The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #611 - Josh McDermitt

00:00:00.000 Get it, dude!

00:00:01.000 Get it!

00:00:16.000 Once upon a time, we were in Phoenix, Arizona.

00:00:20.000 And there was like an open mic competition.

00:00:22.000 Was that what it was?

00:00:23.000 No, I think it was a contest for the Las Vegas Comedy Festival.

00:00:28.000 Ah, it was a Las Vegas Comedy Festival contest.

00:00:31.000 And one young man stood out and wound up working with us that weekend. 0.92

00:00:36.000 And it's this guy, Josh McDermott, who's on the fucking Walking Dead now. 0.96

00:00:39.000 Yeah, man. 0.98

00:00:39.000 How's that happen? 0.98

00:00:40.000 I don't know, man.

00:00:41.000 I was just talking to Brian about it.

00:00:43.000 Like, I've hit the jackpot.

00:00:46.000 Dude, you got a lottery ticket.

00:00:48.000 You got the Willy Wonka golden ticket.

00:00:49.000 I did.

00:00:50.000 You're on one of the greatest shows ever.

00:00:51.000 It was my favorite show before I came in.

00:00:53.000 So literally, I hit the fan lottery.

00:00:55.000 And I'm just like, I don't know, man.

00:00:57.000 It's weird.

00:00:58.000 It's really surreal.

00:00:59.000 To think about...

00:01:01.000 Because that show...

00:01:02.000 I don't know, man.

00:01:04.000 That show in Phoenix that we did...

00:01:05.000 You were doing a weekend there.

00:01:07.000 And then they asked the audience after your show to stick around so that they could do this little...

00:01:12.000 It was like a contest or some sort of showcase to select someone to go to this festival.

00:01:17.000 And they put me last...

00:01:19.000 And the first comic goes up and half of your crowd, like most of your crowd stuck around.

00:01:23.000 Half the crowd walks after the first comic. 0.99

00:01:26.000 And I was like, oh shit, man. 0.98

00:01:27.000 And I'm sitting in the back next to you and I hadn't met you. 0.98

00:01:31.000 I mean, I'd met you like as I worked at that radio station, but like, you know, we didn't know each other.

00:01:35.000 You're just eating your meal and you're watching this and I'm looking at you and you're not laughing at anybody because it wasn't funny. 0.98

00:01:41.000 And I was like, oh, this sucks, man. 1.00

00:01:43.000 Like Rogan's just going to be like, man, these guys fucking suck. 1.00

00:01:46.000 Like he's going to talk trash about us or whatever. 1.00

00:01:49.000 More and more people keep leaving as the show's going on to the point that it's like a 500-seat theater and there's like 30 people left by the time I get up. 0.99

00:01:57.000 And I didn't give a shit at that point. 0.97

00:02:00.000 And literally, I heard you laughing the loudest in the back at my set. 0.99

00:02:03.000 And I'm like, well, that's a victory, I guess.

00:02:05.000 And then I got to go to the festival and that was fun and everything.

00:02:08.000 But you literally asked me, you're like, hey, you want to open for me the rest of the weekend?

00:02:12.000 And that just kind of set me on this path.

00:02:14.000 To come to LA and pursue acting and to continue to do stand-up and all that, dude.

00:02:18.000 Like, I don't know how much you realize, like, how important you've been to me, man.

00:02:24.000 Seriously. 0.98

00:02:25.000 That's ridiculous. 0.95

00:02:26.000 Like, I wouldn't be here. 0.98

00:02:27.000 I literally wouldn't be here.

00:02:28.000 Wow.

00:02:29.000 Well, that's amazing. 0.99

00:02:30.000 Because you're fucking fantastic on that show, dude. 0.98

00:02:32.000 So it was all meant to be. 0.96

00:02:34.000 Thank you.

00:02:34.000 It's just one of those things.

00:02:35.000 I don't believe in fate, but if I did believe in fate, there's plenty of evidence.

00:02:39.000 There's plenty of evidence, yeah. 0.97

00:02:41.000 And if there's a fucking Bill Hicks biopic, dude, you're playing him. 0.98

00:02:45.000 You're not the first person to tell me that. 0.99

00:02:46.000 Jesus Christ!

00:02:47.000 Russell Crowe's got the rights to some Bill story or something.

00:02:51.000 Yeah, well, they'll probably ruin it.

00:02:53.000 It's probably not something you want to be involved with anyway.

00:02:57.000 It seems like every time they do a story about a guy...

00:03:02.000 That it was a real person. 1.00

00:03:03.000 They just butchered the reality and fuck with it. 0.99

00:03:06.000 Weren't they doing something with Kinison a while ago? 1.00

00:03:10.000 Supposedly, yeah.

00:03:10.000 I saw some trailer come out with some guy.

00:03:13.000 I don't remember who he is.

00:03:14.000 I recognize him from different movies.

00:03:16.000 But he was on stage just being Sam.

00:03:18.000 And I was like, oh my god, this is amazing.

00:03:20.000 But that was like five years ago and I hadn't heard anything about that.

00:03:22.000 I haven't seen that.

00:03:23.000 I never saw a trailer.

00:03:24.000 I know who it was.

00:03:25.000 It was in that movie Take Me Home Tonight with Topher Grace.

00:03:28.000 He played one of the, like, his friend in it.

00:03:31.000 Josh Gad.

00:03:31.000 Dan...

00:03:32.000 It wasn't Josh.

00:03:33.000 He was a Josh Gad type.

00:03:35.000 It says Josh Gad to play...

00:03:37.000 No.

00:03:38.000 This was a while ago.

00:03:39.000 They might have, like, swapped in and out because the project's probably been on the shelf for so long.

00:03:44.000 Yeah. 0.59

00:03:45.000 They'll fuck it up. 0.81

00:03:46.000 They'll make him something that he wasn't. 0.93

00:03:47.000 They always do that because they're doing that prior movie, too, aren't they?

00:03:50.000 They'll fuck that up, too.

00:03:52.000 I think that already came out, yeah?

00:03:54.000 The prior movie?

00:03:55.000 No, no.

00:03:55.000 You're thinking of the Jimi Hendrix movie.

00:03:57.000 That came out. 1.00

00:03:57.000 That was dog shit. 1.00

00:03:59.000 They've ruined them, man. 1.00

00:04:00.000 I mean, you know, there's this guy, Mark Schultz, and he was the Olympic wrestler that his brother, Dave Schultz, got killed by that guy, John DuPont, that crazy millionaire, billionaire guy in Connecticut. 0.98

00:04:13.000 They fucked that up, man. 0.96

00:04:14.000 I went to see that movie. 0.97

00:04:18.000 Mark Schultz made a bunch of tweets about it, about how pissed off he was. 0.96

00:04:22.000 They fucked with his story. 0.95

00:04:25.000 They fucked with his timeline. 0.97

00:04:26.000 They fucked with how much success he actually had as a wrestler before he went to... 0.98

00:04:31.000 He was already an Olympic gold medalist and a world champion. 0.97

00:04:33.000 They made it out like he was struggling.

00:04:35.000 Sure. 1.00

00:04:36.000 They added a bunch of weird gay shit. 1.00

00:04:38.000 They changed the timeline of when he fought in the UFC. And the UFC fought a white guy instead of a black guy. 1.00

00:04:44.000 They changed the timeline of the UFC. They made the UFC in 1987. It didn't even exist until 1993. Like, Hollywood is filled with assholes.

00:04:54.000 Just filled with assholes that think that they can alter reality. 1.00

00:04:59.000 We're talking about a real-life story. 1.00

00:05:01.000 A guy's real fucking story. 0.98

00:05:03.000 Yeah, they do seem to screw it up a lot, but I don't really know. 0.97

00:05:06.000 Is there anyone that they've done?

00:05:08.000 Has there been a movie that we kind of go, oh yeah, that's pretty great.

00:05:13.000 Never.

00:05:14.000 Lenny. 0.98

00:05:14.000 Dustin Hoffman played Lenny Bruce and he fucking nailed it. 0.98

00:05:17.000 And it was a really good movie. 0.98

00:05:20.000 Like, if you watch that movie Lenny, you really feel like you kind of understand what Lenny Bruce is going through.

00:05:26.000 This is back when he was being tried for censorship.

00:05:29.000 He would...

00:05:29.000 He would go in front of these courts and they would do his act.

00:05:34.000 They would read his act out loud, like the words that he said, and then convict him for these profanity charges. 0.98

00:05:41.000 I mean, that guy really fucking paved the path. 0.97

00:05:43.000 If it wasn't for him, you and I wouldn't be here. 0.97

00:05:46.000 I mean, if it wasn't for the guys like him and George Carlin, the guys that actually went to jail for saying words that we say on a regular basis.

00:05:56.000 Right. 0.96

00:05:57.000 It was about 50 fucking years ago. 0.99

00:05:59.000 I know. 0.98

00:05:59.000 It wasn't that long ago. 0.98

00:06:00.000 It's crazy if you really stop and think about it.

00:06:02.000 It's insanity, man.

00:06:03.000 Did you see that preview for the new NWA movie?

00:06:05.000 That looks pretty legit.

00:06:07.000 I mean, it's a great trailer.

00:06:08.000 That's a documentary, isn't it?

00:06:09.000 No, no, no.

00:06:10.000 It's actually just about them growing up.

00:06:13.000 Yeah.

00:06:13.000 Oh, it's like a biopic?

00:06:14.000 Oh, wow.

00:06:15.000 And they have a guy that looks kind of like Ice Cube.

00:06:18.000 I mean, he sounds just like Ice Cube.

00:06:20.000 It's really neat.

00:06:21.000 Who's in it?

00:06:22.000 A bunch of no-names, mostly.

00:06:24.000 But...

00:06:25.000 I guess that's why the whole thing happened with that big guy, TMZ guy. 1.00

00:06:30.000 Josh McDermott tweeting while he's on a fucking podcast. 1.00

00:06:32.000 Can't do it. 1.00

00:06:33.000 Put it down.

00:06:34.000 I'm trying to find that guy.

00:06:36.000 Which guy?

00:06:37.000 The Sam Kinison guy.

00:06:37.000 He already found it.

00:06:38.000 He already found it.

00:06:39.000 Put the picture up on the image.

00:06:40.000 Yeah, sure.

00:06:42.000 This isn't it.

00:06:47.000 How dare you.

00:06:50.000 You were making such a big deal over there.

00:06:52.000 Yeah, this.

00:06:54.000 Oh, it's a screen test.

00:06:55.000 Dan Fogler screen test.

00:06:57.000 Tony Winner, is that who the guy is?

00:06:59.000 Well, that's a screen test.

00:07:00.000 Hold on, stop.

00:07:01.000 That's a screen test.

00:07:02.000 That's not a trailer.

00:07:03.000 Yeah, I didn't know it was a screen test when I watched it.

00:07:07.000 I mean, I would have known if it said screen test, but wherever...

00:07:12.000 Yeah, I mean, that might not be him.

00:07:14.000 I mean, either way, they'll ruin it.

00:07:17.000 Probably. 1.00

00:07:18.000 But if they do a Bill Hicks one and they're going to ruin it and give you a lot of money, I'd say fuck. 1.00

00:07:22.000 If we're going to ruin it, I'd rather it be me ruining it than someone else. 0.99

00:07:25.000 You know, let's have some respect for the guy.

00:07:28.000 Dude, that character you play in The Walking Dead is very unusual. 0.78

00:07:31.000 That's a weird character, like a strange sort of pseudo-autistic, really intelligent but fucked up dude involved in one of the...

00:07:41.000 The show's not even about the monsters anymore. 0.93

00:07:44.000 It's about the humans and their interactions with each other and just them surviving, you know, the apocalypse.

00:07:44.000 No.

00:07:52.000 I mean, the biggest threat isn't, yeah, isn't the zombies.

00:07:54.000 It's, you know, the guy with the eye patch, the governor, or it's like someone else going like, you got food and water.

00:08:00.000 I want that.

00:08:01.000 You know, that's what's really scary.

00:08:01.000 Yeah.

00:08:03.000 But this character, you know, it's kind of funny when I hear people like really simplify him and go, he's just weird.

00:08:09.000 And I'm like, okay.

00:08:11.000 It's a lot more than that.

00:08:12.000 There's a lot more to him.

00:08:13.000 He's very complex.

00:08:14.000 And, you know, it's fun to play a different character in this world where like...

00:08:20.000 Obviously, you've got guys like Daryl or Michonne who are just epic badasses, and obviously those people are probably going to rise to the top in this world.

00:08:28.000 Just people who are physically fit and can just do whatever they have to do to survive.

00:08:33.000 This guy is completely opposite, and that's what becomes fun about playing him is that you just wouldn't expect that.

00:08:40.000 I have a theory that if the apocalypse happened, most people would be more like Eugene than they would like Daryl.

00:08:46.000 Yeah, most likely.

00:08:47.000 Did you know the whole character arc?

00:08:50.000 Like, what was going to happen to him?

00:08:52.000 I mean, I don't want to give away too much.

00:08:53.000 If you're one of those people that binge watches, stop now.

00:08:57.000 Because we're probably going to talk too much about the show. 1.00

00:08:59.000 We'll fuck it up for you. 0.95

00:09:00.000 Spoiler alert! 0.92

00:09:03.000 Well, obviously the show is based on a comic, so, you know, the information is out there from there.

00:09:09.000 But on the show, they like to deviate from the storylines on the comics.

00:09:13.000 How much do they deviate?

00:09:15.000 I mean, they'll just create brand new storylines for people.

00:09:18.000 Again, if you haven't watched this last weekend's episode, there was a major character death, but his death, you know, he dies in the comics, but the death on the show was not how they did it in the comics.

00:09:29.000 There was another character that that guy's death was this guy from last weekend's death in the comics, and it just gets mixed around.

00:09:39.000 But with, so I knew that, you know, when I took the job, I knew the big reveals that my character would have.

00:09:47.000 And this is weird to be talking about it in vague terms.

00:09:49.000 I feel like if you haven't seen it by now. 1.00

00:09:51.000 Yeah, fuck you if you haven't seen it by now. 0.99

00:09:55.000 So we find out Eugene was lying about knowing the cure, but the moment, because I came out on season four, I knew that he was lying the whole time. 1.00

00:10:04.000 Oh, okay.

00:10:05.000 But, you know, I don't think some of the other actors knew.

00:10:08.000 You know, because they don't read the comics.

00:10:09.000 They don't really tell us what's going on with other people's storylines.

00:10:12.000 Right.

00:10:12.000 And you don't know necessarily whether they're going to stick with that storyline that's in the comic or whether they're going to deviate.

00:10:18.000 Right.

00:10:19.000 And so that's where, like, you know, I knew that I was lying and that once that was revealed, like, all bets are off.

00:10:26.000 Like, I don't know how much longer I have.

00:10:28.000 Right.

00:10:29.000 You know, how much longer I'll be on the show because they like to kill off their main characters.

00:10:32.000 Right. 1.00

00:10:33.000 So I'm just like, ah, shit, alright. 0.99

00:10:35.000 But either way, man, this is gonna launch you, dude. 0.98

00:10:38.000 I mean, you're on one of the best shows ever.

00:10:41.000 Dude, it is insane.

00:10:44.000 It's epic.

00:10:45.000 It's so good.

00:10:45.000 I watched last night, and I was squeezing my wife's hand while I watched it.

00:10:50.000 I didn't, you know, this week's episode, I didn't watch it until last night.

00:10:52.000 She's like, look at my hand, look at my hand.

00:10:54.000 I'm like, hey! 1.00

00:10:55.000 You get fucking crazy. 1.00

00:10:57.000 It's such a good show. 1.00

00:10:58.000 And it wasn't for a while. 0.99

00:11:00.000 It was really good in the beginning, and then it was like a little dip where I was like, oh, don't go Dexter on me, you fucks. 0.99

00:11:06.000 Don't fail. 0.98

00:11:07.000 But then it pulled out like a phoenix rose from the ashes even greater than before.

00:11:11.000 I know, man.

00:11:12.000 It's insanity.

00:11:14.000 Because, like, so...

00:11:15.000 The guy who runs our show now, Scott Gimple, he...

00:11:18.000 And I don't really pay attention to who writes episodes.

00:11:21.000 I'm just like, oh, it's my favorite episode, but I'm not looking up who wrote it.

00:11:25.000 So I started going back and looking at my favorite episodes, and I found out who wrote it, and it was Scott Gimple.

00:11:30.000 So my favorite episodes from season three was that episode Clear, where they're in that dude's apartment, and he's got all the writing on the wall, and he's gone absolutely crazy.

00:11:38.000 Do you remember this guy?

00:11:39.000 Yeah.

00:11:40.000 And so Scott Gimple wrote that episode.

00:11:42.000 I was like, oh, this...

00:11:43.000 Awesome.

00:11:44.000 It's one of my favorite episodes.

00:11:45.000 And then the other favorite episode of mine was when Sophia, the little girl, came out of the barn and she was a zombie and they had to kill her.

00:11:53.000 And it's like, he wrote that episode and I'm like, okay, so this guy running the show now has written my favorite episodes all along.

00:12:00.000 And it's like, he's like the best guy to be running the show because you're right.

00:12:03.000 I think, you know, it did kind of take a dip.

00:12:05.000 It was still a good show, but it just kind of like plateaued for a moment.

00:12:09.000 This is just me observing as a fan.

00:12:11.000 You know what it felt like?

00:12:12.000 It felt like a regular show.

00:12:13.000 It was so extraordinary in the beginning.

00:12:17.000 The character arc between Rick and his buddy who was banging his wife because they thought Rick was dead. 1.00

00:12:23.000 All that crazy shit. 0.99

00:12:25.000 It was so much nutty tension. 1.00

00:12:27.000 It left you in this weird space while you're watching it where you didn't know what to expect.

00:12:32.000 And then the zombies were new at that point.

00:12:34.000 There was so much going on.

00:12:36.000 It was like, whoa! 1.00

00:12:37.000 Every time it would fade to black at the end of the episode, you'd be like, fuck! 0.99

00:12:41.000 You know, you just have to catch your breath. 0.99

00:12:43.000 And then it got to be like a lazy Hollywood show.

00:12:46.000 And I was like, what happened? 0.99

00:12:48.000 Did some fuckhead producer weasel his way into a position of power and start manipulating shit and trying to turn it into another episode of Coach or something like that? 0.99

00:12:58.000 Craig T. Nelson shows up. 0.99

00:13:00.000 It felt like something happened like that.

00:13:02.000 Like it just became like a regular show.

00:13:05.000 I don't know the specifics, but Frank Darabont, you know, Shawshank Redemption is a great Hollywood screenwriter and director.

00:13:12.000 You develop the show from the comics and then he was in charge of it the first two seasons but then he left after the second season and so it's about the third season that they kind of went over some rocky terrain like you know they did there were some great episodes and my favorite episode is in season three but there they just didn't really hit it was very inconsistent and so then when Scott Gable took over season four it just took right off took right off it's amazing now god damn it's a good show He's,

00:13:42.000 you know, because I think just as, when I'm watching it as a fan, I would, it would kind of get boring at times where I'd be like, oh, okay, like, they run out of supplies, and they're going to go on a run, and oh, this zombie pops out, kill it, and then, you know, rinse, repeat, whatever.

00:13:56.000 So, but now they're, like, really developing the characters and, like, bringing them, you know, we're learning so much more about them, it's like, Freaking great.

00:14:03.000 Well, it makes me nervous every time there's a new scene.

00:14:06.000 It's like, it's so good right now.

00:14:08.000 Every time there's a new scene, like when they entered into that community where the kid who played Chris Rock grew up in.

00:14:15.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:14:16.000 And as soon as you enter into the community, I'm like, oh, fuck. 1.00

00:14:18.000 You know, like, what's happening here? 1.00

00:14:18.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:14:20.000 Like, your fucking pulse starts racing. 0.99

00:14:22.000 You start getting sweaty hands. 0.99

00:14:23.000 Especially when they're like a little nonchalant about it.

00:14:25.000 Like, they're just coming in, just maybe checking around.

00:14:27.000 You're like, oh, no, you got to be looking everywhere at this point.

00:14:30.000 It's so good, man.

00:14:31.000 And when he got bit, you see just a shadow behind him.

00:14:35.000 Just a brief shadow before it comes up.

00:14:38.000 It's not enough that you see it clearly coming. 0.99

00:14:42.000 It's like, oh fuck, what is that? 0.99

00:14:43.000 What is that? 1.00

00:14:44.000 Is that the kid that he's with?

00:14:46.000 Or is that someone else? 1.00

00:14:47.000 Who's the fucking shadow, man? 1.00

00:14:49.000 Who's the fucking shadow? 1.00

00:14:50.000 Ah, he's getting bit! 1.00

00:14:51.000 Fuck! 0.99

00:14:52.000 The great thing about that bite was that it happened like 20 minutes into the episode as opposed to like sometimes they'll wait till the very end and it's like oh no and then the episode ends. 1.00

00:15:02.000 He gets bit and then he has these hallucinogenic dreams and all this about these past characters are coming back and all this stuff.

00:15:12.000 Robert Kirkman, the guy who created the comics was saying it's going to be a fan favorite episode and it's going to be a fan hated episode because it's a very poetic type of Uh, episode that they wrote.

00:15:23.000 I really love that dude, too.

00:15:25.000 I'm gonna miss him.

00:15:26.000 He's the best. 0.96

00:15:27.000 That sucks. 0.82

00:15:27.000 Dude, he's so funny, man. 0.82

00:15:29.000 Is he?

00:15:29.000 You gotta get him in here.

00:15:30.000 He's, like, the funniest guy.

00:15:32.000 He's very subtle.

00:15:33.000 And then you just get him on a roll, and he's just, like, large and gregarious.

00:15:37.000 Like, he mispronounces everything.

00:15:39.000 And I don't know if he's doing it as a bit.

00:15:41.000 Like, so he is.

00:15:43.000 Yeah.

00:15:43.000 Like, he goes...

00:15:44.000 So there was some...

00:15:46.000 I guess he went to, like, University of Virginia or something, and they're...

00:15:49.000 There's some school in Virginia, and they're doing away with SAT scores.

00:15:53.000 They're only going to focus on the GPA now.

00:15:56.000 And then he retweets it and puts at the front, oh, hell yeah, my Alma Marta.

00:16:02.000 Marta, M-A-R-D-A? You don't know if he's kidding or not, but we were over at the table where they keep all the food one day when we were filming, and he's just going, yeah, yeah.

00:16:13.000 I go, oh, you see something you like?

00:16:14.000 He's like, yeah, I'm going to eat me some beef jersey.

00:16:18.000 Ha! 0.89

00:16:21.000 Like, I just look at him.

00:16:23.000 I don't laugh.

00:16:23.000 I don't know.

00:16:24.000 I'm like, is he just, like, dumb? 0.99

00:16:26.000 Or is he doing this on purpose? 0.99

00:16:28.000 Like, he's the funniest guy.

00:16:30.000 He's so funny.

00:16:31.000 I'll hook it up.

00:16:32.000 I'll get him in here.

00:16:33.000 He's great.

00:16:34.000 Because he's off doing another show now, I guess.

00:16:36.000 Yeah, it's, I mean, it's gotta be weird when you're on, like, an amazing show, and then all of a sudden you're dead.

00:16:43.000 It ends.

00:16:44.000 It ends for you, and you sit back, and you're watching it as it's still on television, you watch some of the guys you worked with, you know, and occasionally they bring you back for some dream sequence.

00:16:44.000 Yeah.

00:16:53.000 And you're, yeah.

00:16:54.000 And you're thinking, you know, it's very cliche to say, but it's so real.

00:16:58.000 Like, we're just a major, like a big family there.

00:17:01.000 You know, because we're in the woods in Georgia.

00:17:03.000 It's the worst time of year to be there.

00:17:05.000 It's hot and humid, fighting off ticks and bugs and these things called chiggers that, like, burrow into your skin and everything. 1.00

00:17:13.000 And then you're just out there, like, with your friends and family.

00:17:15.000 Yeah.

00:17:16.000 And it's great.

00:17:16.000 And all of a sudden, now you die and you can't come to work anymore.

00:17:19.000 Yeah.

00:17:19.000 You can't come to this horrible environment anymore and you just want it so bad.

00:17:24.000 But, you know, we'd go around and we'd do all these, like, Comic-Con conventions and stuff, which is like, dude, that is trippy.

00:17:31.000 But, like, we get to hang out then and everything.

00:17:33.000 So you never really fully...

00:17:34.000 You know, disappear.

00:17:36.000 That dude who was Rick's buddy, what was his name?

00:17:40.000 Shane?

00:17:40.000 Shane, yeah.

00:17:41.000 That guy is in a lot of shit. 1.00

00:17:43.000 Like, he's in a lot of movies. 1.00

00:17:44.000 He's really good.

00:17:45.000 He's ballooned up.

00:17:46.000 He's really good.

00:17:46.000 Did you see Fury?

00:17:48.000 No.

00:17:49.000 Fury was great.

00:17:50.000 I don't know if it was based on a true story or not, the Brad Pitt movie.

00:17:53.000 Tank movie, but Jon Bernthal, that's the actor's name, phenomenal.

00:17:59.000 I was surprised he didn't get nominated for an Oscar.

00:18:01.000 He was great in The Wolf of Wall Street, too.

00:18:03.000 Oh, yeah.

00:18:04.000 Yeah, he's really good.

00:18:05.000 He's like an ex-boxer or something, so everything he ever does is very physical.

00:18:11.000 All his roles, he treats it like he's in the boxing ring.

00:18:15.000 Didn't he get in trouble for beating somebody up?

00:18:17.000 Something happened?

00:18:18.000 Yeah, I think...

00:18:21.000 He has pitbulls.

00:18:22.000 I think he rescues pitbulls.

00:18:24.000 And then, you know, he lives in LA and some douchebag was complaining about his pitbulls or whatever.

00:18:29.000 And then his pitbulls started getting a little feisty and angry. 0.96

00:18:31.000 And then I think he just popped him in the face.

00:18:34.000 Oh, how rude.

00:18:37.000 Like a gentleman.

00:18:38.000 I don't know.

00:18:39.000 There's probably stories about it online.

00:18:40.000 But I think the guy was just like, oh, pitbulls, whatever. 1.00

00:18:43.000 Fuck you. 1.00

00:18:43.000 Boom. 1.00

00:18:44.000 Wow.

00:18:45.000 Like one of those things.

00:18:46.000 But he's a great guy.

00:18:47.000 He's really cool.

00:18:48.000 Yeah, he's a really good actor, too. 0.96

00:18:50.000 That whole arc, that story arc between him and Rick was a suck.

00:18:55.000 I've done just as many episodes as him.

00:18:57.000 Now, granted, he was at the forefront with the storylines and stuff, but I've done just as many episodes, but he is just at this other level.

00:19:06.000 I can't ever...

00:19:08.000 What do you mean?

00:19:10.000 It was such an iconic character in this huge storyline within that show.

00:19:16.000 So the first season was only six episodes, and then I did four episodes my first season.

00:19:22.000 And then he dies the next season, and I did just as many episodes as him.

00:19:26.000 Does that make sense?

00:19:27.000 Sort of, yeah.

00:19:28.000 Together, we've done the same amount of episodes, but he's just at this other level in terms of how people remember him and the character and all that.

00:19:35.000 It's pretty crazy.

00:19:36.000 Well, that's such a classic scenario, too, like coveting thy neighbor's wife. 0.51

00:19:40.000 That's the big thing with men. 1.00

00:19:44.000 One of the men's biggest fear is that their best friend winds up fucking their girlfriend. 1.00

00:19:49.000 That is a big, or their wife, or the mother of their children, and becomes the father to their son. 1.00

00:19:56.000 And he wanted to take over and he tried to kill him.

00:19:59.000 That whole thing was so intense.

00:20:02.000 It's such a crazy dynamic.

00:20:03.000 And the kid!

00:20:04.000 Yeah, the kid's amazing.

00:20:05.000 The kid's going to Shane for advice.

00:20:09.000 It's like Rick's getting pissed.

00:20:10.000 It was awesome.

00:20:12.000 It was intense.

00:20:13.000 It was intense and it brought you into this changing dynamic of the zombies not being the problem.

00:20:19.000 The people being the problem.

00:20:21.000 And how the people react when they have to formulate their own rules.

00:20:25.000 Yeah.

00:20:26.000 Everybody that says, like, preppers, everybody says, I'm ready. 1.00

00:20:29.000 You know, I got my fucking cans. 1.00

00:20:31.000 Like, you ain't ready for shit, dude. 1.00

00:20:32.000 Because it ain't about that. 0.99

00:20:32.000 No. 0.99

00:20:34.000 It's about how you react to all these thinking animals that are trying to get what you have now because they're starving to death.

00:20:34.000 No.

00:20:41.000 Because that's what the fuck happens. 0.99

00:20:41.000 Right. 0.99

00:20:43.000 If the apocalypse happens, like if the big one hits, you want to be right where it hits.

00:20:47.000 You want the earth to open up, suck you in, and close shut.

00:20:51.000 Don't die of starvation. 0.74

00:20:53.000 Don't die because people are eating you like in Terminus. 1.00

00:20:55.000 You don't want to be the guy who gets baseball batted and then gets your fucking throat cut into that trough. 1.00

00:21:02.000 You want to be the guy who the meteor hits right on your face. 1.00

00:21:09.000 The meteor that wipes out the power grid.

00:21:11.000 You want it to land right on your head. 0.72

00:21:13.000 Right on your face. 1.00

00:21:15.000 Really, if you're going to go, fuck going a year later or ten years later. 1.00

00:21:21.000 Well, I mean, think about it. 0.99

00:21:23.000 I mean, obviously my character was saying that he had a cure and everything.

00:21:25.000 There's probably going to be no cure.

00:21:26.000 If everything starts getting overrun at that point, they're not going to figure out how to reverse it or how to fix it.

00:21:32.000 So yeah, you want to go first.

00:21:33.000 Well, not only that, not only is there no cure, but everyone's infected.

00:21:37.000 Yeah. 0.97

00:21:37.000 That's what's the most fucked-up thing when you find out that everyone who dies becomes a zombie. 0.97

00:21:42.000 Like, when Shane died and he became a zombie, and you're like, okay, this is nuts. 0.98

00:21:47.000 Like, there's no way out.

00:21:49.000 Like, your way out is gone.

00:21:49.000 Right.

00:21:51.000 Right. 1.00

00:21:51.000 Because everyone's a fucking zombie. 1.00

00:21:53.000 So if you make a kid, and the kid is just born into your family, and that kid dies, it's a fucking zombie. 1.00

00:22:00.000 Right. 1.00

00:22:00.000 Everyone's a zombie. 1.00

00:22:01.000 Somehow.

00:22:02.000 Somehow.

00:22:04.000 It's crazy, man.

00:22:05.000 I don't know if that...

00:22:05.000 Does that ever get explained?

00:22:06.000 Don't tell me.

00:22:08.000 No, I don't think they're just gonna...

00:22:10.000 They don't have time to sit around and figure that out.

00:22:13.000 I think it's just like, we gotta find a can of beans, man.

00:22:15.000 We gotta find some fish.

00:22:17.000 Hold on.

00:22:17.000 Wait, no, guys.

00:22:18.000 We need to talk about this. 0.99

00:22:20.000 Yeah, it's a weird fucking... 0.99

00:22:22.000 Weird scenario. 0.98

00:22:23.000 The idea of being the last remaining survivors.

00:22:27.000 Yeah.

00:22:27.000 And, like, did you see the road?

00:22:29.000 Uh, who was that? 0.99

00:22:31.000 That was that very bleak, post-apocalyptic movie with, uh, what the fuck is that dude's name? 0.97

00:22:38.000 Vitor Morgensen? 0.98

00:22:39.000 What's his name?

00:22:40.000 Vigo Mortensen?

00:22:41.000 Vigo Morgensen?

00:22:42.000 I feel like I did. 0.95

00:22:42.000 I watched it for five minutes until he was teaching his son how to shoot himself in the mouth. 0.95

00:22:48.000 This is what you do. 0.72

00:22:49.000 If it's all over, you stick through it.

00:22:50.000 I'm like, we're good. 1.00

00:22:51.000 I don't need to see this shit. 1.00

00:22:53.000 I just don't need to see this. 1.00

00:22:55.000 I mean, what am I going to get out of this?

00:22:56.000 I'm going to feel depressed.

00:22:58.000 There's not even any monsters.

00:22:59.000 At least The Walking Dead gives me monsters.

00:23:02.000 Yeah, right?

00:23:03.000 Well, the cool thing about The Walking Dead, too, is they're always trying to maintain some sort of humanity.

00:23:08.000 Some sort of, like, you know...

00:23:10.000 Rules.

00:23:11.000 Yeah, some rules and everything.

00:23:13.000 And they're constantly, like, even this last week's episode, they're just like, yeah, I've given up.

00:23:17.000 Screw it. 0.99

00:23:18.000 Like, I wanted to kill that person. 1.00

00:23:19.000 Not because of what they did, but just fuck them, you know? 1.00

00:23:22.000 And you're like, oh, geez, like, it's all falling away. 1.00

00:23:26.000 And that's kind of where the season's going.

00:23:28.000 It's just going to get crazier.

00:23:30.000 I wasn't a big fan of that hospital, the chick wearing makeup and all that. 0.99

00:23:32.000 I'm like, come on, get the fuck out of here with all this. 0.99

00:23:35.000 I thought that was a little ridiculous. 1.00

00:23:36.000 She's way too groomed. 1.00

00:23:38.000 She's on her fucking bicycle every day working out. 1.00

00:23:41.000 Everyone's scared of her. 1.00

00:23:42.000 I didn't buy that at all. 1.00

00:23:44.000 I felt like that chick would have lasted about an hour where somebody punched her in the face, took her gun, shot her in the head, fucked her dead body, threw her off the top of the roof. 1.00

00:23:53.000 She's evil. 1.00

00:23:54.000 Get out of here, you fucking crazy lipstick-wearing cunt. 1.00

00:23:58.000 There's a few guys I didn't- the guy with the eye patch. 1.00

00:24:01.000 Get the fuck out of here. 1.00

00:24:02.000 That guy's a dead- he's dead. 1.00

00:24:03.000 He's not gonna live. 1.00

00:24:04.000 You can't even see shit that's coming from the right side, dude. 0.99

00:24:07.000 You're not gonna survive. 0.99

00:24:09.000 That is not- you're not running anything, okay?

00:24:12.000 I don't buy it.

00:24:13.000 Oh, he's extra evil?

00:24:14.000 He doesn't even have superpowers. 1.00

00:24:16.000 Like, how's that guy gonna run shit? 1.00

00:24:18.000 He's manipulative. 1.00

00:24:19.000 How- he's not even manipulative.

00:24:21.000 He's not even demonstrably manipulative.

00:24:24.000 You know, it's like, what is he doing?

00:24:27.000 It's a weak game.

00:24:27.000 It's weak.

00:24:28.000 It's got a weak cult game. 1.00

00:24:30.000 Damn it, stand on my left. 1.00

00:24:31.000 I can't see you. 1.00

00:24:34.000 God, man.

00:24:35.000 Yeah, there was a few bad guys and a few moments that I just thought were ridiculous, but it's the overall quality of the show.

00:24:44.000 It keeps surprising you, and it keeps drawing you in, and it just keeps making you think, like, what would you do if you were stuck in that kind of a scenario? 0.97

00:24:53.000 Would you just climb to the highest building and just close your eyes and fucking jump off?

00:24:58.000 Like, what would you do? 0.99

00:24:59.000 Yeah, I don't know.

00:25:01.000 I would...

00:25:02.000 I would try and survive, and I would probably be one of the first to go, is what I would do, personally.

00:25:06.000 I'd be like, okay, I got this, and then I'd get bit.

00:25:09.000 Like, what about you?

00:25:11.000 Exactly what I would do.

00:25:12.000 You don't even watch the show, man.

00:25:13.000 No, actually, I would hide and sleep.

00:25:14.000 No, I started watching it, but I got to the season three, and I stopped, and I just haven't gone back.

00:25:20.000 But I've read the comics, most of them.

00:25:22.000 Oh, wow.

00:25:23.000 Which I enjoy.

00:25:25.000 And looking at the comics, there should be, like, what, 11 or 12 seasons up to...

00:25:32.000 Already written.

00:25:33.000 Dude, they got so many storylines.

00:25:35.000 It's not even funny.

00:25:36.000 Well, it's a money machine.

00:25:37.000 It makes so much money.

00:25:39.000 It's so good.

00:25:40.000 One of the things is I watch it on Apple TV, which is the only way to watch it. 0.99

00:25:48.000 Watching it on AMC, it's like you just want to fucking drive to wherever the people are who put the commercials in and go, hey, fucking stop! 1.00

00:25:57.000 Fucking stop. 1.00

00:25:58.000 Come on, man. 0.99

00:25:59.000 This is not cool. 0.99

00:26:00.000 You got a Hardee's commercial or a fucking, you know, Carl's Jr. jammed in the middle of murder and mayhem. 0.99

00:26:05.000 All of a sudden, people are driving the newest Toyota truck! 0.99

00:26:09.000 We're having a party!

00:26:10.000 Wee wee! 1.00

00:26:11.000 It's fucking so distracting and so uncomfortable when you realize that they're shoving in 18 minutes of fucking commercials in a one-hour show. 1.00

00:26:20.000 That's obscene. 0.99

00:26:21.000 Yeah, it's rough.

00:26:22.000 It's obscene.

00:26:24.000 It really is obscene. 0.98

00:26:25.000 But when you watch it on iTunes, it's fucking awesome. 0.92

00:26:28.000 Because you get the whole show, no interruptions. 0.70

00:26:31.000 I tried watching it one time, and we paused it and we just left the room. 1.00

00:26:35.000 We go, let's just fucking come back in an hour and fast forward through this bullshit. 1.00

00:26:38.000 Like, we try to just watch the commercials for a while, and you realize, like, what an assault that shit is on your attention span. 1.00

00:26:45.000 It's an assault on your reality. 0.99

00:26:49.000 Right?

00:26:50.000 Why do you want me to dip in and out of this world like that?

00:26:53.000 It fucks up the whole viewing aspect of the show.

00:26:56.000 Well, I mean, I want to validate your opinion there, but...

00:26:59.000 Daddy's got to get paid. 0.99

00:27:02.000 You're going to be killed off next season. 0.99

00:27:05.000 I love the commercials, man. 0.99

00:27:07.000 The commercials are amazing.

00:27:08.000 I wish there was half an hour of them.

00:27:11.000 Joe, would you rather prefer commercials built into the show, like they're driving a Toyota car instead of having a Toyota commercial?

00:27:18.000 No.

00:27:19.000 It would have to...

00:27:20.000 The only way...

00:27:21.000 It would have to be non-intrusive.

00:27:25.000 And there's no way that it would work if it was non-intrusive. 0.93

00:27:28.000 You know, if you see some people that are fucking starving to death and they find a can of Coke and they drink it and they're sharing it back and forth, it's not going to make you want to go out and buy a Coke. 0.98

00:27:35.000 You know that Coke is fucking warm. 0.99

00:27:37.000 It's Georgia. 1.00

00:27:38.000 You know, they're finding it in someone's garage, covered in fucking bodies. 1.00

00:27:43.000 Three years expired. 0.99

00:27:44.000 Yeah, I mean, it's just...

00:27:46.000 It wouldn't work.

00:27:47.000 And then when they do do that, they do it like this.

00:27:50.000 Hey man, do you think we're gonna get out of here?

00:27:52.000 I don't know.

00:27:52.000 Yeah, they're holding it up.

00:27:56.000 But this fucking good coke, I'll tell you what. 0.99

00:27:59.000 You know? 0.99

00:28:00.000 I mean, there's no way.

00:28:01.000 There's no way they could do it.

00:28:02.000 Did y'all ever see, like, the Honest Trailers, that YouTube channel where they do Honest Trailers of movies and TV shows, and they did one for The Walking Dead where they just, like, pick it apart?

00:28:11.000 It's hilarious.

00:28:12.000 But one of the things they were talking about was, like, they were driving around, like, a Hyundai Tucson for a while, and it was always, like, this is the apocalypse, so everything's filthy, there's, like, a gross film on things, but the Hyundai Tucson was, like...

00:28:24.000 Immaculate.

00:28:25.000 They're just cruising through the woods in this thing.

00:28:28.000 Me, personally, I never thought about it.

00:28:30.000 I was never like, oh, I should go buy a Tucson or something.

00:28:33.000 But not until I saw that trailer, I was like, oh, I guess that was product placement.

00:28:37.000 It had to be, if they're making it clean.

00:28:39.000 There was one episode, I remember, where we were talking about it.

00:28:41.000 We were like, why are these cars clean?

00:28:44.000 I mean, even when it rains, it doesn't really clean your car that good, you know? 0.96

00:28:48.000 I mean, you don't have to fucking have a torrential downpour to do a half-assed job of cleaning your car, because bird shit, dirt, it just kind of gets, like, moved around on it. 0.99

00:28:59.000 Right. 0.99

00:29:00.000 Well, people still have to find their place in the apocalypse, and maybe some people are like, hey, man, I'm just here to wash cars.

00:29:00.000 You know?

00:29:06.000 Listen, we're alive.

00:29:08.000 We got cars.

00:29:10.000 Let's polish them up.

00:29:11.000 Let me wash them.

00:29:12.000 Yeah, I don't think that there's going to be ever a show like that that has product placement as opposed to advertising.

00:29:20.000 But I think it's probably likely in other shows.

00:29:23.000 I mean, you know they do that when you watch Iron Man.

00:29:26.000 You see him driving an Audi. 0.99

00:29:27.000 You know Audi paid to get that fucking car in the movie. 0.99

00:29:30.000 I mean, it's appropriate for him. 0.99

00:29:32.000 It doesn't stick out like a sore thumb.

00:29:33.000 He's driving this cool car.

00:29:34.000 He's a rich dude.

00:29:35.000 It all makes sense.

00:29:37.000 Well, you look at something like Mad Men, too, which is centered on the world of advertising.

00:29:37.000 But...

00:29:42.000 But I think the catch-22 with that is they can't really do any current advertising.

00:29:48.000 They're doing all old Lucky Strike cigarettes and this and that.

00:29:51.000 They're just like, well, I don't think those are around anymore, are they?

00:29:54.000 Oh, yeah, they're still around.

00:29:55.000 Are they around?

00:29:56.000 But it's just, you know, everything they do is from the 60s.

00:30:01.000 So unless it's like General Electric, which is so vague, people are like, yeah, that's right, General Electric, I should go buy a stove.

00:30:08.000 I've never watched that show.

00:30:10.000 Is that a good show, Mad Men?

00:30:11.000 It's good, but it's a little slow.

00:30:14.000 I think it's more geared towards women, maybe, because it's very drama kind of.

00:30:19.000 It's not that guy-ish.

00:30:21.000 Like, I just watched it because my girlfriend wanted to watch it, and that's the only reason I watched it.

00:30:27.000 And I kind of got addicted to it, kind of like in a Gilmore Girls kind of way, where you're like, oh, I know all the characters, so it's still fun to watch.

00:30:34.000 And a Gilmore Girls kind of a way.

00:30:36.000 Yeah, I watched all the Gilmore Girls because of the girl I was dating, and I got into it.

00:30:40.000 It was a great show.

00:30:41.000 You're 40 years old, man.

00:30:43.000 I know!

00:30:44.000 Lauren from the Gilmore Girls, she was on a season of News Radio.

00:30:48.000 Oh, was she?

00:30:48.000 Yeah, she's hot.

00:30:49.000 Yeah, I worked with her. 0.63

00:30:50.000 She's very cool.

00:30:50.000 She's a fun chick.

00:30:51.000 Mad Men was a good show.

00:30:53.000 I guess it's coming back for their final season.

00:30:55.000 I did a couple episodes of that, and it was kind of neat to be in that world and everything, but it was one of those shows where you kind of hated a bunch of the characters at first, and you liked some others, and then by season three, that reversed.

00:31:10.000 The people you liked, you now hated, and the people you hated, you now liked.

00:31:13.000 They kind of went through these crazy evolutions, and you know...

00:31:16.000 I think kind of like any show, I mean, it has its moments where you're like, okay, maybe I'll skip this episode.

00:31:21.000 It's kind of boring me or whatever.

00:31:22.000 But, you know, for the most part, it was pretty interesting.

00:31:26.000 The girl, the very voluptuous redheaded girl, that's like the big deal in that show. 1.00

00:31:31.000 Oh, Christina Hendricks. 1.00

00:31:32.000 A girl who has body fat, you know, but is still sexy. 1.00

00:31:36.000 She's a slut in the show, too. 1.00

00:31:37.000 How dare she? 1.00

00:31:38.000 Is she?

00:31:40.000 Yeah, I think she's... 0.77

00:31:42.000 A little, a bit promiscuous. 0.66

00:31:43.000 A bit, yeah. 0.97

00:31:44.000 That's not slut shame in the 50s, Brian.

00:31:46.000 She's also... 0.99

00:31:47.000 She's a very...

00:31:49.000 She's a strong character, though.

00:31:50.000 She's a strong woman, you know, but she... 0.92

00:31:52.000 I mean, they passed her around, kind of.

00:31:54.000 She's gotta be strong, carrying around all that weight.

00:31:56.000 Right.

00:31:57.000 Yeah.

00:31:58.000 Yeah, that's what I'm saying. 0.98

00:31:59.000 Those breastsicles. 1.00

00:32:01.000 You gotta have some fucking backbone. 1.00

00:32:03.000 Have you seen her naked photos? 1.00

00:32:04.000 No, but I mean for I think for women like to have breasts that are that large is probably really... 1.00

00:32:08.000 I know it's really difficult on your back. 0.94

00:32:11.000 I dated a girl who had a breast reduction because her boobs are so big. 1.00

00:32:14.000 She was born just like with really large breasts and her back always hurt and then she got her breasts reduced and she was like it's like the world took a weight off her shoulders. 0.67

00:32:22.000 Don't think about it like that. 0.99

00:32:24.000 But if you have, like, double-E tits, I mean, those are fucking probably like 20 pounds or something. 1.00

00:32:30.000 You're carrying around a lot of goddamn meat. 1.00

00:32:32.000 I saw her in person at a table read, and her boobs weren't as big as they appear to be on TV or in pictures and stuff. 1.00

00:32:32.000 That's a lot. 1.00

00:32:39.000 So I think she just kind of looked like a normal person.

00:32:43.000 But they just maybe push them up a bit, you know what I mean?

00:32:46.000 Oh, well, maybe they CGI or spread around a little bit.

00:32:51.000 But I've seen her in photos.

00:32:53.000 She looks very voluptuous, but sexy. 0.98

00:32:56.000 She's very sexy. 1.00

00:32:57.000 She doesn't look like, listen, bitch, you gotta get off that fucking craft service table. 1.00

00:33:02.000 She doesn't look like that. 1.00

00:33:03.000 She looks like a normal, healthy, curvy girl.

00:33:06.000 Yeah, she just looks normal in real life.

00:33:08.000 We don't have to talk about this chick's body. 1.00

00:33:10.000 Imagine if you're her listening to this.

00:33:12.000 I love how she's like the number one photoshopped girl on the internet.

00:33:16.000 There's like thousands of photos because there's so many fans that are in love with her boobs, so they overdo it. 0.99

00:33:22.000 Yeah, but you're showing porn, dummy. 1.00

00:33:24.000 Huh? 1.00

00:33:24.000 There's porn there. 1.00

00:33:25.000 Oh yeah, but I mean, I'm talking about like...

00:33:27.000 Yeah, but don't pull that up.

00:33:28.000 No, I'm just showing it to you.

00:33:29.000 You don't see it?

00:33:29.000 Okay.

00:33:30.000 Yeah, I'm just showing it to you.

00:33:31.000 But she was a part of the fappity, or whatever it was called.

00:33:34.000 The fappening?

00:33:34.000 Yeah, where people stole...

00:33:36.000 Oh, where they got the cloud photos?

00:33:39.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:33:39.000 People in their goddamn cloud photos. 1.00

00:33:41.000 Oh. 1.00

00:33:42.000 So she had a lot of naked ones? 0.66

00:33:44.000 I think she had three, if I remember.

00:33:45.000 Good for her.

00:33:46.000 Yeah.

00:33:47.000 Let it shine, girl.

00:33:49.000 Those shows about alternative times are always odd, too.

00:33:53.000 You know, those shows that they're doing from the 1950s or the 1960s.

00:33:58.000 Period piece shows are always very strange.

00:34:01.000 I think you've got to have someone who's autistic running that show.

00:34:05.000 You know, someone who just can consume all the knowledge from within that time, that era, so they can just do that.

00:34:12.000 Because for me, if I were writing on a show that took place in the 60s, I would be putting in...

00:34:18.000 I'm like, oh god, we're in the 60s.

00:34:20.000 You just need this super nerd who just knows everything about the 60s and that's it. 0.98

00:34:24.000 Well, that's what we were talking about with that movie Foxcatcher, that they fuck with timelines.

00:34:29.000 When you're doing something that's historical, it's very important that you stick to the timeline.

00:34:34.000 Because otherwise, why are you even doing an historical movie?

00:34:37.000 Do a movie that's completely fictional, that's influenced by or inspired by a true story.

00:34:45.000 You're trying to do an actual real story, though.

00:34:47.000 Yeah.

00:34:47.000 That whole story was messed up, though.

00:34:49.000 I mean, the true actual story of the Foxcatcher thing.

00:34:52.000 Oh, beyond.

00:34:53.000 Good grief.

00:34:55.000 And Mark Ruffalo was great in it.

00:34:58.000 Amazing.

00:34:59.000 How about Steve Kerr?

00:35:00.000 Steve Carell was awesome.

00:35:00.000 Steve Carell.

00:35:02.000 Didn't even seem like the same guy.

00:35:03.000 No, not at all.

00:35:04.000 And he played that role so perfect. 0.99

00:35:08.000 The role of this eccentric, nutty, really fucked up cokehead, multi-millionaire, billionaire, whatever he was. 1.00

00:35:16.000 He played it so well. 0.99

00:35:18.000 You really believe that he was this guy with no character that had been handed everything to him in his life and he just didn't understand.

00:35:24.000 Yeah.

00:35:25.000 Oh, that was a good movie.

00:35:26.000 And Channing Tatum, I mean, I'm not like the biggest fan of his movies.

00:35:30.000 Why, because he's handsome?

00:35:31.000 I don't like him because my wife likes him.

00:35:33.000 She thinks he's good looking.

00:35:34.000 Of course.

00:35:35.000 She wishes I had his body, but... 0.99

00:35:36.000 There you go.

00:35:37.000 No, he, you know, I don't know.

00:35:39.000 I'm just not like Magic Mike.

00:35:41.000 I just was like...

00:35:41.000 Wasn't your favorite movie?

00:35:42.000 No.

00:35:43.000 But they were naked and dancing.

00:35:45.000 I don't get it.

00:35:46.000 I don't understand you.

00:35:48.000 But he was great in Foxcatcher.

00:35:50.000 He was really good.

00:35:51.000 He was just walking around.

00:35:52.000 He looked like a giant ape.

00:35:53.000 Yeah, he stuck his lower jaw out.

00:35:55.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:35:56.000 Because that's what, like, when you look at Mark Schultz in real life, he has this very prominent, you know, fucking ape-like jaw. 0.99

00:36:04.000 Mark Schultz was a beast, dude. 0.99

00:36:04.000 Oh, wow. 0.99

00:36:06.000 It was really weird the way they did the movie.

00:36:09.000 Because they could have easily had him fight the guy that he fought in the UFC in the movie, but instead they made up some guy, made him fight a white guy.

00:36:19.000 It was really weird.

00:36:20.000 He fought Gary Goodrich.

00:36:22.000 It happened in 1996. It's a fucking historical fact. 0.99

00:36:25.000 But in this stupid fucking movie, it was a different guy, and the UFC took place, like when he was watching it on television, was in like 87 or 88. They fucked with everything in that movie. 1.00

00:36:39.000 They fucked with his accomplishments. 0.99

00:36:41.000 When he went to Foxcatcher Farms or whatever the guy called it, he was already a world champion multiple times. 0.98

00:36:48.000 He was one of the best wrestlers on earth.

00:36:50.000 And they made it look like he was living in his brother's shadow.

00:36:53.000 He wasn't.

00:36:54.000 It's just not true.

00:36:55.000 And they did that just to add drama to the storyline.

00:36:58.000 This guy needed his brother there in order to rise. 0.99

00:37:01.000 He's the big dumb ape and his brother's really intelligent and a really good wrestler. 0.99

00:37:06.000 His brother was really good, but he was really good too. 1.00

00:37:09.000 They always do that.

00:37:11.000 They'll do it with the Kinnison movie.

00:37:12.000 They'll do it with the Hicks movie.

00:37:14.000 I get trying to spin it a little bit for some dramatic effect or whatever, but you can't say that it's a true story at that point. 0.95

00:37:24.000 But you don't have to spin it when the story is so fucking crazy. 0.99

00:37:27.000 I mean, Steve Carell's character, that guy, John DuPont, was in real life, the things he did were so fucked up and so crazy. 0.99

00:37:34.000 I mean, he really did shoot Mark Schultz, Mark Schultz's brother Dave, in front of his family. 0.99

00:37:40.000 He just fucking pulled out a gun and shot him in a cocaine psychosis. 0.99

00:37:44.000 That was real, you know? 1.00

00:37:46.000 So you don't have to monkey with that, man.

00:37:49.000 It's weird enough.

00:37:51.000 But maybe, I mean, I'm not justifying it, but maybe when there's just millions and millions and millions of dollars on the line, people start overthinking it.

00:37:59.000 There's too many cooks in the kitchen and, ah, we've got to have them fight a white guy. 1.00

00:38:02.000 We can't, you know? 0.93

00:38:03.000 Yeah.

00:38:04.000 That's true.

00:38:04.000 They change it.

00:38:05.000 Yeah, that is true.

00:38:06.000 That's not to say it's okay.

00:38:07.000 It's just good grief.

00:38:08.000 But it's weird to do it while the guy's still alive.

00:38:11.000 And young.

00:38:12.000 I mean, I don't even think he's 50. He's alive and well.

00:38:16.000 And they're doing a story on his life, and they're changing everything around.

00:38:20.000 Monkey and reality.

00:38:22.000 That's just crazy.

00:38:23.000 Yeah, it's something that just happens.

00:38:25.000 There's so much money involved in Hollywood.

00:38:28.000 It's just why when a show like Game of Thrones, when a show like that comes off, it's almost like, how did this happen?

00:38:35.000 How did they make such a perfect show in spite of all the madness that's involved in Hollywood?

00:38:42.000 How did they figure out how to do something so good?

00:38:46.000 Even recently, I was reading a thing about that movie Jupiter Ascending.

00:38:46.000 I don't know.

00:38:51.000 We're just dogpiling Channing Tatum today.

00:38:55.000 I don't know what that is.

00:38:57.000 It just came out and it was something like $80 or $100 million.

00:39:01.000 I don't know if we know the actual budget.

00:39:04.000 It's opening weekend made like $10 million.

00:39:07.000 It's like, why are you spending that much money?

00:39:11.000 What was it?

00:39:12.000 Some sci-fi movie.

00:39:14.000 I don't know if it was based on something.

00:39:16.000 It probably was since everything is nowadays.

00:39:18.000 But, you know, for something to cost that much, I mean, that raises the expectation so much.

00:39:25.000 But it's probably because everyone's going, we got all this money invested. 0.99

00:39:28.000 We got to fuck with this. 0.99

00:39:29.000 We got to do this and change that and, you know, whatever, whatever. 1.00

00:39:32.000 So...

00:39:33.000 It's kind of sad that then, you know, you get a small thing.

00:39:37.000 I don't want to say Game of Thrones is small, but it's like, you know, how is it that that, like you said, is able to be something so perfect, be something...

00:39:45.000 Of a high quality.

00:39:46.000 It can be done. 0.99

00:39:48.000 But they just fuck with it too much. 0.99

00:39:50.000 Well, I think Game of Thrones is also HBO. And HBO seems to be... 0.99

00:39:54.000 I mean, it's just from an outside perspective.

00:39:57.000 I've never worked for them.

00:39:58.000 They just seem smarter.

00:39:59.000 They seem smarter with their choices.

00:40:01.000 I mean, they put on The Sopranos back when there was nothing like that.

00:40:04.000 You know, their choices have been...

00:40:06.000 They very rarely have a dud on HBO. I mean, when was the last dud show that HBO put out?

00:40:14.000 I don't know.

00:40:15.000 Yeah, see? 0.97

00:40:15.000 It's like, you can think of a million shitbag sitcoms and NBC fucking diarrhea'd out onto America. 0.97

00:40:22.000 You know, you could literally, you could just sit down with a pen and paper and write down how many CBS shows made you want to open up a fucking vein. 0.99

00:40:22.000 Right. 0.99

00:40:30.000 You know, like if somebody made you watch, you know, Mike and Molly every day for the rest of your life or jump off a bridge...

00:40:39.000 He'd have to go, all right, how long is an episode?

00:40:42.000 It's 30 minutes?

00:40:43.000 All right, I'll watch it.

00:40:44.000 Billy Gardell's funny, though.

00:40:45.000 He is funny.

00:40:46.000 Well, the girl's funny, too, but it's one of those shows. 0.97

00:40:46.000 He's a great guy. 0.97

00:40:50.000 It's like they make these mass-produced white bread mayonnaise sandwich shows.

00:40:56.000 Well, and they're doing 26 episodes, so five seasons into it, that's well over 100 episodes that they've done.

00:41:02.000 It's like, what more do we need to see out of these characters?

00:41:05.000 When you look at Game of Thrones, though, what season are we about to start?

00:41:08.000 Season four or five?

00:41:09.000 And they've only done 10 episodes a season.

00:41:11.000 Right.

00:41:12.000 It's so epic, though.

00:41:13.000 They have so many CGI things and the scenery.

00:41:16.000 It's a great show from top to bottom.

00:41:18.000 It must be an insanely expensive show to make, too.

00:41:21.000 I bet. 1.00

00:41:22.000 Like the war with the fucking giants and the fucking show. 1.00

00:41:26.000 Giant arrows at these things that are coming through the walls and chasing people. 1.00

00:41:31.000 Scary as shit, man. 1.00

00:41:31.000 Oh, man. 1.00

00:41:32.000 It's such a goddamn good show. 0.98

00:41:33.000 But, like... 0.97

00:41:35.000 It's interesting, like a show like Mike and Molly, like Billy Gardell, who's a very funny stand-up comic and a great guy.

00:41:41.000 Nobody knows who he is.

00:41:42.000 Right.

00:41:43.000 But everyone knows who that Melissa McCarthy girl is. 1.00

00:41:45.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:41:45.000 She's on the cover of fucking Rolling Stone. 0.99

00:41:47.000 She's in every other Sandra Bullock movie. 1.00

00:41:50.000 You know?

00:41:50.000 Yeah.

00:41:51.000 And it's weird how that happens.

00:41:53.000 Like, one character from one of those shows will take off, and the other one is, oh, that's that chick's husband.

00:42:00.000 Yeah.

00:42:00.000 You know?

00:42:01.000 It is weird.

00:42:02.000 It's Hollywood.

00:42:04.000 I mean, how do you explain it?

00:42:06.000 How do you explain it, Josh McDermott?

00:42:10.000 You're in Hollywood now.

00:42:11.000 You're an insider.

00:42:12.000 Man, I don't know.

00:42:13.000 I don't know, man.

00:42:13.000 Don't put me on the spot.

00:42:15.000 Being a Hollywood insider, too, do you get people that are coming up to you now because you're on The Walking Dead and go, hey, man, I got this script.

00:42:24.000 I mean, if you could just get it to those guys that wrote a speck.

00:42:27.000 Yeah, to a point.

00:42:29.000 I mean, I get hit up for things a lot.

00:42:32.000 Like, I was telling Brian, I'm doing a show tonight, and I haven't done stand-up in a while.

00:42:38.000 It's been a long time.

00:42:40.000 But the reason I agreed to do this show is because he's like, dude, I'm not going to promote you.

00:42:43.000 I'm not going to say you're on the show, whatever.

00:42:46.000 I won't put you on the flyer.

00:42:47.000 I was like, cool.

00:42:47.000 Low expectations.

00:42:49.000 But I'm getting hit up to do shows with these guys.

00:42:51.000 They want to make me the headliner.

00:42:53.000 They want to use me to promote their show.

00:42:55.000 I get it. 0.98

00:42:56.000 But, like, I'm gonna go up there and shit the bed if you put me at the headliner. 0.97

00:43:01.000 I haven't performed in a year. 0.97

00:43:02.000 Yeah, you haven't gone up for a year, and you didn't miss it at all, you said.

00:43:07.000 I didn't miss it.

00:43:08.000 Does that scare you?

00:43:10.000 I mean, were you, like, I mean, because comedy was your thing before this.

00:43:14.000 Yeah.

00:43:14.000 Yeah, I mean, it scares me a little bit, but I just was getting so burned out on it about doing stand-up in L.A. And I would go on the road, and I would love being on the road, and you get to do a real show, and you get to work on new material,

00:43:29.000 and you get to have fun.

00:43:31.000 And then you come back to L.A., and I was just like, I want to kill myself.

00:43:35.000 Doing these shows.

00:43:35.000 Why?

00:43:36.000 I hated doing stand-up in L.A. I don't know what it was.

00:43:39.000 I would never have a good show.

00:43:41.000 I could never work on new material.

00:43:43.000 Honestly, when I would do the Ice House shows, those were the best of the shows that I would do.

00:43:48.000 But then I'm like, I live on one side of the town and the show's on the other.

00:43:53.000 And I'm just like, God, on a Friday night, do I get to drive out there?

00:43:56.000 And it wasn't what I wanted to be doing.

00:43:59.000 Ultimately, I wanted to be acting.

00:44:00.000 So you kind of got into stand-up to act?

00:44:05.000 Or once you started acting, you realized you liked it better?

00:44:08.000 A little of both.

00:44:09.000 I think I loved doing stand-up.

00:44:12.000 I did it for 12 years, and then I was like, but I do want to eventually be acting.

00:44:17.000 So it wasn't like, oh, I'm going to use this to get in the door.

00:44:20.000 It was just like, I'm going to do stand-up, and I also want to act.

00:44:23.000 But then when I started to kind of dislike stand-up, at least in L.A., I started to love acting more.

00:44:29.000 What was your issue with stand-up in L.A.? You said you can't do new material.

00:44:34.000 Do you worry that people are watching and they're worried that you're going to fuck up? 0.87

00:44:39.000 No, it was like a weird... 0.97

00:44:40.000 I don't know.

00:44:42.000 I would just do a show and I'd run new material.

00:44:45.000 I mean, I don't know what your success rate is.

00:44:48.000 I mean, you've been doing stand-up for what?

00:44:50.000 26 years.

00:44:51.000 Yeah, 26 years.

00:44:52.000 So I don't know what your success rate is on a new bit that you write.

00:44:55.000 If you're going up and it's like, let's say you're going to try out ten new minutes, you know, does seven minutes of it usually work?

00:45:02.000 Or does three minutes of it usually work off the bat?

00:45:05.000 Completely varies.

00:45:06.000 I mean, one week it could be one minute, and the next week it could be all ten.

00:45:11.000 Week to week it varies.

00:45:13.000 Topic to topic it varies.

00:45:15.000 To me it's all about how inspired I am by what I'm talking about.

00:45:20.000 And if I'm very inspired, then I'll find what the energy is in whatever the subject is.

00:45:25.000 And if I'm not inspired...

00:45:27.000 But I know what you're saying about...

00:45:29.000 There's a sort of over it that the Hollywood crowds have.

00:45:33.000 Yeah.

00:45:34.000 They want to see a celebrity.

00:45:35.000 They want to see Louis C.K. or Chris Rock come in.

00:45:35.000 Yeah.

00:45:39.000 They're over it.

00:45:40.000 They're over it.

00:45:40.000 They've seen a million of them before.

00:45:42.000 They don't laugh as much.

00:45:44.000 I've seen at the comedy store literally a whole table full of people, especially if you watch in the back, that are just sitting there like this with their arms crossed.

00:45:53.000 Like, a whole table full.

00:45:53.000 Yeah.

00:45:54.000 Like, not having fun, not enthusiastic.

00:45:56.000 But you go to Pasadena, which is only a half hour away, and everybody's having a great time.

00:46:01.000 You go to Irvine, it's only 40 minutes away, everybody's having a great time.

00:46:04.000 It's just this one center, the LA center.

00:46:09.000 The TMZ, the 30 mile zone.

00:46:11.000 It's also, like, these people, a good percentage of them want to be in show business themselves.

00:46:17.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:46:17.000 And people that, like, this fucking... 0.99

00:46:21.000 Friend who's an actor and it's impossible to watch movies with this fuck because he was like, huh, whatever happened to that guy's career? 1.00

00:46:28.000 Like, Jesus Christ, can you watch the fucking movie, man? 1.00

00:46:31.000 What about your career, shithead? 1.00

00:46:33.000 You know, you don't even have a fucking career and you're shitting on this guy who's in Jurassic Park. 1.00

00:46:38.000 Just stop! 1.00

00:46:39.000 You know, you can't.

00:46:40.000 They're so self-obsessed that they can't even just enjoy a show, enjoy a movie.

00:46:46.000 Right.

00:46:47.000 You know, it has to be something about careers or, you know, the arc of their life's history.

00:46:54.000 I mean, it can't just be...

00:46:56.000 It becomes a human nature thing that we want to, like, pick apart other people and their successes, but it's, like, heightened when you're in Los Angeles and you're just constantly bombarded with people doing what you're setting out to do.

00:47:06.000 And maybe, you know, you're reminded of your failures and that sort of thing.

00:47:10.000 I mean, it could be that, too.

00:47:11.000 Oh, for sure. 0.93

00:47:12.000 I mean, they look at you and like, you got fucking lucky on that show, dude. 0.94

00:47:15.000 I could have done that. 0.95

00:47:16.000 What are you doing? 0.99

00:47:17.000 You're playing a fucking weird guy? 1.00

00:47:18.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:47:19.000 I could do that.

00:47:20.000 Bro, if I was there, guess what?

00:47:20.000 Yeah.

00:47:23.000 If I was in the fucking audition room before you, dude, I probably would've got that. 1.00

00:47:26.000 So fuck off. 1.00

00:47:27.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:47:28.000 No, you hear that.

00:47:28.000 Can I take your order?

00:47:29.000 Yeah.

00:47:30.000 Right?

00:47:31.000 You hear that.

00:47:32.000 Well, you definitely do.

00:47:33.000 You definitely get people that, for some reason, resent you for going to the audition, getting on the show, and they're watching you on television, and they've seen you in real life, and they're like, man, that would've been the perfect show for me.

00:47:47.000 Yeah.

00:47:49.000 For the most part, though, the fans have been great, but there are those guys, those people, just like, at least centered in Los Angeles, where you're just like, you know, you encounter them and they are completely negative and, oh, I could have done that, you know, whatever, whatever.

00:48:03.000 But, you know, when I say I didn't miss it, it's not that, you know, it's not like I was just sitting on my couch.

00:48:08.000 I was doing something really fun, you know, so I was like, it's not like I had this thing tugging me.

00:48:13.000 I had like an open invitation to go do the clubs in Atlanta.

00:48:18.000 When I was living there, and I just never was able to make it.

00:48:21.000 I was exhausted all the time.

00:48:23.000 What are the long hours?

00:48:25.000 You guys are working on set.

00:48:27.000 I'm usually up at 3.30 in the morning, and I drive an hour south to where we shoot.

00:48:33.000 We live in Atlanta, but we shoot an hour south.

00:48:36.000 I could live down where we shoot, but there's literally nothing to do.

00:48:40.000 I would go crazy.

00:48:42.000 I just do a quick little drive back up.

00:48:46.000 So you're up at 3.30 in the morning.

00:48:48.000 3.30 in the morning.

00:48:49.000 You get down there, 5 in the morning.

00:48:50.000 Yeah, I'm one of the first guys on set because they've got to put my mullet in.

00:48:55.000 Literally, they need time to put the mullet in. 0.91

00:48:58.000 Did you think, man, if I just grow out a mullet for real, I'll fucking save a lot of time? 0.84

00:49:01.000 I want to have a social life, man. 1.00

00:49:05.000 But dude, you could be rocking that mullet out, and people would be like, that's the fucking guy, man! 0.99

00:49:09.000 Yeah, I know. 0.99

00:49:10.000 I'd throw a hat on, and then no one knows.

00:49:12.000 But if I walk around with that guy who plays Abraham, Mike Cutlitz, he's got that handlebar mustache.

00:49:16.000 Oh, yeah.

00:49:17.000 Like, he can't get away from it at all.

00:49:19.000 I could put a hat on, no one knows, but he can't get away from that mustache.

00:49:22.000 Oh, he has to.

00:49:23.000 It's like orange, you know?

00:49:24.000 Does he have to wear that mustache all year round?

00:49:26.000 Ooh.

00:49:26.000 Yeah.

00:49:27.000 Yeah, so right now he's growing it out like in a beard.

00:49:30.000 So when you get to the end of the season, how much time do you guys have between you wrapped for the season and how much down time do you have?

00:49:40.000 Oh, we wrapped in like right the week before Thanksgiving, so November, and then the show doesn't come back until late April.

00:49:48.000 And so do you have like a contract clause?

00:49:50.000 Like you can't gain weight, you can't shave your head, you can't...

00:49:53.000 Yeah, there's some stuff.

00:49:55.000 I mean, I think, I don't know specifically those sorts of things.

00:49:58.000 I think it's just all common sense.

00:50:00.000 Right.

00:50:01.000 Don't gain weight, don't lose weight, don't cut your hair.

00:50:04.000 Don't get crazy. 1.00

00:50:05.000 This is a show looking for people to kill off. 0.98

00:50:07.000 I don't want to give them a reason. 0.79

00:50:08.000 I come back and I look like Chris Pratt.

00:50:11.000 I'm ripped all of a sudden.

00:50:12.000 They're like, I'm in that.

00:50:14.000 It would probably work that in their storyline.

00:50:16.000 Maybe.

00:50:16.000 You could be dancing.

00:50:17.000 I would.

00:50:18.000 Magic Mike style.

00:50:19.000 Yeah.

00:50:20.000 I would.

00:50:20.000 I mean, I find it believable if someone's going to lose weight.

00:50:23.000 Like, I don't know if you watched Lost, but that guy Hurley.

00:50:26.000 Never lost weight.

00:50:26.000 Yeah.

00:50:27.000 He gained weight, actually.

00:50:28.000 Yeah.

00:50:29.000 Well, it's because he got money and he started eating good.

00:50:31.000 Yeah.

00:50:32.000 That's exactly what it is.

00:50:32.000 That's what happens.

00:50:33.000 But, you know, it's like they're on a desert island.

00:50:36.000 Like, you would lose weight. 1.00

00:50:37.000 A lot of fucking weight. 1.00

00:50:39.000 Yeah, you're just eating pineapple all the time or whatever. 1.00

00:50:41.000 Like, just lose the weight, man.

00:50:42.000 There's no gluten on an island.

00:50:45.000 Right.

00:50:46.000 Every island is gluten-free.

00:50:49.000 You either bring your own gluten or you get none.

00:50:53.000 That guy, like, it's sad when you see a guy like that because, you know, like, that guy's so typecast and so morbidly obese.

00:51:02.000 It's like you were on a huge show, lost, giant show, and then nothing.

00:51:08.000 He's on Hawaii Five-0.

00:51:09.000 Him and the Asian guy. 0.63

00:51:11.000 Both on that show.

00:51:12.000 It's weird.

00:51:13.000 It's like lost, but now they're cops.

00:51:14.000 Like, recurrently.

00:51:16.000 They probably capped him in a while.

00:51:17.000 Like, look, you're in Hawaii already.

00:51:18.000 You want to work here?

00:51:19.000 Yeah, exactly.

00:51:20.000 Actually, I saw him in Burbank the other day, and I think he was on a date or something like that.

00:51:24.000 And the girl he was with, like, literally came up to his belt.

00:51:27.000 And he's just this little, small girl, and he's this huge, big Joey Diaz guy.

00:51:32.000 He's way bigger than Joey Diaz.

00:51:33.000 He's way bigger than Joey Diaz.

00:51:34.000 He's like Ralphie Mae style, more than Joey Diaz.

00:51:34.000 Like, twice the size.

00:51:37.000 Oh, my God.

00:51:37.000 How tall is he?

00:51:38.000 Is he a tall guy?

00:51:39.000 He was taller than me.

00:51:40.000 He was way taller than I thought he was.

00:51:42.000 I wonder how much he weighs.

00:51:43.000 500 pounds.

00:51:44.000 You think 500?

00:51:45.000 He's a big boy.

00:51:46.000 400 at least.

00:51:47.000 Joey got to like 450. Good grief.

00:51:50.000 When Joey was at his largest, people get big. 0.99

00:51:54.000 That's a lot of goddamn weight. 0.99

00:51:55.000 I used to weigh 300. Did you really? 0.99

00:51:57.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:51:58.000 Holy shit. 0.99

00:51:58.000 And then I went down to 220. I mean, I dropped like 80 pounds. 0.99

00:52:02.000 What did you do?

00:52:04.000 You know what?

00:52:05.000 It's this fad thing called eating right and exercising.

00:52:09.000 People should try it.

00:52:10.000 But you know what?

00:52:11.000 I got a problem with eating Mexican food and overeating and all that stuff.

00:52:14.000 And then just being lazy.

00:52:15.000 So then I yo-yo.

00:52:16.000 I get back up to 260 and then I go to 240 and I'm just all over the place.

00:52:20.000 But my dad's a huge guy.

00:52:22.000 I got big guys in my family.

00:52:24.000 I'm just afraid that I'm kind of, in a sense, predispositioned to do that unless I work my ass off. 1.00

00:52:30.000 Yeah, genes are a motherfucker, dude. 0.99

00:52:32.000 You see some people, like you see their kids, their kids are three, and they have these gigantic Michelin tire arms. 1.00

00:52:38.000 You know, like, fuck. 0.99

00:52:39.000 I mean, a lot of it has to be diet, but it's very clear that some people can eat anything they fucking want and never gain any weight at all. 1.00

00:52:47.000 Well, they show these kids on Maury Povich where he's like trying to confront the parents of these obese children.

00:52:53.000 And then they just like have the kid in the green room and they set a camera on him and there's this giant bowl of Cheetos.

00:52:59.000 And the kid's two years old and he weighs 80 pounds and he's just like wolfing down Cheetos.

00:53:03.000 And it's like, that's like every day for them. 1.00

00:53:06.000 That shit is so bad for you. 1.00

00:53:08.000 Most of the American snacks that you buy, like Cheetos and Doritos and all that stuff, they're filled with hydrogenated oils and fucking fats that your body has a really hard time digesting and artificial colors. 1.00

00:53:24.000 Your body's like, what the fuck is the diarrhea? 0.99

00:53:28.000 Your body just has no idea what to do with it all. 0.99

00:53:30.000 But sometimes it's so good, man.

00:53:32.000 So good!

00:53:32.000 Dude, spicy Doritos.

00:53:35.000 Oh, dude.

00:53:35.000 Oreos.

00:53:36.000 Forget about it.

00:53:37.000 Especially if you're high.

00:53:38.000 If you're high and you're hungry and you open the cabinet and they're there and you go, yes.

00:53:43.000 You don't even think.

00:53:44.000 You just go, give it to me.

00:53:45.000 I never buy that stuff, but if I see it out, like if there was a bag of Doritos here, I'd eat the whole thing.

00:53:53.000 The craft service table at The Walking Dead?

00:53:55.000 It's the worst, man.

00:53:56.000 Do you have a craft service table out in the sun?

00:53:58.000 Like, how does that work?

00:53:59.000 Yeah, it's, um, they just, well, they put a tent over it, but yeah, they just have, and you can order anything you want.

00:54:06.000 You can say, give me a grilled cheese sandwich or a quesadilla.

00:54:08.000 They'll go make it for you.

00:54:09.000 And so I always try to have someone else order for me so that they order something healthy.

00:54:09.000 Right.

00:54:15.000 Otherwise I'm ordering, you know, chicken quesadillas and then I order something else.

00:54:19.000 But, um, So then, of course, the actor thing is to get turkey wrapped in lettuce.

00:54:25.000 That's the actor thing?

00:54:26.000 With a slice of avocado.

00:54:27.000 All the actors eat that.

00:54:28.000 Really?

00:54:29.000 That's hilarious.

00:54:29.000 Yeah.

00:54:30.000 They try to pretend they're eating healthy?

00:54:32.000 Yeah.

00:54:34.000 I'm healthy.

00:54:35.000 I'm so superior.

00:54:35.000 I'm not like you.

00:54:37.000 I have all these healthy fats.

00:54:40.000 Omega-3s, bro.

00:54:42.000 I graze, though. 0.99

00:54:43.000 That's the problem I always had with the fucking craft service tables. 0.99

00:54:46.000 I would just graze. 0.99

00:54:47.000 And then I'd be upset at myself.

00:54:49.000 Like, why did I just eat 80 M&Ms?

00:54:51.000 Because that's what they put out.

00:54:52.000 They're there, and you're just like, you get a handful, you're like, alright, you justify it, I'm just going to have a handful. 0.97

00:54:57.000 Then you're like, oh shit, I got another hand, so you scoop up some more. 0.97

00:55:01.000 You know? 1.00

00:55:03.000 I have the biggest problem with all that stuff. 0.99

00:55:05.000 Kevin James brought a fucking trailer on one of his movies, and the trailer, it was like a regular big moving trailer, and it was filled with exercise equipment. 0.98

00:55:16.000 Oh, I thought you were going to say it was like food, man. 1.00

00:55:20.000 Just ho-hos and ring-dings and fucking donuts and shit. 1.00

00:55:22.000 Because I've heard they do that. 1.00

00:55:23.000 Like The Rock does that.

00:55:24.000 He's got a whole trailer.

00:55:26.000 Or Will Smith might have like a big bus full of...

00:55:28.000 Yeah.

00:55:28.000 Like that's great.

00:55:29.000 Well, I think that's where Kevin got it from.

00:55:31.000 I think he got it from Will Smith when he did that movie with him.

00:55:33.000 He did a movie with Will Smith and he was pretty inspired by that guy.

00:55:37.000 But...

00:55:38.000 I think that's a common thing.

00:55:40.000 They have these trailers that they rent and you get in them and they have everything.

00:55:44.000 And they had a tanning booth in it too.

00:55:46.000 Oh my god, that's over the top.

00:55:47.000 You can go lie down and get a tan.

00:55:50.000 But you can get a full workout in right there on the set.

00:55:54.000 He was doing that Here Comes the Boom movie where he had to play a fighter.

00:55:57.000 Oh yeah. 0.88

00:55:58.000 He lost a shit load of weight. 0.96

00:55:59.000 He gained it. 0.98

00:56:00.000 Way back.

00:56:01.000 Like double time.

00:56:02.000 I just saw the preview for that.

00:56:03.000 For some reason they made a sequel to Paul Black or the male mall cop sequel.

00:56:08.000 Holy cow, he's big.

00:56:10.000 Yeah, he got big.

00:56:12.000 He got big again.

00:56:13.000 But, I mean, why did he lose weight?

00:56:15.000 Was it because of, or gain the weight back?

00:56:17.000 Was it because of habits?

00:56:18.000 Or was it because maybe he thought he's not that funny if he's skinny?

00:56:23.000 Or, like, you know what I mean?

00:56:24.000 Like, that's the kind of mentality that people have, at least in this industry sometimes.

00:56:29.000 Like, I'm a funny fat guy.

00:56:30.000 I'm not going to be a funny skinny guy.

00:56:33.000 Kevin and I, when we were young, when we first moved to LA in the 1990s, he had an agent at the time that I talked him into firing.

00:56:42.000 But that's one of the things that his agent said to him.

00:56:44.000 When you're losing weight, you're losing roles.

00:56:47.000 He told him not to be healthy because it's bad for your career.

00:56:51.000 And I was saying, look around.

00:56:53.000 Look at all these people on TV. Are they all fat? 0.89

00:56:56.000 Is it the only way to be on TV? Do you have to be fat? 0.96

00:56:58.000 What are you telling me? 0.97

00:56:59.000 You're not going to be funny if you get skinny?

00:57:01.000 You're funny. 0.86

00:57:01.000 You're funny because of your brain, dude. 0.86

00:57:02.000 Your brain's going to work better if you're skinnier.

00:57:05.000 For him, Kevin doesn't have any real vices.

00:57:08.000 He doesn't drink.

00:57:09.000 He doesn't smoke weed.

00:57:10.000 He doesn't like to do drugs.

00:57:12.000 His thing is food. 1.00

00:57:14.000 He fucking loves food. 0.99

00:57:16.000 The way he talks about food is like the way a guy who is getting out of 20 years in prison talks about the first sex he's going to have. 1.00

00:57:24.000 Right.

00:57:24.000 He talks about it like, I can't...

00:57:26.000 These chicken parm sandwiches, they got this...

00:57:30.000 Crust they have on them. 0.99

00:57:31.000 It's fucking just golden brown, toasted. 0.98

00:57:33.000 Not burnt, but just slightly, slightly brown. 0.98

00:57:36.000 And the sauce.

00:57:38.000 The sauce and the melted mozzarella cheese.

00:57:42.000 He'll talk about it.

00:57:43.000 He told me about the best cheeseburger place in Encino.

00:57:47.000 There's apparently this donut place in Encino, Lucky's or something like that, and they also have cheeseburgers. 0.99

00:57:53.000 I never went there because, you know, what the fuck? 0.99

00:57:56.000 I'm not traveling for a cheeseburger. 0.99

00:57:56.000 It's just a cheeseburger. 0.99

00:57:58.000 I mean, how good could it be?

00:58:00.000 But listening to him describe it almost got me to drive there.

00:58:03.000 It was like porn. 0.91

00:58:05.000 To him, it's like porn. 0.99

00:58:06.000 It's clearly a vice.

00:58:08.000 Well, that was a problem John Candy had.

00:58:11.000 It's a common problem.

00:58:12.000 I was talking to...

00:58:14.000 There was that movie he did, Summer Rental.

00:58:17.000 It was like 1984 or something.

00:58:19.000 He was literally at his skinniest he's ever been in any of his movies.

00:58:24.000 When he was doing that movie, I was talking to the guy who wrote that and was one of the producers...

00:58:29.000 And he said every day they would go in, you know, break into his hotel room while he's on set and steal all the, like, food that he had taken from the set.

00:58:38.000 Squirled away?

00:58:39.000 Yeah.

00:58:39.000 And, like, he showed up with suitcases full of junk food.

00:58:42.000 Wow.

00:58:43.000 Like, several suitcases.

00:58:44.000 And they're, like, they had to literally take that stuff away from him so that he wouldn't eat it and, like, yo-yo his weight while they were shooting out of sequence or whatever.

00:58:52.000 And he was at his skinniest.

00:58:54.000 And he was still a big guy.

00:58:56.000 But some people have a problem with it.

00:58:57.000 I got a problem with it, man.

00:58:59.000 He still ate himself to death.

00:59:01.000 Yeah.

00:59:01.000 Well, I mean, John Candy died pretty young.

00:59:03.000 I mean, I don't even think he was 50, was he?

00:59:05.000 He was like 44 or something like that. 0.92

00:59:07.000 Yeah, all from fat.

00:59:09.000 All just eating himself to death.

00:59:10.000 He was so funny, though. 0.99

00:59:12.000 God damn, that guy was funny. 0.99

00:59:13.000 Planes, trains, and automobiles. 0.99

00:59:15.000 He was hilarious.

00:59:15.000 Oh, my God.

00:59:17.000 My buddies and I will do a John Candy movie night every once in a while.

00:59:20.000 I'll just watch a John Candy movie.

00:59:22.000 Great outdoors.

00:59:24.000 Home Alone.

00:59:25.000 The polka king. 0.81

00:59:27.000 He's so good, man.

00:59:28.000 Uncle Buck is great.

00:59:30.000 They're doing an Uncle Buck show now.

00:59:31.000 They did an Uncle Buck show way back in the day with somebody else.

00:59:35.000 That's weird.

00:59:36.000 Well, maybe they feel like enough time's passed now.

00:59:38.000 Don't you remember?

00:59:39.000 I think it was Jim Belushi or something like that.

00:59:41.000 Oh, really?

00:59:42.000 Yeah.

00:59:43.000 I don't know that that would have worked.

00:59:44.000 Oh, obviously it didn't.

00:59:45.000 Yeah, hold on a second.

00:59:46.000 Uncle Buck TV show.

00:59:49.000 Oh, it was Kevin Meany.

00:59:51.000 Oh, poor Kevin.

00:59:52.000 Christ.

00:59:53.000 Yeah.

00:59:54.000 That was 1989. Oh, all African-American Uncle Buck show coming soon. 1.00

00:59:59.000 No.

01:00:00.000 Wait, all African-American?

01:00:01.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:00:02.000 They're doing a Annie.

01:00:03.000 That's the new thing.

01:00:04.000 Oh, Christ.

01:00:05.000 That's hilarious.

01:00:05.000 That's weird.

01:00:06.000 That's hilarious how they do that.

01:00:08.000 Not that, I mean, not that, you know, it needs to be a white show, but it's like... 0.98

01:00:12.000 It's so calculated.

01:00:14.000 Just make another show.

01:00:15.000 Just make a show and hire the best actors.

01:00:18.000 Meanwhile, Salon.com will praise it for its diversity.

01:00:21.000 It's amazing what they've done.

01:00:23.000 Better than the original.

01:00:25.000 Because everyone's a minority. 0.75

01:00:26.000 Yeah.

01:00:27.000 That show, Black-ish, is pretty funny.

01:00:29.000 That's a funny show.

01:00:30.000 But that show would be funny.

01:00:32.000 I mean, it's original.

01:00:33.000 It's a first run.

01:00:35.000 No one's ever done it before.

01:00:36.000 It's their show.

01:00:37.000 They created all the characters.

01:00:38.000 Ian Edwards writes on it.

01:00:41.000 Lawrence Fishburne's on it.

01:00:43.000 I just filmed it right next to my house. 0.99

01:00:45.000 It's a good fucking show. 0.99

01:00:46.000 But it's like, they've got good writers. 1.00

01:00:48.000 It's just well done.

01:00:49.000 It would be well done if they were Chinese people. 1.00

01:00:52.000 It would be well done if they were Polish. 1.00

01:00:54.000 It's just a good show.

01:00:55.000 I can't wait until...

01:00:58.000 Racism stops and dies down to the point where it's no longer addressed.

01:01:02.000 Because it's so fucking annoying watching shows that are so clearly in response to the brownie points you're going to get, the social brownie points you're going to get for showing diversity.

01:01:13.000 It's not that diversity was important because it needs to be done. 0.89

01:01:20.000 It's almost like it's done just to kind of like score.

01:01:24.000 You know, it's done to like, look what we've done.

01:01:26.000 Look, we've got a woman and she's Asian and she runs the show. 1.00

01:01:31.000 There's a black woman president on our show. 1.00

01:01:34.000 The president of the United States is black and it's a woman on our show. 1.00

01:01:37.000 It's like, I see what you're doing. 0.99

01:01:38.000 You're doing card tricks.

01:01:40.000 Let's stop calling attention to it.

01:01:42.000 Just make it good.

01:01:43.000 Make it good.

01:01:45.000 It's duh.

01:01:46.000 It's duh.

01:01:48.000 Racism is bad.

01:01:49.000 I can't wait until it's done.

01:01:49.000 Duh.

01:01:52.000 Who the fuck do you know that's racist? 1.00

01:01:55.000 In this day and age, if I was hanging out with some... 1.00

01:01:57.000 Anthony Comey might be a little racist.

01:02:01.000 A little bit.

01:02:02.000 A little bit.

01:02:03.000 Some old school comics. 0.99

01:02:05.000 That guy's experienced a lot of shit. 0.99

01:02:07.000 Being a white guy living in New York and looking like him. 1.00

01:02:10.000 Things get rough.

01:02:12.000 But I think that...

01:02:15.000 Hopefully, in our lifetime, it'll get to a point where people will find other reasons to separate.

01:02:22.000 The idea of, like right now, you've got people that separate because of conservative and liberal.

01:02:29.000 You've got people that separate because of religious and atheists.

01:02:32.000 You've got people that separate because of vegan and meat-eater.

01:02:38.000 You've got all these little factions and groups that Separate from each other, you know, Seattle fans versus Patriots.

01:02:46.000 I mean, this is essentially, we like to be in these weird little groups. 1.00

01:02:50.000 And the group of white people, just white people, that don't like minorities, like, goddamn, that's a fucking stupid group. 1.00

01:02:58.000 Like, and the group of black people that don't like white people, like, that's a fucking dumb group, too. 1.00

01:03:03.000 These groups are dumb. 1.00

01:03:04.000 The idea of just one aspect of your appearance or one aspect of your ethnic origin is one of the dumbest fucking things to associate with. 1.00

01:03:17.000 And it's tiresome. 0.99

01:03:19.000 And the response to it, the opposite response to it, is almost just as tiresome.

01:03:23.000 It's almost like, just, we need to get to a point where it's not an issue anymore.

01:03:28.000 So that these, like the, making a black Uncle Buck is gonna, you know, people gotta go, why would you do that? 0.89

01:03:35.000 Why don't you just make Uncle Frank? 0.99

01:03:37.000 You know, make a new fucking show. 1.00

01:03:39.000 Right. 1.00

01:03:39.000 You know? 1.00

01:03:40.000 It doesn't have to be Uncle Buck.

01:03:42.000 It's not John Candy.

01:03:43.000 It's not even Kevin Meany.

01:03:45.000 Stop! 1.00

01:03:48.000 Stop! 1.00

01:03:49.000 Kevin Meany gets inserted into this argument against his will.

01:03:53.000 Leave me out of it.

01:03:53.000 Well, not only that.

01:03:54.000 Find me a black guy named Buck.

01:03:57.000 Right.

01:03:58.000 Are there black guys named Buck? 0.62

01:04:01.000 Okay, let's Google black guys named Buck. 0.89

01:04:05.000 I've never even met a white guy.

01:04:06.000 I mean, all the Bucks have been like Buck Rogers, Uncle Buck. 0.99

01:04:10.000 Yeah, that's like from the fucking 50s. 0.99

01:04:12.000 Buck. 1.00

01:04:12.000 When I worked at the radio station in Phoenix, it was owned by Buck Owens, the legendary country star. 1.00

01:04:18.000 Wow, images for black guys named Buck.

01:04:20.000 There's quite a few. 1.00

01:04:25.000 There's some fucking ridiculous images of black gentlemen named Buck. 1.00

01:04:30.000 No, there's a lot of white people. 1.00

01:04:31.000 The Jack Johns is in there.

01:04:32.000 His name's not Buck. 1.00

01:04:33.000 Fuck you. 1.00

01:04:34.000 This is ridiculous. 1.00

01:04:35.000 That's a Google image search. 0.99

01:04:38.000 Black eyes named Buck, and then pictures of Christina Hendricks' boobs come up. 1.00

01:04:42.000 And then Buck Angel. 0.88

01:04:44.000 Do you know who Buck Angel is?

01:04:45.000 I don't know Buck Angel.

01:04:46.000 Buck Angel was on the podcast.

01:04:47.000 Used to be a woman, is now a man. 0.99

01:04:49.000 Oh, wow. 1.00

01:04:50.000 Transgender, porn star, all yoked and shit. 1.00

01:04:54.000 Pretty ripped. 1.00

01:04:55.000 Really good guy, too.

01:04:56.000 Yeah.

01:04:56.000 Fun guy to hang out with and talk to.

01:04:58.000 Named Buck.

01:04:59.000 Black? 1.00

01:04:59.000 White as fuck. 1.00

01:05:01.000 But I googled black eyes named Buck. 1.00

01:05:03.000 Nope.

01:05:04.000 There's so few black guys named Buck, you don't even get past the first page. 0.97

01:05:09.000 You get one row of black people before you get white folks. 0.66

01:05:14.000 Right, and a couple of those photos, I don't know.

01:05:18.000 Yeah, they might not even be really named Buck.

01:05:20.000 They're just black people. 0.97

01:05:21.000 Oh yeah, those are just Buckeyes. 0.97

01:05:23.000 Yeah, one of them was Ohio State Buckeyes.

01:05:24.000 It's true.

01:05:25.000 It's Ohio State.

01:05:27.000 Two of them are Ohio State, and two of them are pictures from back when they, you know...

01:05:33.000 One of them is a whole website on blackface.

01:05:39.000 The history of blackface.

01:05:41.000 That's where the image comes from.

01:05:43.000 Okay, so that guy, Buck, was not even... 0.73

01:05:48.000 Oh, he was a black man. 0.78

01:05:50.000 Alright. 0.89

01:05:52.000 Blackface is a weird thing. 1.00

01:05:53.000 You can't do blackface today.

01:05:55.000 Someone was playing a character at a Halloween party and they put blackface on and they got fired from their job because you can't pretend to be a black person. 0.93

01:06:09.000 You cannot have black person makeup on if you are a white person. 1.00

01:06:14.000 I successfully did it because I was a black wizard though. 0.91

01:06:17.000 No, you didn't successfully do it, dude.

01:06:19.000 Nobody knew about it.

01:06:21.000 Nobody knew about it.

01:06:22.000 And you can't get fired from your job.

01:06:24.000 You work for me.

01:06:24.000 No, I mean, I went to parties and no one ever said anything because I was playing almost like a superhero kind of character, you know, but it was a black face.

01:06:33.000 What parties did you go to, though?

01:06:35.000 The South Park party, and then I went to a couple bars.

01:06:38.000 Gilmore Girls Party.

01:06:39.000 You hear what I'm saying?

01:06:39.000 Exactly.

01:06:41.000 You're not working for a company.

01:06:42.000 What I'm saying is that there was a company, and they had a party, and they had a Halloween party, and this guy showed up in blackface, and they fired him.

01:06:49.000 And it was this issue, like, come on, man.

01:06:51.000 He's playing like Mr. T. He had gold chains on and everything, and he put black skin-colored makeup on. 0.99

01:06:58.000 You literally cannot do that.

01:07:00.000 You can pretend to be from Avatar. 0.89

01:07:02.000 You can pretend to be a lot of things, which you can't pretend to be as a black person. 0.95

01:07:07.000 You cannot darken your skin color. 0.97

01:07:09.000 Yeah.

01:07:10.000 That's weird. 0.99

01:07:11.000 That's a weird fucking rule. 0.99

01:07:13.000 And when you say this, and I've said this before on the podcast, people will fucking freak out, and the ultra-sensitive social justice warrior types will start tweeting you. 0.99

01:07:22.000 Do you not understand? 0.98

01:07:23.000 Do you not understand the context of where blackface came from and how offensive it is to people of color? 1.00

01:07:28.000 Fuck off! 1.00

01:07:30.000 Fuck off with your fake sensitivity. 1.00

01:07:33.000 I know what you're doing, you brownie point searching for assholes. 1.00

01:07:37.000 It's just skin. 1.00

01:07:39.000 It's just the color of skin.

01:07:40.000 It's preposterous.

01:07:42.000 The idea that you can't play Denzel Washington.

01:07:45.000 You can't do it?

01:07:47.000 You can't ever do it.

01:07:48.000 You have to be the white Denzel Washington?

01:07:50.000 What if I want to play Denzel Washington for Halloween?

01:07:53.000 I'm a huge Denzel Washington fan.

01:07:53.000 I can't do it.

01:07:55.000 I loved all his movies.

01:07:56.000 But a girl could. 1.00

01:07:57.000 A girl cannot wear blackface. 1.00

01:07:57.000 No, they can't. 1.00

01:07:59.000 I bet you a girl could get away with doing blackface as a guy. 1.00

01:08:02.000 As Denzel Washington.

01:08:03.000 I doubt it.

01:08:04.000 Or Mr. T. Who's that actress that just got in trouble this year for Halloween? 1.00

01:08:08.000 She did blackface. 0.99

01:08:11.000 Julian.

01:08:12.000 Julian.

01:08:14.000 Yeah.

01:08:14.000 Someone from Orange is the New Black.

01:08:17.000 Did she get in trouble?

01:08:19.000 Yeah, she was on TMZ about it.

01:08:21.000 It was all over the place about it.

01:08:23.000 Have you been following the Jenner thing at all, Joe?

01:08:25.000 Of course I have. 0.73

01:08:26.000 This white teens in blackface. 0.64

01:08:29.000 Yeah, there's a bunch of these Missouri high school girls wear blackface. 1.00

01:08:35.000 Outrage.

01:08:36.000 Outrage as white high school seniors in Missouri show up for girls powder puff football game in blackface. 0.59

01:08:43.000 Look at this. 1.00

01:08:46.000 That's people in Missouri that think they can, they just think they can fucking do anything. 1.00

01:08:52.000 They're like, well, shit, we're in Missouri. 1.00

01:08:55.000 We don't have to follow your liberal rules. 1.00

01:08:58.000 Anywhere near Ferguson?

01:08:59.000 I mean, do they not watch the news?

01:09:01.000 Do they not know...

01:09:03.000 They're not interested.

01:09:04.000 The racial tensions that are taking place within their state.

01:09:06.000 They're like, I'm staying in this town.

01:09:08.000 I ain't moving from this town.

01:09:10.000 This is where I live.

01:09:11.000 They're all wearing blackface, and they have teachers around them that are all smiling.

01:09:16.000 The images of white girls with their faces painted black was posted on social media, sparking outrage.

01:09:23.000 This is like some serious blackface, though. 1.00

01:09:25.000 They didn't even bother doing the neck. 0.80

01:09:28.000 They're just blackface. 1.00

01:09:28.000 No. 1.00

01:09:29.000 They're not pretending.

01:09:30.000 It's not called black neck.

01:09:32.000 Not black wrist.

01:09:33.000 That was a conversation they had.

01:09:35.000 Look at their arms.

01:09:36.000 Everything is white.

01:09:37.000 Everything is white except for their face.

01:09:39.000 Some of them have a black long-sleeved shirt on, but they don't have gloves.

01:09:43.000 That chick planned ahead. 1.00

01:09:45.000 Two of them did.

01:09:47.000 I don't know, man.

01:09:48.000 I mean, look, racism is absolutely disgusting, but you give a lot of people a lot of power when you allow them, you know, when you get so upset.

01:09:57.000 The principal said nothing racial.

01:09:59.000 This is hilarious.

01:10:00.000 Oh my god. 1.00

01:10:01.000 This is from the fucking principal. 1.00

01:10:02.000 Nothing racial about the powder puff team wearing blackface. 1.00

01:10:06.000 Oh really?

01:10:08.000 How is there nothing racial? 0.65

01:10:10.000 They're pretending to be a different race than they are. 1.00

01:10:12.000 That's very racial.

01:10:13.000 That's inherently racial. 0.94

01:10:15.000 There's no way of getting around it.

01:10:17.000 It's racial. 0.77

01:10:17.000 But here's the thing. 0.77

01:10:19.000 It's not bad to be black, okay? 0.50

01:10:22.000 So why would taking makeup and turning your skin black be bad? 1.00

01:10:27.000 I get there's a racist context to it, but when does that dissolve? 0.98

01:10:31.000 I mean, at one point in time, do we culturally just step back and say, like, that's ridiculous. 0.97

01:10:36.000 Somebody wants to be fucking Mr. T. If you're black, and you're hanging around with a bunch of white people, and they're legitimately your friends, and you love them, and one of them decides to be Mr. T for Halloween, and shows up with a bunch of gold chains, he's got a mohawk on, and he's got blackface on. 0.99

01:10:48.000 Are you going to beat him up? 0.99

01:10:48.000 Right. 0.99

01:10:49.000 Are you going to beat your friend up for being racially insensitive? 1.00

01:10:52.000 I mean, are we really living in that fucking retarded a world where that's such a huge issue? 1.00

01:10:57.000 It just seems... 1.00

01:10:58.000 Racism is disgusting. 0.99

01:11:00.000 Racism is evil. 0.86

01:11:01.000 But someone playing another race by putting makeup on their skin, the only way that would be negative at all, the only way, is if there was something wrong with being that race.

01:11:12.000 There's clearly nothing wrong with being a black person.

01:11:14.000 So someone who's white, putting black makeup on, it's not like they're... 0.80

01:11:17.000 It's not like they're doing Al Jolson, and they're putting white around their lips, and black, and they're... 0.99

01:11:23.000 They're doing some sort of a fucking... 1.00

01:11:28.000 Horrible, racist performance. 1.00

01:11:30.000 Running around saying massa. 0.93

01:11:32.000 Yeah, exactly.

01:11:33.000 Obviously, yeah.

01:11:33.000 Exactly.

01:11:34.000 This person who got fired, he was playing a famous black person.

01:11:40.000 But it's out of bounds.

01:11:42.000 Like, you cannot do it.

01:11:43.000 You can't do it.

01:11:43.000 There's a witch hunt going on in this country.

01:11:46.000 You know, just like the moment someone mentions any sort of race. 0.99

01:11:50.000 Nah, you're a racist! 0.74

01:11:51.000 Well, it's such a great way to defuse someone and take all the onus off them. 0.97

01:11:56.000 Take all of the possible scrutiny or criticism that might come their way and point it all at you.

01:12:03.000 It's also a great way to defuse your argument.

01:12:05.000 Just call you a racist.

01:12:06.000 You know, like if you have a different opinion about Ferguson or about, you know, Economics or Al Sharpton or anything that involves a black person, instantaneously your argument's diffused if they call you racist. 0.99

01:12:22.000 Well, Josh McDermott, you're a racist. 0.95

01:12:24.000 Well, you're from Phoenix, Arizona, one of the most racist states. 0.99

01:12:28.000 Come on, man. 1.00

01:12:29.000 You're a racist. 1.00

01:12:31.000 Why don't you just own up to your racism, man? 1.00

01:12:34.000 Yeah, there's no way around that. 1.00

01:12:36.000 You can sit there and argue it and then just keep throwing that back at you and you're screwed. 0.99

01:12:39.000 You could get hashtag Black Lives Matter tattooed on your forearm. 0.99

01:12:46.000 People would still go after you.

01:12:51.000 It's a way that people, instead of it being a rational thing, who is that?

01:12:56.000 Ted Danson.

01:12:57.000 Ted Danson did blackface when he was dating Whoopi Goldberg.

01:12:57.000 Oh, that's right.

01:13:00.000 He did it on TV, too, didn't he?

01:13:02.000 Well, he had a pass, he thought, because he was dating Whoopi.

01:13:05.000 He's like, look at her.

01:13:06.000 I should be able to do something about this. 1.00

01:13:06.000 I'm fucking her. 1.00

01:13:08.000 Oh, I forgot about that. 1.00

01:13:10.000 That kind of started it all, I feel like.

01:13:12.000 That started it all.

01:13:13.000 Ted Danson's fault.

01:13:15.000 Oh! 0.60

01:13:15.000 Well, I mean, it was offensive at one point in time, especially because at one point in time, that was the only way you saw black people represented on TV. It was a white person playing a black person, or in movies. 0.60

01:13:27.000 Or they were slaves, you know?

01:13:29.000 I mean, you had, like, go back, like, other races, like, go back and watch John Wayne play Genghis Khan. 0.98

01:13:35.000 You tell me that's not fucking offensive? 0.99

01:13:37.000 He's playing a Mongol, and he's clearly this fucking corn-fed white guy from America. 1.00

01:13:37.000 Right. 1.00

01:13:43.000 And he's playing like one of the most important historical conquerors ever.

01:13:49.000 Right.

01:13:50.000 And he's playing him out of the race.

01:13:52.000 He doesn't even have makeup on. 0.99

01:13:53.000 He's not even fucking pretending. 0.98

01:13:55.000 At least the guy who played Jackie or Charlie Chan, like they did something to him to make him look more Chinese. 0.98

01:14:02.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:14:02.000 You know, but John Wayne, they just said, fuck it. 1.00

01:14:05.000 It's John Wayne. 1.00

01:14:06.000 He's Genghis Khan. 0.79

01:14:08.000 That's who I am.

01:14:09.000 I'm a conqueror.

01:14:10.000 See?

01:14:11.000 I mean, have you ever watched it?

01:14:13.000 No, I haven't.

01:14:14.000 Oh, it's glorious.

01:14:14.000 I think I've seen pictures, but yeah, I haven't seen it.

01:14:17.000 It's glorious in its stupidity. 1.00

01:14:19.000 It's so fucking bad. 1.00

01:14:21.000 It's so bad. 0.99

01:14:22.000 And you realize, like, it was like one of those Elvis movies where they would just fucking slap together. 0.88

01:14:26.000 There was a point in time where they would slap together a movie, have Elvis in it, and just, you know, Elvis is a football star. 0.94

01:14:33.000 We gotta win this game.

01:14:34.000 We gotta win this game.

01:14:36.000 And Elvis would start dancing.

01:14:37.000 They would do that with John Wayne. 0.99

01:14:38.000 They would let John Wayne play Genghis Khan in one of the shittiest fucking movies of all time. 0.99

01:14:43.000 They didn't do any makeup. 0.99

01:14:46.000 They didn't darken his skin at all.

01:14:47.000 Want to see it?

01:14:48.000 Jamie, pull it up and put it on this screen so only we see it, so we don't get pulled from YouTube.

01:14:54.000 If you have videos that people have copyright on them and you play them and then you upload it, even from a podcast where you're talking about it, you play it on YouTube, they pull it.

01:15:05.000 That sucks. 0.96

01:15:06.000 Yeah, but we'll put it up on here just for the he-he's and the ha-ha's because you've got to see how fucking bad it is. 0.99

01:15:14.000 The old USA logo, that's crazy. 0.86

01:15:17.000 That takes me back.

01:15:20.000 That's the USA logo?

01:15:22.000 Remember that.

01:15:23.000 USA movie.

01:15:25.000 Oh! 0.60

01:15:26.000 Wow, look at those graphics.

01:15:34.000 Yeah, he just had the Chu Man Fu mustache.

01:15:40.000 It's the only...

01:15:40.000 Fu Man Chu.

01:15:41.000 Fu Man Chu.

01:15:45.000 Look how bad this is. 1.00

01:15:46.000 This is so stupid. 1.00

01:15:50.000 And he's banging white chicks. 1.00

01:15:52.000 Super white. 0.88

01:15:53.000 Look how hot she was. 1.00

01:15:54.000 God damn. 0.99

01:15:55.000 Women that were hot back then too, they were hot in a different way, man. 1.00

01:15:58.000 Yeah, they were.

01:15:59.000 They were hot in this supernatural...

01:16:01.000 When you say hourglass, it really was like an hourglass because they had about an hour until they turned into old ladies. 1.00

01:16:10.000 They didn't last. 0.99

01:16:11.000 I was at a fucking restaurant the other day, and I saw Cindy Crawford. 0.99

01:16:17.000 And I don't know how old Cindy Crawford is. 1.00

01:16:19.000 I'm going to Google right now.

01:16:21.000 I'm going to guess 50. I'm going to guess 40. No, she's at least 50. She is hot as fuck. 1.00

01:16:29.000 She's 48. Dude, she's hot as fuck. 1.00

01:16:32.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:16:33.000 Like, she's hot like 25-year-old hot. 1.00

01:16:35.000 Right. 1.00

01:16:35.000 Because that bitch is probably running stairs every day, doing yoga, getting her face sandblasted, you know, getting stem cells from aborted fetuses sprayed all over her, cheekbones. 1.00

01:16:47.000 I mean, I don't know what she's doing, but whatever she's doing, she needs to write a book. 1.00

01:16:50.000 Because at 48, she's fucking stunning. 0.99

01:16:53.000 She's stunning. 1.00

01:16:54.000 She's a year older than me and I look like shit. 1.00

01:16:57.000 She looks fucking amazing. 1.00

01:16:58.000 Oh no, Joe, come on. 0.99

01:16:59.000 You look good.

01:17:00.000 Oh, stop it. 0.79

01:17:01.000 I mean, I don't look totally shitty. 0.89

01:17:01.000 Stop it. 0.89

01:17:03.000 Oh, you look good, Joe.

01:17:05.000 I just don't look as good as I looked last year.

01:17:06.000 That's all I'm saying.

01:17:07.000 I was fishing for compliments.

01:17:08.000 That was the whole point.

01:17:10.000 I'm gonna make up a story about seeing her at the restaurant so they tell me I look good.

01:17:13.000 Her body's in check, her face is in check.

01:17:17.000 There's nothing sadder than you run into.

01:17:20.000 I won't say the name, but I ran into this woman who was a major movie star in the 90s, and now she's enormous. 0.96

01:17:27.000 I mean, she's probably 50, 60 pounds overweight, her face looked all fucked up, and she looked like she smoked cigarettes. 1.00

01:17:34.000 And I was like, no, that's not... 0.99

01:17:36.000 No!

01:17:37.000 Because before she was just stunning.

01:17:39.000 You would see her and just go, good lord.

01:17:41.000 And now it's just...

01:17:43.000 Yeah, same thing just happened to me with the girl from Wayne's World.

01:17:47.000 Yeah.

01:17:47.000 Oh, really?

01:17:48.000 You see them, they're all like...

01:17:49.000 I want to know who it is that you're talking about. 1.00

01:17:52.000 Big, wide-waisted, lazy, fucking shoveling shitty food down her mouth. 1.00

01:17:58.000 Say who it is! 1.00

01:17:59.000 I can't.

01:18:00.000 I think she lives in my neighborhood.

01:18:01.000 Do you still talk to Betty White?

01:18:03.000 Betty White? 0.64

01:18:04.000 You know Betty White?

01:18:05.000 I used to be on a show with her.

01:18:06.000 No, I wasn't.

01:18:07.000 I was on the same network.

01:18:08.000 But we would do parties.

01:18:10.000 What's the show that you used to do?

01:18:11.000 The Retired at 35. I thought she was on that show. 0.95

01:18:15.000 What is Retired at 35?

01:18:16.000 It was a sitcom I was on.

01:18:18.000 We had two seasons with George Segal, who was on that show, Just Shoot Me, and then I can't think of the woman's name, Jessica Walter, who was from Archer and Arrested Development.

01:18:30.000 She plays the mom and all that.

01:18:31.000 She was rad.

01:18:32.000 But Betty, I don't know Betty.

01:18:34.000 I just saw the Betty White nudes somebody sent me the other day of her naked when she was younger.

01:18:39.000 Beautiful.

01:18:40.000 She's beautiful, man.

01:18:41.000 Betty White had nudes? 1.00

01:18:43.000 Dude, she has a lot of them, and it's like really...

01:18:46.000 Those are real.

01:18:46.000 Whoa.

01:18:47.000 Yeah.

01:18:48.000 She's just a beautiful person.

01:18:50.000 The casting couch was a real thing back then.

01:18:52.000 It really was.

01:18:53.000 It's still real, right?

01:18:55.000 Yeah, it still is.

01:18:56.000 Totally.

01:18:56.000 It must be.

01:18:57.000 I mean, probably not for big-budget movies.

01:19:00.000 Probably so.

01:19:01.000 Probably for everything, man.

01:19:03.000 Stuff like The Conqueror.

01:19:04.000 It's kind of implied, though, right?

01:19:06.000 Isn't that the thing about the casting couch? 0.99

01:19:08.000 It's just not as simple as like, hey, look out on that couch and suck Mr. Brian Sanger's penis and put you in X-Men 5. No, it doesn't, you know. 0.99

01:19:18.000 Is he gay?

01:19:19.000 I don't know. 0.99

01:19:21.000 I mean, I think he just likes parties with naked boys.

01:19:23.000 Young boys. 0.97

01:19:24.000 In a tub filled with blood.

01:19:25.000 Did you see the pool?

01:19:27.000 There's like red lights in the pool and there's like a hundred twinks running around banging each other.

01:19:33.000 Oh my god.

01:19:35.000 Why not?

01:19:36.000 I say why not?

01:19:38.000 And we're still asking if he's gay. 0.57

01:19:40.000 Oh, he's gay? 1.00

01:19:41.000 He's gay as fuck. 1.00

01:19:42.000 He's gay as fuck. 1.00

01:19:43.000 Because I thought there was... 1.00

01:19:44.000 I don't know. 1.00

01:19:45.000 This is how stupid and out of the loop I am. 0.99

01:19:47.000 But I thought there was something that I just assumed he was based on these allegations and all the things he went through. 0.99

01:19:53.000 And then there was something where I was like...

01:19:54.000 Look at this picture.

01:19:55.000 Oh, my God.

01:19:57.000 Why not?

01:19:58.000 Is that all butthole blood?

01:20:00.000 That's what I'm saying.

01:20:01.000 That's crazy.

01:20:02.000 It's just red lights.

01:20:03.000 It's just red lights. 0.99

01:20:04.000 Well, they probably put fucking dye in there, too. 0.99

01:20:07.000 They probably put dye in the pool. 1.00

01:20:09.000 Looks like a fun time. 1.00

01:20:10.000 The guy's having a good fucking time, man. 0.99

01:20:12.000 I see a couple of gals there, too. 1.00

01:20:15.000 Not enough. 0.99

01:20:17.000 Well, a couple of gals who want to be able to have fun and not have people try to fuck. 1.00

01:20:20.000 Look at this guy in the foreground with his hair. 0.99

01:20:22.000 That's a bad haircut.

01:20:24.000 Shave your head, homie. 1.00

01:20:24.000 Yeah, what is that? 1.00

01:20:26.000 Just let it go.

01:20:27.000 It's over.

01:20:27.000 Trust me.

01:20:28.000 When it's over, it's over.

01:20:30.000 Oh, my God.

01:20:31.000 But you know, like, these guys that he, you know, he banged, that he brought to these parties, they would get upset.

01:20:37.000 But I think the thing was that they were underage.

01:20:39.000 They were, like, younger than 18. That was, like, the real issue.

01:20:43.000 But, you know, that's one thing about underage sex. 1.00

01:20:46.000 People give zero fucks if you're an underage gay boy. 1.00

01:20:52.000 If you're like a 17-year-old gay guy who likes to blow Hollywood dudes. 1.00

01:20:56.000 Right. 0.90

01:20:56.000 But if you were like a girl, and like some Mel Gibson type guy, some big Hollywood celebrity guy had parties and had a pool filled with 16-year-old girls and he was banging... 0.90

01:21:08.000 I mean, that would be the end.

01:21:09.000 That would be the end.

01:21:11.000 But if it's boys, they're like, eh, they wanted it.

01:21:11.000 Absolutely.

01:21:14.000 They have boners. 0.95

01:21:15.000 They have boners at 17. Are they all gay? 1.00

01:21:17.000 They're all gay, right? 1.00

01:21:18.000 No one got roofied? 0.99

01:21:19.000 Okay, yeah.

01:21:20.000 We're done here.

01:21:21.000 Get out of here.

01:21:22.000 Get out of here. 1.00

01:21:23.000 He had sex with me when I was 18. Did he have sex with you when you were 19 and then 20 and 21? 0.98

01:21:27.000 Yeah, okay, we're good. 0.57

01:21:28.000 It's the same thing.

01:21:29.000 Same thing happened.

01:21:30.000 You didn't know what was going on?

01:21:31.000 Was it the first time you'd ever had sex?

01:21:33.000 No.

01:21:34.000 Did he give you some drugs?

01:21:36.000 Did he roofie you?

01:21:37.000 Did he do something to you? 1.00

01:21:39.000 Did you want to have sex with Mr. Singer? 0.99

01:21:41.000 It's so obvious when someone's trying to get a payday, you know? 0.90

01:21:44.000 I mean, I don't know the details of this case, but it's like this guy sat on this for like 15 years or something like that, didn't he?

01:21:52.000 It's just like, come on.

01:21:52.000 Yeah.

01:21:53.000 Yeah, well, they definitely, I mean, they feel like they're entitled.

01:21:56.000 You know, it's like they could sue.

01:21:58.000 They might be able to get money, so go for it.

01:22:01.000 I don't have any money.

01:22:02.000 I'm broke. 0.99

01:22:03.000 Hey, I fucked Bryan Singer and all of his friends in a pool six years ago when I was only 17. Yeah. 0.99

01:22:09.000 And you go to a lawyer, and he's like, do you have any photographs of Mr. Singer and you in this pool?

01:22:14.000 In said pool with no clothes on?

01:22:15.000 As a matter of fact, I do.

01:22:17.000 And you pull those photos out, and they say, listen, let's go to this guy, and it's essentially, it's a money grab.

01:22:23.000 You're trying to get money.

01:22:24.000 And, like, you say, listen, Mr. Singer, it's going to cost you about $5 million to fight off this lawsuit.

01:22:29.000 You know, we are bringing in the big guns here at Sherman and Lefowitz and Associates.

01:22:35.000 You know, we have a long history of extorting money from large, rich celebrities like yourself. 0.99

01:22:41.000 So, let's just, let's call it $3 million, and let's wrap this bitch up tight right now. 1.00

01:22:47.000 And they make these negotiations and they fucking give them some money. 0.99

01:22:50.000 Settle it out and there you go. 0.99

01:22:51.000 They sign some sort of a disclosure.

01:22:53.000 And it encourages people to continue to do that.

01:22:56.000 Well, the UFC is in the middle of, I think, three or four class action lawsuits now.

01:23:03.000 Some of them which...

01:23:04.000 I just don't understand what they're doing.

01:23:07.000 Guys that had no chance of ever winning a belt, ever.

01:23:10.000 They were not that good.

01:23:13.000 They were marginal fighters at best.

01:23:16.000 And I don't know what they're suing over.

01:23:18.000 I don't understand it.

01:23:19.000 I think the idea is that somehow or another the UFC stifled competition, but...

01:23:19.000 They're suing over...

01:23:24.000 According to the people, and obviously I'm only hearing one side of it, but it's going to cost them $25 million to fight it, and they get approached by these lawyers, and while they're going through the whole legal issue of what could be considered...

01:23:45.000 Anti-competition, what couldn't be.

01:23:47.000 They start accumulating legal bills, and then once the bills start getting high, then they pull them together, they have a meeting, and they say, look, here's the deal.

01:23:55.000 We'll settle for 10 million.

01:23:57.000 We'll settle for 9 million.

01:23:59.000 What do you want to do?

01:23:59.000 Whatever.

01:24:00.000 What do you want to do? 0.98

01:24:01.000 And then they make a few million, and then they fucking high-five each other. 0.99

01:24:04.000 They go get some hookers, they drink some wine, and they go, we got another one. 1.00

01:24:08.000 I mean, there's some legit class-action lawsuits.

01:24:10.000 Most certainly when products fail and people die.

01:24:14.000 There was one recently with Chevrolet where it turned out that they hid the fact that their ignition switches were fucking up, and a bunch of people had died because of this.

01:24:25.000 And so there's some legit class-action lawsuits when it comes to certain companies. 0.98

01:24:30.000 When you see like a Bryan Singer type thing, and like, okay, wait a minute, you're gay, right? 0.99

01:24:35.000 You're gay, he's gay. 1.00

01:24:36.000 Okay, you showed up at his house, and there was a bunch of gay dudes, and you're all doing gay stuff? 0.99

01:24:41.000 And you want some money? 0.55

01:24:41.000 Okay. 0.55

01:24:43.000 Like, look, you get dick, that's what you get. 1.00

01:24:45.000 You went to the party, you wanted to get some dick, you got some dick, you probably got some ecstasy too. 1.00

01:24:50.000 Bonus! 1.00

01:24:51.000 Okay, he probably gave you some food, you probably had some snacks.

01:24:53.000 Yeah, yeah, like a sandwich.

01:24:55.000 This burger from this donut shop in Encino?

01:24:59.000 It's phenomenal. 1.00

01:25:00.000 Shut your mouth. 0.99

01:25:01.000 You got to party in the red pool? 1.00

01:25:05.000 You didn't have to clean up after?

01:25:07.000 Everybody's fine, man. 0.99

01:25:08.000 You weren't the guy that scrubbed the fucking red stain off the side of the pool. 0.99

01:25:13.000 Oh my god. 1.00

01:25:15.000 It's probably that Easter egg shit. 1.00

01:25:16.000 You know what you do with kids? 1.00

01:25:19.000 Dunk eggs.

01:25:20.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:25:21.000 Drop those little pellets into the water. 0.99

01:25:23.000 It turns red.

01:25:24.000 Food die.

01:25:25.000 They get out of the pool and they're just all red. 1.00

01:25:28.000 You can't get away with that kind of shit anymore. 0.99

01:25:30.000 But back in the day, could you imagine if you could go back to the 1950s, the Humphrey Bogart days, what kind of fucking chaos those parties must have been like? 1.00

01:25:44.000 There was no accountability. 0.93

01:25:46.000 The studios totally protected people. 1.00

01:25:48.000 You'd have to have a dead body before shit got weird. 0.99

01:25:52.000 Someone would have to be dead. 1.00

01:25:55.000 And even then. 0.53

01:25:56.000 And even then.

01:25:56.000 Probably you wouldn't know about it.

01:25:58.000 So, I mean, for sure, there must have been some stars that had to call, like, what is that show that's on Showtime?

01:26:07.000 Ray Donovan.

01:26:08.000 Yeah.

01:26:08.000 Ray Donovan.

01:26:08.000 Where you call the Ray Donovan guy, and Ray Donovan comes over.

01:26:12.000 And he fucking wraps the kid up in some sort of a carpet. 0.97

01:26:12.000 He fixes it. 0.97

01:26:19.000 Cleaner. 0.99

01:26:20.000 Yeah, they take it downstairs, and they fucking throw it in the furnace, and that's it. 0.99

01:26:25.000 That's such a good show. 0.98

01:26:26.000 Is it a good show?

01:26:27.000 It's a great show.

01:26:28.000 I only watched a couple episodes.

01:26:30.000 You see what you saw the first episode?

01:26:31.000 Yeah.

01:26:32.000 Where he goes to the girl stalker and he's sitting there, you want what's in the bag or the bat?

01:26:37.000 And the guy goes, I'll take the bag.

01:26:39.000 And then he makes him get in the bath full of green dye or whatever.

01:26:42.000 And then the guy's just like, his skin is green.

01:26:45.000 It's not going to wash out for a while.

01:26:47.000 He's just humiliated and everything.

01:26:49.000 That's probably what happened at the Bryan Singer's party.

01:26:52.000 To be a girl celebrity, I think, would be really scary. 1.00

01:26:55.000 Because there are dudes that fixate on female celebrities in a really fucking creepy way. 0.97

01:27:01.000 And today, they can find where they live. 0.99

01:27:03.000 Oh, yeah.

01:27:04.000 It's very easy.

01:27:05.000 I was drugged the other day, Joe, I told you about. 0.80

01:27:07.000 And that scared the fuck out of me. 0.58

01:27:08.000 Because that was the first time where I actually felt like something's not right with me.

01:27:12.000 I don't know what's going on. 0.98

01:27:14.000 And then I wake up an hour later and I'm like, what the fuck happened? 0.94

01:27:17.000 Like, where am I? And it was so scary. 0.94

01:27:20.000 And I talked to girls about it.

01:27:22.000 I'm like, yeah, I've had that happen a couple times.

01:27:24.000 Girls who party. 0.96

01:27:25.000 They have that happen all the time.

01:27:26.000 They have this nail polish note I'm going to start wearing, though.

01:27:29.000 I could just dip my finger in it and it changes color if there's any roofie in there, though.

01:27:32.000 Well, I think it only works for some drugs, though.

01:27:34.000 Does it work for GHB? Like, if you dip your finger in it and it's Rufinol, maybe it'll work.

01:27:38.000 But will it do it for everything?

01:27:40.000 I think maybe each nail has a different...

01:27:43.000 Have a drink.

01:27:44.000 Hold on.

01:27:45.000 That was just my roofie nail.

01:27:47.000 Let me check my GHB nail.

01:27:49.000 My alpha nails now have the roofie for guys. 0.99

01:27:54.000 They turn hearts.

01:27:56.000 A pink heart shows up on your nail if it's negative.

01:28:00.000 Yeah, but what's weird is, I told you this already, but I got roofied at a bar, and everything just went spinny.

01:28:08.000 What bar were you at?

01:28:09.000 I was at Jumbo's Clown Room.

01:28:11.000 Well, that's a roofie hotspot.

01:28:12.000 Yeah, I mean, it's a nice little place.

01:28:14.000 People roofie themselves at Jumbo's just because, what am I doing with my life?

01:28:19.000 That's how most people end up there.

01:28:20.000 They've been roofied.

01:28:21.000 They do shots of roofies.

01:28:22.000 Yeah.

01:28:25.000 Let's hope for something different when we wake up.

01:28:27.000 Woo! 0.99

01:28:28.000 What do you got on the top shelf there?

01:28:30.000 Top shelf roofies! 1.00

01:28:32.000 Yeah, they do actually take...

01:28:33.000 People take roofies on purpose.

01:28:35.000 But this was completely different.

01:28:37.000 Whoa, whoa, whoa. 0.99

01:28:37.000 Who the fuck takes roofies on purpose? 0.99

01:28:40.000 Seriously, kids do it as a drug. 1.00

01:28:42.000 What?

01:28:43.000 They take those little five-hour energy drinks, whatever they're called, five-hour energy drinks. 1.00

01:28:47.000 They fill that thing up with roofie shit. 1.00

01:28:50.000 And then they take, they're called caps, and they take a little cap, and they put it in, and it makes you feel really like, ugh, like body buzzy. 0.99

01:28:56.000 Oh, you mean GHB? GHB, yeah, which is one of the date rape drugs. 0.92

01:29:00.000 There's a few of them.

01:29:02.000 Yeah, right, not roofie, like roof and all.

01:29:04.000 That's a bad one.

01:29:05.000 Yeah, I don't know which one mine was.

01:29:07.000 Mine's symptoms was I was on my second, or I just had my second drink, and I ordered a new drink, Took, like, one sip of my third drink, and then everything started getting spinning.

01:29:17.000 Like, my vision was almost, like, trippy.

01:29:19.000 Like, I couldn't, like, I was like, why is the room spinning right now?

01:29:22.000 What were you drinking?

01:29:22.000 What was your drink?

01:29:23.000 Just a little Jack and Cokes.

01:29:26.000 You were saying that someone, they take, like, Visine bottles and squirt it?

01:29:32.000 A bouncer told me what they do is they take a Visine bottle, they fill it with whatever the crap they're using, and they'll just like literally keep it in their hand, walk through, and just drop, like while they walk by somebody's drink, just drop it in there.

01:29:42.000 And he said that roofing guys, roofing guys is actually, he's seen it before, where like there's a guy talking to a girl they want to talk to, so they'll roofie the guy to get him out of the way.

01:29:53.000 Like he'll start getting sick or whatever and go to the bathroom and pass out.

01:29:57.000 Yeah, I never take drinks from people I don't know.

01:29:59.000 No.

01:29:59.000 Unless I see it come from the bar, you know, into their hand, into my hand.

01:30:04.000 There's just too many weirdos.

01:30:06.000 If you don't know them, you never know.

01:30:08.000 Some people are like aggressive about it. 0.96

01:30:09.000 Hey man, come on, do this shot! 0.73

01:30:10.000 Yes.

01:30:11.000 Like, uh, no, where'd that shot come from?

01:30:13.000 That shot could have come from Mars.

01:30:15.000 I see it in your hand.

01:30:16.000 I have no idea where it was before it was in your hand.

01:30:18.000 And it's not just being roofied.

01:30:21.000 You could grab a guy's drink and maybe he was...

01:30:24.000 The other night I saw a guy and he recognized me and as a joke I grabbed his drink and started drinking it.

01:30:31.000 And I got mad.

01:30:32.000 I'm like, he could be having the flu right now and he's still out.

01:30:36.000 You know, it's good to just do your own drinks.

01:30:40.000 It was really weird though because I luckily got to my car and I passed out because I couldn't see.

01:30:46.000 My vision was gone.

01:30:47.000 I didn't feel drunk.

01:30:48.000 I didn't feel sick.

01:30:49.000 My eyes weren't working.

01:30:49.000 I just couldn't see.

01:30:51.000 So I closed my eyes and the next thing I know I woke up an hour later.

01:30:53.000 In your car?

01:30:54.000 In my car and I felt muscle relax.

01:30:57.000 Well, you've got to be really careful about that because if a cop knocked on your window, you're going to jail.

01:31:01.000 I said in my backseat.

01:31:02.000 Yeah, I know that.

01:31:02.000 Even if you're in your backseat.

01:31:04.000 If you're in your car.

01:31:05.000 I think if you keep your keys and put it on the front seat.

01:31:07.000 You have to put your keys on the roof or something like that. 0.66

01:31:09.000 Something completely ridiculous.

01:31:11.000 But, look, it's essentially... 0.85

01:31:13.000 They have the opportunity to arrest you.

01:31:16.000 It's a technicality.

01:31:17.000 You can tell them, look, I'm not driving.

01:31:19.000 I sat here because I knew I can't drive.

01:31:22.000 They're arresting you.

01:31:22.000 They're like, get out of the car.

01:31:23.000 Which is fucking really gross because you're doing the right thing. 0.97

01:31:27.000 You realize you can't drive. 0.99

01:31:28.000 You're just locking your door and letting yourself sober up. 1.00

01:31:31.000 But there's certain cunty fuckhead cops that will drag you into jail for that. 1.00

01:31:36.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:31:37.000 It's ridiculous. 0.94

01:31:38.000 Yeah. 0.72

01:31:38.000 And the next day, the whole day I just felt like I was on muscle relaxers. 0.72

01:31:42.000 It was fucked up. 0.98

01:31:43.000 That's probably GHP. Yeah, somebody probably whacked you out. 1.00

01:31:47.000 Because I have friends who have done GHP before, and they've done too much.

01:31:51.000 And then they just go limp.

01:31:53.000 Like, they'll be at a bar, and then, like, Eddie.

01:31:55.000 Eddie did it once, and he did too much.

01:31:58.000 Wow.

01:31:58.000 And he just, like, couldn't walk.

01:32:01.000 Like, his body just stopped working.

01:32:02.000 His body just went limp.

01:32:04.000 Yeah, like, my mind was normal, but my body was drunk, and my eyes were drunk.

01:32:08.000 That's so weird, man.

01:32:10.000 Do you have any idea who might have done it?

01:32:12.000 No, I mean, there was a lot of crazy...

01:32:14.000 I mean, David Arquette was there, so I said hi to David, but there was also some people that I knew there, and I talked to them for a bit, but then I've been replaying it over my head over and over again, and I can't think of...

01:32:26.000 I can almost think that maybe, what if I just grabbed the wrong drink?

01:32:31.000 Like, I grabbed a stripper's drink by mistake or something, or...

01:32:35.000 And someone was trying to roofie them.

01:32:35.000 Wow.

01:32:36.000 Yeah.

01:32:37.000 I mean, you might have been annoying.

01:32:37.000 Yeah, who knows?

01:32:41.000 I was only there for an hour, though.

01:32:43.000 Like, I literally had a spot, and I was driving home, and I was driving by it.

01:32:46.000 I'm like, oh, you know, I haven't been there in a while.

01:32:47.000 I'll just go in there and have a drink or two.

01:32:49.000 Stop in by yourself?

01:32:49.000 Yeah.

01:32:50.000 That's a real alcohol.

01:32:51.000 Three drinks in an hour?

01:32:51.000 Well, no, no.

01:32:52.000 My friend's a dancer there.

01:32:54.000 Oh, okay.

01:32:55.000 I was going to say, that's a real alcoholic move.

01:32:58.000 Yeah.

01:32:59.000 Pull into Jumbo's clown room for a couple of hours and just... 0.55

01:33:02.000 Right out the storm.

01:33:03.000 Three drinks in an hour, that could be it, too.

01:33:05.000 No.

01:33:06.000 He does that every day.

01:33:06.000 No, no, no.

01:33:08.000 And these are like the small little rock glass drinks, you know?

01:33:10.000 I mean, I drink seven or eight of those a day.

01:33:13.000 You don't know who you're dealing with here, dude.

01:33:15.000 I really don't.

01:33:15.000 I don't.

01:33:16.000 You never drank with Brian?

01:33:17.000 Are you a big drinker?

01:33:17.000 No.

01:33:19.000 You want a little drink right now?

01:33:19.000 Yeah.

01:33:21.000 We'll drink your poo? 0.98

01:33:21.000 No. 0.98

01:33:22.000 No.

01:33:22.000 Scared?

01:33:23.000 What's the matter?

01:33:23.000 Yeah.

01:33:24.000 I'm sitting next to Brian.

01:33:26.000 You're amongst friends.

01:33:27.000 No, I saw what you had in there.

01:33:28.000 I saw what you had.

01:33:31.000 I saw what you had in there.

01:33:33.000 It didn't entice me.

01:33:34.000 Makers? 0.84

01:33:34.000 Nothing? 0.84

01:33:35.000 We've got some...

01:33:36.000 Oh, when we talked about it on the podcast, somebody contacted me about giving us a wine cooler for wine.

01:33:43.000 Not like a wine cooler.

01:33:44.000 I wouldn't drink that because I'm a man.

01:33:46.000 I don't drink wine coolers.

01:33:48.000 What?

01:33:48.000 They're great!

01:33:49.000 What are you talking about?

01:33:51.000 I drink Zima.

01:33:52.000 They don't even have Zima anymore, do they?

01:33:54.000 They have versions of it.

01:33:56.000 It's called something else, but it's the exact same thing.

01:33:59.000 People were giving me a hard time back in the day for drinking Zima.

01:34:02.000 Zima was great.

01:34:03.000 It tastes good.

01:34:04.000 It gets you drunk and it tastes nice.

01:34:06.000 Did you remember Tequiza?

01:34:07.000 Yes.

01:34:08.000 What is that?

01:34:09.000 What was it?

01:34:09.000 It was like a tequila beer or something.

01:34:12.000 Wasn't it?

01:34:13.000 Wasn't it like Bud Light made it also?

01:34:16.000 What?

01:34:16.000 Yeah.

01:34:17.000 It was a beer, but it had like lime flavoring in it.

01:34:21.000 That's what it was.

01:34:23.000 It was kind of like a hint of a tequila.

01:34:23.000 I don't know.

01:34:25.000 I don't know if they were actually mixing the two, but some of the worst hangovers I ever had came off Tequiza.

01:34:32.000 Tequiza?

01:34:33.000 Yeah.

01:34:33.000 That's so weird.

01:34:35.000 Tequiza.

01:34:35.000 There it is!

01:34:36.000 What is this?

01:34:37.000 It's beer with agave nectar and a natural flavor of imported...

01:34:42.000 Tequila and lime.

01:34:43.000 So no actual tequila, but the flavors.

01:34:47.000 Well, agave nectar is just sweet.

01:34:49.000 Agave is actually not good for you.

01:34:52.000 When people don't use honey, like when I mock vegans, one of the things that I mock, my old special was about how true vegans don't use honey because they don't think it's cool to make those bees work for people.

01:35:05.000 Agave's not good for you?

01:35:06.000 Nope.

01:35:07.000 It's sugar.

01:35:08.000 Basically just sugar.

01:35:09.000 But it's better than Splenda or something, would you say?

01:35:12.000 Nope.

01:35:13.000 Nope.

01:35:13.000 I'm throwing it away.

01:35:14.000 Splenda is probably better for you because Splenda doesn't give you the reaction that you're going to get, like the glucose reaction.

01:35:24.000 Stevia is the best sweetener as far as health benefits.

01:35:28.000 It's just a plant extract.

01:35:29.000 Stevia tastes sweet, but it doesn't have any sugar in it at all.

01:35:33.000 It doesn't taste that sweet.

01:35:34.000 It really doesn't taste as good.

01:35:36.000 The reality of stevia is it's like a B sweet.

01:35:41.000 It's not A sweet.

01:35:43.000 I heard that there was even new reports that there's bad things about stevia now.

01:35:51.000 Really?

01:35:51.000 Recent reports.

01:35:52.000 And research was probably done by the other companies that are getting their asses kicked. 0.99

01:35:57.000 Yeah, come on, man. 0.99

01:35:58.000 Stevia is bad for you?

01:35:59.000 Hold on.

01:35:59.000 Every other week, something else that was good for you is now bad for you.

01:36:03.000 That is a real problem with these fucking people that create these tests. 1.00

01:36:08.000 Hold on a second. 0.99

01:36:10.000 We find out that the results were skewed just because someone funded them from some company that has a vested interest.

01:36:18.000 Why I quit Stevia?

01:36:20.000 Hmm.

01:36:21.000 Okay, let's see.

01:36:22.000 Is it like four reasons and number four will blow your mind?

01:36:28.000 Stevia taxes the adrenals.

01:36:30.000 Our bodies are not designed or evolved to handle calorie-free sweeteners, be it natural or artificial.

01:36:37.000 Experience a sweet taste from food that is not going to provide glucose confounds.

01:36:42.000 Our body's sugar handling process.

01:36:45.000 I think it's like your brain pretty much goes, hey, you know, this is sugar.

01:36:49.000 We need to work off this sugar. 0.96

01:36:51.000 But then when you go there, it's not sugar, so it fucks up.

01:36:55.000 Yeah, that's what they're saying.

01:36:56.000 I read it wrong.

01:36:57.000 It's sweet taste that comes from a food that's not going to provide glucose, confounds our body's sugar handling process. 1.00

01:37:05.000 Whatever, pussy. 1.00

01:37:06.000 I just switched back to normal raw sugar. 1.00

01:37:09.000 Stevia often contains other ingredients.

01:37:12.000 Oh, there's an issue of purity.

01:37:15.000 Hmm.

01:37:16.000 We use processed stevia, not pure stevia leaves.

01:37:19.000 Obviously, if you have a pot of stevia leaves growing in your garden, you can ignore this point. 0.99

01:37:23.000 But there's a bunch of other shit. 0.99

01:37:25.000 Xylitol. 1.00

01:37:26.000 That's another one, right?

01:37:27.000 Yeah.

01:37:28.000 Popular sweetener made with stevia and xylitol.

01:37:31.000 Although proponents bestow the title natural to this sweetener, I've never eaten trivia because I'm not a fan of this uber-processed ingredient.

01:37:41.000 Oh, trivia.

01:37:42.000 Truvia is xylitol and stevia.

01:37:42.000 Truvia.

01:37:46.000 Stevia has an aftertaste.

01:37:48.000 Eh.

01:37:49.000 Pfft.

01:37:50.000 Stevia diabetes.

01:37:51.000 Yeah.

01:37:52.000 Aspartame's not good for you, too.

01:37:54.000 But see, you know, when I think about all this stuff, including Diet Coke, it's all in moderation.

01:37:59.000 Like, you know, you can have a real Coke if you want to.

01:38:02.000 Just don't drink them all day every day.

01:38:04.000 You know, I'm a big fan of cheat days, man. 0.90

01:38:07.000 I'm a big fan of just eating really healthy and then one day going off the motherfucking rails, you know, and then bringing it all back. 0.92

01:38:15.000 Just give yourself a little day. 0.99

01:38:17.000 We don't give a fuck. 0.99

01:38:18.000 It's hard for me to do that, man. 0.99

01:38:20.000 I'll eat good for a week and then my cheat day turns into a cheat month.

01:38:23.000 Okay, let me ask you this, though.

01:38:24.000 I spiral.

01:38:25.000 You say that, but...

01:38:27.000 You're so happy right now, right?

01:38:29.000 You're so successful right now. 0.97

01:38:30.000 You got so much cool shit going on. 0.99

01:38:32.000 You're on your favorite show. 0.99

01:38:34.000 I mean, like, life couldn't be better. 0.98

01:38:35.000 If you knew that the only way to keep this running, the only way was if you ate healthy by some strange, you know, metaphysical miracle fucking magic thing. 0.96

01:38:47.000 Whereas, like, if you ate healthy food, your luck would continue to be fucking amazing. 0.88

01:38:52.000 But if you got lazy, it has nothing to do with your appearance or your talent. 0.90

01:38:56.000 Or your mind.

01:38:57.000 But if you got lazy and deviated from the path, your luck would change. 1.00

01:39:01.000 You would be eating fucking lettuce. 1.00

01:39:03.000 I'd be eating great. 1.00

01:39:03.000 Lettuce wraps and raw fruit. 1.00

01:39:05.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:39:06.000 You wouldn't fuck around at all. 0.99

01:39:07.000 Sure. 0.99

01:39:08.000 But I love Mexican food, man.

01:39:08.000 Right?

01:39:11.000 I love salsa.

01:39:11.000 Yeah.

01:39:12.000 You put down a basket of chips?

01:39:14.000 No, bring a second.

01:39:15.000 Like, that's what I want.

01:39:16.000 I've never been one into sweets.

01:39:18.000 It's always like the starchy carbohydrate stuff.

01:39:21.000 Do you ever have queso in Texas?

01:39:24.000 I've had it.

01:39:24.000 I'm not the biggest fan.

01:39:26.000 In Texas?

01:39:26.000 I think I just haven't had great.

01:39:28.000 Yeah.

01:39:29.000 Chips and queso in Texas is on a totally different level.

01:39:32.000 Before the Mexican food even comes, you're full.

01:39:35.000 You order chips and queso, you know, and they go, would you like some chips and queso?

01:39:39.000 I'm like, yes, ma'am. 0.99

01:39:40.000 They bring over some fucking queso. 0.99

01:39:42.000 Put some meat in it. 1.00

01:39:43.000 Some jalapenos. 0.52

01:39:45.000 Oh yeah, they have retarded queso that has like a cow in it. 1.00

01:39:49.000 Grind up a cow. 0.96

01:39:51.000 I got a moose roast cooking at home right now.

01:39:54.000 Very excited.

01:39:55.000 Really?

01:39:56.000 Where are you getting the moose? 0.99

01:39:57.000 Shot the shit out of that moose. 0.99

01:39:58.000 Oh, really? 1.00

01:39:59.000 This is him right here. 0.99

01:40:00.000 No shit. 0.99

01:40:01.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:40:02.000 That's it?

01:40:02.000 Yeah, that's it, man.

01:40:04.000 That's pretty rad.

01:40:05.000 But I'm cooking it today over 10 hours.

01:40:05.000 That's delicious.

01:40:08.000 This moose roast in one of those pressure cookers.

01:40:10.000 Oh, it's so delicious, man.

01:40:12.000 How many pounds of meat did you get out of that?

01:40:14.000 400. Shit. 1.00

01:40:15.000 Jesus Christ. 1.00

01:40:15.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:40:16.000 Yeah, it's crazy.

01:40:17.000 Did you have to buy a new freezer or did you have it?

01:40:19.000 No, I bought a separate freezer.

01:40:21.000 I had one commercial freezer, but after I shot the moose, I bought another one just to have the room for it.

01:40:27.000 You should experiment with making jerky.

01:40:29.000 Dude, I'm making all kinds of things.

01:40:30.000 Are you?

01:40:31.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:40:31.000 I've been doing roasts.

01:40:33.000 Roasts are the new thing.

01:40:35.000 I do it in the Green Mountain Grill.

01:40:36.000 I sear them on the outside.

01:40:39.000 On a cast iron frying pan.

01:40:41.000 And then I slowly cook it in the Green Mountain Grill for like 40-45 minutes.

01:40:46.000 Because, you know, it's not that big a roast.

01:40:48.000 It's only for like four people.

01:40:49.000 And then this one I'm doing in a pressure cooker.

01:40:52.000 But I'm also, I got a bunch of recipes from Steve Rinella.

01:40:55.000 So I'm going to do meatloaf.

01:40:57.000 I'm going to make ground meatloaf with spinach and cheese inside of it.

01:41:00.000 Wow.

01:41:01.000 I'm enjoying cooking, man.

01:41:02.000 Cooking is fun.

01:41:03.000 If you have the time and you're so inclined, it's a cool little art project.

01:41:08.000 I never think of cooking as art, but when it comes out, it's good.

01:41:13.000 You get this little arty satisfaction.

01:41:15.000 You get excited, yeah.

01:41:15.000 I made something.

01:41:16.000 I made this, and now we're going to eat it.

01:41:18.000 This is kind of cool.

01:41:19.000 There was this video I recently saw showing you how to cook the best steak.

01:41:23.000 You don't even need to use a grill.

01:41:24.000 What you do is you take this big piece of meat, you put it in the oven, and you slow cook it in the oven for like an hour or something.

01:41:31.000 And then you just put it on a really hot skillet for like two minutes just to sear the outside.

01:41:37.000 And it's like the perfect temperature.

01:41:38.000 It's like red throughout the whole thing, not like...

01:41:41.000 Because when you cook it on a grill, it's usually red in the middle, and then it slowly goes out where it's less red the closer it is.

01:41:50.000 This is right when you cut it in, it's all the exact color throughout the whole thing, the way you do it.

01:41:54.000 Who's got an hour, man?

01:41:55.000 See, I don't like it.

01:41:56.000 That way.

01:41:57.000 I've seen that way, too.

01:41:58.000 I've seen also there's a lot going around where they boil it in water with those plastic bags.

01:42:03.000 They boil it at like, not even boil it, it's like hot water, like 125 degree water, which is below boiling.

01:42:09.000 But they keep it in there for several hours, and then you take it out and sear it.

01:42:14.000 And a lot of times people, they cook the outside actually with a flame.

01:42:17.000 They take a propane torch, and they'll char the outside to get that crispy outer edge.

01:42:24.000 I've tried every single method to cook a regular beef steak.

01:42:28.000 My favorite by far is lump charcoal on a regular grill.

01:42:32.000 You get that smoky, real wood taste to the steak.

01:42:37.000 And you just got to know how hot it is.

01:42:39.000 It's like a trial and error thing.

01:42:41.000 For me, I take...

01:42:41.000 You got to know...

01:42:44.000 Like a two-inch steak, you need three minutes on each side, and then I put it on the upper level of the grill, I close the lid, and I cook it for another five minutes.

01:42:54.000 And that kind of gets the inside.

01:42:54.000 That's it.

01:42:56.000 Bam! 0.98

01:42:56.000 I've been doing that for a long time. 0.98

01:42:58.000 It sounds so good!

01:42:59.000 I feel so bad for people who don't eat meat.

01:43:01.000 I know.

01:43:02.000 You know, I understand.

01:43:03.000 I get the morals and the ethics, but those cows are going to die no matter what you do. 1.00

01:43:03.000 I get it. 1.00

01:43:07.000 My cousins have cows and they just sent them out to get butchered. 0.98

01:43:07.000 They're gonna die. 0.98

01:43:12.000 They got like 1,700 pounds of meat. 0.95

01:43:14.000 Wow.

01:43:14.000 My buddy Doug does it himself.

01:43:16.000 It's insanity.

01:43:16.000 Does he?

01:43:17.000 My friend Doug, he has grass-fed cows in his farm in Wisconsin and fucking picks them out. 0.98

01:43:22.000 That's where I started getting bummed out about grass-fed cows because everybody has this idea, oh, grass-fed cows, it's so ethical. 0.97

01:43:29.000 You know, my cows are only grass-fed. 0.99

01:43:31.000 You go near these fucking cows and they panic and run. 1.00

01:43:35.000 They know exactly what you're there for. 1.00

01:43:37.000 Make no mistake about it.

01:43:38.000 This isn't like hunting.

01:43:40.000 This isn't like, you know, you see a deer.

01:43:41.000 The deer might not have ever even seen a person before.

01:43:43.000 Boom! 0.99

01:43:44.000 The gun goes off.

01:43:44.000 The deer is down.

01:43:46.000 That's like an ethical life. 1.00

01:43:48.000 These fucking cows that are living in this guy's... 1.00

01:43:51.000 They can smell it. 1.00

01:43:52.000 They know. 0.99

01:43:53.000 Dude, we went near them and they fucking ran like we were demons. 0.99

01:43:57.000 Like we were demons that have corralled them up for slaughter. 0.99

01:44:00.000 Because that's what we are to them.

01:44:02.000 You saw the cows being released from the milk barn for the first time.

01:44:05.000 Yeah.

01:44:05.000 Where they're all jumping around like dogs and having a...

01:44:08.000 Like they were so happy that you just sat there and go, wow.

01:44:11.000 Yeah.

01:44:11.000 They are so happy right now that they're...

01:44:13.000 You could tell that they're just like crying with happiness.

01:44:16.000 Yeah, they were trapped in those stalls for their whole life and then they released them out into this field and they're just dancing around.

01:44:16.000 Yeah.

01:44:21.000 Oh, wow.

01:44:22.000 Having a good old time.

01:44:23.000 Good grief.

01:44:24.000 I think it's a real shame that somehow or another factory farming has become a real accepted part of the way we get food in this country.

01:44:34.000 But that said, I like meat.

01:44:37.000 Meat is so good.

01:44:39.000 I just tried goat for the first time.

01:44:41.000 I had goat before.

01:44:42.000 I had goat tacos in Houston.

01:44:44.000 Yeah.

01:44:45.000 Tacos!

01:44:45.000 That's what we did.

01:44:46.000 Did you?

01:44:46.000 Where'd you get it?

01:44:47.000 Where'd you get it?

01:44:48.000 It was in Arizona.

01:44:50.000 Mexicans know how to party. 1.00

01:44:51.000 But why are you saying ew to that?

01:44:53.000 You know like 90% of the world eats goat.

01:44:55.000 I don't like goat.

01:44:56.000 Goat tastes good, dude.

01:44:57.000 Have you had it?

01:44:58.000 No, I mean, I just don't like goats, so I don't think I want to eat goats.

01:45:01.000 It's all in your head, dude.

01:45:02.000 I'm telling you, you wouldn't like a lot of things. 1.00

01:45:04.000 If you hang out with chickens, you realize they're assholes. 1.00

01:45:07.000 I told you, chickens bite my daughter's face. 1.00

01:45:10.000 I'm like, you little fucking cunt. 1.00

01:45:12.000 I'll kill you. 1.00

01:45:15.000 Chickens are dinosaurs, man. 1.00

01:45:17.000 They're dinosaurs.

01:45:18.000 You cost $3. 1.00

01:45:20.000 My chickens are sweet, you know, because they get pet, they get picked up, and they'll still bite your fucking face. 1.00

01:45:25.000 They're stupid as shit. 1.00

01:45:26.000 Their brains are your thumbnail. 1.00

01:45:28.000 I mean, they literally decide...

01:45:29.000 They don't know what's going on.

01:45:31.000 They're not doing it on purpose.

01:45:32.000 They're just trying to survive.

01:45:33.000 Do you have a problem with coyotes getting your chickens?

01:45:35.000 I saw a coyote get my chicken.

01:45:37.000 Oh, really?

01:45:37.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:45:38.000 Oh, my God.

01:45:38.000 I have to get...

01:45:39.000 I've been slacking on this, but I have to get...

01:45:41.000 I have to hire...

01:45:42.000 Someone who, they have this urban coyote capture thing.

01:45:47.000 Because the thing about, we have 24, well, we used to have 24 chickens.

01:45:51.000 My dog killed one, and the coyote killed another one. 0.99

01:45:54.000 But I saw the coyote jump my fence with the fucking chicken in his mouth. 0.99

01:45:58.000 So I realized, okay, now I see how the coyotes, I had a fountain that was near the fence. 0.99

01:46:04.000 And the coyote would jump to the top of the fountain and jump over the fence. 1.00

01:46:07.000 I was like, oh, you son of a bitch. 1.00

01:46:08.000 So I took the fountain down and reinforced the areas where the coyote was getting in. 1.00

01:46:13.000 But they know there's food there.

01:46:15.000 And they know there's a lot of food there.

01:46:17.000 There's 24 or 22 now.

01:46:19.000 Yeah.

01:46:20.000 Yeah, 22 chickens.

01:46:22.000 So I have to hire somebody.

01:46:23.000 They do these urban traps and they set them up all around.

01:46:27.000 I don't even live in the...

01:46:28.000 I'm not in an urban area, but... 0.99

01:46:29.000 They set them up around your house, and they capture these coyotes, and they fucking bang, bang them. 1.00

01:46:34.000 They kill them. 1.00

01:46:34.000 Wow. 1.00

01:46:35.000 My cousins live...

01:46:36.000 Urban traps.

01:46:37.000 It's like a swap meet or something.

01:46:38.000 Yeah.

01:46:40.000 Urban traps.

01:46:43.000 It's a gold chain next to a...

01:46:45.000 It's a foot locker.

01:46:47.000 It's a pair of Jordans next to a...

01:46:49.000 One of those little lassos, or a noose, a little ankle noose. 1.00

01:46:55.000 Is it Kanye's new shoe he's announcing?

01:46:58.000 No, and I don't want to talk about it.

01:47:00.000 You don't like Kanye? 1.00

01:47:00.000 No, I'm a fucking grown man. 1.00

01:47:02.000 You and Jamie need to call each other on the phone and talk about shit that nobody else gives a fuck about. 1.00

01:47:07.000 It's male Uggs. 1.00

01:47:08.000 Oh my god.

01:47:09.000 Stop! 1.00

01:47:11.000 Just don't.

01:47:12.000 Just don't, Brian. 0.99

01:47:13.000 We have fucking Josh McDermott from The Walking Dead. 0.99

01:47:15.000 You want to talk about Kanye West and his O's? 0.99

01:47:16.000 You're 40 years old and you want to talk about Kanye?

01:47:18.000 I've been telling him that for years. 1.00

01:47:20.000 He's a fucking grown man. 1.00

01:47:21.000 He's a grown man, but he's not. 1.00

01:47:23.000 Like, somehow or another.

01:47:24.000 When we sucked him out of Columbus and brought him to Los Angeles, we've stifled his growth.

01:47:29.000 He actually went back.

01:47:31.000 He went back.

01:47:32.000 He was 30 then, and he's 12 now.

01:47:34.000 That's completely opposite of what I've been figuring out lately.

01:47:38.000 Oh, you have figured it all out.

01:47:39.000 Going through old videos.

01:47:40.000 Joe, do you remember when I first moved here, I didn't really have any friends, so we would just once in a while hang out and stuff.

01:47:47.000 There was videos of me just sitting in my computer room my first week here, and I was mentally challenged, retarded. 0.81

01:47:53.000 I don't even know why you would talk to me back then.

01:47:56.000 You make good videos!

01:47:57.000 That's the problem, is the thing that you do really well, you don't even do.

01:48:02.000 I've gotten back into it.

01:48:03.000 You please go back into it.

01:48:05.000 I need to go on the road with you sometime to do something cool though.

01:48:07.000 He's very talented.

01:48:09.000 Like, his video editing skills are amazing.

01:48:11.000 That's what I initially hired him for, because he's really good.

01:48:14.000 And then he became a podcaster, which he's challenged at.

01:48:19.000 He's challenged at communicating.

01:48:21.000 He's challenged at thinking about things.

01:48:23.000 That challenge is often his strength.

01:48:27.000 But his video skills, I think, no bullshit, and I'm not saying this just because you're here, you're one of the best video editors I've ever seen.

01:48:34.000 Like, you're...

01:48:36.000 Like, your sense of, like, timing and, like, your editing and the way you splice things together, you create something that doesn't exist.

01:48:44.000 Like, you're capable of, like, you put these weird touches on things and weird sounds and music and edit.

01:48:52.000 You have a real feel for it, man.

01:48:54.000 Like, you have a real talent.

01:48:55.000 Like, if you really pursued that...

01:48:57.000 You could be rich.

01:48:58.000 You really could be. 0.99

01:48:59.000 You should be a guy that people seek out to make their music videos and shit. 0.98

01:49:06.000 You have a weird sense of how to put things together. 0.96

01:49:09.000 It's a real talent, man.

01:49:10.000 Who edited your last special?

01:49:13.000 I did.

01:49:14.000 Could have been you, man.

01:49:15.000 The Comedy Central one?

01:49:15.000 Could have been you, Brian.

01:49:17.000 You see?

01:49:18.000 Joe's having to do it himself.

01:49:19.000 There's not much editing.

01:49:21.000 That's just camera cuts.

01:49:22.000 There's no editing.

01:49:24.000 What I'm talking about, he did some stuff.

01:49:27.000 Look at the Austin V is my favorite one.

01:49:29.000 That's a great one.

01:49:30.000 Yeah, the little Austin.

01:49:31.000 Yeah, the dude that was born with no arms.

01:49:34.000 No, no, no.

01:49:35.000 I'm talking about the Joey Diaz.

01:49:36.000 It was me...

01:49:37.000 Lil Esther, you, and Joey Diaz.

01:49:39.000 That was a great one too, yeah.

01:49:40.000 And just because the editing, the audio editing.

01:49:43.000 Because I pretty much remixed music to go with everything.

01:49:46.000 Yeah. 0.98

01:49:47.000 Dude, you're really fucking talented with that. 0.96

01:49:49.000 I really think it's your calling in life. 0.97

01:49:51.000 You know, it's like, as Joey Diaz is meant to be a stand-up comic, you're meant to be a video editor.

01:49:56.000 I have more fun doing stand-up comedy.

01:49:58.000 Oh, I know you do.

01:49:59.000 Because it's immediate.

01:50:00.000 It's immediate gratification. 0.99

01:50:01.000 But you do shit that I can't do. 1.00

01:50:03.000 I don't have that mind. 1.00

01:50:04.000 My mind does not work that way.

01:50:06.000 I'm trying to get back into it and then this new computer is finally getting to the point where it's so much the rendering thing was the thing that I hated and the reason that made me stop.

01:50:15.000 And we're just sitting there waiting for hours.

01:50:18.000 What about those new Macs, those tubes, those Super Mac, the tower?

01:50:24.000 Well, it's funny because you'd think that would be the best computer because I just bought a new computer.

01:50:30.000 And researching those, you realize that they're using a different processor that isn't really that...

01:50:37.000 Good for video editing as compared to the i7 processor that the iMacs use.

01:50:43.000 So if you look at rendering times on one of those machines versus a iMac, the iMac even comes across being faster in a lot of the tests because those use Xeon processors, which aren't really...

01:50:55.000 I don't know why they use Xeon processors.

01:50:57.000 So is it because the software is optimized for that certain processor?

01:51:01.000 Yeah, I think so.

01:51:02.000 Yeah.

01:51:03.000 God, this is really boring.

01:51:04.000 No wonder you left video editing.

01:51:06.000 Yeah. 0.84

01:51:08.000 Well, he would call me, like, you know, after he'd edited for like 12 hours, he'd go, I'm going fucking crazy.

01:51:13.000 I don't think I can do this anymore. 0.96

01:51:15.000 I'm almost done, but I'm going fucking crazy.

01:51:17.000 But the process, the result was amazing.

01:51:20.000 I just think you've got a very unique talent for that.

01:51:22.000 That was also back in the days when we were using mini DV tapes.

01:51:26.000 Oh, yeah.

01:51:27.000 So in order to edit, I had to transfer every single tape onto my computer, then look at it, and then go through the 50 hours.

01:51:35.000 Now, I mean...

01:51:36.000 You just pull a card out, slip it in.

01:51:37.000 You know what you should do?

01:51:38.000 While you're single?

01:51:39.000 You should do some sort of a Brian Reviews massage parlors.

01:51:45.000 I'm scared of those places now.

01:51:47.000 Yeah?

01:51:48.000 Because my favorite place got busted, and now they're all fake cops that work there.

01:51:52.000 Yeah, but would you go to jail?

01:51:53.000 Do you go to jail for going? 1.00

01:51:54.000 You just gotta play dumb. 1.00

01:51:56.000 Oh yeah, you go to jail. 1.00

01:51:57.000 No, you just gotta play dumb. 1.00

01:51:58.000 He's gotta go, I'm here to get my feet rubbed. 0.99

01:52:01.000 Rub my feet.

01:52:02.000 Yeah.

01:52:02.000 You know?

01:52:03.000 I'm here to get a foot massage.

01:52:04.000 True.

01:52:05.000 You know?

01:52:06.000 Do you want anything else?

01:52:07.000 Hey, whatever you want to do.

01:52:08.000 I'm just here.

01:52:09.000 I'm just going to close my eyes.

01:52:10.000 You do what you want to do.

01:52:11.000 And if you want a hundred bucks, you know, you just do what you want to do and I'll just lay back here.

01:52:14.000 I tip good.

01:52:15.000 Yeah, I mean, I'm a good tipper.

01:52:15.000 I tip good.

01:52:16.000 I just like massages.

01:52:17.000 I'm just going to sit here.

01:52:18.000 You know me.

01:52:19.000 Were you going there because you got a little something extra or was it they got busted after the fact and you were like, wait, I didn't even know.

01:52:27.000 He doesn't know.

01:52:28.000 You don't know about rub maps.

01:52:29.000 Yeah, this is my favorite website that I read every single day.

01:52:32.000 Oh, you do know it.

01:52:33.000 He doesn't know it. 1.00

01:52:35.000 He's playing dumb. 1.00

01:52:37.000 He's being all Hollywood on us. 0.99

01:52:39.000 Josh McDermott, you've come a long way since Phoenix.

01:52:43.000 No, I mean, it's great, but it is something that also you have to think about, like the sex slave industry thing.

01:52:51.000 You'll run into places where you're just like, this person does not want to be here.

01:52:55.000 Like right now where I live, this is one of the craziest things.

01:52:58.000 There's this...

01:53:14.000 Oh my god. 0.97

01:53:21.000 Like, I mean, it's just, it's ridiculous. 0.98

01:53:24.000 And they're just living there. 1.00

01:53:25.000 And that's the kind of shit that freaks me out. 0.99

01:53:27.000 Okay, but is that just people that, like, you know, some people come here from another country, and they're poor, and they have a relative here. 0.99

01:53:33.000 The relative says, look, you can sleep in my garage until you get on your feet.

01:53:36.000 We'll set up some beds.

01:53:37.000 It's warm.

01:53:38.000 We're in Burbank.

01:53:39.000 You don't have to worry about it.

01:53:40.000 It doesn't get cold at night. 0.98

01:53:41.000 Or are they sex slaves? 1.00

01:53:42.000 I don't know, because they looked like they were just miserable. 0.99

01:53:47.000 That's the reality of prostitution being illegal, man.

01:53:51.000 That's a big part of the problem.

01:53:52.000 If prostitution was completely legal and like a massage, which it should be, I don't want to give people massages, okay? 0.99

01:54:01.000 I also don't want to give anybody any blowjobs. 0.99

01:54:04.000 But there's some people that don't care. 0.99

01:54:07.000 They like giving massages. 0.99

01:54:08.000 They don't mind giving blowjobs for $300 instead of working at Denny's for three days for $300. 1.00

01:54:15.000 And they wouldn't even get $300 if they worked there for three days. 0.98

01:54:17.000 They could blow you for five minutes and make $300.

01:54:20.000 Some people would do that, and that's their prerogative as adult human beings.

01:54:24.000 Our issue is legality and these weird ethics that we attach to sexuality over everything else we do. 0.94

01:54:32.000 Like, everything else you do where people serve you, where people will serve you drinks, they'll serve you food, they don't fucking want to. 0.85

01:54:39.000 Nobody wants to bring you your meat. 0.75

01:54:40.000 Nobody wants to say, Mr. McDermott, would you like some cracked pepper on that salad? 0.99

01:54:44.000 He doesn't want to put fucking pepper on your salad. 0.98

01:54:46.000 That guy's only doing it because he wants your money. 1.00

01:54:48.000 I mean, he's whoring himself out.

01:54:50.000 And I mean this in the nicest way possible.

01:54:52.000 He's not really, but he's doing it for money.

01:54:55.000 You know, it's a job.

01:54:56.000 It's a great job.

01:54:56.000 There's nothing wrong with being a waiter.

01:54:57.000 Don't get me wrong. 0.95

01:54:58.000 But there's also nothing wrong with having sex. 0.95

01:55:01.000 I mean, we have this crazy idea in our head that sex is evil and nasty. 0.98

01:55:05.000 Oh, you're paying for sex. 1.00

01:55:07.000 You get money for sex, you fucking whore. 1.00

01:55:11.000 Somebody pays you and then they touch you! 1.00

01:55:13.000 You fucking bitch! 1.00

01:55:14.000 It's craziness. 1.00

01:55:16.000 We have these weird attachments that are completely socially constructed.

01:55:21.000 We've decided that these things are bad.

01:55:24.000 The real issue is that stuff. 0.83

01:55:26.000 Sex slavery.

01:55:28.000 You're not talking about a woman who's like... 1.00

01:55:30.000 Just a grown woman, a mature woman who decides on her own, you know, it's just sex. 1.00

01:55:35.000 Who gives a shit? 0.99

01:55:36.000 It's a fine way to pay my bills and I can go travel and I'll do whatever the fuck I want with my life and I'll be independent. 0.98

01:55:42.000 It's not, those are not the victims. 0.96

01:55:45.000 The real issue is When you have things illegal, then everything has to be seedy and hidden and, you know, in the darkness and underground, and then you get things like sex slavery.

01:55:57.000 It's very analogous to the drug war.

01:56:01.000 One of the real reasons why the drug war exists is because drugs are illegal.

01:56:06.000 One of the real reasons why there's so much crime in Mexico that's related to the drug trade is directly because drugs aren't legal.

01:56:15.000 If drugs were legal, you wouldn't have criminals that are selling drugs. 0.92

01:56:18.000 And if criminals weren't selling drugs, you'd be able to buy drugs the same way you go to fucking CVS and buy liquor. 0.99

01:56:23.000 There's no fucking gang wars over whiskey. 0.99

01:56:25.000 It's not happening. 0.99

01:56:27.000 Whiskey's sold, and it's taxed, and everybody seems to be fine. 0.99

01:56:31.000 Other than the fact that people drink it and do stupid shit while they're on it, there's no violence, and no murder, and no crime attached to the production of fine whiskey. 0.99

01:56:41.000 And that's how it should be with sex. 1.00

01:56:43.000 And that's how it should be with everything.

01:56:45.000 We are adult human beings.

01:56:48.000 If you want to pay someone to rub your feet, you should be able to do it.

01:56:51.000 Could you imagine if, like, back massages were somehow or another deemed morally outrageous, and you couldn't go and get a massage?

01:56:59.000 Like, you know those places at the airport where you sit down, you put your face in that chair, and they come over and rub your back? 1.00

01:57:05.000 What if they sucked your dick? 1.00

01:57:07.000 I've tried. 1.00

01:57:12.000 Listen, I put a blanket over us.

01:57:14.000 Nobody needs to know. 0.97

01:57:15.000 But I mean, if you went to a place like that and they gave you handjobs, it would be the most glorious thing ever. 1.00

01:57:21.000 If you went to that place and there was a beautiful Russian lady and she took you into this quiet room and she just cupped your balls with one hand and jerked you off with the other, while you had an iPad, you're watching porn, it would be the greatest thing ever. 1.00

01:57:34.000 I want to know what's the difference between, like if you go on Backpage and you see they have escorts, then they have legit massages where they bring a table over to your house and they massage you. 0.99

01:57:46.000 They're all in the same category?

01:57:47.000 Yeah.

01:57:48.000 Then they have body sliders where it's like they bring a big inflatable raft that you have in a swimming pool and then you get naked and then they put oil over you and they just slide their naked body on you. 0.99

01:58:00.000 And that you're not fucking. 0.99

01:58:01.000 But it's like, is that illegal? 0.98

01:58:02.000 Or like, what makes it, you have to have insertion?

01:58:05.000 I mean, it just doesn't seem like escorting can be, you can be caught for it.

01:58:12.000 Because like, if you really, I don't know, it just seems like what's the law with that?

01:58:16.000 How much for a body slider, though?

01:58:18.000 150 bucks usually for a half hour.

01:58:20.000 Do they define what a body slider is?

01:58:23.000 There's videos of it.

01:58:24.000 There's actually videos on YouTube.

01:58:28.000 I mean, it sounds great, but you sound like that's just a...

01:58:30.000 See, that's one of those things where it's like, again, it's like a cultural thing.

01:58:34.000 Like, what is a body slider?

01:58:36.000 You know, you have to define it.

01:58:38.000 Because, like, what's a sandwich? 0.99

01:58:39.000 Everybody knows a sandwich is some shit that's in between two slices of bread. 1.00

01:58:42.000 If you order a sandwich, someone brings you a pizza, you're like, what the fuck is this? 1.00

01:58:45.000 This is what we call a sandwich. 0.99

01:58:47.000 You know, what do you call a body slider in Northern California?

01:58:50.000 Is it the same as a body slider in Chicago? 0.99

01:58:53.000 What the fucking body slider, man? 1.00

01:58:54.000 Right. 1.00

01:58:55.000 Never heard of a body slider. 1.00

01:58:56.000 It's all underground, sneaky shit. 1.00

01:58:58.000 Yeah, body slides. 1.00

01:58:59.000 And you just sit there with like a boner out and they just pretty much rub their whole body on your boner, body, boobs. 1.00

01:59:06.000 Like it's just... 0.97

01:59:07.000 No insertion, but it's pretty much everything else.

01:59:09.000 But is that illegal?

01:59:12.000 I say no.

01:59:13.000 If no insertion, I don't think it's illegal.

01:59:15.000 So it's just insertion.

01:59:17.000 But I think if you cum, it's probably illegal. 0.97

01:59:19.000 Right. 1.00

01:59:19.000 That's where all the fucking... 1.00

01:59:21.000 That's where the hullabaloo is. 1.00

01:59:24.000 It's about orgasming.

01:59:26.000 It's a bunch of haters.

01:59:26.000 Nobody...

01:59:27.000 They don't want you to cum. 0.96

01:59:28.000 Is there like a five-second rule, like if you cum but you put it in your mouth real quick and it doesn't count because it's going back in your body? 1.00

01:59:35.000 That's disgusting, man. 0.99

01:59:37.000 Why is it disgusting? 0.99

01:59:38.000 It came out of your body two seconds, you know? 1.00

01:59:40.000 Shut the fuck up. 1.00

01:59:41.000 Seriously. 1.00

01:59:42.000 Just think before you say something like that.

01:59:44.000 Imagine that undercover cop who got assigned to body sliding. 1.00

01:59:47.000 How about the undercover cop that watches him eat his own cum? 0.99

01:59:49.000 No, five second rule. 1.00

01:59:52.000 Five second rule. 0.74

01:59:54.000 What are you talking about? 0.94

01:59:55.000 I don't see any cum. 0.86

01:59:56.000 I always find it weird though, like if you have a goober in your mouth and you can feel it, it's one of those thick ones, and then you spit it on a piece of paper, the idea of you now licking that back up is the most grossest thing in the world, but just a second ago you were in your mouth just tasting it and swishing it around.

02:00:11.000 Because you don't think about it.

02:00:13.000 It's out of sight, out of mind.

02:00:14.000 You don't have to look at it.

02:00:15.000 It's when you look at it.

02:00:17.000 You know, kind of grossed out right now. 0.99

02:00:18.000 Well, it's like if you had to take a shit, you know, that's one thing. 1.00

02:00:20.000 You're like, oh, I can't wait to take a shit. 0.99

02:00:22.000 And you get on that toilet, and it comes up. 1.00

02:00:25.000 But if you had to stuff that shit back in your asshole, if you had to reach in there with rubber gloves on and just pack your own ass, repack it, that might be one of the worst things you could ever do. 1.00

02:00:35.000 Like, taking a shit is amazing. 1.00

02:00:38.000 I love taking a dump. 1.00

02:00:40.000 When you hold it in for just a little bit, not a long time, A little extra 20 minutes.

02:00:45.000 And you get on that toilet, just... 0.99

02:00:47.000 You feel those logs just fucking barreling down the river. 0.99

02:00:51.000 Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. 0.99

02:00:53.000 I went to...

02:00:54.000 I took a dump at the mall the other day.

02:00:56.000 And I've been trying to eat healthier, eating more greens and stuff.

02:01:01.000 So it came out, like, very earthy, right?

02:01:04.000 It wasn't anything horrible.

02:01:05.000 It just smelled.

02:01:06.000 And I flushed.

02:01:07.000 And then the guy came in to clean the restroom and started choking...

02:01:11.000 And I felt so good. 1.00

02:01:14.000 And I could hear him trying to clean up and then at the end he was in there about two minutes and he goes, it smells like fucking shit! 1.00

02:01:22.000 And he just left. 1.00

02:01:25.000 I was like, oh yeah!

02:01:27.000 That was like a highlight of my life.

02:01:29.000 Yeah, like you scored on him.

02:01:31.000 You did.

02:01:32.000 You scored on him. 1.00

02:01:33.000 If you fucking shit in a bathroom and that guy's got to go in there right after you, you scored on him, dude. 1.00

02:01:39.000 And I had flushed. 1.00

02:01:41.000 So it wasn't like it was still sitting there stewing.

02:01:44.000 It was post-flush. 0.99

02:01:45.000 Well, there's nothing worse than when you have to shit really bad and the only option is a porta potty. 0.99

02:01:51.000 And you're at a concert, and there's 20 people behind you, and there's a long-ass line, and you go in there, and you plop down, and you're shitting on other people's shit that is on top of other people's shit, which is on other people's shit, which is all in Smurf juice. 0.99

02:02:04.000 And you're just dropping logs on top of pre-existing logs, and just gagging. 0.99

02:02:12.000 Meanwhile, the band's playing your favorite song. 0.99

02:02:16.000 Freebird, no, fuck, I gotta get my pants off! 1.00

02:02:18.000 That's why I was here! 1.00

02:02:19.000 I saw this online.

02:02:21.000 They had a thing about the porta-potties. 1.00

02:02:23.000 The whole point of them is you're supposed to close the lid, and then that will take the scent out up through this funnel, like this tube, and release the scent up there.

02:02:32.000 But the reason porta-potties smell so bad is because everyone just leaves the lid up.

02:02:35.000 Someone wants to touch it.

02:02:37.000 Oh, God.

02:02:37.000 Yeah.

02:02:38.000 That's all bullshit. 1.00

02:02:40.000 It stinks. 1.00

02:02:40.000 It's a fucking confined space. 1.00

02:02:42.000 You're shitting in a phone booth. 1.00

02:02:43.000 It's not going anywhere. 0.99

02:02:44.000 That smells everywhere.

02:02:45.000 I think as a society we could try it.

02:02:48.000 If it's still going to stink, we can at least give it a shot. 0.97

02:02:51.000 In The Walking Dead, do you guys shit out in the woods? 0.96

02:02:53.000 Do you drop logs in the woods? 0.97

02:02:54.000 We got trailers out there that have, like, they're air conditioned.

02:02:58.000 They're down to, like, 50 degrees.

02:03:00.000 So it's, like, 90 degrees outside.

02:03:02.000 I mean, I'm finding excuses to take a dump.

02:03:04.000 Do you sometimes have, like, long downtime in between scenes so you can take a nice fat nap?

02:03:10.000 Yeah.

02:03:11.000 I used to love those.

02:03:12.000 If you can, I mean, well, because a lot of times, because we shoot on location, so everything, it takes a while to get back to, like, your trailer where, like, I have a couch or something I could sleep on, and so it's rare that they would make you sit for that long.

02:03:25.000 How far away are you from, like, the set?

02:03:28.000 Like, if your trailer is one place, how far away is the set where you're filming?

02:03:31.000 It's usually, it's always less than 10 minutes.

02:03:34.000 You were telling us before that you get there at 5 o'clock in the morning, but when are you done?

02:03:38.000 You didn't say when you were done.

02:03:40.000 Well, we'll use up all the sunshine.

02:03:42.000 So, like, the sun sets about 9 p.m.

02:03:44.000 in Georgia.

02:03:45.000 9 p.m.

02:03:46.000 Wow.

02:03:46.000 in the summer?

02:03:47.000 So you're working long motherfucking days. 0.98

02:03:50.000 So they try and schedule it because I think, you know, there's like with the actors union, you have like a turnaround like 12 hours. 0.98

02:03:58.000 And if they make you come back, you know, shorter than the 12 hour turnaround, they have to pay you.

02:04:03.000 And so I don't know.

02:04:06.000 Yeah.

02:04:07.000 Actually, it's because I'm considered a local actor, a local hire, because I live in Atlanta.

02:04:15.000 Then there's some rules around that where they don't have to pay me all the time.

02:04:19.000 Did you get an apartment in Atlanta, or did you rent a house?

02:04:23.000 Yeah, I got an apartment.

02:04:25.000 And when you come back to LA, did you keep an apartment in LA, or did you just stay here for a little bit?

02:04:30.000 I kept one here and I'm going to have that as long as I'm on the show because I don't know when I'll get killed off and I'm not going to want to go find a new place.

02:04:39.000 I like where I live now.

02:04:40.000 Do you ever go to the producer and go, listen, I'm about to re-sign my lease?

02:04:43.000 Is there anything I should know?

02:04:45.000 That's a good question.

02:04:47.000 Apparently that happened with one of the actors at the start of the season because they're secretive to us.

02:04:52.000 Of course.

02:04:53.000 But they were like, hey, so I have a feeling I'm being set up to be killed.

02:04:58.000 I don't want to sign the lease.

02:04:59.000 I'm like, no, no, no, no, you're fine.

02:05:01.000 And they went and signed the lease, and then they get killed.

02:05:02.000 Wow. 1.00

02:05:03.000 What a dick. 1.00

02:05:04.000 Do they go to them and go, hey, what the fuck? 1.00

02:05:07.000 Yeah, they were pretty upset. 0.99

02:05:08.000 But then there was another guy who literally got it out of Lawrence Gilliard, who plays Bob, the guy who got his leg chopped off and eaten by the cannibals.

02:05:21.000 He didn't want to sign the lease because he had a feeling he was about to go.

02:05:24.000 And so he actually got the producers to tell him.

02:05:26.000 He sat in the meeting with them.

02:05:28.000 He wouldn't leave until they told him.

02:05:30.000 Like, yeah, you're going to die in episode three or whatever.

02:05:33.000 I don't get that.

02:05:34.000 It was because he was about to sign the lease.

02:05:36.000 That's it.

02:05:37.000 So he's like, look, this is going to cost me $10,000 or $12,000.

02:05:37.000 Yeah.

02:05:40.000 Right.

02:05:41.000 So he just didn't want to, you know, I mean, obviously you can break a lease and, you know, but you're still paying for that.

02:05:46.000 But he got it out of them.

02:05:48.000 And then, of course, like, you know, they didn't tell us that he was dying.

02:05:50.000 And I'm sitting there like texting him like, hey, man, where you live in this season?

02:05:53.000 And he's like radio silent.

02:05:55.000 And then I figured out that they were going to kill him.

02:05:57.000 I'm like, why would he be avoiding me right now?

02:06:00.000 He's not telling me where he's living.

02:06:02.000 It was just weird.

02:06:05.000 When you had that one scene where you shot up the truck and shot the gas tank and all that stuff, how much of that was real?

02:06:05.000 Whatever.

02:06:15.000 You were shooting a gun, but was it blanks or were you actually shooting at that car?

02:06:19.000 Because it seemed like you were actually hitting that car.

02:06:21.000 Yeah, it was half and half.

02:06:22.000 So they give you blanks, but then they tell you once you're out, just keep firing or mimicking like you're firing the weapon.

02:06:32.000 Because they'll cut it around and everything.

02:06:34.000 I think there's only like 20 rounds in that clip.

02:06:36.000 And I think if you really look at it, I was probably fired like over 100 shots. 0.99

02:06:41.000 That's a fucking problem with revolvers in movies. 0.99

02:06:44.000 It costs like five bucks to put in a muzzle flash in post-production. 1.00

02:06:49.000 So just keep jerking the gun like you're firing away.

02:06:53.000 And so I did that.

02:06:55.000 But then what they do is they had these guys, because we were right next to a cornfield and they had our special effects guys perched on some ladders with these paintball guns with these exploding I don't know, the pellets that kind of spark off.

02:07:10.000 So when I go and I shoot up the truck, they're actually the ones firing the truck and it just hits on the truck.

02:07:17.000 So that was really cool because they used to have to run this line of charges or whatever and have those explode at one time.

02:07:25.000 Well, when you kill a zombie, what is actually happening?

02:07:29.000 Because some of it is obviously so CGI-y, like the blood looks fake.

02:07:34.000 It's almost like they do it so it's not too realistic so they could show it, almost.

02:07:39.000 Like the craziness of the blood is almost like...

02:07:42.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:07:42.000 It varies, because the one scene in Terminus, when they beat the people over the head and then cut their throat, that looked real as fuck. 0.99

02:07:49.000 That was super disturbing. 0.96

02:07:51.000 With that, they had these tubes that were just tied around their neck.

02:07:55.000 And even everyone on set was going like, oh, this looks totally fake.

02:07:57.000 And they're like, no, no, no, we'll color that out later.

02:08:00.000 And the tubes were actually, like, gushing out the blood.

02:08:03.000 And so when they cut, you know, so they do the motion to cut, and I think they either had, like, a rubber knife, or a lot of times they have a knife that's just the handle with some, like, green tape on the end in it, so it's not a full knife or machete sort of thing.

02:08:17.000 And then they paint that in later.

02:08:19.000 Oh, the knife is CGI. Yeah, so, like, if I got this water bottle and there's no blade on the end of it, I just use that, and then they can just paint that in and make it look like a knife as I cut my throat.

02:08:28.000 So cool.

02:08:29.000 And then they just painted out the tube so that all that was left was just blood gushing out into the trough. 0.89

02:08:35.000 It was pretty fucking awesome.

02:08:36.000 It looked so real. 0.79

02:08:38.000 That looked awful.

02:08:39.000 That was brutal, man.

02:08:40.000 Well, that whole scene was like...

02:08:41.000 It was so...

02:08:43.000 It was hard to...

02:08:45.000 See how these people could become those people.

02:08:48.000 It was so hard, especially when they would show the background on them, like what they were when the whole outbreak first happened.

02:08:55.000 Like they were normal and then they became cannibals. 1.00

02:08:58.000 And they're just treating and they're marking down on clipboards where they're beating people over the head with bats.

02:09:03.000 It's all methodical, yeah.

02:09:04.000 It was really weird.

02:09:05.000 It was almost too over the top because it was like, God, I can't see anybody that I know getting to that point where they club someone and turn them into a steak.

02:09:14.000 Yeah.

02:09:15.000 You know, but...

02:09:16.000 But at this point, you gotta survive.

02:09:18.000 You gotta eat.

02:09:19.000 Terrifying, though.

02:09:20.000 But all that CGI stuff, Michonne, the girl with the sword, like, her sword is fake, usually.

02:09:25.000 And that's all painted in after the fact.

02:09:27.000 So what does her sword look like when she's swinging it around? 0.96

02:09:30.000 It's just the handle.

02:09:31.000 That's it?

02:09:32.000 Just the handle, yeah.

02:09:33.000 Just the handle?

02:09:34.000 So there's no sword?

02:09:35.000 So they have a real sword, but they rarely ever have it out and use it, you know?

02:09:40.000 Like, they might use it if she's just, like, presenting it to someone or whatever.

02:09:43.000 But then they have, like, a rubber sword.

02:09:45.000 That looks exactly like it, or plastic, for safety reasons.

02:09:50.000 But then they just have a lot of them that are either like a half nub, or just no sword at all, just the handle.

02:09:56.000 She has the best weapon, for sure.

02:09:58.000 That was one thing that I learned. 0.99

02:10:00.000 If the zombies are coming, and then not those 28 Days Later zombies that fucking sprint at you, if those slow-ass zombies... 0.99

02:10:07.000 You want to have a samurai sword? 1.00

02:10:08.000 I would have a great old fucking time. 1.00

02:10:08.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:10:11.000 That's one of the things that I didn't understand about the prison when everybody was like, you know, all these zombies are pushing up against that wall.

02:10:17.000 I'm like, there's not that many.

02:10:19.000 Give me a sword. 1.00

02:10:20.000 Let me go out there and go fuck them up. 1.00

02:10:21.000 Just go out there and start popping them, yeah. 1.00

02:10:22.000 Have a great time. 1.00

02:10:23.000 Just start fucking hacking heads off. 0.99

02:10:26.000 That's kind of the sad thing is that we'll never really get to experience that. 0.99

02:10:29.000 Oh, you say that.

02:10:31.000 You never know.

02:10:32.000 With all these liberals today and their denying of the Lord, the demons may rise. 1.00

02:10:37.000 All this gay marriage and transgender mayors and all kinds of shit going on in the world. 1.00

02:10:43.000 I would take that samurai sword over basically any weapon because it's not too heavy. 0.99

02:10:49.000 Like, if you had, like, Conan's sword, like a big broadsword...

02:10:52.000 That'd be tough.

02:10:53.000 That's heavy.

02:10:54.000 You'd have to be...

02:10:54.000 It'd be real tough.

02:10:55.000 ...some, you know, built like the rock or something.

02:10:57.000 I'd like an aluminum bat.

02:10:59.000 Yeah, but they don't always die.

02:11:02.000 That's another confusing thing about the zombies.

02:11:04.000 You've just got to poke them in the eye and they're dead.

02:11:06.000 It seems like you just get into their head. 0.99

02:11:09.000 And it's super easy to stab someone in the temple, apparently. 1.00

02:11:09.000 Get their brain. 1.00

02:11:13.000 And the knife just goes right in there like it's butter. 0.98

02:11:15.000 Is it the zombie blood that makes you a zombie?

02:11:18.000 Or is there any secretions? 1.00

02:11:20.000 Could you fuck a zombie in the butt? 1.00

02:11:20.000 No. 1.00

02:11:22.000 Would you become a zombie if you fucked a zombie in the butt? 1.00

02:11:25.000 I don't think so, but you're already infected, so who cares? 1.00

02:11:28.000 Yeah, you're already infected, which is weird, because when the guy got bit last night, that episode, he got bit, but if he just cauterizes that wound, does he become a zombie?

02:11:39.000 Um... 0.99

02:11:40.000 Oh, I fucked him up. 0.98

02:11:41.000 I think... 1.00

02:11:42.000 I fucked him up. 0.99

02:11:43.000 Dude, I'm not the expert on this, but I think... 1.00

02:11:44.000 They didn't think this shit through. 1.00

02:11:45.000 I don't think they thought this shit through. 1.00

02:11:46.000 Yeah, actually, the whole show sucks. 1.00

02:11:48.000 LAUGHTER I think if the, you know, because you're already infected or you already have what's, you know, that's inside you. 0.99

02:11:55.000 If you die, you're going to turn.

02:11:57.000 But if you get bit, then that infection is going to come in and trigger whatever's inside of you.

02:12:02.000 So if you cut off your arm like they did and cauterize it, then you're probably okay.

02:12:06.000 Because they did that with Herschel in his leg.

02:12:09.000 Yeah.

02:12:09.000 You know?

02:12:10.000 Yeah, that was weird. 0.99

02:12:12.000 That was like, okay, you guys just fuck with the rules. 0.99

02:12:16.000 Because it used to be something bites you and then it gets in your bloodstream. 0.99

02:12:20.000 Well, they've been fucking with the rules since the beginning, even in the pilot.

02:12:24.000 Because zombies aren't supposed to have any sort of recollection of them being normal humans. 0.95

02:12:29.000 Yeah.

02:12:30.000 There was like a little girl at that gas station who walks by and just bends down and picks up her little teddy bear that was hers and tucks it up and walks away.

02:12:38.000 But her face is all mangled.

02:12:39.000 She's a zombie at that point. 1.00

02:12:41.000 Because Frank Darabont was like, fuck the rules. 1.00

02:12:41.000 Oh, yeah. 1.00

02:12:44.000 I'm going to do my own thing.

02:12:45.000 I like that guy.

02:12:46.000 You know?

02:12:47.000 You used to go to medieval times to get some chain mail, right?

02:12:50.000 Wouldn't you just wear like a knight outfit?

02:12:52.000 Yeah, you would just dress up like a riot, please.

02:12:54.000 Yeah, man.

02:12:55.000 Yeah.

02:12:55.000 Why don't you do that?

02:12:56.000 Riot police.

02:12:56.000 Do it.

02:12:57.000 They have the Kevlar. 1.00

02:13:00.000 They can't bite through that shit. 1.00

02:13:01.000 Their teeth would break. 1.00

02:13:01.000 They can't bite through that shit. 1.00

02:13:02.000 Yeah, you can't even fucking stab someone through that shit. 1.00

02:13:04.000 There's a guy who made a shark bite suit. 1.00

02:13:07.000 Did you see this?

02:13:08.000 Yeah.

02:13:09.000 So I did some Shark After Dark during Shark Week with Josh Wolfe.

02:13:13.000 You did Shark After Dark?

02:13:14.000 Yeah.

02:13:15.000 Have you heard of this show?

02:13:16.000 You know Josh Wolfe, right?

02:13:18.000 The comic?

02:13:18.000 Yeah.

02:13:19.000 Yeah.

02:13:19.000 So he hosts it, and they just talk all about sharks and all this stuff.

02:13:22.000 And this guy comes on, and he had this chainmail suit that is supposedly bite-proof.

02:13:30.000 And they were stabbing...

02:13:32.000 Josh was wearing it.

02:13:33.000 They were stabbing him with a knife, and the knife was bending...

02:13:36.000 And they were trying to stab him in the chest, but the guy was showing us how, you know, you can just take a knife and he had the glove on and he was slicing like the webbing in between his fingers.

02:13:46.000 And everyone's like, oh my god, oh whatever.

02:13:49.000 And then they gave me an ice pick and he put his hand out and kind of like that movie Alien, I had to go in between his fingers.

02:13:55.000 And do that.

02:13:56.000 And they told me beforehand, they go, go ahead and like, you know, pop him in the hand a few times because he's not going to, it's not going to hurt him or anything.

02:14:03.000 And so I did that.

02:14:04.000 And then I just started just jamming the ice pick into his hand.

02:14:08.000 And apparently I broke his hand.

02:14:09.000 Oh my God.

02:14:11.000 You broke his hand?

02:14:11.000 Yeah.

02:14:12.000 I broke his hand.

02:14:13.000 Josh told me that.

02:14:14.000 How hard were you jamming it?

02:14:15.000 Oh dude, it was, I was pounding, man.

02:14:18.000 But I'm like, the producers told me that it was okay.

02:14:20.000 But he's like, oh, he was like, ooh, okay.

02:14:23.000 And some people that were with me were like, oh, dude, I think you heard him.

02:14:27.000 I'm like, no, he's playing it up.

02:14:28.000 They said he couldn't get hurt.

02:14:30.000 But then Josh tells me like a month later, he's like, yeah, you broke that dude's hand.

02:14:33.000 Wow.

02:14:34.000 I felt good.

02:14:34.000 That's hilarious.

02:14:38.000 I'm stronger than a shark!

02:14:40.000 That's the one thing that would freak you out. 1.00

02:14:42.000 Like, if a shark got a hold of your arm, it's just gonna snap your fucking arm like a twig. 0.99

02:14:45.000 It's just like a swimming muscle. 0.98

02:14:48.000 Like, I've seen a lot of guys get their arms broken in fights where they get kicked and they're blocking the kick and, like, the shin hits their arm.

02:14:54.000 I saw one just last night.

02:14:55.000 I was watching AXS TV, Legacy Kickboxing.

02:14:58.000 This guy got kicked, blocked it, and his arm just went limp in the middle.

02:15:02.000 Just started dangling low.

02:15:03.000 Oh, God.

02:15:04.000 And he's still fighting.

02:15:05.000 He threw a knee and you see his arm flopping around.

02:15:08.000 Did you hear about Hector Lombard?

02:15:10.000 Yes, another one tests positive.

02:15:12.000 The UFC and MMA in general is a steroid epidemic.

02:15:17.000 They've started this really stringent testing and everybody's getting popped.

02:15:22.000 They're just getting popped left and right.

02:15:24.000 It's one of the things that fighters have been saying for a long time, that everyone's on steroids. 0.97

02:15:28.000 A huge percentage, give them number, 50, 60, whatever the fuck it is, that are on steroids. 0.53

02:15:34.000 Apparently, your body just can't... 0.97

02:15:37.000 The idea of a normal training camp, which is fighters will work out sometimes three times a day.

02:15:46.000 Maybe they'll run and do sprints in the morning.

02:15:51.000 Then they'll do some kind of strength and conditioning in the afternoon.

02:15:54.000 Then they'll do wrestling or jiu-jitsu at night.

02:15:57.000 And they'll vary.

02:15:58.000 The next day they'll do kickboxing in the morning and running in the afternoon and weightlifting at night.

02:16:03.000 And they mix it up.

02:16:04.000 But you're talking about working out three times in a day.

02:16:08.000 Because you have all these different skills that you have to work on.

02:16:10.000 You have to work on your wrestling.

02:16:12.000 You have to work on kickboxing, jujitsu.

02:16:14.000 And there's just not enough time in the day.

02:16:16.000 And there's not enough time for your body to heal.

02:16:18.000 So that's where it comes in Dr. Feelgood.

02:16:22.000 It comes along.

02:16:24.000 Yeah!

02:16:25.000 Bang! 1.00

02:16:26.000 What do you think, though, with, like, you know, Silva was injured and they were saying that maybe the doctor that he was working with has had a past of, you know, over-prescribing, you know, amounts of steroids or legal steroids.

02:16:38.000 Maybe?

02:16:39.000 You're saying maybe or he has?

02:16:40.000 No, he has.

02:16:41.000 I saw something the other day where a...

02:16:44.000 What's his doctor's name?

02:16:45.000 He's like a Brazilian... 1.00

02:16:49.000 It's okay, whatever his name is.

02:16:50.000 I guess in the past, this other fighter was like, yeah, he was approved to use this kind of steroid or something like that for an injury, and he gave me too much, which caused me to be like seven months of being penalized out of the UFC. I forget this fighter's name,

02:17:10.000 but he says that's what's happened to Silva.

02:17:12.000 Silva, he's been fighting since 17. He's never touched steroids.

02:17:16.000 He's been working this injury, and it might just be that, right?

02:17:20.000 It could be.

02:17:21.000 There's a lot of it could be that.

02:17:23.000 But another issue is there was a TV show they did a long time ago back from Anderson's house.

02:17:30.000 And one of the things they saw in the background was pen tips for Nordotropin.

02:17:37.000 It was on the shelf, a very specific box that has pen tips.

02:17:41.000 Nordotropin is a type of human growth hormone pen, and you take this human growth hormone and you inject it in someone's body.

02:17:49.000 And so, that might not have been his, so who knows?

02:17:52.000 UFC fighter claims some doctor who screwed up his TRT has now victimized Anderson Silva.

02:17:57.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

02:17:57.000 Listen, you can't listen to these guys, though, because there's a lot of...

02:18:01.000 Yeah, see, Bigfoot, you know, he...

02:18:04.000 He's blaming a doctor for him taking an abnormally high dose of testosterone.

02:18:10.000 May be true, may not be true, but it's within his best interest to say that the doctor is at fault and it's not his fault.

02:18:17.000 The doctor said he was going to sue him because the doctor's like, you know, you're lying, I didn't do anything unethical or outrageous to you, and everything you wanted me to do I did for you. 0.98

02:18:27.000 Who the fuck knows who's telling the truth? 0.97

02:18:29.000 It's totally a he said, she said thing. 0.99

02:18:31.000 It turns into a game.

02:18:32.000 But Anderson was coming back from a broken leg, and he tested positive for, the way I understand it, metabolites, which means it was leaving his system.

02:18:41.000 It was a very trace amount.

02:18:43.000 If that is the case, it could very well be that he got on some steroids so that he could heal up quicker.

02:18:48.000 Because what steroids do is they allow you to recover quicker. 0.97

02:18:51.000 So if he's 39 years old and he broke his fucking leg, you're talking about a long-ass period of recovery. 0.97

02:18:57.000 Or you take steroids and you recover in 9 months instead of 15 months or fill in the blank with whatever the real number is. 0.99

02:19:07.000 So that could be what was going on, but the reality is it's illegal.

02:19:10.000 You can't do it.

02:19:11.000 If it takes you 15 months, the excuse cannot be, oh, I'm going to give you some illegal drugs so that you heal quicker.

02:19:19.000 This is the only reason why you take these drugs.

02:19:21.000 Don't worry about it.

02:19:22.000 No, you're never allowed to take steroids.

02:19:22.000 You'll be fine.

02:19:25.000 Because one of the things that happens when you take steroids is it creates permanent changes in your muscles.

02:19:31.000 Depending upon the steroid permanent changes permanent like your your muscle density and your tendon strength and various attributes of your muscles It's been proven that some of the benefits of steroids continue permanently So it's not just when you're on them you're fucking the Hulk because a lot of these guys Especially back in the day when they were fighting in pride like they I had Ensign Inouye, 0.98

02:19:56.000 who was on the podcast, who was a fighter from Pride, who was totally clean, who said it was on his fucking contract. 0.98

02:20:01.000 They said on the contract, we will not test you for steroids. 0.99

02:20:04.000 They said on the contract, encouraged guys to take steroids.

02:20:07.000 Wow.

02:20:08.000 So a lot of guys took it.

02:20:09.000 But you get stronger than you're supposed to be.

02:20:13.000 You're not really a person anymore.

02:20:15.000 It's like if you're a person, okay? 0.91

02:20:18.000 Let's imagine, you know, they're doing all these weird things now with genetics where they're taking like a fucking mouse and they're growing a human ear on its back and then, you know, taking that human ear and inserting it in a person. 0.98

02:20:30.000 We're doing all this weird shit with people. 0.99

02:20:31.000 If they take Josh McDermott and they add one-tenth of one percent rhino genes and all of a sudden you're fucking running through brick walls and... 0.99

02:20:40.000 Are you even a person anymore?

02:20:43.000 If you get off that drug but you retain a fraction of that ability, whatever the fraction is, it's arguable that a person who takes steroids, especially prolonged steroid use over a long career of fighting, you know, you've fought for 15 years,

02:20:59.000 been taking steroids for 15 years, You're not really technically the same as you would ever be without those steroids.

02:21:08.000 You're another category.

02:21:10.000 Coca-Cola has a certain amount of ingredients.

02:21:13.000 This is a bad analogy, I know. 0.97

02:21:15.000 But if you look at the ingredients of Coca-Cola and you add tequila, that is not fucking Coca-Cola anymore. 0.94

02:21:20.000 Now you have a new thing. 1.00

02:21:22.000 Shit sandwich. 1.00

02:21:23.000 Should you be able to serve that Coca-Cola tequila out of a Coke machine? 1.00

02:21:29.000 No, you should not, because people are looking for Coke.

02:21:32.000 Now, human beings vary widely biologically, so it's not the best analogy, but the reality is, especially as this whole steroid epidemic is one thing we have to recognize.

02:21:43.000 The use of steroids is less than 100 years old.

02:21:46.000 Less than 100 years old in steroids and athletics. 0.92

02:21:49.000 I mean, I don't know what the fuck they were taking in the 1940s if they had anything. 0.99

02:21:52.000 Cocaine. 0.99

02:21:53.000 They did.

02:21:54.000 They did take cocaine back then.

02:21:55.000 I mean, they did.

02:21:56.000 They most certainly did.

02:21:57.000 Amphetamines have always been an issue with baseball.

02:22:00.000 Amphetamines and stimulants and things that increase your ability to concentrate and your ability to stay awake.

02:22:07.000 There's always been substances that people have taken, but the actual use of anabolic steroids in human beings is relatively recent in human history.

02:22:16.000 And I think that as time goes on, they're going to create more and more powerful and crazier shit, and it's going to get to the point where you're going to test negative because you're not on it anymore, but your body will forever be changed. 0.99

02:22:30.000 Like, girls will be in denial about having a fake butt. 1.00

02:22:33.000 Oh my god, it's totally my butt. 1.00

02:22:35.000 Because they can take the fat, suck it out of your thighs, pack it in your ass, and it stays in your ass now. 1.00

02:22:41.000 It stays forever. 1.00

02:22:42.000 When you gain weight, your ass gains weight. 1.00

02:22:44.000 When you lose weight, your ass loses weight. 1.00

02:22:46.000 But your ass will always have more fat than it ever did before because you literally pack fat in there, and people can lie about it. 1.00

02:22:53.000 I fell on a swing when I was little. 1.00

02:22:53.000 I got that scar. 1.00

02:22:57.000 You're going to have men that are like that. 0.99

02:22:59.000 You're going to take a guy, and you're going to give him a shot, and he's going to turn into the fucking Hulk, and then that shot's going to wear off, and his body's going to stay the same. 0.99

02:23:06.000 And it's going to happen. 0.99

02:23:07.000 It's going to happen.

02:23:08.000 They're on their way.

02:23:09.000 There's all sorts of... 0.99

02:23:10.000 Like this thing that Hector Lombard got popped for today, I've never even heard of this shit before. 0.97

02:23:15.000 They're calling it DMT, which is obviously not dimethyltryptamine, but it's... 0.98

02:23:20.000 I'm going to try this.

02:23:22.000 Deso-methyl-testosterone.

02:23:22.000 What if it was?

02:23:33.000 I don't know. 0.93

02:23:40.000 Whatever the fuck that is, I've never even heard of it before. 0.86

02:23:42.000 And so it's apparently a designer anabolic steroid. 0.98

02:23:46.000 So what I think that means is that one of these steroids has been concocted to get around the rules. 0.98

02:23:52.000 Like, you know, they had that shit, the Clear that Barry Bonds was on, the Balco scandal. 0.96

02:23:57.000 That was all about, they devised a steroid that was very similar to... 0.99

02:24:02.000 In efficacy, in the way it worked, but not the same exact molecular structure as, like, anabolic steroids that are common.

02:24:10.000 So they were able to put it on these guys.

02:24:12.000 It was like a lotion.

02:24:14.000 You'd rub it on. 0.99

02:24:14.000 Your body would fucking get crazy. 0.99

02:24:17.000 And they would pass these tests. 0.98

02:24:20.000 You know, the tests are getting way, way more sophisticated.

02:24:22.000 So, who knows? 1.00

02:24:24.000 Lombard must have thought that he couldn't get in trouble for this shit. 1.00

02:24:28.000 I don't know. 1.00

02:24:29.000 I don't understand it.

02:24:30.000 Have you ever tried steroids, Josh?

02:24:32.000 No.

02:24:33.000 I mean, I've had, like, steroid shots.

02:24:35.000 Cortisone shots, right?

02:24:36.000 Yeah, stuff like that, but no. 0.99

02:24:38.000 Dude, they used to have the shit that you could buy, the strongest shit that I ever took, you could buy. 0.97

02:24:42.000 You could buy it in, um, you could buy it in, like, GNC, and it was called Mag10. 1.00

02:24:51.000 It was ridiculous.

02:24:53.000 You take, like, ten pills a day, and you would gain, like, I gained, like, ten pounds of muscle in, like, six weeks of doing it.

02:25:02.000 And this is how I know that it was a total steroid.

02:25:06.000 Because, first of all, now it's illegal.

02:25:08.000 You can't sell it anymore. 0.99

02:25:09.000 But when I got off it, my dick took a vacation. 0.99

02:25:12.000 It's like, see ya, dude. 1.00

02:25:13.000 Like, my testosterone just shut down.

02:25:16.000 It just stopped working.

02:25:17.000 And I was like, whoa, this is crazy.

02:25:19.000 Like, I couldn't get it up. 0.99

02:25:20.000 Like, my dick was broken for, like, two weeks. 1.00

02:25:22.000 That's fucked up. 1.00

02:25:24.000 Good grief, man. 1.00

02:25:26.000 But it's some shit that you could just buy. 0.99

02:25:28.000 There used to be all these loopholes. 0.99

02:25:30.000 You could buy stuff at GNC. You could just buy these things.

02:25:34.000 Is Tribulus still legal?

02:25:36.000 No, that's legal.

02:25:36.000 See, those are very mild.

02:25:38.000 Tribulus and... 0.99

02:25:39.000 It seemed like it still fucked with me. 0.97

02:25:40.000 I remember taking that and then after a couple weeks getting kind of like angry or... 0.92

02:25:45.000 That doesn't really make sense.

02:25:46.000 No?

02:25:46.000 No.

02:25:47.000 Why were you taking it?

02:25:48.000 It's very, very mild.

02:25:49.000 Because I hang out with Joe Rogan, man.

02:25:51.000 LAUGHTER Tribulus is just a root, and it very mildly enhances your body's production of testosterone.

02:26:00.000 There's another one called Tongat Ali that has a similar effect that's also like a plant-based substance that mildly enhances your body's ability to... 0.58

02:26:11.000 But it doesn't fuck with the production of it.

02:26:14.000 The thing about steroids is, what happens is, like, you take something and it just jacks your body's levels of testosterone.

02:26:22.000 So then your body's natural production of testosterone shuts down. 0.85

02:26:26.000 And that's why, like, when I took that Mag10 stuff, like, after I got off of it, my body was like, yeah, dude, I'm not really feeling, like, fucking, we're just gonna, we'll just take a little break here. 0.82

02:26:37.000 I mean, it took two weeks to get your wiener back. 0.81

02:26:40.000 It wasn't really two weeks.

02:26:41.000 It was really, you know, I'm probably exaggerating.

02:26:44.000 How long before you felt like you were maybe, I mean, did you feel any other side effects after going off of it?

02:26:48.000 I felt weak.

02:26:49.000 I felt physically weaker, and then I lost some weight.

02:26:52.000 I lost muscle mass.

02:26:53.000 You gain a certain amount of muscle mass.

02:26:55.000 But there was like a lot of these things that you could just buy.

02:26:58.000 You should just buy them at stores because they were like these loopholes.

02:27:01.000 Like, you know how bath salts exist?

02:27:03.000 Do you know the whole story behind it?

02:27:05.000 It exists, for folks who don't know, because you would take something like crystal meth, which is an absolutely illegal drug, but if you change just one compound, one molecule of that compound, just alter it slightly, and then sell it, no one can say it's illegal because it's not illegal.

02:27:22.000 It's not the same thing anymore.

02:27:23.000 If meth is illegal and then you just tweak it a little bit, like dimethyltryptamine was turned, this is the psychedelic drug, was made illegal in 1970 by the sweeping psychedelic act of 1970. But they missed 5-methoxy dimethyltryptamine,

02:27:39.000 which is actually stronger.

02:27:41.000 This is NN dimethyltryptamine and then 5-methoxy dimethyltryptamine.

02:27:45.000 5-methoxy dimethyltryptamine is like Dimethyltryptamine, like an oxygen molecule attached to it or something like that.

02:27:52.000 So it's just slightly different, but legal. 0.96

02:27:55.000 But if you'd smoked it, you would go to the center of the fucking universe and converge with God in the most epic journey of your life. 0.98

02:28:03.000 I mean, it's like way stronger than mushrooms. 1.00

02:28:06.000 I mean, if you took a good breakthrough dose of 5-MeO-DMT, it'll change you for the rest of your fucking life. 0.99

02:28:13.000 And that was legal. 0.98

02:28:15.000 And it was only legal because it wasn't technically dimethyltryptamine, which was illegal.

02:28:20.000 So that's what this bath salts thing is.

02:28:22.000 They alter the compound slightly, and then they sell it not for human consumption.

02:28:27.000 They say bath salts, and then they sell it at grocery stores or, I mean, you know, 7-Elevens or wherever they want to sell it.

02:28:32.000 Gas stations, mostly, I think.

02:28:34.000 And they can get away with doing that because it's not technically the same drug.

02:28:38.000 And they just keep altering it.

02:28:40.000 Keep tweaking it a little bit here and tweaking it a little bit there with varying results too, which gets really weird.

02:28:47.000 The difference between DMT and 5-MeO DMT is profound in the effects.

02:28:54.000 5-MeO is stronger, but there's no visual experience.

02:28:57.000 The visual is just pure white, and it's like white molecules, like fractal white around you.

02:29:03.000 It doesn't have the visual effect of NN-dimethyltryptamine.

02:29:08.000 NN-dimethyltryptamine, which is what...

02:29:11.000 What ayahuasca is based on.

02:29:13.000 It's very hallucinogenic.

02:29:16.000 The things you see, the visuals are spectacular.

02:29:18.000 The colors are amazing.

02:29:20.000 All those things are missing from 5-MeO, which is like kissing cousins to the same drug.

02:29:26.000 I think one of the things that's wrong with basalts is that Some of them, you know, you tweak it one way or another, and especially on different individuals, they have biodiversity in the way they respond to different drugs. 0.98

02:29:39.000 You have varying effects, like that fucking dude who ate that dude's face off. 0.99

02:29:44.000 Good grief. 1.00

02:29:46.000 Just like zombies.

02:29:47.000 We bring it back to zombies. 1.00

02:29:49.000 How do you remember all that shit, man? 1.00

02:29:52.000 Drugs. 1.00

02:29:53.000 Drugs help me remember it.

02:29:54.000 I take alpha brain.

02:29:56.000 That helps me remember it.

02:29:57.000 You had to have been really good in school.

02:29:59.000 That's terrible in school.

02:30:00.000 That makes no sense because you capture so much information.

02:30:04.000 You were an encyclopedia of knowledge.

02:30:06.000 I was talking to someone the other day, I don't remember who, but I was just like, yeah, he'll start saying something and just like 10 minutes later you're just like, I don't even remember what you said.

02:30:17.000 There was so much information you just threw at me.

02:30:20.000 And it's not like you're like, because for me, I'm always like, yeah, so then there's this one drug and it's like five and something.

02:30:27.000 But anyway, no, you like, I don't know when you learned about all this, but I guarantee it was a while ago and you still can recall it like that.

02:30:35.000 Yeah, but that's only certain things.

02:30:37.000 I admire that.

02:30:38.000 It's only things that I'm interested in.

02:30:40.000 See, I have a photographic memory for some things.

02:30:43.000 Sure. 0.96

02:30:44.000 But for things that I don't give a fuck about, there's no memory. 0.93

02:30:47.000 So that's why he wasn't good in school. 0.99

02:30:48.000 He just didn't give a fuck about it. 0.99

02:30:50.000 Yes. 0.99

02:30:50.000 100%. 0.99

02:30:51.000 I remember teachers that were annoying.

02:30:54.000 I remember funny things that happened in school.

02:30:56.000 I remember things that I learned that I thought was fascinating. 0.98

02:31:00.000 But if I didn't care, my brain only works for shit I care about. 0.96

02:31:06.000 I'm completely reckless in that regard. 0.97

02:31:09.000 I didn't plan for the future at all.

02:31:12.000 Never graduated college.

02:31:14.000 Never thought about it.

02:31:15.000 Never like, man, I need to figure out a way to get a real job.

02:31:18.000 Nope.

02:31:18.000 Nope, not going to do it.

02:31:20.000 From the jump, I went to college for three years completely just so that people didn't think I was a loser.

02:31:27.000 That's the only reason why I went.

02:31:29.000 Barely paid attention. 0.98

02:31:30.000 I went to UMass Boston and just fucking half-assed it. 0.98

02:31:33.000 I didn't even take my SATs because I went out of college. 0.97

02:31:36.000 I took a year off and I was like, well, eventually I'll take my SATs.

02:31:39.000 I'll go to school.

02:31:40.000 I'll get a degree. 0.99

02:31:41.000 I was a bullshit myself. 0.99

02:31:42.000 And then a year later, I was like, I've got to do something. 0.98

02:31:45.000 I can't keep telling people that I'm eventually going to go back to college.

02:31:48.000 So I started going, UMass Boston had this continuing education program where you didn't even have to have SAT scores.

02:31:56.000 You just had to have not failed high school, I guess.

02:31:59.000 I don't remember how it exactly went.

02:32:01.000 But I was wasting my time.

02:32:02.000 I was just going and half-assing it.

02:32:05.000 And then three years in, I think they told me I couldn't come back because my grades are really bad.

02:32:10.000 So I remember I bullshitted and wrote this really eloquent response.

02:32:16.000 And I wrote it all out and I was going to send it in.

02:32:19.000 And then I read it and I was like, if I put half as much effort into school as I did to bullshitting them with this really eloquent letter that I'm writing about, I don't If you want to go to school, then I feel like, I gotta stop.

02:32:32.000 Just stop. 0.99

02:32:33.000 I am not gonna get a fucking normal job. 0.99

02:32:36.000 My parents are completely disappointed in me, but it's okay. 0.99

02:32:38.000 I'm already out of the house, so let's just run with this.

02:32:42.000 They didn't want me doing anything that I ever did, so let me just keep going.

02:32:47.000 So the things that I'm interested in, like back then, if you asked me questions about Taekwondo, which is what I was obsessed with back then.

02:32:54.000 I would be able to tell you everything, where it started, who created it, who invented this technique, who was first successful with this technique, when they changed the variability of how you use your hips.

02:33:05.000 There's one style that does it this way, another style does it that way.

02:33:07.000 This is the benefits of this, this is the benefits of that.

02:33:10.000 I would be able to rattle off anything about things that I was interested in.

02:33:14.000 I have an OCD, obsessive, weird brain, but it's not a good brain for It's not a good brain for remembering to pay your bills.

02:33:29.000 It's not a good brain for, like, if I had a job and, you know, you've got to show effort to be a part of this company.

02:33:35.000 This company is all about co-operation.

02:33:37.000 See that board?

02:33:38.000 We've got our tenants that we abide by. 0.99

02:33:40.000 I've fucking checked out. 0.99

02:33:41.000 Gone. 0.99

02:33:42.000 Second paragraph.

02:33:43.000 I'm already trying to figure out how to make a living delivering newspapers right on the boss or something.

02:33:48.000 That's hilarious.

02:33:49.000 I was horrible in school, man.

02:33:50.000 Of course you were.

02:33:51.000 That's why you're funny. 1.00

02:34:05.000 Most of your grade is your homework, but I'm like, fuck the homework. 0.99

02:34:09.000 And I'd come in and ace my test and just barely pass with a C, you know, because I would at least get a little bit. 0.97

02:34:15.000 And so then in college, they don't care if you do your homework or not.

02:34:19.000 You don't get graded on that.

02:34:19.000 So I was getting great grades in college.

02:34:22.000 I just barely get by by just doing the homework.

02:34:25.000 Or by acing the test.

02:34:27.000 You just have a really good brain.

02:34:28.000 I mean, that's what it is.

02:34:29.000 Yeah.

02:34:29.000 Your brain works.

02:34:30.000 I slept all day.

02:34:31.000 I would stay up and watch Tonight Show, Johnny Carson, and I'd watch Letterman, and then I would watch whatever was after that, and then go to bed like four in the morning, wake up at six, Go to school, sleep in every single class.

02:34:43.000 That's why I wear a hat.

02:34:44.000 I'd just sit down and be like this.

02:34:45.000 You know, I'd just be like...

02:34:46.000 You know, and then somehow I just got C's.

02:34:50.000 I got C's all through high school.

02:34:52.000 The problem with high school is that it's being taught by people that are not making any money. 0.96

02:34:57.000 Nobody gives a fuck about them. 0.79

02:34:59.000 You only hear about them when they make mistakes. 0.79

02:35:01.000 Nobody's praising teachers for being amazing and being inspirational.

02:35:04.000 It's so rare that teachers get any props.

02:35:07.000 They're not financially compensated.

02:35:09.000 Even though they have one of the most important roles in a child's development, they're not considered significant. 1.00

02:35:16.000 It's a stupid fucking thing that we've done. 0.99

02:35:19.000 We've created these really arcane, shitty, ineffective systems for education. 1.00

02:35:23.000 And it's rare that you get one that's great. 0.99

02:35:25.000 I mean, when you find a good school district, man, people fucking sell their houses, move to these neighborhoods. 0.80

02:35:29.000 They do whatever they can to be involved. 0.82

02:35:30.000 They start signing their kid up right when they're born, just to get into kindergarten.

02:35:34.000 They do whatever they can to get their kid into a good school system.

02:35:37.000 And then the argument of not paying the teachers.

02:35:39.000 Well, we don't want to pay them a lot of money and then attract the wrong kind of people.

02:35:42.000 What does that mean? 0.98

02:35:43.000 What the fuck does that mean, man? 1.00

02:35:45.000 It is so stupid. 1.00

02:35:47.000 It's very aggravating. 1.00

02:35:49.000 I have several teachers in my family, and it's very frustrating to see the struggles that they go through and not having enough money in the budget to buy the frickin' materials they need to teach the kids the curriculum.

02:36:01.000 And that's not just like...

02:36:03.000 Centralized to that school district.

02:36:05.000 It is like nationwide.

02:36:07.000 It's got to be fun because kids like to play.

02:36:11.000 Like, here's the thing. 0.97

02:36:12.000 One of the things that drives me fucking bananas is this idea that kids that are bored in class have a disease. 0.99

02:36:19.000 He's got ADHD, OCD. He's got something. 0.99

02:36:27.000 He's not sitting.

02:36:28.000 You're not supposed to sit!

02:36:30.000 Okay, little kids are supposed to be playing, and they have energy. 1.00

02:36:33.000 Dude, I have little kids, and my six-year-old, she's a fucking bundle of energy. 1.00

02:36:38.000 They literally will run around the house screaming. 0.99

02:36:42.000 The six and the four.

02:36:43.000 They get together and they go, Ah!

02:36:46.000 And they just run.

02:36:47.000 It's like they have a flame inside them they need to burn off.

02:36:50.000 And you make a little kid sit in a class and pay attention.

02:36:54.000 Pay attention, Joshua.

02:36:56.000 Joshua, up here on the board.

02:36:57.000 I want your eyes up here.

02:36:59.000 And you're like, oh my god, I've got to get out of here.

02:37:00.000 Your body's freaking out.

02:37:02.000 Your body is literally freaking out. 0.97

02:37:04.000 You just want to get the Get the fuck out of here! 1.00

02:37:07.000 And meanwhile, you got a video game in your pocket you want to play, or you got a fucking comic book you want to read that's way more stimulating and interesting than this horse shit. 1.00

02:37:17.000 This fucking lady's talking to you in Spanish. 1.00

02:37:19.000 We're in America, bitch! 1.00

02:37:20.000 Okay? 1.00

02:37:21.000 No, no, no, no!

02:37:22.000 I don't want to hear it!

02:37:23.000 I don't want to hear it!

02:37:24.000 I gotta get out of here!

02:37:25.000 And that's most kids through high school. 1.00

02:37:28.000 You're fucking, whether it's math or English or fucking history, you don't want to be doing that right then. 0.99

02:37:36.000 And, you know, the idea is that they're going to teach you discipline. 1.00

02:37:38.000 You're going to sit there. 1.00

02:37:39.000 No, they're going to turn you into a goddamn zombie. 1.00

02:37:41.000 That's what they're going to do. 1.00

02:37:42.000 They're going to turn you into a cubicle zombie. 0.98

02:37:44.000 And if you let them, they will do it.

02:37:47.000 Or if you resist, you can find your way out of the system. 1.00

02:37:50.000 But the idea that you're not intelligent unless you follow this ridiculous curriculum that turns you into a worker bee is fucking stupid. 1.00

02:37:58.000 It's a stupid, shitty plan that they've been following for a long fucking time. 1.00

02:38:05.000 And it doesn't work on everybody. 1.00

02:38:07.000 You're different than me.

02:38:08.000 I'm different than you. 0.99

02:38:09.000 We're fucking different. 0.97

02:38:11.000 And every kid needs a different approach to absorbing information. 0.98

02:38:14.000 That's right.

02:38:15.000 And you're going to have interests that I don't have.

02:38:17.000 You know, like we're talking about video editing. 0.96

02:38:19.000 If I had to go to fucking school or I had to become a video editor, I'm not interested in it. 0.97

02:38:24.000 It's not... 0.99

02:38:25.000 I have no fascination.

02:38:26.000 Like if you had to become a professional pool player, you have no fascination with it.

02:38:31.000 It's like you...

02:38:31.000 We all vary in our personality, in our...

02:38:35.000 Life experiences and in what we're attracted to.

02:38:38.000 And some people are going to be attracted to different things.

02:38:41.000 I believe that children should absolutely learn the basic building blocks.

02:38:45.000 Every kid should learn how to write.

02:38:47.000 You should learn how to read.

02:38:48.000 You should learn how to count.

02:38:49.000 You should learn about the important facets of history.

02:38:52.000 Agreed! 0.99

02:38:53.000 But the idea that every fucking kid should follow the same curriculum in the same way. 0.99

02:38:53.000 Everyone. 0.99

02:38:58.000 And how come nobody ever takes kids that are fucking antsy or that crack jokes all the time Nobody ever pulls him aside and goes, hey man, you should be a fucking comic. 0.99

02:39:08.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:39:08.000 Like, you know, you could be a comic. 0.99

02:39:09.000 There's thousands of them.

02:39:11.000 Like, we're not talking about be the president.

02:39:11.000 Yeah.

02:39:13.000 I ain't gonna be the president when I grow up. 1.00

02:39:15.000 Listen, bitch, there's one fucking president. 1.00

02:39:17.000 One. 1.00

02:39:18.000 350 million people, one guy gets to be president.

02:39:20.000 Good luck. 1.00

02:39:21.000 That's a shitty fucking job proposition. 1.00

02:39:23.000 Your odds suck. 1.00

02:39:23.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:39:25.000 But, the odds of being a comedian?

02:39:27.000 Not bad.

02:39:28.000 Right.

02:39:29.000 If you're actually funny, you can...

02:39:31.000 Oh, you're...

02:39:31.000 Listen.

02:39:32.000 Johnny, sit down. 1.00

02:39:33.000 You're a fuck-up. 1.00

02:39:34.000 Here's the good news. 1.00

02:39:35.000 So was Bill Cosby.

02:39:36.000 So was Sam Kinison.

02:39:38.000 That's right.

02:39:38.000 So was Richard Pryor.

02:39:40.000 So was Eddie Murphy. 1.00

02:39:41.000 They're all fuck-ups, okay? 1.00

02:39:43.000 The fuck-ups are comics. 0.99

02:39:44.000 That's not all comics, you know? 0.90

02:39:47.000 I'm sure there's probably comics that were really studious and did great and had good grades. 0.96

02:39:50.000 A lot of us were fuck-ups. 0.97

02:39:53.000 That's right. 0.99

02:39:54.000 That's right. 1.00

02:39:55.000 God damn it. 1.00

02:39:55.000 Brian, he's right. 1.00

02:39:57.000 I guess.

02:40:04.000 It's so funny how many...

02:40:06.000 I always see these speeches people put from this podcast and inspirational videos and stuff like that.

02:40:14.000 You just had one the other day on Break.com.

02:40:16.000 I don't know if you know where somebody took you doing kind of like what you just did, but put it together with the videos and stuff.

02:40:25.000 It's so amazing how many people listen to those.

02:40:27.000 And they're all over my Facebook nowadays.

02:40:32.000 Well, I hope they help.

02:40:34.000 I hope they do.

02:40:35.000 I don't do it because I hope someone's going to make a video out of it.

02:40:35.000 I don't mean it.

02:40:38.000 I do it because I'm frustrated.

02:40:39.000 I'm frustrated by people that I know that are just living in hell.

02:40:43.000 I know too many people that just, they've been lied to.

02:40:46.000 And they don't have anybody around them that tells them any different.

02:40:49.000 They don't have anybody around them that tells them, man, there's a lot of paths in this life.

02:40:53.000 There's a lot of people that start their own businesses.

02:40:55.000 There's a lot of people that sell art or become landscapers or do things that they enjoy or become hunting guides or become someone who takes people on hiking tours. 0.71

02:41:08.000 There's a lot There's a lot of fucking different things to do in this life. 1.00

02:41:11.000 And everyone gets lumped into these same paths and they're just shoving us in like fucking cattle into these packed in paths where everybody wants to put that stupid hat on with the tassels. 1.00

02:41:26.000 I got my paper that says I'm not retarded. 1.00

02:41:29.000 It's fucking crazy, man. 1.00

02:41:31.000 And you die just like everybody else dies. 1.00

02:41:34.000 You live and you die.

02:41:35.000 All you're supposed to be trying to do is make enough money to get by and be happy with what you're doing. 1.00

02:41:40.000 And you're going to like different shit. 1.00

02:41:42.000 You're going to like different shit. 1.00

02:41:44.000 Yeah, it's ridiculous. 1.00

02:41:47.000 What are they called? 0.97

02:41:48.000 The counselors or whatever? 1.00

02:41:50.000 The woman told me I was too stupid to go to college and then I shouldn't think about going into the military, which pissed me off because, you know, that's stupid. 1.00

02:41:59.000 But military or learning a trade. 1.00

02:42:02.000 That's what they told me.

02:42:03.000 I need to learn a trade.

02:42:04.000 Okay.

02:42:05.000 I need to learn a trade.

02:42:06.000 Well, neither of those interest me. 1.00

02:42:08.000 Fuck. 1.00

02:42:08.000 You should learn how to kill people, Josh McDermott. 1.00

02:42:11.000 You're too stupid to go to college. 1.00

02:42:12.000 You can't sell insurance. 1.00

02:42:13.000 You should be out shooting strangers. 0.99

02:42:15.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:42:16.000 For Uncle Sam.

02:42:19.000 That's what they told me, man.

02:42:20.000 I had horrible conversations with high school guidance counselors.

02:42:24.000 No hope.

02:42:26.000 There's no hope.

02:42:26.000 You don't pay attention in school.

02:42:28.000 Nancy Klesner.

02:42:29.000 That was her name.

02:42:30.000 It was killing me.

02:42:31.000 Nancy Klesner.

02:42:32.000 Tell me about Nancy a lot.

02:42:34.000 She was a large woman.

02:42:36.000 She, um, I don't know, when you're a kid, I don't think you really know how old people are, but she was probably mid to late 40s at the time.

02:42:43.000 She's probably buried right next to John Candy.

02:42:45.000 Oh my god. 1.00

02:42:45.000 When she's a fat fuck. 1.00

02:42:48.000 In the casket, they put a suitcase full of snacks with her. 1.00

02:42:52.000 Extra support.

02:42:53.000 But she, you know, yeah, it's like, but, okay, so she tells that to me.

02:42:56.000 Who else did she tell that to? 0.99

02:42:58.000 It's horrible.

02:42:58.000 You know, and it's like, I... I thankfully kind of figured it out on my own, but how many people don't really figure it out that they just take that advice and go, oh shit, well I guess I should go learn to be a mechanic.

02:43:09.000 Look, the world needs mechanics. 0.94

02:43:10.000 I get that. 1.00

02:43:11.000 But you can't just tell someone that's their lot in life because they're too stupid or something. 0.99

02:43:17.000 I mean, there's some mechanics that are very brilliant. 1.00

02:43:19.000 I'm sure there's some stupid ones too. 0.96

02:43:21.000 Yeah, and there's some mechanics that wanted to be mechanics because they love cars. 1.00

02:43:25.000 They enjoy it.

02:43:26.000 They get the thrill out of revving engines and figuring out how to make things run better and figuring out how to connect parts.

02:43:31.000 I like working on cars, but I don't want to do that for a living.

02:43:34.000 You know?

02:43:35.000 Right.

02:43:35.000 This is the idea that this woman can do that to you.

02:43:38.000 It's so disappointing that that person, if that was my fucking kid, I would scream at that lady. 1.00

02:43:44.000 If you came home and, you know, you told me that some lady told you you were too stupid to go to college and you had to be a mechanic or a fucking soldier, I would scream at that lady. 1.00

02:43:53.000 I would want her fired. 1.00

02:43:54.000 I'm like, you fucking monster. 1.00

02:43:56.000 Like, you know, you're planting seeds in these kids. 1.00

02:43:58.000 You're telling a child they're too dumb. 1.00

02:44:00.000 How smart are you that you got fat and you're working as a guidance counselor? 1.00

02:44:04.000 You fucking dumbass. 1.00

02:44:06.000 You ain't thinking shit through. 1.00

02:44:08.000 I know if I came home and told my dad that, you know, I didn't, but I know if I did, he probably just would have been, well, what branch do you want to go into? 0.98

02:44:15.000 Like, that would have been his response, you know?

02:44:18.000 That's probably why I didn't say anything. 0.99

02:44:19.000 Yeah, my stepfathers thought for sure I was going to be like a fucking construction worker or something. 0.98

02:44:24.000 They didn't have a lot of faith in me. 0.99

02:44:25.000 But when you're coming home with all shit grades, they knew I was good at drawing. 0.98

02:44:30.000 So like there's thoughts that I would be an artist. 0.98

02:44:32.000 But then when I wasn't even into art, and once I started to get into martial arts, I wasn't even into art anymore.

02:44:36.000 So there's this transitionary period between the age of 15 to like 17 where there wasn't a lot of shit going on in my life where they were really worried about me.

02:44:46.000 Then I started winning all these Taekwondo tournaments and they were like, okay, he's doing something good.

02:44:50.000 But even then they were worried about that and it was totally discouraging.

02:44:54.000 They never saw me fight once.

02:44:56.000 I probably fought.

02:44:57.000 I probably had a hundred amateur fights and my parents never saw one of them.

02:45:01.000 Not one.

02:45:02.000 Yeah.

02:45:03.000 I'm surprised you got out of the art because you were so good at it at such a young age.

02:45:08.000 I mean, like, way better than most people.

02:45:10.000 Well, I told you what happened. 0.85

02:45:11.000 I had a really shitty art teacher in high school. 1.00

02:45:13.000 An asshole. 1.00

02:45:14.000 He was just a really angry, bitter guy. 1.00

02:45:16.000 He was just this pot-bellied dummy that had given up on life. 0.99

02:45:20.000 He was just, this is this guy. 0.98

02:45:21.000 This is my impression of my art teacher in high school.

02:45:25.000 That's how he was.

02:45:25.000 That was his energy.

02:45:27.000 And he didn't like me.

02:45:28.000 He didn't like me because I had a lot of energy.

02:45:32.000 I was dynamic. 0.97

02:45:33.000 I wanted to just fucking run through walls. 0.97

02:45:35.000 I mean, I was wired when I was a kid. 0.99

02:45:37.000 And everything I would draw was like dragons eating villages, and it was all like fucking people running for their lives, getting hacked to death by swords. 1.00

02:45:44.000 I was an angry kid, and I drew a lot of crazy shit. 1.00

02:45:47.000 Werewolves tearing apart ribcages. 1.00

02:45:49.000 That was what I drew.

02:45:51.000 That's what interested you.

02:45:52.000 He's like, you've got to stop doing that.

02:45:53.000 But that's what I like.

02:45:54.000 I like that kind of stuff.

02:45:56.000 I remember him saying this to me.

02:45:57.000 Well, if you get a job as an illustrator, you're going to perhaps have to draw something that you don't enjoy drawing.

02:46:03.000 Like, maybe you'll have to do a diaper ad.

02:46:05.000 So you're going to have to learn that.

02:46:05.000 Okay?

02:46:06.000 I remember...

02:46:08.000 I'm out.

02:46:08.000 That's it.

02:46:09.000 I'm not doing diaper ads.

02:46:10.000 And so I stopped drawing.

02:46:11.000 Wow.

02:46:12.000 Yeah.

02:46:12.000 I remember this guy was just so negative and influential because enthusiasm is very influential, but negativity is also influential.

02:46:24.000 And I was connecting this world of failure to this guy's path. 0.98

02:46:29.000 And I was like, well, I don't want to be an art teacher like this fucking shithead, just working with a bunch of people and squashing their dreams. 0.99

02:46:36.000 Because it wasn't like I wasn't talented. 0.99

02:46:38.000 Like, I still have those images.

02:46:40.000 And I've put some of them up on Instagram. 0.99

02:46:42.000 This is the shit I drew in 1983. I was in high school. 0.99

02:46:47.000 I have some of these pictures.

02:46:48.000 So I know I was talented. 0.99

02:46:50.000 And this guy just was a douchebag. 0.97

02:46:52.000 And he just gave me negative energy. 1.00

02:46:55.000 And so I was very insecure and very young and just dumb. 0.91

02:47:00.000 And I just stayed away. 0.78

02:47:04.000 I didn't even take art my senior year in high school.

02:47:06.000 And that was my whole path.

02:47:08.000 My whole path in life was I was going to be a comic book illustrator.

02:47:10.000 I was going to be like those guys that did the X-Men or the Incredible Hulk.

02:47:15.000 That was my idea.

02:47:16.000 I could do that. 0.99

02:47:17.000 And I really could have done it, but I was just so turned off by shitty teachers. 0.99

02:47:21.000 You can't squash kids. 0.99

02:47:23.000 It's terrible.

02:47:24.000 You can't do it.

02:47:25.000 It's the worst thing ever, man.

02:47:26.000 And it's so common.

02:47:27.000 It's so common.

02:47:28.000 Happens all the time.

02:47:30.000 Ari Shaffir has a joke about it.

02:47:32.000 It's one of his new bits about Notorious B.I.G. When Biggie was young, he had this rap, to all the teachers who told me I ain't gonna grow up to be shit. 0.99

02:47:44.000 I don't want to say anymore because it's a really funny joke and I don't want to give any of the joke away, but he has this whole bit about these teachers telling him that he wasn't gonna be shit, that Notorious B.I.G. wasn't gonna be shit. 0.99

02:47:57.000 Imagine. 1.00

02:47:58.000 It's ridiculous, man. 1.00

02:47:59.000 It's fucking common, man, because people don't have vision, and they don't have... 0.99

02:48:02.000 How could we have known Josh McDermott on that one day in Phoenix that you would grow up to be the man who's on my favorite show? 0.99

02:48:09.000 My second favorite show, I'm going to be honest with you.

02:48:11.000 Game of Thrones is number one.

02:48:12.000 But you guys are so strong.

02:48:14.000 It's like one A and one B. It's like right up there.

02:48:17.000 Hey man, I've talked to a couple of their actors and they're fans of our show just as much as we're fans of theirs.

02:48:23.000 Well, that's nice.

02:48:23.000 Good for you.

02:48:24.000 It's okay.

02:48:25.000 It's okay, man.

02:48:26.000 Look, you're on one of the best shows ever.

02:48:27.000 In my opinion, if there's a top ten of my favorite shows of all time, you're on it.

02:48:31.000 Who could have ever predicted that?

02:48:32.000 Top five.

02:48:33.000 Okay.

02:48:34.000 What do you got?

02:48:35.000 Top five.

02:48:36.000 Sopranos.

02:48:36.000 I'm not going to make you name ten.

02:48:38.000 Sopranos.

02:48:39.000 Game of Thrones.

02:48:40.000 Walking Dead.

02:48:42.000 Dexter First Season.

02:48:44.000 South Park, always.

02:48:44.000 South Park.

02:48:46.000 Yeah.

02:48:46.000 What else?

02:48:49.000 Hmm.

02:48:50.000 I'd have to go back.

02:48:51.000 That was five.

02:48:53.000 Yeah, that was five. 1.00

02:48:54.000 I'd have to go back through my entire viewing history and think shit. 0.99

02:48:59.000 Oh, Homeland is pretty goddamn good. 0.99

02:49:02.000 Even that show took a... 0.91

02:49:05.000 I think you took a dip?

02:49:05.000 Dip.

02:49:06.000 I don't remember.

02:49:07.000 I don't know what season we're in now.

02:49:09.000 I watched it all on Amazon, so I don't know.

02:49:11.000 I didn't watch the last season.

02:49:11.000 The last season's not as good?

02:49:13.000 I don't know.

02:49:14.000 I'm not current.

02:49:14.000 How dare you flip-flopper?

02:49:15.000 I've watched like two or three seasons, but I feel like...

02:49:18.000 Like, part of the second season, I'm going like, I don't care what's going on.

02:49:23.000 Like, I care about Saul.

02:49:25.000 Yeah.

02:49:25.000 But I don't care about Carrie and Brody.

02:49:30.000 I bet she fucks like a wild animal. 1.00

02:49:32.000 Those crazy ones. 1.00

02:49:34.000 You know? 0.98

02:49:35.000 The crazy ones, they know how to throw. 0.89

02:49:38.000 They trick you.

02:49:38.000 Yeah.

02:49:40.000 That's a good show, though.

02:49:42.000 It's not as good as Walking Dead.

02:49:44.000 And it's definitely not as good...

02:49:45.000 Well, it's great in moments.

02:49:49.000 In moments, it's fantastic.

02:49:50.000 But I call shows, man. 0.99

02:49:52.000 It's fucking hard. 0.97

02:49:53.000 Keeping a show so solid... 0.97

02:49:57.000 Episode after episode, season after season, it's got to be one of the most difficult things to do.

02:50:02.000 It's tough.

02:50:03.000 Like Lost.

02:50:04.000 I remember the last season of Lost, I was totally done.

02:50:08.000 I was so done, I didn't even watch the final episode. 1.00

02:50:10.000 I was like, fuck you. 1.00

02:50:12.000 I checked out. 1.00

02:50:13.000 I was angry at it.

02:50:14.000 That's what I did with Dexter.

02:50:15.000 The last episode, I didn't watch until recently.

02:50:18.000 I watched the whole series and didn't watch the last episode.

02:50:22.000 I heard it was so bad.

02:50:23.000 It ended better than you would imagine.

02:50:27.000 But Lost, if you really re-watch Lost and pay attention to what you know you're supposed to pay attention to, it really changes the show.

02:50:35.000 It really makes it a lot better.

02:50:37.000 Yeah, that kind of makes sense. 0.97

02:50:39.000 I just read something online about one of the writers was at a dinner party and they were talking to him about all the crazy shit that was inserted into the show, the polar bears or whatever. 0.72

02:50:50.000 There's so many things that didn't tie up. 0.82

02:50:53.000 At the end, and he said, yeah, we never had any intention of justifying it.

02:50:57.000 It was just, we were literally throwing in whatever.

02:51:00.000 Just freaking me out. 0.99

02:51:02.000 Smoke monsters and shit. 0.99

02:51:03.000 I love that. 1.00

02:51:04.000 I absolutely love that.

02:51:05.000 There were some great moments in that show.

02:51:07.000 There were some great moments in that show, but it was rabidly inconsistent.

02:51:10.000 As was Dexter.

02:51:11.000 Like, Dexter first season.

02:51:12.000 You know when Dexter went downhill?

02:51:14.000 He went downhill when that dude stopped lifting weights.

02:51:16.000 Because the first season, he looked like a killer. 1.00

02:51:18.000 He looked like a guy who could grab people and strangle them and beat their asses and stab them. 1.00

02:51:22.000 And then he started getting, like, scrawny. 1.00

02:51:24.000 Was that because he had cancer, though?

02:51:25.000 Yeah, whatever.

02:51:26.000 Excuses, excuses.

02:51:30.000 You got a little leukemia? 1.00

02:51:32.000 Walk it off, pussy. 1.00

02:51:34.000 I don't mean this, ladies and gentlemen. 1.00

02:51:38.000 All right, we should probably wrap this bitch up. 1.00

02:51:40.000 I think we're out of time. 1.00

02:51:41.000 Josh motherfucking McDermott! 0.99

02:51:43.000 Dude, thanks for having me on. 0.99

02:51:44.000 Thanks for being on.

02:51:45.000 And don't quit comedy. 0.98

02:51:47.000 You're too fucking funny. 0.98

02:51:47.000 I'm not quitting. 0.98

02:51:48.000 I know, it's easy.

02:51:50.000 You got a nice cushy gig on The Walking Dead.

02:51:52.000 You got a show tonight?

02:51:53.000 Where can people see you?

02:51:55.000 I'm not promoting it, actually.

02:51:56.000 I don't know where it is.

02:51:57.000 It's in Long Beach.

02:51:58.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

02:51:59.000 Long Beach.

02:52:00.000 Just Google it.

02:52:01.000 You'll find them.

02:52:02.000 It's probably at the Laugh Factory in Long Beach.

02:52:04.000 Is that where it is?

02:52:05.000 It's like a one-night show.

02:52:05.000 It's not that.

02:52:07.000 Oh, some weirdo spot.

02:52:08.000 All right, my friend.

02:52:09.000 You can follow Josh.

02:52:11.000 I found it on RubMaps.

02:52:14.000 You can follow Josh on Twitter.

02:52:17.000 It is Josh McDermott.

02:52:20.000 D-E-R-M-I-T-T. Oh, yeah. 1.00

02:52:24.000 And do you have a website?

02:52:26.000 I do.

02:52:27.000 JoshMcDermott.com.

02:52:29.000 Oh.

02:52:30.000 Shazam.

02:52:30.000 Instagram and Facebook.

02:52:31.000 It's all just Josh McDermott. 0.98

02:52:32.000 And watch him on the motherfucking Walking Dead. 1.00

02:52:35.000 Goddamn, son. 1.00

02:52:36.000 Congratulations. 1.00

02:52:37.000 It is really fucking cool to see you on TV. Thanks, dude.

02:52:37.000 Thanks, man.

02:52:39.000 I haven't separated you from the character, though.

02:52:41.000 I'm enjoying your character, which I thought was weird because I know you as a human being.

02:52:45.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:52:45.000 But, you know, I'm like, that's fucking Josh. 0.99

02:52:48.000 But it's alright. 0.99

02:52:50.000 It doesn't take away from the enjoyment at all.

02:52:53.000 I accept you as this wacky fake scientist dude, but I still know it's you.

02:52:58.000 It's awesome.

02:52:59.000 Brian, anything coming up?

02:53:00.000 Friday, Ice House. 1.00

02:53:02.000 Friday at the Ice House, you fucks. 1.00

02:53:03.000 Judah Freelander, I think, might be doing it. 0.99

02:53:05.000 Go there.

02:53:06.000 Be a part of that.

02:53:07.000 Get some.

02:53:08.000 Nice. 0.98

02:53:09.000 You savages.

02:53:10.000 Much love, my friends.

02:53:11.000 See you soon.

02:53:12.000 Bye.

02:53:16.000 Oh, ciao!

The Joe Rogan Experience - February 10, 2015

Joe Rogan Experience #611 - Josh McDermitt

Episode Stats

Summary

Transcript