The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #775 - Greg Fitzsimmons

00:00:08.000 Powerful Greg Fitzsimmons. 1.00

00:00:11.000 Coming out of the gate with a fucking orgasmic... 1.00

00:00:14.000 Yes! 1.00

00:00:19.000 That's Donald Trump's face.

00:00:21.000 You ever notice that Donald Trump's face is running away from his skull? 0.98

00:00:24.000 He looks like he needs vaginal rejuvenation surgery on his cheeks. 0.59

00:00:29.000 What happens to a person's face that it just doesn't like their head anymore? 0.70

00:00:33.000 Just pulling away.

00:00:35.000 Yours is hanging in.

00:00:37.000 But he's not that fat.

00:00:39.000 No.

00:00:40.000 You know what I mean?

00:00:41.000 Like, Chris Christie's face is in better shape than his.

00:00:44.000 Right.

00:00:44.000 Well, being fat helps because, yeah, it pushes all the wrinkles out.

00:00:48.000 You get no wrinkles when you're fat.

00:00:49.000 But mine...

00:00:50.000 I'm Irish.

00:00:51.000 When you're Irish, man, you hit 40 and all of a sudden you turn into a rotten apple core. 1.00

00:00:56.000 All the meat falls off the bones and your cheeks sink in.

00:01:01.000 They're close to a fix for that.

00:01:03.000 Really?

00:01:04.000 Yeah, they're real close.

00:01:06.000 They're close to this guy, I think his name is Dr. Peter Welling, the doctor's name that invented Regenikine, which is that blood spinning procedure that Kobe Bryant, all these athletes go to Germany for.

00:01:17.000 He's invented some way to rejuvenate your body's production of collagen.

00:01:22.000 And they're going to shoot it into old ladies and they're going to look hot again. 1.00

00:01:26.000 I'll be all over that shit. 1.00

00:01:28.000 Because that's what makes you wrinkle. 1.00

00:01:30.000 That's what makes your skin lose its elasticity.

00:01:32.000 Right.

00:01:32.000 It's collagen.

00:01:34.000 And, you know, if you look at, like, if you go to the gym, you go to the gym, right?

00:01:38.000 Hell yeah. 0.97

00:01:39.000 Do you have, like, one of those older ladies at the gym where you're like, I fucking smashed that. 1.00

00:01:45.000 Some lady that's in her 50s, but she's just doing squats every day, just hanging on like that. 1.00

00:01:50.000 You know that kitten in that poster?

00:01:53.000 Yeah.

00:01:54.000 Hang in there, baby! 1.00

00:01:55.000 Hang in there, baby! 1.00

00:01:56.000 She's just hanging out of that curtain.

00:01:59.000 Right.

00:02:00.000 She is not going softly into that night.

00:02:02.000 That's right.

00:02:03.000 When you're 23 and you're in shape, you can get out of shape for a few months and then jump right back into shape again.

00:02:11.000 When you're Hang On Kitty, you take a week off.

00:02:14.000 You almost won't get back to where you started again.

00:02:17.000 That's one of them, yeah.

00:02:19.000 Yeah.

00:02:20.000 This is a picture we're looking at of a cute little kitten hanging from a stick.

00:02:24.000 Yeah. 0.98

00:02:24.000 When you get to be like that age, getting out of shape is really easy and getting back into shape is fucking nightmarish. 0.98

00:02:32.000 The first day back, you're like, whoa. 0.86

00:02:34.000 Yeah.

00:02:35.000 I'm old. 0.90

00:02:36.000 I went to do push-ups today and I used to be able to bang out 50 push-ups because I'm skinny as shit and I did gymnastics my whole life and so I just had a good muscle to weight ratio. 0.98

00:02:50.000 I fucking struggled to do 15. I was shaking. 0.98

00:02:54.000 I was like, what the fuck? 0.99

00:02:56.000 It really bummed me out. 0.99

00:02:57.000 I was like, wow.

00:02:58.000 Because I said to myself, to get back to where I was would require a lot of uncomfortable pain over a long period of time.

00:03:05.000 Didn't you have like a real shoulder injury or something?

00:03:08.000 Yeah, I got surgery.

00:03:09.000 What was wrong with your shoulder?

00:03:10.000 The cartilage can just wear out sometimes in between your...

00:03:14.000 There's three bones that come together in your shoulder.

00:03:17.000 Clavicle and whatever the other two are.

00:03:20.000 And so they basically go in and in two different spots they go into your shoulder and they just saw away the tips of the bones.

00:03:30.000 And then scar tissue forms on each bone and it acts as a new cartilage.

00:03:35.000 Whoa.

00:03:35.000 And you know what?

00:03:36.000 Fucking arm is good as new. 1.00

00:03:38.000 Unbelievable. 1.00

00:03:39.000 Yeah.

00:03:40.000 Wow.

00:03:41.000 How strange.

00:03:42.000 Everything was great.

00:03:42.000 Other than getting hooked on Vicodin, everything about it was very positive.

00:03:45.000 How long was it hooked on Vicodin?

00:03:47.000 Nine months.

00:03:48.000 Whoa.

00:03:49.000 It's unbelievable how many doctors will prescribe you Vicodin if you ask.

00:03:53.000 Yeah.

00:03:54.000 The surgeon, the primary care physician, the physical therapist, and then I go to a psychopharmacologist for my other little mood needs. 0.99

00:04:05.000 And I don't know why this motherfucker started writing me scripts too. 0.99

00:04:08.000 For pain. 1.00

00:04:09.000 Then you got friends.

00:04:10.000 Every friend's got a medicine cabinet, Joe Rogan.

00:04:15.000 Let me make an announcement right now.

00:04:16.000 If you're a friend of mine and you had me over in 2013, you may want to restock your...

00:04:24.000 Your barbiturate supply.

00:04:26.000 Did you go into people's cabinet and just scoop a few out?

00:04:29.000 Oh no!

00:04:31.000 It was bad.

00:04:32.000 I was bad.

00:04:33.000 That was only three years ago?

00:04:34.000 No, it was probably five, five, six years ago.

00:04:36.000 Wow.

00:04:37.000 Yeah.

00:04:37.000 Oh my god.

00:04:38.000 And I even drank in, you know, 25 years.

00:04:40.000 So was it a slow, creepy thing where it slowly crept in on you?

00:04:45.000 How did you realize it had you?

00:04:47.000 You don't realize until you stop for a few days and you go dark.

00:04:51.000 If you don't take it for a few days, you get so close to suicidal.

00:04:57.000 Whoa! 0.71

00:04:58.000 Because what happens is your receptors for your dopamine get clogged by barbiturates.

00:05:07.000 So if you stop taking them, the dopamine can't get into those receptor holes.

00:05:13.000 Whoa.

00:05:13.000 Because they're filled, yeah.

00:05:14.000 So you can't feel happiness until eventually those go away, and that's why it's so hard to kick.

00:05:20.000 Oh my God.

00:05:21.000 Yeah.

00:05:22.000 So how did you kick it?

00:05:23.000 Just went dark, white-knuckled it like I did drinking.

00:05:26.000 That is how you did it.

00:05:27.000 I remember when you did drinking like that.

00:05:29.000 Well, I met you right after you did that.

00:05:30.000 I think when I met you, you were still drinking, and then right after I met you, quit.

00:05:36.000 Yeah, that's right.

00:05:37.000 That's exactly right.

00:05:38.000 And I was amazed.

00:05:39.000 I know a lot of people.

00:05:41.000 Most people, it's a struggle.

00:05:43.000 You have to go through therapy.

00:05:45.000 You have to go through AA. You have to go through all this.

00:05:47.000 But you just knocked it off.

00:05:49.000 Well, I did do therapy.

00:05:51.000 And also, my dad was an alcoholic.

00:05:53.000 So I had gone to Al-Anon meetings for probably about a year before I quit.

00:05:59.000 Also, you knew the consequences.

00:06:00.000 I knew the consequences.

00:06:02.000 I also knew the steps.

00:06:03.000 Once you learn the steps, it becomes like, okay, I know what I need to do.

00:06:07.000 I need to acknowledge that I have a problem.

00:06:08.000 I need to work on whatever my higher power is.

00:06:11.000 I went through it without going to...

00:06:14.000 Because I went to some meetings and it was just like, too many guys.

00:06:17.000 You know those old bits those guys in Boston would do about...

00:06:21.000 What was the guy's name?

00:06:23.000 Teddy Bergeron?

00:06:24.000 Oh, yeah.

00:06:25.000 And he's like, you see these guys at these meetings and they act like they got it all figured out.

00:06:29.000 They're standing up there like...

00:06:30.000 And I can proudly say after 15 years, I no longer crave alcohol.

00:06:37.000 And he's like, I'm in the back and I crack a soda.

00:06:39.000 They're like, where is it?

00:06:46.000 Teddy Bergeron. 1.00

00:06:48.000 Ah, fuck, man. 1.00

00:06:49.000 How many times have we talked about him on the podcast? 1.00

00:06:51.000 Oh, not enough.

00:06:51.000 But he's one of the all-time greats that people just never found out about.

00:06:56.000 Yeah, the most raw talent.

00:06:58.000 Jerry Lewis kind of talent where you just go like, oh yeah, this guy's special.

00:07:01.000 Jerry Lewis?

00:07:02.000 Jerry Lewis was a talented dude.

00:07:04.000 You don't see it?

00:07:06.000 Oh, I mean, sure.

00:07:07.000 They're not similar.

00:07:08.000 I just mean God-given talent.

00:07:10.000 But a weird comparison.

00:07:12.000 Why'd you go with Jerry Lewis?

00:07:13.000 I guess just the physicality.

00:07:15.000 They're almost like dancers, the way they can move on stage.

00:07:19.000 Teddy would just glide around in his hand movements, the way he'd slide.

00:07:23.000 It was just kind of elegant.

00:07:25.000 His timing was just impeccable.

00:07:28.000 I remember when I was an open mic night guy.

00:07:30.000 I just started, and Teddy did a set.

00:07:33.000 And he did a set, like, you know, just dropped in and did like 10 minutes. 0.99

00:07:37.000 And I remember thinking, I fucking know nothing. 0.98

00:07:40.000 I don't understand anything. 0.99

00:07:42.000 I barely, I shouldn't even be up there.

00:07:43.000 Yeah.

00:07:43.000 I shouldn't even be allowed to do this.

00:07:45.000 Yeah.

00:07:45.000 But he, the pills got that guy.

00:07:47.000 I watched that.

00:07:48.000 Yeah.

00:07:48.000 I watched, I remember the Matapois it in?

00:07:51.000 Yeah.

00:07:52.000 Do you remember that gig?

00:07:53.000 Yeah, down by Rhode Island.

00:07:53.000 Scott Papakuri used to have that gig.

00:07:55.000 Yeah.

00:07:56.000 And he booked me and Teddy.

00:07:58.000 Well, it was like a classy, old hotel.

00:08:02.000 Yeah.

00:08:02.000 Well, it was like a kind of bed and breakfast or something like that, right?

00:08:05.000 So it had downstairs, it had this little showroom, and it was real tight seating and small.

00:08:10.000 It was an excellent gig.

00:08:11.000 Like, when you got the gig, you were psyched.

00:08:12.000 It was a great gig.

00:08:13.000 And it was in kind of like a resort-y sort of vacation-y area.

00:08:16.000 So people were partying, having a good time.

00:08:19.000 So it was a fun crowd.

00:08:20.000 And I remember Teddy showed up and he was just zonked, zonked out on pills.

00:08:26.000 And it was just so sad to watch.

00:08:28.000 It was like, this guy was an all-time great.

00:08:30.000 And he was just so out of it, man.

00:08:33.000 Yeah.

00:08:33.000 I remember being up at the Andover.

00:08:37.000 Who was the club?

00:08:38.000 It was a Dick Daugherty gig.

00:08:39.000 It was at a club called Chickland.

00:08:42.000 And what was it?

00:08:44.000 Something Grill.

00:08:46.000 Grill 93?

00:08:47.000 Yeah, something like that.

00:08:48.000 99 or 93. Yeah.

00:08:50.000 And so Teddy comes in on Friday night, and he's late as shit. 0.88

00:08:55.000 I'm the feature, and I'm stretching with material I don't have.

00:08:57.000 I'm doing your material at this point.

00:08:59.000 I got my hand above my head doing my Revere Girl impression.

00:09:03.000 And he comes in late and then I see him talk to the club owner.

00:09:06.000 He's like, I wouldn't be able to happen.

00:09:09.000 I'm coming up 93 North and this guy side swipes me, knocks off my mirror.

00:09:14.000 This is after the show.

00:09:15.000 He says, come out and look at my car.

00:09:16.000 And we got to the car and his side mirror is hanging off.

00:09:19.000 And the club owner is like, alright.

00:09:21.000 So Saturday night comes.

00:09:23.000 I'm up there.

00:09:24.000 I get the stretch sign again.

00:09:26.000 I gotta do another half hour.

00:09:28.000 Teddy shows up and he walks in and he goes, I got side swiped on 93 North.

00:09:32.000 You gotta see my side view mirror.

00:09:33.000 The guy's like, are you kidding? 0.98

00:09:35.000 He's like, no, it just fucking happened. 0.99

00:09:38.000 Oh, God. 0.99

00:09:39.000 He's like, wow.

00:09:39.000 So he was so out of it, if you're God, he told the same lie two nights in a row.

00:09:42.000 That's his move. 1.00

00:09:43.000 Just kicked his fucking mirror. 1.00

00:09:48.000 Pills, man. 1.00

00:09:50.000 You were swiping them from your friends.

00:09:52.000 Oh, yeah.

00:09:52.000 It was ugly.

00:09:54.000 Brendan Shaw, my friend, had a nose job.

00:09:57.000 His nose got broken in a UFC fight, and he got hooked on pain pills.

00:10:03.000 He's Brian's partner.

00:10:04.000 Yeah, on Fighter and Kid.

00:10:06.000 What was he hooked on?

00:10:08.000 Oxys, I think it was.

00:10:10.000 Oxy is where you can't turn back. 1.00

00:10:12.000 That's the fucking hardcore. 1.00

00:10:13.000 Really? 1.00

00:10:14.000 Yeah, you start out with oxycodone.

00:10:16.000 It's a little bit lighter.

00:10:17.000 Then you get into Vicodin and, you know...

00:10:20.000 We had those guys on Chris and Mark Bell from Prescription Thugs.

00:10:23.000 It's a new documentary that's out now on iTunes.

00:10:26.000 They're the same guys who did Bigger, Stronger, Faster and Trophy Kids.

00:10:30.000 Great guys.

00:10:31.000 Great documentary guys.

00:10:33.000 While this guy's doing the documentary, he's doing a documentary around prescription drugs and how many people get prescribed them and how insane the business is and how over-prescribed they are.

00:10:41.000 While he's doing it, he has to get hip replacement surgery and he gets hooked on pills. 1.00

00:10:46.000 Shit. 1.00

00:10:46.000 While he's doing the documentary, he's hooked on pills. 1.00

00:10:50.000 Yeah.

00:10:50.000 And he's got to, like, kind of cover it up, and he's got a hot...

00:10:53.000 He's embarrassed, because, like, he's trying to put together this documentary, and he's hooked on pills, and then finally, in the documentary, once he becomes clean, then he just comes clean in the documentary and explains...

00:11:04.000 Oh, wow!

00:11:04.000 ...I was on pills.

00:11:05.000 Wow, that's amazing. 0.99

00:11:06.000 Yeah, he takes you out to his car, and he shows you his car, like, how he fucking collided into shit when he was all pilled up. 0.99

00:11:12.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:11:13.000 And he shows all the dents and his headlights hanging off and shit. 0.95

00:11:15.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:11:16.000 It's dark, man.

00:11:17.000 Well, Philip Seymour Hoffman got back on drugs because he was doing a role that was very...

00:11:21.000 Was he on drugs in the role or was he drunk?

00:11:24.000 But whatever it was, he'd been sober for like 20 years.

00:11:28.000 And going into this place night after night doing this play, he started taking pills again.

00:11:33.000 Oh.

00:11:34.000 I just don't get why doctors prescribe pills to somebody who's a known addict. 0.99

00:11:39.000 They don't give a fuck. 1.00

00:11:41.000 They don't give a shit. 1.00

00:11:42.000 I think doctors get so used to people being sick and people dying, and it just becomes normal to them. 1.00

00:11:49.000 I had this woman, Dr. Rhonda Patrick, in the other day. 1.00

00:11:53.000 She's a research scientist, and she was talking about A lot of the experiments that they had to do where they had to kill mice.

00:11:58.000 And when she first started doing these experiments, she would get really sad and she'd cry and it was just really upsetting. 0.99

00:12:05.000 After a couple months, she's just gassing these motherfuckers like it's Auschwitz. 1.00

00:12:09.000 She didn't even care. 1.00

00:12:10.000 You just get totally used to it.

00:12:11.000 And I think for doctors, you're a doctor for 10 years, 20 years, 30 years, 40 years.

00:12:17.000 All these patients are sick and We're good to go. 0.98

00:12:29.000 You're just a mouse. 0.99

00:12:30.000 Here, have some cheese and some pills. 0.94

00:12:32.000 Chris Bell, the guy who made that documentary, just sent me a text yesterday saying that...

00:12:37.000 I'll forward it to you, Jamie, and you can put it up here.

00:12:41.000 But he was saying that there's a new law that just got passed.

00:12:46.000 Doctors are urged...

00:12:47.000 Okay, this is what it is.

00:12:48.000 It's on USA Today.

00:12:50.000 You can find it from yesterday.

00:12:53.000 New guidelines for prescription to reduce abuse and overdoses.

00:12:58.000 So they're urging doctors to try to do something about this because they're finally starting to realize.

00:13:05.000 And I think a lot of it is just because of all these documentaries and all these internet blogs that are coming out and YouTube videos and all these news stories where people are really kind of grasping the magnitude of this problem.

00:13:20.000 I just don't understand why there's not one database where you can't have multiple doctors writing prescriptions for the same patient.

00:13:27.000 I mean, if you go to CVS or Rite Aid, there should be a listing of any time you were specifically for opiates.

00:13:35.000 There isn't?

00:13:35.000 No!

00:13:36.000 Fuck no! 1.00

00:13:36.000 I mean, it didn't stop me! 1.00

00:13:39.000 And I can remember getting a fresh bottle, you know, with 30 pills in it and just holding your hand like, oh, fuck yeah. 0.99

00:13:45.000 Joy. 0.98

00:13:45.000 A bottle of joy. 0.98

00:13:46.000 You never took anything like that?

00:13:48.000 No, never.

00:13:48.000 I took one time when I had my knee operated on, my first knee operation, which was a patella tendon graft, which is particularly painful because they take a piece of bone out of your shin and a piece of bone out of your kneecap.

00:14:02.000 And it's attached to a strip of your patella tendon.

00:14:06.000 Your patella tendon is a large tendon that's in the front of your knee.

00:14:09.000 It's this one that goes from your knee down to your shin, right here, the fat one.

00:14:14.000 And what they do is they take a slice out of that, and then they open you up like a fish, and then they use that slice, and that replaces your ACL. So that becomes a new ACL. Because this patella tendon graft is really big, and it's really strong.

00:14:27.000 You don't need the whole thing.

00:14:28.000 So they take a slice of that and it creates a new ACL. And the pain was pretty insane around the places where they cut the bone out.

00:14:36.000 Yeah.

00:14:36.000 It was just like fire.

00:14:38.000 So they gave me something.

00:14:39.000 I don't remember if it was Vicodin or Percocet. 0.98

00:14:41.000 But I remember I took it once and I felt so stupid.

00:14:46.000 Like, I was just like, I think it was Vicodin. 0.99

00:14:49.000 I was so dumb. 0.94

00:14:50.000 I mean, maybe it's just my own biology, the way I reacted to it. 0.99

00:14:53.000 I was like, I'd rather take the pain.

00:14:55.000 So I sold him to this dude at the pool hall.

00:14:58.000 This guy named Jeff.

00:14:59.000 This guy Jeff, he always, he would buy and sell pills.

00:15:02.000 He was the pill head. 1.00

00:15:03.000 He looked like a classic dirt bag from a fucking Beavis and Butthead cartoon. 1.00

00:15:08.000 He had long hair that would go down like this and one of those mustaches that curled all the way down to the bottom where his chin connected. 1.00

00:15:18.000 He was such a dirtbag, this guy. 0.90

00:15:20.000 He had a pickup truck, rusted out. 0.98

00:15:22.000 Probably had one of those El Caminos.

00:15:24.000 Probably didn't have a real pickup truck.

00:15:28.000 And he would drink beer out of the back of it with some friends near the beach.

00:15:31.000 Oh, yeah, definitely. 0.99

00:15:31.000 He was such a dirtbag. 0.99

00:15:32.000 Nice guy, though. 0.96

00:15:33.000 But he was just a classic, classic guy. 0.95

00:15:37.000 And I was like, I can't fucking take these things. 0.91

00:15:39.000 He goes, you got them at home? 0.99

00:15:40.000 Bring them in, I'll buy them off you.

00:15:42.000 I'm like, alright.

00:15:43.000 So I sold them.

00:15:44.000 I became a drug dealer.

00:15:45.000 Did you give him the bottle with your name on it?

00:15:48.000 Oh, yeah. 0.99

00:15:50.000 Who the fuck was I back then? 0.99

00:15:51.000 I stand behind my... 0.99

00:15:52.000 I was a nobody, you know?

00:15:54.000 It wasn't like me today or anything with my address or anything.

00:15:56.000 I was just a struggling stand-up comedian who liked to play pool.

00:16:00.000 Selling drugs. 0.97

00:16:01.000 Selling drugs to a dirtbag.

00:16:03.000 Slinging opiates at the pool hall.

00:16:05.000 Yeah, I was psyched to get that money too.

00:16:07.000 Hell yeah.

00:16:08.000 It's interesting what 50 bucks is when you really need it versus 50 bucks when you don't need it.

00:16:15.000 Money loses, it doesn't mean anything.

00:16:18.000 That's why I never understand someone that works incredibly hard but they're already insanely wealthy and And they're doing something they don't enjoy doing.

00:16:29.000 They're constantly trying to conquer and build a business and keep going and going.

00:16:34.000 But they already have billions of dollars and what they're doing is making them miserable.

00:16:39.000 Not only that, take it to a next level where you got a guy like the Koch brothers.

00:16:43.000 Yes.

00:16:43.000 And they are not only working way harder than they need to.

00:16:46.000 They've already covered the next 50 generations of kids that never have to work in their family.

00:16:52.000 But they're killing the planet. 1.00

00:16:55.000 So if you're thinking about a legacy for your great-great-grandkids, they're going to live in a 140-degree Earth with no water, surrounded by fucking, you know, killers. 1.00

00:17:04.000 Mad Max. 0.99

00:17:06.000 Do you think that's what's going to happen?

00:17:08.000 I think so.

00:17:11.000 Yeah.

00:17:12.000 You think it's all going to fall apart?

00:17:13.000 I'm not stressed out about it.

00:17:15.000 I just feel like it's going to happen.

00:17:17.000 I'm going to encourage my kids not to reproduce.

00:17:19.000 I think that they're going to skate through.

00:17:21.000 There'll be a lot of terrorism and there's going to be a lot of flooding and some crazy storms.

00:17:27.000 Third world countries are all going to be in an upheaval because the environment is going to affect the poor first. 0.98

00:17:34.000 Of course.

00:17:35.000 I wonder how much of it is blown out of proportion and how much of it can be mitigated by new discoveries and new science and new technology.

00:17:42.000 Solar power. 0.97

00:17:44.000 Did you know, did you know, I didn't know this until Eddie Bravo came over here and I went down the goddamn rabbit hole about Rockefeller. 0.99

00:17:51.000 His grandson? 0.98

00:17:52.000 Well, yeah.

00:17:53.000 Did you know that Rockefeller made, there was a conspiracy to get people to use oil instead of alcohol, and that most combustion engines work on alcohol.

00:18:04.000 Right.

00:18:05.000 And they work just as good, if not better, on alcohol than they do on gasoline.

00:18:10.000 Right.

00:18:10.000 And alcohol, obviously, you don't need fossil fuels, you don't need, or whatever you want to call it.

00:18:14.000 You can use any kind of vegetable.

00:18:16.000 Yeah.

00:18:17.000 Corn, you know?

00:18:18.000 They run just as good on that.

00:18:19.000 Yep. 1.00

00:18:20.000 What the fuck? 1.00

00:18:22.000 Yeah, I mean, he... 0.99

00:18:23.000 Well, between him doing that and then, you know, Ford...

00:18:27.000 Didn't Ford buy up all the train tracks in Los Angeles to create a car society instead of a train society?

00:18:34.000 Yeah, there's some sort of conspiracy like that where the automotive industry...

00:18:38.000 No, I don't think it's conspiracy.

00:18:39.000 I think it definitely happened.

00:18:41.000 I don't mean that it's a conspiracy that it didn't exist.

00:18:43.000 I mean, they conspired.

00:18:44.000 Oh, that they conspired.

00:18:45.000 Yeah, they did conspire to do something like that.

00:18:48.000 I don't know too much about that, though.

00:18:50.000 There's a film about it, the killing of the car or something, yeah.

00:18:55.000 Well, that's different.

00:18:56.000 That's a late model.

00:18:57.000 That's who killed the electric car.

00:18:58.000 That was when the electric car first... 0.95

00:18:59.000 See, they had electric cars a long fucking time ago.

00:19:03.000 Oh yeah, I went to the Museum of Cars and the first cars were electric.

00:19:07.000 Yeah.

00:19:07.000 Henry Ford had fenders that were made out of hemp.

00:19:10.000 That was something we covered the other day. 1.00

00:19:12.000 No shit! 1.00

00:19:12.000 Yeah, you could hit him with a hammer. 1.00

00:19:13.000 Wow. 0.97

00:19:14.000 There's videos of him whacking these fenders with a hammer.

00:19:17.000 Because hemp fiber is insanely powerful and unbelievably strong and really lightweight.

00:19:23.000 More powerful than fiberglass, stronger than...

00:19:25.000 I mean, it's amazing, amazing stuff. 0.98

00:19:27.000 And so he's hitting it with a fucking hammer, and the hammer is bouncing off this hemp fender that he had. 0.99

00:19:31.000 Wow. 1.00

00:19:32.000 No shit. 0.99

00:19:33.000 Well, back then, man, they were all jockeying for control of this emerging industry, and they didn't see anything bad about just trying to control the market. 1.00

00:19:41.000 Like, fuck these trains. 1.00

00:19:43.000 Fuck your tracks. 1.00

00:19:45.000 I want everybody to have cars. 1.00

00:19:46.000 Like, they didn't think one day it was going to heat up the planet and polar bears are going to drown.

00:19:50.000 Yeah, of course. 0.98

00:19:52.000 I mean, if they could have seen a poster of fucking, you know, polar bears stuck on a little, what do you call those? 0.99

00:20:00.000 Ice floats? 0.99

00:20:01.000 Yeah, ice floats. 0.97

00:20:02.000 Did you see that video they got recently of a polar bear chasing down a female and her cub and eating the cub in front of her?

00:20:09.000 No!

00:20:10.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:20:11.000 Holy shit. 1.00

00:20:12.000 Yeah, these explorers were there. 0.99

00:20:14.000 It was either explorers or it might have been a cruise.

00:20:16.000 But they watched it and they were screaming.

00:20:18.000 They're like, no, no!

00:20:21.000 And he just chases down the female and she's running full clip but she's got the cub with her and the cub can't run that fast and finally he grabs the cub and eats it.

00:20:28.000 He eats it right in front of her.

00:20:30.000 You think it was his child?

00:20:31.000 It doesn't matter. 1.00

00:20:32.000 They don't give a fuck. 1.00

00:20:33.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:20:33.000 They don't give a fuck. 1.00

00:20:34.000 All bears are cannibals. 0.99

00:20:36.000 Yeah.

00:20:36.000 You know, there's a real problem with movies like Zootopia, which I took my kids to see the other day, which is really adorable.

00:20:42.000 Very cute movie. 0.93

00:20:43.000 Not a problem with the movie, but a problem with what comes out of that movie and these fucking, what would you do for a Klondike bar ads and these things that anthropomorphize animals. 0.92

00:20:53.000 Here it is right now if you want to watch it. 0.96

00:20:56.000 See, that's the mother and the cub running, full clip, and there's the big daddy running behind it.

00:21:02.000 Right, so we're just going to watch it on the screen.

00:21:05.000 Can you go full screen with it, though?

00:21:07.000 I did, and it's not going for some reason.

00:21:09.000 Oh, okay.

00:21:10.000 That's the mom trying to head off the... 1.00

00:21:12.000 Yeah, trying, but he's like, get out of here, bitch. 1.00

00:21:14.000 She can't do anything. 1.00

00:21:15.000 He's like twice her size.

00:21:17.000 If you want to stay tuned, there it is.

00:21:19.000 Boom.

00:21:20.000 That's what they do.

00:21:23.000 It's awful.

00:21:24.000 They eat them.

00:21:25.000 When bears come out of hibernation, one of the first things they do is head for the cubs.

00:21:33.000 Really?

00:21:33.000 The male bears immediately go and kill the cubs.

00:21:36.000 They eat them.

00:21:37.000 The mom is trying to put up a fight. 1.00

00:21:39.000 A little bit.

00:21:40.000 But she's just so much smaller.

00:21:41.000 She's scared.

00:21:42.000 And she knows the baby's already dead.

00:21:44.000 There's nothing she can do.

00:21:45.000 So she turns and then just runs. 1.00

00:21:47.000 She realizes at a certain point in time this motherfucker might eat her too. 1.00

00:21:50.000 Which does happen, by the way. 1.00

00:21:52.000 Really?

00:21:52.000 Yeah, they cannibalize each other.

00:21:54.000 They kill each other and cannibalize each other.

00:21:56.000 Oftentimes when you hunt bears, if you kill one bear and you leave it to go back and get a truck to pull it out of the woods, when you do that you come back and other bears will be eating it.

00:22:08.000 Bears are all cannibals. 0.79

00:22:09.000 But my point was that, like, people have this idea of what these wild animals are, that, you know, they live in harmony, in nature, and it's chaos.

00:22:18.000 Smokey the bear.

00:22:20.000 Yeah, it's chaos and conflict and murder all day long.

00:22:23.000 And cannibalism, especially bears.

00:22:25.000 100% cannibals.

00:22:26.000 Yeah.

00:22:27.000 All of them.

00:22:27.000 When we were in Alberta, my friend who runs a hunting camp up there watched a male bear kill a cub In front of the female.

00:22:36.000 The female tried to fight him off. 1.00

00:22:38.000 The male bear killed the cub.

00:22:39.000 She chased him off eventually, and then she went and finished the cub off and ate it. 1.00

00:22:43.000 Oh, no shit. 1.00

00:22:44.000 She ate her own cub. 1.00

00:22:45.000 Wow.

00:22:46.000 Yeah, wow. 1.00

00:22:48.000 Damn. 1.00

00:22:48.000 That's harsh, man. 1.00

00:22:50.000 Harsh.

00:22:51.000 I've gotten mad at my kids, but I pull up a little short of that.

00:22:54.000 Well, I don't think the male was the father.

00:22:57.000 He might have been, but who knows?

00:22:58.000 He might not even know.

00:22:59.000 I don't think she probably knew either. 1.00

00:23:01.000 Yeah, I thought some bears just ate berries and shit. 0.99

00:23:04.000 No. 1.00

00:23:05.000 No.

00:23:05.000 All bears eat meat.

00:23:06.000 Well, all North American bears.

00:23:08.000 They don't eat meat exclusively, but they're omnivores, except polar bears.

00:23:13.000 Polar bears are 100% predator.

00:23:15.000 They're the only bear that doesn't eat anything but meat.

00:23:18.000 They don't have anything up there.

00:23:20.000 There's no vegetables, so everything they eat is just meat.

00:23:22.000 They eat seals and anything that fucks up.

00:23:24.000 Yeah, when you look at the territories that certain animals need, like they were doing a thing about mountain lions in Los Angeles.

00:23:35.000 And each mountain lion needs like 20 square miles of territory just for him.

00:23:41.000 And if you get within that, it's a fight to the death.

00:23:44.000 That's it.

00:23:45.000 Those are the stakes.

00:23:46.000 And so this one mountain lion was living up in the Santa Monica Mountains, like above the Palisades, Malibu.

00:23:52.000 And he somehow, because they tag him, he somehow ended up over in Griffith Park.

00:23:58.000 Yeah.

00:23:59.000 He crossed the 405. Did you see what he did?

00:24:02.000 He killed a koala bear.

00:24:05.000 Oh no!

00:24:07.000 He climbed a fence.

00:24:08.000 He climbed a 12 foot tall fence covered with barbed wire.

00:24:12.000 Got over the fence and killed a koala bear and ate it.

00:24:15.000 Good for him.

00:24:17.000 You know?

00:24:18.000 Where there's a will, there's a way.

00:24:20.000 Well, they found these mountain lions in San Francisco.

00:24:23.000 You know, because California doesn't have hunting laws for mountain lions, I mean, they have laws against it.

00:24:29.000 You cannot hunt mountain lions, which wildlife biologists are seriously against, because when you can't control predator populations, they just breed and breed and breed until it becomes too many of them.

00:24:40.000 Like, they don't have any predators other than man.

00:24:42.000 So, you know, people could say, well, let nature balance and take its...

00:24:46.000 Well, that means they move into your neighborhood and eat your friends.

00:24:49.000 We're part of the balance.

00:24:50.000 Yes, we're part of the balance. 0.99

00:24:51.000 And we think we're not because we have the internet and a fucking cell phone, but the reality is they don't give a shit about that. 0.99

00:24:56.000 So anyway, these mountain lions that they've been killing, because what they have to do is when they invade neighborhoods and start killing dogs and threatening people, they have to kill them. 0.99

00:25:04.000 Well, they killed over a hundred of them in the last year.

00:25:07.000 Yeah? 1.00

00:25:07.000 Yeah, they have to shoot them. 1.00

00:25:09.000 They just do it privately. 0.99

00:25:10.000 They don't talk about it.

00:25:11.000 It doesn't make the news.

00:25:12.000 But when they shot them, they found out that their primary diet is pets.

00:25:17.000 Yeah, of course.

00:25:18.000 Cats, dogs.

00:25:19.000 That's their primary diet.

00:25:20.000 There's only a small percentage of deer in their bellies.

00:25:25.000 Did you ever see any cats around your house? 0.99

00:25:27.000 I've never seen a cat around my house, but I saw a cat that killed my dog in Colorado, and I saw another mountain lion in Santa Barbara on a fucking residential road. 0.99

00:25:37.000 Yeah? 0.99

00:25:37.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:25:38.000 Big?

00:25:38.000 It wasn't that big.

00:25:39.000 It was like a small dog, like 50, 60 pounds, something like that, but it was big enough to freak me the fuck out. 0.74

00:25:46.000 Yeah, but people know in the valley you don't leave your dog out in your yard.

00:25:49.000 No.

00:25:49.000 You just don't.

00:25:49.000 Yeah, you can't.

00:25:50.000 It'll be fucking gone. 0.99

00:25:51.000 Well, coyotes mostly. 1.00

00:25:53.000 Yeah.

00:25:53.000 But the mountain lion that I saw in Santa Monica, or Santa Barbara rather, looked like a coyote.

00:25:59.000 It was that size.

00:26:00.000 It wasn't that big.

00:26:00.000 I thought it was a coyote and then I saw the tail.

00:26:02.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:26:02.000 And I was like, oh shit, that's a cat. 0.99

00:26:04.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:26:05.000 Seeing a cat is so much creepier than seeing a coyote.

00:26:08.000 Yeah.

00:26:09.000 Because you know that they... 0.98

00:26:10.000 Like a coyote, I'm pretty sure I could fuck up a coyote. 0.98

00:26:13.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:26:13.000 You know, if a coyote jumped on me, I know I'd just grab him by his tail and smash his fucking head off the ground. 1.00

00:26:19.000 I'd figure out a way to win. 1.00

00:26:20.000 I'd probably get bit.

00:26:21.000 I think it's...

00:26:21.000 I think it's because of Bugs Bunny and, you know, the Wile E. Coyote.

00:26:25.000 He was such a doof. 1.00

00:26:26.000 You just can't take the breed seriously now. 0.68

00:26:28.000 Well, they're scary.

00:26:29.000 I mean, if a coyote wanted to kill you, it would be a real... 1.00

00:26:31.000 I mean, if a rat wanted to kill you, it'd be a real fucking problem. 1.00

00:26:34.000 Right. 1.00

00:26:35.000 But I'm pretty sure if you could snap and get into full rage, psychopath mode, you could probably kill a coyote. 0.99

00:26:41.000 Yeah. 0.96

00:26:42.000 But not a cat. 1.00

00:26:43.000 I think a mountain lion, you'd be fucked. 1.00

00:26:45.000 A 50-pound mountain lion, you'd be fucked. 1.00

00:26:48.000 And they spring so fucking fast. 1.00

00:26:50.000 So fast. 0.68

00:26:51.000 Yeah.

00:26:51.000 They're so fast and they're so powerful.

00:26:53.000 And if you look at their bodies in comparison to like, they're like one of the most powerful cats, pound for pound.

00:26:59.000 They have enormous wrists and forearms.

00:27:02.000 And their shoulders are ripped.

00:27:05.000 I try to get shoulders like that at the gym.

00:27:07.000 I say to my trainer, I want mountain lion shoulders.

00:27:10.000 And so...

00:27:13.000 They have a machine, you know?

00:27:15.000 A shoulder machine?

00:27:16.000 The shoulder machine that's the mountain lion when you put it in and there's little paws and you growl and you put on...

00:27:23.000 You know what just happened?

00:27:24.000 There were people dressed as animals at...

00:27:26.000 I just did the Addison Improv.

00:27:29.000 Good club.

00:27:30.000 Great club.

00:27:32.000 And there was a convention going on at my hotel.

00:27:34.000 Furries?

00:27:35.000 Furries.

00:27:35.000 There were hundreds of furries and they were fantastic.

00:27:39.000 They had like, you know, one is a zebra, a lot of like unicorns and fucking rabbits. 0.99

00:27:46.000 All mascots, right? 0.99

00:27:47.000 Yeah, it looked like a bunch of college mascots, but then some of them, then you saw the dark side creep in, like some of them had little studded collars on, because apparently at night shit gets a little weird with some of them. 0.99

00:27:59.000 You know, there's holes in the costume, and there's some furry sex going on. 0.99

00:28:04.000 A lot of furry sex. 0.99

00:28:05.000 Yeah, but they were great. 0.99

00:28:06.000 I took pictures with like a hundred of them.

00:28:08.000 I just kept asking.

00:28:09.000 And the thing is, they're really into hugging.

00:28:12.000 Like, the rule is, if you just ask, any of them will hug you.

00:28:15.000 Really?

00:28:15.000 And I would go downstairs and get a cup of coffee.

00:28:17.000 I'd hug, like, three fucking guys. 1.00

00:28:19.000 That's hilarious. 1.00

00:28:22.000 Can I have a hug?

00:28:23.000 Sure.

00:28:24.000 They just wrap their arms around you and pat you on the back.

00:28:26.000 And they all had their helmets on?

00:28:27.000 Oh, they keep them on. 1.00

00:28:28.000 Yeah, they don't fuck around. 0.99

00:28:29.000 When they're drinking the coffee, do they keep it on? 1.00

00:28:31.000 They don't drink anything.

00:28:32.000 Oh, you were drinking the coffee.

00:28:33.000 Yeah, I did, but I was talking to the bartender down. 0.71

00:28:35.000 I was having lunch downstairs.

00:28:36.000 I was like, these guys drink a lot.

00:28:37.000 He's like, I've sold one beer in the last day to these people.

00:28:41.000 They're just uber nerds. 0.76

00:28:43.000 Whoa.

00:28:44.000 Uber nerds. 0.70

00:28:45.000 They all have like, the ones I saw out of costume had like just those pale, puffy faces that look like they're just, the only light they've gotten is off a computer screen over the last 10 years.

00:28:56.000 And they're really like Asperger's-y.

00:28:59.000 You know, we'd be on the elevator and they're like, call out your floors!

00:29:02.000 And one guy goes, four, the other guy goes, eight.

00:29:05.000 Yeah, there we go!

00:29:07.000 Yeah!

00:29:09.000 It's so bizarre.

00:29:10.000 He goes, 8, 4, 4 is half of 8. We are all looking at Greg's Instagram right now.

00:29:18.000 Did you talk to them?

00:29:19.000 Oh yeah.

00:29:20.000 Did you ask them what's up?

00:29:22.000 Yeah, they said, you know, we're in my town.

00:29:25.000 I get made fun of because there's only two of us that do this.

00:29:28.000 And then I come here and I just feel like so free and so like, you know, among friends.

00:29:34.000 And there's a bunch of conventions that they go to, like Comic-Con type places.

00:29:39.000 And they get to know each other.

00:29:41.000 And, you know, it's like a whole community.

00:29:43.000 Good for them.

00:29:43.000 Yeah.

00:29:44.000 You know what I mean, man?

00:29:45.000 I mean, yeah, it's retarded, but no one's hurting them, or no one's getting hurt.

00:29:48.000 I'm jealous of anybody that finds, like, you've always had things you're passionate about, you know, whether it's taekwondo or, you know, mixed martial arts or whatever.

00:29:56.000 And it's like, to find something in your life, no matter what it is, that gives you a community and gives you something that you kind of grow in over time.

00:30:05.000 It's great.

00:30:06.000 It doesn't matter what it is.

00:30:07.000 You're jealous of that?

00:30:08.000 Yeah, I never had that.

00:30:09.000 You don't have that?

00:30:09.000 Never had that.

00:30:10.000 You have interest, though.

00:30:12.000 I think family became the only thing.

00:30:14.000 Well, stand-up, obviously.

00:30:16.000 But family is the only thing I ever got really into.

00:30:19.000 Like, long-term, committed, don't get sick of.

00:30:23.000 When you're old, you'll be happy that you made that choice.

00:30:26.000 Yeah.

00:30:26.000 Because there's a lot of people that made the different choice and got really obsessed with something else that led them away from their family.

00:30:33.000 Right, right.

00:30:33.000 And then they get older and they realize it was just bowling.

00:30:36.000 Right.

00:30:36.000 Like, why did I have to go bowl all over the world and miss my kids growing up?

00:30:41.000 Right.

00:30:42.000 Because I got really into bowling.

00:30:44.000 There's a dude who was a big showrunner here in L.A. And I was friends with him.

00:31:03.000 Are they related?

00:31:05.000 The horses and the killing himself?

00:31:07.000 Well, I think he was away from his family.

00:31:10.000 He was like, with his free time, that's how he was spending it.

00:31:15.000 Away all the time.

00:31:16.000 And that's the only thing I could think of that would cause it.

00:31:19.000 It's like, you ever sit down with your family, and this is the greatest guy.

00:31:22.000 I mean, I love this guy.

00:31:24.000 But it just made me think, like, the saddest times sometimes are when you're with your family, and for whatever reason you're not feeling connected.

00:31:31.000 You're just feeling like they're talking, and you're pretending to listen, but you're just in your head thinking, why don't I feel close right now?

00:31:39.000 And, you know, most times you don't feel like that, but once in a while you do.

00:31:42.000 And those are, like, the saddest moments in my life.

00:31:45.000 Because it's all right there in front of me.

00:31:47.000 And I can't touch it.

00:31:49.000 Ooh, that's deep.

00:31:51.000 Yeah.

00:31:51.000 Jesus.

00:31:53.000 I mean, obviously the guy's dead, so there's no way we could ever really know what his motive was or what the real big factor was that pushed him over the edge.

00:32:02.000 Yeah. 0.86

00:32:03.000 But I think sometimes people just aren't fucking happy. 0.93

00:32:07.000 And I think you can narrow it down to a couple different things, or it can be... 0.96

00:32:14.000 It could be a group of experiences from their life that they've never gotten over.

00:32:18.000 It could be breakups.

00:32:20.000 I know people that have been dumped in high school or college and just really never recovered.

00:32:26.000 They had a love and then that person just left them for someone else or something like that and then they never bounced back.

00:32:33.000 They fucking nosedived, went right into the rocks and just never came out of it. 0.96

00:32:37.000 Never had another relationship. 1.00

00:32:38.000 Dude, it's fucking, it's normal. 1.00

00:32:41.000 I mean, it happens. 0.99

00:32:42.000 And it wasn't about that, like you said, it wasn't about that relationship.

00:32:45.000 It was about what came before it.

00:32:47.000 Something set the stage for them to be that fragile.

00:32:50.000 That's the best way to say it.

00:32:51.000 Yeah, something set the stage.

00:32:52.000 Once I loved and it was a gas, soon turned out, had a heart of glass.

00:33:01.000 Rapture!

00:33:03.000 She was the first rapper.

00:33:05.000 She was!

00:33:06.000 Or one of them, right?

00:33:07.000 Well, no, she was hanging out with the Sugarhill Gang and all those guys.

00:33:13.000 Was she?

00:33:13.000 Yeah.

00:33:14.000 She hung out with them?

00:33:14.000 She hung out with the earliest rappers.

00:33:16.000 It was like at CBGB's and then she'd go uptown.

00:33:19.000 Wow.

00:33:20.000 And she wrapped it out.

00:33:21.000 The Sugarhill Gang happened, like it was popular when I was in...

00:33:26.000 I think I was in 7th or 8th grade.

00:33:30.000 I think I was in 7th grade.

00:33:32.000 I'm not sure.

00:33:33.000 One of those.

00:33:34.000 But when it happened, I remember we were in the cafeteria, and somehow or another someone had a boombox or something like that, and they were playing it in my junior high school.

00:33:41.000 It was when I was living in Jamaica playing.

00:33:44.000 My junior high school was super sketchy.

00:33:48.000 We'd lived in a very bad neighborhood.

00:33:51.000 And the Jamaica Plain has kind of become gentrified now a little bit.

00:33:55.000 But when I lived there, like in 1979, 1980, I guess is when I lived there. 0.99

00:34:02.000 It was shit. 0.99

00:34:03.000 It was not good. 1.00

00:34:04.000 And there was kids in our class.

00:34:06.000 When I was, I guess, like I said, I was 13. And there was a kid in my class that was 17. You're not cheating off him during a quiz.

00:34:17.000 It was weird like he was there for the first couple days and then he left and then he quit again.

00:34:22.000 He just never never stuck it out with school and he was there for a little while and he bailed and I was like and I remember that the feeling of sadness and I remember a girl in my class was kind of a hoe. 0.99

00:34:33.000 She was also a little bit older.

00:34:35.000 She was she was 16 and she's in the 13 year old class, right?

00:34:39.000 And she asked the teacher She goes, if you're making out with someone and you breathe out and they breathe it in and they breathe out and you breathe it in, do you need any more air? 0.98

00:34:52.000 It's a good fucking question. 1.00

00:34:53.000 It's not a bad question, but I remember thinking, man, this bitch gets fucked a lot. 1.00

00:35:00.000 That's all I was thinking. 1.00

00:35:02.000 She's like, I'm tired of regular air. 1.00

00:35:04.000 I just want air only from people who are fucking me. 1.00

00:35:08.000 If your uncle exhales and you... 1.00

00:35:11.000 I mean, you know, hypothetically.

00:35:14.000 Not my uncle. 0.98

00:35:16.000 Hypothetically, if you're in the basement and your uncle is whispering into your mouth... 0.99

00:35:22.000 Like, what a crazy question.

00:35:24.000 Like, if you could just breathe each other's air back and forth.

00:35:26.000 And the science teacher, who she asked a question to, had to explain that you breathe out carbon dioxide.

00:35:31.000 Yeah.

00:35:32.000 He was the first guy that really kind of blew my mind.

00:35:37.000 You know, you have those science teachers, or any kind of teacher, like when you're really young, that actually make an impression.

00:35:42.000 Oh, yeah.

00:35:42.000 Absolutely.

00:35:43.000 I wish I could remember this guy's name, but he was a Vietnam vet.

00:35:46.000 And he... 0.95

00:35:49.000 He was a very interesting guy because he was very calm, but people didn't fuck with him. 0.81

00:35:55.000 He had this weird air, but he had a beard, which I always thought was weird. 0.70

00:35:59.000 It was back when people didn't have beards, like a hipster beard.

00:36:02.000 And I remember he said, if you really want to understand how strange the world is, just go outside and And look up and understand that there's no end to that.

00:36:14.000 That it goes on forever.

00:36:16.000 And just, you want to hurt your brain?

00:36:17.000 Go outside and look up at the sky and realize that space is infinite, which means there's no end to it.

00:36:24.000 And I remember the whole class, you know, two 16-year-olds and the rest of us were like 13. We're just sitting there like, what the fuck? 0.99

00:36:32.000 There's no end. 0.99

00:36:33.000 Like, how come nobody ever explained that to me?

00:36:34.000 I never even thought about it before.

00:36:36.000 I always knew the universe was big.

00:36:38.000 I always knew space was big.

00:36:39.000 But when he said that, like, no end.

00:36:42.000 Like, you start thinking, okay, and then further, and then further, and then further, and there's no wall.

00:36:47.000 There's no end.

00:36:48.000 Yeah.

00:36:49.000 So there can't be an answer because it didn't come back.

00:36:51.000 Whatever question you sent out there can't come back because it's still going out there.

00:36:56.000 It's like when I think about whether or not there's a God, that's to me, I just think of the word infinity.

00:37:02.000 And I just think, all right, if science can ever grapple with that, then I'll believe that there's no God.

00:37:08.000 You believe there's a God?

00:37:10.000 Yeah.

00:37:10.000 Do you?

00:37:11.000 Yeah.

00:37:11.000 What do you believe?

00:37:11.000 Like that there's an old dude in a cloud?

00:37:13.000 No, nothing like that.

00:37:15.000 I mean, and I don't...

00:37:16.000 I can't articulate it that well because I've never set out to make anybody agree with me.

00:37:22.000 It's just my own personal...

00:37:23.000 Part of it is I think I was raised very Irish Catholic.

00:37:26.000 Right.

00:37:27.000 And, you know, you learn the Ten Commandments, you know, thou shalt have no other gods before me.

00:37:34.000 And, you know, you think about this force in the universe that has all the answers.

00:37:38.000 And I don't know that, like, I ever fully let go of that, but it morphed into my kind of, like, a Taoist.

00:37:45.000 There's an energy that flows, like, with nature, and that all energy is part of it, and that...

00:37:53.000 Mm-hmm.

00:38:13.000 The way that there are physiological reactions within an atom the same way there are in a universe.

00:38:19.000 And I would imagine galaxies within the universe all behave the same way, you know, a proton and electron work in an atom.

00:38:28.000 Well, I think it's fractal.

00:38:30.000 I think that's one of the things that they're starting to realize now when they look into subatomic particles and they try to understand what's the relationship between atoms and the universe itself.

00:38:40.000 And I think as you go deeper and deeper and deeper, it starts to resemble the universe more and more.

00:38:46.000 Yeah.

00:38:46.000 The universe is mostly empty space, right?

00:38:50.000 Black matter. 1.00

00:38:50.000 Yeah, which they don't necessarily totally understand. 1.00

00:38:54.000 Yeah.

00:38:55.000 Black Matter is this weird thing that they're trying to figure out to try to...

00:38:59.000 From the way it's been explained to me by physicists, because I'm an idiot, and I ask them, I'm like, okay, try to explain this to me.

00:39:07.000 They don't know why these galaxies behave the way they do. 0.87

00:39:12.000 They don't know why.

00:39:13.000 And one of the ways they have formulated to try to make it make sense is this concept of dark matter.

00:39:20.000 Yeah, and they say with Einstein's theory of relativity that it is the black matter that has an effect on the way light bends and the way gravity acts upon things. 0.99

00:39:33.000 Physicists are listening to us right now going, what are these fucking monkeys talking about? 0.99

00:39:38.000 We're not even high! 1.00

00:39:40.000 We should get high and try to work this out.

00:39:42.000 Oh my god. 0.90

00:39:44.000 Yeah, it really is intense because when I am feeling down, I do start thinking about the big questions just to shrink everything the fuck down.

00:39:54.000 Well, I don't know if the word God is serving us very well.

00:39:59.000 You're right.

00:40:00.000 That's a problem.

00:40:01.000 I think it's a loaded word.

00:40:04.000 It's got too much weight behind it.

00:40:07.000 And also, it's got so many meanings that connect to religious fundamentalism.

00:40:13.000 It's like ideologies that human beings have obviously created.

00:40:17.000 Women wearing burkas and all kinds of... 1.00

00:40:20.000 Wacky shit that's connected to these concepts of religious ideology and you say the word God You immediately sort of you have a bridge to these fundamentalist ideas. 0.97

00:40:29.000 Yeah, and they're not that good Yeah, I think it's almost like again going back to my Catholicism I guess it just became a replacement for that that concept you know, but you're right I think that there's a there's a lot of stigma attached to it and you know trying it Trying to get somebody to agree with your God is the thing that's always fascinated me. 0.97

00:40:51.000 Like, why do you need a bunch of people to convert and kneel next to you and all have the same beliefs?

00:40:57.000 Why can't you just have your understanding and be peaceful with it?

00:41:00.000 That's how you know that veganism is a religion.

00:41:03.000 Yeah.

00:41:04.000 Because they're all trying to get you to do it, too.

00:41:05.000 Right.

00:41:06.000 They're all trying to get...

00:41:06.000 We're going to save the world.

00:41:08.000 I mean, a lot of polar bears are eating their kids. 0.94

00:41:10.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:41:11.000 They're not saving shit. 0.99

00:41:12.000 Yeah, right. 0.99

00:41:12.000 I mean, the idea of stopping torture and stopping factory farming, these are all good things. 0.99

00:41:18.000 Yeah.

00:41:18.000 The less harm we can do is all a good thing.

00:41:21.000 But there's something about that need to convert people.

00:41:24.000 There's something about that patronizing attitude they have.

00:41:28.000 There's something about this...

00:41:31.000 Overwhelming desire to incorporate other people into their group that completely smacks of religion.

00:41:37.000 Well, you do that Bikram yoga, right?

00:41:40.000 Yeah, because I did a couple classes and then I found out it was a cult.

00:41:43.000 They started trying to indoctrinate me into these long-term contracts. 0.99

00:41:47.000 I was like, can I just come and pay you 25 bucks and take the fucking class? 0.99

00:41:50.000 Do I have to agree with you spiritually also? 1.00

00:41:53.000 Well, they say crazy shit, too. 0.99

00:41:55.000 Like, this supports your inverse colon, and... 0.99

00:41:58.000 Okay, can I see some documentation?

00:42:00.000 Can I see some medical studies? 0.99

00:42:02.000 Like, what the fuck are you talking about? 0.96

00:42:03.000 Like, a friend of mine teaches yoga, and I actually had a conversation with her about it. 0.99

00:42:07.000 I'm like, you know...

00:42:07.000 Teaches Bikram or regular?

00:42:09.000 Yeah.

00:42:09.000 And I was like, maybe some teachers should probably stop saying these things about medical stuff.

00:42:16.000 Because they teach you that in Bikram Yoga.

00:42:18.000 They teach you to say that. 1.00

00:42:19.000 But Bikram himself is a fucking crook. 1.00

00:42:22.000 He's a crazy con man and a cult leader. 1.00

00:42:26.000 And he's just got sued for millions of dollars for sexual harassment and rape. 1.00

00:42:31.000 I mean, he's like... 1.00

00:42:34.000 I mean, allegedly a piece of shit. 1.00

00:42:36.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:42:37.000 And he's the leader of this whole thing.

00:42:39.000 Somebody explained to me, an instructor, explained to me why he teaches Bikram yoga.

00:42:45.000 And he's like, look, the method is very good.

00:42:48.000 The method of doing it in the hot room, 104 degrees, the poses themselves in that order, the 90 minutes of them are excellent.

00:42:56.000 He goes, I 100% believe in the method of it.

00:42:58.000 But the method wasn't even created by Bikram.

00:43:01.000 That's right.

00:43:01.000 It was created by another guy in the 30s.

00:43:03.000 Yep.

00:43:04.000 And Bikram copyrighted it, but he recently lost a court case.

00:43:09.000 See, what happens is people get into yoga, they say, I want to be spiritual, I want to be healthy, and they start taking yoga. 0.99

00:43:15.000 Then they find out about this Bikram guy and they go, what the fuck, what the fuck is going on, man? 1.00

00:43:20.000 He recently got busted, right? 1.00

00:43:23.000 They were trying to assess his assets because they were suing the shit out of him, all these people that he tried to fuck or whatever the hell he did. 0.99

00:43:29.000 Allegedly, by the way. 0.99

00:43:30.000 Allegedly. 0.92

00:43:31.000 I don't want to get sued, but they found he had a warehouse filled with, like, Rolls Royces and Bentleys and shit, and you know what his explanation was?

00:43:40.000 He was going to start an automotive engineering school for children, and that's why he got these cars. 0.99

00:43:49.000 That's his fucking explanation! 0.98

00:43:51.000 Well, you gotta understand, kids, they want to work on large motors. 1.00

00:43:55.000 Only Bentleys.

00:43:56.000 And Bentleys.

00:43:57.000 They're into bling-bling cars.

00:43:58.000 Oh my god, that's hilarious. 1.00

00:44:00.000 What a fucking dipshit. 1.00

00:44:01.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:44:02.000 Oh my god.

00:44:02.000 Yeah, well, it's amazing because...

00:44:05.000 You know, yoga is, it can be spiritual, but it can also be like, I used to go to this place called Yaz in Venice Beach, and it was yoga and spinning together.

00:44:14.000 So you'd get on a spin bike for, it was perfect, one hour, 30 minutes on a spin bike, and then 30 minutes of like power yoga.

00:44:20.000 And you walked out with like a great cardio workout, stretched out, and they didn't utter a word about anything spiritual, because it was sort of like the antidote to like Bikram, where they're trying to Right. 0.90

00:44:32.000 But I miss that little vinyasa at the end.

00:44:36.000 I like a little bit of like a meditation that's led in a very simple way, because it's like you're already in that almost sub-REM state, and then physically it's just so much easier to go into that mental, like you've really earned that meditation.

00:44:52.000 Well, it's 90 minutes too. 0.94

00:44:54.000 90 minutes is fucking hard to do. 0.97

00:44:56.000 It's hard to do a 90 minute class at 104 degrees where you're stretching out. 0.99

00:45:00.000 But what I find, one of the big benefits of it, not just physical, because there's some massive physical benefits.

00:45:06.000 First of all, my back feels amazing since I've been doing it.

00:45:09.000 I've been doing it real steady every week since about August.

00:45:14.000 Somewhere around then, where it was when I started.

00:45:16.000 Do you do it once a week?

00:45:17.000 Sometimes twice a week, but mostly once a week.

00:45:20.000 But I'm going to try to do three times a week.

00:45:22.000 What I'm going to try to do now, because I've dedicated myself to this new diet, and I talked about it a lot.

00:45:29.000 And one of the things I found out is if you talk about something like on a podcast, and you say, hey, for the next 60 days, I'm not going to have any added sugar, no grains, no this, no that.

00:45:38.000 You just do it, because you've already said it.

00:45:40.000 And then other people hear it, you know, the people that listen to the podcast, they go, oh, I'll fucking try that too.

00:45:44.000 And then I hear about all the benefits these people are having from the diet, and then I'm like, all right, well, I'm going to just... 0.99

00:45:49.000 Because if it was just me, if I said, oh, I'll give this a shot, and then I pass by someplace with a chocolate croissant, I'm like, fuck yeah, give me that. 0.91

00:45:56.000 But I can't, so I'm not doing it. 0.99

00:45:59.000 And then these other people follow, and soon you're going to have a fucking fleet of Rolls Royces. 0.99

00:46:05.000 My cult's free. 0.99

00:46:07.000 It's no entry fee.

00:46:08.000 You can leave whatever you want.

00:46:09.000 YouTube cult.

00:46:10.000 But my idea is that I'm going to commit to doing it three days a week. 0.86

00:46:14.000 Because three days a week is fucking hard for me. 0.74

00:46:16.000 It's very difficult. 0.95

00:46:16.000 So I'm going to do 60 days of three days a week. 0.95

00:46:19.000 I'm going to see how that feels. 0.99

00:46:20.000 But the tough thing is, I found when I did it, I couldn't do shit. 0.92

00:46:24.000 I had like two spots that night, and I was still not 100%. 0.97

00:46:28.000 I was a little lightheaded still.

00:46:30.000 Well, you probably need to rehydrate.

00:46:32.000 You probably needed more water.

00:46:33.000 And also electrolytes.

00:46:35.000 Somebody told me you've got to get a lot of...

00:46:36.000 Yeah.

00:46:37.000 Yeah, you sweat a lot, man.

00:46:39.000 Yeah.

00:46:39.000 104 degrees.

00:46:39.000 You're pouring sweat.

00:46:41.000 Right, pouring. 0.99

00:46:41.000 By the end of it, I mean, I'm fucking drenched. 0.99

00:46:44.000 And I have this huge, like, thermos that I fill with ice and water before the class. 0.92

00:46:50.000 Yeah.

00:46:50.000 And by the end of it, it's empty.

00:46:51.000 Right.

00:46:51.000 The idea that I could drink that much water in 90 minutes is crazy.

00:46:55.000 And the idea that I just go right through it.

00:46:58.000 It's just so hot in there.

00:47:00.000 But the benefits for your body are definitely legit.

00:47:05.000 My flexibility is fantastic right now.

00:47:07.000 My back feels amazing. 1.00

00:47:10.000 And the big one, though, is how shit just rolls off your back. 0.99

00:47:15.000 Things don't bother me the way they would bother me if I wasn't doing it. 1.00

00:47:19.000 No shit. 0.98

00:47:20.000 Yeah, it's amazing. 0.99

00:47:22.000 The example I use is this guy rear-ended my car, my Porsche.

00:47:26.000 While you were at a stoplight?

00:47:27.000 No, even worse. 0.98

00:47:29.000 There was a construction on the highway, and this guy wasn't fucking paying attention. 0.98

00:47:32.000 He was looking at his phone, and he was from Mexico. 0.98

00:47:35.000 No driver's license.

00:47:37.000 Oh! 0.60

00:47:38.000 Illegal.

00:47:39.000 Slams on his brakes, plows into me with his Honda Civic, just wrecks his car.

00:47:44.000 His car was totaled.

00:47:45.000 My car was actually not that bad.

00:47:47.000 They just had to replace, because Porsche's actually designed their cars incredibly well.

00:47:52.000 Yeah.

00:47:52.000 And they have this collision bar behind the engine that accordions when it gets hit, and it completely protected the engine.

00:47:59.000 Oh, shit. 0.95

00:47:59.000 Yeah, so it was only like a two-week fix. 0.95

00:48:02.000 I sent it back to Shark Works in Northern California.

00:48:05.000 They fixed it.

00:48:06.000 I had it back in two weeks.

00:48:07.000 Fine.

00:48:08.000 Good as no.

00:48:08.000 But no compensation from the other driver?

00:48:11.000 Allegedly, yeah.

00:48:12.000 Some insurance, so we'll see.

00:48:14.000 But most likely, no.

00:48:15.000 But the thing is, man...

00:48:18.000 I saw the guy.

00:48:19.000 I looked at him.

00:48:20.000 He wasn't paying attention.

00:48:21.000 I looked at him look up.

00:48:22.000 I saw the look in his eyes. 1.00

00:48:24.000 You realize right before he hits, this fucking guy. 1.00

00:48:27.000 He slammed on his brakes right before he hit. 0.99

00:48:30.000 Luckily, he wasn't going too fast because traffic was going kind of slow.

00:48:34.000 But I got out and I wasn't upset.

00:48:37.000 It was weird. 0.83

00:48:39.000 I fucking love that car. 0.64

00:48:41.000 I mean, it is a rare car. 0.98

00:48:42.000 There's very few of them.

00:48:44.000 You can't get them anymore.

00:48:45.000 If you buy them, they're extremely hard to find.

00:48:48.000 And mine is really rare because it's It was done by Shark Works, which is a company in Northern California.

00:48:53.000 Yeah, yeah, you told me about that.

00:48:54.000 But I got out, and the first thing I did, I go up to him, I go, you okay?

00:48:58.000 And he's like, yeah, yeah, I'm okay.

00:49:00.000 I'm like, okay, well, we're both okay.

00:49:02.000 And I swear to God, man, I wasn't even upset.

00:49:04.000 I was not upset.

00:49:06.000 I was, like, level.

00:49:07.000 And it was because I did yoga that day, and I'd done it another day that week.

00:49:10.000 And I was just, I was on my way to the store.

00:49:12.000 That was what I was worried about, was I was going to miss my spot.

00:49:15.000 Because, you know, I'm...

00:49:17.000 I usually give myself like, I like to get there like 20 minutes before, and I'm like, this might fuck me up, you know?

00:49:23.000 But I really attribute that to just a, there's a balance that you get from doing something like that where you're exerting yourself extremely hard for 90 minutes. 0.96

00:49:36.000 It's so fucking difficult. 0.54

00:49:37.000 And most people don't know. 0.99

00:49:38.000 You pass by yoga studios, you look in there and you go, ah, a bunch of housewives playing with their feet. 0.94

00:49:43.000 They're not doing anything.

00:49:44.000 But it's a struggle.

00:49:47.000 It's a mental struggle.

00:49:48.000 Yeah, you break through some walls for sure.

00:49:50.000 And the thing is, I remember I used to take it up in San Francisco.

00:49:55.000 This is 10, 15 years ago.

00:49:57.000 I used to take it up in San Francisco.

00:49:58.000 I don't know if it was Bikram back then or it was just hot yoga.

00:50:02.000 But when I tried to leave the studio because I felt dizzy and nauseous, everyone in the class was like, no, you can do it.

00:50:09.000 They really encourage you to break through.

00:50:12.000 It's like a team effort to get through it.

00:50:14.000 There's a lot of support in that because if you're by yourself and you've experienced that same feeling, you're usually like, oh, stop right here.

00:50:20.000 Relax.

00:50:21.000 But you can't stop because everything's timed.

00:50:23.000 The teacher's timing it.

00:50:25.000 We're good to go.

00:50:42.000 The effort that a 60-year-old person puts in versus a 20-year-old person is the same because it's 100%.

00:50:49.000 You're putting in 100% effort to move your body.

00:50:52.000 So you might be able to move more or have more flexibility than another person, but the amount of effort you put in is the same.

00:50:59.000 So class is never easy because it's always 100% effort. 0.96

00:51:03.000 So it's always fucking difficult. 0.69

00:51:06.000 Well, and my friend explained to me, I didn't realize this, but that each pose is working a different organ that you're cleaning out, you're compressing. 0.99

00:51:16.000 You're not compressing any fucking organs. 0.99

00:51:18.000 What are you, a machine? 1.00

00:51:19.000 What are you, a vice? 0.57

00:51:20.000 Compressing your organs. 0.98

00:51:22.000 What are you, toothpaste?

00:51:23.000 You're stretching and holding it.

00:51:24.000 That's what you're doing.

00:51:25.000 You're pushing your body.

00:51:27.000 I mean, I'm sure there's some sort of benefits to your organs, you know, because there's benefits to all your muscles, your circulation is pumping, you know, you're sweating like crazy.

00:51:36.000 There's probably a lot of benefits.

00:51:38.000 How would you describe the smell of a Bikram yoga room? 0.79

00:51:41.000 Like a foot, underarm, butthole. 1.00

00:51:44.000 Little vagina. 1.00

00:51:45.000 And then a lot of, like, anti-fungal sprays and... 1.00

00:51:50.000 A lot of deodorants and whatever the fuck they're using to clean it, whatever detergents.

00:51:57.000 Yeah, you need to let go into the smell a little bit, too. 0.99

00:52:00.000 At first, that's a wall you get through as well.

00:52:02.000 Well, the place I go to, they do a great job of cleaning the carpets and vacuuming it.

00:52:07.000 The carpets, really?

00:52:08.000 Yeah, exactly.

00:52:08.000 It shouldn't be a carpet, right?

00:52:09.000 Damn! 0.99

00:52:10.000 It should be a hardwood floor. 0.99

00:52:11.000 Yeah.

00:52:12.000 But it's too slippery.

00:52:13.000 Hardwood floors get super slippery.

00:52:15.000 Yeah. 0.98

00:52:16.000 And people fall and fucking rip their knees apart. 0.99

00:52:18.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:52:18.000 I took a shower afterwards, and usually, you know, I'm always self-conscious in a shower. 0.99

00:52:24.000 Nudity was just not part of my upbringing at all.

00:52:27.000 I think, again, Irish Catholic shame. 1.00

00:52:30.000 But my dick was hanging low with that heat. 1.00

00:52:33.000 It looked good. 1.00

00:52:35.000 My balls were fucking just swinging. 1.00

00:52:38.000 Isn't it funny that your dick, especially your balls, literally stretches to get the fuck away from your body? 1.00

00:52:44.000 Like, this guy's overheating, let's get out of here! 1.00

00:52:47.000 Hang low! 0.99

00:52:48.000 Hang low! 1.00

00:52:48.000 There's an asshole back there, get away from the asshole! 1.00

00:52:52.000 Yeah, and then when it's cold, it hides. 1.00

00:52:54.000 It goes, we gotta fucking, let us in, let us in! 0.96

00:52:56.000 There's this one weirdo who goes to my yoga class, and he always looks at me like I stole something from him. 0.99

00:53:01.000 I'm like, I don't even know you, man.

00:53:03.000 I didn't do anything.

00:53:03.000 I always say hi to him, and he's always reluctant to say hi back.

00:53:06.000 When he comes out of the shower, he cups his balls in his dick like no one can see. 1.00

00:53:10.000 Really? 1.00

00:53:11.000 Yeah, like there's something wrong with this guy. 1.00

00:53:13.000 Well, if you can cup both balls in your dick with one hand, I can see why he's hiding. 1.00

00:53:18.000 Well, he doesn't want you to see it. 1.00

00:53:19.000 But it's also like, he looks at other men like they did something to him.

00:53:23.000 Like, I've seen him, and I've watched him interact with other men, too.

00:53:26.000 Yeah.

00:53:26.000 It's like, what happened to you, dude?

00:53:28.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:53:28.000 This guy just said hi to you and you looked at him like you just stole your fucking girlfriend or something. 1.00

00:53:32.000 It's weird. 1.00

00:53:33.000 It's like sometimes I was just on the road in Addison and you know these guys from Texas, they come up and they're like, they got on the crisp polo shirt and the fucking slacks with pleats and tassels on there. 0.99

00:53:46.000 Yeah, and they're real crew cut and they're fucking built. 0.97

00:53:49.000 And this guy comes up and he right in my face like grabs my hand. 0.97

00:53:52.000 He's like, how you doing?

00:53:53.000 And I go, it's okay.

00:53:55.000 I don't need to buy any insurance today.

00:53:57.000 Like, I get you're an alpha.

00:53:59.000 You're an alpha. 0.95

00:53:59.000 You're not gay. 0.95

00:54:00.000 I got it. 0.86

00:54:01.000 Take it easy on my hand.

00:54:05.000 Nice tassels on your shoes there, fella. 1.00

00:54:07.000 Those slip-on loafers you got there.

00:54:09.000 Yeah, right, right.

00:54:11.000 Why are people still buying those double tassels?

00:54:14.000 Like little bells. 0.99

00:54:15.000 Those little fucking weird things. 0.99

00:54:16.000 What are those little octopuses that are hanging from the body? 1.00

00:54:20.000 They don't look good. 1.00

00:54:21.000 They look stupid. 1.00

00:54:22.000 They look so stupid. 1.00

00:54:23.000 But they're so common. 1.00

00:54:25.000 I know.

00:54:25.000 It's like there's a style that got created and just they stuck with it.

00:54:30.000 Right, right.

00:54:31.000 It's like ties.

00:54:33.000 Yeah, ties.

00:54:34.000 The whole idea of dangling a piece of material from in front of you.

00:54:37.000 Yeah, there they are.

00:54:39.000 Oh my god. 1.00

00:54:40.000 Look how stupid that looks. 1.00

00:54:41.000 And why is it always with no socks? 1.00

00:54:43.000 I don't know, man.

00:54:44.000 And it's always guys with little feet. 0.92

00:54:47.000 Your feet must stink in those things. 0.86

00:54:49.000 They gotta stink.

00:54:49.000 There's no air getting into those things.

00:54:52.000 Yeah, and it's leather. 0.88

00:54:53.000 Your sweaty-ass feet with no socks. 0.87

00:54:56.000 It's almost like what you'd see a bagpiper wear. 1.00

00:54:59.000 It's a weird fetish.

00:55:01.000 Yeah.

00:55:03.000 Oh.

00:55:03.000 Yeah, okay.

00:55:04.000 Jesus. 0.99

00:55:05.000 Okay, dork. 1.00

00:55:05.000 Right now, where are you? 1.00

00:55:06.000 He's texting his girlfriend.

00:55:07.000 She's getting stuffed by some other dude. 0.99

00:55:10.000 Just gorilla fucked by some guy she met at the gym while he's out there getting a manicure. 0.99

00:55:15.000 Well, I was going to go to the gym, but my nails are horrendous. 0.99

00:55:18.000 Yeah.

00:55:18.000 So, I'll call you later.

00:55:20.000 We're still going to do the tapas bar.

00:55:22.000 And she's just getting stuffed.

00:55:25.000 What are you going to wear, by the way?

00:55:26.000 I want to make sure it matches what I'm wearing.

00:55:28.000 Don't wear blue, because I'm wearing blue.

00:55:31.000 I'm dressed as Ellen DeGeneres.

00:55:33.000 You'll be able to see me.

00:55:35.000 I'm dressed as Ellen's wife.

00:55:38.000 I'm dressed as poor-skinned Rossi.

00:55:42.000 Yeah, that's beautiful.

00:55:43.000 That's great. 1.00

00:55:45.000 And he only fucks her up the ass. 1.00

00:55:47.000 That's when you get to wonder. 1.00

00:55:49.000 You think so?

00:55:49.000 Is there a guy like that?

00:55:51.000 Really? 1.00

00:55:54.000 She's only taking up the ass and he's always got his hand in front of her pussy and he's jacking it up and down. 1.00

00:55:59.000 She's like, what are you doing? 1.00

00:56:00.000 You're really specific. 1.00

00:56:03.000 Is there an air cock that you're jerking off? 1.00

00:56:04.000 I put my tassels on. 1.00

00:56:05.000 I need my tassels.

00:56:07.000 Wear my loafers. 0.99

00:56:08.000 I want to feel like we're fucking at the office. 0.99

00:56:10.000 You don't even work in an office. 0.99

00:56:13.000 I want to. 0.99

00:56:14.000 Don't fuck up the fantasy. 1.00

00:56:15.000 You're black. 1.00

00:56:16.000 I want to be normal. 1.00

00:56:16.000 I want to be the executive. 1.00

00:56:18.000 Today I'm the executive. 0.98

00:56:21.000 I'm sexually harassing you. 1.00

00:56:22.000 I want you to sue me while I'm fucking you. 1.00

00:56:23.000 We're fucking because I got a promotion. 1.00

00:56:25.000 You don't even have a job! 1.00

00:56:26.000 I got a promotion today.

00:56:28.000 Stop ruining it.

00:56:29.000 Promotion?

00:56:30.000 You get a trust fund.

00:56:31.000 That world, man.

00:56:32.000 That world that most people who are listening to this are stuck in.

00:56:35.000 That world of trying to get a promotion.

00:56:37.000 Trying to move your way up the company ladder.

00:56:40.000 Going to company meetings.

00:56:42.000 Hundreds of people all getting together. 1.00

00:56:44.000 Wives and husbands and fucking shaking hands and wearing your loafers. 1.00

00:56:49.000 Wearing your loafers and trying to figure out what church you're supposed to go to to get ahead. 1.00

00:56:54.000 Oh, God.

00:56:55.000 What country club to join once you get to that next level.

00:56:58.000 Country club.

00:56:59.000 I looked at houses in, do you know where Lake Sherwood is?

00:57:01.000 No.

00:57:02.000 Lake Sherwood is an area like way out near like Thousand Oaks.

00:57:06.000 Really nice, really nice place.

00:57:08.000 And it's a giant country club, like a gated community country club.

00:57:12.000 Yeah.

00:57:12.000 And we looked at a house there.

00:57:15.000 And when we're there, it's like, what is this place?

00:57:20.000 What's going on in this place?

00:57:22.000 It's all like people who go there and they play golf.

00:57:25.000 To sign up and be a part of the golf thing, the golf costs some insane amount of money a year. 1.00

00:57:33.000 Like, really stupid money. 0.99

00:57:35.000 Like, pull that up. 1.00

00:57:36.000 Find out how much Lakeshore Country Club.

00:57:39.000 But I think it's like a quarter million dollars a year. 1.00

00:57:41.000 Like, something stupid. 0.99

00:57:43.000 I might be wrong. 1.00

00:57:43.000 Maybe it's 50 grand or something like that. 1.00

00:57:45.000 But it's something where you're like, what? 0.99

00:57:47.000 Where they're just trying to keep out anybody who's not stupid wealthy. 0.99

00:57:52.000 Does it say? 0.99

00:57:53.000 Does it say how much, Jamie?

00:57:55.000 $185,000.

00:57:56.000 I thought those clubs would keep that on the down low. 0.68

00:57:58.000 It's not on their website.

00:57:59.000 It's an article I found.

00:58:01.000 $185,000 if you want to play golf there.

00:58:03.000 Yeah, because think about it.

00:58:03.000 If you're a billionaire, $185,000 doesn't mean shit to you except that people without it can't get in.

00:58:10.000 It's not affecting your bottom line.

00:58:12.000 It's just an insurance policy.

00:58:15.000 And then you see these clubs.

00:58:16.000 There's a club in Santa Monica.

00:58:17.000 I forget which one it is.

00:58:20.000 You drive past it, there's never anybody on the course.

00:58:23.000 This is miles.

00:58:26.000 Think about the real estate in Santa Monica.

00:58:27.000 If you had a 3,000 square foot store, you'd be paying, you know, $10,000 a month for it.

00:58:35.000 Now take that store, step it into a golf course that's square miles in that same neighborhood.

00:58:41.000 What is that possibly worth?

00:58:44.000 And there's nobody playing on the course.

00:58:45.000 It's insane.

00:58:47.000 It's insane.

00:58:48.000 And the amount of water.

00:58:49.000 Oh, yeah.

00:59:04.000 And, you know, agriculture is just staggering how much water they use.

00:59:08.000 But the really nutty one was millions and millions of gallons.

00:59:12.000 How many millions are being used by golf courses just in Southern California?

00:59:16.000 Right.

00:59:16.000 I mean, it's like a significant percentage of our water usage is golf.

00:59:20.000 Yeah.

00:59:21.000 Yeah, and they write off the land.

00:59:23.000 They don't have to pay taxes on it as much as normally because they call it—you ready for this?

00:59:27.000 It's like a—it's considered wildlife.

00:59:31.000 Yeah.

00:59:32.000 What?

00:59:32.000 Like, every city is supposed to have zoned out a certain amount of undeveloped land for the environment.

00:59:38.000 Oh, my God.

00:59:38.000 And golf courses were able to loophole their way into that so they don't pay as much tax.

00:59:42.000 Yeah.

00:59:43.000 It's a wildlife preserve.

00:59:44.000 Right.

00:59:44.000 It's for squirrels.

00:59:47.000 Squirrels with fucking bumps on their head from getting hit by golf balls. 1.00

00:59:52.000 How many squirrels have been murked by a fucking blind drive? 1.00

00:59:56.000 Can you imagine if you're a squirrel just hitting the end? 1.00

01:00:00.000 A fucking golf ball bigger than your head comes 75 miles an hour. 1.00

01:00:06.000 Beans you in the head. 1.00

01:00:08.000 Darwin didn't teach me about this.

01:00:09.000 How do I react to this in nature? 0.98

01:00:11.000 My friend Ryan got hit in the head by a line drive and he said he was fucked up for like six months. 0.99

01:00:15.000 Really? 0.99

01:00:16.000 Six months he had massive headaches. 1.00

01:00:18.000 It's a fucking hardball, man. 0.99

01:00:19.000 I know too many people that have had, like, significant head problems from getting hit in the head. 0.99

01:00:24.000 Like, people always wonder, like, why I'm always droning on and on about head trauma and MMA and football and the dangers of it. 0.97

01:00:31.000 It's because I know a lot of people that, one knockout, and they're fucked for, like, a year. 0.96

01:00:36.000 Yeah, yeah. 0.98

01:00:38.000 Constant headaches.

01:00:39.000 Right.

01:00:39.000 Constant ringing in their ear.

01:00:41.000 My son just got his first concussion.

01:00:43.000 He had to play soccer, and he got...

01:00:46.000 I think he got kneed in the head in a collision.

01:00:49.000 And he was out of school for a week.

01:00:51.000 He couldn't, like, he'd go to school and he'd have his head down on his desk in first period and have to come home again.

01:00:56.000 Wow.

01:00:56.000 It was bad.

01:00:57.000 And I was like, fuck, man. 1.00

01:00:58.000 You don't know when that happens. 1.00

01:01:00.000 A concussion can last a day.

01:01:02.000 It can last, like you said, it could go on and on with headaches and...

01:01:07.000 It's really important to recognize that because there's a lot of restrictions they put on athletes after they've been KO'd for fighters.

01:01:15.000 They'll say no contact for 30 days or 60 days.

01:01:19.000 But that's not adequate because you really don't know.

01:01:22.000 Each individual case of someone getting knocked out is totally different.

01:01:27.000 One person can get knocked out and they're fine a couple days later.

01:01:30.000 And then... 0.98

01:01:32.000 Another person would get knocked out, and they're fucked up for a long time. 0.93

01:01:35.000 Like, I got TKO'd once in a kickboxing fight, and it was the third fight of the night. 0.88

01:01:42.000 I had fought twice that night before that fight, and part of it was exhaustion.

01:01:47.000 I did get clipped with a good left hook, though.

01:01:49.000 My legs gave out, and I went down.

01:01:51.000 I never went out, but sometimes a punch to the jaw is weird, too, because a punch to the jaw...

01:01:56.000 What happens is, it's not even necessarily your brain.

01:02:00.000 It's like the nerve behind...

01:02:02.000 The way it's been explained to me is your jaw, when it moves, can slam into the nerve.

01:02:08.000 And when it slams into the nerve, it short-circuits your system.

01:02:12.000 And your legs give out.

01:02:13.000 It's weird.

01:02:14.000 It's not good for you, but my point is...

01:02:16.000 I was fine after that.

01:02:18.000 Like, I was fine that night.

01:02:19.000 I was fine the next day.

01:02:20.000 I mean, it wouldn't be a good idea if I had another fight after that, but it wasn't like I had ringing in my ears and headaches and I was in, like, serious pain.

01:02:28.000 But I had other times, just from sparring sessions, where I didn't get knocked out, where my head was pounding for days and days.

01:02:35.000 Just from taking a punch.

01:02:36.000 Just from taking a punch or a kick.

01:02:38.000 And you don't know. 1.00

01:02:39.000 You don't know which day you're going to be fine or which day you're going to be fucked. 0.99

01:02:44.000 It all depends entirely on how you get hit, how your body responds to it, what the actual damage is. 0.99

01:02:50.000 You can't tell unless you get in the brain.

01:02:53.000 They really can't tell.

01:02:54.000 They don't know.

01:02:55.000 You know who's amazing is James Bond will get knocked out.

01:02:59.000 Like, out. 0.99

01:03:00.000 You know, like a bad guy will elbow him and he'll fucking lose consciousness. 0.99

01:03:03.000 He'll get up and drive a car, dance. 0.99

01:03:08.000 Well, he gets pistol whipped, too.

01:03:09.000 He gets pistol whipped? 0.72

01:03:10.000 They get pistol whipped in the back of the head. 0.97

01:03:12.000 They go down. 0.95

01:03:13.000 They wake up.

01:03:13.000 Oh, you hit me.

01:03:14.000 They just get up.

01:03:15.000 They get nothing.

01:03:16.000 Keep on going.

01:03:17.000 That's that pistol whipped to the back of the head move. 0.98

01:03:19.000 It's like always effective.

01:03:21.000 I know.

01:03:21.000 You never kill the guy.

01:03:23.000 And also, when you're fighting a bunch of people, you can pistol whip. 0.99

01:03:26.000 You've got to shoot some. 0.58

01:03:28.000 You can pistol whip the others, and they'll go down, and you just know they're going to stay down until you're clear, until you're out of there. 0.97

01:03:35.000 When was the first time you saw someone actually get knocked out?

01:03:41.000 How many people have you seen get knocked out in real life?

01:03:44.000 Bar fights, I've seen tons.

01:03:46.000 Like KOs? 0.97

01:03:46.000 Yeah, I've seen KOs in Boston outside of bars. 0.97

01:03:49.000 Street KOs are the scariest because they bounce their head off the concrete. 1.00

01:03:52.000 Yeah, right.

01:03:53.000 There's something sickening, just absolutely sickening about the sound of an unconscious person's head bouncing off the concrete.

01:04:01.000 Yeah, I saw this kid when I was about 17. I was at a bar in Tarrytown where I grew up, and this kid...

01:04:08.000 He was on stairs, this bar that had an upstairs, and this one kid was coming up, other one was coming down, and they had a beef, and the kid above just fucking clocked this guy, and he fell backwards, hit his head, he was in a coma for six months.

01:04:21.000 Oh my god.

01:04:22.000 Still not 100%.

01:04:23.000 This, you know, I mean, ten years later, I haven't seen him since, but ten years later, the guy was off.

01:04:28.000 Oh my god.

01:04:29.000 What happened to the guy who did it to him?

01:04:30.000 Went to jail.

01:04:31.000 For how long?

01:04:32.000 Just like three months.

01:04:33.000 Not enough?

01:04:34.000 Nope. 1.00

01:04:34.000 Fuck. 1.00

01:04:35.000 No, bar fights are no joke, man. 1.00

01:04:37.000 Kevin James used to work as a bouncer in a bar in Long Island.

01:04:40.000 The guy he was working with punched a guy, the guy fell back, hit his head off the curb, and died.

01:04:44.000 Ooh.

01:04:46.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:04:46.000 Just fucking bar fight, bouncer, drunk guy, punches the guy. 1.00

01:04:51.000 Jail. 1.00

01:04:51.000 Gotta go to jail? 1.00

01:04:52.000 Yeah, jail.

01:04:53.000 Manslaughter.

01:04:55.000 It's no joke.

01:04:56.000 People think it's a joke.

01:04:57.000 You know, it's like you got all these tough guys that go out to the bars and then, you know, hey, we have a fist fight and, you know, it can end very fucking tragically very fast.

01:05:06.000 Some comic at the Comedy Store got knocked out.

01:05:09.000 I want to say about a year ago, maybe even less.

01:05:13.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:05:14.000 He was on a motorcycle and he pulled up to the Comedy Store and he parked his motorcycle and I guess he kept it running and some guy yelled at him, hey man, shut that fucking thing off. 0.98

01:05:25.000 They were having a conversation over by the patio. 0.99

01:05:27.000 Yeah.

01:05:28.000 And he laughed at him, like, because the guy was, like, saying it, like, really aggressive.

01:05:33.000 And he took his helmet off. 0.96

01:05:34.000 The guy walked over to him and just fucking cold-cocked him and knocked him out. 0.98

01:05:37.000 Wow. 0.99

01:05:38.000 Just for having a motorcycle running. 1.00

01:05:39.000 Oh, shit. 0.99

01:05:40.000 I guess it was one of those loud, like, Harley things that people love. 1.00

01:05:44.000 They love those loud...

01:05:45.000 Right.

01:05:46.000 Right.

01:05:46.000 But they say that those are loud that's good because it saves you from people colliding into you.

01:05:51.000 Fuck that. 1.00

01:05:51.000 If I was a cop, you know, they have like a noise meter. 1.00

01:05:54.000 That is my biggest pet peeve. 1.00

01:05:56.000 You're having a conversation on the street and you have to stop for 20 seconds because some fucking asshole has got a muffler that he jacked up to make that much noise. 1.00

01:06:05.000 Like he's, oh, Woody, powerful. 1.00

01:06:09.000 Oh, I hate that shit. 1.00

01:06:12.000 And you feel it in your chest when they go by? 1.00

01:06:15.000 They're really loud, some of those bikes.

01:06:17.000 Really, really loud.

01:06:17.000 Second only to the truck that has like that massive horn that makes your body go paralyzed for like a second.

01:06:25.000 Like a dog whistle.

01:06:28.000 Yeah.

01:06:30.000 Your body just goes, what?

01:06:32.000 Yeah.

01:06:33.000 Yeah, those loud motorcycles, though, like, I guess too loud is, you know, a problem.

01:06:38.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:06:39.000 But, like, a Harley, like, when you buy one from a store without fucking with it. 0.99

01:06:42.000 That's fine. 0.96

01:06:43.000 But that level of loudness apparently prevents a lot of accidents.

01:06:47.000 Yeah.

01:06:48.000 Because people hear it and then they avoid you.

01:06:50.000 Because, like, part of the problem with motorcycle accidents, like, Say if you have one of those Japanese speed bikes, they don't make that much noise.

01:06:56.000 So you gotta vroom vroom when you're next to people so they know you're there. 0.97

01:07:00.000 Because people are fucking texting and drifting. 0.95

01:07:02.000 How often do you look over and you see people texting? 1.00

01:07:05.000 Oh yeah.

01:07:05.000 And I drive a Prius.

01:07:07.000 Yeah.

01:07:07.000 Because I'm dead inside.

01:07:08.000 But people really can't hear you. 0.98

01:07:11.000 I pulled up today to Valley Park and the guy's fucking sitting there doing a crossword puzzle and I'm looking at him. 0.96

01:07:17.000 And I finally went, excuse me. 0.98

01:07:18.000 He's like, oh, sorry, I didn't hear you.

01:07:20.000 And it's like, you feel insignificant already in a Prius?

01:07:22.000 You feel castrated and a zero?

01:07:26.000 Yeah, they don't make any noise.

01:07:27.000 Like, here's me flooring it.

01:07:31.000 Then your car.

01:07:34.000 You know you want to get a nice car.

01:07:35.000 I did.

01:07:36.000 You've been thinking about this for years.

01:07:37.000 What holds you back?

01:07:38.000 I need a little bump of money.

01:07:40.000 To justify it, because the college fund isn't there yet, I got to get a nice little hit.

01:07:46.000 Go out and buy that Mustang.

01:07:48.000 Did you see the new ones?

01:07:49.000 Have you seen the new ones?

01:07:50.000 Yeah.

01:07:50.000 My friend Matt Farah just sent me a text.

01:07:53.000 Apparently, the new Shelby, they have a new Shelby GT350, and he just sent me a text about it.

01:07:59.000 And he said he's emailing everyone he knows at Ford just begging them to sell them one.

01:08:05.000 Oh, they're hard to get.

01:08:06.000 They're hard to get.

01:08:07.000 Because it's a Shelby GT350. So they have a PR guy that's going to hook him up.

01:08:11.000 But he said, like, literally, it is the best car he's ever driven.

01:08:14.000 How much is it?

01:08:15.000 I don't know.

01:08:16.000 Not that expensive though.

01:08:17.000 Less than a lot of cars.

01:08:19.000 But apparently they're really hard to get.

01:08:21.000 The Shelby.

01:08:21.000 But you don't need a Shelby.

01:08:22.000 Like a GT. A Mustang GT. One of the cool things about the Horsepower Wars.

01:08:27.000 What's all that white stuff on it?

01:08:29.000 Is that just like shininess?

01:08:31.000 What is that? 0.77

01:08:32.000 Is that a fucked up part of what the image is? 0.83

01:08:34.000 Like an artifact? 0.95

01:08:35.000 I don't know.

01:08:35.000 It's not on my screen.

01:08:36.000 It's not on my screen.

01:08:37.000 I don't know what that is.

01:08:39.000 See if you can find another one.

01:08:41.000 It's not on your screen?

01:08:42.000 No.

01:08:42.000 Oh, it's only when it transfers over to the television?

01:08:44.000 How weird. 0.95

01:08:46.000 How fucking strange is that? 0.98

01:08:49.000 There's other images I'm sure you can find. 0.99

01:08:50.000 But anyway, the car is a monster.

01:08:52.000 But a regular Mustang GT. The thing is, a regular one.

01:08:56.000 Like, find out how much a regular Mustang GT is.

01:08:58.000 I think it's only about...

01:09:01.000 I want to say it's about $35,000.

01:09:04.000 The GT, I think, is more than that.

01:09:06.000 I think a regular Mustang, just like a baseline Mustang, you can get for about $32,000.

01:09:11.000 Really?

01:09:12.000 Not GT350, Jamie.

01:09:14.000 Just GT. Ford Mustang GT. Yeah.

01:09:18.000 How much do those bitches cost? 1.00

01:09:20.000 I think, like, well, the thing what I was saying is, like, for the amount of, look at that, 32 grand for a Mustang GT. That's fucking crazy. 1.00

01:09:29.000 The amount of power that those things have and how good they run and how good they drive, it's a bargain. 0.99

01:09:35.000 It's an amazing bargain because they have more than 400 horsepower. 0.99

01:09:39.000 Those things are fast as fuck. 0.97

01:09:41.000 Like, what is it, 430? 0.99

01:09:43.000 What does it say there, Jamie?

01:09:44.000 Don't scroll real quick.

01:09:45.000 What does it say?

01:09:46.000 435. 435 fucking horsepower! 1.00

01:09:49.000 400 foot pound of torque for 32 grand. 0.99

01:09:52.000 I mean, that's incredible.

01:09:54.000 Yeah.

01:09:54.000 And the interior looks good.

01:09:56.000 They have Recaro cloth front seats.

01:09:58.000 Think about what it would have cost to make a car with those dimensions 10 years ago.

01:10:02.000 They couldn't do it.

01:10:03.000 Well, how about this?

01:10:04.000 You would blow the doors off a Ferrari of 20 years ago.

01:10:09.000 Yeah.

01:10:09.000 With this car, with this $32,000 car.

01:10:12.000 Right.

01:10:12.000 And it sounds great.

01:10:13.000 It's a wonderful American V8. Yeah.

01:10:16.000 They look great.

01:10:17.000 I mean, I would drive that, 100%.

01:10:20.000 Yeah.

01:10:20.000 And it'd be fun.

01:10:21.000 Those are fun to fucking drive, man. 0.99

01:10:22.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:10:22.000 It's a great car. 0.99

01:10:23.000 And for $32,000...

01:10:25.000 Whenever we talk about these things, people will get mad.

01:10:27.000 They'll go, 32 grand is a lot of money.

01:10:30.000 Relax.

01:10:30.000 I gotta get some ads on my...

01:10:32.000 My ads have slowed down on my podcast.

01:10:33.000 I gotta hook some up.

01:10:35.000 Have they slowed down because you haven't pursued them?

01:10:38.000 No, I think my...

01:10:41.000 People.

01:10:41.000 Your ad people are not good?

01:10:43.000 They're slacking?

01:10:44.000 Slacking.

01:10:45.000 Yeah.

01:10:46.000 It's hard. 1.00

01:10:47.000 It's hard to do all that shit yourself. 1.00

01:10:49.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:10:49.000 You rely on other people to get it for you. 1.00

01:10:50.000 They better do their job.

01:10:52.000 Right.

01:10:52.000 I'll connect you to my guys after we're done here.

01:10:54.000 Yeah.

01:10:55.000 They're good.

01:10:55.000 Might be time.

01:10:56.000 Yeah.

01:10:57.000 The thing is, you got to find something you actually like.

01:11:01.000 My favorite ads are like Dollar Shave Club or something like that.

01:11:05.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:11:05.000 Fuck yeah. 1.00

01:11:05.000 Dollar Shave Club. 1.00

01:11:06.000 It's legit.

01:11:06.000 It's great.

01:11:07.000 It's 100% legit.

01:11:08.000 I like advertising that.

01:11:10.000 Squarespace.

01:11:11.000 Squarespace is good.

01:11:13.000 Blue Apron.

01:11:14.000 Blue Apron's great. 0.69

01:11:15.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:11:16.000 Fucking less than 10 bucks a meal. 1.00

01:11:17.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:11:18.000 Finding stuff that you...

01:11:19.000 That's the whole key to it.

01:11:20.000 Like, I've had a lot of people try to advertise, and I'm like, ooh.

01:11:24.000 I can't get behind that.

01:11:25.000 One of them was like an Uber for babysitters. 0.98

01:11:27.000 I was like, get the fuck out of here. 0.99

01:11:30.000 Really? 1.00

01:11:30.000 Are you crazy? 1.00

01:11:31.000 You're going to have some person come over and watch the most important person in your life other than your spouse? 0.97

01:11:37.000 Just randomly?

01:11:38.000 Just randomly.

01:11:39.000 Because it's cheaper.

01:11:40.000 Yeah.

01:11:40.000 Well, they're screened.

01:11:41.000 Like, what the fuck? 1.00

01:11:42.000 Get the fuck out of here. 1.00

01:11:43.000 Yeah, there's certain things you can't go by price. 0.99

01:11:45.000 Yeah.

01:11:45.000 Oof.

01:11:46.000 Oof.

01:11:47.000 Yeah, there's some that...

01:11:50.000 Do you do the betting sites like DraftKings and all that?

01:11:54.000 Yeah, I did.

01:11:55.000 I had them for a long time.

01:11:56.000 I haven't done one in a while.

01:11:57.000 I like the idea behind it, but some people say that there's issues with how you get paid.

01:12:05.000 Oh, yeah?

01:12:06.000 Or not how you get paid, rather, but how many people get paid.

01:12:09.000 Weren't you saying something like that, Jamie?

01:12:11.000 What were you saying?

01:12:12.000 When I found out, most of it was like 1% of the players were making something like 90-95% of the money.

01:12:20.000 Oh, yeah. 1.00

01:12:20.000 Again, these fucking one percenters. 1.00

01:12:22.000 The one percenters. 1.00

01:12:22.000 Goddamn one percenters. 1.00

01:12:24.000 It's all white guys. 1.00

01:12:24.000 Yeah, white guys that know a lot about sports. 1.00

01:12:26.000 But I feel like if you know, you understand a lot about, like, MMA, and that's one of the things where I like it.

01:12:32.000 I'm like, man, I feel like you can make money. 0.98

01:12:35.000 Like, if you're one of those crazy people that goes on mixedmartialarts.com and you're there every day and you know all the fucking stats, you know. 0.98

01:12:42.000 Well, excuse me. 0.96

01:12:44.000 You watch all the training videos, you know, who's training with who, and this guy's got this new trainer and it's going to help him.

01:12:50.000 I just feel like those guys...

01:12:52.000 Did you have any inkling about that last fight, the two big upsets last week?

01:12:56.000 Yeah, both of them.

01:12:57.000 You had a feeling on both of them that they'd be upsets?

01:12:59.000 No, I had a feeling that Holly could get beat by Misha, but I thought Connor was going to get beat by Nate. 0.87

01:13:05.000 I had a feeling.

01:13:06.000 I said it to my friends, too, that were sitting right behind me.

01:13:10.000 I took my headset off as they were doing the introductions.

01:13:13.000 I said, this is going to be an upset. 0.99

01:13:14.000 No shit. 0.99

01:13:14.000 Really? 0.99

01:13:15.000 Yeah.

01:13:16.000 Well, we just saw an upset when Misha choked Holly out.

01:13:19.000 Yeah.

01:13:19.000 And I knew that Misha was going to fight real smart.

01:13:23.000 And the way she fought was super cool. 0.97

01:13:30.000 We're good to go.

01:13:51.000 So Rhonda has a short-range attack, short-range attack, and on top of that, her grappling is a limited attack because she only likes to tie up with the upper body. 1.00

01:14:01.000 Rhonda doesn't take anybody down by shooting on their legs. 1.00

01:14:03.000 So I knew that Holly fighting Misha, she would have a totally different type of opponent.

01:14:09.000 First of all, Misha's not going to charge at her. 0.92

01:14:10.000 She's not stupid. 0.74

01:14:11.000 She's not reckless. 1.00

01:14:12.000 She's not a fucking crazed maniac like Rhonda was in that fight. 1.00

01:14:16.000 Rhonda was just a maniac. 1.00

01:14:17.000 She just wanted to smash her face in. 1.00

01:14:19.000 You can't fight like that.

01:14:21.000 And Misha fought like super intelligent, very cautious, stayed on the outside.

01:14:24.000 And then once in the second round, Misha got her down and just dominated her on the ground.

01:14:28.000 I was like, okay, my suspicions were correct.

01:14:32.000 Misha can do this.

01:14:33.000 But then Holly pulled it off for the next couple rounds. 1.00

01:14:36.000 And it looked like Holly was going to probably win a decision if she won the last round. 1.00

01:14:40.000 And then Misha took her down and choked her unconscious.

01:14:42.000 And that was just madness.

01:14:43.000 That must have been the payout on picking the underdogs on those two. 0.93

01:14:46.000 It must have been huge.

01:14:47.000 Giant.

01:14:48.000 I think it was 6-1 with Connor and Nate.

01:14:50.000 And I think Misha and Holly was something like 3-1.

01:14:53.000 Yeah.

01:14:54.000 I might have made that up.

01:14:55.000 I think if you picked them both and bet $100, you won something like $1,500 together.

01:14:59.000 Jamie bet on Nate.

01:15:01.000 Yeah, won $500.

01:15:02.000 Did you?

01:15:03.000 There you go.

01:15:04.000 Yeah, Jamie was there.

01:15:05.000 I got a picture of Jamie, Tony, and my friend Frosty.

01:15:08.000 The three of them holding up their betting slips right after the fight.

01:15:11.000 Oh, yeah?

01:15:12.000 Yeah, they're all sitting right behind.

01:15:13.000 Matt Frost, Frosty?

01:15:13.000 No, Frosty's a sound guy for the UFC. He's a sound engineer.

01:15:18.000 I can see Jamie taking that Joe Rogan experience money and fucking doubling it down. 0.97

01:15:24.000 Yeah, there's Tony Hinchcliffe, too. 0.98

01:15:27.000 Oh, that's great.

01:15:28.000 Oh, I saw a great picture of, who was it in the background, kissing on the kiss cam?

01:15:35.000 Oh, Ari and Duncan.

01:15:36.000 Yeah, Ari and Duncan.

01:15:38.000 Yeah, yeah. 0.97

01:15:38.000 It was fucking great! 0.97

01:15:40.000 Now, before they were kissing, they were throwing up Illuminati signs. 0.99

01:15:43.000 They were doing like that. 0.99

01:15:48.000 And they waited until the fucking camera was right on them and they turned and kissed. 0.99

01:15:54.000 Tongue and everything, by the way. 1.00

01:15:56.000 Watch this.

01:15:57.000 Here it is.

01:15:58.000 The camera's on them. 0.99

01:16:03.000 And you see them after it's grabbed their face like, what the fuck did we do? 0.99

01:16:12.000 Oh, that's so fun. 0.99

01:16:13.000 That's like Borat doing that cage match down south.

01:16:16.000 No, Bruno, not Borat. 0.96

01:16:18.000 Those guys are animals. 0.98

01:16:20.000 Look at that. 0.99

01:16:20.000 They're throwing up the Illuminati sign. 0.99

01:16:22.000 See that?

01:16:22.000 Oh, that's so great.

01:16:27.000 They're probably on mushrooms, too.

01:16:30.000 They get on mushrooms all the time when they do the UFC. Because you could sit there for a long time.

01:16:35.000 Look at that.

01:16:36.000 They're kissed.

01:16:40.000 Because the thing about that is you do it in the moment and it's funny and then all you're thinking about is the two dudes that are sitting behind you the whole time for the rest of the match going, are they going to do that again? 1.00

01:16:50.000 What the fuck? 0.96

01:16:50.000 Well, they were sitting in the seats that are right behind me so they weren't even audience seats. 0.96

01:16:55.000 Those are production seats.

01:16:56.000 Yeah.

01:16:57.000 They're sitting in like the best seats you can get. 1.00

01:16:58.000 Oh, no shit. 0.99

01:16:59.000 They're three feet from the cage. 1.00

01:17:00.000 Wow.

01:17:00.000 You know, they're right there.

01:17:01.000 They're like, literally, they could touch me.

01:17:03.000 They could touch my back.

01:17:04.000 I was supposed to be there. 0.99

01:17:05.000 We did a gig together in Vegas not too long ago with a fight the next day and I had to fucking bail. 0.99

01:17:10.000 God damn it. 0.99

01:17:10.000 I know. 0.99

01:17:11.000 I know. 0.99

01:17:11.000 God damn it. 0.99

01:17:12.000 No Mustang, no ringside seats. 0.99

01:17:15.000 I'm missing it all.

01:17:17.000 Oh, can we plug, by the way, tomorrow night?

01:17:19.000 Tomorrow night.

01:17:19.000 Yeah, we're at the improv.

01:17:20.000 Tomorrow night.

01:17:21.000 March 17th, St. Patrick's Day.

01:17:22.000 Joe Rogan joining once again.

01:17:24.000 I believe you did it last year, too.

01:17:26.000 I've done it a couple times, right?

01:17:27.000 Yeah, I've done it a few times.

01:17:28.000 It's fun.

01:17:29.000 St. Patrick's Day show.

01:17:30.000 We've got all Irish comics coming down.

01:17:33.000 Joe McRogan.

01:17:35.000 Karen Kilgariff.

01:17:36.000 Mike Gibbons.

01:17:38.000 We've got a special guest I can't even announce.

01:17:40.000 Huge name guest.

01:17:41.000 Oh, yeah?

01:17:41.000 Yeah.

01:17:42.000 Is he Irish?

01:17:44.000 Greek.

01:17:45.000 Greek.

01:17:46.000 Okay, we'll talk later.

01:17:47.000 Alright.

01:17:48.000 Okay.

01:17:48.000 It'll be good.

01:17:49.000 Some tickets left.

01:17:51.000 Go to the improv.

01:17:51.000 Always a good time.

01:17:52.000 Always a good time.

01:17:53.000 I have a little Irish.

01:17:54.000 I'm one quarter Irish.

01:17:55.000 That's it?

01:17:56.000 So it's real.

01:17:56.000 Alright, you're still on the show.

01:18:00.000 Yeah, then we're going to have a party afterwards.

01:18:02.000 A little corned beef next door and some Irish music and decorations.

01:18:06.000 I'm so glad they turned the improv around and have that bar in the front again.

01:18:10.000 They had it all wrong for about a year there.

01:18:12.000 Well, they turned it into some lounge in Encino.

01:18:15.000 It was white in there, and it was weird decorations.

01:18:20.000 Who designed this?

01:18:22.000 Now it's dark again, and it looks cool.

01:18:24.000 There was nothing wrong with it in the first place.

01:18:26.000 It was perfect before.

01:18:28.000 Well, I don't know why they did it.

01:18:30.000 I don't know what they were trying to do.

01:18:31.000 Some people can't just leave a good thing alone.

01:18:33.000 I think they thought they were going to have a successful restaurant in the front for some reason, and it didn't pan out, and the restaurant didn't work out, which most restaurants don't.

01:18:41.000 They say like 90% of all restaurants fail in the first year.

01:18:44.000 Right.

01:18:45.000 Yeah.

01:18:45.000 But they got it back.

01:18:46.000 It's great again.

01:18:47.000 Yeah, it's excellent.

01:18:48.000 It's back to its roots.

01:18:49.000 Yeah, it's a great club.

01:18:50.000 Yeah.

01:18:51.000 And I like how they have a second room now.

01:18:53.000 They have that lab.

01:18:54.000 Yeah, the lab's good.

01:18:55.000 Have you done it? 0.98

01:18:55.000 Fucking great. 0.98

01:18:56.000 Yeah, it's really good. 0.97

01:18:56.000 I did it. 0.97

01:18:57.000 That's where I did Ari when Ari first started his This Is Not Happening, the show that was on last night on Comedy Central, which is on every week now.

01:19:06.000 Before Ari had that television show, he started that off in the improv lab, I think, I want to say like six years ago.

01:19:12.000 Yeah.

01:19:13.000 And his idea was, and it was a very smart idea, that you...

01:19:38.000 It's a different format.

01:19:43.000 You're kind of doing stand-up. 0.99

01:19:46.000 But then some guys would fuck it up. 0.76

01:19:47.000 They would go up there and they would just set up punchlines and do just jokes.

01:19:50.000 But then Diaz does it right.

01:19:53.000 Diaz would tell you these crazy stories.

01:19:54.000 And they would be funny.

01:19:55.000 He would find the funny in them.

01:19:57.000 And a lot of those became bits.

01:19:59.000 Because he got comfortable.

01:20:01.000 And Ari did too, as well.

01:20:02.000 Got comfortable saying them in the storytelling format and then sort of edited it down and honed it and sharpened it and folded the steel.

01:20:09.000 And then it made it become a really solid bit.

01:20:11.000 Right.

01:20:11.000 That's where it starts.

01:20:13.000 You know, I got a new bit about seeing a couple fucking in the hotel room across from me. 0.97

01:20:18.000 Did you? 0.99

01:20:19.000 Yeah. 0.98

01:20:19.000 Yeah, it was fucking amazing. 0.98

01:20:21.000 I mean, I won't do the bit. 0.98

01:20:22.000 I'll tell you.

01:20:23.000 The story has now turned into a bit. 0.99

01:20:26.000 That fucking crushes. 0.98

01:20:29.000 You know how sometimes you get a new bit and it can take three months to become your closing bit because you're still working out? 0.99

01:20:36.000 This thing raced to closing bit in like five tellings of it.

01:20:40.000 Really?

01:20:41.000 So I won't do the bit, but I'll tell you the story, which is basically New Year's Eve in Portland. 0.98

01:20:46.000 The hotel is like a horseshoe shape, so I'm on the 10th floor, and I look across into a room, and the curtains are open, lights are on, chick is on her back, legs up, and this dude who's ripped is fucking pounding her!

01:20:59.000 And I'm just standing there looking at him like, this is the greatest thing that's ever happened.

01:21:05.000 I still have my bag in my hand, and I'm just transfixed. 0.99

01:21:09.000 And they're really fucking. 1.00

01:21:11.000 And at one point, he goes down on one knee, eats her out, stands up, keeps fucking. 1.00

01:21:19.000 I'm like high-fiving the glass, like, go, man! 0.99

01:21:22.000 And so I had the curtain closed, because I didn't want them to see me.

01:21:28.000 Pop my head through the curtain.

01:21:31.000 So I look like a photographer from the 1930s.

01:21:36.000 And then I start thinking about what it must sound like.

01:21:42.000 And this is where it gets creepy.

01:21:44.000 Creepier.

01:21:45.000 Is I leave my room.

01:21:47.000 I walk down the hall.

01:21:48.000 And I stand outside the room and I listen.

01:21:50.000 And I hear him grunting.

01:21:53.000 And I hear her go, Oh, Kevin!

01:21:55.000 Kevin!

01:21:56.000 So I go back to my room and I call.

01:21:58.000 I call the room.

01:22:00.000 No!

01:22:00.000 And I'm just watching him, waiting, waiting.

01:22:03.000 He didn't pick up.

01:22:04.000 But if he did, I would have been like, Kevin! 0.99

01:22:07.000 Fucking look out the window, buddy! 1.00

01:22:09.000 I'm jerking off! 1.00

01:22:16.000 But what's better than some free nudity? 1.00

01:22:19.000 Like, you didn't earn it.

01:22:20.000 You didn't have to take anyone out to dinner.

01:22:23.000 You didn't have to go to a strip club. 1.00

01:22:25.000 You just see some nudity in a window.

01:22:28.000 Well, it's way more exciting, for sure.

01:22:30.000 Accidental nudity is way more exciting.

01:22:32.000 Yeah.

01:22:33.000 There's a voyeur instinct that all of us have, for whatever reason.

01:22:36.000 And I don't know why, you know?

01:22:38.000 That's why I like those Jennifer Lawrence leaked sex pics. 1.00

01:22:41.000 Yeah, I love it. 0.77

01:22:42.000 Like, you know, she sent that to her boyfriend.

01:22:44.000 Like, oh my god!

01:22:46.000 It's her, like, spreading her cheeks. 1.00

01:22:48.000 Like, Jennifer Lawrence showing her pussy and her asshole. 1.00

01:22:51.000 And taking a thick one to the face. 1.00

01:22:53.000 Did you see that one?

01:22:53.000 Yes.

01:22:54.000 Yes!

01:22:55.000 Yes!

01:22:57.000 Thick one?

01:23:01.000 But I don't know, like, even looking down a woman's shirt. 0.54

01:23:04.000 Yeah.

01:23:05.000 My mother-in-law was doing the dishes at our house. 0.99

01:23:08.000 She's wearing a nightgown, bent over, looked down her shirt.

01:23:11.000 Not bad. 1.00

01:23:18.000 That's so fucking gross. 0.98

01:23:20.000 Oh, how old was she at the time? 0.99

01:23:22.000 74. You know what?

01:23:26.000 They were full.

01:23:27.000 They were full.

01:23:28.000 And they weren't wrinkled.

01:23:30.000 Mm-hmm. 0.99

01:23:31.000 And I thought, this is what my wife's tits are going to look like in 25 years. 1.00

01:23:36.000 Unless she gets on that collagen. 0.99

01:23:38.000 Oh, man.

01:23:39.000 That's going to be great for everybody.

01:23:42.000 It's going to be weird, man.

01:23:44.000 Going to see 80-year-old hot ladies. 1.00

01:23:46.000 Yeah.

01:23:47.000 They're going to smell like 80-year-olds, though.

01:23:49.000 Once they open their mouth, they smell tombs. 1.00

01:23:54.000 Bats come flying out of their pussy. 1.00

01:23:56.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:23:58.000 Fucking flies and shit. 1.00

01:24:00.000 Like, did I just walk into a Bikram yoga studio? 1.00

01:24:02.000 It'd be nice if, like, you had an expiration date, you'd work up to that date, and everything worked awesome up until that date, and then into the great abyss.

01:24:11.000 I think there should be an option.

01:24:13.000 I think that you should have total coverage for your health.

01:24:18.000 You know, talk about universal health care. 0.99

01:24:21.000 Fucking blue cross to the nth degree. 0.99

01:24:24.000 Everything you need, one dollar copay, whatever. 1.00

01:24:27.000 But then when you turn 73, they just come, you're sleeping, one bullet to the back of the head.

01:24:35.000 Or you get a minimal policy, a lot of copay, big deductible, but you get it for the rest of your life as long as you live.

01:24:42.000 Yeah, but the shooting you in the head part, why do they have to shoot you in the head at 73?

01:24:48.000 Because you'll be a drain on the system after that. 0.94

01:24:50.000 Can't you just pay more money?

01:24:52.000 No, because that money has to go back into the system.

01:24:55.000 Yeah, but you're earning money if you're alive.

01:24:57.000 Not if you're 74. Yeah, maybe you're one of those Warren Buffet type characters still out there hustling.

01:25:02.000 That's true.

01:25:03.000 Every day I'm hustling.

01:25:04.000 You know, he lives in Omaha, Nebraska. 0.99

01:25:07.000 Yeah, same house he fucking first had his kids in. 0.99

01:25:10.000 How is that possible? 0.99

01:25:12.000 Fly's coach?

01:25:13.000 How's nobody robbing him?

01:25:15.000 Right.

01:25:16.000 He flies coach?

01:25:17.000 I believe so.

01:25:17.000 Or maybe that was Sam Walton that flies coach.

01:25:20.000 Sam Walton used to fly coach.

01:25:22.000 My only problem with that is why have all that money then?

01:25:25.000 What's he doing with it?

01:25:26.000 If I would think there's one thing you want to pay for that costs a little extra, it's business class.

01:25:32.000 It makes a flight from exhausting and aggravating to relaxing. 0.99

01:25:37.000 If you're in first class, you don't want to get off the fucking plane when you land. 1.00

01:25:41.000 You're sitting there, you're watching a good movie, you've got some soft leather wrapped around your dirty asshole, and you've just got a little mimosa. 1.00

01:25:48.000 You're talking to interesting, wealthy people. 1.00

01:25:50.000 Sometimes. 1.00

01:25:51.000 Sometimes you're getting your ear chewed off by a moron. 1.00

01:25:53.000 Yeah, that's true. 1.00

01:25:54.000 That can happen too.

01:25:54.000 That should be part of first class.

01:25:57.000 It's just a fucking little, like a urinal divider comes up in between you and that guy. 0.99

01:26:02.000 As soon as someone starts talking to you, just look at him. 0.99

01:26:06.000 And your eyes slowly.

01:26:08.000 Right.

01:26:10.000 Yeah, there's some people that you sit next to, it's great, but you can't choose. 0.97

01:26:13.000 I was on the fucking plane the other day, headed back from Vegas, and there was a drunk guy that was doing, air quotes, business on the phone. 0.98

01:26:20.000 And he was so loud. 1.00

01:26:22.000 Tony and I were like, what the fuck? 0.99

01:26:24.000 And he was like, well, basically the bottom line is, if we get this account, we are set. 0.99

01:26:30.000 And he's drunk, and he's being real.

01:26:31.000 I think maybe he was doing it to let everyone know that he's doing business.

01:26:35.000 Of course he was.

01:26:36.000 Because he was definitely hammered.

01:26:37.000 Yeah.

01:26:38.000 The plane takes off, and then within five minutes of the flight being in the air, he's out cold, snoring. 1.00

01:26:44.000 Just drunk off his ass. 1.00

01:26:45.000 Probably stayed up all night, got on the flight. 1.00

01:26:48.000 Pig. 0.99

01:26:48.000 Alcohol. 0.99

01:26:49.000 He had some runaway grinding on his cock to a Van Halen song about three hours earlier. 1.00

01:26:54.000 That's the good part. 1.00

01:26:56.000 Panama!

01:26:57.000 Panama!

01:27:01.000 Just rocked out to some Van Halen driving over here.

01:27:04.000 They came on the Sirius XM. Eddie Van Halen is one of the greatest guitar players ever.

01:27:11.000 Of all time.

01:27:12.000 Unquestionably. 1.00

01:27:13.000 He's a bad motherfucker. 1.00

01:27:14.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:27:15.000 But Vali Bertinelli.

01:27:17.000 In our prime.

01:27:18.000 Yeah.

01:27:20.000 Wrecked that band, though.

01:27:22.000 Did she?

01:27:22.000 Did she yoko it?

01:27:24.000 Yeah.

01:27:24.000 Oh, I didn't know that.

01:27:25.000 In a lot of ways.

01:27:25.000 Yeah, that's why David Lee Roth, that's a big part of why David Lee Roth jettisoned during the prime days.

01:27:31.000 Yeah.

01:27:32.000 And then they turned into Sam Hagar.

01:27:35.000 Didn't enjoy one of those songs.

01:27:37.000 It was a different band.

01:27:39.000 It was weird.

01:27:40.000 It was still super successful and maybe even more successful with Sammy Hagar than it was with David Lee Roth.

01:27:48.000 But man, it was not the same band.

01:27:51.000 It was a different band entirely.

01:27:52.000 It was weird.

01:27:54.000 It was weird.

01:27:55.000 It's not like ACDC, which just smoothly transitioned.

01:27:58.000 Yeah, like you can't even tell.

01:28:00.000 You go listen to old ACDC and then the new singer ACDC, which is old still now, but it's all ACDC. Van Halen's like two fucking massively different bands. 0.74

01:28:12.000 But there's like that poppy, bullshitty stuff that became massively, massively successful. 0.96

01:28:20.000 Well, it was like guys trying to be hard rockers.

01:28:24.000 It was like they were playing a character.

01:28:26.000 That's what Sammy Hagar always seemed like to me.

01:28:28.000 I can't drive!

01:28:31.000 You can't drive 55?

01:28:32.000 55!

01:28:32.000 Really?

01:28:33.000 You can't?

01:28:34.000 Even if there's a cop on the side of the road, you'd like literally have to speed past the cop. 0.99

01:28:39.000 55 is a bullshit speed limit though. 0.97

01:28:41.000 That's why they got rid of it. 0.99

01:28:42.000 It's really 65. Now?

01:28:44.000 But I mean, if it says 65, you can go 74. You won't get pulled over.

01:28:49.000 Yeah, you might.

01:28:50.000 Well, on a Porsche you will.

01:28:51.000 You can get pulled over.

01:28:52.000 You're a lightning rod in that thing.

01:28:55.000 Yeah.

01:28:56.000 In any kind of car, though, if you're going 10 miles an hour over, they can get you.

01:29:00.000 Not a Prius.

01:29:01.000 Really?

01:29:01.000 No, they just look at you and they feel so bad for you.

01:29:04.000 Poor bastard. 1.00

01:29:04.000 This car doesn't even make noise. 1.00

01:29:06.000 I can't believe he can even go.

01:29:07.000 I'm proud of him. 1.00

01:29:08.000 He's rolling down a hill like a fucking Hot Wheels car. 1.00

01:29:13.000 Look, he's got golf clubs on the back. 0.99

01:29:15.000 How many gallons or gas, how many miles to the gallon do you get?

01:29:20.000 You want to hear the sad part?

01:29:21.000 There's a button that you can push on your Prius that takes all the electricity off so that you just drive with the gas, but it makes you, like, way faster.

01:29:31.000 And I push that every time, so I don't even really get the savings.

01:29:35.000 Really?

01:29:36.000 It takes away the electricity?

01:29:37.000 It's like a boost.

01:29:38.000 I don't know if it completely does, but it gives you...

01:29:40.000 I'm telling you, it is a quick car.

01:29:43.000 If you don't have the electricity thing turned on. 0.90

01:29:46.000 Because it's so fucking light and aerodynamic. 0.74

01:29:48.000 It's quick. 0.99

01:29:49.000 I'm telling you, I line up on the fucking... 0.99

01:29:51.000 At a red light, I line up against Mustang GTs. 1.00

01:29:54.000 And they just don't try to beat you because you're a Prius.

01:29:57.000 That's right.

01:29:58.000 We race for pink slips.

01:30:02.000 Well, it also has no gears, right?

01:30:04.000 No gears.

01:30:06.000 It's just one gear.

01:30:07.000 Fast, slow. 0.70

01:30:08.000 Fast, slow. 0.70

01:30:09.000 Yep.

01:30:10.000 If you fill your tank up with gas, how long does it last?

01:30:14.000 I don't drive a lot.

01:30:15.000 I live on the west side.

01:30:16.000 I drive three miles at a time.

01:30:20.000 Do you still miss Venice?

01:30:21.000 Do you still miss being in that little tight-knit community?

01:30:23.000 Well, you know, I'm only a mile away.

01:30:25.000 Right.

01:30:26.000 But, yeah, I miss it a lot.

01:30:28.000 It makes my quality of life is about 30% worse not living in that neighborhood.

01:30:33.000 I used to walk my dog and say hi to seven people, which I know we've talked about.

01:30:36.000 You don't love that.

01:30:37.000 I love that.

01:30:38.000 I like to be in contact with people.

01:30:40.000 I like to walk into houses.

01:30:42.000 Well, I'd love that if it was like you.

01:30:44.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:30:45.000 If, you know, on my block was Duncan, Ari, you, Callan, Joey Diaz, we'd have a fucking great time. 0.96

01:30:51.000 It would be awesome. 0.96

01:30:52.000 That's the goal.

01:30:52.000 We gotta get a cul-de-sac and all buy houses.

01:30:54.000 Yeah, we'd have to all agree to live together.

01:30:57.000 Yeah.

01:30:57.000 You know, we'd have to all like find a spot together.

01:30:59.000 That we all agree to.

01:31:01.000 But if you could engineer that...

01:31:03.000 Share a pool.

01:31:04.000 Have like a rec room where there's a pool table and a ping pong table.

01:31:08.000 That can be done.

01:31:09.000 Steam room.

01:31:10.000 What you gotta do is you gotta buy like a giant piece of land and develop on it.

01:31:14.000 Right.

01:31:14.000 Develop your own gated community.

01:31:16.000 Yep.

01:31:17.000 Call it a church.

01:31:18.000 Don't pay taxes.

01:31:19.000 Yeah, yeah. 1.00

01:31:19.000 Fuck all each other's wives, right? 1.00

01:31:21.000 What? 1.00

01:31:21.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:31:22.000 Yeah, that's what we do.

01:31:23.000 Take acid, Kool-Aid, whatever we gotta do.

01:31:26.000 Do Bikram yoga every morning.

01:31:27.000 Well, do yoga.

01:31:28.000 We'll bring Bikram in. 1.00

01:31:29.000 He'll be the leader.

01:31:31.000 Put him on the hill.

01:31:33.000 He'll start his automotive engineering school there.

01:31:37.000 This warehouse. 0.99

01:31:38.000 Yeah, our kids will all be fucking mechanics. 0.99

01:31:39.000 They'll all know how to fix Rolls Royces. 0.99

01:31:41.000 Yeah.

01:31:43.000 Oh, you know who's done that?

01:31:45.000 There's a guy, Uriah Faber, who's a former WEC champion.

01:31:49.000 He's fighting for the UFC bantamweight title.

01:31:51.000 Great guy.

01:31:52.000 A lot of his fighters, they have a house on a cul-de-sac.

01:31:56.000 They call it The Block.

01:31:57.000 Bought a few houses in this area.

01:32:00.000 It's one area.

01:32:01.000 Because he buys and flips houses.

01:32:03.000 It's one of his side gigs.

01:32:05.000 He buys houses and I believe his dad does construction.

01:32:08.000 His dad refurbishes these houses and sells them.

01:32:11.000 So they bought some houses all on the same block. 0.99

01:32:14.000 And while he was, I think New Year's Eve, some girl broke into his house, shit all over the place, threw up, like some girl that he didn't even know. 0.85

01:32:24.000 She was hammered and she broke into his house and he like, I think he filmed it and put it on YouTube or like put it on Instagram or something like that. 0.95

01:32:32.000 You mean his security cameras caught it?

01:32:34.000 No, he was there!

01:32:36.000 Like, he was there.

01:32:37.000 This girl, like, came into his house, and she was just completely smashed.

01:32:41.000 He had no idea who she was.

01:32:42.000 So he just pulled out his phone and started videotaping it?

01:32:45.000 See if he could find that.

01:32:46.000 Yeah.

01:32:46.000 Like, just as an experiment?

01:32:47.000 Like, let's see what she'll do?

01:32:49.000 Well, I think he was like, um, this is not your house.

01:32:52.000 You have to leave. 1.00

01:32:54.000 No shit. 1.00

01:32:55.000 She was just so fucking smashed, she didn't know where she was. 1.00

01:32:59.000 He could have been Dr. Huxtable that night. 0.98

01:33:01.000 Well, I think she was relatively large.

01:33:05.000 Yeah.

01:33:05.000 And here it is.

01:33:07.000 Uriah Faber's Snapchat.

01:33:08.000 Oh, there was other guys there.

01:33:09.000 Yeah.

01:33:10.000 She locked herself in his bathroom.

01:33:14.000 So he's...

01:33:17.000 He's walking with his phone to the bathroom.

01:33:21.000 See if you can skip through a lot of this.

01:33:23.000 And I'm guessing he's got the right to show this because it's his house.

01:33:32.000 Oh, the cops showed up now.

01:33:34.000 The cops are going to kick this girl off. 1.00

01:33:36.000 These are all edited videos.

01:33:38.000 Oh, it's all edited.

01:33:39.000 You don't have the good stuff.

01:33:41.000 Oh, I see, I see.

01:33:43.000 Do you do Snapchat?

01:33:44.000 Do you have a Snapchat?

01:33:46.000 I... I'm not sure if I have it or not.

01:33:48.000 I do not have a Snapchat, but people like that shit. 1.00

01:33:51.000 They like the Snapchat. 0.99

01:33:52.000 Is Snapchat when it goes up and then you watch it and it comes down?

01:33:55.000 Yeah, it goes away after a while.

01:33:58.000 Why would you want it to go away though?

01:33:59.000 I'm not sure.

01:34:00.000 I think you can keep it if you want.

01:34:02.000 You can make it stay there and it becomes like a story or something.

01:34:06.000 Right, that's the new thing. 1.00

01:34:07.000 I can't keep up with all this shit. 1.00

01:34:08.000 There's too many. 1.00

01:34:10.000 Do you periscope?

01:34:11.000 I have periscoped.

01:34:12.000 I stopped periscoping.

01:34:15.000 I did it for a while.

01:34:17.000 But I'm on Brody Stevens all the time.

01:34:19.000 I watch him all the time.

01:34:20.000 He periscopes everything.

01:34:22.000 It's the greatest.

01:34:23.000 He puts his iPhone on a holster and periscopes on his way to work, on his way to the store.

01:34:28.000 Right.

01:34:28.000 Just talking.

01:34:29.000 Yeah.

01:34:30.000 While Joey Diaz doing the morning smoke is the greatest.

01:34:33.000 That's the greatest.

01:34:34.000 Joey gets up every morning.

01:34:35.000 I think he does it at 7 o'clock in the morning.

01:34:37.000 He smokes a joint and starts talking.

01:34:39.000 He gives you motivation.

01:34:41.000 Motivational insight from Uncle Joey. 1.00

01:34:44.000 Good morning, motherfuckers. 1.00

01:34:46.000 And he gets high. 1.00

01:34:49.000 Like ridiculously high.

01:34:51.000 And he's doing it on camera.

01:34:52.000 You just keep seeing him hitting it and smoking.

01:34:54.000 That was one of the ones where he explained his beef with John Caparulo.

01:35:00.000 He had a beef with John Caparulo?

01:35:01.000 Oh my god, legendary. 1.00

01:35:02.000 No shit. 1.00

01:35:03.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 0.99

01:35:04.000 What happened?

01:35:05.000 It played out on Twitter where they were both going back and forth with each other.

01:35:08.000 Yeah?

01:35:08.000 Yeah, and then it played out at the Comedy Store where Joey apparently and him got into some sort of an altercation recently.

01:35:14.000 Physical?

01:35:15.000 Joey spit in his face, I think.

01:35:18.000 Whoa! 0.71

01:35:18.000 Yeah. 0.71

01:35:19.000 Was it a joke thief thing?

01:35:21.000 No, no.

01:35:22.000 You would have to talk to both of them for it to be fair, for me to give you a real assessment of what happened.

01:35:30.000 Okay.

01:35:31.000 But essentially, it was Joey's contention that John was trying to control the lineups and keep certain people from performing.

01:35:41.000 Really? 0.95

01:35:42.000 That he fucked over other comedians in doing so. 0.72

01:35:44.000 John Caparulo denies this. 1.00

01:35:47.000 And he says that Joey's a bully and a prison yard asshole and that kind of shit. 1.00

01:35:53.000 So, you know, obviously my loyalty is with Joey Diaz. 1.00

01:35:58.000 I'm on Joey's side all the way.

01:35:59.000 Always. 1.00

01:36:00.000 Fuck Caparulo. 1.00

01:36:06.000 You know what that guy did to me one time? 1.00

01:36:09.000 Caparulo?

01:36:09.000 Yeah.

01:36:09.000 What'd he do?

01:36:10.000 He asked me, can I be on your podcast?

01:36:14.000 And I'm like, all right.

01:36:18.000 Whatever.

01:36:18.000 So I give him a date, time.

01:36:20.000 We come up with a date and a time.

01:36:21.000 And then, like, it's 11 o'clock, and I email him, like, where are you?

01:36:27.000 And he's like, oh, I'm on my way, but there's really thick traffic on the 405. And I look, you know, I look it up on IMAPs.

01:36:35.000 It's fucking, it's all green. 0.99

01:36:37.000 Everything's green. 1.00

01:36:37.000 It's a pasture. 1.00

01:36:39.000 There's no red lines.

01:36:41.000 And so I go, all right, well, I'm here.

01:36:42.000 Come whenever.

01:36:43.000 And then he, you know, emails me back like 20 minutes later. 0.98

01:36:47.000 I'm fucking wasting my whole day.

01:36:48.000 And he's like, it's not geographically optimal for me right now. 0.98

01:36:55.000 But I'm free all day if you want to come to my house.

01:36:58.000 Come up to my house in the valley.

01:37:01.000 And I was just like, delete.

01:37:04.000 What?

01:37:05.000 Yeah.

01:37:07.000 Hmm.

01:37:09.000 How odd.

01:37:12.000 I don't want to feed into a beef here.

01:37:14.000 Yeah, I don't think you are, but I think you're, you know, there's something going on there.

01:37:18.000 Something weird.

01:37:19.000 Yeah.

01:37:20.000 Kind of controlling.

01:37:21.000 Yeah.

01:37:22.000 I don't know.

01:37:23.000 It might.

01:37:23.000 Who knows?

01:37:24.000 We could talk off air.

01:37:26.000 I could speculate with you off air involving all sorts of various things that people might get really excited about doing.

01:37:35.000 A lot of speculation.

01:37:38.000 I never have a problem with him.

01:37:40.000 I've never had a problem with him.

01:37:41.000 I don't know.

01:37:42.000 No, he's a good guy.

01:37:42.000 He thinks, though, that I somehow or another am involved in this, and so his paranoia is fed into this.

01:37:47.000 He thinks that Joey Diaz is my hitman, and that somehow or another I'm plotting against him, which I don't even understand why I would do that.

01:37:54.000 I don't know why.

01:37:56.000 I don't get it.

01:37:58.000 I don't know, man.

01:37:59.000 Some people, they tripped themselves.

01:38:01.000 Oh, absolutely. 0.99

01:38:03.000 And the thing is about the Comedy Store, as much as I love it, sometimes that shit gets a little schoolyardy. 0.98

01:38:11.000 Not as much anymore, man. 0.97

01:38:12.000 Now that Tommy's gone, I mean, that is also because...

01:38:17.000 John was friends with Tommy.

01:38:18.000 And that's also part of Joey's contention is that he pulled up with Tommy to control that place.

01:38:25.000 I don't know. 0.99

01:38:26.000 I don't give a fuck. 0.99

01:38:27.000 I go, I tell my jokes, I say hi to people like you. 0.99

01:38:29.000 I hang out with my friends.

01:38:31.000 I don't want to be involved. 0.99

01:38:32.000 I don't give a fuck. 0.99

01:38:32.000 You get there 20 minutes early, say what's up. 0.99

01:38:35.000 All that shit is just a waste of time. 0.99

01:38:37.000 There's a lot of people out there that are living their lives just sort of going with the momentum of all these things that people love to do, all the gossipy things and, you know, get involved in controlling this. 1.00

01:38:50.000 Think about yourself.

01:38:51.000 Just think about what you're doing.

01:38:53.000 Don't get distracted.

01:38:54.000 And I think a lot of that is a distraction.

01:38:56.000 A lot of the people's fixating on other people. 1.00

01:38:59.000 This fucking guy, he's doing this. 1.00

01:39:01.000 That fucking guy's doing that. 1.00

01:39:02.000 Man, he's not even funny. 1.00

01:39:05.000 Why is he getting on before me?

01:39:06.000 That is all a distraction.

01:39:07.000 And it keeps you from thinking about yourself.

01:39:10.000 There's a lot of people out there that spend a tremendous amount of time hating on other people and very little time working on themselves. 1.00

01:39:16.000 And it's a fucking trap. 0.99

01:39:18.000 It's an easy trap to get into because there's no commitment to hating on someone. 1.00

01:39:25.000 There's no consequences if it doesn't go well.

01:39:27.000 So you put your energy into that.

01:39:30.000 And, you know, almost like you're hoping they fail so that it justifies this idea that you have in your head, but you're not benefiting from it.

01:39:37.000 And it's wasting.

01:39:38.000 You can waste a day. 0.94

01:39:39.000 You can stew about something, and then all of a sudden, at the end of the day, and there was shit that you wanted to accomplish that you didn't do because you were obsessed with fucking Googling the person and finding out if it's a story that people are latching onto. 0.92

01:39:53.000 Like, this whole thing with Joey. 0.89

01:39:55.000 I'm sure it's wasted more of his time than he wanted it to.

01:39:57.000 Yeah, but he put it on Periscope and it's pretty amusing.

01:40:00.000 Oh, he did.

01:40:00.000 Yeah.

01:40:01.000 And he's smoking pot while he's talking about it. 1.00

01:40:04.000 Let me explain to you what that cunt did. 1.00

01:40:10.000 I don't know. 1.00

01:40:13.000 Why do people love it so much, though?

01:40:16.000 I don't know.

01:40:16.000 Why do I love it?

01:40:17.000 I don't know.

01:40:19.000 I don't love it with everybody, though.

01:40:21.000 With Joey, it's just entertaining.

01:40:23.000 I don't know.

01:40:24.000 Well, I love him so much.

01:40:25.000 When he's involved in something, I'm involved whether I like it or not.

01:40:29.000 I have to be.

01:40:32.000 But it's...

01:40:34.000 There's a lot of wasted energy, is my point.

01:40:37.000 And even with Joey, he's done with it now.

01:40:39.000 He won't even talk about it now. 1.00

01:40:40.000 He goes, I don't give a fuck. 1.00

01:40:41.000 I don't give a fuck, Joe Rogan. 1.00

01:40:43.000 I murdered them in San Jose! 1.00

01:40:45.000 Murdered them! 0.99

01:40:49.000 He's just out there smashing.

01:40:50.000 He's hit a whole new level recently, too.

01:40:52.000 Yeah?

01:40:52.000 Has he?

01:40:53.000 Oh my god.

01:40:55.000 He's got this bit, I don't want to give up any of the details of the bit, but he's got this bit where I'm just like, the frenzy that he approaches this bit with on stage, like, wow, he's on another level.

01:41:06.000 He's like hitting new levels.

01:41:08.000 Well, I had to follow him in the main room of the store recently, and he went up and People were doubled over.

01:41:16.000 They couldn't even make noise.

01:41:17.000 It was just cruel what he did to this audience.

01:41:21.000 And then, you know, in the comedy story, each act brings up the next act.

01:41:25.000 So he introduces me and then I come up and he shakes my hand and he whispers in my ear, Sorry, dude.

01:41:36.000 He knew I couldn't follow it right out of the gate.

01:41:41.000 Yeah, man. 1.00

01:41:41.000 He's a monster. 1.00

01:41:43.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:41:43.000 He murdered in Vegas. 1.00

01:41:44.000 Yeah.

01:41:45.000 I was with him in Vegas two weeks ago.

01:41:46.000 A car theater, 2,000 people. 1.00

01:41:48.000 He's fucking destroyed. 0.99

01:41:52.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:41:54.000 Destroyed. 1.00

01:41:54.000 He's a monster. 1.00

01:41:56.000 He's just, uh, he's hit this level right now where he's just so free and loose and he's concentrating on stand-up so much. 0.79

01:42:04.000 He's really into it, you know?

01:42:06.000 And he's reaping the rewards.

01:42:07.000 Like, finally people are recognizing, like, he sells out everywhere now, like, in advance.

01:42:12.000 So finally people are recognizing how talented he is and how dedicated he is.

01:42:16.000 I mean it's really just one of those examples of focus and attention equaling results.

01:42:21.000 Like focusing on something, really honing it and really putting your focus and your attention on something and then seeing the results of it.

01:42:28.000 He's just really passionate right now about stand-up.

01:42:30.000 He's always been.

01:42:31.000 But right now because he's getting so much love and he's just constantly selling out everywhere, crushing it.

01:42:40.000 So he's like really like feeling it.

01:42:42.000 Yeah.

01:42:43.000 I think Bill Burr went through the same thing.

01:42:45.000 He just put massive focus on, you know, he just, one of those guys, you know, he would put writing and performing ahead of other things.

01:42:54.000 Be like, hey man, you want to do a podcast?

01:42:56.000 I can't for the next two months.

01:42:57.000 I'm just focusing on stand-up.

01:43:00.000 That's it.

01:43:01.000 Yeah, well, that's the way to do it, right?

01:43:03.000 I mean, you can always focus more, right?

01:43:05.000 And I think for me, the balance has always been focusing so much that I lose some passion for it.

01:43:11.000 You know, like sometimes I take a couple of days off and I come back hot and rejuvenated. 0.94

01:43:16.000 Like last night was really fucking fun. 0.88

01:43:20.000 We did this benefit. 0.97

01:43:21.000 Brian Callen had a benefit last night.

01:43:23.000 We did it in the main room.

01:43:24.000 And so last night was Tuesday, so I didn't work Sunday or Monday.

01:43:29.000 So taking Sunday or Monday off, I came in Tuesday fired up.

01:43:32.000 It's nice.

01:43:34.000 So I think there's this balance of letting it go, living life, and then concentrating again, coming back at it.

01:43:42.000 It's like grinding too much is not good either because then you lose a little bit of focus.

01:43:47.000 There's this weird balance that you have to achieve.

01:43:50.000 There's also a nice balance between the road and in town.

01:43:53.000 I just did three weeks in a row on the road.

01:43:56.000 I came back.

01:43:57.000 I took off four days or something.

01:44:00.000 And then when I went out, it was like when you'd been running with weights and all of a sudden you're doing a 15-minute spot at the comedy store in front of a hot crowd.

01:44:09.000 And it was like... 0.97

01:44:11.000 Just fucking effortless. 0.96

01:44:13.000 It was like you were floating above the room going like, yeah, now I'll throw this in. 0.98

01:44:17.000 I'll throw it like, just toying with them.

01:44:19.000 Yeah.

01:44:19.000 Having such a blast.

01:44:20.000 Well, you know, it's also those long sets that you do on the road.

01:44:24.000 That's what brings everything together.

01:44:25.000 Yeah.

01:44:25.000 When you're doing like a headlining set and you're doing an hour and ten and just sort of sorting it all out and putting it all together and you get loose and you just do it like Friday night two shows, Saturday night two shows.

01:44:40.000 Dude, comedy is in a lot of ways like exercise.

01:44:44.000 Yeah.

01:44:44.000 You know, you get in shape.

01:44:46.000 You get in shape for it.

01:44:47.000 Yeah.

01:44:47.000 And also like exercise, you need recovery.

01:44:49.000 Right.

01:44:51.000 When we were young, we didn't recover. 0.98

01:44:53.000 I mean, I used to work six, seven nights a week, fucking every week, year round. 0.97

01:44:57.000 Yeah. 0.95

01:44:57.000 And you kind of need that when you're starting out. 0.95

01:45:00.000 Well, we were so... 1.00

01:45:01.000 We were like colts right out of the horse's pussy. 1.00

01:45:05.000 We just didn't know how to walk. 1.00

01:45:06.000 Yeah.

01:45:09.000 We just needed to get on stage to get our stage legs. 0.76

01:45:13.000 Yeah, right.

01:45:15.000 It's a strange thing, comedy, because you really think after all these years that you would have it down, but you don't really.

01:45:24.000 You're always getting better.

01:45:26.000 You always have to stay on top of it.

01:45:30.000 I wonder if music is like that.

01:45:32.000 I guess it must be, because musicians are notorious for their practice.

01:45:38.000 That's one thing that I think I kind of envy about musicians.

01:45:42.000 They have to be disciplined.

01:45:44.000 They have to practice.

01:45:46.000 They can't practice in front of a crowd.

01:45:48.000 They can't go in front of a crowd with a half-assed song.

01:45:51.000 And hope it comes together because the crowd's hot.

01:45:53.000 Yeah.

01:45:53.000 Right, right.

01:45:54.000 You can't talk to the crowd halfway through because you didn't finish writing the book.

01:45:57.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:45:58.000 Like, someone said something about Ian Edwards. 0.99

01:46:03.000 Like, you know, that Ian, like, oh, man, he's fucking writing. 0.99

01:46:06.000 He's always writing. 0.99

01:46:07.000 He's always putting stuff together.

01:46:08.000 Like, yeah, shouldn't we all be doing that, man?

01:46:10.000 Yeah.

01:46:10.000 Like, yeah, I guess so.

01:46:12.000 He was like, yeah, I guess so.

01:46:13.000 But I like to write on stage. 0.92

01:46:14.000 Well, yeah, because it's fucking easier that way.

01:46:16.000 You go on stage with a half-assed premise and you're forced to kind of put it together. 0.93

01:46:20.000 Yeah.

01:46:21.000 It's just fear that keeps you from sitting down and doing it.

01:46:23.000 I think people feel like maybe they're not...

01:46:26.000 That strong of a writer, and they sit down, and they're almost afraid that it won't come together.

01:46:31.000 But then when you have the energy of being on stage, then, you know, you can use that.

01:46:35.000 But it's just, it's slower, you know, writing off stage.

01:46:39.000 It takes longer because you're just not, your energy's not as high.

01:46:43.000 But you can lay down the idea, at least, and the structure, and then maybe it'll get funnier on stage.

01:46:49.000 But you can't start from scratch up there.

01:46:51.000 Some people can.

01:46:52.000 I mean, some people do.

01:46:53.000 But I think everybody would benefit from both.

01:46:56.000 Right.

01:46:57.000 I think everybody would benefit from ad-libbing on stage, and everybody would benefit from writing more.

01:47:01.000 Yeah.

01:47:01.000 That's what I try to tell young comics.

01:47:03.000 I'm like, man, you force yourself to write.

01:47:05.000 Even if you only write an hour a day, just sit down for an hour a day, just force yourself to go over some ideas, and they will blossom, man.

01:47:12.000 Yeah. 0.89

01:47:12.000 They will fucking find a way to make it out to that stage. 0.89

01:47:16.000 And they may not right away. 0.98

01:47:17.000 Sometimes, like, I haven't done this in a while, but I bought a notebook about a month ago, and I just started writing longhand again, you know, read the paper for a little while, or just muse, listen to sets that I did on stage, and maybe I started a little tangent and, you know, write that up, and I just fucking fill in this notebook.

01:47:33.000 And it's not all making it right into my act, but some of it is.

01:47:37.000 Some of it goes into the podcast.

01:47:38.000 It's kind of like just a running journal that I can draw from.

01:47:42.000 But I've had bits that I've started a year before and pounded it, believed in it, kept trying it, trying it, hitting my head against it while it doesn't work.

01:47:49.000 And then you pick it up again six months ago and it just clicked.

01:47:52.000 It's like you found it.

01:47:54.000 But it has to sit latent in your brain sometimes for it to work.

01:47:57.000 Yeah, sometimes a thing can happen in life and that thing in life opens up a door.

01:48:03.000 And you go, oh, I could approach it this way.

01:48:06.000 Or, oh, I'm looking at it the wrong way.

01:48:08.000 Or, oh, of course, it's this.

01:48:11.000 I think that's the same way with any kind of creative writing.

01:48:16.000 Whether you're writing stories, you're writing a blog.

01:48:19.000 Sometimes you just have to go outside of it.

01:48:22.000 You write some stuff down, then you go outside of it, live your life, and then re-approach it.

01:48:26.000 Every day, my perspective shifts at least a little bit.

01:48:30.000 You have core values and things you believe in and things you agree with and don't agree with.

01:48:35.000 But every day, some things will happen in life that make you look at things a little bit of a different way.

01:48:40.000 Especially when it comes to current events and politics and the world.

01:48:44.000 Every day, people go, oh man, you were so wishy-washy with some of your ideas. 0.98

01:48:48.000 Well, yeah, they're fucking flexible. 0.82

01:48:50.000 They're moving around a lot. 0.97

01:48:52.000 Yeah.

01:48:52.000 You know, especially when it comes to things that are happening in the world.

01:48:55.000 Right.

01:48:55.000 And I think sometimes you just gotta, like, let those things, like, let your thoughts sort of roll around without trying to constantly define them and then re-approach the idea.

01:49:06.000 Then come back to the original notebook or the original piece that you wrote and look at it again maybe a week later and go, well, now that I've experienced a couple things in life this week and looked at the world a little bit, One of the things that Tom Segur and Christina Pazitsky do, we had a conversation,

01:49:22.000 Christina and I, the other day.

01:49:24.000 She said that they used to do their podcast twice a week, and they decided to go back to doing it once a week.

01:49:29.000 And I was like, how come? 0.99

01:49:29.000 And she goes, I think it's good to live, to live your life and then have some shit to talk about. 0.99

01:49:35.000 Like, if you do too many of them, then sometimes you're just talking shit and doesn't necessarily mean anything. 0.99

01:49:43.000 Well, especially because for them it's about their relationship and what's happened in it. 0.92

01:49:47.000 Yeah.

01:49:47.000 So, you know, they're not bringing in a new guest who can bring new ideas.

01:49:51.000 They're talking about their life.

01:49:53.000 Yeah.

01:49:54.000 Well, they occasionally have guests, but yeah, for the most part.

01:49:56.000 Yeah.

01:49:56.000 That's the way to avoid it, is to have guests.

01:49:58.000 Yeah, right.

01:49:59.000 Like, people always say, like, how do you talk to people for three hours, five days a week? 0.98

01:50:03.000 Well, they're fucking interesting people. 0.98

01:50:05.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:50:05.000 You know, it's not hard. 0.99

01:50:06.000 You just have cool conversations.

01:50:08.000 Yeah, right.

01:50:09.000 You know, but if you don't...

01:50:11.000 If you just do it yourself, like, Bill Burr is the most amazing one.

01:50:14.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:50:15.000 Because Bill doesn't even have a fucking guest. 0.99

01:50:17.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:50:17.000 And he's got a couple ideas of some shit he wants to talk about, some things that happen, but he just rambles. 0.99

01:50:22.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:50:23.000 By himself.

01:50:24.000 Yeah, I started doing a thing, I've done about five of them now, called The Sunday Papers, where I just, I get the Sunday paper and I read it and I just make some notes and then I just hit record and I go for an hour about the Sunday paper.

01:50:35.000 I'm going to do one.

01:50:36.000 I'm going to be on vacation this week, after this weekend.

01:50:39.000 And when I go on vacation from doing the podcast, I'm going to put up a little Instagram question mark.

01:50:45.000 And I'm going to say, just ask me some questions.

01:50:46.000 Throw some questions.

01:50:47.000 And I'm going to just answer some of the questions on a iPhone.

01:50:49.000 Oh, that's great.

01:50:51.000 You're going to be on vacation with the family?

01:50:52.000 Yes, my friend.

01:50:53.000 Nice.

01:50:54.000 Relax.

01:50:55.000 Yeah, there you go.

01:50:56.000 You need more of that, right?

01:50:57.000 I know.

01:50:57.000 You need more relax in this life.

01:50:59.000 More relax.

01:51:00.000 Yeah, we're going to Colorado next week.

01:51:03.000 Ski. 0.72

01:51:03.000 I thought you were going to say get high. 0.72

01:51:05.000 Going to get high.

01:51:05.000 Well, I'll probably get high.

01:51:06.000 I'm doing shows, but then we're going to go ski after that.

01:51:09.000 Which part?

01:51:10.000 Aspen?

01:51:10.000 I don't know.

01:51:11.000 We just kind of rented a car.

01:51:14.000 We'll go get on 70 West, maybe stop in Breckenridge or maybe go to Vail.

01:51:19.000 I know Ari just went to Vail. 1.00

01:51:21.000 He just broke his ankle.

01:51:21.000 Broke his ankle out there.

01:51:22.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:51:23.000 Fuck skiing. 1.00

01:51:25.000 Oh, really? 1.00

01:51:25.000 You're not a skier? 1.00

01:51:26.000 I landed pretty hard last time I went.

01:51:28.000 Yeah.

01:51:29.000 A couple months ago.

01:51:30.000 Not even.

01:51:31.000 I guess a month ago.

01:51:32.000 A month ago, I wiped.

01:51:34.000 Boom! 0.99

01:51:35.000 And that was it?

01:51:36.000 You just said, I'm done? 0.99

01:51:36.000 I was just like, this is so ridiculous. 0.99

01:51:38.000 Yeah. 0.90

01:51:39.000 Well, I do things that are more fun.

01:51:40.000 Yeah.

01:51:41.000 You know, I do a lot of things that are really fun.

01:51:42.000 So skiing is like, don't get hurt, don't get hurt, don't get hurt.

01:51:45.000 Yeah, no, that's true.

01:51:46.000 Whoops, here we go.

01:51:46.000 Boom!

01:51:47.000 That's true.

01:51:48.000 It's almost like the entire adventure is based on not breaking something.

01:51:52.000 It's like the tension between...

01:51:55.000 Yeah, the scenery's nice and all that, but really you're thinking, don't get hurt.

01:51:58.000 Yeah.

01:51:58.000 I mean, I get it.

01:51:59.000 I get it.

01:52:00.000 And it's a fun time for me to be with my family.

01:52:02.000 Yeah.

01:52:02.000 It's fun.

01:52:03.000 It's fun.

01:52:03.000 The kids love skiing.

01:52:04.000 It's a good time.

01:52:05.000 I don't mind doing it, but...

01:52:07.000 You just gotta slow down.

01:52:08.000 Were you going fast?

01:52:09.000 I wasn't even going that fast.

01:52:11.000 I go a little bit faster than I should, probably.

01:52:12.000 Would you catch an edge?

01:52:13.000 I don't know what happened.

01:52:15.000 I don't remember what happened.

01:52:17.000 Yeah.

01:52:17.000 But I remember as I was falling, going, uh-oh, this one might be a bad one.

01:52:22.000 Yeah.

01:52:23.000 I'm good at rolling, though.

01:52:24.000 Yeah.

01:52:24.000 I'm good at, like, I know how to not fall too bad, so I was fine, but I was like, ooh, that was a hard hit.

01:52:31.000 Yeah.

01:52:31.000 I walked out of it, no problem, put my ski back on, skied down the mountain.

01:52:35.000 Yeah.

01:52:35.000 I was fine.

01:52:36.000 But I was like, people get fucked up doing this sometimes. 0.97

01:52:39.000 Oh, yeah, yeah. 0.97

01:52:40.000 I saw a guy get carried away, too.

01:52:41.000 Yeah.

01:52:42.000 Yeah, you're supposed to wear a helmet.

01:52:43.000 I wear a helmet.

01:52:44.000 Oh, you do?

01:52:44.000 Yes.

01:52:44.000 No shit.

01:52:45.000 Yeah, always. 0.99

01:52:46.000 Wow.

01:52:46.000 You don't?

01:52:47.000 No.

01:52:48.000 Really?

01:52:48.000 Maybe I will.

01:52:49.000 Wear a helmet, please.

01:52:50.000 Yeah, right. 0.97

01:52:50.000 My friend got knocked the fuck out last year snowboarding, and he was jacked for a while. 0.97

01:52:56.000 Wow. 0.99

01:52:57.000 Yeah, he just fucking whoopsied, landed completely on his head. 0.99

01:53:01.000 His feet went up in the air, and he just boom, head first, all head. 0.99

01:53:06.000 Back or front?

01:53:07.000 Somewhere.

01:53:07.000 He doesn't know.

01:53:08.000 He doesn't know.

01:53:09.000 He went out. 1.00

01:53:10.000 Shit. 1.00

01:53:11.000 Yeah, just thump. 1.00

01:53:12.000 Yeah.

01:53:13.000 And by the way, that thump could be thump snap.

01:53:16.000 Oh, guess what?

01:53:17.000 Now you're moving around with a straw.

01:53:19.000 You have a straw in your mouth.

01:53:22.000 And that's how you navigate through life.

01:53:25.000 Yeah.

01:53:25.000 All because you were into like a thrill.

01:53:28.000 Well, what about the skin and trees going between the trees where...

01:53:32.000 It's grooves.

01:53:33.000 You're going between trees and where your skis go are like deep grooves that your ski has to go directly into. 0.99

01:53:39.000 And if you catch an edge, you flip over like a fucking tree. 0.99

01:53:44.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:53:44.000 I mean, I get it. 1.00

01:53:45.000 I get that people like it.

01:53:47.000 But like my friend Aubrey is good friends with Bodie Miller. 1.00

01:53:50.000 He's that Olympic guy, ski guy, just mangled his fucking leg. 0.99

01:53:55.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:53:55.000 He just wiped out and crashed into something and just fucked his leg up. 1.00

01:53:59.000 They go 60 miles an hour. 0.99

01:54:00.000 Yeah.

01:54:01.000 Jesus Christ. 0.99

01:54:02.000 But I make even guys who are that good still wipe out and fuck themselves up. 0.99

01:54:06.000 Hell yeah. 0.99

01:54:08.000 It just seems like there's a lot of fun shit that I like to do. 0.97

01:54:11.000 That's one of the reasons why I didn't start skiing until late in life, because I did jiu-jitsu and all these other things that are dangerous for your body. 0.99

01:54:18.000 I'm like, I should probably limit the amount of dangerous shit. 0.98

01:54:21.000 That's why I wouldn't ride a motorcycle. 0.99

01:54:23.000 I'm like, I should probably back off of that.

01:54:25.000 Yeah.

01:54:25.000 I started playing ice hockey again a few weeks ago.

01:54:29.000 Comedians got a little league going.

01:54:31.000 Bill's supposed to be good, right?

01:54:32.000 Yeah, he plays in it.

01:54:33.000 And Steve Byrne and Ian Baggs.

01:54:36.000 It's great exercise.

01:54:37.000 You know what?

01:54:37.000 It's not dangerous because we don't hit each other.

01:54:39.000 And you don't really ever fuck up a knee or an ankle in hockey because it's ice.

01:54:43.000 You slide.

01:54:44.000 It doesn't stick and turn.

01:54:46.000 You just kind of slide.

01:54:47.000 And so unless you trip and fall into a wall, you're pretty safe.

01:54:51.000 Well, Bobby Orr had mangled knees, man.

01:54:53.000 Did he?

01:54:54.000 Yeah.

01:54:55.000 Bobby Orr used to come to the gym that I worked at.

01:54:58.000 When I was a kid, I worked at the Boston Athletic Center, which is like a Boston Athletic Club, I guess it was.

01:55:03.000 And that was, um, I was, uh...

01:55:06.000 18, I guess?

01:55:07.000 18, 19?

01:55:08.000 Something like that?

01:55:08.000 And Bobby Orr was this legend, you know, this hockey legend.

01:55:12.000 He was older by then, you know, long retired. 0.99

01:55:15.000 But he would come into the gym and he couldn't even fucking walk. 0.96

01:55:19.000 And we would have to help him climb onto the VersaClimber. 0.98

01:55:23.000 You know the VersaClimber, that thing?

01:55:24.000 It's like a pole and you... 0.99

01:55:26.000 Go up and down, up and down.

01:55:28.000 You'd have to help him pick his legs up because his knees don't bend. 1.00

01:55:31.000 Oh, shit. 0.99

01:55:32.000 They don't completely lock out and they don't completely bend. 1.00

01:55:35.000 It's like this.

01:55:36.000 It's like the one thing he can do in the gym?

01:55:38.000 Yeah, he goes like from this.

01:55:41.000 From completely straight, he's like five degrees bent.

01:55:45.000 He's always bent.

01:55:46.000 And then it only goes to like maybe 15 degrees.

01:55:49.000 Wow.

01:55:50.000 Yeah, it's like this tiny amount of bend that he has in his legs.

01:55:53.000 Because he's had just massive surgeries all through his knees.

01:55:56.000 Wow.

01:55:57.000 You watch him walk, there's his knee. 1.00

01:56:00.000 Damn! 1.00

01:56:01.000 And look at all the cuts on his knees. 0.99

01:56:04.000 And by the way, that's back in the olden days.

01:56:08.000 And look at the different operations.

01:56:10.000 73, 72, 71. Right.

01:56:12.000 Ugh, 69, 1970. Oh my god.

01:56:15.000 Yeah, you know how bad the equipment was back then?

01:56:17.000 The skates were like saws.

01:56:20.000 The skates were bad, and the surgeries were terrible.

01:56:23.000 They didn't know how to fix you.

01:56:25.000 They would fix you, and you'd just go up above that, and you could see his knee.

01:56:30.000 Look at that. 1.00

01:56:31.000 Yeah, look at that fucking thing. 1.00

01:56:34.000 Jesus Christ. 1.00

01:56:35.000 Damn, that is brutal. 1.00

01:56:36.000 It was awful. 1.00

01:56:38.000 Oh, is it someone else's knee?

01:56:39.000 Oh.

01:56:42.000 Just watching him walk, and he would play racquetball.

01:56:44.000 And I'd watch him play racquetball, and he would just fall down.

01:56:47.000 He would just try to move forward, and he'd just fall.

01:56:51.000 Just couldn't move.

01:56:52.000 Yeah.

01:56:52.000 I mean, he was basically left with pegs that barely bent.

01:56:57.000 Yeah.

01:56:57.000 And that's how he got around.

01:56:59.000 It's like, left, right peg.

01:57:00.000 Right peg, left peg.

01:57:01.000 Yeah.

01:57:02.000 A lot of hockey players, though, they play golf.

01:57:04.000 You know, they retire and they play a lot of golf.

01:57:06.000 That's like the big sports in Canada are golf and hockey.

01:57:11.000 It's the same swing.

01:57:13.000 Slap shot and a golf swing are pretty similar.

01:57:15.000 Oh, that's Happy Madison, right?

01:57:16.000 Right.

01:57:16.000 That's why...

01:57:17.000 That's right.

01:57:18.000 See?

01:57:19.000 There's real science behind it.

01:57:23.000 But no, I think that football players are the worst. 0.99

01:57:26.000 Those guys, you see any football player after they finish playing and they're fucking stumbling around. 0.99

01:57:32.000 Mangled. 0.99

01:57:32.000 Yeah, they're mangled. 0.99

01:57:34.000 Some of them not.

01:57:35.000 You know, it's interesting.

01:57:36.000 Some of them are really lucid.

01:57:37.000 They get through it.

01:57:37.000 Like Michael Irvin.

01:57:39.000 Michael Irvin is super lucid.

01:57:41.000 He's got no problems.

01:57:42.000 I mean, maybe he's, you know, banged up a little bit.

01:57:44.000 But he can walk around?

01:57:45.000 Oh, yeah.

01:57:45.000 Yeah, he's fine.

01:57:46.000 He looks great.

01:57:47.000 He looks great.

01:57:47.000 Talks great.

01:57:48.000 Yeah.

01:57:48.000 He's an interesting guy, man.

01:57:50.000 Very fucking smart dude. 0.95

01:57:51.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:57:52.000 Very smart guy.

01:57:53.000 Big UFC fan.

01:57:54.000 I talk to him all the time.

01:57:55.000 I see him at the matches. 1.00

01:57:56.000 Oh, no shit. 0.99

01:57:57.000 Fantastic guy. 1.00

01:57:58.000 Wow.

01:57:58.000 Does he do sportscasting?

01:58:01.000 I'm sure he does.

01:58:02.000 I think he does.

01:58:02.000 He must.

01:58:03.000 Does he?

01:58:04.000 Yeah.

01:58:04.000 Jamie's nose.

01:58:05.000 On Sunday morning stuff.

01:58:06.000 Yeah.

01:58:07.000 With that, uh, with the guy, uh, Michael Strahan.

01:58:11.000 The guy from that show?

01:58:13.000 Yeah.

01:58:14.000 He's so annoying.

01:58:15.000 Why is he annoying?

01:58:16.000 Yeah.

01:58:17.000 He's just trying so hard to be likable.

01:58:19.000 I just don't buy it.

01:58:20.000 It just feels hollow.

01:58:22.000 And meanwhile, I love that Kelly Lee. 0.99

01:58:23.000 I could watch her all fucking day. 0.99

01:58:25.000 That's why. 1.00

01:58:26.000 You don't like him.

01:58:27.000 Maybe. 1.00

01:58:27.000 Because you think he's sending the dick her way. 1.00

01:58:29.000 I don't like the black-white relationships in general. 1.00

01:58:32.000 Disturb you?

01:58:32.000 They just feel wrong.

01:58:34.000 I mean, I was born in 66 when things were normal.

01:58:37.000 When things were right back in the olden days before the colors mixed.

01:58:43.000 When a man could get water from a drinking fountain and not worry about it. 0.99

01:58:46.000 Do you think he's giving her the dick? 1.00

01:58:48.000 I don't, but I... And it's not sexual with her. 1.00

01:58:51.000 It is sexual. 1.00

01:58:52.000 But it's also, I think that she is really fucking... 1.00

01:58:56.000 You don't think they look great together? 0.99

01:58:56.000 No, I don't. 0.99

01:58:57.000 Look at that fake smile. 0.86

01:58:59.000 Are you being serious?

01:58:59.000 I really don't like him.

01:59:02.000 You know?

01:59:02.000 Do you really have a problem with black-white relationships?

01:59:05.000 Not really, right?

01:59:05.000 No.

01:59:06.000 No, but I have a problem with his phoniness and just that she deserves better.

01:59:11.000 Ha ha! 0.86

01:59:12.000 She deserves Regis.

01:59:14.000 Regis was the best.

01:59:16.000 Regis and her.

01:59:17.000 That's part of my problem, is Regis withdrawal. 0.99

01:59:19.000 Well, Regis is doing other shit now. 0.98

01:59:21.000 Like, he didn't stop working. 0.98

01:59:22.000 It's weird.

01:59:22.000 He had the life, though, man.

01:59:24.000 You know what he used to do to prep for that show?

01:59:25.000 What? 0.98

01:59:26.000 Get picked up by a limo, get handed the paper, read it on the way to the studio, and fucking go on the air. 0.99

01:59:31.000 That's all he did. 0.99

01:59:32.000 Just off the top of his head.

01:59:34.000 Well, he was so relaxed.

01:59:35.000 Yeah.

01:59:36.000 Comfortable.

01:59:36.000 Yeah.

01:59:37.000 I wonder why he stopped doing it.

01:59:39.000 Maybe the grind of doing it every week.

01:59:42.000 He did it for a lot of years.

01:59:43.000 Yeah.

01:59:44.000 But he still has a show.

01:59:45.000 He has a show.

01:59:46.000 Yeah, he still has some show that I saw.

01:59:49.000 And it was weird.

01:59:49.000 It was on, like, AXS TV or something.

01:59:51.000 Like, one of the smaller networks.

01:59:53.000 Yeah.

01:59:53.000 So I guess he's probably just doing that for fun.

01:59:55.000 Wow.

01:59:56.000 You know, just to stay active or something like that.

01:59:58.000 Like, Regis Philbin's show.

02:00:01.000 I'm sure he's got something.

02:00:02.000 Yeah.

02:00:03.000 I don't know what it is.

02:00:04.000 But he, um...

02:00:05.000 I think he decided.

02:00:07.000 I don't want to do it anymore.

02:00:08.000 Yeah.

02:00:08.000 I mean, I guess it's like Jay Leno when he walked away.

02:00:12.000 Yeah, but Jay's doing that car show.

02:00:14.000 No, that's what I mean.

02:00:15.000 And then he wanted to do a little something to stay busy.

02:00:17.000 Well, he did the car show while he was doing The Tonight Show.

02:00:19.000 Oh, did he?

02:00:20.000 Yeah, but the car show is so much more him.

02:00:23.000 He's so much better on it.

02:00:25.000 Yeah, yeah.

02:00:25.000 He's so passionate about it.

02:00:27.000 Well, he's a fucking legitimate car aficionado and nut. 1.00

02:00:32.000 He's a nut. 1.00

02:00:33.000 He fucking loves cars. 1.00

02:00:34.000 So when you're with him and you're talking to him about cars, his eyes light up. 0.99

02:00:39.000 He gets excited.

02:00:41.000 And he's fun.

02:00:42.000 I did a show.

02:00:43.000 Did you?

02:00:43.000 Yeah, we drove my 65 Corvette.

02:00:46.000 Oh, I saw it.

02:00:46.000 I saw it.

02:00:46.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

02:00:47.000 And he's, you know, he's great.

02:00:49.000 Yeah.

02:00:49.000 He's great.

02:00:49.000 I mean, the public knew him as only that.

02:00:53.000 And, you know, he'll admit it.

02:00:55.000 He's like, that was part of the problem with doing that show. 1.00

02:00:57.000 He's like, I had to talk to people, but I didn't give a fuck about your sitcom or your fucking stupid album that comes out. 1.00

02:01:04.000 He didn't care. 1.00

02:01:05.000 But if he's got you on his car show, it's because he's legitimately interested in your car.

02:01:10.000 That's it.

02:01:11.000 That's the only reason why he does it.

02:01:12.000 He's got all the money in the world. 0.99

02:01:14.000 He doesn't give a fuck. 0.99

02:01:15.000 He's only doing it for his own enjoyment. 1.00

02:01:19.000 Yeah, I can remember seeing Letterman with like a country music star on and you knew that he just wanted to say, what the fuck? 0.99

02:01:24.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:01:25.000 Especially like pop country.

02:01:26.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:01:27.000 Some whack dude with some designer fucking cowboy hat on and boots that he's never worn before and they're all shiny and fake. 0.99

02:01:36.000 And his face doesn't change. 0.99

02:01:37.000 Fake rips in his jeans.

02:01:39.000 Right.

02:01:39.000 When you see a country guy with fake rips in his jeans, oh, how dare you?

02:01:44.000 Yeah.

02:01:45.000 You're not a working man.

02:01:47.000 How'd you get those rips?

02:01:48.000 You bought them. 1.00

02:01:49.000 You bought those rips, you fuck. 1.00

02:01:50.000 Did your assistant go out and get ripped? 1.00

02:01:52.000 Or you get the hipsters that go out and they buy work boots used that already are like... 0.72

02:01:57.000 Somebody else has been stinking in them.

02:01:59.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:02:00.000 Yeah, you gotta wear your own work boots, you fuck. 1.00

02:02:02.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:02:02.000 Break them in. 1.00

02:02:03.000 Fuck yeah. 1.00

02:02:04.000 Live your life. 1.00

02:02:06.000 I got a pair of Timberlands I got about 15, 20 years ago.

02:02:10.000 Really?

02:02:10.000 Yeah, they feel nice.

02:02:11.000 Timberlands are the greatest.

02:02:13.000 They last.

02:02:13.000 They're so good.

02:02:14.000 They were big in the hip-hop community.

02:02:16.000 Oh, yeah.

02:02:17.000 What is that?

02:02:17.000 How'd that happen?

02:02:19.000 I don't know, but I know that when...

02:02:24.000 Was it Dom Perignon?

02:02:25.000 One of the brands that got kind of co-opted by hip-hop.

02:02:29.000 Was it Cristal?

02:02:29.000 Yeah, it was Cristal.

02:02:31.000 And they were very upset that hip-hop had taken over.

02:02:34.000 Because here they are, like this elite, you know, white collar kind of a... 0.99

02:02:39.000 Yeah, but they started complaining about it, and then the hip-hop community rejected them, and their fucking sales plummeted. 0.99

02:02:46.000 That's right. 0.99

02:02:46.000 They plummeted. 0.99

02:02:48.000 That's interesting, isn't it?

02:02:49.000 You gotta take that money where you get it.

02:02:51.000 Yeah, but you have a great champagne. 1.00

02:02:52.000 What do you give a fuck? 1.00

02:02:53.000 If rappers start buying Rolls Royces, you're gonna be upset? 1.00

02:02:56.000 Yeah.

02:02:56.000 You know?

02:02:56.000 Come on, bitch.

02:02:57.000 Even if they're spilling your champagne on the floor? 1.00

02:02:59.000 Sounds like racism to me.

02:03:01.000 As long as it's not spilling it with a white person. 0.70

02:03:04.000 Let them spill it with themselves.

02:03:09.000 It's weird how certain drinks get associated with certain races. 0.93

02:03:13.000 Like Crevasse is a black drink. 0.58

02:03:16.000 Black drink. 0.51

02:03:16.000 Right? 0.51

02:03:17.000 Alright, I'll name a drink, you tell me the race.

02:03:19.000 Okay.

02:03:21.000 Vodka.

02:03:21.000 Ripple.

02:03:22.000 Ripple.

02:03:23.000 Yeah. 0.89

02:03:23.000 That's black, right? 0.89

02:03:24.000 Yeah.

02:03:25.000 It's a wine.

02:03:26.000 Manischewitz.

02:03:26.000 You know how I know that?

02:03:27.000 This is how dated I am.

02:03:29.000 Sanford and Son.

02:03:29.000 I know what you're going to say.

02:03:29.000 Sanford and Son.

02:03:32.000 Because Red Fox used to drink Ripple Wine.

02:03:34.000 I don't even know what it looks like.

02:03:36.000 I've never seen it.

02:03:37.000 I just know.

02:03:39.000 Alright, Manischewitz.

02:03:42.000 Oh, juice.

02:03:44.000 Bailey's Irish Cream.

02:03:46.000 Irish people? 0.65

02:03:47.000 That was an easy one.

02:03:51.000 Budweiser. 0.67

02:03:52.000 White people with marital problems. 0.70

02:03:55.000 Were they caused by the Budweiser or just placated by the Budweiser?

02:03:59.000 All of the above.

02:04:01.000 It's in the mix.

02:04:06.000 Champagne.

02:04:09.000 Who buys champagne?

02:04:11.000 Other than like New Year's Eve.

02:04:13.000 New Year's Eve is kind of universal, right?

02:04:16.000 Everybody gets champagne. 0.99

02:04:18.000 And celebrating shit, like weddings. 1.00

02:04:22.000 Who the fuck buys champagne on a normal basis? 1.00

02:04:24.000 French people. 1.00

02:04:25.000 Really?

02:04:26.000 Yeah, French people drink it.

02:04:27.000 That makes sense.

02:04:28.000 Well, it is tasty.

02:04:29.000 Yeah.

02:04:31.000 But what about Americans? 1.00

02:04:33.000 White assholes. 1.00

02:04:34.000 What, do they drink? 1.00

02:04:35.000 No, if you're a white asshole, you drink champagne, you know? 1.00

02:04:38.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:04:39.000 Yeah, I was thinking of one person.

02:04:40.000 I won't say their name.

02:04:41.000 Okay, say it later.

02:04:42.000 I'll say it later.

02:04:44.000 Although, you know, when I used to work as a banquet waiter at the Marriott in Boston, we used to do these banquets, and sometimes they'd come in and they'd order Dom Perignon.

02:04:55.000 And I'll tell you what, man...

02:04:58.000 It's the best high.

02:04:59.000 If bad champagne gives you a headache, it's nasty, it's sugary, which is usually sparkling wine, it's not champagne.

02:05:06.000 To call it champagne, it has to be from this certain region of France.

02:05:10.000 It's the only place you can get it to put champagne on the label.

02:05:14.000 Oh, that's right.

02:05:15.000 And Dom Perignon is the best. 1.00

02:05:16.000 And I'm telling you, man, that shit, it makes you feel so good. 1.00

02:05:20.000 It tastes so good. 1.00

02:05:21.000 No hangover.

02:05:22.000 Really?

02:05:23.000 No hangover?

02:05:24.000 No hangover.

02:05:24.000 How's that possible?

02:05:25.000 Not like Champagne Hangover, which is the worst hangover you can get.

02:05:29.000 Is there really a difference in hangovers?

02:05:31.000 Oh, yeah.

02:05:31.000 What's the difference?

02:05:32.000 Sugar.

02:05:33.000 Sugar content.

02:05:34.000 Oh, sugar content.

02:05:35.000 Hangovers are all about sugar. 1.00

02:05:37.000 Fucking sugar. 0.99

02:05:38.000 Right. 0.99

02:05:39.000 Well, as it explained to me by Carl Hart, Dr. Carl Hart, who was an addiction specialist, he said what hangovers really are is your body got temporarily addicted to the alcohol.

02:05:50.000 The feeling that you have, the headache and all that, a lot of it is dehydration, but a lot of it is also the compensatory mechanisms that your body puts in place to process the alcohol.

02:05:59.000 Your body literally shifts its... 0.56

02:06:02.000 It's sort of scheduling, shifts its organizing of chemicals and all the shit that's in your brain.

02:06:09.000 And then once the alcohol is not there anymore, it's not processing alcohol anymore. 0.55

02:06:13.000 And then you have this like, and that's the compensatory mechanisms flooding their way through your system.

02:06:20.000 That's also why people say, hair of the dog that bit you.

02:06:23.000 Like when you have a hangover and you have like a Bloody Mary in the morning, it helps you a little bit.

02:06:28.000 It soothes you over that hump.

02:06:30.000 Well, because it's poisonous.

02:06:32.000 Alcohol is poisonous to your system.

02:06:33.000 Yes, yes.

02:06:34.000 So it's counterintuitive that more alcohol would help you feel better.

02:06:38.000 Yeah.

02:06:39.000 But the way Carl Hart explains it is that it's your body. 1.00

02:06:41.000 Your body recognizes, okay, there's this shit I have to process. 0.99

02:06:45.000 Let's deal with that. 1.00

02:06:46.000 So it compensates for that shit, and then that shit's not there anymore. 1.00

02:06:49.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:06:50.000 And it's like, what's going on?

02:06:51.000 What are we doing?

02:06:52.000 We set up to deal with alcohol.

02:06:54.000 Now we don't have to deal with it anymore.

02:06:55.000 I had him on a couple times, and he's a fascinating, fascinating guy.

02:07:00.000 Very, very smart guy and knows so much about addictions and about various drugs and the reactions to the body and all the myths that people have.

02:07:11.000 It's amazing how many myths that people have about how hard things are to kick and what is instantly addictive.

02:07:18.000 Yeah.

02:07:18.000 So what does he say?

02:07:20.000 Because I hear cigarettes are the most addictive.

02:07:23.000 Not cigarettes.

02:07:25.000 Yeah, is it cigarettes are more addictive than heroin?

02:07:27.000 Yeah.

02:07:27.000 The cigarettes are super, super addictive.

02:07:29.000 Yeah.

02:07:29.000 Super addictive.

02:07:30.000 Did you ever see that movie with Russell Crowe, Inside Man?

02:07:35.000 Yes.

02:07:36.000 About the cigarette industry, about a scientist that's working with the cigarettes to try to make them more addictive, and then he goes out with it, which is apparently a real story.

02:07:46.000 Oh yeah, they were sued and they lost about it.

02:07:48.000 Yeah, that's what it is.

02:07:50.000 I mean, they've engineered them to be addictive.

02:07:52.000 Right.

02:07:53.000 But pot, though, is not, they say, not physically addictive at all.

02:07:57.000 No, not physically addictive.

02:07:58.000 But it can be emotionally addictive.

02:08:00.000 Anything can.

02:08:01.000 A girl can be emotionally addictive. 1.00

02:08:03.000 Should we outlaw girls? 1.00

02:08:06.000 Jerking off can be emotionally and psychologically addictive. 0.99

02:08:10.000 A lot of things can be psychological.

02:08:11.000 Foods can be psychologically and physically addictive.

02:08:14.000 Work.

02:08:15.000 But one thing that they say about pot is, in rare individuals, it can be physically addictive.

02:08:21.000 But...

02:08:22.000 How much so?

02:08:23.000 Is it as physically addictive as sugar?

02:08:25.000 Because sugar is one of the most addictive things that we consume.

02:08:29.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:08:29.000 You know, I took just a few days off of sugar and I had fucking pounding headaches. 0.99

02:08:33.000 Really? 0.97

02:08:34.000 Yeah, I was like, whoa!

02:08:35.000 Yeah, I'm completely sugar-free now.

02:08:38.000 I don't eat anything with added sugar.

02:08:40.000 I don't eat any, no processed sugar, no nothing on this wacky diet that I'm on.

02:08:44.000 But one of the things that I found within the first few days was this overwhelming desire to eat it.

02:08:51.000 I wanted candy.

02:08:53.000 I wanted soda.

02:08:54.000 I wanted something.

02:08:55.000 Within the first couple days, my body was...

02:08:57.000 I'd get headaches.

02:08:58.000 And I would think about...

02:08:59.000 I could see a bag of those chili mangoes that I have back there that are covered in sugar.

02:09:04.000 Insane amounts of sugar.

02:09:05.000 And I just want them.

02:09:06.000 Yeah.

02:09:07.000 And it's a sugar craving.

02:09:08.000 Did you eat a ton of sugar before you quit?

02:09:11.000 Not a ton, but more than I should have.

02:09:13.000 And it was all in the guise of healthy things.

02:09:17.000 Like, for instance, I was working out with my trainer today, and he had...

02:09:23.000 One of those protein bars, and he goes, I said, hey, you forgot your candy bar.

02:09:29.000 He goes, it's a protein bar.

02:09:30.000 I go, it's a protein bar.

02:09:32.000 I go, how much sugar is in that thing?

02:09:33.000 He goes, not that much.

02:09:34.000 I go, how much do you think?

02:09:35.000 He goes, nine grams.

02:09:37.000 I go, nine grams?

02:09:38.000 I go, I bet it's about 19 grams.

02:09:40.000 He's like, no, no, no, no, no.

02:09:41.000 And he looked at it.

02:09:42.000 He goes, 10 grams.

02:09:43.000 And I go, really?

02:09:45.000 I go, how many servings?

02:09:46.000 And he goes, oh, yeah.

02:09:48.000 Two. 1.00

02:09:48.000 Oh, no shit. 1.00

02:09:49.000 I go, those motherfuckers! 1.00

02:09:50.000 I'm telling you, dude, it was this big. 1.00

02:09:53.000 And it wasn't a chocolatey one.

02:09:55.000 It was chocolate on the outside.

02:09:56.000 Oh, it was, yeah.

02:09:57.000 But it was four inches.

02:09:58.000 Yeah.

02:09:58.000 It was this tiny little thing.

02:10:00.000 And they were calling it two servants.

02:10:02.000 Yeah.

02:10:03.000 Oh, that's great. 1.00

02:10:03.000 Those fuckers. 1.00

02:10:04.000 Motherfucker. 1.00

02:10:05.000 Those fuckers. 1.00

02:10:06.000 It's only 10 grams of sugar. 1.00

02:10:08.000 Yeah.

02:10:08.000 And then you look up and it's two servings.

02:10:10.000 Wow. 0.99

02:10:11.000 Oh, the cunts. 1.00

02:10:12.000 Yeah, my kids eat granola. 0.99

02:10:13.000 My wife buys granola bars for the kids and they've got chocolate in them.

02:10:16.000 I'm like, honey, these are candy bars.

02:10:18.000 Yes. 0.98

02:10:19.000 Granola bar is like, you know, Nature Valley, oat, you know, it's got a lot of sugar in it, but there's no fucking chocolate at least. 0.98

02:10:25.000 Right. 0.97

02:10:28.000 Yeah.

02:10:49.000 I just did a corporate event in Fargo, North Dakota, for the beet sugar farmers of America.

02:10:55.000 And it was all these farmers, mostly like family-owned little farms around Minnesota and North Dakota. 0.99

02:11:00.000 And they came in, and I walked on stage, and I go, fuck corn syrup! 0.99

02:11:06.000 And the place went... 1.00

02:11:12.000 Yeah, corn syrup just goes right to your ass. 1.00

02:11:15.000 And it's all because they were over-farming corn. 1.00

02:11:18.000 It's cheap to make and it's easy.

02:11:20.000 And the government was helping pay for it.

02:11:21.000 And they went, well, we're not going to stop.

02:11:23.000 What do we do with it? 0.99

02:11:24.000 Well, we'll make fucking sugar out of it. 0.99

02:11:26.000 Did you see king corn? 1.00

02:11:26.000 No. 1.00

02:11:29.000 Great documentary.

02:11:30.000 Oh, yeah?

02:11:30.000 Oh, yeah.

02:11:31.000 Amazing.

02:11:31.000 It starts off with these guys.

02:11:32.000 They have this project.

02:11:33.000 They're going to grow corn.

02:11:34.000 They're going to get an acre of land and plow it themselves and grow corn. 0.56

02:11:37.000 And they start doing all these tests and find out that their body is like some insane amount of the carbon fibers in their body come from corn. 0.99

02:11:47.000 And they're like, what the fuck? 0.97

02:11:48.000 So they get their blood work done, all this stuff, and they find this out. 0.99

02:11:52.000 And then they start going and examining all the different food.

02:11:54.000 It's in the grocery store and how much of it contains corn, Corn proteins, corn syrup, corn byproducts.

02:12:00.000 And then they go deep, deep down into the rabbit hole.

02:12:03.000 The subsidized corn industry and how it all happened, how it all got started. 0.99

02:12:07.000 And you leave at the end of that movie like, what in the fuck? 0.97

02:12:11.000 We've been co-opted in so many different ways in this country by special interest groups and by people that have figured out how to generate and extract massive amounts of money from particular sectors. 0.98

02:12:21.000 That are not good for us.

02:12:23.000 This part of agriculture, corn.

02:12:26.000 Ethanol.

02:12:26.000 Yeah.

02:12:27.000 Try to figure out how to put it in your gas tank.

02:12:29.000 Exactly.

02:12:29.000 Let's do that.

02:12:30.000 You fucks. 1.00

02:12:31.000 Not good for your engine. 1.00

02:12:33.000 Ethanol's not good for your engine?

02:12:34.000 Ethanol's not good for your engine.

02:12:35.000 But alcohol is.

02:12:36.000 Like if they could figure out how to do alcohol engines.

02:12:38.000 Right.

02:12:38.000 Like that Rockefeller thing.

02:12:40.000 Yeah.

02:12:40.000 What's wrong with ethanol?

02:12:41.000 What does it do to your engine?

02:12:42.000 I heard it causes some kind of backup over time.

02:12:44.000 It's not good. 1.00

02:12:44.000 That might be some jack bullshit that the fucking oil industry tried to sell you. 1.00

02:12:48.000 Yeah, right, right. 1.00

02:12:48.000 You never know, right? 1.00

02:12:49.000 Do you know John D. Rockefeller's great-grandson now is heavily into developing 3D printer meat steaks that come out of a 3D printer?

02:13:00.000 Whoa.

02:13:01.000 And it'll be using all, like, soy-type ingredients.

02:13:04.000 It'd be all, like, you know, in the printer.

02:13:06.000 It doesn't rot.

02:13:07.000 Like, dry ingredients.

02:13:09.000 And you will be able to—they can do it now.

02:13:11.000 They can make steak chips— Through a 3D printer that are edible.

02:13:15.000 Jesus Christ.

02:13:16.000 And they say it's just a matter of time until they can make actual steaks.

02:13:20.000 Jesus.

02:13:21.000 I wonder how good that is for you.

02:13:23.000 Well, it'd be probably better than some kinds of meats, but...

02:13:29.000 But they say it's good for third world countries because they'll be able to, first of all, you won't have to have all that methane from all the downsides of having cattle.

02:13:36.000 Right. 0.97

02:13:36.000 You can get rid of that and then also you can set these things up in third world country and feed people, fucking poor people, imagine them for steak, what you get them to do. 0.97

02:13:46.000 They churn out iPhones like a motherfucker. 1.00

02:13:48.000 Hungry? 1.00

02:13:49.000 Order steak from the lab.

02:13:51.000 Rockefeller Air investing firm taking...

02:13:54.000 Wait, scroll down.

02:13:54.000 There's a picture of a steak coming out of a printer.

02:13:56.000 It's hilarious.

02:13:58.000 No, there's not.

02:13:59.000 Wrong article.

02:14:01.000 These guys, do they just, the Rockefeller Airs, do they just get cash?

02:14:06.000 How does that work?

02:14:08.000 Do they just get money and they just start their own startup?

02:14:10.000 What do you think that feels like? 0.99

02:14:12.000 If you grow up like stupid rich, where you never have to worry about the future, and you're like, uh, maybe I'll make a startup. 0.99

02:14:20.000 That's what it should be. 1.00

02:14:21.000 That's the correct use of that money.

02:14:23.000 I mean, if you're going to get rid of the death tax, or let's call it really what it is, the estate tax, at least these people like the Kennedys are doing stuff and the Rockefellers are doing stuff where they're saying, without economic pressure, let me explore and do something a little on the fringes that might work,

02:14:41.000 whether it's non-fossil energy or whatever.

02:14:45.000 So it's pretty cool.

02:14:48.000 Yeah, it's nice if you see someone who's given this unusual roll of the dice, some wonderful hand of cards.

02:14:55.000 Nice they use it in a totally egalitarian way in some beautiful way where they just decide to donate it or figure out a way to help or put money into something that's going to benefit people.

02:15:09.000 Right.

02:15:09.000 Start a foundation that's just, you know, trying to create peace, which sounds so erudite and unattainable, but to go like, no, I'm going to work on peace.

02:15:18.000 Just the concept of peace.

02:15:19.000 It's just rare.

02:15:21.000 Yeah.

02:15:21.000 It's rare that someone just...

02:15:24.000 Looks at it and says, well, hey, I have this opportunity to do something really beneficial for the human race.

02:15:30.000 Let's take this $100 million that I was born with and put it to use.

02:15:36.000 Yeah, look at what Robert Kennedy's done for the environment.

02:15:38.000 I mean, he's responsible for getting all the PCBs out of the Hudson River and working on making safer nuclear power.

02:15:46.000 What do they do to get PCBs out of the river? 0.94

02:15:48.000 How the fuck do they clean the river?

02:15:50.000 They gotta dredge. 0.99

02:15:51.000 They gotta go in there and fucking clean it out. 0.98

02:15:54.000 Some people argue it's bad because it stirs it up. 0.97

02:15:57.000 What is in layers embedded in the bed of the river.

02:16:04.000 But they say, well, if a hurricane or tornado or whatever comes, it's going to bring it up in a much more destructive way.

02:16:10.000 So it's better to bring it up.

02:16:11.000 So they bring it up, and what are they doing when they bring it up?

02:16:14.000 They're cleaning it somehow?

02:16:15.000 I guess they, you know, filter it, dump it somewhere.

02:16:19.000 Huh.

02:16:20.000 But then he also just closed up.

02:16:23.000 There was the GM plant.

02:16:25.000 There was a bunch of plants on the Hudson River that were dumping raw sewage in, and he stopped all of those.

02:16:30.000 How crazy.

02:16:31.000 And now the Hudson River, you can swim in it.

02:16:32.000 What?

02:16:33.000 I grew up on the Hudson River.

02:16:34.000 We used to swim in it, and we were told not to.

02:16:36.000 We were fine.

02:16:37.000 But now they literally have little beaches set up on the Hudson River upstate.

02:16:40.000 What?

02:16:41.000 Yeah, even in the city. 0.99

02:16:42.000 You can take a fucking kayak out on the west side. 0.99

02:16:44.000 And you can swim in it? 1.00

02:16:45.000 You can swim in it.

02:16:46.000 That sounds weird. 1.00

02:16:47.000 Fuck yeah. 1.00

02:16:47.000 What if it gets in your mouth? 1.00

02:16:49.000 Then you die. 0.94

02:16:50.000 You gotta keep your mouth closed. 1.00

02:16:51.000 Keep your mouth closed, stupid. 1.00

02:16:54.000 You know they used to, bars used to pull lobsters out of the river? 1.00

02:16:57.000 That used to be bar food.

02:16:59.000 Yeah?

02:17:00.000 It was like, it was thought to be a poor man's meal.

02:17:03.000 Well, in Ireland it was, yeah.

02:17:04.000 Even in America.

02:17:05.000 Yeah.

02:17:05.000 In the early days of New York City, they used to just set out lobster traps and when someone would order a lobster, they would just go pull a trap out and grab one of the lobsters and cook it.

02:17:15.000 No shit. 0.99

02:17:16.000 And it was thought to be a poor food. 1.00

02:17:18.000 Poor people food.

02:17:18.000 During the famine in Ireland, they were exporting lobster.

02:17:21.000 What?

02:17:22.000 Because they wouldn't eat it.

02:17:23.000 They thought it was like a rat.

02:17:25.000 Oh my god.

02:17:26.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:17:26.000 Fucking stupid Irish. 1.00

02:17:28.000 Eating potatoes. 1.00

02:17:29.000 So stupid. 1.00

02:17:30.000 Eating fucking potatoes and sending lobster. 1.00

02:17:33.000 Well, we don't have any butter anyway. 1.00

02:17:36.000 Maybe that's what it is.

02:17:37.000 They didn't know about butter.

02:17:38.000 Yeah.

02:17:39.000 Once you know about butter and lobster, if someone puts...

02:17:41.000 Hold on, before you ship those out, just try this.

02:17:43.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:17:43.000 You fucking idiots. 1.00

02:17:44.000 Put this bib on. 1.00

02:17:45.000 You gotta have the bib.

02:17:46.000 I saw on Instagram this guy cooked a coyote.

02:17:49.000 He cooked a coyote and barbecued it, barbecued it, and had barbecue sauce and brought it to work, pulled coyote, and apparently he said it was delicious and people were loving it.

02:17:59.000 Yeah?

02:17:59.000 Yeah.

02:18:00.000 There's a lot of shit you can eat. 1.00

02:18:02.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:18:02.000 I mean, I wouldn't think to eat a coyote. 1.00

02:18:04.000 I saw an episode of Meat Eater, Steve Rinella and Remy Warren.

02:18:07.000 They shot a coyote and cooked it over an open fire and ate it.

02:18:10.000 Yeah.

02:18:11.000 Because they wanted to see what it tasted like. 0.98

02:18:13.000 There's some good shit if you go to this restaurant called Typhoon in Santa Monica, and they've got, you can eat scorpions and ants. 0.99

02:18:21.000 All shit that would die in a typhoon. 1.00

02:18:23.000 Right. 1.00

02:18:24.000 Shit that you might find on the side of the beach. 1.00

02:18:26.000 Yeah, if you want to play out the post-apocalypse, come to Typhoon. 1.00

02:18:30.000 Tuesday night special, jellyfish.

02:18:32.000 Wow, scorpions, huh?

02:18:34.000 Yeah, scorpions.

02:18:34.000 Did you try it?

02:18:35.000 Oh, fuck yeah. 1.00

02:18:36.000 It's great. 1.00

02:18:36.000 What does it taste like? 1.00

02:18:37.000 Just crunchy, you know, a little salty.

02:18:39.000 Nice.

02:18:40.000 Well, they must have added salt, right?

02:18:42.000 It's all good protein.

02:18:43.000 Yeah.

02:18:43.000 Well, they say that bug protein is really good for you.

02:18:46.000 Yeah.

02:18:47.000 And in a lot of ways, they think that that's going to be the future of protein for the world.

02:18:50.000 Like, they have bug bars and are made out of, like, grasshoppers and things along those lines.

02:18:54.000 And it's very healthy.

02:18:56.000 Full amino acid profile.

02:18:58.000 And a lot of people who are maybe vegetarian or vegan and have a real problem with eating animals do not have a problem with eating insects.

02:19:05.000 They're like, well, we have a bug.

02:19:07.000 I have a friend who's vegan. 1.00

02:19:09.000 He'll fucking slap the shit out of a mosquito on him and kill it and not even think. 1.00

02:19:13.000 Right, right. 1.00

02:19:14.000 Drop it onto the ground.

02:19:15.000 Like, look at the Singapore-style scorpions.

02:19:18.000 Is that the menu at that place?

02:19:21.000 That's Typhoon's menu.

02:19:22.000 Taiwanese crickets, stir-fried raw garlic, chili pepper, and Asian basil, $11.

02:19:27.000 That one's great.

02:19:28.000 It's great.

02:19:29.000 We should eat there one night with the wives. 1.00

02:19:30.000 I'm down.

02:19:31.000 Let's do it. 0.99

02:19:32.000 Actually, my wife would fucking slap me if I asked her to eat a bug. 1.00

02:19:35.000 Well, they got normal shit, too. 1.00

02:19:36.000 They also have a pretty good sushi bar. 0.99

02:19:39.000 But yeah, I'll eat anything.

02:19:40.000 I mean, I've been down in Florida.

02:19:42.000 I've eaten alligator.

02:19:43.000 Alligator is really good for you.

02:19:45.000 Alligator's good, yeah.

02:19:46.000 The protein, apparently, in alligator, it's supposed to be insanely high in protein and very, very low in cholesterol.

02:19:52.000 Yeah?

02:19:52.000 Yeah, it's one of the lower things.

02:19:54.000 It's like right up there.

02:19:55.000 Elk and moose are apparently the lowest in cholesterol.

02:19:59.000 They're lower than chicken.

02:20:00.000 Uh-huh.

02:20:00.000 Yeah.

02:20:01.000 Tough to cook them, though, because they have so little fat.

02:20:03.000 It's not hard.

02:20:04.000 You gotta really nail it.

02:20:05.000 It's not hard.

02:20:05.000 No?

02:20:06.000 Yeah, you just gotta learn.

02:20:07.000 It's just different.

02:20:07.000 It's different than...

02:20:08.000 I got some in the back.

02:20:09.000 You want some?

02:20:10.000 Want some alcohol?

02:20:10.000 I'll give it to you for tonight.

02:20:11.000 Fuck yeah! 1.00

02:20:11.000 Yeah, take it home. 1.00

02:20:12.000 All right. 0.98

02:20:14.000 It's better, way better for you, higher in protein, and there's zero bullshit in it. 0.96

02:20:19.000 Yeah. 0.95

02:20:19.000 No antibiotics, no hormones, no nothing, wild game. 0.95

02:20:23.000 And like I said, lower cholesterol than a chicken breast.

02:20:26.000 I was in South Africa and we ate at a game farm, a game park, but they have to thin out the herd of different animals.

02:20:34.000 And so there's a restaurant called Carnivore right in the park, and they come around with skewers and they ask you, do you want some giraffe?

02:20:44.000 And you go, sure, and they'll give you a couple cubes of giraffe.

02:20:47.000 It was like when you took me to that Brazilian restaurant in Vegas.

02:20:50.000 Churras, Korea. 0.99

02:20:51.000 Yeah, and they came over with the skewers and it was like that, but it was like elephant fucking, you know, different kinds of gazelles and shit. 0.99

02:20:59.000 Did you eat elephant? 0.99

02:21:01.000 I did eat elephant.

02:21:02.000 What does that taste like?

02:21:03.000 It was great.

02:21:03.000 It was a little gamey.

02:21:05.000 It had a little smell to it.

02:21:07.000 People right now are screaming.

02:21:08.000 Yeah.

02:21:09.000 Screaming. 1.00

02:21:09.000 You fucking piece of shit. 1.00

02:21:12.000 No, they needed to kill it. 1.00

02:21:12.000 These are all animals that were dying. 1.00

02:21:14.000 They never needed to kill elephants! 0.66

02:21:16.000 They should have saved them!

02:21:17.000 They should have saved Dumbo!

02:21:20.000 His family will always remember.

02:21:22.000 What about Yogi?

02:21:24.000 Don't eat the bear!

02:21:25.000 Don't eat Yogi Bear! 1.00

02:21:27.000 Watch Yogi eat his fucking child on the internet. 1.00

02:21:32.000 Jesus. 1.00

02:21:33.000 Bears, man. 0.59

02:21:34.000 Bears, people have a weird connection with bears.

02:21:37.000 Yeah.

02:21:37.000 They get real upset if you kill a bear.

02:21:39.000 Stuff bears, you know?

02:21:41.000 The most vicious animal out there.

02:21:43.000 Oh, we have teddy bears.

02:21:44.000 And that's the thing we take to bed.

02:21:45.000 Well, it's almost like we're trying to make them less dangerous.

02:21:49.000 Yeah.

02:21:50.000 We can make them cuddly.

02:21:51.000 Polar bears are perhaps the most vicious mammal on Earth. 1.00

02:21:55.000 They are fucking monsters. 1.00

02:21:57.000 This guy, Kevin Fitzgerald, he's a veterinarian. 1.00

02:21:59.000 Oh, yeah, I know Kevin.

02:21:59.000 You know Kevin?

02:22:00.000 Yeah, in Denver.

02:22:00.000 Yeah.

02:22:01.000 And he, we worked together once in Denver, and he said that polar bears, like when you have them as babies, right out of the womb, they're like, and they're trying to bite you. 0.99

02:22:10.000 Oh, no shit. 0.95

02:22:11.000 He goes, they're like the alien, you know, like the alien chestburster. 1.00

02:22:14.000 He goes, that's what they're like, right out of the womb. 0.99

02:22:16.000 And I was like, wow, that is nuts. 1.00

02:22:18.000 He goes, if they're hungry, they will try to fucking eat you. 1.00

02:22:20.000 And I'm like, oh my god. 1.00

02:22:22.000 Damn. 0.99

02:22:23.000 It's like people have this idea of them as being this like fluffy creature. 0.99

02:22:26.000 It's like most people live in cities and most people comment on animals and are animal rights activists and animal rights advocates.

02:22:34.000 These people that have these ideas about the beautiful nature that we live around.

02:22:38.000 Like they don't go out in it.

02:22:41.000 Yeah.

02:22:41.000 When you go out in it, it becomes a different thing.

02:22:44.000 Yeah.

02:22:44.000 And you realize like, wow, there's a strange like...

02:22:48.000 There's a constant conflict going on in this world.

02:22:50.000 I mean, there's very little harmony.

02:22:52.000 In fact, the harmony exists with beings eating beans.

02:22:56.000 That's when the harmony exists.

02:22:57.000 It's all things eating things and things looking out for things that are about to eat them.

02:23:01.000 I mean, there's a reason why deer perk up and they move their ears and their head side to side because something's coming.

02:23:07.000 Yeah.

02:23:07.000 Always.

02:23:08.000 There's always something coming and that's why they run so fast.

02:23:11.000 They're trying to get away from something eating them.

02:23:12.000 Yeah.

02:23:13.000 They're not chasing anything.

02:23:14.000 Yeah.

02:23:14.000 Deer run fast because they don't want to get eaten.

02:23:17.000 Which is fucked. 0.99

02:23:18.000 I saw a rattlesnake eat a squirrel. 1.00

02:23:21.000 Oh, shit. 1.00

02:23:22.000 In Yosemite last summer. 1.00

02:23:23.000 You saw it get the squirrel?

02:23:25.000 No, I saw him.

02:23:25.000 He already had the squirrel, but I saw him take the squirrel inside of him, and you saw it move a little bit down his body.

02:23:32.000 And everybody got close to him because they figured, well, he just ate.

02:23:35.000 Right.

02:23:36.000 So he was a little more lethargic.

02:23:38.000 Yeah, you can do that.

02:23:39.000 Yeah, he crawled off.

02:23:40.000 It was bad.

02:23:41.000 I'd never seen a rattlesnake before. 0.99

02:23:42.000 Never mind, I've fucking eaten a squirrel. 0.97

02:23:44.000 I was running the hills with my dogs, and I ran over what I thought was a log, like a stick, like a large stick, and as I was in the air over it, I realized it was a rattlesnake the size of my forearm. 1.00

02:23:56.000 No shit! 1.00

02:23:57.000 Yeah, and I was like, oh fuck. 1.00

02:24:00.000 And I had to keep my dogs back once I realized that it was a rattlesnake. 0.99

02:24:04.000 Because my dogs have been bitten several times.

02:24:07.000 By rattlesnakes?

02:24:08.000 Yeah.

02:24:09.000 My dog Frank, he got bitten twice.

02:24:12.000 And my dog Lucy, she got bitten once.

02:24:14.000 And their face swells up.

02:24:17.000 It's bad, man.

02:24:18.000 It's bad.

02:24:18.000 But they'll go and attack the rattlesnake, even though they know they'll get bit?

02:24:22.000 Well, they'll bark and they get near it and they bark, bark, bark, bark, and then the snake just bites them in the face.

02:24:27.000 Yeah.

02:24:27.000 Wow.

02:24:28.000 They don't know what it is.

02:24:29.000 They just know it's dangerous.

02:24:31.000 Yeah.

02:24:31.000 Like something in their doggy brain is like, this ain't cool.

02:24:34.000 What the fuck is this thing? 1.00

02:24:35.000 And they bark at it. 1.00

02:24:37.000 Whereas like, they don't bark at squirrels.

02:24:38.000 If they see a squirrel, they chase after it and try to kill it.

02:24:41.000 Yeah.

02:24:41.000 But if they see a rattlesnake, they get close.

02:24:45.000 And I don't know, I wasn't there when it actually went down.

02:24:48.000 I was there in the aftermath.

02:24:49.000 I saw the snake.

02:24:50.000 I pulled him away.

02:24:51.000 I looked at him.

02:24:52.000 I looked at his face.

02:24:52.000 And I'm like, what's going on?

02:24:53.000 I saw little holes.

02:24:54.000 I'm like, goddammit, he got bit. 1.00

02:24:56.000 Shit. 1.00

02:24:56.000 So I had to take him in. 1.00

02:24:57.000 One time I took him to the- Would he have died if you hadn't taken him in?

02:25:01.000 Uh, probably.

02:25:02.000 Probably eventually.

02:25:04.000 Yeah, it takes a while, but they swell up like crazy.

02:25:07.000 Like the side of their face becomes like cartoonish where they got stung.

02:25:11.000 Especially a young rattlesnake.

02:25:13.000 Young rattlesnakes are the most dangerous because they don't know any better.

02:25:15.000 They empty out all their venom in one shot.

02:25:17.000 The old rattlesnakes just give you a little taste. 1.00

02:25:19.000 It's like, take that motherfucker! 1.00

02:25:21.000 But they keep some for the cell just in case they have to bite you again or bite something else an hour later. 1.00

02:25:26.000 Um...

02:25:27.000 But one time, Frank got bit, and I looked at him, and I killed a rattlesnake.

02:25:35.000 And then I looked at him, and I go...

02:25:36.000 How'd you kill it?

02:25:38.000 I think I used a rake. 0.92

02:25:40.000 I forgot what I killed it with. 0.98

02:25:42.000 I just killed it.

02:25:45.000 But then I looked at Frank, and people were like, why would you do that? 0.91

02:25:49.000 Because it's in my yard!

02:25:51.000 Sorry!

02:25:51.000 See that fence?

02:25:52.000 You get inside that, you're dead. 1.00

02:25:55.000 If you can kill me, you're dead. 1.00

02:25:57.000 You fucked up. 1.00

02:25:58.000 I kill you in my house. 1.00

02:25:59.000 I kill you in my yard. 1.00

02:26:01.000 If you're in my yard, you'll come in my house. 1.00

02:26:03.000 You're dead. 1.00

02:26:04.000 Coyotes, dead. 1.00

02:26:05.000 If I'm practicing archery in my yard and I see a coyote, yes, I'm shooting that thing.

02:26:09.000 Joe Rogan once killed a bat in my apartment for me.

02:26:13.000 That's right.

02:26:14.000 I did that.

02:26:16.000 With a tennis racket.

02:26:17.000 That's right.

02:26:21.000 Without even thinking about it, then sat down and watched TV five seconds later.

02:26:25.000 I ran after that thing.

02:26:26.000 Yeah?

02:26:27.000 Yeah, it's disturbing to switch.

02:26:30.000 Wait, so then what happened with Frank?

02:26:31.000 Oh, anyway.

02:26:32.000 So I brought him to the vet, and the vet looks at him.

02:26:34.000 This is like after, like, the first time Frank and Lucy both got bit, and then this is like maybe a year later.

02:26:43.000 I wasn't sure if he got bit because I saw the rattlesnake and I saw him.

02:26:46.000 I killed the rattlesnake and then I'm like, come here, buddy.

02:26:48.000 Let me check your face out. 0.99

02:26:49.000 And I'm looking at him and I don't see any marks and I'm like, well, you seem all right, but fuck, I don't know. 0.99

02:26:54.000 Come on, let's go. 0.98

02:26:55.000 And I take him in the back of the truck and I take him down to the vet and the vet checks him out and he goes, I don't see any swelling.

02:27:02.000 Everything seems fine.

02:27:03.000 I'm like, all right.

02:27:04.000 And then I take him back home and his face starts swelling.

02:27:06.000 Like a delayed reaction.

02:27:08.000 I think maybe he got like a small dose.

02:27:10.000 Like it wasn't a lot, but He's like, it's hard to tell because his adrenaline is so fired up.

02:27:17.000 You know, his tongue was out.

02:27:19.000 And he was so excited to get in the car and go drive around.

02:27:24.000 He seemed normal.

02:27:25.000 But then an hour or so later, after I got him home, his face started swelling.

02:27:29.000 So I had to bring him back in.

02:27:30.000 You got to give him the antivenom. 0.99

02:27:31.000 It's fucking expensive. 0.99

02:27:33.000 It's thousands of dollars. 0.99

02:27:35.000 So if you're broke... 0.99

02:27:36.000 No shit. 0.99

02:27:37.000 It's no joke. 1.00

02:27:37.000 So if you're broke and your dog gets bit, it's a fucker, man. 1.00

02:27:41.000 You gotta suck it at yourself. 1.00

02:27:42.000 I can't. 1.00

02:27:43.000 That's a myth too.

02:27:44.000 The only way you can suck it out is if you get it right when it's happened.

02:27:47.000 Like if it bites you right there, you make a tourniquet, you gotta cut yourself too.

02:27:52.000 You can't be shy about it. 1.00

02:27:54.000 You gotta cut into where that area where that fucking snake is, squeeze it and suck it out. 1.00

02:27:59.000 And you're probably not gonna get it all. 1.00

02:28:01.000 You're gonna get some of it.

02:28:02.000 But have you ever seen what happens to a person when they get bit by a rattlesnake?

02:28:05.000 No.

02:28:06.000 Oh my god, we are so weak.

02:28:09.000 We're water bags.

02:28:11.000 We're just little bags of water.

02:28:13.000 We're just so weak.

02:28:14.000 Yeah, we're allergic to everything.

02:28:16.000 This guy put a website up that documents him getting bit by a rattlesnake, like after he got bit, him seeking treatment, the necropsy, what would you call it?

02:28:31.000 What is it called?

02:28:32.000 Necrosis?

02:28:33.000 Necrosis, yeah.

02:28:34.000 Necrosis when, you know, the skin's dying, the tissue's dying, all around the wound. 0.85

02:28:39.000 And he had to get skin transplants and all this crazy shit, and it took a long time.

02:28:44.000 And he documented the entire procedure. 0.96

02:28:47.000 This is one guy that got bit.

02:28:48.000 Whoa! 0.71

02:28:50.000 Wow. 1.00

02:28:51.000 No shit! 0.99

02:28:52.000 Texas country star Kevin Fowler post-gnarly rattlesnake picture. 0.99

02:28:58.000 And this guy has, his hand looks like, I mean, it looks like he has a globe in his hand.

02:29:05.000 Like his hand is swollen and black.

02:29:08.000 So far, so far swollen past normal size.

02:29:12.000 Wait, scroll down.

02:29:13.000 Look at that guy's forearm.

02:29:15.000 A little further.

02:29:17.000 Look at that.

02:29:18.000 That's the one.

02:29:19.000 Go to that website.

02:29:20.000 Visit page. 0.99

02:29:21.000 Holy shit. 0.95

02:29:21.000 This is the very website where it documents this guy. 0.95

02:29:27.000 That's actually one photo that's taken from the website.

02:29:30.000 But there's a website where it shows...

02:29:33.000 This is the absolute one. 0.99

02:29:34.000 Damn! 1.00

02:29:35.000 This guy got bitten and his skin all died. 1.00

02:29:37.000 His skin died and I believe it was a young kid too.

02:29:41.000 I don't think he was very old when this happened.

02:29:44.000 And they just put mesh over it.

02:29:45.000 Well, that mesh is so that his skin grows in place, and then they take the graft and they try to put it over that, but it's rough, man. 0.98

02:29:56.000 It's very, very fucking dangerous. 0.99

02:30:00.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:30:01.000 You gotta write rattlesnake.

02:30:02.000 You can't just write.

02:30:03.000 But anyway, no bueno.

02:30:07.000 I was on that same trip to South Africa.

02:30:10.000 My daughter was probably about three, and then we went down to the...

02:30:15.000 In Cape Town, there's the Cape of Good Hope.

02:30:19.000 Is that the little thing that sticks out there?

02:30:20.000 I don't know.

02:30:21.000 I haven't been.

02:30:22.000 And you can hike through this field and get to the, it is like the southwestern tip of Europe, of Africa. 0.99

02:30:29.000 And so we go down there and we get out of the car and there's all these baboons and they're fucking vicious and they're aggressive. 1.00

02:30:35.000 And the park ranger was like, yeah, you may want to keep her in your arms the whole time. 0.98

02:30:42.000 And I was like, why?

02:30:42.000 And they're like, well, if the snakes don't get her, the baboon's just going to grab her.

02:30:46.000 Jesus Christ. 1.00

02:30:47.000 Imagine that shit! 1.00

02:30:48.000 Imagine watching your daughter get taken by a fucking baboon. 1.00

02:30:51.000 And eaten. 1.00

02:30:52.000 Or taken by a fucking giant boa. 1.00

02:30:54.000 Chimps take them too. 1.00

02:30:56.000 Chimps take babies. 1.00

02:30:57.000 Yeah.

02:30:58.000 Fuck. 1.00

02:30:59.000 That would be close to... 1.00

02:31:01.000 Up there with your worst nightmare.

02:31:03.000 Top three worst nightmares.

02:31:05.000 Yeah.

02:31:05.000 Baboon taking your child as they scream.

02:31:07.000 Yeah, baboon might even be worse than a lion.

02:31:11.000 Yeah.

02:31:12.000 Both would be horrific, but there's something about a primate doing it.

02:31:15.000 Yeah.

02:31:17.000 Baboons are so weird. 1.00

02:31:18.000 It's like a monkey fucked a dog. 1.00

02:31:20.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:31:20.000 You know, it's some weird sort of half monkey, half dog face thing. 1.00

02:31:26.000 Just so aggressive.

02:31:28.000 So aggressive.

02:31:29.000 And their hands are just, long arms and strong hands come right at you. 1.00

02:31:33.000 Creepy fucks. 1.00

02:31:34.000 Yeah, shit. 1.00

02:31:36.000 You ever seen a documentary they did with, they tamed dogs, like baboons actually tamed dogs, and they taught these dogs how to be like watchdogs? 1.00

02:31:46.000 Yeah?

02:31:47.000 Yeah, they took these dogs in and fed them, and they had these tribes of baboons, and they had figured out- No, the baboons did it. 0.91

02:31:56.000 The baboons kept these dogs and fed them, and then the dogs stayed around them, and when anything would come near, the dogs would bark, and the baboons would come out. 0.99

02:32:04.000 No shit. 0.99

02:32:05.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:32:05.000 They're smart as fuck, dude. 1.00

02:32:07.000 Damn. 1.00

02:32:08.000 They're creepy, and their world is harsh, so their actions don't seem like intelligent actions. 1.00

02:32:13.000 They don't have community and...

02:32:15.000 You know, it's not like they have a language and rampant use of tools or anything like that, but they're very intelligent.

02:32:22.000 Yeah.

02:32:23.000 In some sort of a weird way.

02:32:24.000 They figure out problems.

02:32:26.000 And then we stick them in steel cages for life.

02:32:29.000 There was an article that I tweeted today, see if you can see that, that they believe that chimpanzees and monkeys have just started using stone tools over the last 4,000 years, and that chimps are entering the stone age.

02:32:44.000 They are evolving.

02:32:46.000 Chimps and monkeys have entered the Stone Age.

02:32:48.000 In the wild.

02:32:49.000 Yes, in the wild.

02:32:50.000 They're actually evolving.

02:32:52.000 And that this could eventually lead to chimps becoming something very different than what they are now.

02:32:59.000 That what we're seeing now, you know, a million years from now, chimps might not be chimps anymore.

02:33:03.000 They could become Neanderthals. 0.95

02:33:05.000 They could become us.

02:33:07.000 We've only been us for a couple hundred thousand years.

02:33:09.000 Yeah.

02:33:10.000 You know?

02:33:10.000 Yeah, I'm listening to this book right now on tape about, you know, like prehistoric man from like the first socialization.

02:33:20.000 Oh, what's it called?

02:33:21.000 Sapiens.

02:33:22.000 Who wrote that?

02:33:25.000 Who wrote Sapiens?

02:33:32.000 Yuval Noah Harari.

02:33:34.000 Whoa.

02:33:36.000 What a name, Yuval Harari.

02:33:38.000 A brief history of humankind.

02:33:39.000 Good stuff.

02:33:41.000 Yeah, it's talking about how, you know, Neanderthal man and...

02:33:49.000 What was the one?

02:33:49.000 And Homo Sapiens, which is what came after Neanderthal.

02:33:53.000 People think there was like a timeline, because when you look at timelines, it lists one, then there's a line segment, and then the next one starts. 0.62

02:33:59.000 But there was a time when they were both on the Earth at the same time, and they were fighting, and Neanderthal was fucking way bigger and more powerful. 0.95

02:34:07.000 Way stronger, and bigger brains. 0.98

02:34:09.000 And bigger, right, right.

02:34:10.000 Which is weird.

02:34:10.000 Yeah.

02:34:11.000 And they don't even know why.

02:34:12.000 They don't know if the brain was bigger to control the body, because they don't have one to study.

02:34:16.000 Yeah.

02:34:16.000 There's all this speculation of how smart they were.

02:34:18.000 Yeah.

02:34:19.000 And it was a battle, and the Sapiens won because they had techniques for hunting working as a group and surrounding the other ones, and they used tools. 0.73

02:34:27.000 I guess, I don't know if it was rocks or whatever it is that they used that the Neanderthals were not using. 0.97

02:34:33.000 I think it's they just divided them and fucked them all. 0.98

02:34:36.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:34:37.000 And then they became us.

02:34:39.000 Oh, did they?

02:34:39.000 I don't know.

02:34:40.000 That's my theory.

02:34:42.000 They were on top.

02:34:43.000 I wonder, man.

02:34:45.000 I mean, they know that there was some interbreeding.

02:34:48.000 Or at least they believe there's some interbreeding.

02:34:50.000 And they recently found a bone of an ancient Neanderthal that had human DNA in it. 1.00

02:34:58.000 And so they're like, well, what the fuck? 0.97

02:35:00.000 See if you can find that, because I think I tweeted that recently, too. 0.98

02:35:03.000 But just, I might not have tweeted it.

02:35:05.000 But human, you mean sapien?

02:35:06.000 Yes, homo sapien DNA. I mean, because I guess Neanderthal are human, a type of human, is that what they are?

02:35:13.000 Yeah, I guess there's homo erectus, homo whatever, and then homo sapien is what's considered modern man.

02:35:20.000 Yeah, they don't necessarily...

02:35:22.000 Here it is.

02:35:23.000 Humans made it with Neanderthals much earlier and more frequently than thought. 0.96

02:35:27.000 This is really recently.

02:35:28.000 This is February 17th.

02:35:30.000 Yeah.

02:35:31.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:35:32.000 People will fuck a sheep. 1.00

02:35:35.000 Will fuck anything. 1.00

02:35:37.000 I can't believe I never fucked an animal. 1.00

02:35:41.000 You know? 0.99

02:35:41.000 I was so horny when I was a teenager. 0.99

02:35:44.000 I think because we didn't have pets.

02:35:45.000 It's the only thing that stopped me. 0.99

02:35:46.000 If you had a dog, do you think you would have fucked it? 1.00

02:35:47.000 I would have fucked my dog, definitely. 1.00

02:35:49.000 Okay. 1.00

02:35:50.000 Depending on the kind of dog it was.

02:35:53.000 Well, also, we grew up without rampant access to pornography like these kids have today.

02:35:58.000 Yeah.

02:35:58.000 Like, if a kid today has an iPhone, you got all the porn in the world.

02:36:01.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:36:02.000 I mean, at your fingertips, bam, you can watch people fuck. 1.00

02:36:05.000 All I had was a sheepdog, some Vaseline. 1.00

02:36:07.000 It was hard back then.

02:36:09.000 Yeah, I can, uh, and you know the final nude episode, nude edition of Playboy's coming out.

02:36:15.000 Pam Anderson will be the last nude model in Playboy history.

02:36:18.000 Great.

02:36:19.000 No one wants to see naked anymore.

02:36:21.000 Perfect.

02:36:21.000 What a way to go out.

02:36:22.000 Go out with a fizzle.

02:36:23.000 Ease us out.

02:36:25.000 Does she look good?

02:36:26.000 Even if she doesn't look good, what you're looking at is not really that person anymore.

02:36:30.000 You're looking at Photoshop elements.

02:36:34.000 Well, you mean physically that she's not her own parts.

02:36:37.000 And then they'll Photoshop it on top of that.

02:36:39.000 Yeah, you're not looking at the real image.

02:36:42.000 You're looking at some distorted...

02:36:44.000 Have you ever seen what they do?

02:36:47.000 They've shown the real image versus what they do.

02:36:50.000 Here she is right there.

02:36:52.000 Ugh, she was a beauty in her day. 1.00

02:36:54.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:36:55.000 Time is a motherfucker, son. 0.99

02:36:56.000 I'm leaving this off of YouTube, too. 0.99

02:36:58.000 Please do.

02:36:59.000 Thank you. 0.61

02:37:00.000 That sex tape in her prime was so amazing. 0.97

02:37:04.000 She was hot. 1.00

02:37:04.000 She was so hot. 1.00

02:37:05.000 Wait, these aren't the most recent ones.

02:37:07.000 Allegedly.

02:37:07.000 Oh, really?

02:37:08.000 This was from December. 0.98

02:37:09.000 Yeah, see, it's all like weird black and white, but you know they like stretched out her ass and got rid of all the weird lines. 1.00

02:37:16.000 There's three guys hiding behind her pulling skin right there. 1.00

02:37:18.000 She got midgets. 1.00

02:37:20.000 Fucking high-powered fans blowing her sag up. 1.00

02:37:26.000 She's right next to the Star of Heft. 0.99

02:37:29.000 I don't know, man.

02:37:29.000 If she was smart, she would have made herself look at least a little bit old in these instead of she looks 19. Well, it's like everything's blurry and hazy.

02:37:39.000 It's like you're looking at her through the fog, like a spotlight in a foggy room.

02:37:43.000 Any shots of her feet?

02:37:48.000 Just the shoes.

02:37:49.000 Feet don't age.

02:37:50.000 Yes, they do.

02:37:51.000 Boy, do they.

02:37:53.000 Okay, come on.

02:37:53.000 She doesn't look that good.

02:37:54.000 Look at the hemorrhoids coming out of her ass. 1.00

02:37:55.000 But that is not what she looks like. 1.00

02:37:56.000 She just doesn't.

02:37:58.000 I mean, that's just not accurate. 1.00

02:38:00.000 That's so stupid. 1.00

02:38:01.000 Look at the belly. 1.00

02:38:02.000 She's had kids, right?

02:38:03.000 Yeah, she's had kids, but she's also 50. I mean, she's not a Cindy Crawford 50 either.

02:38:10.000 Cindy Crawford looks great.

02:38:12.000 I bowled next to her recently.

02:38:14.000 You were bowling?

02:38:15.000 Yeah, we did this thing. 0.68

02:38:16.000 We help out with these retarded kids. 1.00

02:38:21.000 I don't think you're supposed to say that. 0.91

02:38:22.000 Mentally, whatever.

02:38:23.000 Intellectually disabled children.

02:38:25.000 It's this group that me and my son work with.

02:38:28.000 And they do a bowling thing to raise money for them.

02:38:31.000 And you bowl with the mentally challenged kids. 0.94

02:38:34.000 And she's really active with it.

02:38:36.000 And she's out there with her kids.

02:38:38.000 Her daughter's a model now. 0.95

02:38:39.000 Her son's a model. 0.99

02:38:40.000 And she looked fucking great. 0.99

02:38:43.000 She's like 51. She looked 30. Yeah, amazing. 0.99

02:38:48.000 Once they hit a good 30, too.

02:38:50.000 Not like some 30s.

02:38:51.000 Right.

02:38:51.000 You know?

02:38:52.000 I knew a girl when she was 19, and then I saw her again when she was 27, and apparently she had a meth problem.

02:38:58.000 Oh.

02:38:58.000 And when I saw her when she was 27, she looked like she had been to hell and back, and she looked easily 50. Yeah.

02:39:06.000 And she wasn't even 30 yet.

02:39:07.000 And I was like, wow, like meth.

02:39:10.000 Something about stimulants, man.

02:39:12.000 That...

02:39:14.000 Redlining the system.

02:39:15.000 Boy, you pay for that.

02:39:17.000 Yeah.

02:39:17.000 You pay for that one.

02:39:18.000 Well, it dries you out.

02:39:20.000 She looked terrible.

02:39:21.000 Yeah.

02:39:22.000 Terrifying, too.

02:39:23.000 Her skin was hanging off of her bones.

02:39:25.000 Her muscle tissue had all gone away.

02:39:27.000 It had all atrophied.

02:39:29.000 It's like what the plumpness of youth had all been replaced by this dead air.

02:39:35.000 Yeah.

02:39:35.000 Her skin was looking for all the meat that used to be there to hold it in place.

02:39:39.000 It was just sagging.

02:39:40.000 Oh, my God.

02:39:41.000 And you know she chain smoked the whole time. 1.00

02:39:43.000 She was definitely chain smoking. 1.00

02:39:44.000 She was a smoker.

02:39:46.000 But it was sad.

02:39:48.000 And she was so apologetic about the way she looked.

02:39:51.000 It was really disturbing.

02:39:53.000 Yeah, I just saw this girl that I hadn't seen in a while, and she gave me a hug, and she goes, I'm sorry, I got really fat.

02:39:59.000 I'm like, you're apologizing to me?

02:40:02.000 It's like, that is so weird.

02:40:04.000 Might be the same person who did the same thing to me.

02:40:05.000 We'll talk about it off air.

02:40:07.000 Yeah.

02:40:07.000 No, I don't think so.

02:40:08.000 This girl was never on drugs. 0.70

02:40:09.000 She just put on weight.

02:40:09.000 No, no, a different girl.

02:40:10.000 Oh.

02:40:10.000 She just did that recently to me.

02:40:12.000 Oh, okay.

02:40:12.000 It was at the comedy store.

02:40:13.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

02:40:14.000 Really?

02:40:14.000 Yeah, we'll talk.

02:40:15.000 We'll talk about it.

02:40:16.000 We got to end this thing anyway. 0.99

02:40:17.000 I got to get the fuck out of here. 0.99

02:40:19.000 Tomorrow, Greg Fitzsimmons and I will be performing at the Improv in motherfucking Hollywood. 0.99

02:40:26.000 Are you still doing your show on Sirius or is it only a podcast now? 0.71

02:40:30.000 Still do the show Monday nights on Sirius.

02:40:32.000 It's the Greg Fitzsimmons Show on Howard 101. Then the podcast is Fitzdog Radio.

02:40:37.000 I just had Ari Shafir just came on. 0.99

02:40:40.000 Duncan Trussell just came on.

02:40:43.000 Judd Apatow just came on.

02:40:44.000 Those will all be up in the next week or so.

02:40:47.000 Excellent.

02:40:48.000 And then Denver, Colorado.

02:40:49.000 Can I plug that?

02:40:50.000 Comedy Works.

02:40:51.000 Comedy Works in Denver coming up on the 24th through the 26th.

02:40:56.000 And then I am in...

02:40:58.000 Sorry.

02:41:00.000 One of my all-time favorite clubs ever.

02:41:02.000 Sacramento Punchline, April 15th through 18th.

02:41:03.000 Another one of my all-time favorite clubs.

02:41:05.000 San Francisco Punchline, April 21th through 23th.

02:41:10.000 And then other dates, comics in Connecticut, all at Fitzdog.com. 0.99

02:41:13.000 The comics in Canada can suck my dick, but the other clubs are great. 0.99

02:41:17.000 Alright, ladies and gentlemen. 1.00

02:41:20.000 That's it for today! 1.00

02:41:21.000 See you soon, you fucks! 1.00

The Joe Rogan Experience - March 16, 2016

Joe Rogan Experience #775 - Greg Fitzsimmons

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Transcript