The Joe Rogan Experience - June 15, 2015


Joe Rogan Experience #660 - Jim Florentine

Topics
mold blue cheese eating pigs Amazon wishlists Amazon wishlist lip piercings/piercings cigarettes carnivals Dubai hookers fruit juices Governors and Brokerage gigs squirting metal midgets or mental Kevin Hart productions
Hosted by
Joe Rogan
Guests
Jim Florentine
Mentioned
Joey Diaz Scientist Brian Tony Danza Bloated Tony Danza Drew Extreme Elvis Ted Nugent Bob Levy Tom Segura Greg Fitzsimmons Russell Peters Penn Jillette George W. Bush Dan Carlin Mike Tyson Bruce Lee Tuulip Obama Dude Pete Daniel Roberto Flores and 110 more
Joe Rogan Experience #659 - Dean Delray Joe Rogan Experience #661 - Rutledge Wood

Episode Stats


Length

2 hours and 49 minutes

Words per minute

204.63

Word count

34,692

Sentence count

4,292

Harmful content

Misogyny

246

sentences flagged

Toxicity

1,580

sentences flagged

Hate speech

135

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

Comedian Jim Florentine talks about living in a mold infested apartment with his then-partner, Jim Norton, and how they managed to stay alive in the face of the black mold infestation that plagued their New York apartment for a year and a half. Jim also talks about how he and Norton managed to survive the Black Mould infestation, and what it was like to live in a three-bedroom apartment in the late 90s and early 00s in New York City. And how they were able to make it through it all, even though they were barely making enough to pay the rent to live on. Jim also explains how he was able to get his first job as a stand-up comedian and how he managed to get a car and get a driver's license in spite of living on the road in the 70s and 80s. And he talks about the time he almost died from black mold in his bathroom. Oh yeah, and he also gives us the inside scoop on how he made it through the Black Mold infestation at his apartment and survived it. You won't want to miss this one. It's a good one! Thanks to our sponsor, Vaynermedia! We're working on transcribing this one so we can make more episodes like this in the future. We'll be posting them on Anchor.fm and other places where you can listen to us on the airwaves. Subscribe to stay up to date with us on social media and get notified when we upload a new episode. We're listening to the newest episode! Subscribe and sharing it so you can be a part of the podcast! Thank you for listening and sharing the podCastlecast and we'll be spreading the word! Love Ghost of God? Love ya, God bless, Blessings, Cheers, Kristy, Jen, Brian, J.J. & the Crew, EJ & The Crew, P.A. xx - EJ and the Crew at The Crew at VYNNE. XOXO XO, J-OJ & the Jerks at The Vagrant Media. - Tom Likas - The Crew @ VYNXNXOZYNNXO - J.E. & The Good Life at The GoodLife - & the Good Life Podcast - The Good Fight Podcast - John Rocha

Transcript

Transcripts from "The Joe Rogan Experience" are sourced from the Knowledge Fight Interactive Search Tool. Explore them interactively here.
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Toxicity classifications generated with s-nlp/roberta_toxicity_classifier .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
Topics generated with Qwen2.5-3B-Instruct.
Hosts, guests, and mentioned names generated with spaCy (en_core_web_sm), reconciled against Wikidata.
00:00:00.000 Yee-haw! 1.00
00:00:01.000 We're fucking live. 1.00
00:00:02.000 I was just about to take a sip of coffee, but this shit is way more important. 1.00
00:00:05.000 We're here with Jim Florentine, hilarious stand-up comedian and transracial pioneer. 0.99
00:00:10.000 You were doing that.
00:00:11.000 You were pushing the transracial movement like about two, three decades ago, right?
00:00:15.000 I was.
00:00:16.000 You know, living with Jim Norton, I've seen a lot.
00:00:20.000 That video, there's a video of you guys. 0.99
00:00:22.000 Was it you two living together where you had the fucking black mold? 0.99
00:00:26.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:00:26.000 Oh my god. 1.00
00:00:27.000 When you move the picture and you see the mold on the wall, people fucking die from that shit. 1.00
00:00:32.000 Like, the amount of mold you guys had. 1.00
00:00:34.000 I know.
00:00:34.000 I had it in my bedroom and I would just, I put tinfoil on the walls to cover it.
00:00:38.000 Around by the bed.
00:00:39.000 It was all the way up coming up, climbing up the walls.
00:00:41.000 I just put tinfoil on.
00:00:42.000 Oh, it should be fine. 0.99
00:00:43.000 That is so fucking crazy. 0.99
00:00:45.000 Who made that video? 0.99
00:00:46.000 It was somebody from O&A show came over and did the Cribs.
00:00:50.000 God. 1.00
00:00:51.000 Like, people get really sick from that shit, right? 1.00
00:00:54.000 I know. 1.00
00:00:55.000 I don't understand how we didn't get sick because we had it for like a year.
00:00:58.000 We're paying $800 for a three-bedroom right outside of New York City in the Jersey side and splitting it three ways.
00:01:04.000 I had a girlfriend who lived with me at the time, too.
00:01:06.000 So we're paying like $266 a month.
00:01:09.000 Wow.
00:01:10.000 That's pretty sweet.
00:01:11.000 And we weren't making any money, so we figured we'd move right next to New York City.
00:01:14.000 Here's a video.
00:01:15.000 It's going on behind you.
00:01:16.000 Did you get tested to see if you had anything from living there?
00:01:19.000 No. 1.00
00:01:20.000 Fuck no. 1.00
00:01:21.000 Tom Likas had to evacuate his whole house. 1.00
00:01:24.000 Tom Likas, they had to tear his walls down.
00:01:26.000 They have to, like, I guess they treat the mold to kill it.
00:01:30.000 They've got to tear all your walls down, and they've got to do these, like, tests of the air to make sure there's not spores that are flying around the air.
00:01:38.000 I mean, it's a real infestation. 1.00
00:01:41.000 It's fucked. 1.00
00:01:42.000 I know. 1.00
00:01:43.000 We didn't even look it up to find out if it was toxic.
00:01:48.000 I'm pretty sure it's not good.
00:01:50.000 This is sick.
00:01:51.000 It's dripping down the side of this painting.
00:01:54.000 Now they move this painting.
00:01:56.000 We went to a garage sale around the corner to buy more paintings just to cover up the mold.
00:02:01.000 That's what we would do.
00:02:03.000 Dude, that cannot be good.
00:02:05.000 Oh, it's super bad for you.
00:02:07.000 It's absolutely super bad. 1.00
00:02:08.000 There's my damn Reno jersey hanging up. 0.99
00:02:11.000 But you gotta think, just the sheer air that's in that room, it's gotta be filled with spores and shit, right? 1.00
00:02:19.000 And I think that's very, very poisonous. 1.00
00:02:21.000 Like, you probably have some kind of fucked up shit from that. 1.00
00:02:23.000 No, I bet he's fine now. 1.00
00:02:25.000 You don't?
00:02:26.000 But I bet back then you were probably suffering from just a lot of stress on your lungs.
00:02:31.000 Yeah.
00:02:31.000 What am I, a doctor?
00:02:32.000 Was your voice before really high-pitched?
00:02:34.000 Was it like, hi guys?
00:02:36.000 No, it's always been like this, yeah.
00:02:38.000 Jim's always had that voice.
00:02:39.000 That didn't work. 0.99
00:02:40.000 But when you're fucking young and poor and you're a comic, that is the way to go. 0.99
00:02:45.000 266 a month. 1.00
00:02:46.000 Fuck. 1.00
00:02:47.000 The lower your bills are, like for comics, it's like the whole thing in the beginning is you've got to get through the spot where you don't make any money, figure out how to do it, and then start making money. 1.00
00:02:57.000 Start getting road gigs and start...
00:02:58.000 But that area where you just... 0.92
00:03:00.000 Like, it's so important to fucking save as much money as possible.
00:03:04.000 Yeah, we were living like an hour south of the city in Jersey, me and Norton, and we figured we needed to get close because we were going in there like four or five nights a week trying to get in the clubs. 0.76
00:03:12.000 I moved in with...
00:03:13.000 I didn't even like this girl.
00:03:14.000 I just wanted her to pay a third of the rent. 1.00
00:03:16.000 I really didn't like her that much.
00:03:17.000 I'm like, look, we can cut this in threes.
00:03:19.000 That's hilarious.
00:03:21.000 Look at Jim, all fresh-faced, like a little lad, like a little boy.
00:03:25.000 Oh, your bathroom.
00:03:26.000 Sweet, merciful Christ. 0.98
00:03:28.000 I had a shithole of an apartment in New Rochelle. 0.96
00:03:33.000 It actually could have been a lot worse. 1.00
00:03:35.000 It was mostly families and shit in the neighborhood, but that was the same thing. 0.98
00:03:39.000 It was the cheapest place that I could get, that had a place to park, because I had to do a lot of road gigs. 0.99
00:03:44.000 I did city gigs in New York City, but at a certain point in time, I was like, fuck, man, these sits are only 10-15 minutes long. 0.83
00:03:51.000 You've got to travel all over to do them. 0.96
00:03:53.000 They don't pay any money.
00:03:54.000 I could just go to Connecticut and make $150 tonight.
00:03:57.000 I could go to Long Island and make $150.
00:04:00.000 You could make real money.
00:04:01.000 I think that's when I first met you, is Bob Levy and his wife had all these gigs, these one-nighters, that paid like $150, $200.
00:04:08.000 His wife was hot. 1.00
00:04:09.000 Oh, my God.
00:04:10.000 Good Lord.
00:04:10.000 It was insane.
00:04:11.000 She was one of those, like, what happened there relationships. 0.99
00:04:14.000 First of all, Bob is hilarious.
00:04:16.000 Chicks love, like, he's so funny.
00:04:19.000 Like, have you ever hung around with Bob Levy?
00:04:21.000 Do you know Bob Levy at all?
00:04:22.000 Yeah, but I haven't hung out with him. 0.93
00:04:23.000 He's fucking hilarious. 0.97
00:04:25.000 That dude's hilarious. 0.99
00:04:26.000 He was at...
00:04:27.000 I watched Artie Lang headline in Vegas once at the Luxor.
00:04:33.000 It was me and Joey and Eddie Bravo went.
00:04:35.000 Because we were there for the UFC. And he went up and he was doing some shit where he was having girls eat his asshole. 1.00
00:04:43.000 They put blue cheese on his ass and he was describing why he couldn't do that anymore because of lawsuits or whatever. 1.00
00:04:51.000 But he would put blue cheese on girls' asses and eat it on stage. 1.00
00:04:54.000 Right on stage, right out of her ass. 1.00
00:04:58.000 Maybe you would do it, but I don't know. 1.00
00:05:00.000 He was a famous comedian.
00:05:02.000 I mean, Bob Levy's like a nationally known comedian, and he's doing this.
00:05:05.000 Are these girls from the audience? 0.82
00:05:07.000 Yes. 1.00
00:05:08.000 A guy would go to his wife, go up there, come on, let him eat blue cheese out of your ass. 1.00
00:05:12.000 What's the big deal? 1.00
00:05:13.000 I'm like, that's unbelievable.
00:05:14.000 It's so crazy.
00:05:15.000 It's so crazy. 1.00
00:05:17.000 But he's just a funny fuck. 1.00
00:05:18.000 Like, people were heckling him, and he was just torturing him. 1.00
00:05:21.000 Bob's been around forever.
00:05:22.000 He's an old pro.
00:05:23.000 He's one of the best nightclub comics out there.
00:05:25.000 Old pro.
00:05:26.000 Old pro.
00:05:27.000 Just kills every time. 0.97
00:05:27.000 Knows how to do it. 0.97
00:05:28.000 He's just a funny guy.
00:05:30.000 He's just been around.
00:05:31.000 He's a good dude, too. 0.99
00:05:32.000 Goddamn, did he have a hot wife. 0.99
00:05:33.000 Unbelievable. 1.00
00:05:35.000 She's still hot. 1.00
00:05:35.000 She came to my show about a year ago. 1.00
00:05:36.000 I'm sure she is.
00:05:37.000 Still hot.
00:05:38.000 Crushing.
00:05:39.000 It was insane how hot she was. 0.94
00:05:41.000 Like, Bob, you don't deserve that.
00:05:42.000 How does that happen?
00:05:43.000 If she lived in California, it would kind of make sense if Bob was on a sitcom.
00:05:46.000 If Bob was on a sitcom and she lived in California, like, girls like her, I think, are more common in California. 0.98
00:05:51.000 But in Jersey? 1.00
00:05:52.000 Jesus fucking Christ. 1.00
00:05:54.000 They didn't even have a number for that. 1.00
00:05:56.000 She wasn't even a 10. You gotta go... 1.00
00:05:58.000 It's like a 10 plus.
00:06:00.000 Executive class 10. She hung in there for like three years and then she...
00:06:04.000 She couldn't take it anymore.
00:06:06.000 They were booking gigs.
00:06:07.000 I did a bunch of their gigs.
00:06:08.000 Yeah, that's when I originally met you, because you'd do a bunch of one-nighters.
00:06:10.000 Such a good dude.
00:06:11.000 Yeah.
00:06:12.000 Always been a good dude. 1.00
00:06:13.000 Funny, crazy fuck. 1.00
00:06:15.000 Yeah, he would... 1.00
00:06:15.000 And you know when he had to stop eating blue cheese at a girl's asses, because he was going through a divorce, and... 1.00
00:06:22.000 His ex-wife, the second wife's lawyers, were using the footage on YouTube against him in court.
00:06:28.000 So you had to tell the audience, look, I've got to stop eating blue cheese, and they would boo. 0.99
00:06:32.000 He goes, look, this shit's on YouTube. 0.99
00:06:33.000 I'm trying to get custody of my son. 1.00
00:06:35.000 Oh my God.
00:06:39.000 It's just like specific dressing.
00:06:41.000 What about Thousand Island?
00:06:42.000 No, blue cheese or nothing.
00:06:44.000 Like, look, this girl is there. 1.00
00:06:46.000 He puts blue cheese on her ass and he eats it on stage. 1.00
00:06:49.000 What a lucky guy. 1.00
00:06:50.000 Oh, he's a savage.
00:06:51.000 And he holds on, too.
00:06:52.000 He doesn't let go.
00:06:53.000 Like, he'll hold them and they're trying to run away and he's... 1.00
00:06:55.000 He's a fucking savage. 1.00
00:06:57.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:06:57.000 He's a savage. 1.00
00:06:58.000 He's, look at that girl's asshole! 1.00
00:07:00.000 Jesus Christ! 1.00
00:07:02.000 Wow.
00:07:02.000 Blue cheese in Wildwood.
00:07:04.000 I mean, it's kind of like a cultural legend thing.
00:07:09.000 By the way, when I first heard that he was doing it, I wasn't even remotely surprised.
00:07:14.000 I was like, oh, but I believe he's doing that?
00:07:16.000 Alright.
00:07:16.000 Does that make sense?
00:07:17.000 It's fucking crazy! 1.00
00:07:19.000 If somebody told me that Greg Fitzsimmons started eating blue cheese out of girls' asses, I'd be like, whoa, what the fuck happened to Greg? 1.00
00:07:26.000 Greg went south. 1.00
00:07:28.000 He went crazy. 0.90
00:07:29.000 Greg's gone crazy.
00:07:30.000 But when I heard it was Bob Levy, it was totally acceptable.
00:07:33.000 If you know him, something like that's completely acceptable.
00:07:37.000 Like, oh yeah, that's probably what he does.
00:07:39.000 The first time he did it, this gig got canceled. 0.99
00:07:42.000 We were just hanging out at Holiday Inn in the room where the comedy was supposed to be, and some girl was there, and we were drinking with her, and somehow we got her to go, hey, we mustered up like $37 if he can eat blue cheese out of your ass, because we're eating wings. 0.99
00:07:55.000 And Bob said, I want to eat this blue cheese out of your ass. 1.00
00:07:57.000 And I go, how much would you do it? 1.00
00:07:58.000 She goes, I don't know.
00:07:59.000 And I got 37. She goes, okay, fine.
00:08:01.000 And he ate blue cheese just in front of like four people.
00:08:02.000 And Levi's like, I got to close with that.
00:08:04.000 I go, I don't know.
00:08:07.000 I go, it worked between us friends.
00:08:10.000 I don't know if that's going to work on stage.
00:08:12.000 Oh my God, I got to close with that. 1.00
00:08:14.000 What kind of a fucking animal? 1.00
00:08:19.000 What kind of a fucking animal offers a girl $37 to eat blue cheese out of her ass and then after he does it says, I gotta close with that. 1.00
00:08:31.000 I'm fucking crying. 1.00
00:08:33.000 Oh my god, I'm fucking crying. 0.99
00:08:36.000 Those are the beautiful people that you meet in stand-up comedy. 0.99
00:08:38.000 I know.
00:08:39.000 You only meet those people in stand-up comedy.
00:08:42.000 They don't exist in other professions.
00:08:44.000 Or like Extreme Elvis.
00:08:46.000 I've met that guy a few times. 0.94
00:08:47.000 Oh, he's crazy.
00:08:48.000 His show is amazing. 0.74
00:08:49.000 I don't think he does that anymore.
00:08:50.000 Yeah, I don't think he does either. 0.97
00:08:51.000 It was a fucking amazing show. 0.97
00:08:53.000 Extreme Elvis is an Elvis impersonator. 1.00
00:08:56.000 And he takes his clothes off and he pisses in this girl's mouth. 1.00
00:08:59.000 It's fucking crazy. 1.00
00:09:00.000 He gets totally naked. 1.00
00:09:01.000 Yeah.
00:09:02.000 And they're really good musicians.
00:09:04.000 Like Penn Jillette.
00:09:05.000 Did Penn Jillette tell them about me?
00:09:07.000 I don't know who told who about them.
00:09:09.000 But he and I talked and he wound up hiring the guy to do like a party at his house.
00:09:14.000 And Penn's like strict, like no drugs, no this, no that.
00:09:18.000 So you had to do it sober. 0.96
00:09:19.000 Because Extreme Elvis would do all shows completely fucked up. 1.00
00:09:23.000 Like drink a gallon of fucking whiskey on stage. 1.00
00:09:27.000 That's him right there. 1.00
00:09:28.000 Holy shit. 0.99
00:09:29.000 Yeah, dude. 0.99
00:09:30.000 I mean, you ain't seen nothing yet.
00:09:32.000 So weird.
00:09:32.000 I wrote a whole blog about it.
00:09:34.000 I wrote a whole blog about it a long time ago, like way back in 2003, because it was amazing.
00:09:39.000 This show was amazing.
00:09:41.000 He goes, who wants to drink the King's piss?
00:09:44.000 The girl next to him goes, I do, I do. 0.99
00:09:46.000 He just pisses in her mouth. 1.00
00:09:48.000 She's lying there. 1.00
00:09:49.000 She's topless.
00:09:50.000 She's hot, by the way. 1.00
00:09:51.000 And she's talented.
00:09:52.000 And she can play.
00:09:54.000 I forget what she did, whether she sang or she played guitar.
00:09:57.000 I forget what instrument, but I remember overall it was a very good show.
00:10:00.000 They're very talented.
00:10:01.000 On top of the fact, it was insane. 0.99
00:10:03.000 He's pissing in this girl's mouth. 1.00
00:10:05.000 And some guy from the audience, or it was a girl, some girl tried to stick a beer bottle up his ass. 1.00
00:10:16.000 Because he was totally naked. 1.00
00:10:18.000 So some girl comes up behind him and starts sticking this beer bottle up his ass. 1.00
00:10:22.000 And he grabs her hand and starts putting it in the right hole. 0.99
00:10:27.000 And then she panics and she runs away. 1.00
00:10:29.000 Like he was helping her shove this beer bottle up his ass. 1.00
00:10:32.000 Holy shit. 1.00
00:10:37.000 It was a fucking crazy show. 1.00
00:10:40.000 Did you see what Jamie just put up? 1.00
00:10:41.000 It was a poor cue.
00:10:43.000 I'm not surprised.
00:10:44.000 I'm also not surprised that he doesn't do it anymore if he was doing these kind of things on a regular basis. 1.00
00:10:50.000 Because that's fucking dangerous for your asshole. 1.00
00:10:52.000 You can't just have random strangers stick stuff up your ass. 1.00
00:10:55.000 They won't be so kind. 1.00
00:10:56.000 Yeah.
00:10:57.000 That sounds like G.G. Allen, when he would just take a shit on stage and just throw it at the audience before the first song. 0.99
00:11:03.000 I'm telling you, though, this dude is really good. 0.99
00:11:06.000 Like, as a musician, he was really fucking good. 0.96
00:11:09.000 That was the craziest thing about the show. 0.99
00:11:12.000 It was not just that it was this freak show. 0.99
00:11:15.000 He was doing the freak show thing, but he's a fucking talented musician. 0.99
00:11:19.000 Like, he does a wicked Elvis. 0.99
00:11:21.000 Like he's doing Suspicious Minds and the whole audience was singing along.
00:11:25.000 We're caught in a trap.
00:11:28.000 I can't walk out.
00:11:30.000 Like the whole crowd was going, because I love you too. 1.00
00:11:33.000 And these guys, he's got his dick out. 1.00
00:11:35.000 Okay? 1.00
00:11:36.000 He's fucking naked on stage. 1.00
00:11:38.000 He just pissed in a girl's mouth. 1.00
00:11:39.000 And they're singing Suspicious Minds. 1.00
00:11:42.000 I mean, it's a fucking show. 0.99
00:11:44.000 Now, the girl that he pissed in her mouth, is she in the band? 1.00
00:11:46.000 Yes! 0.64
00:11:46.000 Okay. 0.64
00:11:47.000 And she's good!
00:11:48.000 I forget what she did. 1.00
00:11:49.000 Fuck, I wish I could remember. 1.00
00:11:50.000 Because this was like 12 years ago. 1.00
00:11:51.000 We saw it in like 2003. So every night he'd piss in her mouth? 0.89
00:11:55.000 Oh, my bad! 0.74
00:11:56.000 I don't know how many times they did shows, but I talked to him briefly.
00:11:59.000 He was telling me all these different times he's been arrested, all these different times they wouldn't give him his money. 0.98
00:12:04.000 Because a lot of times the clubs, they don't know what the fuck he's going to do. 1.00
00:12:07.000 This guy's getting his dick out, he's pissing in girls' mouths and shit. 1.00
00:12:11.000 I don't think they understand the show. 1.00
00:12:13.000 I just really don't think they understand what they're signing up for. 0.97
00:12:16.000 So these rock venues would have him come in there, and then they get fucking mad at him, they want to beat him up. 0.81
00:12:22.000 And didn't pay him at the end of the night.
00:12:24.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:12:25.000 Holy shit. 0.99
00:12:26.000 I gotta find out if this guy's still around. 0.99
00:12:28.000 I want to see this show.
00:12:28.000 I hope he is.
00:12:30.000 But I hope he takes better care of himself.
00:12:33.000 Like, you can't just drink a bottle of whiskey every night and do this.
00:12:36.000 I can't imagine how he could do this show all the time. 0.99
00:12:39.000 This is a fucking super dangerous show for your body. 0.99
00:12:43.000 I think he's got a bunch of chickens picking. 1.00
00:12:45.000 He's lying down there tied up, and they put grain all over his cock.
00:12:50.000 And he's got a bunch of chickens that they put on top of the sheet, and they're pecking at the grain. 1.00
00:12:54.000 It's right over his dick. 1.00
00:12:55.000 This is so fucking bizarre. 1.00
00:12:57.000 Who's that guy over there? 0.96
00:12:59.000 Exactly, exactly.
00:13:00.000 Who's that guy? 1.00
00:13:01.000 Holy shit. 1.00
00:13:02.000 He's out of his mind. 1.00
00:13:03.000 That's like Ari Schick-Fear.
00:13:04.000 Last time I saw him, I was going into the Paul Provenza Green Room show.
00:13:11.000 Did you ever do that show?
00:13:12.000 No, I know what he talked about.
00:13:13.000 But I didn't get a chance to ask him whether or not he's doing it again. 0.99
00:13:18.000 Fuck that guy was good though. 0.98
00:13:20.000 He was at the Comedy Store probably like two years ago. 1.00
00:13:22.000 See if he could get any of him singing.
00:13:25.000 What's that?
00:13:25.000 I thought he was.
00:13:26.000 Well see if you can find one where there's actual singing because the crazy thing is that he's really fucking really talented.
00:13:34.000 It was a great show, though. 0.99
00:13:36.000 There's very few shows where you go, fuck yeah! 1.00
00:13:38.000 You get out of there and you go, I saw the king piss in this chick's mouth and then have the whole audience sing along to a song. 1.00
00:13:44.000 It was awesome. 0.96
00:13:45.000 That's great.
00:13:46.000 Is there anything like that right now that's big?
00:13:50.000 It's hard to do something like that.
00:13:51.000 This was 2003, so the internet was around.
00:13:55.000 It wasn't around like it's around now.
00:13:57.000 It's not the same thing.
00:13:58.000 You would go to jail.
00:13:59.000 You're not allowed to do that. 1.00
00:14:00.000 You can't just pull your dick out. 1.00
00:14:01.000 Insurance and everything. 1.00
00:14:03.000 Yeah, everything.
00:14:03.000 Yeah, no one's gonna take a chance anymore.
00:14:05.000 By the way, what the fuck is wrong with the world where a guy can't piss in a girl's mouth on stage like that? 0.99
00:14:10.000 You can't prove to me that that's not art, because it is art, okay? 1.00
00:14:14.000 If you can make a show that's that fucked up, you got a guy who's Elvis. 0.98
00:14:19.000 He sings really good. 1.00
00:14:20.000 He's got a fucking talented band with him. 1.00
00:14:23.000 Oh, one of his band members, she takes off her clothes, her tits are out, and he pisses in her mouth. 1.00
00:14:27.000 And his dick's about that big. 1.00
00:14:28.000 The whole thing is ridiculous. 1.00
00:14:31.000 It is a goddamn ridiculous show. 1.00
00:14:33.000 And the pissing in her mouth make the show better, like as an artistic piece. 1.00
00:14:38.000 Absolutely. 1.00
00:14:39.000 For real, because it was just more surreal and more fucked up. 0.98
00:14:44.000 But how is that illegal? 1.00
00:14:45.000 Goddamn communists. 1.00
00:14:47.000 Jim Florentine. 1.00
00:14:48.000 I don't understand.
00:14:50.000 He'd have to do like backyard shows at this point.
00:14:53.000 Is this him singing?
00:14:59.000 What year is this?
00:15:02.000 2010?
00:15:03.000 2004. Is that what it said?
00:15:08.000 Well, there was a lot of this at the shows, too. 1.00
00:15:10.000 A lot of fucking screaming. 0.99
00:15:12.000 People couldn't believe. 1.00
00:15:18.000 What is he doing? 1.00
00:15:22.000 Can you fucking hear me? 0.99
00:15:40.000 I used to have an Extreme Elvis t-shirt. 1.00
00:15:42.000 Fuck, I think I lost it somewhere. 0.99
00:15:44.000 I think I left it in a hotel room somewhere. 1.00
00:15:46.000 Don't you hate that? 1.00
00:15:47.000 Fuck, I hate that. 1.00
00:15:48.000 Ex-girlfriends taking your shirts. 1.00
00:15:50.000 Hotel rooms.
00:15:52.000 It's Elvis, baby.
00:15:54.000 I think he's doing that song Black Sabbath by Black Sabbath.
00:16:00.000 Yeah.
00:16:06.000 Elvis doing Ozzy.
00:16:07.000 It's beautiful.
00:16:11.000 Well, I think the folks at home get the point.
00:16:13.000 But go check them out.
00:16:15.000 If you're still doing it.
00:16:16.000 There's one band, Gwarb, they're kind of around anymore.
00:16:18.000 The lead singer died about a year ago.
00:16:19.000 Yeah, I heard about that.
00:16:19.000 They got a great stage show.
00:16:21.000 Was it like that?
00:16:22.000 They just shoot jizz on the crowd and stuff like that.
00:16:24.000 Yeah.
00:16:25.000 Yeah, there was a lot of special effects, like things coming out of chest and stuff like that.
00:16:29.000 There was a girl in the band. 0.71
00:16:30.000 She gave birth to a baby.
00:16:31.000 That's what it was.
00:16:32.000 And the baby came out and they put her right in the wood chipper and the blood went all over the audience.
00:16:36.000 I was like 22 years old.
00:16:37.000 I'm like, that's the greatest thing I've ever seen in my life.
00:16:39.000 I wish, that's one thing I wish I got to see.
00:16:41.000 I never got to see a Dwar concert.
00:16:43.000 Oh my god, they threw a fake baby in a wood shepherd. 0.97
00:16:46.000 Came right out of her, gave birth, and put her right in a wood shepherd. 0.93
00:16:49.000 I think they're still doing shows with the Mulder members and stuff, but Grey Band always went to see them live.
00:16:55.000 Oh my god.
00:16:56.000 How did they not go to jail for that?
00:16:58.000 How did they not get, like, there was some protest, some family advocacy group or anything?
00:17:03.000 I mean, I would think that someone would protest you putting a fake baby in a wood shepherd if that's a part of your act. 0.98
00:17:10.000 Whatever president, they would cut his head off. 0.98
00:17:12.000 Whoever was president at the time, they'd cut his head off on stage. 0.99
00:17:15.000 You can't still do that, though, can you?
00:17:16.000 Yeah, they still...
00:17:17.000 I saw them two years ago, they were doing Obama.
00:17:20.000 Really? 0.98
00:17:21.000 Cutting his head off, yeah. 0.99
00:17:22.000 Jesus Christ. 1.00
00:17:23.000 I would think that the Secret Service would come get you if you did some shit like that. 1.00
00:17:28.000 Yeah, that's why... 0.99
00:17:28.000 Isn't there, like, rules? 0.99
00:17:29.000 I thought you weren't even allowed to say, like, I want to kill the president. 0.98
00:17:32.000 Hey! 1.00
00:17:33.000 Someone's going to take that as a fucking sound bite, dude. 0.99
00:17:35.000 No, you didn't let me finish, of Jamba Juice. 0.99
00:17:37.000 You know, or something like that.
00:17:38.000 That's why I would always say something at the end.
00:17:40.000 Don't say that, man.
00:17:40.000 I know George Bush.
00:17:42.000 They did it for Bush.
00:17:42.000 Oh, my God.
00:17:43.000 Here's Circuit City.
00:17:44.000 Look at this. 1.00
00:17:44.000 Look at the outfit this fucking guy's got on. 1.00
00:17:48.000 Does he have a fake dick? 1.00
00:17:49.000 Is that what I saw? 1.00
00:17:50.000 What is that? 1.00
00:17:50.000 He's got a giant fake dick? 1.00
00:17:52.000 He's gonna fuck him. 1.00
00:17:53.000 It's a fist? 1.00
00:17:55.000 What is his dick? 1.00
00:17:57.000 Oh my god. 1.00
00:17:59.000 He takes his head off and squirts in the crowd.
00:18:02.000 Oh my god. 0.99
00:18:03.000 This is so ridiculous. 0.99
00:18:05.000 It's kind of like something for kids when you go to Disneyland or Universal Studios, like one of those shows, but for adults. 0.98
00:18:11.000 Do you think they know about this?
00:18:14.000 I'm sure they do because they were doing President Bush when he was in office or whatever president is.
00:18:20.000 It seems like he could go to jail for this.
00:18:23.000 Doesn't it?
00:18:24.000 It kind of falls into cheesy horror movie kind of category.
00:18:28.000 Well, for sure.
00:18:29.000 But I mean, it brings up an interesting conversation about making fun of things and what you should and shouldn't be able to make fun of because of that Charlie Hebdo thing that happened.
00:18:40.000 Do you know what that is?
00:18:43.000 In France, the people that ran this magazine, they had this magazine that did a lot of satire drawings of Muhammad. 0.98
00:18:49.000 And these dudes showed up and fucking gunned them all down. 0.99
00:18:54.000 Killed everybody. 1.00
00:18:54.000 And they killed the dudes. 1.00
00:18:56.000 They had a manhunt for them. 0.99
00:18:57.000 These two radical Muslim dudes.
00:19:00.000 But that was just, you know, drawing... 1.00
00:19:04.000 Drawing pictures, which everybody's like, well, that's fucked up. 0.98
00:19:06.000 You can't do that. 0.98
00:19:07.000 You just can't.
00:19:08.000 You can't kill people for drawing a picture.
00:19:10.000 But we do have certain things you're not allowed to do. 0.74
00:19:14.000 Like, you literally can't say, I want to kill Mr. President.
00:19:20.000 You can't say that. 0.55
00:19:21.000 You couldn't say his name. 1.00
00:19:22.000 If you said that, if you said, I want to kill that guy, or I want to kill the president, like, that's illegal. 0.99
00:19:27.000 Like, they could literally lock you up for that. 0.99
00:19:30.000 Which is weird.
00:19:31.000 Because, like, you know that's kind of a figure of speech.
00:19:34.000 You know, like, people say that all the time. 1.00
00:19:35.000 Oh, I want to kill that guy. 1.00
00:19:37.000 I fucking hate him. 1.00
00:19:37.000 I mean, like, if there's a guy in a movie that sucks, like, you don't like him as an actor, you might say, oh, I want to kill that fucking guy. 1.00
00:19:46.000 You don't mean it. 1.00
00:19:47.000 Right.
00:19:47.000 But is that illegal?
00:19:48.000 Like, if you say that, like, the president has some stupid thing that he vetoes or something that people don't agree with. 0.99
00:19:54.000 If you said that it's a common figure of speech, but you said that and you did it publicly, they could fucking take you in. 0.99
00:20:01.000 Yeah, the Secret Service is at your house the next day. 0.98
00:20:03.000 Ted Nugent said something a couple years ago about Obama, not saying I want to kill him, but he said something.
00:20:08.000 I forget what the quote was, and the Secret Service was at his house the next day.
00:20:12.000 I think he was saying something like if Obama gets arrested, he might wind up in jail.
00:20:18.000 Yeah, we're all going to be dead and in jail or something like that.
00:20:20.000 So it wasn't even direct at the president.
00:20:23.000 I think he was saying that he might wind up in jail, that Nugent might wind up in jail.
00:20:27.000 Something like that, yeah.
00:20:28.000 Implying, you know, it could be seen as implying that he would do something, but it's weird.
00:20:34.000 You know, Ted Dunge is not going to kill the president.
00:20:37.000 Stop.
00:20:38.000 You know, he's doing a hunting show.
00:20:40.000 He likes playing guitar.
00:20:41.000 He's not going to kill the president.
00:20:42.000 And then Ted, of course, he's like, when Secret Service came, there were fans of mine.
00:20:46.000 I played a little concert with him, and I gave him my latest CD and stuff.
00:20:51.000 He's like, I was going to take him out back in the shooting range, but they didn't want to do it.
00:20:54.000 Have you ever seen him in the helicopters shooting pigs?
00:20:57.000 No.
00:20:57.000 You gotta see it.
00:20:59.000 You gotta see it.
00:21:00.000 It's one of the greatest things the world has ever known.
00:21:02.000 Ted Nugent in a helicopter shooting wild pigs with a machine gun.
00:21:07.000 Just... 1.00
00:21:07.000 It's the fucking craziest thing ever. 1.00
00:21:11.000 They're flying around in Texas in a fucking helicopter. 1.00
00:21:14.000 Him and this dude, they call him Pig Man. 1.00
00:21:17.000 So Pig Man and Ted Nugent, and they're circling around these giant packs of pigs and just lighting them up. 1.00
00:21:22.000 It's fucked up. 1.00
00:21:24.000 Wanna see it? 0.99
00:21:25.000 Yeah.
00:21:25.000 Here, play it.
00:21:26.000 Is this it?
00:21:29.000 This is just talking about the devastation.
00:21:33.000 There's like a whole graphic before the video that shows what these wild pigs do in Texas, because they are absolutely devastating to the farms down there.
00:21:42.000 They're out of control.
00:21:43.000 There's so many of them. 0.95
00:21:44.000 Millions of wild pigs in Texas alone. 1.00
00:21:46.000 I mean, it's a fucking infestation. 0.99
00:21:48.000 But like, as you see when you're circling over in a helicopter, you're talking about a huge It's a huge area. 0.99
00:21:53.000 I mean, Texas is goddamn enormous. 0.80
00:21:56.000 And these things are impossible to eradicate because they're smart. 0.99
00:22:01.000 So they get together and they're fucking shooting these things out of helicopters. 1.00
00:22:05.000 And it's fucking madness. 1.00
00:22:07.000 You can shoot as many as you want all day long. 1.00
00:22:09.000 You shoot them at night. 1.00
00:22:10.000 There's no rules. 1.00
00:22:11.000 You just shoot them. 0.99
00:22:12.000 I mean, it's like, look at this. 1.00
00:22:14.000 This is crazy.
00:22:15.000 Oh, that's awful.
00:22:16.000 It's awful.
00:22:19.000 Well, it wouldn't be awful if you were hungry and you wanted a pig, or if it was your farm.
00:22:24.000 Yeah, absolutely. 0.99
00:22:24.000 The problem is if it's your farm, like, fuck, man, like, what is a farm, then? 0.99
00:22:29.000 You know, if they become a threat to people, that's one thing, but it is really weird that you could just, just because they cost money, like, they're chewing up people's food, but they're animals, you know, like, that's what they kind of do. 0.99
00:22:44.000 Yeah.
00:22:47.000 It's like you have to manage them, but you have to figure out a way to manage the population, but it seems like they can't.
00:22:53.000 It seems like there's just too many of them. 1.00
00:22:55.000 They just have to kill them. 1.00
00:22:56.000 But doing it that way just seems kind of fucked. 1.00
00:23:00.000 Seems effective. 1.00
00:23:01.000 Put them to sleep and rock them to bed or something, like make it a religious thing where we bless these pigs instead of shooting them with a machine gun out of a helicopter. 0.99
00:23:11.000 It's just, you know? 1.00
00:23:12.000 No.
00:23:13.000 I don't know.
00:23:16.000 I mean look at cats and dogs like we we put cats and dogs to sleep or we try to you know do something for them but like like animals that we need to get over that were overpopulated with you know we shouldn't be really allowed to just like I don't know torture or you know shoot with a machine gun out of a helicopter I think they're just doing it because it's one of the only ways it's effective I think on the ground you can't get to them Doing it from a helicopter is like one of the best ways to do it because they're too smart.
00:23:42.000 If you're on the ground and you try to get near them, they run away.
00:23:45.000 They smell things.
00:23:46.000 They hear things.
00:23:47.000 They don't see very good, but they can hear very well and they smell anything.
00:23:51.000 They just bolt.
00:23:52.000 What about poisoning? 1.00
00:23:54.000 You couldn't poison them because then you poison a bunch of other shit too. 0.99
00:23:56.000 And you poison the environment and you poison the things that eat the things you poisoned. 0.99
00:24:00.000 If you poison a pig and the pig gets eaten by a mountain lion, the mountain lion gets poisoned too.
00:24:04.000 And the mountain lion could die from the same disease or the same poison.
00:24:09.000 Thank you.
00:24:09.000 Then you can't have that pig meat either.
00:24:11.000 Yeah.
00:24:11.000 Pig meat goes bad.
00:24:12.000 They just gotta figure out a way to keep them from...
00:24:16.000 You know, that's one of the best ways. 1.00
00:24:18.000 It's fucked up, but it's one of the best ways to kill them is those helicopter things. 1.00
00:24:21.000 Because they can do it in... 1.00
00:24:22.000 They can get 100 of them, 200 of them in a day.
00:24:25.000 They got 450 in one day on that pig man show. 0.98
00:24:28.000 Pigs are so smart, though. 1.00
00:24:29.000 It sucks. 0.98
00:24:30.000 I don't like when smart animals, you know... 0.99
00:24:32.000 I hear you. 1.00
00:24:33.000 It's fucked up. 1.00
00:24:34.000 Yeah. 0.99
00:24:34.000 You're right. 0.99
00:24:35.000 You're right.
00:24:36.000 They're smart, but...
00:24:39.000 There's such a big difference between smart animals and smart people. 1.00
00:24:42.000 There's a giant fucking difference. 0.99
00:24:44.000 And I wonder what the variable of being wild is. 0.99
00:24:49.000 Because pigs, if you're around pigs and they're domesticated, they're sweet.
00:24:55.000 They're really sweet little animals.
00:24:57.000 They come over and they hang with you.
00:24:58.000 They're pretty cool.
00:24:59.000 But they are domesticated, so it means their experiences, none of their experience has been devastating.
00:25:03.000 They haven't seen their mother getting killed by a wild mountain lion or something like that.
00:25:08.000 They haven't seen their brother getting eaten by a bear. 1.00
00:25:10.000 You know, they're not living in the wild, just running away from shit all the time like a wild pig is. 0.99
00:25:16.000 They're constantly fed and taken care of. 0.98
00:25:18.000 So they have, like, it's sort of like people.
00:25:21.000 People, if you leave people in a wild state, even to this day, there's places in the world where people live a far scarier life than we could ever imagine.
00:25:31.000 Every day you're dealing with violence and chaos and danger.
00:25:36.000 Those people, they're going to be a wilder style of human being than we are. 0.99
00:25:42.000 And I think that's what's going on with these pigs. 1.00
00:25:44.000 It's kind of fucked that you can eat something that also, if the circumstances were better, could be your buddy. 0.99
00:25:51.000 Yeah, right? 1.00
00:25:52.000 Put a head on that pig and it would be awesome. 1.00
00:25:54.000 Yeah. 0.99
00:25:56.000 There's definitely something to that.
00:25:58.000 Because it's all about their experiences.
00:26:01.000 If they're growing up in a cage and you just...
00:26:03.000 I mean, we don't even understand their behavior. 0.88
00:26:05.000 Because the behavior that we have of pigs is... 0.82
00:26:08.000 Almost all of it is behavior of things that are locked up.
00:26:11.000 You know, the actual wild behavior of them.
00:26:13.000 They're super hard to watch.
00:26:15.000 It's hard to get close to them.
00:26:17.000 You know, try tagging them and releasing them and all that. 0.99
00:26:19.000 It's a fucking nightmare. 1.00
00:26:20.000 They're clever fuckers. 1.00
00:26:22.000 It's almost like you could take a shitload of pigs and put it in some kind of, like, spinning, like, windmill-type things, and then we can make them Make energy for us instead or something like that. 1.00
00:26:31.000 Right, like give them food and a giant hamster wheel and as they go and chase after the food. 0.90
00:26:36.000 Yeah.
00:26:36.000 But you have to make that food.
00:26:38.000 It takes energy to make the food that's going to give them energy.
00:26:42.000 Logically, it wouldn't make sense.
00:26:43.000 Because it's fake food.
00:26:44.000 Unless you have like a super good, very efficient system where like each spin was worth like hundreds of kilowatts of...
00:26:51.000 Right.
00:26:52.000 Well, the windmill is like five miles long, and it's just rows and rows of pigs. 0.99
00:26:56.000 Right, but how much food would you have to give those fucks? 0.99
00:26:58.000 You don't have to give them anything. 0.99
00:27:00.000 It would be fake food.
00:27:01.000 No, they'd just die. 0.61
00:27:02.000 It smelled good. 1.00
00:27:03.000 One dies, then you cut them up and let them eat their friend.
00:27:05.000 You haven't thought about this at all.
00:27:07.000 They eat the row in front of them.
00:27:09.000 They're done by row.
00:27:10.000 Each row is like a week, so they die and the ones in front of them eat them. 1.00
00:27:13.000 Shut the fuck up. 1.00
00:27:13.000 Just shut the fuck up. 1.00
00:27:17.000 You know, they say that's one of the best, like that movie Snatch, that they'd say that really is one of the best ways to get rid of a body. 1.00
00:27:23.000 Some guy who was a pig farmer in, I think it was British Columbia, who was also a serial killer, and he would throw the bodies into the pig's thigh, and the pigs would just destroy them.
00:27:33.000 Really?
00:27:34.000 Just eat everything.
00:27:34.000 They eat everything.
00:27:35.000 They shit out the teeth. 1.00
00:27:36.000 It's about it. 1.00
00:27:37.000 Everything else gets done.
00:27:39.000 They chew through the bones.
00:27:40.000 Everything.
00:27:41.000 Wow. 0.99
00:27:41.000 Yeah, they're monsters. 0.99
00:27:42.000 It's crazy.
00:27:43.000 This girl I met recently, she collects teeth. 0.98
00:27:46.000 And all the teeth have a story.
00:27:48.000 Run! 0.68
00:27:48.000 I know. 0.68
00:27:49.000 Run! 0.68
00:27:50.000 All the teeth have a story.
00:27:52.000 Like, this is my friend Jeff's tooth.
00:27:53.000 Or this is a girl's tooth that I met on a subway or whatever.
00:27:56.000 And she says she likes to throw them in her bed and sleep with the teeth. 1.00
00:28:00.000 So when she wakes up, it looks like teeth marks are all over her body.
00:28:03.000 Let me open your mouth.
00:28:04.000 Let me see if you're missing any.
00:28:05.000 Jesus Christ.
00:28:07.000 And when are you guys getting married?
00:28:10.000 You move in yet?
00:28:11.000 No.
00:28:12.000 You still got your wisdom teeth?
00:28:14.000 Yeah.
00:28:14.000 No, I got rid of them.
00:28:16.000 Yeah, because she'd be like, I might as well get them out.
00:28:18.000 There's always going to be someone new out there that surprises you even more.
00:28:21.000 I know. 1.00
00:28:22.000 What the fuck? 1.00
00:28:22.000 When you think you got it all figured out. 1.00
00:28:24.000 Is she hot at least? 1.00
00:28:25.000 Oh, she's super hot. 1.00
00:28:26.000 And she has all these other skulls. 1.00
00:28:28.000 She has monkey skulls, cat skulls. 0.99
00:28:30.000 Her whole house is just skulls, and then she has jars of teeth. 1.00
00:28:33.000 So healthy.
00:28:34.000 Yeah.
00:28:34.000 And one of the teeth had like, it was like a fresh one, like it had some meat on it or something.
00:28:39.000 It's gross as fuck. 0.99
00:28:41.000 She might have paid a dude on Craigslist to pull it. 1.00
00:28:43.000 You see her two feet on his shoulders, fucking pair of pliers. 1.00
00:28:48.000 Fucking periscope chicks are crazy. 1.00
00:28:50.000 He's screaming. 1.00
00:28:51.000 So you haven't hooked up with her?
00:28:52.000 No, no, no, I'm not going to.
00:28:54.000 Freak me out.
00:28:54.000 Good for you.
00:28:56.000 So how about this fucking NAACP lady from Spokane, Washington that pretended to be black? 1.00
00:29:03.000 This is not real life. 1.00
00:29:04.000 This is like simulation theory and somebody hacked and is playing a joke on us.
00:29:08.000 How did she get away with it that long?
00:29:10.000 I don't know. 0.99
00:29:11.000 It's a fucking good question. 0.99
00:29:13.000 Her parents outed her, apparently. 0.99
00:29:15.000 Did you look at her look in her eye when the reporter goes inside your desk?
00:29:19.000 You could see where everything just popped in her eye. 0.70
00:29:23.000 She realized, oh no, I've been found.
00:29:26.000 There's a picture of a before and after with her, and the before was when she was identifying as white.
00:29:33.000 She's transracial. 0.93
00:29:35.000 When she was identifying as white, she had freckles and blonde hair, and then all of a sudden she's got that orange-tan thing going on, and like legit black woman, permy-looking hair. 0.99
00:29:47.000 She got her hair permed. 0.57
00:29:49.000 She looks like that waitress at the comedy store. 0.96
00:29:51.000 Yeah, look at that.
00:29:52.000 Look at her hair. 0.62
00:29:53.000 I mean, wow.
00:29:55.000 And she taught at a university level African studies.
00:30:03.000 How does no one know her from her past, besides her parents coming out and saying that?
00:30:08.000 Apparently, her parents had adopted a bunch of brothers and sisters that were black.
00:30:13.000 I think, was that what it was?
00:30:15.000 Four brothers and sisters that were black.
00:30:18.000 And so, somewhere along the line, she appropriated... 1.00
00:30:23.000 Like that they were her family and that she's black.
00:30:26.000 Then she started calling one of them her son or something.
00:30:29.000 Oh boy. 0.99
00:30:31.000 Definitely hotter black though. 0.58
00:30:32.000 Yeah.
00:30:33.000 Hopefully that's a new trend.
00:30:34.000 She looks hot on the right, but that can't be her for real. 0.99
00:30:37.000 That's some Photoshop shit going on. 0.98
00:30:39.000 The whole thing is very, very strange. 0.99
00:30:42.000 It's really strange.
00:30:44.000 But here's what's even stranger.
00:30:46.000 Apparently, look at her hair. 1.00
00:30:48.000 Wonderful.
00:30:50.000 Apparently, out of the founding people, there was 14 founding people of the NAACP, 10 of them were white.
00:30:57.000 There was a lot of white people involved in the NAACP. And maybe this is good about what happens here. 0.99
00:31:03.000 I mean, not that this lady's crazy and she's pretending to be black, but maybe it's good that the conversation gets brought up and people realize that, like, A racial equality movement doesn't have to be all black people and wasn't all black people. 0.62
00:31:16.000 And they're like, her race doesn't have anything to do with how good she is. 0.93
00:31:21.000 They're like, she's really good at her job.
00:31:23.000 She's like really into black people. 0.84
00:31:25.000 That's what it is. 0.98
00:31:26.000 That's what it is.
00:31:27.000 Nothing wrong with that.
00:31:28.000 Some people are really into French history.
00:31:30.000 Some people are, you know what I'm saying?
00:31:32.000 She's like top wig. 1.00
00:31:33.000 Wait, what's the new word?
00:31:35.000 Can you still say that? 0.82
00:31:36.000 You can still say wigger. 1.00
00:31:36.000 Okay. 1.00
00:31:37.000 Top wig.
00:31:37.000 They haven't stolen it from us yet.
00:31:40.000 They haven't robbed us of wigger. 1.00
00:31:42.000 It's so weird.
00:31:43.000 The whole thing is wonderful.
00:31:45.000 It's wonderful.
00:31:46.000 This lady's wonderful. 1.00
00:31:47.000 But meanwhile, apparently she was good at her job.
00:31:50.000 And the NAACP, they were actually saying...
00:31:53.000 Wow, look at her hair there. 1.00
00:31:54.000 Yeah, she went full. 0.99
00:31:55.000 She got cat yarn on her head.
00:31:57.000 She tried to figure it out, like a bunch of different ways of doing it. 0.66
00:31:59.000 That's when she was like, I'm going to get found. 0.99
00:32:01.000 If I keep dyeing my hair black and putting that fucking spray towel out, someone's going to call me. 0.99
00:32:06.000 Why my she eats orange? 1.00
00:32:12.000 The whole thing is amazing.
00:32:15.000 It's amazing.
00:32:16.000 Eyebrows on fleek.
00:32:18.000 She sued school.
00:32:20.000 What?
00:32:21.000 NAACP imposter sued school over race claims.
00:32:27.000 Oh my god. 0.84
00:32:28.000 She masqueraded as a black, as black, once sued Howard University for denying her teaching posts and a scholarship because she was a white woman. 0.98
00:32:38.000 The smoking gun has learned. 0.97
00:32:40.000 Whoa.
00:32:41.000 I'm older than her.
00:32:46.000 Wow.
00:32:46.000 She graduated from the Historically Black College with a Master's of Fine Arts degree.
00:32:51.000 That's so interesting.
00:32:53.000 So in 2002 she sued the school.
00:32:55.000 That is so interesting.
00:32:57.000 And she was teaching somewhere else, right?
00:32:59.000 Was she teaching there or was she teaching somewhere else? 0.97
00:33:01.000 But she was teaching, like, African-related courses.
00:33:06.000 She's just really into Africa. 0.87
00:33:10.000 Imagine, but let's put yourself in her shoes.
00:33:12.000 I'm not saying that transracial is real, okay? 1.00
00:33:15.000 I'm not saying you should be able to just identify with a different race, but if you could, she would be a really good argument for it, right?
00:33:22.000 Okay.
00:33:23.000 She's got black people in her family that she loves dearly, right?
00:33:27.000 She maybe identifies with them.
00:33:29.000 She went to an all-black college. 1.00
00:33:32.000 She was teaching African Studies, and she was running the fucking NAACP! I mean, if anybody could be transracial, that lady was kicking ass at it. 1.00
00:33:44.000 Absolutely. 0.98
00:33:45.000 Right?
00:33:45.000 You gotta say!
00:33:46.000 I'm fucking impressed with what she's done. 0.98
00:33:48.000 Her love of African people, of black people, has let her do an amazing job in several areas. 0.98
00:33:56.000 Right?
00:33:57.000 I want to see what her Facebook page looks like.
00:33:59.000 How does a boyfriend or somebody that she dated not come out and say something?
00:34:03.000 Like, look, this chick is really... 0.99
00:34:04.000 They might not know.
00:34:05.000 She's white.
00:34:05.000 Really?
00:34:06.000 You don't think so?
00:34:06.000 They might not know.
00:34:06.000 No, but you know what?
00:34:07.000 You don't see her in the morning when she's got to put more makeup on and shit? 1.00
00:34:10.000 She hides from you. 1.00
00:34:11.000 Every fucking curtain in her house is closed like Dracula. 1.00
00:34:15.000 She keeps all the lights off. 1.00
00:34:17.000 She kicks you out at night like, look, I can't sleep with anybody.
00:34:19.000 You gotta go.
00:34:20.000 I'm like, this is the greatest chick ever.
00:34:21.000 I don't have to sleep with her.
00:34:23.000 As soon as you leave, you hear the compressors of her tan machine. 1.00
00:34:27.000 She's fucking spraying herself with a big airbrush can like she's fucking detailing a Chevelle. 1.00
00:34:35.000 She had to have gotten spray tanned. 1.00
00:34:37.000 Oh, a hundred fucking thousand percent. 0.99
00:34:39.000 There was a spray tanner somewhere that knew her secret. 0.98
00:34:41.000 You know, that had to bring over the big umbrella thing.
00:34:44.000 The extra jug.
00:34:45.000 Yeah.
00:34:46.000 Well, don't they have a better way of doing that now?
00:34:49.000 How do they do that?
00:34:50.000 They still make you stand and spray it?
00:34:51.000 To make it realistic, that's the best way.
00:34:54.000 I mean, you have the rub-on kind and stuff like that, but you can't usually get it even enough unless you really just spent all day doing it. 0.89
00:35:00.000 How weird are we, not we, because I haven't done it, I don't think you're doing it, that people are going and getting fucking spray tanned. 0.90
00:35:06.000 I mean, that is so insane. 0.96
00:35:08.000 You're going and you're getting dye sprayed all over your body.
00:35:11.000 It stinks, too. 0.99
00:35:12.000 It's just fucking weird. 0.99
00:35:14.000 It's just weird. 0.98
00:35:15.000 And it wears off in like a day.
00:35:17.000 You can get the abs sprayed on it, though.
00:35:20.000 You can?
00:35:21.000 Yeah. 0.99
00:35:21.000 Oh, that's so retarded! 0.99
00:35:23.000 Do people not have time to lay in the sun anymore? 0.98
00:35:26.000 For an hour or two?
00:35:27.000 Maybe they live in Seattle.
00:35:29.000 There's no room.
00:35:31.000 I just know from girls that you're like, oh, I have to have a photo shoot tomorrow, so I have to get spray tanned because I can't tan all day today. 0.94
00:35:38.000 It's a timing thing.
00:35:40.000 I get it, and it's also a skin cancer thing.
00:35:43.000 Some chicks don't want to get skin cancer, you know? 1.00
00:35:46.000 Standing out in the sun is not good for you, apparently. 1.00
00:35:49.000 Which is fucked. 1.00
00:35:51.000 Because you need the sun for vitamin D. Vitamin D, you need vitamin D. The fuck? 1.00
00:35:55.000 I don't put sunscreen on. 1.00
00:35:56.000 I'm out. 0.99
00:35:56.000 I don't give a shit. 0.99
00:35:57.000 You're an animal. 1.00
00:35:58.000 Look at you. 1.00
00:35:59.000 You don't give a fuck. 1.00
00:36:00.000 You do it in spurts. 1.00
00:36:02.000 Little spots.
00:36:04.000 You don't go out there for eight hours at a time. 0.99
00:36:05.000 I used to landscape with no fucking shirt on. 0.98
00:36:07.000 I just did it till I can have a tan. 0.99
00:36:09.000 That's what everybody did back then.
00:36:13.000 Nobody wore sunscreen when we were kids.
00:36:14.000 We put oil on.
00:36:16.000 We did the opposite.
00:36:17.000 We got that oil.
00:36:18.000 We put baby oil on.
00:36:20.000 Especially in Massachusetts.
00:36:23.000 Your summer's a week long.
00:36:24.000 You've got to get it in while you can.
00:36:25.000 Yeah, absolutely.
00:36:26.000 I went up two notches on a scale of one to ten if I had a tan.
00:36:29.000 I went from like a four to a six.
00:36:31.000 So I had like a three-month window where I was a six.
00:36:33.000 I had to try to clean up. 0.99
00:36:35.000 When you're young, especially, you're fucking making moves. 0.99
00:36:38.000 You're like, do I wear the chain? 1.00
00:36:39.000 Should I wear the chain?
00:36:41.000 Hmm...
00:36:42.000 What about cologne?
00:36:44.000 They like it.
00:36:45.000 You should probably try it.
00:36:46.000 Drakkar. 1.00
00:36:47.000 Yeah, I had that shit. 1.00
00:36:48.000 Drakkar Noir, right? 1.00
00:36:50.000 And polo.
00:36:50.000 The green polo.
00:36:51.000 Yeah, the green polo was good. 1.00
00:36:52.000 I had that shit, too. 1.00
00:36:54.000 You know what's a fucking standby? 1.00
00:36:55.000 Old Spice, god damn it. 1.00
00:36:56.000 I still use Old Spice. 0.99
00:36:58.000 It's a dad thing.
00:36:58.000 Old Spice aftershave.
00:37:00.000 Old Spice was good.
00:37:01.000 Especially if you didn't shower, you didn't have time, and just throw it on.
00:37:03.000 Throw a little Old Spice on.
00:37:05.000 Yeah.
00:37:07.000 Take that's kit, you bought them. 1.00
00:37:08.000 Did you hear about that fucking guy that cut some dude's throat? 0.99
00:37:11.000 He was one of those straight rager shaver dudes in a barber shop. 1.00
00:37:16.000 Oh no. 0.97
00:37:17.000 He just sliced this dude's throat and ran away. 0.98
00:37:19.000 Oh no. 0.98
00:37:20.000 Yeah, they caught him and apparently had a history of mental illness.
00:37:22.000 Didn't even know the guy whose throat he cut. 1.00
00:37:25.000 Just slashed this fucking guy's throat. 1.00
00:37:27.000 Shit. 1.00
00:37:28.000 Yeah, the guy lived. 1.00
00:37:29.000 The guy's gonna be okay.
00:37:30.000 Didn't do a good job of thrashing his throat.
00:37:32.000 Missed the big artery or maybe he was able to plug it up, whatever the guy did. 0.99
00:37:36.000 But fucking A, man. 1.00
00:37:37.000 That's like the number one thing that everybody's worried about with those fucking straight razors. 1.00
00:37:41.000 You know, what would happen if I just randomly got a nut and this nut decided to cut my throat? 0.99
00:37:48.000 That's why I go to Dollar Shave Club, Joe.
00:37:50.000 Look at this.
00:37:51.000 Sentenced to barber Thursday to 10 years in prison for inexplicably slashing a customer's throat during a haircut and shave before peddling away on his bike.
00:38:01.000 U.S. Navy Petty Officer Timothy Vaughn, 33, was at Vicks Barbershop in Imperial Beach just south of San Diego for a haircut in October when barber Daniel Roberto Flores calmly slashed a straight razor across Vaughn's throat twice.
00:38:17.000 Whew! 0.99
00:38:18.000 Whoa.
00:38:19.000 Mr. Flores waited until people left the room.
00:38:21.000 Deputy District Attorney Laura Evans said he insisted on trimming the victim's beard. 0.99
00:38:26.000 He said, I could cut your throat. 0.99
00:38:28.000 And then he did. 1.00
00:38:29.000 Ugh.
00:38:30.000 Jesus Christ.
00:38:32.000 I want to know what was leading up to that, though. 0.99
00:38:34.000 Was the guy being a dick? 0.99
00:38:35.000 You know, the petty officer? 1.00
00:38:37.000 Was he just, like, being a jerk the whole time? 1.00
00:38:39.000 He said his training as a medic kicked in. 1.00
00:38:43.000 The guy whose throat got cut and allowed him to save his own life despite severe injury and blood loss.
00:38:48.000 Sid spent hundreds of hours of physical therapy, surgery, and psychiatric treatment trying to recover. 0.99
00:38:53.000 Fucking A, man. 1.00
00:38:56.000 Damn. 1.00
00:38:58.000 They didn't know each other. 1.00
00:38:59.000 There was no conflict or argument before the attack.
00:39:02.000 That's so crazy.
00:39:05.000 That's only ten years in jail.
00:39:07.000 How's that guy going to get fixed?
00:39:09.000 What, are they going to let him out in five if he doesn't kill anybody?
00:39:11.000 How's that going to go? 1.00
00:39:13.000 Like, anybody who does that, you need to kill that person. 0.99
00:39:17.000 You don't put him in jail for ten years. 1.00
00:39:19.000 Are you out of your mind? 0.99
00:39:19.000 Put him in a field in Texas and let Ted Nugent get in a helicopter and shoot at him. 0.99
00:39:24.000 Just shoot him to the pigs. 1.00
00:39:25.000 Take him down to where Ted Nugent is shooting those pigs. 1.00
00:39:28.000 Shoot him in the kneecaps. 1.00
00:39:29.000 Just let the pigs eat him. 1.00
00:39:30.000 Fuck you. 1.00
00:39:31.000 I'd rather watch that. 1.00
00:39:32.000 Yeah, fuck you. 1.00
00:39:33.000 Fuck you. 1.00
00:39:34.000 You can't just do that. 1.00
00:39:35.000 You can't get out of jail in ten years.
00:39:36.000 That's crazy.
00:39:37.000 Ten years is not that much time.
00:39:39.000 Ten years ago was 2005. That's not enough time.
00:39:42.000 To go to jail for trying to kill someone with a straight razor?
00:39:45.000 And I'll probably be out in eight. 1.00
00:39:47.000 Fuck that. 1.00
00:39:48.000 That's ridiculous. 1.00
00:39:51.000 Did you watch Jeff Ross's roast of the criminals? 0.99
00:39:53.000 No, I did not.
00:39:53.000 I heard it was awesome.
00:39:54.000 It's pretty good.
00:39:55.000 I haven't seen it.
00:39:55.000 I heard it was great, though.
00:39:56.000 I love the fact that he did it.
00:39:57.000 I want to talk to him about it, because he wrote a really good thing for the Huffington Post the other day about the system, about the penal system. 0.98
00:40:04.000 Understanding it once you get inside of it and see how fucked up and nightmarish it is. 0.98
00:40:09.000 The girls were pretty hot in there. 1.00
00:40:11.000 Really?
00:40:11.000 Yeah, there was a few really hot ones.
00:40:13.000 No shit. 0.98
00:40:13.000 Yeah, it was kind of weird. 0.98
00:40:14.000 I would imagine there's a lot of crazy bitches that are hot and fuck up and do something stupid and wind up getting locked up. 1.00
00:40:20.000 Makes sense. 1.00
00:40:21.000 Why would you think that girls in prison wouldn't be hot? 1.00
00:40:23.000 I know. 0.59
00:40:24.000 Because, I mean, how many crazy girls have I dated that were one step away from being in jail? 1.00
00:40:29.000 Oh, yeah.
00:40:30.000 You could have gotten a few of them arrested if you were really into it.
00:40:33.000 I have one that just got a friend that just got out after nine months, like a nine and a half on a scale of one to ten. 1.00
00:40:38.000 Ka-pow, motherfucker! 1.00
00:40:40.000 Hot, though? 1.00
00:40:41.000 Yeah.
00:40:41.000 Oh, that's...
00:40:42.000 All right. 0.99
00:40:43.000 Yeah, you get them to the point where they're ready to kill you. 0.99
00:40:46.000 Yeah.
00:40:47.000 And then somehow or another you escape with your life. 1.00
00:40:51.000 Sucks. 1.00
00:40:52.000 But if there was a fucking camera on the wall... 1.00
00:40:54.000 Oh, there's drop cams everywhere nowadays, Joe. 1.00
00:40:59.000 Oh, I got that shit secured. 1.00
00:41:01.000 Goddamn, dude. 1.00
00:41:02.000 I don't know what you're doing. 1.00
00:41:04.000 Everybody gets mad at you.
00:41:08.000 Not doing enough, I guess.
00:41:10.000 Whatever it is. 0.86
00:41:12.000 Do you usually have crazy girls in your life, Jim? 0.96
00:41:15.000 Oh, yeah. 0.81
00:41:16.000 He's a comic.
00:41:16.000 Yeah.
00:41:17.000 Mostly?
00:41:17.000 My whole life.
00:41:18.000 Your whole life.
00:41:19.000 Pretty much, yeah.
00:41:19.000 Was there one that was most crazy?
00:41:22.000 Like, was there a good story to it?
00:41:25.000 A million of them.
00:41:26.000 I'm trying to think.
00:41:27.000 But yeah, you're always attracted to them.
00:41:28.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:41:29.000 I always wanted the crazy one after the show that was dancing on top of the bar, whipping her tits out. 1.00
00:41:33.000 Yeah, that's the one that's going to be fun. 0.99
00:41:34.000 Yeah.
00:41:35.000 Woo-hoo! 1.00
00:41:36.000 But depending upon how crazy the personality is.
00:41:38.000 I met a gypsy the other day. 1.00
00:41:40.000 And remember we talked about gypsies recently?
00:41:42.000 I think we were singing this Cher song.
00:41:44.000 Yeah.
00:41:45.000 But she's a gypsy and she doesn't have a house. 1.00
00:41:47.000 She doesn't have a house. 0.97
00:41:49.000 What does that mean?
00:41:49.000 She just goes from one millionaire's house to another millionaire's house.
00:41:53.000 She's a millionaire gypsy girl? 1.00
00:41:55.000 Yeah.
00:41:55.000 Wow.
00:41:55.000 She just hangs out.
00:41:56.000 She's like, yeah, I just hang out by pools and stuff.
00:41:58.000 There are girls that are like that. 1.00
00:42:00.000 There's guys, I know a guy who's like that.
00:42:02.000 He's always like, he's an older gentleman and he's got quite a bit of money.
00:42:06.000 He's in his 60s.
00:42:07.000 He's never been married and he'll invite like really hot chicks to stay at his place. 1.00
00:42:13.000 And they live with him, all the time.
00:42:14.000 Like, he's always got some new nutty ten that's living with him. 1.00
00:42:17.000 And I'm like, are you fucking here? 0.99
00:42:20.000 He's like, well, I'm trying. 1.00
00:42:21.000 I'm like, Jesus Christ.
00:42:22.000 But he would bring them in.
00:42:24.000 And that was the thing.
00:42:26.000 He would buy them stuff, get them cars, and they could live with him.
00:42:30.000 He was really mismatched, because he's not a good-looking fellow.
00:42:35.000 So he would bring them in, and they would live with him, and he tried super-duper hard to get it.
00:42:40.000 Sometimes you'd get it, but oftentimes it'd just be a disaster.
00:42:43.000 He couldn't get laid, and he's paying for everything, and they're living with him.
00:42:47.000 I would do it.
00:42:48.000 I would have a new guy rule, but I wouldn't buy them cars and stuff, but they can just crash there. 1.00
00:42:52.000 No guy ruler.
00:42:53.000 You can't bring guys over.
00:42:54.000 No guys.
00:42:54.000 Yeah.
00:42:55.000 It sounds like a sugar daddy thing.
00:42:57.000 I had this stripper I used to date. 1.00
00:42:58.000 She had a sugar daddy and she would just buy her all the shit, which is great because I didn't have to buy it. 0.99
00:43:03.000 And then I got to the point where I go, you know what? 1.00
00:43:04.000 Maybe he should start getting me some shit because I'm letting her go out. 1.00
00:43:07.000 He's trying to fuck her, obviously. 1.00
00:43:09.000 So now I'm like, well, I remember it was a VCR. I'm like, well, get me a VCR because I don't want to put up with this shit. 1.00
00:43:13.000 And then she'd come home with a VCR. It's like, I need a VCR. I'm like, beautiful. 0.99
00:43:16.000 I actually went on a date with them in a limo and pretended I was the guy friend and bad mouth myself for an hour in front of this guy.
00:43:23.000 You know that boyfriend of hers? 1.00
00:43:25.000 I go, yeah, he's a real dick. 1.00
00:43:26.000 Oh, my God. 1.00
00:43:28.000 And we went to a mall and I picked out like 20 CDs he bought me.
00:43:31.000 And I think he bought me like a, I forget, it was like a Walkman at the time or something like that.
00:43:34.000 I'm like, yeah, I'll take one.
00:43:35.000 And I'm like, sure, you seem a good dude. 0.99
00:43:38.000 Just fucking bad. 0.97
00:43:39.000 And the guy's holding her hand in the limo and I'm just sitting there like the friend. 1.00
00:43:42.000 I'm like, I don't give a shit. 0.98
00:43:42.000 I'm getting CDs. 0.98
00:43:43.000 Oh, that's hilarious.
00:43:45.000 That's a strong pimp move.
00:43:47.000 I tried to get a TV, but he wasn't going for it.
00:43:51.000 See, a lot of these guys that rock it like this, the reason why they have to is because of prostitution laws. 1.00
00:43:56.000 If prostitution was legal, there's a lot of these older creepazoid dudes that are just out there trying to make it happen. 1.00
00:44:05.000 It's just tough action, you know, unless you're paying for it. 0.94
00:44:08.000 Very tough to get someone to love you for who you are, like if you have these really high standards and you're gross.
00:44:15.000 But if you've got a ton of cash and prostitution's legal, If they just made prostitution legal in America, you'd have exactly the same amount of hoes. 1.00
00:44:24.000 Okay?
00:44:25.000 Exactly the same.
00:44:26.000 Listen to me.
00:44:28.000 More people are not going to be hoes. 1.00
00:44:30.000 Hoes are hoes already. 1.00
00:44:32.000 They're doing it in weird ways.
00:44:34.000 And maybe it'd be better if prostitution was legal so you found out exactly who the hoes are. 1.00
00:44:39.000 Safer?
00:44:40.000 Tax it?
00:44:40.000 Exactly.
00:44:41.000 Tax it.
00:44:42.000 Apple Pay?
00:44:43.000 Exactly.
00:44:44.000 Amazon OneClick?
00:44:45.000 Right.
00:44:46.000 There's nothing wrong with it. 0.63
00:44:47.000 It's just sex. 0.93
00:44:48.000 Is it okay to get a massage? 0.99
00:44:50.000 Yes. 1.00
00:44:50.000 It's okay to pay someone to suck your dick. 1.00
00:44:52.000 It just is. 1.00
00:44:53.000 Yes.
00:44:54.000 It should be.
00:44:55.000 You know? 1.00
00:44:55.000 And these guys shouldn't have to move these fucking girls in. 1.00
00:44:58.000 Buy them cars. 1.00
00:44:59.000 It's rude.
00:45:00.000 Buy the guy friends VCRs.
00:45:02.000 They shouldn't have to do that.
00:45:02.000 I felt bad.
00:45:03.000 Poor bastard. 1.00
00:45:04.000 I'm figuring he's trying to bang my chick. 1.00
00:45:06.000 Right.
00:45:06.000 So at least I should get some gifts out of it.
00:45:08.000 Now, how did you wind up ending this whole relationship?
00:45:12.000 You know, it was a stripper, so it was just... 1.00
00:45:13.000 I mean, with him.
00:45:14.000 I... No, they just...
00:45:16.000 How'd you just get him out of your life?
00:45:19.000 It seems like you would want some return for his investment.
00:45:21.000 No, because he was doing it...
00:45:22.000 He was juggling, like, three different ones, and he just never... 1.00
00:45:25.000 I think he was fucking one, but he wanted to fuck all three. 1.00
00:45:27.000 Of course. 1.00
00:45:28.000 And my chick had boundaries. 1.00
00:45:31.000 Well, she said, when I wasn't around, she said she was...
00:45:34.000 No way, I'm not going to sleep with him, but...
00:45:36.000 That's hilarious. 1.00
00:45:36.000 He bought her tits, too. 1.00
00:45:38.000 She wanted me to buy her tits for like four grand. 1.00
00:45:39.000 I'm like, I'm not buying you tits. 1.00
00:45:41.000 And he bought her tits? 1.00
00:45:42.000 Yeah, he bought her tits, yeah. 1.00
00:45:43.000 Holy shit. 1.00
00:45:44.000 Oh, yeah. 0.99
00:45:44.000 Did you guys go to dinner with this guy? 0.99
00:45:46.000 Just, yeah, we went to dinner just that night.
00:45:48.000 I only met him that one time.
00:45:50.000 Oh, okay.
00:45:50.000 I'd be at the bar, though, because, you know, the sugar daddy always comes in the strip club and sits there.
00:45:54.000 And all the girls come around.
00:45:55.000 I was right across the bar, just sitting there, just watching this guy. 0.99
00:45:58.000 I'm like, I'm fucking that tonight. 0.99
00:45:59.000 Keep giving her money. 0.99
00:46:00.000 Oh, that's so weird.
00:46:00.000 She's taking me to dinner later with that money.
00:46:03.000 That's so crazy.
00:46:04.000 You're that guy. 0.99
00:46:06.000 People always talk about strippers' crazy boyfriends. 0.98
00:46:09.000 That's you. 0.94
00:46:10.000 Yeah.
00:46:11.000 You're the quintessential one.
00:46:11.000 And I was cutting lawns at the time.
00:46:13.000 I was making like eight bucks an hour, and this guy's probably making like 300 grand a year.
00:46:18.000 So that's pimping.
00:46:20.000 You're technically pimping.
00:46:21.000 Yeah.
00:46:22.000 In a way.
00:46:23.000 I mean, not full-on pimping, but that's pretty pimpish.
00:46:27.000 Respect.
00:46:28.000 I really needed a VCR. Yeah.
00:46:30.000 I did.
00:46:30.000 I just...
00:46:32.000 I respect that hustle.
00:46:33.000 I've done the same stuff.
00:46:35.000 I've added things to, when I dated Veronica Ricci, I added things to her Amazon wishlist like Xbox games and stuff.
00:46:44.000 This is a new world.
00:46:45.000 This is a world of Amazon wishlists where girls can say, I want you to buy me stuff. 1.00
00:46:51.000 Like, they have a list where you go and you just buy their shit. 1.00
00:46:54.000 Go buy them shit. 1.00
00:46:55.000 And they go, oh my god, thank you so much. 1.00
00:46:57.000 Really?
00:46:57.000 Thank you so much, Jim Florentine.
00:46:59.000 This jacket is amazing.
00:47:00.000 It's everything I wanted.
00:47:01.000 It's just so nice to have fans like you.
00:47:05.000 You're the best fans in the world.
00:47:07.000 Thank you.
00:47:07.000 Kim Congdon just got an Xbox One.
00:47:10.000 Somebody bought her an Xbox One the other day.
00:47:12.000 She has a wishlist?
00:47:12.000 Is she the only comic with a wishlist?
00:47:14.000 No, no, no.
00:47:14.000 Who's got a wishlist?
00:47:15.000 I tell everyone.
00:47:16.000 Lil' Esther has one.
00:47:17.000 Do you have one?
00:47:18.000 No, I have a Death Squad one that had, like, I used to have one, but the Death Squad Studio one, which was like, oh, I need this mic stand and stuff like that.
00:47:26.000 And people would buy it?
00:47:27.000 Yeah, it was cool.
00:47:28.000 Wow.
00:47:28.000 But little Esther would have one, and I would have access to her wishlist when I dated her.
00:47:34.000 So I'd add all these black dildos and stuff to it.
00:47:38.000 And she would go on the podcast, and she'd be like, guys, I have an Amazon wishlist.
00:47:42.000 Please give me something. 0.99
00:47:43.000 And she didn't know I added all this shit to it. 1.00
00:47:45.000 So she was just getting sent vibrators and anal beads. 1.00
00:47:48.000 And she's like, what's going on? 0.95
00:47:50.000 Did she get upset, or was she happy in the long run?
00:47:53.000 She used them all, I'm sure.
00:47:56.000 Beautiful.
00:47:57.000 Yeah.
00:47:58.000 Yeah.
00:47:59.000 So guy comics do this, too, to have a wish list?
00:48:01.000 No, I've never heard of a guy comic with a wish list.
00:48:03.000 Guys have wish lists.
00:48:04.000 Who?
00:48:05.000 Comic?
00:48:05.000 Yeah, you can look up anybody who has a wish list, really, nowadays.
00:48:09.000 Dude, guy comics that have a wish list, name one.
00:48:12.000 Wow.
00:48:13.000 That's what we're talking about.
00:48:14.000 Tom Segura.
00:48:14.000 Are you too high to have a conversation right now?
00:48:16.000 Tom Segura.
00:48:17.000 Does he?
00:48:18.000 I'm sure he does.
00:48:19.000 Does he?
00:48:20.000 Come on.
00:48:21.000 I'll find one for you.
00:48:22.000 Yeah, find if it's Tom Segura.
00:48:24.000 I highly doubt it.
00:48:25.000 I highly doubt it.
00:48:26.000 I bet Bert Kreischer has one, too.
00:48:28.000 No.
00:48:28.000 I don't think any of them have wishlists.
00:48:31.000 Wishlists where they want you to buy them shit? 0.99
00:48:34.000 Maybe. 0.99
00:48:34.000 That's weird. 0.99
00:48:35.000 Like a struggling comic that has got no money.
00:48:37.000 He's like, hey, if I can get some...
00:48:39.000 Not really?
00:48:39.000 Whatever, if I need something, maybe, but someone that's established.
00:48:42.000 There's no reason for that.
00:48:44.000 I can't even see a struggling comic doing it.
00:48:46.000 Like, what would you want someone to buy you?
00:48:49.000 What are you doing?
00:48:51.000 Tires for your car.
00:48:52.000 The relationship the girl has when she puts up with those Amazon wishlist things. 1.00
00:48:57.000 The relationship is like, look, this is a box where you can mail me shit. 0.99
00:49:01.000 All you have to do is just go through the electronic things right here, press this, click that, and I'll get some shit. 0.99
00:49:07.000 Some money will be missing, but you're not going to notice that. 0.93
00:49:10.000 What you are going to notice is the fact that I'm going to go...
00:49:12.000 Oh my god, thank you.
00:49:14.000 These are exactly the shoes that I wanted, and I was saving up for them, so it meant so much to me.
00:49:21.000 That's all they need.
00:49:22.000 Yeah, absolutely.
00:49:25.000 Thank you, Jim Florentine.
00:49:28.000 I have them on now.
00:49:29.000 Yeah, they do a lot of that, right?
00:49:30.000 Yeah, Tom Segura has one.
00:49:32.000 He has a wish list?
00:49:33.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:49:33.000 Where he's asking people to buy him shit? 1.00
00:49:35.000 Please read the list. 0.99
00:49:37.000 I am shocked!
00:49:39.000 He's got Last Man Standing on DVD. I'm asking him right now.
00:49:44.000 He's got Red State, Grass.
00:49:47.000 He's got a bunch of movies.
00:49:49.000 A Survival's Tale.
00:49:51.000 Wait, this is what he wants from people?
00:49:52.000 I think so.
00:49:53.000 I mean, it's just his wish list.
00:49:55.000 A lot of people have wish lists, but I don't think they pimp them out.
00:49:59.000 Like, hey, here's my wish list.
00:50:00.000 Buy me something.
00:50:01.000 It's more of things that they want to get eventually.
00:50:05.000 I think?
00:50:06.000 You know?
00:50:06.000 I'm asking him, do you have an Amazon wishlist?
00:50:09.000 If so, lose my number.
00:50:11.000 Yeah, actually, he has a few of them, it looks like.
00:50:15.000 He has a few of them?
00:50:16.000 Yeah, let me see if Joey Diaz has one.
00:50:21.000 Joey Diaz does not have a wish list.
00:50:23.000 I bet he does. 1.00
00:50:24.000 It's all shit his wife wants. 1.00
00:50:29.000 That wish list thing is very strange. 1.00
00:50:32.000 What's going to be way stranger is that within two or three decades, we're not even going to have to go to the store to buy shit. 0.94
00:50:40.000 Everything will be sent to you through the internet or it's going to be 3D printed. 0.95
00:50:44.000 That's going to be the vast majority.
00:50:46.000 You think so? 1.00
00:50:47.000 Fuck yeah. 0.99
00:50:48.000 I mean, as long as it makes sense, like size-wise, like you couldn't 3D print a table this big in the machines that most people are going to have in their houses. 0.99
00:50:56.000 But I really believe that there's going to be a time in our lives where people are going to be making most of the stuff that they are going to download instructions and have a fucking printer in their house that prints it.
00:51:07.000 Just like it prints an image, they're going to be able to do that with actual three-dimensional things, like with high certainty.
00:51:16.000 Did you see that new printer where it's like a liquid-based printer where it prints different?
00:51:21.000 It's a different kind of 3D printer technology that they just made where it actually comes from the bottom, and they use like an air, so it pulls the item out of a liquid.
00:51:32.000 It's badass.
00:51:33.000 Yeah, there's a few different methods they use, different ways of heating the little particles, those little pellets that they use to fill.
00:51:40.000 It's a bunch of different methods of doing it.
00:51:42.000 But apparently they're saying that, like, what we're seeing is the infancy. 0.99
00:51:44.000 This is like the Model Ts of these fucking things. 0.99
00:51:47.000 Just like old printers. 0.99
00:51:49.000 You remember those printers?
00:51:53.000 It was super slow and shitty and it was blocky.
00:51:56.000 It never really looked like you would get dark at the top and the bottom would be light. 1.00
00:52:00.000 They were dog shit. 0.99
00:52:01.000 Dot matrix printer. 1.00
00:52:02.000 Now you can get these fucking printers that print photographs on photograph quality paper and it looks like an HD photo. 1.00
00:52:09.000 You're like, holy shit. 1.00
00:52:10.000 I'm looking at a really nice photograph. 0.97
00:52:13.000 You can print it off of a home computer printer. 0.99
00:52:16.000 It's fucking nuts. 1.00
00:52:17.000 Well, they're gonna have that with this 3D shit. 0.99
00:52:19.000 They're gonna have 3D objects, and you're gonna just need the raw materials. 0.94
00:52:23.000 You're gonna have like a jug of aluminum and, you know, a big fucking thing of all the different minerals that you're gonna need to create these things.
00:52:30.000 And then the computer is gonna figure out where to put everything. 0.94
00:52:34.000 It's gonna be nuts.
00:52:35.000 It's gonna be really weird.
00:52:36.000 Real weird.
00:52:38.000 Then they're going to be able to do it with biology. 0.99
00:52:39.000 That's when shit's going to get real weird.
00:52:41.000 If technology continues where they can manipulate biology, and they're pretty close to being able to do that now. 0.97
00:52:49.000 They're doing weird different things.
00:52:51.000 They're splicing different genes and shutting off different genes.
00:52:54.000 If they do that, and then that becomes so commonplace that it starts getting its hand somehow or another in the public.
00:53:02.000 The public gets a hand on it.
00:53:05.000 And the public can manipulate their own DNA. Like, you can have your own, build a pet.
00:53:08.000 Like, you have a machine where you can build a pet.
00:53:11.000 People are gonna make, like, half polar bear, half fuckin' hawk things. 0.96
00:53:15.000 I mean, just imagine how fuckin' bizarre, once people can actually manipulate life and create, like, their own versions of animals and shit, which is gonna be chaos. 0.97
00:53:25.000 Yeah, you just choose the perfect puppy. 0.97
00:53:27.000 Like, I want a Shih Tzu, but I want to have that black on the back and a white in the front, and it just prints it out, and it comes to life immediately. 0.99
00:53:34.000 And if some asshole uses it wrong, can you imagine if you're hanging out in your house and the next door neighbor's house explodes with baboons. 0.99
00:53:41.000 These baboons are running out of his house. 1.00
00:53:44.000 Like this fucking asshole in his printer. 1.00
00:53:47.000 He's making these fucking baboons. 1.00
00:53:49.000 Full grown baboons. 1.00
00:53:50.000 He prints them out.
00:53:51.000 And they just come tumbling out of some chamber that he's got in his basement.
00:53:56.000 That's not a... 0.98
00:53:57.000 I mean, they're going to be able to do some weird shit in a thousand years. 1.00
00:54:00.000 Think about a thousand years ago, the best shit you had was a horse. 1.00
00:54:04.000 That's the best thing. 1.00
00:54:05.000 That wagon behind the horse, I mean, that's okay if you had some shit you had to pull around. 0.99
00:54:09.000 Yeah. 0.97
00:54:09.000 But the horse was the way you got around. 0.97
00:54:12.000 The idea that you could fly a plane, like if you could go back to the 1200s and tell them about air travel, how easy it is to get to Paris, how easy it is, like in a day, you could be in China. 0.99
00:54:23.000 They'd be like, what the fuck are you even talking about, man? 0.51
00:54:26.000 But yeah, you're getting a tube and it flies through the air. 1.00
00:54:28.000 Shut the fuck up. 1.00
00:54:29.000 Just stop. 1.00
00:54:30.000 That's what it's going to be like for us.
00:54:32.000 A thousand years from now, what they're going to be able to do with bodies and with electronics and what they're going to be able to do with technology, it's going to make...
00:54:39.000 We're living in the cave era.
00:54:41.000 We're living in some bizarre, like, static world that we can't manipulate.
00:54:46.000 And that's going to seem ridiculous to people in the future.
00:54:48.000 Will they be able to cure cancer?
00:54:50.000 There's not going to be any diseases.
00:54:51.000 There won't be any?
00:54:52.000 No.
00:54:52.000 So people will live to whatever age?
00:54:54.000 I can't imagine.
00:54:55.000 I think there's going to come a point in time, if you just follow the curve, right?
00:54:59.000 Go back from how quickly people died of illnesses a thousand years ago.
00:55:04.000 How most illnesses that came along that were pretty severe, they'd have a big impact.
00:55:08.000 Like, you could easily lose 20% of the population of your city in some sort of a plague.
00:55:13.000 And they had a bunch of those.
00:55:15.000 A bunch of plagues.
00:55:16.000 They had plagues that wiped out 60-70% of the population.
00:55:19.000 And they had just insane plagues.
00:55:21.000 That doesn't really happen anymore, okay?
00:55:23.000 So just think about all the different medications that scientists have come up with, all the different treatments for diseases that medical biology is constantly evolving and getting better at, figuring out a way to detect things early, and this would be a safer time to be,
00:55:39.000 like, a person who needs medical assistance now than ever before, ever, in human history, by far!
00:55:45.000 There's not even a remote comparison, right?
00:55:48.000 Well, if that keeps going, Where's it going?
00:55:51.000 It's getting better.
00:55:52.000 They're getting better at fixing bodies.
00:55:53.000 They're getting better at fixing bodies and eventually there's going to be genetic manipulation.
00:55:56.000 When those two things combine, it's like the only thing that's going to kill you is trauma.
00:56:00.000 The only thing that's going to kill people is like accidents and things that they can't fix.
00:56:04.000 That's what's going to kill people. 0.98
00:56:05.000 What about heart attacks? 1.00
00:56:07.000 They're going to get to a point where they can fix all that shit. 0.99
00:56:09.000 They're going to be able to reintroduce different genes into your body. 0.98
00:56:13.000 So they'll be able to introduce different genes to your heart that make your heart work different. 1.00
00:56:18.000 They have this fucking shit that they're working on that's spider silk. 1.00
00:56:23.000 It's an artificial human skin that's a hybrid with spider silk. 1.00
00:56:27.000 It's going to be bulletproof.
00:56:29.000 They're going to have bulletproof human skin if this works. 1.00
00:56:32.000 Holy shit! 0.99
00:56:33.000 Exactly! 0.98
00:56:34.000 Like, what they're gonna be able to do a thousand years from now is outside of the realm of anyone's imagination.
00:56:40.000 The history that we study today, when you study Alexander the Great, when you study Genghis Khan, if you had to go back in time that far...
00:56:49.000 The way they lived, you would still kind of understand it.
00:56:52.000 We understand the way they lived.
00:56:55.000 We understand that they rode around on horseback, they got their water from the river, they had to hunt for their food, they had no refrigeration, there's constant war and struggle.
00:57:03.000 We understand that.
00:57:04.000 They still seem like people.
00:57:06.000 But what they're going to be a thousand years from now is going to be nuts. 0.99
00:57:10.000 It's going to be fucking bananas. 0.97
00:57:12.000 Everyone's going to be 20 years old. 0.99
00:57:14.000 There's going to be no disease.
00:57:16.000 And we're going to be freaks.
00:57:18.000 They're going to be able to manipulate your genes.
00:57:19.000 You could be like a half eagle person. 1.00
00:57:22.000 You could run around with feathers growing off your dick. 1.00
00:57:24.000 That's not outside the realm of possibility. 1.00
00:57:26.000 Things are going to get real. 0.99
00:57:27.000 If you have today, like, people, you're allowed to go, I mean, and you should be, you're allowed to go to any one of those body modification places and they put fucking plates in your forehead and stretch your ears out and cut your lips off or whatever nutty shit you want to do. 0.98
00:57:41.000 Why not? 0.99
00:57:41.000 Let them do it. 0.99
00:57:42.000 Who cares?
00:57:43.000 But if you want to be like a half-ego person, Ooh, what? 0.95
00:57:48.000 You're gonna grow talons?
00:57:49.000 You're gonna be half eagle person.
00:57:51.000 Like, we don't even know.
00:57:52.000 Should you be able to live in a city now?
00:57:54.000 That's gonna happen.
00:57:55.000 Half eagle people are gonna be a reality. 1.00
00:57:58.000 So what happens to all the pharmaceutical companies with no more sickness and all that other stuff?
00:58:03.000 It's 20% of our...
00:58:04.000 Oh, Jesus.
00:58:06.000 Oh my God.
00:58:07.000 The lip window.
00:58:09.000 Whoa, that's rough. 0.99
00:58:11.000 Holy shit. 1.00
00:58:12.000 Oh my God, is that real? 1.00
00:58:13.000 Yeah. 0.76
00:58:14.000 Oh my god, that guy's got a hole in the side of his face, like a second mouth, and he sticks his tongue through it. 0.84
00:58:20.000 Oh my god, that's crazy. 0.96
00:58:23.000 Oh, Jesus Christ.
00:58:25.000 How did they drink Kool-Aid?
00:58:26.000 It just comes out their mouth?
00:58:28.000 I guess they have to use a straw. 0.92
00:58:30.000 They must have to drink everything with a straw. 0.98
00:58:33.000 Imagine watching that dummy eat. 0.99
00:58:35.000 Blowjob squirts right back at you. 1.00
00:58:37.000 What is that one in the group down there with that guy?
00:58:40.000 What is going on with him?
00:58:41.000 Oh my Jesus Christ! 1.00
00:58:45.000 Holy shit. 1.00
00:58:47.000 What is he doing? 1.00
00:58:49.000 Look at this nose.
00:58:51.000 He has these giant holes.
00:58:52.000 His nostrils, he's had holes not in the bottom where the nostril hole is, but on the sides.
00:58:58.000 Holes created and then stretched way out to the size of a quarter.
00:59:03.000 So you can see right into his nasal cavity.
00:59:05.000 Then he's got those enormous ear stretchy things, which I've gotten pretty used to.
00:59:09.000 They're so normal now.
00:59:11.000 And then he's got tattoos all over his face and the side of his head and his eyebrows.
00:59:15.000 Jesus. 1.00
00:59:16.000 Fuck, dude. 1.00
00:59:17.000 What happened? 1.00
00:59:17.000 I know. 1.00
00:59:18.000 Who did you wrong, son?
00:59:20.000 Somebody.
00:59:21.000 Remember simpler times where you just had it on the left side, you weren't gay. 0.98
00:59:25.000 The right side, you were gay. 1.00
00:59:26.000 That's all it was.
00:59:28.000 Did anyone that you knew when you were growing up have a facial piercing?
00:59:31.000 Never.
00:59:32.000 No.
00:59:33.000 No, right?
00:59:34.000 I can't think of anybody.
00:59:35.000 No, we had hoops or not hoops.
00:59:38.000 But I mean, did you meet anyone that even had a nose ring?
00:59:40.000 When did you meet someone with a nose ring?
00:59:42.000 Nose ring was college, about 93. Yeah, that's when I saw a chick start. 1.00
00:59:46.000 And then guys too, yeah.
00:59:47.000 I'm trying to figure it out.
00:59:48.000 When I saw my first nose ring...
00:59:50.000 Joe, didn't you have your belly button pierced? 1.00
00:59:52.000 No, it was my dick. 1.00
00:59:54.000 I was going to have it connected to my belly button with like a chain, like a wallet chain. 1.00
00:59:59.000 Did you have an earring?
01:00:01.000 I had two in my left ear.
01:00:03.000 Yeah, I had two in the left, yeah.
01:00:04.000 You couldn't put it in the right.
01:00:05.000 I had a fake diamond that I would wear and a gold hoop.
01:00:09.000 Yep, a gold hoop.
01:00:10.000 It's just pictures of it.
01:00:11.000 Joe, I saw you on Ariane's Instagram wearing the extensions.
01:00:15.000 That was so hilarious.
01:00:16.000 Yeah, I put some of my hair on. 0.99
01:00:19.000 That was funny as fuck. 0.97
01:00:20.000 I think that was actually Megan O'Leavy, the broadcaster, interviewer. 0.99
01:00:25.000 Yeah, I think it was her hair.
01:00:27.000 I don't know whose hair it was.
01:00:28.000 One of those chicks. 1.00
01:00:28.000 That's so funny. 1.00
01:00:29.000 You needed the earrings, though.
01:00:30.000 It helped with getting the chicks. 0.89
01:00:32.000 Yeah.
01:00:32.000 I had long hair, so it was always covered.
01:00:33.000 My dad didn't like it, so I'd take them out when I wasn't around.
01:00:36.000 But he couldn't see it anyway, because my hair was really long.
01:00:38.000 You need some peacock feathers, man.
01:00:40.000 But Bon Scott from ACDC had an earring in each ear, so you're like, wait a minute.
01:00:44.000 Me too.
01:00:45.000 So some guys would go with both. 0.72
01:00:46.000 Like, hey, I'm not, you know, because if it was in the right ear, that meant you were gay. 0.95
01:00:49.000 But if you had them both, he's like, well, Bon Scott had them in both, so I could have them in both.
01:00:52.000 That's a bold move.
01:00:54.000 I know, it was.
01:00:55.000 The both.
01:00:55.000 Eddie Bravo used to do it.
01:00:57.000 I do both also.
01:00:58.000 I could still do it in both.
01:00:59.000 They're both still, they haven't grown together yet.
01:01:01.000 How dare you?
01:01:01.000 It's so weird.
01:01:03.000 Yeah, it's a weird thing.
01:01:05.000 What you're allowed, but it's weird, what you're allowed to and not allowed to.
01:01:08.000 Like, I'm not allowed, me personally, I'm not allowed to hang out with anybody that has eyebrow piercings. 1.00
01:01:13.000 If you're a dude and you have eyebrow piercings, I look at my rules and I go, oh look, I'm so sorry, but I have rules.
01:01:20.000 I don't hang out with any dudes who have eyebrow piercings.
01:01:22.000 I gotta go.
01:01:25.000 I like that rule.
01:01:26.000 That's fair enough.
01:01:27.000 But it's different.
01:01:28.000 Like Cara Santa Maria, who is our friend, is awesome.
01:01:32.000 She's got a lip ring. 0.99
01:01:32.000 And normally I look at people with lip rings and I'm like, what is that dumb shit about? 0.99
01:01:36.000 Why you got metal coming out of your face? 1.00
01:01:38.000 But she can pull it off.
01:01:40.000 Like it just depends on the individual.
01:01:42.000 It doesn't even, I don't even notice that she has a lip ring.
01:01:45.000 It just seems like a part of her.
01:01:47.000 She's so smart and interesting to talk to.
01:01:49.000 It doesn't really kind of affect how you think of her. 0.65
01:01:52.000 But a lot of people, like you meet a girl with a lip ring, like, listen, crazy.
01:01:55.000 What's going on with your face?
01:01:57.000 Huh?
01:01:57.000 What do you got there?
01:01:58.000 Three-ring binder coming out of your fucking lip? 1.00
01:02:00.000 I don't like the pussy pierce, because I feel like I'm going to tear it or rip it or something, and it just... 1.00
01:02:04.000 I don't like it. 1.00
01:02:05.000 That's a strong statement, too, when a girl gets her pussy pierce. 1.00
01:02:09.000 Yeah, I've had a couple. 1.00
01:02:10.000 It doesn't really do anything.
01:02:12.000 I know.
01:02:13.000 It's...
01:02:13.000 Woo!
01:02:14.000 What are you doing down there?
01:02:16.000 Why are you adding hardware?
01:02:18.000 There's one chick at a little barbell. 1.00
01:02:20.000 Ooh! 1.00
01:02:21.000 Was she lifting weights with her pussy? 1.00
01:02:27.000 Well, some girls will do Kegels, you know? 1.00
01:02:29.000 I mean, that's essentially like doing some Bruce Lee dynamic tension exercises for your pussy. 1.00
01:02:33.000 She could masturbate by just tying a kite to it. 1.00
01:02:36.000 You know how Bruce Lee used to do that? 1.00
01:02:38.000 Bruce Lee used to fucking... 0.99
01:02:39.000 He used to do these exercises where he just tensed up. 1.00
01:02:42.000 Girls do that with their pussy. 1.00
01:02:44.000 It works, too. 1.00
01:02:45.000 Well, there's a woman in Russia that can carry weight. 1.00
01:02:47.000 She has the world record for the amount of weight that she can carry with her pussy. 1.00
01:02:50.000 Like, she shoves something up her pussy, clamps down on it, and she can lift weights. 1.00
01:02:54.000 Like, I'm talking, like, fucking heavy weight, like 50, 60 pounds for her pussy. 1.00
01:02:59.000 Yeah, it's like a vice grip in there. 1.00
01:03:01.000 This is a Russian woman. 1.00
01:03:02.000 I wouldn't want my cock in there. 1.00
01:03:04.000 Yes, you probably wouldn't. 1.00
01:03:05.000 First of all, you wouldn't because you wouldn't want to put your cock in the pussy of a woman who's been practicing something like this. 1.00
01:03:11.000 Like, what is wrong with her? 1.00
01:03:13.000 She's not just practicing it.
01:03:14.000 She's entering contests. 0.66
01:03:15.000 It's not like she's at home in the privacy of her own home. 1.00
01:03:19.000 She's got some stuff stuck in her pussy and she's dangling. 1.00
01:03:23.000 It's like a noodle or something. 1.00
01:03:26.000 So she's got it in between her legs. 1.00
01:03:28.000 Okay.
01:03:29.000 So she holds the world record for the amount of weight that she can carry. 0.98
01:03:34.000 I don't know if it's her.
01:03:35.000 Is this her?
01:03:36.000 It's all in Russia. 1.00
01:03:38.000 Oh, so now she's got an actual physical weight that she's hanging from her pussy. 1.00
01:03:41.000 This is insane. 1.00
01:03:42.000 Look at this. 1.00
01:03:44.000 She's picking up this heavy weight with her pussy. 1.00
01:03:46.000 Oh my god. 1.00
01:03:48.000 Ain't nobody got time for this. 1.00
01:03:49.000 She's just letting you know that she will fuck the life out of you. 1.00
01:03:53.000 Yeah, don't come near me. 1.00
01:03:54.000 She's letting you know. 1.00
01:03:55.000 If she gets a hold of you with that super pussy, she's gonna lock onto you and you're gonna have to use 50-60 pounds of force just to get away from her. 1.00
01:04:05.000 That's a fucking statement. 1.00
01:04:07.000 That's one you just try for anal first. 1.00
01:04:09.000 Go right to the ass? 1.00
01:04:10.000 Yeah, just go right to the ass. 1.00
01:04:12.000 I like this better and then we'll get to the pussy. 1.00
01:04:15.000 Could you imagine what kind of ass power she has? 1.00
01:04:17.000 Everyone has ass power. 1.00
01:04:18.000 People are used to clenching in shits, holding in farts. 1.00
01:04:21.000 You know, that's a common thing. 1.00
01:04:23.000 But I don't know, how common is it for girls to actually work on tightening their pussy? 1.00
01:04:27.000 Have you had a girl ever squeeze her asshole muscle while you're in her asshole before? 1.00
01:04:31.000 No. 1.00
01:04:31.000 It's cool. 1.00
01:04:32.000 No, I never did either.
01:04:33.000 Try it.
01:04:34.000 They were just mad I was in there.
01:04:36.000 They were clenching their fists.
01:04:37.000 It's weird.
01:04:38.000 I'm sure. 0.99
01:04:39.000 She's trying to shit you out. 1.00
01:04:42.000 She's trying to cut my dick turn. 1.00
01:04:43.000 It's an analogy for your whole life. 0.99
01:04:47.000 I went through this part where this girl, I dated for a long period of time, was mad at me. 0.99
01:04:51.000 So for a month, she wouldn't let me have vagina sex. 1.00
01:04:54.000 I could only have butt sex. 1.00
01:04:55.000 And you think that sounds awesome, but after the third day, it's just awful. 0.99
01:04:58.000 But that was one thing that she would do all the time.
01:05:00.000 That was her punishment?
01:05:02.000 Yeah, it was a horrible punishment.
01:05:03.000 You think that's a great punishment?
01:05:05.000 That's a horrible punishment.
01:05:06.000 Why was it horrible?
01:05:07.000 Because you don't want to have sex more than three times.
01:05:10.000 You're like, alright, I'm done.
01:05:11.000 I don't want this anymore.
01:05:12.000 So she was, like, trying to play some sort of psychological game?
01:05:15.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:05:15.000 Like, just give you the ass, and then you will never ask for the ass again? 1.00
01:05:17.000 Right. 1.00
01:05:18.000 Hmm.
01:05:19.000 That's the kind of girls that date Brian. 1.00
01:05:21.000 Did it work?
01:05:21.000 That's how they think.
01:05:22.000 Did it work?
01:05:22.000 Yeah, I don't like it anymore, man.
01:05:24.000 It was horrible.
01:05:25.000 And then she'd do that squeezy thing. 1.00
01:05:27.000 She'd do that squeezy thing. 1.00
01:05:28.000 And it just feels like there's, like, something else in there.
01:05:30.000 It's just too tight.
01:05:31.000 It's too sharp corners.
01:05:32.000 It's like the Samsung Edge.
01:05:33.000 How many girls do you think actually, like, work on that? 1.00
01:05:37.000 Do those Kegels?
01:05:38.000 Is that a common thing?
01:05:38.000 Yeah.
01:05:39.000 Especially yoga girls. 0.98
01:05:40.000 Definitely.
01:05:40.000 Yoga girls?
01:05:41.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:05:42.000 Because they're just tightening their pussy all the time in yoga? 1.00
01:05:44.000 And there's like exercises you could do when you're just sitting. 1.00
01:05:46.000 You could also use those balls and stuff like that.
01:05:48.000 But dudes can do that too, right? 0.87
01:05:49.000 That's those for Kama Sutra.
01:05:53.000 You know, the different strategies of...
01:05:56.000 What's that type of...
01:05:57.000 What is that type of...
01:05:59.000 Tantric.
01:06:00.000 Tantric, thank you. 0.99
01:06:01.000 Where you're supposed to hold in your cum. 0.99
01:06:03.000 You're not supposed to have orgasms. 0.99
01:06:04.000 I edge all the time, yeah. 0.81
01:06:05.000 You ever edge?
01:06:05.000 You're supposed to like...
01:06:07.000 Hold. 0.96
01:06:08.000 Hold. 0.96
01:06:08.000 Hold. 0.96
01:06:09.000 Hold. 0.96
01:06:10.000 You're supposed to keep it inside of you.
01:06:11.000 And if you can hold it tight enough, apparently you internally orgasm.
01:06:15.000 Internally.
01:06:16.000 I don't know what that means.
01:06:17.000 I guess you have the same feeling, but it's more intense, but you don't come. 1.00
01:06:21.000 So you're probably also an idiot by the time the third week rolls around. 1.00
01:06:26.000 Right. 1.00
01:06:26.000 All you're thinking about is how fucking horny you are everywhere you go. 1.00
01:06:29.000 Like, Jesus Christ! 0.99
01:06:31.000 Because you haven't come in three or four weeks.
01:06:33.000 It's a terrible idea.
01:06:35.000 That's what people used to do when they didn't have cable.
01:06:38.000 You know, they'd practice different ways to hold in their cum just to make life more interesting. 0.96
01:06:42.000 Just hurry up and cum and watch Game of Thrones. 0.99
01:06:45.000 Just get in there. 0.98
01:06:46.000 I'd rather let it just slide out for a second and go, oh, sorry, you know.
01:06:50.000 Give me a second.
01:06:50.000 I think I heard someone's at the door, so I could regroup.
01:06:53.000 I'm not gonna hold it in.
01:06:55.000 Clench down.
01:06:57.000 That muscle's so weak.
01:06:58.000 Even if you lift weights.
01:07:00.000 Like, you could have, like, the best grip. 1.00
01:07:02.000 You give a guy a fucking manly handshake. 0.99
01:07:04.000 How are you, bud? 1.00
01:07:04.000 Nice to meet you. 1.00
01:07:06.000 You'd be a stud. 1.00
01:07:07.000 But that muscle that controls your dick, every guy's got this weak, just fucking lazy. 1.00
01:07:15.000 It gets tired and fatigued easy. 1.00
01:07:18.000 Like, you can clamp your jaw shut for a fucking hour. 1.00
01:07:20.000 You can fucking... 1.00
01:07:21.000 You clamp your dick. 1.00
01:07:26.000 Try to squeeze down your dick for 20 seconds. 1.00
01:07:28.000 You're ready to black out. 1.00
01:07:30.000 It's just such a weak muscle. 1.00
01:07:32.000 Like, right now, try to squeeze your dick whole muscle. 1.00
01:07:36.000 Can't keep doing it! 1.00
01:07:37.000 I have no endurance on my dick-squeezed muscle. 1.00
01:07:41.000 I wonder if you practice it, would it really get to a point where you could be like the male equivalent to that lady that carries bricks in her pussy? 1.00
01:07:49.000 What is this? 0.99
01:07:50.000 How can men do Kegel exercises?
01:07:54.000 Why would they do that?
01:07:56.000 Halfway through urination, try to stop or slow the flow of urine.
01:07:59.000 I can do that.
01:08:00.000 Yeah.
01:08:01.000 That's possible, but it's not fun.
01:08:03.000 Don't tense the muscles in your buttocks, leg, or abdomen, and don't hold your breath.
01:08:08.000 When you can slow or stop the flow of urine, you've successfully located these muscles.
01:08:13.000 Okay, so don't tense the muscles in your buttocks, legs, or abdomen, and don't hold your breath.
01:08:18.000 Okay, so you have to figure out how to stop the pee from the middle. 0.99
01:08:24.000 Instead of squeezing your butt, like if you had to stop peeing in the middle of peeing, you would clamp your butt shut, you would squeeze down your dick, and you would try to stop the stream. 0.98
01:08:32.000 What they're saying is, don't tense the muscles in your butt, your legs, or your abdomen, and don't hold your breath. 0.99
01:08:39.000 That you could actually just develop a squeeze that could stop pee from coming out without moving anything else but your dick muscles. 0.99
01:08:48.000 I can't believe we're talking about this. 1.00
01:08:49.000 Can you flick your dick up and hit your belly? 1.00
01:08:51.000 Like when it's hard, can you like flick it? 1.00
01:08:53.000 Are we going to ask... 1.00
01:08:56.000 Really ridiculous questions that are stupid as fuck now. 1.00
01:08:59.000 But can you do that? 1.00
01:09:00.000 Can you move your dick? 1.00
01:09:01.000 Who knows, Brian? 1.00
01:09:02.000 No one's sitting around moving their dick. 1.00
01:09:03.000 You need hobbies. 1.00
01:09:04.000 Without your hands?
01:09:05.000 Yeah, just flick it up.
01:09:07.000 What?
01:09:07.000 You can't do it.
01:09:08.000 Yeah. 0.99
01:09:08.000 Nah, my balls weigh mine down, so it's not going to go up. 0.99
01:09:11.000 Yeah, I can flick it. 0.99
01:09:12.000 I could just sit there and just be like, if it's hard, I could just flick my stomach.
01:09:16.000 Everybody can do that, dude.
01:09:17.000 He just said he can't.
01:09:18.000 He doesn't know what you're talking about.
01:09:20.000 He doesn't know what you're talking about. 1.00
01:09:22.000 It's so ridiculous. 0.99
01:09:23.000 He's like, I can whistle. 0.98
01:09:25.000 Remember when you're five and your friend first learned how to whistle?
01:09:27.000 I can whistle.
01:09:28.000 Can you whistle? 1.00
01:09:29.000 Everybody can fucking whistle. 0.99
01:09:30.000 Alright, dude? 1.00
01:09:31.000 Yeah, I could smack my belly down.
01:09:32.000 Every guy who has a hard-on can do that. 1.00
01:09:35.000 If your dick gets hard, you tense it up, it hits your stomach. 1.00
01:09:38.000 That's how it's designed. 1.00
01:09:39.000 You're like, my mouth shuts when I want to.
01:09:42.000 If I want to close my mouth, I just do this and I close it.
01:09:44.000 But you didn't even know how to do that.
01:09:46.000 Can you flip a grape in your mouth?
01:09:51.000 What?
01:09:53.000 You, like, flip it. 1.00
01:09:54.000 You put a grape on the head of your dick. 1.00
01:09:56.000 And then flip it up. 1.00
01:09:57.000 You do that.
01:09:57.000 I can do that.
01:09:58.000 You've never done that.
01:09:59.000 I've done that.
01:10:00.000 Definitely done that.
01:10:00.000 You've done that.
01:10:01.000 You put a grape on your dick and flipped it in your mouth. 1.00
01:10:04.000 I don't believe you. 1.00
01:10:04.000 No, I didn't get it in my mouth. 1.00
01:10:06.000 I said try to flip it in your mouth. 0.99
01:10:08.000 How far does it go up?
01:10:10.000 First of all, I don't believe that at all, because I believe that if you did start it and you got close to your mouth, you would keep flipping it into your face until you caught it in your mouth.
01:10:18.000 Are you just disagreeing with me so I'll show you?
01:10:20.000 No, Joe, I can do it.
01:10:21.000 Why?
01:10:21.000 Can you put it on your helmet and flip it up?
01:10:23.000 Yeah.
01:10:24.000 Did you get brain damage this weekend or something?
01:10:25.000 Totally.
01:10:26.000 It's not smoking.
01:10:27.000 For real?
01:10:27.000 Is there something wrong with you?
01:10:28.000 You seem like there's really something wrong with you today.
01:10:30.000 Really?
01:10:31.000 Are you serious? 1.00
01:10:32.000 Your sentences are so ridiculous. 0.99
01:10:33.000 Dude, it's because I'm very not smoking cigarettes. 0.98
01:10:36.000 I slipped with a patch and I forgot to take off.
01:10:38.000 Yeah, you can't leave those on.
01:10:39.000 They kill you.
01:10:40.000 Those things give you heart attacks. 0.81
01:10:41.000 Throw that out, though. 0.51
01:10:42.000 Don't leave that on my table, you creep.
01:10:44.000 Is that real why that you can't sleep with it?
01:10:46.000 Yeah, you're not supposed to sleep with them.
01:10:48.000 It's intense.
01:10:48.000 Isn't that true?
01:10:49.000 I'm pretty sure.
01:10:49.000 I'm pretty sure you're supposed to take those off.
01:10:51.000 There's like a bunch of different rules to those things.
01:10:53.000 You can't have too many of them.
01:10:54.000 People have put like four or five of them on and died. 0.99
01:10:58.000 You gotta be fucking careful. 0.98
01:11:01.000 Those patches, especially, they vary in strength. 0.98
01:11:04.000 You're supposed to wean yourself off to a lighter and lighter patch.
01:11:07.000 This is the lightest one. 0.98
01:11:07.000 It just seems fucked up to me. 0.98
01:11:09.000 The Nicorette gum makes the most sense. 0.99
01:11:11.000 It's the grossest.
01:11:12.000 You taste nicotine. 0.80
01:11:13.000 It makes me puke.
01:11:14.000 I'll literally puke if I have the nicotine gum or the mints.
01:11:18.000 It has this weird nicotine I like Marc Maron's strategy.
01:11:23.000 He just keeps chewing the nicotine gum.
01:11:25.000 He's been on the nicotine gum for like 10 years.
01:11:26.000 His boss is the same way, Rich Voss.
01:11:28.000 Yeah, he's been Nicorette gum for years.
01:11:30.000 I think Maron's actually done with the gum now.
01:11:32.000 Is he?
01:11:32.000 I think he's completely free of it.
01:11:34.000 Good for him. 1.00
01:11:34.000 That's a hard fucking monkey to kick. 1.00
01:11:36.000 That cigarette monkey seems like, to me, out of all the things that I've seen people kick, cigarettes seems to be the toughest. 1.00
01:11:43.000 That's not the toughest, the consequences of going back on it, because if you see a guy, he's got a heroin problem, and he kicks it, and then he goes back on heroin, he's all fucked up, his life's a mess. 0.92
01:11:52.000 But if you see a guy who kicks cigarettes and comes back, he's just smoking a cigarette, you know? 0.95
01:11:56.000 He's like, ah, I quit for a little while, I couldn't fuck, but he's still right there talking to you, you know what I'm saying? 0.98
01:12:01.000 It's not like someone who quits something, something like meth or something fucking crazy that ruins your life. 0.99
01:12:05.000 Really quick. 0.72
01:12:07.000 Cigarettes is a nice slow burn.
01:12:09.000 But if you take that out of it, and you look at it objectively, like how many people do you know that were former drug addicts?
01:12:14.000 A lot.
01:12:15.000 I know a lot.
01:12:16.000 A lot of dudes who had problems with drugs.
01:12:19.000 How many dudes do I know that had a problem with cigarettes?
01:12:23.000 And did successfully kick it.
01:12:25.000 Not that many.
01:12:27.000 Only a few. 1.00
01:12:28.000 I know a lot of people that struggle with that shit. 1.00
01:12:31.000 Hardcore. 1.00
01:12:32.000 You struggle with it hardcore.
01:12:34.000 Ari still says he gets cravings for it. 0.99
01:12:36.000 He kicked it a long fucking time ago. 0.99
01:12:38.000 Duncan still gets cravings. 0.99
01:12:41.000 He'll still have a cigarette every now and again. 0.96
01:12:43.000 Joey will allow himself a cigarette every now and again, which I think is super fucking dangerous.
01:12:48.000 Joey actually, doesn't he always smoke those e-cigarette things all the time?
01:12:52.000 Sometimes he does, but you remember back in the day he would allow himself a cigarette every now and then? 1.00
01:12:56.000 Fuck it. 1.00
01:12:57.000 Whatever. 1.00
01:12:57.000 I'm gonna have a cigarette. 1.00
01:12:58.000 He's just sitting there smoking a cigarette.
01:13:00.000 But he had enough willpower to not go buy a pack and not keep going.
01:13:05.000 But, um, that seems to be, like, as hard a kick as anything. 0.99
01:13:09.000 Because it seems to be, like, when people are, like, the heroin thing, and, like, people have, like, severe pill problems, like, they look at those pill problems like, fuck, I hope those things don't get me again. 1.00
01:13:21.000 You know, if they get off of them, they look at them like, fuck, like, that's, these fucking pills, man. 0.99
01:13:25.000 People don't look at cigarettes that way. 1.00
01:13:26.000 They look at it, it's a much more casual thing, because it kills you so slowly.
01:13:30.000 Cigarettes though has killed coffee for me.
01:13:33.000 Like right now this coffee is horrible and I used to love coffee.
01:13:36.000 I don't even want to drink this coffee now.
01:13:38.000 What are you talking about?
01:13:39.000 Just because the whole cigarette and coffee thing together is kind of made what coffee was in my head.
01:13:45.000 So now just this by itself, it's awful.
01:13:47.000 Plus your taste buds are probably coming back now without the smoke.
01:13:50.000 That's a big part of it, dude. 0.99
01:13:52.000 Your taste buds get really fucked up with cigarettes apparently. 0.99
01:13:56.000 Yeah, I haven't noticed that. 0.99
01:13:57.000 I've just noticed zero energy.
01:13:58.000 Like, I can't stop sleeping right now.
01:14:00.000 Which is so weird to me that, like, chefs would smoke cigarettes.
01:14:04.000 Like, I don't understand that.
01:14:05.000 Like, Anthony Bourdain used to smoke.
01:14:07.000 He quit.
01:14:07.000 It's the cigarette break.
01:14:09.000 Yeah, but it's still, like, if you're smoking cigarettes, how do you know exactly what things taste like if it numbs your taste buds?
01:14:15.000 I don't know how accurate that really is because I've quit before for like a year and I've never noticed anything with the taste or the smells as at least that drastic of something.
01:14:25.000 Hmm.
01:14:26.000 I think that's a pretty commonly known thing.
01:14:30.000 Yeah, definitely.
01:14:31.000 The taste buds come back, all of a sudden, food that you like, that you don't like anymore.
01:14:34.000 Yeah, I don't think...
01:14:35.000 I mean, it probably varies.
01:14:36.000 I mean, maybe it doesn't affect you the way it affects other people.
01:14:39.000 Like, you think you have a pretty good sense of taste while you're smoking cigarettes?
01:14:42.000 I used to.
01:14:43.000 I've noticed that my taste...
01:14:44.000 Like, I don't really taste things as much anymore, but I think that's just because I'm old.
01:14:50.000 Your taste buds are broken?
01:14:52.000 That doesn't even make sense.
01:14:53.000 They start dying, don't they, when you get older?
01:14:55.000 So we're self-diagnosing again.
01:14:56.000 We did this the other day.
01:14:57.000 Dr. Ryan. 1.00
01:14:58.000 Yeah, I think that when you're smoking cigarettes, I think it's killing all sorts of shit in your throat. 1.00
01:15:04.000 And the fact that it fucks with your taste buds, it's not surprising. 1.00
01:15:07.000 You're smoking your taste buds. 0.97
01:15:09.000 Your taste buds are in your mouth. 1.00
01:15:10.000 You're flooding your mouth with poisonous fucking smoke. 1.00
01:15:14.000 Do you still smoke? 1.00
01:15:15.000 No.
01:15:15.000 I stopped at like 25. Smoked about seven years.
01:15:18.000 It's a hard one to quit.
01:15:20.000 One of the hardest ones to quit and way more common than all those other ones.
01:15:25.000 One like heroin or meth.
01:15:27.000 It's way more common that people smoke cigarettes than do meth.
01:15:31.000 And I smoked for 25 years.
01:15:33.000 Yeah.
01:15:33.000 And you said you're up to...
01:15:34.000 I only smoked like eight cigarettes a day.
01:15:36.000 I wasn't a big smoker.
01:15:36.000 You said two packs?
01:15:37.000 I was up to two packs the last six months.
01:15:39.000 You were?
01:15:40.000 Yeah, that's why I quit. 0.90
01:15:41.000 Because I was like, this is ridiculous.
01:15:42.000 I'm smoking two packs a day now.
01:15:43.000 And I would be like, why am I smoking so much?
01:15:45.000 And it was...
01:15:46.000 Why are you smoking so much? 0.91
01:15:47.000 Just, I think, all the crap that's happened in, like, the last six months, so... 0.94
01:15:50.000 That's a lot of cigarettes, dude. 0.85
01:15:52.000 A lot of stress.
01:15:53.000 So you stopped, and now nothing.
01:15:56.000 Right, except this patch.
01:15:59.000 But no cigarettes at all, for how long?
01:16:01.000 Seven days.
01:16:02.000 Whoa.
01:16:03.000 And what do they say you have to get over?
01:16:04.000 What's the hump?
01:16:05.000 They have, like, a list that's on the internet that shows you, like, you know, from, like, day two and three of quitting, this happens, and then a week, and I think it's...
01:16:13.000 Maybe three months if that list goes to like and after the third month you'll have 98% less of a heart attack chance and really and you're going to grow better fingernails I forget what the list said, but it was involving taste and smells.
01:16:28.000 Are you really gonna stick with it this time?
01:16:30.000 I don't know. 0.99
01:16:31.000 Wow, that's not a strong fucking... 0.98
01:16:33.000 I know. 0.98
01:16:33.000 That's not a definitive statement. 0.98
01:16:35.000 I'll tell you one thing, Joe.
01:16:36.000 Being at the Comedy Store has been really rough because that place, for some reason, you can still smoke on the patio and everywhere, almost.
01:16:44.000 Well, because it's outside.
01:16:45.000 Yes.
01:16:45.000 Well, all the other bars, you can't even smoke on patios anymore, but I think because it's an old place.
01:16:50.000 Maybe you should shut the fuck up so they don't get raided. 0.99
01:16:52.000 No, they know. 1.00
01:16:54.000 But...
01:16:55.000 But it's so much smoke.
01:16:57.000 Everyone smokes.
01:16:58.000 So you get secondhand smoke.
01:17:01.000 Well, I just can't stop thinking about it.
01:17:03.000 So when you go there now, what do you do?
01:17:06.000 I'm just dead inside.
01:17:08.000 I don't know.
01:17:09.000 Here's the thing.
01:17:10.000 Yeah, isn't that crazy?
01:17:11.000 After 20 minutes, your blood pressure drops to normal.
01:17:14.000 Pulse rate drops to normal.
01:17:15.000 Temperature in hands and feet increase to normal.
01:17:18.000 8 hours.
01:17:19.000 Carbon monoxide levels in blood drops to normal.
01:17:22.000 Wow, it takes 8 hours.
01:17:23.000 48 hours.
01:17:24.000 Nerve endings start regrowing.
01:17:26.000 Oh my god, nerve endings.
01:17:28.000 Ability to smell and taste is enhanced.
01:17:30.000 Just 48 hours outside of cigarettes.
01:17:32.000 See, there you go.
01:17:33.000 The 60s, doctors were saying cigarettes are good, take them, smoke them, doing commercials for them.
01:17:37.000 I think it was earlier than the 60s, but...
01:17:39.000 Maybe 50s, right?
01:17:40.000 It was in that J. Edgar Hoover movie.
01:17:43.000 In the J. Edgar Hoover movie...
01:17:45.000 What's his name? 0.99
01:17:46.000 What the fuck's his name? 1.00
01:17:47.000 Leonardo DiCaprio. 0.99
01:17:49.000 It's J. Edgar Hoover.
01:17:50.000 And his mother is talking to him about the doctor prescribing cigarettes for him.
01:17:53.000 Like, to man him up.
01:17:56.000 Doctor!
01:17:57.000 I've been doing commercials.
01:17:58.000 Yeah, I see the ads.
01:18:00.000 Cigarettes are good for you.
01:18:01.000 Smoke them.
01:18:02.000 Look at that.
01:18:02.000 Five years.
01:18:03.000 Stroke risk reduced to that of a non-smoker.
01:18:06.000 Five years, though.
01:18:07.000 Still, though, that's great.
01:18:09.000 A risk of cancer of the mouth, throat, esophagus is half that of a smoker in five years.
01:18:13.000 Just five years.
01:18:14.000 That's great.
01:18:16.000 In 10 years, precancerous cells are replaced.
01:18:19.000 Lung cancer death rate is about half the rate of a smoker in 10 years.
01:18:23.000 Life expectancy comparable to a non-smoker if you quit for 10 years.
01:18:27.000 That's beautiful.
01:18:29.000 Smoker or a non-smoker that works at a paint factory.
01:18:32.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:18:32.000 That guy's way more fucked. 1.00
01:18:33.000 Or black mold in a... 1.00
01:18:35.000 Yeah. 0.99
01:18:36.000 People that work in, like, fucking plants and factories, like, especially back before they knew what killed you and what didn't kill you, like, yeah, a lot of people got a fucking real bad deal. 0.98
01:18:45.000 Like, they found out about that asbestos because a bunch of dudes got cancer from asbestos, you know, from working on it. 0.99
01:18:51.000 They used to have that asbestos, uh, remember that shit? 0.98
01:18:54.000 They used to use for insulation? 0.99
01:18:55.000 Yeah, for all the old houses, yeah.
01:18:57.000 Yeah.
01:18:57.000 Houses were filled with cancer.
01:18:59.000 Yeah.
01:19:00.000 My buddy used to work on these old buildings in New York in the 80s, just as like a construction guy or whatever.
01:19:05.000 He needs a new lung now.
01:19:06.000 He's on a lung transplant list. 1.00
01:19:07.000 From all that shit, just dumping shit in the garbage and destroying and ripping off walls and stuff like that. 1.00
01:19:13.000 Well, you know, Donna Summer died from lung cancer, I'm pretty sure, and she died because she lived near where the towers fell. 0.99
01:19:20.000 A lot of people that lived where the towers fell, including a lot of the firemen, a lot of the people that rescued people, EMT officers, all the people that worked in that area, there's a lot of people that got sick. 0.97
01:19:34.000 And Donna Summer apparently lived, she had an apartment that was pretty close to that area, and just the shit that was in the air... 0.99
01:19:40.000 I mean, you can only imagine a giant fucking building. 0.99
01:19:43.000 That's, what was it, 100 stories or something like that? 0.99
01:19:46.000 Collapses.
01:19:46.000 Another one collapses right next to it.
01:19:48.000 All the fucking dust and shit. 1.00
01:19:50.000 A building that's built in the early 70s, so I'm sure they use asbestos. 1.00
01:19:54.000 But then, of course, I was at the EPA or something, came in after like the third day, said the air quality's fine.
01:19:59.000 It's harmless. 0.98
01:20:00.000 And everybody just worked there and just hung out and did charity work and shit. 0.93
01:20:03.000 I was down there helping move boxes and shit like that because they were like, all right, I guess the air's okay. 0.98
01:20:08.000 All those first arrivers, all the people, like the EMT people and the fire people, and a lot of those guys get sick. 0.97
01:20:15.000 A lot of cops got sick.
01:20:16.000 A lot of people that live there that try to come back early, they got sick.
01:20:20.000 It just only makes sense.
01:20:22.000 I mean, you're not going to have spring fresh air when two enormous buildings fall.
01:20:27.000 So that just got declassified the other day.
01:20:30.000 Do you know if there's any new...
01:20:31.000 Some of it, but there's still a lot missing.
01:20:33.000 The 9-11 reports?
01:20:34.000 Yeah.
01:20:36.000 What do you think happened?
01:20:38.000 I think exactly what they tell us.
01:20:40.000 Exactly what they tell us.
01:20:41.000 Pretty much.
01:20:41.000 Two dudes in box cutters, took over an airplane, flew it into the Twin Towers.
01:20:45.000 What do you think happened?
01:20:47.000 Pretty close.
01:20:50.000 I think most likely, almost exactly like they're telling us, except for...
01:20:58.000 Well...
01:21:00.000 I think they capitalized on an event, and I think that's why it looks like they set it up.
01:21:05.000 I think that's one of the reasons why people have so much of a vested interest in trying to prove some sort of a conspiracy with the government in 9-11.
01:21:14.000 It's because there's so much profit that was made off those wars, especially the war to Iraq.
01:21:19.000 Forget about what happened at 9-11 and who caused that, but it's the reaction.
01:21:26.000 That's the craziest thing ever.
01:21:28.000 The craziest thing is how we just decided to go to war with Iraq, a country that had nothing to do with it. 0.99
01:21:33.000 And then Halliburton's getting these billion-dollar contracts. 0.98
01:21:36.000 They're blowing shit up left and right. 0.68
01:21:39.000 That had nothing to do with 9-11. 0.99
01:21:43.000 That's like...
01:21:44.000 Someone in, like, Marina Del Rey, you know, picking a fight with you so you nuke Canada. 1.00
01:21:51.000 Like, it's really that fucked up. 0.99
01:21:53.000 It doesn't make any sense at all. 0.99
01:21:55.000 They're totally different countries, totally unrelated. 0.97
01:21:59.000 And that's the most fucked up thing about it, is what they definitely did. 0.96
01:22:04.000 Like, the idea that it was planned, that it was like, they flew through, that's like so complicated. 0.97
01:22:09.000 Like, I don't know if they really are even capable of doing that.
01:22:12.000 I don't know if there's a group in the highest levels of government that's capable of hiring so many people to keep their mouths shut, so many people to engineer this thing, where you're gonna fly planes in the buildings, you're gonna...
01:22:23.000 Are there people with box cutters?
01:22:25.000 Are there Saudi guys that are on those planes? 1.00
01:22:27.000 Are they a fucking hologram? 0.99
01:22:29.000 How do you cover all that? 1.00
01:22:30.000 How do you cover the news story?
01:22:31.000 How do you make sure that nobody keeps their mouths shut? 1.00
01:22:33.000 How do you make sure that no bad motherfucker on the plane doesn't chuck Norris these fucking terrorist dudes in the head and take over the plane? 1.00
01:22:39.000 How do you stop all that from happening? 1.00
01:22:42.000 It seems to me that a lot of fucking people would have to be involved. 0.98
01:22:46.000 And one person's going to talk, absolutely. 0.99
01:22:48.000 Someone's going to fucking talk. 0.99
01:22:49.000 If they wired that building for explosives, nobody saw them coming in. 0.99
01:22:52.000 There's no video of anybody.
01:22:54.000 At 2 o'clock in the morning, what about the janitor that mops up?
01:22:57.000 Didn't see some guys?
01:22:58.000 Because they say, you know, the way it came down, it had to be explosives inside.
01:23:03.000 Yeah, the one that's crazy is Tower 7. That's the crazy one.
01:23:07.000 Because that was the one that wasn't hit by a plane.
01:23:09.000 Yeah.
01:23:09.000 But what freaks me out is not that...
01:23:13.000 That they had to have explosives to detonate a building and make it collapse like that.
01:23:19.000 I don't buy that. 0.99
01:23:20.000 Because I don't think we've ever seen a fucking building that big collapse. 0.99
01:23:23.000 How do you know? 0.99
01:23:24.000 Once it starts going... 0.97
01:23:26.000 First of all, what about the possibility that they used shitty engineering and terrible fucking concrete and the unions were involved and they fucking half-assed that giant building and it fell apart when a plane hit it? 0.98
01:23:39.000 That seems like the more likely scenario. 0.98
01:23:42.000 But that Tower 7 just goes like this.
01:23:44.000 That's the one that's the most crazy because it looks like an implosion.
01:23:48.000 But apparently it was on fire.
01:23:50.000 And apparently, you know, the entire building had like some sort of a, underneath the basement, they had some sort of a diesel generator.
01:23:59.000 So they had these giant drums of diesel and it all caught on fire.
01:24:03.000 So it was a raging inferno inside the building. 0.97
01:24:06.000 And some people think that compromised the steel and made it collapse like that, but it looks like a fucking controlled demolition. 0.95
01:24:12.000 That's the one that really looks like it. 0.89
01:24:13.000 The Twin Towers look like the top fell off and the whole thing just exploded from the weight.
01:24:19.000 And when you see all those buildings that are shooting out that they say is reminiscent of explosions...
01:24:25.000 Yes, but you know that the top of the building is coming down and crushing all those floors.
01:24:31.000 That's how the thing is getting crushed, right?
01:24:33.000 What is that?
01:24:34.000 That's pressure.
01:24:35.000 What happens when you have pressure?
01:24:36.000 Windows explode.
01:24:38.000 Everyone knows that.
01:24:39.000 So if you slow something down and you're showing these windows exploding because the top is collapsing on the building and you're saying that's evidence of bombs, No, it's not.
01:24:48.000 No, it's not.
01:24:48.000 It's evidence of explosions that are happening because of compression.
01:24:52.000 There's a lot of things going on in that building. 0.99
01:24:54.000 That building is fucking collapsing. 0.98
01:24:56.000 It's fucking billions of pounds of metal and concrete, and it's all falling apart. 0.99
01:25:01.000 Like, you're looking at these little slow-motion things and saying that's definitely bombs. 0.99
01:25:05.000 It's not definitely bombs.
01:25:07.000 It could be bombs.
01:25:08.000 It's not definitely bombs, though. 1.00
01:25:10.000 It's more likely that that fucking building's falling apart. 0.98
01:25:13.000 Supposedly, when they built it, they had it where it was going to come straight down if there was ever, I don't know, a hurricane or something like that or an earthquake. 0.99
01:25:19.000 Yeah, that's what I remember seeing a documentary on the trade centers getting built in case they didn't want to just fall over and wipe out six streets.
01:25:27.000 That is smart if you think about it.
01:25:29.000 So they built it like that in case a big hurricane or an earthquake came and would just wipe out a bunch of blocks.
01:25:37.000 So they built it like that that would fall straight down like that.
01:25:39.000 I don't know how they did it, but, I mean, that's what they said in a documentary. 1.00
01:25:44.000 Fuck! 0.98
01:25:44.000 I would like to see that documentary, because could you imagine if that plane slamming into the building caused that design to kick into effect, and that's why it collapsed? 0.98
01:25:54.000 Either way, man, that's the only time in our lives and in the history of the continental United States that it's been attacked. 0.52
01:26:02.000 You know, that's one of the most fucked up things about us in comparison to the rest of the world. 0.99
01:26:08.000 Everybody's been attacked a fucking million times! 1.00
01:26:11.000 I mean, just look at all the shit that's happened in Mexico. 1.00
01:26:13.000 Just in Mexico. 1.00
01:26:15.000 Just fucking Cortez coming over here and killing like a fucking million people. 1.00
01:26:19.000 All the crazy Aztecs that were killing people. 1.00
01:26:21.000 I mean, there's a lot of attacks and invasions and shit that happened just in Mexico. 1.00
01:26:26.000 Germany's been fucking attacked. 0.99
01:26:28.000 Russia's been attacked. 1.00
01:26:29.000 Everybody's been attacked.
01:26:30.000 England's been hit with bombs from the Nazis.
01:26:33.000 Everybody got attacked. 0.98
01:26:34.000 There's spots in France that are so fucked up to this day that you can't go in them for like a hundred thousand years. 0.94
01:26:40.000 They have like a red zone where they have this fenced up zone in France. 0.97
01:26:43.000 Really?
01:26:44.000 All from the munitions.
01:26:45.000 All from unexploded munitions and the toxins.
01:26:48.000 Just from World War II. Dude, it's nuts.
01:26:52.000 Pull up that article, too, because it was a recent article, photos of France's red zone.
01:26:57.000 It was amazing.
01:26:59.000 I sent it to Dan Carlin, who's this guy who has this podcast called Hardcore History, and he's got this insane series on World War I and how fucked up World War I was, and this is a part of that. 0.97
01:27:10.000 All these munitions and all this bomb shit.
01:27:13.000 It's an area the size of Paris, and you can't even go near it. 0.99
01:27:17.000 Wow.
01:27:17.000 Do you find it?
01:27:18.000 Check this shit out. 1.00
01:27:19.000 It's fucking nuts, man. 1.00
01:27:23.000 This is all from the war, and it's- well, this is like- there's really good pictures of the actual place. 0.99
01:27:30.000 What's that?
01:27:31.000 Yeah, right?
01:27:32.000 It looks like a zombie movie.
01:27:33.000 Yeah.
01:27:34.000 Yeah, you can't go anywhere near it. 0.98
01:27:36.000 There's like a fence, and then inside that fence, it's fucking no man's land. 0.96
01:27:40.000 You just can't get in there. 0.99
01:27:41.000 They bombed that place literally to hell.
01:27:44.000 And they had all these- look at that. 1.00
01:27:46.000 This is all the shit they're finding there. 0.99
01:27:48.000 They have these animals that live there, and they did tests on the animals, like the wild hogs, and they were filled with toxins. 1.00
01:27:56.000 All these horrible fucking chemicals from these explosives, and what did explode, and what leaked into the soil, and they used gas, and I mean, this is a nutty fucking time. 0.99
01:28:07.000 Look at all the fucking bombs they found. 0.99
01:28:10.000 Just laying in a field. 1.00
01:28:14.000 That was when war was war, man. 0.97
01:28:16.000 This Dan Carlin thing, if you don't know anything about World War I, I didn't know shit about World War I. This Dan Carlin piece that he's got right now, it's amazing. 0.60
01:28:27.000 If you've never listened to Hardcore History, it's the best podcast on history.
01:28:32.000 It's amazing.
01:28:34.000 And he's got this incredible piece on World War I that he just finished.
01:28:40.000 I think the last episode he just released. 0.99
01:28:43.000 What a fucking nutty time, dude. 0.98
01:28:44.000 That was just a hundred years ago. 0.99
01:28:47.000 These people were fighting in trenches and shooting at each other from over the hills.
01:28:55.000 What's really crazy is they, these people in World War I in particular, they were still wearing like the brightly colored outfits that people wore in the 1800s. 0.99
01:29:03.000 They were wearing like their grandfather's fucking battle outfits. 0.72
01:29:08.000 They had outfits that were essentially like targets, like white gloves and white hats and they didn't have any helmets and they were walking. 1.00
01:29:15.000 They don't walk.
01:29:16.000 Just walk. 1.00
01:29:17.000 Just walk in and fucking shoot at people and then people would shoot back and they'd dig a hole and cry and scream and that's how they did war. 1.00
01:29:25.000 Fucking nuts, man. 1.00
01:29:26.000 Damn. 1.00
01:29:27.000 And if it wasn't for them, we wouldn't be here. 1.00
01:29:29.000 Salute.
01:29:30.000 God bless those fine warriors.
01:29:32.000 God bless. 0.99
01:29:34.000 Fucked, right? 0.98
01:29:35.000 God bless the troops. 1.00
01:29:37.000 How fucked is that? 0.99
01:29:38.000 That just a hundred years ago was how they did war. 0.99
01:29:41.000 This piece is the hardcore history thing.
01:29:44.000 It talks about the Germans inventing these new guns that were so powerful.
01:29:47.000 They used to have to plug up their ears.
01:29:49.000 They'd plug up their nose.
01:29:51.000 They would back up 300 yards.
01:29:54.000 And when the thing went off, you still had to have your mouth open or it'll blow out your eardrums.
01:30:00.000 So they're packing their nose, they're packing their ears, they're plugging up everything, and you still have to have your mouth open when it goes off 300 yards away from you, because the reverberation, the sound is so powerful that it literally will blow your eardrums open. 0.96
01:30:17.000 And so they were shooting these fucking Volkswagen bus-sized bullets at the people on the other side. 0.95
01:30:24.000 I forget who they were shooting them at. 0.99
01:30:26.000 I forget which country it was they first used it on.
01:30:28.000 But they would just obliterate with one bullet.
01:30:31.000 It would obliterate like 70 people. 0.97
01:30:33.000 One bullet would just take out 70 people. 1.00
01:30:34.000 And they were like, what the fuck? 1.00
01:30:36.000 Before then, it was like bullets. 1.00
01:30:38.000 One at a time. 1.00
01:30:41.000 You shoot at me, I shoot at you. 1.00
01:30:42.000 Vive la France! 1.00
01:30:43.000 And you'd fucking run out there and... 1.00
01:30:45.000 Then the Germans took shit to the next level. 1.00
01:30:47.000 They had this huge gun that they used to have. 1.00
01:30:51.000 Tanks would pull it. 0.87
01:30:52.000 I mean, it was enormous.
01:30:53.000 You're talking about this huge cannon of a weapon.
01:30:57.000 And then they had to figure out the distance.
01:30:59.000 They had to figure it out.
01:31:00.000 They would launch one bullet, figure out where you were, and they would lower the gun a little, launch a second bullet.
01:31:05.000 There's nothing you could do.
01:31:06.000 Couldn't get away.
01:31:07.000 This thing was shooting you from miles away.
01:31:12.000 Were you watching that Dallas footage the other night?
01:31:14.000 The gunman?
01:31:17.000 No, I heard briefly about it.
01:31:19.000 What happened?
01:31:20.000 Some guy went nutty and shot at the cops?
01:31:22.000 Yeah, he got a armored car or van off of, it looks like eBay.
01:31:26.000 Somebody found the auction listing, and it was just completely armored, and he was just shooting and stuff.
01:31:31.000 But one crazy thing is, Jamie, if you look at my Twitter, I posted this video of a guy named Scoota underscore Juice Man.
01:31:41.000 He was filming on the street when this was happening the guy and the armored car was just shooting at cops hitting cop cars and stuff like that and he had Planted all these pipe bombs throughout the city.
01:31:51.000 It was like Grand Theft Auto.
01:31:53.000 It was nuts But this guy was shooting like filming it and a bullet you can hear whizz right by his head It is so intense. 0.99
01:32:03.000 Oh my god fuck that So, do you remember that North Hollywood shootout? 0.99
01:32:08.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:32:09.000 Yeah, I was here for that.
01:32:11.000 We were on the set of news radio and we all huddled up in the break room and watched it on television. 1.00
01:32:15.000 We were like, what the fuck? 1.00
01:32:18.000 Watching these two dudes with full armor on and machine guns and shit just fucking gunning down cops. 1.00
01:32:22.000 Did you remember that? 0.99
01:32:24.000 That wasn't the scene that they kind of recreated from the movie Heat, is it?
01:32:27.000 Yeah, that was the inspiration of it. 0.99
01:32:29.000 Holy shit. 0.99
01:32:30.000 Yeah, that really happened. 0.99
01:32:31.000 It was called the North Hollywood Shootout. 0.96
01:32:33.000 Two just maniacs. 1.00
01:32:34.000 Two crazy dudes, all fucked up on drugs, out of their mind, and just armed to the dick. 1.00
01:32:41.000 Their trunk was stuffed. 1.00
01:32:42.000 And the cops had regular service revolvers. 0.99
01:32:44.000 And they're like, what am I going to do with a fucking 9mm against these? 0.99
01:32:47.000 I mean, what's going on here? 0.99
01:32:49.000 We're so undergunned.
01:32:51.000 So, um, I think they changed a shitload of laws after that, too, about, like, how much machine guns you could have.
01:32:57.000 Right. 0.90
01:32:59.000 What happens when you start stockpiling that kind of ammo and bulletproof vests and shit? 0.97
01:33:03.000 So that was pretty much kind of the scene from that movie Heat? 0.94
01:33:06.000 Yeah, I think that was the inspiration for it.
01:33:08.000 Yeah.
01:33:09.000 Is this the new one?
01:33:10.000 That's the old one.
01:33:12.000 Oh, this is North Hollywood?
01:33:13.000 Yeah, okay, so these dudes, they have full-on...
01:33:18.000 Bulletproof vests the whole deal.
01:33:21.000 They're like wearing military garb and then they they have the trunk open and inside the car.
01:33:28.000 It's all guns. 1.00
01:33:30.000 It's all guns and bullets and This dude is like he's all armored Essentially and so he's shooting at these cops And, you know, the cops are fucked. 1.00
01:33:42.000 They're hiding, they're waiting for backup, but it was really scary because these guys are kind of idiots. 1.00
01:33:47.000 And it makes you think, like, if someone who really knew what the fuck they were doing, like some real tactical guy, some SEALs or something like that, they went nutty and decided to do this, you wouldn't need a large group. 0.99
01:33:58.000 In order to shut entire city down my friend Justin talks about this all the time because he knows like a lot of people in special ops and all those He's kind of a he would call himself on a firearms enthusiast. 0.98
01:34:08.000 I call him a gun nut He's definitely a gun nut, but if you had a bunch of dudes that were like really Really good at killing people like this, and you just brought in 20 of them.
01:34:22.000 They shut an entire city down. 0.65
01:34:24.000 Absolutely.
01:34:25.000 Where was this?
01:34:25.000 Just on Hollywood Boulevard?
01:34:26.000 No, this is in North Hollywood.
01:34:28.000 What's happening here?
01:34:29.000 How come we're not seeing anybody shooting at anybody yet? 0.89
01:34:33.000 These guys are lazy. 0.85
01:34:37.000 Come on, man.
01:34:38.000 Okay, here he goes.
01:34:39.000 So now he's just running and shooting at cops.
01:34:43.000 I love these.
01:34:44.000 It's Wolf Blitzer reporting on the news.
01:34:49.000 Oh, that's not Wolf Blitzer.
01:34:54.000 Sounds a little wolfish.
01:34:55.000 Yeah, it definitely does.
01:35:00.000 Yeah, I think that's...
01:35:06.000 That's the guy who got shot?
01:35:07.000 Yeah, I think so.
01:35:13.000 Yeah, I think that guy's dead, right?
01:35:15.000 The guy in the car.
01:35:16.000 Yeah, I think that's why he's rolling.
01:35:17.000 Or he's hurt.
01:35:18.000 I forget what happened, but I remember the cops let him bleed out, and people were saying that it was cruel, that the cops didn't call the ambulances and have this guy taken care of, and risked their own lives to do so, to get this guy to...
01:35:33.000 Oh, wait.
01:35:34.000 He just took off.
01:35:35.000 He stapled this thing shut.
01:35:39.000 Like Keanu Reeves in that John Wick movie?
01:35:42.000 Yeah.
01:35:42.000 Oh, yeah.
01:35:43.000 Did you see that movie?
01:35:44.000 Yeah. 0.99
01:35:45.000 It's a fucking good movie, man. 0.99
01:35:46.000 It's pretty good. 0.99
01:35:46.000 I watched it on a plane coming back from Mexico this weekend. 0.99
01:35:49.000 It's a fucking badass movie. 0.99
01:35:50.000 Did you see Lost Road yet? 0.99
01:35:51.000 No, that was the best, like, as far as, like, action movie, that was the best action movie I've seen in a long time.
01:35:56.000 It was badass.
01:35:57.000 What's it called?
01:35:58.000 John Wick.
01:35:59.000 Yeah, it was kind of Matrix-y.
01:36:00.000 It was pretty good.
01:36:01.000 Well, it's not about the Matrix at all. 1.00
01:36:03.000 It's about his hitman who these Russian mobsters fuck with him and he decides to go after them and kill them all. 1.00
01:36:09.000 It's just the gratuitous violence level is off the fucking chain. 1.00
01:36:13.000 I gotta check it out. 1.00
01:36:13.000 I love that shit. 1.00
01:36:14.000 Like the amount of murders that Keanu Reeves did. 1.00
01:36:17.000 It's insane.
01:36:18.000 I mean, I've never seen a guy kill more people in a movie.
01:36:20.000 It was fun to watch. 0.73
01:36:22.000 The way he was doing it was badass.
01:36:23.000 It was almost believable.
01:36:26.000 The way they had it set up, everything was really tight quarters.
01:36:30.000 It wasn't like a retard wagon train where they have a bunch of guys coming out and somehow he managed to survive. 1.00
01:36:35.000 You kind of buy it pretty much every step of the way.
01:36:37.000 You know there's not a real person who's that accurate with a gun, but if it's a video game, this could be possible.
01:36:46.000 There was no scene where you go, how is he going to get out of this?
01:36:49.000 There was one.
01:36:50.000 There was one.
01:36:51.000 They kind of gave you a way out.
01:36:53.000 It kind of made sense.
01:36:54.000 Good enough.
01:36:55.000 Good enough.
01:36:56.000 Because the gratuitous violence in the action scenes really make you want to go be a hitman. 0.99
01:37:01.000 You want to just go fuck people up. 0.98
01:37:02.000 It's a fun movie. 1.00
01:37:04.000 It's a wild fucking movie. 1.00
01:37:06.000 I heard that Jurassic Park movie sucked. 1.00
01:37:08.000 I heard it was okay, yeah. 0.79
01:37:09.000 But it looks good.
01:37:11.000 I'm sure it's good. 0.99
01:37:11.000 I heard it was dumb. 0.99
01:37:13.000 Do you see it? 0.99
01:37:14.000 Yeah, I saw it.
01:37:14.000 It's really fun.
01:37:15.000 You like everything, though.
01:37:16.000 It's fun.
01:37:17.000 It's a fun action movie.
01:37:17.000 What's the last thing you don't like?
01:37:19.000 I see plenty of movies I don't like.
01:37:21.000 Give me one.
01:37:21.000 Pitch Perfect, too.
01:37:22.000 Who loves it?
01:37:23.000 Haven't seen them.
01:37:24.000 Loved it.
01:37:24.000 Five thumbs up.
01:37:25.000 Did you see the first one?
01:37:26.000 No, I didn't.
01:37:27.000 I heard it was enjoyable, but I wanted to say, you were talking about the Twin Towers.
01:37:30.000 Before the Jurassic World movie, because it's in 3D IMAX, they showed the trailer for this new movie with Joseph Gordon-Levitt about this French tightrope walker that went between the Twin Towers and the 70s, and they recreated 1974 Manhattan.
01:37:44.000 Whoa.
01:37:45.000 They recreated the Twin Towers, and it looked awesome.
01:37:48.000 It freaked the shit out of you.
01:37:50.000 I'll show you a picture of it. 0.54
01:37:51.000 Really?
01:37:51.000 Yeah.
01:37:53.000 Is it all CGI? Oh my goodness!
01:37:56.000 It says it's like gravity-esque kind of recreation of this whole scenario.
01:38:00.000 Just the way the trailer starts out.
01:38:02.000 I want to ruin it for you even now.
01:38:03.000 You need to see it in IMAX because it was awesome.
01:38:06.000 No, I need to see it right now.
01:38:07.000 Do you have it?
01:38:08.000 I'll show you, yeah. 1.00
01:38:08.000 Yeah, show that shit. 1.00
01:38:11.000 Fuck an IMAX. Well, but it's 3D as well in the theater. 1.00
01:38:16.000 That's quite alright.
01:38:17.000 Alright.
01:38:17.000 I can get the idea.
01:38:18.000 This is insane.
01:38:20.000 It's so cool what they can do right now with CGI. Unless that's on a window washer's cart and just shooting it up to the top.
01:38:28.000 The Trade Center, it's gone.
01:38:30.000 Right.
01:38:31.000 Yeah, good point.
01:38:32.000 This is all fake.
01:38:36.000 It's amazing.
01:38:38.000 Come on.
01:38:39.000 That's incredible.
01:38:40.000 That's all fake.
01:38:41.000 Oh my god. 1.00
01:38:42.000 My fucking heart hurts. 1.00
01:38:46.000 That view is insane. 1.00
01:38:49.000 Oh my god.
01:38:51.000 I'm literally freaking out.
01:38:52.000 My hands are sweating.
01:38:53.000 My toes won't stop twitching.
01:38:56.000 He's cute. 0.97
01:39:03.000 So he's standing on top of the Twin Tower, and you get to see what the fucking drop looks like, and Homeboy is now standing on an I-beam. 0.96
01:39:13.000 It's poking out over the edge. 0.96
01:39:15.000 I don't think I can watch this.
01:39:17.000 I can imagine this in 3D. Oh my god, I can't even imagine what I'm seeing with my own face.
01:39:24.000 This man, his balance is amazing.
01:39:29.000 Oh, is it?
01:39:31.000 Jesus Christ, boy!
01:39:34.000 I'm having a really hard time watching this. 1.00
01:39:39.000 Fuck. 1.00
01:39:39.000 That has to be like one of the freakiest... 1.00
01:39:42.000 Oh, you son of a bitch. 1.00
01:39:44.000 He's standing on one foot. 1.00
01:39:45.000 What are you, a yoga master?
01:39:47.000 Acting as kegels.
01:39:48.000 Oh my god, in 3D. In IMAX 3D. Oh, that's good.
01:39:53.000 Wow, what a trailer.
01:39:56.000 The walk. 1.00
01:39:59.000 How crazy is that that we give a fuck that he does that? 1.00
01:40:03.000 That he does that? 1.00
01:40:05.000 I mean, if he walked a tightrope and that tightrope was six inches off the ground, you would not give a shit. 0.99
01:40:11.000 Nope. 0.99
01:40:11.000 No one would say it. 0.99
01:40:12.000 Sweaty palms.
01:40:13.000 But because he is a hundred stories up, you know that he's fighting every single instinct, every natural instinct the body has to get the fuck away from danger. 1.00
01:40:23.000 Fuck that. 0.99
01:40:24.000 Now, this isn't the French guy, is it? 1.00
01:40:25.000 Because they did a documentary a few years ago back?
01:40:28.000 Yeah.
01:40:28.000 Okay.
01:40:29.000 It's the same movie.
01:40:29.000 Yeah, it was a documentary about this guy that had the footage of him from afar, but...
01:40:34.000 I didn't watch that recent one with the family.
01:40:36.000 The family where the one guy with the Wallendas, is that what they are?
01:40:40.000 One of them died and they still do it like the mother and the son did it and they passed each other on the rope. 1.00
01:40:47.000 What the fuck, man? 1.00
01:40:48.000 You know, I mean, what kind of a way to make a living is that? 1.00
01:40:52.000 I know.
01:40:53.000 I'd be pissed at my dad if that's what he did.
01:40:55.000 Now I gotta follow in your footsteps.
01:40:57.000 How good do you think you could get?
01:40:58.000 Do you ever think you could get good enough?
01:41:00.000 Like, maybe it's just us.
01:41:01.000 Maybe we look at that and go, look, man, it ain't hard.
01:41:05.000 It's just we don't know how to do it.
01:41:07.000 You know what I mean?
01:41:08.000 Right.
01:41:08.000 Like, if you got really good, can you get good enough to a point where you could walk on one of those things with 100% certainty that you're not going to fall?
01:41:16.000 Is that possible?
01:41:18.000 Because look, if I made you a road across the Grand Canyon, but the road was only as wide as this table, I could walk it.
01:41:27.000 I would not like it.
01:41:29.000 I'd freak out the entire way.
01:41:30.000 I'd try to stay calm, but if there's no wind and I knew that the road was as wide as this table, I'm 100% confident that I'd be able to suck it up and make it to the other side. 0.99
01:41:38.000 When I got to the other side, I'd probably be like, what the fuck? 0.98
01:41:41.000 I'd probably be freaking out. 0.89
01:41:43.000 How long do you think it would take you?
01:41:44.000 I don't know how far the walk is.
01:41:46.000 How far is the walk?
01:41:47.000 I wouldn't rush it, I'll tell you that.
01:41:48.000 Probably a couple hours.
01:41:49.000 I wouldn't rush it.
01:41:51.000 You wouldn't walk fast?
01:41:53.000 No, I would not.
01:41:53.000 No, I would not.
01:41:54.000 I would be fucking... 0.99
01:41:56.000 I would do it as a meditation. 0.99
01:41:58.000 I would try to concentrate entirely on my breath in each footstep and just keep my balance good and stay calm. 0.97
01:42:04.000 But a table, like, I could get on this fucking table right now and I'll tell you right now, I'll never fall. 0.98
01:42:08.000 I will never fall standing up on this table. 0.99
01:42:11.000 Unless I slip on something.
01:42:13.000 You know what I'm saying?
01:42:13.000 But if I'm standing on this table right now, there's no way.
01:42:16.000 This is a flat thing.
01:42:17.000 It's very wide.
01:42:18.000 I'd be fine.
01:42:20.000 And I could walk across the table.
01:42:21.000 With what certainty?
01:42:23.000 100% certainty. 0.99
01:42:24.000 Unless there's something really wrong with my body, or I'm that fucking drunk. 0.98
01:42:28.000 If I had a gamble, I would be 100% certain that I could walk across the length of this table. 0.99
01:42:32.000 But if you made it a mile long, and you put it over the Grand Canyon, that's where shit gets weird. 0.98
01:42:39.000 You think you'd have to sit down at some point because you're like freaking out? 0.98
01:42:42.000 Maybe. 1.00
01:42:42.000 But the point is that anybody can walk on this fucking table. 1.00
01:42:45.000 We all know how to walk. 0.99
01:42:46.000 Do you think you could get good enough at walking on a tightrope that it's almost like this table?
01:42:53.000 You know, as far as, like, the probabilities?
01:42:55.000 But someone can, right?
01:42:56.000 I mean, there has to be someone out there. 0.99
01:42:58.000 Like, if you watch those Cirque du Soleil fuckers, they can do shit that doesn't seem like you should be able to do it. 0.99
01:43:03.000 They can do stuff with their bodies. 0.99
01:43:04.000 Like, I saw one guy, and he was pressing one guy.
01:43:08.000 The other guy was doing a handstand with one hand holding this guy's hand.
01:43:12.000 So this guy's got a hand...
01:43:14.000 Another guy's doing a handstand, or maybe they were using two hands, and they were holding, and the guy was doing a handstand on the other guy's hands.
01:43:19.000 They're standing up. 0.99
01:43:20.000 It's fucking ridiculous. 1.00
01:43:21.000 Who the fuck do you know that can do that? 1.00
01:43:23.000 Does anybody know anybody that can do that? 1.00
01:43:25.000 No.
01:43:26.000 Unless you know a Cirque du Soleil dude, or a Cirque du Soleil gal. 0.98
01:43:30.000 But even they fuck up every now and then.
01:43:32.000 Like one dropped at the MGM a couple years ago, right? 0.94
01:43:35.000 Wasn't it?
01:43:37.000 It's super risky.
01:43:38.000 You ever watch that, Cirque du Soleil?
01:43:39.000 Yeah.
01:43:40.000 Yeah, I've seen it.
01:43:41.000 I just went to like a local circus in the middle of a field. 0.92
01:43:43.000 I took my son last week, and these people are with no wires and shit like that. 0.99
01:43:47.000 What the fuck are they doing? 0.99
01:43:51.000 They're earning, son. 1.00
01:43:52.000 Yeah, what did I get?
01:43:53.000 There's like a hundred of them in it.
01:43:55.000 There's only like 30 people in the crowd.
01:43:56.000 I'm like, what are these people getting paid?
01:43:58.000 They're doing two shows.
01:43:59.000 The next show has like a hundred people going from town to town, and they're swinging off these ropes.
01:44:04.000 I'm like...
01:44:05.000 It's a weird make a living, man.
01:44:07.000 But that was like the carny.
01:44:09.000 There was a classic character in movies and stories.
01:44:14.000 Most people knew about the traveling people that would go from town to town.
01:44:18.000 And these carnivals.
01:44:19.000 They set up carnivals. 1.00
01:44:20.000 They're all dangerous and shit. 1.00
01:44:23.000 Carnies. 1.00
01:44:24.000 I mean, that's a classic description, right? 0.99
01:44:28.000 That's kind of fucked up. 0.96
01:44:29.000 And these guys looked at the guys that worked at definitely... 0.99
01:44:32.000 They all did, right?
01:44:33.000 Yeah, even last week, they looked creepy. 0.99
01:44:36.000 Well, you remember those fucking machines they would set up? 0.99
01:44:39.000 Like, they had carnivals in Massachusetts. 0.99
01:44:41.000 We would go to these local places.
01:44:43.000 You know, they'd be set up seasonally and something like that.
01:44:46.000 And you'd go down there and they'd have fried dough. 0.99
01:44:48.000 You know that fried dough with the fucking powdered sugar on it? 0.99
01:44:52.000 What's that called? 1.00
01:44:53.000 Waffle?
01:44:54.000 No. 0.99
01:44:55.000 Waffle cakes funnel cake funnel cakes elephant ear funnel cake yeah There's a there's a there's a Zepa something a fucking Italian name for it Bambolino or something like that that's not it that it starts with a Z but anyway the point being this fried dough these stands and these and then they'd have these Ridiculous carousels like what kind of an asshole do you have to be to get on that and risk your life on this fucking contraption that's put together by these guys and You know, 0.98
01:45:24.000 what kind of regulations do they have for carnivals back then? 0.98
01:45:26.000 Yeah, there's not an inspector coming in every day when they're setting it up to make sure it's safe in the little town that they're in.
01:45:32.000 It's just such a weird, like, common thing.
01:45:35.000 It's a common thing.
01:45:36.000 Like, carnivals are common.
01:45:37.000 Everybody knows about carnivals. 0.89
01:45:39.000 But to have that kind of a show go travel from town to town, set up, put up tents, put on little weird shows, try to get everybody's money, and then get the fuck out of Dodge. 0.67
01:45:50.000 Move on to the next place. 0.97
01:45:51.000 All jaded and weird.
01:45:54.000 Yeah, because every move you make, for two more dollars, you could sit two rows up, another dollar over here, ride the camel, and my son rode the camel for seven bucks a piece.
01:46:03.000 He rode a camel?
01:46:04.000 Yeah, we rode a camel together.
01:46:05.000 He rode the elephant for nine.
01:46:07.000 That was nine and stuff, yeah.
01:46:09.000 They have elephants that listen to them.
01:46:10.000 Program for two bucks. 0.99
01:46:12.000 That's a fucked up thing. 0.99
01:46:14.000 The circus animals. 0.98
01:46:16.000 Like, you ever see the one with the bear and the monkey?
01:46:20.000 Where there's a trained bear and a monkey and they're riding bikes together?
01:46:23.000 Never seen that?
01:46:24.000 No, I haven't seen it.
01:46:25.000 Oh, it's pretty funny.
01:46:25.000 Did you see that?
01:46:26.000 It's pretty fucked up. 0.99
01:46:27.000 The bear crashes into the monkey. 1.00
01:46:29.000 The monkey falls.
01:46:30.000 The bear crashes into him. 1.00
01:46:31.000 And the bear decides the monkey's an asshole, so he kills him in front of everybody. 1.00
01:46:36.000 Because he was in pain, and he associated the pain with this monkey fucking up. 1.00
01:46:41.000 Right. 0.99
01:46:41.000 I think he might have thought the monkey attacked him. 0.99
01:46:44.000 That's why he fell.
01:46:46.000 He might have thought the monkey was attacking him, so he mauls this monkey in front of everybody.
01:46:51.000 And they're trying to get him off the monkey. 1.00
01:46:52.000 He's a fucking giant, trained grizzly bear. 1.00
01:46:55.000 It's such a... 1.00
01:46:57.000 It's such a hilarious video.
01:46:59.000 It's horrible, but it's also hilarious. 0.98
01:47:01.000 Like, what the fuck is wrong with people? 0.99
01:47:03.000 You got a trained bear and a trained monkey. 1.00
01:47:05.000 Look at this.
01:47:06.000 They're riding a bike together. 0.99
01:47:07.000 I mean, that is a real fucking bear. 1.00
01:47:09.000 Holy shit. 1.00
01:47:10.000 That's a real bear. 1.00
01:47:11.000 Now, look.
01:47:12.000 This guy falls down.
01:47:13.000 The bear falls.
01:47:14.000 The bear knocks into this guy.
01:47:16.000 And so he gets back on...
01:47:19.000 Is that it already?
01:47:20.000 Yeah, it's just right to it.
01:47:22.000 Oh my gosh.
01:47:24.000 I missed it then. 1.00
01:47:25.000 I fucked up. 0.99
01:47:26.000 I didn't see where the monkey hit him. 1.00
01:47:29.000 I was too busy laughing. 0.99
01:47:32.000 It's just so crazy that people think it's okay to get a bear to ride a fucking bicycle with a monkey. 0.99
01:47:38.000 So, okay, so there's a monkey in front of him, and the bear's behind him. 0.99
01:47:43.000 Okay, I sit and see, because the guy got in the way.
01:47:45.000 Right here.
01:47:46.000 Boom! 1.00
01:47:47.000 The guy kind of fucked up, and the bear runs over the monkey and just decides to maul him. 1.00
01:47:52.000 Fuck this. 1.00
01:47:53.000 Riding bike sucks. 1.00
01:47:54.000 I'm a bear. 1.00
01:47:56.000 And these guys, they can't do shit about it. 1.00
01:47:58.000 They're watching him tear this fucking monkey apart. 1.00
01:48:01.000 There's nothing they could do. 1.00
01:48:04.000 And then they realize, like, Jesus Christ, we're working with a bear.
01:48:08.000 You know?
01:48:08.000 You thought of him as Hank, your co-worker.
01:48:10.000 This is my buddy Hank.
01:48:11.000 You know? 0.99
01:48:12.000 Oh, Hank's a murderer. 1.00
01:48:14.000 Hank's a fucking murderer. 1.00
01:48:15.000 No, no, he's a good guy. 1.00
01:48:16.000 He's a good guy unless he crashes into you with a bike.
01:48:19.000 Yeah.
01:48:19.000 And he just eats you in front of crowds.
01:48:22.000 It reminds me of Dice had a famous bit about Siegfried and Roy.
01:48:26.000 He's like, you know, people just bought those tickets every night.
01:48:28.000 Go, tonight could be the night.
01:48:31.000 What?
01:48:33.000 They don't have one of those anymore.
01:48:35.000 They don't have a Siegfried and Roy type act anymore.
01:48:37.000 I can't think of one famous thing in Vegas like that.
01:48:40.000 They still have the lions, apparently, at the MGM. The MGM has lions, and the Barrage has dolphins.
01:48:46.000 It's kind of fucked. 0.98
01:48:47.000 Didn't they take the exhibit of the lion exhibit out of the MGM? I don't know, did they? 0.99
01:48:51.000 Yeah, I don't remember seeing it anymore.
01:48:52.000 Did they?
01:48:52.000 They took it out?
01:48:53.000 That's good. 0.99
01:48:54.000 I went to it a long time ago, and I was like, what in the fuck? 0.99
01:48:57.000 Didn't one of them get attacked in there? 0.96
01:48:59.000 Yes, one of the trainers got attacked.
01:49:01.000 Yeah, there's a video of that.
01:49:02.000 I saw that. 1.00
01:49:02.000 But the idea that you could have a fucking casino in Vegas. 1.00
01:49:10.000 And inside this glass box is these poor tigers, or lions rather, they're getting tortured. 0.99
01:49:15.000 And they're looking at these people walking around staring at them.
01:49:18.000 That's way more unnatural than a zoo.
01:49:21.000 Plus, cigarette smoke.
01:49:22.000 Cigarettes.
01:49:23.000 Drinking.
01:49:24.000 Screaming.
01:49:25.000 Yeah.
01:49:25.000 Poor lions.
01:49:26.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:49:27.000 That's a fucked up place for a lion. 0.99
01:49:30.000 Why do people have lines in the back of their Lamborghinis in Dubai? 0.99
01:49:34.000 Is that a real thing that people do?
01:49:36.000 You're talking about that dude who's driving the AMG Mercedes and he has a leopard in his front seat?
01:49:42.000 Is it a cheetah?
01:49:43.000 I think it was a cheetah actually.
01:49:45.000 Why do they do that?
01:49:46.000 They do that because why did Mike Tyson buy a tiger?
01:49:49.000 Why did Mike Tyson own those crazy animals? 0.51
01:49:52.000 There's a documentary on it that's really good.
01:49:54.000 It's called The Elephant in the Living Room.
01:49:56.000 And it's all about people that keep these crazy exotic pets.
01:49:59.000 And this one guy that had lions, and the lions lived in a small box cart.
01:50:05.000 Look at that!
01:50:06.000 Where does this guy live?
01:50:08.000 Persian Gulf, it says.
01:50:10.000 Ah, Persians. 1.00
01:50:12.000 Look at him. 0.99
01:50:13.000 He's the most gangster. 0.94
01:50:14.000 He's hanging out with... 0.64
01:50:15.000 Whoa, whoa, whoa, scroll up.
01:50:17.000 He's hanging out with the lions and they're covered in blood. 0.99
01:50:20.000 What the fuck are they covered in blood from? 0.99
01:50:22.000 Because there's a dead animal right there. 1.00
01:50:24.000 Oh, Jesus.
01:50:25.000 So he would give them...
01:50:26.000 Wow, they killed that thing. 0.92
01:50:27.000 So he gave them a calf.
01:50:29.000 They maul the calf.
01:50:31.000 And he comes in and sits next to the body and hangs out with them.
01:50:35.000 Like a shark. 0.94
01:50:36.000 They gave him a shark to kill. 0.79
01:50:40.000 This guy seems awesome.
01:50:42.000 Well, there's always going to be people like this.
01:50:43.000 Whenever there's billions of dollars out there, look at that. 0.97
01:50:45.000 The guy's on a Mercedes, an AMG Mercedes, and he's standing on the roof, which is an asshole thing to do, and he's feeding his lion, who's on the hood of the car. 0.96
01:50:54.000 And his friend's at the driver's seat. 0.99
01:50:55.000 And his friend is like, you've got to be fucking kidding me, man! 0.98
01:50:58.000 This is going to be the best YouTube video! 1.00
01:51:01.000 This guy's nuts. 0.96
01:51:02.000 This seemed like one dude. 0.99
01:51:03.000 So is he like training these lions?
01:51:06.000 I think he's just badass. 0.99
01:51:08.000 He probably fucks them. 0.99
01:51:11.000 That's his Instagram account? 1.00
01:51:13.000 That's hilarious.
01:51:14.000 He's got money. 1.00
01:51:15.000 Look at that fucking one on the top. 1.00
01:51:17.000 Hold on, go back to that one. 1.00
01:51:19.000 Look at that shit. 1.00
01:51:20.000 That is so crazy. 1.00
01:51:22.000 Get off my car.
01:51:23.000 He's on his knees, like on his toes, bent down like a rapper, like if he was playing dice or something.
01:51:30.000 And right next to him is a lion, and he's on a Mercedes.
01:51:33.000 That's got to be his dating profile for whatever online service he's on, Tinder or whatever.
01:51:39.000 That's his dating profile.
01:51:41.000 Me, I love nature and Mercedes Benz. 1.00
01:51:45.000 Bitches be sucking my dick, yo. 1.00
01:51:48.000 That's such a ridiculous photo. 1.00
01:51:52.000 What is, you know, how's a guy like that live in this world? 0.99
01:51:58.000 It's just, I love that if you're gonna have people that are flashy in any way, you're always gonna have that one person that takes flashiness to the most fucked up place.
01:52:05.000 So like whenever you have a house that's like the most, the hugest, like what was the one that we were looking at the other day that was in Bel Air that was 50?
01:52:12.000 That was after the show was over, right?
01:52:14.000 Yeah.
01:52:15.000 Five hundred million dollars in Bel Air.
01:52:19.000 And the previous most expensive one sold in Bel Air was like a hundred million dollars, right? 1.00
01:52:25.000 What the fuck? 0.99
01:52:26.000 Really? 1.00
01:52:28.000 How come you don't retire?
01:52:30.000 Why do you have a $500 million house? 0.99
01:52:33.000 That's ridiculous. 0.96
01:52:34.000 That's cool. 0.93
01:52:34.000 So, yeah, this guy's a good thing. 0.93
01:52:36.000 It's got a hooker pool. 1.00
01:52:37.000 So this was, the other guy was in Dubai? 0.90
01:52:39.000 Yeah.
01:52:40.000 Yeah, so, you know, all these Russian chicks, European chicks go over to Dubai trying to find rich guys. 1.00
01:52:44.000 Oh, yeah. 0.90
01:52:46.000 Yeah, when we were, I was in Abu Dhabi for the UFC and a bunch of the guys went to Dubai just to see what it was like and go get some food and shit. 0.99
01:52:55.000 And they said that they walked into a bar, they had no idea, and it was literally all Russian hookers. 0.98
01:53:01.000 The entire bar. 0.99
01:53:02.000 They were like, dude, I think this is a hooker bar. 1.00
01:53:04.000 Like, it was all Russian hookers waiting for guys to show up. 1.00
01:53:08.000 And they got there, and I say Russian, but you know, Middle East or Eastern Bloc country type accents. 0.98
01:53:15.000 Yeah.
01:53:15.000 And they were like, I've never seen anything like it.
01:53:17.000 Like, there's so much money there, apparently, that they just, that's just where they go.
01:53:21.000 They know that rich people are coming in to vacation, and they have certain spots where they can just find these Russian broads. 1.00
01:53:28.000 And there's also a bunch that come over from Eastern Europe, and they just try to find American men to move to America.
01:53:34.000 Did you ever think about doing that?
01:53:36.000 Absolutely.
01:53:37.000 Getting yourself a nice tent from Siberia.
01:53:40.000 Yeah, I mean, I got some bedrooms in my house.
01:53:42.000 Come on, stay. 0.96
01:53:43.000 Stay around.
01:53:45.000 Get your green card.
01:53:47.000 I've had friends who bring them back to the hotel, like, oh yeah, you know, I got two mansions that live here, live here, you know, and then bang them and then try to get rid of them.
01:53:55.000 Afterwards, they got nothing.
01:53:58.000 Eventually, if they keep doing that, though, they'll find a guy.
01:54:02.000 Oh yeah, absolutely.
01:54:04.000 But Dubai's really weird.
01:54:05.000 Like, that's where if you kiss someone in public, you get thrown in jail and stuff like that.
01:54:08.000 So you really gotta do it.
01:54:09.000 You can't do it in the bar.
01:54:10.000 You can't even do it until you get back to in the hotel room.
01:54:13.000 Well, there was a woman who got caught with melatonin.
01:54:16.000 She got caught with melatonin, which is a natural supplement that helps you go to sleep. 0.99
01:54:20.000 And they locked her in fucking jail. 1.00
01:54:22.000 She was an executive at, I think, Endemol, like one of those production companies. 0.99
01:54:28.000 And there was another lady, or another guy rather, that got arrested for having some prescription medication that's illegal there, but not illegal in the UK, where he lived.
01:54:38.000 And so he had some prescription medication that he travels with, that he has to take. 0.90
01:54:42.000 And his doctor prescribes it, and they fucking locked him right in jail. 0.97
01:54:45.000 They took his medication away from him and threw him in a box. 0.97
01:54:49.000 Yeah, there was a rapper, too, going over, because they do a lot of concerts over there.
01:54:51.000 A rapper had some, I think he had some marijuana on him, just a little.
01:54:54.000 He got thrown in jail for it, too.
01:54:56.000 Carrie Bradshaw.
01:54:57.000 She kissed that guy on the beach and got arrested in Sex and the City 2. I did not see that.
01:55:03.000 Is that a movie?
01:55:04.000 They had more than one movie?
01:55:05.000 He saw that.
01:55:06.000 No, I did not.
01:55:07.000 We talked about it.
01:55:08.000 Sex and the City 2?
01:55:09.000 Yeah.
01:55:10.000 No, we definitely did not talk about it.
01:55:11.000 I never said I saw Sex and the City 2. She kissed Mr. Big on the beach and they got in trouble.
01:55:16.000 I definitely didn't see it.
01:55:17.000 I watched some of the previews, I think, and we might have mocked it, but we never talked about me seeing it.
01:55:24.000 Oh, I wasn't allowed to talk about it.
01:55:25.000 There was actually a second one?
01:55:28.000 If I saw it, I would talk about it.
01:55:30.000 You liked Second City. 1.00
01:55:32.000 You are so retarded. 1.00
01:55:34.000 I know. 1.00
01:55:35.000 You really should go to a doctor.
01:55:36.000 I think the patch did something to him. 0.93
01:55:38.000 Yeah, there's something wrong with your brain. 0.99
01:55:40.000 Like, half your sentences today are so goofy. 1.00
01:55:42.000 That's ridiculous. 0.99
01:55:43.000 That's exactly what you're just saying. 1.00
01:55:45.000 It's like you're off.
01:55:45.000 I could feel it.
01:55:46.000 Oh, yeah.
01:55:47.000 I miss cigarettes.
01:55:48.000 Totally.
01:55:48.000 I feel it.
01:55:49.000 Are you going to make it?
01:55:50.000 No. 0.98
01:55:51.000 You're so weak.
01:55:52.000 No, I'll make it. 0.83
01:55:54.000 Just man up.
01:55:55.000 I'm hungry right now.
01:55:57.000 I'm not normally hungry, and so it's weird.
01:56:00.000 That's something that they say.
01:56:02.000 That's a big one with cigarette smokers, that the appetite-suppressing aspect of it.
01:56:06.000 It's 100%.
01:56:06.000 I've never wanted to eat at 2 in the afternoon or whatever.
01:56:12.000 Well, you've got to replace it with something else.
01:56:14.000 You obviously have an addiction, so you've got to get a new healthy addiction.
01:56:17.000 That's what you've got to do.
01:56:18.000 Yeah, start calling it a jam or something.
01:56:20.000 No.
01:56:23.000 Yeah.
01:56:24.000 I've been drinking Jamba Juice lately though.
01:56:25.000 That's good.
01:56:26.000 Fruit juices to start.
01:56:27.000 That's not bad.
01:56:28.000 The problem with Jamba Juice, not Jamba Juice, but like a lot of those places you think you're getting, I'm going to have a smoothie.
01:56:33.000 The amount of sugar that's in those smoothies, it's a lot of it is juice.
01:56:37.000 And really, when you have an orange, you're supposed to eat an orange.
01:56:41.000 Like, orange juice is kind of an unnatural way to get orange stuff.
01:56:44.000 You know, to have such a concentrated amount. 0.98
01:56:47.000 Like, when you're drinking orange juice, the way that it comes into your body, your body's like, how the fuck did you get this like this? 0.84
01:56:53.000 Like, how come it's not in the orange? 0.97
01:56:55.000 Why are you not chewing fiber?
01:56:56.000 How come this isn't attached to the pulp and all that other stuff?
01:56:59.000 Like, how'd you do this?
01:57:00.000 And you're just pouring it right in your bloodstream.
01:57:02.000 It's just basically like sugar water.
01:57:05.000 It's better for you, like, fresh squeezed, a lot of vitamins in it and stuff, but it's a lot of sugar.
01:57:09.000 A lot of calories in fruit juices.
01:57:11.000 Yeah, try the fresh juice.
01:57:13.000 I'm gonna make it right there.
01:57:16.000 Don't give him advice for fruit.
01:57:17.000 He's not gonna take it anywhere.
01:57:19.000 I used to juice.
01:57:20.000 He's already thinking about the cigarette he's gonna have in his car on the way home. 1.00
01:57:23.000 He's gonna stop at the gas station and like, fuck it, man. 1.00
01:57:28.000 I wish. 1.00
01:57:30.000 Just crash this motherfucker right into the beach. 1.00
01:57:34.000 Jim Florentine, what are you doing out in L.A.? What's going on? 1.00
01:57:37.000 Got anything happening?
01:57:38.000 Yeah.
01:57:38.000 What are you doing?
01:57:39.000 You know, usual meetings where they tell you you're great.
01:57:42.000 Oh, those are the best.
01:57:43.000 Yeah, we're going to put you in a movie, and we've got a part for you.
01:57:46.000 Adam Sandlow will probably call you tomorrow at home, and then you never hear from him again.
01:57:50.000 You know, one of those.
01:57:52.000 Sometimes those pan out.
01:57:53.000 Yeah, once in a while they do, actually.
01:57:54.000 So that's what you're out here for?
01:57:55.000 Yeah, I'm going to do some stand-up shows.
01:57:57.000 I think you're going to do a show with us.
01:57:58.000 We're doing together at the Comedy Store.
01:57:59.000 And Brian, you're doing that show too, right?
01:58:01.000 Yeah, and Joey Diaz just got added to it.
01:58:02.000 Oh, Jesus.
01:58:03.000 Dean Delray.
01:58:04.000 And that's a belly room show too, folks, so don't sleep.
01:58:07.000 It only seats like 70 people.
01:58:09.000 It's only supposed to seat 70 people.
01:58:10.000 It's probably already sold out.
01:58:12.000 Yeah, it probably is.
01:58:13.000 But they really jam like 90 in there, right?
01:58:16.000 I think?
01:58:16.000 Somewhere in there?
01:58:17.000 Yeah, sure.
01:58:17.000 Somewhere in there.
01:58:18.000 Maybe.
01:58:19.000 Fire Marshal doesn't know.
01:58:21.000 Apparently, you're supposed to get 57. 57. I love that room, the belly room. 0.96
01:58:25.000 It's the best.
01:58:26.000 I gotta go there tonight and check to make sure the sound system's still there, because I wasn't working last night.
01:58:30.000 I think they might have blown their new speakers up there.
01:58:32.000 Oh, no.
01:58:33.000 Anybody can use it, right?
01:58:35.000 Unfortunately, yeah.
01:58:36.000 There's not a sound guy up in there.
01:58:38.000 It's kind of like most comedy clubs, you usually have a sound guy that takes care of the soundboard and everything.
01:58:44.000 In the belly room, it's kind of like whoever's running the show kind of takes over the soundboard, which is a horrible idea.
01:58:49.000 So you guys put in a new soundboard, Kill Tony, the one episode.
01:58:54.000 You guys raised money.
01:58:56.000 No, I didn't.
01:58:56.000 That was a stand-up show, right?
01:58:57.000 Yeah, I did.
01:58:58.000 Death Squad showed it, put all the money towards it, and then the comedy store matched it.
01:59:01.000 So we got a really high-end sound system up there.
01:59:03.000 And somebody might have blown it.
01:59:04.000 Maybe.
01:59:05.000 I'll find out tonight.
01:59:07.000 I'm there this weekend, too.
01:59:09.000 I'm there Friday and Saturday.
01:59:10.000 I'm doing the belly room. 0.75
01:59:11.000 Yeah, we have Kill Tony tonight there, so I get to...
01:59:14.000 Put a new soundboard on your Amazon gift shop, whatever the hell it is.
01:59:18.000 Wishlist.
01:59:19.000 Wishlist, yeah.
01:59:21.000 So, you've done the store before, right?
01:59:23.000 Yeah.
01:59:24.000 What do you do mostly in New York?
01:59:26.000 Which clubs do you work at?
01:59:27.000 There's a new club called The Stand.
01:59:29.000 You keep hearing good things about that place.
01:59:30.000 Great club.
01:59:31.000 Yeah, Ari does that place a lot, right? 1.00
01:59:32.000 Yeah, it's similar to the Comedy Cellar downstairs in her basement upstairs.
01:59:36.000 You hang the comics, great food.
01:59:38.000 I do that, you know, in the Comedy Cellar.
01:59:41.000 Stand on New York still.
01:59:42.000 Are there good road gigs around there still?
01:59:45.000 Not really.
01:59:46.000 Not in that area.
01:59:47.000 Is Governors still around?
01:59:48.000 Governors are still there.
01:59:49.000 That's a great gig.
01:59:49.000 That's a great gig.
01:59:50.000 Brokerage in Belmar.
01:59:51.000 The Brokerage is still around.
01:59:52.000 Brokerage is still there.
01:59:53.000 Wow.
01:59:53.000 I used to have a hard time getting booked there because I was dirty.
01:59:55.000 So did I. I worked there one time and the guy hated me.
01:59:59.000 The guy originally owned it and never went back after that.
02:00:02.000 The Governors, they didn't care.
02:00:03.000 No, Governors, they just wanted you to be funny.
02:00:06.000 But the Brokerage, they wanted it squeaky clean.
02:00:09.000 1970s Johnny Carson style.
02:00:10.000 Yep.
02:00:12.000 There's a bunch of those clubs. 0.99
02:00:13.000 Well, that's Comedy and Magic Club.
02:00:14.000 Joey Diaz still can't work the Comedy and Magic Club.
02:00:16.000 They had to have a conversation with me about Joey because Joey was my opening act.
02:00:22.000 I always brought Joey with me as much as I can.
02:00:25.000 And Comedy and Magic Club were like, we have to talk to you about this.
02:00:30.000 I always found that weird, though, that they let Ari Shaffir... 1.00
02:00:34.000 He's not as dirty as Joey. 0.99
02:00:35.000 He used to be pretty fucking dirty. 0.99
02:00:38.000 I remember the weekend that happened. 0.99
02:00:39.000 It's a different level.
02:00:40.000 It's a different level.
02:00:42.000 When Joey's doing the pigeon.
02:00:44.000 You know what you're doing?
02:00:45.000 You're eating a monkey from behind. 1.00
02:00:46.000 You're sticking your nose right in your asshole. 1.00
02:00:48.000 Like a pigeon. 1.00
02:00:50.000 And he goes like this. 1.00
02:00:51.000 He goes, that's a chicken, but what the fuck? 1.00
02:00:53.000 You know what I'm talking about. 1.00
02:00:56.000 The Pigeon. 0.99
02:00:57.000 Yeah, he was just doing some crazy ass-eating stuff, and Mike is like, that's it. 0.81
02:01:03.000 Because that was also back before, like, there was, the shows would be packed, but half the people would know me from, like, maybe Fear Factor, and he had a bunch of regulars that would go there every Sunday, no matter what, every weekend, no matter what. 0.65
02:01:16.000 He's got a bunch of, like, regulars, and he always has these squeaky clean shows. 0.93
02:01:21.000 So they would come to see me, and they'd have no idea what the fuck was about to hit them. 0.56
02:01:25.000 And Joey would get on stage, and a bunch of them barely made it through. 0.98
02:01:29.000 Almost had heart attacks.
02:01:30.000 Really? 1.00
02:01:31.000 Ran out into the fucking street. 1.00
02:01:33.000 What did you do to me? 1.00
02:01:35.000 They were used to the 9 a.m.
02:01:38.000 Jay Leno show on Sunday.
02:01:40.000 Not really 9 a.m., but it might as well be.
02:01:42.000 He would do these Tonight Show monologue sets.
02:01:45.000 Right, he would work on it on Sundays.
02:01:46.000 Yeah.
02:01:47.000 And he would go down there and just read a bunch of very non-offensive, very mild Tonight Show-style jokes.
02:01:53.000 So they got used to that. 0.99
02:01:54.000 And then Joey Diaz just hits the stage like a fucking tornado. 0.99
02:02:00.000 They just didn't know what to do. 0.99
02:02:02.000 So half of them loved it, but it was a good percent.
02:02:04.000 But now if we went back, it would be 100%. 0.99
02:02:06.000 They would know what the fuck to expect. 0.97
02:02:08.000 And it would be awesome, but he's scared. 0.99
02:02:11.000 Yeah.
02:02:12.000 I only did that club once.
02:02:14.000 Tonight Show people were coming to see me and they gave me a warning.
02:02:17.000 They go, look, I don't know what you're going to do up here.
02:02:18.000 I go, I'm doing a Tonight Show set.
02:02:20.000 Yeah.
02:02:21.000 It's four and a half minutes. 1.00
02:02:22.000 I can't do any dirty shit on a Tonight Show. 1.00
02:02:24.000 It's going to be fine. 1.00
02:02:24.000 Like, all right, just make sure. 1.00
02:02:26.000 We know you've got a reputation from the East Coast, from Howard Stern and all this stuff. 0.60
02:02:31.000 How gross.
02:02:32.000 I know.
02:02:33.000 I'm auditioning for a Tonight Show. 0.99
02:02:34.000 I'm not going to talk about ass-eating. 0.98
02:02:37.000 You'd have to really say it in a way. 0.99
02:02:39.000 Right.
02:02:41.000 What year was this?
02:02:42.000 This was probably like eight years ago, seven years ago.
02:02:45.000 They have lighter standards now. 0.93
02:02:47.000 Like, standards and practices, you can get away with a lot of shit now that you never could get away with just a few years ago.
02:02:51.000 Like, the internet is opening up the boundaries. 0.92
02:02:54.000 Like, just look at the gore factor. 0.97
02:02:57.000 Like, I was watching CSI the other day, and they had some bodies that they were, like, picking bullets out of or some shit, and I was like, whoa! 0.98
02:03:05.000 Like, I can't believe this is regular TV! Like, really fucking gory! 0.99
02:03:10.000 They show it to you, like, really quick. 0.99
02:03:11.000 You know, like, they don't show you, like, long, focused shots, but it's enough that you're like, whoa!
02:03:17.000 I can't believe this is regular TV! Do you think the Fear Factor episode with the cum would be able to be passed nowadays? 1.00
02:03:24.000 No. 0.82
02:03:25.000 Can't make people drink cum. 0.99
02:03:27.000 Someone's son, someone's daughter, you're making them drink cum on TV? I re-watched that the other day. 0.99
02:03:33.000 That is one of the grossest things I've ever seen. 0.98
02:03:35.000 Wait, someone drank cum? 0.99
02:03:36.000 Oh, they drank a big gulp full of cum. 0.98
02:03:38.000 They drank like 24 ounces. 0.97
02:03:41.000 It didn't make the show?
02:03:44.000 No, it never got in the air in America.
02:03:46.000 But it made the air in Holland and a bunch of other countries.
02:03:48.000 So they took the video of that and they uploaded it to YouTube.
02:03:53.000 You can watch it.
02:03:54.000 It's available. 1.00
02:03:55.000 It was the most ridiculous shit ever. 1.00
02:03:56.000 Was it a guy or a girl? 1.00
02:03:57.000 One guy and two girls.
02:03:58.000 That's a great guy.
02:03:59.000 Did you see the new Fear Factor ripoff show that's starting?
02:04:02.000 I heard about it.
02:04:02.000 Yeah.
02:04:03.000 It's pretty close.
02:04:05.000 Good.
02:04:06.000 They even advertise it in the commercial, like, just like Fear Factor, bullseye, or whatever.
02:04:10.000 Oh, really?
02:04:11.000 They say just like Fear Factor?
02:04:13.000 Yeah.
02:04:13.000 Wow, that's hilarious.
02:04:15.000 Yeah, man, that was a show, that was one of the rare times in life where someone got fired because someone drank cum on TV. Because that was what happened. 0.95
02:04:25.000 We all got fired because someone drank cum on TV. And I was happy. 0.99
02:04:29.000 I was like, good, it's cancelled.
02:04:30.000 I was literally happy that it was cancelled.
02:04:32.000 That's why the show got cancelled?
02:04:33.000 Yes.
02:04:34.000 Yeah, the ratings were really good.
02:04:36.000 It was doing really well, because when it came back, the stunts were insane. 0.96
02:04:39.000 But the stunts were getting fucking hairy.
02:04:41.000 Like, we had a couple pretty big accidents. 0.93
02:04:44.000 There was one where this couple left.
02:04:47.000 Like, the driver, something happened, and his windshield was obscured with a cardboard box, and they almost crashed into this lady's leg.
02:04:55.000 Like, it was... 0.98
02:04:56.000 It was enough that I was like, whoa, you guys are taking some fucking chances here. 0.86
02:05:00.000 There was always a certain amount of chance in Fear Factor, but they were taking some chances that I was like, what happens if this goes wrong? 0.95
02:05:07.000 One of them was, you were attached to a bungee cord that was attached to a helicopter.
02:05:13.000 And you had to, your partner had to unlock you.
02:05:17.000 So there's like a chain full of keys and then there's a lock.
02:05:20.000 And so you have to find the right lock.
02:05:22.000 So it's you and you're competing with someone else.
02:05:25.000 And there's helicopters.
02:05:26.000 And the helicopter has a hold of you on a bungee cord, pulled tight. 0.99
02:05:30.000 And then so when they let go, when they unlock you, they let go and you go shooting off into fucking space. 1.00
02:05:37.000 Holy shit. 1.00
02:05:37.000 Shit. 1.00
02:05:38.000 And I'm saying, like, they were flying through the air. 1.00
02:05:42.000 Flying through the air on the most crazy bungee cord you've ever seen in your life. 0.99
02:05:47.000 And it's attached to a fucking helicopter. 0.99
02:05:49.000 So you're watching this, and you're like, what if the helicopter crashes? 0.99
02:05:51.000 Like, has anybody done this?
02:05:53.000 Like, how many dry runs have you done with this?
02:05:54.000 Right. 0.99
02:05:55.000 Like, you know, the stunt guys, they don't even get paid, and they would have to recreate this fucking thing. 0.99
02:06:00.000 And a lot of times they would recreate it with PAs. 0.98
02:06:03.000 They would get a PA to do the stunt, and they would pay them like a hundred bucks, and then they would attach them to this fucking thing and launch them into space. 1.00
02:06:12.000 Holy shit. 0.99
02:06:13.000 I don't think someone's gonna die! 1.00
02:06:15.000 You can't...
02:06:16.000 There's no way you can prevent...
02:06:18.000 Like, you can't stop anything if it goes wrong.
02:06:20.000 There's no...
02:06:21.000 Like, if that bungee cord snaps...
02:06:24.000 You're dead, okay?
02:06:25.000 If the helicopter crashes, everyone's dead. 0.65
02:06:27.000 And they did it off a canyon.
02:06:29.000 Like, there's, like, this, like, huge cliff.
02:06:32.000 And the tree was attached to the people on the edge of this cliff.
02:06:35.000 Oh, this is it right here.
02:06:37.000 Yeah, somebody's running the Fear Factor Facebook page and making all these new video clips.
02:06:41.000 Look at this. 1.00
02:06:41.000 Look at this shit. 1.00
02:06:41.000 Holy shit. 1.00
02:06:42.000 Back that up a second, just so you can see how retarded that is. 1.00
02:06:45.000 Whoa. 0.61
02:06:46.000 Watch this.
02:06:47.000 She gets the key in, she unlocks it, and the moment she does... 1.00
02:06:52.000 As soon as she gets free, he pulls the- Look at that fucking thing! 1.00
02:06:56.000 Look at that thing! 1.00
02:06:57.000 She got shot through the fucking air! 1.00
02:07:00.000 On the bottom of a helicopter! 1.00
02:07:04.000 So ridiculous. 1.00
02:07:05.000 That lady shaved her head too. 1.00
02:07:06.000 That was more disturbing for people than anything else.
02:07:09.000 You made that lady shave her hair. 1.00
02:07:12.000 She shaved her hair.
02:07:13.000 Didn't you make somebody get a tattoo also?
02:07:15.000 No, they wouldn't do it.
02:07:16.000 They quit.
02:07:17.000 That's right.
02:07:17.000 They had to get a Fear Factor tattoo and a tattoo of me.
02:07:20.000 That's right.
02:07:20.000 Really?
02:07:21.000 Yep. 0.87
02:07:22.000 And that got approved by NBC, which is ridiculous.
02:07:27.000 And they wanted to do it at the bottom of their feet, but you can't do it because of...
02:07:32.000 Sanity, you know, hygiene reasons when you step on things.
02:07:35.000 If you have a sore like that at the bottom of your foot, it risks pretty severe infection possibilities.
02:07:40.000 But they did that.
02:07:43.000 NBC said they could have the tattoo. 0.80
02:07:45.000 And the other thing that NBC said was that they could drink piss. 0.67
02:07:47.000 They drank piss, too. 1.00
02:07:49.000 They drank donkey piss and donkey cum. 1.00
02:07:52.000 Or was it cow piss and donkey cum? 1.00
02:07:54.000 Yeah. 0.99
02:07:54.000 Yeah. 0.99
02:07:55.000 Who's real cum was that in there? 0.99
02:07:57.000 Donkey cum. 0.99
02:07:58.000 Who's real cum was that? 0.99
02:07:59.000 Oh, the producers, Vine, everybody on the street. 0.99
02:08:03.000 We just pull over and ask people to jerk off. 0.99
02:08:06.000 It was so ridiculous. 1.00
02:08:07.000 It was such a huge vat of cum that they had, too. 0.99
02:08:10.000 They would pour into these glasses.
02:08:12.000 And here's the thing, like, your best case scenario in this game, the best you could do, you would have to drink five ounces.
02:08:19.000 Absolutely.
02:08:20.000 Absolutely have to drink five ounces.
02:08:22.000 Because they're playing horseshoes. 0.99
02:08:23.000 So if you fucking got a ringer, you nailed it. 0.99
02:08:26.000 It's not even, like, if you nail it, you don't have to drink. 0.99
02:08:29.000 No, even if you nail it, you have to drink five ounces.
02:08:32.000 Just crazy.
02:08:33.000 Was it refrigerated or was it like warm temperature?
02:08:36.000 No, you'd have to refrigerate it.
02:08:37.000 Yeah, you want to serve that chilled.
02:08:38.000 Yeah, that's how I feel.
02:08:40.000 At least you can pretend it's something else.
02:08:41.000 If it's hot, it's going down your throat.
02:08:43.000 You know exactly what it is.
02:08:44.000 It's like a latte, though.
02:08:45.000 A little hot latte.
02:08:46.000 Nah, it's better.
02:08:46.000 I don't know what you're putting in your lattes, but you need to stop right now or you're going to get pregnant.
02:08:51.000 It's just like tequila.
02:08:51.000 You want a chilled.
02:08:52.000 It's a lot easier going down chilled.
02:08:55.000 It's all psychological, though.
02:08:57.000 Because it's like... 0.98
02:08:59.000 It's cum, right? 0.93
02:09:00.000 It's salty, liquid, like snot. 0.97
02:09:03.000 Like when you swallow snot.
02:09:04.000 It's all psychological.
02:09:06.000 The actual taste of snot, it's not the worst thing in the world.
02:09:09.000 I'm sure there's a lot of things that taste way worse than snot. 0.63
02:09:13.000 Or cum. 0.99
02:09:14.000 But a chick that swallows got a big advantage. 1.00
02:09:16.000 The girls were saying that. 0.79
02:09:17.000 It was hilarious. 0.99
02:09:18.000 They were like, I'll take the cum. 0.99
02:09:19.000 The girl took the cum over the piss. 1.00
02:09:21.000 I go, really? 0.99
02:09:22.000 And she goes, yeah, what's the big deal?
02:09:23.000 I was like, wow, what a trooper you are.
02:09:25.000 I know. 0.99
02:09:25.000 She took the cum. 0.99
02:09:27.000 She's like, it'll be easier. 0.99
02:09:27.000 I've swallowed cum before. 0.99
02:09:29.000 We didn't have any of that on TV, obviously. 0.85
02:09:31.000 But they were laughing about it.
02:09:32.000 They're like, I've swallowed before.
02:09:33.000 This will be easy.
02:09:34.000 Fine.
02:09:34.000 And I was like, wow.
02:09:36.000 I guess a guy would probably...
02:09:39.000 If there was some sort of a squirting thing that pigs did, and you could collect that...
02:09:44.000 And a guy had to choose between drinking that stuff or something else. 1.00
02:09:51.000 You would go with the squirty stuff, because it's like, it's coming out of a girl's vagina. 1.00
02:09:55.000 It's just like, girl cum, no big deal. 1.00
02:09:58.000 As long as it's a girl. 0.99
02:09:59.000 But I think that's how the girls looked at it when they thought about this, the idea... 1.00
02:10:03.000 Look at those girls drink that cum! 1.00
02:10:06.000 Yeah, that's cum, dude. 1.00
02:10:10.000 Oh my god. 0.98
02:10:11.000 They drank a mug. 0.99
02:10:26.000 I like how he's plugging, they're plugging their nose while they're drinking cum. 0.99
02:10:30.000 Look at that guy chug cum. 0.99
02:10:33.000 That guy just chug cum. 0.99
02:10:40.000 Oh my goodness. 0.99
02:10:44.000 Okay, well, how is that?
02:10:46.000 So Fear Factor's released that, then?
02:10:48.000 Oh, no, no.
02:10:48.000 If it's edited as Fear Factor Moments.
02:10:50.000 Yeah, something happened about six months ago.
02:10:52.000 Fear Factor's Facebook page just started posting brand new videos and, like, new advertisements and stuff. 0.99
02:10:58.000 He has the shit that come out. 0.99
02:11:00.000 I love how Joe's right in her face. 1.00
02:11:01.000 Come on, fucking do it already. 1.00
02:11:03.000 Be a trooper. 1.00
02:11:04.000 Jesus Christ.
02:11:05.000 I still, to this day, I go back and I watch this and I can't believe it really happened.
02:11:09.000 Didn't you have a guy named Brian that tested everything before that they had to test it?
02:11:15.000 No, there was a bunch of guys, but Josh Silverman, he was the B-stunt producer.
02:11:21.000 He produced it.
02:11:22.000 He had done a bunch of different crazy shows.
02:11:25.000 He actually had been on a reality show.
02:11:27.000 He's on Ted Nugent's reality show at one point in time as a contestant.
02:11:31.000 Really? 0.98
02:11:32.000 But that guy was nuts. 0.99
02:11:33.000 And he was getting dark. 1.00
02:11:35.000 Like, his mind was getting very dark from all of the coming up with the different stunts for these people, like, figuring out different ways to get people to fucking pull, like, bison hearts out of a swimming pool filled with blood. 0.98
02:11:48.000 Like, they kept coming up with more and more fucked up things. 0.99
02:11:50.000 And I was like, this has got to be bad for your brain. 0.99
02:11:52.000 Like, this is your job.
02:11:54.000 And he was like, totally.
02:11:55.000 It's definitely not good.
02:11:56.000 Wow.
02:11:58.000 It was like, it's not good to think about this kind of stuff all the time. 0.92
02:12:01.000 That's why they came up with this drinking cum thing, I think.
02:12:04.000 I think they got so lost, they didn't realize how insane this is going to be to the rest of the world. 0.85
02:12:10.000 They were like, look, they gave us the green light.
02:12:12.000 Let's do it.
02:12:13.000 We're going to push the envelope.
02:12:13.000 Let's push the envelope.
02:12:14.000 All right, we're going to do lunch on Tuesday.
02:12:16.000 And the network and the executive would high-five each other.
02:12:18.000 They were so out of touch. 0.96
02:12:19.000 They had no idea that the rest of the world was going to go, you made people drink cum on TV. Even drinking piss. 0.96
02:12:26.000 Just making people drink piss is probably enough to get the show canceled.
02:12:29.000 But the fact that there was piss and cum together, the network is like, what did we do?
02:12:34.000 What happened here? 0.98
02:12:35.000 They should bring it back, but put it on Netflix, uncensored, and make it the grossest of gross.
02:12:40.000 Well, I'm not doing it.
02:12:42.000 I'm done.
02:12:42.000 Like eating yeast infections.
02:12:43.000 I'll never do it again.
02:12:45.000 Can you see a yeast infection?
02:12:46.000 Oh, yeah.
02:12:46.000 It's creamy.
02:12:47.000 A lens.
02:12:48.000 Oh, no, it's creamy.
02:12:48.000 It comes out creamy.
02:12:49.000 That's just excretion.
02:12:50.000 It comes out.
02:12:50.000 He's scooping it.
02:12:51.000 Oh, I've had it.
02:12:52.000 He's scooping it up like he's making pizza.
02:12:55.000 I've had it curdled.
02:12:55.000 He's working dough.
02:12:56.000 Chunky.
02:12:57.000 You've had it curdled? 1.00
02:12:58.000 I mean, I've pulled out my dick and it's been like chunks of white yeast all over it. 0.99
02:13:03.000 That's not good. 1.00
02:13:04.000 Again, the quality of the company that you keep is reflected in many shitty decisions that you've made in this crazy life. 0.98
02:13:11.000 What's wrong with you, boy? 0.99
02:13:12.000 She had diabetes. 1.00
02:13:13.000 She had diabetes and that affects your vagina? 1.00
02:13:15.000 Oh yeah, you get yeast infections all day. 0.98
02:13:17.000 That makes sense, I guess.
02:13:19.000 Your whole body's out of whack.
02:13:21.000 They say a lot of issues that people have with various bacterial levels and things like that could be mitigated with just probiotics.
02:13:29.000 That if people took probiotics all the time, there'd be less yeast infections, a lot less bacterial issues.
02:13:36.000 Yeah, a lot of aloe.
02:13:38.000 Drinking aloe, that helps.
02:13:40.000 Do you eat healthy during quarantine?
02:13:42.000 Yeah, I take probiotics every day. 0.99
02:13:44.000 You look healthy as fuck. 0.99
02:13:45.000 I just lost 25 pounds. 0.99
02:13:47.000 Did you?
02:13:47.000 Yeah.
02:13:47.000 What'd you do?
02:13:49.000 Went on a juice fast.
02:13:50.000 Well, I got a divorce, so that helps, yeah.
02:13:54.000 13 days, no food.
02:13:56.000 Comics with divorces, that's rare.
02:13:59.000 Usually it works out.
02:14:00.000 It does, I know.
02:14:03.000 It's like when a comic's happily married, he goes, is he okay?
02:14:06.000 What's wrong with him?
02:14:07.000 Is he alright?
02:14:09.000 Is he still funny?
02:14:10.000 Dice came at my wedding and he goes...
02:14:13.000 First of all, he goes, look.
02:14:14.000 He goes, look at all your friends here. 1.00
02:14:16.000 He goes, they're all a bunch of fucking creeps. 1.00
02:14:17.000 I don't know where these people work. 1.00
02:14:20.000 He goes, here, take us.
02:14:21.000 He just handed me a water cash.
02:14:22.000 He goes, I'm not even going to leave an envelope because somebody's going to steal it.
02:14:25.000 Put this in your pocket now.
02:14:27.000 And then he goes, look, your wife's lovely and this is a great day for you guys, but just know one day she's going to hate your guts.
02:14:37.000 He was right.
02:14:39.000 Did they think...
02:14:41.000 You're a wild man. 0.98
02:14:42.000 You're always doing stand-up, you keep crazy friends. 0.88
02:14:45.000 Do you date girls and think they could change you? 0.67
02:14:47.000 Is it one of those things where, like, he's a smart guy.
02:14:50.000 He's really nice.
02:14:51.000 I just think that if I just get ahold of, you know, we'll work it out.
02:14:55.000 No.
02:14:56.000 Because I always went after the crazy ones.
02:14:58.000 I never went after a normal one.
02:14:59.000 You probably should have.
02:15:01.000 No, pretty much.
02:15:02.000 Nah, I mean, you know.
02:15:04.000 No, I didn't.
02:15:04.000 I always liked the wild ones, so they weren't looking to tame anybody.
02:15:08.000 How do you find a normal person?
02:15:09.000 You can't even find a normal person out here.
02:15:11.000 Well, normal people are not going to find you, first of all.
02:15:13.000 Where are you going?
02:15:14.000 You're going to the Comedy Store.
02:15:16.000 You're going to a bar.
02:15:17.000 We should just hang out at Applebee's.
02:15:19.000 They got weekends off, you know, they work 9 to 5, and you're working weekends, you never get to see them. 0.99
02:15:24.000 That's when they want to hang with their friends and go to, like, fucking Applebee's or some shit. 0.99
02:15:27.000 The other thing is that, as a comic, your hours are so fucked and your lifestyle is so crazy that unless the girl is living some sort of a crazy life of her own, she's not going to understand... 1.00
02:15:38.000 Like a stripper. 1.00
02:15:39.000 That's why they have, like, the same hours.
02:15:40.000 Exactly.
02:15:41.000 Well, a lot of comics wind up dating strippers for a bunch of reasons, but that's a big one of them.
02:15:45.000 It's just that...
02:15:46.000 Some girls are like, you're out every night. 1.00
02:15:48.000 I've had friends that I've lost.
02:15:50.000 They don't do stand-up anymore because their wife got upset.
02:15:53.000 They were out too much doing stand-up.
02:15:55.000 And if you're going to be a good comic, you have to work a lot.
02:15:59.000 You have to work every week.
02:16:01.000 You might be able to take weeks off here and there, but essentially you're working several days a week, every week, and you're doing it at night, and you've got to write, and you've got to work on new shit, and you've got to constantly be in that zone, and you've got to go to the clubs.
02:16:13.000 You have to.
02:16:14.000 If you don't do it, you're not going to develop material.
02:16:16.000 So if you're dating someone, they're like, I don't understand.
02:16:18.000 You're not even getting paid for this.
02:16:19.000 You're getting like $15. 1.00
02:16:21.000 Fuck. 1.00
02:16:22.000 No, I'm working. 1.00
02:16:23.000 Where do you think these jokes come from? 1.00
02:16:25.000 They don't come from the fucking joke fairy. 1.00
02:16:27.000 These bitches need to grow. 1.00
02:16:28.000 I've got to go water the garden. 1.00
02:16:29.000 You know, that's what you do.
02:16:30.000 You go to the comedy store on a Tuesday night, you're watering the garden. 1.00
02:16:33.000 What the fuck are you doing? 0.99
02:16:35.000 Yeah, a lot of people can't get that concept. 0.99
02:16:37.000 Working for food or just not working at all during the week, doing sets.
02:16:42.000 They want to hang out, watch a movie, it's Tuesday night.
02:16:44.000 Yeah, and they're mad at you.
02:16:45.000 Or a TV show.
02:16:46.000 Like, you're going to go out there for free?
02:16:48.000 How many people are going to be there?
02:16:49.000 Four people?
02:16:50.000 Is that worth it?
02:16:51.000 They don't get it.
02:16:52.000 Those conversations used to be so frustrating to me.
02:16:55.000 But I get it from the girl's point of view.
02:16:58.000 She wants a normal life.
02:17:00.000 People want a normal life.
02:17:01.000 They want someone who's going to be home on normal daytime hours.
02:17:05.000 They don't want some guy who's calling him from the road because he did ecstasy. 0.99
02:17:10.000 It's just, they want shit to be normal. 0.99
02:17:13.000 I get it. 1.00
02:17:14.000 But strippers don't. 1.00
02:17:16.000 So, like, if you're, unless she really wants to settle down and be normal, and she's just, she's in the last days of stripping. 1.00
02:17:22.000 Like, this is it.
02:17:23.000 I'm almost 30. I'm so tired of this.
02:17:25.000 It's such bullshit. 1.00
02:17:27.000 Meet one of those. 1.00
02:17:29.000 Yeah.
02:17:29.000 But you got a wild 24-year-old?
02:17:32.000 Jesus Christ.
02:17:32.000 Forget it.
02:17:33.000 Yeah.
02:17:34.000 Jesus Christ, Tim Florentine.
02:17:36.000 That's why I think Camgirls is the way of the future, because when you're out at the comedy club, they could be squirting at home, you know, and then you just have like a... 0.99
02:17:43.000 You're still committed to that squirting thing.
02:17:46.000 It is pee. 0.93
02:17:47.000 It's been proven.
02:17:48.000 No, it's been proven scientifically that it's pee.
02:17:51.000 They have actual studies now.
02:17:53.000 Tony Hinchcliffe makes fun of you in his act.
02:17:55.000 Actually, it's completely wrong.
02:17:58.000 Oh, Scientist Brian's here, ladies and gentlemen. 1.00
02:18:00.000 Forget all the retarded shit he said during the past two hours. 1.00
02:18:03.000 He's just going to clear things up now with his intelligence and knowledge of squirting. 1.00
02:18:07.000 When Vice did the article about squirting being pee.
02:18:09.000 A lot of people did.
02:18:10.000 I know, but it's the same base thing that even when we had what's-his-face in here the other day, he even goes, no, I get what you're saying.
02:18:16.000 There is two different kinds. 0.96
02:18:17.000 Have you ever had sex with a girl, and after you're done, there's a humongous water spot on your blanket? 0.96
02:18:24.000 That's squirting. 0.98
02:18:25.000 That's gushing.
02:18:26.000 That's what I'm talking about. 0.84
02:18:28.000 What those reports are talking about when it's shooting out, projecting, that's pee.
02:18:32.000 That's obviously pee. 0.95
02:18:33.000 It's coming out of the pee hole. 0.92
02:18:35.000 But gushing... 1.00
02:18:36.000 Shut the fuck up. 1.00
02:18:36.000 Get the fuck up. 1.00
02:18:37.000 Gushing is what I'm talking about. 0.99
02:18:39.000 Some girls you can hit a certain part of their G-spot and you'll feel like a flood come out. 1.00
02:18:45.000 And that is not pee. 0.62
02:18:47.000 And even Dr. Drew says it.
02:18:49.000 A lot of people even say it.
02:18:50.000 Dr. Drew says it.
02:18:50.000 Dr. Drew also says pot is addictive.
02:18:52.000 He said that a long time ago.
02:18:54.000 Dr. Drew's got a lot of problems.
02:18:55.000 You let him go now because you're on his side when it comes to squirting.
02:18:58.000 That's what it is.
02:18:59.000 He used to be anti-Dr.
02:19:00.000 Drew when it came to weed, but squirting to him is more important than weed.
02:19:03.000 Squirting is his Bigfoot. 0.99
02:19:05.000 He will fucking argue with you if you tell him squirting is not real. 0.99
02:19:08.000 Squirting is the Loch Ness Monster. 1.00
02:19:10.000 Squirting is his UFOs.
02:19:12.000 You know who thinks squirting is fake?
02:19:13.000 Squirting is your Jesus. 0.66
02:19:14.000 People that can't make girls squirt. 1.00
02:19:16.000 Yeah, they can't do it.
02:19:17.000 They don't even know how.
02:19:18.000 They don't know how to get them to drink a gallon of water and piss all over you. 1.00
02:19:23.000 You can feel it.
02:19:25.000 You know, man.
02:19:26.000 I just know.
02:19:26.000 It's like when Jesus touches me.
02:19:28.000 I can't describe it, bro.
02:19:29.000 I just feel it.
02:19:31.000 You're saying every girl can squirt like you can make any girl squirt? 1.00
02:19:34.000 I think most girls can squirt. 1.00
02:19:35.000 Yeah. 0.95
02:19:35.000 They drink a lot of water, hold it in, wait for Brian to finger them, piss all over them. 0.95
02:19:42.000 What I'm saying is real, but...
02:19:44.000 Sure, like a UFO fanatic. 0.97
02:19:47.000 And I think most guys have had that experience when you're with a girl and you're like, holy shit, you were really wet this time, and you look down and there's a huge wet spot. 0.97
02:19:55.000 That's what I'm talking about. 0.99
02:19:56.000 Well, yeah, girls have vaginal, vaginal, rather, lubricant comes out of their body. 1.00
02:20:00.000 Some girls are wet. 1.00
02:20:02.000 But it doesn't ever squirt out. 0.99
02:20:03.000 It doesn't ever squirt out like those videos where girls are going just fucking pissing all over the camera. 1.00
02:20:10.000 Right. 0.99
02:20:10.000 That's the problem. 0.99
02:20:11.000 That's Pete.
02:20:12.000 That's Pete.
02:20:13.000 Obviously, that's Pete.
02:20:14.000 Brian, you, like a slippery politician, have changed your stance.
02:20:17.000 No, I've never changed my stance.
02:20:18.000 Because you used to say that the spray was a different type.
02:20:21.000 I've never said that.
02:20:22.000 It was different than I've never said that.
02:20:23.000 Well, the court would please bring up the last podcast where squirting was discussed and Brian angrily, yet again, defended the art of squirting.
02:20:35.000 I've always said the exact same thing.
02:20:36.000 The practice of squirting.
02:20:38.000 No, you definitely said squirting is real, and now you're saying gushing is real.
02:20:41.000 Squirting is the term, what you guys are calling it, squirting is... 0.99
02:20:44.000 In the business, you know, a lot of you, like, fucking pedestrians, you have your terms. 1.00
02:20:50.000 I know your term squirting. 0.99
02:20:51.000 And as pros, we refer to it as gushing.
02:20:54.000 It's gushing.
02:20:55.000 Yeah, she was a gusher. 1.00
02:20:57.000 Yeah.
02:20:57.000 Right.
02:20:58.000 And that's what's confusing, what people think squirting is fake and stuff.
02:21:02.000 People are confused with a lot of things. 0.79
02:21:04.000 When you have sex with a girl, sometimes it's a little wet, right? 0.90
02:21:07.000 But there's sometimes where you can feel it just pouring out of her, and it won't stop, and she's all over the place. 0.96
02:21:15.000 She's going to melt. 1.00
02:21:15.000 She's going to be like the Wicked Witch of the West and melt in your fucking house. 1.00
02:21:17.000 And if you were to take all that juice, throw it in a test tube, that's not pee. 1.00
02:21:21.000 Okay, scientist Brian, why don't you go perform these tests?
02:21:24.000 I've heard many people talk about it, including Dr. Drew talked about it.
02:21:28.000 Bring up some facts.
02:21:30.000 Dr. Drew about squirting.
02:21:31.000 Go Google that.
02:21:32.000 I don't need to.
02:21:33.000 I already know about that.
02:21:34.000 I've talked about this a million times. 0.99
02:21:36.000 So it's girls cum, then. 0.99
02:21:37.000 It's her. 0.99
02:21:39.000 It's a mixture of...
02:21:40.000 No, it's not.
02:21:42.000 But the scientists that have studied it say it's pee.
02:21:45.000 But how do you know?
02:21:47.000 You know, because I just know.
02:21:49.000 I don't need new fancy science.
02:21:51.000 I don't have a computer in front of me.
02:21:52.000 I have Jesus in my heart.
02:21:54.000 Well, would you mind if it was pee?
02:21:55.000 Huh?
02:21:58.000 That's what we're trying to get at.
02:22:00.000 And that's another thing.
02:22:02.000 That huh is the story of this whole conversation.
02:22:06.000 And that's another thing, because I've actually had a girl gush or squirt or whatever while I was eating her out before. 1.00
02:22:12.000 So you had a girl pee in your mouth? 1.00
02:22:13.000 It did not taste like pee.
02:22:15.000 Because he knows.
02:22:15.000 He's drinking a lot of pee.
02:22:17.000 He's basically a pee sommelier.
02:22:18.000 Well, because it was a mixture.
02:22:20.000 I have these hints of Cosmo Martinis. 0.99
02:22:26.000 The girl's cum usually has hints of pee in it, but it's not urine. 0.99
02:22:32.000 Okay, and what about oak? 0.99
02:22:33.000 Tannins.
02:22:34.000 All the stuff they find from those aged barrels.
02:22:40.000 He gets mad!
02:22:41.000 I'm not getting mad, it's just that...
02:22:42.000 You do definitely get upset when it comes to the topic of squirting.
02:22:45.000 You defend it like it's a religious thing.
02:22:47.000 Well, because people are so confused about it.
02:22:49.000 They are super confused.
02:22:51.000 As a matter of fact, they're giving a lot of university-level courses on it because there's so much confusion.
02:22:56.000 About whether or not squirting is pee. 0.93
02:22:58.000 No, what you see in porn is usually water that's been put up there or urine, like you said. 1.00
02:23:04.000 But that's not what I'm fucking talking about. 1.00
02:23:06.000 I'm talking about there's ways that you can hit the G-spot with your dick and make the girl gush. 1.00
02:23:10.000 Yeah. 1.00
02:23:11.000 I don't know.
02:23:12.000 I don't think too many people bother.
02:23:13.000 They didn't squirt even a little in the old porns. 0.56
02:23:16.000 What were they doing differently?
02:23:18.000 Did they not know what they were doing back then? 0.99
02:23:20.000 Tell me, Ron Jeremy didn't know how to lay some dick out? 0.99
02:23:22.000 No, that's fake. 0.99
02:23:23.000 That's what I'm saying is fake.
02:23:24.000 What are you talking about?
02:23:25.000 I'm saying that the stuff that you see in porn that you guys think is squirting is water that has been put up there. 0.99
02:23:30.000 You guys, you dummies. 0.99
02:23:32.000 That's like you so-called Christians. 1.00
02:23:36.000 He's like a religious fanatic over there.
02:23:38.000 I don't think most people care.
02:23:40.000 He cares.
02:23:41.000 You could go, you know, this chick squirted last night. 1.00
02:23:43.000 You're like, that's actually pee.
02:23:44.000 You're like, oh, really?
02:23:45.000 And that's it.
02:23:46.000 Not him.
02:23:46.000 Not him.
02:23:47.000 What?
02:23:48.000 Huh?
02:23:48.000 That it was in my mouth.
02:23:49.000 All right, well, whatever.
02:23:50.000 I drank pee. 1.00
02:23:50.000 She was fucking hot. 1.00
02:23:52.000 I'll collect some gush. 0.99
02:23:53.000 You're going to need rubber gloves.
02:23:55.000 You're going to need a chain of command, chain of custody.
02:23:58.000 You've got to scrape it up.
02:23:59.000 You have a guy there in a sealed envelope.
02:24:01.000 Take it to the lab. 0.99
02:24:03.000 I don't know what the fuck you're going to do with it on the way to the airport. 0.98
02:24:05.000 Hopefully she doesn't have a yeast infection at the same time. 0.99
02:24:08.000 Exactly. 1.00
02:24:08.000 Fuck with the studies. 1.00
02:24:11.000 Frothy. 1.00
02:24:11.000 Frothy. 1.00
02:24:12.000 Gosh.
02:24:14.000 Definitely need to go back smoking cigarettes.
02:24:16.000 I'll tell you that.
02:24:17.000 Why?
02:24:17.000 Because your brain...
02:24:18.000 What happened over the last few days is shocking.
02:24:21.000 But what I've been saying right now is so accurate and...
02:24:24.000 It really is.
02:24:26.000 The fact that you are actually defending squirting.
02:24:30.000 The fact that I could troll you so hard that I could just... 1.00
02:24:34.000 Just all I have to say is squirting is pee and you will go into a fucking frothy panic. 1.00
02:24:40.000 Look at you. 1.00
02:24:40.000 No, I'm not getting into a panic. 1.00
02:24:42.000 It's just that people...
02:24:43.000 Very defensive.
02:24:43.000 It's annoying when people go...
02:24:45.000 It's annoying when people insult my Jesus.
02:24:47.000 Dude, squirting is not real.
02:24:48.000 It's like, alright.
02:24:49.000 Well, guess what?
02:24:50.000 A lot of that's coming your way today, fella.
02:24:52.000 I know.
02:24:54.000 What's your Twitter handle?
02:24:55.000 Redband.
02:24:56.000 R-E-D-B-A-N. They're going to give you a lot of fucking medical studies on piss. 1.00
02:25:00.000 Yeah. 0.99
02:25:01.000 The various properties of piss.
02:25:03.000 It's gushing, guys.
02:25:04.000 Guys I don't even know.
02:25:05.000 You're such amateurs.
02:25:06.000 You don't even know how to make a girl gush. 1.00
02:25:09.000 So you can make every girl? 1.00
02:25:10.000 Not every girl, but I could make a lot of girls because of the shape of my dick. 1.00
02:25:14.000 What's wrong with it? 0.99
02:25:15.000 It's pointed towards my face, so it's kind of bent towards my face.
02:25:20.000 And if you put a girl's legs up between your shoulders... 1.00
02:25:23.000 Don't make me throw up before the end of this podcast.
02:25:26.000 We're about to end soon.
02:25:27.000 So you've got to put it over your legs?
02:25:29.000 Yeah, usually...
02:25:29.000 Over your shoulders?
02:25:30.000 Herds, like over, yeah.
02:25:32.000 And it's got to bend up.
02:25:34.000 Well, I don't know if it has to bend up, but I'm just saying that that's why I think I've had such great success.
02:25:40.000 You should give seminars.
02:25:41.000 I just did.
02:25:42.000 No, you just explained it.
02:25:45.000 You should give seminars where you walk around people, tell them, no, you've got to get your hips over here, like a yoga class. 0.99
02:25:51.000 Wait down here. 0.99
02:25:53.000 Or he looks at every guy's dick. 1.00
02:25:54.000 Nope, doesn't end up. 0.99
02:25:55.000 You ain't gonna do it. 1.00
02:25:56.000 You have to break your dick. 1.00
02:25:57.000 I could take your money, but you're not gonna be able to do it. 1.00
02:25:59.000 No, as a young age, you could just put it underneath your belt buckle and it will grow that way around your belly. 0.71
02:26:04.000 So every time you have a boner, just put it straight up north.
02:26:06.000 He's 40. He's a grown man.
02:26:08.000 That reminds me of a Brady Bunch episode where Bobby wanted to be taller, so he hung from the swing set.
02:26:13.000 Did he?
02:26:13.000 Through his arms, yeah.
02:26:14.000 Because he wanted to be taller.
02:26:15.000 I remember that episode.
02:26:16.000 That's what it has to put under the belt buckle.
02:26:18.000 So it stays up.
02:26:19.000 But your belly is a natural bend.
02:26:20.000 No, but the Brady Bunch wasn't real.
02:26:22.000 I know.
02:26:23.000 He's a real person. 1.00
02:26:24.000 He really fucking believes you're going to change the shape of your dick by tucking it in your balls. 1.00
02:26:30.000 You know what? 1.00
02:26:30.000 I'm wearing a belt right now. 1.00
02:26:31.000 I'm going to do it on the right.
02:26:32.000 Wrap it up.
02:26:33.000 Tie it in a knot.
02:26:34.000 Maybe get one of those real soft belts.
02:26:36.000 Yeah, I'm looking for a squirter.
02:26:40.000 I've had some pretty good squirters.
02:26:43.000 Okay, buddy.
02:26:44.000 Alright, let's wrap this up.
02:26:45.000 Belly button.
02:26:45.000 Thanks for showing up.
02:26:47.000 You're the best.
02:26:49.000 Jim Florentine, what's going on, man?
02:26:50.000 Where's the website at?
02:26:53.000 What's JimFlorentine.com?
02:26:55.000 JimFlorentine.com, yeah.
02:26:55.000 And it's Mr. Jim Florentine on Twitter.
02:26:57.000 Mr. Jim Florentine on Twitter.
02:26:59.000 I'm going to be Amy Schumer's new movie.
02:27:00.000 Oh my goodness.
02:27:01.000 Coming out the 17th.
02:27:01.000 What is this?
02:27:02.000 July 17th.
02:27:03.000 What's the movie?
02:27:03.000 Trainwreck.
02:27:04.000 Oh, what is it?
02:27:05.000 It's a comedy, her movie with Judd Apatow, director.
02:27:09.000 Okay, cool.
02:27:09.000 I just got a little part in it.
02:27:10.000 Beautiful.
02:27:11.000 But I didn't get caught because people have seen it and said it's a good scene, so.
02:27:14.000 Excellent.
02:27:15.000 Cool.
02:27:15.000 And then I just did an episode of Louie, so.
02:27:18.000 Nice.
02:27:18.000 Recently.
02:27:18.000 Nice.
02:27:19.000 And you got any comedy club dates coming up?
02:27:21.000 Just this Wednesday night.
02:27:22.000 Alright, Wednesday night.
02:27:23.000 Comedy store.
02:27:24.000 We'll all be at the comedy store.
02:27:25.000 And then Baltimore at the end of the month.
02:27:26.000 Hopefully Brian will be smoking by then.
02:27:28.000 We'll get the old Brian back.
02:27:29.000 Or take him to a doctor.
02:27:31.000 Alright, I'll smoke.
02:27:32.000 No, don't do it.
02:27:33.000 And I got a podcast too.
02:27:34.000 Yes, what is it?
02:27:36.000 Comedy Metal Midgets.
02:27:37.000 Jim Florentine.
02:27:38.000 Metal Midgets or Mental? 0.74
02:27:40.000 Metal.
02:27:40.000 Metal.
02:27:41.000 Comedy Metal Midgets.
02:27:42.000 Yeah.
02:27:43.000 Those three things in that order.
02:27:45.000 Yeah, I just, it had a nice ring to it.
02:27:47.000 Dude, I forgot to talk to you about this one dude, I'll ask you off the air, but your friend who lives in Florida, some crazy friend, I was listening to your radio show.
02:27:56.000 Oh, Gary from Florida. 0.99
02:27:57.000 Is that the nutty dude who fucks all these girls and has all these ridiculous stories? 1.00
02:28:01.000 Yeah, fucks them in the ass the first night, cooks them a chicken marsala, and then fucks them in the ass. 1.00
02:28:06.000 Were you talking to him or were you talking about him? 1.00
02:28:09.000 I don't remember.
02:28:09.000 It was on the radio show.
02:28:10.000 But I sat in my car out here in this parking lot.
02:28:13.000 I was laughing like a mental patient.
02:28:15.000 I was just with him this past weekend. 1.00
02:28:16.000 He's insane. 0.95
02:28:18.000 He goes on these dating websites and gets these girls. 0.98
02:28:21.000 He started when he was 35. He put in from 40 to 65 because he goes, no one at 35 wants to fuck those women. 1.00
02:28:28.000 I will. 1.00
02:28:29.000 He's like, I'm not going after a 22-year-old. 0.99
02:28:31.000 So some 52-year-old in Florida, single, you know, with big tits, divorced, tan, take him out one date. 1.00
02:28:38.000 They go, look, just feed me and fuck me. 1.00
02:28:40.000 Wow. 1.00
02:28:40.000 And he's like, first night, right in the ass. 1.00
02:28:42.000 Whoa. 1.00
02:28:43.000 Eight out of ten times.
02:28:44.000 8 out of 10 times?
02:28:45.000 8 out of 10. Wow.
02:28:47.000 He looks like a bloated Tony Danza, like, you know.
02:28:51.000 So it works for him. 1.00
02:28:53.000 And they're like, wow, a 35-year-old wants to fuck a 52-year-old. 1.00
02:28:55.000 So he's got that market. 1.00
02:28:57.000 That's smart.
02:28:58.000 Oh, yeah.
02:28:58.000 He's always been like that.
02:29:01.000 Leave a message. 1.00
02:29:02.000 I just fucked a 64-year-old. 0.99
02:29:05.000 Because she wanted to be in bed by 8, so I'm going back out trying to get another one. 1.00
02:29:09.000 Oh my god, that is so bizarre.
02:29:13.000 That's a smart move, though.
02:29:14.000 If you want numbers, you want to put up numbers.
02:29:17.000 That's all he cared about was numbers.
02:29:19.000 He's like, look, I gotta get Hall of Fame numbers.
02:29:22.000 That's all I'm looking for.
02:29:23.000 And do these women get attached to him? 1.00
02:29:24.000 No, they don't care. 1.00
02:29:25.000 They want dick? 1.00
02:29:26.000 It's Florida, they don't care. 1.00
02:29:27.000 They don't care because Florida?
02:29:29.000 Yeah, Florida, it's a whole other animal down there. 1.00
02:29:31.000 They don't give a shit. 1.00
02:29:32.000 They move from one to another to another. 1.00
02:29:34.000 Really?
02:29:34.000 Yeah, he might go see him one more time and they don't even bother him after that.
02:29:37.000 Really?
02:29:38.000 Especially an older woman. 1.00
02:29:39.000 They're just setting their ways.
02:29:40.000 They're like, look, I just want to get laid. 0.98
02:29:41.000 Right.
02:29:42.000 I can get that.
02:29:43.000 Like, they're not looking for a man anymore.
02:29:45.000 No, they just...
02:29:46.000 They're just gonna come along, tell him what to do.
02:29:47.000 Yeah.
02:29:48.000 They go, look, man, I'm horny.
02:29:49.000 It's been a while.
02:29:50.000 Wow.
02:29:51.000 A lot of times he'd try to do it without even getting dinner.
02:29:55.000 Yeah, he's like, let me see.
02:29:56.000 He'd try to pull that one off, just meet him for a drink.
02:29:58.000 Right.
02:29:59.000 His move was never to go, let's meet at 6. It was always like 8.30, so you didn't have to buy him dinner.
02:30:05.000 He's like, they're definitely going to eat by then.
02:30:10.000 So he had a strategy for saving money? 1.00
02:30:12.000 Yeah, I'm like, Gary, I mean, you're banging her in the ass the first night. 1.00
02:30:15.000 You probably could buy her a dinner. 1.00
02:30:17.000 It's worth it.
02:30:18.000 It's worth a $150 dinner.
02:30:20.000 Was it because he didn't want to take a chance of being stuck at dinner, or was he trying to save money? 0.95
02:30:25.000 Save money and just be a complete dirtbag. 0.71
02:30:28.000 That's the only reason. 0.90
02:30:29.000 Because you get stuck in a horrible conversation. 1.00
02:30:31.000 If you commit to dinner, and as you just met this person, and like five minutes into the conversation, you realize they're fucking crazy. 0.97
02:30:37.000 Like, oh no, I'm going to have a meal with this person? 1.00
02:30:40.000 Shit. 1.00
02:30:41.000 Yeah. 1.00
02:30:42.000 Then you just got to find the waiter.
02:30:43.000 I'll be right back. 0.98
02:30:44.000 You got to find the waiter, give the waiter money, and get the fuck out of Dodge before they even know what hit them. 0.97
02:30:48.000 Just walk out the front door. 0.97
02:30:49.000 Run.
02:30:49.000 Yeah, but what if you drove?
02:30:50.000 I had that problem with that meth head chick a couple weeks ago.
02:30:53.000 You drive.
02:30:54.000 If she drove, you got a problem. 0.94
02:30:56.000 Yeah.
02:30:56.000 Well, even then, you just get an Uber.
02:30:58.000 You live in the new world.
02:30:59.000 It's the new world, Jim Florence. 0.99
02:31:00.000 Yeah, you don't have to worry about that crap. 0.98
02:31:02.000 Well, he would just meet him for a drink, and then he figured if it was going to work, hey, let's go back. 0.99
02:31:06.000 Always by his house, close by, within a mile.
02:31:10.000 Hey, let's go back to my place.
02:31:12.000 We'll have another one.
02:31:13.000 But if he goes to his place, then he's got to get him out.
02:31:15.000 Yeah.
02:31:16.000 They always want to leave right afterwards.
02:31:18.000 They don't want to stay.
02:31:19.000 That's hilarious.
02:31:20.000 I know.
02:31:21.000 So they're just different.
02:31:22.000 It's just a different animal.
02:31:23.000 Different animal.
02:31:24.000 That a woman is trying to carve out a relationship. 1.00
02:31:27.000 Maybe Jim Florentine is the one.
02:31:29.000 Maybe I could settle down with Jim Florentine and have some babies.
02:31:32.000 Instead of that, she's like, nope.
02:31:34.000 Nope. 1.00
02:31:35.000 I just want some dick. 1.00
02:31:36.000 I'm 50. I just want someone to fuck me in my mouth and then get out of the house. 1.00
02:31:42.000 Pretty much. 1.00
02:31:43.000 My nephew just moved to Florida.
02:31:45.000 He's 27. I mean, he is cleaning up down there.
02:31:49.000 I said, you've got to put up like Coors Field numbers.
02:31:52.000 You know what I mean?
02:31:53.000 Like in Coors Field and baseball, because of the quality air, the balls just fly out of there.
02:31:57.000 The numbers are just skewered.
02:31:59.000 He's almost like he's on roids.
02:32:00.000 Right, because of the altitude in Denver?
02:32:02.000 Yeah, absolutely.
02:32:03.000 I said, when people look back at your baseball car from New Jersey to Florida, they go, all right, he was definitely doing roids.
02:32:08.000 Yeah.
02:32:08.000 What was going on in these years?
02:32:10.000 He goes, no, I lived in Florida.
02:32:11.000 Oh, okay.
02:32:11.000 Then he wasn't doing roids.
02:32:12.000 Yeah, Florida's the party state.
02:32:14.000 It's insane.
02:32:15.000 Those Florida Man Twitter notices, have you ever seen those?
02:32:19.000 No, but Burt Kreiser.
02:32:20.000 The page?
02:32:21.000 Yeah, Burt Kreiser's from Florida.
02:32:22.000 But Florida Man is a page on Twitter. 0.90
02:32:24.000 And if you go to Florida Man on the Twitter feed, it's all news stories about a guy from Florida doing something retarded. 0.95
02:32:31.000 It's a different part of the world, man.
02:32:34.000 It's a completely different part of the world.
02:32:35.000 So if you're a guy who looks like a bloated Tony Danza Bloated Tony Danza.
02:32:39.000 You're just cleaning up on the girls who've made these terrible mistakes in the decades past, and now they're just kind of like settled in. 0.76
02:32:46.000 Settled in, settled in their ways, but still get horny.
02:32:48.000 In my 20s, I moved down there because I wanted to get laid.
02:32:51.000 Wow.
02:32:52.000 You moved down there specifically because you wanted to get laid.
02:32:54.000 I moved down in high school.
02:32:55.000 I finally moved down.
02:32:56.000 I lived there for two years, and I made a couple friends, and then a couple years later, I went down there just to visit them, and I banged like three chicks in a week.
02:33:02.000 I'm like, I didn't even have three under my belt my whole life.
02:33:05.000 That's hilarious.
02:33:06.000 And then, like six months later, I go, you know what, I'm just moving down there just so I can get laid.
02:33:09.000 And that's why it was the only thing.
02:33:11.000 Now, what do you think it is?
02:33:12.000 Because it's such a transient state?
02:33:14.000 Because that's a big part of what Florida is, like people from the East Coast that just move down there. 0.97
02:33:18.000 Yeah, because you always get them in that wild phase for a couple years, where they just go, I want to get away from my family, I just want to go have fun, and I want to try it down here.
02:33:26.000 So you get those girls in that phase, and then eventually they move back to wherever they are, usually. 0.98
02:33:31.000 Yeah. 0.99
02:33:31.000 And a lot of like, you know, it's a weird state because there's a lot of white trash and there's hot chicks in Miami and there's rednecks all over. 0.99
02:33:38.000 It's a weird, super weird state. 0.99
02:33:40.000 Yeah, it's a weird state too because for the longest time it was how immigrants got into the country from Cuba and how they brought drugs in through Miami.
02:33:47.000 So South Florida was just chaos.
02:33:50.000 And then northern Florida is basically Kentucky.
02:33:52.000 You know, you're basically living in the deep, deep south in northern Florida.
02:33:56.000 The further north you get, the more southern United States you actually get.
02:34:00.000 Like Florida, like the south of Florida, doesn't even seem like the south. 0.98
02:34:05.000 You know, it's more like some weird fucking offshoot of Long Island. 0.98
02:34:09.000 Yeah, absolutely. 0.96
02:34:11.000 Miami, Fort Lauderdale, all that stuff, West Palm Beach, rich area.
02:34:14.000 It's like Long Island meets...
02:34:16.000 The Caribbean.
02:34:17.000 Or Long Island meets Cuba.
02:34:19.000 You know, that's what it's like.
02:34:20.000 Yeah. 0.99
02:34:21.000 It's just like this weird fucking, just people that just had to get the fuck out of Dodge and came down. 1.00
02:34:28.000 Nutty-ass fucking town to do comedy, too. 1.00
02:34:30.000 Oh, yeah, I was just down there in Miami. 1.00
02:34:32.000 Did you stand up?
02:34:33.000 Yeah.
02:34:33.000 Where were you working?
02:34:34.000 There's a place called the Home Field Comedy Club.
02:34:36.000 I guess it used to be an improv.
02:34:37.000 It's in Kendall.
02:34:38.000 Oh, yeah?
02:34:39.000 Yeah, it was a good room.
02:34:40.000 I mean, it's part of a sports bar.
02:34:41.000 They don't...
02:34:41.000 It's not like...
02:34:42.000 But they got their own back room and stuff where they do comedy.
02:34:45.000 It holds like 300 people.
02:34:46.000 That's cool.
02:34:47.000 Yeah, it was pretty good.
02:34:48.000 What are you doing over there, little child?
02:34:50.000 What?
02:34:51.000 Why my child?
02:34:52.000 Because you're playing with your phone while we're doing a podcast.
02:34:54.000 Oh, sorry.
02:34:56.000 Pfft! 0.63
02:34:59.000 I can't believe I spell it out.
02:35:00.000 I was just putting a Wednesday show at the Comedy Store in my calendar.
02:35:04.000 Oh, thank you.
02:35:05.000 Do you still go back to where you grew up?
02:35:09.000 Do you do any stand-up where you...
02:35:10.000 Where'd you grow up?
02:35:12.000 I grew up in Jersey.
02:35:13.000 Do you do stand-up near the area where you grew up?
02:35:16.000 Yeah, I mean, the Stress Factory.
02:35:17.000 You know the Stress Factory in New Brunswick?
02:35:19.000 Right.
02:35:19.000 It was a comedy club.
02:35:20.000 That's kind of where I started.
02:35:21.000 That's a great spot.
02:35:22.000 Yeah.
02:35:23.000 New Brunswick's great, too, because it's a cool town.
02:35:25.000 Cool town right next to Rutgers, you know?
02:35:28.000 I just filmed a comedy special there a few months back.
02:35:31.000 At Vinnie Brand's place?
02:35:31.000 No, George Street Playhouse.
02:35:33.000 It's a theater, like a 400-seat theater.
02:35:35.000 Oh, cool.
02:35:35.000 I just did it there.
02:35:36.000 That's a good place to do it.
02:35:37.000 Yeah, I couldn't do it at Vinnie's place.
02:35:39.000 I didn't want the comedy club feel.
02:35:41.000 I wanted more like a theater feel for it.
02:35:43.000 Yeah, I started doing my last one I did in a comedy club and I think I'm gonna do them in a comedy club from now on I think that doing them in a theater you just don't you lose something and a large large stage Yeah, and I feel like people at home you're watching you're in a living room You know it's an intimate spot like you I think you could relate more to someone on stage in front of like a couple hundred people than you know,
02:36:05.000 maybe a thousand I think the model was to get it sold to a Netflix or a Showtime and HBO. They wanted it to look big.
02:36:12.000 But now you can do it all on your own.
02:36:14.000 It doesn't matter.
02:36:15.000 As long as it's good, I don't think it matters. 0.82
02:36:16.000 I'm also thinking from now on that it doesn't matter about edits and shit like that. 0.73
02:36:20.000 I think you should have one camera. 0.61
02:36:22.000 One camera that's in the center of the room, above the crowd, catches the first couple rows of the crowd and you.
02:36:28.000 And that's it.
02:36:29.000 Nothing moving around.
02:36:30.000 Just one clear shot of what you're doing.
02:36:33.000 Just like watching it in a comedy club.
02:36:36.000 Because I think that all this like cutting it from the side and all this fancy shit they're doing with editing It doesn't exist when you go to see a comedy show and when you go to see a comedy show Like it's the funniest thing you'll ever see in your life is a comic on stage killing in a comedy club You're in the back of the room and you're just watching and laughing and you're just looking right at it There's no crazy angles.
02:36:56.000 There's no weird cuts.
02:36:57.000 There's no shots of the audience laughing all that stuff's unnatural.
02:37:01.000 Yeah Yeah, mine I only had like the first two rows.
02:37:04.000 I said, go to them maybe two or three times the whole show.
02:37:06.000 That's it.
02:37:07.000 I wanted it dark.
02:37:09.000 Yeah, they wanted that.
02:37:10.000 I'm like, I don't need that.
02:37:12.000 They can hear the laughs.
02:37:13.000 And you know what?
02:37:14.000 People at home know if they want to laugh or not.
02:37:15.000 I don't need a laugh track.
02:37:17.000 Yeah, they like to light up that audience.
02:37:18.000 They light up the audience, and that's weird because everybody gets like self-conscious.
02:37:22.000 Yeah, that's always the worst.
02:37:24.000 That's a weird style that they have of doing these comedy specials.
02:37:28.000 They have this set up at the Irvine Improv.
02:37:30.000 Have you done that place yet?
02:37:32.000 The new place?
02:37:32.000 No, I haven't done the new one.
02:37:33.000 It's fucking amazing. 0.96
02:37:34.000 I was just there last weekend. 0.98
02:37:36.000 They have it set up for a comedy special.
02:37:38.000 So when you're in the green room, if you're watching, you can watch on TV just the camera they have. 0.99
02:37:42.000 You're like, holy shit, that's perfect. 0.99
02:37:43.000 That's all you need. 0.99
02:37:44.000 Like, the one camera they have that catches the entire stage that you're on, like, the camera can follow you, they can move it a little bit if you go left or right, and that's all you need.
02:37:53.000 It's really, it's set up perfect.
02:37:55.000 Yeah, I mean, it seems like, you know, the comedy specials used to cost like a quarter million to shoot.
02:37:59.000 That was basically the number you needed to raise or whatever.
02:38:02.000 Now you can do it for... 0.99
02:38:03.000 Fucking 15 grand, 10 grand. 0.99
02:38:05.000 And it can look amazing. 0.99
02:38:06.000 It's in the last, like, three or four years.
02:38:08.000 What changed?
02:38:10.000 The cameras.
02:38:11.000 And just, you know, you don't have to rent out the biggest theater somewhere.
02:38:15.000 The Wiltern or whatever, you know, where it's going to cost a ton of money and hire a real big crew and all that stuff and have seven different cameras.
02:38:21.000 I think you could do it.
02:38:23.000 Everything's getting cheaper and cheaper.
02:38:24.000 Yeah, Hinchcliffe did his entire show.
02:38:26.000 He did it with one shot, one camera, follows him into the club, follows him on stage, pans of him on stage.
02:38:33.000 The whole thing was shot with one camera.
02:38:35.000 Joe, remember when I used to go on the road with you and I would have two cameras on the sides, one camera in the middle, and then I would just have a camera that would walk around and do zoom-ins.
02:38:44.000 And that right there, it was a whole special, a comedy special.
02:38:48.000 That's all you need, really. 1.00
02:38:50.000 I think they over-engineer those fucking things. 1.00
02:38:52.000 They really do. 1.00
02:38:52.000 They do have boom mics. 1.00
02:38:54.000 I've seen people have boom mics.
02:38:55.000 They scan the entire crowd and get up to the stage.
02:38:57.000 Like, what are you doing?
02:38:58.000 That just takes away from what this guy's talking about.
02:39:02.000 Yeah, next one I'm going to do in a comedy club.
02:39:06.000 I want to, yeah.
02:39:08.000 A small little theater, like, you know, a little space, maybe in New York, 200 seats, something like that.
02:39:13.000 Yeah, I think that's the future.
02:39:14.000 Like, Louis C.K. did his thing at the Comedy Store.
02:39:17.000 He did his last one in the main room.
02:39:19.000 That was great.
02:39:20.000 That's kind of a big room, too.
02:39:21.000 The main room's kind of big because it's got, like, a high ceiling.
02:39:24.000 That's a very unusual club in the sense that it seems a lot bigger than it really is.
02:39:29.000 It's only, like, 300 people, right?
02:39:31.000 Yeah.
02:39:32.000 Yeah, 300, 350, I think, if they pack it in there.
02:39:35.000 But it seems less intimate than a lot of rooms that are that size.
02:39:39.000 Like, there's a lot of comedy clubs that have 300 people that seem like way more packed in.
02:39:44.000 That's such an old-school showroom, you know, with the big giant stage and everything.
02:39:48.000 The lights.
02:39:48.000 Yeah, that's like as old-school as it gets, that place.
02:39:53.000 But, yeah, doing those, like, you feel like you're there, you know, doing something at the store, doing something at the ice house.
02:39:59.000 You feel like you're there.
02:40:00.000 If you're watching a guy on stage at Madison Square Garden, you know, you can enjoy it, but you don't really, I don't think you ever really feel like you're there.
02:40:08.000 I think that Kevin Hart's going to do, he's doing, financial field is what Eagles play, a stadium.
02:40:15.000 Jesus Christ.
02:40:16.000 And I think that's going to be his next special.
02:40:17.000 Oh, isn't he doing like 60,000 people?
02:40:19.000 Yeah, 60,000 people.
02:40:20.000 That's insane.
02:40:22.000 Well, he has a crazy show, though.
02:40:23.000 He doesn't do just stand-up.
02:40:25.000 He has, like, explosions.
02:40:26.000 He has pyrotechnics. 1.00
02:40:28.000 Like, he hits punchlines and a fire goes off behind him and shit. 0.99
02:40:31.000 He has, like, a screen that changes behind him. 0.98
02:40:34.000 Like, he'll start talking about a place where he was at and then the screen behind him will be of that place.
02:40:39.000 Really?
02:40:39.000 Yeah, it's a pretty sophisticated setup, apparently.
02:40:42.000 He has a whole group of employees that are a road team that have to set up a stage.
02:40:49.000 That's not a small production. 0.99
02:40:51.000 That's a fucking Major League production, what he's doing. 0.98
02:40:53.000 So he's like the kiss of stand-up. 0.99
02:40:56.000 Yeah, for sure.
02:40:56.000 Well, definitely no one has ever sold more tickets than that guy.
02:40:59.000 No.
02:41:00.000 In comedy.
02:41:01.000 That guy sold out the Boston Garden two shows on a Sunday night.
02:41:05.000 On a Sunday night.
02:41:06.000 I believe it was Sunday.
02:41:07.000 I'm pretty sure. 0.99
02:41:08.000 But either way, two shows in a night at the Boston Garden, that's fucking crazy. 0.97
02:41:12.000 That's like 30,000 people. 0.94
02:41:14.000 I mean, I've never heard of anybody doing that.
02:41:17.000 He's probably...
02:41:18.000 It used to be probably it was Dice, and then it was Dane Cook.
02:41:22.000 And I think Kevin Hart has eclipsed both of them.
02:41:25.000 I think so, yeah.
02:41:26.000 There's 60,000 people at Financial Field.
02:41:28.000 But I heard that Larry the Cable Guy does numbers like that in the South.
02:41:32.000 That he did...
02:41:33.000 Josh Wolfe opened up for him and took a photo of the audience.
02:41:35.000 He was at a football stadium.
02:41:37.000 And Josh Wolfe's on stage, and he's taking a selfie of... 0.99
02:41:40.000 There's 50,000 fucking people behind him. 1.00
02:41:42.000 It's nuts. 1.00
02:41:44.000 He said that he'll do like football stadiums.
02:41:47.000 Yeah, I could see that.
02:41:48.000 He was, I guess, right before Dane, and then when Dane came, he kind of took the torch from him.
02:41:55.000 And then Russell Peters, you've got to think of Russell Peters, too.
02:41:59.000 Yeah, Russell Peters, he kills it outside the country, but I don't think there's a place in America where he could do it that's like 50,000 people.
02:42:04.000 No, he's done Barclay Center in Brooklyn.
02:42:07.000 He sold that out, 20,000.
02:42:08.000 He's done The Garden before.
02:42:09.000 I don't know if he does two or three nights, but he's selling a lot of tickets.
02:42:13.000 He did two shows at The Garden in one night. 0.95
02:42:16.000 The Garden is such a crazy place for stand-up because you think about the Garden, you think about like great heavyweight title fights and shit like that. 0.98
02:42:22.000 I know. 0.96
02:42:23.000 Someone would be on stage at the Garden telling jokes.
02:42:26.000 Billy Joel's got the craziest gig.
02:42:28.000 He goes to the Garden once a month.
02:42:30.000 Once a month.
02:42:31.000 That's what he does. 1.00
02:42:31.000 Drives in, probably drives a motorcycle that crazy fuck, drives down to the Garden, gets on stage, kills it, has all these, all the old women that your friend fucks in Florida, they all fly up for that. 1.00
02:42:42.000 Absolutely. 1.00
02:42:45.000 They're probably going off all over themselves.
02:42:47.000 What are you doing over there, Brian?
02:42:48.000 I was trying to think of Steve Martin.
02:42:51.000 Didn't he used to sell out like arenas?
02:42:53.000 He did big places for sure.
02:42:55.000 Before he quit.
02:42:56.000 Before he quit, he did some large places.
02:42:58.000 But he hit that point, we've talked about this a bunch of times on the podcast, where he hit that point where he didn't know what was funny anymore because people laughed at anything he did.
02:43:06.000 He was Steve Martin.
02:43:08.000 You get out there, they were just so happy to see him. 0.98
02:43:10.000 Patton Oswalt has a fucking hilarious bit about, remember I told you about that casino I did north of Seattle and I got there was like the most drunk audience I've ever performed for in my fucking life. 0.96
02:43:22.000 I've never had more people heckle like at a big casino when they're spending a lot of money. 0.98
02:43:26.000 It was nuts.
02:43:27.000 It's called Tuulip and I was in my car, Tuulip?
02:43:31.000 Tuulip.
02:43:32.000 I was in my car just randomly.
02:43:34.000 I have Patton Oswalt's new comedy CD on my phone, and so randomly it was playing all these different things.
02:43:41.000 It would play a song, then it would play someone's bit.
02:43:44.000 I just put it on random. 0.97
02:43:45.000 And it played Patton Oswalt's bit about going to that fucking very same casino. 0.99
02:43:51.000 No way! 0.98
02:43:51.000 I didn't even know he had a bid on it. 0.98
02:43:53.000 It's hilarious because I'm like, this is the place! 0.81
02:43:55.000 I could relate on such a level because I had fucking just worked there. 0.91
02:44:00.000 They pay a shitload of money too. 0.99
02:44:01.000 It's ridiculous how much money they pay. 0.98
02:44:03.000 And you go, wow, this is crazy.
02:44:05.000 They're paying a lot of money.
02:44:06.000 And it's like an hour outside of Seattle.
02:44:09.000 So you drive an hour from Seattle and then you get there.
02:44:12.000 And once the show starts, you realize exactly why they're paying you so much.
02:44:15.000 They're like, nobody wants to work here.
02:44:16.000 They have to pay you a lot of money to get you to deal with this crowd.
02:44:21.000 Maniacs. 1.00
02:44:21.000 The drunkest fucking people I've ever performed for. 1.00
02:44:24.000 But they were great. 1.00
02:44:24.000 Just heckling or no? 1.00
02:44:26.000 Oh yeah, a lot of heckling.
02:44:26.000 I barely got bits out.
02:44:28.000 I did an hour plus on stage, maybe an hour and ten.
02:44:31.000 I might have got two bits out.
02:44:33.000 Maybe three.
02:44:34.000 Maybe two.
02:44:35.000 Who opened for you?
02:44:36.000 Tony?
02:44:36.000 Tony opened, yeah.
02:44:37.000 How did he do?
02:44:39.000 Tony did well.
02:44:41.000 Was it Tony or was it Thompson?
02:44:43.000 No, I'm pretty sure it was Tony.
02:44:45.000 Yeah, he did great.
02:44:47.000 Tony's funny.
02:44:47.000 You know, he's got good jokes.
02:44:49.000 Tony's like, you know, he knows how to like...
02:44:52.000 Well, that's his crowd too, the heckler, you know?
02:44:53.000 Oh, yeah, for sure, if someone was heckling.
02:44:56.000 But they were good. 0.97
02:44:57.000 You know, I mean, they were just really fucking hammered. 0.79
02:44:59.000 I just think that a lot of those people that live out there, there's not a lot to do. 0.99
02:45:03.000 They just get fucked up. 0.98
02:45:04.000 Yeah, go to the casino, get messed up. 0.99
02:45:07.000 Yeah, that outside of Seattle area is very different than the Seattle area.
02:45:11.000 Like, people look at Washington State, they go, oh yeah, Seattle.
02:45:14.000 Well, sorta. 0.96
02:45:15.000 Go an hour outside of Seattle, and you've got that place where that Enum Claw, where that guy got fucked to death by the horse. 0.99
02:45:21.000 Well, they used to have no laws on whether or not people can have sex with animals, so people flocked to there and moved in, they started farms and filmed them fucking animals and having animals fuck them. 0.99
02:45:31.000 Like, that's an hour outside of Seattle. 0.99
02:45:34.000 So, don't get it twisted.
02:45:37.000 Washington State's a crazy place.
02:45:39.000 It's got a lot of great spots in it, but it's a crazy place.
02:45:43.000 Seattle is not representative of most.
02:45:45.000 Like California.
02:45:46.000 Everybody thinks that LA is like California.
02:45:48.000 Okay, go to Bakersfield.
02:45:50.000 It's not that far away.
02:45:51.000 Yeah.
02:45:52.000 Take a drive. 0.97
02:45:52.000 Take a drive, you know, up to some of the weird fucking spots near the mountains off the 118. I remember the first time, even when I went to Sacramento, when I landed at the airport, I'm like, what the fuck? 0.97
02:46:03.000 This is California? 0.99
02:46:04.000 Exactly.
02:46:04.000 Go to Fontana.
02:46:05.000 They used to call it Fontucky when we were doing Fairfactor out there.
02:46:10.000 Yeah.
02:46:11.000 Dude, I know there was a place nearby where a meth lab blew up in this guy's backyard. 1.00
02:46:17.000 Yeah, guy had a fucking meth lab in his backyard. 0.99
02:46:20.000 Normal, regular, everyday California community. 1.00
02:46:23.000 California, we think of California, everybody immediately thinks of like Beverly Hills, Hollywood.
02:46:29.000 Just drive an hour outside in any direction, you might as well be in Oklahoma, you know? 0.99
02:46:33.000 There's a lot of spots in California that are fucked up. 0.99
02:46:37.000 Wow. 0.99
02:46:38.000 That drive up to San Francisco where you go through all the agricultural towns.
02:46:41.000 Whew.
02:46:42.000 If you're a kid, your mom shit you out in one of these towns, you gotta go to these local schools, and you're like, Jesus Christ, and you know, you're just a two-hour drive to L.A. If you could just get a car, just get a car, you could fucking end this nonsense. 0.99
02:46:55.000 So a moment in high school, the moment you get some freedom, your friend's got a fucking car, and you got a full tank of gas, let's do it, we're going into L.A., let's go to L.A., He'd drive down and wish you lived here. 0.98
02:47:05.000 See all the civilized people. 0.98
02:47:08.000 No dirt roads.
02:47:09.000 You just wish.
02:47:10.000 You wish you could be here. 0.99
02:47:12.000 So this funky fucking agricultural town with right-wing Republican billboards everywhere. 0.99
02:47:19.000 Everywhere you go, all these different Republican candidates for president and senator. 0.99
02:47:24.000 They're super right-wing up there.
02:47:26.000 And they're fighting over water now.
02:47:29.000 Now when you drive up there, it's all these things about water rights, like, you know, go to this website, check out this, we need, you know, we need to establish our water rights.
02:47:42.000 It's weird.
02:47:44.000 Almonds apparently suck up a bunch of it.
02:47:47.000 Can we just stop using almonds?
02:47:48.000 If we just, no almonds and no golf, how much water would we have? 0.99
02:47:54.000 Fuckload. 0.99
02:47:54.000 Almonds? 0.99
02:47:55.000 Yeah.
02:47:56.000 Almonds apparently takes a lot of water to make an almond.
02:48:00.000 Yeah.
02:48:01.000 I think it still wouldn't help though.
02:48:03.000 It would only help a little.
02:48:04.000 They say apparently this is the worst drought that California has ever on record. 0.95
02:48:08.000 And that we're four years into this fucked up drought. 0.71
02:48:11.000 That they need something like 11 trillion gallons of water just to break even. 0.79
02:48:16.000 And the unlikelihood of that happening.
02:48:18.000 Pump it out of Houston.
02:48:20.000 They're about to get flooded tomorrow.
02:48:22.000 Again.
02:48:22.000 Yeah, right?
02:48:23.000 If they can pump oil out of Houston, why can't they pump water?
02:48:25.000 Because we don't use as much oil as we use water.
02:48:27.000 That's why.
02:48:28.000 I answer my own question.
02:48:33.000 All right, Jim Florentine, let's wrap this podcast up.
02:48:36.000 Anything else you want to say to the people?
02:48:38.000 No, that's it, man.
02:48:39.000 It was a pleasure doing the podcast.
02:48:41.000 It's a pleasure having you on, fella.
02:48:43.000 Absolutely, man.
02:48:43.000 Good to see you, buddy.
02:48:44.000 It's been a long time, yeah.
02:48:44.000 It has been a long time.
02:48:46.000 Mr. Jim Florentine on Twitter.
02:48:49.000 JimFlorentine.com, right?
02:48:50.000 Yeah.
02:48:51.000 Facebook, got all that jazz? 1.00
02:48:52.000 Yeah, all that shit. 1.00
02:48:52.000 Do you Periscope? 1.00
02:48:53.000 No.
02:48:54.000 No?
02:48:54.000 Well, Brian Redband does.
02:48:55.000 Yes.
02:48:56.000 Brian Redband has had 10,000 people watch him at once.
02:48:59.000 That's great.
02:49:00.000 It's too much.
02:49:00.000 It's the highlight of his life.
02:49:01.000 It's too much.
02:49:02.000 I can't.
02:49:02.000 Can't do it?
02:49:03.000 Yeah.
02:49:03.000 Enough?
02:49:05.000 Yeah, I don't know.
02:49:06.000 Like I said, I'll wait for six months.
02:49:08.000 There'll be a new one, and I'll jump on that.
02:49:10.000 There will be, or Periscope will be undeniable.
02:49:12.000 It'll be too late.
02:49:13.000 We'll be at the Comedy Store this Wednesday night.
02:49:15.000 There's a new material show at 8 o'clock, and then I'm doing that, and then I'm doing the show at 10 o'clock with these two fine gentlemen.
02:49:23.000 And then this weekend, Friday and Saturday, I'm at the Belly Room.
02:49:28.000 I'm in the Belly Room at the store with Ian Edwards.
02:49:30.000 Until then, all right, bye-bye.