The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #722 - Tony Hinchcliffe (Audio Only)

00:00:02.000 The Joe Rogan Experience.

00:00:04.000 Train by day!

00:00:05.000 Joe Rogan Podcast by night!

00:00:07.000 All day!

00:00:10.000 Boom! 0.99

00:00:10.000 We are live in a hotel room in the middle of Melbourne, Australia, and next door to us is some sort of a religious institution, cathedral-type scenario, some fucking bunk-ass bullshit old-world voodoo house. 0.99

00:00:33.000 That's got their fucking bells ringing constantly. 0.99

00:00:35.000 They get to do that. 1.00

00:00:36.000 Imagine if you lived next door to those assholes, and it's like, they decided today it was a special time to ring the gong. 0.99

00:00:43.000 So we don't know what's going on. 0.99

00:00:45.000 We thought it was like, maybe for Paris.

00:00:49.000 Because as we're doing this, Tony and I just found out maybe an hour or so ago that the Paris attacks had gone on.

00:00:59.000 More than 100 people are dead.

00:01:01.000 It was inside some rock and roll show.

00:01:05.000 Yeah, death metal.

00:01:07.000 Yeah, some death metal show.

00:01:09.000 One more reason and never go see a death metal concert.

00:01:12.000 Already.

00:01:13.000 That's an interesting place to attack. 1.00

00:01:16.000 Yeah, it's pretty fucked up. 1.00

00:01:17.000 The whole thing is pretty fucked up. 1.00

00:01:19.000 I didn't know they had death metal in Paris. 0.99

00:01:21.000 It seems like it just wouldn't even exist there.

00:01:23.000 Like, there'd be no base for that.

00:01:25.000 Turns out there was hundreds of people there.

00:01:28.000 I think more than that.

00:01:29.000 I think there's thousands.

00:01:30.000 I think it's a big...

00:01:31.000 I don't know.

00:01:33.000 Why would you think that death metal wouldn't be popular in Paris?

00:01:36.000 Paris just seems like they're a little bit too, like, prim and proper for, uh, you know, death metal.

00:01:41.000 I think on paper they do.

00:01:44.000 Like if we look at it from the past.

00:01:46.000 Yeah.

00:01:46.000 I don't think they're that prim and proper.

00:01:48.000 I think Paris is a lot of like drinking and fucking and Gerard Depardieu. 0.99

00:01:54.000 I almost thought it stopped. 0.99

00:01:56.000 It did stop.

00:01:57.000 Now they're just slowly gonging.

00:02:00.000 One, two, three.

00:02:01.000 How long are you going to do that?

00:02:02.000 I don't know.

00:02:03.000 This is like the biggest cathedral I've ever seen, though, right?

00:02:06.000 This thing's huge.

00:02:07.000 It's over.

00:02:07.000 It ended.

00:02:09.000 It's pretty big.

00:02:10.000 The ones in New York City, I think, are probably bigger.

00:02:12.000 They're really old, though.

00:02:14.000 Those old, we were saying before this started, that those old religious houses, those old buildings, they don't make them like that anymore.

00:02:22.000 I wish they did.

00:02:23.000 That stuff's so cool.

00:02:24.000 With Game of Thrones getting more popular, you would think there'd be more of that type of architecture happening.

00:02:31.000 People wanting to create their own kingdoms and stuff.

00:02:34.000 I bet we do see more of it.

00:02:35.000 It's hard to create a kingdom today.

00:02:37.000 People are too hip.

00:02:38.000 They're aware of what you're trying to do.

00:02:40.000 Yeah. 0.97

00:02:43.000 Have you tried to make a religion today where all your leaders can't have sex, like the Catholics have? 1.00

00:02:50.000 They'd be like, wait, what? 1.00

00:02:52.000 Get the fuck out of here. 0.99

00:02:53.000 Nobody would want to be the leader of that. 0.99

00:02:55.000 They're like, I'll follow, but I'm not going to lead.

00:02:59.000 Scientology is the most recent of all the religions, right? 0.96

00:03:03.000 Because that was started in the 50s or 60s.

00:03:07.000 I'm reading the middle of this book.

00:03:08.000 I can't finish it.

00:03:10.000 I read it and then I put it down.

00:03:12.000 It's a Lawrence Wright book, Going Clear.

00:03:15.000 It was the beginning of that HBO documentary.

00:03:19.000 That's how it started.

00:03:21.000 I've watched the documentary and I keep getting into this book, but It's so crazy. 0.95

00:03:27.000 That guy L. Ron Hubbard was so fucking crazy that the idea that this guy could start this global movement that has who knows how many fucking thousands of people in it and how many fucking millions if not billions of dollars they've earned in real estate and how much they've pilfered from all these people that are inside of it. 0.97

00:03:46.000 It's crazy. 0.99

00:03:47.000 It really is.

00:03:48.000 I think it really preys upon the people that are the weakest.

00:03:53.000 I mean, how do you believe?

00:03:55.000 The guy was a science fiction author.

00:03:57.000 That should be enough.

00:03:59.000 Right there.

00:04:00.000 The first thing at the top of this guy's resume is that he was a big science fiction author.

00:04:06.000 I mean, if George Lucas started a religion, Well, I guess maybe that'd probably be a pretty cool religion.

00:04:12.000 Oh, and if it would join, so many dorks would be like, I'm in! 1.00

00:04:15.000 Fuck it! 1.00

00:04:16.000 I'm in! 1.00

00:04:17.000 And that's really the crazy part, is I don't know, like, I don't, I mean, I don't think L. Ron Hubbard really got that famous off of, like, his science fiction.

00:04:24.000 Maybe I'm wrong, like, I don't know, but it was definitely no Star Wars.

00:04:28.000 Like, you would think that, and maybe that's why he did this.

00:04:31.000 Like, he's like, I haven't come up with a hit.

00:04:33.000 Maybe I'll just start a religion.

00:04:34.000 I don't know.

00:04:35.000 Well, he is the most prolific author ever.

00:04:38.000 He wrote more books than anybody that's ever lived.

00:04:41.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:04:41.000 Which is another thing that would be at the top of his resume that proves that he's full of bullshit. 1.00

00:04:46.000 Just so much stuff. 1.00

00:04:48.000 He just kept writing.

00:04:49.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:04:50.000 Well, he's the most prolific bullshit artist ever. 0.99

00:04:52.000 And the other thing is that his work was all first drafts. 0.99

00:04:57.000 It seems like he never did a second draft ever.

00:05:00.000 Whatever he thought, he wrote down and just slobbered through the whole thing.

00:05:06.000 It's all terrible, terrible, terrible writing.

00:05:09.000 And then the Thetans drop the frozen volcano, the people in the volcano, and that's where your anxiety comes from.

00:05:17.000 Going clear is about releasing all of it.

00:05:20.000 All of his ideas and principles of...

00:05:25.000 The ideals of Scientology.

00:05:28.000 He outlined in the science fiction stories before he ever put them down as the actual reality of Scientology.

00:05:36.000 If you go back over his older stuff, you see him making this stuff up.

00:05:42.000 And, you know, it's like, on top of all that, on top of it being wild, they take so much money from these people.

00:05:49.000 10%, right?

00:05:51.000 Is it a 10% thing?

00:05:52.000 And then, like, if you do anything bad, they, like, punish you and make you give them more money and stuff.

00:05:58.000 No, it's true.

00:05:59.000 Like, I was reading this article about that actress... 0.98

00:06:02.000 She was in, like, Mike, not Mike, Caroline Ray, I think her name is.

00:06:06.000 She was in, like, some show with, like, Mike or Molly, one of those.

00:06:09.000 You talking about Leah Remini?

00:06:10.000 Yeah, that's who I'm talking about.

00:06:11.000 She's in the King and Queens. 0.95

00:06:12.000 Yeah.

00:06:13.000 She was in the Kevin James show.

00:06:14.000 Kevin James.

00:06:15.000 That's right.

00:06:16.000 I always get Kevin James and Mike from Mike and Molly confused.

00:06:21.000 Big sitcom, guys.

00:06:23.000 But I guess, like...

00:06:25.000 I guess she went to Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes' wedding and said some stuff and everybody got mad at her and they charged her like $100,000 for it.

00:06:35.000 Something crazy like that.

00:06:37.000 Well, they didn't just charge her.

00:06:38.000 They made her go through hours and hours of retraining and auditing.

00:06:42.000 You go through this auditing thing where you have to sit down.

00:06:45.000 You go through every single last detail of everything you said and what you did during the wedding and she had to apologize to Katie Holmes for ruining her special day and I can see Leah Remini fucking it up, though.

00:06:58.000 She's, you know, she's a bold woman. 0.52

00:06:59.000 Yeah, she seems like a little party machine. 1.00

00:07:01.000 She gets a few champagnes in her or something.

00:07:05.000 She seems like she drinks and just starts auditing out loud, you know? 0.96

00:07:08.000 Do you think this podcast is gonna get fucked up by those gongs in the background? 0.90

00:07:12.000 I think maybe it sort of gives it, like, a vibe, like, sort of a tone. 0.98

00:07:16.000 An annoying tone. 0.91

00:07:18.000 If you're listening to this right now, you'd be like, are they fucking really going to do this with the gongs in the background? 0.54

00:07:25.000 I don't know if there's a way in this room we could get away from it. 0.91

00:07:28.000 I think that's the reality of where we are.

00:07:33.000 That is unbelievably annoying.

00:07:36.000 If I lived here, I'd be so pissed. 0.99

00:07:38.000 If I was trying to take my afternoon nap, and this shit is going off, gong, gong, gong, gong, Jesus Christ, once upon a time, walked upon the water, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong. 0.99

00:07:49.000 I think it's because of the France thing. 0.99

00:07:51.000 But there's people going in there.

00:07:53.000 It looks like a wedding.

00:07:54.000 You know what I was just thinking about?

00:07:55.000 Because I was reading all these tweets on Twitter about the Paris-France thing, like, as it's happening.

00:08:00.000 And so many people are tweeting the same thing.

00:08:03.000 They're all going like, you know, pray for France, pray for France.

00:08:06.000 And I'm just thinking to myself, like, I started thinking about prayer and what it is.

00:08:11.000 And it just seems like it's something that people do to make themselves feel better.

00:08:18.000 Well, it's definitely something people do to make themselves feel better.

00:08:20.000 But the idea is that somehow positive thinking can correct things.

00:08:25.000 Can you imagine if there was studies that showed that praying did something?

00:08:35.000 What would happen?

00:08:37.000 Well, what is the placebo effect?

00:08:38.000 The placebo effect is you believing that something is happening, even though there's no real chemical, like you're taking a sugar pill.

00:08:46.000 And just believing that that sugar pill is some miracle pill, you can somehow or another enact a physical effect on your body.

00:08:53.000 The power of the mind, it's real.

00:08:56.000 There's real healing powers of the mind, and if you apply that to prayer, if you think that prayer really does help, if you actually believe it, it probably would have a similar effect.

00:09:09.000 At least physically, to the placebo effect.

00:09:13.000 Yeah, on the person praying.

00:09:15.000 On the person who believes.

00:09:16.000 Like if somebody prayed for you, if you had something wrong with you, and someone prayed for you, it might have a physical effect on you if you actually believed they could do it. 0.98

00:09:26.000 Like if you had some Gandalf motherfucker hanging around with you. 0.99

00:09:30.000 Oh, I see. 0.99

00:09:30.000 So if you believe that prayers work, and somebody prays for you, and you're like, oh man, these people are praying for me. 0.99

00:09:37.000 Yeah.

00:09:38.000 It could have an effect.

00:09:40.000 I think that there's probably all these untapped ways that we can help our body, that we can power up our immune system or overcome certain...

00:09:55.000 Certain things that are happening to our physical body just because our mind believes it.

00:10:02.000 They've shown it with the placebo effect that it's a real effect, that there is really something going on.

00:10:07.000 But we don't know how to voluntarily use that without tricking ourselves for the most part.

00:10:12.000 Yeah.

00:10:13.000 You know how this guy Wim Hof on my podcast? 0.99

00:10:15.000 Fascinating fucking dude. 0.98

00:10:17.000 And he's, he holds like 26 world records. 1.00

00:10:20.000 He summited Everest in his shorts with like sandals on, fucking ice cleats under the sandals. 0.98

00:10:29.000 And he ran half a marathon in minus 40 degree weather with shorts on and no shirt barefoot. 0.99

00:10:41.000 Yeah, he swam 100 yards.

00:10:43.000 It was supposed to be 50, but he couldn't figure out how to go.

00:10:46.000 It was under the ice. 0.83

00:10:47.000 He swam under the ice, and it was supposed to be 50 yards, but his retinas froze because the water was so fucking cold, so he couldn't see where he was going. 0.79

00:10:56.000 So he wound up going twice as far.

00:10:58.000 With one breath, he wound up swimming 100 yards under the ice before they pulled him out.

00:11:03.000 Because he couldn't find the hole in the ice.

00:11:06.000 He's got 26 world records and a big part of his methodology is about breathing and about over-oxygenating, like oxygen loading on your lungs.

00:11:22.000 But he's able to achieve these crazy states.

00:11:25.000 He had a Dutch University or a hospital or university hospital inject him with a mycotoxin.

00:11:36.000 A mycotoxin?

00:11:37.000 A biotoxin.

00:11:38.000 And this biotoxin that he showed that he could activate his immune system with his own mind.

00:11:47.000 Things that we thought were only autonomous sort of Like your immune system, he's able to actually physically activate it with his own mind.

00:11:59.000 So I think there's all sorts of different areas of the human body that we haven't really tapped into the full potential of.

00:12:06.000 That's probably what the placebo effect shows.

00:12:10.000 It shows that we just don't know how to stimulate, like the average person doesn't know how to stimulate those systems, but it is possible.

00:12:19.000 We just don't know how to do it.

00:12:24.000 Hmm.

00:12:24.000 That's some interesting stuff.

00:12:26.000 Well, it's interesting because we know that certain states are bad for your immune system. 0.98

00:12:31.000 Like being depressed or being stressed out or being fucked up. 0.98

00:12:35.000 You can get sick. 0.99

00:12:36.000 People get sick, they get stressed, they get worn out.

00:12:39.000 If you're calm and relaxed, you can handle things better.

00:12:43.000 So we know that there's certain states of mind that are more beneficial for your body.

00:12:49.000 We just don't know how, like most people don't know how to achieve those certain states.

00:12:53.000 Grab a water over here.

00:12:55.000 It's interesting.

00:12:57.000 We also know like exercise, like if you exercise, has a pretty profound effect on your body.

00:13:05.000 Exercise has a profound effect on your stress levels and that effect on your stress levels can...

00:13:12.000 Change your health.

00:13:14.000 Yeah, it was crazy.

00:13:15.000 Like, my whole clock and everything was all messed up yesterday because we just flew to Australia.

00:13:20.000 And I was waking up from a nap, so I'm normally messed up after a nap anyway, but I was double messed up.

00:13:26.000 And I went down to the gym, hit the steam room, and it was unbelievable how I went from, like...

00:13:33.000 24% to 100% in an hour.

00:13:37.000 Just from sweating and sweating and sweating and getting the blood flowing.

00:13:44.000 Yeah, get the blood flowing, fire up the machine, get all the systems working.

00:13:49.000 Yeah.

00:13:50.000 Well, that's why I always have a hard time trusting people that don't exercise.

00:13:54.000 Yeah.

00:13:55.000 Especially people that are, like, really emotional or overreact and they don't exercise. 0.99

00:13:59.000 I'm like, God damn it. 0.98

00:14:00.000 You don't have, like, a mitigation process. 0.99

00:14:03.000 Like, if you do, it doesn't evolve.

00:14:05.000 You know, like, it has to be all mental.

00:14:07.000 They don't have anything, like, physical.

00:14:09.000 When I was growing up...

00:14:10.000 Stress reliever.

00:14:10.000 And I think it's, like, a Midwest thing.

00:14:12.000 I feel like it's...

00:14:13.000 Maybe it's an East Coast thing.

00:14:16.000 But I feel like...

00:14:18.000 I feel like maybe they're better at this now, but I feel like they would just make it look like exercising.

00:14:25.000 They would tell you to exercise to lose weight.

00:14:28.000 I feel like nobody was really outgoingly saying that work out to make your mind stronger.

00:14:36.000 Yeah.

00:14:36.000 And I feel like maybe it's just California, or maybe I just hang out with smarter people now.

00:14:42.000 Maybe it's all of that.

00:14:43.000 But now it's very clear to me why working out is important, and it doesn't matter how much you weigh.

00:14:50.000 But in Ohio, I felt like that was it.

00:14:53.000 You would never see someone with my build running, I feel like, where I'm from.

00:14:59.000 Really?

00:14:59.000 Yeah.

00:15:00.000 Skinny people don't run? 1.00

00:15:01.000 Yeah.

00:15:02.000 Why?

00:15:03.000 Nobody exercises there.

00:15:04.000 It's very bizarre.

00:15:05.000 People don't exercise in the middle of the country, man.

00:15:08.000 They don't?

00:15:08.000 It's creepy.

00:15:09.000 Are you sure?

00:15:09.000 It's creepy.

00:15:10.000 Did you survey?

00:15:11.000 I mean, I'm saying not everybody doesn't exercise, but they definitely don't exercise like successful people exercise, like Californians exercise.

00:15:22.000 I mean, there's obviously not everybody in California exercises, but I don't know.

00:15:26.000 I just feel like...

00:15:28.000 I feel like big food companies and soda pop companies also don't want people to know that.

00:15:34.000 Do you really think they don't want people to know that? 0.87

00:15:35.000 Or people are just ignorant?

00:15:37.000 I think they don't even have to work hard at not having people know that. 1.00

00:15:41.000 People are just pretty ignorant. 0.99

00:15:42.000 Yeah, I agree with that. 0.98

00:15:44.000 I think there's also, as time goes on, people are just getting more and more Aware of the effect that your body has on your mind.

00:15:52.000 They used to think it was pretty separate.

00:15:54.000 Especially when I was growing up, I think people, often times very intelligent people, would look down upon physical exercise because they thought that physical exercise was a vanity thing.

00:16:06.000 And then you had two schools of thought, or two types of people.

00:16:09.000 You had people that were brain people, that were concentrating on thinking, and they were concerned with the deeper, more intellectual aspects of life. 0.99

00:16:18.000 And then you had people that were more physical people, that were just trying to look good for the gym, pump their biceps up, and go, fuck, and yeah, with my six pack, yeah. 1.00

00:16:29.000 But they were dummies. 1.00

00:16:30.000 Yeah. 0.90

00:16:30.000 I think now people realize that there's a connection between the mind and the body and also there's a discipline aspect to exercise. 0.90

00:16:40.000 Nobody wants to exercise for the most part.

00:16:42.000 You want the results but it's difficult to get yourself to exert energy and that discipline that allows you to exert energy It's hard to muster up and it is a part of your mental makeup.

00:17:00.000 To be able to muster it up, to be able to discipline yourself to work out on a regular basis actually strengthens the mind because it It exercises the discipline.

00:17:10.000 I don't think many people considered that in the past.

00:17:14.000 I don't think they thought of the discipline of, you know, activating your body, like using your mind to activate your body, that you're actually exercising almost like a muscle, like discipline is like a muscle.

00:17:26.000 And I think that a lot of things correlate, you know what I mean?

00:17:29.000 Like, so many people are, like, fat and depressed.

00:17:31.000 Oh, yeah.

00:17:32.000 But, and they're depressed because they're fat, and they're fat because they're not working out, and they're depressed because they're not working out.

00:17:39.000 Yeah.

00:17:40.000 Like, one of the most natural cures for depression is, like, going for a walk.

00:17:46.000 Yeah.

00:17:46.000 Or going for a jog.

00:17:48.000 Just literally, just doing anything other than sitting in one spot.

00:17:51.000 Yeah.

00:17:52.000 Well they've done studies that show that regular exercise is just as effective at treating depression as pills, as SSRIs.

00:17:59.000 Oh yeah, I totally believe that.

00:18:01.000 That's another thing that I noticed back in Ohio.

00:18:04.000 It's like everybody's depressed and they're all just getting these pills and nobody's working out.

00:18:11.000 There's a place for pills.

00:18:12.000 There's a place for those pills.

00:18:14.000 I think some people have a legit imbalance.

00:18:16.000 But I think there's also...

00:18:18.000 Ari Shafir is a perfect example. 0.73

00:18:21.000 Ari used to be on pills. 1.00

00:18:22.000 He was legitimately depressed.

00:18:24.000 Got on pills.

00:18:26.000 Got his life back in order, became a much happier person, then got off the pills.

00:18:32.000 He got his life in track, became much more successful, and now he's just killing it out there in the world, doing fantastic with his stand-up.

00:18:41.000 We were at a club last night, the Comics Lounge in Melbourne.

00:18:45.000 There's all these Ari Shaffir posters on the wall there.

00:18:48.000 He was in town just a little while ago, killing it.

00:18:52.000 And he's just doing great, and now he's happy.

00:18:55.000 Like, he doesn't need it.

00:18:57.000 He also says mushrooms.

00:18:58.000 Mushrooms help him too.

00:18:59.000 Mushrooms help a lot.

00:19:00.000 Anytime I do mushrooms, I come back and feel good for two or three months.

00:19:06.000 Two, three, four months.

00:19:07.000 You should do it every two, three, four months then.

00:19:09.000 I feel good all the time.

00:19:10.000 Probably true.

00:19:11.000 For some reason I don't.

00:19:12.000 I let the thing reload and live that stress.

00:19:15.000 I feel like it almost probably sort of helps.

00:19:17.000 I don't know, but maybe I'm wrong.

00:19:18.000 But I feel like it's like you make the muscles tense and then massage them out rather than just get a massage.

00:19:25.000 But I probably should do them once every four months.

00:19:27.000 When I was young I used to think that like the whole idea of being enlightened, being enlightened or achieving like a more balanced Yeah.

00:20:05.000 It's definitely crossed my mind that, like, well, I do want to do mushrooms to feel better, but I don't want to do mushrooms because I want to be able to connect with that audience that's in the room.

00:20:17.000 And if I'm too far ahead of them...

00:20:22.000 I literally, you know, I think of everything that when it comes to my comedy, I'm always trying to protect it.

00:20:27.000 Yeah, if you're too kumbaya, you might, you know, you might lose your edge. 0.87

00:20:33.000 Because your edge, too, is a lot of, like, you're a great roast writer. 0.99

00:20:38.000 And a lot of roast writing is being fucking mean. 0.98

00:20:41.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:20:42.000 Yeah.

00:20:43.000 And it's hard to do that if you're all kumbaya'd out. 1.00

00:20:48.000 It's true.

00:20:49.000 It's true.

00:20:51.000 But it helps.

00:20:52.000 I mean, it's crazy.

00:20:53.000 Like, my favorite stuff is always the stuff that I write when I come back a week, two, three after those trips to the desert that we take.

00:21:02.000 Yeah. 0.90

00:21:02.000 Yeah, you can write some amazing shit, like, post-psychedelic experiences. 0.90

00:21:07.000 Oh yeah, it clears the gutters, man. 0.99

00:21:09.000 Makes everything flow better.

00:21:13.000 Yeah, I think the writing is...

00:21:15.000 I think there's all sorts of different states that you should write under.

00:21:19.000 I think you should write a little when you're drinking.

00:21:21.000 I think you should write a little sober.

00:21:23.000 You should write a little when you're high off pot.

00:21:24.000 You should write post-psychedelic.

00:21:27.000 Writing while you're on psychedelics is kind of pointless.

00:21:29.000 You could say things into a tape recorder maybe, but sitting down trying to write things down while you're tripping.

00:21:35.000 Yeah, and even then you forget what you felt like when you were taking the note.

00:21:40.000 Yeah.

00:21:41.000 So it's like just a code and you can't really crack it anyway even though the words are there.

00:21:46.000 It's hard to go back to that feeling.

00:21:48.000 Of clarity that sometimes you see.

00:21:50.000 Like, I know for a fact there's been times where I'm out in that desert looking up at the stars and all of a sudden, like, I figure out the trick to everything.

00:21:59.000 You know, that feeling clicks in where it's like, oh! 0.99

00:22:02.000 Oh, shit! 1.00

00:22:03.000 I just did it! 1.00

00:22:04.000 I just beat the game!

00:22:05.000 But then you just, like, can't exactly put your finger on what it was.

00:22:10.000 Because to describe those feelings that happen in words, it's impossible.

00:22:14.000 The words haven't been created yet.

00:22:17.000 To describe what goes on in that zone.

00:22:20.000 Well, describing DMT is like that, right?

00:22:23.000 Describing a DMT experience, you're just spinning your wheels.

00:22:26.000 It's wasting time. 0.96

00:22:27.000 I've read my own descriptions of a DMT trip, and I'm like, please shut up, darling. 1.00

00:22:32.000 It sounds so stupid. 1.00

00:22:34.000 Because the words, they don't exist. 0.99

00:22:37.000 The reference points don't exist. 0.99

00:22:39.000 There's no way you could possibly know what the fuck you're talking about. 0.98

00:22:43.000 You're saying something that... 0.99

00:22:45.000 You're using these noises to describe... 0.99

00:22:48.000 Like you were describing some shit like we were at the airport. 0.98

00:22:51.000 Oh, I should probably say we're not on a plane. 0.99

00:22:55.000 And I said that we were going to do one of these on a plane. 0.87

00:22:57.000 And somewhere along the line, while we were flying, I was like, eh, we'll fucking do it in a hotel room. 0.96

00:23:02.000 Probably be better. 0.97

00:23:04.000 I slept most of the time on the plane.

00:23:06.000 But when we were at the airport, going through that security line, you were talking about the Popats, the guys at the Popats you saw when you were doing DMT. I kind of get that.

00:23:18.000 I kind of see.

00:23:20.000 But if I've never done it and I heard that, I'd be like, what are you talking about?

00:23:24.000 Right.

00:23:25.000 I had no idea. 1.00

00:23:26.000 Oh great, the fucking gongs are back. 0.99

00:23:29.000 Jesus doesn't like us talking about Pope hats. 0.99

00:23:32.000 You bring up Pope hats, the cathedral starts banging their bells.

00:23:37.000 But yeah, no, I remember, I think you said something about fractals or something, or somebody did.

00:23:44.000 Maybe it was somebody that we were with then.

00:23:47.000 I remember hearing that word, and I didn't even know what that really was at the time until...

00:23:55.000 Afterwards like oh yeah fractals like reposition like kaleidoscope like yeah, and that's exactly what It was like a kaleidoscope of Pope.

00:24:07.000 Have you ever seen some of those 3D renditions, like computer renditions of fractals?

00:24:14.000 It's pretty fucking amazing.

00:24:16.000 There's an amazing fractal called the Mandelbrot set, and there's some 3D renditions where they show the closer you get to these various points on this... 0.98

00:24:30.000 This fractal, the more the same patterns repeat themselves.

00:24:34.000 It looks like you're getting close to a small point, but as you get closer, it just reveals a deeper and deeper level and layer of this fractal, where it's infinite.

00:24:46.000 It keeps going on and on and on and on, and as you get closer, it just shows you it's the same thing in a smaller form, and then it goes on and on and on.

00:24:54.000 And that's the impression that you get when you do DMT, that there's this, like, Infinite series of fractals that are going on all around you.

00:25:03.000 There's no end.

00:25:04.000 You can't find an end.

00:25:05.000 The deeper you look, the deeper it goes.

00:25:09.000 That's sort of what they found about the whole universe.

00:25:14.000 They believe that as you look deeper and deeper into life, and you look deeper and deeper into the cellular level, deeper and deeper into the atomic level, Then you get into subatomic particles, and you get into this weird world of space,

00:25:32.000 where it's mostly just empty air, and then there's subatomic particles that are blinking in and out of existence, and then there's things that are...

00:25:41.000 Things that they've observed that are in a superposition, which means they're both moving and still at the same time.

00:25:49.000 As you go deeper and deeper into the subatomic level, things become more and more like magic, more and more like science fiction and craziness.

00:25:59.000 Most of what an atom is is just empty space.

00:26:04.000 They're trying to understand it the deeper and deeper they go with this kind of stuff.

00:26:08.000 Many people have theorized that What we're seeing in the universe itself, like when you look at the universe and you see the empty space that's in the galaxies and space out in the infinite cosmos, that what you're seeing sort of mirrors itself inside our very atoms.

00:26:28.000 Can you imagine if they just kept digging and digging with a microscope and they kept going through everything and through everything and at the very end of it all there was just L. Ron Hubbard's face?

00:26:39.000 I told you!

00:26:40.000 And it was him all along.

00:26:42.000 I am God!

00:26:43.000 God works in mysterious ways!

00:26:46.000 Would you imagine if we got deeper and deeper into the subatomic level and we found universes?

00:26:53.000 That's what would be the ultimate trip.

00:26:55.000 If we got so...

00:26:56.000 Like, if they figured out some way...

00:26:57.000 I mean, if you look at what they could observe today as opposed to what they could observe a few hundred years ago, there's no comparison.

00:27:04.000 They have so many... 0.94

00:27:05.000 So many new, much more sensitive methods of detecting energy and detecting and recognizing structures and atoms and all this different shit. 0.76

00:27:15.000 What if it got to the point where they could detect deeper and deeper and deeper layers?

00:27:21.000 And they actually really did find that inside atomic particles, that as you go deeper and deeper, you can actually find completely independent universes that operate on a scale so minute that we can't even comprehend.

00:27:34.000 But if you could, and you got deeper and deeper into them, you would find little tiny miniature black holes, little miniature galaxies, miniature planets, and the whole thing is fractal.

00:27:44.000 And as you went into them, they believed that inside every black hole, they think that every galaxy There's a supermassive black hole at the center of that galaxy.

00:27:55.000 And that supermassive black hole is one half of one percent of the mass of the entire galaxy.

00:28:01.000 So the larger the galaxy, the larger the black hole is.

00:28:05.000 And they theorize that if you go into that black hole, you will find another universe.

00:28:11.000 So each galaxy has a black hole in it.

00:28:15.000 Inside each black hole is a totally different universe filled with hundreds of billions of galaxies, each with black holes in the center of them.

00:28:23.000 Each one of them has hundreds of billions of galaxies inside of it.

00:28:28.000 If you go through that, there's more universes, more black holes, and that's the real fractal nature of the universe, that every time you hit a galaxy, which is, in our mind, we can't even imagine how big a galaxy really is.

00:28:42.000 Generations from now, what it feels like is like generations...

00:28:46.000 Tens and tens, maybe a hundred generations from now, they're going to be flying through these things in little machines.

00:28:53.000 We can't fathom it now, but we're like the pirates that were coming over here on wooden ships compared to what generations, and I'm talking a lot of generations ahead of us, they're going to be flying through it.

00:29:03.000 There's going to be sports, race from one black hole to the other. 0.98

00:29:07.000 Like, I mean, we are in the wrong age.

00:29:10.000 We were born too early.

00:29:11.000 No, no, we're born perfect.

00:29:13.000 This is a great time.

00:29:14.000 This is a great time.

00:29:15.000 In the future, there'll be no need for comedy.

00:29:18.000 Everybody's going to be reading minds. 1.00

00:29:20.000 We'll be fucked. 1.00

00:29:21.000 They'll all be enlightened. 1.00

00:29:23.000 There'll be no hypocrisies, no contradiction.

00:29:26.000 So comedy won't exist. 0.99

00:29:29.000 If we achieve a new state of enlightenment where humor is out the window, we would be fucked. 0.96

00:29:35.000 We're reaping the benefits of an unenlightened public. 0.96

00:29:39.000 That's what stand-up is doing. 0.99

00:29:41.000 We're pointing out shit that everybody should be able to see. 0.98

00:29:44.000 We're pointing out things that everybody should know. 1.00

00:29:46.000 And then we're mocking things that exist that are ridiculous.

00:29:49.000 Well, if people evolve past the state they are now, if you look at...

00:29:59.000 Primate behavior, you look at the savagery of nature, when just tooth and claw and animals just struggling to survive, and then you look at the more civilized nature of our culture today, the best aspects,

00:30:14.000 when everything is working at its smoothest, usually in small groups, but in small groups and small communities, you can find some pretty peaceful existences, you know?

00:30:25.000 That will ultimately be the whole world, and then it'll get more and more peaceful, more and more civilized, more and more adapted, more cultured, more connected, more enlightened, to the point where mocking things won't exist anymore.

00:30:40.000 There'll be nothing to mock.

00:30:41.000 People will be so advanced mentally that there will be no more of a need for comedy.

00:30:46.000 So I think right now for you and I, this is a perfect time. 0.99

00:30:50.000 If we were in the future and everything was all perfect and enlightened, we'd be fucked. 0.98

00:30:54.000 And it wouldn't be fun, you know? 1.00

00:30:56.000 We're in this golden stage where there's just enough retarded shit. 1.00

00:31:03.000 Like this Paris thing. 0.99

00:31:04.000 There's just enough chaos in the world where it makes you appreciate all the cool aspects of the world.

00:31:13.000 Like if everything was cool, I don't think we'd appreciate the cool parts as much.

00:31:18.000 You think there's a way to combat these terrorist attacks?

00:31:22.000 It seems like if you draw Muhammad, that they get really upset, right? 1.00

00:31:27.000 That that's their big, like, oh no, don't do that thing.

00:31:30.000 So, I don't know, I'm just pitching here.

00:31:32.000 What if every time they did something like this, as a defense mechanism, CNN just put out the Muhammad cartoon.

00:31:42.000 They called in South Park South Park's guys and we're like, guys, let's do this. 0.95

00:31:48.000 Let's bring in our nuclear warfare and you make a hilarious Mohammed thing of him just getting whatever, you know, butt raped or whatever. 0.98

00:31:58.000 Like, I don't know. 0.99

00:32:01.000 Like something crazy.

00:32:03.000 Do you really think that would fix it?

00:32:04.000 Mocking it?

00:32:05.000 If, as a defensive mechanism, if they kill people. 0.99

00:32:09.000 That's the only way. 0.98

00:32:10.000 Listen, terrorists, it's me, Prime Minister Tony Hinchcliffe. 0.99

00:32:14.000 From now on, if you do an attack, if somebody said this, if you do an attack and you kill innocent people... 0.96

00:32:21.000 Every innocent person that you kill, that's going to be another two minutes, or another five minutes, of the Muhammad cartoon. 0.99

00:32:29.000 That might be one of the dumbest ideas I've ever heard. 0.99

00:32:31.000 They hate the Muhammad thing! 0.99

00:32:32.000 Yeah, but don't you think there's a big difference between killing people and drawing cartoons?

00:32:36.000 Like, what is worse?

00:32:38.000 These terrorists don't seem to think so though, right?

00:32:41.000 They're not killing all these people in Paris because of a cartoon.

00:32:44.000 They killed a few people that were doing those Charlie Hebdo cartoons.

00:32:47.000 Yeah.

00:32:48.000 I think the real problem is when people get their mind...

00:32:52.000 In a pattern.

00:32:53.000 You get your mind into some sort of a radical ideology like Islam or radical Islam.

00:32:58.000 It's super difficult to get people out of that radical ideology.

00:33:02.000 It's very, very difficult.

00:33:04.000 Very difficult to get them to rethink, to change these patterns in their mind where they go, yeah, actually, it doesn't make any sense to just go to some random death battle concert and gun people down and yell,

00:33:19.000 God is great.

00:33:20.000 Yeah, it doesn't make sense.

00:33:21.000 That's crazy.

00:33:21.000 That's chaos.

00:33:43.000 Right. 0.94

00:33:44.000 To get back at the infidels and attack this evil empire that's invading countries or supporting this or whatever crazy... 1.00

00:33:56.000 War is going on in the world as far as the ideologies, as far as invading certain holy lands.

00:34:04.000 Like what ISIS is doing.

00:34:06.000 They're blowing up old monuments. 0.99

00:34:08.000 There's so much crazy shit that's going on in the world that's related to radical ideologies. 1.00

00:34:13.000 You'd have to figure out how to rewire their brains. 0.99

00:34:17.000 Can I tell you another thing I think we should do? 0.95

00:34:19.000 I think we should take guys on death row and put bombs on them and have them go into the places with the terrorists. 0.93

00:34:32.000 You might be the worst foreign policy advisor ever. 1.00

00:34:37.000 I want to sit you down with all these five-star generals that are in these fucking smoky rooms plotting the future. 0.99

00:34:43.000 What do you want to do? 0.99

00:34:44.000 Well, I want to take Jared from Subway, strap bombs to him, and send him over to...

00:34:52.000 Well, why would he do that?

00:34:53.000 I didn't think of that.

00:34:55.000 Well, why would Jared keep walking?

00:34:57.000 Why would he detonate?

00:34:59.000 Is he going to know he's going to blow up?

00:35:00.000 He's not going to tell them?

00:35:02.000 Alright, maybe we put them in, we take these guys and we put them in cars that are on remote controls.

00:35:10.000 Google cars.

00:35:11.000 Drones, yeah.

00:35:12.000 Yeah, there you go.

00:35:13.000 They just killed that jihadi John guy.

00:35:16.000 They killed that guy with a drone.

00:35:18.000 He's that guy that was a rapper.

00:35:20.000 He was a rapper in England, and he joined ISIS. And he's been killing people and beheading them, allegedly. 0.97

00:35:26.000 You know, there's the black helicopter squad that believe that this is all bullshit. 1.00

00:35:30.000 There was a rapper in ISIS? Yeah. 1.00

00:35:32.000 Vanilla ISIS? Oh, jeez.

00:35:35.000 Son of a bitch. 1.00

00:35:37.000 That's the thing that I'll end up getting death threats for out of this. 1.00

00:35:39.000 You can't help yourself with that, can you?

00:35:41.000 No.

00:35:42.000 With puns?

00:35:42.000 No, when I hear a funny word and it's a right setup and I think there's just one chance for it.

00:35:47.000 The funny thing is I never do them on, like I'm known for them, but I never do them on stage.

00:35:52.000 With my stand-up, like, I would never do that.

00:35:55.000 But I love making them in person.

00:35:57.000 I just love comedy, you know what I mean?

00:35:59.000 I'm terrible at impressions, but, God, they crack me up.

00:36:03.000 Like, there's nothing that I don't love about comedy. 0.98

00:36:08.000 And a lot of comedians are like, oh, fuck, a pun, you know, I hate puns, but it's like... 0.98

00:36:13.000 You like puns, even though you don't use them on stage. 0.99

00:36:15.000 Right.

00:36:15.000 You like it, it's like...

00:36:16.000 And I think everybody does.

00:36:18.000 I think there's a war on puns right now.

00:36:21.000 Because...

00:36:23.000 A war on puns.

00:36:25.000 Because everybody wants to complain about puns, but it's like, everybody laughs so hard.

00:36:30.000 Like, a good pun hits harder than almost anything.

00:36:34.000 I laugh at puns. 0.99

00:36:35.000 I laugh at your puns, because they're so ridiculous. 0.99

00:36:37.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:36:37.000 But it's almost like a reluctant laugh, like, oh, you son of a bitch. 1.00

00:36:40.000 Yeah, but sometimes they're like, you know, Jedi puns, you know what I mean? 0.99

00:36:44.000 That are just like, how the... 0.99

00:36:45.000 Fuck, did you think of that that quick? 1.00

00:36:47.000 Well, you, like, take pride in grabbing them as quickly as they can. 1.00

00:36:51.000 Like, the puns come out of the event.

00:36:53.000 Yeah.

00:36:54.000 And you just grasp them as quick as you can.

00:36:56.000 Right.

00:36:56.000 My brain does not think in puns at all.

00:36:59.000 It's definitely a different muscle.

00:37:00.000 Like, it's hard for me to think of a pun and be intellectual at the same time.

00:37:05.000 Like, it's definitely, like...

00:37:07.000 It's like that thing where, like, rubbing your head and your stomach at the same time but going different directions, you know?

00:37:12.000 Yeah.

00:37:12.000 People can't do it.

00:37:13.000 Because I have...

00:37:14.000 I have...

00:37:15.000 I've noticed that, because you have to listen to do that thing, and you sort of have to be ADD at the same time to do a pun.

00:37:28.000 Since this isn't a video podcast, I'll tell you, Joe's trying to do the hand on the head.

00:37:33.000 I did it, though.

00:37:34.000 I'm rubbing my head in two different directions, and my stomach in two different directions.

00:37:38.000 I go back and forth and back and forth.

00:37:40.000 Yeah.

00:37:42.000 Yeah, it's a different muscle.

00:37:44.000 The pun muscle is definitely a different muscle.

00:37:45.000 But it's also a different comedic instinct.

00:37:48.000 We were talking about guys who get trapped in certain patterns of comedy.

00:37:53.000 You get trapped in an act.

00:37:55.000 All you do is this style of comedy. 0.93

00:37:58.000 And then when you have that sort of trap, it kind of fucked you up. 0.77

00:38:05.000 We were talking about guys who are like... 0.74

00:38:07.000 Only do, like, evil type comedy, or they only do this type comedy.

00:38:14.000 They only have, like, they have an act they do where it's a persona they adopt.

00:38:19.000 Right.

00:38:19.000 Like a Larry the Cable guy or an Emo Phillips or something like that.

00:38:22.000 Or, like, a one-liner guy.

00:38:24.000 Yeah.

00:38:24.000 That goes slow.

00:38:25.000 Yeah.

00:38:26.000 And that you get stuck.

00:38:28.000 Right.

00:38:30.000 When it's done right, it's awesome.

00:38:32.000 Like a Stephen Wright or someone like that.

00:38:35.000 You know the best one ever, I think, was Mitch.

00:38:39.000 Hedberg was the best.

00:38:40.000 Because he was so prolific.

00:38:42.000 His mind worked in that way.

00:38:45.000 His style of comedy worked in these non-sequitur, one-liners, where he could just, one after another, have these totally unrelated things.

00:38:56.000 Unbelievable.

00:38:57.000 You know, I was thinking of him.

00:38:58.000 I just told you about that Amy Winehouse documentary that blew my mind to shreds.

00:39:03.000 And I was thinking about him doing it because...

00:39:08.000 Heroin.

00:39:08.000 Heroin, and the art that Amy Wine, she was always very genuine, like a real artist, and always wrote only her own stuff, and you can tell through her work.

00:39:19.000 It was really actually amazing, and they show you through this documentary.

00:39:22.000 And then something happens.

00:39:24.000 She was always a heavy drinker, always quite the party, or like a rock star, you know what I mean?

00:39:28.000 But then when she started doing heroin, because this guy that she was with was into heroin, the lyrics and the songs...

00:39:35.000 We're a whole other level.

00:39:37.000 I mean, we've seen it a bunch of times, but I mean, it really went to another level.

00:39:41.000 And it made me think of Mitch Hedberg because...

00:39:45.000 There's something with that drug, or, I mean, I'm not taking anything away from Mitch, because he's the one that did it, but it just can't be coincidence that these people on heroin are able to tap into some super, super mechanism.

00:40:00.000 Yeah.

00:40:00.000 Because who would have guessed that anybody would come out better than Stephen Wright at that thing?

00:40:05.000 Like, you watch Stephen Wright, and ten minutes in, I'm like, how is he going to fill an hour with this?

00:40:11.000 Right.

00:40:11.000 It seems impossible.

00:40:12.000 Right.

00:40:13.000 And then I agree with you completely that Mitch came in over the top.

00:40:16.000 And how's that possible?

00:40:18.000 How could Mitch Hedberg not just see Stephen Wright and go, well, I gotta figure out something different to do, because there's no way I'm gonna be able to do that better than that guy.

00:40:27.000 I mean, Stephen Wright was the man.

00:40:29.000 But my goodness, if he didn't do it, and there's something about those jokes, if you just look at them just written out, like, sometimes I'll see, like, a meme with Mitch Hedberg on it, and I'll end up staring at that.

00:40:39.000 And I'm not a meme guy at all, but I'll end up staring at that little tiny thing, which were all the original tweets, by the way.

00:40:46.000 Mitch Hedberg was the original Twitter guy.

00:40:49.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:40:51.000 Like, think of that banana joke that I love so much.

00:40:53.000 Which one's that?

00:40:55.000 It goes...

00:40:56.000 Somebody asked me if I want a frozen banana.

00:40:58.000 I said no, but I want a regular banana later, so yes. 0.94

00:41:06.000 It's a perfect Twitter joke, and it's so ridiculous.

00:41:10.000 It's also a joke that if you looked at it on paper, maybe it wouldn't be a good Twitter joke unless you knew Mitch Hedberg's voice. 0.59

00:41:17.000 Maybe then it would be a good Twitter joke because you knew how he does jokes.

00:41:20.000 I still think it'd be great on Twitter, but that is another thing.

00:41:24.000 You have a great point there.

00:41:25.000 When you factor in his timing and beats, which also, I think, plays into the heroin thing.

00:41:30.000 You look at all the rock stars and all that, and...

00:41:34.000 Most of them seeming more like...

00:41:37.000 I feel like it's more of an acoustic type of drug, if that makes sense.

00:41:41.000 More like Nirvana and Winehouse, who was very jazzy.

00:41:45.000 There's types of tones.

00:41:47.000 And I just feel like there's a direct crossover.

00:41:49.000 I feel like Hedberg really was like...

00:41:52.000 God, was he dialed in.

00:41:53.000 Because that voice and that timing...

00:41:55.000 Really timing and pacing is the trick.

00:41:58.000 He could have had any accent and any voice, but...

00:42:01.000 When you decide to start that next line after a period in between spaces is so important in comedy.

00:42:10.000 I think people really don't know that.

00:42:12.000 I think they think that you could say a joke in any way, but it's really like...

00:42:18.000 There's just guys...

00:42:19.000 Look at Joey Diaz and Sebastian Maniscalco.

00:42:22.000 I mean, everybody, really.

00:42:23.000 It's all down to timing.

00:42:25.000 But sometimes you can really see it.

00:42:26.000 Well, I think what you're saying is that they find their voice.

00:42:30.000 They find their rhythm.

00:42:31.000 And then their comedy... 0.95

00:42:33.000 Even though maybe you and I would look at it on paper, the premise on paper, and go, how is that fucking funny?

00:42:39.000 But Sebastian has such a way with being Sebastian that he makes things that...

00:42:46.000 It's hard to figure out what is the ungraspable quality of what he's talking about that's uniquely funny in his voice.

00:42:55.000 You find that, whatever it is.

00:42:58.000 That's through practice, too.

00:43:01.000 Since we're talking about the on-paper thing, you said the Hedberg thing. 0.97

00:43:05.000 And, like, that's pretty funny on paper, but now if you really, like, broke down, like, if you were reading a Joey Diaz, like, on paper, what's up, you cocksuckers? 0.99

00:43:16.000 You gotta eat the yolk! 0.99

00:43:18.000 You can't eat the whites!

00:43:20.000 Eat the yolk, you cannot eat the whites.

00:43:23.000 Like, it's like, it wouldn't make, it wouldn't be funny at all on paper, but you give him the, you gotta, you...

00:43:30.000 You know what I mean?

00:43:31.000 It's just so passionate and it's all timing there.

00:43:34.000 So when there is a something on paper, when he does hit one of those written things, it's just boom.

00:43:41.000 Isn't that also a weird thing about comedy?

00:43:42.000 You gotta figure out what is funny.

00:43:45.000 In your mind.

00:43:47.000 How is it funny through your voice?

00:43:50.000 And the only way you figure that out is by doing comedy over and over and over and over and over again.

00:43:56.000 You've got to get to this point where it kind of makes sense to you.

00:44:00.000 You figure out how to do it.

00:44:02.000 That's so hard to figure.

00:44:06.000 You could never look at a guy like Mitch Hedberg before he ever did stand-up.

00:44:10.000 And go, I know what you should do.

00:44:13.000 You'll never get it.

00:44:16.000 It's not like anything else. 0.95

00:44:19.000 It has to be this unique combination of his personality, his insight, his timing, his experience on stage, and his willingness to sit down and write shit out as much as possible. 0.84

00:44:31.000 His act is all writing. 0.98

00:44:33.000 It's all writing.

00:44:34.000 Whereas, like, a guy like Sebastian, it's all performing.

00:44:39.000 It's all things, you know, both very funny, but it's figuring out what it is about the way you're sitting around looking at the world.

00:44:48.000 How is it funny coming out of your head?

00:44:52.000 Yeah, it's interesting.

00:44:53.000 The more and more that I do this, the more and more that I do stand-up, and it's been, in May, it'll be nine years, and The more and more that I do it, the more and more that my newest material, my most recent stuff, is always the best stuff.

00:45:08.000 And I'm writing...

00:45:09.000 I'm not writing as much.

00:45:13.000 As I was years ago, because I'm just writing more good stuff, if that makes sense.

00:45:18.000 I'm writing less extra stuff, and I guess I'm writing the same amount of stuff, but I'm having more good stuff because I'm writing more in that voice.

00:45:28.000 I'm starting to figure out what that is.

00:45:31.000 Even down to the physicalities, for example, that I do, because I barely move on stage.

00:45:36.000 I'm pretty stabilized and sort of...

00:45:39.000 Pretty stationary, right?

00:45:41.000 Yeah, very stationary.

00:45:42.000 Sometimes I'll tuck my arm behind my back.

00:45:44.000 Maybe I'll switch my shoulder levels to the left, to the right, to the middle.

00:45:48.000 I'll move that around a little bit.

00:45:50.000 But I'm very stationary, unordinarily stationary, I feel like.

00:45:55.000 And however, you know, one of the things that I do is sometimes I'll rattle off things and I'll count on my fingers and I'll point some way.

00:46:02.000 Just nothing too crazy, but little things.

00:46:05.000 And those are always, you know, when I use that divisively, It has to work.

00:46:10.000 So I have their brain sort of trained now.

00:46:13.000 And it's just something that happened naturally.

00:46:16.000 Because I don't really talk with my hands a lot and stuff.

00:46:18.000 But when I do talk with my hands, I want it to be like thunder, you know what I mean?

00:46:23.000 Have you ever noticed that Joey never takes the mic out of the stand?

00:46:25.000 It's amazing.

00:46:26.000 He puts the mic in the stand.

00:46:28.000 He leaves it in the stand.

00:46:29.000 And I think part of that is he wants both of his hands free.

00:46:32.000 Because he talks with his hands so much.

00:46:33.000 Yeah.

00:46:34.000 He doesn't want to be trapped holding that microphone.

00:46:37.000 Yeah.

00:46:37.000 And his physical stuff, like, involves the mic stand.

00:46:41.000 Like, he'll hang on to the mic stand during his physical stuff.

00:46:44.000 Yeah, I love it.

00:46:45.000 And when he lifts it up and slams it down real quick, it's just like, you know he's killing it.

00:46:50.000 He's kind of always done that, too.

00:46:52.000 He's always, for the longest time at least, not taking the mic out of the stand.

00:46:56.000 Yeah.

00:46:57.000 I always have respected that tremendously.

00:47:01.000 I always take the mic out of the stand, but I love, love, love the fact that, you know, that it's possible to just have that kind of...

00:47:11.000 Did Rodney take the mic out of the stand?

00:47:13.000 I don't think so.

00:47:15.000 No, I can't picture him holding a microphone.

00:47:19.000 Huh.

00:47:21.000 I kind of see a similarity there.

00:47:24.000 Using the hands.

00:47:26.000 Joey did.

00:47:28.000 But everybody else does.

00:47:30.000 You do.

00:47:30.000 You take it out of the stand.

00:47:31.000 I do.

00:47:31.000 Ari does.

00:47:32.000 Duncan does.

00:47:33.000 We all have our own way.

00:47:36.000 If I had to do a whole set with the mic in the stand, I'd feel so weird.

00:47:42.000 I always think it's weird.

00:47:44.000 I didn't notice this until recently, but a lot of those late night sets, they don't have a microphone or mic stand.

00:47:52.000 Have you ever done any of those?

00:47:54.000 No.

00:47:54.000 Had to go no hands?

00:47:55.000 I don't think so.

00:47:56.000 Maybe I have.

00:47:57.000 You keep the mic in the mic stand.

00:47:59.000 Or no.

00:48:01.000 I take it out, but I'm trying to think, have I ever done that?

00:48:04.000 Have I ever done a late night show where I didn't use a mic?

00:48:09.000 I don't know.

00:48:10.000 If I did, it was so long ago.

00:48:15.000 I don't know what I'd do.

00:48:16.000 I mean, what am I going to do?

00:48:17.000 Stand there with my hands on my hips and arms crossed?

00:48:20.000 You can't do that.

00:48:21.000 Like, oh, hello everybody.

00:48:23.000 Yeah, well also you can't modulate your voice.

00:48:26.000 In the microphone the way you can when you're holding a microphone or if it's in the stand.

00:48:33.000 Like you can talk closer to it to get louder.

00:48:37.000 You pull away to get softer.

00:48:39.000 You can modulate.

00:48:41.000 You can change it and adjust it on the fly.

00:48:44.000 Yeah.

00:48:45.000 Did you ever see Chris Titus?

00:48:48.000 I don't know if he still does it, but he has one of them Bobby Brown setups where he's like a teleconferencer.

00:48:55.000 It's a little microphone that comes, he's got a headset, and the microphone comes down to the corner of his mouth and he talks like that. 0.99

00:49:03.000 That shit creeps me out. 0.99

00:49:04.000 That's a weird choice. 1.00

00:49:06.000 Yeah.

00:49:06.000 It's a weird choice for a comedy club.

00:49:08.000 I mean, why would you want to have the same headset as like a...

00:49:19.000 Well, his thing is different.

00:49:22.000 His style of comedy is different.

00:49:24.000 His style of comedy is more like a performance piece.

00:49:29.000 I asked him how he writes, and he writes all of it out before he ever does it.

00:49:35.000 He has a theme.

00:49:37.000 Like, this is his theme, and he writes his whole set.

00:49:41.000 He writes this theme out, and then he performs at almost like a one-man show, more than like a stand-up comedy show.

00:49:47.000 And maybe having one of those headsets makes people feel like they're at a different sort of thing.

00:49:52.000 Like, oh, he doesn't even have a microphone in his hand like a regular comedian.

00:49:55.000 He's got this whole thing where he's got a little headset on with a loop that comes down by his face, and I see that little loop, and oh, and it might maybe...

00:50:05.000 It kind of puts you in a different mindset as a person watching it.

00:50:08.000 I'm watching a theatrical presentation as much as I'm watching stand-up.

00:50:13.000 Yeah.

00:50:13.000 I know that when I see that headset to grab the remote and change the channel.

00:50:18.000 That's what the headset tells me psychologically.

00:50:21.000 What do you think?

00:50:22.000 Do you think pretentious?

00:50:24.000 Oh yeah, totally.

00:50:27.000 Who's trying to reinvent?

00:50:30.000 I think there's something so cool about taking the mic out of the mic stand the same way Eddie Murphy did in Raw and Richard Pryor live on the Sunset Strip and all that stuff.

00:50:40.000 That's the magic.

00:50:42.000 That's what's amazing.

00:50:43.000 That mic and that mic stand is all we need.

00:50:45.000 That stool, that is it.

00:50:47.000 That is it.

00:50:48.000 Maybe there's a bottle of water out there.

00:50:50.000 Maybe there's a towel. 0.90

00:50:51.000 Maybe there's...

00:50:52.000 It's about it.

00:50:53.000 And that's it.

00:50:54.000 And that's what I love about it.

00:50:55.000 You take that away, then you have the same stage that's there in the middle of the day.

00:50:59.000 When no crowd's there, there's no magic.

00:51:02.000 I always love that feel, that vibe.

00:51:04.000 I even like sound checks.

00:51:05.000 Sound checks give me the chills.

00:51:07.000 When there's nobody out there and you just see the mic in the mic stand that's going to be used that night.

00:51:11.000 Like that instrument of death just standing there.

00:51:14.000 But an empty stage is sort of just sad to me.

00:51:17.000 I mean, what, then he just has the stool or something?

00:51:20.000 Like, I don't even know.

00:51:22.000 I'm not into that.

00:51:23.000 He seems like the kind of guy that would have, like, wacky backgrounds, too, in his specials.

00:51:30.000 Like, maybe his name in giant block letters.

00:51:33.000 Right, and, like, memories from his childhood are back there and stuff.

00:51:36.000 Oh, no.

00:51:37.000 Like, kid pictures.

00:51:38.000 Oh, no.

00:51:39.000 Oh, no.

00:51:41.000 And then he moves over towards that section where he's talking about certain things.

00:51:45.000 Well, when you have that headset on, I expect you to be giving some sort of a motivational Anthony Robbins type speech.

00:51:51.000 How do I invigorate my staff?

00:51:54.000 How do I get my employees as enthusiastic as I am?

00:51:58.000 Well, that's a good question.

00:51:59.000 And he's pacing back and forth.

00:52:03.000 Yeah.

00:52:03.000 I don't know anything about Christopher Titus.

00:52:07.000 That's what's crazy.

00:52:08.000 I've made friends with so many comedians and worked with so many people and met and this and that.

00:52:13.000 I don't know anything about him.

00:52:15.000 And I attribute a lot of that to the headset style that he has.

00:52:18.000 I think we come from two totally different sides of the spectrum.

00:52:21.000 I'm just guessing.

00:52:22.000 I don't even know what he talks about or anything about him, but I'm guessing him and I are two different schools.

00:52:29.000 I don't know.

00:52:29.000 You'd probably have to go see him.

00:52:30.000 I haven't seen him live in a long fucking time. 0.96

00:52:33.000 I feel like Gallagher used one of those, right? 0.98

00:52:35.000 I think so.

00:52:36.000 Yeah.

00:52:37.000 Yeah, he had to. 1.00

00:52:37.000 He's smashing shit with a watermelon. 1.00

00:52:39.000 With a hammer, rather. 0.99

00:52:40.000 If you're using that giant sledgehammer, you have two hands and a sledgehammer, you have to have a headset.

00:52:45.000 Right?

00:52:46.000 Yeah.

00:52:46.000 I wonder if he had wires.

00:52:48.000 Because when he was doing it, man...

00:52:51.000 Dean Del Rey was telling me about the guy who invented the wireless headset or the guy who invented the wireless microphone.

00:52:57.000 He had him on his podcast and Dean knows the guy and apparently it took the guy like a decade or more to figure out how to do it right.

00:53:06.000 Things still almost never work.

00:53:09.000 I think you should still get back to the drawing board on it. 1.00

00:53:13.000 Because that shit always gives out. 1.00

00:53:15.000 I hate wireless mics. 1.00

00:53:16.000 They're just not as much fun as ones with cords.

00:53:19.000 They work pretty flawless.

00:53:21.000 I had to do one today.

00:53:22.000 I used one today at the Wayans.

00:53:23.000 That was a wireless mic.

00:53:25.000 Yeah.

00:53:25.000 Yeah, but that's a big, big top, you're at the top level of production there.

00:53:31.000 And plus that mic, they have enough battery in that thing, and the thing you did wasn't that long, you know what I mean?

00:53:37.000 Right, right, right.

00:53:38.000 They have that all juiced up with a double backup, and a pipe, they have one shot at it.

00:53:43.000 Everything else.

00:53:44.000 They changed the battery.

00:53:44.000 When we're doing a six-hour show, they changed my battery for my battery pack because I have a wireless battery pack.

00:53:51.000 I have a wireless mic that is in my ear.

00:53:54.000 So when I am going into the Octagon, I have a backup, like a battery that's in the microphone.

00:54:05.000 And I also have batteries that are in The receiver, where there's an earpiece.

00:54:11.000 So the production can talk into my ear.

00:54:14.000 They'll say things like, we have a replay for you.

00:54:18.000 If you want to go to that, let us know.

00:54:20.000 Or we'll follow your lead.

00:54:22.000 They'll say things like that.

00:54:23.000 Maybe I'm talking to someone about something particularly interesting that happened during the fight.

00:54:27.000 And they'll tell me, we're about to show it.

00:54:30.000 Or, a lot of times, fighters are rambling. 0.98

00:54:33.000 About their sponsors, thanking Allah or fucking Moses or whatever. 1.00

00:54:38.000 They'll say to cut them off, cut them off, cut them off, cut them off. 1.00

00:54:41.000 Which I can only do so much.

00:54:43.000 But those batteries, they change those batteries at least once during the course of the UFC. They put a fresh one in the beginning and then change it halfway through.

00:54:52.000 There's just simply never as many problems with wires as there are with wireless.

00:54:56.000 Yeah.

00:54:57.000 Except the Comedy Store, the microphone the other day, the wire was falling out at the bottom.

00:55:03.000 The Comedy Store, once every few months that happens.

00:55:06.000 So many comedians are dropping the mic and trying to use it as a prop.

00:55:11.000 It's craziness there.

00:55:13.000 People are so desperate.

00:55:18.000 Well, it's also that mic gets used by all the open micers doing potluck, too.

00:55:23.000 So it gets used by, you know, 20 people that have maybe never even held a mic before every Monday.

00:55:30.000 What were you saying, though, about the guy that invented the wireless mic?

00:55:33.000 Oh, Dean Del Rey had him on his podcast. 0.85

00:55:35.000 And Dean was explaining to me how long this guy worked to develop that and how fucking rich this guy is now. 0.66

00:55:41.000 This guy owns like the most expensive house in San Francisco. 0.76

00:55:44.000 He has some crazy castle that he built just from the money that he made from the wireless mic.

00:55:51.000 I will let Dean explain it.

00:55:54.000 I wish I could remember.

00:55:55.000 If you just Google Dean Del Rey's Let There Be Rock or Let There Be Talk, that's his podcast, right?

00:56:02.000 He's got an episode somewhere in there where he talks to the guy who invented the wireless mic and the guy explains it.

00:56:10.000 But what a freakout that is.

00:56:12.000 The guy figured out how to make a frequency that you can tune into in a building.

00:56:17.000 I think you said the Rolling Stones were the first ones to use it.

00:56:20.000 But then once they started using it, everybody wanted to use it.

00:56:23.000 Like, wait, what?

00:56:24.000 Like, the guitar is not connected to wires? 0.99

00:56:26.000 What the fuck? 0.99

00:56:28.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:56:28.000 You know, and then they have to have a different frequency, obviously, for the guitar than they do for the other shit that's going on. 1.00

00:56:34.000 Wow.

00:56:34.000 A few different frequencies that are floating around the air, like radio signals.

00:56:39.000 I like the wires, man.

00:56:40.000 I think it gives us a feeling of stability and connection and...

00:56:46.000 I don't know.

00:56:46.000 There's something about losing the particles of art in the air that just seems risky to me.

00:56:54.000 It really does.

00:56:55.000 Like, I mean, there's just so few problems with the wired mic.

00:57:01.000 You know, there's that on-off switch, and there's a button there, and sometimes when you're performing, you feel it against your thumb.

00:57:07.000 You're like, whoa, that's close, and you gotta, like, turn it.

00:57:09.000 That's, like, one more problem that we need up there.

00:57:11.000 Yeah.

00:57:12.000 That is just, like, a little, you know...

00:57:15.000 And sometimes it is off, by the way, because I go out there first sometimes, and every once in a while, there's nothing crazier than you on this side mic going... 0.99

00:57:23.000 Melbourne, what the fuck is up? 0.99

00:57:25.000 And the place just goes, yeah! 0.99

00:57:27.000 And you bring me up, the golden pony, Tony Hinchcliffe, and I walk up, and it's like a 15-20 second walk to the mic sometimes in these big venues, and you grab the mic, and you're like, what's up, Melbourne?

00:57:41.000 And you realize that the power's not on, and then you have to hit the button.

00:57:45.000 Dude, it happens like 5 or 10% of the time.

00:57:48.000 Ugh.

00:57:49.000 I don't make a deal about it or complain about it, but when there's a wireless mic, five to ten percent of the time, that's the ratio I'm giving for this, there's a problem.

00:57:58.000 Normally they're not turned on in the beginning.

00:58:00.000 It's like the easiest thing that everybody forgets to do.

00:58:03.000 And then I'm stuck.

00:58:04.000 I know how to turn all those on, by the way, from that.

00:58:07.000 I never owned one of these mics or took a class.

00:58:10.000 You end up finding out where every button is on every mic.

00:58:13.000 Yeah.

00:58:15.000 With three, four, five thousand people watching and they don't even realize.

00:58:19.000 They're like, oh, he's taking his time saying hello to us.

00:58:22.000 It's like, no, I already tried.

00:58:25.000 Well, they used to be the old ones had the antennas in the bottom, and if you got too close to the antenna, it would cut off.

00:58:30.000 Like, if you'd hold it too close to the bottom, they'd tell me, even in the early days of the UFC, when I would do post-fight interviews, don't grab the bottom of the mic.

00:58:38.000 You had to grab, like, or towards the top.

00:58:41.000 And I would grab it, like, with my index finger and my thumb and sort of let my other fingers relax so that I wouldn't want to grip it too tight at the bottom because I worried that it would cut off the signal somehow.

00:58:53.000 If you grab it low, like a fighter sometimes, they would take the mic from me or they would hold onto the mic as well and they would touch the bottom of it and it would cut off the signal.

00:59:03.000 Yeah, they're more problematic.

00:59:06.000 You could use cords too.

00:59:07.000 Use them as props, as part of the cord. 0.96

00:59:11.000 I had a bit that I used to do about having a girl jerk you off. 1.00

00:59:15.000 It's like trying to brush her teeth with your left hand. 1.00

00:59:17.000 They don't have the type of coordination that's developed over years and years of jerking off. 0.85

00:59:24.000 Like when a girl says, I'll just do it with my hand. 1.00

00:59:27.000 What would make you think That you could possibly be as good at that as me.

00:59:31.000 And I would do this bit where I would hold the cord with my left hand and I'd be jerking it off like a girl with a tired arm. 0.99

00:59:38.000 Like, oh my god, I have to switch hands.

00:59:40.000 And I needed the cord.

00:59:41.000 If I didn't have the cord, it wouldn't work as well.

00:59:45.000 If I needed a physical thing in my hand that I was tugging on that made more sense, then if I was doing it in the air, the bit would be like 10% less effective.

00:59:53.000 And plus, I feel like there's just something fun, especially when we're doing big theaters and big stages.

00:59:59.000 There's something fun about that whip, you know what I mean?

01:00:01.000 Just getting it out of the way.

01:00:03.000 I think it sort of tells the audience, I'm going to get this out of the way because I have stuff to do.

01:00:07.000 I have stuff to share with you.

01:00:09.000 You know what I mean? 0.98

01:00:09.000 Like, get this shit, and like, moving it. 0.98

01:00:11.000 I feel like that's all sort of like training the audience to sort of be like, oh, he knows what he's doing. 0.99

01:00:17.000 You know what I mean?

01:00:17.000 Like, he's getting that out of the way.

01:00:19.000 Something's about to happen.

01:00:20.000 Like, I don't know.

01:00:20.000 I feel like there's something.

01:00:22.000 I'm just pro-chord all the way.

01:00:24.000 How many clubs have you performed at in New York City?

01:00:29.000 Pretty much all of them.

01:00:31.000 Have you ever noticed that like a lot of the clubs in New York in particular, they have really small stages.

01:00:37.000 Really small.

01:00:38.000 The craziest was Caroline's.

01:00:40.000 Caroline's would have two different stages. 0.96

01:00:42.000 They'd have the regular stage and then they'd have the sellout stage where they would take the wings off the side and you would be in a sold out room of 300 people and they would be fucking on top of you. 1.00

01:00:53.000 I mean Literally they could touch your dick. 1.00

01:00:56.000 They could reach out and just touch you. 1.00

01:00:58.000 You're so close to the audience.

01:01:00.000 Their tables are so small and everybody's stuffed in there and I think that that style of comedy, like there's a certain type of intimacy in those clubs.

01:01:10.000 Like, stand-up New York is like that.

01:01:12.000 There's a certain type of intimacy in those clubs, because you can't move around very much.

01:01:16.000 You can't get very physical, and you almost have to talk to the audience.

01:01:20.000 You almost have to address them, because they're right in front of you.

01:01:23.000 Yeah, it's so small.

01:01:25.000 Like, I don't think people realize when they're watching, like, Louie, how small that stage is at the cellar.

01:01:29.000 Oh, it's tiny.

01:01:30.000 There's nothing there.

01:01:31.000 It's like a shoebox.

01:01:33.000 It's like really, really, really crazy small.

01:01:36.000 Whereas, like, even the belly room's bigger than that.

01:01:39.000 Oh, yeah.

01:01:40.000 Oh, definitely.

01:01:41.000 The OR's bigger than that.

01:01:42.000 Oh, yeah.

01:01:43.000 I think the OR's the perfect room.

01:01:45.000 Mm-hmm.

01:01:45.000 I think the original room at the Comedy Store is literally the perfect room.

01:01:48.000 I think the belly room almost might be too small, but it's a good proving ground. 1.00

01:01:53.000 It's a good place to fuck around. 0.99

01:01:55.000 It's a good room to get good for the OR. Yeah. 1.00

01:01:58.000 And then the main room is, like, the big show.

01:02:01.000 Yeah.

01:02:01.000 Da-da-da-da!

01:02:03.000 Yeah.

01:02:03.000 But the main room still...

01:02:06.000 I would take a sold out hot OR crowd over a sold out main room crowd.

01:02:11.000 Because it's OR, while it's harder, it's more fun to kill in.

01:02:15.000 I'm telling you, I had this set the other night and it's because of Joey Diaz.

01:02:18.000 Because Joey Diaz made them believe that miracles could happen.

01:02:22.000 That's what happened.

01:02:23.000 Joey Diaz made this audience think that they were at the greatest thing ever.

01:02:28.000 And I was there too.

01:02:30.000 I was in the back of the room watching him, my hands hurting from clapping. 0.97

01:02:33.000 And it fucking pumped me up, man. 0.92

01:02:35.000 And I had more fun in the OR the other day at the comedy store. 0.95

01:02:39.000 It was just, you know...

01:02:41.000 I feel like it's not supposed to be that way.

01:02:43.000 I should have had more fun in Atlanta headlining my own shows or at Oddball or whatever, but it's like there's something about that OR. It's probably because it's the first place I ever went up.

01:02:55.000 Well, I forgot what it was like...

01:02:58.000 When I was not there for seven years, I forgot.

01:03:01.000 I didn't, and I kind of knew there was something cool about it.

01:03:05.000 But going back, it's been a year now since I've been back, because I went back last November.

01:03:10.000 And when I went back, I was like, whoa, this place is crazy.

01:03:13.000 I forgot.

01:03:14.000 I forgot.

01:03:15.000 There's like a unique feeling in that room. 0.98

01:03:18.000 Because that was Ciro's nightclub, and because of how many people died there, and How much crazy shit has gone on in that room? 0.90

01:03:26.000 Think about how much performing has been in that building. 0.97

01:03:30.000 Oh, yeah.

01:03:31.000 There's nothing like it anywhere because it's been every day of the year from 9 till 2 in the morning.

01:03:39.000 Every day of the year.

01:03:40.000 Yeah.

01:03:41.000 Every day of the year.

01:03:42.000 Like, unless there's some crazy thing that's going on.

01:03:46.000 They only closed for one day after that shooting.

01:03:49.000 Yeah.

01:03:50.000 And even...

01:03:52.000 Oh, I guess they stopped that show when it happened.

01:03:55.000 Yeah.

01:03:56.000 Yeah.

01:03:57.000 But...

01:03:57.000 I mean, Christmas, New Year's, Hanukkah.

01:04:00.000 Those are big days.

01:04:01.000 Rosh Hashanah.

01:04:02.000 Big days for them.

01:04:03.000 Every day.

01:04:04.000 Every day.

01:04:05.000 Seven days a week.

01:04:06.000 Yeah.

01:04:06.000 365 days a year.

01:04:08.000 And it's the, like Mitzi used to call it, the home for misfit toys.

01:04:11.000 The island of misfit toys, that's what she used to call it. 1.00

01:04:14.000 I think about that a lot.

01:04:15.000 You know, we were just talking about the hauntings.

01:04:17.000 Last night at the comedy store.

01:04:19.000 And yeah, I think that it could have to do with all the people that have gotten killed there.

01:04:23.000 But I think there's also something to be said about that being a building in which every night there's this burst of energy for five or six hours.

01:04:34.000 And then, ooh, back down to complete silence to where you can hear a roach...

01:04:41.000 On the other side of the building, walking across the main room stage, you know what I mean?

01:04:45.000 Like, it gets so quiet there.

01:04:47.000 And then, what, 16 hours later, blah [...

01:05:00.000 You know what I mean?

01:05:01.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:05:02.000 They're fucking gone again. 0.99

01:05:03.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:05:04.000 Ding dong, ding ding ding ding dong. 0.94

01:05:05.000 It's a shitty non-melodic tune too. 0.94

01:05:09.000 You hear that? 0.99

01:05:09.000 Yeah, they used to really, like, fucking... 0.99

01:05:11.000 Music used to suck. 1.00

01:05:15.000 All they had were these six church bells. 0.95

01:05:18.000 You know what's amazing is that they figured out how to write music down, and you could recreate it.

01:05:23.000 Like, da-da-da-da!

01:05:24.000 Like, they figured out how to write that down.

01:05:27.000 Yeah.

01:05:27.000 And you look at sheet music, which I can't read, but people who can read it, they look at that and they can perform something that was written down way before things were ever recorded.

01:05:39.000 Like, music was ever...

01:05:40.000 Like, they didn't figure out how to record music until, like, what?

01:05:42.000 What was it, like, the 1800s or the 1900s?

01:05:44.000 Whatever they figured out the first phonographic record. 0.99

01:05:47.000 It was probably, like, the early 1900s or the late 1800s, whatever the fuck it was. 0.87

01:05:52.000 Whenever they figured out how to record an album, you know, on wax, think about how long they wrote stuff down that you could recreate. 0.94

01:06:03.000 But, like, you couldn't recreate, like, songs, like, as far as, like, how someone could sing.

01:06:09.000 Like, if you think about the difference between the way Amy Winehouse sings and the way, you know, fill in the blank, you know?

01:06:15.000 Yeah.

01:06:15.000 Any other, you know, Barbra Streisand sings or...

01:06:20.000 Aretha Franklin sings, you know?

01:06:23.000 We looked at Aretha Franklin, like, how could you ever recreate that on paper, where you could understand, you better think, think!

01:06:31.000 Think about what you're trying to do to me!

01:06:33.000 You never could ever, you know, you never nail James Brown.

01:06:38.000 Ow! 1.00

01:06:41.000 Get on up!

01:06:42.000 You could never figure out how to relay that to people without them actually hearing it.

01:06:47.000 Makes you wonder what we missed.

01:06:49.000 Oh, yeah.

01:06:49.000 Singing and all that stuff.

01:06:52.000 Well, you know, that's one of the things I'm listening to is Dan Carlin Hardcore History Podcast.

01:06:57.000 And part of it is about Herodotus and how Herodotus, the way he would write history, was so theatrical and there was so much...

01:07:07.000 Flavor to the way he wrote things that they think that part of it was what he wrote was meant to be performed.

01:07:15.000 That it was not just a written thing that was meant to be read, but it was meant to be performed in these theatrical presentations.

01:07:25.000 And that's how they used to relay history.

01:07:28.000 Which is why it had so much flavor to it.

01:07:31.000 It was designed to rope people in that were watching it. 0.98

01:07:34.000 They were probably fucked up on homemade wine and you know. 0.99

01:07:39.000 Yeah. 0.98

01:07:40.000 And those amphitheaters, those places that they had developed where they would have like a flat surface on the ground and these like tiered stairs all around them and they would have to project their words!

01:07:56.000 Like all that style of acting was all based on having to project so that people could hear you.

01:08:03.000 That sort of flavored how early acting was.

01:08:07.000 A lot of early acting was very over the top!

01:08:11.000 And a big part of that was because they had to hear you in the back of the room.

01:08:16.000 Didn't have microphones.

01:08:17.000 Yeah.

01:08:18.000 And now a lot of the best stuff is the opposite.

01:08:21.000 Like, I feel like a lot of my favorite actors are, like, very, very, very chill.

01:08:26.000 Very, very mellow.

01:08:27.000 Oh, yeah.

01:08:28.000 Well, you think about what you can get done with, like, a quiet voice now that you could never do before.

01:08:34.000 Yeah.

01:08:34.000 You know?

01:08:35.000 With the smoldering that you could do now that you could never do before.

01:08:40.000 And the HD, like, you can really see their face and the way that they...

01:08:43.000 If they're upset or they're sad or anything, and now acting I feel like has been, you know, so amplified.

01:08:52.000 Yeah, it's really interesting what they've been able to do as far as broadcasting and recording people's movements and people's talking.

01:09:03.000 Well, even in martial arts, like we're going to go see the UFC tomorrow.

01:09:07.000 I'll tell you, man, when I was young, watching people much better than me fight and watching them kick and watching them perform techniques made me understand how to do them correctly because I could watch them.

01:09:20.000 You had to be around these guys to watch them.

01:09:22.000 Like when I was a kid, I used to study tapes.

01:09:25.000 At the time, it was like VHS tapes.

01:09:27.000 But it was like one of the first times that people had VHS tapes to study.

01:09:31.000 It was in the 80s.

01:09:33.000 Because before that, you had to have like a projector.

01:09:35.000 You had to get like a projection.

01:09:37.000 Like Mike Tyson used to watch old films at Customato's house.

01:09:43.000 He would go down, he would operate one of those reel-to-reel projectors, and watch old films of people fighting.

01:09:49.000 And he learned from their movements, like how to mimic and how to imitate those movements, and how to learn from those movements.

01:09:56.000 And now, you could just go to YouTube, you could find something...

01:10:00.000 Like, fighters today in the UFC, they have such a massive advantage of being able to mirror and imitate and...

01:10:08.000 Sort of recreate the movements of great fighters.

01:10:12.000 Because you could see how they do it.

01:10:13.000 You could watch every Anderson Silva fight that he ever had in the UFC. Anybody could watch him.

01:10:17.000 And you could see what he was able to do and how he moved.

01:10:20.000 It almost seems like we're at the point almost where like...

01:10:23.000 I don't know.

01:10:24.000 Decades from now, fighters will be able to spar 3D with their opponent coming up that they're actually going against in the octagon.

01:10:33.000 Oh yeah, definitely.

01:10:35.000 That they're gonna get their real effects and real moves, like what they do, the kicks, the angles, that you can just practice with that stuff.

01:10:42.000 Yeah, you'll have holograms.

01:10:44.000 You'll have holograms.

01:10:45.000 Maybe you could wear a suit, and when that person hits you in the hologram, you'll feel some sort of an impact.

01:10:52.000 Not to the point where it'll hurt, but you'll be aware of when they connect it on you, and maybe when they connect on you, their holographic image will respond as if they actually hit you.

01:11:04.000 They won't kick through you.

01:11:05.000 They'll kick up until the point where it touches you, and you'll feel it on your chest like you'll have some sort of a suit on.

01:11:10.000 That's totally...

01:11:11.000 Within the realm of possibility for the future when technology advances.

01:11:17.000 Virtual reality too, man.

01:11:19.000 Virtual reality is going to be so fascinating.

01:11:21.000 What they're going to be able to do with movies, you're going to be able to watch 3D movies where you put a virtual reality headset on.

01:11:26.000 And you're going to be immersed in the movie.

01:11:28.000 You'll be able to go through a crime scene and look down at the body and look down at the person who's trying to cover up the evidence and look out the window and see the cops pull up. 0.99

01:11:38.000 Holy shit! 0.96

01:11:39.000 You're going to be a part in the actual movie itself. 0.99

01:11:43.000 Yeah.

01:11:44.000 All these different ways to experience it.

01:11:45.000 Instead of being able to experience a movie in a flat, sort of a two-dimensional way, where you're forced to watch the scene as the director had laid it out, you're going to be able to change and alter the scene yourself by your own perspective.

01:11:56.000 You can decide to stand on a chair in the scene.

01:12:00.000 You know, and look at it from up above or get down on your knees and like look down at the body, look down at the murder weapon or look down at the grass these people are playing in.

01:12:10.000 You're going to be able to manipulate your perspective and it'll change how you enjoy a film.

01:12:17.000 Yeah.

01:12:18.000 Makes me want to start writing one like that.

01:12:20.000 Yeah, man.

01:12:21.000 I like that thing you just started.

01:12:22.000 Like it's like, you know, it almost, yeah.

01:12:26.000 Well, like a three-dimensional game, like if you play a game, like Quake or Unreal or some 3D shooter, where you're going down these hallways, you can pause at any time and look at the ground, look at the walls, and it becomes like an interactive thing.

01:12:41.000 And instead of, and it's still obviously a work of art, it's still, when you're playing a game, like if it's not an interactive game, or if it's not rather a multiplayer game where you're playing against another person, If it's just you versus the computer,

01:12:56.000 you're still choosing how to approach it and how to interface with the game.

01:13:01.000 You could pause if you like.

01:13:03.000 You could stop and not move forward.

01:13:05.000 Or you could run.

01:13:06.000 Or you could go left or you could go right.

01:13:07.000 You could choose.

01:13:08.000 And you're choosing how you interact with this piece of art.

01:13:12.000 Like a video game is really a piece of art.

01:13:15.000 You're kind of choosing how you connect to it.

01:13:18.000 You know, I think that's very likely going to be the way we experience movies.

01:13:24.000 You're going to be able to choose how you interact with it.

01:13:27.000 But then the problem with that is, then it won't be, like a film won't be something that you really necessarily would enjoy watching it with other people.

01:13:35.000 Right.

01:13:36.000 Like at a movie theater.

01:13:38.000 Yeah.

01:13:38.000 It's going to be so different if you have a virtual reality headset on.

01:13:42.000 It's true, but I think watching movies with people is way overrated.

01:13:46.000 Do you?

01:13:47.000 When's the last time you went to a movie theater by yourself?

01:13:49.000 I bet it's been a while, right?

01:13:50.000 Long time.

01:13:51.000 Long time.

01:13:54.000 I never even thought about it.

01:13:55.000 Again, maybe it's just a Midwest thing where it's like, you don't go to a movie by yourself.

01:14:00.000 Like a freak? 0.99

01:14:02.000 Crazy.

01:14:02.000 Yeah, exactly.

01:14:03.000 What are you?

01:14:04.000 What are you, a school shooter?

01:14:05.000 You don't go to a movie by yourself.

01:14:08.000 But, man.

01:14:09.000 I mean, there's...

01:14:10.000 And, you know, I love my girlfriend.

01:14:12.000 She's amazing.

01:14:13.000 She loves movies.

01:14:14.000 And we go and we see movies.

01:14:16.000 But there's something about going by yourself.

01:14:19.000 And you just have both armrests and you're And there's just no distractions.

01:14:25.000 No one's touching you and asking you questions.

01:14:26.000 When's the last time somebody whispered something in your ear at the movie theater and you said, thank you for that information.

01:14:32.000 Like, I'm really grateful for that information.

01:14:34.000 I wouldn't have known that or noticed that had you not...

01:14:37.000 You know?

01:14:38.000 A movie is supposed to, like...

01:14:40.000 You're supposed to have your own take on it.

01:14:43.000 You know what I mean?

01:14:44.000 Like...

01:14:45.000 Quentin Tarantino said with Pulp Fiction that he wanted everybody that saw that movie to have seen a different movie.

01:14:53.000 To think that something else happened and miss a part and have everybody almost have a different DNA for that movie.

01:15:01.000 He didn't want two people to see the same thing.

01:15:04.000 And it makes sense completely for that movie.

01:15:10.000 And like, I don't even like anybody else in the movie theater.

01:15:16.000 Not to mention somebody next to me.

01:15:18.000 The worst is people talking.

01:15:20.000 Well, the worst to me.

01:15:21.000 I mean, I hate talking.

01:15:23.000 That's way out of line.

01:15:24.000 But there's something about putting your feet on the chair in front of you.

01:15:28.000 You only do that if that chair is empty.

01:15:31.000 Right.

01:15:31.000 If somebody's sitting in that chair in front of you, you can't put your feet on it.

01:15:33.000 It's like the same thing with an airplane. 1.00

01:15:35.000 If you do, you're an asshole. 1.00

01:15:36.000 There's some people that do put their feet on other people's chairs, and it's super rude. 1.00

01:15:41.000 Well, you can feel that in a movie theater.

01:15:42.000 They give you that two-inch push to where you could sort of lean back.

01:15:48.000 So you feel it every time, like big time. 0.91

01:15:51.000 So then you're watching a movie, and shit's serious, and all of a sudden now you're thinking about What kind of shoes the person behind you is wearing. 0.93

01:15:58.000 Or like, if they're even wearing shoes. 0.98

01:16:00.000 Or this and that.

01:16:01.000 And how out of line that is to do that at a movie theater.

01:16:03.000 Like, it's so out of line.

01:16:05.000 And by the way, popcorn.

01:16:07.000 How did that become the thing at the movie theater?

01:16:09.000 I know it sounds like a hacky, like, premise.

01:16:11.000 But how did that become the theater food?

01:16:14.000 Because it's delicious and it's a good snack.

01:16:16.000 It's a good snack.

01:16:18.000 I don't know if I'd give it delicious.

01:16:20.000 With butter and salt?

01:16:21.000 Yeah.

01:16:22.000 I mean, the first few bites.

01:16:23.000 They get you with that.

01:16:24.000 Correct.

01:16:25.000 Dude, popcorn's only good for about 10 bites, and then it's just a workout.

01:16:31.000 And it's the loudest thing out of everything.

01:16:34.000 It's not the loud, but it is loud.

01:16:36.000 It's crunch, crunch, crunch.

01:16:37.000 It's so loud.

01:16:38.000 It's not as loud as chips.

01:16:39.000 And every time somebody opens the door, you can hear it popping in the lobby, too.

01:16:43.000 It's loud to make.

01:16:44.000 It's loud to eat.

01:16:46.000 You can hear it when people drop it.

01:16:47.000 When was the last time you heard it pop in the lobby?

01:16:49.000 Where are you going to the movies?

01:16:50.000 The New Beverly Cinema on Beverly and La Brea.

01:16:54.000 Quentin Tarantino's theater.

01:16:55.000 They show old westerns.

01:16:56.000 Oh, do you go there?

01:16:57.000 Dude, I watched The Good, The Bad, The Ugly a few weeks ago.

01:17:00.000 Really?

01:17:00.000 With the crowd going crazy.

01:17:03.000 Crazy, dude.

01:17:04.000 I need to go. 0.87

01:17:06.000 Laughing at the funny scenes, gasping at the serious ones.

01:17:09.000 They show real old movies.

01:17:11.000 October, they just had Halloween.

01:17:12.000 They showed Beetlejuice, Night of the Living Dead.

01:17:15.000 Cool movies.

01:17:16.000 Chips would be worse, though, wouldn't they?

01:17:18.000 Yeah.

01:17:19.000 That would be the worst.

01:17:20.000 Yeah.

01:17:23.000 And the bag of chips.

01:17:24.000 You're right.

01:17:25.000 Chips would be terrible. 1.00

01:17:26.000 This shitty fucking church keeps letting us think. 1.00

01:17:30.000 It's like a dog next door. 1.00

01:17:32.000 There's a guy named Frank Santarelli, who's a funny comic from Boston.

01:17:35.000 He was in The Sopranos.

01:17:37.000 He had a scene in The Sopranos.

01:17:38.000 He was a bartender in The Sopranos.

01:17:40.000 And he had this bit about a dog barking next door right when you think it's going to stop.

01:17:44.000 Like, bark, [...

01:17:49.000 Like right when you think it would stop. 1.00

01:17:59.000 That's like this fucking stupid church. 1.00

01:18:01.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:18:03.000 Some asshole is next door just clanging on those bells. 1.00

01:18:06.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:18:07.000 Some hunchback. 0.97

01:18:08.000 Some freak.

01:18:10.000 Did you hear about what's going on with Quentin Tarantino where the cops are boycotting him?

01:18:14.000 Yeah.

01:18:14.000 They don't want to work his movies because he called them killers.

01:18:17.000 Yeah.

01:18:18.000 Kind of interesting.

01:18:19.000 Yeah.

01:18:20.000 Well, I'm pretty sure...

01:18:23.000 I'm pretty sure that, you know, first of all, they're drawing more attention to it than would have been had they not boycotted his movies.

01:18:33.000 They wouldn't be talking about Quentin Tarantino doing that.

01:18:36.000 The only thing that they're talking about is New York police boycott Quentin Tarantino's movies coming out at the end of December, by the way.

01:18:45.000 You know what I mean?

01:18:45.000 It's such a promo.

01:18:47.000 These things backfire when these people try to do this stuff.

01:18:51.000 But it also makes people aware that what he's saying is irresponsible, you know, to call all cops killers.

01:18:56.000 You think about how many cops and how many interactions the cops have all day long.

01:19:00.000 I mean, yeah, it is terrible when something like Sandra Bland or all these different scenarios take place where people do wind up dying at the hand of cops.

01:19:10.000 It's absolutely horrific.

01:19:11.000 But you look at the actual numbers of how many cops there are and how many interactions these cops have with human beings.

01:19:19.000 And how many different interactions happen during a day and how many times it leads to a real problem.

01:19:25.000 Those problems, for sure, are horrific and they're real issues, but overall, I mean, to label all cops killers, Or all cops murderers, or all cops like that.

01:19:37.000 It is, in a way, irresponsible, and it's easy to do.

01:19:40.000 Did he say all cops?

01:19:42.000 I don't know what his words were.

01:19:43.000 I don't even think he did.

01:19:44.000 I think he said something to the effect of cops have been murdering innocent people, something like that.

01:19:51.000 And for them to run with it, I mean, okay, guys, so what an imprint you're going to leave on this brand new Hateful Eight movie that's going to be... 1.00

01:20:02.000 The shit. 0.99

01:20:03.000 What is the movie supposed to be about? 1.00

01:20:04.000 Oh, God.

01:20:05.000 What is it?

01:20:05.000 Gee, it's going to be so good.

01:20:08.000 It's about, basically, the gist is sort of like Civil War.

01:20:12.000 It's sort of like Django meets Inglourious Bastards.

01:20:16.000 It's like Civil War, but really badass.

01:20:20.000 Kurt Russell.

01:20:21.000 Civil War, huh?

01:20:22.000 Yeah.

01:20:23.000 Civil War mixed with assassins, and they kidnap someone.

01:20:27.000 So it's in the late 1800s?

01:20:29.000 That's when it's supposed to be taking place?

01:20:30.000 Yeah.

01:20:31.000 Dude, Kurt Russell has this huge beard and this huge mustache.

01:20:36.000 So was he growing it for the movie or is it fake?

01:20:38.000 Oh, it's real. 1.00

01:20:39.000 He fucking did it. 1.00

01:20:40.000 I wonder how long it took him to grow something like that. 1.00

01:20:42.000 A long time. 1.00

01:20:43.000 They all do that shit. 1.00

01:20:44.000 They make them fucking work. 1.00

01:20:46.000 You know, Quentin, you've seen Kill Bill. 1.00

01:20:48.000 He sent them all to Japan to train in the art of the samurai sword, that entire assassination squad, the Deadly Vipers.

01:20:58.000 David Carradine, Vivica A. Fox, Michael Madsen, Uma Thurman, and...

01:21:04.000 Um, Daryl Hannah. 0.98

01:21:06.000 They all went to fucking Japan and stayed in cool little Japanese fucking, you know, condos with, like, sliding, everything was, like, super culture for them to really get in the zone. 1.00

01:21:19.000 And you can tell that they know what they're doing when they're doing their crazy shit. 0.99

01:21:23.000 Like, you can feel it in that movie, I feel like, at least. 0.99

01:21:28.000 Um...

01:21:29.000 But anyway, yeah, I mean, like, you know, those cops are gonna see that movie.

01:21:34.000 They can say they're gonna boycott it.

01:21:36.000 I mean, I would say they'd put on a fake mustache, but they probably already have mustaches.

01:21:42.000 They're gonna shave their mustaches to go sneak in, like, oh, I'm not going to see this movie. 1.00

01:21:46.000 My ass. 1.00

01:21:47.000 You're gonna miss Kurt Russell with an all-out beard in a Civil War assassin saga? 1.00

01:21:52.000 Okay, officer.

01:21:53.000 Your loss.

01:21:54.000 Your loss. 1.00

01:21:55.000 You might as well just go kill innocent people if you're going to miss that movie. 1.00

01:22:02.000 I don't know what's worse, missing that movie or killing innocent people. 0.99

01:22:09.000 But I'm just a huge Tarantino nerd fan, so...

01:22:14.000 But I think everybody should be. 0.96

01:22:15.000 He's definitely made some fucking awesome movies. 0.96

01:22:18.000 Pulp Fiction was such a game changer. 0.97

01:22:20.000 You were watching on the way up here.

01:22:21.000 I looked over and I saw that image of the girl and the guy at the diner at the beginning of the movie where they're talking to each other right when they kiss before they rob the place.

01:22:31.000 I'm like, wow, that's like the beginning of the stitch that ties that whole crazy movie together.

01:22:36.000 Yeah, it's unbelievable.

01:22:38.000 Different time frames of all that.

01:22:41.000 You know what I mean?

01:22:42.000 When they come back to that at the end, and they're robbing the place, and Travolta and Samuel all are sitting there, By the time that that happens at the end, we know Travolta gets killed by Bruce Willis, you know,

01:22:58.000 10, 15, 15, 20 minutes before that, that Samuel L ends up retiring from the game because of the bullet holes in the wall.

01:23:07.000 Yeah.

01:23:07.000 It's like all just like crazy.

01:23:09.000 I haven't seen that movie in a long time.

01:23:11.000 I need to go watch it again.

01:23:12.000 Fun fact is I was watching it without the sound on.

01:23:15.000 I was listening to music and just had my headphones off because I know every single inch of that movie so well that I don't even need to have the sound.

01:23:24.000 Like it's fun to have the sound but it's also fun to like see their lips moving and knowing exactly what's going on.

01:23:29.000 Yeah.

01:23:30.000 Yeah I was doing the same thing with the Lord of the Rings.

01:23:33.000 Did you end up watching that new Mission Impossible?

01:23:35.000 No.

01:23:36.000 It was really good.

01:23:37.000 I was really surprised.

01:23:39.000 I'm not a Mission Impossible guy at all, but this new one's great. 1.00

01:23:42.000 Those movies are so stupid. 0.99

01:23:44.000 I know, but this one was so good it was funny. 1.00

01:23:47.000 Really?

01:23:47.000 There was a few times where I laughed out loud.

01:23:49.000 I was like, this is fucking impressive. 1.00

01:23:51.000 I think all those are crap. 1.00

01:23:53.000 All of them. 0.99

01:23:54.000 But this one was really well written.

01:23:56.000 Those movies, it's hard to get me to sign up for a Bond movie or a Mission Impossible movie because you know that Tom Cruise is going to be okay.

01:24:05.000 You know Daniel Craig is going to make it to the end of the movie.

01:24:07.000 Whatever bad guys he's facing, he's going to wind up killing.

01:24:10.000 Oh, he's almost going to die, but he doesn't. 0.99

01:24:12.000 Psych!

01:24:13.000 You know, no matter what.

01:24:16.000 Yeah, there's always one of those scenes where they're dead and then all of a sudden somebody has the paddles and they jolt them back to life.

01:24:24.000 What did I see recently that was like that, that I had a really hard time getting into?

01:24:28.000 Because I knew that, oh, the Martian.

01:24:31.000 I knew he was going to live.

01:24:33.000 Yeah.

01:24:34.000 Like, oh my god, he's almost dying.

01:24:36.000 Right.

01:24:37.000 But he's not.

01:24:38.000 Yeah.

01:24:38.000 There was no drama.

01:24:40.000 Like, when they were talking about coming back to get him, I'm like, they're going to get him.

01:24:44.000 They're going to get him.

01:24:44.000 He's going to live.

01:24:45.000 Like, oh my god, he's floating in space.

01:24:47.000 He's got to figure out how to get to them so they can grab him and bring him on board.

01:24:50.000 They're going to figure it out.

01:24:51.000 There was no drama.

01:24:53.000 It's so problematic when you have a star and one individual star that is responsible for driving the whole movie.

01:25:02.000 The whole movie was based on Matt Damon getting off Mars.

01:25:06.000 He got trapped on Mars and they had to go back and get him.

01:25:08.000 Because of the fact that it was based on that, you knew he was going to make it.

01:25:12.000 You knew.

01:25:13.000 There was no real suspense.

01:25:15.000 The end of the movie was kind of anticlimactic because you knew it.

01:25:19.000 Whereas Even a movie like Alien, like the original Alien with Sigourney Weaver, you kind of knew that Sigourney Weaver was going to make it, but the way they did it was so clever and they fucking killed off everybody but her that it was okay.

01:25:36.000 It was okay because it was so chaotic.

01:25:38.000 I've been on a movie rampage lately and I purposefully didn't go see The Martian.

01:25:43.000 Really?

01:25:43.000 Yeah, I'm like allergic to Matt Damon.

01:25:48.000 Why are you allergic to Matt Damon?

01:25:50.000 Oh, there's just something about him.

01:25:51.000 I just think he's like the most overworked, overrated, like just bland, boring.

01:25:56.000 I think Rounders would have been better without him.

01:25:59.000 I think Malkovich buried him in that movie.

01:26:02.000 He couldn't follow anything Malkovich was doing with his Oreos and all that stuff.

01:26:06.000 I think Ben Affleck's the same thing. 1.00

01:26:09.000 And I think they're like this duo of dog shit that just... 1.00

01:26:12.000 Too old dog shit. 1.00

01:26:16.000 Somehow they got this Good Will Hunting momentum and everybody's just like, yeah, they're cool because they're from Good Will Hunting. 1.00

01:26:22.000 It's like, no, I'm not buying it.

01:26:25.000 Ben Affleck's a tool.

01:26:27.000 He's not cool at all.

01:26:29.000 Matt Damon is like, you know.

01:26:31.000 If you want to know how much of a tool Ben Affleck really is, you have to watch him on Real Time with Bill Maher.

01:26:36.000 Watch him on Real Time with Bill Maher where he accuses Sam Harris.

01:26:39.000 I don't know if you know who Sam Harris is.

01:26:41.000 He's a brilliant intellectual.

01:26:43.000 Who's written many, many books on religion. 1.00

01:26:46.000 He's just a fucking super genius. 0.99

01:26:48.000 And he accused him of being racist for his stance on Islam, like radical Islam and fundamentalist Islam being like a really dangerous proposition, a dangerous ideology. 1.00

01:26:59.000 And he did it in such a stupid, clunky... 1.00

01:27:03.000 Like ignorant way and look so dumb and so much forced outrage while he was doing it. 1.00

01:27:11.000 Like you watch him do it, you go, oh my god, fuck this guy. 1.00

01:27:14.000 I see what he's doing. 0.99

01:27:15.000 He was totally going like social justice, brownie points, like trying to stand up for the oppressed.

01:27:20.000 And the way he did it was so awkward and loud and shouty. 1.00

01:27:25.000 It was so dumb. 1.00

01:27:27.000 It was so dumb that it instantly reveals How weak his actual argument was. 1.00

01:27:32.000 He was trying to back it up by calling him a racist. 1.00

01:27:35.000 He was trying to put him on the back of his heels.

01:27:37.000 But you can't do that to Harris, because he's a master debater.

01:27:41.000 He debates with people all the time, religious people all the time.

01:27:43.000 So when you do that, he never loses his cool. 0.99

01:27:46.000 Which made Ben Affleck look even dumber. 0.97

01:27:49.000 And then Bill Maher is taking Sam Harris' side as well, and they're both going like, I think you're missing what he's saying, and he's like, it's racist! 0.99

01:27:57.000 Oh my god, it's racist!

01:27:58.000 Look at what you're saying, it's so racist! 1.00

01:28:00.000 But it's so dumb and clunky, and it's just, you realize, like, the poor quality of his thinking, and how high he holds his own opinions. 0.99

01:28:11.000 Like, what, you know, you have to see it. 0.99

01:28:15.000 But it's so toolish.

01:28:16.000 I'll never, I mean...

01:28:18.000 I can't say I'll never respect his opinion again, but I value it so much less after watching that argument.

01:28:24.000 We should boycott his movies.

01:28:28.000 He was good in Gone Girl, though.

01:28:30.000 Did you see Gone Girl?

01:28:31.000 He was good in Gone Girl, but you know what?

01:28:33.000 I think that was just an extremely well-written, well-directed movie that easily could have slipped Kevin Spacey in there, and it's like 20% better.

01:28:43.000 He's too old. 0.99

01:28:44.000 He's too gay and fat, too. 1.00

01:28:46.000 You'd have to have someone younger and handsome. 0.99

01:28:49.000 But yeah, you could have Jake Lillenhall probably would have crushed it.

01:28:53.000 Totally.

01:28:54.000 Much better performance.

01:28:55.000 Much better.

01:28:55.000 Because there's something about Ben Affleck where you watch him and you just know it's Ben Affleck.

01:29:02.000 He doesn't really break out of that.

01:29:05.000 You're never like, oh, I didn't even notice that was Ben Affleck.

01:29:09.000 You know what I mean?

01:29:10.000 That's that way with so many great actors.

01:29:13.000 And you're like, oh, I didn't even notice that was him.

01:29:16.000 He's so good in it.

01:29:18.000 Yeah, I felt like that in that, what was that movie that he did, The Town?

01:29:23.000 That was another movie.

01:29:24.000 It's like, God, anybody could have done that.

01:29:26.000 The Town movie where he plays the bank robber guy.

01:29:29.000 Remember that movie?

01:29:30.000 No.

01:29:31.000 Him and his buddies, they're all bank robbers from Charlestown. 0.72

01:29:34.000 Charlestown was like a real area of Boston that was filled with legit criminals.

01:29:39.000 And there were like a legit high amount of bank robbers that came out of this one area.

01:29:44.000 Hmm.

01:29:46.000 But he's done a bunch of those Boston movies, too.

01:29:49.000 Yeah.

01:29:49.000 That's where Good Will Hunting was.

01:29:51.000 I love what South Park does with Matt Damon.

01:29:54.000 Like, they just... 0.99

01:29:55.000 Like, retarded. 1.00

01:29:55.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:29:56.000 But he's not stupid, so it's so funny when they do those, like, when they did Team America, World Police, and he's like, Matt Damon! 0.85

01:30:03.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:30:04.000 Made him so stupid, but he's not stupid. 1.00

01:30:06.000 Oh, I love it. 1.00

01:30:07.000 Oh, I love it. 1.00

01:30:09.000 I think those guys are crap. 1.00

01:30:12.000 Just crappity crap crap. 1.00

01:30:14.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:30:15.000 They're an interesting duo.

01:30:16.000 Yeah.

01:30:18.000 I don't know. 1.00

01:30:19.000 It's hard to be an actor and not be a douchebag and full of shit. 1.00

01:30:23.000 Just to make it through the ranks. 1.00

01:30:26.000 To get to a position where you're an actual movie star and all the dicks you've sucked along the way. 0.99

01:30:30.000 Figuratively. 0.99

01:30:31.000 Not literally, necessarily.

01:30:33.000 Like Christian Bale, he yelled at those people and stuff.

01:30:37.000 But you know what?

01:30:38.000 Sorry! 0.99

01:30:39.000 He's fucking good. 0.99

01:30:40.000 He's fucking good. 1.00

01:30:41.000 Well, not only that, the guy's distracting him in the background while he's in this really important emotional scene, and you want to shame him by recording that as if he's an asshole, but guess what? 1.00

01:30:50.000 The guy who's distracting him with the lights, that guy's an idiot. 1.00

01:30:54.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:30:54.000 You can have idiots like that on the set, and they do ruin things. 1.00

01:30:57.000 They do. 1.00

01:30:59.000 And if he's a perfectionist, like obviously he is, he couldn't possibly be as good as he is without being a perfectionist.

01:31:05.000 When you have someone who's irritating you like that, that's on the set, yeah, I can see him snapping.

01:31:11.000 It makes sense.

01:31:12.000 Yeah.

01:31:13.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:31:14.000 And it's like, you know, people are like, ooh, Christian Bale's a dick. 0.96

01:31:17.000 It's like... 0.98

01:31:18.000 To that guy, but we don't even know who that guy was.

01:31:20.000 Right. 1.00

01:31:20.000 Maybe if we met that guy, we'd be like, oh, you're a fucking moron. 1.00

01:31:23.000 Yeah, or else maybe we'd be hearing more of these clips of Christian Bale yelling at innocent people. 1.00

01:31:28.000 Instead, there was just that one.

01:31:30.000 Yeah.

01:31:30.000 And it's like, you know, my patience grows a lot longer for people who I respect.

01:31:36.000 You know, I have a whole bit about it, you know, about Bill Cosby and Woody Allen, about this thing.

01:31:41.000 You can get away with stuff. 0.99

01:31:42.000 If you're talented, you make multiple hits, and you're good, you can get away with shit. 0.99

01:31:47.000 Well, there's obviously a point of no return for a guy like Cosby. 0.99

01:31:51.000 He can't get away with it anymore.

01:31:52.000 He stopped performing.

01:31:54.000 Remember, in the beginning, he was performing.

01:31:56.000 He had all these dates that he was doing.

01:31:58.000 While the accusations were coming out, people were still like, yelling out, we love you, Bill, we love you, Bill. 1.00

01:32:03.000 But now, even those people are like, damn, Bill's a racist. 1.00

01:32:07.000 Totally. 1.00

01:32:07.000 Racist. 1.00

01:32:08.000 He's a rapist, rather. 1.00

01:32:09.000 Yeah, I think he's going to paterno out. 1.00

01:32:11.000 You know what I mean?

01:32:12.000 I had Joe Paterno.

01:32:13.000 Yeah, something like that.

01:32:15.000 Joe Paterno, like, the week that he retired was so crazy.

01:32:19.000 Like, I just watched a 30 for 30 ESPN documentary on it.

01:32:22.000 You ever watch those?

01:32:23.000 Yeah.

01:32:23.000 And it said, they were talking about how literally the day that he announced his retirement, he went home and took a bloody poop.

01:32:34.000 Next day goes to the doctor, it's like, my poop's bloody.

01:32:37.000 And they're like, yeah, your body's filled with cancer right now.

01:32:41.000 He's like, oh, okay.

01:32:42.000 Like, seven days later, he was dead.

01:32:44.000 Something like that.

01:32:45.000 Wow.

01:32:46.000 He was like, so fast.

01:32:48.000 Well, he probably had the stress of knowing that he was harboring a child molester for years.

01:32:54.000 Mm-hmm.

01:32:54.000 There's probably eating away at him.

01:32:56.000 Besides the fact that he was an old guy as it is, but you think about what kind of stress must be involved in having a guy like that that you know is fucking kids and you don't know what to do about it. 0.99

01:33:09.000 You don't know what to do because he's got this whole charitable organization where he's taking care of children and you know, you know and everybody else knows, he's fucking those kids. 0.99

01:33:21.000 And then when it comes out, the world knows that you knew he was fucking those kids, and you didn't do anything about it, and you should have, and you were a coward, and it just starts rotting you out from the inside. 0.99

01:33:32.000 Oh, yeah. 1.00

01:33:33.000 Oh, my God. 0.99

01:33:33.000 It must be fucking devastating. 0.99

01:33:35.000 I mean, it's almost like just being as bad as the pedophile, except you don't even get to blow those loads, you know what I mean? 0.99

01:33:43.000 I would love to... 0.64

01:33:46.000 That's so rude.

01:33:47.000 If Bill Cosby, say if Bill Cosby does, if it turns out that Bill Cosby has cancer and he's dying and he wants to come clean and he wants to talk about it all, I would love to have him on a podcast.

01:33:58.000 Can you imagine having Bill Cosby on a podcast before he's dying?

01:34:02.000 Just asking him, how did this all start?

01:34:05.000 What was it all about?

01:34:07.000 When did you first drug somebody?

01:34:10.000 Is it something that excited you?

01:34:13.000 Was it a convenience thing?

01:34:15.000 What was it that made you think that it's okay?

01:34:19.000 Because he has daughters, right?

01:34:20.000 I believe he has daughters.

01:34:24.000 I don't even know how anybody could get into something like that.

01:34:29.000 It's so interesting.

01:34:32.000 That's such a weird fetish. 0.99

01:34:34.000 Because he clearly could have just had sex with whoever he wanted. 1.00

01:34:38.000 Well, he clearly could have just had prostitutes. 1.00

01:34:40.000 Definitely. 0.99

01:34:41.000 He's worth so much money.

01:34:42.000 Yeah. 0.98

01:34:43.000 He could have always done that, or he could have always found someone who wanted to have sex with him, but I think he liked drugging them.

01:34:51.000 It's the only thing that makes sense to me.

01:34:52.000 I think there's something that makes you wonder, I don't even know, I've never heard of it before, but it's like, you know, what is that?

01:35:02.000 What is that? 0.69

01:35:04.000 If that's a fetish, then why couldn't you just pay a prostitute almost to do that? 0.96

01:35:09.000 Yeah, but then it wouldn't really be happening. 0.96

01:35:12.000 See, I think part of it had to be that he wanted to trick those girls.

01:35:17.000 He wanted to give them, hey, come over here and have a cappuccino.

01:35:20.000 And he gives them a cappuccino, and they're like, oh, you feeling sleepy, are you? 1.00

01:35:24.000 And he just pulls his cock out. 0.99

01:35:25.000 You don't even see this, do you? 1.00

01:35:27.000 And then he throws them on the bed and pulls their panties off and fucks them while they're out cold. 0.99

01:35:32.000 He must have been into that. 0.99

01:35:34.000 He must have been into the game of drugging them.

01:35:37.000 Mm-hmm.

01:35:37.000 He must have been into slipping them a mickey and watching them black out.

01:35:42.000 But then he's stuck with them for hours while they try to sober up too.

01:35:46.000 How bizarre is that?

01:35:48.000 He had to be with them while they were out cold when he drugged them and he had to be willing to deal with that.

01:35:54.000 There's other ways he could have gone about it too.

01:35:59.000 I'm interested to know if he ever just had him come over and sat down and watch a Ben Affleck movie with him just to make him fall asleep.

01:36:07.000 Instead of drugging him, you know, just like, oh, you allergic to the Matt Damon?

01:36:15.000 I don't think that...

01:36:17.000 I think that a guy like that, a guy like Cosby, is probably a sociopath in some sort of a strange way, a very unique way. 0.87

01:36:28.000 An egomaniac, a sociopath, and... 0.93

01:36:33.000 It feels like he's better than people. 0.99

01:36:35.000 It feels like it's okay.

01:36:37.000 It's okay if he drugs them.

01:36:39.000 Remember somebody, I don't know if we can talk about this, but what that person told us in that green room that one time about him?

01:36:46.000 Oh yeah.

01:36:47.000 Yeah.

01:36:48.000 We could probably mention that.

01:36:49.000 Yeah, we could talk about that.

01:36:50.000 I've talked about it before.

01:36:51.000 Oh, okay.

01:36:52.000 She said that he was at a casino and he made the security guard tuck him in.

01:36:58.000 Come to his hotel room and tuck him in.

01:37:01.000 And this was all before the allegations came out.

01:37:04.000 But not much before.

01:37:05.000 Like a few months before.

01:37:06.000 Like six months at the most.

01:37:08.000 And we were there like right when all this was breaking.

01:37:14.000 It was over a year ago.

01:37:16.000 See, that should have been a sign right there.

01:37:17.000 Anybody who needs to get tucked in should get investigated by the FBI, right?

01:37:22.000 Well, it's like, why did he want to get tucked in?

01:37:25.000 What's going on with that?

01:37:26.000 And he also wanted people to watch him eat.

01:37:28.000 Do you remember that, too?

01:37:29.000 He would have them sit down, the whole staff, like all the people that worked there, they would sit in his dressing room and watch him eat curry.

01:37:36.000 He would eat his food, and they would sit around.

01:37:39.000 They didn't interact with him.

01:37:40.000 They would just sit around and watch him eat.

01:37:42.000 Wow.

01:37:43.000 Like, what?

01:37:44.000 That's some freaky stuff.

01:37:47.000 What a weird request.

01:37:49.000 Yeah.

01:37:50.000 But I think he probably had a bunch of those weird things that he had in his mind.

01:37:56.000 Like we were at this club last night.

01:38:00.000 And someone, we don't have to mention their name, but some comedian that we know. 1.00

01:38:06.000 And they were all saying what a piece of shit the guy was. 0.99

01:38:09.000 They would never have him back here again. 1.00

01:38:11.000 But that when they got to the airport, he's like, you know, telling them to carry his luggage.

01:38:16.000 And then when people were there, he's like, don't let anybody touch me.

01:38:21.000 People come over to take my picture, don't let anybody touch me.

01:38:24.000 And then...

01:38:25.000 It's just like the weirdness of how he interacted with these people that worked there.

01:38:30.000 They're like, look, you'll never be back here again.

01:38:32.000 We'll just let you know right now.

01:38:34.000 You're never coming back here again.

01:38:36.000 They said he was the worst guy they had ever had come to their club.

01:38:40.000 But this guy, who we're talking about, had all these weird tics, all these weird things that he would do, like make people carry his stuff, things that he would do to...

01:38:52.000 To clearly establish that he was better than them.

01:38:54.000 Right.

01:38:54.000 Make them sell his merch.

01:38:56.000 Yeah.

01:38:56.000 Things like that.

01:38:57.000 Yeah, yeah. 0.99

01:38:59.000 And that neurosis that these people have, it's so ridiculous. 0.96

01:39:05.000 Because most of the most talented people that I've met... 0.98

01:39:09.000 Drive their own car.

01:39:11.000 Carry their own bag.

01:39:13.000 All of it.

01:39:14.000 And would be insulted if somebody tried that kind of stuff.

01:39:19.000 You know what I mean?

01:39:19.000 Like, come on, give me my bag.

01:39:20.000 You know?

01:39:21.000 It's like the opposite.

01:39:23.000 Because that's simply not how success works.

01:39:28.000 There's no...

01:39:29.000 You don't get extra time to think because somebody else is carrying your bag.

01:39:34.000 Then you have more pride in the person that you're hanging out with.

01:39:38.000 Because they're carrying their bag and you're carrying your bag, you know?

01:39:41.000 It just seems like the neurosis of it all is like such an old Hollywood myth.

01:39:45.000 Well, it's one thing is like maybe you had two big bags and like a driver came.

01:39:49.000 Let me help you with that.

01:39:50.000 They grab one of your roller bags and ask you some credit and pull it around.

01:39:54.000 But his thing was like making everyone do the work.

01:39:57.000 He didn't want to carry anything.

01:39:59.000 Right.

01:39:59.000 He wanted them to pick up his bags at the airport.

01:40:03.000 But I think when people demand preferential or special treatment like that, they start to think of themselves as being superior to everyone else.

01:40:14.000 Everyone else, you know, throw your rose petals on the ground so that I may walk upon them.

01:40:19.000 You know, this idea that Cosby was better than all those people that he was drugging.

01:40:25.000 He was better than all those people that were watching him eat curry.

01:40:28.000 That he was better than that guy who he wanted to tuck him in.

01:40:32.000 Tuck me in.

01:40:32.000 I'm the king.

01:40:33.000 I will lie in my bed.

01:40:35.000 And when I lie in my bed, then I want you to put the blanket over me.

01:40:39.000 And then I want you to tuck it on each side.

01:40:41.000 And I will rest.

01:40:43.000 And then you will leave.

01:40:44.000 Shut the light out.

01:40:45.000 The king is sleeping.

01:40:47.000 There's something creepy about that. 0.99

01:40:49.000 That's also the same kind of thing in some sort of a way that would allow him to have done all that horrific shit that he did, drugging those people. 0.96

01:41:00.000 Nobody's really going to understand it unless he talks about it. 0.94

01:41:03.000 Unless he comes clean and talks about it, we're never going to understand his unique...

01:41:07.000 Psychosis.

01:41:08.000 I'd love to know that.

01:41:10.000 What would be the first question?

01:41:12.000 When did you do it?

01:41:14.000 When did you first do it?

01:41:15.000 Did you see someone drug someone?

01:41:17.000 Was that a common thing?

01:41:19.000 I think slipping someone a Mickey, they didn't think of it as that big of a deal back then.

01:41:24.000 I don't think they thought of it as rape.

01:41:28.000 I think they thought they were being sneaky.

01:41:31.000 But I think it was like, you know, getting a girl, getting her a couple of drinks.

01:41:35.000 Have a couple of drinks.

01:41:36.000 Relax.

01:41:37.000 Okay.

01:41:38.000 Voluntarily, a girl has a couple of drinks. 0.97

01:41:39.000 And you know, once they have a couple of drinks, they're going to loosen up.

01:41:42.000 They're going to be a little more playful, a little more uninhibited.

01:41:46.000 Woo! 0.99

01:41:46.000 Next thing you know, old Jed's a millionaire. 0.99

01:41:49.000 I wonder. 1.00

01:41:50.000 I wonder what it was that started him down that path of drugging and raping women. 0.99

01:41:57.000 This lady was on TV and she was talking about it. 0.99

01:41:59.000 She's like, he might be the most prolific serial rapist in history. 0.63

01:42:04.000 You stop and think about it. 1.00

01:42:06.000 Like, that's fucking insane. 1.00

01:42:08.000 Bill Cosby might be the most prolific rapist in history. 1.00

01:42:13.000 He really could be. 0.98

01:42:14.000 45 women, at least, have accused him.

01:42:17.000 And those are the ones that have accused him.

01:42:20.000 The ones on the road, like, and he's been touring forever.

01:42:25.000 Everywhere.

01:42:26.000 He's just been going everywhere.

01:42:27.000 Chicks from Tennessee and Oklahoma, they're not gonna admit that stuff. 1.00

01:42:32.000 They don't even know what's going on.

01:42:35.000 They're not even watching the news.

01:42:36.000 They don't even know other women are coming out with it. 1.00

01:42:39.000 And people with families.

01:42:41.000 Think of how many of those ladies must have families now, and they're not coming forward. 0.95

01:42:45.000 Well, also, they probably don't think, what is the point in adding their own story to a 50-person story?

01:42:52.000 You're already dealing with a guy who's accused of multiple horrific crimes.

01:42:56.000 Like, if you accuse him of one more, is it going to change anything?

01:42:59.000 Right.

01:42:59.000 There's one girl, though, that it's within the statute of limitations.

01:43:03.000 Oh, wow.

01:43:04.000 Yeah, there's one girl that they're pursuing that is inside the statute of limitations and if that comes through, he might actually wind up going to jail or at least standing trial.

01:43:16.000 I mean, I don't know.

01:43:17.000 I don't know how it works.

01:43:18.000 I guess she has to press charges and maybe he could bribe her.

01:43:24.000 Maybe he could settle.

01:43:25.000 That term, settling, out of court, that's just bribing someone.

01:43:30.000 That's what he did in 2005. The reason why we know about what he did was because of the deposition that they released once all these other accusations started piling up.

01:43:39.000 Then they released the results of the deposition.

01:43:42.000 So we got to know that, oh, he admitted that he gave girls quaaludes.

01:43:47.000 You know?

01:43:49.000 I mean, you can't even get quaaludes anymore.

01:43:53.000 Like, this guy has some Quaaludes stockpiled.

01:43:55.000 Yeah.

01:43:56.000 I mean, if they search, they probably...

01:44:00.000 I mean, they have probable cause...

01:44:04.000 Like, what is happening with that case?

01:44:06.000 That's what's crazy.

01:44:07.000 You don't hear about it.

01:44:08.000 For months and months and months, there's no updates.

01:44:11.000 Even the case has been put to sleep.

01:44:13.000 That's hell. 1.00

01:44:15.000 Son of a bitch. 0.99

01:44:17.000 I was going to make a Probable Cosby joke and didn't a minute ago, just to let you know, like, the ones that I don't say, like, those exist, too. 0.99

01:44:26.000 I don't just say everything.

01:44:27.000 Probable Cosby!

01:44:29.000 Oh, no.

01:44:37.000 It's like one of those things we could talk about a million times in a row.

01:44:40.000 We always just bang our head against the wall.

01:44:42.000 It's almost like you're repeating the same conversation over and over again.

01:44:45.000 Like, how could we do it?

01:44:46.000 What was it about?

01:44:47.000 The Michael Jackson thing is really similar.

01:44:49.000 You repeat the Michael Jackson thing many, many times, but he's dead.

01:44:53.000 So it makes it kind of weirder because you'll never know.

01:44:57.000 You'll never know if he really did those things or if he just got weird with those kids.

01:45:04.000 I heard a weird possibility about Michael Jackson that I've talked about before, but that he was a castrata.

01:45:10.000 What's that? 0.99

01:45:11.000 That means he had his balls removed. 0.99

01:45:12.000 You ever heard castrata singing? 0.99

01:45:14.000 You've never heard of that?

01:45:15.000 No.

01:45:16.000 Oh my god.

01:45:17.000 They would have this... 0.81

01:45:19.000 They would have young men, when they were really young, they would castrate them.

01:45:24.000 And they would castrate them with a specific purpose of making their voice sound a certain way.

01:45:30.000 You never heard of that?

01:45:31.000 If it ever happened, I bet it happened to him.

01:45:33.000 They were a type of opera singer. 0.97

01:45:35.000 They would do it on purpose.

01:45:37.000 Wow.

01:45:37.000 Yeah.

01:45:38.000 How crazy is that?

01:45:39.000 That's so cool.

01:45:39.000 They would castrate young boys so that their sound...

01:45:44.000 They would keep a certain sound.

01:45:46.000 You wanna hear some of it?

01:45:47.000 Hold on a second.

01:45:48.000 I'm gonna grab my laptop.

01:45:50.000 Hang in there, folks!

01:45:52.000 I'm walking across...

01:45:55.000 The hotel room to grab my laptop. 0.99

01:45:57.000 Michael Jackson may not have had any balls. 0.99

01:46:00.000 Well, you think about his voice. 0.99

01:46:02.000 Like, the sounds that he was able to make with his voice.

01:46:06.000 Yeah.

01:46:07.000 I believe it.

01:46:08.000 His dad probably did it.

01:46:11.000 He's the one that wanted the money, right?

01:46:13.000 Could you imagine if that's what he did?

01:46:15.000 Like, he had a sound when he was young, and so they castrated him so that he kept that same sound.

01:46:22.000 Na-na-na! 0.98

01:46:25.000 I pulled this.

01:46:26.000 Castrata.

01:46:27.000 Castrata music.

01:46:29.000 Castrata.

01:46:30.000 Castrata.

01:46:32.000 Wow.

01:46:33.000 Yeah.

01:46:34.000 Castrata.

01:46:35.000 That's insane.

01:46:38.000 Music.

01:46:38.000 Yeah.

01:46:39.000 Well, it's just, how insane is it that that is an actual style of music?

01:46:46.000 Listen to this.

01:46:47.000 I mean, the testosterone.

01:46:49.000 The testosterone clearly would affect the voice box.

01:46:52.000 Geez, I didn't know that existed.

01:46:55.000 Listen to this.

01:47:19.000 That's a guy?

01:47:20.000 Yeah.

01:47:25.000 This is a 1994 biopic, so that might not be legit, but it's about one of the most famous castrato singers.

01:47:33.000 Here's 20 need-to-know facts about castratis.

01:47:39.000 Okay, the Vatican imported its very first falsetto singers from Spain.

01:47:44.000 It was considered preferable to have castrated boys singing high parts since girls and women were banned in the Vatican choir.

01:47:53.000 The 17th century was a bad time to be a good treble.

01:47:57.000 During the 17th century, boys in Italy began to be castrated in increasing numbers.

01:48:10.000 Hmm.

01:48:12.000 Hmm. 0.82

01:48:16.000 The operations to remove a boy's testicles, in medical terms, was called orchidectomy, were reputedly performed by the butchers of Norica, an Italian region famous for its pork products where castration of pigs was common. 0.93

01:48:35.000 Because they castrate pigs. 1.00

01:48:38.000 They oftentimes will castrate pigs in the wild and they let them go.

01:48:42.000 And then they try to hunt those pigs because they can't breed but they eat a lot and so they get really fat.

01:48:46.000 And they don't have as much muscle.

01:48:48.000 It's a density of muscle which comes from testosterone.

01:48:51.000 So they become fat and thick and this softer meat.

01:49:05.000 We're good to go.

01:49:16.000 Being a castrato could have unexpected physical consequences.

01:49:19.000 The most famous castratis were trained in Neapolitan conservatories where they practiced breathing techniques for hours every day to expand their lung capacities.

01:49:30.000 As a result, adult castrati were often notably barrel-chested.

01:49:35.000 They were tall compared to normal men of their time, but they also had a shortened life expectancy.

01:49:41.000 Like, look at the images of them.

01:49:42.000 These images where they show this barrel-chested tall guy.

01:49:46.000 Like, how odd.

01:49:48.000 It's like he's got a little head and little hands with a long, tall torso.

01:49:53.000 Wow.

01:49:54.000 Yeah.

01:49:55.000 This is incredible, man.

01:49:57.000 Really, so this article is...

01:50:00.000 Symphony Music, S-I-N-F-I-N-I music.com.

01:50:05.000 And it's all 20 facts, 20 known facts about castratis.

01:50:10.000 And some of them actually got married. 1.00

01:50:12.000 Poor bastards. 1.00

01:50:13.000 It's horrific, man. 1.00

01:50:15.000 And there was an actual BBC documentary.

01:50:18.000 But here's an actual castrati.

01:50:21.000 The only recording of an actual castrato is a guy.

01:50:26.000 His name is Alessandro Morisechi.

01:50:30.000 And he died in 1922. So this is an actual castrati we're gonna listen to here.

01:50:36.000 This is a real one.

01:50:37.000 The other one that we played earlier was apparently was a sort of a recreation.

01:50:43.000 This is a real castrati here. 0.99

01:50:57.000 That's some haunting shit. 0.99

01:50:59.000 That's as scary as it gets. 1.00

01:51:05.000 That's a guy with no balls. 1.00

01:51:08.000 This shit's nuts. 1.00

01:51:15.000 Now stop and listen to this and stop and think about Michael Jackson. 1.00

01:51:19.000 Think about how feminine he was and how thin he was. 0.99

01:51:32.000 Oh my god. 0.99

01:51:35.000 Just how fucked up are people that they would even think to do this to a seven-year-old boy? 1.00

01:51:40.000 How fucked up were the parents that let this be done? 1.00

01:51:44.000 Their seven-year-old boy, let him get his nuts chopped off so he can make better noise with his face. 1.00

01:51:50.000 That's crazy. 0.99

01:51:53.000 Oh, that's scary.

01:51:55.000 For some reason, that's like the scariest thing that I've seen in a long time.

01:51:59.000 It's crazy. 0.99

01:52:00.000 To lose your balls without a choice and to have it done by a butcher. 1.00

01:52:04.000 I mean, my God. 0.99

01:52:06.000 I mean, think of all the things that ruins.

01:52:07.000 From now on you smell bacon and things like that. 1.00

01:52:10.000 Like, it reminds you of getting your balls chopped off. 1.00

01:52:13.000 No, it doesn't. 1.00

01:52:14.000 Bacon?

01:52:15.000 I mean, maybe you have to go into a butcher shop to do it.

01:52:18.000 It's a traumatic experience, I'm sure.

01:52:21.000 The traumatic part is listening to this tortured soul.

01:52:24.000 Oh, I know. 1.00

01:52:25.000 This fucking grown man who, oh my god, it's insane. 1.00

01:52:30.000 That's freaky. 1.00

01:52:32.000 It's very freaky.

01:52:33.000 It's just, it's hard to believe that people looked at human life like that. 0.99

01:52:39.000 I feel like this church next door keeps playing the bells every time we talk about crazy shit that the Catholic Church used to do. 1.00

01:52:45.000 I wonder what's worse. 1.00

01:52:46.000 Is it the church sound, the bell's worse, or this?

01:52:50.000 That's worse.

01:52:51.000 Is it?

01:52:54.000 That's like a tortured soul.

01:52:56.000 I was just going to say it.

01:52:58.000 You can really feel some kind of pain.

01:53:02.000 A pain that he didn't even pick.

01:53:05.000 It wasn't his fault.

01:53:07.000 He was thrown to the wolves. 1.00

01:53:18.000 I wonder if when they did the autopsy if they found balls. 0.99

01:53:21.000 What if they didn't find balls? 0.97

01:53:22.000 Would they tell us? 0.99

01:53:23.000 They did the Michael Jackson autopsy? 1.00

01:53:25.000 They wouldn't tell us shit. 0.99

01:53:27.000 Yeah, that's like medical information, right? 0.99

01:53:28.000 Yeah.

01:53:29.000 They wouldn't tell us.

01:53:30.000 Imagine if he went to his grave like that and everybody kept their mouth shut. 0.68

01:53:34.000 Meanwhile, he was castrated when he was younger to make his voice sound better.

01:53:37.000 I guarantee you Joe Jackson knew about this.

01:53:39.000 I guarantee you.

01:53:40.000 This is not...

01:53:41.000 I mean, if I know about this and people know about this, people in the music business that actually are singers and that are a part of the industry, they definitely know about castratos.

01:53:53.000 I wonder, man.

01:53:54.000 That's just my own personal theory, by the way.

01:53:58.000 Yeah, I mean, and Michael Jackson could definitely hit some notes.

01:54:02.000 Yeah.

01:54:03.000 I mean...

01:54:04.000 Like, what's a song?

01:54:05.000 Think of a song where Michael Jackson, like, really nailed high notes.

01:54:08.000 Well, I mean, when he was in the Jackson 5...

01:54:10.000 How about Human Nature, right?

01:54:11.000 Yeah.

01:54:14.000 But I guess he was still a kid when he was in the Jackson 5. Right.

01:54:17.000 But listen, this is human nature.

01:54:20.000 This is a song from when he was...

01:54:25.000 How old do you think he was when he did that?

01:54:29.000 He was a grown man, for sure.

01:54:32.000 Right?

01:54:34.000 So this is waiting for this ad to run out.

01:54:36.000 He was probably in his 30s when he came up with this, right?

01:54:57.000 Whoa! 0.71

01:55:00.000 He doesn't sound like a man.

01:55:02.000 No. 1.00

01:55:03.000 How the fuck? 1.00

01:55:06.000 How the fuck is that? 1.00

01:55:10.000 I think he may have been missing some of his human nature. 1.00

01:55:13.000 You fucking son of a bitch! 1.00

01:55:15.000 Tough to look at the man in the mirror when you lose your ball. 1.00

01:55:18.000 Ow! 1.00

01:55:19.000 You fucking can't stop, can you? 1.00

01:55:21.000 You can't stop. 1.00

01:55:23.000 I know, but that's the sound.

01:55:26.000 You ever see when he caught his head on fire in the Pepsi commercial?

01:55:29.000 Yeah, I can scream.

01:55:30.000 Listen to this.

01:55:31.000 Tell him that I guess you won't beat you.

01:55:35.000 Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry.

01:55:36.000 Don't cry, don't cry.

01:55:37.000 Don't cry, don't cry.

01:55:45.000 I can't listen anymore.

01:55:47.000 Yeah.

01:55:48.000 This is obviously just my theory.

01:55:50.000 I might have heard it somewhere, too.

01:55:52.000 I might have heard other people.

01:55:54.000 I've been thinking about this for so long, I don't know.

01:55:57.000 But when you listen to the castrato and then you hear that, boy.

01:56:01.000 I mean, he clearly wasn't hooking up with anybody.

01:56:04.000 I'm sorry, but the Presley girl, like, that was clearly a media blitz.

01:56:08.000 Like, King of Pop marries the King of...

01:56:11.000 Did he even marry her?

01:56:12.000 Did he marry her?

01:56:14.000 I think so.

01:56:14.000 He kissed her, but did he marry her?

01:56:19.000 I thought he married her.

01:56:20.000 I thought they had like a fake kid or something together.

01:56:23.000 No, they didn't have a fake kid, but he definitely had fake kids with somebody else, where it turns out there wasn't even his spurn.

01:56:28.000 Right. 0.99

01:56:29.000 Well, it couldn't have been his spurn because his balls are in Joe Jackson's freezer right now. 0.99

01:56:34.000 Okay, Lisa Marie Presley. 0.99

01:56:40.000 Let's see.

01:56:43.000 Do they marriage?

01:56:45.000 The personal relationships of Michael Jackson...

01:56:49.000 Let's see.

01:56:52.000 The entertainer was said...

01:57:07.000 Okay, what?

01:57:24.000 Lisa Marie Presley by her father Elvis in 1974, blah, blah, blah.

01:57:42.000 Whoa.

01:57:43.000 Boom.

01:57:49.000 Boom.

01:57:57.000 May 26, 1994, at a private ceremony in the Dominican Republic.

01:58:01.000 Clearly had to marry her because he was on child abuse things.

01:58:06.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:58:06.000 What the fuck? 1.00

01:58:07.000 Mm-hmm. 1.00

01:58:08.000 What the fuck? 1.00

01:58:09.000 Mm-hmm. 1.00

01:58:10.000 Ooh. 1.00

01:58:11.000 He doesn't have balls. 1.00

01:58:13.000 Didn't she, like, eventually go on, Lisa Marie, to marry, like, uh... 1.00

01:58:17.000 Somebody weird.

01:58:19.000 Wasn't it the actor? 0.99

01:58:21.000 What the fuck's his name? 1.00

01:58:22.000 What the fuck's his name? 1.00

01:58:23.000 Billy Bob Thornton. 1.00

01:58:23.000 No, no, no, no, no, no, no. 1.00

01:58:25.000 No, that was...

01:58:25.000 No, no.

01:58:27.000 Nicholas Cage.

01:58:28.000 Didn't she marry Nicholas Cage?

01:58:29.000 I don't know.

01:58:30.000 I'm pretty sure she did.

01:58:32.000 Let's go to Lisa Marie Presley.

01:58:33.000 Wikipedia is amazing.

01:58:36.000 Relationships.

01:58:36.000 Let's go to relationships here.

01:58:41.000 Relationships.

01:58:41.000 Marriages and relationships.

01:58:43.000 Bam.

01:58:44.000 She married one guy in 1988. Michael Jackson.

01:58:52.000 Michael Jackson.

01:58:55.000 Michael Jackson spent four years following a divorce together on and off in an attempt to reconcile.

01:59:01.000 Nicholas Cage.

01:59:02.000 Presley's third marriage was to Nicholas Cage.

01:59:05.000 They were married August 10, 2002 in an Oceanside Ceremony on the Big Island of Hawaii.

01:59:12.000 Eh, whatever. 1.00

01:59:14.000 What the fuck? 1.00

01:59:15.000 She hooked up with some weirdos. 1.00

01:59:18.000 Well, imagine being Elvis' daughter.

01:59:20.000 What a weird life that must have been.

01:59:22.000 You've been married to the most famous guy the world had ever known.

01:59:26.000 At the time, the most famous entertainer that had ever existed by far.

01:59:30.000 There was never a guy like Elvis before Elvis.

01:59:33.000 Because when Elvis came along, he was like, at the moment when movies...

01:59:38.000 And radio and television, all that collided and someone could see a guy like that on TV, on the Ed Sullivan show, you know, swinging his hips and, you know, jailhouse rock!

01:59:49.000 And women just just... 1.00

01:59:50.000 Yeah.

01:59:52.000 Imagine? 1.00

01:59:53.000 That's your fucking dad? 1.00

01:59:55.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:59:55.000 Imagine trying to be normal? 1.00

01:59:57.000 Sure.

01:59:58.000 That guy didn't have a chance at being normal. 0.66

02:00:00.000 There was not like, like today, if you're Drake, or if you're Jay-Z, or if you're fucking, you know, John Mayer, there's a lot of those dudes out there. 0.87

02:00:08.000 There's a lot of them that girls will go crazy and scream for. 1.00

02:00:11.000 They can hang out together and go to parties and go, man, life's crazy, right?

02:00:14.000 Yeah, bro, life's crazy for us.

02:00:16.000 But Elvis had Elvis.

02:00:17.000 That was it.

02:00:17.000 Who else was there?

02:00:18.000 Fabian? 0.79

02:00:20.000 Fabian had like one song.

02:00:22.000 I don't even know if they'd be in it.

02:00:23.000 He was like a heartthrob for a very short amount of time in the 50s.

02:00:27.000 There was like a couple other guys.

02:00:29.000 But Elvis was uniquely famous in a way that until Michael Jackson came along, there was probably nobody like him or close to it or very few people like him.

02:00:40.000 Imagine that.

02:00:41.000 Poor Lisa Marie is his daughter.

02:00:43.000 I can't really take Elvis seriously as an actor.

02:00:46.000 Have you ever seen any of his movies? 1.00

02:00:47.000 Oh, they're dog shit. 1.00

02:00:48.000 You don't take him seriously as an actor, though. 1.00

02:00:50.000 He's not an actor.

02:00:51.000 He's a singer.

02:00:52.000 That's how I feel about Matt Damon and Ben. 1.00

02:00:56.000 Those fuckers can't even sing. 1.00

02:00:57.000 Maybe they should be singing. 1.00

02:00:58.000 Maybe.

02:00:59.000 Maybe they missed their calling.

02:01:00.000 Yeah. 0.98

02:01:01.000 Let's cut off their nuts and see if it's too late. 1.00

02:01:05.000 I wouldn't mind seeing it if it works. 0.81

02:01:07.000 And on that note, we're going to hit the gym and work out.

02:01:12.000 What time is it here?

02:01:13.000 It is 3.50 here in wonderful Melbourne, Australia. 1.00

02:01:17.000 Which, by the way, Melbourne is the fucking shit. 1.00

02:01:19.000 How great is this town? 1.00

02:01:21.000 Amazing. 0.99

02:01:22.000 God damn, it's fun. 0.99

02:01:23.000 Last night was incredible. 0.99

02:01:25.000 Alright, that was two hours.

02:01:27.000 So that's it.

02:01:28.000 This is the end of our podcast from Melbourne.

02:01:31.000 You can catch Tony Hinchcliffe on Twitter.

02:01:34.000 It's at Tony Hinchcliffe.

02:01:36.000 Kill Tony is his podcast.

02:01:39.000 One Shot.

02:01:41.000 Can you announce anything?

02:01:42.000 No, I can't announce it yet.

02:01:44.000 Coming soon to a major internet distribution network that you all know of.

02:01:51.000 Yes.

02:01:52.000 That we can't say the name of.

02:01:53.000 And when I get to announce it, I'm going to hopefully come back on again and talk with Joe again about more fun stuff.

02:01:59.000 Yes!

02:02:00.000 Indeed, yes.

02:02:00.000 Alright, we got two shows tonight, two sold-out shows at some giant theater.

02:02:05.000 Was it the Palais Theater?

02:02:06.000 P-A-L-A-I-S. I think it's Palais.

02:02:09.000 Palais?

02:02:10.000 Palais Theater tonight in Melbourne. 0.99

02:02:12.000 And we're fucking psyched. 0.98

02:02:14.000 Alright, that's it, folks. 0.99

02:02:16.000 That's the end.

02:02:16.000 Anything more to say, Tony?

02:02:17.000 I'd like to just say, even though this isn't out yet, good luck to Johanna Janjacek tomorrow.

02:02:24.000 I'm a huge fan, and I love your striking.

02:02:26.000 And, you know, if we accidentally end up on a date sometime, whoopsie.

02:02:33.000 But I think you'd really like my sense of humor.

02:02:36.000 Yeah.

02:02:37.000 And I am a little bit bigger than you, so I know pictures of me, I look really small, but I'm like 140 pounds.

02:02:43.000 So thank you, and good luck.

The Joe Rogan Experience - November 13, 2015

Joe Rogan Experience #722 - Tony Hinchcliffe (Audio Only)

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Summary

Transcript