The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #659 - Dean Delray

00:00:01.000 Hey, you fuckers! 1.00

00:00:03.000 We're live! 1.00

00:00:05.000 Before we even say anything, I have to do a favor for Ari Shafir.

00:00:08.000 Ari Shafir's new show, his show, rather, This Is Not Happening, on Comedy Central, is starting a new season.

00:00:16.000 Starting season two.

00:00:18.000 And Ari really wants to get great stories from comics that you guys all enjoy.

00:00:24.000 So what Ari is suggesting you do is perhaps tweet him...

00:00:31.000 Suggestions and also tweet the comics that you would like to see perform on his show. 0.84

00:00:37.000 Basically, everybody's got some fucking wacky story. 0.93

00:00:40.000 Just one wacky story. 0.95

00:00:41.000 And if you've ever seen This Is Not Happening, it's stand-ups telling crazy stories about either things that have happened to them on the road or during life or what have you.

00:00:51.000 It's just a slightly different form of stand-up.

00:00:54.000 So season two is about to begin, and Ari would like you to just tweet at anybody that you would think would be, don't harass anybody, don't Twitter bomb people. 1.00

00:01:02.000 That shit's gross. 0.99

00:01:03.000 People that ask me to Twitter, like, Twitter bomb Joe. 1.00

00:01:06.000 That's a great way to never get on this podcast.

00:01:10.000 It's annoying. 1.00

00:01:11.000 It's annoying as fuck. 0.99

00:01:12.000 I don't like it. 0.99

00:01:14.000 But this is not that.

00:01:15.000 What he wants you to do is just get the word out about it and tweet to him anybody that you would like to see on it.

00:01:22.000 That would help as well. 0.99

00:01:23.000 Alright, you fucks? 0.99

00:01:24.000 Dean Del Rey, ladies and gentlemen! 0.99

00:01:25.000 Hey, man.

00:01:26.000 What's up, brother?

00:01:27.000 That's funny you say that because I would see for like a year people going, Joe, have Dean on your podcast.

00:01:33.000 And I'm like, that's the worst way to get me on.

00:01:36.000 Well, not necessarily.

00:01:38.000 If you told them to do it, then it would be the worst way.

00:01:41.000 Oh, yeah.

00:01:41.000 I would never do that.

00:01:41.000 No, you never would.

00:01:42.000 Yeah. 0.93

00:01:43.000 A lot of people did suggest it, and I watched you on the Dom Herrera podcast because of it, which is fucking hilarious. 0.98

00:01:50.000 If you've never seen Dom Herrera live from the Laugh Factory, first of all, Dom's a great guy, hilarious comic, but it's a fun podcast, and you were really funny on that fucking show. 0.92

00:01:59.000 Oh, thanks, man. 0.99

00:02:00.000 Those rock and roll stories, goddamn, dude. 0.99

00:02:02.000 I mean, you fucking, you came into comedy through a really weird way. 1.00

00:02:07.000 Yeah, I came the fucking long way. 0.99

00:02:10.000 25 years the long way. 0.97

00:02:12.000 25 years of music.

00:02:14.000 Yeah, I played music 25 years, but the funny thing is, when I was a kid, I wanted to do comedy, but there was no kids doing comedy.

00:02:22.000 It was not like now you can go to a camp, or you can just do whatever.

00:02:27.000 Is there a comedy camp for kids?

00:02:28.000 That's how Tiffany started.

00:02:30.000 She did a Laugh Factory comedy camp as a 13-year-old.

00:02:34.000 Yeah, same with Melissa Villasenora. 1.00

00:02:36.000 Wow.

00:02:37.000 But when I was a kid, I'm 49, so I grew up on the first couple seasons of Saturday Night Live, and I was like, I want to be John Belushi.

00:02:47.000 I've got to be him.

00:02:49.000 But where can you be him, except for a sixth grade?

00:02:52.000 Well, there's open mics and stuff like that.

00:02:54.000 Where'd you start out?

00:02:55.000 Where were you living when you were...

00:02:57.000 I grew up in the Bay Area, you know, in San Francisco.

00:03:01.000 There was open mics, but I'm like, you know, 8th grade.

00:03:04.000 You don't know about that.

00:03:05.000 There's no internet or anything.

00:03:06.000 And so you had already gotten into music?

00:03:08.000 I started playing music, and then the years just flew by.

00:03:12.000 Wow.

00:03:12.000 Because the neighbors played music and I loved rock and I loved comedy.

00:03:17.000 In the 70s it was the same.

00:03:18.000 You had Cheech and Chong, Carlin, Richard Pryor.

00:03:21.000 You also had ACDC, Ted Nugent, and Van Halen.

00:03:24.000 They were just the same to me.

00:03:26.000 You'd put one record on and then the other.

00:03:28.000 Wow.

00:03:29.000 So you lived next to musicians?

00:03:33.000 Well, people in my neighborhood, we all loved rock and they were like, let's play in bands, you know?

00:03:39.000 Do you think if that wasn't around that you would have gotten into stand-up early?

00:03:44.000 Yeah.

00:04:02.000 I remember I saw Dice and I was like, I'm going to try comedy.

00:04:05.000 And I did one time at this bar, McNeer's in Petaluma.

00:04:10.000 And I went in and I was just trying to be Dice. 0.99

00:04:12.000 Like, hey, look at those tits! 1.00

00:04:15.000 And I swear to God, it was silent. 1.00

00:04:18.000 I was like, I'd like to fuck you! 1.00

00:04:21.000 And I thought, this is how you do it, right? 1.00

00:04:23.000 And man, I was tossed out of there.

00:04:26.000 Of course. 0.99

00:04:27.000 Yeah, it's not intangible when you see a guy like Dice that can say some of the most offensive shit. 0.98

00:04:32.000 First of all, because you know him and you know the character. 0.97

00:04:34.000 But there's also something about the way he did it.

00:04:38.000 And if you're a young kid and you see it, you think you could go do it too. 1.00

00:04:41.000 You don't realize how stupid it sounds until it comes out of your mouth. 1.00

00:04:45.000 And you realize, oh wait a minute, he's been doing this for a long time. 1.00

00:04:48.000 Yeah, it's established.

00:04:50.000 But I saw Dice in 88 at the store.

00:04:54.000 Did you really?

00:04:55.000 Well, I used to hang at the store.

00:04:56.000 My buddy was dating the head waitress there, and I'd play rock in Hollywood, and then we'd go to the store, because it was huge.

00:05:03.000 Was that before or after he had become gigantic?

00:05:06.000 It was before, because I remember seeing him, and then I think like a year later, he was on the Rodney thing.

00:05:13.000 And I was like, that's that guy I was telling you guys about.

00:05:16.000 But he would do Monday nights.

00:05:18.000 And he would go on, and all the rockers would go.

00:05:22.000 The rockers would be like, you gotta see this guy, man. 1.00

00:05:24.000 And you'd go down there, and he'd come out, and he'd be like, look at this whore! 1.00

00:05:28.000 And he'd be like, what the fuck? 1.00

00:05:29.000 How is this not, Kyle? 1.00

00:05:30.000 You're not getting beat up!

00:05:31.000 This is rad!

00:05:33.000 And the guy would laugh, you know? 1.00

00:05:35.000 And another guy would laugh, and he'd go, what are you laughing at, you fucking asshole! 1.00

00:05:40.000 And And that guy would get up and leave, and then it was awesome, man, you know? 1.00

00:05:45.000 Yeah, I call it mean dice.

00:05:46.000 Like, there's two different dices. 0.89

00:05:48.000 There's dice, and then there's mean dice, and mean dice will start picking on people in the audience and fucking just lay into dudes for like 10, 15 minutes. 1.00

00:05:56.000 You see, they, like, smile at first. 0.55

00:05:58.000 They think, well, eventually he'll get tired of picking on me and move on to the next guy.

00:06:01.000 No, I'm not done with you.

00:06:03.000 I'm not done with you yet.

00:06:07.000 Right?

00:06:07.000 Please be done with me.

00:06:09.000 What the fuck, man? 1.00

00:06:10.000 I just came to see a comedy show. 1.00

00:06:12.000 I didn't want to be a part of it. 0.96

00:06:14.000 Just brutalize people. 0.99

00:06:16.000 Radical, man. 0.99

00:06:17.000 But hilarious.

00:06:17.000 The story was radical back then, you know?

00:06:19.000 Everybody was just flying around on coke in his 80s and there was rock bands and great comedy going on, you know?

00:06:26.000 That's what Awesome.

00:06:47.000 The one about doing coke for like 78 hours and hallucinating for a year. 0.99

00:06:52.000 He was hearing voices for a fucking year. 0.98

00:06:54.000 He had voices talking in his head for a year after that. 0.99

00:06:57.000 That was the era, man.

00:06:59.000 I mean, I did coke, you know, not every day, but like all the time.

00:07:02.000 You just did coke.

00:07:03.000 It was just what you did, man.

00:07:05.000 It was raw coke and, you know, and it wasn't about getting high.

00:07:09.000 It was just about keep rolling.

00:07:11.000 You know, let's keep this rolling, man.

00:07:13.000 Rock!

00:07:14.000 You don't want to quit.

00:07:15.000 Nope.

00:07:15.000 You don't want to go to bed.

00:07:16.000 You know, yeah.

00:07:17.000 Let's go bowling.

00:07:18.000 Then the liquor store will be open.

00:07:19.000 We'll hit that.

00:07:20.000 Then we'll go to this party in the canyon.

00:07:22.000 Oh, God.

00:07:23.000 I know it's brutal, but it's fun.

00:07:24.000 That's insane.

00:07:25.000 It's gross now to think about it.

00:07:28.000 I worship sleep so much now. 1.00

00:07:30.000 I'm like, fuck that, man. 1.00

00:07:32.000 I know when you're young, you'll put that sleep off. 1.00

00:07:36.000 I've done that many times.

00:07:37.000 Just stayed up and just figured I'll go to bed tonight.

00:07:40.000 Just go to bed tonight.

00:07:41.000 Ride it out. 0.86

00:07:42.000 And then the last few hours of your day, you're just a zombie. 1.00

00:07:46.000 We're such bitches. 1.00

00:07:48.000 We need sleep. 1.00

00:07:49.000 If we don't get that sleep, you're working at 40% capacity.

00:07:52.000 You have to struggle with everything you do.

00:07:54.000 Yeah, hilarious, right?

00:07:55.000 I get angry when I don't get sleep.

00:07:57.000 You know what I mean? 1.00

00:07:58.000 I'm like, fuck this crowd! 1.00

00:08:00.000 I remember being young, though, thinking, like, just feeling like shit after pulling an all-nighter. 1.00

00:08:05.000 And thinking, you know, the difference between me then and me now is I'm probably more aware of how I feel like shit now. 0.97

00:08:11.000 I'm more aware of what my body actually requires. 0.92

00:08:14.000 When you're 20 years old and you do something like that, you don't think anything of it.

00:08:17.000 You just...

00:08:18.000 You go, why am I so tired?

00:08:20.000 Yeah, the endurance is crazy.

00:08:22.000 When you're young, it's weird.

00:08:24.000 You can lay there, and when you hear your body working, that's scary.

00:08:28.000 When it's just going boom, boom, boom, boom.

00:08:31.000 And you think about what you've made it do.

00:08:33.000 It's just all booze and drugs in you, and you haven't eaten a couple days?

00:08:37.000 That's gross.

00:08:40.000 So how old were you when you got into stand-up?

00:08:43.000 44. Wow.

00:08:44.000 I've been doing it five and a half years exactly last week.

00:08:48.000 Wow.

00:08:48.000 2,600 spots.

00:08:49.000 That's a fucking hustle, dude. 0.99

00:08:51.000 You know what's weird? 1.00

00:08:52.000 Joe, this is a true story.

00:08:54.000 When I started thinking of doing comedy, all the guys I loved were in their 40s.

00:08:59.000 You know, it's like you, CK, Tom Papa, I was watching a lot, Burr, and I had, I was really naive thinking like, oh, it's not an age thing, like rock, you know? 0.95

00:09:12.000 Right, whereas a rock star, there's only a few guys that get to that Mick Jagger level where you can do whatever the fuck you want.

00:09:19.000 And they're looked at as like, you know, old rockers or whatever, but comedians aren't looked at as old comics.

00:09:27.000 They're looked at as comics.

00:09:29.000 Because most of the killers are in their 40s.

00:09:32.000 You know, the guys I love.

00:09:34.000 Well, there's something about your insight when you get into your 40s that is probably missing when you're in your 30s.

00:09:40.000 You can be really funny when you're in your 30s, but it's very rare that you find someone in their 30s that has the insight of a Louis C.K. The point of view, the unique perspective of a Burr.

00:09:53.000 It takes a lot of living to become that guy.

00:09:56.000 Yeah, you have to travel.

00:09:58.000 You have to think.

00:10:00.000 Yeah, you do. 1.00

00:10:00.000 You have to understand your own bullshit, too. 1.00

00:10:04.000 Which a lot of times you don't yet when you're in your 30s. 0.99

00:10:06.000 When you're in your 30s, even if you're really funny, you might have some funny points. 1.00

00:10:09.000 You probably don't understand your own bullshit yet. 0.99

00:10:12.000 Yeah, you've got to admit to yourself. 1.00

00:10:14.000 You've got to figure it out. 0.97

00:10:16.000 I'm shitty in some ways. 0.95

00:10:17.000 Yeah, and then you talk about it on stage. 0.96

00:10:19.000 Did you go to AA or one of those things where you stand on a podium and make people laugh?

00:10:24.000 That's how a lot of guys start, right?

00:10:26.000 Yeah, I didn't do that.

00:10:27.000 What happened was I drank and did coke every night, but I sang every night and I had three guys in my band.

00:10:34.000 I was losing my voice.

00:10:36.000 So I go to the doctor and he goes, You can't drink alcohol.

00:10:40.000 It dries out your vocal cords.

00:10:42.000 You've got, like, what they call pre-nodes, which is like calluses on your vocal cords, like Adele God or Steven Tyler or Paul Stanley, and you've got to go in and get them lasered off.

00:10:53.000 You won't be able to sing for six months.

00:10:55.000 Whoa! 0.71

00:10:56.000 And when you're making a living, even two days off, even with comedy, that completely makes the machine crumble.

00:11:05.000 So my guys are like, hey, you can't drink, you know, we gotta eat.

00:11:10.000 And I felt like that too.

00:11:11.000 I was like, alright, I gotta quit for a little bit and see what happens.

00:11:14.000 Then after three weeks went by, I felt fantastic and I just never looked back.

00:11:19.000 So you never got it lasered?

00:11:20.000 No.

00:11:21.000 What I did was, he told me two things.

00:11:23.000 Quit drinking, don't talk all day, and don't talk after gigs.

00:11:27.000 And I just chilled for like three weeks.

00:11:30.000 And a lot of Ricolas, throat coat tea.

00:11:34.000 And the number one thing I did wrong, which people don't know, was when you clear your throat, it's the worst thing you can do when you go... 0.98

00:11:42.000 Damn, I do that all the time. 0.95

00:11:43.000 It bangs your vocal cords together, and that's the worst thing you can do for your voice. 1.00

00:11:47.000 Maybe you just have bitch-ass vocal cords. 1.00

00:11:50.000 My vocal cords don't mind rumbling a little bit. 1.00

00:11:53.000 Button heads.

00:11:55.000 Your vocal cords lift weights.

00:11:58.000 They're getting jacked running hills.

00:12:01.000 So that was what made you quit drinking?

00:12:04.000 You didn't hit a rock bottom.

00:12:05.000 I had some radical...

00:12:07.000 I mean, I was getting pretty radical.

00:12:08.000 I threw a beer in an A&R guy's face.

00:12:12.000 Why'd you do that?

00:12:12.000 What's an A&R guy?

00:12:13.000 That's a radio executive?

00:12:15.000 Artist in Residence.

00:12:15.000 That's a guy that signs you to record labels.

00:12:18.000 Oh, really?

00:12:18.000 Yeah, so we're doing a showcase for...

00:12:21.000 What does it stand for?

00:12:21.000 Artists in Residence?

00:12:24.000 Representors?

00:12:26.000 Representors.

00:12:26.000 Artists in Relations.

00:12:27.000 Oh, okay.

00:12:29.000 You threw a beer in his face?

00:12:31.000 Yeah.

00:12:32.000 We were doing a showcase and there was a bunch of record labels come down to see us.

00:12:37.000 They're all hot.

00:12:38.000 And right before we go on, they all start leaving. 0.99

00:12:42.000 Our manager's like, I don't know what the fuck's going on. 0.98

00:12:44.000 They're all leaving. 0.98

00:12:45.000 And so he calls them the next day and I go, well, such and such said he signed you guys yesterday at lunch.

00:12:51.000 And so we left.

00:12:53.000 It was like a scam he did so he could watch us on his own.

00:12:56.000 So I saw him about a month later.

00:12:58.000 I was pretty drunk at an awards show.

00:13:00.000 And I just had a beer and just right on his face and talks.

00:13:04.000 I was like, yeah, that's probably not good.

00:13:09.000 That's not good for the business.

00:13:10.000 Later, though, I seen him later, and he's like, that's pretty gangster.

00:13:14.000 Really?

00:13:15.000 He said it was gangster?

00:13:16.000 Yeah, he knew.

00:13:17.000 That's like the GNR era of rockers, you know? 0.92

00:13:20.000 They're crazy. 1.00

00:13:21.000 What the fuck? 1.00

00:13:22.000 The Guns N' Roses era. 0.99

00:13:23.000 Were you around for that?

00:13:25.000 Yeah.

00:13:26.000 Did you see them come up?

00:13:27.000 I saw them come up big time, yeah.

00:13:29.000 I played in that whole scene, you know?

00:13:32.000 What was that like, man?

00:13:33.000 That seems like one of the weirdest eras of Hollywood, because it seems like a rock and roll era that nobody really saw coming, like a late 80s.

00:13:40.000 I mean, outside of them, and there's quite a few big bands from back then, but not necessarily big bands from L.A. They were so much better than everybody else.

00:13:50.000 You had them and Jane's Addiction, really.

00:13:53.000 Those were the two, and they played gigs together and stuff.

00:13:56.000 When you think about the two styles, they're totally different, but both the recipes are the same.

00:14:03.000 Danger. 0.96

00:14:04.000 And whenever you have something really fucking dangerous, it's going to hit with kids, because you're coming out of that Reagan era, and everything's kind of shitty. 0.98

00:14:14.000 It's like comedy was big in the 80s. 0.98

00:14:16.000 When it's bad, people grab onto it.

00:14:19.000 And you had a long time of bad music.

00:14:22.000 You had a bunch of super glam, spandex stuff, and then this thing comes in, Welcome to the Jungle.

00:14:29.000 And it feels real.

00:14:30.000 And the whole record's good.

00:14:32.000 That's why it made it.

00:14:33.000 It wasn't one, two songs.

00:14:35.000 Yeah, that record's fantastic.

00:14:37.000 But if you look at the original video for Welcome to the Jungle...

00:14:40.000 Yeah, he had t-step hair.

00:14:41.000 He's on the borderline of that glam thing.

00:14:45.000 Like, somebody must have talked him into dressing like that, or he didn't know any better yet. 0.97

00:14:50.000 But his hair was like Farrah Fawcett or some shit. 0.98

00:14:53.000 You should have seen Dean's hair, man. 0.99

00:14:54.000 It was just as bad.

00:14:55.000 I got pictures.

00:14:55.000 Really?

00:14:56.000 Hell yeah! 0.95

00:14:56.000 Do you have pictures we can see online? 0.95

00:14:59.000 Do you have an Instagram page or anything?

00:15:01.000 Yeah, Dean Del Rey.

00:15:03.000 There's tons of pictures of me on there from the old days.

00:15:06.000 Jamie will find it.

00:15:07.000 But I want to see Axl Rose first.

00:15:09.000 Welcome to the jungle.

00:15:11.000 Yeah, because it changed.

00:15:12.000 Then it was like bandanas and greasy hair and the heroin look.

00:15:16.000 He went from the hairband look to the heroin look.

00:15:19.000 Yeah.

00:15:19.000 You know?

00:15:20.000 I remember specifically seeing them.

00:15:23.000 This was the turning point.

00:15:24.000 They were grinding out, and the record came out.

00:15:27.000 You know that record failed when it first came out?

00:15:29.000 People don't know.

00:15:30.000 What?

00:15:30.000 First single, Bombed.

00:15:32.000 Really?

00:15:32.000 What was the first single?

00:15:33.000 Yeah, Welcome to the Jungle.

00:15:33.000 That was the first single that bombed?

00:15:35.000 Well, dudes liked it, but it wasn't, you know, it took, you had to wait until you got the sweet child of mine. 0.97

00:15:39.000 Look at his hair.

00:15:41.000 Yeah, there you go.

00:15:42.000 Wow.

00:15:44.000 Look at that photo.

00:15:46.000 It's kind of grungy, slightly grungy, but you know what it is?

00:15:50.000 It's like you tried to be grunge there.

00:15:52.000 You worked it.

00:15:54.000 Your hair doesn't stick up that much.

00:15:57.000 No, no, that's hairspray.

00:15:59.000 Unless you work in a chemical plant.

00:16:00.000 You gotta think though, man.

00:16:03.000 This era, when you look at this, and I always describe this to people, and you have tattoos and I have tattoos.

00:16:10.000 In this era of the 80s, when you had tattoos, that meant you were never working a regular job at that time.

00:16:18.000 Now you work at Chipotle, you work at Starbucks, wherever.

00:16:21.000 But at that time, that meant no one was hiring you except construction or landscaping.

00:16:28.000 Yeah.

00:16:28.000 You weren't going to get a job, so that was the CEO. I mean, he has multiple giant tattoos, too.

00:16:34.000 Yeah, he just went out.

00:16:36.000 Now you've got like 16-year-old kids that have sleeves.

00:16:38.000 Exactly. 0.98

00:16:39.000 Side boobs, boobs in fifth grade. 0.96

00:16:41.000 I always say, I don't think I've got enough tattoos to work at Chipotle. 0.94

00:16:44.000 Yeah, and ladies, what's up with the inspirational quotes below the side boob? 1.00

00:16:49.000 So, that is becoming... 0.98

00:16:52.000 That is the fucking barbed wire around the bicep of the 2015 era. 1.00

00:16:58.000 The inspirational quote on your side boob. 0.99

00:17:00.000 That's the new tramp stamp.

00:17:02.000 Weird, right? 0.98

00:17:03.000 And it's always like, you know, some fucking Ralph Waldo Emerson quote or something biblical. 0.96

00:17:09.000 It's never good like a Charles Bukowski thing, you know, like I'm a day drinker. 0.98

00:17:13.000 Right.

00:17:14.000 That would be dope, right?

00:17:16.000 He was another one.

00:17:18.000 It's one of my favorite representations of Hollywood.

00:17:20.000 God, I love Bukowski.

00:17:22.000 You know, that's why I like Burr.

00:17:25.000 I like you.

00:17:25.000 I like guys that are dangerous, and I'm attracted to the edge.

00:17:30.000 I just love that.

00:17:31.000 Are you living on the edge?

00:17:33.000 I'm living on the edge!

00:17:35.000 You can't drink at that day!

00:17:38.000 It's funny, Dean is now addicted to candy, though.

00:17:41.000 I went over to his house, trash cans full of candy wrappers.

00:17:45.000 That's bad for you, son.

00:17:46.000 I know.

00:17:46.000 That's why I like listening to you, Joe, because it's like, I'm trying to get healthy, for real.

00:17:50.000 I quit caffeine, I don't smoke, I don't drink, because I don't want to die.

00:17:55.000 I work seven nights a week, man.

00:17:58.000 Do you eat healthy?

00:17:59.000 I do.

00:18:00.000 I don't ever eat fast food.

00:18:02.000 Ever.

00:18:03.000 But you can do, which is just as bad.

00:18:06.000 Well, Ari and I are trying to quit, so we cut one day out.

00:18:09.000 I'm up to two days now, sometimes three.

00:18:12.000 Yeah, sugar can be really addictive.

00:18:13.000 You know why it's brutal?

00:18:15.000 Why?

00:18:15.000 Because you've been doing it since you were two.

00:18:17.000 You start drugs maybe when you're 18, 19, but two, your cereal's loaded, your drinks are loaded, your fucking bread's loaded. 1.00

00:18:24.000 Fucking bread. 1.00

00:18:25.000 Right? 1.00

00:18:25.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:18:26.000 The first day I quit smoking, I ate six packs of Mentos, and now I have the hugest canker sore in my mouth.

00:18:32.000 From Mentos?

00:18:33.000 From just eating too much candy.

00:18:35.000 Ew.

00:18:36.000 It hurts really bad.

00:18:37.000 I don't know if it's from that, though.

00:18:39.000 It could be with you. 1.00

00:18:39.000 It could be from a lot of shit. 1.00

00:18:41.000 Or it's vaginitis. 1.00

00:18:42.000 Yeah, like, what are you, an analyst?

00:18:44.000 Like, you've observed all your illnesses?

00:18:46.000 Well, I know this one.

00:18:47.000 This one came from Toronto.

00:18:49.000 Yeah.

00:18:51.000 You don't know where these sores are coming from.

00:18:54.000 They're just on your face.

00:18:55.000 Toronto.

00:18:56.000 We're going to Toronto, man.

00:18:58.000 We'll be there next month.

00:19:00.000 I love Toronto.

00:19:01.000 Me too, right?

00:19:02.000 The dudes up there.

00:19:03.000 I did that room and they were talking about you and they were like, what's the epic night?

00:19:08.000 The comedy underground there?

00:19:10.000 Yeah, the pot club.

00:19:12.000 Yeah, they had a picture of you in there and stuff.

00:19:14.000 I've done it a few times.

00:19:15.000 It's so That place is weird because it makes you realize you can get a secondhand buzz real easy. 0.99

00:19:22.000 I used to think that getting high secondhand was bullshit. 1.00

00:19:26.000 Not in that fucking room. 1.00

00:19:27.000 You go in that room, you can't even see the back of the room, and the room's only 20 feet deep. 1.00

00:19:32.000 You can't see it.

00:19:33.000 We're in a cloud.

00:19:34.000 It's one of the few places that actually made Doug Benson green out, where he passed out in the middle of the lobby.

00:19:41.000 And then Tony Hinchcliffe got off stage, and he took off his shirt and went outside and almost fell down.

00:19:48.000 Oh my God.

00:19:49.000 I was headlining in there, doing an hour, and I don't smoke weed.

00:19:54.000 And 30 minutes in, my throat was like someone shaved it with sandpaper.

00:20:00.000 And then I was completely loaded, and I was up there like, this is kind of cool, man.

00:20:05.000 I don't even know where I'm at.

00:20:06.000 Yeah, they can hotbox any person in the world.

00:20:08.000 I mean, just the air in there, it's so THC-filled.

00:20:12.000 There's no real air in there.

00:20:13.000 None.

00:20:14.000 None.

00:20:14.000 No, it's all pot smoke.

00:20:16.000 And now they're all doing that dabbing, so they're straight zombies, too. 0.98

00:20:22.000 That's crackhead. 0.99

00:20:23.000 I mean, they are zombies! 0.99

00:20:26.000 Explain dabbing.

00:20:27.000 What's the difference between dabbing...

00:20:29.000 It's smoking weed.

00:20:30.000 They get this wax, like the oil.

00:20:34.000 It's like hash, exactly, but it's even stronger, they say. 0.98

00:20:37.000 And then they've got this electrical fucking wand, and they kind of rub it over it, and then they suck in this, you know, this like... 0.99

00:20:45.000 It's the worst. 0.99

00:20:45.000 It's straight THC. There's no weed. 0.99

00:20:48.000 How does the wave of what over it?

00:20:50.000 It's pretty much exactly like smoking crack on aluminum foil, but it's in a nice glass thing, so you think it's not like crack.

00:20:57.000 Jamie, pull out a video of people dabbing.

00:20:59.000 Have you ever taken a hot knife hit of a hash or anything like that?

00:21:02.000 Yes.

00:21:03.000 Doing the exact same thing.

00:21:04.000 But way stronger.

00:21:05.000 You know what I've seen?

00:21:06.000 This guy who was my...

00:21:09.000 He wasn't even an agent.

00:21:10.000 He was my...

00:21:11.000 It wasn't my agent.

00:21:12.000 He was my manager's friend, who was also an agent.

00:21:15.000 He lit some hash.

00:21:16.000 He put hash on a...

00:21:18.000 Like a...

00:21:19.000 Thumbtack?

00:21:21.000 Yeah.

00:21:21.000 He put the piece of hash on the thumbtack, lit it on fire, and then put it under a glass.

00:21:25.000 Oh, yeah.

00:21:25.000 And let it fill the glass up, and then he lifted the glass up, and it went...

00:21:28.000 I'm like, oh great, this guy's a drug addict.

00:21:30.000 Yeah, exactly. 0.94

00:21:30.000 That's all I could think of was this guy was a drug addict. 0.94

00:21:32.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:21:33.000 Like, if you just lit a joint, like, I was just, I didn't, I had no idea what the fuck, what the fuck hash was back then. 0.99

00:21:40.000 And look at all the tools and all this shit. 0.98

00:21:42.000 Oh yeah, they carry a full briefcase with him of all these, like, like, Ari and I were in Sacramento at the punchline and this guy goes, come out to the car, he opened his trunk and he had like a dab center. 0.98

00:21:53.000 What is going on here?

00:21:54.000 So this guy's just hanging on there, and she's sort of working it while he smokes it?

00:21:59.000 Yeah, so she's burning it.

00:22:00.000 She's pretty much burning it. 0.79

00:22:02.000 But, Joe, now they have state-of-the-art things.

00:22:04.000 They're like an electric wand, and it rubs over it.

00:22:08.000 There's no fire.

00:22:09.000 It's like electric.

00:22:10.000 This is why potheads have a bad name. 0.96

00:22:12.000 This video. 1.00

00:22:13.000 These guys waiting in line to get their brains obliterated.

00:22:17.000 I think I told you this, Joe, that I recently was in San Francisco, and there was one of these places across the street from the comedy club, and me, Tiffany, Haddish, and Tony went across the street to check out this dab place, and there was like half of the people were homeless, 0.85

00:22:33.000 that were just sitting there spending their money.

00:22:34.000 That's like San Francisco anywhere, though.

00:22:36.000 Yeah, but it was like being in a crack house.

00:22:39.000 And it looked like people were doing crack, and people were passed out like it was a crack house.

00:22:44.000 But it's not the same thing, because crack is like an elevated thing.

00:22:47.000 Like, you get whacked out, right?

00:22:49.000 But this is just zombied from weed.

00:22:51.000 And they are really zombied, though, Joe. 0.99

00:22:54.000 I'm talking about, you're looking at a guy two feet away, and you're going, this guy's fucking dead. 0.99

00:22:59.000 Yeah. 0.97

00:22:59.000 And you're doing comedy for them. 0.97

00:23:03.000 You're doing comedy for the Night of the Living Day.

00:23:07.000 There's a place in North Hollywood.

00:23:09.000 That's the spot.

00:23:09.000 That's the spot where it's a dab bar and then it's a comedy stage and me and Freddie Lockhart.

00:23:14.000 Yeah.

00:23:15.000 You've got to try this place.

00:23:16.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:23:16.000 It's the dumbest fucking idea ever. 1.00

00:23:18.000 It's the dumbest idea ever. 1.00

00:23:20.000 Me and Freddie both took a hit, and then we walked outside, and it makes you cough. 0.99

00:23:24.000 At least me.

00:23:24.000 Me and Freddie coughed for like 30 minutes, and we couldn't even talk.

00:23:27.000 We're like, I can't breathe.

00:23:29.000 And then we had to go on stage.

00:23:30.000 Nobody was paying attention.

00:23:31.000 They were looking through you.

00:23:33.000 They were like figuring out, like talking to Jerry, and they had no idea what was going on.

00:23:37.000 One guy was face down onto the stage in front of me, and I'm like, are we going to check on this guy?

00:23:43.000 Yeah.

00:23:44.000 You know what I mean?

00:23:45.000 No one cares. 0.99

00:23:46.000 I'm up there doing dick jokes. 1.00

00:23:48.000 It's amazing that pot really can't kill you. 1.00

00:23:52.000 I know. 0.99

00:23:52.000 If you had thought that with some of these dab guys, with some of these people that have these crazy contraptions, like these ridiculous vaporizers, somewhere along the line, someone must have fucking hit the wall. 0.99

00:24:03.000 You think? 0.98

00:24:03.000 Nobody. 0.98

00:24:04.000 Nobody.

00:24:04.000 Ever.

00:24:05.000 I felt like I was dying on weed many times.

00:24:08.000 Oh, yeah.

00:24:09.000 I smoked weed about five, six, about seven years ago.

00:24:11.000 I got back into weed big time before I started comedy.

00:24:14.000 And I was like, whoa, this isn't 80s weed.

00:24:19.000 You know, like one hit, my heart would...

00:24:22.000 It's definitely a totally different experience, but apparently this kind of weed was available.

00:24:29.000 There's been some scientists that have done some studies on the different strains and what the potency.

00:24:36.000 Apparently there was some pretty fucking strong weed back in the day, like Acapulco Gold used to call it.

00:24:42.000 You could get a hold of some really strong weed, but the strongest weed today is stronger than that, and that weed was rare. 0.97

00:24:52.000 You know, like, you'll get a hold of some today that's not that good, but most of the weed today is pretty fucking good.

00:25:00.000 Rarely you would get, like, quality California weed back then.

00:25:03.000 I just asked my uncle the same thing.

00:25:05.000 I was like, you know, about it.

00:25:06.000 He goes, no, it was available.

00:25:08.000 I had heard of it.

00:25:09.000 He's like, I smoked weed every day and never saw it.

00:25:12.000 I went to Cannabis Cup, and they...

00:25:17.000 Take you out there and you can vote on the weed.

00:25:19.000 Wow.

00:25:20.000 It's in Amsterdam once a year.

00:25:22.000 And then the winners...

00:25:23.000 It's a big deal because the winners sell these seeds for big money.

00:25:26.000 I was a judge.

00:25:27.000 Yeah, exactly.

00:25:28.000 I was a judge at one in L.A. I was obliterated.

00:25:31.000 I had no idea what anything tasted like. 1.00

00:25:33.000 Yeah, I smoked some shit. 1.00

00:25:35.000 White Widow No. 1.00

00:25:36.000 5. Well, they gave me like a box...

00:25:39.000 Like, and it had, you know all those things that people do for vitamins where they have Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and it's all labeled on top?

00:25:45.000 And you pop up each individual.

00:25:47.000 They had one of those, filled with weed.

00:25:49.000 And they give it to you. 0.99

00:25:50.000 Like, good fucking luck remembering what anything is. 0.97

00:25:52.000 Yeah, the first three people you try one every year, probably. 0.98

00:25:56.000 Not even, man.

00:25:57.000 It's like relationships.

00:25:58.000 It's like your friend. 1.00

00:25:59.000 Like, oh, this is my friend's shit, man. 0.99

00:26:01.000 You know, they don't, like, check to see if anybody... 0.99

00:26:04.000 And it's also just random. 0.98

00:26:06.000 It's fucking totally random. 0.98

00:26:07.000 Yeah. 0.95

00:26:08.000 I love Amsterdam.

00:26:09.000 Some stuff does taste pretty good.

00:26:11.000 Some of it has a different kind of flavor to it, but not enough that you would award it anything.

00:26:17.000 I'm a black hash guy.

00:26:18.000 I love it more than anything.

00:26:20.000 The taste is great.

00:26:21.000 Black hash?

00:26:21.000 Yeah.

00:26:22.000 What's black hash?

00:26:23.000 Just black hash.

00:26:24.000 It's like that oily black hash that's made out of the oil, and you can kind of pull it off.

00:26:28.000 You mean resin?

00:26:29.000 No, it looks like a ball, like a tar ball.

00:26:32.000 You peel a piece off, it tastes great, man.

00:26:36.000 And it's a different high.

00:26:37.000 Yeah, well, when you're eating hash, especially if you're eating it, even if you're smoking it, you're getting a different...

00:26:44.000 It's like a vaporizer high more than it's like a joint high.

00:26:48.000 Yeah, I like it better.

00:26:49.000 Do you?

00:26:50.000 Yeah, because I think it's more mellow for me, you know? 0.99

00:26:53.000 It doesn't seem to grab me and go, your heart, you're shitting your pants. 0.99

00:26:57.000 I always think I'm shitting my pants on weed. 0.99

00:27:00.000 Like, I feel like there's no feeling below. 0.70

00:27:06.000 I usually feel the opposite.

00:27:07.000 I feel like I have too much feeling going on.

00:27:09.000 Too aware of all the different processes that are happening.

00:27:12.000 I feel it all.

00:27:13.000 But it does loosen up the bowels. 1.00

00:27:15.000 It does get you where you want to take a giant shit. 1.00

00:27:18.000 When was the last time you smoked weed? 1.00

00:27:22.000 Probably five years ago.

00:27:23.000 Right when I started comedy, I realized I had to quit because it was wiping out my short-term memory. 0.99

00:27:27.000 I'd be on stage and I'd be like, Fuck, what's next? 0.99

00:27:30.000 I couldn't remember. 1.00

00:27:31.000 Wow.

00:27:32.000 I could not remember what was next, but I can remember 20 years ago.

00:27:35.000 And this was no partying back then, the drinking was done, all that?

00:27:40.000 Oh yeah, I stopped drinking in 92. No coke, no booze since 92. And that's all because of the throat?

00:27:46.000 Yeah, pretty much. 0.98

00:27:47.000 And then I realized, I gotta get my shit together. 0.99

00:27:50.000 I burned it up hard, Joe. 0.99

00:27:52.000 I mean hard.

00:27:53.000 So, like, guys like Paul Stanley, Paul Stanley never drank, right?

00:27:56.000 No, he didn't.

00:27:57.000 Those guys were clean dudes, but, you know, you can trash your voice.

00:28:00.000 He, you gotta think, Paul, every night he's like, oh!

00:28:05.000 Yeah.

00:28:05.000 Are you ready?

00:28:07.000 You know, that's all he ever does.

00:28:09.000 Cold gin! 0.97

00:28:10.000 Yeah, when he's talking, he's like, I think it's time for some cold gin!

00:28:15.000 Yeah.

00:28:16.000 You know, and it's like he never stops that.

00:28:18.000 Yeah, you're right. 0.56

00:28:19.000 That must be brutal in the neck.

00:28:21.000 Way easier to sing now.

00:28:22.000 You got in-ear monitors.

00:28:24.000 What's that?

00:28:24.000 There I am.

00:28:24.000 There I am in the middle.

00:28:26.000 Get the fuck out of here. 0.99

00:28:27.000 That's me, Joe, with the bullet boys. 1.00

00:28:29.000 Look at you. 1.00

00:28:29.000 You ridiculous bitch of me. 1.00

00:28:32.000 Oh my god. 1.00

00:28:33.000 And then on the left, that's me with Tracy Guns from LA Guns.

00:28:37.000 What do these guys look like now?

00:28:39.000 They look the same.

00:28:40.000 Impossible.

00:28:41.000 Fire up a photo, I think.

00:28:42.000 I have a photo like two days later.

00:28:44.000 Of LA Guns?

00:28:45.000 Of Tracy does a podcast with me.

00:28:48.000 Right there.

00:28:48.000 There you go.

00:28:49.000 There's us.

00:28:49.000 There's Tracy on the left.

00:28:51.000 That's the guy on the right from the Bullet Boys.

00:28:53.000 They do not look the same.

00:28:54.000 Well, I mean, they do.

00:28:56.000 Not even remotely.

00:28:57.000 Well, they got hats on.

00:28:58.000 You need glasses.

00:29:00.000 Look at my shirt.

00:29:01.000 Wright Snake.

00:29:02.000 Stephen Wright Wright Snake.

00:29:03.000 Oh, that's hilarious. 0.98

00:29:04.000 Fucking love Stephen Wright, man. 0.94

00:29:06.000 Do you have the picture of you and Axl Rose? 0.97

00:29:08.000 Axl, yeah.

00:29:09.000 That's on there.

00:29:09.000 Does that dude have a Che Guevara tattoo on his chest?

00:29:12.000 Yeah.

00:29:14.000 I wonder how much he really knows about Che Guevara. 0.97

00:29:16.000 There's a lot of people that got Che Guevara tattoos that didn't know a goddamn thing about Che Guevara. 0.94

00:29:21.000 They just wanted to look cool. 0.56

00:29:23.000 Who do you find in more old pictures of him?

00:29:25.000 Axl Rose is a really good picture.

00:29:27.000 It's towards the beginning, if you're in my Instagram.

00:29:31.000 The beginning of when it started?

00:29:33.000 Of my Instagram feed.

00:29:35.000 Oh, when you first started out?

00:29:38.000 Alright, Jamie will find it.

00:29:38.000 Yeah, he'll get it.

00:29:39.000 So you did it for all those years, you did music, and then what made you decide to do an open mic night?

00:29:47.000 Well, what happened was I stopped playing music basically because once the downloading came in, the illegal downloading, there's just no money for a mid-level musician anymore.

00:29:59.000 When I played music, you could play music for years and just be touring like the jam bands, like Grateful Dead, Blues Traveler, Black Crows, that kind of thing, and make some money selling CDs and shirts.

00:30:13.000 But once people just grabbed the CDs, it was out.

00:30:17.000 We'd come home, we'd be like, we got 400 bucks, we've been out three months.

00:30:23.000 That's cool for me, but when you've got band members with wives, they're like, hey, you've been gone for three months, you have no money. 0.57

00:30:32.000 I stopped.

00:30:34.000 And I started working at Harley.

00:30:36.000 Harley Davidson.

00:30:37.000 I was like, I guess I'll just do this. 1.00

00:30:39.000 But when you've been on stage 25 years, it starts to fuck with you. 0.97

00:30:43.000 You're like, man, I gotta be here at 9. And then I gotta be here all day. 0.94

00:30:48.000 What were you doing for Harley?

00:30:49.000 Selling bikes.

00:30:51.000 So you were like a bike salesman?

00:30:52.000 Yeah, over in Van Nuys.

00:30:54.000 Wow.

00:30:54.000 I actually liked it.

00:30:56.000 But it was...

00:30:58.000 It's just so different from...

00:31:00.000 Was it the death of a dream, like that kind of thing?

00:31:02.000 It really felt like that.

00:31:03.000 Yeah, I felt pretty...

00:31:04.000 I was really depressed and I was angry.

00:31:08.000 Ooh. 1.00

00:31:08.000 Yeah, because I was just kind of like, fuck these guys. 1.00

00:31:11.000 You know, you get a guy come in and you spend four or five hours with him. 1.00

00:31:14.000 Right.

00:31:15.000 You're on commission.

00:31:17.000 And then they go somewhere else, and they come over with their bike like, hey man, look, I bought one!

00:31:23.000 They don't know that you're on commission, I guess. 0.99

00:31:26.000 I went over there, they gave me a shirt, and you're like, fuck, I made no money today. 0.99

00:31:33.000 You know? 1.00

00:31:34.000 That's bullshit. 1.00

00:31:34.000 Yeah, it really is. 1.00

00:31:35.000 That's annoying.

00:31:36.000 That's the annoying thing about being a salesman, right?

00:31:39.000 It's brutal.

00:31:40.000 But there's...

00:31:42.000 Comedy is a lot like sales, you know what I mean?

00:31:45.000 Because you're constantly trying to get stage time, and with sales, you're constantly hoping somebody says yes.

00:31:53.000 Being a salesman is weird, too, because you're kind of a professional manipulator in a lot of ways.

00:31:58.000 Oh, it's horrible.

00:31:59.000 I told Burr this.

00:32:00.000 A lot of times, you feel like a drug dealer because you're selling something to somebody that they're probably going to die on.

00:32:07.000 You know what I mean?

00:32:08.000 Like, what do you mean?

00:32:09.000 Because they just don't know how to ride.

00:32:12.000 Oh, yeah.

00:32:13.000 And you're just, they're like, yeah, I'm on it.

00:32:15.000 You're like, hey, you took to school, right?

00:32:17.000 Oh, yeah, yeah.

00:32:18.000 And they're lying and they just, they roll out and you go, that guy has no idea.

00:32:22.000 He's on two wheels and he's going onto Van Nuys Boulevard right now.

00:32:26.000 You get that one of the most brutal streets. 0.99

00:32:29.000 Dude, I've been watching so many, ever since I got rear-ended the other day, I've been watching so many people texting in their fucking car. 0.99

00:32:34.000 Oh, yeah. 1.00

00:32:35.000 God damn, folks gotta stop doing that. 1.00

00:32:38.000 It's brutal. 1.00

00:32:39.000 Everybody thinks they can pull it off, and you see people doing this as they're driving, looking down, looking up, looking down, looking up, like, fuck. 0.99

00:32:46.000 The amount of time you cover while you're looking down, going straight forward before you look up again, you're talking about sometimes 20, 30 feet. 0.98

00:32:54.000 Bang! 1.00

00:32:55.000 At a time.

00:32:55.000 And that's 20, 30 feet that you didn't hit the brakes.

00:32:58.000 That something popped up in front of you and it's too late and boom!

00:33:01.000 Old lady's flying through the air. 0.78

00:33:03.000 She just walked out into traffic. 0.50

00:33:05.000 Yeah, man. 1.00

00:33:05.000 I mean, even when you're not texting, how many times on the 101 are you like, whoa, fuck, whoa, shit, look at this, whoa! 1.00

00:33:13.000 And now you're adding texting into it? 1.00

00:33:15.000 I watched some lady with a kid in her car today. 1.00

00:33:18.000 She was doing that thing that sometimes people, they take driving and it turns into like a sport.

00:33:24.000 Like they try to like get in front of the car to the left.

00:33:27.000 It was a two lane road and she was trying to get in front of, there was a guy to my right and there was a guy That was in front of us. 0.95

00:33:35.000 There was like a little bit of gap between me and him.

00:33:36.000 And she was trying to speed and get into that gap. 1.00

00:33:39.000 And right when she was trying to speed, someone else came into her lane.

00:33:42.000 They weren't paying attention.

00:33:43.000 And she had a kid in her car.

00:33:44.000 And she had to slam on the brake and go flying into the side of the road. 0.96

00:33:50.000 Emergency roll.

00:33:51.000 And I watched her do it.

00:33:52.000 And I watched her afterwards.

00:33:53.000 She was like touching the kid's chest and talking to him, trying to console him.

00:33:57.000 Because the kid freaked out.

00:33:58.000 Because she didn't need to do it.

00:33:59.000 There was no reason to do it.

00:34:01.000 And she drove normal after that.

00:34:03.000 She was behind me the entire way.

00:34:04.000 I kept an eye on her.

00:34:05.000 But I was like, this was just like a game.

00:34:07.000 She wanted to make that gap. 0.99

00:34:10.000 Some girl, I was on Laurel Canyon, and she came right up to me, like right onto my ass, and started flashing her lights. 1.00

00:34:16.000 I'm like, what the fuck is this lady doing? 1.00

00:34:18.000 And then she tries to pass me and then pushes me off the side of the road as another car starts coming. 0.99

00:34:23.000 Then she slams on her brake, goes behind me. 1.00

00:34:25.000 I'm like, what the fuck? 0.99

00:34:25.000 Like, she literally tried to, like, sideswipe me. 0.99

00:34:28.000 And then she gets ahead of me and just kept on slamming on her brakes and brake-checking me. 1.00

00:34:32.000 So I finally...

00:34:33.000 By the way, this is all on Periscope.

00:34:35.000 I finally...

00:34:39.000 He's periscoping! 1.00

00:34:39.000 He's periscoping his shits. 1.00

00:34:42.000 I have her sailing up here. 0.99

00:34:43.000 Yeah, you wonder why she wanted to get past you.

00:34:45.000 She's like, look at this guy! 1.00

00:34:47.000 Asshole periscoping. 0.99

00:34:48.000 I have a dash mount, so it's just sitting there. 0.74

00:34:50.000 But then we get to a stoplight, and I pull up next to her.

00:34:54.000 I roll down my window. 0.99

00:34:54.000 I'm like, what the fuck? 0.99

00:34:55.000 What the fuck is your problem? 1.00

00:34:56.000 And it's a girl with her hair really short, and she's sitting there like that, and she takes off in front of me, and then brakes checks me. 1.00

00:35:02.000 I'm like, what the fuck? 0.99

00:35:04.000 Second light, same thing. 1.00

00:35:05.000 I roll down, I'm like, hey, hey, you, you!

00:35:07.000 And she rolls down the window, gives me this smirk, like she's like, ha, ha, like that.

00:35:11.000 And then when it turns right, she just tries to side slam me again. 1.00

00:35:14.000 You should run into her and then kill her. 1.00

00:35:16.000 I know. 1.00

00:35:16.000 Get out of the car and beat her to death. 1.00

00:35:18.000 And then periscope it. 0.98

00:35:19.000 Well, I got her license plates the number. 0.97

00:35:20.000 You should periscope murder.

00:35:21.000 I got her license plate number, and I realized, do you know how easy it is to get people's information from a license plate?

00:35:27.000 I had no idea.

00:35:28.000 Wow.

00:35:28.000 It's just a $40 Google search.

00:35:30.000 So what's her name?

00:35:31.000 What's this gal's name? 1.00

00:35:32.000 The sweetheart. 0.70

00:35:33.000 She's really hot, though. 0.99

00:35:34.000 Is she?

00:35:35.000 She gets a pass.

00:35:36.000 She gets a pass? 0.96

00:35:37.000 She gets a pass! 1.00

00:35:38.000 You're so weak. 0.91

00:35:41.000 You will live your life in torture. 1.00

00:35:43.000 And you will never learn.

00:35:45.000 She gets a pass.

00:35:47.000 Her bone structure gives her a pass. 1.00

00:35:49.000 She's like half Japanese, half Mexican.

00:35:52.000 That's a great combo.

00:35:53.000 What is wrong with you?

00:35:55.000 What is wrong with you, son?

00:35:58.000 Yeah, somebody side swiped my car the other day.

00:36:00.000 $7,000 worth of damage to my car.

00:36:03.000 Just parked in front of my street.

00:36:04.000 And I had a drop cam that faces my front of my house.

00:36:09.000 And so I caught the person driving by.

00:36:12.000 And it was so fast that I couldn't even see anything.

00:36:15.000 It was just like they hit the car behind me, hit my car, and was going...

00:36:18.000 Someone hammered, probably.

00:36:19.000 80 miles an hour, yeah.

00:36:20.000 Wow.

00:36:21.000 It was so fast.

00:36:22.000 This happens like once every three months.

00:36:24.000 I'll drive down one of these little side streets.

00:36:26.000 I was on Van Owen.

00:36:27.000 And Van Owen had this car that someone obviously hit full speed in the rear.

00:36:34.000 And it was parked on the side of the road because people were texting or they're drunk or they fall asleep or something.

00:36:39.000 And those cars that are parked every couple months, I'll see one just caved in on the side of the road.

00:36:44.000 And you know, someone just drove along and probably was like looking down at a booty call.

00:36:49.000 And BAM! Fuck! 1.00

00:36:52.000 Did you see that woman that passed out like a month ago? 1.00

00:36:54.000 She passed out in the middle of the highway and she just fell asleep like in a lane.

00:36:58.000 And the cop is like pounding on the window and she won't wake up.

00:37:02.000 And so he had to...

00:37:03.000 I think he broke the window or something like that.

00:37:05.000 I can't remember.

00:37:05.000 So did she crash somewhere and fell asleep?

00:37:07.000 No, she just stopped in the middle of the highway.

00:37:10.000 Just took a nap.

00:37:10.000 And cars were like full stream going...

00:37:12.000 She stopped? 0.98

00:37:13.000 Did she park it?

00:37:13.000 Here it is right here.

00:37:15.000 Turn up the volume.

00:37:16.000 It's really clear.

00:37:18.000 Look, her car's moving. 1.00

00:37:22.000 What?

00:37:31.000 Whoa! 0.71

00:37:33.000 That is rad!

00:37:37.000 I guarantee you, somewhere there's a dude that is like, I told you! 0.99

00:37:46.000 I fucking told you! 1.00

00:37:48.000 I told you that bitch is crazy! 1.00

00:37:51.000 That's why we broke up! 1.00

00:37:52.000 She's pretty cute though, I'd give her a pass. 1.00

00:37:56.000 That's okay, honey.

00:37:58.000 Listen, you just need a driver.

00:38:00.000 I remember I was watching TMZ. I was watching TMZ and they're like, Rockstar crashes into nine cars in Hollywood.

00:38:08.000 I was like, oh, I gotta see this.

00:38:09.000 I'm laughing.

00:38:10.000 And then I knew the guy.

00:38:11.000 Oh, no.

00:38:12.000 Who was it?

00:38:13.000 It was this guy, Casey, from this band Amen.

00:38:16.000 They're kind of a punk metal band.

00:38:18.000 But I guess he was drunk, and he hit a car, and then he backed up to try to get away, and the front tire came off, and he didn't know.

00:38:26.000 So he's pressing the gas, and the car just drove right into all the other cars, because he had no steering.

00:38:32.000 Oh.

00:38:37.000 It's just unbelievable that you're expected to drive to bars and then figure out how to get home. 0.98

00:38:42.000 That's ridiculous. 0.96

00:38:43.000 The fact that everywhere you look, they're handing out one of the most ridiculous drugs, it happens to you almost instantly. 0.99

00:38:51.000 Take a shot of Jack Daniels. 1.00

00:38:52.000 Within ten minutes, you're fucking trash. 1.00

00:38:54.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:38:55.000 How's a bottle of wine legal?

00:38:56.000 Like, that's like five glasses of wine.

00:38:59.000 That's way beyond the legal limit for two people in a dinner, an hour.

00:39:04.000 And you always hear this.

00:39:05.000 I only had wine.

00:39:06.000 I only had wine.

00:39:07.000 I love when they say that.

00:39:09.000 Yeah, if two people are just sitting at a dinner table drinking wine, and it's a bottle, and you finish the bottle off, you're both hammered.

00:39:15.000 Yeah.

00:39:15.000 You can't drive.

00:39:17.000 No.

00:39:17.000 Everywhere you look, people are driving drunk.

00:39:19.000 Everywhere you look.

00:39:20.000 Yeah.

00:39:20.000 Friday and Saturday night, you know, go to a comedy show, any comedy show, and those people sit there, order two, three, four drinks, and then they get out of there and they drive.

00:39:29.000 Yep.

00:39:29.000 It's like, for cops, it must be like the easiest pickings ever on Friday and Saturday night.

00:39:33.000 Oh, shooting ducks in a barrel, right?

00:39:34.000 They have those new things for your iPhone, though.

00:39:37.000 It's like a breathalyzer for your iPhone.

00:39:40.000 Yeah.

00:39:40.000 So you can just sit there and just check every, you know.

00:39:43.000 There's going to be a steering wheel thing now.

00:39:45.000 There's a new steering wheel that they've developed.

00:39:47.000 It's going to know if you're drunk.

00:39:49.000 See if you can find the story.

00:39:51.000 It was just being handed around today on social media.

00:39:56.000 None of us are going to be able to drive anywhere.

00:39:58.000 We're all going to be stuck at Applebee's.

00:39:59.000 You know what it's going to be like, man?

00:40:00.000 It's going to be like the steroid test for the UFC. You're going to go, whoa, hold up.

00:40:05.000 Everyone's drunk.

00:40:08.000 The roads are just fucking completely empty because no one's car starts.

00:40:11.000 They would make the legal limit go up, though, if that happened, probably. 0.78

00:40:14.000 No, they would not.

00:40:15.000 You're not allowed to have a case of beer and two shots of fireball.

00:40:18.000 No, they definitely would not.

00:40:20.000 What they would do is everybody would be hiring their little brothers and sisters to drive them around.

00:40:24.000 Look at the quiz on the right side.

00:40:27.000 Does Bigfoot exist?

00:40:29.000 Yes.

00:40:31.000 But no, but no, but no, but no.

00:40:32.000 That's the type of people that are reorganizing.

00:40:35.000 What is that?

00:40:37.000 YKYT? Or WKYT? What is that?

00:40:40.000 Mountain News?

00:40:41.000 Oh, my God.

00:40:42.000 What's the poll result?

00:40:44.000 No, it's 73%.

00:40:45.000 8.4% is not sure.

00:40:48.000 Not sure!

00:40:49.000 I'm not really sure!

00:40:51.000 Those are the ones that are tuned into Survivor Man Bigfoot right now.

00:40:53.000 Oh, man.

00:40:54.000 I don't know.

00:40:55.000 God.

00:40:56.000 When they asked Les about the footage, he said no one really knows whether or not that's Bigfoot.

00:41:00.000 That's enough for me.

00:41:02.000 That's enough for me.

00:41:03.000 He might look like a dude in a monkey mask, but I'm telling you what.

00:41:06.000 I love that Bigfoot thing because did you see the guys that they said they're the ones that did that photo in 72 or whatever?

00:41:13.000 Well, this is Patterson Gimlin footage.

00:41:15.000 There's a guy named Bob Hieronymus.

00:41:17.000 He's the guy who wore the Bigfoot footage.

00:41:20.000 You can see there's videos of him walking next to the actual footage of Bigfoot. 0.99

00:41:24.000 He walked just like that fucking guy in the monkey suit. 0.99

00:41:26.000 Jamie, what are you doing? 1.00

00:41:27.000 You showed it to us?

00:41:28.000 You pulled it down?

00:41:29.000 It won't load?

00:41:32.000 That's legit Bigfoot.

00:41:34.000 That is Bigfoot's actual foot.

00:41:37.000 Totally real. 0.99

00:41:38.000 Don't fucking hate, bro. 0.97

00:41:40.000 I'm not. 0.99

00:41:41.000 I grew up in the 70s.

00:41:44.000 I love that stuff that Leonard Nimoy would do.

00:41:48.000 Oh yeah, In Search Of.

00:41:49.000 Yeah, remember he did the Noah's Ark one?

00:41:51.000 He actually did the full movies.

00:41:53.000 I went to the drive-in and saw the Noah's Ark one and the UFO one.

00:41:58.000 Oh here it is now.

00:41:59.000 Junk driver detector.

00:42:01.000 So how does this work?

00:42:05.000 According to the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration, approximately 10,000 people are killed by drunk drivers annually in the U.S. Look at this.

00:42:13.000 The long arm of the law is handcuffing this young man and taking him to the slammer.

00:42:19.000 Research is developing two detecting methods for the driver alcohol detection system.

00:42:24.000 One method allows the car to analyze a driver's exhaled breath for alcohol content.

00:42:29.000 See, that's annoying.

00:42:30.000 Yeah.

00:42:31.000 Because I had a friend who got a DUI and they made him do that.

00:42:34.000 Oh, they're going to have like a breath thing.

00:42:35.000 You see that?

00:42:36.000 Yeah.

00:42:37.000 It just smells your breath.

00:42:39.000 Another method shines an infrared light into your fingertips and it reads it.

00:42:44.000 Oh.

00:42:45.000 It was used alcohol limit of 0.08 blood alcohol content as its standard.

00:42:51.000 It used to be 09, right?

00:42:52.000 No, one.

00:42:53.000 It was one when I was growing up.

00:42:55.000 Parents could...

00:42:56.000 I wonder why they made it...

00:42:58.000 Money.

00:42:59.000 Make money.

00:42:59.000 Do you think that's what it is, or do you think it's because they realize that more people are actually crashing?

00:43:06.000 There must be some scientific basis for the 1 to 0.08, isn't there?

00:43:10.000 I don't know, but it seems to me that you should be able to go in and take a test like weed smokers.

00:43:17.000 How good you do?

00:43:17.000 Well, and be like, well, I've been drinking 25 years, so my limit should be higher.

00:43:21.000 It's true.

00:43:22.000 No, but the problem with that is then you're going to push it even further.

00:43:24.000 The guys are like, look, I did the legal limit.

00:43:27.000 I do three shots.

00:43:28.000 I can handle five.

00:43:29.000 Come on.

00:43:30.000 And you'll just keep pushing it. 1.00

00:43:31.000 But if you know that if you piss or you blow an 08, you're fucked, then you're not going to get drunk. 0.99

00:43:37.000 Nope. 0.99

00:43:38.000 Or if you do, you can't really argue about it.

00:43:41.000 I used to do these open mics, Joe, and this girl had the breathalyzer on her car, and she would pay guys to go out and breathe in her ride so she could drive home because she would be drunk. 1.00

00:43:52.000 Like, what are you doing?

00:43:53.000 So it looks like this is 98. In March of 98, President Clinton called for the promotion of a national legal limit under which it would be illegal, per se, to operate a motor vehicle with a blood alcohol concentration of.08 or higher across the country, including federal property.

00:44:09.000 Dick.

00:44:11.000 He was just trying to get people to not pay attention to his extra credit. 1.00

00:44:17.000 Dirty freak. 1.00

00:44:18.000 That guy. 1.00

00:44:19.000 That guy.

00:44:20.000 That was the last of the real ones.

00:44:22.000 Yeah. 0.98

00:44:23.000 The last of the ones that I can fucking relate to. 1.00

00:44:25.000 The real presidential dick-slingers. 0.99

00:44:27.000 I can't wait for him to be back. 0.99

00:44:30.000 Was Hillary?

00:44:31.000 Yeah.

00:44:31.000 You think Hillary's gonna win?

00:44:32.000 Oh, yeah.

00:44:33.000 100%.

00:44:34.000 Really?

00:44:34.000 I don't think so.

00:44:35.000 I don't think so.

00:44:36.000 They did some polls, man.

00:44:38.000 After the emails and stuff, people are just like...

00:44:40.000 They're looking...

00:44:41.000 First of all, people were looking for a reason to not like her because she's a woman. 0.94

00:44:44.000 Let's just get that out of the way.

00:44:46.000 And the fact that she's a woman that's also a Clinton, and it's a Clinton versus a Bush. 0.82

00:44:51.000 People are fucking totally tired of this dynasty thing that's been going on for the past... 0.68

00:44:55.000 X amount of decades, where they're just going back and forth, Bush to Bush to Bush. 0.99

00:45:00.000 I mean, the idea of a Jeb Bush being president after his brother fucked everything up, and then his dad fucked everything up before that, and if that's not our option, then the Clinton option, and it's Hillary, and Hillary, she's tied to a bunch of shady fucking things. 0.98

00:45:15.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:45:15.000 God, yeah, that property stuff. 0.99

00:45:17.000 Yeah, the Whitewater thing from back in Arkansas, the Vince Foster thing. 0.99

00:45:23.000 There's a lot of weird shit. 0.95

00:45:24.000 But that's the case with anybody that's involved in high-level politics like that. 1.00

00:45:29.000 They got some shit on you before you ever even get in there. 0.97

00:45:32.000 Otherwise, you don't get in there. 1.00

00:45:34.000 You can't be a politician and be clean.

00:45:36.000 That's impossible.

00:45:37.000 There's no way.

00:45:38.000 You literally can't get to the highest level where you're running for president unless you've been completely compromised by special interest groups.

00:45:46.000 That's the only way.

00:45:47.000 Those campaign contributions are critical. 0.99

00:45:49.000 And you have to sit down with those fucking corporation owners and the CEOs, and they figure out what the fuck is going to go down, like how laws are going to be structured, what influence is going to get them if this person gets into office. 0.99

00:46:04.000 They're not ambiguous about it. 1.00

00:46:06.000 No.

00:46:06.000 Like, maybe I can help you if I get in.

00:46:08.000 Give me a million bucks.

00:46:09.000 Maybe I can help you.

00:46:10.000 They know that this guy is going to make either regulations more relaxed or figure out how to push things through or figure out...

00:46:17.000 That's what politics are.

00:46:19.000 It's all money now.

00:46:20.000 Absolutely.

00:46:21.000 It's the whole ball of wax.

00:46:22.000 When they talk about the amount of time that a guy actually spends campaigning and trying to raise money, as opposed to how much time they spend on actual work, it's astounding.

00:46:35.000 A campaign is all about raising money.

00:46:38.000 Their whole thing is about raising money and occasionally giving speeches.

00:46:41.000 That's crazy, right?

00:46:43.000 It's just whoever gets the most money wins.

00:46:46.000 Not only that, you would have to have some insane amount of money spent just to try to make it into those debates.

00:46:53.000 Just to try to get into debates.

00:46:55.000 Like, the Commission for Presidential Debates is a privately owned corporation or a privately owned institution.

00:47:01.000 Like, you can't just get in the debate.

00:47:04.000 You can't say, hey, I'm Dean Del Rey and I've got some pretty good ideas and I'd like to run for president.

00:47:08.000 Yeah.

00:47:08.000 No.

00:47:09.000 You have to get more than, I believe, 15% on five different polls, and it's the polls that they choose.

00:47:16.000 Like, they can cherry-pick.

00:47:18.000 Like, say, if you're a guy like a Ross Perot-type guy that might fuck things up for them.

00:47:22.000 They didn't anticipate that when Ross Perot came around.

00:47:25.000 And he spent a shitload of his own money to try to run for president and ruined all their plans.

00:47:30.000 So right away afterwards, they monkeyed with the numbers and changed things.

00:47:34.000 It made it even more difficult for an independent person To debate in the presidential elections.

00:47:39.000 So to the average American, there's only two choices. 1.00

00:47:42.000 You see those two assholes on television. 0.98

00:47:45.000 You have your Republican debates, and you have your Democratic debates, and then when it breaks down to those two guys, those are the only two people running for president, as far as you know. 0.99

00:47:53.000 That's it.

00:47:54.000 That's a broken system.

00:47:57.000 Like, I'm 49. How old are you, Joe?

00:47:59.000 47. I'll be 48 in August.

00:48:01.000 Do you remember a good president?

00:48:03.000 Yeah, well, Clinton was good. 1.00

00:48:05.000 People liked Clinton until he got caught getting a blowjob. 1.00

00:48:09.000 Carter, man. 1.00

00:48:10.000 Carter's a sweetie.

00:48:11.000 Yeah, I love Carter.

00:48:12.000 He smoked weed with, what, Elvis on the roof?

00:48:15.000 That's cool.

00:48:16.000 Did he?

00:48:16.000 Yeah, at the White House.

00:48:17.000 That's what they say.

00:48:18.000 I don't know.

00:48:18.000 I never heard that.

00:48:19.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:48:19.000 That's one of those fucking... 1.00

00:48:20.000 I don't know. 0.99

00:48:21.000 Google that.

00:48:22.000 That's one of those rainbow bar and grill famous stories.

00:48:25.000 Yeah.

00:48:25.000 No, I think it was like in an Elvis book or something.

00:48:27.000 Who told you, Lenny from Motorhead?

00:48:28.000 Did he tell you?

00:48:29.000 Over a plate of spaghetti.

00:48:31.000 Hey, one time I met Elvis, he said he smoked weed with Jimmy.

00:48:35.000 Dean, was it you that told me the classic Ron Jeremy story about the rainbow and his sleeping?

00:48:42.000 No.

00:48:43.000 Never mind. 0.98

00:48:45.000 Supposedly, he's a narcoleptic.

00:48:47.000 Ron Jeremy?

00:48:48.000 Ron Jeremy.

00:48:49.000 He just falls asleep all the time.

00:48:51.000 And supposedly, he was at the Rainbow, and I forget who told me the story.

00:48:55.000 It says they looked over, and Ron just went right in his spaghetti and fell asleep in his spaghetti.

00:49:01.000 And then somebody put him up, and he had spaghetti all over him and stuff.

00:49:05.000 Oh, here it is.

00:49:06.000 Lily Nelson.

00:49:07.000 Oh, Willie.

00:49:08.000 Oh, Willie Nelson and Chip Carter.

00:49:10.000 Chip Carter smoked a joint together on the White House.

00:49:13.000 Oh, see how the story changes?

00:49:14.000 That's Chip Carter, though.

00:49:15.000 See how the story changes?

00:49:17.000 Yeah, boy.

00:49:17.000 That's how that game of telephone works.

00:49:20.000 Yeah, right?

00:49:21.000 So Chip Carter's Jimmy Carter's son?

00:49:23.000 Is that what it is?

00:49:23.000 Must be, right?

00:49:25.000 That's not the one that...

00:49:26.000 Why isn't Chip Carter running?

00:49:27.000 What's he doing?

00:49:28.000 Yeah.

00:49:28.000 Remember Billy Bill?

00:49:30.000 Remember Billy Bill?

00:49:30.000 His brother had Billy beer.

00:49:32.000 Yeah, Billy Carter was a mess. 1.00

00:49:34.000 And didn't Clinton have a fucking mess of a brother, too? 0.99

00:49:37.000 They both had a mess of a brother. 1.00

00:49:38.000 God, that's classic, right?

00:49:40.000 Yeah, the mess brother that almost ruins it for everybody.

00:49:45.000 Have you smoked any of the Willie weed?

00:49:47.000 He's got his own weed now?

00:49:48.000 No.

00:49:49.000 Everyone has their own weed.

00:49:50.000 Skin Diamond has their own weed right there. 0.96

00:49:52.000 There's like four different strains named after me.

00:49:54.000 I only had one of them.

00:49:59.000 Whatever the Willie Nelson weed is, he probably has nothing to do with it.

00:50:02.000 They're paying him.

00:50:04.000 Jimmy Carter was one of the guys that I remember being young and listening to him talk and I believed him.

00:50:12.000 He seemed sincere in a way that a lot of these guys just don't.

00:50:16.000 Some guys just seem so phony.

00:50:18.000 Carter, whether or not you agreed with him or disagreed with him, he seemed sincere.

00:50:22.000 It always bugged me that The Republicans had negotiated to release the hostages in Iran after Reagan was in office.

00:50:32.000 So they had made it a part of the negotiation to not release those people.

00:50:37.000 Didn't make them look like a hero.

00:50:39.000 Right.

00:50:39.000 But that means that those people had to stay prisoner longer.

00:50:44.000 Just for politics.

00:50:45.000 Yeah, I mean the Republicans at the time should have been shunned just for that.

00:50:49.000 Someone should have pointed that out if they could prove it.

00:50:52.000 If that was true, I don't know if that is true though.

00:50:55.000 That might be one of those Jimmy Carter on the roof with Elvis.

00:50:59.000 70s is wild, right?

00:51:01.000 He did heroin with Hendricks.

00:51:02.000 It was actually Maroon 5 doing Whippets.

00:51:06.000 You remember those gas wars, Joe?

00:51:08.000 It was Green Day.

00:51:08.000 With the odd and even plates, you could only buy gas every other day?

00:51:12.000 Whatever your last number on your license plate was?

00:51:16.000 No, I don't remember that.

00:51:17.000 That was crazy.

00:51:18.000 Was that out here?

00:51:19.000 Yeah, where'd you grow up?

00:51:21.000 How was the East Coast?

00:51:22.000 It was in California.

00:51:24.000 I thought it was across the nation, but you could only buy gas on every other day if whatever your last number on your license plate was.

00:51:34.000 It was like gas wars. 0.68

00:51:36.000 That makes no sense at all.

00:51:37.000 What if you just happen to run out of gas?

00:51:39.000 You just can't do anything?

00:51:40.000 Well, that was when they started making those really economical cars.

00:51:44.000 That was when they were trying to figure out the Saudi oil situation. 1.00

00:51:50.000 That's when cars turned to shit. 1.00

00:51:52.000 American cars went from being these awesome beasts to these dogshit cars. 1.00

00:51:57.000 Dogshit cars. 0.99

00:51:58.000 The 70s to the 60s.

00:51:59.000 The 60s to the 70s is the worst drop-off Of American cars ever.

00:52:03.000 It took us until, like, the 2000s before we recovered.

00:52:06.000 Yeah.

00:52:07.000 Yeah, like, remember the Mustang II? Oh, what a piece of shit! 1.00

00:52:10.000 All those Mustangs from the late 70s into the 80s were dog shit. 1.00

00:52:13.000 Four-cylinder Mustang? 1.00

00:52:15.000 Dog shit. 1.00

00:52:16.000 Oh, the worst. 1.00

00:52:16.000 Ugly, plastic, nonsense. 1.00

00:52:19.000 You go back to, like, a 69 Mach 1...

00:52:21.000 Just look at one of those, and then look at what happened in the 80s.

00:52:24.000 Like, how did you guys fall so far off?

00:52:26.000 It's so weird.

00:52:27.000 How did you do this?

00:52:28.000 Isn't that crazy?

00:52:28.000 Because those Mach 1s are beautiful, man.

00:52:30.000 All those old cars.

00:52:32.000 To this day.

00:52:33.000 To this day.

00:52:34.000 I mean, they might not be the most ergonomic.

00:52:36.000 They might not be the best as far as, like... 0.96

00:52:38.000 The wind resistance and all that shit. 0.79

00:52:41.000 But as far as the looks, they nailed it. 0.98

00:52:43.000 I had a Dodge Super B70. Oh, that was a great car.

00:52:47.000 Yeah, I'm selling it right now for my buddy.

00:52:48.000 I sold it to him 13 years ago.

00:52:50.000 Now he's selling it.

00:52:51.000 He's had it forever.

00:52:53.000 Is there a listing for it?

00:52:54.000 We'll get it sold right now.

00:52:55.000 Oh, yeah.

00:52:56.000 Where's it listed?

00:52:57.000 Just email me, Dean Del Rey.

00:52:58.000 Oh, don't say it.

00:53:00.000 Don't say it. 1.00

00:53:02.000 Jesus Christ, you're going to get a fucking tsunami of black dicks. 1.00

00:53:05.000 Oh, God damn. 1.00

00:53:06.000 Thanks for warning me. 1.00

00:53:08.000 I did not send black dicks to that email. 1.00

00:53:11.000 You almost did it. 0.99

00:53:12.000 You almost released your email address.

00:53:14.000 Yeah, I think there's a picture of it on my Instagram, though.

00:53:16.000 It says B5 Blue, and it's got the C-stripe and the crazy hood.

00:53:22.000 When you look at those cars and think that you could walk into a car lot in 70, I go, let me get that race car.

00:53:29.000 Well, that's what they're doing today.

00:53:30.000 Yeah, they are.

00:53:31.000 I love the Hellcat.

00:53:32.000 All these cars today, they're way better.

00:53:35.000 This is the first time where the new American cars, the way they drive is so much better than the old ones.

00:53:40.000 But still, the old ones, they still look better.

00:53:42.000 They still look better.

00:53:43.000 There's something about them, like a 69 Camaro.

00:53:45.000 There's something about it.

00:53:46.000 It's just like you can't beat it.

00:53:48.000 It has that classic muscle car look.

00:53:50.000 I love that car with the hideaway headlights, the four on the floor.

00:53:54.000 You had the tick-tock gauges and the wood dash and wood steering wheel, right?

00:53:58.000 And the console.

00:54:00.000 I had to have a console, man.

00:54:02.000 A console.

00:54:05.000 Console and 8-track player, man.

00:54:07.000 Those cars, they just nailed it.

00:54:10.000 They nailed it for between 65, and it's tough to go after 73. 73 Cudas are still badass.

00:54:18.000 I think they still made a Challenger in 73, but everything else was dog shit. 0.99

00:54:22.000 That was the end. 0.99

00:54:23.000 And the cars had already lost their power.

00:54:25.000 They were already, like, butchering the power on them.

00:54:28.000 Yeah.

00:54:28.000 But 70s, like, God, it's the last hurrah.

00:54:31.000 69's my car.

00:54:33.000 I love the 69 Super B with the 440 six-pack and the pistol grip shifter, you know?

00:54:41.000 Yeah, by the time 70 rolled around, Mustang had already taken a downturn.

00:54:44.000 That's true.

00:54:45.000 They already started to look weird.

00:54:46.000 And then, but the...

00:54:49.000 By the time 70 rolled around, the Cuda was just getting started.

00:54:53.000 Yeah, it's a killer. 0.94

00:54:54.000 Because the Cuda sucked before 70. I had the Cuda, the first one, where it was Barra Cuda. 0.91

00:55:00.000 And it was shorter and funky.

00:55:02.000 Then they dumped the Barra and make it longer.

00:55:04.000 They make a big body and it's killer.

00:55:07.000 But they only nailed it for three years.

00:55:08.000 Can you imagine that?

00:55:09.000 They went 70 to 73. And then everything after that, it's gone.

00:55:14.000 It's true.

00:55:15.000 Barracuda had it.

00:55:15.000 That was the last spark of the muscle car.

00:55:18.000 That was the last remaining era.

00:55:20.000 And sometimes you'll see one go for a million bucks.

00:55:23.000 Like a Hemi Cuda convertible purple made three.

00:55:26.000 One million dollars.

00:55:27.000 More.

00:55:27.000 More, yeah.

00:55:28.000 More now.

00:55:28.000 Yeah, on Barrett-Jackson more.

00:55:30.000 Now they're going for more.

00:55:31.000 I know private collections that they sell.

00:55:34.000 They have like this RK Motors in Charlotte.

00:55:36.000 They have this big... 1.00

00:55:40.000 I love that shit, man. 1.00

00:55:44.000 I'll talk to Burr for hours on cars. 1.00

00:55:46.000 We're just nuts, man.

00:55:48.000 I'm just like, this one! 0.75

00:55:49.000 And I'll send him a photo in the middle of the night, and he'll be like, nah, this one!

00:55:53.000 Yeah.

00:55:54.000 Well, Corvette had some good years after 69. They had like, the 70 Vette was still, those Stingrays, they still were pretty badass.

00:56:01.000 I love that car.

00:56:02.000 73 is the last year on that.

00:56:04.000 Once they get rid of that steel bumper, it's out.

00:56:06.000 Yeah.

00:56:07.000 You know?

00:56:07.000 It's the same thing.

00:56:08.000 Yeah, exactly.

00:56:09.000 73 was the last acceptable year for a muscle car.

00:56:12.000 Yeah.

00:56:13.000 Isn't that weird?

00:56:13.000 That is weird.

00:56:14.000 You try to sell someone a 75 muscle car, good luck.

00:56:17.000 I'll tell you what I do love, Joe. 1.00

00:56:19.000 Get that hook of shit away from me. 1.00

00:56:20.000 Nobody wants it. 1.00

00:56:20.000 I love the 78 Trans Am 6.6. 1.00

00:56:24.000 You got me.

00:56:25.000 That's true.

00:56:26.000 That's the only car, though, in the 70s, the Burt Reynolds.

00:56:29.000 This is that website.

00:56:30.000 This is where I bought my Corvette.

00:56:32.000 Oh, my God.

00:56:33.000 Look at that.

00:56:34.000 68 Ford Shelby right there, the black one.

00:56:37.000 Good Lord. 0.92

00:56:38.000 Oh, there you go, 69 in the middle there, black. 1.00

00:56:40.000 Look at that one there, 109,000.

00:56:43.000 Yeah.

00:56:43.000 See, I like my car stocked.

00:56:45.000 I don't like when they're all chip-fused out.

00:56:47.000 How dare you.

00:56:48.000 Well, I'd get a new car for that. 1.00

00:56:50.000 Those stock ones drive like shit, though. 0.99

00:56:52.000 I know, but you just have it for the... 0.99

00:56:54.000 Look at that, 426. See where it says pro-touring?

00:56:58.000 Those pro-touring cars, what that means is they take an old muscle car and they put the most modern suspension on it.

00:57:04.000 Like Chip Foose, right?

00:57:06.000 Well, Chip is more of a designer, and Chip does a lot of different modifications to cars to make them look cool.

00:57:13.000 Look at that 70 Chevelle Supersport.

00:57:15.000 You see that?

00:57:17.000 149 convertible.

00:57:19.000 Look at that car.

00:57:20.000 Scroll down.

00:57:21.000 Look at this.

00:57:22.000 70 Chevelle convertible. 1.00

00:57:24.000 Good lord, that makes my dick hard! 0.99

00:57:27.000 Look at that L88 hood. 1.00

00:57:29.000 Look at that fucking car. 1.00

00:57:30.000 I love the hood. 1.00

00:57:31.000 Yeah, and the restart.

00:57:33.000 Oh my god, look at that.

00:57:33.000 Look at the L88 hood.

00:57:35.000 That's my favorite hood. 1.00

00:57:36.000 Look at that fucking car. 1.00

00:57:37.000 Can we see the interior? 1.00

00:57:39.000 Please.

00:57:39.000 Have they had a console?

00:57:40.000 That's like a perfect combination, too, of the wheels.

00:57:43.000 The wheels are like, they're modern wheels.

00:57:45.000 Oh, look at this.

00:57:46.000 That's vintage air.

00:57:47.000 Oh, look at the radios.

00:57:49.000 Dope.

00:57:50.000 Look at the top.

00:57:51.000 Look at that.

00:57:52.000 That top will leak after day two.

00:57:54.000 Oh, well, you stay down.

00:57:55.000 No, no, it won't leak because these are all new.

00:57:58.000 No, they replace the tops.

00:57:58.000 Yeah, they do.

00:57:59.000 Everything's new on these cars.

00:58:01.000 Oh, wow.

00:58:02.000 Look at that, Joe.

00:58:03.000 Oh, my God.

00:58:04.000 Oh, look at the console with the four-speed.

00:58:06.000 Unbelievable.

00:58:07.000 See, 149,000? 1.00

00:58:09.000 Dude, that's the fucking car right there. 1.00

00:58:10.000 Look at that. 1.00

00:58:11.000 That car just gives you a man boner. 0.98

00:58:13.000 It gives me a boner for real. 0.99

00:58:14.000 Not even for sex, though. 0.94

00:58:16.000 No.

00:58:17.000 No, I got goosebumps.

00:58:18.000 You just want to drive around hard.

00:58:21.000 Look at her trunk. 0.97

00:58:22.000 Yeah, this was the last couple years of the Chevelle, too.

00:58:26.000 The Chevelle was badass in 67 and 68. I just wonder what the hell it was.

00:58:31.000 Carbon fiber valve covers.

00:58:32.000 See that? 1.00

00:58:33.000 Holy shit. 0.99

00:58:35.000 Yeah, it's an LS3. Look at that. 0.99

00:58:37.000 That's a 6.2 liter V8 from a Corvette.

00:58:40.000 Oh.

00:58:41.000 Joe, is it hard not to just buy every single car?

00:58:43.000 I know!

00:58:44.000 Yeah, you gotta be an adult.

00:58:47.000 Joe, you pulled out of the store with that, man. 0.99

00:58:49.000 I would just fucking... 0.99

00:58:50.000 Have you seen my Corvette? 0.99

00:58:52.000 No!

00:58:52.000 My Corvette's cooler than that.

00:58:53.000 Oh, what year?

00:58:54.000 65. Oh, I love that.

00:58:56.000 65 Pro Touring Convertible.

00:58:59.000 The entire suspension's redone.

00:59:01.000 Fully independent suspension.

00:59:02.000 What color?

00:59:02.000 Silver.

00:59:03.000 Silver, but I sent it down to Steve Strope.

00:59:07.000 Steve Strope is this guy.

00:59:08.000 Hot Rod Builder in California and I had him change some things on it and improved the suspension.

00:59:16.000 That's the kind, like that one right there, the 64, that's exactly like mine.

00:59:20.000 Oh yeah, my dad had 65, sold it when I was born in 66. I got a photo of it, him and my mom in front of it.

00:59:27.000 They're the best, those cars.

00:59:28.000 I'll send you the photo and you can look at it, it's cool.

00:59:30.000 I'll bring that car to the store when it's finished.

00:59:33.000 It's almost done now.

00:59:34.000 I love those.

00:59:35.000 They were called the Black Widow, the one on the left, the 64 with the...

00:59:39.000 Yeah, go to that one.

00:59:40.000 I love that car.

00:59:41.000 I love that car.

00:59:43.000 They're such radical designs.

00:59:44.000 Aren't they superhero cars?

00:59:47.000 That 64 Corvette.

00:59:49.000 God, what a car.

00:59:50.000 How come they didn't do that at all?

00:59:52.000 They do sort of, dude.

00:59:53.000 Pull up the 2015 Corvette Z06. Love it.

00:59:58.000 Check this out, because this right now is a new car that Corvette has created that is as fast as a lot of cars that cost a million bucks.

01:00:08.000 Yeah.

01:00:08.000 Oh, yeah.

01:00:09.000 It's beating the Ferrari.

01:00:10.000 It's an insane car.

01:00:10.000 This is an insane car.

01:00:12.000 I mean, you probably have to spend a million bucks to beat it.

01:00:14.000 Yeah.

01:00:15.000 Look at this.

01:00:15.000 Go to the blue.

01:00:16.000 That's the B5 blue.

01:00:18.000 I love that.

01:00:18.000 Next one over.

01:00:19.000 Right there, the light blue. 0.99

01:00:20.000 You got gay taste in college, son. 0.99

01:00:22.000 What the heck is that? 1.00

01:00:23.000 What? 0.79

01:00:23.000 You don't like that? 0.79

01:00:24.000 You start drinking again, Gene.

01:00:26.000 No, that looks pretty dope.

01:00:27.000 The actual car itself, in the little swatch, looks gross.

01:00:30.000 Yeah, yeah, right.

01:00:31.000 Oh, yeah, it does. 0.77

01:00:32.000 But pull up a video of one of these, because once you see it in action, that's where it's ridiculous.

01:00:37.000 Oh, look at that.

01:00:38.000 This is a 600-horsepower race car that you can buy straight from the factory.

01:00:42.000 How much is it?

01:00:43.000 It's less than $80,000.

01:00:45.000 I mean, you can get one stripped out for like 80 grand, and it'll bury most really high-end sports cars.

01:00:53.000 It's insane.

01:00:55.000 This is the race version you're looking at, Jamie. 0.99

01:00:58.000 This is the development of the race, the actual race version.

01:01:02.000 Go to a YouTube video, and you can see a guy, he's racing one on the corner.

01:01:07.000 Jay Leno's Garage.

01:01:08.000 Go to Jay Leno's Garage.

01:01:10.000 There you go, right there.

01:01:12.000 Oh, because it'll get us banned?

01:01:13.000 Okay, we'll just watch it without showing it to the rest of the world.

01:01:17.000 But these...

01:01:18.000 Wow, look at that.

01:01:20.000 Yeah.

01:01:21.000 Well, this is the problem with this car, though, that bums me out, is that they're making this thing with an automatic.

01:01:27.000 The old Z06 and the ZR1, the only way you could get it was it had to be a stick shift.

01:01:32.000 I love the ZR1. Fucking man. 0.99

01:01:35.000 Remember that one they made? 1.00

01:01:37.000 Or even a woman.

01:01:38.000 A woman is exciting. 1.00

01:01:39.000 They made one like five years ago, ZR1. It was blue with the glass top, and they only made like 50 of them.

01:01:46.000 And that thing was insane.

01:01:48.000 It was like the next level.

01:01:49.000 ZR1's been around for a long time.

01:01:50.000 They've made it for a long time, but it was only available in a stick. 1.00

01:01:54.000 Jay Leno would never buy anything other than a stick because he's a fucking man. 1.00

01:01:58.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:01:58.000 And he wears jean shirts in 2015. Look at him. 0.99

01:02:02.000 Look at him.

01:02:03.000 Right there, a jean shirt.

01:02:04.000 He's got one style of shirt that he allows himself.

01:02:07.000 Hey guys, this is a ZR1. It's pretty fast.

01:02:11.000 Got tires?

01:02:12.000 Don't get it twisted. 1.00

01:02:13.000 I don't give a fuck if I get laid. 0.99

01:02:16.000 I'm here to make the guys feel comfortable. 0.99

01:02:19.000 My sleeves are rolled up because I work hard at the garage.

01:02:22.000 Do you notice once he stopped TV, he got rid of that black dot that was in the middle of his head? 0.86

01:02:27.000 Yeah, he started freaking out and he went totally gray.

01:02:30.000 It's called dying.

01:02:33.000 He got older.

01:02:34.000 But yeah, I'm doing his show.

01:02:36.000 I'm doing his show.

01:02:37.000 It was supposed to have already happened, but that dude rear-ended me.

01:02:41.000 Joe, he's got a 36 knucklehead, which is considered the best Harley of all time.

01:02:47.000 I watched footage of him last week driving it.

01:02:51.000 Riding it.

01:02:52.000 All original.

01:02:52.000 He never restored it.

01:02:53.000 He found it in a barn.

01:02:55.000 It didn't start it for like 20 years.

01:02:57.000 And decided, let's try that thing out.

01:02:59.000 And he started it up and took it for a ride.

01:03:01.000 And I lose my mind when I see it.

01:03:03.000 36 knuckle.

01:03:04.000 It's a one-year motorcycle.

01:03:07.000 Wow.

01:03:07.000 And he has it.

01:03:09.000 See if you can look at that real quick.

01:03:11.000 Well, hold on a second.

01:03:12.000 While we're still on it, this car...

01:03:15.000 Is the 1965, and while we're on this video, before we change, this is the 1965 of 2015. I mean, this car, when it went all said and done, and people look back in, like, the golden era of muscle cars, they came back in a big way.

01:03:30.000 Like, the new Mustangs, have you seen the new Shelby, the 2015?

01:03:34.000 I love it.

01:03:35.000 The Shelby 350, the GT350, it's insane.

01:03:38.000 It's a beautiful car.

01:03:39.000 They were doing the sound of it yesterday on Yahoo.

01:03:42.000 They said it was the best exhaust note ever done, and you listen to it and you just go, listen to this car!

01:03:49.000 Let's pull that up.

01:03:50.000 Shelby GT350 2015. It's incredible.

01:03:53.000 It might be a 16, because it's not released yet.

01:03:56.000 Have you seen the 2015 Sienna?

01:03:58.000 Toyota Sienna?

01:03:59.000 No, pull up the exhaust sound that he just heard.

01:04:03.000 They call it the greatest...

01:04:06.000 It wouldn't be November 17th because he said it just came out, right?

01:04:09.000 Yeah, it was yesterday on Yahoo.

01:04:13.000 Yeah, try Yahoo.

01:04:17.000 Is that it?

01:04:20.000 No.

01:04:21.000 Dude, noise regulations in America.

01:04:22.000 Ford was not able to make the G250 scream at the top of it.

01:04:26.000 We'll try that.

01:04:27.000 Yeah, let's check it.

01:04:28.000 What does that say?

01:04:29.000 Exhaust modes.

01:04:30.000 Exhaust modes.

01:04:31.000 You can change the settings.

01:04:35.000 Okay, let's hear it.

01:04:36.000 Yeah, yeah. 1.00

01:04:38.000 We're such losers. 1.00

01:04:39.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:04:41.000 What's that?

01:04:42.000 Oh, my God.

01:04:45.000 Oh.

01:04:52.000 That sounds like a dragon.

01:05:01.000 Oh, that's when you open up the sport valve.

01:05:05.000 Whoa! 0.71

01:05:12.000 That is neat.

01:05:18.000 That's a muscle, man.

01:05:19.000 That's one of the greatest sounds a muscle car has ever made.

01:05:22.000 Listen to that.

01:05:23.000 See, women... 1.00

01:05:24.000 Oh, my God! 1.00

01:05:27.000 That's a goddamn dragon. 1.00

01:05:29.000 That's a dragon. 1.00

01:05:30.000 And there you go.

01:05:31.000 That's glorious.

01:05:32.000 Oh, my God.

01:05:33.000 That's glorious.

01:05:33.000 Sounds don't get better than that.

01:05:35.000 Oh, that's so great, man.

01:05:37.000 That's rock and roll.

01:05:38.000 And I'm pretty sure they only make that one in a stick shift.

01:05:40.000 Praise Allah.

01:05:41.000 Yeah, yeah, right.

01:05:42.000 Praise Odin.

01:05:43.000 Praise Thor. 1.00

01:05:45.000 You can't be making that fucking thing in an automatic. 1.00

01:05:48.000 Just stop. 1.00

01:05:49.000 Learn how to drive a stick. 1.00

01:05:51.000 People don't appreciate what the fuck you're doing there. 1.00

01:05:54.000 In LA, man, stick sucks, yes? 1.00

01:05:56.000 Oh, what is this? 0.99

01:05:57.000 Talk!

01:05:57.000 What is this talk, son?

01:05:59.000 I've never driven a stick in LA. Of course it's not as fun in bumper-to-bumper traffic, but bumper-to-bumper traffic sucks no matter what you do.

01:06:05.000 If you're only going to have one car that you drive around and you want total convenience, yes, automatic.

01:06:11.000 But...

01:06:12.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:06:13.000 Okay, you get yourself a goddamn stick shift and you deal with it. 0.99

01:06:16.000 You just deal with that bumper-to-bumper. 0.99

01:06:17.000 I drove stick in San Fran, man.

01:06:19.000 Good for you.

01:06:20.000 On those hills?

01:06:21.000 On the hills, you just learn, man.

01:06:23.000 Pretend you were Steve McQueen?

01:06:24.000 Yeah, a few times, just drunk, jumping hills.

01:06:28.000 Hey, I was in Echo Park last week.

01:06:31.000 They got hills over there.

01:06:33.000 I've never been.

01:06:33.000 Three streets, they say, are the tallest hills in California above San Fran.

01:06:38.000 You can't even see down. 0.98

01:06:40.000 I was like, holy shit, I was on my bike. 1.00

01:06:42.000 I was like, this is scary ass shit in Echo Park. 1.00

01:06:45.000 Three hills. 1.00

01:06:46.000 I've never been there, ever.

01:06:48.000 I just, I always find it hilarious when you see those houses in San Francisco that literally have to be smooshed up next to each other. 0.96

01:06:55.000 Because they're both leaning sideways on this fucking hill trying to stay straight. 0.97

01:07:00.000 Connected to each other. 0.99

01:07:01.000 And the way the hill is and then the bottom of the house is, it's like a triangle to wedge it into.

01:07:08.000 When you look at the actual frame of the house and the way the foundation is wedged into the hill, you're like, this is ridiculous.

01:07:15.000 Can you imagine building the house? 0.61

01:07:17.000 That's crazy.

01:07:18.000 It's just like, no one's going to buy these and they all sell. 1.00

01:07:21.000 And then the other problem is if one of them catches on fire, it goes right through all the houses because these fucking assholes are glued next to each other. 1.00

01:07:28.000 Yeah, absolutely. 1.00

01:07:30.000 They have bad fires, man.

01:07:31.000 San Francisco has some bad fires.

01:07:33.000 Oh, they got history of it.

01:07:34.000 I mean, that 89 earthquake, the entire marina burned down to the ground because that was built on landfill sand.

01:07:41.000 Right.

01:07:41.000 And then the earth moved, and the houses sunk, and the gas lines cracked, and the whole thing went up in flames.

01:07:49.000 Yeah, that took like over a day to just put out the fires.

01:07:52.000 Yeah, the whole place was burning to the ground, 89. Can you imagine what that looked like?

01:07:57.000 Before CNN. No, they had CNN back then.

01:08:01.000 They did?

01:08:01.000 Yeah, they got that footage of the Bay Bridge over and over when the piece drops down and the car falls.

01:08:06.000 Yeah.

01:08:07.000 Yeah, I watched that live from Boston. 1.00

01:08:10.000 That's where I was like, fuck California. 0.99

01:08:12.000 That's me too. 0.99

01:08:13.000 Before I had moved here.

01:08:14.000 Oh man.

01:08:15.000 I remember that quake.

01:08:16.000 It felt like an actual...

01:08:18.000 It wasn't a quake where you're like, whoa, this is a big one.

01:08:22.000 It was more like waves.

01:08:24.000 So I was watching the 89 World Series.

01:08:28.000 It was Giants A's.

01:08:29.000 First time ever.

01:08:30.000 You're like, this is going to be great.

01:08:31.000 Bay Bridge World Series. 0.99

01:08:34.000 And I come out of the living room, and the fucking floor is going on. 0.98

01:08:38.000 It's like, whoa, what? 0.99

01:08:39.000 And then you realize what's going on.

01:08:41.000 Here you go, Bay Bridge.

01:08:42.000 Here's the Oakland Bay Bridge collapse. 0.99

01:08:43.000 That's fucking brutal. 0.99

01:08:44.000 That foot scared me as a kid. 1.00

01:08:45.000 Dude, that shit is real right there. 1.00

01:08:47.000 Look at that, right there. 1.00

01:08:49.000 And then the lady drove off. 0.99

01:08:53.000 So the lady drove off the top? 1.00

01:08:54.000 Yeah, she was on the top, and then the thing dropped, and she went down. 0.97

01:08:58.000 I think the other piece crunched people below, you know? 1.00

01:09:01.000 Fuck. 1.00

01:09:02.000 That's brutal. 1.00

01:09:03.000 You know somewhere someone skimped on some fucking construction costs? 0.99

01:09:07.000 Oh, yeah, right? 0.99

01:09:08.000 That bridge is gone now, right?

01:09:09.000 No, that part is...

01:09:12.000 That's the first part?

01:09:14.000 Oh.

01:09:15.000 Oh, no, that's gone.

01:09:16.000 Yeah, that's gone.

01:09:17.000 The first part's a suspended bridge and the new part, the new part's cool.

01:09:20.000 You seen it, Joe?

01:09:21.000 The new bridge?

01:09:22.000 Yeah.

01:09:23.000 No, I don't think so.

01:09:24.000 It's incredible.

01:09:25.000 If I did, I wouldn't pay attention.

01:09:25.000 It's like super art deco.

01:09:28.000 When I lived in San Francisco, I lived there from age 7 to 11. I experienced the tiniest little baby earthquake where the windows rattled and I freaked out because I was a little kid.

01:09:38.000 You lived there as a kid?

01:09:39.000 Yeah, from 7 to 11. Whoa, that's rad.

01:09:41.000 Yeah.

01:09:41.000 What were your parents doing there?

01:09:44.000 My stepdad, when I was a kid, was a computer programmer, and then he wanted to be an architect.

01:09:49.000 So we moved from New Jersey to California and lived in San Francisco for those five years.

01:09:56.000 And when I was here, I was always scared of it, but that one little one, it was just a little baby one, just enough to rattle the windows.

01:10:04.000 And I remember like, whoa, just this feeling of helplessness and weirdness.

01:10:08.000 And then I didn't experience an actual one, and even that was a baby one, until 94, I was here after the big earthquake, and I experienced some aftershocks.

01:10:18.000 I was in this shitty apartment in North Hollywood, and I remember the feeling that, you know those refrigerator boxes, like someone would buy a refrigerator, and then the kids would play in the box?

01:10:27.000 But you know how the box, like, it would just move, like, really weakly, you could push it back and forth?

01:10:33.000 That's what the apartment felt like.

01:10:34.000 It felt like a refrigerator box.

01:10:35.000 I was like, this is crazy!

01:10:37.000 Because I was in North Hollywood, which isn't too far from Northridge.

01:10:40.000 That was the epicenter, right?

01:10:41.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:10:42.000 And this shitty apartment that I was in was just made out of fucking... 1.00

01:10:46.000 Hopes and dreams. 1.00

01:10:48.000 It's just sliding back and forth.

01:10:51.000 And then I've experienced a couple that are similar to that, like 5.5s, 5.4s, something like that.

01:10:57.000 But I've never experienced a real one.

01:10:59.000 The real ones are supposed to be life-changing.

01:11:01.000 Did you see that movie yet?

01:11:03.000 I saw it.

01:11:04.000 I love The Rock, but I'm not going to go see it.

01:11:05.000 I saw it.

01:11:06.000 Life is precious. 0.90

01:11:07.000 I'm trying to limit my movie going to movies that don't suck.

01:11:11.000 I saw a good movie yesterday.

01:11:13.000 What'd you say?

01:11:13.000 The one about Brian Wilson.

01:11:16.000 The Beach Boys one.

01:11:18.000 What is it?

01:11:18.000 What's it called?

01:11:19.000 It's called Love and Mercy.

01:11:20.000 And it's the kid from the...

01:11:23.000 There will be Blood and Little Miss Sunshine, the guy that didn't talk on that movie.

01:11:27.000 He plays Brian Wilson.

01:11:29.000 And it's about the era of Smile and Pet Sounds.

01:11:34.000 It's so cool.

01:11:35.000 Smile and Pet Sounds.

01:11:36.000 Those are the two...

01:11:37.000 Pet Sounds was the record that the...

01:11:40.000 The Beatles said, oh my god, we've got to make Sgt. Peppers.

01:11:43.000 Oh, really? 0.99

01:11:44.000 Yeah, because it was like, it was a one-man genius, basically heard all these sounds in his fucking head and made this record, Pet Sounds, a Beach Boys record. 0.94

01:11:53.000 After they're like, oh, we're surfing, surfing, they get into this, like, dark, crazy record. 0.95

01:11:58.000 Really?

01:11:58.000 One guy, yeah.

01:12:00.000 I never knew that.

01:12:01.000 Yeah, and they need to...

01:12:02.000 One guy.

01:12:02.000 Well, Brian Wilson, he goes...

01:12:05.000 Yeah, and the other guys were out on tour, and he was like, you guys go out on tour, and I'll just make a record, and when you come back, you'll sing on it. 0.87

01:12:13.000 And he just made this fucking, like, legendary record of layered sounds and instruments, and it's really insane.

01:12:23.000 What should we listen to? 0.98

01:12:25.000 Like, what song?

01:12:26.000 Let me see the track listing, really.

01:12:29.000 It's, you know, that...

01:12:31.000 I would do anything...

01:12:34.000 God Only Knows, right there.

01:12:36.000 That's the one right there.

01:12:38.000 That's really the one they...

01:12:40.000 Is that it right there?

01:12:44.000 Yeah.

01:12:44.000 That's God Only Knows?

01:12:45.000 Yeah.

01:12:45.000 So you can see where Beatles get started to pep it.

01:12:50.000 Wow, this is the Beach Boys?

01:12:51.000 Yeah.

01:12:51.000 It's arguably one of the top five albums of all time.

01:12:54.000 Really?

01:12:55.000 Yeah, and he took acid, and he starts taking acid.

01:13:01.000 Why have I never heard of this before?

01:13:02.000 It's incredible, Jeff.

01:13:08.000 That's cool.

01:13:09.000 It's so good.

01:13:10.000 It's weird.

01:13:13.000 Yeah, YouTube might not like this either, so be careful.

01:13:16.000 Yeah, YouTube's probably not going to like this. 0.99

01:13:18.000 I'm sure those guys get fucked over. 0.96

01:13:20.000 I'll give you a copy of it, Joe. 0.99

01:13:22.000 It's great, man.

01:13:22.000 66, huh?

01:13:24.000 Give me a copy.

01:13:25.000 What are you, living in the 80s?

01:13:27.000 How are you going to give it to me?

01:13:29.000 I'm a double cassette recorder.

01:13:31.000 I'm from the 80s, dude.

01:13:33.000 I got a dual dub.

01:13:34.000 I got a cassette dual dub.

01:13:37.000 High speed dubs.

01:13:39.000 Remember high speed dubs?

01:13:40.000 Dude, I can get it through the air on my phone.

01:13:42.000 Why would I need you to give me something that I'm going to lose?

01:13:45.000 Just downloaded the whole album right there.

01:13:46.000 What am I going to do with it once I get it? 0.99

01:13:48.000 I haven't stuck a fucking CD in my car in ages. 0.99

01:13:51.000 That's hilarious, right? 0.99

01:13:52.000 Unless it's a DVD for my kids.

01:13:53.000 That's the only time I have hard discs anymore for my kids.

01:13:57.000 I'm that guy that needs the product.

01:13:59.000 I feel like, man, they're ripping me off.

01:14:01.000 I've got to have the hard product.

01:14:03.000 Do you have an album that you used to roll joints in?

01:14:06.000 Hell yeah, man.

01:14:07.000 Some people used to roll joints in an album.

01:14:09.000 They used to separate the seeds. 0.96

01:14:10.000 Yep.

01:14:11.000 They used to actually have sleeves that looked like acid paper.

01:14:16.000 Which band came with?

01:14:18.000 Big Bamboo record came with a giant one, and everybody rolled the big one-pounder joint with it.

01:14:23.000 Yeah.

01:14:26.000 That's hilarious.

01:14:26.000 That is great.

01:14:27.000 Yeah, they used to have seeds and weed.

01:14:29.000 Oh, God.

01:14:30.000 Remember?

01:14:30.000 It would pop!

01:14:31.000 You'd be smoking there and it would go, pop! 1.00

01:14:33.000 And it would stink and you'd go, fucking seeds! 1.00

01:14:36.000 Yeah, man. 1.00

01:14:36.000 You'd have to, like, sort it out. 1.00

01:14:38.000 Like, I remember guys who'd have to sort out.

01:14:40.000 You'd break it up and then you would be doing all this sorting before you rolled a joint.

01:14:44.000 And then you took all those seeds and you threw it in your backyard and go, well, good luck.

01:14:49.000 Most of the time, they didn't go anywhere.

01:14:51.000 Right?

01:14:52.000 Well, there was all kinds of different weed that you would get seeds with.

01:14:54.000 And then it wasn't until, like...

01:14:57.000 I don't know.

01:14:59.000 Indica.

01:14:59.000 When did they start having no seeds?

01:15:01.000 Because I came along to weed late. 0.98

01:15:03.000 I think it's shitty weed that has seeds. 0.98

01:15:05.000 It was always Mexican brick weed for me. 0.98

01:15:07.000 Exactly.

01:15:07.000 Because they'd press it all together.

01:15:09.000 And so it would come in this brick.

01:15:11.000 You'd have stems and seeds.

01:15:13.000 And you'd break it apart and then, you know, roll it up. 0.99

01:15:17.000 But once that indica, like up in NorCal, when they started growing that killer, those cola buds, there was no seeds in that shit. 0.99

01:15:25.000 It was just giant cola buds. 0.98

01:15:27.000 And everybody was like, whoa, indica's here, the new weed.

01:15:31.000 Well, all people had to figure out was how to genetically, like, not engineer with, like, chemicals, but splicing and using. 0.98

01:15:40.000 Once those botanists got a hold of weed, that's when shit got interesting. 0.80

01:15:44.000 All they needed was just enough comfortable space where they didn't feel like they were going to go to jail. 0.99

01:15:48.000 Just give them enough.

01:15:49.000 So Humboldt was, like, where a lot of that stuff came from.

01:15:52.000 Yeah.

01:15:52.000 Because, like, that whole economy up there is based on weed.

01:15:54.000 Oh, totally.

01:15:55.000 You see the Emerald Triangle documentary?

01:15:57.000 It's unbelievable.

01:15:58.000 I haven't seen it, but I know a lot of people grow up there.

01:16:00.000 Yeah, me too.

01:16:01.000 And it's like, without that, that whole area's gone.

01:16:05.000 Yeah, that's what's weird.

01:16:06.000 Because logging went away. 0.98

01:16:08.000 And a lot of those guys actually voted against legalization, which is really kind of fucked up. 0.96

01:16:13.000 Yeah, because they want their money. 0.98

01:16:14.000 They would butcher the prices.

01:16:15.000 And if it was easy...

01:16:19.000 If it was easy to grow and nobody had to run any risk, then it wouldn't be worth it to them.

01:16:24.000 They're out of business. 0.99

01:16:24.000 Isn't that fucked? 0.99

01:16:25.000 That is fucked. 1.00

01:16:26.000 They also voted against one of the doctors that I've been to for recommendations for prescriptions. 1.00

01:16:35.000 He told me that, like, he's like, quite honestly, I know doctors that are voting against legalization because they want to keep it medical, because you've got to keep going to the doctor every year and pay a fee in order to get your license renewed.

01:16:46.000 And I was like, whoa.

01:16:47.000 It's all money.

01:16:48.000 Think of that. 1.00

01:16:48.000 I go, that's fucked. 1.00

01:16:49.000 It's all money. 1.00

01:16:50.000 I go, how does that make you feel?

01:16:51.000 He's like, well, I feel like I have to adjust my business, but the right thing to do is to vote for legalization.

01:16:56.000 Yeah.

01:16:56.000 I'm like, that's what he says.

01:16:57.000 That guy's going to immediately go out and vote no.

01:17:01.000 Be on Dr. Phil the next day with a tie.

01:17:04.000 I want to get high, you know?

01:17:06.000 Do you?

01:17:06.000 Right now.

01:17:07.000 No, no, I can't.

01:17:08.000 I'm on my bike, dude.

01:17:09.000 No way. 0.97

01:17:10.000 There ain't no fucking way. 0.98

01:17:12.000 Do you have a navigation system on your motorcycle? 0.99

01:17:14.000 Well, I can run it through my phone.

01:17:17.000 Your phone?

01:17:17.000 That's cool.

01:17:18.000 Because I see those things on the new Harley commercials where they have a navigation screen.

01:17:22.000 That's great.

01:17:23.000 This is nuts.

01:17:24.000 But I feel like a motorcycle should be a motorcycle. 0.99

01:17:28.000 I feel like you should see fucking gauge cluster, and that's it. 0.98

01:17:32.000 That's what I got. 0.98

01:17:32.000 When I see the phone ringing and it's Bluetooth into your motorcycle, I'm like, ooh. 0.98

01:17:37.000 I get it.

01:17:39.000 I get that that's convenient, but it just seems weird. 0.88

01:17:42.000 Yeah, in the helmets where you have like stereo, so you just have that shit turned on like 10, and you're just blasting Zeppelin. 0.90

01:17:50.000 Oh, you seen this? 0.94

01:17:52.000 Heads-up display, that's gonna go right into your eye when you crash.

01:17:57.000 That will gouge out your brain. 1.00

01:17:58.000 Yeah, that's a stupid one. 1.00

01:17:59.000 There's a better one where it's up in here. 1.00

01:18:02.000 It's just, like, right here, and you don't see it, and you can see behind you, too.

01:18:06.000 That is a big risk, that guy's taking.

01:18:09.000 Putting that metal square inches from his eyeball. 1.00

01:18:13.000 Look at that, that's stupid. 1.00

01:18:14.000 And knowing that he's going to be crashing that bike, the great likelihood, at least once in his life. 1.00

01:18:20.000 Have you had a bad crash, Dean?

01:18:22.000 It's so funny, man.

01:18:24.000 I always talk about people like you.

01:18:26.000 There's two things I hate when you're riding.

01:18:28.000 The one guy that comes up and goes, you crashed yet?

01:18:31.000 Which, if you did, you don't want to relive it with a stranger.

01:18:35.000 You know what I mean?

01:18:36.000 Like, yeah, let me just tell you about how bad I crashed.

01:18:39.000 I've been trying to forget it.

01:18:40.000 And the other one is, I had one of those.

01:18:43.000 They always tell you they had some year they had and they didn't have it, you know.

01:18:48.000 Had to sell it.

01:18:49.000 You know, wife had the kids. 1.00

01:18:51.000 It's just like, those are the two things I hate.

01:18:53.000 But no, I've never crashed. 1.00

01:18:55.000 Those poor bastards. 1.00

01:18:57.000 Those poor bastards. 1.00

01:18:58.000 Look at you. 1.00

01:19:00.000 Look at you out there living the dream.

01:19:01.000 I used to live the dream.

01:19:03.000 I used to be out there risking, feeding off the adrenaline, taking chances, cutting lanes!

01:19:09.000 Yeah.

01:19:09.000 I had some friends from Canada, from Alberta, and they had never been to California before, and they didn't know that you were allowed to cut lanes.

01:19:15.000 Yeah. 0.91

01:19:16.000 And so these people were driving, they were like, what the fuck is going on? 1.00

01:19:19.000 These people are maniacs! 1.00

01:19:20.000 There's so many, they're flying by them on the highway, they were freaking out, because you can't do that in Canada. 0.98

01:19:25.000 Yeah.

01:19:26.000 California's the only state.

01:19:28.000 Is it really?

01:19:28.000 Can you believe it?

01:19:29.000 Only state. 1.00

01:19:31.000 Is it really the only fucking statement? 0.98

01:19:32.000 Yeah, and they just re-passed it like two weeks ago. 0.99

01:19:35.000 That's so crazy.

01:19:36.000 I can't believe it.

01:19:37.000 It's such a bad lock.

01:19:39.000 It's so horrible. 1.00

01:19:40.000 It's so dumb. 1.00

01:19:40.000 Especially with people texting. 1.00

01:19:42.000 I get it for them.

01:19:44.000 It's awesome.

01:19:45.000 You're stuck on the 405, everybody else is dead, and you're moving.

01:19:48.000 That is awesome.

01:19:49.000 I totally get it from their point of view. 0.98

01:19:51.000 But from a safety point of view, how the fuck? 0.99

01:19:54.000 First of all, why do I have to wear a seatbelt if this dude doesn't even have a fucking shell on him? 0.99

01:20:00.000 He's on a bike. 0.99

01:20:01.000 How come I have to have a seatbelt? 1.00

01:20:03.000 This fucking guy isn't even surrounded by anything. 0.99

01:20:07.000 They just did a study for two years straight and found out splitting lanes is safer than sitting in traffic because the texters are crashing into dudes. 1.00

01:20:17.000 That's true.

01:20:18.000 They're just like texting and all of a sudden, boom, they hit the guy on the bike.

01:20:22.000 Yeah, and it's also not illegal to do it in shorts. 1.00

01:20:26.000 Oh, that's the dumbest fucking thing. 0.99

01:20:28.000 When you see people with a short-sleeved shirt on or no sleeves in shorts, you're like, how come I have to wear a seatbelt? 1.00

01:20:34.000 I'll tell you what, you want to Google man rides motorcycle with thongs, it'll fucking make you throw up. 0.98

01:20:41.000 I don't need to. 0.99

01:20:42.000 I see guys in thongs around L.A. riding scooters.

01:20:46.000 They're just hoping you talk about them.

01:20:47.000 Now you're talking about them on a podcast.

01:20:49.000 Yeah, well, look at their feet.

01:20:51.000 A lot of people are going to hear. 1.00

01:20:51.000 Look at their fucking feet. 1.00

01:20:52.000 Their feet are bad? 1.00

01:20:53.000 Google it, man.

01:20:54.000 Oh, they get broken off?

01:20:55.000 Oh.

01:20:56.000 Oh, yeah, when they crash?

01:20:57.000 Oh.

01:20:57.000 Yeah, you don't want to see that.

01:20:58.000 That's the concrete there.

01:21:01.000 Barefoot equal concrete.

01:21:04.000 At 60. Barefoot plus concrete.

01:21:08.000 Ooh, Jesus Christ, that's a mess.

01:21:10.000 That's ugly.

01:21:11.000 You never walk right again. 0.95

01:21:13.000 It's so gross. 1.00

01:21:14.000 You hobble into the rainbow with your fucking... 1.00

01:21:16.000 I'm going into the rainbow. 1.00

01:21:17.000 Dino makes me nervous, though.

01:21:19.000 Because he drives his motorcycle to San Diego or Arizona and stuff like that.

01:21:24.000 And recently, there was that big storm.

01:21:27.000 And the whole time, you're coming back, driving through rain.

01:21:31.000 That was brutal.

01:21:32.000 How do you drive through that?

01:21:34.000 Can you even see?

01:21:35.000 You hit one puddle, wouldn't you just spin out? 0.69

01:21:37.000 Well, I'm not stupid, but I got caught.

01:21:41.000 I ride everywhere.

01:21:42.000 I have no car.

01:21:43.000 So, I've done all my spots on motorcycles.

01:21:46.000 So, I go to San Diego, and I'm doing the weekend, and it's Saturday night.

01:21:51.000 I usually leave Saturday night after the three-day weekend and ride home, but it was raining, so I go, I'll just sleep and wake up the next day.

01:21:57.000 I wake up, it looks pretty clear. 0.96

01:22:00.000 I get on the bike, and as soon as I get out of San Diego by the checkpoint there, it starts fucking pouring, man. 0.85

01:22:08.000 Like, I hadn't seen in L.A. in years. 0.61

01:22:11.000 And I'm like, well...

01:22:13.000 This is it, man.

01:22:14.000 I got a windshield, you know?

01:22:16.000 And I just go, because it's one of those things where you're broke, so you go, well, do I spend money on a Motel 6 here on the side of the highway, or just try to make it?

01:22:27.000 And I rolled, man.

01:22:28.000 How long did you say to get home?

01:22:30.000 It took me about three hours, and it was funny, right when I got to Disneyland, it totally stopped raining, and by the time I was home, I was completely dry.

01:22:38.000 Really?

01:22:38.000 Yeah, because it was like sun out and, you know, there's another 40 minutes on the bike.

01:22:43.000 Oh, that's not even bad.

01:22:45.000 No.

01:22:45.000 It's not that bad.

01:22:46.000 But it seems like that drive in the rain is probably really fucking hard to see, right?

01:22:50.000 It's hard to see and it's super nerve-wracking because the trucks are spraying, big spray. 0.70

01:22:56.000 It's the trucks, the 18-wheelers that are on the 5. They're spraying big time and you're like, whoa!

01:23:01.000 Fuck so you're just trying to go like far out to the left from them it's yeah boy and the potential wiping out must be really fucking Keeping your your senses on the edge, huh? 1.00

01:23:12.000 Brutal Joe. 0.99

01:23:13.000 I'll tell you one time I had to I had to do this gig in Bakersfield Like two years in and I was like I can't cancel they won't ever book me again and I wrote up the five the grapevine I got to the top it was snowing and Oh no.

01:23:28.000 Like a light snow.

01:23:30.000 Oh no.

01:23:30.000 My thumb, my right thumb was frozen to where I was like, I couldn't get it anywhere.

01:23:37.000 Like, my thumb was numb.

01:23:39.000 It was like, frozen.

01:23:40.000 You were barehanded?

01:23:41.000 No, I got gloves.

01:23:42.000 But you're going, and your hand is tucked here, so you're cool.

01:23:45.000 But the thumb was out, like this. 0.99

01:23:47.000 And I was going, fuck, my right thumb is frozen, man. 0.98

01:23:50.000 I don't feel it. 0.98

01:23:51.000 So I pulled off at a truck stop, and I was drinking hot chocolates, and I bought some kids' mittens and put them underneath my gloves.

01:24:00.000 So I put these mittens on and then my gloves.

01:24:03.000 And I get to the gig, and there's like nine people there. 1.00

01:24:06.000 Oh, shit. 0.99

01:24:06.000 Nine people at a bar gig. 0.99

01:24:08.000 And you risked your life.

01:24:09.000 I know. 1.00

01:24:10.000 I was like, what the fuck? 1.00

01:24:11.000 I was so mad. 1.00

01:24:13.000 And then I did 15 minutes and turned around and rode home.

01:24:16.000 Oh my god. 1.00

01:24:17.000 Fucked. 0.99

01:24:18.000 He also told me something I didn't know about when people flick cigarettes out there, that it actually sometimes gets in the motorcycles like... 0.99

01:24:25.000 I had one go down my shirt.

01:24:27.000 I almost crashed.

01:24:29.000 These people, they flick cigarettes out all day long. 1.00

01:24:33.000 All fucking day long. 1.00

01:24:34.000 And they don't even care. 1.00

01:24:36.000 Just boom. 1.00

01:24:37.000 One went down my shirt, and I was riding going, oh, fuck! 1.00

01:24:41.000 And I couldn't get over it because I was in traffic. 1.00

01:24:44.000 And I was like, what the fuck? 0.99

01:24:45.000 And it's just burning me. 1.00

01:24:46.000 It's I scream at people, man.

01:25:01.000 My buddy got hit. 1.00

01:25:03.000 Two dragonflies fucking. 1.00

01:25:05.000 We're going around a turn doing like 90. They were stacked on top of each other. 1.00

01:25:09.000 We're riding like CHP style next to each other. 0.99

01:25:13.000 We go around a turn and I see him, his arm flies off his fucking handlebar. 0.99

01:25:19.000 And he's like, whoa, and the bike, I go, whoa, this guy's going down. 0.99

01:25:22.000 What happened? 0.99

01:25:22.000 I thought he's having a heart attack because guys have heart attacks and strokes and shit. 0.99

01:25:28.000 I look over in my rear view mirror and I'm gone. 0.99

01:25:30.000 He's pulled over.

01:25:32.000 His face is split open.

01:25:34.000 A cut.

01:25:34.000 A cut from hitting these things at like 90. Oh my god.

01:25:38.000 And there were two dragonflies that were just like sandpaper that hit him in the face.

01:25:42.000 And he's like, dude, I almost died. 1.00

01:25:44.000 Two dragonflies, fucking. 1.00

01:25:45.000 I was like, wow! 1.00

01:25:47.000 That's why you have to have goggles.

01:25:49.000 Oh, I wear a full face. 1.00

01:25:50.000 I don't fuck around. 0.99

01:25:51.000 That's why some people don't. 1.00

01:25:52.000 They have those little skull caps on with a pair of sunglasses. 1.00

01:25:55.000 So dumb! 1.00

01:25:56.000 Hey, bro. 1.00

01:25:57.000 I'm a rebel.

01:25:58.000 Some people ride around with no helmets in other states.

01:26:01.000 Oh, you get to Arizona?

01:26:02.000 A lot of other states, yeah.

01:26:03.000 Oh, you're doing comedy in Arizona? 0.99

01:26:05.000 Everyone's riding around in shorts and shit? 1.00

01:26:07.000 How the fuck is there a seatbelt law in Arizona? 1.00

01:26:10.000 Yeah. 0.98

01:26:10.000 How? 0.98

01:26:11.000 Plus motorcycles.

01:26:12.000 How?

01:26:13.000 Yeah.

01:26:13.000 Oh, man.

01:26:14.000 Arizona's a nutty state. 0.61

01:26:15.000 It's one of those...

01:26:16.000 It's like people don't think of it.

01:26:18.000 You think of it as white people, and you think of it as Arizona's golfers or something like that.

01:26:23.000 A lot of people think of it as, you know... 0.98

01:26:27.000 Scottsdale, Tucson, or Tempe rather, like a real nice, cute, but no, a big part of Arizona is the wild fucking West. 0.99

01:26:36.000 Guns! 0.99

01:26:37.000 Guns anywhere. 0.52

01:26:38.000 Concealed carry.

01:26:39.000 Like, I had a friend who, he has a lot of guns, and he got pulled over in Arizona, and he had to tell the cop that he has guns in the trunk, and the cop's like, wow, what are you shooting? 0.96

01:26:49.000 And he started having a fucking cool gun conversation. 0.61

01:26:52.000 Let me check real quick, make sure everything's in order. 0.98

01:26:55.000 And everything was in order.

01:26:56.000 All right, man, we'll take it easy.

01:26:57.000 Enjoy your Second Amendment rights. 0.98

01:26:58.000 They're fucking pound knuckles and go about their business. 0.98

01:27:00.000 Two gun nuts who just met on the tarmac out there. 0.99

01:27:05.000 I've seen at a restaurant, please check your gun in in Arizona. 1.00

01:27:09.000 They have like a fucking wall where you check your guns in. 1.00

01:27:13.000 Yeah, that's some Wyatt Earp type shit. 1.00

01:27:15.000 You got any guns? 1.00

01:27:17.000 Fuck yeah. 1.00

01:27:17.000 Yeah, I've got a few of those. 1.00

01:27:19.000 I love 9mm.

01:27:20.000 Yeah.

01:27:20.000 That's the gun, man.

01:27:22.000 Nine millimeters?

01:27:23.000 Why do you like them?

01:27:23.000 I just like the shape, the sound, the bullet, everything about it, man.

01:27:27.000 And it's not too big.

01:27:28.000 It's not too small.

01:27:30.000 You know, it just fires.

01:27:31.000 Well, as far as handguns go, it's a very easy gun to shoot.

01:27:34.000 Yeah.

01:27:34.000 I have a Glock 9mm.

01:27:36.000 It's like, it shoots like, it doesn't, like, there's no, it doesn't, like, I have a rifle, a 7mm Remington Ultramag. 0.99

01:27:42.000 I have a 300 Win Mag, too, this big, kicking, fucking elephant-killing guns. 0.99

01:27:47.000 Boom! 1.00

01:27:47.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:27:48.000 It digs into your shoulder.

01:27:49.000 There's just such a difference between a rifle and a pistol.

01:27:54.000 Pistols feel so small.

01:27:55.000 I feel like if you were hunting with a rifle, sometimes people hunt with pistols.

01:28:00.000 If you're hunting with a rifle and you hit something, that thing's dead.

01:28:03.000 But if you're hunting with a pistol and you hit something, they might survive.

01:28:09.000 You shoot an elk with a 9mm, it may run away. 0.99

01:28:12.000 One of those little hooker guns they keep in their bras. 1.00

01:28:15.000 Yeah, little.22s. 0.98

01:28:17.000 I love the Desert Eagle.50 caliber. 0.99

01:28:19.000 That's a ridiculous gun. 0.99

01:28:21.000 You ever see the footage, girls shooting the Desert Eagle? 1.00

01:28:24.000 That is so gross!

01:28:26.000 Boom! 0.99

01:28:26.000 Right into her head! 0.99

01:28:28.000 There's one, too, where a girl's shooting and her tits are exploding. 1.00

01:28:31.000 As she's shooting, the recoil's like, boom! 0.99

01:28:36.000 But yeah, I've seen a girl hit herself in the head with a recoil. 1.00

01:28:40.000 There's videos that late night you'll just get on and just start fucking laughing your head off, man. 1.00

01:28:45.000 That person's rude. 1.00

01:28:46.000 Whoever gave that girl that gun didn't tell her what the fuck was going to happen. 0.99

01:28:49.000 It's this cannon in your hand. 0.99

01:28:51.000 It's a cannon.

01:28:52.000 We shot one of those.

01:28:53.000 Remember, Brian, when we filmed my comedy special down in Tempe in 2005?

01:28:58.000 We went to the Phoenix Gun Club or something like that?

01:29:02.000 Yeah, some kind of big gun club.

01:29:05.000 Yeah, we shot everything.

01:29:06.000 Machine guns, we shot Desert Eagles,.44 Magnums. 0.99

01:29:10.000 We shot these ridiculous pistols. 1.00

01:29:12.000 Boom! 0.99

01:29:13.000 Yeah.

01:29:13.000 They throw your hand back.

01:29:14.000 You literally can't hold it straight.

01:29:16.000 You can't.

01:29:16.000 Nope.

01:29:17.000 And the fire that comes out of it is unbelievable, man.

01:29:20.000 I grew up in the Bay Area, and I just loved Dirty Harry.

01:29:24.000 I loved it.

01:29:25.000 I loved those films, and I just loved him just a cannon, like, you know?

01:29:30.000 Well, he represented a weird part of San Francisco that wasn't represented anywhere else in the world.

01:29:35.000 Everybody thought about San Francisco.

01:29:37.000 They thought about gay people. 0.67

01:29:38.000 That was it. 0.95

01:29:39.000 San Francisco was gay people and hippies. 1.00

01:29:40.000 Yep. 0.96

01:29:40.000 And all of a sudden, wait a minute, what is this guy doing here? 0.96

01:29:43.000 Yeah.

01:29:43.000 And he was a Northern California guy.

01:29:45.000 I mean, he was mayor of Carmel.

01:29:46.000 Yeah, I know, right?

01:29:47.000 Isn't that nuts?

01:29:48.000 Yeah.

01:29:49.000 Unbelievable.

01:29:49.000 Runs for mayor, wins.

01:29:51.000 Marries the local newscaster.

01:29:54.000 He did?

01:29:55.000 Yeah, the Asian... 1.00

01:29:55.000 That's who the mother chick was? 1.00

01:29:56.000 Yeah, they recently got divorced.

01:29:58.000 There's like all kinds of evil going on.

01:30:00.000 There's evil going on?

01:30:01.000 Yeah, I mean, you know...

01:30:02.000 Poor Clint.

01:30:03.000 I know, money.

01:30:04.000 Can't catch a brink.

01:30:05.000 Just 82...

01:30:07.000 What a god. 0.98

01:30:08.000 The secret was he was gay the whole time Dirty Harry was actually gay. 0.99

01:30:11.000 Yeah, it was like he was overcompensating his gun. 0.99

01:30:14.000 His gun, his big black gun.

01:30:16.000 Yeah, that's what Dirty Harry was really all about. 0.99

01:30:19.000 It was all about him fighting against his homosexual urges. 0.78

01:30:21.000 It's like, you feel lucky? 0.81

01:30:25.000 You feel lucky? 1.00

01:30:27.000 Suck it, punk. 1.00

01:30:28.000 Go ahead, suck it. 1.00

01:30:30.000 It was a different sort of... 1.00

01:30:31.000 Because San Francisco was never thought of as being a crime-fighting town.

01:30:35.000 Not at all.

01:30:36.000 You think of New York.

01:30:37.000 New York is where all the cop shows were.

01:30:39.000 You don't have a movie like that in San Francisco.

01:30:43.000 Yeah.

01:30:43.000 It was cool.

01:30:44.000 That guy that was in the first one, he plays the sniper.

01:30:49.000 He's the dude from the Warriors.

01:30:51.000 Warriors, come out and play!

01:30:54.000 That guy, man.

01:30:55.000 That guy played a great psycho.

01:30:59.000 Lawyers!

01:31:00.000 I love that. 0.95

01:31:01.000 That's a tough gig for a dude to be that character actor, psycho guy. 0.99

01:31:07.000 Once you're a psycho guy, the fucking leading man roles are no longer available to you. 1.00

01:31:11.000 You're the psycho guy. 1.00

01:31:11.000 I'll take the psycho roles. 1.00

01:31:13.000 Those are great.

01:31:14.000 You know what I mean?

01:31:16.000 I've done a few movies and I'm always like, when do I get to kill a guy?

01:31:20.000 I always get killed.

01:31:24.000 You have a weird path into comedy, man.

01:31:26.000 I think that's the weirdest path I've ever heard of.

01:31:28.000 Being 44 years old and starting stand-up.

01:31:31.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:31:32.000 You must have been fucking running. 1.00

01:31:34.000 You must have hit the ground running. 1.00

01:31:36.000 I never stopped.

01:31:37.000 You kind of had to, because if you're going to really do this, not a lot of time for people to accept it.

01:31:42.000 Yeah.

01:31:42.000 You know, if you're 53 and they're like, oh, he's been doing comedy for eight years, people go, oh, alright.

01:31:47.000 But if you're 53 and you just started, you're like, ooh, boy.

01:31:51.000 You're on your way to 60 before you're seven years in?

01:31:55.000 It's pretty wild, you know?

01:31:57.000 But I'll tell you what, it saved my life, Joe.

01:32:00.000 I was pretty...

01:32:01.000 You know, when you're 44, your friends are long gone.

01:32:05.000 Married, with kids.

01:32:06.000 Cue the music.

01:32:07.000 Piano.

01:32:08.000 Yeah, you know what I mean?

01:32:10.000 That Hulk music?

01:32:12.000 The Hulk music?

01:32:13.000 Oh, he's walking away.

01:32:15.000 Lonnie Man's theme.

01:32:16.000 It's true, though. 0.82

01:32:17.000 Yeah, I know what you mean.

01:32:19.000 And you're a holdout.

01:32:21.000 You didn't get married, no family.

01:32:22.000 Right, right.

01:32:24.000 Did you wonder about that?

01:32:27.000 About family?

01:32:28.000 Yeah.

01:32:28.000 Did you wonder what it was like?

01:32:29.000 No.

01:32:30.000 I had one great girlfriend.

01:32:32.000 Lost her because of rock and roll.

01:32:35.000 And she raised the bar too high. 0.99

01:32:37.000 What was the bar?

01:32:39.000 I'm saying she was a great girlfriend.

01:32:41.000 Like seven years.

01:32:42.000 You lost her to rock and roll.

01:32:43.000 Yeah.

01:32:44.000 Just rock.

01:32:45.000 Just rock.

01:32:46.000 She's the one that got away.

01:32:47.000 Yeah, she is the one.

01:32:48.000 Do you check in with her every now and again?

01:32:50.000 I try to.

01:32:50.000 She doesn't have anything for her.

01:32:52.000 I did Davies Symphony Hall two weeks ago in San Fran with Maren, and I was like, come down to the show.

01:32:59.000 And just nothing.

01:33:01.000 She didn't respond?

01:33:02.000 No, man, but I know she got him.

01:33:04.000 She's probably got a boyfriend. 0.94

01:33:05.000 Nah, she doesn't.

01:33:06.000 How do you know?

01:33:06.000 She never got married either.

01:33:08.000 Oh.

01:33:09.000 Maybe I raised her bar. 1.00

01:33:11.000 Maybe you did.

01:33:12.000 Maybe you just need to get together with her.

01:33:14.000 Maybe show up with a bow tie and a bouquet of flowers.

01:33:17.000 Joe, a bow tie!

01:33:19.000 Come on.

01:33:20.000 Yeah, like a wacky weather guy.

01:33:22.000 You know what I like about her, though, is I did some movies and stuff, and she didn't go like, oh, you must be getting famous, I'm getting back.

01:33:30.000 You know what I mean?

01:33:31.000 She didn't do that. 0.99

01:33:32.000 That was cool.

01:33:33.000 Let's be honest.

01:33:33.000 You really didn't get famous.

01:33:34.000 I know, but a person that's normal.

01:33:36.000 But if you did.

01:33:37.000 Yeah.

01:33:38.000 You know, if you really did, maybe then she would, you know, maybe then she would like, hmm.

01:33:44.000 Okay, one more chance.

01:33:46.000 But if you sell us out for rock and roll again, what was it about rock and roll?

01:33:53.000 It was just the hours, being on the road.

01:33:55.000 Yeah, it's just like comedy.

01:33:57.000 I could never have a girlfriend now.

01:34:00.000 I dedicate myself like 100%.

01:34:03.000 I'm out seven nights a week.

01:34:05.000 I don't miss a night.

01:34:06.000 What am I going to do?

01:34:07.000 Unless they're in the biz and then we can hang during the day.

01:34:11.000 Yeah, it's hard for people to...

01:34:12.000 The worst thing is when a guy's a talented comic and he gets a girlfriend and she doesn't like the lifestyle and then he shifts.

01:34:20.000 I've seen it.

01:34:20.000 I've seen it happen, too.

01:34:22.000 And then you run into those guys ten years later when them and the girl have broken up and they want to try all over again.

01:34:26.000 Oh, yeah.

01:34:26.000 It's ugly.

01:34:27.000 It's like, dude, you missed.

01:34:29.000 You missed the whole thing.

01:34:30.000 Like, you're not a pro now.

01:34:31.000 You want to become a pro again. 1.00

01:34:34.000 You had a chance at one point in time, but now you're fucked. 1.00

01:34:37.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:34:38.000 I never wanted to hear this.

01:34:39.000 Are you going to go out again tonight?

01:34:42.000 It's like, yeah, every night.

01:34:44.000 You know?

01:34:46.000 Yeah, and it's the only...

01:34:47.000 Especially at 44, starting, you really got to commit.

01:34:50.000 You got to hit the ground running.

01:34:52.000 You can't take a few slow years and half-ass it and then kind of get back in.

01:34:57.000 No way, man.

01:34:58.000 Once I started, I was like, whoa, this is hard.

01:35:01.000 Was it scary being 44 and beginning a new chapter in your life like that, or was it exciting?

01:35:07.000 It wasn't scary as far...

01:35:11.000 I loved it.

01:35:11.000 I was like, this is...

01:35:12.000 Oh, I'm back on stage. 1.00

01:35:14.000 Oh, shit, man. 0.99

01:35:15.000 I'm doing this. 1.00

01:35:16.000 But the survival mode is brutal.

01:35:19.000 You know, like, it costs a four or two.

01:35:22.000 I'm 40-49 now.

01:35:23.000 What am I going to do?

01:35:24.000 Live with nine dudes?

01:35:25.000 You know?

01:35:26.000 Hey, my rent's $300. 0.99

01:35:28.000 You could be like the older brother that gives advice to the young, crazy kids. 0.96

01:35:32.000 This is not how you do ketamine, boys. 0.65

01:35:34.000 You gotta be careful.

01:35:35.000 You can't intramuscularly shoot without having alcohol on hand.

01:35:39.000 You don't have... 1.00

01:35:39.000 You don't know what the fuck you're doing. 1.00

01:35:41.000 This isn't sterile. 0.99

01:35:42.000 Yeah, you know, it's just, I just didn't think it was going to be, I was going to work this hard. 0.99

01:35:49.000 Like, you know, I was like, oh fuck, I'm working hard. 0.99

01:35:51.000 You know? 1.00

01:35:52.000 Well, what did you think?

01:35:53.000 You think it would be easy?

01:35:54.000 Did it look easy from the outside?

01:35:56.000 Like you've seen people crack jokes?

01:35:57.000 I never thought it was going to be easy, ever.

01:36:00.000 But I didn't think...

01:36:02.000 It was going to grab me like it did.

01:36:04.000 I thought, oh yeah, I'll go down and try it.

01:36:07.000 And then I started doing it and it grabbed me and it took over my life in a good way.

01:36:11.000 And I was like, wow, man.

01:36:12.000 I mean, I literally work all day every day.

01:36:16.000 I don't take a day off.

01:36:17.000 What do you mean by all day, every day?

01:36:18.000 What do you do?

01:36:19.000 Well, I podcast five days a week.

01:36:21.000 Five days a week?

01:36:22.000 Well, I grab guests while I'm home and bank them.

01:36:25.000 Uh-huh.

01:36:25.000 And then I'm always auditioning.

01:36:27.000 Then I write all day from the sets.

01:36:31.000 I listen to the sets and I take notes.

01:36:33.000 And then I go...

01:36:35.000 Right now, I'm co-hosting Tom Green's TV show.

01:36:39.000 When he's on the road, I guest host.

01:36:40.000 So there's no days off.

01:36:42.000 None.

01:36:43.000 When did you start doing this Tom Green thing?

01:36:46.000 I love it.

01:36:46.000 He's doing it still out of his house, right?

01:36:48.000 Oh, he moved it.

01:36:49.000 He got a warehouse in the valley and took all that stuff and moved it to his house.

01:36:55.000 And it's about a month old.

01:36:56.000 I've been doing it for about a month now.

01:36:58.000 And it's so great, man.

01:37:00.000 Because it's a TV show.

01:37:02.000 And so he does it on a regular basis, so you have to guest host, sort of like when Johnny Carson had guest host on Tonight Show?

01:37:09.000 Same thing.

01:37:09.000 He goes on the road, and then...

01:37:11.000 So does he have a producer or something that handles everything?

01:37:13.000 Yeah, he's got three guys, yeah.

01:37:14.000 Wow.

01:37:15.000 It's great, and I've had some really cool guests.

01:37:18.000 I just had Mike Beach, who's been an actor for 35 years.

01:37:22.000 He was on Sons of Anarchy for six seasons.

01:37:25.000 He played T.O., the black gang leader of Grim Bastards.

01:37:30.000 He was also on ER. I had him on.

01:37:32.000 I had Madonna's guitar player.

01:37:34.000 They just slept for tour.

01:37:36.000 Monty Pittman on.

01:37:38.000 And then I had a guy, Sean Kerrigan, from Young and the Restless.

01:37:42.000 So I have different kinds of guests, and it's cool.

01:37:45.000 And then we take Skype calls and regular calls.

01:37:48.000 It's wonderful.

01:37:49.000 When I first did Tom's show, it was like when the first time Brian and I had thought about doing something.

01:37:53.000 When he had that set up in his living room, where it was like, it was crazy. 0.97

01:37:57.000 He had his own server room with all these servers set up and these crazy fucking lines. 0.83

01:38:03.000 And we were trying to figure out, like, Brian, first of all, one of the things, Brian's like, you don't need all this. 0.95

01:38:08.000 You were right.

01:38:11.000 You were right.

01:38:12.000 Essentially, he was like his own AOL. We were like, what is going on here?

01:38:16.000 Too much.

01:38:17.000 Yeah, and they were doing it with a company out of Denver, you remember?

01:38:20.000 And the company out of Denver wanted to do something with me, and we talked about it, but I was like, wait a minute, what exactly are you doing?

01:38:27.000 How are you doing this like this?

01:38:29.000 And that's when we started fucking around with Justin.TV, too.

01:38:32.000 And we had thought about doing some other sort of streaming version of one of these things, but... 0.96

01:38:38.000 Tom Green had gone balls out from the jump.

01:38:42.000 It was a TV show.

01:38:43.000 In his house.

01:38:44.000 In his house, man.

01:38:45.000 Took over his whole house.

01:38:46.000 His house was abandoned, essentially.

01:38:47.000 He just had a kitchen and a bedroom.

01:38:49.000 He had a giant server room.

01:38:51.000 He had these wires all throughout the middle of his house. 1.00

01:38:53.000 These fat fucking cables that were laid down everywhere. 0.99

01:38:57.000 He had to step over them. 1.00

01:38:58.000 So overkill.

01:38:59.000 He's got all that stuff.

01:39:01.000 I love Tom Green because he represents what I love.

01:39:05.000 He's like you.

01:39:06.000 He's self-made.

01:39:08.000 You know what I mean?

01:39:09.000 He doesn't wait for people to come to him.

01:39:11.000 He just does it since he's like 16. He had the show on public access in Canada.

01:39:17.000 Then he lands on MTV, then he starts doing his own show. 1.00

01:39:20.000 You know, he's like pre-jackass and shit. 0.99

01:39:22.000 Well, he's at his best, too, when he's doing his own thing. 1.00

01:39:26.000 And when I think his career experienced like a lull, it was because he was doing a bunch of other people's shit. 0.97

01:39:32.000 He was doing movies, he was doing... 0.89

01:39:33.000 And when you start doing that, you get involved with all these different We're good to go.

01:40:08.000 I hear this a lot.

01:40:09.000 They go, yeah, I got no agent or manager.

01:40:11.000 It's like, yeah, me either. 0.99

01:40:12.000 You just fucking go do it, man. 0.98

01:40:15.000 This day and age is less important than it's ever been. 0.99

01:40:18.000 Totally.

01:40:19.000 Less important than it's ever been is changing on a daily basis.

01:40:22.000 On a daily basis, you're getting more and more of these social media apps.

01:40:26.000 That's us.

01:40:26.000 Bam.

01:40:27.000 That's cool.

01:40:28.000 That's cool.

01:40:29.000 Yeah.

01:40:30.000 We were sitting in his place and we were like, this is cool.

01:40:34.000 This whole thing is pretty dope.

01:40:36.000 You could drink.

01:40:37.000 Yeah.

01:40:37.000 We're boozing.

01:40:38.000 I remember that was cool.

01:40:39.000 Taking calls.

01:40:40.000 I was like, I love it.

01:40:42.000 He had all those pencils.

01:40:43.000 I don't know why I had so many pencils.

01:40:44.000 Check out his set now, Dean Delray.

01:40:46.000 Look at it now, man.

01:40:48.000 It's crazy.

01:40:49.000 Is it different?

01:40:49.000 Oh, yeah.

01:40:50.000 Is it the same place?

01:40:51.000 He moved.

01:40:52.000 He got a warehouse.

01:40:53.000 He moved all the stuff out of his house because he was just like, I can't have these people in my house anymore.

01:40:57.000 Right.

01:40:58.000 So check out his setup now.

01:41:00.000 It's unbelievable, Joe.

01:41:01.000 He's also been doing a lot of periscoping.

01:41:03.000 Him and Andy Dick.

01:41:04.000 I mean, Andy Dick pretty much lives on Periscope now.

01:41:06.000 It's really weird seeing them on...

01:41:08.000 Well, we ran into him the other day at the comic store, remember?

01:41:11.000 Periscoping.

01:41:11.000 We were periscoping each other.

01:41:13.000 I was periscoping him, periscoping me.

01:41:15.000 But what I meant is, is it the same set that he just moved to a warehouse?

01:41:19.000 No, look at this.

01:41:20.000 Check it out.

01:41:21.000 There it is.

01:41:21.000 Look.

01:41:22.000 So he's got...

01:41:23.000 Just fast forward a little bit.

01:41:25.000 Is that supposed to be him?

01:41:26.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:41:27.000 But look, man, it's a straight...

01:41:29.000 Hey, Eric Griffin.

01:41:30.000 I know that, dude.

01:41:31.000 It's a straight-up talk show inside a full warehouse.

01:41:35.000 Here's the problem with that. 1.00

01:41:37.000 It is the worst dumb fucking way to sit down when you're talking to somebody ever. 0.99

01:41:40.000 First of all, why are you above him? 1.00

01:41:42.000 You know Eric's taller than you. 0.99

01:41:45.000 That's ridiculous. 1.00

01:41:47.000 And second of all, why would you sit like that while he sits sideways like that? 1.00

01:41:51.000 That's so retarded. 1.00

01:41:53.000 Podcast is the way to talk. 0.94

01:41:54.000 This is good.

01:41:55.000 See, look at you, look at me.

01:41:56.000 See, we're right here.

01:41:57.000 They're not one person.

01:41:59.000 People got mad at me when I had this special ergonomic chair that was, like, taller.

01:42:05.000 So I got all these tweets like, dude, you're trying to psychologically have an up?

01:42:09.000 You're trying to psychologically be above your guests?

01:42:12.000 Yeah.

01:42:13.000 I'm way taller than you.

01:42:15.000 I have to be above you to look down upon you.

01:42:18.000 Letterman's a tall dude anyway.

01:42:19.000 On top of that, his desk is tall.

01:42:20.000 Yeah, he's very tall.

01:42:21.000 On top of that, his desk is taller.

01:42:23.000 That's an odd approach, but that's how everybody always did it.

01:42:27.000 It was that sideways desk, Johnny Carson style.

01:42:30.000 Desk.

01:42:30.000 What are you, writing books?

01:42:32.000 What's the desk? 1.00

01:42:33.000 Why do you have a fucking desk? 1.00

01:42:35.000 To talk to people, you need a desk? 1.00

01:42:37.000 That seems retarded. 0.99

01:42:38.000 But it's like, you know, it's... 0.93

01:42:40.000 The guy was a schoolteacher or something.

01:42:41.000 I mean, that's how we looked at it. 1.00

01:42:43.000 A fucking desk? 1.00

01:42:45.000 Everyone's so unoriginal. 1.00

01:42:46.000 People are just such copycats.

01:42:47.000 Everybody.

01:42:48.000 Craig Ferguson.

01:42:50.000 Everybody.

01:42:50.000 Jimmy Kimmel.

01:42:50.000 Everybody just copies the original Johnny Carson setup.

01:42:54.000 Which is one of the worst formats ever for communicating with people.

01:42:57.000 The only thing it does is establish that one person is in control of the situation.

01:43:01.000 The guy behind the desk.

01:43:02.000 That's the captain.

01:43:04.000 And so you go, well, I'll be right back.

01:43:05.000 You know, he could be right back quicker.

01:43:06.000 Then if there's like all a bunch of dudes sitting around, circled with the chairs, the same height and in the same style, then it'd be a little weirder.

01:43:15.000 Like, why is Dean the head?

01:43:17.000 Why doesn't Tom Green get to decide when they go?

01:43:20.000 You know what I mean?

01:43:21.000 That's why I think Joan Rivers had it best. 0.99

01:43:22.000 She had it in bed, which is the most comfortable.

01:43:24.000 You're just gazing at each other's eyes, maybe touch some feet.

01:43:27.000 I'm mad that I didn't get a chance to do that.

01:43:29.000 I know.

01:43:30.000 I'm mad that I really didn't get a chance to meet her either.

01:43:32.000 What a bummer.

01:43:33.000 I was booked on that.

01:43:34.000 I was booked on that and something happened.

01:43:36.000 We canceled or someone canceled.

01:43:38.000 I don't remember the exact details, but she was an all-time great.

01:43:42.000 Oh, God, man.

01:43:43.000 All-time great.

01:43:44.000 Ballsy to the end.

01:43:45.000 I mean, just that, what she had to put up with when she decided to do her own show after Carson, and he just bans her, she could have easily just been buried, you know? 0.98

01:43:55.000 Carson was a douchebag. 0.95

01:43:56.000 Oh, you watched the documentary? 1.00

01:43:58.000 He was a big dick. 1.00

01:43:58.000 He had a big dick? 1.00

01:43:59.000 No, that and he was a big dick. 1.00

01:44:01.000 That too, both, right? 0.99

01:44:03.000 These things were different then, man.

01:44:04.000 You can't be that guy today.

01:44:06.000 Nobody would allow it. 1.00

01:44:07.000 It would get out that you're that kind of a cunt. 1.00

01:44:09.000 Shitty to people. 1.00

01:44:10.000 But it's also back then, you know, we talked about this like with Howard Stern and radio guys.

01:44:14.000 It's like back then they were all fighting over a time slot. 0.99

01:44:18.000 And that's kind of stupid now. 0.97

01:44:19.000 Yeah, time slots are gone now. 0.99

01:44:21.000 It's people, whenever they're working and listening or working out or commuting or whatever.

01:44:26.000 Well, because of DVRs and also with these...

01:44:29.000 One of the things that Letterman kind of...

01:44:30.000 One of the reasons why he decided to step back was...

01:44:33.000 What shows had become mostly is like the show would get a certain amount of views, but what really would get a lot of views would be the clips from the show that would go online.

01:44:44.000 And then people would be able to access those whenever they wanted.

01:44:46.000 And that became a big thing.

01:44:47.000 And he was missing that.

01:44:49.000 He was like, we're just not doing that.

01:44:51.000 Like Jimmy Fallon is doing that.

01:44:53.000 Kimmel's doing that.

01:44:54.000 We're not doing that anymore.

01:44:55.000 And he just realized that the whole genre was kind of passing his style by. 0.92

01:45:00.000 Yeah, like Maren was on last week and they made the clip that Maren stops masturbating because of drought, because he masturbates in the shower. 0.88

01:45:08.000 And it was a huge clip on YouTube.

01:45:10.000 You're instantly going to watch it, you know, because they break it down into the meat of the interviews, the funny jokes.

01:45:17.000 You can watch the show kind of in like 15 minutes.

01:45:20.000 Yeah, like that Louis C.K. thing.

01:45:23.000 Everything is great and no one's happy.

01:45:25.000 You know the thing about technology?

01:45:28.000 Oh, I love that.

01:45:29.000 That was on Conan, and that became like this huge viral sensation, which was way bigger a hit than the actual episode itself, which, you know...

01:45:38.000 Not that many people watch Conan anymore.

01:45:40.000 Yeah, it's pretty low, right?

01:45:42.000 It's very low in comparison to like what the Johnny Carson show used to be at one point in time.

01:45:47.000 There's no show like that where everybody watches The Tonight Show.

01:45:51.000 30 million a night, Carson, and then I guess when he signed off, 60 million on the night he signed off.

01:45:57.000 When you got on The Tonight Show back then, they made a star out of you.

01:46:01.000 There's no show like that anymore that makes someone a star.

01:46:04.000 But if you became a regular on The Tonight Show and you would sit on the couch next to Johnny, you were in, man.

01:46:10.000 You made it.

01:46:11.000 You were royalty.

01:46:12.000 You were adorned.

01:46:14.000 You were knighted.

01:46:15.000 Stephen Wright.

01:46:16.000 I mean, it changed his world.

01:46:18.000 Was that Letterman or was that Carson?

01:46:20.000 That's Carson.

01:46:20.000 Then he was asked back the next day.

01:46:23.000 He goes, well, you come back tomorrow, and he came back and did another set the next day or whatever.

01:46:27.000 But I say this to people all the time.

01:46:32.000 It's bigger to do Rogan podcast or Marin or, say, the top five than it is to do a Tonight Show set.

01:46:40.000 Now it is.

01:46:41.000 Yeah, because I go all over and people go, man, I heard you on such and such.

01:46:45.000 And it's amazing.

01:46:46.000 And because people find those podcasts at different times.

01:46:49.000 If you're on TV, it goes by and if they didn't see it, they didn't see it.

01:46:53.000 But every day somebody finds an episode I was on.

01:46:57.000 Say this, a year from now, they're like, I just heard you on Rogan, man!

01:47:01.000 And they discovered on their own time frame.

01:47:04.000 Well, we have it set up with the most access possible, too.

01:47:07.000 I don't have a subscription-based.

01:47:09.000 Some guys, like, you can get the first episodes.

01:47:11.000 Like, Marin has that, right?

01:47:12.000 Yeah.

01:47:12.000 The backlog.

01:47:13.000 First 50 are free or whatever, and then you buy the backlogs. 1.00

01:47:16.000 But I feel like you fuck yourself when you do that. 0.99

01:47:20.000 I feel like what the real connection is is the fact that it's all free. 1.00

01:47:24.000 That's the easiest you can get it, whether it's through Stitcher or through YouTube or through Ustream or Vimeo or whatever the fuck it is.

01:47:32.000 You just got to be able to get it as easily as possible.

01:47:35.000 And then if people like it, it just spreads.

01:47:37.000 You know, so the growth we're experiencing because of just word of mouth.

01:47:42.000 We're up 2 million downloads from last month.

01:47:45.000 Wow.

01:47:45.000 2 million in a month.

01:47:47.000 It's madness. 0.99

01:47:49.000 It's like an exponential fucking tsunami of madness. 1.00

01:47:52.000 It's crazy. 0.99

01:47:52.000 I call it the... 0.99

01:47:54.000 It's like Metallica.

01:47:55.000 It's the old school grassroots.

01:47:58.000 Metallica had a cassette tape.

01:48:00.000 Like 40 people got them.

01:48:02.000 Lars sent them to guys.

01:48:04.000 I love Metallica.

01:48:05.000 Send me a tape.

01:48:05.000 They copied those tapes.

01:48:07.000 They sent them to their buddies.

01:48:08.000 Their buddies copied those tapes.

01:48:10.000 They sent them to their buddies.

01:48:11.000 In a matter of five years, there's probably 200,000 of those cassettes out.

01:48:16.000 Grassroots.

01:48:16.000 Tell me it's not ironic that Lars Ulrich was the guy who was trying to take down Napster after all that.

01:48:22.000 It's hilarious. 0.99

01:48:23.000 Word of mouth and the ability to spread your shit is what made them in the first place. 0.99

01:48:27.000 And then he's like, hey man, we want that money. 0.99

01:48:30.000 What are you doing with that money, Napster?

01:48:32.000 Should have used Trey Parker and Matt Stone instead.

01:48:35.000 They made a VHS tape as a little Christmas gift.

01:48:39.000 It was like a 10-minute thing, and then that spread through Hollywood over at night.

01:48:42.000 Dude, I saw it.

01:48:43.000 I saw it back then before the show was on.

01:48:45.000 Yes, I did.

01:48:46.000 That was the Brian Boitano one. 1.00

01:48:47.000 Oh my God, it was goddamn genius. 0.98

01:48:49.000 What would Brian Boitano do? 0.97

01:48:51.000 All I'm saying is metal people, the way they spread stuff, are like podcasts.

01:48:56.000 Comedy podcast people are.

01:48:58.000 It's great.

01:48:58.000 They're like, man, did you hear this show?

01:49:00.000 I think one of the best things about comedy podcasts is unlike what happened with Johnny Carson and Joan Rivers, podcasters all support other podcasters.

01:49:09.000 It seems to be across the board.

01:49:10.000 I haven't seen any beef where podcasters saying, hey, if you do Adam Carolla's show, you can't do my show.

01:49:15.000 No one does that.

01:49:16.000 Nope.

01:49:17.000 That was the model.

01:49:18.000 That was the model.

01:49:19.000 They all did it.

01:49:19.000 They all did that.

01:49:20.000 Totally. 1.00

01:49:21.000 They all fucked each other because of that. 0.99

01:49:22.000 And because they were fighting over these time slots, and everyone had this famine theory going on, where if you weren't number one, you were below number one. 0.99

01:49:31.000 And you were losing if you were in second place.

01:49:34.000 You made less money, and everyone's panicking.

01:49:36.000 So they had these politics that were playing back and forth like that.

01:49:38.000 Remember that movie that they did?

01:49:40.000 That was great.

01:49:40.000 Jay Leno and David Letterman and the late night wars.

01:49:44.000 Doesn't NBC do that right now with like Fallon or somebody like that?

01:49:48.000 If you do Fallon, you can't do Kimmel or something?

01:49:52.000 Yeah, they probably have laws like that. 0.99

01:49:54.000 You know, they probably, I mean, some people could probably do whatever the fuck they want, but they probably have laws like that.

01:49:59.000 Unwritten rules like that. 0.85

01:50:01.000 Yeah, like if you're DeNiro, you go, I do them all.

01:50:02.000 And they go, that's fine.

01:50:03.000 We just want DeNiro. 1.00

01:50:04.000 It's a stupid model. 1.00

01:50:06.000 You have to be tuned in by 11 o'clock. 1.00

01:50:09.000 That's when it starts.

01:50:10.000 And it ends at 1.30.

01:50:12.000 Why?

01:50:13.000 Just show it all the time.

01:50:16.000 Have it available whenever anybody wants to watch it.

01:50:19.000 Then it'll be better.

01:50:20.000 It's like this model of tuning in for something and waiting for it.

01:50:24.000 That's why I love Netflix.

01:50:25.000 Netflix takes a season, and they go, Season 3 of Orange is the New Black is out.

01:50:31.000 Good luck! 0.99

01:50:32.000 And then you get all the fucking episodes. 0.99

01:50:34.000 The whole season is out in one fell swoop. 0.99

01:50:37.000 Yeah, binge watch, which I love to do in a hotel somewhere on the road.

01:50:40.000 Oh, it's the best.

01:50:41.000 Yeah. 0.94

01:50:42.000 If you get a hold of a fucking series and you find out about it, and you find out about it like after five seasons already done, I didn't find out about Game of Thrones until I think the second season. 0.97

01:50:52.000 Yeah. 0.98

01:50:52.000 So I watched the whole first season, and then deep, and when I caught up, I was sad. 0.98

01:50:56.000 Yeah.

01:50:57.000 I know, right?

01:50:58.000 Because it's a week to week.

01:50:59.000 Yeah.

01:50:59.000 That was me with Breaking Bad.

01:51:01.000 Three seasons straight.

01:51:03.000 I got the flu.

01:51:05.000 What a brutal show to watch with the flu.

01:51:08.000 It's all dark. 0.99

01:51:09.000 You're feeling shitty.

01:51:12.000 You know what I mean?

01:51:13.000 I watched all three, and then I was like, wait, now I gotta wait? 1.00

01:51:17.000 Oh, fuck. 0.99

01:51:18.000 Yeah, I think that that's the future. 1.00

01:51:20.000 We're gonna laugh one day thinking about the idea of tuning in to a special time to watch a show.

01:51:25.000 Like, what?

01:51:26.000 Like a world premiere, 8 p.m., you're sitting there with your popcorn.

01:51:29.000 You've had it for hours!

01:51:31.000 Play it! 1.00

01:51:32.000 Upload it, you fuck! 1.00

01:51:34.000 Upload it so I can get it whenever. 1.00

01:51:35.000 On demand is the future, 100%.

01:51:37.000 Oh yeah, I love it. 1.00

01:51:38.000 Everything else is stupid. 1.00

01:51:39.000 It really is. 1.00

01:51:40.000 The idea of tuning in, I guess maybe new shows, with that exception. 0.95

01:51:45.000 Because at the end of the day, you do want to find out what the fuck is going on in the world.

01:51:49.000 But even those shows, man, they're getting trounced by, like, the Young Turks and all these, like, online shows that can do whatever they want. 0.91

01:51:56.000 Well, Twitter, as far as scoops.

01:51:58.000 Yeah, hell yeah.

01:51:59.000 You find out who's dead.

01:52:00.000 Twitter's my news.

01:52:01.000 Immediately.

01:52:02.000 Instantly.

01:52:02.000 Yeah, RIP. Someone will tag you.

01:52:04.000 Oh, shit. 0.99

01:52:04.000 Yeah, and just to think, when Periscope does catch on more, it's going to be news, Twitter, but video. 0.99

01:52:10.000 So, like, if something's happening in Washington, we could just turn to that exact street and go, there's four people on Periscope right there.

01:52:16.000 We got four different camera views in that street right now.

01:52:20.000 And that's what it's going to be like.

01:52:21.000 Well, Ustream did a lot of that during the Ferguson riots.

01:52:24.000 There's a lot of streaming services that do that during Baltimore.

01:52:28.000 All that kind of stuff is the future.

01:52:30.000 Oh, God, yeah.

01:52:31.000 Periscope, I mean, that is definitely the future, man.

01:52:34.000 I was watching somebody last night for an hour.

01:52:37.000 I had no idea who they were.

01:52:38.000 They were just this miscellaneous person in Germany, just watching them hang out.

01:52:43.000 How about those Twitch things that we were watching, the Twitch channel, which is all these people playing video games, and then you look at it down and go, whoa, whoa, whoa, hold on.

01:52:51.000 That guy's got 10,000 people watching him play a video game? 0.98

01:52:54.000 Isn't that fucking crazy? 1.00

01:52:55.000 It's an arena-filled I mean, think about if you were performing in front of 10,000 people, you'd be like, holy fuck. 1.00

01:53:01.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:53:01.000 You reached 10,000 people with your words? 0.99

01:53:03.000 That's crazy, right?

01:53:04.000 This guy's playing a video game in his underwear.

01:53:07.000 Did you read that article, Joe, which has really hit me big time as a comedian, if you have 1,000 true fans, you can survive as an artist?

01:53:18.000 What is that?

01:53:18.000 What are you showing me?

01:53:19.000 I was just showing that the other day on Periscope had 10,000 live viewers.

01:53:22.000 You did?

01:53:23.000 You had 10,000 people watching live?

01:53:25.000 Yeah, on Periscope.

01:53:26.000 Live at the same time?

01:53:27.000 I don't know if it's all at the same time, but it was 10,000 different people watching.

01:53:30.000 Wow! 0.96

01:53:31.000 And I was just fucking with people on, like, web. 0.99

01:53:33.000 Wow, that's amazing. 0.99

01:53:34.000 That's great.

01:53:35.000 I'm sorry, what are you saying?

01:53:36.000 If you have a thousand true fans, what?

01:53:38.000 Yeah.

01:53:38.000 Yeah, there's an article a guy wrote.

01:53:41.000 I read it online about two weeks ago, and he said that if you, as an artist, have 1,000 true fans, you could survive doing art, whatever form of art you do, forever.

01:53:53.000 Because he said the 1,000 people, would you think, oh, that sounds pretty easy.

01:53:58.000 I'm trying to get 100 right now.

01:54:00.000 1,000 true fans.

01:54:01.000 This is an incredible article if you read this.

01:54:04.000 Who wrote this?

01:54:05.000 Doesn't matter.

01:54:06.000 We'll get to the end of it.

01:54:07.000 The long...

01:54:08.000 The long tail is a famously good...

01:54:11.000 What?

01:54:13.000 Okay, just stop.

01:54:14.000 I'm reading. 1.00

01:54:15.000 Fuck. 1.00

01:54:15.000 You're scrolling. 1.00

01:54:16.000 Fuck. 1.00

01:54:16.000 The long tail is famously good news for two classes of people, a few lucky aggregators, such as Amazon and Netflix, and six billion consumers. 1.00

01:54:24.000 Of those two, I think it's...

01:54:26.000 Okay, this is a...

01:54:27.000 What he said, though, basically, is if you have 1,000 fans that each spend about $100 a year on you, meaning they bought a DVD, you know, or they bought a ticket, a couple tickets, or they watched your special, 100 a year,

01:54:43.000 you got about 100,000 after everything, maybe 50, 60, you could survive awesome on that every year.

01:54:51.000 Totally.

01:54:51.000 The problem I have is the term true fan.

01:54:54.000 Right, I gotcha.

01:54:54.000 I don't even like saying fans.

01:54:56.000 I don't either.

01:54:57.000 People who like you.

01:54:58.000 I say friends.

01:54:59.000 Soldiers.

01:55:01.000 I always say friends.

01:55:03.000 Cult members.

01:55:04.000 Yeah, cult members.

01:55:05.000 I call them my friends because if they're into the stuff I'm into, We would be friends. 0.85

01:55:11.000 Yeah, if you're doing good shit and people like your good shit and they keep supporting it and you have a commitment with them, it's kind of cool because it's like you have customers. 0.92

01:55:18.000 It's like say if you were like a guy who made great shoes or something like that, handmade shoes. 0.98

01:55:23.000 You got a bunch of customers that swear by the Dean Del Rey shoe.

01:55:25.000 Yeah.

01:55:26.000 You know, and they buy them whenever they can and it's like if you're doing good work and they appreciate good work, If you really can nail it and just lock in.

01:55:35.000 That's a comic.

01:55:36.000 It's hard, right?

01:55:37.000 It makes you feel good, though.

01:55:39.000 They like my podcast.

01:55:40.000 They get emails at night, man, and they're like, dude, this stuff you're talking about with music, no one likes it like me, I feel.

01:55:47.000 I can relate, man.

01:55:50.000 It feels good.

01:55:51.000 Let There Be Talk is your podcast. 0.99

01:55:53.000 Is it mostly about rock and roll or is it about all kinds of shit? 0.98

01:55:55.000 It's all kinds of shit, but I really, I have a lot of rock and rollers on and people that I loved in life that have, you know, that influenced me, you know? 0.99

01:56:06.000 I try to seek them out. 0.98

01:56:07.000 Maybe a guy that built choppers, you know?

01:56:10.000 Or a guy who's an amazing motor builder.

01:56:13.000 And then a comedian that blows my mind.

01:56:15.000 Then a rocker.

01:56:17.000 The cool thing about what you're doing is you don't have to talk to anybody about what you do.

01:56:23.000 You don't have to sit down with some guy and go, Dean, I think we're in the wrong direction with this.

01:56:28.000 What we want to do is, first of all, we want to dye your mustache.

01:56:31.000 The gray in your mustache.

01:56:32.000 The young kids today, they can't relate.

01:56:35.000 The tattoos are great, but maybe a lip ring or something.

01:56:42.000 Yeah, they're trying to, like, get you hip, you know?

01:56:45.000 Yeah, maybe a teardrop tattoo.

01:56:47.000 Just a little one in the corner of your cheek.

01:56:49.000 I look at dudes like you and Maren, and those are the dudes, and Burr, and I just, those are the guys, you know?

01:56:58.000 If you like something, you know, you figure it out.

01:57:03.000 Like, these guys are doing it, man.

01:57:05.000 You know, they're doing it.

01:57:07.000 And you figure out, like, what is my niche?

01:57:09.000 I love music.

01:57:10.000 Let's talk about rock.

01:57:11.000 But I love comedy, too, so we got guys on, you know?

01:57:14.000 Being yourself.

01:57:15.000 Being yourself.

01:57:16.000 That's the cool thing about podcasts.

01:57:18.000 You can really truly be yourself.

01:57:19.000 Because, you know, you just have a microphone and a camera.

01:57:22.000 You don't even have a camera.

01:57:24.000 It's just audio, right?

01:57:25.000 Audio, yeah.

01:57:26.000 That's just...

01:57:27.000 There's never been a time where you could do that. 0.99

01:57:30.000 There's never been a time where you could have your own fucking radio show that's available instantly. 0.79

01:57:33.000 If I drive home right now, I can go into iTunes, I go into the podcast app, rather, on my iPhone, and I just write Dean Del Rey, and it'll show me, let there be talk, boom, and I'll just start streaming it. 0.94

01:57:45.000 I'll put my foot down, I mean, put my seat, my phone down on the seat at a red light.

01:57:50.000 During that red light, I picked up your podcast and I'm listening to it now.

01:57:54.000 That's insane.

01:57:55.000 Or I could say it.

01:57:56.000 I mean, you say Dean Del Rey, and they'll put it up in the search.

01:58:02.000 It's amazing how accurate that thing is.

01:58:04.000 It's crazy.

01:58:05.000 It's crazy. 1.00

01:58:05.000 It's a weird time to be alive with all this shit. 1.00

01:58:08.000 I was lucky, too, that I figured out how to do it on my own. 0.99

01:58:13.000 I was looking at Brian. 1.00

01:58:14.000 I went on the road with Brian last year, and this fucking guy works his ass off. 0.99

01:58:20.000 We're out on the road. 1.00

01:58:21.000 How dare you lie to America.

01:58:24.000 Everyone knows him way more than you do. 0.66

01:58:25.000 When we were out on the road, he was working his ass off.

01:58:28.000 He had the shows booked, he had the hotels booked, he had the rental car, he had the flights, and we were cruising around, and I was like, this is a self-made machine here, the desk quad.

01:58:38.000 You have to figure out a way to do your own thing in this day and age, because if you do bring other people in, especially in the beginning, you're going to have to give them a cut of almost nothing.

01:58:49.000 So as you're hustling and you're trying to put together these shows, if you're giving a manager 15% of that and an agent 10%, 25% is gone, then you have to pay taxes.

01:58:59.000 You know what sucks is when you're on the road with somebody that does have a manager and then they still get your 10%?

01:59:05.000 I don't want to say who, but I got checks because I was on the road and their manager took 10% out of my cut.

01:59:11.000 I'm like, wait, that's not right.

01:59:12.000 What are you talking about?

01:59:14.000 Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute.

01:59:17.000 You got robbed.

01:59:19.000 You don't have a contract with someone and they took 10% out of your check? 1.00

01:59:22.000 Who the fuck is this? 0.99

01:59:24.000 Nothing. 1.00

01:59:24.000 Who the fuck did that? 1.00

01:59:28.000 Somebody robbed you. 1.00

01:59:29.000 I know, so it's weird, but it's cool.

01:59:31.000 Did they tell you that it's going to...

01:59:33.000 They tell you we're going to get a certain amount and then they took 10% of that amount?

01:59:38.000 Brian opened up a can there.

01:59:40.000 Dude, someone's robbing people.

01:59:42.000 I know, that's right.

01:59:43.000 But what's cool is working with Dean is because Dean doesn't have a manager.

01:59:46.000 Let's have a fake name.

01:59:47.000 Let's use a fake name.

01:59:50.000 Rhymes with... 1.00

01:59:51.000 Fuck, man. 1.00

01:59:55.000 That's gross. 1.00

01:59:56.000 That's someone stealing money. 1.00

01:59:57.000 That's fucking wrong. 0.99

01:59:58.000 Well, you know, it's just weird that managers even do that. 0.98

02:00:02.000 He's not managing you.

02:00:03.000 See, if he's not managing you, like a manager...

02:00:06.000 Here's a deal.

02:00:06.000 And you got the person to gig!

02:00:08.000 Where's your cut as the agent?

02:00:10.000 Wow.

02:00:10.000 Here's the deal though.

02:00:11.000 This is what I'm saying.

02:00:12.000 As a manager, a manager is a long-term commitment.

02:00:16.000 I've had the same manager since I was an open-miker and most comedians try to keep a manager for a long time and the agent is someone who works with you guys but is not as close as the manager.

02:00:26.000 The manager is supposed to be the person that's like looking over your career in an advisory position and like no one's advising you.

02:00:34.000 That guy's not advising Go on Periscope now.

02:00:36.000 I really think it'll help.

02:00:37.000 He's not advising you at all.

02:00:38.000 So he's taking 10% for what reason?

02:00:41.000 Because he's stolen.

02:00:42.000 Booking the gig, I guess.

02:00:43.000 You've got to get that money back, dude.

02:00:46.000 We're going to find that money.

02:00:48.000 We're going to get it back one way or another.

02:00:49.000 We're going to book a gig with this guy, and then we're going to steal that money. 0.99

02:00:53.000 God damn it. 0.99

02:00:56.000 Jacob Dylan loves you, man. 0.99

02:00:57.000 I wanted to tell you that.

02:00:58.000 He still remembers the time his kids got to go down to the set.

02:01:02.000 A Fear Factor?

02:01:03.000 Yeah.

02:01:04.000 I never forgot.

02:01:05.000 He's like, man, it was so great.

02:01:06.000 My kids just lost their minds.

02:01:08.000 They love the show.

02:01:09.000 They're in there.

02:01:10.000 The guy's eating eyeballs, you know, five feet away.

02:01:13.000 He loved it, man.

02:01:14.000 He's a good guy.

02:01:15.000 He is a great guy. 0.93

02:01:16.000 He's a really, really fucking talented singer, too. 0.72

02:01:19.000 One of my best friends. 0.77

02:01:20.000 Is he really?

02:01:21.000 Yeah, man.

02:01:21.000 I always wondered why they didn't take off.

02:01:25.000 What was that song?

02:01:29.000 One headlight.

02:01:30.000 Yeah, there it is.

02:01:31.000 Yeah, well, they sold 26 million records.

02:01:34.000 I know, but how come he didn't keep making jams like that?

02:01:37.000 Like, what happened? 0.95

02:01:38.000 Well, when you have a record that fucking big, it was huge. 0.94

02:01:43.000 That is hard to come, you know, people... 1.00

02:01:46.000 Dude, you're wearing an ACDC hat, so shut your mouth. 1.00

02:01:49.000 They did that shit for decades. 1.00

02:01:52.000 Damn! 1.00

02:01:54.000 Yeah, right. 1.00

02:01:55.000 I mean, come on, man.

02:01:56.000 Yeah, I'm just saying, it is hard, though.

02:01:58.000 Like, some people...

02:01:59.000 You know, here's a perfect example.

02:02:01.000 Dirty deeds.

02:02:02.000 Dirty cheap.

02:02:03.000 Come on, man. 0.98

02:02:04.000 I love that, right?

02:02:05.000 If you're having a problem with the high school head, he's giving you the news.

02:02:12.000 I love that, right?

02:02:14.000 You want to graduate, but not this way.

02:02:17.000 Here's what you gotta do.

02:02:19.000 Dude, you got that rock and roll voice.

02:02:21.000 Oh, I love it.

02:02:21.000 Hey, you see my band, Scott?

02:02:23.000 What is that?

02:02:23.000 Oh my god!

02:02:25.000 I forgot about that! 1.00

02:02:27.000 Holy shit! 1.00

02:02:29.000 Stand up with those so that they can see on the camera. 1.00

02:02:32.000 Wow, who did that, man?

02:02:33.000 Oh, this guy.

02:02:34.000 Oh, yeah, yeah.

02:02:36.000 See, look at that.

02:02:37.000 That's badass.

02:02:38.000 A guy named Nico Hurtado.

02:02:40.000 Oh, I know Nico Hurtado. 0.99

02:02:41.000 He's fucking unbelievable. 0.98

02:02:43.000 He's a California guy, right? 0.99

02:02:44.000 Yeah.

02:02:44.000 He worked on Cat Von D on that TV show a couple years, but he has his own place out in Grass Valley, and this guy is next level for portraits.

02:02:56.000 He's super talented for everything.

02:02:58.000 For everything. 0.98

02:02:59.000 He's super fucking talented. 0.83

02:02:59.000 So good, man. 0.83

02:03:00.000 I went out there 16 hours, that thing.

02:03:04.000 Eight and eight.

02:03:04.000 That took 16 hours?

02:03:06.000 Yeah.

02:03:06.000 And this rib cage is the worst place ever to get a tattoo.

02:03:11.000 I remember he started, I went, hey, you might want to move to another spot for a few minutes.

02:03:15.000 That's kind of tender.

02:03:16.000 And he's like, yeah, the whole thing's going to be like that.

02:03:19.000 I was like, what?

02:03:20.000 We're only ten minutes in.

02:03:22.000 And you're ready to quit?

02:03:23.000 Oh, yeah.

02:03:24.000 Just make it a bumblebee. 0.96

02:03:25.000 And I'm covered.

02:03:26.000 How much harder is it than your arms?

02:03:28.000 It's like, I can't describe it.

02:03:32.000 It's so bad.

02:03:33.000 It's so bad that I didn't get Angus on the other side, which was the original plan.

02:03:41.000 I'll probably do it, though.

02:03:43.000 If you do it, we should film it in Periscope.

02:03:45.000 Yeah, right?

02:03:46.000 Actually, we should have him do it here in the studio.

02:03:50.000 Well, Joey Diaz is getting sponsors on Periscope now.

02:03:53.000 They're contacting him.

02:03:54.000 What?

02:03:54.000 Because he does the morning joint.

02:03:56.000 Oh, yeah. 0.99

02:03:57.000 He gets up in the morning, he lights up a joint, and he starts dropping science and motivation on your gay dog. 1.00

02:04:02.000 All right, you cogsuggers. 1.00

02:04:03.000 And so for, you know, whatever minutes when he gets up and smokes his first joint of the day, he brings people on this ride with him and they call it the morning joint.

02:04:10.000 So he's going to get, you could get a sponsor for your tattoo.

02:04:15.000 That'd be great, right?

02:04:16.000 Yeah.

02:04:17.000 They might even pay for the tattoo.

02:04:18.000 Man.

02:04:19.000 How about that?

02:04:19.000 I really want to get the other side done.

02:04:21.000 Uh-huh.

02:04:22.000 Yeah.

02:04:22.000 Come on.

02:04:23.000 And I want to get the Comedy Store logo, too.

02:04:26.000 Really?

02:04:26.000 Yeah, I do.

02:04:27.000 That's dangerous.

02:04:28.000 Yeah, because they need a new logo, I think.

02:04:30.000 No, no, no.

02:04:31.000 It's just a big deal to me, though.

02:04:33.000 You know what I mean?

02:04:33.000 My name's on the wall, and it was the biggest thing that ever happened to me.

02:04:40.000 And I played music and toured with everybody and done all kinds of shit, but that was next-level stuff. 0.63

02:04:45.000 It's great until you look at some other people that are on the wall. 0.96

02:04:48.000 Towing company. 0.99

02:04:49.000 Hold on a fucking second here. 1.00

02:04:50.000 The spaghetti boys, what is that? 1.00

02:04:52.000 A few fucks on that wall that really takes some black paint to. 0.96

02:04:56.000 I sat there the other day and just Googled half the names on the front patio because I was like, what's a Zcat? 0.97

02:05:05.000 I was like, what is Zcat?

02:05:06.000 And half of them I don't even think are real.

02:05:08.000 I think literally people came in there and just drew.

02:05:11.000 No.

02:05:11.000 There's a few, like a towing truck company is on there.

02:05:14.000 I'm like, how is a towing truck company?

02:05:15.000 There is?

02:05:15.000 Yeah.

02:05:16.000 I'll show it to you.

02:05:17.000 It's weird.

02:05:19.000 It's a big deal to me, though.

02:05:22.000 It's just like, from the ground up, I was 44, I just stumbled onto that patio like, hey, I'm here to do comedy! 0.99

02:05:29.000 And they're like, get the fuck out of here. 0.90

02:05:32.000 I had Fitzsimmons on yesterday, and we were talking about that book, about the Comedy Store. 0.93

02:05:37.000 What is it called?

02:05:37.000 I love it.

02:05:38.000 What is it called?

02:05:39.000 The...

02:05:40.000 Comedy...

02:05:42.000 You don't know.

02:05:43.000 Yeah, I do.

02:05:43.000 I have it.

02:05:44.000 It's a standing...

02:05:46.000 Or what is it?

02:05:48.000 What's it called?

02:05:49.000 It's a great book, man.

02:05:50.000 I can't believe no one's made that movie.

02:05:52.000 But what he was basically saying was that at those days...

02:05:55.000 What?

02:05:55.000 I'm dying up here.

02:05:56.000 I'm dying up here.

02:05:57.000 He was saying that the description of what the store was in the 70s is exactly like it was today.

02:06:04.000 Yeah.

02:06:05.000 It was like comics hanging out in the back patio, people going on stage there.

02:06:09.000 It's amazing that place kept that freaky vibe.

02:06:13.000 I did a dollar show last night, the doorman show in the belly room last night.

02:06:17.000 Yep.

02:06:17.000 That's such a good idea for a show, too.

02:06:19.000 You don't understand how happy it makes all the door guys and stuff that work there, because they pretty much used to have two nights of open mic, and then they took it away.

02:06:28.000 And so now this is way better for the people that work there, because that was the only reason why these guys work there, which is just to get spots.

02:06:35.000 So the doorman went up, Jeff Ross did some time, and I closed it out.

02:06:39.000 I did a half an hour and closed it out.

02:06:40.000 It was all sold out.

02:06:41.000 It was only a buck.

02:06:42.000 It's so cool, right?

02:06:43.000 In that room, it says capacity 57 and fire marshal.

02:06:50.000 I think they might be a little bit over.

02:06:53.000 I don't know what they actually get in there, but it's probably about 90. Florentine and I are doing a show there next week.

02:06:58.000 Will you do it with us?

02:06:59.000 If I'm around.

02:07:01.000 Florentine's doing my podcast next week.

02:07:03.000 Yeah, so it's like June 17th.

02:07:05.000 We're doing a Wednesday night live podcast and comedy show in there.

02:07:08.000 If we had you, it'd be the three of us.

02:07:10.000 It'd be insane.

02:07:11.000 And Red Band's on.

02:07:12.000 Yeah, Florentine's on the 15th.

02:07:14.000 So you're doing it on the 17th?

02:07:15.000 17th.

02:07:15.000 And what are you doing?

02:07:16.000 10 o'clock belly room.

02:07:17.000 In the belly room.

02:07:18.000 Yeah.

02:07:18.000 If I can, I definitely will.

02:07:20.000 That'd be great.

02:07:20.000 I'd love it, man.

02:07:21.000 Yeah, that should be...

02:07:22.000 That'd be so fun.

02:07:23.000 That's a new material show.

02:07:25.000 The new material show is earlier.

02:07:27.000 Yeah, and then we're right after it.

02:07:28.000 Yeah, okay, I'll do it.

02:07:29.000 I'll thank you, dude.

02:07:30.000 Because I'm there then, definitely.

02:07:31.000 Oh, it's going to be so great!

02:07:33.000 It's on, my Tunky Kung.

02:07:34.000 That room is just so amazing.

02:07:36.000 It's magic, right?

02:07:37.000 It's the best room.

02:07:38.000 I started in there, man.

02:07:39.000 It's the best room in the country.

02:07:40.000 I just, you know, Dice did a special in there.

02:07:42.000 He did that first record in there, right?

02:07:44.000 In the OR? That's what I heard, right?

02:07:46.000 No.

02:07:47.000 Really?

02:07:47.000 Yeah, I think so.

02:07:48.000 Which one?

02:07:49.000 Uh, it's the very first one.

02:07:51.000 The one that just says Dice?

02:07:53.000 Yeah.

02:07:53.000 He did that in the belly room?

02:07:54.000 Let's look it up real quick.

02:07:56.000 Let's look it up.

02:07:56.000 I'm looking it up right now.

02:07:58.000 Is that a Dean Del Rey voice?

02:07:59.000 They all tried doing it.

02:08:03.000 Dude, what was the story that you told on Dom Herrera's podcast about Joe Walsh?

02:08:07.000 Joe Walsh, yes.

02:08:08.000 Unbelievable story.

02:08:10.000 Joe Walsh is, first of all, an absolute king.

02:08:15.000 Let me tell you, he's one of the nicest guys I've ever opened for.

02:08:20.000 He's so cool.

02:08:21.000 You'd think he'd be Joe Walsh.

02:08:22.000 Like, hey, I'm in the Eagles. 1.00

02:08:24.000 Who the fuck are those? 0.99

02:08:25.000 It wasn't like that at all. 1.00

02:08:26.000 But we were eating a deli tray, and he comes into the dressing room, and he says, Don't eat that shit. 0.99

02:08:34.000 And we're like, what? 1.00

02:08:35.000 Why?

02:08:35.000 And he goes, you don't know what's in there, man.

02:08:39.000 It's just a shitty deli tray. 0.99

02:08:40.000 Don't eat it. 1.00

02:08:41.000 He's all, I got sick before.

02:08:43.000 And I was like, oh, really?

02:08:44.000 And he goes, yeah, let me tell you.

02:08:45.000 He goes, after...

02:08:47.000 He was out of the Eagles.

02:08:49.000 He had a real low spot where he is partying hard and canceling gigs all the time.

02:08:54.000 So he cleaned up, and the manager said, we're book a tour, but if you cancel one show, all the shows will be gone.

02:09:02.000 So the first night of the tour, he's backstage eating on the deli tray after soundcheck, and about a couple hours later, he gets mad food poisoning. 0.81

02:09:10.000 And he starts just shitting. 0.99

02:09:13.000 And shitting. 1.00

02:09:15.000 And he's like, what am I, I gotta cancel. 0.99

02:09:16.000 And the manager goes, you cancel this gig, the entire tour's gone.

02:09:20.000 So they go to Kmart, or whatever was open, and they get the rubber fishing waders.

02:09:26.000 He puts them on, the ones that go up to your tits, the river runs through it fly fishing. 0.99

02:09:32.000 He gets on stage and just starts going at it while he's shitting. 1.00

02:09:37.000 Like every couple, like every few minutes, just, oh! 0.98

02:09:41.000 You're taking my time!

02:09:43.000 I'm losing my mind.

02:09:45.000 You know? 0.99

02:09:48.000 And he's shitting into rubber waiters. 1.00

02:09:50.000 Into rubber waiters. 0.99

02:09:51.000 Then he said, mid-show, he didn't expect this, but the heat from the lamp started burning the diarrhea acids on his legs.

02:10:00.000 And it was like, argh! 0.99

02:10:03.000 And no one looked at Joe Walsh for wearing those, because he wore weird shit all the time. 0.99

02:10:08.000 So they're like, man, this is a wacky show tonight. 1.00

02:10:11.000 I say shit. 1.00

02:10:12.000 He's shitting himself with weirs on. 1.00

02:10:15.000 Good for him, though. 0.97

02:10:16.000 First minute I met him, that's the story he told me.

02:10:19.000 And I hope it's true.

02:10:20.000 It's so great, man.

02:10:21.000 That's amazing.

02:10:22.000 What a great story.

02:10:24.000 I love the Eagles, man.

02:10:25.000 No, the Eagles are...

02:10:26.000 Rocky Mountain High is one of my favorite songs ever.

02:10:30.000 Oh, man.

02:10:30.000 I love that song.

02:10:31.000 I love the one that he did, Shoes, bum bum, bum bum.

02:10:36.000 What you gonna do tonight, then mama?

02:10:39.000 You know, he wrote that one on Long Run.

02:10:42.000 It's great.

02:10:42.000 Life's Been Good to Me So Far.

02:10:44.000 Oh, great one. 1.00

02:10:45.000 Great fucking song. 1.00

02:10:46.000 Oh, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow. 1.00

02:10:48.000 And it's also one of those songs about a guy talking about, like, you know what?

02:10:52.000 I'm just gonna keep doing this.

02:10:54.000 Yeah.

02:10:54.000 You know?

02:10:55.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 0.97

02:10:55.000 I'm living a retarded rock and roll life. 0.97

02:10:57.000 I got arrested. 1.00

02:10:58.000 I'm doing stupid shit. 1.00

02:10:59.000 But life's been good to me so far. 1.00

02:11:01.000 Yeah.

02:11:01.000 That should be my theme song, man.

02:11:04.000 Yeah.

02:11:05.000 I love it. 0.99

02:11:06.000 He's in the fucking Eagles, you know? 0.99

02:11:08.000 All the legendary bands. 0.99

02:11:10.000 And that was the one that was featured in the Big Lebowski.

02:11:13.000 Remember when the dude ate? 1.00

02:11:14.000 Oh, man, the fucking Eagles! 1.00

02:11:16.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:11:16.000 He hated the Eagles. 1.00

02:11:19.000 I remember being offended, going, how could you hate the Eagles?

02:11:22.000 Hotel California? 1.00

02:11:23.000 The fuck do you hate Hotel California? 1.00

02:11:25.000 God, that record is so good, man. 1.00

02:11:28.000 So much good shit on that. 1.00

02:11:28.000 All their shit. 1.00

02:11:29.000 Victim of Love. 1.00

02:11:30.000 You saw the Eagles documentary, right? 1.00

02:11:32.000 Victim of Love is fucking bananas. 0.99

02:11:34.000 It's great. 1.00

02:11:35.000 That's a serious fucking song. 1.00

02:11:37.000 Desperado. 1.00

02:11:39.000 Right? 1.00

02:11:40.000 This shit is great. 1.00

02:11:41.000 Those guys are legends, man. 1.00

02:11:43.000 Just handfuls of songs.

02:11:45.000 Yeah, they had some great writing, too.

02:11:48.000 Hotel California is like one of the all-time great songs.

02:11:51.000 It really is.

02:11:51.000 I love it.

02:11:52.000 That and Life in the Fast Lane, man.

02:11:54.000 Those two, man. 0.99

02:11:55.000 They had some amazing, amazing fucking songs. 0.99

02:11:57.000 What happened with those guys? 0.99

02:11:58.000 They didn't get along, they broke up, and they got back together again when they realized how much money was involved?

02:12:02.000 Yeah, I remember they did the Hell, they said, we'll get back together when Hell freezes over, and then in 96, I think it was, it was called the Hell freezes over tour.

02:12:10.000 I was glad, because I never got to see them, and they opened, I saw them at the shoreline in the Bay Area, and they opened with Hotel California. 0.98

02:12:17.000 I go, can you even fuck, are you opening with Hotel California, man? 0.98

02:12:22.000 You know you're in for a great concert. 1.00

02:12:25.000 You Lying Eyes. 1.00

02:12:26.000 That's a great fucking song. 1.00

02:12:27.000 Great one, man. 1.00

02:12:28.000 Great one.

02:12:29.000 I really like the Long Run record.

02:12:31.000 A lot of people don't like it.

02:12:32.000 It's the last one before they broke up.

02:12:34.000 It's just pure cocaine, but man, it had some good songs on it.

02:12:38.000 I'm Already Gone.

02:12:39.000 Yeah, Already Gone, man. 1.00

02:12:41.000 Already Gone is a great fucking song. 1.00

02:12:43.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:12:44.000 They had some jams.

02:12:45.000 They did, man.

02:12:46.000 Those are some driving songs, too. 0.99

02:12:48.000 You know, like if you're in your car and those come on, you go, fuck yeah. 0.99

02:12:51.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:12:52.000 Fuck yeah. 1.00

02:12:53.000 I love that, those guys. 1.00

02:12:55.000 They had three voices.

02:12:56.000 That's what's a great band.

02:12:58.000 You got, you know, Glenn Frey.

02:13:00.000 Who had a cool hit on Miami Vice.

02:13:03.000 Remember Smuggler's Blues?

02:13:05.000 That's a great one.

02:13:06.000 Then you have Joe Walsh sings, and then you have Don Henley sings.

02:13:10.000 And then even the bass player sings that one.

02:13:13.000 I can't tell you why.

02:13:15.000 That's a great song.

02:13:17.000 Yeah, that guy's great, man.

02:13:18.000 That's a great song.

02:13:19.000 That's a great song.

02:13:20.000 Wow, that's right.

02:13:21.000 That's Eagles, too.

02:13:22.000 Yeah, man.

02:13:23.000 So many hits.

02:13:26.000 That era, man.

02:13:27.000 There's so much good music out of that era.

02:13:29.000 It's weird how music comes in big waves like that.

02:13:32.000 I guess comedy does too.

02:13:34.000 Yeah.

02:13:34.000 Right now it's a huge wave.

02:13:36.000 This is probably the biggest wave I've ever seen.

02:13:37.000 Yeah.

02:13:38.000 Comedy-wise, I think this is the biggest wave I've ever seen.

02:13:40.000 We were talking about that the other night at the store.

02:13:42.000 We were like, this is the golden era of comedy.

02:13:44.000 And everybody agreed.

02:13:46.000 Sarah Silverman was onstage killing.

02:13:48.000 I was hanging out with Burr.

02:13:50.000 We were in the backstage.

02:13:51.000 We were talking about comedy today.

02:13:52.000 And Burr just got back from like 18 sold-out shows.

02:13:55.000 Yeah, I was in there with you.

02:13:56.000 That show it was crazy amazing, but we were talking about it We're like is this has there ever been a better time for stand-up than right now?

02:14:03.000 And we were all like just not there's no better I don't think there's ever been a better time with like more like big-name Headliners and more young guys coming up like the store I've been around the store I took a seven-year break, but I started there in 94. I never saw a crop of hungry,

02:14:20.000 dedicated new guys like now.

02:14:23.000 There was always a few guys that were okay, and I would find those guys and try to help them.

02:14:28.000 I would grab them.

02:14:29.000 I'm like, look, you could stay alive, but you've got to keep moving.

02:14:31.000 But now, it's like they have their own ecosystem.

02:14:33.000 It's a totally different thing.

02:14:35.000 There's way more power.

02:14:38.000 Having that roast battle and all these different bonding shows.

02:14:42.000 They have these bonding shows.

02:14:45.000 Absolutely.

02:14:45.000 Creating a complete environment of art, man.

02:14:50.000 It's like there's no one around going, sorry man, you look like this or that, or you're too old or you're too young.

02:14:56.000 It's like, hey, we're all here.

02:14:57.000 And we're creating this.

02:14:59.000 But those people that say that, they're always the problem.

02:15:02.000 Yeah, they are.

02:15:02.000 There's people that you're too young, you're too old, you're too this, you're too that, you're too tall, you're too short.

02:15:06.000 Those people are always wrong.

02:15:08.000 They're always wrong.

02:15:09.000 Because guys like Joey Diaz just exist.

02:15:12.000 Exactly.

02:15:12.000 And you can't ever script that.

02:15:15.000 You can't hope for that to walk through your door.

02:15:17.000 You can't turn a guy into that.

02:15:20.000 That is what it is.

02:15:21.000 And he's the funniest guy.

02:15:22.000 If this is the funniest time for comedy, I think it is, I think Joey Diaz is the funniest guy that's ever lived.

02:15:27.000 I really do.

02:15:28.000 I don't think there's ever been any funnier.

02:15:30.000 I've seen Kinnison live.

02:15:31.000 I've seen Hicks live.

02:15:33.000 When I saw Pryor live, it was already really late in his life.

02:15:36.000 But no one has ever crushed in front of me like Joey Diaz has.

02:15:42.000 The other night, he did the Comedy Story, did the OR, and I had a post about it on Instagram.

02:15:46.000 I was like, he just broke the world.

02:15:48.000 It was insane.

02:15:50.000 People were falling out of their chairs.

02:15:52.000 They were screaming.

02:15:53.000 People were screaming, laughing, screaming.

02:15:55.000 And the great thing, though, is that he has a guy like you who shouts it out.

02:16:01.000 That's not like, well, this is my world.

02:16:03.000 You know, like the old world where people would be like, this is all me, and I'm not letting anybody else in.

02:16:08.000 Yeah, well, there's always a group of people back then where they had to be, everybody had to be the best.

02:16:14.000 There was like one guy who had to be the guy, whether it was Dice, whether it was Kinison, there was always one guy that was the best, and he thought of as the best. 0.96

02:16:22.000 And then he would have guys around him, but those guys always sucked. 0.98

02:16:25.000 They just weren't that good. 0.92

02:16:27.000 Somebody called them satellite comics.

02:16:29.000 They weren't that good, but like...

02:16:31.000 Diaz is the funniest guy alive.

02:16:33.000 He's the funniest guy ever.

02:16:34.000 He's the guy I take with me on the road.

02:16:36.000 That's great.

02:16:37.000 Whenever I can, whenever he's not busy, but now it sucks because everybody knows I can't take him with me anywhere.

02:16:42.000 He's always busy.

02:16:44.000 He sells out everything.

02:16:44.000 He's just crushed Denver.

02:16:46.000 Just came in like a fucking tornado. 1.00

02:16:49.000 He hadn't been there. 1.00

02:16:50.000 He'd been banned from that club forever.

02:16:52.000 Wow!

02:16:53.000 I'm headlining there at the end of the month.

02:16:55.000 That place is amazing.

02:16:55.000 First time ever.

02:16:56.000 I love that place.

02:16:57.000 It's amazing.

02:16:58.000 That's where I filmed my last comedy special.

02:17:00.000 I know, man.

02:17:00.000 My Comedy Central special.

02:17:01.000 I knew that when I went in there.

02:17:02.000 I was like, this is the one where you did your special.

02:17:05.000 Rocky Mountain High, right?

02:17:07.000 Yeah.

02:17:07.000 And then I go in there, and after the first joke I drop, in my head I go, oh, I get it.

02:17:13.000 The way that fucking rock cave hits and the people are on the stage. 0.97

02:17:19.000 That place is alive. 0.99

02:17:20.000 It's electric.

02:17:21.000 It's a crazy little club. 0.97

02:17:22.000 Crazy, crazy, crazy little club. 0.95

02:17:24.000 But it's just...

02:17:25.000 This time, man, is just really unprecedented.

02:17:28.000 All these comedians are supporting each other, too.

02:17:31.000 It's not like that whole backstabby Johnny Carson type thing we were talking about before.

02:17:35.000 It used to be like that with comedy, too.

02:17:37.000 But it's not like that anymore.

02:17:38.000 There's a great group of people supporting each other now.

02:17:42.000 I got lucky I didn't come in in the 90s.

02:17:44.000 You know what I mean?

02:17:45.000 You've been fine.

02:17:46.000 A lot of people already came in the 90s.

02:17:47.000 Yeah, but I'm just saying it was like there wasn't much of a scene, you know?

02:17:51.000 It was after that 80s gold rush.

02:17:53.000 Well, that's when I came in.

02:17:55.000 I came in in 94. That's when I arrived at the store.

02:17:57.000 It was the worst time ever.

02:17:59.000 Wow.

02:17:59.000 The time when I came in, when I first got there, it was the worst era for the store ever.

02:18:05.000 You would go there on a Monday or a Tuesday and you would see dog shit. 0.99

02:18:10.000 There was terrible comedy going on. 1.00

02:18:13.000 A bunch of them. 1.00

02:18:15.000 And the guy who ran it was a fucking drunk, and the whole thing was a mess. 1.00

02:18:19.000 It was pre-Tommy. 1.00

02:18:20.000 It was another guy who ran it. 1.00

02:18:21.000 This fucking thing was a disaster. 1.00

02:18:23.000 That's crazy. 1.00

02:18:24.000 Yeah.

02:18:24.000 Oh, God.

02:18:25.000 There were so many, like, leftovers that should have made it from the 80s, but didn't, and they fell apart, and they were still doing the same material.

02:18:31.000 Wow.

02:18:32.000 You know how you get a few of those guys?

02:18:34.000 Occasionally, you'll see one of those guys today that still has the same act for 20, like, you'll be at the Ha Ha or Giggles or something like that.

02:18:41.000 It's crazy, right?

02:18:42.000 You're like, whoa.

02:18:43.000 Yeah.

02:18:43.000 This is some old material.

02:18:47.000 Yeah.

02:18:47.000 Well, that was what you got in the 90s, but there were guys from the 80s.

02:18:52.000 Because there was a big wave.

02:18:54.000 In the 80s, the wave was from early 80s to late 80s.

02:19:00.000 And then it started to die off into the 90s.

02:19:02.000 The comedy club started closing.

02:19:03.000 The Boston scene collapsed.

02:19:06.000 All those evening improv shows kind of drifted away.

02:19:08.000 Yep.

02:19:09.000 There was a bunch of those shows for a while, and then they slowly all faded away, and that was in the early 90s.

02:19:15.000 And that's when I came around, the leftovers.

02:19:18.000 Wow.

02:19:18.000 There was so much bad comedy, and there was very few people, there was no one from my era that started off in 94 that's around today.

02:19:26.000 Wow.

02:19:27.000 At the comedy store?

02:19:28.000 Yeah.

02:19:28.000 No one, no one that I could think of.

02:19:30.000 I can't think of one guy who was with me back then, who was in my state, You know, I was already headlining on the road, and I had a television show, but realistically, I learned how to do stand-up at the store.

02:19:41.000 Yeah, that's badass.

02:19:42.000 Realistically.

02:19:43.000 Yeah, that's me, too.

02:19:44.000 That's where I learned.

02:19:45.000 I had some jokes.

02:19:46.000 I knew a little bit about comedy, but I really learned it at the store. 0.98

02:19:50.000 That OR just fucking changes all rules. 0.98

02:19:55.000 Mm-hmm. 0.96

02:19:55.000 And it gets you ready when you're out on the road. 0.96

02:19:57.000 You go, oh, I've seen this.

02:19:58.000 And the belly room is the OR compressed to a diamond.

02:20:01.000 Yeah.

02:20:02.000 I love the belly room.

02:20:03.000 It's like a half of an OR. It's like half the OR. It's like this.

02:20:06.000 That thing's a fort.

02:20:08.000 I call it a comedy fort.

02:20:09.000 Yeah, it is like that, right?

02:20:10.000 You go upstairs, you're in the fort, you know, and it just feels good.

02:20:13.000 You're looking at naked pictures.

02:20:15.000 Until one day it collapses.

02:20:17.000 Oh, right.

02:20:18.000 Especially those roast battle nights.

02:20:20.000 I don't even like going up there those nights.

02:20:23.000 This is going to go in the kitchen.

02:20:25.000 We're going to land in the fryer later.

02:20:27.000 Yeah, man.

02:20:28.000 I get paranoid.

02:20:29.000 I mean, not enough people in here.

02:20:32.000 It's great now with Periscope, though, because all of us just sit and watch it on Periscope now.

02:20:36.000 It's got three feeds.

02:20:37.000 You've got to be there, though, dude.

02:20:39.000 You've got to be there.

02:20:40.000 I'm going to judge in a couple weeks.

02:20:42.000 I can't wait.

02:20:43.000 You know what the problem with Periscope is, though?

02:20:45.000 That people that are outside of it are not going to get it, and they're going to get angry, like at the whites-only table, and all the racism, and the black wave. 0.93

02:20:55.000 What do they call it?

02:20:55.000 The Negro wave?

02:20:56.000 What do they call it?

02:20:57.000 Yeah.

02:20:57.000 My boy Jeremiah Watkins is in that.

02:20:59.000 Yeah.

02:20:59.000 He's white, though.

02:21:00.000 He's allowed.

02:21:01.000 Yeah, yeah.

02:21:02.000 It's a whole thing.

02:21:04.000 It's a magic place.

02:21:06.000 And Kill Tony, too, is a big part of that, too.

02:21:08.000 You guys doing that podcast out of there and getting all these young people, getting this one-minute shot, and it made Kim, and it made Sarah.

02:21:17.000 Those girls came out of that, and now they've got careers. 1.00

02:21:21.000 Now things are happening for them.

02:21:22.000 Well, that's a good support group, you know, when you have a podcast and other people in America are listening.

02:21:27.000 They go, man, I think I could try that, you know? 0.99

02:21:29.000 Yeah, well I get these tweets all the time from people, like they'll see the show that we'll put together on the Ice House or something like that, and they'll be like, fuck, I live in the wrong place! 0.94

02:21:38.000 This is crazy that you guys have these shows there on a regular basis! 0.96

02:21:41.000 I know, right?

02:21:42.000 The other night it was Diaz, Irera, Brian Callan, me, and Duncan.

02:21:49.000 Oh my god. 0.99

02:21:50.000 Fucking tornado hit that place. 1.00

02:21:52.000 It was insane. 0.99

02:21:54.000 Dude, all those guys on their own make me laugh so fucking hard, man. 0.59

02:21:59.000 You know? 0.97

02:22:00.000 Like, Dom, I went on the road with him, and man, I just laughed my ass off the whole time.

02:22:05.000 Yeah.

02:22:06.000 Onstage, offstage, eating, whatever.

02:22:08.000 You know, he's just always great.

02:22:10.000 Like, look at you.

02:22:11.000 You'd be a fun one to be on the road with, Dom.

02:22:13.000 Oh, he's so funny and so cool, and he's been in it for...

02:22:17.000 He worries me with his drinking, though.

02:22:20.000 That's the only thing I worry about Dom, is that he's getting older, and he can't hit it hard every night.

02:22:25.000 Pop a Xanax and keep boozing. 0.98

02:22:27.000 Yeah, that Xanax thing. 0.98

02:22:28.000 When he first came on the podcast, he was all fucked up on Xanax. 0.90

02:22:31.000 He talked about all that. 0.97

02:22:32.000 Well, I think he still takes them every night.

02:22:34.000 He takes one every day.

02:22:36.000 But he likes it.

02:22:38.000 Yep.

02:22:39.000 For whatever reason, you know?

02:22:40.000 I don't know.

02:22:41.000 He's great, man.

02:22:43.000 He's great.

02:22:43.000 You need an addiction?

02:22:44.000 Yeah, I need to go back to cigarettes or something.

02:22:46.000 My addiction is... 1.00

02:22:47.000 What the fuck are you talking about? 1.00

02:22:48.000 Why would you say that? 1.00

02:22:49.000 Mine's comedy.

02:22:50.000 You just quit cigarettes for like four days.

02:22:52.000 That's it.

02:22:53.000 And you're like, I need to go back to cigarettes.

02:22:55.000 As if it was a long time ago.

02:22:56.000 Back in the day.

02:22:58.000 Back when I was working out.

02:22:59.000 You can tell he's going to pop off.

02:23:01.000 Of course he is.

02:23:01.000 You can just tell.

02:23:02.000 Because you're just like...

02:23:04.000 Made a fort out of five coffee stirs.

02:23:07.000 If you stub your toe, you'll use it as an excuse. 1.00

02:23:09.000 Fuck this, I need a cigarette. 1.00

02:23:11.000 Stub my toe. 1.00

02:23:12.000 Oh my god, I scuffed my new sneakers. 1.00

02:23:14.000 This is bullshit. 1.00

02:23:15.000 I need a cigarette. 1.00

02:23:15.000 Oh man. 1.00

02:23:17.000 You just gotta need to...

02:23:18.000 You gotta need... 0.99

02:23:20.000 To escape and you got to be really careful about that because You're doing something that's gonna eventually give you an illness and you know most likely one of those incurable ones like lung cancer and if that happens dude You'll be thinking like Johnny Carson was like Johnny Carson before he died Would just walk around the house with an oxygen mask and go those fucking cigarettes. 0.99

02:23:41.000 Yeah, and that's all he would say those goddamn cigarettes those fucking cigarettes I quit him, man. 0.97

02:23:46.000 It was brutal, but it's like... 1.00

02:23:48.000 I was telling Brian, I saw this guy, he was 30, and he used to hang out at this bar I'd go to all the time.

02:23:54.000 One day he showed up, he goes, yeah, I'm going to be coming here for the rest of my life.

02:23:57.000 And I go, yeah, I know, you're here every day.

02:23:59.000 And he goes, no, I just got six months to live.

02:24:02.000 He got lung cancer, but it was from asbestos or something, but he also smoked.

02:24:06.000 But I saw him whittle away in three months.

02:24:09.000 He looked like Mr. Burns from The Simpsons.

02:24:12.000 He had the oxygen thing, and he came in...

02:24:14.000 And I was like, I'm off these, man. 1.00

02:24:16.000 And I got to fuck off them. 1.00

02:24:18.000 It scared me because he was just, he's 30 and dead. 1.00

02:24:22.000 You know?

02:24:23.000 He's dead now.

02:24:23.000 Oh, he died instantly.

02:24:25.000 And that was like in 90. Lung cancer's not cute.

02:24:29.000 It's gross, man.

02:24:30.000 It's not fun. 0.85

02:24:31.000 I need an addiction.

02:24:34.000 I'm in a pill addiction.

02:24:39.000 Xanax, I just don't get why.

02:24:42.000 Everyone I know is either on Adderall or Xanax.

02:24:45.000 They either have an up or a down.

02:24:46.000 And you talk to these people and they're like, oh no, I only like downers or I only like uppers.

02:24:52.000 Everyone seems like they're on something for one of those two things.

02:24:54.000 Self-medication.

02:24:55.000 People are trying to self-medicate.

02:24:56.000 Yeah, yeah.

02:24:58.000 I'm trying to go the full clean route.

02:25:00.000 My memory is fire right now.

02:25:03.000 I quit caffeine.

02:25:04.000 My memory is incredible.

02:25:06.000 Because you quit caffeine?

02:25:07.000 Yeah, because I was all kind of...

02:25:09.000 I would just drink like 10 coffees a day.

02:25:12.000 Then I'd be on stage and I'd just be like...

02:25:15.000 Word, man.

02:25:16.000 Like, sometimes I get a twitch up here, too much caffeine.

02:25:19.000 You ever get that?

02:25:19.000 It's twitching here while you're on stage?

02:25:21.000 Is that what that's from?

02:25:23.000 It's also from caffeine or sleep dipper face. 0.97

02:25:25.000 Man, I'd get this twitch, and it wouldn't stop, and I'd be like, God damn it, my eye. 0.92

02:25:29.000 I love how you guys are doctors. 0.98

02:25:30.000 You're self-diagnosing.

02:25:31.000 I'm getting canker sores from Mentos, and this guy's getting twitches from coffee.

02:25:36.000 Oh, for sure.

02:25:37.000 Definitely from the coffee.

02:25:38.000 Oh, for sure. 1.00

02:25:39.000 Not from all the coke you did throughout the fucking 25 years you were stuffing it through your fucking nose cavity. 1.00

02:25:45.000 Oh man, I've had some close calls on coke. 1.00

02:25:48.000 Fuck. 1.00

02:25:49.000 Really? 1.00

02:25:49.000 Heart attack calls? 1.00

02:25:50.000 I had the numb arm, you know.

02:25:53.000 The numb arm?

02:25:53.000 Yeah, Marin had a numb arm too.

02:25:55.000 He did a bit about it, but I was in Laurel Canyon.

02:25:59.000 I remember there was just the first time I ever really saw a pyramid of coke.

02:26:03.000 Like, people tried to do that because of Scarface.

02:26:05.000 Right.

02:26:06.000 You go to parties and they go, they had a Pyramid of Coke.

02:26:08.000 Wow.

02:26:09.000 So you went to...

02:26:10.000 How many people are stealing it?

02:26:11.000 Like, putting it in a little vial?

02:26:12.000 Yeah, that's what I... That's what you think, right?

02:26:15.000 But, like, the people that are there, they're just like, yeah, there's plenty of Coke, you know?

02:26:20.000 How much does something like that cost?

02:26:21.000 Like, a pyramid of Coke?

02:26:22.000 That would probably be a key of Coke, you know?

02:26:24.000 It's like a brick.

02:26:26.000 How much does a key cost?

02:26:26.000 I don't know.

02:26:27.000 Back then, that's big money.

02:26:29.000 Like, back then, an eight ball was $3.50, three and a half grams.

02:26:34.000 Okay, well, look, just give me a guesstimate.

02:26:36.000 Let's say $5,000, $10,000. 0.99

02:26:39.000 Well, you think about the amount of money that some people spend on parties just for catering and shit. 0.99

02:26:43.000 Yeah, right. 1.00

02:26:44.000 Having a band play and fucking ice sculpture. 0.99

02:26:47.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:26:47.000 Why not have a big, giant brick of Coke? 0.99

02:26:49.000 Yeah, absolutely.

02:26:50.000 And it looked pretty impressive when you come in and you go, well, that's an actual pyramid of Coke.

02:26:56.000 But if you got busted, if the cops came, they'd probably bust you for distribution.

02:26:59.000 Oh, that's prison there.

02:27:00.000 That's a Kia blow. 0.83

02:27:02.000 You gotta go, we're having a party.

02:27:05.000 What kind of party?

02:27:07.000 Aerosmith party. 1.00

02:27:09.000 It's a Joe Walsh party, bitch. 1.00

02:27:10.000 Get out of here. 1.00

02:27:11.000 I went over and I just kind of scooped a pile off of it.

02:27:15.000 Oh my God.

02:27:16.000 Like, you know, you can't tell.

02:27:17.000 You're not looking.

02:27:18.000 This looks good here.

02:27:20.000 And I blasted it up.

02:27:21.000 And I swear to God, about a minute later, I was like, oh.

02:27:25.000 My arm was totally numb. 1.00

02:27:28.000 And I was like, oh, fuck. 1.00

02:27:31.000 And it was problems, you know? 1.00

02:27:33.000 So do you think that it was...

02:27:35.000 No, it was just clean, super coke, you know?

02:27:39.000 You know, like real coke.

02:27:41.000 You're not used to doing some super good coke.

02:27:44.000 And I go up to the guy and go, hey, dude, you gotta call an ambulance.

02:27:48.000 And he's like, no way, man.

02:27:52.000 That'll attract heat.

02:27:53.000 You gotta ride it out, dude.

02:27:55.000 You gotta ride it out!

02:27:56.000 And that's the same thing Maren was talking about when he ate too much Chinese food.

02:27:59.000 Ride it out, you know?

02:28:00.000 And you're like, dude.

02:28:01.000 He ate too much what?

02:28:02.000 He ate too much Chinese food once.

02:28:05.000 Just like tons.

02:28:06.000 And like, I guess from the salt. 1.00

02:28:08.000 Tons of salt and shit. 1.00

02:28:09.000 Oh, that's so weak. 1.00

02:28:10.000 You're talking about doing coke and almost dying.

02:28:12.000 And he's like, yeah, I ate too much egg food young.

02:28:14.000 I almost died.

02:28:15.000 Same thing, man.

02:28:16.000 Totally same thing. 0.99

02:28:17.000 No, like, if you eat shitloads of, like, salt in your body, or too much, like, I've had too much sugar and my fucking foot starts tingling. 0.81

02:28:26.000 That ever happen to you? 0.76

02:28:27.000 How do you guys know what is causing all these issues?

02:28:30.000 Yeah, it was the ice cream sundae.

02:28:32.000 It's like gummy bears.

02:28:34.000 I hang with Ari Shaffir and we'll eat, like, bags of candy.

02:28:37.000 I go, hey dude, that was too much.

02:28:39.000 Dude, your body is held together with those gummy bears.

02:28:41.000 Those gummy bears are the glue that keeps your organs functioning.

02:28:46.000 That's the connections between the neurons and the tissue.

02:28:49.000 Yeah, right?

02:28:49.000 That's like Lemmy.

02:28:51.000 They told him, don't stop partying because you will die.

02:28:53.000 Did they really tell him that?

02:28:55.000 On that Lemmy documentary, they're like, well, your body's immune to it now.

02:28:59.000 It'd probably go in shock if you didn't have it.

02:29:01.000 Whoa.

02:29:02.000 That's pretty wise.

02:29:03.000 Does he drink that much?

02:29:04.000 With drinks and does a little powders, I believe.

02:29:08.000 How old is Lemmy?

02:29:09.000 I don't know.

02:29:09.000 He's like 70 or something.

02:29:11.000 Can you look that up, Lemmy?

02:29:12.000 He was sick last year.

02:29:14.000 Pretty bad, man.

02:29:15.000 From what?

02:29:15.000 I guess just running your body forever.

02:29:20.000 That's not what he looks like now, though.

02:29:21.000 Nah, he's 69. He's 69. Let's find a recent image of Lemmy.

02:29:26.000 He's like right, I would say, right there, the hat one?

02:29:30.000 With the glasses?

02:29:32.000 That's him right there.

02:29:33.000 That's him there.

02:29:34.000 Well, that one right there.

02:29:35.000 Yeah, there you go.

02:29:36.000 The last one.

02:29:37.000 Look at the warts on his face.

02:29:39.000 Why would you get those removed?

02:29:40.000 Because he's Lemmy from Motorhead. 0.99

02:29:41.000 He doesn't give a fuck. 0.99

02:29:42.000 He's great. 1.00

02:29:43.000 They'll fuck him even with these giant gross things growing out of his face. 1.00

02:29:46.000 I love that guy. 1.00

02:29:47.000 Like, watch the documentary, Lemmy.

02:29:50.000 It's great.

02:29:52.000 See, there he is.

02:29:53.000 There he is with his collection.

02:29:54.000 He's got all those war swords and stuff in his house.

02:29:57.000 Where does he live?

02:29:58.000 He lives by the rainbow.

02:30:00.000 In the same apartment he's had for like 30 years.

02:30:03.000 Really?

02:30:04.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:30:05.000 Wow, what a madman. 0.98

02:30:06.000 I love it, right? 0.98

02:30:07.000 Just rocker.

02:30:08.000 And he still just hits the road and gets crazy?

02:30:10.000 Oh yeah, they just put a new record coming out, man.

02:30:11.000 Does he have any kids?

02:30:13.000 I don't know.

02:30:14.000 I don't think so.

02:30:17.000 Yeah, he's got two children.

02:30:19.000 He was Hendrix Roadie.

02:30:21.000 Jesus Christ.

02:30:23.000 Isn't that crazy?

02:30:24.000 That's wild. 1.00

02:30:24.000 What a maniac. 1.00

02:30:26.000 Played in a band called Hawkwind in the 60s. 0.95

02:30:31.000 It says, Lemmy has lost a lot of weight.

02:30:33.000 Metal injection.

02:30:34.000 Click on that.

02:30:35.000 Health scare.

02:30:36.000 What was his health scare?

02:30:37.000 He got sick.

02:30:38.000 Something was wrong, man.

02:30:39.000 That's the picture right there.

02:30:40.000 Lemmy's looking out. 0.99

02:30:43.000 He looks skinny as fuck. 0.99

02:30:45.000 Who's that guy on the left? 1.00

02:30:47.000 Who?

02:30:48.000 Chris Jericho.

02:30:49.000 Yeah, he's a wrestler.

02:30:50.000 Yeah.

02:30:52.000 How dare you.

02:30:54.000 He's a singer in a band.

02:30:55.000 There he is, man.

02:30:56.000 Lemmy's great.

02:30:58.000 69 years old, still parties hard.

02:31:00.000 Yeah. 0.87

02:31:01.000 Animal. 1.00

02:31:01.000 How much pussy do you think he gets? 1.00

02:31:02.000 Even at 69. Oh, tons. 1.00

02:31:05.000 That rainbow pussy, though. 1.00

02:31:07.000 If you're in a rock... 1.00

02:31:08.000 Listen to Brian.

02:31:10.000 Listen to Brian. 0.98

02:31:11.000 It's the same porn girls who are at the rainbow that are on his periscope. 0.97

02:31:17.000 Wow. 0.97

02:31:17.000 How dare you insult him like that while on the podcast? 0.97

02:31:21.000 You rude man, you. 0.60

02:31:23.000 I was at this girl's house the other day, and some 65-year-old guy is just sitting on the couch, and I'm like, why is that guy... 0.59

02:31:30.000 I'm leaving.

02:31:31.000 What is this place?

02:31:33.000 You went over to her house and there was a guy just sitting on the couch?

02:31:36.000 Yeah, she's invited me back to her house with this girl.

02:31:38.000 I'm hanging out with these two girls, periscoping, and then I'm like, wait a second, there's a 65-year-old man creepily watching me in the corner.

02:31:45.000 Is that the one that threw up?

02:31:45.000 Who was he?

02:31:46.000 I don't know.

02:31:47.000 He's just some doctor that wanted to watch me play with these two girls.

02:31:51.000 What?

02:31:51.000 One threw up on you?

02:31:52.000 Hold on.

02:31:53.000 Wait a minute.

02:31:54.000 Hold on.

02:31:54.000 Jesus Christ.

02:31:55.000 A doctor wanted you to play with these two girls? 1.00

02:31:58.000 No, no.

02:31:59.000 He just wanted to watch us play together.

02:32:00.000 All three of us just hanging out.

02:32:02.000 So you and the two girls and the guy was just whacking off in the corner?

02:32:06.000 No, he wasn't whacking off.

02:32:07.000 He was just hanging out there just doing this weird smile.

02:32:10.000 Did you talk to him at all?

02:32:11.000 I tried to, but he was weird, so I was just like, whatever.

02:32:14.000 These two girls are drunk right here, so I'll just hang out with them. 1.00

02:32:18.000 So we were periscoping.

02:32:20.000 Was it his house?

02:32:21.000 I'm starting to think it was.

02:32:24.000 Whoa.

02:32:25.000 Could you imagine if you get to that point where you're so desperado as a sugar daddy that you tell girls, look, I don't even care if you bring guys back.

02:32:33.000 You live here.

02:32:35.000 I think that's what it was.

02:32:36.000 You bring guys back.

02:32:37.000 You do whatever you want.

02:32:38.000 Just let me hang out. 1.00

02:32:39.000 Just let me jerk off in your mouth every couple of days. 1.00

02:32:43.000 Yeah, I ran out. 1.00

02:32:44.000 That is awesome.

02:32:47.000 People have to do what they have to do to get by in this world, man. 0.91

02:32:50.000 People have to fucking survive. 0.99

02:32:51.000 If you're living on the streets in Bangladesh, you've got to walk barefoot and carry a basket on your head. 1.00

02:32:55.000 If you're a 65-year-old dude and you've got a house in the Hollywood Hills and you want to get laid and you're not famous, what do you do? 1.00

02:33:01.000 You're not Lemmy from Motorhead, bitch. 1.00

02:33:02.000 You've got to let these girls live in your house and bring home dudes. 1.00

02:33:05.000 You've got to do it.

02:33:06.000 You're like, we can't stay.

02:33:08.000 We need to bring home guys.

02:33:09.000 Bring them here.

02:33:12.000 Don't disturb me when I'm beaten off.

02:33:13.000 Yeah, yeah.

02:33:14.000 I mean, that's basically the whole recipe of the Playboy Mansion.

02:33:19.000 In a lot of ways, yeah.

02:33:21.000 Well, there was a house that I looked at.

02:33:22.000 There was one point in time where I was thinking, I should probably live in the Hollywood Hills.

02:33:26.000 It'd be easier to get to the store.

02:33:27.000 I'd get home quicker.

02:33:28.000 I'd get more work done.

02:33:29.000 I'd be like, I could live anywhere.

02:33:31.000 I thought about it for a very short period of time, like maybe a couple weeks.

02:33:34.000 And I looked at this one house, and the house that I looked at was really cool.

02:33:38.000 And this guy had this glass back window.

02:33:41.000 Like, his entire back of his house was glass.

02:33:43.000 And he was a guy that invented bell-bottoms, allegedly.

02:33:47.000 This was the story behind this guy.

02:33:49.000 And they used to call him Wild Man.

02:33:51.000 This guy used to show up at Eddie Bravo was a DJ at a strip club. 0.99

02:33:55.000 And Eddie used to work at a strip club, and this guy was rich as fuck. 0.99

02:33:59.000 And he would come in, and he would pay like a shitload of money. 0.99

02:34:03.000 To get these girls to come back to his place. 0.87

02:34:05.000 He would go to strip clubs all throughout the valley.

02:34:07.000 Go everywhere he wanted.

02:34:08.000 He had like a whole place that he would go during the day.

02:34:10.000 And he would get these girls.

02:34:12.000 And the story was that this guy was a straight-laced guy who smoked a lot of cigarettes.

02:34:17.000 And he went to the doctor.

02:34:19.000 And the doctor said, listen, man, you're going to die.

02:34:21.000 You've got to stop smoking cigarettes.

02:34:22.000 You're going to die.

02:34:23.000 Look, if you need to smoke, smoke weed. 0.99

02:34:25.000 Okay?

02:34:26.000 Smoke pot.

02:34:26.000 It doesn't give you cancer.

02:34:27.000 So this guy starts smoking pot.

02:34:30.000 Joints all day long.

02:34:31.000 Changes his life.

02:34:33.000 Decides, you know what, man?

02:34:33.000 I don't want to work anymore.

02:34:34.000 I have money.

02:34:35.000 You know what I'm going to do? 0.99

02:34:36.000 I'm going to just play guitar and I'm going to get hookers. 1.00

02:34:39.000 So this is what the guy decided to do. 1.00

02:34:41.000 Just play guitar and get hookers. 1.00

02:34:42.000 But apparently he was really mean to them. 0.99

02:34:44.000 Which is sort of the opposite of what you expect from potheads, right?

02:34:48.000 Yeah, bell bottom creator.

02:34:49.000 Expect gentle and apparently he used to call it like boot camping them.

02:34:54.000 He would boot camp these girls. 1.00

02:34:55.000 He would treat them like shit. 1.00

02:34:56.000 He would pay them a lot of money. 1.00

02:34:58.000 He would treat them like shit and he got off on the fact that he was this gross old guy and he would get these hot young girls and he would do mean stuff to them. 1.00

02:35:05.000 Well, this guy was selling his house. 1.00

02:35:08.000 So I went to look at the house, and I remember looking around, and I was thinking, wow, this house is, like, really expensive, and it's right there on the street. 0.68

02:35:15.000 And then I remember thinking, like, this guy's, like, been bringing these hookers back to this place. 0.99

02:35:20.000 So it's like, a lot of people are probably going to think that this guy is, you know, an asshole, and they're going to rob him or something. 0.99

02:35:26.000 Like, what if I buy it, and they go looking for wild man? 0.99

02:35:28.000 I'm like, yo, I live here now. 0.99

02:35:30.000 Don't fucking... 0.99

02:35:31.000 Two weeks after I thought that, he was killed in that house. 1.00

02:35:34.000 Whoa! 1.00

02:35:35.000 He brought a girl home, and apparently the girl brought guys with her, and they fucking shot him in the neck. 1.00

02:35:41.000 Whoa, boogie night style. 0.99

02:35:43.000 Yeah, shot him in the neck, and he bled out right in the front where I was walking around, looking around. 1.00

02:35:48.000 Right when I was looking around his house going, this fucking guy could get shot in this place. 1.00

02:35:52.000 Wow! 1.00

02:35:53.000 It was funny because I brought that up and the guy was selling the house, the real estate guy goes, don't worry, there's a state-of-the-art security system, cameras everywhere.

02:36:01.000 And I go, you know what those cameras are going to show?

02:36:03.000 They're going to show a dude in a ski mask shooting somebody.

02:36:05.000 Good luck trying to figure that out. 1.00

02:36:07.000 What the fuck are you talking about? 1.00

02:36:08.000 When I said that to the guy, the guy was like, you know, the salesman, like you trying to sell motorcycles, he's trying to sell this fucking badass Hollywood Hills house. 1.00

02:36:17.000 But... 1.00

02:36:18.000 I bet they just fucking sucked that blood out with a vacuum, cleaned it up nice, and sold that bitch within a week. 1.00

02:36:23.000 Those houses, they go like that up there. 1.00

02:36:26.000 That's some Don Simpson shit. 0.99

02:36:28.000 You ever read that book, High Concept? 0.99

02:36:29.000 No.

02:36:30.000 He was the producer that did all the blockbusters.

02:36:32.000 He invented the blockbuster right after Jaws, so Top Gun.

02:36:37.000 What's the race one?

02:36:38.000 Days of Thunder.

02:36:39.000 Days of Thunder. 1.00

02:36:40.000 He was a lunatic. 0.99

02:36:41.000 He'd get streetwalkers, bring them up to his mansion. 1.00

02:36:44.000 They had a fucking, like a 20-foot fence all the way around, and then he'd be like, you're going to eat poo and shit like that. 0.99

02:36:51.000 I like this guy. 1.00

02:36:53.000 He just whiffed coke and fucking went nuts. 1.00

02:36:57.000 High concept. 1.00

02:36:57.000 Read the book. 1.00

02:36:58.000 It's awesome.

02:36:59.000 This is something hilarious about a guy on coke saying you're gonna eat poo.

02:37:02.000 Yeah!

02:37:03.000 It's like that language.

02:37:04.000 It's like for five-year-olds.

02:37:06.000 That book is crazy.

02:37:09.000 Hollywood weirdos back then. 1.00

02:37:11.000 That's so fucked. 1.00

02:37:12.000 That thing that men want to hire women to get them to do degrading shit. 1.00

02:37:17.000 That's so bizarre. 1.00

02:37:18.000 By the way, this is coming from the host of Fear Factor.

02:37:20.000 Take everything I say with a grain of salt.

02:37:23.000 But the idea that that's what they get off on.

02:37:26.000 They get off on taking someone who desperately needs the money, bringing them to their own house where they live and sleep.

02:37:32.000 You're haunting that place with the memories of you boot camping.

02:37:36.000 Boot camping.

02:37:37.000 Yeah, that's what he used to do.

02:37:38.000 What a word!

02:37:39.000 That was his expression.

02:37:41.000 He smoked a lot of cigarettes during his life, so he had that raspy cigarette voice, and like, yeah, boot camp him.

02:37:47.000 I remember when I met the guy, I felt really creeped out by him. 1.00

02:37:50.000 Like, I wouldn't want to buy a house from an asshole, you know? 1.00

02:37:54.000 Just that alone, I wouldn't want, I'm just not interested in buying some asshole's house. 1.00

02:37:59.000 Because I think the asshole vibe would stay. 1.00

02:38:01.000 Asshole spirit. 1.00

02:38:02.000 Yeah, it would stay in the house, man. 1.00

02:38:04.000 There's some creepy shit in the Hollywood Hills that has gone down over the last hundred years, and it's just kind of like, there's ghosts up there, man. 1.00

02:38:12.000 Well, if you didn't know that the guy was an asshole, that'd be one thing. 1.00

02:38:16.000 And you took it over, and you're like, I'll turn it into my house. 1.00

02:38:18.000 I'll have a nice party with my friends over.

02:38:19.000 This is my house now.

02:38:21.000 Hey, house, I'll just let you know, no more bootcamping.

02:38:24.000 We're going to be nice to you.

02:38:26.000 This house is going to be barbecues and hugs and good times.

02:38:32.000 No more boot camping. 0.99

02:38:34.000 We'll fucking swim together. 0.97

02:38:35.000 Everyone's going to be nice here. 0.99

02:38:37.000 No boot camping.

02:38:38.000 No more boot camping, man.

02:38:40.000 I love this. 1.00

02:38:41.000 But if you know that it was an asshole's house, it's tough to do. 1.00

02:38:46.000 It's tough to buy. 1.00

02:38:47.000 You'd have other choices, you know?

02:38:48.000 I wouldn't want to buy someone's.

02:38:49.000 It's kind of like Joey Diaz's bathroom. 0.99

02:38:51.000 You know, that's the most hauntedest fucked up place in the world. 0.99

02:38:54.000 Imagine living in his place after. 1.00

02:38:55.000 I would buy Joey Diaz's house in a heartbeat.

02:38:58.000 Joey Diaz had a house and it was for sale.

02:38:59.000 I'd probably buy it just to make sure nobody else had it.

02:39:01.000 Yeah, my buddies moved into Joey Diaz's apartment building over there.

02:39:06.000 Oh, that place?

02:39:06.000 Yeah, yeah.

02:39:07.000 Oh, no!

02:39:08.000 That's the worst place. 0.97

02:39:10.000 That place is crazy. 0.95

02:39:11.000 It's crazy, right?

02:39:12.000 I was there during the day when Ralphie lived across the hall from Doug Stanhope, who lived right down the street from Joey, and Joey was staying with Gavin.

02:39:22.000 Oh, my God.

02:39:23.000 It was chaos.

02:39:24.000 Comedy corner.

02:39:25.000 That was a crazy comedy squat house.

02:39:29.000 Yeah.

02:39:30.000 They're in there now.

02:39:31.000 Luke is the bartender at the store.

02:39:33.000 Luke lives there?

02:39:34.000 Yeah, Luke lives, yeah.

02:39:35.000 Oh, that's hilarious.

02:39:36.000 Yeah, and then my other buddy Steve Henry, he moved in, so it's like comedy.

02:39:40.000 It's across the street from the gay MCA, right?

02:39:41.000 That's right, yeah, yeah.

02:39:42.000 How much does it cost to even rent that place?

02:39:44.000 $9.50.

02:39:45.000 It's good for the size.

02:39:46.000 For one better.

02:39:47.000 Yeah, it's like a massive studio with a separate kitchen and everything, but you got a garage and stuff. 0.61

02:39:53.000 Hey, for Hollywood, that's pretty goddamn good. 0.69

02:39:54.000 It is, man.

02:39:55.000 You know, if one of those places would be a good idea to do a podcast studio, too.

02:39:59.000 You're so right.

02:40:00.000 Think about how much you have to pay at the Ice House.

02:40:02.000 You could get an actual studio apartment.

02:40:05.000 Totally.

02:40:05.000 Where's your studio?

02:40:06.000 My studio's in a studio.

02:40:07.000 Yeah, me and a couple of comics were actually thinking about, they're building condos across the street eventually, they're tearing down that House of Blues, just all chipping in.

02:40:16.000 What?

02:40:16.000 Yeah, that's going down.

02:40:17.000 I think three more months, it's close, right?

02:40:19.000 Yeah, three more months.

02:40:20.000 And so they're building condos there, so me and a few comics were like, we should just rent, all chip in, like $300 a month or whatever, and rent a place we could always just crash there if we want to.

02:40:30.000 Yeah, instead of Uber. 0.99

02:40:31.000 One of those losers is going to wind up living there and fuck it up. 1.00

02:40:34.000 Yeah, true. 1.00

02:40:35.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:40:35.000 Getting high on some fucked up drugs. 0.99

02:40:38.000 Boot camping. 1.00

02:40:41.000 Oh my god!

02:40:43.000 Boot camp!

02:40:44.000 Oh my god, dude.

02:40:46.000 I'm never gonna forget that term.

02:40:47.000 You'll never forget it.

02:40:48.000 My friend Larry, who used to live in the Hollywood Hills, had the most amazing view I've ever seen in my life up there.

02:40:54.000 To this day, I've seen some dope views of nature.

02:40:57.000 Like, nature views are my favorite views, but nature views don't work at night.

02:41:01.000 At night, you just see dark mountains.

02:41:03.000 But Larry had a place at the top of Doheny.

02:41:07.000 And the view was like Blade Runner.

02:41:10.000 It was like, it didn't seem real.

02:41:12.000 You would look out, you're like, I didn't know anybody got to see this.

02:41:14.000 The view of all those lights from a certain height.

02:41:19.000 You don't want to be too high up.

02:41:21.000 You see it from an airplane, it looks pretty dope.

02:41:23.000 But there's something about being at the top of that Doheny area where you get this grid effect where this amazing light show at night.

02:41:31.000 We would go out to his place.

02:41:33.000 I would bring people by his house just to look at the view at night.

02:41:35.000 I'm like, you just got to see this.

02:41:36.000 Wow.

02:41:37.000 Especially on a clear night, like after it rained.

02:41:39.000 Oh my god.

02:41:40.000 It was amazing. 1.00

02:41:41.000 Pauly Shore's house would fuck you up. 0.99

02:41:43.000 Same thing? 1.00

02:41:44.000 Same kind of thing?

02:41:45.000 He's right at the top of Runyon.

02:41:48.000 360. 360. You got Century City.

02:41:53.000 You got The Grove.

02:41:55.000 Then over here you have Downtown.

02:41:57.000 Then behind him, he has all the hills like Runyon and everything.

02:42:00.000 It's just with this spill-off infinity pool and stuff.

02:42:04.000 Well, that would be one of those houses, though, where you'd wonder about the bootcamping.

02:42:07.000 Oh, yeah.

02:42:08.000 You'd be wandering around going, this house might be haunted.

02:42:11.000 Hey, buddy! 1.00

02:42:13.000 You'd have to bring in some vegans to have a fucking... 1.00

02:42:15.000 Vegan seance? 1.00

02:42:16.000 Yeah, you'd have to have some sort of a yogi. 0.99

02:42:19.000 And that's not an infinity pool, that's a hooker bath. 0.99

02:42:22.000 It drains just pubic hair and condoms. 1.00

02:42:26.000 It was an amazing pad.

02:42:27.000 He said he bought it from the MTV money in the 80s and he still owns it, man.

02:42:32.000 Does he rent it out now?

02:42:33.000 Yeah, he just rents it out.

02:42:34.000 That's a good move.

02:42:36.000 Real estate in the Hollywood Hills is a great investment.

02:42:38.000 That's smart.

02:42:39.000 Well, Paulie's been smart with his money like that.

02:42:41.000 He really has.

02:42:41.000 That's a smart move.

02:42:42.000 He owns that place above, well, he sold it to Scott, right?

02:42:45.000 Yeah, yeah, right.

02:42:45.000 The one right behind it, the house behind it.

02:42:47.000 That's a great spot.

02:42:49.000 That's a great spot.

02:42:49.000 If someone had that spot, the place that's right at the top of that little hill.

02:42:53.000 It's dangerous.

02:42:53.000 He asked me to run it for a while.

02:42:56.000 Run that house?

02:42:57.000 He's like, you live and pick the good room and then pick like four guys that you want to live with and you can, you know.

02:43:03.000 It's a great idea.

02:43:04.000 A comedy house like they used to have on Cresthill.

02:43:06.000 Totally.

02:43:06.000 Yeah, exactly.

02:43:07.000 But my only worry was the comics moving out every couple months.

02:43:12.000 Like, I can't make rent.

02:43:13.000 And then all of a sudden you're this landlord instead of just a roommate.

02:43:17.000 Sounds like work.

02:43:18.000 Yeah, you've got to collect money, chase people down.

02:43:21.000 Whenever you're dealing with broke dudes, it's always a disaster.

02:43:24.000 It's brutal, man.

02:43:24.000 Which is exactly what you would deal with if you've got to...

02:43:27.000 You would wind up having your name on the condo because you're the older guy.

02:43:31.000 They'd be like, well, just we'll pay you.

02:43:32.000 And then, hey, man, you can just sell my part out to someone else.

02:43:35.000 Like, what? 1.00

02:43:35.000 The fuck? 1.00

02:43:36.000 Nobody wants it. 1.00

02:43:37.000 Yeah, I know. 1.00

02:43:37.000 Fuck you. 1.00

02:43:37.000 And then how about this? 1.00

02:43:38.000 You got rent. 0.99

02:43:39.000 Why are you being a dick, man? 0.99

02:43:40.000 I thought we were bros. 1.00

02:43:41.000 Like, dude, it's rent.

02:43:43.000 That's the best.

02:43:44.000 That's the best.

02:43:45.000 Come on, man.

02:43:45.000 You got money.

02:43:46.000 You owe money.

02:43:48.000 That's not what's going on here. 1.00

02:43:49.000 Don't get mad at me, you fuck. 1.00

02:43:50.000 It's crazy, man. 1.00

02:43:52.000 That's the worst.

02:43:53.000 The worst is when broke people that owe money turn it around and get upset at you.

02:43:58.000 Yeah.

02:43:59.000 How about what, you know, dude, we're living here.

02:44:03.000 Yeah.

02:44:04.000 Now I have to pay your part.

02:44:06.000 Some people just always look for some sort of an excuse to not have to contribute.

02:44:11.000 And when you're dealing with starving, struggling artists, it's the same sort of mentality that makes people flick cigarettes out the window.

02:44:17.000 It's not thinking about anybody but themselves.

02:44:19.000 Yeah, exactly.

02:44:20.000 Exactly.

02:44:21.000 That's a cigarette thing, too, man.

02:44:22.000 There's something about poisoning your body with cigarettes.

02:44:25.000 I've always wondered, like, I was hanging out with a telly the other day.

02:44:28.000 I didn't bring it up because I love him, but he just smoked a cigarette, dropped on the ground, stepped on it, left it there.

02:44:32.000 And I was like, dude, you know that's littering.

02:44:34.000 Would you do that with a wrapper?

02:44:36.000 Would you do that with a can?

02:44:38.000 I was glamorized growing up with James Dean stepping on the cigarette or flicking it.

02:44:43.000 It used to always be a thing that even cops would do.

02:44:47.000 It never was considered a litter.

02:44:49.000 And you say something in the end like, and then we went to boot camp.

02:44:52.000 And you throw it down.

02:44:54.000 And I boot camped it.

02:44:58.000 You want five grand? 0.99

02:45:00.000 You're gonna fucking earn it. 1.00

02:45:03.000 Get in the house and put on the gloves. 1.00

02:45:05.000 Put on the waiters.

02:45:06.000 My favorite deal is as they're driving this Prius, oh, I'm saving the environment. 1.00

02:45:11.000 They flick a cigarette out of their fucking Prius. 0.99

02:45:15.000 Dude, I've had a running tally on this show about people in Priuses that I've seen throw cigarettes out the window. 1.00

02:45:20.000 It's up to eight.

02:45:21.000 It's unbelievable!

02:45:23.000 Eight people in a Prius throw a cigarette out the window.

02:45:25.000 Yeah, it's like, don't tell me you're driving that Prius for the environment. 1.00

02:45:28.000 You're a fucking liar. 1.00

02:45:29.000 Well, they're doing it to save some money. 1.00

02:45:30.000 Priuses are cheap.

02:45:31.000 It's cheap on gas.

02:45:32.000 You could drive one of those things.

02:45:34.000 Daniel Cormier, the UFC light heavyweight champ, he has one, and he said it costs like, you know, 30 bucks to fill up, and it lasts a month.

02:45:42.000 Yeah, I went to San Fran with another comic in it, and we put like $26 in it, and we were there.

02:45:48.000 I was like, are you kidding?

02:45:49.000 Like, my motorcycle I stopped three times. 0.99

02:45:52.000 They're great on gas, but they're dogshit cars. 0.99

02:45:55.000 Oh, they're just... 1.00

02:45:56.000 Uber's killed it for me, man.

02:45:57.000 I've been in so many Priuses lately.

02:46:01.000 Every Uber driver has one.

02:46:03.000 Prius is the track home of cars.

02:46:05.000 That's what it is.

02:46:06.000 It's a track home.

02:46:07.000 They all look the same.

02:46:09.000 You just go in and you go, where's mine? 1.00

02:46:11.000 You ever leave the arc light and you go, look at the fucking Priuses in here. 1.00

02:46:15.000 How do you find yours? 0.99

02:46:15.000 It gets you where you want to go. 0.99

02:46:16.000 Yeah, that's all it is.

02:46:17.000 It's a tool.

02:46:18.000 If everybody had one of those, it wouldn't be so dangerous.

02:46:20.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:46:20.000 But the problem is other people have fucking trucks, you know, and semis and shit. 1.00

02:46:25.000 And you have a Prius. 1.00

02:46:26.000 If you're a Prius, you get hit by a semi.

02:46:28.000 Yeah.

02:46:30.000 Christ.

02:46:30.000 After I got rear-ended, man, I started really reconsidering the type of automobile I drive.

02:46:34.000 I'm like, this...

02:46:35.000 You know, the Porsche took the hit pretty good because it's designed German engineering and has a crash beam in the back that absorbs the impact, but I didn't get hit that hard either, you know? 1.00

02:46:45.000 I mean, you think about all these fucking idiots out there, like... 1.00

02:46:48.000 I told you about Van Owen Street and these caved-in cars from assholes that are just texting or sleeping or whatever the fuck they're doing. 1.00

02:46:55.000 That's the problem with driving is the other people. 1.00

02:46:57.000 Yeah.

02:46:58.000 You're dealing with so many variables.

02:47:00.000 It's insane out there.

02:47:01.000 None of them have insurance either.

02:47:02.000 Half these people on our roads don't even have licenses, insurance, whatever.

02:47:06.000 Yeah.

02:47:06.000 It's brutal out there, man.

02:47:08.000 I'm on a motorcycle and I just laugh.

02:47:10.000 Like, I'll look right at a guy, Joe.

02:47:14.000 I'm riding.

02:47:15.000 The guy will look at me.

02:47:16.000 He'll look like this.

02:47:18.000 He sees me, puts his blinker on, and just starts coming over. 0.99

02:47:21.000 He doesn't give a fuck. 0.99

02:47:23.000 He knows you're gonna move. 0.99

02:47:24.000 So I start honking like, hey man, I'm right here, hey!

02:47:27.000 And then, now he won't look.

02:47:29.000 Like, oh, I don't hear you!

02:47:30.000 I'm coming over here, I need this lane!

02:47:33.000 And they just...

02:47:34.000 Well, they know that they can bully you.

02:47:36.000 That's it.

02:47:36.000 They can push you over.

02:47:37.000 Did you see that video of the guy in the BMW? And there's a guy in a motorcycle that has a GoPro on his helmet.

02:47:42.000 Oh, that's unbelievable.

02:47:44.000 I can't believe it. 1.00

02:47:44.000 He goes, get off the fucking phone. 1.00

02:47:45.000 Stay off the phone. 1.00

02:47:46.000 You're driving.

02:47:46.000 So then the guy runs him off the road.

02:47:48.000 Yeah, he hits him.

02:47:49.000 Hits him on purpose.

02:47:50.000 There's a video of the kid looking to his left, looking to his left, and boom, he gets hit.

02:47:54.000 And you just hear him go, oh!

02:47:58.000 Oh, and this guy picks him up.

02:47:59.000 He's like, 911, I've been hit. 1.00

02:48:02.000 They should find whoever has that fucking BMW and beat the fucking holy shit out of them. 1.00

02:48:07.000 I fucking believe in that big deal, man. 1.00

02:48:09.000 What a cunt. 1.00

02:48:10.000 What a piece of shit. 1.00

02:48:11.000 That's a human on a vehicle. 1.00

02:48:13.000 Easily could have been paralyzed.

02:48:15.000 Easily could have been said.

02:48:16.000 Easily could have been run over in the other direction.

02:48:18.000 He could have kids. 1.00

02:48:19.000 You know, he loses his job, he's got broke legs now, and he loses his house and everything from this fucking dick that's like, I gotta get to my job, fuck you. 1.00

02:48:27.000 Well, that wasn't what he was doing on purpose. 1.00

02:48:29.000 Yeah, he did it on purpose.

02:48:30.000 He did it because that guy had said to him, get off your phone.

02:48:33.000 First he honks at him.

02:48:34.000 He goes, hey, get off your phone!

02:48:36.000 And then he pulls up.

02:48:37.000 And then the guy's like, honk!

02:48:38.000 And he turns, he looks.

02:48:40.000 Then he starts riding left.

02:48:41.000 It looks like he's on to, like, Santa Monica off of Liberia there.

02:48:46.000 And then, boom, the car hits him.

02:48:49.000 Yeah, most likely the kid did not have his...

02:48:51.000 Alright, here it is.

02:48:53.000 We'll end this. 0.99

02:48:55.000 It doesn't have the fucking plate, so he really doesn't know. 0.99

02:48:58.000 I know. 0.99

02:48:59.000 It has to be a traffic camera or something.

02:49:01.000 Yeah, well, one would hope so, but a traffic camera is probably most likely not going to get the... 0.98

02:49:06.000 This isn't, like, serious fucking... 0.92

02:49:08.000 That's on La Brea there, you know? 0.98

02:49:10.000 By Alan Nates.

02:49:12.000 So this kid keeps looking back, because apparently he's, like, right on him.

02:49:18.000 Right there.

02:49:19.000 Right in front of Koi. 0.90

02:49:22.000 Jesus Christ.

02:49:23.000 Look at this man.

02:49:24.000 He just cut him off.

02:49:26.000 He just got in front of him.

02:49:29.000 Wow.

02:49:30.000 This guy helps him up.

02:49:32.000 You shouldn't help a guy out when he gets hit like that.

02:49:35.000 I know. 0.99

02:49:35.000 He might be fucked up. 0.99

02:49:37.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:49:39.000 Wow.

02:49:40.000 I was furious when I saw this.

02:49:42.000 Visit my crowdfunding site.

02:49:43.000 That wasn't the car pulled over, right?

02:49:45.000 The car took off.

02:49:45.000 No, no, the car took off.

02:49:47.000 It was a black Beamer.

02:49:48.000 No, it wasn't black.

02:49:51.000 Right here?

02:49:51.000 No, no, it was before that.

02:49:53.000 You could see it before it.

02:49:55.000 You could see the color of it before it.

02:49:57.000 Right.

02:49:58.000 The beginning, Jamie?

02:50:01.000 Yeah, see?

02:50:02.000 It's a Beamer on the left, right?

02:50:03.000 Yeah, it's a Beamer, but it looks like it's kind of a grayish.

02:50:08.000 I can't believe the guy did that.

02:50:10.000 Yeah, if anybody knows who did that. 1.00

02:50:12.000 Yeah, fucking find him. 0.99

02:50:14.000 Please. 1.00

02:50:14.000 That guy needs to be in jail. 1.00

02:50:16.000 That is such a cunt move. 1.00

02:50:18.000 Before you go, you've got to hear this story, Joe. 1.00

02:50:20.000 Gilby Clark from Guns N' Roses.

02:50:22.000 He was hit on his motorcycle on Ventura Boulevard about five years ago.

02:50:27.000 Guy hits and runs him.

02:50:29.000 Two years after that, Gilby Hospital for six months, can't walk, plates in his legs, a cane.

02:50:37.000 Guy hit him and ran.

02:50:39.000 The guy's at a party two years later.

02:50:41.000 He's telling the dude, yeah, man, I hit a guy a couple years ago on a motorcycle.

02:50:46.000 I just kept going, man.

02:50:48.000 He's kind of drunk.

02:50:49.000 The guy goes, really?

02:50:50.000 He goes, yeah, over on Ventura Boulevard, man. 1.00

02:50:53.000 These bikers, fuck them, man. 1.00

02:50:55.000 I mean, you know, he, I don't know. 1.00

02:50:57.000 I hit him, I don't know what happened.

02:50:59.000 The guy knew Gilby.

02:51:01.000 Called him and goes, I got the guy.

02:51:03.000 He's at this party two years later.

02:51:05.000 They sent the police over and it was the dude.

02:51:08.000 He told the story at a party.

02:51:11.000 So this guy is not going to be able to...

02:51:13.000 First of all, he has some damage on his car.

02:51:15.000 He hit the bike.

02:51:17.000 Most likely.

02:51:17.000 So he's got something on the side of his car.

02:51:19.000 Unless he just bumped the wheel.

02:51:20.000 Yeah, maybe.

02:51:21.000 Yeah, he might have bumped the wheel from behind.

02:51:24.000 But he's going to tell someone because that's going to weigh on him.

02:51:27.000 I hope so.

02:51:28.000 Me too. 1.00

02:51:29.000 What a cunt. 1.00

02:51:30.000 That's such a scary thing that someone could do that to a person. 1.00

02:51:33.000 Just hit him with a car. 1.00

02:51:34.000 That's fucking brutal, dude. 1.00

02:51:36.000 Unless he was texting. 1.00

02:51:37.000 He didn't realize he did it.

02:51:38.000 No, he knew he did it. 1.00

02:51:39.000 It looks like he drove on that guy's ass and hit him. 0.99

02:51:41.000 Well, the guy kept looking like he's coming up on him. 1.00

02:51:43.000 He sees his head. 1.00

02:51:44.000 He's going, what the fuck? 1.00

02:51:47.000 Well, two things. 1.00

02:51:49.000 One, don't start shit with someone that's just on their phone. 0.99

02:51:52.000 He shouldn't have done that in the first place. 0.99

02:51:54.000 Not excusing the guy for hitting him in the car, but you never know what you're catching someone. 0.97

02:51:59.000 You might be catching someone at the fucking verge of a nervous breakdown. 0.97

02:52:02.000 Their wife just broke up with them. 0.99

02:52:03.000 She cleaned out the bank account.

02:52:05.000 They got fired at work.

02:52:07.000 Their dog got poisoned by the neighbor.

02:52:09.000 Who knows?

02:52:10.000 Who knows? 1.00

02:52:11.000 And you just, you know, fuck you, get off your phone. 1.00

02:52:13.000 What?! 1.00

02:52:14.000 You know, you're catching someone at nine.

02:52:17.000 Touch the button.

02:52:18.000 Exactly.

02:52:18.000 Don't do it.

02:52:19.000 Be nice. 1.00

02:52:20.000 You fucks. 1.00

02:52:21.000 And this city is also filled with gangsters. 1.00

02:52:23.000 Half these people are just fucking murderers. 1.00

02:52:27.000 You know how many people are out there packing? 1.00

02:52:29.000 Well, how many people are out there just so angry and frustrated, too?

02:52:32.000 Yeah, I didn't get that rule. 1.00

02:52:33.000 Fuck him. 1.00

02:52:35.000 Just everything. 1.00

02:52:36.000 I mean, there's 20 million people.

02:52:37.000 You're dealing with way too many human beings. 0.99

02:52:39.000 You're dealing with all sorts of fucking economic problems and who knows what else and relationship shit. 0.99

02:52:45.000 There's an episode of... 1.00

02:52:47.000 Radio Lab that I'm listening to right now, where it talks about people that were going to kill somebody, that almost were going to kill somebody. 0.99

02:52:55.000 How prevalent it is, this woman was talking about this ex-boyfriend that she had that was blackmailing her and said, if you have another boyfriend, I'm going to fucking tell them and I'm going to send them sex tapes that we made together and was saying that I'm going to haunt you for the rest of your life. 0.99

02:53:10.000 So she invited the guy over to her house and she was cooking dinner for him and she was going to stab him. 0.99

02:53:15.000 Whoa. 0.95

02:53:15.000 And she had the knife in her hand. 0.95

02:53:17.000 The guy ran away.

02:53:18.000 And they asked her, like, how close were you to stabbing him?

02:53:20.000 She was like, 60%. 0.54

02:53:22.000 Wow. 0.99

02:53:22.000 60% to stab him. 0.99

02:53:24.000 She was thinking, if this guy wasn't in my life, I could be happy. 0.98

02:53:26.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:53:26.000 And so she was just going to stab him. 0.99

02:53:29.000 Like, she was so maniacal about it. 0.71

02:53:31.000 And you've got to think, how many people get that close?

02:53:33.000 Yeah.

02:53:33.000 Like, this is a normal person who got that close.

02:53:36.000 They got that close.

02:53:37.000 That's crazy.

02:53:38.000 Because then the next five minutes, your whole life changes and you go to prison.

02:53:43.000 Yeah.

02:53:44.000 You know?

02:53:45.000 I would give her a free pass. 0.87

02:53:46.000 I'd give her a pass. 1.00

02:53:48.000 The guy is a cunt. 1.00

02:53:49.000 He's trying to fucking say she can never have a boyfriend again. 1.00

02:53:51.000 He's gonna send the sex tape out. 1.00

02:53:53.000 Yeah, fuck that. 1.00

02:53:53.000 Ruining her life. 1.00

02:53:54.000 Apparently, according to her, vicious asshole. 1.00

02:53:57.000 If you're a woman, man, the shit that you have to deal with, it's not that much different than, I mean, in a lot of ways, that kind of bullying, that kind of physical, frightening shit. 1.00

02:54:08.000 It's a lot like someone in a car hitting someone on a bike. 1.00

02:54:11.000 It's like you can get away with it.

02:54:12.000 You know, you can get away with it so you do it, or you think in that moment at least you can get away with it.

02:54:16.000 That's the cuntiest aspect of people victimizing other people when they get away with it like that. 0.99

02:54:21.000 Yeah, blackmail is the garbage of America. 0.99

02:54:23.000 Yeah, any violence and like that, especially relationship violence. 1.00

02:54:28.000 It's the scariest shit, man. 0.99

02:54:30.000 That's what cops always say, it's the scariest thing for them when they gotta show up. 1.00

02:54:33.000 Domestic violence?

02:54:33.000 Yeah.

02:54:34.000 Wait, what'd you say about black guys?

02:54:35.000 That's not what he said, man. 0.97

02:54:37.000 Blackmail, bro.

02:54:39.000 Hey, man! 0.78

02:54:40.000 Black men? 1.00

02:54:43.000 That's the wrong with America. 1.00

02:54:45.000 Blackmail.

02:54:47.000 That's a meme now for Brian Redman.

02:54:50.000 With Brian Redman on Ferguson.

02:54:53.000 Brian Redman on Baltimore.

02:54:57.000 All right, Dean Del Rey, we've got to get out of here.

02:54:58.000 We ran out of time.

02:54:59.000 That was three hours.

02:55:00.000 Hey, man, I want to, for real, thank you so much for having me.

02:55:03.000 Please, thanks for coming on, man.

02:55:03.000 And folks, check out his podcast.

02:55:05.000 If you are into the sultry sounds of Dean Del Rey singing, let there be time! 1.00

02:55:12.000 How do you do that shit with your voice? 1.00

02:55:14.000 Let There Be Talk! 1.00

02:55:15.000 Yeah, there it is.

02:55:16.000 Let There Be Talk on iTunes. 0.86

02:55:18.000 Also, check out his podcast with Tom Herrera, because it's fucking awesome. 0.93

02:55:22.000 Toronto. 0.97

02:55:23.000 Next month, me and Dean Del Rey.

02:55:24.000 Okay, where are you guys at?

02:55:25.000 What time?

02:55:26.000 The 18th, we're doing the cinema, and it's going to be a theater show, and it's a live podcast, and both of us are going to do a full comedy show.

02:55:35.000 And where can they find out about that?

02:55:37.000 Go to deathsquad.tv, click on tour dates. 1.00

02:55:39.000 Alright, you fuckers. 1.00

02:55:40.000 We'll see you next week. 1.00

02:55:41.000 Until then, much love and big kisses to you all.

The Joe Rogan Experience - June 11, 2015

Joe Rogan Experience #659 - Dean Delray

Episode Stats

Summary

Transcript