The Joe Rogan Experience - November 11, 2013


Joe Rogan Experience #415 - Justin Foster

Topics
Ting cell phone service cell phone operating systems Fairphone and Hulu Plus commercials Dallas comedy scene comedy scene development Boston music scene Boston women Hoggly Woggly's barbecue mushrooms psilocybin mushrooms nicotine addiction e-cigarettes nicotine levels e-cigarettes e-cigarette lounges and stores gold diggers atheism plus speeches stoning people to death for adultery normal Muslims radical religion appeal tattooed microphone implant Bad Grandpa bionic man project Thunder Pussy editing process late night shows bragging
Hosted by
Joe Rogan
Guests
Justin Foster
Mentioned
Brian Callen Ting Bobby Lee Justin Foster Austin Thor Hoggly Woggly Thunder Pussy Joey Diaz Molly Pink Mellow Yellow Zero Joe Rogan Podcast Scarlett Johansson Franklin Barbecue Jack Kennedy Margaret Cho Cherry Coke Peak Lodge Brown and 102 more
JRE MMA Show #4 with Justin Wren Joe Rogan Experience #416 - Ana Kasparian

Episode Stats


Length

2 hours and 51 minutes

Words per minute

200.55

Word count

34,304

Sentence count

4,298

Harmful content

Misogyny

173

sentences flagged

Toxicity

1,214

sentences flagged

Hate speech

123

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

In this episode of the Joe Rogan Experience Podcast, the boys talk about their favorite cell phone brands and the new ones they're using, and what they're looking forward to in the future. They also discuss the new iPhone X, the new Galaxy S3, and the Galaxy S4, and how they compare to each other in terms of screen size and overall design. Also, the guys talk about how much they love Apple's new iPhone 7, and why they think Apple needs to get their shit together and make a bigger and better phone. Joe also talks about why he doesn't want to get another iPhone and why he thinks the new one he's getting is going to be better than the one he got last year, the iPhone 7. This episode is brought to you by Ting, a cell phone service company that uses Sprint's backbone. They have their own rules like no contracts, no ETFs or early termination fees, and they have a new thing they call the ETF Relief Program. If you're paying an ETF, come to Ting and they'll give you 25% of your device up to $75 per device, and you can save $25 on your first device when you sign up with them when you start using their service. So visit ting.co/JoeRoganExperience and use the promo code JOEROGANSPODCAST to save 25% on your bill! and get 25% off your first phone! Joe and the boys discuss their favorite new phones they're currently on the market, the Samsung Galaxy Note 3, the S4 and S3 and the iPhone XR, the Note 3 and the S3. They talk about why they're the best phones they've ever had and why you should get one of those. And how they're going to get a bigger, bigger and bigger in the next one. They also talk about the new Apple Watch and how big they're getting a bigger than the iPhone. and why it's a little dinky. . Joe talks about how he thinks Apple needs a bigger screen and how much bigger than an iPhone is better than a normal phone. And how he's not getting a foldable laptop. The boys are getting a new bigger. We also discuss why the new Note 3 is a little bigger than a 5-inch laptop and a little more like a 5" laptop. Joe also gives his thoughts on the iPhone 11. It's a good one.

Transcript

Transcripts from "The Joe Rogan Experience" are sourced from the Knowledge Fight Interactive Search Tool. Explore them interactively here.
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Toxicity classifications generated with s-nlp/roberta_toxicity_classifier .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
Topics generated with Qwen2.5-3B-Instruct.
Hosts, guests, and mentioned names generated with spaCy (en_core_web_sm), reconciled against Wikidata.
00:00:02.000 Hello, freak bitches. 1.00
00:00:04.000 We're making podcast magic again. 0.99
00:00:07.000 This episode of the Joe Rogan Experience Podcast is brought to you by Ting.
00:00:11.000 Ting is a longtime sponsor of the podcast and one that we have got universally positive feedback from.
00:00:19.000 Everybody that I know that I've turned on to it has saved money using Ting.
00:00:22.000 Ting is a cell phone service, a mobile phone service that uses...
00:00:27.000 The Sprint backbone.
00:00:29.000 They have their own company though.
00:00:30.000 So they have their own rules like no contracts, no ETFs or early termination fees.
00:00:38.000 They have a new thing they call the ETF relief program.
00:00:41.000 If you're paying an ETF, come to Ting.
00:00:44.000 And they will give you credit for 25% of your ETF up to $75 per device.
00:00:50.000 Simply purchase your device through Ting, port your number, then submit your final bill with the ETF detailed from your previous carrier.
00:00:59.000 Is ETF like when you have a contract?
00:01:01.000 Yeah, early termination fees.
00:01:04.000 It's a sweet cell phone company.
00:01:07.000 The way they have it set up, I really enjoy a lot of the aspects of it.
00:01:10.000 One of the things that I really enjoy is there's no overage coverages or penalties.
00:01:15.000 A lot of times if you have one service and you go higher, use more minutes, you get hit with a penalty.
00:01:21.000 They don't do that.
00:01:22.000 They just charge you what you would have used or pay for you what you have used.
00:01:29.000 If you use too much or if you rather use too little, if you say you had one contract and it was set up for X amount of minutes and you use something lower than that, they'll knock you down to a lower rate and then credit you on your next bill.
00:01:44.000 It's beautiful.
00:01:46.000 Cancel any time you want.
00:01:47.000 Brian has the new Samsung.
00:01:50.000 Galaxy S3. There's a naked girl on your phone, dude. 1.00
00:01:53.000 That's Wonder Woman! 1.00
00:01:54.000 Wow, Wonder Woman is hot as fuck. 1.00
00:01:55.000 Too bad Wonder Woman can't be just a big fucking angry fat broad. 1.00
00:01:59.000 But look how small this one is compared to this now. 0.99
00:02:02.000 Why can't Wonder Woman be like a really fit CrossFit woman? 1.00
00:02:05.000 Why does she have to be the sexpot, you know? 1.00
00:02:08.000 It's rude. 0.98
00:02:09.000 If I was a woman, I'd be pissed. 0.84
00:02:11.000 But I'm not. 0.81
00:02:14.000 Yeah, the iPhone looks very dinky compared to that Galaxy.
00:02:19.000 It kind of ruins it.
00:02:20.000 After you go back to your iPhone, it really feels like a little kid's phone now.
00:02:25.000 I didn't think that was going to happen. 0.98
00:02:27.000 Quite honestly, I thought I fucked up. 0.94
00:02:28.000 When I brought that thing, the first weekend I got it, I went to England, and it worked flawlessly over there. 0.92
00:02:33.000 I was like, well, maybe I'll get back home.
00:02:35.000 It's too big.
00:02:35.000 Maybe I'll just get the S4. But then as time went on, it became normal.
00:02:39.000 As long as it fits in my pocket, I have zero regrets.
00:02:43.000 I love that phone. 1.00
00:02:44.000 I can officially say Apple fucked up. 1.00
00:02:46.000 They fucked up. 1.00
00:02:46.000 Yep. 1.00
00:02:47.000 They better hurry the fuck up with this new big phone that they're supposedly making. 0.99
00:02:51.000 Well, the online experience is just way better.
00:02:53.000 Way better.
00:02:54.000 I mean, I was watching Hulu Plus on my phone last night in bed, and it was fine.
00:02:58.000 The screen's perfect for bed.
00:03:00.000 Yeah, it's beautiful.
00:03:02.000 I'm a huge fan.
00:03:03.000 I'm a huge fan of all the Galaxy devices, but just Android phones in general.
00:03:08.000 I have the HTC One as well.
00:03:10.000 I love that phone, too.
00:03:11.000 Apple's made mistakes.
00:03:13.000 The beautiful thing about Ting, as well, is you don't have to compromise on devices.
00:03:18.000 They do have all the latest and greatest Android phones, including the Galaxy S3, or the Galaxy S4, they have that too.
00:03:24.000 The Galaxy S3, the Galaxy S4, and the Note 3, which is the one I have.
00:03:27.000 They have the HTC One, they have all the niftiest, swiftest, new, beautiful Galaxy phones that all the kids are using.
00:03:37.000 Ting, if you go to rogan.ting.com, you can save $25 on your first Ting device when you sign up.
00:03:46.000 So visit rogan.ting.com.
00:03:49.000 Couldn't recommend them enough.
00:03:51.000 Very cool company.
00:03:53.000 And all our friends that have used him have all reported that they've saved $25.
00:04:01.000 I like what they're doing.
00:04:02.000 They're making plenty of money.
00:04:03.000 They don't have to rob you. 0.99
00:04:04.000 They don't have to make you feel like you're getting fucked. 1.00
00:04:07.000 Look how sexy this one is. 0.96
00:04:09.000 If you want to go to the S4, Joe, if you ever end up thinking that screen's too big, purple, S4, I'm kidding.
00:04:14.000 Yeah, S4 is pretty goddamn big.
00:04:15.000 It's still five inches. 0.74
00:04:17.000 You get so greedy because the Note 3 is just like a little laptop.
00:04:22.000 It's amazing.
00:04:23.000 I draw my notes on it.
00:04:25.000 I write them, and it comes out just like you're writing on a piece of paper.
00:04:29.000 And it's pressure-sensitive, or it's a pressure-sensitive phone because I was using it to draw.
00:04:33.000 If you lightly draw, it's just a little light, like a real pencil.
00:04:38.000 And then if you push harder, it gets darker.
00:04:40.000 It's an amazing note.
00:04:41.000 Yeah, I was very impressed with the stylus. 0.99
00:04:44.000 I hadn't used a stylus on anything in a long time since I had a Palm Pilot and it was a hunk of shit. 0.99
00:04:49.000 Yeah. 0.99
00:04:50.000 Remember that thing?
00:04:50.000 Yeah.
00:04:51.000 I still have mine.
00:04:51.000 And my trios.
00:04:52.000 Remember the trios?
00:04:54.000 Palm Pilot's like the size of a thermos.
00:04:56.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:04:56.000 Big, fat, stupid thing. 1.00
00:04:58.000 Remember when we used to try weird things like Dell cell phones and like those creepy like smartphones that... 1.00
00:05:03.000 You know what I mean?
00:05:04.000 Who did that? 0.91
00:05:05.000 Yeah, there was a lot of different goofy cell phone ideas that didn't quite make it.
00:05:09.000 There was a bunch of Sony ones that used some...
00:05:12.000 Whoa, we had some weird crackling.
00:05:13.000 There was a bunch of Sony ones that used some really weird operating system that's not around anymore.
00:05:19.000 You remember that operating system?
00:05:20.000 Yeah, what was that?
00:05:22.000 It was like a business operating system. 0.99
00:05:24.000 God damn it. 0.99
00:05:25.000 It's not Blackberry, but it was... 0.99
00:05:26.000 No, it was something totally different.
00:05:28.000 Trio?
00:05:28.000 No, there was one type of operating system that was getting used by Nokias and a lot of weird cell phone companies.
00:05:38.000 And they had their own little apps.
00:05:40.000 They all got smushed under the hurricane that was the iPhone. 1.00
00:05:44.000 Once the iPhone launched, everybody was like, fuck you, get out of the way. 1.00
00:05:48.000 It was so much better than everything else. 0.99
00:05:51.000 We both had Android phones before.
00:05:53.000 We had the Android 2. It was a hunk of shit. 1.00
00:05:55.000 Yeah, the first one. 1.00
00:05:56.000 What was it?
00:05:57.000 The first Droid.
00:05:58.000 The Verizon Droid or something like that.
00:06:00.000 They were awful.
00:06:01.000 They were so terrible.
00:06:02.000 You'd pick them up and you'd go back to the iPhone.
00:06:04.000 The iPhone was like your friend.
00:06:05.000 Immediately.
00:06:06.000 Oh, my sweetie.
00:06:08.000 I got you back.
00:06:09.000 It's not like that anymore.
00:06:10.000 Now it's actually swung the other way.
00:06:12.000 This Galaxy Note 3 and its huge screen.
00:06:15.000 I'm sold.
00:06:16.000 Did you know you could also, when you're on, they have this thing called Scrapbook.
00:06:19.000 Have you seen this?
00:06:20.000 Yes.
00:06:20.000 When you're on a website, you're like, I've got to remember this website.
00:06:22.000 So you take out the stylus, you circle whatever you want the picture to be, and then it saves the whole website and links the original website and just makes a little thumbnail for you.
00:06:31.000 So you could just go back and have your own little scrapbook of websites.
00:06:34.000 Exactly.
00:06:34.000 And that's what it's called.
00:06:35.000 It's called Scrapbook.
00:06:36.000 It's amazing.
00:06:37.000 It's so cool.
00:06:38.000 There's so many more options, too. 0.99
00:06:40.000 When you start fucking around with all the different things you can do, Apple fucked up. 0.99
00:06:44.000 And the watch. 0.99
00:06:44.000 I almost bought the watch, but I didn't want to see it. 0.99
00:06:47.000 The watch is ridiculous. 0.91
00:06:48.000 It's so heavy and big, and I'm like, it's creepy. 0.99
00:06:50.000 You have a camera on it.
00:06:51.000 Like, what am I supposed to use?
00:06:52.000 This is like 4C. Yeah.
00:06:54.000 It only lasts a day, too.
00:06:55.000 Right.
00:06:56.000 You have to charge it every day.
00:06:57.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:06:57.000 And that has to be cancer of your wrist, and you don't want to fuck with your best lady. 1.00
00:07:01.000 Yeah, you don't want to fuck with your wrist. 1.00
00:07:03.000 Wear it on your left hand. 0.99
00:07:04.000 Yeah.
00:07:04.000 Don't you wear it on your left hand?
00:07:06.000 Oh, yeah.
00:07:06.000 Left hand.
00:07:07.000 It makes it totally feel different.
00:07:08.000 Still, you don't want wrist cancer. 1.00
00:07:09.000 Zombie masturbating. 1.00
00:07:10.000 That would suck so bad if you found out that gave you wrist cancer. 1.00
00:07:14.000 We're fighting with our hands. 0.94
00:07:16.000 Well, if it gives you brain cancer, if you put it up to your head all day, why wouldn't it give you wrist cancer?
00:07:21.000 They're trying to destroy our head and hands, so we only have legs to pull big, heavy rocks for the government.
00:07:26.000 I just don't get the need for another clock. 0.96
00:07:29.000 You've got a clock in that big thing in your pocket, dummy. 1.00
00:07:31.000 Why is it attached to that stupid little thing on your wrist that you're not even going to look at? 0.99
00:07:35.000 Maybe they want you to keep, because it's so big, keep the note hidden away so you don't have to actually pull it out, this big thing, you know what I mean? 1.00
00:07:42.000 Maybe, but then I bet it's a clusterfuck trying to get it to answer on your phone or your wrist or talking in your phone, you look like an asshole. 0.99
00:07:50.000 Here's what Apple has to do. 0.99
00:07:51.000 Apple has to release an exact version of the note size, like maybe even bigger, maybe crazier, and then have the best watch known to man and release both of them at the exact same time.
00:08:01.000 In three to four months, and then they will have destroyed.
00:08:04.000 They can't do that now, though, because they've been cock-blocked.
00:08:08.000 Samsung put out those two items together.
00:08:10.000 Apple could never just copy that.
00:08:12.000 Put out their own phone and their own watch.
00:08:15.000 Supposedly, that might be why they got rid of the old iPod.
00:08:17.000 Remember the square iPod that everyone was making watches? 0.97
00:08:19.000 They immediately changed it to an uglier, longer one because they were like, shit, we don't want to destroy our own watch market. 0.98
00:08:26.000 Oh, interesting. 1.00
00:08:27.000 Well, they're fucking too slow. 0.99
00:08:28.000 And I had an interview with Dave Foley, this guy, and he uses... 0.99
00:08:31.000 Oh, maybe he doesn't...
00:08:32.000 Not Dave Foley from NewsRadio.
00:08:33.000 No, no.
00:08:34.000 Right, right, right.
00:08:35.000 So I talked to this other guy, and he might use Foxcom.
00:08:38.000 And you would think that a product takes weeks to make from sending it.
00:08:44.000 It takes only days for thousands and thousands of units to be made.
00:08:49.000 Really?
00:08:49.000 Yeah.
00:08:50.000 That's how fast Foxcom is.
00:08:52.000 Foxcom's a robot.
00:08:53.000 That's why those people are jumping off buildings. 1.00
00:08:55.000 Yes, the deaf people.
00:08:57.000 Well, apparently there is a new cell phone company out of the Netherlands that's calling itself the Fairphone.
00:09:02.000 I think it's out of the Netherlands.
00:09:04.000 It's not available in the United States yet, but it's all ethically sourced minerals and people are paid a certain wage to make the phone.
00:09:13.000 It doesn't have 4G though.
00:09:15.000 It's got like 3G. It's not quite 4G. Right.
00:09:18.000 Yeah, so you take a beating a little bit, but it's Android. 1.00
00:09:22.000 It's an Android phone, and they're trying to make a phone that you could buy that you don't feel like a piece of shit. 0.99
00:09:26.000 Like if you watch those Vice documentaries and how they get the minerals in the Congo, and you go, whoa, that's kind of fucked. 0.99
00:09:31.000 Yeah, that's going to be like having the first droid. 0.92
00:09:34.000 You're going to have that phone in.
00:09:35.000 It's going to be whack.
00:09:36.000 It's going to be whack.
00:09:37.000 Anyway, rogan.ting.com.
00:09:39.000 Hulu Plus.
00:09:40.000 We're also sponsored by Hulu Plus, which coincidentally Brian actually watched on his Ting phone.
00:09:46.000 Crazy man!
00:09:47.000 South Park.
00:09:48.000 That's the beautiful thing about Hulu Plus is that you can watch TV shows on your iPad, you can watch them on your phone, you can watch them on various tablets, your home computer as it were.
00:10:00.000 Thousands of TV shows and a selection of acclaimed movies on your TV or on the go.
00:10:06.000 What's that sound?
00:10:06.000 Oh, it's the Hulu commercial.
00:10:08.000 Oh, the Hulu commercial.
00:10:09.000 Yeah, look at that.
00:10:10.000 It's so awesome.
00:10:11.000 You can also check out exclusive content they have, including Hulu originals like The Awesomes starring SNL's Seth Meyers and Moonboy starring Chris O'Dowd from Bridesmaids.
00:10:22.000 But if you're a dude and you know who was in Bridesmaids, how dare you?
00:10:27.000 That's what I say to you.
00:10:28.000 How dare you?
00:10:28.000 Actually, I heard that was a funny movie.
00:10:30.000 Was it?
00:10:31.000 Yeah.
00:10:31.000 Was it?
00:10:32.000 Yeah.
00:10:33.000 Hulu Plus also offers a great selection of acclaimed films for only $7.99 a month.
00:10:40.000 You can stream as many TV shows and movies as you want.
00:10:43.000 It's pretty sweet.
00:10:44.000 Go to HuluPlus.com forward slash Rogan and you can try it free for two weeks.
00:10:51.000 So that's HuluPlus.com forward slash Rogan.
00:10:56.000 This is a special offer to all my friends out there.
00:10:59.000 So go get the extended free trial and let them know.
00:11:03.000 What are you doing?
00:11:03.000 I'm looking at these hot Asians they're putting in this commercial.
00:11:06.000 You've got a problem. 0.96
00:11:07.000 Broken person.
00:11:10.000 Anyway, Hulu Plus.
00:11:12.000 So the website, HuluPlus.com forward slash Rogan.
00:11:15.000 We're also brought to you by...
00:11:17.000 Bought to you?
00:11:18.000 We're also brought to you...
00:11:19.000 ByHonor.com?
00:11:20.000 O-N-N-I-T. We have the new Zombie Kettlebells that are in stock now.
00:11:25.000 If you loved the Primal Bells, you will be in love again with the Zombie Bells.
00:11:30.000 Same dude made them, Stephen Chubin Jr., this badass artist who Aubrey hired to make the chimpanzee, the gorilla, the ape, the orangutan, and the monkey, how are they monkey?
00:11:43.000 We also now have 72-pound, 54-pound, 36-pound, and 18-pound zombie kettlebells.
00:11:50.000 Note the lack of poods in the description, as it should be. 1.00
00:11:54.000 Sink the fucking 1200s in Russia. 1.00
00:11:58.000 It just sounded kind of like hipster. 1.00
00:12:02.000 Well, it's just one of those things.
00:12:04.000 The kettlebell community, they love to use the word pood. 0.99
00:12:08.000 They like to be silly. 0.89
00:12:10.000 You know how people love to do that? 0.91
00:12:11.000 I was at a gun store the other day, and I heard people talking, and they all do, oh, I'll lock the AR with the 5'4".
00:12:16.000 People love to have very inside dialogue to let you know.
00:12:21.000 They're on the cutting edge of this particular...
00:12:25.000 Point of interest.
00:12:26.000 So when you talk about, you know, what are you doing in your training with?
00:12:28.000 Well, I use two-pooed, you know, with my swings, and I'm eating this. 0.99
00:12:32.000 Shut up. 1.00
00:12:33.000 Tell me pounds, goddammit. 1.00
00:12:35.000 Don't even go metric. 0.99
00:12:36.000 Don't you dare go metric.
00:12:38.000 What a 34 kilogram.
00:12:40.000 Oh, you use 34 kilograms. 1.00
00:12:42.000 What country do you use that in, fuckhead? 1.00
00:12:44.000 Huh? 1.00
00:12:44.000 You go straight to Russia with your kilograms? 1.00
00:12:47.000 You go to China?
00:12:48.000 This is America, boy.
00:12:50.000 72 pounds. 1.00
00:12:51.000 Say it, bitch. 1.00
00:12:53.000 That's what I'm saying. 1.00
00:12:55.000 We also have some new supplements, including 180, which is our response to...
00:13:02.000 180 is basically the best way you can nutritionally try to satisfy a hangover or jet lag.
00:13:12.000 I want to put this to the test, Joe. 1.00
00:13:14.000 Yeah, get fucked up. 1.00
00:13:15.000 You do anyway. 1.00
00:13:15.000 Just drink it. 1.00
00:13:16.000 No, I mean, take it sober and see if it gets me drunk.
00:13:19.000 No, it doesn't work that way.
00:13:21.000 You gotta hit your head on something.
00:13:24.000 It's basically...
00:13:26.000 The neurotransmitter support of AlphaBrain with the best adaptogens from Shroom Tech Sport, some 5-HTP in there, minerals, all sorts of wonderful nutrients.
00:13:35.000 If you go to Onnit.com, there's plenty of information on the various ingredients and what they hope to achieve.
00:13:44.000 Really fun stuff.
00:13:46.000 I've been a fan of taking AlphaBrain after long plane flights and after if I've had some alcoholic beverages.
00:13:56.000 Either one of those things really can slow down your thinking.
00:13:59.000 And I think that nutrients are the things that spark that back up, especially nutrients specifically designed to improve cognitive function.
00:14:07.000 All of it is explained on onnit.com.
00:14:11.000 That's O-N-N-I-T. Joe, can I get a discount, an Onnit discount for whoever designs this website?
00:14:17.000 Because I want to make my website. 0.99
00:14:19.000 Look at this shit. 1.00
00:14:20.000 Like, you scroll down and the shit pours. 1.00
00:14:22.000 Look at this. 0.99
00:14:23.000 It opens up.
00:14:24.000 Yeah, they're awesome.
00:14:26.000 But he finds great artists, man.
00:14:28.000 Aubrey's a smart cat.
00:14:30.000 On it, O-N-N-I-T. Use the code ROGAN. Save 10% off any and all supplements.
00:14:36.000 Justin Foster is here.
00:14:38.000 He is a young comedian.
00:14:39.000 He is from Texas.
00:14:40.000 And he's ready to get his free con.
00:14:42.000 Hit the music, Brian.
00:14:47.000 The Joe Rogan Experience.
00:14:49.000 Train by day.
00:14:50.000 Joe Rogan Podcast by night.
00:14:52.000 All day.
00:14:56.000 Justin Foster comes from Texas.
00:14:59.000 He's a comedian.
00:15:03.000 That should be your new intro.
00:15:04.000 That is.
00:15:05.000 Thank you very much. 0.99
00:15:05.000 Yeah, fuck credits, dude. 0.99
00:15:07.000 Fuck all that Comedy Central nonsense. 1.00
00:15:09.000 Just hand the MC a card with a song on it. 1.00
00:15:11.000 Just sing this, bitch. 1.00
00:15:12.000 Sing it like your children are in trouble. 1.00
00:15:14.000 A minor, or I'm not doing the time.
00:15:16.000 Hit the high notes, too.
00:15:18.000 Don't crackle.
00:15:19.000 We met Justin when we were doing the Addison Improv a couple years ago, right?
00:15:24.000 Three, four years ago.
00:15:25.000 Longer than that.
00:15:25.000 It's like five or six, I think.
00:15:26.000 Was it really?
00:15:27.000 Yeah, it's been a while. 0.98
00:15:27.000 Goddamn time flies, son. 0.98
00:15:29.000 But he was very funny then. 0.99
00:15:32.000 Since then, he's gone downhill.
00:15:33.000 Yeah, I peaked two years in.
00:15:35.000 Yeah.
00:15:37.000 It was very fun to see that Texas, especially Dallas and that one club, has like a real community.
00:15:45.000 Yeah.
00:15:46.000 We came in, the first time we came in, like we did a show before the show, like Ari and someone else was a part of...
00:15:52.000 It was Joey.
00:15:53.000 It was Joey, yeah.
00:15:56.000 You guys had a showcase night where there was a gang of local comics that went up.
00:16:00.000 Right.
00:16:01.000 And you went up, and who was the other cat that we were just talking about?
00:16:07.000 John Toll.
00:16:08.000 John Toll went up, and there was a few other ones, but you had a real community.
00:16:13.000 Yeah, Dallas has got a good comedy scene.
00:16:15.000 Yeah, it was cool to know, or cool to find out.
00:16:18.000 I didn't know before, so it's always nice to see, like, all you need is, like, one club where there's a couple of funny dudes that get together, and then the open mic night kind of kicks ass every week.
00:16:28.000 People keep coming back.
00:16:29.000 All you have to do, but everybody's so short-sighted.
00:16:32.000 They don't do the open mics anymore because open mics don't make any money.
00:16:35.000 Right, nobody, yeah, that's a problem, is nobody really comes in for that because the headliner's coming in that weekend.
00:16:40.000 Yeah, yeah.
00:16:42.000 So, well, it's not even that no one comes in for that.
00:16:44.000 The clubs, the local clubs, are missing out on an opportunity to raise local talent.
00:16:50.000 It'll save you money, like you don't have to pay for their hotel room, they live nearby.
00:16:53.000 Right.
00:16:54.000 And it also will ensure that you always have a good show, and you could start doing these shows on Tuesdays and Wednesdays where you might be dark, and you could make a lot of money doing that if you just had a real local scene.
00:17:06.000 And that was the cool thing about that club, and they're still like that, but they'll be like, if a headliner only wants to do two shows on Saturday, they'll be like, okay, well, we'll do an 11.30 show, but we'll give it to all the local guys.
00:17:15.000 Right.
00:17:15.000 Like, nobody really does that anymore.
00:17:17.000 Smart.
00:17:18.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:17:18.000 Because if people get off work, like, say if you get off work at 10.30, and you know that there's an 11.30 show, you're like, fuck them, man. 1.00
00:17:24.000 Let's go to the improv. 0.99
00:17:25.000 Have a couple drinks.
00:17:25.000 It's always a good show.
00:17:26.000 The local guys are always good.
00:17:28.000 You know, there was this time in Boston where there were no visitors.
00:17:32.000 Everything was all handled locally.
00:17:34.000 It sounds crazy to people today, but the only people that played, that came in from out of town, were like, Jerry Seinfeld would do a concert.
00:17:41.000 George Carlin would do a concert.
00:17:43.000 But very few comedians came in and did a week at the club.
00:17:48.000 And it was all supported by local talent.
00:17:50.000 And because of that, there was this amazing wealth of local talent.
00:17:54.000 And a place like Dallas is taking that same concept, that Addison Improv, and they were just running with it.
00:18:03.000 Is it still like that now?
00:18:04.000 It's gotten better now because there's another club.
00:18:08.000 There's two other clubs and there's bar shows and there's underground shows.
00:18:12.000 It's a really cool scene now.
00:18:14.000 So important.
00:18:15.000 Every improv should have an open mic night.
00:18:17.000 Someone should just sit them down and say, listen, this is like you're planting a garden.
00:18:21.000 It might actually cost you money the first year because you've got to buy all your It might be cheaper for you to go out and buy the food.
00:18:30.000 But don't do it.
00:18:31.000 Right.
00:18:32.000 Stick with it.
00:18:32.000 Because if you stick with it, you can have a real comedy scene.
00:18:36.000 And then you build a fan base.
00:18:37.000 And so when you've got a headliner that comes in that's not necessarily going to draw a lot of people, you go, well, I've got two local guys who we've been developing for the last three years.
00:18:44.000 They'll help.
00:18:44.000 Yeah.
00:18:45.000 And they don't need a hotel room and they'll do it for nothing.
00:18:47.000 Yeah.
00:18:47.000 And you'll educate people about comedy in general.
00:18:50.000 More people will be aware of good comedy.
00:18:53.000 Yeah. 0.98
00:18:54.000 When a scene develops like that, it's such a cool fucking thing to watch. 0.98
00:18:58.000 Denver, there's one Wendy in Denver who owns the Comedy Works. 1.00
00:19:02.000 She did it all on her own.
00:19:03.000 Essentially, she created the Denver and cultivated the Denver comedy scene with those Comedy Works clubs. 0.58
00:19:10.000 She's got two of them there. 1.00
00:19:11.000 Yeah.
00:19:15.000 Yeah.
00:19:28.000 And Austin's the same way, too.
00:19:30.000 Austin, like, if you go into, like, Cap City on a Tuesday night, it's always a really good show, also.
00:19:34.000 Yeah, and that's a perfect example, because Austin is, like, a real hang, too.
00:19:38.000 Right.
00:19:38.000 Like, comics, like, whenever I'm in town, I always see comics that are also in town, like, hanging out at the bar.
00:19:44.000 You know, guys who are working at the Velveeta room will come over, or what have you.
00:19:48.000 Right.
00:19:48.000 You know, there's clubs that are, like, hangs, where comics will, like, meet up.
00:19:53.000 Yeah, the improv is good like that.
00:19:55.000 In Addison, there's a club called Hyenas in Dallas where they have a big bar area.
00:19:58.000 So they do the open mic and say they don't make a lot of money off ticket sales, but now you've got 40 comics hanging out the bar until 2 a.m.
00:20:05.000 You're going to make money.
00:20:07.000 Yeah, no doubt.
00:20:08.000 And again, it's one of those things where you can't look at it as a straight, flat business move.
00:20:15.000 You have to look at it as a part of owning a business.
00:20:17.000 A part of owning a comedy club, a critical part is supporting the community. 0.99
00:20:22.000 And they fuck up with that.
00:20:23.000 These big, giant places, they don't have open mic nights. 0.60
00:20:26.000 It happens a lot now.
00:20:28.000 Much more so than when I was coming up.
00:20:30.000 When I was coming up, it seemed like...
00:20:32.000 During the 80s, comedy got so big and so crazy that everywhere you looked, there was an open mic night.
00:20:38.000 There were so many of them.
00:20:39.000 They were everywhere.
00:20:40.000 And every club had one.
00:20:42.000 Every club.
00:20:42.000 Stitches had one.
00:20:43.000 Knicks had one.
00:20:44.000 All these different clubs in town had one.
00:20:46.000 And it would seem like every time you would go local or you'd go to a road gig, The local comics would have an open mic night as well.
00:20:54.000 It was like everyone always had one.
00:20:56.000 It was a part of having a comedy club.
00:20:58.000 You had an open mic night.
00:20:59.000 And you would ask guys, like, when's your open mic night?
00:21:01.000 Oh, we do Sunday nights.
00:21:02.000 Oh, we do Monday.
00:21:03.000 You know, it was just a standard thing. 0.99
00:21:05.000 But then they started creating these big, monstrous fucking clubs that seat, like, stand-up live in Phoenix. 1.00
00:21:12.000 600 fucking people. 1.00
00:21:14.000 San Jose. 1.00
00:21:15.000 San Jose Improv.
00:21:16.000 Palace.
00:21:17.000 Yeah, that ancient improv is the most beautiful old theater.
00:21:21.000 It's an amazing old theater.
00:21:23.000 The San Jose Improv, you ever perform there?
00:21:24.000 No, I haven't done that long. 0.99
00:21:26.000 Fuck, that place is amazing. 1.00
00:21:28.000 Fuck, it's so... 1.00
00:21:28.000 I'm there, their 20th. 1.00
00:21:29.000 Are you?
00:21:29.000 Yeah.
00:21:30.000 It's so gorgeous.
00:21:31.000 It's just a beautiful, beautiful old theater.
00:21:33.000 It has a feel to it.
00:21:34.000 When you're walking backstage, this place has been...
00:21:37.000 People have enjoyed things in this place for a long-ass time.
00:21:41.000 But it's huge!
00:21:43.000 How many does it seat?
00:21:44.000 I don't know, 500, 450?
00:21:45.000 A lot.
00:21:46.000 Yeah, a lot.
00:21:47.000 Yeah, like the old Tempe Improv was like 450, right?
00:21:50.000 Yeah.
00:21:50.000 It was about 450?
00:21:51.000 Yeah.
00:21:51.000 Those places, it's hard to do an open mic night when you've got 450 seats.
00:21:55.000 When you've got nine people up front and a 450, yeah.
00:21:57.000 It's hard to also have a local headliner, you know, because you've got 450 seats to fill.
00:22:02.000 You don't really take that chance.
00:22:04.000 You go with a, you know, whatever, Rob Schneider, you know, whatever.
00:22:08.000 You know, you go with someone who has a name, maybe over someone who's a local guy who would be maybe even funnier.
00:22:13.000 Yeah.
00:22:14.000 But it's people don't know about it.
00:22:15.000 They don't know who it is, right.
00:22:16.000 But in Boston, they all knew about it.
00:22:18.000 Everybody knew about Lenny Clark.
00:22:20.000 I remember when I was telling people that I was trying to be a stand-up, they would say, oh, you know, I saw Steve Sweeney last month.
00:22:26.000 Everyone knew the local guys.
00:22:28.000 But Boston is like that with bands, too.
00:22:30.000 Boston supports local bands.
00:22:33.000 Anybody that was like Boston that was big always came back to Boston like Aerosmith and it was celebrated.
00:22:40.000 Yeah, Boston does have a good music, yeah.
00:22:43.000 Yeah, Boston had a great music scene.
00:22:45.000 It still does.
00:22:46.000 They have a lot of clubs. 1.00
00:22:49.000 It's just a smart fucking town. 1.00
00:22:51.000 Too bad it's cold as fuck. 1.00
00:22:53.000 I would totally live there. 1.00
00:22:55.000 If they could move Boston to Texas, I'd move there in a goddamn heartbeat. 0.97
00:23:00.000 You would move back to Boston if just the weather was a little bit better? 0.98
00:23:03.000 Yeah, I would just live outside of town.
00:23:04.000 I wouldn't live in the city.
00:23:06.000 The city's too hostile.
00:23:07.000 You could hear those voices of those women and stuff. 1.00
00:23:09.000 I'm already married.
00:23:11.000 Just hearing them, you'll be at a Target and you'll hear it.
00:23:14.000 It'll keep my pants zipped up. 0.98
00:23:20.000 What are you, queer? 1.00
00:23:23.000 Look at these deals. 0.92
00:23:24.000 There was a girl, we talked about this girl to the end of time.
00:23:27.000 When we were in Boston, she was just drunk and just bleh. 1.00
00:23:31.000 In the audience?
00:23:31.000 No, it was after the show.
00:23:33.000 We were trying to get something to eat.
00:23:34.000 They had one of those street carts that serve sausage sandwiches and stuff like that.
00:23:39.000 And we were all waiting around, and this chick was just so hammered. 1.00
00:23:43.000 She said to me, you think you're all fear factor?
00:23:46.000 Ha ha! 0.86
00:23:48.000 That's what started my hate for Boston women right there. 1.00
00:23:52.000 What was that movie with Christian Bale where he was like the crackhead and it's like the nine sisters? 0.99
00:23:57.000 My friend was having sex with a girl from Boston and while he was having sex with her she goes, You're gonna tell your friends. 0.99
00:24:06.000 That's all he would say. 0.98
00:24:08.000 That's all we'd be out to dinner.
00:24:10.000 And he was just in the middle of dinner.
00:24:12.000 You're gonna tell your friends.
00:24:15.000 It was just so drunk and exhausted and beaten by life while they were having sex.
00:24:22.000 You're gonna tell your friends. 0.56
00:24:26.000 The girls that are from Boston that live here in LA know how to hide it very well, but then once in a while they'll just snip out and go, what the hell was that? 1.00
00:24:33.000 Oh yeah, I knew it.
00:24:35.000 They get drunk and angry.
00:24:36.000 Start scratching you with their nails. 0.70
00:24:39.000 This isn't a market, this Boston...
00:24:41.000 What?
00:24:41.000 Yeah, it's the same.
00:24:42.000 Yeah, something like that.
00:24:43.000 They call this the Boston Market.
00:24:45.000 Come on! 0.61
00:24:46.000 Whoa.
00:24:47.000 Jesus.
00:24:48.000 I went to Boston Market.
00:24:49.000 They have these Coca-Cola machines.
00:24:50.000 Have you seen them where it's like touch screen?
00:24:52.000 And you can be like, I'll have Mellow Yellow Zero. 0.61
00:24:56.000 They make Mellow Yellow Zero? 0.77
00:24:57.000 What?
00:24:58.000 Grape?
00:24:58.000 Mellow Yellow Zero flavor?
00:25:00.000 It's 500 flavors.
00:25:01.000 It's like formulas that Coke doesn't want to spend the money to mass market because it's like, I don't think that many people is going to like it.
00:25:08.000 But...
00:25:09.000 They have now put it in one machine, so you taste all these flavors that are unreleased.
00:25:13.000 Yeah, I've done that at movie theaters.
00:25:15.000 Movie theaters have those. 0.99
00:25:16.000 You can add a bunch of shit in some of the more sophisticated movie theaters. 0.99
00:25:20.000 But I just go Diet Coke. 1.00
00:25:22.000 Really?
00:25:22.000 Not even Coke Zero?
00:25:24.000 I don't want to take any chances. 0.93
00:25:25.000 I don't know what the fuck anybody's doing with Coke Zero to make it all Coke Zero. 0.94
00:25:29.000 What's better for you? 0.99
00:25:30.000 Coke Zero? 0.99
00:25:30.000 They're both fucking terrible for you, right? 0.99
00:25:32.000 I should be just drinking water. 0.99
00:25:34.000 You know how the famous thing is that Mexican Cokes use real sugar?
00:25:38.000 Yes.
00:25:38.000 They're about to change that, and you do it the American formula way.
00:25:41.000 God damn it. 0.97
00:25:42.000 Because there's a couple of Mexican joints in LA that I go to just because they have those bottle Cokes from Mexico that have real sugar in them. 0.99
00:25:49.000 Real cane sugar. 0.99
00:25:51.000 We're such cunts. 0.99
00:25:52.000 We ruin everything. 1.00
00:25:53.000 They're just not fat enough. 0.86
00:25:54.000 People aren't fat enough.
00:25:55.000 They want to add more corn syrup. 0.98
00:25:57.000 Mexicans are just coming out a little too lean. 1.00
00:25:59.000 We need to corn syrup them up.
00:26:01.000 They probably made some horrible deal with some corn manufacturer, some giant conglomerate.
00:26:06.000 Right.
00:26:07.000 Yeah.
00:26:08.000 Somebody should step up and make a sugar cane sugar soda that's not as bad for you.
00:26:14.000 That's probably all just as bad for me anyway.
00:26:16.000 I just had a Stevia-based cola that I bought at Trader Joe's.
00:26:20.000 What are the...
00:26:21.000 Horrible.
00:26:22.000 You know what it tastes like? 0.99
00:26:23.000 Like shitty generic Coke. 0.97
00:26:24.000 Because, you know, Coke and Pepsi have a flavor. 0.97
00:26:26.000 That's why they're famous.
00:26:27.000 And you get like an RC and you're like...
00:26:29.000 Well, this was like generic cola, but then like as if it was sitting out, opened in the refrigerator for three weeks, and then shut back up.
00:26:36.000 You know, so you're just drinking like flat.
00:26:38.000 It's awful.
00:26:39.000 With stevia.
00:26:40.000 It's horrible.
00:26:41.000 Yeah.
00:26:42.000 Tab.
00:26:43.000 Well, Coca-Cola actually uses cocaine.
00:26:46.000 You know, that's not a myth.
00:26:47.000 Is that true?
00:26:48.000 I thought that was a, is that real?
00:26:49.000 It's not a myth at all.
00:26:50.000 They use the coca leaves.
00:26:51.000 And the actual company that extracts the cocaine from the coca leaves that they use to make coke.
00:26:57.000 There's no cocaine in Coca-Cola.
00:26:59.000 Right.
00:27:00.000 But there used to be.
00:27:01.000 But the flavor is still the same.
00:27:03.000 Because of the fact that they used this stuff.
00:27:06.000 What are you showing me, man?
00:27:07.000 This is an old tab commercial that was based on conspiracy theories for tab cola.
00:27:12.000 Really?
00:27:12.000 Yeah.
00:27:13.000 Tab is after my own heart.
00:27:15.000 Bigfoot.
00:27:18.000 Hmm, that's a tab commercial?
00:27:19.000 Yeah.
00:27:21.000 Um, anyway.
00:27:22.000 Nothing screams soda pop like conspiracy theories.
00:27:25.000 Where was I? Boy, I'm thirsty.
00:27:27.000 What was I talking about?
00:27:28.000 Cocaine.
00:27:29.000 Cocaine.
00:27:29.000 Oh, so the largest medical manufacturer of cocaine is actually connected directly to Coca-Cola.
00:27:35.000 They take their coca leaves, they extract the cocaine out of it, they use it for medical cocaine, and then Coke uses those coca leaves without the cocaine in it for a flavor.
00:27:44.000 Really?
00:27:45.000 Yeah, and they've done it forever.
00:27:46.000 That's why Coca-Cola is a very unique flavor.
00:27:49.000 If you compare it to Pepsi... 0.99
00:27:51.000 Pepsi can suck it. 1.00
00:27:52.000 How about that? 1.00
00:27:53.000 I just said.
00:27:53.000 Boom.
00:27:54.000 They're not as good.
00:27:55.000 Nope.
00:27:55.000 It's not as good.
00:27:56.000 Coca-Cola was the original one.
00:27:58.000 They have the original cocaine flavor.
00:28:00.000 And look, there's something to that flavor that's...
00:28:03.000 It's a little bit tangier, a little tastier.
00:28:06.000 There's a little something to it.
00:28:07.000 Pepsi's like...
00:28:08.000 Pepsi's like a girl who didn't need to get a nose job but got one anyway. 1.00
00:28:12.000 Why'd you do that?
00:28:14.000 There should be a commercial for Coke right there, please.
00:28:17.000 Somebody from the Coca-Cola company.
00:28:18.000 Just a guy going, yo, we used to put Coke in this.
00:28:20.000 Not that I wouldn't drink Pepsi in a heartbeat or Diet Pepsi.
00:28:23.000 I don't avoid it.
00:28:24.000 I just prefer Diet Coke.
00:28:26.000 Sanford, Texas, Dr. Pepper.
00:28:27.000 Dr. Pepper's much better than both of them.
00:28:29.000 How about that?
00:28:30.000 How about that? 1.00
00:28:30.000 How about root beer's the shit? 1.00
00:28:32.000 Yeah, bottled root beer. 1.00
00:28:33.000 Fuck yeah, man. 1.00
00:28:34.000 What is that one kind of root beer that you always get at like the really nice delis? 1.00
00:28:38.000 It's in like the old school-y fucking like Abbott Brothers bottle. 0.95
00:28:42.000 Barks? 0.99
00:28:43.000 Oh, IBC. Yeah, IBC. Yeah, that stuff's the shit.
00:28:47.000 They make a diet root beer that doesn't even make you feel like a pussy. 1.00
00:28:51.000 It feels good. 0.99
00:28:52.000 The actual one, though, if you can act, you know, I've been gluten-free for a while, but if I really decide to go on a bender, I'm going to go to that Cavaretta's and get a sausage sub with a fucking real root beer. 0.90
00:29:04.000 You just feel it. 0.62
00:29:06.000 You feel the whole thing.
00:29:07.000 I wonder what they use.
00:29:08.000 IBC, what do they use?
00:29:09.000 It's IBC, right?
00:29:10.000 What do they use in there?
00:29:12.000 What's the ingredients?
00:29:13.000 Watch it be beer.
00:29:14.000 Back in the day, it actually was a beer.
00:29:16.000 Things were a lot funner back in the day.
00:29:17.000 Coke used to have Coke and root beer used to be beer.
00:29:20.000 And heroin used to be legal.
00:29:22.000 Molly butter was actually a really good time.
00:29:25.000 Molly butter?
00:29:26.000 There was no Molly butter.
00:29:27.000 I can't believe it's not Molly.
00:29:30.000 When did they discover Molly?
00:29:32.000 I don't know.
00:29:33.000 Isn't Molly just ecstasy? 1.00
00:29:35.000 Okay, they have corn syrup and shit. 1.00
00:29:37.000 IBC root beer, though delicious, has high fructose corn syrup. 0.99
00:29:41.000 So I think they all do, man.
00:29:42.000 I don't think anybody rocks a soda with sugar anymore.
00:29:46.000 What about New York Seltzer?
00:29:47.000 Whatever happened to those guys?
00:29:48.000 That root beer was kind of weird.
00:29:50.000 Remember New York Seltzer root beer?
00:29:52.000 Yeah, what was that?
00:29:52.000 Cherry Coke?
00:29:53.000 Doctor something?
00:29:54.000 Cherry Coke?
00:29:55.000 Yeah.
00:29:56.000 Cherry Cola?
00:29:59.000 Doctor...
00:29:59.000 And he would make a root beer, too?
00:30:00.000 It wasn't Dr. Scholl's, because that would be gross.
00:30:02.000 Yeah, Dr. Scholl's cherry cola.
00:30:04.000 God!
00:30:05.000 This tastes like feet!
00:30:08.000 I just typed Dr. Cherry cola.
00:30:11.000 Not Dr. Pepper.
00:30:14.000 It was like...
00:30:15.000 You know, it was another deli one.
00:30:17.000 Like, if you went to a lot of delis...
00:30:19.000 You get it, Boston Market.
00:30:20.000 Boston.
00:30:21.000 That's a terrible...
00:30:22.000 Dr. Schneider. 1.00
00:30:23.000 You guys are both awful. 0.99
00:30:24.000 You sound like Woody Allen. 0.99
00:30:25.000 Oh, come here.
00:30:27.000 That doesn't sound like Boston at all.
00:30:29.000 No, it's not clearly Canadian.
00:30:33.000 It's Dr. Something. 0.99
00:30:34.000 You're just naming shit now. 0.99
00:30:36.000 Mr. Thunder. 1.00
00:30:38.000 Dr. Beverage.
00:30:41.000 Is it doctor or mister?
00:30:43.000 I don't know.
00:30:43.000 Mr. Pibb?
00:30:44.000 No, that's...
00:30:45.000 No, that's a Dr. Pepper knockoff.
00:30:46.000 There's a doctor one.
00:30:47.000 Isn't there a doctor one?
00:30:49.000 I don't know. 0.99
00:30:50.000 What the fuck do I know? 0.99
00:30:52.000 Oh, he's pulling me Dr. Pepper. 0.99
00:30:55.000 Dr. Soda.
00:30:57.000 Oh, you're making shit up. 1.00
00:30:58.000 That's it. 1.00
00:30:59.000 That's the one.
00:30:59.000 Dr. McGilligan.
00:31:00.000 You're making shit up now. 0.99
00:31:02.000 Well, Austin is one of the few places that has places where people will wait in line for hours and hours and hours. 0.99
00:31:11.000 Austin has that one barbecue place.
00:31:15.000 What is it called?
00:31:16.000 Stubbs?
00:31:17.000 No.
00:31:18.000 Franklin's or something like that?
00:31:19.000 What is the new one?
00:31:20.000 There's a new crazy barbecue place in Austin.
00:31:24.000 I don't know.
00:31:24.000 Ari Shafir just went there.
00:31:25.000 He told me it's worth it.
00:31:26.000 Really?
00:31:26.000 Is it the place that looks like a house, but there's a line going down the street just to wait for it?
00:31:31.000 Yeah.
00:31:31.000 It's probably literally somebody's house.
00:31:33.000 Yeah. 0.98
00:31:34.000 I fucking love Texas. 0.99
00:31:35.000 Do you miss Texas living out here in LA? I do. 0.99
00:31:37.000 I do, yeah.
00:31:38.000 Like I said, I fought living here like the first year.
00:31:41.000 Franklin Barbecue.
00:31:43.000 And now, yeah, now I enjoy it.
00:31:44.000 Franklin Barbecue?
00:31:45.000 Franklin Barbecue.
00:31:46.000 This is the spot.
00:31:46.000 If you go there, pack a lunch, get there early.
00:31:49.000 It'll take you hours.
00:31:50.000 You gotta wait in line.
00:31:51.000 And Ari was like, how could this possibly be worth it?
00:31:53.000 And then he said, he sat down, he's like, oh my god, it's worth it.
00:31:56.000 Really?
00:31:56.000 How long did he wait?
00:31:58.000 More than an hour.
00:31:59.000 That's not too bad. 1.00
00:31:59.000 He was standing outside for an hour like an asshole in the middle of the summer. 1.00
00:32:03.000 I think he was there for South by Southwest, but Anthony Bourdain waited in line, too, on his TV show. 0.99
00:32:08.000 He did the whole deal like everybody else, waited in line for an hour and a half.
00:32:11.000 He didn't want to.
00:32:12.000 He wanted the full experience.
00:32:13.000 The experience, yeah.
00:32:13.000 That's the experience.
00:32:14.000 The experience is not just eating.
00:32:16.000 If there's a place that always has a line, the experience is waiting in line.
00:32:19.000 Right.
00:32:20.000 Like, I was just in Nashville, and they have some place that on Sunday morning, it's some pancake spot. 0.99
00:32:25.000 You fucking can't get in there. 0.95
00:32:26.000 There's a giant line that lasts hours. 1.00
00:32:30.000 People get there early and they wait for hours.
00:32:32.000 The black guy with a clipboard. 0.91
00:32:33.000 To get the pancakes! 0.83
00:32:34.000 Oh, I thought you said, is there a mist?
00:32:36.000 Like, you couldn't see it.
00:32:37.000 You're like, I can't get in here.
00:32:38.000 It's just a giant fog.
00:32:40.000 Why would you think mist?
00:32:41.000 I thought he said mist.
00:32:42.000 He said line.
00:32:43.000 He said there's a line.
00:32:45.000 Wouldn't you think list would go with line?
00:32:47.000 You know what this restaurant needs?
00:32:48.000 A smoke machine.
00:32:49.000 There's something about mist.
00:32:51.000 I can't get in here.
00:32:52.000 A magic, maybe. 1.00
00:32:54.000 Maybe it's magic that you can make these people wait in line for fucking pancakes. 1.00
00:32:58.000 It's a wizard. 1.00
00:32:59.000 Check this place out.
00:33:00.000 Yeah, that looks so delicious.
00:33:02.000 See, that's what I miss about living out here, because they always have these Texas barbecue places out here, and you get there and it's never as good.
00:33:07.000 Oh, let me fix you up real quick. 0.89
00:33:09.000 Hoggly Woggly's in Van Nuys.
00:33:11.000 Hoggly Woggly? 0.99
00:33:12.000 Goddamn, dude. 0.98
00:33:12.000 It's one of the best barbecue places on the planet Earth, and it's here. 0.98
00:33:16.000 Fuck yeah. 0.99
00:33:17.000 You've never been to Dr. Hoggly Woggly's? 1.00
00:33:18.000 No.
00:33:19.000 I went there yesterday, son.
00:33:20.000 Really?
00:33:21.000 It's incredible.
00:33:22.000 It's in a very shady neighborhood.
00:33:24.000 I'd go to Compton to get barbecued today. 1.00
00:33:26.000 It is legit as all fuck. 0.99
00:33:29.000 Hoggly Woggly's is the bomb diggity dude. 1.00
00:33:32.000 You'll eat there. 0.99
00:33:32.000 The ribs, the brisket, the fucking everything. 0.99
00:33:36.000 Their french fries are legit. 0.99
00:33:37.000 It's so good.
00:33:39.000 It's without a doubt the best barbecue in all of Los Angeles.
00:33:43.000 Okay.
00:33:44.000 Fact. 0.97
00:33:45.000 It's fucking outstanding. 0.98
00:33:47.000 They have like, the bread is sweet. 0.99
00:33:49.000 And when you're eating the barbecue, like with the bread, it's like, oh my Christ.
00:33:53.000 They have buckets of sauce they leave on the table.
00:33:56.000 Hot, mild.
00:33:58.000 Oh my God, it's so good.
00:33:59.000 It's so good.
00:34:00.000 That place is super legit.
00:34:02.000 And the decor hasn't changed since like 1953. But is there mist?
00:34:05.000 Is there mist there?
00:34:06.000 There's a lot of mist.
00:34:07.000 There's mist in your eyes when you're eating them because you're crying because you can't believe how good it is.
00:34:11.000 I drove to Bledsoe's in Compton.
00:34:13.000 They had pretty good barbecue.
00:34:14.000 Oh, no.
00:34:14.000 But yeah.
00:34:15.000 Bledsoe's in Compton.
00:34:16.000 Yeah, it's always good to have barbecue when there's bars on the one side of the restaurant.
00:34:19.000 Yeah, that sounds...
00:34:21.000 You want them knowing where you live?
00:34:28.000 Yeah, I think that there's some places that you have to go to for the food.
00:34:33.000 Have you done chicken and waffles yet at Roscoe's?
00:34:35.000 Oh yeah, I did Roscoe's.
00:34:36.000 It's one of those places.
00:34:37.000 You have to go there.
00:34:38.000 And I did Pink's. 1.00
00:34:38.000 I stood in line for an hour for a fucking hot dog. 1.00
00:34:40.000 That's nonsense. 1.00
00:34:41.000 Yeah, that was stupid. 1.00
00:34:42.000 Pink's is nonsense. 1.00
00:34:43.000 Pink's is a trick. 0.96
00:34:44.000 Yeah.
00:34:44.000 That doesn't make any sense.
00:34:45.000 No.
00:34:46.000 Dr. Brown's.
00:34:46.000 Dr. Brown's.
00:34:47.000 That's what it was.
00:34:48.000 Dr. Brown's soda.
00:34:49.000 Because they have cream soda and then cherry soda too.
00:34:51.000 Pink's is just a regular hot dog.
00:34:53.000 It's just a hot dog.
00:34:53.000 There's not even like a super gourmet butcher shop hot dog where they snap when you bite into them.
00:35:00.000 They're not even that.
00:35:01.000 They're just regular hot dogs.
00:35:02.000 It's that sheep mentality though. 0.93
00:35:03.000 When people see a line, they go, oh, I just gotta do this.
00:35:06.000 I drove by the other day.
00:35:07.000 There was only like two people in line.
00:35:08.000 Never saw that before.
00:35:09.000 I'm like...
00:35:09.000 Two people.
00:35:10.000 People are catching on.
00:35:11.000 I'm like, nah.
00:35:12.000 That's how Entourage did six seasons. 0.70
00:35:14.000 Right.
00:35:15.000 It's the same thing. 0.74
00:35:15.000 Or like the shitty club when they make everybody stand outside before they open to think that, oh, this is a cool place and there's nobody inside. 0.74
00:35:21.000 It's a smart move. 0.93
00:35:22.000 Make everybody stand outside.
00:35:23.000 Right.
00:35:23.000 And then you let them through and they just run in.
00:35:25.000 They go, hey, wait. 1.00
00:35:26.000 What the fuck? 0.99
00:35:26.000 It's like when Six Flags opens. 0.99
00:35:30.000 Go charge it into this empty hall.
00:35:32.000 Yeah, there's some spots that are worth traveling to.
00:35:36.000 Roscoe's Chicken and Waffles, without a doubt, is one.
00:35:38.000 And that's another one. 0.88
00:35:39.000 If I ever go off the gluten diet, oh boy, am I going to fuck up some chicken and waffles. 0.88
00:35:44.000 Who would have ever thought that would be an amazing combination, but it's perfect.
00:35:47.000 I recommend Dominic's by the Beverly Center.
00:35:51.000 Delmonico's Pizza on Fairfax right across the street from another awesome place.
00:35:56.000 Cantor's Deli.
00:35:57.000 Cantor's Deli.
00:35:58.000 Best pastrami in all of Los Angeles.
00:36:00.000 Best eye candy, too.
00:36:01.000 Really?
00:36:01.000 You like those?
00:36:02.000 I mean, just looking around who goes there.
00:36:04.000 You know, you're there at 3 in the morning and the place is packed with crazies.
00:36:07.000 Running to comics there all the time.
00:36:08.000 Seth Rogen was there the other day.
00:36:09.000 I'm always running to people.
00:36:11.000 Last time I was there, I ran into Marin, and I've run into Jeff Ross there.
00:36:14.000 I ran into everybody there.
00:36:15.000 It's one of those spots where it's between the comedy store and the improv, so it's a straight shot to go down there and get it.
00:36:23.000 Animal.
00:36:24.000 Have you been to Animal?
00:36:25.000 It's right next door to that.
00:36:26.000 Somebody was telling me about that place.
00:36:27.000 The place is so good.
00:36:28.000 You would love it.
00:36:28.000 It's one of those, like, I think I want to eat bone marrow.
00:36:30.000 I want to eat, like, a pig's butthole. 0.98
00:36:32.000 You know, like, I want to do whatever you want to eat. 0.99
00:36:34.000 Like, any part of the animal.
00:36:35.000 Really?
00:36:35.000 Any part of the animal?
00:36:36.000 It's supposed to be really good, though, right?
00:36:38.000 Not everyone.
00:36:39.000 Every part, but it seems like.
00:36:40.000 Unusual things?
00:36:41.000 Like, brains and stuff.
00:36:42.000 Oh, really?
00:36:43.000 It's Animal in Los Angeles?
00:36:44.000 Yeah, it's right down the street.
00:36:45.000 Somebody was actually just telling me about that the other day, yeah.
00:36:47.000 Awesome.
00:36:48.000 Yeah, I've heard of that many times, that place.
00:36:51.000 I've heard it from you at least twice.
00:36:53.000 I think someone should be opening up a game restaurant in Los Angeles.
00:36:57.000 Is there not one?
00:36:58.000 Not that I know of.
00:36:59.000 Yeah, there's a place here in Calabasas.
00:37:02.000 That's nowhere near here, but yeah, it's called the something Lodge.
00:37:09.000 Saddle Peak Lodge.
00:37:10.000 Yes.
00:37:10.000 Saddle Peak Lodge.
00:37:11.000 Yeah, it's like on the way over to Malibu.
00:37:12.000 You think people would freak out out here, though?
00:37:14.000 If you opened a wild game...
00:37:16.000 I could just see people picketing it.
00:37:18.000 That's why they hide in the mountains. 0.73
00:37:21.000 There's a point in saying that it's not good because you don't want factory farming of these wild animals.
00:37:27.000 You want it to be... 0.86
00:37:28.000 But if you could have a small restaurant that didn't serve that many people and it was hard to get in, it would be fucking badass. 0.91
00:37:34.000 If you knew that... 0.89
00:37:35.000 Say my friend Steve Rinella.
00:37:37.000 He's a hunter.
00:37:39.000 He has that show Meat Eater.
00:37:40.000 I went hunting with him and I got this deer right here.
00:37:50.000 Right.
00:37:51.000 Right.
00:38:00.000 Right.
00:38:01.000 A small place.
00:38:02.000 There'd be a line out front.
00:38:02.000 Yeah, and you just have it so that these people have some sort of sustained...
00:38:06.000 There's a lot of places in Texas where they have what they call a high fence operation, where they're essentially wild animals, but they're blocked in.
00:38:14.000 They can't go anywhere.
00:38:15.000 And so because of that...
00:38:16.000 They're allowed to control the populations and there's more wild game species from Africa in Texas than are in Africa. 0.98
00:38:24.000 Really?
00:38:24.000 A lot of different species of antelopes and all sorts of different animals that are extinct in India but have great numbers in Texas because these guys create these wild game parks and then you take these places and they set up tree stands and some of them are like real blatant like they have feeders And at 6 a.m.
00:38:43.000 every morning, food comes out, so the animals just gather up and you blast away.
00:38:47.000 I mean, you could do it that way, or you could try to do it more ethically where you try to stalk these animals in their natural habitat.
00:38:54.000 For the most part, you're talking about places with a huge amount of acreages.
00:38:58.000 Some of them have two, three, and more thousand acres.
00:39:02.000 So they're huge.
00:39:03.000 So it's conceivable these animals have never even seen a person before.
00:39:06.000 They're all fenced in.
00:39:07.000 And if you had something like that and cultivated the animals that way, you have like a sniper who works for you, and then he just takes out an animal every day.
00:39:16.000 And today we're having bison that was just killed three hours ago by our hunting team.
00:39:22.000 I mean, that would be incredible.
00:39:24.000 And if people could see how delicious and how good for you that kind of food is, we would really start re-looking at the American diet.
00:39:33.000 I've noticed a big difference in, like, I get as much as I can.
00:39:37.000 I try to buy grass-fed beef now.
00:39:40.000 And whenever I have a steak that's not grass-fed, I notice it in the taste.
00:39:44.000 I notice it in what it looks like.
00:39:47.000 It looks pale.
00:39:48.000 If you have a grass-fed piece of meat, it's a dark red.
00:39:52.000 It's a different color.
00:39:54.000 And if you buy one that's corn-fed, it's like this poor thing is anemic.
00:39:59.000 Yeah, and you also feel different too when you eat.
00:40:01.000 If you eat organic chicken and then you go back to eating processed, you can definitely tell the difference in just how you feel afterwards.
00:40:08.000 See, I've never been able to tell the difference in chicken.
00:40:10.000 I can.
00:40:11.000 Organic chicken and then you go back to processed always.
00:40:13.000 Wow.
00:40:14.000 Well, maybe you're more sensitive to that than I am.
00:40:16.000 Maybe, yeah.
00:40:16.000 But I think there's been a lot of research that's been done on what's healthy for you, what kind of lean protein, what kind of diet the animal should be on in order to optimize the nutrition value of the food.
00:40:28.000 The best is wild.
00:40:30.000 That's the best.
00:40:31.000 They're the leanest animals.
00:40:32.000 Their fat is the most valuable, like bears, like bear fat.
00:40:36.000 They've rendered that down and make these big jars of it and cook with it.
00:40:40.000 It's amazing stuff, especially if the bears have been eating like blueberries.
00:40:43.000 It actually has almost a blueberry tint to it.
00:40:46.000 It's incredible.
00:40:46.000 It's like very highly valued bear fat when they eat blueberries.
00:40:50.000 If you can catch a bear that's been dieting off nothing but blueberries for months, oh my god, it's the most amazing meat ever. 0.93
00:40:56.000 The meat's delicious, the fat is delicious, and it's just so much more ethical than stuffing them into these farms where they're all blocked in and they can't even move and they fill them full of fucking fatty foods and then piss them through the brain, drain them out, and they never have a life.
00:41:13.000 These animals live like a wild animal. 0.99
00:41:16.000 They're running around out there eating grass, eating the natural plants that they would eat, and then you shoot them.
00:41:22.000 It's totally a better move.
00:41:25.000 I support it.
00:41:26.000 I'm down, Justin.
00:41:28.000 I just get so hungry for a reason.
00:41:30.000 Have you ate brains, Joe?
00:41:31.000 Yeah, I've had brains.
00:41:32.000 What's that like?
00:41:33.000 It's kind of like a scrambled eggs type feel.
00:41:37.000 What brains was it?
00:41:39.000 I've had lamb's brains.
00:41:40.000 My uncle used to cook lamb's brains on the grill.
00:41:43.000 Really?
00:41:43.000 Yeah.
00:41:44.000 It was in the 1970s, I guess. 0.55
00:41:47.000 I was a really small boy, but I remember I was always into horror movies and weird shit, and so he, you know... 0.96
00:41:52.000 Wanted to freak me out and show me the lamb skull and that we're going to cook the lamb's brain. 0.96
00:41:56.000 My uncle's very cool.
00:41:58.000 And I remember they spiced it a certain way and would cook this lamb's brain in the skull. 0.70
00:42:05.000 Yeah.
00:42:05.000 Oh my god.
00:42:06.000 Yeah.
00:42:07.000 Yeah, it was really odd.
00:42:08.000 I'd never had it since then for a long time.
00:42:11.000 And then I had it a long time ago at a restaurant.
00:42:14.000 There was a restaurant that had served lamb's brains and I remember I had that.
00:42:18.000 And I've also had sweetbreads, which is some gland.
00:42:21.000 It's a gland of...
00:42:23.000 I think it's a cow.
00:42:25.000 Are you sure your uncle's not a witch? 1.00
00:42:28.000 He's just fucking with him. 1.00
00:42:30.000 This is sweet bread. 1.00
00:42:31.000 Try this.
00:42:32.000 He's casting spells on you.
00:42:33.000 My family's straight from the boat.
00:42:36.000 Everyone was straight from the boat.
00:42:37.000 My grandmother and my grandfather on both sides.
00:42:40.000 My grandfather on my father's side came straight from Ireland.
00:42:43.000 My grandmother came from Italy.
00:42:45.000 Both my grandparents on my mom's side came from Italy. 1.00
00:42:47.000 These motherfuckers ate everything. 1.00
00:42:49.000 They killed their own rabbits. 1.00
00:42:51.000 You know, they ate everything.
00:42:53.000 So sweetbreads is a parotid gland, including the parotid gland, the sublingual glands.
00:43:02.000 It's a bunch of different glands.
00:43:04.000 How do they prepare it?
00:43:06.000 I think they fry it.
00:43:08.000 Oh, okay.
00:43:08.000 I think they pan fry it.
00:43:11.000 I think frying makes everything okay.
00:43:13.000 Here's one that says...
00:43:14.000 One common preparation of sweetbreads includes soaking in salt water and then poaching in milk, after which the outer membrane is removed.
00:43:22.000 Oh, okay.
00:43:23.000 Once dried and chilled, they are often breaded and fried.
00:43:27.000 Okay, so there's a lot going on with these things.
00:43:29.000 See, that's when people needed food so bad.
00:43:31.000 They tried to figure out how to eat everything.
00:43:34.000 Right.
00:43:34.000 You know?
00:43:35.000 They boiled down tendons and shit. 1.00
00:43:37.000 That's why they figured out stews. 1.00
00:43:40.000 Stews were for parts of an animal that you couldn't eat.
00:43:43.000 Like you couldn't choke it down.
00:43:45.000 So you'd have to break it down with a braise.
00:43:48.000 You would braise them and then boil them slowly for hours and hours until the meat finally gave up and collapsed.
00:43:54.000 If you're a caveman, didn't know anything about eating animals, eating meat and stuff like that, and you were just put onto this earth and you had to go, all right, I need to eat.
00:44:02.000 What would I start with first?
00:44:03.000 Would you go right to animal?
00:44:05.000 Because I think I would just grab a lot of Grass and trees and stuff like that.
00:44:10.000 I thought you were going to say people for a second. 0.95
00:44:13.000 The problem is you need fat, especially if you don't have clothes and you're freezing your ass off. 0.99
00:44:18.000 You're going to need a lot of fat.
00:44:19.000 You're going to need fat, period.
00:44:21.000 Fat is energy, especially if you don't have carbohydrates.
00:44:23.000 You're not really going to get the kind of carbohydrates that we get today with pastas and breads and standard wheat-based carbohydrates.
00:44:30.000 The amount of calories that you would actually need from vegetables It's pretty substantial.
00:44:36.000 You'd have to eat, like, pounds, right?
00:44:37.000 Yeah, if you were just eating grass, you would have to eat a lot.
00:44:39.000 I would live in a forest or something.
00:44:40.000 I think I would start off with that, is what I'm saying.
00:44:42.000 I'd be eating, like, mud.
00:44:43.000 You think? 1.00
00:44:44.000 I think back then you'd have, like, two days, you'd be like, no, fuck this, I'm gonna kill something. 1.00
00:44:47.000 Yeah, you would starve to death, dude. 1.00
00:44:49.000 You really would. 0.72
00:44:50.000 But that's what I mean.
00:44:51.000 I mean, if you tried to go vegetables only. 1.00
00:44:54.000 Unless you have a garden, man, fucking, unless you live in a really unique place where they have a lot of naturally growing things you can eat, you gotta cultivate your own shit. 1.00
00:45:03.000 It's hard to find. 1.00
00:45:04.000 I mean, there are edible roots.
00:45:06.000 There's a lot of different things that are almost like wild potatoes.
00:45:09.000 You can eat their roots, and they're very nutritious.
00:45:11.000 There's a bunch of plants you can eat, but getting enough of them and then also being aware of what you can and can't eat. 1.00
00:45:18.000 There's some shit that looks like shit you can eat. 1.00
00:45:20.000 It'll kill you instantly. 1.00
00:45:21.000 Especially mushrooms. 1.00
00:45:22.000 When you start fucking around with mushrooms and picking mushrooms, there was a sad story recently. 1.00
00:45:27.000 This old lady in a nursing home went out and picked some mushrooms and cooked them up for everybody that she lived with, and they all fucking died. 1.00
00:45:34.000 Ugh. 0.99
00:45:35.000 Like, I saw some mushrooms in my front yard today, like those big white ones that almost look like cauliflower.
00:45:39.000 The answer is no.
00:45:39.000 Don't eat them.
00:45:41.000 Lick them first, and then take a bite, and then take two bites.
00:45:44.000 Whatever you're about to say, the answer is no.
00:45:46.000 Yeah, I just always...
00:45:47.000 Those kind of mushrooms, I always wondered...
00:45:49.000 If those were poisons, because you see those everywhere.
00:45:52.000 Yeah, I would imagine they probably are.
00:45:54.000 I mean, some of them are edible.
00:45:55.000 There's places like the Pacific Northwest where people go mushroom hunting, and they're confident enough, like, there's some mushrooms that are so easy to poke out, or point out, rather, that you can go, okay, this one we can eat.
00:46:07.000 It doesn't look like anything you can't eat, and there's a few that are like that.
00:46:11.000 People grow them, too. 0.99
00:46:12.000 They love to grow, like, shiitakes and shit. 0.99
00:46:14.000 I did it once. 0.99
00:46:15.000 There's, like, a kit you buy at the supermarket, and you basically just, like, put some water on it or something like that and leave it somewhere, and they start growing.
00:46:21.000 I mean, they want to grow.
00:46:24.000 It's pretty easy to make a mushroom grow.
00:46:26.000 Yeah. 0.99
00:46:26.000 They grow quick as fuck, too. 0.99
00:46:27.000 I think it needs shit, though. 1.00
00:46:28.000 Like, a lot of feces and... 1.00
00:46:30.000 That helps. 0.99
00:46:31.000 It's not just shit, though. 1.00
00:46:33.000 It has to be shit from a cow. 1.00
00:46:35.000 And it has to be the way a double-stomached animal eats. 1.00
00:46:40.000 Their shit comes out nice and loose, and it's got a lot of air in it. 1.00
00:46:46.000 Like an alcoholic's shit. 1.00
00:46:48.000 You can't... 1.00
00:46:50.000 You can't have alcohol.
00:46:52.000 They wouldn't grow well in alcohol.
00:46:53.000 And just a human diet is no good.
00:46:55.000 It's not going to grow in meat.
00:46:56.000 It wants to grow in plants that have been smashed up and passed through the stomach of, I think it's called a double onulate animal or onulate animal.
00:47:05.000 These wild cows.
00:47:07.000 And that's the whole idea with the psilocybin mushrooms. 1.00
00:47:09.000 They always grow on cow shit. 1.00
00:47:10.000 These big, fucking huge, plate-sized mushrooms will grow in the Amazon on cow shit, and they look like UFOs landing in a field. 1.00
00:47:19.000 That's one of the reasons why the idea came to a lot of people's heads that really tripped hard, was that they were communicating with another life form that came here in an asteroid. 0.99
00:47:29.000 I can tell you what makes sense at the time.
00:47:31.000 It doesn't just make sense at the time, unfortunately.
00:47:33.000 It makes sense, like, chemically.
00:47:35.000 Yeah.
00:47:35.000 Because spores can survive in a vacuum.
00:47:37.000 Right, yeah.
00:47:38.000 And apparently the chemical composition of psilocybin is very unique.
00:47:41.000 There's nothing quite like it.
00:47:45.000 It's like 4-fox-4-aloxy-NN-dimethyltryptamine.
00:47:48.000 I know I said that wrong.
00:47:49.000 But whatever it is, I was listening to a lecture once by Terrence McKenna, and he was saying that there's no other plant like that that has the phosphorus in the 4 position, and then it It's really possible that it could have come on an asteroid from another planet.
00:48:04.000 Wow.
00:48:04.000 It's spores survive in a vacuum.
00:48:06.000 Apparently you could take some mushroom spores, like it doesn't have to be psychedelic, like shiitake, whatever, put them on a fucking asteroid, shoot it into space, and they'll live. 0.97
00:48:15.000 They'll land somewhere, boom, and make a little mushroom farm. 0.98
00:48:18.000 Did you see that asteroid or whatever the fuck it was over L.A. the other day? 0.52
00:48:21.000 Yeah, what was that supposed to be? 0.94
00:48:22.000 Did they say it was a satellite coming in?
00:48:24.000 Didn't they say it was a satellite burning up?
00:48:25.000 No, I don't think so.
00:48:26.000 Last I heard it was a...
00:48:28.000 They said it was an asteroid, yeah.
00:48:29.000 It was an asteroid?
00:48:30.000 That's what they said.
00:48:32.000 All these people were coming in, like comics and stuff, like...
00:48:34.000 Man, we just saw something crazy.
00:48:36.000 It was like a fireball coming right over us.
00:48:37.000 And I'm like, oh no, have you checked Twitter yet?
00:48:39.000 And he's like, no.
00:48:40.000 You mean I wasn't the only one that saw it?
00:48:42.000 And then on Twitter, it just blew up.
00:48:43.000 See, that's so weird. 0.99
00:48:44.000 Just moving to LA a year, I see shit, and I don't even know what's real anymore. 0.97
00:48:48.000 I saw an explosion the other day, and I'm like, I don't know if I should call anybody or if they're just filming a movie. 0.99
00:48:53.000 And so, like, you see shit falling from the sky, you go, I don't fucking know what that is. 0.99
00:48:56.000 This animal place doesn't even have a sign. 0.99
00:48:59.000 They have no sign in front of the restaurant.
00:49:00.000 I know.
00:49:01.000 Try to be slick.
00:49:02.000 You just have to walk. 1.00
00:49:03.000 Dirty bitch. 1.00
00:49:04.000 This is what they have. 1.00
00:49:04.000 Chicken liver toast. 1.00
00:49:08.000 Spicy beef tendon chip. 0.99
00:49:11.000 Yeah, they got weird shit. 1.00
00:49:12.000 Pigtails. 1.00
00:49:13.000 Pig ears.
00:49:15.000 Heirloom tomatoes. 0.99
00:49:17.000 Veal brains.
00:49:19.000 Dude, this place makes me hungry. 0.99
00:49:21.000 Crispy pig head? 0.95
00:49:22.000 I'm in.
00:49:25.000 Veal tongue?
00:49:26.000 Charred octopus?
00:49:27.000 This place might be the greatest place in the history of the world.
00:49:30.000 Dude, I'm telling you man, it's my favorite restaurant.
00:49:31.000 Fried rabbit legs?
00:49:34.000 Oh my god, this is incredible.
00:49:36.000 That's great.
00:49:37.000 And they're really nice people over there, too. 1.00
00:49:39.000 That Saddle Peak Lodge, if you've never been there, that place is the shit. 0.99
00:49:42.000 They serve elk and venison and duck, and they serve game food. 0.99
00:49:49.000 But I think that would be the ultimate restaurant.
00:49:51.000 That would be the ultimate community where you lived with a bunch of people.
00:49:56.000 See, I watch these Alaska shows.
00:49:58.000 I love Life Below Zero.
00:50:01.000 You ever seen that one?
00:50:02.000 Mm-mm.
00:50:02.000 It's great.
00:50:03.000 It's a new show I'm watching.
00:50:04.000 I think it's on the History Channel.
00:50:05.000 Or no, Nat Geo.
00:50:07.000 And they go out and most of these people are just living off the land.
00:50:11.000 They're just out shooting seals and shooting caribou.
00:50:14.000 And they barter. 1.00
00:50:16.000 They give each other stuff like they were trading frozen fish for fucking seal oil. 0.99
00:50:21.000 And they dip their food in seal oil. 0.99
00:50:24.000 It's craziness.
00:50:25.000 But what's fascinating is no one ever goes to the supermarket.
00:50:29.000 All their food, they either grow or they kill.
00:50:32.000 Everything.
00:50:32.000 Everybody in the whole village.
00:50:34.000 And they all share.
00:50:35.000 They have meals together.
00:50:37.000 They barter.
00:50:38.000 They give each other, like, I'll give you some caribou.
00:50:40.000 You give me some of this.
00:50:41.000 I need a band for my snowmobile.
00:50:46.000 One of the guys blew one of his belts.
00:50:48.000 The other guy gave him a snowmobile belt.
00:50:50.000 He gave him, like, a side of caribou.
00:50:52.000 It's a lot of work.
00:50:53.000 This is amazing.
00:50:54.000 I'm too lazy.
00:50:55.000 I didn't even go grocery shopping.
00:50:56.000 It's a lot of work, but...
00:50:58.000 I literally made a sandwich the last piece of the toast the other day.
00:51:01.000 The last piece of bread.
00:51:02.000 I couldn't go kill caribou.
00:51:04.000 You could, though.
00:51:05.000 If you needed food, you could do it.
00:51:08.000 I had cereal with water.
00:51:10.000 Just the powdered crumbs from the end of the box?
00:51:13.000 It works with certain cereals.
00:51:15.000 That's not bad.
00:51:16.000 Calchocula.
00:51:17.000 I can't even go get more Lucky Charms.
00:51:18.000 I'm going to go shoot a salmon.
00:51:20.000 Yeah, something like Count Chocchio that has a coating on the outside of it, you'd see how the water would work.
00:51:26.000 You ever have raw milk?
00:51:29.000 No, I've used milk that was really questionable, though, because I didn't want to go get more.
00:51:33.000 That's not the same.
00:51:35.000 That's not the same.
00:51:36.000 This is probably bad, but you know what?
00:51:38.000 The grocery store is about a block away.
00:51:39.000 That's where yogurt comes from, though, right?
00:51:41.000 Yeah, it does.
00:51:42.000 I just found that out, and I eat so much yogurt.
00:51:44.000 You just found that out.
00:51:45.000 Were you 12?
00:51:46.000 I'm not a smart man.
00:51:47.000 I just found out yogurt doesn't come from a yogurt tree.
00:51:50.000 Wait, cheese is mold?
00:51:51.000 Hold on a minute!
00:51:54.000 What is this butter exactly?
00:51:56.000 It's made out of milk?
00:51:58.000 Oh, come on! 0.99
00:52:00.000 Milk's not hard!
00:52:02.000 Dude, you grew up in Texas, didn't you?
00:52:04.000 Yeah, well, we didn't eat yogurt there.
00:52:06.000 Didn't you eat wild pigs?
00:52:07.000 No yogurt.
00:52:08.000 You're eating yogurt?
00:52:09.000 Eat some wild bacon.
00:52:10.000 Right.
00:52:11.000 Put some bacon in that yogurt. 0.99
00:52:12.000 This is some boar dick on toast. 0.99
00:52:15.000 Come on, boy. 0.99
00:52:17.000 I was watching a special episode of Meat Eater the other day where he was cooking up deer balls.
00:52:21.000 Talking about how people always throw them away and you really shouldn't.
00:52:24.000 It's a waste of the deer balls.
00:52:26.000 He's pan frying these deer balls and slicing them up.
00:52:29.000 Apparently they're quite delicious.
00:52:31.000 Would you do it?
00:52:32.000 Would you try it? 1.00
00:52:33.000 Fuck yeah, I'd eat it. 1.00
00:52:33.000 Fuck yeah. 1.00
00:52:34.000 Dude, I hosted Fear Factor for six years. 1.00
00:52:36.000 You can't freak me out when it comes to food.
00:52:39.000 I have a very different sense of what's gross.
00:52:43.000 This girl puked in front of me. 1.00
00:52:45.000 She's like, I need a trash can. 1.00
00:52:46.000 I need a trash can. 0.96
00:52:47.000 So I ran and grabbed her a trash can. 1.00
00:52:48.000 We had both been drinking a lot of Patron.
00:52:50.000 And I gave it to her.
00:52:52.000 She pukes.
00:52:53.000 And we had Mexican before. 0.99
00:52:54.000 And it smelled like Mexican and vomit. 1.00
00:52:56.000 She's like, get it away from me. 0.85
00:52:57.000 It smells.
00:52:57.000 And I'm like...
00:52:58.000 I started puking.
00:53:00.000 And she's like, I need it back.
00:53:01.000 And it was just like South Park.
00:53:03.000 And it's not about where the story begins.
00:53:04.000 So this girl threw up in front of me the other day. 1.00
00:53:06.000 That's how Brian's living.
00:53:08.000 By the way, he's 40. Yeah, there's something about puke that makes you want to puke too.
00:53:15.000 That instinct has totally been removed from me.
00:53:18.000 Really?
00:53:18.000 Because of the show?
00:53:19.000 Yeah, I saw so many people throw up.
00:53:21.000 It doesn't do anything to me.
00:53:23.000 It doesn't make me flinch.
00:53:24.000 When I was a kid, I was the first guy, if someone threw up in the hallway, I was the first guy to start dry heaving.
00:53:30.000 I threw up, the first season of Fear Factor, I threw up watching it on TV. I watched something that I was there for in real life and I didn't throw up, but watching it on TV, I threw up.
00:53:41.000 But then, by the time season three rolled around, dude, I was an OG. Yeah.
00:53:46.000 I was a veteran.
00:53:51.000 Yeah, I've cleaned people's puke up for them.
00:53:54.000 I think the last time I threw up was Patron.
00:53:57.000 That'll get you.
00:53:58.000 That stuff will get you.
00:53:59.000 Patron's evil.
00:54:00.000 Well, your body realizes you've taken in way too much poison too quickly.
00:54:04.000 You're not sipping. 0.99
00:54:05.000 You're just slamming it down, and it's strong as fuck. 0.98
00:54:09.000 Next thing you know, your eye vision's not good. 0.99
00:54:12.000 And your mouth gets dry, and...
00:54:14.000 Can't stay stable.
00:54:16.000 Start sweating.
00:54:16.000 Wobbling from side to side.
00:54:18.000 What are you two fucks over there doing? 1.00
00:54:19.000 He keeps on trying to get me in trouble. 0.99
00:54:20.000 What are you doing, Jamie?
00:54:22.000 What?
00:54:23.000 It's the two girls.
00:54:25.000 Oh, yeah.
00:54:26.000 I had to turn away from that three times.
00:54:28.000 I almost threw up.
00:54:29.000 Yeah.
00:54:29.000 We don't have to watch this.
00:54:30.000 I almost threw up watching you watch that.
00:54:33.000 Yeah, it was rough.
00:54:36.000 People are like, did you guys stage that?
00:54:38.000 Absolutely not.
00:54:39.000 Both of them were real. 0.99
00:54:40.000 That was real, and then Brian watching dudes cut their dicks off. 0.99
00:54:43.000 That's so much worse. 0.99
00:54:45.000 I would agree.
00:54:46.000 I would agree with that.
00:54:47.000 Correct.
00:54:47.000 Yeah.
00:54:48.000 Yeah, getting your dick cut off is always a bad move. 1.00
00:54:51.000 You notice that there hasn't been a shocking video in a while. 1.00
00:54:54.000 Oh, yes there is.
00:54:55.000 What?
00:54:55.000 You just don't look.
00:54:58.000 I mean, minus beheadings, because I don't know if you've heard the whole Facebook beheading drama that's been going on, but that was fucked up. 0.99
00:55:06.000 Like a girl getting her head chopped off because she cheated on her husband. 1.00
00:55:08.000 Yeah, I saw that.
00:55:09.000 You watch that?
00:55:10.000 Yeah, the Mexican drug cartel videos are intense, man.
00:55:13.000 Where do you find these?
00:55:15.000 They don't put them on Facebook.
00:55:18.000 Oh, yeah.
00:55:19.000 People will throw a link up.
00:55:21.000 It's one of those things where people just start talking about it and you get it.
00:55:24.000 My Twitter has 1.17 million people or some shit like that. 0.53
00:55:30.000 So when you have that many, they know what I like. 0.99
00:55:34.000 They know I like watching fucked up things. 0.98
00:55:36.000 I don't like the violence and death stuff, but every now and then I like watching someone do something retarded. 1.00
00:55:43.000 So will you walk me through what happens in that video?
00:55:45.000 Because obviously I'm not watching that video.
00:55:46.000 You don't want to watch it.
00:55:47.000 It's rough.
00:55:48.000 Was it noises?
00:55:49.000 Was there gurgling?
00:55:50.000 Was there screams?
00:55:50.000 It's shockingly quiet, but it's intense.
00:55:53.000 And it's 100% real?
00:55:54.000 Oh yeah, there's no doubt about it.
00:55:55.000 They cut this woman's head clean off. 1.00
00:55:57.000 Oh shit. 1.00
00:55:58.000 Yeah, and he did it with a small knife. 1.00
00:56:00.000 What?
00:56:01.000 He just reached into her neck and started cutting. 0.97
00:56:03.000 Grabbed her by her head.
00:56:04.000 I mean, it was hardcore, man.
00:56:05.000 And it didn't take long.
00:56:07.000 Her head was removed in a minute or so.
00:56:10.000 I'm not...
00:56:11.000 Yeah, it's hard to watch, man.
00:56:13.000 And there's a lot of these videos, too.
00:56:15.000 There's not just one of these videos.
00:56:17.000 These drug cartel videos, man, they never even existed before.
00:56:21.000 It's so crazy, like, the climate of Mexico and how much it's changed, and that you could see it all documented on some of these videos.
00:56:29.000 And it's moving up here to L.A., man.
00:56:31.000 Did you see that it is?
00:56:32.000 I think so. 1.00
00:56:33.000 Just so much crazy shit going on and out. 0.99
00:56:35.000 L.A., our friend Kayla, you know Kayla from Dysentery? 0.99
00:56:38.000 Yeah.
00:56:38.000 Somebody hit her car yesterday or two days ago and then took off.
00:56:42.000 And so she went on this high-speed chase throughout Hollywood going wrong ways in the streets, going like, you know, just chasing this person down to take a photo of it and then like...
00:56:50.000 It was just gang members pretty much in a new car, you know, and they finally got them over and they got out of the car and took a picture of the person and the license plate and Maybe some drama happened and then drove off again.
00:57:03.000 And then they went down this dark street in a warehouse in a really shady neighborhood.
00:57:08.000 And Kayla's like, I'm done.
00:57:10.000 I'm not going down there.
00:57:11.000 But it was just like, what could have happened to her?
00:57:13.000 She went down that... 0.99
00:57:13.000 Well, you're not supposed to chase people anyway. 0.99
00:57:16.000 If your car is good enough to drive, that means you didn't get hit hard enough so you could be chasing somebody. 0.96
00:57:22.000 It's ridiculous. 0.97
00:57:23.000 What are you trying to do? 1.00
00:57:24.000 Are you trying to get yourself killed? 0.99
00:57:25.000 She wanted to get the license plate. 0.97
00:57:27.000 Call the police.
00:57:28.000 Call the police immediately and tell them what direction and where they're at.
00:57:31.000 You'd be amazed at how many cops are out there.
00:57:33.000 And a lot of times, they can head someone off, especially if someone's driving fast.
00:57:38.000 They were on the phone with the police the whole time.
00:57:39.000 Oh, okay.
00:57:40.000 Did they catch them?
00:57:42.000 They got the license plate, but that's it.
00:57:44.000 There was one point, though, I guess they were going fast, and this guy was going like 80 miles an hour, went over one of those little hill things, and the guy flew up in there like four feet and came down, and all those sparks and fire came out.
00:57:53.000 Wow.
00:57:54.000 Yeah, dude thought he was on the Duke's Hazard.
00:57:56.000 You know, I got robbed.
00:57:57.000 My friend Justin Martindale got robbed.
00:57:59.000 You know, this place is crazy.
00:58:01.000 Well, if you're out at night, man, that's the reality.
00:58:03.000 If you're out at night and you're wandering around, especially if you've been drinking, you know, people look at you like you're a victim.
00:58:10.000 When you have poor people and rich people all mingling together, and Los Angeles has a massive amount of people that are impoverished, a massive amount.
00:58:17.000 There's 20 million people here.
00:58:19.000 Who knows how many of them are living below the poverty line?
00:58:22.000 It's a lot. 0.95
00:58:22.000 And if you're flossing in Hollywood and everyone knows where they can find you, you know, if you're some fucking baller character who's flashing some cash around at the sky bar and people could find you and clock you and watch you and follow you to your car, they're going to rob you. 0.95
00:58:36.000 There's a lot of that going on. 0.94
00:58:38.000 It might happen only every now and again.
00:58:40.000 It's amazing.
00:58:41.000 It doesn't happen more than it does.
00:58:43.000 It's scary.
00:58:44.000 It is scary.
00:58:45.000 Well, it's scary and it's an issue that our society doesn't face.
00:58:48.000 Our society doesn't face the fact that there's people that grow up with no shot. 1.00
00:58:52.000 They're fucked from the jump. 1.00
00:58:53.000 Shitty roll of the dice. 1.00
00:58:55.000 Terrible hand.
00:58:56.000 Being born in incredibly impoverished neighborhoods and there's very little support. 1.00
00:59:01.000 They're just left in their parents' hands and their parents are morons. 1.00
00:59:05.000 I mean, that's the reality of babies growing up in poor neighborhoods. 1.00
00:59:09.000 I didn't even think of it like that, because L.A. is rich and poor on top of each other.
00:59:13.000 Oh, yeah.
00:59:14.000 Well, not only that, but disconnected from each other.
00:59:17.000 Right.
00:59:18.000 Which is different than New York.
00:59:19.000 In New York, poor people and rich people all sort of mingle together on the subway, mingle together walking down the street.
00:59:25.000 There's like a more human approach to...
00:59:32.000 It's more diversified.
00:59:35.000 You run into everybody in New York.
00:59:37.000 I find that it's easier to be in your own little world in LA. You get in your own little car, you stay in your own little neighborhood.
00:59:44.000 You don't interact with people.
00:59:45.000 In New York, you're forced to.
00:59:47.000 It's just a part of life in New York, and I think that's a healthier thing.
00:59:50.000 I think it's healthier.
00:59:52.000 People have less fear of each other.
00:59:53.000 People understand that we have much more in common that way.
00:59:57.000 It seems like it would be a contradiction because most people think that Los Angeles or California in general is nicer than New York, but I think a lot of that is just the weather.
01:00:06.000 The weather here is as nice as is humanly possible.
01:00:10.000 Dude, I was just in Edmonton. 0.98
01:00:12.000 It was fucking 9 degrees. 0.99
01:00:14.000 It was snowing. 0.99
01:00:15.000 It was an amazing show.
01:00:17.000 Had a great time.
01:00:18.000 Came back to LA, 84. Bitch, suck upon it. 1.00
01:00:21.000 At the end of November. 1.00
01:00:22.000 Convertible.
01:00:23.000 Driving it.
01:00:23.000 Dudes are driving convertibles with their sunglasses on, getting head cancer, smiling.
01:00:29.000 Head cancer.
01:00:30.000 Oh yeah.
01:00:30.000 It's amazing.
01:00:32.000 This is an amazing spot.
01:00:33.000 And I think just that alone is responsible for a lot of the mood of the people in Los Angeles.
01:00:40.000 I think that alone helps a lot.
01:00:43.000 Yeah, it's hard to be depressed when you go outside and the weather's absolutely perfect.
01:00:47.000 Yeah, but then you get a call from an agent saying they passed again.
01:00:50.000 Right. 1.00
01:00:51.000 And you're like, fuck, my career's in the toilet. 1.00
01:00:55.000 It's a lot of depression in L.A. because of just ridiculous expectations. 1.00
01:00:58.000 Right, that's what I'm saying.
01:00:59.000 If the weather was worse here with the desperation in this town, it would be a lot more.
01:01:04.000 I know a girl that moved out here just recently. 0.54
01:01:07.000 And when I first met her, everything was going great.
01:01:09.000 Lost her job.
01:01:10.000 Now she's homeless and cold on the streets in Hollywood.
01:01:15.000 How long has she been down here?
01:01:16.000 What did she do wrong?
01:01:19.000 She just lost her job. 1.00
01:01:21.000 And then she couldn't get another job. 0.59
01:01:23.000 And then, you know, once you're out of money, you're out of money.
01:01:25.000 And she doesn't have any friends, so she just found herself on the street?
01:01:27.000 Yeah, she just moved out here.
01:01:28.000 Whoa.
01:01:29.000 Yeah, it's pretty sad.
01:01:30.000 Would she move down here with $2? 0.75
01:01:31.000 I don't know.
01:01:32.000 I don't know. 1.00
01:01:33.000 But it kicked her ass fast. 0.99
01:01:35.000 And, you know, you get these texts and you're just like, oh, Jesus. 0.99
01:01:39.000 Well, I'm sorry to hear that.
01:01:40.000 That sounds terrible. 0.99
01:01:41.000 And there are certainly individual stories where horrible shit happens to horrible people. 0.99
01:01:46.000 There's no doubt about that. 0.99
01:01:48.000 But it's also, there's a lot of people that come down here and their ideas are really shitty. 0.98
01:01:52.000 Their plan is poor.
01:01:53.000 They don't have backups.
01:01:54.000 They're not willing to do certain things.
01:01:56.000 They don't take the necessary steps in order to make sure that they're going to be okay.
01:02:01.000 I know this dude who came out here to try to be an actor.
01:02:04.000 He's been out here.
01:02:05.000 He thought he was just immediately, apparently he's talented, and he thought he was just immediately going to just start getting roles and basically be a working actor within like a year.
01:02:14.000 It's a year and a half in, he hasn't gotten a single job, and he's starting to freak, you know, and he doesn't want to work.
01:02:19.000 He wants to somehow or another like feed himself as an actor, and that's not going to happen.
01:02:24.000 Like, you might get a movie and you'd be fine.
01:02:28.000 But he keeps banking on this idea that he's going to eventually get a movie and then all his bills are going to be paid.
01:02:33.000 Like, wow, do you know how many of you there are out there?
01:02:36.000 Like, zero job?
01:02:37.000 He has no job?
01:02:38.000 No job.
01:02:38.000 See, that's why I'm so glad I've been classically trained as a waiter.
01:02:42.000 And that's one of the best skills that you can have. 0.98
01:02:45.000 Any city, I can get a fucking job at Denny's if it came down to it. 0.92
01:02:49.000 I have a job skill that... 0.99
01:02:52.000 I know, like being a blacksmith or something.
01:02:54.000 And people that haven't been waiters before, I don't know if they're scared to be a waiter, but it really is the best fallback job you could possibly have. 0.81
01:03:00.000 And there's so many fucking restaurants that you can get a good job and make a living.
01:03:05.000 You could actually, you know, do really well as a good waiter. 0.98
01:03:08.000 Is it easy to get a waiter job though?
01:03:11.000 It is.
01:03:11.000 It's just the quality of the restaurant.
01:03:13.000 You know, like, yeah, you could get a fucking job at Denny's and come in there anytime you want to, probably. 0.98
01:03:18.000 Yeah, that's because I bartended for years. 0.98
01:03:19.000 So I know that no matter how bad it gets, I can always bartend somewhere.
01:03:23.000 Right.
01:03:24.000 In some towns.
01:03:25.000 I always have, like, some backup plan.
01:03:26.000 Right.
01:03:27.000 Because people are always going to want to get drunk, you know.
01:03:29.000 Yeah, plus probably a lot of drunk chicks bust moves on you that way. 1.00
01:03:32.000 Oh, it's the best.
01:03:33.000 Are you kidding me?
01:03:33.000 They must bust moves.
01:03:34.000 It's the best. 0.99
01:03:35.000 When you work at a restaurant also, you're always getting laid because you become friends and alcoholics with all the other waiters and waitresses and talk shit about how horrible the day is. 0.94
01:03:42.000 Right, and you're all off at 2 o'clock in the morning at the same time. 0.98
01:03:45.000 And then you all bang each other.
01:03:46.000 Oh, dude, yeah.
01:03:48.000 When I was bartending in Dallas, we would just drive to Shreveport overnight.
01:03:52.000 Shreveport, Louisiana?
01:03:54.000 Yeah.
01:03:54.000 It's like, alright, we just made $300, let's go cross the border and gamble.
01:03:57.000 How far away is Louisiana from Dallas?
01:03:58.000 A couple hours.
01:03:59.000 That's it?
01:04:00.000 Yeah.
01:04:00.000 Wow.
01:04:01.000 That was the best.
01:04:01.000 Is it like a different world, though?
01:04:03.000 Oh, it's sad.
01:04:04.000 It's sad.
01:04:05.000 Like, take the coolness of Vegas, and then it's just, yeah.
01:04:09.000 It's not fun.
01:04:10.000 It's like Reno if it got bit by a vampire.
01:04:12.000 Right, yeah. 0.98
01:04:15.000 Reno for that AIDS. Yeah, there's a few of those places that are like, whoa, we did a bunch of early UFCs in those places.
01:04:22.000 Like Casino Magic, shit like that.
01:04:24.000 Like 1998. But it's fun when you're a kid. 0.98
01:04:27.000 You're like, oh, I can go and drink underage and gamble.
01:04:29.000 Oh, hell yeah.
01:04:30.000 Windsor, California.
01:04:32.000 Or Canada.
01:04:34.000 Windsor?
01:04:34.000 Yeah, that's where the whole Midwest would all drive up as kids to drink and go to strip clubs.
01:04:40.000 Yeah, I actually saw some of that when we were filming in Detroit.
01:04:45.000 They were talking about how you could only be 18, you could get across to Canada, you could drink.
01:04:49.000 And go to strip clubs.
01:04:50.000 It was awesome.
01:04:52.000 You know they're trying to raise the smoking age in New York to 21, which makes so much sense.
01:04:58.000 Why is that even a...
01:05:00.000 It doesn't make sense?
01:05:01.000 No, it does make sense.
01:05:02.000 Yeah, why isn't it, right?
01:05:03.000 Right. 1.00
01:05:03.000 That's so stupid. 1.00
01:05:05.000 It's just, there's a real problem with cigarettes, man. 1.00
01:05:08.000 They're so fucking addictive. 1.00
01:05:10.000 They're so addictive, and they're so terrible for you. 0.99
01:05:13.000 And even a guy like you, who's, you know, you're not completely retarded, and yet you can't stop going back to them. 1.00
01:05:19.000 Yeah, I know.
01:05:20.000 I'm quitting soon.
01:05:22.000 No, me and Kayla are going to quit.
01:05:24.000 Oh, that's sweet.
01:05:25.000 Together?
01:05:25.000 Yeah.
01:05:26.000 Together forever.
01:05:26.000 We're going to quit.
01:05:28.000 Why don't you just fucking get electronic cigarettes, man? 0.99
01:05:30.000 It seems like... 0.99
01:05:31.000 I think that is the worst invention in the world.
01:05:33.000 I am so anti-electronic cigarettes.
01:05:35.000 Why's that?
01:05:36.000 You see these kids that are...
01:05:38.000 Or kids.
01:05:38.000 You see these people with, like, these humongous hookahs of electronic cigarettes, and they sit there and suck on it like a tit all night long, and they're just getting so much nicotine that...
01:05:48.000 They're pretty much telling their body, like, hey, no, I need to live on nicotine.
01:05:52.000 I need nicotine in my body all day long, all day night.
01:05:55.000 Do you see if the electronic cigarette is too accessible?
01:05:57.000 Because with a cigarette, you've got to go outside, you've got to go across the street, you've got to find a lighter.
01:06:01.000 With the e-cigarette, it's just always there.
01:06:02.000 Always there. 0.99
01:06:04.000 People suck on those things seriously like a thumb. 0.99
01:06:07.000 I've seen it, yeah. 0.98
01:06:08.000 Right, but from what I understand, it's not negative.
01:06:10.000 It's not bad for you. 0.63
01:06:11.000 It's making your body get fucking used to having that much nicotine in it.
01:06:15.000 Yeah, but I don't think nicotine is what's wrong. 0.64
01:06:17.000 Nicotine is not really that bad for you.
01:06:19.000 From what I understand, nicotine is actually a medicine.
01:06:22.000 But isn't it highly addictive, right? 0.96
01:06:23.000 I don't know if it's the nicotine necessarily that's really fucking you up.
01:06:27.000 There's 590 different chemicals. 0.62
01:06:30.000 Yeah, but people are addicted to American spirit cigarettes and the only thing in there is tobacco.
01:06:35.000 Let's find out.
01:06:36.000 Nicotine addiction.
01:06:38.000 Let's find out.
01:06:39.000 Nicotine addiction and then electronic cigarettes.
01:06:43.000 Yeah, just to me, it seems horrible.
01:06:45.000 I don't know, man.
01:06:46.000 It seems like way better for you.
01:06:48.000 Yeah.
01:06:49.000 But you're going to have to do that for the rest of your life.
01:06:51.000 Yeah.
01:06:53.000 You're always the guy with the e-cigarette at the bar.
01:06:55.000 But it's way better for your lungs.
01:06:57.000 Yeah, but instead of just quitting is what I'm saying.
01:06:59.000 Yeah, I understand that.
01:07:00.000 But if you're looking for a bridge between the two, it seems like there'll be a way better move.
01:07:05.000 Unless nicotine's not addictive.
01:07:06.000 It seems like you're just getting your body used to way...
01:07:09.000 Like larger amounts of a drug.
01:07:11.000 But like I said, I don't think that nicotine is a real issue.
01:07:15.000 Let me ask Siri.
01:07:17.000 Yeah, is nicotine dangerous?
01:07:19.000 Is nicotine addictive?
01:07:21.000 Of course it's addictive.
01:07:24.000 Here's what I found on the web.
01:07:27.000 Oh, gross, Siri. 1.00
01:07:29.000 Bitch has no shit. 1.00
01:07:31.000 Okay, here, nicotine, there's benefits. 1.00
01:07:34.000 Studies have focused on the benefits of nicotine therapy for adults with ADHD. Wow.
01:07:43.000 So if you can't concentrate, you should smoke?
01:07:46.000 Well, you know, it's really interesting because Stephen King said that cigarettes, like when he quit cigarettes, that was one of the most profound effects on his writing.
01:07:55.000 That it really slowed him down because cigarettes really made a synapses fire and he felt like it made it more creative.
01:08:01.000 Because it's stimulant, right?
01:08:02.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:08:03.000 Oh, shit. 1.00
01:08:03.000 I have ADHD. Oh, you definitely do. 1.00
01:08:06.000 Are you kidding?
01:08:07.000 So keep smoking.
01:08:08.000 You're fine.
01:08:08.000 Yeah.
01:08:09.000 Yeah.
01:08:11.000 Psychoactive effects.
01:08:12.000 Nicotine's mood-altering effects are different by report.
01:08:15.000 In particular, it is both a stimulant and a relaxant, first causing the release of glucose from the liver and epinephrine, adrenaline, from the adrenal medulla.
01:08:27.000 It caused...
01:08:29.000 It causes stimulation.
01:08:31.000 Users report feelings of relaxation, sharpness, calmness, and alertness.
01:08:35.000 Like any stimulant, it may very rarely cause the often uncomfortable neuropsychiatric effects of...
01:08:45.000 How about this one?
01:08:46.000 A-K-A-T-H-I-S-I-A... By reducing the appetite and raising the metabolism, some smokers may lose weight as a consequence.
01:09:00.000 Interesting.
01:09:03.000 So the medical uses, there's a bunch of different medical uses.
01:09:08.000 Primary therapeutic use of nicotine is in treating nicotine dependence.
01:09:12.000 Duh. 1.00
01:09:14.000 That's so stupid. 1.00
01:09:15.000 See, it doesn't seem like nicotine is something you should suck on all day long. 1.00
01:09:18.000 That's what I'm saying.
01:09:19.000 However, in a few situations, smoking has been observed to be of therapeutic value.
01:09:23.000 These are often referred to as smokers' paradoxes, and although in most cases the actual mechanism is understood only poorly or not at all, It is generally believed that the principal beneficial action is due to the nicotine administered and that the administration of nicotine without smoking may be as beneficial as smoking.
01:09:42.000 So there's certain things like it says, for instance, studies suggest that smokers require less frequent repeated revascularization after percutaneous coronary intervention.
01:09:55.000 Not many people do that anymore.
01:09:56.000 What is that?
01:09:59.000 That's like an old dance they used to do when the TVs was black and white. 0.98
01:10:03.000 I don't even know what the fuck that is. 0.88
01:10:05.000 Risk of ulcerative colitis has been frequently shown to be reduced by smokers. 0.99
01:10:10.000 Because you kind of smoke the inside of your lung.
01:10:12.000 You make it tougher.
01:10:13.000 You can't get as many diseases that way.
01:10:15.000 Wow, that's not true.
01:10:18.000 You get more?
01:10:20.000 Tobacco smoke has also been shown to contain compounds capable of inhibiting monoamine oxidase, which is what you take when you make ayahuasca.
01:10:31.000 Monoamine oxidase is what keeps DMT from becoming orally active.
01:10:36.000 That's why if you eat grass and things that have DMT in it, you don't just start tripping your balls off because of monoamine oxidase.
01:10:43.000 So if it inhibits monoamine oxidase, that can act as a hallucinogen too.
01:10:49.000 If it's in like harming, if it's in like large doses, I think it's close to like death doses, it becomes a hallucinogen.
01:10:57.000 Have you tried the e-cigarette at all?
01:10:59.000 Yeah, I tried one.
01:11:00.000 I tried one recently.
01:11:02.000 Because I wanted to see what kind of a stimulant it gives you and whether or not I would crave it more.
01:11:06.000 I puffed it all the way to the Bray Improv.
01:11:09.000 Did it do anything?
01:11:10.000 Yeah, it gave me a little jolt.
01:11:12.000 But, you know, it's not something I want to do on a regular basis.
01:11:15.000 I just wanted to experiment with it, see what it was like.
01:11:17.000 It doesn't have the satisfaction of littering, you know?
01:11:20.000 Right.
01:11:21.000 Just being a badass.
01:11:23.000 I smoked an e-hooka in Vegas the other day.
01:11:26.000 Somebody had an e-hooka.
01:11:27.000 E-hooka.
01:11:28.000 That's one of those big fat ones. 0.98
01:11:30.000 Yeah, the big long one.
01:11:31.000 That's what Bobby Lee walks around with. 1.00
01:11:32.000 Bobby Lee's got a goddamn garbage can he brings with him. 1.00
01:11:35.000 It's filled up with nicotine. 1.00
01:11:37.000 It's on a roller.
01:11:38.000 He's rolling his golf clubs around.
01:11:39.000 Him and PJ Boats just sit there and I just look over and I'm like, that's not good.
01:11:44.000 That's just not good.
01:11:45.000 Look at that.
01:11:46.000 Right, but that's Bobby Lee.
01:11:47.000 He's super indulgent.
01:11:49.000 Those funny guys, man.
01:11:51.000 There's so many funny guys that are just super indulgent.
01:11:53.000 They almost can't help themselves.
01:11:55.000 There's this radio station in, I believe, Columbus, Ohio, that Bobby Lee was on recently, and they had it video, recorded video, and he sat down on the couch, and there was a point where they were talking about another comedian.
01:12:07.000 What's the one lady, that really funny chow with the tattoos? 1.00
01:12:13.000 Margaret Cho?
01:12:13.000 Margaret Cho.
01:12:14.000 Margaret Cho was there, and she took off all her clothes, and they were talking to Bobby about that, and Bobby's like, oh, you know, I can take off all my clothes.
01:12:20.000 So he takes off all his clothes.
01:12:21.000 And sits down on the couch, which is white.
01:12:24.000 And then when he sat up later and left, he left a little brown skin mark on the thing. 0.96
01:12:29.000 And so the radio station cut it out and framed it in their skin. 0.86
01:12:33.000 Oh, that's so disgusting. 1.00
01:12:36.000 His dirty little ass. 1.00
01:12:38.000 And he had like an excuse. 1.00
01:12:39.000 Like, oh, you don't understand.
01:12:40.000 I had an omelet. 0.99
01:12:42.000 Just shit his pants right there on their couch. 0.99
01:12:45.000 Oh, he's probably cutting little farts too. 0.99
01:12:49.000 Yeah, he probably cut one and just a little leaked out.
01:12:51.000 He didn't want to let anybody know.
01:12:53.000 He probably did it on purpose.
01:12:54.000 He's like, who has a white couch?
01:12:56.000 Yeah, if you know Bobby.
01:13:00.000 Okay, e-cigarettes.
01:13:01.000 Let's see if it makes sense that an e-cigarette is healthier.
01:13:06.000 Oh, it's definitely healthier.
01:13:07.000 I'm not saying it's healthier.
01:13:08.000 I'm just saying that the nicotine intake, I believe, when you have one of these big hookahs, it's probably just drowning you with way more nicotine than you're used to.
01:13:15.000 Maybe, but I don't know if it is healthier.
01:13:18.000 I don't...
01:13:19.000 Not by much.
01:13:20.000 I mean, it just feels like something's missing when you smoke an e-cigarette.
01:13:23.000 It's like drinking, like, Coke Zero.
01:13:25.000 You know what I mean?
01:13:25.000 It just doesn't have that.
01:13:26.000 Yeah, it's probably...
01:13:27.000 I feel more than that.
01:13:29.000 Like, I feel like this is not doing anything.
01:13:31.000 It doesn't.
01:13:32.000 It doesn't feel good.
01:13:33.000 It's like I have a straw, and I'm just going...
01:13:35.000 Hmm.
01:13:36.000 It says the one thing is nicotine levels.
01:13:39.000 They're worried is the electronic cigarette can contain as much nicotine as a regular cigarette or more, and then the amount of nicotine an electric cigarette delivers depends on the content of the liquid nicotine cartridge installed in it.
01:13:53.000 So they can choose cartridges containing nicotine in a range of strengths.
01:13:57.000 Everyone goes for the strong ones, too, if you're coming from cigarettes.
01:14:00.000 Yeah.
01:14:01.000 And you're sucking on that thing all day long instead of hanging from a cigarette every, like, 15, 20 minutes or so.
01:14:05.000 Says there are also cartridges that contain liquid without nicotine for users who want the sensory experience of smoking without its effect.
01:14:13.000 So that's like fakers.
01:14:14.000 That's like people wearing fake glasses.
01:14:16.000 Well, they say that your first year is like you're not really addicted to the nicotine, you're addicted to the movement of putting the cigarette into your mouth.
01:14:22.000 A year?
01:14:22.000 A year, six months, something I read, yeah.
01:14:25.000 I like that.
01:14:26.000 A year?
01:14:26.000 Six months?
01:14:27.000 Three months?
01:14:28.000 You're just addicted to doing that?
01:14:30.000 I read it somewhere.
01:14:31.000 I heard it.
01:14:32.000 Somebody else read it and they told me about it.
01:14:34.000 It's like the...
01:14:34.000 Because when you drink, you get drunk immediately.
01:14:37.000 The cigarette, you don't really become addicted to it.
01:14:39.000 No one starts liking nicotine the first time you smoke a cigarette.
01:14:43.000 Well, it's a weird feeling.
01:14:44.000 I remember that.
01:14:45.000 I did a sketch once.
01:14:47.000 We're good to go. 0.99
01:15:06.000 And I was fucked up, man. 1.00
01:15:08.000 I was really fucked up. 1.00
01:15:10.000 Within, like, two cigarettes or three cigarettes, my head was flying. 0.99
01:15:14.000 I was like, my God, I'm high.
01:15:16.000 This is crazy.
01:15:17.000 Like, I didn't know this gets you high.
01:15:19.000 It gets you some weird kind of high.
01:15:21.000 Yeah, it does.
01:15:21.000 Yeah.
01:15:22.000 But it doesn't seem to interrupt your motor skills.
01:15:25.000 This is, by the way, I don't know if you can see this.
01:15:27.000 It might be hard to see.
01:15:28.000 This is Bobby Lee's skid mark.
01:15:30.000 It's really hard to see.
01:15:31.000 It's right here.
01:15:32.000 Yeah, I can't see it.
01:15:33.000 Yeah.
01:15:33.000 It's hard to see.
01:15:34.000 The contrast is too fucked up. 0.98
01:15:38.000 Yeah, so these things, apparently, it really depends who's making the e-cigarette. 0.98
01:15:43.000 And so in that way, a company like those blue e-cigs, that might be the way to go. 0.99
01:15:49.000 At least you can count on it.
01:15:50.000 Because it's kind of the same thing as pot. 0.99
01:15:53.000 When you buy a pot brownie and you don't know what the fuck is in there, you're taking a total guess. 0.99
01:15:59.000 It's a big gamble. 0.99
01:16:00.000 The difference between the impact of a pot cookie or a pot brownie can be...
01:16:04.000 You just mellow sitting in front of the TV or you on a wild roller coaster ride through the dark recesses of your soul.
01:16:11.000 Right?
01:16:12.000 You know that feeling. 0.99
01:16:14.000 There's a big, big, big, big goddamn difference. 0.95
01:16:17.000 And because of the fact that it's illegal, you know, it's not regulated. 0.97
01:16:21.000 You don't know what you're getting.
01:16:22.000 And that's probably the same thing with these e-cigarettes.
01:16:25.000 And sometimes, like, the...
01:16:26.000 The cheaper ones.
01:16:28.000 The gas stations all have them now.
01:16:30.000 You get the blue one.
01:16:31.000 That's the expensive kind.
01:16:32.000 But they all have these generic versions of them.
01:16:35.000 Some of those you suck on and you just get a mouthful of juice sometimes.
01:16:38.000 I'm like, that can't be good.
01:16:40.000 I'm drinking the juice that makes the smoke fall.
01:16:42.000 Like you're wringing out the filter at the end of a cigarette?
01:16:44.000 Yeah.
01:16:45.000 Yeah, it's not good.
01:16:47.000 There's certain things like...
01:16:48.000 But you can count...
01:16:50.000 One of the best things about...
01:16:52.000 Like, edibles, is if you find a company that makes a certain edible, and you know what it is.
01:16:57.000 Like, they make a Jolly Rancher.
01:16:58.000 Okay, this Jolly Rancher is very predictable.
01:17:01.000 One, and you're good.
01:17:02.000 Yeah.
01:17:03.000 LA Speedweed does that. 0.99
01:17:04.000 Yeah.
01:17:04.000 In all their packages, they have how much it is.
01:17:06.000 They're very clever that way.
01:17:08.000 This e-cigarette thing is interesting because they're starting to open up these e-cigarette lounges in places.
01:17:14.000 Have you seen them?
01:17:15.000 No.
01:17:16.000 Yeah, they have e-cigarette stores and e-cigarette lounges and they serve different flavor.
01:17:23.000 It's weird.
01:17:25.000 People have, like, there's vaporizer stores.
01:17:27.000 You know what it's going to do, Joe?
01:17:28.000 It's going to make non-smokers try it and then like it and then they're going to get addicted to cigarettes and then here we go again. 1.00
01:17:35.000 Someone's going to think they look cool blowing smoke and they're going to fuck them and they're just going to keep trying to look cool again. 0.99
01:17:40.000 Just keep trying to itch that scab. 1.00
01:17:43.000 Got to make you feel better.
01:17:45.000 It's like opium dens for people who aren't cool enough to smoke real cigarettes.
01:17:49.000 Right.
01:17:50.000 Where you were in Dallas, in Addison, was one of the last places.
01:17:55.000 You can still smoke there!
01:17:55.000 I go back home, I walk into a bar, and everybody's just ripping cigarettes at the bar.
01:17:59.000 Yeah, it's one of the last places that hangs in there.
01:18:01.000 Still?
01:18:01.000 Oh, yeah!
01:18:02.000 Oh, sweet.
01:18:02.000 Well, when we performed there, I was at the Addison Improv the last time I was there.
01:18:06.000 I was like, you guys have a goddamn smoking show. 0.99
01:18:08.000 I love it. 1.00
01:18:09.000 You have to specify a non-smoking show.
01:18:12.000 Yeah, if you're a headliner from out of town, you have to let them know in advance.
01:18:14.000 No, not even that.
01:18:15.000 They have an 8 p.m.
01:18:16.000 non-smoking show.
01:18:17.000 Right, right, right.
01:18:17.000 There was like an 8pm non-smoking show and there was a 10pm regular show.
01:18:20.000 And the 10pm regular show was just a fucking haze of shitty decision making. 1.00
01:18:25.000 Just booze and cigarettes. 1.00
01:18:27.000 Whiskey and marble lights.
01:18:29.000 I'm not a fan of cigarette smoke.
01:18:31.000 I don't like the way it smells.
01:18:32.000 I think it's disgusting.
01:18:33.000 I think it's bad for you.
01:18:35.000 But...
01:18:35.000 There's something about a bar that's filled with cigarette smoke that just feels right.
01:18:40.000 Or a crowd of cigarette smokers are always a little bit better for some reason. 1.00
01:18:43.000 They're fucking animals. 1.00
01:18:44.000 They don't care. 1.00
01:18:45.000 They're not worried about shit as much. 1.00
01:18:47.000 They're not even caring about their own body. 0.99
01:18:49.000 You know? 0.98
01:18:51.000 They're not giving two fucks. 0.98
01:18:53.000 Well, it's a fact that girls who smoke are, like, much more likely to do something freaky. 1.00
01:18:58.000 I'm so attracted to chicks who smoke cigarettes. 1.00
01:18:59.000 I don't know what it is.
01:19:00.000 Are you too?
01:19:01.000 There's something sexy about that, man. 0.97
01:19:02.000 They're dirty.
01:19:03.000 They're just dirty? 1.00
01:19:04.000 And they're making shitty decisions. 1.00
01:19:06.000 Yeah. 0.89
01:19:06.000 And she's like, you know. 0.89
01:19:08.000 How about one more? 1.00
01:19:08.000 She's sucking on that cancer stick, and you're like, my dick can't be nearly as dangerous as that. 1.00
01:19:12.000 Oh, was she wrong? 1.00
01:19:13.000 That after-fuck cigarette where you're like, ah, just laying there. 1.00
01:19:17.000 Or the during? 1.00
01:19:18.000 No.
01:19:18.000 They just seem dirty.
01:19:19.000 You're going to tell your friends!
01:19:20.000 Pfft! 0.63
01:19:21.000 There's also, like, knowing that they're not going to stay good-looking for very long because the cigarettes are going to age them.
01:19:27.000 They're, like, more valuable.
01:19:29.000 It's a shorter ride.
01:19:34.000 It's a shorter, wilder ride.
01:19:36.000 Fatality, that was awesome. 1.00
01:19:37.000 If a girl is, like, really smoking hard cigarettes, by the time she hits 40, the fucking party's over. 1.00
01:19:43.000 You're my grandma now. 1.00
01:19:45.000 Right.
01:19:46.000 The party's over.
01:19:47.000 She'll write that down in time.
01:19:50.000 True. 1.00
01:19:50.000 But a girl who's like a CrossFit chick or something like that, they could go deep in their 40s and still like hot as fuck. 1.00
01:19:56.000 Oh, yeah. 0.99
01:19:57.000 Well, there was just a picture on Facebook that was circulating where it has two twins.
01:20:00.000 They're identical twins and one smoked for the last 15 years and the other one didn't.
01:20:04.000 It showed them side by side.
01:20:04.000 I thought the smoker looked remarkably good compared to the twin.
01:20:09.000 I was like, that's actually not a very good argument because it's 14 years of enjoying cigarettes and barely paid a price.
01:20:14.000 And having fun.
01:20:14.000 Yeah.
01:20:15.000 Yeah.
01:20:16.000 They're, like, Halle Berry, I think, is, like, 50 or something.
01:20:19.000 Like, how old is she? 1.00
01:20:20.000 She's hot as fuck, man. 1.00
01:20:22.000 Does she smoke? 1.00
01:20:23.000 No, of course not.
01:20:25.000 But I'm saying that's the difference.
01:20:27.000 Right.
01:20:27.000 If she did, like, both of those, let's be honest.
01:20:29.000 All right, if I had to fuck one, I don't know which one's to smoke. 0.99
01:20:31.000 Why would you do that and click this stop, shut this off, shaming these people? 1.00
01:20:36.000 Right. 0.60
01:20:37.000 I'd rather watch beheading videos. 0.99
01:20:39.000 You're shaming these people. 0.96
01:20:40.000 You're not supposed to do that.
01:20:42.000 I would do the one on the right.
01:20:43.000 Which one's the smoker?
01:20:43.000 I couldn't care less.
01:20:44.000 The one on the right.
01:20:45.000 Is it?
01:20:45.000 Hey, stop!
01:20:46.000 Dude, don't show that anymore.
01:20:47.000 I'm sorry.
01:20:48.000 Don't be showing...
01:20:49.000 For real.
01:20:50.000 That's not good karma to just show people and go, look how ugly these people's faces are.
01:20:54.000 If that's on a line somewhere...
01:20:55.000 I didn't say that.
01:20:55.000 That's one thing.
01:20:56.000 That's exactly what we're saying.
01:20:57.000 We're looking at it.
01:20:58.000 They're all beat up by cigarettes. 1.00
01:20:59.000 We're trying to figure out which one you'd rather fuck. 1.00
01:21:01.000 Yeah, but I would fuck one. 1.00
01:21:02.000 They've both been through hell. 1.00
01:21:03.000 Okay?
01:21:03.000 Let's be honest.
01:21:05.000 You wouldn't want your face appearing on a fucking podcast. 1.00
01:21:08.000 Would you rather fuck this guy or this guy with AIDS? It's the same thing. 1.00
01:21:12.000 But the smoker would. 0.92
01:21:12.000 He's got AIDS. The smoker would. 0.92
01:21:14.000 If she's still a smoker, she would want to be on this podcast.
01:21:16.000 That's almost like...
01:21:17.000 Maybe.
01:21:18.000 Maybe she's just want to borrow $5. 1.00
01:21:21.000 Come here and blow everybody for $1.50 a piece.
01:21:24.000 It'd be a disaster. 1.00
01:21:26.000 She's making shitty decisions. 0.99
01:21:28.000 She let them put her face in that thing. 1.00
01:21:30.000 They probably gave her money for that. 1.00
01:21:32.000 She's like, well, no one's going to see it. 0.96
01:21:34.000 Everyone's going to see it, goddammit. 0.67
01:21:36.000 Brian just showed it to half a million people. 0.56
01:21:39.000 Sorry.
01:21:39.000 I'm sorry for that.
01:21:40.000 I wouldn't have done it, ma'am.
01:21:42.000 I just want you to know.
01:21:42.000 I just think it's wrong.
01:21:43.000 Don't do it again, you fuck. 1.00
01:21:44.000 No, I'm just trying to... 1.00
01:21:45.000 So the right one is the smoker.
01:21:47.000 Yes.
01:21:48.000 Oh, so that's the one I would do.
01:21:49.000 The other one looks like she has a black... 0.98
01:21:50.000 Never mind. 0.96
01:21:52.000 Just don't be mean.
01:21:53.000 Don't be mean.
01:21:55.000 It's just a person, man. 1.00
01:21:57.000 It's a person out there making shit decisions. 0.99
01:21:58.000 But I support people's right to make shitty decisions. 1.00
01:22:01.000 There's something about the temporary nature of bar life and cigarette smokes. 0.73
01:22:06.000 It's kind of dying out and people are clinging more to their existence.
01:22:12.000 And there's a part of me that enjoys a bar that's smoky, just like I enjoy being around drunk people sometimes.
01:22:20.000 I like drunk people that can handle it, you know? 0.99
01:22:22.000 And I like a bar filled with people that are just out having a good fucking time. 0.99
01:22:27.000 There's a lot more people that can handle it than can't handle it. 0.99
01:22:30.000 It's the people that can't handle it.
01:22:32.000 They're so outrageous, they ruin the time for the people that can.
01:22:35.000 Walking around throwing up in trash cans in the middle of the street.
01:22:37.000 That sounds to me like they handled it.
01:22:39.000 If they threw up in each other's underwear, then it would be a problem.
01:22:42.000 Well, there's a difference between going to a bar where everybody's cool, drinking, having a good time, and then going to a 50-cent shot night college bar. 0.99
01:22:48.000 That's when it's just a fucking train wreck. 0.99
01:22:50.000 Nickel pitcher. 1.00
01:22:50.000 Yeah, nickel, right. 1.00
01:22:51.000 Well, it's like being around college drinkers is just like being around white belts in jiu-jitsu class. 0.90
01:22:56.000 They spaz out.
01:22:57.000 They don't know how to relax. 0.99
01:23:00.000 They don't know how to go with their friends and just have a couple of shots and clink glasses and go, let's do a shot of Jack Fork and hit knuckles together and you sit there and drink like nice people and you enjoy it and you have more laughs and you talk more shit and you laugh at each other and you have a good time and it's fun and it's a lot of hugs and high fives and shit. 0.97
01:23:19.000 A lot of hugs, yeah. 0.95
01:23:20.000 That's what it's like when we drink.
01:23:22.000 No one gets in any fights.
01:23:23.000 There's no anger.
01:23:24.000 No one breaks bottles and stabs people.
01:23:26.000 There's none of that going on. 1.00
01:23:27.000 You have to be a special type of fuckhead to ruin a good drinking moment. 1.00
01:23:33.000 Unless you're drinking Fireball. 1.00
01:23:35.000 Unless you're with one of those dudes that just can't drink. 0.98
01:23:37.000 We know those dudes that are just nice guys where they just can't fucking drink. 0.98
01:23:41.000 They just can't handle it. 0.98
01:23:41.000 They just can't do it. 0.98
01:23:42.000 They can't do it.
01:23:43.000 They try.
01:23:43.000 They can't pull it off.
01:23:45.000 Can't fucking do it. 1.00
01:23:46.000 There's a lot of them. 1.00
01:23:47.000 They just got that broken gene in them, man.
01:23:49.000 There's a lot more in California, I noticed.
01:23:51.000 I think there's a lot of psychologically damaged folks out here that have come out here to reinvent themselves.
01:23:55.000 And I think you add alcohol to that particular mindset. 0.96
01:23:59.000 It's like the problem that I have with that is the same problem I have when guys like Dr. Drew start talking shit about like the withdrawal syndromes that are associated with weed. 0.91
01:24:09.000 I'm like, how many people? 0.98
01:24:11.000 Saying that is like saying that peanuts will kill you because some people are allergic to them. 1.00
01:24:16.000 Because there's some people, you eat peanuts, you're fucking dead. 0.99
01:24:19.000 It's not most people, though. 1.00
01:24:21.000 If you're watching some report on peanuts killing people and you're eating peanuts, going, what the fuck are you talking about? 0.99
01:24:26.000 Peanuts are delicious. 0.99
01:24:27.000 I had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich this morning.
01:24:29.000 I'm eating peanuts now.
01:24:30.000 I got some honey roasted peanuts.
01:24:31.000 I got some salted peanuts.
01:24:32.000 I got some raw peanuts.
01:24:33.000 Come on, man.
01:24:34.000 Peanuts?
01:24:34.000 But peanuts do kill a certain percentage of the population.
01:24:37.000 That's akin to the same type of people that are getting withdrawal syndromes from weed.
01:24:41.000 That's not typical.
01:24:43.000 So when you pretend, you're disingenuous if you're on TV pretending that it's a dangerous withdrawal syndrome that's attached to the stronger weed today.
01:24:52.000 No, it's not.
01:24:53.000 No, it's just like people allergic to peanuts. 1.00
01:24:56.000 It's some rare freaks that smoke pot and next thing you know they're sucking dick for more pot. 1.00
01:25:01.000 Right. 1.00
01:25:02.000 Those are rare.
01:25:04.000 It doesn't happen very often. 0.94
01:25:06.000 I think the only, to me, with drinking now getting older, the only problem I have is the hangovers are just so fucking brutal now, man.
01:25:13.000 That's why you need 180 from the Onyx.
01:25:15.000 When you were talking about it at the beginning, I was like, I'm writing it down.
01:25:17.000 I'm like, okay, go ahead.
01:25:18.000 Well, your body does not want you to do that.
01:25:20.000 I know, but...
01:25:21.000 It doesn't want you to drink like that.
01:25:23.000 You gotta drink a lot of water.
01:25:24.000 It's hard to do, but if you do it while you're drinking, it makes a big difference.
01:25:28.000 If, like, while you're drinking booze, you force yourself to pound water, you make a lot of trips to the bathroom, but so what?
01:25:34.000 Just do it.
01:25:34.000 You'll feel way better.
01:25:36.000 It'll just go through your system better.
01:25:38.000 You'll rehydrate better. 1.00
01:25:39.000 You're still gonna feel like shit, though. 0.99
01:25:41.000 I just want to have a solid poop one of these days. 1.00
01:25:43.000 One day, Brian. 0.68
01:25:45.000 If you plan and hope and wish and pray to the poop fairy... 1.00
01:25:50.000 It'll all come out hard.
01:25:52.000 You're probably dying.
01:25:54.000 Your body's probably slowly breaking down from the inside. 0.96
01:25:56.000 You're probably shitting away little pieces of your liver. 0.75
01:25:58.000 Yeah. 0.88
01:25:58.000 I'm detoxing right now. 0.88
01:26:00.000 I haven't drank in a couple days.
01:26:01.000 Detoxing?
01:26:01.000 I like to not drink for a couple days a week.
01:26:03.000 Yeah, you don't have to, man.
01:26:05.000 It's just too...
01:26:06.000 Your problem is you're in these social circles that are like, you know, everyone's drinking and that's how everybody gets laid.
01:26:12.000 Which, by the way, the feminists think is rape. 1.00
01:26:14.000 We were talking about this on Dissentary with Kayla.
01:26:17.000 She's, you know, sober now.
01:26:19.000 And she was talking about how hard it is to...
01:26:21.000 Thank God!
01:26:22.000 No, I'm just kidding.
01:26:22.000 How hard it is to, like, actually get laid.
01:26:25.000 Or how to, like, meet somebody.
01:26:27.000 Because when you're with a sober person, like, if you take a girl out that doesn't drink...
01:26:30.000 Oh, it's the worst!
01:26:32.000 It's the hardest thing to get to that first base, even.
01:26:34.000 Because you're not, you know...
01:26:36.000 You don't feel confident.
01:26:37.000 She is weird.
01:26:38.000 Well, it becomes the weird thing that it actually is. 1.00
01:26:40.000 You want to stick your penis in her body. 1.00
01:26:42.000 Right. 1.00
01:26:42.000 It's weird. 1.00
01:26:43.000 You know, it's only until people are drunk that it sounds like, fuck yeah, let's do this. 1.00
01:26:47.000 And a girl, look at you, you want to fuck or what? 1.00
01:26:48.000 You're like, whoa. 1.00
01:26:49.000 You know, that rarely happens when girls are sober. 1.00
01:26:52.000 It's sober. 1.00
01:26:52.000 And if they are sober and they say, do you want to fuck or what? 1.00
01:26:55.000 Run! 1.00
01:26:55.000 Yeah, exactly. 1.00
01:26:56.000 They're probably crazy. 1.00
01:26:59.000 Probably gonna burn your house down right after they fuck you. 1.00
01:27:01.000 Bitch is nuts. 1.00
01:27:03.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:27:03.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:27:04.000 I don't know, man.
01:27:04.000 It's hard for a girl.
01:27:05.000 It's hard for anybody to trust anybody to be inside them.
01:27:09.000 It's very evasive.
01:27:10.000 It's weird.
01:27:11.000 It's weird.
01:27:12.000 Not only that, dudes are like creeps. 0.99
01:27:14.000 There's a lot of rapists. 0.99
01:27:15.000 A lot of men are stronger than women. 0.97
01:27:17.000 Yeah.
01:27:17.000 Women hear every day about some guy in the news who forced himself on a girl and killed her and buried her body.
01:27:22.000 There's crazy stories.
01:27:24.000 There was a kid recently in high school that killed one of the teachers.
01:27:28.000 Cut her with a box cutter and dragged her into the woods behind the school. 1.00
01:27:31.000 What the fuck? 1.00
01:27:32.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:27:33.000 No one knows why or what.
01:27:35.000 It's a mystery.
01:27:36.000 He's like 14. He was a well-liked kid.
01:27:38.000 The whole thing is craziness.
01:27:40.000 And that's a boy.
01:27:42.000 Imagine men. 1.00
01:27:43.000 If I was a chick, I'd be terrified to fuck a guy. 1.00
01:27:45.000 I mean, they should be. 1.00
01:27:46.000 It's a weird scenario.
01:27:49.000 It's one of the only reasons why when you hear feminists talk about how to approach girls and how to respect the idea that these girls would be terrified of you, I agree with that wholeheartedly 100%. 0.97
01:28:02.000 One thing, like, I've heard it argued against that, like, the men's rights guys are like, that's horseshit, that's stupid, you know, not all guys are assholes, you treat us like we're assholes, it sort of, like, manifests this whole, you know, attitude that certain men and women have with each other, but that's easy for dudes to say, 0.99
01:28:17.000 because they're not getting raped. 1.00
01:28:19.000 You know, and the men's rights guys, one goofy thing that they fucking say, they really need to shut the fuck up about, they go, you know who gets raped more than anybody in this country? 1.00
01:28:29.000 Men. 1.00
01:28:30.000 Men in prison.
01:28:31.000 Men in prison.
01:28:31.000 That's a hard sell.
01:28:34.000 No, it's a fact! 0.66
01:28:35.000 Men in prison get raped more than anyone in this country.
01:28:38.000 But you know what the problem with that fact is? 1.00
01:28:40.000 They get raped by men! 1.00
01:28:41.000 Right. 1.00
01:28:43.000 It's black-on-black crime, okay? 1.00
01:28:45.000 The men are raping the men. 1.00
01:28:46.000 It's not women breaking into prison and raping fucking poor prisoners. 1.00
01:28:50.000 Right. 1.00
01:28:50.000 It's men raping men. 1.00
01:28:51.000 It supports women's idea that these men are fucking assholes. 1.00
01:28:55.000 Right. 1.00
01:28:55.000 That's exactly what they've been saying. 1.00
01:28:57.000 Yeah, I mean, it's ridiculous. 1.00
01:28:58.000 It's such a fucking asinine and disingenuous argument. 1.00
01:29:02.000 But would you agree... 1.00
01:29:03.000 Okay, feminist and then men's right. 1.00
01:29:05.000 Would you agree there's a balance in the middle? 1.00
01:29:07.000 Like a woman doesn't want some guy who's going to intimidate her and scare the shit out of her, but she doesn't want some pussy who doesn't know how to make a move either. 1.00
01:29:13.000 As long as there's a fine line in the middle. 1.00
01:29:15.000 Yeah.
01:29:16.000 Well, I think here's the problem with saying women want... 1.00
01:29:19.000 Everybody wants something different. 0.91
01:29:21.000 Some women like super feminine, really thin, like, heroin-looking dudes. 1.00
01:29:26.000 Some women like guys with guts. 0.99
01:29:28.000 Some women like black guys. 1.00
01:29:29.000 Some women like Asian guys. 0.98
01:29:31.000 Some women like timid guys. 1.00
01:29:32.000 Some women like aggressive guys. 1.00
01:29:33.000 Some women like to be held down. 1.00
01:29:35.000 Some women like their hair pulled. 1.00
01:29:36.000 Some women like to be choked. 1.00
01:29:37.000 Some women will fucking scream and stab you if you try to choke them. 1.00
01:29:41.000 Rightly so. 1.00
01:29:42.000 If you just try to grab them and strangle them like your last girlfriend, they'll fucking think you're trying to rape them and they'll grab something and stab you in the dick. 1.00
01:29:48.000 That's normal, too. 1.00
01:30:00.000 Right.
01:30:02.000 Right.
01:30:03.000 Right. 1.00
01:30:13.000 Holy shit. 1.00
01:30:13.000 You're the boss. 1.00
01:30:14.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:30:14.000 They puke on your dick and it dries up and it's like a gelatin the next day. 1.00
01:30:17.000 The first time a girl said it to me, I was young, man. 1.00
01:30:20.000 I had never even heard it before.
01:30:21.000 I was like, wait a minute, what? 1.00
01:30:22.000 My last girlfriend, she'd scream if I grabbed the back of her head and this girl's telling me to fuck her face. 1.00
01:30:27.000 Like, everyone's different. 1.00
01:30:29.000 Right.
01:30:30.000 Everyone's different.
01:30:31.000 That's what the problem with this whole women like this. 1.00
01:30:33.000 Men want a woman who... 1.00
01:30:35.000 Not every man wants a woman who does that. 1.00
01:30:37.000 A lot of men want weird shit. 1.00
01:30:38.000 A lot of men want a mommy. 1.00
01:30:40.000 A lot of men like women that punch them in the face. 1.00
01:30:42.000 There's men that like... 1.00
01:30:43.000 There's a whole website dedicated to getting kicked in the balls by girls wearing stilettos. 0.99
01:30:48.000 There's a lot of weirdness in the world, man. 0.99
01:30:50.000 You can't say, men like this and women like that.
01:30:53.000 You can't.
01:30:54.000 The only thing you can do is be nice to each other.
01:30:57.000 That's the only thing you can do, man or women. 1.00
01:30:59.000 So, like, the reason why feminism exists, the only reason why it exists, is because there's an imbalance. 1.00
01:31:07.000 If there wasn't an imbalance, there wouldn't be this need to be extreme towards that side.
01:31:12.000 If men were really kind to women and there was no dispute, then it would be ridiculous to have feminism. 1.00
01:31:18.000 Nobody would believe in it.
01:31:20.000 The only reason why it can exist, whether you believe in a lot of the things that they generalize or not, and I don't.
01:31:26.000 I don't believe in the generalizations.
01:31:27.000 I believe there's a lot of good people out there, and I think as soon as you start lumping men into general categories, it's just like lumping women or anyone into general categories.
01:31:36.000 We're too broad in a spectrum.
01:31:38.000 There's always an exception to everything.
01:31:39.000 But there's too many different variables when it comes to humans interacting with each other, especially sexually.
01:31:44.000 But the only reason why feminism exists at all is because there's something wrong. 1.00
01:31:49.000 If there was nothing wrong, if there was no women that were getting shit on, if there was no sexual harassment in the workplace, if there was no discrimination when it comes to employment, if none of those things existed, you couldn't make the argument. 0.98
01:32:02.000 It's that simple. 0.99
01:32:04.000 Nobody would buy it.
01:32:05.000 The women wouldn't buy it. 1.00
01:32:06.000 Nobody would join.
01:32:07.000 They'd be like, what are you talking about?
01:32:08.000 Men treat women like they're themselves living another life.
01:32:11.000 But that's not the case.
01:32:13.000 So when you have, whether it's the men's rights guys or the feminists, the reason why these groups exist is because something's wrong.
01:32:20.000 There's not a balance.
01:32:22.000 And there's always going to be someone that's out there in the far end of the seesaw trying to tip it one way or the other.
01:32:28.000 But they exist because something's going on.
01:32:30.000 The men's rights guys exist because there's something going on? 0.99
01:32:33.000 Because a lot of guys do get fucked over and divorced, man. 0.98
01:32:36.000 I've seen it. 1.00
01:32:36.000 I've seen some brutal shit happen to men in marriages. 1.00
01:32:39.000 I've seen some men that were targeted by women who were just... 1.00
01:32:43.000 They were financial assassins.
01:32:45.000 And they went after men for their money and got pregnant with these men for their money and stole money from these men. 0.98
01:32:50.000 I've seen it.
01:32:50.000 I know it happens.
01:32:52.000 I've seen it without the baby part. 0.99
01:32:54.000 I've seen people get fucked over. 0.97
01:32:56.000 I've seen it happen many times. 1.00
01:32:57.000 That doesn't mean that the men's rights guys are right when they say stupid shit like men get raped more than women. 1.00
01:33:03.000 Yeah, you fucking get raped by each other, you dumb fuck. 1.00
01:33:06.000 That's such a dumb thing to say. 1.00
01:33:09.000 It's such a disingenuous argument. 1.00
01:33:11.000 Are you really worried about being raped, dude? 0.97
01:33:13.000 Because I don't worry about it ever. 0.98
01:33:15.000 How about that?
01:33:15.000 Don't go to prison.
01:33:16.000 I don't worry about getting raped, man. 0.99
01:33:18.000 It never comes up. 0.94
01:33:19.000 No.
01:33:20.000 And I'm around UFC fighters all the time. 0.85
01:33:22.000 I'm around people who actually could rape me and it doesn't really come up. 0.74
01:33:25.000 A guy says that.
01:33:27.000 If a guy was talking about divorce laws and the idea that someone can actually target someone and someone can extract money from them by basically a conspiracy, you're conspiring to rip guys off.
01:33:40.000 That's what a gold digger is.
01:33:42.000 It's a whole professional.
01:33:43.000 There's songs about it.
01:33:44.000 I mean, it's not like a kind of a myth like a unicorn or something like that.
01:33:49.000 It's not a chupacabra. 0.99
01:33:50.000 It's a real fucking thing. 0.99
01:33:51.000 It's a category in society. 1.00
01:33:52.000 Gold diggers.
01:33:54.000 And, you know, that's not good either.
01:33:56.000 But then there's the guys who fall for those traps.
01:33:59.000 What is that? 1.00
01:33:59.000 That's natural selection, you stupid fuck. 1.00
01:34:01.000 How do you not look at her and look at you and not know she's after your money? 1.00
01:34:05.000 You're disgusting. 1.00
01:34:06.000 What, do you think it's your personality? 1.00
01:34:08.000 You know, you're walking around with a fucking $10,000 watch on, driving a Ferrari, and you wonder why women want you to pay for their rent. 0.99
01:34:14.000 Okay? 1.00
01:34:14.000 That's what you do, stupid. 1.00
01:34:16.000 Look, I'm on both sides. 1.00
01:34:17.000 Both sides of the fence.
01:34:19.000 That's how I rock it.
01:34:20.000 But, you know, I'm trying to bridge gaps here.
01:34:23.000 I'm trying to bring people together.
01:34:24.000 I'm trying to let feminists and men's rights advocates and everybody know that we're all just humans. 0.81
01:34:30.000 When I see, like, I was watching this thing about atheism plus.
01:34:33.000 I don't know if you know what atheism plus is.
01:34:36.000 These are the people that want to attach atheism with core values, like against sexual harassment, racial discrimination.
01:34:44.000 And they had these really long, verbose speeches.
01:34:46.000 But my problem with that, when I was watching that, I was like...
01:34:50.000 Duh.
01:34:51.000 Right.
01:34:52.000 Duh.
01:34:53.000 Essentially, that's what it is anyways.
01:34:54.000 All of it.
01:34:55.000 Gay marriage. 0.99
01:34:56.000 Duh. 0.88
01:34:57.000 Racial discrimination.
01:34:58.000 Duh.
01:35:00.000 Sexual discrimination.
01:35:02.000 Duh.
01:35:02.000 All of it's duh.
01:35:03.000 Yeah, it shouldn't be there.
01:35:05.000 Everyone should just...
01:35:06.000 We should all know that.
01:35:07.000 It's like when you start railing on about it, you make me want to sexually harass somebody. 0.99
01:35:12.000 Because you're so fucking annoying and it's so obvious what you're saying. 1.00
01:35:15.000 It's so stupid to keep harping on shit that I say we shouldn't stab babies. 1.00
01:35:21.000 Yes, yes, no stabbing babies. 1.00
01:35:23.000 So profound.
01:35:23.000 Yeah, nobody...
01:35:24.000 If you don't want gay people to get married, you're a fucking asshole. 1.00
01:35:27.000 Right. 1.00
01:35:27.000 If you don't think that black people should have the same rate of pay as a white person, you're an asshole. 1.00
01:35:33.000 If you don't think black people should live in your neighborhood, you're an asshole. 1.00
01:35:36.000 It's all nonsense. 1.00
01:35:38.000 It's so clear by this day and age that it's duh.
01:35:42.000 So when I see something like Atheism Plus and these long, drawn-out speeches where they're mentioning all these other things that we should already agree on, where are we starting from?
01:35:50.000 Are we starting from barbarism? 0.98
01:35:51.000 Are we fucking pirates? 1.00
01:35:53.000 Are we educating fucking horrible criminal people? 1.00
01:35:56.000 That's what it feels like. 1.00
01:35:57.000 Yeah, it was like, stop harping on this shit. 1.00
01:36:00.000 Enough already. 1.00
01:36:01.000 We should literally make two countries. 0.99
01:36:03.000 We should saw the fucking country in half and put up a giant fence. 1.00
01:36:07.000 And anybody who doesn't want gay marriage, anybody who doesn't want black people, anybody who hates Asians, get over there! 1.00
01:36:16.000 Stop! 1.00
01:36:16.000 You need to figure it out on your own. 1.00
01:36:18.000 Too many people have already figured it out.
01:36:20.000 I would say like a small island.
01:36:22.000 I would put like an island.
01:36:23.000 Just let them go and do that.
01:36:24.000 It might even be half the people. 0.98
01:36:27.000 Look, my point is, if you're joining Atheism Plus, Jesus fucking Christ, aren't you already there? 0.98
01:36:33.000 I mean, do you really have to repeat that? 0.98
01:36:35.000 I mean, how much preaching to the choir has to be done? 0.99
01:36:37.000 They have to chirp on that same shit that we all rational people already agree in. 1.00
01:36:43.000 Saw this bitch! 1.00
01:36:47.000 We'll take the left, you take the right, go. 1.00
01:36:50.000 And we can all live in each other's spots if we want to, but let's recognize what we have over here. 0.99
01:36:55.000 We have a bunch of black haters, a bunch of Jew haters, a bunch of gay bashers, all in one country. 0.99
01:37:01.000 We could give them Louisiana. 0.99
01:37:02.000 No, Louisiana's pretty cool.
01:37:04.000 What should we give them?
01:37:04.000 North Dakota?
01:37:05.000 Give them South Dakota. 0.90
01:37:06.000 Nobody even goes there.
01:37:07.000 I would say Rhode Island.
01:37:09.000 Just put them out in the water.
01:37:10.000 Move the South Dakota people to, like, Connecticut, they'd be so happy. 1.00
01:37:13.000 Delaware.
01:37:15.000 There's some spots you could give them.
01:37:16.000 Some upper Alaska areas where they have camps.
01:37:19.000 That's what we should do.
01:37:20.000 Take racists. 0.98
01:37:21.000 Round them up and put them in camps. 0.99
01:37:24.000 Make them live with polar bears. 0.97
01:37:25.000 You want to know how much you're going to love black people after nine months of living with polar bears? 0.77
01:37:29.000 I got an idea. 0.98
01:37:30.000 Let's take everybody and put them in a camp.
01:37:33.000 That's never been done before, has it?
01:37:35.000 This is a good idea. 0.99
01:37:38.000 Well, clearly we have too many people that suck. 0.99
01:37:40.000 It's just, it's so simple. 1.00
01:37:42.000 It's just, don't be an asshole. 1.00
01:37:43.000 You don't need to, that's it. 1.00
01:37:45.000 It's so simple. 1.00
01:37:46.000 It's fucking it! 0.99
01:37:47.000 And it really, in this day and age, it's really all that's left. 0.99
01:37:50.000 You know, if you, I mean, someone can say, I'm a blank, fill in the blank with religion. 1.00
01:37:55.000 As soon as your religion involves killing people that don't believe in your religion, you're an asshole. 1.00
01:37:59.000 It doesn't matter if you call yourself a Muslim or a Mormon or a Christian. 1.00
01:38:04.000 You know, any Christian that believes in killing people that don't believe in Christ, you're missing it. 0.97
01:38:09.000 You're missing it completely.
01:38:10.000 And what about that little voice in the side that just says, this just doesn't feel right?
01:38:14.000 Some people don't have that voice, dude.
01:38:16.000 You have the voice that says, eat the baby. 0.85
01:38:17.000 Right, but that's a small minority of sociopaths.
01:38:20.000 I'm talking about even the most hardcore Christian, deep down inside, if someone's going to murder another, you go, ah, this just doesn't feel good.
01:38:26.000 If everything's going well.
01:38:28.000 See, that's what the thing is, though.
01:38:29.000 The thing is, that only exists if everything's going well.
01:38:32.000 If everything's going well in people's lives and they're not living a really savage existence where they're hardscrabble, trying to feed their family and their children, once that starts happening, people get really savage, really crazy.
01:38:44.000 Right, but what I'm saying is like a hardcore Christian, deep down inside, you know that you shouldn't be against gay people being happy.
01:38:51.000 Why don't you listen to that voice?
01:38:53.000 Yeah, but they don't know.
01:38:54.000 Because if someone really believes in an ideology, okay, if you really believe in the teachings of the Bible...
01:39:02.000 There are passages in the Bible that you can interpret as saying that a man should not lie with a man. 0.50
01:39:08.000 And that if a man does that, that man is against God. 0.98
01:39:12.000 And then if you get really crazy about defending God's will, you might conceivably think that you're doing God's work by killing someone who happens to be gay. 0.99
01:39:21.000 It's a ridiculous aspect of ideology. 0.99
01:39:23.000 It's a real problem. 0.99
01:39:25.000 There was a fucking crazy video that Sam Harris tweeted after he did my podcast. 0.99
01:39:31.000 We talked about Islam, and we talked about people that think that it's radical Islam, but it's not radical Islam. 0.99
01:39:39.000 It's just some of the tenets of being a Muslim that they all believe in.
01:39:44.000 Find that video.
01:39:45.000 Find that video.
01:39:46.000 It's Sam Harris...
01:39:49.000 It's actually on samharris.org.
01:39:52.000 It's on his website.
01:39:53.000 He wrote a whole blog post about it and then linked the video.
01:39:57.000 And you watch it and they're talking about stoning people to death for adultery and how many people agree with it. 0.89
01:40:02.000 And they're all agreeing and raising their hand. 1.00
01:40:03.000 It's like, no, that just makes you an asshole. 1.00
01:40:06.000 That just makes you an asshole. 1.00
01:40:08.000 Try to find the video. 1.00
01:40:09.000 It's in there somewhere.
01:40:13.000 It says something.
01:40:14.000 That's it right there.
01:40:15.000 Islam or Islamophobia.
01:40:17.000 Now watch this.
01:40:18.000 And this is fascinating because this guy is really, really confident when he's making a speech about what Muslims believe and don't believe. 1.00
01:40:29.000 I mean, this is actually Islam.net.
01:40:31.000 This is not a website that's designed to, like, shame the Muslims.
01:40:36.000 They're very proud of what this guy's saying.
01:40:40.000 It's very radical.
01:40:42.000 It's really interesting.
01:40:43.000 Pull it forward a little bit till you see the guy talking.
01:40:49.000 How they always attack the Muslims, or Islam in particular, for certain things. 0.66
01:40:55.000 For example, about gays. 0.59
01:40:57.000 They always attack us and the teachings towards this matter, for example.
01:41:01.000 While in Christianity, in Judaism, it's the same punishment That exists, you know, it's haram. 0.93
01:41:10.000 So why they're always, for example, focusing on Islam and not Judaism or Christianity, while, for example, also in Jerusalem.
01:41:19.000 For those who've been to Jerusalem, in the bosses in Jerusalem, for example, women sit separate than men, for example. 0.73
01:41:26.000 So why, like five minutes ago or early, we were asked about why Muslims have to be sitting separate, you know, men and women.
01:41:35.000 But they never ask these questions to Jews or Christians, why specifically Muslims or Islam?
01:41:40.000 Didn't you answer this question yesterday?
01:41:43.000 When you said that you need to ask the media.
01:41:46.000 Yeah, yeah, it's true.
01:41:49.000 But he needs an answer.
01:41:51.000 He was not here.
01:41:53.000 But the other people were here.
01:41:55.000 The other people will suffer because of you.
01:42:00.000 The answer is very simple.
01:42:01.000 Islam is the truth.
01:42:03.000 And Christianity and Judaism are not the truth. 1.00
01:42:06.000 Oh, what a great answer.
01:42:07.000 Could I give a comment on this topic?
01:42:10.000 Oh, it's the truth.
01:42:10.000 Watch this.
01:42:12.000 This is where it gets interesting.
01:42:13.000 Yep, but you are the sheikh. 1.00
01:42:16.000 You're the doctor!
01:42:18.000 MashaAllah! 0.99
01:42:20.000 Can we have this camera focusing on all the audience, sir?
01:42:26.000 Can we have this camera focusing on all the audience?
01:42:29.000 Because every now and then, every time we have a conference, every time we invite a speaker, they always come with the same accusations. 0.97
01:42:41.000 This speaker supports death penalty for homosexuals. 1.00
01:42:46.000 This speaker supports death penalty for this crime or this crime or that he is homophobic. 0.99
01:42:53.000 They subjugate women, etc., etc., etc. 0.67
01:42:57.000 It's the same old stuff coming all the time.
01:43:01.000 And we always try to tell them, I always try to tell them that, look, It's not that speaker that we're inviting who has these extreme radical views, as you say.
01:43:14.000 These are general views that every Muslim actually has.
01:43:19.000 Every Muslim believes in these things.
01:43:21.000 Just because they're not telling you about it or just because they're not out there in the media doesn't mean they don't believe in them.
01:43:29.000 So I will ask you, everyone in the room, how many of you are Normal Muslims. 1.00
01:43:37.000 You're not extremist.
01:43:38.000 You're not radical.
01:43:40.000 This is normal Sunni Muslims.
01:43:42.000 Please raise your hands.
01:43:45.000 Everybody, MashaAllah.
01:43:47.000 SubhanAllah.
01:43:48.000 Okay, take down your hands again.
01:43:51.000 How many of you agree That men and women should sit separate. 0.97
01:43:58.000 Please raise your hands.
01:43:59.000 They're all raising their hands by the way. 1.00
01:44:00.000 Except for one bad ass motherfucker in the front row that keeps his arms crossed. 1.00
01:44:04.000 Everyone agree. 1.00
01:44:05.000 Now it gets really weird.
01:44:06.000 Brothers and sisters.
01:44:07.000 SubhanAllah.
01:44:08.000 So it's not just these radical sheikhs then. 0.99
01:44:11.000 Allahu Akbar.
01:44:12.000 Next question.
01:44:13.000 How many of you agree that the punishments described in the Quran and the Sunnah Whether it is death, whether it is stoning for adultery, whatever it is, if it is from Allah and His Messenger,
01:44:29.000 that is the best punishment ever possible for humankind.
01:44:35.000 And that is what we should apply in the world.
01:44:38.000 Who agrees with that?
01:44:39.000 Everyone raises their hand.
01:44:41.000 4,000 people.
01:44:42.000 Allahu Akbar!
01:44:42.000 Are you all the radical extremists?
01:44:45.000 And they're all laughing. 0.98
01:44:48.000 So, all of you are saying that you are common Muslims, you all go to the different massages, no way.
01:44:55.000 Or is it, are you like a specific sect, like the Islam sect or anything like that?
01:45:01.000 Are you like that?
01:45:02.000 No.
01:45:04.000 Are you like that?
01:45:05.000 Please raise your hand if you like this extreme Islam sect or anything like that.
01:45:09.000 No one raises their hand.
01:45:11.000 Allahu Akbar!
01:45:12.000 How many of you just go to these normal masajids in Norway? 0.99
01:45:16.000 The normal Sunni mosque. 0.99
01:45:18.000 Please raise your hands.
01:45:19.000 Everyone raises their hands.
01:45:21.000 Allahu Akbar!
01:45:25.000 So what's the politicians gonna say now?
01:45:27.000 What is the media gonna say now?
01:45:29.000 That we're all extremists?
01:45:31.000 We're all radicals?
01:45:33.000 We need to deport all of us from this country? 0.98
01:45:36.000 Subhanallah! 0.65
01:45:38.000 Allahu Akbar!
01:45:39.000 Takbir! 1.00
01:45:41.000 Okay, okay, kill it. 1.00
01:45:43.000 Amazing. 0.97
01:45:44.000 Yeah, but is it just because that group in particular is going to a huge church and then they're all just like, yes, we believe.
01:45:53.000 Are these just normal people?
01:45:54.000 No, what he's saying is, in the Quran, those are the punishments that are for homosexuality, for adultery.
01:46:03.000 Those are the punishments. 1.00
01:46:04.000 You're supposed to be killed. 1.00
01:46:06.000 And they're saying that every Muslim agrees with this. 1.00
01:46:09.000 Everyone, at least in that group of 4,000 people, agrees with that man.
01:46:12.000 Whether or not that carries over to larger groups or whether or not people have a more moderate view.
01:46:17.000 That's a small group.
01:46:18.000 That's small, bro.
01:46:19.000 It's not the whole country, though.
01:46:21.000 I know, but everyone in the group agreed.
01:46:23.000 It's a weird thing when you can get that many people and they're all raising their hands and throwing rocks at people until they die.
01:46:28.000 But if you go to one of our ministries, the guys that always ask for money, there's big groups of people at the churches that you have on late night TVs.
01:46:39.000 Ministries.
01:46:42.000 If you see one of those, and he did the same thing, all those people might be like that awesome.
01:46:47.000 You know what I mean?
01:46:47.000 Is it all like-minded people drawn together in one place?
01:46:50.000 Could be.
01:46:51.000 Yeah, it could be.
01:46:52.000 But I think the difference being is that he's citing very specific passages In the religion that deal with crimes and punishments.
01:47:00.000 And that, you know, they're agreeing on murder.
01:47:05.000 Oh, yeah.
01:47:05.000 Basically.
01:47:06.000 Because it's the truth.
01:47:07.000 Yeah, because it's the truth.
01:47:08.000 That's all he said.
01:47:09.000 It's just the truth.
01:47:09.000 Yeah, that becomes a problem.
01:47:12.000 Yeah.
01:47:13.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:47:14.000 That's not just simply whether or not you think that other people should believe what you believe, but you believe if two guys fuck each other, they should throw rocks at them until they die. 1.00
01:47:24.000 That's amazing. 0.99
01:47:24.000 If you look at this group, if you really look at the people, they're all young people. 0.99
01:47:28.000 They all look like Call of Duty players, actually.
01:47:30.000 I don't even see one old person over the age of 20, 30. Well, it's kind of hard to see, quite honestly.
01:47:35.000 You see some people in the front row, but everything back behind that gets really blurry.
01:47:39.000 You don't really see how close up other faces.
01:47:42.000 But the front row, yeah, definitely young people.
01:47:44.000 I think a lot of radical religions, they find people that are looking for guidance.
01:47:49.000 They find people that are looking for some sort of...
01:47:52.000 A clear pattern.
01:47:53.000 There's something about that guy talking.
01:47:55.000 He was so confident that everyone was going to raise their hand along with him.
01:48:00.000 And the things that he was saying, there's this appeal to being a part of that.
01:48:06.000 You're drawn to the idea of being a part of this crazy group that is so down for what they believe that they think that you should kill people with rocks if they don't follow some old writing.
01:48:18.000 There's something appealing about that.
01:48:20.000 It becomes something like you become a part of some badass group if you join up with that.
01:48:25.000 You become a serious person who really believes in God.
01:48:29.000 It appeals to a weird aspect of the human psyche.
01:48:36.000 What's that song that's playing in the background?
01:48:40.000 I don't hear anything.
01:48:45.000 Something from someone's laptop or something leaking over.
01:48:48.000 Soundtrack to Islam.net.
01:48:49.000 Yeah. 0.98
01:48:52.000 It's just to freak out white people. 0.98
01:48:53.000 They probably don't even like that music. 0.99
01:48:56.000 We want to freak them out.
01:48:58.000 It's like a televangelist is what I was trying to think of earlier, but that's what it seemed like.
01:49:02.000 Did it look like they were all on board with that, though?
01:49:04.000 Because there was a lot of hesitation, it seemed like, on some of their faces.
01:49:07.000 Well, that dude in the right-hand corner with his arms crossed. 0.99
01:49:09.000 Yeah, that motherfucker never, that guy never raised his hands. 0.99
01:49:14.000 He's just looking at the ground, too. 1.00
01:49:16.000 He looks pretty Russian.
01:49:17.000 But a lot of them were kind of laughing a little bit, like they weren't even, like, I don't know if we do 100% believe this.
01:49:22.000 Well, I don't know about that.
01:49:24.000 I think you guys are looking into that.
01:49:25.000 When that dummy to the right side, because Islam is the truth. 1.00
01:49:27.000 It's that simple. 0.95
01:49:28.000 And Christianity and Judaism are not the truth. 1.00
01:49:30.000 Very nice. 1.00
01:49:31.000 You shut up, you dummy. 1.00
01:49:33.000 You're just trying to get friends. 1.00
01:49:35.000 You don't have any friends.
01:49:37.000 You don't have friends to be on your side.
01:49:38.000 You're old.
01:49:39.000 You're old and you're pretending that makes sense. 0.73
01:49:41.000 You don't have anybody that talks to you. 1.00
01:49:42.000 If you get that stupid beard and a pair of glasses and a fucking blazer on like you're a college professor and you say that in front of a group of people and don't know that it sounds retarded, you don't have any friends. 1.00
01:49:52.000 Did you know that there's an oculiff rift porn now? 1.00
01:49:54.000 I heard.
01:49:55.000 And it's connected to a fleshlight device.
01:49:57.000 I heard. 1.00
01:49:57.000 And then you just sit there and you get fucked. 1.00
01:50:00.000 I heard. 1.00
01:50:01.000 What is the guy seeing? 1.00
01:50:02.000 He's seeing an anime character that he's fucking. 1.00
01:50:06.000 Oh, wow. 1.00
01:50:06.000 That's so crazy. 1.00
01:50:07.000 And the more he fucks her, the more he... 1.00
01:50:10.000 That's so ridiculous. 1.00
01:50:11.000 And it's very South Park-like anime. 1.00
01:50:13.000 Ew, I don't want to see that guy's dick. 0.99
01:50:15.000 I just know that you're going to see some bass. 1.00
01:50:18.000 BASS! How low can you go?
01:50:23.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:50:26.000 It's a matter of time before they have a robot that fucks you. 0.97
01:50:29.000 I wonder if it'll be that first, or it'll be the new thing that Motorola came up with. 0.98
01:50:34.000 Have you seen this?
01:50:35.000 It's a patent for a tattoo.
01:50:37.000 That they're going to tattoo a microphone on your voice box.
01:50:41.000 Like some sort of electronic tattoo.
01:50:44.000 So they're going to literally implant, they're going to start implanting microphones on people's necks.
01:50:50.000 And with that, you're going to be able to talk directly to the device without any distortion or sound.
01:50:57.000 These aren't the droids we're looking at.
01:50:58.000 Yeah, exactly.
01:50:59.000 That's how it starts.
01:50:59.000 I mean, this is how it starts.
01:51:01.000 That's exactly how it starts.
01:51:02.000 It's more like by your command.
01:51:04.000 It'd be cool for people that have problems talking, you know, like with throat cancer or something like that.
01:51:09.000 No, it won't.
01:51:10.000 It won't have any barrier.
01:51:10.000 It's not a voice box.
01:51:11.000 It's just to the computer chip.
01:51:13.000 Yeah, it's just a microphone.
01:51:14.000 It's only a microphone. 1.00
01:51:16.000 See, they're going to tattoo that shit gangster style on your neck. 1.00
01:51:19.000 Like an Ethan Hawke movie. 1.00
01:51:21.000 Like an Ethan Hawke movie back when girls wanted to fuck him. 0.99
01:51:24.000 He probably did a few of these movies. 0.99
01:51:25.000 Back when he was still kind of cute.
01:51:27.000 Now he's like a dad.
01:51:28.000 He's a dad in a horror movie a lot.
01:51:30.000 But back then he was a cutie.
01:51:31.000 He was a cute, smart guy.
01:51:33.000 He was going to rescue you.
01:51:34.000 Because you have that tattoo on your neck and it starts glowing.
01:51:36.000 Which means your life tokens are up or something.
01:51:40.000 Did I just make a plot for a new hit?
01:51:43.000 Someone call Michael Bay.
01:51:45.000 It's a great idea.
01:51:46.000 Are you going to go see Thor?
01:51:47.000 Oh yeah, I would love to see Thor.
01:51:48.000 I love those movies. 0.99
01:51:49.000 I was a huge Marvel Comics fan growing up, so I see every one of those fucking things. 0.99
01:51:54.000 Iron Man, Thor, what have you. 0.99
01:51:55.000 I enjoyed Iron Man 3. I thought it was kind of interesting.
01:51:58.000 It wasn't as good as Iron Man 2, but it's still a good ride.
01:52:01.000 Same thing with Wolverine.
01:52:02.000 I love the new Wolverine.
01:52:03.000 It wasn't as good as the last one, but it was alright.
01:52:05.000 You thought Origins was better than this new one?
01:52:08.000 Yeah, I thought it was.
01:52:10.000 I thought that one with the bones coming out of his knuckles.
01:52:13.000 Come on.
01:52:14.000 There's a little...
01:52:15.000 But the Avengers, the Hulk scene alone for the Avengers was worth the price of admission.
01:52:20.000 They have the Hulk down.
01:52:22.000 For the longest time, they used to have to get a dude pretending to be the Hulk. 0.99
01:52:25.000 That was bullshit. 0.99
01:52:27.000 But now they can CGI the shit out of the Hulk. 1.00
01:52:29.000 It's the only thing that works with CGI better than it works in real life. 0.85
01:52:33.000 Because the Hulk is supposed to be this freakish thing that doesn't even look remotely like a person.
01:52:38.000 It's not supposed to be a bodybuilder. 1.00
01:52:41.000 The new one, the new Hulk is the shit, dude. 0.99
01:52:44.000 Yeah, I was worried about that at first, because I kind of liked Edward Norton playing it, and then I saw, and he fucking knocked it out of the park. 0.99
01:52:49.000 It was awesome. 1.00
01:52:50.000 Edward Norton can suck it. 0.99
01:52:52.000 After you see the new one, yeah. 1.00
01:52:53.000 It's over, bitch. 1.00
01:52:54.000 What's the guy's name? 1.00
01:52:55.000 Mark Ruffalo.
01:52:57.000 Mark Ruffalo.
01:52:58.000 Yeah, he's way better.
01:52:58.000 He nailed it.
01:52:59.000 He's way better.
01:53:00.000 I believe that he's going to turn to the Hulk.
01:53:02.000 That scene when he goes, the trick is I'm always angry?
01:53:05.000 Yeah, I believe it. 0.99
01:53:05.000 It's the best fucking scene of the movie. 0.99
01:53:06.000 I believe that that dude's just barely keeping it together. 0.99
01:53:08.000 Right.
01:53:08.000 And when he turns, man, it's...
01:53:11.000 Fucking fantastic. 0.97
01:53:12.000 But I didn't buy Scarlett Johansson surviving that. 1.00
01:53:15.000 Bitch, please. 1.00
01:53:16.000 All you got is some fucking flippy moves. 1.00
01:53:18.000 You got some gymnastics. 1.00
01:53:19.000 You got the Hulk chasing you, running through walls, and you just managed to survive.
01:53:23.000 Have you been watching S.H.I.E.L.D.? Suspension of disbelief.
01:53:27.000 Have you been watching Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. on NBC? No.
01:53:29.000 Is it any good?
01:53:30.000 Or whatever channel it's on.
01:53:31.000 I'm watching too many shows, dude.
01:53:32.000 But that one guy is in the show, the one that died in the Avengers.
01:53:35.000 Carlson.
01:53:35.000 Yeah, how the...
01:53:37.000 He died in the Avengers?
01:53:38.000 Yeah, I remember.
01:53:39.000 They make you think he does.
01:53:40.000 They give you like the playing card or something, right?
01:53:42.000 With blood on it.
01:53:43.000 That's right.
01:53:44.000 Yeah, I don't know. 0.99
01:53:45.000 They can do whatever the fuck they want. 0.99
01:53:46.000 They bring people back with time machines and shit. 1.00
01:53:48.000 It's comic books. 0.98
01:53:50.000 You believe it's Thor?
01:53:51.000 You believe it's really Thor?
01:53:52.000 I was just about to say that.
01:53:53.000 A guy came from another planet and our problem is there's a guy that maybe died.
01:53:57.000 Man, I'm not buying this. 1.00
01:53:59.000 This fucking show is over. 1.00
01:54:00.000 I buy that little skinny scientist guy could become a huge, hulking, 8,000-pound green man. 1.00
01:54:05.000 But not Scarlett Johansson doing backflips. 0.74
01:54:08.000 Yeah, I don't buy that.
01:54:09.000 The Hulk can fly through the air, but he can't catch Scarlett Johansson as she does gymnastics to get away from him.
01:54:15.000 He literally can leaf like a bullet through the air, and he can't catch her. 1.00
01:54:21.000 Bitch. 1.00
01:54:22.000 Continuity, you fucks! 1.00
01:54:24.000 How about a little continuity? 0.99
01:54:25.000 How about write something that makes more sense and don't have that scene? 0.98
01:54:29.000 Asshole. 0.99
01:54:31.000 I thought the best shit was Captain America and Iron Man duking it out. 1.00
01:54:35.000 In the woods? 1.00
01:54:36.000 Upset with each other.
01:54:37.000 Yeah, that was cool.
01:54:38.000 Well, it was Iron Man and Captain America. 1.00
01:54:39.000 They were talking shit to each other. 0.99
01:54:41.000 Remember? 1.00
01:54:42.000 It was Thor and Captain America.
01:54:44.000 Thor and Iron Man went to war, right? 1.00
01:54:46.000 But Captain America and Iron Man were talking shit to each other. 0.99
01:54:51.000 Because Captain America was like, yeah, we'll sue who you are without that machine. 1.00
01:54:54.000 He's like, bitch, you're on steroids. 1.00
01:54:55.000 Right. 1.00
01:54:58.000 Captain America was like a little skinny guy.
01:54:59.000 They gave him, like, the super-roids.
01:55:01.000 The serum.
01:55:02.000 Yeah, yeah.
01:55:02.000 Come on, son.
01:55:03.000 This is a stupid fucking argument we're having here. 1.00
01:55:06.000 That was a great scene. 1.00
01:55:07.000 Those are good movies, man.
01:55:08.000 They're fun. 1.00
01:55:09.000 They're stupid. 1.00
01:55:09.000 They're fun. 1.00
01:55:10.000 And when they're over, you feel like a boy again.
01:55:12.000 Right. 0.85
01:55:12.000 You feel like you just watched something retarded. 0.85
01:55:14.000 Nobody cried. 1.00
01:55:15.000 You didn't have to fucking explain yourself afterwards. 0.98
01:55:17.000 Well, I felt like she was being unfair to him because his whole... 0.98
01:55:21.000 There's that some ending you have to interpret?
01:55:23.000 Yeah.
01:55:25.000 Not interested. 1.00
01:55:26.000 Shit got blown up. 1.00
01:55:27.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:55:27.000 Women like to interpret films after they're over. 1.00
01:55:29.000 Guys like to try to fuck you, which I do. 1.00
01:55:31.000 We take you to a movie. 1.00
01:55:32.000 We're just trying to give you something fun to do before we fuck you. 1.00
01:55:38.000 It's very nice of us. 1.00
01:55:39.000 Or at least try to fuck you. 1.00
01:55:40.000 I mean, maybe you want to see it. 1.00
01:55:42.000 Is Bad Grandpa good?
01:55:43.000 That looks good.
01:55:43.000 I heard that was amazing.
01:55:45.000 Is it funny?
01:55:45.000 Yeah, everyone that saw it said it was amazing.
01:55:48.000 It looks fucking hilarious, too. 0.60
01:55:49.000 A lot of it in Columbus, Ohio, was filmed, too, by the way. 0.96
01:55:52.000 Fun fact.
01:55:53.000 Really?
01:55:53.000 Yep.
01:55:53.000 A lot of dumb people know how to pull their shit off.
01:55:57.000 They don't realize that's Johnny Knoxville. 1.00
01:55:59.000 They're like, what are you, retarded? 1.00
01:56:01.000 They haven't even gotten the first jackass yet. 0.99
01:56:03.000 Yeah, if you don't know, that's the amazing thing they can do now with makeup. 0.97
01:56:08.000 Even back when Jamie Kennedy had that show, the Jamie Kennedy experience, the makeup was a little sketchy.
01:56:14.000 You had to be kind of gullible to fall for it, but now he looks like an old guy, man.
01:56:20.000 It's perfect.
01:56:21.000 I would really like to see it in person.
01:56:23.000 You know what I mean?
01:56:25.000 Have you ever seen that kind of makeup on somebody?
01:56:27.000 Yes.
01:56:27.000 Oh, you have?
01:56:27.000 Yeah, I have.
01:56:28.000 I saw when Kevin James was doing Here Comes the Boom, they made him up like he got the shit kicked out of him. 0.96
01:56:34.000 Dude, I believed it. 0.98
01:56:35.000 Totally believed it.
01:56:36.000 He looked like a guy who just got beat up.
01:56:38.000 They gave him, like, welts, they put him cuts, and it was amazing. 0.99
01:56:42.000 They can make you look pretty fucked up. 0.99
01:56:45.000 And they can, you know, they can do some pretty amazing shit, like with making you look old, especially. 0.99
01:56:50.000 You can't make an old guy look young. 0.99
01:56:52.000 You gotta do that with, like, special effects.
01:56:54.000 But you can make a young guy look old pretty easy.
01:56:56.000 That would be cool if they could make old guys look young now. 0.97
01:56:59.000 It never looks right.
01:57:00.000 It never looks right in the movies when they do that.
01:57:02.000 This thing that I've been doing for my back, this Regino Keen...
01:57:06.000 And anybody, if you have...
01:57:07.000 If anybody has a back injury and, like, a bulging disc situation...
01:57:12.000 My bulging disc has completely gone away.
01:57:15.000 And I just found this out through MRIs.
01:57:18.000 I had a 6mm bulging disc in my neck that was numbing my fingers.
01:57:22.000 And through spinal decompression, which is this thing where it pulls in your neck and extends your discs, and they draw back in.
01:57:32.000 And you do it slowly over a long period of time.
01:57:34.000 A lot of stretching, changing my diet, a lot of rolfing and all that stuff.
01:57:38.000 And something called prolozone therapy, which is prolo therapy, which strengthens ligaments and tendons.
01:57:44.000 And it's mixed with ozone, which helps you heal.
01:57:46.000 Just doing all that stuff, my disc has completely stopped swelling.
01:57:51.000 It's gone down to where it looks like a normal disc now, which is crazy.
01:57:54.000 That means six millimeters went back in.
01:57:56.000 And I didn't do jujitsu for more than six months.
01:57:59.000 So I knew that I wasn't...
01:58:00.000 I just gave myself the time.
01:58:02.000 I was still able to work out in a lot of ways, but I knew that if I got my neck yanked on again, it would probably go right back.
01:58:08.000 Are you going to go back to Jiu Jitsu, you think?
01:58:09.000 Yeah, definitely.
01:58:10.000 But now this Regino Keen stuff that I've been doing is this thing that they developed in Germany, and it's this blood spinning procedure. 0.87
01:58:16.000 They take your blood and then they introduce it to heat.
01:58:20.000 And the heat makes your blood grow like white blood cells, I believe.
01:58:23.000 And then they spin it in a centrifuge and they draw this yellow liquid out of it that turns out to be like the most potent anti-inflammatory drug known to man.
01:58:32.000 Your own body makes it.
01:58:34.000 Your blood makes it. 1.00
01:58:35.000 They figured this shit out in Germany. 1.00
01:58:37.000 And they do it in Santa Monica now. 0.99
01:58:38.000 But the guy in Germany has figured out a way to...
01:58:41.000 They're very close to being able to give you an injection that restarts your body's production of collagen, which is what gives people wrinkles.
01:58:48.000 So when old dudes get wrinkles or old women get wrinkles, this will let your body restart its collagen production and your wrinkles in your face will start to disappear. 1.00
01:59:00.000 Wow.
01:59:00.000 They're two years away from curing wrinkles.
01:59:03.000 It's incredible.
01:59:04.000 Nice. 1.00
01:59:05.000 Fuck cancer, we got wrinkles down. 1.00
01:59:07.000 That's how vain we are as a country. 1.00
01:59:09.000 They're gonna have a lot of things down by then. 0.56
01:59:11.000 You're still gonna die, but you're gonna look great. 1.00
01:59:13.000 They cure a lot of fucking cancer now, man. 1.00
01:59:16.000 A lot of cancer. 1.00
01:59:17.000 When they pull this out of you, they just inject it back in?
01:59:20.000 They spin it in a centrifuge.
01:59:23.000 If you just look up the Regenokine, I think it's R-E-G-E-N-O-K-I-N-E, they explain the process. 1.00
01:59:33.000 I think it has a different name in German.
01:59:34.000 It's called Orthokine or something like that.
01:59:37.000 But basically, it's a blood spinning procedure.
01:59:40.000 It's not like platelet-rich plasma.
01:59:42.000 It's different.
01:59:43.000 And it's getting your blood to react to heat.
01:59:48.000 And then they spin it, and they withdraw the stuff out of it.
01:59:51.000 And people with arthritis, people that have serious injuries.
01:59:54.000 Peyton Manning started his football career.
01:59:57.000 He was almost retiring.
01:59:59.000 He had two neck surgeries.
02:00:00.000 Went to that dude in Germany.
02:00:01.000 Bam! 0.98
02:00:02.000 Playing football like a champ now.
02:00:04.000 I know several MMA athletes that have gone over there.
02:00:08.000 The place in Santa Monica and the place in Germany.
02:00:10.000 They get their knees fixed.
02:00:11.000 People with serious arthritis, they get shot with this stuff.
02:00:15.000 And within a week, they have this incredible range of motion that they haven't had in years.
02:00:19.000 It's amazing stuff. 0.98
02:00:21.000 These doctors are so fucking smart, man. 0.96
02:00:24.000 There's just like every year, they're figuring out some new thing. 0.99
02:00:27.000 And every year, they're making people healthier, fixing injuries.
02:00:32.000 I keep hearing that sound.
02:00:33.000 I think it's outside.
02:00:36.000 It's not coming through the microphone, it's coming through outside somewhere.
02:00:40.000 Yeah, I think it might be like a UPS truck thing or something.
02:00:43.000 Maybe squeaky wheels. 0.99
02:00:45.000 But it's just, it's so incredible when you see all the different shit. 0.98
02:00:49.000 Did you see that thing where a guy made a 3D, in a 3D printer, made an artificial hand for his son? 0.99
02:00:57.000 No.
02:00:58.000 Yeah.
02:00:59.000 Yeah, for like 10 bucks.
02:01:02.000 That's awesome.
02:01:03.000 Wow.
02:01:04.000 They also figured out a way to make the first functional gun in a metal 3D printer.
02:01:09.000 They made a metal 3D printer and they made a pistol and fired off 50 rounds of this pistol.
02:01:17.000 That's scary, though. 1.00
02:01:18.000 Fuck yeah, it is. 1.00
02:01:18.000 That's fucking terrifying. 1.00
02:01:19.000 It's all crazy. 1.00
02:01:21.000 Is this the hand that this guy had?
02:01:23.000 He created this?
02:01:25.000 If you look at a $10 hand.
02:01:27.000 It's hard to see what that is.
02:01:29.000 Brady Pinner's good boy hand.
02:01:30.000 His hand is holding that object.
02:01:33.000 Hand he never had.
02:01:34.000 That's the metal things are his fingers.
02:01:37.000 Wow.
02:01:38.000 Yeah, he's holding something, like a pipe or something.
02:01:41.000 But we're really close.
02:01:43.000 I met a guy in New York when I was doing that.
02:01:45.000 See if you can click on that link and show the video.
02:01:47.000 I met a guy in New York when we were doing that sci-fi show that had a complete artificial hand.
02:01:53.000 Look at that.
02:01:55.000 Ten bucks.
02:01:57.000 Amazing. 1.00
02:01:58.000 Made it with a fucking digital printer. 1.00
02:02:00.000 It cost me $50 to get headshots printed at Kinko's the other day. 1.00
02:02:04.000 Headshots.
02:02:06.000 Headshots. 1.00
02:02:06.000 This guy got a fucking hand. 1.00
02:02:08.000 Headshots are hilarious. 1.00
02:02:10.000 This one guy in Australia got his leg and his arm bitten off by a shark.
02:02:15.000 And he got a new artificial arm and an artificial leg.
02:02:18.000 These robotic bionic carbon fiber arms and legs.
02:02:22.000 It's great.
02:02:23.000 And he walks around, dude, with no limp. 0.99
02:02:25.000 It's the weirdest shit ever. 0.99
02:02:27.000 Let me find this. 0.99
02:02:28.000 A man gets artificial limbs after bitten off by a shark.
02:02:42.000 Let's see if we can find this.
02:02:43.000 Yeah, giant shark...
02:02:45.000 Ooh, nope.
02:02:47.000 Killed. 0.99
02:02:47.000 Killed South African. 0.99
02:02:50.000 German tourists on life support after losing arm in Hawaii. 1.00
02:02:53.000 Wow, there's a lot of fucking people who get killed by sharks, dude. 1.00
02:02:57.000 Reek! 1.00
02:03:00.000 Bionic leg helps shark attack victim walk.
02:03:03.000 Is that it?
02:03:04.000 No, not in it.
02:03:06.000 This is it.
02:03:08.000 Matt Lauer.
02:03:09.000 To what is being called the world's first bionic man.
02:03:12.000 We're going to check him out in action in just a minute, but first, how the bionic man came to be.
02:03:17.000 No way. 0.99
02:03:18.000 What the fuck? 0.99
02:03:20.000 That's not right. 1.00
02:03:22.000 Matt Lauer's the bionic man.
02:03:24.000 That was creepy, wasn't it?
02:03:28.000 Oh, 100% biotic, man.
02:03:31.000 That's kind of interesting.
02:03:33.000 It's a nearly bionic man assembled from prosthetics and artificial parts already in real use in real people.
02:03:41.000 We might change what it means to be human.
02:03:42.000 Artificial heart, artificial trachea, artificial bionic hands, artificial eyesight, implantable kidney, artificial blood, bionic exoskeleton, restoring walking ability to people who are paralyzed.
02:03:56.000 28 different parts in all together for the first time.
02:04:00.000 Bertolt Meyer, a Swiss social psychologist, hosts an upcoming special on the project.
02:04:05.000 That's crazy.
02:04:06.000 Whoa.
02:04:08.000 Whoa.
02:04:10.000 Yeah, we're only a few hundred years away from not being able to tell whether or not a person's a robot.
02:04:15.000 Yep.
02:04:16.000 In 200 years?
02:04:17.000 I think...
02:04:18.000 I'm not...
02:04:18.000 That's not even a conservative gamble.
02:04:20.000 200 years is...
02:04:22.000 It's probably not even 100, really.
02:04:25.000 Right.
02:04:25.000 And when I say 200 years, I mean, that's like...
02:04:30.000 That's 100%, right?
02:04:31.000 If we don't blow ourselves up, 200 years from now.
02:04:34.000 Right, if we make it to 200 years.
02:04:35.000 They're already living among us, guys.
02:04:37.000 You think?
02:04:38.000 Yes.
02:04:38.000 Just think about 200 years ago, slavery was legal.
02:04:43.000 Wrap your head around that.
02:04:45.000 Could you imagine what we're going to see when we're super old?
02:04:48.000 What we're going to tell our kids and grandkids?
02:04:51.000 200 years ago, no photographs?
02:04:53.000 Nope.
02:04:54.000 No cars.
02:04:55.000 Slavery is legal. 1.00
02:04:56.000 You're riding around animals like an asshole. 1.00
02:04:59.000 You have a horse. 1.00
02:05:01.000 You take your stupid, stinky horse everywhere and you have to tie it up. 1.00
02:05:04.000 It shits all over the place. 1.00
02:05:05.000 You know what outer space was. 1.00
02:05:07.000 You don't know what the fuck that is. 1.00
02:05:08.000 It's a bunch of fucking gods up there lighting candles. 1.00
02:05:12.000 Yeah, nobody knew. 1.00
02:05:13.000 200 years ago, it's so long ago when you think of like, if you had to go back in time and live like people lived 200 years ago, it would suck a fat one. 0.87
02:05:23.000 It wouldn't even be a little fun. 0.96
02:05:24.000 Everybody would die.
02:05:26.000 Every time the flu comes into town, all your best friends are dead.
02:05:28.000 Dead.
02:05:29.000 Dead.
02:05:30.000 You don't live. 0.95
02:05:31.000 If you get an infection, dead.
02:05:33.000 You just gotta survive at that point.
02:05:35.000 200 years later, we're talking about 200 years from now where there's robots that you literally can't tell if it's a person or a robot.
02:05:43.000 For sure, right?
02:05:44.000 100%.
02:05:45.000 And no wrinkles.
02:05:46.000 I think they're already here.
02:05:47.000 Do you think that robot prostitutes will be the first market? 0.96
02:05:50.000 Oh, yeah. 0.91
02:05:50.000 Probably, right? 0.91
02:05:51.000 Violence or sex? 1.00
02:05:52.000 How much blowback do you think there will be with robot prostitutes if women, you know, will women, like, draw a line in the sand that fucking robot is a cheating thing? 1.00
02:06:02.000 I'm sure they'll find a way to justify that. 0.99
02:06:04.000 Yeah, like, when will it come?
02:06:06.000 Like, okay, let's say, like, what if the robot looks like this alien head?
02:06:10.000 Doesn't look remotely like a person. 1.00
02:06:12.000 Looks fake as fuck. 0.99
02:06:14.000 If the robot looks like this, By the way, that one that you sent me today or last night, that's amazing. 0.99
02:06:21.000 Same guy.
02:06:22.000 Wow, that was crazy.
02:06:24.000 Yeah, that's a zombie that he made for us.
02:06:26.000 I can't wait to see that in person.
02:06:28.000 Can normal people order these?
02:06:30.000 Well, I'll find out.
02:06:32.000 I'll find out what his deal is.
02:06:33.000 His name is Francisco Hernandez, and he's in LA. He's an LA guy.
02:06:38.000 But he made me this fucking dope-ass zombie that's coming here in this week. 1.00
02:06:42.000 Yeah. 0.99
02:06:43.000 Yeah, it's so cool to just be able to get artists to create shit for us. 0.98
02:06:47.000 It's so cool. 0.98
02:06:48.000 So many different things.
02:06:49.000 I've got to bring the gorilla in the... 1.00
02:06:51.000 The werewolf fucking the gorilla in the ass. 1.00
02:06:54.000 I still have that at home. 1.00
02:06:55.000 Oh, yeah, yeah. 1.00
02:06:55.000 The guy just shows up at the fucking ice house. 1.00
02:06:59.000 I'm like, what is this? 0.99
02:07:00.000 I open it up. 1.00
02:07:01.000 It's a fucking werewolf fucking a gorilla in the ass. 1.00
02:07:03.000 The greatest thing. 1.00
02:07:04.000 Because of an idea that I had, a dream I had once.
02:07:06.000 It was a werewolf and a gorilla having sex, and I was trying to creep around the outside of the room so they didn't notice and get out of there. 1.00
02:07:13.000 That dude made me the death squad cat, but he has a huge hog, like a big dick. 1.00
02:07:19.000 That dude's a freak. 1.00
02:07:20.000 He's awesome. 0.98
02:07:21.000 That dude's a freak. 0.99
02:07:23.000 So back to what you were saying, so something as ugly as like, they would still get mad if we had sex with it. 0.99
02:07:30.000 Yeah, that's what I'm saying. 0.82
02:07:33.000 If it looks like a fake thing, women probably would treat it like a fleshlight. 1.00
02:07:38.000 Right.
02:07:39.000 But as it gets closer and closer to a real person.
02:07:41.000 If it looks like Robbie the Robot from Lost in Space, danger!
02:07:45.000 Danger! 1.00
02:07:46.000 You can stick your dick in that. 1.00
02:07:47.000 No one's going to say anything. 1.00
02:07:48.000 Would they let you print out a face of her, though?
02:07:52.000 So if it looks just like your wife? 1.00
02:07:54.000 Yeah, but then you come home, her face is covered in seven inches of cum. 1.00
02:07:58.000 You never clean it. 1.00
02:07:59.000 You just keep shooting on her face.
02:08:00.000 And she's like, what are you doing? 0.82
02:08:01.000 Are you trying to drown me? 1.00
02:08:02.000 Is this some passive-aggressive shit? 1.00
02:08:04.000 Trying to drown me and cum? 1.00
02:08:05.000 Or you're married to a brunette and you come home and the robot's blonde. 1.00
02:08:08.000 And that's when she just freaks the fuck out. 1.00
02:08:10.000 You come home, you're putting black face on your robot. 1.00
02:08:12.000 Your wife is like, what the fuck do you really want? 1.00
02:08:15.000 It's like, I knew it! 1.00
02:08:16.000 Did you know a teacher got fired in Toronto because he dressed up like Mr. T for Halloween and put blackface on?
02:08:24.000 Yeah.
02:08:24.000 Well, you can't be Mr. T without it.
02:08:26.000 How the fuck? 1.00
02:08:27.000 That is so dumb. 1.00
02:08:29.000 A guy has a Mr. T outfit on and he's not allowed to darken his skin. 1.00
02:08:34.000 What kind of bullshit PC world are we living in? 0.98
02:08:37.000 Somebody in San Diego, the same thing happened because he dressed up as a bobsled team member. 0.99
02:08:42.000 And a bobsled team member actually said, oh no, that's funny.
02:08:45.000 I like that.
02:08:45.000 Look, I'm going to take the opposite on this.
02:08:48.000 All sympathies to that, but if you're a teacher and you know how sensitive people are, when you're pulling your Mr. T costume out of the closet, you've got to go, you know what, I probably shouldn't do this.
02:08:57.000 Yeah, but your mayor smokes crack and wants to kill Mike Tyson. 0.98
02:09:01.000 Yeah, no kidding.
02:09:02.000 As you're applying backface as a teacher, you should go, yeah, this is probably not going to sit well with people. 1.00
02:09:07.000 Assholes. 0.99
02:09:08.000 I love Toronto. 1.00
02:09:09.000 Toronto's the shit. 1.00
02:09:11.000 Toronto is the shit. 1.00
02:09:13.000 It's an amazing, amazing city. 1.00
02:09:14.000 It's really crazy because it's like a city, but yet it's also like a bunch of really nice people.
02:09:20.000 It's almost like small town-y.
02:09:22.000 It's very strange.
02:09:23.000 I think it's one of the rare cities in this country that has a very unique vibe of its own.
02:09:29.000 Vancouver has a vibe of its own as well.
02:09:32.000 Montreal has a vibe of its own as well.
02:09:34.000 Very great vibe too.
02:09:35.000 Montreal's a great comedy town.
02:09:37.000 But Toronto, I think it's my favorite city in Canada.
02:09:40.000 Me too.
02:09:41.000 There's just something special about that place. 0.99
02:09:43.000 I would move there even though it's cold as fuck. 0.99
02:09:46.000 That's how much I love Toronto. 0.99
02:09:48.000 Like if shit got weird, I don't know if I'd live in Vancouver. 0.99
02:09:51.000 I think I might live in Vancouver, but Vancouver, even though it doesn't get cold, it gets like a lot of rainy and shit and... 0.99
02:09:58.000 Toronto's pretty dope. 0.97
02:09:59.000 And it's got a great comedy community as well.
02:10:01.000 Yeah.
02:10:02.000 Toronto's got a suite.
02:10:03.000 It's a lot of comics there.
02:10:06.000 Joey Diaz. 1.00
02:10:07.000 What the fuck? 1.00
02:10:08.000 Don't put me on speakerphone. 1.00
02:10:09.000 I have something to tell you.
02:10:11.000 Can't be calling me in the middle of a podcast, Joey.
02:10:13.000 How dare you?
02:10:13.000 I just noticed we have the exact same phone, but yours is black with a white case, and mine's white with a black case.
02:10:20.000 Want to swap cases?
02:10:21.000 You want a black case?
02:10:22.000 Oh no, I wanted to contrast it. 1.00
02:10:24.000 Oh, you're crazy. 0.96
02:10:25.000 I like the white case because I can see it. 0.99
02:10:28.000 Because I put the black case down, everything's black, black leather, black...
02:10:32.000 Yeah, I don't see it as much.
02:10:34.000 I like it.
02:10:35.000 I got this because they didn't have the black, but then once I ordered the black in the mail, I put the black on and said, you know what, I like the white better.
02:10:43.000 But that case is the perfect case.
02:10:45.000 It's kind of cool too when you close it, like the window on the outside of it.
02:10:48.000 It shows the...
02:10:50.000 It makes a window.
02:10:51.000 Yeah, it does a weird thing.
02:10:52.000 You have things like camera access.
02:10:56.000 You can just access your camera.
02:10:57.000 There's so much more you can do with these droid phones than with an iPhone. 0.97
02:11:01.000 I mean, it's a big goddamn difference. 0.92
02:11:03.000 I'm about to jump over. 0.97
02:11:04.000 Yeah.
02:11:05.000 Yeah, I hate my iPhone.
02:11:06.000 Well, I don't hate the iPhone.
02:11:07.000 It's just too small.
02:11:09.000 The screen is just...
02:11:10.000 When you compare it even to the Galaxy S4, it's just too small.
02:11:13.000 They just need to catch up.
02:11:14.000 They need to catch up.
02:11:15.000 I don't think they're going to.
02:11:16.000 The thing that I... One of the other reasons why I wanted to try a Droid out is because when I'm honest and I look at it, I think Apple makes the greatest computers on Earth.
02:11:25.000 I don't see myself switching from the Apple laptops.
02:11:28.000 I've tried Windows.
02:11:30.000 I think they're too vulnerable.
02:11:31.000 I know Mac is vulnerable as well.
02:11:33.000 I don't think it's as vulnerable.
02:11:35.000 And I just think it's higher quality.
02:11:37.000 I think they work better. 0.84
02:11:38.000 If I was on a budget, fuck yeah, I'd get a laptop from Windows. 0.84
02:11:41.000 I'd get a Lenovo or something like that. 0.98
02:11:43.000 There's some good brands.
02:11:44.000 But if you can afford it, Apple's are better.
02:11:47.000 But then I see all the different people that are working on phones.
02:11:51.000 And I go, you know what?
02:11:52.000 I don't see it with phones anymore.
02:11:54.000 With phones, I see too many companies...
02:11:56.000 That are working on Android.
02:11:58.000 Too many.
02:11:59.000 There's too much competition.
02:12:01.000 They're constantly innovating.
02:12:02.000 They're constantly cranking out new phones.
02:12:05.000 They have new features.
02:12:06.000 They have new camera megapixels. 1.00
02:12:08.000 What is this megapixel on this fucking camera? 1.00
02:12:09.000 I don't know. 0.99
02:12:10.000 It's pretty good though. 0.97
02:12:11.000 Some insane like 12 or some shit like that. 0.97
02:12:13.000 I don't even know what it is. 0.62
02:12:14.000 I do think I like the iPhone's camera a lot better though.
02:12:17.000 Do you?
02:12:17.000 Yeah, after using it a lot...
02:12:19.000 Do you fuck with the settings, though? 0.99
02:12:21.000 Well, I have iPhone 5S, and the camera, they have a really nice lens in this one. 0.99
02:12:26.000 Better?
02:12:26.000 Yeah, it's way better than the...
02:12:28.000 I've been taking test shoots and stuff like that.
02:12:30.000 Still better, I think.
02:12:32.000 That's too bad. 1.00
02:12:33.000 Why don't they come out with a bigger fucking phone? 0.99
02:12:34.000 I would go back. 0.99
02:12:36.000 It's coming. 0.99
02:12:36.000 Cunt bags. 0.99
02:12:37.000 I bet it's coming. 1.00
02:12:38.000 Dirty bitches. 1.00
02:12:39.000 Get it together. 1.00
02:12:40.000 I actually talked to somebody that knows, like their friend works for Apple.
02:12:44.000 You're going to get them fired.
02:12:46.000 I don't know the person in real life.
02:12:48.000 I was just talking to him, and he's like, yeah, he's saying how just sad it is right now.
02:12:53.000 Oh, really?
02:12:54.000 It's just like everyone that even works there is kind of not just excited.
02:12:58.000 Yeah, he's dead.
02:13:02.000 When a guy like Steve Jobs is not alive anymore, things are going to get weird.
02:13:07.000 That guy was like a primal force.
02:13:10.000 He was like a force of nature.
02:13:12.000 The guy literally lived and breathed that company.
02:13:17.000 And when a guy like that, I mean, he only took like a dollar in salary every year.
02:13:20.000 I mean, he was like a maniac, you know? 1.00
02:13:23.000 He lived for that fucking company. 1.00
02:13:25.000 And everybody says that he was a cunt and like you would yell at employees and shit, but could you imagine if you were like an incredibly obsessed motherfucker and your employees were just regular people just going to work? 1.00
02:13:36.000 You're like, yeah, they ain't got to cut it. 1.00
02:13:38.000 Right.
02:13:39.000 You know, you got to be obsessed like me. 1.00
02:13:40.000 I'm like, God's an asshole. 1.00
02:13:41.000 And he is an asshole. 1.00
02:13:42.000 You know, if people are having a job, they shouldn't have to work 90 hours a week. 1.00
02:13:46.000 Okay? 0.99
02:13:46.000 But there's some companies that demand crazy shit like that. 0.99
02:13:49.000 And then eventually employees, like, wake up and go, what the fuck am I doing? 0.99
02:13:53.000 Speaking of which, Cliffy B's coming on the podcast. 0.85
02:13:55.000 Yay! 0.99
02:13:55.000 He'll be on soon. 0.99
02:13:56.000 Speaking of free agents...
02:13:59.000 There's an app that I don't want to talk about. 1.00
02:14:02.000 Don't talk about it then, bitch. 1.00
02:14:04.000 Put his picture up on the screen. 1.00
02:14:06.000 What the fuck is wrong with you? 0.99
02:14:08.000 What's wrong with you? 1.00
02:14:09.000 I want to tell you about it.
02:14:12.000 Everyone else is going to talk about it very soon, so I don't know if we should even wait.
02:14:15.000 What's the issue?
02:14:16.000 It's just one of these apps that, you know, as a guy you can't use, but girls can, and I've been trying to hack the system, like make fake Facebook pages and all this stuff just so I can... 0.99
02:14:27.000 Oh, I know what you're talking about.
02:14:29.000 I know exactly what you're talking about.
02:14:30.000 We'll talk about this afterwards. 0.99
02:14:33.000 I don't even know what the fuck we're saying. 0.99
02:14:34.000 It's really bad. 0.99
02:14:36.000 Yeah.
02:14:37.000 Okay.
02:14:39.000 Justin Foster, what has the process been like of moving from Dallas to L.A.? Was there any hiccups along the way?
02:14:48.000 It was just frustrating at first.
02:14:51.000 Because, I mean, moving as a comic, because when you're in a place for so long and you're used to regular stage time, you're used to doing...
02:14:59.000 And then you come here and at first it's like two minutes at a coffee shop and then waiting around two hours to do three minutes.
02:15:06.000 So that was kind of frustrating.
02:15:07.000 You know what I mean?
02:15:08.000 Because I wanted to be up more, I guess.
02:15:10.000 But then after a while, this is the spots that you hit and everything.
02:15:14.000 Did you feel like, was there any point in time where you felt like, you know what, I'm just fucking spinning my wheels. 0.58
02:15:19.000 I gotta get back to Texas.
02:15:21.000 I gotta get back to Texas and try to...
02:15:23.000 No.
02:15:24.000 There was a couple of times when I came really close, money-wise. 0.99
02:15:27.000 I'm like, fuck, I'm running out of money. 0.99
02:15:28.000 I don't want to be homeless. 0.99
02:15:29.000 But then something would come up.
02:15:32.000 And I felt...
02:15:35.000 There was more of a challenge here, because you do have to start over, I believe, as a comic.
02:15:38.000 Anywhere else in the country, when you come to LA, you have to start, unless you're already established TV and shit, which I'm not.
02:15:42.000 You have to start over from the beginning, and I kind of hated slash enjoyed that.
02:15:46.000 Yeah, even when I was on TV, when I came here, I was already on TV, and I had an audition at the store.
02:15:52.000 I didn't get passed.
02:15:53.000 I was a non-paid regular for a few months, and then I finally got paid regular status, and I got late night spots.
02:16:00.000 But yeah, you gotta pay your dues, man. 0.99
02:16:01.000 I didn't give a shit if you had a sitcom. 0.99
02:16:02.000 No one gives a fuck how long you've been doing it in what other town. 0.99
02:16:05.000 If you're not doing it in LA, you're not really doing it. 0.98
02:16:06.000 Yeah, yeah.
02:16:07.000 It's a different thing.
02:16:09.000 It's also, there's so many people out here, they can't just trust you that you're good.
02:16:12.000 Right.
02:16:12.000 You know?
02:16:13.000 Yeah.
02:16:13.000 It's just too many.
02:16:15.000 I mean, you're going to go up at the comedy store or the Laugh Factory, and there's going to be 10 guys that have been on movies, TV shows, and back to back to back to back to back, and all doing 15 minutes, you know?
02:16:24.000 And you want your 15 minutes? 0.99
02:16:26.000 You've got to earn that shit. 1.00
02:16:27.000 Right, exactly. 1.00
02:16:27.000 And so it's easy to get frustrated at first and go, ah, fuck this, I'm going back home. 1.00
02:16:31.000 But then everybody I talked to was like, you just gotta fight through all that shit. 0.99
02:16:34.000 How long you been here now? 1.00
02:16:35.000 Almost two.
02:16:36.000 Two years.
02:16:37.000 You gotta do one of our Ice House shows.
02:16:39.000 I'd love to.
02:16:39.000 I love that place.
02:16:40.000 Yeah, we'll probably do one not this Wednesday coming up, but next Wednesday.
02:16:46.000 Cool.
02:16:46.000 Most likely, if I got the time.
02:16:51.000 Can I bring up the new show that I'm doing at the Ice House?
02:16:53.000 Yeah. 0.97
02:16:54.000 It's this new show called Thunder Pussy that I do. 0.99
02:16:57.000 Of course it is. 1.00
02:16:58.000 It's called Thunder Pussy? 0.99
02:17:00.000 Yeah. 0.99
02:17:00.000 Who are you doing it with? 0.99
02:17:01.000 Jeremiah Watkins, a very funny comic.
02:17:03.000 He's been doing this show for a while in Hollywood, and I got to do it once, and I'm like, we need to make this big.
02:17:09.000 What we do is we take seven comics and then we all go up on stage and people from the audience yell out things like microwave.
02:17:16.000 And then we kind of have to try to just make up comedy on the spot.
02:17:19.000 But it's a live podcast also.
02:17:22.000 Comics have been asking me for a while or people have been asking me for a while to put a podcast up That shows stand-up comedy.
02:17:28.000 And it's like, no one wants to throw their material away like that.
02:17:31.000 So this is a perfect way that comics can go on stage, kind of show their improv skills, you know, and they don't care if it's online.
02:17:38.000 And I've been getting a lot of new material from it, from doing it. 0.53
02:17:41.000 You know, like, I've got two new bits off just people yelling shit out.
02:17:44.000 Yeah, that totally makes sense. 0.97
02:17:45.000 Got it!
02:17:46.000 That totally makes sense.
02:17:47.000 Especially, like, I used to do that after shows.
02:17:50.000 I used to do Q&As.
02:17:52.000 But the problem with that is, like, you've already done, like, an hour and ten minutes of actual comedy, then trying to make some funny out of the Q&A. Like, sometimes it'd be a drop-off.
02:18:01.000 They'd be like, crushing, crushing, you know, everything was laugh, laugh, laugh, and then question and answer was, like, just Dragged out and weird and you didn't know how to end it.
02:18:10.000 Then you end it and people are like, oh, is that good?
02:18:12.000 I don't know.
02:18:12.000 It was great for an hour and ten minutes and then it just became, you know.
02:18:15.000 You'd be fucking good at that, Joe. 0.99
02:18:17.000 Yeah, I would do it. 0.98
02:18:18.000 I'll definitely do it.
02:18:19.000 When do you guys do it?
02:18:21.000 Usually it's Friday. 0.81
02:18:23.000 We have Ice House Chronicles, you know, but now we're doing every other Friday we're doing Thunder Pussy.
02:18:27.000 But we'll do it whenever you want to do it.
02:18:29.000 Yeah, I don't know if Friday will ever work.
02:18:31.000 Like a lot of times on Friday, I'm either working or...
02:18:35.000 But we'll do it one day eventually.
02:18:38.000 I'm going to do it so high I can't talk.
02:18:40.000 Yeah, that's how I do it.
02:18:41.000 I get so drunk and stoned.
02:18:45.000 And then I just go crazy.
02:18:47.000 And it's fun because I've gotten so much...
02:18:48.000 It's a fun show, man.
02:18:49.000 Yeah, it seems like the place to put yourself.
02:18:52.000 When you know you don't have an act to remember, that'd be the perfect place to put yourself.
02:18:56.000 No stress. 0.93
02:18:57.000 And knowing you're only going to be up there for like five minutes or ten minutes or whatever the fuck it is. 0.99
02:19:00.000 And if you fuck up, it's like, well, you guys should have picked something better to yell out. 1.00
02:19:03.000 Yeah, and if you fuck up, that's exactly right. 1.00
02:19:05.000 This is on y'all. 0.99
02:19:05.000 Yeah. 0.99
02:19:06.000 Yeah.
02:19:07.000 Well, you can have some fun times doing that with the right crowds too, especially if the crowd develops a feel for it.
02:19:14.000 And who's the kid who you do it with again?
02:19:16.000 Jeremiah Watkins, very funny guy.
02:19:17.000 Where's he from?
02:19:18.000 He's got a strong background.
02:19:19.000 I believe he's from California, but he's got a strong improv background.
02:19:23.000 Yeah, he was on my podcast last week.
02:19:24.000 Oh, really?
02:19:25.000 Oh yeah, what's your podcast?
02:19:26.000 You've got a podcast too?
02:19:27.000 Everyone's got a podcast.
02:19:27.000 I figured there wasn't enough comics in LA doing podcasts.
02:19:31.000 Yeah, there's no one.
02:19:32.000 You're amazing.
02:19:33.000 How'd you figure out how to do it?
02:19:35.000 I just figured it was an undepth market.
02:19:37.000 What's it called?
02:19:38.000 Foster the Podcast.
02:19:40.000 Foster the Podcast.
02:19:41.000 That's a kind of double entendre.
02:19:43.000 Yeah, it's basically just people come on and tell like a really quick, awful story that most of them aren't comfortable with telling.
02:19:51.000 That's what you're...
02:19:52.000 That's it.
02:19:52.000 That's all it is?
02:19:53.000 Yeah.
02:19:53.000 Oh, that's funny.
02:19:54.000 It's like 15 to 20 minutes.
02:19:56.000 Why do you always do that?
02:19:58.000 It just entertains. 0.99
02:20:00.000 It's funny to see and hear shit, because you think, oh, I've heard everything, and then somebody else will come on, and you'll be like, oh, okay, I haven't. 0.99
02:20:06.000 Do you worry that you're going to run out of people coming up with crazy stories, though? 0.99
02:20:09.000 No.
02:20:10.000 No, not in this town. 1.00
02:20:11.000 Not in this fucking town. 1.00
02:20:12.000 Not in this town. 1.00
02:20:14.000 Plus, if people find out there's a venue for something like that.
02:20:17.000 Yeah.
02:20:18.000 All right, Foster the Podcast.
02:20:19.000 So they're real quick ones.
02:20:20.000 Yeah, I think the longest one was like 30 minutes.
02:20:23.000 It's great.
02:20:24.000 Beautiful.
02:20:25.000 So yeah, we'll get you on a nice House Chronicle.
02:20:27.000 I remember you were really funny when we saw you in Texas.
02:20:29.000 No, thanks. 0.98
02:20:30.000 You don't suck now, do you? 1.00
02:20:32.000 No, no, actually. 0.99
02:20:33.000 Did you get better?
02:20:33.000 I've actually gotten better, yeah.
02:20:34.000 And that's another thing being out here, too.
02:20:36.000 It makes you better.
02:20:37.000 Yeah, well, you gotta be inspired when you're out here.
02:20:41.000 There's so many great comics.
02:20:42.000 We can get comfortable doing the same set all over and over and kind of move into a new place.
02:20:46.000 Like, alright, I gotta step it up a little bit.
02:20:49.000 You can get comfortable at any time. 1.00
02:20:51.000 Fuck yeah. 1.00
02:20:51.000 I'm constantly terrified of that. 1.00
02:20:54.000 It's important. 0.98
02:20:55.000 Whenever I do something, after it's done, I fucking hate it. 0.90
02:20:59.000 Because I'm on to the next thing. 0.98
02:21:00.000 I'm hypercritical about it.
02:21:03.000 Get it away from me.
02:21:04.000 And then move on to the next one.
02:21:05.000 And that motivates me every time to make the next one better.
02:21:09.000 Whether I get there or not, arguable.
02:21:13.000 Sometimes it's just like...
02:21:15.000 You've got to figure out what topics have the most juice in them.
02:21:18.000 You might have a lot of material, but there's topics that just don't have the same...
02:21:23.000 People are just not as interested in as other ones.
02:21:26.000 And you find one that really hits a high interest level, and then you could juice it up with big laughs, too.
02:21:34.000 It's got a bunch of things going on.
02:21:36.000 People are excited that you're talking about it, and then it's got a lot of funny laughs.
02:21:39.000 And then there's other ones you're trying to convince people of.
02:21:41.000 Where you feel like it's forced.
02:21:43.000 Yeah, sometimes.
02:21:44.000 And sometimes I think they're funny, but other people don't see my sense of humor. 0.98
02:21:47.000 It's not as fucked up as me or whatever it is. 0.99
02:21:49.000 Right. 0.99
02:21:49.000 And then I drag them through this dark alley that they don't want to go to after I, like, send them down this beautiful flower-filled road for half an hour. 0.99
02:21:56.000 And then I'm like, hey, take a left with me.
02:21:58.000 And they're like, ah.
02:21:59.000 Yeah, let's talk about child molestation in TV commercials.
02:22:03.000 What?
02:22:04.000 Look, the baby.
02:22:06.000 He has a beard.
02:22:07.000 He's driving a car with a grown woman. 0.98
02:22:08.000 What do you think's happening here? 0.98
02:22:11.000 Yeah, but stand-up comedy is just such a fucking open-ended thing. 0.65
02:22:15.000 It's one of my favorite parts about it. 0.78
02:22:17.000 You never know where your next idea's gonna come from, you never know where your next big bit's gonna come from, what it's gonna be about.
02:22:25.000 Right.
02:22:27.000 Do you write, like, as far as, like, stand-up, do you write stand-up in joke form, or do you write blogs and pull stand-up out?
02:22:34.000 No. 0.99
02:22:34.000 Ad-lib shit? 0.99
02:22:35.000 I still do, like, pen and paper in the morning at the coffee shop, you know, writing. 0.99
02:22:39.000 I try to go backwards of stuff, because when you first start, I feel it's like, joke, joke, joke, joke, and then after a while, you're like, okay, now I can actually go back and revisit some things and put into joke form.
02:22:50.000 Right.
02:22:50.000 That was a little, you know, people didn't really want to hear in the beginning.
02:22:54.000 Right.
02:22:55.000 Yeah, yeah. 0.81
02:22:56.000 Sometimes you have a good premise, but your skills are so shitty, you can't turn that good premise into a bit. 0.61
02:23:02.000 Right.
02:23:03.000 I'm doing something now.
02:23:04.000 When I was young, I was in a mental hospital for depression.
02:23:08.000 If I would have tried to do that bit a year in, it wouldn't...
02:23:10.000 You know what I mean?
02:23:11.000 Especially if you try to do it in Texas.
02:23:13.000 Right.
02:23:14.000 Oh, you were depressed. 1.00
02:23:15.000 You couldn't suck enough dick. 1.00
02:23:17.000 How much dick you suck when you're in that hospital? 1.00
02:23:19.000 And then now it's like, well, I'm just open with it because I don't give a fuck anymore. 1.00
02:23:22.000 You open with that? 0.99
02:23:23.000 I did the other night.
02:23:24.000 Wow.
02:23:24.000 It's like, well, here it is.
02:23:25.000 Here's the thing.
02:23:27.000 Wow.
02:23:27.000 Why were you in a mental hospital?
02:23:29.000 I was just severely depressed.
02:23:31.000 How old were you?
02:23:31.000 I was like 13, 14. Wow.
02:23:34.000 Yeah. 1.00
02:23:34.000 Damn. 1.00
02:23:35.000 It's just real, yeah. 0.99
02:23:36.000 But trying to talk about it in the beginning, people would never go along with it.
02:23:40.000 And now you're like, okay, it's okay now.
02:23:42.000 Here's this thing.
02:23:43.000 Did you know then that you wanted to be a stand-up? 0.99
02:23:45.000 My mom tells this story, and I don't remember this, but when I was in second grade, I was like an awful fucking student. 0.96
02:23:50.000 And the teacher was like, if he doesn't get it together, the only job he's going to be able to do is like a stand-up comedian. 0.98
02:23:54.000 Bam! 0.98
02:23:55.000 Yeah.
02:23:55.000 Perfect.
02:23:56.000 So I guess deep down, yeah, maybe by default.
02:23:59.000 I don't know.
02:24:00.000 That's the worst motivation ever.
02:24:01.000 If he doesn't get it together, he's going to have the greatest job in the history of the world. 1.00
02:24:05.000 He's going to sleep in whenever he wants, fuck and drink every night. 1.00
02:24:07.000 Right. 1.00
02:24:08.000 You're going to have fun.
02:24:08.000 You're going to make people laugh in a way that very few people ever get to experience in their life.
02:24:13.000 And you're going to get to do it twice a night on the weekends.
02:24:15.000 Right.
02:24:15.000 And never have a 9 to 5. Poor you.
02:24:17.000 People don't know.
02:24:19.000 I just did Edmonton, this River Creek Casino.
02:24:22.000 It's like 1,800 people.
02:24:23.000 Mobbed.
02:24:24.000 The laughs that come off 1,800 people when they're howling and you're killing, it's electric.
02:24:31.000 You get goosebumps on your goosebumps.
02:24:33.000 You're invincible.
02:24:34.000 Well, it's just you feel great and they feel great.
02:24:36.000 You feel like it's a good exchange.
02:24:38.000 You're happy that they're laughing.
02:24:41.000 It's an honest, happy exchange.
02:24:45.000 And you get to make it all happen.
02:24:48.000 They're sitting down there and they're watching and you get to make it all happen.
02:24:52.000 And watch the results instantly.
02:24:53.000 As long as you keep working at it, as long as you keep writing, you're going to have some good sets and some bad sets and you're going to have some good bits and some bad bits and if you put out 10 CDs...
02:25:05.000 One of them you're not going to like that much, or two of them, or someone who's going to be a fan, they're like, yeah, I didn't like that one, Justin.
02:25:10.000 It was just something about it. 0.95
02:25:12.000 You were all fucking weird and talking about flowers. 0.95
02:25:15.000 But overall, if you have the right mindset and you continue to create and you continue to write and perform, it just keeps happening. 0.99
02:25:25.000 It just keeps happening.
02:25:26.000 If you give it what it needs, you feed what it needs, it keeps happening.
02:25:32.000 And there's a lot of guys that are perfect examples of that, like Burr.
02:25:35.000 Like Bill Burr did an Ice House show last week, last Wednesday. 0.97
02:25:40.000 All new stuff, fucks around on stage, he's always fucking around, always writing. 0.97
02:25:45.000 And he had a really good point about writing too. 0.98
02:25:48.000 He's like, you should be able to come up with an hour a year because really all that is is 10 minutes a month.
02:25:52.000 Right.
02:25:53.000 Yeah, it's true. 0.90
02:25:55.000 Yeah, that's another guy just watching him, like, even, like, just working shit out. 0.99
02:25:58.000 It's fucking brilliant. 0.98
02:25:59.000 10 minutes a month is 120 minutes a year. 0.95
02:26:04.000 So if you wrote, yeah, yeah.
02:26:07.000 So if you wrote one good joke a week...
02:26:10.000 12 months, 10 minutes a month, 120 minutes a year.
02:26:12.000 I do about that.
02:26:14.000 Yeah, she don't do that. 1.00
02:26:14.000 8 to 10? 1.00
02:26:16.000 Stop your fucking lying. 1.00
02:26:16.000 You haven't seen me in a while. 1.00
02:26:17.000 Stop your fucking lying. 1.00
02:26:19.000 No, you have some good ideas, but the reality of bits is they're never done. 1.00
02:26:25.000 You've got to keep chopping away at them and editing them.
02:26:28.000 So what you say is like 45 minutes.
02:26:31.000 It's really 15. It's 15 monster minutes.
02:26:33.000 That's what...
02:26:34.000 When I have an hour...
02:26:35.000 Especially when you're bombing.
02:26:36.000 If I have an hour, yeah.
02:26:37.000 I don't really have an hour.
02:26:39.000 When I have an hour...
02:26:39.000 If I have an hour, I have 25 minutes of murder.
02:26:42.000 Right.
02:26:42.000 And I can turn that into an hour.
02:26:44.000 Or I can chop it into an assassinating 25 minutes.
02:26:49.000 And then sometimes extend.
02:26:51.000 Joe, you haven't seen me...
02:26:52.000 In a long time.
02:26:53.000 I'm sure you got way better and probably the greatest comedian ever now.
02:26:55.000 No, no.
02:26:55.000 I'm just saying you don't even know my material.
02:26:57.000 I saw you two weeks ago, bitch. 1.00
02:26:58.000 No, you didn't. 1.00
02:26:59.000 I saw you at the Ice House.
02:26:59.000 Yeah, you saw me, but you didn't see me doing my set.
02:27:01.000 Oh, my son of a bitch. 1.00
02:27:04.000 You saw audience members yelling out subjects to him? 1.00
02:27:06.000 I got the report back from the American Comedy Company.
02:27:11.000 Oh, cool.
02:27:13.000 I did awesome.
02:27:14.000 Yeah, I heard you did good.
02:27:15.000 I did really good.
02:27:16.000 I did awesome!
02:27:17.000 I really did.
02:27:18.000 I did awesome!
02:27:20.000 I believe you.
02:27:21.000 No, I did.
02:27:22.000 If you don't believe me, ask Justin.
02:27:23.000 I said I believed you.
02:27:25.000 I heard Sunday night was a little rough.
02:27:27.000 Oh, my guest sets?
02:27:28.000 The guest sets were different.
02:27:30.000 I'm in front of Brian Callen's crowd.
02:27:32.000 I just said I heard Sunday night was a little rough.
02:27:34.000 Yeah, okay, Joe.
02:27:35.000 So you know when there's somebody there to see you.
02:27:37.000 And then if there's somebody, other comic, just comes on stage that's not their crowd, you know it's going to be a little weird sometimes when you mix certain crowds with certain people.
02:27:43.000 Well, if people don't know you.
02:27:45.000 Exactly.
02:27:46.000 And I think with you, like we've already talked about this before, you get this Willy Wonka golden ticket where people already know you when you're starting out.
02:27:53.000 There's pressure in that, and it's also easier that way, too.
02:27:58.000 Yeah, but if you have a Sunday 8 o'clock show, it's not your audience. 0.99
02:28:02.000 And it's somebody else's audience that knows you from Hangover, and there's a lot of couples there that probably don't want to hear about fucking dolphins and cum and shit like that. 0.98
02:28:10.000 Well, there's a lot of people out there that don't want to hear about those things. 0.98
02:28:12.000 That's the beautiful thing about performing for people that don't know you.
02:28:16.000 One of the good things about doing pop-in shows, one thing that a lot of comics like to do is they like to go up on a show where people are not coming to see them.
02:28:25.000 Because that way they'll get a more honest reaction.
02:28:27.000 And sometimes it'll make you cultivate your bits for a new mind or for a new ear.
02:28:32.000 Someone who hasn't seen your stuff before.
02:28:34.000 But I also did five shows in the weekend, and all of them were amazing sets.
02:28:40.000 So amazing that the owner of the club wrote a three-page letter recommending me to other clubs.
02:28:44.000 Brian, don't brag, please. 0.87
02:28:45.000 It's so gross.
02:28:46.000 No, but you're just saying...
02:28:47.000 I hear it doing good. 0.99
02:28:47.000 You pretty much just said, hey, you did shitty in San Diego. 0.99
02:28:50.000 No, I didn't say you did shitty. 0.98
02:28:52.000 That's what you were saying. 0.87
02:28:53.000 What I was going to say is, I heard Sunday night was rough for not just you.
02:28:57.000 It was rough for a lot of other people, too.
02:28:59.000 Yeah.
02:29:00.000 Right?
02:29:00.000 It was.
02:29:01.000 Those shows, they can be rough.
02:29:03.000 Those are good for you. 1.00
02:29:04.000 Oh, dude, nothing will make you stronger than just eating dick for 25 minutes. 1.00
02:29:08.000 A good rough set is not bad. 1.00
02:29:10.000 But I heard you did very well.
02:29:11.000 Calen said you did very well.
02:29:13.000 But it's kind of gross to brag about the owner saying you did so awesome.
02:29:16.000 Oh, I'm just saying that I did good this weekend.
02:29:18.000 I believe you.
02:29:19.000 But, you know.
02:29:21.000 And a lot of my set, you're saying I only have a 15-minute set.
02:29:24.000 You haven't seen me do any of my set for probably two months.
02:29:27.000 I didn't say you only have a 15-minute set.
02:29:29.000 I said if you say you have 50 new minutes, you really have 45 minutes means, in my eyes, 15 minutes.
02:29:37.000 It means you chop out a half an hour always.
02:29:40.000 Because how much of it is your best stuff?
02:29:42.000 How much of it is stuff that you're really happy with?
02:29:44.000 How much of it needs to be edited down?
02:29:45.000 That's just how I look at material, period.
02:29:48.000 And that's what I said about myself.
02:29:49.000 If I have an hour, I don't have an hour.
02:29:50.000 I have 25 minutes of murder.
02:29:52.000 That's what you have.
02:29:53.000 You chop things up.
02:29:55.000 And as you build up more time, that's why the difference between right after you release a special, the new hour that you work on, in the beginning, man, if it's an hour, it might only be 15 minutes that you really love.
02:30:07.000 It might be a lot of other stuff that you're ham and egging and song and dancing.
02:30:11.000 And then as time goes on, you start stacking and adding, and then it becomes something that you're really proud of.
02:30:17.000 That's a process you haven't gone through yet.
02:30:19.000 You haven't gone through the editing process.
02:30:21.000 You haven't gone through the process of creating an hour, chopping it down, eliminating certain bits, and then stretching it out to a real legit, beginning-to-end professional hour.
02:30:30.000 It takes a lot of work.
02:30:31.000 I have about an hour and 20 minutes now.
02:30:33.000 So I would say I have, like what you're saying...
02:30:35.000 Joe's face.
02:30:36.000 Well, I mean, as an example, here's a bit I know.
02:30:38.000 I have a dolphin bit that I can do a 13-minute...
02:30:42.000 An eight-minute thing or a five-minute thing.
02:30:45.000 When I do the five-minute thing, it's like me rushing it, the whole thing.
02:30:48.000 Well, you shouldn't rush anything.
02:30:49.000 You don't have to rush it.
02:30:51.000 The seven- or eight-minute one is a good edited version, but the 13-minute one is more free.
02:30:56.000 It's kind of like one of your old-school bits where it's very comfortable to be in this playground, and when I go to the joke to the joke to the tag to the tag, it's very comfortable doing the 13-minute one.
02:31:07.000 But I do all three.
02:31:09.000 Every week I do at least one of those different versions, but it's always the 13 one that's really like, alright, that's the one that you need to do.
02:31:15.000 So I have censored and edited different bits.
02:31:18.000 It just depends on the show, how much time I have.
02:31:21.000 Okay, look, Brian, we all have different standards of editing.
02:31:24.000 We all have different what we think are legit bits and what we think are not legit bits.
02:31:28.000 What I think is a legit bit and you think is a legit bit, it's probably going to be very different.
02:31:31.000 I don't want to judge your material and I don't want to sit and break down your act and tell you what you should or shouldn't do.
02:31:35.000 But people have a problem when you start saying how this is awesome and you did so great.
02:31:40.000 No, I did.
02:31:40.000 I had great shows is what I'm saying.
02:31:42.000 The club owner's writing letters for you and you haven't seen me.
02:31:45.000 I'm doing awesome now.
02:31:46.000 I saw you recently.
02:31:48.000 It wasn't that long ago.
02:31:49.000 You did Vancouver with me.
02:31:50.000 That was a couple of months ago.
02:31:51.000 That's not that long ago.
02:31:52.000 Vancouver?
02:31:53.000 Yeah.
02:31:54.000 Did a theater in Vancouver.
02:31:55.000 It wasn't that long ago.
02:31:57.000 August.
02:31:58.000 Yeah, four months ago.
02:31:59.000 Exactly.
02:32:00.000 It's a few months ago.
02:32:01.000 Do you ever a bit just not work for no reason?
02:32:03.000 It just stops working?
02:32:04.000 Like a book just kills all of it?
02:32:05.000 It just stops?
02:32:06.000 Yeah, for sure.
02:32:07.000 If you don't feel like it's...
02:32:09.000 You could have a bit that you don't feel like it works anymore.
02:32:12.000 Like it's not funny to you anymore.
02:32:14.000 Like it might have worked in the beginning because you saw the humor in it.
02:32:18.000 And then that adds a certain amount of push to a bit.
02:32:21.000 And if you all of a sudden decide that it's not for me anymore, but it still works, I'll keep doing it.
02:32:26.000 They can sense it.
02:32:28.000 That's why people are animals, man.
02:32:30.000 What are you talking about?
02:32:31.000 I didn't say anything about you doing in Vancouver.
02:32:34.000 Brian, stop making this about you, man.
02:32:36.000 Come on.
02:32:42.000 I don't know why you're thinking I'm making about you.
02:32:45.000 You just changed the subject.
02:32:46.000 We were talking about creating bits, and out of nowhere, you're like, I did good in Vancouver.
02:32:50.000 You exactly made it about you.
02:32:51.000 Well, you just made it as a reference.
02:32:53.000 Like, I just saw you four months ago.
02:32:54.000 I'm saying I just saw you.
02:32:56.000 Look, come on, man.
02:32:57.000 How much better did you get in four months?
02:32:58.000 Did you get better in four months?
02:33:00.000 That's what I just said.
02:33:00.000 No, I don't want to talk about this, Brian.
02:33:02.000 You just interrupted a goddamn conversation where we're talking about stand-up comedy to make it about you. 0.99
02:33:07.000 That's what you just did. 1.00
02:33:08.000 We had gotten done talking about you.
02:33:10.000 We talked about you for a long time, and then we started talking about creating bits, and then you started, whoa, I was the...
02:33:15.000 But I did good in Vancouver. 0.98
02:33:16.000 So fucking what? 0.99
02:33:17.000 Jesus Christ, man. 0.99
02:33:18.000 But your point was that I didn't do good in Vancouver.
02:33:20.000 You did okay in Vancouver.
02:33:21.000 You were downstairs.
02:33:21.000 I saw you.
02:33:23.000 No, I saw you, Brian, and it was four months ago.
02:33:25.000 I saw it.
02:33:26.000 You're saying you're doing so much better now.
02:33:28.000 I mean, how much better did you really get in four months?
02:33:30.000 I did good in Vancouver is what I'm saying.
02:33:31.000 Okay.
02:33:32.000 So, I saw that.
02:33:34.000 Okay.
02:33:34.000 Right?
02:33:35.000 We're good.
02:33:39.000 Don't get too attached, man.
02:33:42.000 You know, defining yourself like that, it's always ugly.
02:33:47.000 What?
02:33:48.000 You mean defending myself or defining?
02:33:49.000 Defining!
02:33:50.000 You're defining yourself as being good.
02:33:52.000 It's not defending, Brian.
02:33:53.000 I said I had a good set.
02:33:54.000 I'm not saying I'm amazing.
02:33:55.000 Like, I'm not saying, hey, I am the best comic in the world.
02:33:58.000 I'm not saying that.
02:33:59.000 You wanted to talk about you being good.
02:34:00.000 I'm saying I had good sets.
02:34:01.000 I'm saying I had good sets.
02:34:02.000 Do you not see the distasteful aspect of that?
02:34:05.000 That people would find that uncomfortable?
02:34:07.000 What, that I had a good set?
02:34:08.000 No.
02:34:09.000 You keep talking about it.
02:34:10.000 What do you mean talking about it?
02:34:11.000 I'm not... 0.98
02:34:13.000 You just fucking interrupted to say you did great in Vancouver. 0.97
02:34:16.000 I interrupted 20 seconds after you saying something about me in Vancouver. 0.99
02:34:20.000 I said I saw you.
02:34:21.000 I didn't say it was bad.
02:34:22.000 I didn't say anything.
02:34:23.000 Well, you just said you think you've done better than Vancouver.
02:34:26.000 You think you've done that big of an improvement in four months.
02:34:29.000 That's saying that I wasn't doing good in Vancouver.
02:34:31.000 No, it's not.
02:34:31.000 It's saying I saw you in Vancouver.
02:34:33.000 That's what it's saying.
02:34:34.000 I'm dropping.
02:34:34.000 Never mind.
02:34:34.000 Sorry.
02:34:35.000 It's not saying that you weren't good in Vancouver.
02:34:37.000 You're adding that yourself.
02:34:39.000 I said I saw you four months ago.
02:34:41.000 So if I saw you four months ago, roughly, I know what you're doing.
02:34:44.000 Yeah, and what you're getting at is I didn't do good in Vancouver.
02:34:47.000 That's not what I said!
02:34:48.000 I said I saw it!
02:34:49.000 You're saying you're doing so great.
02:34:51.000 I'm like, I saw you four months ago.
02:34:52.000 That's what I saw.
02:34:54.000 Well, you might want to re-listen to it because how you said it really wasn't clear.
02:34:58.000 No, because Brian, I don't like when you want to talk about yourself and how great you do.
02:35:01.000 I'm not trying to talk about myself.
02:35:02.000 It's uncomfortable.
02:35:03.000 I'm not trying to talk about myself, man.
02:35:05.000 You just did!
02:35:06.000 You just did!
02:35:07.000 You started this by saying that I had a report back in San Diego, so I know how good you did.
02:35:11.000 No, it started by you telling me how great everything went.
02:35:14.000 I had a good set.
02:35:15.000 And that's when I said I heard that Sunday Night was kind of rough.
02:35:18.000 I heard it was rough.
02:35:19.000 Right.
02:35:20.000 It wasn't as rough for you.
02:35:21.000 It was rough for other people.
02:35:23.000 It was a weird show.
02:35:24.000 You were looking at me and saying, I heard it was rough.
02:35:26.000 Tell the truth!
02:35:26.000 When it's rough, I tell the truth.
02:35:28.000 When I have a rough show, I tell the truth.
02:35:30.000 I don't just tell you everything's great. 0.89
02:35:31.000 I tell you about one shitty show. 1.00
02:35:33.000 I ate a dick in Vegas the other night for 30 minutes straight. 1.00
02:35:35.000 Where were you? 1.00
02:35:35.000 Having a rough step though, I was getting booed. 1.00
02:35:38.000 I was doing the Dirty at 12.30 show, which is fucking, it's South Point Casino, and it's a great room, it's a great crowd, but I just fucking thought you weren't feeling it. 0.98
02:35:46.000 It was like 1 o'clock in the morning, and I fucking bombed for it. 0.98
02:35:48.000 It felt like an hour and a half. 0.98
02:35:50.000 Those are hard shows, man.
02:35:51.000 Those late night shows.
02:35:52.000 Late night shows are hard.
02:35:54.000 Especially if nobody knows you from anything.
02:35:56.000 Yeah.
02:35:56.000 They don't want to see you.
02:35:58.000 There's nothing wrong with bombing. 0.69
02:36:00.000 It's good for you.
02:36:01.000 Yeah. 0.90
02:36:02.000 You know, it sucks at the time. 0.99
02:36:04.000 But goddamn, you get something out of that. 0.99
02:36:06.000 Yeah. 1.00
02:36:07.000 We learn.
02:36:08.000 My biggest jumps I've ever made in my entire career were for bombing.
02:36:11.000 Yeah.
02:36:12.000 For sure.
02:36:12.000 It just makes you reevaluate everything.
02:36:14.000 It makes you want to fucking jump off the ridge.
02:36:17.000 You ever quit on stage? 0.98
02:36:18.000 Like, alright, this is it. 1.00
02:36:19.000 This is my last fucking show. 0.99
02:36:20.000 Yeah, I quit once. 1.00
02:36:20.000 No, never quit. 1.00
02:36:21.000 Like, this is my last show, but I walked off before my test.
02:36:23.000 Oh, really?
02:36:24.000 Yeah. 1.00
02:36:24.000 I'm always, like, mentally in my head, I'm like, fuck this. 1.00
02:36:26.000 I'm done. 1.00
02:36:26.000 Yeah. 1.00
02:36:27.000 It can fucking get rough, dude. 0.99
02:36:29.000 It can get rough. 0.99
02:36:30.000 I mean, that's one of the reasons why it's such an emotionally taxing job.
02:36:33.000 Yeah.
02:36:34.000 It's one of the reasons why people have so much of a hard time doing it.
02:36:37.000 It's one of the reasons why people quit, too.
02:36:39.000 They'll start off, they'll have a lot of good momentum, and then they just bail on it.
02:36:42.000 They just can't take it anymore.
02:36:43.000 You think once it becomes like a business, that's when it gets...
02:36:46.000 Because when you're in the beginning, you're doing it for fun, and you're kind of going up in between your restaurant jobs.
02:36:51.000 So there's really not a lot... 0.99
02:36:51.000 Once it becomes a job, I think it's when it's like, fuck. 0.99
02:36:55.000 It should never be a job. 1.00
02:36:57.000 If it's a job, you're fucking up. 0.98
02:36:59.000 Well, if you have to make money off of it. 1.00
02:37:01.000 Yeah, if it's a job, you're fucking up. 0.98
02:37:03.000 If it's a job, you're... 0.97
02:37:04.000 I mean, even if you have to make money off of it, you can't just think of it as...
02:37:09.000 It's got to be an art form, or it's never going to work.
02:37:12.000 Right.
02:37:12.000 If it's not something that you're excited and connected to creating...
02:37:17.000 You know, and something that you're passionate about molding and putting together on stage, I don't think it's ever going to work.
02:37:23.000 If you're just like, yeah, I'm just going to punch in and tell those little jokes.
02:37:26.000 There's nothing better than having a new joke and just being so excited.
02:37:30.000 Like, I have to go on stage tonight and tell it.
02:37:31.000 Like, that's, to me, anyways.
02:37:34.000 Yeah, yeah, it can get really thrilling, you know?
02:37:39.000 It's a wild thing to do with your time, man. 0.99
02:37:42.000 Come up with some shit that you think is going to make people laugh. 0.99
02:37:47.000 There's a distasteful feeling in this room. 1.00
02:37:50.000 Feel it?
02:37:54.000 Got a little carry-away over there, Brian.
02:37:56.000 Sorry.
02:37:57.000 It's alright, buddy.
02:37:59.000 Happens.
02:38:01.000 Just gotta recognize how other people would interact, like how other people would respond to people.
02:38:09.000 Like, whenever you say you're really good at anything or doing great at anything, man, there's a way to do that.
02:38:15.000 I've said I was good at that.
02:38:16.000 I didn't say I was great at it.
02:38:17.000 There's a way to do that, and there's a way to not do that.
02:38:21.000 It's not just that you said you had a good set.
02:38:23.000 You were talking about the manager writing you a letter and saying you did so awesome.
02:38:27.000 You said you had a good set.
02:38:27.000 I know, but you see where that is?
02:38:29.000 It's like...
02:38:30.000 You're sticking that in people's faces.
02:38:33.000 You've got to be careful.
02:38:34.000 Okay.
02:38:36.000 I mean, am I wrong?
02:38:40.000 After you just said I had a bad set.
02:38:42.000 It was rough on Sunday.
02:38:44.000 I got a report card.
02:38:45.000 It wasn't just you.
02:38:46.000 It wasn't just you.
02:38:47.000 I heard several people on that show didn't do very well.
02:38:50.000 I heard it was tough.
02:38:51.000 I'm saying you got to be honest about that too.
02:38:54.000 I am honest.
02:38:55.000 I'm saying that.
02:38:55.000 You know what though?
02:38:56.000 When I got off stage, people clapped.
02:38:58.000 It wasn't like I had a bad set where no one was like...
02:39:01.000 They were happy you were done.
02:39:04.000 Now you're just flipping the fish.
02:39:07.000 Look, I had to say that, Brian.
02:39:09.000 I can't just let you brag.
02:39:10.000 I have to.
02:39:11.000 I have to stop you for your own good.
02:39:13.000 I wasn't bragging.
02:39:15.000 Justin Foster, do you know what bragging sounds like?
02:39:18.000 I don't know.
02:39:19.000 Near the neck of the woods?
02:39:20.000 Do they have different handles on what bragging is?
02:39:27.000 It did get weird for a second.
02:39:29.000 I feel like when mom and dad fight, they just get real quiet.
02:39:32.000 Well, you know what it is, man?
02:39:34.000 There's a lot riding on success and failure on stage.
02:39:39.000 And when you're doing well, which Brian's doing well, you want to let people know you're doing well.
02:39:45.000 It's what it is.
02:39:46.000 It's normal.
02:39:47.000 You just gotta be careful about it.
02:39:49.000 I said that stuff after you said what you said.
02:39:53.000 I didn't say that beforehand.
02:39:54.000 I don't know if that's true.
02:39:54.000 I don't know if that's true, and I don't think you do either.
02:39:56.000 I don't really remember what happened.
02:39:59.000 I think you were saying how great it went, and I said I heard Sunday night was rough.
02:40:04.000 And then I said, no, it wasn't rough.
02:40:06.000 I had a good weekend.
02:40:07.000 I had good sets.
02:40:08.000 Justin even said I wrote blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
02:40:10.000 Right, but I said that I heard that Sunday night was rough, and it was rough. 0.99
02:40:14.000 And I would, if you said that to me, I'd be like, ooh, yeah, I kind of ate dick on Sunday. 0.99
02:40:19.000 Sunday, I just couldn't feel it. 0.99
02:40:21.000 They weren't feeling me.
02:40:22.000 But that's not what you did.
02:40:23.000 You went on to discuss... 0.99
02:40:25.000 But I didn't eat a dick Sunday. 0.99
02:40:26.000 I had a C-plus set. 0.99
02:40:28.000 I had a middle-of-the-line, normal set.
02:40:31.000 Nothing to write home about.
02:40:32.000 Nothing that went, oh, that was horrible.
02:40:34.000 People didn't boo you?
02:40:35.000 No.
02:40:35.000 No one booed me once.
02:40:36.000 No.
02:40:37.000 Oh, they groaned?
02:40:38.000 Is that what they did? 1.00
02:40:39.000 Yes, a woman groaned when I was talking about fucking a dolphin. 1.00
02:40:42.000 I think that's something that a woman would do. 1.00
02:40:45.000 That warrants all those women. 0.73
02:40:47.000 Those women. 1.00
02:40:51.000 I have the whole thing on tape if you want to. 1.00
02:40:53.000 I don't want to listen to the fucking tape. 0.99
02:40:55.000 Criminy. 1.00
02:40:56.000 No, I don't need any proof, man.
02:40:58.000 I mean, my point wasn't whether or not you were doing good or not doing good.
02:41:01.000 My point was whether we discuss it on a podcast like that.
02:41:04.000 I know.
02:41:05.000 Let's move on.
02:41:06.000 I'm trying.
02:41:07.000 Can't think about anything else.
02:41:08.000 You could see the hilarity of my horrible set tomorrow at the Irvine Improv.
02:41:12.000 Oh, I like how you worked that in.
02:41:15.000 You could moan at me and Little Esther and Tony Hinchcliffe and Sarah Tiana.
02:41:19.000 Oh, how dare you.
02:41:21.000 That's a good show.
02:41:22.000 It's a great show.
02:41:23.000 Tony Hinchcliffe was with me at Irvine all last weekend. 0.99
02:41:26.000 Fucking kid's getting funny. 0.99
02:41:27.000 He's great. 1.00
02:41:27.000 Really funny bit, man. 1.00
02:41:28.000 It's a great room, too.
02:41:29.000 I don't want to say anything with that thrift store bit. 0.98
02:41:31.000 I won't say anything about what the bit is, but that's fucking great, man. 0.94
02:41:35.000 It's true, too. 0.94
02:41:37.000 Yeah.
02:41:38.000 Yeah, that Irvine improv's fantastic.
02:41:40.000 It's great.
02:41:40.000 Do you like it?
02:41:41.000 Is that your favorite of one of the improvs around this town?
02:41:44.000 It's a great club, man.
02:41:45.000 Like the Ontario and all the other ones.
02:41:49.000 Because we have like three really good improvs within like an hour and an hour and a half away.
02:41:54.000 Yeah, there's a ton of them.
02:41:56.000 There's the Hollywood one, which is always awesome.
02:41:58.000 There's the Irvine.
02:41:59.000 There's the Ontario, the Brea.
02:42:01.000 They're all fantastic.
02:42:02.000 They're all great.
02:42:03.000 Yeah. 0.99
02:42:05.000 Improvs are fucking amazing clubs, man. 0.99
02:42:07.000 There's so many of them. 0.99
02:42:09.000 They're all over the country. 0.99
02:42:10.000 You know, a lot of people think that it's like kind of a chain thing, they're fucking up and ruining comedy, but they're also providing you a lot of goddamn work, man. 0.98
02:42:18.000 There's work everywhere. 0.98
02:42:20.000 There's work all over the country.
02:42:22.000 The only thing that I don't like is if, like, they tell you that you're not supposed to work the other club in town or one of those deals.
02:42:29.000 That could be a problem.
02:42:31.000 Does that happen to you a lot?
02:42:33.000 No.
02:42:33.000 Not to me.
02:42:34.000 But other people.
02:42:34.000 But it happens to some people.
02:42:36.000 Some clubs, you know, they won't let you work the other club in town.
02:42:40.000 Oh yeah, no, I know.
02:42:42.000 You ever had that happen before?
02:42:43.000 Yeah, for sure.
02:42:44.000 Texas?
02:42:45.000 No, not in Texas.
02:42:46.000 But I was saying it's like somebody like you, they probably, it doesn't really, they're like, yeah, just, you know.
02:42:51.000 Yeah, if you can sell tickets, they'll let you slide with stuff.
02:42:54.000 But if they felt like they can control you in some sort of a way, they would definitely try to do it.
02:42:58.000 I think it's a natural business practice.
02:43:02.000 They're trying to... 0.99
02:43:04.000 They're trying to fucking lock it down. 0.97
02:43:06.000 Especially if you're there in a week where no one's there, that's when it becomes readily apparent. 0.98
02:43:12.000 The other side of town has a great comic, and then this side of town, the club's suffering, they have to decide what they're going to do.
02:43:19.000 Because if you're going to work one or the other, if you're working one and they're doing well, or you work in the other club and then the other club's doing well, they have to go, hey, we're sucking it right now. 0.82
02:43:28.000 And we're sucking it because the guy that we hire is now over there working for our enemy. 1.00
02:43:32.000 So what the fuck? 1.00
02:43:34.000 That's the problem when you got business. 1.00
02:43:36.000 You know?
02:43:38.000 Business mixed with the idea of art. 0.99
02:43:44.000 It gets just fucking... 0.99
02:43:45.000 It gets just problematic. 0.99
02:43:47.000 But you can't be a socialist comedian either.
02:43:51.000 Just give away your comedy for free.
02:43:53.000 Bring me food.
02:43:54.000 I'll tell you jokes.
02:43:58.000 The show was basically over about 15 minutes ago.
02:44:01.000 We're just droning on.
02:44:03.000 Hopefully we can recover from this, Brian.
02:44:05.000 What?
02:44:05.000 I'm fine.
02:44:07.000 I'm not.
02:44:08.000 I'm not.
02:44:09.000 I know.
02:44:10.000 You're still mad about it.
02:44:11.000 I'm not mad at all.
02:44:12.000 But this thing went off the rails.
02:44:14.000 I'm the one who has to sort of turn it into a podcast.
02:44:17.000 You know? 1.00
02:44:17.000 People love this shit anyway. 1.00
02:44:19.000 Some people love this shit. 1.00
02:44:20.000 Those people are annoying. 1.00
02:44:22.000 And those people are responding to me on Twitter. 0.99
02:44:24.000 And guess what, cunties? 1.00
02:44:26.000 I'm just going to block you. 0.98
02:44:27.000 Don't jump in.
02:44:28.000 Oh, look.
02:44:29.000 I'm going to block this guy. 1.00
02:44:30.000 He's got a fucking swastika on his logo. 1.00
02:44:32.000 Jesus Christ. 1.00
02:44:33.000 Jesus Christ. 1.00
02:44:35.000 Sorry, fuckface. 1.00
02:44:37.000 I'm going to block you. 1.00
02:44:39.000 What's his logo? 1.00
02:44:40.000 Yeah, he's got a fucking swastika. 1.00
02:44:42.000 He's putting it out there. 0.99
02:44:42.000 I don't know how, like, YouTube, there was a, somebody sent me a video, and I don't even want to say what the name is. 0.99
02:44:47.000 It was inward music video times two or something like that, I think it was called.
02:44:52.000 And it was just a guy dressed up like typical, like, almost racist black guy, slave style. 0.84
02:44:58.000 And the song was just inward, inward, inward.
02:45:00.000 And it was just, it was a black guy doing it, so I think that maybe that's the only reason why it could stay on YouTube. 1.00
02:45:04.000 But I was very shocked when people have, like, Twitter...
02:45:07.000 Like, avatars and stuff like that.
02:45:09.000 Like, really racist symbols. 1.00
02:45:11.000 How do they get away with that shit? 1.00
02:45:13.000 You could get away with a lot if you're a black guy and you want to talk about black people. 1.00
02:45:17.000 Right. 0.94
02:45:18.000 You know, you can get a lot if you're a white guy and you want to talk about white people.
02:45:21.000 But, man.
02:45:23.000 You, uh...
02:45:24.000 I just don't...
02:45:25.000 You can't wear blackface and go to school in Toronto. 1.00
02:45:27.000 You can't be Mr. T. I wonder if the guy tried to...
02:45:29.000 I wonder if he was at a party or if he went to school as Mr. T. God, I hope he didn't go to school.
02:45:35.000 Ha ha ha!
02:45:36.000 Because I think it was a day, right?
02:45:39.000 It was a school day.
02:45:41.000 Halloween fell on.
02:45:42.000 Right.
02:45:42.000 Could he get in trouble?
02:45:43.000 Say he was at a house party with adults and somebody snapped a picture of him.
02:45:46.000 He could still get in trouble for that, right?
02:45:48.000 That's what I think probably happened.
02:45:49.000 I don't think he would stroll into class with black... 1.00
02:45:51.000 I pity the food.
02:45:52.000 Maybe he did.
02:45:54.000 Maybe he's like, look, I'm Mr. T. That's ballsy.
02:45:57.000 He's at the lounge.
02:45:59.000 They're all drinking coffee together.
02:46:01.000 No one's talking to him. 1.00
02:46:02.000 What the fuck, man? 0.99
02:46:03.000 All the other teachers are like, we're not gonna... 1.00
02:46:05.000 I'm not going to get into this today.
02:46:06.000 Yeah.
02:46:07.000 They're like, you can't do that.
02:46:08.000 Oh, come on. 1.00
02:46:09.000 I pity the fool. 1.00
02:46:10.000 I pity the fool. 1.00
02:46:12.000 Isn't that funny that their guy, he's one of the only guys that you associate with a giant chunk of gold chains around your neck. 1.00
02:46:20.000 Right.
02:46:21.000 Immediately, you think of Mr. T. He made that his hook.
02:46:24.000 Right.
02:46:25.000 If a guy had more than one chain, you'd go, what do you got a Mr. T starter kit?
02:46:29.000 Right.
02:46:30.000 Some guy, if you were heckling him.
02:46:32.000 And you know the chains were fate because the teacher couldn't afford that on a teacher's salary.
02:46:36.000 Absolutely.
02:46:37.000 It seems like if this happened when the A-Team was really popular, when it first came out in that time area, that wouldn't be a big deal.
02:46:43.000 Right.
02:46:44.000 Now, you can't do anything, though, especially if you're a teacher.
02:46:46.000 Like, my brother just got it.
02:46:47.000 He had to delete his whole Facebook page. 0.98
02:46:49.000 He's like, I'm not even going to take any fucking chances. 0.98
02:46:51.000 Right. 0.98
02:46:52.000 So that guy, he should have known better.
02:46:54.000 You can get in big trouble for almost anything.
02:46:56.000 Yeah.
02:46:56.000 Almost anything.
02:46:57.000 If you do anything that's non-PC outside of work, some girl got fired because they took a picture on her Facebook of her boyfriend holding her tit.
02:47:07.000 And they let her go?
02:47:08.000 Yeah, they fired her. 1.00
02:47:09.000 She was a teacher. 1.00
02:47:10.000 Fuck. 1.00
02:47:11.000 Guy was holding her tit. 1.00
02:47:12.000 I mean, he wasn't even holding a nipple. 0.99
02:47:14.000 He wasn't pinching her. 0.99
02:47:14.000 Just grabbing her tit? 0.99
02:47:15.000 Just squeezing some bottom meat. 1.00
02:47:17.000 Fuck. 1.00
02:47:20.000 What the fuck, man? 1.00
02:47:22.000 There's a weirdness going on in the world where people are just super fucking sensitive, super duper sensitive. 1.00
02:47:27.000 And people want to get other people in trouble, too. 0.67
02:47:29.000 That's the thing.
02:47:30.000 Everybody wants to be the first to catch somebody doing something and act and be the first to get somebody fired.
02:47:35.000 Right.
02:47:36.000 Yeah, that's a thing, too.
02:47:37.000 They want to catch people and things. 0.99
02:47:39.000 There's a lot of miserable fucks out there working, stuck in jobs they don't like, and they just... 0.99
02:47:43.000 They got this built-up... 1.00
02:47:45.000 And if they can point it at you and get you in trouble for something... 0.72
02:47:48.000 Because there's a whole bunch of rules that everybody's got to follow, and a lot of them are ridiculous rules.
02:47:52.000 They feel better.
02:47:53.000 Yeah, the PC police is just so out of control.
02:47:56.000 But, you know, in some ways, it's got to be there.
02:47:58.000 Because if you're working... 1.00
02:47:59.000 Like, say if you're a woman and you're working in some fucking office with some guy who tells dick jokes all the time and talks about fucking... 1.00
02:48:06.000 You shouldn't have to deal with that. 1.00
02:48:07.000 No, you shouldn't.
02:48:07.000 You shouldn't have to go in there.
02:48:09.000 But because there's douchebags that ruin that shit, then there's always going to be, like, you can't have a funny joke either. 1.00
02:48:17.000 Like, sometimes someone's not a douchebag, but they have the funny thing to say. 1.00
02:48:20.000 And it's just the right time, and it's inappropriate, but you know they don't mean it, but they can get away with it.
02:48:25.000 That's, like, the problem with humor.
02:48:27.000 Like, in a workplace, you can't take that chance.
02:48:30.000 I think it has to do a lot about who the person is, too.
02:48:33.000 The charming you are, the more you can get away with.
02:48:35.000 The creepy guy at the office can say the same thing, and people are like, I don't know.
02:48:40.000 It gets stifled.
02:48:41.000 It gets stifled because it has to get stifled. 0.97
02:48:44.000 Because if you just go free-range, Wild Wild West style with your jokes, like you're doing a podcast or something, some people are going to get really fucking offended at you.
02:48:52.000 But my question is, and here's what it was.
02:48:55.000 It was probably a parent of a teacher that she had probably reprimanded. 0.94
02:48:58.000 Who's like, oh, tell me how to raise my kid.
02:49:00.000 Scrolling through her Facebook page and going, how dare a lady with a boyfriend having fun tell me how to raise my kid. 1.00
02:49:07.000 You know what I mean?
02:49:08.000 Yeah, that could definitely be it. 1.00
02:49:09.000 Some woman doesn't want some fucking slut raising her children. 1.00
02:49:13.000 That could be it. 1.00
02:49:14.000 Or some chick who's just upset that she's hot enough for someone to grab her tit. 1.00
02:49:18.000 And she hasn't gotten laid since her fucking husband cheated on her. 1.00
02:49:20.000 Fucking dirty bitch grabbing tit on Facebook. 1.00
02:49:22.000 I'll show her. 1.00
02:49:23.000 It could be that too.
02:49:25.000 Alright, Justin Foster.
02:49:27.000 People can find you on Twitter.
02:49:28.000 It's JustinComic on Twitter.
02:49:31.000 And do you have a website too?
02:49:32.000 Yeah, JustinComic.
02:49:33.000 JustinComic. 0.99
02:49:34.000 You were the only JustinComic to scoop that shit up. 1.00
02:49:36.000 I was the first. 1.00
02:49:37.000 There had to be somebody else who thought that up.
02:49:39.000 So get you to buy it from me.
02:49:40.000 Do you find that may be an issue with people remembering the name Foster?
02:49:44.000 Nah, I don't think so.
02:49:45.000 I hope not.
02:49:46.000 Alright.
02:49:47.000 Thanks for having me.
02:49:48.000 Thanks for being here, man.
02:49:49.000 Absolutely, brother.
02:49:49.000 Thanks for being here for a nice little hissy fit.
02:49:50.000 Yeah, it was fun.
02:49:52.000 We made up, buddy?
02:49:53.000 Yeah.
02:49:54.000 It was good.
02:49:55.000 I was just trying to help everybody here, folks.
02:49:57.000 I just have a very strong opinion on certain things.
02:50:00.000 I don't mean to hurt anybody's feelings.
02:50:02.000 We don't mean to.
02:50:03.000 We smuggle weed and sometimes we just talk. 0.99
02:50:05.000 Sometimes shit goes awry. 0.98
02:50:07.000 Just like a comedy set. 0.99
02:50:09.000 Right, Justin Foster?
02:50:11.000 Right. 1.00
02:50:12.000 All right, fuckers. 1.00
02:50:13.000 We'll be back. 1.00
02:50:14.000 We'll be back soon.
02:50:15.000 Lots of podcasts this week.
02:50:16.000 Anna Kasparian.
02:50:17.000 Did I say her name right?
02:50:19.000 And also Graham Hancock.
02:50:22.000 And this episode is brought to you by Ting.
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02:51:00.000 Alright folks, we'll see you soon.
02:51:02.000 Music