The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #474 - Hannibal Buress

00:00:07.000 I like to leave people in suspense. 1.00

00:00:09.000 What's up, fuckers? 1.00

00:00:10.000 Hey! 1.00

00:00:11.000 This episode of the Joe Rogan Experience is brought to you by NatureBox.

00:00:14.000 Do you hear that munching in the background?

00:00:16.000 That is the hilarious Hannibal Buress eating some NatureBox.

00:00:20.000 And it is yummy.

00:00:21.000 It's pretty good.

00:00:22.000 I'm not even getting paid for this.

00:00:25.000 And Buress. 0.96

00:00:27.000 Sour cream and onion almonds.

00:00:29.000 Yeah.

00:00:30.000 I get all the gluten-free ones.

00:00:31.000 And I try to get the healthiest version.

00:00:34.000 They have healthy up to, nah, kind of sketchy healthy.

00:00:37.000 But delicious.

00:00:38.000 All delicious.

00:00:39.000 Like pretzels.

00:00:40.000 You can't really make pretzels healthy.

00:00:42.000 Sorry, folks.

00:00:42.000 It's not really possible.

00:00:43.000 It's made out of bread.

00:00:44.000 Unless you come up with some rice pretzels.

00:00:47.000 Anyway, point is, what they do have is delicious.

00:00:50.000 The blueberry almonds. 1.00

00:00:51.000 You gotta try that shit. 1.00

00:00:52.000 That's my favorite. 1.00

00:00:53.000 My second favorite is these dark cocoa almonds. 0.97

00:00:56.000 Goddamn, those are good. 0.96

00:00:57.000 Woo! 0.99

00:00:58.000 Their products are all natural.

00:00:59.000 They combine a much higher quality ingredient than a typical vending machine ingredient.

00:01:04.000 Makes them healthier.

00:01:05.000 They have 100 snacks to choose from.

00:01:06.000 So if you're looking for something that, like if you have certain dietary needs, like your gluten-free, low sugar content, stuff like that, they have that too.

00:01:14.000 Whenever possible, they also try to use non-GMO food as well.

00:01:19.000 You know, GMO food is a very hot topic.

00:01:21.000 You want to say you're organic and GMO. No one knows what either one of those things mean.

00:01:25.000 You know, there's a lot of genetically modified food, folks.

00:01:28.000 Essentially, almost all corn you eat, almost all wheat you eat is genetically modified, especially wheat. 0.99

00:01:34.000 Since like the 1950s, they changed the shit. 0.99

00:01:36.000 That's why people are so gluten intolerant. 1.00

00:01:38.000 But GMO, really genetically modified, like in a fucking lab, that's the new shit. 1.00

00:01:44.000 People are scared. 1.00

00:01:46.000 You really know food, Joe.

00:01:47.000 I know a little bit of food, Hannibal Breast.

00:01:48.000 Just a little bit.

00:01:49.000 Anyway, no high fructose corn syrup, no partially hyndrogenated oils, no trans fats, no artificial sweeteners, no artificial flavors, no artificial colors. 0.99

00:01:59.000 So they make their shit as healthy as possible. 0.98

00:02:01.000 And still yummy. 0.99

00:02:02.000 I think it's a good balance between eating raw kale, which I do a lot of, And having these delicious cocoa almonds.

00:02:12.000 So anyway, naturebox.com.

00:02:17.000 We support them.

00:02:18.000 They support the podcast.

00:02:20.000 And I enjoy them.

00:02:22.000 And if you go to naturebox.com slash Rogan, you will get 50% off your first box. 0.98

00:02:27.000 That's a pretty sweet deal, bitches. 1.00

00:02:29.000 50%? 0.99

00:02:30.000 Half off your first box.

00:02:31.000 Go to naturebox.com forward slash Rogan.

00:02:36.000 And free shipping anywhere in the U.S. So NatureBox is busting up the vending machines monopoly on your midday hunger.

00:02:43.000 That's obviously someone else wrote that, not me.

00:02:45.000 Can you tell the difference?

00:02:47.000 Slacking a certain something.

00:02:48.000 Anyway, NatureBox.com forward slash Rogan.

00:02:52.000 Go there.

00:02:52.000 Enjoy it.

00:02:53.000 We're also brought to you by Onnit.com.

00:02:55.000 That's O-N-N-I-T. Makers of Alpha Brain, Shroom Tech, New Mood, all controversial nootropics and performance-enhancing drugs that are legal.

00:03:06.000 What is alpha brain? 0.99

00:03:08.000 If you've never heard of it before, alpha brain is what's called a nootropic.

00:03:12.000 Google that word, N-O-O, tropic.

00:03:14.000 And what it is, is essentially nutrients that...

00:03:19.000 Give your brain the building blocks it needs to produce human neurotransmitters.

00:03:23.000 It's very complicated stuff.

00:03:25.000 What?

00:03:26.000 Yeah.

00:03:26.000 It was actually first formulated.

00:03:28.000 I think paracetam was one of the first.

00:03:30.000 And it was in the 1960s they figured this out.

00:03:32.000 They figured out that it changes their levels of acetylcholine.

00:03:36.000 Acetylcholine enhances memory.

00:03:38.000 For me, the big one, what it does best, is it allows me to pull up words.

00:03:42.000 I feel like it allows me to form sentences more freely.

00:03:46.000 And, you know, there's actually been scientific studies done on it, both in individual ingredients and there's recently been a clinical trial on AlphaBrain.

00:03:54.000 All the lab results are all posted at Onnit.com.

00:03:59.000 If you go to AlphaBrain, you click on that link, you can read the clinical results.

00:04:03.000 We did one study.

00:04:04.000 We got positive results, especially on memory and execution.

00:04:09.000 I have to be able to execute tasks and think about things.

00:04:12.000 So what I'm saying with formulating sentences, there's a direct effect between how you can formulate sentences and how much nutrition you've had.

00:04:20.000 It just makes sense.

00:04:21.000 Do you feel better when you have more nutrition?

00:04:23.000 Of course you do.

00:04:24.000 If you feel better, probably your brain feels better too.

00:04:26.000 That's the idea behind the alpha brain.

00:04:28.000 Very controversial.

00:04:29.000 So with all controversial ingredients, all the controversial ingredients, Supplements that we sell at Onnit.

00:04:34.000 We have a 100% money back guarantee.

00:04:37.000 You don't have to return the pills.

00:04:38.000 The first 30 pills you buy, first bottle, you have 90 days.

00:04:41.000 Try it. 0.90

00:04:42.000 If you say it sucks, you get your money back. 0.98

00:04:44.000 It's that simple. 1.00

00:04:45.000 And the idea being that we're only selling you some shit that we know works. 0.99

00:04:48.000 There's scientific data behind it. 0.99

00:04:50.000 I use it.

00:04:51.000 Aubrey, who's my partner and CEO of Onnit, he uses it.

00:04:56.000 A ton of athletes use it, including Bodie Miller, A.J. Hawk, Dudes who know their body very well.

00:05:03.000 You got your own supplements, man? 1.00

00:05:05.000 Fuck yes, son. 1.00

00:05:06.000 You're branching out. 1.00

00:05:07.000 You know what I'm doing, Hannibal Buress.

00:05:09.000 I'm out there trying to spread everything that I learn. 0.98

00:05:13.000 If I find interesting shit, I try to sell it. 0.97

00:05:16.000 That's the way to do it. 0.99

00:05:18.000 It's like ethical economics.

00:05:20.000 Anyway, Onnit.com.

00:05:22.000 Use the code word ROGAN. Save 10% off any and all supplements.

00:05:25.000 That does not apply to strength and conditioning equipment.

00:05:27.000 That's just all expensive.

00:05:29.000 We're selling cannonballs and shipping them through the mail.

00:05:32.000 So go there, enjoy.

00:05:34.000 Hannibal Bress is here.

00:05:35.000 Young Jamie, cue the music. 1.00

00:05:38.000 Oh, you fucked up, son. 1.00

00:05:41.000 iTunes froze. 1.00

00:05:42.000 iTunes froze.

00:05:43.000 Don't be blaming iTunes, man. 0.99

00:05:45.000 It's this fucking computer from the 1990s that I have. 0.99

00:05:48.000 There we go. 0.99

00:05:51.000 The Joe Rogan Experience. 1.00

00:05:53.000 Now people get to see all the stupid shit that's on the list there. 1.00

00:05:55.000 The Joe Rogan Experience. 1.00

00:06:07.000 Ladies and gentlemen, what the fuck? 0.99

00:06:09.000 Hannibal Buress is here, ladies and gentlemen. 1.00

00:06:11.000 What's up?

00:06:12.000 I like meeting a dude who I only know you by your comedy.

00:06:16.000 I actually bought your comedy.

00:06:18.000 I listened to it on the way home from Irvine and laughed my ass off.

00:06:20.000 And then meeting you and just within minutes, we're talking on the air.

00:06:24.000 Yeah.

00:06:24.000 I like that.

00:06:25.000 That's the best way to do it.

00:06:26.000 That's the best way to do it.

00:06:27.000 Yeah, thanks for having me.

00:06:28.000 Hey, thanks for doing it, man.

00:06:29.000 I'm excited that you have products and stuff.

00:06:34.000 That's good to branch out, dude. 0.96

00:06:35.000 Well, it's all shit that I'm interested in. 0.93

00:06:37.000 I just try to get... 0.99

00:06:38.000 I try to keep myself interested.

00:06:41.000 I feel different when I get excited about something.

00:06:44.000 Like a new exercise or a new hobby I'm trying or anything.

00:06:48.000 I get excited when I'm in a new...

00:06:49.000 So I try to spread that as much as I can.

00:06:53.000 Because I try to think...

00:06:53.000 I want to get into other aspects of business.

00:06:56.000 And that's cool that you've done stuff that you're interested in.

00:07:00.000 Because I like comedy.

00:07:01.000 I talk about this in my...

00:07:02.000 I like comedy, but I understand...

00:07:05.000 That is fleeting. 0.99

00:07:07.000 So if everything in comedy went away for you, you got supplements and shit. 0.98

00:07:10.000 Yeah, but I don't think comedy is fleeting. 0.97

00:07:12.000 I think it's one of the least fleeting things ever.

00:07:15.000 We're not fleeting, but I'm just saying...

00:07:16.000 It needs maintenance.

00:07:17.000 It needs maintenance, but the thing is in the business.

00:07:20.000 I'm talking about where stuff might be going well, but then you're not working as much anymore.

00:07:25.000 I got a theory about that, man.

00:07:27.000 What's that? 0.99

00:07:27.000 I think that shit's in the past. 0.99

00:07:29.000 Really? 0.99

00:07:29.000 Yeah, I don't think that's going to happen anymore. 0.99

00:07:31.000 I think guys would go away because they wouldn't get gigs anymore.

00:07:33.000 They wouldn't get television shows.

00:07:35.000 They wouldn't get all these things.

00:07:35.000 But now everybody promotes themselves.

00:07:38.000 Everybody has a Twitter account.

00:07:39.000 Everybody has a website.

00:07:40.000 Everybody, when you get fans now, they know where they can find you.

00:07:44.000 It used to be, if you weren't on television, wait, where did he go?

00:07:47.000 Where's this guy?

00:07:48.000 Where'd he go?

00:07:49.000 He vanished. 0.96

00:07:50.000 You can't just go to his Facebook page and read a blog that he wrote today that's fucking hilarious. 0.99

00:07:54.000 You can't go and watch a YouTube clip that he made when he was fucking around in his backyard with his dog. 0.99

00:07:59.000 That's hilarious. 1.00

00:08:00.000 All that shit is new. 1.00

00:08:02.000 That's confident. 1.00

00:08:03.000 I'm totally 100% confident.

00:08:05.000 I don't think you're going anywhere, Hannibal Buress, but the top Son, you're talented.

00:08:10.000 And then you've inspired me to get my tiny bottles of lotion for hotels business going.

00:08:17.000 Because that's what I'm passionate about.

00:08:19.000 I'm passionate about tiny bottles of lotion.

00:08:21.000 And that seems like a stable business.

00:08:23.000 People use it.

00:08:24.000 I want to get in that.

00:08:24.000 Yeah, people do use it.

00:08:26.000 Someone's got to be selling them that shit. 1.00

00:08:28.000 Yeah! 1.00

00:08:29.000 That's a good point.

00:08:29.000 I want to get into that.

00:08:30.000 And you could maybe have some better smelling stuff.

00:08:31.000 Better smelling stuff and maybe some jokes on the lotion.

00:08:36.000 That's a good idea.

00:08:37.000 Snapple style with lotion.

00:08:38.000 That's a good idea.

00:08:39.000 Not too funny though. 0.93

00:08:40.000 You don't want to do jerking off with your lotion and cracking up. 0.96

00:08:42.000 Nah, yeah, not that type of stuff. 0.97

00:08:44.000 Lose your rhythm.

00:08:45.000 Yeah, you don't want to use...

00:08:46.000 In the middle of it, start laughing.

00:08:49.000 Lose your stroke. 0.98

00:08:50.000 Yeah, when a dude loses his stroke, when you go limp while jerking off, man, those are tough times. 1.00

00:08:55.000 Like, getting it up again while you're jerking off. 0.99

00:08:58.000 Well, that's just struggles. 0.97

00:08:58.000 That's a lot of work. 0.97

00:08:59.000 But that's just, if you focused...

00:09:02.000 If you're really about making it to your goal, then you just power through.

00:09:07.000 That's really what it is.

00:09:08.000 It seems frivolous, but it's really just an exercise in achieving your goals.

00:09:12.000 Yeah, fall down nine times, get up nine times.

00:09:15.000 Why do they say...

00:09:17.000 They say get up 10. They say get up 10. What the fuck are you talking about?

00:09:20.000 Because they're idiots. 1.00

00:09:20.000 Because people who fall down a lot get brain damage. 1.00

00:09:23.000 If you fall down a lot, you hurt your head.

00:09:26.000 You can't just fall down nine times. 1.00

00:09:27.000 You're going to get fucked up, man. 1.00

00:09:29.000 Little kids fall down in their hearts themselves. 1.00

00:09:30.000 What, you're a grown man?

00:09:31.000 You're going to fall down nine times?

00:09:32.000 You're not going to break something?

00:09:33.000 Why are you falling so much?

00:09:34.000 What's up with your balance?

00:09:36.000 Are you getting tackled or are you just straight up falling?

00:09:38.000 You got a bum knee, son?

00:09:39.000 I don't know.

00:09:40.000 You got an ankle weak?

00:09:40.000 You got a weak foot?

00:09:41.000 Yeah, people got to get it together.

00:09:43.000 Fall down nine times, get up ten.

00:09:45.000 What are you saying?

00:09:46.000 Yeah.

00:09:46.000 How does that even work?

00:09:47.000 It doesn't.

00:09:48.000 I don't know.

00:09:48.000 I guess get up in the morning.

00:09:49.000 You count that one.

00:09:50.000 They're counting getting up in the morning.

00:09:52.000 That's what they're counting.

00:09:53.000 Well, you can't count that because you're going to count lying down in bed then, too.

00:09:56.000 That's falling down.

00:09:57.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:09:57.000 You gave up, bitch. 1.00

00:09:58.000 You went to sleep. 1.00

00:09:59.000 Yeah, man. 1.00

00:09:59.000 So basically what I'm saying is fuck that old Dwayne Wade commercial. 1.00

00:10:06.000 That's why I came here, Joe Brogan. 0.99

00:10:08.000 Thank you.

00:10:09.000 I'm glad you're here, man. 1.00

00:10:11.000 Promote Nature Box and say, fuck that stupid commercial. 1.00

00:10:13.000 Yeah, congrats to Nature Box. 1.00

00:10:16.000 That's congrats to them, because this is a pretty new company, right?

00:10:19.000 Or is it?

00:10:19.000 Yeah, I think so.

00:10:20.000 I honestly don't know too much about them other than their stuff tastes good. 0.79

00:10:23.000 Yeah, I mean, I know it's cheesy and old philosophical quote shit, but this was an idea and now it's good and it's here. 0.85

00:10:31.000 Yeah. 0.88

00:10:32.000 Yeah.

00:10:32.000 I like when anybody comes up with anything that's a good idea.

00:10:35.000 Yeah.

00:10:35.000 It's interesting.

00:10:36.000 It's interesting to see new companies sprout out because of the internet, too.

00:10:40.000 Like, there's businesses now.

00:10:41.000 You could have never had a... 0.98

00:10:42.000 Like, today, if you ever want an excuse to start your own business, today's the fucking... 0.98

00:10:46.000 Like, here's this company, Vement Knives. 0.98

00:10:49.000 They make homemade knives.

00:10:50.000 They made me a knife.

00:10:52.000 Yeah.

00:10:52.000 It's a beautiful handcrafted knife.

00:10:53.000 Like, they sent me a video of how they made it.

00:10:56.000 Right.

00:10:56.000 It's beautiful, handcrafted artisanship, you know?

00:11:00.000 I mean, I didn't really need a knife, but it's cool as fuck that somebody would do that, and it's cool as fuck that these guys who are listening to the podcast, they're podcast listeners, they came up with an idea for a company, and they started doing it, and now that's their job. 0.96

00:11:13.000 That's their business. 0.96

00:11:14.000 They don't have to work for anybody.

00:11:15.000 That's awesome. 1.00

00:11:16.000 Making your own shit. 1.00

00:11:18.000 Making knives or whatever. 1.00

00:11:20.000 Making old record players. 0.99

00:11:21.000 Who knows what the fuck you want to make. 0.99

00:11:23.000 What are you going to do with that knife? 1.00

00:11:24.000 That knife?

00:11:25.000 It's gonna sit around my house and look cool. 1.00

00:11:28.000 It's like a trophy wife you never fucked. 1.00

00:11:30.000 You know, one of those? 1.00

00:11:31.000 Just sit around.

00:11:33.000 Look sporty.

00:11:34.000 I'll take it somewhere maybe.

00:11:35.000 I'll take it hunting.

00:11:36.000 If things go horribly wrong, I might need it.

00:11:38.000 You know?

00:11:39.000 You get attacked by something out in the wild, you gotta defend yourself.

00:11:42.000 I have plans.

00:11:43.000 I have strategies in my head. 0.99

00:11:44.000 Like what I would do if a mountain lion jumped me and was fucking me up. 0.99

00:11:48.000 I have like an idea in my head of how I'd fight it with a knife. 0.99

00:11:51.000 Really?

00:11:52.000 As far as where'd you hit it with the knife first, where'd you get it in the face and the gut?

00:11:57.000 You gotta give the animal something to bite onto.

00:11:59.000 That's very important.

00:12:00.000 You gotta put something in front of the animal so that it bites that before it bites you.

00:12:05.000 So it bites the first thing you can get instinctively. 0.96

00:12:08.000 That's when you stab it in the neck. 0.97

00:12:10.000 That's what I'm seeing. 1.00

00:12:11.000 That's a great strategy.

00:12:12.000 I think that's the only strategy.

00:12:13.000 You've got to be willing to sacrifice one of your arms though. 0.99

00:12:15.000 Your arm's going to get mauled to shit. 1.00

00:12:17.000 It's going to be useless. 1.00

00:12:18.000 My strategy, because I'm pretty logical, but at times I'm irrational and delusional.

00:12:23.000 So I think that I can knock out a mountain lion with a two-hit combo.

00:12:27.000 A two-hit combo?

00:12:28.000 A mountain lion, I hit him with the right, hit him with the left, and I'm stepping back.

00:12:31.000 Dude, you got mad confidence in your punching power. 0.52

00:12:35.000 I don't know if you can knock out even a house cat.

00:12:38.000 You ever try to knock out a house cat? 1.00

00:12:40.000 A house cat can take a fucking tremendous punch. 0.99

00:12:43.000 Really? 1.00

00:12:44.000 It's very rare they go out.

00:12:45.000 How do you know that?

00:12:45.000 Well, I never punched a cat, but I did watch a cat jump from a tree.

00:12:49.000 You got stuck in a tree. 0.99

00:12:51.000 I mean, this fucking cat must have fallen like 30 feet. 1.00

00:12:54.000 Hit the ground, BAM, and started running. 1.00

00:12:57.000 I mean, it was unbelievable.

00:12:58.000 I thought the cat was dead for sure.

00:13:00.000 I was watching the cat fall.

00:13:01.000 It just started running?

00:13:02.000 Yeah, that is pretty.

00:13:02.000 It hit the ground.

00:13:03.000 It's a video.

00:13:04.000 It's a video of it on YouTube.

00:13:04.000 I saw it online.

00:13:06.000 The cat hits the ground and fucking takes off at a full clip. 1.00

00:13:10.000 Doesn't go, whoa, hold up, what the fuck just happened? 0.99

00:13:12.000 The cat fell 30 feet, which is approximately like, what would that be for a person? 0.99

00:13:16.000 I don't know.

00:13:17.000 A six foot tall person falling 30 feet.

00:13:20.000 That's terrible compared to a cat.

00:13:22.000 A cat is four inches high and fell that far, and it was fine.

00:13:26.000 That's crazy, because I can't even walk right away if I have a huge fart.

00:13:31.000 I still kinda gotta, I can't, I gotta, it's a little bit, yeah.

00:13:35.000 You get shaky.

00:13:36.000 You get shaky, your body gets taken over.

00:13:37.000 No confidence in your legs.

00:13:38.000 Yeah.

00:13:39.000 So good for that cat, for just being...

00:13:41.000 Well, I think they have really flexible bones, don't they?

00:13:44.000 Cats, cats like, they, uh...

00:13:47.000 You know, they're built different than us.

00:13:49.000 Yeah.

00:13:49.000 They can definitely take impacts.

00:13:51.000 We can't.

00:13:52.000 My point is, I don't think the left-right's going to work.

00:13:54.000 I don't think it would.

00:13:55.000 You might have to get the tie clenched with the knees.

00:13:57.000 Yeah.

00:13:58.000 I don't know those techniques.

00:14:02.000 Yeah, here's the cat. 1.00

00:14:03.000 Watch this fucking cat. 1.00

00:14:04.000 This cat falls out of this fucking tree, man. 1.00

00:14:06.000 You're like, that cat's dead, right? 1.00

00:14:07.000 Okay, first of all, I said 30 feet. 1.00

00:14:09.000 That shit's way higher than 30 feet. 0.99

00:14:11.000 I said 80 feet. 1.00

00:14:12.000 Look at that.

00:14:12.000 Boom, and then see ya, and the cat runs off.

00:14:15.000 Wow.

00:14:15.000 80 feet.

00:14:16.000 The cat fell 80 feet.

00:14:17.000 Okay, that's just a different thing.

00:14:19.000 They're just way different than us.

00:14:21.000 Look at that cat's fine.

00:14:22.000 Nah, that cat is broken up, but it's in shock.

00:14:26.000 You might be right.

00:14:28.000 You might be right. 1.00

00:14:29.000 I mean, look at that shit, though, man. 1.00

00:14:31.000 Oof. 1.00

00:14:32.000 Did it fall on its back?

00:14:32.000 Look, it fell on its back.

00:14:34.000 Yeah, that's shocked. 1.00

00:14:35.000 That's a shitty cat. 0.99

00:14:35.000 That cat is broken up. 0.99

00:14:36.000 That's a shitty cat. 1.00

00:14:37.000 I thought cats always fell on their fucking legs. 1.00

00:14:40.000 That cat had human, like, self-consciousness where, you know how we fall, like, I'm cool, I'm cool. 0.99

00:14:46.000 That's what that cat was doing.

00:14:47.000 That cat is not fine.

00:14:48.000 I think you're probably right.

00:14:50.000 Did you notice it hit the branches on the way down?

00:14:52.000 I bet it got knocked the fuck out.

00:14:53.000 I bet that's what happened. 0.96

00:14:54.000 I bet it got dazed.

00:14:56.000 It probably cracked one of those branches, and then maybe that's what helped it survive.

00:15:01.000 Maybe getting KO'd by the branch.

00:15:03.000 Like, watch this.

00:15:04.000 Whap! 0.99

00:15:06.000 Oh, man.

00:15:08.000 Did it hit a branch?

00:15:09.000 Yeah, it did.

00:15:09.000 Yeah.

00:15:10.000 I wonder what part hit the branch.

00:15:12.000 And then they ran under the car?

00:15:14.000 Yeah, bolted.

00:15:16.000 Okay, that's good.

00:15:17.000 Bank!

00:15:17.000 Yeah, yeah, see it?

00:15:18.000 Bam! 0.98

00:15:18.000 Yeah, it definitely hit that tree. 0.98

00:15:20.000 At least it looks like it in that perspective.

00:15:22.000 Poor cat.

00:15:23.000 Anyway, he's fine.

00:15:24.000 A mountain lion's like that, but bigger. 0.91

00:15:26.000 In fact, they say that, like, house cats and mountain lions are very similar in their amount of power, you know, like what they can generate per pound of body weight, which is pretty fucking crazy. 0.98

00:15:37.000 When you think that a mountain lion is out there running around, like a 50 pound mountain lion would fucking kill you easy then. 0.98

00:15:43.000 Yeah, that would be a bummer way to die. 0.99

00:15:45.000 Do you go in the woods and hunt and stuff like that?

00:15:47.000 Yeah.

00:15:47.000 Yeah?

00:15:48.000 Yeah, I've been doing that recently.

00:15:50.000 But when you go in the woods hunting, you're armed.

00:15:52.000 Yeah.

00:15:53.000 You know, you're not worried nearly as much as if you're hiking.

00:15:55.000 You go in California or where you go?

00:15:57.000 No.

00:15:57.000 Well, I've been pig hunting in California.

00:15:59.000 I went wild pig hunting.

00:16:00.000 Did once.

00:16:02.000 But I've been in Wisconsin and Montana.

00:16:06.000 Montana's been the only place I camped outside.

00:16:09.000 And do you have a hunting crew?

00:16:10.000 Is it other comics?

00:16:12.000 I went with Brian Callen.

00:16:14.000 I went with him twice.

00:16:16.000 We didn't go pig hunting together.

00:16:17.000 I went with another guy.

00:16:18.000 There's a guy named Steve Rinella.

00:16:21.000 He's got this TV show called Meat Eater.

00:16:24.000 He's a hunter.

00:16:25.000 He took us hunting.

00:16:26.000 I got hooked on it.

00:16:27.000 Really? 1.00

00:16:28.000 Dude, it's fascinating shit. 1.00

00:16:29.000 Do you eat the stuff you hunted? 1.00

00:16:31.000 Yeah.

00:16:31.000 I'm trying to only eat that.

00:16:33.000 That's what I'm trying to do.

00:16:34.000 Because it's fresh and non-processed?

00:16:35.000 Yeah.

00:16:36.000 I mean, it's 100% organic.

00:16:39.000 Except for the lead. 0.98

00:16:40.000 Yeah, you don't have to keep showing that pig. 1.00

00:16:42.000 That's the pig I murdered. 1.00

00:16:43.000 That's a photo of the pig. 1.00

00:16:45.000 I murdered it. 0.99

00:16:46.000 You can't say murder because it's not a person. 0.97

00:16:48.000 You're supposed to say harvest.

00:16:49.000 Harvest makes it sound better.

00:16:51.000 That's what they like.

00:16:52.000 Really?

00:16:52.000 You're killing an animal.

00:16:53.000 But you're killing an animal every time you eat a ham sandwich.

00:16:55.000 You harvest tomatoes.

00:16:57.000 Yeah, well they think of it as crops.

00:16:59.000 Not as crops, but as something you're getting out of the earth.

00:17:02.000 You're harvesting an animal from the earth, bringing it home and eating it.

00:17:05.000 I'm trying to only eat that at home.

00:17:08.000 You know, I just think there's a lot of bad karma attached to factory farming.

00:17:13.000 I just think, I like meat.

00:17:15.000 I don't want to give up the idea of eating meat, but when you watch those PETA videos, and people can say all they want about that's a fraction of those animals.

00:17:31.000 We're good to go.

00:17:46.000 If you go anywhere near those cows, those cows freak out. 0.66

00:17:49.000 You know why?

00:17:49.000 Because they know we're killers.

00:17:51.000 And we're going to eat them eventually. 0.99

00:17:52.000 And they're trapped in this cage.

00:17:53.000 The idea that it's way better is better.

00:17:56.000 It's definitely better.

00:17:57.000 Most of the time it's better.

00:17:58.000 But it's still a freak out.

00:18:00.000 They're still trapped.

00:18:02.000 Well...

00:18:04.000 That's the lot in life they took, you know?

00:18:06.000 They were given that lot in life.

00:18:08.000 That's a sucky lot in life.

00:18:09.000 It is.

00:18:10.000 But so you just don't...

00:18:13.000 Because hunting is just doing the same thing but on a more base level, just on a smaller level.

00:18:20.000 In a way, yeah.

00:18:21.000 You're just doing it.

00:18:22.000 I mean, you're cutting out the middleman and you're cutting out...

00:18:25.000 You cut out the middle man and the animal's living completely wild. 0.99

00:18:28.000 There's like a concept behind hunting that certain types of people do.

00:18:31.000 It's called fair chase.

00:18:32.000 And what that means is that you're not dealing with a fenced-in environment.

00:18:36.000 That you're only hunting an animal that's truly wild.

00:18:40.000 A wild animal that can go wherever it wants.

00:18:41.000 So in order to harvest this animal, you have to figure out how to get close enough to it.

00:18:47.000 You gotta stalk it.

00:18:48.000 You gotta, you know, you gotta understand where the wind's blowing.

00:18:51.000 Like, there's a lot of factors involved.

00:18:53.000 And when you take that animal, most likely, that animal would not have even known you existed until it died.

00:18:58.000 Like, out of nowhere, it just dies.

00:19:00.000 Right.

00:19:00.000 And it's the most ethical way.

00:19:02.000 But that animal's still scared as fuck if it sees a person. 0.99

00:19:05.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:19:05.000 The reason being, because there's people like me that'll shoot it. 0.99

00:19:08.000 Right.

00:19:09.000 No, I see that, whereas Nat being, you know, just chilling out, waiting to, and it hasn't just seen its friends be slaughtered and hung up.

00:19:17.000 Yeah, it's not trapped.

00:19:18.000 It's a wild animal.

00:19:19.000 You're going out and getting a wild animal.

00:19:21.000 But it's also a wild animal that most of the time they're aware of people.

00:19:25.000 They don't want to be anywhere near us. 0.99

00:19:27.000 The real tripper is when you can go and you can see a wild animal that probably never saw a fucking human being. 0.99

00:19:33.000 Like go up to the Yukon or some shit. 0.99

00:19:35.000 Yeah. 0.97

00:19:37.000 And then they freak out or they... 1.00

00:19:38.000 They don't even know what the fuck you are. 0.99

00:19:40.000 Like caribou? 1.00

00:19:41.000 Caribou will just look at you like, what the fuck is this? 1.00

00:19:43.000 Sometimes antelopes will come towards people because they don't know what the fuck they are. 1.00

00:19:47.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:19:48.000 They're like, what the fuck are you? 1.00

00:19:49.000 I've never seen one of you before. 1.00

00:19:50.000 And then, booyah! 0.99

00:19:52.000 Point blank.

00:19:53.000 Yeah.

00:19:54.000 Well, not that close.

00:19:55.000 They don't get that close, but they will look at you.

00:19:58.000 But sometimes antelopes have encountered people and sometimes caribou have encountered people.

00:20:01.000 And once they've encountered people, they get way touchier.

00:20:04.000 Yeah.

00:20:05.000 Do you have a catchphrase when you hunt?

00:20:08.000 When you hit one?

00:20:10.000 I need one.

00:20:12.000 Booyah! 0.99

00:20:13.000 Booyah, is that it?

00:20:14.000 Blam, blam, we eating ham!

00:20:20.000 That's awesome.

00:20:21.000 You need a catchphrase.

00:20:22.000 That's the perfect one for pig hunting. 0.99

00:20:24.000 That is the perfect one.

00:20:25.000 I'm actually in the process of brining a ham right now that I'm going to smoke.

00:20:31.000 I bought a smoker.

00:20:32.000 Brining means soak it in?

00:20:34.000 It's soaked in salt and brown sugar.

00:20:37.000 Okay.

00:20:37.000 And it's been soaking in this brine for like five days.

00:20:42.000 Wow.

00:20:43.000 And I'm going to smoke it tomorrow.

00:20:45.000 Yeah.

00:20:46.000 That's awesome, man.

00:20:48.000 It's a new thing I'm into.

00:20:49.000 That's great, dude.

00:20:50.000 It's fun.

00:20:51.000 I eat almost exclusively delivery, so we lead opposite lives.

00:20:56.000 Totally opposite lives.

00:20:57.000 Well, I love delivery, don't get me wrong.

00:21:00.000 Delivery is one of the greatest things ever.

00:21:02.000 You can sit in your house and someone can bring you delicious food.

00:21:04.000 Yeah, but yeah, we're at the opposite spectrums of eating.

00:21:09.000 Not only as a middleman, but there's a lot of other steps where somebody's bringing it to me.

00:21:15.000 To your house.

00:21:15.000 You're not even going to the restaurant.

00:21:17.000 I'm using an app to do it.

00:21:18.000 I'm using Seamless Web to do it.

00:21:20.000 And that's going to the restaurant.

00:21:21.000 The restaurant's getting the food from somewhere.

00:21:23.000 Then they're making the food and bringing it to me. 1.00

00:21:26.000 And you're actually going and shooting pigs in the face. 0.99

00:21:31.000 You don't want to shoot them in the face. 1.00

00:21:32.000 I know that. 0.79

00:21:33.000 Well, you do, but you don't want to miss them. 1.00

00:21:35.000 You know, if you could just shoot them in the head, that'd be ideal. 1.00

00:21:38.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:21:39.000 The face is the head.

00:21:40.000 Yeah, you're right.

00:21:41.000 What you mean, side of the head?

00:21:42.000 No, you really want to go for the heart and the lungs.

00:21:44.000 You go for the body.

00:21:45.000 That's how you usually stop them. 0.89

00:21:48.000 Because you can miss the head and graze their nose and blow their face off.

00:21:51.000 That happens sometimes.

00:21:52.000 Like deer get their face blown off.

00:21:54.000 Someone tries for a headshot and they miss.

00:21:55.000 And then the animal's still running around with half a face.

00:21:58.000 Well, I was just trying to be funny, Jeff.

00:22:05.000 Me too.

00:22:05.000 I just failed.

00:22:06.000 My part failed.

00:22:09.000 Do you think you could ever do it?

00:22:11.000 You ever thought about going hunting?

00:22:12.000 I think I could...

00:22:14.000 I don't know.

00:22:14.000 I'm not a patient person.

00:22:16.000 I'm very...

00:22:16.000 I need stuff to happen right away.

00:22:20.000 Right.

00:22:20.000 So, yeah, I don't know.

00:22:22.000 I actually...

00:22:23.000 Only time I've ever...

00:22:24.000 It was in Mississippi when I was a kid.

00:22:27.000 My aunt stayed in the country.

00:22:29.000 I sold in Mississippi.

00:22:30.000 It was a small town.

00:22:31.000 It was very country.

00:22:32.000 So there were wild hogs around there.

00:22:34.000 And I had a shotgun and I was able to shoot one shot off at a pig and I missed.

00:22:39.000 So that was my only...

00:22:41.000 That was my only experience with hunting.

00:22:44.000 I fished once and caught a fish, and that was pretty cool.

00:22:47.000 But yeah, maybe I could do it.

00:22:49.000 It would be a different experience just to...

00:22:52.000 Being in that type of life and just knowing that there's people that do that a lot, just seeing that type of the world.

00:23:00.000 For my pilot for Comedy Central, I worked on a goat farm, actually, where they milked the goats.

00:23:08.000 They sell goat milk and everything there, and they got the billy goats.

00:23:14.000 It was really different just being in that In that environment, where these people, this is what they do for a living, and they just live off goats.

00:23:27.000 They milk goats, they got goat cheese, they got goat lip balm, and this crazy thing.

00:23:33.000 So that was real cool.

00:23:35.000 So I am interested in that world.

00:23:36.000 I don't know if I could probably visit it.

00:23:40.000 You're urbanized?

00:23:41.000 Yeah, I'm urbanized to the core, I think.

00:23:43.000 Maybe older, you know, maybe when I get older, I would, you know, try some different stuff and do it for an extended amount of time, but right now, I'm pretty comfortable.

00:23:51.000 Yeah, no, look, cities are definitely an awesome invention.

00:23:55.000 Yeah.

00:23:55.000 What a great idea to cut all that nonsense out.

00:23:58.000 Yeah.

00:23:58.000 But the thing I found about it is that nonsense, or the hunting and fishing, too, they're fun.

00:24:03.000 Yeah.

00:24:03.000 They're fun on some weird, visceral level.

00:24:06.000 It's fun, yeah.

00:24:07.000 Yeah.

00:24:07.000 Yeah, it probably feels good to go through that, where you kill the animal, you do the skinning, and you make it.

00:24:15.000 Yeah.

00:24:16.000 You did it all.

00:24:17.000 It has to feel, yeah, real fulfilling.

00:24:19.000 And, you know, that's, I mean, that's what we used to do as humans.

00:24:23.000 Do you think you'd be interested in going hunting on a TV show?

00:24:26.000 Would you be interested in doing it?

00:24:28.000 Probably.

00:24:29.000 Yeah, I'd go hunting on a TV show.

00:24:30.000 I think that's a great idea for a show.

00:24:32.000 I think that's the next show.

00:24:33.000 I mean, like Steve Rinello, this guy from the host of Media and I have been trying to think of a show.

00:24:37.000 Yeah.

00:24:37.000 I think the show is Taking Comedians Hunting.

00:24:42.000 I think that's...

00:24:43.000 Look, that's something that...

00:24:45.000 It's a very controversial thing, too, you know?

00:24:47.000 Really?

00:24:48.000 I mean, I don't find it...

00:24:49.000 I think if you're a meat eater, you can't really find it...

00:24:52.000 If you're a meat eater.

00:24:53.000 Controversial.

00:24:54.000 What you talking about for vegetarians? 0.97

00:24:56.000 Vegetarians have an issue with it, but really, dummies. 1.00

00:24:59.000 It's very controversial with dummies. 0.94

00:25:01.000 You know, dummies love to knee-jerk on that. 1.00

00:25:03.000 Like, oh, you want to shoot an animal? 1.00

00:25:05.000 Is that what you want to do? 1.00

00:25:06.000 You want to kill animals? 0.99

00:25:07.000 You badass? 1.00

00:25:08.000 If you're really a badass, why don't you use a knife? 0.87

00:25:11.000 Like, they'll say something.

00:25:12.000 Why don't you use your bare hands? 0.99

00:25:13.000 Yeah, because you'd fucking lose. 1.00

00:25:15.000 Oh, bitch, what team are you on? 1.00

00:25:17.000 People are interested in that. 1.00

00:25:20.000 You know what's funny?

00:25:21.000 Not a vegetarian debate, but my girlfriend is vegetarian and kosher, but eats fish. 1.00

00:25:30.000 Huh.

00:25:31.000 And I try to say, that's not true vegetarian.

00:25:34.000 At all.

00:25:35.000 It eats salmon.

00:25:36.000 And then only certain types of fish, though.

00:25:38.000 Like wild fish?

00:25:39.000 Only kosher fish.

00:25:40.000 Only kosher fish. 0.99

00:25:41.000 Oh, she's crazy. 0.96

00:25:42.000 You gotta get away from her. 0.97

00:25:43.000 No, she's good.

00:25:45.000 That's voodoo. 0.99

00:25:46.000 Kosher is voodoo. 0.99

00:25:47.000 Do you know who that is?

00:25:48.000 It's voodoo. 0.98

00:25:49.000 I try to say, like, that's old rules. 1.00

00:25:52.000 It's so dumb. 0.87

00:25:52.000 Why don't they update it? 0.87

00:25:53.000 Well, you know, they use that as, like, in certain slaughterhouses, they have to have a rabbi come, and they have to use a knife. 0.62

00:26:00.000 Like, in the slaughterhouse, we filmed Fear Factor in a slaughterhouse, and that was the first time in my life that I recognized very clearly that places...

00:26:11.000 Yeah.

00:26:27.000 Yeah.

00:26:27.000 You feel it.

00:26:28.000 You could feel it. 0.99

00:26:29.000 You feel weird shit in that place. 0.99

00:26:32.000 You're walking around. 0.99

00:26:32.000 It might be psychological, but it might also be that place is still buzzing with a million fucking slaughtered cows, freakouts, because it feels like it. 0.99

00:26:42.000 It feels like a spot where if you came around that spot, if you were in the old school Game of Thrones days, and you came over a hill and you went, stop, why does this place feel fucking shitty? 0.97

00:26:51.000 What happened here?

00:26:53.000 Well, Joe, that feeling also could have been, man, I'm about to make strangers eat bugs.

00:26:59.000 There was no eating bugs.

00:27:00.000 It was a simple task.

00:27:01.000 They had to dunk their head into vats of blood and pull out cow hearts with their teeth. 1.00

00:27:07.000 But you felt the vibe of that place? 1.00

00:27:09.000 I'm probably full of shit. 1.00

00:27:10.000 I know I was high as fuck. 1.00

00:27:14.000 So, I might have just been tricking myself into thinking, a lot of people get mad sometimes at what I say, you know, you fucking, that doesn't make any sense. 1.00

00:27:22.000 Shit, doesn't even make sense to me. 1.00

00:27:23.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:27:23.000 Relax. 1.00

00:27:24.000 Yeah, people get upset about opinions.

00:27:27.000 It's easy to, you have to kind of, people, you got to take yourself out of yourself sometimes.

00:27:32.000 Remember like, oh yeah, that's just a person saying stuff, like, You also got to be able to poke holes in your own theories.

00:27:38.000 You have to.

00:27:38.000 Like, right there.

00:27:39.000 Like, I'm telling you, I felt this weird, crazy thing.

00:27:41.000 But the reality is, I was highly, highly lit up on marijuana.

00:27:46.000 I mean, I was lit up.

00:27:47.000 You used to shoot that show high? 1.00

00:27:48.000 I would do every episode high as fuck. 0.99

00:27:50.000 So high sometimes that I forget how to talk right. 0.99

00:27:54.000 It was the only way I could do it and enjoy it.

00:27:56.000 It was so preposterous.

00:27:58.000 After eight or nine episodes, I was like, wow, this is the most...

00:28:01.000 And I was like, goddammit, this show is going to stay on TV. On one hand, I definitely wanted it to stay on TV. It was great.

00:28:09.000 Great job.

00:28:10.000 A lot of nice people I worked with.

00:28:11.000 The money was great.

00:28:12.000 NBC was great.

00:28:13.000 But on the other hand, I'm like, oh my god, how can I keep doing this?

00:28:16.000 I don't know if I can keep doing this.

00:28:18.000 So it was like a beautiful job.

00:28:21.000 But a job.

00:28:22.000 But a job that I could do high.

00:28:23.000 Right.

00:28:23.000 Then it became fun.

00:28:25.000 Once I could do it high.

00:28:26.000 That's funny.

00:28:27.000 I never smoked weed before TV appearances, anything on TV. But people think I'm high on TV all the time.

00:28:35.000 Well, if you got tested, you would be high.

00:28:38.000 I think what you're talking about is like intoxicated or affected.

00:28:43.000 There's two different things.

00:28:46.000 You know what I'm saying?

00:28:48.000 No!

00:28:48.000 I'm always affected by weed.

00:28:50.000 Always.

00:28:50.000 Yeah.

00:28:51.000 Like, basically medicated by weed.

00:28:53.000 But I'm not always high.

00:28:55.000 Right.

00:28:55.000 But I'm affected.

00:28:56.000 You mean because you might have smoked a couple days ago or something like that?

00:28:59.000 Even a day ago.

00:29:01.000 Two days ago.

00:29:02.000 I'm talking, like, when I... Because there was a period where I really didn't even smoke weed for a few years.

00:29:06.000 And even then, people would say, are you high on stage?

00:29:08.000 Are you high right now?

00:29:10.000 Like, are you...

00:29:11.000 Well, you have a stoner style of comedy in a lot of ways.

00:29:15.000 It sounds like a negative, but it's a positive.

00:29:19.000 You're a thinking comedian.

00:29:21.000 You're a really funny writer.

00:29:22.000 You take really hilarious, absurd turns in your comedy.

00:29:27.000 It's fun to listen to. 1.00

00:29:29.000 So when you hear that, you go, oh, this guy's high as fuck. 0.99

00:29:31.000 He's coming up with a shot. 0.99

00:29:32.000 I guess I get annoyed because I'm like, if I was high, do you know how bad this would be?

00:29:38.000 If I was happy, what's up with all these lights?

00:29:41.000 Who's that?

00:29:41.000 What are you looking at me for?

00:29:42.000 Why is he staring at me?

00:29:43.000 Why is that guy with the camera staring at me?

00:29:45.000 Or you'd get used to it and it would be like everything else.

00:29:49.000 I guess so.

00:29:49.000 The first time I ever got high on stage, it was like skiing downhill when you don't know how to stop.

00:29:54.000 It worked.

00:29:55.000 I made it to the bottom.

00:29:56.000 I didn't crash.

00:29:57.000 It was like one of my best sets ever, but I didn't do it again for like 10 years.

00:30:01.000 I was terrified.

00:30:02.000 I was terrified.

00:30:04.000 I just got high with some friends and never quite sobered up. 0.99

00:30:07.000 And then I'm like, shit, I gotta go do comedy. 0.98

00:30:09.000 And I went on stage just... 0.99

00:30:12.000 Accidentally high.

00:30:13.000 Yeah.

00:30:13.000 It was great, but I was terrified.

00:30:15.000 I've done it slightly high recently, but I can't be...

00:30:19.000 Blitzed.

00:30:20.000 I can't be blazed.

00:30:21.000 If I'm blazed...

00:30:22.000 If I'm too blazed, I just gotta leave.

00:30:24.000 If it's a public place, a bunch of people...

00:30:27.000 If I'm too late, I'm like, alright, see y'all later.

00:30:29.000 I'm going home to my safe place. 0.99

00:30:32.000 There's definitely times when you can fuck up. 0.98

00:30:35.000 There was a professional jiu-jitsu tournament that I went to that a friend of mine was competing in, and we went to watch him and support him. 0.98

00:30:43.000 And after the jiu-jitsu tournament, we went backstage, and we were...

00:30:51.000 We were all on these pot edibles that this friend had given us.

00:30:54.000 And they were pills.

00:30:56.000 And my friend said, only take one.

00:30:59.000 Don't take two.

00:31:00.000 I listened to him.

00:31:01.000 I took one.

00:31:01.000 My friend Eddie took two.

00:31:03.000 Eddie Bravo took two.

00:31:04.000 And I was talking to this dude.

00:31:06.000 And I was just...

00:31:08.000 Way too high to be talking to anybody. 0.98

00:31:11.000 And the dude that I was talking to is just a straight killer. 0.99

00:31:14.000 He's a weird killer. 0.97

00:31:15.000 He's a guy that had a reputation. 0.96

00:31:16.000 He got in a street fight and actually killed a guy with a triangle.

00:31:20.000 They had to revive the guy.

00:31:22.000 He held on to the triangle.

00:31:23.000 They got in an altercation on the side of a highway.

00:31:25.000 He got out.

00:31:27.000 I think his friend fought the guy first, and then he fought the guy.

00:31:32.000 I don't know the whole story.

00:31:33.000 So it was one of those regular fight...

00:31:35.000 Where the guy was a regular...

00:31:37.000 One person was trying to square up like a regular person, and the other person was like, I fight for a living.

00:31:42.000 Exactly.

00:31:43.000 I don't want to say the dude's name, because he wound up actually going to jail for rape. 0.99

00:31:49.000 He raped some chick, allegedly. 0.70

00:31:52.000 I mean, I don't know what happened, but he got arrested for... 0.99

00:31:54.000 Now all of your fans...

00:31:56.000 Well, I mean, I don't...

00:31:58.000 I don't know what happened, but I do know that the guy, he actually had to skip town.

00:32:04.000 He took off, and then they caught him because he was doing jiu-jitsu.

00:32:08.000 He couldn't stop doing jiu-jitsu. 0.99

00:32:10.000 He loved jiu-jitsu so much that he went to a gym, and he was strangling motherfuckers, and people couldn't believe how good he was. 0.98

00:32:17.000 And there's a certain level where when you get to a brown belt level or a black belt level, some guy can manhandle you. 0.98

00:32:24.000 You're like, who is this guy?

00:32:25.000 Like, this is something crazy.

00:32:27.000 Like, have you competed before?

00:32:29.000 Like, who are you?

00:32:30.000 Like, why are you so good?

00:32:31.000 This guy was just that good.

00:32:33.000 He was just strangling all these people, so it arose a bunch of suspicion.

00:32:35.000 So they checked out his name, and they're like, wow, that's that dude wanted for rape.

00:32:39.000 Oh, man.

00:32:40.000 So I'm there... 1.00

00:32:42.000 Super high as fuck before the rape charge. 1.00

00:32:44.000 Super high as fuck talking to this guy. 1.00

00:32:46.000 And I'm like, man, something is wrong with this motherfucker. 1.00

00:32:48.000 I'm like picking up a vibration. 1.00

00:32:51.000 A vibration in his soul. 1.00

00:32:53.000 He's willing to go to dark places if you fuck with him. 1.00

00:32:55.000 Like this is the wrong dude to fuck with. 1.00

00:32:57.000 And then a couple months later, he's running from the police doing jujitsu as a nom de pleur. 1.00

00:33:04.000 Damn. 0.99

00:33:05.000 That's crazy. 1.00

00:33:06.000 I love it so much.

00:33:08.000 I can't not do it.

00:33:10.000 It's like, once you get really good at it, it becomes like a video game.

00:33:14.000 But imagine if you could play a video game in real life where you actually get to do all the killing.

00:33:19.000 And the other guys really don't even have a good shot at killing you.

00:33:22.000 Go ahead, try. 0.99

00:33:23.000 Try to choke me.

00:33:24.000 That's how good this guy was.

00:33:25.000 He was world class.

00:33:27.000 So he couldn't resist.

00:33:29.000 He wanted to go there and just strangle a bunch of men.

00:33:34.000 I don't know what it was. 0.99

00:33:35.000 Somebody might have fucked with him when he was young and he never forgot it. 0.98

00:33:38.000 And he, you know... 0.99

00:33:39.000 That happens to a lot of guys. 1.00

00:33:41.000 They have childhood abuse, somebody kicks their ass when they're a kid, and they just become this fucking savage because of that. 0.99

00:33:47.000 They develop that defensive mechanism, you know? 1.00

00:33:50.000 I enjoy fighting, but when I watch it, if fighting comes on...

00:33:54.000 You enjoy watching it.

00:33:55.000 I enjoy watching it, yeah.

00:33:56.000 I enjoy watching, fighting, MMA or boxing, but just because it's fascinating.

00:34:01.000 Like, yo, these dudes attack each other for a living.

00:34:04.000 Like, that's all they do. 1.00

00:34:07.000 Damn. 0.99

00:34:07.000 It's a hard way to make a living. 0.99

00:34:09.000 Like, watching dudes.

00:34:11.000 Like, that's crazy.

00:34:13.000 This is my dream.

00:34:14.000 This is what I want to do.

00:34:15.000 I want to fight people.

00:34:16.000 And I'm willing to take the chance that I might get knocked out in front of thousands of people and millions watching at home.

00:34:23.000 I don't often recommend people get high before sporting events.

00:34:26.000 But if there's a sporting event, you should definitely get high at least once and be there live.

00:34:30.000 It's a UFC. Yeah.

00:34:32.000 Oh, man.

00:34:33.000 Yeah.

00:34:33.000 My friends do it all the time, you know, especially in places like California where it's legal.

00:34:38.000 Yeah.

00:34:38.000 They're not really interested in breaking any laws.

00:34:40.000 Right.

00:34:41.000 Colorado, where it's legal.

00:34:42.000 Washington State, where it's legal.

00:34:44.000 Washington State, last time we went up there, you could smell weed all throughout the place.

00:34:47.000 Really?

00:34:47.000 We walked out, stunk weed.

00:34:48.000 In the state?

00:34:49.000 Yeah, Vancouver, too.

00:34:50.000 You go up to...

00:34:51.000 There's a UFC in Vancouver.

00:34:53.000 The whole place smells like weed.

00:34:54.000 People just light up.

00:34:55.000 They just keep it low and light up right in the stands. 1.00

00:34:57.000 Fuck it. 1.00

00:34:58.000 Yeah, man, just to, I mean, watching, probably watching somebody get knocked out high would be crazy to me. 1.00

00:35:04.000 Live? 0.99

00:35:04.000 Yeah, choked out live's crazy, but it's also watching how goddamn good they are. 0.99

00:35:09.000 You know, when you're super tuned in, you know, for people who don't get high, the idea behind it is like, well, yeah, if there's something you should get drunk and go do, it's go get drunk and watch the Super Bowl. 0.96

00:35:19.000 Duh! 1.00

00:35:19.000 You know, that's a stupid thing to say. 1.00

00:35:21.000 But when I'm saying get high and watch mixed martial arts, you don't have to watch... 0.99

00:35:25.000 UFC, watch some kickboxing.

00:35:27.000 When you watch anything like high-level athletics where two dudes have a lot at stake, which is what it is, you're so tuned in to what they're doing.

00:35:34.000 The whole thing is electrifying.

00:35:36.000 Before I used to work for the UFC, I never do the UFC high, ever.

00:35:40.000 But before I used to work for the UFC, I used to love to get barbecued and watch the fights.

00:35:44.000 It was awesome.

00:35:47.000 The whole thing is such a wild experience, like primal experience.

00:35:53.000 When you're baked, you just...

00:35:55.000 Tune into it.

00:35:58.000 Yeah, it's just a...

00:36:00.000 Man, I couldn't imagine getting just...

00:36:03.000 Well, I've seen some of the highlights of fights where...

00:36:07.000 It's just crazy. 0.99

00:36:08.000 A guy is getting his ass whooped, and all of a sudden, he's whooping out his ass, but getting destroyed. 1.00

00:36:16.000 Not like the guy got a couple punches in, like, this dude is bloody. 0.99

00:36:19.000 He was just getting destroyed, like, oh, he's about to lose.

00:36:21.000 And then all of a sudden, he has this dude in a rear naked choke or something.

00:36:26.000 And the dude is tapping out like, how did that happen?

00:36:28.000 How was he able to take 15 punches to the face?

00:36:32.000 It happens all the time, too.

00:36:33.000 And then still win the fight.

00:36:34.000 There's certain dudes that can just take it.

00:36:37.000 That's one of the things that you learn when you watch MMA. Yeah.

00:36:40.000 All that all men are created equal bullshit, that's a dirty, stinky lie that will fuck you over if you believe it. 1.00

00:36:48.000 All men are not created equal. 1.00

00:36:49.000 Not even a little bit. 0.99

00:36:51.000 There's some dudes that can do shit you can do. 0.94

00:36:54.000 You can't move like Anderson Silva. 0.99

00:36:56.000 Period. 0.99

00:36:57.000 If you're some dude who thinks that all men are created equal, and you get in there with Anderson Silva, that fucking guy moves like he's in another dimension. 0.99

00:37:08.000 Most guys can't handle that. 0.96

00:37:09.000 Okay, but I understand that you exercise your body, your legs, back, arms, abs, chest, you can work that, but how do you make your face strong?

00:37:23.000 A lot of it's genetics.

00:37:24.000 It's genetic.

00:37:25.000 How can you just take punches in the face and not pass out?

00:37:28.000 I can't.

00:37:29.000 I mean, I've been hit in the face many times, but I know I don't like it.

00:37:34.000 And I know I'm not the best at it.

00:37:36.000 I don't like it.

00:37:37.000 Maybe there's a few people that do like it, but I don't like it either.

00:37:39.000 There's some dudes who get fired up by it, but there's some guys that take a shot way better.

00:37:44.000 Yeah.

00:37:46.000 Yeah.

00:37:55.000 Yeah.

00:37:56.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:38:08.000 God damn, those dudes are known for being able to take a shot. 1.00

00:38:11.000 Like David Tua. 1.00

00:38:12.000 You ever see David Tua fight?

00:38:13.000 No.

00:38:14.000 He's a heavyweight boxer who fought.

00:38:16.000 He had crazy potential.

00:38:18.000 He lost to Lennox Lewis when Lennox Lewis was on the top.

00:38:21.000 But David Tua was crushing people.

00:38:24.000 He knocked out John Ruiz.

00:38:26.000 Pull up David Tua versus John Ruiz.

00:38:30.000 This was when they were both contenders before Ruiz won the title.

00:38:35.000 And David Tua knocked him out in one round.

00:38:37.000 David Tua was terrifying because he could hit like a train and his head was like fire hydrant sized.

00:38:44.000 And he could just bang! 0.94

00:38:45.000 He could just take him in the face. 0.99

00:38:47.000 There he is.

00:38:47.000 Which is scary, right?

00:38:49.000 Oh my god.

00:38:51.000 And you see there, Olympic bronze medalist in 92. I mean, he was a serious, serious athlete.

00:38:56.000 So it wasn't just that he could take a great punch.

00:38:59.000 He was also an elite boxer.

00:39:02.000 I mean, David Tua in his prime.

00:39:04.000 He's one of the guys that gets looked past.

00:39:06.000 Like, on any given night, David Tua might have been able to beat everyone in the world.

00:39:11.000 It's just putting together those nights over and over and over again.

00:39:15.000 Look at this.

00:39:15.000 Boom!

00:39:17.000 Ruiz is hurt. 1.00

00:39:18.000 Look at this motherfucker. 1.00

00:39:19.000 Come on, son. 1.00

00:39:20.000 How good was David Tua?

00:39:22.000 Terrifying!

00:39:23.000 That's most embarrassing when half of you is outside of the ring.

00:39:28.000 That's worse than...

00:39:29.000 There's just something more demoralizing about that. 1.00

00:39:32.000 And your wife is there and shit. 1.00

00:39:34.000 Yeah, dude, he got fucked up. 1.00

00:39:36.000 Your kids are crying. 1.00

00:39:37.000 The world was denied David Tua versus Mike Tyson.

00:39:41.000 It's a denial.

00:39:42.000 Like, the world lost something because those two never fought.

00:39:46.000 You know? 0.99

00:39:47.000 I mean, goddamn David Tua was good. 0.98

00:39:51.000 Lennox fought Tyson, but Tyson was already, you know, look at this, he's out cold. 0.97

00:39:55.000 But Tyson was already, you know, past his prime and he had chemical problems then.

00:40:00.000 He was doing coke, apparently.

00:40:02.000 So do you think when, like, say, David Tua was probably heavily favored for that fight, right?

00:40:08.000 I don't know who was favored because John Ruiz is a stud, man.

00:40:11.000 John Ruiz is a, you know, he won the title.

00:40:15.000 He beat some really high-level guys.

00:40:17.000 Like, John Ruiz is a real good boxer.

00:40:19.000 Okay.

00:40:20.000 David Tu just caught him.

00:40:21.000 But I just mean, like, say a fight with Tua is against somebody and Tua is highly favored, but this other guy has his team there, you know, that everybody's hyped.

00:40:31.000 Like, you gotta get him... 0.99

00:40:32.000 But do you think there's people in that team like, man, he's about to get his ass wet? 0.99

00:40:35.000 Of course! 1.00

00:40:36.000 You gotta get rid of those people, man.

00:40:38.000 There's people on your team that will say that to you, man.

00:40:41.000 Don't fight that dude. 1.00

00:40:41.000 You go, what the fuck, man? 1.00

00:40:43.000 You can't say that shit. 1.00

00:40:44.000 You do need to hear that, though. 1.00

00:40:47.000 You do need to hear that.

00:40:49.000 I would want that.

00:40:50.000 You need it.

00:40:51.000 I mean, but it also is a job, too. 0.99

00:40:54.000 Well, he's probably going to whoop my ass, but mortgages do. 0.98

00:40:57.000 There's certain dudes, like, here's a perfect example. 0.99

00:41:01.000 When Vinny Pazienza fought Roy Jones Jr., someone should have pulled Vinny aside and went, listen, dude.

00:41:09.000 Don't fight this guy.

00:41:10.000 This is not the guy for you.

00:41:12.000 Not right now.

00:41:12.000 Did he beat the first round or something?

00:41:14.000 He was the only guy ever, Vinny Pazienza was, to never score a single punch in a round.

00:41:20.000 Ever.

00:41:21.000 Roy Jones hit him at will, and he literally couldn't hit Roy Jones.

00:41:25.000 It was when Roy Jones was in The Matrix.

00:41:27.000 And was dancing and rapping.

00:41:28.000 Roy Jones went through a series of years of...

00:41:32.000 Where everybody was like, oh, he's got no competition, you know, it's too bad there's not another really good fighter.

00:41:38.000 It's not that there's not a really good fighter. 0.93

00:41:40.000 It's just he's so fucking good that he makes everybody else look like they don't belong in there with him. 1.00

00:41:48.000 Guys who in any other era were bad motherfuckers. 1.00

00:41:51.000 Right. 0.99

00:41:51.000 Dude, this is Roy Jones when he was... 0.99

00:41:53.000 He was the best ever.

00:41:55.000 In my opinion, he was the most impressive fighter ever for a period of, you know, a few years.

00:42:00.000 He was nasty.

00:42:01.000 Do you remember his rap song? 0.53

00:42:03.000 Yeah.

00:42:04.000 Y'all must have forgot!

00:42:05.000 Yeah.

00:42:06.000 This is when he finished Pazienza at the end of the fight. 0.99

00:42:09.000 God damn, he was good. 0.98

00:42:11.000 Or is this the first round? 1.00

00:42:12.000 This is the first round.

00:42:13.000 This was when Roy Jones Jr. was...

00:42:15.000 He was literally perfect. 0.99

00:42:16.000 He had reflexes that no one could fuck with. 0.99

00:42:19.000 Completely unorthodox style. 0.99

00:42:20.000 Very rarely used a jab.

00:42:22.000 Used leaping left hooks as much as he used a jab. 0.98

00:42:25.000 It was just so fucking fast, man. 0.92

00:42:28.000 You just couldn't catch up with that rhythm. 0.92

00:42:30.000 His rhythm was so fast. 0.98

00:42:33.000 It would fuck with guys because they'd get in there and you got a certain expectation of how long it's going to take before a guy hits you. 0.98

00:42:40.000 So if you're here and he's here, maybe something could come here. 0.99

00:42:44.000 With Roy Jones, it was... 1.00

00:42:46.000 You'd be like, oh shit. 1.00

00:42:49.000 I can't get away from those. 0.99

00:42:51.000 I don't even know when those are coming.

00:42:54.000 Yeah.

00:42:54.000 I saw, I went to Mayweather Canelo.

00:42:58.000 Oh, that was a masterful work.

00:43:00.000 Yeah.

00:43:01.000 Masterful.

00:43:01.000 I never seen Mayweather live.

00:43:03.000 And I knew he was great, obviously, but when you see him live, you see how fast he is.

00:43:08.000 Like, so much faster.

00:43:09.000 And Canelo's only 21 or something, Mayweather's 37. Yeah.

00:43:13.000 And he was way faster than him and just dodged everything.

00:43:16.000 He anticipated every movie.

00:43:17.000 It was crazy to see how fast and just skilled he was.

00:43:21.000 You know what it also is?

00:43:22.000 It's not just fast.

00:43:24.000 He's really good.

00:43:25.000 Yeah.

00:43:45.000 If you and I were talking and we're having a good conversation, it's because I'm recognizing what you're saying and you're recognizing what I'm saying and we're combining our thoughts together.

00:43:56.000 We're laughing and having some fun.

00:43:58.000 There's like a flow to it.

00:43:59.000 But you could have a conversation with some other person who just...

00:44:02.000 Gets real aggressive with you and you don't want to talk because you're intimidated or you start stuttering in your words because you think this guy's going to bark at you or you're worried that you're saying something wrong because they're being very judgmental towards you.

00:44:18.000 And so then the conversation takes on a completely different flow.

00:44:22.000 Well, that's what fighting is.

00:44:23.000 Fighting is like that.

00:44:24.000 There's movements, and there's movements that get you to react, and then there's recognizing your movements and your patterns and playing off of them, interrupting those patterns, just like when someone's argumentative and they interrupt you in mid-conversation to refute the first couple things you say, and it throws you off.

00:44:40.000 You can't keep...

00:44:41.000 You keep...

00:44:42.000 You try to finish your thought, But it's not the same thought as it was because the guy blocked you.

00:44:46.000 That's like a guy gets hit, but he still tries to punch the guy when the guy's out of range, knowing the guy's out of range, just to let him know.

00:44:53.000 It's really essentially the same thing.

00:44:55.000 So what Mayweather is in his mastery is like a masterful physical conversationalist.

00:45:01.000 He knows how to control the action.

00:45:03.000 That's...

00:45:04.000 That's a weird thing.

00:45:05.000 There's a voodoo to that. 0.96

00:45:07.000 When a guy's at his best, like a Roy Jones in his prime or a Mayweather right now, there's a voodoo to the way they move.

00:45:14.000 You think Mayweather, he won't get beat before he retires, do you think?

00:45:19.000 I worry about him beating himself.

00:45:21.000 I worry about him doing something crazy.

00:45:23.000 You heard what happened with those guys that were working for him?

00:45:26.000 Some jewelry went up missing.

00:45:28.000 He had these guys allegedly.

00:45:30.000 Allegedly. 0.99

00:45:31.000 They got the shit beat out of him. 0.99

00:45:33.000 But now it all seems to go away. 0.99

00:45:36.000 No charges have been filed, which is the right way to handle it.

00:45:38.000 Just...

00:45:39.000 Sorry.

00:45:41.000 Apparently the guys weren't the people who stole the jewelry.

00:45:43.000 But look, I'm hearing 18th hand stories. 0.99

00:45:46.000 I don't know what the fuck really happened. 0.99

00:45:48.000 Yeah. 0.98

00:45:49.000 Let's pretend nothing ever happened.

00:45:51.000 It was a total misunderstanding.

00:45:53.000 What I worry is that something like that would happen, and then he would wind up going to jail again.

00:45:57.000 I just think the guy, if you're a boxing fan, I think he's one of the best ever.

00:46:03.000 As far as an athlete, I think Mayweather's a national hero.

00:46:08.000 I mean, not a national hero, like a national treasure.

00:46:10.000 You know, it's like you should really pay attention to this because this is very rare that a guy is this much better than everybody around him.

00:46:17.000 Nobody can touch him.

00:46:18.000 He's standing in front of a murderous puncher in Canelo Alvarez and Canelo's all frustrated and flustered.

00:46:24.000 He just can't hit the dude.

00:46:26.000 It's just funny. 0.68

00:46:26.000 I always hear people say, Mayweather's arrogant. 0.68

00:46:29.000 Yeah, he's arrogant. 0.91

00:46:30.000 He punches people in the face for a living, and he's never lost it. 0.97

00:46:34.000 And he's not punching regular people in the face.

00:46:36.000 He's punching other people in the face that also punch people in the face for a living. 0.99

00:46:40.000 Yes, he's arrogant. 0.89

00:46:41.000 And he's done it over and over and over for millions of dollars, and that's all he does. 0.75

00:46:45.000 You can't be not arrogant and be that good.

00:46:48.000 You can not display it.

00:46:51.000 Yeah.

00:46:51.000 You can do better at hiding it.

00:46:53.000 But that's tough.

00:46:54.000 But with him, the thing is about hiding it wouldn't be necessarily beneficial financially.

00:47:00.000 Yeah, but it's better to create that persona.

00:47:02.000 People want to see him lose.

00:47:04.000 I think 20-30% of the people that buy a Mayweather ticket are trying to see him lose.

00:47:08.000 I would say more.

00:47:10.000 50?

00:47:10.000 It depends on who he's fighting.

00:47:12.000 Yeah, well yeah, that's true.

00:47:14.000 But I mean, no matter who he's fighting...

00:47:16.000 There was a lot of Mexican flags in the stadium when I was there.

00:47:20.000 That's true, but I think there's some people that pay to see him lose to anybody, whether it's Canelo Alvarez, whether it's Filipinos, whether it's Manny Pacquiao, anybody. 0.99

00:47:29.000 They just want to see this motherfucker lose. 1.00

00:47:31.000 Ricky Hatton! 1.00

00:47:32.000 Here we go!

00:47:34.000 They were so disappointed.

00:47:35.000 The English people thought, this is the guy. 0.99

00:47:37.000 He's going to fucking come over here and beat Floyd Mayweather. 0.99

00:47:39.000 Couldn't even touch that dude. 0.99

00:47:41.000 Hasn't he had a downward spiral since then?

00:47:43.000 Hadn't?

00:47:43.000 Hadn't, yeah.

00:47:44.000 He got knocked out by Pacquiao really bad after Mayweather knocked him out.

00:47:49.000 Mayweather knocked him out, but Mayweather, like, he hit him with a left hook.

00:47:53.000 But he just outboxed him masterfully and then caught him on the chin and wobbled him and then finished him off.

00:47:59.000 But Manny Pacquiao slept him.

00:48:01.000 He caught him after that fight, so it was two bad knockouts, and then he took a lot of time off and started hitting the white. 0.95

00:48:09.000 Yeah, Ricky had need to get in the supplements business.

00:48:13.000 He needs to diversify.

00:48:15.000 Well, he came back.

00:48:16.000 He had a coke problem for a while.

00:48:18.000 Got crazy.

00:48:19.000 Did a lot of partying.

00:48:21.000 Got depressed.

00:48:22.000 And then got right back into it.

00:48:23.000 Got back in shape and had a fight.

00:48:25.000 Lost the fight.

00:48:27.000 But I think he decided after that he couldn't perform at the same level anymore and he was going to retire.

00:48:32.000 But you've got to realize, for him, if you're listening, Ricky...

00:48:35.000 You can't expect your body to bounce completely back with one fight after you did coke for five years.

00:48:41.000 You know?

00:48:42.000 I mean, I don't know what they told you coke does, but you need to give yourself some recovery time.

00:48:47.000 You know?

00:48:48.000 Coke set in.

00:48:51.000 I know people who did coke in the 70s, they have serious neuromuscular problems.

00:48:55.000 A lot of old people that did a lot of coke way back when, they developed all sorts of weird nervous problems, weird issues with controlling their bodies. 1.00

00:49:08.000 There's a direct connection that a lot of people have with what Richard Pryor went through when he was older, with all the coke that he did when he was younger.

00:49:16.000 Yeah, so don't do that much coke.

00:49:20.000 Coke in moderation, everybody.

00:49:22.000 Coke in light moderation, if you have to.

00:49:24.000 If that, don't do it at all.

00:49:26.000 I also think it's a real problem with Coke being illegal. 0.99

00:49:29.000 You don't know what the fuck you're getting. 0.99

00:49:31.000 You get Coke mixed with some speed. 1.00

00:49:34.000 Yeah.

00:49:36.000 Well, you know, the government can't go that far and legalize Coke.

00:49:41.000 You don't think so?

00:49:42.000 What about decriminalizing it? 0.57

00:49:44.000 You think that's possible?

00:49:46.000 That still would make it...

00:49:47.000 It still would be...

00:49:49.000 I think it would still have the same problems, right?

00:49:52.000 But what, I mean, how much worse?

00:49:54.000 I've never done coke.

00:49:55.000 How much worse is coke than alcohol? 0.99

00:49:57.000 When you see someone who's really fucked up, drunk, violent. 0.99

00:50:01.000 I've seen people that are dudes who become totally rapey when they get drunk, just grabbing girls outside of clubs. 1.00

00:50:06.000 Come here, bitch! 1.00

00:50:07.000 I've seen people get crazy. 1.00

00:50:09.000 Come on, girl. 1.00

00:50:09.000 What the fuck? 1.00

00:50:10.000 You too good for me? 1.00

00:50:11.000 I think it's a tough comparison just because of how people take them.

00:50:15.000 You know what I mean? 0.98

00:50:16.000 You might have eight shots of liquor, but for the most part, there's some people definitely that's on the extreme side, but you're not going to keep on just fucking hitting... 0.99

00:50:27.000 Right. 0.97

00:50:27.000 Coke. 0.97

00:50:28.000 That is a problem, right?

00:50:29.000 Is that once you feed that monkey, you want to keep feeding it.

00:50:32.000 Yeah.

00:50:33.000 That's the difference, right?

00:50:34.000 You can also get kind of crazy, apparently, when you've been doing coke all night. 0.99

00:50:39.000 Like, you don't know what the fuck you're doing. 1.00

00:50:41.000 You just have energy and you just feel smarter than you are. 1.00

00:50:47.000 Well, that's how you are when you're drunk, too.

00:50:49.000 Right? 0.99

00:50:50.000 You're drunk, you're half retarded, and you think you're fine. 1.00

00:50:52.000 Yeah, but you don't slur as much on coke. 1.00

00:50:55.000 Right.

00:50:55.000 You don't slur.

00:50:56.000 But you talk more.

00:50:57.000 Talk more.

00:50:58.000 Yeah.

00:50:59.000 That is one of the most brutal things ever.

00:51:01.000 Yeah.

00:51:01.000 Talking to a drunk person when you show her, or talking to a cokehead when you show her?

00:51:05.000 Which would you rather?

00:51:07.000 I would rather talk to... 1.00

00:51:08.000 Probably to a cokehead, because they probably at least have some ideas and shit. 1.00

00:51:13.000 And even if the ideas aren't that great, I would... 0.99

00:51:18.000 Be in my sober mind so I'll be able to tweak it to my advantage.

00:51:22.000 Yeah.

00:51:23.000 Oh, okay.

00:51:24.000 Or like counter and actually kind of guide the conversation a little bit.

00:51:30.000 You know Mike Young?

00:51:32.000 Do you know Mike Young, the comedian?

00:51:33.000 I know who that is.

00:51:35.000 He had a great joke about cokeheads that they always want to start businesses with you. 1.00

00:51:39.000 Yeah.

00:51:42.000 It's so true, man.

00:51:44.000 People will come up to you with grand plans.

00:51:46.000 Yeah.

00:51:47.000 Dude, I mean, I have ADD, but I don't have an Adderall prescription, but I get it sometimes.

00:51:53.000 I get Adderall sometimes, and when I take an Adderall at the beginning of the day, man, I just crush life, dude.

00:51:59.000 I book all my flights for the next month and a half. 0.98

00:52:02.000 Just get shit done, right? 0.99

00:52:04.000 I just get shit done. 0.98

00:52:05.000 I write, I make lists, I handle stuff in my apartment, and just... 0.92

00:52:10.000 Just handling stuff on Adderall.

00:52:12.000 I'm a legit ADD, I think.

00:52:13.000 Do you think that...

00:52:14.000 Okay, when someone says I'm a legit ADD, I believe you and I'm not questioning you, but you're talking about the effects of a stimulant, though.

00:52:25.000 I mean, when people do stimulants, that's what happens.

00:52:28.000 Yeah, but I think...

00:52:29.000 Because I don't get...

00:52:31.000 To the point where I'm like...

00:52:32.000 Because some people take Adderall and they'll go...

00:52:35.000 They'll be really hype.

00:52:36.000 But for me, you wouldn't be able to tell that I'm...

00:52:39.000 Right.

00:52:40.000 That I'm pumped up, you know what I mean?

00:52:41.000 But you have much more energy.

00:52:43.000 But I have much more energy and just focus and I just handle stuff.

00:52:45.000 Whereas I normally, you know, I'll get on the internet and just, I'll go, you know, on my computer with plants and just end up dicking around on Twitter or looking at, I'll get caught up in a YouTube wormhole, you know what I mean?

00:52:57.000 Right.

00:52:57.000 YouTube wormhole.

00:52:59.000 I get nuts.

00:53:00.000 Oh man, it's a waste.

00:53:02.000 Have you ever tried Modafinil?

00:53:03.000 Do you know what that is?

00:53:04.000 I don't know what that is.

00:53:05.000 Is that your other supplement?

00:53:07.000 No, no, no.

00:53:08.000 That's a pharmaceutical.

00:53:09.000 Yeah?

00:53:09.000 Yeah, it's a smart drug.

00:53:11.000 There's Nuvagil and Provagil.

00:53:14.000 Provagil was the original one, I think, and Nuvagil is the newer version.

00:53:19.000 Anyway, I've only tried Nuvagil, but apparently the effects are very similar.

00:53:23.000 It's this weird smart drug, and what it does is it just gives you energy.

00:53:29.000 When you're exhausted, like say if you...

00:53:32.000 Last night I got a decent amount of sleep.

00:53:33.000 I have six hours.

00:53:34.000 I have kids, so six hours is pretty good.

00:53:36.000 So I feel pretty good. 1.00

00:53:37.000 But if you get three hours and you're like, fuck, I've got to do a bunch of shit today, you can take one of these Nuvagils and it's not like coffee. 0.99

00:53:43.000 It's not like that weird... 0.99

00:53:45.000 When I'm really tired but I drink coffee, I get that buzzy but dull thing. 0.75

00:53:53.000 Like I'm kind of stupid, but I'm moving around normal. 0.83

00:53:56.000 This is not like that. 0.98

00:53:57.000 This is like, it alleviates the sleepiness.

00:54:00.000 Gone.

00:54:00.000 It's all gone.

00:54:01.000 All gone.

00:54:02.000 And now you have energy.

00:54:04.000 It's amazing.

00:54:05.000 Yeah.

00:54:05.000 Yeah, I need stuff like that.

00:54:07.000 Because I got, you know, with stand-up and working on shows and press stuff.

00:54:11.000 A lot of energy.

00:54:12.000 Yeah, especially for press.

00:54:14.000 If I had to do morning press on the road...

00:54:16.000 Man, just to get through those interviews and just to be on point, I have to have something. 0.99

00:54:23.000 Well, folks don't realize, you know, what are you fucking complaining about? 0.91

00:54:26.000 You gotta be there at like 6 in the morning, and you work till like 10 o'clock at night, most nights even later. 0.97

00:54:33.000 Yeah, it's just a thing, just to be on point.

00:54:37.000 I try not to complain about it, just because it's part of the job, and I'd rather do it than...

00:54:43.000 We're construction any day.

00:54:45.000 But sometimes mentally it's tough to do a morning interview.

00:54:48.000 But if I have, you know, take Adderall before, then I'm snappy.

00:54:53.000 I got jokes.

00:54:53.000 I got anecdotes.

00:54:54.000 And then I can kind of, I know sometimes now I've learned how to, you got to take an interview over sometimes or go on a, not go on a rant, but you have to not let them.

00:55:03.000 You know, just because they can get into that, cutting off your jokes, and, hey, funny man, Hannibal Buress, and just cutting you off with their weirdos.

00:55:10.000 So just learning how to do that and just having the energy and focus to be able to is real helpful.

00:55:16.000 Yeah, the morning radio thing, if, like, they're good, it's great.

00:55:19.000 It's real fun.

00:55:20.000 If they're good and pro and supportive and set you up, but then sometimes they just say, so what's funny in the world right now? 1.00

00:55:28.000 Like, motherfucker. 1.00

00:55:28.000 Fuck you for asking me that. 1.00

00:55:30.000 I did an interview the other day and a guy asked me that exact question. 1.00

00:55:36.000 What's making you laugh right now?

00:55:39.000 Say Hannibal, what are you talking about on stage?

00:55:41.000 Oh man, I hate it.

00:55:42.000 That's another one they do.

00:55:43.000 Yeah, somebody asked me that before a show I was doing in New York.

00:55:47.000 What are you talking about?

00:55:47.000 A fan just came up like, so what are we talking about today?

00:55:50.000 Like, you now?

00:55:52.000 You.

00:55:54.000 There's some dudes that would go, well, here's my new piece.

00:55:58.000 It's all about how man is constricted by first his mom, and then his wife, and then ultimately his lawyer.

00:56:07.000 Yeah, I mean, I guess the thing is, I try to remember that people aren't coming from a shitty place normally.

00:56:14.000 They just don't know how to communicate to me in a way that won't make me feel cynical and hate them.

00:56:21.000 You know what I mean?

00:56:22.000 So I gotta keep that in mind. 0.99

00:56:23.000 But in the moment, it's like, motherfucker, did you just ask me what's funny in the world right now? 0.98

00:56:27.000 For someone who's not a comic, they wouldn't understand how awkward that would be. 0.98

00:56:32.000 Like, you like when you can go on a radio show and they just let you talk, right?

00:56:35.000 Just hang out.

00:56:36.000 Let's just hang out and be funny.

00:56:37.000 Let's just hang out and talk about stuff.

00:56:38.000 Yeah, it's great.

00:56:39.000 Bounce back and forth from each other.

00:56:40.000 Yeah.

00:56:41.000 It's not a lot of them that can do that, though.

00:56:43.000 That's the problem.

00:56:45.000 Do you ever do those radio tours where you have to call, like, ten different people and then you realize, like, eight of them have the same voice?

00:56:51.000 Like, almost exactly.

00:56:53.000 Well, it's just a radio voice.

00:56:54.000 I don't know when it was tested.

00:56:57.000 When it was a study that people like to listen to this right here.

00:57:02.000 We're live here in Nashville.

00:57:03.000 We got Hannibal Burns in the studio.

00:57:05.000 We're live here in Cincinnati.

00:57:06.000 We got Hannibal...

00:57:07.000 There's a couple versions of that.

00:57:09.000 There's a couple versions of that where it's just, you know...

00:57:11.000 There's the sports guy as well.

00:57:14.000 Gus Johnson here for Showtime.

00:57:16.000 There's the news guy.

00:57:18.000 It's just the same as...

00:57:21.000 Rappers, though, too.

00:57:22.000 Rappers, rap boys.

00:57:24.000 You talk to a rapper, they might sound like me, but then when they're rapped, they're like, you know what it is!

00:57:30.000 It's a persona.

00:57:31.000 It's just a persona that works for that situation.

00:57:34.000 I like it, though.

00:57:35.000 I like the Gus Johnson type voice.

00:57:38.000 When I say that about Gus Johnson, I'm not putting him down.

00:57:40.000 I like that professional, here we are, Madison Square Garden.

00:57:45.000 I don't want a guy who's like, hey, all right.

00:57:47.000 It sounds like me.

00:57:48.000 I'm like me!

00:57:49.000 When I do the UFC, there's a reason why I'm the color guy and I'm not the play-by-play guy.

00:57:53.000 I don't do the big, here we are!

00:57:56.000 UFC 152!

00:57:58.000 Those guys are important.

00:57:59.000 I like that.

00:58:00.000 I like the pageantry.

00:58:02.000 Yeah, it's pageantry.

00:58:03.000 There's a reason why Michael Buffett works.

00:58:05.000 Well, yeah, that's even more so because he's an announcer.

00:58:08.000 He's an announcer, yeah.

00:58:09.000 Let's get ready to rumble! 0.88

00:58:11.000 There's pageantry to all that.

00:58:12.000 Yeah, there's pageantry, yeah.

00:58:13.000 I'm not putting it down, but...

00:58:15.000 It is weird with radio.

00:58:16.000 It's weird with radio.

00:58:17.000 Radio, because you don't have to talk like...

00:58:19.000 Radio's different because it's supposed to be your...

00:58:22.000 Personality.

00:58:22.000 You know what I mean?

00:58:23.000 Sports, that's a sports guy.

00:58:25.000 The news is the news, but radio is supposed to be your vibe, but then you sound like the dude in St. Louis also.

00:58:31.000 You sound like the dude who's all over the place.

00:58:34.000 You sound like every guy.

00:58:35.000 You know another place where that exists?

00:58:36.000 What's that?

00:58:37.000 Strip club DJs.

00:58:39.000 I've been trying to analyze this for many years, and I think with strip club DJs, it's like no one wants to hear a dude talking while girls are dancing naked. 0.96

00:58:47.000 You do not want to hear that guy.

00:58:49.000 So he's got to make it like a song.

00:58:51.000 Like, alright, coming to the stage!

00:58:54.000 It's Amber!

00:58:56.000 Remember everybody, $14 kamikaze!

00:58:58.000 There's an entertainment aspect to what he's doing.

00:59:01.000 It's like, he's almost like he's singing a song.

00:59:03.000 But have you been to a black strip club in Atlanta though? 0.95

00:59:05.000 No! 0.61

00:59:06.000 And those DJs?

00:59:07.000 No.

00:59:07.000 Those DJs are the most amazing DJs vocally ever.

00:59:12.000 Really?

00:59:13.000 Because they drive the tipping.

00:59:16.000 You know what I mean?

00:59:16.000 Oh, right, right, right.

00:59:17.000 They crack jokes.

00:59:20.000 Last one I was, it's just so funny. 1.00

00:59:21.000 Like, man, you need to pay the pussy. 1.00

00:59:23.000 Like, they tip that pussy. 1.00

00:59:24.000 Y'all motherfuckers in here, y'all ain't spending money. 1.00

00:59:26.000 They'll drop the track. 1.00

00:59:27.000 They cut the track back up. 0.99

00:59:29.000 Spend some motherfucking money. 0.99

00:59:30.000 Look what she's doing up there. 1.00

00:59:31.000 She's up there.

00:59:33.000 Atlanta DJs, strip club, amazing.

00:59:37.000 Only Atlanta?

00:59:38.000 Only Atlanta. 0.98

00:59:38.000 Atlanta and probably just other black strip clubs. 0.98

00:59:42.000 Like, the DJ drives that shit and is the driving force and is an entertainer in addition to it. 0.99

00:59:48.000 He adds to it. 0.99

00:59:50.000 See, now I'm weighing the potential dangers of going to a black strip club in Atlanta with the entertainment aspect of how amazing it must be.

00:59:59.000 It's not that dangerous, man.

01:00:00.000 It's not dangerous.

01:00:00.000 For a guy like me?

01:00:01.000 No, it's not.

01:00:02.000 They'd be like, Joe Rogan, what's up?

01:00:05.000 Chappelle's show!

01:00:06.000 I'm sure.

01:00:07.000 I'm sure.

01:00:07.000 I need to go.

01:00:08.000 If I go with you.

01:00:09.000 If I go with you, I can slide right in.

01:00:11.000 I'm not even that plugged in.

01:00:13.000 I play cover.

01:00:15.000 But no, I'm telling you, in the black strip club, the DJs...

01:00:19.000 Are there famous ones?

01:00:21.000 I don't know the names of them, but you go to somewhere, Magic City or a few other ones in Atlanta, The DJ is important and makes the strippers more money.

01:00:35.000 And the strippers probably end up tipping out the DJ at the end of the night. 1.00

01:00:38.000 I'm sure.

01:00:39.000 Yeah, they have an arrangement, right?

01:00:40.000 Yeah.

01:00:41.000 My friend Eddie used to work at a strip club.

01:00:43.000 I used to go and visit him at work.

01:00:44.000 He was a DJ. So I got to see the craft.

01:00:48.000 I got to see how everybody does it.

01:00:49.000 It's interesting, the relationship they all have.

01:00:51.000 It becomes just like, you might as well be working in a restaurant.

01:00:54.000 Everybody just develops the same sort of...

01:00:56.000 It's a place.

01:00:56.000 It's a workplace, man.

01:00:57.000 Exactly. 0.78

01:00:58.000 It's a workplace where people get naked. 0.99

01:00:59.000 And it's weird because it's porn. 0.99

01:01:01.000 Porn is like that too.

01:01:02.000 Those people get used to each other and it becomes just like any other normal.

01:01:06.000 See you later.

01:01:07.000 Good jizzing on you. 0.75

01:01:09.000 I'm going to jizzle you. 0.70

01:01:10.000 See you soon. 0.99

01:01:11.000 It is probably funny when it's just somebody you fucked like two years ago. 0.98

01:01:15.000 Oh, good to see you again! 0.99

01:01:17.000 Yeah.

01:01:19.000 I think they have definitely a more relaxed attitude about it.

01:01:22.000 Yeah. 0.94

01:01:23.000 You know, if you run into somebody that used to fuck out of nowhere, you're like, hey, how you doing? 0.97

01:01:29.000 This is me. 0.99

01:01:29.000 Look at me. 0.99

01:01:30.000 I see you naked. 0.99

01:01:31.000 You see me naked? 0.98

01:01:32.000 All right.

01:01:32.000 You take care.

01:01:33.000 Don't mind that, Mo.

01:01:35.000 It's weird when you haven't seen someone in 20 years and you get to see like, whoa.

01:01:39.000 This is weird.

01:01:40.000 This is weird.

01:01:41.000 Hello, Nina Hartley.

01:01:45.000 I met her.

01:01:46.000 She's a very nice lady. 0.97

01:01:47.000 She was doing Kevin Pereira's podcast.

01:01:49.000 Yeah?

01:01:50.000 I sat in with her and talked to her for a while.

01:01:52.000 She does everything with gloves on, man. 0.76

01:01:54.000 Really? 0.99

01:01:54.000 Yeah, she has sex sessions with people. 0.99

01:01:56.000 She puts surgical gloves on. 0.99

01:01:58.000 Yeah, she does corporates, right?

01:02:00.000 Does she?

01:02:05.000 I think a lot of them...

01:02:06.000 Yeah, a lot of them do...

01:02:07.000 They do like corporate gigs?

01:02:08.000 Corporates, in quotes.

01:02:10.000 In quotes.

01:02:11.000 I guess, sort of.

01:02:12.000 Yeah.

01:02:13.000 In a way.

01:02:14.000 I don't know.

01:02:15.000 Corporates.

01:02:15.000 Not corporates.

01:02:16.000 Privates.

01:02:17.000 Privates, yes.

01:02:18.000 She probably does a lot of privates. 1.00

01:02:20.000 Yeah, like, you know...

01:02:23.000 Yeah, very few comics do privates.

01:02:26.000 What would you do if someone said, hey man, Hannibal Bress, I want you to come over and just do comedy just for me. 0.98

01:02:31.000 I'm just a big comedy fan, but I don't like going to comedy clubs because it's fucking... 0.96

01:02:35.000 I don't like laughing around at other people. 0.82

01:02:37.000 So would you just do your act for me, and I'll pay you what you get paid for a regular show, for a packed house?

01:02:43.000 No, they have to charge them my corporate college rate.

01:02:47.000 Okay, corporate college rate.

01:02:49.000 I wouldn't want to do that.

01:02:51.000 So can I bring somebody with me?

01:02:53.000 Well, now you're worried about your safety?

01:02:55.000 Don't worry. 1.00

01:02:55.000 The guy's only going to masturbate. 1.00

01:02:57.000 He promises. 0.99

01:02:58.000 Nothing really crazy.

01:03:00.000 He just wants to watch you.

01:03:01.000 He's going to keep a towel on.

01:03:04.000 Nah, I'm not doing that good because I don't need the money that bad because I got my own supplement business.

01:03:11.000 So I'm not, you know, I can do stuff as I want to do it, you know?

01:03:14.000 Alright, how about if the dude wears like a space suit?

01:03:17.000 A space suit?

01:03:17.000 Yeah.

01:03:18.000 Just sits there with a space suit on. 0.99

01:03:19.000 No masturbation. 0.98

01:03:20.000 How long have I sat? 1.00

01:03:21.000 Fucking full set, man. 0.99

01:03:22.000 Headline set. 1.00

01:03:25.000 For one dude.

01:03:27.000 For one dude?

01:03:27.000 Can I bring an opener?

01:03:29.000 No, no opener.

01:03:32.000 To warm up, he's going to watch your past specials.

01:03:36.000 So I can't even draw from that stuff?

01:03:40.000 I got to do an hour new? 1.00

01:03:45.000 Well, if he was a fan, man, you'd already know your shit. 0.99

01:03:48.000 Imagine if you pay a dude to do a one-on-one show and he does bits you already know. 1.00

01:03:52.000 He'd be like, what the fucker? 1.00

01:03:53.000 That was the shit from your last special. 1.00

01:03:55.000 All crowd work. 0.99

01:03:56.000 So, what's up?

01:03:57.000 This is crazy.

01:03:58.000 Look at this place. 1.00

01:03:59.000 Oh, shit. 1.00

01:04:02.000 50 Gs. 1.00

01:04:03.000 That's my rate for that weird-ass shit. 1.00

01:04:05.000 50 Gs. 1.00

01:04:09.000 You know there's a dude out there thinking about it. 1.00

01:04:11.000 Some fucking tech guy who's just super rich. 0.99

01:04:14.000 I'm gonna get Hannibal Buress to just do stand up. 1.00

01:04:16.000 It would be less weird if it was him and his buddy.

01:04:19.000 That would be way less weird.

01:04:20.000 Two dudes would be... 0.99

01:04:21.000 Isn't it interesting?

01:04:23.000 Instantly it becomes less gay. 0.89

01:04:25.000 Yeah, because it's just...

01:04:27.000 Also, being at a comedy show is about looking over at the person like, you know what I mean?

01:04:34.000 Or doing the elbow.

01:04:36.000 So just doing stand-up for one person is weird as hell.

01:04:39.000 Don't you find it's weird even to watch it on television?

01:04:43.000 Well, the vibe is so much different.

01:04:46.000 So much different.

01:04:47.000 It's just a different energy.

01:04:49.000 It's not weird, but it is...

01:04:52.000 Where I've had people that say they saw my stuff online or they saw stuff on TV, but then they saw me live and they're like, oh shit, live, it was crazy.

01:04:59.000 So it is just, it's hard to translate the true energy that's in the room and just that type of thing.

01:05:07.000 Yeah, they don't tune into you when they're watching a video.

01:05:10.000 They're just getting the words and the performance and they're laughing, but they're not tuning into you.

01:05:14.000 There's some dudes, like, you'll see them on stage, like Brian Callen is a perfect example.

01:05:18.000 Brian Callen, like, if you watch him in a video, he's hilarious, but if you watch him live, that dude, like, you tune into him.

01:05:25.000 It's infinitely better.

01:05:27.000 Well, yeah, because the bits also, you know, you might see a minute set out of somebody's hour set online, you know?

01:05:33.000 But then in somebody's hour...

01:05:37.000 Club set or theater set, you didn't get to see how they entered and how they commanded the room at the beginning and what they did at the beginning to allow them to be able to go to a weird place later where the audience already has that trust.

01:05:50.000 So it's a lot of different elements to live stand-up that get lost in the internet and TV, yeah.

01:05:55.000 That's a great point, the building up.

01:05:59.000 I've had friends that were just starting out, and they'll do something like, they have a bit, and they'll do this bit right away.

01:06:05.000 And I'm like, you know what, man?

01:06:07.000 The audience should probably get to know you better before you do that bit.

01:06:10.000 Let them gain your trust first, and then do that bit.

01:06:14.000 Because the opening part of it, you have to know you're a good person for that to be funny.

01:06:19.000 You've got to know you're kidding.

01:06:21.000 Otherwise, it's just gross.

01:06:22.000 Yeah, I got a joke about the movie I Spit on Your Grave.

01:06:26.000 Have you seen that?

01:06:27.000 Yeah.

01:06:28.000 It's a weird movie.

01:06:29.000 And I do a bit about it, but I would never open with it.

01:06:32.000 That joke is coming at least 25, 30 minutes in.

01:06:36.000 Yeah, that's a touchy subject.

01:06:39.000 Isn't that weird?

01:06:40.000 They have to have trust in you.

01:06:41.000 Yeah, they have to have trust.

01:06:42.000 You have to establish you're funny for a little bit.

01:06:46.000 Yeah, and that's really hard, especially when you're starting out.

01:06:49.000 People don't know you.

01:06:50.000 Once they come to a Hannibal Buress show, they know who you are.

01:06:53.000 They're here to see you.

01:06:55.000 But if you're starting out, man, if you're just a first-year guy, man, you've got to really get these people's attention.

01:07:06.000 You've got to figure out a way to get them to trust you.

01:07:08.000 Because they're going to make a judgment call on you within a couple minutes.

01:07:11.000 Yeah, they'll judge your outfit. 0.98

01:07:12.000 Especially a black crowd. 0.99

01:07:14.000 While you're walking up, like, ah, his shoes. 0.79

01:07:17.000 So you already lost half the audience.

01:07:19.000 His shoes are whack.

01:07:20.000 His shirt looks kind of weird-fitting.

01:07:22.000 You already got to work hard.

01:07:25.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:07:26.000 Damn. 1.00

01:07:26.000 That's hilarious. 1.00

01:07:29.000 Why are black clubs so much more judgmental?

01:07:32.000 It's just, I mean, it's just a level of performance and just, you know.

01:07:37.000 They demand more?

01:07:38.000 They demand more and just, you know, the best black comics has just been great performers, you know what I mean?

01:07:45.000 So you talk about, yeah, just Red Foxx and Richard Pryor and Bernie, like these guys were not only, you know, great joke writers and stuff, but they performed and they were crushed.

01:07:55.000 And so it's just a higher standard for a performer.

01:07:59.000 Also, in black clubs or black showcase nights, the host is usually the star of the show a lot of the time.

01:08:09.000 You know what I mean?

01:08:09.000 Where on the road in an improv or funny bone, The MC is local.

01:08:14.000 Sometimes he's good, but for the most part, the host is not going to be that great, which is not cool because that's who's setting the tone for the show.

01:08:23.000 That's who the first person in the audience is seeing.

01:08:25.000 They got babysitters and all that, and the host, the first person on stage is eh.

01:08:30.000 Whereas the host usually has a local following, is great, crushes, does 20 or 30 up top sometimes.

01:08:40.000 And so it's just a different thing.

01:08:42.000 So then the next act has to be able to follow this amazing host with a great following.

01:08:47.000 So it ends up with a lot of black comedians being real strong performers early on.

01:08:53.000 That's interesting because Chris Rock said that about his career.

01:08:57.000 One time he had to go on after Martin Lawrence.

01:09:00.000 It was a turning point in his career because he realized that...

01:09:04.000 He had performed to too many white crowds.

01:09:06.000 Yeah. 0.93

01:09:06.000 And it was like white crowds made him lazy. 0.93

01:09:08.000 Like he didn't even realize he had gotten into this sort of like lower energy sort of mode of performing.

01:09:15.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:09:15.000 Yeah, I was, I mean, I wouldn't say there was black crowds that gave me a shit, but I'm a little bit higher energy now than I was in my first CD, but that's just from playing, oh shit, that's just from playing bigger venues. 0.99

01:09:30.000 It's comical. 1.00

01:09:33.000 I spilled coffee again on my fucking computer. 1.00

01:09:36.000 This is unbelievable, man. 1.00

01:09:38.000 I've done this like four times in the last month. 1.00

01:09:41.000 Shit, man. 1.00

01:09:42.000 You know what it is, man? 1.00

01:09:43.000 I keep this coffee cup right here and I talk with my fucking hands because I have peasant roots. 0.99

01:09:49.000 Is that what that means? 0.99

01:09:51.000 Yeah, it's okay.

01:09:51.000 The computer's gonna be fine.

01:09:53.000 Okay, cool, man.

01:09:53.000 It was just a minor...

01:09:54.000 Apple care.

01:09:55.000 A little splitch.

01:09:56.000 But it was...

01:09:57.000 No, it wasn't. 1.00

01:09:57.000 They'll be like, bitch, this is the third time you came here. 1.00

01:10:00.000 You get the fuck out of here, stupid. 1.00

01:10:01.000 There's a 24-hour Apple store in Manhattan. 1.00

01:10:05.000 That's gotta be interesting.

01:10:06.000 It's very interesting because I needed to get a new iPhone last week and I went in there faded and the worst person in the world is a drunk with a customer service issue.

01:10:18.000 I was the worst, dude.

01:10:19.000 How drunk were you? 1.00

01:10:20.000 I was drunk enough to where I'm worried that they'll hack into my shit. 1.00

01:10:29.000 Oh, that's hilarious. 1.00

01:10:31.000 It was pretty...

01:10:32.000 I feel bad about it.

01:10:33.000 I was just like...

01:10:34.000 Because the dude, they weren't helpful.

01:10:35.000 I had missed my appointment.

01:10:37.000 I had a 1230 appointment.

01:10:38.000 I popped in there too.

01:10:39.000 Like, give me a new phone.

01:10:42.000 I was the worst.

01:10:43.000 And the dude's name was Jesus.

01:10:45.000 And I was like, come on, Jesus.

01:10:47.000 And we were going back and forth.

01:10:48.000 Because he wasn't great to me, but he also wasn't... 0.99

01:10:52.000 I was being a dick too. 0.98

01:10:53.000 You know what I mean? 0.99

01:10:54.000 And also, I was drunk.

01:10:56.000 I felt bad about it.

01:10:58.000 I felt bad about it the next day. 0.98

01:11:00.000 I'm like, God damn it, I'm in an Apple store being drunk. 0.98

01:11:02.000 They must get drunk people all the time in Apple stores. 0.99

01:11:05.000 Probably.

01:11:06.000 If you have a 24-hour Apple store?

01:11:07.000 A 24-hour Apple store, they're used to it.

01:11:09.000 Come on, man. 1.00

01:11:10.000 If you're getting your iPhone fixed at 4 o'clock in the morning, you've got to be fucked up. 1.00

01:11:12.000 Yeah, man. 0.99

01:11:13.000 Can you get an activated iPhone at 4 o'clock in the morning?

01:11:16.000 You can get an activated iPhone at 4 o'clock in the morning.

01:11:18.000 I want to do that.

01:11:19.000 I don't even want to get another iPhone.

01:11:21.000 Yeah, it's a 24-hour...

01:11:25.000 Apple Store, because I had to get a new laptop last week, so 24-hour Apple Store, 24-hour Best Buy.

01:11:30.000 So I did my shopping late, went and got a computer, went to Best Buy, grabbed Xbox One late at night.

01:11:37.000 It was great shopping, yeah.

01:11:38.000 Yeah, I heard about the Best Buy, the 24-hour Best Buy.

01:11:40.000 That's like New York College, right?

01:11:43.000 It's not too far from NYU. Yeah, it's in Union Square.

01:11:47.000 That's the one thing that Manhattan has.

01:11:49.000 It's this 24-hour thing.

01:11:51.000 You know what they don't have anymore, though, is pool halls.

01:11:53.000 They used to have a 24-hour pool hall.

01:11:54.000 I don't think they have that anymore.

01:11:56.000 I haven't seen it.

01:11:57.000 They used to have this place, Chelsea Billiards.

01:11:59.000 There was quite a few places, but Chelsea was the big one that was open 24 hours a day.

01:12:04.000 You'd go there at 4 o'clock in the morning and play pool.

01:12:06.000 You're a big pool guy?

01:12:07.000 Yeah, yeah, I love pool.

01:12:08.000 What do you think about trick shot pool? 1.00

01:12:10.000 It's stupid. 1.00

01:12:10.000 Really? 1.00

01:12:11.000 It's pointless.

01:12:11.000 I like trickshot pool.

01:12:13.000 Trickshot pool is like tying a duck to a stick and shooting it out of the sky.

01:12:19.000 That's what it's like.

01:12:20.000 The difference between you get to choose your shots? 0.98

01:12:23.000 That's ridiculous.

01:12:24.000 The whole idea of pool is figuring out the patterns and moving the ball around, controlling the cue ball, making shots, and running out. 0.82

01:12:32.000 The table presents you with a problem.

01:12:33.000 You have to figure out that problem and get out. 1.00

01:12:35.000 This is some stupid thing that you practice over and over again. 1.00

01:12:39.000 All you have to do is just poke at the stick and the balls go in the right direction because you set them up. 1.00

01:12:43.000 That's dumb. 1.00

01:12:44.000 Oh, man. 1.00

01:12:46.000 I guess it's good.

01:12:47.000 It's entertaining TV. You know what it is?

01:12:50.000 I understand your thought process behind it.

01:12:53.000 But yeah, I don't get to see them practice.

01:12:56.000 Yeah, you just see the shot.

01:12:58.000 I just see them do the shot. 1.00

01:12:59.000 That shit looks cool. 1.00

01:13:00.000 It does look cool. 1.00

01:13:01.000 Don't get me wrong.

01:13:02.000 I've seen trick shots that look cool.

01:13:03.000 But I've been playing pool for 20 years.

01:13:05.000 I don't know how to do one.

01:13:06.000 I can't do one trick shot.

01:13:08.000 I play pretty decent, but I don't know any of them.

01:13:11.000 I have no desire to learn them either.

01:13:12.000 They just don't make any sense to me.

01:13:14.000 It's like, who cares?

01:13:15.000 You know when people do that?

01:13:16.000 Like, say, if a professional came to your pool hall and was doing a demonstration.

01:13:20.000 People like to see trick shots.

01:13:22.000 Like, if you hire a guy like Earl Strickland.

01:13:25.000 Earl Strickland comes to your pool hall.

01:13:26.000 He's gonna, you know, he'll do some trick shots for you.

01:13:30.000 Of course, you know.

01:13:31.000 I'm like, you know pool celebrities, too?

01:13:33.000 Yeah, I know a few pool names.

01:13:35.000 Yeah.

01:13:36.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:13:36.000 I get into shit, man. 1.00

01:13:38.000 When I'm into shit, I get into it. 1.00

01:13:40.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:13:41.000 You should get pool cues, man.

01:13:43.000 I got a bunch of pool cues.

01:13:44.000 No, I mean your own business.

01:13:46.000 Oh, Joe Rogan pool cues?

01:13:48.000 Nah.

01:13:48.000 Nah, that's not probably...

01:13:49.000 No, pool cues you only want to buy from a dude who actually makes a pool cue.

01:13:54.000 There's a thing about pool cue artisans.

01:13:56.000 They make pool cues.

01:13:58.000 And when you buy them from a guy who's like a Zambotti or a... 1.00

01:14:03.000 Tascarella.

01:14:04.000 People have these names.

01:14:05.000 They make these exotic pool cues out of wood and they're craftsmanship and they cut them and place them precisely.

01:14:12.000 It's a big art form to it. 0.99

01:14:15.000 So you wouldn't want to buy my fucking pool cue. 0.99

01:14:16.000 I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. 1.00

01:14:17.000 You can't buy a pool cue with my name on it. 1.00

01:14:19.000 It's stupid. 1.00

01:14:20.000 You'd be an idiot. 1.00

01:14:23.000 You want to buy a Southwest. 1.00

01:14:24.000 You want to buy a Gina cue.

01:14:27.000 You want to buy cues that have a name to them.

01:14:29.000 Okay.

01:14:30.000 Cool.

01:14:31.000 This is like a long-standing art form.

01:14:33.000 It's almost like a samurai sword type of thing, where there's certain artists that are preferred over other artists, certain artisans that have a long history passed down from father to son.

01:14:43.000 It's very common.

01:14:44.000 Wow.

01:14:45.000 Yeah.

01:14:46.000 Actually, I mean, I'd be pissed.

01:14:49.000 Why?

01:14:49.000 I'd be like, man, I don't want to be in the pool cue business then.

01:14:54.000 I'm passing on this pool cue biz.

01:14:56.000 I don't even like pool, dad.

01:14:58.000 Well, if you did like pool, then it would be good.

01:15:00.000 But if you wanted to be a comedian, I could see your point. 1.00

01:15:03.000 Long hours in the shop, breathing in fucking sawdust and glue fumes and shit. 1.00

01:15:09.000 Working in a paint booth, one of those... 1.00

01:15:12.000 Gas masks on.

01:15:13.000 Yeah, that would be...

01:15:14.000 It's not for Hannibal Buress.

01:15:16.000 It's not for me.

01:15:17.000 It's not for a lot of people.

01:15:19.000 It might not be for one of those father-son teams. 1.00

01:15:21.000 They might not like that shit. 1.00

01:15:23.000 Maybe. 1.00

01:15:23.000 I would have to talk to them individually. 1.00

01:15:26.000 I hope I don't get an angry tweet from the Southwest Pool Company.

01:15:30.000 I'm sure you would.

01:15:31.000 I'm sure they would be pissed.

01:15:33.000 Yeah, there's quite a few people that take that very seriously.

01:15:36.000 Yeah.

01:15:37.000 Are you into anything?

01:15:38.000 Do you play any games or anything?

01:15:39.000 Do you do anything on the road?

01:15:40.000 Do you bowl?

01:15:41.000 Got a marble collection?

01:15:43.000 I don't have a marble collection.

01:15:44.000 I play video games a little bit.

01:15:47.000 But I'm trying to think of my other stuff that I do.

01:15:50.000 I'm a pretty...

01:15:52.000 Pretty boring dude, man.

01:15:54.000 I play video games, do comedy, go to concerts, and that's pretty much it.

01:16:01.000 I keep track of my frequent flyer miles very heavily.

01:16:06.000 Boring stuff.

01:16:07.000 How hardcore do you get with the video games?

01:16:09.000 Do you actually bring a console with you on the road?

01:16:10.000 Are you one of those dudes?

01:16:11.000 Nah, I can't do that.

01:16:12.000 There's a lot of dudes that get crazy with that.

01:16:14.000 Yeah, because it makes it more exciting for when I get back home, because that kind of is how I'm really at home.

01:16:22.000 If I'm sitting at home playing video games, if I've been gone for 10 days, all right, relax, I'm home, play a game.

01:16:29.000 So that's the thing.

01:16:30.000 I leave the game at home.

01:16:33.000 That's a good move.

01:16:34.000 But I get into it.

01:16:35.000 I only play two games, GTA and NBA 2K14. That's it?

01:16:41.000 That's pretty much it.

01:16:43.000 Because I'm always gone, so I don't have time to be switching to games.

01:16:47.000 You want to get some skills, learn the game, and then enjoy it. 0.99

01:16:50.000 You don't want to have to learn new shit. 0.99

01:16:51.000 Yeah, just learn a new game. 0.99

01:16:52.000 I might try out this Titanfall.

01:16:54.000 I got that for the Xbox.

01:16:56.000 I haven't played it yet, though.

01:16:57.000 I keep hearing incredible things.

01:16:58.000 People have emailed me, if you're thinking about getting back into video games, this is the video game to get back into with. 0.98

01:17:04.000 I'm like, get the fuck away from me. 0.95

01:17:05.000 Yeah, and that's the thing. 0.99

01:17:07.000 So you don't have time to play, but you got kids and you got a lot of work.

01:17:10.000 I'll be thinking about that too when I'm playing because I can't play for three or four hours straight.

01:17:14.000 Should I be playing this or should I be writing a script?

01:17:17.000 Should I really be playing against this 13-year-old? 1.00

01:17:20.000 Talking shit to him. 1.00

01:17:21.000 I don't talk shit. 1.00

01:17:22.000 I might send a... 1.00

01:17:24.000 If they talk...

01:17:25.000 Because I can't have a stranger.

01:17:26.000 I don't put it on a headset when it's a stranger.

01:17:29.000 I can't just have a stranger.

01:17:30.000 Having that much access to my brain like that?

01:17:33.000 I already do that with Twitter.

01:17:34.000 I can't have their voice.

01:17:36.000 Right.

01:17:37.000 Yeah, could you imagine if that's the new Twitter? 1.00

01:17:39.000 If people just would be able to anonymously talk shit to you? 1.00

01:17:42.000 Right to your ear? 1.00

01:17:43.000 Just out of nowhere?

01:17:44.000 Yeah.

01:17:45.000 Just like how you get your app mentions on Twitter.

01:17:47.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:17:47.000 If you could just get one after another, a bunch of people talking shit in your ear. 1.00

01:17:51.000 Your glasses were smudged on TV. Bitch, you look stupid up there. 1.00

01:17:55.000 What kind of sneakers are those? 1.00

01:17:57.000 Where'd you get that jacket? 0.73

01:17:58.000 That would suck, man. 0.95

01:18:00.000 You know what? 0.71

01:18:01.000 I delete my Twitter app sometimes just because I spend too much time on it.

01:18:05.000 Do you really?

01:18:06.000 But then I end up putting it back on like two days later.

01:18:08.000 But the times that...

01:18:10.000 I'm trying to have like...

01:18:12.000 Two hours a day.

01:18:16.000 Where I just unplug two awake hours a day.

01:18:22.000 Where I unplug, no computer, no phone.

01:18:24.000 So I either read, write, or work out, or just talk, or just chill.

01:18:29.000 But no looking at the phone, no email, no text phone.

01:18:32.000 None of that.

01:18:32.000 So that's what I'm trying to do.

01:18:34.000 Just because I found...

01:18:35.000 Well, my phone was broken.

01:18:36.000 I didn't have my phone for a day.

01:18:38.000 It just was broken.

01:18:40.000 I found that I was a little bit more productive.

01:18:42.000 I read a little bit of a book.

01:18:44.000 I wrote six jokes or something.

01:18:46.000 And I felt way more clear-headed.

01:18:51.000 Because I wasn't just checking people's...

01:18:53.000 You weren't tethered.

01:18:54.000 I wasn't tethered.

01:18:55.000 I wasn't checking Twitter obsessively, compulsively. 0.99

01:18:59.000 Yeah, so that's my new shit. 1.00

01:19:01.000 Yeah, I get tethered to that fucking phone, man. 1.00

01:19:04.000 It's weird. 1.00

01:19:04.000 It's tough. 1.00

01:19:05.000 It's weird when you're out and you just have this desire to check your email for no reason. 0.99

01:19:09.000 What the fuck? 0.99

01:19:10.000 There's nothing that important in an email because if it was, it'd be a phone call. 0.99

01:19:14.000 Yeah, especially when you're not in the middle of doing anything.

01:19:18.000 It's not like a deal's about to go down.

01:19:20.000 Yeah.

01:19:20.000 Like, all right, Hannibal, stay near the phone.

01:19:22.000 We're going to call you.

01:19:23.000 Nobody said that.

01:19:24.000 Even if it was going down, it's not going away.

01:19:26.000 Yeah.

01:19:27.000 It's not going away.

01:19:27.000 Yeah, the deal's going to go down, but you didn't get back to us.

01:19:31.000 Yeah.

01:19:31.000 You'll get back to us in 20 minutes.

01:19:33.000 We thought you were one of the most hilarious guys of all time and a future superstar, but time is of the essence.

01:19:39.000 Time is of the essence.

01:19:40.000 We came in a way.

01:19:42.000 We just called some other dude that we had on our list of guys whose day to make.

01:19:47.000 And he checks his phone all the time.

01:19:49.000 It does get like that, though, when it's casting.

01:19:51.000 When they get casting, when it gets down to casting, whether or not you agree to take a show.

01:19:56.000 Like, they give you an offer.

01:19:57.000 There's a counteroffer.

01:19:58.000 They have offers on someone else, and then, you know, there's like a backup offer.

01:20:01.000 Well, if Hannibal gets crazy with the money, we got this dude waiting in the wings.

01:20:05.000 There is that.

01:20:07.000 That'll definitely keep you near your phone.

01:20:10.000 Yeah.

01:20:10.000 But that's another beautiful thing about the internet.

01:20:13.000 It's like, that shit, we were talking about, like, you used to need a show. 0.99

01:20:16.000 Like, guys used to go away if they didn't have a show. 1.00

01:20:19.000 If they didn't have something that...

01:20:20.000 We're good to go.

01:20:25.000 We're good to go.

01:20:44.000 It was called Talking to Strangers.

01:20:46.000 And I just talked to legit people that I'd never met before or that weren't in comedy at all.

01:20:53.000 That's a great idea.

01:20:54.000 But then now, I mean, that would be me driving the listenership every time.

01:20:59.000 Yeah.

01:21:00.000 Which is, you know...

01:21:01.000 But still, Bill Bird does a podcast where he just talks by himself.

01:21:05.000 Yeah, just him ranting.

01:21:06.000 So does Greg Proops.

01:21:07.000 Greg Proops does a live one.

01:21:09.000 He does a show called The Smartest Man in the World.

01:21:11.000 Yeah.

01:21:12.000 It's hilarious.

01:21:13.000 Oh, it's just him ranting?

01:21:14.000 Just him.

01:21:14.000 And he does it live?

01:21:15.000 People ask him questions and he does it live. 1.00

01:21:17.000 That motherfucker can rant like no one. 1.00

01:21:19.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:21:19.000 Greg Proops can... 1.00

01:21:20.000 He can just go. 1.00

01:21:22.000 And he's smart as fuck. 1.00

01:21:24.000 So he has, like, hours of information in his head. 0.99

01:21:26.000 The dude has so much information in his head.

01:21:28.000 Like, he went on a rant about Columbus. 1.00

01:21:30.000 Like, I've read a bunch of shit about Columbus. 0.99

01:21:32.000 I knew quite a bit about Columbus. 1.00

01:21:33.000 But Greg Proops went on this mad rant explaining what a cunt Columbus really was. 1.00

01:21:38.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:21:38.000 How fucking evil, you know, those people were back then. 1.00

01:21:42.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:21:42.000 You could be evil back then because there was no Twitter. 0.99

01:21:45.000 Yeah.

01:21:47.000 You can be evil and unchecked.

01:21:49.000 No Facebook.

01:21:51.000 No Facebook. 0.95

01:21:52.000 Nobody like, you're evil.

01:21:53.000 Am I evil? 1.00

01:21:54.000 Shit. 1.00

01:21:55.000 I should chill out. 1.00

01:22:00.000 Columbus is holding a baby in one hand, a sword in the other.

01:22:03.000 You can just be evil because you just had you were evil and you had your four friends who were also evil enablers.

01:22:10.000 That's true.

01:22:11.000 You just live life being evil.

01:22:12.000 Isn't that funny that that is the case, especially when you get to a new land?

01:22:16.000 Like you get in a wooden boat and you travel to the other half of the world where it's, in your eyes, completely wild.

01:22:23.000 And they can come up with all sorts of justifications of why they should just start murdering people.

01:22:27.000 And then they find out these people have gold. 1.00

01:22:30.000 Oh, shit. 1.00

01:22:31.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:22:32.000 Must have been so easy to be evil back then.

01:22:35.000 You're actually right.

01:22:36.000 Yeah.

01:22:36.000 Twitter keeps people from being as evil.

01:22:39.000 Well, entertainers.

01:22:42.000 Entertainers?

01:22:43.000 Well, God, we can call Columbus an entertainer.

01:22:45.000 No, that's what I'm saying.

01:22:46.000 I mean, I don't know if he would have been affected by Twitter, but it is something funny to think about.

01:22:51.000 But yeah, that is crazy just to be that type of...

01:22:55.000 That mind state so long ago. 0.99

01:22:58.000 We're going to this place and we're going to do some shit. 0.99

01:23:01.000 I don't know what we're doing. 0.98

01:23:03.000 Well, it's notorious when someone shows up on a boat.

01:23:06.000 This is probably the only time in human history that when a boat full of strangers shows up in your store, people aren't going to die.

01:23:15.000 Every other time in human history.

01:23:17.000 Once that boat showed up... 1.00

01:23:19.000 Most likely, people are fucking dying. 1.00

01:23:21.000 Most likely, some terrible shit's gonna get down. 1.00

01:23:23.000 Some crazy desperados who are starving to death are gonna hop off that boat and they're gonna have swords and bows and arrows and cannons. 0.99

01:23:31.000 Oh yeah, cuz they're hungry, yeah. 1.00

01:23:33.000 Fuck yeah, they're hungry, they're scurvy, there's no pussy, they're eating rats and fucking old rice. 1.00

01:23:39.000 I mean, what are they gonna do when they get off there? 1.00

01:23:40.000 They're gonna take whatever they want.

01:23:42.000 They're gonna go crazy.

01:23:44.000 Especially when there's no Twitter.

01:23:46.000 Yeah, no Twitter to say, hey man, chill on.

01:23:49.000 Hey, chill out on the pillages.

01:23:51.000 Like in the last hundred years is probably the only time where it's not a terrifying moment when a boat pulls up.

01:23:58.000 Every other time before that, it's like the 1700s or whatever it was, 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue. 0.99

01:24:05.000 All that shit? 0.99

01:24:06.000 That was a terrible time when someone pulled up in a boat. 1.00

01:24:08.000 Terrible time.

01:24:09.000 Boats?

01:24:10.000 Like, yeah, tanks?

01:24:11.000 Yeah.

01:24:12.000 And then, tanks now, when tanks pull up, something bad is happening or was happening or was about to happen.

01:24:18.000 Exactly.

01:24:18.000 A battleship.

01:24:20.000 Yeah.

01:24:21.000 Yeah.

01:24:21.000 Yeah, that's a long...

01:24:22.000 But do you think they knew that something terrible was gonna happen right away?

01:24:26.000 They were open at first, right?

01:24:28.000 Well, did you ever see that movie?

01:24:29.000 There's a movie, I think it's What the Bleep Do We Know?

01:24:32.000 I think it's this movie that tries to present this argument.

01:24:34.000 They think that the Native Americans might not have even been able to see the boat because they had no point of reference. 1.00

01:24:41.000 Which is stupid as fuck to me. 1.00

01:24:43.000 That would make no sense. 1.00

01:24:44.000 Because there's a lot of unique events that you only see for the first time. 0.99

01:24:48.000 The idea that they wouldn't be able to see it, I think it's just some woo-woo bullshit. 0.98

01:24:52.000 I think it's some non-scientific bullshit that some people try to pass off. 0.99

01:24:55.000 That's my take on it as a non-scientific bullshit artist. 1.00

01:24:59.000 But I think they wouldn't have known what the fuck it was. 0.99

01:25:03.000 If they had never seen a boat before, and then all of a sudden... 0.99

01:25:05.000 When the conquistadors landed, the people who lived, like the Aztecs, thought that they were gods.

01:25:12.000 Because they'd never seen a person on a horse before.

01:25:14.000 They'd never seen that. 0.98

01:25:16.000 They didn't know what the fuck was going on. 0.99

01:25:17.000 They saw these people on horses. 0.99

01:25:19.000 They thought the horses were part of them.

01:25:20.000 They thought they were gods.

01:25:22.000 They'd never seen anything before.

01:25:23.000 That's crazy.

01:25:24.000 They think that at one point in time, most of North America did not have horses.

01:25:28.000 Horses were brought here from somewhere else.

01:25:31.000 So the Native American Indians didn't used to have horses in the beginning.

01:25:35.000 Wait, so they brought horses on these boats?

01:25:38.000 Yeah, horses came from somewhere else.

01:25:39.000 Wow.

01:25:41.000 That was a horrible boat ride.

01:25:43.000 Because you're talking about days and days.

01:25:46.000 Yeah, with a horse.

01:25:47.000 With a horse.

01:25:48.000 Weeks.

01:25:48.000 And feeding.

01:25:49.000 Weeks!

01:25:50.000 Probably months, right?

01:25:51.000 I mean, how long did it take for Columbus to get from Spain to the Bahamas?

01:25:55.000 I don't know.

01:25:55.000 Had to be months.

01:25:57.000 I would imagine it would be months.

01:25:58.000 Months of travel.

01:25:59.000 Months of travel.

01:26:00.000 Makes sense.

01:26:00.000 I mean, you're on a boat that has to be blown around by the wind.

01:26:03.000 You're trying to get across the biggest body of water known to man. 1.00

01:26:06.000 That shit's ridiculous. 1.00

01:26:08.000 An ocean? 1.00

01:26:08.000 You're gonna get across an ocean on a floating piece of a tree. 1.00

01:26:11.000 That's the stupidest fucking thing I've ever heard. 1.00

01:26:13.000 And you're gonna do it with horses. 1.00

01:26:15.000 So do you get to take everything?

01:26:17.000 Do you think he just felt entitled? 1.00

01:26:18.000 Just like, man, it was as long as fuck. 1.00

01:26:21.000 I think people back then were ruthless. 0.99

01:26:23.000 I think they were dealing with completely different times.

01:26:26.000 People died younger.

01:26:27.000 The amount of time you were on this planet was very short. 0.99

01:26:31.000 The average person didn't get their shit together. 0.94

01:26:33.000 Probably like 30-something years of life expectancy. 0.98

01:26:36.000 I mean, there was a few people that lived longer.

01:26:39.000 But most people probably died off at 30. And also, the infant mortality rate was so high that it lowers the average age of death.

01:26:47.000 It lowers it because of that.

01:26:49.000 Infant mortality was through the roof.

01:26:51.000 It was like 50% of the kids would die back then.

01:26:53.000 During the Roman times, I believe, it was 50% child mortality rate.

01:26:57.000 You had two kids, one would be dead for sure.

01:27:00.000 Yeesh.

01:27:00.000 Yeah.

01:27:01.000 And that's normal.

01:27:02.000 That was normal.

01:27:03.000 So I think their whole idea of what's violent, what's evil, what's good, what's bad, was just completely different.

01:27:11.000 They were used to way more barbarism, way more murder.

01:27:15.000 They would marry Antoinette. 1.00

01:27:18.000 Think about when they would have those gigantic town executions and they would use the guillotine and cut someone's fucking head off in the town square. 1.00

01:27:26.000 We just think that people used to do that. 1.00

01:27:27.000 That is pretty bananas.

01:27:32.000 Like, now the guillotine is kind of, you know, used as a joke in movies or stuff.

01:27:38.000 Like, yeah, the guillotine.

01:27:39.000 But, yeah, the fact that that was real is insane.

01:27:42.000 It was real and it removed your head and you were conscious for a few minutes before you would die.

01:27:47.000 Wait, you're...

01:27:49.000 Your head would be separated from your body. 0.98

01:27:51.000 Your body would be dying.

01:27:52.000 But as the oxygen in your brain is slowly leaking out, you're conscious for probably not a few minutes, but probably at least a few seconds. 1.00

01:28:00.000 Well, you say, man, that is fucked up. 0.99

01:28:02.000 Yeah, you're looking up at a basket, and you're like, oh, you gotta be fucking kidding me. 0.99

01:28:05.000 I didn't do anything that bad. 0.93

01:28:08.000 All you had to do was piss the wrong person off that had power, and they would just be... 0.88

01:28:13.000 They were just off with your head.

01:28:15.000 That was like a common thing.

01:28:16.000 No, can we talk it through a little bit?

01:28:18.000 You need any work done?

01:28:20.000 No. 0.98

01:28:21.000 Off with your head. 1.00

01:28:22.000 Isn't it funny too that they would do that shit publicly? 1.00

01:28:24.000 Like that's what we avoid now. 0.99

01:28:26.000 We don't want the public even seeing coffins.

01:28:28.000 Yeah.

01:28:28.000 Like you're not allowed to take photographs of coffins of veterans when they're coming back.

01:28:32.000 Yeah.

01:28:33.000 The Bush administration made that illegal. 0.98

01:28:36.000 Which is kind of fucking crazy. 0.96

01:28:38.000 You're not even allowed to see a picture of someone who dies at war. 0.98

01:28:41.000 Forget about see, like, a prisoner getting executed. 1.00

01:28:44.000 You're not allowed to see any of that shit. 1.00

01:28:46.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:28:47.000 Yeah.

01:28:48.000 I mean, I don't want to see that.

01:28:49.000 Prisoner getting executed?

01:28:52.000 Nah.

01:28:53.000 If I sent you a link, you'd click it.

01:28:55.000 If I sent you a link and it says, you know, okay, let's think of someone just undeniably evil.

01:29:04.000 Hitler. 0.57

01:29:05.000 Okay.

01:29:05.000 If I sent you a link and, dude, you want to watch this video?

01:29:07.000 This is Hitler getting executed.

01:29:09.000 How's he getting executed? 1.00

01:29:10.000 He's going to get his head cut off with a sword. 1.00

01:29:12.000 What mental state am I in? 1.00

01:29:14.000 Sober, drunk, high?

01:29:16.000 Depends on when you get home.

01:29:18.000 I sent you the email at 7 p.m.

01:29:20.000 What other emails do I have?

01:29:24.000 If you had some new information about your stand-up comedy special, soon to be out on Comedy Central.

01:29:30.000 Yeah, it's out on Comedy Central Direct right now and comes out midnight on Saturday on Comedy Central.

01:29:36.000 Yeah, some information about that.

01:29:38.000 Or?

01:29:39.000 Or the Hitler thing. 1.00

01:29:41.000 Oh yeah, I clicked that shit, man. 1.00

01:29:42.000 You clicked that shit. 1.00

01:29:43.000 I know, I click it, yeah. 1.00

01:29:44.000 I click it too. 0.99

01:29:45.000 I've clicked on some shit I shouldn't have clicked. 0.99

01:29:47.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:29:47.000 The most recent one was... 0.99

01:29:49.000 Some Mexican dude cutting his girlfriend's head off for cheating. 0.99

01:29:53.000 One of the drug lords. 1.00

01:29:56.000 And it's so obviously real as fuck. 1.00

01:30:00.000 So obviously real. 1.00

01:30:01.000 His boys?

01:30:02.000 Who was filming it?

01:30:03.000 His friends.

01:30:04.000 Yeah, it was one of the cartel guys.

01:30:06.000 That's crazy.

01:30:07.000 Yeah, there's some crazy cartel videos. 0.73

01:30:09.000 There's cartel videos of them using chainsaws and cutting dudes' heads off. 0.99

01:30:12.000 But almost, I mean, I know how fucked up it is to cut your girlfriend's head off for cheating, but in that, you almost understand it. 0.99

01:30:20.000 No, no, no, I'm talking about in their world, where you're talking about Latin machismo and also being a cartel leader and your girlfriend and everybody knowing that she cheated. 1.00

01:30:31.000 Like, he had to maintain his cartel shit. 0.99

01:30:35.000 That's true. 1.00

01:30:36.000 I mean, it's awful.

01:30:37.000 It's awful. 0.99

01:30:38.000 Nobody fucking say, Hannibal condones beheading of cheating. 0.99

01:30:41.000 Too late. 0.99

01:30:42.000 Like, no.

01:30:42.000 They're writing a salon.com article right now.

01:30:47.000 Hannibal, part of rape culture. 0.54

01:30:50.000 But that is insane.

01:30:52.000 Do you have that up there?

01:30:53.000 I'm glad I didn't look.

01:30:54.000 No, we didn't have it up.

01:30:56.000 No, no, no.

01:30:56.000 We're not going to show up.

01:30:57.000 I don't want to see that shit. 1.00

01:30:59.000 Yeah, but that's... 1.00

01:31:00.000 With a knife.

01:31:02.000 That's recent?

01:31:03.000 Oh, yeah.

01:31:03.000 It's hard to watch, man.

01:31:05.000 It's really hard to watch.

01:31:05.000 And he holds her head up.

01:31:07.000 Like, the reason she was cheating is because he was so busy running the cartel.

01:31:12.000 I don't know what their history was.

01:31:14.000 I would assume he's in the wrong.

01:31:17.000 I'm sure running a cartel is very time-consuming. 1.00

01:31:20.000 And she needed some dick. 1.00

01:31:22.000 It doesn't mean that she didn't love him. 1.00

01:31:25.000 Yeah, I would say the same. 1.00

01:31:26.000 If I was there while this argument was going down, he's like, I'm going to cut her fucking head off. 1.00

01:31:30.000 I'm like, dude, relax. 1.00

01:31:31.000 Dude, you...

01:31:32.000 Come on.

01:31:33.000 She appreciates you.

01:31:34.000 She just needed some attention. 1.00

01:31:37.000 She needed a little dick. 1.00

01:31:38.000 Come on! 1.00

01:31:40.000 Now, look at it this way. 1.00

01:31:41.000 You got a fucking green light to cheat however you want. 1.00

01:31:44.000 Actually, the green light and the cartel, they just do whatever the fuck they want. 0.99

01:31:47.000 At this point in time, I mean, how much money those guys have? 0.90

01:31:51.000 They have cartels where the head guys have like a billion dollars. 0.96

01:31:55.000 It's like make Al Capone look ridiculous.

01:31:58.000 Are we in danger of being attacked by the cartel now? 0.96

01:32:03.000 I don't think so.

01:32:04.000 I don't think they've ever developed, like, real legitimate military power, but what they have developed is local power.

01:32:10.000 Like, they don't have...

01:32:11.000 No, I mean, me and you as individuals.

01:32:13.000 No, we haven't said anything bad.

01:32:14.000 Okay, cool.

01:32:15.000 What if we said bad?

01:32:15.000 I don't know.

01:32:16.000 They make a lot of money, and they don't tolerate cheating.

01:32:18.000 Alright.

01:32:18.000 Yeah.

01:32:20.000 So are we part of cartel propaganda?

01:32:23.000 That's interesting.

01:32:24.000 If we were probably, if we were cartel sympathizers?

01:32:27.000 Yeah.

01:32:27.000 But I don't think we are.

01:32:28.000 I don't think so.

01:32:29.000 I think what we are is, look, the whole reason why cartels exist is what we were talking about earlier.

01:32:35.000 Should cocaine be legal?

01:32:36.000 Well, if cocaine's not legal, who's going to sell it?

01:32:38.000 Because people are going to smoke it, snort it, smoke it, whatever they do with it. 0.98

01:32:42.000 Shoot it. 1.00

01:32:42.000 Some people shoot it. 1.00

01:32:44.000 They're going to do it. 0.99

01:32:45.000 Who's going to profit?

01:32:46.000 Criminals.

01:32:47.000 Is it better to have Pfizer sell coke or is it better to have the mafia down in...

01:32:53.000 Pfizer.

01:32:54.000 I say Pfizer.

01:32:55.000 I say let Pfizer profit off of it.

01:32:57.000 So, Joe, what you're saying is that if cocaine was legal, this woman would still be alive.

01:33:04.000 You know what?

01:33:05.000 You might have a point there.

01:33:06.000 I think...

01:33:07.000 I mean, it's a long way to go, but I think that's what it is.

01:33:12.000 Well, I definitely think some people would be alive.

01:33:15.000 There would be less violence.

01:33:18.000 There would be less money spent in jails, on jails.

01:33:22.000 What they've done in Portugal is a clear indicator that we're on the wrong path with keeping everything illegal and locking people up.

01:33:30.000 Putting private prisons up, throwing people in there, profiting off the fact they're in there.

01:33:35.000 Portugal, they've lowered everything.

01:33:36.000 They've lowered the rates of addiction.

01:33:38.000 They've lowered violent crime.

01:33:39.000 They've lowered the amount of money they have to spend on legal fees and courts and prisons. 0.97

01:33:44.000 They've lowered all that shit just by decriminalizing all drugs. 0.98

01:33:48.000 They just made it so that people aren't fucking locked up as criminals anymore. 0.99

01:33:52.000 For a choice. 0.96

01:33:54.000 Like, choose alcohol, which will... 1.00

01:33:55.000 Fuck you up, man. 1.00

01:33:57.000 You and I... Listen, I was in the Apple store last week. 1.00

01:34:02.000 Trust me. 0.99

01:34:03.000 But we could get fucked up in like 20 minutes. 0.99

01:34:06.000 Jamie could go back there, break out some whiskey, and we could just start doing shots. 0.99

01:34:09.000 Within 15 minutes, we would be unrecognizable. 0.94

01:34:13.000 You could get fucked up in like a short amount of time with alcohol, like a really short amount of time. 0.98

01:34:19.000 Why is that legal? 0.98

01:34:21.000 And Coke's not.

01:34:23.000 Why?

01:34:23.000 Arbitrary.

01:34:24.000 Completely arbitrary.

01:34:24.000 There's no logical sense.

01:34:26.000 It doesn't make sense.

01:34:28.000 The same type of person who would go on a coke binge will also go on a drunken rampage.

01:34:33.000 Yeah.

01:34:34.000 Well, you can't go on a coke rampage.

01:34:37.000 You can go on both.

01:34:38.000 Okay.

01:34:38.000 You can go on a drunken binge.

01:34:41.000 Yeah.

01:34:41.000 You can go on a drunken rampage.

01:34:43.000 You can go on a coke binge or a coke rampage.

01:34:45.000 Yeah.

01:34:47.000 But I agree with you.

01:34:48.000 I'd rather be around the guy on coke.

01:34:51.000 So there you go.

01:34:52.000 You got a drunk problem.

01:34:56.000 America's got a giant drunk problem. 0.99

01:34:58.000 We got alcohol everywhere.

01:34:59.000 People die of alcohol for the hundreds of thousands.

01:35:01.000 Drunk drivers. 1.00

01:35:03.000 All that shit. 1.00

01:35:04.000 What's better, though? 1.00

01:35:05.000 Coke drivers or drunk drivers?

01:35:07.000 I don't know, man.

01:35:08.000 I think...

01:35:09.000 I don't know the stats, man.

01:35:14.000 If you had to guess.

01:35:15.000 If I had to guess?

01:35:16.000 Would you rather be in a car with a dude who's coked up or a dude who's drunk and he's driving? 1.00

01:35:20.000 I think the coked up dude would be driving fast, but he'll make those lane shifts like a motherfucker. 1.00

01:35:30.000 I think he'll be like, oh shit, how'd you do that, man? 1.00

01:35:35.000 I got it, I got it, I got it, I got it, I got it. 0.99

01:35:37.000 When we open up our business, I'm going to take you to driving school.

01:35:39.000 He'll be pulling right into parking spots that you normally have to parallel into.

01:35:44.000 He'll just pull right in with tight spots.

01:35:47.000 How'd you do that?

01:35:48.000 The world around it.

01:35:50.000 Dude, let's open up a driving business. 0.96

01:35:51.000 I'm fucking awesome at driving. 0.93

01:35:52.000 We had to do a cool driving school, man. 0.94

01:35:54.000 When I was a kid, I passed it the first time I tried. 1.00

01:35:57.000 I got the written shit, the driver shit. 0.99

01:35:59.000 I got all the information. 1.00

01:35:59.000 I got the knowledge. 1.00

01:36:00.000 My dad's got books.

01:36:02.000 I just need $100,000.

01:36:04.000 Come on, man.

01:36:04.000 Let's do this.

01:36:05.000 Let's make money.

01:36:06.000 Let's make money.

01:36:07.000 Come on, man. 1.00

01:36:07.000 We'll get some bitches. 1.00

01:36:08.000 It'd be great. 0.99

01:36:11.000 Yeah, definitely.

01:36:12.000 I would talk to the coke guy first, and I would drive with the coke guy first.

01:36:15.000 Look at that, folks.

01:36:16.000 Also, where am I? I would probably try to drive, too.

01:36:20.000 But that fucks up everything.

01:36:22.000 Oh, I would definitely drive.

01:36:23.000 If I had the option, I would be the guy driving over the drunk driver or the coke driver. 1.00

01:36:28.000 Oh, definitely.

01:36:29.000 Yeah.

01:36:30.000 But if you couldn't drive for some strange reason.

01:36:33.000 Like, I'm injured and I need somebody to take me to the hospital.

01:36:36.000 The only person is the coke friend or the drunk friend.

01:36:39.000 Coke friend is taking me to the hospital.

01:36:40.000 Yeah, or you're on The Walking Dead and you get picked up on the side of the road and you're just happy it's not a zombie and it's a dude who's on coke.

01:36:47.000 Yeah, I would definitely...

01:36:49.000 If I had to fight zombies...

01:36:51.000 You'd want to do some coke.

01:36:52.000 I want the dude that's on coke with me fighting zombies.

01:36:55.000 I would want the dude on PCP. Oh, PCP, yes.

01:36:58.000 Yeah, that's the motherfucker you want. 1.00

01:37:00.000 Yes. 1.00

01:37:00.000 But he would make irrational choices. 1.00

01:37:02.000 What, about? 1.00

01:37:03.000 They do crazy shit. 1.00

01:37:05.000 But he'd be all, he'd have a straight old meth, somebody on meth fighting zombies. 1.00

01:37:09.000 That's a good move, too.

01:37:10.000 Which is like an accelerated version of Adderall.

01:37:13.000 Yeah.

01:37:15.000 Really?

01:37:15.000 Yeah.

01:37:15.000 Yeah, it is.

01:37:16.000 Yeah.

01:37:17.000 Somehow or another related.

01:37:18.000 Except for the teeth part.

01:37:20.000 That's the real accelerated.

01:37:22.000 The teeth part?

01:37:23.000 The teeth thing.

01:37:24.000 What do you mean?

01:37:24.000 The teeth thing and the destroying your face thing.

01:37:27.000 Oh, what do you mean?

01:37:28.000 With meth.

01:37:29.000 Yeah.

01:37:29.000 Oh, yeah.

01:37:30.000 Rot your teeth out?

01:37:31.000 Rot your teeth out.

01:37:31.000 Isn't it just any form of speed once they start doing speed?

01:37:34.000 I think they forget to brush, too.

01:37:36.000 That's part of it.

01:37:36.000 Part of brush?

01:37:37.000 Uh-uh.

01:37:38.000 Just doing speed.

01:37:38.000 Like, meth mouth is a real...

01:37:40.000 I haven't done that much research on meth because it hasn't affected my life that much.

01:37:45.000 Isn't that messed up?

01:37:46.000 I mean, sometimes I research stuff that doesn't have to deal with me, but meth mouth is a real issue.

01:37:52.000 Dude, it's in Wikipedia.

01:37:53.000 You're 100% right.

01:37:55.000 Meth mouth is a term by itself?

01:37:57.000 It is.

01:37:57.000 Look, there's a whole page in Wikipedia.

01:38:00.000 Meth mouth.

01:38:01.000 Oh, no!

01:38:02.000 That's horrible.

01:38:03.000 Yeah, go to meth mouth on Wiki.

01:38:05.000 Yeah, so I don't think there's anything called Adderall mouth.

01:38:08.000 That's just a dry mouth.

01:38:08.000 You drink a lot of water.

01:38:09.000 You end up hydrating yourself, you're in better health.

01:38:11.000 This is insane.

01:38:13.000 Oh my god.

01:38:15.000 Dental condition characterized by severe decay and loss of teeth as well as fracture, enamel erosion, and other oral problems.

01:38:24.000 Symptomatic of extended use of the drug methamphetamine.

01:38:28.000 The specific cause of the condition is unknown, although drug-induced, hmm, xerostomia, dry mouth.

01:38:40.000 Why don't you just call it dry mouth?

01:38:41.000 Why do you get crafty?

01:38:42.000 It's something I can't even pronounce.

01:38:44.000 As well as bruxism, which is grinding of the teeth, are thought to be involved.

01:38:49.000 Wow, this is crazy. 1.00

01:38:50.000 They grind their own fucking teeth off. 1.00

01:38:52.000 That picture is a classic meth mouth. 1.00

01:38:55.000 You can tell by looking at the other teeth. 0.99

01:38:57.000 That person isn't even that fucking old. 1.00

01:38:59.000 They just did some crazy shit to their teeth. 1.00

01:39:02.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:39:02.000 I hope the party was awesome. 0.99

01:39:04.000 Poor nutrition, eating too much sugar, lack of dental hygiene, common among long-term users of the drugs.

01:39:10.000 I didn't know that meth users eat a lot of sugar, but that totally makes sense.

01:39:16.000 The legitimacy of meth mouth as a unique condition has been questioned because of the similar effects of some other drugs on the teeth.

01:39:24.000 Treating meth mouth is difficult.

01:39:27.000 Yeah, because your teeth are gone.

01:39:29.000 The best treatment for meth mouth is veneers.

01:39:35.000 Yeah, you'd have to just chew them all down and get some dental implants.

01:39:38.000 Get some new teeth.

01:39:39.000 Some bulletproof teeth.

01:39:40.000 Yeah, man.

01:39:42.000 Yeah, have you ever seen a person have like a tooth where they do the root, a gentle implant?

01:39:48.000 No, not a dental implant.

01:39:49.000 Oh, it's crazy.

01:39:50.000 I got veneers, though.

01:39:51.000 I got TV teeth.

01:39:52.000 You got some, what do they do?

01:39:54.000 They scrape the outside off and put a beautiful shell on?

01:39:55.000 Yeah, these front foes, TV teeth, man.

01:39:58.000 Oh, those are beautiful.

01:39:58.000 Let me say smile.

01:39:59.000 Oh, those are pretty.

01:40:00.000 Yeah, man.

01:40:01.000 Do they make them perfect?

01:40:02.000 Is that what it is?

01:40:02.000 That's how you got them?

01:40:03.000 Yeah, because I had a chipped tooth and a gap, and I was like, man, I'm probably going to be on TV a lot in the next few years.

01:40:09.000 Let me fix this real quick.

01:40:11.000 So I got it fixed in 2011, I got them fixed.

01:40:16.000 There's something sexy about a really hot girl with a gap in her teeth. 1.00

01:40:20.000 Something like extra sexy.

01:40:22.000 Yeah, girls with gaps used to connect with me. 1.00

01:40:24.000 Like, you got a gap, I got a gap.

01:40:26.000 Like, not for long.

01:40:27.000 It doesn't bother me, though.

01:40:29.000 Does it bother you if a pretty girl has a gap in her teeth? 1.00

01:40:30.000 No, not at all.

01:40:31.000 Not even a little bit, right?

01:40:32.000 No, not at all.

01:40:33.000 It was just my own thing.

01:40:34.000 I was like, I'm going to be on TV. I don't want to have cracked teeth on TV. But a gap is different than snaggle teeth.

01:40:40.000 Yeah.

01:40:41.000 They're all snaggled.

01:40:43.000 My bottom teeth are kind of snaggle.

01:40:45.000 This one is one that goes back. 0.99

01:40:49.000 It's all fucked up. 0.99

01:40:50.000 I'm not going to get it fixed. 1.00

01:40:51.000 I'm a man.

01:40:51.000 My top ones are fine.

01:40:53.000 I don't give a shit. 0.99

01:40:54.000 But if I was a girl, nobody wants to look at a snaggly-toothed-mouthed girl. 1.00

01:40:59.000 Yeah, snaggly is not a good look.

01:41:03.000 It's not good.

01:41:04.000 When you get the extra teeth, those weird people that have extra teeth that pop out of the gums in weird spots.

01:41:09.000 Yeah.

01:41:11.000 It's just, you know, all men are not created equal. 0.99

01:41:15.000 But why do we give a fuck? 0.96

01:41:17.000 Why does anybody care about if someone's teeth are not perfectly in line? 0.98

01:41:20.000 What part of our brain is being bothered by the lack of symmetry?

01:41:24.000 Yeah, that's what it is.

01:41:25.000 It's just symmetry.

01:41:26.000 I don't know what part it is, but people like symmetry.

01:41:28.000 For the same reason, it wouldn't anger me, but if this painting was a little bit off, I'd be like, ooh, it's a little bit off.

01:41:37.000 The other ones...

01:41:39.000 Look, they're on point, but if it was a little bit off, I would notice it. 1.00

01:41:42.000 It would fuck with you. 1.00

01:41:43.000 It would fuck with me. 1.00

01:41:44.000 I should tilt Jimi Hendrix noticeably just to fuck with the next guest. 1.00

01:41:48.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:41:49.000 Just leave it there kind of cockeyed and not say shit about it. 0.95

01:41:52.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:41:52.000 I'm going to do that. 0.99

01:41:53.000 Don't tell Adam Carolla I'm going to fuck with him. 1.00

01:41:56.000 I'm going to twist that shit up. 1.00

01:41:58.000 Yeah, so it's just, I think, yeah, it's just a human brain likes, you know, symmetry, perfect lines, you know? 0.99

01:42:05.000 Yeah, but why?

01:42:06.000 But why?

01:42:07.000 I don't know.

01:42:07.000 At a certain point in time, logic should take over, but it doesn't.

01:42:11.000 But that shit just looks good, man. 1.00

01:42:13.000 Right. 1.00

01:42:13.000 You know, I mean, like, if somebody got a weird tooth, it's just the same reason why, you know, if your car got hit in the front headlight and smashed in a little bit, the car still runs well, but you want that shit fixed because it looks dumb. 1.00

01:42:28.000 I agree with you 100%. 0.99

01:42:29.000 I'm just trying to figure out why.

01:42:30.000 Why? 1.00

01:42:32.000 We like shit that looks good, man. 1.00

01:42:33.000 I know, we do, but isn't that weird, right? 1.00

01:42:36.000 Why?

01:42:36.000 Like, are you a car guy?

01:42:38.000 Do you like cars?

01:42:39.000 I do like cars.

01:42:40.000 Like, what's your favorite car?

01:42:42.000 I got a few favorites.

01:42:43.000 Actually, favorite...

01:42:45.000 If they're listening, I like the Lincoln MKS. That's a beautiful car.

01:42:50.000 Yeah, I like that car.

01:42:52.000 It's a spaceship.

01:42:53.000 Yeah, I like that car.

01:42:54.000 And what else?

01:42:55.000 I mean, I like some Benzes.

01:42:59.000 Pull up the 2014 Mercedes-Benz S-Class.

01:43:05.000 Pull up a picture of this.

01:43:06.000 This is like, if you think about the cream of the crop of luxury automobiles.

01:43:11.000 Like a Mercedes-Benz.

01:43:13.000 There's no ugly Mercedes-Benz. 0.99

01:43:15.000 They have a bunch of German scientists that are fucking trying to figure out what the symmetry is. 0.95

01:43:21.000 Do a Google search of silver 2014 Mercedes-Benz S-Class. 0.96

01:43:28.000 There's something beautiful about it.

01:43:30.000 Inescapably beautiful.

01:43:32.000 But when you look at the picture...

01:43:34.000 Like, why? 0.98

01:43:35.000 Like, what the fuck is it? 0.99

01:43:36.000 Like, what is it about that thing? 1.00

01:43:38.000 Yeah, it looks slick as fuck. 0.99

01:43:40.000 Look at that. 0.98

01:43:40.000 The grill is a big part of it. 0.98

01:43:43.000 You can't say shit about that car. 0.97

01:43:45.000 No one can say that's not a good looking car. 0.99

01:43:46.000 Yeah.

01:43:46.000 That's a masterpiece.

01:43:48.000 Right.

01:43:48.000 They designed it to make it smooth.

01:43:51.000 If you get in that car and drive off, you're a motherfucker who's going somewhere. 1.00

01:43:55.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:43:55.000 Someone who sits in that car and they're at traffic, like that's a guy who's doing, or a gal, who's doing well. 1.00

01:44:02.000 You have a beautiful car.

01:44:04.000 Look at him and his Mercedes-Benz.

01:44:07.000 It's a smooth car.

01:44:08.000 It probably rides well.

01:44:10.000 Why does it look good?

01:44:12.000 Why do some things look good to you and they don't look good to me?

01:44:16.000 Like, here's something. 1.00

01:44:18.000 I have a friend who loves those fucking stupid Mercedes, those bread truck looking things. 1.00

01:44:24.000 Those old school ones that are real square. 1.00

01:44:28.000 Splinter or the...

01:44:29.000 What are they called?

01:44:30.000 Sprinter?

01:44:30.000 They look like a Jeep.

01:44:32.000 They look like a Jeep.

01:44:33.000 But it's the big...

01:44:34.000 I think you're talking about a Sprinter.

01:44:35.000 Some people use them as tour bus.

01:44:37.000 Oh, no, that one.

01:44:38.000 Or the G5. Yeah, that's the one.

01:44:40.000 I take it back.

01:44:41.000 Mercedes doesn't make one ugly car. 1.00

01:44:42.000 It's this one.

01:44:43.000 That's ugly as far.

01:44:44.000 Yeah, I wouldn't...

01:44:45.000 I don't like...

01:44:46.000 I guess it's just...

01:44:46.000 But sometimes the brand can take over.

01:44:49.000 It is totally a takeover. 1.00

01:44:50.000 That shit's square as fuck. 1.00

01:44:52.000 But people love it. 1.00

01:44:53.000 I mean, don't get me wrong.

01:44:54.000 Someone gave me one.

01:44:55.000 I would drive it.

01:44:55.000 I'm sure it's lovely to drive.

01:44:57.000 Mercedes is... 0.96

01:44:58.000 They're masterpieces of engineering.

01:45:00.000 But, you know, look at that and then, like, look at a new Range Rover.

01:45:04.000 You want to look at, like, a beautiful SUV? Pull up the image of the new Range Rover and you see, like, a futuristic...

01:45:12.000 Beautiful looking SUV. But it's why?

01:45:14.000 Yeah.

01:45:15.000 Why do I like one or the other?

01:45:18.000 I never can figure out what it is that appeals.

01:45:21.000 I don't know what it is.

01:45:22.000 It just varies by person.

01:45:25.000 Like, I got these shoes.

01:45:26.000 A company sent me these shoes.

01:45:28.000 And they sent me some shoes that look great.

01:45:30.000 And they sent me some shoes. 0.99

01:45:31.000 And I'm like, what the fuck? 0.99

01:45:32.000 I would never wear this. 0.99

01:45:34.000 And so my little cousin, she was visiting me from college.

01:45:37.000 She visited me in New York last week. 1.00

01:45:38.000 And I was like, look at these ugly fucking shoes. 1.00

01:45:40.000 They look like if Chester Cheetah wore purple. 1.00

01:45:43.000 And she was like, those look great.

01:45:45.000 Those what?

01:45:46.000 I want to give those to my boy.

01:45:48.000 Those shoes are awesome. 0.99

01:45:49.000 I was like, what the fuck? 0.99

01:45:51.000 And so it's just subjective, you know what I mean? 0.99

01:45:53.000 People, you know, people, it's just subjective.

01:45:56.000 Some people's eyes like different things, some people have different aesthetics and just tastes, and that's what it is.

01:46:02.000 Because I thought those shoes were gross, and I will never wear, I still won't ever wear them, but there's some people that might like those shoes.

01:46:08.000 I thought, yeah.

01:46:09.000 I'm totally with you.

01:46:10.000 I always wondered, I want to, see that's a new, look at the difference between those two.

01:46:16.000 This is a boxy looking bread truck, and that's a spaceship.

01:46:20.000 That's a beautiful spaceship.

01:46:22.000 I've always wanted to know what you see, like anybody, any other person.

01:46:27.000 I assume that everybody sees what I see.

01:46:30.000 I assume that when you're looking at Meth Mouth, you see the same thing I'm looking at when you're looking at these pictures.

01:46:35.000 But I don't know.

01:46:36.000 I really don't know.

01:46:38.000 I'm just guessing.

01:46:39.000 I mean, imagine if you use somebody's eyes, if you see through somebody's...

01:46:43.000 And the whole world's completely different, a totally different vibe.

01:46:47.000 Do you mean see just as far as the visual or see...

01:46:51.000 As far as how people process things.

01:46:53.000 Both.

01:46:53.000 With their brain.

01:46:54.000 Both.

01:46:54.000 That's a totally different...

01:46:56.000 Yeah.

01:46:56.000 That's crazy.

01:46:57.000 Oh, you smoke, so you're probably like, how do I look when I move around to other people?

01:47:04.000 You ever see yourself on video and you're like, whoa, is that really what I look like?

01:47:07.000 I move around like that? 1.00

01:47:08.000 Oh, shit. 1.00

01:47:08.000 I was fat then. 1.00

01:47:10.000 That was a fat day.

01:47:11.000 Oh, man.

01:47:12.000 Should've got a haircut.

01:47:13.000 Oh, man.

01:47:13.000 My posture.

01:47:15.000 Actually, you know what's funny?

01:47:18.000 I did Letterman a couple years ago.

01:47:21.000 And I hate it because my suit is horrible. 0.99

01:47:23.000 But not only is my suit horrible, but my entrance, it sucks. 0.84

01:47:27.000 I walk out on Letterman, and I'm like bound.

01:47:29.000 And I'm like...

01:47:30.000 Like, it's the worst.

01:47:32.000 It's no...

01:47:34.000 I mean, it's confident, but it's not...

01:47:35.000 Like, I don't look how I thought I looked when I was walking out.

01:47:38.000 I'm like, yeah, I'm walking out on Letterman, in my mind.

01:47:40.000 And I see the video.

01:47:41.000 Can you pull it up?

01:47:42.000 When I see the video, I'm like...

01:47:44.000 Like, it's not...

01:47:45.000 It's just like real heavy.

01:47:47.000 Look at...

01:47:50.000 Maybe I'm overanalyzing it too, but that suit is horrible. 1.00

01:47:53.000 Look at that garbage suit. 0.99

01:47:54.000 There's nothing wrong with that suit. 1.00

01:47:55.000 That suit is garbage, man. 1.00

01:47:57.000 What's garbage about it? 1.00

01:47:58.000 The fit of it is tight. 0.96

01:48:00.000 It's weird.

01:48:01.000 I think I buttoned the wrong button.

01:48:03.000 It's a weird fit.

01:48:05.000 I think it's fine, man. 1.00

01:48:07.000 Yeah, you're fucking with yourself. 1.00

01:48:08.000 Did you get crazy? 1.00

01:48:10.000 Were you high when you looked at this and got freaked out by it?

01:48:12.000 No, it's just when it, like, yeah. 0.99

01:48:14.000 I mean, my girlfriend gives me shit about it sometimes. 1.00

01:48:17.000 She gives you shit about that video? 1.00

01:48:18.000 That suit, yeah. 1.00

01:48:19.000 That suit.

01:48:20.000 She's like, that suit was horrible.

01:48:21.000 Or there's another time I wore a horrible suit.

01:48:23.000 Because I got better suits now, so I'll see it. 0.97

01:48:26.000 I'm like, man, that suit sucks. 0.94

01:48:28.000 Are you a suit guy? 0.97

01:48:30.000 Do you get your suits tailored?

01:48:31.000 Do you ever do that?

01:48:32.000 I got my first tailored suit a few weeks ago for this event I did for the Bulls in Chicago.

01:48:37.000 So I needed a suit last minute, so I splurged on a suit and got a nice one, and it was killer, and I'm making sure that I wear as many events as I can just to get my money's worth for the suit.

01:48:48.000 That's a sign of being a grown-up, man.

01:48:50.000 You get a nice suit.

01:48:52.000 Fancy man.

01:48:53.000 They tailed it there, and it felt slick, and it was a smooth suit. 0.98

01:48:58.000 That's what made me realize that my other suits were garbage.

01:49:00.000 When I put on a good suit, I was like, this is how a suit should look. 1.00

01:49:05.000 I looked at the other shit, I was like, oh, fuck. 1.00

01:49:07.000 I was on TV like that. 1.00

01:49:11.000 Every TV special I've ever done has been like a t-shirt.

01:49:14.000 Or, you know, long sleeve t-shirt jeans usually.

01:49:16.000 Yeah.

01:49:17.000 I don't want to dress in a way that I don't normally dress when I'm comfortable.

01:49:20.000 Right.

01:49:21.000 You know?

01:49:21.000 Yeah, I don't, uh, for my, like for TV appearances just to, or like, uh, late night shows.

01:49:28.000 Like, doing a set, I'll put on a suit just out of respect for the show, you know what I mean?

01:49:33.000 Right, right, right.

01:49:34.000 But for my special, my first one I just wore a button-up, and then my latest one, I wore a jacket over, I wore a nice jacket over a t-shirt, which is just, this is amazing, because people, like, that's just jeans and t-shirt, but you put a jacket, 0.96

01:49:49.000 people are like, holy shit, you look great! 0.98

01:49:52.000 Yeah, I just put a jacket over my regular shit. 1.00

01:49:57.000 A jacket makes you look like you're a professional. 0.99

01:49:59.000 But also it just makes people... 0.99

01:50:01.000 It's funny how clothes will determine how people just approach you and just how people treat you and how people talk to you and how people respond to the shit. 0.97

01:50:09.000 You have to say a jacket or a suit will just change everything. 0.99

01:50:13.000 Especially if you're a young man.

01:50:15.000 Especially if you're a man in his 20s.

01:50:17.000 A guy in his 20s with a suit is totally different than a guy in his 20s with a t-shirt.

01:50:21.000 Yeah.

01:50:23.000 Yeah, it is.

01:50:24.000 That person seems more intelligent all of a sudden.

01:50:28.000 They're more respectful.

01:50:29.000 Yeah, more respectful.

01:50:31.000 It's weird that that's...

01:50:33.000 I think about that too.

01:50:35.000 How did suits become...

01:50:36.000 How did that become the way to dress?

01:50:38.000 Was one dude like, I'm gonna wear this.

01:50:40.000 And people were like, that looks good. 1.00

01:50:41.000 Where do I get that shit at? 0.99

01:50:43.000 Yeah, dude who has like a suit and tie on and is holding a clipboard. 1.00

01:50:47.000 Automatically you take him seriously.

01:50:48.000 You take him seriously.

01:50:49.000 You defer to him.

01:50:50.000 I gotta ask him something.

01:50:51.000 Let me be respectful.

01:50:52.000 He might shut me down.

01:50:54.000 He might ruin my life.

01:50:55.000 He might ruin my night.

01:50:56.000 The same kid with flip-flops on and a t-shirt, a pair of shorts. 1.00

01:50:59.000 Look at this piece of shit. 1.00

01:51:01.000 How did he get this job? 1.00

01:51:02.000 Who is he?

01:51:04.000 Yeah, imagine if you went to a Mercedes dealership and you wanted to buy one of those beautiful cars. 0.99

01:51:09.000 The guy working behind the counter is wearing fucking flip flops and shorts. 1.00

01:51:13.000 He's telling you all this crazy shit about Mercedes. 1.00

01:51:16.000 Like Mercedes, the engineering is the finest in all of Europe. 0.99

01:51:19.000 And what they do is run. 1.00

01:51:21.000 And you'd be like, I'm going to listen to this fucking idiot with his stupid feet. 1.00

01:51:24.000 Look at his feet. 1.00

01:51:25.000 Look at his toes.

01:51:26.000 He got something in between his toes.

01:51:28.000 But you know what I don't like is that sometimes people will use that against you.

01:51:32.000 Where I'll stay at a nice hotel and a person...

01:51:35.000 Sometimes people at the hotel, they dress nice and they'll take on the vibe like they own the hotel.

01:51:42.000 It's like, relax.

01:51:44.000 Relax a little bit.

01:51:45.000 Sir, we do not allow that in this Chateau Mamouchma. 1.00

01:51:51.000 And I want to say, sir, I think you make $30,000 to $50,000 a year.

01:51:56.000 Calm down.

01:51:57.000 But they talk in this way.

01:51:59.000 They're the king.

01:52:00.000 Relax a little bit. 1.00

01:52:03.000 And then maybe if I had on a suit, I'd be like, sir, you shut the fuck up. 0.99

01:52:06.000 I'm also a suit right now. 0.99

01:52:11.000 That's true, right?

01:52:11.000 If you wear flip-flops and a dude is wearing a suit, he automatically is one-upping you.

01:52:17.000 And you could be a rich fucking dude, unless you got a crazy fat watch. 0.99

01:52:21.000 If you show up, if you're checking into a fancy hotel and you're wearing the flip-flops, but you got some stupid fucking gigantic $20,000 watch on your arm, and people know it, and you're gesturing with your hands a lot, it's this big fucking chunky diamond-crusted watch, 1.00

01:52:37.000 like, oh, okay, we gotta listen to this guy. 0.99

01:52:39.000 Yeah.

01:52:39.000 Let him talk a little bit.

01:52:41.000 He's got some money.

01:52:43.000 But yeah, I mean, I think...

01:52:45.000 I actually like dressing horribly in high-level situations.

01:52:52.000 I love...

01:52:53.000 I get upgraded or I fly first a lot, and I love being in jogging pants.

01:52:58.000 I love being a young black dude in jogging pants in first class. 0.83

01:53:03.000 And people like...

01:53:05.000 I think it would have fitted hat on and my headphones. 0.99

01:53:09.000 And people are like, what the fuck is it? 0.99

01:53:10.000 How did he... 0.99

01:53:11.000 How is he?

01:53:12.000 Where is he?

01:53:14.000 How do you think he...

01:53:15.000 What do you think he...

01:53:16.000 And my favorite thing, I don't know what it is, if it's my demeanor or whatever, but I like it because I like my...

01:53:21.000 Nobody ever talks to me at first.

01:53:23.000 Just about nobody.

01:53:24.000 Nobody ever...

01:53:25.000 I'm always...

01:53:26.000 He's probably a rich, rich celebrity.

01:53:30.000 Nobody ever talks to me in first.

01:53:33.000 Whereas my girl, when she'll fly first, like, I hear about her, she'll tell me, I talk to this business guy, blah, blah, blah, and I met this rapper who was on the plane with me, and this first, like, these people will just babble minds to her.

01:53:46.000 Babble minds is a term my cousin made, where people just talk to you when you don't want them to talk.

01:53:50.000 Or people monopolize the conversation.

01:53:52.000 Babble minds. 1.00

01:53:53.000 But people will just talk, obviously because she's a girl, but it's just a funny thing where people won't even...

01:53:58.000 Engage, usually, with me on a plane.

01:54:00.000 I got an ear-beating from me and Tommy Segura.

01:54:04.000 Do you know Tommy Segura?

01:54:05.000 Yeah.

01:54:05.000 Me and Tommy Segura were on a flight once, and this woman, who was the attendant on the flight, she gave us the most unbelievable ear-beating I've ever experienced in my life.

01:54:16.000 It was just staggering.

01:54:18.000 Her stamina, her ability to not recognize clues...

01:54:22.000 Her breath control.

01:54:24.000 The whole thing.

01:54:25.000 She asked us if we would like some wine.

01:54:28.000 And we said, sure.

01:54:30.000 And I forget what Tommy asked for.

01:54:32.000 He asked for Cabernet or Pinot Noir.

01:54:34.000 Like, do you have a, you know, you have a, whatever.

01:54:36.000 He asked for a typical, and she started cracking some joke about the movie Sideways.

01:54:41.000 Do you ever see that movie?

01:54:42.000 I haven't.

01:54:42.000 It's a movie about, it's with the dude from Wings.

01:54:47.000 It's a fucking cool ass guy's name. 1.00

01:54:51.000 Fucking shit. 1.00

01:54:52.000 What's his name? 1.00

01:54:54.000 The dude, Church? 1.00

01:54:55.000 What the fuck is his name? 1.00

01:54:57.000 Thomas Hayden Church. 1.00

01:54:58.000 Yeah.

01:54:59.000 Who's a very cool guy, actually.

01:55:01.000 And, you know, it's all about wine.

01:55:03.000 And so she starts reciting this scene.

01:55:05.000 It's like that scene in, you know, blah, blah, blah.

01:55:07.000 And then she goes, well, I've never really been into wine.

01:55:09.000 But I'll tell you what, there was a guy once that, you know, blah, blah, blah.

01:55:11.000 He had the bottle of wine.

01:55:13.000 He brings it to the restaurant.

01:55:14.000 And she just... 0.99

01:55:15.000 Going on and on and on, and I'm not exaggerating, like 15 minutes, she won't shut the fuck up. 1.00

01:55:21.000 She's just hovering over this chair, and we're panicking. 0.98

01:55:23.000 This is on a plane? 1.00

01:55:24.000 On the fucking plane! 1.00

01:55:25.000 This is a flight attendant? 1.00

01:55:26.000 On the fucking plane! 1.00

01:55:27.000 Oh! 1.00

01:55:28.000 She's leaning over the seat, just beating us into submission with this stupid-ass story. 1.00

01:55:34.000 And so I start writing down, I'm in the window seat, and he's in the aisle, so he's stuck with her side. 1.00

01:55:39.000 I abandon him and just start looking out the window.

01:55:42.000 It's like, I can't do this anymore.

01:55:43.000 I have to start looking out the window.

01:55:44.000 She won't stop. 0.99

01:55:45.000 She's worked her way from the quote from the movie Sideways to a story about a dude with wine, to a story about her ex-husband, and it's a fucking murderous assault on the eardrums. 0.99

01:55:56.000 Probably Tom was probably so punch drunk at the time where he couldn't think, wait, shoulda went to the bathroom. 0.66

01:56:02.000 Well, Tommy had a really interesting point, because Tommy, I abandoned him and I left him to be slaughtered by her, and he developed a psychological profile of her.

01:56:11.000 And so he said, I think, because we were on a small plane, it was a small flight, and he goes, I think the reason why this lady's on a small flight is because other ladies don't want to work with her. 1.00

01:56:20.000 So they stick her on these small flights where she works by herself because she's clueless. 0.97

01:56:25.000 Because she doesn't know when to shut the fuck up and everybody wants to get away from her. 1.00

01:56:28.000 So they just stick her on these little flights. 0.98

01:56:30.000 So it's like one hour, hour and a half type flight or something like that?

01:56:32.000 Yeah, it wasn't a very long flight.

01:56:33.000 I forget where we're going.

01:56:35.000 But the beating.

01:56:36.000 The just...

01:56:38.000 Yeah.

01:56:39.000 Just brutal ear beating this broad game.

01:56:42.000 Yeah, it's tough and it's just you don't want to feel like a bad person.

01:56:44.000 Exactly.

01:56:45.000 Even though in your brain, it's just tough socially. 1.00

01:56:47.000 Like, hey, can you shut the fuck up? 0.99

01:56:49.000 But it's tough to do, especially in a confined space like that in an airplane. 0.99

01:56:55.000 I mean, in a social situation, it's easier because you can just say, I'm about to go to the bar.

01:56:59.000 You need anything?

01:57:00.000 And they usually don't need a drink, but that's the way to cut people off.

01:57:03.000 Yeah.

01:57:03.000 I'm going to get a drink.

01:57:05.000 Yeah, or you say, excuse me, I gotta use the restroom. 0.99

01:57:07.000 I hate to be rude, but I have to use the restroom.

01:57:09.000 And then I would just drop my phone and start looking for it in between the seat, and hopefully she would find a reason to keep walking. 0.99

01:57:16.000 But she would do it not just to us, she did it to everybody she decided to stop with.

01:57:20.000 We watched her.

01:57:21.000 When she got done beating us up, she went over to somebody else and beat them up. 1.00

01:57:25.000 So she was a social terrorist. 0.99

01:57:26.000 She was a terrorist. 0.99

01:57:28.000 She won, too. 1.00

01:57:29.000 The terrorists won on that night.

01:57:30.000 I gotta jump out real quick to the bathroom.

01:57:33.000 Yeah, yeah, go ahead, man.

01:57:33.000 Go ahead.

01:57:34.000 Don't worry about it.

01:57:34.000 I'll tell everybody about my show I got coming up soon.

01:57:38.000 A lot of people, folks, they can't handle these three-hour conversations.

01:57:43.000 They don't develop the bladder control that a man like me has.

01:57:46.000 You notice a man like me sitting here, two hours plus in?

01:57:49.000 I'm not feeling it.

01:57:51.000 I'm fine.

01:57:52.000 Two hours and ten minutes?

01:57:53.000 By the way, if you ever watch a UFC, this is an inside joke, and you hear me talking...

01:57:59.000 Only me talking while the fighter is walking from the back room to the cage.

01:58:04.000 That means Mike Goldberg went to pee. 0.82

01:58:06.000 Because Mike Goldberg pees like crazy.

01:58:09.000 I don't know what's going on with Mike Goldberg.

01:58:11.000 He tells me everything's fine.

01:58:12.000 I believe him. 0.97

01:58:15.000 I have a hard time believing a man can pee as much as Mike Goldberg pees. 0.61

01:58:21.000 I don't even understand it.

01:58:23.000 It doesn't even make sense to me.

01:58:25.000 Like, I'll go to take a leak, don't get me wrong, because a lot of times I'll have a cup of coffee there, I'll have a couple of bottles of water, you want to keep hydrated while you're screaming and yelling.

01:58:33.000 So I will get up and go to take a leak.

01:58:35.000 But...

01:58:36.000 I'll do it, and then an hour later, he'll do another one. 1.00

01:58:40.000 We'll go pee together, and this motherfucker will pee again inside of an hour. 1.00

01:58:44.000 And I don't know how he does it, but the most he ever did so far in a UFC event is six. 0.99

01:58:50.000 He peed six times.

01:58:51.000 My co-host in the UFC, Mike Goldberg, who's a great guy, but likes to pee.

01:58:57.000 So apparently he enjoys running out to the bathroom and taking leaks.

01:59:01.000 Is he drinking a lot of water or is he just... 0.99

01:59:03.000 Drinks a lot of water and drinks, you know, Red Bulls and shit like that, too, while we're doing the broadcast. 0.99

01:59:07.000 Pee six times an hour? 0.99

01:59:09.000 No, in a show.

01:59:10.000 In a show.

01:59:10.000 In a whole UFC show, which is like six hours with the fights.

01:59:14.000 Oh, that's...

01:59:14.000 I mean, if he's, you know...

01:59:16.000 Sort of. 0.98

01:59:17.000 Still ridiculous. 0.99

01:59:18.000 If you're a man and you know this is what you're doing, sit down. 0.99

01:59:20.000 Yeah, if you're doing...

01:59:21.000 I guess if you're doing TV or...

01:59:23.000 Yeah.

01:59:25.000 Strengthen your pee. 0.90

01:59:29.000 For most people, as they get older, apparently that becomes an issue. 0.89

01:59:34.000 Dudes develop prostate problems.

01:59:36.000 Your prostate enlarges I know this because I had to get my dog fixed. 0.75

01:59:41.000 My dog's prostate enlarged so much that it was constipating him. 0.93

01:59:44.000 I thought your dog fix was a metaphor.

01:59:48.000 No!

01:59:50.000 I had to get my weasel repaired. 0.99

01:59:53.000 I'm like, oh shit, is this what happens after 40? 0.99

01:59:56.000 No, my dog was six and he developed an enlarged prostate. 1.00

02:00:01.000 I had to get him fixed. 1.00

02:00:03.000 Johnny Cash no longer has balls. 0.98

02:00:05.000 He seems happy though. 0.99

02:00:07.000 He was actually getting constipated because of it.

02:00:09.000 It was really interesting.

02:00:10.000 It was blocking up.

02:00:12.000 It was pinching where his colon is.

02:00:13.000 Yeah.

02:00:14.000 Poor dog.

02:00:16.000 When I was on that goat farm...

02:00:19.000 Working with them, they had me, I was milking a goat and then they brought one goat in.

02:00:25.000 They had me bring this one young male goat and they're like, you want to name him?

02:00:31.000 And I'm like, yeah, name him Hannibal.

02:00:33.000 They're like, you sure?

02:00:34.000 And they're like, yeah.

02:00:35.000 And then they banded, they were like, we're going to band him. 0.99

02:00:37.000 And they put a band around his balls. 0.99

02:00:40.000 And so they do like a delayed castration. 1.00

02:00:43.000 Where it's gnat, like they cut it off. 0.97

02:00:46.000 They put the band on, and then the balls just fall off two weeks later.

02:00:50.000 But I didn't like that they told me... 0.99

02:00:52.000 They set me up to name him, and then they were like, yeah, he's not going to have balls in a little while. 0.99

02:00:59.000 Like, that's pretty shitty of y'all. 0.98

02:01:01.000 Well, they were going to do that anyway. 0.94

02:01:02.000 They were going to do it anyway, but they didn't have to have me hold him as they did it. 0.99

02:01:06.000 Yeah, that's kind of fucked. 1.00

02:01:08.000 To them, it's normal, you know? 1.00

02:01:09.000 To them, it's normal.

02:01:09.000 But no, it was...

02:01:10.000 I mean, I guess it'll be RITV, but that shit kind of... 0.99

02:01:14.000 It made me feel weird. 0.99

02:01:15.000 You know, human beings do that to themselves sometimes too.

02:01:18.000 That's like one of the ways that men castrate themselves.

02:01:20.000 Is?

02:01:21.000 They use like rubber bands and tighten it all up and it all just goes dead.

02:01:25.000 Then they saw it off.

02:01:26.000 Wait, what type of dudes are castrating themselves? 1.00

02:01:29.000 There's a lot of crazy fucking people out there, man. 1.00

02:01:31.000 There was a website called BME Extreme. 1.00

02:01:38.000 There's a video called the BME Pain Olympics.

02:01:41.000 Explain that acronym, please.

02:01:43.000 Yeah, I don't know.

02:01:44.000 Apparently there's no real Pain Olympics.

02:01:46.000 It's not real, but they called this video the BME. Don't pull that up.

02:01:50.000 But there's a video of a bunch of dudes hacking their dicks off and cutting their balls out. 0.99

02:01:55.000 People have done it. 0.99

02:01:57.000 It's definitely happened.

02:01:58.000 And they've done it on video.

02:01:59.000 Just people have cut their fingers off on video and put the video online. 0.56

02:02:02.000 Cut the tip of their finger off with a sword. 1.00

02:02:05.000 People are fucked. 1.00

02:02:06.000 Yeah, it's crazy. 1.00

02:02:06.000 Those are like one-off activities. 1.00

02:02:09.000 Yeah, you can't repeat that performance.

02:02:11.000 Like, yeah, end of repeat!

02:02:12.000 Last year's champion!

02:02:14.000 No, that's a one-off.

02:02:15.000 It wasn't worth it.

02:02:17.000 Some weird thing where some people like to do that for whatever reason.

02:02:20.000 They want to castrate themselves.

02:02:24.000 It's more common than not.

02:02:26.000 Maybe, you know, that's what them trying to, you know...

02:02:29.000 Release themselves from just being, you know, wanting sex so much.

02:02:35.000 Like, you know, the way I deleted my Twitter app.

02:02:40.000 Exactly.

02:02:41.000 But then they realized they wanted it afterwards.

02:02:44.000 But, you know, I could reinstall Twitter.

02:02:46.000 Well, you know, supposedly, I read this about Nikola Tesla, the famous inventor, that he did something.

02:02:52.000 He didn't explain what he did, but, in quotes, destroyed his sexuality.

02:02:57.000 He had some really confusing...

02:03:01.000 Love situation with some woman, apparently, and he just got, just ruined everything, ruined his life, ruined his work, just got messed up with some chick, and then decide to, in quotes, destroy his sexuality.

02:03:14.000 Now, I don't know if that's true or not, but You're talking about a guy, Nikola Tesla, who is a crazy genius inventor who also was in love with a pigeon.

02:03:23.000 Thought this pigeon, he was in love with this pigeon.

02:03:25.000 Had this weird romantic interest in a pigeon before he died.

02:03:29.000 He was completely off the rails.

02:03:31.000 So does he deserve to have a car named after him or not?

02:03:34.000 I don't get it. 1.00

02:03:35.000 He's a bad motherfucker, even though he's crazy. 1.00

02:03:37.000 Humans are never perfect. 1.00

02:03:39.000 No one retires with an undefeated record, not even Floyd Mayweather.

02:03:43.000 Along the way, he takes some losses.

02:03:45.000 I mean, losses and making out with a pigeon.

02:03:52.000 I don't think he ever made out with it.

02:03:54.000 I think he just was in love with a pigeon.

02:03:55.000 In love with a pigeon and destroyed his own...

02:03:58.000 Again, that's what I read.

02:03:59.000 That could be propaganda.

02:04:01.000 Right.

02:04:01.000 I'm exposing propaganda left and right, so it might be propaganda.

02:04:06.000 It might not be real.

02:04:07.000 Napoleon, did you know Napoleon wasn't short?

02:04:09.000 Whoa. 1.00

02:04:10.000 That's a mindfuck. 0.99

02:04:12.000 In fact, he was taller than average for the time. 0.99

02:04:14.000 Well, he's like 5'8"?

02:04:15.000 5'6", I think he was.

02:04:16.000 5'6"?

02:04:17.000 Yeah, for France.

02:04:18.000 Let's find out.

02:04:19.000 Napoleon.

02:04:21.000 Napoleon's real height.

02:04:23.000 But, I mean, that's a standard, right?

02:04:25.000 Oh, he's got a Napoleon complex.

02:04:26.000 A standard.

02:04:27.000 Right.

02:04:27.000 5'6", yeah.

02:04:29.000 So back then when people had no fucking nutrition whatsoever, that was actually taller than average. 0.97

02:04:34.000 Okay. 1.00

02:04:35.000 So Napoleon Complex just means you want to take over shit. 0.99

02:04:41.000 Yeah, it depends. 0.99

02:04:42.000 This one actually says 5'7".

02:04:44.000 5'7", this one says.

02:04:50.000 Whatever it was.

02:04:51.000 For then, back then, that wasn't nearly as short as it is now.

02:04:54.000 I'm 5'8", and I'm short for today, for 2014, when people have good nutrition.

02:04:59.000 But back then, that was actually a tall guy.

02:05:02.000 There was a regular-sized guy.

02:05:04.000 There was a guy who was like 5'11".

02:05:05.000 Wow.

02:05:06.000 Yeah.

02:05:07.000 It's like normal.

02:05:08.000 Maybe not even 5'11".

02:05:10.000 5'10"?

02:05:11.000 What is average?

02:05:11.000 5'9"?

02:05:12.000 Something like that?

02:05:13.000 5'8"?

02:05:13.000 I'm about 5'10".

02:05:16.000 Let's find out.

02:05:17.000 I got a Napoleon complex.

02:05:19.000 What's the average height?

02:05:21.000 What's the average American height?

02:05:22.000 What's the average male American height?

02:05:29.000 Okay, let's see.

02:05:30.000 I'm saying 5'9".

02:05:32.000 The average US is 5'10".

02:05:38.000 The average?

02:05:39.000 Yep.

02:05:40.000 Yeah.

02:05:41.000 No.

02:05:42.000 Yeah, that's...

02:05:43.000 That's not average!

02:05:45.000 That's what they're saying.

02:05:46.000 Is that taller than average?

02:05:48.000 What do you think?

02:05:49.000 I think average would be maybe...

02:05:53.000 Well, this one thing says 5'10".

02:05:55.000 Average male American height.

02:05:57.000 Average female male U.S. is 5'10". 0.98

02:06:01.000 Okay.

02:06:02.000 Yeah, it says there's another one.

02:06:04.000 U.S. male, 5'10".

02:06:06.000 I'll take it.

02:06:07.000 I haven't done as much research as them.

02:06:09.000 It's just me and my friends.

02:06:11.000 Well, I think it goes up.

02:06:12.000 I think it's gone up definitely since I was born.

02:06:16.000 And I think part of it is nutrition.

02:06:18.000 People understand things.

02:06:19.000 And they also understand not to smoke when you're in the womb. 0.91

02:06:22.000 I think that fucked a lot of kids up. 0.56

02:06:26.000 A lot of women used to smoke when they were pregnant. 1.00

02:06:28.000 My mom smoked.

02:06:29.000 Yeah?

02:06:29.000 Yeah.

02:06:30.000 She smoked for me and my sister.

02:06:31.000 She apologized to you?

02:06:32.000 Nope.

02:06:33.000 We don't bring it up.

02:06:34.000 Really?

02:06:35.000 What's she going to do?

02:06:36.000 Apologize for the past.

02:06:37.000 I guess, right?

02:06:38.000 Let it go.

02:06:39.000 Okay, now it's...

02:06:40.000 Yeah, yeah.

02:06:41.000 Basically, almost every one of these studies shows it's about 5'10 for now in the U.S., which is interesting because it's definitely gone up.

02:06:54.000 What is that?

02:06:57.000 This is the Netherlands, the USA, France, and Japan.

02:07:00.000 Average man.

02:07:01.000 So Japan is the shortest?

02:07:03.000 With BMI. Japan's changing too, though, man.

02:07:06.000 There's a lot of much bigger dudes in Japan now than there was during the World War II days.

02:07:11.000 They're way bigger.

02:07:12.000 So what's the theory behind Japanese dudes? 0.93

02:07:18.000 Having the shortest, is it just because they don't mix with other races as much, and so it's just their own genetics? 0.86

02:07:25.000 Could be.

02:07:27.000 There's a lot of factors.

02:07:28.000 It could be also that it's an island.

02:07:30.000 It's not the biggest place in the world.

02:07:33.000 It's not a tiny island.

02:07:35.000 On real islands, like real small places, they have a thing called island dwarfism, where things on that island...

02:07:42.000 Have you ever seen that?

02:07:44.000 That little creature that they found, Homo floriensis.

02:07:48.000 He's the hobbit man that they found that lived like 14,000 years ago. 0.85

02:07:52.000 You've never seen that? 1.00

02:07:53.000 Oh, fascinating shit, man. 0.99

02:07:55.000 14,000 years ago, there was little people that lived alongside human beings that looked just like you or I. And they were these little tiny, like, hobbit-like creatures. 0.99

02:08:03.000 They were, like, three feet tall.

02:08:05.000 And they were a type of human being.

02:08:07.000 Not like human, not like Neanderthal.

02:08:09.000 Pull up the images.

02:08:11.000 Like, there's an image of Homo floriensis that they made, the hobbit man, in this island of Flores. 0.70

02:08:18.000 They found one and they thought it was, like, maybe a child's bone or something like that.

02:08:22.000 But then they realized that it was structurally different than human beings, and they thought it might have been just an aberration, like someone who had some sort of a disorder, and then they started finding more of them, and they found out that they buried their young. 0.97

02:08:32.000 They would find little graveyards and shit. 0.89

02:08:34.000 They found stone tools. 0.99

02:08:36.000 They realized they used tools and evidence of use of fire. 1.00

02:08:39.000 Pretty insane shit. 1.00

02:08:42.000 That's crazy. 1.00

02:08:43.000 That's not that long ago, man.

02:08:44.000 14,000 years ago?

02:08:46.000 And what's really crazy is there's people that think that there's something like that that's still alive today.

02:08:52.000 Just in a small, their own island?

02:08:54.000 Small islands, yeah.

02:08:54.000 See, that gives you an idea of it.

02:08:56.000 But there's some good images of those things. 0.99

02:08:58.000 But then you see, like, with the Neanderthal, gorillas, human beings, like, look how little those fucking things were. 0.98

02:09:06.000 And they were a type of people. 0.99

02:09:08.000 Right. 1.00

02:09:08.000 That's freaking shit, man. 1.00

02:09:10.000 That is true. 1.00

02:09:11.000 Yeah.

02:09:12.000 And it's a real thing.

02:09:13.000 I mean, it really existed.

02:09:14.000 What is the big guy on the far right?

02:09:17.000 Not Neanderthal, but the guy next to him.

02:09:19.000 Yeah, who's that dude?

02:09:20.000 Jesus. 1.00

02:09:21.000 That's a big fucking dude. 1.00

02:09:22.000 That looks very ape-like, too. 1.00

02:09:24.000 Like, look how long his arms are.

02:09:25.000 That's Jesus.

02:09:26.000 What's it say?

02:09:27.000 I can't read it.

02:09:28.000 Middle... 0.77

02:09:28.000 I don't know. 0.77

02:09:29.000 Yeah, whatever it is.

02:09:30.000 Glad we moved past that. 1.00

02:09:32.000 Those dudes would be running shit. 1.00

02:09:34.000 If they were still around. 1.00

02:09:35.000 That looks like a combination of, like, a homo sapien and, like, almost like a gorilla.

02:09:40.000 Like, look how extra long his arms are.

02:09:42.000 I mean, it might be just the artist's depiction of...

02:09:45.000 That looks like a scary cat to run into on the savannah. 1.00

02:09:48.000 Fuck all that. 0.99

02:09:50.000 Well, apparently there was a bunch of people that lived in Russia, too, as recently as I think it was 40,000 years ago that were completely different than Homo sapiens, too. 1.00

02:10:01.000 Another different type.

02:10:02.000 40,000?

02:10:03.000 40,000 years ago.

02:10:04.000 Wow.

02:10:05.000 Denensians or something like that? 0.98

02:10:06.000 Here, let me pull that up.

02:10:08.000 Russian, new type of person, type of human, 40,000 years ago.

02:10:15.000 Have you been to Japan before?

02:10:17.000 Yeah, it's amazing.

02:10:18.000 It's incredible.

02:10:19.000 It's a really interesting place because it's, first of all, incredibly clean and unbelievably polite and, like, really almost crime-free completely. 0.98

02:10:29.000 When you walk on the streets, you don't worry about shit. 0.52

02:10:31.000 I mean, you're in a major metropolitan area like Tokyo, and it seems like the most peaceful place on Earth. 0.99

02:10:38.000 Very little aggression.

02:10:39.000 Everyone's very polite.

02:10:41.000 People are like, whether it's shopkeepers or restaurant owners, or like when you're walking on the street, you don't have any sense of chaos like you have in New York City.

02:10:50.000 Right.

02:10:50.000 Israel orderly.

02:10:51.000 Oh, that's cool, man.

02:10:52.000 Yeah.

02:10:52.000 I want to go there.

02:10:54.000 Oh, here it is.

02:10:55.000 It's in the National Geographic.

02:10:58.000 DNA reveals lost relative from 40,000 years ago.

02:11:02.000 Russian researchers dug up a sliver of human finger bone from an isolated Siberian cave.

02:11:08.000 The team stored it away for later testing, assuming the nondescript fragment came from one of those Neanderthals who left a welter of tools.

02:11:17.000 I don't even know what a welter is.

02:11:18.000 I never even heard that expression.

02:11:20.000 Welter?

02:11:20.000 Welter of tools.

02:11:21.000 Should I be...

02:11:22.000 Yeah, well, no.

02:11:24.000 Have you ever heard of that?

02:11:26.000 W-E-L-T-E-R, Welter of Tools.

02:11:28.000 In a cave between 30 and 48,000 years ago, nothing about the bones seemed extraordinary, but the genetic material told a different story.

02:11:36.000 When the German researchers extracted and sequenced the DNA from the fossil, they found that it did not match that of Neanderthals or of modern human beings, which were also living nearby at the time.

02:11:47.000 So new genetic data reveal that the bone may belong to a previously unrecognized extinct human species that migrated out of Africa long before our known relatives.

02:11:57.000 That's 40,000 years ago, man. 0.99

02:11:59.000 There was a different type of fucking human. 1.00

02:12:02.000 That went to Russia? 1.00

02:12:03.000 That was in Russia and Siberia.

02:12:04.000 From Africa?

02:12:05.000 Yep. 0.99

02:12:05.000 So Africa sucked back then? 0.99

02:12:07.000 Well, people always keep walking, dude. 0.98

02:12:09.000 They just keep going.

02:12:10.000 That's just within us.

02:12:11.000 We keep going.

02:12:12.000 I guess maybe.

02:12:14.000 People get to California and then they decide to move to Maui.

02:12:16.000 Like, let's just keep going.

02:12:17.000 But yeah, they got direct flights though.

02:12:20.000 Not back then!

02:12:21.000 Back then they had boats.

02:12:23.000 That's crazy!

02:12:23.000 Yeah.

02:12:24.000 Let's just...

02:12:24.000 That wasn't...

02:12:25.000 Was that boats back then?

02:12:26.000 That was just...

02:12:27.000 40,000 years ago, most likely no boat.

02:12:30.000 Just straight up walking and walking and walking? 0.71

02:12:32.000 Yeah, they're starting to fucking backdate boats though. 0.85

02:12:36.000 They've backdated boats quite a bit. 0.94

02:12:38.000 I think they found evidence of tuna, like oldest evidence of tuna, like way earlier than they ever thought.

02:12:44.000 Oldest known tuna boat.

02:12:48.000 Tuna boat.

02:12:50.000 The first dude to make a boat was like, man, I gotta get the fuck out of here.

02:12:57.000 I don't even know where I'm going.

02:12:59.000 Well, they had it.

02:13:00.000 Wow, dude.

02:13:01.000 Sweat this.

02:13:02.000 They had boats.

02:13:03.000 They were fishing boats in 310 AD. The earliest known boat was made.

02:13:10.000 It's a 7,000 year old boat found in Kuwait.

02:13:13.000 That's the earliest known boat.

02:13:15.000 But now they found evidence of deep sea fishing.

02:13:18.000 42,000 years old.

02:13:21.000 A boat? 1.00

02:13:22.000 This is the newest shit. 1.00

02:13:23.000 Well, they found evidence of tuna bones. 1.00

02:13:28.000 And tuna are deep sea fish, so someone had to go out there and get these motherfuckers. 1.00

02:13:33.000 The earliest known boats found in France and Neanderthal are only 10,000 years old, but archaeologists know that they don't tell the whole story. 0.97

02:13:40.000 Wood and other common boat-building materials don't preserve well in the archaeological record, and the colonization of Australia and the nearby...

02:13:48.000 Islands of Southeast Asia, which began at least 45,000 years ago, required sea crossings of at least 30 kilometers.

02:13:56.000 So they know that 45,000 years ago, someone had a boat that could go about 60 miles.

02:14:02.000 Right?

02:14:03.000 Isn't that what it is?

02:14:04.000 Kilometers?

02:14:05.000 100 kilometers is 62 miles?

02:14:07.000 No, the opposite.

02:14:08.000 So it's less.

02:14:09.000 Kilometers less than a mile, correct?

02:14:11.000 Okay.

02:14:11.000 So a little bit more miles than that, like double miles.

02:14:15.000 Yeah, hundreds, yeah.

02:14:16.000 Wow.

02:14:17.000 That's crazy.

02:14:20.000 Yeah, whether or not these migrants put a... 1.00

02:14:22.000 Is that how it goes?

02:14:24.000 Because kilometer is...

02:14:26.000 Wait, how many kilometers again?

02:14:27.000 How many?

02:14:28.000 30 kilometers.

02:14:29.000 30 kilometers is 20 miles.

02:14:30.000 Okay.

02:14:31.000 Okay, so it's less.

02:14:33.000 Miles are less than kilometers, right?

02:14:34.000 Yeah.

02:14:35.000 Right, because 100 kilometers an hour is 62 miles an hour.

02:14:38.000 All right, yes.

02:14:38.000 Okay.

02:14:39.000 So 30 kilometers, probably 20-ish miles, in a boat 45,000 years ago.

02:14:46.000 Yet whether these early migrants put out to sea deliberately in boats or simply drifted from the tides in rafts meant for near-shore exploration as a matter of fierce debate.

02:14:57.000 So they at least had that.

02:14:59.000 This is crazy, man. 0.97

02:15:02.000 That's crazy that they think people were deep-sea fishing 40 fucking thousand years ago. 0.99

02:15:08.000 People have to eat. 0.90

02:15:09.000 Yeah, but I mean, it's amazing.

02:15:11.000 They found half of the fish in these areas that these people lived in off of Australia 42,000 years ago.

02:15:19.000 Half of the fish they found were tuna and sharks that live in deep water.

02:15:25.000 They also found a fish hook from a mollusk shell and dated it to 23,000 years ago.

02:15:32.000 That's incredible. 0.99

02:15:35.000 People were fucking doing some crazy shit back then, man. 0.99

02:15:38.000 People were hungry, and they were tired of... 1.00

02:15:40.000 Deer?

02:15:43.000 Cows?

02:15:43.000 And like we were saying, man, they keep going.

02:15:46.000 People keep going. 1.00

02:15:47.000 They came here from fucking Africa. 1.00

02:15:49.000 Even if these dudes that went from Africa all the way to Siberia, and then they died there. 1.00

02:15:55.000 Was it that hot?

02:15:56.000 It was the heat that did it, right?

02:15:59.000 Could be a million things.

02:16:00.000 No food?

02:16:01.000 Competition?

02:16:02.000 No food?

02:16:03.000 Driven away by predators?

02:16:05.000 Driven away by other humans? 0.57

02:16:07.000 Who knows?

02:16:08.000 Driven away that far?

02:16:09.000 There's a lot in between Africa and Russia. 1.00

02:16:13.000 And if they were doing it on foot, fucking A man. 0.99

02:16:17.000 40,000 years ago they might have been doing it on foot. 0.99

02:16:19.000 It's very possible.

02:16:20.000 They might not have even had horses.

02:16:22.000 Just walking.

02:16:23.000 Or shoes.

02:16:26.000 They probably figured out shoes, right?

02:16:27.000 Or they might not have needed them.

02:16:28.000 Leaf feet?

02:16:30.000 I don't know.

02:16:30.000 Leaf feet?

02:16:32.000 Have you ever seen that show?

02:16:33.000 I forget what it was called.

02:16:35.000 Dual Survivor or something like that.

02:16:37.000 And there was two dudes and they would go wandering around surviving.

02:16:41.000 In the woods.

02:16:42.000 The whole thing was surviving.

02:16:43.000 They would do a thing like Survivorman, but there was two of them.

02:16:46.000 It was a competition?

02:16:47.000 No, they would just survive.

02:16:48.000 They would just show you how you would create a house, and this is how you go catch fish, and this is how you protect yourself from rainstorms.

02:16:56.000 But one dude, everywhere he went, he would go barefoot.

02:16:59.000 His name was Cody.

02:17:00.000 I think Cody. 0.98

02:17:01.000 He's got the nastiest feet of all time. 0.96

02:17:03.000 He has like thick calluses all over the bottom of his feet. 0.98

02:17:05.000 Like a shoe. 1.00

02:17:07.000 Because he never takes his fucking... 1.00

02:17:08.000 He never puts his shoes on. 1.00

02:17:10.000 He walks everywhere.

02:17:11.000 So the skin on his feet is just hard as a rock. 0.90

02:17:15.000 That's disgusting. 0.83

02:17:16.000 It's pretty disgusting. 0.67

02:17:17.000 Probably when he comes to people's place, they ask him to put shoes on.

02:17:26.000 Yeah, Cody's coming over your house.

02:17:27.000 You give him your slippers.

02:17:29.000 No, you keep them.

02:17:30.000 You can keep them, man. 1.00

02:17:31.000 You gotta cover those fucking nasty feet. 1.00

02:17:33.000 I eat in this house. 1.00

02:17:34.000 I don't know what's flying off of your feet while you're wandering around.

02:17:38.000 That is nasty.

02:17:39.000 There's something particularly offensive about feet.

02:17:42.000 Like someone can have some, you know, you can have dry skin on your forearm.

02:17:45.000 It doesn't really bother people.

02:17:47.000 But if you got some...

02:17:48.000 That's his foot.

02:17:49.000 That's his foot?

02:17:50.000 He's rubbing it with a rock?

02:17:51.000 Why is he rubbing it with a rock?

02:17:53.000 Is that a callus or like some type of fungus?

02:17:55.000 That white thing? 0.93

02:17:56.000 Or that's a...

02:17:57.000 What am I looking at?

02:17:58.000 You're looking at a foot.

02:17:59.000 But no, it's two other things there.

02:18:01.000 That's a big toe.

02:18:02.000 Okay.

02:18:02.000 He's got his big toe pulled back.

02:18:04.000 What is that?

02:18:05.000 That's his toe?

02:18:06.000 It is wrapped.

02:18:07.000 I think what he's doing is he's pulling his toe back and he's rubbing it with a rock to make me wear it down.

02:18:13.000 I thought the white part...

02:18:14.000 Let's not look at his foot too much.

02:18:16.000 If I get hard, I'll get scared.

02:18:22.000 I don't know why he made that choice.

02:18:23.000 I'm sure he knows about shoes.

02:18:25.000 It's got to be a more effective strategy.

02:18:27.000 It's marketing.

02:18:29.000 That's true, right?

02:18:30.000 He wanted to stand out from the other guy, be more memorable, get mentioned on the Joe Rogan podcast.

02:18:35.000 That's a good point, man.

02:18:36.000 And it worked out. 0.99

02:18:36.000 It did work out because the other dude, nobody knows who the fuck he is. 0.99

02:18:40.000 Yeah. 0.98

02:18:40.000 That's so true. 0.98

02:18:41.000 Marketing is so important.

02:18:43.000 Like, what does everybody know about Einstein? 1.00

02:18:45.000 He's got this fucking crazy hair, man. 1.00

02:18:46.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:18:47.000 Not just the Eagles MC Square.

02:18:48.000 They know what he looks like. 0.96

02:18:49.000 He's all wild and nutty. 0.96

02:18:51.000 Yep. 0.63

02:18:52.000 Nikola Tesla.

02:18:52.000 No one knows what that dude looks like.

02:18:54.000 No.

02:18:54.000 Why?

02:18:55.000 Because he was a slick little Croatian dude. 0.98

02:18:57.000 Very slim, wore a suit and tie, looked normal.

02:19:00.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:19:00.000 Nobody gives a fuck about that guy. 0.99

02:19:02.000 Nobody cares. 0.98

02:19:02.000 Nobody plays Nikola Tesla for Halloween. 0.98

02:19:05.000 But people will dress up like Einstein.

02:19:06.000 Everybody knows you're Einstein.

02:19:08.000 Exactly. 0.99

02:19:08.000 Damn, you're right. 0.99

02:19:09.000 Gotta get your look. 0.99

02:19:10.000 Have you ever thought about a look?

02:19:12.000 Like, perhaps, like, maybe something that people will remember you?

02:19:15.000 I mean, you're talking about a catchphrase for pig hunting.

02:19:19.000 Maybe you need, like, you know, something.

02:19:22.000 A catchphrase, a type of outfit or something.

02:19:24.000 Yeah.

02:19:25.000 Get the same outfit every time.

02:19:28.000 Has anybody ever done that?

02:19:29.000 Same outfit?

02:19:30.000 Yeah, like a Bruce Lee outfit.

02:19:32.000 Oh, like a Bruce Lee outfit?

02:19:33.000 No, Bruce Lee wore that Game of Death outfit, and if you see anybody in a yellow tracksuit with black stripes, you automatically think of Bruce Lee.

02:19:41.000 Remember when he fought Kareem Abdul-Jabbar and he had the tracksuit?

02:19:45.000 I don't remember.

02:19:46.000 You don't remember, dude?

02:19:47.000 Come on, son.

02:19:48.000 You've never seen that tracksuit?

02:19:50.000 Come on.

02:19:51.000 I haven't seen a lot of the essential movies of television.

02:19:55.000 You've never seen Bruce Lee movies?

02:19:57.000 I've seen a couple.

02:19:59.000 Gabriel Iglesias is a comic that does that with his shorts.

02:20:03.000 That's a good point.

02:20:04.000 And he has the painting silhouette of him behind it as part of his stage set.

02:20:10.000 Oh, does he?

02:20:10.000 Always shorts and the Hawaiian shirt or something.

02:20:14.000 And always a silhouette, even when he's at clubs?

02:20:16.000 Not a silhouette, but like a...

02:20:19.000 Like, that logo will be behind him.

02:20:21.000 And now I'm talking about for his specials on TV. Oh, for his specials.

02:20:24.000 Yeah, and probably if he plays, you know, he plays, like, yeah, huge places, so probably he has some type of set piece or something.

02:20:30.000 He does huge places, and he does clubs, too.

02:20:32.000 Like, Gabriel will do, like, he'll do, like, nine shows in a week.

02:20:36.000 He'll do, like, a 6 p.m.

02:20:38.000 show, he'll do an 8 p.m.

02:20:40.000 show, a 10 p.m.

02:20:41.000 show, and a midnight show.

02:20:42.000 Yeah.

02:20:43.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:20:43.000 He's crazy like that. 0.99

02:20:44.000 He does early shows for kids, like families can come.

02:20:47.000 Yeah.

02:20:47.000 Do like a 5pm show when it's light out.

02:20:49.000 Wow.

02:20:50.000 I think he holds the record for the most consecutive sellouts at the Ice House.

02:20:54.000 Sold out like some insane amount of shows in a row.

02:20:57.000 Like he was there for two weeks in a row like every day.

02:20:59.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:21:00.000 Does Monday night shows and shit. 0.95

02:21:02.000 I haven't seen him live. 0.99

02:21:03.000 He brings a lot of people with him.

02:21:05.000 He brings a lot of stand-ups with him.

02:21:07.000 Supports a lot of dudes.

02:21:08.000 Yeah.

02:21:09.000 He supports their...

02:21:12.000 He's a genuinely good guy.

02:21:14.000 I remember Trevor Noah used to tour with him, and Gabriel was like, you gotta get merch, man.

02:21:21.000 And so Gabriel got him some shirts made up, and then Trevor said he was killing it on merch after shows. 0.98

02:21:28.000 Yeah, people love to buy shit if you got a catchphrase. 0.99

02:21:31.000 Yeah, man. 0.99

02:21:31.000 If you got something. 0.99

02:21:32.000 Bam, bam, we're eating ham!

02:21:35.000 Joe Rogan.

02:21:37.000 We need to make one, man.

02:21:39.000 Come on, dude.

02:21:40.000 Do it. 1.00

02:21:40.000 We'll take you pig hunting, and when you kill a pig, you gotta say that. 1.00

02:21:45.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:21:45.000 That'll be your shit. 1.00

02:21:46.000 And then we'll start making t-shirts. 1.00

02:21:48.000 Definitely.

02:21:48.000 You don't get high when you hunt, do you?

02:21:50.000 No.

02:21:53.000 I mean, I know people who do.

02:21:55.000 I know a dude who deer hunts high.

02:21:57.000 Yeah.

02:21:57.000 Yeah, he likes it.

02:21:58.000 He's an old hippie. 0.79

02:22:00.000 He smokes a little weed and goes out there.

02:22:03.000 He don't look like a hippie, but there's a lot of hippie in him.

02:22:07.000 He loves to take a one-hitter, take a blast, and then go out and go hunting.

02:22:11.000 He feels like you're more in tune with nature.

02:22:13.000 Yeah, I feel like if I shot an animal high, I'd freak out.

02:22:16.000 Oh, no.

02:22:18.000 I've just taken life.

02:22:20.000 It was once alive.

02:22:22.000 Now, because of my actions, it isn't alive anymore.

02:22:26.000 But you wouldn't get bummed out if you went and ordered a cheeseburger.

02:22:30.000 If you went to In-N-Out, you're so disconnected from the process.

02:22:33.000 It's just deliciousness.

02:22:35.000 It's just real fast, too.

02:22:36.000 Do you think that's a part of human evolution?

02:22:38.000 Is that there's a reason why we're moving past this whole hunting-gathering thing?

02:22:42.000 And that in the future, that not only will not be necessary, but we won't even have those desires anymore.

02:22:48.000 No, I think it's just convenience, man. 0.98

02:22:52.000 People got jobs and shit. 1.00

02:22:53.000 We can't be shooting pigs. 1.00

02:22:56.000 For sure, for sure.

02:22:57.000 So if your lifestyle can sustain that, you know, going out there and waiting for two hours and taking a shot and skinning it and then cutting it and putting it on the grill and doing all that, then it's cool. 0.90

02:23:11.000 But, you know, the reason food is processed how it is is because people don't have time to be fucking with that. 0.95

02:23:17.000 Absolutely. 0.95

02:23:17.000 I mean, people with regular jobs absolutely don't have time. 0.95

02:23:20.000 But there's also people don't want to be a part of it.

02:23:23.000 People are moving away from it.

02:23:25.000 And I wonder if that is all a part of the process that's going to lead people to develop artificial food that's just like food that you get from animals.

02:23:34.000 Because they've already figured out how to do that.

02:23:36.000 They've already made science.

02:23:37.000 They figured out how to make some sort of an artificial steak.

02:23:40.000 It was unbelievably expensive.

02:23:42.000 $250,000 or something like that to create this meat that they grew in a test tube or in a laboratory somewhere.

02:23:48.000 But I think that maybe that's the first echoes of this sort of cultural shift from being hunter-gatherers to being able to go to the grocery store to there's no need to kill an animal because we're going to make artificial meat and everybody would just eat scientifically created meat that's totally nutritious and healthy.

02:24:10.000 They'll fuck it up for a couple years and some people get some weird Crohn's disease and shit like that from the artificial meat, but then eventually they'll get it down so it's even more nutritious than like wild game.

02:24:22.000 I don't know if I want to go that route. 0.97

02:24:25.000 I don't know either, but I think it's inevitable.

02:24:27.000 Yeah?

02:24:28.000 Yeah, I think so.

02:24:29.000 I think it's the transition.

02:24:32.000 There's a reason why people find hunting distasteful.

02:24:34.000 Even some people that eat meat, they don't even want to know how the animal dies, they don't want to be a part of it, they certainly don't want to see a video, and they definitely don't want to go shoot an animal.

02:24:43.000 So why do they like meat?

02:24:45.000 It tastes good, man.

02:24:47.000 It tastes delicious.

02:24:48.000 But why are they okay with that?

02:24:49.000 Because I think that's like the bridge between us and then the new us, which just figures out how to do everything synthetically.

02:24:57.000 Just recreate it, just like they could recreate everything.

02:25:00.000 I mean, they're going to recreate people, for sure.

02:25:02.000 If we stay alive for another thousand years, if human beings are still on this planet a thousand years from now, we will have artificial humans that are indistinguishable. 0.98

02:25:11.000 It'll be some 100% Blade Runner shit. 0.95

02:25:15.000 Yeah, I feel like a thousand years is going to get weird. 0.97

02:25:19.000 Sometimes I think about the future and get bummed out that I won't get to see how crazy it is.

02:25:24.000 You might.

02:25:25.000 Just based on how the shift has been during my lifetime.

02:25:28.000 You say I might.

02:25:29.000 You might.

02:25:29.000 It might be so crazy you might actually get to see 500 years from now.

02:25:33.000 I'm not bullshitting, man.

02:25:34.000 If you pay attention to guys like Ray Kurzweil and all these futurists that are at the cusp of technology that really understand what innovations are being created...

02:25:46.000 We're good to go.

02:26:04.000 I just made that up.

02:26:06.000 You said it was such confidence, man.

02:26:08.000 I only made up the part about that person.

02:26:11.000 But the 150 thing, that's pretty much consensus.

02:26:14.000 150, I mean, but that's a lot.

02:26:15.000 But yeah, that feels more feasible.

02:26:17.000 Because what has the latest been?

02:26:19.000 117, 120, something like that?

02:26:20.000 It's hard to tell, because it's hard to find out who's telling the truth when they get to be that old. 0.99

02:26:24.000 Those old cunts, they don't even have fucking paperwork. 1.00

02:26:26.000 They don't give a fuck. 1.00

02:26:26.000 They ain't got nothing to lose. 1.00

02:26:29.000 Nobody's going to challenge them like, yeah, you do look old as fuck. 0.99

02:26:32.000 We believe you. 0.99

02:26:33.000 What's the point?

02:26:35.000 Society needs this story anyway.

02:26:37.000 Yeah, who is...

02:26:38.000 Let's take a guess.

02:26:39.000 I'm going to say 122 years old.

02:26:41.000 Oldest person ever.

02:26:42.000 I think it's 117, 118. There's the oldest person.

02:26:46.000 Let's find out right now.

02:26:48.000 Oldest person ever was 116 years old.

02:26:52.000 Oldest living person.

02:26:53.000 The oldest ever was 122. Oh, wow.

02:26:57.000 Yeah, she's from France. 0.99

02:26:59.000 What about those Bible folks?

02:27:02.000 What?

02:27:02.000 Oh, the 600-year-old Noah?

02:27:06.000 What about those folks? 0.99

02:27:07.000 Well, I think their calendars were dogshit back then. 0.98

02:27:11.000 They were talking about weeks? 0.99

02:27:12.000 Yeah, their calendars were written down on stones.

02:27:15.000 Happy birthday!

02:27:16.000 It's Monday.

02:27:17.000 Yeah, the idea that those people lived 600 years, that's hilarious.

02:27:21.000 But what if, back then, what was going on is they were super technologically advanced, and then the flood came along and fucked everything up, and they had to start from scratch.

02:27:31.000 And what if Noah really was 600 years old?

02:27:34.000 Because Noah was a part of an ancient civilization that was far more advanced.

02:27:37.000 And that's why God got pissed. 0.99

02:27:39.000 These motherfuckers, these dummies are living to be 600 years old. 1.00

02:27:42.000 Alright, fuck this. 1.00

02:27:44.000 I'm just going to start with Noah. 1.00

02:27:46.000 Noah, you seem like a good guy.

02:27:48.000 What? 0.98

02:27:49.000 Well, it's ridiculous. 0.98

02:27:51.000 It's also ridiculous that we are the children of Noah's incest. 0.98

02:27:56.000 Yeah. 0.80

02:27:57.000 Was it Noah's incest? 0.99

02:27:58.000 Who else is, who fucks? 0.99

02:28:00.000 I mean, how many people are left? 0.98

02:28:01.000 It's Noah and how many people?

02:28:02.000 It's family, right?

02:28:03.000 Oh, you mean, yeah, his incest, yeah.

02:28:06.000 I mean, he didn't bring along a bunch of hot Swedish chicks for excellent genetic material and just shoot loads into all of them. 0.96

02:28:13.000 And even if he did, just that small gene pool. 0.99

02:28:15.000 If Noah brought over 50 people and just fucked those 50 chicks, it was just him and 50 chicks, the whole human race would be a mess. 1.00

02:28:23.000 The whole human race. 1.00

02:28:24.000 All crazy interbreeding. 1.00

02:28:26.000 It would take generations to fucking fix all that shit. 1.00

02:28:29.000 Right. 1.00

02:28:30.000 That stuff is all goofy.

02:28:35.000 It's goofy stuff.

02:28:36.000 It's definitely goofy, but there's people to this day that still believe it.

02:28:42.000 A giant percentage.

02:28:44.000 A giant percentage.

02:28:46.000 Very passionate about it, too.

02:28:47.000 It's...

02:28:49.000 I try not to get into it with those types.

02:28:52.000 I'm never in situations where I'm talking with a religious person or debating.

02:28:57.000 I talk about it in my stand-up a little bit.

02:29:00.000 Pretty much that's it.

02:29:01.000 But it does baffle me a little bit.

02:29:03.000 People get mad on Twitter. 0.67

02:29:04.000 Why don't you go after the Muslims? 1.00

02:29:06.000 You're always going after us Christians. 1.00

02:29:08.000 First of all, because Muslims are a more dangerous target, dummy. 1.00

02:29:13.000 What are you, pretending? 1.00

02:29:14.000 Second of all, because you're right here.

02:29:16.000 You're right here.

02:29:17.000 Right here in America.

02:29:18.000 Land of the free home of the brave.

02:29:19.000 We believe in zombies.

02:29:20.000 My family has Christians.

02:29:22.000 It's more relatable.

02:29:24.000 I grew up Christian.

02:29:25.000 So is this a different...

02:29:27.000 Yeah. 0.98

02:29:28.000 Yeah, this is also a much more ridiculous place to get hoodwinked. 0.97

02:29:33.000 You know, we're not living in some backwards fucking crazy culture that's run by some, well, sort of are, but not as much so as these ancient cultures. 0.97

02:29:42.000 Yeah. 0.93

02:29:43.000 These cultures that have been, you know, they have a lot of their ideas about what people shouldn't do are thousands of years old.

02:29:48.000 They've stuck them.

02:29:50.000 Right.

02:29:51.000 Yeah, it's just...

02:29:52.000 It's really weird that...

02:29:54.000 I talk about people getting the Holy Ghost sometimes.

02:29:58.000 Oh, that's great.

02:29:58.000 I love that.

02:29:59.000 Pentecostals?

02:30:01.000 Pentecostals and Baptists where people are just like... 1.00

02:30:03.000 Really?

02:30:05.000 Is that...

02:30:05.000 Are you doing that?

02:30:06.000 Is that...

02:30:07.000 It makes you feel like that.

02:30:08.000 The Lord...

02:30:09.000 It makes you dance.

02:30:11.000 Speaking in tongues.

02:30:12.000 Is that you?

02:30:13.000 Did you just want to do that?

02:30:15.000 And you just had this excuse?

02:30:18.000 Using religion as an excuse? 0.51

02:30:20.000 Are you speaking?

02:30:21.000 That's confusing when religion turns into a reason for people to just act out and be weird publicly.

02:30:30.000 I like when they do it on TV. You ever see Robert Tilden?

02:30:33.000 You know who that guy is?

02:30:35.000 Probably by face if he's a religious dude. 0.93

02:30:38.000 He's one of the most ridiculous all-time dudes, but he would, like, in the middle of his broadcast, just totally, completely, obviously fake language that he was making up on the spot, very repetitive, very unlike a real language that varies in tone and sounds. 0.94

02:30:58.000 He's uncreative with his... 0.98

02:31:00.000 He keeps repeating the same sounds over and over again. 0.99

02:31:06.000 It stinks!

02:31:08.000 I can understand the structure of it as him. 0.84

02:31:13.000 Is he speaking in tongues here?

02:31:17.000 For eating will also provide and multiply.

02:31:22.000 That's the opening of the Windows of Heaven.

02:31:24.000 Oh, this is the farting preacher video.

02:31:27.000 I want to hear him talking in tongues. 0.91

02:31:29.000 Are they just putting fart sounds?

02:31:30.000 Yeah, they're putting fart sounds while he's...

02:31:33.000 It's very juvenile.

02:31:34.000 YouTube is pretty hilarious.

02:31:36.000 Yeah, I'm going to take this preacher.

02:31:38.000 Fart sounds, gunshot noises.

02:31:40.000 You know what this needs?

02:31:41.000 I'm going to do a super cut of...

02:31:44.000 But I'm going to put this song over it so it looks like he's singing to this.

02:31:47.000 You know what else the internet figured out that people outside the internet ever figured out?

02:31:53.000 Memes.

02:31:54.000 Yeah.

02:31:54.000 Those memes.

02:31:55.000 Yeah, pictures with words.

02:31:56.000 Like a picture of you, bam, bam, we're eating ham.

02:31:59.000 Yeah.

02:32:01.000 I mean, without a doubt, someone has made that.

02:32:04.000 It's already happening.

02:32:06.000 Without a doubt.

02:32:07.000 I'll go to my message board right now, and I guarantee you there is a photo up on my message board that says, Bam Bam, we're eating ham, and it shows you.

02:32:17.000 Or you, because that's your catchphrase.

02:32:19.000 No, it's your catchphrase.

02:32:20.000 Both of us.

02:32:20.000 You said it, man.

02:32:22.000 But I'm not hunting.

02:32:23.000 I don't need it.

02:32:23.000 Man, I ghostwrite sometimes.

02:32:26.000 But you said it.

02:32:27.000 You said it.

02:32:28.000 If you said it, it's up there, man.

02:32:30.000 Without a doubt.

02:32:31.000 I guarantee you it's up there.

02:32:33.000 If it's not up there by the end of this broadcast, someone will at least be working on it.

02:32:38.000 That's the beauty of the internet, man.

02:32:39.000 It is crazy.

02:32:40.000 Oh, it's the greatest thing ever, man. 0.98

02:32:42.000 We're so lucky as comics to be able to release specials and shit in this time. 0.94

02:32:47.000 Yeah. 0.92

02:32:48.000 Like, your special is gonna be on Comedy Central air Saturday night?

02:32:51.000 Yeah.

02:32:51.000 But it also, you could get it online right now.

02:32:54.000 Right.

02:32:55.000 Right?

02:32:55.000 For the people that don't want to wait, that want to have it on your computer.

02:32:58.000 Fuck waiting! 1.00

02:32:58.000 Go get that shit. 1.00

02:32:59.000 Fuck waiting. 1.00

02:33:00.000 Get it. 1.00

02:33:00.000 And can you play it on iPads and everything? 1.00

02:33:03.000 iPads, everything, yeah.

02:33:04.000 You can play it on your phone, everything?

02:33:06.000 I think phone also, yes.

02:33:07.000 Beautiful.

02:33:08.000 That's beautiful.

02:33:09.000 Yeah, see, look at that.

02:33:10.000 This is a beautiful time for stand-up distribution.

02:33:13.000 Instant access. 0.99

02:33:14.000 Where we could say, hey man, Hannibal's a funny motherfucker. 0.99

02:33:17.000 You need to go see Live from Chicago. 0.99

02:33:19.000 Boom! 0.99

02:33:20.000 Someone could go online and at the end of my sentence, they're already in the...

02:33:24.000 They're already clicking in and...

02:33:25.000 Yeah.

02:33:26.000 It's incredible.

02:33:27.000 It is a good time.

02:33:28.000 Yeah, I mean...

02:33:28.000 PayPal!

02:33:29.000 Boom! 0.99

02:33:29.000 And that's the... 0.99

02:33:31.000 That's what the...

02:33:32.000 Amazon one-click! 1.00

02:33:33.000 Are you fucking shitting me? 1.00

02:33:34.000 The beauty is of Twitter and things like that too is I find out about new music or I find out about news and different things or if I'm in New York, you know, I might just search. 1.00

02:33:45.000 I'll search, or the city that I'm in, I'll just search This city, events, and I'll find out this person is playing a concert.

02:33:53.000 I didn't even know they were playing a concert, but I found out about it through Twitter.

02:33:56.000 Or just saying, hey, what's the best restaurant here in Denver?

02:34:00.000 And then people give you restaurant suggestions, and then you go, and then it's great.

02:34:04.000 So that's the...

02:34:05.000 That's the beauty of Twitter and the immediacy of the internet is that access and just having that information and being able to use it. 0.99

02:34:13.000 Fuck yeah. 0.98

02:34:14.000 I use, because I use an Android phone, I use Amazon. 0.99

02:34:19.000 And so I use Amazon for music, for comedy, for anything. 0.97

02:34:24.000 And I was coming home from the improv in Irvine and I said, I need to hear some fucking new comedy. 0.99

02:34:30.000 I'm like, Everybody keeps telling me this animal breast motherfucker's funny. 1.00

02:34:34.000 Let me go check it out. 0.99

02:34:35.000 So I got this.

02:34:35.000 I got Animal Furnace.

02:34:37.000 Dude, it's fucking badass. 0.98

02:34:38.000 And I got it within 10 minutes. 0.98

02:34:41.000 Within 10 minutes, I had it on my...

02:34:43.000 I mean, not even.

02:34:44.000 I was driving, and I was playing it within like 30 seconds.

02:34:47.000 And the whole thing was downloaded within a couple of minutes.

02:34:50.000 I only had 3G at the time.

02:34:52.000 I couldn't even get 4G. And boom!

02:34:55.000 It's on your phone, and you're listening while you're driving.

02:34:57.000 It's amazing.

02:34:57.000 Yeah, and it's good to, like, issues with fans, like, I had one where my special in Chicago, some other, yeah, when I shot the special, the ticket price was kind of low, so it got scalped kind of heavy.

02:35:11.000 It got scalped, and then scalpers were online saying, I mean, people would write me saying, I want to come to your show, but, you know, fuck it, I'm paying $200 for this scalper. 0.99

02:35:21.000 I was like, fuck that. 0.99

02:35:22.000 Don't pay 200 bucks. 0.99

02:35:23.000 You can donate to this charity, Mercy Home, and screencap the receipt showing that you donated, and I'll put you on my guest list.

02:35:35.000 You know what I mean?

02:35:35.000 But that's just through Twitter.

02:35:37.000 Oh, that's cool.

02:35:38.000 I just have angry fans buying scalp tickets, which probably still is some, angry fans buying scalp tickets, but I was able to at least, in a couple situations where shows have been sold out or shows have been getting scalped, I'm able to put somebody on my guest list just if they donate to that charity.

02:35:53.000 That's beautiful.

02:35:54.000 What's the charity?

02:35:55.000 It's Mercy Home.

02:35:56.000 And what does Mercy Home do?

02:35:57.000 Mercy Home in Chicago.

02:35:58.000 It just helps young black kids in Chicago with programs and just education, after school programs and things like that.

02:36:06.000 That's amazing, man.

02:36:07.000 That's a great idea.

02:36:08.000 That's a really great idea.

02:36:10.000 Are you from Chicago?

02:36:11.000 Yeah, I'm from Chicago.

02:36:11.000 Because Ari Shafir went.

02:36:13.000 We were in Chicago.

02:36:14.000 Ari and I were doing...

02:36:14.000 Yeah, we went.

02:36:15.000 Y'all were in their town.

02:36:16.000 Yeah.

02:36:17.000 UFC was happening.

02:36:18.000 Yeah, we did the Chicago Theater Friday night, and then Ari went and checked you out. 1.00

02:36:24.000 Was it Friday night or Saturday night?

02:36:25.000 It was Saturday night I shot, yeah.

02:36:27.000 So he went and checked you out, I think after the fights were over.

02:36:30.000 Yeah.

02:36:30.000 Yeah, I think he went there right after the fights were over, went and checked out your special.

02:36:35.000 Yeah.

02:36:35.000 That's cool, man.

02:36:36.000 Where'd you play in Chicago?

02:36:37.000 The Vic.

02:36:38.000 So that was this show?

02:36:39.000 That was this show.

02:36:40.000 Oh, so this is fresh, man.

02:36:42.000 This is fresh out of the box.

02:36:43.000 This was only a couple months ago, right?

02:36:44.000 Yeah, we turned it over fast.

02:36:45.000 How fast was that?

02:36:46.000 When was it?

02:36:47.000 That's two months.

02:36:49.000 January or something, right?

02:36:50.000 Filmed January 25th. 0.99

02:36:51.000 Wow, damn, that's perfect though. 0.97

02:36:54.000 That way you get probably some jokes on TV if they're topical. 0.98

02:36:58.000 Do you have anything topical that is still applicable today?

02:37:01.000 That's nice.

02:37:02.000 Nothing really topical.

02:37:03.000 I talk about music a little bit, current music and things like that, but nothing political.

02:37:09.000 What's up with the Beach Boys?

02:37:10.000 What's up with these guys?

02:37:11.000 Beach Boys? 1.00

02:37:12.000 How about these fucking monkeys? 1.00

02:37:13.000 Duran, Duran, Duran, Duran. 1.00

02:37:15.000 That's so weird.

02:37:16.000 They always Duran-ing.

02:37:18.000 They're always Duran.

02:37:19.000 They're too sexy.

02:37:21.000 There's something about them.

02:37:22.000 I don't like how symmetrical they are.

02:37:23.000 Yeah.

02:37:24.000 That's what I always appreciated about Keith Richards and Mick Jagger. 0.95

02:37:27.000 They're kind of ugly. 1.00

02:37:28.000 They're kind of fucked up looking. 1.00

02:37:29.000 I like my music to come out of some people who look at the experience of pain. 0.99

02:37:33.000 Yeah.

02:37:33.000 Bam, bam, Wheaton Ham.

02:37:35.000 Look.

02:37:35.000 Told you.

02:37:37.000 It's impossible to avoid. 0.98

02:37:38.000 The internet gives no fucks. 0.94

02:37:40.000 And it's the right picture for it. 0.71

02:37:42.000 It's a great picture.

02:37:43.000 It's the right picture for it.

02:37:44.000 You're smiling with your TV teeth.

02:37:46.000 You're on stage.

02:37:47.000 TV teeth.

02:37:50.000 So, besides your special, where else can people find your tour dates?

02:37:54.000 My tour dates are on my website, HannibalBirds.com. 0.59

02:37:58.000 I think, yeah, I only got a few dates coming up where I try to get this new shit together. 0.93

02:38:03.000 Oh, that's right, man. 0.98

02:38:04.000 That's a thing, right?

02:38:05.000 Yeah.

02:38:06.000 You gotta abandon the old and come up with some new.

02:38:08.000 Abandon the old or go half and half or something, so I'm working on it.

02:38:11.000 But yeah, HannibalBirds.com and I'm At the Knitting Factory in Brooklyn on Sundays.

02:38:18.000 Every Sunday?

02:38:18.000 Every Sunday.

02:38:19.000 Unless I'm on the road.

02:38:20.000 But this Sunday coming up, I'm hosting.

02:38:23.000 Oh, that's cool.

02:38:23.000 So you host there?

02:38:24.000 Like you were talking about doing shows where you bring up your friends?

02:38:28.000 Is that what you're doing?

02:38:28.000 Yeah, I bring up friends and have musical guests.

02:38:32.000 It's the front bar and then we have a main room that holds about 300. So that's when I have a couple musical guests.

02:38:37.000 Oh, that's awesome.

02:38:39.000 That's a great idea.

02:38:40.000 So yeah, it's this act.

02:38:41.000 Bridget Everett is on.

02:38:42.000 That's amazing.

02:38:43.000 Have you seen Bridget Everett before?

02:38:44.000 No, no, no.

02:38:44.000 She's just like this sort of comedy cabaret singing act, but like gets crazy reaction from the crowd.

02:38:51.000 People flip when they see it.

02:38:54.000 What's unique about it?

02:38:56.000 Is it really good?

02:38:57.000 She's a great singer, but then she also interacts with the crowd in a way where she'll just put a random crowd member's face into her titties while she's in the middle of a song and she'll walk around. 1.00

02:39:11.000 It's a crazy, perfect live act.

02:39:14.000 It's one of those acts, too. 0.98

02:39:16.000 Where it's a live act, where you can watch it on, you might have videos up, you can watch it, and you're like, that's cool, but you see her live, it's like, holy shit!

02:39:26.000 Like, I remember watching people watch, I like to watch how, you know, you see people's reaction. 0.99

02:39:31.000 I remember seeing some cats that only come and usually see stand-up in my show, but they were watching her like, What the fuck is going on? 0.97

02:39:38.000 She was real good. 0.95

02:39:41.000 Then you got Michael Che on that show.

02:39:42.000 That's her right there? 1.00

02:39:43.000 Yeah, that's her right there. 1.00

02:39:44.000 Let me hear some of this.

02:39:57.000 Whoa, what an aggressive woman. 1.00

02:39:59.000 A lot of men can't handle that, Hannibal.

02:40:02.000 A lot of men get confused with a woman like that. 0.60

02:40:08.000 Oh, that's hilarious.

02:40:09.000 She just finds an audience dude and sits in his lap and she's sweating all over him. 1.00

02:40:14.000 And I bet that chick sweats a lot. 1.00

02:40:18.000 That's hilarious.

02:40:19.000 So you do this every Sunday?

02:40:20.000 The show is every Sunday, whether I'm there, yeah.

02:40:23.000 What made you decide to start doing something like that?

02:40:25.000 How did you get that started?

02:40:26.000 It was in 2009. I just started writing for Saturday Night Live, and I did the opening night at the Knitting Factory.

02:40:34.000 It used to be in downtown Manhattan and moved to Williamsburg, Brooklyn.

02:40:37.000 I did opening night there, opening for this band, Lesavi Five.

02:40:41.000 And then the management there said, we want to do a comedy night.

02:40:45.000 And so at the time, I was writing at Saturday Night Live, so my only Open night was Sunday nights.

02:40:51.000 So I just started doing it, and it's built over time.

02:40:55.000 It's built an audience.

02:40:56.000 It used to be a patchy audience.

02:40:59.000 It gets 20 people here, 30 people, but now it's packed all the time.

02:41:03.000 A lot of people drop in.

02:41:05.000 Louie's been through.

02:41:06.000 Chris Rock comes through a little bit.

02:41:08.000 Chappelle's been through once.

02:41:09.000 Amy Schumer comes.

02:41:10.000 A lot of people come through to work out.

02:41:12.000 It's a Savvy crowds, it's high energy, and it's a lot of fun. 0.98

02:41:16.000 That's where I try out my new shit, and it's two blocks from my place, which is very convenient. 0.97

02:41:20.000 Oh, wow, so you can walk to work. 0.99

02:41:22.000 I walked.

02:41:23.000 At 9 o'clock shows, sometimes I'm in the shower at 8.50.

02:41:26.000 Now you told people, though, but this is the problem.

02:41:28.000 Now that freaks are going to get near that area and scan out in a two-block grid and try to figure out where Hannibal lives.

02:41:35.000 Well, I'm moving, and since I'm starting to go on hunting trims, I'm armed, man.

02:41:43.000 I like the idea of you hosting a show, too.

02:41:45.000 That's a great idea, man.

02:41:46.000 That's what, in Boston, that's what they used to do.

02:41:49.000 They used to have the Steve Sweeney show, the Boston headliners, and that guy would host, and he would bring up all these other comedians.

02:41:56.000 It's a lot of fun.

02:41:57.000 It's a way for me to kind of stay, you know, because once you headline and just go out on the road, it's easy to kind of get...

02:42:04.000 Out of touch with who, you know, so it'll be comics that only been doing it for a year on the same show with, you know, Chris Rock or somebody.

02:42:13.000 So it's good to just see everybody and just, you know, I still like the...

02:42:19.000 The structure of putting together a show, just knowing I should have this person on earlier, and now to flow good into this, and this person should go second half.

02:42:27.000 So I still book it myself and everything.

02:42:30.000 So it's a lot of fun.

02:42:32.000 It's a good spot to always try new stuff there every week, and it's a fun time.

02:42:38.000 Yeah, we do that out here at the Ice House in Pasadena.

02:42:41.000 If you're ever around, man, we do a lot of Wednesday night shows, if you're ever here on a Wednesday night.

02:42:45.000 And the same thing.

02:42:47.000 It'll be me, and I'll bring along Brian Callen, Ari Shaffir, Duncan, Joey Diaz will do it.

02:42:52.000 All these different guys do it.

02:42:53.000 And having that same sort of situation where you're trying to figure out, hmm, he should go on after him, and let's put him here.

02:43:00.000 It's fun.

02:43:01.000 Yeah, it's fun, especially when it works out the right way.

02:43:04.000 You're like, oh, it just feels good.

02:43:06.000 It kind of...

02:43:07.000 Producing something all the time and just figuring out what comics the audience would respond to, that kind of thing.

02:43:19.000 I like what you're doing, too, though.

02:43:20.000 You're adding the musical element to it, too.

02:43:22.000 That's a great idea.

02:43:23.000 Yeah, the music element.

02:43:24.000 It's just good for energy, and it's just mixing it up.

02:43:27.000 It makes it more of an old-school show.

02:43:29.000 Lately, I've been having rappers and musicians open for me on the road, in addition to having a comedian.

02:43:35.000 I have one comedian.

02:43:36.000 Yeah, I've been doing Largo tonight, and this guy, Thundercat, who's an amazing singer and bassist, he's performing.

02:43:46.000 It's just a different vibe, and it just adds to it.

02:43:49.000 Another element to the show.

02:43:51.000 Also, I just want, I like giving people, I get, just because my ticket prices just started to go up, so I feel nervous, so I want to give people as much of the show as possible, so I got to have a musician.

02:44:02.000 I have a DJ with me, because I do musical stuff during my set where I talk about different rap songs.

02:44:08.000 The DJ will queue it up.

02:44:10.000 I do a song at the end.

02:44:11.000 Ballerinas come out.

02:44:12.000 So I try to do it.

02:44:14.000 I'm like, man, people pay 30 bucks.

02:44:16.000 I'm trying to do it up.

02:44:17.000 So yeah, I enjoy just trying to introduce audiences to new people and also just figure out just how to put on just a real show that people want to come back to.

02:44:31.000 It's all about making people want to talk about it when I come back to their city wanting to come again.

02:44:36.000 Well, you're doing it because I keep hearing great things, man.

02:44:38.000 I keep hearing great things.

02:44:39.000 Thanks, man.

02:44:40.000 I've only done one show ever where I had music.

02:44:43.000 There was Joey Diaz, me, and Doug Stanhope, and Honey Honey, this band.

02:44:49.000 They're actually going to be here tomorrow.

02:44:52.000 And we all did this show at the Wiltern in L.A. on December 21, 2012, because it was supposed to be the end of the world. 0.92

02:45:01.000 That was when the Mayans, all the fucking freaky people were thinking that it was...

02:45:06.000 It was an awesome night, but it was the only time I've ever done a show. 0.99

02:45:09.000 Oh, it was a fucking beautiful show. 0.92

02:45:11.000 I wore a suit and everything. 0.99

02:45:12.000 I never wore a suit.

02:45:14.000 I wore slick clothes.

02:45:16.000 It felt odd, but I liked it.

02:45:18.000 But it felt good.

02:45:19.000 It was fun to do a big show, too.

02:45:22.000 Musical guest.

02:45:23.000 I've got to do more of those.

02:45:24.000 Yeah, it just adds another energy to it, especially if the crowd is...

02:45:29.000 The thing about doing it is just making sure that music and comedy can work as long as people are a little bit...

02:45:35.000 It can work as a surprise, but when people are billed, it makes it better.

02:45:39.000 Especially for the comedian opening for a band.

02:45:42.000 If you walk out as a comedian for a band and they don't know that you come...

02:45:47.000 Years ago, I opened for this band, Unfree McGee's.

02:45:53.000 I think the gig was in DeKalb, Illinois.

02:45:55.000 It was about an hour outside Chicago, where Northern Illinois University is.

02:45:59.000 They saw me at Zaney's in Chicago Comedy Club and they asked me to open for them.

02:46:06.000 I think they were on at 9 and then at 8.45 they tell me to go out and the lights go down.

02:46:13.000 And so there's been no announcement that I'm going on.

02:46:17.000 It's just the lights went down and then I walk out.

02:46:20.000 And the crowd is like, right away, like, no!

02:46:24.000 Like, they just start yelling, I'm free!

02:46:26.000 Where's I'm free at?

02:46:27.000 And it's not even the real showtime yet.

02:46:29.000 I'm up 15 minutes before the actual start time.

02:46:33.000 I was the only opener, but people were just so agitated because they didn't want to see a comedian.

02:46:38.000 They, you know, bought these tickets probably months ago.

02:46:41.000 And then some comedian they never heard of is walking out.

02:46:44.000 But it just helps when...

02:46:46.000 Just the audience.

02:46:49.000 Because they didn't know either.

02:46:50.000 The band was just trying to put me in a good spot.

02:46:52.000 They were like, we like this dude.

02:46:53.000 He should be on the show.

02:46:54.000 And now I'm known from doing shows that a situation like that, all it takes is for somebody from the band to either side stage on the mic or even come out and say, hey, we're going to be out in a little bit.

02:47:06.000 We got this comedian we like.

02:47:07.000 Check him out.

02:47:08.000 We think it's funny.

02:47:09.000 And then that settles everything down.

02:47:10.000 Because now that gives me credibility.

02:47:12.000 Definitely.

02:47:13.000 So it's just about the audience knowing what's going on and that makes everything work easier.

02:47:17.000 When I bring people on the road with me, I always introduce them from the side stage.

02:47:21.000 I always say thank you everybody for coming out and yell out and just get everybody hyped up and let them know.

02:47:26.000 I'm bringing this comedian because I think he's hilarious. 0.98

02:47:29.000 I want you to see good shit. 1.00

02:47:31.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:47:32.000 The people I've opened for have done that for me, side stage.

02:47:36.000 Dimitri's done that, Aziz, Louis.

02:47:39.000 It just helps.

02:47:40.000 It just helps.

02:47:44.000 Especially, I mean, your crowds might be a little bit more aggressive than some others.

02:47:48.000 No, they're nice.

02:47:49.000 They're nice?

02:47:49.000 Yeah, they're very nice.

02:47:50.000 We do a show sometime, man.

02:47:52.000 Let's do a show sometime.

02:47:53.000 Let's do a show sometime.

02:47:54.000 That'd be awesome, man.

02:47:55.000 Yeah, I opened up for Bon Jovi once.

02:47:58.000 Yeah?

02:47:59.000 Where at?

02:47:59.000 I was in a theater in the round in, I think it was in Queens.

02:48:03.000 And it was a long time ago. 0.88

02:48:05.000 It was ridiculous. 0.93

02:48:07.000 First of all, I wasn't that good. 0.84

02:48:09.000 I'd only been doing comedy for like four years.

02:48:11.000 And second of all, they didn't want to see a comedian.

02:48:16.000 It just was a terrible idea.

02:48:18.000 The whole idea was awful. 1.00

02:48:19.000 And I'm standing on this fucking stage surrounded by a drum set and guitar. 0.99

02:48:24.000 I can't move. 1.00

02:48:25.000 I don't know where to stand.

02:48:27.000 It was...

02:48:28.000 Hold on, hold on. 0.98

02:48:30.000 Was the people, like the roadie or anybody, was they moving around and fixing shit behind you? 0.96

02:48:37.000 Oh, it was definitely, yeah. 0.98

02:48:37.000 100%. 0.98

02:48:37.000 That happens sometimes when music is. 0.98

02:48:40.000 If a comedian, they don't respect that, they're still fixing the sound.

02:48:43.000 They might even bang on the drums a little bit and check the guitar.

02:48:46.000 Oh, yeah.

02:48:46.000 No doubt.

02:48:47.000 Check things.

02:48:48.000 Check the drums. 0.99

02:48:51.000 They don't give a fuck. 0.99

02:48:52.000 They don't care about you. 0.99

02:48:53.000 They're just like, I'm trying to do my job the best way possible. 1.00

02:48:56.000 Fuck you and your stand-up. 1.00

02:48:58.000 Yeah, it was just bizarre, man. 1.00

02:48:59.000 It was just bizarre being on a stage when nobody wants you to be doing comedy.

02:49:04.000 They want you to go out there and do comedy for people who didn't want to come see comedy.

02:49:07.000 That's a totally different mindset. 0.98

02:49:09.000 Going to see Bon Jovi and some unknown shithead telling bad jokes. 0.99

02:49:13.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:49:14.000 Waiting for Bon Jovi.

02:49:15.000 They also wanted me to like...

02:49:16.000 Work the crowd.

02:49:18.000 They wanted me to bring women up towards the front. 1.00

02:49:21.000 They wanted me to grab the most attractive women and ask them to come towards the front. 1.00

02:49:26.000 They wanted to sort of engineer the front of the stage.

02:49:28.000 In the middle of your bombing.

02:49:30.000 Exactly. 1.00

02:49:31.000 In the middle of me eating dick. 0.99

02:49:33.000 And there wasn't that many attractive women in the first place. 1.00

02:49:36.000 It was like picking the ones who were attractive.

02:49:38.000 Yeah.

02:49:39.000 Wasn't the best job.

02:49:41.000 So were you able to do that at all?

02:49:43.000 I did something.

02:49:44.000 I mean, it was a long time ago.

02:49:45.000 It was a disaster, whatever it was.

02:49:47.000 I remember getting out of there going, okay, now I know what it's like to open up for a band. 1.00

02:49:52.000 Fuck that. 1.00

02:49:53.000 And that was a nice crowd. 1.00

02:49:54.000 As far as bands go, that's a nice crowd.

02:49:58.000 I just was terrible.

02:49:59.000 I shouldn't have been doing it.

02:50:01.000 I've done gigs recently.

02:50:04.000 Over the past year, it would have been horrible gigs with music, but I just bailed early.

02:50:10.000 If I could feel it in the first couple jokes, I'm like, alright, this isn't fun.

02:50:15.000 Y'all have a good one.

02:50:20.000 Would you still do it?

02:50:21.000 If somebody called you up today and asked you to open up for a band, would you still do it?

02:50:24.000 It depends on the band.

02:50:26.000 I won't do it.

02:50:28.000 It'd have to be a favor and just something, if it was a charity thing or if the money is right.

02:50:33.000 But I'm not just going to turn down the gig because of it being for a band.

02:50:37.000 It has to be, yeah, I have to ask some questions.

02:50:41.000 Well, it's getting also to the point where people know who you are, too.

02:50:43.000 So they come see you and the band.

02:50:45.000 They expect you and the band as part of the whole program.

02:50:48.000 That makes a lot more sense than...

02:50:50.000 Yeah, just me kind of floundering in front of a band.

02:50:53.000 But I think it's been two or three gigs where I just say, you know what?

02:50:57.000 I'm out of here, y'all.

02:50:58.000 And I'll still be like, my name is Hannibal Buress.

02:51:01.000 See y'all later.

02:51:03.000 That's good.

02:51:04.000 Because he's just like, you know what?

02:51:05.000 The gig wasn't right, but I know there's no bearing on what I could do.

02:51:10.000 It just wasn't the right situation.

02:51:12.000 Did you ever see the one where Charlie Murphy tore the checkup?

02:51:15.000 Yeah.

02:51:15.000 Did you ever see that?

02:51:15.000 He didn't really tear that checkup.

02:51:17.000 Well, he didn't.

02:51:17.000 He didn't?

02:51:18.000 I don't think he...

02:51:19.000 Do you know for sure?

02:51:21.000 I think...

02:51:22.000 I remember looking it up more.

02:51:24.000 I think he kept that check and that was a show.

02:51:27.000 I don't know.

02:51:28.000 I know Charlie. 0.96

02:51:29.000 He's kind of crazy. 0.96

02:51:30.000 Yeah. 0.77

02:51:31.000 Charlie would definitely tear up a check. 0.82

02:51:33.000 Especially if he had money and he's got money.

02:51:34.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:51:35.000 He would tear up a check and tell you to go fuck yourself. 1.00

02:51:37.000 Really? 1.00

02:51:37.000 He's got a lot of character. 1.00

02:51:38.000 Well.

02:51:39.000 Yeah.

02:51:40.000 The guy's got balls of steel, man.

02:51:41.000 I'm the type of dude, I'll tear up a check and then have my agent ask for the wire.

02:51:48.000 On second thought, can you send that to this routing number, please?

02:51:53.000 Yeah, that's probably the more intelligent way of doing it, quite honestly.

02:51:57.000 Just tear up a piece of paper. 1.00

02:51:59.000 Fuck a check. 1.00

02:52:00.000 I just want to think about your money. 1.00

02:52:00.000 Fuck you, bitch. 1.00

02:52:03.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:52:04.000 A symbolic check. 1.00

02:52:06.000 Hannibal, you're a funny motherfucker. 0.99

02:52:07.000 Thank you very much for being on the podcast. 0.99

02:52:08.000 Thanks for having me.

02:52:09.000 This was real cool.

02:52:10.000 I enjoyed it very much, man.

02:52:12.000 Okay, Hannibal Burris, go to HannibalBurris.com.

02:52:15.000 You can follow Hannibal on Twitter and definitely either download it from Comedy Central or watch it this Saturday night.

02:52:21.000 What time is it on again?

02:52:21.000 It's on at midnight, midnight Eastern and midnight Pacific and 11 Central and download it now if you want.

02:52:30.000 I like the name too, live from Chicago. 0.99

02:52:32.000 Why fuck around? 1.00

02:52:34.000 Why fuck around? 1.00

02:52:35.000 Yeah, why fuck around? 1.00

02:52:36.000 That's this hubcap shop in my old neighborhood. 1.00

02:52:38.000 Oh really?

02:52:38.000 Yeah.

02:52:39.000 A hubcap shop still around.

02:52:41.000 Yeah, a hubcap shop on North Avenue in Chicago.

02:52:44.000 Alright, that's it folks.

02:52:45.000 We'll be back tomorrow.

02:52:46.000 We got two podcasts tomorrow.

02:52:47.000 Adam Carolla and Honey Honey.

02:52:49.000 And then Friday, it's Dennis McKenna on Friday. 0.99

02:52:53.000 So we got a lot of crazy shit this week. 0.99

02:52:55.000 Thanks to NatureBox. 0.99

02:52:57.000 Thanks to NatureBox.

02:52:59.000 Go to NatureBox.com slash Rogan and get 50% off your first box.

02:53:03.000 Thanks also to Onnit.com.

02:53:06.000 Go to O-N-N-I-T. Use the code word Rogan and save 10%.

02:53:10.000 All right, we'll see you dirty freaks tomorrow. 1.00

02:53:14.000 Oh, April 3rd, I will be at the Fillmore in Miami Beach with Tony Hinchcliffe. 0.93

02:53:22.000 And then, where else am I? April...

02:53:25.000 18th, Orlando.

02:53:26.000 Yeah, April 18th, I'm in Orlando.

02:53:28.000 And the 23rd?

02:53:31.000 What's the other one?

02:53:33.000 Yeah, 25th, I'm in Baltimore.

02:53:35.000 Both of those are with Joey Diaz.

02:53:37.000 So Orlando is the 18th.

02:53:39.000 Go to JoeRogan.net for tickets.

02:53:42.000 Orlando's almost sold out, and Baltimore's almost sold out as well, but there's still some tickets left for Miami.

02:53:47.000 All right, you freaks.

02:53:48.000 We love you.

02:53:48.000 We'll see you tomorrow.

02:53:49.000 Big kiss.

The Joe Rogan Experience - March 25, 2014

Joe Rogan Experience #474 - Hannibal Buress

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