The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #431 - Matt Fulchiron (Part 1)

00:00:04.000 Oh, shit, bitches. 1.00

00:00:05.000 We're back. 1.00

00:00:07.000 That's right.

00:00:08.000 The Full Charge is here, ladies and gentlemen.

00:00:10.000 What's up, y'all?

00:00:11.000 The Full Charge is kicking it live with us on the Joe Rogan Experience.

00:00:17.000 Yeah!

00:00:18.000 Yeah!

00:00:21.000 This episode was brought to you by 1-800-Flowers.com.

00:00:25.000 And 1-800-Flowers.com has an awesome limited time Christmas offer.

00:00:31.000 One dozen red roses and you get another dozen free. 1.00

00:00:35.000 Oh, shit. 0.99

00:00:36.000 That's two dozen red roses today. 1.00

00:00:39.000 That's a strong power move.

00:00:40.000 Like two dozen red roses.

00:00:42.000 That's like telling someone you're really into that.

00:00:43.000 I know your last man gave you a dozen.

00:00:45.000 Yeah.

00:00:47.000 Baby, I'm coming with two.

00:00:49.000 They're coming in fresh, slightly chilled.

00:00:52.000 Two dozen red roses for just $29.99.

00:00:56.000 $20 off the original price.

00:00:57.000 That's pretty sweet.

00:00:58.000 It makes you look like a baller, and it's actually not that much money.

00:01:01.000 $29.99 to look like a baller.

00:01:03.000 Two dozen red roses, that's kapow.

00:01:06.000 You're showing massive amounts of affection.

00:01:10.000 There's going to be wet panties after that.

00:01:11.000 Do you think so?

00:01:12.000 Instantly.

00:01:13.000 The full charge predicts wet panties.

00:01:15.000 Wet panties.

00:01:16.000 Well, that's because you're the one who's been giving them them flowers, right?

00:01:20.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:01:20.000 They know it's coming from the full charge.

00:01:22.000 No, two dozen, that's double-fisted.

00:01:25.000 Kabam!

00:01:26.000 Two dozen red roses for just $29.99, ladies and gentlemen.

00:01:31.000 You could just buy them and take them to a bar and make some extra cash.

00:01:34.000 You could be annoying, if that's what you mean. 0.99

00:01:37.000 How fucking annoying is that, man? 0.99

00:01:38.000 If you're on a date, if you're looking to buy a flower for the lady. 0.99

00:01:41.000 Come on, that's such a cheap move.

00:01:43.000 Yeah, but think of how much money you can make.

00:01:44.000 If I wanted to buy a flower, I would be at a flower store, okay?

00:01:47.000 I'm not sitting in a restaurant and someone comes up and tries to sell me bike tires, alright? 0.98

00:01:51.000 If I wanted a flower, I'd be at a place that fucking sells flowers, not on a special date at a restaurant. 1.00

00:01:57.000 I'm not trying to buy flowers, bitch. 1.00

00:01:59.000 The next level is bringing a bag of oranges up to the table. 1.00

00:02:03.000 Fucking off-ramp shit. 1.00

00:02:05.000 Bag of oranges for the lady? 1.00

00:02:06.000 Would you guys like to buy gum?

00:02:07.000 Maybe that's the next pressure move.

00:02:09.000 Chiclets?

00:02:10.000 Perhaps your breath stings?

00:02:11.000 Perhaps some gum?

00:02:12.000 Condoms?

00:02:13.000 I was at El Capadre last night, and this woman comes up and goes, would you like a complimentary postcard photo? 0.99

00:02:18.000 And I'm like, no.

00:02:20.000 And then I heard the person next to me go, oh, it's complimentary.

00:02:22.000 She goes, well, it costs $10 for me to take the photo.

00:02:25.000 And you get a free postcard.

00:02:26.000 They gotcha!

00:02:27.000 See, that's so slick! 1.00

00:02:29.000 If you're doing shit like that, your product sucks a fat one. 1.00

00:02:32.000 Not like Stamps.com. 1.00

00:02:34.000 Not like Ting.

00:02:37.000 Not like Audible.

00:02:38.000 Not like 1-800-Flowers.com.

00:02:40.000 Not like our badass sponsors.

00:02:43.000 1-800-Flowers.com.

00:02:45.000 That's two dozen red roses.

00:02:47.000 Just $29.99.

00:02:48.000 And that's $20 off.

00:02:51.000 The original price.

00:02:52.000 But this is only available today. 0.99

00:02:54.000 Oh, shit. 0.99

00:02:55.000 Today. 1.00

00:02:56.000 Like, don't. 1.00

00:02:57.000 Just do it, bitch. 1.00

00:02:58.000 Get on that shit. 1.00

00:02:59.000 Don't be scared. 1.00

00:02:59.000 There's a radio list. 1.00

00:03:00.000 One day, one dozen Red Roses get another dozen free.

00:03:05.000 Available only today.

00:03:06.000 Go to 1-800-Flowers.com.

00:03:08.000 From your desktop or mobile device, click on the radio microphone in the upper right-hand corner and enter JRE. That's the code for this show.

00:03:16.000 That's 1-800-Flowers.com and enter JRE or call 1-800-Flowers and mention JRE. I like calling people, man.

00:03:24.000 I'm not ordering things online anymore.

00:03:27.000 I'm done.

00:03:27.000 I need to speak to humans.

00:03:29.000 There's a disconnect.

00:03:31.000 I heard Target just got hacked.

00:03:33.000 Really?

00:03:34.000 Yeah, I heard it on the news that if you've ever shopped at Target or online... 1.00

00:03:39.000 Oh no, you're fucked. 1.00

00:03:40.000 They're going to steal your credit card numbers. 1.00

00:03:42.000 No, that is everybody.

00:03:45.000 Everything's going through computers. 1.00

00:03:47.000 It's just numbers and fucking data. 0.99

00:03:50.000 It's nice to talk to a person every now and then. 0.99

00:03:52.000 Especially if they live in America. 0.90

00:03:54.000 America!

00:03:55.000 Yeah, it's really disconcerting.

00:03:58.000 It feels strange.

00:03:59.000 Not that there's anything wrong with talking to people from India.

00:04:02.000 There most certainly is nothing wrong with talking to people from India.

00:04:05.000 But when you're on the phone with someone, you know they're not even in America.

00:04:08.000 It's a head trip.

00:04:10.000 Yeah.

00:04:10.000 It's like...

00:04:11.000 What, Del?

00:04:12.000 What did you do?

00:04:14.000 Whatever companies do it.

00:04:15.000 You're like, what are you doing?

00:04:17.000 These people are on the other side of the world in a sweat factory for phone answering. 0.96

00:04:22.000 It makes you feel like the company doesn't care about any of us.

00:04:24.000 Not the Indians, not us, not anybody. 0.97

00:04:27.000 It totally feels like you're being put off.

00:04:29.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:04:29.000 But you've got to think, like, how many knucklehead fucking phone calls? 0.99

00:04:33.000 If you are running a computer company, say, if you're selling Windows computers, and you've got a customer service line, just stop and think about the fucking numbskull questions your friends have asked you about their computers. 0.99

00:04:46.000 Like, you know that one friend that didn't get a laptop until he was 30?

00:04:50.000 And he's like, alright, alright, I'm getting in.

00:04:52.000 And he starts asking questions.

00:04:53.000 Yeah, there's something wrong with my video drive.

00:04:56.000 Like, oh, there's something wrong with your video drive?

00:04:58.000 Yeah, that makes a lot of sense. 0.98

00:05:00.000 How fucking... 0.97

00:05:01.000 Where were you living? 1.00

00:05:03.000 Where were you living that you didn't understand a computer?

00:05:05.000 What's cut and paste?

00:05:06.000 What am I supposed to do?

00:05:07.000 I had to do that with Gateway, man.

00:05:09.000 That was the worst.

00:05:10.000 Yeah, you did that.

00:05:11.000 So what I was thinking is that that job is, you know, that's like...

00:05:15.000 Nobody wants that.

00:05:17.000 No.

00:05:17.000 That's the reason why they pawned it off.

00:05:19.000 After a while, they were probably like, fuck it. 1.00

00:05:20.000 We can't do this. 1.00

00:05:21.000 This is ridiculous. 0.62

00:05:22.000 We can't really give advice. 1.00

00:05:23.000 You give real advice, these motherfuckers will never get off the phone. 1.00

00:05:26.000 They can't figure out anything. 1.00

00:05:27.000 They don't know anything!

00:05:28.000 There's too much to do.

00:05:29.000 I gotta come to your house, and I'm gonna sit down with you for hours, and you have to be interested in learning.

00:05:33.000 Yeah, that's the tough part.

00:05:35.000 If you're starting from scratch now, you know... 0.99

00:05:38.000 Fucking too much, man. 0.99

00:05:40.000 We've adapted all of our skills and searching and clicking and pasting and control-c-ing and control-alt-deleting. 1.00

00:05:47.000 We've been fucking hitting keyboards for so long. 0.94

00:05:50.000 When someone's never done it and they're looking for the why, you're like, oh, Christ. 0.98

00:05:56.000 I'll come back tomorrow.

00:05:57.000 It's like those new pop machines that they have where you can choose all the different flavors, like Coke, grape, Coke, orange.

00:06:02.000 I was behind an old couple last night at Boston Market, and it took them like 10 minutes just to pour Coca-Cola.

00:06:07.000 Jesus Christ.

00:06:08.000 Oh, man.

00:06:09.000 Well, they're used to places where they actually do it for them.

00:06:10.000 There's too many options!

00:06:12.000 There's too many options!

00:06:13.000 Blah!

00:06:14.000 They're from a generation where they ordered a Coke and then someone brought it to them.

00:06:18.000 Well, you didn't have to work at the restaurant as well.

00:06:21.000 They made the Coke at the place.

00:06:22.000 Let's just get through these sponsors real quick.

00:06:24.000 We're also brought to you by Ting. 0.85

00:06:26.000 If you go to rogan.ting.com.

00:06:29.000 If you've never heard of Ting, Ting is one of our favorite sponsors because it's the only one that we have, other than Squarespace, that I think I've never heard anybody say a single negative thing about it.

00:06:39.000 Everybody who's used it loves it.

00:06:41.000 Guys that are on the podcast regularly, like Chris Ryan, he used it, says it saved him money.

00:06:48.000 They say that 98% of people would save money with Ting, and that's what it says on their website, because they do mobile differently.

00:06:55.000 What they mean by that is that, first of all, they don't have contracts.

00:06:58.000 You don't have to be connected with them in a way that makes it really uncomfortable to get out of it.

00:07:04.000 What they have is real straightforward, no-nonsense cellular service that's available on the Sprint network.

00:07:11.000 They buy time on the Sprint backbone.

00:07:13.000 So you're dealing with a really high-end cell phone signal.

00:07:18.000 You're dealing with 4G. You're dealing with the top Nokia devices, the top Samsung devices, all the badass Android devices, all the big screen ones.

00:07:28.000 That's what they sell.

00:07:29.000 And you can bring them over from Sprint as well.

00:07:34.000 If you have phones for Sprint, particularly even iPhones, the 4 and the 4S, you can bring them over from Sprint.

00:07:40.000 What they're trying to do is give you a no bullshit cell phone service, where they don't have to rip you off, they charge you a decent rate for an excellent service, and everybody's happy.

00:07:52.000 It's just an ethical way to do business.

00:07:55.000 It's an interesting approach.

00:07:57.000 And we've had nothing but positive feedback from the people that have used it.

00:08:01.000 And I know Brian saved $100 or something when he's in...

00:08:05.000 What was it?

00:08:05.000 I save $100 every month using my Ting.

00:08:08.000 My bill last month, and since I got this Galaxy Note 3, I've been using it like crazy, and my bill last month was $27. 0.99

00:08:16.000 You can buy six dozen roses with the fucking money you saved. 0.99

00:08:20.000 Sell it. 1.00

00:08:22.000 Flip them roses. 1.00

00:08:23.000 Flip them roses. 1.00

00:08:25.000 Yeah, Ting...

00:08:26.000 That's confusing.

00:08:30.000 Ting has the phone that I'm using right now, which is the Samsung Galaxy Note 3. It's fucking amazing. 0.90

00:08:37.000 I'm so into this phone. 0.97

00:08:39.000 I've never had a better phone for doing everything.

00:08:41.000 Oh yeah, you showed me that, yeah.

00:08:43.000 It's just so big.

00:08:44.000 It just makes me look like iPhones, look like toys now.

00:08:49.000 It's such a rich experience.

00:08:51.000 If you go to a website, you almost get a real website. 0.99

00:08:55.000 It's like you're moving it around and shit. 0.98

00:08:56.000 It fits in my back pocket. 0.98

00:08:58.000 They also have the Galaxy S4, which is another really pretty dope Samsung phone.

00:08:58.000 Ting has that.

00:09:03.000 They have all the best of what it is off the Sprint network, all the best phones that you could get.

00:09:13.000 It was the Nexus 2. There's a bunch of Nexuses.

00:09:17.000 Yeah, well, the Galaxy Mega Black also.

00:09:19.000 They have that megaphone, which is even bigger than the Note, I guess.

00:09:22.000 Oh, they have that crazy thing?

00:09:23.000 Yeah, they have it.

00:09:24.000 I think it's bigger.

00:09:25.000 You know what else I have?

00:09:26.000 I have that HTC One.

00:09:27.000 That is also another excellent phone.

00:09:28.000 That phone is beautiful, too.

00:09:30.000 Like, the build quality, it's all aluminum.

00:09:32.000 It's pretty sleek.

00:09:34.000 That's that one on the far right.

00:09:35.000 Yeah.

00:09:35.000 That's badass.

00:09:36.000 Nice.

00:09:37.000 That's probably the right side.

00:09:38.000 I always say to people, my phone's probably too big. 1.00

00:09:41.000 Three months from now, I'll be like, what am I doing with this big fucking stupid thing in my pocket? 0.99

00:09:44.000 It's like an iPad. 0.99

00:09:45.000 I'm starting to not like this flap as much.

00:09:47.000 The flap's annoying.

00:09:48.000 I don't like the book.

00:09:50.000 I think I'm going to go back to a regular case.

00:09:52.000 Yeah, me too.

00:09:53.000 Because it seems like you have to hold it weird.

00:09:54.000 It doesn't feel like you can grip it.

00:09:56.000 What do you got?

00:09:57.000 You got a mirror in the flap?

00:09:59.000 Yeah, I can keep my powder.

00:10:02.000 I can't keep my powder.

00:10:05.000 Open it up.

00:10:06.000 Imagine if there's like a little lip balm there, a little thing you unscrew.

00:10:09.000 Oh, okay.

00:10:10.000 At first I thought it was really cool, and now it's annoying.

00:10:13.000 Yeah, it just doesn't feel good on the hand.

00:10:16.000 Yeah.

00:10:16.000 Well, it's goofy if you're trying to do anything with one hand.

00:10:20.000 You feel like you have to spin it around and hold it in place.

00:10:20.000 Right.

00:10:23.000 I guess it's not that bad.

00:10:24.000 It's not too bad.

00:10:25.000 Maybe I'll miss it when it's gone.

00:10:29.000 Get all depressed.

00:10:30.000 Go to rogan.ting.com and you can save 25 bucks off of any of their new phones that they sell.

00:10:37.000 As we said, they're all the top-of-the-line Android phones.

00:10:41.000 The ones that I'm actually using right now. 0.99

00:10:44.000 So go there, get yourself some fucking roses. 1.00

00:10:46.000 Oh, they have that nice one in red. 1.00

00:10:48.000 The one that you have been in red.

00:10:49.000 Oh, the HTC One?

00:10:50.000 Yeah.

00:10:51.000 It's an awesome phone.

00:10:53.000 Rogan.ting.com.

00:10:54.000 Go there, my friends.

00:10:55.000 Go.

00:10:56.000 Be free.

00:10:56.000 Fly.

00:10:57.000 And enjoy.

00:10:59.000 Cheap cell phone service from an excellent provider.

00:11:02.000 I shouldn't say cheap.

00:11:03.000 Inexpensive.

00:11:04.000 People don't like cheap.

00:11:05.000 No.

00:11:05.000 They like inexpensive.

00:11:07.000 Learn that to fill charge.

00:11:08.000 This is called advertising lingo.

00:11:10.000 I'm trying to school you, son.

00:11:11.000 It's a bargain. 1.00

00:11:12.000 It's a fucking bargain. 1.00

00:11:12.000 It ain't cheap. 1.00

00:11:14.000 We're also brought to you by Onnit.com.

00:11:16.000 Onnit is O-N-N-I-T. And if you've been paying attention to some of the more recent things about vitamins, there's a fascinating blog that Aubrey put up over at Onnit.

00:11:29.000 Vitamins, there's all this debate about whether or not these new studies showed vitamins to be dangerous or to be ineffective.

00:11:41.000 And the study is actually really pretty limited.

00:11:44.000 I was kind of shocked that they would make the conclusions from this study that they made.

00:11:48.000 Because what the study showed was, first of all, people who had already had heart disease, and these are very minimal doses of synthetic vitamins too, and they showed people that had already had heart attacks, like recovery from heart attacks,

00:12:05.000 people showing a cognitive decline And I forget there was one other one.

00:12:11.000 But the idea behind it was that they were showing that vitamins were just not effective.

00:12:17.000 And that because in these three cases that they're stating that they didn't show a positive impact using what are essentially synthetic vitamins.

00:12:27.000 The best way to get vitamins, for sure, is from food.

00:12:31.000 But if you want to get high-level nutrients Like, really high levels in your body to the point where it's affecting you in positive ways, like with a nootropic or with, you know, vitamin B12 when you're exercising. 0.99

00:12:44.000 To actually get that all from food, holy fuck, you have to eat a lot of weird shit. 0.99

00:12:48.000 A lot of planning, too. 1.00

00:12:49.000 Yeah. 0.94

00:12:50.000 Like, the idea that these vitamins don't work is silly.

00:12:53.000 There's a reason why everyone knows vitamin 12 gives you energy.

00:12:56.000 It's because it's universally accepted.

00:12:58.000 If you take a shot of vitamin B12, if they give it to you intermuscularly, It has an impact on your energy.

00:13:04.000 There's no doubt about it.

00:13:05.000 When you work out, you feel like you have more energy, more gusto.

00:13:08.000 You have more vibrance to you.

00:13:11.000 That's a pretty important discovery.

00:13:14.000 That a vitamin gives your body more energy to push hard.

00:13:17.000 But it does.

00:13:18.000 It really does work.

00:13:20.000 B12 is about as rock-solid science as it gets.

00:13:23.000 There's a reason why these things have all been isolated.

00:13:25.000 They know what the effects of these things are.

00:13:27.000 And there's a gang of studies that showed different improvements in people that had taken vitamins for infectious illness, for mood and stress, cognition, work stress.

00:13:42.000 They even did a study on juvenile delinquency and they showed an improvement in juvenile delinquency and the lack of it if you give the kids healthy vitamins.

00:13:51.000 Well, I read something that mostly people that commit suicide are vitamin deficient.

00:13:56.000 And I don't know if vitamins can help you with that, but that says something right there.

00:14:00.000 I mean, it makes you really unhappy if you don't have all your vitamins.

00:14:02.000 There's no doubt.

00:14:03.000 I think a lot of people with the average American diet are vitamin deficient.

00:14:06.000 And it's way better, way better to get your diet in order and then slap them in.

00:14:12.000 It's way better.

00:14:15.000 I don't think there's ever any wrong reason to supplement as long as you're getting good vitamins and nutrients.

00:14:20.000 And that's where it gets weird because all vitamins are not created equal.

00:14:24.000 So when he makes an irresponsible statement where you're like, case closed, vitamins don't work, that's really silly.

00:14:30.000 Because your actual studies, they didn't prove that at all.

00:14:34.000 In fact, it does work.

00:14:35.000 There's a reason why they know that scurvy is cured by vitamin C. It's a vitamin C deficiency.

00:14:41.000 We have isolated all of these compounds.

00:14:45.000 That are crucial to human health. 0.99

00:14:47.000 They know what the fuck they are. 0.99

00:14:48.000 Doesn't the FDA love to say vitamins don't work? 1.00

00:14:51.000 I don't know who's saying it.

00:14:53.000 I think it's just these doctors that put together a case with these multivitamin researchers.

00:15:00.000 But look, they've got us talking about it.

00:15:03.000 It's certainly something to be discussed because I think they're right in a lot of ways.

00:15:07.000 And what they're right in a lot of ways is that if you take a standard multivitamin and you don't know the source of it, you don't know if it's food based, you don't know if it's plant based, you don't know where they're extracting their nutrients from, you're very likely to get It doesn't absorb,

00:15:23.000 right?

00:15:24.000 It most certainly doesn't absorb as well as the food.

00:15:24.000 Is that what you're saying?

00:15:28.000 But you don't know what levels you're getting.

00:15:31.000 You don't know where they're extracting it from, how much bioavailability is in these vitamins.

00:15:38.000 All vitamins are not created equally.

00:15:39.000 And the way you break them down is not created equally either. 0.95

00:15:42.000 Like those one-a-day things, the little blue tablets, they famously find those fucking things in the bottom of those porta-potties. 0.97

00:15:49.000 People shit them out and they see these little blue bullets. 0.99

00:15:51.000 No way! 0.99

00:15:52.000 Yeah, I've read it online, so it must be true.

00:15:54.000 I've done no research.

00:15:56.000 I've done no research, porta-potty research of my own.

00:15:58.000 That might be a Snoop's thing.

00:16:00.000 Is that what these people are saying?

00:16:02.000 Are they saying the normal multivitamin you don't absorb any enough to Do anything?

00:16:07.000 Is that what they're claiming?

00:16:10.000 What they're claiming is that they've shown that vitamins...

00:16:14.000 Well, they're basically saying that vitamins are not worth your time, that vitamins don't work.

00:16:18.000 Enough is enough.

00:16:19.000 Stop wasting your money on vitamin and mineral supplements is the actual title of their piece.

00:16:25.000 They found that most people that use porta-potties have diarrhea.

00:16:28.000 That's crazy if they would say that.

00:16:30.000 It gets out of there quick.

00:16:30.000 It's like a little raft ride.

00:16:32.000 You also don't use it unless it's an emergency.

00:16:34.000 Yeah, it's like a log roll down a raft.

00:16:36.000 Woo! 0.99

00:16:38.000 Everything out!

00:16:39.000 Like on a raging river.

00:16:40.000 I take B12 every morning under my tongue and I immediately feel it.

00:16:44.000 Sublingual B12 is also proven effective. 0.54

00:16:47.000 It's a joke to say that vitamins and minerals don't do anything for your body is a silly statement.

00:16:52.000 So when you see this enough is enough, stop wasting money on vitamin and mineral supplements, and then you look at their actual findings.

00:16:58.000 The findings were like, these were very limited tests done on, they were male physicians over 65 showed no improvement in cognitive decline using generic multivitamin supplementation.

00:17:15.000 Okay.

00:17:16.000 That's one thing.

00:17:17.000 It's male physicians over age 65. Okay.

00:17:22.000 All right.

00:17:23.000 They still went naughty.

00:17:25.000 They had a cognitive decline.

00:17:26.000 Okay.

00:17:27.000 And they showed no improvement in cognitive decline using generic multivitamin supplements. 0.99

00:17:32.000 So fucking what? 0.99

00:17:33.000 That doesn't mean anything. 0.99

00:17:35.000 Like generic multivitamin supplements.

00:17:37.000 And you're talking about guys who are over age 65 that are already sliding into the abyss.

00:17:42.000 Right.

00:17:43.000 You're saying vitamins didn't halt them from what?

00:17:45.000 Nature?

00:17:46.000 Vitamins didn't halt them from the old age process?

00:17:49.000 Right.

00:17:50.000 Because that's what you're talking about here.

00:17:51.000 So that's one part of this study.

00:17:53.000 Another study showed that high dose multivitamins had no effect on the progression of heart disease in heart attack survivors.

00:18:00.000 Okay. 0.99

00:18:01.000 Now you're talking about people who had fucking heart attacks. 1.00

00:18:03.000 Right. 0.99

00:18:04.000 And then you give them multivitamins and you're saying that vitamins didn't help. 0.90

00:18:08.000 How the fuck do you know that it didn't have an effect on progression of heart disease? 0.99

00:18:13.000 How the fuck do you know that they wouldn't have already gotten even quicker a relapse of a heart attack if they weren't taking vitamins? 0.99

00:18:20.000 The person's dying, obviously. 1.00

00:18:22.000 They already had a heart attack.

00:18:24.000 Yeah, if you have one heart attack, you're very likely to have another one.

00:18:27.000 So, saying that multivitamins don't work because it didn't stop that, this is crazy talk.

00:18:32.000 You're talking about people that are already dying.

00:18:34.000 This seems very irresponsible.

00:18:35.000 It's very irresponsible.

00:18:37.000 It's very irresponsible and very suspect.

00:18:39.000 It doesn't make any sense.

00:18:40.000 And I should point out that at Onnit, we don't sell multivitamins. 0.99

00:18:42.000 We don't sell any of that shit. 0.98

00:18:44.000 We sell only food-based stuff because the closer it is to food, the easier it is for your body to digest it. 0.99

00:18:50.000 It's just really simple stuff.

00:18:52.000 Synthetic stuff can work, but it doesn't work as good for your body.

00:18:57.000 It's not as bioavailable as what you can extract from food.

00:19:01.000 And that's why when we sell vitamins, we try to sell supplements.

00:19:05.000 If it's green stuff, it's like spirulina and...

00:19:09.000 I guess it's called chlorella.

00:19:10.000 That's how you say it.

00:19:11.000 I don't ever say it.

00:19:12.000 I just read it.

00:19:13.000 And then green supplements.

00:19:15.000 It's way better to get it in food, though.

00:19:17.000 And what is this?

00:19:18.000 Just like dehydrated food or what?

00:19:19.000 Well, I don't know how they extract it.

00:19:21.000 It probably says it.

00:19:24.000 On the website somewhere.

00:19:25.000 But essentially they're extracting nutrients from greens and grass and things along those lines. 0.99

00:19:32.000 And you just mix this shit in water. 0.98

00:19:34.000 And you get a better nutritional response than just a cheeseburger and fries. 0.99

00:19:40.000 That ain't doing anything.

00:19:40.000 Oof!

00:19:42.000 It'll be better for you than a lot of things.

00:19:44.000 It's just a supplement.

00:19:45.000 And having supplements, it allows us in our busy everyday life to...

00:19:50.000 You can boost your body's performance.

00:19:54.000 You can give yourself a little bit of an edge in a lot of different areas, whether it's workouts.

00:19:58.000 Taking something like Shroom Tech Sport, which is based out of the cordyceps mushroom.

00:20:03.000 It's been proven that the cordyceps mushroom has a really positive effect on your body's ability to process oxygen.

00:20:11.000 And it's really interesting stuff because they first learned about it from high-altitude herding populations.

00:20:17.000 And apparently what had happened was their cows would eat these mushrooms, these cordyceps mushrooms, and they became more active.

00:20:23.000 And they were noticing that they're more mobile.

00:20:26.000 They're more active.

00:20:27.000 They're moving around more.

00:20:28.000 And they pieced it together and figured out that this is a mushroom that they were eating.

00:20:33.000 And when they were eating this mushroom, that's when they started to have this response.

00:20:36.000 So that also is mixed with a very bioavailable form of vitamin B12. And it's an awesome supplement to take about an hour before you work out.

00:20:46.000 All these things work, and we're so confident that they work that we have a 90-day 30-pill money-back guarantee when you buy New Mood, which is a 5-HTP supplement.

00:20:58.000 Which is designed to give your body the building blocks for serotonin.

00:21:03.000 Give your body the building blocks to make your brain actually feel better.

00:21:07.000 All this stuff is fascinating stuff and there's a lot of science behind 5-HTP as well.

00:21:11.000 And all the other different supplements, it's all listed on it.

00:21:14.000 Go to O-N-N-I-T, this commercial's too long, and enter in the code name Rogue and save yourself 10% off any and all supplements.

00:21:21.000 Alright, boom.

00:21:22.000 The full charge is here.

00:21:23.000 Ladies and gentlemen, let's get freaky.

00:21:25.000 Yes!

00:21:26.000 Cue the music.

00:21:29.000 The Joe Rogan Experience.

00:21:31.000 Train by day!

00:21:32.000 Joe Rogan Podcast by night!

00:21:34.000 All day!

00:21:35.000 The full charge!

00:21:37.000 The full charge!

00:21:39.000 By the way, I have spoken to the actual Nick Diaz himself.

00:21:42.000 The man in that, you know, Train by Day video.

00:21:45.000 Yeah.

00:21:45.000 And he's going to do the podcast.

00:21:47.000 Nice.

00:21:48.000 Allegedly.

00:21:49.000 He's a free spirit.

00:21:51.000 He might change his mind.

00:21:52.000 Right, right, right.

00:21:53.000 Like your free spirit, Duncan Trussell, buddy.

00:21:57.000 Well, Duncan had a very legitimate reason.

00:21:57.000 Yeah, well, no.

00:22:00.000 100% legitimate reason that he couldn't podcast today.

00:22:03.000 No, no, no, no, no.

00:22:03.000 That's all good.

00:22:05.000 It's 100% legitimate.

00:22:07.000 But it's a personal reason, and he'll be on Tuesday.

00:22:12.000 We're good to go.

00:22:35.000 That's a quote.

00:22:36.000 Was this the guy that knew you were a comic?

00:22:38.000 Yeah, this was Fat James.

00:22:39.000 I don't know if you knew Fat James.

00:22:41.000 Of course I knew Fat James.

00:22:42.000 I was very sad when he passed.

00:22:44.000 Yeah.

00:22:44.000 I miss that guy.

00:22:45.000 He was a sweetheart.

00:22:46.000 Yeah.

00:22:47.000 Fat James from the Comedy Story.

00:22:49.000 He called himself Fat James, folks.

00:22:50.000 Sure.

00:22:51.000 He would put his hand out and say, Fat James.

00:22:54.000 Hi, Fat James.

00:22:55.000 Pleased to meet you.

00:22:56.000 He would literally call himself Fat James.

00:22:58.000 He was a fun guy to be around.

00:22:59.000 That was his hook.

00:23:00.000 I'm fat.

00:23:00.000 He was great.

00:23:01.000 Fat James' story was he came home one night.

00:23:05.000 He was fit.

00:23:06.000 I guess he was in the military, right?

00:23:08.000 Wasn't he in the military?

00:23:09.000 I didn't know him that well.

00:23:10.000 Oh, wasn't he in the military?

00:23:11.000 Do you know, Brian?

00:23:12.000 I don't remember that part.

00:23:13.000 He was either a cop or he's in the military.

00:23:15.000 One of those.

00:23:15.000 Anyway, he was fit.

00:23:17.000 He was like a healthy guy.

00:23:17.000 Uh-huh.

00:23:19.000 He came home and caught his wife fucking his best friend. 1.00

00:23:22.000 Okay. 1.00

00:23:23.000 And just went off the deep end.

00:23:25.000 Just started eating.

00:23:26.000 Huh.

00:23:27.000 Yeah.

00:23:28.000 That was his story.

00:23:29.000 Being beautiful didn't work for him.

00:23:31.000 I mean, you know, his wife cheated on him.

00:23:33.000 Well, I don't know if it was ever beautiful.

00:23:35.000 I don't know how beautiful his potential for beauty is.

00:23:38.000 He was a good guy, though, man.

00:23:39.000 He was a really good guy.

00:23:40.000 He was a fun guy.

00:23:41.000 Always around the store.

00:23:43.000 What did he do back there?

00:23:44.000 He worked for the store for a while.

00:23:45.000 He worked the door for a while.

00:23:47.000 He had that East Coast flavor.

00:23:49.000 I'll tell you what, dude. 0.98

00:23:50.000 He was fucking funny on stage, too. 0.98

00:23:52.000 I saw Fat James have some funny sets. 1.00

00:23:54.000 He was ridiculous.

00:23:56.000 Did a couple stints on Always Sunny in Philadelphia. 0.99

00:23:59.000 Did he?

00:24:00.000 Absolutely, dude.

00:24:01.000 He started getting some acting work after a while.

00:24:04.000 Is this him trying to get on this bull?

00:24:07.000 What?

00:24:07.000 They're trying to put him up on a mechanical bull.

00:24:10.000 Oh my god.

00:24:12.000 Great hair.

00:24:12.000 He's so big.

00:24:13.000 One flip and he's down.

00:24:15.000 Remember him taking a shower?

00:24:17.000 He plopped his...

00:24:18.000 Oh god.

00:24:24.000 Oh, that's so hilarious.

00:24:26.000 Ow. 0.99

00:24:27.000 Oh, this is so funny.

00:24:36.000 Is that Jimmy and Joey?

00:24:41.000 Yeah, it is.

00:24:45.000 Wow.

00:24:46.000 Alright.

00:24:46.000 Take it off.

00:24:47.000 I'm getting nostalgic, man.

00:24:49.000 You know, I've actually been Jimmy in the Jimmy and Joey phenomenon.

00:24:53.000 Just once.

00:24:54.000 Just on a whim.

00:24:55.000 The Jimmy and Joey what?

00:24:57.000 For those that don't know, Jimmy and Joey is like a double Andrew Dice Clay.

00:25:01.000 What is this?

00:25:02.000 Do you guys know what it is?

00:25:03.000 Like the Sklar Brothers version of Andrew Dice Clay?

00:25:05.000 You remember Jimmy and Joey, don't you, Joe?

00:25:07.000 It goes back and forth.

00:25:09.000 It's like, how come Italians don't like Jehovah's Witnesses?

00:25:12.000 I don't know.

00:25:13.000 Why don't they like Jehovah's Witnesses? 1.00

00:25:14.000 Italians don't like any witnesses! 1.00

00:25:18.000 And they just go back and forth with the setup and then they hit the punchline.

00:25:21.000 I remember those guys.

00:25:21.000 Yeah, I remember those guys.

00:25:22.000 So there was always different Jimmies. 1.00

00:25:24.000 Fat James did.

00:25:24.000 And at one point, I was a Jimmy.

00:25:26.000 Fat James was a Jimmy.

00:25:27.000 Oh, I get what you're saying.

00:25:29.000 So you played a character in this show.

00:25:31.000 So it was a show.

00:25:32.000 I just did it once.

00:25:33.000 Oh, that's funny.

00:25:34.000 So they have fake names.

00:25:37.000 Well, yeah, there's a fake...

00:25:38.000 Well, the original Jimmy was really named Jimmy.

00:25:40.000 That's a fascinating subject because I know that guys have sold their acts to other people.

00:25:46.000 Remember that guy who had Defending the Caveman?

00:25:49.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:25:50.000 Broadway thing?

00:25:51.000 Yeah.

00:25:51.000 What was that guy's name?

00:25:52.000 I don't know his name.

00:25:53.000 Hold on a second.

00:25:54.000 Because he was a stand-up.

00:25:55.000 And really a fascinating story because he made a ton of money off this show.

00:26:01.000 I'm sure he did.

00:26:01.000 Yes, he did.

00:26:04.000 He was a stand-up and he put together, like, he put a stand-up together in the form of, like, a one-man show.

00:26:10.000 And it became very popular.

00:26:12.000 Rob Becker is his name.

00:26:14.000 But then he started, like, selling it to people that they could do it, like actors.

00:26:19.000 So they could all do it all at once all over the country.

00:26:21.000 Yeah, Michael Chiklis did it.

00:26:22.000 No kidding.

00:26:23.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:26:24.000 No kidding.

00:26:25.000 I'm almost positive.

00:26:26.000 Hold on, let me pull this up, or else he'll sue me.

00:26:28.000 Because they're definitely doing that show in Vegas every time I'm there.

00:26:31.000 By the way, Michael Chiklis, I'm a huge fan.

00:26:34.000 He's The Shield, right?

00:26:35.000 Yeah, I love that guy.

00:26:36.000 The Commish? 0.78

00:26:36.000 Yeah, I'm not goofing on you, man. 0.78

00:26:38.000 Did one episode of Seinfeld?

00:26:39.000 Are we talking about the same guy?

00:26:40.000 Yeah, Michael Chiklis.

00:26:42.000 He was also The Thing in the Fantastic Four.

00:26:47.000 Right, right, right.

00:26:47.000 Ha, ha, ha.

00:26:48.000 Ha, ha.

00:26:49.000 Oh, yeah, he did.

00:26:50.000 Yeah, he did his Broadway debut in the one-man show Defending the Caveman, so I was correct.

00:26:55.000 Nice.

00:26:56.000 We don't even need the internet.

00:26:57.000 Well, I just sort of remember it because I was like, wow, that's weird.

00:27:01.000 But I guess it makes sense.

00:27:02.000 But, you know, to a comic, it's weird.

00:27:05.000 Like, you know, you're going to buy an act.

00:27:08.000 Like, all of a sudden, like...

00:27:10.000 You, for instance.

00:27:11.000 What year did you start out?

00:27:13.000 98. 98. What if instead of you doing your act, what if Dave Attell just sold you his act?

00:27:22.000 Oh, I would love it.

00:27:22.000 And you would go on stage and you would do, say, a classic album, Skanks for the Memories, which is my favorite, Dave Attell.

00:27:30.000 If you went on stage and just did it as Dave Attell, that would be called The Skanks for the Memory Show.

00:27:37.000 Right.

00:27:37.000 And you would hire an actor to do it.

00:27:39.000 That's weird.

00:27:39.000 It's really weird?

00:27:41.000 And goddammit, I wish that was available.

00:27:46.000 Don't you think, though, that they're two totally different things is why it's weird.

00:27:50.000 And when you turn stand-up into a one-man show, then you can get away with anything.

00:27:56.000 Because it's a clearly defined one-man show.

00:27:59.000 And it's this defending the caveman one-man show.

00:28:01.000 Absolutely.

00:28:03.000 As a comic, you can never do that.

00:28:06.000 No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

00:28:07.000 You can't do it because every year you have to have a new act.

00:28:10.000 Right.

00:28:11.000 So what's going on is that this guy figured out a way to take stand-up But transport it into a safe zone.

00:28:18.000 Right.

00:28:19.000 And then just drop it off where it exists in perpetuity.

00:28:22.000 Right.

00:28:22.000 No more rules.

00:28:23.000 And now this act can be done at the same time in all 50 states.

00:28:28.000 And in a way, you get all the money from it.

00:28:30.000 So you don't have to tour as much.

00:28:32.000 You stay in Vegas and do it.

00:28:33.000 Right.

00:28:33.000 While all your minions do it around the country.

00:28:35.000 That is fucking weird. 0.98

00:28:37.000 What if you started making the full charge show? 0.98

00:28:40.000 Yeah.

00:28:40.000 You were showing the Full Charge show.

00:28:42.000 You would show it in Los Angeles in select markets.

00:28:45.000 Yeah.

00:28:45.000 But then you would give people licenses to do it in Atlanta.

00:28:48.000 First of all, all my minions would have to be called the Half Charge. 0.99

00:28:52.000 The Half Charge. 0.93

00:28:54.000 What do you do for a living?

00:28:55.000 I'm Half Charge.

00:28:56.000 Oh, really?

00:28:57.000 So you do the full charges jokes?

00:28:59.000 Do you write your own jokes?

00:29:00.000 I have a lot of my own stuff, but mostly today people want to hear the full charge, so that's what I do for now.

00:29:04.000 It's just, you know, it's not my dream.

00:29:06.000 I'm basically a cover band.

00:29:08.000 Yeah, this pays the bills, and then I do my own stuff at open mics around Atlantic City.

00:29:11.000 But it is fascinating that in our art form, the...

00:29:15.000 Pretentious title that you give to stand-up comedy that we all give.

00:29:18.000 You're not allowed to do that, but in almost every other kind of music, people do that.

00:29:24.000 Movies, music?

00:29:25.000 Music, any other kind of entertainment rather.

00:29:27.000 Tarantino straight up copies other movies, and it's known as an homage.

00:29:33.000 Right, right.

00:29:34.000 But with stand-up, it's very sacred to us.

00:29:36.000 I think it's just because you don't get paid as much.

00:29:40.000 That's probably exactly what it is. 0.99

00:29:42.000 We're just fucking... 1.00

00:29:43.000 Where's my piece, bitch? 1.00

00:29:44.000 We got our rules. 1.00

00:29:45.000 Oh, we certainly do.

00:29:46.000 Because it's not documented when we do our stuff.

00:29:49.000 Not necessarily.

00:29:50.000 Right.

00:29:51.000 You not only have to have rules for other people, you have to have rules for yourself, too.

00:29:57.000 Everybody has to keep everybody honest.

00:29:59.000 Because the idea of creativity and the idea of originality and unique thoughts and the origin of thoughts...

00:30:07.000 It's pretty important to us because it's all we have.

00:30:10.000 All a comic has essentially is what he's created in his own mind and then put to paper or keyboard and then transfers to the stage.

00:30:18.000 That's all you have.

00:30:19.000 As a comic, that's all you have. 0.99

00:30:20.000 You can jazz it up and dance with it and do all kinds of shit. 0.90

00:30:23.000 But if you don't have the raw material, you don't have anything. 0.94

00:30:27.000 Exactly.

00:30:28.000 That's why for us that...

00:30:29.000 That honesty process is super important.

00:30:32.000 I also think it's one of the cool things about what we do, that we have so many comic friends that we're constantly interacting with on a regular basis.

00:30:41.000 It's always Joey and Ari and Duncan and you and Segura and fucking Kreischer and all super cool, super honest, super...

00:30:50.000 Above-board people.

00:30:52.000 That don't even want to do something that's similar to somebody else's.

00:30:52.000 Right.

00:30:56.000 Have no desire and drop shit in a heartbeat when you find out that it's too close to something else. 0.99

00:31:01.000 Right, exactly. 1.00

00:31:01.000 Just go, oh, fuck it. 1.00

00:31:03.000 It's over. 1.00

00:31:03.000 The last you want to hear is someone's comparing you to someone else. 1.00

00:31:07.000 Also, you get to hang with and joke around with the funniest dudes on the planet. 0.99

00:31:12.000 Yeah, because we all trust each other to just fuck around. 0.98

00:31:15.000 Like, we all trust each... 1.00

00:31:17.000 Like, Ari was... 0.97

00:31:18.000 I forget what the subject was.

00:31:19.000 We were joking around about something the other day.

00:31:21.000 And I'm like, dude, you've got to do that on stage.

00:31:23.000 And we started, like, working on how he would do it on stage.

00:31:27.000 Like, would you do it like this or like that?

00:31:29.000 And when you do that, like, there's that camaraderie where you do that for each other.

00:31:34.000 Like, you both have an idea, or one of you has an idea, and the other one tries to enhance it and help each other.

00:31:40.000 That boosts us all.

00:31:42.000 Yeah.

00:31:42.000 It boosts us all.

00:31:43.000 Like, I'll get off stage, Segura will have a tagline for me.

00:31:46.000 Yeah.

00:31:46.000 After you said that, like, maybe that.

00:31:49.000 It's so much easier to write for someone else.

00:31:51.000 Sometimes.

00:31:52.000 Because, like, there's no pressure on what you wrote.

00:31:55.000 Yeah.

00:31:55.000 And you just get to sit back and watch the other person do it.

00:31:58.000 Then something pops into your head.

00:32:00.000 And you can just give it.

00:32:01.000 I mean, it's just all inspiration.

00:32:04.000 Have you ever tried to write for someone specifically, though, for their stand-up?

00:32:07.000 Sat down and tried to write for someone?

00:32:09.000 Yeah, me neither.

00:32:09.000 No.

00:32:10.000 I know a lot of guys have done that, though.

00:32:12.000 I know there was a lot of guys that were helping Chris Rock when he was putting together one of his HBO specials.

00:32:19.000 And I think DePaulo might have been one of them.

00:32:22.000 I believe Voss.

00:32:24.000 Louis C.K. definitely wrote for Chris Rock.

00:32:26.000 Yeah.

00:32:27.000 I think because also Chris was doing so many different things at the same time and probably doing movies and shit and I think he just liked to have all those minds to help him you know go over his stuff which is that's a ballsy move you know have all these bad motherfuckers write cool jokes for you I know and also work with you creating the jokes so you get like The opinions of all these expert comedians,

00:32:49.000 that's a real ballsy move because a lot of comedians don't want to be judged on their performances.

00:32:54.000 But when you're bringing in guys like Louis C.K. to write for you, you're going to get the real deal.

00:33:00.000 You're going to be in the most honest assessment ever of the material.

00:33:04.000 And a bunch of masterminds gearing together and putting together this perfect masterpiece of comedy.

00:33:10.000 Do you personally think that's good, though?

00:33:12.000 I think that's weird.

00:33:12.000 Yes.

00:33:14.000 It's good for the project.

00:33:15.000 Yes and no.

00:33:15.000 It's not what I do, but I don't think there's anything wrong with it.

00:33:18.000 I think, well, Chris Rock is one of the greatest comedians of all time, and if that's how he did it, he did it brilliantly.

00:33:23.000 And it's right there in the credits.

00:33:24.000 Oh, 100%.

00:33:25.000 Written by such and such, such and such.

00:33:28.000 I know Eddie Murphy did it on Raw.

00:33:30.000 Like Keenan Ivory Wayans wrote on Raw.

00:33:32.000 Absolutely nothing wrong with that.

00:33:33.000 Nothing wrong with it.

00:33:36.000 Especially because of the way they did it, which is so above board.

00:33:39.000 They let everybody know they were doing it.

00:33:41.000 No one hid that.

00:33:43.000 And not only that, it's like, what's wrong with bringing in writers?

00:33:46.000 There's nothing wrong with it.

00:33:47.000 It's not unethical.

00:33:49.000 It's not uncreative.

00:33:50.000 Just because you're creating with other people doesn't mean you're not still creative.

00:33:53.000 It'd actually be very inspiring.

00:33:56.000 It's a great idea.

00:33:57.000 And it could get rid of a lot of doubt.

00:33:59.000 Yeah.

00:34:00.000 As far as like, they're like, this is what you're doing that's good.

00:34:02.000 This is, you can use this, blah, blah, blah.

00:34:04.000 It's exciting.

00:34:05.000 Dude, plagiarism is the problem.

00:34:07.000 It's not cooperation.

00:34:09.000 Cooperation and paid cooperation, which is essentially what writing is.

00:34:09.000 Right.

00:34:13.000 Writing for a comic is great.

00:34:13.000 Right.

00:34:15.000 It sounds like a great idea.

00:34:16.000 I don't do it that way, but I would.

00:34:19.000 I think it's really, comedy is just really personal for me.

00:34:22.000 It's like when you're involving somebody else's idea of what they think You should sound like, to me, that's just gross.

00:34:22.000 It is.

00:34:28.000 Well, you gotta imagine Chris Rock went up at the cellar, did what he had, and then the other guys contributed.

00:34:34.000 That's what I'm imagining.

00:34:35.000 I'm very sure of that.

00:34:36.000 And then spiced things up, or added, or had an idea.

00:34:40.000 Maybe Chris could run it out.

00:34:41.000 It's not like he was getting all of his jokes from these guys.

00:34:44.000 He was getting, like, a little juice.

00:34:46.000 A little here and there, a little spark.

00:34:47.000 And you're getting it from, like, hungry guys who are really good.

00:34:49.000 You know, they're out there. 0.99

00:34:50.000 He's not like, hey, Louis C.K., let's talk about your divorce in my ass. 0.99

00:34:53.000 I hear what you're saying, too, though. 0.99

00:34:55.000 I agree with you in a lot of ways, is that it's very personal.

00:34:58.000 But...

00:34:59.000 Even though it's very personal, sometimes another eye on what you're doing, they'll open you up to, like, oh, I didn't even think of that.

00:35:08.000 And then, mm, like, why was I doing it that way?

00:35:11.000 Because if I didn't say that, it would open up the whole back end of it.

00:35:15.000 There's a lot of times some things that your friends can see that you don't see.

00:35:19.000 I know a lot of comics that actually have writers, and that to me always felt really weird.

00:35:24.000 Because it seems like they're just actors now.

00:35:27.000 Or they're just boyfriends.

00:35:29.000 They have a boyfriend.

00:35:30.000 They call them a writer. 0.99

00:35:31.000 What if a white guy came up with those black peoples and those niggas? 1.00

00:35:36.000 Hey, Chris, I got this idea! 0.99

00:35:37.000 What if you started doing it?

00:35:38.000 If you started doing bigger and blacker. 0.97

00:35:40.000 A white guy starts doing the bigger and blacker tour and just redoes all the... 0.95

00:35:44.000 Well, there was a guy doing that for Hicks, man.

00:35:46.000 Which I thought was really weird.

00:35:48.000 Yeah, there was a guy that was doing Hicks as a one-man show.

00:35:52.000 Dennis Leary?

00:35:52.000 Try to pull that up.

00:35:54.000 How dare you! 0.99

00:35:56.000 No, the guy was doing Bill Hicks as a one-man show.

00:36:00.000 God, impersonating Bill Hicks as a one-man show?

00:36:02.000 Let me Google this.

00:36:03.000 That's weird, because Bill Hicks still isn't famous.

00:36:06.000 Oh, I think he's pretty famous.

00:36:10.000 Is Larry still around?

00:36:12.000 Is he on a show or something?

00:36:13.000 I don't know.

00:36:14.000 I know they wanted Craig Gass to do a Kinnison Vegas thing.

00:36:19.000 Well, he does an incredible Kinnison impression.

00:36:22.000 Yeah.

00:36:23.000 I can't find it here anywhere.

00:36:26.000 But there was a guy, I'm very positive that there was a guy who was trying to put together a one-man show, and he was just going to do Bill Hicks.

00:36:35.000 Like...

00:36:35.000 Like a Mark Twain sort of a thing.

00:36:37.000 Sure.

00:36:37.000 You could go up and do Mark Twain today.

00:36:39.000 Because Mark Twain's been dead for a long fucking time. 0.98

00:36:41.000 Right, so people are happy to see it. 0.99

00:36:43.000 No one's gonna know what he really was like and be like, bitch, that is not how Mark Twain talks. 0.98

00:36:48.000 This is terrible. 1.00

00:36:49.000 This is fucking terrible. 1.00

00:36:51.000 Put the pipe down. 1.00

00:36:52.000 You're holding the pipe with the left.

00:36:54.000 He held with the right.

00:36:56.000 Ugh.

00:36:57.000 God!

00:36:58.000 But a guy like Hicks, I saw him in the flesh.

00:37:01.000 He didn't die that long ago.

00:37:03.000 When did you see him and where did you see him?

00:37:04.000 I saw him a couple times.

00:37:06.000 I saw him on at least three, possibly four occasions, meaning I saw him for an entire weekend.

00:37:16.000 Okay.

00:37:16.000 And it was all when he was visiting Boston.

00:37:19.000 Because he was a big, like, touring pro coming off of the Roddy Dangerfield special, and he was, like, just starting to catch heat right as I got into comedy.

00:37:19.000 All right.

00:37:30.000 So I was lucky enough to be at a point where the clubs would let me come by.

00:37:35.000 Like, I was an open-miker, but the clubs would let me in on a Friday night, and I could watch God.

00:37:39.000 There's no way I was working with them.

00:37:41.000 I mean, I was terrible.

00:37:41.000 Right.

00:37:42.000 But they would let me come in and watch them.

00:37:44.000 The Comedy Connection, the way they ran it, and Nick's and all those places in Boston, it was so cool.

00:37:50.000 Because they had great comics would come in every weekend.

00:37:53.000 You'd have guys that would come in, like Dom Herrera, I saw him there.

00:37:57.000 They would all come and have a big name headliner.

00:38:01.000 But they also had this insane community of really great comedy around there as well.

00:38:06.000 And the way they did it is because they super supported open micers.

00:38:11.000 Super supported the new talent.

00:38:12.000 They knew that new talent is what becomes headliners one day.

00:38:15.000 And you have to nurture it.

00:38:17.000 And they were big about that.

00:38:18.000 So when a guy like Hicks was in talent, they would tell me.

00:38:20.000 You gotta see Hicks.

00:38:22.000 And Paul Barkley told me.

00:38:23.000 He was like, you gotta see this guy. 0.99

00:38:24.000 He's fucking tremendous. 0.98

00:38:25.000 I go, that's the guy from the HBO special, right? 0.99

00:38:26.000 And he's like, yeah, but you gotta see him.

00:38:28.000 He's on another level.

00:38:30.000 And then I remember seeing him for the first time and going, whoa. 0.99

00:38:33.000 Like, guys say they don't give a fuck. 1.00

00:38:37.000 But they give a fuck. 1.00

00:38:38.000 Everybody gives a fuck, man. 1.00

00:38:39.000 I always give a fuck. 1.00

00:38:40.000 I do. 1.00

00:38:41.000 I give a fuck right now. 1.00

00:38:42.000 I give a fuck when I'm stumbling through a Squarespace commercial and I can't get my fat tongue to work right. 1.00

00:38:42.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:38:46.000 I give a fuck at the supermarket. 1.00

00:38:47.000 I don't want to look dumb. 1.00

00:38:48.000 Bill Hicks did not give a fuck, man. 1.00

00:38:50.000 I'm telling you, I saw the first guy in my life that honestly didn't give a fuck on stage when I saw him. 1.00

00:38:50.000 Really? 1.00

00:38:55.000 Because the first time I saw him, well, I saw him twice in the same time period.

00:39:01.000 He was an The comedy connection, and then he came to Nick's shortly thereafter.

00:39:06.000 I got to see him in both places.

00:39:08.000 The comedy connection was pretty fucking fascinating. 0.69

00:39:11.000 But when he came to Nick's, he went on after a guy that was doing impressions of different cartoon animal smoking pot. 0.94

00:39:18.000 He literally had cop donut jokes.

00:39:22.000 The guy who we went on before was a funny guy, but he was...

00:39:28.000 It wasn't the same style of comedy by any stretch of the imagination.

00:39:32.000 It was a terrible setup for Bill Hicks.

00:39:32.000 Right.

00:39:34.000 Because it was all like really dopey, you know, base, shitty comedy, right? 1.00

00:39:40.000 Alright, Hicks goes on after him and just eats fat piles of shit. 1.00

00:39:45.000 Just giant plates and plates of shit. 1.00

00:39:47.000 And by the end of the show, there's maybe 300 people in this place. 1.00

00:39:52.000 Let's say 250. There's maybe 50 left at the end of the show.

00:39:55.000 He's walked the entire crowd.

00:39:57.000 Except for 50 people and me, Greg Fitzsimmons, and like three or four other local Boston comics that I can't remember the name.

00:40:05.000 Right. 0.98

00:40:05.000 And we were fucking crying. 0.98

00:40:07.000 He didn't give a fuck. 1.00

00:40:07.000 Right. 1.00

00:40:08.000 He was doing his bits as if he was killing and they were all dying.

00:40:14.000 Right.

00:40:14.000 Everything was dying.

00:40:15.000 Right.

00:40:15.000 The crowd just did not bite except for this small core people that were in the back that were howling and the comics.

00:40:22.000 Right. 0.90

00:40:23.000 Now, I just worked with somebody recently in Indianapolis who's been around for a long time, and he said Bill Hicks had a lot more dick jokes than you think. 0.98

00:40:31.000 Oh, yeah. 0.93

00:40:32.000 Well, he used to joke around about it.

00:40:33.000 You know, spice up any other topic. 0.97

00:40:37.000 Just throw dick jokes in between them to keep people interested. 0.97

00:40:40.000 He would joke around about having to do that. 0.99

00:40:43.000 Don't worry, folks, dick jokes are coming. 0.98

00:40:47.000 Yeah, I've heard that. 0.99

00:40:47.000 I've heard that. 0.99

00:40:50.000 I mean, he was a fascinating comic to me because he represents...

00:40:55.000 I've had arguments with Ari about him because Ari doesn't think he was funny.

00:40:59.000 Ari's a funny guy, but he's honest about it.

00:41:01.000 He tells me.

00:41:01.000 Sure.

00:41:02.000 He goes, it's not funny.

00:41:03.000 He makes really good points, but he's not funny.

00:41:05.000 Right.

00:41:06.000 I disagree.

00:41:07.000 I always laugh at him.

00:41:09.000 I laughed at him when I saw him in 88. I laugh at it now.

00:41:12.000 But what I think he represents is the first guy that started looking at what you talk about on stage completely differently.

00:41:21.000 He started as a young man on acid, like that whole bit about, what about a positive drug trip?

00:41:25.000 It was really powerful... 0.93

00:41:31.000 It was non-bullshit talk.

00:41:33.000 It was in a way, it was like, when he was doing certain bits, he wasn't just doing a bit.

00:41:40.000 He was doing a bit that plants a seed and gets you thinking about a subject differently. 0.99

00:41:44.000 Because he's mocked it so well that whenever you try to seriously bring up the war on drugs after you've heard Bill Hicks talk about it, you seem like an asshole. 0.99

00:41:54.000 Right, right, right, right. 0.96

00:41:58.000 It was a fascinating way of mixing ideas into comedy in, I think, the most powerful way since Lenny Bruce.

00:42:05.000 I personally think he's the most powerful at it because his impact is felt by, I think, a different era because of YouTube and because of the videos and the audio that's available.

00:42:17.000 The Lenny Bruce stuff, if you try to go back and listen to it now, it doesn't really hold up anymore.

00:42:22.000 Right, right.

00:42:23.000 It's weird.

00:42:24.000 It's so dated.

00:42:24.000 You can tell why it was groundbreaking at the time, but now it's just like, huh?

00:42:28.000 Yeah.

00:42:29.000 It's very beat poet, very rambling.

00:42:32.000 Yeah.

00:42:32.000 Hicks was on a totally different level.

00:42:34.000 And Hicks did in the 80s, too.

00:42:35.000 Mm-hmm.

00:42:37.000 Well, there wasn't really a need for that.

00:42:38.000 Yeah.

00:42:39.000 Well, it was the Reagan administration and the Bush 1 administration.

00:42:44.000 People were getting by on, who squeezes the bottom of the toothpaste?

00:42:48.000 And no disrespect to Seinfeld.

00:42:51.000 I can't believe...

00:42:53.000 Where is that song?

00:42:54.000 What's the deal?

00:42:55.000 I can't believe...

00:42:57.000 Whenever I think about Bill Hicks, I just can't believe he was dead and gone at 32. That blows my mind.

00:43:02.000 And when you're talking about that acid joke, that's on tape on Dangerous when he was 27. That's a brilliant joke.

00:43:09.000 That's insane.

00:43:09.000 Yeah, that is insane.

00:43:11.000 I don't want to show you tape of me when I was 27. Well, you don't want to see tape of him when he was like 17, because he was funny when he was 17. I know!

00:43:18.000 He was going up at the fucking Houston Annex when he was 17 and was good. 0.99

00:43:22.000 I know. 0.99

00:43:22.000 He was clean. 0.99

00:43:24.000 I mean, clean as far as his delivery was clean.

00:43:27.000 It was really good stuff. 0.99

00:43:29.000 It wasn't the embarrassing shit that would represent you or I. No, he would get lost in... 0.99

00:43:33.000 This is based on the documentary that just came out I saw a couple years ago.

00:43:36.000 He would get lost in characters of his family.

00:43:39.000 And he was just crazy funny.

00:43:41.000 And he was just as good as the guys that were twice his age. 0.99

00:43:45.000 Fucking pancreatic cancer. 1.00

00:43:47.000 Crazy, crazy fucking disease. 1.00

00:43:50.000 That's a bad one too, allegedly. 1.00

00:43:53.000 How do you get that?

00:43:54.000 Well, a lot of it is cigarettes.

00:43:56.000 A lot of people believe that there's a correlation between cigarettes.

00:43:59.000 Pancreas is a thing you can remove, right?

00:44:01.000 It does nothing?

00:44:02.000 No.

00:44:04.000 It does nothing.

00:44:05.000 Brian's like, my body has extra parts, right?

00:44:07.000 Take it out and I'll be lighter.

00:44:09.000 Brian's education is based on operation in the board game.

00:44:11.000 Appendix, right?

00:44:13.000 You can take out your tonsils and your appendix, I think.

00:44:16.000 Yes, you can take out your appendix.

00:44:18.000 You can definitely take out your appendix.

00:44:19.000 What causes pancreatic cancer?

00:44:21.000 Aside from advanced age, smoking is the main risk factor.

00:44:24.000 Oh, great.

00:44:26.000 A smoker is three to four times more likely than a non-smoker to acquire pancreatic cancer.

00:44:33.000 Where's your pancreas at? 0.99

00:44:34.000 Who knows?

00:44:35.000 It's inside that body thing, cage.

00:44:38.000 Like in the main part.

00:44:39.000 Like a bulletproof vest will cover it.

00:44:39.000 Oh, in the main part?

00:44:41.000 Under the flip cage? 0.99

00:44:42.000 What the fuck, man? 1.00

00:44:44.000 Cigarettes are so scary. 1.00

00:44:45.000 It's in your arm.

00:44:46.000 And Hicks smoked a lot of cigarettes and did jokes about smoking cigarettes.

00:44:49.000 He argued for cigarettes.

00:44:51.000 And pancreatic cancer got him. 1.00

00:44:53.000 Motherfuckers. 1.00

00:44:54.000 Well, so many really talented artists have smoked cigarettes. 1.00

00:44:58.000 It's weird.

00:44:59.000 It's sad.

00:45:00.000 It's sad in a lot of ways.

00:45:01.000 When I see a cigarette smoker, I don't see a person exercising their freedom.

00:45:06.000 I know that's what they're doing.

00:45:07.000 If they want to smoke, they should be able to smoke, for sure.

00:45:09.000 But that's not what I see.

00:45:10.000 I see a person who's enslaved.

00:45:12.000 Yes!

00:45:13.000 That's what I see.

00:45:13.000 I see enslavement to a habit and also to a drug at the same time.

00:45:18.000 It's just another addiction.

00:45:20.000 It's just another thing to do.

00:45:23.000 But it kills you.

00:45:24.000 It kills a lot of people.

00:45:25.000 And it doesn't get you high.

00:45:26.000 But it's also a weird thing that you would get addicted to taking something, lighting it on fire, and then putting it up to your mouth and then breathing it in.

00:45:33.000 Just the ritual of doing that can become so ingrained in your life that it represents something like after sex.

00:45:40.000 Some people like to smoke a cigarette.

00:45:42.000 Whew.

00:45:43.000 After sex.

00:45:44.000 Right.

00:45:44.000 That's like a classic movie scene, right?

00:45:46.000 Yeah.

00:45:46.000 Where people have sex and then they smoke a cigarette.

00:45:48.000 But if you really...

00:45:50.000 What are you watching there?

00:45:52.000 You're watching someone poisoning themselves.

00:45:54.000 That's a weird thing to find romantic.

00:45:57.000 That's a weird thing they snuck in on us and how it becomes habit.

00:46:00.000 Study finds no link between secondhand smoke and cancer.

00:46:03.000 Funded by the tobacco lobbyists of America.

00:46:06.000 In Florida.

00:46:07.000 It's in Florida.

00:46:08.000 If you have a case that goes through in Florida, it might as well go through on the moon.

00:46:12.000 They're not Americans. 1.00

00:46:14.000 I'm tired of people saying that Florida's America.

00:46:16.000 Just stop.

00:46:17.000 We need to cut it out.

00:46:19.000 My parents live in Florida.

00:46:20.000 Don't get me wrong. 1.00

00:46:21.000 I love Florida, but that shit is not America. 1.00

00:46:23.000 That is some crazy spot where you can't... 1.00

00:46:26.000 Any studies that come out of there, who knows what kind of coke they were on when they made that study?

00:46:31.000 But you can't even trust them to vote, right? 0.99

00:46:33.000 I mean, that's all fucked up. 0.99

00:46:34.000 That's interesting. 0.99

00:46:36.000 Nicotine and e-cigs, tobacco linked to heart disease.

00:46:38.000 Well, nicotine speeds up your heart rate, doesn't it?

00:46:41.000 Yeah.

00:46:42.000 It makes it work harder than it has to.

00:46:43.000 Well, I've heard of nicotine being given as a supplement before, which is really bizarre, or as medicine before.

00:46:50.000 I think it was for a heart issue.

00:46:53.000 It's just like anything else.

00:46:54.000 In small doses, every once in a while ain't that bad. 0.98

00:46:56.000 But a pack a day delivered through fucking cancerous smoke and ain't so hot. 0.97

00:47:01.000 Yeah, well, a lot of stuff is like that, man. 0.99

00:47:03.000 We were talking yesterday with Shane Smith from Vice about that Colombian devil's breath. 1.00

00:47:09.000 It's called scolopamine or something like that.

00:47:11.000 The most dangerous drug, right?

00:47:12.000 Yeah, the most dangerous drug. 1.00

00:47:13.000 It's the same shit that's in those little seasickness tabs that they put on you. 0.99

00:47:19.000 You know those things that you get? 0.99

00:47:20.000 They stick on you, and the seasickness is supposed to be mitigated by this. 1.00

00:47:25.000 That's the same shit as the Colombian devil's breath stuff. 0.99

00:47:27.000 But it's just like way more of it? 1.00

00:47:28.000 It's just like way more?

00:47:29.000 Yeah, that patch is like barely giving you a hit.

00:47:32.000 They're giving you a taste, just a taste.

00:47:33.000 How do you take this dangerous stuff?

00:47:35.000 Do you smoke it?

00:47:35.000 Do you swallow it?

00:47:36.000 Do you shoot it? 0.71

00:47:36.000 What do you do? 0.71

00:47:37.000 I think they can blow it in your face and you just have it in your face and just breathing it in, like having it blown in your mouth and your nose.

00:47:45.000 You got it.

00:47:46.000 You're done.

00:47:46.000 Okay.

00:47:47.000 Okay.

00:47:48.000 And then you become, like, literally like a little zombie.

00:47:51.000 They tell you what to do.

00:47:52.000 They can tell you, go to your bank account, take out money from me, and people do it.

00:47:56.000 And, like, they have video of people doing this.

00:47:58.000 Wow, indeed.

00:47:58.000 Wow!

00:47:59.000 And it's the same fucking thing that you can get from these patches, these dermal patches for... 0.99

00:48:06.000 And then people go, don't be seasick. 0.99

00:48:06.000 Seasickness. 0.99

00:48:08.000 You're not seasick.

00:48:09.000 Concentrate on the horizon.

00:48:11.000 Don't take anything else.

00:48:12.000 Give me $500.

00:48:13.000 Just deal with it. 1.00

00:48:14.000 Just don't take those fucking things. 1.00

00:48:15.000 Don't take Dramamine. 1.00

00:48:17.000 I took Dramamine.

00:48:18.000 Oh my god.

00:48:19.000 I went into a dark, dark coma.

00:48:21.000 What is Dramamine?

00:48:22.000 I don't know Dramamine. 0.99

00:48:23.000 It's for pussies like me that get on a boat and start getting sick. 0.99

00:48:27.000 They give you Dramamine. 1.00

00:48:28.000 Right, right, right.

00:48:30.000 Apparently it alleviates nausea.

00:48:32.000 But for me it was like a tranquilizer dart.

00:48:36.000 It alleviated everything else too, including your sight and your hearing.

00:48:40.000 Seriously, my body was like this.

00:48:41.000 It was me and my buddy Jimmy, and luckily he didn't take the Dramamine, and we were at the diner on the way home, and I was just sitting in front of him nodding out like a heroin addict.

00:48:52.000 He's like, you alright over there?

00:48:53.000 You know, he might have actually taken a Dramamine too.

00:48:56.000 He was a lot bigger than me.

00:48:57.000 Jimmy was like 200 plus pounds, and I was probably, at the time, I was I was probably about 155 pounds and I took this one Dramamine or two Dramanines.

00:49:07.000 I don't know how many they gave me, but I was gone, son.

00:49:09.000 I didn't catch any food.

00:49:11.000 I woke up to pee the next day.

00:49:14.000 Really?

00:49:15.000 Did you enjoy it?

00:49:17.000 No, it was terrible.

00:49:20.000 I took too much, probably.

00:49:21.000 I probably tried to take as much as he was taking. 1.00

00:49:24.000 I'm an asshole. 1.00

00:49:24.000 Right. 1.00

00:49:24.000 I don't know what... 1.00

00:49:26.000 If you take two, I'll take two, too.

00:49:27.000 Right.

00:49:28.000 Guys doing guy stuff.

00:49:30.000 I mean, we were both teenagers.

00:49:30.000 Especially that.

00:49:32.000 Right. 1.00

00:49:33.000 But it fucking knocked my dick right into the dirt, dude. 1.00

00:49:37.000 Is that a prescription drug? 1.00

00:49:38.000 I think so.

00:49:39.000 It might be an over-the-counter.

00:49:41.000 I don't know.

00:49:41.000 I mean, the laws might have changed since this is a long-ass time ago.

00:49:45.000 Who knows?

00:49:46.000 Their formula might have changed, too.

00:49:47.000 Right. 1.00

00:49:48.000 But apparently, I'm too much of a pussy to even take a Dramamine. 1.00

00:49:52.000 I don't fuck with Dramamine. 1.00

00:49:53.000 People take Dramamine all the time. 1.00

00:49:54.000 It doesn't do anything to them.

00:49:55.000 Not me.

00:49:57.000 Literally, we're eating, and I'm sitting here like this.

00:50:01.000 While we're eating, I couldn't even sit straight. 0.97

00:50:04.000 It felt so pathetic. 0.99

00:50:05.000 There's something pathetic when you've fallen asleep and someone asks you, are you falling asleep? 0.99

00:50:09.000 Like, no. 0.99

00:50:10.000 Right.

00:50:10.000 Like, why am I afraid to admit that I'm falling asleep?

00:50:13.000 Sure.

00:50:14.000 Oh, yeah.

00:50:15.000 When people call me, I always like, like, hey, man, what's up?

00:50:17.000 Are you sleeping?

00:50:17.000 I'm sorry.

00:50:18.000 Like, you always lie about that.

00:50:19.000 There's something feminine about sleeping.

00:50:21.000 Yes.

00:50:21.000 It's like, no!

00:50:23.000 I'm a man.

00:50:24.000 I'm a man.

00:50:25.000 I don't sleep.

00:50:25.000 That's exactly what it is.

00:50:27.000 For weak bitch men like ourselves, we don't want to admit that we sleep. 1.00

00:50:32.000 I'm fixing my engine right now. 1.00

00:50:33.000 I'm a man.

00:50:33.000 I'm up at 6 o'clock every morning doing sit-ups.

00:50:37.000 I like to do crunches.

00:50:39.000 I work my obliques.

00:50:40.000 I don't sleep.

00:50:42.000 I don't need much sleep.

00:50:44.000 If a guy's really trying to be intimidating, he says he doesn't need much sleep. 0.98

00:50:47.000 Yeah, go about, you know, four hours sleep a night, and I got shit to do. 0.93

00:50:50.000 I'm good. 0.96

00:50:51.000 Coming over to the house at two o'clock in the afternoon, motherfuckers asleep on the couch with his dick in his hand. 1.00

00:50:51.000 Four hours, I'm good. 1.00

00:50:56.000 Watching Days of Our Lives.

00:50:57.000 With an open laptop nearby, drooling on himself. 1.00

00:51:01.000 Get the fuck up, bitch. 1.00

00:51:03.000 Thought you had shit to do. 1.00

00:51:03.000 You need to sleep. 1.00

00:51:04.000 Everybody needs sleep.

00:51:05.000 How dare you?

00:51:06.000 Sleep is the best.

00:51:07.000 I think you can get by on, like, if you really want to have, like, a low-level mindset.

00:51:13.000 You can get by on, like, four hours sleep for a couple days in a row.

00:51:17.000 But after that, let's be honest.

00:51:18.000 You're not functioning very well.

00:51:20.000 You're imbalanced. 1.00

00:51:21.000 You get four hours sleep a night?

00:51:23.000 Yeah, and you start to have weird thoughts.

00:51:25.000 Your brain doesn't work properly.

00:51:26.000 It needs its rest. 0.89

00:51:27.000 Maybe you, bro, not me.

00:51:28.000 Four hours, I'm good.

00:51:30.000 You know, my REM cycles are just very deep.

00:51:32.000 They go deep right away.

00:51:33.000 I'm confident in myself, so I go to sleep very quickly.

00:51:36.000 I'm not worried about predators.

00:51:37.000 I go out.

00:51:39.000 And I get all my work done.

00:51:41.000 My sleep work.

00:51:42.000 I get it done in four hours.

00:51:44.000 My body is unusual.

00:51:46.000 It's very Wolverine-like.

00:51:47.000 If I get a scratch, people can't believe.

00:51:49.000 The next day, how quick it's healed.

00:51:51.000 It's just me, bro.

00:51:52.000 It's just not normal.

00:51:53.000 Not normal.

00:51:55.000 This is the Jimmy and Joey sketch you're doing.

00:51:56.000 This is the super alpha four hours a day sleep guy.

00:52:01.000 That's my new character.

00:52:02.000 2013, I slept 16 hours. 0.99

00:52:04.000 I don't give a fuck. 0.99

00:52:05.000 You know, I got a lot done. 0.99

00:52:06.000 I have a new web series I'm working on right now.

00:52:09.000 I'm very happy with.

00:52:10.000 Built a shelf.

00:52:11.000 You know, we had to fire the producer. 1.00

00:52:12.000 This fucking asshole doesn't see my vision. 1.00

00:52:15.000 This guy sleeps six hours a day, lazy piece of shit. 1.00

00:52:18.000 He's fucking pussy. 1.00

00:52:19.000 We wrap up at midnight. 1.00

00:52:20.000 I'll see you guys at five.

00:52:21.000 He's like, no, we need to turn around. 0.98

00:52:24.000 Fucking turn around. 0.99

00:52:25.000 I'm here to work. 1.00

00:52:26.000 That's what production people are like.

00:52:27.000 I've heard you rag on that before.

00:52:29.000 It's insanity. 1.00

00:52:30.000 They're savages. 0.99

00:52:31.000 Yeah.

00:52:31.000 They push people to work ungodly hours, and it's like standard in Hollywood.

00:52:37.000 Fourteen hours is like regular.

00:52:38.000 Totally.

00:52:39.000 Especially if you're working on a single camera drama show.

00:52:41.000 Yeah. 0.97

00:52:42.000 Like those, like, CSI shows and the like, those, I don't know, I want to say that one in particular, but a lot of those single camera, like, cop shows, those fucking people are working 16 hours a day, six days a week, and the fucking season is forever.

00:52:54.000 It takes forever to get 27 episodes of a cop show done. 0.84

00:52:57.000 Just so they can be like, I work in the movies!

00:53:01.000 It's crazy.

00:53:02.000 I know.

00:53:02.000 For folks that work on sets, there was a show that I did, this hunting show that I do.

00:53:08.000 When you want to talk about people that work hard, there's a show Meat Eater, and the dude who hosted, his name is Steve Rinella.

00:53:14.000 And he's got these guys that work for him.

00:53:15.000 Specifically, this guy Dan Doty and Moe, who's the director. 0.99

00:53:19.000 And these fucking guys are working 16 hours a day on the top of a mountain somewhere. 1.00

00:53:24.000 Jesus Christ. 1.00

00:53:25.000 Freezing their ass. 1.00

00:53:25.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:53:34.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:53:50.000 What a fucking hard gig, man. 0.99

00:53:54.000 I know, I know. 1.00

00:53:54.000 You know, to be expected to work like that, like, wow, you gotta find some special fucking people that are willing to work like that. 1.00

00:54:01.000 Right. 0.98

00:54:02.000 Camping, we're gonna go, I don't get to stop work, like, there's no stop work, but you're working.

00:54:07.000 Right. 0.99

00:54:07.000 You fucking work while you're there. 0.99

00:54:09.000 When you're not working, you're sleeping, you get up and everybody works again. 1.00

00:54:13.000 No insomnia in production life.

00:54:15.000 No, you're not allowed to.

00:54:16.000 And they knock out the 40-hour work week in about two and a half days.

00:54:19.000 And the Adderall flows like hail.

00:54:22.000 It just falls from the sky.

00:54:25.000 And dude, just pick it up and just stuff it into the mouth.

00:54:27.000 Is there a lot of that?

00:54:28.000 No, I don't know.

00:54:29.000 I'm just guessing.

00:54:30.000 I would say that if you were working on a set of a show that was working crazy hours all the time, you'd probably need at least a strong energy drink habit.

00:54:40.000 Coffee don't cut it at that point.

00:54:42.000 Coffee don't cut it. 0.93

00:54:43.000 Especially if you're not working on something for you.

00:54:46.000 If you're working on the Matt Fultron experience...

00:54:48.000 Kaboom! 0.99

00:54:49.000 I got energy.

00:54:49.000 You know what I'm saying?

00:54:50.000 You have a chart and you're plotting your future takeover.

00:54:53.000 You know what I'm saying?

00:54:54.000 I ain't no half charge.

00:54:56.000 You're figuring out how you're going to set up these one-man shows...

00:55:00.000 Yeah, around the country.

00:55:01.000 ...and keep your comedy in a time capsule and have all these people become the half-chargers. 0.83

00:55:06.000 You're going to be fine.

00:55:08.000 But if you're working on...

00:55:10.000 That 70s show or something like that?

00:55:12.000 Yeah, Housewives of Beverly Hills. 0.98

00:55:14.000 You know, some ridiculous show. 0.99

00:55:18.000 Some show where you don't give a fuck about the outcome. 0.99

00:55:21.000 It's just a job. 0.99

00:55:22.000 And you're there all day.

00:55:23.000 And you're there all day. 1.00

00:55:25.000 And you get to see whiny actors throw hissy fits and throw fucking scripts around. 0.99

00:55:29.000 You get to see the weirdness between the crew and the actors. 1.00

00:55:33.000 Oh, fucking Christ! 1.00

00:55:38.000 Christ! 1.00

00:55:40.000 Oh, shit. 1.00

00:55:41.000 The amount of time invested Put in all that. 1.00

00:55:44.000 I know.

00:55:45.000 It's crazy.

00:55:45.000 Because a regular person has a regular job.

00:55:48.000 Like, you know, you work nine.

00:55:50.000 You've done five.

00:55:51.000 Maybe you have some extra things you have to tie up before you leave the office.

00:55:54.000 You're out of the office by six.

00:55:55.000 Like, that's very...

00:55:57.000 That's a lot of time.

00:55:58.000 And let's be honest.

00:55:59.000 There's some YouTubing in there.

00:56:01.000 Yeah.

00:56:01.000 There's some office gossip in there.

00:56:02.000 Let's be honest. 1.00

00:56:03.000 That's all your fucking employee really deserves. 1.00

00:56:05.000 Right. 1.00

00:56:06.000 Your employer, rather.

00:56:07.000 Your employer doesn't deserve 100% of your time.

00:56:09.000 Your life.

00:56:10.000 You know what?

00:56:10.000 Because it's your life.

00:56:11.000 That shit's ridiculous. 1.00

00:56:13.000 To have a job that sucks you dry for 16 hours a day, it's almost like... 1.00

00:56:20.000 Obviously, I believe that people should have the free will to do whatever the fuck they want if they want to pursue that sort of a life. 0.98

00:56:26.000 But if it's not something you enjoy doing, that's a really dangerous place to put your brain.

00:56:33.000 The fact that, okay, this is what we do.

00:56:35.000 We do stuff that sucks for 16 hours a day where you hate it, and then you get to be free.

00:56:40.000 Some people don't want a life or don't want their own thoughts, though.

00:56:45.000 Is that what it is?

00:56:45.000 Some people like to keep themselves busy.

00:56:47.000 And there's a little bit of that in stand-up comedy.

00:56:49.000 It's like, I don't want to do Valentine's Day.

00:56:51.000 I've got to work that night, honey.

00:56:53.000 Well, see, I understand what it is as far as the production budgets, getting things done.

00:56:58.000 If the days take longer, it takes more time, costs more money.

00:57:02.000 And so in order to fit things under budget or in their budget...

00:57:05.000 They have to work these long hours.

00:57:07.000 That's just what they do.

00:57:08.000 If they don't get a 12 hour turnaround, they have to pay penalties and they pay meal penalties and all these union penalties that they have to pay.

00:57:16.000 But at the end of the day, it's like, why is everybody choosing to work so crazy?

00:57:22.000 I don't know.

00:57:23.000 At the end of the day, I understand you save a little money this way.

00:57:25.000 I get it.

00:57:27.000 Is there another way?

00:57:28.000 There is another way.

00:57:30.000 It's called Shorter Hours.

00:57:31.000 Woody Allen does it.

00:57:32.000 Does he?

00:57:32.000 Television does it a lot of times.

00:57:34.000 Oh, fuck yeah. 1.00

00:57:35.000 Sitcoms do it. 1.00

00:57:36.000 By the time news radio was in its fifth season, we only worked three days a week.

00:57:36.000 Yeah.

00:57:39.000 Nice.

00:57:40.000 Yeah.

00:57:41.000 We had done two days a week.

00:57:42.000 We had done one day where we got the script, and as we were going over the script, we would block and mark words.

00:57:49.000 Where the scenes were going to take place.

00:57:51.000 So we'd rehearse it, go over it, do one run-through, and then film it the next day.

00:57:51.000 Yeah.

00:57:55.000 Did you really enjoy doing that show?

00:57:57.000 I really enjoyed doing that show.

00:57:59.000 But I don't think I would really enjoy doing another show.

00:58:02.000 Gotcha.

00:58:03.000 Unless it was like that.

00:58:04.000 Right.

00:58:05.000 That was a really weird show.

00:58:07.000 Because that show...

00:58:09.000 I don't know how it is on most sitcoms, because the only other one I've done is Just Shoot Me.

00:58:14.000 I did one episode of that.

00:58:15.000 And I did one episode of Mad TV. I didn't really do much other than that.

00:58:21.000 But when I was on news radio, they let us ad-lib almost every scene.

00:58:25.000 That's awesome.

00:58:27.000 Almost every scene, there was something that was changed, something that was altered, something that one of us came up with.

00:58:34.000 On the fly, and most of the time, orchestrated by Dave Foley.

00:58:39.000 Like, Dave Foley would take the script, and then he was sort of...

00:58:43.000 It was an ensemble show, but if anybody was the lead, it was Dave Foley.

00:58:46.000 And it was Phil Hartman, who was the big star.

00:58:49.000 And then Dave Foley was kind of like...

00:58:52.000 I always felt like he was an uncredited producer, really.

00:58:55.000 And he would orchestrate a lot of the scenes and come up with fantastic lines for them, too. 0.98

00:59:00.000 He's a really fucking talented guy. 0.86

00:59:02.000 And all the guys that I think don't get appreciated enough for being fucking unbelievably hilarious, one of them is Dave Foley. 0.98

00:59:10.000 He's just a sweetheart of a guy. 0.66

00:59:13.000 Always has been.

00:59:14.000 Always been the nicest, kindest guy. 0.98

00:59:17.000 And really, really, really fucking smart. 0.96

00:59:20.000 Really fucking smart and really fucking funny. 0.97

00:59:22.000 Just such a cool dude. 0.98

00:59:25.000 Always was.

00:59:27.000 And I think he's doing stand-up now, too.

00:59:31.000 Really?

00:59:31.000 Yeah.

00:59:32.000 That's not his background, right?

00:59:33.000 He's more of an improv guy?

00:59:34.000 Is that right?

00:59:35.000 Well, he was one of the guys from Kids in the Hall.

00:59:37.000 Yeah, I know that much.

00:59:38.000 You watch Kids in the Hall?

00:59:39.000 Yeah, but after the fact.

00:59:40.000 I watched it after reruns.

00:59:43.000 So good.

00:59:44.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:59:44.000 Such fucking good stuff. 0.99

00:59:46.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:59:46.000 So good. 1.00

00:59:48.000 What was that on originally?

00:59:49.000 Canadian television?

00:59:50.000 What was that on?

00:59:51.000 What?

00:59:52.000 Like, Kids in the Hall.

00:59:52.000 Where did it originally air?

00:59:54.000 That's a good question.

00:59:54.000 I think it was Canadian.

00:59:56.000 Yeah.

00:59:56.000 I think it was Canadian TV. Yeah, and then we found out about it in America.

01:00:00.000 And then those guys all came down here.

01:00:03.000 But, um, I don't remember my original point.

01:00:05.000 I just got caught up in nostalgia.

01:00:09.000 Production is insane.

01:00:11.000 When you were asking me, that was what it was.

01:00:13.000 You were asking me whether or not I enjoyed doing it.

01:00:16.000 I said I enjoyed doing it, but the way it was done was so wild and crazy.

01:00:20.000 Almost after every filming, everybody was getting hammered.

01:00:23.000 I had more drunken moment talks with Maura Tierney and Dave Foley than any other humans in my whole life.

01:00:29.000 That's awesome.

01:00:31.000 Especially for me back then, I was such an emotional mess.

01:00:34.000 Really?

01:00:35.000 Yeah, because I was in my late 20s.

01:00:37.000 I had just gotten into stand-up, just gotten done fighting, just gotten into stand-up, and then moved out to LA. I didn't know what the fuck I was doing. 0.85

01:00:44.000 I couldn't even believe I was on TV. Two years ago, I was broke as fuck, barely getting by as a comic. 0.99

01:00:51.000 And then all of a sudden, I'm sitting here with Dave fucking Foley and Phil Hartman, and we're going over the lines of the show we're on. 0.99

01:00:57.000 I'm like, what? 0.97

01:00:57.000 What? 0.97

01:00:58.000 Didn't make any sense to me.

01:01:00.000 Right.

01:01:01.000 And so you had trouble accepting that or it was just like weird?

01:01:03.000 Well, it's just weird.

01:01:04.000 It's so crazy. 0.99

01:01:05.000 And so, you know, we had these wild, drunken fucking parties after the shows were done. 0.99

01:01:12.000 Like they were crazy. 0.99

01:01:12.000 They were very punk rock. 0.99

01:01:13.000 Dave Foley like really embraced some sort of a punk ideology for the whole thing.

01:01:19.000 And the producers, like especially Paul Sims, who's the guy who created it, he wrote it, the head writer.

01:01:26.000 And he would just let the funniest stuff go through.

01:01:30.000 Like, he just wanted it to be the funniest.

01:01:31.000 That's awesome. 0.99

01:01:32.000 So he wrote really funny shit and really creative shit. 0.99

01:01:35.000 And then would let, you know, Phil Hartman ad-lib or Andy Dick ad-lib. 1.00

01:01:38.000 Andy Dick ad-libbed a lot of shit on the show. 0.99

01:01:41.000 Yeah, he would just... 1.00

01:01:43.000 Take something and just run with it.

01:01:45.000 Figure out a better way to do it.

01:01:47.000 Everybody was always tweaking their lines.

01:01:48.000 They were always trying to figure out, is it this?

01:01:52.000 And you're like, oh yeah, that one, that one.

01:01:54.000 We would help each other like that.

01:01:56.000 I don't really know, but I kind of think that's a huge faux pas on a lot of sitcoms.

01:02:01.000 You respect the writers.

01:02:02.000 Is this the flubs?

01:02:04.000 Yeah, a bunch of bloopers. 0.99

01:02:07.000 I gotta take a piss. 0.98

01:02:08.000 Go ahead.

01:02:13.000 This is unbelievable.

01:02:14.000 I can't believe that I don't know this blood.

01:02:21.000 God, he's so great.

01:02:22.000 He was awesome. 0.98

01:02:24.000 Shut up, Andy. 0.93

01:02:25.000 I think it'll be called Free Willy's Billy. 0.99

01:02:31.000 What? 0.98

01:02:34.000 I f***ed it. 0.97

01:02:37.000 Free Billy's Willie. 0.98

01:02:40.000 It's supposed to be Free Billy's Willie.

01:02:44.000 God, I remember that.

01:02:45.000 It's so crazy.

01:02:46.000 I remember that flub.

01:02:48.000 You never heard it before.

01:02:50.000 It was funny.

01:02:50.000 We what?

01:02:52.000 I don't know.

01:02:54.000 That's even worse. 1.00

01:02:56.000 That's f*** for freaks. 1.00

01:02:58.000 Yeah! 0.99

01:03:03.000 It's funny.

01:03:05.000 Fun times, man.

01:03:06.000 Yeah, but what he was talking about was...

01:03:09.000 Or what the question was...

01:03:13.000 Whether I would do something like that again.

01:03:15.000 You'd never find a show like that.

01:03:17.000 They're probably never going to make one like that again.

01:03:19.000 That show went under the radar.

01:03:21.000 While it was on, it was so ignored that it was sort of allowed to be what it became. 0.99

01:03:27.000 They fucked with it a little bit. 0.97

01:03:29.000 I know they brought in a couple of romantic characters and they brought a woman into the office once. 0.99

01:03:34.000 You know Lauren Graham, the woman from the Gilmore Girls?

01:03:36.000 Is that her name?

01:03:37.000 Lauren Graham?

01:03:38.000 I think so.

01:03:39.000 Is that her name?

01:03:40.000 She's so hot. 0.97

01:03:41.000 She's really cool.

01:03:42.000 She was on news radio for a season.

01:03:44.000 Really?

01:03:45.000 Yeah.

01:03:46.000 So was Patrick Warburton, the guy when you go to Soaring Over California, is that it?

01:03:51.000 Yeah, Lauren Graham.

01:03:52.000 Lauren Graham. 0.96

01:03:53.000 She's really fucking funny and really cool. 0.79

01:03:55.000 Like, you know, a lot of actresses, they're like, when you're talking to them, you're talking to your representative.

01:04:02.000 Did you ever try?

01:04:03.000 Yeah.

01:04:03.000 Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

01:04:04.000 We work together.

01:04:06.000 She's very cool, though.

01:04:07.000 Very nice person.

01:04:08.000 She was, like, fun to hang with.

01:04:10.000 Like, she was, like, she could joke around.

01:04:12.000 She was lively.

01:04:14.000 They brought her in. 0.99

01:04:15.000 But other than that, they didn't really fuck with it. 0.98

01:04:18.000 They kind of let Paul do his thing. 0.97

01:04:20.000 And that's why it was so weird.

01:04:22.000 Unless you get a show like that, no.

01:04:24.000 Because once you do a show like that, you realize that's like...

01:04:27.000 I went from a show before that.

01:04:28.000 I did a show on Fox called Hardball.

01:04:31.000 And Hardball was this really bad show about baseball.

01:04:34.000 Was it a baseball?

01:04:35.000 It was terrible. 1.00

01:04:36.000 Fucking terrible. 0.99

01:04:37.000 And there was a mascot that was a big baseball and stuff? 1.00

01:04:39.000 Yeah.

01:04:39.000 And the show was awesome and got destroyed.

01:04:43.000 The guys who wrote it, Jeff Martin and Kevin Curran, I believe...

01:04:43.000 Okay.

01:04:48.000 They were writers from Married with Children.

01:04:51.000 They were writers from The Simpsons.

01:04:52.000 They were really funny guys.

01:04:54.000 They were really good. 0.99

01:04:55.000 And they put together this fucking badass script. 0.99

01:04:59.000 And the pilot was really well written. 0.99

01:05:01.000 It was really good stuff.

01:05:02.000 And then as soon as the show got picked up, these guys were kind of like...

01:05:06.000 They were soft-spoken, really friendly, really nice guys, and just kind of soft-spoken.

01:05:12.000 And the network didn't think that they were strong enough to run a show.

01:05:16.000 Like, they thought you needed to be strong.

01:05:18.000 So they booted these guys out and brought in this super-duper hacker-icious.

01:05:22.000 Dude.

01:05:22.000 I mean, he was a hackasaurus.

01:05:25.000 It was terrible.

01:05:25.000 Right.

01:05:25.000 Like, every terrible cliche in a scene, this guy would insert in there.

01:05:31.000 His writing was just insanely bad.

01:05:33.000 He was from that show Coach.

01:05:35.000 Remember Coach?

01:05:35.000 I remember Coach.

01:05:36.000 Well, he had come from there somehow or another, and he had gotten on this show.

01:05:36.000 Yeah.

01:05:40.000 And I watched the show get destroyed.

01:05:42.000 And so going from that to seeing the news radio way, which is this weird thing where no one ever got famous from the show.

01:05:48.000 The show was always almost going to get canceled and limped into five years.

01:05:54.000 Right.

01:05:54.000 And didn't even get to a hundred episodes.

01:05:56.000 We were two episodes shy.

01:05:57.000 Oh, man.

01:05:58.000 Which is like almost, for the show, like...

01:06:02.000 That's what we are.

01:06:04.000 But because of that, because of no pressure, no stardom, no craziness, not too much network interference, brilliant producer, it became this weird environment where there's all this ad-libbing and all this re-changing of things and very dynamic and really funny stuff that you're proud to tell someone that you worked on.

01:06:23.000 So once you've done that, it's really hard to do a shitty one like the hardball one again.

01:06:28.000 And most likely, that's what you're going to run into.

01:06:31.000 It's hard to do.

01:06:31.000 Yeah.

01:06:32.000 It's fucking silent movies, man. 1.00

01:06:34.000 That's what it is. 1.00

01:06:35.000 Right.

01:06:36.000 You got fake laughs, and there's a scene.

01:06:38.000 It's silent movies.

01:06:39.000 It's hard to keep that art form alive, you know?

01:06:42.000 And so you guys were riffing in front of the audience while the cameras were rolling?

01:06:45.000 Oh, yeah, all the time.

01:06:46.000 We'd riff in front of the cameras.

01:06:46.000 That's so awesome.

01:06:47.000 Dave would oftentimes change a line, like, on the fly, like, come up with something that was funnier, because his background had been live performing.

01:06:56.000 Right.

01:06:56.000 So he knew how to come up with stuff on the fly.

01:07:00.000 Is that Hardball?

01:07:02.000 Oh, God.

01:07:03.000 I remember when this was on.

01:07:04.000 It was only on for like six episodes.

01:07:06.000 I think we did seven, but only six of them ever made it to the air.

01:07:10.000 It just got butchered.

01:07:11.000 But that's what happens a lot of the time, because in the business of TV, what people are trying to do is make a shitload of money.

01:07:18.000 And these producer guys, they want to control everything, and they want to make a shitload of money.

01:07:23.000 And if they are allowed to, if they get into a situation where they do it, you can't be surprised that they do.

01:07:29.000 We're good to go.

01:07:47.000 Yeah, exactly.

01:07:48.000 Too many people you gotta deal with.

01:07:49.000 Too many hoops.

01:07:50.000 I heard Seinfeld talking about how that was one of the only shows where they were like, no...

01:07:55.000 I think it was Larry David was like, no outside influences.

01:07:58.000 And he was always willing to walk before he was even anybody.

01:08:01.000 Before he even had any money in the bank.

01:08:04.000 I don't know how true that is.

01:08:05.000 I bet it's true. 0.98

01:08:08.000 Initially, shows always get fucked with in the beginning. 0.92

01:08:11.000 Unless it's Martin Scorsese and Steven Spielberg team up together for some new miniseries. 0.99

01:08:19.000 I'm pretty sure the network's going to shut the fuck up on that.

01:08:21.000 But until that happens, they have some say. 0.98

01:08:24.000 And they want to throw their own special spice into the Sioux. 0.98

01:08:27.000 I like coriander.

01:08:29.000 Can we put coriander in the Sioux?

01:08:31.000 Yes. 1.00

01:08:31.000 Oh, you fuck with your coriander. 1.00

01:08:32.000 Go ahead, throw it in there. 1.00

01:08:33.000 Okay.

01:08:34.000 You're watching your soup get ruined.

01:08:36.000 It's a business.

01:08:38.000 There's a lot of people involved.

01:08:39.000 It's just like anything else.

01:08:40.000 It's just like the design of a car or the box that the cornflakes come in.

01:08:44.000 A lot of people have their say.

01:08:46.000 A lot of people have opinions.

01:08:47.000 There's a lot of weirdness going on. 0.99

01:08:50.000 You know as well as I do that when you're trying to create something, especially if you're trying to create something funny, the less shit you have coming in, the better. 0.96

01:09:00.000 When it comes to, like, outside of the creative sphere, you know, the less people... 0.78

01:09:06.000 Like, once you get down to a core group of very competent individuals, like writers and artists are sitting together and they're trying to compile the correct way to do something, and they're working on it very hard.

01:09:15.000 If they're a functional group, that should be where that ends.

01:09:18.000 Right.

01:09:19.000 Okay?

01:09:19.000 When producers come in and all of a sudden they have line reads, and they're like, well, why doesn't he just...

01:09:24.000 Like, oh, fucking Christ. 0.99

01:09:26.000 Right. 0.99

01:09:27.000 You know, why did you hire writers, dude?

01:09:29.000 Why don't you just do everything?

01:09:30.000 Right.

01:09:31.000 Why don't you write a script?

01:09:34.000 That happens all the time, too.

01:09:35.000 They'll tell a producer, why don't you write a script?

01:09:37.000 And a lot of producers think they can write scripts.

01:09:39.000 So they'll go and they'll write scripts. 0.99

01:09:40.000 And then those writers will pass it around amongst their friends and fucking giggle at how bad it sucks. 1.00

01:09:46.000 Right. 1.00

01:09:47.000 I had that on a really small level. 0.95

01:09:49.000 When I first started doing stand-up, I got this management group and they're like, we're going to try to base a sitcom around the fucking five minutes that you actually have.

01:09:56.000 And every month, and it wasn't just me, it was a bunch of guys that they managed, every month they would have these shows where they would go to and then they would give us suggestions on how to write sets that would inspire sitcoms.

01:10:09.000 Wow.

01:10:10.000 And I actually got pretty far down the pike with it. 0.72

01:10:13.000 I had Castle Rock and we were pitching and everything.

01:10:15.000 What year was this?

01:10:16.000 This was 2002. 2002. Yeah, wow.

01:10:21.000 They were still doing a lot of sitcoms back then.

01:10:23.000 There was still the development deal game back then.

01:10:26.000 Because that was the first year of Fear Factor.

01:10:28.000 So that was when reality shows were just starting to take off.

01:10:30.000 Survivor was first, and there was a couple of other ones.

01:10:33.000 And then there was, you know, NBC had Fear Factor and a couple of other ones.

01:10:37.000 And then it was just reality shows. 0.99

01:10:40.000 Like John and Kate Plus 8 and all these other motherfuckers just spewed onto the scene. 0.98

01:10:44.000 And then there was like the influx of reality shows over the last decade... 0.99

01:10:47.000 It's pretty crazy.

01:10:49.000 It's unbelievable.

01:10:49.000 In 2002, that wasn't really going on as much.

01:10:51.000 There's a lot of sitcoms.

01:10:52.000 Yeah.

01:10:53.000 And there was that sweet, sweet sitcom money.

01:10:56.000 Oh, sitcom money!

01:10:57.000 In the air from Matt Fultron.

01:10:59.000 Oh, didn't happen.

01:11:01.000 I smell it now.

01:11:03.000 Smell that sweet, sweet sitcom money.

01:11:05.000 Everybody wanted that sweet, sweet sitcom money.

01:11:07.000 I know.

01:11:08.000 It's not even a game anymore in a way.

01:11:09.000 It's not really a game people go for anymore.

01:11:11.000 Is that me?

01:11:12.000 Yeah.

01:11:12.000 Wow.

01:11:13.000 Here we go.

01:11:13.000 That's crazy.

01:11:14.000 Dude, I'm 25 years old in that picture.

01:11:17.000 And I like your little, you got your little beads on.

01:11:19.000 You have one of these things on.

01:11:20.000 No, it was a stainless or a sterling silver bracelet.

01:11:26.000 Where'd you find that picture?

01:11:28.000 Hardball website?

01:11:30.000 Back up and see if Jim Brewer's in there.

01:11:32.000 Jim Brewer was in the pilot.

01:11:33.000 He played the baseball in the pilot.

01:11:35.000 Did he really?

01:11:36.000 No, I'm sorry.

01:11:36.000 The mascot?

01:11:37.000 He played the original mascot that got beat up by the baseball.

01:11:41.000 Right.

01:11:41.000 He played the Pied Piper.

01:11:43.000 Because I think we used to be the Pied Pipers.

01:11:45.000 Then we became the Pirates or something.

01:11:47.000 Right. 0.99

01:11:48.000 Or whatever the fuck we became. 0.98

01:11:50.000 I forget what the name of the actual team was. 0.98

01:11:53.000 But Brewer, the funniest part of the pilot was Brewer. 0.99

01:11:56.000 Brewer dancing around and getting in a fight with his fucking baseball. 0.99

01:12:00.000 Wow. 1.00

01:12:01.000 That's so crazy.

01:12:02.000 That's an evil-looking baseball right there.

01:12:06.000 There's this guy right here.

01:12:08.000 That looks like Garland right there.

01:12:09.000 No, that's Mike Starr.

01:12:11.000 Mike Starr was in The Bodyguard.

01:12:12.000 He was in Goodfellas.

01:12:14.000 He's been in a lot of movies.

01:12:14.000 Right.

01:12:16.000 I guarantee you to recognize him if you saw him.

01:12:20.000 Super cool guy, man.

01:12:22.000 That's the Star Trek dad, right there.

01:12:25.000 Captain Kirk's dad, to the far left.

01:12:29.000 Bruce Greenwood.

01:12:30.000 He was on the show, too.

01:12:32.000 And that's that dude that's on that kid's show.

01:12:35.000 You know that kid's show?

01:12:36.000 Kid's show.

01:12:37.000 One of those really popular kid's shows, he's got a character on it.

01:12:40.000 I catch him on Nickelodeon all the time.

01:12:43.000 And there's Derek Jeter. 0.99

01:12:44.000 That dude to the far right, I forgot his fucking name. 0.99

01:12:48.000 I'm sorry. 0.97

01:12:49.000 He was a cool guy, too, though. 0.98

01:12:51.000 God damn it. 0.98

01:12:52.000 I can't remember his name. 0.99

01:12:53.000 But that was the dude that got hit in the teeth with a pipe in Russia.

01:12:58.000 Did I ever tell you that story?

01:13:00.000 Yeah, a buddy of mine, that guy, was there doing some movie, and he turned a corner, and some guy smashed him in the face with a pipe, knocked him out cold, his teeth were shattered.

01:13:09.000 Ugh.

01:13:10.000 Yeah.

01:13:11.000 He told me matter-of-factly, too. 1.00

01:13:12.000 He's a tough fucking dude. 0.99

01:13:14.000 So how was Russia? 0.99

01:13:15.000 He goes, well, you see these teeth?

01:13:17.000 Yeah.

01:13:18.000 I got them because I was in Russia.

01:13:20.000 And I go, what happened? 0.99

01:13:21.000 He goes, man, turned a corner, and some dude smashed me in the fucking jaw with a pipe, broke my teeth out. 0.99

01:13:27.000 That was it. 0.99

01:13:28.000 No complaining and whining.

01:13:32.000 I was traumatized!

01:13:33.000 I didn't do anything wrong, man.

01:13:35.000 Now everywhere I go, I worry someone's going to hit me. 0.99

01:13:37.000 He barely gave a fuck that this guy hit him in the face with a pipe and knocked two of his teeth out. 0.99

01:13:42.000 He's just happy his teeth look better now. 1.00

01:13:44.000 I'm telling you, this dude barely gave a fuck. 0.99

01:13:46.000 He was a tough dude. 0.97

01:13:48.000 I don't know what he ever went on to do, but I do know it was a really strange thing I saw.

01:13:52.000 He got something.

01:13:54.000 Some sort of a...

01:13:56.000 A new show or something like that.

01:13:58.000 He got a part in something that he was really excited about.

01:14:02.000 And his girlfriend at the time, who was also an actress, started openly crying when he received the good news.

01:14:11.000 And she kept saying, like, when is something going to happen for me?

01:14:16.000 When is something going to happen for me?

01:14:18.000 And she's crying.

01:14:19.000 Man.

01:14:20.000 And I was like, wow, this poor...

01:14:22.000 I felt bad for her.

01:14:23.000 That her brain works that way?

01:14:25.000 I was like, this poor kid. 0.98

01:14:26.000 Like, look at this crazy brain pattern she's on. 1.00

01:14:29.000 Right. 0.97

01:14:29.000 Weird, self-absorbed brain pattern. 0.97

01:14:33.000 But that's the Hollywood way, man.

01:14:35.000 That's definitely the acting way.

01:14:36.000 I mean, Christ.

01:14:37.000 It's a lot of it.

01:14:38.000 It's a lot of lottery playing.

01:14:40.000 Yeah, I mean, a lot of them aren't that.

01:14:41.000 The problem is, even the best are not that much better than some guy that's doing community theater in Oakland.

01:14:47.000 Right.

01:14:48.000 You know? 1.00

01:14:49.000 He's probably some bad motherfucker that can't keep his shit together. 1.00

01:14:52.000 Right. 1.00

01:14:53.000 Smokes a little bit too much, drinks a little bit too much. 1.00

01:14:56.000 But when he gets his shit together and gets a hold of a script, he could probably fuck it up. 1.00

01:15:00.000 Right. 1.00

01:15:01.000 But he's just never gotten the right acting fucking agent. 0.99

01:15:04.000 Sure. 0.99

01:15:05.000 Agency or parts.

01:15:07.000 The part always goes to Colin Farrell when he gets close. 1.00

01:15:10.000 Fuck it. 0.99

01:15:11.000 But the difference between a guy who's really good and the difference between a guy who's really famous, as far as what's valuable in a lot of ways, is how much better is the good guy than the famous guy? 1.00

01:15:11.000 Right. 1.00

01:15:22.000 Because you've got to be a lot better.

01:15:23.000 Because if you're not a lot better, I'm going to go with the famous guy. 0.99

01:15:26.000 Because people go to see a goddamn Tom Cruise movie. 0.99

01:15:28.000 Right. 1.00

01:15:29.000 So they...

01:15:30.000 They have a hard road.

01:15:31.000 Absolutely.

01:15:33.000 Joe, did you see this picture?

01:15:35.000 It's like all the guys sitting here, and then you're like... 1.00

01:15:38.000 Yeah, I had a fucking baseball bat with my cock out. 1.00

01:15:43.000 That woman is Rose Marie. 1.00

01:15:45.000 She's from, I think it was the Dick Van Dyke show or something like that.

01:15:48.000 Wow.

01:15:50.000 I think it was the Dick Van Dyke show, but I remember I was embarrassed that I didn't know.

01:15:56.000 Um...

01:15:57.000 Yeah, I think.

01:15:58.000 I've never seen the Dick Van Dyke show.

01:16:00.000 It's weird.

01:16:00.000 I've never seen the Mary Tyler Moore show.

01:16:02.000 It's weird.

01:16:03.000 Well, that's not as weird.

01:16:04.000 The Dick Van Dyke show is weird because Mary Tyler Moore is really young there.

01:16:07.000 Yeah.

01:16:08.000 Yeah, she was on the Dick Van Dyke show.

01:16:10.000 I'd never watched it, so when everybody's like, that's Rosemarie.

01:16:13.000 People on the set were like, that's Rosemarie.

01:16:14.000 And I'm like, oh. 0.98

01:16:16.000 What the fuck does that mean? 0.88

01:16:18.000 This is before Wikipedia, folks. 0.97

01:16:19.000 Yeah, no one knew anything back then. 1.00

01:16:22.000 God damn, we were stupid. 1.00

01:16:24.000 In 1993, human beings were monkeys. 1.00

01:16:26.000 Yeah.

01:16:27.000 We were monkeys with a railroad system and a language and cars.

01:16:31.000 What are you going to do?

01:16:32.000 Go to the encyclopedia and look it up? 0.95

01:16:34.000 Yeah, we're so much fucking smarter now.

01:16:36.000 But it was interesting because after I'd met her, she was getting on in age. 0.81

01:16:43.000 And she's still alive.

01:16:45.000 She's born in 1926. So to be able to look back and see her after I met her, then I watched the Dick Van Dyke show, and I got to look back and see her on what was like, for a lot of people that were alive at the time, that was an iconic program.

01:17:00.000 And so I was like, oh, now I know why these older people that were on the set were like freaked out that she was on the show.

01:17:06.000 Well, it's because, like, Jesus Christ, it'd be weird to be on television if you were born and lived before television was even invented. 0.99

01:17:14.000 Fuck yeah. 0.97

01:17:15.000 I mean, I know you looked it up before and it was invented way back before it was common. 0.99

01:17:18.000 Right.

01:17:18.000 But still, it wasn't common until the 50s.

01:17:21.000 Yeah, and people, they barely had enough money to buy one of those gigantic furniture things you would roll into your living room and occupy a good solid 10 square feet of space.

01:17:31.000 Right.

01:17:32.000 Brian, see if you could find the Dick Van Dyke show, like a highlight or a clip of the Dick Van Dyke show on YouTube.

01:17:41.000 She was a very nice lady though.

01:17:43.000 She was very funny too.

01:17:44.000 She still is, I'm sure.

01:17:45.000 She's still alive.

01:17:48.000 But, like I said, man, it ain't easy for everybody. 1.00

01:17:52.000 Shit. 0.99

01:17:52.000 There's a lot of people that don't get a shot. 0.99

01:17:54.000 The thing about acting that's kind of most fucked is, A, how many people out there would be awesome at it if they applied themselves?

01:18:02.000 There's a lot of friends that we have that don't act at all, but if they really decided to be badass actors, they would be incredible at it. 0.87

01:18:08.000 Right.

01:18:08.000 And I think there's a lot of people that work a lot of regular jobs.

01:18:11.000 If they decided to apply themselves to it, they could be awesome at actors.

01:18:15.000 Yeah.

01:18:15.000 But the thing is, like...

01:18:19.000 Getting discovered? 0.99

01:18:22.000 The sheer numbers of fucking people that are coming here? 0.99

01:18:26.000 What do you think if a role comes out for a movie? 1.00

01:18:29.000 Let's just say the full charge writes a movie.

01:18:32.000 For you, I feel action, sort of hand-to-hand combat specialist.

01:18:37.000 Sure, let's go with that.

01:18:38.000 Matt Fultron, they fly into Pakistan. 1.00

01:18:42.000 To fucking rectify some shit. 1.00

01:18:44.000 To some people that are just, they can't, they don't know how to make a deal, work smoothly, and sometimes you gotta knock little heads. 1.00

01:18:44.000 Right, right. 1.00

01:18:50.000 And you gotta be able to do both.

01:18:50.000 Right.

01:18:51.000 And that's what the full charge is here for.

01:18:53.000 I'm like Seagal.

01:18:54.000 It's like the movie tells you what I am.

01:18:55.000 Matt Fulseron is the full charge. 0.98

01:18:58.000 And I just knock out terrorists, and I fucking save the world constantly.

01:19:02.000 I see that being on Spike TV in the fall of 2016, if we play our cards correctly. 0.97

01:19:07.000 We gave them a little taste by talking about it here on the podcast.

01:19:11.000 Let the pitch meetings begin.

01:19:13.000 Let's watch this for a second. 0.99

01:19:17.000 Goddamn Mary Tyler Moore was hotter than her son. 1.00

01:19:20.000 Rosemary. 0.99

01:19:21.000 There's Rosemary.

01:19:22.000 Wow.

01:19:23.000 Larry Matthews and Mary Tyler Moore.

01:19:26.000 Look at this craziness.

01:19:29.000 Death of the party.

01:19:31.000 Just the way people pretended that people were back then is so weird.

01:19:39.000 Sleep in the same bed, at least.

01:19:41.000 Look at this.

01:19:41.000 Yeah.

01:19:42.000 It's pretty sexy.

01:19:44.000 Yeah, that is pretty sexy.

01:19:45.000 No, they don't, man.

01:19:46.000 Look at the separation between the two beds.

01:19:48.000 Oh, right.

01:19:49.000 Oh, my God.

01:19:50.000 I'm so sad now.

01:19:51.000 She's so hot, and she's right there, and he has to sleep in the next bed. 1.00

01:19:55.000 That is bullshit. 0.99

01:19:56.000 I bet doing it from behind was a lot more popular back then, because you had that extra gap, so you always probably just leaned her over the bed. 1.00

01:20:03.000 I don't think people really live like that, dude.

01:20:06.000 No, they didn't.

01:20:07.000 It was TV rules.

01:20:07.000 I think that was just TV rules.

01:20:09.000 TV rules, they would never... 0.99

01:20:11.000 Because if you have people sleep in the same bed together, you're implying that they're fucking. 0.82

01:20:16.000 You don't want to imply that. 0.97

01:20:16.000 Right. 0.97

01:20:17.000 This is wholesome.

01:20:18.000 Dick Van Dyke, his father knows best.

01:20:20.000 Just wants to play golf.

01:20:20.000 Yeah.

01:20:21.000 Yeah, he's just trying to sneak out and play some golf.

01:20:21.000 That's it.

01:20:24.000 He ain't trying to fuck his wife. 1.00

01:20:25.000 What he's doing right now is running from the prison warden, who tells him that he can't do what he wants to do with his life. 1.00

01:20:32.000 God, she's so hot, though. 1.00

01:20:33.000 The cute, cute prison warden.

01:20:34.000 Look, she wakes up with her hair perfect.

01:20:37.000 Amazing.

01:20:38.000 She's got full war paint on, and her hair is perfect.

01:20:42.000 Look at that.

01:20:44.000 This is so weird, man, because this is like a time capsule.

01:20:51.000 That was a curse word back then. 0.99

01:20:53.000 This shit hadn't been done before. 1.00

01:20:55.000 We're watching some shit that like... 1.00

01:20:57.000 What happened? 0.99

01:20:59.000 She took out the spark plugs.

01:21:01.000 I was so proud.

01:21:02.000 I dressed, I shaved, and I packed, and got out without waking you up.

01:21:08.000 And you were so proud you had to come back and tell me.

01:21:13.000 Honey, I forgot my keys and my money.

01:21:17.000 I'm sorry.

01:21:23.000 Look what she wears to bed. 1.00

01:21:34.000 So weird.

01:21:41.000 This would be a weird sort of a piece if someone decided to recreate this show with the exact sort of inflection.

01:21:49.000 Right.

01:21:51.000 It's not, I'm inconsiderate.

01:21:53.000 I mean, if I'm anything.

01:21:54.000 But the only inconsiderability I'm guilty of is talking to you right now while there are three guys waiting for me to tee off.

01:22:01.000 Darling, go tee off. 1.00

01:22:03.000 Ha ha! 0.86

01:22:05.000 Do you get it?

01:22:05.000 You get that one?

01:22:06.000 Do you get that?

01:22:06.000 Yeah!

01:22:07.000 Can you imagine that at one point in time that was cutting edge?

01:22:07.000 That's strong.

01:22:11.000 That was, I was like saying go fuck off. 1.00

01:22:13.000 Yeah, it's really weird watching old shit like that. 1.00

01:22:16.000 Did you see, I was listening to Opie and Anthony, and they were talking about the house from the future that they used to have, where it's like, in the future, we're going to have, and they were showing how much similarities of what they guessed the house of the future was. 0.98

01:22:31.000 What show was it on that they had it?

01:22:34.000 Back in the day, it used to be at Epcot, or it used to be at Disneyland.

01:22:38.000 It used to be this building you walked in, and it was like, in the future, this is what it tells you.

01:22:42.000 Oh, so it was a ride?

01:22:44.000 Yeah, kind of.

01:22:44.000 It's like a standing ride, if I remember.

01:22:46.000 They have their video online, but they guessed things like, you know, microwaves.

01:22:46.000 I'll show you.

01:22:51.000 They guessed microwaves?

01:22:53.000 Online shopping, they guessed.

01:22:54.000 Really?

01:22:55.000 Yeah, here, I'll find it.

01:22:55.000 No way, pull that up.

01:22:56.000 That's fascinating.

01:22:58.000 So is there anything in there that we don't have, Brian?

01:22:58.000 Wow.

01:23:02.000 Yeah, there was a lot of stuff.

01:23:02.000 Brian?

01:23:04.000 I see the wheels spinning.

01:23:06.000 I see the wheels spinning, young Mr. Adventor.

01:23:09.000 I can't think of anything.

01:23:11.000 Full charge Enterprises. 0.96

01:23:12.000 What I'm going to do is I'm going to go, I'm going to watch old shit with the predicted future, find out what happened and what didn't, and then pick up the pieces. 0.98

01:23:22.000 Is there a mailbox that blows you? 0.99

01:23:26.000 I knew it!

01:23:28.000 That's what we're doing!

01:23:31.000 Gail, cancel all my appointments! 0.99

01:23:33.000 Yeah, here's some photos from what it used to be.

01:23:37.000 Oh, wow.

01:23:38.000 And so when was this created?

01:23:39.000 What year?

01:23:40.000 I believe it was the 19...

01:23:42.000 Where did I find it?

01:23:45.000 1957 to 1967. And it was called, believe it or not, the Monsanto House of the Future.

01:23:54.000 Monsanto, you fucking rast of devils. 1.00

01:23:59.000 That's hilarious. 1.00

01:24:01.000 House of...

01:24:02.000 Yeah.

01:24:03.000 But I remember going to it.

01:24:05.000 I think it was at Epcot when I went to it.

01:24:07.000 Wow.

01:24:08.000 And I'll find a video of it.

01:24:09.000 The video is actually...

01:24:10.000 There's a house that was...

01:24:12.000 I wonder if it's still up.

01:24:13.000 There's a house in the Hollywood Hills somewhere that I saw.

01:24:16.000 Not in person ever, but I've seen it in photos.

01:24:18.000 That looks like a UFO. Uh-huh.

01:24:20.000 Have you ever seen that?

01:24:21.000 No, I've never seen that, no.

01:24:22.000 I'm going to find it on Google.

01:24:23.000 The Flying Saucer House.

01:24:25.000 Jamie, see if you can find it, Brian.

01:24:29.000 Flying Saucer House...

01:24:32.000 I think it's in Hollywood.

01:24:36.000 But it's so wicked. 0.99

01:24:37.000 It's a house, though, that once you lived in it for a little while, you'd be like, alright, this is ridiculous. 0.99

01:24:42.000 Look at it. 0.97

01:24:43.000 How dope is that?

01:24:44.000 Right.

01:24:45.000 The encounter at LAX, that restaurant?

01:24:47.000 Yeah.

01:24:47.000 Looks a lot like that.

01:24:48.000 It's sort of like that, yeah. 1.00

01:24:49.000 But this is someone's fucking house, man. 1.00

01:24:51.000 Yeah, no kidding. 1.00

01:24:52.000 Someone's chilling in that house.

01:24:53.000 Okay, I take it back.

01:24:54.000 That's uber dope. 1.00

01:24:55.000 I would love to live in that.

01:24:57.000 It's like living in the Space Needle or something.

01:24:58.000 Look at this photo, dude.

01:24:59.000 Look at this photo.

01:25:00.000 Wow.

01:25:01.000 Wow.

01:25:01.000 See if you can pull that one up so that you stream people can see it.

01:25:04.000 This fucking house is radical. 0.99

01:25:06.000 You might even survive an earthquake or an avalanche or something in that. 1.00

01:25:09.000 Plus, you would be worshipped by Star Trek and Star Wars geeks.

01:25:14.000 And where is this at?

01:25:14.000 Hollywood Hills?

01:25:15.000 Yeah, somewhere in Hollywood.

01:25:19.000 John Lautner.

01:25:20.000 By John Lautner.

01:25:22.000 He's the guy who created it.

01:25:23.000 I wonder when this was built.

01:25:25.000 Oh, okay.

01:25:26.000 It was constructed back in 1960, but it was recently renovated. 1.00

01:25:31.000 God, that's fucking wicked. 0.99

01:25:31.000 Huh. 0.99

01:25:33.000 The house is incredible.

01:25:36.000 They're so cocky, though.

01:25:38.000 Look what people do in California. 0.99

01:25:39.000 They take a hill in a place where the ground moves all the fucking time, and they just stick a big spike right down the middle and put a circle on it. 0.99

01:25:50.000 This'll stay here. 0.98

01:25:51.000 I can't believe no one lives in the Death Star or whatever.

01:25:53.000 No one's recreated that to live in. 0.97

01:25:55.000 You just put out a fucking awesome message and someone's gonna run with that. 0.85

01:26:00.000 Make sure you finish it, guys. 0.98

01:26:01.000 You don't want to leave any weak spots.

01:26:03.000 Now, should they make it full size, full charge?

01:26:05.000 Well, they would have to to satisfy me.

01:26:07.000 So they're starting in space?

01:26:08.000 What are we doing?

01:26:09.000 I don't know.

01:26:09.000 That's for the nerds to figure out.

01:26:13.000 Get on it, boys! 0.74

01:26:14.000 Seriously, though, if you're a single guy, full charge, and I know you are, and you're looking to be sly, and you're looking to really impress a gal with where you're living...

01:26:22.000 Two dozen roses? 0.99

01:26:23.000 Two dozen roses at the fucking... 1.00

01:26:25.000 the UFO house. 1.00

01:26:28.000 You bring her up to the UFO house, this chick thinks you're ballin'. 1.00

01:26:31.000 I want you to look at a view, my friend. 1.00

01:26:33.000 Look at the fucking view from this place. 1.00

01:26:35.000 Sweat that shit. 1.00

01:26:37.000 That's so awesome. 1.00

01:26:38.000 Come on.

01:26:39.000 That's so awesome.

01:26:40.000 That view of Los Angeles at night is a really crazy view.

01:26:42.000 Have you ever seen that view, Brian?

01:26:43.000 You ever been on top of Doheny?

01:26:45.000 Yeah, I would go up and down. 1.00

01:26:46.000 Look at that shit. 1.00

01:26:47.000 It never disappoints, man. 1.00

01:26:48.000 Dude, look at that fucking view. 1.00

01:26:49.000 That's insane. 1.00

01:26:51.000 That is an incredible picture.

01:26:53.000 This house is so weird because it's just surrounded by glass because of his UFO theme.

01:26:59.000 Yeah.

01:27:00.000 It's kind of amazing that there's not more of these, like, really weird, freaky houses in Hollywood. 0.98

01:27:06.000 You would think there would be a lot of, like, weird, unusual shit. 0.99

01:27:09.000 Right. 0.99

01:27:09.000 I guess by the time you can afford a house, you've kind of, like, got rid of all those crazy ideas about living in a fucking UFO. Yeah, I think so. 0.99

01:27:18.000 And, like, if you do come up with a crazy plan for it, if you're an architect, then you've got to find somebody who's crazy enough to do it.

01:27:25.000 You also have to find, like, the Homeowners Association has to agree with it.

01:27:28.000 Oh, yeah.

01:27:29.000 That's a big deal in California, right?

01:27:31.000 They say no to a lot of stuff, don't they?

01:27:33.000 It's a big deal everywhere.

01:27:34.000 I was reading about this woman who's getting in trouble because she was in Florida, Miami. 1.00

01:27:39.000 She's growing vegetables in her front lawn because that's the only part of her house that gets hit by sun.

01:27:44.000 So she's growing her vegetables there. 1.00

01:27:46.000 She's been doing it for like 17 years and they're trying to get her to stop.

01:27:50.000 Like the city is coming in and telling a lady to stop growing healthy food on her property. 1.00

01:27:54.000 It's fucking vegetables, dude. 1.00

01:27:55.000 Let her have the vegetables. 1.00

01:27:57.000 Like someone's going to walk by, they're going to be offended if they see a tomato plant.

01:28:00.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:28:00.000 Like, what the fuck kind of craziness is that? 0.99

01:28:02.000 Why are you telling people they can't have food up? 0.99

01:28:05.000 Could she grow anything else?

01:28:06.000 Yes, she can.

01:28:07.000 She's allowed to grow flowers. 1.00

01:28:08.000 She can grow fucking pine trees. 1.00

01:28:10.000 Probably marijuana. 1.00

01:28:11.000 She can grow anything she wants. 1.00

01:28:12.000 Can't grow marijuana full charge. 1.00

01:28:14.000 That shit's illegal, dude. 1.00

01:28:15.000 Oh. 1.00

01:28:15.000 That shit is illegal, especially down in that country known as Florida. 1.00

01:28:19.000 Oh, oh, oh, Florida. 1.00

01:28:20.000 Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:28:21.000 It's not America or California.

01:28:23.000 Right.

01:28:23.000 This guy made his whole house a Star Trek house.

01:28:26.000 Wow.

01:28:26.000 And his whole entire house is just, like, the ship.

01:28:29.000 Do you hear that?

01:28:29.000 That's the sound of a million panties getting wet.

01:28:32.000 That's fucking dope. 1.00

01:28:34.000 Look at this guy's house. 1.00

01:28:35.000 Look at his fucking, even his fireplace. 1.00

01:28:38.000 He did up his fireplace. 1.00

01:28:40.000 You ever seen that documentary, Trekkies?

01:28:42.000 Yes.

01:28:43.000 Long time ago.

01:28:44.000 People just dedicating their lives.

01:28:46.000 Yeah, there's a lot of people that just get obsessed with anything.

01:28:49.000 Whether it's World of Warcraft, being a Trekkie, being a furry.

01:28:52.000 Chemtrails.

01:28:53.000 Chemtrails.

01:28:54.000 Anything.

01:28:54.000 Did you ever see that old Saturday Night Live sketch where William Shatner's at a Trekkie convention?

01:28:59.000 Oh, no, I didn't.

01:29:00.000 And he just tells off all the Trekkies.

01:29:02.000 I heard about it.

01:29:02.000 And he points to John Leavis.

01:29:03.000 He's like, you, you're 30. You ever kissed a girl?

01:29:07.000 He's like, you took something fun I did in the 60s and turned it into a colossal waste of time!

01:29:12.000 How rude.

01:29:13.000 Yeah.

01:29:13.000 I wonder how the Trekkies felt about that.

01:29:15.000 I don't know.

01:29:16.000 It was one of the first Trekkie things on TV. So they probably appreciated that they were being recognized.

01:29:23.000 Yeah.

01:29:23.000 Yeah, it's kind of interesting what shows take off with that.

01:29:26.000 It's not like Star Trek went on forever.

01:29:28.000 It went on for a few years.

01:29:30.000 I think it was five?

01:29:31.000 Was it five years?

01:29:32.000 I don't think it was that many.

01:29:33.000 I think it was more like three.

01:29:34.000 Let's see. 0.99

01:29:34.000 Star Trek was a great fucking show, I'll tell you that. 0.99

01:29:38.000 But it's amazing that... 0.99

01:29:39.000 Okay, here's another perfect example. 0.99

01:29:42.000 The fucking Rocky Horror Midnight Show, whatever it is. 1.00

01:29:46.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:29:46.000 When they do the Rocky Horror Picture Show, the midnight ones, and they have these people get up and they sing along to the music. 0.99

01:29:52.000 Throw rice.

01:29:53.000 They throw rice.

01:29:54.000 They wear the clothes that everybody's wearing in the musical.

01:29:58.000 They still do it at the New Art, like once a month, once a week.

01:30:01.000 How does that one take off?

01:30:02.000 Like, why that?

01:30:03.000 What is it about the Rocky Horror Picture Show that makes everyone want to get together and watch it over and over and over and over and over and over again?

01:30:11.000 Have these midnight screenings and everybody loves it and they dress up and it's a community.

01:30:15.000 Yeah. 0.98

01:30:16.000 But it forms over this one fucking weird movie. 0.99

01:30:19.000 It's all such a fucking perfect storm of events. 0.98

01:30:21.000 It comes out at the right time, right when people notice it. 0.97

01:30:25.000 Let's do the time! 0.97

01:30:27.000 It doesn't hurt that the movie is fucking badass. 0.97

01:30:29.000 For a one-time viewing, it is a badass movie. 0.98

01:30:33.000 It's very good.

01:30:34.000 Rocky Horror Picture Show is a very good movie.

01:30:35.000 I love that movie, especially at the time.

01:30:38.000 I don't know how it holds up today. 0.99

01:30:40.000 It might be a little absurd, knowing all the Rocky Horror Picture Show shit behind it. 0.97

01:30:44.000 That's one thing I'm very aware of, but don't know anything about. 0.92

01:30:47.000 So I've never seen it, and I don't...

01:30:49.000 Did you see it?

01:30:49.000 Yeah.

01:30:50.000 It's also a time capsule.

01:30:51.000 I should probably see it again, too, before I recommend it.

01:30:54.000 I watched the Alter States movie, the William Hurt movie about isolation tanks.

01:31:00.000 I watched it, and I thought it was the most amazing movie ever.

01:31:03.000 It got me into isolation tanks, got me researching them, eventually got me to own one.

01:31:07.000 So it was like a pivotal moment in my life, seeing that movie.

01:31:10.000 I remember it being very good.

01:31:12.000 I watched it recently. 1.00

01:31:13.000 It's fucking terrible, dog. 1.00

01:31:16.000 The shit is terrible. 1.00

01:31:17.000 I barely got through it. 1.00

01:31:19.000 Not only that, I tried to talk Mrs. Rogan into watching it with me. 1.00

01:31:22.000 She's watching this shit with me for five minutes. 1.00

01:31:24.000 She's like, what the fuck are you watching? 1.00

01:31:27.000 It was so bad, man. 1.00

01:31:29.000 It's missing so much that makes a movie good.

01:31:32.000 And then you don't get to pick the movie again for another three or four choices.

01:31:35.000 Dude, you know how it is.

01:31:36.000 I know how it is.

01:31:38.000 You know what I'm talking about, full charge.

01:31:41.000 Trust me, I know.

01:31:42.000 I know you do. 0.98

01:31:44.000 Yeah, it's weird how movies don't fucking hold up. 0.90

01:31:47.000 A lot of them don't, but a lot of them do. 0.92

01:31:50.000 It's so strange.

01:31:51.000 Like, watch The Godfather.

01:31:52.000 It's perfect. 0.99

01:31:53.000 It's a goddamn perfect gem. 0.98

01:31:56.000 There's nothing wrong with it. 0.99

01:31:57.000 Everything's great about it.

01:31:59.000 I can't imagine Goodfellas ever being bad.

01:32:01.000 It's impossible.

01:32:02.000 It's a perfect movie.

01:32:04.000 There's movies that are just so good.

01:32:06.000 It doesn't matter if someone else achieves great heights as well.

01:32:10.000 That movie's still going to stand no matter what era it's shown in.

01:32:14.000 Especially in consideration between what technology was available to shoot a movie like that then as what's available today.

01:32:21.000 You know it's good when not even Martin Scorsese can top it.

01:32:24.000 He's the one that did it.

01:32:24.000 Right.

01:32:25.000 There you go.

01:32:26.000 One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest holds up. 1.00

01:32:29.000 Fuck yeah, it does. 0.99

01:32:29.000 I just watched that the other day again. 0.99

01:32:30.000 That's so amazing. 1.00

01:32:31.000 Fuck yeah, it does. 1.00

01:32:31.000 That's a timeless theme right there. 1.00

01:32:34.000 Nicholson was a bad motherfucker when he was young. 0.99

01:32:37.000 You know, people remember Nicholson sitting in front court at the Lakers game when he pretended to be a wolf. 1.00

01:32:42.000 They remember some stupid shit about Nicholson. 1.00

01:32:44.000 But go back to Chinatown. 1.00

01:32:46.000 Watch Nicholson in Chinatown. 1.00

01:32:47.000 He was a bad motherfucker. 1.00

01:32:51.000 Dude, Chinatown is another one. 1.00

01:32:52.000 Chinatown holds up.

01:32:53.000 He was so bad.

01:32:54.000 He was so good in Chinatown.

01:32:55.000 We talked about it last time I was here.

01:32:57.000 Did we really?

01:32:58.000 All signs point to Chinatown.

01:33:00.000 Did we really?

01:33:00.000 I swear to Christ.

01:33:01.000 You're right.

01:33:02.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:33:03.000 How did we get to Nicholson and Chinatown in two separate episodes? 0.99

01:33:06.000 This shit isn't crazy! 1.00

01:33:06.000 Oh my God! 1.00

01:33:07.000 It's a conspiracy!

01:33:08.000 It's crazy, full charge.

01:33:09.000 I don't even know how it happened.

01:33:11.000 Nicholson was the original full charge, man. 0.98

01:33:14.000 He did a lot of fucking great movies too, man. 0.97

01:33:17.000 And you know, he's still got it. 0.97

01:33:18.000 Like that movie, The Departed, he was still great in that.

01:33:20.000 He's still great.

01:33:20.000 Oh, dude.

01:33:22.000 And he has moved seamlessly from young hot guy to old creepy guy.

01:33:29.000 Like, there was a show recently.

01:33:29.000 Seamlessly.

01:33:32.000 You know that Fast and Loud?

01:33:33.000 You know that show?

01:33:34.000 I don't think I do, no.

01:33:35.000 Fast and Loud is those guys in Dallas.

01:33:38.000 They have cars and it's called Gas Monkey Garage.

01:33:42.000 Okay.

01:33:42.000 And they take cars, they buy them, they fix them up and they resell them.

01:33:45.000 Sell them at auction, sell them to collectors.

01:33:48.000 It's a funny show.

01:33:49.000 I enjoy it.

01:33:49.000 Right.

01:33:52.000 Fuck, what was my point? 1.00

01:33:54.000 Nicholson! 1.00

01:33:56.000 Goddamn. 1.00

01:33:56.000 Fuck. 1.00

01:33:56.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:33:57.000 Okay, I'm sorry.

01:33:57.000 Oh, that's what it is.

01:33:58.000 I got distracted because it's a really good show.

01:34:00.000 Right.

01:34:00.000 They did an episode with Burt Reynolds.

01:34:02.000 That's where I got distracted.

01:34:03.000 They were redoing a Trans Am, and the Trans Am was the Burt Reynolds Firebird from Smokey and the Bandit.

01:34:03.000 Okay.

01:34:09.000 Famous car.

01:34:10.000 Perfect car for when you're in high school. 1.00

01:34:13.000 During those days when Smokey and the Bandit was on, that was the fucking car. 1.00

01:34:16.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:34:17.000 Oh my god, it's a Firebird Trans Am. 0.99

01:34:20.000 With the flames on the hood and shit. 0.99

01:34:22.000 It was an amazing car for several years because of Burt Reynolds. 1.00

01:34:25.000 But dude, Burt Reynolds is fucked. 1.00

01:34:28.000 He's hunched over. 1.00

01:34:30.000 They had him in their signing.

01:34:31.000 He's hunched over.

01:34:33.000 Great hair.

01:34:34.000 Incredible hair. 0.96

01:34:35.000 It's ridiculous. 0.82

01:34:36.000 His face has been operated on way too many times. 0.97

01:34:39.000 It's strange.

01:34:40.000 And he's got sunglasses on.

01:34:42.000 And you remember him from Deliverance.

01:34:44.000 This virile, strong...

01:34:47.000 Like, dangerous-looking dude who had just gotten done playing football, essentially.

01:34:51.000 Right.

01:34:51.000 You know, he'd played football in college in Florida and went from there into the movies.

01:34:54.000 He was a bad motherfucker. 0.99

01:34:56.000 But you look, he couldn't make that transition. 1.00

01:34:59.000 He couldn't become the old guy.

01:34:59.000 No.

01:35:00.000 The spread.

01:35:01.000 Couldn't make the spread.

01:35:02.000 He couldn't be himself throughout the ages. 1.00

01:35:04.000 Whereas Nicholson, the hair started falling out, no toupee, just show up to award shows, his hair all fucked up, big bald spot, doesn't give a shit. 1.00

01:35:04.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:35:13.000 He was always a freak and always an artist, so he could kind of roll with it.

01:35:16.000 He rolled with everything.

01:35:17.000 He rolled with getting fat.

01:35:18.000 He just kept getting fatter and fatter and fatter.

01:35:20.000 And he was in that movie with Cher, where he played the devil or something like that.

01:35:25.000 You remember that movie?

01:35:26.000 She Devils or something? 0.99

01:35:27.000 There were witches or something like that. 1.00

01:35:28.000 Witches of Eastwick?

01:35:29.000 Witches of Eastwick. 0.50

01:35:30.000 That's a good movie. 0.94

01:35:31.000 Yeah, and he was already fat and creepy then.

01:35:33.000 He had made this transition seamlessly.

01:35:36.000 So him and Burt Reynolds are probably very similar in age.

01:35:39.000 But he looks great.

01:35:41.000 You look at Nicholson, he looks great.

01:35:43.000 He looks like an old guy. 0.82

01:35:44.000 He was at the game the other day, or a Floyd Mayweather fight.

01:35:48.000 And he's eating popcorn while they're interviewing him.

01:35:51.000 You're not stopping for your camera. 0.99

01:35:54.000 If you want to talk to Jack while he's fucking watching the fights, he's going to eat popcorn. 0.98

01:35:58.000 But you don't feel sad for him. 0.99

01:35:59.000 You see Burt Reynolds and you're like, Jesus Christ, look at this poor guy.

01:36:03.000 His body's all hunched over.

01:36:05.000 He looks like he weighs maybe 100 pounds.

01:36:07.000 I'm not even kidding.

01:36:08.000 He's got the wig on.

01:36:10.000 His face is drawn from surgery and weird and shiny and stiff.

01:36:14.000 He's got no spark.

01:36:15.000 He's got no life.

01:36:17.000 It's depressing.

01:36:18.000 It's depressing when you consider how funny he was.

01:36:21.000 If you go watch Smokey and the Bandit, it's another time capsule, but it's hard to see.

01:36:26.000 He doesn't even look like that now, man.

01:36:28.000 You know what's weird about Smokey and the Bandit?

01:36:30.000 I watched it a couple years ago.

01:36:31.000 There's no one under 30 in that movie.

01:36:34.000 Right.

01:36:34.000 And they don't do that in movies anymore.

01:36:36.000 It's all like young, hot shots.

01:36:38.000 Smokey and the Bandit was fun, man.

01:36:39.000 The only young people that had in Smokey and the Bandit was people that almost got hit by cars on a baseball field when they jumped and started driving on a baseball field.

01:36:48.000 How great is Jackie Gleason in that movie?

01:36:51.000 Burt Reynolds had that one.

01:36:52.000 He was great.

01:36:53.000 Jackie Gleason was awesome in that movie.

01:36:55.000 What was that one?

01:36:56.000 I'm sorry to interrupt you, but I'm trying to remember this one Burt Reynolds movie.

01:36:59.000 I think it was Domino?

01:37:01.000 Was that what it's called?

01:37:05.000 Hold on.

01:37:06.000 Reynolds.

01:37:07.000 That's a weird way to spell it. 1.00

01:37:08.000 Look at that sexy motherfucker, Joe. 1.00

01:37:11.000 Look at that. 1.00

01:37:12.000 He made the hairy chest sexy.

01:37:14.000 Stud, bro. 0.53

01:37:16.000 Hold me back. 1.00

01:37:20.000 He did a lot of goddamn movies, man. 1.00

01:37:23.000 Stick! 1.00

01:37:25.000 Sharky's Machine.

01:37:26.000 Do you remember that movie?

01:37:26.000 That was it.

01:37:27.000 No.

01:37:28.000 Where Burt Reynolds...

01:37:29.000 It was a good movie, man.

01:37:30.000 Burt Reynolds...

01:37:31.000 It was a cop movie. 0.99

01:37:32.000 And at the time, I fucking loved it. 0.89

01:37:34.000 It only has a 6.2. 1.00

01:37:36.000 I bet if I watch it today, I'll think it sucks. 0.98

01:37:38.000 But I was 14 years old. 0.94

01:37:39.000 And Burt Reynolds played a badass in this...

01:37:42.000 He was a narcotics cop in Atlanta.

01:37:44.000 Demoted device after a botched bust.

01:37:47.000 In the depths of this lowly division while investigating a high-dollar prostitution ring...

01:37:53.000 Sharky stumbles across a mob murder with government ties.

01:37:57.000 Isn't it funny when you read a crazy, super, overly dramatic movie?

01:38:02.000 You read the description and you're like, what kind of a life is this that all this keeps happening to you?

01:38:07.000 Sharky stumbles across a mob murder with government ties and responds by assembling his downtrodden fellow investigators Sharky's machine to find the leaders and bring them to justice. 0.99

01:38:20.000 Meanwhile, most cops are bored out of their fucking minds just sitting around the office. 0.98

01:38:24.000 No evidence, no nothing. 0.99

01:38:26.000 I bet it's terrible if I watch it today, but goddamn, I liked it at the time when I was 14. Did he ever go mustacheless? 0.96

01:38:31.000 Is he mustacheless in Boogie Nights?

01:38:32.000 I don't think he is.

01:38:33.000 I don't know.

01:38:34.000 He loved the mustache, man.

01:38:36.000 He wore it a lot.

01:38:37.000 Do you have tape over your webcam?

01:38:39.000 Yeah.

01:38:39.000 You don't...

01:38:40.000 I don't want people seeing me beating off.

01:38:42.000 That's hilarious.

01:38:43.000 Tired of the NSA. No, you know what it was, man?

01:38:45.000 I actually had tape that they put over this thing from filming the show.

01:38:49.000 They wanted to cover my Apple logo, and I had an extra piece.

01:38:52.000 And I put it over the camera as a goof, and then just left it there.

01:38:58.000 I met this girl the other day that had... 0.82

01:39:01.000 On her phone, she had tape on the front and tape on the back, like a crazy person.

01:39:05.000 Why, because she's like an FBI agent? 1.00

01:39:07.000 Well, no, people are afraid of the NSA. They're afraid of the NSA, tuning into your laptop.

01:39:11.000 If you look through a million hours of me, you're going to see me in front of the computer, and then 10% of those times, I'll be beating off.

01:39:19.000 Right.

01:39:20.000 That's what you're going to see.

01:39:20.000 So, if you need to see that...

01:39:23.000 Still not a crime.

01:39:23.000 Look through that thing.

01:39:25.000 But, like, why would anybody want to go through that data?

01:39:28.000 What are you trying to prove?

01:39:30.000 I'll just tell you.

01:39:31.000 What are you trying to prove?

01:39:32.000 This has been documented.

01:39:33.000 For some people, though, it's dangerous as they find out that you beat off.

01:39:36.000 Like, if you found out that Colin Powell was an obsessive, like, foot fetish.

01:39:40.000 It would change the way I thought about him, that's for sure.

01:39:42.000 He loved, like, this is his move.

01:39:43.000 He loved, like, watching a video, very specific. 0.99

01:39:46.000 One girl's licking your balls while the other one, you're coming on her feet. 1.00

01:39:49.000 Right. 0.99

01:39:50.000 No, that would change the way I thought about him, and I would question his ability to lead the military.

01:39:53.000 Patriot style.

01:39:54.000 Even though it's irrational for me to think that. 0.99

01:39:57.000 Yeah, if you found out that he was just really into transgender porn, that was his big thing. 0.98

01:40:01.000 You would not trust him when it comes to his decision making. 0.97

01:40:04.000 Yeah, because I mean...

01:40:06.000 Meanwhile, there's no other indications.

01:40:07.000 He's exactly the same person as when he was like the most awesome general ever.

01:40:11.000 His resume is the exact same. 1.00

01:40:12.000 Yeah, let me just find out all this tranny porn shit. 1.00

01:40:13.000 What if it gets out to the news? 1.00

01:40:15.000 People find out how he enjoys his pleasure.

01:40:17.000 Wow.

01:40:18.000 With a slice of pain!

01:40:21.000 Transgender with a girl is pretty sweet. 0.62

01:40:24.000 What does that mean?

01:40:25.000 A girl to a boy? 1.00

01:40:26.000 Meaning like a girl that has boobs and hair, but a dick, and it's fucking a normal girl. 1.00

01:40:32.000 That's hot. 1.00

01:40:32.000 You like that? 1.00

01:40:33.000 Do you watch that?

01:40:34.000 Do you watch that for real? 0.99

01:40:35.000 Well, because it's like you take the guy who you don't really want to see anyways, and you give him boobs and make him look like a girl.

01:40:40.000 Somehow it doesn't affect Brian's reputation when he says something like that.

01:40:44.000 He doesn't have a reputation.

01:40:45.000 His reputation is that.

01:40:47.000 That's the best aspect of his personality, his curiosity, his willingness to hang his neck out there.

01:40:53.000 But we don't want him leading the military at the same time.

01:40:55.000 But do you know what I mean, though? 0.69

01:40:56.000 It's like, instead of having to look at a hairy dude or some ugly dude...

01:40:59.000 Oh, no, I see your logic.

01:41:01.000 Have you tried it?

01:41:01.000 No, it doesn't work with me.

01:41:03.000 I limit myself to...

01:41:06.000 I don't want to watch that.

01:41:07.000 I'm scared I'll like it.

01:41:09.000 Why?

01:41:10.000 Because then I'll be all I watch, and now I'm Colin Powell.

01:41:12.000 What?

01:41:13.000 What? 0.99

01:41:14.000 I think personally, when you start getting into weird, freaky shit, like if you're only into someone coming on feet or something like that, maybe you need to stop beating off for a couple months. 0.99

01:41:23.000 Maybe you've talked yourself into some weird box where every girl has to have a dick and everybody's feet have to have red nails. 1.00

01:41:30.000 I need red nail polish! 1.00

01:41:32.000 There's no fucking red nail polish! 1.00

01:41:34.000 You'll find your search message boards for the red nail polish fetish jerking off for them and everyone agrees. 1.00

01:41:40.000 What are these assholes with black goth toads? 1.00

01:41:42.000 Who wants to see that? 1.00

01:41:43.000 And you find the red nail polish, but it's still not good enough.

01:41:46.000 You've got to find the perfect...

01:41:47.000 There's always going to be people that take anything, whether it's a conversation, whether it's a relationship, or whether it's...

01:41:53.000 Star Trek.

01:41:54.000 They take things to a bad place.

01:41:55.000 They take a good thing, and they put it in a bad place. 0.99

01:41:58.000 That's why porn gets such a goddamn terrible reputation. 0.97

01:42:01.000 It's because, yeah, there's a few dudes who beat off a wee too bit. 1.00

01:42:05.000 Oh, yeah.

01:42:06.000 A wee too bit.

01:42:07.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:42:08.000 A wee too bit much.

01:42:10.000 But there's also people that use it so that they don't have to date people.

01:42:13.000 They don't really want to date just to get some sex.

01:42:15.000 That's the thing.

01:42:16.000 They just see it and they didn't create it.

01:42:18.000 They don't feel totally karmically responsible for just watching it and downloading it.

01:42:23.000 And then they beat off, and then they go about their day full charge without being trapped, like poor Dick Van Dyke.

01:42:29.000 Right.

01:42:29.000 Poor Dick Van Dyke, who had to sleep in a different bed and wasn't allowed to beat off them.

01:42:33.000 Couldn't even go fishing.

01:42:34.000 They thought back then.

01:42:35.000 They thought Satan would come and steal you in your sleep if you beat off.

01:42:38.000 Yeah, they did.

01:42:39.000 They didn't allow it.

01:42:40.000 It was illegal.

01:42:41.000 It got labeled a homosexual thing. 1.00

01:42:43.000 Beat off and be gay. 1.00

01:42:45.000 Masturbating. 1.00

01:42:45.000 Beat off and be gay. 1.00

01:42:46.000 Well, it should be. 1.00

01:42:47.000 I mean, you're a man fucking a man. 1.00

01:42:49.000 You have a dick in your hand. 1.00

01:42:50.000 What are you doing? 1.00

01:42:51.000 You're doing gay shit. 1.00

01:42:52.000 You're fucking a man's hand. 1.00

01:42:53.000 How dare you? 1.00

01:42:54.000 Well, I quit. 1.00

01:42:55.000 Fucking weirdo. 1.00

01:42:57.000 Weirdo fucking your own hand. 1.00

01:42:58.000 I don't believe in gay sex except my own gay hand. 1.00

01:43:02.000 Both my hands are gay as fuck. 1.00

01:43:04.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:43:04.000 My right's way more gay. 1.00

01:43:05.000 My left hand's gay and my right hand's gay. 0.98

01:43:07.000 My left hand's bi-curious. 1.00

01:43:09.000 Fortunately, they're only gay for my dick. 1.00

01:43:13.000 Monogamous. 1.00

01:43:13.000 Boy, I lucked out on that one. 1.00

01:43:15.000 Not that there's anything wrong with being gay, but it seems like you guys carry more weight than we do. 0.82

01:43:18.000 We carry a greater societal burden.

01:43:21.000 Not from people like me, but from people who judge.

01:43:25.000 Yep. 0.99

01:43:26.000 So in that case, I'm glad my dick is the only thing that my hands are attracted to. 1.00

01:43:30.000 You have less to deal with. 1.00

01:43:32.000 Gay hands are called jazz hands, right? 0.99

01:43:34.000 No, jazz hands. 0.98

01:43:35.000 Ta-da! 1.00

01:43:36.000 When you're trying to put a little extra energy in something that really sucks. 0.98

01:43:40.000 Ta-da! 1.00

01:43:42.000 You know, something that's really not that good.

01:43:44.000 Or you're trying to downplay something that is unbelievably super awesome.

01:43:48.000 Like if you're, you know, standing there in front of a movie, you've been waiting for three years, and you have the opening night ticket, you're like, ta-da!

01:43:54.000 Those are legit jazz hands, you know, when you're waiting for The Hobbit, The Desolation of Smaug, to come out.

01:44:01.000 Waiting in line. 0.81

01:44:02.000 Do you remember when the fucking Harry Potter novels were coming out and people were making videos of them running by and giving away the ending? 0.98

01:44:10.000 No! 0.99

01:44:11.000 No, no, no!

01:44:12.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:44:13.000 God, those guys were cunts. 0.99

01:44:14.000 It would have been great if that video ended with somebody just blindsiding the guy on the bike. 0.99

01:44:19.000 Right. 1.00

01:44:19.000 Just knocking him down, kicking his ass, and all the fucking Harry Potter dorks join in. 1.00

01:44:24.000 Fuck you! 1.00

01:44:26.000 Sorry! 1.00

01:44:27.000 I thought it was funny! 0.97

01:44:28.000 Beating him with brooms.

01:44:30.000 Can you imagine, man, just wanting to steal joy?

01:44:33.000 Just wanting to steal mystery from people?

01:44:35.000 There's always somebody.

01:44:37.000 And that was bad.

01:44:37.000 I mean, you know, I guess the internet was still around then.

01:44:40.000 I don't know what kind of spoilers you would get, because social media wasn't as strong, like Twitter and Facebook and all that stuff.

01:44:45.000 So I bet it was probably harder to find out accidentally what the end of a book was.

01:44:50.000 You had to search for a spoiler, basically.

01:44:53.000 Yeah, back then you had to really go looking. 0.99

01:44:55.000 Or you had to get stuck next to some asshole who won't stop talking about it. 0.99

01:45:00.000 You're like, I don't want to know. 1.00

01:45:01.000 It doesn't matter.

01:45:01.000 You'll still enjoy it.

01:45:02.000 Listen, he goes into the dark.

01:45:04.000 Why are you still telling me this? 0.82

01:45:09.000 I've been working all week, and when I'm done, I want to watch Harry Potter, goddammit.

01:45:13.000 I had a guy do that to me once, a guy that I really respected, and it was so brutal.

01:45:17.000 I couldn't believe my opinion of him changed.

01:45:20.000 He was a famous guy. 0.98

01:45:21.000 He was telling me this really fucking boring version of that... 0.97

01:45:25.000 What is the I Drink Your Milkshake movie? 0.99

01:45:30.000 Oh, there will be blood.

01:45:31.000 There will be blood, yeah.

01:45:32.000 And he's telling me about the opening scene.

01:45:34.000 And he's describing the scene.

01:45:35.000 I'm like, please stop.

01:45:36.000 Please stop.

01:45:37.000 Please stop.

01:45:38.000 Look, I'm going to see this movie.

01:45:39.000 It don't matter.

01:45:40.000 You'll still enjoy it.

01:45:41.000 I'll still enjoy it.

01:45:42.000 You're telling me what's happening!

01:45:45.000 And he wouldn't stop.

01:45:46.000 I literally had to walk away. 1.00

01:45:47.000 I go, Jesus fucking Christ. 1.00

01:45:49.000 And I had to leave. 0.99

01:45:50.000 He was insisting on letting not just me, but all the people around me know exactly what happened in this opening scene. 0.99

01:45:56.000 I'm like, fucking Christ. 0.99

01:45:57.000 Was this Daniel Day-Lewis was doing this to you? 1.00

01:45:59.000 Shh! 0.97

01:45:59.000 Dude, I told you, don't talk about me and Daniel! 0.97

01:46:04.000 If I have a protein shake...

01:46:06.000 I think he does everything perfectly.

01:46:07.000 I would never criticize him.

01:46:09.000 Have you guys seen those pants that the young kids are wearing nowadays that looks like...

01:46:13.000 Oh, these young kids.

01:46:14.000 Skids?

01:46:15.000 It's where it looks like you have poopy drawers almost, where it's not droopy pants.

01:46:20.000 Here's a video of Bieber wearing them, where it almost looks like the crotch is down way far, like by your knees.

01:46:29.000 What?

01:46:30.000 Almost...

01:46:30.000 Oh, hold on.

01:46:31.000 Like hammer pants?

01:46:32.000 Yeah, kind of like hammer pants.

01:46:34.000 Wait a minute.

01:46:35.000 What is this? 0.98

01:46:37.000 So they're skinny, but baggy in the crotch. 0.90

01:46:40.000 The crotch goes down to you about your knees. 0.98

01:46:42.000 You look kind of like a penguin. 0.98

01:46:43.000 You better not be checking leg kicks, I'll tell you that.

01:46:46.000 And see how the pot smoke that's coming out of his van?

01:46:47.000 This is from yesterday.

01:46:48.000 He's getting in trouble.

01:46:49.000 Exclusive!

01:46:50.000 Yeah, police were telling him he can't hotbox with his van.

01:46:54.000 Why is he driving in a van?

01:46:56.000 I don't know.

01:46:56.000 Is that how he gets around?

01:46:57.000 I guess so.

01:46:58.000 So he brings his crew with him.

01:47:00.000 Is that how you bring your crew?

01:47:01.000 Yeah.

01:47:01.000 Yeah, you have to have a van if you want everybody to travel together.

01:47:03.000 He's got an immense crew.

01:47:04.000 You know, when you're a legit super-duper star, you gather an immense crew like he has.

01:47:09.000 I'd love to have a crew.

01:47:10.000 I think the full-charge crew needs a special name, like the Volts.

01:47:14.000 The Chargeheads.

01:47:16.000 The Volts.

01:47:17.000 The Volts.

01:47:17.000 Yeah.

01:47:19.000 The Amps.

01:47:21.000 Amperage.

01:47:21.000 The Everettys.

01:47:22.000 I like that.

01:47:24.000 Duracells.

01:47:25.000 The Duracell Group.

01:47:27.000 I've seen people wear these pants all the time, and they hit me in a gross-out kind...

01:47:32.000 Oh, here they are.

01:47:33.000 Because they are.

01:47:33.000 They're like hammer pants.

01:47:35.000 I'm not shocked. 1.00

01:47:36.000 This shit's popular right now. 1.00

01:47:38.000 I'm just not shocked. 1.00

01:47:40.000 Human beings are begging for the aliens to fucking wipe us out. 1.00

01:47:44.000 Begging. 1.00

01:47:44.000 With every new fashion choice. 1.00

01:47:47.000 With every new video we make.

01:47:49.000 Seemed like it was getting pretty normal there for a while.

01:47:51.000 Incorrect.

01:47:52.000 Full charge.

01:47:53.000 Very sweater vest.

01:47:54.000 You haven't been paying attention, fella. 0.99

01:47:55.000 It's been downhill since the fucking bell bottom. 0.99

01:47:58.000 We accepted the bell bottom, and it was a slide, my friend. 0.99

01:48:02.000 A slide.

01:48:03.000 I think I'm going to go to tracksuits and fanny packs.

01:48:06.000 I'll do it.

01:48:07.000 I think I'm going to commit.

01:48:09.000 I'm for the tracksuit.

01:48:10.000 I think tracksuit and fanny pack is my new look for life.

01:48:14.000 I think my body will appreciate it.

01:48:16.000 It's very light, relaxing.

01:48:18.000 Let's find some good tracksuits, Brian, and change that to our new wardrobe.

01:48:21.000 I'll show you the ones that I want.

01:48:23.000 We live in California, man. 0.99

01:48:24.000 I don't need to wear thermals and shit. 0.99

01:48:25.000 I don't need layers of goose down. 0.99

01:48:27.000 I can get by with a tracksuit and a fanny pack.

01:48:29.000 Yeah, I want to be part of your crew.

01:48:32.000 I don't feel like starting my own.

01:48:33.000 Dude, what kind of sneakers should we wear?

01:48:34.000 What kind of sneakers should we wear?

01:48:35.000 We definitely gotta wear Pumas or Adidas.

01:48:37.000 That's what I'm saying!

01:48:38.000 Shell tops!

01:48:39.000 Yeah, whatever the tracksuit is.

01:48:40.000 Here's the shoes that...

01:48:41.000 Asics. 0.66

01:48:42.000 Those are good.

01:48:43.000 That's a good choice, Brian.

01:48:45.000 That's a good choice.

01:48:46.000 That's a comfortable shoe, too.

01:48:47.000 Yep.

01:48:48.000 And if you're wearing, like, a blue tracksuit with some white stripes, that'll fit nicely.

01:48:51.000 If we learned anything from Fat James, it's tracksuits and Asics. 1.00

01:48:55.000 No doubt about it.

01:48:57.000 Rest in peace, Fat James.

01:48:58.000 Yeah, tracksuits and Asics.

01:49:00.000 I haven't had a tracksuit since I was probably 19. When was the last time you had an actual legit tracksuit?

01:49:04.000 I got one when I was like 28 because I was going out with this girl.

01:49:08.000 I wanted to try to pull it off like we're talking about now.

01:49:12.000 She worked at Echo.

01:49:13.000 You know that Mark Echo, that clothing line?

01:49:15.000 She worked there. 0.97

01:49:16.000 And I'm like, give me one of these tracksuits.

01:49:19.000 And I tried it for like a week and I just couldn't keep it up.

01:49:22.000 You know?

01:49:24.000 This is a tracksuit.

01:49:25.000 I couldn't commit.

01:49:26.000 Let's put it that way.

01:49:26.000 I didn't have a crew.

01:49:27.000 Yeah.

01:49:28.000 The ever-readies weren't ready yet.

01:49:29.000 You gotta have some other people behind you that also wear... 0.99

01:49:31.000 So everybody doesn't give a fuck together. 0.99

01:49:34.000 Mm-hmm. 0.99

01:49:34.000 You know, because it's just you on your own out there in the wilderness of life being judged by your fashion choices. 0.99

01:49:39.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:49:39.000 And you're wearing a fucking tracksuit. 1.00

01:49:40.000 And you see a girl outside of a place where a girl... 1.00

01:49:43.000 If you were dressed like this, she'd be like, oh... 1.00

01:49:45.000 Oh, you're Matt Fultron's stand-up comedian, but she sees you, and why are you wearing a tracksuit?

01:49:50.000 Yeah.

01:49:51.000 Well, you know, I just like being casual, and... 1.00

01:49:52.000 I like dressing like a moron. 1.00

01:49:55.000 They don't buy that. 1.00

01:49:56.000 Is it a moron thing, or is it a comfortable thing? 1.00

01:49:59.000 Are we the morons, Full Charge? 1.00

01:50:01.000 I know I'm the moron. 1.00

01:50:02.000 With our zippers? 1.00

01:50:03.000 To get our dicks trapped in. 0.98

01:50:04.000 And our belts. 0.99

01:50:05.000 Our belts.

01:50:06.000 And we could just have a simple drawstring.

01:50:07.000 Easy access.

01:50:09.000 We gotta start smoking cigars, too.

01:50:10.000 Dude, let's do it!

01:50:12.000 Little bit of organized crime.

01:50:14.000 See, Bruce Lee owned that type of tracksuit the same way Hitler owned the mustache. 0.91

01:50:21.000 You can't wear that without people thinking that you're Bruce Lee.

01:50:24.000 Except Bruce Lee hurt many more people than Hitler. 0.68

01:50:26.000 Yeah, see like this one?

01:50:27.000 Nothing.

01:50:28.000 You can wear that, no problem.

01:50:29.000 But that Game of Death one?

01:50:30.000 No.

01:50:31.000 Bruce Lee owns that.

01:50:32.000 That's his.

01:50:33.000 You can't wear that.

01:50:33.000 You can't wear a yellow jumpsuit.

01:50:35.000 It'd be embarrassing to wear a jumpsuit and like a breakdance competition breaks out and then you got nothing.

01:50:39.000 You got nothing!

01:50:42.000 You're just kind of inching away quietly.

01:50:46.000 Yeah, Bruce Lee, that yellow tracksuit, if you wear that, people go, yo, what's up, Bruce Lee?

01:50:51.000 They'll immediately go to that.

01:50:53.000 That tracksuit is off-limits.

01:50:54.000 If you have a tracksuit, you better learn a skill, and that better be karate, breakdancing, or counting numbers at horse races.

01:51:01.000 That's incredible.

01:51:01.000 Now that I'm thinking about it, is there one actor more synonymous with a very specific type of jumpsuit than Bruce Lee?

01:51:08.000 No, I mean, unless you count L.O.Hul J, which you can't.

01:51:12.000 But they can't, because he owns that yellow jumpsuit in the Game of Death so hard that, to this day, the only time you see people wearing them is when they're wearing it for a Bruce Lee costume.

01:51:21.000 Right. 0.99

01:51:22.000 Like, he owns that fucking yellow jumpsuit. 0.99

01:51:24.000 There's never been, like, a time like that where someone has just a really standard type of athletic apparel that is so common to them that when you see it, all you think about is them. 1.00

01:51:35.000 Fanny pack.

01:51:38.000 Hey! 0.99

01:51:38.000 Beyonce fanny pack. 0.99

01:51:40.000 Yeah, boy.

01:51:41.000 She ain't scared. 1.00

01:51:42.000 When you have an ass like that, no one sees anything other than your ass. 1.00

01:51:45.000 That fanny pack is only examined by people online. 1.00

01:51:48.000 If you were there in front of her, it would be like a mirage.

01:51:51.000 You wouldn't even be able to see it. 0.98

01:51:52.000 You'd see her hips to the ass ratio is incredible. 1.00

01:51:56.000 I think it's real. 0.99

01:51:57.000 She's so hungry. 1.00

01:51:58.000 She's ridiculous. 0.99

01:52:00.000 Ridiculously hot. 1.00

01:52:01.000 I forget what we're talking about now.

01:52:03.000 Jack Nicholson.

01:52:06.000 Burt Reynolds.

01:52:07.000 It was Burt Reynolds.

01:52:08.000 It was, you know, when you see a guy like Burt Reynolds that's, like, had all that plastic surgery and he's, like, really hurting right now.

01:52:16.000 No one's won the plastic surgery game yet, have they?

01:52:19.000 Well, here's what's really crazy.

01:52:21.000 You know who's the same age as him?

01:52:23.000 Sylvester Stallone.

01:52:24.000 Uh-huh. 1.00

01:52:25.000 That crazy fuck that looks like he's 30 years old. 1.00

01:52:27.000 Right. 1.00

01:52:27.000 I mean, his face doesn't, but his body is ridiculous. 1.00

01:52:29.000 He's fucking shredded. 0.99

01:52:30.000 So what's Sylvester doing? 0.99

01:52:32.000 Just hair dye?

01:52:33.000 Yeah.

01:52:34.000 I mean, he's definitely doing that.

01:52:36.000 He's eating babies.

01:52:37.000 But does Sylvester have any plastic surgery?

01:52:40.000 Taking hormones.

01:52:40.000 Yeah, I'm sure he has.

01:52:42.000 He's an actor.

01:52:45.000 By the time they get to be like that age, especially the superstar blockbuster type dudes that keep their hair the same color, they've had a little bit of something done.

01:52:54.000 Just a little tuck here, a little Botox there.

01:52:56.000 They get that weird shiny skin that doesn't move. 0.99

01:52:58.000 And when they do this, it doesn't work.

01:53:00.000 Right.

01:53:01.000 So it's like...

01:53:02.000 So then you can't even act.

01:53:03.000 It's like shiny.

01:53:04.000 You can't even be surprised.

01:53:05.000 Well, you know, you can be surprised if you're in a movie. 1.00

01:53:09.000 Somebody hired your old crazy ass with your poisoned skin. 1.00

01:53:12.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:53:12.000 Your frozen fucking paralyzed skin because you think that looks better. 1.00

01:53:15.000 Bruce Willis kept it real. 1.00

01:53:17.000 Kept it real.

01:53:17.000 Still working.

01:53:18.000 Still working.

01:53:18.000 Yeah, there's a lot of those guys, right?

01:53:20.000 And then stand-up comedy, too.

01:53:23.000 A lot of those guys, like George Carlin, perfect example. 0.97

01:53:28.000 George Carlin just kept being George Carlin through being a young guy to being an old curmudgeon, an old scholarly curmudgeon breaking down the funny shit about the world. 0.93

01:53:40.000 You just stayed the same guy. 0.96

01:53:42.000 Something happens to some people though, man, where they just can't do that.

01:53:47.000 Something happens to some people where they can't accept it. 0.98

01:53:50.000 They've got to cut their face.

01:53:52.000 Not a lot of comics doing the surgery, right?

01:53:56.000 What if it became shown on paper that duck lips make every punchline 10% better?

01:54:03.000 They probably do.

01:54:04.000 I'm sure they do.

01:54:07.000 Brody does punch lips.

01:54:08.000 He does punchline lips.

01:54:11.000 He does it on purpose.

01:54:13.000 Don't tell a joke.

01:54:14.000 And he's got his face cut, too.

01:54:15.000 He's got that scar.

01:54:16.000 Yeah, but that scar is an accident.

01:54:19.000 You're right, though, because that scar came from laser surgery.

01:54:21.000 He was trying to get his hair removed from his face, and they burned his face.

01:54:25.000 Really?

01:54:25.000 Yeah.

01:54:26.000 Well, Brody's fucking hairy. 1.00

01:54:28.000 Brody's fucking hairy. 1.00

01:54:30.000 When he shaves his face, he gets stubbed like an hour later, and it's all the way up to his cheeks. 1.00

01:54:35.000 So he was trying to get it lasered, and they botched him.

01:54:38.000 I wonder if he got paid for that.

01:54:40.000 Did he get paid for that?

01:54:40.000 I don't know, but he might have just done it again on his eyebrows, and that's why he wears a hat down like this and glasses.

01:54:46.000 I hope he doesn't.

01:54:47.000 He doesn't need to do that.

01:54:48.000 He's Brody.

01:54:49.000 Just give him love for who he is.

01:54:50.000 Got tattooed eyebrows or something.

01:54:52.000 Does he really?

01:54:53.000 Yeah.

01:54:53.000 Or lasered eyebrows, and then they do too much.

01:54:57.000 No, it's something that lasts up to, like, I think you said six months or something like that.

01:55:02.000 Lasered?

01:55:03.000 Yeah.

01:55:03.000 Well, they laser it.

01:55:04.000 It'll kill, like, a lot of your eyebrow hairs for a long time.

01:55:08.000 Like, a lot of girls get it on their hoo-ha. 1.00

01:55:10.000 Hey! 0.99

01:55:11.000 They go down on their hoo-ha, and they get it lasered down.

01:55:13.000 But I think it's a tattoo, though.

01:55:14.000 It's a...

01:55:15.000 Not permanent tattoo, but it's one that goes away in like six months.

01:55:19.000 What are you talking about?

01:55:20.000 He has eyebrows tattooed?

01:55:21.000 Yeah, that's why.

01:55:21.000 You probably shouldn't be talking about that.

01:55:22.000 Dude, you were telling on him.

01:55:23.000 Why are you talking about that?

01:55:24.000 Because we talked about it on Ice House.

01:55:25.000 Oh, okay.

01:55:26.000 He already talked about it. 0.93

01:55:27.000 He's so crazy, he would. 0.81

01:55:29.000 What? 0.94

01:55:31.000 The Hair Chronicles. 0.92

01:55:32.000 He was fucking unbelievably funny the last time he was on here. 0.83

01:55:35.000 Oh, it was so great. 0.94

01:55:36.000 Everybody's talking about it, dude.

01:55:37.000 One of the funniest podcasts I've ever done with him.

01:55:40.000 Without a doubt.

01:55:41.000 So cool he's got the TV show, because he was like, I don't know if you remember, like, when he showed up in L.A. in the late 90s, everyone was going fucking apeshit for him.

01:55:49.000 Like, on the comic circuit.

01:55:51.000 Well, I know comics have always respected him.

01:55:54.000 He's always been a guy that, you know, Stanhope and I had him do the opening war.

The Joe Rogan Experience - December 19, 2013

Joe Rogan Experience #431 - Matt Fulchiron (Part 1)

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