The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #632 - Les Stroud

00:00:02.000 We're live?

00:00:03.000 Jesus Christ, man, I'm tweeting.

00:00:06.000 Ustream.tv forward slash J-O-E-R-O-G-A-N. Boom.

00:00:14.000 Tweet. 0.99

00:00:14.000 Fresh from making Bigfoot his bitch. 0.99

00:00:18.000 Ladies and gentlemen, Les Stroud. 0.99

00:00:20.000 What's up, buddy?

00:00:21.000 Hey, Joseph.

00:00:22.000 Fun seeing you tonight, man.

00:00:23.000 What the hell are you doing, man?

00:00:25.000 I know, I'm like, you just got off stage at the Comedy Store, which I couldn't believe you were there and I was here. 0.59

00:00:31.000 Perfect.

00:00:32.000 So I was like, yeah, David Spade, Amy Shuler, it's like stellar life.

00:00:36.000 And then you totally brought your engineers.

00:00:39.000 I was like, what, were these guys sleeping?

00:00:40.000 No, Brian was at the store too.

00:00:43.000 Brian was at the store.

00:00:44.000 And Jamie, I told him today that you were going to come by.

00:00:46.000 I alerted him this afternoon that we had worked out accommodations.

00:00:50.000 And here we are.

00:00:52.000 You got energy, man.

00:00:53.000 Dude!

00:00:54.000 Well, you're flying tomorrow morning too, right?

00:00:56.000 I do what I like to do.

00:00:58.000 If you do what you like to do, you got energy.

00:01:00.000 I know. 0.57

00:01:01.000 And both my cameraman and my field producer, they're completely my bitches now because they're not here. 1.00

00:01:05.000 And they're like the biggest fan of you. 0.89

00:01:07.000 And I'm like, so you're going, what, to bed?

00:01:10.000 And they're going to bed now.

00:01:11.000 They're going to bed at the Sheridan. 1.00

00:01:12.000 It's like, okay, well, you're pussies. 1.00

00:01:14.000 I'm going to go hang with y'all. 1.00

00:01:15.000 Sleep is for the weak sometimes.

00:01:17.000 Sometimes it's good.

00:01:18.000 It's a good idea to get sleep.

00:01:19.000 It's a renewable resource.

00:01:21.000 That's what you gotta recognize. 0.87

00:01:22.000 And if you have an opportunity to do some shit that you probably couldn't do except if you stayed awake, you gotta stay awake! 0.96

00:01:28.000 If you don't stay awake, you're not willing to suffer! 0.99

00:01:31.000 You can't suffer a little...

00:01:32.000 If you can't pull an all-nighter, you don't get all-nighter memories.

00:01:35.000 That's right.

00:01:36.000 That's right.

00:01:36.000 I got some all-nighter memories from when I was in high school, man.

00:01:40.000 Sleeping, man, when you...

00:01:42.000 No.

00:01:42.000 You don't get memories from sleeping!

00:01:44.000 I know, I'm getting freaking older, and I'm still like, okay, I want to sleep less.

00:01:47.000 Actually, you do sleep less when you get older. 0.98

00:01:49.000 The testosterone's not flowing as much, and you can't do that, like, sleep until noon shit anymore? 0.97

00:01:53.000 You can't do that as you get older. 0.94

00:01:55.000 Which, in the end, is a cool thing, because you can hang out longer, you're just older.

00:02:01.000 You can, but you can also get up at 8 o'clock in the morning, jerk off, and go right back to sleep.

00:02:05.000 That works, too.

00:02:06.000 That does work.

00:02:06.000 You can sleep.

00:02:07.000 You just gotta, you gotta fucking, make sure you schedule it. 0.99

00:02:12.000 It's just moderation. 0.99

00:02:14.000 As long as you wake up hard, then you know you're still alive.

00:02:16.000 Not necessarily.

00:02:17.000 It might mean you just have to pee.

00:02:19.000 Pee-boners are the best, though. 0.99

00:02:20.000 That's the best fuck-boner. 1.00

00:02:22.000 They're useless. 1.00

00:02:23.000 They barely feel them. 1.00

00:02:25.000 Whose dick is this? 0.99

00:02:26.000 Yeah, you can't really use them, actually, either, can you? 0.99

00:02:27.000 You can, but you can't use them the same way.

00:02:28.000 No, it's not the same, though. 0.83

00:02:30.000 The cum doesn't want to come through the piece.

00:02:31.000 It usually lasts longer. 0.96

00:02:33.000 Yes, exactly.

00:02:34.000 It's a very eloquent way of expressing it.

00:02:36.000 It's a technique. 0.99

00:02:38.000 Fuck, we started at the bottom on this interview. 1.00

00:02:40.000 We're drinking. 1.00

00:02:41.000 We just got back from the comedy store.

00:02:43.000 It's 1 o'clock.

00:02:44.000 It's almost 1, 1230 in the morning.

00:02:46.000 It's late.

00:02:47.000 Last time I was with you, it was like 10 a.m., but it was all dark inside, and we had a beer.

00:02:54.000 Was it only 10 a.m.?

00:02:55.000 It was like 10 a.m.

00:02:55.000 in the morning.

00:02:57.000 But this is way more realistic.

00:02:59.000 This is better.

00:02:59.000 Yeah.

00:03:00.000 Well, I like doing them different times.

00:03:02.000 I think it's good to do them during the day sometimes, but it's also good to do it at night sometimes.

00:03:05.000 Especially like, we've never done it live, like leaving the comedy store and coming here.

00:03:10.000 But it's a move to do.

00:03:12.000 I mean, why not?

00:03:12.000 It's a first.

00:03:13.000 We own this joint.

00:03:14.000 We can just come in any time we want.

00:03:16.000 Why not?

00:03:16.000 It's like cutting an album, man.

00:03:18.000 Fuck yeah! 1.00

00:03:19.000 Neil Young used to only do everything after midnight. 1.00

00:03:21.000 Of course he did!

00:03:22.000 He probably did it naked, too.

00:03:24.000 You know, back then before TMZ, probably everybody was on acid, just record it. 0.99

00:03:29.000 Stuff that sucks, throw it away. 0.97

00:03:31.000 I just don't want to picture Neil Young naked at this moment. 1.00

00:03:33.000 Why not?

00:03:34.000 Just open up!

00:03:36.000 They usually have strippers, though, at these recording studios late at night.

00:03:39.000 Yeah, it's not just all dudes and Guinness.

00:03:41.000 So where are they now?

00:03:42.000 You don't want to. 0.99

00:03:44.000 Fuck up the dynamic. 0.98

00:03:46.000 Good set tonight. 0.94

00:03:48.000 Thanks, man.

00:03:48.000 That was awesome.

00:03:49.000 I was telling Joe, I was texting him at one point, because I was listening on Comedy Central, because I'm just addicted to stand-up comedy.

00:03:56.000 So tonight, for me, was awesomeness.

00:03:58.000 We're just going and seeing all those great comedians.

00:04:00.000 And I texted him, and I realized, you know how some comedians have a shtick, right?

00:04:05.000 The most obvious was Jeff Foxworthy with his redneck stuff and all that. 1.00

00:04:10.000 And with Joe, you were nailing into this stuff, and I was listening and I thought...

00:04:16.000 He's got a riff thing that he does there on analogies.

00:04:20.000 And I started calling it the rogue analogy. 0.99

00:04:22.000 Because it's like, well, you know when you get up in the morning and it's like an elephant giving you a blowjob through a straw. 0.99

00:04:30.000 And you're sitting there going, actually, that is kind of like an elephant giving you a blowjob through a straw. 0.99

00:04:33.000 I did not have a joke about an elephant and a blowjob in straw. 0.99

00:04:36.000 This is bad paraphrasing, ladies and gentlemen, from a drunk man. 0.99

00:04:39.000 How dare you?

00:04:41.000 How dare you?

00:04:41.000 But you got the analogy down.

00:04:44.000 You do that. 0.99

00:04:45.000 I'm not doing like the Joan Rivers post-Smoke Up Your Ass thing. 1.00

00:04:48.000 It's like, shit, you got that down. 1.00

00:04:51.000 Because I'm a stand-up comedian, I love it because I suck at it. 1.00

00:04:55.000 I could never do it. 0.93

00:04:56.000 It scares the crap out of me.

00:04:57.000 I couldn't tell the joke to save myself. 1.00

00:04:58.000 But listening to you do that and listening to you go into those analogies, it's like I'm going, oh shit, man. 0.99

00:05:03.000 That's right. 0.99

00:05:03.000 That is like that. 0.99

00:05:04.000 And it is like an elephant.

00:05:08.000 I think pretty much anybody who's ever made anybody laugh can do stand-up.

00:05:12.000 It's just a matter of, do you want to do it? 0.98

00:05:13.000 If you wanted to do it, it would take a long fucking time.

00:05:16.000 But we all know guys who sucked at it in the beginning, but they were just such fans of comedy, they just kept chipping away until eventually they figured it out. 0.96

00:05:23.000 And now they're like legit stand-ups.

00:05:25.000 It just happens.

00:05:26.000 It happens.

00:05:27.000 I figure your 15 minutes out there, I just did 90 minute sets in LA and Vegas with my music, with my concert, right? 0.98

00:05:33.000 And I did these concerts and it was great, we kicked ass.

00:05:36.000 I figure my 90 minutes is barely as tough as your 15 minutes in stand-up comedy. 0.88

00:05:41.000 It's just different, man.

00:05:42.000 If you put the kind of time that you've put to searching for Bigfoot and writing music into stand-up comedy, you'd be really good at it.

00:05:51.000 Yeah, but I'm not going to try it.

00:05:52.000 I'm not going to cut it. 0.99

00:05:53.000 Dude, how many more Bigfoot shows are you going to do before you catch this motherfucker? 1.00

00:05:57.000 I need to know. 0.99

00:05:58.000 Who says I don't already have them, man?

00:05:59.000 Because you already told me.

00:06:01.000 You already told me.

00:06:02.000 Come on, man.

00:06:04.000 It's a bizarre thing to be part of all of that.

00:06:11.000 And what's going on.

00:06:12.000 And how I ended up in this position. 1.00

00:06:14.000 It's because there's so much bullshit in the field. 0.99

00:06:16.000 Like, there's the nonsense that gets put out with, you know, you've got a show where you're trying to find Bigfoot. 1.00

00:06:22.000 And you've got to crank out 13 episodes, so you need to invent these crazy stories and silly stories and stupid stories. 0.98

00:06:28.000 And nothing much is going on. 0.99

00:06:30.000 Nothing much.

00:06:31.000 Nothing.

00:06:32.000 Nothing.

00:06:33.000 And I come along and I'm like, okay, you know what?

00:06:36.000 I'll just talk to these dudes who are into Bigfoot.

00:06:41.000 And you say he's there, you got him in a field, you're doing it.

00:06:43.000 Okay, take me there.

00:06:44.000 And I'll tell you what, leave me there in the field overnight.

00:06:46.000 Let's just see what the hell happens.

00:06:48.000 And so I approach it.

00:06:50.000 I did six shows this year.

00:06:51.000 First one premiered last night.

00:06:53.000 We were talking about this before the show aired, but I bear repeating, you might have invented the selfie.

00:06:58.000 Yeah, I know.

00:06:59.000 I know.

00:06:59.000 You might have.

00:07:01.000 I was on the vanguard of...

00:07:02.000 It's very borderline because you did a lot of shows where it was just you alone in the woods with a camera pointed at yourself and you had the lens, you know, like if you look at those little video cameras that Les used, you know, they have that viewer that you could look at you or you could turn the camera towards you and flip the viewer around and you could see what you're filming when you're filming yourself,

00:07:25.000 which is like a selfie.

00:07:27.000 It was a video selfie.

00:07:28.000 Nobody was doing it.

00:07:29.000 You were the first guy.

00:07:29.000 You were the first selfie guy.

00:07:31.000 The thing I did, what nobody else was doing was I put it on television.

00:07:34.000 International broadcast TV. That's the whole thing.

00:07:37.000 It's one thing to do it. 0.82

00:07:38.000 It's another thing to base a whole freaking show on it. 0.92

00:07:41.000 Way worse. 1.00

00:07:41.000 You did it by yourself in the fucking woods. 1.00

00:07:45.000 You did it in Africa. 1.00

00:07:47.000 You did it in the jungle.

00:07:49.000 You did it in the swamps.

00:07:50.000 You did it in the desert.

00:07:52.000 Just you. 1.00

00:07:53.000 Not like that fucking English guy sleeping in hotels. 1.00

00:07:58.000 We don't even say his name on this show. 1.00

00:07:59.000 That English fuck sleeping, pretending to fall down ice slides. 1.00

00:08:04.000 Johnny Appleseed. 1.00

00:08:05.000 That guy. 1.00

00:08:05.000 That Johnny Appleseed fuck. 1.00

00:08:07.000 Oh man, I could go so far on that story. 1.00

00:08:09.000 Don't even bother! 0.99

00:08:11.000 You're right. 1.00

00:08:11.000 Because it gives credibility to shit. 1.00

00:08:13.000 I heard that that guy only exists because you weren't willing to fake shit. 1.00

00:08:17.000 That's right. 1.00

00:08:18.000 You weren't willing to fake shit. 1.00

00:08:20.000 The producers wanted to fake shit. 1.00

00:08:21.000 And they said, okay, we'll get Johnny Appleseed to fake some shit. 1.00

00:08:24.000 With an English accent. 0.99

00:08:25.000 Here I am swinging from vine to vine.

00:08:28.000 Looking for snakes.

00:08:30.000 I will eat them. 1.00

00:08:31.000 Bitch, you ain't eating any snakes. 1.00

00:08:32.000 You're gonna eat filet mignon at the Four Seasons, you fuck. 1.00

00:08:35.000 There's a van waiting to pick you up. 1.00

00:08:37.000 It's air-conditioned.

00:08:38.000 You got off all over you.

00:08:40.000 You're sleeping in fine linen. 1.00

00:08:41.000 Fine linen, you fuck. 1.00

00:08:43.000 He was very pretty, though. 1.00

00:08:44.000 He was very pretty.

00:08:45.000 He's still very pretty.

00:08:46.000 You're beautiful, too, man.

00:08:47.000 You got character.

00:08:47.000 You got a different kind of pretty going on.

00:08:49.000 Yeah, it was messed up.

00:08:52.000 I got asked over a long time, and like I said, I never put it down on the networks.

00:08:57.000 I'm still good with the networks, and networks are great. 1.00

00:08:59.000 Networks can suck my dick. 1.00

00:09:01.000 How about that? 1.00

00:09:02.000 All of them.

00:09:02.000 It comes down to one person.

00:09:04.000 It's always one person, though, right? 0.99

00:09:06.000 It's one ass that's just like, oh, now we need you to crank out a bunch of these. 1.00

00:09:10.000 I actually got asked, I actually got one producer asked, and they said, no one will ever know. 0.99

00:09:16.000 And I went, yeah, they will.

00:09:18.000 Yeah, they will.

00:09:19.000 And I'll know.

00:09:20.000 And that's...

00:09:21.000 I said, no, no, no. 1.00

00:09:22.000 And along comes the bullshit after that. 1.00

00:09:24.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:09:25.000 Well, it's not their fault.

00:09:26.000 It's like, that's what they do.

00:09:27.000 On every other show, what they do is these artificial scenarios. 0.98

00:09:31.000 Even whether it's pawn wars, or fucking storage wars, or... 0.97

00:09:35.000 Oh, we gotta get this car finished by Friday, man! 0.99

00:09:38.000 No, you don't!

00:09:39.000 You don't!

00:09:40.000 You don't have to get this car... 1.00

00:09:42.000 You do whatever the fuck you want to do! 0.99

00:09:44.000 Well, I thought... 0.99

00:09:45.000 I remember the last podcast.

00:09:47.000 I remember you said you loved reality TV. And I said, I fucking hate reality TV. And I thought, that's something. 0.99

00:09:56.000 Did I say that?

00:09:57.000 You did, man.

00:09:58.000 I did, man.

00:09:58.000 That's totally you.

00:10:01.000 Are you too sure?

00:10:03.000 I didn't say that.

00:10:04.000 I love road rules.

00:10:05.000 He's mocking you.

00:10:07.000 He's mocking me because he knows me better than you.

00:10:09.000 I don't love reality shows.

00:10:11.000 Some shows are like Life Below Zero.

00:10:13.000 That's a dope show. 1.00

00:10:14.000 That's a legit show. 0.99

00:10:15.000 That show they don't fuck around with. 1.00

00:10:18.000 I was liking that Alaska, Last Frontier show, until I saw this fucking bear eating a filleted salmon. 1.00

00:10:25.000 I'm like, oh, you're baiting the bears, you assholes. 1.00

00:10:29.000 All that stuff's set up. 1.00

00:10:31.000 A lot of them.

00:10:32.000 Life Below Zero is not set up.

00:10:34.000 I know that for a fact.

00:10:35.000 I don't know the show.

00:10:36.000 I had this woman, Sue Akins, on the show who lives up there 200 miles above the Arctic Circle. 1.00

00:10:40.000 That bitch is gangster as fuck. 1.00

00:10:43.000 She lives up there by herself. 1.00

00:10:44.000 She got attacked by a bear. 1.00

00:10:46.000 She got fucked up and broke her hip, bit into her skull, fucked her up, broke her leg. 1.00

00:10:51.000 She went back and shot that bear and ate it. 1.00

00:10:54.000 That bitch doesn't give a fuck. 1.00

00:10:55.000 She's 51 years old. 1.00

00:10:57.000 She's a grandmother.

00:10:58.000 She smokes cigarettes every day.

00:11:00.000 She drinks whiskey and she lives by herself in a tent because you can't have permanent structures. 0.87

00:11:05.000 Like that lady's 100% legit. 1.00

00:11:07.000 Okay.

00:11:08.000 That was legit.

00:11:09.000 There's a few of those shows where those people live in such bizarre lives.

00:11:13.000 You don't have to set up some, oh, we need to get water.

00:11:15.000 We've got to figure out how to make this pump work again. 0.99

00:11:18.000 That's all stage shit. 0.98

00:11:19.000 They'll pretend something's broken, so they have to fix it, so they have some solution to some drama that comes up. 0.99

00:11:26.000 But if you live in a harsh enough environment, you don't have to invent the drama.

00:11:29.000 And that's what you did. 0.99

00:11:30.000 What you did, you were the first motherfucker who went out there, you really were starving. 1.00

00:11:35.000 You would see you on day one, and then you would see you five days later. 1.00

00:11:39.000 You looked like shit! 1.00

00:11:41.000 Like, you couldn't fake that. 1.00

00:11:43.000 You were dehydrated, you were shrinking, you would talk about it, you couldn't sleep, you had bugs crawling all over you, rats running across your fucking sleeping quarters. 1.00

00:11:51.000 Dude, you really did it. 0.99

00:11:53.000 And you did it by yourself. 1.00

00:11:56.000 It's so much different than what these fucking people are doing. 1.00

00:11:59.000 What these people are doing is, they're just baby-fucking us. 1.00

00:12:01.000 They're feeding us a spoonful of shit. 1.00

00:12:03.000 To me, they're making a mockery of something. 1.00

00:12:06.000 I mean...

00:12:06.000 Johnny Appleseed!

00:12:07.000 That fuck! 1.00

00:12:09.000 Before Survivorman, there was no survival genre. 1.00

00:12:12.000 There wasn't.

00:12:14.000 And now, the plethora of shows, I just watched one where there was, let's just say, dual people surviving.

00:12:23.000 Hey, what are you saying?

00:12:25.000 What are you saying?

00:12:26.000 That show, too?

00:12:28.000 It was hard to watch.

00:12:29.000 I like how that dude walks around barefoot.

00:12:29.000 I know one of those guys.

00:12:31.000 No, that guy's long gone.

00:12:32.000 He's gone.

00:12:33.000 Was he the real guy?

00:12:35.000 No, he wasn't legit either?

00:12:36.000 How about, if you're gonna go barefoot, okay, how about this? 1.00

00:12:40.000 No tools, you fuck. 1.00

00:12:41.000 You won't even wear shoes. 1.00

00:12:42.000 How dare you? 1.00

00:12:43.000 How dare you treat me like such fucking... 1.00

00:12:46.000 Ignorance. 1.00

00:12:46.000 You don't have shoes on? 1.00

00:12:48.000 Well, what if you don't have shoes? 1.00

00:12:49.000 What if you don't have matches, you fuck? 1.00

00:12:51.000 How about you don't have a cell phone or a GPS? What if the director's not going to say cut and you go back to your hotel room after this? 1.00

00:12:56.000 Yeah, oh, they did that too?

00:12:57.000 What if you're still out there?

00:12:58.000 Like the one I was watching the other night that led into my show.

00:13:01.000 There was a story like, what will they do next?

00:13:03.000 And they're crawling out of the snow shelter in the morning looking like they just had a shower and just pressed their clothing.

00:13:10.000 It's like, you know what, I've been there.

00:13:11.000 You don't look like that after a night in the frickin' snow. 0.94

00:13:15.000 You look like hell. 0.96

00:13:16.000 And they're all nice and clean, and the beard's trimmed, and everything's good. 0.95

00:13:19.000 It's like The Walking Dead. 0.99

00:13:21.000 That girl with the dark hair, she's hot as fuck, no matter what. 1.00

00:13:24.000 She never has zits. 1.00

00:13:26.000 I'd love to do a cameo on that show.

00:13:28.000 She has perfectly placed mud.

00:13:30.000 We have an in.

00:13:31.000 We know Josh McDermott.

00:13:32.000 He's the fake scientist.

00:13:33.000 He's a good friend.

00:13:34.000 I'm in.

00:13:35.000 I'm in.

00:13:35.000 Tell him.

00:13:36.000 I'm caught up now.

00:13:37.000 That show is so great.

00:13:39.000 Jesus Christ, that's good.

00:13:40.000 I do everything through, like, my son.

00:13:42.000 I just wait, and he'll just, like, pick a show, and it's like, and The Walking Dead is one of those shows, we got this big screen at home, and I sat down beside him for, like, a moment.

00:13:49.000 Oh, what are you watching? 0.97

00:13:50.000 And, like, three hours later of binge-watching Walking Dead, I'm like, oh, shit, this is awesome! 0.99

00:13:55.000 Binge-walking is some shit that just didn't exist in our time. 0.99

00:13:58.000 You never binge-watched a show. 0.99

00:14:00.000 You couldn't do it.

00:14:01.000 This is a new phenomenon. 0.99

00:14:03.000 People are getting bulging discs and shit in their back because they're sitting for 20 hours in a row. 0.99

00:14:08.000 People go to the hospital. 1.00

00:14:09.000 They have to fucking get massages. 1.00

00:14:12.000 People are jacked up, man. 1.00

00:14:13.000 Just from binge watching.

00:14:15.000 Well, God bless Science Channel.

00:14:16.000 They're putting Survivorman marathons on.

00:14:18.000 Well, there'll be like eight hours of Survivorman shows.

00:14:21.000 And I'll get postings from people that they watch...

00:14:24.000 All of them.

00:14:25.000 I'm just like, wow.

00:14:25.000 So how did you go from doing Survivorman to Survivorman Bigfoot?

00:14:30.000 Now, you told a story on our show that I've repeated ad nauseum because it's a fascinating story about your first experience with something that you couldn't explain.

00:14:37.000 You were in Alaska.

00:14:39.000 You flew in, very remote location, and you heard something that sounded like a primate.

00:14:43.000 Yeah.

00:14:44.000 Some bipedal primate.

00:14:45.000 Yeah.

00:14:46.000 You know what?

00:14:47.000 The bottom line was I thought, okay...

00:14:50.000 Who's the one person that you could take and drop in the middle of nowhere, in the middle of a Bigfoot hotspot, and leave them alone to see what happens?

00:14:59.000 Well...

00:14:59.000 It'd be you.

00:15:00.000 Survivor man.

00:15:01.000 Has to be you.

00:15:01.000 It's gotta be me.

00:15:02.000 It's not me. 1.00

00:15:03.000 So I said, fuck, let's do it. 1.00

00:15:04.000 I'm not doing it. 1.00

00:15:04.000 So I'll do it. 1.00

00:15:06.000 And then I'll go after the...

00:15:07.000 Because I know you hate one of the dudes that I went out with.

00:15:09.000 Todd Stanning.

00:15:10.000 I don't hate him.

00:15:11.000 I don't know him. 1.00

00:15:12.000 But I know bullshit when I see bullshit. 0.99

00:15:15.000 Well listen, for the folks at home, let me show an image. 0.99

00:15:19.000 Let's show an image, Jamie.

00:15:20.000 Pull up this image.

00:15:21.000 This is a close-up of a Bigfoot, and I'm doing air quotes, a Bigfoot.

00:15:29.000 You got this, Jamie? 1.00

00:15:30.000 Pull that shit up. 1.00

00:15:31.000 Show the people. 1.00

00:15:32.000 This is a close-up.

00:15:33.000 This dude just got a big foot to stand still.

00:15:36.000 He's the only guy in history.

00:15:37.000 Got a big foot.

00:15:38.000 And he's got two other shots like that.

00:15:40.000 So the question I ask you is, the cool part is...

00:15:46.000 Look how bad that looks.

00:15:47.000 Look how perfectly trimmed hair.

00:15:48.000 Now, why does it look totally different in that picture than the other picture?

00:15:51.000 I get it.

00:15:52.000 I see what you're doing.

00:15:53.000 What is that?

00:15:54.000 Okay, but let me ask you a question.

00:15:56.000 Just for a second, look at it.

00:15:57.000 Okay, now, what if... 1.00

00:15:58.000 Oh, gee, don't you what if me, you fuck. 1.00

00:16:01.000 What if we're full of shit and it's real? 1.00

00:16:03.000 No, we're not, and that's not... 1.00

00:16:05.000 You don't know that?

00:16:06.000 Yeah, we do.

00:16:06.000 You know why?

00:16:07.000 Because every animal that lives, every fucking animal that lives, looks like that animal. 1.00

00:16:12.000 No animals look like a person in a fucking animal costume. 1.00

00:16:16.000 When you see something that looks like a person in an animal costume, it's a person in an animal costume. 0.99

00:16:22.000 It's Occam's razor.

00:16:23.000 Or it's a Bigfoot.

00:16:24.000 Nope, it's 2015. That is some shitty fucking special effects. 1.00

00:16:29.000 That is a dude in a monkey suit, 100%. 1.00

00:16:32.000 100%.

00:16:32.000 Or CGI. Or CGI. First of all, what animal that's hairy ever has its hair matted down like that, like it's combed?

00:16:41.000 He's about to say the exact same thing, Joe. 1.00

00:16:43.000 Stupid ass fucking costume. 1.00

00:16:46.000 That thing's got aquanet on it. 1.00

00:16:48.000 Yeah.

00:16:48.000 Its hair is sprayed in place.

00:16:50.000 Pugs are sticking to it.

00:16:50.000 He's working at a fast food joint.

00:16:52.000 Dude, that looks so stupid. 1.00

00:16:54.000 The idea that that could possibly be Bigfoot, that's 100% a human being. 1.00

00:16:59.000 You know why?

00:17:00.000 Because it has human being dimensions to its face.

00:17:02.000 You look at a gorilla, you look at a chimp, you look at an orangutan, they have a different facial structure.

00:17:09.000 100% different.

00:17:10.000 That's a human facial structure.

00:17:13.000 Absolutely.

00:17:13.000 The ratio between the nose and the eyes and the lips and the mouth, that's 100% a human being.

00:17:19.000 That's a shitty ass fucking mask. 1.00

00:17:22.000 Dr. Joseph Logan. 1.00

00:17:23.000 I am a scientist.

00:17:25.000 Okay, let me do this for you.

00:17:27.000 Okay, so let's call it the scale of believability.

00:17:34.000 Okay.

00:17:36.000 That's a zero.

00:17:37.000 Alright, so at this point, let's forget anybody who thinks they don't exist at all.

00:17:42.000 Let's just jump over.

00:17:43.000 Jamie, is that a zero?

00:17:44.000 What is that?

00:17:44.000 Is that a zero?

00:17:46.000 It's a zero.

00:17:46.000 You were hesitant.

00:17:48.000 You don't want to say it's a zero.

00:17:50.000 You're just like Joe's looking at me.

00:17:51.000 He wants to say it's 100% Bigfoot.

00:17:53.000 I don't want to get fired, man.

00:17:55.000 Yeah, Joe, that's a zero job.

00:17:57.000 If he said it's 100% Bigfoot, I'd give him a raise.

00:18:02.000 Come on, Jimmy.

00:18:03.000 Come on, you know that's not Bigfoot.

00:18:05.000 You, Les Stroud.

00:18:06.000 But what if?

00:18:06.000 Les Stroud, you know that's not Bigfoot.

00:18:08.000 Okay, let me go back to what I was saying.

00:18:09.000 Come on, be honest.

00:18:11.000 If you had to bet your beautiful son over there, if you had to bet his life as to whether or not that's Bigfoot or not.

00:18:17.000 It's not Bigfoot. 1.00

00:18:19.000 It's a goddamn monkey suit. 1.00

00:18:20.000 That's not tough at all. 1.00

00:18:21.000 That's a tough one.

00:18:22.000 That's not even a little tough.

00:18:22.000 He does not love you.

00:18:23.000 Why is Bigfoot standing still staring at a fucking camera? 1.00

00:18:26.000 Isn't the whole Bigfoot lore? 1.00

00:18:27.000 Because I saw the shit leading up to this. 0.97

00:18:29.000 I saw the other footage. 1.00

00:18:30.000 Oh, the shit's leading up to this. 0.99

00:18:32.000 Oh, you saw the footage leading up to this. 1.00

00:18:34.000 I did.

00:18:34.000 The footage.

00:18:35.000 Yeah.

00:18:35.000 Right, but you weren't there.

00:18:36.000 No. 0.99

00:18:37.000 No, of course, this fucking guy you're hanging out with. 1.00

00:18:40.000 No, no, I'm not hanging out with him, believe me. 0.99

00:18:42.000 You got rid of him? 1.00

00:18:42.000 Let me hang out with so many of them now, and it's the whole shit. 1.00

00:18:46.000 That's what I want to get at. 0.99

00:18:47.000 Okay.

00:18:47.000 Okay, so let's just pretend.

00:18:49.000 Forget the people who don't think it exists at all.

00:18:52.000 Let's go to those who think that it does.

00:18:54.000 This is the biggest problem.

00:18:55.000 You get the scale of believability.

00:18:57.000 On the left side of the scale, you've got Gigantopithecus.

00:19:00.000 It's a big upright walking ape.

00:19:01.000 It's the missing link.

00:19:02.000 Well, how about you got Jane Goodall?

00:19:04.000 On the left side of the scale, you got Jane Goodall who believes it's real.

00:19:06.000 Right.

00:19:07.000 Okay.

00:19:07.000 Exactly.

00:19:08.000 As an ape.

00:19:08.000 As a species.

00:19:09.000 Yes.

00:19:10.000 Neanderthal, maybe slightly humanoid.

00:19:12.000 You keep coming towards the center of the scale.

00:19:13.000 It's like, oh, it's really stealthy.

00:19:15.000 It's got certain abilities.

00:19:16.000 And you keep coming close to the middle of the scale.

00:19:18.000 It's got tons of incredible intelligence and everything.

00:19:20.000 Okay, now you hit the middle of the scale.

00:19:22.000 Okay.

00:19:23.000 On the far right of the scale... 0.56

00:19:25.000 It's always the far right that fucks everything up.

00:19:26.000 I know, the far right. 0.50

00:19:27.000 It does!

00:19:28.000 Because you know what the far right of the scale is?

00:19:29.000 What?

00:19:30.000 Aliens.

00:19:31.000 That's an alien?

00:19:32.000 Aliens.

00:19:33.000 So then you go to... 0.96

00:19:34.000 And on the far right, it's like paranormal, cloakability, fifth dimensional, vibrational control, all sorts of shit like that. 0.64

00:19:41.000 They can control cameras. 0.55

00:19:42.000 Yeah, they can control electronics.

00:19:44.000 They can do infrasound and screw you up like a lion or a tiger.

00:19:46.000 The craziest part is the argument is not between those who don't think it's real and those who do.

00:19:52.000 It's within the scope of all the people who think it is real.

00:19:55.000 That argument is insane.

00:19:58.000 Like, the backstabbing and the fighting, it's like, no...

00:20:15.000 Like WWF. Yeah.

00:20:22.000 It's exactly like WWF. It is a lot.

00:20:25.000 It's E now.

00:20:27.000 WWF is like the 90s. 0.99

00:20:28.000 WWF stands for like, what the fuck? 1.00

00:20:31.000 What the fuck? 1.00

00:20:33.000 And what I did, I dove right into that scale. 1.00

00:20:36.000 And landed myself on the land, out in the bush with all these different people.

00:20:40.000 And you just tried to be as objective as possible.

00:20:42.000 Yeah, what I said is, don't make me your poster boy.

00:20:44.000 I don't want to be your poster boy for eight believers. 1.00

00:20:46.000 I don't want to be your poster boy for alien believers. 1.00

00:20:48.000 Just put me out there and show me what you got.

00:20:50.000 Let's back this up for people who don't know.

00:20:52.000 You're like, what?

00:20:53.000 Bigfoot?

00:20:55.000 Gigantopithecus? 0.99

00:20:55.000 What the fuck is Gigantopithecus? 0.99

00:20:56.000 Gigantopithecus is a real animal that absolutely did exist. 0.99

00:21:00.000 Right.

00:21:00.000 They only have a few bones, and they founded an apothecary shop in China in the early 1900s.

00:21:07.000 Some guy found some teeth that he knew were not any known primate.

00:21:12.000 And then he said, where'd you get these teeth?

00:21:14.000 The people that run the apothecary shop lead him to this area, they do a dig, they find some jaw bones that indicate that this animal is most likely a bipedal primate, although that's under some dispute.

00:21:27.000 So what this means is there was something that was somehow or another related to other primates.

00:21:32.000 They think it might have been in the orangutan family, but this is a bipedal enormous animal that absolutely existed at the very latest 100,000 years ago.

00:21:44.000 It could have been earlier, but they know 100,000 years ago that thing was alive. 0.91

00:21:49.000 So 100,000 years ago, there were 100% human beings at the time, there was a fucking 8 to 10 foot tall, gigantic bipedal ape, which is Bigfoot. 0.99

00:21:59.000 I mean, it's a real fucking animal. 0.97

00:22:02.000 I'll add one tidbit to that, is the fact that if it doesn't, if it's extinct, it's the only... 0.99

00:22:10.000 Primate from that era that is extinct.

00:22:12.000 All the rest are still alive.

00:22:14.000 That's not totally true, because that Flores man, that hobbit man in the island of Flores, that little thing is dead, and that thing lived closer to today. 0.97

00:22:25.000 They have bones from that little fucker that was like 13,000 years ago. 0.97

00:22:28.000 How do you know it's dead? 0.99

00:22:29.000 How do you know it's extinct?

00:22:30.000 That's true.

00:22:31.000 I mean, they all ran pendek.

00:22:32.000 And that's what everybody's saying is, how do you know they're extinct?

00:22:35.000 How do you know they're so intelligent, they're just hid in the vast forests of North America?

00:22:39.000 Well, that's a legit question.

00:22:40.000 Because if you go out to the forest, you know what you don't find?

00:22:44.000 Scientists. 0.98

00:22:45.000 You know, I'm fucking fucking finding scientists everywhere, surveying every inch of the land. 0.99

00:22:49.000 It is quite possible, like, you know, there's always these weird animals they find, like that vampire deer that lives in Vietnam. 1.00

00:22:56.000 Like, what the fuck is this? 0.99

00:22:58.000 They have some fang deer. 1.00

00:23:00.000 Like, they talked about it, like villagers would talk about it, and they're like, yeah, yeah, yeah, you found a fang deer.

00:23:05.000 Okay, good luck with that. 0.99

00:23:06.000 But they really did find this goddamn thing. 0.98

00:23:08.000 See if you pull that up, Jamie. 0.99

00:23:10.000 Fang deer, I think of Vietnam.

00:23:12.000 This is like a mythical animal.

00:23:14.000 There's a gigantic chimpanzee they found as well.

00:23:17.000 Oh yeah, the Bondo ape.

00:23:19.000 That's a real animal.

00:23:20.000 It's real.

00:23:20.000 They know now for sure.

00:23:22.000 It was mythological until they found it.

00:23:24.000 The giant squid, mythological until they found it.

00:23:27.000 Just stories.

00:23:28.000 And that's the whole thing that happens with cryptozoology.

00:23:30.000 It starts off with just a story.

00:23:32.000 It's a deer with fangs. 1.00

00:23:33.000 What the fuck is that thing? 1.00

00:23:35.000 Now if I'd said to you before they discovered it... 0.99

00:23:37.000 You know that there's a deer with facts.

00:23:38.000 It's a vampire deer.

00:23:40.000 Yeah.

00:23:40.000 And you said not a chance, man.

00:23:42.000 They didn't find one of them?

00:23:43.000 No, there's a...

00:23:44.000 Well, it's a very densely populated or densely wooded area, but they know there's a family of them living there.

00:23:50.000 It's not just one.

00:23:51.000 They've observed more than one of these weird deer.

00:23:54.000 Weird.

00:23:54.000 And the chimps, the Bondo chimps, they have photographs of them.

00:23:58.000 They have tissue samples.

00:23:59.000 They have hair.

00:24:00.000 They have photographs of dead ones.

00:24:02.000 They're huge.

00:24:03.000 Yeah, they know for sure that's a real animal.

00:24:05.000 And it's different.

00:24:06.000 It has a crest on its forehead.

00:24:07.000 They have skulls, a full, intact skull of a recently dead animal.

00:24:11.000 And there's a crest on its forehead like a gorilla, which chimps don't have.

00:24:15.000 So it's really confusing.

00:24:16.000 Which takes it out of cryptozoology and into...

00:24:20.000 Yeah, that's a real animal.

00:24:21.000 I mean, they have photos of it, they have videos of it, they have scientists that have gone down there and seen it.

00:24:26.000 Carl Armand, he's a Swiss wildlife photographer.

00:24:29.000 He started being obsessed with it, I believe, in 96. He started going down there to the Congo.

00:24:34.000 But it's in this really deep, deep, deep...

00:24:36.000 The Congo is giant.

00:24:38.000 It's like almost as wide as the entire United States.

00:24:41.000 And it's just dense jungle. 0.99

00:24:43.000 Like, good fucking luck finding what's in there. 0.99

00:24:46.000 And that's what you got... 0.99

00:24:48.000 With Bigfoot.

00:24:49.000 Yeah.

00:24:49.000 It's the same difference.

00:24:50.000 People aren't going.

00:24:52.000 And then those who are saying they see them or whatever, they're doctors, they're lawyers, they're conservation officers, they're hunters, they're anglers, they're hikers.

00:24:59.000 They're not all whack jobs.

00:25:01.000 Right.

00:25:02.000 They're not all whack jobs. 1.00

00:25:03.000 And you're the one guy, when everyone goes, oh, you know, it's all bullshit, I go, damn, I think Les knows some shit. 1.00

00:25:10.000 You know, when you say that you heard something that sounded like a gorilla and it's in the woods, it's possible. 1.00

00:25:16.000 Who the fuck sees a wolverine? 0.99

00:25:18.000 Okay? 1.00

00:25:19.000 Good luck finding a wolverine.

00:25:20.000 You could wander around the woods your whole life and never see a wolverine.

00:25:23.000 Never see a dead one.

00:25:25.000 But they're out there.

00:25:26.000 We know they're out there.

00:25:27.000 You take whatever that is and lessen its population by 90%.

00:25:32.000 Now you have 10% of that population.

00:25:34.000 And it's smart.

00:25:35.000 You gonna find that thing?

00:25:36.000 And it's elusive, exactly.

00:25:37.000 60,000 black bears in Ontario.

00:25:39.000 I've never seen a black bear skeleton.

00:25:41.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:25:42.000 Oh, where's the bones?

00:25:44.000 Well, 60,000 black bears.

00:25:46.000 Never see a black bear.

00:25:46.000 You don't see predator bones.

00:25:48.000 Yeah, bears eat their bear skeletons. 0.73

00:25:50.000 And so now if you've got, let's say there's 8,000 Sasquatch in Ontario, and they're secret, and they're elusive, and they're intelligent, they're smart, and they bury their bones.

00:26:00.000 You're just not going to...

00:26:01.000 I say eight.

00:26:02.000 It's not a difficult...

00:26:03.000 I don't say 8,000.

00:26:04.000 If there's any of them, there's eight of them.

00:26:06.000 I think if there's any, there's like, there's 8,000.

00:26:09.000 You really think there's that?

00:26:10.000 I don't think there's that.

00:26:10.000 There has to be.

00:26:11.000 I think there's one dude.

00:26:13.000 That was one thing I pointed out on the show.

00:26:16.000 I was like, let's get past that.

00:26:16.000 This 1950s doo-wop hairdo looking at you.

00:26:18.000 It's one guy.

00:26:20.000 He's riding Loch Ness. 0.99

00:26:21.000 That's bullshit, though. 0.99

00:26:22.000 That's what we saw. 0.99

00:26:23.000 If there is a Bigfoot, that's not it. 0.99

00:26:25.000 That's bullshit. 0.99

00:26:26.000 No. 1.00

00:26:27.000 It's 100% bullshit. 1.00

00:26:28.000 That guy's a liar. 1.00

00:26:29.000 And it's unfortunate because people like that, these people that want to make shit up, they confuse the fuck out of everybody who wants to believe. 1.00

00:26:37.000 I think it's also confusing that you're using the word Bigfoot when that's not really what it is. 0.99

00:26:42.000 It's more like finding giant, you know, another one of these big apes.

00:26:45.000 Finding Gigantopithecus.

00:26:47.000 How do you know that?

00:26:48.000 Because putting, what, the original guy that made the Bigfoot name or whatever this big monster is, didn't they already find out that it was faked through the whole thing?

00:26:56.000 Well, no, that guy didn't make the name.

00:26:58.000 That's the thing.

00:26:59.000 You're talking about the Patterson footage, which is...

00:27:01.000 No, no.

00:27:02.000 Bigfoot came from the turning over the construction equipment and all the tracks that were found.

00:27:06.000 Mm-hmm.

00:27:06.000 And that there was a fake guy who came out and said, but when you look at what was done there, the faker...

00:27:12.000 See, there's a problem is when the fakers are faking, you know what I'm saying?

00:27:15.000 Like someone, oh, I did that hoax, that was all me.

00:27:18.000 It's like, no, it wasn't, man.

00:27:19.000 You were drunk in Wisconsin at the time.

00:27:20.000 It had nothing to do with you.

00:27:21.000 But guys come out and claim to do the...

00:27:23.000 And now that really messes up the water because now you've got someone who's really, really just trying to find out.

00:27:29.000 And the hoaxers are hoaxing, you know, themselves.

00:27:33.000 And they didn't actually hoax it.

00:27:35.000 And that's the stuff that's messed up.

00:27:38.000 So, like, the first thing that guy, people point back to that, I can't remember the guy's name, who had the tracks to show.

00:27:42.000 Here's his wooden tracks.

00:27:43.000 He says, I did those tracks in that time, in the 50s.

00:27:47.000 Actually, he didn't.

00:27:48.000 And he couldn't have pulled off.

00:27:50.000 What they found.

00:27:51.000 Like, you would have needed 20 men and major machines and a big conspiracy just to make a bunch of tracks going up into the bush.

00:27:59.000 It's not realistic.

00:28:00.000 That's what I'm about a lot, is the whole thing is, well, it's a hoax, it's a hoax, it's a person, it's a hoax.

00:28:05.000 Hang on a second.

00:28:05.000 How many people are out in the woods dedicating their life to sticking a frickin' track in the mud in the middle of nowhere in the Sierra Nevadas or the Rocky Mountains?

00:28:16.000 They're not doing it. 1.00

00:28:17.000 Nobody's got time for that shit. 0.99

00:28:19.000 You know, a better argument, I think, is that the Native Americans had over 200 different names for this thing. 1.00

00:28:24.000 Right.

00:28:25.000 That's what's more interesting to me, because they don't really have a lot of mythological animals in the Native American lore.

00:28:30.000 There's not a lot of fake animals.

00:28:32.000 I mean, there's a few things that they believe in.

00:28:34.000 They had some weird gods that they worshipped, and they believed they could dance and make it rain.

00:28:39.000 Thunderbirds.

00:28:40.000 But, you know, the Thunderbirds thing is a weird one, too, man, because we know that there were certain species of bird that were enormous that went extinct.

00:28:48.000 We also know there's a thing called the Terrorbird that lived before the last Ice Age went away.

00:28:54.000 I believe they got them down to, like, 10,000-plus years ago.

00:28:58.000 So it was like, you're talking about the Pleistocene, right?

00:29:01.000 You're talking about when the saber-toothed tigers existed.

00:29:04.000 Giant sloth.

00:29:05.000 Yeah, woolly mammoths. 1.00

00:29:07.000 Well, they had this fucking bird, this giant seven-foot-tall bird that was, like, predatory, that would run around. 0.99

00:29:14.000 And there's one of them called the Shoebill that lives in the Congo that they think was like... 0.99

00:29:19.000 Have you ever seen that thing?

00:29:20.000 No, not the Shoebill. 1.00

00:29:21.000 Christ, you got to see this fucking thing. 1.00

00:29:23.000 This is a what a creepy ass bird. 1.00

00:29:25.000 It's called a shoebill. 1.00

00:29:26.000 It's a five foot tall prehistoric bird with a giant face like a fucking hatchet in its face. 0.99

00:29:33.000 It's got this giant like huge bill and it's like it catches fish. 0.99

00:29:39.000 There's this crazy BBC documentary they did in the Congo. 0.99

00:29:42.000 Look at that goddamn thing. 0.99

00:29:43.000 There's better ones of it though. 1.00

00:29:45.000 That's like a dick. 0.99

00:29:46.000 There's better ones. 0.99

00:29:48.000 Pull up, I'm pretty sure it's Shoebill.

00:29:51.000 Shoebill, Bird, Africa.

00:29:52.000 There it is.

00:29:53.000 Below that.

00:29:54.000 That one right there.

00:29:55.000 Below it.

00:29:55.000 Yeah, that one.

00:29:56.000 No, no, no.

00:29:57.000 All the way, yeah.

00:29:57.000 The one in the middle.

00:29:58.000 It was jacking that bird.

00:30:00.000 Yeah, that one that you were just clicking on. 1.00

00:30:02.000 That fucking thing. 1.00

00:30:04.000 Look at that thing. 1.00

00:30:05.000 Make that bigger, Jamie. 1.00

00:30:06.000 Look at that goddamn creepy-ass animal. 1.00

00:30:09.000 That's a duck. 1.00

00:30:10.000 Yeah, it's killing a duck.

00:30:11.000 You hate ducks.

00:30:12.000 Now, go back and there's another one in that series of images, right below that, where you see that thing face on.

00:30:18.000 Look at that, where it's looking at you head on, where you see it's Bill. 0.99

00:30:21.000 Oh, shit. 1.00

00:30:21.000 What a creepy fuck that is. 1.00

00:30:23.000 That's a real bird. 1.00

00:30:25.000 What a creepy goddamn dinosaur. 1.00

00:30:28.000 That thing's five feet tall, and it walks around like a fucking, like a fake animal. 1.00

00:30:33.000 It's like Dark Crystal. 0.99

00:30:35.000 And it jacks things in the water.

00:30:37.000 It's a horrible looking monster.

00:30:39.000 You already tapped into something you're really super right about, the whole Native American perspective on Bigfoot and all that.

00:30:44.000 If you go up into Winnipeg, and I was up there with them up there, they've got like their, you know, their seven teachings and stuff, and they're based on the raven and the wolf and the fox and the bear.

00:30:52.000 And right in the middle, It's Sabe, Bigfoot.

00:30:56.000 And then the eagle and the otter.

00:31:00.000 It's just like, it's not like, oh yeah, and there's a Thunderbird, there's a mythological...

00:31:04.000 No, no, it's just seven normal animals, and in that span of seven normal animals, right in the middle is Bigfoot, what they consider to be a normal species that's there.

00:31:16.000 They don't make the difference, they don't differentiate. 0.99

00:31:18.000 Right now there's someone on the subway going, fuck you, Joe Rogan, I'm shutting this podcast off. 1.00

00:31:22.000 Listen to me, man! 1.00

00:31:24.000 We're not saying that Bigfoot's real.

00:31:25.000 That's not what I'm saying. 0.99

00:31:26.000 What I'm saying is that goddamn animal was definitely real. 0.99

00:31:30.000 We don't know if it's real. 0.99

00:31:30.000 What are you saying? 0.99

00:31:31.000 But we know that goddamn animal, that Gigantopithecus was real, and here's where it's crazy. 0.99

00:31:36.000 It was real in the exact area we absolutely know the human beings migrated from. 0.99

00:31:44.000 They migrated from Asia across the Bering Strait when it was a landmass, where you can cross it walking.

00:31:50.000 They came to North America, and where an animal like that would exist would be in the heavily dense forest of the Pacific Northwest, which is exactly where they would come across.

00:32:01.000 They would come across through Alaska to the Pacific Northwest, and that's where you hear about them.

00:32:06.000 It doesn't make sense That you would have a real animal that lived in a real place that you absolutely know existed, coexisted with human beings that were just like you and I. We have been in this form essentially, the scientists believe,

00:32:22.000 for 250,000 plus years.

00:32:24.000 So 100,000 years ago, they know this thing lived, and they know it lived where people were walking around, and they were walking all the way to America.

00:32:32.000 So the question is, are they still there?

00:32:34.000 That's the question.

00:32:35.000 One other thing, another question I'd like to ask, what do you do with someone who you respect, you admire, they're normal, they're sane, and then they say to you, look man, I don't care what you think.

00:32:47.000 I'm just telling you what I saw.

00:32:50.000 And I know what I saw.

00:32:53.000 And that happens a thousand freakin' times.

00:32:56.000 People do drugs.

00:32:56.000 People have episodes.

00:32:57.000 People have delusional, mass delusion.

00:32:58.000 They have psychotic episodes.

00:33:01.000 Or not.

00:33:03.000 Or not.

00:33:03.000 Or they want you to love them, so they just want to talk about Bigfoot.

00:33:07.000 And you go, really, man?

00:33:08.000 We gotta go over to Mike's house and tell us about Bigfoot.

00:33:11.000 These are people with nothing to gain, lots to lose, no money to make.

00:33:14.000 In fact, half the time you can't even drag the story out of them.

00:33:17.000 Like, okay, fine.

00:33:18.000 Please. 1.00

00:33:19.000 That's like girls who don't pretend they don't want to fuck. 1.00

00:33:21.000 Exactly. 1.00

00:33:22.000 I have a couple of crazy ex-girlfriends that will tell you some stories. 1.00

00:33:25.000 I've never actually done this before. 0.92

00:33:28.000 You don't believe them.

00:33:29.000 I can't believe I'm doing this. 1.00

00:33:31.000 Well, how do you know how to do that with my ass? 1.00

00:33:33.000 They know things! 1.00

00:33:34.000 They've been there! 1.00

00:33:35.000 They're liars! 1.00

00:33:36.000 This guy's a Bigfoot liar! 1.00

00:33:38.000 I told you, he's king of the analogy. 0.95

00:33:40.000 Listen, man, I think it's entirely possible that there is an undiscovered primate.

00:33:46.000 You're fascinated by this.

00:33:48.000 Oh, yeah.

00:33:48.000 You were supposed to come out with me, though, but you pursued it.

00:33:51.000 Not possible.

00:33:51.000 I'm not pussied out.

00:33:52.000 No, seriously.

00:33:53.000 I just wanted to give you some time on your own, see if you found it, and then if you didn't, I confirmed my suspicions.

00:34:00.000 Here's the problem, man. 1.00

00:34:02.000 These guys that go looking for it, they're almost all full of shit. 1.00

00:34:05.000 And a lot of them are nice guys, but they're true believers. 1.00

00:34:07.000 They're true believers in a sense where they're not looking at things rationally.

00:34:12.000 They're not looking at things objectively.

00:34:14.000 Right, and so that's what I do with Survivorman...

00:34:16.000 Bigfoot.

00:34:19.000 That's Freud.

00:34:21.000 That's the Guinness talking.

00:34:23.000 Guinness will pull the truth right out of your bones.

00:34:28.000 So that's what I'm doing with Survivor Man.

00:34:31.000 Bigfoot.

00:34:32.000 Bigfoot.

00:34:32.000 Is I'm saying, okay, alright, okay.

00:34:36.000 You've got Bigfoot and some alien spaceships.

00:34:38.000 Leave me in that valley overnight, couple of nights, let's see what happens.

00:34:41.000 You've got Gigantopithecus and a herd of 12 of them.

00:34:45.000 Okay, leave me in the valley, let me see what happens.

00:34:47.000 Let's cut to the short and curlies. 0.81

00:34:50.000 What have you seen? 1.00

00:34:53.000 What is the craziest shit that you've seen? 0.99

00:34:55.000 What is the one thing you've seen that you think you could bring up? 0.99

00:34:58.000 You're going to have to watch the episode in a way. 0.99

00:35:01.000 Get the fuck out of here, dude. 0.98

00:35:02.000 I'm not going to... 0.98

00:35:03.000 Alright, so on one of the episodes...

00:35:05.000 Alright, so here, alright.

00:35:06.000 On one of the episodes...

00:35:07.000 I'm going to have to light a joint.

00:35:07.000 I can't believe you said that.

00:35:09.000 Alright, I'm going to tell you.

00:35:10.000 So you don't have to watch the episode.

00:35:12.000 Okay, so spoiler alert on the episode.

00:35:13.000 You watch the episode where I'm going to go up to the top of the mountain and radio.

00:35:17.000 And that night...

00:35:18.000 Everybody, here's spoiler alert. 0.99

00:35:20.000 Finding Bigfoot ain't finding shit. 0.97

00:35:22.000 There's a spoiler alert. 0.97

00:35:23.000 If I had for you the definitive footage, here it is.

00:35:27.000 Obviously by now I would have done a press conference.

00:35:29.000 Exactly. 0.99

00:35:30.000 That's why that footage is bullshit. 0.99

00:35:31.000 Right. 1.00

00:35:32.000 Here, eat that.

00:35:34.000 Take a hit of that.

00:35:35.000 It'll tell you the truth.

00:35:37.000 It'll talk to you.

00:35:38.000 When you're surviving, couldn't you just wrap up food in plastic and then eat it and then poop it out and eat it later?

00:35:44.000 Like, take the plastic off and eat it?

00:35:49.000 What?

00:35:49.000 Jesus Christ.

00:35:50.000 It seems like it could work.

00:35:51.000 That's a technique I've never thought of.

00:35:53.000 I mean, if you're going to be on your own for five days, you could eat a bunch of food, but wrap it up in plastic, and then later poop it out, then untake it out of the plastic.

00:35:59.000 But then how would you get the nutrients from the food in the first place when it goes through your stomach and gets a piece of plastic?

00:36:02.000 What is this poop it out?

00:36:03.000 I don't understand.

00:36:04.000 You eat it, and then you poop it out.

00:36:05.000 Meaning, like, before you leave for your trip, go get stuffed, like Boston Market or something.

00:36:10.000 Don't ruin this conversation.

00:36:12.000 Don't ruin this with your poorly thought out ideas.

00:36:14.000 And then eat a bunch of plastic.

00:36:15.000 Don't tell them.

00:36:16.000 Stop. 0.91

00:36:17.000 Can't tell a guy to eat his poop. 0.80

00:36:19.000 No, no, no. 0.92

00:36:19.000 I'm not saying poop. 0.92

00:36:20.000 I'm not saying eat poop.

00:36:21.000 I'm saying eat a big meal before you're about to leave. 0.98

00:36:24.000 Johnny Appleseed would eat his own poop. 0.55

00:36:27.000 Yeah, they call it Second Harvest.

00:36:29.000 It's what Native Americans call it.

00:36:30.000 They maybe take a bunch of protein bars, wrap them up in plastic, eat it, and then poop it out in a couple days, and then unwrap the plastic, then eat it. 1.00

00:36:37.000 What kind of shit are you taking? 1.00

00:36:38.000 You really think a fucking whole protein bar in plastic can make it through your digestive tract? 1.00

00:36:44.000 You're gonna die! 1.00

00:36:44.000 And why would I just carry the bars in my backpack and just eat them three days later? 1.00

00:36:48.000 That is like the poorest understanding of the human digestive tract ever exhibited on a podcast.

00:36:53.000 I was trying to figure out what you were saying.

00:36:54.000 I thought you were saying eating poop.

00:36:55.000 You're not talking about a little baggie of heroin that a drug mule swallows.

00:36:59.000 Right, that's what I was thinking.

00:37:00.000 That's not going to make you survive.

00:37:01.000 You'll get another hour's worth of energy from that little heroin bag.

00:37:04.000 What about petite fillets?

00:37:08.000 8 ounces wrapped in plastic.

00:37:11.000 You're going to die. 1.00

00:37:12.000 People get diverticulitis because they get a fucking watermelon seed. 1.00

00:37:15.000 That's a big freaking word, diverticulitis. 1.00

00:37:17.000 That's like mayonnaise. 0.95

00:37:18.000 That's like a 75 cent word.

00:37:19.000 Well, Brock Lesnar from the UFC got diverticulitis.

00:37:24.000 Serious operation when they removed 12 inches of his colon.

00:37:27.000 I found out about it, I looked into it, and I thought it was just because of eating meat, but Anthony Bourdain informed me that you could eat a seed, like you get like a sunflower seed or something stuck inside your tract, your digestive tract, and it starts an abscess and you get sick. 0.99

00:37:41.000 Yeah, you can die from a fucking seed getting stuck. 0.81

00:37:45.000 He's like, all kinds of stuff gets stuck in there. 0.99

00:37:46.000 So it's not necessarily just protein.

00:37:49.000 There's also contributing genetic effect.

00:37:51.000 So Anthony Bourdain is like a GI tract doctor.

00:37:54.000 No. 0.97

00:37:54.000 You can't eat a petite filet mignon and shit it out in the woods, son. 0.97

00:37:58.000 That's all I'm saying. 0.98

00:37:59.000 You gotta have to have a better strategy than that.

00:38:01.000 That's the worst way to cheat ever.

00:38:03.000 I guess I was thinking of Survivor Island, like trying to find a way to cheat.

00:38:06.000 You can't.

00:38:07.000 You can't cheat.

00:38:07.000 Just carry it in your backpack.

00:38:08.000 You look like you're pregnant if you had enough food for a day. 0.87

00:38:11.000 All this food packed up in your body.

00:38:14.000 What kind of calorie consumption are you thinking you're gonna have?

00:38:18.000 You know, you're going to go on a diet.

00:38:19.000 That's one thing you could do. 1.00

00:38:20.000 You can get fat as fuck and then go out there and just live off your fat for a few days. 1.00

00:38:24.000 That would actually work. 1.00

00:38:26.000 You could.

00:38:26.000 I never ever, on all the Survivor Man shows, I never ever prepared for the show by either trying to trim down and making my stomach smaller or by bulking up and having all the extra.

00:38:35.000 I always figure, well, then that's not even realistic either.

00:38:37.000 Whenever I start something, it's got to be like I just, you know, was going somewhere else and got lost.

00:38:41.000 You're too honest for television.

00:38:43.000 We can't use you anymore.

00:38:44.000 We can't use you here at the Super Pseudo Science Channel.

00:38:48.000 You have no idea what you just said.

00:38:49.000 I mean, that is one of my...

00:38:50.000 I've been told before, you know, Les, that's a bit too earnest.

00:38:54.000 I'm like, oh, God, you killed me.

00:38:55.000 Okay, now let's get back to the short and curlies. 0.72

00:38:57.000 What have you seen?

00:38:58.000 What have you seen?

00:38:59.000 So on the top of the mountain in Radium...

00:39:01.000 Radium?

00:39:02.000 Where's that?

00:39:03.000 Radium Springs, British Columbia.

00:39:05.000 First time in my life ever.

00:39:06.000 That's a big area, right?

00:39:08.000 Big high sightings.

00:39:09.000 No, it's a small area.

00:39:10.000 But big after sightings, yeah.

00:39:11.000 First time ever, first of all, I've never claimed this.

00:39:16.000 I saw big freaking lights in the sky I couldn't explain.

00:39:19.000 I'm like, look, I'm going, what the?

00:39:22.000 There they are.

00:39:23.000 Just the whole classic UFO thing.

00:39:25.000 I was like, what the?

00:39:26.000 I've never seen anything like that.

00:39:27.000 I don't claim anything like that.

00:39:28.000 This is while you were filming the show.

00:39:29.000 So this is while I'm on the top of the mountain while I'm filming the show.

00:39:31.000 I'm looking at these big-ass lights, way bigger.

00:39:35.000 If it was a plane, it was bigger than the Concorde.

00:39:37.000 Whoa.

00:39:37.000 And they just hovered there.

00:39:40.000 And they're gone like that.

00:39:42.000 Just gone.

00:39:43.000 Then that same night... 0.99

00:39:45.000 And some other shit happened. 0.98

00:39:46.000 I woke up, and I swear I was in my mommy's sleeping bag, and I swear something was sitting on top of me, and I couldn't move. 0.99

00:39:52.000 I tried to move, and it wasn't like, you know, you wake up in a half-dream, arm you were sleeping on is, like, all frozen, and you're like, ah, shit, a wolf's eating my arm.

00:39:58.000 No, this is, like, the arm on top. 0.99

00:40:00.000 Who the fuck has dreams about wolves eating their arms? 0.99

00:40:02.000 Don't you? 1.00

00:40:03.000 You've been sleeping in the woods alone too much, man.

00:40:05.000 That is one thing I've never dreamed about getting eaten by a wolf.

00:40:09.000 You've got to come out and do one of these shows with me.

00:40:11.000 You'll dream about wolves eating your arms. 1.00

00:40:12.000 Damn. 1.00

00:40:13.000 Hopefully, no. 1.00

00:40:15.000 I don't want that dream.

00:40:16.000 It's not a good dream, man.

00:40:18.000 Yeah, the problem is that actually can happen.

00:40:20.000 Things go horribly wrong.

00:40:21.000 Wolf can eat your arm. 0.90

00:40:22.000 Have you ever been surrounded by wolves while you're out there?

00:40:24.000 I have.

00:40:24.000 Yes, I have.

00:40:25.000 Yeah?

00:40:26.000 Yep.

00:40:26.000 I've had them.

00:40:27.000 I can see them.

00:40:27.000 There's one.

00:40:28.000 There's another.

00:40:29.000 And what were they doing?

00:40:30.000 They were checking you out.

00:40:31.000 Following, checking you out.

00:40:32.000 It happens.

00:40:32.000 Dude.

00:40:33.000 Yeah, they check you out as a pack.

00:40:33.000 And you're by yourself.

00:40:34.000 It's scary.

00:40:36.000 You know what?

00:40:37.000 Better than that, not even a week ago today, I had to spend the majority of the night in a tree because it was literally, I'm not sensationalizing, there was a man-eating tiger down below me on the ground. 0.99

00:40:49.000 What in the fuck? 0.99

00:40:51.000 Less than a week ago. 1.00

00:40:52.000 What?

00:40:53.000 India.

00:40:54.000 Oh my god, dude.

00:40:55.000 I did my first Survivorman shoot in India. 1.00

00:40:57.000 What the fuck are you doing? 1.00

00:40:59.000 Fuck that noise. 1.00

00:41:00.000 Oh my god! 1.00

00:41:02.000 Were you in the Sundar Pans?

00:41:05.000 I was up in the Jim Corbett Park area, northern India, north of Delhi, about a five-hour drive north of Delhi, and into the forest there, and I was like, you know, this area's not that bad.

00:41:19.000 That's when I got there.

00:41:20.000 After I was there...

00:41:22.000 I was told that I was dropped in the densest population of tigers in the world.

00:41:26.000 Royal Bengal tiger, densest population in the world.

00:41:28.000 And then she says to me, this is the madam, and she goes, well, and then the one tiger we have has killed 21 people this year so far.

00:41:37.000 But it's okay, she only recently started eating the corpses.

00:41:40.000 I'm like, you gotta be kidding me.

00:41:42.000 And they told me this after I got out.

00:41:43.000 And then I saw a tiger on the first night.

00:41:45.000 On the second night I heard it growl.

00:41:46.000 I had to go up into a tree.

00:41:47.000 And I spent the majority of the night.

00:41:49.000 And it's all filmed.

00:41:50.000 Like, I'm filming myself for Survivorman.

00:41:52.000 I got the whole selfie thing going on.

00:41:54.000 And I'm like, alright.

00:41:55.000 And I had to, like, pull my camera up with a rope.

00:41:57.000 And I'm holding the camera.

00:41:58.000 And I'm like, okay, I'm stuck.

00:41:59.000 You slept in the tree?

00:42:00.000 I'm stuck.

00:42:00.000 And I didn't sleep.

00:42:01.000 I just sat and waited and waited and waited. 0.99

00:42:03.000 See, that to me is so much more interesting than that bullshit monkey fake thing. 0.99

00:42:07.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:42:08.000 That's real shit. 1.00

00:42:09.000 And Bigfoot, yeah. 1.00

00:42:11.000 That's real shit. 1.00

00:42:12.000 I mean, that's a real animal. 1.00

00:42:13.000 I mean, if there was a Bigfoot and there was also a tiger, okay?

00:42:17.000 If these absolutely were real things.

00:42:19.000 I put that up on my Twitter the other day.

00:42:20.000 That's a classic video.

00:42:22.000 Somebody tweeted it to me and it just...

00:42:23.000 It's the one thing I'm the most afraid of, actually, is tigers.

00:42:27.000 Let's look at that one more time.

00:42:29.000 Show that again, Jamie.

00:42:30.000 This is a video.

00:42:31.000 We're looking at folks who are just listening to this.

00:42:33.000 There's a crazy video of this tiger flying through the air and attacking this guy who's on this elephant. 0.99

00:42:40.000 He's sitting on the top of the elephant, and the tiger just decides, fuck this dude. 0.98

00:42:45.000 And he jumps up through the air. 0.99

00:42:47.000 Wow.

00:42:48.000 Flies! 0.58

00:42:48.000 It's lucky he didn't get gored by the bull elephant with the tusks. 0.58

00:42:52.000 Well, the elephant didn't want to have nothing to do with that fucking cat, but the guy got fucked up. 1.00

00:42:59.000 When that thing claws his arm, it tore his arm apart. 1.00

00:43:02.000 Those are razor blades at the end of a super powerful predator.

00:43:06.000 That's what was basically 70 yards away from me. 1.00

00:43:09.000 Dude, what the fuck, man? 0.99

00:43:10.000 I can't believe you didn't fully research this. 1.00

00:43:14.000 I know, what the fuck? 0.99

00:43:15.000 I thought I did. 1.00

00:43:16.000 That's like one of the worst fucking camping ideas ever. 0.99

00:43:20.000 When you go to India, you renegotiate everything you do every hour. 1.00

00:43:25.000 Every hour is a new renegotiation.

00:43:27.000 Really?

00:43:27.000 How so?

00:43:27.000 No, we're going to have, like, this person's going to be there, they're going to lead you in an hour later.

00:43:31.000 So, this person's not here, but we're going to, my buddy, my cousin's going to lead you in an hour later.

00:43:36.000 My cousin couldn't make it, and you're not allowed to go in anyway, because the government says, hey, it's just like, every hour!

00:43:42.000 Was going like that.

00:43:43.000 So get this, I go out. 0.97

00:43:43.000 They probably think you're crazy. 0.97

00:43:45.000 They do think you're nuts. 0.98

00:43:46.000 So I went out to do my first night of Survivorman. 0.95

00:43:49.000 Alone.

00:43:49.000 I'm out in the jungle.

00:43:50.000 I'm out there.

00:43:52.000 And I'm like, I'm filming myself.

00:43:55.000 I'm like, alright, you know, what I'm going to have to do is probably stay here and stay here for the night sort of thing, get a fire going.

00:44:00.000 I'm doing the whole thing.

00:44:02.000 And I hear some noise, and I go back about 400 or 500 yards, and in the middle of the jungle, the fucking forest, 50 people show up and have a Lord Shiva rave, and all of a sudden I hear...

00:44:23.000 And I'm literally, so I'm in the middle of the forest surviving right now. 0.86

00:44:28.000 Wow.

00:44:29.000 It was the most bizarre thing, and it turns out this one time of the whole year, in this remote little place where there's this stone in the forest, it's the Lord Shiva stone, all these people, like 50 people on motorcycles showed up.

00:44:41.000 And I'm like, so I'm gonna walk deeper that way because there's tigers and at least they're quiet.

00:44:47.000 You know what's really bizarre is that there's a big push to save the tiger in India.

00:44:53.000 There's a big push to make sure that the murderers of humans have healthy populations.

00:44:59.000 We're scared.

00:45:00.000 We don't want them to go away.

00:45:01.000 Nah, come on.

00:45:03.000 It's weird.

00:45:04.000 It's weird.

00:45:05.000 I'm not saying that we should encourage extinction, because they are, even though they're terrifying, and they're predatory, and they're dangerous, they're a beautiful, amazing life form.

00:45:15.000 I mean, I don't want tigers to go extinct.

00:45:17.000 I don't want to be anywhere near them, but I don't want them to go extinct, because I think they're fascinating.

00:45:22.000 They're great.

00:45:23.000 They're fascinating.

00:45:23.000 But you don't go camping.

00:45:26.000 Where they eat?

00:45:27.000 Come on.

00:45:28.000 See, that's the thing.

00:45:30.000 It's like, you've got to allow the tiger to be the tiger.

00:45:32.000 If you go and you sleep in an area that's rich with polar bears or tigers and you have a tiger or polar bear problem, uh...

00:45:40.000 Right?

00:45:41.000 It's like, well, why am I having this issue with polar bears? 1.00

00:45:43.000 Because you're sleeping in polar bear territory, idiot. 0.98

00:45:45.000 They said that there's an area in India called the Sundarbans, and there's an issue with the water, because the water's got too much salt in it, so the animals are irritated all the time, and there's a lot of typhoons in that area, so a lot of people die, 1.00

00:46:01.000 and they get washed into the river, and the tigers develop a taste for human flesh.

00:46:04.000 So it's one of the rare places where they're actively hunting people on a regular basis.

00:46:09.000 In the last 200 years...

00:46:11.000 It's not that rare.

00:46:11.000 No, it's not rare at all.

00:46:12.000 I just got back from India less than five, six days ago.

00:46:16.000 It's not...

00:46:16.000 The tiger attacks are normal.

00:46:19.000 Super common.

00:46:20.000 They're normal.

00:46:21.000 It's their way of life.

00:46:22.000 They're thinking about what life is.

00:46:24.000 It's so different than ours.

00:46:25.000 At any moment, they get snatched away by a monster.

00:46:28.000 At any moment, you're walking from a lake or a river to your family in a hut.

00:46:34.000 And you hear a twig snap, and you turn, and you see this 800-pound thing already in the air on its way to you.

00:46:40.000 And you know that's a wrap, son.

00:46:42.000 That's all, folks.

00:46:44.000 That's life in the bush and life in the jungle, man. 1.00

00:46:46.000 You feel that fucking blade slice into your jugular, crush down on your vertebrae. 1.00

00:46:53.000 I'd wear deodorant. 1.00

00:46:56.000 Vertible.

00:46:57.000 Yeah, I made up a new word.

00:46:59.000 It's vertible. 0.99

00:47:00.000 Goddamn, dude. 0.98

00:47:02.000 Now's not the time for grammar, please. 0.99

00:47:03.000 I'm not talking about tigers.

00:47:05.000 Worse thing you can do is someone correct their grammar. 1.00

00:47:06.000 You slept in a fucking tree. 1.00

00:47:08.000 It was messed up. 1.00

00:47:09.000 You literally stayed up there in a tree.

00:47:10.000 When do you feel confident enough to climb down?

00:47:14.000 Shh. 1.00

00:47:15.000 Fuck. 1.00

00:47:15.000 Alright, so you know why I knew the tiger was there? 1.00

00:47:17.000 The monkeys started going crazy.

00:47:19.000 The peacocks started going crazy.

00:47:20.000 They all react. 1.00

00:47:22.000 They're all like, holy shit! 0.99

00:47:23.000 And then all the monkeys go up high, and they're like, and you know, and you're looking, and you know nothing's going on over there. 0.98

00:47:30.000 And there's a tiger slowly moving through.

00:47:32.000 You don't hear any twigs snap for a tiger.

00:47:34.000 Do you see it?

00:47:35.000 I saw it, yeah.

00:47:36.000 The night before, I saw it go across the field.

00:47:39.000 That night, I didn't see it.

00:47:40.000 I heard it growl, which was even scarier.

00:47:43.000 Oh, my God.

00:47:43.000 The monkeys all saw it.

00:47:45.000 And you have to be at least 12 feet up the tree because they can jump and kind of reach up to 12 feet.

00:47:52.000 Oh, my God.

00:47:53.000 Yeah, there's a video of them attacking some meat.

00:47:58.000 They hold it up in the air, and the tigers leap up to get it.

00:48:01.000 And you watch it, you're like, what?

00:48:04.000 Is that possible?

00:48:06.000 Pull that video up, Jamie. 0.99

00:48:07.000 It's the most ridiculous video. 0.91

00:48:08.000 There's this guy who holds this meat up, and this tiger just does something that you just go, oh... 0.92

00:48:15.000 I never internalized what it looks like when they jump 12 feet in the air.

00:48:20.000 Watch this.

00:48:21.000 They hold this meat up.

00:48:22.000 Look at this thing. 1.00

00:48:23.000 This thing fucking flies. 0.99

00:48:24.000 Look at that. 1.00

00:48:24.000 Spring flies. 1.00

00:48:26.000 And grab. 0.99

00:48:27.000 Its head is like 14 feet in the air.

00:48:30.000 That's why I climbed at least 12 feet up the tree.

00:48:32.000 Oh my god.

00:48:34.000 Watch that again.

00:48:35.000 That's insane.

00:48:36.000 That animal is just...

00:48:37.000 What it can do with its body to kill things.

00:48:40.000 I mean, that's what it's designed for.

00:48:42.000 It's powerful.

00:48:43.000 But the fact that they're sitting there, these two giant cats are sitting there watching this person feed them.

00:48:50.000 Like, what kind of bizarro world is that?

00:48:53.000 That's just habituation.

00:48:54.000 They're fenced in, and this guy is holding this thing in a crane up in the air, and the tiger jumps up and grabs it.

00:49:02.000 It's insane.

00:49:03.000 They're powerful, man. 1.00

00:49:04.000 Fuck! 1.00

00:49:04.000 Now, you don't have weapons? 1.00

00:49:06.000 No, no.

00:49:07.000 Firecrackers? 0.61

00:49:07.000 There was an area I was in, and they... 0.61

00:49:10.000 Do you use the force?

00:49:11.000 Well, of course.

00:49:13.000 The force is always there.

00:49:14.000 They wouldn't let me go into an area with an armed guard.

00:49:18.000 I was like, dude, I'm like, survivor man, I gotta go out, I gotta do this thing, and I gotta be alone.

00:49:22.000 We're not gonna let you do that.

00:49:25.000 And I wasn't allowed to be out there without an armed guard.

00:49:29.000 So they had, and I was like, maybe a quarter mile away, was actually a pair of armed guards on either side.

00:49:36.000 A quarter mile?

00:49:37.000 I know!

00:49:37.000 Those are the wackest guards ever!

00:49:38.000 That's what I thought! 1.00

00:49:40.000 Bitch, you gotta be like three feet away. 1.00

00:49:42.000 Exactly! 1.00

00:49:42.000 I'm thinking if this thing's 75 yards from me and it pounces on me, how fast are you gonna get here? 1.00

00:49:46.000 A quarter of a mile is a long time!

00:49:49.000 It takes a long time to get on foot from a quarter of a mile.

00:49:52.000 It does, yeah.

00:49:53.000 How fast can you run a mile?

00:49:55.000 Like a really fast mile is like a four-minute mile, right?

00:49:58.000 That's like the thing that no one thought you could ever do.

00:50:00.000 So one-fourth of that is a minute.

00:50:03.000 So stop and think about that.

00:50:05.000 Yeah, but just stop and think about a minute of running.

00:50:08.000 That's what it is.

00:50:09.000 If you're like the fastest guy ever, you run for a minute to get to you. 0.99

00:50:13.000 What the fuck a tiger can do to you in 59, 58, 57, 56, 55. You're fucking torn to charades! 1.00

00:50:25.000 It's like you with a roach. 1.00

00:50:28.000 Like, literally as ferocious as you would tear a roach's body apart, that's what a tiger could do to you.

00:50:35.000 It's insane.

00:50:36.000 They're powerful.

00:50:36.000 And you're sleeping above, or hanging out in a tree above it.

00:50:38.000 Yeah, and of course, you know, I'm going to give a super shout-out to the fact that they're actually 30% increasing in population in this one area, which is phenomenal.

00:50:46.000 Because they are beautiful.

00:50:47.000 It's awesome.

00:50:48.000 I think there's enough of them. 1.00

00:50:50.000 How about we just have two of them and make sure they fuck? 1.00

00:50:53.000 We need more of them. 1.00

00:50:55.000 We need more of them.

00:50:56.000 Jesus.

00:50:57.000 I want more.

00:51:00.000 There's more Bigfoot than there are tigers.

00:51:03.000 Oh, well, I don't know about that.

00:51:06.000 Because I've seen a tiger.

00:51:09.000 I've seen it with my own eyes at the zoo.

00:51:13.000 You and this Bigfoot thing.

00:51:15.000 What if they dropped off one tiger a year in Los Angeles, but they don't tell you where it's at?

00:51:19.000 Well, they kind of have mountain lions wandering around. 0.97

00:51:22.000 They usually don't fuck anybody up. 0.94

00:51:24.000 I gotta get this guy out in the bush. 1.00

00:51:26.000 No, you need to have some shit that's not fake, like that guy with his monkey face. 1.00

00:51:33.000 Well, you know my shit's not fake, so... 1.00

00:51:34.000 Your shit is not fake. 1.00

00:51:36.000 You wouldn't fake anything. 1.00

00:51:37.000 Remember, I texted you and said, I'm shooting the Bigfoot shows, you want to come out?

00:51:41.000 I was tempted. 0.99

00:51:42.000 I would find the spot and say, this is where they say all this shit happens. 0.99

00:51:46.000 We go, we sit up, we sit by the fire with a case against us, and we keep the fire going. 0.99

00:51:51.000 Stay up all night. 1.00

00:51:52.000 And in the morning, it's like, that 3 o'clock in the morning shit was insane! 1.00

00:51:58.000 Or, well, that was nothing. 0.99

00:51:59.000 We told a lot of stories, and now I'm really tired.

00:52:01.000 Yeah, I get it, man. 1.00

00:52:03.000 I just hate feeling like an asshole. 0.99

00:52:06.000 And if I was out there wandering around looking for Bigfoot and I found nothing, I'd be like, I could have been at home with my kids. 0.99

00:52:11.000 I could have been writing jokes.

00:52:13.000 I could have been working out.

00:52:14.000 I could have been, you know, doing something smart.

00:52:17.000 How about like Survivorman Myrtle Beach?

00:52:23.000 We're trying to find bikers.

00:52:28.000 Can we find them?

00:52:29.000 Survivor man, spring break, it could be like in a bar trying to build shelters out of bar stools. 0.99

00:52:33.000 Again, what is it that we need to find this fucking thing? 0.94

00:52:36.000 Like if you really stop and think about like how amazing killer whales are and we know that they're a real animal that you can go observe. 0.99

00:52:43.000 They speak in this crazy language they don't understand, that we don't understand rather. 1.00

00:52:47.000 They have these families, they stay with these pods for life, they're very close to each other, they have Different dialects.

00:52:54.000 They start observing the sounds that one group makes and it's different from the sounds another group in another part of the world makes.

00:53:00.000 Like, they're amazing. 0.90

00:53:01.000 Like, they're way more fat.

00:53:03.000 They kill sharks, man.

00:53:04.000 They kill dolphins.

00:53:06.000 They eat dolphins.

00:53:07.000 Like, they're ruthless, but they're also beautiful. 0.99

00:53:10.000 And they're really fucking smart. 0.99

00:53:13.000 They're really smart. 1.00

00:53:14.000 Like in a weird, crazy way that just doesn't jive with our idea of, you know, like, oh, he doesn't know how to play poker, fuck him. 1.00

00:53:21.000 You know, he doesn't know how to drive a car, he's a pussy, he's an idiot. 1.00

00:53:24.000 You know, they have some weird, crazy, life-in-the-ocean intelligence. 1.00

00:53:30.000 They have intelligence where it's applicable in their environment.

00:53:33.000 They don't need to know how to type.

00:53:35.000 Okay, they don't know how to speak Spanish.

00:53:37.000 They don't have to.

00:53:38.000 No one's Spanish underwater.

00:53:40.000 They speak dolphin.

00:53:41.000 They speak whale. 1.00

00:53:41.000 They know all that shit. 1.00

00:53:42.000 So why Bigfoot? 1.00

00:53:43.000 Yeah, but Bigfoot is like, if he didn't think it was real, he's like, what is he doing? 0.99

00:53:46.000 He's knocking on wood and shit. 1.00

00:53:48.000 Hanging out there, hiding his shit. 1.00

00:53:51.000 Taking holes. 1.00

00:53:52.000 Hiding his logs. 1.00

00:53:54.000 No one can find Bigfoot shit? 1.00

00:53:56.000 You can find bear shit. 1.00

00:53:57.000 You won't find bear bodies. 1.00

00:53:58.000 But if you tell me you don't find bear shit, it's because you're in a place that doesn't have any bear. 0.99

00:54:02.000 Right? 1.00

00:54:03.000 Where's the Bigfoot shit? 1.00

00:54:04.000 He's burying it, man. 1.00

00:54:06.000 That's his big trick.

00:54:07.000 He doesn't save surfers.

00:54:09.000 He doesn't kill whales.

00:54:11.000 Have you ever seen a killer whale demonstrate to its young how to kill a seal?

00:54:16.000 They show them how to kill it.

00:54:18.000 They get them up on ice shelves.

00:54:20.000 They tip the ice shelves and have them slide down.

00:54:22.000 How do you know Bigfoot's not taking his young ice shelves?

00:54:24.000 I don't know that he's not, but we don't have any footage.

00:54:27.000 We have no evidence. 0.99

00:54:29.000 But we have all this evidence of these amazing killer whales that, not only that, they're smart as shit and they know we killed them. 0.99

00:54:36.000 They know we killed them and they still talk to us. 0.99

00:54:38.000 They know we killed them. 0.79

00:54:39.000 They have to know by now.

00:54:40.000 If they really communicate and they can express, I mean, they might not totally get it or their concept of life and death might be really weird, like way different than ours is.

00:54:52.000 It's real possible.

00:54:54.000 But they're so nice to us.

00:54:55.000 Killer whales don't kill people. 0.99

00:54:57.000 They're not attacking surfers.

00:54:59.000 They're not fighting back because they found out that they got this thing.

00:55:03.000 No, the ones that are in SeaWorld fight back.

00:55:06.000 But the other ones out in the wild, they don't go attack people.

00:55:09.000 Yeah, there's been some rogue stories for sure. 0.99

00:55:10.000 A bunch of pussies who got bumped. 1.00

00:55:13.000 They got chest bumped by a big fucking killer whale. 1.00

00:55:17.000 Nobody got eaten. 0.99

00:55:18.000 Nobody came back with no legs.

00:55:20.000 It's not what they do, you know?

00:55:22.000 And that's an amazing real-life animal.

00:55:25.000 And if we found out that Bigfoot was real, and we go, oh, wow, it's like a big orangutan, but it walks on two legs. 0.98

00:55:31.000 That ain't shit compared to a killer whale. 0.99

00:55:33.000 It's not shit. 1.00

00:55:34.000 It's not shit. 1.00

00:55:36.000 It's a wood-knocking asshole who hides his shit. 1.00

00:55:39.000 That's what it is. 1.00

00:55:40.000 It's a good point.

00:55:41.000 What you're basically saying is...

00:55:42.000 You're wasting your time up there in the woods?

00:55:44.000 No.

00:55:44.000 With a guy who's wearing a rubber mask?

00:55:46.000 That could be. 0.54

00:55:47.000 At least have a girl Bigfoot with Bigfoot titties on your season finale. 1.00

00:55:51.000 They have that.

00:55:52.000 The Patterson footage.

00:55:53.000 That's what it is.

00:55:53.000 It's a female.

00:55:54.000 You haven't seen it.

00:55:55.000 It's so real. 0.98

00:55:55.000 It's got titties. 0.98

00:55:56.000 Do you not know about Bigfoot come to me? 0.95

00:55:59.000 Like these Bigfoot erotica novels that were published on Amazon.com?

00:56:04.000 Yeah.

00:56:04.000 Come to Bigfoot?

00:56:06.000 I think it's called Come to Bigfoot.

00:56:07.000 Jamie Seavey had pulled up this title.

00:56:09.000 It became a huge bestseller. 0.99

00:56:12.000 Apparently, in this PC world that we live in, in this weird world of sanitized language and social justice warriors, there's still women out there that want to get fucked by the biggest monkey they can find. 1.00

00:56:27.000 Hair fetish, man. 0.99

00:56:28.000 It's not a hair fetish. 0.57

00:56:29.000 It's a primate fetish. 1.00

00:56:31.000 Like, they want to get gorilla fucked by something that doesn't even speak their language. 1.00

00:56:35.000 And there's women that are into this idea of erotica. 1.00

00:56:39.000 Obviously, totally in the fantasy. 1.00

00:56:41.000 I'm not saying they really want to get fucked by these guys. 1.00

00:56:43.000 But I'm saying... 0.99

00:56:45.000 But in the fantasies, man, these things sell. 0.99

00:56:48.000 So there's women that have a fantasy of actually getting fucked by a Sasquatch, by a giant, just like, it's overwhelming, it just takes you... 0.99

00:56:56.000 There's women who have this, they actually have a fantasy of getting fucked by something that can't talk to them, it doesn't have any morals, it doesn't have any ethics. 1.00

00:57:08.000 It's coming for Bigfoot. 1.00

00:57:09.000 It's coming for Bigfoot.

00:57:12.000 Look at that author.

00:57:14.000 I love her.

00:57:15.000 Virginia Wade, you're awesome.

00:57:17.000 I hope it's parody.

00:57:20.000 But I hope it's not, too.

00:57:21.000 I hope it's not.

00:57:22.000 Maybe it's real life stories.

00:57:23.000 Look, man, we don't know. 1.00

00:57:24.000 Look, there's shit that guys like that girls can't figure out. 1.00

00:57:28.000 Why should we be able to figure out that there's some women that really want to get fucked by Bigfoot? 1.00

00:57:32.000 And even if it's only ten of them, what if there's a lot of women that are listening right now? 1.00

00:57:35.000 You fucking asshole. 1.00

00:57:36.000 You don't understand women. 1.00

00:57:37.000 Women don't want to get fucked. 1.00

00:57:38.000 No, listen. 1.00

00:57:39.000 My friend, you don't want...

00:57:41.000 I almost said sweetie. 1.00

00:57:43.000 You don't want to get fucked by Bigfoot. 1.00

00:57:45.000 I'm arguing with a person who's not even real. 1.00

00:57:47.000 You don't want to get fucked by Bigfoot, but there's women that do. 1.00

00:57:51.000 Or at least they want to read about it. 0.99

00:57:52.000 It might not be... 0.98

00:57:53.000 Look, there's some guys that are into dressing like mascots and having sex with other men. 0.96

00:58:00.000 That's a real thing, okay? 1.00

00:58:02.000 There's some people that are going to be into getting fucked by Bigfoot. 0.99

00:58:06.000 It's not a bad thing, goddammit. 0.99

00:58:08.000 Mrs. Henderson from Harry and the Hendersons.

00:58:09.000 Yeah.

00:58:10.000 Well, look at that.

00:58:11.000 The thing was living with the family.

00:58:12.000 How do you think that thing was going to go down?

00:58:13.000 Exactly.

00:58:14.000 How long is he going to tolerate that guy just banging that chick? 0.93

00:58:18.000 Is someone going to bring in a female Bigfoot to satisfy him? 1.00

00:58:21.000 Do we have rub maps for Bigfoot?

00:58:24.000 Yeah, same thing.

00:58:26.000 There's no... 0.99

00:58:26.000 Yeah, if you're gonna have a Bigfoot, you better find a fucking female Bigfoot for him, because otherwise the reason why he's come down to the village is he's tired of looking for females. 0.99

00:58:34.000 I mean, you already alluded to the whole Native American thing, and there are lots of stories in Native American lore of the Native women being scooped up, picked up. 0.99

00:58:44.000 And then there's a lot of dudes who don't want to admit their chick ran off with another dude, so they make up some shit about Bigfoot stealing their woman, because this is the manliest man around. 0.92

00:58:51.000 Like, how could she, look at my most offensive Native American accent, how could she go off with other man? 0.99

00:58:57.000 Must be Sasquatch! 1.00

00:58:59.000 Must be Bigfoot, come down, fuck my woman, because no man can compete with my hog. 1.00

00:59:05.000 That's probably what happened. 1.00

00:59:07.000 That's probably some excuses.

00:59:08.000 It would have sounded like that.

00:59:09.000 It's like a fish story.

00:59:10.000 You know?

00:59:12.000 Dude, I had it at the boat.

00:59:16.000 It was at least a hundred pounds bigger than the world record.

00:59:19.000 At least!

00:59:20.000 I'm not exaggerating!

00:59:21.000 I had her in my teepee.

00:59:23.000 Yeah.

00:59:23.000 No, seriously.

00:59:24.000 Bro.

00:59:24.000 And Bigfoot.

00:59:24.000 Bigfoot stole her from the tip of my dick.

00:59:27.000 My dick touched her click, and then she shot out like she was in the Matrix, like she was attached to rubber bands. 1.00

00:59:34.000 She went flying through the air. 1.00

00:59:36.000 Bigfoot had grabbed her.

00:59:37.000 Only you could have taken this to this place.

00:59:39.000 It was on this place.

00:59:40.000 Because isn't this place a fantasy?

00:59:42.000 Because until there's a photo of Bigfoot, until there's DNA that makes sense, I had that guy, Todd Disotel, who's a biologist from, I think, NYU. I think it's NYU. He's in New York City.

00:59:56.000 Very, very brilliant guy.

00:59:58.000 Yeah.

01:00:19.000 You can't do that because someone touched it. 1.00

01:00:22.000 And when people touch things, you leave DNA on shit. 0.99

01:00:24.000 You know, when your sweaty ass picks up some hairs in the woods and you drop them into it, you're not supposed to touch that with your body. 1.00

01:00:32.000 If you do, you've contaminated it. 0.99

01:00:34.000 You should have rubber gloves on, you should have tongs, and you should have a direct chain of custody between touching that fucking thing and it being in a laboratory being analyzed. 1.00

01:00:42.000 And if you don't, your studies are bullshit. 1.00

01:00:45.000 And this guy explained this to me in no uncertain terms. 1.00

01:00:48.000 And when you look at it that way, you go, okay, that means none of it's real.

01:00:53.000 Like, no one's found anything.

01:00:55.000 They've never found a bone.

01:00:56.000 They've never found a piece of hair. 1.00

01:00:58.000 They've never found Bigfoot shit. 0.99

01:01:00.000 They've never found one thing that you could say, this makes Bigfoot a real animal. 0.99

01:01:05.000 So all you're going on is stories, and all you're going on is the knowledge that an animal like that used to exist, and the knowledge that they found another unknown primate in the island of Flores that was only 10,000 plus years ago.

01:01:19.000 I think like maybe 13,000 years ago.

01:01:21.000 It's in that range, which is incredibly recent.

01:01:24.000 Like really, really, really recent for a three-foot tall little monkey person, you know, that used tools but had a small brain.

01:01:32.000 Like, you know, Can you imagine those things running around today? 0.99

01:01:34.000 Weird little freaky fucking half monkey people. 1.00

01:01:37.000 That'd be cool. 1.00

01:01:38.000 Oh, it'd be so scary though.

01:01:40.000 They'd probably steal your baby and eat it. 1.00

01:01:42.000 Such a fetish to fuck though. 1.00

01:01:44.000 Ooh, you would fuck it, wouldn't you? 1.00

01:01:45.000 Yes. 1.00

01:01:46.000 Come for tiny Sasquatch Hobbit people. 1.00

01:01:48.000 Come for the orang pen deck.

01:01:50.000 That doesn't have the same sort of rhyme to it.

01:01:52.000 No, it doesn't. 0.99

01:01:53.000 Have you ever fucked an animal before you ate it? 0.99

01:01:56.000 Hey, easy dude. 1.00

01:01:57.000 Before what?

01:01:57.000 Before you ate it?

01:01:59.000 You didn't see that?

01:01:59.000 The outtakes?

01:02:01.000 That's not...

01:02:02.000 Listen, this is not appropriate.

01:02:03.000 I mean, you're alone in the woods.

01:02:05.000 No one's looking.

01:02:06.000 This sounds like a confession.

01:02:08.000 Honestly, that's what I'm thinking.

01:02:09.000 Let's get back to Bigfoot.

01:02:10.000 Okay.

01:02:12.000 What is the one thing?

01:02:13.000 You've done the show, or you had your experience outside the show, and then you went and did the show.

01:02:17.000 What is the one thing, while you were on the show, that really gave you pause, that really made you think?

01:02:22.000 We were videotaping on a trigger motion...

01:02:27.000 A motion-triggered camera.

01:02:29.000 It's all set up.

01:02:30.000 Put bait out.

01:02:32.000 Like a trail cam type thing?

01:02:34.000 Trail cam.

01:02:35.000 Put bait out.

01:02:38.000 And watched from one clip to the next clip, the bait, all of it, two chocolate bars and an apple, in a wild frame field, disappear.

01:02:49.000 Just disappear.

01:02:50.000 It's on the show.

01:02:51.000 I have no answer for that whatsoever.

01:02:54.000 A mouse would have, this is a really sensitive half-second triggers, a mouse would have set that off, and besides it had like many, many feet.

01:03:00.000 Can it be paused?

01:03:02.000 Oh, I pause it in the show.

01:03:04.000 Can it be paused?

01:03:05.000 Like, could someone walk up to it and shut its operation off momentarily, go over there, grab the candy bar, walk out of frame, and then turn it back on?

01:03:14.000 That's not possible?

01:03:14.000 No, it's not possible.

01:03:16.000 Why isn't it possible?

01:03:17.000 It doesn't work that way?

01:03:18.000 Because I was alone.

01:03:18.000 I was on the top of a mountain.

01:03:21.000 I'm not saying, I didn't mean is it possible in this circumstance.

01:03:25.000 I mean, is it possible with the operation of that trail cam to pause it?

01:03:28.000 No, because what happens is, no, it's not.

01:03:30.000 It's not.

01:03:30.000 Because to turn the camera off, you have to open it up.

01:03:35.000 The second you move it, you're now being filmed.

01:03:38.000 Okay.

01:03:39.000 I had another scene where a black bear actually came and took my camera, and it's all on camera.

01:03:44.000 You see his mouth biting the lens.

01:03:46.000 You see him pull the camera off the tree as he's walking.

01:03:49.000 You can kind of see the area of his limb just moving as he's walking.

01:03:52.000 And a lot of those you can set up to send the data to Wi-Fi, right?

01:03:57.000 You can, actually, yeah.

01:03:58.000 And some of them will send you, like, text messages when they have images, when they see something, they see movement.

01:04:02.000 They'll send you a text message that alerts you that you have movement on your cameras.

01:04:06.000 Yep.

01:04:07.000 So, you didn't get any of those readings, but you did get the candy bars disappearing?

01:04:11.000 Disappearing.

01:04:12.000 Do you think the bright lights in the sky stole your candy?

01:04:14.000 I don't know, maybe I'm not sure.

01:04:16.000 What did you think happened, for real?

01:04:17.000 For real, I can't, I haven't got a freaking clue.

01:04:20.000 Is it infrared camera?

01:04:22.000 Yes, it is.

01:04:24.000 So, it would be a crazy coincidence if the camera malfunctioned at the exact moment that someone came along and stole the candy.

01:04:31.000 That's impossible.

01:04:33.000 It's impossible.

01:04:33.000 But is there a way...

01:04:34.000 It's on the top of a mountain alone.

01:04:36.000 Right.

01:04:36.000 But if, say, some hoaxer dude knew you were going and was slick about it and was, like, real, like, stealthy...

01:04:44.000 Not possible.

01:04:45.000 Most likely not possible.

01:04:46.000 Most likely.

01:04:47.000 But is it possible, is there a device that you could use that would freeze the operation of the camera?

01:04:53.000 Is there some sort of a magnetic field that you could maybe generate, like something powerful that would cause it to disrupt momentarily enough where you could run over and grab the candy?

01:05:03.000 If you were Bigfoot.

01:05:04.000 Only if you're Bigfoot?

01:05:06.000 How come only if you're Bigfoot?

01:05:08.000 Not only, I didn't say only.

01:05:09.000 Okay.

01:05:10.000 If you're Bigfoot.

01:05:11.000 I said if you're Bigfoot.

01:05:12.000 Well, that means, that's the answer.

01:05:14.000 At the end of the show, when I wrap it up, I say, I don't have an answer for this.

01:05:18.000 Right.

01:05:18.000 The skeptics would say, everything fell off the branches and out of the field of view before the camera could register the falling, even though they were stuck on things upright like this.

01:05:29.000 And it's infrared.

01:05:30.000 Oh, wait a minute, wait a minute.

01:05:31.000 They were hanging?

01:05:31.000 They weren't just sitting down on something?

01:05:33.000 No, they were stuck.

01:05:34.000 On what?

01:05:34.000 Like this.

01:05:35.000 Branches.

01:05:37.000 Okay, would a camera be sensitive enough to depict, to catch that?

01:05:41.000 If a candy bar fell off a branch?

01:05:43.000 It seems like not a large enough object to trigger...

01:05:46.000 If it fell off on its own, I think it could potentially fall out of frame.

01:05:49.000 The problem is these things were all stuck and lodged.

01:05:52.000 There was zero wind.

01:05:55.000 Yeah, but isn't it more likely that gravity pulled them down the ground than that Bigfoot's invisible and knows how to shut off cameras?

01:06:02.000 Oh.

01:06:03.000 That's an interesting question.

01:06:04.000 What am I, a scientist?

01:06:05.000 Yes, you are.

01:06:05.000 Do I should be a scientist?

01:06:06.000 Yes is the answer to that.

01:06:07.000 I think I need a lab coat.

01:06:09.000 That's more likely, right?

01:06:10.000 Actually, who can answer that question?

01:06:11.000 More likely?

01:06:12.000 Probably a scientist.

01:06:13.000 More likely?

01:06:14.000 Or someone who's not...

01:06:15.000 What are they measuring?

01:06:15.000 What probability are they measuring?

01:06:17.000 More likely.

01:06:18.000 Who the hell knows?

01:06:19.000 What's more likely is what we know exists.

01:06:22.000 Something called gravity.

01:06:24.000 We know that that's a real thing.

01:06:25.000 We know something's hanging on a tree.

01:06:27.000 Look, I've set up things thinking they're going to be there until the end of time.

01:06:30.000 I came back a week later, they were gone.

01:06:32.000 Crazy how things like that happen.

01:06:34.000 Gravity always wins.

01:06:35.000 That's possible, and I state that. 0.98

01:06:36.000 Gravity works on tits, it works on balls, it works on candy bars falling off of trees. 0.98

01:06:40.000 Nobody wins. 0.99

01:06:41.000 Gravity always wins.

01:06:43.000 So, I would think that if it's between gravity and an unknown monkey...

01:06:50.000 I'm gonna go with gravity.

01:06:52.000 I hope you watch the show.

01:06:53.000 Well, definitely watch it now.

01:06:55.000 You gotta see it.

01:06:56.000 But it sounds crazy, though.

01:06:57.000 It's just like, that's it.

01:06:58.000 It is crazy.

01:06:58.000 But that's it.

01:06:59.000 It got messed up.

01:06:59.000 Just candy bars disappearing.

01:07:01.000 That's the number one thing.

01:07:02.000 That's it.

01:07:02.000 It is possible.

01:07:03.000 Did you try to recreate?

01:07:04.000 Did you, like, try to set some candy bars up and, like, put a time-lapse on them or put the trail cam on them, rather, and see if you could recreate it and you weren't able to recreate it?

01:07:13.000 Because it didn't fall.

01:07:14.000 Did you try to make it fall, like put it up like real flimsy and then knock them down, see if the camera picks it up?

01:07:21.000 No.

01:07:21.000 That's what I would have done.

01:07:22.000 Because if the camera didn't pick it up, I'd go, well, there it is.

01:07:25.000 It fell.

01:07:26.000 Right.

01:07:27.000 But was it there where it fell?

01:07:28.000 But then again, it fell from what?

01:07:30.000 I mean, it'd be like, if I put that there, you tell me what the odds are of this falling off of this table before tomorrow morning.

01:07:36.000 Well, that's different.

01:07:38.000 That's like setting it on a stump, right?

01:07:40.000 Like setting it on a stump?

01:07:41.000 The analogy or the comparison is the same.

01:07:43.000 They were firmly put in places where they wouldn't just fall.

01:07:47.000 Right.

01:07:48.000 So they were put in places or they were hanging?

01:07:50.000 Put in places.

01:07:51.000 Okay.

01:07:52.000 I'm confused.

01:07:53.000 I thought you were saying they were hanging from a tree.

01:07:55.000 No.

01:07:56.000 Would you pick that?

01:07:57.000 No, you said hanging.

01:07:57.000 I never said that.

01:07:58.000 I'm sorry.

01:07:59.000 I thought you said they dropped out of frame.

01:08:01.000 They did.

01:08:02.000 I was thinking you said they were stuck in place.

01:08:05.000 I thought you meant like they were stuck in a branch or something.

01:08:07.000 Like one apple was like, there's the branch, and the apple's like this.

01:08:12.000 Oh, okay.

01:08:13.000 Okay, so it was stuck inside the branch, but it was still like hanging in the air.

01:08:18.000 Like the branch, the apple was hanging in the air.

01:08:22.000 No, I would say no to that.

01:08:23.000 No.

01:08:23.000 Was it on the ground?

01:08:25.000 No, it was 15 feet up.

01:08:27.000 Okay, but in the branch 15 feet up.

01:08:29.000 I don't want to get bogged down semantics.

01:08:32.000 People go, what's the point?

01:08:33.000 If it was in the air, it's 15 feet above the ground, right?

01:08:37.000 And the apple stuck.

01:08:38.000 On the branch.

01:08:39.000 It could conceivably have fallen off.

01:08:41.000 It's nothing like being on this table.

01:08:42.000 Being on this table is 100% likely that if you put this lighter here in 24 hours, as long as we don't have an earthquake, the lighter at least will be there.

01:08:51.000 Yeah, you're splitting hairs, but I'll give you that.

01:08:52.000 That's not splitting hairs at all.

01:08:53.000 We're talking about something that could fall from gravity versus something that absolutely cannot move unless some interfering force comes along.

01:09:00.000 A rodent, a ferocious wind, an earthquake.

01:09:04.000 The chocolate bars?

01:09:05.000 No.

01:09:05.000 It's the same.

01:09:06.000 The chocolate bars were sitting here in the middle of the table.

01:09:08.000 Okay, so the apple was stuck on a tree.

01:09:12.000 The branch is this big.

01:09:14.000 And the chocolate bar sitting right like that.

01:09:17.000 Right.

01:09:17.000 Nice and like not going anywhere.

01:09:20.000 Okay, so for folks who he's making his hand like about 16 inches?

01:09:23.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:09:24.000 About Brian's dick. 1.00

01:09:25.000 And inside he puts a pen, which is my dick. 1.00

01:09:28.000 A small pen. 1.00

01:09:29.000 A little baby in black. 1.00

01:09:30.000 It's a happy dick though. 1.00

01:09:32.000 It's nothing to brag about. 1.00

01:09:35.000 So, okay, so that little tiny baby dick in between that little space, that's where you dropped a candy bar, correct? 1.00

01:09:43.000 Mm-hmm. 0.99

01:09:43.000 So the apple stuck in a tree about 15 feet off the ground. 0.99

01:09:46.000 Yep.

01:09:47.000 Two candy bars.

01:09:48.000 The candy bars.

01:09:49.000 Now, what part of the world...

01:09:50.000 I don't call it a candy bar anymore, anyway.

01:09:51.000 I do.

01:09:52.000 I live in America.

01:09:54.000 That's fried.

01:09:55.000 Where we refer to it as candy bars.

01:09:56.000 Wait, what are they called?

01:09:57.000 Yeah, exactly.

01:09:58.000 I don't know.

01:09:59.000 Chocolate?

01:10:00.000 No, it's a candy bar.

01:10:01.000 He's just trying to confuse us, man.

01:10:02.000 We got him on the run here.

01:10:03.000 And apples dry out really fast.

01:10:05.000 Have you ever let an apple out?

01:10:06.000 Like, if it has a little cut, it turns brown.

01:10:08.000 Stop with your logic and your science.

01:10:11.000 Just stop.

01:10:12.000 It was almost sound.

01:10:13.000 There's mysticism to be uncovered here. 0.99

01:10:16.000 Now, the candy bars, you left them on the log, so the candy bar is represented by the baby dick, right? 0.98

01:10:23.000 And so this is flat. 0.98

01:10:25.000 It's sitting on a flat surface.

01:10:27.000 What kind of an area we're looking at?

01:10:29.000 We're looking at like a heavily wooded area?

01:10:31.000 Is that what it's like?

01:10:31.000 Top of the mountain, sparse trees, rocks.

01:10:35.000 Rodents?

01:10:35.000 Got rodents up there?

01:10:36.000 Rodents for sure.

01:10:37.000 Right.

01:10:38.000 Wouldn't it be likely that maybe a rodent is small enough that it could grab that candy bar and maybe the trail camera is set up for like game?

01:10:46.000 Probably set up for something that triggers its camera sensors?

01:10:49.000 No, in fact, we showed it with the testing that it actually triggers with dust in the air.

01:10:54.000 So it'd just always be on, right?

01:10:56.000 All we are is dust in the wind.

01:10:59.000 But if it got dust in there, it'd just be on all the time.

01:11:01.000 Everything's dust. 0.98

01:11:01.000 You remember those scenes in Twilight where the sunlight is cutting through the trees and you see all the dust in the air, all the glistening stuff and shit and birds? 0.98

01:11:10.000 So it'd be a constant, like... 0.91

01:11:12.000 Flash.

01:11:13.000 It'd be like a movie, basically.

01:11:15.000 That's what it would be.

01:11:16.000 It was constantly...

01:11:17.000 You could run it together, like stop animation.

01:11:20.000 Nothing would stop.

01:11:21.000 It would keep moving.

01:11:22.000 So it could pick up dust.

01:11:24.000 Alright, so my rodent theory doesn't work.

01:11:26.000 But I know where you're going with this.

01:11:27.000 No, no, I agree with...

01:11:28.000 My theory is the rodent theory.

01:11:30.000 That's the only one that makes sense to me. 0.99

01:11:32.000 Unless Bigfoot can fuck with cameras and make them stop. 0.99

01:11:35.000 Is that what you were implying? 0.99

01:11:36.000 That's what I was implying.

01:11:38.000 Really?

01:11:39.000 For real.

01:11:40.000 For real, I was implying.

01:11:41.000 Okay.

01:11:41.000 I didn't say that's what it was.

01:11:43.000 But you will...

01:11:44.000 I was implying the possibility.

01:11:45.000 You will put that in your what-if folder.

01:11:47.000 What if?

01:11:49.000 Because...

01:11:50.000 That's...

01:11:53.000 That's what...

01:11:54.000 Oh, this better be good. 1.00

01:11:55.000 Fuck. 1.00

01:11:57.000 Bigfoot's aliens. 1.00

01:11:58.000 I'm not even going in here.

01:11:59.000 I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

01:12:00.000 No, I'm not telling you.

01:12:01.000 Come on, we gotta joke around.

01:12:02.000 We're drinking.

01:12:03.000 We have a little Guinness, a little marijuana.

01:12:05.000 We're talking Bigfoot.

01:12:06.000 You can't take this seriously.

01:12:07.000 Sorry.

01:12:10.000 So, if it is possible that this animal exhibits some strange power over electronics, like, that would...

01:12:22.000 They'll explain a lot of things, right? 0.99

01:12:24.000 They'll explain a lot of shit. 0.99

01:12:25.000 Like, how come there's no pictures of Bigfoot? 0.99

01:12:27.000 Funny thing.

01:12:28.000 Funny thing.

01:12:29.000 We found out that it knows how to stop cameras.

01:12:32.000 It's smart enough to figure out how to stop cameras. 0.99

01:12:35.000 Not smart enough for pants or shoes or any cool shit. 0.99

01:12:37.000 No cell phones. 0.99

01:12:39.000 Driving a car.

01:12:39.000 No Bigfoot TV. But they figured out how to stop cameras because that fucking camera is a problem.

01:12:47.000 As soon as man invented a camera, they saw it and were like, we gotta figure out how to mess with that. 0.99

01:12:51.000 We gotta get a radio shack. 0.73

01:12:52.000 And we gotta screech. 1.00

01:12:53.000 It's the howls.

01:12:55.000 The howls kill the camera.

01:12:58.000 Did you do the howling?

01:12:59.000 That was a big, of course.

01:13:00.000 Like they do?

01:13:01.000 The hoop?

01:13:02.000 How does anybody know what it sounds like?

01:13:04.000 That's what I said.

01:13:05.000 How do you even know what you're saying? 0.95

01:13:06.000 You'd be like pissing. 1.00

01:13:07.000 You'd say, oh man, dudes, you guys are ugly. 1.00

01:13:08.000 You don't know what you're saying. 1.00

01:13:10.000 You'd be calling for some dick. 1.00

01:13:11.000 That's the worst. 1.00

01:13:12.000 When you get there, he thinks you're a dick tease. 1.00

01:13:14.000 Just beats the shit out of you. 1.00

01:13:16.000 A horny Bigfoot wasting his time. 0.99

01:13:19.000 It's like, you don't want to be a fake Bigfoot tinder.

01:13:21.000 You know what I'm saying?

01:13:23.000 Tinder?

01:13:24.000 Bigfoot could be...

01:13:25.000 Yeah, that's what they use, the kids today.

01:13:27.000 The kids today. 0.99

01:13:29.000 Bigfoot could just be people from the future fucking with us. 0.99

01:13:32.000 Easily. 0.99

01:13:33.000 Easily.

01:13:33.000 Much more likely than Bigfoot, for real.

01:13:35.000 Yeah, I think time travel is more believable than... 0.99

01:13:39.000 What's more believable is that aliens went back in time, grabbed the Gigantopithecus, and just dropped it off periodically in the woods to fuck with people. 0.85

01:13:47.000 That's more likely than a large, more-than-tigers population of Gigantopithecus running through the woods. 0.98

01:13:55.000 You're going to love this one.

01:13:56.000 It gets even better.

01:13:56.000 On another occasion, it was all about the potential of it being the Nephrim from the Bible, Genesis chapter 6. Oh, chapter 6. As long as you number the chapters, it gives a lot of credence to words.

01:14:08.000 It sounds authoritative.

01:14:11.000 So there you go.

01:14:12.000 That's the stuff you start hearing and seeing over and over again.

01:14:17.000 It's bizarre.

01:14:17.000 It's a slippery slope.

01:14:19.000 There easily could have been large people at one point in time.

01:14:22.000 I mean, there's large people today.

01:14:24.000 The idea that this has never happened before.

01:14:26.000 You never had Shaquille O'Neal before.

01:14:27.000 You never had that guy from China.

01:14:29.000 What's the guy's name?

01:14:30.000 Gigantic.

01:14:32.000 Gigantic basketball player.

01:14:33.000 Yao Ming.

01:14:34.000 Thank you.

01:14:35.000 That guy's a giant. 0.98

01:14:36.000 He's so fucking tall. 0.99

01:14:38.000 He's taller than Shaquille O'Neal. 0.99

01:14:39.000 Is he like 7'10", 7'11", or something?

01:14:41.000 That's insane.

01:14:41.000 How tall is he, Jamie?

01:14:43.000 7-7. 1.00

01:14:45.000 What the fuck? 1.00

01:14:46.000 So that guy exists today. 1.00

01:14:47.000 It's very likely that at one point in time in history, there was a batch of those people.

01:14:52.000 There was a lot of them.

01:14:52.000 It's so possible.

01:14:54.000 We vary a lot, and we're not genetically that much different than people that lived 50,000 plus years ago.

01:15:00.000 So you're talking about the Bible, which was maybe written somewhere around like 4 or 5,000 years ago, and I think the Dead Sea Scrolls, I think they got that to like...

01:15:10.000 Was it like 5,000 years, whatever it is?

01:15:13.000 So it's anywhere, it's between like what we have today, 2015, and the last like whatever thousand years. 0.95

01:15:19.000 It's super possible that there was a group of huge fucking Yao Ming's running around back then. 0.96

01:15:24.000 Totally possible. 0.98

01:15:26.000 That's the same genes.

01:15:27.000 I mean, they probably have more access to protein and food today, but if they lived in a really rich source, You know as well as anybody that any bear that lives in an area where there's a lot of salmon.

01:15:38.000 Look how tall that guy is!

01:15:39.000 Oh my god!

01:15:40.000 Who's that guy?

01:15:41.000 Is that the newest giant?

01:15:42.000 Yeah, he's 7'5".

01:15:43.000 He's a college player now.

01:15:45.000 Mom would do MJ or something like that. 1.00

01:15:46.000 Oh my god, is he still growing?

01:15:48.000 Yeah, he's only like 19. Jesus fucking Christ! 1.00

01:15:52.000 Now, imagine if you're as short as me. 0.99

01:15:54.000 I'm 5'8", and I stumble through, and by the way, back in like the Civil War days, those guys were smaller than me.

01:16:01.000 Those guys were tiny.

01:16:02.000 The average size of a grown man in the Civil War was like 135 pounds.

01:16:08.000 They were these tiny little people that didn't get a lot of food.

01:16:11.000 Voyageurs were the same.

01:16:12.000 They used to carry like 100 pounds on their back. 0.92

01:16:14.000 Man, if you found a guy like this, if you went to some place and you saw people like this, and you got in a boat, and sailed across the sea, and landed on an island that was filled with legit giants, god damn you'd have some stories. 0.58

01:16:27.000 I think that makes more sense than Bigfoot. 0.93

01:16:31.000 The Nephilim!

01:16:34.000 So, the best thing you saw was nothing. 1.00

01:16:38.000 The best thing you saw was shit disappearing. 1.00

01:16:41.000 The best thing I saw, yeah, was shit disappearing. 1.00

01:16:43.000 Shit disappearing. 1.00

01:16:43.000 But what about sounds? 1.00

01:16:45.000 Did you hear anything?

01:16:46.000 Did you hear any moans or any grunts or anything?

01:16:49.000 Same as before the odd, you know...

01:16:53.000 But what the hell is that?

01:16:54.000 That could be a bird, right?

01:16:54.000 That could be a raven.

01:16:55.000 That could be a raven.

01:16:56.000 Frog. 0.99

01:16:57.000 Could be a frog.

01:16:57.000 Could be anything.

01:16:59.000 Frogs make a lot of crazy noises.

01:17:01.000 They do.

01:17:01.000 Do they whoop?

01:17:02.000 No, they make it sound like that for sure.

01:17:04.000 They scream.

01:17:04.000 What was the sound that you heard when you were in your tent?

01:17:07.000 You heard a Sasquatch sound.

01:17:09.000 So you're talking about the Survivor Man in Alaska show.

01:17:11.000 Yes.

01:17:12.000 What does it sound like?

01:17:13.000 Well, first of all, picture the scene.

01:17:14.000 I'm there.

01:17:15.000 Let me take my pants off.

01:17:16.000 Middle of nowhere.

01:17:18.000 Oh, sorry.

01:17:19.000 Hang on.

01:17:19.000 Do you want...

01:17:20.000 There should be some hand cream over there. 1.00

01:17:22.000 I don't need that shit. 0.99

01:17:23.000 I dry Jack. 1.00

01:17:25.000 I'm a man. 1.00

01:17:25.000 I want to be dependent on lotion like some pussy. 1.00

01:17:28.000 That's why I don't take pain pills. 1.00

01:17:30.000 That took about a split second to just go downhill.

01:17:32.000 Downhill?

01:17:33.000 It just got way better.

01:17:36.000 Okay, sorry.

01:17:37.000 So, picture this scene.

01:17:39.000 Middle of nowhere.

01:17:41.000 Alaska and coast.

01:17:42.000 By myself.

01:17:43.000 What do I smell like?

01:17:47.000 Lavender.

01:17:47.000 Lavender!

01:17:48.000 Sorry.

01:17:49.000 Okay.

01:17:49.000 Middle of nowhere, Alaska coast.

01:17:51.000 I'm sorry, I wanted to run again.

01:17:52.000 And I'm filming a scene, Survivorman scene, blah, blah, blah, just making a grass bed or something.

01:17:56.000 And then all of a sudden, the trees, 50 yards away, at about a 10 foot, 12 foot height, just start like shaking, just going crazy.

01:18:06.000 And then I hear a great ape.

01:18:08.000 Hoo, hoo, [...

01:18:13.000 Only way, way, way, way louder.

01:18:17.000 Deeper.

01:18:18.000 Goes right through your body when it's done.

01:18:20.000 The problem is I'm in Alaska.

01:18:22.000 So unless there's an escaped great ape from the zoo, what the hell is that?

01:18:26.000 Because bears don't do that. 0.81

01:18:27.000 Moose don't do that.

01:18:28.000 The skeptics would say that the bear, you just ran across a bear that made some unusual noises.

01:18:32.000 Five times in a row, and then when he left...

01:18:34.000 Five times in a row?

01:18:35.000 Five times in a row, and then when he left, the whole forest just erupted with breaking trees as it ran away.

01:18:42.000 I don't know many bears that do that.

01:18:45.000 Hence, my question.

01:18:47.000 What was that?

01:18:48.000 Wish I knew.

01:18:49.000 These people think it's Bigfoot.

01:18:50.000 I'm gonna go find it.

01:18:52.000 Indian rave.

01:18:53.000 No, there's no way whatsoever that you were asleep before this happened.

01:18:58.000 Oh, it was two o'clock in the afternoon.

01:19:00.000 Two o'clock in the afternoon.

01:19:02.000 Roughly.

01:19:02.000 So you had more than one experience, right?

01:19:04.000 Because there was another one when you went for your camera and it ran off, right?

01:19:07.000 No, that was that one.

01:19:08.000 That was that one.

01:19:08.000 I thought that was at night.

01:19:09.000 Did I screw it up?

01:19:10.000 I might have screwed it up in my own head.

01:19:12.000 Midday.

01:19:12.000 Okay, so when you didn't see anything, you just heard it?

01:19:16.000 Didn't see anything.

01:19:17.000 To this day, I haven't seen anything.

01:19:20.000 So I can't claim anything.

01:19:22.000 I haven't seen it.

01:19:24.000 That's what I keep saying.

01:19:25.000 Show it to me. 0.99

01:19:25.000 That's the fucked up thing about people telling you stories. 0.99

01:19:28.000 I had it in my head that this was a story at night time. 0.98

01:19:30.000 I had it in my head that you were in your tent and that this thing came out at night time and made all this noise and then you went for your camera and it ran off.

01:19:37.000 You wanted it to be more like that.

01:19:39.000 Yeah, I wanted it to be spookier.

01:19:40.000 I didn't have a tent.

01:19:41.000 Night time scares me.

01:19:42.000 And it was midday.

01:19:43.000 No tent, midday. 1.00

01:19:45.000 Damn. 0.99

01:19:45.000 It was a Survivorman thing. 0.99

01:19:47.000 Have you ever seen something where you're like, that might be Bigfoot, never seen anything?

01:19:52.000 No.

01:19:52.000 Nothing.

01:19:53.000 No. 1.00

01:19:53.000 Fuck. 1.00

01:19:54.000 That's why I want to know. 1.00

01:19:55.000 Finding schizophrenia.

01:19:57.000 I don't think it's schizophrenia.

01:20:00.000 I don't think it's schizophrenia.

01:20:02.000 I think...

01:20:03.000 Here's a problem.

01:20:05.000 Heightened states, okay?

01:20:07.000 Heightened states of fear, heightened states of alienation, unusual states of the mind. 0.99

01:20:16.000 Which would definitely coincide with being alone in Alaska by yourself with like a fucking bottle opener and a roll of duct tape and a condom. 0.99

01:20:29.000 I mean, that's what you have when you go to these fucking places. 0.99

01:20:32.000 You go and you bring like a bag of shit that you might ordinarily have on you if something went horribly wrong and you found yourself in these places. 1.00

01:20:39.000 And then you figure out a way to survive. 0.99

01:20:41.000 That's a heightened state, right?

01:20:43.000 So anything that happens is going to be...

01:20:47.000 Suspect.

01:20:47.000 Yeah, there was just some stuff going on in your brain, man.

01:20:50.000 Your brain is protecting you from all sorts of weird possibilities. 1.00

01:20:56.000 Bears and predators and who knows what the fuck is out there. 1.00

01:21:00.000 People! 1.00

01:21:01.000 Find a fucking purse in the middle of nowhere like that. 1.00

01:21:03.000 That might be the most dangerous shit you come across. 1.00

01:21:06.000 Yeah, that's freaky. 1.00

01:21:08.000 Tim and Dave McVeigh-looking motherfucker out there. 0.99

01:21:11.000 You know, some crazy Unabomber Ted Kaczynski-type character. 0.99

01:21:14.000 Yeah, that's scarier than the Tigers.

01:21:15.000 Way scarier than the Tigers. 0.99

01:21:17.000 A guy living by himself, if you went in deep, deep, deep, deep, deep into the woods, like miles and miles in, hours and hours of hiking, and you found a cabin, you better not knock on that fucking door. 0.99

01:21:27.000 You just better not. 0.99

01:21:28.000 Who's this guy?

01:21:30.000 Why is he out here with no one around him? 0.99

01:21:32.000 That guy's crazy.

01:21:34.000 That might be the scariest thing you could ever find in the woods. 0.95

01:21:36.000 A person who lives in the woods.

01:21:38.000 Yeah, I totally agree.

01:21:39.000 I've always said that.

01:21:40.000 People go on about the romanticism of some dude living out in the bush by himself for 35 years. 0.99

01:21:44.000 It's like, he's nuts! 1.00

01:21:47.000 Guy's an asshole. 1.00

01:21:49.000 Guaranteed. 1.00

01:21:50.000 He's gonna live where there's no people. 1.00

01:21:52.000 What an asshole. 1.00

01:21:53.000 People are my favorite thing. 1.00

01:21:55.000 I love people.

01:21:56.000 Why would you live where there's no people? 1.00

01:21:58.000 What kind of a fucking piece of shit wants to live in a woodshed in the middle of nowhere? 1.00

01:22:04.000 Somebody wants to blow everybody up. 1.00

01:22:05.000 It's like that Ted Kaczynski guy.

01:22:07.000 That's how he lived.

01:22:08.000 Guy was a professor at Berkeley.

01:22:10.000 Decided to just move to the woods.

01:22:12.000 That was his house.

01:22:12.000 Look at that.

01:22:13.000 That's scary. 1.00

01:22:14.000 Fuck yeah, man. 1.00

01:22:16.000 You see that thing? 1.00

01:22:16.000 Light it on fire. 1.00

01:22:17.000 Take your chances.

01:22:19.000 Take your chances of escaping from the flames.

01:22:22.000 Light that house on fire. 1.00

01:22:23.000 Fuck that guy. 1.00

01:22:24.000 Looks like Ohio. 1.00

01:22:26.000 By the way, I don't mean that.

01:22:27.000 If you listen to this podcast right now in a tiny little shed in the middle of nowhere, this will always be my dream, man. 0.99

01:22:33.000 You're shitting on my dream. 0.98

01:22:34.000 I don't really mean that. 0.99

01:22:35.000 I'm just talking.

01:22:36.000 Relax.

01:22:37.000 Relax.

01:22:38.000 Sweet backpedal going on there. 1.00

01:22:39.000 But it's true, if you do live in the woods like that, there's a high possibility that you might be fucking crazy. 0.99

01:22:45.000 Or hiding from the law. 0.99

01:22:46.000 Yeah, or hiding from the law.

01:22:48.000 Actually, when you see people been out there for a long time, even if they didn't start out crazy, you go bush.

01:22:53.000 Right, now tell me this.

01:22:55.000 Do you take that in consideration when you think about this experience? 0.55

01:22:58.000 Like, you're like, man, did I fuck this up in my head?

01:23:00.000 Did I have no reference point because I was alone for too long out there?

01:23:04.000 And did I just give myself some sort of a jolt, like an extra emotional charge to my memory that may have distorted it, and as I repeated it over and over again in my memory, I might have twisted it a little bit and jumped it up or moved it side to side?

01:23:19.000 Or are you rock solid that that's exactly what happened?

01:23:24.000 Absolutely option one.

01:23:26.000 I haven't got a freaking clue. 0.52

01:23:27.000 I could have been messed up.

01:23:28.000 Absolutely agree with you.

01:23:30.000 I question all of those experiences I have when I'm out there.

01:23:33.000 That's very honest of you.

01:23:34.000 That's very honest of you.

01:23:35.000 I think that was a raven.

01:23:36.000 I think that was a squirrel.

01:23:38.000 That's a track I can't account for.

01:23:39.000 Those branches are just broken because of snow load.

01:23:42.000 These ones aren't broken because of snow load.

01:23:44.000 Just like that, I don't have a freaking clue.

01:23:45.000 I could be just mumbling.

01:23:47.000 And that was probably a freaky experience, but was that as freaky as being above the tiger?

01:23:54.000 What was more freaky?

01:23:56.000 Being above the tiger.

01:23:57.000 Yeah, I would imagine, right?

01:23:59.000 Because this is real.

01:24:00.000 It's as real as it gets.

01:24:02.000 100%.

01:24:02.000 Yeah, it's a confirmed animal.

01:24:04.000 Confirmed kills people.

01:24:05.000 I was going to say earlier about that place, the Sundarbans.

01:24:08.000 They've killed 300,000 people in the last 200 years.

01:24:12.000 Tigers are responsible for 300,000 confirmed deaths.

01:24:15.000 That's insane.

01:24:16.000 That's a lot.

01:24:17.000 That is a crazy number.

01:24:19.000 I listened to that in a documentary, and I'm like, that can't be true.

01:24:26.000 So then I went and I googled all these different sources, and that's essentially the number somewhere around there, somewhere between 200,000 and 300,000. 0.96

01:24:34.000 That's fucking insane, man. 0.98

01:24:36.000 That's insane. 0.99

01:24:38.000 Even if it's like, okay, 200 years. 0.99

01:24:40.000 Even if it's 200,000, Think about how many fucking people that is. 0.99

01:24:46.000 They're getting jacked by tigers. 1.00

01:24:48.000 That's a fucking pile of people, man. 1.00

01:24:51.000 If you're a pile of 200,000 people, oh my god, that's terrifying. 1.00

01:24:57.000 That's a thousand a year.

01:24:59.000 Tigers.

01:25:00.000 Hippos.

01:25:01.000 That's three a day.

01:25:02.000 Water buffalo.

01:25:03.000 Dude, that's three a day, right? 0.99

01:25:06.000 A thousand a year is like three a day or close to it in that neighborhood two to three a day every fucking day for 200 years. 0.99

01:25:14.000 Oh my god! 0.99

01:25:16.000 Oh my god! 1.00

01:25:18.000 Like fuck the wolf man, you know? 1.00

01:25:21.000 Fuck Bigfoot! 1.00

01:25:23.000 Tigers! 1.00

01:25:25.000 That's real! 0.90

01:25:27.000 What a crazy animal, man! 0.99

01:25:29.000 And we're like working really hard to make sure they stay alive so they can keep eating those Indians. 1.00

01:25:36.000 Fuck, man. 1.00

01:25:37.000 Indians have to be the nicest people ever. 1.00

01:25:39.000 They know the tigers are gonna eat them, and they still want to make sure their population's healthy.

01:25:45.000 Wow.

01:25:46.000 They must be the nicest people ever.

01:25:48.000 They are really nice people.

01:25:49.000 They must be.

01:25:50.000 Ones I know.

01:25:50.000 I mean, that's the only way it makes sense.

01:25:53.000 They actually fought very hard to make sure that the tigers are kept very safe and everything works out.

01:25:57.000 That's amazing.

01:25:59.000 Is that why they worship cows and let cows walk around the streets so that they are like bait?

01:26:02.000 I couldn't figure out that one at all.

01:26:04.000 That's actually smart.

01:26:06.000 That's actually smart.

01:26:07.000 Cows are way easier to get than people with guns.

01:26:10.000 Get away from me.

01:26:12.000 The whole thing is bananas.

01:26:14.000 The fact that they starve, but they won't eat the cows, and then the fact that they want the...

01:26:18.000 How did they develop this unusual perspective?

01:26:21.000 Have you been over there?

01:26:22.000 No.

01:26:23.000 No, I have not.

01:26:24.000 Pot grows in profuse amounts all over the roads everywhere.

01:26:29.000 Yeah, you can get it down the street at a store.

01:26:30.000 They weigh it for you, they measure it. 0.99

01:26:32.000 You don't have to go to fucking India and pluck it. 0.99

01:26:34.000 I'm talking about you pull up into your driveway, and on either side of your driveway is like a field of pot. 0.99

01:26:39.000 It's bizarre.

01:26:40.000 How much pot do you need? 0.83

01:26:40.000 To grow it indoors, and I can't get rid of it. 0.83

01:26:43.000 I'm trying to hand it out to people.

01:26:44.000 A quarter lasts me a week.

01:26:45.000 It's everywhere.

01:26:45.000 Jesus Christ.

01:26:46.000 You don't need pot to be growing everywhere.

01:26:48.000 Come to India. 0.99

01:26:49.000 Avoid the tigers, but stay for the weed.

01:26:52.000 There's weed everywhere, man.

01:26:54.000 This is California.

01:26:55.000 You don't have to go to India for weed. 0.99

01:26:57.000 That's ridiculous. 0.98

01:26:59.000 That's a poor plan Go for the people that makes sense. 0.93

01:27:03.000 I would like to go just a true I would really love to experience like what it's like to talk to a real guru I know I goof on a lot of those dudes those yogis and those what's a real guru?

01:27:16.000 I don't know man.

01:27:17.000 I think like all things There's got to be someone that's doing it right.

01:27:21.000 It's probably insanely difficult to be like a real yogi, like a real master who's really like a sadhu, some dude who just smokes hash all day and meditates and goes into poses.

01:27:35.000 I was with a sadhu in India last week.

01:27:36.000 Well, that's what they do, right?

01:27:37.000 It was intense.

01:27:39.000 It went and, yeah.

01:27:40.000 I would like to talk to one of those real dudes who's really out there doing it.

01:27:44.000 He's not doing publicity tours or trying to sell books.

01:27:47.000 He doesn't have a podcast.

01:27:48.000 He's just out there smoking hash and stretching.

01:27:51.000 So what do you think about that guy who's living off nothing?

01:27:54.000 No food?

01:27:55.000 No water? 1.00

01:27:56.000 It's bullshit. 1.00

01:27:57.000 100%. 1.00

01:27:57.000 Okay. 1.00

01:27:58.000 He's a bullshit artist. 1.00

01:27:59.000 That guy's nuts. 1.00

01:28:00.000 That's why you know about him. 0.99

01:28:01.000 The reason why you know about him is he's telling me, I don't eat, I don't drink, I just take in the sun. 1.00

01:28:06.000 Fuck outta here. 1.00

01:28:08.000 Shut up. 1.00

01:28:09.000 I went to this guy's I went to this guy's office to film an episode of the sci-fi show and as I walked in, the thing that he supposedly could do turned out to be bullshit. 1.00

01:28:19.000 But as we walked in, he has this A picture of this Indian guy, this man from India, and he has white paint all over his face. 0.95

01:28:27.000 And he has no shirt on.

01:28:28.000 He's like this weird dress.

01:28:30.000 He's wearing these weird clothes he's dressed in.

01:28:32.000 And I say, who's that guy?

01:28:34.000 He goes, oh, well, he has actually achieved the highest state of enlightenment, and he has existed without water or food for the past 13 years.

01:28:42.000 I go, no, he hasn't.

01:28:45.000 No, he hasn't.

01:28:45.000 Why is he fat?

01:28:47.000 He's still fat?

01:28:48.000 He's still fat, and he doesn't eat, and he just... 1.00

01:28:49.000 Get the fuck out of here, man. 1.00

01:28:51.000 And then I was like, I can't believe I'm at this guy's office. 1.00

01:28:53.000 I'm going to listen to some bullshit thing. 0.99

01:28:56.000 You can't say a guy has lived without food for 13 years. 1.00

01:28:59.000 Put that motherfucker in one of those David Blaine boxes, and let's watch him. 1.00

01:29:04.000 Let's watch him for a few years. 1.00

01:29:06.000 Come on, let me see how long it takes before you starve to death. 1.00

01:29:09.000 You fuckhead! 1.00

01:29:10.000 You can't just say that! 1.00

01:29:12.000 Did you hear about the Aghoris?

01:29:13.000 You ever read about the Aghoris?

01:29:14.000 What is that?

01:29:15.000 In India?

01:29:15.000 These are the high, enlightened, next level from sadhus sort of thing.

01:29:21.000 And they live off eating the dead people that are in the Ganga River.

01:29:27.000 Oh my god!

01:29:28.000 They'll go down and they'll eat the bodies. 0.98

01:29:31.000 Just Google Ligori.

01:29:32.000 Google Ligori and A-G-H-O-R-I, I think. 0.98

01:29:38.000 And they practice necrophilia.

01:29:41.000 Oh, my God.

01:29:42.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:29:43.000 They fuck the dead bodies? 1.00

01:29:44.000 They do. 1.00

01:29:44.000 Oh, my God. 1.00

01:29:45.000 And this is part of all the sort of states of enlightenment. 0.98

01:29:48.000 They're in the eat excrement. 0.97

01:29:49.000 They'll drink urine. 0.94

01:29:50.000 They just live this way.

01:29:52.000 The rule of their thumb is accept the unacceptable.

01:29:56.000 Wow.

01:29:57.000 It's insane.

01:29:57.000 So they're just trying to smash taboos?

01:30:01.000 Yeah, well, it's all about connecting with Shiva, and if you do this, you're denying the self, and blah, blah, blah, blah.

01:30:06.000 What?

01:30:06.000 It's intense.

01:30:07.000 The cannibal monks of Varanasi. 0.75

01:30:10.000 Varanasi, yeah.

01:30:11.000 Indian tribe feast on human flesh, drink from skulls, and live among the dead. 1.00

01:30:15.000 Whoa.

01:30:16.000 That's not, like, a fun...

01:30:19.000 Headline.

01:30:19.000 They do it.

01:30:20.000 They're there and they do it.

01:30:21.000 Did you encounter these people?

01:30:23.000 I saw one sort of walking through the street kind of thing. 1.00

01:30:26.000 What the fuck, man? 1.00

01:30:27.000 They eat the dead? 1.00

01:30:28.000 And that's a natural practice for them?

01:30:31.000 Yeah.

01:30:31.000 And what's the thought behind it?

01:30:34.000 That they're taking in the worst of the sins of all and that sort of they can connect with Shiva much stronger because of that because it's not affecting them.

01:30:44.000 What are they wearing all over them? 0.99

01:30:45.000 Is that white paint?

01:30:46.000 Ash.

01:30:46.000 Ash from the dead bodies.

01:30:47.000 Oh my god.

01:30:49.000 So they take the ash from the dead bodies and they smear it all over themselves?

01:30:53.000 Yeah, while they're finishing off the leg bone.

01:30:55.000 Oh my god.

01:30:56.000 And then they just meditate and they do yoga.

01:30:59.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:31:00.000 What in the fuck? 1.00

01:31:02.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:31:03.000 Jesus Christ.

01:31:04.000 That guy's got like blood in his beard.

01:31:06.000 Is that what that is?

01:31:08.000 Maybe.

01:31:09.000 Ah!

01:31:10.000 Artifact of the camera.

01:31:11.000 Shitty.

01:31:12.000 Joe, when they ate people in Walking Dead, don't lie, that made you a little hungry for steak though, right?

01:31:17.000 When you're just chewing that big piece of meat.

01:31:20.000 It looked good.

01:31:21.000 No, it looked like he was eating something that wasn't a person.

01:31:24.000 Right.

01:31:26.000 Maybe a person is good.

01:31:27.000 Yeah.

01:31:28.000 Hollywood special effects. 0.98

01:31:29.000 People supposedly taste like pig. 0.99

01:31:31.000 Cannibals would call them long pig. 0.95

01:31:33.000 Like, long pig is an expression for human meat. 0.98

01:31:37.000 Apparently, we taste a lot like pigs.

01:31:40.000 Really weird, man. 0.87

01:31:42.000 It's really weird.

01:31:43.000 Cannibalism freaks people out, rightly so.

01:31:45.000 Like, seeing that, that was a very bizarre video.

01:31:47.000 Or a very bizarre series of images.

01:31:50.000 Looking at those people, knowing those people have eaten bodies.

01:31:53.000 Yeah.

01:31:53.000 Something about looking at someone that you know eats bodies.

01:31:56.000 Yeah, and they don't eat bodies because they're in a plane crash and they have to do it to survive.

01:32:00.000 They eat the bodies because that's just what they eat. 0.99

01:32:02.000 Do they kill?

01:32:04.000 No.

01:32:05.000 No.

01:32:05.000 Absolutely not.

01:32:06.000 Absolutely not.

01:32:07.000 In fact, people come to them to be healed.

01:32:13.000 What's their breath like?

01:32:16.000 Must be insanely bad.

01:32:18.000 Do they brush?

01:32:19.000 Floss?

01:32:19.000 Anything?

01:32:20.000 Well, if they floss...

01:32:21.000 They use human hair.

01:32:22.000 Exactly.

01:32:23.000 They floss with human hair. 0.92

01:32:24.000 Now, these people that they get from the river, they're people that drowned or something like that?

01:32:29.000 No, no, no.

01:32:30.000 You know how they always cremate their dead down by the river and then they leave them floating along in a burning raft sort of thing?

01:32:38.000 Said to collect these remains, use them for spiritual enlightenment, wearing costumes...

01:32:43.000 Oh, wearing the corpses, consuming them, or building altars from them.

01:32:48.000 What?

01:32:49.000 They're parading a dead body through the street.

01:32:52.000 Oh my god, they wear the corpses?

01:32:54.000 Wear them?

01:32:55.000 Like what, tie them to their body?

01:32:59.000 See if you can find something where a dude's wearing one of the corpses. 0.86

01:33:02.000 That's pretty sick.

01:33:04.000 That was weird, man.

01:33:07.000 Just seeing them walk down with that body, knowing they have little rituals they do with their bodies.

01:33:12.000 What we do is weird too, right? 0.93

01:33:14.000 How's embalming any fucking less creepy than that? 0.81

01:33:19.000 Embalming's creepy. 0.98

01:33:20.000 It's super creepy. 0.90

01:33:21.000 Yeah, I'd rather be burned or blown up. 0.98

01:33:24.000 It'd be cool to be blown up. 0.59

01:33:25.000 Joey Diaz had a friend and they knew someone who died, like a young lady, and the parents showed up at the funeral parlor And the guy came back from doing something with the body, and he was sweaty,

01:33:41.000 and he was out of breath. 0.98

01:33:43.000 And they were thinking that this guy might have fucked their dead daughter. 1.00

01:33:47.000 Like, this is a possibility. 1.00

01:33:49.000 I'm pretty sure Joey told me this story.

01:33:51.000 And they saw this guy sweating and heaving, and there was this weird feeling in the air.

01:33:55.000 And then they found that out a few times.

01:33:58.000 There's been quite a few times your guys got busted doing that.

01:34:01.000 Oh, it happens a lot.

01:34:02.000 Oh, my God, it must.

01:34:04.000 It must. 1.00

01:34:04.000 Especially with people that are really fucked up in the head, and then on top of being fucked up in the head, they somehow or another get a job where they have access to dead bodies. 1.00

01:34:14.000 They get super comfortable around being around dead bodies. 1.00

01:34:17.000 And you just look at this warm tit from some chick who got shot in the head five hours ago. 1.00

01:34:21.000 You're like, this is a fucker. 1.00

01:34:22.000 Who knows what? 1.00

01:34:23.000 Yeah, you get seen from a Tarantino movie. 1.00

01:34:27.000 Goddamn, man. 0.99

01:34:29.000 That's people, man. 0.99

01:34:30.000 There's a lot of people out there that are like that.

01:34:33.000 Messed up.

01:34:34.000 But to see that, man, to see that there's a whole culture based on somehow or another's...

01:34:38.000 That was bizarre.

01:34:39.000 And there is a whole culture based on it.

01:34:41.000 It's not like there's three people.

01:34:42.000 There's like lots of them. 0.99

01:34:44.000 And they have sex with the corpses. 1.00

01:34:45.000 And they have sex with the corpses. 1.00

01:34:47.000 And they consume them. 1.00

01:34:47.000 They wear them. 1.00

01:34:49.000 They're just trying to break all taboos, right?

01:34:51.000 Is that what they're trying to do?

01:34:52.000 Yeah.

01:34:52.000 Accept the unacceptable.

01:34:53.000 What is he doing?

01:34:54.000 Drinking from the skull?

01:34:55.000 Oh my god.

01:34:57.000 Jesus Christ.

01:34:58.000 What is he drinking? 1.00

01:35:03.000 Oh, just a fucking Jesus Christ, son. 1.00

01:35:06.000 Where's your father? 1.00

01:35:10.000 That's so weird, man.

01:35:11.000 That was bizarre.

01:35:12.000 It's a bizarre cultural movie.

01:35:13.000 But it's, look at it, it's like, it's so weird.

01:35:15.000 Like, look behind him.

01:35:16.000 You have that...

01:35:17.000 Was that a Buddha or Shiva?

01:35:18.000 Shiva.

01:35:19.000 Shiva image behind him.

01:35:21.000 So you're, you know, you're dealing with someone who's practicing.

01:35:24.000 But you might go, like, you might go to be cured of something from this guy and he would, like, they swear they have the cures to everything.

01:35:30.000 I've got news for you. 1.00

01:35:31.000 That guy with his head filled with shit and urine. 1.00

01:35:34.000 Take aspirin. 1.00

01:35:35.000 Go to CVS and take some aspirin.

01:35:38.000 We need more tigers, definitely. 0.93

01:35:40.000 I agree. 1.00

01:35:40.000 Yeah, tigers to take those assholes out. 1.00

01:35:42.000 Yes, absolutely. 1.00

01:35:44.000 How many of those people get killed a year by tigers?

01:35:46.000 Probably none. 1.00

01:35:47.000 What we need to do is get Bigfoot and the tiger together in the octagon and see who's the king of the goddamn forest. 0.99

01:35:53.000 My money's on tiger. 0.97

01:35:54.000 Yeah, I take tiger over Bigfoot all day. 0.96

01:35:58.000 When was the last time Bigfoot jumped 14 feet through the air to bitch slap somebody? 0.85

01:36:03.000 Yeah. 0.77

01:36:03.000 See what that tiger can do? 0.77

01:36:04.000 Mm-hmm.

01:36:05.000 How many Sasquatch do you actually estimate are up there?

01:36:09.000 I don't estimate anything like that.

01:36:12.000 Do you think there's any?

01:36:13.000 Do I think there's any?

01:36:14.000 Any.

01:36:15.000 I think that the possibility of something exists. 0.97

01:36:18.000 What the fuck it is, I don't know. 0.97

01:36:19.000 Okay, if you had a guess though, if I gave you, if we said, listen, this is the lottery right now, this is the world lottery, you got two choices. 0.99

01:36:28.000 One side is...

01:36:31.000 Yes, this is a real animal.

01:36:33.000 It exists.

01:36:34.000 One side is no.

01:36:35.000 You've got to push all your chips on one side.

01:36:37.000 Which way are you going to go?

01:36:39.000 I'd go yes.

01:36:41.000 I'm going no.

01:36:42.000 All day.

01:36:43.000 All day like this.

01:36:45.000 I'll take that.

01:36:45.000 I'll take it.

01:36:45.000 You know why?

01:36:46.000 Because even though they did find the hobbit bones, they did find this fanged vampire deer, it just seems like...

01:36:58.000 All those things are, like, way more possible than Bigfoot.

01:37:01.000 For whatever reason, Bigfoot feels, and I know this isn't logical.

01:37:06.000 This isn't scientific. 1.00

01:37:07.000 It feels like bullshit. 1.00

01:37:10.000 There's so much bullshit attached to it. 1.00

01:37:12.000 You already nailed it, though. 1.00

01:37:12.000 Feelings aren't fact, and that's all you... 1.00

01:37:15.000 Someone's a little defensive.

01:37:16.000 See that?

01:37:17.000 No, because on both sides, both sides...

01:37:19.000 Got nothing.

01:37:20.000 You're right.

01:37:21.000 Well, that's not totally true because the absence of evidence doesn't necessarily mean there's evidence, but...

01:37:30.000 The fact that there's, like, zero evidence would lead the...

01:37:36.000 Not real.

01:37:37.000 Anecdotal references don't count? 1.00

01:37:38.000 That doesn't count, because people are full of shit. 1.00

01:37:40.000 And this is the most hilarious one. 1.00

01:37:42.000 The Patterson footage.

01:37:43.000 Gee, that looks real. 1.00

01:37:45.000 The fuck out of here. 1.00

01:37:47.000 That's so dumb. 1.00

01:37:49.000 The fact that scientists actually examined that thing for decades. 0.98

01:37:53.000 Well, I believe the gate, perhaps, could be a very unusually shaped person, but my money...

01:37:59.000 Son of a Sasquatch.

01:38:01.000 Not a dude with a monkey suit on with football pads on.

01:38:05.000 No, no, no, no, no.

01:38:07.000 Unknown monkey.

01:38:09.000 For sure.

01:38:10.000 Unknown monkey.

01:38:12.000 I don't know.

01:38:13.000 It could be real.

01:38:14.000 I would tell you what I would be most happy.

01:38:17.000 Most happy if it was real.

01:38:18.000 I don't know why, but if they did find Bigfoot, it would probably be next to my daughter's birth, probably be the happiest day of my life.

01:38:26.000 You know what?

01:38:27.000 I'll tell you why. 0.95

01:38:27.000 I want two lesbian Bigfoots. 0.95

01:38:29.000 I'll tell you why. 0.90

01:38:30.000 Because you know what?

01:38:31.000 Because it means there's still freaking magic in the world.

01:38:34.000 That's why.

01:38:34.000 If it's real, there's a lot of magic going on.

01:38:37.000 There's some cool shit going on out there. 0.98

01:38:38.000 Okay, Narnia. 0.98

01:38:42.000 Don't rag on me for the wrong word.

01:38:44.000 Okay, hang on a second.

01:38:45.000 Magic in the world.

01:38:48.000 Episode 78 of Come to Me Bigfoot.

01:38:51.000 There's magic still in the world. 0.99

01:38:55.000 Bigfoot's magic dick. 1.00

01:38:57.000 There's cool shit still. 1.00

01:38:58.000 Yeah, well, there's a lot of cool shit that's alive. 0.96

01:39:01.000 That's one of my main points about all this. 0.95

01:39:03.000 You're right.

01:39:03.000 Why do we need something unknown to get us so excited about biology?

01:39:08.000 When there's things like that shoe build, that thing is fucking bizarrely evil looking... 0.96

01:39:14.000 Real, giant, prehistoric bird. 0.98

01:39:17.000 It doesn't fly.

01:39:18.000 Because Bigfoot is closer to us than we think, right?

01:39:22.000 Look at that thing. 1.00

01:39:24.000 Look at that motherfucker. 1.00

01:39:26.000 Jesus Christ, that thing's evil. 1.00

01:39:27.000 If you're going for Cool Factor...

01:39:29.000 That thing is so crazy!

01:39:31.000 If you didn't know that was a real animal, and you said, look at this evil thing in this new Hobbit movie.

01:39:37.000 One of the things that attacks the Hobbit are five-foot-tall birds that don't fly, and they're predatory, and they have a giant bill that's like the size of...

01:39:45.000 That's like, I mean, what is that thing?

01:39:47.000 Two feet long?

01:39:48.000 They're bills? 1.00

01:39:49.000 Get the fuck out of here. 0.99

01:39:50.000 It looks exactly like that Dark Crystal creature. 0.99

01:39:53.000 Remember that creature from the Dark Crystal?

01:39:55.000 Yeah.

01:39:55.000 It looks exactly like that.

01:39:57.000 Well, you know, that's one of the things that they know existed in North America, this terror bird, that put that to shame.

01:40:04.000 That's like a five foot tall version of this terror bird.

01:40:07.000 It was even bigger, with an even bigger beak.

01:40:10.000 And they didn't even find out about that thing until, I want to say like 20 or 30 years ago, they started discovering the fossils.

01:40:16.000 I don't, I might be wrong, but I don't think it was that long ago.

01:40:20.000 Jamie, do the research, please.

01:40:21.000 That's why I said what I did. 0.99

01:40:22.000 Look at the size of that fucking thing. 0.99

01:40:23.000 Look at the picture of that thing next to a person. 1.00

01:40:25.000 Joe, that is cool as shit, right? 0.96

01:40:27.000 I like how it's next to a soldier. 1.00

01:40:29.000 What the fuck is that? 1.00

01:40:31.000 They gotta fucking hunt them. 1.00

01:40:32.000 They gotta hunt them, man. 1.00

01:40:33.000 The size of that goddamn thing. 1.00

01:40:36.000 What the fuck? 1.00

01:40:37.000 That was that big? 1.00

01:40:39.000 How tall is that dude?

01:40:40.000 Is that Bobby Lee?

01:40:42.000 How tall is that dude?

01:40:43.000 It's actually an army soldier from Toy Story.

01:40:46.000 Six foot tall?

01:40:47.000 Doesn't say.

01:40:48.000 Well, it represents the average person, which I believe the average male in America is like 5'10".

01:40:53.000 So think about how God- Look how big it is!

01:40:55.000 Next to a Volkswagen! 1.00

01:40:57.000 What the fuck, man? 1.00

01:40:59.000 Could you imagine you step out of your back porch and you see something bigger than a fucking moose, and it's just a giant bird? 1.00

01:41:08.000 It's predatory? 0.99

01:41:09.000 And he owns a Volkswagen Beetle?

01:41:10.000 What do they eat? 1.00

01:41:12.000 What the fuck do they eat? 1.00

01:41:13.000 Anything they want. 1.00

01:41:15.000 Yeah, what do they eat? 1.00

01:41:17.000 I mean, that must be a fucking hungry bitch! 1.00

01:41:22.000 Look at the size of that thing! 1.00

01:41:24.000 To keep that much mass?

01:41:26.000 Oh my god.

01:41:28.000 It says 180 kilograms, which is, what is that?

01:41:30.000 400 pounds?

01:41:31.000 300 and something pounds?

01:41:32.000 400 kilograms is 2.2 pounds per kilogram, so 400 kilograms is more than 800 pounds.

01:41:40.000 Is it 8-8, right?

01:41:42.000 8,000 pounds.

01:41:43.000 1,000 pounds.

01:41:46.000 Yeah, for 400 kilograms.

01:41:48.000 Somewhere around.

01:41:48.000 In the neighborhood, right?

01:41:51.000 What the fuck? 1.00

01:41:51.000 A thousand pound bird that just runs around biting people. 1.00

01:41:55.000 And then this other thing is smaller, but it looks bigger.

01:41:58.000 Why does it look bigger?

01:41:59.000 Three meters tall.

01:42:00.000 But why is it...

01:42:01.000 Why do they...

01:42:01.000 It's taller.

01:42:02.000 It's taller.

01:42:03.000 Taller and thinner.

01:42:03.000 But it doesn't have as much mass.

01:42:05.000 Oh, okay.

01:42:05.000 Well, I'm scared of the one on the left now.

01:42:07.000 That fucking ruthless bitch. 1.00

01:42:08.000 Why is he so much heavier? 1.00

01:42:09.000 He's wearing twice as heavy.

01:42:11.000 And the other one's taller.

01:42:12.000 The one on the right, if you looked at those, you would say, which one's heavier?

01:42:15.000 Probably the one on the right, right?

01:42:16.000 I'm more scared of the one on the right just because of its beak.

01:42:18.000 That looks pretty damaging.

01:42:20.000 Looks like a pterodactyl.

01:42:22.000 Or not a...

01:42:23.000 The thing from Jurassic Park.

01:42:24.000 That one looks so predatory that the reason why it's so thin is because it eats so much that it burns calories while it's eating.

01:42:31.000 It's killing you and burning your calories.

01:42:33.000 It's constantly being a state of murder. 1.00

01:42:35.000 Just to fuel that fucking face. 1.00

01:42:38.000 Look at that thing growing off of its head. 1.00

01:42:41.000 Imagine...

01:42:44.000 You got a giant hatchet.

01:42:46.000 Big bolt cutters.

01:42:47.000 That murders.

01:42:48.000 Look at that dude's belt. 0.87

01:42:50.000 And you're nine feet tall.

01:42:51.000 And you weigh, whatever it is, 300 pounds.

01:42:55.000 300 plus pounds.

01:42:56.000 360?

01:42:57.000 What is that?

01:42:57.000 What's 180?

01:42:58.000 What's 180 kilograms? 1.00

01:43:04.000 What the fuck? 1.00

01:43:06.000 500 fucking pounds. 1.00

01:43:08.000 Bird. 1.00

01:43:09.000 Biting you.

01:43:11.000 Look in its eyes. 0.62

01:43:13.000 No mercy.

01:43:14.000 Nothing.

01:43:14.000 No emotions.

01:43:16.000 Just dead.

01:43:16.000 Like you're looking into a mirror.

01:43:18.000 Just dead as it's eating your asshole. 1.00

01:43:22.000 Alerts its babies that it found one. 1.00

01:43:24.000 Why is it eating your asshole? 1.00

01:43:26.000 Because they do. 1.00

01:43:26.000 Animals start asshole first. 1.00

01:43:28.000 You know that as much as I do, right? 1.00

01:43:30.000 It's a tongue asshole. 1.00

01:43:31.000 They start with your asshole. 1.00

01:43:32.000 That's one of the things that coyotes do that's so horrific. 1.00

01:43:34.000 When you find deer that are still half alive, their bottom end is eaten away. 0.99

01:43:40.000 They eat their asshole and their legs, and oftentimes they're still alive. 0.98

01:43:44.000 They think there might be some, like, advantages to killing animals that way and keeping them alive because it preserves the meat for a little bit longer than if they just went right to the neck. 0.99

01:43:53.000 Because, like, this guy that I was up in BC with, he was a moose hunter, so they came across this moose that had been alive for days, and these wolves were eating it for days.

01:44:02.000 It was still alive, and they would just eat its legs. 0.97

01:44:05.000 It was just tearing at its asshole, and they were eating its back legs. 1.00

01:44:09.000 And the moose couldn't get up. 0.99

01:44:11.000 It couldn't get away.

01:44:11.000 They were keeping it there.

01:44:13.000 But like half of his back end was gone and he was still alive. 1.00

01:44:18.000 Fuck, nature. 1.00

01:44:19.000 You scary bitch. 1.00

01:44:20.000 That's scary as fuck. 1.00

01:44:21.000 You scary bitch, nature. 1.00

01:44:23.000 And there you are, sleeping in trees. 1.00

01:44:25.000 Sleeping in the middle of it.

01:44:26.000 And there was a deer that happened to in India when we were there.

01:44:30.000 The local dogs had taken it.

01:44:32.000 All they did was they broke its hind legs, and then they backed off and they let it sit there.

01:44:37.000 Oh, my God.

01:44:37.000 Two broken back legs, and we just looked at us like, oh, man, oh, man.

01:44:41.000 And they just started eating it.

01:44:42.000 You know the dogs were going to either rip it apart that night, or the tigers were going to come down and take it, or the leopards.

01:44:47.000 Woo! 0.99

01:44:48.000 So yeah, I'm still out there doing it.

01:44:49.000 I'm still out there sleeping in those places.

01:44:52.000 Now, why are you still doing this?

01:44:53.000 Because you don't have to still do this.

01:44:55.000 You can do anything you want.

01:44:56.000 I'm actually in a better mood doing it now than I was a couple of years ago.

01:44:59.000 I'm kind of enjoying it.

01:45:00.000 I came back on this season like a swan song.

01:45:02.000 Like, let's have some fun.

01:45:03.000 Let's enjoy this.

01:45:04.000 I'm going to cool places.

01:45:05.000 Mongolia.

01:45:06.000 What are you going to do in Mongolia?

01:45:07.000 Survivor, man.

01:45:08.000 Whoa.

01:45:09.000 Tonga, India.

01:45:10.000 Some beautiful, amazing places, so...

01:45:12.000 Have you seen that new tribe that they found in Mongolia that rides on caribou?

01:45:17.000 They have like tame caribou and they ride them around.

01:45:21.000 It's crazy.

01:45:22.000 They use animals to hunt.

01:45:24.000 They've trained wolves and they've trained eagles to hunt for them.

01:45:28.000 You know, they've known that they've been able to do that for a while, like, trained golden eagles to, like, take out smaller animals.

01:45:34.000 They take out deer.

01:45:35.000 But this tribe, they have domesticated caribou.

01:45:38.000 They've domesticated reindeer.

01:45:40.000 Yep.

01:45:40.000 That's been around for a while.

01:45:41.000 It's wild, man.

01:45:42.000 They ride them around like they're horses.

01:45:45.000 It's like, and that's in Mongolia.

01:45:47.000 Yep.

01:45:49.000 That's a crazy part of the world, man.

01:45:50.000 Yeah.

01:45:51.000 That's why I'm really enjoying this season.

01:45:52.000 I'm going to places I haven't been before.

01:45:54.000 Is it like...

01:45:55.000 There's a guy.

01:45:56.000 Look at that.

01:45:57.000 That's a woman, I believe.

01:45:58.000 That's so cool.

01:45:58.000 Look at that.

01:45:59.000 She's riding a caribou like it's a fucking horse. 1.00

01:46:02.000 Is it welcome like like you're doing one thing that it's like man am I wasting my time like what is this like what I can need to see something But the other hand if you did find something if you were up there and you got great footage of this fucking big monkey Bounding between two or three trees just looking at you and saying fuck he got me Holy shit If we were like, 0.99

01:46:30.000 we weren't crazy, these 200 different Native American names for this animal, it wasn't crazy. 0.96

01:46:34.000 People want to know that that thing's real or that isn't real. 0.99

01:46:38.000 Like, I fuck around and I joke around about it not being real, but the reality is I don't fucking know. 0.99

01:46:43.000 We really don't know. 0.99

01:46:44.000 There's too many people that have said that there's something up there.

01:46:48.000 Doesn't mean that there's something up there. 0.98

01:46:50.000 It means the woods are scary, they're dense, it gets dark out, people make shit up, people know that other people made shit up, they hear their stories, they think, what if they're real? 0.99

01:46:58.000 I think I might have saw it too. 0.99

01:46:59.000 And then it builds up in your mind.

01:47:00.000 That's possible too.

01:47:02.000 But it's also possible there's a giant, undiscovered primate.

01:47:07.000 If anybody catches it, I hope it's you.

01:47:09.000 I'll let you know.

01:47:10.000 Not Dean Cain.

01:47:11.000 Bring it in first.

01:47:13.000 He doesn't deserve it.

01:47:14.000 Let's mix Loch Ness with Bigfoot.

01:47:17.000 What if Bigfoot lived underwater and that's where he hid out?

01:47:20.000 There's no water up there. 1.00

01:47:21.000 That's a stupid idea. 1.00

01:47:23.000 Shot down in flames. 1.00

01:47:25.000 That doesn't work.

01:47:26.000 It's not like he lives near a lake.

01:47:28.000 You know what they believe on that show River Monsters?

01:47:32.000 You know that River Monsters show?

01:47:33.000 They think they figured out what the Lake Champlain monster is.

01:47:37.000 They think it's a sturgeon.

01:47:38.000 An enormous sturgeon.

01:47:41.000 Because apparently there are sturgeons there and they've caught sturgeons.

01:47:43.000 And sturgeons get enormous.

01:47:47.000 Huge, yeah.

01:47:48.000 Enormous.

01:47:48.000 Have you ever seen a sturgeon?

01:47:50.000 Oh my god.

01:47:51.000 I saw one in real life the other day.

01:47:52.000 I saw one in Mexico that someone had caught. 1.00

01:47:55.000 Fuck, dude. 1.00

01:47:56.000 That's a big goddamn fish. 1.00

01:47:58.000 The one I saw was small, but they had him on the show, that Jeremy, whatever his name is, that gentleman who runs River Monsters, that goes fishing, that guy's legit, right? 0.99

01:48:06.000 Yeah.

01:48:07.000 He doesn't seem to have any fuckery on his shows. 0.55

01:48:09.000 He was in Lake Champlain, and they had a photo of this thing from overhead, and it looked exactly like a giant sturgeon. 0.84

01:48:15.000 You're talking like a 16-foot-long sturgeon.

01:48:18.000 Like, they really get that big.

01:48:19.000 They do.

01:48:20.000 And they look like a dinosaur.

01:48:23.000 Prehistoric animal.

01:48:24.000 That's a sturgeon. 0.94

01:48:25.000 Okay, yes.

01:48:27.000 That's a pretty big one.

01:48:28.000 See, look at that.

01:48:29.000 That's a Lake Champlain sturgeon.

01:48:30.000 So someone caught that in Lake Champlain.

01:48:34.000 I believe that's what that's saying.

01:48:35.000 Is that what that's saying?

01:48:36.000 And they get way bigger.

01:48:37.000 Is that what it's saying?

01:48:38.000 Okay, so these are absolutely real sturgeon they've caught in Lake Champlain.

01:48:43.000 Those aren't that big.

01:48:44.000 I mean, that's probably like five feet long or something like that.

01:48:46.000 That one, maybe the other one was a little bit bigger.

01:48:48.000 But they believe that there's some enormous ones in there.

01:48:51.000 And I think that that river monster's guy...

01:48:53.000 Look at that one that that guy's got in his arm.

01:48:55.000 Look at that one right there. 0.85

01:48:56.000 That's not a sturgeon.

01:48:57.000 That's a pike. 1.00

01:48:58.000 The one next to it.

01:48:59.000 The one right next to it, if you go down.

01:49:01.000 Look at that. 0.99

01:49:02.000 That's a big fucking fish, man. 1.00

01:49:05.000 That's a big fish. 1.00

01:49:06.000 That's like a person.

01:49:07.000 It's a person fish.

01:49:08.000 But the really big ones.

01:49:11.000 If you take a photo of giant sturgeon, or Google giant sturgeon, and you'll get an image of what they look like at their very biggest thing.

01:49:18.000 16 feet long?

01:49:19.000 Yeah, they're an enormous, prehistoric fish.

01:49:23.000 The only, like, the gar is the only one that's creepier.

01:49:26.000 The alligator gar.

01:49:27.000 The gars are creepy, aren't they?

01:49:28.000 God, they're creepy.

01:49:29.000 I've always said that.

01:49:30.000 They have, like, armor.

01:49:31.000 Their bodies covered in armor.

01:49:32.000 Look at that. 1.00

01:49:33.000 Look at the fucking size of that thing. 1.00

01:49:36.000 Holy shit. 1.00

01:49:39.000 That's a painting. 0.99

01:49:42.000 Looks like a pain to me. 1.00

01:49:43.000 Does your dick ever fall asleep on these chairs, Jeff? 1.00

01:49:45.000 Does that look real? 1.00

01:49:45.000 Your dick's asleep? 1.00

01:49:46.000 Your dick's checked out, dude. 1.00

01:49:48.000 It's tired of what you've been doing to it. 1.00

01:49:50.000 It's like, we're done, dude.

01:49:51.000 We're going numb.

01:49:52.000 Next thing you know, we're gonna tie ourselves and not hang ourselves while you're sleeping.

01:49:57.000 See, is that the biggest one you could find?

01:49:59.000 Oh my god!

01:50:00.000 Oh my god!

01:50:01.000 Look at that thing! 0.99

01:50:03.000 It's huge. 1.00

01:50:04.000 Holy fuck! 1.00

01:50:07.000 What is that? 1.00

01:50:08.000 10 feet long?

01:50:09.000 That's probably 10 feet long, right?

01:50:11.000 Less if you had a guess.

01:50:13.000 Nine.

01:50:13.000 Nine?

01:50:14.000 Look at these conservatives.

01:50:15.000 Love them. 1.00

01:50:17.000 Yeah, fucking Christ, man. 1.00

01:50:19.000 78 years old, he catches a huge 350 pound sturgeon in British Columbia. 1.00

01:50:25.000 That's where he was. 1.00

01:50:28.000 Look at that goddamn thing. 0.99

01:50:30.000 So heavy, it towed his boat for half an hour. 1.00

01:50:33.000 Oh my god.

01:50:35.000 Before the pensioner was able to pull...

01:50:37.000 Hey, he's a guy.

01:50:38.000 Leave him alone.

01:50:38.000 Just because he's old.

01:50:40.000 You gotta pull out the fact that he's on his pension. 1.00

01:50:43.000 Fuck off. 1.00

01:50:44.000 Try to diminish the man's achievement. 1.00

01:50:46.000 He created...

01:50:47.000 Starbuck.

01:50:49.000 What'd you say?

01:50:50.000 Starbucks?

01:50:50.000 That's his last name.

01:50:52.000 Is that his last name?

01:50:52.000 Yeah, he created Starbucks.

01:50:53.000 Mr. Starbuck.

01:50:55.000 Look at the size of that thing.

01:50:57.000 So those alligator gars, pull up a giant alligator gar. 1.00

01:51:01.000 I think these are even more creepy.

01:51:03.000 Because sturgeons, I don't think they eat much meat.

01:51:05.000 They eat like little fish and whatever. 0.96

01:51:07.000 They suck off the bottom, right? 0.70

01:51:08.000 Isn't that the deal with them? 1.00

01:51:09.000 They're the bottom feeders. 1.00

01:51:10.000 Bottom feeders.

01:51:11.000 But alligator gars, they look way more predatory.

01:51:15.000 Look at that picture of the mouth down there. 1.00

01:51:17.000 Fuck! 1.00

01:51:18.000 There's one above that, Jamie. 1.00

01:51:20.000 Or where was it?

01:51:21.000 Go back to those other images.

01:51:25.000 There's one- no, there's a better one.

01:51:26.000 The guy has its mouth wide open where you can get a good look- That one right there.

01:51:30.000 Right there, yeah.

01:51:31.000 It's an actual alligator?

01:51:33.000 Oh. 1.00

01:51:33.000 What the fuck, man? 1.00

01:51:35.000 Look at that thing! 1.00

01:51:37.000 Oh my god, that's a Florida gar.

01:51:40.000 How is that a real animal?

01:51:43.000 That thing looks so crazy.

01:51:45.000 That's prehistoric.

01:51:46.000 Let me see the alligator right next to it.

01:51:48.000 The one that we thought was it.

01:51:49.000 See it right in the images down there in the lower right-hand side?

01:51:52.000 Related images?

01:51:53.000 Yeah, right there.

01:51:53.000 Bam.

01:51:54.000 That is a gar. 0.79

01:51:55.000 That's what I was thinking it was.

01:51:57.000 Let me just go to that image.

01:51:58.000 Oh my god!

01:52:00.000 Look at the size of that thing.

01:52:02.000 Most people don't even know what this is.

01:52:04.000 Most people have no idea what a gar is.

01:52:06.000 That's a sturgeon. 0.94

01:52:08.000 If you brought that up to them, they'd be like, what?

01:52:11.000 Go back to that one where they see the jaw where we thought it was an alligator.

01:52:14.000 The middle of the bottom.

01:52:15.000 Yeah, look at that.

01:52:15.000 Go to the full image of that.

01:52:17.000 Let's end with this fucking... 1.00

01:52:19.000 The world is filled with mystery, ladies and gentlemen. 1.00

01:52:23.000 Don't be so quick to say that Sasquatch isn't real when that fucking thing's swimming around. 1.00

01:52:28.000 Have you seen the penis snake yet? 1.00

01:52:29.000 What is the penis snake? 0.97

01:52:30.000 They just found this snake that's called the Arrothochonia. 0.98

01:52:34.000 But if you just type in penis snake, it's a snake from Brazil, I believe. 0.99

01:52:38.000 It looks like a penis? 1.00

01:52:40.000 Yeah, it looks like a big, hard, or long penis. 1.00

01:52:43.000 How about those fucking things in the Amazon where those guys pee in the water? 1.00

01:52:46.000 They have to cup their hand over their dick because there's fish that'll fly right up your urethra. 1.00

01:52:52.000 Catfish. 1.00

01:52:53.000 Yeah, this one right here. 0.99

01:52:55.000 That's a dick. 1.00

01:52:56.000 Big black one, too. 1.00

01:52:57.000 Yeah, that's a nice one.

01:52:58.000 That's a nice cut. 1.00

01:53:00.000 Yeah, it's a cut dick. 1.00

01:53:01.000 Or it's got the helmet cover on. 1.00

01:53:03.000 It's ready to bust out. 0.98

01:53:04.000 It's got a very long foreskin. 0.95

01:53:07.000 Could be, right? 0.96

01:53:08.000 Like it's all tied up in a knot in the top.

01:53:11.000 Look at those wrinkles. 0.99

01:53:12.000 I mean, that looks like a dick right there. 1.00

01:53:13.000 That's like balls and dick. 1.00

01:53:14.000 That's not what my dick looks like. 1.00

01:53:15.000 If your dick looks like you need to go to a doctor immediately. 1.00

01:53:18.000 Your dick's dehydrated. 1.00

01:53:19.000 It's probably dead. 1.00

01:53:20.000 I mean, like what? 1.00

01:53:21.000 Sick dick. 1.00

01:53:21.000 When I have a sick dick. 1.00

01:53:22.000 Do you have a lot of sick dick days? 1.00

01:53:24.000 No. 1.00

01:53:24.000 Once in a while, I do have a sick dick. 1.00

01:53:25.000 How many days do you allow yourself a year? 1.00

01:53:26.000 How many sick dick days? 0.99

01:53:28.000 One every... 1.00

01:53:28.000 I don't know, four months, I allow a good sick dick. 1.00

01:53:33.000 I'm gonna send one of these photos to a girl to see if she thinks it's a dick. 1.00

01:53:38.000 The kind of chicks you're dating? 1.00

01:53:39.000 I bet you tell them it was fucking a dick in Narnia. 1.00

01:53:44.000 Just make it black and white. 1.00

01:53:45.000 It's a dick on the moon. 0.98

01:53:46.000 Look, we got a picture from the rover. 1.00

01:53:48.000 That's a Mordor dick. 0.99

01:53:49.000 Come on, son. 0.99

01:53:52.000 Did you see that Scientology documentary?

01:53:54.000 There's people out there that'll believe anything.

01:53:55.000 Yeah.

01:53:56.000 Mm-hmm.

01:53:57.000 You see that?

01:53:57.000 Going clear?

01:53:57.000 Some bits of that, yeah.

01:53:58.000 I've read part of the book.

01:54:00.000 I didn't see the documentary yet, but I heard it's amazing.

01:54:03.000 Is there any correlation between the belief in Xenu and the belief in Sasquatch?

01:54:08.000 It's gotta be.

01:54:08.000 Very similar.

01:54:09.000 There is a little bit of this need for this fucking thing to be real that clouds the judgment. 0.97

01:54:15.000 And I applaud the fact that you went into this as objectively as a unique individual as you could. 0.97

01:54:21.000 It's, you know, no one is completely objective.

01:54:23.000 I think we all strive to be, especially if you're Really trying to give a good audit of your life and trying to figure out how you're running things. 0.98

01:54:31.000 How objective am I being about this goddamn Bigfoot thing? 0.97

01:54:34.000 It's tricky. 0.99

01:54:35.000 You're a lot invested in it.

01:54:36.000 You're out there.

01:54:37.000 It would suck if it wasn't real.

01:54:39.000 You've been out there, what, how many times now?

01:54:41.000 Not to me at all.

01:54:42.000 At this point, this is eight.

01:54:44.000 Eight shows.

01:54:45.000 Nine shows.

01:54:46.000 I still go out the same way.

01:54:48.000 It's like, bring it.

01:54:48.000 Show me.

01:54:49.000 Bring it.

01:54:51.000 That guy that you're with, you said you had issues with him.

01:54:55.000 Well, there's a whole bunch of different people that I go out there with now.

01:54:57.000 No, I don't have any issues with Todd.

01:54:59.000 Everybody else does.

01:55:01.000 So, is it possible that what we're looking at right there actually was a Bigfoot?

01:55:06.000 I don't know.

01:55:07.000 I haven't got a clue.

01:55:07.000 If you had to put all your money...

01:55:09.000 If you have all your cash...

01:55:14.000 No matter what, and knowing him, and knowing that stuff, I still sit with 50-50 on it.

01:55:19.000 It's just like, could be or couldn't be.

01:55:21.000 LOL. Ah, because you're 99.9.

01:55:25.000 I'm 100. I'm 100. You're 100%.

01:55:27.000 That's a feckin' [...

01:55:44.000 What happened there?

01:55:46.000 There should be music playing when that's on.

01:55:52.000 Have you tried to get that guy to take a polygraph test?

01:55:55.000 No, that's not a bad idea. 1.00

01:55:56.000 What the fuck, dude? 0.99

01:55:58.000 What am I going to have to figure this whole thing out for you? 1.00

01:55:59.000 I need to be a secret producer on your show.

01:56:01.000 I called you, man.

01:56:02.000 You're busy.

01:56:03.000 You wouldn't want me on the show.

01:56:04.000 You're busy. 1.00

01:56:04.000 Shit would go one episode with me. 1.00

01:56:07.000 I'd be like, um, this guy's full of shit, Les. 1.00

01:56:10.000 We're out in the woods with a bullshit artist. 1.00

01:56:12.000 That's what we should do. 1.00

01:56:13.000 There's a bullshit artist. 1.00

01:56:14.000 Come on, son. 1.00

01:56:15.000 Take this polygraph test.

01:56:16.000 You be the skeptic.

01:56:17.000 I'll be the open guy.

01:56:18.000 Boom.

01:56:18.000 I'm okay.

01:56:19.000 And you could just do that every show.

01:56:21.000 How about we both be the skeptic?

01:56:22.000 Let's be done with this.

01:56:24.000 That's true.

01:56:24.000 Well, I still stay the skeptic anyway.

01:56:25.000 See, this is...

01:56:26.000 I watch the show.

01:56:27.000 First of all...

01:56:28.000 I think that the area where you're at is so remote.

01:56:32.000 It's incredible.

01:56:33.000 I mean, it's an incredible piece of wilderness.

01:56:36.000 And one of the things that when we went Bigfoot hunting for that sci-fi show, this guy told us, he was a really cool guy.

01:56:42.000 He goes, look, even if there is no Bigfoot, we're still camping.

01:56:45.000 We're still out here camping.

01:56:46.000 We're having a good time.

01:56:47.000 We're enjoying.

01:56:47.000 It's the best part.

01:56:48.000 And he really did feel that way.

01:56:50.000 The guy was not bullshitting.

01:56:51.000 So that area, there's nothing lost in exploring that area.

01:56:55.000 I said that on the show.

01:56:56.000 I said, you know what?

01:56:58.000 Let's look at it this way.

01:56:59.000 Let's say they don't exist at all.

01:57:01.000 Worst case scenario, I get an awesome night in my tent on the edge of a lake, and it's beautiful.

01:57:05.000 And you're experiencing this intense, wild nature, which makes you feel really connected to life.

01:57:12.000 That's the thing about when you're in those woods, and you're in those remote areas, you must feel intensely connected to life.

01:57:19.000 Yeah, I do, for sure.

01:57:20.000 In a weird way that you don't...

01:57:21.000 Reconnected.

01:57:23.000 Reconnected.

01:57:23.000 Is that the way to describe it?

01:57:24.000 I would think reconnected, yeah.

01:57:26.000 In a way you're never going to get in a city.

01:57:28.000 That's right.

01:57:28.000 It's a different experience.

01:57:29.000 You feel different.

01:57:31.000 You feel different when you're so attached to the nature that's around you.

01:57:37.000 You are immersed in it.

01:57:39.000 You're a part of it. 0.89

01:57:40.000 When you're in the woods, the woods doesn't give a fuck about your 401k plan. 0.99

01:57:46.000 It doesn't give a fuck if you have your insurance card in your glove compartment. 0.99

01:57:49.000 It doesn't give a fuck if your left tire is starting to run low. 1.00

01:57:53.000 It doesn't give a fuck. 0.99

01:57:55.000 Nature doesn't give a fuck about any of the variables that you present. 0.99

01:57:57.000 It's like, this is what we have to offer. 0.98

01:57:59.000 It's a wild shootout.

01:58:01.000 It's a wild shootout between predators and prey, and there's limited food supply, and there's a bunch of animals darting around left and right and shitting in the woods.

01:58:09.000 Good luck.

01:58:11.000 That's that's what you feel when you're out there you feel this like wow Maybe the stock market really isn't like the epicenter of the universe Maybe it doesn't really matter in the greater scheme of the universe whether or not I owe money on my student loans Maybe it doesn't really matter if I'm in credit card debt and my wife is banging her trainer.

01:58:30.000 Maybe it doesn't matter That's why it's good to go out to the bush.

01:58:33.000 Yeah, when you're out there, it puts the whole ball of wax.

01:58:36.000 You might be completely wrapped up in your own weird thing to the point where you don't recognize the fact That you're a part of nature.

01:58:45.000 You're just removed because you have walls, you have electricity, and you have a hat on, but you're a part of nature, an unavoidable part of it.

01:58:55.000 You're in there.

01:58:56.000 You're in it. 0.97

01:58:57.000 So even if Bigfoot's bullshit, there's still something that nature is so wild that the possibility of Bigfoot isn't outside of the realm of what you would consider to have a potential reality to it. 0.97

01:59:12.000 It's not outside of it. 0.98

01:59:13.000 It's in the realm.

01:59:15.000 Bingo.

01:59:16.000 Survivor man, Bigfoot.

01:59:18.000 Tune in.

01:59:20.000 If you do find something, would you please bring it to us immediately?

01:59:23.000 Can we get a scoop?

01:59:25.000 Okay, you got a scoop.

01:59:26.000 For real?

01:59:26.000 For real.

01:59:28.000 Snapchat us.

01:59:29.000 Snapchat us?

01:59:30.000 We should exchange our Snapchats. 1.00

01:59:32.000 Yeah, it'll be like what you sent me today, you fuck. 1.00

01:59:35.000 He sends me this fucking thing. 1.00

01:59:37.000 Oh, it's great. 1.00

01:59:38.000 This is horrible.

01:59:38.000 This is the type of person he is.

01:59:40.000 He sends me this text message that ISIS has closed down the 405. Let's see if it affects any of the areas where you live.

01:59:50.000 Click this link.

01:59:50.000 Oh, okay.

01:59:51.000 It's for a map of what?

01:59:53.000 Yeah.

01:59:53.000 And here's the...

01:59:54.000 Here I click the link and...

01:59:56.000 Oh, look.

01:59:57.000 Yeah.

01:59:58.000 Look at that.

01:59:59.000 There you go, Jamie.

02:00:00.000 It's a serious April Fool's.

02:00:01.000 It's a thick one.

02:00:02.000 Yeah, I was in the airport in Mexico. 1.00

02:00:04.000 And I was like, you motherfucker. 1.00

02:00:06.000 I paid Verizon Romy Data for that. 1.00

02:00:09.000 $40 to see some black dick. 1.00

02:00:10.000 I don't think it was that much. 1.00

02:00:13.000 They're likely to throw you in jail for that.

02:00:16.000 Mexico?

02:00:17.000 Mexico.

02:00:18.000 They're nice people.

02:00:18.000 They're not so uptight.

02:00:20.000 That's a fucking great part of the world. 1.00

02:00:23.000 If it wasn't for all the drug war shit and all the bullshit, Mexican people are the nicest fucking people. 1.00

02:00:28.000 They're so nice. 1.00

02:00:29.000 If I had one food to choose from to the day I die, it would be a tough call between Italian food and Mexican food. 0.99

02:00:36.000 You're crazy. 0.99

02:00:36.000 Really? 0.99

02:00:37.000 What do you think?

02:00:38.000 Italian, 100%.

02:00:39.000 But you're a pasta eater, right?

02:00:41.000 No, no, no.

02:00:42.000 I rarely eat pasta, but I also know that Mexicans food is just like three ingredients.

02:00:48.000 Everything's the same.

02:00:50.000 It's bean or tortilla.

02:00:51.000 No, you get at a real Mexican joint.

02:00:54.000 They do the best skirt steak in the world. 0.50

02:00:57.000 The best skirt steak you get in Mexican restaurants.

02:01:01.000 Where they marinate it and they... 0.99

02:01:03.000 God damn, man. 0.99

02:01:05.000 There's a lot of Mexican dishes where they do it correctly. 1.00

02:01:09.000 We had some fish in Mexico, like Fresh Caught Snapper.

02:01:13.000 They have the best...

02:01:14.000 They invented ceviche.

02:01:15.000 They invented cooking things in lime juice.

02:01:18.000 You have really good ceviche from fresh fish.

02:01:21.000 Oh, it's unbelievably delicious.

02:01:23.000 A little bit of lime, some cilantro in there, a little bit of onions, tomatoes.

02:01:28.000 Is pizza a part of this?

02:01:31.000 Because pizza's doughy.

02:01:32.000 The problem with me and pizza...

02:01:34.000 And wasn't pizza invented by the Chinese, anyway?

02:01:36.000 Whatever it is, bro.

02:01:37.000 We took it.

02:01:38.000 We made it a little bit better.

02:01:39.000 You know what I'm saying?

02:01:39.000 They made the noodle.

02:01:41.000 We took it.

02:01:41.000 We put a little pasta sauce on that.

02:01:43.000 I don't know, man. 0.98

02:01:44.000 I'm not an aficionado in the fucking history of gluten. 0.98

02:01:47.000 But I do know that when I eat too much of it, it fucks me up. 0.99

02:01:50.000 Your body converts it to sugar.

02:01:53.000 You're eating a bowl of sugar.

02:01:55.000 When you're eating a bowl of pasta, you're eating a bowl of white flour.

02:01:58.000 You're eating a bowl of sugar.

02:01:59.000 I mean, that's really what your body thinks it is. 0.99

02:02:01.000 You get this crazy insulin fucking thing happening. 0.99

02:02:03.000 Your body's like, what is all this fucking sugar? 0.99

02:02:06.000 You don't get that if you just eat vegetables and meats. 0.99

02:02:10.000 Even beans don't give you that spike the same way.

02:02:14.000 Those pasta dishes and heavy, heavy bread dishes, they're just not good for you, man.

02:02:19.000 They're just not. 0.97

02:02:19.000 They taste fucking amazing. 0.97

02:02:22.000 You know, like a good lasagna. 1.00

02:02:24.000 Oh, Christ.

02:02:25.000 That belly-stretching feeling when you know you've eaten something virtually indigestible.

02:02:30.000 But it's awesome.

02:02:31.000 Tour of Italy.

02:02:33.000 I'm sure.

02:02:34.000 It's great.

02:02:34.000 I'm sure.

02:02:35.000 You know, and I would love to know what pasta was like before they started monkeying around with wheat.

02:02:39.000 Because they think that, like, somewhere around the early 1900s, they started, like, doing something to wheat to make it more durable, to make greater yields, and to make it be a little bit more hardy.

02:02:52.000 And they just changed the way wheat grows.

02:02:56.000 They changed the actual consistency of the plant.

02:02:59.000 And from then on, it became like harder and harder for people to digest it, apparently.

02:03:03.000 That's the idea.

02:03:04.000 And then, the other idea is that these processed flours, it's just, your body's just not, that's not how it's supposed to be eaten.

02:03:11.000 Everybody doesn't know what to do with that. 0.99

02:03:12.000 It's like, what the fuck is this? 0.99

02:03:13.000 Like, eat a bowl of sugar. 1.00

02:03:15.000 Like, if you had some sugar and you put, that doesn't exist in nature.

02:03:18.000 In nature, sugar comes attached to fiber.

02:03:20.000 It comes attached to vitamins.

02:03:22.000 It's like a reward for eating fruit.

02:03:24.000 You eat oranges.

02:03:26.000 It tastes delicious.

02:03:26.000 You're getting that sugar, but you're also getting vitamin C. You're getting all that fiber.

02:03:30.000 It's like a trick to get you to eat something delicious so that you will shit out the seeds and fertilize those seeds.

02:03:36.000 Nature's got a whole system set up. 0.91

02:03:38.000 It doesn't exist with a bowl of sugar. 1.00

02:03:40.000 You pour a bowl of sugar on your fucking Frosted Flakes. 0.99

02:03:44.000 That's something that doesn't exist in nature. 1.00

02:03:46.000 Tell me you didn't do that.

02:03:47.000 Did you ever have frosted flakes and you poured sugar on top of them?

02:03:50.000 I never did that.

02:03:51.000 I never did that.

02:03:52.000 It sounds great though.

02:03:53.000 Delicious.

02:03:54.000 It's delicious.

02:03:55.000 You know, you're at the edge of darkness.

02:03:57.000 Double frost them frosted flakes. 1.00

02:03:59.000 You fucking suck this sugar. 1.00

02:04:01.000 You suck. 1.00

02:04:02.000 Spoonfuls of it. 1.00

02:04:04.000 Then you drink the milk.

02:04:05.000 Mmm.

02:04:05.000 It tastes like C2O coconut water.

02:04:07.000 Nope.

02:04:07.000 It's better.

02:04:08.000 It's better.

02:04:11.000 Frosted flake milk might be the best thing ever.

02:04:14.000 Might be the best. 1.00

02:04:14.000 Fuck champagne. 1.00

02:04:15.000 It's just liquid sugar. 1.00

02:04:16.000 How much you paying for that Cabernet Sauvignon?

02:04:19.000 Frosted Flakes milk. 1.00

02:04:21.000 If you were in the mood for Frosted Flakes milk at the end of a bowl of Frosted Flakes that you double-sugared, and someone ordered you a glass of Cabernet, you'd be like, get that sloppy, nasty, bitter shit out of my face. 0.99

02:04:35.000 I'm about to feast on some Frosted Flakes milk. 0.99

02:04:40.000 Raisin bran with sugar.

02:04:41.000 What do you think Bigfoot eats?

02:04:50.000 He's got to be eaten a lot.

02:04:52.000 He's pretty big.

02:04:53.000 If you had a guess.

02:04:56.000 Elk?

02:04:57.000 Elk.

02:04:58.000 Mushrooms.

02:04:59.000 What do they say?

02:04:59.000 They say elk mushrooms, berries, roots, tubers, shoots, grasses, deer.

02:05:04.000 But if it was elk, wouldn't you find like a carcass?

02:05:09.000 We found a moose carcass when it was up in BC that had been killed by wolves.

02:05:14.000 These researchers say they do find them.

02:05:17.000 Really?

02:05:17.000 Yeah.

02:05:18.000 These researchers?

02:05:19.000 Like the ones who wear rubber suits?

02:05:20.000 What else do you think I got to go on?

02:05:22.000 It's just people who are into the subject matter.

02:05:23.000 Right.

02:05:24.000 Do they take photos of these carcasses?

02:05:26.000 They have photos?

02:05:26.000 They put them on land?

02:05:27.000 No, they're taking photos and they're measuring them.

02:05:29.000 They're doing everything scientifically now.

02:05:31.000 But if you found a carcass, right, you'd probably be able to get some DNA off that or something was pretty, you know, praying.

02:05:38.000 Depends on how old it is, right?

02:05:39.000 You know, you already said yourself, the DNA thing's pretty unstable.

02:05:41.000 Right.

02:05:43.000 Out of all those sources, of all the different people that are quote-unquote researchers, what do you think is the most credible organization?

02:05:51.000 Les Stroud, Bigfoot, staff, and crew.

02:05:55.000 Survivorman Bigfoot.

02:05:57.000 Yeah, credible?

02:05:59.000 Yeah.

02:05:59.000 4chan.

02:06:00.000 4chan?

02:06:02.000 Reddit?

02:06:03.000 Whoever's got nothing, whoever doesn't have a stake in it.

02:06:06.000 Right, but doesn't everybody have a stake in it?

02:06:08.000 Could be. 0.99

02:06:09.000 Once you spend a night in the woods, you have a stake in it more than the guy who watches it on TV and goes, bitch, you have more of a stake. 1.00

02:06:18.000 That's an emotional stake. 0.98

02:06:19.000 I'm talking about a financial stake.

02:06:20.000 Well, you have a financial stake, too, because it's not free to go live in the woods.

02:06:23.000 If you do, you've got to eat food that you have to buy.

02:06:26.000 You have to make sure that you're not working back in the city and earning money, so it'll cost you money in that regard.

02:06:31.000 You have to have gear, which costs money.

02:06:33.000 The hell are you talking about?

02:06:34.000 You have to have camping gear.

02:06:35.000 Yeah, okay.

02:06:37.000 What am I talking about?

02:06:38.000 What do you mean? 0.99

02:06:38.000 What the fuck's that got to do? 0.99

02:06:40.000 There's a stake. 0.99

02:06:41.000 You spent your time, which is money.

02:06:45.000 Time equals money to most people.

02:06:47.000 There's a stake in that.

02:06:48.000 You've invested your sanity.

02:06:49.000 I mean if you're out for profit.

02:06:51.000 If you're out for profit.

02:06:52.000 Okay.

02:06:53.000 Those guys, they're suspect, right?

02:06:55.000 They've got to be suspect.

02:06:57.000 Of course.

02:06:57.000 They have to be.

02:06:58.000 Because if you're a normal human being, you're going to have a bias.

02:07:02.000 That's like how you feed yourself like the finding Bigfoot folks like if you really got those dudes high on peyote and Told them to tell the real truth about every episode Like that's a good idea when you were hooting you knew that Bobo was hooting back,

02:07:18.000 right?

02:07:19.000 right?

02:07:20.000 But when the camera was on and you had the night vision on, man, I heard it too.

02:07:24.000 I heard it.

02:07:25.000 I heard it for sure.

02:07:27.000 Wow!

02:07:27.000 What a night.

02:07:29.000 We definitely got a call back.

02:07:31.000 Something called us back.

02:07:32.000 It knocked wood.

02:07:33.000 Who invented wood knocking? 1.00

02:07:35.000 Who's that fuckhead? 1.00

02:07:36.000 I wish I knew. 1.00

02:07:38.000 Somebody just decided that they knocked back, right?

02:07:40.000 And knocked him up with a piece of wood.

02:07:42.000 Does anybody challenge that?

02:07:45.000 Is there two schools of thought when it comes to wood knocking?

02:07:49.000 Nah, it just is what it is.

02:07:50.000 You either do it or you don't.

02:07:51.000 Some do, some don't.

02:07:52.000 But do you think that Sasquatches whack sticks against trees? 1.00

02:07:56.000 I don't know.

02:07:56.000 All I know is they're talking about, they hear the sounds of, like, sticks being whacked against trees.

02:08:00.000 That's why they do it.

02:08:01.000 Yeah, one of the guys, when we were in Pacific Northwest, he was very skeptical about the wood knocking.

02:08:06.000 He's like, I'm not buying it.

02:08:07.000 There's, like, different camps.

02:08:09.000 Guys are like...

02:08:10.000 Well, that's what I said.

02:08:11.000 It's that scale of believability, and they're all...

02:08:15.000 Infighting, because everybody wants to be able to say, I'm the one who figured it out.

02:08:19.000 I got the film footage.

02:08:21.000 Is there a Michael Jordan of Bigfoot researchers?

02:08:25.000 Is there one dude that everybody bows down to?

02:08:28.000 The one, the Hicks and Gracie of Bigfoot researchers?

02:08:31.000 There's gotta be.

02:08:31.000 I don't know.

02:08:32.000 Are you a knocker?

02:08:34.000 Yeah, are you a knocker?

02:08:36.000 Are you a hooter?

02:08:37.000 Or a hooper?

02:08:38.000 Are you a hoop?

02:08:39.000 Hoop!

02:08:40.000 Hoop!

02:08:42.000 What do you think about that Samurai Chatter? 1.00

02:08:45.000 You ever heard that?

02:08:46.000 You never heard Samurai Chatter?

02:08:48.000 Samurai Chatter was a guy, I want to say it was like from the 1970s, who recorded some vocalizations that sound like, and he claimed that these were Bigfoot.

02:09:00.000 You never looked into this?

02:09:01.000 No, I haven't heard that one.

02:09:02.000 Yeah, we had a sound expert Uh...

02:09:06.000 Um...

02:09:06.000 Analyze these for that sci-fi show.

02:09:09.000 To me, it sounds like total horseshit. 0.96

02:09:12.000 And he's like, a human voice can't make that noise. 0.98

02:09:15.000 I'm like, yes it can.

02:09:16.000 Here, I'll do it.

02:09:18.000 Like, I just did it.

02:09:19.000 Like, don't say a person can't make that.

02:09:21.000 This is a recording.

02:09:22.000 Recordings, especially from like 1970s equipment...

02:09:26.000 When you're in the woods, like field equipment, like you're not getting an absolute exact representation of the sound that you're recording.

02:09:33.000 You're getting some sort of whatever the gear is capable of picking up.

02:09:38.000 Like a really good microphone, like these microphones, these Shores, right? 1.00

02:09:42.000 What are these things?

02:09:43.000 What makes these?

02:09:43.000 Yeah.

02:09:43.000 This is like a really good microphone.

02:09:45.000 This is about as close to a...

02:09:47.000 When you hear yourself on a podcast, you go, that's definitely me.

02:09:50.000 That sounds exactly like me.

02:09:52.000 But this is a recording of you.

02:09:54.000 Like, it's not you.

02:09:55.000 It's taking you and it's recording the best possible version of your voice it can.

02:10:02.000 It's not you talking again.

02:10:04.000 So when you're hearing...

02:10:05.000 You're hearing a machine that has picked up some sound that you made... 0.98

02:10:12.000 And it's put this down as best it could in 1978 or whatever the fuck it is. 0.94

02:10:17.000 But it's not going to be exact. 0.87

02:10:18.000 It's just not.

02:10:19.000 So when anybody says, a human being can't even make that sound, well, you're right.

02:10:23.000 It has to be a tape recorder.

02:10:25.000 That's what makes that sound.

02:10:26.000 It has to record it from a human being.

02:10:28.000 But once you go through that, like, you're in some gray area.

02:10:32.000 Like, who knows what it could sound like?

02:10:33.000 Who do you want? 0.96

02:10:34.000 Look at that!

02:10:36.000 Do you find it?

02:10:37.000 Did you find it?

02:10:37.000 Samurai Chatter.

02:10:38.000 Find this.

02:10:39.000 Samurai Chatter or Bigfoot sounds.

02:10:41.000 You're gonna howl.

02:10:41.000 So the sound expert, what's that?

02:10:43.000 Like part-time sales at Best Buy?

02:10:46.000 No, he is a earbud aficionado.

02:10:50.000 Oh, so he has a pair of Beats headphones?

02:10:53.000 Well, he has the Beats Studio Pro.

02:10:55.000 Oh, yeah.

02:10:55.000 The Bluetooth ones.

02:10:56.000 He gets the Bluetooth ones where the guy, I'm the man, I'm the man, that kind.

02:11:03.000 He's got the kind that awkwardly hook around the back of your ear when the ear buds.

02:11:07.000 No, he was a real sound expert.

02:11:09.000 He also was in the Navy, like he deciphered languages in the Navy. 1.00

02:11:19.000 First of all, I don't trust this British fuck. 1.00

02:11:22.000 Reminds me of Jolly Appleseed. 1.00

02:11:26.000 Jolly Appleseed.

02:11:43.000 It is very bizarre indeed. 0.99

02:11:52.000 How many rubber bands do you think that guy has around his balls while he's making that noise? 0.98

02:11:56.000 Sounds like an open mic comic.

02:12:03.000 We decided to record the sounds and put them on a CD and a cassette and make them available to people.

02:12:12.000 See, this is a part of the problem we're dealing with in the Bigfoot community, right?

02:12:15.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:12:16.000 That kind of shit. 1.00

02:12:17.000 That kind of shit. 1.00

02:12:18.000 Yep, exactly. 1.00

02:12:20.000 And when you hear something like that, what do you think that is?

02:12:23.000 I haven't got a clue.

02:12:24.000 Like you say, I mean, that could have been easily recorded by anybody.

02:12:27.000 What do you think it was, Brian?

02:12:28.000 Totally somebody just doing those noises, of course. 1.00

02:12:30.000 And they just sounded like an idiot doing it. 1.00

02:12:32.000 Like, you could picture that person, what they're doing, making those noises, like an idiot. 1.00

02:12:37.000 I'm offended by his skepticism. 1.00

02:12:40.000 What if it's not, though?

02:12:42.000 What if it wasn't?

02:12:43.000 What if it wasn't a human?

02:12:45.000 What if it wasn't a human?

02:12:48.000 Then what was it?

02:12:49.000 While we were filming the show, and I went over this, these are some things I considered.

02:12:53.000 And one time when we were at the Ice House, we got so high that I believe the Patterson footage was real for a few seconds. 0.99

02:13:00.000 I was like, what if I'm an asshole? 0.99

02:13:02.000 And what if this whole time, that is a real Bigfoot, and I've just been mocking it. 1.00

02:13:06.000 I was so high.

02:13:07.000 And then I came down. 1.00

02:13:08.000 I was like, bitch, that's a guy in a monkey suit. 1.00

02:13:10.000 Look at that fucking stupid thing! 1.00

02:13:12.000 It's so obvious. 1.00

02:13:14.000 If it looks like someone in a monkey suit, most likely it's someone in a monkey suit. 1.00

02:13:19.000 When you look at a giraffe, you never go, ah, that looks like a person in a fucking giraffe outfit. 0.99

02:13:24.000 No, they look like giraffes. 0.99

02:13:26.000 Like, they have a very giraffe-like way of walking. 1.00

02:13:29.000 That stupid fucking thing walks like a person. 1.00

02:13:32.000 But I might be wrong. 1.00

02:13:34.000 What do you think about that?

02:13:35.000 What do you think about the Patterson?

02:13:36.000 I haven't explored it enough.

02:13:39.000 I don't know.

02:13:39.000 I think it'd be cool if you were wrong.

02:13:41.000 How could it be possible?

02:13:43.000 You really haven't looked into this?

02:13:45.000 You haven't looked into all the various...

02:13:46.000 I sat with the guy who was there.

02:13:48.000 Which guy?

02:13:49.000 Gimlin?

02:13:49.000 Bob Gimlin.

02:13:50.000 Yeah?

02:13:50.000 What'd you say?

02:13:53.000 I just didn't smell bullshit on him when he was talking. 0.99

02:13:56.000 It sounded like he was just talking right from his heart, like this is what I saw. 0.97

02:14:00.000 Nobody ever accused Gimlin of being a part of it though, right?

02:14:03.000 They accused Roger Patterson, the guy who filmed it, who went to jail for writing a bad check to pay for the very camera he used to film Bigfoot.

02:14:13.000 Known con man.

02:14:15.000 And then there was the other guy who said he was in the suit.

02:14:20.000 What was his name?

02:14:21.000 Bob... 0.97

02:14:22.000 He was also proven to be bullshitting. 0.93

02:14:24.000 No way. 1.00

02:14:25.000 Bullshitters were bullshitting? 0.99

02:14:26.000 Yeah, that's the problem. 1.00

02:14:28.000 Hieronymus.

02:14:29.000 Bob Hieronymus.

02:14:29.000 Yeah, I remembered.

02:14:32.000 Who was a big guy who walked a lot like Bigfoot.

02:14:35.000 Like, there's this video footage, a montage of Bob Hieronymus next to the Patterson footage, and he walks just like it.

02:14:42.000 Nailed it.

02:14:42.000 You ever seen that?

02:14:43.000 No. 1.00

02:14:44.000 Yeah, he's a big, gangly-looking cowboy motherfucker. 0.99

02:14:47.000 One of those dudes who has those giant belt buckles, and it looks normal on him. 0.99

02:14:51.000 You know, there's certain dudes, you see him with a giant, like, rodeo belt buckle, you go, yeah.

02:14:57.000 Okay, that's what he would wear.

02:14:58.000 You can pull it off.

02:14:59.000 Here, look at this.

02:14:59.000 Look at this guy.

02:15:01.000 Hilarious.

02:15:02.000 I mean, come on.

02:15:03.000 That's him.

02:15:04.000 Okay.

02:15:05.000 That's Bob Hieronymus.

02:15:06.000 I mean, that is Bob Hieronymus, and that is the Bigfoot thing behind him.

02:15:09.000 I mean, Jesus Christ. 0.98

02:15:11.000 Yeah, that's ridiculous. 0.98

02:15:12.000 It's him. 1.00

02:15:13.000 I mean, fucking get out of here. 1.00

02:15:15.000 That's that dude. 1.00

02:15:16.000 That's hilarious.

02:15:17.000 I've never seen that before. 0.99

02:15:19.000 That's fucking hilarious. 0.98

02:15:20.000 Yeah, he's just got some gorilla arms that are, like, extra long at the end. 0.99

02:15:24.000 You know, he's got some fake hand, got some fake fur thing on.

02:15:30.000 Or it's a female Sasquatch. 0.98

02:15:34.000 What do you think? 0.97

02:15:35.000 It had titties. 0.53

02:15:36.000 Okay, if you had to push all your chips, you got all your money here.

02:15:40.000 Where are we going to go here, Les?

02:15:41.000 What are we going to do?

02:15:42.000 I don't gamble.

02:15:43.000 Are we going all in on, yes, it's Bigfoot, or all in on Bob Hieronymus is telling the truth?

02:15:48.000 All in on, I don't gamble.

02:15:49.000 That's why I'm going out there.

02:15:51.000 You don't gamble at all?

02:15:52.000 I don't gamble. 1.00

02:15:52.000 I can't gamble for shit. 1.00

02:15:54.000 Come on, son. 1.00

02:15:54.000 A little bit of roulette. 1.00

02:15:55.000 What about bet on fights?

02:15:56.000 What if George St. Pierre was fighting?

02:15:58.000 I bet on fights.

02:15:59.000 I did.

02:15:59.000 I bet on one.

02:15:59.000 Come on, I was a strong Canadian.

02:16:00.000 There you go.

02:16:01.000 You bet.

02:16:01.000 So you bet.

02:16:02.000 So this is like an educated guess as well.

02:16:04.000 Okay, how about this?

02:16:05.000 How about this?

02:16:06.000 Forget all in.

02:16:07.000 Okay.

02:16:08.000 Let's make it 50 bucks. 0.98

02:16:09.000 Nothing crazy.

02:16:11.000 Nothing crazy.

02:16:12.000 Just bragging rights and 50 bucks.

02:16:14.000 I'm going with it that there's something there.

02:16:18.000 That thing? 0.97

02:16:19.000 That video.

02:16:20.000 Oh, you're talking about the video?

02:16:21.000 Just the video?

02:16:22.000 That video.

02:16:22.000 Oh.

02:16:23.000 Bullshit. 1.00

02:16:24.000 I can't gamble on that because I just don't know enough. 1.00

02:16:26.000 I am closing my eyes and pushing the whole bag of chips towards bullshit. 1.00

02:16:31.000 I know you are. 1.00

02:16:33.000 All the money in the world, bullshit. 1.00

02:16:35.000 Wow, that's a strong word. 1.00

02:16:36.000 He didn't even spell word world wrong.

02:16:38.000 And I don't like gambling.

02:16:40.000 And he doesn't like gambling.

02:16:41.000 Unless it's no condiment.

02:16:42.000 We're not trying to pitch on you.

02:16:44.000 Look, we're not trying to gang up on you.

02:16:46.000 You're not gang up on me, man.

02:16:47.000 It seems like we're ganging up on you.

02:16:48.000 No, you're not gang up.

02:16:49.000 Okay, I know.

02:16:49.000 I'll take both your bets.

02:16:51.000 Listen, you know I love you.

02:16:53.000 I want you to be successful.

02:16:55.000 Take both your bets. 1.00

02:16:55.000 Out of all these assholes, this guy that pretends he has Bigfoot in his cooler. 1.00

02:17:00.000 That shithead. 1.00

02:17:02.000 Rick Dyer. 1.00

02:17:02.000 All these guys. 1.00

02:17:03.000 The guy who says he shot Bigfoot. 1.00

02:17:05.000 All these fucking guys. 1.00

02:17:06.000 Their stories are all very fantastical. 1.00

02:17:08.000 That's why I just look them all straight in their face and go, Show me what you got.

02:17:11.000 Oh, you think it's scary on the mountain over there?

02:17:13.000 Okay, well, I'll stay out there tonight and see what happens. 0.99

02:17:15.000 If one fucking dude had it, though, imagine. 0.99

02:17:18.000 One dude found the footage. 1.00

02:17:20.000 That's it.

02:17:20.000 Oh, it takes one.

02:17:21.000 That's all it takes.

02:17:21.000 One dude.

02:17:23.000 Goddamn, son. 1.00

02:17:25.000 That would be the coolest shit ever. 1.00

02:17:27.000 But why? 0.99

02:17:28.000 That's what I want to know.

02:17:29.000 Why would that be cooler than a tiger?

02:17:30.000 Why would that be cooler than a killer whale?

02:17:32.000 Why would that be cooler than a shoebill?

02:17:33.000 Because if it's there, we think it's a missing link.

02:17:36.000 That's why.

02:17:37.000 There's no missing link.

02:17:38.000 It doesn't really work that way.

02:17:39.000 That's like some archaic thinking.

02:17:41.000 Right.

02:17:41.000 It's very non-scientific.

02:17:43.000 And there's no archaic thinking going on in North America today.

02:17:45.000 No, there's not.

02:17:47.000 What?

02:17:50.000 The Religious Freedom Act doesn't have anything to do with...

02:17:53.000 That's not what it's about, man.

02:17:55.000 It's about Jesus. 1.00

02:17:56.000 You don't even fucking know, man. 0.98

02:18:00.000 It's just, it seems to be out of all the things that are like, all the mysteries, it's one of the most probable, which is one of the most exciting things about it. 0.99

02:18:11.000 Like, the Loch Ness Monster, oh man, what are the idea that some long-necked dinosaur thing is living in the middle of a lake in Scotland? 0.98

02:18:20.000 Fucking get out of here. 0.98

02:18:21.000 I'm not buying in on that, you know? 1.00

02:18:24.000 I believe that more than Bigfoot.

02:18:26.000 Do you?

02:18:27.000 Loch Ness, 100% more.

02:18:28.000 See, I don't.

02:18:29.000 I think that's way more unlikely.

02:18:31.000 It's way more unlikely that some sort of a cold-blooded reptile that's enormous, that lives in a loch, has gone undetected for this long with a breeding population, that's way too open.

02:18:43.000 Even if it is huge, it's still just water.

02:18:47.000 You would see more of them, you know?

02:18:49.000 No, I'm saying it did exist.

02:18:51.000 I don't think it exists anymore.

02:18:52.000 Oh, did exist.

02:18:52.000 Yes.

02:18:53.000 Well, dude, the Gigantopithecus thing, that did exist.

02:18:56.000 The difference between unicorns and leprechauns and the Loch Ness Monster and Bigfoot...

02:19:03.000 It's mushrooms.

02:19:04.000 Bigfoot...

02:19:04.000 probably.

02:19:06.000 Bigfoot leaves tracks.

02:19:07.000 If you want to meet the leprechauns, you can meet them.

02:19:11.000 You just gotta take enough mushrooms.

02:19:12.000 You can meet leprechauns.

02:19:14.000 You really can.

02:19:16.000 If you eat the proper dosage of any really potent psychedelic mushroom, psychedelic DMT, anything that's really intense, transformative psychedelics, you can see things that make gremlins seem totally normal. 1.00

02:19:32.000 I think that's the root of all that shit. 0.99

02:19:34.000 That's the root of all those... 1.00

02:19:35.000 I mean, this is all people that were eating plants that they didn't even know what the fuck they did. 0.97

02:19:39.000 They didn't understand the mechanisms behind them. 0.98

02:19:41.000 They had rituals around cultivating them and keeping them.

02:19:47.000 That might be a part of the Bigfoot thing too, man.

02:19:50.000 I mean, Bigfoot might not even be a real thing.

02:19:53.000 It might be a real thing that you only can experience when you're having a psychedelic trip.

02:19:58.000 Like the idea of Bigfoot in a physical sense, it might not even be real.

02:20:03.000 It might be something that when you eat enough psychedelics, it tunes into some part of your memory that recreates this thing that lived a long time ago.

02:20:13.000 Best question asked about Bigfoot is not what it is, it's why.

02:20:17.000 Why is it even there at all?

02:20:18.000 No, the best question is where is it? 0.98

02:20:19.000 Where the fuck is it? 0.99

02:20:21.000 Where the fuck is it? 1.00

02:20:22.000 You're looking for it and you're asking the wrong questions. 0.99

02:20:25.000 Okay, this is like almost two hours.

02:20:27.000 I'm tapping it.

02:20:27.000 It's more than two hours.

02:20:29.000 It's almost three.

02:20:30.000 It's almost three.

02:20:31.000 I'm tapping it.

02:20:31.000 Okay.

02:20:32.000 Survivor Man, Bigfoot, when is it airing?

02:20:36.000 When can people watch it?

02:20:37.000 Discovery Channel, Science Channels, Wednesdays, Fridays. 0.99

02:20:40.000 Even if you're a non-believer, ladies and gentlemen, I recommend three bong hits and some good friends, and you will enjoy this goddamn show! 1.00

02:20:48.000 Les Stroud, you're a fucking man's man. 1.00

02:20:51.000 I love you. 1.00

02:20:52.000 I'm always happy to talk to you.

02:20:53.000 Thanks, Brian.

02:20:54.000 I really do mean that.

02:20:55.000 If there's a Sasquatch out there, I sincerely hope that you find it.

02:20:59.000 And I sincerely hope there really is a Sasquatch. 0.99

02:21:01.000 Wouldn't that be the coolest shit? 0.99

02:21:04.000 Brian is out. 0.99

02:21:05.000 No, I'm just...

02:21:06.000 I don't know.

02:21:07.000 I mean, if there was such a thing as a Sasquatch, I don't know if it was cool.

02:21:09.000 I'd just be like, there's a new monkey.

02:21:11.000 I don't think it's...

02:21:12.000 Nah, be cooler than that.

02:21:14.000 Be way cooler than that.

02:21:15.000 What if it talked like a samurai?

02:21:16.000 If it talked like a samurai.

02:21:20.000 Alright, one more time.

02:21:22.000 When can people watch it?

02:21:23.000 What network?

02:21:24.000 Discovery Channel.

02:21:25.000 Discovery Channel.

02:21:26.000 Science Channel.

02:21:27.000 Wednesdays, Fridays.

02:21:28.000 Wednesdays and Fridays at what time?

02:21:30.000 Usually 10. Real Les Stroud on Twitter.

02:21:34.000 Real Les Stroud on Instagram.

02:21:36.000 Facebook.

02:21:36.000 Same thing.

02:21:37.000 Facebook.

02:21:37.000 Thank you, man.

02:21:38.000 This was fun.

02:21:39.000 Very impromptu.

02:21:40.000 I know.

02:21:41.000 But we did it.

02:21:41.000 At work, grab you from the comedy store.

02:21:42.000 Yes.

02:21:43.000 Yes.

02:21:44.000 Perfect.

02:21:44.000 Alright.

02:21:44.000 Good night, everybody.

02:21:45.000 See ya.

The Joe Rogan Experience - April 03, 2015

Joe Rogan Experience #632 - Les Stroud

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