The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #615 - Greg Fitzsimmons

00:00:17.000 Yes!

00:00:21.000 We're back, ladies and gentlemen, with Greg Fitzsimmons.

00:00:23.000 He's writing a letter to Santa right now.

00:00:26.000 Please!

00:00:27.000 It's not too late!

00:00:29.000 Next year.

00:00:30.000 It's always next year.

00:00:31.000 I was thinking about Santa with the elves.

00:00:35.000 Isn't there a funny metaphor that he's got all these little elves working to make children's toys for no money, and then you think about our toys do come from China? 0.99

00:00:43.000 That is kind of fucked up, but Chinese people aren't elves, dude. 0.99

00:00:45.000 They're children. 1.00

00:00:46.000 How rude.

00:00:47.000 Some of them are, you're right.

00:00:48.000 Some of them are making the toys.

00:00:49.000 Yeah.

00:00:50.000 Little elf children. 1.00

00:00:51.000 That is kind of fucked up. 1.00

00:00:52.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:00:53.000 The whole idea of getting a bunch of people to work for way less than they would ever make here is kind of a weird accepted thing that we have as far as our items, our electronics, and the things that we love. 0.98

00:01:07.000 Almost all of them are made by people in another country working for shit money. 1.00

00:01:13.000 That's NAFTA, man. 0.99

00:01:14.000 We opened it up.

00:01:15.000 Is that what it is?

00:01:16.000 The WTO, too?

00:01:17.000 Yeah.

00:01:17.000 Or a trade organization?

00:01:19.000 Yeah, it's basically, you know, there used to be slavery, and with slavery, you paid the help nothing, or very little, and you had to house them, and you had to feed them, and you had to heal them.

00:01:29.000 You go to a third world country, it's slavery, but you don't have to deal with any of the overhead. 1.00

00:01:34.000 Yeah, because they don't really care if they own you all the time.

00:01:37.000 They just care if they own you enough so that you show up and do what you have to do.

00:01:42.000 Exactly.

00:01:43.000 Like the idea that you're just free to wander around and quit and come back, but...

00:01:47.000 If you keep them in economic slavery, they're essentially always going to be enslaved.

00:01:52.000 Well, that's what Mark said.

00:01:54.000 Capitalism depends on a certain percentage of the population being hardcore unemployables so that you can always say there's somebody else.

00:02:04.000 That's weird.

00:02:05.000 It's weird because I like the idea that people can do whatever they want to do with their life.

00:02:10.000 They can make whatever choices they would like to make.

00:02:13.000 They can take on any job they want.

00:02:16.000 But it's strange when you think of someone who's so far ahead of the game, like some Warren Buffett type character.

00:02:24.000 Not him.

00:02:24.000 I don't know what kind of business he owns.

00:02:26.000 Sam Walton.

00:02:27.000 Some dude. 0.99

00:02:28.000 Let's make up some fucking billionaire character who decides he can make X amount more per year if they open up a shop in Guatemala. 0.98

00:02:38.000 And they just close up that one they have here in the States. 0.99

00:02:41.000 A little too pricey.

00:02:42.000 This one's going to make us, you know, X amount more on the dollar.

00:02:46.000 Yeah.

00:02:46.000 And probably he will never even notice it.

00:02:48.000 Oh, it's a fucking... 1.00

00:02:49.000 It's another zero in a column in one of his... 1.00

00:02:53.000 And the crazy thing is, is that...

00:02:56.000 I don't know.

00:02:57.000 I'm not super wealthy, but if I was, I would really be thinking about a different agenda than making more.

00:03:02.000 You really look at the people that create an economy within their own country, within their own community, and at the same time, live the life that they'll never fucking eat that money up anyway.

00:03:17.000 I mean, look at you.

00:03:18.000 You got your own little economy.

00:03:20.000 You got a little podcast coming off of yours and you got people that work for you and comedians that you bring on the road and, you know, it's everywhere.

00:03:28.000 It's almost like, you know, I hate that expression that Obama used when he was in office about small businesses.

00:03:36.000 You didn't do that alone.

00:03:37.000 You didn't do that by yourself.

00:03:38.000 Right.

00:03:39.000 But the reality is, his point was right.

00:03:43.000 And it's right with everything.

00:03:44.000 Like, you can't sell iPhones if no one shows up for work at the factory.

00:03:49.000 Right. 1.00

00:03:49.000 If everyone goes, fuck you, you can't pay me 25 cents an hour, fuck you, then we don't have iPhones anymore. 1.00

00:03:56.000 But because we know that these people are poor, not we, we don't have any iPhone factories, but because they know these people are poor, they can continue doing that. 1.00

00:03:56.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:04:06.000 Yeah.

00:04:06.000 That's so weird.

00:04:08.000 That's so weird.

00:04:09.000 They're jumping off the building so much they have nets around them.

00:04:13.000 Is that right?

00:04:14.000 You didn't know that?

00:04:15.000 Oh my god, dude.

00:04:15.000 No.

00:04:16.000 The Foxconn factories are terrifying because those people live there.

00:04:20.000 They have dormitories there, they eat there, live there, sleep there, and they have nets all around them.

00:04:25.000 And this is where it gets really weird.

00:04:26.000 You know, there's always going to be people who on the hardcore right will always argue towards whatever is like economically best for the company.

00:04:36.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:04:37.000 You know, they'll somehow or another come up with some justification for what Kind of damage tapping an oil well do or oil spills or this kind of shit. 0.81

00:04:45.000 But this guy said to me, he goes, well, you know, if you look at the numbers, it's actually very similar to the number of people that commit suicide in an overall population. 0.95

00:04:54.000 Because you got to look at it.

00:04:55.000 There's like 500,000 people working at this factory.

00:04:58.000 Yeah.

00:04:59.000 I just made that up.

00:04:59.000 Or some crazy number.

00:05:00.000 We should find out what the actual number is.

00:05:03.000 But it's some nutty number like that.

00:05:04.000 You're talking about there's one factory complex that has a half a million people there?

00:05:09.000 I don't think it's a half a million.

00:05:10.000 But it might be 50,000.

00:05:10.000 I made that up.

00:05:13.000 Whatever it is.

00:05:14.000 There's so many people that work there that the amount of people that commit suicide on the job are directly proportioned to a normal city.

00:05:23.000 Which is okay, I get it.

00:05:25.000 But how many people kill themselves at work?

00:05:29.000 If I was going to go down...

00:05:32.000 It'd be at my job.

00:05:33.000 I'm taking a couple people with me.

00:05:36.000 I really think suicide is... 0.83

00:05:37.000 The only reason I would kill myself is that I wanted to kill some other people and I don't want to do the time. 1.00

00:05:44.000 God damn. 0.99

00:05:46.000 That's what a lot of people do when they know the jig is up. 1.00

00:05:48.000 Yep. 1.00

00:05:49.000 Just put that gun in their head. 1.00

00:05:50.000 Bam. 1.00

00:05:52.000 How's that feeling?

00:05:53.000 Oof.

00:05:54.000 Imagine that moment before you committed suicide.

00:05:57.000 Jesus Christ.

00:05:58.000 How high your heart rate would be pacing dealing with your own mortality.

00:06:02.000 The biggest question.

00:06:05.000 And we both know people who've done it.

00:06:07.000 Right.

00:06:08.000 You know, I know two people that did it.

00:06:11.000 I know one guy that did it pretty well.

00:06:13.000 I knew him pretty well.

00:06:14.000 He was a really nice guy.

00:06:16.000 It was really disturbing.

00:06:17.000 It really hurt.

00:06:18.000 Like, you know, you hear that someone was in such pain, they put a gun to their head. 0.99

00:06:22.000 You're like, damn, I really like that guy. 1.00

00:06:24.000 Like, that's fucked. 1.00

00:06:25.000 Like, I don't know what tipped left or right in his chemical makeup or his life situation, his circumstances, whatever it was. 1.00

00:06:34.000 But goddamn, that's a sad, sad thing. 0.98

00:06:39.000 That the game gets so far gone that you're like, I just gotta pull the plug. 0.99

00:06:43.000 I just gotta flip the board over.

00:06:45.000 This is never gonna work out.

00:06:47.000 Because the instinct to not kill yourself is so strong that the pain that would make you do it must just be something you can't imagine.

00:06:56.000 You know, I've talked to quite a few people now with what you would call depression or have had depression and overcome it or have had any sort of mental issues and had to take medication for it and overcome it.

00:07:10.000 And I just think we vary so much, man.

00:07:15.000 I think our minds and what we can do, our norm, what makes us happy, whatever your state is, what you need to achieve to get out of the muck, the down feeling, and what another person needs to achieve could be very different.

00:07:31.000 You know, it's just like everything else, like people that are tall, people that are short, freckles, whatever the fuck it is, we vary so much that we gotta be really careful when we, like, look at, like, how could he do that?

00:07:41.000 He had such a good life.

00:07:42.000 Like, yeah, might have been a good life for you on the outside.

00:07:46.000 But that guy was in, like, some sort of chemical hell all the time.

00:07:49.000 Yeah, the exterior maybe doesn't have much to do with the interior.

00:07:52.000 I mean, if you talk about the statistics of people committing suicide, I wonder if it's not about the same in the lower class as it is in the upper class.

00:08:00.000 I wonder.

00:08:01.000 You know, I mean, I don't I don't I don't know if that's really the factor because I think there's quite a few people like they said Mexico is one of the happiest countries on Earth.

00:08:10.000 It was also like not a very wealthy country.

00:08:13.000 It's a community.

00:08:15.000 Yeah, I think there's there's a benefit to that that we don't recognize because we're so wrapped up in the idea of accumulating money accumulating dollars that we forget like that's only part of wealth The really intelligent wealth is keeping the vibe good as long as possible.

00:08:33.000 Whether it's happiness with friends, happiness with co-workers, happiness with what you do for a living, pride in your accomplishments, whatever the fuck it is that it takes to keep it.

00:08:43.000 Feeling included in a group of people.

00:08:46.000 That's huge.

00:08:47.000 That's huge for everybody.

00:08:48.000 People have always wanted to deny that. 1.00

00:08:50.000 Everybody wants to be the rugged individualist, but that's stupid. 0.99

00:08:53.000 Well, that's our whole mythology in this country. 1.00

00:08:56.000 It's the guy riding off alone into the sunset.

00:08:59.000 That's America.

00:09:00.000 That's the cool guy in every movie is the guy who doesn't need the chick. 0.95

00:09:04.000 Right, you never see him with a buddy. 0.77

00:09:06.000 He's got one black buddy and that guy dies in the first act.

00:09:09.000 Yeah, somehow or another he just gets on a horse and it's like, I gotta go. 1.00

00:09:13.000 Just gets on a fucking horse. 0.99

00:09:15.000 Did you see that commercial? 1.00

00:09:16.000 And I would rarely quote a commercial, I think, when it's funny.

00:09:19.000 But it's like this chick and she's saying goodbye to a guy and it's an insurance commercial.

00:09:24.000 And she's in like a big prairie dress with a bonnet and he's the real cowboy and he's putting his hat on and he's like, I gotta go off into the sunset.

00:09:32.000 And she's pulling his leg, no, no.

00:09:34.000 And then he rides off towards the sunset and then he just falls off his horse. 0.67

00:09:40.000 It's just so fucking immediate, so funny. 0.91

00:09:43.000 That is funny. 0.92

00:09:44.000 Yeah, but that's it, man.

00:09:45.000 Being loners, it's an important thing, I think, as comedians, obviously.

00:09:51.000 That's a solo craft.

00:09:53.000 Podcasting is, you know, a solo craft.

00:09:54.000 But at the same time, to feel part of a group.

00:09:57.000 And I think, like, you and I have both gone to the comedy store.

00:10:01.000 It's become part of our lives.

00:10:03.000 Mine for the first time, yours for the second act.

00:10:07.000 And It's like a great feeling to be doing your solo thing, but you're surrounded by other people that have the same background and are following the same path.

00:10:16.000 You really feel very included there.

00:10:18.000 Yeah, it's a really good vibe.

00:10:20.000 It's a way better vibe than it was the first time I was there.

00:10:24.000 I really believe it's the internet.

00:10:26.000 I think the internet has inspired more people to try stand-up.

00:10:31.000 That we're on, like, maybe the right frequency to become a comic. 0.87

00:10:34.000 They're recognizing their own personality, all the shit that we talk about that's wrong with us. 0.83

00:10:38.000 Like, oh, maybe I'm just a comic. 0.97

00:10:40.000 Like, maybe, like, I might be able to do that.

00:10:42.000 I make people laugh at work.

00:10:43.000 I might literally be able to do that.

00:10:45.000 I think more people were inspired by that.

00:10:47.000 And then also, when you hear a bunch of comics doing these podcasts, talking about comedy, like, as an art form, and...

00:10:52.000 Yeah.

00:11:07.000 But he said it's like taking a master's class in comedy.

00:11:09.000 He listened to Bill Burr talk about how he writes jokes.

00:11:12.000 He listened to Greg Fitzsimmons talk about the differences between his act now and his act then, where the errors are.

00:11:18.000 You get Joey Diaz talking about, like, how he learned to let go and how he had fear when he was on stage and always worried about people accepting him. 1.00

00:11:25.000 And one day he was like, fuck you. 0.99

00:11:26.000 And I remember that turnaround for Joey. 1.00

00:11:28.000 There's this, like, radical turnaround where he was always really funny offstage, but he had a hard time being funny onstage.

00:11:34.000 And then it was like...

00:11:37.000 Like 99?

00:11:38.000 Somewhere around then?

00:11:39.000 98, 99?

00:11:40.000 Boom! 0.99

00:11:41.000 He figured it out.

00:11:42.000 Just like out of nowhere.

00:11:42.000 Yeah.

00:11:43.000 Right.

00:11:44.000 He went quicker than I've ever seen anybody go from having a hard time on stage to destroying.

00:11:49.000 Yeah.

00:11:50.000 Like I remember he gained a lot of weight coincidentally at that same time. 0.98

00:11:53.000 That was how didn't give a fuck he got. 0.99

00:11:55.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:11:55.000 That's when he went from like 210 pounds to like like over 300 pounds like in a year. 0.99

00:12:01.000 But God damn, was he funny. 0.96

00:12:02.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:12:03.000 Yeah, I've seen it happen with guys and, you know, like Jim Norton, man.

00:12:07.000 He haunted the comedy seller in those clubs for a decade, you know, 12 years, something before he got any real traction.

00:12:15.000 And then when he found his voice, I mean, the guy's... 0.97

00:12:19.000 It's just fucking great. 0.95

00:12:21.000 He's phenomenal. 0.98

00:12:22.000 Yeah, he's a really good comic, man.

00:12:23.000 I saw him in Austin and it was a good thing for me to see because I was doing sets that maybe were like too long.

00:12:29.000 Yeah.

00:12:30.000 And he did like 55, 50-55 minutes and just murdered it.

00:12:33.000 And I'm like, that's a good amount of time.

00:12:36.000 Because you don't get tired of a guy, you know, like I know when people are tired of hearing me talking.

00:12:36.000 Yeah.

00:12:40.000 Yeah.

00:12:40.000 But you always feel like there's this borderline between wanting to give them their money's worth and just like...

00:12:45.000 Even a great movie sucks after three and a half hours, or whatever it is, for comedy an hour and ten minutes, or whatever the number is.

00:12:52.000 But seeing him in Austin was great, because I hadn't gone to a show, like sit down and watch a show in a while.

00:12:52.000 Yeah.

00:13:01.000 It had always been like, I'm at a set, oh, who's on?

00:13:03.000 Oh, buh-buh-buh's on.

00:13:04.000 Oh, let's go peek in real quick.

00:13:05.000 But to sit down and watch the whole show, his whole set was really fun.

00:13:10.000 Yeah.

00:13:11.000 It's really fun.

00:13:11.000 That is weird to sit down.

00:13:13.000 Like, I just was in Vegas with some friends, and Stephen Wright was playing. 1.00

00:13:17.000 So I said, fuck, man. 0.99

00:13:18.000 How was it? 1.00

00:13:19.000 It was great.

00:13:20.000 It was great. 0.99

00:13:21.000 You know, he was doing a lot of new shit, and just, you know, everyone was high. 1.00

00:13:21.000 Goddamn. 1.00

00:13:27.000 Of course. 0.99

00:13:28.000 And it was just this perfect match, and then he hung out with us after the show for a while.

00:13:32.000 I told him, my friend got so baked, he fell asleep during the show.

00:13:36.000 And so Stephen came out, and he goes, how'd you guys like the show?

00:13:38.000 And I go, my friend Dan fell asleep.

00:13:41.000 And Steve Wright could not stop laughing.

00:13:43.000 He's been on my podcast, and he's just like, in all the years I've done this, I've never had anybody throw somebody under the bus like that.

00:13:54.000 And he just kept talking about it for like 15 minutes.

00:13:57.000 It's a funny thing like about people don't want to admit they were asleep.

00:14:00.000 Right, right.

00:14:01.000 You know, I fell asleep during your show.

00:14:03.000 You're in Vegas.

00:14:04.000 Of course you fall asleep.

00:14:05.000 You've been up for 72 hours.

00:14:06.000 It's the first time you sat still in 72 hours.

00:14:09.000 And Stephen Wright, if you're gonna like that, that's not like a Kevin Hart, like a lot of explosion.

00:14:14.000 Yeah.

00:14:15.000 Stephen Wright is the guy.

00:14:16.000 Yeah.

00:14:17.000 You know, like, I used to work in a fire hydrant factory.

00:14:24.000 Couldn't park anywhere near the place.

00:14:29.000 He was like the first Twitterer. 0.56

00:14:31.000 He was!

00:14:32.000 His comedy was Twitter comedy.

00:14:34.000 Easily he would have been a monster on Twitter if he put just those jokes on Twitter.

00:14:39.000 But then you would ruin the bits. 0.99

00:14:43.000 Yeah, maybe he should go back and just take all the shit he never put out and just start tweeting it. 0.99

00:14:48.000 Because you know that guy doesn't tweet. 1.00

00:14:50.000 He probably doesn't give a shit. 0.99

00:14:51.000 Well, didn't he write it? 1.00

00:14:52.000 He was tweeting a whole book.

00:14:54.000 Oh, really?

00:14:55.000 He was doing this weird thing where he was tweeting a whole book, 140 characters at a time.

00:14:55.000 Yeah.

00:15:00.000 Damn. 0.99

00:15:01.000 That's really cool. 0.99

00:15:02.000 I love that idea.

00:15:04.000 Yeah, I think he would write like a new 140 characters every day.

00:15:07.000 Oh, he wasn't just like he wrote it and he was releasing it.

00:15:10.000 He was actually...

00:15:11.000 I don't think so.

00:15:11.000 I don't know.

00:15:12.000 I think he was doing it like...

00:15:13.000 How was he doing it?

00:15:15.000 How many tweets a day was he doing?

00:15:17.000 He probably had a limited number of tweets he was doing every day.

00:15:19.000 Yeah.

00:15:20.000 He explains it on Conan.

00:15:23.000 We can't play that though.

00:15:24.000 We'll get in trouble.

00:15:26.000 Yeah.

00:15:27.000 But whatever it is, he tweeted a book. 1.00

00:15:30.000 He's such a fucking weirdo. 1.00

00:15:32.000 That's amazing. 1.00

00:15:33.000 He's the guy, man, that changed Boston comedy.

00:15:35.000 That was the one guy that changed the whole scene, at least if you listen to the guys that grew up.

00:15:42.000 During that time and that Fran Solomito documentary.

00:15:45.000 When stand-up stood out.

00:15:46.000 It's a great documentary.

00:15:47.000 Yeah, it's really cool.

00:15:48.000 Especially for guys like us because it was like the generation right before we started.

00:15:52.000 Yeah, it really let us know how lucky we got.

00:15:56.000 You and I have talked about this before, but we came along at the perfect time ever in the history of comedy, except maybe now. 0.79

00:16:03.000 Now it's a pretty goddamn good time.

00:16:04.000 Yeah, they're making a lot less money. 0.79

00:16:05.000 Me and you were making money right out of the gate.

00:16:08.000 Hey, you got a car?

00:16:09.000 You got 10 minutes?

00:16:10.000 Here's 50 bucks, kid.

00:16:11.000 There were so many satellite rooms.

00:16:13.000 We were living in Boston, and we could go in any direction.

00:16:18.000 There was probably 200 or 300 rooms between Boston Comedy.

00:16:23.000 Between Sherry Hirsch, between Norm LaFoe, Billy Downs, Paul Barkley, they all had like Boston Comedy, Barry Katz's organization had many, many, many rooms.

00:16:35.000 Barry alone had 50 rooms probably.

00:16:36.000 They had so many rooms.

00:16:37.000 So there's, I mean, maybe exaggerating saying hundreds, but it was more than 100 rooms all around this area.

00:16:43.000 And so we could just go to a different place all the time.

00:16:46.000 They always needed comics.

00:16:47.000 And if you were a good comic and you were reliable, and again, if you had a car and you would pick up the headliner, You would literally call a guy like Mike Clark and he would fill seven weekends on the spot in one phone call.

00:17:02.000 And then you'd call Barry Katz and he'd fill seven weekends.

00:17:06.000 And like, you know, in a week you talk to five agents and your year is booked six nights a week.

00:17:13.000 And then all you got to do is play softball, go to the movies and drive to the gig at night.

00:17:19.000 A lot of guys fall into that. 0.99

00:17:21.000 Mike Clark had some of the craziest fucking gigs, dude. 0.99

00:17:23.000 I did a restaurant for him once. 0.99

00:17:25.000 I was the one opening week, and it never happened again, after me.

00:17:30.000 It was one of the worst...

00:17:31.000 You opened and closed it?

00:17:32.000 I opened and closed it.

00:17:33.000 Because I told him how it was set up, and he agreed that he couldn't do a show there.

00:17:37.000 I was like, you just literally can't do a show there.

00:17:40.000 Because...

00:17:41.000 You do stand-up at a lounge, first of all.

00:17:43.000 Nobody told these people there's going to be stand-up.

00:17:45.000 So they're sitting there waiting to get seated.

00:17:47.000 It was the biggest seafood restaurant in this part of the Cape. 0.98

00:17:51.000 So there would be this giant fucking room where people are seating, waiting for them to call their seat and their name. 1.00

00:18:00.000 Oh, no shit. 1.00

00:18:01.000 So when they're calling their seat and their name, or their name and their Johnson Party of Six, they're doing it on the same microphone as you. 1.00

00:18:12.000 So you're on stage.

00:18:14.000 You're on stage.

00:18:15.000 I'm on stage.

00:18:16.000 And it became a joke after a while.

00:18:18.000 I'm like, this is like truly hilarious.

00:18:20.000 Because you'd be right away.

00:18:21.000 And I'm telling her, Johnson party of six, your table's ready. 0.88

00:18:25.000 Johnson party of six, your table's ready.

00:18:30.000 Johnson, Johnson Party of Saints.

00:18:31.000 You're like, oh my god.

00:18:33.000 I mean, I'm not joking, man, because they're not even in the same room as you. 0.99

00:18:36.000 So they have no fucking idea. 0.96

00:18:38.000 Oh, they're not even in the same room? 0.99

00:18:39.000 No, no, no, no.

00:18:40.000 This is a big place.

00:18:41.000 So you're in this giant lounge area with these families. 0.99

00:18:44.000 You're talking about blowjobs. 1.00

00:18:46.000 And these families are like, what the fuck is going on? 1.00

00:18:46.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:18:51.000 That's surreal.

00:18:52.000 It's so surreal.

00:18:53.000 And in the middle of your act, just right in the middle, out of nowhere, there's six birds and Johnson, party of six, your table's ready.

00:19:02.000 It was the worst.

00:19:03.000 It wasn't the worst because the people were friendly.

00:19:07.000 Can you imagine, just go back to that same place now, and you know it's the same restaurant with the same PA system, the whole thing.

00:19:14.000 Bring cameras and film your one-hour special with them calling for Johnson Party at 6. Try to work around it.

00:19:23.000 Just work the Johnsons. 0.99

00:19:24.000 They're heading into the family.

00:19:25.000 Hey, nice jacket.

00:19:27.000 Well, you know what? 1.00

00:19:28.000 If people knew you were filming, though, they would come up with stupid names. 1.00

00:19:31.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:19:31.000 Just so someone would yell out their name. 1.00

00:19:33.000 Mike Hunt.

00:19:35.000 Party of Six.

00:19:36.000 Your table's ready.

00:19:38.000 Mike Hunt.

00:19:39.000 They would probably hate that kind of comedy out there, even no matter how famous you get.

00:19:44.000 There's like a really conservative part of...

00:19:46.000 Yeah.

00:19:46.000 Oh, The Cape?

00:19:47.000 Yeah, The Cape is very family.

00:19:49.000 It's very Norman Rockwell.

00:19:50.000 Very tight, buttoned up.

00:19:53.000 Right. 1.00

00:19:54.000 They leave The Cape, and my friend dated this girl from The Cape, and she became a whore and a crackhead. 1.00

00:20:00.000 She was this sweet, preppy girl from The Cape, came from money. 0.97

00:20:03.000 Moved to Venice Beach, and all of a sudden she was getting skinny, and all of a sudden she had a herpes virus on her lip, and he got it from her.

00:20:11.000 And then he found...

00:20:13.000 I think he found an ad.

00:20:16.000 Like, she had the newspaper with the classified section where she had put an ad.

00:20:20.000 This was back before the internet.

00:20:21.000 For herself.

00:20:23.000 And she was...

00:20:26.000 Selling herself.

00:20:27.000 Selling herself, and then she came by, and then so they broke up, and she came by like a year later with another dude.

00:20:32.000 She weighed like, you know, 90 pounds.

00:20:35.000 Wow, all from the Cape, huh?

00:20:37.000 From the Cape, man.

00:20:38.000 Well, there's a lot of sheltered people up in that neck of the woods.

00:20:42.000 It's beautiful though.

00:20:43.000 Oh, it's great.

00:20:44.000 God, it's so nice in the summer especially.

00:20:46.000 And in the winter, there's something about it.

00:20:48.000 It's just so gray and the water is so unforgiving.

00:20:52.000 You know, there's something cool.

00:20:54.000 But even being cold, walking around the beach in the winter was always weird for me.

00:20:58.000 I enjoy it.

00:21:00.000 You look at the trees with no leaves on them and they just look strong.

00:21:04.000 Everything is strong because it's just getting battered by wind and cold and...

00:21:08.000 It also, like, it gives you this sense of cycle that I think we miss out on a bit of here.

00:21:14.000 I think the cycle of seasons is much more normal than no seasons.

00:21:18.000 And what we're doing is we're sort of adapting our, like, perceptions of nature on this really unrealistic spot. 0.92

00:21:26.000 You know, a spot where it fucking never rains. 0.95

00:21:26.000 Yeah. 0.95

00:21:28.000 It stalled out.

00:21:29.000 I mean, it gets kind of hot for a while, but just go near the water, you'll be fine.

00:21:33.000 No, you need the cycle.

00:21:35.000 In my house, we celebrate my wife's menstrual flow.

00:21:39.000 You know, change clothes, like fall.

00:21:42.000 We'll go fall.

00:21:43.000 You go fall colors?

00:21:44.000 Yeah, fall colors on her September dripping.

00:21:50.000 Did you see that? 0.99

00:21:52.000 I don't know if this is bullshit or not. 0.99

00:21:53.000 Somebody sent it to me on Twitter, and I looked at it. 0.98

00:21:55.000 It was about to get in my car.

00:21:57.000 I was like, what?!

00:21:58.000 It was something about women that don't want to be forced to wear maxi pads or tampons. 1.00

00:22:05.000 They think it's bullshit. 0.98

00:22:06.000 So they're just going natural. 0.99

00:22:07.000 They're just doing natural flow.

00:22:09.000 Like they're literally in your face about their period blood dripping out of their underwear. 1.00

00:22:14.000 They don't give a fuck. 0.99

00:22:15.000 They just wear like fluffy socks? 1.00

00:22:16.000 I think they just let it drip down their leg. 1.00

00:22:18.000 I mean, it might be bullshit. 0.99

00:22:19.000 I might be getting trolled right now because I just looked at it like really briefy. 0.98

00:22:23.000 Take a look at it there, young Jamie.

00:22:25.000 And you tell me with your discerning eye.

00:22:26.000 I could see that because the tampon, that's the way you stick inside, right?

00:22:32.000 The tampon?

00:22:33.000 Yes, Gregory.

00:22:34.000 I didn't get confused.

00:22:36.000 The tampon causes toxic shock syndrome.

00:22:39.000 It can if you leave it in, right?

00:22:40.000 Is that what happens?

00:22:41.000 I don't know.

00:22:42.000 I didn't even know what it was.

00:22:43.000 Help catalyze the movement.

00:22:45.000 Oh my God, this is real?

00:22:47.000 Benefits of sustainable menstrual options.

00:22:49.000 What is a sustainable?

00:22:50.000 I'm really tired of people using that word. 1.00

00:22:52.000 I think the people that use the word sustainable and the people that use the word handcrafted should get together and go fuck themselves. 0.99

00:22:58.000 I'm tired of both of those terms. 0.99

00:23:00.000 All natural.

00:23:01.000 You're sustainable.

00:23:02.000 What are you taught?

00:23:03.000 What?

00:23:03.000 Human beings devour the planet.

00:23:06.000 Stop with your sustainable.

00:23:07.000 Yeah.

00:23:07.000 Oh, this is better.

00:23:09.000 It's better for the environment.

00:23:10.000 One dump truck of waste per person versus a few dozen reusable pads.

00:23:16.000 Reduce pollution?

00:23:17.000 Oh, they're reusable pads.

00:23:18.000 Hold on a second.

00:23:19.000 BARF! Could you imagine?

00:23:22.000 Your cooter is blowing into this fucking wad of cotton every month. 1.00

00:23:28.000 You're scrubbing out the bacteria and the blood. 1.00

00:23:31.000 It's intertwined in all the fibers of your cooch area of your underwear. 0.99

00:23:37.000 I mean, get the fuck out of here with this. 0.99

00:23:39.000 Listen, we live in 2015. If we still use paper to write down on, we can afford a little cotton to plug your clam with, okay? 0.98

00:23:49.000 I'll kick in a few bucks for that.

00:23:50.000 I'm on board.

00:23:52.000 I mean, yeah, there's a few things that...

00:23:52.000 Ah!

00:23:54.000 Whoa, whoa, whoa!

00:23:54.000 Look at that picture!

00:23:55.000 Hold on a second.

00:23:55.000 Pull that picture back up.

00:23:56.000 What did it say?

00:23:57.000 Oh my god!

00:23:57.000 The stat...

00:24:00.000 It says, a disposable tampon pad user produces a dump truck of menstrual waste in their lifetime, and it's showing you this giant fucking dump truck, which probably doesn't have only tampons in it, but... 0.97

00:24:12.000 That would be great, as if every time you threw out a tampon, you had to throw it in your truck. 0.99

00:24:17.000 Every woman gets one truck, and once it's filled, we kill you. 1.00

00:24:21.000 Yeah, you have, like, a yearly dump of your tampons. 0.86

00:24:26.000 Like, for a year, they have to stay in your backyard in a big pink barrel.

00:24:31.000 Just dogs barking from all over the neighborhood.

00:24:33.000 Yeah, you know how you have, like, trash is, like, one color, the recyclables, like, brown, like, lawn, you know, like, lawn trimmings and stuff.

00:24:40.000 Everybody has different...

00:24:42.000 It would be, like, once a year, they pick up your...

00:24:46.000 Soiled menstrual plugs.

00:24:49.000 That's a weird thing with guys being scared of menstrual blood.

00:24:52.000 I've never really understood that.

00:24:53.000 It doesn't bother me at all.

00:24:55.000 I mean, not even a little bit.

00:24:56.000 Not even a little bit.

00:24:57.000 I don't get it.

00:24:58.000 Some dude's freaked though.

00:24:58.000 Doesn't bother me.

00:25:00.000 I had a friend and he would fucking be like, I'm never banging a chick on her period. 0.99

00:25:03.000 Get out of here. 1.00

00:25:04.000 I'm like, so your girlfriend really wants to have sex. 1.00

00:25:06.000 She's on her period. 1.00

00:25:07.000 He's like, fuck that. 1.00

00:25:07.000 You won't have sex with her. 1.00

00:25:08.000 Not when she's on that shit. 1.00

00:25:10.000 I think it's even better. 1.00

00:25:11.000 Ooh, Greg is dirty. 0.99

00:25:12.000 Well, we were down in Florida one time, me and, you know, Mike Gibbons, my buddy Mike, and this other guy, the guy whose girlfriend became a hooker, as a matter of fact. 0.98

00:25:22.000 And there was a water slide park, and it was locked.

00:25:26.000 And we got through the chain link fence, and we went in, and my buddy turned the water on.

00:25:31.000 It was like a real rudimentary roadside water park.

00:25:35.000 And we started going down the slide in the middle of the night. 0.99

00:25:37.000 It's like fucking, you know, midnight. 0.96

00:25:39.000 And I remember thinking, like, I would not have had that much fun during the day. 0.99

00:25:42.000 And I think that's what menstrual sex is like. 0.71

00:25:45.000 You're not supposed to be in there. 0.75

00:25:47.000 So it's like a, it's a special treat.

00:25:50.000 A special treat.

00:25:52.000 But a lot of girls are hornier when they're on their periods. 1.00

00:25:55.000 Oh, yeah.

00:25:56.000 Oh, yeah.

00:25:57.000 That's right.

00:25:57.000 They push back.

00:25:59.000 Let me ask you this, in all sincerity, because I've debated this myself.

00:26:03.000 Would you, if they one day figure out a way to manipulate human bodies in such an incredible way that they can actually turn you into a woman? 0.94

00:26:14.000 I can turn you back into a woman, back into Greg again. 0.99

00:26:17.000 Would you be a woman for a day? 0.99

00:26:20.000 Of course.

00:26:21.000 Yes.

00:26:21.000 For a whole day, or how long would you do it for?

00:26:23.000 I'd do it for a week.

00:26:24.000 Yeah.

00:26:24.000 A week?

00:26:25.000 Would you take the D? Fuck yeah! 1.00

00:26:27.000 But you really? 1.00

00:26:28.000 No, I would do the woman thing. 0.99

00:26:28.000 No. 0.99

00:26:29.000 I would definitely masturbate relentlessly. 1.00

00:26:32.000 You would stick something in there? 1.00

00:26:33.000 I would go to some spas.

00:26:35.000 I'd go to a lot of spas where women are walking around naked. 1.00

00:26:36.000 Okay, what about this?

00:26:37.000 How about this?

00:26:38.000 What if...

00:26:39.000 We're going deep. 1.00

00:26:41.000 What if they figure out a way to manipulate genetics to the point where you could become your wife and your wife could become you, like literally become you, and then fuck you? 1.00

00:26:51.000 Would you agree to that? 1.00

00:26:53.000 Nope, no way.

00:26:57.000 You wouldn't let your wife be you and you be your wife? 1.00

00:27:00.000 Just for a day.

00:27:01.000 No.

00:27:02.000 Why not?

00:27:02.000 No.

00:27:03.000 Because I could never look at it the same way again.

00:27:05.000 But it's her.

00:27:06.000 I don't want to be inside there.

00:27:07.000 But you wouldn't be.

00:27:09.000 There's so many little secrets that women have, and there's things you wonder about their soul, and what they're really thinking when you're talking, and all those little subtle things. 1.00

00:27:18.000 I don't want that...

00:27:20.000 I see your point.

00:27:20.000 Mmm.

00:27:21.000 I don't want to know that.

00:27:22.000 That's beautiful.

00:27:23.000 You're a man of, like, you love romance.

00:27:25.000 Mystery.

00:27:25.000 Yeah.

00:27:26.000 That's beautiful.

00:27:27.000 I love my wife.

00:27:28.000 I'm not even talking about your wife.

00:27:30.000 I'm thinking in everything in life.

00:27:31.000 Yeah.

00:27:34.000 Fifty Shades of Grey, in the book, there was a tampon sex scene and they took it out in the movie.

00:27:38.000 How dare they?

00:27:39.000 Yeah.

00:27:40.000 That movie made a trillion dollars.

00:27:42.000 That movie cured the deficit.

00:27:43.000 Yeah, right. 1.00

00:27:44.000 It's fucking crazy. 0.98

00:27:44.000 I know. 0.98

00:27:46.000 Why do you think it did?

00:27:48.000 You think guys went?

00:27:50.000 Did women drag their men to it, or is that just women going? 1.00

00:27:53.000 Mostly women, I think, probably. 1.00

00:27:54.000 Right. 0.96

00:27:55.000 And psychologically, if I had to analyze, with all due respect, and this is, again, just my opinion, I think the reason why those like savage type sexual scenarios like savage lustful crazy things, ball gags and spitting in your mouth and you know like a lot of the crazy shit that seems to excite people unexpectedly you know when you talk about like the average American woman And then you talk about them. 0.72

00:28:21.000 I don't know exactly what Fifty Shades of Grey is. 0.99

00:28:23.000 I'm just talking out of my ass. 0.99

00:28:24.000 I read it. 1.00

00:28:25.000 You read the whole thing?

00:28:27.000 Well, I was hired to do a parody of it.

00:28:28.000 Oh! 0.60

00:28:29.000 So I read it.

00:28:30.000 Well, tell me.

00:28:30.000 Because I would assume that it's a lot of choking and abuse type stuff.

00:28:35.000 But it's really light.

00:28:36.000 It's light.

00:28:37.000 Yeah, I mean, the funny thing is there's no...

00:28:37.000 It's really light?

00:28:39.000 I described it as if you had a seven-year-old and you showed them nothing but porn and then you said, write a story... 1.00

00:28:48.000 It's so inane. 1.00

00:28:49.000 There's no fucking story. 1.00

00:28:51.000 It's an excuse for a rich guy to completely humiliate a college girl. 1.00

00:28:56.000 And women get off on it because he's so beautiful and wealthy.

00:29:00.000 But there's nothing happening.

00:29:03.000 I don't want to ruin the ending.

00:29:04.000 Don't fuck it up.

00:29:05.000 Spoiler alert.

00:29:06.000 Literally nothing happens in the end.

00:29:08.000 I think everybody knows already.

00:29:10.000 I don't think they care. 1.00

00:29:11.000 It's just the same kind of shit you'd see at Cinemaxe. 0.99

00:29:14.000 I think there is a lot of women, I think there are a lot of women, that don't feel sexually attractive. 1.00

00:29:24.000 They don't feel like anyone ever feels like that with them.

00:29:28.000 Like anyone has ever overcome with desire to be with them.

00:29:32.000 They look at themselves as like, God, I wish that was happening to me.

00:29:32.000 Yeah.

00:29:36.000 And they develop this intense need for romance.

00:29:39.000 It's like the classic story of romance novel readers.

00:29:42.000 What do they look like?

00:29:43.000 It's usually an overweight woman. 1.00

00:29:45.000 That's what a lot of people think about when they think of someone who reads romance novels.

00:29:49.000 That's what comes to mind.

00:29:50.000 Not necessarily true, but...

00:29:52.000 The idea being that for a lot of people, that is so attractive.

00:29:56.000 This crazy, maniacal, passionate, even disgusting and abusive situation between a guy and a girl.

00:30:05.000 Because there's so much lust there. 0.98

00:30:06.000 There's lust and depravity.

00:30:08.000 And they're missing that.

00:30:09.000 They're not getting anybody that wants to be with them and touch them.

00:30:13.000 That's a fundamental need that people have that we kind of ignore a lot when we're looking at social trends and the way people behave.

00:30:23.000 There's a fundamental need that we have to touch each other.

00:30:27.000 It's 100% necessary.

00:30:30.000 If you take people and you give them no contact with other people, they literally go bananas.

00:30:36.000 Yeah.

00:30:36.000 We need to be around each other.

00:30:38.000 I always hug sad people.

00:30:40.000 Like if I meet somebody and they just seem really sad, not right then and there, but the next time I see them, I'll throw a hug on them.

00:30:46.000 And it's amazing to see the change.

00:30:48.000 They fucking like you so much. 0.98

00:30:50.000 Oh yeah, man. 1.00

00:30:51.000 I've told this story, but just in the nature of this discussion, I got the first job that I ever did in Hollywood, that stupid hardball show. 0.98

00:31:04.000 I had this situation where... 0.94

00:31:06.000 I came out here, didn't have any friends, and I was out here filming it for like two weeks, and didn't have a girlfriend in LA, didn't know anybody, so I'd just go to the comedy store and go home.

00:31:17.000 And we had this scene that we were doing with me and this girl, and she gave me a hug.

00:31:23.000 And she didn't even give me a hug, like a sexual hug.

00:31:26.000 It wasn't like I was attracted.

00:31:28.000 I mean, she was very attractive, but it wasn't like that.

00:31:30.000 She was like, aww! 0.77

00:31:31.000 She came over and gave me a hug, and my whole body just tangled.

00:31:36.000 Like, not sexually.

00:31:37.000 Because you've been so alone.

00:31:38.000 Like, I felt love.

00:31:38.000 Love.

00:31:40.000 Like, I felt like a warm hug from a person. 0.99

00:31:42.000 I'm like, God damn. 0.98

00:31:43.000 And I realized, like, right there immediately, I was like, I need this in my life. 0.99

00:31:47.000 This is something, like, if you don't have, you feel dull.

00:31:51.000 Your life feels dulled down. 0.96

00:31:54.000 And unfortunately, whether it's because of genetics, or because of diet, or because of fucking fill in the blank, where some people just aren't That attractive to other people. 0.90

00:32:02.000 And that's not a politically correct thing to say, but that's exactly what it is. 0.94

00:32:06.000 And so they're super excited about someone being excited about them.

00:32:10.000 There's an app where you can hug people, where people meet.

00:32:14.000 They meet up in a public place and they hug.

00:32:17.000 Here, look it up.

00:32:18.000 They meet in a public place and they just come, they say hello, they hug, and then they walk away.

00:32:18.000 That's hilarious.

00:32:23.000 Oh my god.

00:32:24.000 And it's worldwide.

00:32:25.000 That's insane.

00:32:27.000 That is so insane.

00:32:28.000 And I heard the guy getting interviewed and they were like, well, does it sometimes like then lead to sex like you would naturally think?

00:32:34.000 He's like, no, most people just wanted the hug.

00:32:37.000 That's why they went on the app.

00:32:38.000 That's all they wanted.

00:32:39.000 Wow.

00:32:39.000 Yeah.

00:32:41.000 Yeah, that's going to end badly.

00:32:43.000 Well, my son...

00:32:44.000 Oh, yeah, yeah.

00:32:45.000 That'll end bad.

00:32:46.000 Cuddle Curious, free app.

00:32:48.000 Makes it easy to score hugs.

00:32:50.000 Cuddler.

00:32:51.000 Aw, that's cute.

00:32:52.000 Isn't that hilarious?

00:32:53.000 Look, it is.

00:32:54.000 Hugging people's nice.

00:32:55.000 It's just the problem is there's a lot of, like, overly needy people out there, a lot of crazy people out there, a lot of mean people out there, a lot of insult people that will insult you just to get a rise out of you.

00:33:07.000 Yeah.

00:33:07.000 That's the world.

00:33:08.000 And girls have to deal with that way more than we do. 1.00

00:33:10.000 It's the worst thing in the world when you see a guy hit on a girl and then the girl refutes him and you're like, fuck you bitch, I didn't like you anyway. 1.00

00:33:19.000 That is disgusting. 1.00

00:33:21.000 You realize guys like that are the reason why chicks are fucking weirded out by dudes. 1.00

00:33:27.000 Someone who hits on you and then when you say no, they get angry at you. 1.00

00:33:32.000 All of a sudden, from I want to fuck you to I want to hit you. 1.00

00:33:38.000 That's something, fortunately, we don't have to deal with. 1.00

00:33:42.000 Yeah.

00:33:42.000 I mean, you can see it.

00:33:43.000 It's an insecurity, obviously.

00:33:44.000 The guy got hurt, and so he lashed out with anger.

00:33:48.000 It could be that, for sure.

00:33:50.000 I mean, certainly, I think there's a lot of factors.

00:33:53.000 I think that's a big part of it, though, definitely.

00:33:55.000 I think the other part of it is that, like, I think for a lot of men, it's, like, very frustrating to try to figure out how to get someone to choose you over, you know, X guys, X number of guys.

00:34:09.000 It's a competition.

00:34:10.000 And you're losing.

00:34:10.000 Yeah.

00:34:11.000 Yeah, I mean, that's the reason why men dress the way they dress.

00:34:14.000 I mean, a big part of it is, like, to try to look good.

00:34:19.000 Guys who wear the right watch or guys who have the right shoes or guys who wear a really slick jacket.

00:34:24.000 You're doing it to look good.

00:34:27.000 That's why you're doing it.

00:34:28.000 You're doing it to be more attractive.

00:34:31.000 Whether you're doing it for yourself or you're doing it for your business images ultimately for yourself, you're trying to be more attractive.

00:34:38.000 And no matter how unattractive you are, you're trying to be more attractive because you're trying to, you know, it's nature.

00:34:45.000 You're trying to attract the best mate that you can get. 0.99

00:34:48.000 It's crazy that guys will, some guys will go, like, all out, like, with diamonds and shit, and, like, giant watches with crusted and diamonds, and they know, like, look, I am only gonna attract dumb hoes. 1.00

00:35:02.000 Like, that's it! 0.99

00:35:02.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:35:05.000 That's what I'm shooting for! 0.99

00:35:07.000 And they'll walk around with giant gold-encrusted or diamond-encrusted necklaces and shit. 1.00

00:35:13.000 Especially black guys can pull it off. 0.99

00:35:15.000 Yeah, they can pull it off. 0.98

00:35:17.000 Way better than we can.

00:35:18.000 You know, in certain cars, you see a guy pull up in a certain car, and for some guys it makes sense.

00:35:22.000 You're like, yeah, that guy belongs in a Porsche.

00:35:24.000 And then you see another guy and you're like, you're...

00:35:26.000 How am I going to say it?

00:35:29.000 You're not supposed to be in a Porsche.

00:35:32.000 Anybody who really likes a Porsche should be in a Porsche, but Porsche.

00:35:36.000 No, but they want to be...

00:35:38.000 No, you shouldn't be in a Porsche, right?

00:35:40.000 You should be in a Porsche?

00:35:41.000 Well, it's a Porsche.

00:35:42.000 Is it?

00:35:43.000 Yeah, that's what you're supposed to say.

00:35:44.000 Porsche.

00:35:46.000 There's still a lot of people that are like car journalists, like Chris Harris, who calls it Porsche.

00:35:52.000 It's Porsche, though.

00:35:53.000 Is it Jaguar or Jaguar?

00:35:55.000 Depends on what country. 1.00

00:35:56.000 This is America, motherfucker. 1.00

00:35:58.000 It's American. 1.00

00:35:59.000 It's Jaguar.

00:35:59.000 It's made out of good American aluminium.

00:35:59.000 That's right.

00:36:02.000 Jaguar.

00:36:04.000 Yeah, that sounds like you're cursing somebody out.

00:36:08.000 Jaguar.

00:36:09.000 You Jaguar. 1.00

00:36:09.000 Jaguar. 1.00

00:36:12.000 Fitzsimmons. 0.94

00:36:13.000 Yeah, I gotta... 1.00

00:36:16.000 I gotta get that fucking Mustang. 1.00

00:36:17.000 I saw one yesterday. 1.00

00:36:18.000 The new ones.

00:36:19.000 Wait for the new ones.

00:36:19.000 The new ones.

00:36:20.000 Yeah, they're coming out.

00:36:21.000 50th year anniversary.

00:36:23.000 Yeah, this is what you want.

00:36:24.000 You want the GT350. Don't fuck around. 1.00

00:36:27.000 Do not pass go. 1.00

00:36:28.000 The Shelby GT350. Shelby!

00:36:31.000 Coming out very soon, Gregory.

00:36:34.000 How much?

00:36:35.000 I don't know how much.

00:36:35.000 Stop with the money!

00:36:36.000 You're gonna live forever?

00:36:38.000 You make good money.

00:36:38.000 Stop!

00:36:39.000 This is what you need to do. 0.99

00:36:40.000 You need to get 500 American naturally aspirated horsepower under your balls. 0.99

00:36:45.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:36:45.000 Boom! 0.99

00:36:46.000 Boom! 0.99

00:36:47.000 Dude, it's doing Nürburgring times, like, low numbers, man.

00:36:51.000 They had, like, spectacular results with this car.

00:36:54.000 It's, like, got independent suspension for the first time in a long time from Mustangs.

00:36:58.000 Like, they had it for a while, and then they went back to the live rear axle, I guess.

00:37:02.000 I don't know enough about that, but this new suspension is supposed to be incredible.

00:37:06.000 This car's coming out soon, son. 1.00

00:37:08.000 Don't fuck around. 1.00

00:37:08.000 Or, get one of those Challenger Hellcats. 1.00

00:37:11.000 I drove one of those in Denver.

00:37:12.000 How's the visibility out the back of those?

00:37:14.000 Good enough!

00:37:15.000 It doesn't matter.

00:37:17.000 Nothing's coming up behind you. 1.00

00:37:18.000 Look at that fucking car. 1.00

00:37:19.000 2016 Shelby GT350. Oh, I like the back. 1.00

00:37:22.000 Good lord, that makes my dick hard. 1.00

00:37:25.000 It's a fastback. 1.00

00:37:25.000 It's a fucking American car, son. 1.00

00:37:28.000 That's real American muscle, but like super sophisticated now. 1.00

00:37:32.000 They're making these cars like this car. 0.99

00:37:35.000 Where they're American muscle, meaning like stupid, high horsepower, V8, awesome sound, rumble, but they handle. 1.00

00:37:44.000 That car fucking handles, man. 1.00

00:37:47.000 How much money do they spend making that roar sound right? 1.00

00:37:47.000 That's a fast car. 1.00

00:37:51.000 You know, they got all kinds of acoustics experts on that muffler.

00:37:54.000 They probably do.

00:37:55.000 Yeah, they probably do.

00:37:55.000 That's no accident.

00:37:57.000 I think so.

00:37:57.000 Especially the Shelby has that awesome, deep, throaty, like...

00:38:01.000 Yeah.

00:38:02.000 They sound so good.

00:38:04.000 V8 sounds always the best.

00:38:05.000 You can have a beautiful V6, like Porsches or 6s, flat 6s.

00:38:09.000 They sound really good too.

00:38:11.000 But that sounds the best.

00:38:12.000 The American V8 rumble. 0.99

00:38:15.000 It's just fucking ball draining. 0.99

00:38:19.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:38:20.000 Rawr!

00:38:23.000 Something about that engine sound, for whatever reason, actually stimulates testosterone, man.

00:38:28.000 There's been studies done.

00:38:30.000 That's insane.

00:38:30.000 Oh, sure.

00:38:31.000 Absolutely.

00:38:31.000 The sound of an engine.

00:38:33.000 Well, it's like a lion roaring. 0.97

00:38:34.000 You probably hear that, and you've got to grow some balls fast. 0.98

00:38:38.000 Yeah, man. 0.99

00:38:39.000 If you had lions all around your bedroom, I bet you'd have so much testosterone. 0.98

00:38:42.000 That's right. 0.99

00:38:45.000 Imagine if you slept and you had this super thick wire cage, like really fucking thick, where lions definitely can't get through it. 0.99

00:38:55.000 No way. 0.97

00:38:56.000 And that's your walls.

00:38:58.000 And the rest of your house, like all on the outside, there's an outside wall way, way out there.

00:39:03.000 But most of it is a lion sanctuary.

00:39:06.000 So where you live, the outside is like a house, but the inside, where it faces the lion sanctuary, is all wire mesh, and it's all around your bed.

00:39:06.000 Yeah.

00:39:17.000 So it's like your walls are insulated with lions.

00:39:20.000 And you walk out there, and then you sleep.

00:39:22.000 You walk out there like a long path through this thick wire mesh, and you sleep in the middle of the lion sanctuary.

00:39:30.000 Periodically, throughout the day, they release animals for the lions to chase and kill in front of you. 1.00

00:39:38.000 You're brushing your teeth, and you see some poor giraffe stumble out, look left, look right, and you see them run towards it and take it down like, fucking Christ! 1.00

00:39:49.000 You hear bones snap, and one of them's got the neck, and the thing's flopping around, it's trying to kick, and they're tearing its guts apart, and you're 20 feet away. 0.98

00:39:57.000 And your chest is rumbling from the noise.

00:40:00.000 You can barely hear it over your electric toothbrush.

00:40:11.000 Just ripping apart some giraffe right in front of you. 0.99

00:40:14.000 Blood splatters on your face. 1.00

00:40:14.000 Fuck! 1.00

00:40:16.000 Fighting each other over chunks of meat. 1.00

00:40:19.000 The new male comes into town. 1.00

00:40:22.000 There's a fucking brawl. 1.00

00:40:24.000 And you're just getting manly. 1.00

00:40:25.000 You're either shrinking from it and becoming a complete pussy, or you're growing hair in your chest and you're going... 1.00

00:40:31.000 You would look like an Armenian bodybuilder. 1.00

00:40:34.000 That's who you would look like. 0.94

00:40:35.000 Just hairy, thick... 0.57

00:40:38.000 You'd get angry.

00:40:39.000 You're not even working out.

00:40:40.000 You've never lifted a weight and you're ripped.

00:40:42.000 Your body's just prepared for death every second of every day.

00:40:49.000 You just hear that roar in the middle of the night.

00:40:52.000 Plus, you're inhaling all the ferrons that they're spraying out the whole time. 1.00

00:40:56.000 They'll probably piss on your fucking cage. 1.00

00:40:59.000 They'll probably spray your cage. 1.00

00:41:01.000 You're probably going to have to call in the maid and shit. 1.00

00:41:04.000 There's some lying piss, all of this thing. 1.00

00:41:06.000 Can you mop up the ferrons? 0.97

00:41:07.000 I just want to take a nap.

00:41:09.000 You know what?

00:41:10.000 I'm not getting pissed on tonight.

00:41:11.000 I'm putting up the shades.

00:41:14.000 I'm just, you know, I'm not avoiding the lions.

00:41:16.000 I just don't want them peeing on me.

00:41:18.000 I can handle the lions.

00:41:19.000 I just don't want them pissing on my head while I'm sleeping.

00:41:21.000 That's it.

00:41:22.000 Yeah, they will piss on things, right? 0.57

00:41:24.000 Like a regular cat does.

00:41:25.000 Well, especially after they fight and they spray the area. 0.99

00:41:28.000 It's fucking weird to watch, man. 0.98

00:41:28.000 They just won. 0.98

00:41:30.000 Like, where's that even coming from?

00:41:33.000 Yeah.

00:41:33.000 You know, you got an extra hole back there?

00:41:35.000 Like, what is that?

00:41:36.000 How does that work?

00:41:37.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:41:37.000 Because they spray out the back, like, out of their ass. 1.00

00:41:40.000 Yeah, some kind of little gland back there. 1.00

00:41:42.000 How bizarre.

00:41:43.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:41:43.000 Like, they have almost like an extra dick. 1.00

00:41:45.000 Like an extra, like a blowhole on their dick. 1.00

00:41:47.000 Well, I guess it's like pre-semen, right? 1.00

00:41:50.000 I don't know where it comes from.

00:41:50.000 I don't know.

00:41:52.000 I'd never have thought about it.

00:41:53.000 I had a cat they used to spray, too.

00:41:55.000 Really?

00:41:55.000 Oh, man.

00:41:56.000 I had a feral cat.

00:41:57.000 And at one point in time, I had a great veterinarian.

00:42:02.000 Luckily, Dr. Craig.

00:42:04.000 Unfortunately, he died.

00:42:05.000 Drunk driver hit her, man. 1.00

00:42:07.000 Fucking bummer. 1.00

00:42:08.000 He was the nicest guy. 1.00

00:42:08.000 Oh, that sucks. 1.00

00:42:09.000 He was hilarious. 0.99

00:42:11.000 Like, a really funny guy.

00:42:12.000 Loved, loved, loved animals.

00:42:14.000 Anyway, I had this feral cat, and when it was time, like, most of the time I could pet him, but there was occasionally times when you try to pick him up, he'll fight you to the death.

00:42:22.000 Yeah. 0.98

00:42:24.000 Just fucking freak out and run away. 1.00

00:42:26.000 And I had to get him to the vet because it was time to get him fixed because he was pissing in my fucking house. 1.00

00:42:31.000 Smell nasty? 1.00

00:42:32.000 Yeah, we'd pick up his back, like his ass and his tail. 1.00

00:42:36.000 He would just see it come out. 1.00

00:42:37.000 You're like, you little motherfucker! 1.00

00:42:39.000 And when I trapped him in the bathroom, he was just spraying everywhere, dude. 1.00

00:42:44.000 Just spraying.

00:42:45.000 But I never looked at where it came from because I was in mortal danger.

00:42:48.000 I was trying to figure out how to get this little guy in a basket.

00:42:51.000 What I did was I threw a blanket over him.

00:42:54.000 I wrapped him up in the blanket and then I stuffed the blanket inside of a laundry basket and then I carried him out. 0.99

00:43:01.000 I carried him to the vet in a fucking laundry basket wrapped in a blanket. 0.99

00:43:05.000 Was he like going crazy the whole time? 1.00

00:43:07.000 Oh my god, he was going bananas.

00:43:08.000 He was going bananas. 0.99

00:43:10.000 He was trying to kill me. 0.99

00:43:11.000 He was trying to kill me. 0.60

00:43:12.000 But he was my buddy.

00:43:13.000 It was the weirdest thing, man.

00:43:14.000 And no one else could even touch this cat.

00:43:16.000 If you came over my house, he would run from you.

00:43:16.000 Yeah.

00:43:19.000 But he would sit in my lap.

00:43:20.000 I could pet him up.

00:43:21.000 I could pick him up.

00:43:22.000 And once I started petting him, he would purr so loud.

00:43:25.000 But it was like the person who never got touched.

00:43:27.000 It was the weirdest thing.

00:43:27.000 Yeah.

00:43:30.000 He would go from...

00:43:30.000 Scared at everything.

00:43:32.000 You pick him up.

00:43:33.000 Dude, it's alright.

00:43:33.000 It's alright.

00:43:36.000 Like immediately, like really loud purr. 1.00

00:43:38.000 Like the poor guy, his whatever months of his life where he was wild before I got a hold of him, just fucked his head up. 0.96

00:43:46.000 Like trying to maintain in your home a feral cat is a very unique situation. 0.98

00:43:52.000 Taught me a lot.

00:43:54.000 Did the behavior change after he got neutered?

00:43:57.000 The behavior never changed.

00:43:59.000 I mean, he was always cool only with me.

00:43:59.000 No.

00:44:03.000 That's it.

00:44:04.000 No other people.

00:44:05.000 That's it.

00:44:06.000 He liked my cats.

00:44:07.000 My cats and him were very close.

00:44:08.000 He would hang out with them.

00:44:10.000 Everybody was groovy.

00:44:11.000 But there was no other person that was allowed to pick him up.

00:44:13.000 He just wouldn't have it.

00:44:14.000 And he wouldn't have it sometimes from me.

00:44:16.000 Yeah.

00:44:17.000 Dude, he knew me from the time he was a little baby, and I had him for at least seven or eight years.

00:44:22.000 How did you find him?

00:44:23.000 My friend found him.

00:44:24.000 Her and her boyfriend were living in this apartment, and underneath it there was a cat that had given birth to a bunch of kittens.

00:44:41.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:44:53.000 Just fucking hissing and sputtering. 1.00

00:44:56.000 And then you realize, like, man, if you're that fucked up from, like, that first couple months, like, your view of the world is that dangerous. 1.00

00:45:04.000 I mean, you're literally wild in the street. 0.99

00:45:06.000 No one's petting you.

00:45:07.000 You know, you're not getting a little can of tuna in front of you.

00:45:10.000 Oh, do you like it?

00:45:12.000 No.

00:45:12.000 It's full-on instinct.

00:45:14.000 You're eating anything that moves.

00:45:14.000 You're eating bugs.

00:45:15.000 And you're fighting other cats to get to the bugs.

00:45:18.000 And, you know, your parents are trying to bring you back food.

00:45:18.000 Yeah.

00:45:20.000 You're barely staying alive.

00:45:22.000 Mm.

00:45:22.000 And so he goes from that to all of a sudden he's hanging out with me in my house and he's eating cat food.

00:45:28.000 He's got cat food every day.

00:45:29.000 He can't believe the food's still here every day.

00:45:32.000 It was really weird.

00:45:33.000 Will he overeat if you leave out food?

00:45:36.000 He's dead now.

00:45:37.000 But he didn't overeat.

00:45:40.000 He normalized to the point where walking around the house, he didn't look like he was constantly in terror. 0.99

00:45:47.000 But if you got too close to him, He would be like, what the fuck you planning? 0.98

00:45:52.000 When he was by himself, he was fine. 0.99

00:45:55.000 He was cool.

00:45:56.000 He would just chill out and you'd catch him sunning himself by the window.

00:45:59.000 Everything was groovy.

00:46:00.000 So when people got too close to him, he just never was totally sure.

00:46:04.000 Never was totally sure.

00:46:06.000 You know, it reminded me of when you talked about grabbing him in the laundry basket.

00:46:10.000 Do you remember back in Boston, you were out one night with Jennifer, and I was home, and I swear to God, on my father's grave this happened.

00:46:19.000 I rented Batman at the Blockbuster, and I put it in, and I'm sitting at home, and I'm watching it, and then all of a sudden I see this shadow.

00:46:29.000 And then I turn my head and I see another shadow.

00:46:31.000 And I look up and there's a bat flying around the apartment.

00:46:35.000 And I'm like, what?

00:46:36.000 And I'm scared shitless of bats.

00:46:40.000 Like, it's like my thing.

00:46:42.000 And it's like, ever since I was a kid, my aunt had this bar near her, and they had bats, and they would be telling me they were fruit bats, and if they bite you, you'll get rabies, and you'll die. 0.96

00:46:50.000 And we would always be outside playing tag at night, and the fucking bats would fly by, and I'd freak out.

00:46:56.000 And so, I'm alone in the apartment, and there's a bat flying around, and Batman is on TV. And so, all I knew is they go in your hair, which I think is, like, not even true. 0.96

00:47:07.000 So I put on a baseball cap backwards...

00:47:10.000 And I had on sunglasses and a tennis racket.

00:47:13.000 I didn't want him going in my eyes!

00:47:17.000 He's gonna go for my eyes!

00:47:19.000 That's so funny.

00:47:20.000 So I'm running around the apartment.

00:47:22.000 I'm swinging at him.

00:47:23.000 He's taking off.

00:47:24.000 He's like, you know, he's just, they're erratic. 0.98

00:47:26.000 The way they fly, you don't know where they're fucking going. 0.92

00:47:28.000 And this goes on for like 10 minutes and then there's like a standoff and I'm waiting. 0.99

00:47:32.000 And then I hear you coming up the stairs and you came in and you open the door and you go, What the fuck are you doing? 0.99

00:47:38.000 There's a bat in here. 0.99

00:47:39.000 And you just grabbed the tennis racket out of my hand and you walked up and he was in the window and you just bashed him once and he just went down.

00:47:47.000 And then you just walked over and you had takeout in your hand and you just went into the kitchen and started eating it.

00:47:51.000 I'm standing there with sunglasses and a hat on.

00:47:54.000 I remember that.

00:47:56.000 That's hilarious.

00:47:59.000 That's hilarious. 0.99

00:48:00.000 I probably wouldn't have even killed it if you weren't already trying to kill it. 0.99

00:48:02.000 I think you might...

00:48:04.000 I called the animal people to come get it because it looked like it was stunned.

00:48:09.000 So I don't know if he was actually dead.

00:48:10.000 He might have been sick.

00:48:11.000 Oh, you mean once I hit it?

00:48:13.000 Yeah.

00:48:13.000 No, it was dead.

00:48:14.000 Yeah, I remember I killed it. 0.89

00:48:14.000 It was probably dead. 0.89

00:48:15.000 Yeah.

00:48:16.000 I remember I'm like, I'm not going to have this thing suffer.

00:48:18.000 I don't remember what I did, but I remember there was some hitting involved.

00:48:21.000 I'm pretty sure it was the tennis racket.

00:48:23.000 Could have been.

00:48:24.000 Yeah.

00:48:24.000 Yeah, I remember that.

00:48:25.000 But you were fearless. 1.00

00:48:26.000 I was like, fuck, man. 1.00

00:48:28.000 Well, I don't like bats, but I do know that on very rare, very rare occasions, bats have rabies. 1.00

00:48:36.000 Yeah.

00:48:37.000 It's very, very rare.

00:48:39.000 Same thing with squirrels.

00:48:41.000 Very rare.

00:48:41.000 They have rabies.

00:48:43.000 I'm not taking any fucking chances. 0.99

00:48:43.000 But... 0.99

00:48:45.000 I'm not getting rabies, dude.

00:48:46.000 You get rabies, you have some crazy shot they put through your stomach.

00:48:50.000 In retrospect, probably could have tried to save the thing, but it might have been sick, too.

00:48:55.000 Yeah, it had flown in.

00:48:56.000 There was a lot of bats in that neighborhood in Brookline.

00:48:59.000 Yeah, there were.

00:49:00.000 Raccoons, too, right?

00:49:01.000 Remember those raccoons?

00:49:02.000 A lot of raccoons, yeah.

00:49:03.000 Here in LA, you get rats.

00:49:07.000 Oh, yeah.

00:49:29.000 There's been many instances.

00:49:30.000 I mean, they don't have, like, rules.

00:49:32.000 They're opportunists.

00:49:34.000 And if you have a three-year-old and it's wandering around naked, a coyote will eat it. 0.99

00:49:37.000 I mean, it's a fucked up thing to say because most people don't leave their three-year-olds alone. 0.98

00:49:41.000 But, you know, coyotes are creepy. 0.99

00:49:43.000 But they do keep rat populations down.

00:49:46.000 And, like, there is a balance that has to be... 0.90

00:49:48.000 Unless we're going to kill all the rats, too. 1.00

00:49:50.000 Like, we're just going to be the executioners of the fucking natural world. 1.00

00:49:53.000 It doesn't work like that. 0.99

00:49:55.000 It doesn't work like that.

00:49:55.000 So when you force coyotes out of neighborhoods, which I agree with, it's a two-edged sword.

00:50:01.000 I don't want coyotes killing my friend's dog.

00:50:03.000 That's a sad thing.

00:50:06.000 I think it was one of the guys that worked on Fear Factor.

00:50:08.000 I forget who it was.

00:50:09.000 In his neighborhood, this lady was walking her dog in Brentwood. 1.00

00:50:13.000 And this fucking coyote came running up behind her. 0.99

00:50:15.000 She said she just heard click, [... 1.00

00:50:18.000 And she didn't even know what it was. 0.99

00:50:19.000 And it just snatched her fucking dog right off the leash and ran with it. 1.00

00:50:22.000 Yeah? 1.00

00:50:23.000 Just grabbed it right in front of her.

00:50:25.000 She screamed. 0.67

00:50:25.000 She let go of the leash. 0.67

00:50:27.000 The coyote ran off with her dog. 0.96

00:50:28.000 Wow.

00:50:29.000 Killed it right in front of her. 0.98

00:50:31.000 Brazen. 0.97

00:50:32.000 That's brutal.

00:50:33.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:50:34.000 So, I would rather have rat traps out than those little fucking cunty dog-eating monsters. 1.00

00:50:39.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:50:39.000 They'll eat dogs, man. 1.00

00:50:41.000 I mean, that is on a diet.

00:50:43.000 Because...

00:50:44.000 I guess, are coyotes related to wolves? 1.00

00:50:46.000 Fuck yeah. 1.00

00:50:47.000 They're dogs. 1.00

00:50:48.000 They're all dogs.

00:50:49.000 Right.

00:50:49.000 Everything comes from wolves.

00:50:50.000 Because you gotta think, if you come from a wolf, and you're now a coyote, you're pretty badass.

00:50:57.000 And then you see an Americanized, like, a small dog, they are not very tough.

00:51:02.000 You probably don't even see it as the same species as you.

00:51:05.000 That's just an easy, soft lunch. 0.93

00:51:07.000 Well, what's fucked is that coyotes are actually so clever that they will get dogs to think that they're their friends. 0.80

00:51:14.000 Like, they come around. 0.96

00:51:15.000 They hang out with them.

00:51:16.000 They're right outside the fence.

00:51:17.000 Yeah.

00:51:17.000 Like, my neighbor has this little dog.

00:51:19.000 He has a beagle.

00:51:20.000 And he says, the coyote comes out, and the dog starts wagging its tail.

00:51:24.000 Like, look, my friend is here.

00:51:25.000 But meanwhile, that coyote will eat that beagle. 0.99

00:51:28.000 The beagle thinks everybody's like him. 0.99

00:51:30.000 You know, at 4 o'clock in the afternoon, the food gets put into a bowl, and his tail wags, and he waddles his little fucking chubby body over to the bowl, and he eats. 0.98

00:51:39.000 And meanwhile, outside, it's this thing. 0.99

00:51:41.000 His ribs are showing, and it's getting... 0.99

00:51:43.000 Big, long face just designed for snatching shit up. 0.99

00:51:47.000 And it's like, come on, man. 1.00

00:51:48.000 Come on outside and play.

00:51:50.000 Hey, I'm your friend, Mr. Beagle.

00:51:52.000 I like you.

00:51:53.000 Come on out, man.

00:51:54.000 Look at my tail.

00:51:55.000 Look, the door's open, man.

00:51:56.000 What?

00:51:57.000 The door's open.

00:51:58.000 Should I come out?

00:51:59.000 Come on.

00:51:59.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:52:00.000 Just use your nose.

00:52:01.000 Use your nose.

00:52:01.000 Open the door.

00:52:02.000 Come on.

00:52:04.000 Come here.

00:52:05.000 Check this out.

00:52:06.000 Check this out.

00:52:06.000 Run with them.

00:52:07.000 Oh, yeah.

00:52:08.000 Poor Beagle.

00:52:08.000 I was on playing golf recently and this coyote just came out on the course.

00:52:13.000 Just looked at us.

00:52:14.000 Wasn't scared at all.

00:52:16.000 Yeah.

00:52:17.000 They're slippery.

00:52:18.000 Because, you know, I'm not saying I hate them.

00:52:20.000 I think there's something beautiful about their existence.

00:52:24.000 I don't want to do it.

00:52:25.000 But there's something beautiful about this.

00:52:28.000 This animal that lives just adjacent to civilization, intertwined slightly, occasionally dips into their world and steals a cat.

00:52:39.000 Last ones to leave the party.

00:52:41.000 See, they got one of my chickens.

00:52:42.000 I watched it jump over the fence with my chicken.

00:52:45.000 Yeah, recently.

00:52:45.000 Yeah?

00:52:48.000 It jumped over, like I had a fountain, and it jumped onto the fountain and then right over the fence. 0.72

00:52:53.000 I got the fountain right up, like one of those little portable little fountains.

00:52:56.000 With the chicken in his mouth, just boom.

00:52:58.000 Just right over.

00:52:59.000 It's a nice meal for him, huh?

00:53:00.000 He's done it a hundred times before.

00:53:01.000 Yeah.

00:53:02.000 I had a chicken in one of the, not in the regular pen, but in another box.

00:53:06.000 When chickens brood, you have to take them away from the rest of the chickens.

00:53:12.000 You've got to take them out of their box.

00:53:14.000 You've got to force them to sit on a perch for usually a day or two, and then they calm down, they get out of it.

00:53:19.000 But if you don't, they'll start picking their feathers off. 0.64

00:53:22.000 And what it is is like females. 1.00

00:53:24.000 In the natural world of chickens, they want to fuck a rooster and they want the egg that they give, you know, they make an egg almost every day. 0.99

00:53:32.000 But most of the time those eggs are unfertilized. 0.98

00:53:34.000 So the eggs that we eat are unfertilized eggs. 0.98

00:53:36.000 I didn't even fucking know this. 0.97

00:53:37.000 I was in my 40s. 0.99

00:53:38.000 I thought that all eggs could be chum chickens if you just laid on them, which is really retarded. 1.00

00:53:44.000 I had no idea that chickens just lay an egg every day, whether or not they're pregnant or not.

00:53:50.000 So how do they know which ones to sit on?

00:53:52.000 They don't.

00:53:53.000 I mean, you know, when you leave the eggs there, some of them they'll, like, I guess, like, some of them sometimes they'll peck away at their eggs and they'll eat them.

00:54:02.000 And you have to, like, make sure that they don't do that. 1.00

00:54:04.000 They're really stupid, man. 1.00

00:54:05.000 They're stupid as fuck. 1.00

00:54:05.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:54:06.000 But when they get broody, when they get broody is when they think that somehow or another one of these eggs, even though there's no rooster, is going to become a baby.

00:54:13.000 So they sit on it and they don't want to get off of it.

00:54:15.000 And then they start pecking at their belly and fluffing it up and it gets ugly.

00:54:19.000 But you can fix it as long as you catch it early.

00:54:22.000 You catch it early, you just put them on a perch.

00:54:24.000 So it was a smaller box and the coyote got under it and smashed the bottom of it and stole the chicken. 1.00

00:54:30.000 It's fucked up, man. 1.00

00:54:32.000 Clever little cunt. 1.00

00:54:33.000 You ever get attacked by a chicken? 1.00

00:54:36.000 They never bit you?

00:54:36.000 No, but if they did, that would be the end of their life.

00:54:39.000 That's my rules.

00:54:40.000 Right, yeah.

00:54:41.000 I'm just kidding.

00:54:43.000 Oh, you don't raise them to eat them?

00:54:45.000 No, they're little pets.

00:54:47.000 Oh, really?

00:54:48.000 They're pets that make food. 1.00

00:54:50.000 I feel bad I was more sensitive to the loss of your chicken.

00:54:53.000 No, I mean, I would.

00:54:54.000 I would do that.

00:54:56.000 You name them?

00:54:57.000 Yeah, I don't.

00:54:58.000 My kids do.

00:54:59.000 I don't...

00:55:02.000 I don't have any desire to eat these chickens.

00:55:05.000 Like, they're cool.

00:55:06.000 I like having them around.

00:55:07.000 I like eating their eggs.

00:55:09.000 But it's a really weird thing that I buy other chicken from a grocery store.

00:55:14.000 Like, I'll go to a grocery store and buy chickens. 1.00

00:55:16.000 These completely murdered, fucked up chickens. 1.00

00:55:19.000 You don't get to ever look at its face. 1.00

00:55:21.000 You don't have to cut its neck and see its last blood drip out of it.

00:55:25.000 You don't have to really recognize what it is you're doing when you're eating a chicken.

00:55:29.000 You're just letting the supermarket hitman take care of all the...

00:55:32.000 Dirty work for you.

00:55:34.000 Well, it's almost like we've got this hamster that's in a cage in our house, which is really, to me, the saddest thing in the world because he's alone and nobody holds him.

00:55:42.000 My daughter picks him up like once a week for about 20 minutes, tops.

00:55:46.000 Wow.

00:55:46.000 And the rest of the time he gnaws on the bars to get out.

00:55:49.000 Oh, God. 0.97

00:55:49.000 And I just think, like, this is the most pathetic existential existence this thing lives in. 0.97

00:55:54.000 And I hate that we have him as a pet. 0.96

00:55:58.000 And then we had a mouse that was loose, and we set a trap. 0.99

00:56:01.000 And I was like, this mouse and that hamster are a fucking chromosome apart. 0.99

00:56:05.000 And one of them we hold and pat and give a little bath and a little fucking butter dish. 1.00

00:56:10.000 And the other one I'm trying to snap his neck with a spring. 0.99

00:56:13.000 Well, how about squirrels, man?

00:56:15.000 I mean, squirrels have this free ride in the rodent community.

00:56:19.000 Nobody hates squirrels.

00:56:21.000 Everybody hates rats.

00:56:23.000 But squirrels, all they had to do was get cute.

00:56:26.000 All they have to do, listen, just stay an herbivore, don't go eating any animal protein, and grow something pretty.

00:56:33.000 Grow a big fluffy tail that looks cute.

00:56:36.000 Do a little tail show.

00:56:37.000 They do a little tail show.

00:56:38.000 They chew on their little nuts.

00:56:40.000 And everybody thinks they're cute.

00:56:42.000 Little kids walk up to these wild rodents, and they'll give them nuts. 1.00

00:56:46.000 Could you imagine if you saw your little kid walking up to a fucking rat? 1.00

00:56:50.000 How much you'd be terrified? 1.00

00:56:54.000 But we're so confident in their behavior that we'll just walk up to them, give them peanuts and shit. 0.99

00:57:01.000 I used to love squirrels. 0.99

00:57:02.000 We had them where I grew up.

00:57:03.000 I used to feed them all the time, give them little peanuts.

00:57:06.000 There's a park in North Hollywood that you could go to, and these squirrels, apparently people have been feeding them forever.

00:57:12.000 So they come up to you and they see you and they're like, you?

00:57:15.000 You got something for me?

00:57:16.000 And I watched this one dude, this old Chinese guy, he laid down on a blanket and he had a bag of peanuts and he would just slowly like reach his hand out and the squirrels would come over and just take it from him.

00:57:26.000 They were so confident.

00:57:28.000 I mean, he's holding the peanut, they're just taking it from him, and they just step back just a little bit and they would eat it.

00:57:33.000 They didn't worry about him at all.

00:57:34.000 It's true.

00:57:34.000 They're just a rodent that got cute.

00:57:36.000 That's it.

00:57:36.000 I mean, it's like going back to the wolf.

00:57:38.000 Like, the dogs that we have today are just the wolves that were able to be around man. 0.96

00:57:44.000 They were able to chill the fuck out, grab some scraps. 0.78

00:57:47.000 Man liked him because he was protection.

00:57:49.000 Yeah.

00:57:50.000 Wolf liked the man because he was giving him food, but it weeded out the vicious ones until they got smaller and cuter, and we crafted them to be the little lapdogs that we wanted.

00:57:59.000 The crazy thing is how short of a time it takes to do that, to change these animals.

00:58:05.000 Like, we don't know how long it took before wolves became dogs, but...

00:58:10.000 They did this experiment.

00:58:11.000 They did a...

00:58:12.000 I was listening to this podcast on Radiolab.

00:58:14.000 I forget the name of it, but it was about wolves.

00:58:16.000 And they did this experiment on...

00:58:18.000 Oh, it was about dogs. 0.99

00:58:20.000 Dogs and their wild nature, whatever the fuck it was. 0.98

00:58:22.000 But they did this experiment with foxes, where this guy was raising foxes. 0.99

00:58:28.000 And whenever he would go towards the cage where the fox were...

00:58:34.000 If the foxes were scared of him, if they, like, feared him, if there was any, like, aggression towards him, he'd kill those foxes.

00:58:44.000 So the only foxes that he let stay alive were the foxes that were actually, like, happy to see people.

00:58:51.000 And then over time, they did this over a period of, like, ten years, they literally changed the way the foxes looked.

00:58:57.000 They changed the way their face looked.

00:58:59.000 Their face became smaller.

00:59:01.000 Their bones became more petite.

00:59:03.000 They became different colors.

00:59:05.000 Their colors changed.

00:59:07.000 Their overall, even the males, their bodies became much more feminine. 0.51

00:59:11.000 And they became domesticated like in 10 years to the point where you would go near the fox cage and they would wag their tail and like whimper to be near you.

00:59:20.000 Like they wanted to be near people. 0.99

00:59:22.000 And they were in a fucking fur factory. 1.00

00:59:25.000 Essentially. 1.00

00:59:25.000 They're killing these things. 1.00

00:59:25.000 Wow. 1.00

00:59:27.000 Yeah.

00:59:27.000 And this guy recorded all this stuff and did these studies over a period of like 10 years.

00:59:34.000 Changed the foxes that he had.

00:59:36.000 Changed them.

00:59:37.000 Sounds like a George Orwell book.

00:59:38.000 It was something about the reaction to adrenaline.

00:59:40.000 That some of these animals didn't have the same reaction to adrenaline, the same response to seeing strangers.

00:59:47.000 And that those, by favoring those...

00:59:49.000 You sort of domesticated this animal like very quickly and the idea behind it was they were trying to make an analogy towards people like that we're kind of doing that with society if you look at the way people used to be like there was some study recently about hunter-gatherers and the difference between their bones and our bones that their bones were much more dense and because these people were working from the time they were babies I mean they just never stopped like picking things up and Climbing

01:00:20.000 hills and like they were constantly at work.

01:00:22.000 But we're becoming like more and more fragile as we sit at desks all day and sit in our car to get to our desk and sit on the couch to watch TV after you're done and then read a book in bed. 0.99

01:00:34.000 I mean fucking we're falling apart. 0.99

01:00:35.000 We're like mush. 1.00

01:00:37.000 And that, you know, when you really think about that, like that's kind of very similar to what is happening with those foxes.

01:00:45.000 It's just a matter of preferring one type of behavior, not breeding with the other ones.

01:00:52.000 And I think their premise was about like the best way to eliminate like war. 0.99

01:00:57.000 And eliminate all these different negative aspects of our culture would be for, and people have said this, for people like that to just, people to stop fucking them. 1.00

01:01:09.000 Stop fucking the savages? 1.00

01:01:10.000 Stop fucking all the people that want to go to war. 1.00

01:01:12.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:01:12.000 As a rule, like all across the world, if women just stop fucking all men who want to go to war. 1.00

01:01:19.000 Yeah. 0.98

01:01:20.000 Well, if you think about it, and stay with me on this because it's a little dark, but if the people that are natural soldiers, they are going to war, and they are dying without breeding as much as the guys that are afraid to go to war.

01:01:34.000 Right.

01:01:35.000 So in a sense, there is some natural selection.

01:01:37.000 If that is a gene, if there is a gene that makes you more, you know, likely to want to go to battle.

01:01:46.000 That kind of makes sense.

01:01:48.000 Someone's car alarm.

01:01:49.000 Yeah.

01:01:49.000 Isn't that hilarious?

01:01:50.000 Like, back in the day, car alarms were like something that anybody took seriously.

01:01:54.000 Like, oh my god.

01:01:55.000 Yeah.

01:01:55.000 There's a car alarm going on.

01:01:57.000 I bet this is a crime. 1.00

01:01:59.000 Now it's like, asshole. 1.00

01:02:01.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:02:02.000 Is that in the back or in the front?

01:02:06.000 Front?

01:02:08.000 Yeah, you go take a look at it if you want.

01:02:11.000 Just make sure it's not one of ours.

01:02:13.000 One of ours?

01:02:14.000 Yeah, I mean, what if somebody hit your car and that's why the alarm's going on?

01:02:17.000 Yeah.

01:02:18.000 That is possible.

01:02:20.000 It's in the back.

01:02:21.000 Oh, then don't worry about it. 1.00

01:02:25.000 Fucking these people. 1.00

01:02:27.000 Remember those ones that would do like different... 1.00

01:02:33.000 I remember when I lived in Little Italy, this fucking Cadillac got tapped and it played the theme from The Godfather. 0.98

01:02:45.000 That's hilarious. 0.98

01:02:47.000 Remember everybody used to have that one alarm?

01:02:50.000 That one type of alarm?

01:02:57.000 You would hear that. 1.00

01:02:59.000 You'd be like, fuck. 0.99

01:03:01.000 There's always somebody bumping into it while they were parking. 0.99

01:03:03.000 And they used to go for way longer.

01:03:06.000 Now usually people are near their car.

01:03:09.000 It's almost always somebody set it off by accident, which means it usually stops pretty quickly.

01:03:14.000 But back then it would go on for 10, 15 minutes. 1.00

01:03:17.000 And you'd be going out of your fucking mind. 0.99

01:03:18.000 You're sitting there trying to write on your computer or whatever. 1.00

01:03:21.000 Death! 1.00

01:03:22.000 Yeah, those things are fucking distracting as shit. 1.00

01:03:25.000 When they came along with noise-reducing headphones, that was a beautiful thing. 0.99

01:03:29.000 To be able to sit and have...

01:03:31.000 If you had noise-reducing headphones on right now, you could totally filter that out.

01:03:35.000 Most of it.

01:03:35.000 Well, the mics probably didn't pick up on that.

01:03:38.000 Do you think they did?

01:03:39.000 Yeah, if somebody's got headphones on, I bet they could hear it. 0.97

01:03:42.000 That was pretty fucking loud. 0.68

01:03:43.000 But those Bose ones, I mean, I've got a pair. 0.98

01:03:45.000 I've had the same pair.

01:03:46.000 Put it this way.

01:03:47.000 I've had them long enough that I got replacement.

01:03:49.000 You know, the rubber padding thing in the middle?

01:03:51.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:03:51.000 I was in a Bose store, and I was like, oh, fuck, you can buy replacements? 0.99

01:03:54.000 Because I had stopped using them because they just wore out. 0.98

01:03:57.000 And I popped in some new ones.

01:03:58.000 I swear to God, 10 years I've had these things?

01:04:00.000 Wow.

01:04:00.000 They still, I don't think they make a better version.

01:04:03.000 It's like one of those products, you know, they make a year of it. 0.99

01:04:06.000 Like the Honda Civic in like 1982 was like a perfect fucking car. 0.99

01:04:10.000 Yeah. 0.96

01:04:11.000 There's a bunch of cars from that era that are like, to this day, like they're becoming like really valuable.

01:04:17.000 Like Volvo DLs. 0.75

01:04:18.000 Land Cruisers.

01:04:19.000 Yeah.

01:04:20.000 Those old Toyota Land Cruisers?

01:04:22.000 Yeah.

01:04:22.000 People are taking those Land Cruisers, the old ones that look like Jeeps, and even the newer ones, like after that, and they're fixing them up and selling them for over $100,000.

01:04:31.000 What?

01:04:32.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:04:32.000 No shit. 1.00

01:04:33.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:04:34.000 There's a company called Icon, and they make incredible cars, man. 0.99

01:04:39.000 I mean, it's like you're talking about very, very expensive shit, and I agree. 0.99

01:04:43.000 I mean, it's not necessarily something that I would buy, because it is a lot of fucking money. 0.99

01:04:48.000 But they take these, like, Broncos, and they take an old Bronco, they take the shell, and they completely redo it with the highest-end components, like the best suspension possible, a completely modern engine, you know, with, like, 400 horsepower. 0.97

01:05:03.000 They take a Coyote engine from the 5.0 Mustang.

01:05:07.000 So it's a Mustang GT engine, like this crate engine.

01:05:10.000 It's a beautiful engine.

01:05:11.000 They stick it in an old Bronco, those really cool old ones.

01:05:15.000 I love those bodies.

01:05:16.000 You gotta see.

01:05:16.000 Pull up.

01:05:17.000 I like the convertible ones.

01:05:18.000 Icon Bronco.

01:05:19.000 Pull up the silver one. 0.99

01:05:20.000 Because there's a fucking silver one. 0.99

01:05:22.000 So people are spending all this money for the body. 0.99

01:05:25.000 Well, it's not just the body.

01:05:26.000 It's the engineering.

01:05:28.000 Like this guy, I forget his name.

01:05:30.000 Jonathan Ward, I think his name is. 0.99

01:05:32.000 The guy who is the lead CEO, whatever the fuck he is. 0.99

01:05:37.000 President of this company. 0.99

01:05:37.000 Just leave that thing on there for a second so I can stare at it. 0.99

01:05:40.000 Good lord, that's beautiful. 1.00

01:05:41.000 Look at that fucking truck. 1.00

01:05:43.000 Look how long that hood is. 1.00

01:05:44.000 Goddamn, that's a fucking work of art, man. 1.00

01:05:47.000 It's like something you played with as a kid and dreamed of driving. 1.00

01:05:50.000 Yeah, like when you think about a regular truck, like regular trucks are cool, you know, hey, you know, you got kids, you want to pile them into an Escalade, that's cool.

01:05:58.000 But if you see that thing driving down the street, I mean, that's like some Mad Max, Apocalypto, Wonder Ride.

01:06:06.000 It's a cool west side car, too, because it looks like you could take it on the beach.

01:06:09.000 You could take that on the beach. 0.98

01:06:11.000 You could take that wherever the fuck you want to go. 0.99

01:06:13.000 Well, that's what I think about, is when the shit hits the fan, and it's going to in L.A., obviously, there's going to be some type of a terrorist strike, or there's going to be a poisoning of the water. 0.99

01:06:21.000 Easy, easy, easy, Greg Fitzsimmons. 0.99

01:06:23.000 I want to have...

01:06:24.000 I have a Prius and my wife has a Toyota Highlander.

01:06:27.000 So if I want to get out, I know the way out.

01:06:30.000 Because if I live in Venice, I'm the last one in line for the 10, for the 405, for the Pacific Coast Highway.

01:06:37.000 We're the last ones to leave LA. Like, lock up on our way out.

01:06:42.000 Everyone's in front of us.

01:06:43.000 Right.

01:06:44.000 So I think, well, you've got two options.

01:06:46.000 One of them is to jump on a boat. 0.97

01:06:48.000 You've got to be able to jerry-rig a simple little fucking motorboat, go off to Catalina Island, wait it out. 0.84

01:06:54.000 The other option is, because when I was a teenager, we used to ride motorcycles on the power lines. 0.98

01:07:00.000 What?

01:07:00.000 Because wherever there's power lines, they have to have a path cleared underneath it so they can service the power lines.

01:07:06.000 So if you drive dirt bikes, you always know if there's power lines, there's a good trail underneath it.

01:07:10.000 Wow.

01:07:11.000 So if you want to get out of LA, you get on one of those power lines, but you need a truck like that.

01:07:17.000 You need something with a lot of clearance, big fat wheels.

01:07:21.000 Dude, do you want to live if the apocalypse hits?

01:07:25.000 Okay, there's stages of the apocalypse.

01:07:27.000 There's a power goes out apocalypse. 0.72

01:07:29.000 That's going to suck.

01:07:30.000 Especially if it's in July. 1.00

01:07:31.000 People are going to be hot as fuck. 0.97

01:07:33.000 No one's going to know what to do. 0.97

01:07:34.000 People are going to be camping out on the beach because they can't live in the valley in the middle of the summer.

01:07:38.000 There's going to be some shortages of food for sure.

01:07:41.000 There's going to be some looting for sure.

01:07:43.000 You can't pump gas because they're all electric pumps.

01:07:45.000 It's going to be a real problem until they figure out how to get the power back on.

01:07:48.000 And, you know, there's been situations in other parts of the world where power in a modern city has been off for weeks.

01:07:54.000 Like Toronto apparently had some crazy ice storm in the 90s. 0.78

01:07:58.000 And, you know, it was like fucking zero below, you know, 10 below zero, something like that. 0.98

01:08:02.000 Horrible, horrible weather. 0.97

01:08:04.000 You know Celsius whatever they do up there and These people have no power for like two fucking weeks and in Toronto Wow in the middle of the winter So that it could happen in LA man if it happened in LA in the summer if you get ugly quick So that would be one that's like one kind of apocalypse. 0.91

01:08:20.000 Okay, I can handle that.

01:08:21.000 That's not that bad But the real bad one is like super volcano Earthquake Asteroidal impact.

01:08:29.000 Those are the big ones.

01:08:31.000 Tsunami.

01:08:32.000 I mean, I'm right in a tsunami zone.

01:08:34.000 You probably are.

01:08:35.000 I am, because the way the bay is shaped, you know, you've got, you know, from the Palisades down to whatever, Manhattan Beach is all one half circle, basically.

01:08:45.000 And Venice is in the center of that half circle.

01:08:47.000 So as the water is rushing in from a tsunami, it's all getting channeled into one opening, which is Venice Beach. 0.99

01:08:55.000 That shit's going to come straight down Venice Boulevard. 0.99

01:08:58.000 Take everything out. 1.00

01:08:59.000 The canals.

01:09:00.000 Canals will be underwater.

01:09:01.000 That's right.

01:09:01.000 It's canals.

01:09:02.000 They have canals right through the city.

01:09:04.000 Get out now.

01:09:05.000 Get out now.

01:09:05.000 Actually, we moved up the hill.

01:09:07.000 We moved from Venice to Mar Vista, which is about a mile, but it's straight uphill. 0.99

01:09:12.000 The people that live on the beach, like right on the water, are bold as fuck. 1.00

01:09:16.000 Bold as fuck. 1.00

01:09:17.000 You have to have either some mad loot, whether it's like house number five, some CEO of Q-tips or some shit. 1.00

01:09:27.000 And his house is shaped like a Q-tip, and the servants replaced with real cotton every day. 0.98

01:09:35.000 That would be it.

01:09:36.000 Q-tips, man.

01:09:37.000 Because people are not going to stop using Q-tips.

01:09:40.000 No.

01:09:41.000 And there's no, like, nobody wants the generic ones because the generic ones are like, they get flat. 0.99

01:09:46.000 Q-tips stay fluffy as shit. 0.99

01:09:48.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:09:49.000 Who's the asshole that makes those fake Q-tips with plastic stems? 1.00

01:09:53.000 Oh, yeah. 1.00

01:09:54.000 You cut the inside of your ear because you're digging around and the fucking cotton falls right off. 1.00

01:09:59.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:10:00.000 Cheap fucks. 1.00

01:10:01.000 Now you've got a cocktail straw in your ear. 0.99

01:10:03.000 Now the real Q-tips is like one of those, again, going back to like the 82 Civic, or it's just, they made perfect products.

01:10:11.000 They nailed it.

01:10:12.000 You nail it, you got it.

01:10:14.000 Walk away.

01:10:15.000 Walk away.

01:10:16.000 You know, certain cameras, like, I don't know what kind of camera you got, but I had the...

01:10:20.000 Those old Canons, the original, like, first-generation Canon video cameras, they were Hi8.

01:10:26.000 They were beautiful pieces of machinery.

01:10:28.000 I have one that I still use to this day.

01:10:31.000 Wow. 0.97

01:10:31.000 Yeah, I mean, if you've got really good shit that does the purpose and does it at a really high level, you essentially could just maintain it forever. 0.97

01:10:41.000 That's what they've been really doing in Cuba with cars, you know. 0.94

01:10:43.000 If you go to Cuba, you look at their cars, apparently a large percentage of them are American automobiles from, like, the 50s and 60s.

01:10:50.000 Big-ass cars.

01:10:51.000 Crazy and beautiful and in really good shape. 0.81

01:10:53.000 Oh, yeah.

01:10:54.000 And I think that's what that guy's doing with those icons.

01:10:56.000 He's just taking these old cars and just putting the best components on it and building, you know, like, what it could have been.

01:11:04.000 Oh, yeah.

01:11:04.000 Guys from Europe come over here and they buy muscle cars and they just ship them right over to Germany.

01:11:09.000 Double it.

01:11:10.000 They're worth a lot of money in other countries, I'm sure.

01:11:12.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:11:12.000 There's a flavor those things have, too.

01:11:14.000 Those American muscle cars that, like...

01:11:16.000 The best engineered cars, in my opinion, are like the Japanese and the German and some of the Italians.

01:11:22.000 They have some amazing engineered cars.

01:11:24.000 But like the coolest cars?

01:11:26.000 There's no question.

01:11:28.000 Like just straight cool.

01:11:30.000 69 Mustang rolls up.

01:11:32.000 That's it. 1.00

01:11:32.000 Just shut the fuck up. 1.00

01:11:33.000 That's it. 1.00

01:11:34.000 Everybody shut the fuck up. 1.00

01:11:35.000 You have a Ferrari and a Lamborghini. 1.00

01:11:37.000 Your doors open up like wings.

01:11:40.000 Stop.

01:11:41.000 Just stop.

01:11:42.000 If somebody pulls up one of those Eleanor Mustangs, one of those 67 GT500s, just good lord what a beautiful car that is.

01:11:50.000 Yeah, so simple.

01:11:52.000 They just nailed it.

01:11:53.000 Yeah.

01:11:54.000 Like those Corvettes.

01:11:55.000 Like, you ever see those Corvettes from like 1968, 69?

01:12:00.000 That Stingray car?

01:12:03.000 Yeah, the Stingray. 1.00

01:12:03.000 You know, that beautiful fucking... 1.00

01:12:05.000 And the wide tires and the wide back end. 0.99

01:12:09.000 Yeah.

01:12:09.000 That rumble, that engine.

01:12:11.000 It looked like a lion about to pounce with big back haunches and just...

01:12:16.000 They just nailed it. 0.99

01:12:17.000 I don't know what drugs they were doing when they were designing cars in the 60s, but they just fucking nailed it. 0.98

01:12:22.000 Thunderbirds. 0.97

01:12:22.000 They nailed it over and over again. 0.97

01:12:25.000 Barracudas.

01:12:26.000 Cadillacs. 1.00

01:12:27.000 Yeah, they were creating these fucking masterpieces. 1.00

01:12:30.000 Yeah, yeah. 0.99

01:12:30.000 They're getting back to that now, for sure. 0.99

01:12:32.000 The cars look better today than they did for a long time. 0.98

01:12:35.000 But I would really like to know, what the fuck happened?

01:12:38.000 What happened in the 1980s where things went so bad? 0.97

01:12:43.000 I know there's peaks and valleys in a lot of things, but in American automobile design, it doesn't make any sense.

01:12:49.000 Yeah, and at the exact same time as when the Japanese cars started coming out, just when we needed to be at our best to compete, we suddenly just...

01:12:56.000 I don't know, the factories, were they...

01:13:00.000 I don't know.

01:13:00.000 I bet there's probably two versions of the story.

01:13:02.000 There's the pro-union version and the con-union version.

01:13:06.000 Yeah.

01:13:06.000 Oh, I'm sure there's a lot of people that blame the unions.

01:13:09.000 I mean, it's tough because I was just talking to somebody who's very pro-union yesterday.

01:13:13.000 And I'm very pro-union, but I'm starting to slip a little bit in some ways.

01:13:18.000 Like, I'm in the Writers Guild, and I'm very, you know, I walked the walk.

01:13:21.000 I walked away from a deal so I could walk the picket line.

01:13:24.000 And my dad was in the radio union after for his whole career.

01:13:27.000 That's what left my mom a pension. 0.60

01:13:30.000 And I believe that there should be a living wage for people. 0.99

01:13:33.000 But I also think, God, how do we fix these fucking corrupt, broken engines? 0.99

01:13:38.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:13:38.000 Like what corrupt broken engines union-wise? 0.99

01:13:41.000 You mean like things like...

01:13:42.000 Well, construction, certain, you know...

01:13:45.000 Teamsters.

01:13:45.000 Yeah, if you want to build something, it's really gotten to the point where you're just getting squoze from every direction.

01:13:51.000 And it's adding, you know, I'd rather see another guy get a job than see the union just absorb that much more money.

01:13:59.000 Well, any times you have bureaucracy, any time you have a large number of people that are involved in something that really only needs a couple people.

01:14:09.000 I mean, how many people really need to be involved in going over your construction plans?

01:14:14.000 Or how many people really need...

01:14:15.000 I mean, once you establish environmental parameters and stuff like that, We're good to go.

01:14:41.000 And they're dealing with this commission in this area, this particular area, they're trying to develop a house.

01:14:47.000 And they've literally been told, you have to grease wheels.

01:14:50.000 You have to get things moving, to get things approved.

01:14:53.000 You have to get on people's good side.

01:14:55.000 They're saying things to these people to indicate that...

01:14:58.000 Like, hey, you might want to buy these people something.

01:15:00.000 You might want to bribe them.

01:15:01.000 You might want to be friends with them.

01:15:03.000 The closer you can get to these people, the easier they'll lube this process.

01:15:06.000 Like, this is so bizarre.

01:15:08.000 They have power over you.

01:15:11.000 This is not like there's real clear parameters.

01:15:14.000 This is how we operate, regardless of whether or not we like you or don't like you.

01:15:18.000 No, there's like this little wiggle room going on.

01:15:21.000 I mean, that's essentially what corruption really is, right?

01:15:23.000 It's wiggle room.

01:15:25.000 Nobody ever states it as corruption.

01:15:27.000 Nobody ever says, black and white, I'm bribing this guy.

01:15:30.000 It's just, I happen to take this guy out to dinner.

01:15:32.000 Well, it starts there.

01:15:34.000 Well, was that the difference between him going with you and going with somebody else?

01:15:38.000 Very likely.

01:15:39.000 Well, then that's a bribe.

01:15:41.000 That's true, right?

01:15:42.000 In a lot of ways. 0.98

01:15:43.000 I mean, you should be able to hire whoever the fuck you want if it's your money and your job.

01:15:47.000 But when you're talking about something like, you know, a union that's involved in construction or a union that's involved in, you know, coastal commissions, those type of things, you know, where people are deciding whether or not, the groups of people that decide whether or not this happens to you or that doesn't happen to you. 0.93

01:16:03.000 Yeah.

01:16:04.000 Things get real weird, man. 0.99

01:16:05.000 Well, Japan is ridiculous. 0.97

01:16:09.000 Apparently, they tried to build a high-speed railroad, or they did build a high-speed railroad. 0.95

01:16:14.000 Not the unions, but the different levels of bureaucracy within the government and privately were squeezing...

01:16:25.000 Yeah.

01:16:45.000 You've got to establish a living wage.

01:16:50.000 If people are working for you, and this is a valuable thing they're doing for you, you have to pay them enough so they can feed themselves and clothe themselves.

01:17:00.000 Healthcare and all the different...

01:17:03.000 Things that are going to come up mean you're a piece of their organization and they're demanding to be recognized as a valuable piece of the organization.

01:17:12.000 You can't have all the money.

01:17:13.000 That's what it is.

01:17:14.000 You have people working for you.

01:17:16.000 You need to pay them.

01:17:17.000 That makes sense. 0.98

01:17:19.000 But it's like whenever you get a group that is exploiting these laws that are in place to protect people, that's when shit gets weird. 0.97

01:17:29.000 My buddy was in the automotive industry in Detroit. 0.97

01:17:32.000 He was in the Auto Workers Union.

01:17:35.000 And he was telling me how crazy some of the contracts were and some of the gigs were.

01:17:38.000 They had this thing where you would both work.

01:17:41.000 You would have a two-man contract, meaning that this was not a two-man contract, a two-man job.

01:17:47.000 This job to run this machine, it really only took one guy.

01:17:49.000 Yeah.

01:17:50.000 But they would, the union would require two men.

01:17:53.000 So you guys get two guys get jobs.

01:17:55.000 So you're both, you would do four hours a day.

01:17:58.000 Yeah.

01:17:58.000 Like you would do four hours in the morning and I would come in at noon and I would take over and I would do the job for the next four hours.

01:18:05.000 And then you go to the gym, you go fucking have lunch. 0.94

01:18:07.000 You literally would work four hours a day. 0.99

01:18:09.000 Yeah.

01:18:09.000 And that's what they all did.

01:18:10.000 And they all were making like 150 grand a year.

01:18:13.000 Right.

01:18:13.000 I mean, it was crazy money.

01:18:15.000 He was talking about how much money these different workers were making.

01:18:18.000 He's like, you know, if you got to a certain level, Like you got benefits, you got this.

01:18:21.000 It was like super expensive to keep all those people employed at that level.

01:18:26.000 Not only that, but for that money that you're paying them, you're also paying 13% into the union, which pays for the benefits.

01:18:33.000 So that, you know, if what's $50 an hour to that worker actually costs the employer, you know, what's 12% of $50?

01:18:43.000 Six, seven dollars?

01:18:46.000 Something along those lines.

01:18:47.000 Does it matter?

01:18:48.000 Did I need to break down that math?

01:18:50.000 No, I don't think so.

01:18:51.000 I think your listeners get it.

01:18:52.000 Yeah.

01:18:53.000 I think unions, if used correctly, are a nice sort of insurance to people getting paid a fair wage and getting treated ethically and having money distributed in an ethical and fair way.

01:19:10.000 The problem with anything is things don't always go the way they should, best case scenario.

01:19:14.000 Yeah, it's almost like you've got to start over again with the unions.

01:19:17.000 The teachers' union is insane. 0.78

01:19:19.000 You've got women in there. 1.00

01:19:21.000 There's male teachers in there. 1.00

01:19:24.000 How dare you?

01:19:26.000 No, I was thinking about this one woman, though, that works at my kid's school, and she had liquor on her breath, and she was, like, you know, just ignoring the class and reading the paper, and, like, they couldn't get rid of her. 0.99

01:19:36.000 Yeah, it was just impossible to get rid of her.

01:19:39.000 There's so much you have to go through.

01:19:40.000 Well, tenure is a weird thing, man.

01:19:42.000 And I had this professor on.

01:19:43.000 You get it after three years as a teacher.

01:19:45.000 That's it?

01:19:45.000 Three years.

01:19:46.000 Welcome to the jungle, though.

01:19:47.000 You've got to survive.

01:19:48.000 Three years in Vietnam.

01:19:49.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:19:50.000 Especially in L.A. You deserve it.

01:19:51.000 You get through three years of working in L.A., babysitting kids.

01:19:55.000 You're gray-haired.

01:19:56.000 The women are bald. 0.96

01:19:57.000 You're just beaten down. 1.00

01:19:58.000 You've got ulcers and shit. 1.00

01:19:59.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:20:00.000 How many kids brought a gun to your class today?

01:20:03.000 It's a weird world, man.

01:20:05.000 It's a weird world.

01:20:06.000 There's so many haves and have-nots in this world.

01:20:08.000 There doesn't seem to be any solution or anybody reaching for it.

01:20:11.000 But that might be the one thing that's ever going to level anything out when it comes to...

01:20:15.000 Unions?

01:20:16.000 Yeah, I mean...

01:20:17.000 Having... 0.77

01:20:19.000 Having groups of people that are all behaving in an ethical way, having them in a large number, like whether it's a big group like the Actors' Union or whether it's a Carpenter's Union, it's fucking really hard.

01:20:34.000 It's really hard to get people all together in a group like that to act ethically, to just always be cool.

01:20:40.000 Just to agree.

01:20:41.000 I mean unions just split apart.

01:20:43.000 There was the Writers Guild East and the Writers Guild West.

01:20:46.000 Which effectively, you know, destroyed the power of either one.

01:20:49.000 There was AFTRA and SAG, which are both actors' unions.

01:20:52.000 They're finally combined now, but it should have been...

01:20:55.000 Right now, it should be the DGA, which is the Directors Guild, the Writers Guild, and the Actors' Union should all be under the same...

01:21:01.000 And IATSE, which is like the technical guys.

01:21:04.000 It should all be one union because what they do is the studios will line it up so that the contract for the actors' union comes up in January every two years.

01:21:14.000 But then they set up the Writers Guild to renew in February every two years.

01:21:20.000 But they make them off years.

01:21:22.000 So that way you've never got everybody lining up against you on a union contract at the same time.

01:21:28.000 And they can weaken everybody.

01:21:32.000 What kind of disagreements do they have?

01:21:34.000 When you have disagreements in the Actors Union or something like that?

01:21:37.000 Mostly it's digital downloads, which is a battle that everybody lost.

01:21:41.000 I just got a residual check on a TV show that I did.

01:21:46.000 First I got the check for the reruns on TV, the cable reruns.

01:21:50.000 Then I got the one for digital online.

01:21:53.000 And the one on cable was like $1,700 and the same usage period on digital was like $13.

01:22:01.000 And it's like probably more views digitally than it was on cable.

01:22:06.000 But we gave that away during the last strike.

01:22:09.000 Ooh, yeah.

01:22:10.000 They weren't looking down the road.

01:22:11.000 They were really fighting for network and cable re-usage, and they weren't looking at...

01:22:15.000 They missed it. 0.98

01:22:16.000 Yeah, Netflix, all this shit that's taken off. 0.99

01:22:18.000 We're barely getting a taste of it. 0.99

01:22:20.000 That's crazy.

01:22:21.000 Yeah.

01:22:21.000 They missed that.

01:22:22.000 That's a big one to miss.

01:22:23.000 It's the whole future.

01:22:24.000 Wow, that is so nuts.

01:22:26.000 Yeah.

01:22:27.000 But there's benefits, right, to having a union? 1.00

01:22:30.000 Oh, fuck yeah. 0.98

01:22:31.000 What do you think are the primary benefits of union? 0.99

01:22:33.000 Well, I've had my health coverage, because I've been in the Writers Guild for like 13 years straight, so I've had my health insurance paid for.

01:22:39.000 It's amazing coverage, low deductible, low premiums.

01:22:44.000 I think I pay like $250 a quarter or something crazy.

01:22:47.000 That's amazing.

01:22:48.000 And I'm paying $13,000.

01:22:51.000 I was in the union for 12 years, out for one year, and now I'm back in again.

01:22:57.000 And that one year that I had off, I paid $13,000 for my family.

01:23:01.000 So that's a lot of money right there.

01:23:04.000 And then you get the residuals that come in, which is big.

01:23:09.000 And...

01:23:11.000 You don't get abused.

01:23:12.000 You know, you have certain, like, you get meals, you get...

01:23:15.000 They can only work you a certain number of hours.

01:23:17.000 I mean, there's not too many people that dig in on that, but the spirit of it is there.

01:23:21.000 You know, producers know that if you're in the union, that they're not going to...

01:23:24.000 I've worked on both sides of it.

01:23:26.000 I've worked non-union jobs as a producer, not a writer, because I can't.

01:23:31.000 But I've seen the hours that you work and how you...

01:23:34.000 Writers Guild jobs, you can take an hour for lunch.

01:23:37.000 Yeah.

01:23:38.000 And you also get treated in a pretty commensurate way.

01:23:43.000 Right.

01:23:43.000 When you're in a SAG TV show or something like that, it's pretty across the board.

01:23:49.000 Everybody's pretty professional.

01:23:51.000 You've got a craft service table.

01:23:53.000 This is where your dressing room is.

01:23:55.000 You know, you're out by X amount of times.

01:23:57.000 You have a 12-hour turnover.

01:23:59.000 Like, they have all these rules.

01:24:00.000 Yeah.

01:24:00.000 They have to follow by those rules.

01:24:01.000 When they go over, like, they get all bummed out.

01:24:04.000 Like, everybody gets bummed out.

01:24:05.000 Yeah.

01:24:05.000 It's super expensive when they start going over time.

01:24:08.000 And money talks.

01:24:09.000 Yeah.

01:24:09.000 That makes them get...

01:24:10.000 There's no way, like, most shows shouldn't take more than eight hours to shoot, you know, and instead it takes 15. Why do you think that is?

01:24:20.000 I think?

01:24:38.000 So I think with cable, there's usually not a strong hand on the wheel as much as there is in network shows where there's somebody that's a showrunner that really has to answer the studio and say, no, we are done at 6 p.m.

01:24:51.000 That's it.

01:24:52.000 Maybe they go an hour long.

01:24:53.000 But I work on cable shows where I worked on one, and it was T.I.'s wife, Tiny, and her ghetto fabulous friends. 0.82

01:25:02.000 Wow.

01:25:03.000 What'd you do on that?

01:25:04.000 It was a panel show.

01:25:05.000 What was I on that?

01:25:06.000 I was the showrunner on that.

01:25:08.000 Wow.

01:25:08.000 And they came in and we were supposed to start taping at 4 o'clock.

01:25:12.000 Started at 7 p.m.

01:25:14.000 because they all were getting their hair done and it was a cat fight.

01:25:18.000 The next night we were taping again.

01:25:19.000 Supposed to be a 4 o'clock taping.

01:25:20.000 7.30.

01:25:22.000 Wow. 0.99

01:25:23.000 You know how much fucking money that is? 0.99

01:25:25.000 That's a lot of money. 0.99

01:25:26.000 You're paying everybody all their union wages for three and a half hours.

01:25:30.000 And then you're going long, which means now you're going into overtime wages on the other side.

01:25:34.000 So...

01:25:39.000 There's many good things about having a union.

01:25:41.000 There's many good things about those kind of unions. 0.99

01:25:42.000 There's some unions that are fucked, man. 0.98

01:25:44.000 There's a big dispute right now with the UFC and the culinary union. 0.99

01:25:48.000 And the culinary union is they attack the UFC and make all these websites and posts.

01:25:54.000 And they have stories that they have people write about how horrible the UFC is.

01:25:59.000 Because they want the UFC to give up.

01:26:02.000 Station Casinos owns the UFC. The UFC is owned by Zufa.

01:26:07.000 They own Station Casinos.

01:26:08.000 They own the UFC. And they own 22 casinos.

01:26:12.000 And if those casinos went union, they're not union.

01:26:15.000 They're non-union.

01:26:16.000 And I guess I might be speaking at school here.

01:26:19.000 I don't really know.

01:26:20.000 I believe, check this, that the workers don't want it to be union.

01:26:25.000 Like, they voted against it because they didn't want to pay the wages.

01:26:27.000 But if they did pay the wages, I guess they're happy with what they make.

01:26:31.000 They want to pay the dues.

01:26:32.000 The dues.

01:26:34.000 If they did do it, the culinary union would make some insane amount of money every year, millions of dollars every year.

01:26:39.000 So what they do is they have this like smear campaign, like constant smear campaign about the UFC and they hired politicians and one of them actually just got busted.

01:26:47.000 This is one of the main guys in New York that they had supposedly that had been a roadblock to getting the UFC legalized in New York.

01:26:56.000 UFC is not legal in New York.

01:26:58.000 No, still to this day.

01:26:58.000 Still?

01:26:59.000 It's illegal in New York State.

01:27:01.000 The reason being because of corrupt politicians and all goes back to the culinary union trying to keep the UFC, like trying to turn the station casinos into union casinos.

01:27:14.000 So they're spending all this money and like...

01:27:14.000 Right.

01:27:16.000 Getting people upset about the UFC and making all these nutty websites. 0.94

01:27:20.000 And anytime anybody says anything fucked up, anytime anything goes wrong, the Culinary Union just jumps all over it. 0.61

01:27:26.000 And they're just trying to muscle the UFC into relinquishing control of these casinos. 0.96

01:27:31.000 It's hilarious.

01:27:32.000 That's allegedly the story.

01:27:33.000 Obviously, I don't know all the details, so I should probably say for legal purposes, this is how it's been told to me.

01:27:39.000 But ultimately, you know that if there's a lot of money to be made, and you've got some organization that relies on keeping strong numbers of members, they're going to be financially motivated to try to make some things happen.

01:27:53.000 Smear campaigns are cheap.

01:27:54.000 I had a buddy who was in the Teamsters.

01:27:57.000 When I was a kid, when I was like 21, 22 years old, he would work the docks.

01:28:03.000 He would fillet fish all day.

01:28:05.000 And he had a dent in his hip.

01:28:07.000 And the dent in his hip was from his hip pressing up against the fish fillet table all day.

01:28:12.000 He had a dent.

01:28:13.000 Really?

01:28:14.000 One hip was like dented in.

01:28:15.000 He'd be like, hey, I thought you were right here.

01:28:16.000 It's dented.

01:28:17.000 Because he just leaned all day.

01:28:18.000 Because he leaned all day.

01:28:19.000 And he always smelt like fish.

01:28:22.000 Always smelt like fish. 1.00

01:28:23.000 This poor bastard. 1.00

01:28:25.000 I don't mean to laugh. 1.00

01:28:26.000 I mean, the guy's making a living, but what a life.

01:28:29.000 Yeah.

01:28:29.000 He was my boxing coach.

01:28:29.000 Holy shit.

01:28:31.000 And so he would rub this Vaseline stuff on your face, this stuff called Abilene, so that punches, when they hit you, they slide. 1.00

01:28:39.000 They don't cut you.

01:28:41.000 The leather doesn't cut you.

01:28:42.000 So he'd rub this stuff all over your face.

01:28:43.000 You'd just smell fish.

01:28:45.000 Fish and Abilene.

01:28:47.000 And you'd just be rubbing it in your skin.

01:28:48.000 So he was filleting fish and training as a boxer? 0.83

01:28:51.000 Yeah, he's one of the craziest guys I've ever met.

01:28:54.000 He got his finger bitten off in a street fight and they replaced it with his toe and they curved it permanently so he could still throw right hooks. 0.99

01:29:02.000 Crazy Irishman. 1.00

01:29:05.000 Joe Lake. 0.94

01:29:06.000 Which toe?

01:29:06.000 The big toe?

01:29:07.000 Love that guy.

01:29:08.000 They took the second toe.

01:29:10.000 Not the big toe, but the one next to it.

01:29:11.000 I guess you don't use that.

01:29:13.000 I guess you don't need it.

01:29:14.000 Just strengthen up those last three babies. 1.00

01:29:16.000 Yeah.

01:29:17.000 Keep that party rolling with no toe.

01:29:19.000 No.

01:29:19.000 I mean, the thing is, if you think about a finger, each one individually is doing things, but your toes are just...

01:29:24.000 You don't even really need them.

01:29:26.000 We could get rid of toes at this point.

01:29:28.000 No, they do help you.

01:29:30.000 They help you with movement.

01:29:31.000 With movement and, you know, like, they're adjustable.

01:29:34.000 Yeah, I guess you gotta balance yourself.

01:29:36.000 Like, you need toes.

01:29:36.000 Yeah.

01:29:37.000 Like, it fucks with people when they lose a toe. 0.86

01:29:39.000 They lose a lot of their ability to move around. 0.89

01:29:42.000 Yeah.

01:29:42.000 It's not the same.

01:29:43.000 I used to caddy for this guy that, uh, something happened to him in Vietnam and, uh, his feet were paralyzed. 0.92

01:29:49.000 So like his ankles worked, but like his, from the ankle down, everything was just fucking dead. 0.98

01:29:54.000 Whoa. 0.94

01:29:55.000 And this guy walked, he, he walked like, he'd have to almost bring his knee up in, in the front every time he'd step forward.

01:30:02.000 Like ski boots?

01:30:03.000 Yeah, almost like that.

01:30:04.000 And then he would, uh, he'd hit the ball and he just, he never could hit it straight.

01:30:08.000 Cause you need, you know, you need balance. 0.98

01:30:10.000 But the guy fucking loved golf. 0.99

01:30:11.000 He'd play like two rounds a day. 1.00

01:30:13.000 You have to caddy for him. 1.00

01:30:14.000 You'd be all over the course looking for this guy's fucking ball. 1.00

01:30:16.000 Fucking numb feet. 1.00

01:30:18.000 That's so weird. 1.00

01:30:20.000 What a weird ailment.

01:30:22.000 Dead feet.

01:30:23.000 I guess he's probably happy that was it, you know?

01:30:25.000 Right. 1.00

01:30:25.000 All the shit that could go wrong. 1.00

01:30:27.000 I know. 0.99

01:30:27.000 I know a dude who broke his toe really bad, and they told him he couldn't do jujitsu for six months if they were going to fix the toe, or they could amputate it. 0.99

01:30:36.000 So he said, cut it off. 0.99

01:30:37.000 No shit. 1.00

01:30:38.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:30:39.000 Which toe?

01:30:40.000 I think it was like the same one.

01:30:42.000 Why am I so fascinated by which toes are in each story?

01:30:44.000 I think it was the one next to the big toe.

01:30:46.000 Yeah.

01:30:46.000 I might be wrong.

01:30:47.000 Wow.

01:30:47.000 One of his toes.

01:30:49.000 If you had to lose one toe, which one would it be?

01:30:54.000 That little...

01:30:55.000 Hmm.

01:30:57.000 That's a good question.

01:30:59.000 I was going to say that freeloader toe right next to the little toe.

01:31:04.000 Alright. 1.00

01:31:04.000 That fucking toe is useless. 1.00

01:31:05.000 Your ring finger. 1.00

01:31:06.000 Yeah.

01:31:06.000 That toe doesn't...

01:31:07.000 It does nothing.

01:31:08.000 I never pay attention to that toe.

01:31:09.000 No.

01:31:10.000 I've watched that toe a million times in my life and never looked at it twice.

01:31:14.000 Yeah.

01:31:15.000 I look at my pinky toe.

01:31:17.000 I check it out because it's weird.

01:31:19.000 I look at that tiny little nail. 1.00

01:31:20.000 I go, look at this stupid nail. 1.00

01:31:22.000 Looks like a clipping of another nail. 1.00

01:31:25.000 It's not even its own nail.

01:31:26.000 But that little toe next to the pinky toe. 1.00

01:31:28.000 No love.

01:31:29.000 Gets no love.

01:31:30.000 Do you get in there and individually wash your toes?

01:31:33.000 I used to and now I don't.

01:31:35.000 You give up.

01:31:35.000 You got no desire.

01:31:37.000 Slap it on the top, slap it on the bottom.

01:31:38.000 Done.

01:31:40.000 I wash my feet, yeah.

01:31:41.000 I'm always doing stuff barefoot.

01:31:43.000 I lift weights barefoot.

01:31:45.000 I do kickboxing barefoot.

01:31:46.000 Jiu-jitsu barefoot.

01:31:47.000 It's all barefoot.

01:31:48.000 You gotta get in there.

01:31:49.000 You also gotta make sure you don't get athlete's foot.

01:31:52.000 Athlete's foot is when you get those cracks underneath your toes, like at the base where the ball of your foot reaches the bottom of your toe, that gets all dry and fucked up and cracks and it hurts. 0.88

01:32:05.000 And a lot of that comes from your toes being dirty. 0.77

01:32:08.000 It comes from weird fungus getting in there.

01:32:11.000 Apparently this is the same as ringworm.

01:32:14.000 Athlete's foot is kind of the same fungus as ringworm.

01:32:17.000 It's just in a different spot on your body.

01:32:21.000 And jock itch. 1.00

01:32:22.000 All same shit. 1.00

01:32:23.000 Yeah, that's right. 1.00

01:32:24.000 Jock itch is the same as athlete's foot. 1.00

01:32:26.000 Get some fucking funk growing on your dick, boy. 1.00

01:32:29.000 Yeah, right. 1.00

01:32:31.000 God, I would hate that.

01:32:33.000 It's important if anybody's listening to this, though, if you do have some funk on you, whatever you do, don't use antibacterial soap.

01:32:40.000 Don't ever use that stuff.

01:32:41.000 If you use antibacterial soap, unless you're a hospital worker, you're a doctor or something, then you should use it.

01:32:50.000 There's stuff called defense soap that is a probiotic.

01:32:55.000 It discourages the growth of bad bacteria, but it promotes healthy bacteria.

01:33:00.000 It's all like natural oils.

01:33:02.000 They use eucalyptus oil and tea tree oil and staph and ringworm and all that stuff.

01:33:09.000 It's really good for grapplers.

01:33:11.000 That's why it's called Defense Soap. 0.99

01:33:12.000 They made it for grapplers.

01:33:13.000 But for anybody, for keeping healthy skin flora, that, and here's a big one, dude.

01:33:18.000 This is really big.

01:33:20.000 Probiotics. 1.00

01:33:21.000 I drink this shit all the time. 1.00

01:33:22.000 Oh yeah, you tell me about that. 1.00

01:33:23.000 So important, man.

01:33:25.000 These are organisms, like live organisms.

01:33:28.000 You take them into your body and it literally strengthens your immune system.

01:33:32.000 Like acidophilus?

01:33:33.000 I was reading this thing where they were saying that acidophilus, they believe, can discourage when you touch things, like say if you touch something and it's got some sort of funk on it, and then you accidentally touch your face.

01:33:44.000 Well, if you're taking healthy doses of acidophilus, apparently acidophilus will resist the introduction of new bacteria. 0.96

01:33:51.000 They're like, whoa, whoa, bitch, what are you doing here? 1.00

01:33:53.000 What the fuck are you doing here? 1.00

01:33:55.000 Whereas if you have that antibacterial soap, your skin is like devoid of even healthy bacteria. 0.99

01:34:00.000 Yeah.

01:34:01.000 The healthy flora is just as important.

01:34:04.000 You can't strip it off. 0.99

01:34:05.000 It's just as important to keep the healthy flora as it is to get rid of the bad shit. 0.96

01:34:10.000 Yeah, somebody told me, I was reading an article about bacteria, and it's like, there's a pretty big percentage of your body that's made up of bacteria. 0.98

01:34:19.000 Yeah, it's huge.

01:34:20.000 Like the amount of weight in your body is like 12 pounds or something of bacteria?

01:34:24.000 Yeah.

01:34:24.000 This is the way I saw it explained once.

01:34:26.000 I'm making that number up, but it's a lot.

01:34:28.000 This is the way.

01:34:29.000 I saw a scientist explain this, so I'm pretty sure he's correct.

01:34:32.000 He said there's more E. coli in your gut than have ever been people ever.

01:34:39.000 Wow.

01:34:39.000 Whoa.

01:34:41.000 Yeah.

01:34:42.000 Yeah.

01:34:43.000 And it's just sitting there?

01:34:44.000 Well, it's working.

01:34:46.000 Healthy stomach bacteria is very important for digestion. 0.99

01:34:50.000 That's what you're getting when you're absorbing these kombuchas and shit like that. 1.00

01:34:54.000 You're changing your gut bacteria. 0.98

01:34:57.000 And there's a lot of studies that are trying to link that to autism.

01:35:01.000 And they think that autism and poor gut bacteria, intestinal tract bacteria, it might be an issue. 0.97

01:35:08.000 The inflammation factor, that inflammation might cause all sorts of distress throughout the entire body, like the symbiosis of your stomach, your digestive tract, your circulatory system, and your brain, all of them together, being affected equally, that this digestive disorder might also fuck with people's heads. 0.97

01:35:27.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:35:28.000 Yeah, my gut's fucked, man. 1.00

01:35:30.000 I fart, soft shits, pain. 1.00

01:35:33.000 My gut is wrong. 1.00

01:35:35.000 How's your diet?

01:35:36.000 Diet's great.

01:35:37.000 Really?

01:35:38.000 Fantastic! 1.00

01:35:39.000 So what the fuck? 0.99

01:35:40.000 I think I got Giardia when I was in Florida like 20 years ago, and I never really got rid of it. 1.00

01:35:46.000 Ever since I got it, I've had gas. 0.99

01:35:49.000 Giardia, you get that from drinking water that animals shit in. 0.99

01:35:52.000 Right, down in Florida. 0.97

01:35:53.000 They don't have fresh water very much in Florida.

01:35:55.000 So what were you doing?

01:35:56.000 How'd you get it?

01:35:57.000 Just staying in a hotel.

01:35:58.000 Me and my wife, she got rid of it.

01:36:00.000 I never did.

01:36:01.000 You got it from a hotel?

01:36:03.000 Yeah.

01:36:03.000 What?

01:36:04.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:36:04.000 How the fuck did you get it? 0.99

01:36:06.000 Because they don't have a lot of groundwater in Florida. 1.00

01:36:07.000 They fucking pump all that shit in from out of town. 1.00

01:36:11.000 So, like, the tap water gave you Giardia? 1.00

01:36:13.000 Tap water gave us Giardia. 1.00

01:36:15.000 Jesus fucking Christ. 0.99

01:36:16.000 And I went on, like, three different cycles of, I forget it was tetracycline or something, to the point where the doctor was like, you can't keep taking this, and it should just, it should equal out. 0.99

01:36:26.000 And I've gone back, and it never has.

01:36:28.000 Oh my God, dude.

01:36:29.000 That's insane.

01:36:30.000 I haven't farted once since we've been in here, by the way.

01:36:32.000 Thank you.

01:36:33.000 I wouldn't do it.

01:36:34.000 Thank you.

01:36:35.000 I appreciate that.

01:36:36.000 I would fart. 0.99

01:36:40.000 I did fart in an elevator recently, and someone did the running, like, hand in, open the doors, and I came in, and I just looked at them like, hey, it's an asshole move. 0.99

01:36:49.000 Mine was an asshole move, but you don't open up elevator doors on somebody. 0.98

01:36:53.000 So let's take a ride. 0.99

01:36:54.000 So because he shoved his arm in the elevator door...

01:36:58.000 No, I had just farted, and then I saw the hand come in.

01:37:01.000 You don't like people shoving the hand through it?

01:37:03.000 I don't think you should do that, ever.

01:37:04.000 Unless it's like, if you're in a parking structure in Santa Monica that's six stories and there's like one elevator, so it comes every 12 minutes, you can stick your hand in that.

01:37:12.000 But if I'm in an office complex and there's like six banks of elevators or a hotel, you don't stick your hand in the door.

01:37:18.000 Wow, but what if the guy's in a super hurry?

01:37:22.000 He can wait for the next elevator.

01:37:23.000 Wow.

01:37:24.000 I'm in a super hurry, too.

01:37:25.000 Always am.

01:37:26.000 Greg Fitzsimmons looking for excuses to fart on people.

01:37:28.000 Dick Stan.

01:37:30.000 Is that what this is?

01:37:31.000 Or is this just an excuse to fart on people?

01:37:33.000 Well, the other thing is, I'll forget that it's Valley Parking somewhere.

01:37:37.000 Like, if I go to the Comedy Store, I always forget.

01:37:39.000 And I'll fart before I get there. 1.00

01:37:41.000 And I was like, oh, fuck. 1.00

01:37:43.000 Sorry, Doc. 0.99

01:37:47.000 So, does Jardia, like you saw, a noticeable change from the way your farts were before the Jardia?

01:37:53.000 Oh yeah, immediate. 0.99

01:37:54.000 Damn. 1.00

01:37:55.000 Fuck that. 1.00

01:37:55.000 No, it's way better than it was, but it's still there. 1.00

01:37:58.000 I gotta watch what I eat.

01:37:59.000 Like, I'm lactose intolerant now.

01:38:02.000 My friend Steve Rinello, he got giardia, and then he got trichinosis.

01:38:07.000 Trichinosis from bad beef?

01:38:09.000 His was from bad bear.

01:38:11.000 His was from eating a bear.

01:38:12.000 But apparently, he keeps it for life.

01:38:15.000 Like, they kill it in your stomach. 1.00

01:38:17.000 Like, it lives in your stomach, and then it goes, like it migrates into your muscle cells, and it hurts like a fuck. 1.00

01:38:24.000 Oh, shit. 0.99

01:38:24.000 Like you have like agony, like muscle agony, like you're in pain, like your back hurts, your shoulders hurt. 0.99

01:38:30.000 They can't kill that.

01:38:31.000 They just plant spores in you.

01:38:33.000 So essentially, it's crazy. 1.00

01:38:36.000 The shit that's in your stomach, that's gone. 0.99

01:38:38.000 But the stuff that's in your arms and your legs and your tissue stays there for the rest of your life. 1.00

01:38:43.000 Those spores, like if you ate him...

01:38:46.000 If the apocalypse came around, you've got to cook them to 160 degrees.

01:38:50.000 160. Hold on, let me write that down.

01:38:52.000 160. Speaking of which, by the way, can I plug some dates?

01:38:56.000 Fuck yeah. 0.99

01:38:57.000 What do we got? 1.00

01:38:57.000 Addison, Texas coming to see you, folks! 1.00

01:39:00.000 Oh, I love that club.

01:39:00.000 February 28th through March 1st.

01:39:02.000 Yeah, isn't that a great room? 1.00

01:39:03.000 Great fucking room. 1.00

01:39:05.000 That's a great fucking room. 1.00

01:39:05.000 Up on the second floor, and it's just a perfect shape. 1.00

01:39:08.000 It's been around forever, too, so it's soaked with laughter.

01:39:11.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:39:12.000 You know, like the different sets that have been in that room.

01:39:14.000 That's a great room.

01:39:15.000 Addison, Texas.

01:39:16.000 Do they still have the piano bar right next door?

01:39:18.000 Oh, yeah.

01:39:19.000 That's great.

01:39:20.000 A handjob shack, too, right around the corner.

01:39:22.000 How dare you?

01:39:22.000 I didn't go.

01:39:24.000 How dare you even know?

01:39:25.000 No, I walked past it and I saw this guy who was loitering out front.

01:39:28.000 And he just kept like walking back and forth.

01:39:31.000 And I was like, why is this guy hanging out in front?

01:39:33.000 And then I looked over and it was like a...

01:39:35.000 Somebody told me that you can tell it's a jack shack because if it has a neon footprint on it...

01:39:40.000 Those are the jack shacks? 1.00

01:39:41.000 That's like a sign that it's a happy ending place.

01:39:44.000 Really?

01:39:45.000 That's what a certain comedian told me.

01:39:49.000 I don't know if he's right, but isn't that like a reflexology thing?

01:39:52.000 That's what they want you to think. 1.00

01:39:54.000 No shit. 1.00

01:39:55.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:39:55.000 So you go in, they rub your feet, just jerk you off. 1.00

01:39:58.000 I have no idea.

01:39:59.000 Do they even touch your feet?

01:40:00.000 If I had a choice, if I was going to do it, I would say, as long as I'm in here, you know, let's get the feet going first.

01:40:06.000 Yeah.

01:40:07.000 Some people, like, get weirded out about people touching their feet.

01:40:10.000 We're not into it at all.

01:40:12.000 I like women's feet. 1.00

01:40:13.000 I enjoy looking at women's feet. 1.00

01:40:14.000 We've talked about this.

01:40:20.000 Well, when they're attractive, you know.

01:40:22.000 When they're attractive, it's great.

01:40:23.000 What is it about that, though? 0.97

01:40:25.000 I mean, I'm not asking you personally, but what is it about, like, why would a guy give a shit about a girl if a girl's toes took a hook turn and her feet are all... 0.78

01:40:35.000 Like, what does it even affect us?

01:40:37.000 Like, why is it more desirable to see, like, perfect toes?

01:40:41.000 Well, I mean, it's just me.

01:40:42.000 My personal thing is I believe it shows they're evil.

01:40:47.000 That they're haunted.

01:40:49.000 Hammered toe equals haunted. 1.00

01:40:51.000 She will fucking kill you one day. 1.00

01:40:54.000 You'll be sleeping and all of a sudden you'll feel this little hook going around your trachea and you'll look up and you'll see an ankle. 1.00

01:40:59.000 Can you imagine if people were that transparent where the way their hands looked was like how deadly or nice they were?

01:41:06.000 Yeah.

01:41:06.000 So people had beautiful, smooth, clean hands.

01:41:08.000 You never had to worry about them. 1.00

01:41:09.000 They're all knuckled up and fucked up. 1.00

01:41:11.000 Think of Cinderella. 1.00

01:41:13.000 Remember her sisters had those nasty fucking feet? 1.00

01:41:15.000 Couldn't fit in the shoes. 1.00

01:41:16.000 That's right.

01:41:17.000 She was the original foot fetish worship goddess.

01:41:20.000 She was.

01:41:22.000 But maybe she was just a part of a narrative that's been going on forever.

01:41:25.000 Like the Chinese people, they're binding. 1.00

01:41:27.000 The bindings, yeah. 1.00

01:41:28.000 That's the crazy shit of all time. 1.00

01:41:29.000 That's crazy. 1.00

01:41:30.000 That's so frightening.

01:41:32.000 But it's totally logical.

01:41:32.000 If you go back, I mean, if you put it in context of going back, you could show wealth by saying, it wasn't just the aesthetic of small feet.

01:41:40.000 It was also saying, my bitch doesn't have to work. 1.00

01:41:43.000 I can bind her feet. 0.99

01:41:45.000 That's how much money I have.

01:41:46.000 Good Lord.

01:41:47.000 Yeah.

01:41:47.000 Yeah, she could never work in the fields.

01:41:50.000 That's why Japanese people wear fucking hats and sunblock and gloves because, in their culture, having fair skin is a sign of wealth. 1.00

01:41:58.000 Wow. 1.00

01:41:59.000 Right.

01:41:59.000 Well, you know, in some cultures, they're trying to bleach people.

01:42:02.000 Like, Filipinos are really getting into glutathione, which is, I think, it's like an amino acid or something like that.

01:42:09.000 Some nutrition...

01:42:10.000 I mean, I take it, actually.

01:42:11.000 It's, like, really good for your liver.

01:42:13.000 But they...

01:42:14.000 They're taking this stuff and through some injection process that I don't totally understand, it makes your skin lighter.

01:42:20.000 So they want to be, like maybe they're darker brown Filipinos, they want to be light because lighter skin... 1.00

01:42:26.000 Do you think that's what Michael Jackson did?

01:42:27.000 No.

01:42:28.000 Michael Jackson had what I have.

01:42:29.000 He had vitiligo.

01:42:30.000 Yeah.

01:42:30.000 You know, like, if you look at my hands, like, you see these spots in my hands.

01:42:33.000 Right.

01:42:33.000 I'm just a white guy, so it doesn't look that freaky.

01:42:36.000 But if I get a tan, it can look pretty freaky.

01:42:38.000 Like, all my knuckles.

01:42:40.000 Like, trauma areas are big areas that get it, like knuckles.

01:42:44.000 Because, you know, anytime you get cuts, scratches, sometimes that can turn to vitiligo.

01:42:49.000 I have to put, like, an ointment on it to keep it from spreading.

01:42:52.000 Yeah.

01:42:52.000 But, um...

01:42:53.000 Plus, you're hairy, so it just looks like patches of hair on your knuckles. 0.97

01:42:57.000 Yeah, but I'm a white guy.

01:42:59.000 Again, it's not that much of a contrast between the area where I have pigment and the area where I don't have pigment.

01:43:05.000 But if you're black, like Michael Jackson was when he was young, it's super traumatic for a lot of people.

01:43:11.000 Some people freak out.

01:43:12.000 They have some really good remedies for it now.

01:43:14.000 They have ointment that can pretty much stop it from spreading, and they have these PUVA treatments that they do that re-pigment areas.

01:43:20.000 They're pretty good at it now. 0.98

01:43:22.000 But in the Michael Jackson days, they couldn't do shit. 0.99

01:43:24.000 I'm the opposite. 0.98

01:43:26.000 I'm so fair that I try to darken. 0.99

01:43:29.000 On the weekends, I put black shoe polish on my face and I go sing. 1.00

01:43:34.000 Do you leave a white thing around your mouth so you don't fuck your food up? 1.00

01:43:38.000 I'll eat some powdered donuts before I go out. 1.00

01:43:43.000 Mammy! 1.00

01:43:45.000 Also, I'm going to be at the Helium Comedy Club in Philly.

01:43:47.000 Oh, yeah.

01:43:51.000 I forgot what we were doing.

01:43:53.000 March 6th and 7th.

01:43:55.000 Don't forget, Denver Comedy Works, I think it's your favorite club in the country.

01:43:59.000 March 12th through 14th.

01:44:00.000 You just rattled off two of my favorite clubs in the country. 0.98

01:44:02.000 Helium in Philly is fucking amazing. 0.59

01:44:05.000 And the Comedy Works is where I did my last special, Rocky Mountain High. 0.98

01:44:05.000 Amazing. 0.98

01:44:08.000 I did that in the Comedy Works.

01:44:09.000 So great.

01:44:10.000 It's the best club ever.

01:44:11.000 Yeah.

01:44:12.000 It's the best club.

01:44:13.000 It's just so perfect.

01:44:14.000 I mean, there's a bunch of the best clubs ever.

01:44:16.000 There's like five or six of them all over the country.

01:44:18.000 Those are two of them right there.

01:44:19.000 Two of the top five right there.

01:44:21.000 And then the Hollywood Improv, which is definitely up in that rankings.

01:44:25.000 Yeah, that's a great spot.

01:44:26.000 March 21st. 0.99

01:44:27.000 That's a fucking great spot. 0.99

01:44:29.000 The Hollywood Improv, that's such a good fucking room for comedy, and such a high-level room. 0.99

01:44:35.000 You go there, you see Judd Apatow working out. 0.98

01:44:38.000 You're there all the time.

01:44:40.000 There's so many good comics there. 1.00

01:44:42.000 That's a fucking showcase spot, man. 0.99

01:44:44.000 And they run it tight. 1.00

01:44:45.000 They keep it on time for the most part.

01:44:47.000 They had Arsenio Hall dropped in one night, and he did about 35 at the top of the show, unannounced. 0.71

01:44:53.000 And I spent, I don't know, 16 of my 20 minutes shitting all over Arsenio Hall for going long. 0.98

01:44:59.000 How dare you. 0.99

01:45:00.000 And the crowd fucking went crazy. 1.00

01:45:02.000 I think he tanked it. 0.99

01:45:04.000 Oh, did he really?

01:45:04.000 So nothing like starting the show off with a tank and going, you know, over your five, drop by is five minutes.

01:45:13.000 That's all they were giving him?

01:45:14.000 Yeah.

01:45:16.000 Well, that's not good.

01:45:16.000 I don't know.

01:45:17.000 Ten minutes.

01:45:17.000 He wasn't supposed to do any.

01:45:19.000 Are you listening to Arsenio?

01:45:21.000 Whoa.

01:45:21.000 I can't believe this.

01:45:22.000 Throwing it down.

01:45:23.000 I know that dude.

01:45:24.000 He's a good guy?

01:45:25.000 He's a very nice guy.

01:45:26.000 Yeah, I never met him.

01:45:27.000 He's a very nice guy.

01:45:28.000 He left before I started.

01:45:30.000 I talked to him really recently about social media stuff.

01:45:34.000 When he was doing the new version of the Arsenio Hall show, they took over his social media. 0.96

01:45:39.000 Like his Facebook and his Twitter and all that shit. 0.94

01:45:41.000 They asked to do that now. 0.90

01:45:43.000 I was doing this one thing and they asked me to do that.

01:45:46.000 They wanted to take over my Twitter. 1.00

01:45:47.000 I go, fuck you. 1.00

01:45:49.000 What are you, crazy? 1.00

01:45:51.000 Well, we're going to tweet for you. 1.00

01:45:52.000 The fuck you're going to tweet for me? 1.00

01:45:53.000 No, you're not. 1.00

01:45:55.000 You want to start a Twitter page for the show?

01:45:58.000 Well, you start that and then you can tweet from there.

01:46:00.000 You're not going to tweet from my personal Twitter page just because I'm on a show.

01:46:03.000 The idea that you have to give it up.

01:46:05.000 Some genius in the digital marketing department brought that up in a meeting and they went, sounds like a good idea, Phil. 0.98

01:46:10.000 Can you imagine, you have to be such a whore that you have to give up your Twitter page? 1.00

01:46:14.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:46:15.000 Like, get the fuck out of here. 0.65

01:46:16.000 Like, no. 0.94

01:46:18.000 Yeah.

01:46:18.000 No, you can't have my Twitter page.

01:46:19.000 If you want me to tweet stuff, send it to me and I'll tweet it if I agree with it.

01:46:23.000 Yeah.

01:46:24.000 You can't take, but for him, he didn't even think about it.

01:46:27.000 He just, he like didn't think that it was a big deal.

01:46:29.000 Yeah.

01:46:29.000 He was just like, yeah, yeah, cool.

01:46:30.000 But now he's trying to get it back.

01:46:32.000 Like, he was struggling to get it back.

01:46:34.000 Under his own control after his show was canceled. 1.00

01:46:36.000 No shit. 1.00

01:46:36.000 Yeah, and I was like, this is ridiculous. 1.00

01:46:38.000 Wow. 0.98

01:46:39.000 Like, they own your social media presence, which is worth a fuckload of money.

01:46:44.000 Yeah.

01:46:45.000 Like, what if you did a project for, you know, name X production company, and in the project was they can tweet anything they want from your social media sites?

01:46:56.000 Facebook, Twitter, Instagram.

01:46:58.000 They could tweet anything they want.

01:46:59.000 They could put out anything they want.

01:47:01.000 They would just release commercials all day.

01:47:03.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:47:04.000 I mean, imagine if that was in your contract and they just started putting out like, there's a Tide commercial on your fucking Twitter feed. 0.99

01:47:10.000 Tide got my clothes smelling fucking amazing. 0.99

01:47:14.000 Greg Fitzsimmons. 0.86

01:47:15.000 And then there's a video and you're like, what?

01:47:16.000 Yeah.

01:47:17.000 I can't believe this.

01:47:18.000 And then you call your agent like, look, Greg, it's in the contract.

01:47:20.000 You're like, oh my God.

01:47:22.000 I'm retired.

01:47:23.000 I'm out.

01:47:23.000 They're like, look, it's funny.

01:47:24.000 It's about the Greg Fitzsimmons show.

01:47:26.000 It's funny.

01:47:26.000 But it's also product placement.

01:47:29.000 Yeah.

01:47:30.000 Like, oh no.

01:47:31.000 Nobody can really write a tweet for you that doesn't sound like it's not you.

01:47:35.000 It's kind of like, because it's so tight, it's like it really has to be your wording.

01:47:40.000 You would have to get somebody who really knew you.

01:47:40.000 Yeah.

01:47:43.000 Well, when I put out my podcast, I have my producer put out the tweet because he's the one that uploads it.

01:47:48.000 So then I know that as soon as it uploads, he just sends a tweet saying...

01:47:52.000 So I give him a blurb to write ahead of time so that when it goes up, it's written.

01:47:57.000 But sometimes if I don't give him one, he writes it.

01:47:59.000 And it's just immediately...

01:48:00.000 I don't know what it is.

01:48:01.000 Like something subtle.

01:48:02.000 You can just tell it wasn't sent by the person that it says it is.

01:48:05.000 Well, you get a sense of someone who they are when you read just their posts on a message board or you read their Twitter feed.

01:48:13.000 You don't get it all, but if you're reading 140 characters a day over a long period of time, 140 characters a tweet, rather, over a long period of time, you kind of get a sense of the terrain.

01:48:25.000 You kind of get a sense of the way people phrase things and say things.

01:48:30.000 How angry they are?

01:48:31.000 Yeah.

01:48:31.000 Oh, yeah, man.

01:48:32.000 It's a big indicator of anger. 1.00

01:48:33.000 Ooh, you could find out some fucked up shit about people just by reading their angry tweets. 1.00

01:48:37.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:48:38.000 Like, what are you getting mad at, dummy? 0.96

01:48:39.000 Yeah. 0.92

01:48:40.000 Like, Jesus Christ. 1.00

01:48:41.000 Get this person away from your fucking life. 1.00

01:48:43.000 And just everything's... 1.00

01:48:44.000 Like, I have to watch myself.

01:48:46.000 I can get bitter.

01:48:47.000 Because I think it's funny to write something that...

01:48:49.000 And I'm not really being bitter.

01:48:51.000 It's just like, it's the easy path to a laugh.

01:48:53.000 Bitter.

01:48:54.000 And then I look back and I go, wow, that was 12 bitter ones in a row. 0.99

01:48:58.000 How the fuck do I look right now? 1.00

01:49:00.000 I follow several people that I think are idiots. 1.00

01:49:03.000 And one of the things that I really enjoy following is people that are not very bright, but that give a lot of advice. 1.00

01:49:11.000 Like people are not very bright, but their Twitter feed is always advice.

01:49:11.000 Yeah.

01:49:16.000 What you need to do in this world is go for your dreams.

01:49:19.000 You read their Twitter and you're like, oh, okay.

01:49:23.000 It's an insight.

01:49:24.000 It's an insight to someone struggling for sanity.

01:49:27.000 An insight to someone trying to find sense in the world with this dull 9-volt brain.

01:49:35.000 Yeah, it's definitely the access to giving people information has outweighed the ability to supply it in an equality way.

01:49:42.000 There's just, like, I even feel it.

01:49:45.000 Like, I can't tweet every day.

01:49:48.000 Sometimes I just don't really have anything to say. 0.96

01:49:50.000 But, you know, you feel like, ah, I should put something out today, and then you write something, and you go, what the fuck did I write that for? 1.00

01:49:55.000 That was stupid. 0.99

01:49:56.000 I like taking news off Twitter. 1.00

01:49:58.000 I think it's good to do.

01:49:59.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:50:00.000 Yeah, because I think some days I don't have shit to say. 0.86

01:50:02.000 I think taking days off, you know, I was talking about this the other day, we were talking about stand-up in this way, that taking days off stand-up, taking weeks off stand-up, I think it was Cal I was talking to, we were talking about how if you go and go and go, your act gets really tight, 0.95

01:50:18.000 everything feels really good, but when you take like a week off and then jump back in, the enthusiasm just cranks back up again.

01:50:24.000 You know, I think that's the case with pretty much everything in life.

01:50:27.000 If you do things too much, you lose your perspective.

01:50:30.000 Like, you lose, like, what it is about that thing that you really enjoy.

01:50:34.000 You need little breaks.

01:50:36.000 A bit can get a lot stronger when you walk away from it for a little while and you come back and you go, oh, I didn't even get why I wrote that bit.

01:50:43.000 That's what I was originally thinking.

01:50:46.000 It's about this.

01:50:47.000 You tighten it up and you realize that, like, for me, You know, you make a lot of choices throughout a bit.

01:50:53.000 I can go this way or go that way.

01:50:55.000 Sometimes you just get the clarity when you come back to it to see that you were...

01:50:58.000 You got a cheap laugh off that one time and you thought that was part of the bit, and it wasn't.

01:51:04.000 You got lost for a second.

01:51:04.000 It was just a...

01:51:06.000 You got to come back.

01:51:07.000 Yeah, I have a bit that I just added to another bit that I abandoned years ago.

01:51:13.000 Like, I had it, and then I lost it.

01:51:16.000 Like, I had it for a while.

01:51:17.000 It was like a very strong bit.

01:51:19.000 And then I fucked something up with it, I tweaked it wrong, and it just got too complicated.

01:51:24.000 And I was like, well, there's too many jokes similar to that, man.

01:51:26.000 I'll just put it aside.

01:51:27.000 And I put it aside for years, years.

01:51:30.000 And the other day, I was on stage, I was in the middle of one bit, and I started thinking about, oh my god, that fits right in there, in like a glove.

01:51:38.000 It just slid into place and crushed.

01:51:40.000 It was almost like I was holding it, like it was a wedge that I didn't have a gap for.

01:51:45.000 Yeah.

01:51:45.000 And then all of a sudden, oh, it's right there!

01:51:47.000 And all its liabilities were out the window.

01:51:49.000 Because it didn't, like, as a standalone bit, it didn't have an ending.

01:51:53.000 But when I shoved it in the middle of this other bit that already had an ending, it just made that bit way better.

01:51:58.000 Yeah, and you didn't have to work on it and fine-tune it.

01:52:00.000 You had already done that work.

01:52:01.000 It just needed a place.

01:52:03.000 That's why I think stand-up comedy, like, spending time just going over your act is, like, one of the one things that we all could do more of.

01:52:13.000 I did this thing with Ari where I went over Shiny Happy Jihad, which was a CD I put out in like 86 or something like that, or 2006 rather.

01:52:22.000 And when we went over it, we were talking about why he did this, why he did that, and I really hadn't thought about a lot of it.

01:52:28.000 And listening to it for the first time in all these years, I don't remember the jokes.

01:52:32.000 So a few of them I remember, but some of them were really making me laugh.

01:52:35.000 I never had heard them before, even though they were mine.

01:52:38.000 I completely forgot them.

01:52:40.000 And going over it like that made me super fucking enthusiastic to go to stand-up.

01:52:46.000 And I got on this real...

01:52:48.000 Rampage over the next few weeks after that.

01:52:50.000 Yeah.

01:52:50.000 That really helped me.

01:52:51.000 Yeah.

01:52:52.000 And it made me think, like, man, that's probably an aspect of comedy that we don't like to do that we probably all should be doing.

01:52:57.000 Just sitting down going over all of your act.

01:53:00.000 Going over your notes, going over all the different bits, and is this the right order for them?

01:53:05.000 What's a better order?

01:53:07.000 Why don't we try this order tonight?

01:53:08.000 Why don't we try this for the first show and that for the second show? 0.97

01:53:11.000 Well, that's what's nice about when you go to a club and you work there for three nights is you got two afternoons where you can tape your set and listen to it the next day and think about it and then give yourself some time to write new shit.

01:53:22.000 And, you know, you really have nothing to do except focus on your stand-up for, you know, two straight days. 0.95

01:53:27.000 Then you come back to L.A. and you go on to the improv or somewhere and people are like, wow, you got like fucking a lot of new material there that's good.

01:53:35.000 And like you wouldn't have that if you were just working in town. 0.87

01:53:38.000 Right.

01:53:38.000 Or if you were, you'd have to be really disciplined.

01:53:41.000 Really disciplined to make sure that you're just going up and doing...

01:53:41.000 Yeah.

01:53:44.000 This 15 minutes is going to be all about blank.

01:53:46.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:53:47.000 It's just a fun fucking thing to do, man. 0.99

01:53:51.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:53:51.000 Still, after all these years... 0.99

01:53:54.000 People who don't know, we started out together within a week of each other.

01:53:57.000 Right.

01:53:57.000 That's crazy.

01:53:58.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:53:59.000 Dude, we're old as shit. 1.00

01:54:00.000 25 years? 1.00

01:54:01.000 Dude, we're old as fuck. 1.00

01:54:02.000 Yeah, we're old as shit. 1.00

01:54:04.000 Remember when you were a kid and you thought of someone who was 47? 1.00

01:54:06.000 You're like, what?

01:54:07.000 Yeah.

01:54:08.000 47?

01:54:09.000 That was beyond middle age.

01:54:11.000 Like, middle age is 40. Yeah, you're a dead man. 1.00

01:54:13.000 Yeah. 0.98

01:54:13.000 I remember when I was in high school and I had a thing for Madonna. 0.98

01:54:16.000 I found out Madonna was 26. I was like, god damn, that bitch is old. 1.00

01:54:20.000 Well, she's 26. Good lord. 1.00

01:54:23.000 Yeah.

01:54:24.000 Yeah.

01:54:26.000 I used to like older...

01:54:28.000 I always liked older women. 1.00

01:54:30.000 How old?

01:54:31.000 Well, when I was...

01:54:34.000 I guess when I was in like ninth grade, I fooled around with this girl that was a senior.

01:54:38.000 But it was like, you know, she wasn't doing it because she was turned on by me. 0.97

01:54:41.000 It was just like, I hung around her a lot, and she was like throwing me a bone, so she'd let me see her tits and stuff. 1.00

01:54:47.000 But then when I was like 19, I dated a woman who was turning 40 that summer. 0.53

01:54:52.000 It was like a whole summer-long romance.

01:54:54.000 She was this big corporate lawyer, very successful. 0.91

01:54:56.000 And I was living out in the Hamptons with my brother and another guy in this shitty... 0.89

01:55:00.000 It was a one-bedroom, just flea-ridden. 0.97

01:55:03.000 You woke up every day covered in bites.

01:55:05.000 And they had a two-bedroom next to us, her and her sister, the Palumbo sisters.

01:55:10.000 And they had this beautiful two-bedroom with top-shelf liquor, and they were Italian from Queens.

01:55:16.000 And so they'd come out and they would cook...

01:55:19.000 Pasta, chicken cutlets, everything, all weekend.

01:55:22.000 And we would just move over there.

01:55:23.000 My brother was hooking up with one sister, and I was hooking up with the other one.

01:55:27.000 And then we would just, like, fuck around and eat and drink, and then we'd go dancing with them at night, and then they'd leave on Sunday night, and they'd give us, like, all this Tupperware with all the leftovers in it that we'd survive on for a couple more days. 0.84

01:55:40.000 Then they'd come out on the weekends. 0.97

01:55:41.000 Oh, she was the greatest.

01:55:42.000 Wow.

01:55:43.000 Wow.

01:55:43.000 Yeah.

01:55:44.000 40, huh?

01:55:45.000 40 years old.

01:55:46.000 I was 19. How was her body?

01:55:46.000 And you were 19?

01:55:48.000 Good.

01:55:49.000 Good.

01:55:49.000 You know Italian girls.

01:55:50.000 They age well.

01:55:52.000 Had brown skin.

01:55:54.000 Tight.

01:55:55.000 Was she getting off a big divorce? 0.99

01:55:57.000 Good feet.

01:55:58.000 No.

01:55:59.000 She was a workaholic, I think. 1.00

01:56:00.000 She was a corporate lawyer.

01:56:02.000 She was big. 1.00

01:56:03.000 Goddamn. 1.00

01:56:04.000 Made a lot of money. 0.99

01:56:05.000 Was she on top most of the time?

01:56:07.000 Yeah, she took control. 0.58

01:56:09.000 Wow.

01:56:09.000 She'd ride it?

01:56:10.000 She'd ride it, yeah.

01:56:11.000 She'd hold the base and then it was all... 0.93

01:56:13.000 It was all up to her. 1.00

01:56:13.000 Damn. 1.00

01:56:14.000 It was like hers. 1.00

01:56:15.000 Wow.

01:56:15.000 All up to her.

01:56:16.000 Standard shift. 1.00

01:56:17.000 She fucked you. 1.00

01:56:18.000 She fucked me. 1.00

01:56:19.000 Whoa. 1.00

01:56:19.000 I'd push back and she'd yell at me. 1.00

01:56:21.000 Whoa.

01:56:22.000 You don't move.

01:56:23.000 Whoa. 1.00

01:56:23.000 You little shit. 1.00

01:56:24.000 Spit in your mouth? 1.00

01:56:24.000 You're in high school. 1.00

01:56:25.000 Spit in my mouth. 1.00

01:56:26.000 Stick her feet in my... 1.00

01:56:27.000 That's where the foot thing came from. 0.66

01:56:29.000 She would stick her feet in your mouth? 1.00

01:56:30.000 Oh, no. 0.89

01:56:31.000 No.

01:56:32.000 Were you allowed to be on top?

01:56:34.000 Oh, yeah.

01:56:35.000 Now, look, I was an animal.

01:56:36.000 When I was 19, I was an animal.

01:56:37.000 I couldn't be stopped.

01:56:39.000 Ooh, tell me more.

01:56:40.000 I just was so horny. 1.00

01:56:41.000 I was so horny that when women finally let me start having sex with them, I would ravage them. 1.00

01:56:46.000 I would just... 1.00

01:56:47.000 My hands...

01:56:48.000 You wouldn't see me laying with my arms by my side.

01:56:48.000 I was...

01:56:51.000 I didn't care for having sex for an hour.

01:56:52.000 I was still working. 1.00

01:56:54.000 I would grab a nipple, fucking fish hook. 1.00

01:56:57.000 The hands were moving all the time. 1.00

01:56:59.000 Can I get one in the asshole? 1.00

01:57:01.000 Then I am. 1.00

01:57:02.000 I'm checking.

01:57:03.000 I'm going to check the oil.

01:57:04.000 Let's check it.

01:57:05.000 Yeah.

01:57:05.000 Every time.

01:57:06.000 Let's see what we can get away with here.

01:57:07.000 How far can I push it on every single encounter?

01:57:10.000 That was my MO. Wow.

01:57:12.000 You're an animal. 0.99

01:57:12.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:57:13.000 Then they stop you and you go, all right, that's the line.

01:57:15.000 We don't cross that.

01:57:17.000 Until next time.

01:57:18.000 Let me try it again.

01:57:20.000 If you thought about the difference between you as a 12-year-old or 11-year-old, and then puberty, and then riding the furious waves of puberty, which is what I call 16, 17, 18. Those years, into 19 even, by the time you figure out how to stay on the wave,

01:57:37.000 the wave of hormones that your body starts producing and how different your observations on life are. 0.99

01:57:44.000 When you're 10, you don't give a fuck about ass or tits or Feet or high heels or the way a girl puts her lipstick on but when you're 17 you're jerking off to magazines like you're taking magazines you're beating off on the girls pictures on magazines like look at naked bodies you're beating off like yeah And I can just remember going into a white noise space where nothing else mattered. 0.99

01:58:08.000 I was jerking off and the world shut down around me. 1.00

01:58:12.000 It was just so intense. 0.96

01:58:13.000 It was like I guess what somebody would feel like if they went in like a heroin nod.

01:58:17.000 It was so like all-encompassing.

01:58:21.000 Yeah.

01:58:23.000 Yeah, it's a drug.

01:58:24.000 I mean, your body's trying to reproduce. 0.98

01:58:26.000 Your body's trying to give you all these fucking neurochemicals, these feel-good juices to pump through your body. 0.98

01:58:34.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:58:35.000 Serotonin and dopamine and love and oxytocin and come, hurry up, come!

01:58:43.000 Good, we win.

01:58:46.000 We reproduce.

01:58:47.000 And the eggs break open.

01:58:49.000 The little kid comes out screaming. 1.00

01:58:50.000 You're like, how the fuck? 1.00

01:58:51.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:58:52.000 Because they tricked you with that cum juice. 1.00

01:58:54.000 That feeling that you get when you just, oh, rub my balls. 1.00

01:58:54.000 That's it. 1.00

01:58:59.000 That's how you make a person.

01:59:00.000 That sweet relief is this weird biological trick.

01:59:04.000 Isn't that amazing?

01:59:05.000 It's the most intense, incredible thing you do.

01:59:09.000 And it's also the most intense, incredible feeling that you're having while you do it.

01:59:13.000 And if you don't smoke pot, you don't even know what sex feels like.

01:59:16.000 You think you do. 0.52

01:59:18.000 Weed makes sex feel so much better.

01:59:20.000 Hey, what did you think of that article I sent you from The New Yorker about the...

01:59:24.000 Fascinating.

01:59:24.000 Isn't that wild?

01:59:25.000 Yeah.

01:59:25.000 Explain what it is.

01:59:27.000 Basically, you know, all the testing that they did on mushrooms and LSD back in the 60s, I mean, starting, I think they started in what, like the 40s, right?

01:59:34.000 Well, Gordon Wasson was the guy who originally started bringing mushrooms to the Western world.

01:59:40.000 He was the one who started, I think it was Life Magazine. 0.98

01:59:43.000 They published some shit about him. 1.00

01:59:45.000 Or some shit about his travels to Mexico and his experiments with magic mushrooms. 1.00

01:59:51.000 I think that was in the 50s. 0.95

01:59:55.000 Yeah, so they did all these studies, and then obviously the CIA did all the LSD studies in the 50s and 60s, or mostly 50s, I think.

02:00:03.000 And then all of a sudden they outlawed it and they just said, bury that data.

02:00:09.000 And it just disappeared.

02:00:10.000 You cannot find any of the testing results that they did from back then.

02:00:14.000 And so they lost a lot of good progress.

02:00:16.000 And so this New Yorker piece is talking about how suddenly scientists are getting the green light from major universities.

02:00:24.000 Harvard and Yale and Boston University are all funding studies to look back into, what do you call the drug in magic mushrooms?

02:00:32.000 Psilocybin.

02:00:33.000 Psilocybin.

02:00:33.000 And what they're doing is, they're doing controlled testing.

02:00:38.000 And they're giving it to people specifically that have terminal illnesses and helping them deal with their mortality, literally, that they're going to die.

02:00:48.000 And how do you wrap your head around that?

02:00:50.000 How do you deal with the depression that comes with that?

02:00:52.000 And they're giving them the mushrooms, and 70% of them are having mystical experiences, like godlike experiences.

02:01:01.000 And then they are holding on to it.

02:01:04.000 It doesn't go away.

02:01:05.000 They are walking through the rest of their lives.

02:01:08.000 Realizing that all is love.

02:01:10.000 They said that's the common thread that runs through all of them is that it's all about love.

02:01:15.000 And they get that in their head and they die with it.

02:01:18.000 Whenever, you know, if they last another year, two years, they don't need another experience on the mushrooms to get back to that place.

02:01:26.000 It stays with them.

02:01:28.000 Well, I think if you're at a real transformative period of your life...

02:01:31.000 I mean, that's the biggest transformation ever, right?

02:01:34.000 Going from life to death, the ultimate last trip that we all take, you're probably like super emotional and very engaged.

02:01:41.000 And I would imagine that under that kind of stress and that kind of like uncertainty, a mushroom trip would be even more profound.

02:01:51.000 If you have a real powerful psychedelic trip and it doesn't change your complete total view of reality, you probably just didn't get a high enough dose.

02:02:02.000 That's all it is.

02:02:03.000 I mean, I've talked to a lot of people who've done mushrooms and they loved it.

02:02:06.000 They had a great time.

02:02:07.000 They're like, oh my God, we were on the beach. 0.98

02:02:09.000 We were so silly. 0.88

02:02:10.000 We laughed for hours. 0.91

02:02:11.000 It was so beautiful.

02:02:12.000 It was this amazing experience.

02:02:14.000 Opened me up to the way the world was and made me feel like they probably had that wonderful experience.

02:02:20.000 They really probably did.

02:02:21.000 But the difference between that kind of experience and like what they're giving these people in these trials, like you give people like five dried grams of psilocybin mushrooms, that's like a big breakthrough dose.

02:02:31.000 And you have this overwhelming, like, incredible, visionary, like, transformative experience that most people don't get to.

02:02:40.000 Like, the DMT experience is supposedly the most intense out of all the psychedelics, out of all what McKenna used to call, like, the center of the mandala.

02:02:49.000 All psychedelic experiences vary, whether it's peyote or mushrooms or... 0.86

02:02:56.000 Sage, which is that fucking one that everybody gets at grocery stores. 0.97

02:03:04.000 It's still available. 0.99

02:03:05.000 Salvia.

02:03:05.000 Salvia divinorum.

02:03:06.000 It's essentially like a sage plant.

02:03:08.000 They all reach some different psychedelic state.

02:03:12.000 But the center of the mandala, the craziest one, is the dimethyltryptamine experience.

02:03:16.000 And if you have the dimethyltryptamine experience, it's impossible to look at the rest of reality the same way again, because you always know that that's in your head.

02:03:26.000 How long does that last?

02:03:27.000 Very, very short.

02:03:28.000 It's only like 15 minutes.

02:03:30.000 No, but I'm saying how long does the effect last?

02:03:33.000 It depends on how much you entrench yourself in the common threads and themes and pathways of everyday life.

02:03:41.000 You can jump right back into everyday life and it doesn't last very long at all.

02:03:44.000 It's like this unbelievably profound loving experience where when it's happening, you just feel overwhelmed, first of all, by the truth in these entities that you're encountering, like how much they know about you.

02:03:58.000 Like, how much they know about who you are.

02:04:01.000 And then the reality of, like, that might not even be entities.

02:04:03.000 It might be you.

02:04:05.000 It might be there are many you's that encompass you.

02:04:07.000 Just like there's billions of E. coli living in your gut.

02:04:10.000 There might be, like, various streams of consciousness that are almost like entities that exist in your mind at any given time.

02:04:18.000 And you might be tapping into these and turning these to eleven when you're on a psychedelic.

02:04:23.000 It might be what the psychedelic is really doing is introducing you the potential of all the chemicals in your mind if like optimized in this one brief burst of love and color and just geometric objects and patterns just representing imagination at its fullest,

02:04:41.000 wildest, most open flower.

02:04:44.000 And then that might be what's happening when you're doing these things.

02:04:46.000 But regardless of what the actual, you know, whether it's both or neither one, The experiences themselves, they change the way you view the world because you know that that's possible now.

02:04:57.000 Or you never knew that that was possible.

02:04:59.000 You always felt like everything in my life, you know, if there was a scale from the worst experiences I've ever had to the best experiences I've ever had, everything is sort of categorized.

02:05:10.000 So I was like, well, I know what it's like to be scared.

02:05:12.000 Well, I know what it's like to be in a car accident. 0.99

02:05:13.000 Well, I know what it's like to get a blowjob. 1.00

02:05:15.000 I know what it's like to play football. 0.98

02:05:17.000 You know, you have all these things and you say, well, I have a pretty good idea of what life is.

02:05:21.000 And And then you take three hits off of this little vaporizer pipe You hear this like crackling, like burning plastic.

02:05:31.000 And you see this chrysanthemum looking sort of like the flower of life.

02:05:36.000 You know that flower of life that's described?

02:05:38.000 Like you see it in a lot of like ancient Hindu art.

02:05:42.000 Yeah.

02:05:42.000 It's a geometric pattern.

02:05:44.000 And this flower of life, you see this flower of life.

02:05:48.000 This is on DMT. Oh yeah, for sure.

02:05:50.000 Almost everybody sees it.

02:05:52.000 You see some version of it, but...

02:05:54.000 The things that you're seeing are happening so fast, and they're never the same thing.

02:06:00.000 You look at something and it becomes something else, like instantly, constantly, always changing.

02:06:04.000 So you never can really lock onto anything.

02:06:07.000 Everything is constantly moving and morphing and looking at you, and sometimes it's like jesters and they're giving you the finger, and then they disappear behind these fractal cyclones of geometric patterns that turn into flowers, that turn into grass. 0.99

02:06:22.000 They're turning to babies coming out of vaginas. 1.00

02:06:24.000 They're turning to you. 0.98

02:06:25.000 They're turning to handshakes and hugs and love.

02:06:28.000 It is insane.

02:06:31.000 And it happens for about 15 minutes.

02:06:33.000 And when it's over, just knowing that that can ever happen, it's just a matter of whether or not you remember it.

02:06:38.000 Well, they said also it deals with depression.

02:06:40.000 It helps people with depression a lot, and I think it's maybe that.

02:06:43.000 When you're depressed for long enough, you literally forget what it feels like to feel good.

02:06:48.000 And I think that by giving you that intense of a good positive experience, it makes you go, oh yeah, I'm supposed to try.

02:06:48.000 Yeah.

02:06:54.000 I'm supposed to, you know, achieve that in whatever means I can, you know, whether it's exercise or, you know, sex or whatever it is that you've just stopped doing because you're so depressed.

02:07:04.000 It gives you the inspiration to try to get back there.

02:07:07.000 Yeah.

02:07:07.000 And it also, it's like a really intense form of love.

02:07:12.000 You know, that's a weird way to describe it, but the psychedelic experiences make you feel loved.

02:07:17.000 Not to everybody.

02:07:18.000 But does that mean you have to do it?

02:07:19.000 Everybody shouldn't do it because some people have mental issues.

02:07:21.000 Some people, regular reality is slippery already.

02:07:24.000 And they probably shouldn't be doing anything.

02:07:24.000 Yeah.

02:07:26.000 But the people that do do it, that are in a good place when they wind up doing it, oftentimes experience this profound sense of being loved.

02:07:26.000 Right.

02:07:34.000 How important is it who you do it with?

02:07:36.000 Very important.

02:07:38.000 That's what it's said in this, is they have people that walk you through it that are professionals at guiding you through this kind of experience.

02:07:45.000 Yeah, that's super, super, super important.

02:07:48.000 Like a lot of those indigenous tribes that do these shamanic rituals, they have very rigid sort of ideas of like, this is what we do.

02:07:59.000 We sit down and we're all going to talk, we're all going to drink this liquid.

02:08:04.000 This guy's going to blow tobacco smoke and play the drums and it's like slowly going to come on and it's like orchestrated.

02:08:10.000 Like they're setting this up and this guy's going to sing and these guys will sing these things called Icaros.

02:08:15.000 And these Icaros are these songs that they sing that accompany the DMT experience.

02:08:21.000 So when you smoke DMT and you listen to these songs, you see these things dancing like as they're Like, I'll play it for you.

02:08:29.000 I've played it on the podcast before.

02:08:30.000 I think there's, like, tours now of some of these native places to take the whole experience.

02:08:36.000 Oh, there's a lot of them.

02:08:36.000 Yeah, there's a lot of them, dude.

02:08:37.000 Oh, I got it on my phone. 1.00

02:08:38.000 There's a lot of these fucking tours. 1.00

02:08:40.000 They're doing it all over the place. 0.99

02:08:41.000 And they're doing it, you know, some of them, it's not good, too.

02:08:44.000 Because there's going to be people that are capitalizing on those situations where, you know, they're just profiting.

02:08:51.000 Of course.

02:08:52.000 You see people holding up their cell phones, recording it.

02:08:55.000 Yeah.

02:08:56.000 Yeah, I got it right here.

02:08:59.000 Oh, plug it in?

02:09:00.000 Nah, I'll just play it on the thing here.

02:09:05.000 I think that it should all be legal.

02:09:07.000 I think you should be able to do whatever you want to do as far as if you want to run around and you want to have a good time and do mushrooms or drink whiskey or whatever it is.

02:09:19.000 Well, the whole scare used to be...

02:09:21.000 I was going to say, but when you see these studies coming out about the benefits of it, it makes you feel bad that all these people were...

02:09:21.000 I'm sorry.

02:09:30.000 Kept from that for so many decades.

02:09:33.000 There's a lot of people from 1970 when they made mushrooms illegal and LSD and pretty much everything to 2014. That's horrible.

02:09:41.000 That's 44, 45 years while these really beneficial plants have been illegal. 0.99

02:09:48.000 And for no fucking reason. 0.97

02:09:50.000 There's no reason that makes any sense. 0.98

02:09:52.000 Yeah, it's...

02:09:55.000 It was the Rockefeller Laws, right?

02:09:57.000 Is that what started it?

02:09:59.000 Someone, I don't know who was responsible for it all, but there was this sweeping... 0.97

02:10:06.000 Illegalization or, you know, sweeping Prohibition Act that covered shit that's not even psychoactive. 0.74

02:10:11.000 They just started marking things illegal. 0.90

02:10:14.000 They didn't know exactly what was legal, what wasn't legal, but they lumped shit in like everything that was Schedule 1. There's all non-toxic, non-lethal drugs that are Schedule 1, like a giant percentage of them, which is crazy because that just shows you that there's a giant problem with the way they're classifying drugs still in 2015. Marijuana federally is still a Schedule 1 drug.

02:10:37.000 It's fucking completely ridiculous. 1.00

02:10:40.000 Same as crack. 1.00

02:10:40.000 Yes. 1.00

02:10:41.000 Same as cocaine.

02:10:42.000 Well, cocaine and then heroin is scheduled too, right?

02:10:46.000 Because I think they have medicinal uses, you know, because opiates they use for painkillers and there's medical cocaine.

02:10:54.000 I'm going to make sure that I'm right about that because I think they might have changed that.

02:10:57.000 Well, that was the whole thing that...

02:10:59.000 Black people feel like is that why is it that crack is Schedule 1 and cocaine is Schedule 2? 0.98

02:11:04.000 Because crack is for black people and cocaine is for white people is the implication. 0.99

02:11:10.000 Which is unbelievably racist, right? 0.99

02:11:12.000 There's the issue.

02:11:14.000 Heroin is one.

02:11:15.000 It used to be two, I believe.

02:11:16.000 Now it's one.

02:11:17.000 And coke is still two. 0.99

02:11:20.000 Which is fucking bananas. 0.99

02:11:22.000 But look, psilocybin. 0.99

02:11:24.000 Psilocybin and marijuana and LSD and mescaline.

02:11:28.000 Jesus Christ.

02:11:29.000 Is there a danger with psilocybin?

02:11:31.000 No.

02:11:32.000 You can't freak out on it.

02:11:33.000 Yeah, you can definitely freak out.

02:11:34.000 But you come back.

02:11:35.000 Well, hopefully.

02:11:37.000 So there is a possibility.

02:11:39.000 If you get that close to the abyss, I mean, the experiences that you have in those things, if you have a weak heart, it would probably be incredibly taxing because a lot of people feel like they're going to die.

02:11:49.000 They relive their entire life.

02:11:51.000 They look at themselves through this really intense introspective vision that freaks them out.

02:11:55.000 The harsh introspective aspects of a lot of these psychedelics really bother some people.

02:12:00.000 And if you're barely hanging on, if you're on the verge of a heart attack, it could push you over the top.

02:12:06.000 Adderall's schedule, too. 1.00

02:12:08.000 I used to take that shit. 1.00

02:12:09.000 Well, that's legal. 1.00

02:12:10.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:12:10.000 All that shit they could prescribe. 1.00

02:12:12.000 Look at all that stuff. 1.00

02:12:14.000 That's a lot of stuff.

02:12:15.000 Yeah, there's a lot of drugs up there. 0.87

02:12:17.000 Look at all those drugs.

02:12:19.000 They did a special on 60 Minutes last night about that they think they have a cure for the Ebola virus.

02:12:27.000 I mean, it worked.

02:12:28.000 They only had like seven batches of it, and they gave it to seven people, and they were all cured.

02:12:32.000 But they knew about it since the 70s, but it's taken them this many years to develop it because none of the pharmaceutical companies can make a profit off of it.

02:12:43.000 Because the government wasn't buying it.

02:12:45.000 They weren't really, you know, actively, you know, they were looking for a cure but not really putting any money behind it.

02:12:51.000 And so, but in order to make this cure, they have to like take fucking thousands of acres of this special kind of tobacco and they have to soak it in this chemical and all to come up with like a dozen doses.

02:13:06.000 Wow. 0.98

02:13:07.000 It's crazy.

02:13:08.000 That's so strange.

02:13:10.000 Wow.

02:13:11.000 When you think about what these indigenous tribes have been able to do with these plants, that's when it gets really strange. 1.00

02:13:17.000 Think about the fact that they've figured out a big percentage of the pharmaceutical drugs that we use today, a big percentage of them come from rainforests.

02:13:25.000 Really?

02:13:26.000 Yeah, they find a lot of plants.

02:13:28.000 They're constantly searching the rainforests for different medicinal properties of plants.

02:13:32.000 They think that one day they're going to come up with some plant that cures cancer, they're going to find it.

02:13:35.000 And the Amazon, they use them for a lot of different purposes.

02:13:39.000 Which is, you know, weird.

02:13:41.000 These people figured out some of them on their own.

02:13:43.000 You know, the ayahuasca thing, they figured that thing on their own.

02:13:46.000 They figured out how to blend plants and make a drug out of it.

02:13:49.000 They figured out how to boil it and the whole thing.

02:13:52.000 They use a pot and they boil it.

02:13:54.000 And it takes hours.

02:13:55.000 Yeah.

02:13:56.000 They all figured out a way how to do this, which is just...

02:13:59.000 A lot of trial and error.

02:14:00.000 A lot of stuff they tried that somebody died from and they went, well, check that one off.

02:14:04.000 Yeah, like the knowledge of what you can eat in your neighborhood.

02:14:07.000 Yeah. 0.97

02:14:08.000 Fucking super important, right? 1.00

02:14:10.000 The wrong little stripe on a frog and you're dead. 0.99

02:14:14.000 You know, the wrong little, you know... 0.56

02:14:18.000 A little spot on a bug that can kill you. 0.96

02:14:21.000 Knowing how to plant the seeds in a way that makes them grow correctly and how to burn out the forest when it needs to be burned out.

02:14:28.000 I was just in Yellowstone and they were talking about how the native people used to set fires.

02:14:34.000 They knew the schedule to rotate burning the forest out so they didn't get super fires.

02:14:40.000 And the ashes were...

02:14:42.000 Was that it?

02:14:45.000 Yeah, this is the sound... 0.99

02:14:48.000 That you listen to when you're fucked up on DMT. I wish I could describe what it looks like. 0.98

02:14:57.000 But you see the song.

02:14:59.000 When you're under an influence, you actually see it.

02:15:03.000 Like the song takes place in a three-dimensional form.

02:15:06.000 It's like it's a dancing thing.

02:15:08.000 It's not just a sound.

02:15:10.000 It becomes like a dancing object in your mind.

02:15:14.000 Like, it transforms the trip.

02:15:16.000 And do people describe it similarly, what they see?

02:15:19.000 Yeah, but it's hard to describe.

02:15:21.000 So I think they're saying something similar, but there's no real words for it. 0.69

02:15:26.000 Like, everything that I've said, the way I described it, is really shitty.

02:15:30.000 It's like you can't really do it.

02:15:32.000 There's no context for the experience.

02:15:35.000 The experience is so weird.

02:15:36.000 There's no context for it.

02:15:37.000 So if you described it and I listened to your description, I'm like, I guess we were in the same place.

02:15:43.000 But it's not like, yeah, there was this tree.

02:15:45.000 You remember there was a tree and it had a broken branch and it laid over...

02:15:48.000 Oh, yeah, I remember that.

02:15:49.000 It was right near the fountain.

02:15:50.000 Yes.

02:15:51.000 And it's not like that.

02:15:52.000 You would be describing it to me and I'd be like, okay, maybe...

02:15:56.000 Complex geometric patterns, floating in and out of existence, constantly morphing in front of you.

02:16:02.000 It's all love and understanding.

02:16:03.000 I guess you were in the same spot.

02:16:06.000 Was there a 7-Eleven?

02:16:09.000 What did it smell like? 0.55

02:16:10.000 Did it smell like bum piss? 0.77

02:16:12.000 Yes, bum piss! 0.99

02:16:13.000 Oh, we were in the same spot. 0.98

02:16:15.000 Yeah.

02:16:15.000 You could talk about like, oh, I went to the ski lodge.

02:16:18.000 You walk in, there's a big moose on the wall.

02:16:19.000 Oh yeah, I've been in that spot.

02:16:22.000 You say, you know, oh, we did LSD. What was it like?

02:16:25.000 Oh, it's just, I spent an hour staring in the mirror, and I watched my entire life from birth to that moment on fast forward.

02:16:34.000 You know, okay.

02:16:34.000 Yeah.

02:16:36.000 Because you're not going to jot it down while you're doing it.

02:16:39.000 It'd be great if they come up with a technology where they can videotape what your imagination is going through while you're tripping on something, and then show it in major theaters around the country.

02:16:48.000 Yeah.

02:16:48.000 That's one of the things that someone, it might have been McKenna again, was speculating that one of the best ways to deliver a psychedelic trip to someone was virtual reality and figuring out a way through CGI imagery to reproduce the effects of the trip,

02:17:07.000 to reproduce what you're seeing.

02:17:09.000 Yeah.

02:17:10.000 If they could get the technology to that point, where someone could go trip, do mushrooms or do DMT, trip, and then figure out a way to reproduce that.

02:17:21.000 Then you would take the drugs out, somebody could just watch the trip and feel the trip?

02:17:24.000 Yeah.

02:17:26.000 Yeah, that it could be possible, that it could be done that way.

02:17:28.000 He was totally believing it could be done that way.

02:17:32.000 There's people that say they could do it with yoga, man.

02:17:34.000 There's people that say they can have full-blown psychedelic experiences, hallucinations, visuals, you know, transported to the center of the universe and dancing with angels, the whole deal.

02:17:44.000 And they do it all through yoga.

02:17:45.000 Yeah, yeah.

02:17:46.000 I know with meditation, there's certain levels you can get to.

02:17:48.000 I mean, I do very basic TM. I've been doing it for like six months, but I do it twice a day.

02:17:53.000 Yeah.

02:17:53.000 Six months?

02:17:54.000 What made you start?

02:17:57.000 Everybody I talked to that had done it had a profound experience with it.

02:18:00.000 You know, their lives are better.

02:18:02.000 You know, Seinfeld has done it forever.

02:18:05.000 And a lot of comics that I like were doing it.

02:18:09.000 What do you do?

02:18:10.000 It's really simple.

02:18:11.000 It's a very unguided meditation.

02:18:12.000 You just kind of sit in a comfortable place.

02:18:14.000 They give you a mantra that you do.

02:18:17.000 And you're not tied to the mantra.

02:18:19.000 You're not like repeating it over and over again and that's all you think about.

02:18:22.000 It's more of like it kind of leads you.

02:18:24.000 It's sort of the way they describe it is it's almost like it's off in the distance and you can hear it, but it's not your whole focus.

02:18:31.000 And then your brain can go wherever it's going to go.

02:18:34.000 You can go into little daydreams and then you can gently notice that and pull yourself back to the mantra and do that.

02:18:40.000 And you just let yourself go with it and it's very non-judgmental.

02:18:44.000 You don't ever judge where your mind went.

02:18:46.000 You don't snap yourself back to it.

02:18:48.000 And then it ends.

02:18:51.000 It feels like 5-10 minutes and 20 minutes ends.

02:18:54.000 I set my alarm.

02:18:56.000 And then you just feel totally rested and centered and stress is gone and like my baseline of depression has been so much higher since I started.

02:19:06.000 You mean the baseline meaning like...

02:19:08.000 Like I get depression and this helped me a lot.

02:19:12.000 Oh, so you're not saying the depression is higher?

02:19:15.000 No, I'm saying the bad part of the depression, the level is higher.

02:19:19.000 Right.

02:19:21.000 That's really fascinating.

02:19:23.000 What is the mantra?

02:19:24.000 Well, they give each person a different one.

02:19:24.000 What do you say?

02:19:26.000 I mean, there's X number of mantras.

02:19:28.000 I don't know how many there are.

02:19:29.000 But they assign them to you.

02:19:31.000 Give me an example of what a mantra might be.

02:19:32.000 Like, OM is the classic mantra.

02:19:36.000 So it doesn't have to be a word?

02:19:38.000 No, it's a sound.

02:19:39.000 It's always a sound.

02:19:40.000 Yeah.

02:19:41.000 So you just sit there and make the sound.

02:19:43.000 Well, it's Sanskrit, so it's different Sanskrit sounds.

02:19:45.000 TM is like Transcendental Meditation is all Sanskrit?

02:19:48.000 Right.

02:19:48.000 Wow.

02:19:49.000 And so just sitting there going om, om.

02:19:52.000 Well, no, it's all, you don't say it.

02:19:54.000 You don't verbalize it.

02:19:55.000 In your mind you do it.

02:19:55.000 In your mind.

02:19:56.000 But it does have a resonant sound because they say even mentally there's some kind of reverberation that goes on.

02:20:02.000 So this, just doing this, has raised, like, whatever depression that you do get, it takes a longer time to come on and it's less impactful?

02:20:10.000 It doesn't stay.

02:20:11.000 It doesn't stay.

02:20:12.000 And I don't go down as far as I did.

02:20:15.000 And that's probably the chief reason I started is that I'd read a lot about it and it said that that's one of the main things.

02:20:20.000 You know, anxiety and depression can be tied hand in hand.

02:20:23.000 I don't think I experience anxiety as much as just anxiety.

02:20:27.000 You know, my family has depression.

02:20:28.000 You know, everybody in my family's got it.

02:20:30.000 And it's just something that, you know, you can medicate it, you can exercise it out, or you can, you know, there's a lot of different ways to go at it.

02:20:38.000 That's a weird way that we have to regulate the mind, to manage the mind, by just taking a thing.

02:20:46.000 Like a sound and rolling it over in your mind over and over and over again.

02:20:50.000 And it's almost like a cycle, like a cleaning cycle.

02:20:53.000 Yeah, it's like stopping the cycle.

02:20:55.000 It's stopping the cycle of thoughts that are non-stop in your mind.

02:20:58.000 It gives you a break.

02:20:59.000 It's almost like doing a cleanse.

02:21:01.000 It gives your stomach and your colon a chance to clean itself.

02:21:04.000 So twice a day, you're stopping that.

02:21:07.000 And that's the thing that I find with it is that I get bored of the cycle.

02:21:11.000 Like if I'm going through my day, I'm having a cycle of thoughts like anybody does.

02:21:16.000 And you don't notice that it's a cycle until you stop and it's all that's in your mind. 0.99

02:21:20.000 And then you go, oh, you're fucking, that's boring. 0.99

02:21:23.000 We've already thought that. 1.00

02:21:25.000 And you just kind of let it go and it goes away.

02:21:28.000 I like that idea of a cleaning cycle.

02:21:31.000 You introduce a cleaning agent for 20 minutes and you nip all the buds and parse all the problems and settle it all down.

02:21:41.000 That makes sense because me at my worst in my life, when I've felt most out of control in my life or doing the wrong shit or least in control of my emotions, I've always felt like I was on...

02:21:56.000 Yeah.

02:22:14.000 Get into that space where you just let it all go, and once you do let it all go, you can start fresh. 0.94

02:22:21.000 But when you don't get a chance to do that, it seems like you're constantly dealing with this phone call, what's connected to that thing that you've got to take care of, you didn't clean out that thing, and fuck, and this guy wants to meet you because you're supposed to do that thing, and it's all like, ah! 0.84

02:22:21.000 Right. 0.84

02:22:33.000 It all builds up to the point where the anxiety is oftentimes just the data, the sheer data that you're dealing with every day in life. 0.99

02:22:39.000 Whether it's emotional shit, whether it's memory shit, whether it's work-related shit or family-related shit. 1.00

02:22:44.000 It's like, fuck! 1.00

02:22:45.000 And your thoughts all go to... 1.00

02:22:47.000 They all go back to...

02:22:49.000 I mean, not to be Freudian, because I'm not Freudian, but there are aberrations in your thoughts in terms of how we perceive ourselves and what external events...

02:22:59.000 How we identify ourselves based on external events like, I didn't get this job.

02:23:04.000 That means...

02:23:05.000 Well, you can...

02:23:06.000 You can control what that means.

02:23:08.000 There's ways of having cognitive changes where you stop yourself from thinking what you thought from being a child and having a father that beat you or even something more subtle.

02:23:19.000 Things that affected over time the way you connected external events to how you felt about yourself.

02:23:25.000 And you can go in and you can just, by repeating, you know, no, that doesn't mean that, you know, that just means that this happened, like power of now.

02:23:35.000 It's like you don't, you know, a thought is not a reality.

02:23:38.000 It's just something that is flowing through you and you can notice it and you can comment on it without internalizing it and going for the full ride.

02:23:46.000 You say that's one of the things that people have the hardest time with when it comes to sufferers, people that are trying to overcome the Abuse that they had when they were in childhood because that abuse oftentimes defines them.

02:24:02.000 They feel like they're a shitty person for being abused.

02:24:05.000 You're damaged because you've been abused. 0.97

02:24:08.000 And you sort of define yourself by this abuse that you've suffered.

02:24:11.000 Where you can't look at the bright side of things.

02:24:15.000 Bad things are always going to happen to you.

02:24:17.000 It's like you've defined yourself in some way because of the abuse that you've suffered.

02:24:21.000 Or you even caused the abuse because you're bad.

02:24:23.000 Right, yeah, you could have that.

02:24:25.000 There was a reason why I was beat.

02:24:26.000 It's my fault.

02:24:27.000 So then when anything bad happens in your life, you go back to thinking you caused it.

02:24:31.000 It makes you think if this psychedelic legislation of the 1970s, if it never had been passed, and if these 35 years since that happened, if people had been allowed to explore These things and come to these conclusions and try to figure out what are the beneficial aspects of the way we behave and the way we think and the way we sort of qualify and quantify life's meaning.

02:24:57.000 Whether it's financial or whether it's family.

02:25:00.000 What's really smart about this?

02:25:02.000 And how much more could we have done if people were doing mushrooms?

02:25:07.000 Doing acid.

02:25:08.000 So much more thinking would have taken place on these really, people could say they're frivolous, these are distractions, but they're not. 0.95

02:25:17.000 These ideas and concepts that you develop when you're either doing psychedelics or meditating or Anything where you're involved in sort of an active assessment and resetting of your consciousness, whether it's yoga, meditation, whatever the fuck it is,

02:25:33.000 tanks, isolation tanks, what you're doing is you're allowing yourself time to reflect on what you're doing and whether or not it's beneficial and what could be changed.

02:25:43.000 And if you don't have that reflection time, you oftentimes don't change unless you fall completely apart and you're forced to rebuild.

02:25:50.000 You have to bottom out to change, yeah.

02:25:51.000 It's a lot of people.

02:25:52.000 That's what they always say about drug addicts.

02:25:53.000 They have to hit rock bottom.

02:25:54.000 They gotta hit bottom.

02:25:55.000 Anything.

02:25:56.000 Gambling.

02:25:57.000 And we're always shocked by people's bottoms. 1.00

02:25:59.000 You look at somebody who just keeps fucking up. 0.99

02:26:02.000 Like Britney Spears when she was really going down the rails. 1.00

02:26:06.000 It was like, hasn't she hit bottom yet?

02:26:08.000 Nope.

02:26:09.000 Not even close.

02:26:11.000 And then there's other people like me.

02:26:12.000 I had a pretty shallow bottom.

02:26:14.000 I quit drinking when I was, like, I don't know, 24?

02:26:18.000 And I started drinking when I was probably 12, so I drank for, you know, a decent period of time.

02:26:22.000 But, like, I wasn't blowing guys for a sandwich.

02:26:26.000 I was just feeling like it was controlling my life.

02:26:29.000 I was feeling like this is something I'm going to when I'm feeling bad.

02:26:32.000 Yeah.

02:26:56.000 For me, I think changing it with a shallow bottom meant that there was so much more baggage that went with it, you know, that I was bottoming out with feeling that I was dependent on something and I wasn't, I couldn't be myself fully because there was a part of my psyche that was locked up in this thing.

02:27:12.000 And that was enough for me to go, I got to change.

02:27:14.000 I don't want to live my life like that.

02:27:16.000 You did it young, man.

02:27:17.000 I remember when you did it.

02:27:18.000 I remember it because I remember you were almost like, like you had remorse, you know, that you had to do this. 0.99

02:27:27.000 Like I felt like there was almost a sadness about you about the having it like, fuck. 0.99

02:27:32.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:27:33.000 I can't do this.

02:27:34.000 I just can't do it.

02:27:35.000 I'm gonna miss it, but it's over.

02:27:35.000 I'm sorry.

02:27:37.000 And you just, you just stopped.

02:27:37.000 Yeah.

02:27:39.000 You know, you didn't have to fucking join AA with all these other comics. 0.89

02:27:43.000 There was a million comics that were in AA, and they were all like, they had this like real weird preachy thing about them too. 0.97

02:27:48.000 They'd look at you drinking, they'd shake their head.

02:27:51.000 They were really annoying, you know?

02:27:53.000 You didn't do that.

02:27:54.000 You just stopped drinking.

02:27:55.000 You stopped.

02:27:57.000 Yeah, and it's funny because Boston, AA in Boston is a very intense thing because with the same power they drank with, they got sober with.

02:28:05.000 You know, they would rage with sobriety.

02:28:08.000 And you know, look, God bless them.

02:28:08.000 Yeah.

02:28:09.000 The people that used it and it worked for them, that's fantastic.

02:28:12.000 But for some of them, it became like two meetings a day and, you know, you got three sponsors and it's like, you know, that's great, but, you know, move along a little bit here.

02:28:23.000 You're getting a little caught up in this thing.

02:28:24.000 Well, it becomes their culture.

02:28:25.000 The culture of sober people.

02:28:25.000 Yeah.

02:28:27.000 That's a big culture.

02:28:29.000 It's a strong culture.

02:28:30.000 Yeah, and again, for some people, it's life or death.

02:28:33.000 It literally is those are the stakes with the meetings.

02:28:36.000 And also, it's a good launching pad for a lot of comics.

02:28:36.000 Oh, yeah, man.

02:28:40.000 They get up and do those meetings. 0.99

02:28:41.000 They tell hilarious stories about waking up shit-faced stuffed into a laundry machine. 1.00

02:28:46.000 And they have these ridiculous shit-their-pants stories. 1.00

02:28:49.000 Best crowd of all time. 1.00

02:28:51.000 They're jacked up on coffee.

02:28:51.000 They're all sober.

02:28:53.000 They love it. 1.00

02:28:54.000 And they know what the fuck you're talking about. 0.99

02:28:56.000 They're having a good time. 0.99

02:28:58.000 I remember going to some...

02:28:59.000 I think it was called like Miskipa or something.

02:29:02.000 I don't know why I remember that.

02:29:03.000 But it was in Worcester and the AA community gets together and they do these conventions where they had like, you know, a thousand people coming from all over New England staying in this hotel and just having meetings.

02:29:15.000 You know, there's a 9 a.m.

02:29:16.000 There's a 12 o'clock step meeting and they'd all go and apparently... 0.98

02:29:22.000 Everybody's fucking everybody because they got all this energy to channel and burn off. 0.99

02:29:27.000 And so it's just hypersexual. 0.99

02:29:29.000 Obviously very social.

02:29:30.000 I mean, what's more social than you sit down in a meeting and the person next to you go, how you doing?

02:29:35.000 12 years sober.

02:29:36.000 How you doing?

02:29:36.000 I'm great.

02:29:37.000 10 years sober.

02:29:37.000 Somebody does a motivational talk.

02:29:40.000 You clap.

02:29:40.000 You laugh.

02:29:41.000 Everybody has a coffee halfway through. 0.99

02:29:43.000 What a fucking great way to meet people. 0.98

02:29:44.000 And now you're just like, normally you would go get drunk and pass out and instead you're awake. 0.99

02:29:50.000 And jacked up on coffee.

02:29:51.000 And you all have something in common.

02:29:53.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:29:55.000 Talk about your sobriety while you fuck. 1.00

02:29:59.000 Oh, I'm drunk with your cock. 1.00

02:30:01.000 People love little groups. 1.00

02:30:02.000 Being part of a nice little group that everybody else is trying to run marathons.

02:30:06.000 Let's go get our marathon runners group together.

02:30:08.000 Yeah.

02:30:08.000 Oh, we're all owners of Datsuns.

02:30:10.000 We're going to get our Datsuns.

02:30:11.000 Oh, little doggies. 1.00

02:30:12.000 Look, you're a little Datsun. 0.93

02:30:14.000 I got a Datsun, too.

02:30:15.000 I thought you meant Datsuns because there's probably a group of people that own Datsuns.

02:30:17.000 Those old 240Zs. 1.00

02:30:17.000 Sure. 1.00

02:30:19.000 Yep. 1.00

02:30:19.000 Those are the shit. 1.00

02:30:20.000 Those old little Japanese sports cars. 1.00

02:30:22.000 Those are fucking badass. 0.92

02:30:23.000 But those little groups of people, man, no matter what it is, people love being part of those little groups. 0.83

02:30:29.000 You ever go to a dog park? 0.98

02:30:30.000 What are you, shitting me? 0.95

02:30:31.000 Same people every day, and you know what they talk about while they hang out? 1.00

02:30:35.000 Dogs.

02:30:37.000 That's all they talk about.

02:30:38.000 Well, I got a corgi.

02:30:40.000 Mine's half corgi, half poodle, so it's a c-c-c-c-c-c.

02:30:43.000 She is such a Pomeranian. 1.00

02:30:45.000 Let me tell you, she's such a Pomeranian. 1.00

02:30:48.000 Sometimes she looks in the mirror and she thinks it's another Pomeranian.

02:30:51.000 She barks. 1.00

02:30:52.000 It's adorable.

02:30:54.000 But she's protective.

02:30:55.000 I mean, you look at the size of her. 0.61

02:30:56.000 You wouldn't think she's protective.

02:30:57.000 Oh, she becomes an animal.

02:30:58.000 She becomes a bear.

02:30:59.000 How many people hear that?

02:31:01.000 Did you ever see Best in Show?

02:31:03.000 Oh yeah, that was great. 0.99

02:31:04.000 Fucking amazing. 0.97

02:31:05.000 That was awesome. 0.99

02:31:05.000 They nailed it. 0.99

02:31:06.000 They nailed that culture and they did it in a subtle enough way.

02:31:10.000 So it was just ridiculous enough where you go, that would never happen. 0.99

02:31:14.000 Like you go, that could fucking totally happen. 0.99

02:31:16.000 Yeah. 0.76

02:31:17.000 Yeah, those people that are really into anything, no matter what it is, it's always funny.

02:31:21.000 Even us, the way we talk about comedy, I'm sure people think it's hilarious.

02:31:26.000 Yeah, you've got to have something.

02:31:28.000 And I think as you get older, the more you want.

02:31:30.000 Because I think you don't realize when you're young that having a shared history about something is going to be so important.

02:31:35.000 The nostalgia of it.

02:31:37.000 The self-identity of it.

02:31:39.000 And so, as you get older, all of a sudden, you've got guys now that are just rejoicing in the fact that they're geeks.

02:31:45.000 That they all watched Star Wars when they were kids, and now they get together and they talk about it. 0.99

02:31:49.000 When they were watching Star Wars as a kid, they felt like a fucking geek. 0.97

02:31:52.000 And they weren't necessarily sharing it with anybody. 0.99

02:31:54.000 They were quietly watching it again and again and then crying in their father's basement.

02:31:58.000 You know, there wasn't like a solidarity about it.

02:32:01.000 No. 0.91

02:32:01.000 And you remember when like comic books used to be like for losers. 0.91

02:32:06.000 Yeah.

02:32:06.000 Like when I got rid of my comic books, I remember the girl I was dating was like, good.

02:32:10.000 Why do you need them?

02:32:11.000 Why'd you have them still?

02:32:13.000 You're 21. I'm like, I only got rid of them because I'm fucking broke. 0.99

02:32:17.000 I sold them to eat. 0.98

02:32:18.000 I missed them.

02:32:19.000 I missed all of them. 0.98

02:32:20.000 I collected those for a long fucking time. 0.97

02:32:22.000 I sold them for, like, no money. 0.97

02:32:24.000 And I don't remember what it was, but I had, like, these boxes.

02:32:27.000 You know, I had, like, three or four boxes filled with comics that I collected from the time I was, like, 15. Oh, shit. 0.98

02:32:33.000 Yeah, probably even earlier. 0.98

02:32:35.000 No, way earlier, because I had a couple of them from the time I was, like, 12 that I really started collecting when I moved to Boston.

02:32:42.000 But...

02:32:43.000 Before that, I guess I had some in San Francisco too.

02:32:46.000 But the point being, I'd have them for a good chunk of my life. 0.91

02:32:50.000 And I would open the plastic bags and pull out the fucking Hulk and different episodes that were valuable. 0.93

02:32:58.000 This one's worth five bucks. 0.99

02:33:00.000 Old X-Men and Punishers. 1.00

02:33:02.000 I love those fucking things. 1.00

02:33:04.000 But you were taught that you were a loser. 1.00

02:33:06.000 You're clinging on to some childhood stupidity. 1.00

02:33:08.000 Now they have Comic-Con. 1.00

02:33:10.000 A million people fly from all over the country to hang out in San Diego, and they all wear costumes and shit. 0.98

02:33:15.000 And those magazines would be worth a lot of money right now. 0.98

02:33:18.000 Probably.

02:33:19.000 I had all the Mad magazines starting in 1975. I had a subscription all the way through, probably like three, four, five years, and I had them all.

02:33:28.000 And then my mom just tossed them all out while I was in college, cleaned out the attic.

02:33:33.000 It was devastating.

02:33:34.000 Because like you, I used to actually go back and read them.

02:33:36.000 I thought they were hilarious. 0.98

02:33:37.000 Those old mad magazines were fucking brilliant. 0.98

02:33:39.000 Yeah. 0.98

02:33:40.000 Those were good.

02:33:41.000 My parents bought those when I was a little kid.

02:33:43.000 I used to read them in a toilet.

02:33:45.000 You know what else they had?

02:33:46.000 R. Crumb.

02:33:47.000 My stepdad was into R. Crumb. 1.00

02:33:49.000 No shit. 0.99

02:33:50.000 Yeah, you ever read these comics? 1.00

02:33:51.000 Yeah, I read that and the Fabulous Freak Brothers.

02:33:54.000 My stepdad was a hippie.

02:33:55.000 And when I was like seven, eight years old, when we all started living together, I guess I was like seven, I got introduced to this weird...

02:34:05.000 Kind of comic books they would leave in the bathroom.

02:34:08.000 The Fabulous Freak Brothers and...

02:34:10.000 That's San Francisco?

02:34:10.000 Yeah.

02:34:11.000 Yeah, that's when I was living in San Francisco.

02:34:12.000 From like 7 to 11. No, but I mean, I think the artist...

02:34:15.000 That's San Francisco, right?

02:34:17.000 Was he?

02:34:17.000 I think so.

02:34:18.000 Yeah, Art Crum was San Francisco.

02:34:19.000 Did you ever see that documentary?

02:34:21.000 Yeah.

02:34:21.000 Fascinating.

02:34:21.000 Yeah, really cool.

02:34:23.000 He was a weird motherfucker. 1.00

02:34:24.000 Still is. 1.00

02:34:25.000 A weird motherfucker. 1.00

02:34:26.000 Is he still alive? 1.00

02:34:26.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:34:27.000 Wow.

02:34:27.000 I think he lives in France.

02:34:28.000 I think he moved to Paris or something.

02:34:28.000 Yeah.

02:34:30.000 But his image is like he would draw these women with these red... 1.00

02:34:33.000 Ridiculous, enormous asses, and men would be riding them and shit. 1.00

02:34:37.000 It was just a very strange fetish. 1.00

02:34:40.000 And seeing that as a little boy, I remember thinking, who is this weird fucking guy? 0.99

02:34:45.000 And why is he drawing these people like this? 0.99

02:34:49.000 The Fabulous Freak Brothers was a big one.

02:34:51.000 They were all hippie comic strips, all black and white.

02:34:56.000 Comic books that were sort of designed for adults.

02:34:59.000 It was very strange stuff.

02:35:00.000 Yeah, it was very, like, you could call it perverted, but it was actually just really raw.

02:35:07.000 Yeah.

02:35:07.000 It was like, it wasn't dirty.

02:35:09.000 It was just graphic.

02:35:11.000 Yeah.

02:35:12.000 It was just, like, and resonated.

02:35:15.000 It seemed kind of honest.

02:35:16.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:35:17.000 Like, watching this weird fucking guy with glasses, R. Crumb, like his version of himself that he would do, like, Riding on top of these women with these enormous asses and high heels. 1.00

02:35:26.000 It was very strange, but you could tell. 1.00

02:35:29.000 For him, this was like this wild fantasy.

02:35:31.000 I gotta see that movie again.

02:35:32.000 It was really good. 1.00

02:35:34.000 Shit. 1.00

02:35:34.000 Insight into a really extremely creative artist and all the weird demons that flow through his brain or angels, whatever it is, that make him create his very strange art. 1.00

02:35:48.000 I'm trying to think if there's anything like that today.

02:35:50.000 I mean, there's all these cartoons, like Adult Swim kind of cartoons that are a little offbeat, but they're nowhere near as raw as this stuff is.

02:35:58.000 No.

02:35:58.000 I think that if you did it today, you'd be accused of being misogynist.

02:36:02.000 Oh, yeah.

02:36:02.000 No, his stuff was...

02:36:03.000 Definitely had a lot of racist overtones.

02:36:06.000 Yeah.

02:36:07.000 But that's what I mean by it was raw.

02:36:09.000 It was honest.

02:36:10.000 It was like, no, this is how this guy thinks.

02:36:12.000 He's writing.

02:36:13.000 There's something that you could appreciate about this guy is unadulterated putting his thoughts on paper.

02:36:19.000 Yeah, let's Google R. Crumb racism and then look at this.

02:36:23.000 Bam.

02:36:25.000 Oh, yeah.

02:36:26.000 Yeah, I mean, he's doing total blackface images. 0.97

02:36:29.000 Like, Jesus Christ.

02:36:30.000 But he was like a hero of the counterculture at the time.

02:36:30.000 Yeah.

02:36:34.000 Oh, yeah.

02:36:35.000 Like, he did a lot of like, oh my God, look at this one. 1.00

02:36:41.000 Shit. 1.00

02:36:42.000 I mean, he's a really fucking racist, man. 1.00

02:36:44.000 Holy shit. 1.00

02:36:45.000 But they had a sense of humor to them that you had to be in on the joke. 1.00

02:36:50.000 I guess.

02:36:50.000 Yeah.

02:36:51.000 If you just looked at it from the outside, you would just be like, what the fuck kind of hate mail is this? 0.99

02:36:56.000 I know, man. 0.99

02:36:57.000 Wow, this is weird.

02:37:00.000 This is weird to see. 0.99

02:37:01.000 I had forgotten how racist some of this shit was and how weird some of it was. 0.99

02:37:06.000 Like, there's him and this woman with these enormous, like, horse-like legs. 0.99

02:37:10.000 Like, they were so exaggerated. 1.00

02:37:12.000 The size of their asses and legs. 0.99

02:37:14.000 He was the first big-ass guy, way before J-Lo, way before any of these people. 0.99

02:37:21.000 He was, like, the first. 0.99

02:37:23.000 He was, like, really into giant asses. 1.00

02:37:25.000 But he also had, like, really cool, like, political shit. 1.00

02:37:29.000 You know, he had, like, here's one of him riding a woman. 0.99

02:37:33.000 Like, look at that.

02:37:35.000 How strange.

02:37:36.000 Look at the legs, yeah.

02:37:38.000 Yeah, he would ride these women that were in cut-off jeans. 1.00

02:37:42.000 Jesus Christ.

02:37:43.000 Oh yeah, I've seen this.

02:37:45.000 This is a famous one.

02:37:46.000 The true Amazon.

02:37:47.000 Low center of gravity.

02:37:48.000 Wide hips.

02:37:49.000 Strong back.

02:37:50.000 He had these weird fetishes about thick, powerful women that he would ride. 1.00

02:37:59.000 I wonder what his sex life was. 0.99

02:38:01.000 He must have been with big prostitutes. 1.00

02:38:03.000 Uh, damn, who knows? 1.00

02:38:05.000 I wonder if he would tell us. 0.98

02:38:08.000 You gotta get him on your podcast.

02:38:10.000 Yeah, I bet he doesn't do podcasts.

02:38:13.000 I mean, I don't know where he even is.

02:38:16.000 I think he is in France.

02:38:17.000 Do you think he's on Twitter?

02:38:18.000 I'm gonna say no.

02:38:20.000 What do you think? 0.96

02:38:21.000 I'm going to say that if you got in touch with him and you said, I'll come to you, I want to talk to you, I'm a big fan, he wouldn't give a shit if it was a podcast or whatever. 0.86

02:38:29.000 I bet you that guy would sit down with you. 0.85

02:38:31.000 Yeah.

02:38:31.000 Really?

02:38:32.000 That's my guess.

02:38:33.000 I would say just the opposite. 1.00

02:38:35.000 I'd say he's just some fucking weird guy who likes to hide from people. 0.99

02:38:39.000 But I might be wrong. 0.99

02:38:40.000 Only one way to find out.

02:38:41.000 I think you'd be kind of introverted.

02:38:43.000 Some of it is here drawing a blank with Robert Crumb as a Guardian article.

02:38:46.000 Some of his work is pretty striking, but he's hardly worthy of his current status as god of the literary underground.

02:38:52.000 Wow.

02:38:53.000 These are people who are upset.

02:38:55.000 I remember my sister used to work at an art gallery in New York, the Alexander Gallery, and they had an Art Crumb exhibit, and I remember asking her, and she said, no, he didn't come.

02:39:04.000 Yeah.

02:39:04.000 It was a huge, like, month-long exhibit.

02:39:06.000 Yeah.

02:39:07.000 Yeah, he probably doesn't want to deal with all the weirdness that he must get from these kind of strange images. 0.97

02:39:12.000 Most of your images are like women with big giant asses and huge legs, tree trunk legs, and a lot of them have dudes riding these women. 1.00

02:39:20.000 Like, people would get upset at you. 0.99

02:39:22.000 Those would be uncomfortable moments.

02:39:24.000 Why are you making me look at this?

02:39:25.000 What is this?

02:39:26.000 What is your obsession with women with giant ankles? 1.00

02:39:28.000 I think they used to put them in penthouse.

02:39:32.000 Really?

02:39:33.000 I think so.

02:39:35.000 Hmm.

02:39:37.000 This is really interesting.

02:39:38.000 Keep on truckin'. 1.00

02:39:39.000 That was his shit. 1.00

02:39:40.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:39:42.000 Yeah, I mean, he was like a part of that weird hippie subculture of like the late 60s and the 70s.

02:39:49.000 It's a strange time to be alive, man.

02:39:51.000 These are the first people that were really kind of experimenting with LSD and cannabis was like, oh my god, some of these are so racist.

02:39:59.000 I can't even look at them anymore.

02:40:00.000 I am upset, Greg Fitzsimmons.

02:40:02.000 I literally can't look at them.

02:40:03.000 I'm looking at Penthouse.

02:40:05.000 I know that's not one I would have around the house with the kids.

02:40:10.000 Well, I think people now that look at the content of it, that was kind of what that Guardian article was about. 0.99

02:40:14.000 They're like, hey, this guy was kind of fucked up. 0.92

02:40:16.000 Like, why are we making him out to be this amazing artist? 0.97

02:40:20.000 But it is amazing art because it does something to you.

02:40:23.000 It gives you this reaction.

02:40:25.000 You know, is it necessarily all good?

02:40:27.000 No, but it's art.

02:40:28.000 Like, this is a very...

02:40:30.000 This is a very unique individual viewpoint.

02:40:33.000 This is this guy's viewpoint.

02:40:35.000 And that is art.

02:40:36.000 You might not like it.

02:40:37.000 You might be weirded out by it. 0.96

02:40:39.000 But it takes weird people to make shit that strikes you in the way that this guy's work strikes people. 0.93

02:40:44.000 Well, art's turned into something that people are supposed to agree with. 0.98

02:40:47.000 And it's supposed to not offend anybody.

02:40:50.000 And that's the opposite.

02:40:52.000 Art's supposed to shake it up.

02:40:53.000 It's supposed to challenge.

02:40:54.000 I mean, you think about punk rock.

02:40:56.000 And now it's almost like...

02:40:59.000 When you think about, oh, punk rock, yeah, they have a mohawk and they pierce stuff and they jump up and down.

02:40:59.000 Folksy.

02:41:03.000 But when it came out, it was anarchy.

02:41:06.000 When it came out in London, it was about, you know, there were strikes going on at the time and there was riots going on in the street.

02:41:13.000 And, you know, punk rock represented something that was really fucking scary to the status quo.

02:41:18.000 Yeah, it wasn't just your mom won't buy you a car. 0.71

02:41:20.000 And now they call Green Day punk rock. 0.98

02:41:23.000 It's like, are you fucking kidding me? 0.99

02:41:25.000 When Green Day was shitting on Justin Bieber, we're not fucking Justin Bieber. 0.99

02:41:29.000 It was like, oh God. 0.99

02:41:30.000 Oh, did they say?

02:41:31.000 If you have to say that, you're not punk rock.

02:41:34.000 Yeah.

02:41:34.000 I mean, there was some thing where they're getting him off stage early.

02:41:37.000 Do you remember that, Jamie?

02:41:38.000 Yeah, he freaked out. 0.96

02:41:38.000 Yeah, he freaked out and he said, we're not fucking Justin Bieber. 0.96

02:41:41.000 I think he probably apologized to Justin Bieber after that.

02:41:43.000 Yeah.

02:41:44.000 No offense.

02:41:45.000 Green Day is a great band, but they're not punk rock.

02:41:48.000 Yeah, they're okay.

02:41:49.000 They're an okay pop band.

02:41:50.000 Yeah, they're a pop band.

02:41:52.000 Yeah, it's not my style, but they have some songs that I like.

02:41:55.000 Sure.

02:41:55.000 If I hear them, I think they're enjoyable.

02:41:57.000 Right.

02:41:58.000 But it's not like...

02:42:00.000 This is like...

02:42:01.000 R. Crumb was really essentially like punk rock comic books.

02:42:04.000 Yeah.

02:42:05.000 A lot of the racist stuff that he did, he wasn't necessarily being racist as he was highlighting how a racist would view something and doing it in a very shocking way.

02:42:17.000 I don't think I've ever read anything, I might be wrong, but I don't think I've ever read anything that indicated that he was actually racist.

02:42:28.000 No, no, I don't think so.

02:42:30.000 I think he was actually a big liberal.

02:42:32.000 He lived in San Francisco, I believe.

02:42:34.000 But I think it was a lot to do with just being a boy expressing himself.

02:42:39.000 He kind of had a rest of development. 0.99

02:42:42.000 In the same way that when I was 12 years old, the pictures that I would make would probably be in the wheelhouse of the shit that he was making. 0.98

02:42:49.000 He just made it much better and he did it as a man. 1.00

02:42:51.000 But to put big pussy lips and nipples that are four inches long, that's what he used to write. 1.00

02:42:58.000 I think he was just expressing that. 1.00

02:42:59.000 Yeah.

02:43:00.000 Well, also, I guess what he was doing with a lot of his images, there were racist pop culture images from the 1940s.

02:43:08.000 So he was reviving this very specific type of imagery that was really racist.

02:43:13.000 And so the real question, the argument in this article on hoodedutilitarian.com, the argument was whether or not it was ironic and or parody And,

02:43:28.000 like, whether it's enough to absolve him of doing, you know, these images, of re-enacting them or recreating them.

02:43:38.000 Hmm.

02:43:39.000 It's interesting.

02:43:41.000 It's interesting because it's kind of...

02:43:43.000 It's revealing, like, a very specific style of racist cartoons that they used to do.

02:43:49.000 Yeah.

02:43:50.000 And in doing so, he's, like, you know, he's highlighting it.

02:43:52.000 He's showing you, like, hey, like, this is...

02:43:55.000 If you're normal, and if you are a reasonable person who's not racist, you're not going to get racist feelings from looking at this.

02:44:01.000 What you're going to do is you're going to say, wow, this was like how people who are racist think.

02:44:06.000 Yeah.

02:44:06.000 It's not going to make you racist.

02:44:07.000 No, you look at like, you know, Chaplin was doing Hitler, you know, F Troop. 0.65

02:44:11.000 You know, you're depicting the Holocaust. 0.69

02:44:14.000 Yeah.

02:44:15.000 In a way that brings some humor to it and brings a different angle to it.

02:44:18.000 He had humor in his pictures. 1.00

02:44:21.000 Yeah, you don't become racist by looking at racist shit, right? 0.99

02:44:24.000 The idea is affecting developing minds, developing personalities, children. 1.00

02:44:31.000 Adolescents, showing them racist stuff and letting them know it's okay, that can plant racist seeds.

02:44:36.000 But once you're an adult, no one's going to make you racist. 0.99

02:44:40.000 If you're Greg Fitzsimmons in 2015 and you see some fucking ridiculous racist imagery, you're not going to automatically become racist, right? 0.89

02:44:49.000 So the real concern is, are we protecting people from these satire images because we're worried about the impact of them or because it's offensive? 0.94

02:45:06.000 Yeah.

02:45:22.000 The racial differences of each nationality is allowed to be highlighted in brutal fashion, and nobody cares. 1.00

02:45:28.000 Yeah.

02:45:29.000 Like Richard Pryor sold to white people the idea of mocking white people.

02:45:34.000 Hey there, fella. 1.00

02:45:36.000 You know, the white motherfuckers at work would, you know, like... 1.00

02:45:38.000 And we laughed. 1.00

02:45:39.000 Your mama, bitch. 1.00

02:45:39.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:45:39.000 We all laughed. 1.00

02:45:40.000 My mom was a great old cow. 1.00

02:45:42.000 Yeah.

02:45:42.000 You know, like you could mock...

02:45:43.000 White people never got offended by that. 0.97

02:45:45.000 No, never.

02:45:46.000 Never.

02:45:47.000 It's like going, ah, very cute.

02:45:50.000 But there's a lot of jokes.

02:45:51.000 You're not even allowed to joke about certain people on stage at all.

02:45:57.000 Any joke about them is racist.

02:45:59.000 This is racist.

02:46:01.000 Or it's homophobic.

02:46:02.000 Or it's whatever.

02:46:03.000 Fill in the blank. 0.96

02:46:04.000 And that's ridiculous. 0.98

02:46:06.000 That's ridiculous. 1.00

02:46:07.000 Who did the joke about Rosa Parks and they got a lot of shit about it? 0.99

02:46:10.000 Someone did a joke about Roosevelt. 0.99

02:46:11.000 Yeah, something like she was just too lazy to move to the back of the bus or something like that, and it was like it fucking blew up. 0.98

02:46:20.000 It was a black comic. 0.95

02:46:22.000 I don't know if it was Cat Williams.

02:46:23.000 No, it wasn't Cat Williams.

02:46:26.000 What do you think about Leslie Jones?

02:46:29.000 What's Leslie Jones? 1.00

02:46:30.000 She's doing fucking great. 0.98

02:46:31.000 She's going to be in the new Ghostbusters movie. 0.99

02:46:34.000 Who's Leslie Jones? 0.95

02:46:35.000 You know her from the comedy.

02:46:36.000 Oh, you know what?

02:46:37.000 She probably left the comedy store before you came back. 1.00

02:46:39.000 She's a black chick. 1.00

02:46:40.000 She's tall.

02:46:41.000 She opened for Cat Williams for years. 0.99

02:46:44.000 She's a killer. 1.00

02:46:46.000 Okay, I don't know her. 1.00

02:46:48.000 I think I've seen her on TV once.

02:46:50.000 She's a... 0.94

02:46:52.000 Big, funny, great chick. 1.00

02:46:55.000 And she's struggled for fucking 15, 20 years doing stand-up. 1.00

02:47:00.000 I don't know, 15 years maybe. 0.99

02:47:01.000 Good for her.

02:47:02.000 And then she got on SNL and she's just blowing up on SNL. And then she's just got Ghostbusters. 0.99

02:47:08.000 Wow.

02:47:09.000 Ghostbusters with all chicks. 1.00

02:47:11.000 Is that what it is?

02:47:12.000 Yes.

02:47:12.000 Oh.

02:47:13.000 All chick cast. 0.83

02:47:14.000 Okay.

02:47:14.000 Good luck with that.

02:47:16.000 Yeah.

02:47:16.000 That's going to be a...

02:47:19.000 Different angle on that.

02:47:20.000 The new remakes of movies are just...

02:47:22.000 It's hard to get behind these remakes of movies.

02:47:25.000 It's like, you know, we're going to flip the switch.

02:47:27.000 We're going to do Cagney and Lacey with gay men. 0.99

02:47:30.000 You know, we're going to do... 0.50

02:47:30.000 Yeah. 0.50

02:47:32.000 You know, not Cagney and Lacey. 0.99

02:47:34.000 What was the one where they went off the fucking... 0.99

02:47:36.000 Thelma and Louise. 0.99

02:47:37.000 They read the Thelma and Louise? 0.98

02:47:38.000 With gay men. 0.95

02:47:39.000 No! 0.97

02:47:40.000 No.

02:47:41.000 No.

02:47:44.000 Can you imagine?

02:47:45.000 I was in. 0.86

02:47:45.000 Two gay guys holding hands, driving off the cliff. 0.86

02:47:49.000 And they're driving across the country just blowing guys in rest areas. 1.00

02:47:52.000 Yeah, just blowing guys and shooting women. 1.00

02:47:57.000 Women that don't want to be gay, they get gunned down, and then they're running from the law. 1.00

02:48:01.000 No, let her run first! 1.00

02:48:02.000 Because wasn't Thelma and Louise, like, some guy did something horrible to them?

02:48:06.000 Yeah, you know who played that guy?

02:48:08.000 It was Brad Pitt. 1.00

02:48:09.000 Oh, shit, that's right. 0.99

02:48:11.000 That's when he was a young, sexy dude. 1.00

02:48:13.000 Oh, goddammit, he was a good-looking man.

02:48:15.000 Beautiful man. 0.99

02:48:15.000 Oh, the tits on him? 0.99

02:48:17.000 Goddammit, he was perfect. 1.00

02:48:18.000 That was a great movie though.

02:48:20.000 That was like the first chick buddy movie where the chicks were gangster. 1.00

02:48:24.000 There's a few of those moments where the chicks were like super fucking badass in a believable way. 1.00

02:48:30.000 One of the best ones was Pulp Fiction. 0.98

02:48:34.000 Pulp Fiction and Kill Bill was just as badass.

02:48:37.000 Or how about this?

02:48:38.000 Maybe even better.

02:48:39.000 Not Pulp Fiction.

02:48:41.000 What was the one with Christian Slater?

02:48:44.000 True Romance.

02:48:46.000 Dude.

02:48:47.000 Yeah, she was great.

02:48:48.000 Come on, man.

02:48:49.000 What's her name?

02:48:49.000 Patricia Arquette?

02:48:51.000 Is it Patricia Arquette or the other one?

02:48:53.000 Well, there was two movies that were similar.

02:48:55.000 There was Patti Arquette did one, and then what's her name? 0.94

02:48:59.000 How many Arquettes are there?

02:49:00.000 There's a David Arquette, Patricia Arquette.

02:49:03.000 Patricia Arquette.

02:49:04.000 She was the one in True Remains? 0.91

02:49:06.000 Yeah, was it Gandolfini and her have that fucking crazy fight scene, or was it John Madsen? 0.84

02:49:12.000 Who was it? 0.97

02:49:14.000 Who else is in it?

02:49:15.000 Is Gandolfini in it?

02:49:18.000 That's all it says for the cast?

02:49:21.000 But who, no, there was somebody that got in that, it was Gandolfini. 0.99

02:49:26.000 Yeah, Gandolfini beats the shit out of her and she eventually kills him at the end. 0.81

02:49:29.000 And it was just so wild, because it was like believable. 1.00

02:49:33.000 She was talking shit while he was beating the fuck out of her and then she eventually kills him. 1.00

02:49:36.000 And it's just so wild and primal when she does and she's all fucked up and beaten up. 1.00

02:49:41.000 Like, you really felt like she had been in a fight and just killed this fucking guy. 0.99

02:49:46.000 It wasn't like a Charlie's Angels type thing. 0.99

02:49:49.000 It was so real.

02:49:50.000 Yeah.

02:49:51.000 It was so real.

02:49:52.000 What was the one with Juliette Lewis?

02:49:54.000 Natural Born Killers.

02:49:55.000 Natural Born Killers.

02:49:56.000 That was pretty badass.

02:49:57.000 Oh, Natural Born Killers was amazing.

02:49:58.000 Yeah.

02:49:58.000 I want to get her in here, man.

02:50:00.000 She said she would do it, too.

02:50:02.000 She said she would do the podcast.

02:50:03.000 She's a comedy fan, right?

02:50:04.000 Yeah.

02:50:04.000 She hangs out with a lot of comics.

02:50:06.000 She's a fascinating person.

02:50:07.000 Is she?

02:50:07.000 She believes that Tom Cruise is a victim of propaganda.

02:50:11.000 When it comes to anti-Scientology propaganda, I would love to hear someone who's a happy Scientologist.

02:50:16.000 Oh, she's a Scientologist?

02:50:17.000 Yeah, hardcore.

02:50:18.000 Wow.

02:50:20.000 Unless she doesn't want to talk about that.

02:50:21.000 Have you had a Scientologist on before?

02:50:23.000 No.

02:50:24.000 No.

02:50:25.000 I was curious how much they want to talk about it. 0.96

02:50:27.000 I used to have a neighbor who couldn't shut the fuck up about it. 0.96

02:50:29.000 Right. 0.98

02:50:30.000 He loved it.

02:50:31.000 He was telling me about how his wife was going clear.

02:50:34.000 Yeah.

02:50:34.000 She was spending 50 grand to turn clear.

02:50:37.000 Hmm.

02:50:37.000 50 grand.

02:50:38.000 You know what happens when you're clear?

02:50:39.000 What?

02:50:40.000 You're no longer negatively affected by outside influence, Gregory.

02:50:42.000 That's amazing.

02:50:43.000 It's incredible.

02:50:44.000 Fixes everything.

02:50:44.000 50 grand?

02:50:45.000 Just pay up.

02:50:46.000 Probably going to be some outside influences because you're going to be broke.

02:50:50.000 This guy wanted to buy a piece of property.

02:50:52.000 He couldn't buy it because his wife was going clear.

02:50:55.000 I'm not kidding.

02:50:56.000 He was talking about this piece of property. 0.99

02:50:58.000 Are you shitting me? 0.94

02:50:58.000 Yeah, he wanted to, you know, it was like adjacent to his property. 0.94

02:51:02.000 He was thinking about buying it, but he couldn't afford it.

02:51:03.000 Did he try to get you to a meeting?

02:51:05.000 Uh, no.

02:51:06.000 Never tried.

02:51:07.000 Nope.

02:51:08.000 Nope.

02:51:08.000 Explain it to me.

02:51:09.000 Tell me how much it benefited him, but it wasn't proselytizing.

02:51:13.000 Thank goodness.

02:51:14.000 Wow.

02:51:14.000 That would have been ugly.

02:51:15.000 That would be awkward as shit. 0.99

02:51:17.000 Ding dong. 0.99

02:51:17.000 Mr. Hogan. 0.99

02:51:18.000 No, you're in there.

02:51:19.000 It's me.

02:51:20.000 Happiness.

02:51:21.000 Your happiness awaits.

02:51:23.000 It's clarity.

02:51:24.000 It's at the door.

02:51:24.000 It's your choice.

02:51:25.000 Go with clarity or with none.

02:51:27.000 The coast is clear, Joe.

02:51:30.000 Don't they like to use acronyms?

02:51:32.000 They use abbreviations or whatever it is for all these different types of people.

02:51:36.000 Suppressive people. 0.97

02:51:37.000 They have all these different things that they call upon when they define various aspects of negative people that you encounter in your life that disbelieve the tenets of Scientology.

02:51:46.000 Yeah, there's like orgs, orbs, something.

02:51:50.000 I read a book about, written by the niece of the guy who is the head of Scientology.

02:51:55.000 She broke out.

02:51:56.000 She talked about being a child slave. 0.91

02:51:58.000 Like, they literally separated her.

02:52:00.000 Meanwhile, her uncle is the head of Scientology, so she had juice.

02:52:04.000 Still took her away from her parents and...

02:52:07.000 And send her to an all-child colony where she was raised and then brought to Hollywood to live. 1.00

02:52:14.000 They kept moving her around. 0.99

02:52:15.000 Every time she gets settled in, they just uproot her, separate her from her brother, send her to fucking Florida, send her to L.A., the Desert. 1.00

02:52:24.000 And she talked about how the kids built the entire colony that they lived in. 0.99

02:52:29.000 They would just put them out to work every day. 0.99

02:52:32.000 They'd work like eight hours just weeding and gardening and building fences and all this crazy shit. 0.94

02:52:38.000 And they would get schooled for like two hours a day and it was mostly Scientology schooling.

02:52:43.000 What's the name of the book?

02:52:45.000 Raised by...

02:52:48.000 Do you remember the woman? 1.00

02:52:51.000 I got the worst fucking memory. 1.00

02:52:53.000 I can look it up. 0.99

02:52:54.000 Jamie will find it.

02:52:55.000 He'll find it.

02:52:56.000 I gotta read that.

02:52:58.000 And it just tracks how, you know, then she...

02:53:00.000 They don't want you to procreate because babies are a burden on the church. 0.64

02:53:05.000 They want you to work.

02:53:05.000 They want to create worker bees.

02:53:08.000 And they discourage the, you know...

02:53:10.000 How much does someone like Tom Cruise have to pay?

02:53:13.000 They pay 10%?

02:53:14.000 Is that the deal?

02:53:14.000 I think it's tithing.

02:53:15.000 Yeah, it's probably like a 10% tithe.

02:53:18.000 That's strong.

02:53:19.000 They got some videotapes if you don't want to pay.

02:53:22.000 Or, you know, they make it worth your while to pay.

02:53:25.000 They benefit you.

02:53:26.000 They throw rose petals wherever that guy walks.

02:53:29.000 And they're a publicity firm.

02:53:32.000 Whatever you want changed about your...

02:53:36.000 Is this the book, Beyond Belief?

02:53:38.000 Yeah, that's it.

02:53:38.000 My Secret Life Inside Scientology, My Harrowing Escape by Jenna Miscavige.

02:53:43.000 Yes, Miscavige.

02:53:44.000 And Miscavige is the name of the guy who's the head of Scientology.

02:53:47.000 Wow.

02:53:48.000 That's crazy. 1.00

02:53:48.000 I mean, it's really crazy that she wrote it because when she left the church, she was threatened by—I mean, this is her fucking family. 1.00

02:53:48.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:53:57.000 And they would come down and, like, threaten her, threaten her brother who was still inside the church, threaten her mother— They don't fuck around. 1.00

02:54:06.000 Fuck, man. 1.00

02:54:09.000 Yeah, you could have been born there. 1.00

02:54:11.000 You know, I could have been born there.

02:54:12.000 That's the luck of the draw.

02:54:13.000 Hey, I was born Catholic.

02:54:14.000 It's not...

02:54:15.000 As was I. Could have been better.

02:54:18.000 Did you do Catholic school?

02:54:19.000 Oh, yeah.

02:54:19.000 No, no.

02:54:20.000 I did Catholic school on Wednesdays and then church on Sundays.

02:54:24.000 I did one whole year Catholic school.

02:54:26.000 What grade?

02:54:27.000 First.

02:54:27.000 Oh, that's not too bad.

02:54:29.000 Did they smack you around a little bit?

02:54:29.000 It was enough.

02:54:30.000 Scared me.

02:54:30.000 No.

02:54:31.000 They maybe hit me very gently.

02:54:31.000 Yeah.

02:54:33.000 Nothing serious. 0.97

02:54:34.000 Nobody beat me up, but scared the fucking shit out of me and just sorrow. 0.98

02:54:39.000 Just the walls were soaked with sorrow. 0.98

02:54:41.000 Yeah.

02:54:41.000 It was an awful, awful place.

02:54:43.000 Who's the bloody guy hanging on the wall? 0.97

02:54:46.000 That's the guy that you're supposed to be more like.

02:54:48.000 Oh, I should end up like him if you're good.

02:54:51.000 Mm-hmm.

02:54:53.000 If you're lucky.

02:54:54.000 We're out of time, Greg Fitzsimmons.

02:54:56.000 Did you read off all your dates?

02:54:57.000 I did.

02:54:58.000 We're coming up in Denver, Addison, wherever.

02:55:01.000 What's the website again?

02:55:02.000 Go to Fitzdog.com and then the podcast Fitzdog Radio.

02:55:05.000 It's twice a week.

02:55:06.000 Tonight, Greg Fitzsimmons is also going to be at the Ice House in Pasadena.

02:55:10.000 Probably sold out.

02:55:11.000 It was very close earlier this morning, so most likely. 0.99

02:55:14.000 It's going to be fun as shit. 0.98

02:55:15.000 You, me, Duncan, and Tony Hinchcliffe. 0.99

02:55:18.000 No, and Ian Edwards.

02:55:20.000 Jesus Christ.

02:55:20.000 Nice.

02:55:20.000 That's a hell of a show.

02:55:21.000 Yeah.

02:55:22.000 Tony Hinchcliffe, Duncan, Ian, and Greg. 1.00

02:55:25.000 Goddamn, son. 0.99

02:55:26.000 And me. 1.00

02:55:27.000 So we'll see you dirty fucks tonight. 1.00

02:55:30.000 GregFitzDog.com. 1.00

02:55:31.000 What is it?

02:55:32.000 FitzDog.com.

02:55:33.000 FitzDog.com.

02:55:34.000 GregFitzShow on Twitter.

02:55:36.000 And that's it, ladies and gentlemen.

02:55:38.000 We'll see you next week.

02:55:39.000 Until then, enjoy.

02:55:41.000 Big kiss.

02:55:41.000 Be nice to each other.

02:55:42.000 Bye.

02:55:55.000 Thank you.

The Joe Rogan Experience - February 19, 2015

Joe Rogan Experience #615 - Greg Fitzsimmons

Episode Stats

Summary

Transcript