The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #563 - David Choe

00:00:03.000 Yeah!

00:00:04.000 That's how I like to open up my show. 1.00

00:00:06.000 Dude, you're fucking... 0.99

00:00:07.000 These Instagram things that you're doing, these Hong Dynasty things, what are you doing? 1.00

00:00:13.000 That shit is hilarious. 0.99

00:00:14.000 You and Bobby Lee and these 15-second clips. 1.00

00:00:18.000 I'm hooked. 0.98

00:00:19.000 I don't know what you're doing, but I'm laughing my dick off. 0.96

00:00:23.000 I mean, first of all, people always like to... 0.99

00:00:28.000 Like, it's publicly known that I'm wealthy because of the New York Times and all the shit that came out. 0.91

00:00:33.000 The Facebook stuff. 0.99

00:00:33.000 Yeah, so people always like, whenever I do anything to preface it with, well, if I was rich, or if I had your fuck you money, or if, you know, and I go, this shit, most of everything I do costs little or nothing. 0.99

00:00:46.000 Like, the Hong Dynasty is, okay, so Instagram comes out, and what, Vine is like 7 seconds, right? 0.90

00:00:52.000 I don't have Vine, but Vine is 7 seconds, Instagram is 15 seconds.

00:00:56.000 We're old guys.

00:00:57.000 When I go hang out with my nephews and stuff, and they're like teenagers, they won't even watch a one-minute YouTube clip.

00:01:03.000 It's true, right?

00:01:04.000 If it doesn't get their attention, they'll watch it with the bar, just fast-forward, fast-forward, you know? 1.00

00:01:10.000 So I said, let's just fuck around. 0.92

00:01:13.000 We filmed this thing on our iPhone, and it's just, you know, Bobby Lee's actually an actor. 0.99

00:01:19.000 You know what?

00:01:20.000 Before we get started, let me just say, I was on Joe's show last time, and it ended with me saying...

00:01:26.000 It was a dumb idea, but I was like... 0.84

00:01:30.000 I'm extremely unhealthy. 0.98

00:01:31.000 I'm out of shape. 1.00

00:01:32.000 I have mercury poisoning, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, all that shit. 0.99

00:01:35.000 I just got diabetes. 0.99

00:01:37.000 What?

00:01:38.000 You have diabetes?

00:01:38.000 Whatever.

00:01:40.000 Everyone's going to have it soon.

00:01:43.000 What did I say?

00:01:45.000 I was going to spend a year to get trained and I want to have a UFC fight or some shit like that. 0.98

00:01:49.000 You were explaining to me how dumb it was? 0.94

00:01:51.000 Bobby Lee's brother, Steve Lee, who's 40 years old, who's one of those guys, he's like a thousand times funnier than Bobby without trying. 0.92

00:01:51.000 Yes. 0.92

00:01:59.000 Bobby's like a professional comedian. 0.86

00:02:01.000 Steve's just a funny, crazy guy.

00:02:05.000 He's got sort of an Al Bondi thing where he's 40 and he talks about how he could have been state champ if he just did this one-arm bar or something.

00:02:12.000 And he used to work at this place, Fat Sal's in Hollywood, part-time as a sandwich guy.

00:02:18.000 And I hired him to be on my show full-time.

00:02:21.000 And he started slacking.

00:02:24.000 It was what I thought would happen.

00:02:25.000 And I said, all right.

00:02:27.000 You and me are going to go into this room and we're going to wrestle.

00:02:30.000 And you're basically wrestling for your job.

00:02:34.000 You're doing wrestling and I'm doing judo.

00:02:36.000 And I outweigh him by 60 pounds.

00:02:39.000 He's like a little, tiny Asian guy. 1.00

00:02:41.000 And I'm like, yeah, I used to do judo.

00:02:44.000 And my friend was like, dude, don't underestimate him because he was almost state champ.

00:02:50.000 I'm like, that was over 20 years ago.

00:02:52.000 But yeah, those little wrestling guys, you know? 1.00

00:02:55.000 You can't fuck with them. 1.00

00:02:56.000 And then his brother was the referee. 1.00

00:02:59.000 So Bobby says, Dave, my brother, you know, he's like very relaxed and lazy about things until you challenge his pussy or money. 0.99

00:03:08.000 So Steve, you know, Steve's on the Hong Dynasty. 1.00

00:03:11.000 He's like a fucking, you know, he's a crazy guy. 1.00

00:03:13.000 He's always good natured. 1.00

00:03:14.000 He's always funny.

00:03:16.000 When I told him, like, if you don't win this, you're going back to Fat Sal's.

00:03:19.000 And the job he has for me right now is like, They're like, what do you need to hire Steve Lee for?

00:03:25.000 What does he do? 1.00

00:03:26.000 I'm like, I literally send him all over the world to fuck as many whores as possible. 1.00

00:03:31.000 That's his job right now. 1.00

00:03:31.000 That's his job? 1.00

00:03:32.000 Having sex with prostitutes? 1.00

00:03:34.000 Yeah, I send him, like, him, basically him and this guy, Bill Poon. 1.00

00:03:40.000 He's 53 years old.

00:03:41.000 I sent them to Macau.

00:03:43.000 They're the Macau brothers now. 0.97

00:03:44.000 And Bill, on his normal job, when he's not on my show, is he drives hookers around. 0.99

00:03:49.000 He's the number one whore transporter in Los Angeles. 1.00

00:03:52.000 I think he put 290,000 miles on his Prius. 0.99

00:03:58.000 And I said, do the math, and he has delivered 6,000 hookers to their Johns. 0.99

00:04:04.000 Wow. 1.00

00:04:05.000 And I go, that makes you the number one whore transporter. 1.00

00:04:07.000 Maybe there's a guy out there that's just fucking doing meth and staying up all night and just trying to break that record. 1.00

00:04:11.000 Well, he has his archenemy and everything. 0.99

00:04:14.000 You have an archenemy?

00:04:15.000 There's another guy?

00:04:16.000 Yeah, there's another guy.

00:04:18.000 But he's like, what's that movie?

00:04:21.000 The Transporter?

00:04:22.000 Oh, the Jason Statham guy? 1.00

00:04:24.000 He never tries to fuck the hookers. 1.00

00:04:26.000 He's serious about it. 1.00

00:04:29.000 He's got baby wipes and condoms.

00:04:32.000 He takes the job seriously. 1.00

00:04:34.000 He does any creepy shit. 0.99

00:04:36.000 So him and Steve... 0.99

00:04:39.000 I go, hey, you guys, you know, everyone hears stories about, like, the underground sex world in Macau and this.

00:04:46.000 Why don't you go and investigate? 1.00

00:04:47.000 And by investigate, I mean fuck all of them and... 1.00

00:04:51.000 So I send them to Macau. 1.00

00:04:52.000 We record the whole thing.

00:04:53.000 That's going to be called the Macau Brothers, and we're going to put that up on DVD, ASA, whatever.

00:04:59.000 So go back to this wrestling match.

00:05:00.000 Okay, so...

00:05:01.000 So you guys, is it a submission thing?

00:05:04.000 Is it pins?

00:05:06.000 Well, that's why.

00:05:06.000 I'm not a wrestler.

00:05:07.000 I'm a judo guy.

00:05:08.000 So Bobby used to wrestle too, so he's like, I'll be the referee.

00:05:12.000 And yeah, whoever gets the first person down, submit, whatever, they win, you know?

00:05:18.000 But what is whatever?

00:05:19.000 Like, is it to tap out? 0.98

00:05:21.000 Because if you get a jujitsu guy down, that doesn't mean jack shit. 0.91

00:05:24.000 That's when the game starts. 0.85

00:05:25.000 Right, right, right.

00:05:26.000 But a judo guy is all about...

00:05:27.000 What do you call it?

00:05:28.000 Yippon?

00:05:29.000 Right.

00:05:29.000 When you slam a guy?

00:05:31.000 It was just, I guess, whoever gets someone in a hold that they can't get out of or something.

00:05:31.000 Yeah.

00:05:37.000 Undefined.

00:05:38.000 Undefined victories.

00:05:39.000 Yeah, because just no punching or kicking.

00:05:42.000 Okay, okay.

00:05:42.000 Just grappling.

00:05:43.000 Yeah.

00:05:44.000 And so...

00:05:45.000 Yeah, him working for me is not like sweeping the floor or whatever. 1.00

00:05:49.000 Him working for me is getting to fuck really hot chicks. 1.00

00:05:52.000 It's a great gig. 1.00

00:05:52.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:05:53.000 Essentially.

00:05:53.000 His face changes.

00:05:55.000 Because I'm like...

00:05:56.000 And I'm like, I'm probably still giving him his job even if...

00:05:59.000 Right.

00:06:00.000 And I go, I'm just... 1.00

00:06:01.000 All I'm going to do is let him fuck... 1.00

00:06:02.000 He's like, you know, half of my size. 1.00

00:06:05.000 Like Bobby's size.

00:06:06.000 Yeah, but like way skinnier. 0.99

00:06:08.000 And I go, I'll just let him fuck around and then I'll just flatten him and it'll look funny, you know? 0.99

00:06:13.000 In less than a minute he took me out. 1.00

00:06:15.000 I go, if you don't win right now, you fucker, you're losing your job. 1.00

00:06:18.000 He goes red zone. 1.00

00:06:19.000 His face... 1.00

00:06:21.000 And I go, oh, fuck, dude. 1.00

00:06:22.000 This guy's serious. 0.99

00:06:23.000 And then he comes at me and he's small, but then he just grabs my arm or something, gets me down, and I'm like, oh, whatever.

00:06:29.000 And then I can't get out of it.

00:06:31.000 And then he just puts all of his might into this hole and I'm just sitting there and I can't get out of it.

00:06:35.000 And I'm like... 1.00

00:06:36.000 You know, also Akira, she's just like, I've never seen you look more like a pussy in your life. 1.00

00:06:43.000 And I was sitting there thinking, fuck, dude, I remember I told Joe that I was going to do this shit. 1.00

00:06:47.000 People have that glamorous idea that they're going to go and have an MMA fight. 0.99

00:06:51.000 And I would never discourage anybody from being an MMA fighter.

00:06:54.000 I think you live and you die.

00:06:57.000 If you want to be a bull rider, if you want to ride motocross, if you want to drive Formula One race cars...

00:07:04.000 All those things are dangerous.

00:07:05.000 All those things are awesome.

00:07:07.000 You know, live your life, man.

00:07:08.000 I fought.

00:07:09.000 I did it.

00:07:10.000 It's not...

00:07:11.000 I mean, I fought in Taekwondo and I kickboxed. 1.00

00:07:13.000 It's fucking stupid. 1.00

00:07:14.000 I did it for free. 1.00

00:07:15.000 There was no money involved in it.

00:07:17.000 I had no insurance.

00:07:18.000 I had no health insurance.

00:07:19.000 So I would never tell someone, don't do anything dangerous.

00:07:22.000 But you can't...

00:07:23.000 I don't think you should dabble in that.

00:07:25.000 That's something like... 0.98

00:07:26.000 There's dudes that are doing it that I know that are trying to make it in the UFC or have made it into the UFC that that's their fucking whole life, man. 0.97

00:07:35.000 They get up in the morning. 0.92

00:07:36.000 They're doing their strength and conditioning.

00:07:37.000 They're running. 1.00

00:07:38.000 They're drinking wheatgrass juice and they're fucking taking all their amino acids. 0.99

00:07:41.000 You're right, Joe. 0.99

00:07:42.000 I'm not going to dabble.

00:07:45.000 They made UFC their life.

00:07:46.000 I'm going to make a serious commitment to my diabetes.

00:07:49.000 I'm going to make that my life.

00:07:50.000 I'm going to eat donuts. 1.00

00:07:51.000 I'm going to fucking... 1.00

00:07:52.000 Do you really have diabetes? 1.00

00:07:53.000 I was pre-diabetic for the last four years.

00:07:57.000 Just crossed over the line?

00:07:58.000 Yeah, I just crossed over and he's like, dude, with lots of complete nutritional diet change and lots of exercise, he's like, you can go back to not having diabetes, but...

00:08:07.000 Whatever.

00:08:08.000 You would rather not?

00:08:09.000 You'd rather just take insulin and just eat donuts?

00:08:11.000 I know, it's horrible.

00:08:12.000 That's so bad.

00:08:13.000 Well, they say 50% of everyone that's being born in America today will have diabetes.

00:08:19.000 Why don't you do this?

00:08:19.000 Since we're on the show, you and I are talking, and we're friends.

00:08:22.000 Why don't you hire someone?

00:08:24.000 See, you got boatloads of cash.

00:08:26.000 Hire someone to concoct a diet for you, to feed you.

00:08:30.000 Hire someone that's a nutritionist that is going to concoct really healthy meals. 1.00

00:08:35.000 All day long, really low sugar, and you'll cure that shit within a few months. 0.99

00:08:40.000 I mean, you just met him right now, first of all. 1.00

00:08:42.000 Critter?

00:08:43.000 Critter's gonna do it?

00:08:43.000 Yeah.

00:08:44.000 Well, this is what happens.

00:08:47.000 When I made my money, naturally I just don't trust people.

00:08:52.000 So I made the...

00:08:52.000 Naturally before or after?

00:08:54.000 Just always.

00:08:54.000 I just don't trust people.

00:08:55.000 So I just made the rookie mistake.

00:08:57.000 You've heard the expression before, don't hire your friends and family.

00:09:00.000 Yes.

00:09:01.000 And I hired only my friends and family.

00:09:03.000 And I was like, you know...

00:09:06.000 Hey, I don't know how to work a camera.

00:09:07.000 I don't care.

00:09:08.000 You're my cousin.

00:09:09.000 I just wanted everyone around me to be someone I trusted.

00:09:13.000 And you don't get the level of work that...

00:09:18.000 I work every night till 7, 8 in the morning still.

00:09:21.000 I don't have to, but I do.

00:09:23.000 And without even...

00:09:26.000 Because there's always, in the back of their mind, they're like, Dave's not going to fire me.

00:09:29.000 He's my cousin or he's my best friend.

00:09:32.000 And then I was just sitting there going... 0.92

00:09:34.000 How come I do have all this money and I hired all these guys and I'm overpaying the shit out of them and like I'm still at the office by myself, you know? 0.98

00:09:41.000 So I fired everyone. 0.99

00:09:42.000 I only hired people that are not my friends and white and I said no more Asians. 1.00

00:09:50.000 I'm only hiring white people. 0.99

00:09:51.000 Oh man, that's crazy racist. 1.00

00:09:54.000 Yeah, very racist. 0.99

00:09:55.000 But Asians are very hard workers as long as they're not your family. 1.00

00:09:59.000 I don't know.

00:10:00.000 I just wanted to...

00:10:02.000 First of all, yeah, it's very racist.

00:10:04.000 But it's okay because you're...

00:10:06.000 I want to try something different.

00:10:07.000 I already rode the yellow train.

00:10:08.000 I want to get on the white train, you know?

00:10:10.000 And so I hired people that I'm not friends...

00:10:14.000 I'm friendly with, but they're not my homies. 1.00

00:10:16.000 And then they were hired for specifically what their job was.

00:10:20.000 Like, if you're...

00:10:21.000 A trainer, then that's what I, you know, I'm not like, hey, I know you're not a trainer, but just do it.

00:10:25.000 And I found out with this next phase of the experiment that I immediately, like, befriended all of them.

00:10:25.000 Right.

00:10:32.000 Like, now they're all my best friends again.

00:10:35.000 And even if I, like, Critter, you know, I said, listen, I have diabetes.

00:10:41.000 I, you know, and he's also my bodyguard, which everyone thinks is a joke, which it is most of the time. 0.92

00:10:48.000 But, you know, weird shit happens once in a while. 0.95

00:10:50.000 And I said, look, I love eating. 0.94

00:10:53.000 I'm friends with lots of chefs.

00:10:55.000 You know, I go to a lot of restaurants.

00:10:57.000 You know, I love, I have a piece of me that's like, just having no money and going to a restaurant, a nice restaurant for the first time, and just like having that snooty, you know, looking at sushi menu and going like, what's MP? Like,

00:11:12.000 I didn't know because I've never been there.

00:11:13.000 And they're like, that's market price, sir. 0.96

00:11:16.000 And I'm like, well, Well, how the fuck am I supposed... 0.97

00:11:18.000 Right. 0.90

00:11:19.000 Okay, so this toro, what is that?

00:11:21.000 They're like, it's the fattest part of the tuna, and it's $60 a piece.

00:11:25.000 You mean for the two pieces?

00:11:26.000 No, no, no, for one piece. 0.99

00:11:28.000 And I'm like, $120 for two tiny fucking pieces of fish? 0.98

00:11:32.000 But, you know, I didn't have any money. 0.99

00:11:33.000 I'm like, I'm not going to get that.

00:11:34.000 And they're like, yeah, if you have to ask, then you can't afford it. 0.99

00:11:36.000 And so now I have the money, and I go in there, yeah, motherfucker, give me a hundred toro. 0.99

00:11:40.000 What? 1.00

00:11:41.000 I'm like, give me the whole fucking fish! 0.99

00:11:43.000 And then it's like, oh, tuna has the most amount of mercury. 1.00

00:11:46.000 And, you know, the doctor checks my blood and he's like, you have so much mercury in your fucking blood, you know? 0.98

00:11:52.000 Is that really, that really happened to you? 0.98

00:11:54.000 Have you eaten that much sushi that you were getting mercury pollution?

00:11:54.000 Yeah.

00:11:56.000 Well, I thought, I thought it was healthy. 1.00

00:11:58.000 You know, the oceans are polluted, the shit are polluted. 1.00

00:12:01.000 They're full of radioactive waste and all this shit. 1.00

00:12:01.000 They're polluted. 1.00

00:12:05.000 And I'm like, yeah, I'm not eating hamburgers anymore.

00:12:09.000 And every meal costs $500. 1.00

00:12:10.000 I'm rich, motherfucker. 1.00

00:12:12.000 And it's like moderation for everything. 1.00

00:12:14.000 You can't eat fish every day.

00:12:16.000 I was starting to get, what was it?

00:12:19.000 I forget the poisoning that I was getting from sardines. 0.99

00:12:19.000 God damn it. 0.99

00:12:23.000 Yeah, sardines have tons of... 1.00

00:12:25.000 Arsenic.

00:12:25.000 Yeah, I was getting arsenic.

00:12:26.000 Sardines have tons of that shit. 0.99

00:12:28.000 It was a small amount. 1.00

00:12:29.000 It's a heavy metal.

00:12:30.000 They're eating at the bottom of the ocean. 1.00

00:12:32.000 It's just fucking garbage down there. 1.00

00:12:34.000 And once that shit gets in your blood, it takes forever to get out. 1.00

00:12:36.000 It didn't take long. 1.00

00:12:38.000 Yeah, I got rid of the arsenic in a short amount of time.

00:12:38.000 Really?

00:12:41.000 I just stopped eating sardines.

00:12:42.000 Oh.

00:12:43.000 I was eating them every day.

00:12:44.000 Wow.

00:12:45.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:12:45.000 White trash. 1.00

00:12:46.000 I like sardines. 1.00

00:12:47.000 Yeah.

00:12:48.000 I just love sardines.

00:12:48.000 Well, I don't know about the arsenic, but they said, I just, because my hair started falling out, and I couldn't, you know, I'm like, I'm still relatively young, but I just- So the mercury was making your hair fall?

00:12:59.000 Well, it said for mercury poisoning, it's like memory loss.

00:13:02.000 And like, it's like, I'm like, I have the same memory as my like 70 year old father who's like, well, you know, I'm like, people will do that.

00:13:11.000 Hey Dave, you just told that story.

00:13:12.000 And I'm like, I'm like, really? 1.00

00:13:14.000 And I'm like, fuck. 1.00

00:13:15.000 And it's like, I know that like, it's like when you know something, but you're feeling really dumb and I'm like, why? 1.00

00:13:21.000 Where's, what's this block? 0.94

00:13:22.000 And they're like, dude, your blood is like just full of it.

00:13:26.000 So, wow.

00:13:27.000 So I told Critter, I said, listen, I need the kind of trainer that physically abuses me. 0.99

00:13:34.000 Like, you can put a finger in my ass if you have to. 0.99

00:13:36.000 He has huge hands. 1.00

00:13:37.000 I said, here's the key.

00:13:38.000 I don't think that's necessary.

00:13:39.000 I said, here's the key to my house.

00:13:40.000 You need a salad.

00:13:41.000 Every single...

00:13:42.000 I know, but I go, I don't have that kind of discipline because I don't drink.

00:13:46.000 I don't do drugs.

00:13:47.000 And so food is my vice.

00:13:48.000 Especially since I don't gamble anymore.

00:13:50.000 And it's like, I love to eat.

00:13:51.000 And I love to eat late at night.

00:13:53.000 I like to have dinner number two, dinner number three.

00:13:55.000 So I said, here's the key to my house.

00:13:59.000 Every single day, I'm going to come up with some excuse to not work out. 0.99

00:14:02.000 Oh, I got to fuck this girl, or I have a really important meeting with Joe Rogan. 0.99

00:14:06.000 It's like, I don't care. 1.00

00:14:08.000 You have permission to come into my house, physically drag me out of my bed, punch me in my chest, and get me to work out because I'm not going to want to.

00:14:15.000 He's a big dude. 0.88

00:14:16.000 You don't want to punch him.

00:14:17.000 This is the best part.

00:14:20.000 Everyone's like, you have a bodyguard?

00:14:21.000 What a joke.

00:14:22.000 You have a bodyguard?

00:14:23.000 And I go, yeah.

00:14:24.000 In the last year, my two major injuries are from him.

00:14:28.000 Like, he almost broke my neck and he broke...

00:14:30.000 My rib's broken right now.

00:14:32.000 He broke my rib, like, two weeks ago when he just...

00:14:36.000 I don't know what that syndrome is, like when a parent loves their baby so much that they shake it and the baby dies.

00:14:42.000 Because he has the weekends off, so when I see him, he sees me and he picks me up and he always hugs me.

00:14:47.000 He broke your ribs by shaking you?

00:14:48.000 Well, he hugged me and he was shaking me, and while he was shaking me, my friend David Chang tripped him.

00:14:53.000 But then he fell on top of me.

00:14:53.000 Oh, no.

00:14:55.000 Oh, Jesus Christ.

00:14:56.000 Eddie's a big guy, so I'm like, yeah, my bodyguard that I paid to protect me hurts me.

00:15:03.000 Broke your ribs and almost broke your neck.

00:15:05.000 How did he almost break your neck? 0.99

00:15:06.000 Just when he shakes me, it's so violent that I'm like, I feel like those Steven Seagal movies, like, dude, one jerk and my neck's gonna snap. 0.96

00:15:15.000 And he did it, and I couldn't turn my head this way for like two weeks, and I was like, can you protect me and not hurt me? 0.83

00:15:25.000 I don't know.

00:15:26.000 Whatever.

00:15:28.000 What you need is someone who's a dietician.

00:15:30.000 Someone who's going to be...

00:15:31.000 You can hire a professional chef.

00:15:34.000 Kevin James used to have this guy who worked for him.

00:15:36.000 It was fantastic.

00:15:37.000 He had this guy working for him all day.

00:15:39.000 The guy would cook all these meals, and he would leave pre-prepared, really healthy meals in his refrigerator.

00:15:45.000 Then he hired some woman to do it after that. 0.99

00:15:47.000 Alright, so I did that for a little bit.

00:15:49.000 I got this...

00:15:50.000 See?

00:15:51.000 This is what I'm talking about.

00:15:52.000 I don't remember the name of the service, but they deliver the meal every day.

00:15:54.000 Okay, there's a bunch of those.

00:15:55.000 Yeah.

00:15:56.000 Susan's Healthy Gourmet is one that I used for a while.

00:15:58.000 It's like...

00:15:59.000 Yeah, and I'm like, cool.

00:16:00.000 First of all, I was miserable.

00:16:02.000 The meal started to stack up in the...

00:16:04.000 In the refrigerator, it's like, oh, like, like, inside I'd be like, oh, cool, I did it.

00:16:09.000 I'm on this program.

00:16:10.000 Right, but you weren't really eating it.

00:16:11.000 But then I'd look at it, or I'd look, or I'd eat it and go, oh, cool, I ate good today.

00:16:15.000 And then, like, at three in the morning, still go out and get the burrito.

00:16:19.000 And, um...

00:16:21.000 So the thing I'm doing now, which I already can see, it's horrible, and everyone says it doesn't work, but now I'm sort of stuck in this weird thing.

00:16:35.000 It's like the whole I want...

00:16:38.000 I'm like, no one's like, diets aren't going to work, right?

00:16:42.000 This has to be a lifestyle change.

00:16:43.000 You can't go for three months eating salads and then be like, hey, I got my weight down, I got my cholesterol down, I got my diabetes down, and then going back to it.

00:16:53.000 But I'm like, but I love food.

00:16:55.000 I love eating.

00:16:56.000 And so the thing I'm doing now, which I didn't put too much research into, is chewing and spitting.

00:17:04.000 I know guys who did that with meat.

00:17:06.000 There's some MMA fighters.

00:17:07.000 Like, Diego Sanchez was doing that for a while.

00:17:09.000 He wouldn't eat meat.

00:17:10.000 He would just chew it up and spit it.

00:17:11.000 It's horrible for you.

00:17:12.000 Is it really?

00:17:12.000 It's horrible for you.

00:17:13.000 Because first of all, so you get like...

00:17:16.000 Stomach acids?

00:17:17.000 I'll order like three entrees.

00:17:17.000 Yeah.

00:17:19.000 I'll get spaghetti, fried chicken, steak.

00:17:21.000 I'll get pie.

00:17:22.000 I'll order everything.

00:17:23.000 It's just like Roman times gluttony to the max, right? 0.99

00:17:28.000 And I'll have like...

00:17:30.000 The worst is if it's at a nice restaurant because then they don't have the...

00:17:33.000 They have like cloth napkins.

00:17:35.000 And I'm like, can you bring some more of those paper napkins?

00:17:37.000 And I'm sitting there...

00:17:39.000 And I'm like, and I'm just chewing everything, getting all the flavor out of it.

00:17:43.000 And then I'm spitting it, which the mouth, as soon as it starts chewing and making saliva, the stomach starts making acid to prepare for the food to come down. 0.55

00:17:51.000 But if the food never comes down, there's just like acid in your stomach, you know?

00:17:56.000 And also, when you eat, all the sugar already goes into your, like, before it hits your stomach, you know?

00:18:03.000 Yeah.

00:18:04.000 So I'm eating all this food at nice restaurants and chewing it and spitting it in the napkins and then putting it on the plate and then the dude comes, is there something wrong with the meal?

00:18:14.000 I'm like, no, no, it's delicious. 0.96

00:18:15.000 It's fucking amazing. 0.99

00:18:18.000 You're looking for shortcuts, bro. 1.00

00:18:19.000 I'm looking for shortcuts.

00:18:20.000 You can't do that.

00:18:21.000 Why don't you just hire a real trainer? 0.99

00:18:23.000 Not Critter, but hire someone who's a real, legit strength and conditioning trainer who's going to put you through some stuff.

00:18:30.000 If you really want to do something that's fun, you should take a martial art.

00:18:34.000 Yeah, I guess.

00:18:35.000 I mean, you did judo.

00:18:36.000 Why don't you get into jujitsu?

00:18:37.000 I think I need a hot chick. 1.00

00:18:38.000 How would that work? 0.73

00:18:39.000 For the trainer, because then I'll be motivated. 1.00

00:18:41.000 Oh, but then you're just going to want to fuck her. 1.00

00:18:42.000 And then if you can't fuck her, you want to bring other girls hotter around to show her that you can fuck them. 1.00

00:18:47.000 Like, listen, bitch. 1.00

00:18:48.000 I can fuck them. 1.00

00:18:49.000 Why can't I fuck you? 1.00

00:18:50.000 And then it'll become some weird ego thing. 1.00

00:18:52.000 Joe, having an eating disorder is the number one thing to bond with hot chicks, because they all have one. 1.00

00:18:57.000 It's like...

00:18:58.000 I'm like, should I go anorexic or chewing and spitting or bulimia?

00:19:04.000 And they're like, well, I tried bulimia.

00:19:05.000 I'm like, cool, I'm bonding. 0.99

00:19:06.000 It's like, all of a sudden, this super boring, dumb girl is like, oh, yes! 0.99

00:19:12.000 But a lot of CrossFit chicks, they don't have eating disorders. 1.00

00:19:15.000 If you get a strength and conditioning type gal... 0.98

00:19:17.000 You're right, Joe.

00:19:18.000 I do have buttloads of money.

00:19:20.000 I gotta figure out...

00:19:21.000 Not a shortcut.

00:19:22.000 I just need to figure out to make...

00:19:24.000 Not cure cancer, not cure AIDS, some kind of delicious food that you can eat every day.

00:19:28.000 You can't do that.

00:19:30.000 This is the thing.

00:19:32.000 The more you suffer, the more you'll enjoy pleasure. 0.68

00:19:35.000 You are a glutton for pleasure, my friend.

00:19:38.000 You love the pleasure.

00:19:39.000 Check this out.

00:19:40.000 So my Japanese business partner, I work with this company, Good Smile... 1.00

00:19:44.000 It's not legal in America yet, but he smokes, he drinks, he eats all this shit. 0.99

00:19:49.000 I don't even know what this process is called. 0.99

00:19:51.000 You might have heard of it. 0.99

00:19:52.000 But once a month, this is like real rich guy shit, he gets a lot of his blood taken out, and then they do shit to it. 0.99

00:19:59.000 They make it into super blood, and then he puts it back into him. 0.99

00:20:03.000 And then everything goes down.

00:20:05.000 And I go, what is that?

00:20:08.000 And they're like, it's not...

00:20:09.000 It's not FDA, whatever, tested.

00:20:11.000 It's not in America yet, and so...

00:20:13.000 I do this thing called Regenikine, and I had it done today, actually.

00:20:17.000 My shoulder's been bothering me.

00:20:19.000 They take your blood out, and they spin it in a centrifuge and apply heat to it, and so your blood thinks like it has a fever.

00:20:27.000 And it creates this anti-inflammatory response, and it creates this yellow serum, and then they extract the yellow serum out of your blood, and then they inject it directly into areas where you have inflammation.

00:20:37.000 It's really good for injuries, but it's also, like, when you do it, like I did it today, your energy, you just feel great!

00:20:44.000 You feel great right now.

00:20:45.000 Yeah, Dana White told me about it, because he has an inner ear infection, an issue rather, called Meniere's disease. 0.99

00:20:51.000 And it's from, he got beat up one time when he was young by a bunch of guys, and he gets this tinnitus ringing in his ear, and it fucks with his balance and shit. 0.95

00:20:59.000 And it's all inflammation. 0.96

00:21:01.000 Well, they figured out a way to inject this serum made out of your blood, and it totally cured it for him.

00:21:08.000 He went through surgeries.

00:21:10.000 He was on medication. 1.00

00:21:11.000 He did a bunch of shit that really fucked with him. 1.00

00:21:13.000 But this stuff, instead of fucking with him, it uses your own blood, and it made him feel fantastic. 1.00

00:21:17.000 And he used to have to go to Germany for it. 0.98

00:21:19.000 And I was going to fly to Germany to go do this, but then they started opening these places around.

00:21:23.000 Now they have one, Lifespan Medicine in Santa Monica.

00:21:25.000 I did it this morning.

00:21:26.000 Well, this is what I'm talking about, Joe.

00:21:27.000 It's like, I get the whole, like, you need to suffer to, like, you know, but...

00:21:31.000 But that's for injuries.

00:21:32.000 I know, but it's like...

00:21:33.000 Do you have any injuries you could use as an excuse to get this?

00:21:36.000 I'm just saying, like, the way technology is going now, like, you're covered in tattoos, but, like, you know in five years they're going to have some ray that just gets rid of all your tattoos.

00:21:44.000 They already do.

00:21:45.000 They have Right, but it's not good right now.

00:21:48.000 Well, it's painful.

00:21:49.000 But it'll get, and they'll make it so it's not, you know, they're gonna have everything soon, you know?

00:21:53.000 So I'm like, do I need to, like, really switch my eating habits?

00:21:56.000 Or are they gonna make, like, a, you know, some Oculus Rift fake hamburger where I'm like, oh, yeah, it's delicious, and, you know, I don't know.

00:22:03.000 This is my take on it.

00:22:04.000 I think gluttony and eating, like, lots of delicious food is fun.

00:22:09.000 Right. 1.00

00:22:09.000 But feeling like shit is not fun. 1.00

00:22:11.000 And what I like to do is have cheat days. 0.99

00:22:14.000 What I like to do is I eat real, like, Yeah. 0.99

00:22:38.000 The only thing I ate this morning is two-day unshaved pussy lips and slight hint of urinary tract infection. 0.99

00:22:46.000 That's the only thing I ate today. 0.99

00:22:47.000 And I feel great. 0.99

00:22:48.000 I don't know if you're going to feel great in a couple of hours once the fucking infection kicks in. 0.99

00:22:53.000 I got an iron stomach. 0.99

00:22:54.000 But I will go to fucking In-N-Out Burger, man. 0.99

00:22:57.000 I had Popeye's chicken last night, dude. 1.00

00:22:57.000 I'll fuck up. 1.00

00:22:59.000 And so, because you ate that, that's why you gotta eat this weird ginger drink this morning. 0.99

00:23:02.000 Well, because I eat primarily healthy.

00:23:05.000 Right.

00:23:06.000 Right.

00:23:06.000 Primarily healthy.

00:23:07.000 But then occasionally I go off the rails.

00:23:08.000 Right.

00:23:09.000 But most of the time, my body's getting healthy food.

00:23:12.000 Right.

00:23:12.000 That's the key, because you feel better, man.

00:23:14.000 And you feel good.

00:23:15.000 You'll feel better.

00:23:15.000 I feel great.

00:23:16.000 You'll feel better.

00:23:16.000 You'll have more energy.

00:23:17.000 I drink these blended kale shakes in the morning.

00:23:20.000 I make them myself.

00:23:20.000 Yeah.

00:23:21.000 I throw kale. 1.00

00:23:22.000 Kale tastes like shit. 1.00

00:23:23.000 Tastes like shit. 1.00

00:23:24.000 Why don't you use spinach? 1.00

00:23:25.000 You can do that, too.

00:23:26.000 But I like kale.

00:23:27.000 It's a superfood.

00:23:27.000 Okay.

00:23:28.000 Spinach is a superfood, too.

00:23:29.000 They're all good.

00:23:31.000 Kale's hip.

00:23:32.000 Kale's hip right now. 0.99

00:23:33.000 It's fucking strong. 0.99

00:23:34.000 It's got a lot of nutrients in it. 0.99

00:23:35.000 It's really good for you.

00:23:36.000 What's better, kale or spinach?

00:23:38.000 Probably...

00:23:39.000 Probably kale because it's a little darker, a little greener.

00:23:41.000 That's the key.

00:23:42.000 Like dark green leafy vegetables.

00:23:44.000 They have phytonutrients and all sorts of vitamins and stuff.

00:23:47.000 And you get something out of them.

00:23:49.000 First of all, when I eat them, I'll have a bowl like this high.

00:23:54.000 I'm pointing to about 10 inches. 0.99

00:23:56.000 Like a big fucking salad bowl that you would give to a family. 0.99

00:23:59.000 Like, oh, here's our salad. 1.00

00:24:00.000 And everybody would take a portion. 1.00

00:24:02.000 I'd blend that whole motherfucker up and I'd drink that shit myself. 1.00

00:24:05.000 Wow. 1.00

00:24:05.000 With four cloves of garlic. 1.00

00:24:07.000 I throw a whole apple in there.

00:24:09.000 Ginger. 0.87

00:24:10.000 I throw a chunk of ginger.

00:24:11.000 Right.

00:24:12.000 Like a thumb-sized chunk of ginger. 1.00

00:24:14.000 Everybody else who tastes it goes, what the fuck are you drinking? 1.00

00:24:17.000 But dude, I throw that shit down and it's like rocket fuel. 1.00

00:24:21.000 You feel great. 1.00

00:24:22.000 Boom! 0.99

00:24:23.000 I feel fucking fantastic. 0.97

00:24:25.000 It's better than coffee. 0.99

00:24:26.000 I have like a chorizo bacon burger.

00:24:29.000 I have that too, though!

00:24:30.000 And then I take the top bun off and I go, yes, I'm doing good today.

00:24:33.000 Yeah, you got rid of that gluten.

00:24:35.000 And then I feel supercharged to take a nap.

00:24:38.000 I'm like, yes!

00:24:39.000 You know, I think you're enjoying your success, and you're enjoying your wealth, and you're enjoying pleasure.

00:24:46.000 And that's a part of who you are.

00:24:47.000 And that's also, I think, one of the things about artists is artists are very indulgent.

00:24:51.000 I'm feeling that about my comedian friends.

00:24:54.000 You think so?

00:24:55.000 Yeah, you're very indulgent.

00:24:57.000 And very self-destructive.

00:24:58.000 You're a natural comedian.

00:24:59.000 You are a natural stand-up comedian.

00:25:01.000 You did a thing at...

00:25:03.000 Was it at UCLA? Yeah.

00:25:05.000 You did a thing at UCLA that you put on that video that was up that a bunch of people...

00:25:09.000 Dude, that was like a guy who'd been doing stand-up for years.

00:25:12.000 And you had only done it, like, how many times when you did that?

00:25:12.000 Oh, thanks.

00:25:15.000 That was the first time I did it.

00:25:15.000 The first time.

00:25:16.000 That shit's ridiculous, dude. 1.00

00:25:17.000 Can I plug that? 1.00

00:25:18.000 All right, so... 1.00

00:25:18.000 Fuck yeah. 1.00

00:25:19.000 I put it on my Twitter. 1.00

00:25:20.000 It's on my Twitter if you can find it.

00:25:22.000 Yeah, my...

00:25:23.000 My problem with the internet is I always think it's like the Wild West when it's actually not, so almost everything I put up on YouTube or Vimeo gets flagged.

00:25:32.000 I just put up a new episode of my show, DVD-ASA, and it got flagged.

00:25:36.000 Gets flagged for what?

00:25:38.000 Nakedness?

00:25:39.000 Yeah, nakedness or whatever.

00:25:41.000 You changed your DVD-ASA page.

00:25:45.000 Yeah, it's like Wikipedia now.

00:25:47.000 Dude.

00:25:47.000 It's like, anybody can go on there and change it now.

00:25:49.000 They could say, Dave's a fag, this, whatever, and it'll, you know, I can't believe I just said that. 0.99

00:25:54.000 Well, good luck. 0.99

00:25:54.000 They're gonna do that now. 0.99

00:25:56.000 You did, you made a Wikipedia out of it.

00:25:57.000 Why'd you do that?

00:25:58.000 We used their technology, and we just was like, if some, it's like, it's your website now.

00:26:03.000 Why would you do that?

00:26:05.000 Cause who cares? 1.00

00:26:06.000 You're gonna care once your website is all black dicks. 1.00

00:26:09.000 I know that's what's gonna happen, so whatever. 0.99

00:26:12.000 Current threat level.

00:26:12.000 I love the current threat level.

00:26:14.000 Vitamin Piss Yellow is the current threat level.

00:26:17.000 So everything on that website right now, the fans did it.

00:26:20.000 Oh, that's great. 1.00

00:26:21.000 I'm like, fuck it. 0.99

00:26:22.000 I'm not even gonna maintain my own website. 0.99

00:26:24.000 You had a thing where you got offline, you took down your podcast, and you put up this fucking disclaimer, and I had to text you about it immediately once I read it, because I was alone, it was like 2 o'clock in the morning, I'm in my house, and I'm howling laughing, because you're talking about racism,

00:26:41.000 but you said something that's totally true. 0.95

00:26:43.000 You're like, everyone's afraid of the yellow man. 1.00

00:26:46.000 Like, black men get to fuck, but how come Jackie Chan... 1.00

00:26:49.000 Never got to finger bang or fuck in rush hour one, two, or three. 1.00

00:26:54.000 And I'm like, it's true! 1.00

00:26:55.000 Jackie can't, Chan!

00:26:56.000 Like, he's safe!

00:26:58.000 It's amazing. 0.99

00:27:00.000 I'm in bed fucking this white girl, and I had my phone next to her head like this, and a text comes in, and it's Joe just saying like, ha ha ha ha ha! 0.99

00:27:08.000 And he's writing my press release back to me, and it's, look... 0.99

00:27:14.000 Wait, first of all... 0.95

00:27:15.000 That one quote, though, was so fucking funny. 0.95

00:27:17.000 Yeah, look, I'm just... 0.79

00:27:19.000 I didn't know these kind of facts, but do you know how many Asians are in America?

00:27:24.000 I'm talking about jungle Asians, Japanese, Korean, Filipino, all of the Asians combined. 1.00

00:27:30.000 Do you know how many of them there are in America?

00:27:33.000 Take a guess.

00:27:33.000 What's the number?

00:27:33.000 No.

00:27:34.000 20 million?

00:27:35.000 Or percentage-wise.

00:27:37.000 Oh, percentage?

00:27:38.000 20 million would be what?

00:27:38.000 Yeah.

00:27:40.000 Less than 10%?

00:27:41.000 Yeah, like 7, 8. Yeah, it's 4%.

00:27:43.000 4%?

00:27:44.000 It's 4%.

00:27:44.000 So it's like...

00:27:47.000 I just like...

00:27:48.000 You know, I like doing... 0.99

00:27:49.000 I just like doing shit, you know? 0.99

00:27:50.000 And then people always... 0.99

00:27:51.000 They need to be like, oh, check out this Asian comedian. 1.00

00:27:54.000 Or check out this Asian artist.

00:27:55.000 And I'm like, why can't I just...

00:27:57.000 Be an artist.

00:27:57.000 Yeah, why can't I just be an artist?

00:27:58.000 Why do I always have to be like, you know... 0.99

00:28:00.000 I got mugged by a black guy. 0.97

00:28:01.000 Right, exactly. 0.95

00:28:02.000 It's never I got mugged by a dude. 0.99

00:28:04.000 This dude fucking mugged me, man. 0.99

00:28:06.000 If you say you got mugged by a dude, that's a white guy. 1.00

00:28:08.000 Right. 1.00

00:28:09.000 If I got fucking mugged by this dude... 0.99

00:28:09.000 Like, you know? 0.99

00:28:12.000 Yeah, and you know, also Akira, she's on my show. 0.93

00:28:14.000 The first time I met her was...

00:28:26.000 I don't know. 1.00

00:28:37.000 In America where they're they're all Asian and then the I'm like what the male perf I'm like yeah that exists and they're like no it doesn't They go the only place in porn where you see an Asian guy is gay porn and he's the bottom So he's literally getting fucked in his ass and that's the only place you see him. 1.00

00:28:54.000 So what about Japanese porn? 1.00

00:28:56.000 No, but that's in Japan. 0.99

00:28:57.000 I'm saying in America.

00:28:59.000 And I'm like, wow, 2005, whatever, and that still doesn't exist yet?

00:29:02.000 And so I go on the set, and then the guy that's the performer is Filipino, and I'm like, that doesn't even count.

00:29:08.000 It doesn't count?

00:29:08.000 They're not Asian?

00:29:09.000 No, they count.

00:29:10.000 I'm just joking.

00:29:11.000 So I go, wow, that's weird.

00:29:13.000 And then I just... 0.99

00:29:14.000 You know, the shit I talk about on my show, the shit I just do, and then I just... 1.00

00:29:18.000 It's like if you talked about it, it would be fine if a black guy talks about it. 1.00

00:29:21.000 But it's just... 0.80

00:29:22.000 It brings out these people, and they just...

00:29:26.000 They're so offended by it and I go...

00:29:29.000 And I know in the script for Romeo Must Die, Jet Li kisses Aaliyah at the end, but they changed it to, they just danced together. 0.97

00:29:36.000 And, you know, Jackie Chan is the star of Rush Hour, a fucking billion dollar franchise. 1.00

00:29:42.000 Why doesn't he get to fuck or finger bang? 1.00

00:29:44.000 Why not? 1.00

00:29:45.000 Like, okay, fine.

00:29:46.000 He didn't get to do it in one. 1.00

00:29:48.000 Maybe in two he gets to fuck. 0.99

00:29:49.000 Alright, well, you know, it's like, why can't they be sexual, you know? 1.00

00:29:56.000 And...

00:29:57.000 I don't know the answer to that.

00:29:58.000 The male Asian with the white woman is such a rare combination in movies and in television. 0.98

00:30:06.000 It's so fucking rare. 0.98

00:30:06.000 Right. 0.98

00:30:07.000 That when they're doing it, it almost feels like they're doing it on purpose.

00:30:10.000 Right.

00:30:11.000 And it's like, but... 0.92

00:30:13.000 Because there was once that with the black guys. 1.00

00:30:15.000 Black guys, if I see you with white women, we're going to kill you. 1.00

00:30:19.000 But now it's like... 1.00

00:30:20.000 Gentle fever. 1.00

00:30:20.000 Fix that shit. 1.00

00:30:22.000 Made it a disease. 1.00

00:30:24.000 I don't know.

00:30:25.000 My best guess on it is when...

00:30:27.000 This is just my guess. 1.00

00:30:31.000 When I hear people go, oh man, those fucking Asians are like... 1.00

00:30:35.000 They're taking over all the best spots at all the best universities and they're owning all the real estate and China's taking over the world. 1.00

00:30:42.000 It's like...

00:30:43.000 They're taking everything. 0.99

00:30:44.000 They can't take our white pussy on top of that, you know, so I don't know I don't know what it is But I just know like when I do shit like I get a lot more slack for it then but whatever I don't I don't give a shit Well the point that you were making I mean, I know you're just being funny, but the point you were making is true I mean you don't see Asian guys get laid in movies and if they do it's with an Asian girl, 1.00

00:31:06.000 right? 1.00

00:31:07.000 I mean I'm sure there's examples.

00:31:08.000 There's one It's Steven Yoon from Walking Dead. 1.00

00:31:11.000 Got to fuck Maggie. 1.00

00:31:13.000 That's the only one. 1.00

00:31:13.000 That's true. 1.00

00:31:14.000 That's a perfect sandwich. 0.93

00:31:15.000 Maggie's pretty goddamn hot, too. 1.00

00:31:17.000 That's a good one. 0.97

00:31:18.000 I high-fived him for that.

00:31:19.000 That's a victory for the Asians. 1.00

00:31:21.000 And he stayed alive for many seasons.

00:31:23.000 Yeah.

00:31:24.000 So he's doing it.

00:31:25.000 Wait, can I just plug the thing really quick?

00:31:25.000 Yeah.

00:31:27.000 Fuck yeah. 1.00

00:31:27.000 What is the thing? 1.00

00:31:28.000 The video.

00:31:29.000 Well, it's vidme.

00:31:30.000 vid.me.

00:31:32.000 I've been looking forever because everyone's like, why don't you just have your own platform or whatever?

00:31:36.000 And I'm like, I don't want to spend time doing that.

00:31:38.000 Hire somebody.

00:31:39.000 Well, I mean, it's just like when you do it yourself, it always...

00:31:42.000 I don't know.

00:31:42.000 I don't want to...

00:31:43.000 For me to have less employees, it's not even the money thing.

00:31:47.000 I don't want to become a manager, you know?

00:31:48.000 Right.

00:31:49.000 So these kids have started this thing, VidMe, which is like my answer to YouTube or whatever, and I could put anything up there.

00:31:56.000 So I put my comedy special.

00:31:57.000 So if you go to vid.me and then put in DVD or subscribe to DVD, I say you have my comedy special, which is the first time I did comedy at UCLA, which is intercut with like... 0.99

00:32:07.000 Machine guns and girls buttholes and me slapping cigarettes out of smoking vaginas. 1.00

00:32:13.000 There's a lot of stuff. 0.99

00:32:14.000 Stuff that you can't put anywhere.

00:32:17.000 Can I give you a great example?

00:32:20.000 Well, first of all, talk about Instagram.

00:32:22.000 I went on yours and someone found their high school drawing art.

00:32:26.000 You have the frenetic energy of...

00:32:30.000 You got that Bernie Wrightson, and you got all the...

00:32:34.000 You were good.

00:32:36.000 Yeah, you were pretty good, and you went crazy with the detail.

00:32:36.000 I was pretty good.

00:32:40.000 Whenever I see a young guy with lots of detail, I'm like, that motherfucker has a lot of energy that's usually from, especially the subject matter. 0.99

00:32:49.000 Rage. 1.00

00:32:50.000 Drawing every fucking hair on the werewolf's face, and one of the teeth, and they're glistening with the fucking blood and whatever. 0.99

00:32:57.000 Well, I was obsessed with comic book art. 0.99

00:32:59.000 Yeah, I mean, it's great.

00:33:00.000 I mean, I think from what I saw...

00:33:02.000 Yeah, from what I saw...

00:33:03.000 And how old were you when you did that?

00:33:05.000 Somewhere in high school.

00:33:06.000 Probably 15 or 16. That's what I'm saying.

00:33:09.000 Like, you stopped at some point, right? 1.00

00:33:10.000 I had an asshole fucking art teacher, man. 1.00

00:33:12.000 He wasn't... 1.00

00:33:13.000 Look... 1.00

00:33:14.000 I feel bad for the dude because he was clearly a dork. 0.99

00:33:20.000 That's great. 1.00

00:33:21.000 He had this way of talking about shit where he just killed all your dreams. 0.99

00:33:27.000 I would draw... 1.00

00:33:28.000 All like Conan the Barbarian and ninjas and werewolves. 1.00

00:33:33.000 I would draw shit that I would like to buy. 1.00

00:33:35.000 Yeah, teenage boy shit. 1.00

00:33:35.000 Teenage boy shit. 1.00

00:33:37.000 That's awesome. 1.00

00:33:38.000 I love that.

00:33:39.000 I did a whole series of little kid stories that went wrong. 0.99

00:33:44.000 Three little pigs. 1.00

00:33:46.000 There's a werewolf who fucking just attacks the pigs. 1.00

00:33:48.000 I had Humpty Dumpty. 1.00

00:33:49.000 I'll pull that one up eventually.

00:33:50.000 Humpty Dumpty with an axe.

00:33:51.000 You're an artist.

00:33:52.000 You're an artist.

00:33:53.000 Yeah, well, I certainly was.

00:33:55.000 That's what I was going to do for a living.

00:33:57.000 Until I started fighting.

00:33:59.000 And then when I started fighting, I became completely obsessed with that.

00:34:02.000 Because it was so primal and so much different than anything else I'd ever done.

00:34:05.000 See, we have the same story up until then.

00:34:07.000 Or even up until then.

00:34:09.000 Because in high school, I drew like that too.

00:34:11.000 Like crazy detail or whatever.

00:34:14.000 And then I started fighting too.

00:34:15.000 And then I started fighting all the time.

00:34:15.000 And I loved it.

00:34:17.000 Except I never won. 1.00

00:34:19.000 90% of the fights I get my ass kicked. 0.99

00:34:21.000 I still loved it. 1.00

00:34:22.000 I'd be like, yeah, let's fuck these dudes up. 0.99

00:34:24.000 Oh, you mean like fighting on the street? 1.00

00:34:26.000 Yeah, well, I had a lot of anger.

00:34:28.000 Oh, you mean fighting at the dojo?

00:34:28.000 So I didn't do that.

00:34:30.000 I only had like one fight in high school, and it wasn't really much of a fight.

00:34:33.000 Well, one other time.

00:34:35.000 The best one, the most important one for me, was this dude...

00:34:40.000 We weren't even, like, fighting.

00:34:42.000 It's like he was this kid, like, they bust these black kids in from bad neighborhoods, Newton South High, and there was this one kid, and me and him, we used to look at each other, like, in the hallway, and, like, you know, he would stare at me, and I would stare at him, and nothing really happened, but then one day,

00:34:57.000 we were in the locker room together, and I was passing him, he looked at me, and I don't remember what was said, but I remember the Dude grabbed me and hip-tossed me down to the ground.

00:35:07.000 Threw me on my back and held me down.

00:35:09.000 And he was thinking about punching me.

00:35:11.000 He was like holding me and he went like, nah, and just held me and then let me up.

00:35:15.000 I was totally humiliated.

00:35:16.000 Totally humiliated.

00:35:17.000 You said the N-word with the E-R? No, no, no, no, no.

00:35:20.000 I didn't say anything. 0.99

00:35:21.000 I mean, I think I said like, what the fuck, you know, or something like when he was holding me. 0.98

00:35:24.000 But I realized, oh my God, I don't know how to wrestle. 0.99

00:35:26.000 I think I was probably 14. I was like, God damn it, I don't know. 0.97

00:35:29.000 I need to learn how to wrestle. 0.98

00:35:30.000 But that humiliating feeling, you like, I don't want to ever feel that again.

00:35:33.000 It was terrible.

00:35:34.000 I'd never, I'd taken like a couple karate classes before then, but no grappling whatsoever.

00:35:39.000 Right.

00:35:39.000 So, at the same time, I joined the wrestling team, and I started getting really serious about Taekwondo at the very same time.

00:35:45.000 Right.

00:35:45.000 And it was because of that dude.

00:35:46.000 Like, I owe him. 0.98

00:35:48.000 He made me who I became, like, for real, because he humiliated the shit out of me. 0.98

00:35:48.000 Right. 0.98

00:35:52.000 But looking at...

00:35:54.000 Like, that changed your course down that path, but if that never happened and you stuck with the art, I mean, that looks pretty good, man.

00:36:01.000 Well, I enjoyed art.

00:36:02.000 I still draw.

00:36:02.000 I still do.

00:36:03.000 Do you draw like that?

00:36:04.000 Yeah, I could still draw like that.

00:36:05.000 Yeah, I like the cross-hatching and all that stuff, yeah. 1.00

00:36:08.000 I love cross-hatching.

00:36:09.000 Yeah, I like to do pencil and then ballpoint pen over the pencil.

00:36:15.000 That's my favorite style.

00:36:17.000 I have some other stuff that I'll put up that I did like that.

00:36:18.000 Yeah, I want to check Because technical pens are always found to be a little too permanent.

00:36:23.000 I feel like with a ballpoint pen, you can sort of almost barely touch the paper and the image just starts to slowly come out.

00:36:31.000 Do this with your kids.

00:36:33.000 Ballpoint pen, draw on bananas.

00:36:36.000 Like, that sensation of a ballpoint pen on a banana is, like, the best thing.

00:36:40.000 And then, like, the next day when the banana peel dries up, the drawing looks different.

00:36:44.000 My kids love art, man.

00:36:45.000 Yeah, it's a fun thing.

00:36:46.000 But my progression was the same thing. 0.99

00:36:48.000 Everything in high school was this shit, like, cross-hatching, pen, pencil, prisma colors. 0.99

00:36:55.000 And then, you know, I discovered spray paint, which was, like, the fucking, like, the best thing ever. 0.99

00:37:01.000 It's like, oh my god, I discovered the Matrix, you know?

00:37:04.000 and then acrylic and oil paint but what I discovered now after painting and drawing for years is that all those things I just said spray paint, oil, acrylic is you just even pencils like you draw something you create something and if you don't like it you just paint over it you just erase it and then the new thing that like I just that this is like like alchemy or like painting with with magic is the watercolor It's like the

00:37:34.000 medium in art that has, I'd probably say the least amount of respect, because it's like, oh, watercolor, you think of old ladies on Sunday.

00:37:42.000 Yeah, why is that?

00:37:43.000 I don't know, but this whole book that I did is all watercolors.

00:37:46.000 It's like 300 pages of watercolors, and I'm like...

00:37:50.000 I'm a pretty well-respected artist now.

00:37:53.000 I should be able to get this thing published.

00:37:54.000 I shouldn't have to self-publish it.

00:37:56.000 I don't want to self-publish it.

00:37:58.000 In the same way, I don't want to put up my own...

00:38:00.000 What do you call it?

00:38:04.000 I don't want to start my own YouTube or whatever.

00:38:06.000 I just would rather do the art and have a respected publisher put it out.

00:38:11.000 So I turned the book in and started this bidding war with all the cool artsy publishers that want to put it out.

00:38:17.000 And they're like, Dave, you've got to take these four pages out. 0.57

00:38:20.000 Our legal team looked at it, and I guess there's obscenity laws, like you can't put an AR-15 in a girl's butthole or whatever.

00:38:28.000 But I thought...

00:38:30.000 You know.

00:38:31.000 It's art.

00:38:31.000 Well, it's art, and I thought, like, we lived in America.

00:38:34.000 I thought you could do whatever, you know.

00:38:35.000 Right.

00:38:36.000 And I keep, I don't know, I guess I keep pushing things and finding out that you can't do them.

00:38:41.000 But you can.

00:38:41.000 You can.

00:38:42.000 You just can't do it in their forum.

00:38:44.000 That's all it is.

00:38:44.000 Right.

00:38:45.000 And I go, what's the problem?

00:38:47.000 They're like, we might get sued.

00:38:48.000 I go, well.

00:38:49.000 I don't know.

00:38:49.000 By who?

00:38:50.000 It's always like this preemptive, like this imaginary fear, and I go.

00:38:54.000 We need people like you out there.

00:38:55.000 I go, look.

00:38:57.000 I was excited because I was like, oh, these are the publishers that I like.

00:39:00.000 I would love to work with you.

00:39:03.000 I put the book out myself.

00:39:07.000 We sold it out, the special edition, right away.

00:39:10.000 If you want to get it, it's at davidshow.com.

00:39:15.000 We made so much money on it.

00:39:17.000 I don't want to say this like I'm bragging, but I didn't even want to make that money.

00:39:21.000 I would rather someone else make that money.

00:39:23.000 I just wanted to put it out, but it's like...

00:39:25.000 They wouldn't do it, so you had to do it yourself.

00:39:27.000 And that's sort of...

00:39:28.000 I bring that up because I'd rather just...

00:39:30.000 It's so easy to just do a video and throw it up on YouTube.

00:39:33.000 That's so easy. 0.97

00:39:34.000 I don't want to fucking find... 0.98

00:39:36.000 You know, it's like I just want to make shit and just put it out there, but everything I do gets taken down, so I just got to, you know... 0.98

00:39:43.000 Well, you're an unusual guy in an unusual situation, and you want to be free. 0.96

00:39:49.000 You want to be free to express yourself. 1.00

00:39:51.000 And, you know, someone could say, like, oh, fuck him, and he's this, and he's that, and he's arrogant, and he's this. 1.00

00:39:56.000 But no, you're you. 1.00

00:39:57.000 You're being free.

00:39:58.000 You're not worried.

00:39:59.000 You're not being a fake.

00:40:01.000 You are actually doing things that you're interested in.

00:40:03.000 And in a lot of ways...

00:40:04.000 This is a real problem that we have in society with needing someone to publish your stuff.

00:40:10.000 Because if you need someone to publish your stuff, then they're going to have to approve it.

00:40:13.000 And then you're not going to get the original vision of the artist or the writer or whatever.

00:40:16.000 You're going to get a bunch of other people's opinions of what you should broadcast, what you should publish.

00:40:22.000 Well, look, can I ask you this?

00:40:23.000 Because you are, like, since I first did your show, I think the first time I ever did your show, I've never been on TV. You have a long career in TV, Fear Factor, the UFC stuff.

00:40:37.000 I've been on TV twice now.

00:40:39.000 I did Anthony Bourdain shows, Parts Unknown, and I did The News for HBO, for Vice HBO. Both shows that I've been on won Emmys.

00:40:50.000 It's like, everything I do doesn't have to be guns in buttholes.

00:40:54.000 You know, I can work within...

00:40:56.000 They're like, hey, do comedy, but don't cuss, and then I can do it.

00:41:01.000 But...

00:41:02.000 So, the two times I did TV, they're like, oh, Dave, those shows you won won Emmys, and so the floodgates sort of opened, and now I have all these people interested in doing shows with me, but they're...

00:41:14.000 Do you ever have this experience?

00:41:16.000 You know a lot of rich people and whatever.

00:41:18.000 I sit in boardrooms with CEOs and people that run these companies, and they're billionaires, and they run the world.

00:41:26.000 They have way more money than me.

00:41:27.000 They have way more power, fame, whatever.

00:41:30.000 And they're still not free men.

00:41:32.000 They're like, they answer to AOL, Disney, or I don't know, like, they go, yeah, like, you gotta take these four people.

00:41:42.000 They're afraid to take chances. 1.00

00:41:43.000 I go, you're a fucking billionaire. 1.00

00:41:45.000 Like, who gives a shit? 1.00

00:41:47.000 It's like, Oh, wow, you have all the money in the world, yet you still have to answer to shareholders, like your business partners, your wife. 0.99

00:41:55.000 I don't know.

00:41:56.000 I made a conscious decision not to get married.

00:41:58.000 I don't have kids.

00:41:59.000 I don't work for anybody.

00:42:00.000 And so it's like, man, it would be so easy for me to just sign this deal and do this TV show.

00:42:06.000 But then they're like...

00:42:07.000 But then you can't have Hong Dynasty on your Instagram. 1.00

00:42:10.000 Fuck that. 1.00

00:42:10.000 Don't ever let anybody take you from doing what you're doing. 1.00

00:42:13.000 Well, no one says...

00:42:14.000 Well, the nice thing is no one says you can't do it. 1.00

00:42:16.000 They just go, if you want to be on our team, then you can't do this shit. 1.00

00:42:19.000 Like, what is this Hong Dynasty shit? 1.00

00:42:21.000 That's saying you can't do it. 1.00

00:42:22.000 Look, I've had that when...

00:42:24.000 I've done projects before where they've told me to take down my website.

00:42:26.000 Take down your message board. 1.00

00:42:27.000 I'm like, fuck you. 1.00

00:42:28.000 I'm not taking down shit. 1.00

00:42:30.000 Because if you want me to do that, you want me to compromise myself, it's going to start there and it's going to end up with me wearing a fucking suit, sitting behind a desk, talking to some idiot about a sitcom that I give two fucks about. 1.00

00:42:41.000 That's what happens. 1.00

00:42:42.000 And it's a weird thing because it's like, I didn't give a shit when I was poor. 0.99

00:42:46.000 I didn't give a shit when I was rich. 0.99

00:42:48.000 And then it's like, what, now I'm going to have a boss? 0.98

00:42:50.000 Like, it's weird.

00:42:52.000 You don't have to do that.

00:42:53.000 Just do things that you're doing now.

00:42:54.000 Do it on the internet.

00:42:55.000 I know, but this is what I'm saying, Joe.

00:42:57.000 Like, I don't want, like...

00:42:58.000 Well, let's put it this way.

00:43:00.000 What's the benefit of you doing something on television?

00:43:00.000 Okay.

00:43:02.000 Other than Vice, which is an awesome show, and Anthony Bourdain's show, which is an awesome show.

00:43:06.000 Yeah, those guys are awesome.

00:43:07.000 Doing things like that is great, but...

00:43:09.000 What's the benefit of you doing a television show?

00:43:11.000 Do you need more money?

00:43:12.000 You don't need more money.

00:43:12.000 No, it's not to do more money.

00:43:13.000 It's just like...

00:43:13.000 To do projects.

00:43:14.000 It's just for me, like...

00:43:16.000 I don't know.

00:43:17.000 I just filmed this pilot where just...

00:43:21.000 Yeah, it's not for the money.

00:43:22.000 They don't even have to pay me anything.

00:43:23.000 So what's the benefit?

00:43:24.000 It's like I get to fly somewhere and I get to...

00:43:27.000 Like...

00:43:28.000 Doing a show like this, we can say anything we want, or we could talk about, oh, I want to make this movie and talk about the ideas, but this is making it happen.

00:43:37.000 But you could do that.

00:43:38.000 I know, but it's the thing with the publishing.

00:43:41.000 It's so much easier for...

00:43:43.000 When I showed up on Bourdain's set...

00:43:45.000 It's all taken care of.

00:43:46.000 I was like, wow!

00:43:47.000 This producer called everyone?

00:43:48.000 This cameraman's an award-winning cinematographer?

00:43:51.000 He knows what he's doing?

00:43:52.000 I don't want to become the guy that's like, oh, I've got to start my own network now? 0.98

00:43:56.000 I've got to hire my own guys and do all this shit? 0.97

00:43:58.000 You can do that, though, man. 0.99

00:43:59.000 You can have meetings, and one of the things you could do is get a manager. 0.99

00:44:04.000 Get a nice Jewish boy who understands show business and tell that motherfucker, this is me. 1.00

00:44:10.000 I like to put AR-15s, upgirls, buttholes. 1.00

00:44:10.000 I'm David Cho. 1.00

00:44:13.000 I like to do watercolor paintings that are obscene.

00:44:15.000 I like to do this thing called DVD ASA that gets me fired from HBO. I'm a crazy man. 0.92

00:44:21.000 Nobody fired me. 0.97

00:44:21.000 Nobody fired you. 0.97

00:44:22.000 I got an option.

00:44:23.000 We'll talk.

00:44:24.000 We'll talk. 0.60

00:44:25.000 I got tons of money and I like to do fun shit and I don't want to have a boss, but I want to be able to do cool projects. 0.85

00:44:30.000 I want to enjoy life. 0.97

00:44:31.000 I want to have adventures.

00:44:33.000 So, what do we need to do to hire a bunch of real good union cameramen to set up a real good production studio where we can edit video, hire legit people? 0.99

00:44:44.000 I don't want to deal with shit. 0.99

00:44:45.000 I just want to go do my stuff. 0.99

00:44:47.000 You handle all that, and you could do all that, and it could become profitable.

00:44:50.000 Easily.

00:44:51.000 Easily.

00:44:52.000 Well, I mean...

00:44:53.000 I'm not your manager.

00:44:53.000 But that's what I'm saying.

00:44:54.000 It's like being a reluctant entrepreneur.

00:44:58.000 I don't want to do that, but I'm going to have to.

00:45:01.000 You should.

00:45:02.000 You know?

00:45:02.000 You should.

00:45:03.000 The stuff you're doing, this Hong Dynasty stuff, it's fun. 0.84

00:45:05.000 That was like just...

00:45:06.000 You know, it's like... 0.73

00:45:08.000 It's like a weird feeling to go to a Denzel movie or a Liam Neeson movie and you're sitting there and you're like, this is shitty.

00:45:16.000 But you're like, it's so much money behind it.

00:45:18.000 How did it even get made?

00:45:20.000 Or you're sitting in an editing room and you're working on a show and you're like, wow, that part's really funny.

00:45:27.000 It's like, that's never going to be on TV. Why?

00:45:31.000 Everyone in this room agrees that's the funniest thing.

00:45:34.000 It'll never be on TV. Why?

00:45:35.000 Because of Coast's soap commercial is going to pull their ads if you do that. 0.98

00:45:40.000 That's half the best shit I've ever said on Fear Factor. 0.96

00:45:42.000 Never made it to the air. 1.00

00:45:43.000 Because I would fuck with the contestants and say ridiculous shit that I knew wasn't going to be on the air. 1.00

00:45:43.000 Exactly. 1.00

00:45:48.000 I would love to see that.

00:45:49.000 But you've got to understand that that's not what they're trying to do.

00:45:52.000 Their business is not the business of artistic expression.

00:45:55.000 Their business is the business of making money.

00:45:56.000 What's the best way to optimize their chances of making money? 0.99

00:45:59.000 You've got to get a real cookie-cutter bullshit television show. 0.98

00:46:03.000 But they're saying that there's no audience for a Fear Factor type show where Joe fucks with the contestants. 0.99

00:46:08.000 There is. 0.58

00:46:09.000 But it's not that...

00:46:10.000 Forum that forum is already been established.

00:46:12.000 It's already locked down.

00:46:13.000 It's already censored But what you're doing on the on the internet is a wild wet like this podcast has no boss There's no one to tell us what we're gonna talk about we could do whatever we want, right?

00:46:24.000 And it's because it's on the internet you could do the same sort of thing and run into what I do Which is like hey Joe you're on like you know, whatever the network UFC is on or you know anytime you do TV stuff Do they ever go hey Joe?

00:46:36.000 I've had a few issues. 0.99

00:46:37.000 You talked about some fucking crazy shit on your last show. 0.99

00:46:39.000 You gotta take that episode down. 1.00

00:46:41.000 No.

00:46:42.000 I'm not gonna do that.

00:46:43.000 I wouldn't do it.

00:46:43.000 Yeah.

00:46:44.000 There's been a few issues, but I can justify the things that I've talked about.

00:46:47.000 I mean, I'm not just going off on a rail with no clues to what I'm saying.

00:46:52.000 I've never met anyone who knows so much and just can recall that.

00:46:52.000 You love UFC. I love it, yeah.

00:46:56.000 At one point, Dana White or whoever said, Hey, Joe, you're part of UFC. You've been doing it forever.

00:47:03.000 Your podcast is just...

00:47:04.000 I quit.

00:47:05.000 I quit the UFC. You would.

00:47:06.000 In one second.

00:47:06.000 Like that.

00:47:07.000 You wouldn't say, I love it so much that I can...

00:47:07.000 One second.

00:47:09.000 I've come close a couple times.

00:47:11.000 Yeah.

00:47:11.000 Wow.

00:47:12.000 There's no way.

00:47:13.000 I'll never change what I do in stand-up, and I'll never change what I do with the podcast. 1.00

00:47:17.000 I firmly believe that if I did that, I would be a miserable fuck. 0.99

00:47:21.000 Right. 1.00

00:47:22.000 If I decided...

00:47:22.000 I believe that, too.

00:47:23.000 I'm going to censor the podcast, and now I'm not going to have people like David showing... 1.00

00:47:26.000 He's a fucking loose cannon. 0.99

00:47:28.000 He's talking about Jackie Chan finger-banging people. 1.00

00:47:30.000 He's got AR-15s up girls' buttholes. 1.00

00:47:32.000 If I did that, I would fuck myself over. 1.00

00:47:35.000 And plus, I started doing this thing that I like as much as doing the UFC. I started doing these fight companion podcasts where we sit down and we watch the fights. 0.99

00:47:42.000 We put the fight up on there and we drink and we smoke weed and we watch the fights and just talk while the fights are going on.

00:47:48.000 It's the most fun!

00:47:50.000 And you're recording the whole thing.

00:47:51.000 Yeah, and we broadcast it. 1.00

00:47:52.000 You're probably having more fun doing that shit. 0.99

00:47:54.000 And it gets hundreds of thousands of downloads. 1.00

00:47:56.000 Wow, see?

00:47:57.000 It's crazy.

00:47:58.000 I like doing that almost as much as I like being there.

00:48:01.000 Being there is the best.

00:48:01.000 Almost.

00:48:03.000 I mean, don't get me wrong, I love my show and talking about fucking Jackie Chan finger blasting and whatever, but I love getting access to fucking go to the North Pole and interviewing the Norwegian Army General. 0.93

00:48:18.000 I like that stuff too. 0.95

00:48:19.000 And it's like...

00:48:21.000 Well, anytime I'm putting this...

00:48:23.000 I'm like you, man. 0.97

00:48:24.000 I'll never fucking bow down to anybody. 0.99

00:48:27.000 I don't give a fuck. 0.99

00:48:28.000 But at the same time, I don't have to do anything, you know? 0.99

00:48:31.000 Right.

00:48:31.000 You could just sit down and just chill.

00:48:34.000 Well, you have what's really fuck you money. 0.99

00:48:34.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:48:37.000 You really have it.

00:48:38.000 I mean, that's an expression. 1.00

00:48:39.000 You have fuck you money. 1.00

00:48:41.000 It does feel good, right? 1.00

00:48:42.000 You gotta use that fuck you money. 1.00

00:48:44.000 Use it to say fuck you. 1.00

00:48:45.000 And when you do a television show where they compromise you, hey, you gotta take down DVD ASA, or you gotta stop doing AR-15 up girls' butthole pictures. 1.00

00:48:54.000 You automatically, you get rid of the whole point of having fuck you money. 1.00

00:48:58.000 You can't say fuck you. 1.00

00:49:00.000 Who you are is this weird, unique artist dude who likes doing, you like pushing boundaries, you like being open about everything from prostitutes to sexual proclivities to overeating and diabetes, but that's you, man. 1.00

00:49:15.000 Right.

00:49:15.000 You're a good dude.

00:49:16.000 You know, I like you.

00:49:17.000 I like you too, man. 0.98

00:49:18.000 I don't worry about guys like you getting corrupted by the fucking grist for the mill, get stuck in the machine where they figured out, how can I make more money off of David Cho? 0.98

00:49:27.000 You know what they did with, here's a perfect example. 0.99

00:49:29.000 You know what they did with Dave Chappelle? 0.95

00:49:31.000 Dave Chappelle was doing the fucking Chappelle Show, which in my opinion is the greatest sketch show of all time. 0.98

00:49:36.000 The best. 0.99

00:49:37.000 He's one of the funniest stand-up comedians of all time.

00:49:39.000 Years later, we could still watch repeats. 0.99

00:49:40.000 It's funny as shit. 0.99

00:49:41.000 That guy, the blind, white, racist who was a black guy, is still one of the greatest sketches of all time. 1.00

00:49:48.000 The race trading, the Chinese taking the Wu-Tang Clan, and all that stuff. 0.98

00:49:53.000 Yes! 0.98

00:49:53.000 Fucking brilliant, brilliant, brilliant, brilliant show. 0.98

00:49:56.000 They started telling him he couldn't say nigger. 0.99

00:49:58.000 They started telling him to stop saying it.

00:50:00.000 And he was like, what are you talking about?

00:50:01.000 They were like, we can get more money from advertisement if you stop saying this or you stop saying that or don't do this or do...

00:50:06.000 And that's when he went crazy or maybe went sane and decided, you know what, I got some money. 0.91

00:50:12.000 And they had a $50 million offer to fucking renew and this and that. 1.00

00:50:16.000 And he just said, fuck this. 1.00

00:50:18.000 He went to Africa, tried to relax and find himself and came back and he quit the fucking show. 1.00

00:50:22.000 And he quit the show because they were turning him into something else. 0.99

00:50:26.000 They were trying to take this uncensored, brilliant, artistic mind and make him a commodity.

00:50:33.000 And that's what happens, man.

00:50:35.000 But that's their business.

00:50:36.000 It's like being alone with a wolf and the wolf eats you when it's hungry. 1.00

00:50:42.000 Of course, it's a fucking wolf. 1.00

00:50:43.000 That's what they do. 1.00

00:50:44.000 You can't be upset at a wolf for eating you.

00:50:47.000 That's their nature.

00:50:49.000 And the nature of people that run these...

00:50:53.000 Production studios and networks, they're not evil.

00:50:55.000 They just make money.

00:50:57.000 And the way to make money, how much money can you get from Toyota?

00:51:00.000 Well, Toyota will give you X amount of money if you don't have any swears.

00:51:04.000 They'll give you X more if you cut out this and don't do that.

00:51:08.000 They'll sign on for three years, a three-year commitment. 0.99

00:51:11.000 That's the way that shit works. 0.99

00:51:12.000 It's just about maximizing profit. 0.99

00:51:15.000 I've worked every job.

00:51:16.000 I've worked in advertising. 1.00

00:51:18.000 I've done all that shit. 0.99

00:51:19.000 When I made the fuck you money, I sat down and I have five guys that work with me now and I had a meeting and I said, the point of what we do, and it's never been, and especially now, is to not make money. 1.00

00:51:30.000 You know, I know I could sit here and talk to you about, like, should you turn into subscription-based or ads and this and that. 0.98

00:51:35.000 We've never had ads on my show, because I don't have to.

00:51:38.000 And it's like, it would be nice if we made stuff that did make money, but that is never...

00:51:42.000 You know, the last three years, like, everything I do just, like, hemorrhages and bleeds money.

00:51:48.000 But, you know, I can sell one painting and make that money back in one day.

00:51:52.000 And, you know, it's like...

00:51:55.000 People have had this discussion before when they're at 7-Eleven buying a Scratcher or Super Lotto ticket, and they're like, man, if I had $100 million, this is what I would do.

00:52:04.000 But it's like, in this country, and I don't want to go on a diatribe about greed or whatever, it's like, when is it enough?

00:52:10.000 Right.

00:52:10.000 Like, when is it, like, so...

00:52:12.000 You gotta show the Chappelle show and he wants to say nigger. 0.90

00:52:16.000 Just let him say it. 0.88

00:52:17.000 He feels good.

00:52:18.000 He's allowed to say it.

00:52:20.000 But see, they're not Chappelle.

00:52:23.000 So when you have people that are not creative people, they're certainly not responsible for his creative vision.

00:52:29.000 And they start interfering with it and trying to monetize it.

00:52:32.000 That's when it becomes a problem.

00:52:33.000 When it isn't a problem is when you... 0.85

00:52:36.000 Who is the artist is in complete control, like a podcast, like your DVD ASA podcast, or like Hong Dynasty or any of this other shit you do, like all of your paintings. 0.99

00:52:45.000 No one's standing over you and go, Dave, stop painting tits. 1.00

00:52:48.000 You're painting vagina. 1.00

00:52:49.000 You're making women objects. 1.00

00:52:51.000 You're doing this.

00:52:52.000 You can't be you if that's happening.

00:52:52.000 You're doing that.

00:52:56.000 And look, maybe some people are going to criticize you.

00:52:59.000 And maybe you'll take that criticism to heart, and it'll change your opinion about things, which is totally honest and fine.

00:53:05.000 If someone says, you know, hey Dave, I'm tired of you painting, blah, blah, blah.

00:53:08.000 And then you go, you know what, I don't want anybody to feel bad.

00:53:12.000 I'm just trying to express myself.

00:53:14.000 Maybe I wasn't looking at it from their point of view.

00:53:16.000 And then you could sort of alter your point of view.

00:53:18.000 There's nothing negative about that.

00:53:19.000 It's part of developing, maturing, growing, taking in all sorts of different influences.

00:53:24.000 It's part of being a human being.

00:53:25.000 But there's a big difference between that and doing it only for money.

00:53:29.000 And that's what happens when you get attached to a network.

00:53:31.000 And it's not their fault.

00:53:32.000 It's just what they do.

00:53:34.000 Like, I've never talked to anybody about selling this thing.

00:53:34.000 But it's why.

00:53:38.000 I would never sell this thing.

00:53:39.000 This is just...

00:53:40.000 We started this out, Brian and I... It would go bad the day that happened.

00:53:44.000 Of course.

00:53:44.000 100%.

00:53:45.000 They'd fuck everything up.

00:53:46.000 They'd say, you gotta stop smoking weed.

00:53:47.000 You guys got lit joints everywhere.

00:53:49.000 You can't do that.

00:53:50.000 What do you mean?

00:53:51.000 It's California.

00:53:51.000 Why can't we?

00:53:52.000 Right.

00:53:52.000 I have a medical marijuana license.

00:53:54.000 Who gives a fuck anybody? 0.99

00:53:55.000 We have whiskey here all the time. 0.99

00:53:57.000 Nobody complains about that.

00:53:58.000 What are we complaining about?

00:54:01.000 There's millions of people that smoke weed.

00:54:03.000 You're telling me that those people's money is not worth anything?

00:54:06.000 The weed dollar is not real money? 1.00

00:54:08.000 You gotta respect the fucking stoner dollar! 1.00

00:54:11.000 We're people! 1.00

00:54:12.000 I pay taxes!

00:54:13.000 Okay? 1.00

00:54:14.000 I'm in the fucking NRA, goddammit! 0.99

00:54:18.000 There's a real problem when people try to take creative ideas and turn those creative ideas into some sort of a complete monetary venture. 0.99

00:54:29.000 And that's what happens when you get involved with a television show.

00:54:32.000 It's just what it is.

00:54:33.000 There's some sort of compromise involved.

00:54:35.000 You don't have to do that.

00:54:36.000 Here's the problem, Joe.

00:54:37.000 It's like...

00:54:38.000 When I paint something, some people will see it.

00:54:41.000 If I have it in an art gallery, I don't go to art galleries.

00:54:44.000 The spectrum of media is like this, right?

00:54:46.000 At the top is network television, blockbuster Hollywood movies, and then video games, or maybe video games is at the top, and then it's like You know music and then you know books comic books and at the very bottom is art right so at the very top There's the most censorship.

00:55:04.000 There's the most like people with their people involved You can't say this you can't do that dolphin tail to right and at the very bottom is His art where I can Paint anything and no one cares and it's not literal.

00:55:20.000 Not only that, it's a direct connection to the art.

00:55:23.000 You have your hands on the brush.

00:55:25.000 You're standing in front of the canvas.

00:55:27.000 There's no one there.

00:55:28.000 You're alone in your warehouse.

00:55:29.000 It's a solitary sport.

00:55:30.000 No one's involved. 0.99

00:55:32.000 Sort of like jerking off. 0.98

00:55:33.000 A lot of cross-hatching. 0.99

00:55:34.000 And you draw this thing and it means whatever it means.

00:55:39.000 To me it means this, to you it means that. 0.97

00:55:44.000 There's very little chances of you becoming a fucking billionaire drawing comic books, but you get to say, what dollar can you put on freedom like that? 0.93

00:55:54.000 But now, because this weird anomaly of where I did make all this money doing art, the floodgates have opened for me to do all types of entertainment, and not to sound too... 0.97

00:56:06.000 Artsy or whatever, I look at everything I do as art.

00:56:09.000 I look at my podcast, my TV stuff.

00:56:11.000 I bring that level of expression and freedom to it, and then it just is not translating well with the higher-ups, I guess.

00:56:19.000 And it's like, hey, you can do whatever you want over here, but don't...

00:56:23.000 There's no higher-ups, bro.

00:56:25.000 I know, there isn't. 1.00

00:56:25.000 They can all suck your dick. 1.00

00:56:27.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:56:28.000 Yeah.

00:56:30.000 There's no higher-ups, man.

00:56:32.000 I mean, this all comes down to other people influencing your creative vision.

00:56:38.000 And you can't ever let that happen.

00:56:40.000 Because your creative vision is what makes you unique.

00:56:42.000 You know, when I talked about being an artist or wanting to be an artist in high school and having this bad art teacher... 0.60

00:56:47.000 I mean, I honestly do feel bad for the dude, because he was really frumpy, and he had a gut, and his fucking posture was bad, and he just was a guy who just had no hope.

00:56:57.000 And what he said to me was like, I would draw all this stuff, and he was like, you gotta do, like, you're gonna have to draw things that you don't wanna draw. 0.72

00:57:05.000 And I said, why?

00:57:06.000 And he said, because you're gonna have to make a living.

00:57:08.000 So if you're going to have to make a living, maybe you're going to work for, this is the thing, the example to use, you're going to have to draw babies for a diaper commercial.

00:57:17.000 And I was like, but I want to be a comic book artist.

00:57:19.000 And he's like, but you may not make it as a comic book artist. 1.00

00:57:22.000 I was like, oh, fuck this. 0.99

00:57:23.000 So my senior year, I didn't even take art. 1.00

00:57:25.000 I was one of the best artists in his class.

00:57:27.000 There was me, this guy, I think his name was John DeVore, he was really good, and this guy, Kevin, who was also really good.

00:57:34.000 These three guys, and we all used to draw the same style stuff.

00:57:37.000 I don't know if They became artists.

00:57:38.000 I don't know what happened.

00:57:39.000 You didn't keep in touch with them?

00:57:40.000 No, high school was weird.

00:57:42.000 I was such a social misfit in high school.

00:57:45.000 Did you ever do a portfolio day where you have all your drawings and you go to Disney or something?

00:57:52.000 No, I never got that far with it.

00:57:54.000 I didn't even get to as far as applying to colleges.

00:57:57.000 When I got out of high school, I went to art school for a year or two, and then I dropped out.

00:58:02.000 And I was just like, how am I going to make a living doing this?

00:58:05.000 And I got all my best drawings, and I went to...

00:58:08.000 I think it was CalArts.

00:58:11.000 It's like an open call, and it's like every single animation studio, every single advertising agency. 0.95

00:58:17.000 And I got there, and it's all these fucking kids with all their art, and there's really long lines to talk to a guy that has a pencil behind his ear and goes... 0.99

00:58:26.000 Work on this yeah work on this and I was like fuck this and so I was like I'm not even gonna wait in this line so I went I went to go take a piss and I saw one of the advertising guys get up and I followed him to the bathroom and I said and I pulled one of those while his dick's out I'm like hey look at look at this crosshatch penis look at this and he's like hey you can't wait in line like everyone else I'm like dude I'm please and he like looked over he's like hey that's pretty good and so he's got his dick out and And I go, 0.99

00:58:52.000 hey, nice fat dick, dude. 1.00

00:58:54.000 No, he gives me his card and he goes, you're fucking dope, man. 1.00

00:58:58.000 You should come to my office in Beverly Hills. 0.99

00:59:00.000 And I was like either 20 or 21 and I was like, yes!

00:59:04.000 And it's one of the biggest advertising agencies in LA. I show up there like with a tie on and everything.

00:59:11.000 And as I walk down the hallway, it's like every movie poster.

00:59:15.000 And I was like, I made it.

00:59:18.000 I'm fucking like young and I'm gonna make a living drawing like this is fucking crazy So I think Back then I don't know how it is now. 0.94

00:59:27.000 They would have all these artists draw in the style. 0.96

00:59:31.000 I forgot Drew Struzan that's that Star Wars They got painted all Star Wars These guys all draw that same style and you draw The movie poster, and then they give that to the photographer, and then the photographer, because, you know, there's no art in movie posters now.

00:59:47.000 Right.

00:59:47.000 And this is, I'm talking about fucking 20 years ago, so I'm sure it's different now.

00:59:52.000 And it was an avalanche movie with... 0.93

00:59:56.000 Chris O'Donnell?

00:59:57.000 Chris O'Donnell.

00:59:59.000 I think the movie was called Avalanche.

01:00:01.000 And so I sat in a room and I was like, this is so cool.

01:00:03.000 I get to see a movie before it came out, you know? 1.00

01:00:05.000 And I'm like, this movie fucking sucks. 0.99

01:00:08.000 And then I'm sitting there watching it with like six old guys with like cigarettes dangling out of their mouth. 1.00

01:00:13.000 I'm like, alright guys, we need avalanches, we need this and this, we need Chris O'Donnell looking like this.

01:00:19.000 And I'm like, this is amazing, you know?

01:00:21.000 And I sit in a room and I draw Chris O'Donnell and There's the poster.

01:00:25.000 Vertical Limit.

01:00:26.000 Vertical Limit.

01:00:26.000 There it is.

01:00:27.000 I think I drew that.

01:00:28.000 Bill Paxton.

01:00:30.000 Yeah.

01:00:30.000 Well, that's what you do.

01:00:31.000 That's pretty good.

01:00:33.000 Is that Willem Dafoe?

01:00:34.000 Who's the guy in the back?

01:00:35.000 I don't remember.

01:00:36.000 Who is that?

01:00:36.000 Scott Glenn.

01:00:37.000 Scott Glenn.

01:00:38.000 Oh, that guy.

01:00:39.000 Yeah, that guy's awesome.

01:00:40.000 So I got all their headshots.

01:00:41.000 I'm drawing them.

01:00:42.000 The art director's coming in and he's like, you know, it's amazing.

01:00:45.000 He starts with a compliment.

01:00:47.000 Can you do it again?

01:00:47.000 Dave, that's great.

01:00:48.000 Like a little bit smirk, a little bit more heroic.

01:00:51.000 And then, um, not even a day in, I'm like, I hate this job. 0.99

01:00:56.000 I just drew fucking Chris O'Donnell. 0.98

01:00:59.000 And same thing, I had the same thought then. 0.99

01:01:00.000 I'm like, how did this movie get made?

01:01:02.000 Right.

01:01:03.000 Like, who, like...

01:01:03.000 Like, it's horrible.

01:01:05.000 Chris O'Donnell's a beautiful man.

01:01:07.000 I always want to see him.

01:01:08.000 It's a good date night movie.

01:01:10.000 It's very safe.

01:01:11.000 I lasted at that job. 1.00

01:01:13.000 When you say you've got to draw shit. 1.00

01:01:15.000 The next one was a Sandra Bullock movie where she's an alcoholic. 1.00

01:01:20.000 28 days or something.

01:01:22.000 You know that that whole like hey, I'm somewhat part of showbiz and I'm working and I'm making the good money I walked into the guy's office less than a month in I said Like thank you for this like I appreciate it like this.

01:01:34.000 I learned so much I Can't do it.

01:01:37.000 He's like, what are you talking about?

01:01:39.000 Like you you see that line you see how many people would die? 0.99

01:01:41.000 He's like Dave and he closes the doors like I'm gonna tell you something You remind me of me like 20 years ago the fucking crazy hair you got like that fucking punk rock attitude and If you stay here and you do what I tell you, you could be running this fucking place in like 20 years. 0.98

01:01:55.000 And I was like, you know, he gave me a nice ego boost. 0.99

01:01:58.000 Sit down with the devil.

01:01:59.000 Yeah, and I'm like, I wonder if he said this to all those guys out there, you know?

01:02:03.000 Because I was the youngest guy there.

01:02:04.000 And I go, I can't even believe I'm telling you.

01:02:06.000 Like I said, thank you for this opportunity.

01:02:09.000 I can't do this though.

01:02:11.000 I feel like art is my passion.

01:02:11.000 I can't.

01:02:13.000 I love it.

01:02:14.000 I feel like I'm dying here.

01:02:15.000 You know because I thought oh I could draw Chris O'Donnell all day and then at night I could draw whatever I want.

01:02:22.000 AR-15s and buttholes. 0.95

01:02:23.000 Right.

01:02:24.000 But muscle memory.

01:02:25.000 I had just spent the entire day training my hand to draw in the Drew Struzan style of Chris O'Donnell. 1.00

01:02:31.000 I get home and I want to do my shit and I'm like oh fuck that butthole looks like Chris O'Donnell's face. 1.00

01:02:35.000 You know? 0.99

01:02:36.000 So I tell the guy I go hey look I can't believe this great opportunity you gave me but I'm gonna have to regretfully decline this thing and he goes What are you gonna do, Dave?

01:02:46.000 Draw your funny books?

01:02:48.000 He didn't say it in that voice, but he's like...

01:02:50.000 He was like mocking you?

01:02:51.000 Yeah, a little.

01:02:52.000 Not like hardcore, but he's like, what are you gonna do?

01:02:54.000 And he's like, good luck with that.

01:02:56.000 And I was like, you know what?

01:02:58.000 I've made at that young...

01:02:59.000 at that...

01:03:02.000 It's for me the saddest thing when I see young people that have already given in.

01:03:06.000 I'm like, that's the time you fight.

01:03:09.000 That's the time that you should try and fail and try again.

01:03:12.000 And then it's like, when you get old, you're like, at least I tried.

01:03:15.000 Didn't work out.

01:03:17.000 So I said, look, man, I'm going to go for it. 0.98

01:03:19.000 And if I end up fucking broke or poor or whatever, then... 1.00

01:03:22.000 Fuck it, you know? 1.00

01:03:22.000 At least I tried, you know? 1.00

01:03:24.000 Yeah.

01:03:24.000 And the next job from that was drawing midgets and buttholes for Hustler.

01:03:30.000 So I was like, yes!

01:03:31.000 I get to at least draw what I want to draw.

01:03:33.000 Midgets and buttholes for Hustler. 1.00

01:03:34.000 Yeah, I worked for like Asian Fever and the whole Larry Flint. 0.91

01:03:37.000 Yeah, it's trying to monetize a creative vision.

01:03:40.000 It's really important that you try to figure out what is unique in your head.

01:03:47.000 What is in your head?

01:03:48.000 How do you get it out?

01:03:49.000 And if you want to bring up The Chappelle Show or anything, it's like this whole, like, I don't want to start my own network.

01:03:54.000 I don't want to start my own publishing company.

01:03:56.000 It's like, I'm just going to do whatever I want.

01:03:58.000 Knowing that it's not gonna make any money, and then what always happens is because it's so unique and whatever, it does make money. 1.00

01:04:05.000 Oh, that's so easy for you now, Dave, because you have fuck you money. 0.98

01:04:08.000 I'm like, how do you think I got it? 1.00

01:04:10.000 How do you think I fucking got it? 0.97

01:04:12.000 Right, exactly. 0.98

01:04:16.000 I took the chance when I had nothing, and I had nothing to do.

01:04:19.000 They say the rich and the poor have more in common than the middle class, because they both... 0.95

01:04:23.000 Like, if you're poor, you're like, yeah, I got nothing to lose. 0.97

01:04:25.000 If I get sued or whatever, like, they could take, like, my fucking toilet paper roll or whatever, you know? 0.99

01:04:30.000 So, I don't know. 0.99

01:04:32.000 You, look, you're not trying to make money.

01:04:34.000 So, if you're not trying to make money, it's really simple.

01:04:34.000 You have money.

01:04:37.000 Yeah.

01:04:37.000 It's like, you just need a manager.

01:04:38.000 Right.

01:04:39.000 You need someone to come along and take care of everything so you can just be creative.

01:04:41.000 Yeah, I got a great manager.

01:04:43.000 I got great people working with us.

01:04:44.000 I got a great personal trainer.

01:04:46.000 Check this out.

01:04:46.000 Broke my rib.

01:04:47.000 Check out this painting.

01:04:48.000 Tell me what you think about that.

01:04:52.000 It's beautiful.

01:04:54.000 Joe just showed me a painting of a beautiful snow mountain landscape with trees in the style of like Bob Ross.

01:05:01.000 You want to hear something crazy?

01:05:03.000 My six-year-old did that. 1.00

01:05:04.000 Shut the fuck up. 1.00

01:05:05.000 By watching one of those Bob Ross things? 1.00

01:05:07.000 No, she just takes art class. 0.99

01:05:08.000 Are you fucking kidding me? 0.99

01:05:10.000 She's very talented. 0.99

01:05:11.000 She's been doing art since she was really little.

01:05:13.000 Is this oil paint or what?

01:05:14.000 Yeah, I got with her when she was really little to sit down and do a lot of art together.

01:05:19.000 That's amazing.

01:05:19.000 She's talented.

01:05:20.000 I got my art from my uncle.

01:05:22.000 I got it from my family.

01:05:23.000 My grandmother was talented.

01:05:24.000 My uncle's talented.

01:05:25.000 My uncle's an artist.

01:05:27.000 Right.

01:05:27.000 It's all just, it's in the family.

01:05:29.000 You know what I think about when I see that?

01:05:30.000 It's like, have you ever seen, this is going to sound bad, but have you ever seen Hitler's art? 0.62

01:05:36.000 Yes, I have.

01:05:37.000 It's good, but you would think a guy that is a murderer and has murdered millions of people would have a more hardcore...

01:05:45.000 That's great.

01:05:48.000 First of all, the thing Joe just showed me looked like a grown adult.

01:05:51.000 It freaks me out. 0.99

01:05:52.000 The mountains and shit, like the snow in the mountains. 1.00

01:05:55.000 So... 0.99

01:05:56.000 When you're at that age, like the Tiger Woods, Michael Jordan, young person, and you're learning your Picasso, whatever, you're learning your techniques and just getting all that stuff down.

01:06:08.000 Perspective.

01:06:09.000 You get it down, and you're like, wow, I can paint a tree with all the highlights off the leaves and the dew drops, and that's great.

01:06:16.000 That's the time to do that.

01:06:18.000 But then at some point, You have to be like, what's inside me?

01:06:22.000 Is it really a landscape? 0.99

01:06:23.000 Or do I want to paint some crazy shit? 0.99

01:06:25.000 And so she's great. 0.99

01:06:27.000 She has the potential.

01:06:29.000 Everyone has the potential, right?

01:06:30.000 They get to a point.

01:06:32.000 It's like you discovered fighting, but if you never got into fighting, I think you would have been a great artist doing all your werewolf stuff. 0.78

01:06:38.000 Well, I would have enjoyed it.

01:06:39.000 I still love comic book movies.

01:06:40.000 I love comic book art.

01:06:42.000 I love those really glossy comic book magazines and stuff.

01:06:46.000 So when I see Hitler's art and I see these landscapes and just I'm like, dude, if you went as hardcore in your art as you did with killing people, maybe you would have never become a, you know? 0.89

01:06:56.000 Did you see the thing that was out recently about Hitler taking meth?

01:07:00.000 Like, Hitler apparently was really into meth.

01:07:02.000 Sounds about right.

01:07:03.000 Sounds about right, yeah.

01:07:04.000 There was some thing that was recently released. 0.99

01:07:06.000 Like those speeches when he's like screaming and shit? 1.00

01:07:08.000 He was all methed out of his head. 1.00

01:07:09.000 He was like a meth-addled rant?

01:07:10.000 Well, he was apparently a hypochondriac and he took a bunch of different medications, but one of them is he took meth.

01:07:15.000 Oh, wow.

01:07:16.000 Yeah, which totally makes sense.

01:07:18.000 Right.

01:07:18.000 One of the things they say with meth is that it completely corrodes your judgment.

01:07:22.000 Your judgment just goes out the window. 1.00

01:07:24.000 Let's kill Jews. 1.00

01:07:25.000 You just kill everybody. 1.00

01:07:29.000 Those crazy speeches, he was probably meth to the tits. 1.00

01:07:32.000 Probably didn't have any nerves at all. 1.00

01:07:34.000 That's why he was so intense and fucking hair flopping around, furious anger in his eyes. 0.99

01:07:40.000 You watch one of his, yeah, Hitler was on crystal meth. 0.99

01:07:43.000 Isn't that crazy?

01:07:43.000 Look at that.

01:07:44.000 What's that website?

01:07:45.000 Is that USA Today?

01:07:47.000 According to a 47 page, I can't read that, military dossier, he used to take bull semen, morphine, tranquilizers, bull semen.

01:07:57.000 I don't think that did anything for him.

01:07:59.000 But the crystal meth, a pill that contained crystal meth, and other drugs, depending on Hitler's... 0.58

01:08:05.000 Have you ever seen Kevorkian's art?

01:08:08.000 No. 0.99

01:08:09.000 Is it fucking crazy? 1.00

01:08:11.000 Creepy as fuck. 1.00

01:08:12.000 Well, you'd imagine. 1.00

01:08:12.000 Wow. 1.00

01:08:13.000 Yeah, but it makes you sort of rethink his motivations.

01:08:17.000 Have you ever seen George Bush's art?

01:08:19.000 Yes. 0.99

01:08:20.000 It's fucking awesome. 0.96

01:08:21.000 I want to buy one. 0.98

01:08:22.000 Him looking in the mirror, have you seen that one?

01:08:24.000 Look at Kevorkian's art. 0.99

01:08:26.000 Pull up some of the more dark, it's all like death stuff, which is really kind of fucked up, man. 0.96

01:08:32.000 It's like, he was really into, like... 0.93

01:08:36.000 Wow.

01:08:37.000 Yeah.

01:08:37.000 Oh my god.

01:08:38.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:08:38.000 That's fucking brutal. 0.99

01:08:40.000 Look at that, man. 1.00

01:08:41.000 That's like demonic shit. 1.00

01:08:42.000 It's a guy being pulled into the abyss. 1.00

01:08:44.000 You see eyeballs behind him and stuff.

01:08:47.000 But there's some other ones that are even more disturbing than that, Jamie. 0.97

01:08:50.000 There's some dead body ones and shit. 0.98

01:08:53.000 Look at this. 0.99

01:08:54.000 Look at this one. 1.00

01:08:55.000 What the fuck is this, man? 1.00

01:08:57.000 Look at this. 1.00

01:08:58.000 It's a dude sitting at a dinner plate with a guy's head on the plate.

01:09:03.000 What's going on here?

01:09:04.000 Zoom up again.

01:09:05.000 It's like a Roman soldier.

01:09:08.000 Go so we see the whole thing.

01:09:08.000 It's a Roman soldier.

01:09:09.000 He's smirking.

01:09:11.000 A guy has his head decapitated.

01:09:14.000 There's a bowl of, what, Jewish stars?

01:09:17.000 The Star of David?

01:09:20.000 And the salt and pepper shaker are like rocket ships? 0.99

01:09:22.000 Yeah, it's fucking crazy. 0.99

01:09:24.000 The guy's got an apple. 1.00

01:09:25.000 The guy's head is cut off.

01:09:26.000 It's on a plate. 0.79

01:09:27.000 There's an apple in his mouth.

01:09:29.000 Okay, so let me ask you, Joe.

01:09:31.000 You have your show where you get drunk and you critique UFC fights.

01:09:36.000 You have this show.

01:09:37.000 You have all these forms of expression.

01:09:38.000 You have stand-up comedy every night.

01:09:42.000 Do you think art is the best...

01:09:44.000 Not for monetizing reasons or fans or whatever, just...

01:09:50.000 When I draw something, and I don't have to write literally, and I just go, wow, and that fucking brushstroke captures exactly what's going on.

01:09:58.000 Isn't that the best feeling? 0.99

01:10:00.000 I don't know what's going on in that Kevorkian shit, but that guy must have had so much shit that that release of painting shit like that is just so therapeutic to me. 0.99

01:10:10.000 Yeah, there's definitely something beautiful about creating something, because you know that it didn't exist before you put your attention to it. 0.99

01:10:16.000 You put your attention to that piece of paper or that piece of clay or whatever you're creating, and you made something out of it, and it existed because you put your attention to it.

01:10:25.000 And whatever it is inside of you, whatever creativity is...

01:10:31.000 It's like you're God creating something out of nothing, you know?

01:10:34.000 Like, there's nothing here and you create it.

01:10:36.000 And then, like, just not to harp on it or sound, you know, it's just with the young people, you know, because I'm sure young people talk to you all the time.

01:10:45.000 And I don't want to sound delusional saying, oh, it's easy for you or guys like Joe, but...

01:10:51.000 The saddest thing is when you enslave yourself at such a young age and throw yourself into...

01:10:56.000 Like, yes, there's people that need to be parking meter cops.

01:10:58.000 There's people that need to work at ad agencies or whatever.

01:11:01.000 But it doesn't need to be you.

01:11:02.000 It doesn't need to be me.

01:11:03.000 It doesn't need to be the person who's listening to me that I'm saying.

01:11:06.000 It doesn't need to be you.

01:11:07.000 There's a lot of fucking people, man. 1.00

01:11:09.000 Right. 1.00

01:11:10.000 Somebody will fall prey to that trap.

01:11:12.000 This is my best advice on that whole thing.

01:11:15.000 There's people that fall in that trap.

01:11:16.000 It's like, you're young. 1.00

01:11:17.000 You can fuck up and you'll still be young. 1.00

01:11:20.000 And then try again. 1.00

01:11:23.000 I'm sure you have a lot of people that are your fans.

01:11:26.000 They go, you did it and you're my idol and I worship you and this and that.

01:11:29.000 And so you did it, so that makes me feel like I can do it. 0.57

01:11:32.000 And my whole thing with that is Like the whole like follow your dreams definitely follow your dreams, you know like definitely go for like your dreams and everything but Like what gets my dick really hard is like when I'm at IHOP and the guy takes my pancake order and He's like,

01:11:49.000 you know, we have three new different syrups for that and like if you do this That's a better combo and he knows his job and he runs to get me the syrup And I'm like this guy maybe doesn't want to be IHOP waiter for his whole life, but the time he's here and He's passionate about it.

01:12:02.000 He's bringing all of his energy to it, and then if IHOP waiter isn't ultimately what he ends up doing, he's gonna bring that, you know?

01:12:10.000 It's like, just...

01:12:11.000 I like it.

01:12:12.000 Try to do...

01:12:13.000 Not everyone's gonna be the best artist.

01:12:14.000 Not everyone's gonna be the best...

01:12:17.000 So when your dreams get crushed, be fucking awesome at your job, even if it's not what you wanted to do.

01:12:17.000 Actor.

01:12:26.000 I think about chefs a lot now, because I'm friends with a lot of celebrity chefs. 0.99

01:12:30.000 That's not a fucking... 0.99

01:12:32.000 You're a servant. 0.99

01:12:33.000 You make food for people.

01:12:34.000 That's not a glamorous thing, which my friends like David Chang and Bourdain...

01:12:38.000 It's becoming more glamorous. 0.98

01:12:40.000 Because they took a shitty job where it's like, fuck, I gotta stand on my feet and wear these weird clog shoes all day and all these, eh, this is too salty and take it back. 1.00

01:12:49.000 It's like a shitty job. 1.00

01:12:50.000 You're like a servant, but... 0.98

01:12:53.000 They took that job and they made it glamorous. 1.00

01:12:55.000 They fucking brought their fucking rock star passion energy to it. 0.99

01:12:59.000 And now it's like, you know, I went to a chef convention, this thing, Mad Symposium in Copenhagen. 1.00

01:13:05.000 And I mean, there's guys with like knife tattoos and weird facial piercings.

01:13:11.000 And I'm like, is this like a rock star convention or something?

01:13:13.000 And so they're artists.

01:13:14.000 Well, yeah.

01:13:15.000 And they brought that to that.

01:13:16.000 And so I'm just like... 1.00

01:13:18.000 Be fucking dope at your job, whatever it is. 1.00

01:13:20.000 Well, I think being a chef is being an artist. 1.00

01:13:22.000 I really do.

01:13:23.000 I think cuisine is a form of art and the different flavors that you can put into someone's mouth.

01:13:29.000 There's an art to that.

01:13:31.000 I really learned that from Bourdain.

01:13:33.000 Watching his show and the passion that he has for it, it's contagious.

01:13:40.000 It makes you appreciate it.

01:13:40.000 Yeah, guys like Bourdain brought it to your attention and so now it's like you meet kids that are like, I want to be a chef when I grow up and it's like that.

01:13:47.000 Yeah.

01:13:47.000 That really didn't exist before.

01:13:49.000 Everybody has something that they're really into.

01:13:53.000 Some people are really into riding horses. 0.99

01:13:55.000 I couldn't give a fuck about riding horses. 0.99

01:13:57.000 Some people are really into, you know, fill in the blank. 0.98

01:14:00.000 It's a matter of what your personality fits best with and trying to pursue it.

01:14:06.000 One of the most insidious things that happens to young kids is not just the compromising early and falling into a slave job.

01:14:13.000 It's being saddled with debt.

01:14:15.000 Right.

01:14:16.000 Being saddled with debt right off the bat. 0.99

01:14:18.000 That happens so fucking often, man. 1.00

01:14:21.000 So often, kids go to school, and then they accrue fucking $300,000 in school debt, and then they get out, and they're fucked. 1.00

01:14:21.000 Right. 1.00

01:14:30.000 They're sick. 0.93

01:14:30.000 And they almost did it to themselves. 0.93

01:14:32.000 Someone will tell them, look, college isn't four years now.

01:14:35.000 It's more like five to six years.

01:14:37.000 You're going to be like a quarter mil in the hole when you get out.

01:14:40.000 And we're not going to teach you anything here that's going to teach you how to make money.

01:14:43.000 You're just going to know a lot about psychology.

01:14:46.000 Especially if you're doing something technologically based.

01:14:49.000 By the time you get out, years later, that stuff's all...

01:14:52.000 Yeah, and a lot of these professors are like dinosaurs. 0.98

01:14:54.000 They're teaching you some shit that's irrelevant now. 0.99

01:14:57.000 Yeah, there's a lot of that, for sure. 0.98

01:14:59.000 And it's just also the idea of wanting to figure out what you want to do with your life and having to choose at 18. You're a baby.

01:15:07.000 When you're 18 years old, you're a baby.

01:15:09.000 You've only been alive for 18 years.

01:15:12.000 It's nothing.

01:15:12.000 It's not even anything.

01:15:14.000 The last couple years is the first years you've been able to make your own decisions.

01:15:18.000 Right.

01:15:19.000 And all of a sudden you have to choose the course of your life.

01:15:22.000 Then you got your parents harping on, David, you should be a doctor.

01:15:25.000 David, you should be a lawyer.

01:15:26.000 David, you should do this.

01:15:28.000 You should do that.

01:15:28.000 For the immigrant experience, a little bit hard.

01:15:31.000 I mean, first of all, everyone who's an American is an immigrant. 0.98

01:15:34.000 So it's like, that experience, the guilt level for the Koreans is like, I escaped from North Korea for you to stick a gun in a girl's butthole. 0.99

01:15:47.000 They use that. 1.00

01:15:48.000 The tanks and the fucking bombs I had to dodge for you to come here and do Hong Dynasty. 1.00

01:15:55.000 Did your family come from North Korea? 1.00

01:15:56.000 No, but I just say that.

01:15:57.000 It's more dramatic.

01:15:58.000 I'm sure someone... 0.99

01:16:00.000 No, but, you know, my dad has the fucking crazy escape story. 0.99

01:16:03.000 My mom has it, too. 0.99

01:16:04.000 It's like...

01:16:05.000 It's nuts, you know?

01:16:06.000 Yeah.

01:16:07.000 Since you brought up debt, can I speak for it for one second?

01:16:11.000 Brought up debt?

01:16:12.000 Like being in debt or whatever.

01:16:14.000 So, I used to do this show, Thumbs Up.

01:16:17.000 I just did the fourth season a year ago.

01:16:20.000 It's still not out yet, but...

01:16:22.000 What is it?

01:16:22.000 It's just me hitchhiking across America.

01:16:24.000 It's still not out.

01:16:25.000 Well, three seasons of it are out on Vice, and then the fourth one's still being edited or whatever.

01:16:31.000 The whole premise of the show is hitchhike from point A to point B, and you can't spend money on anything.

01:16:39.000 It's just to show...

01:16:41.000 Oh man, I'd love to have your life.

01:16:42.000 I'd love to travel.

01:16:43.000 I'm like, I've been hitchhiking since I was 15. I've only almost got raped twice.

01:16:47.000 That's it.

01:16:47.000 That's the worst that's ever happened.

01:16:49.000 Only?

01:16:50.000 Almost.

01:16:50.000 How close?

01:16:51.000 A finger in the butt doesn't count, right? 0.99

01:16:53.000 No, I'm kidding. 0.99

01:16:55.000 Or am I? So it's just, you know, it's weird now because I'm rich and I'm on the side of the road begging for a ride.

01:17:03.000 But when I got to Detroit, basically, let me just show you guys.

01:17:08.000 What do you got there?

01:17:09.000 I'm going to bring out visual reference.

01:17:10.000 You got someone's head in that bag?

01:17:11.000 This is Harry Kim.

01:17:12.000 He's my partner on Thumbs Up, our show.

01:17:15.000 So you got a bag with his face on it?

01:17:17.000 Yeah.

01:17:18.000 I love him.

01:17:19.000 You had this made?

01:17:20.000 So here's $100,000.

01:17:23.000 This is $100,000 real dollars?

01:17:24.000 Yeah, this is $100,000 real dollars.

01:17:25.000 I never felt $100,000 before. 0.99

01:17:27.000 Oh shit, it's kind of heavy. 1.00

01:17:29.000 Damn, fat bricks. 1.00

01:17:30.000 Cash, baby. 1.00

01:17:32.000 Get that pepper, kid.

01:17:34.000 Sup?

01:17:35.000 I like hip-hop, Joe.

01:17:38.000 So, when...

01:17:40.000 I like to gamble, and when I got to Detroit, I didn't realize there was an MGM there.

01:17:46.000 There's an MGM casino there.

01:17:49.000 So in the middle of filming Thumbs Up Season 4, I won 10 grand at the casino.

01:17:56.000 What do I need that for, you know?

01:17:58.000 So, I've never been in Detroit before, or I haven't been in Detroit in, I don't know, since I was 15. You could buy Detroit for 10 grand.

01:18:06.000 It looks horrible.

01:18:07.000 It's pretty bad.

01:18:08.000 And I've been to these third world countries.

01:18:09.000 People are like, oh man, look at Bosnia.

01:18:12.000 I'm like, look at America.

01:18:14.000 It looks horrible.

01:18:15.000 And I couldn't believe it.

01:18:16.000 I was so shocked by it.

01:18:18.000 Because you've heard stories about it.

01:18:19.000 And I was like, I got filmed with so much emotion.

01:18:22.000 I was like, you know, I'm just going to hide this money. 0.93

01:18:24.000 And I just threw it and I hit it around, you know, in shitty areas.

01:18:28.000 And I just put up a tweet.

01:18:29.000 I said, hey, I just hit 10,000 in Detroit.

01:18:32.000 And it's like...

01:18:33.000 I heard about a guy doing that in San Francisco, and he's like, hey, if you find it, tweet it, and it's like this big social media experience.

01:18:38.000 I'm like, I'm not doing a social media experience.

01:18:40.000 I'm just like, hey, I'm fucking hiding money, and then I just walk around the block, and I tell all the homeless people, hey, I just threw 10 grand if you guys want to look for it. 0.80

01:18:51.000 Why not just give them the money? 0.99

01:18:52.000 Why not make it a fucking game? 0.99

01:18:54.000 That's true. 0.99

01:18:54.000 I don't know. 0.99

01:18:56.000 Games are fun.

01:18:57.000 You know what?

01:18:57.000 People are like, I don't like to play games.

01:18:58.000 I'm like, I love playing games.

01:18:59.000 They're fun.

01:19:00.000 So anyways, the people who found the money, I'm sure, didn't tweet about it and they're like, the backlash comes quickly. 1.00

01:19:06.000 You fucking piece of shit. 1.00

01:19:07.000 Fucking with poor people like that. 1.00

01:19:09.000 This and that. 1.00

01:19:10.000 I'm like, what?

01:19:10.000 Because you didn't find the money?

01:19:13.000 Would it be fucking with people if you said that you hid the money and you didn't? 0.96

01:19:17.000 That's what they're implying. 0.98

01:19:19.000 And I'm like, why would I do that? 1.00

01:19:20.000 That's dumb. 0.99

01:19:21.000 Well, I like fucking with people, but whenever I do shit with money, I just give it away. 1.00

01:19:28.000 I don't want to fuck with it. 0.99

01:19:30.000 It's like, hey, here's $100. 0.99

01:19:31.000 Haha, take it away.

01:19:32.000 I'm like, I'm not doing that.

01:19:34.000 I'm a hoarder.

01:19:35.000 I don't know if you know that.

01:19:36.000 Are you really?

01:19:37.000 Yeah.

01:19:37.000 The house that I live in is actually half the size of this room, and I've lived there for 15 years, and it's just people don't understand it because they're like, you could live in a fucking mansion and have your own island and whatever, and I'm like, yeah, but I don't care.

01:19:53.000 So I haven't gambled since I went to rehab for gambling and had my heart attack and all that stuff.

01:20:00.000 When did this happen?

01:20:01.000 35, so three years ago now.

01:20:04.000 You went to rehab for gambling?

01:20:05.000 I couldn't stop, man.

01:20:06.000 And what they had done with the limits, because in Vegas the most you can bet on certain things is like 25,000 a hand on blackjack or whatever, is they raised it for me because they knew how much money I was worth, and I could bet a quarter million a hand on blackjack.

01:20:20.000 So, you know, it could go pretty quickly.

01:20:23.000 I mean, the shift's like, oh, I just won 10 million.

01:20:26.000 Oh, I just lost everything, you know.

01:20:27.000 How much did you lose?

01:20:29.000 This is where the mercury poisoning comes in. 0.94

01:20:31.000 Like, the height of my Vegas experience was, like, staying at the penthouse in every single casino, like all the high roller casinos, a harem of whores in each one, and just going downstairs and, like, winning 5 million here, going to, like, the next one, going upstairs, 1.00

01:20:47.000 fucking, like, 10 girls in a row, going downstairs, winning 10 grand. 0.99

01:20:50.000 What's the most you ever paid a prostitute? 1.00

01:20:52.000 The most money I ever paid a whore... 1.00

01:20:55.000 I like to say prostitute because I'm classy. 1.00

01:20:58.000 Oh, sorry, sorry. 0.90

01:20:59.000 Notice how I say that?

01:21:01.000 Trying to be respectful. 0.93

01:21:02.000 A sex worker. 0.84

01:21:03.000 The most I ever offered a sex worker was 10 grand.

01:21:09.000 She wasn't... 1.00

01:21:10.000 This is some vampire shit. 1.00

01:21:12.000 This is like when someone's not a sex worker. 1.00

01:21:15.000 Yeah, it's like, hey, like... 0.86

01:21:17.000 Hey, not into Asian, guys. 1.00

01:21:19.000 Don't want to fuck you at all. 1.00

01:21:20.000 Like, I have no desire to fuck you and you're really crass. 1.00

01:21:23.000 You're a douchebag. 1.00

01:21:24.000 You're crude. 0.99

01:21:25.000 And I go, okay, so since I'm not denying any of that, Um, so, this is real money.

01:21:32.000 Like, this isn't a joke. 1.00

01:21:34.000 Like, I'll, you know, I'm gonna turn you into a whore. 1.00

01:21:37.000 You said that to her? 1.00

01:21:38.000 I'm gonna turn you into a sex worker. 1.00

01:21:39.000 Did you say that to her? 0.99

01:21:40.000 Yeah, it's actually all in this book.

01:21:42.000 Yeah, this book is all watercolors and the text messages with women that people have no idea that, because they don't believe me.

01:21:42.000 Oh.

01:21:49.000 See my color chart here?

01:21:51.000 It tells you what you are.

01:21:52.000 Stripper, single mom, bush, like, whatever. 0.74

01:21:56.000 Um...

01:21:58.000 Can I read one?

01:21:59.000 Sure, sure, sure.

01:22:00.000 It's my favorite one.

01:22:01.000 So you did it with text messages?

01:22:02.000 Were you converted or you did it eye to eye?

01:22:05.000 Uh...

01:22:07.000 Oh, this one was Telephone, because I met her.

01:22:10.000 This is a text message between me and a billionaire.

01:22:13.000 Okay.

01:22:14.000 At some point, I just stopped selling my paintings.

01:22:16.000 I was like, I just either give them to free to my friends, or you can look at it for free on Instagram, or you can buy my books that are cheap, or you can go out and look at the murals I did.

01:22:25.000 I'm not on this planet to make really expensive art for rich people, you know?

01:22:29.000 Right.

01:22:29.000 So this guy's like, and you tell a rich guy he can't buy a painting.

01:22:32.000 He's like, how much?

01:22:34.000 Yeah, how much?

01:22:35.000 So I write to him.

01:22:37.000 He goes, I don't know how much higher I can go.

01:22:39.000 $180,000 is my final offer.

01:22:40.000 I don't know what else you want.

01:22:43.000 No response from me.

01:22:44.000 I get it.

01:22:44.000 Okay, okay.

01:22:45.000 You don't care about money.

01:22:46.000 But I saw you hit it off with my wife. 1.00

01:22:48.000 How much for a night with her?

01:22:51.000 And I write, I don't know. 1.00

01:22:52.000 Let me get her lips off my dick right now and I'll ask her. 1.00

01:22:55.000 So it's like... 1.00

01:22:57.000 This is shit that happens that people are like, no it didn't. 0.99

01:23:01.000 Is he playing? 1.00

01:23:03.000 Is this guy serious?

01:23:04.000 Is he playing around? 1.00

01:23:06.000 When you get to that level of money, I know rich guys that pay dudes to fuck their wives. 1.00

01:23:12.000 It gets weird. 1.00

01:23:13.000 Hey, I was getting there.

01:23:15.000 So tell me about this girl, this $10,000 girl.

01:23:17.000 Oh, so she doesn't believe me.

01:23:19.000 Right.

01:23:20.000 And then I take a picture.

01:23:21.000 I go, I'm holding 10 grand right now. 1.00

01:23:23.000 And she goes, fuck you, you piece of shit. 1.00

01:23:25.000 Like, you think you can buy me? 1.00

01:23:27.000 I go, all right, fine, whatever.

01:23:29.000 I don't think much about it.

01:23:30.000 She calls me two months later.

01:23:32.000 Two months?

01:23:33.000 Two months later.

01:23:34.000 Whatever happened in her life or whatever, two months goes by.

01:23:39.000 I don't know, a month.

01:23:40.000 I have no idea.

01:23:41.000 The text is, is the offer still good?

01:23:44.000 Oh! 0.60

01:23:44.000 I don't even know who the girl is. 0.60

01:23:46.000 I go, who is this?

01:23:47.000 What are you talking about?

01:23:48.000 She calls me and she goes, you offer me 10 grand.

01:23:51.000 And I go, no, it's 5 grand now.

01:23:54.000 And she goes, you piece... 0.99

01:23:56.000 I go, I offered you 10 grand when I was horniest and I was playing a game and I wanted it that bad.

01:24:01.000 I'm like... 0.99

01:24:02.000 I'm like, no vagina. 1.00

01:24:04.000 The most any man should ever pay for a vagina is two grand. 1.00

01:24:09.000 The most? 1.00

01:24:10.000 The most.

01:24:11.000 But what about that Robert Edford movie with Demi Moore?

01:24:14.000 They should remake it with two grand. 0.97

01:24:19.000 It's like, well, I play this game, it's a dumb game, but, you know, I've played with Asa and people on our show, it's like, someone who's not a whore. 0.99

01:24:27.000 A person who has a regular job, bartender, fucking, I don't know, something where you make, like, you're middle class. 0.98

01:24:37.000 What does it cost? 1.00

01:24:39.000 For a person who's not a prostitute, who's single, who has a normal job, to just go up to them and go, I will pay any amount of money to fuck you. 1.00

01:24:47.000 Is it the Robert Redford movie? 1.00

01:24:48.000 Is it a million?

01:24:49.000 And like, I go, for a normal chick, like, I don't know, 20 grand maybe?

01:24:54.000 10 grand?

01:24:55.000 30 grand, something?

01:24:56.000 As long as they know that no one's going to find out.

01:24:58.000 Yeah, no one will ever find out.

01:24:59.000 That's the big thing.

01:25:00.000 They just don't want the shame.

01:25:02.000 And that's the real problem with the whole idea of prostitution, is the shame.

01:25:06.000 And every girl I asked, they're like, I don't know, 5 grand?

01:25:09.000 2 grand?

01:25:09.000 3 grand?

01:25:10.000 I'm like, whoa, I shot it way too high.

01:25:13.000 All the guys always say something like 20 and up, and all the girls that... 0.78

01:25:17.000 Or maybe it's just the women in love. 1.00

01:25:18.000 All the guys, if you want to fuck the guy... 1.00

01:25:20.000 No, no, no. 1.00

01:25:21.000 When I ask guys, what do you think?

01:25:23.000 Oh, what do they think the number was?

01:25:24.000 Yeah.

01:25:24.000 Now, this girl, when you said, now it's five grand, what did she say then?

01:25:28.000 She said, go fuck yourself. 1.00

01:25:29.000 So you didn't have sex? 1.00

01:25:30.000 No, then she called me back, and then she came, and she fucked me, and then she didn't take the money. 1.00

01:25:35.000 And she left, and I thought she forgot. 0.99

01:25:36.000 I said, hey, you didn't take the money.

01:25:38.000 It's still on the thing. 1.00

01:25:39.000 She said, go fuck yourself. 1.00

01:25:41.000 And then, you know. 1.00

01:25:42.000 We have a weird...

01:25:42.000 What?

01:25:43.000 And we still fuck now. 1.00

01:25:44.000 We have a weird relationship. 1.00

01:25:45.000 What a good kid.

01:25:46.000 Yeah.

01:25:47.000 Giving off freebies.

01:25:48.000 So she was basically attracted to you.

01:25:50.000 I don't know.

01:25:51.000 In some sort of a strange way.

01:25:52.000 This is the worst answer, but when you say what's the most ever paid, it's with my soul and time. 0.98

01:25:57.000 I mean, when money's no object for me, it's when people waste my fucking time and they play games with me and they suck my life force out. 0.97

01:26:06.000 That's what costs me the most. 0.98

01:26:07.000 Now, I want to get into something with you. 0.99

01:26:09.000 Because you were involved in this gigantic fucking controversy. 0.99

01:26:12.000 Right. 1.00

01:26:13.000 And knowing you, I know you, and I know the way you communicate, and I know the way you fuck around with things, and the way you talk about things. 1.00

01:26:21.000 You told a story on your podcast, DVD ASA, about getting a massage therapist to give you a blowjob. 1.00

01:26:29.000 And by forcing her head onto the dick. 1.00

01:26:29.000 Right. 1.00

01:26:32.000 Face fucking her. 1.00

01:26:33.000 Face fucking her. 1.00

01:26:35.000 And everybody decided that you were a rapist, that you had raped her, and that you faced this massive amount of backlash online. 1.00

01:26:46.000 Alright, well first of all, because I do the news, For Vice. 0.94

01:26:52.000 And to see if I interview a Norwegian general or something and he says something, we fact check it.

01:26:58.000 We fact check the fact and it's like, oh, okay.

01:27:01.000 And then it's like, we're presenting ourselves as news people.

01:27:04.000 It has to be accurate. 0.99

01:27:06.000 Now, people who just like some, I don't know, like the TMZ, Paris Hilton, Perez Hilton type of shit where it's like, we heard this and then they just, it's all like, this guy's a piece of shit and it's just all gossip, rumor stuff. 0.99

01:27:20.000 I'm not even trying to defend myself. 0.99

01:27:22.000 I totally fucked up on that end. 1.00

01:27:25.000 Your shit is live, my shit is not live. 1.00

01:27:29.000 When I record a show, I record usually five to six hours, three shows back to back, because we're not around a lot. 1.00

01:27:39.000 You release one a week?

01:27:41.000 Well, yeah, we did two a week for a year and a half, and then it's like...

01:27:47.000 Hey, the show...

01:27:49.000 I don't know, like, I know the first time I came on your show, you're like, I don't like to talk about my wife or my family, this and that, and, like, that's where you draw the line.

01:27:56.000 My thing is I don't have a line.

01:27:57.000 Like, I'll talk about anything.

01:27:59.000 And I noticed that...

01:28:00.000 I started to, like, in true artist form, be extremely self-destructive.

01:28:08.000 Forget about, like, talking about heads of companies and this and that.

01:28:11.000 It's like... 1.00

01:28:12.000 Wow, I'm really like, oh my god, this girl that I just met won't fuck me. 1.00

01:28:16.000 Oh, I heard you say horrible stuff about this and that. 0.99

01:28:19.000 I'm throwing myself under the bus constantly with my own show.

01:28:23.000 And were you doing it to get a reaction when you were doing all this stuff?

01:28:26.000 Yeah, basically what happened was my friend, who's a lawyer, said...

01:28:30.000 Dude, you're getting into a lot of trouble.

01:28:32.000 So I'm like, here's a show I don't have to do at all.

01:28:36.000 It's costing me money, time, headache.

01:28:39.000 There's like weird stalkers hanging out outside.

01:28:41.000 You know, it's like it was getting bad.

01:28:43.000 It was ruining my life.

01:28:45.000 And everyone's like, why are you doing it?

01:28:47.000 And I'm like, because it's It feels good.

01:28:49.000 Because it's impulsive.

01:28:50.000 Because I like it.

01:28:50.000 It's wild.

01:28:51.000 So he goes, look, there's a lot of people that you're talking about that they don't want you to talk about them.

01:28:56.000 They have real lives.

01:28:57.000 They have real jobs.

01:28:58.000 I'd say almost every celebrity we've had on our show is asked to take the show down or have it edited.

01:29:05.000 Except for Joe.

01:29:06.000 Joe was cool.

01:29:08.000 But he said, look, If you want to tell a story about, like, let's say Michael Jordan.

01:29:14.000 I don't know Michael Jordan, but, like, say you were friends with Michael Jordan, and you want to tell a story about Michael Jordan, and it's not...

01:29:19.000 Say a famous white baseball player, so then it's, like, still a famous person, you know?

01:29:25.000 He's like, change the race. 0.99

01:29:26.000 If the point of the story isn't who it is and what happened, and change the race, change the...

01:29:32.000 when it happened, and change, like, as many details without fucking up the story, you know?

01:29:39.000 And so, it was our third show of the day.

01:29:43.000 And my show was like chaotic.

01:29:44.000 I mean, you've been on.

01:29:45.000 There's like six people talking over each other at the same time.

01:29:48.000 And I was trying to tell this story and no one was paying attention.

01:29:51.000 And I don't listen.

01:29:52.000 Like, when this show ends, do you listen to yourself?

01:29:54.000 No.

01:29:54.000 I never listen to myself.

01:29:55.000 And that was the one time where I was like, man, these guys aren't listening.

01:29:58.000 So I exaggerated a little. 0.99

01:30:01.000 All the bad shit that happened to me, I deserved it. 0.99

01:30:03.000 I never should have... 1.00

01:30:04.000 Told the story the way I told it.

01:30:06.000 I should have never, like, whatever.

01:30:08.000 Anyways, I'm like, whatever.

01:30:11.000 I'm not a rapist.

01:30:12.000 And it's like, well, that's what all rapists say. 0.99

01:30:14.000 I'm not a fucking rapist. 0.99

01:30:16.000 And then people started bumping me in with Terry Richardson. 0.99

01:30:20.000 I'm like, nobody came out of the woodwork because I don't fucking treat people like that, you know? 0.99

01:30:24.000 And it's like, oh, he face fucked her. 0.99

01:30:27.000 I'm like... 0.99

01:30:29.000 The number one thing, because I have been in prison five times, is because of growing up with these movies, American Me, whatever, whenever I go to jail, I'm like, I'm not black, I'm not white, I'm the minority in prison. 0.95

01:30:43.000 Someone's going to try to rape me, you know? 0.77

01:30:45.000 So then I think... 1.00

01:30:48.000 Would you rather get fucked in your mouth or your ass? 1.00

01:30:50.000 You know, like those kind of questions. 1.00

01:30:52.000 And yeah, I've been to prison five times. 1.00

01:30:54.000 No one's ever tried to, I don't know, really try to fuck my ass or face fuck me. 1.00

01:30:58.000 Did that disappoint you? 1.00

01:30:59.000 A little bit.

01:31:00.000 I felt a little bit, you know, I'm like, come on.

01:31:02.000 Not a bad looking guy.

01:31:03.000 But the show ended and my manager comes in and goes, do you ever listen to your own show?

01:31:08.000 I go, no. 1.00

01:31:09.000 He goes, that was the worst sounding shit. 1.00

01:31:11.000 He goes, I know you. 1.00

01:31:13.000 You sort of exaggerated and told that story weird.

01:31:15.000 You should just cut that out. 0.97

01:31:17.000 I'm like, well, then I would be a hypocrite. 0.94

01:31:18.000 Just put it out. 0.99

01:31:19.000 No one gives a shit anyways. 0.99

01:31:21.000 Then, you know, like all these blog gossiping bullshit and they blow it out of proportion and I'm like... 0.99

01:31:26.000 Wow, the show that I created in the first place, like, what happened was, when all this Facebook shit happened, I went on Howard Stern where I talked for two hours unedited, right? 0.98

01:31:36.000 And it was live. 0.84

01:31:37.000 Then I went on Barbara Walters and she butchered my thing and just took out like tidbits of... 1.00

01:31:42.000 Out of context. 0.99

01:31:43.000 Yeah, and I was like, fuck this. 0.99

01:31:44.000 I'm going to have my own show where no one can ever fuck with me because it's going to be from my perspective. 1.00

01:31:50.000 And what I did was I fucking shot myself in... 0.99

01:31:53.000 I'm the only person ever fucking person in a sex scandal where there's no victim except for myself. 1.00

01:32:00.000 And I did it to myself. 0.99

01:32:02.000 I'm like, there's no fucking one coming forward. 0.99

01:32:05.000 The feminists are like, wait till this chick comes forward and we're going to all get behind her and pay her legal fees because Dave's rich. 1.00

01:32:11.000 And I'm like, no one's coming forward.

01:32:13.000 There's nobody there.

01:32:14.000 It's like... 0.99

01:32:15.000 Like, the girl likes me and I face fuck her like every week now. 1.00

01:32:18.000 It's like, it's like, face fucking is not rape. 1.00

01:32:21.000 It's like, ah, ah, ah. 0.99

01:32:22.000 It's like fun. 0.99

01:32:23.000 Like, you know what happens when you don't want to face fuck somebody? 1.00

01:32:27.000 You bite their dick off. 1.00

01:32:28.000 That's what happens. 1.00

01:32:30.000 That can happen.

01:32:31.000 That is an option.

01:32:33.000 So, like, when you were doing it, is it just you just get caught up in the moment?

01:32:36.000 You're just trying to be entertaining?

01:32:38.000 Are you trying to just be controversial, to be exciting?

01:32:43.000 I just got...

01:32:44.000 I was really tired.

01:32:46.000 This is exactly what happened.

01:32:49.000 No one...

01:32:50.000 I was losing control of the show, and like look, everyone always goes, why don't you just do your own show? 1.00

01:32:54.000 You fucking talk forever. 0.78

01:32:55.000 Why don't you do a show like, you know, Adam Carolla or Joe's where it's just like you and like one other person or two other people? 0.99

01:33:01.000 Why do you have like ten guys on your show, you know?

01:33:03.000 And so I was just losing control of the show.

01:33:05.000 It was tired, it was late, and I was like, I'm gonna say something a little bit...

01:33:08.000 More exaggerated so that they'll perk up their ears, which it did.

01:33:11.000 They're like, oh, you know, and then, look, and then the shitstorm started and it's like, I was like, well, who cares? 0.78

01:33:21.000 Like, I didn't do it.

01:33:22.000 I didn't do anything.

01:33:23.000 Yeah, but from their point of view.

01:33:25.000 So think about it from the point of view of people that are listening to that and, you know, the whole concept of rape culture.

01:33:25.000 No, no, of course.

01:33:31.000 You're promoting rape.

01:33:32.000 First of all, can I just say during that whole thing, Joe is like the only one of my celebrity buddies that called me and was like, he was a good friend. 0.95

01:33:41.000 So thank you for that.

01:33:42.000 Well, you're welcome. 0.63

01:33:44.000 First of all, I don't know if you raped somebody, but I don't think you ever would.

01:33:49.000 I could be wrong, obviously you could be wrong, but I listened to your explanation of it, and I know what it's like when you're doing a podcast, because Sometimes you're just trying to be entertaining.

01:34:00.000 I've seen people exaggerate stories.

01:34:02.000 I've been on podcasts before where people have told stories that I know what really happened, and they're trying to make it better by adding a little to it.

01:34:09.000 But the way you did, it was pretty crazy.

01:34:11.000 Yeah, if you and me went through some crazy shit and we were like, let's talk about it without getting that guy in trouble, then we have to change some details. 0.99

01:34:19.000 Yeah, you gotta dance around and turn it into a rape session. 1.00

01:34:23.000 But to the people that... 0.95

01:34:26.000 Listen to it.

01:34:27.000 I kind of see their point.

01:34:29.000 Oh, when I went...

01:34:30.000 100%, right?

01:34:30.000 Like I said, when I went back and heard it, it sounds horrible.

01:34:32.000 Right.

01:34:33.000 That's why I'm like, everyone who got down on me...

01:34:36.000 I'm sorry.

01:34:37.000 Like, I deserve...

01:34:38.000 Like, knowing who I am, and then, like, hearing, like, that thing, I was like, whoa, that sounds bad.

01:34:44.000 Like, so, you know, but my defense, my delusional defense of, like, but I didn't do it.

01:34:49.000 It's like, if I said anything, it just sounds...

01:34:53.000 Anytime anyone tries to defend themselves, it sounds horrible.

01:34:56.000 I was like, whatever.

01:34:57.000 I mean...

01:34:58.000 I totally understand what you're saying.

01:35:00.000 And I understand it from a point of someone who does podcasts, too, that you can say things sometimes that you don't mean it even.

01:35:06.000 You're just trying to be fun or titillating or, in your case, trying to be really controversial to change the tone of the room. 0.99

01:35:16.000 You just fucked up. 0.99

01:35:17.000 You know, Patrice O'Neill was talking about something once. 1.00

01:35:19.000 We were talking about people trying to be funny, that sometimes people say really offensive things.

01:35:24.000 That they're trying to be funny and it fails.

01:35:26.000 And that they're a horrible person.

01:35:28.000 And he's like, but if they said something that wasn't offensive and funny, and it succeeded and made you laugh, it comes from the same place.

01:35:36.000 It comes from this place of trying to make something entertaining.

01:35:40.000 And you make mistakes when you're doing things live.

01:35:42.000 Look, you've been on our show, and I need to go back to the North Korea-America thing. 0.94

01:35:47.000 It's like, I know I'm not a murderer.

01:35:50.000 I know I'm not a racist.

01:35:51.000 So why can't I say, like, AIDS jokes? 0.92

01:35:53.000 It's like, I get it now.

01:35:55.000 It's like, oh, well, you have a responsibility.

01:35:57.000 People will hear that and think, you know? 0.99

01:35:58.000 It's like, when I'm with Asa and we're not on the air and we're just saying the worst shit to each other, it's like, who cares? 0.98

01:36:03.000 It's not true. 0.97

01:36:04.000 Well, you're also dealing with Asa Akira, who's like one of the most hardcore of hardcore porn stars ever.

01:36:09.000 So, like, her tolerance level and what she thinks is funny and controversial is so different.

01:36:09.000 Right.

01:36:15.000 Well, that's what has happened is...

01:36:18.000 Hanging out and I'm not blaming also. 0.91

01:36:20.000 It's like I have a lot of porn friends and I have a lot of disturbed Yoshi like a lot of disturbed people and so when we fuck with each other, you know, and you know comedians and like like You start to forget that there's normal people out there Yeah, 0.92

01:36:36.000 you're like, oh wow like that like, you know me and my friends when we get together horrible like I told you about Steve Lee and Bill Poon doing the Macau Brothers. 0.92

01:36:47.000 So Steve's the lead singer of my band now.

01:36:49.000 I started a band called Monchi with Money Mark from the Beastie Boys.

01:36:52.000 Steve never gets laid. 1.00

01:36:54.000 He fucks a pocket pussy every night, right? 1.00

01:36:56.000 And so... 1.00

01:36:58.000 I say, hey, dude, if something happens with our band, you're the lead singer. 1.00

01:37:02.000 You're going to start getting laid all the time, and you put pussy way up on a pedestal. 1.00

01:37:07.000 He gets so distracted if a girl likes one of his photos on Instagram. 0.99

01:37:11.000 He's like, Dave, look at her.

01:37:12.000 And I go, hey, you've got to concentrate on learning these lyrics. 1.00

01:37:17.000 Get into this shit. 1.00

01:37:18.000 So I said, you know what? 1.00

01:37:19.000 I'm gonna take you to Vegas.

01:37:20.000 We're gonna have an old-school... 1.00

01:37:23.000 Like, when I was in the height of my gambling, we're gonna have an old-school orgy, and you're gonna fuck non-stop. 1.00

01:37:28.000 And you're gonna learn that pussy is... 1.00

01:37:31.000 It's just sex. 1.00

01:37:32.000 It's not like this...

01:37:33.000 You know?

01:37:34.000 And he's like, I'm all for that, Dave.

01:37:36.000 So...

01:37:36.000 Thumbs up.

01:37:37.000 I'll show you a cool video after. 1.00

01:37:39.000 So we go to Vegas, and he's getting his dick sucked by two women at the same time, going... 1.00

01:37:44.000 Dave, this is amazing! 1.00

01:37:45.000 Oh my god, this is so warm and wet.

01:37:47.000 This is like the best feeling ever.

01:37:49.000 And he's having the best time.

01:37:53.000 And he's like, oh wow, I've never had a threesome before.

01:37:55.000 I go, there's another one coming.

01:37:57.000 So he had like one threesome after the next.

01:37:59.000 And I'm on the bed just filming it for him because I'm like...

01:38:03.000 I'm like, dude, you'll want to watch this later.

01:38:05.000 I'm like, every time you think like, oh, like this girl, whatever, like, just remember you getting one ball in her mouth, one ball in this other chick's mouth.

01:38:15.000 And you ever see, this is a little bit off topic, but you ever see that Seinfeld where the guy converts to Judaism so he could tell Jew jokes? 1.00

01:38:25.000 So I'm sitting on the bed filming Steve get his dick sucked by two women, and one of them stops and he starts fucking one chick. 1.00

01:38:32.000 And she's like, look at his butt, it's so cute. 1.00

01:38:34.000 I go, yeah, Steve's got a really cute butt. 0.98

01:38:35.000 And she goes, should I stick my finger in it? 0.96

01:38:37.000 And I go, yeah, go for it.

01:38:38.000 And he goes, no, no, don't do it, exit only. 1.00

01:38:40.000 But he's still fucking the girl. 1.00

01:38:41.000 So she goes, she spits a loogie in his ass, and I go, I'm going to stick my finger in his ass. 1.00

01:38:47.000 No! 1.00

01:38:48.000 So, I stick my finger in his ass and I go, can I start saying fag jokes now? 1.00

01:38:52.000 I'm like, I'm pretty much committed a gay act. 1.00

01:38:55.000 Hey, you can't say fag. 0.99

01:38:57.000 And I go, but I did something gay right now. 0.99

01:39:01.000 So, I don't know. 0.60

01:39:02.000 It's like...

01:39:03.000 Yeah, your tolerance level and your level of what is acceptable, what's entertaining. 1.00

01:39:07.000 I come back, I tell people this shit, and then we find out that Bill, who fucked like 30 hookers, he's 53, he can't come. 0.99

01:39:15.000 I go, what do you mean? 1.00

01:39:16.000 He goes, I don't use my hands, and I wear women's underwear, and I use the tightness of the band around my boner, and I twerk back and forth until I come, and I go... 1.00

01:39:26.000 What the fuck are you talking about? 1.00

01:39:28.000 So then we made another TV show that we haven't filmed yet, which is, I go, wait, so when you fuck hookers? 1.00

01:39:35.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:39:35.000 I go, that doesn't feel good to you? 1.00

01:39:37.000 He goes, no.

01:39:38.000 I go, then why, come then, why don't you come?

01:39:40.000 He goes, and so I go, your thing is psychological.

01:39:44.000 What is it? 0.99

01:39:46.000 And I go, is it something where you feel like the girl doesn't deserve your cum or something? 0.64

01:39:49.000 So I made a whole new TV show for him called Girlfriend Experience, and I'm sending him to Colombia, and I paid a model that looks like Sofia Vergara.

01:39:59.000 Bill, if you're listening, not the most attractive guy, like a... 0.99

01:40:03.000 Short, like, very fat, nerdy-looking Asian guy with a girl... 1.00

01:40:09.000 Like, basically, I told a girl, you can't ever talk about money. 0.92

01:40:12.000 You have to trick him and pretend like you're his girlfriend for 30 days and then see if he finally comes.

01:40:17.000 So it's like a whole TV show. 1.00

01:40:19.000 If you fuck 30 hookers and you don't... 1.00

01:40:21.000 Basically... 1.00

01:40:22.000 Sorry.

01:40:23.000 That's my life now.

01:40:24.000 So that feels normal. 0.99

01:40:25.000 So when I talk about this shit with you or my friends, it's like, whatever, that's weird. 1.00

01:40:29.000 We just talked about an Asian guy that twerks in women's panties to come. 1.00

01:40:33.000 And then you're like, oh, wait, maybe this isn't polite dinner conversation.

01:40:36.000 Maybe, like, my worldview's a little bit skewed and it's a little...

01:40:40.000 You know, it's like...

01:40:41.000 You know?

01:40:42.000 It's like...

01:40:43.000 You know, I'm not the best person to bring to, like, a dinner party with wives and stuff. 0.99

01:40:49.000 Like...

01:40:49.000 You know?

01:40:50.000 Yeah, that's definitely not polite dinner conversation. 0.70

01:40:55.000 Right, so it's like, I don't know, and you've been on our show, it's like when you go in the room and the doors close and then everyone just starts fucking, you just like, you forget that another world exists, you know? 0.95

01:41:05.000 Yeah, when everybody starts talking about crazy shit, you sort of like get into that mode and it becomes acceptable. 0.99

01:41:11.000 Like, if you're around people that never swear and someone walks in the room and says fuck, it's like, oh! 1.00

01:41:15.000 Oh my goodness! 0.98

01:41:16.000 But if you're around people that are constantly swearing, you don't even, it doesn't even, like this conversation here, nothing's registered. 0.98

01:41:24.000 You'll say, this fucking this or that, it means nothing. 1.00

01:41:27.000 But if the president said it in a speech, you personally would be like, whoa, he just said fuck! 1.00

01:41:32.000 And so I was like... 1.00

01:41:33.000 You get used to it.

01:41:34.000 Maybe I gave myself too much credit.

01:41:35.000 I'm like, hey, I have...

01:41:36.000 I've developed my... 0.96

01:41:38.000 You know, I've branded myself as a fucking crazy artist guy and I can do anything. 0.97

01:41:41.000 And I'm like, oh, I guess not. 0.99

01:41:42.000 You know?

01:41:42.000 It's like...

01:41:43.000 You know, like when you tell someone you're an artist, like it's sort of like free...

01:41:48.000 Like you can do whatever. 0.60

01:41:49.000 But not rape. 1.00

01:41:50.000 That's where...

01:41:51.000 I know.

01:41:51.000 You're victimizing someone.

01:41:52.000 Well, I found out...

01:41:53.000 Yeah.

01:41:54.000 Like...

01:41:55.000 You made a mistake.

01:41:56.000 My whole thing is like... 0.96

01:41:58.000 I'm around a lot, you know, and I'm not saying this at all to get sympathy, but, like, I get raped all the time. 0.98

01:42:03.000 Like, women grab and touch me and do shit to me that I don't want, and it doesn't count because I'm a guy, and I'm not even... 1.00

01:42:09.000 Please, please, I'm not saying it all because, like, I like it. 0.99

01:42:13.000 Whether it's rape or not, it's like, yeah, I got molested, all this shit, it's like... 0.98

01:42:16.000 How's it molesting you if you like it? 0.99

01:42:19.000 Because I don't want it, and then it's like, I like that I don't...

01:42:22.000 Joe, are we so simple that we can't have conflicting emotions at the same time?

01:42:26.000 I love and hate you at the same time.

01:42:29.000 No, when it starts, I'm like, I definitely don't want this chick to be touching me, and then it's like... 1.00

01:42:33.000 Then it feels good. 0.92

01:42:34.000 Well, I'm a sick person. 0.99

01:42:35.000 I'm a sick, demented person, and... 0.86

01:42:37.000 Well, that was part of what you were talking about when you were talking about this experience. 0.99

01:42:41.000 You were talking about the fact that it might be kind of rapey was what got you off.

01:42:46.000 And you were saying that... 1.00

01:42:49.000 Again, you're around a bunch of fucking perverts who are all trying to take it to the next level. 1.00

01:42:54.000 Also was like, so you're a rapist? 1.00

01:42:55.000 And I was like, yes, I'm a rapist. 0.97

01:42:57.000 And it's like, no, I'm not a rapist, but it's like, I know I'm not, so we're joking. 0.74

01:43:01.000 And you kind of forget also that a lot of other people that don't understand your sensibility are going to be listening to this.

01:43:07.000 Right, exactly.

01:43:08.000 You assume that the people that get it, like on my message board, my message board is like this ridiculous message board, and some of the subjects are just so... 0.99

01:43:17.000 But everybody kind of understands the tone of the board, so they'll say something really fucked up, and if it was on any other message board, people might read it and go, what the fuck did this guy just say? 0.98

01:43:28.000 But it became normal. 0.98

01:43:29.000 Well, yeah.

01:43:30.000 I still am not there yet.

01:43:32.000 It's like, when I have... 0.99

01:43:34.000 When I get new fans from, like, being on the Bourdain show or if I'm reporting the next Cold War coming, that's serious shit. 0.94

01:43:41.000 And then they come over, they're like, oh, I like this guy. 0.95

01:43:43.000 I wonder what else he's up to. 0.99

01:43:45.000 Rape. 1.00

01:43:45.000 And they're like, whoa, fuck! 1.00

01:43:47.000 Right. 1.00

01:43:48.000 You know, so it's like, I don't know.

01:43:50.000 But they'll figure it out eventually.

01:43:52.000 That's you.

01:43:52.000 I mean, you're still you.

01:43:54.000 You're still doing the same shit, obviously. 0.99

01:43:55.000 Can I just say something about that? 1.00

01:43:56.000 It's like, if someone's not a rapist, it's like, it's such a huge... 0.99

01:44:03.000 Fucking thing to call someone that when they're not and it's like you're literally like ruining that guy's life. 0.99

01:44:08.000 But how would they know that you're not a rapist? 1.00

01:44:10.000 They would assume that you are.

01:44:10.000 That's the problem.

01:44:11.000 I saw people that I know call you a rapist and I was like, oh, this is a mess. 0.92

01:44:15.000 I'm like, you don't even know me. 0.69

01:44:16.000 But they're basing it on what you said.

01:44:19.000 And so it's your fault.

01:44:21.000 We both agree with that.

01:44:23.000 Zero defense, no fault.

01:44:24.000 From what I said, it sounds horrible.

01:44:26.000 You know me, you're like, Dave's just being there.

01:44:28.000 I know your whole thing.

01:44:29.000 Your style of communicating.

01:44:31.000 And I know that show, which is crazy.

01:44:33.000 I love your show.

01:44:35.000 I love your show. 1.00

01:44:36.000 I love the Hong Dynasty shit. 1.00

01:44:37.000 I love all this wacky shit you do. 1.00

01:44:39.000 Thank you. 0.99

01:44:41.000 Other than the rape stuff, I really think it's important to have a guy like you out there.

01:44:45.000 Thank you.

01:44:45.000 That's pushing the boundaries.

01:44:46.000 I think what you said about Jackie Chan, it's funny, but it's fucking important. 0.96

01:44:50.000 Right. 0.96

01:44:50.000 Because in terms of identifying and communicating about racism, that's a real racist thing. 0.96

01:44:59.000 And for a person who's Asian, that's got to be kind of fucked up. 1.00

01:45:02.000 It is kind of fucked up. 1.00

01:45:02.000 It is. 1.00

01:45:04.000 There's a Charlie Sheen out there that's banging hookers, and it's like, yeah, go Charlie! 1.00

01:45:08.000 But then you do it, and it's like, oh, Dave's creepy. 0.99

01:45:11.000 But the people that come at me the most, Asian women. 1.00

01:45:16.000 They're mad at you. 1.00

01:45:17.000 Because you're fucking white chicks, that's why. 1.00

01:45:17.000 Yeah, they're mad at me. 1.00

01:45:20.000 You're all Asian all the time. 1.00

01:45:22.000 But this is what it's done.

01:45:23.000 Like, you get in on the gravy train. 1.00

01:45:24.000 It's like, oh, is Dave full of shit or this and this and this? 0.99

01:45:26.000 So, like I said, during the height of that, like, crazy Vegas era, I would be going to Vegas all the time with, like, a hundred grand, a million dollars in, like, a pillowcase in my backpack. 0.99

01:45:37.000 As much that looks like this.

01:45:38.000 You went to Vegas with a million dollars in a pillowcase?

01:45:41.000 Oh, yeah.

01:45:41.000 All the time.

01:45:42.000 Oh, my God.

01:45:43.000 And so...

01:45:44.000 That's the most money I've ever seen in my life, by the way.

01:45:46.000 I've never seen $100,000 in cash.

01:45:48.000 So check this out, Joe.

01:45:50.000 I'm cleaning my room for the first time in seven years since I lived in my hoarder's nest.

01:45:54.000 It's just filthy.

01:45:56.000 I find a shoebox, and I'm like, oh, $100,000 from the Vegas era. 1.00

01:45:59.000 And I go, fuck. 1.00

01:46:02.000 You know, Critter... 1.00

01:46:02.000 I don't want to get into how much shit he does for me, but I sat here tearing him down about what a horrible personal trainer. 1.00

01:46:09.000 He does... 1.00

01:46:10.000 Shit that like I can't even talk about here. 1.00

01:46:12.000 That's like the he's the he's my Lime shovels. 1.00

01:46:16.000 Yeah, so I just I just gave him this I was like you take this cuz you're the fucking man. 0.99

01:46:19.000 He's like I don't want your dirty money He's like I don't I don't get I'm not I'm not a whore like I'm not gonna get paid for the whatever so I was like Let's do it for all the people that go if I was I know a hundred thousand dollars isn't a like Million dollars, but it's like... 0.99

01:46:33.000 A lot of money. 0.93

01:46:34.000 Get a kid out of debt, whatever.

01:46:34.000 It's good.

01:46:36.000 Yeah.

01:46:36.000 And so all these people complaining, oh, if I was rich or this and that, or it's easy, or...

01:46:40.000 Because I did...

01:46:42.000 So this hundred grand cash, like this, I'm just going to give it to someone.

01:46:46.000 Okay.

01:46:46.000 It's not like some weird, like, oh, fill out this form and we take half, or...

01:46:49.000 I'm just going to give it to you, but you have to go around the United States, and you've got to do all...

01:46:49.000 Right.

01:46:55.000 Critter put all these clues in place, and immediately they're like, well, we're not rich like you.

01:47:01.000 I go, I've traveled around the United States for nothing, and they're like, oh, well, we have lives, we have jobs.

01:47:08.000 I go, it's $100,000.

01:47:09.000 That's why you would do it. 0.98

01:47:11.000 And with all this shit, they're like, we never even know if this guy's serious or not, so I'm putting $100,000 up in this Critter's cross-country cash contest scavenger hunt. 0.99

01:47:21.000 That's what it's called? 0.99

01:47:22.000 Ten people are playing.

01:47:23.000 Only ten?

01:47:24.000 Ten people are playing.

01:47:25.000 I bet there's more now.

01:47:26.000 Well, yeah, I mean, I wanted to- Critters Cross Country Cash Contest.

01:47:31.000 All the details are at DVDASA.com.

01:47:35.000 It's five C-C. Critters Cross Country Cash.

01:47:37.000 Five C's.

01:47:38.000 Okay, here's the problem with that. 0.99

01:47:40.000 Your DVD ASA page, anybody can go there and just fuck with it. 0.99

01:47:40.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:47:43.000 No, the contest is the only thing on the thing that you can't fuck with. 1.00

01:47:47.000 You can't fuck with that. 0.99

01:47:48.000 Can you change the threat level? 1.00

01:47:50.000 You could do it right now.

01:47:51.000 Someone can change the threat level?

01:47:52.000 Yeah, sure.

01:47:52.000 Why not?

01:47:53.000 Remember when that was like a big deal?

01:47:55.000 I've been talking about this lately with my friends.

01:47:55.000 Like every day.

01:47:57.000 My threat level's at, what, Orange all the time, man.

01:47:59.000 It's bad.

01:48:00.000 Do you remember when it was like that, though?

01:48:01.000 Like every day you'd look at the news, the terrorist threat level would be in the news?

01:48:04.000 Well, that was closer to like 9-11. 1.00

01:48:05.000 That shit was so ridiculous. 1.00

01:48:07.000 And it makes people like uneasy and stuff. 1.00

01:48:08.000 Oh, of course.

01:48:09.000 That's the point of it.

01:48:10.000 And it's also a good thing for the news.

01:48:12.000 Right.

01:48:12.000 Did you hear threat levels at Orange?

01:48:13.000 Right. 1.00

01:48:14.000 Motherfuckers. 1.00

01:48:14.000 Right. 1.00

01:48:15.000 Those goddamn Arabs. 1.00

01:48:17.000 Joe, I love you. 1.00

01:48:18.000 I love you too, buddy. 0.98

01:48:19.000 You're a fucking awesome guy, man. 0.97

01:48:19.000 You're a good dude. 0.97

01:48:22.000 It helps me to come on the show and talk to you about this stuff, because I know you go through a lot of the similar shit. 0.85

01:48:27.000 Everyone wanted to know why I'm so calm in the last three months. 0.71

01:48:31.000 It's because I took my show down, and it's not for any reason that people think.

01:48:35.000 It's literally like...

01:48:37.000 I was sitting at home one day, and there was a glitch on our website, and they're like, oh, the next episode can't go up tomorrow.

01:48:43.000 I'm like, why?

01:48:44.000 He's like, oh, we gotta call a guy and fix this thing.

01:48:46.000 And then I was just sitting there and thinking, I was reading a comic book, and I was like...

01:48:51.000 I don't have to do this.

01:48:53.000 I don't have to do this.

01:48:54.000 I don't know what your fans are like, but my fans are horrible.

01:48:57.000 That's why Critter's here today.

01:48:59.000 I knew if I showed this money, maybe someone's going to drive here right now.

01:49:03.000 I think that you're always going to have some horrible people that are out there, no matter what you do.

01:49:09.000 First of all, you have great fans, because every time I do your show, I go outside, I go to the supermarket.

01:49:13.000 They're like, who do you want, Joe?

01:49:14.000 And they're so nice. 0.93

01:49:16.000 Our fans are fucking great, too, but then there's that handful of... 0.87

01:49:20.000 If I talk about something, then they'll definitely go out of their way to, like... 0.99

01:49:24.000 Like, if I try to, like, mask the girl that I'm talking about without giving away her identity, they'll put the clues together, figure out who it is, call her and be like, hey, Dave said horrible shit about you. 0.97

01:49:33.000 They're usually wrong. 0.97

01:49:34.000 And they just live to sabotage me.

01:49:37.000 Why do you think that is?

01:49:38.000 I honestly try to figure that out.

01:49:40.000 Like, I don't watch a lot of television, but, like, you know how there's, like... 0.96

01:49:44.000 All this reality TV, the Kardashians and all this shit, the Housewives, and people are like, I hate this show, but I can't stop watching. 0.94

01:49:52.000 I really feel like there's people that hate me, that watch everything I do. 0.99

01:49:57.000 I could be wrong about this.

01:50:00.000 I get excited, and I'm like, cool, I have a show where I can talk about anything.

01:50:03.000 I talk about it, and then I find out...

01:50:05.000 We did a couple episodes in Big Bear, and I was like, cool, we're doing shows in Big Bear. 0.97

01:50:10.000 While we're doing the shows in Big Bear, because we said that, someone went online, found out the address of the thing, blasted it on the line, wrote the manager and said, hey, there's a disgusting porn star and a fucking rapist artist there doing, you know, and the landlord calls us and he's like, 0.88

01:50:26.000 hey, like, what's the, like, we're trying to have this, like, we spent a million dollars building this, like, nice resort honeymoon Big Bear Ranch and you guys are turning it into what? 0.94

01:50:37.000 So was this post the internet controversy or pre?

01:50:41.000 Post.

01:50:41.000 After.

01:50:44.000 So I'm just like, what the fuck am I doing? 0.98

01:50:46.000 You gotta assume that then people are looking at you as a target. 0.99

01:50:46.000 Right. 0.99

01:50:50.000 They're going after you.

01:50:51.000 Right. 0.98

01:50:52.000 But I'm also, like I said, I don't need to be painting this bright fucking bullseye on me all the time. 0.96

01:50:58.000 So I was like, you know what? 0.97

01:50:58.000 Right, right, right. 0.97

01:51:00.000 I'm just gonna take a vacation.

01:51:01.000 I'm gonna take a break.

01:51:02.000 Yeah.

01:51:03.000 But we're back.

01:51:04.000 You gotta do it again.

01:51:04.000 We're up there.

01:51:05.000 Well, it's up there.

01:51:06.000 It's back.

01:51:06.000 There's our disgusting DVD, say, Wikipedia page.

01:51:10.000 Are you recording new episodes?

01:51:12.000 Yeah.

01:51:13.000 Well, the thing is, I never stopped.

01:51:14.000 I never stopped recording.

01:51:16.000 We have like 30, 50 episodes.

01:51:19.000 I don't even know.

01:51:20.000 So the entire time you're just recording them and not releasing them?

01:51:23.000 Yeah, if someone shot me in the head today, I'd have like a year's worth of podcast to just...

01:51:28.000 That's hilarious. 1.00

01:51:29.000 You can't stop this shit, motherfucker! 1.00

01:51:31.000 You can't stop this shit! 1.00

01:51:34.000 DBDA safe forever! 1.00

01:51:35.000 Fuck, man. 1.00

01:51:36.000 People are going to be very happy. 1.00

01:51:37.000 People were very bummed out.

01:51:38.000 On my website, my message board, people were very bummed out that you took your show down. 0.99

01:51:42.000 Well, I'm like, I'm always like, who gives a shit? 0.99

01:51:45.000 People do. 1.00

01:51:46.000 People give a shit. 1.00

01:51:47.000 But you gotta understand, okay, as your friend, this persona that you've created. 1.00

01:51:53.000 Who you are.

01:51:54.000 Your actual human existence.

01:51:56.000 Who you are.

01:51:57.000 And then on top of that, all the hyperbole and exaggeration and fun and chaos and all the stuff that you're doing.

01:52:04.000 All the...

01:52:04.000 Machine guns and buttholes and all this chaos, you're automatically going to attract a certain amount of unsavory attention.

01:52:12.000 I've learned that now. 1.00

01:52:13.000 Plus, people are fucking haters. 1.00

01:52:16.000 There's a lot of haters out there. 1.00

01:52:18.000 It just makes me stronger.

01:52:19.000 They want to not like something.

01:52:22.000 They're looking for something to distract them from the miserable existence that they're caught up in. 1.00

01:52:27.000 And then there's also people that think, hey, this guy's a piece of shit rapist. 1.00

01:52:30.000 I have a target now. 1.00

01:52:32.000 And then they go after you because of that.

01:52:33.000 Well, how do you deal with it? 1.00

01:52:35.000 I'm not a piece of shit rapist. 0.99

01:52:36.000 No, I'm not saying you're a very nice person. 1.00

01:52:38.000 I'm just saying, I know you have crazy fans. 0.92

01:52:41.000 You're always going to get crazy people. 0.82

01:52:42.000 You're always going to get a certain amount of them.

01:52:44.000 I try.

01:52:45.000 One of the reasons why, I mean, I assume one of the reasons why the people that like this show are so nice, my fans are so nice, is because I'm a nice person. 0.98

01:52:52.000 And you can also fuck them up. 0.99

01:52:54.000 That doesn't matter. 1.00

01:52:55.000 People can shoot you. 1.00

01:52:57.000 People always say, if I was you, I would go kick people's asses. 1.00

01:53:00.000 That doesn't last. 1.00

01:53:01.000 You kick people's asses. 1.00

01:53:03.000 They don't like that. 1.00

01:53:03.000 They shoot you. 1.00

01:53:04.000 They stab you. 1.00

01:53:05.000 They run you over the car. 0.96

01:53:06.000 Just be nice.

01:53:08.000 Martial arts is supposed to be about developing your character.

01:53:11.000 About figuring out how you overcome difficult obstacles and how that makes you a better person.

01:53:16.000 To not fight.

01:53:17.000 That's what it is for me.

01:53:18.000 Right. 0.99

01:53:19.000 So, it's not about that, but it's also about being confident so you don't have to worry about as many people kicking your ass. 0.99

01:53:25.000 There's always going to be some people that can kick your ass, no matter who you are, really. 0.99

01:53:27.000 Right. 1.00

01:53:28.000 Unless you're at the top of the fucking heap. 0.99

01:53:29.000 And then you're only at the top of the heap for a certain amount of time. 0.99

01:53:32.000 Right.

01:53:32.000 I mean, when Cain Velasquez beat the fuck out of Brock Lesnar, everybody was like, Jesus Christ.

01:53:36.000 Right. 0.99

01:53:36.000 You could be a guy like Brock Lesnar, and somewhere out there, there's this badass dude with brown pride tattooed on his chest who just beats the shit out of you. 0.99

01:53:44.000 There's always going to be someone.

01:53:45.000 There's always going to be someone.

01:53:46.000 Most likely.

01:53:47.000 But...

01:53:48.000 I think you put out a certain energy and you get back a certain energy.

01:53:53.000 It's the metaphor I said.

01:53:55.000 In high school, I fought almost every weekend, didn't win 90% of them, still did it.

01:54:00.000 So if that says anything about you...

01:54:04.000 There's nothing... 0.98

01:54:06.000 I mean, short of putting a bullet in my head, there's nothing... 1.00

01:54:09.000 You getting in that black guy putting you in the thing and humiliating you, it's like... 1.00

01:54:15.000 I've been embarrassed, humiliated. 1.00

01:54:16.000 I've been called a rapist.

01:54:18.000 I've lost love and finance.

01:54:22.000 Anything bad you can do to me, I've been in jail. 0.98

01:54:25.000 I've almost gotten raped.

01:54:27.000 There's nothing you can do to me that I haven't done worse to myself. 0.98

01:54:30.000 But you've grown from all this stuff, right?

01:54:33.000 Have you grown from this personal experience?

01:54:33.000 I think so.

01:54:35.000 I think so.

01:54:36.000 The rapist experience?

01:54:40.000 The virtual rapist experience?

01:54:42.000 But you know that putting that out there now, even though it's innocent and you're trying to entertain...

01:54:42.000 Yeah.

01:54:49.000 Look, when I... Like, the stand-up thing that I threw up on Vidme, it's like the first time I tried it.

01:54:55.000 Like, you could see I'm shaky.

01:54:57.000 I'm trying to find words.

01:54:58.000 Like, I... Broadcasting, I don't know how many episodes you're up now, like 600 or something?

01:55:03.000 And you've been on TV. I've been a quiet guy drawing werewolves my whole life, and I've just started to do this shit. 0.99

01:55:11.000 I'm trying to figure out who I am. 0.97

01:55:13.000 I'm trying to, you know, I'm...

01:55:15.000 I'm learning.

01:55:16.000 And I don't mind people judging me as I learn.

01:55:19.000 And I know that's going to happen with the haters and stuff.

01:55:21.000 But it's like, look, if you want to hate on me, go ahead.

01:55:23.000 I'm like, I'm sorry if it didn't turn out exactly the way you wanted.

01:55:26.000 I'm sorry if I offended you.

01:55:27.000 Actually, I'm not.

01:55:28.000 I'm not sorry if I offended you.

01:55:29.000 But it's just like, you know, I'm learning.

01:55:32.000 I have my heroes, like Stern and whoever growing up.

01:55:35.000 It's like...

01:55:36.000 There's a little bit of emulation, but then there's also like I want to be my own person So I'm trying, you know, I'm trying to figure out my voice and in the meantime like yeah, I'm falling I'm failing here.

01:55:46.000 So I hopefully I'm learning from this experience was also the There's an I don't know if there's an art or a skill to being the public eye and expressing yourself because I have not mastered that yet There's shit that we all do, and I know, you know, you hang around with guys that I know, 0.98

01:56:02.000 like Bobby, who's fucking crazy. 0.97

01:56:04.000 Bobby Lee's crazy. 1.00

01:56:05.000 And there's shit that Bobby and I have done just hanging out at the Comedy Store to make each other laugh. 1.00

01:56:10.000 Well, Bobby said, like, ridiculously dark, fucked up shit to me, and I'll howl laughing. 0.99

01:56:15.000 I know he's not being honest, but if anybody else came along and didn't know Bobby and heard him say that, It could be misconstrued. 1.00

01:56:23.000 And when you're broadcasting it to the whole world, you're inviting a bunch of people who don't know you as a human.

01:56:31.000 What you just said is a commercial for my show. 0.99

01:56:36.000 We say some fucking horrible shit and if you're part of the family, if you're part of the whole, you're in on it, then you get it. 0.99

01:56:43.000 If you're just like, oh, I saw him on HBO, let me check him out. 1.00

01:56:46.000 You're like, what the fuck did I just hear right now? 0.98

01:56:49.000 Maybe you should hire someone. 0.91

01:56:50.000 To go over all the DVD ASAs as you do them, and then at the end of the episode, go, what do you got for me? 0.85

01:56:56.000 Well, you said you raped someone.

01:56:57.000 Oh, I definitely didn't do that. 0.96

01:56:58.000 Let me explain.

01:57:00.000 I was bullshitting there. 1.00

01:57:01.000 Well, you said you robbed some gangsters and you fucked them in the ass with a dildo. 1.00

01:57:05.000 Well, I didn't. 1.00

01:57:06.000 But I can't talk about that story.

01:57:06.000 Right.

01:57:08.000 Well, we solved the problem.

01:57:09.000 I don't need to hire anyone.

01:57:12.000 DVD ASA, if you go to DVDASA.com...

01:57:17.000 You can listen to it on iTunes or whatever, but if you want to watch it, it's on that Vidme site now because I don't want to censor anything.

01:57:24.000 We broadcast from an insane asylum now.

01:57:27.000 From a real insane asylum?

01:57:28.000 From inside an insane asylum, and so it's like, hey, guess what? 1.00

01:57:32.000 I'm fucking crazy. 0.99

01:57:33.000 How do you get to an insane asylum? 1.00

01:57:35.000 Look at the thing right now.

01:57:37.000 Okay.

01:57:37.000 Hey, Big Bucks gets you whatever you need.

01:57:40.000 Really?

01:57:40.000 Yeah, check it out.

01:57:41.000 Where does it say it?

01:57:42.000 This is a whole thing now. 1.00

01:57:44.000 It's all black dicks. 1.00

01:57:45.000 Ever since the show started, your entire website has been changed. 1.00

01:57:49.000 I'm looking for it.

01:57:50.000 What am I looking at?

01:57:51.000 Just hit, like, so we're calling it all the old shows.

01:57:56.000 It's the new DVD essay, so it's like Saga 2, and then if you just click on it, you'll see what the inside of the room looks like. 0.99

01:58:02.000 This is a shit website, buddy. 1.00

01:58:04.000 It's horrible. 1.00

01:58:05.000 Okay, Saga 2. Saga 2, Chapter 1, The Ranch, Part W, Sardines, Chapter 2, Sardines.

01:58:15.000 Here, I'll show you what it looks like.

01:58:17.000 Stop playing, though.

01:58:19.000 Um, but what are we looking for here?

01:58:21.000 Oh, yeah, just play it off YouTube or Vidme or whatever.

01:58:23.000 I'll show you that it's they're all inside and insane.

01:58:26.000 It's probably crashing right now because all the people going to it.

01:58:29.000 That's probably what's happening.

01:58:31.000 You probably got thousands of people visiting it right now.

01:58:33.000 Yeah, I mean...

01:58:34.000 We put it up on YouTube, but it's censored.

01:58:37.000 And then we have it on Vidme Uncensored. 0.97

01:58:39.000 The episode 2 right now, there's a chick with like 34 G's, or I don't know, the biggest real tits I've ever seen in my life. 1.00

01:58:47.000 There's a lot of people watching this. 0.98

01:58:48.000 They kept flopping up.

01:58:49.000 Yeah.

01:58:50.000 Yeah, that's what's going on.

01:58:53.000 So, how did you get, so you paid them to let you get into this?

01:58:58.000 I said, look, man, instead of, like you said, like, that definitely crossed my mind.

01:59:04.000 I was like, I'm just going to hire someone.

01:59:05.000 We're not live.

01:59:06.000 We're delusional. 1.00

01:59:08.000 We say dark shit. 1.00

01:59:09.000 At the end of the episode, have a lawyer go, hey, you guys went too far. 1.00

01:59:13.000 I'm like, good.

01:59:15.000 That always makes me feel good.

01:59:17.000 I'm 38 years old.

01:59:18.000 I just started a punk band with Steve Lee and whatever.

01:59:21.000 My dad heard it, and he's like, I've never been more embarrassed of you in my life.

01:59:26.000 Because I have a Korean song where I was like, Bangu-moke-a-lay? 0.99

01:59:29.000 Bangu-moke-a-lay? 1.00

01:59:30.000 It's like, you want to eat my fart?

01:59:31.000 You want to eat my fart?

01:59:32.000 He's like... 0.95

01:59:33.000 You're a grown man.

01:59:35.000 You're a grown man and you just did...

01:59:37.000 Like, that is so disgraceful to my country.

01:59:40.000 You're my son.

01:59:41.000 And he's like, I'm begging you. 1.00

01:59:43.000 I'm a fucking grown man. 1.00

01:59:44.000 He's like, I'm begging you as your father. 1.00

01:59:46.000 Take that song down.

01:59:47.000 And I'm like, yes.

01:59:49.000 Yes, I did something right.

01:59:50.000 You know, it's like... 0.93

01:59:52.000 So, instead of having a guy pay to be like, take this episode down or edit this thing, I'm like, let's just broadcast live from a fucking insane asylum.

02:00:01.000 I don't think that's a real disclaimer, though.

02:00:03.000 Especially since you've come on this show and you've said...

02:00:07.000 I know it's not, Joe.

02:00:09.000 51-50, right?

02:00:11.000 Just hire somebody.

02:00:12.000 I don't know.

02:00:12.000 Have one of your employees just go over everything with a fine-tooth comb and then apologize at the end of every episode.

02:00:19.000 I just do everything as if one of these nutjobs is going to kill me one day. 0.97

02:00:24.000 Wow. 0.97

02:00:24.000 Stack the podcast, stack the shows. 0.97

02:00:26.000 Do you have that many nutjobs?

02:00:27.000 This is all the negative nutjobs are all post this, right?

02:00:31.000 No, I mean, I've had Critter for a few years now.

02:00:34.000 Right, but I mean the negative nut jobs, they've escalated because of all this?

02:00:37.000 No, no, no.

02:00:37.000 I've had haters in my entire life, you know?

02:00:39.000 Well, people look at you like, you're not just a talented artist. 0.61

02:00:43.000 You're a talented artist that got some crazy break where you illustrated the Facebook offices, they gave you a shit I'm not going to deny that the Facebook thing was a crazy break, but I've made millions of dollars in everything I've ever wanted to do, and so it's like, did I get a crazy break over and over again, 0.99

02:01:00.000 or did I just bust my ass and just fucking go for it? 0.98

02:01:04.000 Well, you've been very successful and you got a crazy break. 1.00

02:01:07.000 Well, yeah, I've been very successful and that.

02:01:09.000 And then so when anything happens, they're like, oh, well, like I said, the way I started the show.

02:01:13.000 Oh, well, he's rich.

02:01:14.000 I'm like, well, what about my entire life up until then?

02:01:17.000 People love to marginalize, folks.

02:01:20.000 People love to find some way where you're not better than them.

02:01:23.000 Right.

02:01:23.000 The difference with the Facebook thing in my life before was nobody knew how much money I had.

02:01:27.000 So when they went to my hoarder's house, like I had millions already.

02:01:30.000 I already sold out a million dollar art show in London.

02:01:33.000 I had millions from gambling. 0.99

02:01:35.000 And like but nobody knew right and I was like so I can still like that's the best right the best combo you get to live a normal life But you're fucking rich as shit and then so you were rich before the Facebook shit even went down I didn't have hundreds of millions But I had a few million and I was like cool. 0.97

02:01:50.000 That's more than I ever thought I would make right I'm selling paintings for a couple hundred grand like it was awesome I go to Vegas and win a hundred grand it was like it was a very good life but now it's like You know, if I go... 0.97

02:02:01.000 Now it's public.

02:02:01.000 Now it's like, give me...

02:02:02.000 If I open my email right now, it's, give me money, give me money, give me money.

02:02:05.000 Do you ever give people money?

02:02:06.000 No, never.

02:02:07.000 I hide it.

02:02:08.000 I do...

02:02:08.000 Well, yeah.

02:02:09.000 I have $100,000 I'm going to give away, but they don't...

02:02:12.000 I have to...

02:02:13.000 I'm making you work a little bit for it.

02:02:14.000 Right.

02:02:15.000 The clues... 1.00

02:02:16.000 The fucking clues for Critters Cash Contest are like the dumbest, like, easiest clues ever. 0.99

02:02:21.000 I was like, I want to make it all cryptic, like the game, and make it super hard. 0.99

02:02:24.000 And I was like, no, I'm literally force-feeding you the answers.

02:02:27.000 Well, what if more than one person finds it?

02:02:29.000 We have a whole thing.

02:02:30.000 It's like, first of all, everyone thinks I'm hiding cash.

02:02:33.000 I'm like, I already learned from the Detroit thing.

02:02:35.000 I'm just going to give it to you.

02:02:35.000 I'm not hiding cash.

02:02:36.000 I'm hiding clues, which is a red dot that Critter spray painted at nearby the place.

02:02:43.000 You go there, you take a selfie of yourself in front of the clue with a current newspaper.

02:02:48.000 And then the first 10 people, they get the points.

02:02:51.000 And at the end, whoever has the most points.

02:02:53.000 And right now, like I said, there's only like 10 people playing and it's like the points are scattered.

02:02:57.000 So it's like anyone's game.

02:02:58.000 And I'm going to announce the winner on Halloween, and on November 2nd, I'm just going to On November 2nd, two years ago, this is what happened.

02:03:08.000 Did you ever do an AMA on Reddit?

02:03:10.000 Yes.

02:03:11.000 I didn't even know what Reddit was, and everyone's like, it's the front page of the internet.

02:03:15.000 I go, okay, so what does that mean?

02:03:16.000 And they're like, you upvote, and I learned what Reddit was.

02:03:19.000 So I said, I'm going to do an AMA. I'm like, hey everyone, I'm David Cho.

02:03:23.000 I used to be a thief.

02:03:23.000 I'm an artist.

02:03:24.000 I'm a gambler.

02:03:25.000 I won all this Facebook money.

02:03:27.000 Ask me anything.

02:03:28.000 I answered everyone's questions for 24 hours straight with live video response with a cast of 200 of my friends and actors and midgets and porn stars and chefs and everyone I knew.

02:03:41.000 And everyone was like, what just happened?

02:03:44.000 It would be a kid like, hey Dave, what's your favorite place to eat?

02:03:47.000 I don't know, let me ask Anthony Bourdain. 1.00

02:03:48.000 And he'd be like, what the fuck? 0.99

02:03:51.000 So they knew that it was live. 1.00

02:03:53.000 I'd go, I don't know, dickface372? 1.00

02:03:56.000 And they were like, Oh my god, he's talking to me, you know? 1.00

02:03:59.000 So, the next day, people started going, fuck, did you see this motherfucker blew up the internet yesterday? 0.99

02:04:05.000 Everything got taken down. 0.99

02:04:06.000 Everything on YouTube, everything on Vimeo, everything on Livewire, everything on RedTube. 0.99

02:04:11.000 We put shit everywhere. 0.98

02:04:14.000 We infected the whole internet for like 24 hours. 0.99

02:04:16.000 It got taken down.

02:04:18.000 Why?

02:04:20.000 I don't know.

02:04:21.000 It was just like... 1.00

02:04:24.000 Tits, ass, like, I don't know, like... 1.00

02:04:26.000 But RedTube is, like, a porn site, right? 1.00

02:04:29.000 Yeah, so we put up the more racier shit there. 0.99

02:04:31.000 I don't know. 0.99

02:04:32.000 I don't know if it's haters over there, but it's like...

02:04:34.000 And then they...

02:04:34.000 For, like, two years, they made my name, like, unsearchable on Vimeo.

02:04:38.000 Like, if you typed in my name, like, any, like, art video or anything I've done...

02:04:42.000 So I was like...

02:04:43.000 I started getting paranoid and whatever so then that's why I love like vid me whatever like I sound like I'm doing a huge commercial for them But like I love them because you could do whatever I want so this year I'm gonna do a fucking live podcast at midnight starting November 2nd for three hours Then I'm gonna go on reddit and I'm gonna answer everyone's questions same style with like Hundreds of my friends of actors fucking famous people porn stars everything for 14 hours straight Then I'm gonna fucking 0.96

02:05:13.000 have a live event where my band plays and we're gonna fucking have a huge party. 0.99

02:05:18.000 And then at midnight, I'm gonna fucking, or close to midnight, like at nine, I'll do another three-hour live podcast and then I'm gonna give this fucking money to somebody. 0.98

02:05:29.000 So, 24 hours straight, no sleeping. 0.99

02:05:31.000 I'm gonna need Red Bull or some shit that day. 0.97

02:05:33.000 Wow. 0.90

02:05:34.000 You should come by.

02:05:36.000 Yeah, what day is it going to be?

02:05:37.000 November 2nd.

02:05:38.000 I'm going to be, we'll talk.

02:05:39.000 Yeah, okay.

02:05:40.000 I might be able to do that.

02:05:41.000 Yeah, come by for like an hour or something.

02:05:43.000 That sounds crazy.

02:05:44.000 Yeah, it'll be fun.

02:05:45.000 It sounds like chaos.

02:05:46.000 Yeah, I'm like, I'll answer anyone's question.

02:05:49.000 You know, like on the Reddit thing, they ask like crazy questions and then like, if you ignore them, they just upvote it.

02:05:55.000 So it's like the number one question or something.

02:05:58.000 Right, right, right.

02:05:59.000 I don't know.

02:06:01.000 But once again, don't have to do it.

02:06:03.000 Like the pain, like the torture.

02:06:04.000 But you enjoy all the chaos.

02:06:07.000 You definitely enjoy chaos.

02:06:08.000 You love it.

02:06:08.000 I live in it.

02:06:09.000 Yeah.

02:06:09.000 I think that's why you live in a tiny little place.

02:06:11.000 You didn't move to some suburban neighborhood in Beverly Hills and set up shop and have a manicured lawn. 0.99

02:06:18.000 You live like a crazy person. 0.99

02:06:19.000 It's manufactured misery. 1.00

02:06:21.000 But it's not miserable.

02:06:22.000 You're not miserable.

02:06:23.000 It's miserable.

02:06:24.000 In what way?

02:06:25.000 It smells so bad in there.

02:06:28.000 There's cockroaches, ants.

02:06:30.000 But why?

02:06:31.000 Why do that then?

02:06:32.000 Because...

02:06:34.000 You know, you and me could talk about like, oh, you should eat kale and this and that, but it's like, I know at the end of the day what I'm really going to do. 0.99

02:06:40.000 And so if I sit here and go, hey, Dave, forget all this fucking bullshit you've talked up until now, your podcast, TV bullshit, you're an artist, okay? 0.98

02:06:48.000 So let's talk real talk about you being an artist. 0.99

02:06:50.000 How much have you actually painted in the last 10 years?

02:06:54.000 Not that much.

02:06:55.000 Okay, let's look at your entire life.

02:06:57.000 When have you painted the most?

02:06:59.000 When I was in jail in Japan, when I was in a cold, miserable place in China with no internet, no cell service.

02:07:06.000 So the combining factors of all these places is that it was always cold, no internet, and no cell service, and no one else around.

02:07:15.000 So isolation, cold, and miserable. 0.97

02:07:18.000 And Just that's what it takes now, because I am an easily distracted, addictive person, so I do have a lot of options for pussy that I never had before. 0.99

02:07:28.000 I do have all these things, and it's... 0.99

02:07:32.000 Why do...

02:07:33.000 Joe's cross-hatching of a werewolf, that takes a long time.

02:07:37.000 And I have it in my head, oh man, I want to paint this thing.

02:07:40.000 There's going to be a million little people, and I get this crazy tripped out idea. 0.89

02:07:43.000 It's going to take me like a week to draw that, the way I want to draw it. 0.99

02:07:46.000 And then there's a Playboy model that wants to suck my left ball, and a penthouse model that wants to suck my right ball. 1.00

02:07:54.000 And I'm like, hmm, tough decision. 1.00

02:07:56.000 It's like... 0.99

02:07:57.000 Wait, that's what, you know, drawing my whole life was the only thing that brought me attention, and now I have everyone's attention, so let me fuck the whole world. 0.99

02:08:05.000 But isn't it... 0.98

02:08:06.000 Like, it's like, you know?

02:08:09.000 But isn't it...

02:08:10.000 You were talking earlier about your favorite thing is to create.

02:08:15.000 I do, but there's a...

02:08:17.000 Is it a self-destructive thing that distracts you?

02:08:20.000 Okay, let me backtrack.

02:08:21.000 Let me backtrack. 1.00

02:08:22.000 My favorite thing is creating and pussy. 1.00

02:08:26.000 And let me just ask you this, Joe. 1.00

02:08:28.000 Because you're in it.

02:08:30.000 You're a comedian.

02:08:33.000 Like, the whole, like, is the great art always come from misery?

02:08:37.000 It's like, Jim Carrey, Eddie Merck, like, do you have to be miserable?

02:08:41.000 No, you don't. 0.99

02:08:42.000 I believe you can make really good art if you're well-adjusted and you're happy and whatever, but I'm talking about the great shit that transcends time and whatever. 1.00

02:08:53.000 Those people are suicidal, miserable fucks. 0.99

02:08:55.000 And speaking just for me, because I know my best stuff always came from Rejection, hatred, getting dumped, living in miserable conditions. 1.00

02:09:06.000 There's nothing about living in a 20-story or 20-bedroom fucking mansion in Beverly Hills with pools and Playboy models hanging around. 0.96

02:09:14.000 That makes me want to create. 1.00

02:09:16.000 Yeah, but you're creating while you're getting your balls sucked by Playboy Playmates. 1.00

02:09:19.000 It's still the most amazing paradise ever. 1.00

02:09:23.000 You're staying in suites in Vegas and banging $10,000 hookers. 1.00

02:09:27.000 You're talking girls into fucking you that never would. 1.00

02:09:29.000 Sex workers. 1.00

02:09:30.000 Sex workers. 0.99

02:09:31.000 Sorry. 1.00

02:09:31.000 I didn't say whore, at least. 1.00

02:09:34.000 I'm not trying to change your opinion, but what I'm trying to say is you love a lot of different things, but you definitely have a self-destructive streak, but I don't... 0.52

02:09:45.000 When I was a kid and I was doing stand-up, when I first started doing stand-up, one of the things that I thought is, man, I don't ever want to get enlightened.

02:09:51.000 Because if I get enlightened, it's going to fuck up my comedy.

02:09:53.000 Because my favorite comedy was always Sam Kinison and Richard Pryor, Troubled People, Dirty People.

02:10:00.000 And I was always thinking, man, you can never achieve a certain amount of enlightenment because then you'll never be able to do the great comedy.

02:10:07.000 But I think that's a trap.

02:10:09.000 Well, check this out.

02:10:10.000 I'm at my warehouse where in the wintertime it's freezing and I'll be painting.

02:10:15.000 And I remember thinking, like, wow.

02:10:19.000 It's two in the morning.

02:10:20.000 I'm miserable.

02:10:21.000 Oh, wow.

02:10:22.000 I have a heated fireplace. 1.00

02:10:24.000 A woman just playing with her vagina, waiting for me to go in there in a beautiful house in Beverly Hills. 1.00

02:10:29.000 Oh, I'm going to call it quits for tonight. 1.00

02:10:31.000 Now I'm there again, still painting.

02:10:33.000 And I'm like, wow, it's two in the morning.

02:10:35.000 I'm miserable.

02:10:36.000 And guess what?

02:10:37.000 My house in Koreatown? 0.53

02:10:38.000 Still miserable.

02:10:39.000 I'm just going to keep painting.

02:10:40.000 You know?

02:10:41.000 So that...

02:10:42.000 To know that that comfort, like I say it all the time, comfort is the killer of creativity.

02:10:46.000 To know that that's there.

02:10:48.000 It's not that I can't paint something good.

02:10:50.000 Something good is still being painted, but it's not going to have the level of intensity of...

02:10:55.000 Of you being completely miserable.

02:10:58.000 Yeah, and Asa said exactly the same thing you said right now. 0.90

02:11:01.000 She's like... 0.96

02:11:02.000 People try to make me feel bad for being a porn star. 1.00

02:11:04.000 She's like, I love fucking, I love sex. 1.00

02:11:06.000 And then I've offered her, I was like, you know, because we have dark spots in our past, like I think, like there's a huge age gap where I don't remember where I'm like, is that why I'm so fucked up? 1.00

02:11:14.000 Did I get raped or molested or whatever? 0.98

02:11:16.000 And she has the same thing. 0.98

02:11:17.000 So I go do lots of... 0.91

02:11:21.000 Rich white people, kind of enlightening wellness camps and shit like that where I'm always the only Asian guy and the youngest guy there. 0.74

02:11:27.000 And I said to her, I was like, hey, if you ever want to do that stuff, I'll pay for your therapy and this and that. 0.99

02:11:32.000 And she's like, I don't want to go and then learn something and become enlightened and then find out that I actually hate myself and hate porn.

02:11:38.000 Because she's enjoying her life right now.

02:11:41.000 Well, people are very adaptive, man.

02:11:43.000 We're very malleable, and we change to our environments.

02:11:45.000 And you can become comfortable and happy in a lot of different weird circumstances.

02:11:49.000 And if you find a good state, a lot of times people are like, I'm good.

02:11:54.000 I don't need no enlightenment.

02:11:55.000 I don't need no consciousness expanding.

02:11:57.000 I'm good right here.

02:11:58.000 Well, I'll tell you right now, a lot of people is really disappointed.

02:12:04.000 My friends and people close to me, they're like, I'm so sad.

02:12:07.000 And they're... 1.00

02:12:09.000 I only fuck hookers now. 1.00

02:12:11.000 Like, I don't, like, I've given up, like, I don't even want to say given up because I am adaptive and this could, what I'm telling you right now could change tomorrow. 1.00

02:12:18.000 But as of right now, I am working on animation, TV shows, my podcast, painting, working on my next book.

02:12:25.000 It's like, there's no time in there for a real relationship for kids.

02:12:28.000 I can afford, like, when you say, why don't you just buy the best trainer, the best nutritionist?

02:12:33.000 I go, guess what? 0.99

02:12:33.000 I'm paying for the best Pussy. 0.99

02:12:36.000 You gotta pay for it. 1.00

02:12:37.000 I go, yeah, I'm rich.

02:12:38.000 Yeah, but they don't love you.

02:12:39.000 I go, you could have fooled me. 1.00

02:12:41.000 The way these women suck my dick. 1.00

02:12:43.000 The woman who sucks my dick that's in love with me, that wants to have my children. 1.00

02:12:50.000 When you give a woman fucking $2,000 and she needs it, And she knows if she sucks it really good that there's $2,000 coming the next week, she's sucking it like she's in love with you. 1.00

02:13:00.000 Like that dick is her lifeline. 1.00

02:13:02.000 And it feels pretty good. 1.00

02:13:04.000 And guess what?

02:13:05.000 And you've heard this before.

02:13:06.000 You're not paying them for that.

02:13:07.000 You're paying them to leave. 1.00

02:13:08.000 So I get my dick sucked. 1.00

02:13:10.000 Amazingly, like, the chick is in her honeymoon phase. 1.00

02:13:14.000 Like, the fucking veins on my dick are like a lifeline UV into her system. 1.00

02:13:19.000 Then she leaves, and I spend all night writing, drawing, creating. 1.00

02:13:24.000 There's no, like...

02:13:25.000 You were up all night.

02:13:26.000 You didn't call.

02:13:27.000 You didn't check in.

02:13:28.000 You didn't take me out. 1.00

02:13:29.000 And I'm like, I am fucking creating so much right now, still fulfilling my disgusting sexual needs. 1.00

02:13:36.000 And then at the end of the night, I cap it off with another blowjob from a different chick. 1.00

02:13:39.000 It's like... 0.99

02:13:40.000 I'm sorry if that upsets you.

02:13:42.000 If you're like, oh, well, and it's the women. 1.00

02:13:45.000 They get upset.

02:13:46.000 I don't see anything wrong with what you're doing.

02:13:48.000 This is why.

02:13:49.000 First of all, it's absolutely voluntary.

02:13:51.000 Everybody's voluntary.

02:13:52.000 No one's doing anything against their will.

02:13:54.000 They want the money. 1.00

02:13:56.000 You want to get your dick sucked. 1.00

02:13:57.000 It's an awesome exchange. 1.00

02:13:59.000 You know, I have a real problem with prostitution being illegal.

02:14:02.000 And this is coming from a guy who has daughters. 0.99

02:14:04.000 I mean, I don't want my daughters to be prostitutes, but I also don't want them working at fucking Denny's. 1.00

02:14:08.000 I don't want them working as garbage people. 1.00

02:14:11.000 Well, like I said, the women I'm fucking aren't like, I mean, they're... 1.00

02:14:15.000 Sex workers. 0.99

02:14:16.000 They're not like hookers I find on the street or like I go online. 0.95

02:14:18.000 They're just people I know that I've offered them money. 0.98

02:14:21.000 Oh, so you've like created hookers. 1.00

02:14:23.000 I created them. 1.00

02:14:24.000 Wow, so they only work for you.

02:14:26.000 Sort of.

02:14:26.000 Well, who knows?

02:14:27.000 Maybe.

02:14:27.000 Who knows?

02:14:28.000 Maybe I lit something up inside them.

02:14:29.000 That's a great gig, though.

02:14:31.000 Yeah.

02:14:31.000 I mean, look, there's a friend that- Like, I'm paying you money to get away from me.

02:14:38.000 Yeah.

02:14:39.000 I really like you, you know?

02:14:40.000 It's not just like, where's the money?

02:14:42.000 And looking at the clock.

02:14:42.000 It's like, I like you.

02:14:43.000 We had a good time.

02:14:44.000 Use this money.

02:14:45.000 Go to real estate school or whatever you're going to do.

02:14:48.000 I need my time now.

02:14:50.000 That's what I'm paying for.

02:14:51.000 As a rich guy, I value my time.

02:14:53.000 And that's why when you said earlier, what's the most you ever paid?

02:14:56.000 It's like when I do fall in love and catch feelings, the worst STD you can catch. 1.00

02:15:00.000 It's like, oh, fuck. 1.00

02:15:03.000 I just wasted three months with a bitch that just fucked with my shit and is trying to play games with me and fuck me over. 1.00

02:15:10.000 That can't help. 1.00

02:15:11.000 It can happen, right?

02:15:12.000 It can happen. 0.98

02:15:13.000 It can really happen and it can really fuck you up if you get involved with someone who's manipulative, who wants to control you. 0.96

02:15:18.000 And I live in L.A., dude. 0.75

02:15:19.000 I live in L.A., you know?

02:15:20.000 And you've got money, so you're a target.

02:15:23.000 Look, Joe, I feel like I'm a soldier and I'm in a war and I'm like...

02:15:28.000 Chris Rock has this joke, right?

02:15:30.000 He's like, you don't want to be the first anything.

02:15:32.000 You don't want to be the first black president. 1.00

02:15:33.000 You don't want to be the first black baseball player. 1.00

02:15:36.000 He's like, I'm butchering his joke right now, but he's like, do you want to be Jackie Robinson? 1.00

02:15:39.000 Nigger, nigger, this. 1.00

02:15:41.000 Or you want to be Daryl Strawberry? 1.00

02:15:43.000 Coke, blonde whores. 1.00

02:15:44.000 Right, right, right. 1.00

02:15:45.000 So when I'm sitting here going, hmm, who is the only Asian guy that fucked the white chick on TV? It's like one guy, Steven Yeun. 0.99

02:15:52.000 And it's like, we're like sort of the first everything, you know?

02:15:55.000 So it's a little bit stressful.

02:15:57.000 I'd rather be...

02:15:58.000 I'd rather be like 10 other weird, wacky Asian guys and then like, you know, and Jackie Chan doesn't count. 1.00

02:16:04.000 I'd rather be like number 10 or 20 down the list, you know?

02:16:08.000 Like I don't want to be the guy in the forefront, but guess what?

02:16:10.000 I'm not complaining.

02:16:11.000 Well, I am complaining, but I'm here.

02:16:13.000 I'm going to do my job and I'm going to do it as best I can, you know?

02:16:16.000 It's like I had an armchair psychoanalyze you.

02:16:21.000 I would say that you spend a lot of time conflicting with other people's expectations and opinions of you.

02:16:29.000 But why?

02:16:29.000 Very conflicted.

02:16:30.000 Because you seem so free when you do your own thing.

02:16:33.000 But now this is the question.

02:16:34.000 Right.

02:16:34.000 Is part of what makes you enjoy your life the fact that you Reject these other people's expectations and their definitions of you, and you get to live free on your own, and you're proving that you're successful.

02:16:48.000 You're creating great art.

02:16:49.000 You're having fun.

02:16:50.000 Your podcast is well-received.

02:16:52.000 You're getting all this attention. 0.99

02:16:54.000 You're David motherfucking Cho. 0.99

02:16:56.000 Right. 0.99

02:16:56.000 On top of the fact that all these people want you. 0.99

02:16:59.000 Your dad's calling you.

02:17:00.000 You're embarrassing our country. 1.00

02:17:02.000 You're fucking everything up. 1.00

02:17:04.000 Girls are mad at you. 1.00

02:17:05.000 You're only fucking hookers. 1.00

02:17:06.000 You're a piece of shit. 1.00

02:17:07.000 Right. 1.00

02:17:07.000 And meanwhile, you're creating all this great art and you're living in chaos and squalor. 1.00

02:17:12.000 I'm George Costanza.

02:17:14.000 You're not that guy. 0.99

02:17:15.000 You're David fucking Cho. 0.99

02:17:19.000 You're gonna laugh. 1.00

02:17:20.000 So recently I was having sex with this girl that has a lot of lines on her hands. 1.00

02:17:25.000 Like not wrinkles, but a lot of these lines. 0.88

02:17:25.000 Lines? 0.88

02:17:28.000 So I said, hey, like a lot.

02:17:30.000 Like hundreds of lines.

02:17:31.000 Like unusual?

02:17:31.000 Yeah, unusual.

02:17:32.000 So I said, hey...

02:17:33.000 You've ever been to a palm reader?

02:17:34.000 So she said, no.

02:17:35.000 So I said, let's go to a palm reader. 0.99

02:17:36.000 So we went to the palm reader, and I was like, fuck, I'll get my palm read, too. 0.97

02:17:39.000 And she goes, what are you? 0.98

02:17:40.000 I go, I'm left-handed.

02:17:41.000 She goes, let me see your right hand first. 0.94

02:17:42.000 And so I flip my hand over, and she goes, wow. 0.93

02:17:45.000 Very enlightened, internally, inside, like, not much bothers you, very evolved.

02:17:51.000 And I go, okay.

02:17:51.000 And she goes, flip over your left hand.

02:17:53.000 She goes, whoa. 0.99

02:17:55.000 Externally, you fucking complain about everything. 1.00

02:17:59.000 And you whine, and you bitch, and your mouth is very blunt, and you get in a lot of trouble. 1.00

02:18:04.000 And it's like, I didn't grow up around Koreans. 1.00

02:18:06.000 I grew up around Jews. 0.99

02:18:07.000 So that whole, like, Larry David humor, like, the whole Woody Allen shit, that's what I grew up around. 0.99

02:18:12.000 So, yeah, I can shit, sit here and, like, fucking complain about everything, but at the end of the day, You're right. 0.99

02:18:17.000 It doesn't fucking bother me. 0.99

02:18:19.000 I am very free. 1.00

02:18:20.000 I can just in one second say, fuck this podcast and just quit it. 0.99

02:18:24.000 What I'm saying is I think part of what makes you happy is this battle. 1.00

02:18:30.000 Definitely.

02:18:30.000 Well, that's just being Korean.

02:18:31.000 I mean, there's nothing I could do about that.

02:18:33.000 Really?

02:18:33.000 Yeah.

02:18:33.000 Being Korean makes you want to fight against things?

02:18:36.000 I talked to Bourdain about this on the show.

02:18:38.000 It's like, they probably have it in every culture, their own version of it, but in Korean, it's called Han, and it's like, it's like genetic. 0.61

02:18:44.000 It's like, you're just, like, I have a friend who has adopted a Korean son, and he has his own kid, and he goes, my normal kid is just, you know, because he's rich, he's like, all my kids have everything they could ever want, but this Korean one, He just wakes up with a scowl on his face every morning. 0.99

02:19:01.000 I go, yeah, welcome to fucking Korea, dude. 0.98

02:19:04.000 It's like, you're just... 0.99

02:19:06.000 Like David Chang.

02:19:07.000 Epigenetics.

02:19:07.000 He's one of my best friends.

02:19:08.000 He's like my twin brother.

02:19:10.000 And he does like with cooking what I do with art. 0.99

02:19:12.000 Like just fucking goes at it. 0.98

02:19:14.000 And he's very successful. 1.00

02:19:16.000 He's like on the cover of Time and all these magazines and the best chef in the world and all this shit. 0.97

02:19:21.000 And when I hang out with him... 0.95

02:19:22.000 I mean, he makes me look like...

02:19:24.000 It's just piss and vinegar. 1.00

02:19:26.000 Like, fucking... 1.00

02:19:27.000 I go, why are you so angry? 1.00

02:19:29.000 I sound like you talking to me right now.

02:19:31.000 And he's like, come on, Dave.

02:19:33.000 It's like all the kimchi in our blood or whatever. 1.00

02:19:34.000 But Korea's a small island.

02:19:37.000 Or it's not island. 1.00

02:19:38.000 It's a small country that's been invaded by Japanese and fucking Chinese. 1.00

02:19:43.000 And everyone's always trying to take over Korea. 1.00

02:19:45.000 So it's almost like an evolution, built-in hate system of just being born.

02:19:51.000 Right.

02:19:53.000 And hard workers, man.

02:19:55.000 Hard workers.

02:19:56.000 It's like, I don't know.

02:19:58.000 There's a lot of similarities between Jews and Koreans, I think, on that end.

02:20:02.000 You know, I grew up with a lot of Koreans.

02:20:04.000 Yeah, so you know what I'm talking about.

02:20:05.000 Because of my Taekwondo environment.

02:20:06.000 You know what I'm talking about right now.

02:20:07.000 I mean, I was around Koreans constantly.

02:20:10.000 They're loud.

02:20:11.000 The other thing about him is that I've never met more people like as a group that are more dedicated to hard work and like If you don't work hard if you're not miserable from working hard all the time, right? 1.00

02:20:24.000 You feel like a piece of shit, right? 0.99

02:20:25.000 Like I had a friend. 1.00

02:20:26.000 He was on the national my friend junk sick junk sick Chang Yeah, he was he was a national taekwondo champion and at the same time He was going through his fucking residency the medical residency this guy was always tired This is how I would see him like this Always tired, 0.99

02:20:41.000 and then he would just fucking work out really hard, and then be exhausted. 0.99

02:20:44.000 He would be at school, and he was training, so he would be studying all day, and then he would run upstairs. 0.98

02:20:50.000 He'd run up the flights of stairs at the university.

02:20:53.000 He was constantly tired, constantly miserable, but he felt like if he didn't live like that, he couldn't be happy.

02:21:00.000 That's in me.

02:21:00.000 That's in my blood.

02:21:01.000 And so let me take it straight down to comedy, and let me get racist for a second.

02:21:06.000 I mean, people ask, I'm sure they ask you, who's your favorite comedian?

02:21:10.000 I'm like, okay, forget specifics.

02:21:12.000 Who's your favorite comedian?

02:21:14.000 Blacks, Jews and Koreans. 1.00

02:21:16.000 What Koreans? 0.93

02:21:17.000 What Koreans? 0.93

02:21:18.000 Well, it's like Bobby Lee.

02:21:19.000 Right.

02:21:20.000 Okay, so if I take it just to Asians, there's not like Chinese comedians.

02:21:26.000 I mean, there are.

02:21:27.000 Right.

02:21:27.000 But there's no Japanese big...

02:21:28.000 It's like all the big funny comedians that are successful in America are Bobby Lee, Dr. Ken Jeong.

02:21:35.000 They're all Korean. 0.99

02:21:36.000 Right.

02:21:37.000 But I think there's this assimilation.

02:21:39.000 Why aren't there Japanese big comedians?

02:21:42.000 I mean, I can't think of one right now.

02:21:44.000 Or why aren't there huge Chinese?

02:21:45.000 And why are there so many Jewish comedians?

02:21:48.000 Well, they've been here long.

02:21:49.000 This persecution, this torment part of the culture.

02:21:52.000 Why is Howard Stern miserable?

02:21:55.000 Why is Jerry Seinfeld miserable?

02:21:56.000 Why is Larry David miserable?

02:21:57.000 They're so rich.

02:21:59.000 You have nothing to complain about.

02:22:01.000 You're a billionaire.

02:22:02.000 Why?

02:22:03.000 And that's sort of like what you're asking me right now.

02:22:05.000 I don't know why I'm so angry.

02:22:06.000 It's just there.

02:22:07.000 But it's like...

02:22:10.000 I don't know why Jews are so funny. 1.00

02:22:13.000 I don't know why Koreans are so funny. 1.00

02:22:14.000 I don't know why blacks are so funny. 1.00

02:22:16.000 But what do they have in common? 0.98

02:22:18.000 Persecution.

02:22:20.000 Misery.

02:22:20.000 And don't you think, though, that as Japanese and Chinese, as generations go on, they become more assimilated, especially because of the internet.

02:22:29.000 You're going to see more and more Chinese comedians, more Japanese comedians, things along those lines, don't you think?

02:22:35.000 As they become more entrenched in the art form...

02:22:39.000 Yeah, maybe.

02:22:40.000 I don't know.

02:22:40.000 Who knows?

02:22:41.000 Dude, you could be a comic, and I'm not bullshitting.

02:22:43.000 You laugh about that, but I called you after I saw that video. 0.99

02:22:46.000 I'm like, dude, that shit is really funny. 0.99

02:22:48.000 Thanks, Joe. 0.99

02:22:49.000 I appreciate it.

02:22:50.000 That's your first time on stage. 0.99

02:22:52.000 Were those notes that you had on a table, like the shit you wanted to talk about? 0.99

02:22:55.000 My whole thing is always... 0.99

02:22:57.000 For me, that's horrifying, because...

02:23:01.000 In the same way, comedy is solitary.

02:23:03.000 You're not up there with anyone unless you're like Smothers Brothers and you're a comedy duo or something.

02:23:07.000 But it's like, I didn't want to have an act.

02:23:09.000 When I come here, I was like, I just wanted to make everyone sure that I'm actually giving away this money.

02:23:16.000 And then everything else, I'm like, we'll just riff.

02:23:19.000 It's like, you can just...

02:23:22.000 So I was like, I want to go up there with no act, and then I started writing stuff down, but whenever I write stuff, it just ends up being...

02:23:29.000 Dicks.

02:23:30.000 He's been drawing the whole time we've been on this podcast. 0.99

02:23:32.000 I'm cross-hatching the balls. 1.00

02:23:33.000 There's a dick with cum squirting out of it. 1.00

02:23:36.000 This is the whole time he's been on this podcast he's been drawing. 0.99

02:23:39.000 I'm going to auction that piece off, ladies and gentlemen, for charity. 0.96

02:23:42.000 If you see the close-up of me doing the comedy special and it looks like I wrote some flashcards, they're all just drawings of dicks on the side. 0.92

02:23:49.000 It's just... 0.93

02:23:50.000 So that's all that that was? 0.96

02:23:51.000 Yeah, and so I'm like, when I see the black guys on the corner hit on every single girl, they're like, hey, what's up? 0.98

02:24:00.000 And I'm like, dude, does that really work?

02:24:02.000 And they're like, no, but the one time it works out of 100, it's worth it, you know? 0.94

02:24:07.000 So when I was thinking about doing stand-up or whatever, I'm like, Okay, so if I bomb, like, the worst, like, boo, you suck, and they throw oranges, or I don't know what they throw. 0.94

02:24:18.000 Tomatoes. 0.79

02:24:19.000 Do they really do that?

02:24:19.000 Tomatoes.

02:24:20.000 I heard.

02:24:20.000 I don't know.

02:24:21.000 It's like, okay, so what?

02:24:24.000 Like, A, I already like pain.

02:24:26.000 Like, that, you know, it's like, win-win for me. 0.98

02:24:28.000 If I'm humiliated, I'm like, oh, I tried it, I sucked, so I just was like, fuck it, I'm gonna go for it, and I was like, I don't want to act, I know I'm talking to college students, so I'll try to, like, stay on college topics and how dumb it is, but, um, Yeah. 0.97

02:24:41.000 Who did that with you? 0.98

02:24:43.000 What do you mean?

02:24:43.000 It was just you?

02:24:44.000 It was just you?

02:24:45.000 And who organized that show?

02:24:45.000 Yeah, it was just me.

02:24:47.000 So I get asked to colleges to talk about art and whatever, and I never do it.

02:24:53.000 I used to do it a long time ago, and then it's like... 0.96

02:24:57.000 You know, someone's like, Dave, it's very, like, almost, like, motivational Tony Robbins kind of speaking kind of shit. 0.99

02:25:02.000 And I was like, like, some Tom Vu shit. 1.00

02:25:04.000 Be like me! 1.00

02:25:04.000 You make my money! 1.00

02:25:05.000 And I was like, you know, because I know how to make money.

02:25:09.000 Like, if you stripped away everything, took all my money, I could go out and figure out how to make money again.

02:25:14.000 Like, it's not, like, I'm very confident with that.

02:25:19.000 So, you know, when they approached me, they were like, hey, you like to speak at UCLA. It's very prestigious.

02:25:24.000 Bill Clinton, Dave Chappelle, Michael Moore, all these people did it.

02:25:27.000 And I was like, well, what do you want me to do?

02:25:29.000 And they're like, talk about whatever you want.

02:25:30.000 I go, well, then I'm going to try stand-up.

02:25:32.000 And they're like, oh, we didn't know you were a comedian.

02:25:34.000 I go, I'm not.

02:25:35.000 And they go, this is awkward.

02:25:37.000 And I go, well, what do you mean?

02:25:40.000 Like, you're going to tell jokes and stuff?

02:25:41.000 And I was like, yeah, sure.

02:25:41.000 Why not?

02:25:43.000 And they're like, um...

02:25:44.000 Yeah, alright, cool.

02:25:46.000 And you wore a nice red suit?

02:25:48.000 And since I did that, I did it five more times and it's like...

02:25:48.000 Yeah.

02:25:52.000 It's so fun.

02:25:52.000 I can't...

02:25:53.000 Did you do it in Hawaii with Bobby Lee?

02:25:54.000 I did it in Hawaii. 1.00

02:25:55.000 That fucking asshole... 1.00

02:25:57.000 So, he's like... 1.00

02:25:59.000 Before the show, he's like...

02:26:02.000 David, I get it. 1.00

02:26:03.000 You're like a weird Warhol, like artsy, fucking faggy dude. 1.00

02:26:06.000 I get it. 1.00

02:26:06.000 But you don't speak the language of comedy. 1.00

02:26:09.000 You don't speak the...

02:26:11.000 Like, I need a real...

02:26:12.000 I need a real opener, Dave. 1.00

02:26:14.000 Not you and my fucking brother touching each other's dick. 1.00

02:26:17.000 He's like, I need a... 1.00

02:26:18.000 You don't... 1.00

02:26:19.000 I need the audience to get ready for when I get on stage like I don't want you up there doing some weird artsy fucking fake rape shit or whatever like I need a real comedian and I go fuck you dude fuck you you're such a piece of shit and um and he goes and you know it was last minute he couldn't find anyone and I said hey hey fuckface guess what I've seen your stand up ten times I have your act memorized I'm gonna do your exact act before you gotta go what the fuck are you gonna do about it and his face changes he goes Because I thought he thought, 1.00

02:26:48.000 that's me being delusional.

02:26:50.000 I thought he thought it would be funny.

02:26:51.000 He's like, don't do that, Dave.

02:26:53.000 I go, he goes, that's like me going to your, like if I had an art show, or if you had an art show and I had like the counterfeit of that right next door, I'm like, cool, then I would just paint something else.

02:27:02.000 Like you as a real comedian, if I just sabotage your whole act, should be able to go up there and talk about weird Hawaiian shit or like anything, you know, because he's funny enough.

02:27:11.000 And that's me being a weird guy, like trying to push him. 0.52

02:27:14.000 And he's like, please don't do that. 1.00

02:27:15.000 And I'm like, I'm not going to do that, you asshole. 1.00

02:27:17.000 So I go up and he's just like, can you do it? 1.00

02:27:20.000 Can you do 10 minutes? 0.97

02:27:21.000 I'm like, dude, I did two hours at UCLA without fucking any notes or anything. 0.98

02:27:26.000 And they had to kick me off the stage. 0.97

02:27:27.000 I could have gone four hours.

02:27:28.000 And I hear those like Chappelle and those guys do like the 14 hour.

02:27:32.000 Those are never good.

02:27:33.000 Yeah.

02:27:35.000 So, I go up there, and it's me, and I did a Smothers Brothers comedy routine with his brother.

02:27:40.000 Like, we just riffed off each other on all the weird shit that happened just on the flight to Hawaii. 0.55

02:27:44.000 And so, we're just killing, and he's on the side of the stage, and he's like, it was like a movie. 0.94

02:27:48.000 He's like, get him off the stage. 0.99

02:27:49.000 They're fucking killing. 0.99

02:27:50.000 I don't want to follow that. 1.00

02:27:51.000 And I was like, yes!

02:27:53.000 He didn't want to follow it?

02:27:54.000 He didn't want to follow us. 1.00

02:27:55.000 If you're listening right now, Bobby, fuck you, motherfucker. 1.00

02:27:58.000 I fucking killed your ass, you little bitch. 1.00

02:28:00.000 Bobby, Bobby, Bobby. 1.00

02:28:02.000 No, Bobby killed after us.

02:28:04.000 I love him. 1.00

02:28:04.000 He's the fucking... 1.00

02:28:06.000 He's just fucking... 1.00

02:28:08.000 That's what I'm talking about. 1.00

02:28:09.000 He's the real deal.

02:28:09.000 He goes for it, you know?

02:28:10.000 Yeah, Bobby Lee's the real deal.

02:28:11.000 Yeah. 0.96

02:28:12.000 He's really crazy. 1.00

02:28:13.000 The first time I met Bobby, I met Bobby, fuck, it was like the 90s. 0.99

02:28:17.000 And Bobby was in San Diego. 0.99

02:28:20.000 He wasn't on MADtv.

02:28:22.000 He wasn't doing anything back then.

02:28:23.000 He was just doing stand-up at the Comedy Store in La Jolla.

02:28:26.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:28:26.000 This is probably like, shit. 1.00

02:28:29.000 95 or something? 0.99

02:28:30.000 Right.

02:28:31.000 96 maybe?

02:28:32.000 A long time ago.

02:28:32.000 I don't know.

02:28:33.000 And it was with a bunch of comics.

02:28:33.000 Right.

02:28:34.000 Went to a strip club. 0.98

02:28:35.000 And there was these Mexican gangbangers at the strip club. 0.88

02:28:37.000 One of them had long hair and tattoos on his face. 0.67

02:28:41.000 Right.

02:28:41.000 This is the 90s.

02:28:42.000 He had tattooed tears on his face.

02:28:43.000 Right.

02:28:44.000 And he had eyes.

02:28:45.000 Like, he had these eyes.

02:28:46.000 He looked in them. 1.00

02:28:47.000 You knew this motherfucker had seen some shit. 1.00

02:28:49.000 Right. 1.00

02:28:49.000 I don't know if he'd kill people. 1.00

02:28:51.000 I don't know.

02:28:51.000 Right.

02:28:52.000 I mean, I'm just guessing.

02:28:52.000 I don't know what.

02:28:54.000 But if I had to guess, fuck yeah, he's killed people. 1.00

02:28:56.000 And Bobby somehow or another insulted him by talking to his girl. 1.00

02:28:56.000 Right. 1.00

02:29:01.000 Like there was a girl that like maybe it was his girlfriend.

02:29:03.000 Who was a dancer there and Bobby talked to the girl. 0.84

02:29:03.000 Right. 0.84

02:29:06.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:29:07.000 And the guy stood up, and Bobby was like, fuck these bitches, they don't know shit. 1.00

02:29:11.000 And I was like, you're gonna get me killed. 1.00

02:29:13.000 I go, we're leaving right now, you coming with me, or I'm fucking leaving you here. 0.99

02:29:17.000 And me, and I think it was Jimmy Schubert was with me, we ran outside and jumped in my car. 0.96

02:29:23.000 I had a Toyota Supra. 0.99

02:29:24.000 We jumped in my fucking car, and Bobby barely made it in time to get into the backseat, and we fucking took off. 1.00

02:29:29.000 I love that shit. 1.00

02:29:30.000 We're going to get shot. 1.00

02:29:31.000 I know the look of people that will shoot you. 1.00

02:29:34.000 And that guy will fucking shoot you. 1.00

02:29:36.000 I'm pretty sure. 1.00

02:29:37.000 But in a similar way, he has this weird Korean energy.

02:29:41.000 Like a real artist.

02:29:43.000 Self-destructive.

02:29:45.000 Super self-destructive.

02:29:46.000 He told some stories on a podcast about going down to Mexico in the middle of filming Mad TV. He would leave the set, go down to Mexico, do drugs, he was carrying a fucking kitchen knife, get hookers, come back, Gacked out of his fucking mind, holding on to the knife, 1.00

02:30:01.000 just completely wired to the gills, like at Mad TV with a giant knife on him. 1.00

02:30:06.000 He's just so fucking crazy. 0.98

02:30:09.000 But yeah, the same kind of rebellion against this ultra-suppressive childhood. 0.99

02:30:15.000 Yeah, for sure.

02:30:16.000 That's you, David Cho. 0.98

02:30:17.000 Don't ever get rid of that Suck My Fart song. 0.98

02:30:20.000 All right, we got to get out of here. 0.96

02:30:21.000 This contest, DVDASA.com.

02:30:24.000 Joe, thank you.

02:30:25.000 Thank you, man.

02:30:26.000 Thank you, man.

02:30:26.000 Thank you.

02:30:27.000 Always a good time, my brother.

02:30:28.000 I'm glad we got to talk about this.

02:30:29.000 Yeah.

02:30:30.000 And talk about the controversy in a way where people, I think, they'll understand you now better.

02:30:36.000 Well, look, I like going on Stern.

02:30:39.000 I like going on your show.

02:30:41.000 It's sort of hard to talk to people that don't... 1.00

02:30:43.000 They're like, shut the fuck up. 0.99

02:30:45.000 And it's like, I know you would understand. 0.99

02:30:48.000 And thank you for calling me, and that meant a lot to me.

02:30:51.000 And yeah, I appreciate it.

02:30:53.000 DVDSA.com, it's back.

02:30:55.000 It's back.

02:30:56.000 There's about 70 episodes.

02:30:58.000 Broadcasting from an insane asylum.

02:31:00.000 This book that no one wanted to put out that's pretty much almost sold out.

02:31:03.000 If you want to get it, it's at davidcho.com.

02:31:06.000 And this money, I'm giving it...

02:31:07.000 The contest ends on Halloween, but I'm going to give it away on November 2nd during our whole fuckfest during that thing. 0.93

02:31:16.000 Listen, man. 0.99

02:31:17.000 I hope you kick diabetes.

02:31:18.000 I hope you get healthy. 0.58

02:31:19.000 But don't change.

02:31:21.000 Don't change.

02:31:21.000 I'm not going to change.

02:31:22.000 Fuck the haters. 1.00

02:31:23.000 Fuck the haters. 1.00

02:31:23.000 David Cho, ladies and gentlemen. 1.00

02:31:24.000 Literally.

02:31:25.000 Good night, everybody.

02:31:26.000 Big kiss.

02:31:26.000 Thank you.

The Joe Rogan Experience - October 16, 2014

Joe Rogan Experience #563 - David Choe

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Transcript