The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #669 - Joey Diaz

00:00:00.000 We're live.

00:00:00.000 Ba-bam.

00:00:02.000 So this story's about...

00:00:04.000 We're talking about G. Gordon Liddy.

00:00:05.000 So G. Gordon Liddy, in this episode of Miami Vice, was a sergeant in Vietnam, and right when Saigon fell, he held on to 300 kilos of pure heroin, and he took it to the United States in dead bodies.

00:00:16.000 This is what the episode's about.

00:00:18.000 1986, Miami Vice.

00:00:19.000 They bring it to Miami, and he sat on it for 20 years.

00:00:23.000 Until the value went all the way up, just like an investment.

00:00:26.000 And then he let it loose, but by that time it had gotten contaminated and started killing junkies all up and down on the East Coast.

00:00:32.000 What a brilliant episode. 0.99

00:00:34.000 So they had to go in and dig for G. Gore and Liddy, and this motherfucker shows up, right, for like this board meeting. 0.99

00:00:41.000 That's when I had to leave the house. 0.99

00:00:42.000 He shows up to this board meeting, he's like, yeah, the heroin was mine, blah, blah, blah.

00:00:45.000 He goes, I guarantee, they called him Sergeant Real Estate.

00:00:48.000 And in the episode, he goes, I guess you guys forget who the hell I am.

00:00:51.000 He turns around, he goes in his briefcase, and he throws a chain of ears on the tape when he walks out.

00:00:57.000 That's it.

00:00:59.000 That's the episode.

00:01:00.000 Tremendous.

00:01:00.000 And this is 80-what?

00:01:01.000 This is 86, this episode on Miami.

00:01:04.000 This is way before American Gangster was talking about it.

00:01:06.000 This was already out that they were bringing heroin and dead bodies.

00:01:10.000 And that's how the episode starts.

00:01:12.000 The reporter takes Don Johnson to the morgue and he opens it up in Vietnam and he goes, this is your friend.

00:01:18.000 Stick your hand in there.

00:01:19.000 It was just pure heroin.

00:01:21.000 That was what they did, right?

00:01:22.000 That's what they were doing towards the end.

00:01:24.000 I don't know, the beginning.

00:01:25.000 But it was really the CIA. They're blaming it all on some black guy from Harlem. 0.96

00:01:29.000 Well, you know, there's a guy named Mr. Nice. 0.55

00:01:31.000 I forget what his name is.

00:01:32.000 Something, Banks?

00:01:33.000 A famous drug dealer.

00:01:35.000 What he said was it wasn't the CIA. What it was is some people in the CIA. He said it's some cowboys in the CIA. And that's what makes the most sense to me.

00:01:44.000 Like, this idea that the big organization in the CIA would be involved in drug smuggling seems like so crazy.

00:01:50.000 A to Z, Joe Rogan?

00:01:51.000 It's too many heads turned.

00:01:53.000 There's plenty of people.

00:01:53.000 There's plenty of people that did do it.

00:01:56.000 Look, there's plenty of examples.

00:01:57.000 Like, there's an example right now of this thing called the Silk Road.

00:02:00.000 You know about the Silk Road?

00:02:01.000 The Silk Road was this underground drug-dealing network that this guy had created.

00:02:07.000 And they were just selling mad money, mad drugs underground.

00:02:11.000 And they created this thing.

00:02:14.000 It's a total...

00:02:18.000 What it is, is it operates like completely under the wire.

00:02:22.000 And these DEA guys, I think it was DEA? They infiltrated it.

00:02:26.000 And they got into the Silk Road.

00:02:27.000 One of the first things they did, they started stealing money.

00:02:29.000 Now these guys are in jail.

00:02:31.000 They're going to jail right now.

00:02:32.000 They're in court right now.

00:02:33.000 And they're wondering whether or not this case is even valid, because these guys for sure had access to this guy's account.

00:02:40.000 And part of what they were trying to try this guy on is his complicit...

00:02:46.000 He was complicit in the drug selling, and there was also some possibility that people were murdered, although there was no body. 0.99

00:02:52.000 There's a lot of kinky shit going on with this. 1.00

00:02:54.000 And the kinkiest part is that the agents were stealing money. 0.99

00:02:57.000 Bitcoins.

00:02:58.000 Yes, they were stealing hundreds of thousands of dollars in Bitcoin.

00:03:01.000 So they realized that there was a lot of value in this. 1.00

00:03:04.000 Like, that shit has always gone on. 0.99

00:03:06.000 I think the reason why you have guys like this that are showing up in the Silk Road case, there's always been cowboys. 0.99

00:03:11.000 But I think there's been good guys, too.

00:03:13.000 There's been guys who are in the CIA that really did it for America.

00:03:17.000 I had this guy Michael Baker in, man. 0.99

00:03:19.000 I'm pretty good at recognizing bullshit. 0.99

00:03:21.000 You know, and he's a longtime CIA operative, and he's a fucking great guy. 0.99

00:03:25.000 I mean, he really does seem like he loves America. 0.99

00:03:28.000 Like, I don't think he's bullshitting. 0.99

00:03:30.000 I think there's a lot of those guys, they get in those positions, and they get a group of them together, just like they did with Rampart, with those fucking bad cops. 0.98

00:03:37.000 They get a group of them together, and they go, look, What happened? 0.98

00:03:41.000 Oops, I popped that out.

00:03:42.000 They get together.

00:03:43.000 Look, all these guys are making money, right? 1.00

00:03:45.000 Fuck them! 1.00

00:03:46.000 They're all criminals and scumbags and cunts. 1.00

00:03:48.000 Let's just get some of this money, man. 1.00

00:03:50.000 Let's just get some of this money.

00:03:52.000 Come on, man. 1.00

00:03:53.000 You're never gonna stop these fucking people. 1.00

00:03:54.000 This is what we do. 1.00

00:03:55.000 We keep throwing a few of them in jail. 1.00

00:03:57.000 We do whatever the fuck we gotta do. 1.00

00:03:59.000 We're the gang here. 0.99

00:04:01.000 We got the law on our side. 0.99

00:04:02.000 Let's fucking make some money. 0.99

00:04:03.000 Well, when I said CIA, I shouldn't have said that. 0.99

00:04:06.000 You're absolutely right.

00:04:07.000 There was factions, like a brown bag, like a black bag faction that went in after the Marines would go in and they'd shoot everybody and throw cards. 0.99

00:04:16.000 You know, whatever the fuck it was. 0.98

00:04:17.000 When you're shipping heroin, From wherever the fuck that is considered, all the way to the United States, through three or two different airports, and people have to unload them, and you have, you know, whatever people walking through your plane when they first come in, 0.99

00:04:34.000 you know, to inspect them. 0.88

00:04:35.000 That's a lot of people you gotta grease.

00:04:37.000 There has to be somebody huge.

00:04:39.000 You know, this isn't me and you getting a boat and going to Columbia and paying some guy with me and Red Band and we just shoot across with police scanners and try our best.

00:04:49.000 You know, to make, to infiltrate, to bring in that amount of heroin, you have to spend a lot of dough.

00:04:56.000 That's where your costs come in.

00:04:58.000 That's where you set the wholesale and the retail prices.

00:05:01.000 You know, years ago, 20 years ago, they would smuggle it 60 miles in, 70, 45, 50 miles in from the United States around Miami, and they would dump it overboard with weights.

00:05:12.000 And 12 hours later, the boom would explode, and the bales would rise up, and you'd come by, a fisherman would come by and put the bales in.

00:05:20.000 Meanwhile, the DEA was looking for that boat that was speeding across on their radar.

00:05:26.000 But they would throw, you know, that takes expensive equipment to devise, something to throw you, you know, 50 pounds of cocaine 100 feet under the water, and then 12 hours later, everything blows, and your coke rises to the top.

00:05:40.000 And now some guy comes and just picks it up.

00:05:42.000 This is brilliant stuff.

00:05:43.000 That's so crazy!

00:05:45.000 That's really what they did?

00:05:46.000 That was one part of the things they did. 0.98

00:05:48.000 You know, after a while, to beat the federal government, you gotta, you gotta, and it doesn't, listen, man, what the budget is for fighting drugs and what a drug dealer spends a month, I'm talking about a guy that's bringing in a thousand kilos a month of powder, whether it be heroin or fucking cocaine. 0.97

00:06:05.000 That's big! 0.84

00:06:07.000 Somebody's got to be turning around.

00:06:08.000 And they were flooding the market with heroin.

00:06:12.000 I remember being a little boy in New York and going to visit my godmother or my mother's friends and seeing people everywhere nodding. 0.99

00:06:20.000 Early New York to me was a fucking... 0.99

00:06:22.000 What's the show now where people are dead walking around Atlanta? 1.00

00:06:27.000 Walking here.

00:06:27.000 I saw that growing up.

00:06:29.000 I saw that growing up as a kid.

00:06:31.000 That's Skid Row.

00:06:32.000 Where they used to have, in Harlem, Spanish Harlem, Black Harlem. 0.96

00:06:36.000 Skid Row is scarier than all those places.

00:06:37.000 You know, they had people nodding at the lights. 1.00

00:06:39.000 People waiting across the street and they'd nod at the fucking lights. 0.99

00:06:42.000 You know what they don't have, though, in New York, that they have here in L.A.? See, in New York, all these cities have buildings. 0.98

00:06:47.000 There's, like, these streets where these people are.

00:06:51.000 It's like, these are places where other folks go.

00:06:53.000 Like, you got all your homeless people, you got, you know, your poor people, but there's cars that go through those areas, and it's, you know, it's well-traveled.

00:07:02.000 Like, New York blends more.

00:07:04.000 L.A. has these blocks that are just homeless people.

00:07:07.000 And when I mean just homeless people, I'm talking...

00:07:12.000 Thousands.

00:07:13.000 Like, there literally might be a thousand people on this block.

00:07:17.000 Oh, dude.

00:07:18.000 You've seen them?

00:07:18.000 Oh, yeah.

00:07:19.000 You make a wrong turn and you get right in the middle of it also.

00:07:22.000 It's a Michael Jackson video.

00:07:23.000 Yeah.

00:07:24.000 It really is.

00:07:25.000 It's insane.

00:07:25.000 Where?

00:07:26.000 Downtown.

00:07:27.000 There's a spot, what they call Skid Row.

00:07:29.000 It actually says, if you go on Google Map and type Skid Row Los Angeles, it actually says Skid Row on the map.

00:07:34.000 And is it like a mile long?

00:07:36.000 I mean, is it a couple blocks long?

00:07:37.000 I'll show you.

00:07:38.000 It's a lot.

00:07:39.000 There's more than one area.

00:07:42.000 There's like one long street.

00:07:43.000 But we used to work, when we did Fear Factor, we used to work in these buildings.

00:07:47.000 And these buildings were a lot of them abandoned textile buildings, or they were renting them out.

00:07:52.000 It's where American Apparel actually is made.

00:07:54.000 It's really weird.

00:07:55.000 We were in the American Apparel factory.

00:07:57.000 We had to go through the American Apparel factory to get to the roof.

00:08:00.000 We watched them make their clothes.

00:08:02.000 They do make them in downtown LA. It's like one of the things they pride themselves in.

00:08:06.000 Jesus! 1.00

00:08:07.000 Fuckin' Christ, Joey Diaz! 0.99

00:08:09.000 But we would go to the top of these, um... 1.00

00:08:13.000 Hang up on it.

00:08:13.000 Jesus Christ.

00:08:14.000 You checking to see who the fuck it is? 1.00

00:08:15.000 No, I'm checking it right now. 0.99

00:08:17.000 Sorry.

00:08:18.000 That's all right.

00:08:19.000 We would go to the top of these buildings, and you could literally...

00:08:23.000 There was areas where, you know, you could see them, like, leaking out into the rest of the streets.

00:08:27.000 And if you drove down there, if you drove down the street...

00:08:29.000 I'm not bullshitting.

00:08:30.000 You would see hundreds, hundreds of homeless people just swarming the streets.

00:08:35.000 And there's these areas where they have, like, um...

00:08:39.000 It's crazy, Joey.

00:08:41.000 They have these areas where they have, like, they give them food, or they have, you know, areas where they can get medical assistance, stuff like that, and those areas are particularly dense.

00:08:50.000 Now, when I shot NYPD Blue, I shot at a downtown location, that's a pool hall, kind of, sort of, and they had tons of homeless people, and when I was standing there, I heard people going in, talking about how they had day rentals, The government would pay for 15 days and they'd be out in the street for 15 days. 0.98

00:09:07.000 Shit like that. 0.95

00:09:08.000 But I didn't see that. 1.00

00:09:09.000 I didn't see like a tent ville like that.

00:09:11.000 This seems mild compared to what I saw.

00:09:14.000 When was this?

00:09:14.000 What year is this?

00:09:16.000 Well, maybe they've cleaned it up a little.

00:09:18.000 Well, it's also during the day. 0.99

00:09:19.000 I've gone through the night at nighttime, and that's scary as fuck. 0.99

00:09:23.000 Jamie, hold on, go back, go back. 0.96

00:09:24.000 I want to see what the statistics were.

00:09:26.000 There's homeless people in every city, and it's out of proportion in some cities more than others.

00:09:32.000 Here, pause on that for a second.

00:09:33.000 Skid Row is an area of downtown L.A., 2,000.

00:09:36.000 The population of the district was 17,740.

00:09:39.000 Skid Row is defined as...

00:09:41.000 Oh, my God. 0.99

00:09:42.000 What the fuck does that mean? 0.99

00:09:44.000 Defined in a decision by Jones versus City of Los Angeles is the area east of Main Street, south of 3rd Street, and west of Alameda Street. 0.98

00:09:51.000 So it's kind of like a block.

00:09:54.000 It's like an area.

00:09:55.000 But that area has 17,000 homeless people.

00:09:57.000 Is that right? 1.00

00:09:58.000 That's a goddamn Kevin Hart concert. 1.00

00:10:01.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:10:04.000 With the fire and everything.

00:10:06.000 Boom! 0.99

00:10:07.000 Kevin Hart sold out Madison Square Garden three fucking shows in a row. 1.00

00:10:11.000 He's a monster. 1.00

00:10:12.000 Comedy's at an all-time high. 0.87

00:10:13.000 He's the biggest comedian of all time.

00:10:16.000 Kevin, no one's ever been as big as Kevin Hart.

00:10:18.000 As far as popularity, no one even close.

00:10:20.000 I can't think of one person.

00:10:22.000 I think there's a couple guys that got up to that edge, but I think he's taken it to a totally different stratosphere.

00:10:27.000 Dane got pretty far.

00:10:28.000 He got on that edge.

00:10:29.000 Louie's on that edge.

00:10:31.000 But Kevin Hart is, like, routinely doing these crazy arena shows.

00:10:34.000 He's doing 40,000-plus people, or he's sold 40,000-plus tickets already for a show in Philly where he's filming a special. 0.98

00:10:42.000 Dude, it's just total next-level positive energy shit. 0.78

00:10:46.000 And if you go to that kid's Instagram page, his Instagram is all about, like, positive, like, energy, like, going to work. 0.98

00:10:53.000 I'm doing what I love to do.

00:10:54.000 I'm working.

00:10:55.000 Shows him in the gym, putting work in.

00:10:57.000 He does 5Ks with people.

00:11:11.000 It would suck being in those concerts though and being like the back That cannot be enjoyable.

00:11:17.000 They have huge screens.

00:11:19.000 Huge screens.

00:11:20.000 And the way they acoustically set up these things, it used to be a problem.

00:11:24.000 I told you that I used to work at Great Woods.

00:11:27.000 This is kind of a funny story.

00:11:29.000 Because it was during a Bill Cosby show that there was an issue.

00:11:33.000 Bill Cosby and there was a Roddy Dangerfield show, the same issue.

00:11:39.000 And the issue was, the way Great Woods is set up, it's an amphitheater.

00:11:43.000 So you're indoors and part of it, and part of it is outdoors.

00:11:46.000 The back of it leads out to this lawn area, or at least it did when I worked there.

00:11:51.000 And so, you could hear, if you were under the canopy, there was like an acoustic canopy above all the seats in the front, but then the back, there was no seats.

00:12:00.000 So it's like, you had monsters behind you.

00:12:02.000 So you're trying to watch a show, like, there was one big fight, I think, I want to say it was...

00:12:09.000 Was Judas Priest?

00:12:10.000 Was it Judas Priest?

00:12:11.000 No, Jethro Tull.

00:12:12.000 It was Jethro Tull. 0.94

00:12:13.000 There was a Jethro Tull concert, and there was a fucking mad riot because people started lighting fires up in the hood, up in the grass area. 0.95

00:12:22.000 They were just lighting fires, and there was not enough of us. 0.94

00:12:25.000 To sort of like control it all. 0.96

00:12:27.000 Because it was getting really fucking crazy. 0.76

00:12:29.000 So I put my security jacket. 0.68

00:12:31.000 I put a hoodie on over my security jacket.

00:12:34.000 Zipped it up. 1.00

00:12:34.000 Threw the hoodie over my head and said, fuck this job. 1.00

00:12:37.000 And I just quit. 1.00

00:12:38.000 I was like, you can't pay me nine bucks an hour to get killed. 1.00

00:12:41.000 Because this is fucking madness. 1.00

00:12:43.000 I saw fist fights. 0.99

00:12:44.000 My friend Larry, who's like one of the nicest guys in the world, punched some guy. 0.99

00:12:48.000 And I was like, I'm fucking mad. 0.94

00:12:49.000 If Larry's hitting people, Larry's like the sweetest of sweethearts. 0.98

00:12:53.000 And I'm like, if this guy's hitting people, I am gone.

00:12:55.000 This is a madness in the air. 0.99

00:12:57.000 I gotta get the fuck out of here. 0.99

00:12:58.000 I got pissed off for the Ghetto Hotel concert, too, because he breaks out the flute. 0.99

00:13:03.000 Once he breaks out the flute, you're like, what the fuck is this? 0.98

00:13:07.000 People from the East Coast, we don't like flutes. 0.99

00:13:09.000 We don't like flutes.

00:13:10.000 My point was, in the back area, the green grass area, you couldn't hear the words. 0.99

00:13:16.000 You didn't understand what the fuck it was. 0.98

00:13:17.000 It was all echoes. 1.00

00:13:18.000 It was all blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

00:13:20.000 Like, people were pissed. 1.00

00:13:21.000 They'd go, I don't know what the fuck he's saying. 0.99

00:13:22.000 And Rodney was killing, too, and so was Cosby. 1.00

00:13:25.000 Cosby was killing, too.

00:13:25.000 We were just, Jamie and I were talking about Red Rocks.

00:13:29.000 If you've been to Red Rocks, You get so impressed with the sound.

00:13:33.000 You're like, gee, and I went like an 80-something, and then I went like a 90-something, and it was like being indoors.

00:13:40.000 That's amazing.

00:13:41.000 And Fiddler's Green, which is a little smaller, I think, on the other side of Denver, they had an issue there, but now, even the Hollywood Bowl.

00:13:49.000 Jesus, look at Red Rock.

00:13:50.000 How many people are there?

00:13:53.000 What's the popular?

00:13:54.000 I don't know.

00:13:54.000 Not too many, I think.

00:13:56.000 I don't think.

00:13:56.000 That's insane.

00:13:57.000 Look how beautiful that is.

00:13:58.000 Did you do stand-up there?

00:13:59.000 Did you ever do stand-up there?

00:14:00.000 No, no.

00:14:00.000 They do it.

00:14:01.000 They do it there.

00:14:02.000 Yeah, somebody did it.

00:14:03.000 Brody.

00:14:03.000 Chuck Roy was doing a set there.

00:14:05.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:14:06.000 Somebody did it.

00:14:06.000 He was doing like a movie night where he would like host and do some comedy.

00:14:09.000 Yeah, Brody did.

00:14:10.000 Look how beautiful.

00:14:11.000 Brody didn't get paid for that one.

00:14:12.000 That was one that Brody didn't get paid for. 0.99

00:14:15.000 They fucked him out. 0.99

00:14:16.000 Did you know the whole story? 1.00

00:14:18.000 He went on Twitter.

00:14:18.000 He got his money.

00:14:18.000 He should have fucking went on Twitter.

00:14:19.000 Did he get his money? 0.99

00:14:20.000 I think so.

00:14:20.000 Well, we were retweeting it.

00:14:22.000 Yeah, he's like, I'm sorry.

00:14:23.000 That's crazy.

00:14:23.000 I finally got my money for concert number three or whatever.

00:14:26.000 Listen, what they did was crazy.

00:14:28.000 What they did was crazy.

00:14:29.000 He had two shows.

00:14:30.000 One was in a small theater and one was in this big theater.

00:14:33.000 He was doing the show in the small theater and they go, would you like to do a show in the big theater?

00:14:36.000 So he goes, yeah, sure.

00:14:37.000 Thinking he's going to get paid.

00:14:38.000 They ask him, do you want to work?

00:14:40.000 They put his name on the bill.

00:14:41.000 He tweeted pictures of the lineup.

00:14:44.000 They had his name in the lineup.

00:14:45.000 It wasn't like a guest set or anything like that.

00:14:47.000 It was a guy they had scheduled on the show.

00:14:49.000 And nobody wants to go up first. 0.99

00:14:51.000 You don't want to go up first in front of fucking 15,000 people. 0.99

00:14:54.000 You want to get the crowd warmed up first. 0.99

00:14:56.000 Brody had to go up there and do the hardest spot of the night.

00:14:59.000 The second hardest spot of the night.

00:15:00.000 The hardest spot of the night is like following someone who crushes.

00:15:03.000 Like if you're going on after Diaz, that's the hardest spot of the night.

00:15:05.000 But the second hardest part of the night is the first guy.

00:15:09.000 The first guy, this first couple minutes is kind of like a throwaway. 0.99

00:15:12.000 You got to kind of get everybody loose, get everybody feeling good, and then boom hit them and the material has got to have very few bumps in it because you're trying to hypnotize these fuckers. 0.91

00:15:21.000 So like the early material has got to be like real smooth. 1.00

00:15:25.000 The more herky-jerky the earlier stuff is, Less likely to trust you, you motherfucker. 1.00

00:15:30.000 You can't even get me in a goddamn trance. 1.00

00:15:32.000 You're slipping up your words, you know? 1.00

00:15:34.000 But if you go out there just smooth style and just walk right into it and really know what the fuck you're doing to get things started, you forget about that. 0.98

00:15:43.000 I forget about that.

00:15:44.000 I opened for Callan when he was doing his DVD and I just opened.

00:15:48.000 It was the first time I had done that in forever.

00:15:50.000 I was like, ooh, this is interesting.

00:15:51.000 This is like a different...

00:15:52.000 You kind of got to get everybody...

00:15:54.000 You feel it.

00:15:55.000 You feel like they're not quite there yet. 0.95

00:15:57.000 You got to kind of like massage and then you start to fucking crank it up and make them keep up. 0.62

00:16:03.000 You know, but it's definitely a different thing. 0.99

00:16:05.000 You got to slow them down, suck them in, and then the other night I did the storyteller show, and you know, everybody talks about suicide. 1.00

00:16:12.000 I had a kid that grew up with Steve Mancini, and one day, he just said, fuck it. 1.00

00:16:17.000 He went to Carvel, he walked the suicide bridge, he ate his sundae, he took his glasses off, he put them down, and he jumped. 1.00

00:16:24.000 Phew! 1.00

00:16:25.000 And that was it.

00:16:26.000 Didn't leave a note, nothing. 1.00

00:16:27.000 He was always a little fucking crazy. 1.00

00:16:29.000 Every time you saw him, he was quoting albums and shit. 1.00

00:16:32.000 Like, it's rolling thunder, fire and rain. 0.99

00:16:34.000 So you know he was disturbed somewhere along the line. 0.99

00:16:37.000 But nobody gave a fuck. 0.97

00:16:38.000 Like, even today, when I go home and I go, what happened to Steve Banchin? 1.00

00:16:41.000 Fuck him. 1.00

00:16:42.000 He jumped. 1.00

00:16:42.000 He committed suicide. 1.00

00:16:44.000 Times have changed. 1.00

00:16:45.000 People give a fuck. 1.00

00:16:46.000 Now you kill yourself? 1.00

00:16:47.000 Oh, he was his hurting soul. 1.00

00:16:49.000 20 years ago, you kill yourself. 1.00

00:16:50.000 Fuck that motherfucker. 1.00

00:16:51.000 He's in limbo. 1.00

00:16:52.000 Isn't that funny? 1.00

00:16:53.000 Because it was more like back then, like, ah, fucking... 1.00

00:16:57.000 You're an idiot. 1.00

00:16:58.000 Yeah, back then, that's it. 1.00

00:16:59.000 You were forgotten.

00:17:00.000 They have no mask for you.

00:17:02.000 When you ice yourself, you can't get masked.

00:17:05.000 That's true if you're religious, right? 0.98

00:17:06.000 Yeah, you can't get masked up.

00:17:08.000 When you die, they bury you.

00:17:09.000 You don't go to hell or heaven.

00:17:10.000 You go to limbo.

00:17:11.000 You're floating around with other people carrying a rope.

00:17:13.000 We never heard about mental illness when I was a kid.

00:17:16.000 We heard about completely crazy people that were locked in an asylum.

00:17:19.000 But the idea of your aunt taking pills because she's bipolar, what are you talking about?

00:17:25.000 Because it was accepted.

00:17:28.000 You know, it's like, oh yeah, we used to take volume and what's that?

00:17:30.000 No, I think it's the opposite. 1.00

00:17:32.000 I think you just get used to people being fucking crazy. 0.99

00:17:34.000 You know, you didn't feel like you had to medicate them. 1.00

00:17:36.000 You know, I think people were way more crazy in the 60s and 70s.

00:17:39.000 I had dude Johnny Reed that tried to kill himself, but he jumped off a building and he landed in a dumpster.

00:17:44.000 Oh my God.

00:17:45.000 And he lived.

00:17:46.000 Oh my God.

00:17:48.000 How bad was he broken? 0.98

00:17:49.000 Fucked up, right? 1.00

00:17:51.000 Fucked up! 1.00

00:17:52.000 And he'd throw punches. 1.00

00:17:53.000 He'd throw punches into the air.

00:17:55.000 Oh no.

00:17:55.000 Johnny Reed was a trip.

00:17:56.000 He was an Irish guy.

00:17:58.000 And he got a check from the government, and he gave it to the bartender on the first.

00:18:02.000 That's what people thought, but he lived. 1.00

00:18:04.000 Like, he banged his head on the dumpster, and he fucked all the dog. 1.00

00:18:07.000 He lived. 0.99

00:18:08.000 And he'd give his check from the government on the first to the bartender, and he'd torment the bartender until that check was done.

00:18:14.000 Then they'd throw him out to the first, and they would last until about the 18th or 19th.

00:18:18.000 When I was a kid, I used to torment Johnny Reed.

00:18:20.000 You know, on the East Coast, you'd lock the bathrooms from the outside. 1.00

00:18:25.000 What the fuck you say? 1.00

00:18:26.000 You lock the bathrooms from the outside on the East Coast. 1.00

00:18:29.000 When you leave a bar at night, when they close up, they lock the bathroom, and then they put like a lock ball.

00:18:36.000 So if you break in, they can't.

00:18:37.000 He would go in the bathroom, Johnny Reed, like 11 o'clock in the morning to pee, and we'd lock him in there.

00:18:41.000 We'd leave him in there until like 6 o'clock at night.

00:18:43.000 We'd come back to have a drink.

00:18:45.000 We'd open the bathroom, and he'd come out like nothing.

00:18:47.000 I swear to God, like nothing happened.

00:18:49.000 He was hilarious. 1.00

00:18:51.000 I mean, one day I put my dick on a chair next to him. 1.00

00:18:54.000 He... 1.00

00:18:56.000 He was sitting on a barstool. 1.00

00:18:57.000 My friend was like, put your dick on the chair. 1.00

00:18:59.000 See what happens? 1.00

00:19:00.000 And he's like, wow!

00:19:01.000 And he just got up.

00:19:03.000 Johnny re-lived maybe 12 years ago.

00:19:06.000 We used to give him bumps of coke and get him riled up at the bar.

00:19:09.000 And then he'd just leave. 1.00

00:19:10.000 Fuck you motherfuckers. 1.00

00:19:11.000 I'll fight all the years. 1.00

00:19:12.000 Then he'd just fucking leave. 0.99

00:19:13.000 Hilarious. 0.98

00:19:13.000 Anyway. 0.98

00:19:14.000 Did you ever have a girl you dated kill herself?

00:19:18.000 No.

00:19:20.000 They should've.

00:19:21.000 No. 1.00

00:19:22.000 After I put that fucking helmet, ratted, chlamydia fucking dick in here, you should kill yourself the first time and when you get to your destination. 1.00

00:19:35.000 Kill yourself once you get up to heaven. 1.00

00:19:38.000 I'm not forgiving me. 1.00

00:19:41.000 Are all your ex-girls still alive?

00:19:43.000 Both of you?

00:19:44.000 Well, I was going to bring it up.

00:19:45.000 It was like one girl that I knew.

00:19:47.000 She didn't kill herself.

00:19:48.000 Well, she kind of did.

00:19:49.000 But it was with drugs.

00:19:51.000 But she wasn't ever a girlfriend.

00:19:52.000 She was a girl I knew when I was young.

00:19:55.000 Then I hung out with her again when we were like adults.

00:19:58.000 But not much.

00:19:58.000 You know, we'd talk on the phone every now and again.

00:20:00.000 She was fucked up. 0.99

00:20:02.000 She was some form of opiates. 1.00

00:20:05.000 I don't know the whole story.

00:20:07.000 But, uh...

00:20:09.000 She was a sweet girl.

00:20:10.000 It was a real bummer.

00:20:12.000 It was really depressing. 0.99

00:20:13.000 When you hear about shit like that, it's like, ooh, that's so depressing. 0.99

00:20:17.000 You know, it's so depressing when someone just can't keep a hold on it or just gets caught up in a spell and then their life just slips away. 0.99

00:20:27.000 I know more than I like, I know quite a few people. 1.00

00:20:31.000 I have a real problem with those goddamn pills. 1.00

00:20:34.000 Especially those pills. 1.00

00:20:35.000 They're so fucking available, Joey. 0.99

00:20:38.000 They're so available. 0.99

00:20:39.000 They give them to you.

00:20:40.000 You hurt you.

00:20:40.000 You got a boo-boo?

00:20:41.000 You got a boo-boo?

00:20:42.000 Here, man. 1.00

00:20:43.000 Become a fucking angel. 1.00

00:20:45.000 Take this. 1.00

00:20:46.000 Go off in a lalo and melt into your pillow and float away in a cloud of love.

00:20:51.000 Go ahead.

00:20:52.000 And, oh, you're going to have to get off that if you want your life.

00:20:56.000 And you give these people these pills and you tell them, hey man, you got a few weeks off of work.

00:21:00.000 You know, you hurt your back.

00:21:01.000 You had to get surgery. 1.00

00:21:02.000 And you'll start popping these fuckers watching TV and next thing you know... 1.00

00:21:07.000 That's your life. 1.00

00:21:12.000 Your life is that. 1.00

00:21:13.000 I'm fucking Schaub. 1.00

00:21:14.000 You know, Schaub is a goddamn super athlete. 0.99

00:21:16.000 Brendan Schaub is this big giant gorilla, UFC fighter, pretty straight edge dude, pretty clean cut dude. 0.99

00:21:25.000 Four months in, he's taking these fucking pills, and his friends have to tell him, like, dude, you gotta stop. 0.98

00:21:29.000 His friends had to take his pills from him. 1.00

00:21:32.000 They fucking get you, dude. 1.00

00:21:33.000 Yeah, I know a girl that's going through it, she buys Vicodin. 1.00

00:21:36.000 And like, like, like, uh, I was talking to her.

00:21:38.000 From dealers?

00:21:39.000 Yeah, she has, she gets Vicodin in any downer. 0.99

00:21:42.000 And then, uh, it's weird, because then she can't sleep at night, so it's her all pill-ed up, just talking, like, online, and like, on Periscope and shit, and you're just like, what the fuck? 0.97

00:21:56.000 It's weird watching strangers on Periscope also, just, you know, late night. 0.99

00:22:00.000 How long before somebody kills himself on Periscope?

00:22:02.000 I think it's already probably happened, right?

00:22:04.000 Probably, right?

00:22:05.000 You know, it's crazy.

00:22:05.000 I had a girlfriend in the eighth grade I really dug.

00:22:08.000 I met her.

00:22:08.000 She was a cheerleader.

00:22:09.000 Pretty cute. 1.00

00:22:10.000 This is fucked up. 1.00

00:22:12.000 And Irish chick, just red hair. 1.00

00:22:15.000 I just dug her.

00:22:16.000 You know, we'd hold hands and eat a slice of pizza after a basketball game.

00:22:19.000 We went to movies.

00:22:20.000 We maybe swap spit. 0.99

00:22:22.000 And one day we were talking about dry humping or whatever the fuck we were going to do. 0.99

00:22:25.000 We went back to her house. 0.98

00:22:26.000 I'll never forget this.

00:22:27.000 I was dating her like maybe two or three months.

00:22:30.000 Just on the weekends, and I'd walk down to Union City.

00:22:33.000 And one day I asked, I said, what time do your parents get home?

00:22:36.000 She goes, well, my dad gets home at 5. And my mom is dead.

00:22:41.000 And I was like 12 or 13, Joe.

00:22:44.000 My head almost exploded. 1.00

00:22:45.000 I was like, what the fuck are you talking about? 1.00

00:22:49.000 She's like, my mom died at childbirth. 1.00

00:22:52.000 And I was like, I couldn't even make out with her.

00:22:56.000 I couldn't do anything.

00:22:57.000 I just remember going home and going, I can't see this girl no more. 1.00

00:23:01.000 I mean, what the fuck? 0.99

00:23:02.000 How come you couldn't see her? 0.99

00:23:04.000 That thought had never entered my mind.

00:23:06.000 So it was just too sad for you?

00:23:07.000 It was too mind-boggling, like not having a mom.

00:23:12.000 So I called her up one day, and I stopped dating her, and I started dating this other Irish chick, and I never thought about her again, you know?

00:23:19.000 I know she was mad, and then my mother died.

00:23:23.000 And I was like, that's the first person I thought of was this poor girl. 0.98

00:23:27.000 Like, I knew what she fucking felt like now. 1.00

00:23:29.000 I could never imagine that pain when I was dating her, when she told me that. 0.99

00:23:33.000 I'm like, what are you fucking talking about? 0.99

00:23:35.000 Whose mom dies? 1.00

00:23:36.000 Whose fucking mom dies? 1.00

00:23:39.000 That's the worst thing I've had. 1.00

00:23:41.000 I think one of my girlfriends died.

00:23:43.000 One of the girls I dated early on died about two years ago.

00:23:46.000 I'm still friends with her brother.

00:23:47.000 We didn't really date.

00:23:49.000 We messed around a little bit. 1.00

00:23:50.000 She was fucking crazy. 1.00

00:23:51.000 And she ended up dying from pills and booze. 1.00

00:23:54.000 Nobody really knew.

00:23:55.000 Joe, we started off with guns and then we went to death.

00:23:58.000 No, he asked me one of my...

00:23:59.000 Guns was before the podcast.

00:24:00.000 He's the one that asked me if one of my girlfriends killed themselves.

00:24:02.000 So I was just thinking about it.

00:24:04.000 It's, you know, it's weird when people that you really care about aren't there anymore.

00:24:08.000 It's a weird thing because they just vanish.

00:24:10.000 They just don't exist anymore.

00:24:12.000 And it's a sadness that it's just so...

00:24:15.000 It's so forever, you know?

00:24:18.000 I mean, my friend Johnny, who was my best friend, For a long time.

00:24:25.000 He's a great guy. 0.93

00:24:25.000 I fucking loved that dude. 0.93

00:24:27.000 I couldn't wait to see him every time I go to the East Coast. 0.98

00:24:29.000 We'd hang out.

00:24:31.000 Flew him up here.

00:24:32.000 And when I flew him up here, he was detoxing.

00:24:35.000 Same thing.

00:24:35.000 Pills.

00:24:36.000 He was into oxys.

00:24:38.000 And he was into heroin. 1.00

00:24:42.000 Like, strong shit. 1.00

00:24:43.000 You know, like strong opiates towards the end. 1.00

00:24:45.000 And, you know, it took a few days for him to get off of it, and then we could go around and hang out.

00:24:50.000 He was just at my house, just sweating for like four or five days.

00:24:55.000 And when he died, man, I remember thinking, like, I can't believe I'll never talk to that dude again.

00:25:04.000 I can't believe.

00:25:06.000 Like, he was like... 0.99

00:25:09.000 One of the things about Johnny is he had this real clear view of what the fuck is going on. 0.95

00:25:16.000 His life might have been chaotic as far as drugs, but he knew exactly what everybody was up to. 0.95

00:25:24.000 He just knew.

00:25:25.000 He was a very smart dude.

00:25:28.000 I'm very good at reading people. 0.99

00:25:29.000 And you can see, like, he's, like, looking around shit. 0.99

00:25:32.000 When I met you, that was the first thing that I noticed. 0.99

00:25:35.000 When I met you, it's like, there was all these people that were scared of you.

00:25:39.000 It was so weird.

00:25:41.000 There was all these people that were, like, nervous around you.

00:25:44.000 You know, they thought, like, Joey Diaz is a bad guy.

00:25:46.000 This was, like, the late 90s or whatever it was when we first met. 1.00

00:25:49.000 And I was like, you're out of your fucking mind. 0.99

00:25:51.000 Like, this guy's great. 1.00

00:25:53.000 You seem to me to be a lot like him.

00:25:57.000 And you're the only two, you and him are the only two, like, real, original humans I've ever met.

00:26:02.000 Where I can't, I don't know anybody else like you.

00:26:05.000 And I didn't know anybody else like him.

00:26:07.000 Just completely original characters.

00:26:10.000 It was one of the first things that I really liked about you.

00:26:13.000 Because we met, like, what was it, like, 95 or some shit?

00:26:17.000 Like, when was it?

00:26:17.000 97. Was it 97?

00:26:19.000 I was still on news radio.

00:26:21.000 So it was only, so I spent two years into news radio.

00:26:25.000 And, um...

00:26:26.000 Having those kind of friends...

00:26:28.000 Whose phone is that?

00:26:29.000 Yours, Joey?

00:26:29.000 How dare you?

00:26:32.000 It's, you know...

00:26:35.000 Friends like that are so important in your life.

00:26:37.000 Friends who...

00:26:37.000 You need people to clear you up from time to time.

00:26:40.000 That's why I call home every morning.

00:26:42.000 I got four or five different guys that whenever I talk to them, I talk to them and everything gets nice and smoothed out.

00:26:49.000 Yeah.

00:26:50.000 Every morning.

00:26:50.000 For them, too.

00:26:51.000 One or the other.

00:26:52.000 Yeah.

00:26:52.000 And right now, it's really weird because now I have two friends I haven't spoken to in 20 years.

00:26:57.000 When I went on the lam to Sarasota, that kid hit me up on an email.

00:27:01.000 He goes, I need to talk to you.

00:27:03.000 And him and I, when I went back to New Jersey, he was one of those kids, he was in Sarasota.

00:27:06.000 You know what there is to do in Sarasota in 1982?

00:27:09.000 Nothing!

00:27:09.000 So when I went down there, he was all excited.

00:27:11.000 He's got a partner, you know? 0.99

00:27:13.000 The thing about him is he was shooting fucking Decker in his biceps. 0.99

00:27:17.000 I mean, seriously, he was shooting them in his shoulder caps, in his traps. 0.99

00:27:21.000 He was God!

00:27:22.000 He was gone!

00:27:23.000 You know what I'm saying?

00:27:24.000 He was just a balloon. 1.00

00:27:25.000 And he was eating, he was eating, what's the German, five milligram, the shit that just puts, not testosterone, not decadarablin, but he was eating that gorilla shit. 1.00

00:27:36.000 We're guaranteed to gain, not decadarablin, D-ball! 1.00

00:27:40.000 D-ball. 0.93

00:27:40.000 No, what's Dianabol? 0.93

00:27:41.000 Anadrol?

00:27:42.000 Diana Ball.

00:27:43.000 This is 1982 people, so the names have changed. 1.00

00:27:45.000 Yeah, if you want to look like a fucker. 0.98

00:27:47.000 So everything on him was... 1.00

00:27:49.000 He was popping those Diana Balls.

00:27:51.000 He was supposed to eat three a day.

00:27:53.000 He was eating like eight a day. 1.00

00:27:57.000 He was eating a double prescription bottle and then blasting off the fucking shit in his forearm. 1.00

00:28:02.000 He was huge. 1.00

00:28:03.000 I loved him, though.

00:28:04.000 I got him.

00:28:05.000 So when I left, he always got mad at me.

00:28:07.000 He called me, man.

00:28:08.000 He hit me up on an email on my website.

00:28:10.000 Really?

00:28:10.000 I called him back.

00:28:11.000 I go, what's up, dog?

00:28:12.000 It took me a couple days. 1.00

00:28:13.000 I don't want to hear this shit. 1.00

00:28:14.000 And he goes, hey, man, my dad died. 1.00

00:28:16.000 And he goes, I got to tell you something. 0.99

00:28:18.000 I think about you every day because I can't imagine how you were handling this shit at 16. Then my other buddy died. 0.99

00:28:24.000 His mom died about a month ago.

00:28:26.000 I sent flowers. 1.00

00:28:27.000 And he keeps calling me every morning, going, Doug, I don't know how the fuck you did it at 16. I got the most respect for you in the world. 0.99

00:28:32.000 It's like now I'm paying them back.

00:28:34.000 Wow.

00:28:35.000 For them taking care of me when I was younger.

00:28:37.000 It turned around.

00:28:38.000 I miss my dead buddies, bro.

00:28:40.000 I'd miss Rago. 0.99

00:28:41.000 Like that crazy dude, the bodybuilder, that was fucking, you know, we would take him to bars and we'd say, Rago, get on top of the fucking stage and pose. 0.99

00:28:50.000 Who goes to a bar? 1.00

00:28:51.000 Like, he didn't give a fuck. 0.99

00:28:52.000 And I take him to the UFC bar and go, get up there. 0.99

00:28:55.000 This is the guy that you told me that was doing a line while his mother shot steroids?

00:28:58.000 No, that's Danny B. That's a different guy.

00:29:00.000 He's doing a line in front of his mother while he was on the phone or his mother shot steroids in his ass. 1.00

00:29:06.000 While he was doing a line and he's talking on the phone at the same time. 1.00

00:29:09.000 This is brilliant.

00:29:10.000 Come on, tell me that wouldn't be one of the most hilarious scenes in a movie ever.

00:29:13.000 In a movie.

00:29:13.000 We talk about it.

00:29:14.000 He comes to my shows, Danny B. He still comes to my shows.

00:29:17.000 He's still alive?

00:29:17.000 He calls into the podcast.

00:29:19.000 How did that guy make it? 1.00

00:29:20.000 He just put a picture of him on Twitter dressed in fucking full army regalia with like fucking five generals behind him. 1.00

00:29:28.000 Him 19 years old. 1.00

00:29:29.000 He was the soldier of the year in the army, dog. 0.93

00:29:32.000 That's why he was doing this, this, and this at the same time because he could do that. 0.97

00:29:38.000 That's how crazy he was.

00:29:39.000 He was the soldier of the year. 0.99

00:29:41.000 They were doing exercises in fucking Beirut, and four guys were in a raft, and the raft tipped over, and he saved all four of them. 0.99

00:29:48.000 So they made him the soldier of the fucking year. 0.99

00:29:50.000 He went to the White House. 1.00

00:29:50.000 Two years later, they discharged him, and he was selling blow on the fucking shit. 1.00

00:29:54.000 How fucking crazy is that? 1.00

00:29:57.000 They dishonably discharged him for running a gambling operation in the fucking North Carolina, wherever they were stationed. 1.00

00:30:03.000 Let me ask you this. 0.98

00:30:05.000 Oh, sorry.

00:30:05.000 Go ahead.

00:30:06.000 No, no.

00:30:06.000 This other kid that I showed you, the crazy one that he won like Mr. New Jersey, Darren.

00:30:11.000 I miss him every morning.

00:30:13.000 He was a guy that died young from steroids.

00:30:15.000 He died from, you know, everything.

00:30:18.000 He had Hepatitis C. Oh, Jesus.

00:30:22.000 From sharing needles?

00:30:23.000 Well, he was already shooting in high school.

00:30:26.000 Really?

00:30:27.000 By March of 82. He was already coming to my house, going, I gotta talk to you, dawg.

00:30:34.000 I gotta talk to you, man.

00:30:37.000 Like, that's the first person who ever, ever sat me down.

00:30:40.000 He's like, listen, let me tell you what.

00:30:41.000 And he was coked out.

00:30:42.000 We were both doing coke.

00:30:43.000 And it was like a secret inside his heart.

00:30:45.000 He's like, I gotta tell you something, man.

00:30:47.000 And he took off his shirt and he started doing push-ups.

00:30:50.000 Like, somebody just starts doing 50 pushups in front of him. 0.98

00:30:52.000 I'm like, what the fuck's going on? 0.96

00:30:53.000 He got up and started flexing. 0.99

00:30:55.000 I'm like, what are you doing?

00:30:56.000 And he goes, I go to this person's house, and they were gay in 82. These two guys were gay, but he grew up with them, and he remained friends with them, and he didn't care they were gay.

00:31:08.000 Nobody knew.

00:31:09.000 So they were sharing vitamin B shots and they were sharing Decker.

00:31:15.000 No good ever comes out of we were sharing a needle.

00:31:18.000 We saved 29 cents! 0.99

00:31:21.000 Nobody fucking knew. 0.98

00:31:23.000 That's like, you know, listen man, when you're at that level of a guy and that type of gym situation, think about it, you and I have never been that guy. 0.99

00:31:32.000 But there are guys, you know how people smoke a joint?

00:31:35.000 In Rocky the other day, I'm watching the beginning of Rocky, he goes to the corner, there's 18 guys sharing a wine bottle, and he takes the wine bottle and he takes a sip of it. 0.98

00:31:42.000 I'm thinking to myself, that's fucking the flu. 0.69

00:31:45.000 But in those days, in those days, you had to do that to be part of a guy. 0.99

00:31:50.000 You're in a gym, you're all yoked up.

00:31:52.000 You're 5'10", you're 240 pounds.

00:31:56.000 Red Band shoots Decker. 1.00

00:31:57.000 Red Band, give me the fucking thing, you know. 1.00

00:31:59.000 You just take it from him and stick it into him. 1.00

00:32:01.000 That's not my game, but I could see it.

00:32:03.000 I could see it.

00:32:04.000 That's the bond.

00:32:05.000 Me and you are on the street with thieves.

00:32:08.000 We're living in Skid Row with thieves.

00:32:09.000 You and me. 1.00

00:32:10.000 Everything we fucking take, we split down the middle. 0.97

00:32:13.000 What do you think is going to happen after a year? 0.98

00:32:24.000 This is it, bro.

00:32:25.000 I could see two guys shooting a needle.

00:32:28.000 Me and you were not in that world, and Red Band were like, ew.

00:32:32.000 You know, but to some guy...

00:32:34.000 Look at my bicep, dude.

00:32:36.000 What's a guy that said...

00:32:37.000 What's my favorite impersonation you do?

00:32:40.000 The guy in Boston that would...

00:32:41.000 He'd give you night-night time with the jab.

00:32:44.000 Remember the guy in Boston in Southie?

00:32:45.000 This guy, you know...

00:32:46.000 Oh, Joe Lake? 0.98

00:32:47.000 I hit you with my left. 0.99

00:32:49.000 I hit you with my left. 0.99

00:32:50.000 It's night-night time. 0.99

00:32:51.000 Whatever you...

00:32:52.000 I knew the dude in high school that was doing steroids.

00:32:54.000 Yeah.

00:32:55.000 He was enormous.

00:32:56.000 He was so much bigger than everybody else.

00:32:57.000 It was crazy.

00:32:58.000 He came from another school when we were like, I think I was a, I guess I was like a freshman and he was like, he came in as a sophomore.

00:33:06.000 He was like a year older than me and he was giant.

00:33:10.000 With these crazy stretch marks.

00:33:13.000 We're talking about a 16-year-old kid?

00:33:16.000 17-year-old kid? 1.00

00:33:17.000 Massive stretch marks all over his chest with these watermelon tits. 1.00

00:33:23.000 He just had watermelon tits, a giant fucking neck. 1.00

00:33:26.000 Giant arms. 1.00

00:33:27.000 I mean literally the guy would walk his his arms like you know guys fake that this is a really how he stood I mean just it was massively muscular and he went to a party one night in college There was these college kids and some college kids mouthed off to him.

00:33:41.000 He knocked out three college kids He was like a bull who just charged at people and punched him.

00:33:47.000 He was so juiced up.

00:33:49.000 He was always angry and Everywhere, if you looked at him, you wanted to be real nice to him. 0.77

00:33:55.000 It was like being around a crazy, frothing-at-the-mouth gorilla.

00:33:59.000 Then I saw him years and years later.

00:34:02.000 Not that many years.

00:34:04.000 I was 21, so he was probably 22, and he weighed 160 pounds. 0.99

00:34:08.000 I was like, what the fuck happened? 0.99

00:34:10.000 What happened? 0.99

00:34:11.000 Just got off the stuff.

00:34:12.000 He just got off of it, and his body became like a normal-sized body.

00:34:15.000 So do you lose all your fluid, or do you lose your muscle also?

00:34:18.000 Well, he was never...

00:34:19.000 He's a weird guy.

00:34:20.000 Like, he didn't have big hands.

00:34:22.000 He wasn't like some Ernie Shavers dude.

00:34:24.000 Like a, you know, just a big...

00:34:27.000 Like you. 1.00

00:34:28.000 You're a big, fucking, thick guy. 1.00

00:34:30.000 He wasn't... 1.00

00:34:30.000 He had smaller hands. 1.00

00:34:31.000 It was just...

00:34:32.000 It was all steroids.

00:34:34.000 He'd just taken this thing and changed, like, the amount of muscle that his body would carry around.

00:34:39.000 It was just way more.

00:34:40.000 It was real weird. 0.99

00:34:41.000 I didn't know what the fuck he was doing until after I was out of high school. 0.99

00:34:44.000 Like, I had no idea what was going on. 0.99

00:34:46.000 I just thought he was just a big, strong guy.

00:34:49.000 Like, I wasn't in weightlifting.

00:34:50.000 I didn't play football.

00:34:52.000 And in Taekwondo, we didn't do any weightlifting.

00:34:55.000 We did some calisthenics, but there was no weightlifting at all. 0.98

00:34:59.000 So I had no idea what the fuck was going on with this dude's body. 0.91

00:35:03.000 But seeing him... 0.99

00:35:04.000 When I was 21 and seeing him like just like this deflated person I was like this is the weirdest shit I've ever seen in my life But back then no one knew what the fuck it was. 0.97

00:35:14.000 We're talking about like 1988 It was when I was 21. I didn't know what that meant I didn't understand how he got smaller like it didn't make any sense to me Like I didn't know anybody that was a bodybuilder or anything. 0.94

00:35:25.000 So it was just weird It was just weird to see him small and then as I got older and started talking to people like especially when I was working at a I was working at a Gold's Gym or Nautilus Plus.

00:35:36.000 That's what it was.

00:35:37.000 Nautilus Plus in Revere.

00:35:39.000 And I knew this dude in there who was a he was a bodybuilder and he kind of schooled me on some of it I go because he was huge and I go do you take steroids? 0.99

00:35:47.000 And he goes dude fucking look at me. 0.98

00:35:49.000 What do you think? 1.00

00:35:51.000 Of course I fucking take steroids. 1.00

00:35:53.000 He was the first guy I ever met that was like super open about it He had these like he would wear like those Daisy Duke shorts back then bodybuilders were those Daisy Duke shorts This kid had these fucking giant tanned legs. 1.00

00:36:04.000 They were enormous He was fucking huge. 0.98

00:36:09.000 I hope that look comes back. 0.99

00:36:11.000 Male Daisy Dukes.

00:36:12.000 It's not even coming back for girls.

00:36:14.000 It's over.

00:36:15.000 Do you think there is certain clothes like that that will never come back?

00:36:18.000 Bell-bottoms.

00:36:18.000 Bell-bottoms?

00:36:19.000 I could see bell-bottoms coming back. 1.00

00:36:20.000 They tried, but people realized it's stupid looking. 0.99

00:36:23.000 I rocked them. 0.98

00:36:24.000 Yeah, you know what?

00:36:25.000 It worked back when people had long collars. 0.85

00:36:27.000 See, that's the difference.

00:36:29.000 If you want to have those long collars that they had in the 60s, you know, like those crazy jackets that you see Jefferson Starship in...

00:36:38.000 And then you had platforms.

00:36:39.000 People were wearing platform shoes.

00:36:41.000 Remember those?

00:36:42.000 Yeah.

00:36:42.000 So, like, those all worked with the bell-bottom.

00:36:45.000 Right.

00:36:46.000 But you get to, like, flip-flops and bell-bottoms.

00:36:48.000 Flip-flops are annoying.

00:36:49.000 It gets annoying.

00:36:50.000 You're stepping on your bell-bottoms.

00:36:52.000 They're goofy.

00:36:52.000 They get in the way.

00:36:54.000 You need stilts.

00:36:55.000 You know what's really sad about juicing?

00:36:58.000 Yeah.

00:36:58.000 That people, that juice for, what do you call it?

00:37:02.000 Aesthetics?

00:37:03.000 Not because they're athletic, but they're aesthetics.

00:37:05.000 For the look.

00:37:06.000 It always ends up very bad.

00:37:09.000 Because, and I was around it, and I grew up around it, it becomes, instead of snorting coke or drinking, they go to steroids like that.

00:37:16.000 Like, the wrestler was on.

00:37:18.000 And there's one scene in the wrestling, and he goes to cop.

00:37:20.000 Did you see what he copped?

00:37:21.000 I didn't see that movie.

00:37:22.000 Okay, there's a part where he cops at the gym. 1.00

00:37:25.000 You know, he's copping fucking shit that they gave Nazis. 1.00

00:37:29.000 Like, you know, Decker, D-ball, this, that. 1.00

00:37:32.000 And you could tell it's like 2,000 bucks.

00:37:34.000 And the guy goes, what do you got right now?

00:37:35.000 And he goes, 500. He goes, yo, you give me the rest one.

00:37:37.000 It was a bag.

00:37:39.000 If you know that world, you know that for him, that's a six-week supply.

00:37:44.000 That's a year's supply. 1.00

00:37:45.000 Then when he has his heart attack in the movie, the doctor tells him, he goes, bro, What the fuck are you putting in your body? 1.00

00:37:51.000 Are you fucking kidding me? 1.00

00:37:54.000 It's a slow death because it becomes an addiction. 1.00

00:37:57.000 I saw it. 1.00

00:37:58.000 I saw it go from once every six weeks to four cycles a year to fuck it. 1.00

00:38:04.000 I ain't getting off it. 1.00

00:38:05.000 Fuck it. 1.00

00:38:06.000 I'm going to super stack. 1.00

00:38:07.000 They call it stacking. 0.98

00:38:09.000 You know, you're taking fucking four things and you're not competing. 0.97

00:38:14.000 You're just going to a bar on Friday nights. 0.98

00:38:17.000 I never got that in my head.

00:38:18.000 I never got that.

00:38:19.000 And it always ends bad. 0.50

00:38:21.000 You see those guys a year later, they have a heart attack, they get deflated, something happens, and they go to prison, and then they can't do it, and they come out, and you ask them, are the tattoos all fucked up now?

00:38:31.000 It always ends bad.

00:38:34.000 Yeah, I knew a guy who died.

00:38:35.000 Yes, it always, and people, you know, I watched that documentary, and we contacted each other by talking, the stereo one that doesn't harm you, and I believe that.

00:38:44.000 Oh, bigger, stronger, faster?

00:38:45.000 Yeah, I believe that, but I also believe that I saw, you know, you look at these guys down at the Jersey Shore.

00:38:52.000 You look at these guys in the jerseys.

00:38:54.000 They all got that little bicep. 0.97

00:38:55.000 They got time to go to the gym.

00:38:57.000 They do six curls. 1.00

00:38:59.000 They do a fucking anavar. 1.00

00:39:00.000 They go suntan. 1.00

00:39:02.000 They rub number fucking SPF number two. 0.99

00:39:04.000 And that's the result you get. 0.99

00:39:05.000 And they do sit-ups.

00:39:06.000 That's exactly what they do.

00:39:07.000 And they do diamond push-ups.

00:39:10.000 And they blow up for the summer, and then they like it.

00:39:13.000 I'm telling you, I was part of that crew.

00:39:14.000 My friends, I remember the Chaddock driving back from the shore on Sundays, how they couldn't wait to get home because it was their second rest day.

00:39:22.000 And today was going to be the biggest day.

00:39:24.000 I'm thinking of going home, taking a shower, and going out because I'm huge.

00:39:28.000 I'm huge today.

00:39:29.000 It's Sunday.

00:39:30.000 It's my second off day.

00:39:32.000 Because he keeps getting bigger and bigger.

00:39:34.000 Yeah, on your second off day, Sunday, you're the biggest.

00:39:38.000 So these guys on the way home, it's my off day. 1.00

00:39:40.000 I'm going to get some pussy tonight. 1.00

00:39:42.000 My veins. 1.00

00:39:43.000 Look at my bicep from just driving. 0.99

00:39:52.000 Fucking hilarious. 0.99

00:39:52.000 It becomes something else, man. 0.99

00:39:54.000 You know what I think it's like?

00:39:55.000 I think it's like alcohol.

00:39:56.000 Like, you could drink alcohol.

00:39:58.000 You could just have a beer at night.

00:40:00.000 You could have a couple of glasses of wine with dinner. 1.00

00:40:02.000 Or you could be that motherfucker that just gets hammered all day, every day. 1.00

00:40:06.000 And we all know that person. 1.00

00:40:08.000 We all have met a bunch of those people. 1.00

00:40:10.000 Some people just get addicted to shit. 1.00

00:40:13.000 Day drinkers. 1.00

00:40:14.000 Oh, man.

00:40:15.000 There's a lot of those out there.

00:40:17.000 Especially in the entertainment business. 0.99

00:40:19.000 You know, we can do whatever the fuck you want. 0.98

00:40:21.000 Nobody can tell you what to do. 0.99

00:40:22.000 Nobody tells you what to do.

00:40:23.000 That's why you're on Periscope all day.

00:40:25.000 It's also people that I think that do cocaine, right?

00:40:28.000 That have an addiction to cocaine drink all day because they can even their self out.

00:40:33.000 Supposedly.

00:40:34.000 Some people that do, you know, I've never done it, but people that have done, like, a lot of it will tell you that they always want to have something to calm them down afterwards, take the edge off of it.

00:40:45.000 I didn't snort in the daytime. 0.97

00:40:46.000 I wasn't a fucking vampire. 1.00

00:40:48.000 I snorted at night. 1.00

00:40:49.000 It would fuck my whole day up if I even did a line.

00:40:51.000 See, I wanted to have the coke ready at 8 o'clock.

00:40:55.000 But sometimes I got a gavone.

00:40:57.000 I'd have the 60 bucks early in the daytime and I'd shoot over and get it back in.

00:41:01.000 What's a gavone? 1.00

00:41:01.000 A fucking slob. 1.00

00:41:02.000 I'd go over there and take the 60 and then I'd have to hide it in my jacket and I'd have to sit there for four hours with this coke and my jacket calling me in the afternoon. 1.00

00:41:10.000 So I would do a little bump and then get paranoid and jerk off and then it would fuck up my timing at night. 0.93

00:41:15.000 It would fuck up my whole day. 0.97

00:41:16.000 So I wouldn't do it in the daytime.

00:41:18.000 I was always a nighttime guy.

00:41:19.000 So if you did coke during the day, it would fuck up your set? 0.68

00:41:21.000 Everything. 0.97

00:41:22.000 It fucked up everything.

00:41:23.000 The rest of my day, my timing, because my soul wasn't intact with my central nervous system.

00:41:30.000 They were apart now.

00:41:32.000 It's apart.

00:41:33.000 When you do blowing, you go on stage.

00:41:34.000 That's why I never understood that concept.

00:41:36.000 It always made me laugh when people go, oh, you're funny because you do coke and go on stage.

00:41:40.000 Okay. 1.00

00:41:41.000 Okay, you fucking dummy. 1.00

00:41:43.000 I would freeze up. 1.00

00:41:44.000 I'd freeze up.

00:41:45.000 I can't talk to people when I did blow. 1.00

00:41:48.000 That's why I went in my fucking room and hid and fucking turned the phone off. 1.00

00:41:51.000 You think I did that? 1.00

00:41:52.000 Because I couldn't talk to people. 0.99

00:41:53.000 So I don't know what the fuck you're talking about. 1.00

00:41:56.000 Isn't coke make you talk though? 1.00

00:41:57.000 It doesn't work.

00:41:58.000 That doesn't...

00:41:58.000 When I started!

00:42:00.000 When it started, you're chatty catty. 1.00

00:42:02.000 You want to talk to everybody and shit. 1.00

00:42:03.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:42:04.000 But let me tell you something.

00:42:05.000 I started doing coke like in the 80s.

00:42:06.000 And I got on stage in 91 for the first time.

00:42:09.000 And in 92, I got on stage with the guys from Denver.

00:42:14.000 I did a St. Paddy show.

00:42:15.000 And right there was the first time I discovered cocaine on the stage at the Boulder Broker.

00:42:20.000 I did two bumps and tried to go on stage and be cute. 1.00

00:42:23.000 That shit didn't work. 0.99

00:42:24.000 I thought Richard Pryor did it. 1.00

00:42:26.000 I thought that's what Richard Pryor did.

00:42:27.000 He did coke and went on stage.

00:42:28.000 So I tried it.

00:42:29.000 That didn't work.

00:42:30.000 That was a kaputz. 1.00

00:42:31.000 Is anybody known to do coke and go on stage? 1.00

00:42:34.000 Oh, fuck yeah! 1.00

00:42:35.000 Fuck yeah! 1.00

00:42:35.000 I think a lot of people do coke and go on stage. 1.00

00:42:37.000 And in Miami, I would do the first two shows sober.

00:42:41.000 But the third show, it takes a bull.

00:42:43.000 I had that coke in my pocket for four hours.

00:42:46.000 Enough is enough.

00:42:47.000 Enough is enough!

00:42:48.000 So you would do it before the third show?

00:42:50.000 Yeah, because I didn't care.

00:42:50.000 And how would it work?

00:42:51.000 Terrible.

00:42:52.000 Terrible.

00:42:53.000 Terrible.

00:42:53.000 I didn't care.

00:42:54.000 I didn't give a fuck. 1.00

00:42:55.000 They knew I was coked up. 1.00

00:42:57.000 Wow.

00:42:58.000 So they knew.

00:42:59.000 The people who were coked up knew and they loved it.

00:43:01.000 Oh, look at him.

00:43:01.000 And I thought it was cute, too.

00:43:03.000 So I went back to my room and got fucked up. 0.98

00:43:05.000 But no, it never clicked to me. 1.00

00:43:09.000 I could get stoned as a motherfucker and go on stage. 1.00

00:43:14.000 Red Band, you miss Friday night. 1.00

00:43:16.000 I know.

00:43:16.000 I heard about this.

00:43:17.000 You heard Friday night how I fucking almost had a nervous breakdown at the comedy store. 0.97

00:43:21.000 Did he tell you this? 0.99

00:43:21.000 Remember when you and your wife were asking me questions and I was fidgety? 0.99

00:43:26.000 I was having a nervous breakdown right there. 1.00

00:43:28.000 You think I'm fucking with you guys, Doug? 0.99

00:43:30.000 I don't know what happened to me Friday night. 1.00

00:43:32.000 I bombed so hard last week.

00:43:34.000 You know, sometimes you get in a transition period, and you got all these bits that aren't ready, and you bring them up, and it's like you got three of them, so you bomb for two weeks, but all of a sudden, one night, they all come together.

00:43:44.000 Now you become a force.

00:43:46.000 Now it's a different game.

00:43:47.000 I was in that process.

00:43:48.000 For like two weeks, I was in limbo. 0.99

00:43:50.000 I had good sets in Boston, but anything I tried out of the ordinary in Boston wasn't clicking for me, so I just stuck to the fucking original. 0.97

00:43:57.000 And then I came back to the Comedy Store. 0.99

00:43:59.000 I ate shit somewhere on Monday night. 0.99

00:44:00.000 I went to the Comedy Store Thursday, opened up with that suicide joke. 0.99

00:44:03.000 That didn't take me very far.

00:44:07.000 And then, the second time, I told the story about my friend who tried to commit suicide.

00:44:12.000 She failed, and she went up to the comedy store, and she bought a gram of Coke from Chewy.

00:44:16.000 And as we were doing it, I said, you know, how did you get out of the crazy house?

00:44:20.000 Didn't you try to kill yourself three days ago? 0.57

00:44:22.000 And there was a big gram. 0.96

00:44:24.000 It was one big line.

00:44:25.000 She did the whole thing.

00:44:26.000 She looked at me, and she goes, I ain't crazy.

00:44:28.000 They let me out.

00:44:30.000 That was it.

00:44:31.000 I told that story, and that one got some laughs.

00:44:33.000 And then I went in the main room, and I just died.

00:44:37.000 I had to follow Dalia. 0.95

00:44:38.000 I just died.

00:44:38.000 I just died a slow death.

00:44:40.000 I was trying new stuff.

00:44:41.000 I wasn't going nowhere.

00:44:43.000 I wanted to talk about Trump, and I just died.

00:44:45.000 So Friday, I went to the store, and I swear to God, guys, I didn't eat nothing all day.

00:44:49.000 I smoked some pot.

00:44:50.000 I worked that.

00:44:51.000 I went to the Y. I did chest and the other thing.

00:44:54.000 I smoked dope.

00:44:55.000 Before I left the house, There was a little brownie. 0.98

00:45:00.000 A 70 milligram brownie.

00:45:02.000 I had like maybe 13 carbs left for the day. 0.99

00:45:06.000 I was fucking starving. 0.97

00:45:08.000 This little brownie is right there. 0.99

00:45:10.000 It was a half a pack of an anarchy edible.

00:45:12.000 They give you two brownies.

00:45:13.000 Each brownie is 70 milligram.

00:45:16.000 That's so crazy.

00:45:17.000 That's so scary. 1.00

00:45:18.000 I rub my balls with 70 milligrams. 0.99

00:45:20.000 You understand me? 0.99

00:45:21.000 70 milligrams for Uncle Joey is like an aperitif. 0.99

00:45:24.000 It's not even a fucking apple. 1.00

00:45:25.000 Splitting to the rest of the world, 70 milligrams will put you into a fucking hole. 1.00

00:45:29.000 Do you know I gave Lee 500 last night? 1.00

00:45:31.000 He puked.

00:45:33.000 500?

00:45:34.000 Jesus Christ!

00:45:36.000 Did he say 500 milligrams?

00:45:39.000 We split 1,000 milligram edible.

00:45:42.000 Did you hear that Allison Chainsong, Down in a Hole? 0.94

00:45:45.000 Oh my God, listen to me, Doug.

00:45:47.000 We split it at 3 o'clock in the afternoon.

00:45:49.000 Oh my god, what are you trying to prove? 0.99

00:45:51.000 By 7 o'clock, I was so fucked up. 0.99

00:45:55.000 By 8 o'clock. 0.99

00:45:56.000 And you know, usually when you eat, you tame that animal. 1.00

00:45:59.000 Fuck no. 1.00

00:46:00.000 This turned on me. 1.00

00:46:02.000 This edible turned on me, dog, like a savage.

00:46:05.000 He beat me into submissions.

00:46:08.000 At one point, I had the cheese doodles that belongs to the baby pirate's booty.

00:46:12.000 They were on the floor.

00:46:13.000 They were just coming out of my face.

00:46:14.000 I was just stuffing them.

00:46:18.000 I was just stuffing Pirate's Booty in my face and a pear.

00:46:22.000 There was a bunch of fruit in Pirate's Booty.

00:46:24.000 I couldn't stop.

00:46:25.000 I kept eating peaches in Pirate's Booty, pears in Pirate's Booty, cantaloupe in Pirate's Booty.

00:46:31.000 I must've ate the whole, even my wife was like, because I had my back turned to them so they couldn't see me. 0.99

00:46:39.000 My wife's like, what the fuck are you doing in here? 1.00

00:46:41.000 I go, listen, I gotta go to bed. 1.00

00:46:43.000 She goes, go to bed already. 1.00

00:46:44.000 I went to bed at 8.45.

00:46:46.000 I slept till 4. I got up.

00:46:48.000 I didn't know where I was.

00:46:49.000 I just laid there for 30 minutes like Mad Max.

00:46:51.000 I just laid there all confused.

00:46:55.000 So you woke up at 4 in the morning and didn't know where you were?

00:46:57.000 So low.

00:46:57.000 At 4.30, I woke up with a ton of energy.

00:47:00.000 A ton of energy!

00:47:01.000 I went in the shower.

00:47:02.000 I washed the car.

00:47:03.000 I went for breakfast.

00:47:04.000 I went and washed the car.

00:47:05.000 My wife had a tar stain, so I washed the car. 0.96

00:47:08.000 Oh, my God.

00:47:09.000 I was fucked up. 0.99

00:47:11.000 And I kept calling Lee and saying, Lee, if the cops call you, don't answer the phone. 0.99

00:47:15.000 He goes, why are the cops on the call?

00:47:16.000 I go, I don't know, but don't answer the phone.

00:47:18.000 That is so funny.

00:47:19.000 And you just had it happen to you again, though.

00:47:21.000 You ate too much at the comedy store.

00:47:23.000 But last night, no.

00:47:24.000 Last night I didn't have anxiety.

00:47:25.000 Guys, this is what I'm saying to you. 0.81

00:47:26.000 70 milligrams ain't dick in my world, okay? 0.78

00:47:29.000 So I eat the 70 milligrams, I go down Laurel Canyon, I hook the right... 0.92

00:47:34.000 I go to the comedy store.

00:47:35.000 I pull up.

00:47:36.000 No drama.

00:47:37.000 I get in.

00:47:37.000 Joe's upstairs.

00:47:38.000 I don't even go upstairs because I know the room is packed.

00:47:40.000 I can't go upstairs.

00:47:41.000 So I'm alone at the comedy store.

00:47:43.000 I go into the original room.

00:47:44.000 It's packed.

00:47:45.000 I walk around a little bit.

00:47:46.000 I go into the VIP patio, and I just sit there.

00:47:48.000 Some dudes are listening to music. 0.91

00:47:49.000 Some black dudes are smoking a joint. 0.98

00:47:51.000 I mind my business. 0.99

00:47:51.000 I look straight ahead. 0.99

00:47:53.000 I'm thinking about more material I'm going to say, how I bombed.

00:47:56.000 It's just whipping me now, right?

00:47:58.000 And I'm starting to get scared.

00:47:59.000 I'm like, I really don't want to go on stage now.

00:48:03.000 Jeff comes over to me and he goes, Joey, go on stage.

00:48:06.000 I walk over.

00:48:07.000 I walk up the stairs.

00:48:09.000 It's a sold-out room.

00:48:11.000 Megan Mooney.

00:48:13.000 Morgan Murphy.

00:48:14.000 Morgan Murphy's up on stage.

00:48:17.000 Megan Mooney. 1.00

00:48:18.000 I don't know what her fucking name is. 1.00

00:48:19.000 That's her new name. 1.00

00:48:20.000 She had a hat on.

00:48:21.000 That's her new name. 0.95

00:48:22.000 And she was killing. 0.78

00:48:23.000 I'm texting her right now. 1.00

00:48:24.000 She was fucking killing, right? 1.00

00:48:25.000 She's killing Megan Mooney. 1.00

00:48:27.000 Whatever her fucking name is. 1.00

00:48:27.000 Morgan Murphy. 1.00

00:48:28.000 She brought the dog up.

00:48:29.000 She was freaking me out. 0.85

00:48:30.000 And then she's killing on stage. 1.00

00:48:32.000 I walk up to the first landing, guys, and it hits me.

00:48:37.000 It's like, oh my god, I'm getting an anxiety attack.

00:48:39.000 On 70 milligrams?

00:48:40.000 Not!

00:48:41.000 Not!

00:48:41.000 This can't be happening to me.

00:48:43.000 This ain't happening.

00:48:44.000 And all of a sudden, I'm standing there, and it's getting worse, guys.

00:48:47.000 It's getting worse.

00:48:48.000 Now, there's one seat open at the whole comedy store, and it's Mitzi's chair.

00:48:52.000 So I sit in there for about a minute.

00:48:53.000 She's got the blue light on.

00:48:55.000 The pressure's on.

00:48:57.000 I got water in my hand.

00:48:58.000 I get back up, and it's getting worse, guys.

00:49:01.000 I turn around, I look down to where the payphone used to be, and now I'm getting the anxiety I get when I'm getting a needle, which means I'm going down.

00:49:11.000 So I gotta look for daylight or air.

00:49:14.000 I know this.

00:49:15.000 I gotta look for air.

00:49:16.000 But I know if I go down those stairs, if she calls my name and I come back up those stairs, I'm really gonna have an anxiety attack.

00:49:22.000 So I go to the corner and I just start looking at the wall and I start breathing through my nose.

00:49:27.000 And some guy comes up to me and he's like, hey Joey, how you doing, man?

00:49:29.000 What's going on?

00:49:30.000 I go, nothing.

00:49:30.000 And I keep looking at the wall.

00:49:31.000 He gets the hint to walk away.

00:49:33.000 Then some other guy pops out and he's like, hey Joey, I'm friends or such.

00:49:37.000 And he goes, do you know where he is? 0.99

00:49:38.000 I don't give a fuck. 1.00

00:49:39.000 Don't you see me staring at a fucking wall? 1.00

00:49:41.000 Get the fuck Jeff comes up to me and I go, Jeff, hold on one second, Jeff. 1.00

00:49:46.000 I'm going to faint. 1.00

00:49:48.000 I got a really bad anxiety attack.

00:49:50.000 I'm going down here.

00:49:51.000 Tell Paulie to go on stage.

00:49:52.000 And Jeff also wants to ask me questions.

00:49:55.000 He's like, do you know if Paulie's going to go up on stage? 0.99

00:49:57.000 I don't give a fuck. 1.00

00:49:58.000 He's the closest person to the fucking stage. 1.00

00:50:01.000 She's about to call my name. 1.00

00:50:04.000 And all of a sudden, he goes, well, let me go ask him. 1.00

00:50:05.000 Yeah, fucking go ask him! 1.00

00:50:06.000 The fuck? 1.00

00:50:07.000 I'm about to fucking faint, and now you're gonna do this to me? 1.00

00:50:09.000 So he walks over to Paulie, and he starts asking Paulie, and Paulie's like... 0.97

00:50:13.000 And now they're getting into, like, a conversation about it.

00:50:15.000 Instead of Paulie going, oh, he's got an anxiety attack.

00:50:17.000 Let me go up there.

00:50:18.000 I'm watching this go down.

00:50:19.000 I get so angered. 1.00

00:50:20.000 I go, fuck it, guys. 1.00

00:50:21.000 I'm gonna go up there. 1.00

00:50:21.000 Did you hear what Paulie said? 1.00

00:50:22.000 Who the fuck knows what he said? 1.00

00:50:23.000 What's wrong with him, buddy? 1.00

00:50:24.000 Instead of going, just go.

00:50:25.000 If I call you and go, Red Band, go up. 0.97

00:50:27.000 Red Band, go up.

00:50:29.000 Uh...

00:50:29.000 Go up, Red Band.

00:50:30.000 I got anxiety.

00:50:31.000 You go, okay, Joey, and I'll worry about you later.

00:50:33.000 You okay?

00:50:34.000 Yeah.

00:50:34.000 Just go.

00:50:35.000 No, these guys are having a conversation, bureaucracy. 1.00

00:50:38.000 I got so fucking angry that I go, fuck you guys. 1.00

00:50:40.000 I'm going to go up. 1.00

00:50:41.000 And I went up there, Joe Rogan, and I had to settle my life off of fear.

00:50:46.000 Fear.

00:50:46.000 I think I caught myself at the 14-minute mark, and I was like, oh my, I just yelled.

00:50:52.000 Did you record it?

00:50:53.000 No.

00:50:53.000 Why would I do something like that?

00:50:54.000 You know I'm a fucking retard. 1.00

00:50:56.000 I fucking went up there and destroyed. 1.00

00:50:58.000 You know you never hear me talking like this. 0.99

00:51:00.000 It was all on fear.

00:51:02.000 And I remember walking out of there, man, I got in that car and Paulie goes, man, you should have anxiety attacks more often than you. 0.97

00:51:08.000 I was like, man, I was fucking dying. 0.66

00:51:12.000 I like how you have Mitzi's voice when you do the impression of Paulie. 0.99

00:51:16.000 Who the fuck knows? 0.99

00:51:20.000 That's the same voice you do when you do Mitzi. 0.99

00:51:22.000 Like all the Shores share one Joey Diaz voice. 0.85

00:51:25.000 Joe, have you ever had that where you were like either too stoned or you just didn't feel good and you're about to go on stage and you almost don't think you could have done it?

00:51:35.000 No, I know what you're saying.

00:51:37.000 No, I've never gotten there, but I won't take that kind of edible before I go on stage. 0.88

00:51:41.000 I've fucked up and gotten too high before I went on stage, but never so high where I'm like, I can't do this. 0.71

00:51:47.000 I can't do that. 0.98

00:51:48.000 I'm having an anxiety attack.

00:51:49.000 No.

00:51:50.000 But I've been higher.

00:51:51.000 I've been higher, and that hasn't happened to me.

00:51:53.000 Sometimes it just catches you at the right time, especially if you have a rough set.

00:51:57.000 If you had a rough set the night before, if you're working on some new stuff and it doesn't go over right and you can't recover, I mean, we've all been there.

00:52:03.000 If you haven't been there, it's just because you haven't taken enough chances.

00:52:06.000 Oh, I've been there all the time.

00:52:07.000 I'm there all the time.

00:52:08.000 I'm in hell all the time.

00:52:10.000 It's just...

00:52:11.000 But it's like those moments after that are shaky.

00:52:14.000 Like, you know, it's a shaky one or two days, you know, sometimes.

00:52:17.000 Sometimes it's not.

00:52:18.000 Like, sometimes it makes sense and there's a reason.

00:52:20.000 You can just get right back into it.

00:52:22.000 But sometimes there's like a little shaky period.

00:52:23.000 So the shaky period, that 70 milligrams is enough to whack you.

00:52:27.000 You did two 70s.

00:52:28.000 No, I did one 70. The other 70 was from a couple nights earlier.

00:52:32.000 Just for the fucking general public, 70 will fucking send you down a tornado of despair to the bottom pits of your soul. 0.99

00:52:42.000 Just to know. 0.99

00:52:43.000 Don't try to do what he's doing. 0.99

00:52:44.000 I don't fuck around, man, with anything more than like 30. Do you think that even matters what it is, though, really? 0.99

00:52:51.000 Do you think it's that accurate where 70 is even ballpark 70?

00:52:56.000 Or maybe he just got something that had 600 in because it was like the bottom of the barrel.

00:53:01.000 Well, you certainly can.

00:53:02.000 You know that bit I do about it, about the guys who make that stuff.

00:53:04.000 Yeah.

00:53:05.000 But has it gotten any better?

00:53:06.000 Sure, sure.

00:53:07.000 Colorado, they have it down to a science.

00:53:09.000 They're doing it in Colorado the way they would make regular cookies.

00:53:12.000 Like, if you buy, like, some, you know, like Nabisco, Chips Ahoy or some shit like that, they do them in, like, a factory.

00:53:19.000 There's not much difference between the way they're making some of these cookies.

00:53:21.000 They're having, like, these big machines, and they have all these people working there. 0.78

00:53:25.000 It's pretty fucking down to a science.

00:53:28.000 They're not just, you know, throwing their own ingredients in and home cooking all this stuff. 0.95

00:53:34.000 They're making a lot of money.

00:53:35.000 They have this, like, one of those news report shows?

00:53:39.000 I forget which one.

00:53:39.000 60 Minutes.

00:53:40.000 Was it 60 Minutes?

00:53:41.000 They went to Denver and they participated. 1.00

00:53:44.000 They got high, they got high in a fucking limo with these people. 0.99

00:53:47.000 And they went around to all these different places and watched these people make these things. 0.99

00:53:53.000 There's a revolution going on in Denver.

00:53:57.000 It's so off the charts there.

00:53:59.000 It's so crazy there.

00:54:01.000 You're watching this thing on television and it just starts to sink in.

00:54:05.000 They're changing the whole culture around that town.

00:54:09.000 Like, the whole culture is gonna slowly chill out.

00:54:12.000 Their violent crime rate is so low now. 0.99

00:54:15.000 Their fucking drunk driving rates are the lowest they've ever had. 1.00

00:54:18.000 It's nuts. 1.00

00:54:19.000 It's changing everything, and it's only been a year or two.

00:54:22.000 Like, how many years has it been since it's been legal?

00:54:25.000 What's the official?

00:54:26.000 Maybe two years.

00:54:27.000 Two?

00:54:27.000 Has it been two, Jamie?

00:54:28.000 Find out when the law went through.

00:54:32.000 But in Oregon, they're gonna have weed tax-free.

00:54:36.000 Oregon's taking it to a totally new level.

00:54:38.000 Well, I just read a report that Washington had, I think, $70 million their first year of tax revenue.

00:54:46.000 So that seems like a lot of money just to throw away.

00:54:48.000 That's a lot.

00:54:49.000 Well, I agree with you.

00:54:50.000 I think the taxes that the Colorado imposes, which are really high, I think those are great.

00:54:57.000 Yeah, I agree.

00:54:58.000 Because it's still better than going drinking.

00:55:00.000 If you go drinking, okay, if we have a few drinks, like if I go and get us around and all four of us went out drinking, and I look at this kid's shots and a beer, that's like a hundred bucks, right?

00:55:10.000 All together.

00:55:11.000 Then you gotta tip the guy.

00:55:13.000 Like, two hundred bucks worth of weed?

00:55:15.000 Jesus Christ! 0.98

00:55:17.000 The four of us with two hundred bucks worth of weed, we'd be fucked for a month. 0.98

00:55:20.000 And we could take home some. 0.97

00:55:22.000 Yeah.

00:55:22.000 Two hundred dollars.

00:55:23.000 That's a lot of weed, especially if you're buying edibles.

00:55:26.000 Oh my God!

00:55:27.000 You could almost die on $200 worth of weed edibles.

00:55:32.000 I mean, if you ate them all...

00:55:33.000 What's that?

00:55:34.000 Beginning of last year.

00:55:36.000 Okay.

00:55:36.000 So they...

00:55:37.000 2012?

00:55:38.000 Voted at the end of 2012 and started at the beginning of 2014. Oh, I see.

00:55:43.000 I see.

00:55:43.000 So there's a delay.

00:55:45.000 That is one of the, I gotta be honest with you, that is one of the funnest four days you'll have as a comic is that Denver run.

00:55:52.000 Oh, Denver's mean? 0.95

00:55:53.000 Especially if you stayed downtown because you eat at Sam's, that motherfucking green chili for breakfast with those two eggs and some wheat toast and a bowl of fruit. 1.00

00:56:00.000 God damn! 1.00

00:56:02.000 Jesus. 1.00

00:56:02.000 Oh my God! 1.00

00:56:04.000 I thought you were going to talk about the crowds.

00:56:05.000 No!

00:56:06.000 Oh, no, no.

00:56:06.000 That's part of it.

00:56:07.000 You got the weed store, and then you got the comedy work.

00:56:10.000 I mean, it's like a three...

00:56:10.000 You can't lose for three days.

00:56:12.000 I got a gym.

00:56:13.000 You cannot lose. 1.00

00:56:14.000 It's a triple fucking header. 0.99

00:56:15.000 The little weed store they got, they go out... 0.99

00:56:17.000 You go on the recreational side.

00:56:19.000 They have some strong stuff, but...

00:56:23.000 Yeah, it's a great spot.

00:56:24.000 It's a great little weekend.

00:56:25.000 It's one of my favorite places.

00:56:26.000 It's one of the few places I would live besides here.

00:56:28.000 I'll tell you what, you made me laugh because I thought about something right bad.

00:56:32.000 You know what pill, when I was growing up, had a lot of mistakes with them?

00:56:36.000 What pill, like if they made a hundred of them, ten of them would always be Dud's Quaaludes.

00:56:41.000 Really?

00:56:42.000 Ten of them were always duds.

00:56:43.000 Were they duds because it was corruption? 0.83

00:56:45.000 No, they were duds because the guy who was making them, his floor was lopsided.

00:56:51.000 You know what I'm saying? 0.99

00:56:52.000 And when he put them in the oven, who the fuck knows, Joe Rogan? 0.99

00:56:55.000 I don't fucking know. 0.99

00:56:56.000 He was lopsided. 0.98

00:56:58.000 You know, like right now, this table feels like it's all warm.

00:57:01.000 So the chemicals go down to the end.

00:57:03.000 So, like, for every hundred... 0.63

00:57:06.000 That's the most ridiculous idea of how they make pills ever, right? 0.68

00:57:13.000 Tables are lopsided. 0.91

00:57:14.000 So, let's just say the power goes to this side, so you'd eat ten biscuits and nothing would happen and people would go, oh my god, I got a dud.

00:57:22.000 That means the next one's gonna be good.

00:57:24.000 That was the philosophy around it.

00:57:26.000 But there's a different philosophy to it.

00:57:28.000 What if Cosby gave one of those duds to one of his freaks? 0.98

00:57:31.000 Did you see yesterday? 0.89

00:57:32.000 And it was a dud. 1.00

00:57:33.000 He's sitting there stroking his big black dick, waiting on them pills to hit her and shit. 1.00

00:57:39.000 Oh my god. 1.00

00:57:40.000 That's a great bit.

00:57:41.000 That's it.

00:57:42.000 What do you think that, like, he could get laid.

00:57:45.000 He could have probably almost any of the girls he wanted to drug anyways, probably. 1.00

00:57:49.000 Why do you think he did that extra step?

00:57:51.000 It's part of his freak.

00:57:53.000 I mean, we could speculate all day long, but obviously he's sick.

00:57:58.000 Right.

00:57:59.000 Obviously.

00:57:59.000 But we kind of knew that anyway.

00:58:02.000 Not that he was sick to the extent that he is, but that he's got this, like, creepy arrogance about him.

00:58:08.000 And, you know, we played that clip once where Wanda Sykes, who's like the sweetest person in the world, was interviewing him.

00:58:16.000 And the way she was talking to him, I guess, like, he didn't like it, so he, like, corrected her.

00:58:23.000 He corrected her, you know, her use of Ebonics or what have you.

00:58:28.000 It's like a drama queen, kind of.

00:58:30.000 Just not a nice guy.

00:58:31.000 Just not a nice guy, and he was wearing sunglasses. 0.99

00:58:33.000 Like, he's just, you know, when you're indoors and you're wearing sunglasses, like, unless you got glaucoma, what the fuck are you doing? 0.98

00:58:39.000 Like, what are you doing? 0.94

00:58:40.000 Why do you have sunglasses on? 0.99

00:58:41.000 Unless you're black. 1.00

00:58:43.000 You get away with it. 1.00

00:58:45.000 Floyd Mayweather can wear sunglasses, whatever the fuck he wants. 0.97

00:58:47.000 As far as I'm concerned, he can wear sunglasses anywhere he wants. 0.96

00:58:51.000 But, you know, it's like, those, anybody who does that, like, you know what I mean?

00:58:56.000 It's just weird because I can see where like a normal person would drug it just to get laid. 0.99

00:59:01.000 It just seems like, you know, you're Bill fucking Cosby. 1.00

00:59:04.000 He's a creep. 1.00

00:59:05.000 Did he like the girl just being passed out?

00:59:08.000 Like it's dry? 1.00

00:59:09.000 He likes dry sex or something? 0.99

00:59:10.000 He might like to be the god. 0.99

00:59:13.000 He might like to be totally in control of their life.

00:59:15.000 He might like the idea that he tricked them.

00:59:20.000 And now they have to do his bidding while they're completely unconscious.

00:59:23.000 I don't know how unconscious they are.

00:59:24.000 Maybe they're in like a halfway dreamland where he could talk to them into doing stuff.

00:59:28.000 You know, like lift your legs up and they'll just do it.

00:59:30.000 And they just don't remember it. 1.00

00:59:31.000 They might just be so fucked up. 1.00

00:59:32.000 I don't understand. 0.99

00:59:33.000 Can I talk to you gentlemen?

00:59:34.000 There's four of us in this room.

00:59:35.000 We're all men here.

00:59:36.000 How many years have had an experience? 1.00

00:59:39.000 I mean, maybe fucking Red Band. 0.98

00:59:40.000 But how many years have had an experience where you brought a woman to your room and nothing happened? 0.99

00:59:45.000 Look me in the eye and tell me the truth, gentlemen.

00:59:46.000 It happens.

00:59:47.000 Okay, so let's just, with four gentlemen here, let's be honest.

00:59:52.000 So we're at 80%. 1.00

00:59:54.000 If you bring a woman to your hotel room eight out of ten times, you're gonna fuck her guys. 1.00

01:00:00.000 Tell me the truth. 1.00

01:00:01.000 We're just guys sitting and taking a poll.

01:00:03.000 It depends.

01:00:04.000 It's probably...

01:00:05.000 Red man, you're a nice guy. 1.00

01:00:07.000 Sometimes you bring them over to get high and they get naked for you and put dildos in their pussies. 0.99

01:00:11.000 I'm talking about, you know, you're a nice guy. 0.99

01:00:15.000 Sometimes, you know, whatever.

01:00:16.000 It depends entirely on the individual.

01:00:17.000 On the intentions.

01:00:18.000 When you're a guy like Bill Cosby, he's a superstar, multi-multi-millionaire. 1.00

01:00:21.000 How many other women are going to go to his room without sucking his dick? 1.00

01:00:24.000 Let's be honest. 1.00

01:00:25.000 Not a whole lot of them.

01:00:28.000 All of them are going to go into that room, whether they're married or... 1.00

01:00:31.000 Half of those bitches got a different story also. 1.00

01:00:34.000 Okay? 1.00

01:00:35.000 He drugged you because you were alone with him in a fucking room. 1.00

01:00:38.000 He had plans. 1.00

01:00:39.000 I'm not blaming them.

01:00:40.000 But we're men here.

01:00:42.000 We're men.

01:00:43.000 You know, when you go into a man's hotel room or his trailer... 1.00

01:00:48.000 What the fuck? 1.00

01:00:49.000 So he had time to put a pill into your thing. 1.00

01:00:52.000 He's a dirty motherfucker. 1.00

01:00:53.000 Let's get that out of the way because he enjoys that faint woman. 1.00

01:00:57.000 That woman that's half dead. 0.98

01:01:00.000 That's what he enjoys. 0.93

01:01:01.000 That's his freak.

01:01:02.000 Some people steal bodies from cemeteries. 0.99

01:01:04.000 Some people want to get jerked off with their feet. 0.99

01:01:07.000 That was his freak. 0.99

01:01:09.000 I had a friend who was after a while, he was doing hookers, and he said they would jerk him off with his feet because he was scared of the hiv. 0.99

01:01:14.000 So he'd just have him jerk him off with his feet in a car. 0.99

01:01:16.000 With their feet. 0.99

01:01:17.000 With their feet.

01:01:18.000 I wouldn't do that either.

01:01:19.000 That's just his worst.

01:01:21.000 Hooker feet. 1.00

01:01:22.000 Hooker dirty feet, concrete and sperm. 1.00

01:01:24.000 That shit don't mix. 1.00

01:01:25.000 But let's face it, he took those women to his room. 1.00

01:01:28.000 Eddie Bravo has a real interesting take on this.

01:01:31.000 He had a real good take on this, and there was another guy that got charged for it.

01:01:34.000 Was it CeeLo Green guy who was giving girls ecstasy or something like that?

01:01:37.000 Yes, CeeLo Green was giving Molly.

01:01:39.000 And Eddie was talking about what it must be like to be a really famous guy who's really rich, but you're also maybe not the most attractive guy in the world.

01:01:48.000 So maybe some of them, they want to get to know you, but then when you want them to be sexually attracted to you, it doesn't happen.

01:01:55.000 And so if you're a creep you start drugging them and and that's what what Eddie was Proposing he was saying like maybe like he just got tired of them saying no And he thought he was better than them and just dropped it in I forget exactly the Eddie's words But I hadn't considered it like that I hadn't thought about it like that like maybe maybe they're not all saying yes I mean maybe it is what I'm weird thing with them where it got like really frustrating and then he just decided to do it or Is it possible?

01:02:24.000 That maybe this was like a much more prevalent and accepted thing in the circles that he was running in in like the 1960s?

01:02:33.000 Is it possible that people like you would talk about people giving people a mickey or he did a joke about Spanish fly and that Spanish fly joke?

01:02:41.000 Is it possible that more people were doing this back then and we're just finding out about it now?

01:02:46.000 I don't know, because, I mean, the Slipping the Mickey thing was totally...

01:02:50.000 I mean, and the Spanish Fly thing was almost common.

01:02:53.000 Like, people talked about it almost...

01:02:55.000 Talked about it.

01:02:55.000 Like, on The Tonight Show, I think, Bill Cosby talked about it.

01:02:58.000 Like, you know, and it seemed like it was more accepted, but...

01:03:03.000 I'm just...

01:03:04.000 Was it...

01:03:04.000 They weren't aware?

01:03:05.000 Was it like...

01:03:06.000 But I don't know anybody who got, like, in the 60s or 70s, who got a Mickey slipped into them.

01:03:11.000 It's like, why was that such a common expression?

01:03:15.000 Charles Bronson never did it.

01:03:17.000 James Colbert never did it.

01:03:19.000 Steve McQueen never did it. 0.99

01:03:20.000 Fucking Burt Reynolds never did it. 0.99

01:03:23.000 Can you do me a favor, Burt Reynolds? 0.99

01:03:25.000 I wanted to show Joe Rogan some.

01:03:26.000 Can you get me the beginning of the longest yard?

01:03:28.000 I want to show Joe Rogan how much times have changed.

01:03:31.000 You know what?

01:03:31.000 It's really dark.

01:03:33.000 There's something real dark about it.

01:03:35.000 Like, you can imagine, like, what is...

01:03:36.000 Just what is...

01:03:37.000 What's going on?

01:03:39.000 What is his essence?

01:03:40.000 You know, what is his soul?

01:03:42.000 He's doing that. 0.69

01:03:43.000 Oh, that's his freak.

01:03:44.000 Was there a movie that made it look sexy back in the day?

01:03:48.000 Like, a James Bond?

01:03:49.000 Like, oh, I got some Spanish fly.

01:03:51.000 It seems like I remember there was something...

01:03:53.000 No, you know what there was a movie though?

01:03:55.000 Animal House, where he had to decide whether or not to do the right thing or the wrong thing.

01:04:00.000 Remember, the lady blacked out? 1.00

01:04:01.000 Yes, with the devil on his shoulders, yes.

01:04:03.000 And the angel was saying, hey, you know, she's blacked out. 1.00

01:04:06.000 The devil's like, fuck her, suck her tits, fuck her. 1.00

01:04:09.000 And, you know, he couldn't figure out what to do. 1.00

01:04:11.000 Like, you probably couldn't even do that movie today.

01:04:14.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:04:15.000 Is it a racer or you should not rape her? 1.00

01:04:17.000 But as a joke? 0.99

01:04:18.000 You can't...

01:04:19.000 I mean, it's one thing if this was a...

01:04:20.000 You can obviously have a horrific rape scene if it's like a drama, right?

01:04:25.000 But if it's a comedy and you're joking around about rape, you can't have that.

01:04:29.000 No one will accept that today.

01:04:31.000 What's the last rape scene that made you uncomfortable?

01:04:35.000 There's always rape scenes that make you uncomfortable, but what I'm saying is that you couldn't have a joke about potentially raping a girl, like Animal House. 1.00

01:04:43.000 You could have a horrible scene in a realistic show, but where the devil's on your shoulder in a comedy going, fucker, fucker! 1.00

01:04:51.000 Like, whoa! 1.00

01:04:53.000 I don't think you could do that today.

01:04:55.000 Well, watch this for a second.

01:04:56.000 Jamie, did you find it?

01:04:57.000 It's in there.

01:04:58.000 It's in there.

01:04:59.000 Opening scene from the original Longest Yard.

01:05:01.000 Watch this.

01:05:02.000 You're going to die. 1.00

01:05:03.000 You're going to say they could not do this in a fucking movie. 1.00

01:05:06.000 And to top it off, you got Leonard Skinner on. 0.99

01:05:09.000 This is the original Longest Yard?

01:05:10.000 The original Longest Yard. 0.87

01:05:11.000 The first scene in the Longest Yard is so fucking off-color that it could not be done today. 0.51

01:05:18.000 We just watched it by mistake one day and we're like... 0.99

01:05:21.000 Oh my God, that's fucking bad. 0.99

01:05:24.000 Really? 0.99

01:05:24.000 I never, listen, I ran in those circles. 0.99

01:05:26.000 I'm going to look you guys in the face.

01:05:28.000 I never heard of people spiking girls. 1.00

01:05:31.000 That would not be acceptable where I came from. 0.99

01:05:34.000 That would not be fucking acceptable. 0.98

01:05:36.000 Don't get me wrong. 1.00

01:05:37.000 I've gotten chicks coked up to the gills to suck my dick, but they're awake. 1.00

01:05:43.000 And I had an intention, you know what I'm saying? 1.00

01:05:45.000 They felt bad the next day, but they did the blow.

01:05:48.000 You do the devil, you got to drink the cider, you know what I'm saying?

01:05:53.000 If you do the devil...

01:05:54.000 Watch this, guys.

01:05:55.000 This is just...

01:05:57.000 Crank it.

01:06:02.000 I think the love is going out of our relationship. 1.00

01:06:12.000 Bastard. 0.99

01:06:15.000 Don't take my Maserati. 0.99

01:06:18.000 I heard it, too.

01:06:21.000 This is a terrible movie.

01:06:23.000 Watch this, dog. 1.00

01:06:24.000 I told you not to touch my goddamn car! 1.00

01:06:29.000 You can't do that today. 1.00

01:06:32.000 He's like, y'all, shit, this is terrible. 1.00

01:06:34.000 Dude, this is so bad. 1.00

01:06:37.000 This is 1973. I can't believe how bad it is.

01:06:42.000 This is drinking in the garden.

01:06:44.000 That's what people did back then. 0.99

01:06:47.000 Are you fucking kidding me? 0.99

01:06:49.000 Are you fucking kidding me? 1.00

01:06:52.000 Chewing gum. 0.99

01:06:54.000 Smiling.

01:06:54.000 Chewing gum while drinking.

01:06:58.000 What kind of shitbox is he driving though? 0.80

01:07:00.000 That's a Maserati in 1973. That's what a Maserati looked like? 0.74

01:07:04.000 That you just said, don't touch my Maserati.

01:07:06.000 That's hilarious.

01:07:07.000 Isn't that funny?

01:07:08.000 That that could be like a cool car?

01:07:12.000 And the cops are now coming after him?

01:07:14.000 While he's drinking.

01:07:16.000 He throws it in the backseat.

01:07:18.000 This is Bert Reynolds and the plan of his life, guys.

01:07:24.000 He's outrunning the cops with his Maserati here.

01:07:27.000 This is hilarious.

01:07:30.000 They're in a go-kart race. 0.99

01:07:31.000 That car is such a shitbox. 0.99

01:07:33.000 Look at it. 0.99

01:07:34.000 My dad had that car.

01:07:38.000 Your dad had that car?

01:07:40.000 I think so.

01:07:40.000 I think he had an old one.

01:07:42.000 Giant, big, goofy American cars chasing it.

01:07:51.000 These cars handle so bad! 0.98

01:08:01.000 Pretty goddamn good chasing, though. 0.97

01:08:03.000 Hold on, that guy's better. 0.88

01:08:10.000 I don't think... 0.98

01:08:11.000 This is so ridiculous. 0.97

01:08:16.000 Well-timed. 0.99

01:08:26.000 Jesus Christ. 1.00

01:08:29.000 Goddamn. 1.00

01:08:30.000 Boom. 0.99

01:08:32.000 Probably should call off the car chase, huh?

01:08:34.000 Listen, guys, the car chases in those days were so tough.

01:08:36.000 When you see that movie with McQueen and they're chasing him in San Francisco and that Mustang, that was so much tougher to drive that car.

01:08:44.000 Oh, yeah. 0.99

01:08:45.000 That shit now, today, it's easy. 1.00

01:08:47.000 This is when you had to be a fucking monster. 1.00

01:08:49.000 Yeah, these cars are dog shit. 1.00

01:08:51.000 Like, look how skinny his tires are. 1.00

01:08:53.000 You see how skinny those tires are? 1.00

01:08:54.000 There's, like, no traction on those fucking things. 1.00

01:08:58.000 They didn't fucking know. 0.99

01:08:59.000 The mechanical grip was nothing. 0.99

01:09:00.000 They didn't know.

01:09:00.000 Look at this guy.

01:09:05.000 Oh my goodness. 1.00

01:09:09.000 This bad motherfucker tearing shit up in this country in 73. This is before Cannibal Ron, right? 1.00

01:09:16.000 Yeah, this is when he was still a fucking savage. 0.98

01:09:19.000 I like how the trunk magically closes again. 0.99

01:09:20.000 But watch this now.

01:09:21.000 He's still listening to the same song. 1.00

01:09:23.000 Fuck yeah! 1.00

01:09:24.000 He hit rewind and shit on the 8-track. 1.00

01:09:29.000 Look at the cigarettes he smokes, too. 1.00

01:09:30.000 He ain't fucking around, guys. 0.99

01:09:32.000 This was him. 0.99

01:09:33.000 Again, this is a different America.

01:09:35.000 This was him against Clint Eastwood, against Charles Bronson, against James Coburn. 1.00

01:09:40.000 You had to do this crazy type shit, smack bitches and shit to get attention. 1.00

01:09:44.000 Look at the pants he's got on. 1.00

01:09:45.000 How did you do that?

01:09:48.000 Because he doesn't want them to catch him.

01:09:50.000 Don't you understand, Brian?

01:09:52.000 No, but how did he put the gas? 1.00

01:09:54.000 Back then, those cars were dog shit. 1.00

01:09:56.000 You could just fucking press a button and it would go into the water. 1.00

01:10:00.000 Forward button. 0.99

01:10:00.000 Then he goes to the bar and the cops come in and he's sitting there fucking hammered. 0.99

01:10:05.000 And they're like stepping away from the bar and the little guy goes, why'd you throw a whole car in the ocean? 0.97

01:10:09.000 He goes, because it needed a car wash.

01:10:13.000 Jamie, put on the chase scene from Bullet.

01:10:16.000 I watched Bullet this year.

01:10:18.000 I was up in Canada and it was on TV. You gotta sit there and go.

01:10:22.000 It was so good. 1.00

01:10:23.000 What the fuck were they thinking? 1.00

01:10:24.000 I watched it from the beginning to the end. 1.00

01:10:26.000 It was great. 1.00

01:10:26.000 What the fuck were they thinking? 1.00

01:10:27.000 Bullet, Steve McQueen, cop movie. 1.00

01:10:30.000 In San Francisco, and they have a crazy scene with a 68 Mustang where McQueen is chasing this guy.

01:10:35.000 This guy's chasing him in a Dodge Charger.

01:10:37.000 Oh, it's one of the all-time great car scenes. 1.00

01:10:39.000 Look at this shit. 0.98

01:10:40.000 The guy's got this gigantic Dodge Charger, and he's got this dope 68 Mustang, which, for cars back then, handled really goddamn good. 0.99

01:10:49.000 I mean, that was a lightweight car with a good amount of power, but, you know, there are drum brakes and shitty suspension, and so these guys are driving around the corners in these cars.

01:10:59.000 It's sped up.

01:11:00.000 Is it sped up?

01:11:01.000 It was like a video.

01:11:04.000 It is a little sped up, huh?

01:11:06.000 Look at this poor bat. 0.61

01:11:08.000 This is when you were a stuntman now.

01:11:09.000 This guy's in the hospital. 1.00

01:11:11.000 Fuck Tate. 1.00

01:11:11.000 That guy actually had to lay down. 1.00

01:11:12.000 This guy got a thousand stitches and shit. 1.00

01:11:15.000 That's when you fucking were a stuntman. 1.00

01:11:17.000 They didn't have pads or nothing. 0.99

01:11:18.000 You did it with Wranglers on.

01:11:19.000 How much of Steve McQueen's own driving did he do?

01:11:22.000 I don't know.

01:11:23.000 How much in the movie?

01:11:24.000 Because he's obviously doing some of it. 0.99

01:11:25.000 He could drive his ass off. 1.00

01:11:27.000 Yeah, he could drive his ass off. 0.99

01:11:28.000 He used to race. 0.97

01:11:28.000 Didn't he do another movie he played? 0.97

01:11:29.000 Yes.

01:11:30.000 What was the name of the movie?

01:11:31.000 Le Mans.

01:11:32.000 He played Le Mans.

01:11:33.000 That's a great movie.

01:11:33.000 I forgot all about that one.

01:11:35.000 That's a great movie.

01:11:37.000 Yeah, and it's another movie that for like 10 minutes nobody says a word.

01:11:42.000 That's the thing about this chase scene.

01:11:44.000 One of the craziest things about it is how well orchestrated it is, how cool it is. 1.00

01:11:48.000 Look at that skinny ass bitch tires. 1.00

01:11:50.000 Joe Rosen, this would not work today. 1.00

01:11:51.000 People would walk out of this movie today.

01:11:53.000 They have no attention span anymore.

01:11:55.000 Not me, but today the attention span.

01:11:57.000 For a big time movie for sure.

01:11:59.000 People are used to these smash cuts and they're used to MTV style editing.

01:12:04.000 Music videos are like the champions of quick editing.

01:12:08.000 Eddie Bravo, again, explained that to me.

01:12:10.000 He was talking to me about how they make music videos.

01:12:12.000 If you ever notice, they're constantly switching angles, constantly changing the way it looks.

01:12:17.000 He goes, you don't have a static image for like 60 seconds, you know, like someone standing there.

01:12:22.000 He goes, that's really rare.

01:12:23.000 Most of the time, like, especially pop songs, they're constantly trying to move the image around to keep you interested in it.

01:12:30.000 But this movie, look, we're watching this guy load shells into his shotgun for like 20 seconds.

01:12:37.000 They set everything up in a different way.

01:12:39.000 At the beginning of the mechanic, there's not a word for the first 14 minutes.

01:12:44.000 He just watches the guy and sets him up.

01:12:47.000 Same thing.

01:12:47.000 You're sitting there going, what's going on in here?

01:12:50.000 They're fucking up that Dodge Charger. 0.99

01:12:52.000 Between this movie and the Dukes of Hazzard, more people fucked up Dodge Chargers. 1.00

01:12:59.000 It hurts my soul. 1.00

01:13:01.000 I watch the Dukes of Hazzard and watch that fucking car make a jump and watch the frame bend. 0.99

01:13:04.000 And then they just drive away. 0.98

01:13:06.000 And you know that the car that they jumped with is not the car they're driving with.

01:13:11.000 They put a kit on it, correct?

01:13:13.000 Well, you know, they just got a bunch of them.

01:13:16.000 And they just broke a bunch of them.

01:13:17.000 But they did have some fake ones, too.

01:13:20.000 Like some other cars with a Charger body shell that they would sacrifice.

01:13:24.000 Well, Miami Vice, all those cars were just kits.

01:13:26.000 Yeah, oh, for those Ferraris and stuff.

01:13:28.000 Don Johnson's was a kit. 1.00

01:13:29.000 That was a fucking kit. 0.99

01:13:30.000 A Testarossa. 1.00

01:13:31.000 Was it really?

01:13:31.000 It was a kit?

01:13:32.000 It wasn't a real Testarossa?

01:13:34.000 No kidding.

01:13:35.000 Wow.

01:13:36.000 I've seen a Miata that somebody turned into a Testarossa.

01:13:40.000 No, not a Miata, I'm sorry.

01:13:42.000 Fiero.

01:13:42.000 Remember those Fieros?

01:13:44.000 Pontiac Fiero?

01:13:45.000 My sister had one of those.

01:13:47.000 The trade-in value on those was Ugats.

01:13:49.000 When you brought those back, there were like 800 people with crack right there like a statue.

01:13:54.000 I paid $8,000. 1.00

01:13:56.000 Oh, shit! 1.00

01:13:56.000 I forgot about that scene. 1.00

01:13:58.000 The guy loses the car and goes right into the gas station and it blows up.

01:14:02.000 Oh, he almost lost it.

01:14:03.000 Remember kit cars?

01:14:04.000 I almost got a kit car.

01:14:05.000 They still have them.

01:14:06.000 Do they?

01:14:07.000 I was looking in the back of one of those hot rod magazines and they had this kit car thing.

01:14:12.000 It was like not that much money either for the kit and you put it together yourself and you have to, I think you have to put an engine in it, you have to do the whole thing.

01:14:20.000 But some people actually do that.

01:14:21.000 They actually build their own cars.

01:14:23.000 Yeah.

01:14:24.000 For my first car when I was 15, that was one of my options.

01:14:28.000 It was to get an army kit car, where you could build your own army Jeep.

01:14:31.000 Right, right, the Jeeps, right?

01:14:32.000 You get the Jeeps for $250, and put it on a different frame or something crazy.

01:14:37.000 Yeah, it was advertised.

01:14:38.000 It's like back in comic books.

01:14:40.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:14:41.000 There's a car, I think it's called the Noble, I think it's called, but it's a car, I think it's from England, and they ship it over here.

01:14:47.000 It's this beautiful, crazy-looking sports car.

01:14:50.000 They ship it over here with no engine, and you have to get an engine put in it.

01:14:54.000 It's like, so it's not really, I mean, they don't consider it a car when you buy it, and that's how they can sell it to you, because it's not, you know, it doesn't have all the, it doesn't pass all the regulations that you need.

01:15:05.000 You know how to do that?

01:15:06.000 Is Maserati an Italian car?

01:15:08.000 Yes. 0.89

01:15:09.000 When they were shipping cars over in the 70s, they had to take the engines out and shit, so the Mafia couldn't steal the cars. 0.97

01:15:15.000 Really? 0.95

01:15:16.000 Yeah.

01:15:16.000 They also, when they sent Italian shoes over, after a while, they would just send cargoes with Wright shoes.

01:15:22.000 And then car goes with left shoes because like that they wouldn't get robbed.

01:15:25.000 That's hilarious. 0.98

01:15:26.000 Fucking hilarious. 1.00

01:15:27.000 They would rob the fucking, you know, the cars, the fucking docks or the Italian shoes. 1.00

01:15:32.000 Well, the docks have always been known as been like one of the places for organized crime, right? 0.99

01:15:36.000 On the waterfront with Marlon Brando, my buddy Joe Lake that we were talking about, he was a teamster.

01:15:41.000 He was a longshoreman.

01:15:43.000 And, you know, a longshoreman.

01:15:45.000 That whole world has always been depicted in movies as being organized crime headquarters.

01:15:51.000 They meet down by the docks.

01:15:53.000 There's always people like that.

01:15:55.000 The rough, hard tumble, hard scrabble people. 1.00

01:15:59.000 Hamlin, loan sharks.

01:16:00.000 Everything goes on there.

01:16:02.000 You can buy jackets.

01:16:03.000 Anything that comes off those files.

01:16:05.000 I have a friend till this day.

01:16:06.000 I talked to him yesterday.

01:16:07.000 He still drives cars.

01:16:09.000 Off the ships.

01:16:10.000 That's what he does for a living.

01:16:11.000 Wow. 1.00

01:16:12.000 So the ships come in with like Hondas and shit? 1.00

01:16:14.000 42 fucking dollars an hour plus overtime, since he was in high school. 0.99

01:16:19.000 Oh, this is what I was going to ask you earlier, but I didn't want to interrupt your story. 0.99

01:16:23.000 Do they grow heroin in other countries?

01:16:26.000 I don't even know if you know the answer to this.

01:16:28.000 But they grow it in other countries because they can't grow it here?

01:16:31.000 Or do they grow it in other countries because it's not financially viable here?

01:16:35.000 I think the poppy seed...

01:16:36.000 Well, listen, let me tell you something.

01:16:37.000 If any drug dealer could grow poppy seeds here and eliminate the travel, they would have done it by now.

01:16:43.000 But would they have?

01:16:44.000 What I'm thinking is...

01:16:45.000 Absolutely. 0.98

01:16:46.000 Anybody who could cut that cost out and eliminate that whole fucking journey every time? 0.96

01:16:50.000 I think you need a lot of land. 0.97

01:16:52.000 I think it's one of those things that would be really hard to do indoors.

01:16:55.000 Because I think it's something that they do, like when they make heroin, you need a lot of land to make a smaller amount of heroin than you would think.

01:17:03.000 Poppy seeders comes from...

01:17:04.000 Heroin comes from the poppy plant, correct?

01:17:06.000 And I think it's high out.

01:17:08.000 It's like coca leaves.

01:17:09.000 Why don't they grow coca leaves here? 0.99

01:17:10.000 Are you fucking kidding? 0.98

01:17:10.000 Yeah, that's exactly the same question I was going to ask. 0.98

01:17:12.000 Why don't they grow coca leaves here?

01:17:13.000 But I heard now that that's a big...

01:17:15.000 Uh, market now.

01:17:16.000 People are importing coca leaves.

01:17:18.000 People in Beverly Hills now are having coca leaves parties with cigars.

01:17:22.000 Well, you chew those coca leaves.

01:17:23.000 They're supposed to be great. 0.99

01:17:25.000 And you smoke a cigar and drink wine and people get fucked up. 0.99

01:17:28.000 That's the rumor. 0.99

01:17:29.000 Like 300 of the leaf.

01:17:30.000 I don't know what the deal is. 0.99

01:17:31.000 I've never eaten no fucking leaves. 0.99

01:17:32.000 I would. 0.99

01:17:33.000 The people in the high altitude in Peru, they have bags of these things they take with them.

01:17:39.000 It's really kind of freaky to watch.

01:17:40.000 They pack their mouths with it, and they have like a squirrel-sized lump on the side of their face, and they just chew these leaves. 0.99

01:17:46.000 It's like fucking chewing tobacco, only coca leaves. 0.99

01:17:48.000 Except it's actually kind of healthy for you. 1.00

01:17:50.000 Yeah.

01:17:50.000 It's not bad for you.

01:17:51.000 Well, that's before you had to get...

01:17:52.000 What was I... There's a fucking new drug. 1.00

01:17:55.000 Did you see this, this crocodile? 1.00

01:17:57.000 Yeah, it's been around for a while. 1.00

01:17:59.000 What the fuck is this? 0.99

01:18:00.000 Where they take a Dilata and they process it into something else? 1.00

01:18:05.000 They put two drugs in this. 0.91

01:18:07.000 Gasoline and red sulfur.

01:18:09.000 That should tell you right there.

01:18:10.000 That's not the drug for me.

01:18:12.000 Right or wrong?

01:18:12.000 You put gasoline and then it eats the skin?

01:18:15.000 Yeah, it's causing necrosis in some of these people. 0.97

01:18:19.000 How fucking high could this get you? 0.97

01:18:21.000 I think it starts out when they just have a little bit of a bruised area or a fucked up area and then they just get hooked on shooting it in and they keep shooting in that spot and it keeps getting worse and worse and it's just not getting better and then it starts really going downhill and then they get super depressed and they keep shooting it in there. 0.99

01:18:38.000 I think it's a real bad drug. 0.71

01:18:41.000 A real dangerous, scary drug.

01:18:42.000 And apparently they're doing it when they can't get heroin.

01:18:45.000 That's how a lot of it got started.

01:18:47.000 We read it online.

01:18:49.000 But the images, if they're correct, if those are real images, if people's bones poked out of their skin, that really is true. 0.99

01:18:54.000 That's spooky as fuck. 0.98

01:18:57.000 When your bones are exposed, you've got a problem. 1.00

01:18:59.000 It's a problem.

01:19:00.000 It's a real problem.

01:19:01.000 I used to snort coke with a guy while he was talking to you.

01:19:05.000 He'd have to get the straw and then put like a paperclip in his nose because the skin had collapsed.

01:19:11.000 So we'd have to pick the skin up, put the dollar in there, and then snort it. 0.99

01:19:15.000 Oh my God.

01:19:18.000 And this was an 85. Now he's missing his nose.

01:19:22.000 Like he ain't even breathing no water.

01:19:24.000 That was an 85 the last time I snorted with that guy.

01:19:27.000 And he would have to pick up the wall from his nose.

01:19:30.000 Jamie, find out why they don't grow cocaine in the United States. 1.00

01:19:33.000 Can you imagine that shit? 0.99

01:19:34.000 Someone on the message board says it takes an acre of cocoa leaves to make a kilo, so they need, like, slave labor to collect and process. 1.00

01:19:40.000 Uh-huh.

01:19:41.000 That does make some sense.

01:19:43.000 Listen, brother, they could do it here.

01:19:44.000 They would have done it here.

01:19:45.000 Trust me, I'm telling you.

01:19:46.000 They had the financing. 1.00

01:19:48.000 They've had the fucking money. 1.00

01:19:50.000 They could have hid it back then, right? 1.00

01:19:54.000 No, they can't do it.

01:19:55.000 There's a reason why they can't do it here.

01:19:57.000 It's about the altitude.

01:19:58.000 There's something in the soil.

01:19:59.000 There's some reason.

01:20:01.000 Both of those things.

01:20:02.000 If not, some drug dealer would have hired a chemist and said, bring it over here. 0.99

01:20:06.000 Some Chinese guy, okay, with tons of loot, would have got another genius Chinese guy 30 years ago and said, teach us how to grow this shit in Jersey. 0.99

01:20:16.000 And that's it. 1.00

01:20:17.000 It would have eliminated everything.

01:20:18.000 But there's some reason why.

01:20:20.000 You know, you just can't.

01:20:22.000 They made synthetic heroin, yeah. 1.00

01:20:24.000 But you need that Chinese white shit. 1.00

01:20:27.000 On this coast, they have the Mexican that tar. 1.00

01:20:30.000 That shit you just shoot and you smoke. 1.00

01:20:33.000 But on the East Coast, that white powder is what the suburban kids like. 1.00

01:20:37.000 That's what the models get hooked on because it's two bumps.

01:20:40.000 And you're done.

01:20:42.000 You're done.

01:20:43.000 It's lights out.

01:20:44.000 And now they're making it purer than ever.

01:20:47.000 Because it's coming from Afghanistan? 0.99

01:20:49.000 This next war, this last war, when this started after 9-11, this picked up heroin again.

01:20:54.000 It started coming in here again.

01:20:57.000 Especially in the Detroit area. 1.00

01:20:59.000 Detroit is not as fucked up as it is because, you know, it's fucked up. 1.00

01:21:02.000 It's because they just threw heroin in there. 1.00

01:21:05.000 They couldn't fucking handle it, man. 0.99

01:21:07.000 And the same thing happened in Newark, New Jersey. 1.00

01:21:09.000 It happened in a couple fucking areas that I know about because I have friends that shoot fucking heroin. 0.99

01:21:14.000 And they tell you this and you're like, hmm, that's interesting that this happened after 9-11. 0.99

01:21:19.000 Wow.

01:21:20.000 So...

01:21:21.000 Well, I mean, the production of heroin has gone through the roof in Afghanistan.

01:21:25.000 Through the roof.

01:21:25.000 You know, and there's all sorts of reasons why they have excuses why they let them do it, or why it's happening, or why, you know, the army helps them.

01:21:33.000 So pills are at their all-time highest, and heroin's at their all-time highest. 0.99

01:21:37.000 Who's doing this shit? 0.99

01:21:38.000 But where are they making the pills from? 1.00

01:21:40.000 Do they need actual heroin to make those pills?

01:21:42.000 Do they need poppy seeds? 0.98

01:21:44.000 They need something.

01:21:45.000 Some of it is probably synthetic.

01:21:47.000 Yeah, it's probably all synthetic, right?

01:21:49.000 But what does that mean, though?

01:21:50.000 Where are they getting the compounds to put it together?

01:21:52.000 Where did it come from?

01:21:54.000 They have to have a raw version of something that turns into heroin, right?

01:21:58.000 When you say synthetic, it's not like you press a 3D printer and heroin comes out.

01:22:03.000 There has to be things that they...

01:22:05.000 A lot of pharmaceuticals, we think of them as pharmaceuticals, but a lot of them, they're actually getting some of the chemicals from plants.

01:22:12.000 You know, that's one of the reasons why they mine the rainforest.

01:22:15.000 They're always looking for different plants that they can exploit, and they can make pharmaceutical drugs out of.

01:22:20.000 It's kind of like, I remember when I was a hippie, a lot of people had synthetic peyote, and I don't know what that even means, but I think they just took the compounds, whatever makes, you know, real peyote, and just recreate it in a lab somehow.

01:22:35.000 You know, it's like...

01:22:36.000 Isn't it like ingredients?

01:22:38.000 Well, there was a story that I read about Coca-Cola.

01:22:40.000 Because Coca-Cola uses real coca leaves.

01:22:43.000 Right.

01:22:43.000 Real coca leaves.

01:22:44.000 Still today?

01:22:44.000 Still today.

01:22:45.000 They use real coca leaves.

01:22:47.000 And they don't have cocaine in them anymore.

01:22:49.000 What they do is they get these coca leaves and they bring them to this medical cocaine supplying company.

01:22:54.000 Right, and they take the coke out, sell that to New Jersey, a company in New Jersey, and they put it into pills and medicine.

01:23:02.000 They put it into medicine.

01:23:03.000 You're right.

01:23:03.000 Absolutely right.

01:23:04.000 So that's all coming from coca leaves, which is really crazy.

01:23:07.000 Like, you wouldn't have thought that.

01:23:09.000 You would have thought that, like, synthetic cocaine or lidocaine or whatever the fuck it is that they're using, whatever versions of medical-grade cocaine that they use, you would have thought, somehow or another, that's coming from chemicals.

01:23:19.000 That's what we would think.

01:23:20.000 It's synthetic. 1.00

01:23:21.000 We always like to say shit like that. 0.99

01:23:23.000 But what does that mean? 0.99

01:23:24.000 Like there's got to be like raw compounds that are used to make this stuff.

01:23:29.000 Where are those coming from? 0.56

01:23:31.000 It's coming from the origin. 0.97

01:23:32.000 I think synthetic means they take some of the origin and they put other shit in it to match it and they make it cheaper for you. 0.93

01:23:39.000 It's like when you go to the store now and you go, hi, I'm here to pick up my medication. 0.93

01:23:43.000 They go, well, we wanted to ask you a question.

01:23:45.000 Do you want the original Oxycontin or do you want Melocontin, which is the same, only made in Switzerland, but instead of $80, the prescription is $28.

01:23:54.000 Right.

01:23:56.000 So I shouldn't say synthetic heroin, synthetic opiates.

01:24:04.000 Where do synthetic opiates come from?

01:24:07.000 Derived from opium.

01:24:10.000 Well, there's a bunch that are derived from opium. 1.00

01:24:12.000 Wow, that's a fucking nutty list. 0.99

01:24:15.000 Morphine, codeine, heroin, t-bane, and oropavine. 1.00

01:24:20.000 Huh.

01:24:21.000 I didn't know.

01:24:23.000 Codeine.

01:24:24.000 Heroin.

01:24:25.000 Heroin and morphine.

01:24:27.000 How similar are they?

01:24:30.000 It's like the same.

01:24:31.000 Really?

01:24:32.000 That's what I've heard.

01:24:33.000 I mean, I don't use them, obviously, but I've heard...

01:24:34.000 If that's true, then I've done heroin.

01:24:37.000 They're cousins. 0.99

01:24:38.000 They're like the gay cousins. 1.00

01:24:40.000 I was on a morphine drip when I got my knee operated on my first time. 0.94

01:24:45.000 It was amazing.

01:24:46.000 Oh, my God.

01:24:46.000 I kept hitting that button.

01:24:47.000 You hit the button whenever you want.

01:24:49.000 This is like 1993. They didn't regulate you.

01:24:52.000 So I was lying in this bed.

01:24:54.000 My knee was killing me.

01:24:55.000 And I'd hit that button.

01:24:56.000 It would be like NyQuil.

01:24:57.000 Like taking NyQuil.

01:24:58.000 Like clip, clip.

01:24:59.000 Wow.

01:25:01.000 That's probably what heroin's like.

01:25:02.000 Mm-hmm.

01:25:03.000 It's pretty sweet.

01:25:04.000 Let's do it.

01:25:04.000 So I've done it.

01:25:05.000 So there you go.

01:25:06.000 I've done heroin.

01:25:07.000 I didn't even think I did, but then I remembered that one night that I had to stay in the hospital, and I had my ACL reconstructed.

01:25:15.000 That's why they had me there, and it was done with a patella tendon graft.

01:25:18.000 That's how they did it back then.

01:25:19.000 That was a good way to do it.

01:25:20.000 Sometimes they still do it that way today.

01:25:22.000 They're taking a chunk of bone off my knee and a chunk of bone off my shin and a sliver of my patella tendon.

01:25:29.000 And then they open you up like a fish, screw this piece of meat and use the bone piece that they cut out of the shin and the bone piece that they cut out of the kneecap and then they reconstruct the knee. 0.99

01:25:41.000 And it hurts like a motherfucker, dude. 0.99

01:25:43.000 Woo! 1.00

01:25:44.000 It's like lightning bolts shooting.

01:25:47.000 Whenever you cut into bone and drill...

01:25:50.000 The other one that I had done, I had done with a cadaver, like, way easier.

01:25:54.000 I mean, like, almost nothing.

01:25:56.000 Like, I went to...

01:25:57.000 You know Matt Lichtenberg.

01:25:59.000 I went to his birthday party five days after the operation.

01:26:02.000 Just walked.

01:26:03.000 I was fine.

01:26:04.000 I had a brace on it.

01:26:06.000 I didn't want to hurt myself, but I didn't need crutches.

01:26:08.000 I could get around.

01:26:10.000 It's totally different than the patella tendon graft. 1.00

01:26:13.000 Your leg blows up like a fucking balloon. 0.98

01:26:15.000 But I'm lying in bed and they have me on this continuous motion machine. 0.99

01:26:18.000 From the moment you come out of the operating room, they don't want your leg to stiffen up because then it's really hard to get moving again.

01:26:24.000 Once you get really rigid, the trauma sets in and it's really difficult to straighten your leg out.

01:26:30.000 So right away, they have you on this thing.

01:26:31.000 It's like...

01:26:32.000 So not only are you in agony, but your leg is on this continual machine.

01:26:42.000 Morphine is commonly related to is morphine sulfate.

01:26:46.000 Heroin is diacetylmorphine.

01:26:49.000 That is, heroin is simply morphine with an acetyl.

01:26:52.000 Molecule attached.

01:26:54.000 Acetyl?

01:26:54.000 Acetyl.

01:26:55.000 Acetylmorph molecule attached. 1.00

01:26:57.000 So it's basically the same shit. 0.99

01:26:58.000 Yeah, and that molecule just does it faster. 0.99

01:27:02.000 Yeah, in terms of the effects, they're exactly the same.

01:27:05.000 And medically interchangeable, except for the dosage.

01:27:07.000 In fact, they're both converted to the same form of morphine when they get into the body.

01:27:12.000 Fascinating.

01:27:13.000 Thank you, young Jack. 1.00

01:27:14.000 It's all, you know, when you had surgery or anything like that, it's all, when they give you that shit. 0.99

01:27:19.000 They're giving you heroin. 0.99

01:27:19.000 Isn't that amazing? 0.99

01:27:20.000 They're giving you H, man.

01:27:21.000 You know?

01:27:21.000 In a different form.

01:27:22.000 It's not the street level, but it's a form of what you're getting high.

01:27:26.000 And it's tremendous.

01:27:27.000 Who doesn't like that high?

01:27:29.000 My friend's mom had cancer, and she went through all the channels, and she was on her way out, and she decided to go out on her own by taking all her morphine.

01:27:39.000 She just said, look, what a beautiful way to do it.

01:27:41.000 Just do it like this.

01:27:43.000 She took it all.

01:27:43.000 They were giving her something for pain, and I guess she had enough to stop the ticker.

01:27:48.000 And she just said, it's enough.

01:27:50.000 She's like, I'm wasting away.

01:27:52.000 She goes, there's no hope.

01:27:53.000 It's over.

01:27:54.000 Her body, it was over.

01:27:55.000 It was like the last few days.

01:27:57.000 But that's how she decided to do it.

01:27:58.000 You gotta respect that, you know?

01:28:00.000 Like, the fact that that's illegal.

01:28:02.000 You know, I know it would be abused.

01:28:04.000 I know it could be abused by people that want to kill people.

01:28:06.000 You know, oh, my mom wanted to go.

01:28:08.000 You know, you could run into those type of people that would actually kill a family member to get some money from the will, kill a wife, you know? 0.54

01:28:17.000 Those kind of things. 1.00

01:28:19.000 But I think that Still, for someone who's dying, man, for your mom or something like that, when it's the last days, and you've got to watch her just in agony constantly with no light at the end of the tunnel, you know, she's 90 years old or whatever the hell she is, like, fuck, man. 0.99

01:28:34.000 Like, you've got to have a heart, man. 1.00

01:28:36.000 That shit should be legal. 0.99

01:28:37.000 You should be able to do that. 1.00

01:28:39.000 And in some places it is, right?

01:28:40.000 It's legal in Oregon.

01:28:41.000 Like, there was that one girl that was trying to do that. 0.99

01:28:44.000 She moved to Oregon.

01:28:45.000 Did she do it?

01:28:46.000 Yeah, she ended up delaying it a couple days, and then she did it. 0.99

01:28:50.000 Yeah.

01:28:52.000 Whew! 1.00

01:28:53.000 It's crazy shit, man. 1.00

01:28:54.000 I think you gotta be there to really make a decision on that one. 0.99

01:28:57.000 You know, they gotta be there.

01:28:59.000 It's tough to just...

01:29:00.000 Some people get tired of fighting.

01:29:02.000 You know, you get tired or you get weary from the illness just draining you.

01:29:05.000 And then the chemotherapy drains you sometimes even further.

01:29:09.000 And it's hard.

01:29:10.000 You know, the last days.

01:29:12.000 What's amazing is how many people benefit from CBDs from marijuana and how few people are getting it.

01:29:18.000 You know, the more I read about this and the more I talk to people that have had it and talk to people that have loved ones that have tried it on cancer and had incredible results, it just drives me nuts.

01:29:29.000 It's just so hard to believe that that stuff is still demonized, that people are still pretending that it's one of the worst things that society can make legal.

01:29:37.000 If it only did that with cancer, forget about the getting high part.

01:29:41.000 If it only did that for cancer, do you know how magical that drug would be?

01:29:45.000 It's got this creepy past.

01:29:48.000 It's like a stripper that wrote the most amazing book, but nobody wants to listen to it because she used to be a stripper. 0.96

01:29:54.000 Marijuana has this seedy part to it.

01:29:57.000 And that seedy part keeps people from recognizing the textile use, the uses as a commodity, the use for making houses, the use for food.

01:30:06.000 Like, if it was just all those things and didn't get people high, it would be our all-time favorite plant.

01:30:11.000 It would be the number one plant in the world.

01:30:13.000 We would be using it all the time.

01:30:15.000 They say that this hempcrete, have you ever heard of hempcrete, concrete they make with hemp?

01:30:19.000 It's supposed to be some of the most durable, lightweight, fire-resistant insulation.

01:30:26.000 It's great insulation properties.

01:30:29.000 And it's made out of hemp.

01:30:30.000 And you can make it cheap.

01:30:33.000 It doesn't cost a lot of money to grow hemp.

01:30:35.000 They just can't grow it. 1.00

01:30:36.000 You can't even get high from this shit. 1.00

01:30:37.000 I mean, it's really crazy if you stopped and thought about it. 1.00

01:30:40.000 If it was a plot in a movie, if there was something that was as powerful as the marijuana plant, it was something that had so many benefits, And it was somehow or another kept illegal.

01:30:49.000 And somehow or another the propaganda kept people thinking that it would be one of the worst things for a society if they were to make this legal. 1.00

01:30:55.000 You would lose your fucking mind. 1.00

01:30:56.000 You would go, this movie's stupid. 1.00

01:30:57.000 Like, this movie's dumb. 1.00

01:30:59.000 People would riot. 1.00

01:31:00.000 They wouldn't, they wouldn't, come on.

01:31:01.000 You got something that cures epilepsy in kids?

01:31:04.000 Little kids that have epilepsy? 0.99

01:31:06.000 Have you seen any different fucking kids that have benefited? 1.00

01:31:09.000 Johnny Rotten. 1.00

01:31:09.000 Yeah, our buddy Johnny. 1.00

01:31:10.000 His kid was having all sorts of seizures.

01:31:13.000 He moves up to Seattle, gets him on the medical marijuana program, boom, goes away.

01:31:17.000 Yeah.

01:31:18.000 Goes away, gets it a hundred times better, and the kid starts communicating.

01:31:21.000 Changed his life.

01:31:21.000 Changed that kid's life.

01:31:22.000 Fuck, man. 1.00

01:31:23.000 It's just weird. 1.00

01:31:24.000 It's one of the weirdest parts about being alive in 2015 is that there's so many improvements going on. 0.87

01:31:30.000 There's so much fascinating shit happening in our culture, and yet this one thing is like this holdout. 0.96

01:31:36.000 This clawing thing that clings to the sword. 0.99

01:31:39.000 It's not that.

01:31:41.000 It's the people's reaction that gets me still.

01:31:44.000 Like, I'm the type of guy that, you know what, man?

01:31:47.000 I didn't eat sushi until 1995, but I came around. 1.00

01:31:50.000 You know, when I was in New York, fuck you and raw fish. 1.00

01:31:53.000 You know what I'm saying? 1.00

01:31:54.000 Raw fish.

01:31:55.000 You know? 1.00

01:31:56.000 What the fuck? 1.00

01:31:57.000 But then one day I came around. 1.00

01:31:58.000 I never said I hated sushi.

01:32:00.000 I just said it wasn't for me at the time. 1.00

01:32:02.000 And then you listen to a fucking moron like Governor Christie, who just aggravates me. 1.00

01:32:06.000 It aggravates me that this guy is running for president. 1.00

01:32:09.000 This fucking year's president fucking list is horrible. 1.00

01:32:12.000 Thank God. 1.00

01:32:13.000 I'm happy I got felonies.

01:32:15.000 You're happy.

01:32:16.000 You don't have to vote. 1.00

01:32:18.000 You're like, these motherfuckers, from the Cuban dude to Christie, we're in bad shape, though. 1.00

01:32:23.000 Christie's ridiculous. 1.00

01:32:24.000 We're in bad shape. 1.00

01:32:24.000 He's a ridiculous person. 1.00

01:32:26.000 He's a ridiculous person. 1.00

01:32:26.000 He's so ridiculous. 1.00

01:32:27.000 Oh, my God. 1.00

01:32:28.000 I can't.

01:32:29.000 I'm so happy I don't live in Jersey, man. 0.97

01:32:31.000 I'm so fucking happy. 0.97

01:32:32.000 But you know what? 0.99

01:32:33.000 He's so mocked.

01:32:34.000 I can't imagine him ever.

01:32:36.000 And he's got that whole bridge thing that's going to hold him back.

01:32:39.000 He's not going to get enough.

01:32:40.000 But what he will do in doing this is raise his public profile.

01:32:44.000 And maybe he's pretty good at debating.

01:32:46.000 He's pretty good at talking.

01:32:48.000 And maybe if he has these conversations in front of America.

01:32:51.000 You know, the way he's been having them in New Jersey, maybe like in a big public forum like presidential debates.

01:32:56.000 It could be kind of interesting.

01:32:57.000 It could be interesting to hear him talk. 0.99

01:32:59.000 Because as moronic as he is, he's still a very good talker. 1.00

01:33:03.000 You know, I disagree with a lot of the shit that he says. 1.00

01:33:07.000 But I gotta respect the fact that the guy knows how to communicate. 0.99

01:33:10.000 Sometimes that's all you need in this goofy ass world. 0.97

01:33:12.000 Somebody writes you a good juicy script. 0.98

01:33:14.000 You have a bunch of people behind you.

01:33:16.000 They give you a little makeover.

01:33:17.000 They tried to do that with him. 1.00

01:33:18.000 They got him on that fucking belly band. 1.00

01:33:20.000 But somehow or another, it didn't work. 1.00

01:33:22.000 Like, he's still big.

01:33:24.000 Right?

01:33:24.000 I mean, he did get on that, right?

01:33:26.000 Find out if he did that. 0.96

01:33:27.000 Because that's ridiculous. 0.97

01:33:29.000 This is the way I look at it. 0.97

01:33:30.000 I grew up in Northern New Jersey.

01:33:32.000 I grew up in politicians' homes.

01:33:35.000 And I know that to be a politician in New Jersey, somewhere along the line, you gotta take an envelope. 0.98

01:33:43.000 And when you're running for president, it's pretty tough to take an envelope and people have to fucking raise their hand. 0.98

01:33:49.000 It's like Donald Trump. 0.98

01:33:51.000 When he raised his hand, I cannot believe it.

01:33:55.000 Just on what he did in New York in the 80s.

01:33:58.000 If that guy even moves...

01:34:00.000 What did he do in New York?

01:34:01.000 In New York in the 80s, when he was building all those things...

01:34:05.000 Hold on a second.

01:34:06.000 Once the rants start going, don't pull it up.

01:34:09.000 In the 80s, when he was doing all that developing, He shut up.

01:34:15.000 Like Rogan Construction.

01:34:17.000 Rogan Construction was started by your...

01:34:20.000 I'm just making a name up.

01:34:23.000 Rogan Construction was a company started by your grandpa in Newark and his two brothers and then he hired their sons and now they have 12 full-time employees and they've been putzing along since 1948 doing new construction and houses and remodels,

01:34:40.000 but whatever, they're keeping their lights on. 0.99

01:34:42.000 And all of a sudden, a GC comes in, who's a general contractor on this job, who's somebody like fucking Trump. 1.00

01:34:48.000 And he hires people like Rogan Construction and Search Electric and, oh God, it's fucking plumbing. 1.00

01:34:55.000 Oh God. 1.00

01:34:56.000 Suck my dick concrete. 1.00

01:34:58.000 You know, whatever the fuck the name of the company is. 1.00

01:35:01.000 Somebody make a t-shirt quickly. 0.99

01:35:03.000 And they would stiff him.

01:35:04.000 And all these companies went out of business.

01:35:07.000 All that construction he did in New York and New Jersey in the 80s was very suspect.

01:35:12.000 Number two, before he raised his hand, I hope, I hope that he's this intelligent.

01:35:18.000 Let me get that water, my brother. 0.97

01:35:19.000 I'm sorry to fuck up your little... 0.96

01:35:21.000 I hope that he called a congressman or a governor or somebody in Colorado and he said, how buried is Sammy the Bull Gravano? 0.96

01:35:30.000 Can he get to TMZ? Can he get to a phone?

01:35:33.000 Because all those deals he had going on in the 80s, he was in bed with the mafia. 0.99

01:35:39.000 It doesn't take a fucking genius to tell you that. 0.98

01:35:42.000 Okay, a dumpster, the one that Johnny Reed fell in when he tried to commit suicide, you know those dumpsters you guys see? 0.99

01:35:49.000 A square dumpster?

01:35:51.000 To get one in Colorado in 1987 was $200 for the day.

01:35:56.000 You know what that same dumpster was in New York in 1987?

01:35:59.000 $2,200.

01:36:02.000 That's how high the construction costs were.

01:36:04.000 Some of it were the Mafia tax.

01:36:06.000 Well, there was a lot of organized crime.

01:36:09.000 Tons of organized crime.

01:36:10.000 So somewhere along the line, this Trump was in bed with organized crime.

01:36:14.000 Had to be.

01:36:15.000 The Trump Plaza, Atlantic City.

01:36:17.000 Just look at the locations.

01:36:19.000 I never thought of this.

01:36:20.000 I always thought of this. 1.00

01:36:21.000 I always knew this idiot did not, could not raise his fucking hand. 1.00

01:36:25.000 And if anybody is smart, go to the Sammy the Bull book. 1.00

01:36:30.000 He talks about it not so many ways.

01:36:33.000 Really?

01:36:33.000 So I guarantee the feds have their files.

01:36:36.000 And as soon as this guy moves up a little bit, they're going to go...

01:36:39.000 Take a look at this.

01:36:40.000 This is what Sammy the Bull told us.

01:36:42.000 How can we take care of this? 1.00

01:36:44.000 A donation to the fucking Buffon Ghoul Company of fucking blind kids. 1.00

01:36:49.000 Whatever the fuck it takes. 1.00

01:36:51.000 Because this guy was the major contractor in New York in the 80s. 0.99

01:36:55.000 All these small businesses, he put their lights out.

01:36:59.000 You know how I know?

01:37:00.000 I'll tell you how I know for a fact.

01:37:02.000 When I got locked up, one of the conditions of me getting out was I had to get a job.

01:37:06.000 To alleviate the state of Colorado, my attorney came up with this paperwork.

01:37:10.000 Listen, if you let him out, he'll leave.

01:37:13.000 Not next week.

01:37:15.000 Not tomorrow.

01:37:16.000 We got a plane for him. 1.00

01:37:17.000 As soon as he gets out of your fucking jail, we'll take him out of New Jersey. 0.99

01:37:20.000 We'll get him back to New Jersey. 0.99

01:37:22.000 But to do all this, I had to have a promise of employment.

01:37:26.000 And I called around New Jersey and my friend's uncle had a window, door, trim, sash company. 0.99

01:37:32.000 You know, all this shit for your door. 0.99

01:37:34.000 That's a sash on the bottom, by the way. 1.00

01:37:36.000 And trim around your door and the door and shades.

01:37:39.000 And they sold all that stuff.

01:37:41.000 And they had like an 11-man crew.

01:37:43.000 Like six guys on phones.

01:37:45.000 So he goes, if you want to go, he sent me the resume to the guy, his uncle, and I called him.

01:37:50.000 We spoke on the phone.

01:37:51.000 And in fact, I wrote the guy while I was in prison, back and forth, because he would tell me, keep your head up.

01:37:56.000 You got a job when you get out.

01:37:58.000 Don't be down on yourself.

01:37:59.000 When I got out into the halfway house, I called him. 0.96

01:38:02.000 And I said, hey, man.

01:38:03.000 I got to sit in the halfway house for 90 days, but I'll be in Jersey by June.

01:38:07.000 He goes, I don't think I got high.

01:38:09.000 We were working on this construction company and we got stiffed. 1.00

01:38:12.000 It was that fucking guy, Trump. 1.00

01:38:14.000 Wow. 1.00

01:38:15.000 Stiffed us, so we lost everything.

01:38:17.000 We had an investment in the...

01:38:18.000 You know, these were high-rises.

01:38:20.000 You had to pay for all those windows, and he's gonna pay you.

01:38:23.000 You know, they might have got a deposit or something from the GC, but not enough.

01:38:26.000 They got stiff.

01:38:27.000 So he would just put them under?

01:38:29.000 Yeah, but he would go under, like, he would go to, he was the top builder, and he would go to Joe Rogan Construction, and he would put it all under your name.

01:38:36.000 So you went down, too.

01:38:38.000 Wow.

01:38:39.000 So he did all this. 1.00

01:38:40.000 He ruined fucking family businesses. 1.00

01:38:42.000 And all of a sudden, he has this short memory. 1.00

01:38:44.000 You know, when you run for president, they look at you with a fucking... 1.00

01:38:49.000 Microscope. 0.99

01:38:50.000 And you know why I don't know what happened with the birth certificate and Obama's birth certificate.

01:38:53.000 I never paid attention.

01:38:55.000 I hope he was born in Kenya.

01:38:57.000 This is something you cannot overlook with this guy. 1.00

01:39:00.000 This guy's a prick. 1.00

01:39:00.000 He doesn't know anything about him in the fucking country anyway. 1.00

01:39:03.000 He was one of the guys that was going on and on about Obama's birth certificate. 0.99

01:39:08.000 He was like one of the main guys.

01:39:12.000 First of all, Just look at them as human beings.

01:39:16.000 Like when you hear them talk and you kind of like what they stand for.

01:39:20.000 He's my favorite president ever.

01:39:22.000 Who?

01:39:22.000 Obama.

01:39:23.000 Better than Clinton?

01:39:24.000 Yeah.

01:39:24.000 I think Clinton, you know, Clinton had a lot of flavor and he did some good stuff too.

01:39:30.000 But I think Obama has been the most, maybe it's just the times that we're in, he's the most noticeable when it comes to like Spreading this like what I think is like an improvement in the way people think You know first of all by being black second of all by a support of gay rights Really like blatant support like where they turn the fucking White House rainbow when it got passed I mean that's crazy shit, 0.97

01:39:53.000 man That's never existed before when you see when you saw that picture of the White House being rainbow colored at night I was like this is nuts man. 0.99

01:40:01.000 That wouldn't happen with Nixon This is some shit that's similar to the fucking abolition of slavery. 1.00

01:40:06.000 It's similar. 1.00

01:40:07.000 I mean, it's not as extreme a slavery.

01:40:10.000 It's not as extreme a trap.

01:40:12.000 That's so crazy.

01:40:12.000 That's so amazing.

01:40:14.000 I mean, but it's similar in the way that it's going to change the way people look at gay people.

01:40:21.000 It might not be now.

01:40:22.000 It might not be the generation of our parents.

01:40:25.000 It might not be the generation of our older brothers and sisters.

01:40:28.000 But it's going to be the generation of our kids. 0.82

01:40:31.000 The generation of our kids is gonna understand that gay people, it's just like being mad at people for having red hair. 0.70

01:40:36.000 It's just who they are. 1.00

01:40:37.000 Like, what do you give a fuck? 0.99

01:40:39.000 And if you give a fuck about that, what else are you gonna come creepin' around about? 1.00

01:40:43.000 What are you gonna fuck with people about? 1.00

01:40:45.000 What is it? 1.00

01:40:45.000 Are you gonna fuck with people about the way they dress? 1.00

01:40:47.000 Are you gonna fuck with people about the way they talk? 1.00

01:40:49.000 Like, what is it? 1.00

01:40:50.000 Leave people the fuck alone. 0.98

01:40:52.000 And the more we do that, the more we can sort it all out. 0.99

01:40:55.000 And find out what is really bothering us.

01:40:57.000 What's really bothering people?

01:40:58.000 A lot of what's bothering people is people intruding on other people's lives. 0.99

01:41:02.000 And it doesn't get any more inclusive than in the fucking bedroom. 0.99

01:41:05.000 You're intruding on people's bedrooms? 0.99

01:41:08.000 You care if people want to get married, if they love each other just because they're two guys or two girls? 0.99

01:41:12.000 Who gives a fuck? 1.00

01:41:14.000 And if you do give a fuck, you're a problem. 1.00

01:41:16.000 You're a problem in this free world. 1.00

01:41:19.000 And this is just one thing that you ideologically attached yourself to.

01:41:24.000 And it might be religious-based. 0.99

01:41:26.000 Who knows what the fuck... 1.00

01:41:27.000 Other shit you got going on in your head you don't want people to do. 1.00

01:41:30.000 You know, who knows what other weird kind of Sharia law shit you want to incorporate into society. 1.00

01:41:35.000 Who knows? 0.99

01:41:36.000 I don't know.

01:41:37.000 You think people shouldn't be able to get married just because they're two men or two women?

01:41:41.000 That's intolerable in 2015. That's archaic shit. 1.00

01:41:45.000 And I think that is one of the archaic things that's going to slowly but surely start vanishing from our world. 1.00

01:41:52.000 Maybe not now.

01:41:53.000 There's still a lot of homophobia now.

01:41:55.000 But, you know, there's this woman from Brazil. 0.99

01:41:57.000 Who's did an interview?

01:41:59.000 I think it was Jessica Andrade MMA fighter and she was talking about how many people in Brazil are homophobic in comparison to the United States and she's like it's really nice to see the United States doing this and hopefully more people in Brazil think this way too and you realize like that a lot of like Latin American countries especially like you were talking about Cuba and You were talking to me the other night about Cuba.

01:42:22.000 Oh, Russia! 0.93

01:42:23.000 Cuba!

01:42:24.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:42:24.000 Russia, they passed laws.

01:42:26.000 They passed laws against gay people. 0.78

01:42:27.000 Listen, man, this is something completely new to some people.

01:42:32.000 It doesn't affect me, so it doesn't bother me.

01:42:35.000 You know, like I said in my joke on stage, I live next to two transgenders across the street. 1.00

01:42:40.000 The gay girl with the dog. 0.98

01:42:42.000 I talk to them every day. 1.00

01:42:43.000 I goof on them. 1.00

01:42:44.000 I goof on fucking Big Mike and Leslie. 0.99

01:42:47.000 You know, I love them. 0.99

01:42:48.000 I don't give a fuck, you know, but there's some people who are still living in 1970, man. 0.99

01:42:54.000 And those people are stuck in their own fucking lives, so I just keep walking. 0.99

01:42:58.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:42:58.000 You just keep walking. 1.00

01:42:59.000 What are you going to do?

01:42:59.000 And every day they watch The Longest Yard.

01:43:02.000 Long for the days when you could smash a chick's face against the wall. 1.00

01:43:05.000 I was explaining to you the other day that the most foremost community in Cuba is the gay community. 0.97

01:43:12.000 I grew up with gay Cubans around me. 1.00

01:43:14.000 My mom had the fucking bar. 1.00

01:43:16.000 Who do you think fucking keeps the lights on? 1.00

01:43:18.000 White dudes in the daytime. 1.00

01:43:19.000 Those gay fucks that come in and spend it. 1.00

01:43:21.000 And in those days, they were doing blow. 1.00

01:43:24.000 They were selling blow.

01:43:24.000 And I grew up around them.

01:43:25.000 I never had any H or anything for them.

01:43:28.000 But my stepfather, he's from the other side of Cuba.

01:43:33.000 Okay? 0.94

01:43:33.000 Where they can't be in a room with a gay guy. 0.94

01:43:35.000 No hatred. 0.65

01:43:36.000 No whatever.

01:43:38.000 But they just can't be in a room.

01:43:39.000 They're manhood. 0.99

01:43:41.000 Cannot be in a room with a gay guy. 1.00

01:43:42.000 You know, and I get it. 0.98

01:43:45.000 Some Latin American countries, it's just, but who are the biggest gay guys in the world? 1.00

01:43:49.000 Fucking Latins. 1.00

01:43:50.000 They're the best ones. 1.00

01:43:51.000 So what do you think that is?

01:43:53.000 Do you think it's like the shame?

01:43:53.000 It's a machismo thing.

01:43:55.000 What is it like in Sicily, on that island?

01:43:57.000 What would it be like in 1950 to be gay in Sicily? 0.96

01:44:00.000 They bang each other a lot? 0.96

01:44:01.000 I don't think so. 0.99

01:44:03.000 I don't fucking think so. 0.99

01:44:04.000 Well, that's where the Catholics are. 0.99

01:44:06.000 But I think that you'd be, I think that you would be fucking totally against it. 0.99

01:44:10.000 Right. 1.00

01:44:11.000 I think Northern Italy, those hard-headed motherfuckers, you can't tell those motherfuckers you're a finok, or whatever the fuck they call them. 1.00

01:44:17.000 Right, but that's also where the Vatican is. 1.00

01:44:19.000 Right.

01:44:19.000 Like, how ironic is that?

01:44:21.000 That doesn't make any sense, because that is the biggest gay sex organization in the world. 1.00

01:44:25.000 But they don't want to know that. 1.00

01:44:26.000 If not gay sex, pedophilia. 1.00

01:44:28.000 Right. 1.00

01:44:28.000 Okay, the biggest pedophilia. 1.00

01:44:29.000 Nobody wants to know that. 1.00

01:44:30.000 Do the priests fuck each other or are they only fuck kids? 1.00

01:44:33.000 How does that work? 1.00

01:44:34.000 Who knows? 0.98

01:44:36.000 You gotta bring me down with that talk now and shit, but, you know. 0.96

01:44:40.000 Listen, I'm just curious. 0.95

01:44:41.000 I didn't, you know, I just know how it was when I was growing up.

01:44:47.000 Did you know the Vatican owned a gay bathhouse? 0.91

01:44:49.000 No. 0.98

01:44:49.000 The building the Vatican owned was home to the biggest gay bathhouse in Italy. 0.98

01:44:55.000 That's craziness. 0.99

01:44:56.000 Yeah.

01:44:56.000 We should go.

01:44:59.000 Go and bring some synthetic heroin. 1.00

01:45:01.000 Yeah, I'll pull up the story because it's fucking ridiculous. 1.00

01:45:04.000 Jamie, pull that shit up. 1.00

01:45:05.000 Put it up on the big screen. 1.00

01:45:07.000 It's ridiculous. 0.96

01:45:08.000 I mean, they're so blatant. 0.98

01:45:09.000 They've been doing this for so long. 0.96

01:45:11.000 You know, like this gigantic, crazy cult that's running the Catholic Empire. 0.98

01:45:16.000 They've been in charge for so long, wearing wizard costumes and sitting on thrones.

01:45:21.000 And people, so many people have bought into it that it's... 0.98

01:45:25.000 Look at this, the Vatican pays landlord to Europe's biggest gay bathhouse. 0.92

01:45:28.000 And by the way, I say this, I went to Catholic school. 1.00

01:45:31.000 I'm allowed to say this shit. 1.00

01:45:34.000 Pays landlord to... 1.00

01:45:37.000 They play landlord to Europe's biggest gay bathhouse. 1.00

01:45:41.000 The church paid $30 million to acquire a building that houses a senior cardinal and a huge gay sauna. 1.00

01:45:47.000 Wait a fucking minute. 1.00

01:45:50.000 A senior cardinal and a huge gay sauna. 1.00

01:45:54.000 That's it. 1.00

01:45:54.000 That's his own private gay bathhouse. 1.00

01:45:56.000 The guy owns a bathhouse. 0.99

01:45:57.000 They paid $30 million.

01:45:59.000 First of all, how crazy is it that the Vatican has $30 million to buy houses with?

01:46:03.000 They have so much money.

01:46:05.000 Look at that.

01:46:05.000 The 75-year-old prince of the church enjoys a 12-room apartment on the first floor of the imposing palazzo at 2 Via Carducci, just yards from the ground floor entrance to the steamy flesh pot.

01:46:19.000 He's above it, smelling it!

01:46:22.000 There are 18 other Vatican apartments in the block, many of which house priests.

01:46:27.000 Cardinal Diaz, who is seen as a social conservative even by current standards of the church hierarchy, is no doubt horrified to learn of the activities taking place a floor below.

01:46:38.000 My goodness, I could not imagine.

01:46:41.000 This apartment mildly smells like buttholes.

01:46:45.000 Mildly.

01:46:45.000 It's probably a tornado.

01:46:47.000 You know what it's probably like, man? 0.99

01:46:49.000 One of those fucking trees that you hang over your rear view? 1.00

01:46:52.000 That's like his house butt in his house. 1.00

01:46:54.000 A weekly bear night featuring Bruno, a hairy, overweight pastor of souls who dresses in Catholic vestments naturally, is free to the music of his clergyman, remaining in a thong. 0.85

01:47:06.000 Because I gotta do that.

01:47:07.000 I'm gonna be the new Bruno. 1.00

01:47:09.000 Fuck it. 1.00

01:47:10.000 I'm going to slay some dick with a fucking priest. 1.00

01:47:11.000 Because he wants to expose body and soul, according to The Independent. 1.00

01:47:15.000 Bear Knight also features a buffet because exposing one's body and soul works up an appetite.

01:47:21.000 This is a hilarious article.

01:47:22.000 This is in Salon, this article.

01:47:24.000 Who wrote this article?

01:47:26.000 It's very funny.

01:47:26.000 You know, Joe Rogan, you read this.

01:47:28.000 Katie McDonough.

01:47:29.000 You read this after you go to Catholic school when you're raised Catholic. 1.00

01:47:32.000 It's fucking mind-boggling. 1.00

01:47:35.000 It's fucking mind-boggling. 1.00

01:47:36.000 Like, it's just like firecrackers went off in your head. 1.00

01:47:38.000 For some people, it's like how they found out when Cosby was doping bitches. 1.00

01:47:42.000 It was mind-boggling for me. 0.99

01:47:43.000 They grew up on Cosby. 1.00

01:47:45.000 Look at this fucking Jared guy. 1.00

01:47:47.000 Look at this fucking Jared guy. 1.00

01:47:49.000 Look at the fucking kids' porno pictures. 1.00

01:47:52.000 The FBI. You know, I hope this isn't true. 1.00

01:47:54.000 But they arrested one guy that was, like, in the organization, right?

01:47:58.000 Did they just investigate Jared, or did they have a suspicion?

01:48:01.000 It's like business partners.

01:48:01.000 And now his house is being investigated and they just announced that he's separated his business ties with Subway right now.

01:48:07.000 He's got one of those little...

01:48:08.000 Whoa, wait.

01:48:08.000 I didn't hear about this.

01:48:09.000 What happened to the Subway guy?

01:48:11.000 Child porn investigation.

01:48:12.000 I knew it. 0.99

01:48:14.000 Yeah, man, what the hell?

01:48:15.000 Losing weight on... 1.00

01:48:17.000 These people all got a creepy fucking freak and it comes out eventually, man. 1.00

01:48:22.000 Just let it out before the fucking gets out. 1.00

01:48:25.000 Just let it out. 1.00

01:48:26.000 I love little boys in fucking bikinis. 1.00

01:48:29.000 You know, eating a Subway sandwich. 1.00

01:48:31.000 Oh my God, I sit there. 1.00

01:48:33.000 So do you think that, like, maybe he sent shit to Jared and Jared kept his mouth shut? 1.00

01:48:36.000 Or do you think Jared was sending shit back? 1.00

01:48:38.000 What are we, TMZ? What are we doing here? 0.99

01:48:41.000 What the fuck happened to this show? 0.99

01:48:43.000 How embarrassing is that? 0.99

01:48:43.000 It's not just embarrassing. 0.99

01:48:45.000 It makes me furious.

01:48:46.000 That if you didn't have a life, if you didn't have a life, you want to yell. 1.00

01:48:50.000 You know, when I first started hearing this shit about the Catholic Church, I ignored it. 0.99

01:48:55.000 I was like, this is crazy. 1.00

01:48:56.000 I mean, I was a fucking... 0.99

01:48:57.000 I was one of those kids. 0.99

01:49:00.000 One of those kids that fucking helped a priest, you know, for about six months. 1.00

01:49:05.000 I did that shit until I got thrown out of there, you know. 1.00

01:49:08.000 I believed, you know. 1.00

01:49:10.000 I gotta tell you, man, like when I get, I get dark thoughts sometimes. 0.99

01:49:14.000 I'm about to go to sleep, I just get dark fucking thoughts. 0.98

01:49:17.000 And just, you know, just from being around Buddhists in Boulder, I learned that they chant a lot. 0.99

01:49:22.000 And in other words, a chant is not any different than a prayer. 0.99

01:49:26.000 You know, so sometimes when I got a bad thought, I'll say a fucking Lord's Prayer. 0.99

01:49:30.000 Man, I'm old school, you know what I'm saying? 1.00

01:49:32.000 So when I hear this shit, it just does something to you. 1.00

01:49:36.000 It's just like, but it's for some people, it's like getting punched in the stomach. 1.00

01:49:39.000 You trusted somebody.

01:49:41.000 It's like having a babysitter and molest your kid.

01:49:44.000 You're numb for a week, man. 1.00

01:49:46.000 You're really, you can't, but this is our whole fucking society. 1.00

01:49:49.000 Every three days, we get dropped with something that we go, what the fuck? 1.00

01:49:52.000 How did this happen? 1.00

01:49:53.000 How did this fucking happen? 1.00

01:49:55.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:49:57.000 When things like this happen, you always gotta wonder, like, what sets something like that off in someone's brain?

01:50:03.000 Are they born with that?

01:50:04.000 Does it happen because someone does it to them?

01:50:07.000 Is it a chemical imbalance? 1.00

01:50:09.000 Like, what the fuck is it that makes someone sexually attracted to kids? 1.00

01:50:13.000 What a bizarre thing to exist in nature. 1.00

01:50:17.000 I mean, it's almost like a suicide gene.

01:50:20.000 It's almost like, in having that, your body is so weak, your mind is so weak, everything is so off-kilter, you're trying to get yourself killed. 1.00

01:50:30.000 And there's no better way to get yourself killed than fucking someone's kids. 0.99

01:50:33.000 Like, do you know any people, like, you remember that video where the guy's walking through the airport, and he had molested, he was a karate instructor, and he had molested some kids, and this guy's, one of the kid's dads waited for him in the airport, and as he walked by with the cops, walks up to his head, boom! 1.00

01:50:48.000 Blows his brains out, just drops the gun on the ground.

01:50:51.000 That guy got off, by the way. 0.99

01:50:52.000 Did he?

01:50:53.000 Yeah, he got off.

01:50:53.000 You gotta get off.

01:50:54.000 That's a great defense.

01:50:55.000 You lost your mind. 0.97

01:50:56.000 They abused your child. 0.99

01:50:58.000 Yeah, he got off.

01:50:59.000 Yeah, he didn't do any time. 1.00

01:51:01.000 He shot that guy right in the fucking head in front of cops and then dropped the gun. 1.00

01:51:04.000 What state was that? 1.00

01:51:05.000 I don't remember.

01:51:05.000 I want to say it was in New York.

01:51:07.000 I want to say it was in New York.

01:51:08.000 I forget.

01:51:09.000 It might not have been, though.

01:51:10.000 It might have been somewhere else.

01:51:11.000 There's some things that if you get there before the cops, you win.

01:51:15.000 That's your beer. 0.99

01:51:16.000 If you get there before the cops, you fucking win, man. 0.99

01:51:19.000 This guy shot them in front of the cops. 0.99

01:51:21.000 Yeah, and I lost my mind.

01:51:23.000 Temporarily insane.

01:51:24.000 Temporarily insanity. 0.99

01:51:25.000 And the cops are like fucking handcuffing him going, that a boy. 0.99

01:51:29.000 Yeah, this is it right here. 0.99

01:51:30.000 Father shoots son... 0.96

01:51:32.000 Father shoots and kills son's kidnapper in airport for revenge. 0.69

01:51:37.000 So...

01:51:37.000 Wait, they're gonna show him shoot?

01:51:39.000 Oh, yeah.

01:51:39.000 Oh, no.

01:51:40.000 Yeah.

01:51:40.000 Is it gross?

01:51:41.000 Oh.

01:51:42.000 No.

01:51:43.000 He was just...

01:51:44.000 He just couldn't take it, man.

01:51:46.000 He got this guy away.

01:51:47.000 Look at this.

01:51:48.000 Boom.

01:51:51.000 And then he puts the gun away.

01:51:53.000 And then he had a crazy hat on.

01:51:55.000 The cops hold him down.

01:51:58.000 Oh, that's great.

01:51:59.000 That was his son, man.

01:52:00.000 That's so good.

01:52:01.000 I mean, it is, right? 0.99

01:52:02.000 It's fucked up, but it is. 1.00

01:52:04.000 I mean, I'm not usually for this kind of shit, but boom. 1.00

01:52:08.000 I mean, that is about as... 0.99

01:52:10.000 I mean...

01:52:13.000 As far as, like, what's fair?

01:52:15.000 I'm for it.

01:52:16.000 Yeah, I'm not against that.

01:52:18.000 You know you've been my friend for a long time.

01:52:20.000 I have a horrible, horrible revenge gene.

01:52:23.000 It's in my blood.

01:52:25.000 No, you do. 0.99

01:52:26.000 When they went down to Cuba, and they tell the fucking Maya Lansky that, they tell the Jew that fucking they saw rebels, what does he say? 1.00

01:52:35.000 He goes, these motherfuckers have been savages all their lives. 1.00

01:52:37.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:52:38.000 They've been savages. 0.97

01:52:39.000 They've always been savages. 0.96

01:52:41.000 Dog, I have a revenge gene in me, and it's horrible. 0.66

01:52:44.000 And no cop would stop me. 1.00

01:52:47.000 You're crazy. 1.00

01:52:48.000 I would hit somebody with a car and go to the same jail. 1.00

01:52:51.000 I'm one of those motherfuckers. 1.00

01:52:52.000 Like, once I have it in my mind, you're done. 1.00

01:52:56.000 It's in my blood.

01:52:57.000 That's my whole life in movies.

01:52:59.000 Outlaw Josie Wales, Death Wish, Man on Fire. 0.81

01:53:03.000 Bam! 0.98

01:53:03.000 And Man on Fire, I'll tell you how bad he is, which I missed that scene until a month ago. 0.98

01:53:08.000 He talks that dude into shooting himself. 0.99

01:53:11.000 There's only two motherfuckers in the movies that have done that. 1.00

01:53:15.000 What's his name? 0.99

01:53:16.000 And my boy in Silence of the Lambs. 0.99

01:53:17.000 He talked a motherfucker into hanging himself from the other cell. 0.99

01:53:20.000 That's right. 1.00

01:53:21.000 Remember?

01:53:22.000 Migs! 1.00

01:53:23.000 Migs! 1.00

01:53:23.000 He talked Migs into fucking swallowing his own fucking tongue. 1.00

01:53:26.000 Migs was the guy who used to throw jizz on people's faces. 1.00

01:53:29.000 My friend John Tobin used to call me Migs.

01:53:32.000 He was like his nickname for me.

01:53:34.000 Why? 0.99

01:53:35.000 Because he's being silly. 0.99

01:53:39.000 Mix. 0.98

01:53:40.000 High Plains Drifter was...

01:53:42.000 When he painted the town red.

01:53:45.000 That was the one where they killed him and he came back.

01:53:47.000 And he came back and he put the shield on.

01:53:49.000 Yeah.

01:53:49.000 It's a crazy movie, man.

01:53:50.000 And they kept shooting the body and he kept going down.

01:53:52.000 They thought he was a ghost.

01:53:53.000 Well, he was a ghost. 0.74

01:53:55.000 They beat a guy to death with a whip.

01:53:57.000 And then he came back as Clint Eastwood.

01:53:59.000 He came back a ghost. 0.99

01:54:01.000 And fucked that town up. 0.99

01:54:02.000 It was a great movie. 0.95

01:54:04.000 That was a great movie at the time.

01:54:06.000 I remember seeing... 0.99

01:54:07.000 The first time I saw High Plains Drifter, I was like, holy shit. 1.00

01:54:09.000 You thought your head was going to blow. 1.00

01:54:10.000 Dog, you had to throw...

01:54:11.000 That's what I'm talking about. 1.00

01:54:12.000 When you see the machismo in Burt Reynolds, it's because that motherfucker just watched Bullet. 0.99

01:54:17.000 And he goes, wait a second. 1.00

01:54:18.000 I gotta outdo that motherfucker. 1.00

01:54:21.000 I gotta put on this corduroy suit. 1.00

01:54:25.000 And then Charles Bronson came along and he's gotta outdo everybody because he's ugly. 0.93

01:54:30.000 Look at that. 1.00

01:54:31.000 He was the baddest motherfucker ever. 0.99

01:54:33.000 If I'm gonna watch a movie from that era, and if I come home, say if I go to a hotel room, hey, you're bored, you're like, what's on TV? And you turn it on and you get this, you get excited. 0.99

01:54:44.000 You go, oh, shit. 0.99

01:54:47.000 You know, you thought you were just going to be by yourself, watching some terrible movie, and it turns out High Plains Drifter is on HBO or something. 1.00

01:54:54.000 Like, fuck. 0.99

01:54:55.000 They don't even really show these on HBO, do they? 1.00

01:54:56.000 No, they can't.

01:54:57.000 They can't.

01:54:57.000 Why?

01:54:58.000 Why can't they? 1.00

01:54:59.000 They have to show new shit all the time, right? 0.99

01:55:00.000 No, there's a channel about a month ago, they showed not High Plains Drifter, but the other one. 0.99

01:55:07.000 But you want it with no commercials, man.

01:55:08.000 Yeah, that's the way you want it. 0.99

01:55:09.000 You don't want these fucking things on regular TV. I can't watch these movies, Joe Rogan. 0.99

01:55:13.000 Why? 0.99

01:55:14.000 Because it makes me fucking crazy. 0.99

01:55:18.000 These movies remind you why you're an American, bro. 0.99

01:55:21.000 These movies are like...

01:55:22.000 That's why they made them in Italy.

01:55:23.000 What were we talking about when we came in?

01:55:25.000 That it's time to strap a gun on. 0.99

01:55:27.000 We're living in some fucked up times. 0.99

01:55:30.000 You're anxious about this lately. 0.96

01:55:32.000 I got a wife and a kid that I worry about, and I don't know what I'd do. 0.87

01:55:36.000 I'd shoot the whole...

01:55:37.000 I'd be John Wick. 0.99

01:55:38.000 I told you, I gotta get one of those John Wick guns.

01:55:41.000 I'll tell you, that John Wick, the first 20 minutes, until he hooks up with the chick, once he hooks up with the chick, it bothers me for a while.

01:55:47.000 But then you click it on with 45 minutes left, that is one of the best kick-ass scenes since Bruce Lee and Enter the Dragon.

01:55:55.000 You better check your watches. 0.99

01:55:57.000 That's 30 fucking years. 1.00

01:55:58.000 He cleans out. 1.00

01:55:59.000 He's using bullets as strikes, and he's shooting them up close and blowing their fucking heads off. 1.00

01:56:05.000 It's a badass movie. 1.00

01:56:06.000 And when you see that movie, you know, he trained with Hegan a lot.

01:56:09.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:56:09.000 Hegan fucking fucked him up. 1.00

01:56:11.000 I'm anxious to go see him tomorrow. 1.00

01:56:14.000 To go see Hegan?

01:56:14.000 Yeah, like on the way home I'll call.

01:56:16.000 Yeah.

01:56:17.000 My brother, you gonna teach tomorrow?

01:56:19.000 I'll be there 11 o'clock.

01:56:20.000 That's it.

01:56:20.000 That's all we say to each other.

01:56:21.000 I see you at 11 o'clock.

01:56:22.000 And now he comes with an Indian dude.

01:56:25.000 That heals your body.

01:56:26.000 Guy lays you down all by energy.

01:56:28.000 Guy looks at you and goes, your shoulder bother? 0.99

01:56:30.000 And you're like, God damn, how do you know? 0.99

01:56:32.000 Every week it's like a game of chess with him. 0.99

01:56:34.000 Really?

01:56:34.000 He lays you down.

01:56:35.000 He does his Cherokee shit. 1.00

01:56:37.000 Oh, that kind of Indian. 1.00

01:56:38.000 Yeah, he bends you over.

01:56:40.000 He picks up the arm.

01:56:41.000 He does the Cherokee thing on your spine. 1.00

01:56:43.000 He releases the eagle.

01:56:46.000 Googly moogly! 0.96

01:56:48.000 You gotta see me doing 90 up Laurel Canyon after the eagle is loose.

01:56:52.000 Really?

01:56:53.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:56:53.000 He shows up an Indian.

01:56:55.000 He fucking works on my body. 1.00

01:56:56.000 Do you use feathers right now? 1.00

01:56:56.000 It's turquoise in your ass? 1.00

01:56:58.000 Nothing. 1.00

01:56:59.000 The guy's an old rodeo clown, dog. 0.99

01:57:01.000 He broke every bone in his body. 0.99

01:57:02.000 Oh my God.

01:57:03.000 So this guy adjusted everything. 0.99

01:57:05.000 And he was like, dog, last week some dude went in there with a fucked up hip. 1.00

01:57:09.000 The guy was there this weekend throwing fucking sidekicks. 1.00

01:57:11.000 A rodeo clown. 1.00

01:57:13.000 Jesus Christ, is that like the most thankless job?

01:57:16.000 It might be one of the most thankless jobs ever.

01:57:19.000 There's not one, Lance Armstrong or the Rodeo Clowns.

01:57:22.000 You know what I mean?

01:57:23.000 There's like Ken Block, who's like a famous driver, right?

01:57:26.000 There's like skateboarders, Tony Hawk.

01:57:29.000 You know, there's one guy in each discipline.

01:57:31.000 Tiger Woods, you know what I mean?

01:57:33.000 Everybody knows Tiger Woods is a golfer.

01:57:34.000 Who's the one Rodeo Clown? 0.96

01:57:36.000 Name one.

01:57:37.000 They get no respect.

01:57:38.000 There's probably one person that we just don't know.

01:57:40.000 It's like a Mexican superhero or something like that.

01:57:42.000 They don't really use rodeo clowns.

01:57:44.000 They have, I mean, in bullfighting, I mean, like bull riding, I'm pretty sure is an American tradition.

01:57:51.000 Is it?

01:57:52.000 I think so.

01:57:53.000 I think in Mexico, obviously, they have a lot of bullfighting, and in Spain, Spain, they have a lot of bullfighting.

01:57:58.000 I guess that's where they got it from, right?

01:58:00.000 They imported it from Spain.

01:58:01.000 I'm hoping.

01:58:02.000 Because that's what Mexico is. 0.99

01:58:05.000 It's like the indigenous Americans that came over, when the Spanish came over, they taught them Spanish and started fucking them. 1.00

01:58:13.000 And that's what made Mexican. 0.99

01:58:15.000 That's why you get Mexicans like Oscar de la Hoya. 1.00

01:58:18.000 You know, who's like this beautiful looking, you know, European looking man, like kind of fairly pale skin.

01:58:24.000 And then you get a Mexican like, you know, Juan Manuel Marquez, who's like much more Mexican looking.

01:58:30.000 Inca-ish. 0.98

01:58:31.000 Inca, yeah.

01:58:31.000 Inca-ish.

01:58:32.000 The darker skin and like the, you know, darker hair.

01:58:36.000 It's interesting, man. 0.96

01:58:37.000 The whole North American continent is fucking fascinating. 0.59

01:58:41.000 It's fascinating to think that if you came to this spot 400 years ago, there'd be very few people here. 0.96

01:58:46.000 Very, very, very few.

01:58:47.000 A few nomadic tribes of Native Americans, no cities, no nothing.

01:58:52.000 Oh, you think how interesting is this?

01:58:54.000 There was a Diaz on the boat with Columbus and a Valdez. 0.98

01:58:58.000 Really?

01:58:59.000 Yeah, that's a Diaz on the boat with Columbus.

01:59:01.000 That's where all the Diaz's come from? 1.00

01:59:02.000 I didn't say that.

01:59:04.000 I didn't say that.

01:59:05.000 Is that your dad?

01:59:08.000 And they spell it with a Z. And then one of the biggest lieutenants in Sicilian history is a Diaz with a C. And then we just saw that priest with an S. A Diaz with a C? A Z. And then you have...

01:59:23.000 The fucking lunatics up in Stockton, and they're Mexican. 1.00

01:59:26.000 Right. 1.00

01:59:27.000 And I'm sitting here in front of you, and I'm Cuban as can be.

01:59:30.000 Right.

01:59:30.000 That makes you think.

01:59:31.000 Like, Diaz there, Diaz there, and Diaz as a lieutenant, and Diaz was on the ship as an Italian.

01:59:39.000 Italian Diaz.

01:59:40.000 Italian Diaz and Italian Valdez with a Z. My mother's side of the family is Valdez, and they're darker than that. 0.99

01:59:49.000 And my father's side is Diaz, and they're from Kamaway, and they came from Spain.

01:59:54.000 They speak with that thing.

01:59:56.000 They speak like Jagloars, like those people. 1.00

02:00:01.000 So you have to think, how did Diaz get to Mexico?

02:00:05.000 How did this Diaz get here and how did Diaz with a Z, Diaz with an S? These are all very interesting things that I look at.

02:00:14.000 You look at evolution. 0.99

02:00:14.000 We were talking about how they found that fucking tooth of the whale in Wyoming. 0.99

02:00:19.000 Remember years ago, we had that discussion on the podcast. 0.99

02:00:22.000 You know, this is things that have always baffled me.

02:00:25.000 Like, how come there's Nate Diaz and his brother?

02:00:28.000 They're Mexicans as it could be. 1.00

02:00:29.000 Not Inca Mexicans, though. 0.99

02:00:31.000 Right.

02:00:32.000 They're the other Mexicans. 1.00

02:00:33.000 Right.

02:00:33.000 They came from somewhere else and evolved, whatever.

02:00:36.000 So, it's very interesting.

02:00:38.000 You know what's interesting to me?

02:00:40.000 One of the things that's been getting me lately is this water situation in California.

02:00:45.000 It's pretty bad.

02:00:45.000 It's three years going on four years now, and the drought is pretty ferocious.

02:00:51.000 They're saying that California used 29% less water last month, so people are working to try to solve it, but what was occurring to me when I was thinking about this is we know for a fact that there's areas of the world that used to be lush And then they became desert.

02:01:09.000 We know for a fact about the Nile Valley, like in Egypt, where the pyramids used to be, where the pyramids are, rather.

02:01:15.000 Before that, like 9,000 years ago, they know there was a rainforest there.

02:01:19.000 And slowly over time, shit just changed, and then there's not that much rainfall. 0.94

02:01:24.000 And that could easily happen in California. 0.99

02:01:26.000 But would we stay?

02:01:27.000 Would everybody stay here?

02:01:28.000 Would they just keep pumping water artificially into the spot?

02:01:31.000 Or would people go, you know what?

02:01:33.000 This ain't working.

02:01:34.000 This ain't working.

02:01:34.000 We gotta move on.

02:01:36.000 Like, we've always had to.

02:01:38.000 All throughout human history.

02:01:39.000 Whenever the climate got bad, people had to get the fuck out of there.

02:01:42.000 When the Ice Age was happening here, no one was living in Canada.

02:01:45.000 No one was living in Canada during the Ice Age, because it was two miles thick of ice in a lot of spots.

02:01:51.000 You wouldn't, you weren't, you aren't living on ice, right?

02:01:54.000 You would find a way to get to a place where it's not ice.

02:01:57.000 You know, but all the places that were covered in ice were, it was a massive amount of Canada.

02:02:01.000 So, when all that ice receded, that's where we got the Great Lakes from. 0.97

02:02:04.000 The Great Lakes are fucking puddles that are melted glaciers. 0.97

02:02:08.000 I mean, that's how fucking crazy this place was just 10,000 years ago. 0.97

02:02:12.000 If we had a house and it was there, you can't be stubborn when the ice starts coming.

02:02:17.000 You can't say, we're just going to keep chipping away at that ice every year.

02:02:19.000 At a certain point in time, you've got to realize, okay, if there's two miles... 0.97

02:02:22.000 Of ice and it's as big as fucking Canada or half of Canada or even a few states. 0.97

02:02:28.000 Where those few states are, you can't live. 0.98

02:02:30.000 You gotta get out of there.

02:02:32.000 You gotta get out of there.

02:02:33.000 And if that happens here, we're so arrogant.

02:02:37.000 Our idea that we can control nature is so arrogant.

02:02:39.000 No one considers leaving California.

02:02:41.000 Like, everybody talks about, like, well, California's California.

02:02:44.000 We gotta do something about the California water crisis.

02:02:46.000 What if it never rains again?

02:02:48.000 Because guess what?

02:02:49.000 That could happen.

02:02:49.000 If it doesn't rain but once or twice a year, or ten times a year, or twenty times a year, there have been way crazier things than a shift in our climate to the point where it rains zero.

02:03:02.000 That's totally possible.

02:03:03.000 It's totally possible.

02:03:04.000 If it's possible to rain one day a year, it's possible to rain zero.

02:03:07.000 If it's possible to rain ten, it's possible to rain one.

02:03:10.000 It could be horrific.

02:03:13.000 Disastrous.

02:03:13.000 It's totally possible.

02:03:14.000 And it would be normal.

02:03:16.000 It would be something that's happened all throughout the world.

02:03:18.000 They know that, like, a lot of deserts used to be, like, lush areas.

02:03:22.000 And then somehow or another, like, for whatever reason, Things changed.

02:03:27.000 Things shifted.

02:03:28.000 You know, and you can blame people all you want.

02:03:30.000 I'm sure we have a lot to do with it.

02:03:32.000 I'm sure global warming that there's without a doubt as some element of human civilization is a part of it.

02:03:40.000 There's too many scientists that believe it does.

02:03:42.000 There's got to be some factor. 0.99

02:03:44.000 But even without that factor, It's super possible that shit would change on its own. 0.99

02:03:49.000 It shifts. 0.99

02:03:50.000 We don't control when it rains. 0.99

02:03:52.000 It can fucking shift. 0.99

02:03:53.000 It easily can shift. 0.99

02:03:54.000 And if you're in a spot that sucks, you gotta make a decision. 0.99

02:03:58.000 You gotta figure out what the fuck you're gonna do. 1.00

02:03:59.000 It rains more in Phoenix than it rains here. 0.99

02:04:01.000 It rains in Phoenix a lot, actually.

02:04:03.000 I didn't know that. 0.97

02:04:04.000 In Ohio and in Houston, look at Galveston, it's raining so much that there's shit water everywhere and people are losing their sight because it's overfilled all the sewage and stuff. 0.97

02:04:15.000 What? 0.98

02:04:15.000 They're losing their sight? 0.98

02:04:17.000 Yeah, this girl lost her sight just from being in the water because they tested the water. 1.00

02:04:23.000 It's all shit water. 0.99

02:04:24.000 It's in Galveston and Houston. 0.99

02:04:27.000 They've had such bad flooding in the past month.

02:04:30.000 It's been horrible.

02:04:31.000 Horrible.

02:04:31.000 I saw some of the photos.

02:04:34.000 I remember that back when we worked at The Laugh.

02:04:36.000 When I was there, they were thinking about that Sunday, floods.

02:04:40.000 That was two months ago.

02:04:41.000 No, no, no, the Laugh Stop in Houston, way back in the day.

02:04:44.000 Yeah, Westheimer.

02:04:45.000 Do you remember when they had to close that hotel we used to stay at? 0.99

02:04:47.000 Fuck yeah, they flooded that day. 0.99

02:04:48.000 It was flooded up to the third floor. 0.99

02:04:51.000 That was the time I was there.

02:04:51.000 I'm sorry, the comedy club was on West Gray.

02:04:55.000 I saw a refrigerator going down West.

02:04:58.000 It's time.

02:04:59.000 Fecal Matter Water Advisories.

02:05:03.000 Oh my God.

02:05:04.000 Hold on, let me read that whole thing.

02:05:06.000 Fecal matter water advisories issued for some Galveston County beaches. 0.99

02:05:11.000 Fucking A, man. 1.00

02:05:12.000 Shit in the water. 1.00

02:05:14.000 Did a girl really go blind, though? 1.00

02:05:16.000 Yeah, yeah.

02:05:17.000 Oh.

02:05:19.000 That's insane. 1.00

02:05:21.000 Damn. 1.00

02:05:21.000 The fucking subway already cut ties with Jared. 1.00

02:05:25.000 Nothing came up. 1.00

02:05:26.000 At least the UFC waited three days and shit with Jon Jones. 0.99

02:05:29.000 They went down there. 1.00

02:05:30.000 These motherfuckers... 1.00

02:05:33.000 They think Dana's tough. 1.00

02:05:34.000 Fucking Subway don't play. 1.00

02:05:35.000 They don't even give a fuck whether he's guilty or not. 1.00

02:05:38.000 Even if Jared didn't do anything but knew about it, if he knew the dude had child porn, he's still responsible. 0.99

02:05:45.000 What are you holding up?

02:05:46.000 What does it say?

02:05:46.000 This is the article.

02:05:47.000 A woman loses sight in one eye after a mud run.

02:05:50.000 A young woman went blind in one eye within 24 hours after catching a flesh-eating bacteria during a mud run in Dallas this month because of all the flooding.

02:05:58.000 Oh, God.

02:06:00.000 Flesh-eating bacteria in your eye.

02:06:03.000 It says, a woman said the debris cut her eye, allowing flesh-eating bacteria to destroy her cornea.

02:06:09.000 It just completely melted off my eye.

02:06:12.000 Oh, my God. 1.00

02:06:16.000 That's fucked up. 1.00

02:06:17.000 Do we just shit into the ocean? 1.00

02:06:19.000 How does that work? 1.00

02:06:20.000 Oh, shit. 1.00

02:06:21.000 More than a thousand runners get diarrhea after mud day event. 1.00

02:06:25.000 Of course.

02:06:27.000 Well, you're definitely getting some bacteria if you get a mouthful of mud.

02:06:30.000 That's 100%.

02:06:30.000 You're not supposed to do that, by the way.

02:06:32.000 You're not supposed to drink still water.

02:06:34.000 You know, you're lucky if that's all you get.

02:06:36.000 You know, you can get something way worse than that. 1.00

02:06:38.000 That's gentile shit jumping in a fucking puddle of mud. 1.00

02:06:41.000 Stay home. 1.00

02:06:42.000 Fuck your wife in the ass. 1.00

02:06:43.000 You're gonna jump in fucking mud like a jerk off. 1.00

02:06:46.000 At least the polar bears jump in the ocean. 1.00

02:06:48.000 They jump into fucking cold water. 0.99

02:06:50.000 Ain't nothing bad gonna happen to you. 1.00

02:06:51.000 You wanna jump in mud after you've fucking been running, snowing, whatever the fuck it's been for a month. 1.00

02:06:57.000 God knows it's in that fucking mud. 1.00

02:06:58.000 I used to think those polar bear people were idiots. 1.00

02:07:01.000 Those people that would jump into the water. 1.00

02:07:02.000 Until you went into that freezer.

02:07:03.000 Yeah.

02:07:04.000 And then you said, God, they're onto something, isn't it?

02:07:06.000 Oh, they're onto something.

02:07:06.000 When you jump in the ocean, man, and it's cold, it does something to you.

02:07:10.000 Especially when it hits, like, your bones for a minute. 0.99

02:07:12.000 When you come out of there, you feel like a fucking new man. 1.00

02:07:15.000 I've jumped into the fucking Atlantic. 1.00

02:07:17.000 Is that where we're at? 1.00

02:07:19.000 Which one's colder?

02:07:20.000 Here.

02:07:20.000 Here's colder.

02:07:21.000 Oh, my God. 0.99

02:07:22.000 When I used to jump into a water in Oregon and Seattle, that's fucking. 0.99

02:07:25.000 In penguin weather. 0.99

02:07:26.000 That's freezing. 1.00

02:07:27.000 That's when you feel the bones in your feet and shit. 0.99

02:07:29.000 But it's probably really good for you. 1.00

02:07:31.000 It's good for you.

02:07:32.000 Yep, it is good for you. 1.00

02:07:32.000 Because this cryotherapy shit, this stuff is changing my fucking body. 1.00

02:07:36.000 It's changing the way my body feels. 1.00

02:07:38.000 It's amazing how well it cures any weird shit that's bugging you. 0.76

02:07:43.000 Inflammation, back pains. 0.99

02:07:45.000 Back pains have been fucking with me forever. 0.87

02:07:47.000 They're just dissolving. 0.99

02:07:48.000 You just do it all the time.

02:07:49.000 Your body produces all these anti-inflammation responses to the cold weather.

02:07:55.000 So that's probably what they were doing when they were jumping in the ocean.

02:07:57.000 You get out of it and your body's like, woo! 0.99

02:08:01.000 You just get this fucking charger. 1.00

02:08:04.000 Your dick shrinks and it gets hard real fast and shit. 1.00

02:08:07.000 The shrink that pops out of that motherfucker like yum yum juice is being served and shit. 1.00

02:08:13.000 I'll never forget you saying, any of your ex-girlfriends killed themselves? 1.00

02:08:17.000 No.

02:08:17.000 They should've.

02:08:19.000 Oh, if you suck my dick in the 80s, you should have killed yourself. 1.00

02:08:23.000 There's a girl on Facebook that I saw one night. 1.00

02:08:27.000 The last time I saw this chick was the night Flutie. 1.00

02:08:30.000 Tug Flutie?

02:08:31.000 Threw that touchdown.

02:08:32.000 This is winter of 83, 84 maybe.

02:08:36.000 And I saw at a bar, dog, and they called Laurie the Jack. 0.98

02:08:41.000 Remember that song, The Jack?

02:08:43.000 No.

02:08:43.000 The Jack by ACDC. She's got the jack.

02:08:46.000 She's got the jack. 0.83

02:08:48.000 She has something like a disease. 1.00

02:08:49.000 This chick didn't have the jack. 1.00

02:08:51.000 She just didn't have the wet pussy. 1.00

02:08:53.000 It wasn't wet? 1.00

02:08:54.000 No, they called it Fairview, New Jersey, because it was a dry hump. 1.00

02:08:57.000 These motherfuckers are savages. 1.00

02:09:00.000 They will give you nicknames for everything in Jersey, you know. 1.00

02:09:04.000 And I saw her out, man, and I don't know what the fuck happened. 0.99

02:09:07.000 We started doing blow. 0.98

02:09:08.000 She was a babysitter for this family, Louie Donato.

02:09:11.000 The guy was a freak.

02:09:12.000 We went over to their house, and I saw a deposit bag from the bar, and I robbed it, and we got more blow. 0.89

02:09:17.000 Wow.

02:09:18.000 We ended up in a hotel room doing powder, and she's like, guess what color my underwear?

02:09:22.000 I'll never forget that.

02:09:22.000 She's like, if you guess the color of my underwear, I'll take them off.

02:09:26.000 I'm like, red. 1.00

02:09:27.000 She's like, they're green, but fuck it, take them off. 0.99

02:09:29.000 LAUGHTER And I saw her on Facebook and I'm like, do you remember what happened that night? 1.00

02:09:36.000 She's like, no. 0.99

02:09:37.000 I go, you don't want to fucking know. 0.98

02:09:39.000 You wouldn't be here right now. 1.00

02:09:41.000 You'd be fucking killing yourself. 1.00

02:09:44.000 Disgusting. 1.00

02:09:44.000 All that shit's disgusting. 1.00

02:09:47.000 Disgusting. 1.00

02:09:50.000 You know, with all this transgender talk, I was telling these motherfuckers on stage the night that that chick showed us a pussy in Las Vegas that was a transgender. 1.00

02:09:58.000 Do you remember what you called it? 1.00

02:09:59.000 What did I call it?

02:10:00.000 Said it looked like a bat with his mouth open.

02:10:02.000 Oh my god.

02:10:05.000 It did.

02:10:06.000 I never forgot that explanation. 0.99

02:10:08.000 The skin was tight and it looked like somebody put a boar in it where the dick hole was and cleaned it out. 0.98

02:10:13.000 Do you remember when Doug and I were doing the man show and we had that really beautiful... 0.99

02:10:17.000 We had two of them that were really beautiful that were transgender.

02:10:20.000 Remember? 1.00

02:10:21.000 The one of them that was pre-op, and she showed his dick, or her dick, rather, to the audience. 1.00

02:10:26.000 She showed his dick. 1.00

02:10:27.000 That's what I just said. 1.00

02:10:28.000 But it's hard to say her dick. 1.00

02:10:30.000 You know what I'm saying? 1.00

02:10:31.000 I was treating her correctly by calling her a she, then I got to the dick. 1.00

02:10:35.000 I'm like, she showed his dick. 1.00

02:10:38.000 But, um, she was beautiful. 0.99

02:10:40.000 So beautiful that she was walking up the hill, or driving up the hill, you know, by, uh, it used to be the Hyatt next to the Comedy Store. 0.99

02:10:47.000 She was driving up that hill, and Eddie Bravo and I were coming down the hill, we were walking, and she was coming up, and Eddie looked at her and he goes, God damn! 0.98

02:10:54.000 And I go, oh, that's my friend. 0.97

02:10:56.000 I go, she used to be a dude. 1.00

02:10:58.000 And he goes, you know her?

02:10:59.000 Are you sure? 1.00

02:11:00.000 Are you fucking with me? 1.00

02:11:00.000 You're fucking with me. 1.00

02:11:01.000 I go, no, no. 1.00

02:11:02.000 She's definitely used to be a dude. 1.00

02:11:04.000 And then, you know, she said, hi.

02:11:05.000 And I said, oh, what's up?

02:11:06.000 How you doing?

02:11:06.000 Everything good?

02:11:07.000 Blah, blah, blah.

02:11:07.000 We talked.

02:11:08.000 And then we went down there.

02:11:09.000 Eddie goes, oh, my God.

02:11:10.000 I can't believe that used to be a guy.

02:11:11.000 I can't believe it.

02:11:12.000 He goes, now I'm so confused.

02:11:14.000 Now I don't know.

02:11:15.000 I thought I would be able to tell.

02:11:16.000 I thought I'd totally be able to spot one.

02:11:17.000 I'm like, you can't spot her. 1.00

02:11:20.000 And she has a dick. 1.00

02:11:21.000 She's as girly as it gets. 1.00

02:11:23.000 Oh my god.

02:11:24.000 We should pitch that show.

02:11:26.000 What?

02:11:26.000 Get a transgender set like normal guys up with them on a date and see if they guess it.

02:11:31.000 See what their reaction is the next day? 0.76

02:11:33.000 Guys would get violent.

02:11:34.000 That's how Jenny Jones got canceled from TV, don't you remember?

02:11:37.000 By how?

02:11:38.000 Jenny Jones had an episode where it was like, my secret crush.

02:11:42.000 And the guy had a secret crush on this dude that he worked with. 0.97

02:11:47.000 And the dude that he worked with had no idea what the fuck was going on. 0.97

02:11:50.000 He was on the show. 0.99

02:11:51.000 And we're here to tell you that someone has a secret crush on you.

02:11:55.000 And the guy gets out.

02:11:56.000 It's me.

02:11:57.000 I was like, you know, he got out there and he was like really flamboyant.

02:12:01.000 And the guy got angry, went over to his house and shot him.

02:12:04.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:12:05.000 Fuckin' killed him. 1.00

02:12:06.000 And then they just went, POINK! They pulled the plug on our show. 1.00

02:12:09.000 Nah, but we won't do it like that.

02:12:10.000 That show doesn't exist anymore.

02:12:11.000 We'll give them a chick that's already had the operation. 1.00

02:12:13.000 It doesn't matter, man. 0.99

02:12:15.000 And after they fuckin' suck, then you break it to them like with a guard there. 0.99

02:12:18.000 With a guard there? 1.00

02:12:19.000 When a guy comes out with a gun.

02:12:21.000 No, they did it after the show was over.

02:12:22.000 The guy went to his house and killed them.

02:12:24.000 I know. 0.70

02:12:24.000 He killed them a couple days later. 0.70

02:12:26.000 But that's fine, listen. 0.93

02:12:27.000 But that's fine. 1.00

02:12:27.000 I fucking fucked a dude. 1.00

02:12:29.000 And somebody tells you you ain't leavin' the house for a week. 1.00

02:12:31.000 Dog, this is what you do.

02:12:32.000 You film all.

02:12:33.000 All the episodes in two days.

02:12:36.000 So if they die, they die. 1.00

02:12:38.000 Fuck you, you already made your vig. 1.00

02:12:40.000 You got a fucking hundred episodes in the can. 1.00

02:12:42.000 Fuck him. 1.00

02:12:43.000 He's probably gonna kill people anyway. 1.00

02:12:44.000 That's it. 1.00

02:12:44.000 No, after they fucked you, you sit them down and go, how was your date? 1.00

02:12:47.000 It was great. 1.00

02:12:48.000 I've never been with a woman so magical. 0.99

02:12:50.000 What did we tell you if Diane was really dick the jick? 1.00

02:12:53.000 And he used to sling dick back in the 80s on the Sunset Strip, and the guy just freezed. 0.99

02:12:59.000 I mean, what could you do? 1.00

02:13:00.000 He's going to kill somebody.

02:13:01.000 You're going to get the wrong guy.

02:13:03.000 What would you do?

02:13:03.000 If it happened to you, what would you do?

02:13:05.000 Depends how good the pussy was. 1.00

02:13:06.000 You know what I'm saying? 1.00

02:13:07.000 If the pussy was good, fuck it. 1.00

02:13:09.000 Then he was really a woman all along. 1.00

02:13:11.000 He was meant to give out that monkey.

02:13:13.000 Here's the total rub, okay?

02:13:16.000 This is the 100%.

02:13:17.000 Dudes are willing to accept artificially enhanced breasts, right? 1.00

02:13:23.000 No problem.

02:13:24.000 I mean, some guys don't prefer them, but they're willing to accept artificially enhanced breasts. 1.00

02:13:28.000 So breasts that change your body and they turn your body into something that's more womanly or more, for whatever reason, it activates that part of your lizard brain that sees the big fleshy tits and thinks that this girl will be able to take care of my babies well. 1.00

02:13:44.000 She's very fertile. 0.72

02:13:46.000 These are good genes. 1.00

02:13:46.000 That's the same gene that gives you the big ass, like the big ass and the big tits, like that sparks. 1.00

02:13:52.000 There's like a flame. 1.00

02:13:53.000 It's not just a matter of someone giving you affection.

02:13:55.000 It's a matter of someone giving you affection in a very specific shape that rings in your brain. 0.99

02:14:00.000 Well, they can do that, and do that absolutely perfectly, and they will be able to eventually, if they can already right now, and turn a guy into the exact shape of a woman that's hot as fuck. 1.00

02:14:12.000 At the end of the day, you can search around for some fucking hidden crackerjack toy. 0.99

02:14:18.000 You can lift her up and look around and try to figure out, okay... 0.99

02:14:22.000 I don't, I guess, is this a woman?

02:14:24.000 I guess it looks exactly like a woman. 1.00

02:14:26.000 It feels like a woman. 0.94

02:14:28.000 It talks like a woman. 1.00

02:14:30.000 Goddammit, is it a woman? 1.00

02:14:31.000 And you'll eventually decide that it's a woman. 0.80

02:14:34.000 Because your brain processes that as female. 1.00

02:14:37.000 Your brain processes the words as female, the shape as female, and if someone could figure out how to do it just perfectly, just perfectly, like genetically, they figured out how to go in there and fucking tweak this shit. 1.00

02:14:49.000 They're close to doing crazy shit like that. 0.99

02:14:51.000 You saw that thing that Rhonda Patrick tweeted? 0.99

02:14:54.000 That I retweeted?

02:14:55.000 About the pigs? 0.99

02:14:57.000 Look what they're doing to pigs, man. 0.98

02:14:59.000 They figured out a way to delete a gene in pigs, and they come out like Incredible Hulk pigs. 0.87

02:15:03.000 She put up a photo of it today. 0.98

02:15:06.000 They're doing all kinds of weird shit with genetics, and they're already doing this on people, she says, in China. 0.93

02:15:13.000 She's coming on the podcast soon to talk to me about it. 1.00

02:15:16.000 I can't wait to talk about it, but look at these fucking pigs, man. 1.00

02:15:19.000 This is crazy. 1.00

02:15:20.000 They're Hulk pigs. 1.00

02:15:22.000 Look at the ass on that pig. 1.00

02:15:23.000 It's like a bull. 1.00

02:15:24.000 It's hot. 0.99

02:15:26.000 If you were in a pig butt, you know what I'm saying? 0.98

02:15:29.000 This is a new thing they're doing to the bodies of these animals. 0.97

02:15:34.000 They're going to be able to do that to people too, man.

02:15:36.000 And they're going to be able to turn a man into a woman. 1.00

02:15:38.000 Like, perfectly.

02:15:40.000 They'll be able to literally get in there and dig around.

02:15:43.000 Switch this, turn that off, and turn this on, and you're a woman. 1.00

02:15:48.000 I mean, it's going to happen.

02:15:50.000 It's just a matter of time. 0.99

02:15:52.000 I mean, I don't know if they're ever going to be able to turn a dick into a vagina without surgery, but I can't imagine one day they will. 1.00

02:15:57.000 One day they'll just be able to, you could go back and forth. 0.99

02:16:00.000 There's an app for it. 1.00

02:16:03.000 One day it's the government will have a switch and we'll just decided to today we're gonna be a girl day Today everyone is gonna learn to be more sensitive to women because we're all gonna be women and just hit a switch The entire city is a woman and then that's when the Mongols invade come over the hill and they fuck everyone including all the alpha males They just get fucked like chicks and here's a secret. 1.00

02:16:25.000 They like it. 1.00

02:16:26.000 They like it cuz they're chicks now Joe, do you have a tight pussy today? 1.00

02:16:30.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:16:31.000 Today I do.

02:16:32.000 He's got a replenishment.

02:16:34.000 I got a new shot at the doctor.

02:16:36.000 I went to the dentist. 1.00

02:16:37.000 He cleaned my teeth and made my pussy tighter. 1.00

02:16:40.000 He hooked me up. 1.00

02:16:43.000 You've got to be able to do that at home with your own printer. 0.99

02:16:45.000 You're going to be able to figure out a printed artificial vagina that's just way tighter. 1.00

02:16:49.000 You're going to hit the right keys. 0.55

02:16:51.000 Apple, one click. 0.99

02:16:53.000 You know, and your vagina just going... 1.00

02:16:56.000 You're going to have chips in your body that tell your body what to do. 0.99

02:16:59.000 That's 100%.

02:16:59.000 There's going to be artificial blood.

02:17:01.000 That's 100%.

02:17:02.000 Nanobots, those little...

02:17:04.000 They're devising these tiny little itsy-bitsy blood cell-sized machines.

02:17:11.000 This is what they're going to eventually have someday.

02:17:14.000 That'll fight cancer. 0.66

02:17:15.000 So if you have like a cancerous growth in your body, they'll be able to send these machines through your bloodstream to attack these sick areas of your body. 0.99

02:17:25.000 I mean, we're gonna see some fucking nutty shit in our day, and a man turning into a woman is like the least of the nutty shit. 1.00

02:17:31.000 If we could stay alive, we could all in this room stay alive to 100, we're gonna see some shit. 1.00

02:17:36.000 But he hasn't cut this dick off yet, Caitlin. 1.00

02:17:39.000 Which word? 1.00

02:17:40.000 You say that like someone was questioning it.

02:17:42.000 You were in the middle of a conversation in your own head, and you introduced it to us. 1.00

02:17:47.000 But he hasn't cut his dick off yet. 1.00

02:17:48.000 Nobody brought him up. 1.00

02:17:51.000 Everybody's all excited, but he hasn't cut his dick off yet. 0.99

02:17:53.000 So why is everybody jumping up and down for? 1.00

02:17:55.000 Well, because he is allowed to keep his penis and still be a woman, Joey. 1.00

02:17:59.000 No, no, [... 1.00

02:18:01.000 No?

02:18:02.000 Don't work that way.

02:18:04.000 Either you're in or you're out.

02:18:06.000 Yeah, it don't work that way. 1.00

02:18:07.000 When he cuts his dick off, then come see me. 1.00

02:18:09.000 He's taking pictures. 1.00

02:18:10.000 Everybody's jumping up and down.

02:18:11.000 He still hasn't gone to the farm. 1.00

02:18:13.000 Once you go to the farm and cut that motherfucker off, then you come see Uncle Joey. 1.00

02:18:17.000 That's a true story. 1.00

02:18:17.000 Until then, once you go to the farm, then come back and see him. 1.00

02:18:21.000 He hasn't gone yet.

02:18:21.000 This is a trick by the wife.

02:18:23.000 This is a trick. 1.00

02:18:24.000 This is a fucking trick. 1.00

02:18:25.000 Ratings. 1.00

02:18:26.000 Something's going on.

02:18:27.000 It's not a trick.

02:18:28.000 He got his face fixed.

02:18:29.000 Did you see the facial surgery?

02:18:30.000 So did Mickey Rourke.

02:18:31.000 So did Mickey Rourke. 1.00

02:18:32.000 So did fucking Stallone. 0.99

02:18:35.000 Everybody got their face fixed. 0.99

02:18:36.000 Not like this.

02:18:37.000 He went through feminization surgery where they shortened his jaw and changed his lips and the whole deal.

02:18:45.000 Have you seen the recent photos?

02:18:46.000 Pull up the recent photos from Vanity Fair.

02:18:48.000 Mike across the street.

02:18:49.000 Big Mike. 1.00

02:18:50.000 He put a pussy in there, and he hasn't changed his jaw. 1.00

02:18:53.000 He's out there sucking dick two nights a week. 1.00

02:18:55.000 He put a pussy in there? 1.00

02:18:56.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:18:56.000 So he turned his dick into a pussy? 1.00

02:18:58.000 Has he showed it to you? 1.00

02:18:59.000 No.

02:19:00.000 Big Mike is under construction still.

02:19:01.000 I don't really think.

02:19:02.000 Under construction?

02:19:03.000 Yeah, he puts the wig on.

02:19:04.000 He's got a bald spot.

02:19:06.000 He's got to put a wig over it.

02:19:07.000 But his room rate, Leslie, did everything.

02:19:09.000 She got the cheeks, the face.

02:19:11.000 So she was a man?

02:19:13.000 Yes.

02:19:13.000 Okay.

02:19:14.000 See, this is...

02:19:15.000 Look at these photos.

02:19:15.000 Like, look at these photos, like, close-up ones of the face, like, right there.

02:19:20.000 Like, he had a shitload of things done.

02:19:24.000 Doesn't he seem like a high-maintenance guy?

02:19:27.000 Oh, yeah. 1.00

02:19:27.000 He's crazy as fuck. 1.00

02:19:28.000 Well, here's the thing, man. 1.00

02:19:30.000 You know, when we were watching that interview, when he got interviewed by...

02:19:34.000 What was it?

02:19:34.000 Diane Sawyer?

02:19:35.000 Is that who it was that interviewed him?

02:19:38.000 He was loving all the attention.

02:19:41.000 He was loving it.

02:19:42.000 He was loving the opportunity to talk about himself and talk about having...

02:19:46.000 Hold up that.

02:19:47.000 Pull that image up.

02:19:49.000 Jesus Christmas.

02:19:51.000 I love how he's trying to hide those giant canoe feet.

02:19:53.000 Yeah, that's the problem. 0.98

02:19:54.000 Get the fuck out of here with those size 38 flippers. 0.99

02:19:56.000 He's almost got an upskirt thing going on. 1.00

02:19:58.000 Them fucking Munich feet. 1.00

02:19:59.000 That motherfucker jumped in Munich and shit. 1.00

02:20:01.000 Look at him. 1.00

02:20:02.000 It's just, it's very strange, man.

02:20:05.000 I mean, that is a very feminine-looking man, or woman.

02:20:09.000 Joey, you want to hit that?

02:20:10.000 I mean, in transition, I should say.

02:20:11.000 You know, I mean, in transition, she's very feminine-looking. 0.78

02:20:14.000 Like, what they've done to her face, if she really looked like that...

02:20:18.000 See, this is the thing. 0.98

02:20:19.000 When you're looking at something like this, this has been through more fucking computers, I mean more screens and filters and we all know that. 0.87

02:20:28.000 We all know about the difference between what someone would look like in real life and someone would look like in like a super well done photograph like that. 0.93

02:20:35.000 It's a big difference.

02:20:37.000 But hey man, good for her!

02:20:39.000 If that's what she wants to do now, same thing we were talking about before about gay marriage, good for her! 1.00

02:20:44.000 If this is what she enjoys, I'm glad that she can be on the cover of a magazine and it could be a fun time for everybody, you know?

02:20:54.000 When we were kids, this could have never happened.

02:20:56.000 No.

02:20:58.000 Never?

02:20:58.000 Never.

02:21:00.000 It's weird though, right?

02:21:01.000 And it did happen when we were kids.

02:21:04.000 It happened because I watched the report and when it happened, it happened in another country.

02:21:08.000 Who?

02:21:08.000 We just didn't know about it.

02:21:10.000 It happened like in Germany or somewhere.

02:21:11.000 Really?

02:21:11.000 Somebody like in 1940 and some American did it.

02:21:15.000 We just, there was no internet.

02:21:16.000 Right.

02:21:17.000 So we weren't very hip to it.

02:21:18.000 You know, when I was in Seattle, a young comic, we had Rita.

02:21:20.000 Rita had done the operation.

02:21:22.000 Rita was a Japanese man.

02:21:24.000 That became a Japanese woman. 0.88

02:21:25.000 But she died because, first off, she had a lot of psychological problems that came after the surgery. 1.00

02:21:31.000 I loved Rita O. Rita O let me $4 for my first fucking headshot. 1.00

02:21:35.000 I never forgot that, man. 0.99

02:21:36.000 I paid her back and everything. 0.99

02:21:38.000 Rita died because her head was too fucking big from being a man. 0.99

02:21:42.000 What? 0.99

02:21:43.000 So her balance was off after the surgery.

02:21:46.000 What?

02:21:47.000 Her balance is off.

02:21:48.000 I love those commas.

02:21:49.000 How is that possible?

02:21:51.000 What about Brad Williams? 0.99

02:21:52.000 It's like if Brad becomes a woman, his head's going to be fucking ginormous and his balance is going to be off from time to time. 1.00

02:22:00.000 Something happened after they did the surgery to him, to her. 0.99

02:22:04.000 That her balance got taken off.

02:22:06.000 She died because she suffered a fall at a disco and banged her head.

02:22:10.000 Rita O was an open mic comic that used to run with us in Seattle.

02:22:14.000 And she'd come out, she had the nails. 0.99

02:22:16.000 I mean, nobody's gonna fuck Rita O. Trust me. 0.99

02:22:19.000 Nobody ever thought of fucking Rita O. Her hands were fucking horrid. 1.00

02:22:23.000 It looked like Herman Munster hands, she had the nails, and she would get nachos. 0.99

02:22:27.000 And then she'd go to get a drink, and we'd take her nachos, and she'd yell.

02:22:31.000 She had a very feminine voice, like, yes, darling. 0.83

02:22:34.000 But she'd look at us getting nachos, and she'd go, put them down! 1.00

02:22:37.000 It was fucking scary. 0.98

02:22:40.000 And to make money, the government or the doctors gave her a certain amount of pills a month, and she became a pill addict. 0.99

02:22:49.000 Because the pain from the surgery plus all the psychological and everything like she, you know, she was raised in like the four, you know, when I met Rita in 95, Rita was 50 already, you know what I'm saying?

02:23:01.000 So I was 20-something, maybe 30. So she was telling me that when she was growing up, her mother and father would beat her when she would tell them that she was really a woman.

02:23:11.000 Wow.

02:23:12.000 It was just too much abuse in her life. 0.95

02:23:15.000 And then once she finally became a woman, there was so much baggage. 0.77

02:23:21.000 I remember doing blow with her and talking to her at the comedy club.

02:23:25.000 And they were telling me, as creepy as it was, You know, she would have to go see a shrink three times a week still.

02:23:33.000 What was the big...

02:23:34.000 Did she talk about what the big issue was?

02:23:37.000 The transition?

02:23:38.000 Was it a transition?

02:23:39.000 Transition, you know, but she ate a lot of pills.

02:23:41.000 She did a lot of powder.

02:23:43.000 She had tons of money.

02:23:45.000 I don't know where she got the money from.

02:23:47.000 I know she sold drugs. 1.00

02:23:49.000 She even came down here to see me once when I was in L.A. at the Comedy Store, like in 99. And she died shortly after that.

02:23:56.000 She fell off the stage and went into a comb and died. 1.00

02:24:00.000 And we're joking around.

02:24:01.000 And it was true. 0.94

02:24:01.000 Her head was too big. 0.94

02:24:02.000 There's a lot of trouble.

02:24:03.000 Do you think it had to do with her pills?

02:24:04.000 The fact she's taking pills?

02:24:06.000 Isn't that more likely?

02:24:07.000 I've been in contact in my life with maybe two or three transgenders, man.

02:24:15.000 You know?

02:24:16.000 Like on the streets when I was a kid in New York City or something.

02:24:21.000 And something was always missing.

02:24:23.000 You know what I'm saying?

02:24:24.000 Even after they did the surgery, something is always not right, Joe Rogan.

02:24:28.000 They just did something major, major.

02:24:30.000 It's a major step. 1.00

02:24:32.000 We're just throwing it around with these fucking idiots and they're gonna start throwing it around like a tattoo. 1.00

02:24:37.000 That's the part of it that I don't like. 1.00

02:24:39.000 That now every time somebody feels feminine, they're gonna want to have this fucking surgery. 1.00

02:24:45.000 You know what I'm saying? 0.99

02:24:45.000 Like, one day you feel confused or whatever. 0.99

02:24:48.000 You know, this is the part of it I don't like.

02:24:51.000 I get all this gender stuff, and I get it, man, that you're a woman, that you were born feeling this.

02:24:56.000 But in today's society, we got too many sheep. 0.93

02:24:59.000 We got too many weak souls out there, dog.

02:25:02.000 You know, they still argue about it.

02:25:04.000 You know, it's not good.

02:25:05.000 And those are the people I worry about.

02:25:08.000 Those people that, you know, you ever go somewhere and you hear people talking, you know who's there.

02:25:13.000 Just to try to be there.

02:25:15.000 I'll never forget this.

02:25:16.000 I went to a restaurant once in Santa Monica and there was a guy behind me while I was eating.

02:25:21.000 I said, nobody's this gay. 0.86

02:25:25.000 Nobody could be this gay. 0.99

02:25:26.000 This guy was not born like this. 0.88

02:25:28.000 This for this guy is something that he does to be accepted.

02:25:32.000 He doesn't even know what he's doing. 0.92

02:25:33.000 In six years he won't be gay no more. 1.00

02:25:35.000 In six years he'll have a wife and a kid living in Idaho and he'll be a farmer.

02:25:38.000 But he's just doing this to fit in.

02:25:40.000 Really?

02:25:41.000 I have a lot of that.

02:25:42.000 I feel a lot of that with people today in our society.

02:25:46.000 A lot.

02:25:47.000 I feel people are not completely in.

02:25:49.000 There's some people.

02:25:50.000 There's not people in.

02:25:51.000 They're not in. 0.99

02:25:52.000 And that's why I tell people, before you go in there, fucking think it over. 1.00

02:25:57.000 Whether it's hanging out with devil worshippers, or hanging out with drug dealers. 1.00

02:26:01.000 Whatever the fuck you want to do, because once you're in, you're in. 1.00

02:26:04.000 You're going to end up kidnapping somebody with a machine gun. 1.00

02:26:06.000 Don't tell me what the fuck I know. 0.99

02:26:08.000 I know when somebody's faking the funk. 0.99

02:26:10.000 There's people that...

02:26:12.000 When I was a kid, Jimmy Balzano, who was my brother, I knew he was gay. 0.98

02:26:16.000 I knew he was slinging dick, but it took no fucking genius to tell you that my brother, I grew up in his house with his other three brothers. 0.99

02:26:23.000 You couldn't tell he was gay. 1.00

02:26:25.000 If he came to me today and said, I'm a transgender, I would hug him and go, dog, since the eighth grade, I can tell you were a dick sucker. 1.00

02:26:31.000 I had no doubts in my heart that you weren't going to suck dick, even though you were fucking girls in the neighborhood because you were so good looking. 1.00

02:26:39.000 You know what I'm saying? 1.00

02:26:40.000 You grew up with people that you look at and go...

02:26:43.000 Sometimes you go to the store and you see people that you go...

02:26:46.000 It's like when you see Eddie Murphy in person. 0.99

02:26:50.000 You're like, this guy could be a fucking go-go dancer on the weekends. 0.99

02:26:54.000 When you see Eddie Murphy... 0.99

02:26:56.000 I always said Eddie Murphy should win an Academy Award.

02:26:58.000 Because when he's in the movie, he's a man of many men.

02:27:01.000 When you see Eddie Murphy in person, you're like...

02:27:05.000 The rumors could be true.

02:27:07.000 There's something about him.

02:27:08.000 And I ain't mad at Eddie.

02:27:09.000 I'm one of his biggest fans. 0.99

02:27:11.000 I'm just telling the truth that as a man, you're around other fucking men. 0.99

02:27:14.000 And you know who ain't right. 1.00

02:27:16.000 You know who you might be able to talk into sucking a dick at three in the morning. 1.00

02:27:19.000 We all have that person. 1.00

02:27:21.000 Now, we go home.

02:27:21.000 We love that person.

02:27:22.000 We accept that person.

02:27:24.000 But you know one night if you have a pill and a quaalude, you might be able to talk to this guy.

02:27:29.000 There's a creepy guy in Boogie Nights.

02:27:31.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:27:31.000 You knew there's people like that, that they walk around, you know they'll suck a dick if they had to, if they got into a tight spot one night. 1.00

02:27:38.000 Okay? 1.00

02:27:39.000 And that night in Hollywood, I really, and I felt bad about what I was thinking.

02:27:43.000 I felt this guy was just doing it so he could bowl with these guys on Tuesday nights.

02:27:47.000 You know, 20 years ago, what am I, the only retard in the room, Ann Heche? 0.97

02:27:51.000 Went lesbian, did she not? 1.00

02:27:53.000 Did she not? 1.00

02:27:54.000 She was dating fucking Ellen. 1.00

02:27:55.000 You're an Ellen fan. 1.00

02:27:56.000 Well, she wanted to become famous.

02:27:58.000 Right.

02:27:58.000 So she became a lesbian and she did Dr. Brasco.

02:28:01.000 And now, what has she got?

02:28:02.000 She's got kids. 1.00

02:28:04.000 Husband. 1.00

02:28:05.000 Kids dick. 1.00

02:28:05.000 I think people, a lot of people move to Hollywood or in society, and just to fit in, they'll do shit. 1.00

02:28:11.000 They'll do shit. 1.00

02:28:11.000 Then they realize, well, this is where I fucking got. 1.00

02:28:14.000 They do it, man. 1.00

02:28:15.000 We live in a sheep fucking society today. 1.00

02:28:18.000 We're all trying to be the same person. 1.00

02:28:21.000 If you look around, we're all looking the same.

02:28:24.000 When you go to Silver Lake and do Malo, and you get on stage, look at the people in it.

02:28:29.000 80% of people look the same. 0.99

02:28:30.000 They all got the same fucking glasses, the same tight jeans, the same tattoo of the Chinese sign. 0.99

02:28:37.000 Everybody wants to be the fucking same here. 1.00

02:28:40.000 Everybody's thinking the same. 0.99

02:28:43.000 You know, you wake up in the morning, walk into a studio for an audition.

02:28:46.000 What does everybody have in front of them?

02:28:48.000 A cup of what?

02:28:50.000 Starbucks.

02:28:51.000 Starbucks. 1.00

02:28:51.000 And if you ain't got Starbucks, you ain't invited to the fucking party. 1.00

02:28:54.000 Really? 1.00

02:28:54.000 You see Starbucks raise their prices 20% again? 1.00

02:28:57.000 Did they really?

02:28:57.000 How much more are you going to pay for coffee?

02:28:58.000 They got you hooked.

02:28:59.000 They got you hooked.

02:29:00.000 They want that money. 0.77

02:29:01.000 And it's not coffee.

02:29:02.000 Everybody got coffee.

02:29:03.000 It's the status of going to Starbucks.

02:29:05.000 Oh my God.

02:29:06.000 Is it really?

02:29:07.000 Yes.

02:29:08.000 It's status, oh my god.

02:29:10.000 How many times did you see a picture?

02:29:10.000 Who's impressed that you go to Starbucks over the coffee?

02:29:13.000 I go to Coffee Bean, they have better croissants.

02:29:14.000 It doesn't matter.

02:29:15.000 You know what I'm saying.

02:29:16.000 They have muffins, too. 0.99

02:29:17.000 In today's society, when we were growing up in Boston or Denver, you lived at your grandfather's in Newark, people would have a little fucking blue cup. 0.99

02:29:25.000 That said coffee. 0.95

02:29:26.000 And you went to a diner and you said, give me, what was it called?

02:29:29.000 Do you remember they used to have the Greek stuff?

02:29:31.000 Right.

02:29:31.000 Like little Greek guys on the cups?

02:29:33.000 What's it called?

02:29:34.000 The coffee?

02:29:35.000 Medium?

02:29:35.000 How do you order coffee?

02:29:36.000 Regular.

02:29:37.000 Yeah, regular.

02:29:38.000 What's regular?

02:29:38.000 Regular cream and sugar.

02:29:39.000 Milk and two coffees, right?

02:29:40.000 Yeah, and two sugars.

02:29:41.000 Now look what we have.

02:29:42.000 But we didn't carry the coffee cups like a Budweiser.

02:29:44.000 It's like when you go out at night, you take a picture with somebody.

02:29:47.000 What do they always got in their hand? 1.00

02:29:48.000 Put the fucking beer down! 1.00

02:29:49.000 But nobody can put the beer down. 1.00

02:29:51.000 God forbid they don't party out.

02:29:53.000 God forbid they don't party.

02:29:55.000 Party out?

02:29:56.000 What does that mean? 0.99

02:29:57.000 Let's put the butt so they can tell I'm drinking. 1.00

02:29:59.000 What the fuck? 1.00

02:29:59.000 Put the beer down, you fuck. 1.00

02:30:01.000 Same thing with coffee in our society. 1.00

02:30:03.000 Everybody wants to fucking be cool and drink that fucking coffee. 1.00

02:30:07.000 Have you ever had someone look at your cup and go, what is that? 1.00

02:30:10.000 Fucking coffee bean? 1.00

02:30:11.000 What, you can't afford Starbucks, bro? 1.00

02:30:13.000 Yo, step up to the Starbucks.

02:30:16.000 Dunkin' Donuts, bro? 0.99

02:30:17.000 Why would you wait on that line when 7-Eleven got the same fucking coffee? 0.99

02:30:20.000 No, it doesn't. 1.00

02:30:21.000 No, it doesn't.

02:30:22.000 Listen, that Brazilian bold will keep you up for three days. 1.00

02:30:24.000 That's what ISIS drinks. 1.00

02:30:25.000 Don't tell me my fucking business. 1.00

02:30:27.000 We think ISIS drinks fucking take coffee? 1.00

02:30:29.000 Fuck you. 1.00

02:30:30.000 They drink fucking Brazil. 1.00

02:30:32.000 You ever drink Brazilian bold from fucking Dunkin' Donuts? 1.00

02:30:36.000 Fuck you! 1.00

02:30:38.000 Fuck you! 1.00

02:30:38.000 But that's Dunkin' Donuts! 1.00

02:30:39.000 Fuck everybody! 1.00

02:30:41.000 Fuck all you dumb motherfuckers! 1.00

02:30:43.000 That pay eight dollars! 1.00

02:30:45.000 Look at me! 1.00

02:30:47.000 Antibiotics and anti-fuckers! 1.00

02:30:48.000 Go to Dunkin' Donuts! 1.00

02:30:50.000 And get that Brazilian buck and bold! 0.99

02:30:52.000 And come back and see me! 1.00

02:30:53.000 That's liquid fucking meth! 0.99

02:30:55.000 We got the fuck out of here! 1.00

02:30:57.000 Dunkin' Donuts I agree with. 1.00

02:30:58.000 Shit! 1.00

02:30:59.000 But not 7-Eleven. 1.00

02:31:00.000 I don't even like Dunkin' Donuts because the coffee's too hot.

02:31:03.000 But that's not 7-Eleven.

02:31:03.000 No, no, no.

02:31:04.000 7-Eleven, the old Brazilian bowl. 1.00

02:31:06.000 Now they got it all fucked up. 0.99

02:31:07.000 I don't go for Dunkin' Donuts no more. 0.99

02:31:08.000 Dunkin' Donuts you go for.

02:31:09.000 You don't go for 7-Eleven.

02:31:10.000 No, Dunkin' Donuts and Encino. 1.00

02:31:12.000 By the time I drive, they'll crash the fucking car. 1.00

02:31:14.000 So I either make the crook at the fucking house... 1.00

02:31:17.000 I make the crook at the house. 1.00

02:31:18.000 Why do you think I leave the...

02:31:20.000 I tell you about the Keurig K-Cups, right?

02:31:21.000 Why do you think I leave...

02:31:22.000 Jamie, young Jamie, get the man a Keurig K-Cup, please.

02:31:24.000 Why do you think...

02:31:25.000 We have them still, right?

02:31:26.000 Okay, yeah, I got more in the car.

02:31:28.000 Why do you think I leave the comedy store so fast every night?

02:31:31.000 Why do you leave the comedy store every night?

02:31:32.000 Because I got to catch my Starbucks by midnight or I turn into a pumpkin.

02:31:35.000 Are you drinking at midnight?

02:31:36.000 Oh my God, I drink a flat white, a small one at midnight.

02:31:39.000 So you go right down the street to the one that's near...

02:31:41.000 That one closes at eight.

02:31:42.000 Magnolia?

02:31:43.000 No, Magnolia and Riverside.

02:31:46.000 It's open till 12 o'clock?

02:31:48.000 Midnight, and the driving is open till midnight.

02:31:50.000 I got up this morning at 4.15.

02:31:51.000 I got nothing to do.

02:31:53.000 I shoot right till the driving's open at 4.30. 0.99

02:31:55.000 You know, one of the things that I would do when I was writing is I'd make a fucking pot of coffee at night. 0.99

02:32:00.000 Like, it could be like midnight. 0.99

02:32:01.000 I start writing, and I'll make a pot of coffee.

02:32:03.000 That's when I know I'm there to work. 0.99

02:32:05.000 I'm going to, you know, big fucking French press. 0.99

02:32:08.000 You said you got the white chocolate mocha? 0.99

02:32:10.000 No, no, no.

02:32:11.000 I get the flat white.

02:32:12.000 I don't drink no white chocolate mocha.

02:32:14.000 You gotta get out of here, right?

02:32:15.000 No, no, no.

02:32:15.000 I'm cool.

02:32:15.000 We got 15, 20 minutes.

02:32:17.000 I love the flat white from...

02:32:18.000 It's like a fake cafe con leche.

02:32:21.000 I'll drink a small, you know what I'm saying? 1.00

02:32:23.000 But if I'm home, I'll corrupt that motherfucker. 1.00

02:32:25.000 I'll do a double Bustelo. 1.00

02:32:27.000 You can sleep right after that, though, right?

02:32:29.000 I did cocaine for 30. A cup of coffee don't do nothing to Uncle Joey.

02:32:33.000 That's a double Bustelo. 0.99

02:32:34.000 You know what? 1.00

02:32:35.000 I think I have ADD or some shit. 0.99

02:32:37.000 Because sometimes I'll have a cup of coffee and I'll get sleepy. 0.99

02:32:39.000 Yeah, I do.

02:32:39.000 Me too.

02:32:40.000 This does nothing to me.

02:32:41.000 What goes up must come down.

02:32:42.000 What goes up must come down. 1.00

02:32:43.000 It's the dumbest... 0.99

02:32:44.000 What goes up must come down. 1.00

02:32:46.000 Must come down.

02:32:49.000 Spinning wheel.

02:32:50.000 Spinning wheel.

02:32:51.000 Spinning wheel.

02:33:07.000 That's Chicago, isn't it?

02:33:08.000 I don't remember. 1.00

02:33:09.000 Who the fuck? 0.99

02:33:10.000 No, I don't think it's... 1.00

02:33:10.000 Is it Chicago? 1.00

02:33:12.000 Maybe. 0.99

02:33:13.000 Goddamn, I don't know. 0.99

02:33:14.000 Is it? 0.99

02:33:14.000 Three Dog Nights, Chicago. 0.99

02:33:16.000 It's got to be one of those fuckers. 1.00

02:33:19.000 Spinning Wheel. 1.00

02:33:20.000 Spinning Wheel song.

02:33:24.000 Did you guys listen to the new Apple Music radio station?

02:33:28.000 No.

02:33:28.000 It's interesting.

02:33:29.000 Because it's spinning wheel. 1.00

02:33:30.000 The fucking dude on KTLA said to stay away from it. 1.00

02:33:33.000 Blood, sweat, and tears, Joey. 1.00

02:33:35.000 Blood, sweat, and tears, yep.

02:33:36.000 Blood, sweat, and tears, that's crazy.

02:33:41.000 What goes up must come down.

02:33:47.000 Spinning wheel.

02:33:49.000 1970?

02:33:51.000 Let me see.

02:33:52.000 What year, Jamie?

02:33:56.000 Wow.

02:34:04.000 No, no, listen to the horns on this, brother.

02:34:07.000 Listen to the horns.

02:34:07.000 Put this back again.

02:34:09.000 Listen to these horns, because we grew up on guitars, ladies and gentlemen, for you fucking morons, with the DJ and the dude, the little Chinese dude. 1.00

02:34:17.000 Listen to the horns on this. 1.00

02:34:23.000 That's the whole song.

02:34:24.000 That's good.

02:34:25.000 Keep it up.

02:34:29.000 Wow.

02:34:31.000 Right here, hold on.

02:34:35.000 Let it shine within your mind.

02:34:39.000 Are you kidding me?

02:34:46.000 God, I haven't heard this song ever.

02:34:48.000 Jesus!

02:34:48.000 Goosebumps!

02:34:49.000 This is where your parents are.

02:34:59.000 Let's go over. 0.99

02:35:02.000 Are you fucking kidding me? 1.00

02:35:05.000 You want to really put a fucking jam on, dawg? 1.00

02:35:08.000 What? 1.00

02:35:08.000 You got to put the video on so I can show you motherfuckers. 1.00

02:35:11.000 In the book by Aerosmith, he describes when he met... 0.99

02:35:15.000 His daughter for the first time at a concert.

02:35:17.000 He was on stage.

02:35:18.000 His daughter?

02:35:19.000 Yeah, the chick that's in Armageddon. 1.00

02:35:22.000 He met her for the first time?

02:35:23.000 You didn't know that, though?

02:35:24.000 No.

02:35:24.000 She didn't know who her father was.

02:35:25.000 It was between Todd...

02:35:27.000 Rundgren?

02:35:29.000 Todd Glass.

02:35:30.000 No, Todd Rundgren.

02:35:31.000 It was between Todd Rundgren and...

02:35:34.000 Steven Tyler.

02:35:35.000 And then her mother took her to see Aerosmith and she goes, that's my dad.

02:35:38.000 Put up Todd Rundgren.

02:35:42.000 Hello, it's me.

02:35:43.000 Listen to this jam, Joel.

02:35:44.000 No.

02:35:46.000 When was the last time you heard this?

02:35:47.000 I haven't heard this in forever.

02:35:48.000 Listen to this.

02:35:49.000 I don't even know how it goes.

02:35:50.000 Oh my god.

02:35:51.000 This is when singing, this is when you had to have a voice, dog.

02:35:53.000 Is this going to not kick you off of YouTube and all that?

02:35:56.000 Is it going to kick you off of YouTube?

02:35:56.000 No.

02:35:57.000 They don't like it.

02:35:58.000 Yeah?

02:35:58.000 Yeah, they don't like it.

02:35:59.000 Listen to this.

02:36:00.000 We might have to edit this.

02:36:02.000 Don't put the video.

02:36:03.000 It's a lot of work for this guy.

02:36:04.000 It's not that simple.

02:36:06.000 But you got to see the video and see what he looks like.

02:36:08.000 This is him?

02:36:13.000 This is suicide music.

02:36:14.000 Yeah.

02:36:15.000 Cut it out.

02:36:16.000 Stop it now.

02:36:17.000 This is a bad jam.

02:36:18.000 This is Ty Rock.

02:36:19.000 This is tremendous.

02:36:20.000 Yeah.

02:36:21.000 This is one of those songs you listen to over your grandmother's house.

02:36:23.000 Gotta get outside.

02:36:26.000 For a walk.

02:36:27.000 This is a bad jam.

02:36:28.000 I gotta get out of the house. 0.99

02:36:29.000 This guy's a fucking tremendous guy. 0.99

02:36:30.000 Everyone's like, it's snowing out. 1.00

02:36:31.000 I don't care.

02:36:32.000 I gotta walk.

02:36:33.000 Look at him.

02:36:34.000 He's dressed like an eagle.

02:36:35.000 Thinks he's a bird. 1.00

02:36:36.000 You had to see this fucking guy. 1.00

02:36:37.000 Where's that guy now? 1.00

02:36:39.000 I always wonder what happens to these guys.

02:36:41.000 Guys that are like rock stars and then they just stop.

02:36:43.000 They just stop.

02:36:45.000 Like, what a strange...

02:36:46.000 No, I guarantee this guy had so much talent.

02:36:47.000 This guy wrote for people. 1.00

02:36:49.000 He gets a fucking... 1.00

02:36:50.000 He gets residuals from all this dough on the radio. 0.99

02:36:53.000 You know, with all this classic rock and all these serious and the same money we get from... 0.99

02:36:58.000 What's that check who sends us a check once a quarter for our shit on the radio? 0.99

02:37:02.000 They get. 0.99

02:37:03.000 And in Boulder, I used to be friends with a guy that was a radio police.

02:37:07.000 He was the radio police.

02:37:09.000 And what he did was he made sure that you got paid for your stuff.

02:37:13.000 The radio police.

02:37:15.000 He worked for the radio police in Denver.

02:37:17.000 Did he have a badge?

02:37:18.000 No, he didn't have a badge.

02:37:19.000 He was a white dude.

02:37:20.000 Nice guy.

02:37:20.000 I met him at the car wash.

02:37:22.000 What's in here?

02:37:22.000 Keurig K-cups.

02:37:24.000 Hash oil.

02:37:25.000 Marijuana.

02:37:26.000 And a K-cup for him. 1.00

02:37:27.000 I gotta put some sugar in this motherfucker. 1.00

02:37:29.000 No, you don't. 1.00

02:37:30.000 Sweet enough.

02:37:31.000 The universe, the experience is very sweet.

02:37:34.000 No, uh...

02:37:35.000 What are we talking about?

02:37:37.000 Stevia's empty.

02:37:38.000 Stevia's empty.

02:37:38.000 Have you tried the liquid stevia?

02:37:40.000 We got more of it?

02:37:41.000 I got sugar.

02:37:41.000 Oh, we got sugar for you.

02:37:43.000 Yeah, I'll take some sugar and that's a motherfucker, you know what I'm saying? 1.00

02:37:45.000 Liquid stevia? 1.00

02:37:46.000 Yeah.

02:37:46.000 That's dangerous.

02:37:47.000 With like an eyedropper?

02:37:48.000 Yeah, it's like an...

02:37:49.000 Just do like a one or two drops.

02:37:51.000 It's so strong.

02:37:51.000 Stevia could really fuck up a drink if you're not paying attention.

02:37:54.000 Hello, it's me. 0.96

02:37:55.000 Yeah.

02:37:56.000 Well, you know. 1.00

02:37:57.000 The fuck? 1.00

02:37:58.000 What's he gonna do? 1.00

02:37:59.000 There you go.

02:37:59.000 What's this?

02:38:00.000 Sugar, bitch. 1.00

02:38:01.000 I'm Cuban. 1.00

02:38:02.000 I got a sweet tooth.

02:38:03.000 You're going to give me two packets.

02:38:04.000 I got diabetes.

02:38:05.000 How many packets do you use? 1.00

02:38:06.000 Fucking 18. Raw sugar. 1.00

02:38:08.000 How many?

02:38:08.000 It's a half a cup of coffee.

02:38:10.000 How many sugars would you put in there normally? 0.99

02:38:12.000 I don't fucking know. 0.99

02:38:13.000 Raw sugar's kind of... 0.99

02:38:14.000 What would you do if I wasn't here? 1.00

02:38:15.000 I put that Stevia shit in there. 0.99

02:38:16.000 No, it's broken. 1.00

02:38:17.000 No, the other shit. 0.99

02:38:17.000 That's what I use. 0.99

02:38:18.000 I use the sweetness that your boy sent me.

02:38:22.000 Stevia? 0.99

02:38:23.000 Yeah, whatever the fuck he sent me. 0.99

02:38:24.000 I don't use sugar at all. 0.99

02:38:26.000 But yet you're using four. 0.99

02:38:28.000 Who gives a fuck? 1.00

02:38:30.000 I'm with you guys. 1.00

02:38:31.000 I'm partying with you motherfuckers. 1.00

02:38:32.000 You know what I'm saying? 1.00

02:38:33.000 We are partying.

02:38:34.000 Once you drink that.

02:38:35.000 Once you drink that.

02:38:36.000 Bro, I got a half a brownie in me.

02:38:38.000 Listen, I did my first morning joint at 9 a.m.

02:38:41.000 this morning. 1.00

02:38:41.000 Where the fuck you been? 1.00

02:38:42.000 Oh, I wanted to talk to you about that. 1.00

02:38:43.000 Talk to me about that.

02:38:43.000 Your Periscope show.

02:38:45.000 Periscope.

02:38:46.000 Periscope show.

02:38:47.000 Where's the stirrers for Joey?

02:38:48.000 I got it.

02:38:49.000 I'm good.

02:38:49.000 This tastes like dick.

02:38:50.000 You know that? 1.00

02:38:51.000 This tastes like fucking dick. 1.00

02:38:53.000 I don't know what the fuck you're talking about. 1.00

02:38:55.000 It's not supposed to be good. 0.99

02:38:57.000 It's supposed to be good in effects. 0.99

02:38:59.000 When I drink a star, it's fucking good. 0.99

02:39:01.000 It's jello. 0.99

02:39:01.000 Drink that. 0.99

02:39:02.000 This is dick. 1.00

02:39:03.000 No, no, no. 0.99

02:39:03.000 It's not. 0.99

02:39:05.000 This tastes like a guy that smoked pot all night. 1.00

02:39:08.000 You suck his dick. 1.00

02:39:08.000 This is what comes out of his dick. 1.00

02:39:10.000 It's his TAC coffee. 1.00

02:39:12.000 He ate an asparagus salad and smoked weed.

02:39:16.000 Hello, it's me.

02:39:18.000 What's the story?

02:39:20.000 Your Periscope show.

02:39:21.000 Every morning, you're doing the joint.

02:39:22.000 What is it?

02:39:23.000 Say it again.

02:39:23.000 It's called The Morning Joint with Uncle Joey.

02:39:26.000 I do it about five after eight if the baby lets me go outside.

02:39:29.000 Five after eight in the morning.

02:39:29.000 Yeah.

02:39:30.000 You stand outside for a couple minutes and just do Periscope.

02:39:32.000 I smoke three, four bowls.

02:39:33.000 Two different weeds, maybe a little hashish.

02:39:36.000 And I wake the people up.

02:39:37.000 I give some motivational terms. 1.00

02:39:39.000 I tell the people to grab their dick like today. 1.00

02:39:41.000 The saying of the day was, either they're going to suck your dick or they're going to suck your dick. 1.00

02:39:45.000 Either way, you win. 1.00

02:39:46.000 You know what I'm saying?

02:39:47.000 Wow, that's really clever.

02:39:49.000 Did you write that out?

02:39:50.000 Sure. 1.00

02:39:50.000 And Confucius says, either you're going to suck my dick today or you're going to suck my dick tomorrow. 1.00

02:39:54.000 But you're going to suck my dick somewhere along the line. 1.00

02:39:56.000 A lot of dick sucking going on. 1.00

02:39:57.000 That's how you have to leave the house in the morning. 1.00

02:39:59.000 When I leave the house, I'm scared. 1.00

02:40:00.000 I've got to fucking get myself fired up in the shower and let people know that when I'm going out there, somebody's going to suck your dick today, whether they want it or not. 0.99

02:40:10.000 Joey, do you ever have them delete any of your stuff? 1.00

02:40:14.000 No, I don't know.

02:40:15.000 I don't know nothing about Periscope. 0.94

02:40:16.000 I just do them and I fucking move on with my life. 0.90

02:40:18.000 It's a beautiful day to be alive. 0.98

02:40:19.000 The cloud is out. 0.99

02:40:19.000 Who gives a fuck? 0.99

02:40:20.000 You're showing up with some mad motherfucking sunshine in your heart and in your ball sack. 1.00

02:40:25.000 You understand? 0.99

02:40:26.000 Like the man said, they got two options today. 1.00

02:40:28.000 To suck your dick or to suck your dick. 1.00

02:40:30.000 That's their option, so who gives a fuck? 1.00

02:40:32.000 This is how you wake up. 1.00

02:40:33.000 Joey, what's up with the chitter-chatter? 1.00

02:40:35.000 You know, we've been waiting for 20 fucking minutes. 0.99

02:40:37.000 Now you want to show up a day late and a dollar fucking short? 1.00

02:40:40.000 Let's get this fucking party started. 1.00

02:40:42.000 We're going to open up today with the zombie weed. 1.00

02:40:44.000 By the way, you know me.

02:40:48.000 Okay, I know exactly what I'm doing tomorrow.

02:40:51.000 I'm setting my alarm clock, and I'm going to be a part of this.

02:40:54.000 I usually watch you right when I'm going to bed.

02:40:58.000 You do it really early sometimes.

02:41:01.000 You know what I'm going to do, man?

02:41:02.000 I want to get one of those iPhone things for the car.

02:41:06.000 It's illegal, by the way.

02:41:09.000 It's illegal to have a windshield mount in California.

02:41:13.000 Windshield?

02:41:13.000 Windshield mount.

02:41:14.000 Because it's in front of you.

02:41:15.000 Or anything on your windshield, so you can do that.

02:41:16.000 No, but you don't on the windshield, you do it on the dash, right?

02:41:19.000 Well, no, you can do it on the vents.

02:41:20.000 They have the ones that snap into vents and crap like that.

02:41:22.000 Oh, but it's not illegal to periscope while you're driving.

02:41:24.000 I think it is.

02:41:25.000 I definitely think it is.

02:41:26.000 Really?

02:41:27.000 Yeah, because you're kind of not paying attention to the road.

02:41:29.000 But you are if you just turn it on while you're driving.

02:41:31.000 If you're parked, you turn it on, and you go, okay, it's on, here we go, we're going to work.

02:41:35.000 I don't think they can stop you from doing that.

02:41:37.000 I think that's fine, yeah.

02:41:37.000 Because you could drive like that with GoPros, because that's how those shows get made.

02:41:40.000 Yeah.

02:41:40.000 Like Drive, that Drive channel on YouTube.

02:41:43.000 I was with those guys.

02:41:44.000 Matt Faradud, he's got all these GoPros inside of his car, so you could definitely do that.

02:41:48.000 I drive all the time, but I delete them right after.

02:41:52.000 Why?

02:41:53.000 Because you drive like chaos.

02:41:53.000 Look at this cloud.

02:41:54.000 Look at this cloud and shit. 1.00

02:41:56.000 BAM! That's like the fucking forest fire. 1.00

02:42:02.000 They're fighting in Big Bear right now. 0.99

02:42:09.000 They deleted one of my periscopes.

02:42:11.000 Why?

02:42:11.000 Because I have this thing where I eat shitty food in the shower and like review it.

02:42:16.000 And I was doing Taco Bell. 0.57

02:42:17.000 Like I had like a nacho bel grande and I was just drinking all the water and like a soup.

02:42:22.000 Why did they delete it?

02:42:23.000 Because it was too gross, I think. 1.00

02:42:25.000 What the fuck? 1.00

02:42:25.000 You're eating food. 1.00

02:42:26.000 I know.

02:42:27.000 Why are they censoring?

02:42:28.000 I think they might.

02:42:29.000 I don't know why, but it was available for like an hour, and then they just pulled it, and I don't know if it was...

02:42:34.000 I heard that people were upset at you that you were wasting water.

02:42:37.000 It's a six-minute shower, and I'm taking a real shower while I'm eating.

02:42:41.000 Yeah, but I'm not defending or attacking you, but people were upset that you were wasting water.

02:42:46.000 Well, I understand those complaints, but when I do a shower scope, I try not to shower for four days straight.

02:42:54.000 Can't argue with that, ladies and gentlemen. 1.00

02:42:56.000 Get off your fucking high horse. 1.00

02:42:58.000 How many minutes shower can I take? 1.00

02:43:00.000 You're supposed to take five minutes a day. 0.99

02:43:01.000 Who fucking shuts down the golf course? 1.00

02:43:03.000 When's that happening? 1.00

02:43:04.000 Because until then, fuck yourself. 1.00

02:43:06.000 Because they're using millions of gallons of water. 1.00

02:43:08.000 Until you're shutting down the golf course, fuck off. 1.00

02:43:10.000 Because that's 100% for entertainment. 1.00

02:43:13.000 100%.

02:43:13.000 He's at least taking a combatory effort of entertainment and a shower.

02:43:18.000 I take two, three showers a day, and I take my time.

02:43:21.000 I get this loofah.

02:43:22.000 Nice. 1.00

02:43:23.000 I get the asshole loofah. 1.00

02:43:24.000 You get the loofah with the stick? 1.00

02:43:25.000 I made an asshole loofah, dog. 1.00

02:43:27.000 You made it? 1.00

02:43:28.000 A little loofah with a Q-tip.

02:43:29.000 Just to wash the barnacles around the mufflers.

02:43:32.000 It'll get stuck in there and you won't even know it's in there.

02:43:35.000 No, I did the colonoscopy. 1.00

02:43:36.000 I looked at my ass. 1.00

02:43:37.000 I didn't want to go in there with a dirty asshole. 1.00

02:43:38.000 Just use a shower toothbrush. 1.00

02:43:39.000 What do you want in for your colonoscopy, dog? 1.00

02:43:41.000 Pretty soon, cocksucker. 1.00

02:43:42.000 I've had a finger in my butt. 1.00

02:43:43.000 No, not the finger. 0.99

02:43:44.000 When they stick the camera in there and look around.

02:43:46.000 Doctor had to check around. 0.95

02:43:47.000 They gotta look around.

02:43:48.000 It's very uncomfortable.

02:43:49.000 How bad is that?

02:43:49.000 Very uncomfortable.

02:43:50.000 You don't even make eye contact with these. 1.00

02:43:52.000 Look around your asshole. 1.00

02:43:53.000 It's fucking horrible. 1.00

02:43:54.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:43:56.000 I'm avoiding shoulder surgery.

02:43:57.000 I've got some tears, some small tears in my labrum. 0.93

02:44:01.000 So I've been going through Regenikine and physical therapy and all this different shit for it. 0.95

02:44:07.000 It's my latest health issue. 0.98

02:44:09.000 It's fascinating shit to feel your joints giving out. 0.97

02:44:13.000 And to realize, oh, this might have to get fixed. 0.95

02:44:15.000 I'm going to have to get this one fixed.

02:44:17.000 It's not quite at the point where I've got to get it fixed.

02:44:19.000 I think I could rejuvenate it to the point.

02:44:21.000 It's weird because it's still strong, but it just gets sore after I use it.

02:44:25.000 And there's apparently some bone chips in there from jujitsu.

02:44:28.000 My knee hurts, but what am I going to do?

02:44:30.000 Americanas.

02:44:30.000 Oh my God, I cried.

02:44:31.000 Your knee hurts?

02:44:33.000 Again, the one I just had surgery. 1.00

02:44:34.000 You should look into that Regenicene shit. 1.00

02:44:37.000 What's Regenicene? 1.00

02:44:38.000 Genachines are the blood-spinning procedure.

02:44:39.000 They take your blood out.

02:44:40.000 It's what Kobe Bryant, all these guys used to go to Germany for.

02:44:43.000 Now they have a place in Santa Monica.

02:44:45.000 And it's just massive anti-inflammatories.

02:44:47.000 How much blood do they have to take out?

02:44:49.000 They take out some blood.

02:44:50.000 That's when we have a problem.

02:44:51.000 They take out some blood.

02:44:53.000 You got a tube.

02:44:53.000 Whatever a tube is, you got a tube.

02:44:55.000 No, they got a few tubes.

02:44:56.000 No, we can't do it.

02:44:57.000 And they're big tubes, too.

02:44:58.000 No, no, no.

02:44:58.000 They're taking two big tubes and a couple small tubes.

02:45:00.000 They got that bass drum air fucking compressor. 0.99

02:45:03.000 And they fucking banged it out of your blood. 1.00

02:45:05.000 Fuck you. 1.00

02:45:06.000 That's why I didn't go to the thing, the Salvation Army. 1.00

02:45:08.000 They went with 16 ounces of blood.

02:45:11.000 Are you kidding me?

02:45:11.000 They get all your blood.

02:45:12.000 They gotta go, what have you been doing?

02:45:14.000 You know what, bro?

02:45:15.000 I try to give blood once a month. 0.82

02:45:17.000 His blood smells like weed. 1.00

02:45:18.000 I go to the doctor with some fake fucking excuse. 1.00

02:45:21.000 Because people, that's why women don't get heart attacks. 1.00

02:45:23.000 Because they bleed once a month.

02:45:25.000 What?

02:45:25.000 Yeah, that's why.

02:45:26.000 What the fuck are you talking about? 1.00

02:45:27.000 Because they bleed once a month. 1.00

02:45:28.000 They change up their fucking blood. 1.00

02:45:29.000 You make new fucking blood. 1.00

02:45:31.000 That's why women don't get heart attacks. 1.00

02:45:33.000 Because every month they need iron to make new fucking blood. 1.00

02:45:36.000 But we don't bleed like women, so that's why it's good when men go get blood. 1.00

02:45:40.000 Because then your body rejuvenates new fucking blood, even if it's four fucking ounces. 0.99

02:45:44.000 What do you think you're dealing with? 0.99

02:45:45.000 Is that what's true?

02:45:45.000 Then dudes who did coke would bleed more out of their noses, so they would probably live longer.

02:45:49.000 What are you talking about? 1.00

02:45:50.000 I'm telling you right now that the reason women don't die as many heart attacks as men is because they don't bleed out the fucking monkey. 0.99

02:45:56.000 I think the reason why they probably don't die as much is because they don't date as many women. 1.00

02:46:00.000 If you're over 40, go get blood once a month.

02:46:02.000 Just a couple tubes so your body starts from scratch.

02:46:04.000 I'm telling you, Joe.

02:46:05.000 I think when women are not dating women, it saves a lot of stress. 1.00

02:46:08.000 That's a good point.

02:46:09.000 I think with this gay marriage thing, you're going to see a rise in heart attacks from women. 1.00

02:46:13.000 Lesbian heart attacks. 1.00

02:46:15.000 Once they get the bill from the lawyer, the alimony. 0.90

02:46:18.000 What? 1.00

02:46:18.000 Bitch, get a job! 1.00

02:46:20.000 I'm not your mother! 1.00

02:46:21.000 I didn't give birth to you! 1.00

02:46:22.000 You didn't have fucking kids with me! 1.00

02:46:24.000 God damn it! 1.00

02:46:26.000 Melissa Etheridge was really funny when she was talking about that. 1.00

02:46:28.000 She gives alimony to two different chicks. 1.00

02:46:30.000 I go, what happened? 1.00

02:46:31.000 She goes, bitches are crazy. 1.00

02:46:38.000 Melissa Etheridge is a badass bitch. 1.00

02:46:40.000 She's a badass bitch. 1.00

02:46:43.000 I say that with all due respect. 1.00

02:46:46.000 I call you a badass bitch. 1.00

02:46:47.000 I can call anybody I love a badass bitch. 1.00

02:46:49.000 Look at you, you badass bitch. 1.00

02:46:51.000 That's 100% respectful. 1.00

02:46:53.000 Where you at this weekend, Bill?

02:46:54.000 You at the theater?

02:46:55.000 This is the Ka Theater at the MGM with Tommy Segura and Tony Hinchcliffe in Vegas the night before the big fights.

02:47:02.000 I'm going to miss you guys.

02:47:03.000 I'm going to miss you too.

02:47:04.000 Where are you at?

02:47:04.000 I'm at the Atlanta Improv.

02:47:06.000 I heard that's a good spot.

02:47:07.000 Nice spot.

02:47:08.000 Brian Cowen's the king.

02:47:09.000 He's the king there?

02:47:10.000 Yep.

02:47:11.000 They don't have the punchline anymore. 0.99

02:47:13.000 But they did a punchline comedy night at a fucking backyard the other day. 0.99

02:47:18.000 They had some gated community. 1.00

02:47:19.000 They have some crazy community somewhere outside of Atlanta.

02:47:23.000 It's like one of those engineered communities, and they have all these recreations, and it's a gated community.

02:47:28.000 But they had this, the Punchline, had a Punchline comedy night, and all these people are sitting outside, and they decided to have a comedy night at their community.

02:47:35.000 Did you say the Punchline's not open anymore?

02:47:37.000 It's not open anymore.

02:47:37.000 What they did to the building, or what happened?

02:47:39.000 I think they lost their lease, I'm assuming, but they've been there forever, forever.

02:47:45.000 Or they might have decided it doesn't make sense to keep the lease.

02:47:48.000 I don't know exactly what happened.

02:47:50.000 Yeah.

02:47:50.000 They're looking for another spot.

02:47:51.000 That green room sucked anyway. 0.99

02:47:53.000 No, it was. 0.75

02:47:54.000 It was kind of cool.

02:47:55.000 That was the green room that had a little sign on the wall that said, quit trying to be Hicks.

02:47:58.000 Yeah.

02:47:59.000 But you also got trapped there, because the only way to enter or exit that green room was walking through the whole entire audience.

02:48:05.000 Yeah.

02:48:05.000 That's also the green room where Seth Petruzzelli fought Kimbo Slice and I called the fight like right before it happened because Ken Shamrock got injured warming up for the first fight and then all of a sudden instead of Ken Kimbo Slice had to fight Seth Petruzzelli and I went what?

02:48:21.000 And as soon as I saw it, I'm like, oh my god, Seth Petruzzelli's gonna fuck him up. 0.76

02:48:24.000 Like, this is a terrible fight for him. 1.00

02:48:26.000 Petruzzelli's a bad motherfucker. 1.00

02:48:28.000 So I watched that. 1.00

02:48:29.000 I was like, this is a terrible matchup. 0.99

02:48:31.000 And everybody's like, you're crazy. 0.98

02:48:32.000 Kimbo's a world beater. 0.99

02:48:34.000 I'm like, dude, wait till you see what happens here.

02:48:36.000 And it happened within, like, eight seconds.

02:48:38.000 Just as soon as the fight started, Petruzzelli knocks him out.

02:48:41.000 And I go, see?

02:48:42.000 I called it. 1.00

02:48:43.000 Seth Petruzzelli's a bad motherfucker. 0.99

02:48:45.000 But I was like, if I didn't call it, you would never see this. 1.00

02:48:48.000 We would hide this.

02:48:50.000 It was a crazy little green room, man.

02:48:52.000 That was a good little spot. 0.76

02:48:53.000 Yeah, I mean, just walking to it sucked.

02:48:55.000 I always thought it was a back door or something to it. 0.76

02:48:56.000 Yeah, walking sucked, but that was part of the fun of that club.

02:48:59.000 It was kind of wonky, you know?

02:49:01.000 There's that weird wonky upstairs, remember?

02:49:04.000 Yeah.

02:49:04.000 It's that weird spot.

02:49:05.000 I'll show it.

02:49:05.000 Look at that manly beard.

02:49:06.000 God damn it, I need to grow another beard. 0.99

02:49:08.000 I always died in a slow death at that club. 0.99

02:49:11.000 What's that?

02:49:13.000 You wouldn't now. 0.99

02:49:14.000 Guarantee people know what the fuck you're doing. 0.99

02:49:16.000 When I used to bring you there, people didn't know what to make of you. 0.99

02:49:19.000 They were so confused. 0.98

02:49:20.000 They fucking hated me there. 0.99

02:49:22.000 Well, you were in this position back then where either they got it or they didn't hear it. 0.99

02:49:27.000 No, but I wasn't working hard then either.

02:49:29.000 I was going up there coked up like from the night before, not even feeling it.

02:49:35.000 You know, when you have coke in your blood from the night before, dog...

02:49:39.000 Does it depress you the next day?

02:49:41.000 No, it wasn't the depression. 0.97

02:49:42.000 It's like, you know, you got high, like, I would get high, like, Mondays, Wednesdays, and then the fucking weekend was coming. 0.98

02:49:48.000 You gotta warm up, you know? 0.98

02:49:50.000 And the first night, you'd have, like, a good show. 1.00

02:49:52.000 Thursday night, I'd have a good show, but then I got a hold of that shit. 0.99

02:49:55.000 And then Friday was rough, and then Saturday was even rougher, because you're more dis-communicated. 0.99

02:50:02.000 Disconnected.

02:50:03.000 Disconnected is the word. 1.00

02:50:04.000 So I would go up there, die, and then have to see those people, and I fucking hated them, and they hated me, you know? 0.99

02:50:11.000 So for the longest time for you, that cocaine was a real anchor around your neck? 1.00

02:50:17.000 Oh, 30 fucking years. 0.99

02:50:18.000 I was telling my wife this morning, the whole 90s. 1.00

02:50:21.000 You figure the whole 90s.

02:50:22.000 How did you kick it?

02:50:24.000 How'd I kick it?

02:50:25.000 I told you, I just kicked it. 0.99

02:50:26.000 I don't fucking know. 0.97

02:50:28.000 I just didn't want... 0.99

02:50:29.000 Listen, bro, like I told you, I have a fucking revenge gene. 0.99

02:50:34.000 Okay? 1.00

02:50:36.000 You'd rather fucking get ten dicks up your ass than have somebody come to you and say Joey Diaz died from an overdose. 1.00

02:50:43.000 I was not gonna let that out. 1.00

02:50:44.000 I was not gonna let people come up to you and go, see I told you.

02:50:48.000 And I definitely want my wife to find me on the floor. 1.00

02:50:51.000 Listen, you could find me on the floor.

02:50:53.000 Red Band could never handle it.

02:50:54.000 Red Band would never be the same again if he found me on the floor.

02:50:57.000 Never. 1.00

02:50:57.000 Red Band would fucking... 1.00

02:51:00.000 God, because he doesn't have that DNA. Neither does this poor guy. 1.00

02:51:03.000 You do.

02:51:03.000 You can find anybody on the floor.

02:51:05.000 It'd be tough for you to deal.

02:51:07.000 I don't know what to think about that.

02:51:08.000 It'd be tough for you to deal.

02:51:10.000 You're a strong, you know what I'm saying?

02:51:11.000 You would put it in perspective a lot quicker than Red Band could.

02:51:15.000 Red Band would take two years.

02:51:16.000 Talking about him like he's not right there.

02:51:17.000 No, I'm not saying something bad about Red Band.

02:51:22.000 Red Band's got a great soul.

02:51:24.000 When I first met Red Band, I would talk.

02:51:26.000 This kid would leave the room.

02:51:27.000 He didn't know what to make of me.

02:51:29.000 The Columbus days?

02:51:30.000 Yeah, yeah.

02:51:31.000 He didn't know.

02:51:32.000 So, what I'm saying is there's some people who could find a guy on the floor and live with it, and there's some people who can't digest it.

02:51:39.000 They can't.

02:51:40.000 I didn't want two things.

02:51:41.000 I didn't want Terry finding me on the floor. 0.99

02:51:43.000 I definitely didn't want to die in a hotel room on the fucking road. 0.99

02:51:46.000 Right. 0.99

02:51:47.000 And that was my main playground.

02:51:48.000 You know what the embarrassing that is? 0.61

02:51:49.000 They gotta go get you in the hotel room naked. 1.00

02:51:51.000 That's what I'm jumping at. 1.00

02:51:52.000 With jerk-off juice on your leg.

02:51:54.000 Hopefully.

02:51:55.000 And some chick who left at 3 in the morning and then people are gonna say, I told you, Joe Rogan.

02:51:59.000 That was never gonna happen in my lifestyle.

02:52:01.000 In my lifetime, that was not going to happen.

02:52:03.000 I was not going to OD from Cope. 0.98

02:52:05.000 I couldn't give them the satisfaction even after the fucking fact. 0.99

02:52:08.000 That's how deep my revenge gene runs. 0.99

02:52:11.000 Wow.

02:52:12.000 That's hilarious.

02:52:13.000 You got clean because you wanted to get back at the people that would have been happy if you died.

02:52:20.000 Oh, please.

02:52:21.000 Would have been happy if I died from that.

02:52:23.000 They would have loved to look at you in the face and go, I told you so. 1.00

02:52:26.000 There's people that live for that shit. 1.00

02:52:28.000 That once they have an opinion, they live by it. 1.00

02:52:31.000 Let me tell you something, though.

02:52:32.000 I've said I told you so a shitload of times now.

02:52:36.000 I get to say I told you so now. 1.00

02:52:37.000 I get to say I told you so to a lot of fucking agents. 1.00

02:52:40.000 I've had some stupid conversations with people back in the day. 1.00

02:52:45.000 Stupid! 1.00

02:52:46.000 Where they were trying to tell me you weren't talented, you weren't funny. 1.00

02:52:48.000 I'm like, you need to shut the fuck up. 1.00

02:52:49.000 You don't know what you're talking about. 1.00

02:52:50.000 Listen, man, when you're on the drug, when you're on any drug...

02:52:54.000 You get stuck in that emotional state where you started that drug, where that drug really became something else for you.

02:52:59.000 Listen, when I leave now and I go to a pharmacist and I get Anivar, it starts off great.

02:53:05.000 I eat one Anivar three times a day.

02:53:06.000 What's an Anivar?

02:53:07.000 Anivar is a steroid, a light steroid to get the burn victim.

02:53:10.000 Oh, okay, I've heard of that.

02:53:11.000 Okay, but once I start seeing that...

02:53:13.000 That thing.

02:53:14.000 Then I become something else.

02:53:15.000 When chicks start coming up to me and going, Joey, we love your arms and we love your back, it becomes an emotional thing. 0.95

02:53:20.000 Okay.

02:53:20.000 So now I'm shooting Decker.

02:53:21.000 Now I'm chasing that dragon, that feeling. 1.00

02:53:24.000 Well, when you start doing, you do a fucking line of coke because you're an emotional fucking wreck. 1.00

02:53:29.000 When you do it, you don't even know it at times. 0.99

02:53:31.000 You become an emotional wreck from any drug, those pills.

02:53:34.000 So for me, I got stuck emotionally.

02:53:37.000 The anger was stuck in me.

02:53:38.000 You can't move forward.

02:53:39.000 We've had this discussion.

02:53:40.000 You can't move forward.

02:53:41.000 Well, you've always said that it shuts off your soul.

02:53:44.000 Sure it does.

02:53:45.000 Sure it does.

02:53:45.000 That's the way you described it.

02:53:47.000 It was like you just became a blank.

02:53:48.000 Sure it does.

02:53:49.000 I wasn't happy.

02:53:50.000 I wasn't sad.

02:53:51.000 I wasn't mad.

02:53:52.000 I wasn't any of the above.

02:53:53.000 I had no emotions.

02:53:55.000 You faked the funk in a way.

02:53:56.000 Even in those days, you still were Joey Diaz. 0.97

02:53:59.000 Oh, I could still throw some fucking heat if you caught me after two days, if I sat down with a notebook, but it wasn't... 0.92

02:54:06.000 You still had a lot of talent. 0.98

02:54:09.000 There's still something about you.

02:54:12.000 That just, it was about you catching it.

02:54:15.000 I remember one time we worked together at Rascals.

02:54:18.000 West Orange?

02:54:19.000 West Orange.

02:54:19.000 Yeah, Rascals and West Orange.

02:54:21.000 And it was at the time when you made the transition.

02:54:25.000 You know how Nicole or Caitlyn Jenner, that was a transition?

02:54:30.000 There was a transition where you went from Joey Diaz, the guy who wants to be a comedian, to Joey Diaz, a great comedian.

02:54:36.000 And I watched it happen, and it happened really quickly.

02:54:39.000 That was what was weird.

02:54:40.000 It was like, you had this period of time where you were real hit and miss, you know?

02:54:43.000 And, you know, if you went down, you went down hard, and you would go down.

02:54:46.000 Sometimes you would bomb, like, multiple sets in a row, and it just wasn't clicking.

02:54:50.000 It wasn't clicking.

02:54:51.000 And then, boom.

02:54:52.000 You hit on it and figured out what it was, and it's almost like you released something.

02:55:00.000 Like, you had, like, a demon inside you.

02:55:01.000 You pulled it out, and you released it.

02:55:03.000 And then, all of a sudden, you were crushing it. 0.96

02:55:05.000 I remember I think it was Tripoli and I were in the back by the the back hallway And it was like one of the times where you just really started crushing and Tripoli was like Joey Diaz is on another level I go yeah, man like what the fuck like you just caught it you like you caught a wave and all of a sudden you were surfing and And then from then on, 0.95

02:55:24.000 you figured it out. 0.97

02:55:25.000 It was crazy. 0.72

02:55:26.000 Like, you went from being, like, a really funny guy offstage, and an occasionally funny guy onstage, but often mediocre, to a monster. 0.62

02:55:36.000 Just monster.

02:55:38.000 Like, there was nights in the OR where you were destroying, and we were falling out of the backstage.

02:55:42.000 We would leave, like, laughing so hard, we would go down the back stairs, out into the hallway, and there'd be, like, two or three guys slapping their leg laughing.

02:55:51.000 I'd be dying on stage.

02:55:52.000 I love that.

02:55:52.000 The original room brings something out of you.

02:55:56.000 We're out of time.

02:55:57.000 We're out of time.

02:55:58.000 I love you, man.

02:55:59.000 Thank you for having me on.

02:56:01.000 Anytime.

02:56:01.000 It was fun at our 4th of July barbecue, too.

02:56:04.000 Great to see you, too.

02:56:05.000 Jamie, yuck.

02:56:06.000 Yuck.

02:56:07.000 I'm going to go home now and take a swim in. 0.99

02:56:09.000 That's always a fucking blast. 0.99

02:56:10.000 His daughter just says, yuck, and everything. 0.99

02:56:11.000 The first time she met me, she goes, yuck.

02:56:13.000 She kissed me.

02:56:15.000 She's yuck to everything. 1.00

02:56:17.000 Do you want to have some of this?

02:56:17.000 Yuck.

02:56:18.000 But I showed her some ice cream, and she's like, oh, then that was our best friend.

02:56:22.000 Then it was a vanilla ice cream, man.

02:56:25.000 Joey Diaz, what is it, the Periscope?

02:56:27.000 How do people get to it?

02:56:28.000 I don't know.

02:56:29.000 Follow him on Twitter.

02:56:31.000 I always put it up on Twitter five minutes.

02:56:34.000 What time in the morning?

02:56:35.000 Five after eight.

02:56:36.000 Five after eight.

02:56:37.000 You've got to check that out.

02:56:38.000 Get your day started off with that.

02:56:39.000 Of course, Mad Flavor on Twitter.

02:56:43.000 Red Band on Twitter.

02:56:44.000 Show's coming up.

02:56:45.000 Next week in Toronto, and this week, Wednesday, Comedy Store with Steve-O. Good googly moogly.

02:56:52.000 Alright, friends, we'll see you soon.

02:56:53.000 Bye-bye.

02:56:54.000 Love you guys.

The Joe Rogan Experience - July 07, 2015

Joe Rogan Experience #669 - Joey Diaz

Episode Stats

Summary

Transcript