The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #398 - Sam Tripoli

00:00:02.000 Wait a minute, we didn't even light this.

00:00:08.000 Are we live?

00:00:11.000 Hear the sound, ladies and gentlemen?

00:00:13.000 This is the sound of freedom.

00:00:22.000 That's freedom as it exhales your body.

00:00:24.000 As Mother Nature, as Mother Gaia enters into your system through a series of cannabinoid receptors.

00:00:33.000 I'm good, dude.

00:00:37.000 Starting a new non-political party, Sammy.

00:00:41.000 I don't think anybody should be in a political party anymore.

00:00:43.000 I agree.

00:00:45.000 But out of respect for the great Hunter S. Thompson, I'm going to call it the Freak Party.

00:00:54.000 I'm in, dude.

00:00:54.000 I feel like a freak.

00:00:55.000 I don't feel like I'm represented.

00:00:57.000 I will never vote for any of the two major parties ever again. 0.99

00:01:02.000 Even libertarians, they fucking freak me out. 1.00

00:01:04.000 Bunch of weirdos. 1.00

00:01:05.000 Bunch of preppers. 0.95

00:01:06.000 Not all of you.

00:01:07.000 Not all of you.

00:01:08.000 Don't get crazy.

00:01:08.000 Don't get picky.

00:01:09.000 Save the hate mail.

00:01:10.000 Save the hate mail.

00:01:11.000 I will only vote for someone if I don't know who they are.

00:01:14.000 That doesn't help.

00:01:14.000 Yeah, because, well, yeah, it does.

00:01:16.000 If you don't know who they are and there's some fucking freak NSA underground secret infiltrator agent type character, Sam. 0.78

00:01:24.000 Okay, that could go, if my vote ruins society, I understand that, but I just vote for anybody who can't afford to campaign. 0.98

00:01:32.000 That's pretty much.

00:01:32.000 Well, that might be better than what we're doing already, but it might not be too.

00:01:36.000 That's possible as well.

00:01:38.000 You know what we need to do, Sam?

00:01:39.000 We need to educate the people.

00:01:41.000 Is that possible?

00:01:42.000 There's a way to do it.

00:01:43.000 One of the ways is Audible.com.

00:01:44.000 Oh, really?

00:01:45.000 I'd love to hear about it.

00:01:46.000 Well, Audible.com is the number one source of audio entertainment and education on the internet.

00:01:53.000 More than 100,000 different titles.

00:01:56.000 You can't possibly read 100,000 fucking things, but you might be able to put a good dent into it if you got in your car or if you were on a train or on a plane and listened to audiobooks or at the gym or jogging. 0.97

00:02:10.000 If you're one of those nature-at-the-park type characters that's not worried about muggers and you run around with a fucking thing on, not worried about getting clipped over the head by someone who's sneaking up behind you and you don't see them coming, or maybe you're just fucking that confident in your foot speed. 1.00

00:02:23.000 You're just like, this motherfucking mugger. 1.00

00:02:25.000 Try to catch me, bitch. 1.00

00:02:26.000 Try to catch me. 1.00

00:02:27.000 My cardio's off the charts.

00:02:29.000 Go to audible.com forward slash Joe.

00:02:31.000 You will get one free audiobook and 30 free days of Audible service.

00:02:36.000 And Audible has a gigantic selection of fiction, non-fiction.

00:02:42.000 They have the Opie and Anthony radio shows.

00:02:45.000 They have stand-up comedy. 0.99

00:02:46.000 You can get my shit on Audible. 0.98

00:02:48.000 You can get so many different books. 0.96

00:02:50.000 There's an amazing pile of awesome...

00:02:59.000 I recommend Steven Pressfield's The War of Art.

00:03:02.000 This is a book that I've been recommending to everybody.

00:03:04.000 It's such a good book as far as motivation to get your shit together that I bought stacks of them and I used to hand them out to people all the time. 0.56

00:03:11.000 Then I got tired of it. 1.00

00:03:12.000 Then I was like, get your shit together, bitch. 1.00

00:03:14.000 What am I doing? 1.00

00:03:14.000 Am I trying to fucking motivate other people? 1.00

00:03:16.000 I listen to Audible. 0.98

00:03:17.000 I actually use it.

00:03:18.000 Do you?

00:03:19.000 Yeah.

00:03:19.000 It's very good.

00:03:20.000 I love it.

00:03:21.000 A book that I love to listen to was Behold a Pale Horse.

00:03:25.000 That was a good thing.

00:03:26.000 I had read it, but it was fun to hear back. 1.00

00:03:27.000 That is some ridiculous shit. 1.00

00:03:30.000 It's fun to listen to, man. 1.00

00:03:31.000 Especially when you look back at what he's saying then and what's going on now.

00:03:35.000 You're like, whoa!

00:03:35.000 Well, his book is like some of it.

00:03:39.000 You can't recommend it enough?

00:03:40.000 I love it, dude.

00:03:41.000 You gotta smoke a fat joint before you read that and then just shut it off and walk away. 0.91

00:03:46.000 There's some really interesting stuff in there and some complete nonsense. 0.98

00:03:51.000 It's really, like, if you wanted to pick a book where you were worried or curious whether or not, like, there was some disinformation afoot, whether they were trying to connect really, you know, actual factual ideas with fucking UFO bases at Walmart... 0.67

00:04:08.000 You know, this is the book.

00:04:10.000 So you're saying there's a little truth, but there's also a lot of misinformation.

00:04:14.000 I'm sure there's some truth in that.

00:04:15.000 Well, even crazy people can count, you know?

00:04:19.000 Right. 1.00

00:04:19.000 Even if you're completely out of your mind, you make a bunch of shit up, you might know how to turn on a laptop. 1.00

00:04:24.000 A broken clock is right twice a day. 0.99

00:04:26.000 That's so true, Sam Tripoli. 1.00

00:04:28.000 I'm so glad when people say that shit. 1.00

00:04:30.000 Anyway, go to audible.com forward slash Joe. 1.00

00:04:35.000 Steve Martin's book's good too.

00:04:36.000 Yes, it is.

00:04:37.000 Right?

00:04:37.000 Yeah.

00:04:37.000 What is it?

00:04:38.000 Born Standing?

00:04:38.000 Is that what it is?

00:04:39.000 Steve Martin's awesome.

00:04:40.000 And he actually reads his book. 0.95

00:04:43.000 Or you could, that guy from fucking, what's it called? 0.98

00:04:47.000 The Beard Guy? 0.99

00:04:48.000 Psy, the one that Joey Diaz likes from that Duck Dynasty.

00:04:52.000 Joey loves that guy.

00:04:53.000 He really loves that guy. 0.93

00:04:55.000 No bullshit. 0.94

00:04:56.000 He loves that guy. 0.99

00:04:57.000 That show's crushing it. 1.00

00:04:58.000 Fuck yeah, it is. 1.00

00:04:59.000 That show kicked my show's ass. 1.00

00:05:01.000 Really? 1.00

00:05:02.000 Yeah, it stomped it.

00:05:03.000 Yeah, you're up against a family, though.

00:05:04.000 In Dennis Miller vernacular, like a narc at a biker rally.

00:05:09.000 Anyway, audible.com forward slash Joe and get a free audiobook.

00:05:13.000 It's worth it.

00:05:13.000 You'll love it.

00:05:14.000 And it's a great way to entertain yourself.

00:05:17.000 Basically just like podcasting.

00:05:19.000 I'm essentially cutting out my own hamstrings telling you about this.

00:05:22.000 It is.

00:05:24.000 We're also brought to you by Lumosity.

00:05:26.000 Lumosity is one of our newest sponsors.

00:05:29.000 Lumosity is a new service.

00:05:32.000 It's a website that's designed to improve your mental health.

00:05:36.000 It's really interesting.

00:05:37.000 It's like workouts for your mind.

00:05:39.000 They're like fun games.

00:05:41.000 I've been doing it.

00:05:42.000 I don't know if I'm any smarter yet.

00:05:43.000 It's easy.

00:05:44.000 It's enjoyable.

00:05:46.000 You can personalize it.

00:05:48.000 For your different performance goals, as far as your brain, does it have a little sound effect on it?

00:05:52.000 Well, that's chalk one against lumosity, okay?

00:05:55.000 Let me tell you something. 0.99

00:05:56.000 Nobody wants fucking sound effects on their websites. 0.99

00:06:00.000 We're tired of that. 0.98

00:06:01.000 This is the worst thing when you go to someone's website and a song plays.

00:06:03.000 Oh, right.

00:06:04.000 That's gross.

00:06:04.000 That's why I hate about MySpace.

00:06:06.000 Like, back in the day, you couldn't look at other girls' website pages because some song would jump up. 1.00

00:06:11.000 Your girlfriend's like, what are you listening to?

00:06:12.000 You're like, close, close, close.

00:06:14.000 And it would crush your website, your browser every time.

00:06:18.000 Someone always had some wacky thing running in the background.

00:06:21.000 Oh, it was too much.

00:06:21.000 And it's like, what is this?

00:06:23.000 Especially the Asian chicks could really go off on their pages. 1.00

00:06:26.000 Sparkle tags.

00:06:28.000 That's what we learned about.

00:06:29.000 The world learned about sparkle tags.

00:06:31.000 Yep.

00:06:31.000 You can play online at work.

00:06:33.000 I wouldn't recommend playing at work because then you're not working. 0.99

00:06:35.000 And I think if you're going to do something, just fucking do it. 1.00

00:06:37.000 Unless your job really sucks a fat dick and you're looking to get out and you listen to this podcast during work right now. 1.00

00:06:43.000 And I would say, keep doing what you're doing, follow your instincts, go towards the light. 1.00

00:06:47.000 Do you have a black belt in this yet?

00:06:49.000 Yes, I've got a black belt in Lumosity.

00:06:50.000 My God, my friend.

00:06:51.000 Play online at work, at home, even from an iPhone or an iPad with the Lumosity app.

00:06:56.000 It doesn't say anything about Android.

00:06:58.000 I guess they're haters.

00:07:00.000 With Lumosity, you can track your progress online while seeing the actual improvements in your everyday life.

00:07:06.000 And when you go to Lumosity, just tell them that I sent you.

00:07:10.000 I think it's a reference box.

00:07:12.000 Oh, how'd you find out about Lumosity? 1.00

00:07:14.000 Joe Rogan, bitch. 1.00

00:07:15.000 And you can say that, too. 1.00

00:07:16.000 Joe Rogan, bitch. 1.00

00:07:17.000 I probably won't even get credit for it, but it'd be funnier. 0.99

00:07:19.000 So go ahead. 1.00

00:07:20.000 Say Joe Rogan, bitch. 1.00

00:07:21.000 I'm like, well, Joe Rogan, it seems that no one from your show went to Lumosity, but everybody from Joe Rogan, bitch. 0.99

00:07:37.000 What I like about it, what I think is interesting is you can personalize your goals, which is kind of odd when you first start doing it because you're like, wait a minute.

00:07:48.000 Why wouldn't it be better to click everything?

00:07:50.000 I guess maybe it would be too difficult.

00:07:52.000 But as you're doing it, it gives you memory.

00:07:55.000 It gives you a bunch of options. 0.92

00:07:56.000 Recalling the location of objects, remembering the names after first introduction, which I suck a fat one at.

00:08:03.000 Are you good at remembering people's names right after you meet them? 0.86

00:08:05.000 No, I'm horrible at it.

00:08:08.000 People always think my memory is really good because I remember fights.

00:08:11.000 If you ask me about MMA, I can pull a Keith Hackney fight.

00:08:16.000 Keith Hackney vs.

00:08:17.000 Joseon from 93, 94. I'll tell you what happened in that fight.

00:08:22.000 I'll talk to you about ball punches.

00:08:23.000 You're great at detail.

00:08:25.000 I remember some things.

00:08:26.000 I remember some things.

00:08:27.000 But my memory is not the best, if I don't care.

00:08:30.000 You rock those Russian and European names at the weigh-ins.

00:08:33.000 I'm always impressed by that.

00:08:35.000 They have to go over those with me several times before I go out there. 0.98

00:08:38.000 I fucked up Omi Lonchuk though. 0.93

00:08:40.000 Omi Lonchuk was a guy that fought this last weekend in Toronto. 0.99

00:08:43.000 It was so hard.

00:08:44.000 Omi Lonchuk? 0.81

00:08:45.000 It's weird the way it's written.

00:08:47.000 Tough guy though.

00:08:48.000 You can keep track of several ideas at the same time.

00:08:52.000 Allegedly.

00:08:53.000 I'm a little skeptical Sam Tripoli.

00:08:55.000 Right.

00:08:56.000 How are you going to fix my broken brain, son?

00:08:58.000 If yours is broken, mine must be... 0.91

00:09:00.000 All brains are broken. 0.99

00:09:01.000 In the heap. 0.99

00:09:02.000 They're flawed.

00:09:03.000 You know what helps it?

00:09:03.000 Alpha Brain.

00:09:04.000 Take some right now.

00:09:05.000 While I'm on the podcast.

00:09:07.000 Oh, Alpha Brains, Fred. 0.59

00:09:09.000 Yay, Alpha Brains. 0.98

00:09:10.000 I wonder if it improves the score.

00:09:13.000 What is the word on that?

00:09:17.000 The words on what?

00:09:18.000 On AlphaBrain.

00:09:19.000 It's delicious.

00:09:19.000 It's nutritious.

00:09:20.000 It's good for the whole family.

00:09:21.000 Good for your dome.

00:09:22.000 Attention.

00:09:23.000 Maintain focus on important tasks.

00:09:28.000 For those who have been asking about AlphaBrain, we'll talk about that next.

00:09:32.000 The studies on alpha brain will finally be published, allegedly, in February.

00:09:37.000 It takes a long time to get into a scientific journal about stuff, so people have been asking about the results of the double-blind placebo test.

00:09:43.000 We did what's called a pilot test, and then we're going to do a big fat test after this, but it's because the pilot test is very encouraging.

00:09:51.000 I guess that would help you if you took Lumosity.

00:09:54.000 I think the idea behind something like Lumosity is that your brain, much like everything else, grows in strength with repetition and focus.

00:10:03.000 It seems to work as far as my brain when it comes to stand-up comedy.

00:10:07.000 The more I'm doing stand-up, The more I'm in that stand-up comedy vibe, it seems like a mental shape.

00:10:14.000 Like you get in comedy shape.

00:10:15.000 Don't you feel like that?

00:10:16.000 Yeah.

00:10:16.000 You ever take like two weeks off from stand-up?

00:10:19.000 Dude, I took a few months off.

00:10:20.000 And you go back to it, you're like, whoa!

00:10:22.000 It's like you think you're just going to step right into it and start running.

00:10:25.000 And you're like, your timing's a little off.

00:10:27.000 You're like, what was that line there?

00:10:29.000 You know what I figured out, though?

00:10:30.000 How to stop that from happening?

00:10:32.000 Record yourself.

00:10:34.000 Really?

00:10:34.000 Yeah, it's big.

00:10:35.000 It's huge.

00:10:36.000 What do you do?

00:10:36.000 Do you just play it back or do you upload it to something?

00:10:38.000 Well, play it back and take notes.

00:10:40.000 Listen and take notes.

00:10:41.000 I gotta do that, dude.

00:10:42.000 It's hard to do because it's work.

00:10:43.000 It's work.

00:10:44.000 You don't want to listen to yourself. 1.00

00:10:45.000 You're gross. 0.99

00:10:45.000 I do hate listening to myself. 0.99

00:10:48.000 I gotta edit this CD and I just can't listen to it.

00:10:51.000 Jim Norton told me that when he was editing his special, which was very funny by the way, he wanted to hang himself. 0.99

00:10:58.000 He put a fucking belt up on the coat hanger in the closet. 0.98

00:11:01.000 He goes, I wasn't going to do it, but I just put it up there. 1.00

00:11:03.000 I just wanted to let myself know I fucking suck. 1.00

00:11:05.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:11:06.000 You were thinking about hanging yourself?

00:11:08.000 What?

00:11:08.000 He goes, I wasn't actually going to go through with it.

00:11:11.000 It was like, whoa.

00:11:11.000 I like to keep it on the table.

00:11:13.000 That's how bad comedians hate listening to themselves. 0.99

00:11:15.000 If you talk to a comedian who loves listening to himself, he's a douchebag. 0.94

00:11:21.000 There are people who like to play back their stuff over and over again. 0.96

00:11:24.000 You're like, oh, what's wrong with you?

00:11:25.000 How about play it for you?

00:11:26.000 Hey, listen to this.

00:11:27.000 Listen to this bit I did.

00:11:28.000 Listen to this bit I did.

00:11:29.000 Just listen to this one bit.

00:11:31.000 No!

00:11:32.000 Uncomfortable.

00:11:32.000 No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

00:11:35.000 Another thing that Lumosity helps is flexibility.

00:11:39.000 The idea of mental flexibility.

00:11:42.000 Communicating clearly.

00:11:43.000 You know sometimes when you're communicating, it's difficult to find the right way to describe something.

00:11:48.000 The idea is that the more often you do that, the easier it will be.

00:11:53.000 It's absolutely true.

00:11:54.000 Because when I think about the things that I do, like a lot of the things that I do, like MMA commentary, would be very difficult to do if you hadn't done it before.

00:12:02.000 And the more you do it, the more you get sort of sharp at it.

00:12:06.000 Well, Lumosity treats it like there's exercises you can do that will allow you to be flexible in your ideas in that sort of a way.

00:12:16.000 Thinking outside the box, avoiding errors, multitasking.

00:12:19.000 How's your multitasking skill, Sam Tripling?

00:12:22.000 Incredibly hard.

00:12:23.000 Incredibly bad.

00:12:23.000 About as bad as can be, right?

00:12:24.000 Right. 1.00

00:12:25.000 Comedians are the worst fucking multitaskers in the history of the world. 1.00

00:12:28.000 Impulsive shitheads. 1.00

00:12:29.000 Well, it's multitasking, but it's a bad, it's ADD version of multitasking, where, like, I try to do 90 things, but yet nothing gets done. 0.99

00:12:36.000 I know what you're talking about.

00:12:38.000 You're like, man, I want to do this over here.

00:12:41.000 And then at the end of the day, I'm like, I've got nothing accomplished. 0.96

00:12:43.000 Every time I talk to Brian Callen, he wants to fucking start yachting. 0.95

00:12:46.000 I want to go sailboating. 0.98

00:12:48.000 I'm thinking about doing a sambo.

00:12:49.000 Maybe samba and sambo.

00:12:51.000 Learn to dance and choke people.

00:12:53.000 Dude, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop.

00:12:55.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:12:55.000 He wants to do everything.

00:12:56.000 Brian Callen got done telling me, like I was talking about being gluten-free, that I've been gluten-free for like three months.

00:13:02.000 He goes, yeah, I don't eat any of that stuff, you know, breads and breads.

00:13:04.000 I go, you just had a sandwich right in front of me.

00:13:08.000 And you had bread with dinner last night.

00:13:10.000 I saw you buttered bread.

00:13:10.000 He goes, very little of it.

00:13:12.000 I barely eat any of it.

00:13:13.000 I go, you had bread every time you hadn't been here.

00:13:15.000 You've been here for three days.

00:13:16.000 You've had bread every single day.

00:13:18.000 Like, what are you talking about?

00:13:19.000 You guys are both pretty shredded for your ages, man.

00:13:22.000 I'm pretty impressed.

00:13:23.000 Am I sexy?

00:13:24.000 Yeah, very much.

00:13:26.000 He just decides that he's gluten-free.

00:13:28.000 I'm like, you're not gluten-free. 1.00

00:13:29.000 You're fucking lying. 1.00

00:13:30.000 You eat bread every goddamn day. 1.00

00:13:32.000 The story fits what reality he wants. 1.00

00:13:35.000 He's hilarious, but it's that thing.

00:13:36.000 One of the most entertaining dudes I've ever met.

00:13:39.000 We did a USO together, and we flew cross-country, and everybody was jet-lagged.

00:13:45.000 And when you do a USO, you've got to meet everybody at the base.

00:13:48.000 It's a big day for them.

00:13:50.000 The comedians are going to come around, and you meet everybody.

00:13:52.000 You go on this mini tour of the base.

00:13:55.000 You meet everybody, and they tell you what they do.

00:13:57.000 Right.

00:13:58.000 Man, everybody was jet-lagged, but man, Brian put on a show, dude.

00:14:03.000 He was just on.

00:14:05.000 I mean, just what you see on stage, he was doing in their offices.

00:14:09.000 So when he came up onto the stage and I introduced him, first guy up, walked up to his standing O. He had already loved everybody mentally that they had loved him right out the gate.

00:14:20.000 You already told this story on this podcast before, but it's a great story.

00:14:23.000 Oh, thank you.

00:14:24.000 It's a great story.

00:14:24.000 It's been a while.

00:14:25.000 That is Brian Callen.

00:14:27.000 That is Brian.

00:14:27.000 I remember it because I remember you saying about everybody.

00:14:29.000 Not that I haven't told a million fucking stories 80 times. 0.90

00:14:32.000 Sometimes I forget what story I've told. 0.97

00:14:34.000 Dude, we're almost 400 podcasts.

00:14:35.000 Each one of them is like at least two hours, most of them three hours long. 0.99

00:14:39.000 So how the fuck could you possibly... 0.99

00:14:40.000 When it comes to stand-up, do you ever find yourself... 0.99

00:14:44.000 Somewhat repeating a premise, even though it's kind of a different take, but it's the same kind of premise.

00:14:51.000 I'm learning that your perspective on stuff is almost the same, and there's only so much maybe to talk about.

00:14:57.000 I feel like even with myself, I've seen where you're like, okay, that's a lot like an old joke I used to tell.

00:15:03.000 Yeah, it's very possible.

00:15:04.000 Anyway, lumasi.com.

00:15:05.000 Yeah, check it out.

00:15:06.000 Tell them Joe Rogan sent you.

00:15:08.000 We're also brought to you by Onnit.com.

00:15:10.000 That's O-N-N-I-T. If you haven't seen the new Primal Bells Inn, there's three of them now. 0.99

00:15:14.000 There's a gorilla, a chimpanzee, and a new orangutan.

00:15:17.000 And every time someone buys an orangutan, five bucks goes to help save orangutans.

00:15:23.000 All these animals, chimps, gorillas, they're all endangered. 1.00

00:15:28.000 We're assholes and we like to kill monkeys. 1.00

00:15:31.000 That's a fact. 1.00

00:15:32.000 It's horrible.

00:15:34.000 I say we as in human race, not Sam and I, and not Jamie either.

00:15:37.000 He's not a monkey killer by any stretch of the imagination.

00:15:39.000 I spanked a monkey, that's about it. 1.00

00:15:40.000 Sometimes monkeys are cunts though. 0.99

00:15:42.000 A bunch of monkeys kill a guy in India. 0.98

00:15:44.000 I don't know. 0.85

00:15:45.000 Maybe the Indian guy started it. 1.00

00:15:46.000 He might have been a dick. 0.99

00:15:47.000 But these aren't monkeys anyway. 1.00

00:15:49.000 They're apes.

00:15:49.000 People get real specific about that.

00:15:51.000 You say monkey, but you really mean ape.

00:15:53.000 Yes, I mean ape. 1.00

00:15:54.000 God damn it. 1.00

00:15:55.000 There's some people who just monkeys are their life. 0.99

00:15:57.000 Gorillas, orangutans, and chimps.

00:15:59.000 I work out with them myself.

00:16:00.000 They're cool.

00:16:01.000 I like to fantasize when I work out. 0.95

00:16:03.000 And my fantasy is that one of these things is trying to fuck me up. 0.98

00:16:07.000 I get scared. 0.99

00:16:08.000 You're holding on to a...

00:16:08.000 Look at that chimpanzee face.

00:16:10.000 That's an evil... 0.93

00:16:10.000 Oh, the gorilla, too. 0.93

00:16:11.000 Look at that motherfucker. 1.00

00:16:12.000 Can you imagine if that motherfucker was hovering over you, about to put a beat down on you? 1.00

00:16:16.000 What do you do, man? 1.00

00:16:17.000 You curl up in a ball.

00:16:18.000 And you cry. 1.00

00:16:19.000 You hope he gets tired of beating the shit out of you. 0.99

00:16:20.000 And that's probably not going to help. 1.00

00:16:22.000 He's probably going to take you apart like a fucking pistachio nut. 1.00

00:16:24.000 Like the shell of a nut. 1.00

00:16:26.000 Snap.

00:16:27.000 They'll just separate you.

00:16:28.000 They're so strong. 1.00

00:16:29.000 We can't even wrap our heads around how strong those fucking things are. 0.99

00:16:32.000 But you can be stronger with Primal Bells. 0.99

00:16:36.000 We sell regular kettlebells too if you're one of those conservative, no-nonsense type who doesn't want to be fancy.

00:16:41.000 Traditional cowbellist.

00:16:43.000 But the kettlebells that we sell, as far as the Primal Bells, they only go up to 72 pounds.

00:16:49.000 But as far as the regular plain ones, we have them up to 90 pounds. 0.99

00:16:55.000 And if you can lift one of those 90 pound things, you are a motherfucker. 1.00

00:17:00.000 That's impressive shit. 1.00

00:17:02.000 I don't do a 90 pound one. 0.99

00:17:04.000 Is that official status? 1.00

00:17:05.000 You've reached motherfucker status? 1.00

00:17:06.000 Yeah, that's motherfucker status. 1.00

00:17:08.000 A 90 pound kettlebell will also be sure to piss your mailman off to no end. 0.99

00:17:13.000 Make no mistake about it. 1.00

00:17:15.000 When I picked up the 70 pound one, the look they had on their face, they wanted to fucking drop it on my dick. 1.00

00:17:20.000 That would be uncomfortable. 1.00

00:17:22.000 There's a bunch of women working there as well, and it's really not fair. 0.99

00:17:25.000 I wish they would let me know when they're coming in, and I would be there to load it off the truck.

00:17:28.000 That involves teamwork.

00:17:30.000 Mm-hmm.

00:17:31.000 Oh, you know there was a lot of that, too.

00:17:33.000 Mm-hmm.

00:17:34.000 Let me know when it reaches the post office.

00:17:36.000 I'll go get it.

00:17:37.000 Don't bring it to my house.

00:17:38.000 Make me lift some 70-pound back.

00:17:40.000 Mm-hmm.

00:17:43.000 Anyway, for savagery, go to Onnit.com. 1.00

00:17:46.000 We saw all kinds of shit. 0.99

00:17:47.000 Protein supplements, the Alpha Brain, of course, Shroom Tech Sport, New Mood. 1.00

00:17:52.000 Have you ever tried any New Mood, Samwise?

00:17:53.000 No, I have not.

00:17:54.000 It's very good for you.

00:17:55.000 It's 5-HTP and L-tryptophan enhancement supplements for your serotonin.

00:18:02.000 L-tryptophan actually converts to 5-HTP, and 5-HTP actually does enhance your mood.

00:18:08.000 You should be very careful about it, though, if you're on medication, especially if you're on SSRIs.

00:18:13.000 Those are a lot of the antidepressants.

00:18:15.000 They tell people, do not take 5-HTP while you're taking an SSRI, because too much serotonin is not a good thing.

00:18:23.000 That's a lot of paperwork.

00:18:24.000 You've got to be careful, son.

00:18:27.000 Oh! 0.60

00:18:28.000 Alright, so go to honor.com, check out everything, and if you use the code name ROGAN, you will save 10% off any and all supplements.

00:18:35.000 Beautiful, talented, and delicious young Sammy Tripoli is here, ladies and gentlemen.

00:18:40.000 You should get, like, one thing that they say in everything.

00:18:43.000 What's that? 0.99

00:18:43.000 Like, ROGAN BITCH. They should have, and all your companies you work with. 0.99

00:18:48.000 Don't worry about me, man.

00:18:49.000 Don't worry about me.

00:18:49.000 I won't worry about you.

00:18:50.000 Cue the music.

00:18:51.000 Sam's here.

00:18:54.000 The Joe Rogan Experience.

00:18:59.000 It's my night!

00:18:59.000 All day!

00:19:02.000 Sammy boy!

00:19:03.000 I've got an official Sam Tripoli, the Naughty Show t-shirt on right now, ladies and gentlemen.

00:19:08.000 You can buy these at Walmart, Burger King, food chains.

00:19:13.000 All over the place.

00:19:14.000 All over the country.

00:19:15.000 They're going to sell them at NASA. They're going to sell them on the space shuttle.

00:19:18.000 Those bitches get bored up there. 1.00

00:19:19.000 Naughtyshow.net. 1.00

00:19:20.000 Check it out.

00:19:21.000 Buy a shirt.

00:19:21.000 Help a brother.

00:19:22.000 If you've never seen Sam's show, he puts together stand-up comedy with a bunch of crazy videos.

00:19:29.000 I was there once and I saw a girl beat a man with a belt.

00:19:32.000 Yeah, that was classic Naughty show. 0.93

00:19:34.000 There's a lot of porn stars answering trivia questions. 0.95

00:19:37.000 It's basically chaos. 0.63

00:19:40.000 It is chaos. 0.99

00:19:41.000 It's a big, crazy, chaotic, silly fest. 0.99

00:19:44.000 It's a comedy circus, man. 0.99

00:19:46.000 Much like Sam's mind.

00:19:47.000 Yes, it is.

00:19:48.000 It's all over the place.

00:19:49.000 That's your mind, and that's the kind of show you're creative.

00:19:51.000 It's all the outlaws.

00:19:52.000 You know, people focus on the adult film stars, and they're really just a small part of a huge thing.

00:19:56.000 And it's just bringing out all this, you know, you call them savages, all the late-night rumblers of people who, like, can't get on The Tonight Show.

00:20:03.000 Like, all these crazy burlesque people, and comics come and do real comedy they want to do, and just crazy pole dancers who, like, I mean, like...

00:20:12.000 It's madness. 0.90

00:20:13.000 It is madness.

00:20:14.000 I've done it several times, and it's always a great crowd.

00:20:17.000 I mean, even though it's madness, they're really fun people.

00:20:19.000 They're there to have a good time.

00:20:20.000 When's your next one?

00:20:22.000 We're thinking about doing October 25th at this place called Lyrics on La Brea.

00:20:27.000 Oh, nice.

00:20:28.000 Yeah, it's really nice.

00:20:30.000 I like to move it to different places, man.

00:20:33.000 You know, the comedy store is great, but it's time to move it somewhere else and try a little different, you know?

00:20:38.000 I was trying to do Beecher's Madhouse, but that guy, it's a little crazy over there.

00:20:41.000 Great guy, it just didn't work out.

00:20:43.000 So I got this new room, and it's lyrics, and it's a nice room, so it's about 150, and we're gonna crush it.

00:20:49.000 Very nice.

00:20:50.000 And so this is October 20-what?

00:20:53.000 25th.

00:20:53.000 What day is that?

00:20:54.000 That's a Friday night.

00:20:56.000 Sweet baby Jesus.

00:20:57.000 But the 24th, October 24th, I also do a new awesome show that you gotta check out.

00:21:01.000 It's called The Comedy Rap Battles.

00:21:03.000 It's like 8 Mile meets stand-up comedy, and it's awesome.

00:21:07.000 It is awesome.

00:21:08.000 Comedy rap battles?

00:21:09.000 Yeah, dude.

00:21:10.000 Comedians do like a five-minute set, and then they have a rap battle.

00:21:15.000 And dude, people light each other up.

00:21:17.000 It is the most entertaining show you'll ever see, man.

00:21:20.000 It's the best.

00:21:21.000 I'm so proud of it.

00:21:22.000 I work with a bunch of Chris Byrne and a whole bunch of other guys, and we put it together.

00:21:27.000 Man, it just crushes.

00:21:28.000 Now, have any comedians lashed out physically at any other comedians during a rap battle?

00:21:33.000 No, no, no.

00:21:34.000 I think everybody gets it.

00:21:36.000 It's like they feel bad if they don't light somebody up, but people get lit up.

00:21:41.000 Lit up.

00:21:41.000 It does happen in the rap ones, though.

00:21:43.000 Occasionally dudes punch each other.

00:21:45.000 Oh, yeah.

00:21:45.000 I mean, some of those guys get pretty nasty and personal.

00:21:48.000 They go after the moms. 0.96

00:21:49.000 I think these comedians, but they're vicious.

00:21:52.000 It's a fun show, man.

00:21:53.000 I'm really impressed by it.

00:21:55.000 We're getting some big-name DJs coming down to this one at the Improv on the 24th, and it's going to be a great show, man.

00:22:00.000 It's going to be a great show.

00:22:02.000 That sounds awesome.

00:22:02.000 That sounds fun.

00:22:03.000 Do you know who's on the card?

00:22:04.000 Like the full card?

00:22:06.000 Put it together still?

00:22:07.000 For the rap battle?

00:22:09.000 Some of these people, the really great comics are like, you can't advertise me.

00:22:13.000 I'm like, well, what are we doing?

00:22:14.000 Wait a minute.

00:22:14.000 They tell you you can't advertise me?

00:22:16.000 Yeah, there's a couple people who are like, yeah, I want to do it, but I can't advertise you.

00:22:19.000 Why is that?

00:22:20.000 I don't know, man. 0.91

00:22:20.000 That's silly. 0.91

00:22:21.000 That is silly. 0.97

00:22:22.000 I don't get that. 0.90

00:22:23.000 I don't get it either.

00:22:24.000 That was a big thing at the store.

00:22:26.000 People didn't want their names up on the marquee.

00:22:28.000 Like, why?

00:22:28.000 Some comics are just like that, man.

00:22:30.000 But we're making it a whole big block party.

00:22:33.000 We're taking a whole parking lot of the improv.

00:22:35.000 We're going to have outside DJs, dancers everywhere.

00:22:38.000 It's going to be a whole... 0.98

00:22:40.000 Crazy ass thing. 1.00

00:22:41.000 The only thing that makes sense to me about not wanting your name is if you're trying out totally new shit and you want a completely neutral audience. 0.99

00:22:48.000 Like you don't want people that are there for you. 0.92

00:22:50.000 They might give you a little bit of extra juice that you don't deserve with a bit.

00:22:53.000 You don't want to work on your new material in front of your crowd because you know that they're going to laugh at it.

00:22:58.000 You want to try it differently.

00:22:59.000 That is a possibility.

00:23:00.000 There is that.

00:23:01.000 And there's also that you might not want to do it for your crowd because it's not ready yet.

00:23:07.000 So you feel like I'm okay to do it in front of these random folks.

00:23:10.000 But if people are paying to see me, the bits aren't ready yet.

00:23:13.000 Is that a hard thing?

00:23:14.000 It could be that.

00:23:16.000 Some bits.

00:23:17.000 Some bits are just weird, man.

00:23:19.000 Some bits, they come together.

00:23:21.000 I've got a few bits that literally the day I wrote them, they were done.

00:23:25.000 At least in a basic structural form.

00:23:29.000 Right.

00:23:29.000 But there's other ones.

00:23:30.000 I'm moving them around.

00:23:32.000 I put the end in the beginning, the beginning, and the end.

00:23:35.000 You just know something's funny.

00:23:36.000 You're like, there's something there.

00:23:37.000 I just got to mine it to get it.

00:23:38.000 I got this one right now, man.

00:23:40.000 I got this one right now. 1.00

00:23:41.000 It either kills or it sucks a fat dick. 1.00

00:23:44.000 Yeah, man. 1.00

00:23:45.000 And I know when it's in the middle whether or not it's going to be one or the other. 1.00

00:23:49.000 And I know that I have to stick with it even if it's sucking a fat dick and try to find the way out. 1.00

00:23:54.000 Now you say you record it. 0.99

00:23:56.000 Is it ever like a certain word makes it go different?

00:23:59.000 I find like sometimes when I say it one way it blows up and then if I forget to do it that way it just fucking flatlines the room.

00:24:07.000 Sometimes it's hard to see when you're the guy doing it too.

00:24:09.000 Like you need to like step back and listen to it.

00:24:12.000 And when you listen to it and you're all quiet, you're not saying a word, you're listening to yourself.

00:24:16.000 Sometimes you go, oh, that comes out wrong.

00:24:19.000 You know, it sounds more like this.

00:24:21.000 Or maybe people could possibly think that instead of this.

00:24:25.000 You know, it's just good to listen to it.

00:24:28.000 It's not fun.

00:24:29.000 It's not enjoyable.

00:24:30.000 You know, but like, especially if I'm on a plane or something like that, I gotta go somewhere, I just listen to my sets.

00:24:36.000 We were talking earlier about getting really rusty.

00:24:39.000 The thing that saves you from getting really rusty is listening to sets.

00:24:43.000 Listening, going over the bits, making notes.

00:24:45.000 Then once you start doing it, it'll kind of come out naturally.

00:24:49.000 I think you're totally right.

00:24:50.000 I should do it more.

00:24:51.000 I don't know why.

00:24:53.000 I just like to do it organically, and I think it's a horrible way out. 1.00

00:24:58.000 Because you're a lazy bitch. 1.00

00:24:59.000 Dude, you say I'm a lazy bitch. 1.00

00:25:00.000 That's not the first time you've said that. 1.00

00:25:02.000 I just, I work, I got a million irons going.

00:25:06.000 I've just got a million irons going.

00:25:07.000 From the moment I wake up to the moment I go to bed, I'm just working these irons.

00:25:11.000 Right, but you're also working some irons that are unnecessary in comparison to that iron.

00:25:15.000 Maybe.

00:25:16.000 The iron of sitting and listening to material.

00:25:18.000 But that requires, that's actually like work.

00:25:20.000 It's like writing.

00:25:21.000 Like sitting in front of the computer and writing.

00:25:23.000 There's a lot of friends that I know that are really good comedians that don't ever do that.

00:25:26.000 And they just can't ADD out themselves enough to sit in front of a laptop and just write.

00:25:31.000 Or sit in front of a notebook and just write.

00:25:33.000 They can't do it.

00:25:34.000 So they come up with all these excuses.

00:25:35.000 I write in my head.

00:25:38.000 Like, I found that if I put it down, it takes away...

00:25:40.000 Just something in the delivery isn't the same when I structure it out.

00:25:44.000 But what I do is, you know, because I'll just be driving around, taking care...

00:25:48.000 I just work the bit in my head over and over again and over.

00:25:50.000 And I'll try to go up on stage with about three or four new jokes.

00:25:54.000 Where they kind of beat it out, and then I let the crowd kind of feel it, and I just kind of go with it.

00:25:59.000 But I don't necessarily sit down and type.

00:26:02.000 I wish I could.

00:26:03.000 I'll write down in my joke, premise, this premise, premise, premise, and I'll work them out in my head, and then I'll go on stage and be like, okay, that works, that doesn't work, and I make mental notes in my head.

00:26:13.000 Well, I definitely have done that before, and I think that if that works for you, it's all really about how much focus you're putting into it.

00:26:20.000 If your focus is you just sitting there going over it and redoing it over and over again in your head and then just writing down the premise, I think that's basically just like writing.

00:26:29.000 It's just you're not actually putting it down on a piece of paper.

00:26:32.000 The one thing about writing, though, is they say that, especially physically writing, like pen and paper, not just typing, When you physically write something, it helps memory retention.

00:26:41.000 It aids quite a bit.

00:26:44.000 If you look at my notebook, like from my comedy notebook, it looks like I'm a crazy person.

00:26:49.000 I'm sure.

00:26:50.000 Because it's the same thing written over and over and over and over again.

00:26:53.000 It's like, all work, no play, makes Jack a dull boy.

00:26:55.000 Because that's what I do when I'm writing my bits out before a show.

00:26:59.000 I'm just trying to get the key components seared into my brain.

00:27:05.000 And then from there...

00:27:06.000 But I write right.

00:27:08.000 I like to sit in front of a laptop.

00:27:09.000 No, I know that about you.

00:27:10.000 I wish I could do that.

00:27:11.000 It's just I've tried to be like the guy who sits down like, I'm going to write this out.

00:27:15.000 And then go on stage, it just something gets lost in translation.

00:27:20.000 But I just, I mean, I'm talking to myself in my head constantly.

00:27:24.000 I used to do it when I worked at the Standard Hotel.

00:27:26.000 They used to think I was a crazy guy, and the Hispanic maid service wouldn't sit next to me during lunch because they would see me talking to myself all day, just working on the bit, acting it out, just to get through the day of this job that I was very thankful for,

00:27:43.000 but it was killing my soul.

00:27:44.000 But that's how I would get through the day, just working on these bits, playing them out in my head.

00:27:48.000 And then by the time I got on stage, I would have this somewhat crafted bit already on stage.

00:27:53.000 Yeah, I used to do that when I drove limos.

00:27:55.000 I used to drive around and pretend like I was doing the bit as I was driving.

00:27:59.000 I find that when you're doing certain tasks, especially driving with no radio on...

00:28:05.000 Driving with no radio on is a good thing to do.

00:28:08.000 Not enough people do it, but just driving around and just thinking.

00:28:11.000 Like, sometimes you can figure some shit out, and you have ideas that come to you because you're not being inundated by constant ideas of other people, whether it's advertisements or songs you don't really want to hear.

00:28:22.000 We're good to go. 0.95

00:28:38.000 As I thought it was going to be, but you've got to just work through it.

00:28:41.000 And now that I've been on stage, I'm trying to be a little more honest with what's gone in my life because I've had a crazy life with my drug problem and all that stuff and just all the crazy places I put myself into and all that stuff.

00:28:54.000 You know, the crowds have really been reacting to it really well, man.

00:28:58.000 I'm really impressed, like, you know, the comments I'm getting on stage.

00:29:02.000 This is something you've done, this is the first time you've done this?

00:29:06.000 I've been, like, yeah.

00:29:07.000 And how many years have you been doing stand-up now?

00:29:09.000 15. So, um, within like 14 years in is when you started getting this change?

00:29:14.000 Yeah, man.

00:29:15.000 It was a combination of like I'd start talking about something and then like three months later I'd see everybody talking about it.

00:29:22.000 Not that they're taking from me, just it's in the air.

00:29:26.000 So I'm like, I want to do something different.

00:29:29.000 So I'm like, I got all these crazy stories of my life.

00:29:33.000 You know, that I just never talked about on stage. 0.95

00:29:35.000 And just getting to the place where I'm comfortable with being honest about, you know, all the crazy shit that happened to me. 0.89

00:29:41.000 And, you know, just going on stage and seeing how it reacts. 0.84

00:29:44.000 And even if it doesn't get a laugh, necessarily.

00:29:46.000 And it does.

00:29:48.000 Some of the stuff's real, real.

00:29:49.000 You know, it just builds this kind of credibility with the crowd that they'll go with me on other stuff.

00:29:55.000 Like, it's a vulnerability.

00:29:56.000 Yeah.

00:29:56.000 Well, it's also you being a real person as opposed to a guy putting on a show.

00:30:01.000 Yeah.

00:30:01.000 And putting on the show is like the armor that you throw up when you first start doing stand-up.

00:30:06.000 You know, I had a breaking point the other day where, you know, I was at the store and I was just watching a bunch of funny comics go up.

00:30:14.000 But nobody was being real on stage.

00:30:16.000 I'm not taking anything away from them because there are some really funny young comics coming up that I really enjoy.

00:30:21.000 But I just found with comedy, everybody wants to hear what they already know.

00:30:26.000 They want to really laugh.

00:30:28.000 It's gotten so much about relatability to the point that I just feel like people want to hear premises about stuff we all already agree upon.

00:30:39.000 And I just don't want to do that stuff.

00:30:40.000 So I've been really breaking through.

00:30:42.000 And it can be a hard place when you're doing this really...

00:30:45.000 Okay, but is it that people want that?

00:30:48.000 Or is that what they're being fed?

00:30:50.000 Well, I think they're being fed because that's what they seem most comfortable about.

00:30:54.000 Or that's what gets the biggest reaction.

00:30:57.000 Yeah, that's all it is.

00:30:58.000 It's what gets the biggest reaction.

00:31:00.000 So people do it because they want to get that reaction.

00:31:03.000 So you start getting that...

00:31:04.000 Hey man, you remember when you were in school and you write a note, do you like me?

00:31:08.000 Check yes or no.

00:31:09.000 Yeah.

00:31:09.000 People remember that.

00:31:11.000 I relate to that.

00:31:11.000 I know that.

00:31:12.000 Exactly.

00:31:12.000 So it's not even really that funny, but it's very relatable.

00:31:16.000 Very relatable.

00:31:17.000 But that's not, I mean, it's also sometimes it's funny.

00:31:20.000 I mean, sometimes it's a real moment that someone's trying to recall from.

00:31:23.000 Of course.

00:31:24.000 I know what you're saying though. 0.94

00:31:25.000 I know that thing where you're seeing a lot of jokey joke type shit and you're longing for a Richard Pryor type act. 0.95

00:31:33.000 Yes. 0.96

00:31:33.000 You're longing for someone to go up there and just take it to another level. 0.96

00:31:37.000 Which is why after a long time of resisting the late night spots at the comedy store, I very much embrace them now because there's a lot more room for me just to...

00:31:49.000 Experiment.

00:31:49.000 And if I fail, I fail.

00:31:51.000 If it goes well, it goes well.

00:31:52.000 But when it hits, it's like, it's gold.

00:31:55.000 Yeah, those 10 people rooms, you know, where it's like 1 o'clock in the morning, you finally get on stage and they've seen everything. 0.99

00:32:01.000 If you can make those motherfuckers laugh. 1.00

00:32:03.000 Blood from a stone. 1.00

00:32:04.000 You got something.

00:32:05.000 Right.

00:32:06.000 And it's like running with weights on.

00:32:08.000 I was doing the main room.

00:32:10.000 You know, I've been blessed.

00:32:11.000 I've been gigging a lot on the road.

00:32:13.000 But I've been, you know, I'll do a couple weekends at the Comedy Store.

00:32:16.000 And, you know, I get the last spot in the main room, which is where I can do like an hour if I want to.

00:32:21.000 And just last week, it was a great crowd.

00:32:24.000 By the end of the night, I'm going up.

00:32:26.000 Usually my Saturday spot is Sunday.

00:32:28.000 So I'll go up around like 12.45pm.

00:32:32.000 And the crowd was still there, and they were great, but right when I walk on the stage, these two dudes in the front row just jump me.

00:32:39.000 They're just trying to heckle me right out the gate, and I'm very blessed that I've been doing comedy long enough that I'm dead on the inside.

00:32:47.000 It's like burnt wood at this point.

00:32:49.000 There's no real reaction you're getting me, so everything you're throwing at me is a waste, and I'm just going to hit you with everything. 0.96

00:32:55.000 So, I mean, I'm just hitting these dudes. 0.98

00:32:57.000 Bam! 0.98

00:32:58.000 The crowd is going nuts!

00:32:59.000 I mean, just going, applause break.

00:33:01.000 At like 12.45 at night, boom, boom, boom!

00:33:05.000 This guy, I don't know, I just say something.

00:33:07.000 I go, where's your wife? 1.00

00:33:08.000 He goes, at home.

00:33:09.000 I'm like, yeah, buried in the backyard.

00:33:11.000 And the place goes nuts and he just turns. 1.00

00:33:13.000 He's like, really, motherfucker? 1.00

00:33:15.000 Really? 1.00

00:33:15.000 And he just starts going nuts. 1.00

00:33:17.000 He gets up, he tries to grab his drink and throw it at me.

00:33:20.000 His friend grabs his arm, stops it.

00:33:22.000 So he starts walking out and man, this dude grabs a chair.

00:33:26.000 And tries to throw it at me on stage and luckily his friends got it because it was going to hit somebody in the front row.

00:33:33.000 But I just get this weird reaction out of these people.

00:33:36.000 They try to like hurt my feelings.

00:33:37.000 That's the store though too.

00:33:38.000 The store is, I had two people throw drinks at me at the store.

00:33:41.000 One guy threw a bottle of water at me and one guy threw a glass at me.

00:33:44.000 Yeah, and you gotta dodge it.

00:33:46.000 The star is a dark, dark place, man.

00:33:47.000 First of all, there's zero crowd control.

00:33:50.000 The comedians have to do their own crowd control.

00:33:54.000 And you have to, like, kick people out.

00:33:56.000 The only guy who used to kick people out was Harris Pete.

00:33:59.000 Crazy Harris Pete, man.

00:34:00.000 I've had more people removed from the comedy store than any other place I've ever played ever. 0.99

00:34:04.000 It was so bad and it would fuck with everybody. 0.97

00:34:06.000 There would be such evil moments there that I would buy the entire room drinks. 0.99

00:34:10.000 I remember that.

00:34:10.000 I did that several times.

00:34:11.000 I remember that.

00:34:12.000 Because it was like, look, we're all in this together.

00:34:14.000 I'm not trying to make money here. 1.00

00:34:16.000 You can't be an asshole. 1.00

00:34:17.000 All the door guys look like they're in some emo band that has keyboardists and triangles. 1.00

00:34:21.000 And it's just like, it's like death cap for cutie is security for the...

00:34:25.000 I'm like, dude, who's securing who, man?

00:34:28.000 Yeah, tight pants and knit caps.

00:34:30.000 Skinny jeans.

00:34:31.000 Knit caps pulled too low.

00:34:33.000 Yeah, crying.

00:34:34.000 You know, it's just like, it's crazy.

00:34:36.000 So, I mean, I've had a couple instances of that, man.

00:34:40.000 They don't have security there.

00:34:41.000 They really don't have security.

00:34:42.000 Not real security.

00:34:43.000 I just don't know why they just don't get the...

00:34:46.000 You remember Dublin's had that big black security guard? 0.95

00:34:50.000 Has to be black. 1.00

00:34:51.000 You have to mention that? 0.95

00:34:51.000 I called him deep space. 0.95

00:34:54.000 He was so big and black. 0.97

00:34:56.000 I've never seen a human being with this big of hands in my life.

00:34:59.000 That's the guy you need.

00:35:01.000 Well, you need something.

00:35:02.000 The comedy store doesn't have anything.

00:35:04.000 I mean, do they have any security?

00:35:06.000 Nothing.

00:35:06.000 Is there one guy who's like a big guy who's trained in the arts?

00:35:11.000 Don Lewis was the last of the badass door guys.

00:35:15.000 He was this comic who just knew karate at a black belt.

00:35:19.000 He was a big yoke dude, too.

00:35:21.000 Yeah.

00:35:22.000 He used to date this 6'8 basketball player.

00:35:27.000 It's a good size.

00:35:29.000 Make a gladiator, baby.

00:35:30.000 Oh, right?

00:35:31.000 Don Lewis and some 6'8 white chick would be great. 1.00

00:35:34.000 But I've seen him take on three dudes at one time.

00:35:36.000 Yeah, sometimes you have to at that place.

00:35:38.000 Sometimes you have to.

00:35:39.000 Luckily, they're all drunk, though.

00:35:40.000 By the time you get in a fight with somebody at the comedy store, usually they're beyond hammered.

00:35:44.000 But Duncan brought it up.

00:35:45.000 It's like, how do you feel when you're the guy that goes after the comedian?

00:35:48.000 Like, the guy just trying to make you laugh and have a good time?

00:35:52.000 You go after him, try to physically assault him?

00:35:55.000 It's like, what is that?

00:35:56.000 Well, it's also Hollywood.

00:35:58.000 Part of it is Hollywood itself, because you get a disproportionate amount of people who think they deserve way more attention than they're getting.

00:36:04.000 Like, this is the place where they congregate.

00:36:06.000 This is the light that draws the moths.

00:36:10.000 Yeah.

00:36:10.000 This is the place.

00:36:11.000 So they come here, and one of the things that they want to do is prove that they're better than everybody else. 0.98

00:36:16.000 You ever talk to someone who's like a really weak comedian that's sort of just starting out, and like, you know, we're gonna fucking own this town. 0.51

00:36:22.000 Did you ever see that movie... 0.88

00:36:25.000 Overnight.

00:36:25.000 You ever hear of the movie Overnight?

00:36:27.000 It's a fucking brilliant movie about this very thing. 0.95

00:36:30.000 It's about a guy who is the director of Boondock Saints. 0.98

00:36:35.000 Yeah.

00:36:35.000 Who wrote and directed Boondock Saints.

00:36:37.000 And they produced this movie where they...

00:36:39.000 Initially when they started following him, he had just gotten this huge development deal.

00:36:44.000 Because he wrote the script.

00:36:45.000 Harvey Weinstein bought it.

00:36:47.000 They bought the bar where he worked in as a bartender.

00:36:49.000 And now it's his bar and this whole thing.

00:36:51.000 And he's...

00:36:51.000 Overnight success.

00:36:53.000 Okay, well you watch this guy become the most bloated asshole because of all this success that he's having and all this adulation he's getting. 0.99

00:37:04.000 He believes his own hype and tailspins. 0.99

00:37:07.000 And the whole thing is, it's really fascinating to watch. 1.00

00:37:10.000 Really, really fascinating to watch because the guy becomes just a fucking asshole. 1.00

00:37:14.000 For no reason. 1.00

00:37:15.000 When I used to work at Crunch, Gene Simmons' wife used to go work out there, and she was talking to me about fame.

00:37:22.000 And she said, what's the name of the lead singer, Kiss?

00:37:25.000 Paul Stanley.

00:37:26.000 Paul Stanley.

00:37:27.000 She said, Paul Stanley told her that fame doesn't change you.

00:37:31.000 Fame just amplifies whoever you are by a thousand times. 1.00

00:37:35.000 Well, this guy just decided that he was Billy Badass, and he was the baddest motherfucker. 0.99

00:37:39.000 There was all that. 1.00

00:37:41.000 They've never seen a fucking group of talent like us. 0.99

00:37:43.000 We're a triple threat. 0.99

00:37:45.000 It wouldn't be like, hey, I think we're going to have careers.

00:37:49.000 We're going to be successful.

00:37:50.000 I think we can make a good film.

00:37:52.000 I really think we can make a good film.

00:37:54.000 It wasn't any of that. 0.98

00:37:55.000 It was all, we're going to fucking dominate. 0.94

00:37:56.000 We're going to own. 0.99

00:37:57.000 We're going to take over this town.

00:38:00.000 It's a fascinating piece on watching...

00:38:04.000 The reaction to this guy, like he gets huge and he has all this arrogance and then it all implodes on him and you get to see the aftermath of it.

00:38:16.000 And it's a really interesting psychology or psychological Sort of a profile.

00:38:24.000 It's an interesting documentation of a process.

00:38:28.000 A process of hitting unfathomable heights of popularity.

00:38:32.000 Winning the lottery, basically.

00:38:33.000 Yeah.

00:38:34.000 And you get that a lot on sets.

00:38:37.000 You hear that a lot.

00:38:39.000 You'll hear it about certain actors screaming everybody on the set. 1.00

00:38:42.000 Where's my fucking water in this... 0.99

00:38:44.000 You know, throw scripts at... 1.00

00:38:46.000 I don't want to say who it was, but she threw her coke in the face of the executive producer and said, if you fuck your wife the way you write, it's no wonder why you're getting a divorce. 1.00

00:39:00.000 Oh my god! 1.00

00:39:01.000 Yeah.

00:39:02.000 Don't you think that has to do with how early, almost, you get it?

00:39:05.000 No, I think it's just some people, just the pressure.

00:39:08.000 First of all, the pressure of being on, like...

00:39:14.000 Let's go with Home Improvement. 0.95

00:39:16.000 When Home Improvement was the number one show in the country, the pressure must be madness.

00:39:23.000 It must be madness.

00:39:24.000 The reason why Charlie Sheen cracks like that...

00:39:27.000 Don't you think part of that is the pressure of just being Charlie Sheen? 0.98

00:39:31.000 Just the pressure of being on this gigantic fucking hit sitcom and everywhere you go people are following you with cameras and you just want to do coke? 0.99

00:39:38.000 You just want to go fucking crazy and smoke some rocks. 0.98

00:39:40.000 Was there a lot of pressure when you were doing Fear Factor? 0.98

00:39:43.000 Totally.

00:39:44.000 No.

00:39:44.000 Well, there's definitely a lot of pressure, but it wasn't the same thing because I wasn't really that famous.

00:39:48.000 It was like Fear Factor was famous.

00:39:50.000 I was just the host.

00:39:50.000 It's like, you know, like the guy who was the host of Survivor.

00:39:53.000 What's his name?

00:39:54.000 Greg Jeff?

00:39:55.000 Yeah.

00:39:55.000 Jeff Probst.

00:39:57.000 Jeff Probst.

00:39:57.000 Yeah, Jeff Probst.

00:39:59.000 When you watch Jeff Probst, like, you don't think like, oh, there's Jeff Probst.

00:40:02.000 It's like, oh, there's that guy who hosts Survivor.

00:40:04.000 Survivor's a big show.

00:40:04.000 100%.

00:40:05.000 So Fear Factor was the big show.

00:40:06.000 I was just the host.

00:40:08.000 You were just the host.

00:40:08.000 It's not like being Charlie Sheen.

00:40:10.000 That's a different level kind of psychosis. 1.00

00:40:13.000 Can't go anywhere without people going, oh shit, Charlie Sheen! 1.00

00:40:16.000 Yo man, I like rocks too! 0.99

00:40:18.000 He's got that right kind of fame I talk about on stage where it's like he's above it, meaning no matter what he does, we're cool with it.

00:40:26.000 I mean, the guy locked the porn star in the bathroom after smoking crack and got a huge TV deal with FX. Anybody else, that's taken them down, but he's just at that level where it's like he's above it.

00:40:40.000 I mean, he's got a new movie coming out.

00:40:41.000 I like him.

00:40:42.000 I like those kind of characters.

00:40:43.000 Well, it's not that he's above it.

00:40:44.000 He owns it.

00:40:46.000 That's who he is.

00:40:47.000 He accepts it.

00:40:48.000 The real problem is when someone pretends to be something they're not.

00:40:50.000 I agree with that. 0.99

00:40:51.000 If someone pretends to be like a Ted Haggard type dude, pretends to be this very pious religious leader who's trying to show people the way, meanwhile he's smoking meth and getting gay hookers. 1.00

00:40:59.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:41:00.000 That's what people have a problem with. 1.00

00:41:02.000 It's not smoking meth and getting gay hookers. 1.00

00:41:04.000 Because if, you know, if George Michael did it and was just like honest about it, like, look, I got a lot of money, I really like meth, and I like hookers. 0.98

00:41:13.000 You know, they're big boys.

00:41:14.000 They know what they're doing.

00:41:15.000 They know what they're doing.

00:41:16.000 We're having a good time here. 1.00

00:41:17.000 Own your shit. 1.00

00:41:17.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:41:18.000 There's no problem.

00:41:19.000 Nobody has a problem with male prostitution. 0.55

00:41:21.000 Everybody's trying to stop prostitution, but nobody puts any effort whatsoever into stopping male prostitution.

00:41:26.000 There's no campaigns.

00:41:28.000 There's no billboards. 0.99

00:41:29.000 There's fucking a lot of counseling to stop prostitution on the female side. 1.00

00:41:34.000 I've never seen a take back tonight. 0.99

00:41:35.000 These girls are getting used. 1.00

00:41:37.000 This is terrible.

00:41:39.000 They're being victimized and degraded.

00:41:41.000 Nobody cares about the boys.

00:41:42.000 They do not care. 1.00

00:41:43.000 Those guys are sucking dicks all day long for cash. 1.00

00:41:46.000 Nobody cares at all. 1.00

00:41:47.000 Because no one's looking out for men.

00:41:49.000 No one's looking out for men in this country.

00:41:51.000 Do you remember Fat Eddie that used to hang out at the comedy store?

00:41:54.000 Yes.

00:41:54.000 The Mexican guy?

00:41:55.000 Yes.

00:41:56.000 Great guy.

00:41:57.000 It was his birthday, and everyone's buying him shots, and it kind of goes along the lines.

00:42:02.000 Everybody's protecting women.

00:42:04.000 You can't protect women enough, no matter what. 0.96

00:42:07.000 If a woman gets just shitfaced, you're like, you don't have to do this. 0.97

00:42:10.000 You don't have to do this. 0.98

00:42:13.000 Yeah.

00:42:13.000 Listen, no.

00:42:14.000 Go home.

00:42:15.000 Listen, we're worried about you. 0.63

00:42:16.000 You're too drunk.

00:42:17.000 Something bad's gonna happen.

00:42:18.000 Dude, Eddie's doing shots.

00:42:19.000 He's so drunk.

00:42:20.000 He's like, I want to go to a...

00:42:22.000 I forget the name of the nightclub, which is After Hours.

00:42:25.000 I don't want to go there.

00:42:26.000 Nobody's like, Eddie, don't do it.

00:42:27.000 We're like, you want us to drop you off by yourself?

00:42:28.000 He's like, yeah.

00:42:29.000 The guy's throwing up on the side of the car.

00:42:32.000 Nobody cares.

00:42:33.000 Nobody cares at all.

00:42:34.000 That Eddie might die in a dumpster. 0.99

00:42:37.000 Yeah, nobody cares about male porn. 1.00

00:42:39.000 Nobody cares about male prostitution. 0.99

00:42:41.000 Nobody's looking out for men, period. 0.97

00:42:43.000 I got called a men's rights dodo, MRA dodo, by this chick. 0.99

00:42:49.000 It was someone we were talking about, like, someone, the tweet had something to do with feminism. 1.00

00:42:54.000 And someone called me a male rights dodo.

00:42:56.000 And I was like, what does that even mean?

00:42:58.000 What does that mean?

00:42:59.000 I had to look up MRA. It's male rights advocate or male rights activist.

00:43:03.000 And I was like, wow.

00:43:05.000 So someone who's a feminist can make fun of someone who's a male rights activist? 1.00

00:43:09.000 That's hilarious.

00:43:11.000 Like, just that you would do that across the board.

00:43:14.000 Massive generalization.

00:43:16.000 Male rights advocate.

00:43:17.000 That's like saying, nope, men don't need any more help.

00:43:19.000 Like, no, no, no, we're not going to allow that.

00:43:21.000 No, we want feminism, but no help for men. 1.00

00:43:24.000 Like, as if there aren't some crazy divorce laws. 0.99

00:43:29.000 Everybody's heard of ridiculous, brutal, terrifying divorces where the men were essentially targeted. 0.99

00:43:36.000 Targeted, roped in, sucked in, scammed, and no one's looking out for those guys. 0.91

00:43:41.000 I can't believe that.

00:43:42.000 No one cares.

00:43:43.000 It's almost acceptable in this country for women to try to get pregnant by famous guys. 0.91

00:43:49.000 It's an acceptable practice. 0.93

00:43:50.000 Well, listen, and they say, he should know better, he should know better.

00:43:54.000 Maybe he should.

00:43:55.000 You're right.

00:43:56.000 Maybe he should.

00:43:56.000 But it's not cute to support what's essentially criminal behavior.

00:44:01.000 If someone's doing that, it's criminal behavior.

00:44:03.000 You know it, I know it.

00:44:05.000 It's kind of weird.

00:44:07.000 You know, a great example of what you're talking about is like anytime you hear a story about a woman cutting a man's privates off, you hear women laughing about that constantly.

00:44:17.000 Oh, I don't know about that.

00:44:18.000 I've never heard a woman laugh about it. 1.00

00:44:19.000 Oh, I've heard girls joke about it, that they think it's hilarious. 1.00

00:44:22.000 Maybe really dumb ones that you're hanging around with. 0.99

00:44:24.000 Which is who I choose to hang out with. 1.00

00:44:27.000 But you hear people laugh about that.

00:44:29.000 If it went the other way, nobody would be like, dude, that's not cool. 1.00

00:44:32.000 I agree there would be way more outrage if a guy cut off a woman's pussy, like cut it out, scooped it out. 1.00

00:44:38.000 Right. 1.00

00:44:38.000 Which there should be outrage, but it should be outrage both ways. 1.00

00:44:41.000 I mean, to cut off a man's genitals and like put it in a blender is like horrific. 0.99

00:44:46.000 It is horrific. 1.00

00:44:47.000 That lady was really evil. 1.00

00:44:49.000 And whether she was a man or a woman, that's just someone being evil to a person.

00:44:52.000 And that's kind of my point.

00:44:53.000 It's like, why wouldn't you be a male rights advocate?

00:44:56.000 What about that guy that got arrested for rape, did four years in jail, and it turned out that the girl was lying, and now she has to do two months, and she gets to do it on the weekends.

00:45:05.000 We talked about it the other day.

00:45:06.000 It's a terrible case.

00:45:08.000 This poor man, he was just the neighbor.

00:45:10.000 And the girl got caught watching pornography by her mother, so she concocted this story that she was sexually assaulted, and she said that the story just got bigger and bigger and bigger until it spiraled out of control.

00:45:20.000 We talked to a guy on Greg Fitzsimmons' show the other day who was falsely accused of rape, and he went to jail for six years before the woman finally recanted.

00:45:28.000 He has zero repercussion.

00:45:30.000 He never got a dime from the state.

00:45:31.000 All he got was an apology.

00:45:32.000 The woman never did a day of time. 1.00

00:45:34.000 And it was a woman who he just got drunk with, and she didn't want to tell her boyfriend that she cheated on him, so she made up a story about getting raped.

00:45:42.000 Famous, there's a football player who just got on Seattle.

00:45:45.000 Yeah, he was in jail for five years.

00:45:47.000 He was going to be like a five-star athlete at USC. Yeah, in the same situation.

00:45:51.000 There's no repercussion.

00:45:52.000 If you're not a male rights advocate in those instances, you're not a human.

00:45:57.000 You're not a humanist.

00:45:58.000 You care about women more than you care about the human race as a whole. 0.96

00:46:02.000 And the human race as a whole...

00:46:05.000 Absolutely women need to be protected, but guess what? 0.99

00:46:07.000 So do everyone.

00:46:09.000 So does every baby.

00:46:10.000 So does every adult.

00:46:11.000 So does every young boy.

00:46:13.000 When a boy is 5, do you protect him?

00:46:15.000 How about 10?

00:46:16.000 How about 20?

00:46:17.000 20 is where you stop? 0.98

00:46:18.000 That's ridiculous. 0.94

00:46:19.000 I completely agree. 0.97

00:46:19.000 We're human beings. 0.97

00:46:21.000 And that's what you're dealing with is someone lying and ruining someone's life.

00:46:24.000 And that can happen on both sides.

00:46:27.000 The idea that you could make fun of someone who's looking out for men's rights, that's so gross.

00:46:32.000 If someone made fun of feminists, The values and ideas, the true values and ideas of equality in terms of law and employment and non-discrimination, all those things, if someone actually made fun of that just because they didn't like women, that would be disgusting. 0.98

00:46:48.000 It would be disgusting and misogynistic, but a woman can say that like male rights dodo or male rights advocate dummies, like, completely dismiss the idea that there should be someone looking out for men's rights. 1.00

00:47:02.000 But the idea is, the problem is, Who's going to come forth and say we need to change those laws?

00:47:07.000 Who's going to come forth and say, listen, if you want to falsely accuse someone of rape, you have to go to jail for the exact amount of time that you could have imprisoned that for.

00:47:15.000 Oh, I completely agree with that.

00:47:16.000 You should.

00:47:16.000 You absolutely should.

00:47:17.000 Why wouldn't that be?

00:47:19.000 That only seems logical.

00:47:20.000 Because they're not looking out for the human race. 0.96

00:47:22.000 They're looking out for Team Vagina first. 1.00

00:47:24.000 And they will even say that so many women are victimized that men should have to take the hit every now and then. 0.94

00:47:30.000 False accusations are acceptable as long as we limit the amount because they pale in comparison to the amount of women that are raped. 0.53

00:47:37.000 That sort of may be true, but it doesn't make them any less bad.

00:47:41.000 They're still really bad, and it fucks up the entire positive side of it. 0.96

00:47:46.000 It fucks up the entire pro-woman side of it. 1.00

00:47:49.000 If you're willing to ignore the fact that a guy is unjustly victimized, Yeah, I was talking, I had Tom Likas on my podcast.

00:47:57.000 Tom Likas!

00:47:58.000 The Naughty Show podcast, and he got in a lot of trouble because he would give out the names of the victims in these sexual stories when the story was coming out that they weren't being honest.

00:48:09.000 And, you know, I personally don't think any name in a sexual assault case should be put out until a final verdict comes out.

00:48:17.000 I don't know if that's realistic, but, I mean, especially today when anybody can accuse...

00:48:22.000 Well, how about a final verdict like this guy's case where he's in jail for four years?

00:48:24.000 He could have...

00:48:25.000 I mean, he was essentially labeled as a rapist for four years.

00:48:30.000 I mean, is it okay to talk about it then when it turns out four years later that it wasn't?

00:48:34.000 I agree with that.

00:48:35.000 I mean, personally, I would like nobody's name to be put out at all because...

00:48:39.000 Again, you could find out later on that they are innocent, but just the accusation towards a man, TMZ will run with it.

00:48:46.000 If you're somewhat famous, they'll say, your name, bright lights everywhere, and alleged victim, and you never hear their name.

00:48:52.000 And I understand a point of that, because you want women to come forward and not be afraid that their names can be splashed everywhere.

00:48:58.000 But let's not put the guy's name out until we actually know something.

00:49:04.000 It's interesting, but when you're in a position, like say if you're a famous basketball player or something along those lines, there's no innocent until proven guilty.

00:49:11.000 There's accuse them and then let them try to figure out how to exonerate themselves.

00:49:15.000 It happens very often.

00:49:17.000 And a lot of the times, it's just people that are crazy, that are making things up.

00:49:21.000 A lot of people don't know that Mike Tyson's story, when Mike Tyson went to jail for rape, did you know that the girl who accused him of rape also had a false accusation of rape?

00:49:30.000 That she had a drop a year before that.

00:49:32.000 She had made up a rape story a year before that. 0.93

00:49:35.000 This wasn't a new trick for her.

00:49:37.000 And I'm not saying that, you know, I don't know what happened or what didn't happen, but Mike Tyson is incredibly honest about his background, like what he did wrong, what he did right, how he was feeling, why he did the things he did, and he maintains this day that he did not rape that girl.

00:49:51.000 I saw his one-man show at the Pantages.

00:49:53.000 It was phenomenal.

00:49:54.000 What did he say about that?

00:49:56.000 He said that he didn't do it to this day.

00:49:58.000 He never did it.

00:49:59.000 He has no reason not to lie about it right now.

00:50:01.000 He's like, I'm being honest about everything else.

00:50:03.000 I have no reason to lie right now.

00:50:05.000 I believe him.

00:50:05.000 And he went to jail for that.

00:50:07.000 And I'm not saying that it wasn't, you know, like Mike Tyson was out of control.

00:50:11.000 I'm not saying it wasn't a case where there was a guy who was just like scaring the fuck out of people. 0.55

00:50:16.000 He was.

00:50:17.000 Look, you know, put yourself in his shoes.

00:50:20.000 Listen to his explanations of his life and you kind of understand where he was coming from.

00:50:23.000 I mean, I think for sure he was a very, very aggressive man.

00:50:26.000 But also for sure, like, how aggressive could he have been that that is okay?

00:50:35.000 I mean, how aggressive is it?

00:50:36.000 I mean, is he scary?

00:50:38.000 So it's okay to make up a lie about him?

00:50:40.000 Like, when is it okay?

00:50:41.000 It's never okay, man.

00:50:42.000 But to this day, that happened.

00:50:45.000 He went to jail.

00:50:45.000 And he's not the only guy.

00:50:47.000 It's happened to many people.

00:50:48.000 It is.

00:50:49.000 It's definitely, you know, one way towards one group than the other.

00:50:53.000 And it's just horrible, man.

00:50:55.000 I mean, you're ruining people's lives.

00:50:56.000 It doesn't have to be.

00:50:57.000 That's the real problem.

00:50:58.000 I don't think it has to be only the people that, you know, like the female, the weaker sex, are the ones in the weaker physically, are the ones that get the, you know, get the compassion. 0.74

00:51:11.000 Everybody should have compassion.

00:51:13.000 Isn't there a term for compassion?

00:51:15.000 Women who are sexist against men, it's like Mestrechny or something. 1.00

00:51:20.000 It's like, I forget the name of the word, but there's actually a label for it. 0.98

00:51:23.000 It's silly.

00:51:24.000 I'm for everybody, man.

00:51:25.000 I like everybody.

00:51:26.000 I really am.

00:51:28.000 If they're nice, right?

00:51:29.000 100%.

00:51:30.000 If you treat people like a human being, I'm totally open to you.

00:51:33.000 And I get it that women have to deal with a lot of douchey guys.

00:51:36.000 I totally get it.

00:51:38.000 I've been a douchey guy in my life.

00:51:40.000 I think we all have. 1.00

00:51:41.000 Trying to figure out who the fuck you are. 1.00

00:51:43.000 You're 17 or 18 or what have you. 1.00

00:51:45.000 Growing up, maybe you're angry.

00:51:46.000 Maybe somebody catches you on the wrong day.

00:51:48.000 We've all been...

00:51:49.000 We've all said the wrong thing.

00:51:51.000 It's part of learning how to communicate with people. 1.00

00:51:53.000 So I can imagine being a woman, being pursued by a bunch of asshole, aggressive shitheads. 1.00

00:51:58.000 I mean, it was never that, but I can get that. 1.00

00:52:01.000 I understand that. 0.99

00:52:02.000 I get why you would think the guy's disgusting if somebody raped you. 0.99

00:52:06.000 I get why you would hate all men. 0.99

00:52:08.000 I totally get it.

00:52:09.000 I totally get it.

00:52:10.000 But we're not all the same.

00:52:12.000 No one's all the same.

00:52:13.000 There's nice women. 1.00

00:52:15.000 There's nice men.

00:52:16.000 There's nice people.

00:52:17.000 There's people that enjoy each other's company on both sides, on both sexes. 0.98

00:52:22.000 And we have to unite as a race against shitty, angry, nasty behavior. 0.98

00:52:28.000 I completely agree with that. 0.99

00:52:49.000 And they're both as dangerous as the other ones.

00:52:52.000 Sometimes you see, like, these sentences where, like, a man and woman commit a crime, the guy gets life, the woman gets, like, three weeks in jail.

00:53:00.000 You know why?

00:53:00.000 Girls turn on the boy.

00:53:02.000 It wasn't my idea. 1.00

00:53:03.000 This motherfucker's crazy. 1.00

00:53:04.000 He's dragging me across the country. 1.00

00:53:06.000 Yeah, selling them out.

00:53:06.000 Snitches get stitches.

00:53:07.000 Did you see this?

00:53:08.000 There's an article about this woman from Real Housewives of New Jersey.

00:53:12.000 Do you know this?

00:53:13.000 Oh, some kind of...

00:53:15.000 Yeah, housewife. 1.00

00:53:17.000 Is she on trial?

00:53:18.000 No, well, there's that one too.

00:53:19.000 She basically says rape is okay. 1.00

00:53:23.000 What?! 0.87

00:53:24.000 Yeah, she's... 0.99

00:53:26.000 Melissa Gorga supports marital rape in her book.

00:53:31.000 What?! 0.91

00:53:32.000 She wrote a book about her hot marriage and it's hilarious shit because they take all these passages and Her husband is just a savage. 0.99

00:53:44.000 He's this guinea with a shaved head who wears leather pants, okay? 1.00

00:53:49.000 Right there, you're in trouble. 1.00

00:53:51.000 The leather pants are shady shit right there. 0.99

00:53:53.000 When you see them, I mean, look. 1.00

00:53:54.000 Ladies, that's a savage, alright? 1.00

00:53:56.000 Look at the size of that guy.

00:53:59.000 That's just how it goes.

00:54:00.000 And it's hilarious reading the book. 0.98

00:54:03.000 And I was reading it from a feminist site, which is really particularly fascinating because they were fucking furious. 1.00

00:54:08.000 They were so mad. 0.99

00:54:10.000 You know, he's this big meathead dude. 0.57

00:54:11.000 Yeah. 0.92

00:54:12.000 And apparently he just bangs her like a drum.

00:54:15.000 And he doesn't accept no. 1.00

00:54:17.000 I call it caveman fucking. 1.00

00:54:19.000 Yeah, he caveman fucks her. 1.00

00:54:20.000 But she looks super happy. 0.99

00:54:22.000 Yeah.

00:54:23.000 Well, I was having a conversation.

00:54:24.000 I go to a dog park.

00:54:26.000 I got a pit bull.

00:54:45.000 I'm like, yeah. 1.00

00:54:47.000 Let him just caveman fuck you. 1.00

00:54:49.000 Just like knuckle drag, primate, fuck you. 1.00

00:54:52.000 And it's like, let it happen because that's what you want. 1.00

00:54:54.000 You see these girls with these emos and these skinny jeans and these guys crying? 0.83

00:54:58.000 Like, that's not it. 1.00

00:54:59.000 You need a nice caveman fuck. 1.00

00:55:01.000 Some girls. 1.00

00:55:02.000 Some girls don't want that, Sam Tripoli. 1.00

00:55:04.000 The point is, some girls do. 1.00

00:55:05.000 And everybody's mad at this girl because she likes it. 1.00

00:55:08.000 She likes to get gorilla fucked by this savage dude. 1.00

00:55:11.000 And people think it's horrible, it's terrible. 1.00

00:55:13.000 She likes to give in to his requests.

00:55:16.000 She likes to have dinner ready for him, or he gets pissed. 1.00

00:55:18.000 And everybody's like, this guy's an asshole. 1.00

00:55:20.000 You don't have to marry him. 1.00

00:55:21.000 She's just telling you, but the problem is she's giving advice.

00:55:24.000 And the guy writes in the book too.

00:55:26.000 Listen to this.

00:55:28.000 Men, I know you think your woman isn't the type who wants to be taken, but trust me, she is. 1.00

00:55:32.000 Every girl wants to get her hair pulled once in a while. 1.00

00:55:35.000 If your wife says no, turn her around, rip her clothes off. 1.00

00:55:38.000 She wants to be dominated. 1.00

00:55:41.000 Women don't realize how easy men are. 1.00

00:55:43.000 Just give us what we want.

00:55:45.000 That is hilarious.

00:55:48.000 That's really funny, man.

00:55:50.000 Some people are in the role-playing.

00:55:52.000 I love that role-playing.

00:55:53.000 I love that cosplay.

00:55:55.000 I think that's awesome.

00:55:56.000 If a man comes home, there's no dinner on the table, and his wife is on the phone watching TV or on the computer ignoring him, he won't feel respected.

00:56:06.000 What did you expect?

00:56:07.000 It's Real Housewives of Jersey.

00:56:09.000 That's what works for her. 0.99

00:56:10.000 If it works for them.

00:56:11.000 That's the point.

00:56:12.000 It works for them. 0.99

00:56:13.000 God damn it. 1.00

00:56:15.000 What's your problem? 1.00

00:56:16.000 People hate it. 1.00

00:56:17.000 Well, they hate it because it sends out a message to other girls, you know, that they have to tolerate that shit, and you might not want it. 1.00

00:56:22.000 But some people do. 1.00

00:56:23.000 Yeah, some people do.

00:56:25.000 Yeah.

00:56:25.000 I mean, it's not my style.

00:56:27.000 I wouldn't want it if I was a woman either. 1.00

00:56:29.000 If you want to ape fuck your wife, ape fuck your wife. 1.00

00:56:32.000 It's not even just ape-fucking. 1.00

00:56:33.000 I think he said rape. 0.99

00:56:34.000 No, don't rape. 1.00

00:56:35.000 No means no.

00:56:36.000 Unless you're role-playing.

00:56:39.000 But no means no.

00:56:39.000 It seemed like rape to me.

00:56:41.000 It's just hilarious.

00:56:44.000 It's really interesting. 0.95

00:56:45.000 There's real passionate sex and there's maintenance sex.

00:56:48.000 You need them both for healthy marriage.

00:56:50.000 Maintenance sex keeps the wheels greased, the lines of communication open, and the fights to a minimum. 0.99

00:56:57.000 It's basically controlling a zoo.

00:57:01.000 The way she handles being married is like being a zookeeper occasionally. 0.98

00:57:07.000 You gotta feed the monkeys.

00:57:08.000 Gotta feed the animals.

00:57:09.000 The animals have to be treated with respect.

00:57:13.000 Nothing wrong with that.

00:57:14.000 If it works for you. 0.96

00:57:16.000 Yeah, she fucking seems really happy. 0.97

00:57:18.000 If she's happy, you know, it should be like, this works for me. 0.97

00:57:21.000 You might want to try it.

00:57:23.000 It's really interesting, man.

00:57:24.000 It's really interesting.

00:57:26.000 It's really interesting, because you see how other people react to this person's life, and they're angry.

00:57:36.000 I think it'd be more funny than anything, but I guess a site like these feminist sites, I guess their point is that this sends a really bad message. 1.00

00:57:45.000 I've always felt like there's a difference between progressives and liberals.

00:57:50.000 Mm-hmm.

00:57:51.000 Liberals are really open-minded to all thoughts.

00:57:55.000 I don't know if you can be open-minded to everything, but you're pretty much open-minded to different lives.

00:57:58.000 I feel like progressives are a little more skewed way to the left, kind of the way the neocons are skewed way to the right, where they have a certain vision of how the world should be.

00:58:07.000 It's more of an idealistic view of the world, whereas it's like Rosie O'Donnell versus Howard Stern.

00:58:13.000 I feel like Howard Stern and what he represents is more of a liberal base where he's like, he'll make fun of everybody.

00:58:20.000 Whereas Rosie O'Donnell has a certain view of how she should see the world, and it views progressive, you know, like feminism and all that stuff, and I'm open-minded to everybody.

00:58:29.000 I don't care if you're straight, gay, or whatever you're into, man, woman, whatever.

00:58:33.000 If you're a cool person, I'm down with it.

00:58:36.000 Yeah, I think the idea of progressive is just like anything else.

00:58:41.000 Call yourself a Republican, call yourself a Democrat, call yourself a liberal, call yourself a conservative.

00:58:46.000 The reality is...

00:58:49.000 Who you are is probably a gigantic spectrum of different things.

00:58:54.000 And to narrow it down to one or the other.

00:58:58.000 And to want other people to be like you is insane.

00:59:02.000 Idealism.

00:59:02.000 If somebody reads this and they have a problem that this woman lives like this, personally...

00:59:07.000 Then, if she likes it, what if she likes it?

00:59:10.000 Is that okay? 0.92

00:59:10.000 Like, I was looking at this Twitter page the other day, and there was some crazy lady who likes to get ball gagged. 0.92

00:59:15.000 And she's like, there's a smile behind this ball gag, and she's showing her rope marks on her arms, and she's like in a bondage and shit like that. 1.00

00:59:23.000 But that's what she's into. 0.94

00:59:25.000 It isn't real feminism, like, allowing all the full spectrum of human behavior... 1.00

00:59:30.000 Right to choose.

00:59:31.000 ...in the female mind. 1.00

00:59:34.000 You know, just like in the... 0.99

00:59:35.000 I mean, it's a fucking... 1.00

00:59:36.000 It's ridiculous. 1.00

00:59:37.000 If this girl likes this and this keeps them happy... 1.00

00:59:40.000 Well, it's like when they gave Palestine democracy and they got mad when they voted for who they vote for. 0.94

00:59:46.000 It's like you can't say, hey, here's freedom to vote and then get mad at who they vote for.

00:59:50.000 You know, it's like if you have freedom to choose and you choose something I like doesn't mean that you didn't use it right.

00:59:56.000 It's just the way it is.

00:59:57.000 There's also people have to acknowledge that Italians are not regular humans.

01:00:03.000 They just have to, okay?

01:00:05.000 They have to.

01:00:06.000 It's a totally different type of human being.

01:00:08.000 Italians? 0.98

01:00:09.000 Yes.

01:00:09.000 Are different than everybody else?

01:00:11.000 It's a completely different thing.

01:00:13.000 They came from the Romans.

01:00:15.000 There's thousands of years of savagery behind these people.

01:00:19.000 All of a sudden they start making spaghetti and meatballs. 0.98

01:00:21.000 You think everything's going to calm the fuck down? 0.79

01:00:22.000 Right. 0.91

01:00:22.000 It's not. 0.91

01:00:23.000 It's not a normal person.

01:00:24.000 Right.

01:00:25.000 There's a big difference between the savagery that lies in the Italian DNA. And your average waspy type chick, you know, who went to Columbia and wears Birkenstocks and is really tired of assholes like this promoting this kind of bullshit. 1.00

01:00:38.000 Right. 1.00

01:00:38.000 Male patroness. 1.00

01:00:40.000 You know, what is that?

01:00:41.000 I don't get it.

01:00:41.000 It's a different type of human.

01:00:43.000 That's what it is.

01:00:44.000 Okay?

01:00:45.000 She needs a good caveman. 1.00

01:00:46.000 Look, there's no way you can tell me that Oprah Winfrey and Shaquille O'Neal have the same thoughts.

01:00:52.000 They do not.

01:00:54.000 Rosie O'Donnell and Shaquille O'Neal.

01:00:56.000 Do they have the same thoughts?

01:00:57.000 Does Michael Jordan think like Katie Couric? 1.00

01:00:59.000 No, the fuck he does not. 1.00

01:01:01.000 We're different, goddammit. 1.00

01:01:02.000 And what works for you might not work for them. 0.62

01:01:05.000 What works for them might be awesome in their world.

01:01:08.000 I always find that people want a world that plays to their strengths and they want to outlaw what plays to their weaknesses.

01:01:15.000 They want a world that they're king and then get rid of the people that make me play to my weaknesses. 0.67

01:01:21.000 It's so obvious when you see that.

01:01:25.000 Ideally, if you treat your fellow human being nice, you should be able to be who you want to be and do what you want to do.

01:01:32.000 The Naughty Show is a great example.

01:01:34.000 There are some female comics who will not do the Naughty Show because they don't like that there's a porn star here and there. 1.00

01:01:40.000 Even though I put more females up on my show than most people, I put more female comedians up on my show than most people do. 0.99

01:01:47.000 I find female comics very funny. 1.00

01:01:49.000 The ones that I like...

01:01:51.000 There's some who go in there and just crush that room.

01:01:53.000 But there's some women who will not even get on the stage because they just think it's degrading to women. 1.00

01:02:01.000 Yeah, I understand that thinking.

01:02:03.000 I know where they're coming from.

01:02:04.000 I don't agree with it.

01:02:05.000 I think, you know, it's very possible to be a porn star and... 0.98

01:02:10.000 Be a feminist. 1.00

01:02:11.000 If you really love sex and you really love...

01:02:13.000 I mean, I'm not saying that every girl who does it feels that way, but you could be. 0.99

01:02:18.000 You could be someone who really loves sex and really loves being, like, you know, an exhibitionist and wants to fuck on film. 0.99

01:02:25.000 It's a business and a brand, almost. 0.98

01:02:26.000 How come a man's able to do it and we don't go looking to save him, but if a woman does it, like, Okay, just, I mean, this is just throwing it out there, just trying to objectively look at the full spectrum of human behavior and saying it is possible that it's not degrading for that woman. 0.74

01:02:40.000 It is possible if it's just sex.

01:02:42.000 I think it comes from the fact that there was a notion one time that women don't like sex. 1.00

01:02:47.000 Yeah. 0.56

01:02:47.000 That women only give in to our sex because we want it and they really want nothing to do with it. 0.56

01:02:52.000 But the reality is they love sex as much as men love sex. 0.99

01:02:56.000 And I've been reading about all these girls pulling guns out on dudes trying to have sex with them. 1.00

01:03:01.000 Did you hear about the Denny's waitress who robbed a guy at gunpoint, took his wallet and made him have sex with her friend? 0.98

01:03:10.000 At gunpoint. 0.89

01:03:11.000 Yeah.

01:03:12.000 He might have had a good time that night.

01:03:13.000 I don't know, man. 0.85

01:03:14.000 How ugly is that friend? 0.98

01:03:15.000 Did you need to pull a gun out? 0.97

01:03:16.000 How did he get it hard?

01:03:17.000 That's what's really cool.

01:03:18.000 That's gotta be a rough one. 1.00

01:03:19.000 Guy's a bad motherfucker. 1.00

01:03:20.000 He'd get hard with a gun in his head. 1.00

01:03:21.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:03:23.000 Some Quentin Tarantino porno.

01:03:25.000 There's a lot of people that are really emphasizing... 0.98

01:03:30.000 Things that would benefit women, but there's a lot of them that do think that men should be able to be whoever the fuck they want, and we should be able to choose. 1.00

01:03:38.000 I mean, there's people that you get along with that I wouldn't, and I get along with that you wouldn't.

01:03:42.000 It's just a part of life.

01:03:43.000 We're weird pieces, and we don't fit together like puzzles, you know?

01:03:47.000 Sometimes you find people, and together they work.

01:03:51.000 Right!

01:03:52.000 Doesn't seem to make sense, and yeah, they might be broken, but guess what? 1.00

01:03:55.000 You're a little broken too, stupid. 1.00

01:03:57.000 You're not the perfect person. 1.00

01:03:59.000 Nobody's broken.

01:03:59.000 I read this one article this woman was talking about.

01:04:02.000 She posted all of her hate tweets, all the people that tweeted her.

01:04:05.000 And they were about various subjects, all kinds of different things. 1.00

01:04:07.000 They disagreed with her, insulting her and shitting on her. 0.99

01:04:11.000 But she says, you know what these people all have in common? 1.00

01:04:14.000 They all hate women. 1.00

01:04:16.000 It's like, no, [... 0.76

01:04:17.000 They don't hate women.

01:04:18.000 They don't like you.

01:04:19.000 These people don't like you.

01:04:21.000 You can't say they hate women. 0.99

01:04:22.000 That's the biggest cop-out of all time.

01:04:24.000 Well, that's trying to control the thought and stop the conversation. 0.98

01:04:27.000 That's like the low blow, like, okay, conversation, so you hate women. 1.00

01:04:31.000 We're done. 0.97

01:04:31.000 Yeah, exactly, exactly. 0.97

01:04:33.000 And the idea that because someone hates you, they hate everything with a vagina is ridiculous. 1.00

01:04:38.000 And especially when they're being very specific about what you said that's stupid. 1.00

01:04:43.000 That doesn't mean they hate every woman. 0.99

01:04:45.000 And that idea that you're going to get backup from every person with a double X chromosome on the planet because you said that is a silly...

01:04:53.000 Like, parachute that people pull to try to stop everything.

01:04:57.000 Control your thoughts. 0.98

01:04:58.000 It's ridiculous. 0.99

01:04:59.000 It's weak, and it's hacky, and it's tired. 0.99

01:05:02.000 It's a really weak-minded way of approaching any sort of a discussion. 0.98

01:05:07.000 You know, you could show about how angry these fucking people are about various ideas, which is true. 0.99

01:05:13.000 The anger that you see on Twitter and on the internet It's unbelievable, man. 0.99

01:05:17.000 There was a thread today that I posted last night about climate change.

01:05:22.000 It was just an article that I read.

01:05:24.000 I think it was in Vice.

01:05:26.000 Maybe it wasn't Vice.

01:05:27.000 I'll find out.

01:05:28.000 I posted something on Vice. 0.97

01:05:31.000 About the Pacific garbage patch and There was this thing on climate change and all I did was just put it up there and the the topic was nine things that or things that Scientists are less sure of than they are of climate change and all the sudden it my fucking It is on Vice. 0.95

01:05:53.000 Motherboard.vice.com. 0.84

01:05:54.000 All of a sudden, my Twitter feed became this massive argument, back and forth, between people that are in total denial that we're causing climate change.

01:06:03.000 Oh, yeah, these are the same scientists in the 70s that said we're headed to an ice age.

01:06:07.000 No, they're not.

01:06:08.000 Those guys are dead.

01:06:09.000 Okay? 1.00

01:06:10.000 That's 1970, you dumb cunt. 1.00

01:06:11.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:06:12.000 That's a long-ass time ago. 1.00

01:06:13.000 You think those fucking people are alive? 1.00

01:06:16.000 1970? 1.00

01:06:16.000 That's 43 fucking years ago. 1.00

01:06:17.000 You think those people are still alive? 0.99

01:06:19.000 People react emotionally now instead of logically.

01:06:23.000 They don't digest what you're saying and understand it might be a different perspective.

01:06:26.000 No, no, no.

01:06:27.000 It's not even emotional.

01:06:29.000 It's ideologically.

01:06:30.000 There's a left and a right. 0.96

01:06:32.000 And people on the left think that climate change is done by man and that we're accelerating it and we need to do something and carbon tax and all that shit. 0.93

01:06:40.000 And people on the right think it's just a ploy to get more taxes. 0.91

01:06:43.000 People on the right say, look, if you look at the trends, the earth is warming and cooling.

01:06:47.000 It's been going on forever.

01:06:49.000 It is the way things have always been.

01:06:51.000 How come the last six years have showed a cooling trend? 0.99

01:06:55.000 All these wacky motherfuckers that don't want to believe it. 0.99

01:06:58.000 They're not scientists. 1.00

01:07:00.000 They have real jobs. 0.99

01:07:01.000 There's people that are studying this 20 hours a fucking day every day of the week and they don't really know what the fuck is going on. 0.99

01:07:08.000 And some dickhead with a regular job who reads the Wall Street Journal and pretends he's a player in the stock market because he day trades during lunch. 1.00

01:07:16.000 This dumb fuck thinks he can tell you? 1.00

01:07:18.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:07:18.000 No, he's one of those weirdo right-wing, you know, there's this, what's good for business, and a lot of them are broke. 1.00

01:07:26.000 That's what's really interesting about people that support big businesses and they have right-wing ideologies, and a lot of them that will support these big businesses are getting fucked over by the same businesses on the regular. 0.72

01:07:36.000 Isn't it called the lottery mentality, where like, even though people are broke, they're like, I might win the lottery, and then I don't want to pay taxes on that.

01:07:43.000 We're like, well, that's probably not going to happen.

01:07:45.000 Well, there's also that people don't ever want to think that they're losers.

01:07:49.000 They always want to think that they're just winners who haven't won yet. 0.98

01:07:52.000 So even if their life is shit and it keeps falling apart and they never get it right, one day I'm gonna get it. 1.00

01:07:58.000 And when I do, these fucking pukes in Washington aren't getting a nickel. 1.00

01:08:02.000 These motherfuckers, they don't work for shit. 1.00

01:08:05.000 So interesting. 1.00

01:08:05.000 You know, what they're trying to do is support the hippies. 1.00

01:08:07.000 To vote against your own interests is just so interesting.

01:08:11.000 Yeah, this guy, Seth Bronstein, the Associated Press, the science correspondent, what he said was that the world's climatologists are now gearing up to officially proclaim that they are 95% certain that humans are to blame for global warning.

01:08:26.000 That 5% gap may seem large.

01:08:29.000 It is not.

01:08:29.000 In science, nothing is 100% sure, not even the law of gravity.

01:08:33.000 And according to this guy, Bronstein, there are a few things that scientists are just as or less certain of than climate change.

01:08:41.000 And they are, one, that cigarettes kill.

01:08:44.000 Two, the age of the universe.

01:08:47.000 Three, that vitamins make you healthy.

01:08:49.000 And four, that dioxin in Superfund sites is dangerous.

01:08:54.000 Wow.

01:08:55.000 That's hilarious.

01:08:57.000 Also, that string theory actually describes reality and that the rate of the universe expanded after the Big Bang.

01:09:04.000 Those are other ones that the author has added.

01:09:07.000 A little less certain about.

01:09:08.000 This author, Brian Merchant.

01:09:10.000 It's an interesting article.

01:09:11.000 And it's a big point, is that for whatever reason, people that don't really know want to jump up and say, look, I am no fucking climate expert by any stretch of the imagination.

01:09:20.000 I sort of get it, but I also know that there was...

01:09:24.000 I mean, there's been ice ages without human intervention.

01:09:27.000 There's been the period when the dinosaurs were here.

01:09:29.000 It was a vastly different climate than we're experiencing right now.

01:09:32.000 We obviously had nothing to do with that.

01:09:33.000 That was an asteroid impact that changed our climate. 0.99

01:09:36.000 All that shit happens, and it happens on a regular basis. 0.98

01:09:38.000 And it probably happened 12,000 years ago, and it's probably what ended the last ice age. 1.00

01:09:43.000 But these people that pretend that they know that we're not causing some of it You're crazy.

01:09:50.000 Is it that you think that you can now get your news tailored to your views?

01:09:54.000 Instead of everybody watching four channels, now there's such niche news channels that just play to what you want to hear.

01:10:03.000 So it just reinforces what you're saying.

01:10:06.000 You don't hear the other side of the argument.

01:10:08.000 You only hear what you want to hear.

01:10:10.000 Well, that's certainly an option.

01:10:13.000 At least it is right now.

01:10:15.000 You know, I think one of these days there's going to be some sort of technology where you could post something and it'll immediately be verified as truth or horseshit.

01:10:24.000 Like, say if you... 0.82

01:10:25.000 Oh, I'd love to see the horseshit symbol. 0.87

01:10:27.000 Well, it seems like it should be able to, like...

01:10:30.000 You should be able to post a statement and then have to put like an S or an I. I is that it's just an idea or you know F maybe it's just that it's fiction or S is a statement.

01:10:42.000 If you want people to take you seriously.

01:10:44.000 So if you go with S and you believe this and then boom it calculates all the known scientific data from peer-reviewed sources and it just gives you a pile of horseshit that sits underneath your post.

01:10:58.000 That should be a graphic. 0.97

01:10:59.000 This post has been shown to be horseshit. 0.64

01:11:02.000 And that is something that would be really interesting. 0.91

01:11:04.000 It would stop a lot of internet debate, like climate debate or this debate.

01:11:09.000 There's a lot of it. 1.00

01:11:10.000 You've got to Google shit. 0.99

01:11:11.000 You've got to find the post. 0.99

01:11:12.000 They post it up.

01:11:13.000 And, oh, let's buy a source.

01:11:14.000 And it would be nice if there was a...

01:11:16.000 And it will happen.

01:11:17.000 It's going to happen.

01:11:18.000 Consumer reports, no bias, just boom.

01:11:21.000 No advertisements, no nothing.

01:11:22.000 Speaking of which, people on Twitter today were schooling me on Yelp.

01:11:28.000 Some business owners, because I love Yelp.

01:11:31.000 Yelp is such a great resource.

01:11:32.000 When you go somewhere, like if you go to a town, you want to find out what the badass restaurant is.

01:11:37.000 For the most part, it's super accurate.

01:11:40.000 But apparently...

01:11:42.000 Two things that people showed me.

01:11:44.000 One, which is kind of crazy, is that Yelp actually writes reviews.

01:11:50.000 They have employees that even write bad reviews.

01:11:53.000 What?

01:11:54.000 Yes.

01:11:55.000 And that if you have some shitty reviews on your site, they'll actually ask you if you want to get those moved.

01:12:02.000 And they can move them to the back.

01:12:04.000 For a price.

01:12:05.000 Yeah, they charge you.

01:12:07.000 They charge you per month.

01:12:09.000 And it's, like, these people were describing, like, being called, like, once a month by the company.

01:12:16.000 And, you know, I mean, obviously this is one side of it, and I would love to hear the Yelp side of it as well.

01:12:23.000 Because, like I said, I use Yelp all the time, and I really like it.

01:12:27.000 But it said, there was another thing, that 20% of all Yelp reviews are written by paid shills.

01:12:33.000 Well, I mean, you can see that on iTunes comments.

01:12:37.000 There's computer programs who just will make up fake comments.

01:12:44.000 Well, you know what else they're doing?

01:12:45.000 There's also people that are manipulating their iTunes numbers, especially podcasts, by re-uploading the same episode.

01:12:54.000 There's some way that they manipulate the upload process.

01:12:57.000 I had a...

01:12:58.000 Chris Gore was on my podcast.

01:13:00.000 He was telling me about...

01:13:00.000 He wouldn't name the names, but he knows people who know how to manipulate it just so their rankings can go up.

01:13:06.000 Yeah, well, that's how your rankings go up.

01:13:07.000 I have no clue.

01:13:08.000 I just throw it up there.

01:13:09.000 Your rankings go up by...

01:13:10.000 Apparently, the iTunes thing has to do with posts and comments, and it also has to do with downloads and also has to do with new subscribers.

01:13:17.000 And so people develop algorithms to kind of hack into this.

01:13:22.000 Allegedly.

01:13:23.000 Allegedly.

01:13:23.000 This is allegedly.

01:13:24.000 By the way, this is not my thoughts.

01:13:25.000 This is according to another podcaster who really was upset about it that he thinks that there's some shenanigans going on.

01:13:30.000 I'm sure there is.

01:13:32.000 Well, did you hear about that guy that he was buying Twitter friends?

01:13:37.000 There's a service, and there's a comedian.

01:13:40.000 He admitted to buying Twitter friends, and then last night, he actually punched a reviewer.

01:13:47.000 He was at a show.

01:13:48.000 Did you hear about this?

01:13:49.000 Yes. 0.99

01:13:49.000 And, I mean, really kind of fucking mild shit that this guy got punched over. 0.99

01:13:53.000 Oh, I've heard stories about that dude. 0.99

01:13:55.000 The guy who punched him?

01:13:56.000 Oh, yeah.

01:13:57.000 What's his name?

01:13:58.000 Whatever.

01:13:58.000 You don't need to say it.

01:14:00.000 Who wants to get sued?

01:14:01.000 But I was actually on tour, and they were telling me a story about him.

01:14:03.000 The guy who punches you will sue you.

01:14:06.000 The story about him, that he was famous...

01:14:09.000 Oh, well, then if he's Sue, I'm not going to tell a story.

01:14:11.000 No, he doesn't...

01:14:11.000 You don't have to...

01:14:12.000 He didn't say who the guy is.

01:14:14.000 Well, what he would do is, like, if he found out you were the same kind of comedian as him, an ethnic group, right? 0.72

01:14:20.000 He found out you the same kind of comedian as him, and you got booked on this ethnic group comedy night, what he would find out is he would call you up and he'd go, Hey, I got this other gig that night.

01:14:31.000 It pays this.

01:14:32.000 Why don't you do my show?

01:14:34.000 And you'd be like, well, I already got booked, but I'll offer you more money.

01:14:37.000 You guys, okay.

01:14:38.000 So you unbook that show.

01:14:41.000 He'll call them up, get you booked on, book himself in your spot.

01:14:46.000 And then when the show comes up, he'll call you up and go, yeah, the show got canceled.

01:14:49.000 I'm sorry.

01:14:50.000 And then go do your spot in your show.

01:14:53.000 Unless you've heard this firsthand, I wouldn't say that.

01:14:57.000 Because that's...

01:14:58.000 I just told me...

01:14:59.000 I don't know if it's true.

01:14:59.000 I just said it.

01:15:00.000 You didn't say the guy's name.

01:15:01.000 Yeah, I would never say...

01:15:02.000 Can we edit it out? 0.99

01:15:03.000 No, we can't edit shit out. 0.98

01:15:04.000 Come on, edit it out! 0.96

01:15:05.000 It goes live.

01:15:05.000 I'm only kidding.

01:15:06.000 It goes live.

01:15:07.000 Yeah, that's why I've heard the story. 0.99

01:15:08.000 So you punch this guy in the face. 0.97

01:15:10.000 This guy who is a... 0.99

01:15:12.000 I guess he's a reviewer.

01:15:16.000 What does he review for?

01:15:17.000 Not the Huffington Post.

01:15:18.000 I'll tell you right now.

01:15:19.000 He reviews for Newsweek Daily Beast.

01:15:23.000 The beast.

01:15:24.000 Hilarious.

01:15:25.000 I mean, it's hilarious.

01:15:27.000 The guy was telling a bunch of hacky jokes.

01:15:32.000 And so the dude talked about it on his Twitter, and he came up to him, asked him if that was his name, and just punches him right in the face.

01:15:40.000 And then pushed him, and then came back and punched him in the face again. 0.97

01:15:43.000 And what the guy said was really fucking mild. 0.99

01:15:46.000 This is what gets you to punch... 0.98

01:15:49.000 The guy's name was funny until he dusted off his 2005 Katrina jokes in a gratingly bad GWB impression.

01:15:57.000 That sounds like some criticism that started off saying you were funny.

01:16:02.000 Yeah. 0.97

01:16:03.000 You were funny and then you did a shitty joke. 0.94

01:16:04.000 Or you were funny until you started telling jokes. 0.99

01:16:07.000 Then he said he makes his umpteenth joke about how Asians can't distinguish between letters L and R. Election, erection, we get it. 0.97

01:16:15.000 That's it. 0.96

01:16:15.000 And then the next one is the guy just punched him in the face. 0.96

01:16:18.000 Ha ha! 0.86

01:16:19.000 That's incredible.

01:16:20.000 The guy's name is Josh Rogan.

01:16:21.000 R-O-G-I-N. And no, I'm not talking about this because his name is Rogan.

01:16:25.000 I'm talking about this because it's important. 0.99

01:16:27.000 You shouldn't get punched because you say someone sucks. 1.00

01:16:29.000 Who, by listening to Josh Rogan's tweets, pretty much fucking sucks. 1.00

01:16:33.000 And if the guy's not telling the truth, I mean, if he made up this guy's tweets, it would be one thing. 0.99

01:16:40.000 But we could read them. 0.95

01:16:42.000 We could see exactly what he said that got him punched, and it's pretty goddamn mild. 0.89

01:16:47.000 Yeah, pretty tame. 0.89

01:16:49.000 There's no hiding this. 1.00

01:16:50.000 It's not like, he called me a gook and he says my mother's a whore. 1.00

01:16:54.000 No, no, [... 1.00

01:16:55.000 It says right there.

01:16:57.000 So if that's really how it went down.

01:16:58.000 We don't know how it went down.

01:16:59.000 If I swung on everybody that criticized me on Twitter, I'd be Bruce Lee taking on 90 dudes at one time. 0.99

01:17:07.000 So I was talking about the climate change thing is how goddamn angry people get on Twitter. 0.99

01:17:11.000 People are so angry. 0.98

01:17:13.000 And I don't think it's because of the words that they're debating.

01:17:16.000 I think most of this anger is they're already on a short fuse because they're not happy with...

01:17:22.000 Their situation, whether it's their relationship or their body or their job or their career or all of the above.

01:17:30.000 Whether it's something they did wrong or whether there's something they haven't done right, whatever it is.

01:17:37.000 I think people are just inherently frustrated at their position in life.

01:17:40.000 And everybody's anonymous, so it's like there's very little accountability.

01:17:46.000 It doesn't come back to you.

01:17:47.000 It only goes back to your page, and it stops there.

01:17:50.000 That's why what ESPN has done is now you have to log in with your Facebook page, because Facebook, you have to use your real name.

01:17:57.000 They have to verify it's you, and you have to use your real name.

01:18:00.000 So if you're going to comment somewhere, you have to put your name on it.

01:18:02.000 That's funny, but ESPN makes you do that? 0.99

01:18:05.000 That sounds like bullshit to me. 0.99

01:18:06.000 I don't like that. 1.00

01:18:07.000 I do and I don't.

01:18:08.000 I like accountability.

01:18:10.000 I do too, yeah.

01:18:12.000 It takes away a lot of trolling.

01:18:14.000 If you're going to say something, you're going to put your name on it.

01:18:16.000 Yeah, and I guess it does if you're representing a company like ESPN. They do have a certain reputation to uphold.

01:18:25.000 They got mad at me once.

01:18:26.000 Who, ESPN? Yeah.

01:18:28.000 I said that this dude, Houston Alexander, fights like he tried to rape his mother. 0.92

01:18:35.000 I'm sorry I said that, but that's an old-school gym expression, unfortunately. 0.77

01:18:40.000 As a person who's trained in fight gyms my whole life, that's a really common expression.

01:18:46.000 It doesn't seem like it is, but it actually is, especially in the East Coast, where I grew up in Boston.

01:18:52.000 I have heard that so many times in the description of a guy.

01:18:56.000 Dude, it's Disney, man.

01:18:58.000 They suspended Tony Kornheiser because he said that one of the female reporters was dressing like she's 20 years younger, and he had to take a week off.

01:19:10.000 Because ESPN's had a lot of problems.

01:19:12.000 If you read their book, they had a lot of problems with sexual harassment.

01:19:15.000 Way back in the day.

01:19:16.000 So anything that comes even close to that is like, eh, eh, eh, whoa.

01:19:19.000 It's just unfortunate when everybody has to act.

01:19:21.000 I mean, it's one thing if you're saying something that's shitty, but it's another thing to act straightforward towards political correctness. 0.73

01:19:29.000 Because if I said he fights like he tried to kill his mother, everyone would have been fine with that. 0.99

01:19:34.000 He fights like he tried to kill his mother.

01:19:37.000 Everybody would have been fine like that. 0.99

01:19:38.000 But the sexual implications of rape are somehow or another awful.

01:19:42.000 It's just too much.

01:19:44.000 Violence and sex are just looked at two totally different things.

01:19:48.000 Isn't that weird?

01:19:48.000 It is weird.

01:19:49.000 You go to see a movie and you see a dude kill 30, 40 people, but if they fuck and you see his penis go into her vagina, people will explode. 1.00

01:19:57.000 The thing that they want to do all day, everybody wants to fuck. 1.00

01:20:01.000 This is what most people want if your hormones work. 1.00

01:20:04.000 You want this. 1.00

01:20:04.000 You want someone who wants to fuck you and you want to fuck them and you actually like them and they actually like you and you guys both like to fuck each other and you go at it. 1.00

01:20:15.000 That's what people want! 1.00

01:20:15.000 Yep. 1.00

01:20:16.000 What do people not want? 0.98

01:20:18.000 To get killed.

01:20:18.000 They don't want to get killed.

01:20:19.000 But what can't you see? 1.00

01:20:21.000 Can't see people fucking. 1.00

01:20:22.000 What can you see? 1.00

01:20:23.000 People getting killed.

01:20:24.000 Why is that?

01:20:25.000 We're crazy. 1.00

01:20:26.000 You know, we never hear about stories about spree sexist people walking into offices and just fucking having sex with everybody. 1.00

01:20:33.000 You never see that on the news, but you see a guy going crazy and shooting everybody. 1.00

01:20:36.000 Yeah, nobody goes in the Navy yard and sucks everybody's dick. 1.00

01:20:39.000 Some chick went crazy in the Navy yard. 1.00

01:20:41.000 He went crazy. 1.00

01:20:42.000 He went on a dick-sucking rampage. 1.00

01:20:44.000 You know, that is a really important point. 1.00

01:20:46.000 We have this weird desire for violence in this country. 0.95

01:20:50.000 And even though in real life we love sex and we want sex all the time, you can't just blow people on TV. You can't. 0.98

01:20:58.000 I mean, if they show anything in a TV show, it's a kiss, and maybe you start pulling each other's clothes off, and then the fucking screen goes black. 0.97

01:21:06.000 Oh yeah, it's the Sex and the City stuff. 0.96

01:21:08.000 It's like passion, passion, next day, laying in bed. 1.00

01:21:11.000 Could you imagine if there was a real incident where a guy came to some police station and just sucked everybody's dick? 0.99

01:21:18.000 Just gassed the whole room, pulls a pin, throws it in there, sleeping gas, everybody falls asleep. 1.00

01:21:25.000 They wake up and the videotapes just show him sucking every dick in the place. 0.99

01:21:29.000 He goes, he's still unconscious. 1.00

01:21:31.000 These men, we have families. 1.00

01:21:32.000 And he's just sucking their cocks. 1.00

01:21:35.000 He gives them all Viagra, anally, puts it in their ass, crushes it up. 1.00

01:21:39.000 Crunch, crunch, crunch. 1.00

01:21:40.000 The Russian chick? 0.99

01:21:41.000 Yeah.

01:21:42.000 Who, uh, the guy walked into the beauty salon and he goes... 1.00

01:21:45.000 Yeah, she made him fucker. 1.00

01:21:46.000 Oh, yeah, it's fucking... 1.00

01:21:47.000 Who has that much telephone wire available to tie somebody up and then just shoves Viagra in it for three days? 0.99

01:21:54.000 That dude will let her. 1.00

01:21:55.000 He's full of shit. 1.00

01:21:58.000 It's nonsense. 1.00

01:21:58.000 He's full of shit. 1.00

01:22:00.000 He fucked her. 1.00

01:22:01.000 Look, I just think even if someone gave you Viagra, if you didn't want to fuck them, you probably wouldn't get hard. 1.00

01:22:07.000 Viagra doesn't make you just get hard for no reason. 1.00

01:22:10.000 You eat a Viagra, your dick doesn't just get hard. 1.00

01:22:13.000 You have to get stimulated. 1.00

01:22:15.000 I don't know, man. 0.94

01:22:16.000 I've had some weird erections. 0.91

01:22:17.000 I think he's annoying. 1.00

01:22:18.000 He's probably just a dumb dude that wanted attention. 1.00

01:22:20.000 She make me sex slave. 1.00

01:22:22.000 That was the worst Russian accent ever, probably. 1.00

01:22:24.000 Dude, you got a future in voiceovers.

01:22:26.000 I don't think I do.

01:22:27.000 Believe in yourself.

01:22:28.000 I don't.

01:22:29.000 I don't.

01:22:30.000 Did you see that dude where they grew a nose on his face?

01:22:33.000 Yeah.

01:22:33.000 He had a bad car accident?

01:22:35.000 Yeah.

01:22:35.000 He's got a nose on his forehead?

01:22:37.000 Well, he had a car accident and then he got a nose infection.

01:22:41.000 And in the middle of this infection, his nose actually, like, you know, you can get necrosis.

01:22:49.000 You can get, like, a really bad skin infection, and your tissue dies off, and they have to replace that tissue.

01:22:55.000 Like, sometimes with staph infections, guys have to get, um, there's the dude.

01:22:59.000 Yeah, but they're growing his nose, right?

01:23:01.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:23:03.000 Well, you know that woman who was on the Time magazine cover with her nose cut off? 0.74

01:23:06.000 Do you remember that?

01:23:08.000 Yes.

01:23:08.000 It was a famous case of violence against women in Afghanistan.

01:23:14.000 Horrible.

01:23:15.000 Insanely horrible.

01:23:16.000 She was given away as property.

01:23:20.000 The parents owed money or something, and they gave her away.

01:23:23.000 Oh, my God.

01:23:25.000 You know, having little girls, man, and the idea of that about giving your little girl away to someone is so horrific to me, so impossible to even imagine.

01:23:36.000 I've been to Afghanistan.

01:23:37.000 They are half-assed backwards.

01:23:40.000 I'm sorry, man.

01:23:41.000 It is medieval times over there.

01:23:43.000 How many times did you go there?

01:23:44.000 I went there once, and we were actually there when the big prison break happened.

01:23:48.000 That kind of changed the momentum of the war.

01:23:51.000 They had this big inside job where 300 extremists got out, and it kind of changed it.

01:23:56.000 And we couldn't leave right off the bat because of the whole thing.

01:23:59.000 It happened while you were there?

01:24:01.000 Yeah.

01:24:01.000 Whoa.

01:24:02.000 What'd that feel like?

01:24:03.000 It was scary, man.

01:24:04.000 I mean, it was scary things.

01:24:06.000 But, you know, it's like if I do USOs, man, I would prefer to go into a war zone and entertain the troops.

01:24:11.000 I just, they're very appreciative and you feel like you're doing something for them.

01:24:15.000 So I'd rather go into that than go.

01:24:17.000 I've done bases on like Guam where it just, there's no, and I'm glad there's no war going on there.

01:24:22.000 But it's just like, they're just a base and they're okay with it.

01:24:25.000 But they're like, yeah, whatever.

01:24:27.000 You know, but you go into some, we went to a base called the Alamo.

01:24:31.000 Because it was surrounded by locals, man.

01:24:35.000 And they were so thankful.

01:24:37.000 I mean, they were totally...

01:24:39.000 Every joke just was this giant Def Jam laugh.

01:24:42.000 Boom! 0.99

01:24:43.000 Boom! 0.99

01:24:43.000 Just huge laughter, man. 0.99

01:24:45.000 I would much rather do that.

01:24:46.000 Wow, that's really interesting.

01:24:48.000 Do you still do it?

01:24:48.000 Do you still go over there?

01:24:49.000 I just did one.

01:24:50.000 We went to Bahrain.

01:24:51.000 Wow.

01:24:52.000 Where, like, all the missiles are in case Iran decides to... 0.63

01:24:56.000 You know, get a little crazy.

01:24:57.000 Well, that's the place where Amber Lyon got fired from CNN or left CNN because she did this detailed report on Bahrain and they turned it into like a tourist piece.

01:25:10.000 Like, you should visit Bahrain.

01:25:12.000 Beautiful downtown Bahrain.

01:25:14.000 It's weird when you go to all these places how much American culture is everywhere.

01:25:19.000 You know, Aaron Cater used to have a joke about that, about how, you know, like he'd go to the Middle East, do entertaining, and they'd be like, America is a paper tiger, you know?

01:25:27.000 But what do you want?

01:25:28.000 Do you want KFC? Do you want TJ Friday?

01:25:30.000 And it's true. 0.56

01:25:31.000 You go there, all of our stuff is everywhere.

01:25:34.000 Yeah, those big corporations like Coca-Cola.

01:25:36.000 McDonald's, Subway's, Little Caesars. 0.99

01:25:39.000 I mean, where's the Little fucking Caesars? 0.98

01:25:41.000 It's in Bahrain, dude. 0.98

01:25:43.000 Do you know that...

01:25:47.000 Subway is the biggest chain in the world now.

01:25:49.000 Bigger than McDonald's.

01:25:51.000 Surpassed it, yep.

01:25:52.000 Isn't that incredible?

01:25:53.000 Yeah, man.

01:25:54.000 I mean, people like that fake meat, bro.

01:25:56.000 Is it fake?

01:25:56.000 Oh, yeah.

01:25:57.000 I mean, well, alleged.

01:25:59.000 No, it's real meat.

01:26:00.000 Get out of here.

01:26:01.000 I mean, you can eat it.

01:26:02.000 What's meat?

01:26:03.000 I hear it's processed.

01:26:04.000 Of course it's processed.

01:26:05.000 Yeah.

01:26:06.000 Well, if you want it preserved.

01:26:08.000 I love Subway, by the way.

01:26:09.000 I don't want this to be like an anti-Subway thing.

01:26:11.000 I eat that thing all day, buffalo chicken, until I die.

01:26:14.000 I was in Chichen Itza going to see the Mayan pyramids, and we passed by this huge sign for Coca-Cola, a big billboard in the jungle for Coca-Cola.

01:26:25.000 I was like, this is so weird.

01:26:27.000 Right?

01:26:27.000 Coca-Cola is in the jungle?

01:26:30.000 It's really strange.

01:26:31.000 Well, there was a whole thing that McDonald's had expanded as far as it could expand.

01:26:36.000 You know, like these fast food chains, they make as much money on selling franchises as they do on selling burgers.

01:26:43.000 And the one thing was that they had expanded everywhere they can.

01:26:46.000 They can't expand anywhere else.

01:26:48.000 Yeah.

01:26:49.000 There probably was no more spots where they could be and was viable, but Subway had a new niche.

01:26:53.000 People wanted to get thin like Jared.

01:26:55.000 Yeah.

01:26:55.000 It's just weird because in LA, they open...

01:26:59.000 It's either Chase's, Chipotle's, or Starbucks.

01:27:03.000 Someday they'll open a Chipotle in a Chase bank that's in a Starbucks.

01:27:06.000 There's so many.

01:27:07.000 But the minute I leave LA and I go somewhere, I'm like, where are the Starbucks?

01:27:10.000 You told me that when you were in Afghanistan, they have Man Love Thursday?

01:27:16.000 Man Love Thursdays, dude.

01:27:17.000 Is that real?

01:27:18.000 Yes.

01:27:19.000 You saw it? 0.98

01:27:20.000 Well, I didn't watch guys go buttfuck in the mountains. 0.98

01:27:23.000 No, I didn't.

01:27:24.000 But people told you about it? 1.00

01:27:25.000 Instagram that shit. 1.00

01:27:26.000 Did people tell you about it? 1.00

01:27:27.000 Oh yeah, ask anybody who's on tour, who was on duty in Afghanistan, ask them about Man Love Thursdays.

01:27:34.000 They'd be like, hey, how'd you know about that?

01:27:36.000 It's only Thursdays though? 0.99

01:27:37.000 I guess Thursdays, but fucking Thursdays. 0.99

01:27:39.000 So what does that mean? 1.00

01:27:40.000 Thursday, everyone's allowed to be gay? 0.93

01:27:42.000 No, they don't see it as gay.

01:27:44.000 They see it as like, they see women are for procreation, men are for fun.

01:27:49.000 Is that really true?

01:27:51.000 According to what I was told over there. 0.97

01:27:54.000 And you can go into the mountains, and they buttfuck each other. 1.00

01:27:58.000 And they're dirty, too. 1.00

01:28:00.000 I mean, just the idea of buttfucking. 1.00

01:28:02.000 That was a harsh dirty. 0.98

01:28:03.000 Dude, I mean, they tried to build these things for the pedestrians to walk up over the road like a walkover.

01:28:13.000 They would just go in there and take dumps and then leave.

01:28:15.000 They didn't even use it as a walkover like they do in Vegas, you know, when you're walking in.

01:28:20.000 Las Vegas Boulevard, they have those pedestrian walkovers.

01:28:22.000 There's an article about it online. 0.99

01:28:24.000 It says, Afghanistan's male soldiers are having sex with other guys, but don't call them homos. 0.92

01:28:29.000 Well, there was also something where, like, they were, like, their soldiers, they would have a young boy who would have to service everybody. 0.98

01:28:38.000 Check this.

01:28:38.000 And they had to tell the soldiers, don't get upset about that.

01:28:41.000 What?

01:28:42.000 Yeah.

01:28:43.000 Don't get involved.

01:28:43.000 That's their custom.

01:28:45.000 Whoa! 0.71

01:28:46.000 Well, we know their custom is that the young girl that died, she was sold away to marriage.

01:28:51.000 She was eight years old. 0.97

01:28:52.000 She died after having sex with the guy. 0.95

01:28:55.000 Let's listen to this. 0.99

01:28:56.000 Afghanistan's... 0.99

01:28:57.000 The article is in Queerty, free of an agenda, except that gay one. 0.93

01:29:04.000 Queerty.com.

01:29:06.000 Instead of QWERTY, Queerty. 1.00

01:29:07.000 How excited were they when they got that domain name?

01:29:10.000 That's funny.

01:29:10.000 We got it.

01:29:11.000 I love the title, too.

01:29:13.000 Can I use the restroom while you read this?

01:29:14.000 Yeah, yeah, go ahead.

01:29:16.000 And it's talking about... 1.00

01:29:18.000 It says, Afghanistan's male soldiers have sex with other guys, but don't call them homos. 0.99

01:29:23.000 And it says... 0.99

01:29:46.000 It's really interesting.

01:29:48.000 You need only watch the CNN clip below where three gay American troops speak of the need to repeal Don't Ask, Don't Tell, which has been repealed now, I believe, to understand the difficulties of being gay in the U.S. Armed Forces.

01:30:01.000 Let's see how old this article is.

01:30:04.000 Man Love Thursdays has its own post on Urban Dictionary.

01:30:07.000 It's the article.

01:30:08.000 It doesn't say where it's from here, unfortunately.

01:30:12.000 It doesn't say what year.

01:30:14.000 So, it's before Don't Ask, Don't Tell was repealed.

01:30:18.000 So, I don't know.

01:30:19.000 Repealed, rather. 0.99

01:30:21.000 For these Afghan soldiers, however, having sex regularly with other men is no big deal. 0.99

01:30:25.000 Just don't call them gay. 0.87

01:30:26.000 An unclassified study from a military research unit in southern Afghanistan...

01:30:31.000 That's a funny statement.

01:30:33.000 An unclassified study from a military research unit in southern Afghanistan that's looking into gay sex details how homosexual behavior is unusually common among men in the large ethnic group known as Pashtuns,

01:30:50.000 P-A-S-H-T-U-Ns, Pashtuns, although they seem to be in complete denial about it. 1.00

01:30:58.000 What's a new unclassified study of Pashtun meant?

01:31:00.000 Oh, that's what the new unclassified study revealed. 0.54

01:31:04.000 These men admire other men physically, have sexual relationships with boys, and shun women both socially and sexually, yet they completely reject the label of homosexual.

01:31:17.000 The research was conducted as part of a long-standing effort to better understand Afghan culture and improve Western interaction with the local people. 1.00

01:31:25.000 When you read shit like that, and you read that people are dying over there, and you think the idea that they're going to try to change this, you think about what they do when they marry off 8-year-old girls, cut women's noses off, they do this kind of shit, pretend they're not gay while they're fucking each other, 1.00

01:31:41.000 and be homophobic at the same time. 1.00

01:31:43.000 It's... 0.74

01:31:45.000 Absolute madness.

01:31:46.000 It's reality your way right away.

01:31:49.000 It's like custom-made reality.

01:31:51.000 This is what they do.

01:31:52.000 This is how they figure out their way around it. 0.73

01:31:54.000 The Pashtun men interpret the Islamic prohibition on homosexuality to mean they cannot love another man, but it doesn't mean they can't use men for sexual gratification. 0.93

01:32:06.000 What an interesting little gray area they found. 0.79

01:32:09.000 Yeah, there's a little fine print right there. 1.00

01:32:11.000 It's sort of like prostitution is illegal, but if a girl is naked at a strip club and she rides your dick and you cum in your pants, that's all good. 1.00

01:32:20.000 If prostitution is illegal, but if I buy you dinner and then we have sex, I spend the same amount of money on the date, and then I have sex with you, it's perfectly legal. 0.99

01:32:30.000 Or pay their housing or something along those lines and just keep them on the payroll.

01:32:38.000 Kathleen Madigan was here, and she lives in this certain part of Hollywood where they have all these really nice bungalows, really cool small houses.

01:32:46.000 And she was like, that's where the studio heads used to keep their mistresses. 1.00

01:32:49.000 They used to put them up in these houses.

01:32:51.000 It was so common that there was a whole neighborhood of mistresses. 1.00

01:32:54.000 That's hilarious.

01:32:55.000 Stop and think about that.

01:32:57.000 I mean, if prostitution is illegal, what's going on there?

01:32:59.000 Well, there's that whole website, sugardaddy.com, where a lot of young female ladies from Hollywood are on, and it's guys with money looking for companionship. 1.00

01:33:12.000 It's a good place to get poisoned.

01:33:14.000 What do you mean? 0.87

01:33:15.000 If I was a chick that was looking to steal a guy's money and poison him, that's where I'd look. 0.99

01:33:20.000 Gotta find your sugar daddy the old-fashioned way. 0.82

01:33:22.000 Getting a sugar daddy on the internet.

01:33:24.000 Jesus Christ.

01:33:25.000 Whatever happened to old-fashioned interaction?

01:33:28.000 Two people looking at each other.

01:33:29.000 Two people looking at each other in the eyes.

01:33:31.000 Getting to know each other.

01:33:32.000 Having an understanding.

01:33:33.000 Person to person.

01:33:34.000 It's really primal now.

01:33:35.000 Either you're pretty or you're not.

01:33:37.000 Not just looking online, not just being some creepy old dude with a credit card going, well, I'm willing to set away.

01:33:43.000 I will buy your rent as long as it's less than $2,000 a month.

01:33:46.000 Right?

01:33:47.000 I don't have time for a woman in my life. 1.00

01:33:49.000 I'm 73 years old. 1.00

01:33:50.000 I like my balls licked. 0.99

01:33:52.000 Well, when I was in Diego Garcia, which is this small island in the middle of nowhere. 0.99

01:34:00.000 Wait a minute.

01:34:01.000 It's a military island.

01:34:02.000 There's an island named Diego Garcia?

01:34:04.000 And they don't know who that dude is. 0.97

01:34:05.000 That's ridiculous. 0.94

01:34:06.000 Did they just run out of names? 0.89

01:34:08.000 No, when they got there, that's the name of the island.

01:34:12.000 Who named it?

01:34:13.000 Whoever was there before them.

01:34:15.000 It was some Portuguese explorer who just randomly found this island.

01:34:20.000 That's hilarious. 1.00

01:34:21.000 What a dickhead. 1.00

01:34:22.000 He named it after himself. 1.00

01:34:23.000 Well, I guess, isn't that the idea of America?

01:34:25.000 Amerigo Vespucci?

01:34:27.000 Yeah.

01:34:27.000 I mean, I don't know that.

01:34:29.000 I don't know anything about that.

01:34:31.000 There's a Snopes thing on that.

01:34:32.000 I should probably look that up.

01:34:33.000 America Snopes.

01:34:34.000 America.

01:34:36.000 Can I think that's one of those things that's not true, but everybody always says it?

01:34:41.000 Like, um...

01:34:44.000 Like, one of them is that they used to burn witches.

01:34:47.000 Did you know they didn't really used to burn witches? 0.87

01:34:48.000 They didn't burn witches? 1.00

01:34:49.000 No.

01:34:50.000 They didn't burn witches, man.

01:34:51.000 What'd they do? 0.98

01:34:52.000 They used to hang them.

01:34:53.000 Jesus.

01:34:54.000 The burning of the witch thing is like this really common thing that's in our heads that they used to do. 0.81

01:34:59.000 Apparently, the only time they did it on a regular basis was religious times during Europe.

01:35:11.000 During, like, I think, like, during the Martin Luther time, I think they did a lot of burning. 0.79

01:35:16.000 They burned people who didn't believe.

01:35:18.000 Or just were different.

01:35:20.000 Or if you didn't like somebody, you could just call them a witch, and then they had to prove they're not a witch.

01:35:25.000 Yeah.

01:35:26.000 Which is completely random.

01:35:28.000 Yeah, that's hilarious that you would have to prove that you're not a witch.

01:35:31.000 Like, didn't they do stuff where it's like, if you...

01:35:34.000 Like, there's no way to prove you weren't a witch. 0.95

01:35:36.000 It's like they dunk you in water, and if you lived, you were a witch. 0.72

01:35:39.000 If you died, you weren't a witch. 0.98

01:35:40.000 So it's like, you're damned if you do, you're damned if you don't. 0.98

01:35:44.000 America Vespucci. 0.86

01:35:46.000 America.

01:35:50.000 God, I need to get out in the sun.

01:35:51.000 I keep looking at this, man.

01:35:53.000 I need sunlight.

01:35:54.000 Look at this.

01:35:54.000 You look beautiful.

01:35:55.000 Fat vampire. 1.00

01:35:56.000 Look at this. 1.00

01:35:57.000 Just lose some weight.

01:35:58.000 Oh, come on, man.

01:35:59.000 You said it first.

01:36:00.000 I'm a human being. 1.00

01:36:01.000 The fuck? 1.00

01:36:01.000 You said it first. 1.00

01:36:02.000 I have feelings. 1.00

01:36:03.000 Um, Snopes.com, slow as fuck. 1.00

01:36:07.000 Slopes.com, slow as fuck. 1.00

01:36:09.000 Shitty ass website. 1.00

01:36:11.000 For all your shitty ass information you need, it's Slopes.com. 1.00

01:36:14.000 Okay, apparently this is another story. 0.99

01:36:16.000 Oh god, this is too confusing.

01:36:18.000 I'm not gonna read all this.

01:36:19.000 This is a TLDR. Too long, didn't read.

01:36:23.000 I love that when I see that on posts.

01:36:25.000 Too long, didn't read.

01:36:27.000 You hear they found water on Mars?

01:36:28.000 What?

01:36:29.000 Yeah, water discovered on Mars by the rover.

01:36:33.000 The rover Curiosity.

01:36:34.000 Substantial discovery made after analysis of soil samples from the planet's surface has uncovered water.

01:36:41.000 Isn't that the whole thing about the Behold the Pale Horse? 0.92

01:36:44.000 That they say we're going to go and colonize Mars?

01:36:48.000 Well, I think if people stay alive for the next thousand years, we will. 0.99

01:36:52.000 I think it's going to take a long fucking time. 1.00

01:36:55.000 And some crazy motherfucker is going to have to go over there first. 1.00

01:36:58.000 There's going to be some people that will go over there and it's a goddamn one-way trip, man. 1.00

01:37:02.000 You're never coming back. 0.97

01:37:03.000 You're going to go over there once and that's it.

01:37:05.000 That's where you live now.

01:37:06.000 Are you ready?

01:37:07.000 Go.

01:37:07.000 And if that doesn't work or you run out of air, you're going to suffocate via satellite and we're going to get to watch it all on our phones.

01:37:13.000 And that will be on LiveLeak.com.

01:37:15.000 Oh, quickly.

01:37:16.000 It'll be live streaming.

01:37:17.000 The guy will die on TV just like the Challenger accident.

01:37:19.000 I mean, there's no way you're going to be able to stop it.

01:37:22.000 The odds of them being able to get all the way to Mars and not a couple of people not make it, that's crazy.

01:37:28.000 Well, dude, when they build a Las Vegas hotel, casino, they average in three people dying.

01:37:34.000 Do they really?

01:37:34.000 Yeah, they assume three people are going to die along the way of building this hotel.

01:37:38.000 That's because those three people didn't know how to keep their fucking mouth shut. 1.00

01:37:41.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:37:41.000 I mean, I'm sure they take care of a couple people. 1.00

01:37:44.000 I'm sure like the building high rises, someone slips, falls, calls it a day.

01:37:48.000 So I can't imagine how many people are going to lose on the way to Mars.

01:37:51.000 Well, I think I really like the idea of sending robots. 0.99

01:37:55.000 You know, the way they're doing it, like with this curiosity, they can learn a lot of shit. 0.99

01:37:59.000 They can do analytics on soil. 0.99

01:38:02.000 They can send back photographs and information.

01:38:04.000 They can do a lot of things without risking people's lives.

01:38:07.000 But as long as there's human beings, there's going to be the one person that wants to be the first guy that lands on Mars.

01:38:12.000 He wants to be the Neil Armstrong of Mars.

01:38:14.000 There's always going to be one of those guys.

01:38:16.000 There's always somebody, yeah, who wants to be the explorer.

01:38:19.000 Sometimes, man, you get lost in the whole...

01:38:21.000 I would have to say that I think if they're going to do that, the first thing they would probably do is try that out on the moon.

01:38:27.000 Try some terraforming.

01:38:29.000 Go over there, try to build some sort of structure.

01:38:32.000 They've even figured out how to make walls using the sand and the dirt of the moon in a 3D printer.

01:38:41.000 They've figured out a way to bond this.

01:38:43.000 Have you seen that, Jamie?

01:38:44.000 There's photos of it.

01:38:44.000 Yeah, a 3D printer used to build base on the moon.

01:38:48.000 Yeah, they've devised this 3D printer.

01:38:51.000 That they think they can transport printer to build base of the moon.

01:38:56.000 Didn't they want to send a married couple into space? 1.00

01:38:59.000 Of course.

01:38:59.000 And then halfway there, she gives up.

01:39:01.000 She doesn't want to have sex with them anymore. 1.00

01:39:04.000 She disappears? 1.00

01:39:05.000 He goes on Melissa Gorga on him.

01:39:07.000 And then he winds up taking her.

01:39:10.000 Just like that guy in the book. 1.00

01:39:12.000 Guy gave him some shit advice. 0.99

01:39:13.000 Real Housewives of New Jersey. 1.00

01:39:15.000 He rapes her on TV. Yeah, building a lunar base with 3D printing. 0.98

01:39:22.000 This is what they're planning on doing.

01:39:24.000 There's actually an animated thing.

01:39:28.000 We can see the rover move.

01:39:32.000 But look at these photos.

01:39:33.000 This plan.

01:39:35.000 See that photo?

01:39:36.000 The honeycomb.

01:39:38.000 The 3D printer is going to be able to make these walls that are essentially just some compound that's created with The soil.

01:39:53.000 Wow!

01:39:54.000 Yeah.

01:39:55.000 That right there, that photograph is a 1.5 ton building block that was produced as a demonstration of the 3D printing techniques using simulated lunar soil.

01:40:05.000 So they did it with something that would be like, you know, similar in consistency.

01:40:08.000 And the design is based on a hollow closed cell structure reminiscent of bird bones to give a good combination of strength and weight.

01:40:16.000 So they would fly this printer up there and then just start building these walls With this printer out of the lunar soil.

01:40:24.000 Man, my printer always jams.

01:40:26.000 That'd suck if you were up there and your printer jams. 1.00

01:40:31.000 Yeah, Epson sent you some new shit. 0.99

01:40:33.000 Can you send me some? 0.99

01:40:34.000 Yeah.

01:40:35.000 Can we get some IT up here?

01:40:36.000 Yeah, I need to clean my heads or something.

01:40:38.000 I'm out of blue ink. 0.98

01:40:40.000 Well, the idea is that they know that they can fly shit up there that can do this. 0.89

01:40:47.000 So they could actually send some sort of rover type robotic thing up there with these printers and build these houses before we even get there. 0.99

01:40:58.000 They just flew, I think it was an F-16, they flew it as a drone.

01:41:04.000 They successfully flew it and landed it and they achieved supersonic speeds all done completely as a drone.

01:41:12.000 Where did it land?

01:41:13.000 At Air Force Base.

01:41:15.000 Wow.

01:41:15.000 Yeah, they just did this.

01:41:17.000 Here, I'll pull this up.

01:41:18.000 When do the robots take over? 0.77

01:41:19.000 Well, it's getting close.

01:41:20.000 That's my point.

01:41:23.000 What about combining with robots? 0.99

01:41:25.000 I'm going to miss all the cool shit. 0.99

01:41:27.000 I'm born too early or too late? 1.00

01:41:29.000 No, no, no.

01:41:29.000 You're going to be fine.

01:41:30.000 F-16 drone.

01:41:31.000 Yeah.

01:41:32.000 An F-16, man.

01:41:33.000 There's a video of it, too.

01:41:35.000 Pull it up, dude.

01:41:35.000 F-16 drone fighter jet flies without pilot.

01:41:39.000 It's fucking incredible, man. 0.97

01:41:40.000 My point is, if they can do this, they can also get... 0.98

01:41:44.000 I mean, they can get the rover to land on the moon.

01:41:47.000 They can also...

01:41:48.000 Or on Mars.

01:41:49.000 They can also get one to land on the moon.

01:41:50.000 They can get something more complex now because the rover's a few years old now.

01:41:55.000 And, you know, who knows what they're going to have 10 years from now.

01:41:58.000 They're going to have, like, look at this. 0.99

01:41:59.000 This is a fucking jet flying with no one in it. 0.99

01:42:03.000 They're doing it all completely remote. 1.00

01:42:07.000 Is that good or bad for us?

01:42:09.000 Not good.

01:42:10.000 Right?

01:42:11.000 Not good.

01:42:11.000 I'm just...

01:42:12.000 Dude.

01:42:13.000 That's bad for humans.

01:42:14.000 It's bad for mankind.

01:42:16.000 Well, these things are going to start thinking. 1.00

01:42:17.000 I mean, right now it's just stupid. 1.00

01:42:19.000 But one day they're going to make one that's really fucking smart. 0.99

01:42:22.000 And it's going to be like the Cars cartoon where they talk to each other. 0.98

01:42:25.000 I don't want to bomb Iraq. 1.00

01:42:27.000 Do you want to bomb Iraq? 1.00

01:42:28.000 Let's fucking bomb DC. This ends bad for mankind. 1.00

01:42:31.000 I mean, do these guys watch sci-fi flicks?

01:42:33.000 How do you call yourself a test pilot if you're on the ground?

01:42:37.000 The guy says test pilot.

01:42:39.000 This is why I became an engineer.

01:42:41.000 This program is, to me, the epitome of my career.

01:42:43.000 This is what it was all about.

01:42:45.000 I mean, to be able to take this airplane.

01:42:47.000 Enslaving mankind.

01:42:49.000 Yeah, our robot overlords.

01:42:50.000 That's what it's all about.

01:42:52.000 Yeah.

01:42:53.000 You know, when the opening sequence of the Terminator movie, the first one, where the Terminators are walking around, you see them stepping on skulls and stuff, and you see those giant flying robots, like that's drones, man!

01:43:05.000 Yeah, 100%.

01:43:06.000 It's real.

01:43:07.000 It's all coming.

01:43:08.000 I mean, whether or not they're actually going to be against humanity.

01:43:11.000 My feeling is, robots, unless we program them to have survival instincts, won't.

01:43:17.000 So they won't see us as a threat.

01:43:19.000 I don't think they'll have any biological instincts at all.

01:43:22.000 The need to survive, the need to stay on or be on or off.

01:43:25.000 I don't think, unless we program them with those ideas, they're not going to have those ideas naturally.

01:43:31.000 I don't think those are natural ideas.

01:43:32.000 I think those ideas have been sort of like, they've grown inside the human animal from a long, long time. 0.85

01:43:39.000 Life on this planet in various forms, from single-cell to multi-cell to mammal to, you know, ape to whatever the fuck we are now. 0.85

01:43:48.000 It's a long-ass process. 0.99

01:43:50.000 How long till chicks start banging robots and then we got to compete with robots? 1.00

01:43:53.000 Real quick.

01:43:54.000 They're already banging robots. 1.00

01:43:55.000 They already have like Sibians and dildos and men just got the fleshlight really recently. 1.00

01:44:00.000 Yeah.

01:44:01.000 And the fleshlight is totally manual.

01:44:03.000 You got to grab it, stick in it.

01:44:05.000 You got to do it all yourself. 1.00

01:44:07.000 Women have things that fuck them. 1.00

01:44:09.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:44:10.000 They have things that will fuck them. 0.99

01:44:11.000 They have vibrators now in CVS. Women can buy vibrators and put it on and drive home. 1.00

01:44:17.000 Yeah, they have those back massagers things.

01:44:20.000 Big round rubber ball back massager things.

01:44:23.000 Just robots beating the bean, doing nothing, chilling out.

01:44:26.000 It's going to happen.

01:44:27.000 There's no way you're going to be able to stop that.

01:44:29.000 You're going to come home and your girlfriend's getting shagged by a transformer. 1.00

01:44:31.000 You're fucked. 1.00

01:44:32.000 Yeah, if robots are created by women, that's when we're going to be really fucked. 1.00

01:44:36.000 Because they're going to make robots that are exactly the way they want a man. 1.00

01:44:40.000 Just sensitive with big dicks? 1.00

01:44:42.000 Just weak bitches. 1.00

01:44:43.000 Just weak bitches that listen to them. 1.00

01:44:46.000 Skinny jeans? 1.00

01:44:47.000 I mean, if you could allow really angry feminists to program robots to be a male robot to be anything they want it to be, how would those guys be? 1.00

01:44:56.000 Would they be really sensitive and just fun to be around and really nice?

01:45:00.000 Or...

01:45:00.000 Would they just be slaves?

01:45:03.000 Meek. 0.83

01:45:03.000 Meek, little, emo, pale. 0.83

01:45:06.000 Alt comics.

01:45:09.000 Guys that just stand there in front of the microphone and don't even move.

01:45:14.000 Mentally, easily, the push around.

01:45:16.000 Alt comics.

01:45:18.000 Male feminist comics.

01:45:21.000 The male feminist.

01:45:23.000 I don't know why.

01:45:24.000 It's everywhere.

01:45:26.000 It's what you said earlier.

01:45:27.000 People don't want to catch up.

01:45:29.000 They just want to stay lazy, and they want everybody else to slow down, too.

01:45:32.000 Yeah.

01:45:34.000 It's dumbing the masses. 0.98

01:45:35.000 It's not even dumb. 0.99

01:45:37.000 A lot of alt people aren't dumb. 0.96

01:45:38.000 They're very smart. 0.97

01:45:39.000 No, they're very smart. 0.94

01:45:39.000 They're just weak. 0.94

01:45:40.000 I think sometimes clever is more important than funny, sometimes.

01:45:44.000 Well, they're trying to play to the back of the room a lot.

01:45:47.000 There's a lot of that, you know?

01:45:48.000 I think you see that a lot.

01:45:49.000 Like, oh, I watch them and be like, wow, that's clever.

01:45:52.000 But I'm not necessarily going...

01:45:54.000 Ha ha ha ha ha out loud.

01:45:56.000 Well, we had Matt Fultron in here and he was talking about how that kind of like fucked him up in his career because he used to write for the back of the room and he wasn't writing for the crowd. 0.98

01:46:05.000 And then he realized once he started going on the road like, oh, I fucked up.

01:46:09.000 Like I'm writing for a bunch of people that are like cynical and they've heard every joke in the book and they don't really want to see comedy anymore. 0.91

01:46:15.000 They want to see something unexpected.

01:46:18.000 Yeah.

01:46:18.000 Animal attack.

01:46:19.000 They want to see something unexpected.

01:46:21.000 They want to see something that's not really stand-up comedy.

01:46:24.000 They want it to be ironic. 0.99

01:46:25.000 But when you pay money to go on the road and you're in Buffalo and you've got to do stand-up at a comedy club, that ironic shit ain't going to fly. 0.99

01:46:32.000 Nope. 0.99

01:46:32.000 And so he was saying that he found that. 0.99

01:46:34.000 But I was like, oh, I was writing jokes for comedians.

01:46:36.000 I wasn't even writing for humans.

01:46:38.000 Well, it gets interesting when you do every level of comedy.

01:46:41.000 Like, open mics, you're playing the comedian, so you kind of got to learn.

01:46:45.000 That was a big thing for me, because the first five years I did stand-up comedy, I just played bars.

01:46:51.000 I mean, just, like, roadhouse bars.

01:46:54.000 Did you start in Vegas?

01:46:56.000 Yeah, just this crazy bar.

01:46:58.000 I couldn't, at that time they weren't letting locals play the comedy clubs because they could just fly out comics from LA. So we had to make our own scene and I would just find crazy bar gigs.

01:47:10.000 Like anywhere I could perform, like we would go in between bands.

01:47:15.000 You'd have hard metal bands playing, bring out the comedians, and I would have to go out and just deal with all the hecklers, shut them up, and then bring the other comedians on.

01:47:25.000 We would take any kind of gig like that.

01:47:27.000 When you started, what year was it?

01:47:31.000 I've been doing it for like 16 years, so like 90...

01:47:35.000 96?

01:47:37.000 97?

01:47:38.000 So, 96, 97. What was the scene like in Vegas?

01:47:41.000 How did you start out?

01:47:43.000 Dead.

01:47:43.000 How would you start out?

01:47:45.000 When I started, there was one open mic every other week in the entire city.

01:47:50.000 There was nothing.

01:47:51.000 Nobody had been doing it.

01:47:54.000 And I was like, I gotta get up.

01:47:56.000 So I just decided to create my own comedy gigs.

01:47:59.000 And what I would do is I would just, every night, I would find a dead bar.

01:48:03.000 I'm like, your bar's dead.

01:48:04.000 Let me have the night.

01:48:05.000 And I'll get it going.

01:48:06.000 And I would create an open mic in which I would host.

01:48:09.000 And I would get the crowd going, deal with the hecklers, bring up the comedians.

01:48:13.000 And then I had my own improv troupe, which we started, and we got into all the station casinos.

01:48:20.000 So I had open mics going one place, my improv troupe performing another place, and that's just how I performed forever.

01:48:27.000 That's very smart, man.

01:48:29.000 That's very genius of you.

01:48:31.000 It's kind of how I am right now.

01:48:33.000 I have a certain style of comedy I like to do, so I create my own environment in which to do it at, which is the naughty show or the comedy rap battles and stuff like that.

01:48:46.000 That's what I enjoy doing, so I create a brand.

01:48:49.000 That's very smart of you, though.

01:48:50.000 It shows a lot of get up and go.

01:48:52.000 You go, alright, you know what?

01:48:53.000 Someone's got to do this. 1.00

01:48:54.000 Let me put this shit together. 0.99

01:48:55.000 I wish I could play a little more ball, too. 0.99

01:48:57.000 I'm so focused on creating my own things.

01:48:59.000 I'd like to do just the normal stuff, too.

01:49:01.000 But I really enjoy these shows.

01:49:04.000 It's what I enjoy doing.

01:49:05.000 That's why I'm very passionate about them.

01:49:06.000 There's nothing wrong with that.

01:49:07.000 What I'm saying is it showed a lot of get up and go on your part to like start these nights and put these things together and have comedy shows where there was nothing else there going on.

01:49:17.000 A lot of other people go, ah, I can't do it in this city.

01:49:19.000 You know, that was a very ingenious sort of a way of workaround, you know?

01:49:23.000 Very industrious of you, like... 1.00

01:49:25.000 So there's a way around this, bitch. 1.00

01:49:26.000 Yeah, I go, if no one will book me and there's no shows, I gotta make my own shows. 0.98

01:49:29.000 I was just, you know, it's very blessed that growing up, we didn't physically fight with each other, we just racked each other.

01:49:36.000 We were like verbally vicious.

01:49:38.000 All my buddies in high school.

01:49:40.000 All of them were like victims of divorce.

01:49:43.000 They were kind of hurt children in a weird way.

01:49:47.000 They had a weird family.

01:49:49.000 They came from loving parents, but the parents were divorced.

01:49:52.000 It affected them.

01:49:52.000 They were kind of like hurt children.

01:49:54.000 So we were vicious with each other.

01:49:56.000 I remember moments where we'd go to a local pizzeria, Pontillo's, and Whoever got sat in the wrong seat, you were going to get pounded on all night by everybody, and they wouldn't let you up from the booth, and you would just get vicious.

01:50:09.000 I just learned to not take it personal and just hit back.

01:50:13.000 To this day, that's really helped me with hecklers.

01:50:16.000 I don't really think.

01:50:17.000 I just react now.

01:50:19.000 I had always had something like that.

01:50:22.000 It was just where I came from.

01:50:23.000 Do you find, though, that when you're dealing with an actual polite crowd that wants to hear material, they're like, hey, how come no one's throwing anything at me?

01:50:30.000 It is weird.

01:50:31.000 I have to learn to tell them how much I like them, too.

01:50:34.000 That was my transition.

01:50:36.000 I had a problem with that when I went from bars to do nicer clubs.

01:50:40.000 Comedy clubs.

01:50:40.000 It's a different transition.

01:50:42.000 I was ready.

01:50:43.000 I was used to combat comedy.

01:50:47.000 I didn't do what you did.

01:50:49.000 I never created my own thing.

01:50:51.000 But I did a lot of bars.

01:50:52.000 We did a lot of bars.

01:50:53.000 But they were already created for me.

01:50:55.000 I got super lucky.

01:50:56.000 I came along.

01:50:57.000 In Boston in the 80s, there was so much work in town that you never had to leave.

01:51:02.000 You could be a full-time professional comedian and work from one to two and a half, three hours drive at the most for gigs.

01:51:10.000 And you would work almost every weekend, every day.

01:51:12.000 I mean, you could do whatever you wanted.

01:51:13.000 There was so much work.

01:51:14.000 During the weekdays, mostly free stuff, where you would take your time and get tight.

01:51:20.000 But then on the weekends, and a lot of weekday gigs...

01:51:23.000 There's just, you know, drive to New Hampshire, drive to Western Massachusetts, drive to Maine, drive to Attleboro, drive to Marlboro, drive to here, and you got used to these really fucking terrible places, standing on top of milk crates, and nobody's paying attention,

01:51:39.000 and the hockey game's on.

01:51:40.000 I went to Montreal...

01:51:42.000 Before I ever played a real...

01:51:45.000 Before I was a regular at any comedy club.

01:51:49.000 When you say Montreal, you mean the festival?

01:51:51.000 I just came to LA and I was just a ball of fire and I got picked up and they brought me to Montreal.

01:51:58.000 I didn't even know what it was at the time.

01:52:00.000 The only time I'd ever played at a club was about a year before I'd opened for Nick DiPaolo at the Riviera, which was booked by the guy who eventually went on to be on The Sopranos.

01:52:15.000 Steve Sharippa played Bobby.

01:52:17.000 Yeah.

01:52:17.000 The big guy.

01:52:18.000 So that was the first time I'd ever played at a comedy club.

01:52:20.000 I never really played.

01:52:21.000 Great guy.

01:52:22.000 Steve Sharippa's awesome.

01:52:23.000 You know, man, once in a while I rub people the wrong way.

01:52:25.000 I don't know why.

01:52:26.000 Just people in authority, I make them nervous.

01:52:28.000 But there are certain people that were notorious for being prickly that were always really, really nice to me.

01:52:35.000 Like Dan Murr in Tempe Improv.

01:52:37.000 You'd always hear these crazy stories about him.

01:52:39.000 But he was the nicest dude to me.

01:52:41.000 I was so thankful for it.

01:52:42.000 And Steve Scharippa was the same way.

01:52:44.000 Like this guy who was a notorious thorny dude. 0.99

01:52:46.000 Nice dude but could bust some balls. 0.98

01:52:49.000 Always really nice to me. 0.99

01:52:50.000 Sharipa is just fair. 0.82

01:52:51.000 If you were a douche, he would just call you on it.

01:52:54.000 That was what it was. 0.99

01:52:55.000 You're not a dickhead. 0.98

01:52:56.000 He's fine with you. 0.96

01:52:57.000 I never had a problem with Sharipa.

01:52:58.000 He's a great guy.

01:52:58.000 He was just really nice to me.

01:53:00.000 Gave me spots.

01:53:01.000 Made me feel like I had a chance in something.

01:53:04.000 I was the first comic to ever get booked twice at his club out of Vegas at the time.

01:53:08.000 And it was just such an amazing feeling.

01:53:10.000 And working with DiPaolo was just like who I'd always looked up to.

01:53:14.000 It was great because I was performing with him.

01:53:17.000 And he was having a fight with his girlfriend at the time.

01:53:19.000 I mean, a full-on brawl.

01:53:21.000 Before he got on stage, they'd be screaming at each other, go up and perform, get off stage, tell me what a great job I did, and then go back to arguing with his girlfriend.

01:53:30.000 I gotta get him on.

01:53:32.000 He's got something coming up.

01:53:34.000 We've actually been going back and forth with email.

01:53:36.000 Whenever he's in LA again, we'll definitely have one.

01:53:39.000 One of the funniest dudes, man.

01:53:40.000 Had some of the funniest jokes I've ever heard. 0.92

01:53:43.000 What the fuck happened with him and Artie Lang? 0.96

01:53:45.000 Do you know what happened there? 1.00

01:53:46.000 No, I was just told that he wanted to talk more sports and Artie wanted to just shoot the shit. 0.99

01:53:51.000 Really? 1.00

01:53:52.000 That's all I heard.

01:53:53.000 That doesn't seem right.

01:53:54.000 Seems like Artie loves talking sports, too.

01:53:57.000 I have a really great sports podcast, too, called Punch Drunk Sports.

01:54:02.000 You don't like my sports podcast?

01:54:03.000 Just kidding.

01:54:04.000 You can't say, I have a really great anything.

01:54:06.000 I do.

01:54:06.000 When you say, I have a really great show.

01:54:08.000 I do love it.

01:54:09.000 I love it.

01:54:10.000 I do with Ari and Jason Tebow.

01:54:13.000 People like it.

01:54:14.000 It's a sports podcast, but they like when we talk about anything but sports.

01:54:17.000 It's really weird.

01:54:18.000 People like talking about anything, man. 0.98

01:54:20.000 They like people that talk about shit that's interesting. 0.97

01:54:24.000 If you just had a sports podcast that talked only about sports, it wouldn't be as exciting as a sports podcast that mostly talked about sports. 0.99

01:54:30.000 Right. 0.56

01:54:31.000 But if some other shit came up and it was interesting and you go, ah, we can't talk about that, that's the beautiful thing about having a podcast. 0.98

01:54:37.000 Nobody can tell you that. 0.99

01:54:38.000 You can do whatever the fuck you want whenever you want to do it. 0.99

01:54:40.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:54:40.000 I love it. 0.99

01:54:41.000 I love the uncensoredness of a podcast.

01:54:43.000 I love it.

01:54:44.000 I love podcasting.

01:54:45.000 I love podcasting almost as much as I love doing stand-up.

01:54:48.000 And I love doing stand-up.

01:54:50.000 Yeah.

01:54:50.000 But I love talking.

01:54:52.000 Yeah.

01:54:54.000 I'm with you, 100%.

01:54:55.000 I agree with you.

01:54:56.000 I like just saying my opinion.

01:54:57.000 I have opinions.

01:54:59.000 And some people get really mad at me.

01:55:00.000 They get so angry that I don't share their opinion.

01:55:04.000 But it's just like, I'm just talking.

01:55:07.000 That's always going to be the case, man.

01:55:08.000 There's always going to be a bunch of people that get pretty pissed off.

01:55:10.000 They do.

01:55:11.000 They get angry with me.

01:55:12.000 People are real rigid in their ideas, man. 0.89

01:55:13.000 They wish me death.

01:55:15.000 People are rigid in their ideas, Sam Tripoli.

01:55:17.000 I'm just in the middle of nowhere.

01:55:18.000 I don't agree with you.

01:55:20.000 The things they say to me...

01:55:22.000 Climate change is not real.

01:55:23.000 Right?

01:55:24.000 It's just the things they say to me... 1.00

01:55:25.000 You fucking moron! 1.00

01:55:26.000 They're so vicious. 1.00

01:55:27.000 I think a lot of times they just want you to respond.

01:55:29.000 That's exactly what they want.

01:55:31.000 But I would never...

01:55:33.000 Back when I was growing up and I met somebody famous, I would never be vicious to them like that.

01:55:39.000 Can you even imagine, though, what it's like growing up in this age? 0.99

01:55:42.000 Where anybody you like, you just reach out and tell them they're a cunt? 0.99

01:55:46.000 Well, it makes nobody famous. 0.99

01:55:48.000 There's nothing...

01:55:50.000 No, that's not true.

01:55:51.000 It certainly makes other people talk about a lot.

01:55:54.000 If you're Puff Daddy, you're famous no matter what era you live in.

01:55:57.000 The difference is you're no longer beyond reproach. 1.00

01:55:59.000 Somebody can get a hold of you and go, your fucking album sucked, a big fat fucking pile of shit, fuck you, you queer. 1.00

01:56:05.000 You can say whatever you want. 1.00

01:56:07.000 I said that about Eminem. 0.98

01:56:08.000 I didn't say he sucked.

01:56:09.000 I watched him on that college football halftime show, and I go, well, it looks like Eminem's back on drugs, so the new album should rock. 0.84

01:56:17.000 I just tweeted that.

01:56:18.000 And dude, every fake Eminem Twitter account just started blasting me.

01:56:23.000 Like five or six of them just started calling me out.

01:56:25.000 And there was just some random...

01:56:27.000 I didn't even hashtag Eminem.

01:56:29.000 And it wasn't even Eminem that said that.

01:56:33.000 It was just random people.

01:56:34.000 Fake Eminems.

01:56:35.000 Eminem fans.

01:56:37.000 Well, you put out a little hate.

01:56:38.000 You got a little hate back.

01:56:38.000 I don't think that was hate.

01:56:39.000 I said it was gonna be a great album.

01:56:43.000 They don't want to think that it's the alcohol or the drugs that fuel the creativity, Sam Tripoli.

01:56:48.000 And I don't think it does either.

01:56:49.000 It comes from the genius.

01:56:51.000 I think it's genius. 0.99

01:56:52.000 You just happened to be fucked up when you came up with the idea. 0.99

01:56:55.000 Well, you've seen the video. 0.99

01:56:56.000 Folks who haven't seen the video, Jamie, pull up just the video of Eminem tripping.

01:57:00.000 So people could say, like, Sam Tripoli wasn't talking out of school. 0.96

01:57:04.000 I mean, he, like, went way out of his way to look really fucked up. 0.98

01:57:09.000 I mean, he was working it. 0.97

01:57:11.000 Are you talking about the...

01:57:12.000 The video of Eminem.

01:57:13.000 The one that you commented on.

01:57:15.000 Yeah.

01:57:15.000 Yeah, that's like the molly is hitting.

01:57:20.000 Well, he leaned forward and everything.

01:57:22.000 Look at him.

01:57:24.000 Like, come on.

01:57:25.000 I've been there.

01:57:26.000 His mouth is wide open, but he's leaning forward, like severely leaning forward.

01:57:31.000 He's rolling his eyes side to side.

01:57:34.000 I've been there.

01:57:35.000 I've been on Shrooms.

01:57:36.000 I've had that moment where I'm like, is this real life?

01:57:39.000 Is this his video they're playing?

01:57:43.000 They probably played a cut for it.

01:57:46.000 He was joking around.

01:57:49.000 Obviously joking around a lot.

01:57:52.000 Uh, maybe.

01:57:54.000 I don't even care.

01:57:55.000 I'm not judging.

01:57:56.000 He's barely paying attention. 1.00

01:57:57.000 Some old dude with a fucking suit on. 1.00

01:57:59.000 Brett Musburger, who's great. 1.00

01:58:01.000 He's just like one of those old guys who just doesn't give a shit. 1.00

01:58:04.000 One of those old football guys. 1.00

01:58:07.000 Yeah, now he's done.

01:58:08.000 He's done now.

01:58:09.000 Now he's back to normal.

01:58:10.000 Yeah, man.

01:58:10.000 You put some hate out there, Sam Tripoli.

01:58:12.000 You got it back.

01:58:12.000 You say it's hate.

01:58:13.000 I say it's love.

01:58:14.000 Okay.

01:58:15.000 I ain't judging.

01:58:16.000 Who am I to judge?

01:58:18.000 I've done my party in my day.

01:58:19.000 Well, the point is that there's a lot of hate out there online.

01:58:23.000 Well, there's a lot of emotional reaction to the hate.

01:58:25.000 People want you to think their way.

01:58:27.000 They want you to like what they like.

01:58:28.000 They don't digest.

01:58:29.000 They just see a word and they just react to it.

01:58:32.000 You see Adam Levine and Lady Gaga got into a little Twitter beef.

01:58:37.000 And Lady Gaga owned him.

01:58:39.000 Really?

01:58:39.000 With one line.

01:58:41.000 Because Adam Levine was, like, criticizing some of her work.

01:58:45.000 Like, you know, hey, I'm proud.

01:58:46.000 He was like, I'm proud to do pop music, but this is blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

01:58:49.000 And so, you know, something about art.

01:58:51.000 And so she comes back on.

01:58:53.000 She goes, oh, look what we got here, guys.

01:58:55.000 It's the art police.

01:58:56.000 Yeah.

01:58:57.000 Oh, guys, the art police is here.

01:59:00.000 Come on.

01:59:01.000 Look at his quote. 0.99

01:59:07.000 Shut your hole, pretty man. 1.00

01:59:15.000 Shut your dumb hole. 1.00

01:59:18.000 That's really funny, man. 1.00

01:59:19.000 That's really funny.

01:59:20.000 She's had some beats with a couple people.

01:59:23.000 Yeah, whatever.

01:59:24.000 Her and Chris Hilton and Madonna, the three of them were going at it.

01:59:27.000 Oh, look at his quote.

01:59:28.000 Scroll that up.

01:59:29.000 What did he say?

01:59:30.000 Methinks those dost protest too much. 1.00

01:59:35.000 Yikes. 1.00

01:59:36.000 Shut up. 1.00

01:59:37.000 Thou dost protest too much. 1.00

01:59:38.000 Shut up, dude. 0.99

01:59:40.000 By the way, I'm not an artist. 0.99

01:59:42.000 I sing in a band and I make music with my friends.

01:59:46.000 Oh my god.

01:59:48.000 Yeah, that's a self-inflicted wound right there.

01:59:50.000 Well, not only that, what he just said, I'm not an artist? 1.00

01:59:53.000 If you're not an artist, you need to shut the fuck up. 0.99

01:59:56.000 If you're singing and you're not an artist, what are you doing? 1.00

01:59:58.000 And I don't feel like she protested too much.

02:00:01.000 How is that, though?

02:00:02.000 How is he not an artist?

02:00:03.000 Are we pretending?

02:00:05.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:00:05.000 Who shits on himself? 1.00

02:00:06.000 Are you pretending that singing is not an art? 0.99

02:00:08.000 Why are you pretending?

02:00:09.000 Are you being self-deprecating there? 1.00

02:00:11.000 I just feel like he shit on himself. 0.98

02:00:12.000 You just basically say what you're doing is not artistic. 1.00

02:00:16.000 It's foolish self-deprecating behavior is what it is. 0.97

02:00:21.000 Deprecation. 0.98

02:00:21.000 Oh man, they put out that one album where he just broke up with his girlfriend. 0.98

02:00:26.000 Obviously, she ripped his heart out. 0.93

02:00:28.000 And it was a pretty good album, but the whole album was about her...

02:00:32.000 Her basically breaking her heart, man.

02:00:34.000 Breaking his heart?

02:00:35.000 Yeah, the other way around.

02:00:37.000 Whatever. 1.00

02:00:37.000 He's a dick. 1.00

02:00:38.000 Just that? 1.00

02:00:39.000 That's silly. 1.00

02:00:40.000 Why do you give a fuck what Lady Gaga sings? 1.00

02:00:42.000 I don't know why white guys... 1.00

02:00:44.000 I shouldn't say he's a dick. 0.99

02:00:46.000 Maybe he's a nice guy. 0.99

02:00:47.000 He was drunk. 1.00

02:00:47.000 Maybe he fucked up. 1.00

02:00:48.000 Maybe he was in a bad frame of mind. 0.99

02:00:49.000 I don't know the guy.

02:00:51.000 It goes back to your joke about all these sensitive...

02:00:55.000 White band guys.

02:00:56.000 There's a lot of that out there.

02:00:58.000 A lot of those guys that get into that position too.

02:01:01.000 There's also the thing that happens when people get into that sort of position of prominence where they feel like they have to stand up for their idea of what's right.

02:01:10.000 So him shitting all over her music, like, come on, I unabashedly perform pop music for myself and, in capital letters, everyone around me. 0.82

02:01:18.000 Like, come on. 0.99

02:01:19.000 Just that sentence shows me you're not that bright.

02:01:22.000 That's a not very bright sentence.

02:01:24.000 It's like comics who call out other comics on material and stuff like that.

02:01:29.000 Oh, you can't do those kind of jokes. 1.00

02:01:31.000 Yeah, what do you give a fuck? 1.00

02:01:32.000 I've never called out anybody for anything other than stealing. 0.99

02:01:35.000 That's why I agree wholeheartedly, brother.

02:01:37.000 That's the only people I've got problems with. 1.00

02:01:38.000 We both have friends that suck. 0.99

02:01:40.000 We know them. 0.99

02:01:41.000 We know there's a few that hang around the store.

02:01:43.000 They've always been terrible.

02:01:44.000 They're always going to be terrible.

02:01:45.000 I hug them every time I see them.

02:01:46.000 I don't care.

02:01:47.000 Right.

02:01:47.000 You know, as long as you're nice.

02:01:49.000 As long as you're nice offstage, I don't care how you are.

02:01:51.000 Yeah, I mean...

02:01:52.000 As long as you don't get crazy and want to ask me advice or try to get me to rewrite your jokes.

02:01:56.000 Get alone.

02:01:57.000 There are some bad conversations that I've been in.

02:01:59.000 How do you think I should fix that bit?

02:02:01.000 Like, oh, come on, man.

02:02:03.000 This is not even possible.

02:02:05.000 I can't help you here.

02:02:06.000 Yeah, it's hard to tag somebody else's stuff.

02:02:09.000 Not just hard to tag.

02:02:10.000 How do you make something funny that's not funny at all?

02:02:11.000 Right.

02:02:12.000 And someone comes up to you and, I'm having a hard time with this bit where I eat babies. 0.98

02:02:16.000 I can't fucking clean it up. 0.98

02:02:18.000 Right. 0.97

02:02:19.000 The problem with me is I've watched so much comedy in my life, I can see when the tricks are coming.

02:02:23.000 There's tricks.

02:02:24.000 Comics do some tricks.

02:02:26.000 I'm not judging them.

02:02:26.000 It's just the way it is.

02:02:27.000 It's Jedi mind tricks.

02:02:28.000 It's whatever.

02:02:30.000 I've watched it for so long.

02:02:31.000 If I know your act before you walk on stage, I just can't watch comedy.

02:02:35.000 It's very hard for me to watch comedy right now.

02:02:37.000 Unless it's someone I've heard a lot about. 0.99

02:02:39.000 You keep saying that, and I don't know what the fuck you're talking about. 0.99

02:02:41.000 I've got to be honest with you. 0.99

02:02:42.000 You're saying that, and I experience just the opposite.

02:02:44.000 I just can't watch. 0.99

02:02:45.000 I think you're just around a bunch of shitty comedians. 0.99

02:02:47.000 Maybe that's it. 0.99

02:02:48.000 Maybe I need to find a funnier group of people.

02:02:51.000 No, really.

02:02:53.000 You're doing some shows, like some of those late-night spots at the store or whatever, or open mic nights in certain places.

02:03:00.000 You can get around a bunch of tricks.

02:03:02.000 Right.

02:03:02.000 You're not supposed to watch those.

02:03:04.000 You know when those guys are there, you get out of the room.

02:03:06.000 I just can't watch comedy.

02:03:08.000 That's not true.

02:03:09.000 I've tried it.

02:03:09.000 If Joey Diaz is going on stage, you're going to watch him.

02:03:11.000 Right.

02:03:11.000 I can watch him, but those are the legends.

02:03:14.000 But it's very hard for me.

02:03:15.000 And I'm not saying I'm anything better than anybody.

02:03:18.000 I'm just a dude doing stand-up, but I can't watch it.

02:03:22.000 Just don't watch the bad stuff, dude.

02:03:23.000 It's not that difficult.

02:03:24.000 I wish they'd tell me when they're bad so I don't walk in and see it.

02:03:27.000 Well, you're gonna get that. 0.99

02:03:29.000 People are trying shit out. 0.98

02:03:31.000 They're trying to get good. 0.99

02:03:32.000 You're gonna get bad.

02:03:33.000 Yeah.

02:03:33.000 Don't dwell on it though.

02:03:34.000 I don't.

02:03:35.000 Dwell on it. 1.00

02:03:35.000 Don't be all like fucking Adam, whatever his name is. 1.00

02:03:38.000 Who? 1.00

02:03:39.000 Get all Lady Gaga with people. 0.54

02:03:41.000 What's his name?

02:03:42.000 Adam Levine. 1.00

02:03:43.000 Pretty, pretty bastard. 1.00

02:03:44.000 I love to sing for the ladies. 1.00

02:03:46.000 It's tough to go through life being that handsome and not just get a delusional sense of your own intelligence.

02:03:51.000 People like you so much.

02:03:52.000 Beautiful cheekbones, smooth skin, perfect amount of stubble.

02:03:55.000 Everything you want just can cross it off your list.

02:03:58.000 All your sexual must-dos you got.

02:04:02.000 God, must be nice. 0.98

02:04:04.000 Or not.

02:04:05.000 It's not natural.

02:04:06.000 What? 0.97

02:04:06.000 You might be better off being a chimp, better off doing an old school primate style. 0.97

02:04:11.000 That trickery of being on a screen, singing a certain song, having them all going crazy and throwing panties at you, that shit's unnatural. 1.00

02:04:18.000 When it comes down to it, he's got weak genes. 1.00

02:04:20.000 Look at the shit he's writing. 1.00

02:04:21.000 His little pea brain. 1.00

02:04:22.000 Well, do you think he's writing it because that's how he feels or he knows that's what will sell? 1.00

02:04:26.000 That statement that he said is a dumb statement. 0.98

02:04:29.000 The whole thing about unabashedly make pop music, that's just something a dummy says. 0.99

02:04:33.000 I'm not saying he's dumb. 0.99

02:04:34.000 I mean, he might not be dumb. 0.98

02:04:35.000 Maybe it's just tough to get your expression out in 140 characters. 0.96

02:04:40.000 And it is.

02:04:42.000 It is.

02:04:42.000 It's way easier to do this.

02:04:44.000 I mean, think about some of the shit that I've said so far that I had to clarify in just explaining myself about him. 0.75

02:04:50.000 You're great with footnotes. 0.93

02:04:51.000 You explain something you have footnotes.

02:04:53.000 Leave Lady Gaga alone. 1.00

02:04:54.000 First of all, this is what you should pay attention to with Lady Gaga. 1.00

02:04:57.000 Her tremendous ass. 1.00

02:04:59.000 That should be it. 1.00

02:05:00.000 She loves showing it, too.

02:05:01.000 That should be all you're paying attention to. 1.00

02:05:02.000 Pull those pictures up of Lady Gaga's ass from the Grammys. 1.00

02:05:05.000 And listen to me, Mr. Levine. 0.99

02:05:06.000 If you're concentrating on her singing, you're doing it wrong.

02:05:09.000 Okay?

02:05:10.000 What you should be concentrating on is the fact that her and Miley Cyrus had an old-school South Park slut-off on the Video Music Awards, and Lady Gaga dominated her. 1.00

02:05:19.000 She dominated her without any of the tongue sticking out, without any of the stupid shit with the foam finger, just with this tremendous body she has. 1.00

02:05:29.000 Oh, that's so good. 1.00

02:05:31.000 Pull that shit up. 1.00

02:05:32.000 Look at this. 1.00

02:05:33.000 Dude, come on with your bad self. 1.00

02:05:36.000 Look at her ass. 1.00

02:05:36.000 Give us a full photo. 1.00

02:05:38.000 There's some great pictures where you see the whole body.

02:05:40.000 Her body's in tremendous shape, man. 1.00

02:05:46.000 That is a great ass. 1.00

02:05:47.000 Oh my god. 1.00

02:05:48.000 Dude, her body's insane. 1.00

02:05:50.000 I want to breathe through it.

02:05:51.000 She wins.

02:05:51.000 Her body wins.

02:05:52.000 I just want to breathe.

02:05:53.000 Why are you talking about her singing?

02:05:54.000 If you don't like it, don't like it.

02:05:56.000 But why would you complain about that?

02:05:58.000 I guess it was some music video she did that showed various art styles or something. 0.99

02:06:04.000 I don't know what the fuck it was all about. 0.99

02:06:05.000 Who cares? 1.00

02:06:06.000 Look at her ass. 1.00

02:06:07.000 That's the comparison between her ass. 1.00

02:06:09.000 That is hilarious. 1.00

02:06:10.000 It's rude.

02:06:11.000 I was talking about it on stage. 1.00

02:06:14.000 She's got fuck you money. 1.00

02:06:16.000 That's a fuck you thing. 1.00

02:06:18.000 That's all that was. 1.00

02:06:19.000 She probably just threw it together.

02:06:21.000 She's young.

02:06:22.000 You shouldn't be that famous when you're that young.

02:06:25.000 You're 20 years old, you're trying to find yourself, and you're doing it on television like that, and someone allows you to put that together and do that on television.

02:06:32.000 Or maybe she likes it.

02:06:33.000 Who knows?

02:06:34.000 Maybe when you're 20, that's cool. 1.00

02:06:35.000 I love her big, dumb teeth. 1.00

02:06:37.000 You remember when there were things you liked when you were young? 0.99

02:06:40.000 There were certain comic books you looked forward to. 1.00

02:06:42.000 If you had to read them today, you'd be like, what is this piece of shit? 1.00

02:06:46.000 Back then you loved him? 1.00

02:06:47.000 Maybe that's what it's like for her.

02:06:48.000 She's 20 years old.

02:06:49.000 Right.

02:06:50.000 What she thinks is awesome might be that.

02:06:52.000 100%. 0.98

02:06:53.000 She might watch that every night and go, I fucking knocked it out of the park! 1.00

02:06:57.000 I was watching Ghostbusters the other day. 0.96

02:06:59.000 It's still a great movie, but I remember when I was a kid watching it, how my mind was blown at how funny that movie was.

02:07:06.000 Well, that's a different time, though.

02:07:07.000 There's a thing about comedy, that comedy has a very short sort of lifetime to it.

02:07:12.000 And then if you go back and try to watch some comedies from a long time ago, a lot of them don't hold up at all. 0.97

02:07:20.000 You could see, like, even Blazing Saddles was a great fucking movie. 0.72

02:07:24.000 You go back and watch it today and compare it to something like, did you see The World's End? 0.98

02:07:28.000 Yes. 0.97

02:07:29.000 Fucking hilarious. 0.97

02:07:31.000 It was an awesome movie. 0.96

02:07:33.000 It was a great movie.

02:07:34.000 Here's my thing about The World's End.

02:07:35.000 I think that put the end of the whole rape joke controversy.

02:07:39.000 Because they do a five minute bit in there about a rape joke. 1.00

02:07:44.000 And nobody said anything.

02:07:45.000 So I'm like, okay, that's cool.

02:07:46.000 It was hilarious.

02:07:47.000 It was five minutes.

02:07:48.000 Wait a minute.

02:07:49.000 Where?

02:07:50.000 Oh, is that the one with the bar, or is that the one with Seth Rogen?

02:07:54.000 Oh, I thought you'd talk about the one with Seth Rogen.

02:07:56.000 Jesus Christ, I'm like, what did you see?

02:07:58.000 That one, what was it?

02:07:59.000 This is the end?

02:08:00.000 This is the end.

02:08:00.000 That was hilarious.

02:08:01.000 This is a totally different movie.

02:08:02.000 Did you not like that one?

02:08:03.000 I didn't see that one.

02:08:04.000 I saw The World's End.

02:08:05.000 It was very funny.

02:08:06.000 The World's End is the robots in the pub.

02:08:08.000 I haven't seen it.

02:08:09.000 I'll go watch it.

02:08:10.000 I'll come back with a book report on it.

02:08:13.000 Well, those guys are funny.

02:08:16.000 Yeah, Dumb and Dumber, they're doing a reunion.

02:08:18.000 20 years later.

02:08:19.000 Yeah, that's not necessary.

02:08:21.000 That's a mistake.

02:08:22.000 He beat out at the Emmys?

02:08:24.000 He beat out Breaking Bad?

02:08:27.000 Who did?

02:08:28.000 Jeff Daniels?

02:08:29.000 Yeah, his character on Newsroom.

02:08:31.000 Newsroom?

02:08:31.000 Oh, that's right.

02:08:32.000 That's the same guy. 0.97

02:08:33.000 It's hard to remember that that's the same guy when you see him there with this silly look on his face. 0.93

02:08:37.000 I don't want to watch this.

02:08:38.000 Who knows, though?

02:08:39.000 Is it the Farrelly brothers still?

02:08:41.000 Yeah.

02:08:41.000 We have to look up.

02:08:42.000 Don't probably mean there's a fucking computer in front of you. 0.99

02:08:44.000 Google it, son! 1.00

02:08:45.000 I'm pretty sure it is.

02:08:46.000 Probably in 2013. Yes, it is.

02:08:48.000 Well, if it's the Farrelly brothers, that makes sense. 0.99

02:08:51.000 Because they know what the fuck they're doing. 0.99

02:08:53.000 That's their movie. 0.99

02:08:54.000 Maybe they can do it again.

02:08:55.000 They were supposed to put out the movie, but then that Magician movie didn't do that well, so they pulled funding on it.

02:09:00.000 Even though that Magician movie was hilarious.

02:09:02.000 I heard that Burt Wonderstone is hilarious.

02:09:04.000 It's hilarious, dude. 0.96

02:09:05.000 I heard it's really fucking funny. 0.65

02:09:07.000 I watched it on the flight, the international flight, where they give you like 90 movies to watch, and that was one of it. 0.91

02:09:12.000 And I'm like, this is really funny.

02:09:13.000 Why didn't it go?

02:09:14.000 What happened?

02:09:15.000 Dude, who knows?

02:09:17.000 I don't know how they market it.

02:09:19.000 I don't know, man.

02:09:20.000 What's his face?

02:09:21.000 Steve Carell is a great, great comedic actor.

02:09:24.000 I don't know how well some of his movies do, but he's a great actor.

02:09:27.000 Yeah, that movie, for whatever reason, just didn't seem appealing when it was out in the movie theaters to me either.

02:09:32.000 I thought it was marketed or something.

02:09:35.000 Maybe.

02:09:36.000 I don't know, man.

02:09:36.000 And let me tell you, Jim Carrey murders it in that movie.

02:09:41.000 He's so good in that movie.

02:09:43.000 Is he the magician?

02:09:44.000 He's like the bad guy magician in it.

02:09:46.000 Oh, alright.

02:09:46.000 I need to go see that.

02:09:48.000 It was great, man.

02:09:49.000 It was a great movie.

02:09:51.000 I watched it on a plane, but I didn't watch all of it.

02:09:52.000 But I was howling.

02:09:54.000 I couldn't watch all of it, though.

02:09:55.000 And he was great.

02:09:56.000 Jim Carrey was great in Kick-Ass 2. Yeah, that was good.

02:10:00.000 I love Kick-Ass.

02:10:02.000 Kick-Ass 1 was one of the best movies I've ever watched.

02:10:04.000 I did not see Kick-Ass 2. It's good.

02:10:07.000 Number 1 is a little better, but that's hard to beat because it's such a great movie.

02:10:12.000 Yeah.

02:10:13.000 But that little girl in that movie is so smart. 1.00

02:10:16.000 There's some of these child actors, you're like, man, how do they grasp that kind of emotion?

02:10:21.000 Because they're brilliant.

02:10:22.000 They're like...

02:10:23.000 They all go on like Harvard and Yale to school and stuff like that because they're way smarter than the average kid at that age.

02:10:29.000 Well, I don't think it's hard to act, man.

02:10:31.000 I think there's a lot of kids out there that can do it.

02:10:33.000 I honestly do.

02:10:34.000 Yeah, but I think there's some kids you see that they're just playing a kid and then you see there's some who like have the moment.

02:10:40.000 That girl who's also in Let Me In, she's incredible. 0.95

02:10:45.000 Yeah, she's really good, but I don't think that it's that hard to do.

02:10:48.000 Okay, I'll give you that.

02:10:49.000 I did a movie this year and it was like, I'm like, oh, I should have done this before.

02:10:53.000 But it's like, yeah, but this, some of these kids are just able to just nail this very adult motion.

02:10:59.000 Yeah, no, they definitely are.

02:11:01.000 Especially if it's really well written and they're really smart.

02:11:03.000 I met Dakota Fanning, is that her name?

02:11:05.000 Really young girl once.

02:11:07.000 Very, very smart kid.

02:11:08.000 Very smart.

02:11:09.000 She's another one that was a brilliant young actress. 1.00

02:11:12.000 But I always get weirded out by the idea because, like Miley Cyrus, I think everybody should be able to do whatever the fuck they want to do.

02:11:20.000 However, are you sure that's what you want? 0.78

02:11:23.000 And are you sure you're ready to handle the repercussions of that?

02:11:26.000 Because being a Miley Cyrus has got to be mind-bogglingly difficult to not go crazy.

02:11:31.000 If you look at all of them, everyone who ever was a young superstar, how many of them made it through?

02:11:38.000 Ron Howard, Jodie Foster, and who knows how crazy they really are.

02:11:43.000 They seem awesome.

02:11:45.000 I mean, Ron Howard seems totally together, so does Jodie Foster.

02:11:48.000 But think about how many of them went loco.

02:11:51.000 Too much too early.

02:11:53.000 I know a couple.

02:11:54.000 I know them personally.

02:11:55.000 I know a couple of them that were famous when they were young. 1.00

02:11:57.000 And they're fucking crazy, man. 1.00

02:12:00.000 They're all wired wrong. 1.00

02:12:02.000 Just like moving around and working.

02:12:04.000 But you're like, oh, this is where that is.

02:12:06.000 And that's where this is.

02:12:07.000 And how'd you get wired with that?

02:12:08.000 Oh, you've been famous since you were five.

02:12:10.000 So that never even grew?

02:12:12.000 Oh, wow.

02:12:13.000 That's a Justin Bieber situation.

02:12:15.000 You know, it's like...

02:12:16.000 It just seems like he's got everything.

02:12:18.000 I mean, his dad's his manager, but what can his dad tell him?

02:12:22.000 I don't think when you could have outside influences, that's when things start going really crazy.

02:12:27.000 Yeah, there's no doubt about that.

02:12:29.000 There's no doubt that if you are a regular human being, like we all are, and you don't slowly get inoculated to the idea of fame, you don't develop some character, you don't get older, you don't get wiser, you just jump into it from the time you're a baby...

02:12:46.000 Your reality is going to be so much different than everyone else's.

02:12:49.000 It's going to be impossible to relate.

02:12:52.000 That's what you are.

02:12:53.000 You become like a wild animal.

02:12:54.000 You're not taught, you know, a proper way to act.

02:12:57.000 You're not trained in the proper way of being in society.

02:13:01.000 So you're just reacting however you want to react.

02:13:03.000 Well, I don't know about that, but you don't develop character the way a normal person does.

02:13:07.000 Being accepted or rejected, learning how to communicate with people.

02:13:10.000 How you act, how you treat people.

02:13:11.000 Yeah, you're going to be famous from the jump.

02:13:13.000 And just that alone, having that royalty thing, being so much more, look at Michael Jackson.

02:13:19.000 How many of them had to become that way?

02:13:22.000 Donny Osmond would be the most normal.

02:13:24.000 Yeah, because he still had his family.

02:13:26.000 Still had Mormonism. 0.99

02:13:27.000 Yeah.

02:13:28.000 Keep it together.

02:13:29.000 Had a bunch of people, but then it's like Joe Jackson had some crazy kids come out.

02:13:33.000 But think about Michael Jackson.

02:13:35.000 I mean, that fame is beyond anything anyone will ever get to.

02:13:38.000 I mean, he was the biggest thing on the planet.

02:13:40.000 He couldn't leave his house.

02:13:41.000 So every day, he's probably looking at himself in the mirror.

02:13:44.000 And just imagine if you looked at yourself in the mirror all day, every day.

02:13:47.000 It's just like you'd start nitpicking yourself. 1.00

02:13:49.000 Yeah, you would start fucking with yourself. 0.99

02:13:51.000 Especially if you started changing things about your face. 1.00

02:13:54.000 Oh, yeah.

02:13:55.000 Bleaching your skin. 0.73

02:13:56.000 Wanting to get your lips thinner. 1.00

02:13:58.000 Yeah, he did a lot of weird shit, man. 1.00

02:14:00.000 I wonder what he really did. 0.99

02:14:02.000 I wonder if ever we'll find out what were the full extent of the surgeries, but he's the first guy in the history of television, film, everything that we watched become like a freak.

02:14:15.000 Went from, and I don't mean freak in a good way, went from being this young boy who's this brilliant talent to being this man who hides and wants to be with children and has an amusement park and he's pale. 0.59

02:14:27.000 He's a white guy for no reason. 0.64

02:14:29.000 His nose is skinny. 0.90

02:14:30.000 His lips are skinny.

02:14:31.000 I mean, his face changed so radically.

02:14:35.000 He might be the first guy that we've ever seen that has done that.

02:14:39.000 The first person that we've ever seen. 0.93

02:14:41.000 That's grown from childhood to adult and become like this kind of crazy freak like that.

02:14:45.000 And everywhere you go, there's cameras.

02:14:47.000 You can't go anywhere.

02:14:48.000 You can't do anything.

02:14:50.000 I mean, that's just too much fame.

02:14:52.000 The comparisons of his face when he first started and then what he became over the years and what he looked like before he died, it's really, really shocking. 0.99

02:15:04.000 First of all, who the fuck are these plastic surgeons? 0.98

02:15:07.000 How come nobody knows who these people are? 0.99

02:15:09.000 Like, we know who the guy is who gave him the drugs that made him die, but nobody knows who did all that work on him.

02:15:15.000 Like, that guy did a terrible disservice.

02:15:18.000 Yes!

02:15:19.000 Like, what did you do?

02:15:21.000 Like, that dude needed a hug, and he thinned his lips out, you know?

02:15:26.000 You gave him so many nose operations that his nose caved in.

02:15:29.000 Like, what kind of doctor says yes to that?

02:15:31.000 One who wants money.

02:15:32.000 I'm sure they just wanted to throw an immense amount of cash at him.

02:15:37.000 Do you have any photos?

02:15:38.000 See if you can pull any photos of, like, the before and after.

02:15:41.000 It's just, um...

02:15:42.000 It's madness.

02:15:45.000 What he's done to his body.

02:15:47.000 What he did to his face.

02:15:48.000 His eyes.

02:15:49.000 Look at the size of his eyes when it was all over.

02:15:53.000 So strange.

02:15:56.000 It's so strange.

02:15:59.000 Yeah, he made himself look white. 1.00

02:16:01.000 Well, he just did a lot of crazy shit to his nose. 0.99

02:16:05.000 His nose was so bad that they had to graft skin over it. 0.99

02:16:08.000 It caved in.

02:16:09.000 It lost its support.

02:16:11.000 It started getting necrosis on his nose, apparently, too.

02:16:14.000 Isn't that what the one girl from The Hills, Heidi Montage, she did so much plastic surgery her nose was falling off? 1.00

02:16:21.000 I don't know. 1.00

02:16:21.000 That's bullshit, dude. 1.00

02:16:22.000 That's not real. 1.00

02:16:23.000 I don't know.

02:16:24.000 I don't know.

02:16:25.000 Is that true? 1.00

02:16:25.000 That's sad shit, man. 1.00

02:16:27.000 It's sad shit when you see people start fucking shooting things in their face. 1.00

02:16:30.000 Shaving their faces up. 1.00

02:16:31.000 Cutting their nose down. 0.62

02:16:32.000 How about Cat Lady? 0.97

02:16:33.000 That woman who got so much plasticity, she looks like a cat. 1.00

02:16:36.000 And that's what starts happening.

02:16:37.000 Yeah, I think she started fixing that.

02:16:39.000 Let's see.

02:16:39.000 Let me see.

02:16:40.000 I think there was something about Cat Lady fixing her face. 1.00

02:16:43.000 Cat Lady, fix your fucking face. 1.00

02:16:45.000 But there's a lot of ladies that I see in Beverly Hills that look like monsters. 1.00

02:16:51.000 Yeah, the duck lips are just like...

02:16:53.000 Who said that sexy duck lips? 1.00

02:16:58.000 Yeah, she's trying to fix it. 1.00

02:17:00.000 She's making it...

02:17:00.000 Wow, she was so pretty in the beginning, man.

02:17:02.000 That's really sad.

02:17:03.000 It's just when you have that much money and you just get bored.

02:17:07.000 Yeah.

02:17:08.000 Look at that.

02:17:09.000 She was so pretty.

02:17:12.000 Yeah, and then you just start injecting this and shaving that.

02:17:17.000 Well, I also think that the human mind is...

02:17:21.000 It's very possible for people to go crazy, given the wrong circumstances, given the wrong motivations, the wrong people in their life.

02:17:32.000 People can blow fuses.

02:17:35.000 They can blast screws out, and they can go nutty. 0.81

02:17:39.000 And they might not even realize what they're doing while they're doing it.

02:17:42.000 Like, did you see that lady that... 1.00

02:17:44.000 Oh, my God.

02:17:44.000 The lady that...

02:17:47.000 Wow, is that really what she looked like? 0.94

02:17:48.000 She was hot! 1.00

02:17:49.000 No, is that real?

02:17:52.000 Wow, that's so crazy.

02:17:53.000 There's a before and after of the cat lady where she was beautiful.

02:17:55.000 You know what's so funny?

02:17:56.000 No matter how much plastic surgery you get, you can never remove the experience of life from your eyes.

02:18:03.000 You can always tell in the eyes how much stuff you've seen, how much stuff you've been through.

02:18:07.000 It's always in the eyes.

02:18:09.000 You can't shave that off. 0.77

02:18:10.000 You can never get rid of the crazy either. 0.52

02:18:12.000 Right?

02:18:12.000 You can't unsee what you've seen.

02:18:14.000 Yeah, when the crazy's in the eyes, you see that shit. 1.00

02:18:20.000 Crazy fucking people are everywhere, too. 1.00

02:18:22.000 There's a woman in Korea that got addicted to plastic surgery, so she started injecting cooking oil into her face. 1.00

02:18:28.000 Oh my god.

02:18:29.000 Did you see that?

02:18:29.000 No, I don't want to see it.

02:18:30.000 You don't want to see it.

02:18:31.000 It's sad, though.

02:18:33.000 And she was a really pretty young girl, and she just...

02:18:36.000 Apparently, it's just like...

02:18:39.000 Anorexia, just like bodybuilders that don't know how big they are, we're susceptible.

02:18:44.000 We're susceptible to all sorts of weird variations in human behavior.

02:18:47.000 Addictions.

02:18:47.000 Yeah, addictions.

02:18:49.000 And we're susceptible to going down these weird delusional paths where we don't see ourselves for what we look like.

02:18:54.000 Yeah.

02:18:55.000 Really common.

02:18:55.000 I'm with that with my fatness.

02:18:57.000 How do you see yourself? 0.94

02:18:58.000 I see myself as a sexy beast.

02:19:00.000 Are you just a rock?

02:19:03.000 Are you bulky at all?

02:19:05.000 I don't know what it is about my home mirror, but it makes me feel a lot better than this shot does.

02:19:10.000 Well, look how you're sitting, though.

02:19:12.000 It's bad posture.

02:19:13.000 I'm relaxing.

02:19:13.000 What do you want me to go?

02:19:14.000 Prop?

02:19:15.000 What do you want me to go?

02:19:15.000 Sit up.

02:19:16.000 That's it.

02:19:16.000 That's not bad right there.

02:19:17.000 Look how you're sitting.

02:19:18.000 You know what, man?

02:19:19.000 I like everywhere, but here.

02:19:20.000 This is just it.

02:19:21.000 And I got to start working that.

02:19:22.000 I do.

02:19:23.000 You don't work out at all?

02:19:24.000 I do.

02:19:24.000 I just run.

02:19:25.000 But I gotta do more.

02:19:26.000 You gotta lift some weights.

02:19:27.000 I gotta get over the pink and blue weights.

02:19:29.000 I gotta get to the man weights.

02:19:31.000 You gotta get to raw black metal. 0.98

02:19:32.000 Yeah, the metal, the blacks. 1.00

02:19:34.000 I gotta get over that. 0.96

02:19:35.000 Those pink weights aren't helping.

02:19:37.000 How old are you now, Sam?

02:19:38.000 I'm 40. You gotta do it before it's too late.

02:19:41.000 While your body's still pumping good fluid.

02:19:43.000 It's slowing down.

02:19:44.000 You're gonna get some sludge in your veins, son.

02:19:46.000 I gotta keep moving.

02:19:48.000 It's harder to do it when you're 40 than it is when you're 39 and harder when you're 41 than it is when you're 40. I know, dude.

02:19:53.000 I know.

02:19:54.000 Yeah, baby.

02:19:54.000 Keep it going.

02:19:55.000 Are you the voice inside my head?

02:19:56.000 I am.

02:19:56.000 I'm trying to be.

02:19:57.000 Please, I need it.

02:19:58.000 You don't want me in there.

02:19:59.000 I'll make a recording for you. 0.99

02:20:00.000 I'll drive you crazy. 1.00

02:20:01.000 You'll throw that shit out of your head within the first day. 1.00

02:20:03.000 No, dude, I don't want to. 1.00

02:20:04.000 No, my left field was to just skip and play over and over again.

02:20:07.000 Do you think that that would be a good product to sell?

02:20:09.000 Me telling people what to do? 0.99

02:20:11.000 Like, listen, you can fucking do this. 0.99

02:20:13.000 Fear Factor style. 0.99

02:20:14.000 I completely agree you could sell the fuck out of it. 1.00

02:20:17.000 Kick some fucking ass. 1.00

02:20:18.000 And I'll personalize it to your name, Sam Tripoli. 1.00

02:20:21.000 Today's the day.

02:20:22.000 You are the hero.

02:20:23.000 In the movie of your own life. 1.00

02:20:25.000 It's time to get shit popping. 1.00

02:20:26.000 Isn't that what motivational speakers do? 0.99

02:20:28.000 They just sell you tapes and just tell you to believe in yourself?

02:20:31.000 The way to do it right is to use a guy's name.

02:20:34.000 To make a real personal one and use their name.

02:20:36.000 If you really needed it, most people don't need it. 0.99

02:20:39.000 Most people are like, bitch, I don't need to hear you tell me what to do. 1.00

02:20:41.000 I'm with you, man. 1.00

02:20:42.000 I think a lot of people will love it.

02:20:44.000 A lot of people need it.

02:20:45.000 You obviously know how far this show reaches. 1.00

02:20:48.000 People live, breathe, and die this shit. 1.00

02:20:51.000 I did morning news in San Diego. 1.00

02:20:54.000 I wasn't even on a show.

02:20:56.000 She's like, I heard your name on a Joe Rogan show.

02:20:58.000 Hot chick out of San Diego.

02:20:59.000 Do you think you had a shot with her?

02:21:00.000 I could have if I wanted to keep pushing it.

02:21:04.000 They had me doing radio from 6 in the morning until 3 in the afternoon.

02:21:09.000 Oh my god.

02:21:11.000 I was on an immediate tour.

02:21:13.000 Comedy Madhouse down in...

02:21:14.000 Why would they put you on so much?

02:21:16.000 Because they just want me to push product.

02:21:18.000 Jesus Christ, son.

02:21:20.000 Just let me know and I'll tweet it for you. 0.99

02:21:22.000 That's ridiculous. 0.95

02:21:23.000 Don't do that. 0.98

02:21:24.000 Yeah, well, you know, I like doing it.

02:21:26.000 I like going in there and see if I can rock it, but man, that was longer than it's ever been.

02:21:30.000 It's good to rock it, but you also need to get some sleep before the show.

02:21:33.000 It affected my show.

02:21:34.000 Oh, it does.

02:21:35.000 My first show, I was just like, my energy is just really whacked right now.

02:21:40.000 Well, especially because most comedians, and it's not an excuse, but the reality is, we have a certain sleep cycle.

02:21:45.000 We go to bed at like 2, 3, 4, you know, even later in the morning.

02:21:48.000 Like, people said to me like, oh, you were up pretty late last night.

02:21:51.000 I saw you tweeting around 2 a.m. 0.98

02:21:52.000 I'm like, bitch, I just started writing at 2. Right. 0.99

02:21:55.000 I went to bed at 8. You usually go to bed at what time?

02:21:59.000 I go to bed in the morning.

02:22:00.000 Really?

02:22:01.000 Yeah.

02:22:01.000 Like what, like 6?

02:22:03.000 My kids go to bed really early.

02:22:06.000 They go to bed at like 7-ish, 7.30.

02:22:08.000 I read them stories.

02:22:09.000 By 7.30, they're conked out.

02:22:10.000 They've got to get up in the morning and go to school.

02:22:13.000 I can't write until the house is quiet. 0.99

02:22:16.000 Trust me, you cannot write dick jokes while you've got little girls screaming. 0.99

02:22:19.000 I totally understand. 0.99

02:22:20.000 You know, playing Team Umizoomi and running around your house.

02:22:24.000 And you also have to pay attention to them while they're awake, while they're home.

02:22:29.000 That's when we have fun together. 0.99

02:22:30.000 And when it's all done and everyone's asleep, then I can get into my shit. 1.00

02:22:34.000 Daddy goes to work. 1.00

02:22:35.000 Daddy goes to work.

02:22:36.000 And sometimes it lasts a long time.

02:22:37.000 Like, if I catch a wave, like, if I'm on a roll, like, especially if I'm writing a blog or, like, lately I've been writing a novel, actually.

02:22:46.000 I started writing it a few weeks ago.

02:22:48.000 I've been obsessed with this.

02:22:49.000 You put out so much content. 1.00

02:22:52.000 Yeah, I got a lot of shit in my head, man. 0.99

02:22:54.000 Trying to get over my childhood. 1.00

02:22:56.000 Hey, that childhood made you who you are.

02:22:58.000 Yeah, absolutely.

02:22:59.000 You know? 0.98

02:23:00.000 Everybody used to have a shitty childhood. 0.96

02:23:01.000 Makes you awesome. 0.99

02:23:02.000 Hey, man, if it was handed to you, you'd be lazy.

02:23:05.000 Yeah, there's a little of that too, but also I enjoy the creative process.

02:23:10.000 I really enjoy it.

02:23:11.000 The only thing that keeps me from doing it is distractions, whether it's playing pool or doing jiu-jitsu or other things in my life or watching TV or something like that.

02:23:20.000 Those are the only distractions that actually keep me from creating things.

02:23:23.000 I'm at my happiest.

02:23:25.000 Not at my happiest, but...

02:23:27.000 I think a good source of happiness, I should say, I want to quantify it, is when something comes out.

02:23:32.000 When I sit down and write something and it comes out.

02:23:34.000 I love it.

02:23:35.000 That's why I never understood joke stealing, because I love so much coming up with an idea for Fine-tuning it and presenting it to people and the reaction to it.

02:23:48.000 I enjoy...

02:23:49.000 You know, it's like I could do just crowd work.

02:23:52.000 I could just rack the crowd for an hour, just go do an interview, find out who they are, rack them, and they'd be happy.

02:24:00.000 But that doesn't get me off.

02:24:01.000 What gets me off is coming up with an idea in my head, fine-tuning it, tagging it, and then presenting it to a crowd and getting a reaction from...

02:24:09.000 300 strangers or how many people are in the crowd?

02:24:12.000 Well, that is what an artist is. 1.00

02:24:14.000 That's why the guy saying he's not an artist is so fucking silly. 0.99

02:24:17.000 You put together a song, you're an artist. 1.00

02:24:19.000 Shut your hole, all right? 0.99

02:24:20.000 Stop it. 0.98

02:24:21.000 And when you're an artist, you get that satisfaction of someone appreciating your art.

02:24:25.000 That's what it is to make something good.

02:24:27.000 They appreciate your art.

02:24:29.000 And that's what these people are doing.

02:24:30.000 They're appreciating your art.

02:24:32.000 You put something together and the reward is when it comes out right, you get a big laugh from the crowd.

02:24:38.000 It's awesome.

02:24:39.000 I love it when I hear, you know, I'll go on the road and I'll meet some people who are fans of the podcast and They're in the middle of nowhere and they're doing their own podcast.

02:24:47.000 And I love that they're finding their own creative ways to put their things out.

02:24:50.000 It isn't necessarily like, hey, I gotta get this podcast out because I need to have this result which will lead to this.

02:24:56.000 They just love the creativity.

02:24:57.000 I always think that's so cool, man.

02:25:00.000 Just to be doing your own thing.

02:25:02.000 Like a lot of the Death Squad people in Ohio, they have this whole Death Squad network and a bunch of them do podcasts.

02:25:07.000 And I think it's really cool, man.

02:25:09.000 The internet is filled with people that have their own podcasts.

02:25:11.000 I get requests to listen to them every day.

02:25:14.000 Someone says, hey, check out my podcast.

02:25:16.000 Look, if you do something that's good, people will listen, and then they'll tell people, and so on and so on, and it'll grow.

02:25:21.000 And it's really that easy.

02:25:22.000 I mean, I know I had a head start because I was already on television.

02:25:24.000 I did a bunch of other things before I started doing my podcast.

02:25:27.000 It all just grew.

02:25:28.000 The first couple episodes, there was like 100 people listening to it. 0.99

02:25:31.000 Nobody gives a shit. 0.99

02:25:32.000 It takes a while. 0.98

02:25:34.000 I remember you talking about doing your podcast.

02:25:36.000 I think you'd just done Adam Carolla's show, right?

02:25:38.000 And you're like, hey man, I might try to do that.

02:25:40.000 Well, we actually did it long before then, but we never stuck with it.

02:25:43.000 We did it on Justin TV. We used to do it after shows.

02:25:47.000 We used to do this before anybody was doing podcasts.

02:25:49.000 We were doing these live streaming things from the green room.

02:25:52.000 We would answer questions.

02:25:53.000 They had a little chat room. 0.99

02:25:55.000 We would just talk shit from the green room. 0.99

02:25:56.000 It was fun. 0.94

02:25:57.000 And then one day, there was two people that inspired me.

02:26:01.000 Adam Carolla and also Opie and Anthony.

02:26:04.000 Anthony Cumia has a place set up at his house.

02:26:07.000 And he has a green screen and a tricorder and the whole thing.

02:26:11.000 I mean, a tricaster.

02:26:12.000 And he has this incredible setup where he can pretend he's in Manhattan with the city behind him.

02:26:17.000 He can make it like Africa. 1.00

02:26:19.000 He can make it like space.

02:26:20.000 He can do whatever he wants. 1.00

02:26:21.000 And it's pretty fucking dope. 0.99

02:26:23.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:26:23.000 And I saw that. 0.99

02:26:24.000 I was like, that would be fun to do.

02:26:26.000 And so we started doing them on Ustream.

02:26:29.000 Just, you know, three, almost four years ago.

02:26:31.000 It'll be four years ago, I think.

02:26:33.000 I think it's four years?

02:26:34.000 Something like that?

02:26:35.000 Four years ago in December. 0.96

02:26:36.000 That's a long ass time.

02:26:37.000 Have you ever thought about putting in a green screen? 0.56

02:26:40.000 Yeah.

02:26:40.000 Too much work.

02:26:41.000 And now, who gives a fuck? 0.99

02:26:42.000 You know, it's distracting, too. 1.00

02:26:44.000 I have a bunch of shit going on behind you. 0.98

02:26:45.000 Well, I mean, this place is gorgeous. 0.99

02:26:46.000 It's one more thing to think about, too. 1.00

02:26:47.000 I don't want to think about shit. 0.99

02:26:49.000 It's gorgeous. 0.98

02:26:50.000 Thank you.

02:26:50.000 Gorgeous like a girl?

02:26:51.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:26:52.000 I won't fuck it. 1.00

02:26:53.000 You want to fuck my house? 1.00

02:26:53.000 Yeah, I won't fuck your studio. 1.00

02:26:55.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:26:56.000 Well, we know what it is.

02:26:58.000 It's what you can do if you can just design it.

02:27:01.000 From the ground up by yourself.

02:27:02.000 I want a brick wall.

02:27:03.000 Make a brick wall.

02:27:04.000 I want a table made out of old oak.

02:27:05.000 Boom.

02:27:06.000 So that's not the natural wall there?

02:27:07.000 You just put in a wall?

02:27:08.000 No, I had that made.

02:27:09.000 I had that built.

02:27:09.000 You had someone build a wall?

02:27:11.000 Yeah, build a brick wall.

02:27:12.000 Yeah, all around through the whole building.

02:27:14.000 You just like being in front of brick walls like comedy clubs, huh?

02:27:17.000 Feels better.

02:27:17.000 Feels organic.

02:27:18.000 That's why I wanted this wooden table, too.

02:27:20.000 The wooden table feels like...

02:27:21.000 You feel it, you know?

02:27:22.000 This has got a life to it.

02:27:24.000 This is reclaimed farm wood from a hundred-year-old farm.

02:27:27.000 Really?

02:27:28.000 Yeah, yeah.

02:27:28.000 They cut it down, supposedly.

02:27:30.000 They might have lied to me. 1.00

02:27:31.000 They might have found this shit. 1.00

02:27:32.000 It's made in the U.S., but it's really China. 1.00

02:27:34.000 Tell this stupid fuck it's organic. 1.00

02:27:36.000 Tell them it's gluten-free. 1.00

02:27:37.000 What is this screen behind us, this thing? 1.00

02:27:40.000 That's some shit that the fucking people who produced the TV show, the sci-fi show created. 0.99

02:27:45.000 They put it back there. 1.00

02:27:46.000 They thought it was important to have something back there.

02:27:48.000 It makes the light look a little cool.

02:27:49.000 Does it do anything, though, or does it just hangs out?

02:27:51.000 It just chills.

02:27:52.000 We can turn the lights on and it turns different colors.

02:27:55.000 Oh, look at that.

02:27:57.000 Swimming pool at night?

02:27:58.000 Look at that.

02:27:59.000 It'll do that to the wall, too, without that thing.

02:28:01.000 Those are just little lights that we have on the ground.

02:28:04.000 Well, it looks great.

02:28:05.000 It sets a great tone in here.

02:28:07.000 Thank you very much, Sam Tripp.

02:28:08.000 Very sexy.

02:28:09.000 I'm glad you enjoy the ambiance.

02:28:11.000 I'm very excited about working with you two this weekend.

02:28:13.000 I'm very excited about doing the...

02:28:15.000 As you can tell, I'm excited about the Comedy Magic Club.

02:28:19.000 I'm going over my set because I want to rock it, but I also... 0.99

02:28:24.000 I'm not a guy who likes to go into a comedy club and be like, fuck you, I'm going to do what I want to do. 0.99

02:28:29.000 I love the Comedy Magic Club. 0.99

02:28:30.000 I know they like it a little cleaner, so I'm working on what my set should be.

02:28:35.000 Well, I'm not going to be clean, but I'm not going to...

02:28:37.000 Listen, man, I don't want to...

02:28:39.000 I actually don't know what I'm going to do.

02:28:41.000 You're just rambling.

02:28:42.000 I'm just trying to figure it out, what I should do.

02:28:45.000 You finished that Starbucks coffee.

02:28:47.000 That's what it is.

02:28:47.000 Is that coffee or tea in there?

02:28:48.000 That's coffee.

02:28:49.000 You got fired up, buddy.

02:28:50.000 Well, I've got to figure out what I'm going to do.

02:28:52.000 It's a weird thing, because I'm working for you, and you kind of do whatever you want, but then it's a club that's kind of what it's clean.

02:28:58.000 So what you're saying is you're working for me, but you're also working to impress the club so you can come back again.

02:29:03.000 No, I... Dude, I get that I'm not their kind of comic.

02:29:07.000 So I get that.

02:29:08.000 And it's a great club.

02:29:09.000 They have me there once a year, maybe.

02:29:12.000 But it's like, I don't want to go in there and be like... 0.99

02:29:15.000 Just shit on the rules. 0.98

02:29:16.000 That's not my way. 0.99

02:29:17.000 Yeah, it's not rules, dude.

02:29:19.000 Don't worry about that.

02:29:20.000 Mike's fine.

02:29:21.000 He's a good guy.

02:29:21.000 He's not going to book you anyway.

02:29:23.000 I get that.

02:29:24.000 I get that.

02:29:24.000 But I don't know.

02:29:25.000 I have this thing that I'm like, I don't want to piss people off.

02:29:28.000 I don't know why.

02:29:29.000 Even though I had a guy throwing a chair at me this weekend.

02:29:31.000 You don't have to worry about it.

02:29:32.000 That's the store.

02:29:33.000 I'm telling you.

02:29:33.000 First of all, the store's haunted.

02:29:35.000 You know that and I know that.

02:29:36.000 If I ever believed in ghosts and I never saw a ghost, there's an energy to the store.

02:29:40.000 I saw a ghost one time.

02:29:41.000 Mmm.

02:29:43.000 I had seen a ghost.

02:29:45.000 Where?

02:29:47.000 Well, one time I was in the green room and I was all alone and I was just writing and getting my set ready and all of a sudden I hear in the shower, they have a shower in the green room, the main room, I heard the faucet just turning. 0.96

02:30:02.000 I'm like, what the fuck? 0.95

02:30:04.000 And the water started going. 1.00

02:30:06.000 I'm like, dude, that's some crazy shit. 0.97

02:30:08.000 Well, another time, I was promoting an Audi show there, and I'd run into the lobby of the main room, and it was completely bright. 0.99

02:30:16.000 And then I ran back, and I had to go grab something from my car, and they come back, and the room was dark.

02:30:22.000 And I'm like, and Jeff Ross and his writing staff from his show were all there.

02:30:26.000 I'm like, did you see anyone go through here and turn this off?

02:30:29.000 They're like, no, nobody's come through here since you came through.

02:30:31.000 I'm like, okay.

02:30:32.000 So I start getting a little freaked out.

02:30:34.000 So I walk into the lobby and it's pitch black, but there's this weird one light, this bright white light going against kind of where Tommy used to stands, which is kind of where the cashier area is of the main room lobby.

02:30:49.000 And it's this white light, and it's kind of a weird reflection coming from Sunset Street.

02:30:53.000 It's like bouncing off.

02:30:54.000 It's coming from there, bouncing off this glass door, and then it's hitting this thing.

02:31:00.000 And I have no clue how the white light is getting there.

02:31:02.000 And I'm just looking at it, all of a sudden I see just this figure go right in front of the light. 0.72

02:31:07.000 And I'm just like, ah, okay, I'm fucking out of here. 1.00

02:31:10.000 And I just went in the other room and made them go turn the lights on, because I'm a big pussy. 1.00

02:31:16.000 So you saw something go in front of it? 0.99

02:31:19.000 Like this figure just go right in front of that white light.

02:31:23.000 Is it possible there was some sort of a reflection from outside?

02:31:27.000 It's possible, but I wouldn't put my...

02:31:30.000 Maybe it's possible, but all I know is that what's light in the lobby, I come back, it's pitch black, and I just see something go right in front of this white light.

02:31:40.000 Hmm.

02:31:41.000 You know, it's not impossible, man.

02:31:43.000 I don't think that it's impossible.

02:31:45.000 I've talked about it before on this show about how I believe it's like, I believe in ghosts because I think everything is energy and it's a transfer of energy.

02:31:52.000 And you always hear like when ghosts happen, it's always when some violent crime had happened, which I always think fucks with the transfer of the energy when you get absorbed back in to the whole, you know, the connection.

02:32:05.000 When your energy goes and you get absorbed back in, some violence fucks with that transfer and your energy ends up getting, it's in between here and there.

02:32:13.000 So that's where the ghosts come from.

02:32:16.000 Well, it might be possible.

02:32:18.000 I mean, the idea is proposed by a guy named Rupert Sheldrake.

02:32:22.000 I think he's an evolutionary biologist, but he had this idea that everything has memory.

02:32:26.000 And that's why people don't want to buy houses, that people died in them.

02:32:30.000 That there's a feeling of those experiences are still stuck in that space.

02:32:35.000 I don't know if that's true or not, but my dad is not a very...

02:32:40.000 He's my stepdad, but he's...

02:32:42.000 I call him my dad.

02:32:43.000 I don't really know my real dad, but he's not a very...

02:32:46.000 He's not a spiritual guy, not a woo-woo guy, not religious at all, but he went to Gettysburg.

02:32:51.000 And he told me that he had a really bad experience there.

02:32:54.000 He said it's just like you could feel the death.

02:32:57.000 He goes, it feels sad.

02:32:58.000 It's just like there's a feeling there.

02:33:00.000 And he goes, and it might be because I knew what happened there.

02:33:03.000 He goes, but it didn't feel like it.

02:33:04.000 He's like, it just felt like there was something in the place that I could tangibly interact with.

02:33:12.000 Yeah, I mean, if something violent and bad happened, you can feel it in the air.

02:33:18.000 It is possible, right?

02:33:20.000 Yeah.

02:33:20.000 Again, it's like my opinion on transfer of energy.

02:33:23.000 Everything's connected.

02:33:24.000 It might just be something that is really difficult to register.

02:33:28.000 Something that's really difficult.

02:33:30.000 There's a lot of people that automatically shoo the idea away, shoo any idea away, if that idea seems to be a wacko idea.

02:33:40.000 They don't go, hmm, man, maybe. 0.97

02:33:42.000 But think about how many fucking people have told ghost stories. 0.98

02:33:46.000 Is it possible there's something to that? 0.99

02:33:49.000 Is it all the imagination?

02:33:50.000 I mean, it could all be the imagination.

02:33:52.000 It could just be like an archetype that keeps repeating itself over and over again in the human psyche.

02:33:57.000 Is it possible that there's things that can't be proven through science in terms of what we judge as scientific proof?

02:34:06.000 I think it's possible that it could be.

02:34:08.000 I think it's also possible that there could be a whole other dimension that we don't experience in this current state.

02:34:16.000 There might be another dimension where consciousness lives.

02:34:18.000 You know, there might be another dimension where your soul goes after you die.

02:34:23.000 It sounds ridiculous, but so does regular life.

02:34:26.000 Well, your episode on psychics, man, I totally relate to that.

02:34:29.000 I mean, again, I feel like everything's interconnected through energy and that some people may be able to connect with the energy a little better than other people.

02:34:41.000 Maybe they see stuff that's going to happen.

02:34:42.000 Maybe, but the episode on psychics showed more about charlatans than anything.

02:34:47.000 Well, there was part of that, but that's just one instance in which I personally believe that there are people who can tap into an energy that other people maybe can't.

02:34:58.000 It's certainly possible.

02:34:58.000 I can't do it, and I couldn't prove anybody could do it on the show.

02:35:03.000 We couldn't get anybody to show us they could do it.

02:35:06.000 The most psychic thing we had on the show was a guy pretending to be psychic.

02:35:09.000 That was telling us in advance that he was this guy Banachek.

02:35:12.000 Yeah, I saw that.

02:35:13.000 He faked it. 0.74

02:35:14.000 The mentalist?

02:35:15.000 Yeah, he told us in advance, I'm going to pretend to be psychic.

02:35:17.000 He fooled a series of scientists for four years with all these tricks that he does.

02:35:21.000 I mean, he's just a master.

02:35:23.000 He won't tell you how he does it, but he tells you he's doing it.

02:35:25.000 I want to know how he did the...

02:35:27.000 The dice.

02:35:28.000 I want to know how we did all of it.

02:35:29.000 The dice thing, I looked at it and he had his hand in his pocket while I was rolling the dice and I wonder if there's something in his pocket that registers, like he could touch it and it gives him like two zaps for two, three zaps for three, like it lets him know like what the number is.

02:35:45.000 It is possible.

02:35:46.000 It is possible that he does that.

02:35:48.000 That could be a possibility.

02:35:50.000 I don't know.

02:35:51.000 My cousin supposedly can, if you hand him something, he can put it in his hand and he can tell you where it's been and what's happened to it.

02:35:59.000 What, does he smell it?

02:36:00.000 No.

02:36:01.000 He's got psychic smell.

02:36:02.000 It's been up your wrist!

02:36:04.000 Oh! 1.00

02:36:04.000 It smells like shit. 1.00

02:36:06.000 Oh! 1.00

02:36:06.000 Dice the psychic? 1.00

02:36:08.000 Dice the psychic. 0.97

02:36:11.000 Oh, someone here lost a grandmother! 1.00

02:36:13.000 I can see you sucking my dick! 1.00

02:36:16.000 Oh! 1.00

02:36:17.000 Sexual sidekick! 0.98

02:36:20.000 Sexual sidekick! 1.00

02:36:22.000 I feel you rubbing my balls. 1.00

02:36:26.000 Oh, you show what, Dice? 1.00

02:36:28.000 Yeah, man.

02:36:29.000 We did a show with him in Vegas.

02:36:30.000 I was doing the Naughty Show at the Hard Rock Casino in Vinyl, which is this gorgeous club.

02:36:36.000 And, man, that guy packs them in, dude.

02:36:38.000 Oh, yeah.

02:36:39.000 Well, dude, me, Norton, Bobby Kelly, Anthony Cumia, Red Band, and Sam Roberts went to see him at the Riviera.

02:36:48.000 He was upstairs in the big room for... 1.00

02:36:49.000 Fucking killed. 1.00

02:36:51.000 It was hilarious. 1.00

02:36:52.000 Dude, Dice is a master.

02:36:53.000 It was really funny, man.

02:36:55.000 It was really enjoyable.

02:36:57.000 It was an enjoyable show.

02:36:59.000 It was a good time.

02:37:00.000 Watching him do his carols, doing the rhymes on a New Year's about eight years ago was one of my favorite moments of comedy.

02:37:09.000 Because I had grown up on that stuff.

02:37:11.000 Hickory dickory dock.

02:37:13.000 I grew up on that.

02:37:14.000 Yeah.

02:37:15.000 And it crushed.

02:37:17.000 Yeah, he was a big part of my youth, too. 0.96

02:37:20.000 I remember listening to him in my car with this girl that I was dating, just giggling like a couple of retards. 1.00

02:37:26.000 I thought it was so funny.

02:37:27.000 And that was like the first cassette that he had.

02:37:29.000 Remember that first cassette?

02:37:29.000 Yeah.

02:37:30.000 He sold like a gazillion before social media and all that stuff.

02:37:34.000 Oh, yeah.

02:37:34.000 It was on social media.

02:37:36.000 Well, he was really unique in that people could repeat his stuff.

02:37:39.000 You know, Dice, like, you wanted to hear the same stuff over and over again.

02:37:43.000 Yeah, he's like a rock band.

02:37:44.000 Hickory, dickory, duck.

02:37:46.000 Like, people would just start chanting along with it.

02:37:48.000 Oh, my God.

02:37:49.000 Yeah, he was great.

02:37:50.000 People today can't understand.

02:37:52.000 Like, you can't wrap your head around how big he was. 0.98

02:37:55.000 He was so fucking big. 0.99

02:37:57.000 And there was this massive backlash from the so-called liberal media. 0.99

02:38:01.000 Again, people who wanted him to be like everybody else.

02:38:04.000 And they couldn't just accept.

02:38:06.000 And they couldn't accept also that this was a character.

02:38:08.000 Like, these are his real thoughts and his homophobia. 1.00

02:38:13.000 Which, you know, he did say a lot of really rude shit about gay people. 0.99

02:38:16.000 But it was a different time. 0.99

02:38:17.000 So, what was this?

02:38:18.000 Homophobia is okay back then? 0.71

02:38:19.000 No, well, it was just a different way of dealing with it.

02:38:21.000 You know, I mean, people learn.

02:38:23.000 You know, it's like when people get mad at the elderly people for saying racist stuff.

02:38:26.000 Yeah, it's not right, but it's a different time.

02:38:30.000 When your grandma asks you how your colored boyfriend is, you know, you don't throw grandma out the window.

02:38:35.000 It's just a different time.

02:38:37.000 It's not right.

02:38:38.000 Are you a Paul Dean apologist?

02:38:39.000 Well, hold on.

02:38:42.000 Paula Deen, listen, I don't think you should call anyone the N-word except for me in bed, and that's just a true story. 0.98

02:38:46.000 But listen, man, I'm sorry, but if I know the story right, if you're robbing me at gunpoint, Is that what the story was?

02:38:55.000 No. 0.99

02:38:55.000 She got robbed at gunpoint and said some mean shit? 0.99

02:38:57.000 No. 1.00

02:38:57.000 Okay, that's what I thought the story was. 1.00

02:38:59.000 If you rob me at gunpoint, I'm going to say some nasty shit. 0.99

02:39:01.000 I think there was, like, employees involved. 1.00

02:39:04.000 Just call it employees N-words.

02:39:06.000 That's not right.

02:39:08.000 That's not right.

02:39:09.000 Dude, I'm all love.

02:39:11.000 I love everybody, dude.

02:39:12.000 I love everybody.

02:39:14.000 We got that.

02:39:15.000 We got that from you, Sam.

02:39:16.000 That's what I've been feeling.

02:39:16.000 No, you don't.

02:39:17.000 You don't feel that.

02:39:18.000 I do.

02:39:18.000 I feel that.

02:39:19.000 You don't feel...

02:39:20.000 I love everybody, man.

02:39:21.000 I don't care. 1.00

02:39:22.000 But if you rob me a gunpoint, I'm going to say some nasty shit. 1.00

02:39:24.000 No one got robbed at gunpoint, dude. 1.00

02:39:26.000 No, that's what happened.

02:39:28.000 No, she didn't get robbed at gunpoint.

02:39:29.000 There's no gunpoint.

02:39:31.000 Oh my god.

02:39:32.000 Let's see it.

02:39:32.000 What is wrong with you?

02:39:33.000 You have a phone.

02:39:35.000 Dean robbed a gunpoint.

02:39:36.000 Why would you...

02:39:39.000 They asked her, have you ever used the N-word?

02:39:41.000 She said, yes, of course.

02:39:42.000 And they asked her when.

02:39:43.000 Oh, she was held up at gunpoint.

02:39:44.000 She said, when a black man burst into a bank that I was working with.

02:39:46.000 1987 crime.

02:39:48.000 She linked the...

02:39:48.000 Oh, okay.

02:39:50.000 I'm the asshole. 1.00

02:39:52.000 But it was also about her employees were saying, so it wasn't like she stopped it there. 0.99

02:39:57.000 I agree with that.

02:39:58.000 I'm just saying that instant in which that's what got her in trouble.

02:40:01.000 Wait a minute.

02:40:02.000 Is this really it?

02:40:05.000 She passed in the 1980s.

02:40:07.000 She uttered the racial slur while telling her husband about being held up at gunpoint by a black...

02:40:13.000 That's it?

02:40:13.000 That's when she used it?

02:40:16.000 Yeah, I mean, I'm sorry, dude.

02:40:18.000 I'm sorry, dude, because I was saying that you didn't know what you're talking about.

02:40:20.000 It was actually me.

02:40:21.000 But I know for a fact that her employees accused her of doing it.

02:40:28.000 Hold on.

02:40:31.000 Accused her of racism.

02:40:34.000 It started because a former manager sued her, and that's where the deposition started.

02:40:39.000 Yeah, but how does that have anything to do with her getting robbed?

02:40:42.000 She asked her...

02:40:43.000 Okay, hold up.

02:40:44.000 She asked her employee to dress up like Aunt Jemima? 1.00

02:40:47.000 Alright, now it unfolds here.

02:40:50.000 Oh, God.

02:40:52.000 Yeah, this is different.

02:40:54.000 I guess apparently after the robbery by gunpoint, she held a grudge on the African-American community.

02:41:01.000 But it also could be like an employee trying to get paid. 0.99

02:41:05.000 It's fucking hard, man. 0.98

02:41:06.000 But didn't he get dismissed? 0.99

02:41:07.000 Listen, man.

02:41:08.000 Listen.

02:41:10.000 I love diversity.

02:41:13.000 That's a big reason I love Southern California.

02:41:16.000 Everybody's mixing with everybody.

02:41:17.000 I prefer it that way.

02:41:25.000 The Times doesn't specify which, besides that there is a racially offensive term for black child.

02:41:33.000 Oh my goodness.

02:41:35.000 Do you know what that is?

02:41:36.000 No.

02:41:37.000 Nigglet. 1.00

02:41:38.000 Aw, that's horrible.

02:41:39.000 She must have called them that.

02:41:40.000 Maybe I'm just making that up, though.

02:41:42.000 Did it get dismissed? 0.98

02:41:43.000 But come on, how fucked is it that you could write a story about this but don't want to say the actual word? 0.99

02:41:47.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:41:48.000 I don't want to say, but what it is is an offensive word for black children. 0.51

02:41:53.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:41:54.000 Say the fucking word. 1.00

02:41:56.000 Why are we pretending that if the word is so bad you can't say it, then it's magic. 1.00

02:42:02.000 Then it's Candyman.

02:42:03.000 Candyman, Candyman.

02:42:06.000 Let's know what's going on so we know exactly the degree of racism here.

02:42:12.000 Hmm.

02:42:15.000 I didn't realize that she was...

02:42:16.000 I thought she just, like, had used the word before.

02:42:19.000 I didn't realize that she had used it because she got robbed. 0.98

02:42:23.000 When you get robbed, you just fucking call people everything you can think of. 0.99

02:42:27.000 It's when you're dealing with a heckler. 0.99

02:42:28.000 If you're heckling me...

02:42:29.000 That's way worse than heckling.

02:42:31.000 You're dealing with a life-or-death situation.

02:42:33.000 Completely.

02:42:34.000 You're probably freaking out.

02:42:36.000 You're probably so... 0.99

02:42:37.000 Fucking high on adrenaline and fear. 0.99

02:42:41.000 What does it say? 1.00

02:42:41.000 It got dismissed. 1.00

02:42:42.000 Discrimination case officially closed.

02:42:43.000 Judge approved dismissal of the case.

02:42:46.000 So that's the guy.

02:42:48.000 Who knows, man?

02:42:49.000 You gotta look at things like that from a bunch of different angles. 1.00

02:42:53.000 One, if she is racist, that's kind of fucked up. 0.98

02:42:55.000 But two, she's famous and rich, and I'm sure people who work for her look at that as a target. 0.98

02:43:00.000 And there easily could have been something that she...

02:43:05.000 Paula Deen's robber comes to her defense?

02:43:09.000 Eugene Thomas King is the former bank robber who Paula Deen says she referred to using the N-word after he robbed her at gunpoint.

02:43:16.000 King was caught and sentenced to 25 years in prison after the Deen robbery and a separate robbery.

02:43:22.000 He lives in Brooklyn, New York now, and when we spoke to him, he actually broke down in tears.

02:43:26.000 He blames himself for Paula Deen's troubles.

02:43:30.000 I really feel for her, King said.

02:43:32.000 She's being persecuted because of that one little mistake in her judgment.

02:43:35.000 She was acting out of anger.

02:43:37.000 Wow, look at this guy.

02:43:38.000 He really came to grips with reality in court.

02:43:40.000 He had 13 prior convictions for robbery before he pointed his gun. 0.96

02:43:44.000 You need 14 before you can legally be called a nigger. 1.00

02:43:47.000 It's 14. I've seen it. 0.98

02:43:50.000 And he says that he's turned his life around.

02:43:53.000 Good for him.

02:43:54.000 And also good for him saying that, man.

02:43:56.000 That's some clarity that a lot of people are not capable of. 0.73

02:44:00.000 Sometimes people have to actually go through something really fucked up so they can see what they're really doing. 0.73

02:44:06.000 Yeah! 0.93

02:44:07.000 Good for that guy, man.

02:44:10.000 Well, I don't know if that's the only time she used that word.

02:44:13.000 Yeah, I'm with you. 0.99

02:44:14.000 I'm just saying that was the instance in which I heard in which I would tell you that if I'm robbed at gunpoint, I'm going to say some nasty shit. 0.99

02:44:20.000 It's in the heat of the moment, you know? 0.99

02:44:23.000 And even afterwards, two hours later, if I'm talking to my girl, I'm going to be like, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

02:44:27.000 Yeah, that's weird, though, man.

02:44:28.000 It's weird that she gets persecuted for that if it's in the 1980s.

02:44:32.000 I mean, that's 30 years ago.

02:44:35.000 30 years ago, man!

02:44:37.000 At least 20, you know?

02:44:39.000 It's so low.

02:44:41.000 Really?

02:44:42.000 What is the exact year?

02:44:44.000 If it was 1990, it would be 23 years ago.

02:44:47.000 It wasn't today, she said.

02:44:48.000 So it's more than 23 years ago.

02:44:51.000 Jesus Christ.

02:44:53.000 You know, it's like that athletic director at Rutgers who's getting in a lot of trouble for saying stuff...

02:45:01.000 That she had said at a previous job decades before that.

02:45:05.000 And, you know, maybe what she says is rough, but I mean, people change, man.

02:45:09.000 People learn, you know, especially myself.

02:45:12.000 I mean, the things I've done in my life, and sometimes how I treated people, it wasn't right, you know?

02:45:17.000 And I've learned, and I make amends, and I move on.

02:45:20.000 And to be judged by something that happened, like, way long ago, I think that's a horrible way.

02:45:26.000 It is horrible, and it's also...

02:45:28.000 Taking out the possibility of someone improving as a human being and learning from mistakes. 0.99

02:45:33.000 Holding you accountable to something you did 20 years ago or even a fucking year ago, man. 0.98

02:45:37.000 Let's be honest about that. 0.97

02:45:38.000 You're not the person you were a year ago if you're constantly evolving and growing.

02:45:42.000 You might owe an apology for something you did a year ago, but saying that defines you.

02:45:46.000 And a year is kind of stretching it for a lot of people because a lot of people are the same person they were a year ago.

02:45:50.000 But six years ago, ten years ago, are you the same person? 0.96

02:45:53.000 I sure as fuck am not. 0.98

02:45:54.000 Completely different. 0.99

02:45:54.000 I'm a totally different human being than I was ten years ago. 0.99

02:45:58.000 If you're paying attention and you're working on yourself and you're constantly trying to think and look at the world objectively, you're going to grow.

02:46:05.000 You're going to learn from mistakes. 0.98

02:46:06.000 And if you're not making any mistakes, you're not taking any fucking chances. 0.99

02:46:09.000 Yeah. 0.96

02:46:10.000 It's my whole theory I was talking about on stage about how everyone got mad at the NSA. And there was people like, I don't care.

02:46:16.000 I got nothing to hide.

02:46:17.000 It's like, who doesn't have anything to hide, man?

02:46:19.000 Like, are you not living any life?

02:46:21.000 Yeah.

02:46:21.000 That's not the point anyway.

02:46:22.000 The point is not the nothing. 0.98

02:46:24.000 That idea is so silly. 0.50

02:46:25.000 I got nothing to hide. 0.94

02:46:26.000 It doesn't matter.

02:46:27.000 You can't give people that kind of power.

02:46:30.000 Saying something like that is just, without a doubt, being ignorant about human behavior.

02:46:36.000 Because absolute power, this is the old quote, protection.

02:46:38.000 It corrupts absolutely.

02:46:39.000 It always has.

02:46:40.000 When you give someone the ability to look on your email, Snowden was saying that he could just read people's emails.

02:46:45.000 He could just target Sam Tripoli and just start reading your emails.

02:46:48.000 And he didn't even have a high school education.

02:46:50.000 You can't give people that power.

02:46:52.000 You can't give people the power to stalk.

02:46:54.000 You can't give people the power to peer in. 1.00

02:46:57.000 That's creeper shit. 1.00

02:46:59.000 And you don't have to do anything wrong. 1.00

02:47:00.000 I mean, we looked at...

02:47:01.000 I mean, there are...

02:47:02.000 Through history, we've seen people who are profiled by agencies.

02:47:06.000 You know, Frank Sinatra, Martin Luther King, who weren't necessarily doing anything wrong, but they were being monitored.

02:47:13.000 It's like you don't have to do something wrong to be monitored.

02:47:15.000 Well, that's the J. Edgar Hoover days.

02:47:17.000 And before that, of course, the McCarthyism.

02:47:19.000 But the McCarthy era is a classic example.

02:47:22.000 Of people being persecuted and people being singled out and people being spied upon and categorized, these dangerous and divisive groups.

02:47:31.000 That kind of behavior is unconstitutional for a reason.

02:47:35.000 Looking into people's lives is a violation of privacy and it's unconstitutional for a reason.

02:47:39.000 And we have to recognize that there has always been people that are looking to capitalize on the holes that we have in our system and they will create false flags And through those false flags, these events will cause them to clamp down more on security.

02:47:53.000 Which is so interesting, right?

02:47:55.000 It's ridiculous, but it's true.

02:47:57.000 They will create artificial problems so that they will have a solution.

02:48:02.000 Create a problem, propose a solution, get what you want.

02:48:05.000 What did you want?

02:48:06.000 We wanted to be able to control people.

02:48:08.000 We wanted a Norwellian society.

02:48:09.000 How do we go about doing it?

02:48:10.000 Well, we're going to have to have a threat.

02:48:12.000 And you're going to have to have this threat.

02:48:13.000 Let's call it terrorism.

02:48:14.000 Terrorism is a good threat because it's so undefined.

02:48:17.000 It's not like we conquer one nation.

02:48:18.000 And our terrorism problem is over.

02:48:20.000 It continues forever. 0.94

02:48:21.000 And for people who think that's some tinfoil hat conspiracy bullshit, you're really not paying attention. 0.90

02:48:26.000 Because it's happened. 0.96

02:48:27.000 It's happened over and over and over again.

02:48:29.000 Yeah, I mean, even if you talk about conspiracy theories with some people, they can't even begin to understand because they're looking at it through their point of view.

02:48:37.000 My whole thing is, like, if you ever watch the first 48, man, it's this great show.

02:48:41.000 It's sadly about murder and real murder investigations.

02:48:44.000 You see people killing other people for $20.

02:48:49.000 $20!

02:48:50.000 Now just imagine if there was a billion dollars on the line, a trillion dollars on the line.

02:48:55.000 Just because someone's in the suit, they're not standing on a corner, they're going to act different.

02:49:00.000 No, it's all primal, basic things.

02:49:02.000 Especially if they don't have to pull the trigger themselves.

02:49:04.000 Yeah, it's the desire to get as much resources as possible.

02:49:08.000 That's what it's all about.

02:49:09.000 I mean, it's basic human behavior.

02:49:12.000 And if you can get it through the guise of war, it's really easy to get things done.

02:49:16.000 You just hire a bunch of...

02:49:17.000 And now they have mercenaries.

02:49:19.000 I mean, during the Bush administration, they started using mercenaries for the first time in God knows how long, man. 0.99

02:49:24.000 Openly using, like, Blackwater and all these other companies going to do a bunch of shit. 0.98

02:49:27.000 I met those dudes in Afghanistan. 0.98

02:49:29.000 I know some of those dudes.

02:49:31.000 I have friends that went over there and did some work for them.

02:49:33.000 I have a friend who was a sniper in the Marines.

02:49:34.000 He made more money in doing that than he ever did doing anything.

02:49:37.000 He would go over there for a few months at a time.

02:49:39.000 Made like 30 grand a month.

02:49:40.000 Yeah.

02:49:41.000 Come back.

02:49:41.000 They make bank, man.

02:49:42.000 But it's like that guy in Chicago who went around and unfortunately killed all those people shooting.

02:49:47.000 You know what that was about?

02:49:48.000 That was them trying to take over territory.

02:49:50.000 They thought that area, that block or that blacktop was...

02:49:57.000 Another gang's territory, and they didn't care who they shot, they just wanted to shoot.

02:50:02.000 So, they don't care if they take out 13 people, they just want to gain a certain amount of power and resources.

02:50:07.000 Same thing, like, you know, if the government does something where a bunch of people die, whether it's 100, 200, 3,000, 5,000, whatever, it doesn't matter in the bigger picture of everything.

02:50:19.000 Yeah, and they also know that time will continue to roll on, more conflicts will arise, and people forget about it.

02:50:25.000 Constant state of war.

02:50:27.000 Yeah, people forget about so many different things that happened in the past.

02:50:30.000 They forget about different bombs that went off.

02:50:33.000 They're gonna forget about this mall in Africa after a while.

02:50:36.000 People are gonna forget about You know, the bomb that the Iraqis blew up on the U.S. warship. 1.00

02:50:43.000 There's so many different events in the course of a decade of war plus that we've been involved in that they can just tally them all up and push them all aside.

02:50:52.000 As long as there's some new thing in the news to think about, people will keep thinking.

02:50:56.000 Do you feel that this naval yard thing hit as hard as most of the...

02:51:00.000 I feel like it happened and everyone's like...

02:51:03.000 Another one.

02:51:04.000 Yeah, we're getting desensitized, man.

02:51:05.000 Did you see this video?

02:51:06.000 What is this?

02:51:06.000 Of the guy?

02:51:08.000 It's not him shooting anyone.

02:51:09.000 Yeah, it's coming in with all the weapons and stuff.

02:51:11.000 Yeah, it's pretty chilly.

02:51:12.000 I don't want to see that.

02:51:12.000 Yeah, I don't want to see it either.

02:51:14.000 But it's, yeah, this is more where we're used to it.

02:51:17.000 The Aurora, Colorado one, we now kind of forgot about it.

02:51:20.000 We're thinking about a new thing now.

02:51:21.000 People are going to keep thinking.

02:51:22.000 They're going to keep thinking about new things.

02:51:24.000 Keep sticking things in front of their face and they forget about something that happened a month ago.

02:51:28.000 Hey, can I ask you something?

02:51:29.000 I know in England the law enforcement doesn't carry guns, but I know Canada has very strict gun laws, right?

02:51:37.000 Does Canadian police carry?

02:51:39.000 Yes.

02:51:40.000 Yeah, they have guns.

02:51:41.000 I always felt that that was a big issue with gun control in this country.

02:51:43.000 With England, it certainly is.

02:51:44.000 Yeah, England really is.

02:51:46.000 And there's arguments both ways.

02:51:49.000 The problem with guns is like that expression, you can't take pee out of the pool.

02:51:53.000 Once they're out there, they're out there.

02:51:55.000 And in England, they're not out there nearly as much as they are in America.

02:51:58.000 They don't have nearly as many gun violence...

02:52:02.000 We do.

02:52:05.000 And people have the right to protect themselves.

02:52:08.000 It's not like you're going to round up all the guns.

02:52:10.000 They're not going to let you.

02:52:11.000 This country is not going to let you round up all the guns.

02:52:13.000 We've got a sticky situation.

02:52:15.000 I think it's more of a mental health situation than it is anything.

02:52:18.000 I completely agree 100%.

02:52:20.000 This guy, the Aurora shooter, the Columbine kids, they're all medicated. 1.00

02:52:26.000 They're all fucked up. 1.00

02:52:27.000 They're on drugs. 1.00

02:52:29.000 Their heads are fucked up. 1.00

02:52:30.000 Their heads are fucked up maybe before they were on drugs. 1.00

02:52:32.000 Maybe you can't even blame the psychotropic drugs that they're on. 1.00

02:52:36.000 But the bottom line is they're all mentally ill. 0.99

02:52:39.000 That's the common denominator. 1.00

02:52:40.000 Mentally ill.

02:52:41.000 It's not guns.

02:52:43.000 There's a lot of sane people with guns that never shoot anybody.

02:52:45.000 If it wasn't guns, they'd find another thing.

02:52:48.000 I just wonder if people will eventually evolve to the point where we stop shooting each other with guns.

02:52:52.000 Stop murdering each other.

02:52:53.000 Is that possible?

02:52:54.000 Is that a... 0.98

02:52:55.000 There's a lot less murder than there was like in the fucking 1200s back during the Mongol days and shit like that, but it's still... 0.99

02:53:02.000 Yeah, it's a little more civilized. 0.98

02:53:04.000 I always think it has so much to do with people shooting guns, because in the movies, what you'll see is somebody will shoot somebody, and then they'll walk away, and then they'll be able to go shoot somebody else.

02:53:14.000 There isn't an instant law enforcement situation that comes and hunts them down.

02:53:19.000 They're like...

02:53:19.000 One movie with Steven Seagal, I think it was Above the Law, where that one guy goes on this crime spree for like a whole day, and he's just killing everybody.

02:53:27.000 At no point do you see law enforcement anywhere.

02:53:30.000 You know, he just moves on to the next crime, moves on to the next crime.

02:53:33.000 Like, I just feel, people feel like they could shoot somebody and just easily get away with it.

02:53:38.000 Um, what?

02:53:39.000 Yeah, well that was my just tirade.

02:53:41.000 What are you talking about?

02:53:43.000 You equated above the law with a real life situation?

02:53:46.000 Well, I just feel that there's some people...

02:53:47.000 You made a Steven Seagal movie, like an important point?

02:53:49.000 Well, my point, I just use it as an example, meaning that I feel that a lot of people who go off in Chicago, they start shooting people.

02:53:59.000 I think when you watch television or even movies, there's always someone who could shoot somebody and he just walks off and his life goes on.

02:54:06.000 He's never worried about the cops.

02:54:08.000 That happens in a lot of places where the cops aren't there.

02:54:10.000 But that's why I think it happens as much, is that people don't think there's any ramifications for shooting somebody.

02:54:16.000 As much as there really is.

02:54:18.000 Do you know what I'm saying?

02:54:19.000 No.

02:54:19.000 Okay, maybe I just went off on a...

02:54:21.000 This is some weird thing I was looking at in my head.

02:54:24.000 That's the caffeine talking to you, son.

02:54:25.000 I don't know what you're talking about.

02:54:26.000 People know that if you get caught shooting people, you go to jail.

02:54:28.000 Yeah, but I think people think they're going to get away with it.

02:54:30.000 That's why.

02:54:31.000 Really?

02:54:33.000 Who?

02:54:33.000 I think that's a lot of these people who shoot guns.

02:54:36.000 They think they're going to get away with it.

02:54:37.000 You mean like mass shootings?

02:54:38.000 All of them.

02:54:40.000 I don't think they think they're going to get away with it.

02:54:41.000 I think they're on a suicide run. 0.62

02:54:43.000 Well, maybe that guy's on a suicide run, but these people go around, they just walk up and they shoot their drug dealer.

02:54:48.000 They think they're going to get away with it.

02:54:50.000 How do you know what they think?

02:54:52.000 This is my opinion.

02:54:55.000 I'm staying in opinion for the purpose of discussion.

02:54:59.000 We're going to bring this home because we only have a couple minutes left.

02:55:02.000 Oh, it's almost over!

02:55:03.000 It was good to be back.

02:55:04.000 I've never been in the studio.

02:55:06.000 Good to have you back on the show again.

02:55:07.000 Anytime.

02:55:08.000 We'll be back next week, my lovely friends.

02:55:11.000 We have lots of fun guests coming up.

02:55:15.000 I've got a gang of people coming up.

02:55:16.000 Over the next few weeks, some really interesting guests for the month of October, too.

02:55:22.000 We got Greg Proops is coming back.

02:55:25.000 Rocktober! 0.81

02:55:26.000 Yeah, a bunch of people.

02:55:28.000 Lots of...

02:55:30.000 Lots of fun guests.

02:55:31.000 And of course our friends.

02:55:32.000 We don't know what we're going to do for the 400th episode.

02:55:34.000 This is what?

02:55:35.000 97?

02:55:36.000 398?

02:55:37.000 This is 398. So 399 is the next one.

02:55:40.000 So maybe next week we'll hit 400. I don't know what we're going to do.

02:55:45.000 Probably get on Joey Diaz and Duncan and have some fun.

02:55:49.000 And that's it, my friends.

02:55:50.000 We'll see you this weekend, Sam Tripoli and I. And you can ask Sam to elaborate on his Steven Seagal slash shoot someone and get away with it theory.

02:55:58.000 I will!

02:55:59.000 Thanks for Lumosity for sponsoring us.

02:56:02.000 Go to lumosity.com.

02:56:03.000 Tell them Joe Rogan sent you. 1.00

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02:56:10.000 Don't use that. 1.00

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02:56:11.000 Do whatever you fucking want to do. 0.99

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02:56:14.000 It's America.

02:56:15.000 Thanks to audible.com.

02:56:16.000 Go to audible.com forward slash Joe.

02:56:18.000 Get a free audio book and 30 free days of audible service.

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02:56:23.000 Go to O-N-N-I-T. Use the code name ROGAN and save 10% off any and all supplements.

02:56:28.000 Thank you, everybody, for all the love online, all the people that come to the shows, the love on Twitter, and all the cool articles that you guys sent me. 0.89

02:56:36.000 We're all in this shit together.

02:56:37.000 The Freak Party rolls on for 2013. That's the new party. 1.00

02:56:42.000 I'm in.

02:56:42.000 I'm not represented by Democrats, Republicans, or the Libertarians.

02:56:46.000 You can't handle money. 1.00

02:56:47.000 You don't know what the fuck you're doing. 1.00

02:56:48.000 Okay, what can I be in charge of? 1.00

02:56:49.000 The Freak Party, 2013, 14 and beyond. 1.00

02:56:52.000 Alright, fuckers. 1.00

02:56:53.000 See you next week. 1.00

02:56:54.000 Love the shit out of ya. 0.98

The Joe Rogan Experience - September 26, 2013

Joe Rogan Experience #398 - Sam Tripoli

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