The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #510 - Tony Hinchcliffe

00:00:02.000 Hello, freak bitches. 1.00

00:00:04.000 That's right, we're back. 0.98

00:00:06.000 And this episode, once again, is brought to you by Squarespace.

00:00:10.000 If you have a company, if you have a business, if you are a business, say if you're an entertainer or maybe an artist and you have something and you'd like to let the world know about it, there is no better way to do it than with your own website. 0.97

00:00:24.000 And for the longest time, that was a pain in the dick. 0.98

00:00:28.000 You had to go find someone that you could reliably count on to make you a nice website and they didn't put weird back doors in it where they could sneak dick pics in all your photographs or fuck with you and take too much time and cost you too much money and blah blah blah blah blah. 0.99

00:00:47.000 When you rely on people, it's great when it works out. 0.94

00:00:49.000 It's awesome.

00:00:50.000 When you find someone like, oh, I found this guy who makes great websites and he's my friend.

00:00:54.000 Yay! 0.99

00:00:55.000 It's awesome.

00:00:56.000 It's fun. 0.95

00:00:57.000 But when it's a pain in the ass and when it's not going well, you go, God, I wish I could do this myself. 0.99

00:01:03.000 Well, you can. 0.99

00:01:04.000 Now, today... 0.96

00:01:06.000 With Squarespace, any moron like myself could create a website, a real professional-looking website. 0.81

00:01:13.000 Brian is making a website right now, and he's done 30 of them, 40 of them while we've been doing Squarespace ads. 0.88

00:01:22.000 Every week, while we do a commercial, Brian puts together a website.

00:01:25.000 It's that fucking easy.

00:01:27.000 Hey, I just made a t-shirt for Tony. 0.95

00:01:29.000 They even have a t-shirt builder where you can sit in there.

00:01:32.000 They have a logo builder.

00:01:33.000 You can design your own custom logos very easily.

00:01:36.000 All this is drag and drop type interface.

00:01:39.000 So it's all like the same thing you would do if you were...

00:01:43.000 If you can add pictures to an email, you can figure out how to do this.

00:01:47.000 It's not hard to do.

00:01:48.000 And you can make an outstanding, professional website with 24-7 support. 0.99

00:01:54.000 If you're fucking in your middle, my website sucks, I can't figure this out. 1.00

00:01:58.000 You can get a hold of Squarespace and they'll hook you up. 1.00

00:02:02.000 Squarespace, simple and easy design.

00:02:05.000 They have...

00:02:07.000 Platforms at work, or works rather, on every platform.

00:02:10.000 It'll work on iPad, it'll work on Android, it'll work on Windows, it'll work on Unix.

00:02:15.000 Squarespace can help you design your own website where you can have an immediate professional website with a store.

00:02:24.000 Easy to put together an online store.

00:02:26.000 Easy to sell digital downloads.

00:02:28.000 Say if the Golden Pony, Tony Hinchcliffe, decides to start pop music, and I think you could.

00:02:33.000 I think you could be one of those DJs, like at a rave, like pumping your fist.

00:02:37.000 Oh yeah.

00:02:37.000 You know like Deadmau5 style?

00:02:39.000 That could be you in another life.

00:02:41.000 Anyway, squarespace.com and use the code word JOE. Go to squarespace.com, use the code word JOE, get a free trial, and 10% off your first purchase.

00:02:53.000 So go to squarespace.com and enter in the code JOE. Squarespace, a better web starts with your website.

00:03:01.000 That's hilarious, isn't it?

00:03:02.000 A better web starts with...

00:03:03.000 How about say nothing?

00:03:04.000 It's better than a better web starts with your own website.

00:03:08.000 Because you can't do that.

00:03:10.000 This is the internet. 0.99

00:03:11.000 This is in fucking Nabisco. 0.99

00:03:13.000 A better web starts with your website. 0.99

00:03:16.000 That's amazing because that's already better than my actual website.

00:03:20.000 And I just watched you make it in 10 seconds.

00:03:22.000 And it's better than my t-shirt.

00:03:25.000 That's incredible. 0.99

00:03:26.000 The ones that we judged, we had a Squarespace contest, like end of the year contest, they developed some killer fucking websites. 0.93

00:03:32.000 I still visit that, uh, there's a Storm website. 0.83

00:03:35.000 I don't remember the URL, but this guy took all these crazy photographs of nutty cloud formations and storms coming.

00:03:42.000 Oh, it's awesome. 0.89

00:03:43.000 And it looks like he paid a fucking fortune to make this website. 0.98

00:03:47.000 Did it all himself. 1.00

00:03:47.000 Or herself. 1.00

00:03:48.000 I don't know if it's guy or gal.

00:03:49.000 Anyway, go to squarespace.com and use the code word JOE for a free trial and 10% off your first purchase.

00:03:56.000 Squarespace also lets you try it out before you enter in your credit card information.

00:04:00.000 You can sign up, start building your own website, and go, you know what? 1.00

00:04:04.000 This shit is dope. 1.00

00:04:05.000 This shit is fly! 1.00

00:04:07.000 And then you can end your credit card. 0.99

00:04:09.000 And when you do that, use the code word Joe and save 10% off.

00:04:13.000 We're also brought to you by Ting. 0.85

00:04:15.000 Ting is a cell phone company that does things in a way that I think is the future.

00:04:21.000 Ting's a website...

00:04:23.000 First of all, if you look at the big cell phone providers, whether it's Sprint or Verizon or AT&T, one of the things that bothers people is early termination fees, like getting hooked into a contract.

00:04:39.000 The reason why you do that, and it's very convenient for most of us, Because what they're doing is instead of paying the full amount for a cell phone usually, like it says it's $299, but $699 if you want to buy it on its own,

00:04:54.000 that's the different thing.

00:04:56.000 That $299 when you buy it with a two year contract, if you break that contract you have to pay that money.

00:05:01.000 What you're doing is sort of deferring that money over a long period of time.

00:05:05.000 And if you want to get out, you can't get out. 1.00

00:05:07.000 You're like, shit! 1.00

00:05:09.000 Ting has it so you can get out any time you want. 1.00

00:05:11.000 You buy the phone.

00:05:12.000 You own the phone.

00:05:13.000 They sell the best Android phones you can buy, including the Samsung Galaxy Note 3, which I have.

00:05:19.000 It's an awesome phone.

00:05:19.000 It's really cool.

00:05:20.000 You can write on it. 0.99

00:05:21.000 It's got a little stylus and shit. 0.98

00:05:23.000 The images are gigantic. 0.99

00:05:24.000 For going on the web, it's fucking unparalleled. 0.94

00:05:27.000 There's nothing like it. 0.97

00:05:29.000 An iPhone is great for usability, and you can bring your iPhones also...

00:05:33.000 From Sprint, and they can port them to Ting, and they sell the iPhone 5 for $260.

00:05:39.000 You can actually buy it for $260, and then it's yours. 1.00

00:05:42.000 You own that shit, son. 1.00

00:05:44.000 No contract. 1.00

00:05:45.000 Yeah, and the way Ting uses it too, 98% of people would save money using Ting.

00:05:51.000 That's their claim, not mine.

00:05:52.000 Because I'm no statistician.

00:05:56.000 My Note 3 is about one-eighth of my cell phone price for my iPhone.

00:06:01.000 It's pretty cheap.

00:06:02.000 I think I pay, on average, about $20 a month.

00:06:05.000 It's $21 a month is the average monthly bill.

00:06:08.000 So you have an average bill.

00:06:09.000 I'm below average like normal.

00:06:13.000 $440 is the average annual savings per device for a business with 11 to 20 employees.

00:06:20.000 It's pretty sweet.

00:06:21.000 And like I said, all the best Android cell phones.

00:06:25.000 No termination fees.

00:06:26.000 Go to rogan.ting.com and you can save $25 off your first device.

00:06:31.000 Ting uses the Sprint backbone, so it's not like it's some wonky-ass cell phone network.

00:06:37.000 They use one of the best cell phone networks in the world.

00:06:40.000 And the Sprint backbone, you get the exact same service and coverage that you would if you had Sprint, but you're using a Ting device and you can quit any time you want, and it's all set up.

00:06:51.000 On their terms.

00:06:52.000 An ethical company.

00:06:53.000 Providing you with an awesome service.

00:06:55.000 And everyone that I've talked to about it, they've all loved it.

00:06:59.000 Chris Ryan uses it.

00:07:00.000 Brian uses it.

00:07:01.000 It's a sweet, easy way to save money.

00:07:03.000 Nowadays, you're always on a Wi-Fi network because you're usually always at home or you're always at work and stuff like that.

00:07:09.000 So a lot of people are on these plans now that don't make any sense because no one's really making phone calls anymore.

00:07:15.000 You remember when minutes were a big thing?

00:07:16.000 No one's...

00:07:17.000 Everyone's texting now, and if you're texting and you're connected to your Wi-Fi, a lot of these phones will just like, oh, you're just using this Wi-Fi's network.

00:07:25.000 You're not even using Ting's network.

00:07:27.000 I think it's important to still talk to people on the phone.

00:07:29.000 Do you?

00:07:29.000 I really do.

00:07:30.000 I think we're getting a little weird.

00:07:32.000 We're getting a little weird where you go days in, and you don't talk to a single human when you just text all your friends.

00:07:38.000 I mean, maybe there's some benefit to that sometimes when you want to decompress, but I think for the most part, we should probably talk to each other every now and again.

00:07:45.000 It is interesting.

00:07:46.000 It's like we're going backwards.

00:07:47.000 I'm waiting for us to flip it and just go carrier pigeon or raven like in Game of Thrones.

00:07:52.000 That's gonna be the coolest guy in the neighborhood.

00:07:55.000 The guy that has the first raven that's trained to drop stuff off somewhere. 1.00

00:08:00.000 How hard is it to train a fucking raven? 0.99

00:08:02.000 They don't want to listen to you at all. 1.00

00:08:04.000 They could go anywhere.

00:08:05.000 They can do anything.

00:08:06.000 They can fly. 0.99

00:08:07.000 And they're fucking smart. 0.99

00:08:08.000 It's not like there's no food. 0.99

00:08:10.000 They can find food. 1.00

00:08:11.000 They don't need to listen to your bullshit. 1.00

00:08:13.000 For an animal so smart to travel long distances, you'd think they'd be smart enough to realize they don't have to take that shit. 1.00

00:08:18.000 They could just go do whatever they want. 1.00

00:08:20.000 You know, it's a really fucked up feeling, or a thought, rather. 0.97

00:08:22.000 What if that's how ravens evolve their intelligence? 0.99

00:08:26.000 Because ravens are so smart.

00:08:27.000 They do all these multi-step process tests where a raven has to get a stick and use the stick to get a bigger stick and use that bigger stick to get an even larger stick because they're all down these long tubes.

00:08:37.000 So the raven keeps figuring out that as he gets longer sticks, he can reach and scoop the stick that's longer than that and pull it out and then drop it and then use that one to get a piece of meat.

00:08:47.000 And they do it with like seven or eight steps. 0.68

00:08:49.000 And you watch it and you go, that is freaking me the fuck out. 1.00

00:08:53.000 That thing is smart as shit. 0.99

00:08:54.000 Yeah, they're probably so smart that they figured out how to not have to be the male guy anymore. 1.00

00:09:02.000 Are ravens and crows the same?

00:09:05.000 That's a very good question.

00:09:06.000 I think not.

00:09:08.000 But it seems like they should be, right?

00:09:09.000 Are ravens and crows the same?

00:09:11.000 I think they're both blackbirds, but...

00:09:13.000 So we're just being racist birds.

00:09:16.000 No, that's a good question.

00:09:19.000 Birds are all the same.

00:09:21.000 Are ravens and crows the same?

00:09:22.000 There was a crow fight in my backyard a couple weeks ago and a crow was injured and it landed in my backyard and couldn't get out, couldn't fly anymore.

00:09:32.000 So I just wanted to go out, you know, take my dog out to go to the bathroom and The second I would come out, all the crows in the neighborhood would just start going crazy, like, and then swooping down, trying to protect the injured one. 0.99

00:09:44.000 They're smart as shit. 0.99

00:09:46.000 Yeah, it's weird. 1.00

00:09:47.000 We think of them as just birds, but they're like a little gang.

00:09:50.000 They're a gang of little flying monkeys.

00:09:54.000 This is the explanation.

00:09:56.000 A raven is a bigger version of a crow, although they are the same species.

00:10:01.000 A raven is a common name given to the largest species of birds in the genus Corvus.

00:10:06.000 Corvids are commonly referred to as crows and other species in the same genus.

00:10:11.000 Did you say genus or genus?

00:10:13.000 I guess you say genus, right?

00:10:14.000 That's why I only read, though.

00:10:15.000 I never say, like, genus.

00:10:17.000 It doesn't really come up. 0.56

00:10:18.000 If you use genus in a conversation, you're a douche. 0.90

00:10:20.000 Totally.

00:10:20.000 Unless you're a biologist and you're using genus, you're like, what are you doing?

00:10:24.000 You stop it. 1.00

00:10:25.000 You cut your fucking fanciness. 1.00

00:10:28.000 Well, they're from the genus. 1.00

00:10:31.000 Corvids.

00:10:32.000 Okay, so that's what it is.

00:10:33.000 And they're the same genids as jackdaws and rooks.

00:10:38.000 I don't know what any of those birds are.

00:10:40.000 There you go.

00:10:41.000 So now you know.

00:10:42.000 Go to wikipedia.org and look up ravens.

00:10:47.000 And that's it.

00:10:48.000 Ting.

00:10:49.000 Rogan.ting.com.

00:10:50.000 Awesome cell phone company.

00:10:52.000 We love them.

00:10:55.000 Save 25 bucks.

00:10:57.000 Boom, shallock, lock, boom.

00:10:58.000 Oh, Ian Edwards has a new CD that's out right now, and it's on the Team Coco label.

00:11:03.000 Team Coco, meaning, of course, the great Conan O'Brien, has his own record label, I guess.

00:11:09.000 And he's putting out...

00:11:11.000 This is the first one.

00:11:11.000 Yeah.

00:11:12.000 And Ian Edwards, our friend, fucking 100% awesome. 0.80

00:11:16.000 His CD's called 100% Half-Assed, and it's Ian sitting on the end of his bed doing stand-up, because that's where he'd like to be able to do stand-up. 0.98

00:11:26.000 He's just a super funny dude and one of the nicest guys I know and I've known Ian forever and he's just cool as shit. 0.93

00:11:31.000 So support, support. 0.80

00:11:34.000 And he's really funny, man.

00:11:35.000 Really funny. 0.97

00:11:36.000 I guarantee you enjoy the shit out of it. 0.96

00:11:38.000 So go to records.teamcocoa.com And you can see Ian Edwards 100% half-assed. 0.97

00:11:44.000 This weekend I will be with the great Tony Hinchcliffe and the great Brian Cowan.

00:11:51.000 We're in Lloydminster on Thursday and then we are in Vancouver on Friday.

00:11:58.000 Vancouver is the Orpheum Theatre.

00:12:00.000 I think one of them sold out.

00:12:03.000 I think it's the Lloyd Minster one.

00:12:05.000 We're really close. 0.99

00:12:06.000 So if you want to get your freak on with us, jump on it, bitches! 1.00

00:12:10.000 Alright, that's it. 0.99

00:12:11.000 Boom, Sherlock, lock, boom. 1.00

00:12:13.000 We don't need any other fucking goddamn advertisements. 1.00

00:12:16.000 Cue the music. 1.00

00:12:16.000 Go to onit.com. 1.00

00:12:19.000 Get some brain pills.

00:12:27.000 Good googly moogly, Tony Hinchcliffe. 1.00

00:12:30.000 Good googly moogly, fresh back from Indiana, letting those middle America people know what the fuck is up. 0.99

00:12:37.000 Middle America is a lot like Middle Earth in some ways, you know? 0.99

00:12:41.000 You know Middle Earth, like where the hobbits lived, the good folk? 1.00

00:12:45.000 Wasn't Middle Earth like the cool people? 0.86

00:12:48.000 That's where the hobbits were?

00:12:50.000 I don't know about that, but I do know that Indianapolis...

00:12:53.000 I learned something this weekend about Indianapolis, and that's that it's like the south of the Midwest.

00:12:58.000 They're very southern in a lot of ways.

00:13:00.000 It's amazing, though, because it's pretty much straight west of Columbus, but they're like...

00:13:06.000 And they were laughing about it, so I'm not insulting them, but they're a lot more like uh-huh uh-huh than the cities around them.

00:13:13.000 Like, you just go a few miles down the road and all of a sudden it's all about racing and it's all about guns and a lot of camo shorts I saw because it's starting to be summer there, so...

00:13:22.000 Yeah, there's a lot of country music lovers there.

00:13:25.000 It's like Kentucky.

00:13:27.000 Like, you'd never think that Kentucky is right next to Cincinnati.

00:13:30.000 Yeah.

00:13:30.000 You know, like, you think of Cincinnati, you think of, like, Cincinnati WKRP, remember that show?

00:13:35.000 With Lonnie Anderson?

00:13:36.000 You think of Cincinnati as like a city.

00:13:38.000 Yeah.

00:13:39.000 And you think of Kentucky as, oh, man, what's going on down there?

00:13:43.000 A lot of banjo picking and moonshine making barbecue and woo-hoo!

00:13:48.000 You don't think it's, like, right next to Cincinnati.

00:13:50.000 Yeah.

00:13:51.000 The Cincinnati airport's in Kentucky.

00:13:53.000 Oh, it is?

00:13:54.000 Yeah.

00:13:54.000 You land in Kentucky.

00:13:55.000 They call it the Cincinnati Airport because they're ashamed they're in Kentucky.

00:13:59.000 That's so sad.

00:14:00.000 And I'm like, you know, Kentucky people, Kentucky's awesome.

00:14:03.000 Louisville's awesome.

00:14:04.000 You know, Kentucky Fried Chicken.

00:14:06.000 You guys are known for bourbon. 1.00

00:14:07.000 You guys make some great shit. 1.00

00:14:09.000 Kentucky's where Corvettes are made. 1.00

00:14:11.000 They make all their Corvettes in Kentucky. 0.93

00:14:13.000 Jeremy Clarkson, the guy from Top Gear, I was driving this Corvette, and he yelled out while I was driving it, Well done, fat man from Kentucky!

00:14:24.000 You have created a masterpiece!

00:14:26.000 I thought you were going to say he was going to yell out the N-word or something.

00:14:29.000 No.

00:14:30.000 He did that later.

00:14:31.000 He did that later. 1.00

00:14:32.000 That poor bastard. 1.00

00:14:34.000 People have hubris, man. 1.00

00:14:35.000 They think they can say things like that.

00:14:37.000 I read something cool about Kentucky Fried Chicken.

00:14:40.000 Since you brought it up, I'm going to say it.

00:14:42.000 It's...

00:14:43.000 The colonel, whoever the actual KFC guy was, his protege, or the person who he trained underneath him, his favorite guy coming up the ranks of fast food, helped him out a lot, made some major decisions, was the guy that told him,

00:14:59.000 put the chicken in a bucket instead of a box.

00:15:02.000 This guy was Dave Thomas, who then went on to make all the Wendy's.

00:15:05.000 Whoa! 0.71

00:15:06.000 Powerful fast food conspiracy theory by Tony Hitchcock.

00:15:10.000 No, it's not conspiracy theory.

00:15:12.000 It's a fact. 1.00

00:15:13.000 This is like some shit that your friends told you when you were in high school. 0.99

00:15:16.000 It turned out to be totally false, but you repeated it forever. 1.00

00:15:19.000 Nabisco is owned by the same people who make missiles. 0.86

00:15:23.000 They're trying to kill you one way or another, bro.

00:15:26.000 It's either with cupcakes or with missiles. 0.61

00:15:28.000 Well, it is the same company that makes cigarettes.

00:15:31.000 Nabisco is R.J. Reynolds, and R.J.R. Nabisco, R.J.R. is R.J. Reynolds.

00:15:37.000 Impossible. 1.00

00:15:38.000 The people feeding you Twinkies would not hate you and want you dead. 0.98

00:15:42.000 Is that Nabisco? 0.52

00:15:42.000 Were they Twinkies? 0.52

00:15:43.000 Did Nabisco have Twinkies?

00:15:45.000 No.

00:15:45.000 Who had Twinkies?

00:15:46.000 Hostess.

00:15:47.000 Hostess.

00:15:47.000 It's not the same?

00:15:48.000 But it could be under the same. 0.99

00:15:49.000 I'm so dumb. 0.96

00:15:50.000 Nabisco owns a lot of stuff. 1.00

00:15:51.000 I'm so dumb. 0.99

00:15:51.000 It's painful. 0.99

00:15:54.000 But Nabisco is known as being like, you know, if you think of like snacks, right?

00:15:59.000 You think of like something that's yummy but not necessarily good for you.

00:16:02.000 I picture the Nilla wafers.

00:16:04.000 Remember those?

00:16:04.000 Yeah.

00:16:05.000 What do they have that's like real bullshit? 1.00

00:16:07.000 Nabisco. 1.00

00:16:09.000 Nabisco.

00:16:09.000 They have some good chocolate chip cookies.

00:16:11.000 Yeah.

00:16:12.000 Right? 0.99

00:16:13.000 Nabisco is some good goddamn chocolate chip cookies. 0.99

00:16:14.000 They got the Keebler elves on their side, I do believe. 0.99

00:16:16.000 Check this out.

00:16:17.000 Dave Thomas and Colonel Sanders both won first place.

00:16:23.000 They tied for who could best fry chicken.

00:16:26.000 Wow.

00:16:27.000 Dave Thomas' chicken.

00:16:28.000 Why doesn't Dave Thomas just sell...

00:16:29.000 I mean, he's dead now, but when he was alive, why didn't he sell chicken at Wendy's?

00:16:32.000 He did.

00:16:33.000 There was a test market.

00:16:34.000 Well, they do sell chicken at Wendy's, but there was a test...

00:16:36.000 But chicken sandwiches.

00:16:37.000 You can't get a bucket of chicken.

00:16:39.000 There was a test market company that Wendy's started that I only think stayed in Columbus or at least Ohio called Sister's Chicken.

00:16:45.000 I don't know if you think that was outside of Ohio.

00:16:47.000 Yeah, I remember that.

00:16:47.000 And they actually were way better than Kentucky Fried Chicken.

00:16:50.000 They had these little chicken littles.

00:16:53.000 Chicken littles?

00:16:54.000 Like a nugget?

00:16:55.000 It was like White Castles but with chicken. 1.00

00:16:58.000 Oh, shit. 1.00

00:16:59.000 Dave Thomas is like the Steve Jobs-a-fest. 1.00

00:17:03.000 Well, hey, he figured out a lot of shit with Wendy's. 1.00

00:17:06.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:17:06.000 Like, he really did. 1.00

00:17:07.000 Like, one of the things was that the food is never frozen.

00:17:09.000 Like, if you get a steak or a hamburger patty, a steak, if you get a hamburger patty from any other place, it's usually frozen.

00:17:16.000 And they just sort of...

00:17:17.000 Like, if you look at some of them, they don't even look like meat.

00:17:20.000 Like, White Castle, it doesn't even look like meat.

00:17:22.000 Right.

00:17:22.000 It's so confusing.

00:17:23.000 You're looking at what a White Castle burger is, it's delicious, but you're like, what the fuck am I eating? 0.99

00:17:27.000 Mm-hmm. 0.96

00:17:28.000 But if you look at Wendy's, they get their patties, their big thick patties, and they get them and they don't ever freeze them.

00:17:35.000 They just throw them right onto the grill, which has got to be better. 0.98

00:17:38.000 The less you can freeze shit, you've got to think, when you're eating things, you're kind of taking in live cultures. 0.97

00:17:46.000 If you eat yogurt, you take in live bacteria. 0.99

00:17:49.000 And when you eat anything, whether it's...

00:17:56.000 Any kind of foods sort of have some sort of bacteria or fungus on it, just a slight amount.

00:18:00.000 So when you're taking them in, you're taking in living things.

00:18:04.000 Whenever you just totally freeze the fuck out of living things, it's never good.

00:18:09.000 It just can't be good.

00:18:12.000 Something's got to be missing there.

00:18:14.000 I mean, I'm no scientist, but I think when you freeze it until it literally doesn't rot, it's not supposed to happen. 0.99

00:18:22.000 That's supposed to be fucked. 1.00

00:18:23.000 If you have crops and your crops freeze, you're supposed to be fucked. 1.00

00:18:28.000 That's what it's supposed to be. 1.00

00:18:29.000 It's not supposed to be freeze shit and you're eating frozen peas. 0.98

00:18:33.000 What is even in those things? 1.00

00:18:35.000 That shit ain't a regular pea. 0.99

00:18:37.000 That's gotta cause something, right? 0.99

00:18:39.000 When that stuff gets frozen on the surface of a thing.

00:18:41.000 I would like to see a scientific analysis.

00:18:43.000 Maybe I'm totally wrong, but from my bro woo-woo factor, how I would describe it, I would say you're losing the essence of the life form of the plant. 0.96

00:18:52.000 Once you freeze it, kill it. 0.89

00:18:54.000 Everything's dead. 0.99

00:18:55.000 That's the reason why it's not rotting.

00:18:57.000 It's all that bacteria that would normally break down anything that you leave out and it starts to decay.

00:19:02.000 That's all on the surface of that anyway.

00:19:05.000 Right?

00:19:05.000 I mean, it just takes time to rot.

00:19:07.000 That's what it is.

00:19:08.000 So then when it thaws out, you have some dead bacteria instead of live bacteria on the surface of your thing.

00:19:13.000 Yeah, that's got to be part of it.

00:19:14.000 I mean, isn't that...

00:19:15.000 That is what, like, taking live cultures is all about. 0.85

00:19:18.000 Like, everybody wants to eat probiotic stuff.

00:19:20.000 Like, probiotic.

00:19:21.000 I have some probiotic sauerkraut, man.

00:19:23.000 It was amazing.

00:19:24.000 What does probiotic mean?

00:19:26.000 It means it's rotting.

00:19:27.000 Like, probiotic sauerkraut is, it's like, it's almost like carbonated.

00:19:31.000 You ever have that stuff?

00:19:32.000 It's like fermented.

00:19:33.000 Oh, I've had it, yeah.

00:19:34.000 It's really good.

00:19:35.000 I love it.

00:19:35.000 It's delicious.

00:19:36.000 And super good for you. 0.98

00:19:38.000 It's like, a lot of people don't know, like, raw sauerkraut is fucking really good for you. 0.97

00:19:41.000 Oh, yeah. 0.75

00:19:42.000 It's got a live thing you're taking into your body, and that live culture is very good for fighting off diseases and for balancing your stomach.

00:19:52.000 There's a lot of people, they're connecting it with autism in a lot of ways, because a lot of people with autism also have bowel issues and gut issues, and they think that it could possibly be connected to a wrong balance of bacteria in your body,

00:20:08.000 an imbalance.

00:20:08.000 Which is fascinating, man.

00:20:10.000 Yeah, sauerkraut's one of the few things that is good for you and completely delicious at the same time.

00:20:15.000 Yeah, how crazy is that?

00:20:16.000 Like, it makes a hot dog 50% better.

00:20:19.000 Oh, yeah.

00:20:19.000 Easily.

00:20:20.000 Sausage.

00:20:21.000 You could put it just with anything.

00:20:23.000 Oh, Jesus, Tony.

00:20:23.000 You're making me so hot.

00:20:25.000 Sausage.

00:20:26.000 Sauerkraut's one of those foods where you can smell it and picture it right in front of you.

00:20:30.000 With a good brown, seedy mustard.

00:20:32.000 Oh, Jesus.

00:20:34.000 Whoever figured that out?

00:20:35.000 All the other vegetables must be so jealous.

00:20:37.000 They don't get to be on hot dogs.

00:20:39.000 You get pickles, cucumbers, and sauerkraut.

00:20:43.000 Those are the happy ones. 0.99

00:20:44.000 Lettuce and tomatoes are kind of bullshit on my cheeseburger. 0.99

00:20:47.000 Oh, yeah, totally. 1.00

00:20:47.000 The fuck is that thing? 1.00

00:20:48.000 All those cool vegetables hate on the lettuce and tomatoes. 1.00

00:20:51.000 Why should lettuce and tomato be allowed to be on a cheeseburger? 0.96

00:20:53.000 Like, let's pretend this is healthy!

00:20:55.000 It's so true. 0.84

00:20:56.000 Lettuce is less than nothing.

00:20:58.000 Yeah.

00:20:58.000 What's the difference between a bratwurst and a sausage?

00:21:01.000 That's a good question.

00:21:04.000 It must be the preparation, right?

00:21:06.000 In Ohio, bratwursts were everywhere. 0.70

00:21:09.000 There were restaurants that specialized in bratwursts.

00:21:11.000 Here, I'm always looking for a bratwurst, and I can only find sausages or hot dogs.

00:21:15.000 There's got to be a place.

00:21:16.000 I know you can get them at the store.

00:21:18.000 I think bratwursts might be a little bit of a smokier flavor.

00:21:21.000 That's my guess going into it.

00:21:22.000 I have no idea.

00:21:24.000 Let's talk sausage, guys.

00:21:25.000 It's a real sausage fest.

00:21:26.000 We're talking ravens and sausages.

00:21:29.000 Okay.

00:21:30.000 The same difference between a square and a rectangle.

00:21:34.000 What?

00:21:37.000 You've just broke the internet.

00:21:38.000 A bratwurst...

00:21:41.000 Okay, this is the weirdest example ever.

00:21:43.000 The guy said a square is a rectangle, but a rectangle is not a square.

00:21:47.000 Oh, I see.

00:21:48.000 So, is a bratwurst a sausage, but any sausage is not a bratwurst.

00:21:53.000 Bratwurst are pork sausage with a medium grind spiced mainly with pepper.

00:22:00.000 Sausage is any ground meat in casing.

00:22:03.000 So it seems like it's a sausage.

00:22:04.000 It's just a different type of sausage.

00:22:06.000 That's all it is.

00:22:07.000 I mean, it's a pork sausage.

00:22:08.000 You can call it a bratwurst all you want.

00:22:10.000 That's a creepy word, too.

00:22:12.000 What is that?

00:22:14.000 What do you think caused certain parts of the world to develop that sound?

00:22:23.000 Like when you get weird sounds, bratwurst... 0.99

00:22:27.000 Weird fucking language sounds. 0.99

00:22:29.000 Those sounds that people in that region made. 1.00

00:22:31.000 Like, what got them to do that?

00:22:33.000 You know what's crazy?

00:22:34.000 They think the opposite of us.

00:22:36.000 Like, oh, I'm an American.

00:22:38.000 I enunciate my...

00:22:39.000 You know what I mean?

00:22:40.000 That's what's crazy is we look at them like...

00:22:42.000 They're weird.

00:22:43.000 Imagine how weird we sound.

00:22:45.000 If you think of what they sound like and what we sound like, their perspective must sound like we're singing things because it's so pure.

00:22:54.000 Well, we're a fascinating example for the rest of the world because if you look at all the other English languages in the world, they all are pretty similar.

00:23:01.000 Australian and New Zealand, I mean, they've got a good day.

00:23:04.000 They've got a little bit of a difference, but it still sounds like an English accent.

00:23:08.000 It's like an altered English accent.

00:23:10.000 Whereas we got over here and went...

00:23:11.000 Nah, not so much. 0.99

00:23:14.000 No, we're going to say it our way, fuckface. 0.99

00:23:16.000 And we're going to make more bombs, and we're going to make it how everybody talks. 1.00

00:23:20.000 Your way's weird now.

00:23:21.000 Yeah, you're going to have to learn our way.

00:23:22.000 Yeah, the English language is quite weird.

00:23:25.000 If you're somewhere, and you're talking to a man, and he starts talking to you like this, you're like, Sir, I'm having a hard time understanding you right now.

00:23:32.000 That's not English. 1.00

00:23:33.000 This is English, fucker. 1.00

00:23:35.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:23:35.000 Hear that? 1.00

00:23:35.000 Nice and clean. 1.00

00:23:36.000 No fucking words slurring into the next word, like word soup. 1.00

00:23:41.000 You're on a goddamn word food train. 1.00

00:23:44.000 We're perfect over here in America. 1.00

00:23:46.000 We know how to rock it. 0.99

00:23:47.000 We fucking took your language and minceed it. 1.00

00:23:50.000 We made it better. 1.00

00:23:54.000 We haven't been seeing your language, bitch. 1.00

00:23:56.000 Who's our shooter of the day? 0.99

00:23:57.000 I haven't heard yet today.

00:23:58.000 I don't know.

00:23:59.000 I hope they catch him. 1.00

00:24:02.000 Fuck her, man. 1.00

00:24:03.000 It's getting ugly, dude. 1.00

00:24:04.000 That North Hollywood shit was crazy. 0.99

00:24:06.000 So that dude, the North Hollywood thing, for folks who don't know, there was a man on a roof, and I saw it from Eliza Schlesinger's Twitter. 0.99

00:24:14.000 Eliza Schlesinger was torturing her ex-boyfriend on Twitter and She dated a guy, Schlesinger, that made up a complete total history.

00:24:26.000 He said his mom was dying.

00:24:28.000 His mom was fine.

00:24:29.000 There's nothing wrong with his mom.

00:24:30.000 He said he went to Yale.

00:24:31.000 He never went to Yale.

00:24:32.000 He said he was starting up all these businesses.

00:24:34.000 The guy was like $100,000 in debt.

00:24:36.000 He was living with roommates.

00:24:38.000 He totally fabricated this super successful...

00:24:41.000 Eliza Schlesinger got Saratiana'd?

00:24:43.000 She got Saratiana'd.

00:24:45.000 Whoa! 0.71

00:24:46.000 She got Sara Tianan hardcore, but she was going off on her Twitter.

00:24:50.000 And then I saw something about shoot the guy on the roof, and I'm like, what guy on the roof? 1.00

00:24:54.000 Like, you know, she was saying, kill that fucking guy. 1.00

00:24:56.000 She's so crazy. 1.00

00:24:57.000 So then I went and I started looking up stories.

00:25:01.000 What exactly is the full story?

00:25:03.000 Well what pretty much happened is it started off as a police chase and then it went on like it was one of those ones that just went on every single highway and the guy finally got out in North Hollywood And he just got out of his car.

00:25:16.000 And when he was driving, he was holding out a big rifle, an automated rifle, just like hanging out the window.

00:25:23.000 And so he pulls his car over in North Hollywood, and he gets out of his car, and he pulls out this huge gun.

00:25:31.000 And he just starts walking down North Hollywood with this gun.

00:25:34.000 And then he gets on top of a roof of a house.

00:25:37.000 And then at that time, that's when I tuned in, because I saw Eliza's tweet also.

00:25:42.000 I thought he was just going to shoot himself.

00:25:44.000 For about 20 minutes, he was on top of a roof with a gun.

00:25:48.000 Then he comes down off the roof and he breaks into this house.

00:25:52.000 Luckily, there was nobody home.

00:25:54.000 He just sat in the house for about four hours.

00:25:56.000 That's when the real life just completely became boring.

00:26:01.000 The news for three hours or however long it was was just repeating the same thing over and over there for three hours.

00:26:07.000 Finally, they got the SWAT team all around the house.

00:26:10.000 And they shot in a bunch of containers of smoke or whatever.

00:26:16.000 Tear gas.

00:26:17.000 And the guy just walks out. 0.99

00:26:18.000 But what was the coolest thing is that the two police dogs just came running up to him, sniffed his leg, and then sat down right next to him, just like, hey, we're waiting for a whistle before we just chew your dick apart. 0.99

00:26:31.000 And the guy just surrendered. 0.98

00:26:32.000 So it was a really crazy beginning part of the movie. 0.59

00:26:37.000 And then it just sucked at the end.

00:26:40.000 Well, it seems like four hours. 0.66

00:26:42.000 You know, the problem with, we have a short attention span.

00:26:45.000 We want all these live altercations to go down as if they're a 90-minute movie that we can pay attention to.

00:26:52.000 Yeah, but I mean, just yesterday, there was somebody in Vegas.

00:26:55.000 I don't know if you saw the Walmart incident that happened, or the day before in Vegas. 0.99

00:27:00.000 Do you think this is copycat shit? 0.99

00:27:01.000 I think something's going on, man. 1.00

00:27:03.000 I was talking about it four days ago, like how we've been having a shooter every day.

00:27:08.000 There was that guy in Canada that I don't even know if they ever caught in Canada.

00:27:11.000 The guy that just had like three guns and he was going through neighborhoods shooting cops and stuff.

00:27:15.000 Yeah, he was shooting those guys who look like Bullwinkle's buddy.

00:27:18.000 Yeah.

00:27:19.000 They dress like Bullwinkle's pal.

00:27:21.000 The Canadian Royal Mounties.

00:27:24.000 It's a horrible story.

00:27:25.000 He shot like three of them up there.

00:27:27.000 I met someone who knew that guy.

00:27:30.000 I can't remember the exact thing, but they weren't surprised.

00:27:35.000 It seems like it is kind of like a weird copycat thing, though.

00:27:38.000 Because, I mean, we've been having it ever since the Santa Barbara douchebag.

00:27:42.000 Well, there's a lot of people out there that are probably on the edge.

00:27:45.000 And it just takes one thing like that to push them.

00:27:49.000 Yeah, the school things with these...

00:27:52.000 You know, like I saw part of that...

00:27:56.000 He was talking like he was doing something much bigger than shooting a few people.

00:28:03.000 He was saying things like, I'm going to show America or the world.

00:28:09.000 He's talking on such a grand scale.

00:28:13.000 I think that they really think that it's even bigger than it is and that they're like a hero or something.

00:28:19.000 They're going to be remembered for that.

00:28:21.000 Well, they know that that's the thing that people are most afraid of.

00:28:23.000 So you can cause that thing to happen and you become famous.

00:28:25.000 I mean, it's that simple.

00:28:27.000 And they equate in their head being famous in that way as having an impact.

00:28:32.000 Obviously, the guy had a huge impact with all the people's families that he killed.

00:28:35.000 That guy just drove around.

00:28:36.000 He killed his three roommates.

00:28:37.000 What was fascinating was that that became...

00:28:41.000 This, like, woman's rights sort of hashtag.

00:28:46.000 Yes, all women.

00:28:48.000 I wouldn't say woman rights.

00:28:50.000 Like, awareness.

00:28:52.000 Awareness of violence that women face.

00:28:54.000 And I gotta admit, it makes you think about it in a different way.

00:28:58.000 That hashtag is a great hashtag.

00:29:01.000 Yes, all women.

00:29:02.000 Because not all men...

00:29:04.000 You don't have to worry about the things that women have to worry about. 1.00

00:29:07.000 You don't have to worry about being raped by chicks. 1.00

00:29:09.000 You don't have to worry about women beating you up or women stealing things from you or women trying to rape you. 0.99

00:29:15.000 You don't have to worry about it. 0.95

00:29:16.000 But women have to worry about it for men. 1.00

00:29:18.000 It's a whole different world they live in.

00:29:20.000 You know, it's hard to think about when you live in your world.

00:29:24.000 You know, your world's pretty easy. 0.51

00:29:25.000 You're a super twink.

00:29:26.000 Right. 1.00

00:29:27.000 Well, yeah, I was going to say, I'm about 130 pounds, so I'm pretty sure I can be raped at any given point. 0.97

00:29:33.000 I know a little.

00:29:34.000 The hashtag should be YesAllWomen and Tony Henshler.

00:29:38.000 I know what it's like to be a woman.

00:29:40.000 Do you remember when someone said that from the Who?

00:29:43.000 Pete Townsend said that?

00:29:44.000 He knows what it's like to be a woman.

00:29:47.000 Because he's been a woman. 0.90

00:29:48.000 Really?

00:29:49.000 Yeah, it was some crazy claim or some crazy statement about having had bisexual experiences.

00:29:56.000 Pete Townsend's one of those guys.

00:29:58.000 If you do a little research, he has some crazy stuff about him, but he can get away with anything because he's the lead guitarist from The Who and he does that windmill thing.

00:30:06.000 When you're that cool, you could...

00:30:07.000 Be crazy, but he has like some crazy history. 0.85

00:30:10.000 He got investigated for child pornography. 0.98

00:30:12.000 Yeah.

00:30:13.000 And he said that he was doing it for some sort of a research project or something like that.

00:30:17.000 He was researching child pornography, so in doing so, he's searching for it. 0.99

00:30:21.000 Yeah, I don't remember what the project was that he was involved with, that he was saying he was involved with, but that's kind of fucked. 0.99

00:30:28.000 There's one woman that could beat up, you were talking about there's no, like guys can get raped by women and stuff like that. 1.00

00:30:33.000 Did you see that woman that beat up that little 17-year-old kid and he filmed the whole thing on the Connecticut beach? 0.99

00:30:39.000 There's chicks like that out there. 1.00

00:30:40.000 He filmed it while she was beating him up?

00:30:42.000 Yeah, there's this woman in Connecticut. 1.00

00:30:43.000 He was flying with those little toy drones on the beach and it has little cameras in it.

00:30:49.000 And she thought, a crazy woman, like, oh, he's recording us, like, it's illegal or something to do that. 0.58

00:30:53.000 And she started, like, calling the police, and he started filming it on his iPhone, what she was doing.

00:30:58.000 And right when she got off the phone with the police, she's like, you better get here!

00:31:00.000 I got him right now!

00:31:02.000 And just starts beating this kid up.

00:31:04.000 And he's filming the whole thing like that. 0.96

00:31:06.000 After I saw this video, I actually had to go in the other room and just sit down, because my heart was racing so hard, I just wanted to kill somebody.

00:31:14.000 Would you like to look at it? 0.80

00:31:16.000 I'm mad about it!

00:31:19.000 I want to find this woman.

00:31:23.000 This is going to drive you crazy.

00:31:24.000 I love this.

00:31:26.000 This is making me mad.

00:31:27.000 You had to go sit in another room because your heart was beating.

00:31:30.000 You're going to be okay, buddy.

00:31:31.000 Just breathe.

00:31:37.000 Andrew Amir's 23 did not appreciate this man flying his drone on the beach.

00:31:42.000 She was under the impression she had an exception of privacy on a public beach.

00:31:45.000 This guy is taking pictures and trying to upload them from a camera.

00:31:49.000 Can you guys get here?

00:31:51.000 I'm not realizing there's video recording her.

00:31:54.000 He's taking pictures of people on the beach with a helicopter plane.

00:31:59.000 Wow.

00:32:00.000 Yeah, can you guys hurry?

00:32:01.000 The video kept him from getting arrested because she said that he had assaulted her.

00:32:04.000 I already talked to him.

00:32:05.000 Just come.

00:32:06.000 They released him after they showed the video from the iPhone.

00:32:09.000 Yeah, stop, stop, stop, stop. 1.00

00:32:14.000 It gets so fucked up. 0.99

00:32:15.000 Well right now, all you're seeing is this kid holding on to his equipment. 0.99

00:32:19.000 The woman is confronting him.

00:32:20.000 He's trying to put his equipment away. 1.00

00:32:25.000 You're assaulting me, you ass wife! 1.00

00:32:31.000 Whoa. 1.00

00:32:32.000 She's like really...

00:32:33.000 It's hard to see what's happening here.

00:32:35.000 You'll go see.

00:32:42.000 Yeah, I think this is fake.

00:32:43.000 No, it's not.

00:32:43.000 The woman was arrested.

00:32:46.000 This is on the news.

00:32:47.000 What is this guy doing?

00:32:48.000 That's a weird half guard variation.

00:32:49.000 Yeah, you want to take pictures?

00:32:51.000 Look at that.

00:32:51.000 Her hands are ripping in Thera's mouth.

00:32:53.000 Yeah, she's putting her hands in his mouth. 1.00

00:32:56.000 Ugh.

00:32:56.000 And he's filming it the entire time, like as a selfie.

00:32:59.000 Smart.

00:33:00.000 It's hilarious, actually.

00:33:01.000 Yeah, you can see how it feels in sleep, Tom. 0.92

00:33:03.000 Oh my god, this girl's crazy. 0.96

00:33:05.000 She's got a terrible half guard. 1.00

00:33:07.000 Now, what told me?

00:33:08.000 If you weren't assaulting me, I wouldn't be touching you.

00:33:12.000 Maybe you shouldn't be taking pictures of people!

00:33:15.000 On the beach!

00:33:17.000 Do you want to stop assaulting me? 0.96

00:33:18.000 Get off of me! 1.00

00:33:20.000 I'm gonna beat your ass, you little motherfucker! 1.00

00:33:22.000 Can someone call the cops? 1.00

00:33:23.000 I'm being assaulted!

00:33:26.000 Help! 0.98

00:33:29.000 Wow.

00:33:31.000 He's just totally playing her.

00:33:33.000 He's not really scared.

00:33:35.000 He's just happy that he's filming all this.

00:33:37.000 Yeah.

00:33:38.000 Please get off of me.

00:33:47.000 That video makes me crazy.

00:33:49.000 It says photography is not a crime.

00:33:51.000 It's amazing that he got that.

00:33:53.000 Why does that make you so mad?

00:33:54.000 To me it's funny.

00:33:55.000 Because I've been in situations with psych...

00:33:58.000 What's funny is he wasn't in danger.

00:34:00.000 He was doing this the whole time. 0.99

00:34:03.000 He was making sure he filmed this girl beating the shit out of him. 1.00

00:34:06.000 He didn't even stop her or defend himself. 0.99

00:34:09.000 He wasn't scared. 0.98

00:34:10.000 I've been in domestic violence things before, though, and that shit where she could have just said, yeah, he attacked me and stuff like that. 0.98

00:34:17.000 She did, right? 0.98

00:34:18.000 She did say that.

00:34:19.000 I know, that whole situation drives me nuts.

00:34:22.000 The fact where it makes me want to have a GoPro on me recording all day long.

00:34:26.000 You get assaulted by chicks all day long? 1.00

00:34:29.000 Imagine if we got Brian's upload, and all day it'd be like chicks punching him, holding him down the parking lot, and fucking kicking him in the balls. 1.00

00:34:36.000 You just assaulted me! 0.99

00:34:38.000 And he just wasn't telling us about these...

00:34:40.000 Get over me! 1.00

00:34:42.000 He was just keeping all these from us because he didn't want us talking about it on the show.

00:34:45.000 It's like, you know, every day, another one, I'm going to bring it up. 0.99

00:34:48.000 No, fuck it, they're going to make fun of me. 1.00

00:34:51.000 All day is just chicks beating his ass. 1.00

00:34:54.000 Yeah, I don't know, man. 1.00

00:34:55.000 I mean, she's obviously an asshole, but he was, like, letting her get away with it on purpose. 1.00

00:35:01.000 It is amazing, though. 1.00

00:35:02.000 It is amazing.

00:35:03.000 Five, ten years ago...

00:35:04.000 That same thing happens.

00:35:06.000 That 17-year-old who was just flying his plane on a beach ends up going to jail because if a woman does say, this guy assaulted me, and the cops come there and they see his shirt half ripped as if she was in a defensive position, you know what I mean?

00:35:22.000 Absolutely.

00:35:23.000 It's amazing.

00:35:24.000 Yeah.

00:35:24.000 There's no doubt.

00:35:25.000 There's no doubt.

00:35:26.000 Well, she said that he was assaulted.

00:35:28.000 Or that he assaulted her, rather.

00:35:29.000 They showed the video, and that's what got him off. 0.99

00:35:32.000 So I think that she's obviously a crazy person and would lie. 1.00

00:35:35.000 But I think that's normal for people that beat your ass. 1.00

00:35:37.000 Like, people that beat your ass like that, like physically beat your ass, they're fucking crazy. 1.00

00:35:42.000 They're crazy. 1.00

00:35:42.000 Of course they're going to lie. 1.00

00:35:43.000 They're not telling the truth. 1.00

00:35:44.000 They're fucked up. 1.00

00:35:45.000 Oh, yeah. 1.00

00:35:46.000 They're a mess.

00:35:47.000 Like, that's got to be the hardest thing about being a cop.

00:35:49.000 He's like, you're showing up and two people are beating the fuck out of each other.

00:35:52.000 You gotta figure out who did what?

00:35:53.000 And you always gotta side with the woman. 0.93

00:35:55.000 You just gotta.

00:35:56.000 O.J. Simpson law is what they nicknamed it.

00:35:59.000 And the reason why you gotta side with the woman is because, like, let's reverse that scenario.

00:36:02.000 If that guy had been beating that girl up, it wouldn't be funny at all.

00:36:06.000 Right.

00:36:06.000 But it was funny to me, watching that guy, you're assaulting me!

00:36:09.000 Will you stop assaulting me while he's selfying himself?

00:36:12.000 Come on.

00:36:13.000 I think that's funny.

00:36:14.000 I would not think it's funny if it was a man doing it to a woman.

00:36:16.000 Right.

00:36:17.000 Because I would worry the woman's gonna really get hurt. 1.00

00:36:19.000 I wasn't worried about him getting hurt there.

00:36:20.000 Right.

00:36:21.000 I mean, she wasn't even strong enough to hurt him.

00:36:23.000 You never know, man.

00:36:23.000 He was only 17, and she was a grown adult.

00:36:26.000 He was selfie-ing himself the whole time. 0.99

00:36:28.000 She could probably have raped him if she wanted to. 1.00

00:36:29.000 No, I think that kid is smart that he didn't fight back. 0.99

00:36:33.000 He's very smart that all he did was defend himself.

00:36:35.000 Very smart.

00:36:36.000 He's a smart kid, obviously.

00:36:38.000 You can't just go around doing that. 0.89

00:36:40.000 Like, yeah, you probably shouldn't fucking fly your drone into people's houses and film them.

00:36:45.000 You shouldn't hover over their backyard where they're trying to suntan and film them. 0.94

00:36:48.000 I don't know what he was doing.

00:36:49.000 It's a weird thing, this idea that you could put a camera on top of a little robot and fly it around.

00:36:56.000 Because when we were filming that sci-fi show, we had some dudes that were really good at it.

00:37:01.000 They had these high-tech drones, and we were fucking around with them and putting on these goggles.

00:37:05.000 And the virtual reality goggles, you put them on and you feel like you're flying like this drone. 0.63

00:37:09.000 You're going over the treetops.

00:37:10.000 And I was like, this is going to get real weird.

00:37:13.000 Because this isn't super expensive stuff.

00:37:15.000 Like you're looking at this, this is like, I mean, a couple thousand bucks or something like that to get a rig like this.

00:37:20.000 I don't know how many thousand, I'm just guessing, but it didn't look to be like prohibitively expensive.

00:37:24.000 It's not like something that costs 50 grand or something like that.

00:37:27.000 I think you could get it for the price of like some toys that people save up and buy. 0.96

00:37:32.000 There's a lot of people that can have a fucking flying robot that films everything. 0.97

00:37:36.000 No, they have it at Fry's for like $30. 0.99

00:37:38.000 $30?

00:37:39.000 They're really cheap.

00:37:40.000 You know technology's crazy when that's in the checkout area on your way out.

00:37:46.000 They'll grab a drone.

00:37:47.000 I don't think it's the same level of sophistication that these guys had.

00:37:50.000 These guys had, like I said, virtual reality cameras attached to them, and they're pretty sophisticated.

00:37:56.000 But they have a real problem with how long they can stay up in the air.

00:38:15.000 It's a trip, dude.

00:38:22.000 It's a freaky feeling.

00:38:23.000 You're like, wow, this is nuts.

00:38:25.000 This is what it's like to be an eagle, you know? 1.00

00:38:27.000 If they can get that shit really, really good, it's going to be nuts. 0.99

00:38:31.000 If they can develop some super clear, like, get something that wraps around your head, right, like this, like your entire field of vision out like this is all this, you know, this screen, and then figure out some way to film something and not have it make any noise so you don't hear, 0.99

00:38:49.000 like, Somehow or another, they can make something that doesn't make noise.

00:38:55.000 Yeah, these drones, there's a really cool music video, or not music video, but just video of a guy doing a drone over Los Angeles, and he goes on top of the Capitol Records building.

00:39:03.000 You can see the roof and stuff like that.

00:39:05.000 He goes over the Hollywood Hills parties, that house that's above the comedy store, and there's people having a party up there, and he's just going right over it.

00:39:12.000 People with beach balls.

00:39:13.000 Look, there's Jim Henson's studios.

00:39:15.000 He just flew over.

00:39:16.000 Yeah, see, that's kind of weird.

00:39:18.000 That's kind of weird. 0.96

00:39:19.000 Especially, like, say, if you have, like, an ex-boyfriend or an ex-girlfriend, they decide to fucking fly a drone around your house and film you while you're fucking the next person. 0.98

00:39:27.000 You know? 0.99

00:39:28.000 Yeah.

00:39:29.000 Get mad at you. 1.00

00:39:30.000 You fucking piece of shit! 1.00

00:39:31.000 You didn't even wait a month! 1.00

00:39:33.000 You didn't even wait a month?

00:39:35.000 We were almost married? 1.00

00:39:36.000 You've got that whore in your bed? 1.00

00:39:38.000 I wasn't expecting you to be watching me with your drone. 1.00

00:39:42.000 My drone just introduced me to the truth. 1.00

00:39:45.000 You're a piece of shit. 1.00

00:39:47.000 You're fucking deflecting. 1.00

00:39:49.000 When I bought you that drone, I didn't think you were going to be spying on me. 0.99

00:39:52.000 I thought you'd trust me, like the arguments of the future.

00:39:58.000 Do you think this has to be used by like perverts and paparazzis nowadays, like just going up in hotels with little cameras and drones and stuff?

00:40:06.000 Because look at this.

00:40:07.000 This is like HD. Look at this party that's on top of this hotel.

00:40:10.000 Look, these people are just having a party on this hotel.

00:40:13.000 That's incredible.

00:40:14.000 And as drones flying over, people start noticing the drones start throwing beach balls at it and stuff.

00:40:19.000 They made it in certain places where it's legal to shoot them.

00:40:21.000 In Colorado, there was a town in Colorado that passed some sort of a resolution that allowed you to shoot at drones.

00:40:28.000 Wow.

00:40:29.000 That's so funny.

00:40:30.000 It's going to be like a video game.

00:40:31.000 We're going to be shooting drones every day.

00:40:33.000 I know.

00:40:34.000 Oh, here's a comedy story.

00:40:35.000 Look, going above the comedy story.

00:40:37.000 They've been there.

00:40:38.000 Yeah, on top of the...

00:40:42.000 This Colorado town, apparently they're just considering it.

00:40:46.000 They haven't done it totally as of March 31st.

00:40:49.000 But it's Deer Trail, Colorado.

00:40:52.000 And there's 563 people in the town that are worried about drones.

00:40:58.000 You should be worried about getting up to 600 people. 1.00

00:41:00.000 Your fucking town is tiny as shit. 1.00

00:41:03.000 Your town isn't even a small theater. 1.00

00:41:05.000 That's ridiculous. 0.98

00:41:06.000 How do you guys have your own laws? 1.00

00:41:07.000 That seems preposterous.

00:41:09.000 That a town that little, like you're driving through and the law changes and then you go to the other side and the law's different. 1.00

00:41:13.000 Get the fuck out of here. 0.99

00:41:15.000 The law's different and you got 563 people. 1.00

00:41:17.000 That's a cult.

00:41:19.000 That's a cult.

00:41:20.000 You got a cult. 1.00

00:41:21.000 You do not have a town, you fucking weirdos. 1.00

00:41:23.000 They probably just made it legal for witches to even exist. 1.00

00:41:27.000 Alright, we'll allow witchcraft for now. 0.99

00:41:30.000 But those drones are the devil. 0.99

00:41:33.000 Robot witches. 0.98

00:41:34.000 You can't have robot witches. 0.99

00:41:36.000 Get those flying robot witches out of here on their flying robot broomstick. 1.00

00:41:41.000 Well, there's these two towns in Colorado.

00:41:43.000 One is Greeley, and one is right next to it.

00:41:46.000 God, I can't remember the name of the one next to it. 0.99

00:41:49.000 Deer Valley or some shit. 0.98

00:41:50.000 Whatever it is, the one next to it embraced weed, like in a big way, where they just got fucking dispensaries opening up everywhere and giant warehouses. 0.99

00:41:59.000 And right next to it is Greeley, Colorado, and they had this CNBC show. 0.60

00:42:03.000 And it was hilarious because they had this guy who's like the sheriff of Greeley who wouldn't allow it.

00:42:07.000 And he was like, you know, I'm telling you, there's been a lot of things associated with marijuana now.

00:42:12.000 Like we're noticing long term psychiatric issues that are happening.

00:42:17.000 And you listen to this guy talking. 1.00

00:42:18.000 He's like some old fucking cowboy. 1.00

00:42:21.000 Right. 1.00

00:42:21.000 Some crazy old cowboy who doesn't realize the war is over. 1.00

00:42:24.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:42:26.000 The guy's like standing.

00:42:27.000 Well, you know, no psychiatric issues. 1.00

00:42:30.000 What about booze, you fuck? 1.00

00:42:32.000 What about cigarettes and the beatings you took in the boxing gym? 1.00

00:42:35.000 Should all that be illegal? 1.00

00:42:36.000 You fucking crazy asshole. 1.00

00:42:38.000 Look at these people. 1.00

00:42:39.000 They're having a blast right next door.

00:42:41.000 Go over to that place.

00:42:43.000 Go check out what they're doing. 0.99

00:42:44.000 They're fucking dancing in the street and hugging each other. 1.00

00:42:46.000 Everybody's high as fuck. 1.00

00:42:47.000 They're making millions. 1.00

00:42:49.000 They're making millions. 1.00

00:42:51.000 And you're like, there's no psychological issues due to fucking playing cards. 1.00

00:42:59.000 Okay? 1.00

00:43:00.000 People are nuts. 0.98

00:43:01.000 We're not perfect. 1.00

00:43:02.000 The idea that weed is what's fucking sending these psychological issues people over the top. 0.97

00:43:08.000 How dare you? 0.98

00:43:09.000 How dare you make that association?

00:43:12.000 Especially since, you know, stress is such a huge factor of psychological...

00:43:16.000 It has to be the number one cause of psychological issues, stress.

00:43:21.000 Not to mention physical.

00:43:22.000 People don't really realize the reason why hearts give out is because of stress.

00:43:26.000 That's all the years of stress.

00:43:28.000 I mean, yeah, you get old, but it's still stress.

00:43:29.000 Stress on the heart, and stress is stress.

00:43:32.000 So it's so funny that that's a stance like marijuana...

00:43:37.000 Well, the problem, Tony Hinchcliffe, with your kind of thinking is we have data to back up our assertions.

00:43:42.000 It shows a clear change in the human brain.

00:43:45.000 We hear it in Greenlee. 1.00

00:43:47.000 The area that accepts bullshit shrinks. 1.00

00:43:50.000 Okay? 1.00

00:43:51.000 We need that plump and fat. 1.00

00:43:52.000 That area is not like fog wall.

00:43:55.000 We need it like a filled sponge.

00:43:57.000 We need that. 1.00

00:43:58.000 The area that allows bullshit. 0.99

00:44:00.000 And the marijuana is shrinking. 1.00

00:44:02.000 This area that allows you to tolerate bullshit. 0.99

00:44:05.000 And I don't like it. 1.00

00:44:06.000 I do not like it. 1.00

00:44:07.000 We need people out there that can suck in our bullshit. 1.00

00:44:11.000 It's like a bullshit liver. 1.00

00:44:13.000 That's what it is. 1.00

00:44:14.000 You have a bullshit liver. 1.00

00:44:15.000 You have a liver for booze. 1.00

00:44:17.000 You also have a bullshit liver in your brain. 1.00

00:44:18.000 And marijuana apparently makes that thing shrink. 1.00

00:44:20.000 That's what I heard.

00:44:21.000 Wow.

00:44:23.000 They try everything.

00:44:24.000 They try everything to scare marijuana smokers.

00:44:27.000 Why?

00:44:28.000 Why is that? 1.00

00:44:28.000 They should just smoke weed and get their dick sucked. 1.00

00:44:30.000 They would change the way they feel about all this. 1.00

00:44:33.000 They'd be like, I can't believe blowjobs feel so good. 1.00

00:44:40.000 It's from someone who loves you, who tickles your balls when you come in their mouth. 1.00

00:44:44.000 Hey, while you're high, Jesus, Louisa's. 0.99

00:44:47.000 Okay, they don't know about that?

00:44:48.000 Do they know about that?

00:44:49.000 Because if they do, you know, I would imagine if you're a girl... 0.89

00:44:52.000 There's no way the sheriff of Greenlee knows about that. 1.00

00:44:54.000 If you're a girl and you smoke a couple hits of weed and then get your pussy licked, that's gotta feel so good. 1.00

00:44:59.000 Could you imagine? 1.00

00:45:00.000 Like a shower feels good when you're high.

00:45:02.000 Can you imagine how good it feels for a girl? 1.00

00:45:04.000 Do you like your ass licked? 1.00

00:45:05.000 Do I like my ass licked? 1.00

00:45:06.000 Listen, you and I are never gonna have this conversation. 1.00

00:45:10.000 This is enough right now.

00:45:12.000 It ends here.

00:45:14.000 It ends here with you.

00:45:17.000 I'm not opening those doors.

00:45:20.000 Jesus.

00:45:21.000 What kind of a man asks another man? 1.00

00:45:24.000 This is like a fill-out form for a fucking gangbang video. 1.00

00:45:27.000 Okay, now, do you like it in your ass length? 0.99

00:45:29.000 Because if yes, check the box to the right. 0.98

00:45:32.000 That should never come up. 0.99

00:45:33.000 You should go from your cradle to the grave without anybody ever asking you, do you like it in your ass length? 0.99

00:45:37.000 Right. 0.96

00:45:38.000 Or maybe that should be a fun thing about a funeral, is you have to write the answer, yes or no, like on a piece of paper, and then have it in your hand like when you're dead, like in the open casket, and everybody checks.

00:45:50.000 I secretly loved it.

00:45:51.000 Did you check his note?

00:45:53.000 Yeah, it was a yes with two exclamation points.

00:45:55.000 He really liked it. 1.00

00:45:58.000 See, the problem with the question, like, do you like your ass licked, is that's not how anybody ever asks it if they're gonna lick your ass. 1.00

00:46:05.000 Right. 1.00

00:46:05.000 They don't go, do you like to get your ass licked? 1.00

00:46:07.000 They don't say that. 1.00

00:46:08.000 They would say, do you want me to lick your ass, huh? 1.00

00:46:09.000 You do, huh? 1.00

00:46:10.000 They would have a lot of huh's in there, like, do you want me to lick your ass, huh? 1.00

00:46:14.000 You do, huh? 1.00

00:46:14.000 Like, they're already affirming it, because it's a risky thing to say. 1.00

00:46:17.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:46:18.000 Like, do you want me to lick your ass, huh? 1.00

00:46:20.000 Let me try it again, Jeff. 1.00

00:46:21.000 There's an affirmation in it.

00:46:24.000 You know?

00:46:25.000 It's like you want that person to have an easy time saying yes. 1.00

00:46:28.000 You want me to lick your ass? 1.00

00:46:32.000 And you go, well, that would be cool. 1.00

00:46:33.000 You fucking sick fuck! 1.00

00:46:35.000 Fuck you! 1.00

00:46:36.000 I tricked you! 1.00

00:46:37.000 Asshole! 1.00

00:46:38.000 Right, the bedroom opens up, the camera crew comes in. 0.99

00:46:41.000 You've been on the new show. 1.00

00:46:43.000 Do you want your ass licked? 1.00

00:46:44.000 And then it becomes like a big court case where they try to figure out what huh means when you add huh to it. 1.00

00:46:50.000 And the lawyer tries to defend it.

00:46:52.000 Clearly, if she used the word huh, she was trying to get a positive affirmation out of him.

00:46:58.000 She was manipulating his emotional responses, the natural responses of a person.

00:47:04.000 He was doing it to be polite. 1.00

00:47:05.000 He didn't really want his ass licked. 1.00

00:47:08.000 He didn't want her to feel bad. 1.00

00:47:09.000 She said huh already.

00:47:11.000 He's like, yeah, okay.

00:47:12.000 What?

00:47:13.000 As it was happening, he was realizing he had made a mistake.

00:47:16.000 Yeah.

00:47:16.000 You know?

00:47:17.000 It'd be like joining an army that thinks they're going to go out and fight Bigfoot. 0.99

00:47:20.000 Like, you got all your fucking gear and you're ready to go to the mountains. 1.00

00:47:22.000 Like, we are the Sasquatch! 1.00

00:47:25.000 And then he'd be like, oh, what have I done?

00:47:26.000 What have I done?

00:47:27.000 I can't believe I'm going to go.

00:47:28.000 There's an army of people.

00:47:30.000 I've joined. 1.00

00:47:30.000 Fuck, I made a mistake. 1.00

00:47:31.000 Shit! 1.00

00:47:32.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:47:33.000 But you can't pull out of it.

00:47:35.000 That's what it's got to be like.

00:47:37.000 It's crazy.

00:47:42.000 Poor guy.

00:47:43.000 Greeley, Colorado. 1.00

00:47:44.000 You poor bastard. 1.00

00:47:45.000 Right next door. 1.00

00:47:46.000 I forget what the other city's name is.

00:47:48.000 Is that the same place that shoots down the drones?

00:47:50.000 Or is that a different city?

00:47:52.000 No, different place.

00:47:52.000 But the other place, the name...

00:47:54.000 Those people were so high that I forgot their name.

00:47:57.000 That's how high they were.

00:47:58.000 The mayor of the town was joking around about it.

00:48:01.000 They had the mayor of the town in this interview joking around about how this town's always been like that.

00:48:05.000 Like Greeley was a drive town back in the day.

00:48:07.000 You couldn't get booze.

00:48:08.000 We don't want no booze because what we see when we have booze is less attendance in the church. 0.99

00:48:14.000 That's a bunch of crazy people. 0.96

00:48:15.000 That's what that is. 1.00

00:48:16.000 A lot of hooting and hollering.

00:48:17.000 The reason why they're afraid of booze and pot if they're that afraid of it is because they're afraid what they'll do if they have a drink or a smoke.

00:48:24.000 They're afraid that inner monster, whatever their Well, no, no, no, Tony Hinchcliffe.

00:48:31.000 I'm worried about your inner monster because my inner monster is safe under the guidance of the Lord.

00:48:36.000 See, you're a heathen out there running around with your own ideas and I got children. 0.91

00:48:40.000 Okay, Tony Hinchcliffe?

00:48:41.000 Well, Sheriff, I have bad news for you.

00:48:42.000 You're going and praying to an imaginary creature once or twice a week. 1.00

00:48:45.000 Hey, you fucking communist lesbian asshole. 1.00

00:48:50.000 Listen, you can't say that. 1.00

00:48:52.000 It's imaginary. 1.00

00:48:53.000 You don't know, you son of a bitch. 1.00

00:48:55.000 I go to church. 1.00

00:48:56.000 I feel the Holy Spirit inside me all the time.

00:48:59.000 I move to tongues.

00:49:00.000 You ever move to tongues, Tony Hinchcliffe?

00:49:02.000 But then your priest, he drinks wine.

00:49:04.000 I mean, Jesus turned water into wine, but you don't want anybody to drink?

00:49:06.000 I am not a Catholic, sir.

00:49:07.000 I'm a Baptist. 1.00

00:49:08.000 Baptists, we don't fuck around with wine. 1.00

00:49:10.000 You can't have wine in the church. 1.00

00:49:12.000 Is that true they don't drink wine?

00:49:14.000 I don't believe so.

00:49:15.000 I think the wine is a Catholic thing.

00:49:17.000 Let's find out.

00:49:18.000 This is a Google day.

00:49:19.000 Do Baptists use wine?

00:49:21.000 Hmm.

00:49:21.000 I know the Catholics love wine.

00:49:23.000 They try any excuse.

00:49:25.000 Like, hey, can we get the...

00:49:26.000 Well, you know what's really funny?

00:49:29.000 Mormons are not supposed to drink coffee.

00:49:31.000 Oof.

00:49:32.000 But they can drink those energy drinks. 0.99

00:49:34.000 I saw a dude who was a Mormon who used to pound those fucking giant monster energy drinks, and the dude would have panic attacks all the time. 1.00

00:49:42.000 He was just jacked to the teeth all day, just... 0.99

00:49:46.000 Just redlining it all day.

00:49:50.000 What is this feeling that this gives me?

00:49:53.000 He has no idea because never having coffee can relate to it.

00:49:56.000 He wouldn't drink the coffee, but yet he's pounding these drinks.

00:49:59.000 Like, is it an evil being?

00:50:01.000 Right.

00:50:01.000 There is an evil being out there, and it's corrupting the souls of our mortal youth.

00:50:07.000 Red Bull gives me wings just like the angels of Mormon.

00:50:10.000 Exactly, exactly.

00:50:11.000 Of the Mormon religion. 0.96

00:50:12.000 I drink a monster energy drink to be a monster against Satan's urges. 1.00

00:50:16.000 I monstrously attack you, Satan. 0.99

00:50:19.000 There's nothing funnier than Mormonism. 0.99

00:50:21.000 Oh, there is.

00:50:22.000 You know that they think that when you die, you get your own planet.

00:50:25.000 You know that, right?

00:50:26.000 How do you know you don't, Tony Hinchcliffe?

00:50:28.000 Okay, why so judgmental, Tony Hinchcliffe?

00:50:31.000 And that everybody lives on their own different planet.

00:50:33.000 That'd be dope. 0.98

00:50:34.000 Well, yeah, it'd be dope, but that's how you know it's a made-up story.

00:50:38.000 It's only dope if we can visit each other.

00:50:42.000 It would suck if you were on the moon and I was on Mars, but I couldn't get to you.

00:50:45.000 I'd be like, Tony, where are you?

00:50:47.000 But I'm sure in this world, traveling is just so fast.

00:50:51.000 Yeah, it's probably pretty quick.

00:50:53.000 If you can get to a place where you have your own planet, I would assume you just be wherever you want, whenever you want to be there.

00:50:58.000 It'll be instantaneous.

00:50:59.000 Right.

00:51:00.000 That'll happen.

00:51:01.000 One day we'll figure that out.

00:51:02.000 We'll figure out how to transport ourselves.

00:51:04.000 Okay.

00:51:05.000 I think if human beings live for another million years, if we live to an...

00:51:09.000 I mean, we're supposedly like this close to like this frame that we're in right now, the homo sapien, the way we look, is supposedly pretty similar to what a million years ago looked like.

00:51:23.000 Like a million years ago, there was some ape-like man that kind of stood up, but fairly similar.

00:51:28.000 And then maybe in this form, a few hundred thousand years, three or four hundred thousand years, there's a lot of guesswork involved in figuring it out.

00:51:35.000 But if we could keep going, another million.

00:51:38.000 We would be hairless, for sure.

00:51:40.000 We'd lose our hair.

00:51:41.000 We would probably be really slight and very Tony Hinchcliffe-like, like a dancer's physique, an alien dancer.

00:51:48.000 And our heads would grow. 0.99

00:51:49.000 We would look like fucking aliens. 1.00

00:51:51.000 And then, when we hit that point... 0.99

00:51:53.000 If we continue, if we don't blow each other up, if we continue and we don't get hit by an asteroid, we continue to improve our ability to do things, it'll be nuts.

00:52:02.000 A million years from now, you probably will be able to transport or teleport anywhere you want, anywhere in the world.

00:52:08.000 I'll one-up you.

00:52:09.000 I'll bet 100,000 years.

00:52:11.000 Jesus Christ, Tony Hinchcliffe!

00:52:13.000 At this rate that we're growing with technology, I think we're even closer.

00:52:18.000 I would almost say 10,000 years. 0.97

00:52:21.000 If you think about 10,000 years ago, that sounds really dumb.

00:52:26.000 10,000 years ago doesn't seem like that long ago, but that's a really long time. 0.97

00:52:30.000 10,000 years ago, we find these stone buildings that they made, a bunch of really cool shit that they left behind. 0.93

00:52:38.000 But, not much else. 0.80

00:52:40.000 Yeah, 10,000 years ago, I don't even think people are on boats.

00:52:42.000 They didn't even figure that out yet, right?

00:52:43.000 No, they did. 0.99

00:52:44.000 They're finding out that people figured out a lot of shit a lot earlier than we thought. 0.98

00:52:48.000 In fact, 40,000 years ago, they were fishing for tuna in boats. 0.97

00:52:54.000 I'm pretty sure that was the number that they came up with because they found these deep sea rigs where they use these long lines and these big hooks and they were catching tuna.

00:53:03.000 They found tuna DNA, which is really crazy.

00:53:06.000 Tuna are deep water fish. 1.00

00:53:08.000 So these fuckers, let me find out what year it was. 0.99

00:53:10.000 They figured out, let me see, Google there, ancient people fish for tuna. 1.00

00:53:15.000 Are you sitting on a yoga ball now?

00:53:17.000 No.

00:53:19.000 What is that chair?

00:53:19.000 That's interesting.

00:53:21.000 You're like, fuck back support. 1.00

00:53:23.000 Who needs it? 1.00

00:53:23.000 No, this is the best back support. 1.00

00:53:27.000 For me, at least.

00:53:28.000 It forces you to sit straight.

00:53:30.000 See how I'm sitting?

00:53:31.000 This is how you're supposed to sit.

00:53:33.000 You're supposed to sit like this.

00:53:34.000 Your head's not supposed to be forward.

00:53:36.000 And when you, most times you sit in a chair, you wind up slumping, sitting like that.

00:53:40.000 And then it makes your back really tight. 0.85

00:53:42.000 Since I've been using this, my back never fucks with me when we do podcasts.

00:53:46.000 That's awesome. 0.95

00:53:47.000 Yeah, you just, you sit on it and your knees are in it.

00:53:50.000 I don't know what they're called, like a knee chair or something like that.

00:53:54.000 But you're carrying your own weight, and then once you do it for a while, if you get used to it, then you start doing it everywhere.

00:54:00.000 I do it on planes.

00:54:02.000 You should sit up straight all the time.

00:54:05.000 And when you don't, when you have bad posture, I used to think that people said, oh, you should watch your posture, because they didn't want you looking lazy.

00:54:12.000 But it's actually not good for your discs. 0.99

00:54:14.000 Like, your shit gets compressed. 0.99

00:54:15.000 That's why when dudes have a fat wallet, they say never keep a fat wallet in your back pocket. 1.00

00:54:20.000 If you're one of those guys that keeps every goddamn business card that you ever get, what was that? 1.00

00:54:24.000 Fucking Toys R Us. 1.00

00:54:26.000 $10. 1.00

00:54:27.000 Oh, fool. 1.00

00:54:28.000 You get these big, fat, crazy, thick wallets. 1.00

00:54:30.000 If you sit on that shit all the time, you can get disc problems. 1.00

00:54:33.000 Like, a lot of cab drivers get sciatic nerve problems. 0.99

00:54:35.000 Because they get a pinched disc because your body's just got an uneven distribution of weight.

00:54:41.000 And that's what it is kind of when you're slumped or you're sitting weird.

00:54:44.000 You know, it's an uneven distribution of weight.

00:54:45.000 I have that 100%.

00:54:46.000 Anytime I go on a road trip now, after like two hours, my right side starts getting numb and I start, I mean, I start having like little...

00:54:53.000 Do you sit on your wallet?

00:54:54.000 No, I don't, but it's like how I sit, and also, I'm a sluncher, I'm a turtle.

00:54:59.000 Yeah, you shouldn't do that, man.

00:55:00.000 I used to think that it was just that, like, slouching.

00:55:03.000 I had a real problem with slouching.

00:55:05.000 I slouch all the time.

00:55:06.000 And I just, I think, I thought it was just, like, the way it looks is not good.

00:55:11.000 Like, people don't like the way it looks. 1.00

00:55:12.000 So my attitude was, fuck, man, that's so stupid. 0.99

00:55:15.000 But it's just not, you're When your back is straight like this, like this is the way you're supposed to stand, your spinal column, your core, is carrying your weight very evenly. 1.00

00:55:25.000 It's all stacked up.

00:55:27.000 But when your head goes forward and you sort of relax, you put a great deal of pressure on other parts.

00:55:35.000 There's like a peak area of your spine that has additional pressure.

00:55:39.000 And it seems like nothing.

00:55:40.000 And it is nothing for a long time.

00:55:42.000 And then it becomes something.

00:55:44.000 And if you sit, like, I used to get real bad back and neck pains from writing, and I think I might have fucked myself up doing that as much as I fucked myself up from doing jiu-jitsu. 0.66

00:55:52.000 Because I would write for a long period of time, and I would sit in a chair like this with my head forward, and then when I was all done, I'd be like, ugh, my neck would be fucking killing me. 0.98

00:56:02.000 I just don't like sitting like this because I feel like I'm posing like a woman and I'm pointing my butt and boobs out. 0.99

00:56:09.000 I feel like I have to look back at it like I hate it or something.

00:56:11.000 So you're afraid of the way it looks.

00:56:12.000 You'd rather just have a backache.

00:56:14.000 Right.

00:56:14.000 You know, a backache is just easier to deal with.

00:56:17.000 No, but seriously, it does look really silly for me to sit like, hey, because my butt's sticking out and my boobs are sticking out. 0.76

00:56:23.000 You need to reduce both of those things. 0.85

00:56:25.000 They won't stick out as much.

00:56:26.000 That would help tremendously.

00:56:28.000 And, uh...

00:56:30.000 Believe me.

00:56:31.000 Right.

00:56:35.000 That's Brian Redman logic.

00:56:37.000 Totally. 0.99

00:56:39.000 I don't want to lose my boobs and my butt. 0.99

00:56:42.000 I've been working on this. 0.97

00:56:44.000 He lost a lot of weight and got real slim.

00:56:46.000 He's like, it makes my head look too big. 1.00

00:56:47.000 Fuck this. 1.00

00:56:48.000 He looks like a freak. 1.00

00:56:51.000 He spent all this work to get down to 160-something pounds.

00:56:55.000 He was super skinny. 0.99

00:56:56.000 Yeah, I have a picture of me and you together and I look like a fucking Lego boy. 0.99

00:57:00.000 You don't look like a Lego boy, dude. 0.98

00:57:02.000 You just, you look healthy.

00:57:05.000 I look like I had AIDS, remember?

00:57:07.000 Everyone called me AIDS face.

00:57:09.000 Well, it's because you did it so quick.

00:57:11.000 You did it, not everyone.

00:57:12.000 You're at the post office.

00:57:14.000 I can drop off some packages. 0.98

00:57:16.000 Okay, AIDS face. 0.99

00:57:18.000 Aren't you AIDS face? 0.98

00:57:20.000 Yeah, Starbucks, you know, venti, mocha latte, AIDS face. 0.99

00:57:25.000 AIDS face, okay. 0.92

00:57:26.000 They write it on your cup. 0.96

00:57:28.000 It didn't look like you had AIDS, dude.

00:57:30.000 What it looked like to me was a guy who lost weight.

00:57:32.000 He looked healthy.

00:57:33.000 That's when we met Seth Rogen.

00:57:35.000 That's right.

00:57:36.000 Yeah, we did the High Times Music Awards.

00:57:38.000 What is it?

00:57:39.000 High Times Awards?

00:57:40.000 High Times Awards.

00:57:40.000 I presented him with Stoner of the Year.

00:57:42.000 And there was Jack Harar.

00:57:44.000 Yeah, Jack Harar.

00:57:45.000 He was alive back then. 0.99

00:57:46.000 Those things are interesting, those fucking High Times Awards. 0.98

00:57:49.000 You meet all the fellow stoners. 0.98

00:57:51.000 Maybe the nicest people on the planet.

00:57:53.000 Like celebrity stoners, like Be Real.

00:57:55.000 Is there a nicer person in Be Real?

00:57:57.000 That guy's one of the nicest people on the planet.

00:57:59.000 All those celebrity stoners, they're all super cool.

00:58:02.000 Doug Benson, sweetheart.

00:58:04.000 All the celebrity stoners are just super nice people.

00:58:08.000 Why anybody would want to stop a drug like that?

00:58:10.000 Well, you know, I'll tell you the problem with that.

00:58:14.000 Well, you're not taken into account as a lack of ambition.

00:58:17.000 These stoners, they take up, you know, a lot of room, and they don't do anything.

00:58:22.000 They don't earn their keep.

00:58:24.000 But Sheriff, what about all the artists and the musicians that have come from a pot that smoke pot?

00:58:30.000 You mean queers like Steve Jobs? 1.00

00:58:32.000 Is that what you're trying to say?

00:58:33.000 Yeah, Jesus took him from us.

00:58:36.000 Let me tell you something.

00:58:37.000 Jesus is not impressed. 0.88

00:58:38.000 You don't look like AIDS face there, fella. 0.99

00:58:40.000 You look good.

00:58:41.000 It looked like a...

00:58:42.000 No.

00:58:43.000 You're just not used to it.

00:58:44.000 Because you're used to this backup.

00:58:46.000 You're used to all this support.

00:58:47.000 You got your head, then you got some backup.

00:58:49.000 When your body shrinks up, you felt like you didn't have any backup.

00:58:52.000 Your head just didn't seem like it was...

00:58:54.000 Aw, Brian, look at you.

00:58:56.000 Dude, you don't look bad there at all.

00:58:58.000 You look great. 1.00

00:58:59.000 You want to have some fat sex? 1.00

00:59:00.000 You know, I've told you before. 1.00

00:59:02.000 Why does everything that's skinny with you mean gay? 0.94

00:59:05.000 That's so weird. 0.75

00:59:06.000 No, I just...

00:59:06.000 Because he's got issues.

00:59:07.000 No, I just look like I had AIDS. You don't look like you have AIDS. Right, HIV. You don't even look like you have HIV. You look like you have diarrhea. 0.78

00:59:14.000 Maybe. 0.94

00:59:15.000 Like a little bit.

00:59:16.000 Like you got that face like...

00:59:18.000 It's adorable, Brian.

00:59:19.000 Look, dude, come on, look at that picture.

00:59:20.000 You don't look bad at all.

00:59:21.000 That's the dude from Weeds.

00:59:22.000 But look at your face.

00:59:23.000 You do not look bad at all.

00:59:25.000 I can't watch Weeds. 0.99

00:59:26.000 I watched one episode, and who the fuck was on it? 0.99

00:59:31.000 One of our friends was on it. 0.99

00:59:33.000 Who was on it?

00:59:35.000 Kevin Nealon?

00:59:35.000 No, it's Brett Ernst.

00:59:37.000 Brett Ernst was on it.

00:59:38.000 Yes, right?

00:59:39.000 What did he play, like a drug dealer?

00:59:40.000 He played drug dealer in the third season.

00:59:41.000 Yeah, I watched it because Brett was on it.

00:59:43.000 That's it.

00:59:43.000 I watched it one other time, and I was like, this is fake.

00:59:47.000 This is not real.

00:59:48.000 I'm not buying this.

00:59:49.000 You know what's fake?

00:59:50.000 Is that Catfish show.

00:59:51.000 I heard so many people say how awesome that show is.

00:59:53.000 I finally watch it.

00:59:54.000 The fakest show I've ever seen.

00:59:56.000 Duh! 1.00

00:59:57.000 I didn't know it was fake.

00:59:58.000 Duh! 1.00

00:59:59.000 You know, I heard on reality TV, sometimes they like plan that shit out. 0.99

01:00:03.000 Like it's not really reality. 0.99

01:00:04.000 Did you hear that, Tony?

01:00:05.000 Well, it almost seems like it would benefit them with so much money, spending money on a production.

01:00:10.000 Oh, wait a minute, conspiracy theorist.

01:00:12.000 So you think that what they would do just to make money, they would be willing to fake it and risk their reputations?

01:00:20.000 That's a reality show.

01:00:21.000 When I tune into a reality show, I want reality.

01:00:23.000 You know that, and I know that.

01:00:25.000 Right.

01:00:25.000 That's a weird one to fake, though.

01:00:27.000 It's the best one to fake.

01:00:30.000 Why wouldn't you fake that one?

01:00:32.000 You figure out how easy it is, what they're doing, people just looking at a camera like, I thought for sure that he was the man that I thought. 0.96

01:00:42.000 Dude, people will do whatever the fuck you ask them to do if you have a camera in front of you. 0.91

01:00:45.000 There's a certain amount of people that will do it. 0.99

01:00:47.000 So if you have some sort of reality show, and you just manipulate these people and say, hey...

01:00:53.000 This is what you're going to do.

01:00:54.000 You're going to tell us that you've been texting this guy and pretending to be a girl, and then you're going to meet him here and say, I busted you, dude, and now I know what's up.

01:01:04.000 And the guy's like, okay, okay, okay.

01:01:05.000 How long have I known him?

01:01:06.000 You've been friends for 20 years.

01:01:08.000 Okay, okay, okay.

01:01:08.000 We've been friends for 20 years, man.

01:01:10.000 And they'll say shit like that. 0.99

01:01:11.000 Man, we've been friends for 20 years. 1.00

01:01:13.000 I thought I trusted you. 1.00

01:01:15.000 Of course they're going to fake that shit. 1.00

01:01:16.000 It's like all that Maury Povich and stuff. 1.00

01:01:18.000 That shows still when I'm on the road and I'm flipping through channels, I'll stop for a few minutes and I'll watch Maury.

01:01:25.000 I'll watch the results because no matter what...

01:01:28.000 No matter what happens, one of them's going to get up and go, Oh, I told you.

01:01:32.000 I told you that that was or wasn't my baby.

01:01:35.000 Like, whichever one.

01:01:36.000 One of them's going to flip out because, you know, it's just so coached.

01:01:40.000 Well, one of the guys who was a doorman at, not Eastside Comedy Club, Governors.

01:01:44.000 Governors in Levittown in Long Island.

01:01:46.000 One of the doormen was a regular on those shows back in the day.

01:01:51.000 Like, this is the 1980s.

01:01:54.000 I want to say 1990, 1991, pre-internet.

01:01:57.000 And he used to get a call. 0.89

01:01:58.000 And they would say, we're looking for a man who has been having sex with his brother's wife. 0.98

01:02:03.000 And he goes, what a coincidence. 1.00

01:02:05.000 I've been having sex with my brother's wife. 0.99

01:02:06.000 What do you want me to do? 1.00

01:02:08.000 And they would literally say that to him.

01:02:11.000 See if you can help us out here.

01:02:12.000 That was the conversation they would have.

01:02:14.000 What we're trying to find is a guy who got arrested wearing women's clothes and trying to get a job in a woman's office.

01:02:20.000 And they would go, oh, what a coincidence.

01:02:22.000 You know, just...

01:02:23.000 I think?

01:02:47.000 There's a lot of those guys that, for whatever reason, people don't find out about them.

01:02:51.000 Yeah, he's one of those guys that was there the first few months when I started, and we made friends, and then I watched him basically quit.

01:02:59.000 I think he moved somewhere else, but I watched him fade out of the store. 1.00

01:03:06.000 Yeah, but anyway, he used to do that shit. 1.00

01:03:08.000 They would hire him to do... 1.00

01:03:10.000 Remember when...

01:03:12.000 What was the chick? 0.98

01:03:13.000 Jenny Jones?

01:03:14.000 Was that it?

01:03:15.000 The chick who had the show? 0.98

01:03:16.000 Remember?

01:03:16.000 And they did a thing where they humiliated this guy because there was a gay guy that he worked with that was in love with him.

01:03:24.000 And so the guy comes on and he has no idea that this gay guy loves him. 0.68

01:03:29.000 And he freaks out, he gets humiliated on the show, and then he goes and shoots the guy afterwards. 0.95

01:03:33.000 And they were like, that's a wrap for you!

01:03:36.000 And they just cease and desist the entire show.

01:03:39.000 But that show was a turning point in those things. 1.00

01:03:42.000 They realized, okay, there's some fucking repercussions to this shit. 0.99

01:03:47.000 That's when stuff started getting more produced. 1.00

01:03:50.000 They realized that At least they gotta tell the person before or something.

01:03:54.000 When they did the Jenny Jones thing, that was a real guy in a real office who was attracted to his co-worker and when that guy was on TV with them, this nutty dude who wound up shooting the guy, he was just humiliated beyond words.

01:04:08.000 But whereas if you were on there and you found out some guy at work thought you were hot, you'd be uncomfortable but you would find it hilarious.

01:04:14.000 You'd probably have an issue because dudes can get creepy.

01:04:18.000 If you were a girl and you got on a show and you found out that your co-worker loves you, that would be a real problem.

01:04:25.000 If you were a girl, say if you worked in some office, maybe you even have a boyfriend or a husband, and you got some guy who's your co-worker who not only professes his love to you but does so on national television in a surprise attack, you'd be like, oh great. 0.96

01:04:39.000 Now I gotta fucking stop working there. 0.97

01:04:41.000 Or he's gotta stop working there. 0.99

01:04:42.000 Something's gonna happen.

01:04:43.000 Yeah, it is a weird approach, especially when you factor in that that guy probably told, the gay guy probably told the guy on Jenny Jones on the air so that nothing would happen to him. 0.56

01:04:53.000 You know, he didn't tell him at the office, like, hey man, I really like you, please don't hit me.

01:04:57.000 Like, he went on the air and that backfired. 0.99

01:05:00.000 Yeah, I guess you probably thought, look, I'm gonna be on TV with the fucking... 0.99

01:05:03.000 Nothing's gonna happen to me. 1.00

01:05:04.000 Right.

01:05:04.000 I'm gonna be on television.

01:05:05.000 Yeah.

01:05:06.000 Nothing can happen to me.

01:05:07.000 It's not gonna hurt me.

01:05:08.000 No one's gonna hurt me.

01:05:09.000 I'm gonna be on television.

01:05:10.000 Yeah, and Jenny Jones' career's just gonna keep going on. 1.00

01:05:12.000 The show's gonna keep going.

01:05:13.000 Everything's gonna be fine.

01:05:14.000 Jenny Jones is a talent.

01:05:16.000 Yeah.

01:05:16.000 Okay?

01:05:16.000 You're not gonna stop her with one little scandal.

01:05:19.000 Right. 1.00

01:05:19.000 That bitch is gonna be back stronger than ever. 1.00

01:05:21.000 America demands Jenny Jones. 1.00

01:05:23.000 Yeah.

01:05:23.000 She used to have a show that she would do...

01:05:25.000 She was a comic.

01:05:26.000 Oh, wow.

01:05:27.000 I didn't know that.

01:05:28.000 Yeah.

01:05:28.000 She used to do a show back in the day.

01:05:30.000 If you go to Jenny Jones' early stuff, it's crazy.

01:05:32.000 She had this crazy bulletproof hairdo. 1.00

01:05:35.000 This big, giant, huge, sprayed-up hairdo.

01:05:38.000 And she would do these ladies-only shows. 0.99

01:05:41.000 And when I was living in Boston, there was a club.

01:05:44.000 I don't know if it was the Comedy Connection.

01:05:46.000 It was either Duck Soup or the Improv.

01:05:49.000 Because it was the upscale.

01:05:51.000 They had an upscale club.

01:05:52.000 And she would buy out every seat.

01:05:54.000 And there was no men who were allowed in the building.

01:05:56.000 The guys couldn't work the bar.

01:05:58.000 Guys couldn't work the door.

01:05:59.000 They had to have all female employees. 1.00

01:06:02.000 The whole thing would be filled with females. 1.00

01:06:04.000 And so they did it as sort of like a gimmick.

01:06:06.000 And they had these all-female shows where Jenny Jones would talk about her period. 1.00

01:06:10.000 Wow.

01:06:12.000 Or whatever, or men's stuff, or things that men want to hear. 0.99

01:06:15.000 But that's when the guy fucked with the other guy, rather, and told him that he was in love with them. 0.99

01:06:25.000 But if you go back to her stand-up, you'll see her crazy hair. 1.00

01:06:28.000 When they had her on the talk show, she kind of toned it down, and her hair became normal-sized.

01:06:34.000 But before, it was some tribal thing.

01:06:36.000 Before she was on TV. Yeah, she had some tribal peacock thing going on. 1.00

01:06:41.000 What?

01:06:42.000 Oh, yeah.

01:06:43.000 Those network heads.

01:06:44.000 Oh, we're going to put you in hair and makeup.

01:06:46.000 No, no.

01:06:46.000 Is that stand-up?

01:06:47.000 Yeah.

01:06:48.000 Look at that.

01:06:51.000 Pow! 0.91

01:06:53.000 Man.

01:06:53.000 Good lord.

01:06:55.000 She looks like David Bowie in that.

01:06:58.000 That's like rock star.

01:06:59.000 Let's hear some of it.

01:07:01.000 He's a good eye doctor, though.

01:07:04.000 Man, she's hot, actually. 1.00

01:07:06.000 Yeah.

01:07:07.000 Yeah, we missed that joke.

01:07:08.000 She looks like the top half of a centaur.

01:07:23.000 She does the way she's moving.

01:07:24.000 Because she's on those heels, she has to do a little balancing act. 1.00

01:07:35.000 Oh my god, they've got an applause break.

01:07:38.000 Stop this.

01:07:39.000 Stop this right now.

01:07:40.000 This is CGI. This is better CGI than King Kong.

01:07:46.000 That's better CGI than the Dire Wolves in Game of Thrones. 0.97

01:07:49.000 That's ridiculous. 0.93

01:07:50.000 So true. 0.98

01:07:51.000 There's nothing worse than a fake applause break, like a bad one.

01:07:55.000 Well, I mean, the Navy really loved her.

01:07:56.000 They were so happy to hear her just get out a joke.

01:07:59.000 Ugh.

01:08:00.000 You saw the movie Punchline, right?

01:08:03.000 I tried to watch it the other day and just see if there was...

01:08:05.000 There was parts in it that I remember going, that was hilarious.

01:08:09.000 In the wrong reason.

01:08:11.000 Yeah.

01:08:11.000 Well, that was before you did stand-up.

01:08:13.000 Right.

01:08:13.000 And I was also like 10 when it came out.

01:08:15.000 Yeah.

01:08:15.000 I was doing stand-up when that came out.

01:08:19.000 I was just starting to do stand-up. 0.99

01:08:20.000 And I remember watching it going, what the fuck is this? 0.99

01:08:23.000 This is crazy. 1.00

01:08:24.000 Yeah.

01:08:26.000 It's weird when you watch someone do something that you know they can't do.

01:08:30.000 Say if I did a movie, I'll never do a movie that I have to play guitar. 0.98

01:08:33.000 But if I did a movie where I played guitar in it, I would learn how to fucking play guitar. 0.94

01:08:37.000 Because if I was a guitar player and I was watching some movie about Jimi Hendrix and the guy's just like... 0.98

01:08:42.000 You know he doesn't know what he's doing.

01:08:45.000 He's just moving his fingers around. 1.00

01:08:47.000 I would be like, this is annoying as shit. 0.99

01:08:49.000 I know he can't really play guitar. 1.00

01:08:50.000 This guy's faking it.

01:08:51.000 If you're watching some fake kung fu in a movie, it ruins the movie for you. 1.00

01:08:55.000 That's why, like in Kill Bill, you ever see that?

01:08:57.000 Tarantino sent everybody in that assassination squad to Japan for like a month or two or three, some crazy amount of time.

01:09:05.000 Learn Kendo?

01:09:06.000 Learn all of it.

01:09:07.000 They learned the art of the samurai sword, they learned Kung Fu...

01:09:11.000 I mean, big time, like from the guys, from the main people, from the actual old school stuff.

01:09:18.000 Well, you know David Lee Roth does that now?

01:09:20.000 David Lee Roth lives in Japan and takes samurai lessons.

01:09:24.000 That sounds awesome.

01:09:25.000 That sounds amazing.

01:09:27.000 He moved to Japan with his dog by himself, got an apartment, and he takes kendo. 0.70

01:09:31.000 Kendo is this Japanese sword fighting art, and he practices sword fighting.

01:09:34.000 That's so cool.

01:09:36.000 Yeah, David Lee Roth is a legit maniac. 0.62

01:09:38.000 He's a wild man. 1.00

01:09:40.000 Doesn't give a fuck. 1.00

01:09:42.000 Having a great time. 0.99

01:09:43.000 Doing kendo.

01:09:44.000 Playing sword fighting.

01:09:45.000 One of the biggest rock stars the world's ever known.

01:09:47.000 And you know those Japanese people lose it if he comes into their restaurant. 0.94

01:09:54.000 Jump! 0.97

01:09:55.000 Go ahead, jump.

01:09:57.000 Panama!

01:09:58.000 Panama!

01:09:59.000 I bet not.

01:10:00.000 I bet he slinks right in, you know, because he dresses very low-key.

01:10:05.000 Like, he wears overalls all the time and, like, one of them paperboy hats.

01:10:09.000 He wears one of those things all the time.

01:10:10.000 So he's...

01:10:11.000 I bet he just slinks around.

01:10:13.000 It's got to be so beautiful over here.

01:10:15.000 Japanese culture is so smooth and relaxing and cool.

01:10:19.000 It's very different, that's for sure.

01:10:21.000 That's one of the reasons why Japan... 1.00

01:10:23.000 If you go over there, it feels like you're in another world.

01:10:27.000 It doesn't just feel like you're in another country.

01:10:28.000 It feels like you're in another world.

01:10:29.000 The way people behave...

01:10:31.000 Everybody's really polite.

01:10:32.000 It's very unusual.

01:10:33.000 They don't necessarily like white people, especially the old folks that were around during the Pearl Harbor days. 0.94

01:10:41.000 Not a big fan of white folks when it comes to that.

01:10:44.000 But the rest of them, the young kids, love Americans.

01:10:47.000 I guess most of those Pearl Harbor people are dead.

01:10:50.000 But how could you expect them to not hate on Americans?

01:10:53.000 They dropped two bombs on them.

01:10:54.000 Yeah, we did that.

01:10:57.000 That was sort of an ouchie.

01:10:59.000 That was a big ouchie. 0.99

01:11:00.000 Such a dick move. 0.99

01:11:02.000 It really is. 0.98

01:11:03.000 I mean, we are the only people in the world to really nuke another place, right?

01:11:07.000 We nuked it twice, too.

01:11:09.000 We didn't even do it once.

01:11:10.000 In the same day, right?

01:11:11.000 We wanted to make sure. 0.85

01:11:11.000 Are you sure there weren't just shitty buildings? 0.85

01:11:13.000 Let's try the other one. 0.91

01:11:14.000 Yeah.

01:11:15.000 No, I think it was the next day or something like that.

01:11:16.000 Ugh.

01:11:17.000 Oh, it was!

01:11:19.000 You know, there's one guy, because I read a thing.

01:11:21.000 Here's one that's crazy for you.

01:11:22.000 I read a thing about the guy that was in both.

01:11:25.000 He was in Hiroshima, right?

01:11:27.000 And he had to, like, go to work.

01:11:29.000 Like, he barely survived or whatever, or was on a train or something like that to Nagasaki.

01:11:34.000 So he goes from Hiroshima, he survives Hiroshima, he's in Nagasaki the next day, and then same thing happens.

01:11:42.000 Can you imagine the luck on that guy?

01:11:45.000 Oh my god.

01:11:46.000 That's crazy.

01:11:47.000 That's crazy, and just imagine that time of the year, or that time of the world, when you really could just think that this could continue.

01:11:55.000 Like, bombs could just be dropping now.

01:11:56.000 Like, one's already started, we're in the middle of a world war, and then all of a sudden, cities are getting leveled.

01:12:01.000 Like, a whole city's getting leveled.

01:12:03.000 I mean, how many people died those?

01:12:05.000 A lot.

01:12:06.000 And, you know, another thing is that the one in Hiroshima landed next to a hill. 0.81

01:12:10.000 So, like, the hill actually saved a lot of people.

01:12:14.000 Okay, the atomic bomb killed between 90,000 and 166,000 within the first two to four months.

01:12:22.000 Roughly half of the deaths in each city occurred on the first day.

01:12:25.000 During the following months, large numbers died from the effects of the burns, radiation, sickness, and other injuries compounded by illness.

01:12:32.000 In both cities, most of the dead were civilians, although Hiroshima had a sizable garrison.

01:12:38.000 Wow.

01:12:41.000 Crazy...

01:12:43.000 Oh, we got a shooter of the day.

01:12:46.000 Oh, really?

01:12:47.000 Shooting at Oregon High School to confirm dead.

01:12:49.000 Oh, man. 1.00

01:12:51.000 Fuck, that's today? 1.00

01:12:52.000 Yeah, just now. 1.00

01:12:53.000 Jesus Christ.

01:12:54.000 Oof.

01:12:55.000 What the hell is going on?

01:12:58.000 Do you think it's going to become where we all have to have guns?

01:13:01.000 We all have to carry guns?

01:13:02.000 Just like Star Wars where we all have our weapons all the time.

01:13:06.000 All of us.

01:13:06.000 It's going to be one or the other.

01:13:07.000 Either it's going to be that or it's going to be no guns, right?

01:13:10.000 August 6th was Hiroshima.

01:13:12.000 August 9th was Nagasaki.

01:13:14.000 So they waited.

01:13:16.000 And then waited a couple of days.

01:13:17.000 God, that's so scary.

01:13:19.000 Yeah.

01:13:19.000 Yeah, well, that's what the gun people are worried about.

01:13:21.000 The gun people are worried about, you know, they're just going to try to take our guns away now.

01:13:25.000 And people are not going to just give up their guns.

01:13:27.000 And they're going to vote for people that are going to be put in offense.

01:13:30.000 They're going to ensure that you don't put up their guns.

01:13:32.000 And then the problem is those people also get connected.

01:13:36.000 Like, if you have a guy, like, say there's a guy that says...

01:13:40.000 I am going to support the Second Amendment no matter what.

01:13:43.000 Every American has a right to bear arms.

01:13:46.000 Everybody goes crazy.

01:13:47.000 Yeah.

01:13:47.000 All the bear arms people are on that guy's side now.

01:13:50.000 So that guy, you can attach that guy to a bunch of other shit you might not necessarily believe in. 0.95

01:13:55.000 Like, you could attach that guy to a bunch of weird environmental shit, relaxing some of the environmental regulations that are on... 0.98

01:14:03.000 Certain areas that are a bit risky to do certain things in that might kill a bunch of fucking weird fish, but whatever, whatever, we can make a lot of money. 0.98

01:14:11.000 Those guys get attached and corrupted and attached to all those things. 0.92

01:14:15.000 Because you know that there's a sizable chunk of Americans that will vote to keep their guns.

01:14:19.000 And then there's also the people that are on the other side of it that, you know, no matter what, they're going to vote against guns.

01:14:26.000 There's no matter what.

01:14:27.000 Like, if you're, we've got to clean up these streets and take these guns out of these schools. 0.70

01:14:31.000 Yes!

01:14:32.000 There's those people.

01:14:33.000 And you've got those people.

01:14:34.000 If you are an anti-gun person, you say, we need tighter regulations.

01:14:37.000 We need tighter restrictions.

01:14:38.000 We need less guns, not more guns.

01:14:41.000 Yeah!

01:14:42.000 You have those people. 1.00

01:14:44.000 And then you can attach that to a bunch of weird shit. 1.00

01:14:46.000 Weird social shit. 1.00

01:14:48.000 Insurance company scams where everybody has to get certain amounts of insurance. 0.99

01:14:52.000 How about we have...

01:14:54.000 Everybody has to wear a seatbelt.

01:14:56.000 Because we're paying out too much money.

01:14:57.000 So they have regulations to protect you.

01:15:00.000 You have to wear a seatbelt.

01:15:01.000 Well, if I have to wear a seatbelt, how come this guy is allowed to drive a motorcycle? 0.99

01:15:06.000 Are you crazy?

01:15:07.000 He doesn't even have a cage around him. 0.91

01:15:09.000 This doesn't make any sense.

01:15:11.000 Okay...

01:15:12.000 You make them wear a helmet.

01:15:13.000 Congratulations.

01:15:14.000 You make them wear a helmet.

01:15:15.000 I think it's way safer for me in a car with no seatbelt on.

01:15:19.000 And I'm not trying to argue for no seatbelts because I always wear one.

01:15:22.000 But I think it's probably way safer to be in a car with no seatbelt than it is to be on a motorcycle when there's an accident.

01:15:28.000 Right.

01:15:29.000 And in a lot of states, they don't even have to wear a helmet.

01:15:31.000 No.

01:15:32.000 No, Colorado you don't.

01:15:33.000 You don't have to in Vegas either.

01:15:35.000 Ohio.

01:15:35.000 That's a big one.

01:15:36.000 Yeah.

01:15:37.000 I think there's a few.

01:15:39.000 There's quite a few. 1.00

01:15:40.000 And I think it's because the people that ride motorcycles, they love that feeling so much that they're like, fuck it. 1.00

01:15:46.000 I'm willing to risk my dollars. 0.99

01:15:47.000 I'd imagine that is like the wearing a condom of the motorcycle world.

01:15:51.000 It's like, once you do it without one, you're like... 1.00

01:15:54.000 Fuck that. 1.00

01:15:55.000 You're absolutely right. 0.99

01:15:56.000 But nowadays, with such great technology with Bluetooth and phones and stereos and the helmets and stuff, I think more people are actually wearing helmets because it's badass to take a phone call while it's in your helmet.

01:16:07.000 Yeah, I don't know about that, dude, because the type of dudes who don't want to wear helmets, those are like the Harley guys.

01:16:12.000 Yeah, true.

01:16:13.000 You know, where they don't want, they just want...

01:16:15.000 It's just their bandana floating in the back.

01:16:20.000 Yeah, and their woman, their woman with her arms wrapped around my waist and I'm free. 0.98

01:16:24.000 I got my red, white, and blue bandana wrapped around...

01:16:26.000 Oh, wait, is that a drone up in the air?

01:16:28.000 Yeah.

01:16:29.000 I'm a true maverick. 1.00

01:16:30.000 I'm not like those faggots out there pretending. 1.00

01:16:34.000 Okay, I'm a true maverick. 1.00

01:16:35.000 I vote Republican, and I ride a motorcycle, and my woman's got some long nails. 1.00

01:16:41.000 I scratch my back, and I feel them pulling on my leather, my vest, and my motorcycle club.

01:16:48.000 Makes me well up inside thinking about all my other brothers.

01:16:51.000 My brothers out there on their metal horses riding out into the sunset.

01:16:54.000 We're together.

01:16:54.000 We're a team.

01:16:55.000 We're a band of brothers.

01:16:57.000 I ride my bike, and I bear arms, and I got the arms of a bear, and I'm a man.

01:17:04.000 Did you ever read Hunter Thompson's thing on the motorcycle games?

01:17:09.000 Mm-mm.

01:17:10.000 His first book, the big book that sort of introduced Hunter Thompson to the world, was his take on the Hells Angels.

01:17:16.000 He was embedded in the Hells Angels.

01:17:18.000 Like, hung around with them, went with them.

01:17:20.000 And he did it for a long time.

01:17:22.000 He was with, like, for a couple years.

01:17:23.000 He was, like, embedded in the Hells Angels. 0.98

01:17:25.000 He'd go hang out with them at parties and shit. 0.86

01:17:27.000 But then he got into an altercation because a guy was beating up his girlfriend and Hunter, you know, said something to him. 0.99

01:17:33.000 The guy beat the shit out of him too and a couple other guys beat the shit out of him too. 0.89

01:17:36.000 And then he wrote the book. 0.99

01:17:38.000 The book came out and everybody fucking, you know, went crazy for it. 0.98

01:17:42.000 And that sort of started Hunter S. Thompson's, you know, gonzo journalism. 0.98

01:17:46.000 He went from that...

01:17:47.000 Which is more of, it's different if you compare it to his older stuff.

01:17:50.000 That's his first piece, which is more, it's still got that sort of gonzo edge to it, but it's more based in reality than like when he did Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas.

01:18:00.000 When he got to Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, that was originally supposed to be something that he wrote for ESPN. And it was covering a motorcycle race.

01:18:07.000 It was so fucking crazy that they were like, we can't use this. 0.90

01:18:11.000 And so he turned it into this novel and that sort of kick-started his gonzo career. 0.95

01:18:17.000 That and Kentucky Derby. 0.94

01:18:21.000 He wrote a piece on the Kentucky Derby that was pretty fucking crazy too. 0.99

01:18:24.000 But he was embedded with those fucking angels for two years. 0.99

01:18:29.000 And he's got some wild fucking stories, man. 1.00

01:18:32.000 Orgies, and those guys would kiss each other. 1.00

01:18:34.000 Whenever they would have cameras on them, they would kiss each other and tongue each other.

01:18:37.000 Wow.

01:18:38.000 To freak people out.

01:18:39.000 You see these big motorcycle dudes, crazy beards, making out with each other. 0.53

01:18:44.000 Wow. 0.99

01:18:45.000 Was YMCA, were they actually gay?

01:18:48.000 Because I saw a video the other day, and it didn't seem very gay.

01:18:51.000 Village people?

01:18:51.000 Yeah, the village people.

01:18:52.000 But it seemed like maybe one or two of them were.

01:18:56.000 Do you remember...

01:18:58.000 Do you remember Jamie Kennedy, when Jamie Kennedy had that show, The Jamie Kennedy Experiment?

01:19:03.000 What was it?

01:19:04.000 Jamie Kennedy Experiment, right?

01:19:05.000 Was it The Experiment?

01:19:06.000 Yeah.

01:19:07.000 He had this one episode that he did, and it was about guys and talking these guys into being strippers.

01:19:13.000 They're going to be male strippers. 1.00

01:19:14.000 And then along the line, it gets creepier and creepier.

01:19:17.000 They're going to be on a TV show.

01:19:19.000 It's like, girls gone wild, guys gone nuts.

01:19:22.000 Okay? 0.92

01:19:22.000 This is guys gone nuts. 0.92

01:19:23.000 Yeah, yeah, okay, okay. 0.99

01:19:24.000 And then they tell him that it's going to be a lot of it is for gay guys. 0.94

01:19:27.000 But it doesn't matter, man. 0.95

01:19:29.000 You're going to be a huge star and all this stuff. 0.74

01:19:31.000 And he starts going over some of the gay things he might have to do. 0.80

01:19:34.000 Like, might have to make out with another man.

01:19:37.000 And the guy's like, well, man, I don't want to do that, but I do want to be on the show. 0.99

01:19:41.000 Damn. 0.98

01:19:43.000 And then at the end of it, they reveal. 1.00

01:19:46.000 But it's real.

01:19:47.000 It's not a setup.

01:19:48.000 It was a real show. 1.00

01:19:49.000 Jamie Kennedy's a fucking genius in that shit. 1.00

01:19:52.000 I don't know why he stopped doing that. 1.00

01:19:54.000 Maybe it was lawsuits.

01:19:55.000 Maybe they got in trouble for doing it. 1.00

01:19:57.000 But that was the best shit he ever did. 1.00

01:19:59.000 It was really fucking funny. 0.99

01:20:01.000 But it was all these guys. 0.96

01:20:03.000 So I would suspect that it's like that kind of situation. 1.00

01:20:06.000 There's enough guys out there that if you just guarantee them they're gonna be on television, guarantee them they're gonna have some sort of fame, they'll do some gay shit. 1.00

01:20:15.000 Well, the reason why I ask is that song that David Lee Roth did, I'm a gigolo everywhere. 0.99

01:20:25.000 I didn't know that Village People was one of their songs, and if you watch the video, it's smooth as hell, like he's a pimp.

01:20:32.000 Really? 0.86

01:20:33.000 And I was like, wait a second, I thought this was some weird gay band. 0.61

01:20:38.000 All I had to do was type in, are the Village People, and then Google filled out gay. 0.94

01:20:43.000 Wow! 0.94

01:20:46.000 Okay, which members of the village people were are gay? 0.98

01:20:50.000 All right, here we go.

01:20:51.000 Victor Willis, the policeman, and Glenn Hughes, the biker, were straight, while Felipe Rose, the American Indian, and Randy Jones, the cowboy... 0.80

01:21:03.000 David Hodo, the construction worker, and Alex Briley, the military man, were gay.

01:21:09.000 So there was only two straight dudes, and the rest of them were just... 0.94

01:21:12.000 Four gay members. 0.99

01:21:13.000 Jerking off on them while they were taking nuts. 1.00

01:21:15.000 What is this? 0.95

01:21:15.000 That's it. 0.95

01:21:16.000 This is Just a Gigolo?

01:21:17.000 Yeah.

01:21:17.000 Check out Pimp this guy.

01:21:23.000 This is a Village People song?

01:21:24.000 Yeah.

01:21:26.000 Wow.

01:21:27.000 David Lee Roth, you have a lot of explaining to do.

01:21:32.000 But it's actually a kind of cool video.

01:21:34.000 It's got this...

01:21:35.000 I just changed my idea of what the village people were. 0.70

01:21:38.000 You can really tell which ones are gay. 0.82

01:21:40.000 This guy's just hooking up with a chick and then it cuts to some guy with a black tank top and a pilot's hat. 0.97

01:21:47.000 Well, not only that, it's a black guy and a white woman.

01:21:49.000 There's an interracial vibe to it.

01:21:52.000 And she's really hot, too.

01:21:56.000 Wow.

01:21:57.000 Oh, there they were again.

01:21:59.000 They're all in the alley.

01:22:00.000 Yeah. 0.94

01:22:01.000 They cut to the gay guys dancing, looking at themselves in a mirror. 0.85

01:22:05.000 No, the policeman was not gay. 0.77

01:22:08.000 The policeman and the biker are straight. 0.99

01:22:10.000 So the guy with the crazy mustache, that's the biker, right? 0.99

01:22:13.000 He's straight, believe it or not.

01:22:15.000 Wow.

01:22:15.000 How's that possible?

01:22:16.000 Hanging out with too many gay guys. 1.00

01:22:18.000 I ain't got nobody! 0.96

01:22:21.000 Hey! 0.99

01:22:22.000 Nobody!

01:22:25.000 Nobody can call me That's hilarious.

01:22:30.000 Look at that. 1.00

01:22:31.000 The Indian is gay as fuck, though. 1.00

01:22:32.000 See him looking up? 1.00

01:22:33.000 Yeah.

01:22:34.000 Look at him.

01:22:35.000 Yeah.

01:22:38.000 Look at that cowboy. 0.98

01:22:40.000 You can't tell me that cowboy's straight.

01:22:41.000 I'll tell you that right now. 1.00

01:22:43.000 You can't even dance like that until you've had three or four dicks in your ass. 1.00

01:22:46.000 It's not possible to move that way. 1.00

01:22:48.000 There's a looseness in his hips.

01:22:52.000 This is crazy. 1.00

01:22:53.000 The biker's straight as fuck. 1.00

01:22:54.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:22:54.000 The biker's like, I am surrounded. 1.00

01:22:58.000 They're going to pounce on me. 0.98

01:22:59.000 I'm just going to be so gay that they don't even want a part of me. 0.99

01:23:04.000 That's what he's doing. 0.99

01:23:05.000 It's like manhaling. 0.99

01:23:06.000 Yeah, that mustache, that guy with the mustache, you would assume he would have to be gay. 1.00

01:23:10.000 Oh, totally. 0.99

01:23:11.000 Nope.

01:23:11.000 That's, wait, no way.

01:23:12.000 That's the biker.

01:23:13.000 He's straight.

01:23:14.000 No, he was in the closet.

01:23:16.000 That's what he was doing.

01:23:18.000 He was totally in denial.

01:23:19.000 Like, I don't know what you're talking about, man. 0.98

01:23:20.000 I mean, it's fucking just a job, bro. 0.99

01:23:23.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:23:23.000 I'm just playing a biker. 0.99

01:23:25.000 Even if he's not gay, his mustache is. 1.00

01:23:27.000 Like, that mustache jumps off his face in the middle of the night and goes and bangs dudes. 0.99

01:23:32.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:23:36.000 Just comes back in the morning smelling like liquor and butt. 0.99

01:23:40.000 Buttholes. 0.98

01:23:42.000 Buttholes and Bacardi.

01:23:46.000 Village people are great.

01:23:48.000 It's the only gig I can get, bro.

01:23:49.000 Can you imagine how insulted the Indians like the Indians were after her? 1.00

01:23:56.000 Our representatives are quite pathetic now. 0.99

01:23:59.000 The Cherokee Nation. 0.99

01:24:01.000 Voices is disproval.

01:24:03.000 Oh, that was an Apache. 1.00

01:24:04.000 Don't worry about it, bro.

01:24:05.000 Those were the enemy anyway.

01:24:06.000 You know the Indians?

01:24:07.000 Like, they didn't all like each other.

01:24:09.000 Did you guys know that?

01:24:10.000 Oh, yeah.

01:24:10.000 They fought.

01:24:11.000 All the time.

01:24:13.000 The idea that the white man came and there's a peaceful land. 1.00

01:24:16.000 They came, the white man, and killed everyone. 0.99

01:24:19.000 You guys were kind of killing each other too.

01:24:21.000 The Lakota, like Sioux, the Sioux Indian, the term Sioux, doesn't mean that's their name.

01:24:28.000 That means enemy.

01:24:29.000 That's what it means.

01:24:30.000 They call themselves the Lakota people, but the word Sioux is enemy.

01:24:35.000 So these other native tribes call them enemy. 1.00

01:24:37.000 Obviously, the Americans, the white people, Europeans, did a way better job of killing people and were way more fucked up about it and were way more evil about it and had guns and a lot of the shit. 1.00

01:24:50.000 But... 1.00

01:24:51.000 They didn't like each other either.

01:24:53.000 That's just people, man.

01:24:54.000 You're never going to find, like, this idea of you find this one peaceful utopia where everyone got along, they were one with nature. 0.85

01:25:00.000 And they did a lot of raping and killing, too. 1.00

01:25:03.000 They fucking cut people up. 1.00

01:25:04.000 They did a lot of evil shit. 1.00

01:25:06.000 They ate people. 1.00

01:25:07.000 So stop. 1.00

01:25:08.000 There's no, like, one race that you can go back and go, those fuckers had it nailed. 1.00

01:25:13.000 Those guys were super cool to each other. 0.99

01:25:15.000 They had a balanced civilization.

01:25:16.000 There was no murder, no rape, no theft.

01:25:19.000 Mm-hmm.

01:25:20.000 It's never existed.

01:25:21.000 Yeah, definitely not. 0.99

01:25:22.000 We're a work in progress, ladies and gentlemen, and shit takes time. 0.98

01:25:26.000 The universe has been here four-something billion years. 0.99

01:25:29.000 How many billions?

01:25:29.000 Fourteen billion?

01:25:31.000 Something like that?

01:25:32.000 This planet's been here four and a half billion?

01:25:34.000 4.6?

01:25:34.000 Something like that?

01:25:35.000 I'm not sure.

01:25:36.000 A long-ass time, okay?

01:25:38.000 We've been here for a million years, if that.

01:25:40.000 It takes time.

01:25:41.000 We've got to figure it out.

01:25:42.000 So no culture's ever had it right. 0.94

01:25:44.000 The idea that we should have left the American Indians alone, yeah, great idea. 1.00

01:25:48.000 Fucking terrific. 0.98

01:25:50.000 And then what? 0.99

01:25:51.000 And then what?

01:25:51.000 Exactly.

01:25:52.000 They're all the village people? 0.98

01:25:54.000 It's just a bunch of Indians? 0.94

01:25:55.000 Come on, we needed to get some Americans in there.

01:25:57.000 Yeah, not only that, I'm not arguing for genocide, but that's what happens when people go and they look at history.

01:26:05.000 They look at the positive benefits of things that have happened that were really ugly.

01:26:10.000 People talk about the Mongols.

01:26:11.000 They talk about how the Mongols, they improved trade routes.

01:26:15.000 They killed millions of people, too, though.

01:26:17.000 I mean, they improved trade routes by butchering entire cities of people.

01:26:21.000 Yeah, things definitely started moving.

01:26:24.000 More freely.

01:26:25.000 But people like to look at the positive benefits of things like that, where horrible genocide took place.

01:26:32.000 So if you looked at, like, Americans, establishing American, Europeans coming over and establishing American, killing all these Native Americans, some people, if they looked at it that way, would say, well, if it wasn't for that, we would never have Atlanta.

01:26:46.000 We would never have Miami.

01:26:47.000 We would never have these wonderful cities that we'd enjoy today.

01:26:50.000 So in the long run, it worked out.

01:26:52.000 And the Indians, they have their casinos.

01:26:54.000 That's true.

01:26:55.000 They make a lot of money.

01:26:58.000 I don't know.

01:27:18.000 They killed them in the creepiest ways too.

01:27:21.000 They put smallpox in their blankets.

01:27:25.000 Was it smallpox they put in their blankets and gave to these people?

01:27:28.000 They put like blankets, they had scabs in the blankets of people that had diseases and they would put it in the blankets and give them to the American Indians. 0.92

01:27:34.000 Oof.

01:27:36.000 Yikes.

01:27:37.000 Spreading these evil terminal diseases.

01:27:39.000 Sounds like our buddy Josh Martin's bed.

01:27:42.000 Our friend just moved into a place and his first night there.

01:27:48.000 Yeah, he got screwed over by these two guys that had a bedroom for rent and he gave them the deposit in the first month's rent and slept there for one night and everything he owned since he moved it all into his new bedroom got infested by bedbugs.

01:28:02.000 Oh no.

01:28:03.000 Yeah.

01:28:03.000 And they're like really hard to get rid of.

01:28:06.000 You need to seal everything and wash it all at 110 degrees for an hour at least.

01:28:13.000 You have to do all this stuff with everything.

01:28:15.000 His mattress is now garbage and he's like a very struggling young comic.

01:28:19.000 Oh no.

01:28:20.000 So they knew about it before they rented him the place?

01:28:22.000 Yeah.

01:28:22.000 So he's going to try to...

01:28:24.000 This is somebody that just came off of living in his car for a whole year.

01:28:30.000 In the last two months, he was living in his car after it had been peed on by another comic.

01:28:35.000 Right.

01:28:37.000 This poor guy is just not getting any luck. 1.00

01:28:40.000 Fuck, man. 1.00

01:28:41.000 Bed bugs are supposedly all throughout New York City. 1.00

01:28:43.000 It's a real issue with bed bugs.

01:28:44.000 Yeah, because this happened to him over the weekend, I ended up reading about it yesterday, and it's really crazy.

01:28:50.000 They were almost extinct.

01:28:52.000 Completely.

01:28:53.000 And then in 95 or something like that, for no apparent reason, there was an explosion of bedbugs.

01:28:59.000 I remember it just being, I thought, I used to think they weren't even real.

01:29:02.000 I used to think it was just a thing that my mom said to me before bed, like, have a good night, don't let the bed bugs bite, like that whole thing.

01:29:09.000 No, they're real, dude.

01:29:10.000 When I was in high school, my dog had fleas, and she got the fleas in my carpet, and I couldn't get them out, man.

01:29:16.000 I could not get them out.

01:29:17.000 Like, when I would go from my bedroom, like from my carpet to my bed, I would get bugs on me, and I'd have to take them off.

01:29:23.000 Yeah, I had that happen once.

01:29:25.000 That was the scariest, one of the worst times of my life.

01:29:28.000 It drove me crazy.

01:29:29.000 You feel like they're on you all the time. 0.99

01:29:31.000 And I was a fucking lazy kid, too. 0.99

01:29:32.000 I wasn't going to clean my room. 0.99

01:29:33.000 I wasn't going to vacuum.

01:29:34.000 I just wasn't going to get it done.

01:29:36.000 They jump right on your ankles. 0.63

01:29:38.000 I remember that. 0.87

01:29:38.000 It bit the shit out of me, dude. 0.87

01:29:39.000 I used to have little scabs on my ankles. 0.85

01:29:41.000 So I eventually had to pull everything out of my room and then foam it down.

01:29:45.000 We had to get this machine... 0.62

01:29:46.000 You know, those machines that they hire people to come by and, you know, you could rent them at like Home Depot and shit or wherever it was. 0.84

01:29:52.000 I bought one of those. 0.88

01:29:53.000 Did you buy one of those?

01:29:54.000 Yeah, if you ever need it. 0.80

01:29:56.000 Well, I think carpets are gross, man.

01:29:58.000 I would rather have a wood floor that you can clean up real easy.

01:30:01.000 You can't really clean carpets that good.

01:30:02.000 It's like clothes that you never change.

01:30:04.000 I couldn't agree with you more.

01:30:05.000 I hate carpet.

01:30:06.000 If it was up to me, it would just be, if you have hardwood, maybe like a little rug.

01:30:10.000 And then when something spills on the rug, get a new rug. 1.00

01:30:14.000 Yeah, roll that bitch up and light it on fire. 1.00

01:30:16.000 Absolutely. 1.00

01:30:17.000 Yeah, I think that's like a thing that people thought was like a luxury in the 80s or the 70s or whatever the fuck it was. 0.98

01:30:22.000 Ooh, carpet. 0.93

01:30:23.000 And they realized, this is like a sweater that people walk on.

01:30:27.000 Right, it's like a giant...

01:30:29.000 Towel.

01:30:30.000 It is.

01:30:31.000 It's essentially just like a towel.

01:30:33.000 Towels have those little things that stick out of them.

01:30:36.000 Ooh, you mean plush?

01:30:37.000 Yeah, right.

01:30:38.000 The fancier it is, the more it entraps bacteria and everything.

01:30:42.000 You know what I don't like?

01:30:43.000 I don't like towels that are synthetic because you could feel it when they're wet.

01:30:47.000 When you're wet and you rub one of those plush synthetic towels and it almost doesn't absorb the water.

01:30:52.000 Exactly.

01:30:52.000 It wipes the water on you a little bit.

01:30:55.000 The worst.

01:30:55.000 It absorbs some of it, but you could feel the difference.

01:30:57.000 Or if you get a real legit cotton towel, you feel it dry you off.

01:31:03.000 You feel it take the water off.

01:31:05.000 Those slippery ones make me feel like I'm ruining the environment.

01:31:08.000 Oh, yeah.

01:31:09.000 I'd throw those out.

01:31:12.000 This thing would probably melt.

01:31:14.000 It wouldn't even light on fire.

01:31:14.000 It would melt.

01:31:15.000 Yeah.

01:31:16.000 I saw you at E3, or I heard your voice on E3 when they announced the new UFC, and they played some of it, and I guess Bruce Lee is now in it, so you can fight Bruce Lee versus, like, GSP. Dude, have you seen it?

01:31:29.000 Yeah.

01:31:29.000 The graphics are insane.

01:31:31.000 They're insane.

01:31:31.000 It's amazing.

01:31:32.000 They're so close now.

01:31:34.000 They're getting so close to, like, making it look like a real movie.

01:31:37.000 Like, making it look like a real fight in HD. Mm-hmm.

01:31:40.000 And you're on commentary on that?

01:31:42.000 Yeah, I did hours.

01:31:44.000 I was just going to ask, so you have to say everything, because you have to get every possible thing out.

01:31:50.000 Yeah, I mean, I'm not complaining, but I am, kind of.

01:31:53.000 But it wasn't a difficult thing to do.

01:31:55.000 It just takes a long time.

01:31:56.000 It's actually fun.

01:31:57.000 I would just pretend I was watching fights.

01:32:01.000 When I was doing it, I would just think about moments that things happened.

01:32:05.000 Moments like guys landed kicks or punches or takedowns or someone catching a choke and I would just remember like historic fight moments and just sort of try to recapture that.

01:32:17.000 Try to pretend that that's happening while I was screaming at him.

01:32:19.000 So if you watch, if you play the video, it's very close to the way I would do commentary to real fire.

01:32:27.000 I love Bruce Buffer.

01:32:28.000 This is actual gameplay.

01:32:30.000 Bruce is the best.

01:32:31.000 Yeah.

01:32:31.000 That's gameplay.

01:32:32.000 No one has ever been better than Bruce Buffer.

01:32:35.000 Totally. 0.99

01:32:35.000 Look how good the fucking graphics are. 0.99

01:32:37.000 That's incredible. 1.00

01:32:38.000 Oh my god.

01:32:38.000 I didn't realize this was a game until you just said that.

01:32:41.000 That's crazy. 0.99

01:32:42.000 Dude, look at the fucking shadows and the way this... 0.99

01:32:45.000 It's so much better than it used to be. 0.99

01:32:47.000 Whoa.

01:32:47.000 This is crazy.

01:32:49.000 That looks exactly like Ronda Rousey. 1.00

01:32:50.000 That's crazy.

01:32:51.000 And look at the movement.

01:32:52.000 The movement's really good now.

01:32:55.000 I've heard the ground game controls are a lot easier now to get into jiu-jitsu moves and stuff like that. 0.99

01:33:04.000 This is crazy shit. 0.99

01:33:10.000 It looks so good. 1.00

01:33:15.000 That's a good guillotine.

01:33:17.000 I mean, it looks real.

01:33:18.000 Yeah, they've really been spending a lot of time on this one.

01:33:22.000 But I'll tell you what, people take a lot more head kicks in this game than they do in real life.

01:33:27.000 It only takes a couple of those jammies in real life to shut the lights out.

01:33:32.000 This is wild.

01:33:33.000 Is it weird to see all your friends digitized in video game forms?

01:33:37.000 Yeah, the Bruce Lee thing is amazing.

01:33:40.000 Look at Bruce Lee.

01:33:42.000 Wow, he's ripped.

01:33:44.000 Is he wearing the yellow-black? 0.99

01:33:46.000 You said that about as gay as possible. 0.98

01:33:49.000 He's ripped. 0.97

01:33:50.000 You can talk like that when it's about Bruce Lee.

01:33:53.000 You're allowed to.

01:33:54.000 Isn't that funny?

01:33:55.000 Ripped is a thing that people want.

01:33:58.000 They want ripped. 0.89

01:33:59.000 They want to see a six-pack. 0.99

01:34:01.000 You know what, the best fighter possibly ever was Fedor Emelianenko, and he was fat as fuck. 0.99

01:34:07.000 He walked around like a belly. 0.99

01:34:08.000 He had a little roll.

01:34:11.000 He jiggles around the middle a little bit. 0.99

01:34:13.000 Didn't give a fuck. 1.00

01:34:14.000 Just go in there and fuck guys up. 1.00

01:34:16.000 Anderson Silva was never that ripped either. 1.00

01:34:18.000 He was more smooth.

01:34:20.000 He was obviously muscular and very strong, but he wasn't like Bruce Lee.

01:34:25.000 Shredded. 0.96

01:34:26.000 There's a few guys that are like that. 1.00

01:34:27.000 Fucking shredded. 1.00

01:34:30.000 Bruce Lee's a bad man. 0.99

01:34:32.000 Bruce Lee was like legitimately one of the first guys to figure out that there were certain aspects of all the martial arts that were effective.

01:34:40.000 And the best way to do it was to combine them all. 0.99

01:34:42.000 Before Bruce Lee, nobody combined shit. 0.99

01:34:44.000 That was like a thing that you would have pride in. 0.99

01:34:47.000 You know, I have studied Shotokan.

01:34:49.000 I will continue to be a Shotokan man to the day I die.

01:34:52.000 I am a Wing Chun man.

01:34:54.000 People would represent their style like an old kung fu movie.

01:34:58.000 They thought that there was only one style that was the correct style.

01:35:01.000 My master learned from the great masters and he came down from Korea and taught me this style.

01:35:07.000 Bruce Lee was like, that's nonsense.

01:35:09.000 Bruce Lee was the guy who invented MMA, really.

01:35:12.000 What'd you do?

01:35:12.000 You fart?

01:35:13.000 Covering your own mouth? 0.98

01:35:14.000 Oh no, I was blowing my vapor into my shirt.

01:35:16.000 You can't even go an hour without getting a fix.

01:35:19.000 Are you back on the vape pen today?

01:35:21.000 Yeah.

01:35:21.000 Did you get off the cigarettes?

01:35:22.000 No, I still smoke cigarettes sometimes.

01:35:24.000 It's bad.

01:35:25.000 Tony H, what happened?

01:35:25.000 I'm a bad man.

01:35:26.000 What was the stressful event that caused you to go back to the cigarettes?

01:35:29.000 Work stuff.

01:35:30.000 I didn't get something that I was working for a couple months for really, really hard.

01:35:35.000 I mean, I'm going to get back to...

01:35:38.000 I've got to get off of everything.

01:35:39.000 In the long run, it did you good.

01:35:42.000 Trust me.

01:35:43.000 You shouldn't be on shows, dude.

01:35:46.000 You should just get funny just from your stand-up.

01:35:49.000 I mean, get famous just from your stand-up.

01:35:50.000 Get funny just from your stand-up.

01:35:52.000 Get famous just from your stand-up.

01:35:53.000 The reason why I say this is because no one is ever going to be able to capture what you do best any place other than on stage.

01:35:59.000 You know, when you're on stage, that's you.

01:36:02.000 You're 100% in control of the content, the way it's set up, delivered, and it's hilarious.

01:36:07.000 Like, you can't do that if you're doing a TV show.

01:36:10.000 You're going to do it with a bunch of people. 0.57

01:36:12.000 They're going to have some fucking wacky ideas about what Tony H. should wear, and Tony, we got just a little bit of makeup, just a slight base. 0.96

01:36:19.000 Like, okay, okay. 0.98

01:36:20.000 And next thing you know...

01:36:22.000 Yeah, it was a little bit bigger than that, the draining thing.

01:36:27.000 It was something that was so funny.

01:36:30.000 Yeah, I know what it was.

01:36:31.000 You worked on it for a long time.

01:36:32.000 Yeah, it was a really tough loss.

01:36:34.000 If you're going to do a show, I really think it should be your own show.

01:36:36.000 You're right.

01:36:36.000 Figure out how to do your own thing.

01:36:38.000 You're doing somebody else's thing.

01:36:40.000 I think that's, for a comic, that's one of the hardest things to realize.

01:36:43.000 It takes a long time to realize, but you're better off doing your own thing than you are, like, if you get stuck on some show, like when I was on Fear Factor, it was a great benefit financially, it was really good, but when you're doing someone else's thing, it's not, it's like a job.

01:36:57.000 It becomes something that you think about, like, okay, now I'm going to work.

01:37:00.000 Not complaining, it was a great job.

01:37:02.000 But there's a huge difference between that and, like, doing a podcast or that and doing stand-up, especially doing stand-up.

01:37:09.000 Oh, yeah.

01:37:09.000 That's the freest one.

01:37:20.000 Right.

01:37:23.000 Exactly.

01:37:24.000 I mean, I wasn't going to slow down on my stand-up or the me thing, but I really wanted that.

01:37:31.000 I really wanted something.

01:37:32.000 I'm sure you did.

01:37:32.000 I know you did.

01:37:34.000 I mean, that's a good thing that you never stop with your stand-up.

01:37:37.000 Some guys do, right?

01:37:38.000 They get a job writing and they stop performing.

01:37:40.000 That's what's crazy.

01:37:41.000 That was one of the things when I got into the writer's room for the first time.

01:37:45.000 I was amazed at how funny...

01:37:48.000 A lot of the guys were, and that they used to do stand-up, and that once they started the writing job, that they stopped.

01:37:55.000 Because I hang out with comedians all the time, almost every night.

01:37:58.000 So when I was in the room, I know what's funny, and I know who's funny.

01:38:02.000 You know what I mean?

01:38:03.000 So it's amazing to me.

01:38:05.000 It was scary.

01:38:06.000 One guy, one of the funniest people I've ever met, used to do stand-up, and he doesn't.

01:38:12.000 But every time this guy opens his mouth, it's about to be an explosion.

01:38:16.000 I mean, he has an Emmy for writing, but he's the king of roast writing.

01:38:20.000 Like, he's just an insult guru.

01:38:21.000 So if you go, hey, what about Babidi-Bab, you know, Jimi Hendrix, or whatever, and ten seconds later, he'll have a gem that you can't not almost fall on the ground at.

01:38:30.000 But yeah, I never did.

01:38:32.000 The entire time my first few years writing, writing gigs, even during the season, if it got late in the office, eight, nine, ten, I'd Hey guys, I gotta go do my spot.

01:38:44.000 Sorry.

01:38:45.000 Yeah, good for you.

01:38:46.000 I'd also churn it out so much during the day that they couldn't be like...

01:38:49.000 I didn't give them an option.

01:38:52.000 I would work hard all day, but I never...

01:38:55.000 If I did that, if I missed a spot or something for a writing gig, that would start an entire whole other crazy meltdown and breakdown because I just can't not do stand-up.

01:39:06.000 Crazy.

01:39:07.000 Well, you're always getting better, too.

01:39:09.000 I'll see you three months later, you're better.

01:39:12.000 Three months later, you'll be better than you were three months ago, almost every time.

01:39:15.000 That means you're constantly trying to refine and hone, and that's when it becomes a real obsession.

01:39:20.000 When you're folding over your jokes and hammering them down, trying to get them to...

01:39:23.000 You've got to do a lot of sets to do that.

01:39:25.000 And if you have another gig that starts preventing you from doing that, it can become a real problem.

01:39:30.000 You could just go, oh, you know what?

01:39:33.000 I've got this.

01:39:33.000 I'm just going to kick back, stop doing stand-up for a while.

01:39:37.000 I'm going to just take a few months off and just...

01:39:39.000 Maybe I'll just...

01:39:39.000 I mean, I'm not happy with my act right now.

01:39:41.000 You come up with excuses and reasons.

01:39:43.000 And next thing you know, you've got some sort of a job.

01:39:46.000 Right.

01:39:46.000 You're showing up at an office every day and you're...

01:39:48.000 I mean, you're writing.

01:39:49.000 Yeah, it's great.

01:39:49.000 But it's not as fun as stand-up.

01:39:52.000 It can't be.

01:39:52.000 Exactly.

01:39:53.000 But for some dudes, the stress of the performance is not worth...

01:39:57.000 It's like...

01:39:58.000 It's not worth the effort.

01:40:00.000 It's like...

01:40:01.000 What's that expression?

01:40:03.000 Um...

01:40:03.000 The juice.

01:40:04.000 Like, is it worth the juice to squeeze these berries?

01:40:08.000 You know, is it worth the effort?

01:40:09.000 Is it worth it?

01:40:10.000 All the stress that you go through to get on stage and crack out a joke.

01:40:14.000 I'd rather just write for someone else and have them deal with it.

01:40:17.000 Yeah, that's not stress at all.

01:40:19.000 I love churning those berries, you know what I'm saying?

01:40:22.000 Right, but that's just you, right?

01:40:23.000 Yeah.

01:40:24.000 I mean, for some guys, it really is better for them to just be a writer. 0.99

01:40:27.000 It's like, their performance life is just too fucked up. 0.99

01:40:31.000 It's too hard for them. 1.00

01:40:32.000 I guess so.

01:40:33.000 Yeah.

01:40:34.000 I think there's a lot of guys like that, man.

01:40:36.000 Maybe they just couldn't get the spots, didn't meet the right people at the right time or something.

01:40:39.000 I don't know.

01:40:40.000 Maybe they weren't that funny of a performer.

01:40:42.000 That is the one thing.

01:40:43.000 I don't know what those writers who I say are hilarious, what their stand-up's like.

01:40:48.000 They've been in writer rooms for so long that they know how to be funny at a table.

01:40:52.000 You know what I mean?

01:40:53.000 When a topic comes up.

01:40:55.000 Do you encourage people that you meet that are really funny to try to do stand-up?

01:40:58.000 No.

01:40:59.000 Never?

01:40:59.000 Never.

01:41:00.000 Really?

01:41:01.000 Never.

01:41:02.000 They gotta wanna do it.

01:41:03.000 That's one of those things where if you don't want it so bad that you...

01:41:08.000 That you're crazy about it, then you're not going to do anything anyway.

01:41:11.000 You never planted that seed, though?

01:41:13.000 You never said to anybody, you should probably do stand-up?

01:41:17.000 My whole podcast is pretty much based on helping people that want to do stand-up get better, or grow, or give them something in any way, shape, or form, or bring them down a peg if they're crazy.

01:41:31.000 But...

01:41:31.000 No, I'm not into helping...

01:41:35.000 I'm not into...

01:41:37.000 Telling somebody that they should do something that's as extreme as stand-up.

01:41:41.000 If they haven't gone to an open mic and tried it, then I can't say.

01:41:46.000 You know why I say I do it?

01:41:48.000 Is because I think there's certain people out there that really are funny and just need to hear a voice of encouragement.

01:41:54.000 It could go a long way.

01:41:56.000 I met dudes that...

01:41:58.000 I used to work for a guy who was a private investigator.

01:42:00.000 One of the funniest guys I've ever met in my life.

01:42:02.000 His name is Dave Dolan.

01:42:03.000 The guy easily could have been a stand-up.

01:42:06.000 He was a private investigator, and he was really good at reading people.

01:42:09.000 So he knew what a person's weakness was. 0.99

01:42:11.000 He would talk to you for a couple seconds, just figure out what your thing was, and he would play dumb. 0.98

01:42:15.000 He'd be like this dumb Boston guy, like, hey, you know, I was down here with a friend of mine, and we were looking for this guy that hit our car and took off. 0.98

01:42:24.000 And he would read off a license plate number. 0.97

01:42:26.000 It was very similar to their license plate number.

01:42:29.000 And that was how he got information out of people.

01:42:30.000 He would just tell them about an accident they weren't involved in, and then he would start talking to them. 0.99

01:42:34.000 And they would start giving him information about all kinds of shit. 0.97

01:42:37.000 About working while they're on unemployment. 0.98

01:42:39.000 Oh, I'm using my maiden name.

01:42:41.000 I have a job. 0.99

01:42:41.000 We caught people doing shit like that all the time. 0.99

01:42:44.000 But the guy was hilarious. 0.98

01:42:46.000 He would get in the car after he had done that, and we would work together as a team. 1.00

01:42:51.000 And he would be laughing his dick off and just saying all kinds of fucking crazy shit. 0.99

01:42:55.000 And he was just one of those guys that was just naturally funny. 0.99

01:42:58.000 And I told him, I was like, look, man, you're funnier than me, and I'm doing stand-up.

01:43:02.000 You should really do stand-up.

01:43:03.000 And he's like, look kid, I gotta pay the bills.

01:43:05.000 Okay, this is what I do. 1.00

01:43:06.000 I bust assholes. 1.00

01:43:08.000 Right. 1.00

01:43:08.000 And he just had this sort of way about him. 1.00

01:43:11.000 Just knew how to just say the right thing.

01:43:14.000 Yeah.

01:43:14.000 It's like a craft that some guys have where they know when to say the right thing.

01:43:19.000 Like Diaz.

01:43:19.000 Perfect example.

01:43:20.000 Right.

01:43:21.000 You know?

01:43:21.000 Yeah.

01:43:21.000 When Eddie Bravo fought Hoyle Gracie, we called Joey Diaz.

01:43:25.000 We had him on speakerphone.

01:43:26.000 And the first thing he said is, Vogel the Child, the flags are at half-mast!

01:43:30.000 Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! 1.00

01:43:33.000 He just knows when to say the right shit. 1.00

01:43:38.000 If Joey Diaz, if somebody... 1.00

01:43:39.000 I guess he probably decided to do it himself.

01:43:41.000 But if nobody had ever talked Joey Diaz into doing stand-up, that would have been a national tragedy.

01:43:47.000 Yeah.

01:43:47.000 You know a lot of what Joey did was in prison?

01:43:50.000 Oh, yeah.

01:43:51.000 He would make prisoners laugh.

01:43:52.000 Yeah.

01:43:53.000 That's where he got good at it. 0.89

01:43:55.000 They would show a movie if the movie sucked.

01:43:57.000 They'd go, get up there, Coco.

01:43:58.000 Get up there, Coco. 1.00

01:43:59.000 And Joey would get up on stage and make everybody laugh.

01:44:02.000 Isn't that nuts?

01:44:03.000 Wow. 0.99

01:44:04.000 When they tell the Joey Diaz life story, and I think somebody will do it, somebody's going to fuck it up. 0.81

01:44:08.000 Probably Jonah Hill or something like that. 0.84

01:44:11.000 Some guy's not even Cuban. 0.94

01:44:16.000 It'll be Adam Sandler with a fat suit.

01:44:18.000 Adam is a big fan and really wants your trust in this project.

01:44:21.000 He really thinks that he could do it.

01:44:23.000 It'd be like when people were outraged that Tom Cruise was going to play Lestat in Interview with the Vampire.

01:44:29.000 Crazy online petition against Tom Cruise playing Lestat, everybody's freaking the fuck out.

01:44:34.000 That's what it'd be like if Jonah Hill was going to play Joey Diaz.

01:44:37.000 It'd be like, he's not even camping. 0.95

01:44:40.000 Hey, how are you cocksuckers? 0.96

01:44:42.000 And there would be someone from like some Latino association who would get on TV and say, you know, this is another theft from the Latino community. 0.96

01:44:51.000 Someone is coming in and a non-Latino is playing a Latino on TV in a movie about a Latino star.

01:45:02.000 It's the best.

01:45:07.000 I saw Sebastian the other day at the Ice House.

01:45:09.000 Sold out the whole weekend.

01:45:10.000 I didn't know so many people knew who Sebastian was.

01:45:13.000 Oh, yeah, man.

01:45:14.000 That he was that big, but people were telling me, oh, dude, he's huge.

01:45:17.000 Sebastian's doing great.

01:45:18.000 He had a Showtime special.

01:45:19.000 We talked about a Showtime special on the podcast.

01:45:21.000 I watched it in my hotel room.

01:45:23.000 I was just flipping through the channels, and I caught it.

01:45:25.000 It was really funny. 0.99

01:45:26.000 He's fucking good. 0.98

01:45:27.000 He's doing really well. 0.98

01:45:29.000 He'd always done well in certain spots, like where people got to know him.

01:45:32.000 He developed a following in Dallas years back.

01:45:34.000 He did really well at that Addison Improv. 0.93

01:45:37.000 Ridiculous.

01:45:38.000 That's a great spot. 0.92

01:45:39.000 That Addison Improv.

01:45:41.000 That's a great spot.

01:45:42.000 There's some wild people.

01:45:43.000 There's still a lot of smoke indoors, I think.

01:45:46.000 We'd do a late show and people would be smoking.

01:45:49.000 I would go, this is crazy.

01:45:50.000 You guys can smoke inside?

01:45:52.000 And it wasn't like one of those Vegas showrooms. 0.98

01:45:55.000 You can smoke in Vegas, but if you go to any place in Vegas, they have those fucking industrial room cleansing machines that are just sucking cigarette smoke out. 0.96

01:46:05.000 You walk through the casino, you don't even realize that all those people are smoking. 0.98

01:46:08.000 Right.

01:46:08.000 I mean, how often do you walk through the casino?

01:46:10.000 I mean, if it's right on top of you, you smell it and it's kind of gross, but for the most part, you're surrounded by people smoking cigarettes.

01:46:15.000 You can barely tell.

01:46:16.000 They're just sucking out that air and cleaning it up and giving you some fresh ambition air.

01:46:21.000 Some blackjack hair.

01:46:23.000 That's how I got back on the smokes.

01:46:25.000 We were in Vegas just a couple weeks ago, and you see these people smoking in the casino.

01:46:29.000 It was just weird.

01:46:31.000 I wasn't really planning on smoking, but we got there, and you just see these people smoking, but you don't smell it.

01:46:36.000 But it's indoors, so it seems clean again.

01:46:40.000 The trickery worked.

01:46:41.000 On my brain, next thing you know, when we met, after we checked into our hotel rooms, I had a pack of cigarettes for the first time in six months.

01:46:49.000 Let's find that out.

01:46:50.000 How do casinos kill the smell of cigarettes?

01:46:52.000 Because they must do something.

01:46:54.000 We stayed at the Golden Nugget, and we got into the smoking room there, and the room smelled like the most cigarette that I've ever smoked.

01:47:03.000 The Golden Nugget's like the staple of Vegas.

01:47:06.000 It's just hundreds of years of cigarettes.

01:47:09.000 Sinatra's smoking there.

01:47:10.000 Well, you know, they say there's third-hand smoke.

01:47:12.000 Do you ever hear about third-hand smoke?

01:47:13.000 Yeah.

01:47:14.000 They think that you go into a place like that, that has been cigarette smoke, people have been smoking in there for years and years and years, it's actually in the walls itself.

01:47:22.000 Like, you're actually breathing in carcinogens when you're in that building.

01:47:25.000 Especially if anything catches fire or gets wet or has some sort of a chemical reaction to things that are in the room. 0.85

01:47:31.000 Household cleaners and shit like that. 0.99

01:47:33.000 It seems like something that you would have said like three years ago, yeah, if you get cancer from third-hand smoke, you're a fat. 1.00

01:47:40.000 You're a pussy. 1.00

01:47:43.000 Well, I'm not saying that it's anything you should worry about at a casino, staying in a room for a night, but it's not good for you, that's for sure. 1.00

01:47:51.000 If they find out that's true, or if it gives you autism from smoke, like third-hand smoke, because it seems like it would. 0.99

01:47:56.000 If you go to that Golden Nugget that we were at, that shit was disturbingly cigarette-y. 0.77

01:48:01.000 So that place did have like old school filters? 0.99

01:48:04.000 Old school.

01:48:04.000 I mean, the rooms felt like you were in an ashtray.

01:48:08.000 Yeah, there's a thing called Air Fantastic.

01:48:14.000 And they have a solution for these kind of things.

01:48:18.000 It can reduce 99% of airborne particles, particulates, dust, pollen.

01:48:23.000 Machines, this is kind of interesting.

01:48:26.000 So I guess it just sucks all the air out of the room and cleans it while you're in there.

01:48:30.000 Huh.

01:48:31.000 That's pretty impressive.

01:48:33.000 99% of airborne particulates.

01:48:36.000 Jay-Z! Just like a study from West Texas A&M. Huh.

01:48:42.000 Particulates in cigarette smoke are positively charged, which keeps them airborne.

01:48:47.000 The ions produced are negatively charged, and so the particles are neutralized and fall to the ground.

01:48:55.000 Whoa.

01:48:56.000 That's crazy. 0.99

01:48:57.000 So, this shit does something to the very air around you that causes the particles from cigarettes to fall so they don't stay in the air and linger. 0.99

01:49:08.000 Like, that's what's going on. 1.00

01:49:10.000 What the fuck is that about? 0.99

01:49:12.000 That's weird, man. 0.99

01:49:14.000 The crystal clear experiment was proven at Austin's Yellow Rose Gentleman's Club in 2003, which installed eight of our 14-inch probes.

01:49:22.000 That's hilarious. 0.99

01:49:23.000 That's their first fucking customer. 1.00

01:49:24.000 Finally, we got one, boys. 1.00

01:49:25.000 The titty bar is taking us in.

01:49:26.000 We're going to revolutionize this game.

01:49:28.000 The bar would be packed with many smokers, and the air was crystal clear.

01:49:33.000 And one could not even see...

01:49:36.000 On Particle?

01:49:39.000 They should say one particle, but it says on particle. 1.00

01:49:43.000 You fucking no spell check, motherfuckers. 1.00

01:49:46.000 Read your own shit. 1.00

01:49:47.000 How come someone has a website that you don't even read your own shit? 1.00

01:49:49.000 That makes me wonder if the product is... 1.00

01:49:52.000 They could not see one particle, you fucks, in the bright spot. 0.99

01:49:56.000 Okay. 0.98

01:49:58.000 Alright, well that's just one company that sells something.

01:50:00.000 But obviously there's something like that.

01:50:01.000 So they have some way to remove this stuff.

01:50:05.000 There's more than one company.

01:50:07.000 There's another called Air Aroma, Air Zone.

01:50:10.000 So I guess they do something.

01:50:12.000 Huh.

01:50:14.000 I wonder if that's bad for you though. 0.99

01:50:15.000 Whatever the fuck they're doing to the air. 0.98

01:50:17.000 It seems like it would be. 0.99

01:50:18.000 That doesn't seem like it's good, right?

01:50:20.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:50:21.000 I don't know what the fuck that is. 0.98

01:50:22.000 They gotta do something. 0.98

01:50:24.000 If it's to the air.

01:50:25.000 How old do you have to be to smoke?

01:50:27.000 18. That's it?

01:50:28.000 And New York just passed 21, which is super smart. 0.99

01:50:31.000 Yeah, it should be fucking 21. But you're not going to stop them. 0.98

01:50:34.000 You're not going to stop people.

01:50:36.000 I think if you want to figure out a way to keep people from smoking cigarettes, you're going to have to find some sort of a pill that allows them to quit really easily.

01:50:45.000 It just kills the addiction, no withdrawal symptoms.

01:50:48.000 Because otherwise, the majority of people love pleasure and they hate discomfort so much that the idea of being without a cigarette and having a pang and a craving is too much and they just cave in.

01:50:59.000 It's amazing that Nabisco is down with that.

01:51:02.000 Yeah.

01:51:03.000 The people that sell us those fine cookies and crackers, they also sell cigarettes.

01:51:08.000 I mean, how greedy do you have to be, folks?

01:51:10.000 How much money are you making from your crackers?

01:51:12.000 So much money.

01:51:14.000 Enough cookie money?

01:51:16.000 Yeah.

01:51:16.000 Why do you have to sell cigarettes?

01:51:17.000 It's all that stuff.

01:51:19.000 You know those little sticks with the little cheese?

01:51:21.000 What are those?

01:51:21.000 Handy snacks?

01:51:22.000 Oh, God.

01:51:23.000 Oh, yeah.

01:51:24.000 Those are yummy when you're four.

01:51:24.000 Those little white sticks with the cheese?

01:51:27.000 Same people.

01:51:29.000 How weird.

01:51:30.000 Kraft is a Nabisco company, so all that cheese.

01:51:33.000 Oreos?

01:51:35.000 Oreo's a big one.

01:51:36.000 How weird is it that in this day and age, with all the information that we have now, we don't hold someone accountable for something like that?

01:51:42.000 We don't say, why are you selling that?

01:51:44.000 I mean, well, people have the right to choose what they want to do.

01:51:49.000 And a lot of Americans enjoy a cigarette.

01:51:52.000 It's amazing.

01:51:52.000 The scariest to me, honestly, is really McDonald's.

01:51:57.000 Why?

01:51:58.000 Because everybody's so taught that It's McDonald's.

01:52:02.000 It's America.

01:52:03.000 This is good.

01:52:04.000 You can have this.

01:52:05.000 This is fine.

01:52:06.000 It's just Coca-Cola, fries, whatever this burger is made out of.

01:52:10.000 Yeah, but that doesn't make you...

01:52:12.000 Well, I guess it does give you a certain amount of addiction, right?

01:52:15.000 Oh, yeah.

01:52:16.000 It teaches you to eat whatever.

01:52:18.000 Preservatives are fine. 1.00

01:52:19.000 It teaches you to eat garbage.

01:52:22.000 If it tastes good, that's all that matters. 0.95

01:52:24.000 I'm loving it.

01:52:25.000 Yeah.

01:52:26.000 But is it doing that or is it just giving you that as an option too?

01:52:29.000 Like why is that any different than a donut shop?

01:52:31.000 I like donuts.

01:52:32.000 I don't eat them all the time, but I like the fact that there's a donut shop where if I pull into Dunkin' Donuts and I say, oh, I have a cup of coffee and a Boston Cream donut, please.

01:52:41.000 I get excited and I'll have about 15-20 seconds of mouth pleasure and then a few hours of regret.

01:52:45.000 But I like that that's available.

01:52:47.000 Isn't that McDonald's?

01:52:48.000 I think a donut's a special treat.

01:52:50.000 I think you get a donut that's like, I'm going to pick out my donut.

01:52:54.000 This was baked today.

01:52:55.000 McDonald's is like, that's really the commercials between everything.

01:53:00.000 It's sort of like...

01:53:01.000 Hey, they're the number one toy producer in the country.

01:53:05.000 McDonald's.

01:53:06.000 All those Happy Meals.

01:53:07.000 Because we're teaching kids, hey, eat this.

01:53:10.000 It doesn't matter what this burger is actually made out of.

01:53:12.000 You know San Francisco?

01:53:13.000 Outlawed toys and Happy Meals?

01:53:15.000 That's smart.

01:53:16.000 Is it?

01:53:17.000 Yeah, I'm telling you, man.

01:53:19.000 You can't just eat whatever you want.

01:53:21.000 Yeah, but you can sometimes.

01:53:23.000 It's going to make you depressed.

01:53:24.000 It's going to make you angry.

01:53:26.000 You're going to wonder why you feel crappy.

01:53:28.000 I mean, at least that's how it was with me.

01:53:29.000 That's why I had to get off that stuff.

01:53:31.000 McDonald's?

01:53:32.000 Yeah.

01:53:32.000 I had it last night.

01:53:33.000 I had a quarter pounder.

01:53:34.000 It was delicious.

01:53:35.000 Yeah, we know it tastes good.

01:53:37.000 That's part of the problem.

01:53:38.000 The fries.

01:53:39.000 Yeah, but nowadays, they're getting sued by so many people that the oils they cook it in now are a lot healthier than they used to be.

01:53:46.000 And the quarter pounder...

01:53:48.000 That's what you just said.

01:53:50.000 The kerosene that they cook their burgers in is a lot...

01:53:53.000 Any food you make is going to have oils in it. 0.97

01:53:59.000 Yeah, I mean, because a lot of people, when they steam their celery, they're always worried about that goddamn oil that comes with it. 0.92

01:54:05.000 Welcome to Greenlee. 0.96

01:54:06.000 When I eat my salad, I know there's going to be oil.

01:54:09.000 I just accept it.

01:54:10.000 I mean, when I eat anything that needs oil, like fries or something like that.

01:54:13.000 Well, if you cook fries, you can cook them in duck fat.

01:54:16.000 Remember that one place in Vegas?

01:54:17.000 We go to Kraft Steak. 1.00

01:54:19.000 Goddamn, son. 0.99

01:54:20.000 They bring over these duck fat fries. 0.99

01:54:22.000 Good googly moogly are they good.

01:54:25.000 Mwum, mwum, [...

01:54:28.000 They bring them over with three different types of dipping sauce.

01:54:30.000 But it's the duck fat.

01:54:32.000 That's what does it. 1.00

01:54:34.000 Those fries, those McDonald's fries, that shit's whack. 1.00

01:54:36.000 It's so delicious, though. 1.00

01:54:37.000 They have the best fries.

01:54:39.000 McDonald's?

01:54:39.000 Yeah.

01:54:39.000 You're crazy.

01:54:40.000 In-N-Out Burry's McDonald's. 1.00

01:54:42.000 Oh, In-N-Out?

01:54:43.000 It's like cardboard.

01:54:44.000 No, no, no. 1.00

01:54:44.000 It's like a real potato, you fuck. 1.00

01:54:46.000 They actually taste like a potato. 1.00

01:54:48.000 In-N-Out is fucking fantastic. 0.99

01:54:50.000 Hell, it's good. 0.99

01:54:51.000 I don't think they beat McDonald's Fries.

01:54:52.000 You know what's better than both of them?

01:54:54.000 Better than both of them.

01:54:55.000 Five Guys Fries. 1.00

01:54:56.000 Burries them in the fucking ground. 1.00

01:54:58.000 How dare you nod your head side to side, Jamie. 1.00

01:55:01.000 You son of a bitch. 1.00

01:55:02.000 You son of a bitch. 1.00

01:55:04.000 Trust me. 1.00

01:55:05.000 Five Guys Fries fucks everybody up. 0.96

01:55:07.000 Plus they have a Cajun version. 0.87

01:55:09.000 You can get Cajun fries.

01:55:11.000 Oh, what did I say?

01:55:12.000 Yes. 0.99

01:55:13.000 They give it to you in a fucking, like one of those movie podcasts. 0.99

01:55:16.000 Those movie barrels where they give you popcorn? 0.99

01:55:18.000 That's what they give you your fries.

01:55:19.000 You're never going to eat all your fries at Five Guys. 0.99

01:55:21.000 Good fucking luck. 0.99

01:55:22.000 Cajun seasoning is the best. 0.99

01:55:25.000 I mean, that just makes anything better.

01:55:27.000 All fries are good fries with Cajun.

01:55:30.000 But Five Guys does have great fries. 0.98

01:55:32.000 I usually don't fuck with Cajun spices on steak. 0.98

01:55:35.000 I usually like steak, you know, like pepper and salt and that's it. 0.99

01:55:39.000 But I had a Cajun ribeye at that place we went to the other day.

01:55:42.000 Ooh, lordy!

01:55:44.000 Oh, it was perfect.

01:55:45.000 Not too overpowering, just the right amount of spice.

01:55:48.000 Oh, yummy, yummy.

01:55:49.000 That picture you posted the other day, that looks amazing.

01:55:53.000 Of what?

01:55:53.000 That delicious steak you were eating, or meat.

01:55:56.000 Oh, which one was it?

01:55:58.000 Oh, the bear?

01:55:59.000 Yeah.

01:56:00.000 Yeah, that was not the one I shot.

01:56:02.000 That was one that someone in camp shot.

01:56:05.000 It was the first time I ever...

01:56:06.000 Well, I had bear sausage before that I liked, but I'd never had a bear steak right off the bear.

01:56:12.000 What's it taste like?

01:56:13.000 It tastes delicious.

01:56:13.000 Is it very gamey?

01:56:14.000 It tastes like a pig fucked a deer, and you had to cook it well done. 0.99

01:56:18.000 That sounds good. 1.00

01:56:19.000 Yeah.

01:56:19.000 Well, the problem with bear is the same problem with pork, and it's that they eat animals.

01:56:26.000 And when they eat animals, you have to worry about them having trichinosis, because trichinosis comes from eating an animal that has trichinosis.

01:56:33.000 So, like, they say 90% of all the cases of trichinosis, according to my friend Steve Rinella, 90% occur in the United States from people eating bears.

01:56:43.000 Whoa.

01:56:44.000 Yeah.

01:56:45.000 That's the 90% of our cases of trichinosis.

01:56:48.000 Think about how few people in the United States eat bears, but that's 90% of the trichinosis cases.

01:56:52.000 It's because bears are...

01:56:55.000 They're predators.

01:56:56.000 I mean, they eat everything.

01:56:57.000 They eat berries, but they also eat animals.

01:57:00.000 They're responsible for, like, half of the moose population.

01:57:03.000 When you are in Alberta, where I was at, half the babies get eaten by bears.

01:57:08.000 Weren't you scared eating that?

01:57:10.000 Like, turning trick?

01:57:11.000 Turning to a bear?

01:57:14.000 No, you have to cook it to 150 degrees.

01:57:22.000 I think bear meat would probably be super delicious if you were able to cook it medium rare.

01:57:29.000 I would like to try it that way because it's good.

01:57:33.000 In comparison to beef or something like that, it has a more robust flavor.

01:57:40.000 And if you cook it thin and you have to cook it well done, it is very good.

01:57:44.000 But it's not as good as deer or elk Because deer elk, you eat like a medium rare, almost a rare, and it's delicious.

01:57:52.000 Like you sear, like a deer loin, you would take a slice of it, you'd put like some pepper and maybe some garlic salt on it, and you would sear it on one side and sear it on the other side, and it's fantastic.

01:58:04.000 You know, you don't really have to cook it that much because they don't have the same type of parasites that pigs do.

01:58:09.000 So when you have pig, you always have to, like that smoked pig was amazing, that ham that I made.

01:58:13.000 But you have to cook that for a long time.

01:58:16.000 It's got to be cooked all the way through and it really breaks it down and it becomes delicious.

01:58:19.000 But it has to hit 150 degrees.

01:58:21.000 If it doesn't hit 150 degrees, the trichinosis, if it has it, and it may not, but if it does have it, you could get it.

01:58:27.000 So in that sense, pigs and bear are very similar.

01:58:30.000 I like them a lot, but I prefer deer and elk and animals that you could eat medium rare.

01:58:36.000 Have you ever done the duck shooting?

01:58:39.000 No.

01:58:40.000 It seems like you would love that, because that seems like target practice, like quake.

01:58:43.000 You're just like...

01:58:45.000 Yeah.

01:58:46.000 The only problem that I have with that, and it's just a small moral problem, is that a lot of those ducks, you're just sort of clipping them.

01:58:54.000 Like, you're, like, tagging their wings with, like, pebbles.

01:58:57.000 You know, like, you're shooting shotgun pellets.

01:58:59.000 And if you ever watch those things, a lot of those ducks are, like, still flying after they get hit, and then they stumble, and they lose a lot of ducks that way.

01:59:07.000 Like, ducks just fly off.

01:59:08.000 Because it seems kind of...

01:59:10.000 Not specific.

01:59:11.000 Like you're shooting at them, boom, boom, but they spread out.

01:59:14.000 The pellets spread out.

01:59:15.000 And in a lot of ways, and this is not a criticism of duck hunting, I would totally do it.

01:59:19.000 But there's one thing that fucks with me, and that's that I think that a lot of them you're barely going to hit.

01:59:25.000 You're going to hit a wing or a foot, blow a foot off, and then they're still going to fly away. 0.99

01:59:30.000 You're going to shoot a lot of them and drop them out of the sky, but... 0.97

01:59:33.000 If you could shoot one duck at a time with a rifle, you could tune in on that duck, you got a crosshair on it, boom! 1.00

01:59:40.000 The duck's gone.

01:59:40.000 But when you're pumping lead into the air, you ever watch those duck shows?

01:59:45.000 Sometimes they get them dead on, but sometimes they catch them, they spiral, and they're fine. 1.00

01:59:51.000 They just fucked up. 0.99

01:59:53.000 Which happens with hunting, too. 1.00

01:59:55.000 It happens especially with archery hunting.

01:59:58.000 Archery hunting is super dangerous.

02:00:00.000 It's dangerous, obviously, for the animal.

02:00:02.000 It's super dangerous.

02:00:03.000 But it's dangerous that you could...

02:00:04.000 There's a danger, a great danger, I should say, that you can wound an animal and not fatally wound it. 0.99

02:00:09.000 So you have to fucking practice like crazy. 0.99

02:00:12.000 It's really difficult to shoot straight. 0.99

02:00:15.000 Like you think like a bow and arrow, today's bows and arrows are way easier than the bows and arrows of, you know, cowboy and Indian days or the Mongol days.

02:00:22.000 They're way better.

02:00:23.000 I mean, they have super high technology, have sights on them.

02:00:25.000 The arrows fly straighter.

02:00:27.000 They're like aluminum jacketed arrows.

02:00:30.000 The compound bows allow you to pull like a heavy weight and there's a let-off.

02:00:35.000 Like an 80-pound bow is like 80 pounds in the beginning, but then back here, it's only probably like 20% of that.

02:00:43.000 When you have it at full draw, you can hold on to it at full draw.

02:00:46.000 But it's hard to stay steady.

02:00:48.000 It's hard to keep that pin lined up on the animal.

02:00:52.000 Especially a bear, when they're coming out of hibernation, their lungs are only that big.

02:00:56.000 They're small.

02:00:57.000 They're like a small volleyball size.

02:01:01.000 Like one of those kids' volleyballs.

02:01:03.000 It's not like a big lung.

02:01:04.000 A deer has a big lung.

02:01:05.000 An elk has a big lung.

02:01:07.000 Because they're in the high mountains.

02:01:08.000 They're running around a lot of time.

02:01:09.000 They have a lot of...

02:01:10.000 But when these bears are coming out of hibernation, it's a very small area that you have to hit.

02:01:14.000 So it's not easy, man. 0.98

02:01:15.000 It takes a long fucking time to get to a point where you trust in your aim enough that you're willing to take a shot at an animal with a bow and arrow. 1.00

02:01:25.000 Serious shit. 1.00

02:01:27.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:01:29.000 I don't know anything about that stuff.

02:01:32.000 When you said cowboys and Indians and bears, I just keep thinking how blown my mind is that the village people wrote the original.

02:01:41.000 I'm a gigolo.

02:01:42.000 Can you imagine how many Van Halen fans would get into an argument not believing that the Village people did that first?

02:01:49.000 And what sounded like a little bit of a catchier version, if you ask me.

02:01:53.000 I sort of like that poppy beat.

02:01:55.000 And to bring it around full circle, those guys were kind of bears.

02:02:00.000 Exactly. 0.99

02:02:02.000 The barest one was the fucking motorcycle cop or the biker guy. 1.00

02:02:06.000 They shot their arrows into each other. 0.99

02:02:07.000 There's a lot of references.

02:02:10.000 Yeah.

02:02:12.000 Somebody said online that Just a Jiggle actually was written by somebody even before that.

02:02:18.000 I can't find it now.

02:02:20.000 I was like, who cares?

02:02:21.000 I believe that.

02:02:22.000 Yeah.

02:02:22.000 That makes sense.

02:02:23.000 A lot of those songs are like old.

02:02:24.000 You know, it sucks when you find out that your favorite version of a song is like a remake, you know?

02:02:29.000 Yeah. 0.97

02:02:30.000 Or that they ripped it off from somebody like, Bill Burr called me up once, and he's like, you're not even going to fucking believe this.

02:02:37.000 Go look up Led Zeppelin rips off.

02:02:40.000 He goes, just go look that up and listen to it.

02:02:43.000 And there's a compilation where they made a YouTube compilation of Led Zeppelin songs in comparison to the songs they ripped off.

02:02:50.000 Mm-hmm.

02:02:51.000 Yeah, they're getting sued right now from that one guy, and that sounded exactly like it.

02:02:55.000 It's devastating.

02:02:56.000 Yeah, that's right.

02:02:57.000 It's devastating. 0.97

02:02:58.000 I mean, I fucking love Zeppelin, dude. 0.92

02:03:00.000 I mean, and I can't take away... 0.95

02:03:02.000 It doesn't take away from my love of those creations, those songs, because the songs are still fucking incredible, but obviously...

02:03:12.000 Obviously, any song in a band is a collaboration.

02:03:15.000 And it appears to me that this was like an unwilling collaboration.

02:03:20.000 That's how I would put it.

02:03:22.000 It was someone else's art that they appropriated and made a part of their art and they created something amazing.

02:03:28.000 And that is essentially what plagiarism is.

02:03:31.000 If those guys had been a part of the team and they worked together, you know, and this guy like, you know, you need coolin', baby, I'm not foolin', I'm gonna send you back to schoolin', you know, and the guy writes all that down, he's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, I like it, I like it, I like it, let's go with it.

02:03:45.000 That would be fine.

02:03:46.000 But if you hear that somewhere else and then you just stick that in your song, it does make your song awesome, no doubt.

02:03:51.000 A whole lot of love.

02:03:52.000 It's one of my favorite songs of all time. 0.98

02:03:54.000 But that shit is almost directly ripped off from some old blues song. 0.99

02:03:58.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:03:59.000 I mean, a lot of the lines are directly ripped off from an old blues song.

02:04:03.000 It's hard to listen to, man.

02:04:05.000 Yeah, if you just type in Led Zeppelin Plagiarism, TMZ. There's like one from 2010. There's one from 2014. There's just like a whole bunch of different songs and lawsuits that have almost all their songs are ripoffs.

02:04:17.000 That's so crazy.

02:04:19.000 I wonder if that's gonna cost them all their money. 0.92

02:04:21.000 That would be fucking weird if all of a sudden Led Zeppin went broke. 0.99

02:04:24.000 Like all those guys were broke as fuck. 0.99

02:04:26.000 Robert Palmer starts going on the road. 1.00

02:04:27.000 He's doing cover songs because he owes all this money.

02:04:30.000 Do you want to hear one of the rip-offs that they did? 0.99

02:04:33.000 Yeah, fuck yeah. 0.99

02:04:33.000 This is, according to the lawsuit, for Dazed and Confused. 0.99

02:04:38.000 Dazed and Confused? 1.00

02:04:39.000 Oh, I love that goddamn song. 1.00

02:04:41.000 One of their big ones. 1.00

02:04:43.000 Here is the, I guess, the rip-off version.

02:04:48.000 Whoa.

02:04:49.000 Wait, that's the real version.

02:04:51.000 It's okay, play them both.

02:04:52.000 Play them together.

02:05:00.000 Yeah.

02:05:01.000 I'm gazed and confused.

02:05:03.000 As it stays, it goes.

02:05:07.000 If I'm being choosed, I'd just like to know.

02:05:11.000 Give me a clue as to where.

02:05:14.000 What's the name of that band?

02:05:16.000 Because Led Zeppelin owes them a hundred million dollars.

02:05:19.000 Jake Holmes.

02:05:20.000 This is not bad, though.

02:05:21.000 Play that a little bit more.

02:05:22.000 That's the only part I showed.

02:05:24.000 And here, you know, of course, the other one is...

02:05:27.000 Been days that confused for someone to do.

02:05:30.000 It's so crazy.

02:05:33.000 Wondering a woman never bargained for you. 1.00

02:05:38.000 Lots of people talking, few of them know.

02:05:42.000 Song of a woman was created below.

02:05:47.000 They're better.

02:05:48.000 I'm sorry.

02:05:49.000 I'm going to do the Mexican woman in the crowd. 1.00

02:05:51.000 But he did it better.

02:05:53.000 But he did it better.

02:05:57.000 No.

02:05:57.000 You're just jealous because he did it better.

02:06:01.000 That's right.

02:06:02.000 Yo, yo, yo. 0.99

02:06:02.000 He did it better. 0.99

02:06:05.000 Yeah, I mean, for sure.

02:06:07.000 At the very least, they were influenced. 0.98

02:06:09.000 But goddamn, their lyrics were better. 0.99

02:06:11.000 The delivery was off the charts. 0.99

02:06:14.000 That's a fancy studio, though.

02:06:16.000 I'd like to see that Jake guy in the same studio with the studio band. 1.00

02:06:21.000 Robert Plant was a motherfucker, son. 0.99

02:06:23.000 That is undeniable. 1.00

02:06:24.000 It was not just the studio. 1.00

02:06:26.000 It was the fucking output. 1.00

02:06:28.000 Just that guy's voice. 1.00

02:06:30.000 The output. 1.00

02:06:32.000 Who the fuck can hit those notes? 0.99

02:06:33.000 Who can even sing like that? 1.00

02:06:35.000 You know? 1.00

02:06:35.000 Who the fuck sings like that, man? 1.00

02:06:38.000 Play that shit again. 1.00

02:06:39.000 Play the Robert Plant version again. 1.00

02:06:40.000 Just play that part.

02:06:42.000 I'm way past that now.

02:06:43.000 You can do it, fella.

02:06:44.000 You can do it.

02:06:44.000 I know you know how to use the internet.

02:06:45.000 Yeah, I'm trying to find the new Stairway to Heaven one because it was way better.

02:06:47.000 Okay, but I just want to hear that real quick.

02:06:49.000 All right, all right.

02:06:50.000 It's going to be a bit...

02:06:51.000 Producer boy.

02:06:54.000 Soul of a woman was created, baby. 1.00

02:06:57.000 Damn, damn, baby. 1.00

02:06:59.000 That was a crazy time. 1.00

02:07:00.000 Talk to Joey Diaz about Led Zeppelin.

02:07:03.000 If Led Zeppelin was smart, they would hire Joey Diaz to narrate their life story.

02:07:08.000 To just do a documentary where Joey Diaz just explains Led Zeppelin.

02:07:13.000 Let me tell you something, brother. 1.00

02:07:15.000 Fucking dirty white guys from England, slinging dick on stage with fucking tights on. 1.00

02:07:21.000 Tights on, Joe Rogan. 1.00

02:07:22.000 He's... 1.00

02:07:23.000 Giant cock inches away from women's faces and they're fucking losing their minds. 1.00

02:07:28.000 They ain't never seen nothing like this before. 1.00

02:07:30.000 He talks to you about the invasion, like when Led Zeppelin first hit America.

02:07:34.000 I'm doing it no justice.

02:07:35.000 You have to hear him describe it, like what that song, the sound was like.

02:07:39.000 Nobody had a sound like that before. 0.70

02:07:41.000 This is this total new next level shit that has opened up the door to a lot of people's, changed a lot of people's idea what songs sounded like. 0.91

02:07:49.000 Stairway to Heaven. 0.99

02:07:50.000 I'm one of those guys.

02:07:52.000 I love Led Zeppelin, but I'm one of those guys that puts Pink Floyd ahead of them any day of the week.

02:07:59.000 That's interesting.

02:08:00.000 I could put up a strong case for Floyd.

02:08:03.000 I don't think you could.

02:08:04.000 Oh, yeah.

02:08:05.000 Because it's better for you.

02:08:06.000 But for me, Zeppelin's better than Pink Floyd. 0.99

02:08:08.000 But Pink Floyd's fucking amazing. 0.99

02:08:10.000 What is this? 0.99

02:08:11.000 This is the guy.

02:08:13.000 Look at the guy.

02:08:14.000 Above ground sound.

02:08:18.000 Of Jack Holmes.

02:08:20.000 Is Jack Holmes dead?

02:08:20.000 Because that would be super ironic.

02:08:22.000 I don't know.

02:08:23.000 Jake Holmes.

02:08:26.000 I mean, that's definitely the baseline.

02:08:35.000 No doubt. 0.99

02:08:40.000 Is he sitting on his balls in this picture? 0.99

02:08:44.000 That's pretty goddamn good, dude. 0.99

02:08:51.000 I like this guy. 0.91

02:08:56.000 That's pretty goddamn good, dude. 0.60

02:08:58.000 I mean, it's different, but it's pretty damn good. 0.85

02:09:01.000 Yeah.

02:09:12.000 Let's see how he breaks it down.

02:09:19.000 Oh, he doesn't.

02:09:25.000 Wow.

02:09:25.000 He comes early.

02:09:29.000 That's pretty goddamn good, dude. 0.80

02:09:30.000 Yeah.

02:09:31.000 Especially because that's the original. 0.54

02:09:33.000 So you gotta think, like, it's much easier to listen to someone and then add a bunch of shit to something that's sort of the foundation than to come up with the original idea. 0.80

02:09:41.000 Totally. 0.96

02:09:42.000 You know?

02:09:43.000 But that's the joke thief way.

02:09:45.000 That's what joke thieves do. 0.98

02:09:46.000 They take your premise and then they change it enough so that they can get away with it because they made it better.

02:09:51.000 Yeah.

02:09:52.000 They just add more to the back end. 0.92

02:09:53.000 So let's hear the Robert Plant part.

02:09:55.000 Okay, hold on a second.

02:09:56.000 Okay.

02:09:58.000 Yeah, I mean, that's almost like exactly.

02:10:01.000 Except for that.

02:10:08.000 Well, those are the...

02:10:09.000 In Jake's version, those are chords.

02:10:12.000 On this, he's scaling a guitar.

02:10:14.000 It's not true.

02:10:23.000 Come on.

02:10:24.000 It's beautiful. 1.00

02:10:26.000 I want to fuck him and I'm a guy. 1.00

02:10:27.000 But I'm telling you, these guys have such better access. 1.00

02:10:38.000 You would be in love.

02:10:42.000 If you were in the audience and you saw this, you'd be in love.

02:10:47.000 You'd be so enthralled. 0.99

02:10:49.000 Especially 1971 or whatever the fuck it was. 0.94

02:10:52.000 Yeah. 0.91

02:10:54.000 It's beautiful.

02:10:59.000 But it's a rip-off for sure.

02:11:01.000 Yeah, definitely. 0.99

02:11:02.000 Rip-fucking-off. 0.90

02:11:05.000 This one I thought was kind of messed up because this guy even toured, I guess, with Zeppelin. 0.96

02:11:11.000 That's the true Mencia.

02:11:12.000 That's the Ari Shafir opening.

02:11:15.000 It's called the Freddy Soto.

02:11:16.000 This is a group called Taurus in the song Spirit, and it's the one that they're saying is from Stairway to Heaven.

02:11:23.000 So here is Spirit first.

02:11:28.000 Look how weird they look.

02:11:29.000 See, these are the people that don't make it, the ones that look a little weird.

02:11:33.000 They wanted a pretty boy.

02:11:36.000 Yeah, that guy looks like in Rigo Montoya. 0.99

02:11:38.000 You killed my parents. 0.99

02:11:39.000 You killed my father. 1.00

02:11:41.000 Prepare to die. 1.00

02:11:44.000 In Ego. 0.98

02:11:49.000 Come on.

02:11:50.000 Getting all dramatic.

02:11:52.000 Dude, don't hate on the man's art.

02:11:56.000 They're strange looking guys.

02:11:57.000 I sort of like it.

02:11:57.000 It's scary.

02:11:59.000 He's got a funky mustache on one side and the other dude is bald-headed. 0.99

02:12:02.000 You couldn't be bald-headed in 1971 or whatever the fuck this was. 0.99

02:12:12.000 Oh god. 0.98

02:12:15.000 Oh Led Zeppelin.

02:12:18.000 Oh my god.

02:12:25.000 Oh my god.

02:12:29.000 And she's buying a stairway to heaven.

02:12:37.000 Please don't steal our song.

02:12:43.000 Oh my god.

02:12:46.000 Where's this song though?

02:12:48.000 This is all music right now.

02:12:49.000 I'm pretty sure that this song doesn't...

02:12:52.000 Wait, does it not have lyrics?

02:12:54.000 I think this was a known lyric song.

02:12:57.000 Really?

02:13:00.000 Well, they got weird.

02:13:03.000 But it's their creation.

02:13:04.000 They took it to a weird place.

02:13:06.000 That is the spirit of the song.

02:13:09.000 Yeah, right there.

02:13:10.000 Totally.

02:13:11.000 Absolutely.

02:13:12.000 That's the song.

02:13:12.000 Yeah, I mean, that's where it's easy.

02:13:14.000 When you hear something like this and you just sort of create, and she's buying the stairway.

02:13:20.000 See, because, like, you feel how it bugs you, or how it hits you, rather, and then you add your creativity to it.

02:13:28.000 Right.

02:13:29.000 The writing, the...

02:13:31.000 Oh, God, that's it.

02:13:32.000 Yeah.

02:13:33.000 And the lyrics isn't the hardest part of a song.

02:13:36.000 The hardest part of a song is that part, is that backbone, that spinal cord of what's original, what's different. 0.55

02:13:43.000 I would have assumed that you're right, but I don't know jack shit about music. 0.59

02:13:47.000 How much do you know about music? 0.94

02:13:49.000 Pretty good amount.

02:13:50.000 Can you play things?

02:13:51.000 I can play a lot of things, yeah.

02:13:52.000 Wow.

02:13:53.000 Can you do piano?

02:13:54.000 I have what they call perfect pitch, you know what that is?

02:13:56.000 Your girl?

02:13:57.000 No.

02:13:58.000 No, perfect pitch is like one or two percent of, and they don't know why, it's not like genetic or anything, but one or two percent of people can hear music like exactly so that if I play something or if I'm in front of an instrument, I can remember where that sound is and know that it's a hard thing to explain,

02:14:17.000 but I can hear the exact tone of each.

02:14:21.000 How do you know?

02:14:23.000 You find out when, if you take piano lessons, people that play by ear often have perfect pitch, if you've ever heard that term.

02:14:34.000 There's people that can read music and play, and then there's people that can really play.

02:14:41.000 So perfect pitch is a perception thing.

02:14:43.000 I thought it was a singing thing.

02:14:46.000 It's not a sound that you make.

02:14:48.000 Let's say that it's singing, for example.

02:14:50.000 I know if I hit the note exactly.

02:14:53.000 So it makes it a lot easier to hit the note if you know that...

02:14:57.000 Huh.

02:14:58.000 I thought it was an ability thing.

02:15:00.000 Like hitting notes.

02:15:01.000 I didn't know it was being able to perceive it.

02:15:04.000 I thought it was just a sound.

02:15:05.000 You can't make a sound.

02:15:06.000 You can learn it.

02:15:09.000 Not perfect pitch, but you can learn how to make a sound.

02:15:12.000 Can you?

02:15:13.000 Totally?

02:15:14.000 I mean, do you have limitations on...

02:15:15.000 Like, I don't think I could ever be a good singer.

02:15:17.000 I really don't think I have any singing talent.

02:15:19.000 Oh, you'd be surprised.

02:15:21.000 Like, Vicky Lewis, who is on news radio, has an insane voice. 1.00

02:15:24.000 Like, insane, like, opera-level voice.

02:15:26.000 Like, she can... 0.54

02:15:27.000 And I would, like, joke around, try to sing, and she would get offended. 0.94

02:15:31.000 It was disgusting to her.

02:15:33.000 Because my clunky voice... 0.62

02:15:36.000 I just...

02:15:36.000 I don't...

02:15:37.000 I can't just hit...

02:15:38.000 But I've met people that...

02:15:40.000 They don't even sing for a living, but they sound beautiful when they're singing.

02:15:44.000 Right.

02:15:45.000 Well, it all depends.

02:15:47.000 Everybody should just try to sing like themselves.

02:15:49.000 I just learned about this stuff recently, the singing part of things, for that one thing that I didn't get.

02:15:54.000 Anyway, but you have to sing in your singing voice.

02:15:59.000 You know how all the singers sound different?

02:16:01.000 Clapton and Tom Petty, hey, how's everybody doing it?

02:16:04.000 He doesn't try to sing like, la, [...

02:16:07.000 He just goes with it.

02:16:08.000 She's an American girl.

02:16:10.000 You know what I mean?

02:16:11.000 Right, right, right.

02:16:11.000 That's a good example.

02:16:13.000 Right. 0.99

02:16:13.000 So if you sing how you sound, instead of trying to sing what we think a good singer sounds like, then you can kill it. 0.99

02:16:20.000 Because everybody sounds different.

02:16:22.000 Phil Collins sounds different than Roger Waters.

02:16:24.000 Chris Cornell.

02:16:24.000 He's different than David Gilmore, Robert Plant.

02:16:27.000 Yeah.

02:16:27.000 I knew this dude who was in a band, and he was a super cocky dude.

02:16:30.000 And then I finally listened to his music. 0.93

02:16:33.000 He's cocky, bordering douchey.

02:16:35.000 And I listened to his music, and the guy sounded exactly like Chris Cornell. 1.00

02:16:40.000 And when I say exactly, I mean fucking exactly. 0.86

02:16:43.000 I thought it was like some lost Soundgarden song from the early days. 0.95

02:16:46.000 I was listening to the exact same...

02:16:48.000 It was like me doing a Joey Diaz impression.

02:16:52.000 Yeah. 0.97

02:16:52.000 If I just started talking like Joey Diaz on stage, if I went on stage and just pretended this is me now, and now, what's up, cocksuckers? 0.97

02:16:59.000 Where you at, bitch? 1.00

02:17:01.000 Come on! 1.00

02:17:01.000 You would go, oh my god, he's doing a Joey Diaz impression. 1.00

02:17:05.000 That's how much this guy sounded like Chris Cornell.

02:17:08.000 Oh yeah.

02:17:08.000 We got your voodoo pananny.

02:17:13.000 Don't play that.

02:17:14.000 How dare you.

02:17:16.000 Different voices are fun.

02:17:17.000 That's why I like the Crash Test Dummies.

02:17:19.000 You ever heard of them?

02:17:20.000 Yeah.

02:17:20.000 The guy talks like this and everything, so when the song comes in, it's like a totally different...

02:17:25.000 You can't fuck with chicks, though. 0.99

02:17:27.000 Chicks have the best sounding voices, in my opinion. 1.00

02:17:29.000 I mean, I like Robert Plant.

02:17:31.000 He's got a badass voice, but Janis Joplin...

02:17:33.000 If I had to choose between listening to Janis Joplin sing a song, or Robert Plant...

02:17:37.000 Oh, yeah.

02:17:38.000 That chick that sings Goldfinger? 0.99

02:17:40.000 Dude, pull up, take another little piece of my heart.

02:17:46.000 Why are you laughing?

02:17:47.000 You don't know that Janis Joplin song?

02:17:49.000 Oh, it's great.

02:17:50.000 Dude.

02:17:51.000 Come on, take it! 1.00

02:17:54.000 She was a fucking genius. 1.00

02:17:56.000 Or me and Bobby McGee? 1.00

02:17:57.000 That's another one.

02:17:58.000 I like roller skates. 1.00

02:17:59.000 She was a goddamn genius. 0.99

02:18:01.000 Yeah, roller skates is great. 1.00

02:18:03.000 When I've got a brand new pair of roller skates.

02:18:07.000 Yeah, that's right.

02:18:08.000 Or the Beamer song.

02:18:09.000 Or is it Mercedes Benz?

02:18:11.000 Oh, Lord.

02:18:14.000 Listen to this. 0.99

02:18:19.000 When I see shit like this, when I listen to this, I see in my head a documentary on the 60s. 0.99

02:18:25.000 That's what I see. 1.00

02:18:26.000 A politician talking about, these were innocent times.

02:18:30.000 People were embracing this new wave of being that was sweeping the nation.

02:18:38.000 And we were a part of it.

02:18:40.000 We were at ground zero.

02:18:41.000 It was Berkeley.

02:18:42.000 It was 1969. And it was all going on.

02:18:47.000 It was the freedom of summer.

02:18:49.000 Crank her up, crank her up. 1.00

02:18:51.000 Listen to this. 1.00

02:18:53.000 God damn! 1.00

02:19:16.000 You know one of the things that's so badass about her? 1.00

02:19:19.000 When she would sing, the pain in her voice, like the emotions in her voice, that chick had experienced a lot of shit. 0.99

02:19:30.000 She's one of those ones that would get into it too. 1.00

02:19:32.000 She'd put her whole body into it, close her eyes, really get lost in it. 0.99

02:19:41.000 And she was ugly. 1.00

02:19:42.000 Yeah, she was ugly and she hooked up with a lot of rock stars. 1.00

02:19:46.000 Good for her. 0.96

02:19:46.000 Big time. 0.96

02:19:47.000 Good for her. 1.00

02:19:48.000 Even though she was ugly, every guy wanted a banger because they're like that fucking voice. 1.00

02:19:52.000 She's got no tits, no ass in the face of a guitar. 1.00

02:19:57.000 A male Charlie Brown or a female Charlie Brown. 1.00

02:19:59.000 Yeah.

02:20:00.000 She was awesome.

02:20:01.000 Come on.

02:20:02.000 Joey Diaz.

02:20:03.000 That is scary.

02:20:04.000 Oh my god.

02:20:05.000 Is that her?

02:20:06.000 Is that The Exorcist?

02:20:07.000 That's her. 0.88

02:20:08.000 She looks like... 0.77

02:20:09.000 Get a good picture of her.

02:20:11.000 Find a good picture of her. 0.93

02:20:14.000 And I say ugly like, she's better looking than me. 1.00

02:20:18.000 If I was a girl. 0.96

02:20:19.000 I don't know.

02:20:20.000 She's pretty scary. 1.00

02:20:21.000 Probably lick your ass instead of hers. 1.00

02:20:24.000 I think you'd probably lick my ass, period. 1.00

02:20:26.000 Just for a story. 1.00

02:20:28.000 Just to be able to go on Kill Tony and talk about it.

02:20:34.000 She was okay.

02:20:35.000 Put up a good one.

02:20:37.000 Oh my gosh.

02:20:38.000 She's a cutie. 1.00

02:20:40.000 She's a cutie. 1.00

02:20:41.000 If you were on acid, you'd see her soul.

02:20:42.000 You'd love her soul.

02:20:43.000 Her soul is beautiful.

02:20:44.000 It's complex, like an old wine.

02:20:45.000 She's got that face fuzz, I bet. 1.00

02:20:48.000 How dare you?

02:20:49.000 Oh, yeah.

02:20:50.000 Her teeth were a little crooked, but other than that, she's a fine-looking gal. 0.99

02:20:53.000 Everything's crooked.

02:20:54.000 Look at that thing. 0.92

02:20:55.000 She's rude. 1.00

02:20:56.000 She's got dimples on one side of her face.

02:20:58.000 If I had to choose one woman to listen to sing, she's up there. 1.00

02:21:01.000 Amy Winehouse.

02:21:02.000 She's up there, too. 1.00

02:21:03.000 Suzanne Santo from Honey Honey is right at the top of the goddamn list. 1.00

02:21:06.000 She's got some new songs. 0.98

02:21:08.000 I wish we could play them, but she didn't give me permission. 0.99

02:21:10.000 I'd play some of her new shit. 1.00

02:21:12.000 Goddamn, dude. 1.00

02:21:13.000 Black women, man. 1.00

02:21:14.000 I wonder if she'd let us.

02:21:15.000 I think she'd let us play.

02:21:16.000 Are we allowed to?

02:21:18.000 Black women have this thing where they have the most powerful vocal cords. 1.00

02:21:24.000 That lady that sings Goldfinger from Bond, did you ever see that live performance at the Oscars or Emmys a couple years ago?

02:21:30.000 She got a standing O afterwards.

02:21:32.000 Who is she? 0.99

02:21:33.000 I can't believe I can't think of her name.

02:21:36.000 She's the... 1.00

02:21:38.000 She's like the most respected...

02:21:40.000 Grace Jones.

02:21:43.000 Something like that.

02:21:44.000 Is that her?

02:21:44.000 If you look up Goldfinger...

02:21:46.000 Grace Jones was that black chick with the crazy haircut. 1.00

02:21:49.000 Yeah, like that Max Hedrum, black Max Hedrum. 0.99

02:21:53.000 Grace Jones, she used to date Dolph Lundgren.

02:21:56.000 Shirley Bassey.

02:21:57.000 Yeah!

02:21:59.000 Shirley Bassett, right? 1.00

02:22:01.000 She's a cold-blooded killer. 1.00

02:22:03.000 This is one where she goes... 0.96

02:22:04.000 And when she does that, she's standing and when she can clench her arms and it makes the sound come from...

02:22:11.000 Goldfinger!

02:22:13.000 Goldfinger!

02:22:15.000 She can go low and then go low to high. 1.00

02:22:18.000 Her range, which is a thing.

02:22:20.000 Some people can do high, some people can do low. 0.89

02:22:23.000 She's one of those monsters. 1.00

02:22:25.000 A lot of those guys clapped in Pink Floyd.

02:22:27.000 They'd only work with Black Boner or something. 1.00

02:22:30.000 Yeah.

02:22:31.000 Boner.

02:22:31.000 That's what it was.

02:22:32.000 Everything sounds better with a half boner. 0.91

02:22:34.000 Yeah.

02:22:34.000 Pull up Honey Honey Angel of Death when they were live on the roof.

02:22:39.000 This video that they did.

02:22:40.000 I wanted to play one of their new songs, but I can't get permission.

02:22:43.000 So until I hear from her, I sent her a text.

02:22:45.000 If she texts me back during the show, we'll try to play it.

02:22:48.000 Wow.

02:22:49.000 We'll play the video we're in.

02:22:50.000 Yeah, that's Angel of Death, but don't play that one.

02:22:52.000 Play the live one on the roof, because the live one on the roof is acoustic, so you really get a chance to hear her voice.

02:22:58.000 This isn't it, Brian.

02:23:00.000 Is it?

02:23:00.000 Yeah.

02:23:00.000 Okay.

02:23:04.000 That's Tony chirping.

02:23:06.000 That's me.

02:23:08.000 Yeah, this is how I found out about these guys.

02:23:10.000 They're moving back to L.A. They gave up on Nashville.

02:23:13.000 God.

02:23:14.000 They heard a few too many N-bombs, and they were like, oh, we're still in Tennessee.

02:23:18.000 This is called Angel of Death.

02:23:45.000 Isn't this an old village people song?

02:23:52.000 We'll just become the same thing And never spend a single day apart Yes, I guess there have been many others And yes,

02:24:16.000 I've treated them the same as I need to

02:24:46.000 see them live again.

02:24:48.000 Yeah, they're moving back here, so we'll get to see them for sure.

02:24:51.000 So I'll be back.

02:24:52.000 Yeah, she's the best.

02:24:53.000 They have a new tour out.

02:24:55.000 Yeah, if you go to honeyhoneyband.com, they have their schedule up. 0.92

02:25:01.000 They're fucking awesome.

02:25:02.000 And Ben is the coolest guy. 0.94

02:25:03.000 He's so nice.

02:25:05.000 He's such an interesting, funny dude, too.

02:25:06.000 He's a cool guy to be around. 0.91

02:25:08.000 It's interesting knowing people that can do shit that you don't have any interest in pursuing. 0.97

02:25:13.000 You get to just watch it as an observer. 0.96

02:25:15.000 That's how I feel about music.

02:25:19.000 Music is not something I ever wanted to pursue, so when I watch people do it and do it really good, I find it super inspiring.

02:25:25.000 I never would have gotten into it at all.

02:25:28.000 However, I lived in such a bad neighborhood.

02:25:31.000 I grew up in such a...

02:25:32.000 the worst corner of one of the most dangerous cities in the country.

02:25:36.000 For years it's been dangerous.

02:25:37.000 But when I was growing up, it was the most dangerous.

02:25:40.000 What?

02:25:40.000 Just houses getting arsoned everywhere.

02:25:42.000 It makes Detroit look like, you know...

02:25:44.000 What place?

02:25:44.000 Youngstown, Ohio.

02:25:45.000 Yeah, that's a bad spot.

02:25:46.000 Very dangerous. 0.98

02:25:47.000 The mafia versus the black gangs and the black gangs versus everybody. 0.99

02:25:52.000 Notoriously one of the worst cities to live in year after year. 0.99

02:25:55.000 But anyway...

02:25:56.000 Yeah.

02:26:15.000 Since there weren't bars in the windows, my mom had an old upright piano that leaned up against those windows, so light wouldn't even come through the windows.

02:26:24.000 The only thing that would block those windows was an upright piano.

02:26:28.000 So there was always an upright piano in the dining room when I was being raised, so I'd play it and just goof around on it as a kid.

02:26:34.000 But sure enough, just to show you how bad of a neighborhood I lived in, one time, because there weren't bars on the windows, a guy with like an axe started breaking through that window and broke all the way through a piano, an upright piano.

02:26:46.000 If you know anything about the guts of a piano, I mean, first of all, the outside's made of crazy old wood and this and that, and it's all wood on the inside, but there's all these metal strings and everything, and they broke all the way through the piano.

02:26:57.000 That's Youngstown for you, just...

02:26:59.000 The guy that started, he's like, God, I've got to be close now, broke through the middle of an upright piano.

02:27:05.000 And what happened?

02:27:06.000 Did he get inside your house?

02:27:07.000 I remember.

02:27:08.000 They got inside my house.

02:27:09.000 They stole my Nintendo and the VCR, which now would be, I mean, the oldest Nintendo, the regular Nintendo and a VCR. Probably today's like $20 worth of stuff.

02:27:19.000 How old were you then?

02:27:21.000 I remember pretty specifically.

02:27:23.000 I know I was close to probably about third, fourth, or fifth grade, right in there.

02:27:26.000 Wow.

02:27:26.000 I know that because my first grade play, Christmas play, was in the VCR. It was so funny.

02:27:34.000 Everybody in the family used to watch it because it was so stupid. 1.00

02:27:38.000 I was a star and I had a giant head and I was so unacceptable. 0.99

02:27:42.000 They didn't want to give me a good roll so they just put a star around my neck with a string.

02:27:48.000 So we'd always watch it because it'd be funny and that was in the VCR when they stole it and there was no way to get that back.

02:27:54.000 That's why it really stuck out.

02:27:56.000 That's gotta be a weird feeling too, to feel that vulnerable, like someone could break into your house.

02:27:59.000 Every night.

02:28:00.000 I was scared every single night.

02:28:02.000 Every single night I went to bed afraid.

02:28:04.000 We caught somebody breaking into my house when I was...

02:28:06.000 Really?

02:28:07.000 I guess it was like...

02:28:08.000 They weren't...

02:28:09.000 No, I should correct it.

02:28:11.000 They weren't breaking into my house, they were breaking into our car, which is right by the window.

02:28:15.000 And I'm sure somebody probably would have broken into our house, but we were home.

02:28:19.000 They probably knew we were home.

02:28:20.000 I lived in the Jamaica Plain, which was not nearly as bad as Youngstown, but it was sketchy. 0.99

02:28:26.000 Now it's all gentrified, but back then it was pretty fucked up. 0.97

02:28:29.000 We caught this dude who was right outside my window. 0.98

02:28:31.000 He's breaking into a car.

02:28:32.000 I remember seeing him run.

02:28:35.000 My stepfather opened up the window and yelled something or something.

02:28:38.000 I forget.

02:28:38.000 There was some sort of an altercation.

02:28:39.000 Like, hey, get the fuck out of there. 0.98

02:28:41.000 And then I remember looking down. 0.95

02:28:43.000 My bedroom window was above the car.

02:28:45.000 Looking down and seeing this guy run off. 0.97

02:28:46.000 I was like, this is fucking weird. 0.98

02:28:48.000 It's scary. 0.94

02:28:50.000 It's really gross when you realize that somebody could mess with your stuff Well, it's that weird feeling, too.

02:28:57.000 Like, you know, you hear noises, and then you think this might really be someone breaking in this time.

02:29:01.000 B&Es, that's what they would call them. 0.99

02:29:02.000 Kids in the neighborhood would do it all the time.

02:29:04.000 Oh, you know, he's been to juvie for a B&E. It was like normal, breaking and entering.

02:29:09.000 Yeah.

02:29:10.000 Normal.

02:29:11.000 Brian's thinking about bacon and eggs over there.

02:29:14.000 Very few murders.

02:29:15.000 Just a lot of crime.

02:29:16.000 But it was possible to get murdered. 1.00

02:29:18.000 You know, when you have a bunch of fucking creepy people that have been in jail a bunch of times, and they're around a bunch of other creepy people, and there's a lot of poverty, and a lot of drugs, and fucking shit happens, man. 1.00

02:29:28.000 It all becomes acceptable. 0.99

02:29:30.000 And then the little brothers and the younger people see their older brothers doing it, and they think it's cool, and that that's a part of life, and then You know, it's crazy.

02:29:39.000 It's also a way guys make money, you know?

02:29:41.000 Let's be honest.

02:29:42.000 Break into someone's house, you steal their TV, and now you have a thousand bucks. 1.00

02:29:45.000 Like, holy shit. 1.00

02:29:46.000 It's fucked. 1.00

02:29:48.000 That doesn't happen too much in rich neighborhoods. 1.00

02:29:50.000 Rich neighborhoods, dudes very rarely break into each other's houses.

02:29:53.000 Super rare.

02:29:54.000 Yeah.

02:29:55.000 It's something that only happens if one person's got something, the other person wants it. 1.00

02:29:59.000 When you can get your own shit, shit doesn't mean as much. 0.99

02:30:02.000 It becomes a different thing. 1.00

02:30:03.000 It becomes something how you judge each other. 1.00

02:30:05.000 That's where it's stupid, but... 1.00

02:30:07.000 A lot fucking better than living in poverty. 1.00

02:30:09.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:30:11.000 Yeah, it was crazy.

02:30:12.000 Youngstown had a lot of boxers come out of there.

02:30:14.000 A lot of them.

02:30:14.000 Boom Boom Mancini.

02:30:16.000 Kelly the Ghost Pavlik.

02:30:17.000 Yeah, Kelly Pavlik.

02:30:18.000 Harry Arroyo.

02:30:19.000 Harry Arroyo.

02:30:20.000 Wow.

02:30:21.000 Kelly Pavlik had my favorite fight that I've ever seen in all of boxing.

02:30:24.000 The Jermaine Taylor fight?

02:30:25.000 Yeah.

02:30:26.000 Yeah.

02:30:26.000 Got knocked down twice.

02:30:28.000 Neither one of them had ever been knocked down in their entire professional career.

02:30:33.000 Not once.

02:30:33.000 And they both went down twice.

02:30:35.000 It was a great fight.

02:30:36.000 Pavlik was a beast.

02:30:38.000 Liked the booze, though. 0.97

02:30:39.000 That's it. 1.00

02:30:40.000 Yeah, that'll fuck you, man. 1.00

02:30:41.000 But again, I think a lot of these guys that like the booze, part of it is just the pressure. 0.99

02:30:46.000 The pressure of being a professional fighter has got to be so staggering.

02:30:50.000 And in Youngstown, that's what you're taught, is drink the pain away.

02:30:55.000 Every time he would go back home, he was the king.

02:30:58.000 Of Youngstown.

02:31:00.000 And when you do that, you're just hanging out at bars with your friends.

02:31:02.000 Anyway, and every single person that walks in, hey, let me buy you a drink.

02:31:06.000 It's months until your next fight.

02:31:08.000 You know, they don't realize he's a professional athlete and he needs to maintain...

02:31:10.000 Come on, Kelly.

02:31:11.000 What are you, too good for us now?

02:31:13.000 That's exactly how everybody talks.

02:31:14.000 Too good for a jack. 0.99

02:31:16.000 Come on, Kelly.

02:31:16.000 Let me buy you a drink.

02:31:18.000 Jack on the rocks.

02:31:19.000 Come on, Kelly.

02:31:19.000 White Castle.

02:31:20.000 A little big whiskey in a beer.

02:31:22.000 It ain't gonna hurt ya.

02:31:22.000 You know, I didn't know that White Castle had tiny food the first time I went there.

02:31:27.000 And so I got it to go.

02:31:29.000 I got it to go.

02:31:31.000 I remember specifically, I was at my brother's apartment in Columbus visiting him in college.

02:31:35.000 Went to the White Castle.

02:31:36.000 He was at work across the street.

02:31:37.000 Got a burger and fries to go.

02:31:39.000 Went back and I was so disappointed because I was starving.

02:31:43.000 Went back and got three or four more burgers.

02:31:45.000 Oh, yeah.

02:31:47.000 Those were the days.

02:31:48.000 Yeah, I had to get away with that.

02:31:49.000 Just making a little tiny burger.

02:31:51.000 Super cheap.

02:31:51.000 A one-bite burger.

02:31:52.000 There used to be a nickel or something like that back in the day.

02:31:55.000 And that was the whole thing.

02:31:56.000 Like, get a nickel burger.

02:31:57.000 You know, but it was a smaller burger.

02:31:58.000 Yeah, but how many of those equal like a 20?

02:32:00.000 Was a regular burger a quarter back then?

02:32:02.000 How much was a regular burger?

02:32:03.000 Yeah, probably.

02:32:03.000 It was probably more expensive.

02:32:05.000 It was probably some kind of marketing thing.

02:32:06.000 Like, no, we got really cheap burgers.

02:32:08.000 Smart.

02:32:08.000 Get your knickled bagger here.

02:32:10.000 Breaking news.

02:32:11.000 Joe, did you see that thing I posted the other day?

02:32:12.000 Did you know the USPS or the post office used to deliver kids?

02:32:17.000 They used to put the postage on the kid and these carriers would have these babies and they would just take them on the train with them and then it started getting out more.

02:32:28.000 Wait a minute.

02:32:29.000 Did you Snopes this?

02:32:30.000 Yeah.

02:32:30.000 It's real.

02:32:31.000 Totally real?

02:32:31.000 I'll show you.

02:32:32.000 They sent babies through the mail?

02:32:34.000 There's photos of it.

02:32:36.000 What year was this?

02:32:37.000 Baby.

02:32:39.000 Oh, so people were just worried their baby was going to get eaten by wolves back then.

02:32:42.000 They took a chance at the post office.

02:32:44.000 Yeah, but the people that would deliver them, the photo that I'm going to show you, is like the creepiest of all child molesters. 0.57

02:32:49.000 Stealing babies. 0.98

02:32:50.000 When you couldn't track shit online, you know, who knows where your baby is. 0.99

02:32:54.000 Right. 0.98

02:32:54.000 They can just do whatever they want with your baby for a couple of days. 0.98

02:32:57.000 Takes a while to get your baby over there. 0.95

02:32:59.000 Are you sure male babies wasn't spelled M-A-L-E? Like you weren't looking at...

02:33:03.000 Wow, that's a mail carrier with a fucking kid. 1.00

02:33:07.000 That's insane. 1.00

02:33:08.000 They would have stamps on it.

02:33:10.000 What does it say about the text making it illegal?

02:33:13.000 1913, it was...

02:33:13.000 Scroll back.

02:33:15.000 You wanna go up?

02:33:16.000 Yeah, where it was.

02:33:35.000 It didn't take long to get a law on the books making it illegal to send children in the mail.

02:33:39.000 Wow.

02:33:39.000 That's crazy.

02:33:40.000 They should make it legal again to keep the U.S. Postal Service bumping.

02:33:43.000 Keep them in business?

02:33:46.000 Yeah.

02:33:47.000 Yeah.

02:33:47.000 Postal Service is not doing so good anymore.

02:33:49.000 Can you imagine if you made your business on sending letters? 0.98

02:33:53.000 You're like, look, the post office is fucking slow. 0.96

02:33:55.000 Okay? 0.98

02:33:55.000 I can get a letter to your friend in a day. 0.98

02:33:57.000 Like, if you have something to say to him, just letters, no packages, I can get it to him.

02:34:01.000 And all of a sudden the internet comes along and the email comes along and you're like... 1.00

02:34:04.000 Fuck my business. 1.00

02:34:05.000 Exactly. 1.00

02:34:06.000 Imagine the guy just 15 years ago that put all his money into mail.

02:34:12.000 He's like, well, there's one thing that will definitely never go away.

02:34:16.000 Listen, people are always going to need to send letters in a timely fashion.

02:34:21.000 Taxes, letters, and trains.

02:34:23.000 Three things that will never go away.

02:34:25.000 No one saw tax messages coming.

02:34:27.000 No one saw any of that coming.

02:34:28.000 Right. 0.98

02:34:29.000 And the idea that you could get all your email on your phone, your phone weighs a fucking ounce, and you keep it in your pocket. 0.84

02:34:34.000 The fact that anything is coming in the mail is weird. 0.94

02:34:38.000 Everything should be digital.

02:34:40.000 Well, I think that they're going to have two forms of delivery.

02:34:43.000 They're going to use drones, and they're going to use 3D printing.

02:34:46.000 I think that's what's going to be a lot of products in the future.

02:34:49.000 Oh, yeah.

02:34:49.000 I think you're going to have some sort of a box in your house about the size of regular home...

02:34:53.000 Computer printer need a bigger one for bigger things, but you're just gonna own like you're gonna use like Bitcoin to buy the directions or buy the ingredients or buy the Schematic whatever you download that schematic into your your computer press print and that fucker just develops it right there in your box That's gonna happen and the drones will have little every house will have a little chimney drop where the drone just you know goddamn Santa Claus Yep. 0.94

02:35:18.000 Say like you left your iPhone at home or your phone at home, right?

02:35:22.000 It's going to know your phone and say like, hey, I need you to send me my phone.

02:35:26.000 So you would have to put it in a box because you only have one license for that phone.

02:35:30.000 And then it will reprint it wherever you want it.

02:35:32.000 And destroy your original one.

02:35:34.000 Destroy the original one because you only have one license.

02:35:35.000 What if it becomes like a clone?

02:35:37.000 Remember when you get a VCR tape that somebody made off of a VCR tape and it was kind of whack?

02:35:41.000 And it's like, ah, this phone's not so good.

02:35:43.000 It's a clone.

02:35:44.000 It's a clone of your phone.

02:35:45.000 A 3D printed clone.

02:35:47.000 With all the data downloaded from the cloud.

02:35:49.000 Every time you drop your phone there, you're like, yeah, I just need to send my phone again and get it reprinted.

02:35:53.000 Yeah, you just get a new phone whenever the new ones came out.

02:35:55.000 Yeah, man, I got the new iClone 6. Well, you know what would be really dope?

02:35:59.000 If you could take old phones and you throw them into the computer and it eats them up and builds a new phone.

02:36:05.000 Whenever a new schematic comes up, it can actually extract and recycle the components of the device.

02:36:11.000 Or a car.

02:36:12.000 Every day you go, I want to drive today, I want to drive a Porsche.

02:36:15.000 Tomorrow I want to drive some...

02:36:18.000 You're just going to print out your car.

02:36:21.000 By the time we're printing out cars, we're not going to even have cars anymore.

02:36:24.000 We're going to have a little thing that you just get in that looks like an egg, pretty much, and you're just going to sit in it.

02:36:30.000 Destination today.

02:36:31.000 I don't even know why I'm doing that.

02:36:33.000 You're already in the thing.

02:36:34.000 I want to go to the roller coaster park.

02:36:40.000 Do you want to go to the rollercoaster park 37 miles away?

02:36:43.000 Yes.

02:36:45.000 You can make it so that it won't hit anything else.

02:36:49.000 I'll do you one better.

02:36:50.000 I think we're going to transcend physical reality.

02:36:53.000 That's what I think.

02:36:54.000 They're going to develop an artificial reality that is more complex and more rewarding than the physical reality.

02:36:59.000 And so no one will exist in the physical reality anymore.

02:37:02.000 It will all be even maintained from this artificial reality.

02:37:06.000 We will maintain this dimension from an alternative dimension that we create. 0.93

02:37:09.000 And children will be born instantaneously into this alternative dimension because the fucking fear upon fears is that your kid will be born in the natural world. 0.99

02:37:17.000 It will get eaten by animals. 1.00

02:37:18.000 Fuck that! 1.00

02:37:19.000 There will be no children born. 1.00

02:37:21.000 We're going to figure out a way to transcend the physical reality.

02:37:23.000 So whatever consciousness is when it's created, when a man and a woman have sex and a baby comes out of the woman's body, that baby will immediately be transported into an alternative dimension as it's being born.

02:37:34.000 We're already in it.

02:37:35.000 Maybe.

02:37:36.000 I saw your post the other day, a Bugs Life thing.

02:37:39.000 Yeah.

02:37:40.000 I had just taken all my DVDs out and reorganized them and I had just looked at Bugs Life because I lost the DVD and I don't know where it is.

02:37:47.000 Yeah, I had a dream about Dave Foley.

02:37:49.000 I was one time in Bear Camp.

02:37:51.000 I was in Bear Camp.

02:37:52.000 And I was dreaming that Dave Foley was healthy and he was thin and smiley.

02:37:59.000 Yeah, it was like when I knew him in 1994 when I first met him on news radio.

02:38:03.000 And then I got up in the morning and I went upstairs and I sat down in front of the TV and A Bug's Life came on.

02:38:09.000 And it was Dave Foley's voice.

02:38:11.000 I was like, wow, this is weird.

02:38:13.000 Wow.

02:38:13.000 Because he did that like around the same time we were doing news radio.

02:38:16.000 That guy, if I feel bad about any guy getting fucked in a divorce proceeding, you want to find the worst case scenario. 0.95

02:38:25.000 I mean, not worst. 0.98

02:38:26.000 I guess worst was Phil Hartman. 1.00

02:38:27.000 His fucking wife killed him when he's sleeping. 1.00

02:38:29.000 But close to worst of a guy getting fucked over by divorce and alimony laws. 1.00

02:38:35.000 And child support laws. 0.98

02:38:36.000 Look up Dave Foley.

02:38:38.000 Look up Dave Foley discusses child support and alimony from our podcast because it was heartbreaking.

02:38:45.000 Because they got him locked into a payment schedule based on what he was making when he was on news radio, which was a crazy amount of money.

02:38:52.000 He was on NBC. He was on a sitcom, and he was one of the big stars of it, coming from Kids in the Hall.

02:38:57.000 He was a well-known comedian.

02:38:59.000 They gave him this great big deal, and the show was sort of written around him and Phil Hartman.

02:39:05.000 And you can't expect to make that kind of money your whole life.

02:39:08.000 It's incredible.

02:39:09.000 It's an amazing opportunity.

02:39:11.000 But the idea of a sitcom is it's a once-in-a-lifetime thing.

02:39:14.000 Very few people ever get one, and one that goes to syndication.

02:39:17.000 And what you should do is stockpile as much of that money as possible because the chances of getting another one are quite slim.

02:39:22.000 But that's not how the divorce laws look at it. 1.00

02:39:24.000 They look at it like, look, this is what you make.

02:39:26.000 You owe X amount of percentage of that.

02:39:28.000 So if all of a sudden you make, you went from a million dollars a year or whatever to a hundred thousand dollars a year, you still have to pay a half a million dollars a year. 0.93

02:39:37.000 Like you still, whatever the fuck it was, make up a number. 0.97

02:39:40.000 Wow, that's crazy. 0.98

02:39:41.000 So he developed more than, it was more than a half a million dollars in debt that he could not pay off.

02:39:47.000 I mean, I don't know what it was, but I remember at one time it was a half a million.

02:39:50.000 It was compiling and he couldn't get into the country because if he went to Canada, they would arrest him. 1.00

02:39:55.000 I mean, crazy fucking shit. 1.00

02:39:57.000 He was having meetings. 1.00

02:39:58.000 They refused to reduce the amount of money that he had to pay.

02:40:01.000 And it's not like a matter of them getting money for food and money for housing and clothing, which totally makes sense.

02:40:08.000 It was exorbitant amounts of money.

02:40:10.000 And she was flying all over the country with his money and going to... 0.99

02:40:13.000 Foreign countries and spending all this money on redecorating the house.

02:40:16.000 He would talk about it.

02:40:16.000 It would drive him crazy.

02:40:18.000 It's a wild thing, because Canada doesn't let you get divorced as easy as you do in the United States.

02:40:23.000 You have to be separated from each other, at least at the time, for a year.

02:40:27.000 But during that year, she gets access to your bank account.

02:40:30.000 Because you have joint accounts.

02:40:32.000 So during that year, she would spend with impunity.

02:40:35.000 I mean, she would try to break him.

02:40:38.000 She would try to break him with her spending.

02:40:41.000 You know, he'd talk about it on the podcast, and you see the guy was just devastated by it.

02:40:46.000 Just devastated.

02:40:48.000 Like, that's a real extreme example.

02:40:50.000 Like, one of the most extreme examples.

02:40:52.000 Most of the time, you know, it's like we were saying that video earlier where that kid was getting beat up by that woman and he was doing the selfie and he's like, stop assaulting me.

02:41:01.000 And then when the cops came, she said that he assaulted her.

02:41:04.000 Thankfully, he had that video.

02:41:06.000 I think...

02:41:08.000 In a lot of cases, like when people split up and when people get angry.

02:41:12.000 People go from love to hate in pretty extreme variation.

02:41:17.000 It's like people who love each other.

02:41:20.000 When you don't love that person anymore or that person doesn't love you...

02:41:25.000 It's not just like you don't get along anymore, like friends that just say, I don't hang around with them anymore.

02:41:29.000 It's like they stole something from you.

02:41:31.000 They stole a piece of your happiness.

02:41:33.000 They stole a piece of your love. 1.00

02:41:35.000 And they get fucking angry, and they'll make shit up. 1.00

02:41:37.000 They'll say you touched your kids, you did a bunch of creepy shit to them. 1.00

02:41:40.000 You'll beat them up. 1.00

02:41:41.000 They'll beat themselves up and blame it on you. 1.00

02:41:43.000 They'll hit themselves with shit and blame it on you, knowing that most of the time cops are going to believe them because guys hit women all the time. 1.00

02:41:49.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:41:50.000 Scary. 1.00

02:41:51.000 Fucked. 0.99

02:41:52.000 To be stuck in a crazy situation like that where someone who you used to get intimate with now wants to lie and plot and do anything to drag you down. 0.99

02:42:00.000 Gotta have him back and see if he's happier now because that really did make me feel very sad when he was here.

02:42:05.000 Yeah, it made me sad too.

02:42:07.000 You know, I know he got a sitcom after that for a bit.

02:42:09.000 I did a comedy festival with Dave Foley just about two months ago.

02:42:15.000 Did you do stand-up?

02:42:16.000 Was he doing stand-up?

02:42:17.000 Yeah.

02:42:17.000 How was it?

02:42:18.000 Hilarious.

02:42:18.000 It was awesome.

02:42:19.000 He's a funny dude, man.

02:42:20.000 He could have been doing stand-up the whole time.

02:42:23.000 And we had a lot of fun.

02:42:24.000 He's always done sketch comedy, you know, and improv and stuff like that.

02:42:28.000 But he could have easily been a stand-up.

02:42:29.000 He's a very smart guy.

02:42:30.000 He's on a show now with Ken Jeong.

02:42:32.000 And Ken wants to come on the show also, so maybe we have both of them on.

02:42:35.000 Oh, yeah.

02:42:36.000 What show is it?

02:42:37.000 I don't know.

02:42:37.000 I've been seeing them on Facebook.

02:42:41.000 They're filming it.

02:42:42.000 Oh, ten minutes. 1.00

02:42:44.000 We've got to wrap this bitch up. 1.00

02:42:46.000 Tony motherfucking Hinchcliffe. 1.00

02:42:48.000 Time flies by when we shoot the shit. 1.00

02:42:51.000 We've got to get you on Keltony soon. 0.99

02:42:53.000 I would be happy to if you didn't do it in the Devil's Ball Sack.

02:42:56.000 A.K.A. the Comedy Store.

02:42:59.000 Come to a fucking respectable venue and I'll brace you with my services. 0.99

02:43:03.000 Of course. 1.00

02:43:04.000 Bring that bitch to the Ice House. 1.00

02:43:05.000 I'll do it at the Ice House. 1.00

02:43:06.000 But I can't go back to that place.

02:43:08.000 I just can't.

02:43:09.000 I know too much.

02:43:10.000 I know too much, Tony!

02:43:12.000 The next Friday you have open, we'll just make it a Kill Tony.

02:43:15.000 Yeah, okay, let's do it.

02:43:16.000 I would love to do that.

02:43:16.000 That'd be fun.

02:43:17.000 And if you haven't watched or listened to Kill Tony, you can catch it on DeathSquad.tv.

02:43:23.000 It's on iTunes.

02:43:24.000 And also on DeathSquad.tv is the other one that we talk about all the time, Thunder Pussy. 1.00

02:43:30.000 Thunder Pussy, which is a fun, fun time with the right crowd. 0.99

02:43:34.000 Occasionally you get the wrong crowd and it becomes a fuckfest. 0.99

02:43:36.000 But... 0.86

02:43:37.000 With the right crowd.

02:43:38.000 Comedians go on stage and just the audience yells out ideas and the comedians start to talk about things.

02:43:42.000 They just make comedy up on the spot.

02:43:45.000 It's very challenging but very fun.

02:43:46.000 And it's also a way that you wind up coming up with a lot of new material because you're just completely riffing.

02:43:52.000 As long as the audience is cool.

02:43:55.000 We've had both.

02:43:56.000 We've had When the Audience is Awesome and the last time it was a dog show.

02:44:00.000 That was annoying.

02:44:01.000 I had fun the last time, but there were a few people definitely that were out of control.

02:44:06.000 We bought a little bit of the bro factor to the equation.

02:44:08.000 I went up first, mind you, so I knew it was going to get out of control.

02:44:12.000 Because if the three guys were bugging me, I'm like, oof, this is a ticking time bomb.

02:44:16.000 And I tried to acknowledge them and calm them down.

02:44:18.000 Let them realize that they seemed wasted right from the get, the few people that were just out of it, like, yeah, totally, you know, when people, you know, an audience member's wasted when they're, like, answering rhetorical questions, you know?

02:44:30.000 And you're like, you know what drives me crazy?

02:44:32.000 No, I don't know what drives you crazy!

02:44:34.000 Well, they were just trying to get attention.

02:44:36.000 That was the problem.

02:44:37.000 It wasn't simply a matter of participating or yelling out topics.

02:44:41.000 They were trying to get attention.

02:44:43.000 They were trying to be a part of the show.

02:44:45.000 Like the guy to the left, whose buddy got kicked out early, and then he just kept going.

02:44:48.000 Like, dude, your buddy's already been kicked out.

02:44:50.000 You guys are too drunk.

02:44:52.000 You gotta learn how to handle your liquor, son.

02:44:54.000 Do you know how people are looking at you?

02:44:55.000 You know, another thing is that...

02:44:58.000 That show is also 18 and up, though.

02:45:00.000 Yeah, that's not cool.

02:45:01.000 Why is it 18 and up?

02:45:02.000 I don't know.

02:45:03.000 They need to change that show. 0.99

02:45:04.000 Yeah, am I allowed to change that?

02:45:06.000 Yes, 100%.

02:45:07.000 Because, I mean, I love that age group, but they just, you know, I know they're underage drinking going on.

02:45:13.000 Not there, but maybe they came drunk or whatever, and that's probably...

02:45:16.000 They could bring flasks.

02:45:17.000 Nobody's checking their bags when they walk through the door. 0.82

02:45:19.000 Well, all these problems that we had at the last Thunder Pussy was at the beginning of the show. 0.61

02:45:22.000 So there's no way that they got drunk at the Ice House. 0.88

02:45:25.000 Yeah, they came in drunk. 1.00

02:45:25.000 So I think what's happening is people are just coming like fucking balls wasted. 1.00

02:45:29.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:45:29.000 That 19-year-old kid that got kicked out. 1.00

02:45:31.000 It's so sad.

02:45:32.000 He was just sitting there on the bench outside.

02:45:34.000 I'm like, what happened, dude?

02:45:35.000 He's like, man, I got kicked out.

02:45:38.000 I was like, look, it's not the end of the world.

02:45:40.000 You've got to realize it's part of being young. 1.00

02:45:42.000 You fuck up, you get drunk, you do retarded shit, and then you realize you did retarded shit. 1.00

02:45:46.000 So the next time you think you're going to get into that same sort of situation again, you correct yourself. 1.00

02:45:52.000 You'll be alright.

02:45:53.000 He was so devastated. 0.97

02:45:55.000 At the beginning of this next Thunder Pussy, the one that we just did, I spent my first three minutes on that guy. 0.99

02:46:00.000 Because I realized that if I didn't acknowledge him right from the get, then...

02:46:05.000 Because Jeremiah even told me, because he hosts it.

02:46:08.000 So Jeremiah went up first, then he brought me up.

02:46:10.000 Jeremiah goes, I purposefully didn't Double, you know, I didn't want to seem like the bad guy.

02:46:16.000 I knew that you would like to take that, so I didn't even acknowledge him.

02:46:19.000 Because, you know, Jeremiah and I work together a lot, like at the store, and just everywhere.

02:46:24.000 We're both, you know, both grinders.

02:46:26.000 So, anyway, he knew...

02:46:27.000 You're on Grindr?

02:46:29.000 No, we don't grind each other.

02:46:31.000 Met on Grindr?

02:46:31.000 No.

02:46:32.000 Yeah, he's out there on his grind, dog.

02:46:34.000 No.

02:46:35.000 He's out there on the grind, you know, that's like a rap term.

02:46:38.000 Yeah.

02:46:39.000 It's hustling.

02:46:40.000 He's hustling every day.

02:46:41.000 Every day we hustle.

02:46:42.000 Every day.

02:46:43.000 Every day we be hustling.

02:46:45.000 Yes.

02:46:46.000 But, yeah.

02:46:47.000 The worst is that those guys think that they're helping the show.

02:46:50.000 That's the worst.

02:46:51.000 That's why, if I'm first or second, I have the chance to help out the show, I go, and you're not going to help the show.

02:46:57.000 You might be thinking that you're, you know, I've built, over the years of acknowledging these people, I've built jokes on them.

02:47:03.000 Them, you know what I mean?

02:47:05.000 And you're gonna think you killed tomorrow at the water cooler, but you didn't.

02:47:10.000 You gotta just tell them the truth.

02:47:11.000 Because if they think then that they're gonna help the show, you gotta nip it in the...

02:47:16.000 What is it?

02:47:17.000 Bud or bud?

02:47:18.000 The bud.

02:47:18.000 It's like a plant.

02:47:20.000 You nip it in the bud.

02:47:22.000 That's what you're supposed to do.

02:47:23.000 You actually should pull it out by the roots.

02:47:25.000 That's the best way.

02:47:27.000 Nip it in the bud.

02:47:28.000 What if it re-buds?

02:47:29.000 You know?

02:47:30.000 The plant's still alive.

02:47:32.000 Don't just nip it.

02:47:33.000 Pull it out of the roots and then light that thing on fire.

02:47:35.000 That's what you're supposed to do.

02:47:37.000 Can you imagine, though, being 19 years old and getting drunk and come to a comedy show where you're allowed to talk to the comedians?

02:47:42.000 You're allowed to yell out ideas.

02:47:44.000 There's no...

02:47:45.000 I mean, that's like part of the fun when it works out great.

02:47:47.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:47:48.000 But part of the problem with that is if you get the wrong kind of kids in there, especially young kids, 18 years old, hammered for the first time, yelling shit out. 0.98

02:47:55.000 Edibles and weed. 0.99

02:47:57.000 Yeah.

02:47:58.000 Yeah.

02:47:59.000 I couldn't handle that.

02:48:00.000 By the way, highly recommending to see Louis C.K.'s latest episode where he catches his daughter smoking marijuana.

02:48:05.000 It's like an hour and a half long episode.

02:48:07.000 One of the best things I've ever seen ever.

02:48:10.000 Louis C.K. is a maniac, man. 0.98

02:48:12.000 Are you watching any of his shows? 0.98

02:48:13.000 I haven't been watching it.

02:48:14.000 It's really good.

02:48:15.000 I almost went to watch it like three more times.

02:48:17.000 Wow.

02:48:18.000 And the kids they used in it, the actors, bravo to those guys.

02:48:22.000 I mean, it was beautiful.

02:48:23.000 Wow.

02:48:23.000 His daughters are amazing in that show.

02:48:26.000 They steal it a lot.

02:48:27.000 They're great.

02:48:28.000 So great.

02:48:29.000 I haven't been watching it.

02:48:30.000 Do you watch Game of Thrones?

02:48:31.000 Yeah.

02:48:32.000 Don't talk about it though.

02:48:33.000 A lot of people get mad.

02:48:34.000 Oh, I bet.

02:48:35.000 Spoiler alert!

02:48:36.000 I just caught up on the episode this week, last night. 0.99

02:48:39.000 Holy fuck. 0.99

02:48:41.000 Such a good show. 1.00

02:48:42.000 After it's over, you just go, holy fuck. 0.99

02:48:44.000 You want to watch something great, watch a show on Netflix called The Writer's Room, and just go straight to the Game of Thrones episode. 0.99

02:48:50.000 It's the two writers.

02:48:51.000 They work directly with George Martin, so they're the ones that take George's ideas and with their imagination put it into film.

02:48:59.000 It's two guys, and it's been two the whole time, but they don't work together.

02:49:04.000 They sit in opposite rooms, and they don't even work on the same episodes.

02:49:09.000 What?

02:49:09.000 One guy, they do one after the other.

02:49:12.000 So one does one, and then one does the next.

02:49:14.000 And the reason why it's so great, in my opinion, if you watch this episode of The Writer's Room called Game of Thrones, where it's these two guys, you figure out that they're just trying to outdo each other.

02:49:22.000 These guys are writing partners, and they're just trying to be like, I'm gonna blow your mind this week, bro.

02:49:28.000 Great idea.

02:49:29.000 Yeah, exactly.

02:49:30.000 That's incredible.

02:49:31.000 Yeah.

02:49:31.000 They pitted them against each other.

02:49:33.000 Exactly.

02:49:34.000 Wow.

02:49:35.000 But they're together, but they're against each.

02:49:37.000 It's sort of like Pink Floyd.

02:49:39.000 The two main guys, Roger Waters and David Gilmour, were notorious.

02:49:42.000 Like when you hear a band breakup, like it's sort of built off of Pink Floyd because they didn't play together for 20 or 30 years.

02:49:49.000 A notorious huge breakup at the massive peak.

02:49:52.000 But that's what they would do.

02:49:54.000 Like, Roger Waters would be like, you know, hey, buddy, I'm the lead creator for us, and I just wrote this album called The Wall.

02:50:00.000 It's a shame you didn't get anything in on it. 0.99

02:50:03.000 And David Gilmour would be like, oh, yeah, motherfucker? 0.99

02:50:04.000 And he would go in a room and write Comfortably Numb and come back with that. 0.99

02:50:08.000 That was the two biggest, you know, some of the biggest guitar solos of all time.

02:50:12.000 It's just a little pinpring.

02:50:14.000 Yeah, with his voice, that David Gilmour just, ah!

02:50:19.000 And so that's the same thing.

02:50:21.000 Those two guys always hated each other, but they're a band, and it helped, because Waters would go, check out these lyrics in this bass line, bro, and then Gilmore would be like, oh, you think you're a badass?

02:50:32.000 Well, watch this guitar solo.

02:50:34.000 He would try to steal the song from him by laying it down or using his voice, and Waters was smart enough to let it all happen, because...

02:50:42.000 That's good for business.

02:50:43.000 Isn't like every band that's ever a huge band, don't they always have a problem with the lead singer and someone else? 0.98

02:50:48.000 Like even fucking Van Halen.

02:50:50.000 Van Halen broke up, David Lee Roth left, they brought in someone else, they brought in Sammy Hagar, then they brought in that other dude. 0.98

02:50:56.000 Remember that other dude?

02:50:57.000 Who's the other dude that they brought in?

02:50:59.000 He's from a good band, but he sucked it as the lead singer of Van Halen.

02:51:03.000 It just didn't work for whatever reason. 0.89

02:51:05.000 Yeah.

02:51:06.000 But think Axl Rose and Guns N' Roses.

02:51:09.000 Mick Jagger and Keith Richards, they keep it together.

02:51:12.000 Totally. 0.99

02:51:13.000 But apparently, like, Keith Richards talked a gang of shit about Mick Jagger and his book. 0.99

02:51:17.000 Which is kind of fucked up. 0.99

02:51:19.000 Steven Tyler. 0.99

02:51:20.000 Those guys hang out.

02:51:21.000 But they left for a while, right?

02:51:22.000 Didn't Joe Perry leave for a while?

02:51:24.000 He did, right?

02:51:25.000 Yeah.

02:51:25.000 I think so.

02:51:26.000 Joe Perry's a cool motherfucker. 0.99

02:51:28.000 I'm friends with him on Twitter. 0.99

02:51:29.000 Really?

02:51:29.000 That's so cool.

02:51:31.000 Joe Perry, he's a conspiracy theorist.

02:51:33.000 He's into a lot of conspiracy theories, man.

02:51:35.000 Some wacky ones.

02:51:36.000 But I found a rock at the beach, and I was like, what is this rock?

02:51:39.000 Is this a volcanic rock?

02:51:40.000 Or a meteor or something like that?

02:51:41.000 Because it had all these holes in it.

02:51:42.000 I couldn't figure out what it was like.

02:51:43.000 I remember that.

02:51:44.000 I remember looking at that.

02:51:45.000 And there's apparently fish to that.

02:51:47.000 It's like a sea stone.

02:51:48.000 Joe Perry told me on Twitter.

02:51:49.000 I was like, what a crazy world we live in where Joe Perry can give you explanations of what kind of rock.

02:51:55.000 One of the greatest guitars ever.

02:51:57.000 And he knows all about rock. 1.00

02:51:59.000 And he knows about shit. 1.00

02:52:00.000 Rock and roll. 1.00

02:52:01.000 He knows about geology and sea rocks and shit. 0.70

02:52:04.000 Brian, you got anything going on this weekend? 0.97

02:52:06.000 Tonight, Ontario Improv.

02:52:08.000 Friday, Ice House.

02:52:10.000 Powerful Ontario Improv.

02:52:11.000 But I'm going to Florida with Sam Tripoli in August, April 8th, 9th, and 10th.

02:52:17.000 Tampa, Jacksonville, and Orlando.

02:52:19.000 Good Lord, son.

02:52:21.000 And like I said, this weekend, Tony and Brian Callen and I, Thursday and Friday, I shouldn't say this weekend, Thursday night we're in Lloydminster, and then both of them are in Canada. 0.98

02:52:31.000 So if you're like, where the fuck's Lloydminster? 1.00

02:52:33.000 It's another country, bitch. 1.00

02:52:34.000 And the other one is Vancouver at the Orpheum Theater on Friday night. 1.00

02:52:38.000 Can't fucking wait. 0.90

02:52:39.000 Brian Callen, Tony Hinchcliffe, and moi. 1.00

02:52:42.000 Good times, you fucks. 0.99

02:52:44.000 Thanks for having me. 1.00

02:52:45.000 Anytime, my friend.

02:52:46.000 Anytime. 1.00

02:52:47.000 That's it, fuckers. 1.00

02:52:48.000 Thanks for the sponsorship, Mr. Squarespace. 0.99

02:52:51.000 Go to squarespace.com and build yourself an awesome website, you freaks, and use the code word JOE and save 10% off your first purchase.

02:52:59.000 Squarespace.com.

02:53:00.000 Thanks also to Ting.

02:53:01.000 Go to rogan.ting.com and get an awesome deal on cell phone service for a fraction of the cost. 0.92

02:53:10.000 All kinds of good shit that goes along with being involved with Ting.

02:53:13.000 Rogan.ting.com will save you 25 bucks off of your first device. 0.98

02:53:18.000 Go there, enjoy it.

02:53:20.000 Go to onnit.com, use the code word ROGAN, and save 10% off any and all supplements. 0.99

02:53:24.000 We will be back tomorrow with Ensign Inoue returns to the podcast, the great Yamato Damashi, one of the old school MMA fighters, a real legend, and a cool ass motherfucker. 0.94

02:53:35.000 He will be here tomorrow at noon. 0.95

02:53:37.000 So, Much love. 1.00

02:53:38.000 Until then, enjoy your life, you dirty fucks. 1.00

02:53:40.000 Tony, did you have a tour date? 1.00

02:53:43.000 TonyHinchcliffe.com?

02:53:44.000 Oh yeah, TonyHinchcliffe.com, at TonyHinchcliffe on Twitter, and check out Kill Tony.

02:53:47.000 Two F's and an E. Yeah, H plus inch, Cliff plus E, which reminds me, that t-shirt's available at TonyHinchcliffe.com. 0.99

02:53:53.000 Get a t-shirt, you fucks! 0.99

02:53:54.000 Support the kid! 0.99

02:53:56.000 He's got talent!

02:53:57.000 Alright, we love you guys.

02:53:58.000 Much love.

02:53:58.000 See you soon.

02:53:59.000 Big kiss.

02:54:00.000 Mwah! 0.98

The Joe Rogan Experience - June 10, 2014

Joe Rogan Experience #510 - Tony Hinchcliffe

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