The Joe Rogan Experience - March 29, 2016


Joe Rogan Experience #779 - Andrew Dice Clay & Joey Diaz

Topics
cannabis popcorn gambling
Hosted by
Joe Rogan
Guests
Andrew Dice Clay Joey Diaz
Mentioned
Joey Eleanor Mike Black Eric Roberts Robin Williams Steve Simone Jack Klugman Andrew Dawson Bobby Kelly Crime Story Ari Shafir Bruce Dylan Cher Steve Renazzisi Michael Madsen Anthony Cumia Chris D'Elia Michael Mann Kevin Spacey and 69 more
Joe Rogan Experience #778 - Ari Shaffir Joe Rogan Experience #780 - Sturgill Simpson

Episode Stats


Length

1 hour and 1 minute

Words per minute

190.89

Word count

11,832

Sentence count

1,390

Harmful content

Misogyny

40

sentences flagged

Toxicity

363

sentences flagged

Hate speech

29

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

Joey and I talk about how much weed we like to smoke at night and why we don t smoke it at night. We also talk about the dangers of edibles and how dangerous it can be to eat them at night when you re stoned out. Joey talks about how he accidentally ate a whole bag of popcorn while stoned and what happened the next day when he woke up. Joe talks about why he doesn t like to eat edible's and why he thinks it s a good idea to stay away from them when he s stoned. Joey also talks about Colorado and how they re making more money in taxes on weed than alcohol and why you should try to get high in Colorado. We also discuss the benefits of edible packaging and how it makes you feel like you could bang on the stars and get a head start on your day to day life. If you like what you hear, please HIT SUBSCRIBE on Apple Podcasts and leave us a rating and review on iTunes. We re listening to your favorite streaming platform so we can keep bringing you quality cannabis content. Thank you for listening and supporting this podcast. Love ya. Peace, Blessings, Cheers, Joe and Joey - The Jerks. XOXO Music: "The Jerks" - "Mr. & Mrs. Pizzi" by The Jerky Boys (featuring: "Solo" by "The Cheers" by & "Pizzi) (feat. "The Donut Man" by Mr. & "The Pizz " by "Crispy " by " ( ) and "The Boy" is a song written and produced by "Alyssa ( ) is a tribute to "The Star" by Jeff Perla ( ) ( ) and by "Dyslexia ( ) . and ( ) & "The Girl" is a cover art by "Bennie ( ) - "The King" is out of "The Queen" ( ) by "Puff ( ) " . ( ) and "Alfredo ( & , " " ( " is an amazing song written by , " , and " " and "Peezy ( ) ( ), and "I'm Too Effing Goodbyes ( ) , " is a beautiful soul"

Transcript

Transcripts from "The Joe Rogan Experience" are sourced from the Knowledge Fight Interactive Search Tool. Explore them interactively here.
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Toxicity classifications generated with s-nlp/roberta_toxicity_classifier .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
Topics generated with Qwen2.5-3B-Instruct.
Hosts, guests, and mentioned names generated with spaCy (en_core_web_sm), reconciled against Wikidata.
00:00:00.000 Brownies are $180 for two brownies, so they're $90 a piece.
00:00:03.000 And you've got these are $125.
00:00:07.000 Because my kid loves edible.
00:00:09.000 We're live.
00:00:09.000 We're live.
00:00:10.000 We're live.
00:00:11.000 This is too much.
00:00:11.000 You want one of these?
00:00:13.000 No, no, this is the bag.
00:00:15.000 Explain what's going on in there, Joey.
00:00:17.000 This is Force One, right?
00:00:19.000 These are the stars of debt.
00:00:23.000 So these purple ones are 200 milligrams.
00:00:26.000 This is what, you know...
00:00:27.000 Air machine?
00:00:28.000 I take one of those, I'll sleep for three days.
00:00:30.000 You just popped it like it's a milk. 1.00
00:00:33.000 Sure, who the fuck do you think you're dealing with? 0.99
00:00:35.000 How many milligrams are in those? 0.99
00:00:37.000 200 in this one.
00:00:38.000 You just threw a 200 down the hatch?
00:00:40.000 I want some to go.
00:00:42.000 You got it to go.
00:00:43.000 Dice, I don't know if you know, but an effective dose is 20. And what is he popping?
00:00:49.000 Just pop to 200. An effective dose is 20. Oh, fuck yeah.
00:00:53.000 He'll drive well. 1.00
00:00:54.000 I can't smoke.
00:00:57.000 I could open up with three of these.
00:01:00.000 I could open up with 600 milligrams.
00:01:02.000 That's so insane! 1.00
00:01:04.000 And just ride out the fucking waves. 1.00
00:01:06.000 You have no idea how insane that is. 1.00
00:01:08.000 I go to bed at night like a baby.
00:01:10.000 I put that mask on. 1.00
00:01:11.000 I sleep like a fucking baby. 1.00
00:01:13.000 Sometimes I get paranoid in my sleep. 1.00
00:01:15.000 And I wake up at 3 in the morning with my heart pounding.
00:01:17.000 I wake my wife up.
00:01:19.000 Come to the living room and check on me.
00:01:22.000 I'll tell you why I stay away from the edible.
00:01:25.000 Because, like, I like to smoke at night, right?
00:01:27.000 Right.
00:01:28.000 All right, so I get high one night, and when I was at this one place, they gave me some edibles.
00:01:33.000 They gave me a bag of popcorn, okay?
00:01:35.000 So I'm all stoned out, and I just want something to eat, so I open up the popcorn, okay?
00:01:41.000 Okay.
00:01:42.000 Now, the next day, Valerie is... 1.00
00:01:45.000 She can't figure out why I'm not waking up.
00:01:47.000 I slept for 19 hours.
00:01:49.000 And she found the wrapper under the bed.
00:01:52.000 She was starting to panic.
00:01:54.000 Like, what happened to...
00:01:55.000 I slept till midnight the next day.
00:02:00.000 She goes, you ate this whole bag?
00:02:02.000 I said, I didn't know.
00:02:03.000 I was stoned out.
00:02:03.000 I just wanted something to eat.
00:02:05.000 It was popcorn.
00:02:06.000 I didn't think they really, like...
00:02:07.000 How did they even get it in the popcorn?
00:02:09.000 They make it with the butter.
00:02:11.000 They use cannabis butter, and they pop it in the butter, and then they might even sprinkle some butter on top of it, some cannabis butter on top of it. 1.00
00:02:19.000 They fuck you up. 0.99
00:02:19.000 They got fruit loops now. 0.99
00:02:21.000 Fruit loops.
00:02:22.000 They had a benefit, a pot benefit at the store, and they were handing out those bags, bags of that popcorn. 1.00
00:02:27.000 It was fucking death. 1.00
00:02:28.000 Death. 1.00
00:02:29.000 You open it up, it smells like pure weed.
00:02:31.000 I was so scared. 1.00
00:02:31.000 Pure fucking weed. 1.00
00:02:32.000 I felt so vulnerable. 1.00
00:02:35.000 Ooh.
00:02:35.000 I just love how open it is now.
00:02:37.000 That's crazy.
00:02:38.000 We could talk about it.
00:02:39.000 You're popping them like Tic Tacs.
00:02:41.000 But Dice is not everywhere else.
00:02:43.000 If you tried to do this in Texas, they'll have cops waiting for you outside.
00:02:47.000 Yeah, but I have no reason to be in Texas.
00:02:49.000 You don't do shows in Texas?
00:02:50.000 I don't believe in it.
00:02:54.000 No, I've gone to Texas.
00:02:55.000 But like, you know, in Vegas it's great.
00:02:58.000 Now they're opening up places.
00:03:00.000 Yeah, they've got five stores, right?
00:03:01.000 They should.
00:03:02.000 I haven't gone to any of them.
00:03:03.000 I normally bring my own stuff.
00:03:06.000 You know, if I go to New York, I'll bring my own stuff.
00:03:09.000 It's one of the easiest businesses.
00:03:11.000 And at the end of the day, businessmen want to be businessmen.
00:03:15.000 They want to make some money. 0.97
00:03:15.000 And they look at this thing and they go, hey, do you know how much fucking money they're making in Colorado? 0.97
00:03:20.000 They made more money in taxes in Colorado from weed than they did alcohol. 0.96
00:03:23.000 That's never happened anywhere. 1.00
00:03:25.000 That's fucking insane. 0.99
00:03:26.000 I'll definitely take weed over alcohol any day of the week. 0.99
00:03:29.000 Oh, 100%.
00:03:29.000 You know what I always say with weed?
00:03:32.000 As stoned as you are, let's say, God forbid, there's some kind of emergency.
00:03:36.000 You know what I mean? 0.99
00:03:37.000 You just throw water in your face.
00:03:38.000 It's gone.
00:03:39.000 It's not like alcohol, where you don't know what you're doing.
00:03:42.000 Right, right, right.
00:03:43.000 You know what I mean?
00:03:44.000 You could perform on the weed.
00:03:45.000 You could bang on the weed.
00:03:47.000 You could bang more on the weed.
00:03:49.000 It feels better.
00:03:50.000 Listen, you eat one of these stars.
00:03:51.000 You could keep banging on the weed.
00:03:53.000 You eat one of these stars, ain't no water gonna help you. 1.00
00:03:57.000 The fucking fire department's gonna come home. 1.00
00:03:59.000 You're eating like a pint of this stuff. 1.00
00:04:01.000 Yeah, he's talking about smoking pot.
00:04:04.000 It's affecting him already.
00:04:05.000 I'm watching.
00:04:06.000 I go home at night after doing comedy.
00:04:09.000 I'm so fired up. 1.00
00:04:10.000 The only thing that calms me down is one of these H-bombs and a fucking joint of death. 1.00
00:04:15.000 Like, I'll smoke three pipe loads. 1.00
00:04:18.000 It's hysterical.
00:04:19.000 Have you ever seen his Periscope show?
00:04:21.000 No.
00:04:21.000 It's the best thing on the internet.
00:04:22.000 I do it at 8.30 in the morning.
00:04:23.000 I just go out there and start giving advice and start smoking.
00:04:26.000 I got in trouble for doing it.
00:04:29.000 I was doing a periscope with wheels.
00:04:32.000 And I get a call from Bruce.
00:04:34.000 He's going, what are you guys doing?
00:04:36.000 Because we got all stoned out.
00:04:38.000 And now we're in the bathroom of my hotel room.
00:04:41.000 We turned it into a steam room.
00:04:44.000 And you can hardly see us. 0.99
00:04:46.000 You see my fogged up fucking glasses. 0.99
00:04:49.000 You know, and I get a call from him. 0.99
00:04:51.000 He's going, what are you guys doing out there?
00:04:54.000 I go, no, it's a new show I'm doing, the periscopical thing, you know.
00:04:59.000 And he goes, they're spending millions of dollars from Showtime to film this.
00:05:04.000 And you're doing it for nothing.
00:05:06.000 Get it off the air.
00:05:08.000 You know, right, Bruce?
00:05:09.000 I got a whole thing happening. 0.98
00:05:11.000 That's ridiculous advice.
00:05:12.000 Why would you take that off the air?
00:05:14.000 Because we were first going to film my series.
00:05:17.000 And they go, they're writing episodes about this.
00:05:20.000 You can't just periscope it.
00:05:22.000 I'm trying to build an image.
00:05:22.000 I'm trying to change his image.
00:05:24.000 He's killing it.
00:05:26.000 Who let the manager in here? 0.87
00:05:28.000 Jesus Christ.
00:05:29.000 You gotta understand, this guy's got a history you would love.
00:05:32.000 Okay.
00:05:32.000 You know, because number one, he built the whole career again.
00:05:36.000 But you can't tell someone to not do Periscope, or to not do Twitter, or don't have fun and do things online.
00:05:43.000 But I understood it.
00:05:44.000 When a network's putting up millions of dollars to first film a show about these things I do, you don't just put it up on the air.
00:05:52.000 It's only gonna help. 0.99
00:05:52.000 Fuck yeah, of course. 0.99
00:05:54.000 It's gonna get people excited about seeing you. 0.99
00:05:56.000 Well, the only bad part was, like, I had this fight with Wheels, like, where I attack him in the room, and Wheels is going, you know...
00:06:04.000 He goes, you know, I'm a wrestler, you know?
00:06:07.000 And I'm like, yeah, okay, you know, I'm not worried about it.
00:06:11.000 And I'm having Eleanor do the filming, where I come into the room and I jump him on his bed, and he actually got me.
00:06:19.000 He flipped me up like a professional wrestler. 0.72
00:06:21.000 He legitimately got me.
00:06:23.000 Do you know how angry that got me? 1.00
00:06:25.000 I look like an asshole. 1.00
00:06:27.000 Did he tap you out or did he just pin you? 1.00
00:06:28.000 No, no, he pinned me.
00:06:30.000 I was done. 1.00
00:06:31.000 Like, he really knows how to do that shit. 1.00
00:06:33.000 He's like a genius with certain things. 1.00
00:06:35.000 Like, I would understand if you could do it.
00:06:37.000 I get what you can do.
00:06:39.000 But I'm going, it's wheels.
00:06:40.000 There's no way.
00:06:41.000 He's on the bottom already.
00:06:42.000 I got him.
00:06:43.000 And he just flipped me.
00:06:46.000 Like a toy.
00:06:47.000 See, now, if you film that and put that on YouTube...
00:06:49.000 I put it on the periscopical thing.
00:06:53.000 Why would you ever take something like that down?
00:06:55.000 Because I got yelled at.
00:06:59.000 I know the way of thinking, but the more of you, the better.
00:07:03.000 It's just going to make people want to see you more. 1.00
00:07:05.000 It was funny fucking shit. 1.00
00:07:07.000 It was funny. 1.00
00:07:09.000 I remember when you were doing that filming at the store. 0.99
00:07:13.000 You were doing that fucking years and years and years ago. 0.98
00:07:16.000 You do little sketches. 0.98
00:07:17.000 No, well, I want to take all that stuff now and just cut it up And do like little three-minute things and put it on that Funny or Die stuff.
00:07:25.000 Yeah.
00:07:26.000 Because everybody was in it.
00:07:27.000 You were in it.
00:07:28.000 Everybody was in it.
00:07:29.000 Everybody played a part.
00:07:30.000 Bobby Lee, Ali Shafia, the foreign comic.
00:07:36.000 We'd call him the foreign comic.
00:07:38.000 And it was just these crazy...
00:07:41.000 I remember you coming over to me one night, and you go, Dice, can I ask you something?
00:07:47.000 Because I was using the comedy store like a set.
00:07:51.000 I'd be filming.
00:07:52.000 I changed all the lighting in the kitchen.
00:07:54.000 I put the red lights, blue lights for filming.
00:07:58.000 I was doing it for a year, and waitresses would come in to get drink orders, and I'd go, I can't have you in right now.
00:08:04.000 We're filming.
00:08:06.000 You're in my shot.
00:08:08.000 And everybody's asking managers, what show is this?
00:08:12.000 There was no show.
00:08:13.000 But everybody was in it.
00:08:15.000 Steve Renizzisi was in it.
00:08:17.000 Mike Black was in it.
00:08:18.000 Mike Black! 0.99
00:08:22.000 You know how I become friends with Mike fucking Black? 0.99
00:08:27.000 So, for whatever reason, I come over to this guy. 0.98
00:08:29.000 He's sitting in the booth in the kitchen.
00:08:31.000 And I go, hey, Mike, you want to be in the show?
00:08:34.000 And he's going, what show?
00:08:35.000 I go, it's a reality show.
00:08:37.000 And reality wasn't really happening yet.
00:08:40.000 It just wasn't happening.
00:08:41.000 So, people are like, well, what is...
00:08:42.000 I go, you just do what I tell you to do.
00:08:45.000 Just say what I tell you to say and do what I... I said, so what do you...
00:08:48.000 He goes, yeah, I want to be in it.
00:08:50.000 I go, okay, we're going to go to the top of the belly room, the steps...
00:08:54.000 I'm gonna throw you down the steps, okay?
00:08:58.000 And I gotta get a couple angles, so we'll have to do it two or three times.
00:09:02.000 You know, and he goes, wait a minute.
00:09:03.000 He goes, what do you mean you're gonna throw me down the steps?
00:09:06.000 I go, yeah, from the top.
00:09:07.000 So you just go with it, you know, just fall down the steps.
00:09:11.000 And he goes, I don't want you to do that to me.
00:09:14.000 I go, why not?
00:09:15.000 What's the big deal?
00:09:16.000 It's what you do.
00:09:17.000 He goes, what do you mean it's what I do?
00:09:19.000 I go, aren't you a stuntman?
00:09:22.000 And he goes, where'd you hear that?
00:09:23.000 I go, the comics told me that that's what you do besides comedy.
00:09:27.000 You're a stunt.
00:09:27.000 He goes, I'm not a stunt man.
00:09:30.000 I don't want to be thrown down.
00:09:31.000 I want to be in it, but I can't have you just toss me down a full flight of steps like that.
00:09:36.000 I'm going to get hurt.
00:09:37.000 So we had to do it in pieces.
00:09:40.000 Like a fake fall?
00:09:42.000 Well, no, he would go like halfway and then I'd go to the bottom of the steps to get the rest of the fall. 0.99
00:09:47.000 And then I'd try to like kill him with a chair. 0.94
00:09:50.000 And Ari Shafir jumps on me at the right moment to stop me from killing this guy. 0.99
00:09:55.000 It was always a funny thing to watch.
00:09:57.000 Just so I could do a line from Bronze Tale where I'm on top of him now and I go, I did this to you.
00:10:06.000 And he goes, but what will that mean?
00:10:07.000 I go, don't worry about it.
00:10:09.000 When it's edited, you'll see the whole series.
00:10:12.000 The image.
00:10:13.000 Yeah, I go, just do what I tell you. 0.99
00:10:15.000 Because I go over to comics, and I go, all right, look that way, and in four seconds say, that guy's going to have a fucking problem. 0.93
00:10:23.000 And he goes, but there's nobody there. 0.97
00:10:24.000 I go, don't worry about that part.
00:10:26.000 There'll be somebody on the other end at another time.
00:10:29.000 And that's how I would piece those.
00:10:31.000 So I want to take these tapes, just have some editor do like three minute...
00:10:36.000 Because I did it for two years.
00:10:39.000 They'd come to my house for a barbecue.
00:10:41.000 It wound up fighting. 0.99
00:10:43.000 Eleanor gets into a fist fight with Steve Renazisi's wife where he's screaming, knock the shit out of her. 1.00
00:10:49.000 She's got her up against the garage because she said, Eleanor, like, you know, is, like, the house is filthy. 0.99
00:10:56.000 You know, and Eleanor's screaming at me in the kitchen going, she said that when I'm so fucking nice to her? 1.00
00:11:02.000 I'll handle this right now.
00:11:03.000 And Eleanor comes out of the backyard.
00:11:05.000 Now the comic's sitting there, don't know this is gonna... 1.00
00:11:08.000 And she goes, hey, bitch! 1.00
00:11:10.000 This is to Steve's wife, right? 1.00
00:11:12.000 And she chases her, slams her against the garage, starts beating the shit out of her. 1.00
00:11:17.000 And Eleanor was a pro wrestler. 1.00
00:11:18.000 And there's Mike Black and Dave Taylor and Steve Simone and my own kid screaming, kill her! 1.00
00:11:24.000 Just fucking kill her! 1.00
00:11:27.000 And the end of that episode is Dave Taylor, you know, at night, sitting around going, do you understand? 1.00
00:11:35.000 Do you know why Eleanor did that?
00:11:37.000 Because girls like Tracy are taking guys like you from Eleanor all her life. 1.00
00:11:45.000 And Steve Simone's going, yeah, the way Eleanor was hitting her, like you could just feel it, you know, like raging bull, like she really wanted to damage her.
00:11:55.000 Yeah, it's hysterical.
00:11:56.000 That's why I would have barbecues, just to film.
00:12:01.000 It was non-stop, and he comes over to me at the store like, what are you doing exactly?
00:12:06.000 I go, it's a show.
00:12:08.000 It's my show.
00:12:09.000 What show?
00:12:10.000 Where is it?
00:12:11.000 Where can I see it?
00:12:11.000 I don't know.
00:12:12.000 It'll be around.
00:12:13.000 And you still have the footage?
00:12:15.000 All of it.
00:12:15.000 Hundreds of tapes.
00:12:17.000 Hundreds of hours. 0.89
00:12:19.000 You know, till fucking Pauly Shore, you know, stops me at the comedy store, you know, because my kids were in the show and they were like 7 and 11 at the time. 0.94
00:12:29.000 It's when I first broke up with their mom. 0.94
00:12:31.000 So they'd be at the comedy store with me, you You know, and Paulie Shaw comes over, and I'm filming this fight between Ari Shafir and Bobby Lee, where, you know, Ari's, like, throwing boxes of, you know, bottles over Bobby's head,
00:12:47.000 and everybody's cheering to kill Bobby. 0.99
00:12:50.000 You know, and Paulie comes over, he goes, how many times am I going to tell you to get these fucking kids out of the comedy store? 0.99
00:12:56.000 And he says it in front of Dylan, who's a kid. 0.98
00:12:58.000 So I tell Steve Simone, I said, take Dylan outside.
00:13:03.000 Because that's severe to me.
00:13:05.000 So I figured I might have to really damage this kid. 0.90
00:13:09.000 Are you going to attack him? 0.99
00:13:11.000 Yeah, I was going to hurt him.
00:13:12.000 But I'm going, all right, then I'll get sued.
00:13:15.000 So I just lay into him, and I throw a glass at the wall to throw into the garbage, and I leave.
00:13:21.000 The next day, Mitzi calls.
00:13:23.000 She doesn't just ban me from the comedy store.
00:13:26.000 She bans my children. 1.00
00:13:28.000 I go, you're the youngest kids, Devin.
00:13:30.000 If you've never been banned from the store, it's not a good thing.
00:13:34.000 And you're the youngest to get banned.
00:13:36.000 You're not even eight years old.
00:13:38.000 You know how good this is for you?
00:13:40.000 And they go, but we're not allowed to go back in.
00:13:43.000 I go, don't worry.
00:13:44.000 It'll all be straightened out.
00:13:47.000 Who hasn't been banned from the store?
00:13:49.000 Exactly!
00:13:50.000 It's the greatest...
00:13:51.000 It's like a badge of honor.
00:13:52.000 You've never been banned? 1.00
00:13:53.000 After the shit you got... 1.00
00:13:54.000 What was the fight you had a couple weeks ago? 1.00
00:13:57.000 Oh, with Fucko. 1.00
00:13:58.000 But no, I didn't get banned for that.
00:13:59.000 You don't talk about that at all?
00:14:00.000 Because I heard about it.
00:14:02.000 Did you almost get into it with Wild Willie Parsons way back in the day? 0.99
00:14:07.000 No, he said some shit in the main room. 0.99
00:14:09.000 Well, you know, he was just, it was just crazy. 0.99
00:14:11.000 Look how nice and calm he is now.
00:14:12.000 That's what I love about him.
00:14:13.000 Here's the problem.
00:14:14.000 Now I see, when we got there, we were the young guys.
00:14:17.000 And some of the older guys were on the way out.
00:14:19.000 They didn't like that.
00:14:20.000 Right.
00:14:21.000 So every once in a while, something would happen, you know?
00:14:25.000 And the same thing happens to them.
00:14:26.000 And it was like guys that were there for 10 years already and nothing happened yet.
00:14:30.000 Yes.
00:14:30.000 There was a few of those guys.
00:14:31.000 I'll tell you a great Coco story over here.
00:14:35.000 So we just became friends, like, the first year I know this guy, you know.
00:14:39.000 And he would tell, like, me about every restaurant in the United States.
00:14:44.000 I don't know.
00:14:45.000 He knows every restaurant, where it is, what they serve, if it's good, bad.
00:14:49.000 But one night, I come outside, and he's getting into it with some customer, okay?
00:14:55.000 And he's sitting on the back stairs, you know, and I'm just watching, because I wouldn't want to really see anybody get hurt, you know.
00:15:02.000 But, you know...
00:15:04.000 He thinks differently.
00:15:06.000 Joey thinks a little differently.
00:15:08.000 But he doesn't just want to hurt the guy.
00:15:10.000 What he does, he gets all heated up, and he grabs one of those tall glasses from the comedy store, and he breaks it.
00:15:18.000 Like he's still in the middle of Cuba with the sharp edge, and I'm going, Joey, what are you doing?
00:15:23.000 I go, put the glass down!
00:15:26.000 Put the glass... 0.99
00:15:27.000 And he really wants to, like, stab the guy in the throat with the glass. 0.98
00:15:31.000 He's a customer. 1.00
00:15:32.000 He's just a fucking customer. 1.00
00:15:34.000 And he starts laughing, and he throws the glass so the fight was over. 1.00
00:15:39.000 He's going to put this guy in the hospital.
00:15:42.000 Because the guy said something about his act. 1.00
00:15:44.000 You know, they're stupid customers. 1.00
00:15:46.000 I've seen you go after customers. 1.00
00:15:48.000 It's the funniest shit in the world. 0.99
00:15:50.000 I saw him and he's like, I don't even want to say what you were doing. 0.99
00:15:53.000 It was nuts.
00:15:54.000 But you were like trying to get to this guy over the crowd outside on the side.
00:15:59.000 That was that guy that came.
00:16:01.000 He threw something at me.
00:16:03.000 He threw something at me.
00:16:05.000 He came up to the stage.
00:16:07.000 He came up to the stage threatening me.
00:16:09.000 And he said he was going to wait for me outside. 1.00
00:16:11.000 That guy was an asshole. 1.00
00:16:13.000 He was heckling somebody before me, too. 1.00
00:16:16.000 Somebody who's real mean to somebody before me.
00:16:18.000 I don't remember who it was.
00:16:19.000 It's just the violence involved in comedy now is hysterical.
00:16:23.000 Well, this was 20 years ago, or whatever it was.
00:16:26.000 Yeah, but it's been going on that long, and it's been a nice build since then.
00:16:29.000 There's always going to be drunks. 0.99
00:16:31.000 There's always going to be drunks and drunk assholes. 1.00
00:16:33.000 I can't take the drunks. 0.99
00:16:34.000 There's some people that are drunk and they're fun.
00:16:36.000 They're great.
00:16:37.000 And there's other people...
00:16:38.000 That are just belligerent.
00:16:39.000 They're gone.
00:16:40.000 They're gone.
00:16:41.000 They're not themselves anymore. 1.00
00:16:42.000 You do a 10 o'clock show in Vegas, you're asking for fucking trouble. 0.98
00:16:46.000 How about if you do a midnight? 0.99
00:16:48.000 Remember those Riviera shows?
00:16:49.000 The people that...
00:16:50.000 Oh my god.
00:16:51.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:16:52.000 That's...
00:16:52.000 Yeah, now I just, if somebody's really like that, I just throw them out of the room.
00:16:57.000 Yeah.
00:16:58.000 It's the way to do it.
00:16:59.000 No, but I'll say, really, I go, I'm not making believe I don't like you.
00:17:05.000 Yeah.
00:17:06.000 I go, this is my real emotion.
00:17:07.000 I go, I have a hatred for you now.
00:17:09.000 I go, you gotta leave this room now.
00:17:12.000 And then they think it's a joke, and there's like two security guards standing behind them.
00:17:16.000 I remember one guy looking and going, you're kidding, right?
00:17:19.000 I'm getting thrown out for what?
00:17:20.000 I go, you talked!
00:17:23.000 There is no talking in here.
00:17:24.000 Like it's a classroom.
00:17:27.000 It's just all in effect.
00:17:29.000 And I know how you perform, and I know how you perform, but I really get mad when they don't care what's going on with the performer on stage.
00:17:38.000 Chappelle was at the store the other night, and some kid was yelling at him.
00:17:41.000 Interrupting. 1.00
00:17:42.000 Just yelling shit out at him. 0.99
00:17:43.000 Just yelling. 1.00
00:17:44.000 Just yelling shit out. 0.99
00:17:45.000 What about this? 1.00
00:17:46.000 What about that? 1.00
00:17:46.000 Just different questions at him, and finally people just started going, shut the fuck up. 1.00
00:17:51.000 Like, one guy yelled it, and then it happened to be me. 0.99
00:17:54.000 Some other people in the room yelled it.
00:17:56.000 And it just got to this point where people were like, stop this.
00:17:59.000 But it should never get to that point.
00:18:00.000 The management should step in, right?
00:18:03.000 The bouncers, the door guys.
00:18:05.000 The bouncers, kids starting comedy.
00:18:08.000 Yeah, that's the thing about the store.
00:18:08.000 They don't want to fight.
00:18:09.000 The one thing about the store that's always been amazing is how many people who worked there who eventually became comics.
00:18:14.000 Joey, Ari rather, Duncan, but because of that- I love Russell. 1.00
00:18:20.000 With the fucking puppet! 0.99
00:18:22.000 When people go running from the room, does he still do the fucking thing with the- Oh yeah, yeah, he still does the puppet. 1.00
00:18:27.000 Where he's like starting to pray? 0.98
00:18:29.000 Yeah, don't tell- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:18:31.000 Don't give the bit away.
00:18:32.000 No, I'm not giving the bit away.
00:18:33.000 I'm just saying what happens to people.
00:18:36.000 There's nothing better than sitting in the back of that room when people start getting frightened because of what's happening through the puppet.
00:18:46.000 And they start running from their seats to leave the store.
00:18:50.000 It's the greatest moment.
00:18:51.000 I smash my head against the wall at those moments.
00:18:54.000 Somewhere out there, someone has the original puppet.
00:18:56.000 Somebody stole it, right?
00:18:57.000 They stole the original puppet.
00:18:58.000 Really?
00:18:59.000 Yeah, the original puppet.
00:19:00.000 The new one's actually better than the old one, though. 1.00
00:19:03.000 Who knows what that puppet did to this fucking guy already. 1.00
00:19:09.000 Whoever stole that puppet's got a problem. 1.00
00:19:12.000 You fucked up. 1.00
00:19:13.000 Yeah, you don't take that kind of puppet. 1.00
00:19:16.000 Are you fucking kidding me with this here over here now? 0.99
00:19:19.000 That little puppet was fucking scary, guys. 0.99
00:19:21.000 Do you remember that Twilight Zone episode where the guy, the puppet, the puppet was fucking evil? 0.99
00:19:26.000 I sort of do remember that. 0.98
00:19:26.000 The puppet was trying to get him to steal. 0.98
00:19:28.000 It was great.
00:19:29.000 It was creepy.
00:19:30.000 Now, who was the actor?
00:19:32.000 It wasn't Burgess Meredith.
00:19:33.000 He did the library with the glasses when at the end his glasses break and he can't read.
00:19:38.000 And who was the guy from The Odd Couple?
00:19:40.000 Jack Klugman.
00:19:41.000 Jack Klugman did The Pool Hustler.
00:19:43.000 Yes, he did.
00:19:44.000 And Jonathan Winters played the other guy, the dead guy who comes back to life to play him.
00:19:48.000 That is a good episode. 1.00
00:19:50.000 Fuck! 0.99
00:19:51.000 That's a really good episode. 1.00
00:19:52.000 But that dummy one was one of the most disturbing ones.
00:19:55.000 Because the dummy would wait for everybody to leave and go, come on, you could rob her. 1.00
00:20:01.000 The purse is just right over there.
00:20:03.000 Just take it. 0.99
00:20:04.000 Don't be a coward. 0.99
00:20:06.000 Like, whoa. 0.98
00:20:07.000 Today they would change the language a little.
00:20:09.000 There's Duncan.
00:20:10.000 There he is.
00:20:12.000 Is this on film?
00:20:13.000 Are we filming this today?
00:20:14.000 Yeah.
00:20:15.000 So people know I'm on, right?
00:20:16.000 Of course.
00:20:17.000 We tweeted it, too.
00:20:18.000 Yeah, I'm Dice.
00:20:19.000 Anyway, just in case.
00:20:22.000 They know who you are.
00:20:23.000 This is the greatest show.
00:20:24.000 You know, you just get in it.
00:20:26.000 I've done this before.
00:20:27.000 You just get in it.
00:20:29.000 Yeah, well, it's like Opie and Anthony used to do their show. 0.99
00:20:31.000 There's no fucking around. 0.99
00:20:32.000 Yeah, just have some fun. 0.99
00:20:34.000 I love it.
00:20:34.000 I love it.
00:20:35.000 What about people asking questions and shit? 0.99
00:20:36.000 Interview on interview. 0.99
00:20:38.000 Yeah, just have some fun.
00:20:39.000 Oh no, I don't think we ever really did a formal interview.
00:20:43.000 I wouldn't know where to start.
00:20:44.000 You're too friendly to me and too influential.
00:20:49.000 Yeah, we became good friends through the years.
00:20:51.000 For sure.
00:20:52.000 I watched you turn into Joe Rogan.
00:20:55.000 No, serious.
00:20:56.000 Like, from the time you came to the store, like, you were figuring it all out, and you became this...
00:21:00.000 I remember coming over to Joe. 0.95
00:21:02.000 He has a hit fucking sitcom on the air, and I'd always see him at the comedy store. 0.94
00:21:07.000 I come over to him one night, and I go, how come you're here? 0.98
00:21:12.000 Like, you have a hit show.
00:21:13.000 Like, why aren't you on the road? 0.94
00:21:16.000 I was going, you know, there's a lot of fucking money on the road for a guy that has a hit show. 0.82
00:21:23.000 And that's, I think, when you started doing The Road. 0.96
00:21:26.000 100%.
00:21:26.000 I also told it to, what's his face, the guy...
00:21:30.000 Who's the guy that works with Whitney Comm a lot?
00:21:36.000 Chris D'Elia?
00:21:37.000 Yeah.
00:21:38.000 So, you know, I would see D'Elia in the coffee bean all the time, and he crushes on stage.
00:21:43.000 And I go, don't you go on the road?
00:21:46.000 He goes, no, I'm writing material.
00:21:48.000 I go, the road, you have a hit show.
00:21:50.000 Like, what's wrong with people?
00:21:52.000 Yeah, I always thought as long as I was still doing...
00:21:55.000 Well, the goal for a lot of guys was always to get a TV show.
00:21:58.000 Well, Ari Shafir, I scream at on the phone.
00:22:01.000 Like when he started doing his show now on Comedy Central, I'm on the phone with him.
00:22:05.000 This is like the first season.
00:22:07.000 At the beginning, I call him, I congratulate him, I go, so do you know your next two or three moves?
00:22:12.000 You know, if the show like starts taking off.
00:22:15.000 He goes, no, I haven't really thought about it.
00:22:18.000 I go, why not?
00:22:19.000 You're waiting 15 years for this. 1.00
00:22:22.000 You talk to me about not having money to pay your fucking rent. 1.00
00:22:25.000 Now you have a show. 1.00
00:22:27.000 I don't know.
00:22:27.000 Maybe a club tour.
00:22:29.000 Maybe record an album.
00:22:31.000 Maybe do a Comedy Central special after that.
00:22:35.000 You know, something like that.
00:22:36.000 So if they happen to take the show and flush it in the toilet after the first season, you have a career.
00:22:43.000 Because now people know you. 1.00
00:22:47.000 They're like fucking retarded! 1.00
00:22:50.000 They're retarded! 1.00
00:22:52.000 Well, Ari does a lot of stand-up. 1.00
00:22:54.000 No, now he is. 1.00
00:22:55.000 He called me recently and he told me all the shit he's doing. 0.98
00:22:58.000 It was 100% because of you I started doing The Road. 0.99
00:23:00.000 100%.
00:23:01.000 I remember where we were.
00:23:02.000 We were standing in that back area.
00:23:04.000 I don't even want to go back that far because you've done and come so far since then.
00:23:08.000 But it was like, whenever I see a comic doing well, I'll always look to like, oh, look, this is what you got to do. 0.95
00:23:13.000 You're nuts if you don't do it.
00:23:15.000 Well, it meant a lot to me because when I was a kid, way before I got into comedy... 0.92
00:23:19.000 I was a fan of yours, and I was listening to you with this girl that I was dating once. 0.97
00:23:22.000 We were in the car, and we were listening to it on a cassette, and we were fucking howling! 0.99
00:23:28.000 We were howling! 0.99
00:23:29.000 And this girl thought you were the funniest thing ever, and that was what made her cool. 0.94
00:23:32.000 Like, she wasn't uptight, because a lot of people, back then, you know, the people that don't realize, like, sort of the course your career's gone, like, Dice was unquestionably a different thing.
00:23:44.000 You were the biggest comic ever when I was a kid, 100%. 0.99
00:23:48.000 When you were filling up arenas, there was a different thing going on where people could repeat your shit. 1.00
00:23:54.000 They could say, what's in the bowl, bitch? 1.00
00:23:56.000 And you would see 15,000 people going, what's in the bowl, bitch? 1.00
00:24:02.000 It's so fucking crazy. 1.00
00:24:03.000 It was a different thing. 0.97
00:24:05.000 You know what frustrates me when I talk about the arenas with anybody?
00:24:09.000 You know, like, you know, they always bring up the garden, which was an honor, you know, to play.
00:24:13.000 It's the most famous arena ever.
00:24:15.000 And I did the two nights there.
00:24:17.000 But I always tell these interviews, I go, do you understand I did over 300 sold?
00:24:23.000 I go, the first tour alone was 26 cities. 0.98
00:24:26.000 Over 300 of these, and they'd be gone in a matter of a couple hours before the Facebook, before Twitter, before fucking followers. 0.99
00:24:35.000 I go, all people did was follow me into the fucking arenas. 0.99
00:24:39.000 I go, I wasn't tweeting and arguing with fans on Twitter, you know. 0.98
00:24:44.000 Well, it all became a thing.
00:24:46.000 It became a thing from Ronnie Dangerfield.
00:24:48.000 Yeah, it went that quick.
00:24:50.000 It was so fast.
00:24:51.000 It was gigantic.
00:24:52.000 And this is all word of mouth.
00:24:54.000 But my point being, then you hit...
00:24:56.000 There was a lot of backlash against you.
00:24:58.000 It was so insane.
00:24:59.000 It's starting again.
00:25:00.000 It's nuts.
00:25:01.000 Really?
00:25:01.000 Like, yeah, I'm doing some interviews and like...
00:25:04.000 This one guy, I don't want to say what newspaper yet, because it's all giant papers.
00:25:08.000 They're doing these profiles on me now.
00:25:11.000 I'm going to New York next week.
00:25:12.000 I've got to sit down with the New York Times. 1.00
00:25:15.000 It's like crazy shit again. 0.99
00:25:16.000 This is like the build-up since I started doing your show from Entourage to, you know, to the Woody Allen thing and now Scorsese and now my own show. 0.99
00:25:25.000 It's like, you know, number one working with, you know, guys like Woody and Scorsese was unreal.
00:25:30.000 And...
00:25:31.000 Yeah, those are two crazy directors.
00:25:33.000 But this one guy doing a profile piece comes and he sees me in Vegas at the Laugh Factory where I've been doing like a little residency to stay like sort of low key till this hits now.
00:25:44.000 And I'll announce dates later on the show where I'm performing.
00:25:49.000 But anyway, and I really wanted to give this guy a real show.
00:25:55.000 And the way I perform now is very, very theatrical.
00:25:59.000 It's all acted out.
00:26:01.000 You know, I sit in a chair, I'll stare at a guy.
00:26:04.000 If a guy goes, I'm married 32 years, I'll actually fall down onto a chair and just look at him like, you're kidding me, right?
00:26:12.000 I've been married also a lot.
00:26:15.000 But not to the same one.
00:26:17.000 Like, I break it up.
00:26:18.000 You throw a redhead in, you throw a brunette in for eight years. 1.00
00:26:22.000 The same thing?
00:26:23.000 I go, you know, we might be becoming friends now, but I gotta tell you, as your friend, in a lot of ways, you hate yourself.
00:26:31.000 And the guy's going, I don't hate myself.
00:26:33.000 I go, you don't hate yourself? 1.00
00:26:34.000 You're fucking the same girl for 32 years. 1.00
00:26:37.000 What does that tell you? 1.00
00:26:38.000 You admitted to me you never had an affair.
00:26:41.000 Who does that in life? 1.00
00:26:43.000 Who doesn't want to go out there and stick every fucking wet box they could get their hands on on the tip of your fucking dick to the roots of your balls just for the goof? 1.00
00:26:51.000 And even if you get caught, you flip the switch on your chick. 1.00
00:26:55.000 You go, I did this for you.
00:26:58.000 You were busy with the kids.
00:27:00.000 You were busy with your new business.
00:27:02.000 I wanted to stay wet.
00:27:03.000 Every load she took, I was thinking of you. 1.00
00:27:06.000 Now go make me a fucking steak. 1.00
00:27:09.000 I don't want to talk about this no more. 1.00
00:27:11.000 So the reporter sees this?
00:27:13.000 What's that?
00:27:14.000 The reporter sees this?
00:27:15.000 Yeah.
00:27:16.000 And gets upset?
00:27:17.000 So after the show, he says to me, but obviously my show's a goof.
00:27:20.000 It's comedy.
00:27:22.000 It's pretty obvious.
00:27:23.000 And he goes, Dice, now that you're being looked at as this great actor now, why would you perform?
00:27:31.000 And I'm like, you're kidding me, right?
00:27:34.000 I go, it's what I do.
00:27:35.000 It's what I love to do.
00:27:37.000 I love to affect people.
00:27:39.000 I like people to walk out of a room going, I've never seen anything like that.
00:27:43.000 You know?
00:27:44.000 Like, you know, when you're looking at a guy in the crowd who's sitting with his wife, and he's with his best friend, okay?
00:27:50.000 A double date.
00:27:51.000 And I go, let me tell you.
00:27:52.000 He said, you got a best friend?
00:27:53.000 And he goes, yeah, this guy.
00:27:54.000 I'm friends with him for 25 years.
00:27:56.000 He's your best friend?
00:27:58.000 Did your best friend ever call you one time?
00:28:00.000 Because you got a hot-looking wife. 1.00
00:28:02.000 She's got them big kettleball fucking tits hanging down. 1.00
00:28:05.000 Every holiday he gets to hug her a little too close, maybe. 1.00
00:28:09.000 When was the last time your best friend ever called you and said...
00:28:13.000 Last night, I jerked off thinking about your wife.
00:28:18.000 And the guy goes, I go, never, right?
00:28:20.000 Because he's really not your friend.
00:28:22.000 I would call you. 1.00
00:28:24.000 I would tell you, last night I wheelbarrow fucked this animal. 1.00
00:28:28.000 She's walking on her hands, picking up water with her teeth for me. 1.00
00:28:31.000 You know, I go, and then you bang her the way I tell you, and if it works out like my scenario, I give you the next scenario.
00:28:38.000 That's a friend. 1.00
00:28:40.000 Not a guy hugging your wife, never turns around and says, Oh, I love your wife's fucking ass. 1.00
00:28:44.000 The way those pants split her fucking crease between her legs. 1.00
00:28:47.000 You might think your wife is ugly because your friend never takes the time to tell you how many loads he drops just thinking about her. 1.00
00:28:55.000 So don't tell me he's your best friend. 1.00
00:28:57.000 He's your worst fucking enemy in the world. 1.00
00:28:59.000 I'm the friend. 1.00
00:29:02.000 It all makes sense.
00:29:03.000 And you're getting negative feedback from this?
00:29:05.000 That doesn't even make any sense.
00:29:06.000 Well, because...
00:29:08.000 No, because it's all done as a goof.
00:29:12.000 Of course.
00:29:13.000 Like the guy's going, well, why would you do that material?
00:29:15.000 I go, well, why should I go on stage?
00:29:17.000 And go, you've been together with a woman 32 years.
00:29:19.000 Obviously, you love your family.
00:29:21.000 You raise beautiful children.
00:29:23.000 Nobody wants to hear that.
00:29:24.000 But here's a question.
00:29:25.000 Why does it have to make sense?
00:29:27.000 Why can't it just be funny?
00:29:28.000 That's my whole thing.
00:29:29.000 That's what I like.
00:29:30.000 I like that.
00:29:31.000 You know, I've always said that, like, when people ask me, like, what's your favorite kind of comedy?
00:29:35.000 Like, I just want to laugh. 0.99
00:29:37.000 Like, when Joey is saying the most ridiculous shit, I laugh harder than anything I've ever heard in my life. 1.00
00:29:42.000 It doesn't have to make sense to me. 1.00
00:29:43.000 He's in a coma.
00:29:44.000 No, I'm fine.
00:29:46.000 But it's like movies.
00:29:47.000 That's an appetizer. 0.99
00:29:47.000 How come movies can be ridiculous? 0.99
00:29:50.000 Ridiculous in what they're showing you? 1.00
00:29:52.000 Ridiculous. 0.99
00:29:53.000 Exactly. 1.00
00:29:54.000 Especially violent.
00:29:55.000 I mean, think about how many violent movies there are. 0.99
00:29:57.000 Every fucking couple months there's some crazy movie where a hundred people get shot. 0.98
00:30:01.000 It's constant, right? 1.00
00:30:03.000 But a guy on stage just talking in ridiculous, absurd ways about sex. 0.98
00:30:09.000 Why is that pissing people off? 0.97
00:30:10.000 Even in comedies.
00:30:11.000 And it really started around the time they came with...
00:30:16.000 What's that?
00:30:16.000 I said with those glasses on, too.
00:30:18.000 Exactly.
00:30:19.000 It's beautiful.
00:30:19.000 But the thing is, it started with that Mary movie that Matt Dillon did years ago where she's got a load dripping off her head.
00:30:28.000 And everybody's hysterically laughing.
00:30:30.000 That's okay.
00:30:31.000 But if you say it as a comic, it's like, why would you say that?
00:30:34.000 Because it's what I do.
00:30:36.000 But the way you're saying it, it's so over-the-top crazy.
00:30:40.000 It's absurd. 0.78
00:30:40.000 It's so absurd. 0.78
00:30:41.000 I don't understand why people don't just think it's ridiculous. 0.52
00:30:44.000 The last time I went to see a comic, it was me and Norton and Anthony Cumia and Bobby Kelly and Brian Redband.
00:30:52.000 You weren't there, were you, Jamie?
00:30:53.000 And we went to see you at the Riv.
00:30:56.000 It was awesome! 0.99
00:30:57.000 I had a fucking blast. 1.00
00:31:00.000 I had a great time just sitting there as an audience member, watching, and some of the shit you're talking about is so preposterous. 1.00
00:31:08.000 It almost makes me angry that anybody would have an argument with you, like, saying something wrong with what you're saying, because you're saying shit that's so... 1.00
00:31:17.000 Like, you were talking about how your kid could catch gay by the way you bang your wife. 0.99
00:31:26.000 But also now I'm getting questioned. 0.99
00:31:29.000 Who's Dice?
00:31:31.000 Who's Andrew?
00:31:32.000 So you know what the line is?
00:31:33.000 Who cares?
00:31:35.000 Because I wear the fingerless gloves all the time. 0.99
00:31:37.000 So I go, we share the same fucking closet. 0.99
00:31:39.000 What am I going to tell you? 0.99
00:31:40.000 I don't know how to separate the two for you.
00:31:42.000 They go crazy from that.
00:31:44.000 Yeah.
00:31:45.000 Well, they don't want to allow that for some reason.
00:31:49.000 Like, there's all sorts of weird art forms that they allow people to act differently in acting.
00:31:54.000 You become a character, and then you're who you are offstage.
00:31:58.000 But in comedy, for some reason, they want to combine the two.
00:32:02.000 Always.
00:32:03.000 And sometimes it is.
00:32:05.000 Some guys are exactly who they are.
00:32:07.000 But even now, I'm self-deprecating on stage. 0.99
00:32:09.000 I talk about getting older, this and that, all that shit. 0.90
00:32:13.000 Years ago, I never did any self-deprecating stuff. 0.83
00:32:17.000 It just wasn't who Dice is.
00:32:20.000 Dice was supposed to be just a comedic hero for people.
00:32:24.000 That's it.
00:32:24.000 And Dice came out of your act where you used to do a bunch of different impressions, right?
00:32:29.000 All the impressions. 0.98
00:32:30.000 You have a fucking fantastic Stallone. 0.99
00:32:33.000 I don't know what you're talking about. 0.99
00:32:35.000 He's got like a great Travolta.
00:32:37.000 Travolta.
00:32:38.000 Travolta's off the chain.
00:32:39.000 I love Jack that he got to work with him. 0.98
00:32:40.000 The Joey guy, when I saw him in Grudge Match, I was like, that's fucking great. 0.53
00:32:44.000 Two of my heroes. 0.94
00:32:46.000 And you also do a mean-ass Travolta.
00:32:49.000 Who was one of the guys?
00:32:50.000 Oh, Pacino in the court movie.
00:32:53.000 Oh, did you do Eric Roberts?
00:32:54.000 No, Eric Roberts.
00:32:55.000 Eric Roberts?
00:32:56.000 Back when Eric Roberts was famous. 1.00
00:32:58.000 Charlie, they took my fucking thumb, Charlie. 1.00
00:33:01.000 Sometimes you gotta whack them. 1.00
00:33:04.000 You say you put your coat on and you don't say goodnight to nobody.
00:33:08.000 See?
00:33:12.000 And that's just to humble them. 1.00
00:33:14.000 That was a great fucking movie. 1.00
00:33:17.000 That was a great movie. 1.00
00:33:18.000 Do me a favor, don't cook. 1.00
00:33:19.000 The contents of my balls is on your face. 1.00
00:33:23.000 Oh, I can't believe you remember that. 0.99
00:33:25.000 Listen, I'm driving by the comedy store one afternoon just looking for a free lunch.
00:33:30.000 See, maybe someone left a sandwich out at the comedy store.
00:33:33.000 And I'm rehearsing in the original room to tape.
00:33:35.000 I pull in there and the parking lot's kind of packed.
00:33:38.000 I'm like, why are these people here?
00:33:39.000 One in the afternoon.
00:33:41.000 This has to be 99. And I walk in and I hear piano.
00:33:47.000 And I look in there and there's like 20 old people.
00:33:49.000 And Jeff is on stage playing and Dice is on. 0.99
00:33:52.000 And he's doing this fucking thing. 0.99
00:33:54.000 Because I forgot it. 1.00
00:33:56.000 The contents of my balls is on your face. 0.99
00:34:00.000 Yeah, we take like famous standards. 0.99
00:34:01.000 Oh my God.
00:34:02.000 I'm in the back. 1.00
00:34:03.000 The contents of my balls is on your face. 1.00
00:34:15.000 Can't take my cock out of you. 1.00
00:34:20.000 Your box is too good to be true. 1.00
00:34:24.000 Yeah, Frankie Valli really liked that one.
00:34:29.000 He even asked me, like, why would you do that to my most famous...
00:34:33.000 He did?
00:34:34.000 I go, it's hysterical.
00:34:35.000 I love you.
00:34:38.000 You know, I could have been swearing to God, but I wanted, like, a ballad. 0.62
00:34:41.000 Don't you think that the blowback is less ridiculous now, though? 0.86
00:34:44.000 Oh, no, 100%. 0.88
00:34:45.000 You remember when, like, they went after you? 0.99
00:34:47.000 I'm, like, embarrassed by the shit they're saying about me with the acting. 0.99
00:34:50.000 See, when you sit there and go, you know, when you came to know me, I was filling out all those arenas and all that shit. 0.98
00:34:58.000 Like, I take a lot of pride in that because I know I set a standard for comics that today when I see, you know, like, Louis C.K. call me before he went on at the Forum. 0.66
00:35:09.000 It's nervous.
00:35:10.000 You can't blame the guy.
00:35:11.000 It's 18,000 people.
00:35:12.000 And I'm going, Louie, you don't have to do anything other than who they've come to love.
00:35:18.000 Don't exaggerate it.
00:35:19.000 You don't have to.
00:35:20.000 Just be you.
00:35:21.000 Because it's so many people.
00:35:24.000 But what I love is that some of the guys have filled those places now.
00:35:29.000 And I go, of course, I took the heat for it.
00:35:33.000 You know, and I don't mind that history now.
00:35:35.000 I didn't mind it back then, but I didn't realize the effect it would have on the future of comics.
00:35:41.000 Well, it was very important, and it was overlooked by a lot of people who were, you know, they talk about free speech all the time.
00:35:48.000 Like, what happened with you was really overlooked, because it wasn't...
00:35:52.000 That what you were doing was anything more crazy than anything that was in the movies, anything that was in literature, anything that was in books or magazines, even, you know, articles.
00:36:00.000 What you were doing was just a really extreme version of stand-up comedy.
00:36:05.000 I mean, that's all it was.
00:36:06.000 Bigger than life.
00:36:07.000 That's what it's supposed to be.
00:36:08.000 Really fun to watch. 0.74
00:36:09.000 And some people decided that your character promoted, you know, in the most ridiculous ways, promoted misogyny or... 0.95
00:36:19.000 Hatred. 0.99
00:36:20.000 Hatred against gays. 0.99
00:36:21.000 Ugh. 0.96
00:36:21.000 And it wasn't. 0.96
00:36:23.000 And that's the funny, it was just funny fucking jokes. 0.99
00:36:26.000 Right, but how come? 0.98
00:36:27.000 And it was at a time, you know, because I remember when Ellen came out of the closet, I loved that girl.
00:36:32.000 You know what I mean?
00:36:33.000 I had nothing against gay people, but at the time I was doing this act is when they were fighting for their rights, when they wanted to come out of the closet.
00:36:43.000 You know, but when I moved to Hollywood, and here, now, you know, like, you know, with, what's-his-face, Caitlyn Jenner.
00:36:53.000 Yeah.
00:36:53.000 Okay.
00:36:54.000 Now, years ago, when I would do a joke about that, you know, I would go, and what's with these trans testicles? 1.00
00:37:01.000 I go, you meet the girl of your dreams, right? 0.99
00:37:03.000 You whiner, you diner, you take her home, you put your hand up a skirt, you hold in a tree trunk.
00:37:09.000 That's not hate.
00:37:09.000 It's funny.
00:37:10.000 Right.
00:37:11.000 You know?
00:37:11.000 And now today, everything's changed.
00:37:14.000 So, like, when that happened with Caitlin, there she is doing a two-hour interview about it.
00:37:18.000 Right.
00:37:19.000 You know, it's all accepted.
00:37:20.000 It's all good.
00:37:21.000 I don't care what anybody does.
00:37:23.000 You know?
00:37:24.000 But...
00:37:25.000 It's just like I couldn't believe that backlash, because I'm going, I say nothing about hating anybody.
00:37:31.000 Even with the sexist remark, when they call him a sexist, I go, it's not sexist. 0.93
00:37:36.000 I go, I happen to love women, and I love having sex with women, and I love making fun of how people make such a big deal over sex. 1.00
00:37:47.000 I go, that's all it's about. 0.95
00:37:48.000 So I like to paint these bigger-than-life cartoon pictures of people having sex, that they laugh at themselves.
00:37:56.000 Because we put so much on it. 0.96
00:37:59.000 You know, just so much on the act of banging your chick. 0.94
00:38:04.000 And it's the one moment in life with everything in the world that goes on.
00:38:10.000 I'm sure you guys are saying, I just lose myself in that. 0.91
00:38:14.000 When my balls are bashing into who I love for hours on end, that my own wife has to say, I'm only a girl. 0.96
00:38:24.000 You know? 0.98
00:38:25.000 But it just takes...
00:38:28.000 I'm kidding about that.
00:38:29.000 But the point is, it's like the one moment in your life...
00:38:34.000 You know, when you're blowing it out from the bottom of your nutbag, from all the pressure you might have gone through that day, you forget the world for those moments.
00:38:45.000 The greatest feeling ever.
00:38:47.000 If I could laugh hysterically and be coming at the same time, I could die at that moment and I'll be happy.
00:38:56.000 The two greatest things ever.
00:38:58.000 To laugh as hard as you can from like something the best buddy would tell you that you can't control.
00:39:03.000 The kind of laugh where you go, you gotta stop.
00:39:05.000 I can't breathe.
00:39:06.000 And you're blowing your load. 1.00
00:39:08.000 I could take death at that time. 0.99
00:39:11.000 All good. 0.99
00:39:12.000 That's a good way to go.
00:39:14.000 Yeah, but how do you get the laugh going?
00:39:16.000 It's hard. 0.97
00:39:17.000 It's hard to laugh and cum at the same time. 0.99
00:39:20.000 You have to play a prank on her. 0.96
00:39:21.000 And then you have to fight off guilt to really enjoy it.
00:39:24.000 You play a prank on your chick. 0.96
00:39:25.000 She looks at you.
00:39:26.000 The same prank I do to you that you might laugh hysterical.
00:39:29.000 She'll go, why did you say that?
00:39:31.000 I go, alright.
00:39:33.000 Let's go to the mall.
00:39:34.000 Ari and I were talking about that yesterday. 1.00
00:39:36.000 About how comics say and do the meanest fucking shit to each other, and it's hilarious. 1.00
00:39:40.000 We were talking about guys knocking... 1.00
00:39:41.000 Ari knocked a pill bottle out of some dude's hand. 1.00
00:39:44.000 Sent all his mints flying, but there was some, I guess, Valium?
00:39:48.000 Is that what it was?
00:39:49.000 You had an Altoids 10 and there was a Vicodin or something in it.
00:39:52.000 Something like that. 0.99
00:39:54.000 But that's typical comic shit, right? 0.99
00:39:58.000 Joey, you've been with the same girl for a long time now. 0.99
00:40:01.000 How's that feel?
00:40:03.000 Have you seen Little Joey yet?
00:40:04.000 I can't complain.
00:40:05.000 His daughter's adorable.
00:40:07.000 I can't complain.
00:40:09.000 We started talking a few months ago.
00:40:10.000 I wanted him to play this bouncer in Still Rebels' first video.
00:40:15.000 But he was out of town, so we couldn't use him, obviously.
00:40:19.000 Are you having more fun now than you've had before?
00:40:23.000 Thousand percent.
00:40:24.000 It's lighter.
00:40:25.000 Yeah, you seem real relaxed.
00:40:28.000 Even when everything was going great for you, in the past, you were real stressed.
00:40:33.000 Because I was under a microscope.
00:40:36.000 That's what it was.
00:40:37.000 And you were one of the only guys.
00:40:39.000 That was it.
00:40:40.000 There was Kinison, and Kinison died, and then you were still alive, and you were the guy that people would get mad at.
00:40:46.000 And I remember when Kurt Loder was mad at you. 0.99
00:40:49.000 Remember that shit? 1.00
00:40:50.000 The fucking MTV guy? 1.00
00:40:50.000 That I don't remember. 1.00
00:40:51.000 What was that?
00:40:51.000 Wasn't he mad at you?
00:40:52.000 Kurt Loder.
00:40:53.000 Everybody was mad.
00:40:54.000 Did you do get banned from MTV for telling some jokes about feminine hygiene products?
00:40:57.000 No, no, no.
00:40:58.000 What happened, if you want the little MTV story, that they keep throwing at me also...
00:41:05.000 What happened was, I was booked, Arsenio was the host, and I was booked to bring out Cher.
00:41:11.000 Which I looked at like that's because I'm a Cher fan.
00:41:16.000 She was coming to my show.
00:41:18.000 She came to the Wilton, the amphitheater, the LA Forum.
00:41:22.000 So when they asked me to bring her out, it was like, that's great.
00:41:26.000 MTV Awards.
00:41:27.000 So now a couple minutes before I go out, Dick Clark calls me over backstage and he goes, look...
00:41:36.000 You might have to stretch a little because Cher's getting dressed. 0.98
00:41:40.000 And I'm like, what do you mean she's getting dressed?
00:41:42.000 She wears nothing.
00:41:43.000 She wears a thong and some nylons.
00:41:46.000 That's the outfit.
00:41:48.000 And he goes, well, if you've got to stretch, Arsenio will come over and you'll do something.
00:41:55.000 I go, no, no, no, no, no.
00:41:56.000 That's not how it works with me.
00:41:58.000 I go, I've been watching this whole show.
00:42:01.000 I saw Richard Lewis come on and just freaking eat it.
00:42:04.000 You know, Paul Reiser tried to come out and talk about...
00:42:07.000 This to an MTV audience.
00:42:10.000 You know, 6,000 people at the amphitheater.
00:42:12.000 Paul Reiser's talking about the hats that Frank Sinatra wears.
00:42:18.000 Crickets.
00:42:19.000 You know?
00:42:20.000 And my friend...
00:42:22.000 My friend Hot Tub Johnny says to me, he goes, look...
00:42:28.000 You could go out there, you could be a teardrop, or you could be a tidal wave.
00:42:34.000 He goes, look what this guy's telling you.
00:42:36.000 You're going to stretch?
00:42:37.000 So now, because he took me on the side, and as he takes me on the side after Dick Clark talks to me, they start introducing me.
00:42:44.000 So I'm angry.
00:42:46.000 So I come out, and I just go into my act.
00:42:49.000 The poem was...
00:42:51.000 Wait, the famous poem, I think...
00:42:57.000 Georgie Porgie pudding and pie jerked off in his girlfriend's eye. 1.00
00:43:01.000 When her eye was dry and shut, Georgie fucked that one-eyed slut. 1.00
00:43:05.000 Oh! 1.00
00:43:07.000 You know, so that was like the poem I did.
00:43:11.000 You know, and then I was talking about...
00:43:13.000 Did he kill?
00:43:14.000 Yeah, killed.
00:43:15.000 I was crushing.
00:43:16.000 You know, my manager at the time, Sandy Gallen, after I came off stage, they have all these tents with press, and they took me from each tent, and not one question was asked to me.
00:43:30.000 But I got press for two years after that.
00:43:35.000 I mean, every day.
00:43:36.000 And the arena shows, if I was doing one arena show, let's say in Milwaukee, there were three now.
00:43:43.000 So it's doing 60,000 people for the weekend rather than 20. I did over 12 million people in a four-year span in arenas.
00:43:56.000 Right after that MTV thing.
00:43:57.000 Yeah, when it got bad, I was doing 10,000 people a night.
00:44:02.000 So, you know, this is after they crushed Ford Fairlane, you know, and I'd be walking around New Orleans with my father and he'd go, you're supposed to be done and you're doing 20,000 people at the Sundome tonight.
00:44:14.000 What is wrong with Hollywood?
00:44:16.000 You know, it was just insanity for many years.
00:44:18.000 Well, they had just decided that they were gonna blackball you.
00:44:21.000 That was it.
00:44:21.000 Push you on the outs.
00:44:22.000 And I remember watching it going, this is kind of fucking creepy. 0.94
00:44:26.000 It's kind of creepy that they all just decide that this isn't a valid art form. 1.00
00:44:30.000 That the kind of shit that makes me howl laughing. 0.99
00:44:32.000 Like, if you really meant what you said, you really were a bad guy, it wouldn't be that funny. 1.00
00:44:37.000 It's funny because it's a character.
00:44:38.000 Yeah, because I know I'm a good guy. 0.97
00:44:39.000 And it's ridiculous.
00:44:40.000 That's why I had this little argument with this interviewer, because after he saw me in Vegas, the guy I was telling you a few weeks ago, first he interviewed me in L.A. So he got to meet Max, he got to meet Dylan, and I know you guys know them and the kind of guys they are.
00:44:54.000 They're great kids.
00:44:55.000 I actually say they're the two nicest guys I've ever hung with in my life.
00:44:59.000 They're so well adjusted.
00:45:00.000 I'm not talking about the rock band.
00:45:02.000 When they're on stage, they are who they are.
00:45:04.000 They're rock stars on stage.
00:45:05.000 That's who they are.
00:45:07.000 But when they're off stage, they're the most respectful, funny, nicest guys I've ever hung with.
00:45:13.000 Not even as sons, just as guys, because they're both men now, 21 and 25. And to hang with them is like a privilege to me because they're just great guys.
00:45:24.000 They could hang. 0.99
00:45:24.000 They could talk to me about any fucking thing. 0.99
00:45:27.000 Imagine Dice being your dad. 1.00
00:45:28.000 No, but that's the beauty of them.
00:45:30.000 They know they could come to me with anything.
00:45:32.000 Of course.
00:45:33.000 They just recorded their first full album, okay?
00:45:37.000 So there's one song called I Gotta Have, and I call that the sex song. 0.71
00:45:43.000 Because it's all sexual.
00:45:44.000 All the words are sexual.
00:45:46.000 And Dylan writes all the songs.
00:45:48.000 So the night before he's going to record it, he comes over to me in the backyard with smoking a blunt, you know.
00:45:56.000 And he says, Dad, did you ever really hear the words, Do I Gotta Have?
00:46:00.000 Because we're going to record it tomorrow.
00:46:02.000 I go, well, in the clubs, it's hard to pick it all up because of the sound systems, you know.
00:46:06.000 So he does the words, and it's all sex.
00:46:09.000 And I go, it's perfect. 0.56
00:46:11.000 It couldn't be better.
00:46:12.000 I go, and what's beautiful about it, it's not filthy.
00:46:16.000 It's just sexual.
00:46:18.000 And that's a great thing coming from a 21-year-old because what should you be talking about?
00:46:23.000 Right.
00:46:24.000 You know what I mean?
00:46:24.000 That's all you know about.
00:46:25.000 But I'm saying, this guy got to meet my sons, hang with my sons, hang with Valerie, hang with Eleanor.
00:46:33.000 So he got to talk to me just one-on-one as a human being, and then after he sees me on stage in Vegas, it's like, why would you do that?
00:46:41.000 Now, who's Dice?
00:46:42.000 Who's Andrew?
00:46:43.000 I go, I've been, I've been, I'm sorry I ever took that name on.
00:46:47.000 You know, because it's like, it's the same guy.
00:46:50.000 I am from Brooklyn.
00:46:51.000 I do have an attitude.
00:46:53.000 I do smoke cigarettes. 1.00
00:46:55.000 You know, but I don't walk around my house, you know, grabbing my dick going, take that! 0.99
00:47:02.000 You know, it's a joke. 1.00
00:47:04.000 It's all a fucking joke. 0.99
00:47:07.000 I don't want to get mad. 1.00
00:47:08.000 It's too early in the day.
00:47:09.000 It's okay.
00:47:09.000 Don't get real mad.
00:47:10.000 But the TV show now, Dice, it is a hybrid.
00:47:15.000 You get to see different sides of who I am.
00:47:19.000 But are they trying to say, now that you're doing these big movies and you're doing TV shows, like you're on that vinyl show too, right?
00:47:26.000 You get all these legit acting gigs.
00:47:28.000 And these legit acting gigs...
00:47:30.000 They're saying, why would you go back to what you do best and what everybody loves you from?
00:47:35.000 Because I never stopped doing it.
00:47:36.000 But think about how crazy that is.
00:47:38.000 People love you for this one thing.
00:47:40.000 Think of Robin Williams.
00:47:41.000 Didn't Robin Williams continue a stand-up career?
00:47:43.000 Didn't Richard Pryor continue a stand-up career?
00:47:45.000 Robin Williams took a long time off, didn't he?
00:47:47.000 No, but even Eddie Murphy did the stand-up to whatever happened to him.
00:47:51.000 But even when he started doing the big movies, he was still doing concert films as a stand-up.
00:47:56.000 What's wrong with doing your first love?
00:47:59.000 Well, not only that.
00:48:00.000 What's wrong with doing it when, you know, that's what people want to see?
00:48:03.000 It's just bizarre that people would decide that the movie thing is more legit.
00:48:09.000 You know?
00:48:10.000 It's like what everybody's really going for.
00:48:12.000 Well, you know, I love acting.
00:48:15.000 I've always loved acting.
00:48:16.000 That's why I even got on stage as a comic.
00:48:19.000 Because I didn't want to go to acting school once a week.
00:48:22.000 I wanted everyday training.
00:48:24.000 So I put together the act that you brought up earlier with Jerry Lewis and to Travolta.
00:48:29.000 And I took that all the way up to doing Don Kirshner's rock concert.
00:48:34.000 And...
00:48:35.000 After that, I was thinking, well, you know, at that time, a lot of directors would come in to the comedy stores.
00:48:41.000 As a matter of fact, the first movie I didn't get, but I got close to, was the movie Diner, you know, that Barry Levinson directed.
00:48:51.000 And he saw me at that, but now I was on stage being dicey.
00:48:55.000 So this guy flies me to New York.
00:48:58.000 He puts me in a school to learn the Boston accent with a teacher, and I was killing with the part. 1.00
00:49:08.000 And obviously I didn't get it in the end, but that's why I'd be on at the Comedy Store, because I just wanted to hone acting chops.
00:49:17.000 And then I finally did get, you know, Michael Mann when he did Crime Story, which was thrilling to me.
00:49:23.000 You know, to be in a show with guys, Kevin Spacey, David Caruso. 0.98
00:49:29.000 And you were fucking great. 0.97
00:49:31.000 Crime Story was a great show. 1.00
00:49:33.000 What's in your mouth, Joey?
00:49:34.000 Piece of gum.
00:49:36.000 I thought you threw another one in there.
00:49:37.000 No, I threw another one in before I got on the 101. You gotta loosen up the stress.
00:49:41.000 You gotta pop another star.
00:49:43.000 The actors that were on that show, you know, that was Dennis Farina.
00:49:47.000 That was Tony Dennison.
00:49:49.000 But, you know, when you're working with guys like Kevin Spacey, who was already starting to get known, and, you know, just everybody.
00:49:56.000 Michael Madsen.
00:49:58.000 You know, just Ted Levine.
00:50:00.000 You know, the Buffalo Bill... 0.99
00:50:02.000 You know, he's done a million movies, but the most famous is, you know, with Clarice, whatever the fuck. 0.97
00:50:08.000 You told me that story about how you got... 0.98
00:50:11.000 Crime story.
00:50:12.000 And that's everything I do in an audition now. 0.99
00:50:15.000 How you fucked around when the camera was rolling. 0.99
00:50:17.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:50:17.000 They called you while you were at Rascals and told you you got it. 1.00
00:50:20.000 No, no, I got it.
00:50:21.000 What happened is I got it five months later.
00:50:23.000 What happened, I went to read for Bonnie Timmerman, you know, and I figured Michael Mann would be there, you know, like, you know, watching, but he's not there and she's just filming it.
00:50:32.000 So I get mad at Michael.
00:50:34.000 So I start talking into the camera because I was reading for the gangsters.
00:50:38.000 Right.
00:50:38.000 And I'm like, oh, so you're a tough guy.
00:50:40.000 You don't have to show up for a fucking audition? 0.99
00:50:42.000 What's your problem? 1.00
00:50:43.000 I'm not big enough for you to sit in an office and watch?
00:50:46.000 Okay, so after three days of not hearing anything, you figure, all right, I didn't get this part.
00:50:52.000 Five months later, I was visiting in New York, and my mother's waking me up going, your agent called three times already from William Morris.
00:51:00.000 You got to call back.
00:51:01.000 You know?
00:51:02.000 So I call her up.
00:51:04.000 And I'm having coffee with my mother, but what I'm hearing in the phone, I can't believe.
00:51:09.000 She goes, you got booked on the show Crime Story, five seasons.
00:51:14.000 You know, and this is what the pay is.
00:51:17.000 I think the pay started me at like $2,500 an episode.
00:51:20.000 Guaranteed 7 out of 13. ABC. You know, and I'm looking at my mother.
00:51:26.000 She's like, everything alright?
00:51:27.000 You know, is everything okay?
00:51:28.000 And I hang up.
00:51:29.000 I go, I just got a TV series.
00:51:31.000 I gotta go to Chicago Sunday night.
00:51:33.000 NBC. Oh, is that?
00:51:35.000 Alright, I'm sorry. 0.98
00:51:35.000 After Miami motherfucking Vice. 0.98
00:51:37.000 Are you kidding me? 1.00
00:51:38.000 Who does that shit? 1.00
00:51:39.000 That was nuts. 1.00
00:51:40.000 So it was paying off the acting.
00:51:42.000 You know, and then I did the movie Casual Sex near the end of that.
00:51:46.000 And then the Rodney special aired.
00:51:48.000 And that was it. 0.99
00:51:50.000 I still remember Joe Rogan being in a motherfucking halfway house. 0.99
00:51:54.000 And I had furloughs. 0.98
00:51:56.000 Okay?
00:51:57.000 And they said to me, the new rule is you can't go out on New Year's Eve, even if you have furloughs.
00:52:04.000 So they had conference rooms at the halfway house.
00:52:07.000 Right.
00:52:08.000 And I said, let me ask you guys a question.
00:52:10.000 What can I do in the conference room on New Year's Eve?
00:52:13.000 And they said, nothing. 0.96
00:52:14.000 I go, what if I fucking rent it? 0.99
00:52:17.000 And they go, you can rent it. 0.97
00:52:18.000 What do you want to offer us? 0.98
00:52:19.000 I go, a hundred bucks, and I want the air conditioner on all fucking night. 0.98
00:52:24.000 Because they always turn the air conditioner off. 0.99
00:52:26.000 I fucking put the air on, I brought, there was a TV in there, and I rented a VCR. And I told all the invics, I go, what are you guys going to do? 1.00
00:52:35.000 Sit in your fucking rooms? 1.00
00:52:36.000 Or you go watch this comedian, Andrew Dyson? 1.00
00:52:38.000 Nobody knew who he was.
00:52:39.000 That's crazy.
00:52:40.000 Nobody knew who he was. 1.00
00:52:41.000 And I threw the fucking VHS in. 0.99
00:52:45.000 And that's what I did for New Year's Eve. 0.99
00:52:47.000 And at that moment, I knew I got to do this.
00:52:50.000 Yeah, that's what you told me when you came to L.A. when I first met you.
00:52:53.000 Would you like to buy a flower for the lady? 1.00
00:52:55.000 And he goes, yeah, so I could plant it in your ass. 1.00
00:52:58.000 I was crying not from funny. 1.00
00:53:02.000 I was crying because I had those thoughts.
00:53:04.000 This was the voice that was living in my head when I walked around and I saw somebody and people were like, oh, look at that lady's dress. 1.00
00:53:10.000 I'm like, she's a fucking dirty fucking cunt. 1.00
00:53:13.000 You know what I'm saying? 1.00
00:53:14.000 But that's the voice I had in my head.
00:53:16.000 So when I watched Dice...
00:53:19.000 You're saying this is just a beautiful, poetic thing.
00:53:22.000 She's in 30 Conway FC. This is the voice.
00:53:24.000 You have no fucking idea the voices. 0.99
00:53:27.000 I was living in Boulder amongst Gentiles with slippers that thought the world was beautiful. 1.00
00:53:32.000 And in the back of my head, I had this inner voice that would always look at people and judge and go, look at this fucking Jamoak. 0.99
00:53:39.000 With his fucking Birkensox. 1.00
00:53:41.000 I bet his wife's a vegan. 1.00
00:53:43.000 The pH is off in her pussy. 1.00
00:53:45.000 When they're vegans, the pH is... 1.00
00:53:47.000 The pussy smells like a carrot. 1.00
00:53:48.000 You know what I'm saying? 1.00
00:53:49.000 It smells like fucking grass. 1.00
00:53:51.000 Because they're vegans, the pH is off. 1.00
00:53:54.000 So I would sit there and say...
00:53:55.000 I would say all these dirty things in my mind.
00:53:58.000 So the first time I saw you at that halfway house, I knew, I gotta do this, try it. 0.99
00:54:04.000 Because this guy, he's doing me.
00:54:07.000 This guy's doing the guy that's living in my head.
00:54:09.000 This was who he was.
00:54:11.000 It's good to know.
00:54:13.000 It's good to know about all the inmates around the country.
00:54:16.000 Well, if there's more inmates like Joey, we just got to figure out how to get him out, calm him down.
00:54:20.000 Well, I remember when I met Joey, and he goes, you know, the back steps.
00:54:24.000 He goes, I'm here because of you.
00:54:26.000 That's why I'm doing this.
00:54:27.000 And that's a compliment to me.
00:54:30.000 You know, it's like, wow. 0.95
00:54:32.000 All bullshit aside, you were at the front of the line for free speech for comedians. 0.98
00:54:37.000 People can decide whatever. 0.99
00:54:40.000 No, it's offensive.
00:54:41.000 No, it's this.
00:54:42.000 No, it's that.
00:54:42.000 At the end of the day, it's a kind of art.
00:54:45.000 And you might not like it, but I'm not asking you to go listen to gangster rap either. 0.99
00:54:49.000 You listen to whatever the fuck you want to listen to. 0.98
00:54:51.000 I'm not saying you should go see a mob movie and watch a hundred people get shot up. 0.99
00:54:55.000 But if you want to do that, you should be allowed to do that.
00:54:57.000 And somebody should be allowed to make that movie.
00:54:59.000 You know what?
00:54:59.000 Yeah, 100%.
00:55:01.000 People like it.
00:55:01.000 I love the people.
00:55:02.000 I've been getting a lot of cool people coming to see me lately in Vegas.
00:55:09.000 I mean, it's like people I look up to that I like their music.
00:55:12.000 People have come way around.
00:55:14.000 Like this past weekend, Pitbull came with his whole show.
00:55:19.000 You brought 20 people to the show.
00:55:20.000 Oh, that's awesome.
00:55:21.000 And this guy's sitting there telling me, Dice, he goes, I was watching you before you made it.
00:55:28.000 Because I did, like, certain tapes that were out there, like, with Red Fox.
00:55:32.000 And he goes, I was watching you.
00:55:34.000 He knew when, in 87. And Rodney wasn't until 88. He goes, I saw you, like, before that.
00:55:40.000 So when they told me last night, they're taking me to see you, and this is what they call Mr. Worldwide.
00:55:46.000 He's unreal, this guy.
00:55:48.000 It blows my mind, the kind of people that...
00:55:52.000 He was seven years old watching me. 1.00
00:55:55.000 That's like crazy shit. 1.00
00:55:58.000 Bruno Mars a few weeks ago. 1.00
00:56:00.000 And these are people I look up to that I love their work.
00:56:05.000 How many seats is that place, the Laugh Factor, in Vegas?
00:56:08.000 Oh, it's small.
00:56:09.000 It's 340. Oh, that's nice.
00:56:11.000 And now, you know, I'll come back there in April, and then in May, they're putting me in the big showroom.
00:56:16.000 But I told Harry Basil, I said, you know, I'll go in the big showroom for that night.
00:56:21.000 I don't care, but I'd rather work...
00:56:24.000 Three nights for the same money in the small room than get more money in the big room.
00:56:31.000 Yeah.
00:56:31.000 I go, because I love being on top of the people.
00:56:34.000 I'm not out...
00:56:34.000 I mean, there are certain big things that are now coming my way.
00:56:38.000 There is talk about going into the garden in September again because...
00:56:43.000 I sort of owe that to myself and the fans, you know, because things have built to this crescendo again.
00:56:49.000 So it's like, why not?
00:56:50.000 And plus, my sons could be there and see it all come down.
00:56:55.000 And that's thrilling for me because I feel the reason they're doing really well now is because I teach them by example how to go after something.
00:57:04.000 And about eight years ago when I had to start gambling again just to pay my mortgage, you know, I would tell my sons...
00:57:13.000 You had to start gambling to pay your mortgage?
00:57:15.000 Yeah, because I just wasn't making enough money in the gigs.
00:57:18.000 You know, so I quit gambling for ten years.
00:57:21.000 What kind of gambling?
00:57:23.000 Blackjack.
00:57:23.000 Are you just really good at it?
00:57:25.000 Well, I had 30 grand.
00:57:27.000 Long story short, I turned it into a million one-fifty in a couple days.
00:57:32.000 Okay?
00:57:32.000 And I only play alone.
00:57:34.000 That's how I play blackjack.
00:57:36.000 And, you know, I was nice enough to give a lot of it back, you know, over time, but that's what gambling is.
00:57:44.000 But through these last few years of building up again, you know, trust me, Woody Allen didn't go, I want you in my movie, here's a couple million dollars.
00:57:53.000 It doesn't work like that.
00:57:55.000 But it was an honor to do a movie for him, so I still had to do the gambling, and I ended the gambling with getting all the money for them to record their album.
00:58:07.000 Because, you know, it's still not ridiculous figures.
00:58:10.000 I'm paying back taxes.
00:58:12.000 I'm taking care of things that take a few years to take care of.
00:58:16.000 But I also knew rock and roll was coming, you know, with vinyl and roadies and Guns N' Roses back together and now Jethro Tull.
00:58:25.000 And all these great rock bands are coming back, so I wanted my boys prepared.
00:58:29.000 So I gambled till I got every dime I needed For them to record, like I would call Dylan from Vegas and go, book another week in the studio.
00:58:39.000 It's handled.
00:58:41.000 And then I stopped.
00:58:43.000 Just done.
00:58:44.000 Because now I am doing well again.
00:58:47.000 I'm doing concert tours.
00:58:48.000 It's happening now.
00:58:49.000 How long did you gamble for?
00:58:51.000 Well, this last run was about eight years.
00:58:55.000 That is hilarious.
00:58:56.000 But you did it profitable.
00:58:58.000 Yeah, I would lose, like any gambler.
00:59:01.000 And they show gambling in Dice the show, you know, because it's a hybrid of my life.
00:59:06.000 But you use that as a strategy to figure out how to make money.
00:59:09.000 That's hilarious.
00:59:10.000 Well, you know what?
00:59:11.000 You know, when my back's against the wall, you know, when my back is against the wall, you know, the bottom line is I'm always going to take care of my family.
00:59:19.000 That's the way it is.
00:59:20.000 And I do what I have to do, you know, to handle those things.
00:59:25.000 You know, so, I mean, you know, Bruce over here would say, don't gamble, this and that.
00:59:29.000 You know, but, you know, I've helped him out.
00:59:33.000 I helped everybody out that needed the help when we needed it.
00:59:36.000 And now we're doing good, so I just stopped.
00:59:38.000 That's just a crazy thing to plan on.
00:59:41.000 To try to make money by gambling.
00:59:44.000 Well, you know, the bottom line is, when you sit down to gamble, number one, I only play alone with a dealer.
00:59:49.000 And you only play blackjack.
00:59:50.000 And only blackjack.
00:59:51.000 So it's just you and the dealer, that's it.
00:59:53.000 But whatever you put up in front of you, the only way to win is you've got to be willing to lose every penny in front of you with no fear to beat them.
01:00:03.000 And a lot of the times I won, and a lot of the times I'd walk out of there not winning.
01:00:10.000 But it's nothing I recommend.
01:00:12.000 You know, just like a performer, I had a certain feel for it.
01:00:16.000 You know, I mean, I could walk into a casino, you know.
01:00:19.000 I mean, years ago, I'd play, you know, half a million at a clip.
01:00:23.000 You know, that was years ago when I was doing, like, the arena shows.
01:00:26.000 You could gamble, like, a half million dollars a night?
01:00:29.000 I could win or lose a half a million in a half hour.
01:00:31.000 Oh, my God.
01:00:32.000 You know, there was a day I lost a half a million by noon, and by five in the afternoon, I won it all back, plus another 55,000.
01:00:40.000 It was plays like that.
01:00:42.000 But now it was more about win 10 grand, which to me is pretty simple to do.
01:00:48.000 You know, because I'm so used to playing gigantic figures from years ago.
01:00:52.000 So if I lose, if I sit down at a table of five grand and I'm down 2,500, I'm not gonna sweat that.
01:00:59.000 Right.
01:00:59.000 Because I know I could get that back in 30 seconds.
01:01:02.000 Right.
01:01:02.000 You know, most of the time I would.
01:01:04.000 You know?
01:01:05.000 So you win 10 grand, you call your kids, you go book the studio.
01:01:08.000 Let's get it done.
01:01:10.000 Joey, did you throw another one down?
01:01:11.000 No, no, no.
01:01:12.000 I gotta go.
01:01:13.000 I wish you a lot of luck.
01:01:14.000 I'll be there cheering for you on the 10th.
01:01:16.000 Thank you, Joey.
01:01:16.000 You know I love you.
01:01:17.000 Got it.
01:01:18.000 You're the reason I'm here.
01:01:18.000 Thank you for being here.
01:01:19.000 Mazel tov.
01:01:20.000 Thank you.
01:01:20.000 I'll see you Monday for lunch.
01:01:22.000 All right.
01:01:22.000 For 12 o'clock.
01:01:23.000 Jamie, I love you.
01:01:24.000 You want to sit?
01:01:25.000 Thank you to the Joe Rogan.
01:01:26.000 Where are you at this week?
01:01:27.000 I'm in Brea, so...
01:01:28.000 I'm in Boston.
01:01:30.000 I'm doing the Wilbur.
01:01:31.000 Friday and Saturday night.
01:01:32.000 I love you too, brother.
01:01:32.000 I don't want to make this short, but I've got to do these interviews.
01:01:36.000 I could sit with you.
01:01:37.000 We've done three hours.
01:01:38.000 We could do it again anytime.
01:01:40.000 I will come here anytime.
01:01:42.000 You're the best.
01:01:43.000 You're the best.
01:01:43.000 And Joey, thank you again.
01:01:45.000 For me, it's an honor.
01:01:46.000 For real.
01:01:48.000 Dice the TV show.
01:01:49.000 Give me a pound.
01:01:51.000 You're the best.
01:01:52.000 All right, folks.
01:01:53.000 See you soon.
01:01:56.000 That was great.
01:01:57.000 Another great...
01:01:57.000 It's always great with him.
01:01:58.000 Yeah, that was fun.