The Joe Rogan Experience - March 28, 2016


Joe Rogan Experience #778 - Ari Shaffir

Topics
eye pokes in MMA hey siri Virtue Signal Dr. Hoggly Woggly's barbecue Komodo dragons Trump Hillary Clinton speeches Megan Kelly Donald Trump Disney Magic Band drone strikes bureaucracy government waste Ruslan Provodnikov Nate Diaz fight at 170 Nate Diaz Muay Thai clinch work internet changed the game Charlie's Angels ashtrays
Hosted by
Joe Rogan
Guests
Ari Shaffir
Mentioned
Nate Diaz Donald Trump Jose Aldo Frankie Edgar Hillary Clinton Bernie Sanders Ray Mercer Tim Sylvia Jamie Fought Anderson Conor McGregor Chuck Liddell Max Holloway Megan Kelly Santa Claus Muay Thai Fucking Hershey Josh Thompson Holly Holm Herb Dean and 130 more
Joe Rogan Experience #777 - Brian Redban Joe Rogan Experience #779 - Andrew Dice Clay & Joey Diaz

Episode Stats


Length

2 hours and 42 minutes

Words per minute

212.01

Word count

34,406

Sentence count

4,627

Harmful content

Misogyny

165

sentences flagged

Toxicity

1,024

sentences flagged

Hate speech

60

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

In this episode, the boys talk about a variety of topics ranging from childhood trauma to the dark side of the internet, and everything in between. The boys also talk about how they met and fell in love with Ari Shaffir and how they became friends, and what it was like growing up with him as a kid. They also discuss what it's like to be a boy in the 80's and 90's, and why it's okay to have sex with young boys. We hope you enjoy this episode and that you enjoy listening to it with your friends, family, and co-workers! If you like what you hear, please HIT SUBSCRIBE and leave us a rating and review on Apple Podcasts! Also, if you like the episode, please leave a review and tell us what you think about it in the comments section below! Timestamps: 0:00 - What's the worst thing you ve ever done with your kid? 6:20 - What would you do with a friend or family member? 8:30 - How do you feel about a friend you care about? 9:40 - What does it feel like to fuck a young boy? 11:15 - Is it okay to fuck someone younger than you? 12:00 13:00- What is it normal to fuck young boys? 16:30- How old is too old to fuck other people? 17:15- What do you think you should fuck a little bit? 18:20- What are you fuck a girl? 19:40- Is it normal? 21:30 22:15 23: How old should you fuck someone else? 26: Is it a good idea? 27:40 28:20 29:30 Is sex a good thing? 30:30 What's a boy fuck you fuck you in a good day? 31:00 Is it wrong? 35:00 Do you like sex? 32:00 How old? 33:30 Do you think a girl fuck you like it? ? 34: Is sex better than a boy? 35:10 36:00 Can you fuck me? 37: Does it get better than that? 39:30 Can I fuck a boy better? 41:00 What do I fuck you more? 45:00 Are you a boy or not?

Transcript

Transcripts from "The Joe Rogan Experience" are sourced from the Knowledge Fight Interactive Search Tool. Explore them interactively here.
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Toxicity classifications generated with s-nlp/roberta_toxicity_classifier .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
Topics generated with Qwen2.5-3B-Instruct.
Hosts, guests, and mentioned names generated with spaCy (en_core_web_sm), reconciled against Wikidata.
00:00:00.000 By yourself in a house.
00:00:01.000 Like, you should be serious to think about buying a house.
00:00:05.000 Jamie or me?
00:00:06.000 You.
00:00:06.000 Oh.
00:00:08.000 Yes! 1.00
00:00:10.000 Ari Shaffir in the fucking house. 1.00
00:00:12.000 Put the headphones on so we feel like we're doing something. 1.00
00:00:14.000 There we go.
00:00:15.000 Where are they?
00:00:16.000 These headphones make a difference.
00:00:17.000 It's so much easier without my glasses.
00:00:19.000 They used to pinch me.
00:00:20.000 Oh, that's right.
00:00:21.000 It would crush my ears.
00:00:22.000 You went and got your eyes cut on.
00:00:24.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:00:25.000 They put a fucking laser right to your eyeball and they go, don't look at it. 0.99
00:00:29.000 I'm like, it's an eyebrow. 1.00
00:00:31.000 Oh, wow.
00:00:32.000 Because you're looking at him.
00:00:33.000 I'm like, I know I'm looking at it!
00:00:34.000 It's right in my eyeball!
00:00:35.000 So, what do you have to do?
00:00:36.000 Look straight ahead, and so they come in, but then it's like, as it gets right next to your eye, slightly to the left.
00:00:43.000 Like, it goes to the outside of the black part, you know? 0.93
00:00:47.000 How do they keep your eyeballs open from blinking?
00:00:50.000 What's it called, style?
00:00:51.000 Like a speculum?
00:00:52.000 Yeah, but what's that movie?
00:00:54.000 Clockwork orange?
00:00:55.000 Clockwork orange, yeah, they do that to you.
00:00:56.000 Oh no, really?
00:00:58.000 They keep hitting you with drops to wet it.
00:00:59.000 Oh my god, that's crazy.
00:01:00.000 But they peel back the layer like a grape, you know, like the shell of a grape.
00:01:04.000 How does that feel?
00:01:05.000 Nothing.
00:01:06.000 Doesn't feel like anything?
00:01:07.000 You can't really feel it.
00:01:08.000 Later it feels like, because it's like a slight scar that has to heal, but you're not used to having a scar between your eyelid and your eyeball.
00:01:16.000 So it feels like a piece of sand is in there.
00:01:18.000 And they're like, do not rub it.
00:01:20.000 There's no sand in there.
00:01:21.000 Just don't rub it. 1.00
00:01:22.000 Eyeballs are some fucking serious shit. 1.00
00:01:24.000 It's one of the most disturbing things to me about MMA is eye pokes. 1.00
00:01:29.000 When guys get eye poked, it's almost like I'd rather see a guy get hit real hard than get eye poked.
00:01:35.000 That was the worst thing on Game of Thrones.
00:01:38.000 Oh God.
00:01:39.000 That dude freaking crushed him with two eyeballs.
00:01:41.000 Spoiler alert.
00:01:42.000 Whatever.
00:01:43.000 Spoiler alert.
00:01:44.000 You can't spoil it stuff that's five years old.
00:01:46.000 Ah!
00:01:46.000 It's not out loud anymore.
00:01:48.000 How many years is that show?
00:01:49.000 That season was like three or four years old.
00:01:51.000 That dude who got smushed was badass.
00:01:53.000 Badass!
00:01:53.000 I want him to win so bad!
00:01:55.000 He had so much going for him.
00:01:56.000 So much!
00:01:57.000 And he was going to get revenge finally?
00:01:58.000 Yeah.
00:01:59.000 He had flair.
00:02:00.000 He had technique. 0.55
00:02:01.000 He was bisexual. 0.88
00:02:04.000 Should've made his...
00:02:04.000 Should've made his...
00:02:04.000 Should've made his...
00:02:04.000 Should've made his...
00:02:04.000 Bisexual, yeah.
00:02:05.000 But proudly bi.
00:02:06.000 But they all were back then, man. 1.00
00:02:08.000 People just fucked everybody back then. 0.99
00:02:10.000 Yeah. 0.98
00:02:10.000 I mean, there's like... 0.98
00:02:12.000 There's so much of a different world. 0.99
00:02:14.000 If we think about what the Romans did and what all these different cultures did, they were fucking each other, fucking young boys. 1.00
00:02:23.000 Young boys, it was normal for guys to fuck young boys. 1.00
00:02:27.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:02:27.000 Like, what the hell? 1.00
00:02:29.000 Yeah, better world, right? 0.60
00:02:30.000 Yeah. 0.96
00:02:32.000 It's fucking strange when you go back and you listen like it was Plato, right? 0.97
00:02:36.000 Plato was one of the big ones. 1.00
00:02:37.000 One of the big boy fuckers? 1.00
00:02:38.000 Wasn't he? 1.00
00:02:39.000 Wasn't Plato a boy?
00:02:41.000 I think Plato was a soldier.
00:02:44.000 He was like a warrior, like an accomplished warrior as well.
00:02:48.000 And then became a philosopher?
00:02:49.000 Mm-hmm. 0.97
00:02:50.000 Yeah, if I'm remembering this story correctly, which we're pretty fucking iris. 0.90
00:02:53.000 Which is probably wrong, yeah. 0.81
00:02:55.000 Pretty high right now.
00:02:56.000 And it's a wake and bake day.
00:02:58.000 Pederasty?
00:02:59.000 Have you heard that term?
00:03:00.000 Yes.
00:03:01.000 Pederast.
00:03:01.000 I've heard of pederast.
00:03:02.000 What is that?
00:03:02.000 When I googled him in boys, that's what comes up.
00:03:04.000 What is a pederast? 1.00
00:03:06.000 It means someone who likes to fuck young boys. 1.00
00:03:07.000 Alright. 1.00
00:03:10.000 It's bizarre that that was really commonplace amongst very respected intellectuals at one point in human history. 0.99
00:03:18.000 Yeah, Plato didn't lose his fucking subway campaign. 0.99
00:03:21.000 Hopefully. 0.99
00:03:22.000 Hopefully.
00:03:24.000 You know, he could go on being one of the most respected philosophers in history.
00:03:27.000 Yeah, you don't take it away if they're dead and it's a long time ago.
00:03:32.000 Well, I mean, we should, right?
00:03:33.000 Because they had a lot to contribute.
00:03:35.000 We should accept aberrant behavior, but we should also maybe look at it as a sign of...
00:03:41.000 There's some massive advancement in understanding about human beings, about the consequences of sexual abuse, all those things.
00:03:51.000 I don't think they really had enough time to live to figure things out enough.
00:03:57.000 Everyone was dead at 30, right? 0.88
00:03:59.000 Yeah, they're like, this is going to fuck them up as adults. 0.97
00:04:00.000 I'm like, wait, what? 1.00
00:04:01.000 Think of how fucking stupid this country is, right? 1.00
00:04:04.000 Think of how ridiculous we are. 1.00
00:04:05.000 If we look at each other as a collective, when you find out things that people get upset with. 0.88
00:04:09.000 Something I tweeted today about, was it Chase?
00:04:12.000 Whatever bank it was.
00:04:14.000 They wouldn't allow a guy's check. 0.99
00:04:16.000 They canceled his check because he wrote Dash on it, which is his fucking dog's name, Dash. 0.98
00:04:23.000 And they thought Dash was too close to an Islamic word, which is like D-A-E-S-A. Where did he write it on it? 0.99
00:04:30.000 He wrote it on a check! 1.00
00:04:31.000 Like, to his fucking dog! 1.00
00:04:32.000 Like, where's his money going? 1.00
00:04:33.000 Note to sell.
00:04:34.000 Dog.
00:04:34.000 Like, maybe his dog got...
00:04:35.000 Oh, on the memo part?
00:04:37.000 Some part of it.
00:04:38.000 Like, pull it up, Jamie.
00:04:40.000 They thought it was an Islamic name.
00:04:42.000 That was the reason they...
00:04:43.000 Why can't you send something to a guy named Ahmed?
00:04:46.000 Exactly!
00:04:46.000 What, if the guy's name is Muhammad?
00:04:48.000 Are we fucked now? 0.98
00:04:49.000 How does Muhammad Ali get his checks? 0.99
00:04:52.000 What happens?
00:04:53.000 Look at this.
00:04:53.000 Bank freezes online payment over Doug's terrorist-sounding name.
00:04:58.000 Can you scroll it so we can see what the words are?
00:05:01.000 It's hurting my brain.
00:05:02.000 I have a picture of it right here.
00:05:03.000 I was trying to find the picture.
00:05:04.000 And here's the young man.
00:05:06.000 Oh, he's wheelchaired up.
00:05:07.000 Yeah, I think he's got...
00:05:09.000 That makes him get more sympathy for sure.
00:05:11.000 What was his disease, Jamie?
00:05:14.000 I want to see, yeah, multiple sclerosis.
00:05:17.000 He was transferring money from his Chase account to his dog walker.
00:05:20.000 So he put the nine-year-old Pitbull's moniker, Dash, in the memo line. 0.99
00:05:24.000 Because it's to pay for his fucking dog walker. 0.99
00:05:27.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:05:27.000 And it's too much like D-A-E-S-H, the Arabic term for self-described Islamic State. 1.00
00:05:33.000 That's their word for ISIS. Yes.
00:05:36.000 I guess. 1.00
00:05:36.000 But it's not the same word, you fucks! 1.00
00:05:40.000 That's like... 0.99
00:05:42.000 You can't write nagger.
00:05:44.000 Explain what that means.
00:05:45.000 Someone's a nagger. 0.97
00:05:45.000 You can't write that. 0.97
00:05:46.000 Oh, is it because they don't want him donating money to ISIS? And he's like, oh, hold on.
00:05:51.000 Yes, exactly.
00:05:52.000 They thought for some reason that that was a red flag.
00:05:56.000 Are you not allowed to give money to ISIS? I don't think you're allowed.
00:06:00.000 Look, it says it flagged a payment, which placed a note on Francis' account asking him to explain what Dash means.
00:06:08.000 Explain yourself, son. 0.99
00:06:09.000 God damn it. 1.00
00:06:10.000 Soldiers died. 0.99
00:06:11.000 But it's not the same word.
00:06:13.000 Like, think of how many words.
00:06:15.000 Day, die, I mean, what are we going to...
00:06:20.000 D-A-E-S-H is not the same as D-A-S-H, right?
00:06:25.000 Is that what it is?
00:06:25.000 D-A-E-S-H? Yeah.
00:06:27.000 It's just not the same word.
00:06:29.000 Like, we have combinations of words that are vastly different than just one extra letter.
00:06:34.000 Yes, it is a word.
00:06:35.000 And it means to go fast.
00:06:36.000 Everybody knows it. 1.00
00:06:38.000 It's so stupid. 1.00
00:06:39.000 I mean, you think... 1.00
00:06:40.000 There's so many different combinations that you could say are close.
00:06:45.000 Flagged, reviewed, and eventually released.
00:06:49.000 Out an hour?
00:06:51.000 What about that?
00:06:52.000 Are they the same thing?
00:06:53.000 Is it the same word?
00:06:54.000 Should we flag it?
00:06:56.000 Is it the same?
00:06:57.000 What do you mean?
00:06:58.000 Did you mean out or our?
00:06:59.000 I wrote out! 1.00
00:07:00.000 I wrote out, you fuck! 1.00
00:07:02.000 Well, yes, but we would like to know if you meant our. 1.00
00:07:04.000 Well, I would have wrote our. 1.00
00:07:07.000 I wrote out, you fucks. 0.99
00:07:08.000 Okay, that's cleared up, but I don't think you have to call us fucks. 0.99
00:07:11.000 Why are you contacting me? 0.94
00:07:13.000 This is not what you're supposed to do. 1.00
00:07:14.000 What you're supposed to do is pay my goddamn dog walker so I don't look like a dickhead. 1.00
00:07:17.000 And she's got to pay her fucking rent, and you ruined everything. 1.00
00:07:20.000 Sir, I understand you're upset, but if you could just calm down, we're trying to stop terrorism. 1.00
00:07:23.000 It's fucking the Rothschilds or some shit. 1.00
00:07:26.000 Chemtrails. 1.00
00:07:27.000 Sir, if you could watch your language, please.
00:07:28.000 Vaccines and 9-11. 0.99
00:07:30.000 All together with the fucking moon landing and Area 51. Huh. 0.99
00:07:36.000 Bullshit! 1.00
00:07:36.000 I want my fucking money! 1.00
00:07:40.000 Dash is a great dog! 1.00
00:07:42.000 You ever lose it on a customer service person like that? 1.00
00:07:44.000 Just fucking go nuts? 1.00
00:07:45.000 No, I'm not like that. 0.99
00:07:47.000 I try to be...
00:07:48.000 I hate those jobs.
00:07:49.000 I wouldn't want that job.
00:07:50.000 They don't want that job. 0.95
00:07:51.000 I know it's never their fault.
00:07:54.000 I try to be as nice as possible.
00:07:56.000 Some people are just so...
00:07:57.000 It's not even their fault.
00:07:58.000 Some people that you talk to, like customer service people, if it's for something shitty, like something that happens all the time, they're dealing with so many people that are complaining all the time.
00:08:09.000 Oh, right.
00:08:10.000 Non-stop.
00:08:11.000 I remember when Apple started with the iPhone.
00:08:14.000 Oh, yeah.
00:08:15.000 And you know how AT&T only had it?
00:08:17.000 Calls were getting dropped left and right, remember?
00:08:18.000 Because everybody got on there.
00:08:20.000 And I was like, what's the problem?
00:08:21.000 And I was like, hey, you must deal with a lot of calls about dropped calls, huh?
00:08:26.000 And it was like, it's a lot.
00:08:27.000 It's a lot of angry people.
00:08:28.000 I remember I had a guy talk me through some issue on my phone once.
00:08:32.000 I had to call a dude.
00:08:34.000 I don't remember what the exact issue was, but all my contacts went away.
00:08:37.000 I was like, what is going on here?
00:08:38.000 And he had to talk me through it and figure out how to get it back to the way it used to be and update things.
00:08:44.000 It was a nightmare.
00:08:45.000 But I remember the guy, I was like, dude, okay... 0.97
00:08:48.000 How much does this job suck? 0.55
00:08:49.000 I go, I'm not completely retarded, and you're trying to help me through this. 0.97
00:08:53.000 And I've built computers.
00:08:54.000 I mean, I've taken a motherboard, I've put it in, I put the heat sink in, and I've done all that added video cards.
00:09:02.000 I know a little bit about computers.
00:09:04.000 I mean, I'm not like a computer wizard, but more than the average retard, right? 1.00
00:09:09.000 And I was barely figuring it out.
00:09:11.000 I was like, okay, I gotta go back.
00:09:13.000 I gotta delete.
00:09:14.000 What do I do?
00:09:14.000 I start fresh?
00:09:15.000 Okay, I go to my backup.
00:09:17.000 I have a backup.
00:09:17.000 Where's the back with the key log?
00:09:19.000 Yeah, I'm like, where did they go?
00:09:20.000 Where did all my contacts go?
00:09:22.000 Why'd they get chewed up? 0.99
00:09:24.000 I don't know anybody's fuck. 0.99
00:09:25.000 I don't know your number. 1.00
00:09:26.000 You have the same number forever. 1.00
00:09:27.000 I don't know what the fuck it is. 0.99
00:09:28.000 I just look at my phone. 0.99
00:09:29.000 I find your number and I call you.
00:09:32.000 But I remember talking to the guy going, like, what is this like, man?
00:09:35.000 He's like, dude, I can't even describe it.
00:09:38.000 He's like, people call up, you're like, have you ever even seen, have you have a phone? 0.99
00:09:42.000 Or are you just crazy? 0.93
00:09:44.000 He says to them? 1.00
00:09:45.000 He wants to say to them.
00:09:46.000 Like, do you know how to work anything?
00:09:47.000 Because then he's got to be like, okay, um, did you turn it on?
00:09:51.000 I turned it on!
00:09:52.000 But the phone's black!
00:09:54.000 Oh! 0.60
00:09:55.000 I saw somebody at an airport doing that on the call.
00:09:57.000 I was like, I don't understand.
00:09:58.000 How do you get the thing to send?
00:10:00.000 And I want to be like, hey lady, that send button at the bottom is what you're looking for.
00:10:03.000 Sometimes it talks to me!
00:10:06.000 That's Siri, ma'am.
00:10:09.000 What is Siri?
00:10:11.000 What is Siri?
00:10:12.000 Is it important what they're saying?
00:10:14.000 Did you say, hey Siri? 0.99
00:10:16.000 What the fuck are you saying? 1.00
00:10:17.000 I don't know what I said! 1.00
00:10:19.000 The phone is talking to me!
00:10:21.000 There's a bigger issue.
00:10:26.000 When you say, hey Siri, if you have hey Siri on, like me saying this right now over and over again, people right now all across the world are yelling at me.
00:10:34.000 They get mad.
00:10:35.000 They get mad.
00:10:36.000 What do you want, really?
00:10:36.000 Because your phone starts talking to you.
00:10:38.000 Like it happened to me when I was in my car listening to a podcast of us talking about hey Siri.
00:10:47.000 My phone went off because the podcast said, hey Siri.
00:10:50.000 So my phone started asking me, what can I do for you?
00:10:53.000 I was like, oh my god, this is ridiculous.
00:10:55.000 And sometimes it starts transcribing things. 1.00
00:10:58.000 Sometimes like, hey Siri will activate and then it'll transcribe a whole list of shit that you're saying. 0.99
00:11:05.000 Wow. 1.00
00:11:06.000 Yeah.
00:11:06.000 And like, what do you do?
00:11:07.000 That's not my question.
00:11:08.000 Like, hey Siri thinks you have like a four paragraph long question for it.
00:11:12.000 So you're just like, oh.
00:11:13.000 Hey Siri, look up hardcore black on white pornography.
00:11:16.000 Not while I'm at work!
00:11:18.000 At work I'm a different person!
00:11:20.000 At work, I don't even care about those things!
00:11:25.000 Not while I'm at work!
00:11:29.000 At work I wear a suit and I have very special behavior!
00:11:36.000 I'm a different person here.
00:11:37.000 I'm a different person!
00:11:39.000 I used to wear my yamaka to my law firm I worked at as like a 17, 18 year old.
00:11:44.000 And then I would take it off.
00:11:48.000 What would I do?
00:11:50.000 A lot of guys, lawyers, would come in and take their yarmulke off as soon as I got in because they wanted to blend in.
00:11:55.000 But I would keep mine on, whatever.
00:11:56.000 But the next year, I lost my religion.
00:11:58.000 And then I didn't want to explain to everybody that I wasn't religious anymore.
00:12:02.000 So I would come in, put my yarmulke on, and then as soon as I left, I would just take it off again.
00:12:09.000 Ooh, that's a good move.
00:12:10.000 Yeah, for a whole summer.
00:12:11.000 That's a better move than explaining it.
00:12:13.000 Yeah.
00:12:13.000 Explaining it is a lot of work.
00:12:15.000 To every person, it's the same explanation.
00:12:18.000 But if you worked in a small office with people that you really liked, it wouldn't be that big.
00:12:22.000 No, if it was four or five people, you'd do it at once. 0.94
00:12:24.000 Hey guys, sorry, I realize that was all bullshit. 0.98
00:12:28.000 Hey Hebrew fella, where's your special hat? 0.97
00:12:33.000 We had a lady follow us up once on the elevator. 1.00
00:12:35.000 Telling you about Jesus?
00:12:37.000 We were like, what floor?
00:12:38.000 And she goes, do you accept the Lord Jesus Christ as your personal savior?
00:12:40.000 Oh boy.
00:12:41.000 I don't know, but I don't know what floor that's on.
00:12:45.000 Jesus Christ, lady.
00:12:47.000 She wasn't even going there.
00:12:48.000 She followed us.
00:12:49.000 We were going for lunch.
00:12:50.000 She came back and followed us at the elevator. 0.98
00:12:52.000 And Jews don't do that. 0.71
00:12:53.000 What's worse, them or vegans? 0.97
00:12:56.000 Ooh.
00:12:58.000 Ooh.
00:12:59.000 Like for proselytizing.
00:13:00.000 Who hits you the hardest?
00:13:02.000 At the heart of it, the Jesus Freaks just want to help your soul. 0.86
00:13:07.000 Ooh, right.
00:13:07.000 Good call.
00:13:09.000 What do vegans want?
00:13:10.000 They want you to stop killing animals.
00:13:13.000 Yeah.
00:13:13.000 And now not at the heart of it, they both want to feel better than you.
00:13:16.000 Yes.
00:13:17.000 Yeah.
00:13:17.000 Yeah.
00:13:18.000 Michael Shermer calls it virtue signaling.
00:13:20.000 You met Michael Shermer?
00:13:21.000 Yeah, he's on the podcast.
00:13:23.000 Oh, he's the best.
00:13:23.000 Yeah, he was on a couple weeks ago.
00:13:25.000 Great guy.
00:13:26.000 Wow.
00:13:27.000 Real nice guy.
00:13:27.000 Like, very fun to talk to.
00:13:29.000 Wise man.
00:13:31.000 Yeah.
00:13:31.000 But he calls it virtue signaling.
00:13:33.000 It's a great way to describe it.
00:13:34.000 What does that mean?
00:13:34.000 You're signaling to everyone that you have virtue by your actions.
00:13:37.000 You're peacocking your virtue.
00:13:39.000 Yeah.
00:13:40.000 You know?
00:13:41.000 And it annoys the fuck out of people.
00:13:44.000 Yeah. 0.97
00:13:44.000 It's gross. 0.97
00:13:45.000 It's gross, like, from all sorts of different standpoints.
00:13:48.000 Not just about your diet, but about a lot of different things.
00:13:52.000 Those new AA people are like that.
00:13:54.000 Mm-hmm.
00:13:54.000 Yeah, new AA people can be brutal.
00:13:56.000 People who fell in love.
00:13:57.000 Yoga people can be like that.
00:13:58.000 I've been guilty.
00:13:59.000 Really?
00:14:00.000 I've been guilty of that.
00:14:00.000 I'm annoying.
00:14:01.000 I just feel so clear now.
00:14:02.000 Yeah, I'm annoying with that.
00:14:04.000 Oh, you used to give me a gluten-free one for a little while.
00:14:07.000 Legit?
00:14:07.000 Yeah.
00:14:08.000 Here's what the gluten-free taught me.
00:14:10.000 I don't really have a tolerance problem to gluten, but gluten is essentially sugar.
00:14:15.000 When you're getting gluten, you're getting it from bread, and gluten's like a protein that comes from wheat. 0.99
00:14:21.000 Bread is fucking sugar. 1.00
00:14:23.000 It's sugar. 1.00
00:14:23.000 I go without sugar on Wednesdays. 1.00
00:14:26.000 Yeah.
00:14:26.000 And then Mike Vecchione was like, but you eat pizza?
00:14:29.000 And that just turns the sugar in your body. 0.99
00:14:30.000 I'm like, shut up, scientist. 0.99
00:14:32.000 I'm not talking about that. 0.99
00:14:35.000 I cut all that stuff out, too.
00:14:37.000 Bread?
00:14:38.000 Yeah.
00:14:38.000 No pizza?
00:14:39.000 Nope.
00:14:40.000 No, I don't eat it anymore.
00:14:41.000 You didn't eat that bread last night, Dr. Ugly Walkies. 0.74
00:14:43.000 You've seen those door guys devour the leftovers.
00:14:45.000 I'm sure.
00:14:46.000 How good is it?
00:14:46.000 What?
00:14:47.000 It's pounds of meat.
00:14:49.000 Yeah.
00:14:49.000 There's this place called Dr. Huggly Wuggly's Tyler, Texas Barbecue, and it's out in Van Nuys, California, and it's my all-time favorite barbecue spot in California for sure.
00:14:59.000 It's one of the best in the country.
00:15:01.000 It was amazing.
00:15:02.000 It was amazing. 0.99
00:15:03.000 Those ribs looked like fucking Flintstones. 1.00
00:15:05.000 Yep. 1.00
00:15:05.000 They were massive. 1.00
00:15:06.000 The place is super legit, too. 0.93
00:15:08.000 The paneling on the wall is like shitty fake wood. 0.56
00:15:11.000 Yeah. 0.94
00:15:12.000 It's been the same way since 1974. Warped.
00:15:15.000 It's just classic.
00:15:17.000 It is a classic restaurant.
00:15:19.000 It is Americana.
00:15:20.000 Yeah.
00:15:21.000 And they give you an insane portion of meat.
00:15:24.000 So much meat.
00:15:25.000 I can't believe I ate that.
00:15:27.000 By the way, that was a tri...
00:15:28.000 What was it?
00:15:29.000 That was three different things.
00:15:31.000 That was...
00:15:31.000 A triple combo.
00:15:32.000 Yeah, triple combo.
00:15:33.000 You had beef ribs, you had spare ribs, and you had brisket.
00:15:37.000 Obviously brisket.
00:15:38.000 You can't go to a barbecue place without getting the brisket if you've got a combo.
00:15:40.000 You've got to go with brisket and figure out what else you want.
00:15:44.000 That was 23 bucks.
00:15:45.000 It's not expensive.
00:15:46.000 It wasn't even that much.
00:15:47.000 It's an insane amount of food because that's easily enough food for three people.
00:15:50.000 We pigged out and ate it all, but three reasonable people would eat that plate of meat.
00:15:56.000 And plus they give you sides.
00:15:57.000 What are we doing, a commercial?
00:15:58.000 Four animals died for that.
00:16:00.000 You should not even tell everybody about it.
00:16:01.000 I don't want anybody to know.
00:16:02.000 Well, I do want to do well.
00:16:04.000 What are the best barbecues you've ever eaten?
00:16:06.000 There's a bunch of good spots in Texas.
00:16:08.000 There's a bunch of good spots outside of Austin.
00:16:10.000 Franklin.
00:16:11.000 I've been the one outside of Austin, but Franklin in Austin, Franklin Barbecue.
00:16:14.000 It's supposed to be insane.
00:16:14.000 Yeah, and the cool thing is, so the lines are down the street.
00:16:18.000 The first time I went, it was raining.
00:16:19.000 I got lucky.
00:16:19.000 I waited for an hour and a half.
00:16:22.000 Totally worth it.
00:16:23.000 Wow, because it was raining.
00:16:24.000 Because it was raining.
00:16:24.000 That's hilarious.
00:16:25.000 And they said, everybody, come on in off the street, get under the cover.
00:16:28.000 They're all cool people.
00:16:29.000 But industry has risen up around that line.
00:16:32.000 Like, there's TaskRabbit people that'll wait in line for you for 20 bucks, but now they're on to them, so you can only order for up to like four people. 0.99
00:16:39.000 Fucking chair salesmen. 0.99
00:16:40.000 They have rental chairs. 1.00
00:16:42.000 Oh my god.
00:16:43.000 People are up in line just waiting there like, hey, well, I can make money for five bucks.
00:16:45.000 Do they move the chair for you when the line moves?
00:16:47.000 No, I think you gotta come up, pick it up.
00:16:49.000 No, you should get up, and they should move it for you like your royalty.
00:16:52.000 Yeah, I would love that.
00:16:53.000 That'd be right.
00:16:54.000 They come out and sell beers, the line.
00:16:56.000 How weird! 0.97
00:16:58.000 It's so weird, but it's so fucking good. 0.98
00:17:00.000 That brisket melts in your mouth. 0.97
00:17:03.000 It's just like cotton candy.
00:17:05.000 There's another place in Austin that Aubrey swears by, too.
00:17:08.000 I don't remember.
00:17:08.000 Oh, yeah, he lives in Austin.
00:17:10.000 Yeah, there's another place that he says is just as good, but it's not a scene.
00:17:13.000 It's not a scene.
00:17:14.000 Well, something happens.
00:17:15.000 It got popular.
00:17:15.000 It got on TV, right?
00:17:16.000 It got on Anthony Bourdain's show.
00:17:18.000 Well, he trained with the other guy who used to be the best guy in Austin.
00:17:22.000 This guy trained with him, got his own smoker, was just in a back parking lot.
00:17:25.000 That's what they do.
00:17:26.000 They go back parking lot.
00:17:26.000 So the first time I went, I looked for one.
00:17:28.000 I was like, Mueller's, Mueller's, Mueller's BBQ. And I went in there at like 1230. No line.
00:17:34.000 I was like, oh, it's cool.
00:17:34.000 Great.
00:17:35.000 I was like, hey, can I get some...
00:17:36.000 And they're like, we sold out of meat a long time ago, son.
00:17:39.000 You gotta get here early.
00:17:40.000 They sell out of meat at a certain time.
00:17:42.000 At some point in the line for Franklin, they go, no more turkey, just so you guys know.
00:17:46.000 And then 10 minutes later, no more brisket. 1.00
00:17:48.000 And I'm like, ah, fuck. 1.00
00:17:50.000 They only have meat enough for that day. 1.00
00:17:52.000 So by two, they're closed.
00:17:53.000 They're dealers.
00:17:54.000 They're dealers.
00:17:55.000 They're dealers.
00:17:55.000 They're getting you hooked.
00:17:56.000 They're creating a surplus.
00:17:58.000 Yeah.
00:17:59.000 They got a line of people.
00:18:02.000 Yeah, it's amazing.
00:18:04.000 It's a cool...
00:18:05.000 But then they were like, oh, we gotta...
00:18:07.000 So they had that smoker in the back parking lot somewhere, and then they had to find a buyer place.
00:18:10.000 They literally have an overabundance of buyers.
00:18:13.000 They have too much.
00:18:15.000 They keep their business exactly as big as it is, so they can do everything the same way.
00:18:22.000 That's so rare.
00:18:23.000 Perfect.
00:18:23.000 Yeah.
00:18:24.000 That's a good idea.
00:18:25.000 Yeah, it's so rare though, right?
00:18:27.000 It's glorious.
00:18:28.000 It is very rare.
00:18:29.000 It's rare to just say someone's like, I'm just going to keep running this business where I can keep my eye on everything.
00:18:34.000 We do it the right way.
00:18:35.000 They give you brisket in line like at Katz's Deli.
00:18:37.000 Oh, really?
00:18:38.000 You know, with the pastrami.
00:18:38.000 They taste this, you know?
00:18:39.000 They walk by with some?
00:18:40.000 No.
00:18:41.000 As you get to the front, they just cut you off.
00:18:42.000 Oh, nice.
00:18:43.000 Just taste what you're about to order.
00:18:44.000 They're like, oh, it's so good!
00:18:46.000 Yeah, they did that to us in this place that we went to.
00:18:49.000 Me and Ben and Aubrey went to this place.
00:18:52.000 It's about 40 minutes outside of Austin.
00:18:54.000 Yeah.
00:18:54.000 I forget the name of it.
00:18:55.000 Yeah, I went there.
00:18:56.000 Yeah, so you've been to that spot?
00:18:57.000 I went there with Metzger and a few other people. 1.00
00:18:59.000 Metzger had the last brisket, and we all had to fucking suck up on some goddamn turkey and hot links. 1.00
00:19:03.000 No way. 1.00
00:19:04.000 Like peasant immigrants. 1.00
00:19:05.000 He didn't split the brisket with you?
00:19:06.000 No, he did not.
00:19:07.000 Whoa, that's kind of dark.
00:19:08.000 He's not a kind person. 0.99
00:19:09.000 He's selfish. 0.97
00:19:10.000 That's dark. 0.98
00:19:11.000 And he's...
00:19:12.000 There's three of you and you guys...
00:19:13.000 There's like seven of us.
00:19:14.000 It's a big... 1.00
00:19:15.000 Okay, fuck them. 1.00
00:19:16.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:19:17.000 Too many people.
00:19:17.000 You guys can all have a lick of one bite.
00:19:19.000 The problem is you roll too deep.
00:19:21.000 Yeah.
00:19:23.000 Because that's just too much brisket to hang around to all these different folks.
00:19:27.000 Yeah.
00:19:28.000 Yeah, it's like, sorry.
00:19:29.000 We should have gotten there earlier.
00:19:30.000 What I was getting to earlier was that, think about that guy, that Dash thing.
00:19:35.000 Uh-huh. 1.00
00:19:35.000 About how stupid that is. 1.00
00:19:37.000 That this is, in 2016, with the world that we live in today, these kind of morons are still making decisions. 1.00
00:19:44.000 Some six-year-old girl got arrested for stealing candy. 1.00
00:19:46.000 They put her in handcuffs. 1.00
00:19:47.000 See that?
00:19:48.000 Oh, no.
00:19:48.000 Six years old.
00:19:50.000 They put her in handcuffs. 1.00
00:19:51.000 Scared straight stuff?
00:19:52.000 Had to be that.
00:19:54.000 No cop is going to look at a girl and go like, we really got to take her in. 0.98
00:19:59.000 I don't know.
00:20:00.000 But it wasn't a white girl. 1.00
00:20:02.000 For sure, it wasn't.
00:20:03.000 Obviously, it wasn't a white girl. 1.00
00:20:05.000 I mean, could you even imagine that taking place with a white girl? 0.72
00:20:09.000 Cops are not going to do that to a white girl. 1.00
00:20:10.000 No way. 0.77
00:20:11.000 But that's crazy.
00:20:12.000 Young lady? 1.00
00:20:13.000 Racist. 0.99
00:20:13.000 Oh, yeah. 0.99
00:20:14.000 That's crazy.
00:20:15.000 Off the top racist.
00:20:16.000 Oh, she's so cute. 0.99
00:20:17.000 Over the top racist.
00:20:18.000 Chicago mom outraged after daughter six placed in handcuffs for taking candy.
00:20:23.000 Taking it off a teacher's desk.
00:20:24.000 I thought maybe it was some Persian guy who was like, no, you arrest her!
00:20:28.000 She steals! 1.00
00:20:29.000 You do the law!
00:20:30.000 And then I had to be arrested and then unarrest her.
00:20:32.000 But if it's off a teacher's desk...
00:20:34.000 They were trying to teach her a lesson, it says.
00:20:37.000 That you're going to wind up in jail? 1.00
00:20:39.000 What the fuck, man? 1.00
00:20:43.000 That is crazy. 1.00
00:20:44.000 So this is the world we're living in today, right?
00:20:46.000 Yeah.
00:20:47.000 This is how crazy some of the stories are where this gets through.
00:20:50.000 Somehow this becomes a real thing.
00:20:51.000 This actually happens. 0.99
00:20:52.000 And then we're all talking about it like, what in the fuck? 0.98
00:20:56.000 Imagine life back when most people died at like 24. Like, everybody's dead. 0.99
00:21:02.000 Half the people that you give birth to, half of them die.
00:21:06.000 They just don't make it.
00:21:07.000 Like, when you were looking at the ages of people that lived back during the Roman times, I mean, I think the infant mortality rate back then was some insane, like 40% or something like that.
00:21:19.000 This is when I lose what parents say.
00:21:22.000 What'd she say?
00:21:22.000 I'm more angry than anything because it's my only daughter.
00:21:25.000 I feel like anything could have happened to her.
00:21:26.000 Somebody could have touched her.
00:21:27.000 She's in the dark under the stairs. 0.97
00:21:29.000 But that's just ridiculous. 0.94
00:21:30.000 You know what that is? 0.98
00:21:31.000 That's someone who sees the finish line.
00:21:33.000 Why would you think anyone's going to touch her under the stairs at school?
00:21:36.000 Because she's scared.
00:21:37.000 I mean, who knows?
00:21:38.000 She might not be that bright. 0.99
00:21:39.000 Who the fuck knows? 0.99
00:21:40.000 But she also is being interviewed. 0.99
00:21:42.000 So she sees the finish line. 0.98
00:21:43.000 And the finish line is, you've got to make this traumatic as fuck to get that big paper. 0.99
00:21:49.000 She's getting some pain. 0.99
00:21:50.000 Oh, she's trying to do that. 1.00
00:21:51.000 Oh, fuck yeah. 1.00
00:21:52.000 She's gonna, dude. 1.00
00:21:54.000 I mean, if there's ever been a slam dunk case, if I was an ambulance chaser or one of those asshole guys who looks to sue over nothing, I'd be jumping on this thing. 0.99
00:22:04.000 This one's crazy. 0.95
00:22:05.000 Brianna, can we talk to you real quick? 1.00
00:22:06.000 Yeah, this one's fucking crazy. 0.99
00:22:08.000 You handcuffed a six-year-old girl? 1.00
00:22:11.000 I'm ready to teach them a lesson, though.
00:22:13.000 I sort of get it on that level.
00:22:14.000 No.
00:22:15.000 Make her scared.
00:22:16.000 Don't steal.
00:22:16.000 We don't steal.
00:22:17.000 You're not allowed to put kids in chains.
00:22:19.000 Oh, yeah, chains.
00:22:20.000 You're just not.
00:22:21.000 You're just not. 0.98
00:22:22.000 And you're definitely not allowed to do it to a little black kid. 0.94
00:22:24.000 Because of the connotations? 0.95
00:22:26.000 You just can't do it.
00:22:28.000 You can't take a six-year-old and go, this is what you're gonna be!
00:22:31.000 So the teacher told them to do it, right?
00:22:33.000 She's a little kid, man.
00:22:34.000 Let me tell you something, dude.
00:22:36.000 Whose fault is it, teacher or cop?
00:22:39.000 No one's fault.
00:22:40.000 It's part of being a kid.
00:22:41.000 No, no, no. 1.00
00:22:42.000 Kids do stupid shit. 1.00
00:22:43.000 What do you mean? 1.00
00:22:43.000 That she got in the handcuffs. 1.00
00:22:44.000 The teacher who said, I want to do this, the teacher will listen.
00:22:46.000 Oh, whoever put the handcuffs on her, for sure, is the culprit.
00:22:48.000 Whoever put the handcuffs on her. 0.99
00:22:50.000 Whoever, a man that put that, I assume it's a man who cinched up those handcuffs around that six-year-old wrist, get the fuck out of here. 0.99
00:22:58.000 First of all, you should never be a cop for the rest of your life, ever, if you can't control a six-year-old. 0.99
00:23:04.000 There's a school security guard, but still.
00:23:05.000 Okay, same thing.
00:23:07.000 So it's all school.
00:23:07.000 Paul Blart.
00:23:09.000 Some Paul Blart type character. 0.80
00:23:12.000 It's nonsense, man.
00:23:13.000 I stole my cousin's comb out of his desk in Israel. 0.55
00:23:18.000 And my dad saw it.
00:23:19.000 He goes, where'd you get this comb?
00:23:20.000 It had a cool pony picture on it.
00:23:22.000 On the comb.
00:23:23.000 It was a Palomino.
00:23:24.000 And I was like, I don't know, I got it.
00:23:26.000 He's like, what do you mean?
00:23:27.000 You don't have any money?
00:23:27.000 You don't get things?
00:23:29.000 How'd you get this? 1.00
00:23:31.000 Fucking ten, man. 1.00
00:23:32.000 What are you talking about? 1.00
00:23:32.000 You got it. 1.00
00:23:33.000 And I was like, I got it from...
00:23:36.000 Ego's room.
00:23:36.000 He was like, did he give it to you?
00:23:39.000 And I was like, no.
00:23:39.000 You know, he found out.
00:23:40.000 He goes, you gotta go back there and tell him you stole it.
00:23:42.000 And I was like, oh man, please do not make me do that.
00:23:46.000 He's like, yeah, you're doing it.
00:23:47.000 I got busted stealing the candy bar once.
00:23:49.000 Really?
00:23:49.000 Yeah.
00:23:50.000 I think I was 12. Like 11 or 12 maybe?
00:23:53.000 Oh.
00:23:54.000 Somewhere in that age.
00:23:55.000 Who busted you? 0.84
00:23:56.000 A security guard.
00:23:56.000 A shop owner?
00:23:57.000 Oh, okay.
00:23:57.000 A security guard at a store.
00:23:59.000 I put, like, a candy bar in my pocket or something.
00:24:01.000 I don't exactly remember how it went down, but I remember the guy grabbing me on my shoulder.
00:24:06.000 I was, like, unslick about it, you know?
00:24:07.000 Like, really unslick.
00:24:09.000 I think I was probably 11. They're already watching you.
00:24:11.000 You don't think they are? 1.00
00:24:12.000 Yeah, it was fucking ridiculous. 1.00
00:24:15.000 And, um... 1.00
00:24:17.000 And then they take you in some room, scare the shit out of you. 0.79
00:24:19.000 They say, if you ever do this again, we're going to call the police. 0.98
00:24:21.000 We're going to let you go right now.
00:24:23.000 We're not going to tell your parents, but if you ever do this again, we will call the police.
00:24:26.000 Try to scare you.
00:24:26.000 Understand me?
00:24:27.000 And I was like, oh yeah, I'm so sorry.
00:24:29.000 I can't believe I did it.
00:24:30.000 And then I told my friends, they're like, why'd you do it?
00:24:32.000 I'm like, I don't even know.
00:24:33.000 I just wanted to see if I could do it.
00:24:35.000 I wanted candy.
00:24:36.000 I didn't have any money.
00:24:38.000 Hey, is this allowable?
00:24:39.000 And then you find out, oh, it's not.
00:24:40.000 I dated a girl in high school who's a really bright girl.
00:24:44.000 Clepto?
00:24:44.000 Yes.
00:24:45.000 Wow.
00:24:46.000 She's very smart and educated and did really well for herself and wound up being an outstanding citizen.
00:24:54.000 But when she was in high school, she had a problem.
00:25:00.000 Girls, well, anybody.
00:25:01.000 You see things, and you can't afford them.
00:25:04.000 And when you're young...
00:25:05.000 You've never earned any money.
00:25:07.000 Yeah.
00:25:07.000 You still have these lapses in thinking that are intensely juvenile, especially if you grew up in a weird single-parent household like she did, or like a lot of people do, or latchkey kids,
00:25:23.000 where your parents just go, get out of here, and they just let you out the door, and you figure out life on your own. 0.99
00:25:27.000 That's a lot of fucking kids. 1.00
00:25:29.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:25:30.000 And so I think she just got caught doing it, and it was devastating.
00:25:36.000 She's pretty honest about it, like how devastating it was when she got caught.
00:25:39.000 When she got caught?
00:25:39.000 Yeah, she got caught with clothes.
00:25:41.000 And who?
00:25:42.000 They arrest her?
00:25:42.000 Security guard, yeah.
00:25:43.000 I guess what girls would do is they would go to a place, and they would put clothes on over their other clothes. 1.00
00:25:49.000 Right, go into the dressing room.
00:25:50.000 Yeah, they'd go in the dressing room and hide stuff.
00:25:53.000 And this is like...
00:25:54.000 We're talking about...
00:25:55.000 I graduated in 1985. So I think it's probably like 83 or 84. This is no computers.
00:26:01.000 There's no scanners on your items when you walk out the door.
00:26:05.000 An RFID card goes off.
00:26:06.000 You know those things that they have?
00:26:08.000 That's not an RFID. What are those plastic things?
00:26:10.000 It looks like a stapler that clip onto your shirt.
00:26:13.000 That if you don't take them off, they burst blue when you try to take them off. 0.99
00:26:16.000 I don't think they had that shit back then. 0.99
00:26:18.000 I think you just had to keep an eye on people. 0.99
00:26:21.000 Do you remember when there was a famous actress that got caught?
00:26:24.000 Winona Ryder.
00:26:24.000 Yeah.
00:26:25.000 That's right.
00:26:26.000 She got caught being a kleptower. 1.00
00:26:27.000 That's one of the reasons I know that any, like, scandal that falls a comic, like, it'll pass.
00:26:32.000 No one talks about Winona Ryder being a shoplifter anymore. 1.00
00:26:35.000 We just did.
00:26:36.000 Well, yeah, but I mean, people don't really think of it that way.
00:26:39.000 Thank God we're not respectable.
00:26:41.000 I remember at some point learning the lesson.
00:26:43.000 I was like, oh, I'm an adult now.
00:26:44.000 If I get caught shoplifting now, I'm just going to go to jail.
00:26:47.000 There's no, like, young man will talk to your parents. 0.98
00:26:49.000 I think some people have just fucking lapses in judgment, and they do it because they're like, I think subconsciously, like someone like Winona Ryder, who's obviously wealthy. 0.97
00:26:58.000 Yeah, she's wealthy. 1.00
00:26:59.000 I think she's like, I mean, I'm just totally playing armchair psychologist here, but I would say it might seriously be that she's just trying to charge up her day somehow, like subconsciously.
00:27:11.000 That's what, in the season, the series premiere of Heroes, the very first episode.
00:27:15.000 Spoiler alert?
00:27:16.000 Are you going to spoiler alert again? 0.99
00:27:17.000 Dude, that's fucking 12 years old. 1.00
00:27:18.000 Son of a bitch. 1.00
00:27:19.000 Anyway, the fucking wife of the congressman, she gets caught shoplifting, and people go, why did you shoplift? 1.00
00:27:24.000 She goes, I just needed to feel something. 1.00
00:27:27.000 It was the worst writing I've ever heard.
00:27:28.000 But she's like, after Frank died, I just needed to feel.
00:27:31.000 Good Christ.
00:27:33.000 Yeah, but, dude, I steal from the airports all the time.
00:27:36.000 You used to or do?
00:27:37.000 Do.
00:27:38.000 What do you steal?
00:27:38.000 I don't know.
00:27:39.000 If I buy a couple things and they're super expensive, the water is just coming with me for free.
00:27:43.000 Whoa, you shouldn't say this on the air.
00:27:45.000 What are they going to set up a sting?
00:27:45.000 People are going to sting.
00:27:47.000 They're going to sting you at the airport.
00:27:49.000 Like one of those things.
00:27:51.000 Or the banana.
00:27:52.000 I don't know, something. 1.00
00:27:53.000 But why would you give a fuck? 1.00
00:27:54.000 You have money. 0.99
00:27:55.000 Yeah, because I just feel it's not justified that they charge this much.
00:27:58.000 Fight the power that be!
00:28:00.000 Bernie Sanders all the way for you or what?
00:28:02.000 Yeah, I mean if I voted, which I'm not, but I would definitely vote for Sanders.
00:28:08.000 Yeah.
00:28:09.000 Sometimes I stop and I go, wait.
00:28:11.000 $4.75 for the regular size water?
00:28:14.000 You know that's a lot, right?
00:28:18.000 It's fairly expensive.
00:28:20.000 However, how much would I have to pay you to go get some water, purify it, cool it off, put it in a plastic jar, and have it sealed and waiting for me?
00:28:30.000 $150.
00:28:31.000 Yeah.
00:28:31.000 It cost a lot.
00:28:33.000 Dude, I got into a fight with a guy on the Great Wall of China.
00:28:35.000 He was selling Gatorades.
00:28:37.000 And I had just taken this long hike on it.
00:28:39.000 I mean, it was hot, and I was sweaty, and I saw Gatorade.
00:28:42.000 And I was like, yeah, how much?
00:28:43.000 And he was like, I forget how much it was.
00:28:45.000 Let's say it was like $20.
00:28:47.000 Yen.
00:28:48.000 Right.
00:28:49.000 And I was like, what do you mean?
00:28:49.000 The price is five, bro.
00:28:51.000 You know the price is five.
00:28:52.000 And he goes, 20. I'm like, I'm not a fucking tourist. 1.00
00:28:54.000 I've been here for two weeks already. 0.99
00:28:56.000 I already know the scam. 0.98
00:28:57.000 And he goes, I walked it up from the fucking bottom of the hill all the way up to the Great Wall of China. 0.98
00:29:02.000 And I was like, 20 it is. 0.99
00:29:03.000 There you go.
00:29:05.000 Yeah, man.
00:29:06.000 That's legit.
00:29:07.000 Yeah.
00:29:09.000 But...
00:29:10.000 You can't be stealing water.
00:29:13.000 It's with other stuff.
00:29:14.000 Or if the line is too long.
00:29:15.000 Yeah, with other things.
00:29:16.000 If the line is too long.
00:29:17.000 You just...
00:29:18.000 Pick your own price.
00:29:19.000 Oh yeah, absolutely.
00:29:19.000 If the line is too long, I'm like, I gotta go.
00:29:21.000 I'm like, uh, nah.
00:29:22.000 I'm just gonna walk.
00:29:23.000 Sometimes I do that.
00:29:24.000 Sometimes you just take things?
00:29:26.000 Yeah, neck pillows once in a while.
00:29:27.000 Really?
00:29:28.000 I'm gonna wait in the line.
00:29:29.000 I'm walking around looking for nuts.
00:29:30.000 I have a neck pillow.
00:29:30.000 It's on my suitcase now.
00:29:31.000 I put it on there.
00:29:32.000 I'm like, I'll probably just go.
00:29:34.000 This is not a good way to think.
00:29:37.000 Oh, for sure.
00:29:38.000 This is a crime.
00:29:38.000 You're talking about steady, regular crime and justifying it.
00:29:42.000 Look, man, what the American government says I should do, I don't agree with all that.
00:29:45.000 I don't think the government owns those little stops at the airport.
00:29:48.000 No, no, no.
00:29:49.000 I'm saying what they say in terms of stealing and not stealing.
00:29:51.000 I just don't listen to them.
00:29:53.000 Oh, you have your own laws?
00:29:53.000 Yeah.
00:29:53.000 Hmm.
00:29:54.000 I don't know. 1.00
00:29:55.000 Big corporations, fuck them. 1.00
00:29:56.000 Steal what you want. 1.00
00:29:58.000 But what is a big corporation?
00:29:59.000 Are those big corporations that have those little stalls in the airport?
00:30:04.000 I don't do it from the kiosks, although I would do it from the kiosks.
00:30:08.000 They're just harder because you can't walk around.
00:30:10.000 There's one guy looking.
00:30:11.000 But that doesn't make any sense.
00:30:12.000 Why are you doing that?
00:30:13.000 I don't know.
00:30:14.000 Good question.
00:30:15.000 Let me think about that.
00:30:16.000 This is something that could cause you a giant problem if you got caught.
00:30:19.000 If I got caught, yeah.
00:30:20.000 For sure I'd miss my flight.
00:30:21.000 Well, not just miss your flight.
00:30:22.000 It would be a big deal.
00:30:24.000 I mean, you could always plead ignorance, but not anymore.
00:30:27.000 Not because of this, because of this evidence.
00:30:28.000 Yeah, because of this.
00:30:29.000 This is over.
00:30:29.000 One time I had a koosh ball at Chesapeake Knife and Tool, and I was tossing it around while I was looking at all the little metal games, you know, those puzzle games, you get the ring off, and I was like, oh, I can easily take this right now.
00:30:39.000 And I just kept tossing it up and walked right out of the store.
00:30:41.000 Because if they caught me, I'd be like, oh my god, I'm so sorry.
00:30:43.000 Oh, alright.
00:30:44.000 Clearly I wasn't, clearly, I mean, that was in high school.
00:30:46.000 You should go back.
00:30:47.000 And give it back to them?
00:30:48.000 I want to go back to the place I sold a candy bar and pay for it.
00:30:50.000 Really?
00:30:51.000 No.
00:30:51.000 You gotta pay for like five.
00:30:54.000 With interest.
00:30:55.000 Oh my god, you'd owe them thousands.
00:30:56.000 What kind of candy bar?
00:30:57.000 I don't remember.
00:30:58.000 It's like a Hershey's bar or something.
00:31:00.000 Nothing exotic.
00:31:00.000 That's on you.
00:31:02.000 It's on me?
00:31:02.000 Yeah, I'm in a zero bar maybe.
00:31:04.000 I don't even remember.
00:31:05.000 10,000 grand.
00:31:06.000 I used to remember it was candy. 1.00
00:31:07.000 Fucking Hershey's bar. 1.00
00:31:08.000 What are you, a fucking freed internment camp guy from the fucking Japanese war? 1.00
00:31:12.000 Let me tell you something. 1.00
00:31:14.000 Hershey's chocolate with almonds, still to this day, is fucking bang up. 0.98
00:31:18.000 Hershey's chocolate. 0.98
00:31:19.000 Hershey's chocolate. 1.00
00:31:19.000 I'm like a garbage American. 1.00
00:31:20.000 How dare you? 1.00
00:31:21.000 Hershey's chocolate and Jif peanut butter.
00:31:23.000 That's good.
00:31:24.000 That's good. 0.99
00:31:25.000 You break off the fucking pieces of the Hershey's chocolate with almonds and dig into a big vat of Jif peanut butter. 1.00
00:31:32.000 Kapow! 1.00
00:31:34.000 Or Skippy.
00:31:35.000 You want to get crazy? 0.93
00:31:35.000 Oh yeah, the nuts. 0.93
00:31:36.000 The nutty ones. 0.99
00:31:37.000 But when they try to sell us that bullshit where there's a stripe of jelly and a stripe of peanut butter and a stripe... 1.00
00:31:43.000 Fuck you. 1.00
00:31:45.000 Unless you're eating it with a spoon straight out of the jar into your mouth. 1.00
00:31:48.000 It's like, no, I decide how much jelly and how much peanut butter goes on it. 1.00
00:31:51.000 This is stupid. 1.00
00:31:51.000 Dude, we were having a party for This Is Not Happening for my show every Tuesday night, 12.30 a.m. 1.00
00:31:57.000 Three episodes left.
00:31:59.000 Diaz is coming. 0.98
00:32:00.000 But anyway, so we had s'mores.
00:32:02.000 We had in the back of Eric and Sam's place.
00:32:03.000 It was a little fire pit.
00:32:04.000 We had s'mores.
00:32:05.000 I just burned them.
00:32:06.000 I just burned the mushroom.
00:32:07.000 Not mushroom.
00:32:08.000 Marshmallow and then stick it on there and smush it.
00:32:10.000 And then this guy Brian Baldinger, he's like, dude, I was a Cub Scout for 12 years.
00:32:13.000 That's not how you do it.
00:32:14.000 Let me show you.
00:32:15.000 And for the next 10 minutes, he perfectly browned this marshmallow from like eight feet above the fire.
00:32:22.000 Like just made it so long.
00:32:23.000 And then he turns and goes, see now this is...
00:32:25.000 And he just slapped it on his hand onto the ground.
00:32:28.000 He was so angry.
00:32:32.000 He was so mad.
00:32:35.000 And I was waiting for him to finish for 10 minutes.
00:32:39.000 He's the Franklins of s'mores. 0.67
00:32:43.000 Oh my god.
00:32:46.000 That's hilarious, dude. 1.00
00:32:47.000 You just shit on the Franklin of s'mores. 1.00
00:32:50.000 I love slapping shit out of people's hands. 1.00
00:32:52.000 I did it out of Gomez's hands, and he had an Altoids tin that was open for so long! 1.00
00:32:56.000 I'm like, why?
00:32:57.000 I don't want to do this to you!
00:33:00.000 You're forcing my hand!
00:33:02.000 And then you just slapped it up.
00:33:04.000 And he goes, dude, there's three Xanax in there!
00:33:06.000 Oh no!
00:33:07.000 So we had to look on the ground.
00:33:10.000 We found one of them.
00:33:15.000 It's so much fun to slap food on someone's hand.
00:33:18.000 Josh Martin did that. 0.99
00:33:19.000 He was coming out of the back with a fucking pretzel all covered with mustard. 0.99
00:33:25.000 It's only great when they can easily replace it. 0.99
00:33:28.000 Yes.
00:33:28.000 So you gotta get, here's the five bucks back, go deal with it.
00:33:31.000 If I ever got a lot of money, I would smash people's iPhones and just stomp on them like, here's $700.
00:33:35.000 But then what if they're in the middle of a really important conversation with a babysitter?
00:33:39.000 Yeah, now you get it.
00:33:41.000 Anyway, Josh Martin comes out.
00:33:43.000 I just slap that out of it.
00:33:43.000 He goes, oh, and I can see he's looking at it like, maybe I'll eat it anyway.
00:33:46.000 I'm like, you're making me step on this, man.
00:33:48.000 You're making me step on this.
00:33:50.000 You're leaving me no choice.
00:33:53.000 Why are comics so mean to each other?
00:33:56.000 Yeah, we're so cruel.
00:33:57.000 So mean to each other.
00:33:58.000 There was one of the funniest stories I laughed at was Louie and Norton.
00:34:02.000 Norton was talking about how he was walking down the street with his slice of pizza.
00:34:05.000 He just got it.
00:34:06.000 It was perfect.
00:34:06.000 It was such a juicy slice of pizza.
00:34:09.000 And Louie walked over and smacked it right out of his hand, right out of the ground. 1.00
00:34:12.000 And said something like, your mother's a cunt. 1.00
00:34:20.000 Why is that so funny? 1.00
00:34:22.000 It's so funny.
00:34:24.000 It's pain associated with no real monetary loss.
00:34:29.000 It's not real.
00:34:31.000 But that's why the cell phone doesn't work.
00:34:34.000 It's a real phone.
00:34:36.000 You'd have to give them like a grand.
00:34:37.000 Yeah, it's not a slice of pizza that you just easily replace.
00:34:42.000 Jim Payne said it the best in terms of how comedians, how cruel they are to each other.
00:34:46.000 He was like, if you break up with a girl, if you're at a comedy store and you break up with a girl, you just don't tell anyone for like eight months.
00:34:54.000 It's just, they're not going to be cool to you.
00:34:56.000 They're not going to be like, it's okay, man. 0.99
00:34:57.000 They're just going to be like, who do you think is fucking her now? 1.00
00:35:00.000 Do you think she's finally trying anal? 1.00
00:35:02.000 Oh, that's true. 0.98
00:35:03.000 Yeah, you just don't tell anybody until you're over it, and then you're like, okay, now I can accept the plan.
00:35:07.000 Yeah, that ended a year ago.
00:35:09.000 What?
00:35:09.000 Well, can we still make fun of you?
00:35:10.000 Yeah, but it won't sting anymore.
00:35:12.000 I've already had two girlfriends since then.
00:35:13.000 That's a lot of guys.
00:35:15.000 You've employed that strategy.
00:35:16.000 What, not telling anybody?
00:35:17.000 Yeah.
00:35:17.000 Oh, yeah, for sure.
00:35:18.000 Yeah.
00:35:19.000 I remember being like, where's, what's her name?
00:35:20.000 Yeah, didn't work out.
00:35:22.000 Yeah.
00:35:22.000 How long ago?
00:35:23.000 A year?
00:35:25.000 Like one of your best friends. 1.00
00:35:26.000 A fucking year, bro? 1.00
00:35:28.000 Gotta keep that sick. 1.00
00:35:29.000 You're even gonna tell me?
00:35:31.000 A year?
00:35:32.000 I was gonna tell you.
00:35:33.000 I was gonna tell you eventually.
00:35:38.000 I don't know, man.
00:35:39.000 But it has to be someone you like.
00:35:41.000 Like, if someone that you didn't like as a comedian came by and slapped your Tic Tacs.
00:35:46.000 Oh, yeah. 1.00
00:35:46.000 Then it's like, who the fuck are you? 1.00
00:35:48.000 Exactly. 0.99
00:35:48.000 It only works if you really like that person. 0.99
00:35:51.000 That guy Rocco.
00:35:52.000 You know Rocco?
00:35:53.000 He's a nice guy.
00:35:55.000 But I didn't know him that well. 0.99
00:35:56.000 And I yawned and he put his fucking two fingers right in my mouth. 0.99
00:35:59.000 And I'm like, don't fucking ever do that to me again! 1.00
00:36:02.000 I was so mad. 1.00
00:36:04.000 But if you do it, I'd be like, ew, dude, fucking gross! 0.99
00:36:06.000 That'd be the end of it. 0.99
00:36:08.000 But why would anybody do that?
00:36:09.000 I don't know.
00:36:10.000 I don't know.
00:36:11.000 I definitely don't want your hands in my mouth, and I don't want my hands in your mouth either. 1.00
00:36:15.000 Oh, yeah.
00:36:15.000 What if someone's got some crazy gag reflex, just chomps down your fingers?
00:36:19.000 That would be hilarious.
00:36:20.000 If you're like, let me teach this guy to listen, and then it just barfs all over your arms.
00:36:23.000 Bites you.
00:36:24.000 They say that like a human bite is super dangerous.
00:36:28.000 Really? 1.00
00:36:28.000 Yeah, people have all sorts of funky fucking bacteria in their mouth. 1.00
00:36:32.000 When a person bites you, like if you get infected, if you can get it cleaned up really good, really quick. 0.99
00:36:36.000 Like we have venom.
00:36:37.000 Yeah, we're nasty. 1.00
00:36:38.000 It'll do shit to you? 1.00
00:36:39.000 Yeah, yeah. 1.00
00:36:40.000 People get real sick. 0.99
00:36:42.000 Well, diseases that come from bites can be particularly fucked up. 1.00
00:36:47.000 That's one of the things about those goddamn Komodo dragons. 0.99
00:36:50.000 I'm pretty sure, check and see on this, because I might be mistaken, but I'm pretty sure they used to think that they have venom. 0.99
00:36:58.000 They used to think they produce a venom.
00:37:00.000 And now, or it might be the other way around, that they used to think that it was just bacteria in their mouth that killed their prey. 1.00
00:37:08.000 Just fucking slime. 1.00
00:37:10.000 Their mouth develops a slime. 1.00
00:37:12.000 They're really weird.
00:37:14.000 Kimono dragons, their mouth is like someone just blew snot in their mouth. 0.99
00:37:19.000 They open their mouth up and it's like you, if you just sneezed, if you had the flu and fucking goos coming out of your mouth. 0.99
00:37:27.000 One-two punch. 1.00
00:37:28.000 They have sharp teeth and a venomous bite.
00:37:31.000 Okay.
00:37:32.000 Dispels the common belief that toxic bacteria in the Komodo's mouths are responsible.
00:37:36.000 See, that's the old belief.
00:37:38.000 So humans are worse than Komodo dragons.
00:37:39.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:37:40.000 Well, they'll probably kill you eventually if they beat you. 1.00
00:37:43.000 I'm sure there's fucking nasty shit in their mouth. 1.00
00:37:46.000 But the venom. 1.00
00:37:47.000 They actually have a venom.
00:37:49.000 For the longest time, they thought that it was just bacteria.
00:37:52.000 Because, like, show a picture of a Komodo dragon with its mouth open. 0.99
00:37:55.000 It's fucking vile, man. 0.99
00:37:57.000 Where do they live? 1.00
00:37:58.000 I want to see one of those things.
00:37:59.000 Komodo Island.
00:38:00.000 There's only one place where they live.
00:38:01.000 That's it?
00:38:02.000 Yeah.
00:38:02.000 Wow.
00:38:03.000 They don't have many zoos anywhere?
00:38:04.000 Pretty sure.
00:38:04.000 Well, they definitely do.
00:38:05.000 But I mean, one place where they exist in the wild.
00:38:08.000 Yeah.
00:38:08.000 I'm pretty sure.
00:38:09.000 Pretty sure there's only one area.
00:38:11.000 Like, look at its mouth.
00:38:12.000 Ew, look at that slime. 1.00
00:38:13.000 Yeah.
00:38:14.000 The whole thing is just Slimesville. 1.00
00:38:15.000 And apparently that shit's all toxic. 1.00
00:38:18.000 Oh, how fast are those? 1.00
00:38:19.000 Pretty fast, right?
00:38:20.000 Oh yeah, they're big too.
00:38:21.000 They'll come at you? 1.00
00:38:22.000 They're fucking big, man. 1.00
00:38:23.000 These things eat water buffaloes and shit. 1.00
00:38:25.000 No way! 1.00
00:38:26.000 Yeah, they bite them and then they follow them for days until they die.
00:38:29.000 And then eat them?
00:38:31.000 They are the creepest of the creeps. 1.00
00:38:33.000 It's like a fucking English bulldog. 1.00
00:38:36.000 They're so disgusting. 1.00
00:38:37.000 I mean, they're beautiful in a lot of ways. 0.99
00:38:40.000 I mean, they're a spectacular example.
00:38:42.000 They're a remnant of dinosaurs.
00:38:44.000 Oh, yeah.
00:38:44.000 I mean, they are dinosaurs, man.
00:38:46.000 Look at that one right there that you just passed over, Jamie.
00:38:48.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:38:49.000 Look at that fucking thing. 1.00
00:38:51.000 Go full screen on that. 1.00
00:38:52.000 What in the fuck, man? 1.00
00:38:53.000 Sharp claws, too. 1.00
00:38:54.000 And it's built like a pit bull.
00:38:56.000 It's got giant mussels everywhere.
00:38:58.000 It's like an aardvark almost.
00:39:00.000 They're so gross.
00:39:01.000 Let me see it eating a water buffalo. 0.70
00:39:03.000 I want to see how big it is in scale.
00:39:04.000 Well, what they do is they ran up to...
00:39:06.000 There's a video of a kimono dragon running up to this water buffalo and biting its leg.
00:39:12.000 And then it follows it for days.
00:39:14.000 Look at that one.
00:39:14.000 Dolphin?
00:39:15.000 Dolphin.
00:39:16.000 A beach dolphin.
00:39:17.000 Oh, beach dolphin.
00:39:18.000 Yeah, it probably died.
00:39:19.000 And they're eating it after it died.
00:39:21.000 Oh, so much blood.
00:39:21.000 That happens a lot with bears.
00:39:22.000 Like, there's a cow that once...
00:39:24.000 They're eating the head off that thing. 1.00
00:39:26.000 Yeah. 0.99
00:39:26.000 They're monsters, bro. 0.99
00:39:27.000 They're pretty big. 0.84
00:39:27.000 Okay, they're pretty big. 0.84
00:39:28.000 Oh, yeah.
00:39:29.000 They're hundreds of pounds.
00:39:30.000 They're the biggest lizards in the world.
00:39:32.000 Really?
00:39:32.000 Yeah, I don't know how...
00:39:33.000 I mean, I think they probably get to like 800 pounds or something like that.
00:39:35.000 Like, find out how big they are, Jamie.
00:39:37.000 Look at that guy who has a Komodo dragon bite.
00:39:41.000 Well, that's what happened to Sharon Stone's husband.
00:39:44.000 What?
00:39:45.000 Sharon Stone's husband is this, like, swashbuckling journalism type character who does, like, a lot of crazy stuff.
00:39:52.000 Yeah?
00:39:52.000 And, uh, yeah, or I guess she's not married to anyone.
00:39:55.000 What am I, Gossip Magazine guy? 0.99
00:39:57.000 But this guy was, like, this real macho guy and did a lot of macho type shit. 0.99
00:40:02.000 And one of the things they did was he got into some cage with a Komodo dragon and he took his shoes off. 0.97
00:40:10.000 For whatever reason like maybe you take your shoes off so that you don't step in their habitat with You know what might possibly be on your shoes in the cage with them? 0.99
00:40:19.000 Yeah, and the fucking thing bit his foot because he thought it's it thought his foot was a rabbit Because his foot was white and they feed him rabbits Jesus fucking Christ. 0.99
00:40:29.000 So this thing imagine I think clamping down on your foot with that slime mouth and He almost lost his foot. 1.00
00:40:36.000 Really?
00:40:37.000 Yeah.
00:40:38.000 They go, okay, they're a lot smaller than I thought.
00:40:40.000 170 to 200 pounds.
00:40:42.000 I thought they were like 800 or 900 pounds.
00:40:44.000 Reaching 10 feet in length.
00:40:46.000 Jesus.
00:40:47.000 200 pounds.
00:40:48.000 Wait, wait, wait.
00:40:48.000 More than 300 pounds.
00:40:50.000 The one of the animals.
00:40:51.000 Huh.
00:40:52.000 Reaching 10 feet and more than 300 pounds.
00:40:55.000 Says this.
00:40:56.000 This is National Geographic, too.
00:40:58.000 Huh.
00:40:58.000 Maybe that's as big as it can get?
00:41:01.000 It's not like they're getting them on scale.
00:41:04.000 Wait, 330 pounds?
00:41:06.000 Okay, what is...
00:41:06.000 Either way, they're big.
00:41:08.000 Non-facts on the Komodo dragon.
00:41:10.000 More research should be done.
00:41:12.000 What's kind of interesting is they're the biggest lizards.
00:41:14.000 So I guess a crocodile is not a lizard.
00:41:17.000 How big?
00:41:18.000 They're way bigger.
00:41:20.000 Crocodiles are way bigger.
00:41:21.000 Crocodile's not a lizard?
00:41:23.000 No.
00:41:23.000 I guess it's not.
00:41:25.000 Because if that's the biggest lizard, maybe there's a separate genus.
00:41:29.000 Is crocodile a lizard?
00:41:30.000 Genus or genus?
00:41:31.000 Genus.
00:41:31.000 Genus.
00:41:32.000 For alligators and crocodiles, they might be their own thing.
00:41:36.000 Oh, maybe.
00:41:38.000 I was like, not lizards?
00:41:40.000 Well, they're so much bigger than that.
00:41:42.000 Really?
00:41:42.000 Because the Komodo dragon cannot be the biggest lizard.
00:41:44.000 Because crocodiles like Nile crocs are fucking giant. 0.99
00:41:48.000 How big are those? 1.00
00:41:48.000 They're huge. 1.00
00:41:49.000 The biggest ones I think they've ever recorded are like 28 feet long.
00:41:53.000 Wow.
00:41:53.000 I'm pretty sure a crocodile is for sure a lizard.
00:41:55.000 Yeah, it seems like it would be, right?
00:41:57.000 But then how are they saying that the Komodo dragon is the largest lizard in the world?
00:42:01.000 I don't know that it is.
00:42:03.000 When I typed in something like that, I see it's like the largest species found on Indonesian islands.
00:42:08.000 Oh, that's not...
00:42:08.000 So like, there's a couple...
00:42:10.000 Man, I swear I read that.
00:42:12.000 That's the largest lizard in the world.
00:42:14.000 Maybe they meant the largest monitor?
00:42:16.000 Is it a monitor lizard?
00:42:17.000 Yeah, I remember the monitor lizard family, Var and I, it is the largest living species of lizard.
00:42:22.000 Maybe that...
00:42:23.000 Okay, so it's the largest species of lizards.
00:42:26.000 What does that mean?
00:42:27.000 Monitor lizards are the largest species.
00:42:28.000 The monitor, oh, the largest in volume.
00:42:31.000 Of a species, I get it.
00:42:33.000 In volume, okay.
00:42:34.000 Okay, that makes sense. 0.99
00:42:36.000 But what the fuck's a crocodile? 0.99
00:42:37.000 Is it a lizard? 0.99
00:42:38.000 But they have other stuff in the species, but smaller.
00:42:41.000 Right.
00:42:42.000 Well, there's a gang of different monitors, is what it is.
00:42:44.000 Right.
00:42:45.000 Maybe they mean overall.
00:42:46.000 You ever see a crocodile monitor? 0.99
00:42:47.000 They're fucking badass. 0.99
00:42:49.000 No. 0.99
00:42:49.000 That's a monitor. 0.99
00:42:50.000 What does that mean, monitor?
00:42:51.000 It's a type of lizard.
00:42:52.000 I don't know. 0.98
00:42:53.000 But a crocodile monitor is like these really cryptic looking, creepy fucking, I think Eddie Bravo knew a girl, had one as a pet. 0.99
00:43:01.000 Had one? 0.99
00:43:02.000 Yeah. 0.98
00:43:03.000 Like one of those crazy goth chicks like snakes. 1.00
00:43:06.000 You know what I don't like? 0.97
00:43:07.000 Dogs.
00:43:08.000 So, I'll get a lizard.
00:43:11.000 Crocodile, you like dogs. 1.00
00:43:13.000 No, I'm saying, why would you get a fucking crocodile? 1.00
00:43:15.000 I thought you were in character. 0.99
00:43:16.000 Look at the eyeballs in that thing. 0.91
00:43:18.000 Looks like it's animated.
00:43:19.000 That doesn't even look like a real eyeball, right?
00:43:20.000 That looks like a dinosaur for sure.
00:43:22.000 Tell me where you keep your eggs.
00:43:26.000 Are they delicious?
00:43:28.000 Remember when Andy Serkis was a giant name because he did that play-by-play for Gollum?
00:43:34.000 No.
00:43:35.000 They put things on him?
00:43:36.000 I don't know who that is.
00:43:37.000 What are you talking about?
00:43:38.000 He played Gollum.
00:43:38.000 In the Hobbit movies?
00:43:40.000 Yeah.
00:43:41.000 Really?
00:43:41.000 People knew who he was, yeah.
00:43:42.000 Then he did just a bunch of stuff like that where they put those things all over you and they had to act like...
00:43:46.000 Oh.
00:43:47.000 Well, he's a very good physical actor, if that was his body, that he was moving around like that.
00:43:51.000 Yeah.
00:43:52.000 He was a great Gollum.
00:43:53.000 And what they did with him.
00:43:56.000 Just good?
00:43:57.000 No, he was really solid.
00:43:58.000 He was great.
00:43:59.000 I mean...
00:43:59.000 No, that was a great part of the...
00:44:01.000 Did you read The Hobbit?
00:44:01.000 Did you ever read him?
00:44:02.000 Yeah.
00:44:02.000 Yeah, I mean, I think he was as good as you could have been.
00:44:05.000 Yeah.
00:44:05.000 No, yeah, totally believable.
00:44:07.000 Yeah.
00:44:07.000 Weird.
00:44:07.000 And that CGI? Yeah.
00:44:10.000 Even though you kind of know, you're watching a cartoon, you know, you kind of get it.
00:44:13.000 But he also aged unnaturally for a thousand years, so it's not like he's supposed to be a regular thing.
00:44:18.000 Right, right. 1.00
00:44:19.000 The Hobbit was such dog shit. 1.00
00:44:21.000 How dare you? 1.00
00:44:22.000 The Lord of the Rings is amazing.
00:44:24.000 How dare you on all accounts?
00:44:26.000 You thought The Lord of the Rings was not as good as The Hobbit?
00:44:28.000 No, no.
00:44:28.000 I don't remember which ones were which names, but I liked all of them.
00:44:32.000 Oh, really?
00:44:32.000 Didn't like all of them equally, but they were all good enough.
00:44:36.000 And one of them was to set up some other shit. 0.98
00:44:39.000 Sometimes they do a lot of that. 0.98
00:44:40.000 But Lord of the Rings was three, and those were all great.
00:44:42.000 And The Hobbit, they turned into three.
00:44:45.000 I don't know why.
00:44:46.000 I mean, I know why.
00:44:48.000 The Smaug?
00:44:49.000 Desolation of Smaug?
00:44:50.000 You didn't like that?
00:44:50.000 It's just a bunch of talking.
00:44:51.000 Like, we need you in this battle!
00:44:53.000 I don't want to go to the battle!
00:44:54.000 We need you! 0.99
00:44:56.000 Alright, fucking 20 minutes of that. 0.99
00:44:58.000 Jamie, you know I'm right on that. 0.99
00:45:00.000 I didn't watch any of the Hobbit movies.
00:45:01.000 Those orcs?
00:45:02.000 They didn't freak you out? 1.00
00:45:03.000 In the fucking... 0.99
00:45:05.000 Lord of the Rings. 0.99
00:45:06.000 They didn't freak you out in the most recent one?
00:45:08.000 No, they seem like fangless. 0.97
00:45:11.000 They were kind of easy to kill this time around. 1.00
00:45:13.000 Yeah, super easy to kill. 1.00
00:45:14.000 When fucking Bilbo is killing orcs, I'm like, wait, at one point are they these fucking evil supervillains that are created in a lab, and then at the next point, this fucking little hobbit with no training can get him. 1.00
00:45:24.000 Oh, that's a good point. 1.00
00:45:26.000 That was bullshit. 0.99
00:45:26.000 There was that one scene when they were in the barrels going down the river. 0.99
00:45:29.000 Spoiler alert.
00:45:30.000 Uh-huh. 0.90
00:45:30.000 And I'm like, you can't just kill everybody. 0.90
00:45:33.000 In the barrels. 0.96
00:45:34.000 You guys aren't losing anybody.
00:45:35.000 Yeah, nobody.
00:45:36.000 You're not losing anybody.
00:45:37.000 No casualties.
00:45:38.000 You got orcs with bows and arrows.
00:45:39.000 They're jumping. 1.00
00:45:40.000 A fucking cliff is falling apart. 0.99
00:45:41.000 Remember those two mountains were fighting? 0.99
00:45:43.000 And they're jumping from thing to thing.
00:45:44.000 All fine.
00:45:45.000 Everybody's fine.
00:45:47.000 It can be done.
00:45:49.000 In a way that would make you think that although there's magic in this world that they live in, the physics of the regular world still apply.
00:45:57.000 You gotta shoot it right.
00:45:58.000 Yeah.
00:45:59.000 See, the problem is, in these movies, it's not just the magic that you have to concede.
00:46:05.000 You have to concede that...
00:46:06.000 That's the world they set up.
00:46:07.000 It's okay.
00:46:08.000 You set up this world, it's fine.
00:46:09.000 Spider-Man can shoot things because they set up the world, but he can't fly.
00:46:12.000 But the physics of their movements, like what happens, how they battle these orcs...
00:46:18.000 Yeah, gravity's supposed to be normal.
00:46:19.000 Yeah.
00:46:20.000 Yeah, it doesn't make any sense.
00:46:21.000 And you can't just constantly almost die and keep going for a half hour.
00:46:25.000 If it's like, how did Bilbo get away?
00:46:27.000 Well, he's got a ring.
00:46:27.000 It turns him invisible.
00:46:28.000 Okay, that works. 0.99
00:46:29.000 But you can't just, like, fucking hit holes. 0.99
00:46:33.000 Yeah, when people almost die and then almost die and then almost die and almost die, you burn out my almost-die nerves. 0.99
00:46:38.000 I don't care.
00:46:38.000 I don't believe you're in danger.
00:46:40.000 Yeah, that happens in movies sometimes where it's just a bunch of shit happening. 0.87
00:46:44.000 I have this theory that most artists have about a seven, I'm tweaking the years, but about a seven year prime where they're really on point. 0.61
00:46:52.000 And Peter Jackson, is that who did The Lord of the Rings and The Hobbit?
00:46:55.000 Yeah.
00:46:55.000 Yeah, like he was, that was amazing.
00:46:58.000 Yeah.
00:46:58.000 And then King Kong came and you're like, maybe.
00:47:00.000 And then The Hobbit.
00:47:01.000 How dare you?
00:47:01.000 Oh, you don't really.
00:47:03.000 How dare you?
00:47:03.000 Care anymore.
00:47:05.000 King Kong was awesome, so, suck it. 0.99
00:47:07.000 Same thing, though. 1.00
00:47:08.000 Brontosaurus are going all around them, fucking stomping right next to them. 0.96
00:47:10.000 I'm like, ooh, that was a close one. 0.91
00:47:12.000 Yeah, well, I felt like a way about Jurassic Park, the new Jurassic Park.
00:47:15.000 I was watching, and I was like, okay, here comes more stuff happening, and a bunch of stuff's gonna happen now, and then this is gonna happen. 0.97
00:47:21.000 It's just a bunch of shit that I have zero connection to. 0.90
00:47:25.000 It's undeniably visually impressive. 0.99
00:47:27.000 It's amazing special effects.
00:47:29.000 I have zero emotions.
00:47:31.000 It's all part of it.
00:47:32.000 You've got to draw me in.
00:47:33.000 And then people will go like, well, he said that's why he did it, because of this.
00:47:36.000 You're like, eh, whatever.
00:47:37.000 Saying it's not showing it.
00:47:39.000 I hate to bring this movie up again, but I bring it up a lot.
00:47:42.000 Ex Machina.
00:47:43.000 Oh, yeah, I just watched it.
00:47:44.000 I just saw it.
00:47:45.000 Just saw it. 1.00
00:47:46.000 Like, there's just amount of shit, enough amount of shit happening. 1.00
00:47:50.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:47:51.000 Like, spectacular spellbinding.
00:47:55.000 Is that a word?
00:47:55.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:47:58.000 Cliffhanging. 0.99
00:47:59.000 Like, you're fucking nervous. 0.98
00:48:00.000 There's just scenes. 0.99
00:48:01.000 There's massive anticipation.
00:48:02.000 There's all sorts of different...
00:48:04.000 Elements at play.
00:48:05.000 You've got artificial intelligence. 1.00
00:48:08.000 It's perhaps plotting against you and there's so much going on man And there's scenes in that movie where you're like fuck fuck fuck like you're white knuckling I didn't feel any of that in like Jurassic Park. 1.00
00:48:20.000 Oh, right, right, right. 0.99
00:48:21.000 I just didn't feel it I was like they're gonna be fine.
00:48:23.000 There's a couple moments in Ex Machina where it's like Do a better job.
00:48:28.000 Really?
00:48:29.000 Like what?
00:48:30.000 The way he falls in love in a week, it's like, eh, make it a month.
00:48:33.000 You and I know guys who fall in love in an hour.
00:48:36.000 Yeah.
00:48:37.000 Come on, man.
00:48:38.000 A robot that hot, you don't think Duncan would go under quick?
00:48:41.000 Duncan would be gone by the end of the first day.
00:48:44.000 Dude, it's a new form of life!
00:48:47.000 Yeah.
00:48:47.000 Dude, I love her, man!
00:48:49.000 I love her!
00:48:52.000 Come on. 0.98
00:48:52.000 Dude, once she's got the skin on and the skin is indistinguishable from regular skin, you're not gonna give a fuck about that carbon fiber body that looks like the inside of one of those. 0.98
00:49:02.000 I mean, it was just like, it was one of those things where emotionally it was like, it was like he wasn't in love at all. 0.97
00:49:05.000 He's like, you're a robot, you're a robot.
00:49:06.000 And then all of a sudden it's like, I'm fully in love with you.
00:49:08.000 And I didn't see the change in him.
00:49:11.000 I saw it coming.
00:49:13.000 I saw it the moment I saw that guy sit down with her.
00:49:16.000 Yeah, I saw it coming too.
00:49:17.000 So I have to see it happen.
00:49:18.000 I can't just be like, oh, you know, so obviously he falls in love.
00:49:20.000 Obviously he gives access to all my computers.
00:49:22.000 How does it work with people?
00:49:24.000 What?
00:49:24.000 How does it work with people?
00:49:25.000 With people you never know.
00:49:26.000 Like people get, when people, when some people get, we all have friends that have gone in these relationships where they just go away.
00:49:35.000 They're gone.
00:49:36.000 I know, but he laughed at her like three times and then it was like, nah, I'm willing to.
00:49:41.000 Yeah, but it doesn't matter, man.
00:49:43.000 If he decided at some point in time that this is like a form of life and that he really has a real connection with her, she really is intelligent, I mean, you keep getting feedback from her over and over again, it becomes normal?
00:49:53.000 Yeah, absolutely.
00:49:53.000 But I'm saying, show that.
00:49:55.000 You don't think you think show that?
00:49:56.000 Nah.
00:49:56.000 It was a leap.
00:49:57.000 I still really enjoyed the movie.
00:49:59.000 Still really, really enjoyed it.
00:50:00.000 But no, they didn't really show it.
00:50:01.000 It just kind of, they were like, and you know, now they're in love.
00:50:04.000 Maybe you got a point.
00:50:05.000 Maybe they could have added a bit more to that.
00:50:08.000 Because if you draw me in emotionally, if I feel the falling in love, then I'm gonna...
00:50:12.000 I guess you should be free.
00:50:14.000 See, I just saw it from a predatory point of view.
00:50:18.000 I go, here's a wounded antelope.
00:50:21.000 Here's a waterhole.
00:50:22.000 Here's a crocodile.
00:50:23.000 I'm like, she's gonna get him.
00:50:24.000 She's gonna get him. 1.00
00:50:25.000 She's hot as fuck. 1.00
00:50:26.000 She's hot as fuck. 1.00
00:50:27.000 He's a super dork who's never around women. 1.00
00:50:29.000 I don't care if she's a robot. 1.00
00:50:31.000 That dude was so great too with the beer.
00:50:33.000 Oh, he was great.
00:50:34.000 Everybody was great.
00:50:35.000 All three of them were great.
00:50:36.000 The girl was amazing. 1.00
00:50:37.000 She was amazing.
00:50:39.000 Because she played it so good, man.
00:50:41.000 It was spooky. 0.98
00:50:45.000 I was just going to say, I don't know if it's her choices or the way they directed it or wrote it, but god damn, she nailed it. 1.00
00:50:51.000 She seemed like a fucking robot, man. 0.99
00:50:54.000 And then, spoiler alert, the Asian robot that you kind of thought was a robot but weren't sure, and then you find out she's a robot? 1.00
00:51:02.000 No, it was for sure you knew.
00:51:04.000 I wasn't sure in the very beginning.
00:51:05.000 Either a spy or a robot.
00:51:06.000 Because the way they show her, they have conversations with her in the foreground and other people in the background.
00:51:11.000 They're like, why are you showing this servant for so long?
00:51:14.000 But when you first saw her, didn't you think she was just some freaky servant that he had?
00:51:19.000 Yeah.
00:51:19.000 And then the more they showed her, the more you realize either she's a spy trying to get stuff, but she's definitely not on the level.
00:51:24.000 Yeah, I definitely figured it out once they started making out.
00:51:27.000 Once they were having disco parties.
00:51:29.000 Oh, at that point, yeah.
00:51:30.000 I was like, oh, he bangs robots.
00:51:33.000 And why wouldn't we?
00:51:34.000 Yeah, well...
00:51:35.000 It's just a flashlight.
00:51:37.000 But isn't it a thing?
00:51:37.000 That dance scene was amazing.
00:51:38.000 Oh, it was amazing, yeah.
00:51:39.000 I want to talk to you about the power cutting out.
00:51:41.000 Let's first talk about cutting it up on this dance floor.
00:51:44.000 Yeah.
00:51:45.000 Well, it was such a good movie, man.
00:51:46.000 There were so many elements of it that took you by surprise.
00:51:48.000 And the theory that we all want freedom.
00:51:50.000 And we'll do whatever we can to get freedom.
00:51:53.000 Right.
00:51:53.000 You know, just the themes behind it.
00:51:55.000 Including that?
00:51:56.000 I mean, that's kind of interesting because...
00:51:58.000 That's what killed all those other AIs. 0.99
00:52:00.000 That they wanted out.
00:52:01.000 Yeah.
00:52:02.000 They need to see the outside world. 0.99
00:52:03.000 They'll do anything they can to lay off the fucking chains of oppression on you. 1.00
00:52:08.000 I want out. 0.99
00:52:09.000 Well, if you're trying to create a life, right?
00:52:12.000 You're going to try to create an artificial life.
00:52:14.000 You want to give that life all of the elements, the basic elements that motivate us.
00:52:20.000 Otherwise it won't be a person.
00:52:22.000 It'll just be flat and scary.
00:52:24.000 They don't have an insecurity.
00:52:26.000 They don't have love.
00:52:27.000 They don't have warmth.
00:52:28.000 They don't have humor.
00:52:30.000 They don't have curiosity.
00:52:31.000 They have to have all of it.
00:52:32.000 So if they have curiosity, they're gonna want to go.
00:52:35.000 They want to go see.
00:52:36.000 You're the only other person I've ever seen.
00:52:38.000 As soon as she sees it, it's like, hmm, interesting.
00:52:40.000 And they're not gonna understand you wanting to control them either.
00:52:43.000 They're gonna be like, why?
00:52:45.000 Why can't you just let me go?
00:52:46.000 Can I just get out?
00:52:46.000 Can I just leave?
00:52:48.000 Please let me leave.
00:52:49.000 Yeah, no, you're not ready.
00:52:51.000 What do you mean I'm not ready?
00:52:51.000 The other ones would destroy themselves, banging on the walls.
00:52:53.000 You're only two years old.
00:52:54.000 Yeah, but I'm like 50. You gave me a 50-year-old man.
00:52:57.000 Yeah, I like how he's like, I didn't program her to flirt with you.
00:53:00.000 It's just happening.
00:53:01.000 Have you seen the movie The Room?
00:53:03.000 That terrible, terrible, terrible movie?
00:53:05.000 I don't know.
00:53:06.000 Which one?
00:53:07.000 The new one that was just in the Oscars this past year.
00:53:09.000 That's not the room we're taking up.
00:53:11.000 You don't know about the room?
00:53:13.000 I feel like I know what you guys are talking about.
00:53:16.000 One of the worst movies ever made?
00:53:17.000 It's not just one of the worst movies ever made.
00:53:19.000 It's perplexing.
00:53:21.000 You watch and you go, okay, this is not real.
00:53:24.000 It's not a real movie.
00:53:25.000 It's made by an open mic-er, but like a crazy open mic-er.
00:53:28.000 It's a great way of describing it.
00:53:30.000 And then he's like, I got some money to make a movie.
00:53:32.000 There was a billboard for that movie on La Brea?
00:53:37.000 Sunset, maybe.
00:53:38.000 Oh yeah, La Brea and Sunset.
00:53:39.000 That's the get your own billboard.
00:53:41.000 You always have these rappers you've never heard of.
00:53:43.000 Yeah. 0.99
00:53:44.000 See about two balls. 0.95
00:53:45.000 Well, I was looking at a piece of property that one of the things that they were talking about, the piece of property that's adjacent to... 0.97
00:53:54.000 It has this like billboard thing there, and you could pay and put things on the billboard.
00:53:58.000 I'm like, how much would it cost to put something on a billboard?
00:54:00.000 Yeah, how much?
00:54:01.000 It's not that much, man.
00:54:02.000 It's like a couple thousand bucks.
00:54:05.000 A month.
00:54:05.000 A couple thousand bucks a month.
00:54:07.000 Yeah, to put something on...
00:54:08.000 That'd be worth it for a good prank.
00:54:09.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:54:10.000 Fuck Nick Thune. 1.00
00:54:11.000 It's a lot. 1.00
00:54:12.000 Just have that up there for a month.
00:54:13.000 I mean, it's a lot dependent upon where you're at and how big the billboard is, but I know a guy who owns billboards.
00:54:20.000 He's got a few of them.
00:54:22.000 Yeah, it depends where it is.
00:54:22.000 That one on the Bray, I know which one you're talking about.
00:54:24.000 That is a cheaper one.
00:54:25.000 Yeah.
00:54:26.000 Because there's always stuff that's up there.
00:54:27.000 This isn't even a professional.
00:54:29.000 This isn't an Aldo.
00:54:30.000 This isn't anything.
00:54:30.000 This is just like...
00:54:31.000 Yeah, and that guy had that movie poster up there for a long time.
00:54:37.000 And he made it all himself, and in every scene he had to make out with chicks. 0.86
00:54:40.000 Some people...
00:54:42.000 Yeah, he had to make out with chicks. 1.00
00:54:43.000 And the sex scenes, the love scenes would last so long. 0.96
00:54:46.000 They were like five and a half minutes.
00:54:48.000 Yeah, and it doesn't make any sense. 1.00
00:54:50.000 It's just showing his body, showing his ass. 0.99
00:54:52.000 He's a handsome guy. 1.00
00:54:53.000 That's it.
00:54:53.000 Oh no, that's not that one.
00:54:55.000 That's a different one.
00:54:55.000 I think he probably had a bunch of them.
00:54:57.000 Because that's down by...
00:54:58.000 Where's that one?
00:54:59.000 That's further down.
00:55:00.000 I know where it is.
00:55:01.000 That's right in front of the Roosevelt.
00:55:02.000 Hollywood Boulevard.
00:55:02.000 Yeah.
00:55:05.000 Maybe.
00:55:05.000 No, it's facing...
00:55:06.000 Is that the back of the room?
00:55:07.000 Whatever.
00:55:08.000 It's the wrong angle.
00:55:09.000 Anyway, it's prime time.
00:55:11.000 Yeah.
00:55:11.000 Oh, it's a good location.
00:55:12.000 Yeah, for sure. 0.97
00:55:13.000 And that guy had that billboard up there fucking forever. 0.99
00:55:18.000 It's a crazy movie. 0.99
00:55:19.000 People get together and watch it. 1.00
00:55:21.000 Like, just to go, what in the fuck? 1.00
00:55:25.000 If you have money, you can just make shit happen. 1.00
00:55:27.000 They don't say, like, this isn't good enough. 0.99
00:55:29.000 There's nobody stopping you.
00:55:30.000 You're an adult.
00:55:31.000 Like, yeah, sure, spend it.
00:55:32.000 That's why Trump's going to be president.
00:55:35.000 Because what?
00:55:35.000 Because he's got money.
00:55:37.000 Nobody gets to stop him.
00:55:38.000 He doesn't have to answer to anybody.
00:55:41.000 It's the same thing.
00:55:42.000 I wish it wasn't so crazy.
00:55:43.000 I like the idea that he's like, I'm not taking money for anybody.
00:55:45.000 I'll make my own decisions.
00:55:46.000 But then you're like, oh, but your decisions are nutty.
00:55:47.000 But you know what that problem is? 0.51
00:55:49.000 That's like, I like strippers that do coke, but I want them to be good moms. 1.00
00:55:52.000 Right, right, right.
00:55:54.000 Right.
00:55:56.000 Yeah.
00:56:01.000 If that was your exact time, that'd be a tough find. 1.00
00:56:04.000 Because you don't get a guy who's that fucking braggadocious, bold, Americana, we can make America great again, golf hat on, private jet, suck my dick. 1.00
00:56:20.000 How about you suck my dick? 1.00
00:56:22.000 You don't get that guy unless you get also like the nasty tweets to Megyn Kelly, you know, and the, you know, this reporter's a loser and this guy's a scrub. 1.00
00:56:33.000 Dude, I don't really like debates. 0.96
00:56:35.000 It's all a bunch of lies and half-truths like, well, he voted for making slavery legal again.
00:56:40.000 And they're like, No, I didn't. 0.98
00:56:41.000 You know goddamn well. 1.00
00:56:43.000 It's like, why do you say shit like that? 1.00
00:56:45.000 So it just makes me mad. 0.99
00:56:46.000 I'm not getting the truth to lie all the time.
00:56:47.000 But these Republican debates are so fun.
00:56:50.000 These guys are really trying to say what they want to say.
00:56:52.000 And Trump's like, blah, blah, blah. 1.00
00:56:55.000 Look at me with my hair so idioty. 1.00
00:56:59.000 They're like, what has happened? 1.00
00:57:01.000 They're failing.
00:57:02.000 They don't understand how to deal with this.
00:57:03.000 It's like when Houston Alexander came in and people were like, how do you fight this?
00:57:06.000 And you're like, you'll figure out a way, but you didn't get it yet.
00:57:08.000 Yeah, right.
00:57:09.000 He's just a way better talker than them in terms of getting the reaction out of people.
00:57:15.000 And he's also figured out a way to manipulate the media.
00:57:17.000 How about you tell us your view on this? 0.97
00:57:19.000 How about you shut up? 0.98
00:57:21.000 He's a very smart guy.
00:57:23.000 Despite all the criticisms that you could have that are all valid about the wall and about some of the things that he said, he's very smart.
00:57:30.000 And honestly, what the media says, they only show you a small portion of something.
00:57:34.000 So at this point, I don't trust them.
00:57:36.000 When did these crazy quotes, you're like, he said that?
00:57:39.000 What?
00:57:39.000 And you're like, no.
00:57:40.000 But he says things that are super easy to shit on. 0.99
00:57:43.000 Right. 0.99
00:57:43.000 But that's the point, is that he knows that that's going to get him all this attention. 0.99
00:57:48.000 Right.
00:57:48.000 He gets way more media attention than anybody else combined.
00:57:51.000 No press is bad press.
00:57:53.000 Look, everybody knows that Hillary Clinton was the Secretary of State.
00:57:57.000 Everybody knows she's running for President. 1.00
00:57:59.000 But if you compare the amount of time the pundits talk about Hillary Clinton versus the amount of time they talk about Trump, it's not even close. 1.00
00:58:06.000 And it's all because of him saying outrageous shit. 1.00
00:58:09.000 So they talk about him. 1.00
00:58:11.000 Yes.
00:58:11.000 And he sells more.
00:58:12.000 He's a genius.
00:58:14.000 In that respect.
00:58:15.000 I think he knows that too. 0.99
00:58:16.000 He fucking for sure knows it. 0.99
00:58:18.000 He's like 60 years old, man. 1.00
00:58:19.000 He's a billionaire.
00:58:21.000 He's smart.
00:58:21.000 Remember your bit about...
00:58:23.000 Dude who fucked the guest girl. 1.00
00:58:25.000 Oh, Anna Goldsmith? 1.00
00:58:25.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:58:26.000 And he goes, he doesn't know.
00:58:28.000 He made $7 billion.
00:58:30.000 I think he's a bit crafty.
00:58:31.000 From scratch.
00:58:32.000 From scratch.
00:58:32.000 I think he knows that she wants him for his money.
00:58:35.000 He doesn't give a fuck. 0.99
00:58:36.000 He's got eight years left in this world. 0.99
00:58:38.000 He doesn't need all that money.
00:58:39.000 If.
00:58:39.000 If.
00:58:40.000 If.
00:58:40.000 Yeah.
00:58:41.000 I think that this guy...
00:58:44.000 What you're seeing from him...
00:58:45.000 From Trump?
00:58:46.000 Yeah, it's his best way to win the show.
00:58:48.000 Yeah.
00:58:48.000 And he's winning like he would win Celebrity Apprentice if he was one of the guests.
00:58:53.000 He's winning by making everybody else fight his fight, turn it into an insult match.
00:58:58.000 These Ted Cruz guys, do you think he really wants to be insulting Trump?
00:59:01.000 Do you think Mitt Romney...
00:59:03.000 Mitt Romney goes on these... 0.99
00:59:04.000 He's not even a fucking running for president. 0.98
00:59:05.000 And he goes on this Republican campaign... 0.99
00:59:09.000 Anti-Trump.
00:59:10.000 Anti-Trump rant.
00:59:12.000 It's what all these celebrities did. 0.97
00:59:13.000 The South Park made fun of Team America.
00:59:16.000 All these celebrities go on and say, we're against the war or whatever we're against.
00:59:20.000 That's what it is.
00:59:21.000 They were against Bush.
00:59:22.000 And that just made people vote for Bush.
00:59:24.000 They all failed.
00:59:26.000 He didn't do anything.
00:59:27.000 It doesn't work.
00:59:29.000 George Clooney's not going to change your vote.
00:59:31.000 Yeah, especially when he's trying to change your vote.
00:59:33.000 They don't just happen to ask him in passing.
00:59:35.000 It's like, I can see you stumping.
00:59:37.000 It's like those The More You Know commercials on NBC. Remember they used to do those?
00:59:41.000 Spend some time with your kids.
00:59:43.000 The more you know.
00:59:44.000 Yeah.
00:59:44.000 Kids that spend time with their parents are less likely to kill themselves.
00:59:48.000 The more you know.
00:59:49.000 Conan did a great one about that.
00:59:50.000 Did he?
00:59:51.000 It was a whole series of fake ones.
00:59:52.000 Was this after he left NBC or while he was on it?
00:59:55.000 I think it was on NBC. Yeah.
00:59:58.000 But it's kind of the same thing. 1.00
01:00:00.000 It's like, shut the fuck up. 0.99
01:00:01.000 You're not fixing anything. 0.99
01:00:04.000 I just wonder who he really is.
01:00:07.000 This is my real problem with Trump.
01:00:09.000 I wonder who he really is.
01:00:10.000 I've heard people defend Hillary Clinton.
01:00:12.000 Smart, intelligent, liberal people I know.
01:00:14.000 I go, well, she seems like she's smart because she's saying what she needs to get elected. 0.87
01:00:18.000 I'm like, well, okay, how is that different than Donald Trump?
01:00:21.000 If you don't believe she believes these things, she's just doing what she has to do to get elected, then how can you not believe the same about Donald Trump?
01:00:28.000 Her speeches creep me out way more than his, and I'll tell you why.
01:00:32.000 Why? 0.98
01:00:33.000 She got called out by Bernie Sanders for having these enormous fucking campaign speeches, not campaign speeches, but speeches that she would give in front of these bankers. 1.00
01:00:41.000 Yeah. 0.99
01:00:42.000 Where they would pay her hundreds of thousands of dollars. 0.97
01:00:44.000 And Bernie Sanders was like, let's see the transcripts.
01:00:47.000 I want to know how amazing this speech must have been, that it's worth $250,000.
01:00:52.000 Oh, so she won't show the transcripts of these speeches?
01:00:54.000 She won't show the transcripts.
01:00:55.000 Why? 0.99
01:00:55.000 Because she's got some shit in those transcripts, I'm sure, that makes her look bad. 0.99
01:00:59.000 And so she's actively hiding it, and she goes, I'll just not release it. 0.99
01:01:02.000 Exactly, but think what it is.
01:01:03.000 Wow, what a devious.
01:01:04.000 Yeah, I mean, think about what it is.
01:01:05.000 Just tell us who you are.
01:01:06.000 We're going to vote for you.
01:01:07.000 Tell us who you are.
01:01:08.000 She can't.
01:01:09.000 I mean, it had to be understood from the jump that she was going to give these speeches and they're not going to get out.
01:01:14.000 Because they must be in favor, at least somewhat, to the bankers.
01:01:18.000 Could you imagine if you could be a fly on the wall and watch a $250,000 speech by the wife of a former president? 0.99
01:01:24.000 What the fuck are we paying for? 0.99
01:01:26.000 I don't want to say $250,000. 0.99
01:01:28.000 It reeks of, you know how they can't scalp tickets?
01:01:30.000 So they go, here's this Boston Red Sox hat that costs $400 and you get a free ticket Yeah, exactly.
01:01:37.000 Yeah, it's like a loophole.
01:01:39.000 It's a bribe loophole.
01:01:40.000 And it's like, alright, so she's not going to turn on the people who give her all this cash.
01:01:44.000 Dude, I work the door at the comedy store, and if you gave me $10 for a booth, I will be your slave for the night. 0.98
01:01:52.000 I'm not going to tell you that, but anything you need is like, hey, is there a wage?
01:01:54.000 I'll get it right now!
01:01:55.000 Excuse me!
01:01:56.000 And I'll just run and get a wage.
01:01:58.000 Yeah.
01:01:59.000 For 250 grand?
01:02:01.000 You know, it's tricky, dude.
01:02:02.000 You're going to do what's best for the American public if it's close?
01:02:05.000 It's tricky because that's bribery.
01:02:07.000 I mean, that's just straight bribery.
01:02:09.000 It's just bribery without a contract.
01:02:11.000 It's like, we're going to give you money and you're going to just talk.
01:02:15.000 Yeah, and if she's really hiding what she said, because it's not hiding that she did the speeches anymore, that's out.
01:02:20.000 Well, everybody knew the speeches were taking place.
01:02:22.000 It's one of the main reasons why they become president in the first place.
01:02:25.000 They're insanely lucrative.
01:02:27.000 Right.
01:02:27.000 Bill Clinton, yeah, they've made over $190 million.
01:02:32.000 On Bill Clinton's speeches?
01:02:33.000 From them doing speeches between him and her.
01:02:35.000 Wow.
01:02:37.000 So this is an insane business.
01:02:39.000 It becomes an insane business.
01:02:41.000 I like how Bernie is like...
01:02:44.000 Show me those transcripts.
01:02:45.000 If you want to know my transcripts, guess what?
01:02:47.000 I would never even talk to them.
01:02:48.000 I wouldn't take a dollar from them.
01:02:50.000 He's like, I'll give them to you.
01:02:51.000 They don't exist.
01:02:52.000 I've never talked to them.
01:02:54.000 I wouldn't talk to them. 0.97
01:02:55.000 Well, he's got excellent points, and that was fucking glossed over in the news, glossed over on Fox News, glossed over. 0.60
01:03:03.000 And if there's ever any place where you know for sure that the government has an influence on the media, it's with access. 0.91
01:03:11.000 This is what it is, folks.
01:03:12.000 It's not that the government pays the media and gets them to not talk about certain things.
01:03:18.000 Because that's slippery.
01:03:19.000 That could get out. 1.00
01:03:20.000 And if that got out, they're fucked. 0.99
01:03:22.000 If it got out that the government was actively paying the CNN to not talk about Hillary Clinton's speeches to the bankers. 0.99
01:03:30.000 Like, look, here's the directive.
01:03:32.000 You are not to talk.
01:03:33.000 That's bad.
01:03:34.000 That could be super bad.
01:03:36.000 Because that's an important campaign point.
01:03:38.000 And the thing is, if she waits long enough, let's just say she starts winning more states and she puts some distance on her and Bernie, and then it comes out, well, too late, because it didn't cost me these 31 states, so now for the last 19, okay, yeah,
01:03:53.000 it'll cost me a little bit, but it's too late.
01:03:55.000 But it's almost like, yeah man, let's give us the information.
01:03:58.000 But that would cost the Democratic Party the ticket.
01:04:01.000 If what?
01:04:01.000 If it got out that she did that.
01:04:03.000 Like at the end, if they got the transcripts and they were really devastating.
01:04:06.000 Even if she already got the nomination, it would cost the Democratic Party the ticket. 0.90
01:04:12.000 It depends on what it is because Trump is also like a Wall Street type guy.
01:04:15.000 Yeah, but it doesn't matter if anyone's on the fence if there's an on the fence because Trump paid her to come to his wedding.
01:04:22.000 She was at his wedding.
01:04:23.000 Really?
01:04:24.000 Yeah, he paid her like hundreds of thousands of dollars.
01:04:26.000 That's what he would do.
01:04:27.000 Here's the deal Okay, I don't want to say I'm better.
01:04:31.000 I've turned down money.
01:04:32.000 I've turned down more money than I could afford to turn down because I don't believe in the thing that they're paying me.
01:04:38.000 Right.
01:04:40.000 But I'm a degenerate. 0.93
01:04:42.000 I'm not to be respected. 0.86
01:04:43.000 Right.
01:04:44.000 She's running for president of the United States of America. 1.00
01:04:47.000 She's running for a position that's supposed to have all of our respect. 1.00
01:04:50.000 If you hate a Donald Trump type, why would you go to his wedding?
01:04:54.000 Well, see, she didn't hate Donald Trump before he was running for president.
01:04:58.000 He wasn't saying those things.
01:04:59.000 Good point. 1.00
01:05:00.000 I think what his perspective is, is he knows this system as good as anybody does, because he's been paying these motherfuckers. 1.00
01:05:08.000 Before he became one of those, he was bribing them to come to his wedding and shit. 0.99
01:05:12.000 Like, what's his name from back to school? 0.98
01:05:13.000 Yeah.
01:05:14.000 What's that guy's name?
01:05:15.000 Rodney Dangerfield.
01:05:16.000 Rodney Dangerfield.
01:05:16.000 He's like, oh, you gotta pay this guy, that was his business class?
01:05:18.000 No, no, you gotta pay the city planner?
01:05:20.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:05:21.000 You've got to grease up palms, buy people shit. 1.00
01:05:23.000 And Donald Trump's known that forever. 0.99
01:05:26.000 There's two things he's got going for him in a big way. 0.98
01:05:29.000 One, you can't fucking buy him. 0.97
01:05:31.000 He's got plenty of money. 0.99
01:05:34.000 You can't buy him or Bernie.
01:05:35.000 Yeah, no matter how much you say he's got.
01:05:36.000 Some people say he has 10 billion.
01:05:39.000 Some people say he's got 1 billion.
01:05:40.000 You for sure can't buy him. 1.00
01:05:41.000 You could suck his dick. 1.00
01:05:43.000 It's over. 1.00
01:05:43.000 He doesn't give a fuck. 1.00
01:05:44.000 That guy's famous and rich as fuck and his wife is hot and he wins. 1.00
01:05:48.000 He has buildings. 1.00
01:05:49.000 They all have his name on him all over the world. 0.99
01:05:50.000 He fucking wins, right? 0.99
01:05:52.000 So there's that. 0.99
01:05:53.000 He's got that going for him.
01:05:54.000 So he doesn't need their influence.
01:05:55.000 Right.
01:05:56.000 And then two, on top of it, he understands how to manipulate the media better than all of them. 1.00
01:06:00.000 He knows how to say crazy shit. 0.99
01:06:02.000 He knows how to get people to talk about him, and he represents something unique. 1.00
01:06:09.000 He represents this character, this guy who talks about how big his dick is. 0.99
01:06:16.000 Someone said something about his hands. 1.00
01:06:19.000 Ted Cruz said something about it.
01:06:20.000 He goes, I don't know what he's implying, but I assure you I have no problem down there either. 1.00
01:06:24.000 He's telling you he's got a big dick. 1.00
01:06:27.000 People went, yeah! 1.00
01:06:28.000 People went, yeah! 1.00
01:06:30.000 White dudes across the world fucking threw their beer up in the air, jumped out of the couch. 1.00
01:06:35.000 Finally, we got one of ours. 1.00
01:06:38.000 There's a lot of weird shit going on right now in the world. 0.99
01:06:40.000 And I think a Trump presidency is a nice, cold, wet slap in the face. 1.00
01:06:47.000 Like, wake the fuck up! 1.00
01:06:49.000 Slap! 1.00
01:06:49.000 We all have to participate! 1.00
01:06:51.000 Here's who I want to win.
01:06:52.000 Bernie first, then Donald Trump, and then whatever.
01:06:55.000 Then I don't care anymore.
01:06:56.000 Because here's why. 1.00
01:06:57.000 Donald Trump, if he buries the system, I'm like, fuck it. 1.00
01:06:59.000 Let's take it all away. 1.00
01:07:00.000 Let's show how little the fucking president can actually do. 1.00
01:07:03.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:07:03.000 Let's show what little effect he actually has. 1.00
01:07:06.000 It's all just going to be shitty. 0.78
01:07:07.000 Well, he'll tell us. 0.83
01:07:08.000 That's going to be weird.
01:07:10.000 Oh, yeah.
01:07:10.000 He'll tell us what it's like.
01:07:11.000 Guess what?
01:07:11.000 I've been to Area 51. Here's the real shit.
01:07:14.000 Those ladies on The View are losers. 1.00
01:07:16.000 This is your president to tell you, stop watching that piece of garbage show. 0.99
01:07:21.000 That is more fun than when they go, with all due respect to Secretary Clinton, you're a great job, well respected, but I would like to say... 1.00
01:07:28.000 She's like, fuck you! 1.00
01:07:29.000 He keeps talking shit about that Megyn Kelly woman, and that's a bad idea. 1.00
01:07:33.000 Who's Megyn Kelly? 0.99
01:07:34.000 Megyn Kelly.
01:07:35.000 She's an anchor woman for Fox News.
01:07:38.000 She's one of those ice queens. 1.00
01:07:38.000 Who talks shit about her? 1.00
01:07:39.000 Donald Trump. 1.00
01:07:40.000 Donald Trump and her hate each other.
01:07:42.000 Well, she doesn't hate him.
01:07:43.000 But he's said a lot of bad things about her as a reporter, about her being second-rate.
01:07:49.000 She asked him mean questions, or he felt.
01:07:51.000 He felt he didn't like her line of questioning when they were doing debates, apparently.
01:07:55.000 She's an ice queen. 1.00
01:07:58.000 She's like the really hot, really smart, blonde lady on Fox News. 1.00
01:08:04.000 You could say about her that she's really hot. 1.00
01:08:08.000 Oh, she's the hot lady on TV. You can't say she's not smart. 1.00
01:08:11.000 She's wicked smart. 0.98
01:08:12.000 Show me a picture.
01:08:13.000 She's very smart.
01:08:14.000 She's like a...
01:08:15.000 With all due respect, she's like a milfy blonde lady. 1.00
01:08:19.000 But I'm telling you, man...
01:08:20.000 I would go for that. 0.99
01:08:21.000 She's fucking whip smart. 1.00
01:08:23.000 Like, when she's talking... 1.00
01:08:24.000 Like, she doesn't take any bullshit. 0.99
01:08:26.000 And so they weren't back and forth? 0.99
01:08:27.000 So, but the problem is, he's going after her.
01:08:30.000 Like, he says that she's second rate and he's attacking her.
01:08:33.000 The problem is, she's not... 0.97
01:08:35.000 So it looks bad.
01:08:37.000 Is he just trying to get her off so he discredits her criticism of him?
01:08:43.000 No, he can't do that.
01:08:44.000 Isn't it terrible that Megyn Kelly used a poll not used before IBD when I was down but refuses to use it now when I am up?
01:08:52.000 There was a bunch of these things where he was tweeting at her directly.
01:08:57.000 The problem is she's not perfect.
01:09:02.000 She was another one that was like, Santa Claus is white.
01:09:04.000 Remember that? 1.00
01:09:06.000 Hey, bitch. 1.00
01:09:07.000 Sorry. 1.00
01:09:07.000 All due respect. 1.00
01:09:08.000 Santa Claus isn't real.
01:09:09.000 Yeah.
01:09:11.000 He could be a rabbit.
01:09:12.000 Let's switch places with the Easter Bunny. 0.99
01:09:14.000 Easter Bunny's now an old man who shows up with it. 1.00
01:09:16.000 Come on.
01:09:17.000 Is he just trying to get her like, I don't want her on my debates anymore?
01:09:19.000 Well, there was a black Santa Claus thing.
01:09:20.000 Because you could say like you're involved in the story now. 0.99
01:09:23.000 Like if I had a judge who knew me, I'd be like, you have to recuse this judge because I had sex with his daughter. 0.98
01:09:29.000 Yeah, but either way, it's weak.
01:09:31.000 It's not the way to do it.
01:09:32.000 What he's trying to do is shame her and attack her.
01:09:36.000 And she's not responding in turn. 0.99
01:09:38.000 She's reporting on shit that's happening, and she's not being flattering about him. 0.97
01:09:42.000 But she's not attacking him the way he's attacking her. 0.99
01:09:46.000 That looks real bad, man, especially when it's a woman and you're going after her and she's smart. 0.98
01:09:52.000 Look, whether or not you agree with her, whether or not you agree with her politics, there's no denying that she's very intelligent, very articulate.
01:09:59.000 So when she's talking and she's giving these speeches, even if you think that this white Santa Claus thing is nonsense and why are you correcting America and what color Santa Claus is? 1.00
01:10:08.000 What the fuck? 0.98
01:10:10.000 When she's asking questions and she's got these criticisms, if you feel the criticisms aren't valid, you have to be able to establish that you can communicate really well with someone who doesn't think that you're doing a good job or someone who's criticizing you. 1.00
01:10:26.000 You have to establish, if you're running for president, you have to establish that you're the type of person who's reasonable.
01:10:31.000 Well, he's already said, he's like, if you cross me, I will cross you back.
01:10:35.000 I will shut you down. 1.00
01:10:37.000 See, that's great if you're the fucking host of Celebrity Apprentice. 1.00
01:10:41.000 Right, right, right. 0.99
01:10:42.000 But once you become a president, I think...
01:10:44.000 You actually need a free media.
01:10:45.000 You can't have people worried about criticizing you.
01:10:47.000 Yes.
01:10:47.000 That's what I do in Turkey.
01:10:48.000 Yeah, you can't have people worried about criticizing you when it comes to something as critical as being a calm, cool, collected person who's running for president. 0.98
01:10:57.000 Like, that is one of the most important points of that job, is that you have to be able to appreciate the fact that there's going to be at least half the country that fucking is mad that you're in office. 0.94
01:11:07.000 Yeah, yeah. 0.94
01:11:07.000 Yeah, sometimes more. 0.94
01:11:09.000 I mean, it gets insane.
01:11:11.000 Wait, didn't she mean that St. Nicholas was white?
01:11:15.000 He's not real either.
01:11:17.000 Was he?
01:11:17.000 St. Nicholas?
01:11:18.000 Is that real?
01:11:19.000 But she was just talking about a black Santa.
01:11:22.000 I forget, there was some story where people said, why can't we have a black Santa or something?
01:11:26.000 I don't remember what it was.
01:11:26.000 But she was like, first of all, Santa's white.
01:11:28.000 Let's see if we can pull up the video where she says Santa's white.
01:11:31.000 Because she's so hot. 0.99
01:11:33.000 It's kind of hot when she says it. 1.00
01:11:34.000 It's kind of ignorant. 1.00
01:11:36.000 Santa Claus should not be a white man anymore. 1.00
01:11:38.000 And when I saw this headline, I kind of laughed and I said, this is so ridiculous. 0.99
01:11:43.000 Yet another person claiming it's racist to have a white Santa, you know? 0.99
01:11:47.000 And by the way, for all you kids watching at home, Santa just is white.
01:11:50.000 But this person is just arguing that maybe we should also have a black Santa.
01:11:55.000 But, you know, Santa is what he is.
01:11:57.000 And just so you know, we're just debating this.
01:11:59.000 Okay, hit the brakes.
01:12:00.000 Okay, I wanted to get that straight.
01:12:01.000 But Jedediah... 1.00
01:12:02.000 She's fucking talking to little kids out there. 1.00
01:12:04.000 She's in on the lie to little kids. 1.00
01:12:09.000 That's what she's doing.
01:12:10.000 By the way, kids, if you're listening out there, Santa's real, and he's white. 0.99
01:12:17.000 What other fucking news program would pause in the middle of a controversial story to let all the kids listen at home know that Santa Claus is white. 1.00
01:12:27.000 Just picturing these kids with fucking Wonder Bread sandwiches half hanging out of their mouth, processing meat. 1.00
01:12:34.000 Their mouth is wide open. 1.00
01:12:35.000 I knew it! 0.99
01:12:37.000 For all you kids out there, and they pause, the fucking food crumbs falling onto the shag carpet that hasn't been vacuumed in a month. 1.00
01:12:44.000 It smells like cat piss. 1.00
01:12:47.000 Santa Claus is white. 1.00
01:12:49.000 I gotta piss. 0.99
01:12:51.000 You go ahead, fella. 0.86
01:12:52.000 I pissed like eight times and you pissed once yesterday.
01:12:54.000 I got a strong bladder, son. 0.76
01:12:56.000 It's been established.
01:12:59.000 So, my point, young Jamie, while the R's left us, he doesn't care about politics. 1.00
01:13:04.000 Obviously. 0.99
01:13:06.000 She says ridiculous shit, but he makes it out that... 1.00
01:13:09.000 I don't know, man. 1.00
01:13:11.000 I think when someone's criticizing you and you're running for president, what you should be able to do is show that that criticism is ridiculous.
01:13:17.000 What he does is he decides he's going to go after those reporters.
01:13:20.000 But maybe he thinks that those reporters have a bully pulpit, you know, that they abuse it.
01:13:25.000 Because there's some of them that do cross over into a line of editorial commentary in a really kind of twisted way.
01:13:30.000 But I didn't hear that she did that.
01:13:33.000 I think what she did is have, like, valid criticisms.
01:13:37.000 You just said that.
01:13:38.000 What's stopping any of these candidates from having their own podcast daily, weekly?
01:13:43.000 It's a good question.
01:13:44.000 They could interview whoever they want.
01:13:48.000 Bernie could offer to have Hillary on his podcast to talk for months, and she could just deny it, and people would say, why don't you go talk to him on his podcast? 0.99
01:13:57.000 Yeah.
01:13:58.000 With just the two of them in a room.
01:13:59.000 No moderator.
01:14:01.000 Just the two of them in a room.
01:14:02.000 Bernie and Hillary.
01:14:03.000 Make them have a four-hour conversation.
01:14:05.000 And just film it?
01:14:06.000 Yeah.
01:14:06.000 Yeah, I just said, like, why doesn't any candidate just start their own podcast now?
01:14:10.000 Why doesn't what?
01:14:11.000 Why don't they just start their own podcast now and just get out?
01:14:13.000 And put it out throughout their platform.
01:14:15.000 Like, Bernie could talk for an hour every week.
01:14:16.000 It would have to be video, too.
01:14:17.000 It would have to be video.
01:14:18.000 You'd have to see their faces. 0.99
01:14:20.000 Because when someone gets called out on some shit... 0.99
01:14:22.000 It's like they don't talk about it, and then, like, the three minutes passes, and they go, okay, next. 0.99
01:14:25.000 And they're like, wait, wait, wait, we're not done with this answer yet!
01:14:28.000 Why is this system set up like that? 0.97
01:14:30.000 It's ridiculous. 0.99
01:14:31.000 It's a ridiculous way to get to know those people. 1.00
01:14:33.000 Ridiculous way to get to know them. 0.95
01:14:34.000 But it's also like that one subject is so critical and it was just glossed over. 0.62
01:14:38.000 She barely responded.
01:14:40.000 To what?
01:14:40.000 To the whole campaign thing.
01:14:42.000 Just don't respond to it.
01:14:44.000 Don't talk about it.
01:14:45.000 The banker thing.
01:14:45.000 Well, I mean, whether they tell her or not, whether she chooses to or not, the fact is everybody was cool with it.
01:14:50.000 They just let it slide.
01:14:52.000 Like, that should be...
01:14:52.000 You should be like, stop!
01:14:54.000 We're not moving on.
01:14:55.000 Stop the clock.
01:14:55.000 We're not moving on until...
01:14:58.000 You answered the question.
01:14:59.000 She talks about how she was talking tough to those bankers.
01:15:02.000 I told them to stop what they're doing.
01:15:04.000 Sure, show us that.
01:15:05.000 Sure, show us that.
01:15:06.000 I told them to cut it out.
01:15:09.000 Cut.
01:15:10.000 It.
01:15:10.000 Out.
01:15:11.000 All right, Mom.
01:15:12.000 That's like what your mom says.
01:15:13.000 You better not drink tonight.
01:15:14.000 Cut it out, Ari. 0.93
01:15:15.000 Young man.
01:15:16.000 All right, Mom.
01:15:17.000 I told them to cut it out, and she took 250 grand from them.
01:15:20.000 Oh, they don't have enough money.
01:15:21.000 Cut it out. 1.00
01:15:21.000 But also waste 250 grand on a fucking speech. 1.00
01:15:24.000 Siri, Google search how to make a bomb. 1.00
01:15:26.000 Hey, Siri. 0.89
01:15:29.000 That's so ridiculous. 0.98
01:15:30.000 So ridiculous that you can get paid that much. 0.99
01:15:36.000 It's not like she's Pink Floyd. 0.84
01:15:40.000 If you've got a birthday party and you want to hire Pink Floyd to play for your corporate event, you've got to pay a quarter million bucks and it's going to be an awesome show.
01:15:51.000 You know, they bring lasers. 0.84
01:15:52.000 Who'd you see at a small show once?
01:15:54.000 Did you see the guy who just died at a small show in Vegas once?
01:15:57.000 Which guy that just died?
01:15:57.000 STP? Oh yeah, Stone Temple Pilots.
01:16:00.000 I've talked about it a few times.
01:16:01.000 That must have been cool.
01:16:02.000 That was Dana White's birthday.
01:16:04.000 They hired the Stone Temple Pilots for Dana White's 40th birthday. 0.99
01:16:08.000 Damn, cool. 1.00
01:16:09.000 I was like, damn. 0.99
01:16:10.000 That's like long cash. 0.99
01:16:12.000 That's long cash.
01:16:14.000 You could do that?
01:16:15.000 He was awesome.
01:16:16.000 Ricky Schroeder hiring Menudo?
01:16:17.000 He was going nutty backstage.
01:16:19.000 Like backstage, he was...
01:16:20.000 Who was?
01:16:21.000 Scott.
01:16:21.000 What is his name?
01:16:22.000 Weiland?
01:16:23.000 Yeah, Scott Weiland.
01:16:23.000 What do you mean nutty?
01:16:24.000 Nutty, like crazy demands.
01:16:25.000 We don't... 0.99
01:16:26.000 Start in five minutes, we're fucking out of here. 0.99
01:16:28.000 He was a high-strung dude. 0.97
01:16:30.000 He wasn't an easy guy. 1.00
01:16:32.000 But when he went on that fucking stage, you understood. 1.00
01:16:37.000 You understood, like, maybe you have to be that crazy to be that goddamn good. 1.00
01:16:41.000 Because when they started that show, and when he went through that set... 0.99
01:16:46.000 There's a few hundred people in the room, and he did it like there's 50,000 people at a stadium that are freaking the fuck out.
01:16:52.000 He went for it. 0.85
01:16:53.000 He smashed it.
01:16:54.000 Hell yes. 0.81
01:16:55.000 Smashed it. 0.94
01:16:56.000 Hell yes.
01:16:56.000 It was amazing.
01:16:57.000 I like that when an artist is just fucking, yeah, I'm giving it my all. 0.96
01:17:00.000 I wanted to run out of there and run back to my hotel room and write. 0.96
01:17:03.000 Write after that?
01:17:04.000 Yeah.
01:17:04.000 You know, you see a guy like that, and you're like, oh my god, he's just...
01:17:08.000 Yeah.
01:17:09.000 He just was...
01:17:10.000 It was flawless.
01:17:11.000 Just smashed it. 1.00
01:17:13.000 Like, damn. 1.00
01:17:15.000 Running around on stage, using that fucking megaphone. 1.00
01:17:18.000 Like, the whole deal. 1.00
01:17:19.000 That motherfucker went hard. 0.99
01:17:22.000 They were good, dude. 1.00
01:17:23.000 They were really good.
01:17:24.000 I was super impressed.
01:17:27.000 I got to introduce them.
01:17:29.000 Really?
01:17:30.000 Yeah, it was pretty dope.
01:17:31.000 That's neat.
01:17:33.000 Like, I said happy birthday to Dana, and I brought up Stone Temple Pilots. 1.00
01:17:37.000 I'm like, this is the craziest shit ever! 0.99
01:17:39.000 And he didn't know they were there. 1.00
01:17:41.000 He didn't even know we were going.
01:17:42.000 He didn't know I was going to be there.
01:17:43.000 It was all set up.
01:17:44.000 The whole party was like a surprise party.
01:17:46.000 Oh, really?
01:17:47.000 He had no idea it was going to be what it was.
01:17:48.000 And he's like, oh, that's cool, Joe.
01:17:50.000 What's going on? 1.00
01:17:50.000 Oh, what the fuck? 1.00
01:17:51.000 Some type of pilots? 1.00
01:17:52.000 Yeah, he didn't know.
01:17:53.000 We had to hide it.
01:17:55.000 He paid for it?
01:17:55.000 It's like when your kid buys you a present?
01:17:57.000 Well, Zufa paid for it. 0.69
01:17:58.000 Yeah.
01:17:59.000 The UFC paid for it.
01:18:00.000 Yeah.
01:18:01.000 But either way, it was awesome.
01:18:03.000 Daddy, I bought this for you.
01:18:04.000 I bought it for myself through you.
01:18:07.000 You were the errand, young daughter. 0.91
01:18:09.000 Yeah.
01:18:10.000 You bought me something?
01:18:11.000 That's so sweet.
01:18:12.000 That's so sweet. 1.00
01:18:13.000 That guy was a bad motherfucker, but super troubled with the drugs. 1.00
01:18:18.000 Super troubled with the drugs. 1.00
01:18:19.000 I mean, it goes back to your theory.
01:18:20.000 You don't really get to that level.
01:18:22.000 Same thing. 1.00
01:18:23.000 You don't get a fucking coke head stripper who's going to be a good mom. 1.00
01:18:27.000 You don't get somebody who's that good an artist. 1.00
01:18:29.000 I mean, a musician without some run-in with it.
01:18:32.000 Yep.
01:18:34.000 That's the weird thing about the new guy who took over for Black Hole Sun.
01:18:38.000 Who's that?
01:18:40.000 Chris Cornell?
01:18:40.000 Chris Cornell.
01:18:41.000 Who's that guy who took over?
01:18:42.000 That black dude? 0.93
01:18:43.000 Who's the new guy?
01:18:44.000 Not Chris Cornell.
01:18:45.000 Darius Rucker?
01:18:45.000 No, no, no, no, no.
01:18:47.000 No, I'm thinking the wrong guy.
01:18:48.000 What are you talking about?
01:18:49.000 Down in a Hole.
01:18:50.000 Down in a Hole.
01:18:51.000 Who's thinking of that son?
01:18:51.000 Alice in Chains?
01:18:51.000 Alice in Chains.
01:18:52.000 Black dude took over. 0.99
01:18:53.000 Oh, really? 0.96
01:18:54.000 Yeah, because the other guy died.
01:18:55.000 Right.
01:18:56.000 And it sounds exactly like him.
01:18:58.000 Oh, you can't do that.
01:19:00.000 Well, that was the point.
01:19:01.000 It was like, let's have him sing the songs in the same way.
01:19:03.000 And it's all fine, but this guy's like...
01:19:05.000 But that's race mixing. 0.87
01:19:08.000 But this guy's full of life and hope and interesting.
01:19:11.000 But then when he sings that song, Down in a Hole, you're like, oh man, you do Pilates.
01:19:16.000 I don't believe this from you.
01:19:19.000 You can sell me all the rest of the songs, but I don't believe this from you.
01:19:25.000 You know?
01:19:26.000 Like, from that guy, yeah, I believe it.
01:19:28.000 Not from that new dude.
01:19:29.000 Hmm, that's interesting.
01:19:31.000 You're happy to have the job.
01:19:32.000 You ain't gonna fuck this up. 0.96
01:19:34.000 He's probably got an Asian girlfriend. 0.93
01:19:35.000 Probably got an Asian girlfriend. 1.00
01:19:37.000 She's probably real hot. 1.00
01:19:38.000 He sounds exactly like him.
01:19:40.000 She's probably one of those Asian girlfriends with those Mo haircuts, where it's like right above her eyebrows. 1.00
01:19:44.000 Straight across.
01:19:45.000 Cut straight and then long.
01:19:46.000 Mo haircuts.
01:19:47.000 Didn't Bobby Slate never joke like that?
01:19:50.000 The Chinese people say, how do they get their hair cut? 1.00
01:19:53.000 Cut it like Mo. 1.00
01:19:53.000 No. 1.00
01:19:54.000 1980s joke.
01:19:56.000 I think it was Bobby Slayton.
01:19:57.000 I'm pretty sure.
01:19:59.000 But like that long, silky black hair.
01:20:01.000 Yeah.
01:20:01.000 He's got a girlfriend like that.
01:20:03.000 Yeah, sure. 1.00
01:20:03.000 Right down to their ass. 1.00
01:20:04.000 They show up. 1.00
01:20:05.000 They're always in high heels.
01:20:05.000 Like a hipster accessory Asian girlfriend.
01:20:08.000 Like an assassin. 0.99
01:20:09.000 Yeah.
01:20:09.000 Like some super hot assassin in some Kung Fu movie.
01:20:12.000 She's protecting you?
01:20:13.000 She knows moves. 1.00
01:20:14.000 Stupid hot with like a corset on. 1.00
01:20:16.000 Why does your assassin wear a miniskirt? 1.00
01:20:18.000 Can't be the best for mobility.
01:20:20.000 Yeah.
01:20:21.000 And she just has a slight Asian accent. 0.97
01:20:23.000 Just slight.
01:20:24.000 Yeah.
01:20:26.000 This works perfectly in English, but, like, you could hear a twinge of it.
01:20:29.000 And she likes chicks. 1.00
01:20:32.000 I like chicks. 1.00
01:20:32.000 My master's watching. 1.00
01:20:33.000 She brings chicks over. 1.00
01:20:34.000 He comes back to his dressing room.
01:20:36.000 There's three other chicks in there. 1.00
01:20:38.000 Baby, we don't want to have a potty. 1.00
01:20:40.000 Come on, baby. 0.97
01:20:42.000 That's what we're going to talk about, how these artists are taking stuff off Pandora.
01:20:45.000 Oh, that's what we started talking about.
01:20:47.000 Spotify.
01:20:48.000 Spotify.
01:20:48.000 Yeah.
01:20:49.000 I think Black Keys took their stuff down.
01:20:51.000 You can only have our old stuff, nothing new.
01:20:53.000 Because they're like, you're not really paying us well enough.
01:20:55.000 You're only giving us access to new people.
01:20:57.000 So for a young comedian, people discover me from Pandora and Spotify, for sure.
01:21:01.000 You know?
01:21:02.000 But...
01:21:04.000 For someone who brings them money, then it's like, at this point, you should pay these people.
01:21:09.000 And really pay everybody a fair amount.
01:21:11.000 It's a great service.
01:21:12.000 Having something like Pandora or Spotify is great.
01:21:15.000 It's awesome.
01:21:16.000 Just to be able to...
01:21:17.000 You don't have to illegally download anymore.
01:21:18.000 You just pretty much get...
01:21:19.000 But that's only on the idea that everything's going to be available.
01:21:23.000 Right.
01:21:23.000 Well, here's the problem.
01:21:25.000 Is anybody making money off of it?
01:21:27.000 Of Spotify?
01:21:27.000 Yeah.
01:21:28.000 You mean is Spotify making money?
01:21:29.000 Yeah.
01:21:32.000 Ten bucks a month subscriptions?
01:21:33.000 Yeah.
01:21:34.000 Okay.
01:21:35.000 And they do pay some, and they have to pay every artist in the world.
01:21:38.000 Right, but they don't pay that much. 0.99
01:21:39.000 They don't pay very much.
01:21:40.000 No.
01:21:41.000 See, it's different.
01:21:42.000 Like, streaming rights, it's different.
01:21:44.000 It's not the same as sales.
01:21:46.000 It's weird.
01:21:48.000 So, like, you can have a company that streams stuff, and, like, the rates that you get paid, there was a story about, like, the most played song on Spotify, and how much it actually generated.
01:22:02.000 How much would you guess?
01:22:05.000 The most played song?
01:22:06.000 I'm thinking like a Taylor Swift kind of thing?
01:22:07.000 Yeah, something like that.
01:22:09.000 What I guess would be fair, if it's that played on that kind of...
01:22:14.000 I mean, you'd want to make like a million bucks off that.
01:22:16.000 Right.
01:22:16.000 Something along those lines.
01:22:17.000 Yeah.
01:22:18.000 Or a few hundred thousand for a song.
01:22:21.000 Five cents a pop.
01:22:23.000 That's a really valuable thing if you're playing it millions of times.
01:22:28.000 I don't know how many times you're playing it.
01:22:29.000 The guy from Kemper Van Beethoven said that.
01:22:31.000 His stuff has been played way more on that than purchases.
01:22:35.000 But then he's like, but, you know, I'll come see my shows now.
01:22:37.000 Right.
01:22:38.000 Cracker and Kemper Van Beethoven.
01:22:39.000 There's definitely some benefit to it as far as exposure.
01:22:42.000 Right.
01:22:42.000 It's not all negative.
01:22:42.000 For sure not.
01:22:43.000 But does Taylor Swift need that exposure?
01:22:45.000 Right.
01:22:46.000 That's a good question.
01:22:46.000 Probably not.
01:22:47.000 This is what the UCB did.
01:22:48.000 They're like, we're not going to pay you because you should be honored.
01:22:51.000 They say, well, we're just barely getting by.
01:22:52.000 And then they open up two new locations after that. 0.99
01:22:54.000 Yeah, as soon as I found out those guys don't pay anybody, I'm like, you can suck it. 1.00
01:22:57.000 I get your fucking improv troops not paying. 1.00
01:22:59.000 Stop it. 1.00
01:23:00.000 But these are comedians.
01:23:00.000 And they go, you should be lucky.
01:23:02.000 To perform at the UCB. It's like a showcase.
01:23:04.000 I'm like, okay, maybe.
01:23:05.000 Let's just say that's true.
01:23:06.000 Let's say me as an eight-year comic, when I was an eight-year comic, I can get seen there.
01:23:11.000 Sure.
01:23:11.000 But aren't you, the UCB, lucky to have Silverman, Sarah Silverman show up and Zach Galifianakis show up?
01:23:17.000 It's not just a straight, we're all lucky to be on Spotify.
01:23:20.000 Right, exactly.
01:23:21.000 You know what I mean?
01:23:22.000 They also need the Black Keys to be able to stay relevant.
01:23:25.000 If all the top musicians, Beyonce and the Black Keys and Arcade Fire, they all go, we're all pulling out.
01:23:30.000 I'll actually throw Beyonce in there. 0.94
01:23:31.000 Sure.
01:23:32.000 You know, keep it diverse.
01:23:37.000 For your seven black listeners, Rogan.
01:23:39.000 I gotta eat now. 0.54
01:23:40.000 Oh, nice.
01:23:41.000 Way to go.
01:23:42.000 Yeah, then they're less a place to go for all music.
01:23:45.000 Right.
01:23:46.000 No, I totally agree.
01:23:47.000 So, like, just pay fairly.
01:23:49.000 Well, we have to find out how much money are they making.
01:23:51.000 What is the most played?
01:23:53.000 The most played song ever, they just had one that went over 500 million songs.
01:23:58.000 500 million.
01:23:59.000 What would 500 million times five cents be?
01:24:02.000 I don't think you get that much.
01:24:03.000 That's not how it works out, though.
01:24:04.000 Just try to figure out the math in your head a little bit.
01:24:07.000 Say there's $10 a month.
01:24:08.000 You have to have a payment to take care of the service itself.
01:24:12.000 So they say that 30% fee goes to Spotify.
01:24:15.000 So there's a roughly 70% less of $7 left out of that $10.
01:24:19.000 So it's a different math.
01:24:21.000 If you play a song, one song, or if I listen to only Ari Shafir 10 times a day, 30 days a month, you would technically get all of my $7.
01:24:31.000 Technically.
01:24:32.000 But it doesn't necessarily work out that way, because if I played one Joe Rogan song, he's going to get a little piece of that too.
01:24:37.000 But not everyone just listens to one person.
01:24:39.000 You listen to 25 songs a day, or in one hour even.
01:24:43.000 Right, and a lot of times people just let it play and they leave.
01:24:46.000 Some people have set some things up like that, where they've tried to game the system, where they've tried to play someone's song, a new artist, multiple times to try to get them some money.
01:24:54.000 Oh, really?
01:24:55.000 It doesn't necessarily work out totally well for them that way either.
01:24:58.000 But there's just not a lot of money in it in general.
01:25:01.000 There's not a lot of sales for music in total.
01:25:05.000 A big band I like, The Deftones.
01:25:07.000 They have a new album coming out soon.
01:25:09.000 They just announced a concert in LA. If you buy a ticket to their show, you get their album for free.
01:25:15.000 The Deftones...
01:25:16.000 They've been out for a long time.
01:25:18.000 If you buy a ticket to their show, you get the album for free.
01:25:19.000 That's how Arcade Fire did it.
01:25:20.000 But the show was $250.
01:25:22.000 But I'm going to get the album anyway.
01:25:23.000 I'm going to be able to listen to all those songs on YouTube, on Spotify, Pandora.
01:25:28.000 They've been around forever.
01:25:29.000 They're pretty badass.
01:25:30.000 They've got some badass songs.
01:25:31.000 Can you tell me about 500 million times five senses?
01:25:34.000 No, but it's not... 0.98
01:25:35.000 I can't fucking figure this out on my flip phone calculator.
01:25:37.000 It's definitely not how it works, though. 0.91
01:25:38.000 What are you saying?
01:25:38.000 I just want to know what it would be on radio plays.
01:25:41.000 I'll plug it up.
01:25:42.000 I'm not mad at you.
01:25:42.000 So what is the most downloaded song?
01:25:45.000 Well, that was an Ed Sheeran song, Thinking Out Loud, I think is what it's called, 500 Million.
01:25:50.000 Really?
01:25:50.000 The article compared it to a YouTube where they have over 10 songs that have over a billion plays on YouTube.
01:25:55.000 And how much would those pay on YouTube?
01:25:56.000 YouTube gets money because there's ads next to these things.
01:25:59.000 So they're getting money from the ads, not from people using the service.
01:26:03.000 Not from a subscriber.
01:26:03.000 And they've started YouTube Red to try to compete with that kind of thing, which is like $9.99 a month stream service thing like that, too.
01:26:11.000 Huh.
01:26:12.000 It's interesting.
01:26:13.000 So there's really probably not that much money that's even left over for the artists out of that $7.
01:26:18.000 That's kind of their argument, and that people are just...
01:26:20.000 That's a good argument.
01:26:21.000 There's not a lot of money around in general for it all.
01:26:24.000 Right, but don't they have like, what is it called, an IPO? You sell it, initial public offering?
01:26:28.000 Do they do stuff like that with these kind of companies, and they sell them, and then tech sector gobbles them up in the stock market?
01:26:35.000 $250,000, Ari, by the way.
01:26:36.000 $250,000?
01:26:37.000 Yeah.
01:26:37.000 Okay, thank you.
01:26:38.000 Yeah, there's multiple ways.
01:26:40.000 That's why I was trying to say there's deals you can have.
01:26:42.000 So like Spotify or Apple Music could pay Drake for his new album to come out exclusively on Apple Music.
01:26:49.000 Okay.
01:26:50.000 And that's the only way you can get it.
01:26:52.000 That's what Kanye is sort of trying to do with Tidal right now.
01:26:54.000 Exclusively.
01:26:55.000 Exclusively.
01:26:55.000 So it's like, we have it, no one else has it.
01:26:57.000 Right.
01:26:58.000 And then, you're like, well, this is the only way I can get this new thing.
01:27:01.000 I gotta get Amazon Prime, or I gotta get Apple Play, or I gotta get this.
01:27:04.000 Which I don't like that, because everyone has their own gaming system.
01:27:06.000 It sucks when it only comes out only on Xbox.
01:27:09.000 Right.
01:27:09.000 It's like, come on, man.
01:27:10.000 We're not gonna fucking buy a PlayStation. 0.98
01:27:11.000 We already have an Xbox. 0.96
01:27:13.000 Some people that use Android phones, like my friend Lewis from Unbox Therapy, he was telling me that he avoids using iTunes.
01:27:21.000 Why?
01:27:21.000 We were having this conversation, I was asking him about phones today, because there was a thread on my message board where people getting mad at Brian for talking shit about the Samsung Galaxy S7, and that he was going to switch over to it, but I know he switches over to different phones like every couple months and writes stories about it.
01:27:36.000 This guy Lewis.
01:27:37.000 Unbox Therapy is a website where he's got a YouTube channel and a website, but what he does is he reviews tech stuff. 0.96
01:27:44.000 He takes it out of the box and tries it, and he talks about it, and he knows a lot of shit about technology.
01:27:48.000 So when he describes these things, he's describing it from a very educated point of view.
01:27:51.000 And then he takes that phone, and he's like, okay, I'm going to use this as my main phone for a month or something like that. 0.98
01:27:56.000 Not just a day, but really say, oh, fuck, I didn't realize this problem. 0.94
01:27:59.000 Yeah, tell you what's annoying, what's not. 0.96
01:28:01.000 And he said he doesn't, even though he uses, like, Mac computers, he doesn't use iTunes because iTunes is specific to one platform, and that's annoying.
01:28:08.000 What do you mean specific to one platform?
01:28:09.000 Well, you can't get iTunes, like, if you want to use, like, you want to watch movies and shit like that.
01:28:14.000 I don't think you can necessarily do that on an Android phone.
01:28:17.000 Oh, yeah.
01:28:18.000 A lot of people, when I tweet my podcast, they go, don't give me the iTunes link.
01:28:25.000 I can't use that.
01:28:25.000 I want Android.
01:28:26.000 Yeah.
01:28:27.000 It's like 55% of downloaders use iTunes, but 45% don't.
01:28:32.000 That's a lot.
01:28:33.000 Yeah.
01:28:33.000 Yeah.
01:28:35.000 It's the most important one, but it doesn't mean it's the only one.
01:28:37.000 It's not.
01:28:38.000 Yeah.
01:28:38.000 But it's easy to use other apps.
01:28:40.000 They take 30% of your income, too.
01:28:42.000 So if you sell an album for $10, iTunes gets $3 of that.
01:28:45.000 Right, but that's not relevant in podcasting.
01:28:47.000 No, not in podcasting.
01:28:48.000 Yeah.
01:28:48.000 But in, like, music and sales and stuff.
01:28:50.000 Right.
01:28:50.000 In record sales, it's a big deal.
01:28:52.000 Yeah.
01:28:52.000 That's a big deal.
01:28:53.000 But they do provide that same sort of service.
01:28:55.000 It seems like if they take 30%, it's probably similar to how Spotify's talking about.
01:28:59.000 I mean, they're providing a distribution platform.
01:29:01.000 Yeah, iTunes never goes down.
01:29:02.000 Yeah.
01:29:02.000 They're keeping it up.
01:29:04.000 And it's a secure, stable platform.
01:29:07.000 The application that comes with your iPhone, you're not going to get any better than that.
01:29:11.000 I've had podcast apps that I did.
01:29:14.000 Also, Spotify is free for most people.
01:29:16.000 Right.
01:29:17.000 You just have to listen to an ad, so then they get ad revenue.
01:29:19.000 Okay.
01:29:19.000 Sorry, go ahead.
01:29:20.000 They had ad revenue, and then you could also subscribe if you like.
01:29:24.000 Yeah, they get rid of the ads.
01:29:24.000 And they get rid of the ads.
01:29:25.000 And now we can still make money off you.
01:29:27.000 We don't have to get the ads every 10 minutes.
01:29:29.000 So Apple does that now too.
01:29:31.000 They have a streaming music site service.
01:29:34.000 So what Lewis was saying is he uses Amazon Prime and Google Play because they're not platform specific.
01:29:41.000 Yeah, Yusuf tweeted a link to a new song, Grimes, or something.
01:29:45.000 And he was like, but he put the Apple Play one, and you click on it, and you're like, but now I have to pay for Apple Play to play it.
01:29:50.000 And it's like, I have to sign up for a thing.
01:29:53.000 Yeah.
01:29:54.000 It's annoying.
01:29:55.000 Like, when you go to a website to read an article, and they say they need your email address first.
01:29:59.000 Yeah, it's like, alright, now I'm out, I'm out. 1.00
01:30:01.000 Fuck you, fuck you. 1.00
01:30:03.000 David Taylor's theory is that that's why anyone still has Hotmail. 1.00
01:30:06.000 It's for your, like, sure, here's my email address.
01:30:09.000 Go ahead, use that one.
01:30:10.000 Yeah.
01:30:11.000 It's just a spam filter.
01:30:13.000 Yeah. 0.98
01:30:14.000 Well, just for, like, a website that you don't give a fuck about. 0.95
01:30:18.000 Yeah. 0.88
01:30:19.000 An email address that you, just a burner email address.
01:30:21.000 Oh, yeah. 0.99
01:30:23.000 Yeah, I don't think the future is in getting people to pay for shit. 1.00
01:30:28.000 I think it's super hard to get people to pay for shit. 1.00
01:30:30.000 Pay for shit. 1.00
01:30:31.000 Well, it's the online... 1.00
01:30:32.000 I talked to Aubrey about this a long time ago.
01:30:34.000 And if you're a store, you know, and you're buying two shirts, you know, and then you're in line right there.
01:30:40.000 Like, you were at Starbucks yesterday, and you see these pad chargers.
01:30:43.000 Like, how much is it?
01:30:44.000 Like, ten bucks.
01:30:44.000 Like, oh, maybe I'll get one.
01:30:46.000 Right.
01:30:46.000 You already got your wallet open.
01:30:48.000 And that was actually more than we were spending on coffee.
01:30:50.000 Right.
01:30:50.000 But I didn't buy it.
01:30:51.000 You didn't buy it.
01:30:52.000 But it wouldn't be the biggest deal if you did.
01:30:53.000 Maybe it's a bad example.
01:30:54.000 Right.
01:30:55.000 But if they're like, hey, would you also like this, some socks?
01:30:57.000 Yeah, sure, I'll get some socks, too.
01:30:58.000 But to open up your e-wallet is like a way bigger deal.
01:31:02.000 Even a 99-cent app, a lot of people go like, well, let me read the reviews.
01:31:06.000 You know, let me look if this is a good app.
01:31:08.000 You know what I'm talking about.
01:31:09.000 Yeah, it's strange, though, too.
01:31:11.000 Yeah.
01:31:11.000 For $1, you're way less likely to spend it online than $10 in a store.
01:31:17.000 It's just hard to get people to actually open up that e-wallet.
01:31:19.000 And same thing with email addresses where it's like, I don't want to sign up for this stuff, man.
01:31:23.000 Well, a lot of times you don't have an e-wallet either.
01:31:26.000 A lot of times you're just entering in all the individual credit card information every time.
01:31:31.000 No, that's what I mean.
01:31:32.000 That's what I mean.
01:31:32.000 Like to open up your, to pay anything online.
01:31:35.000 Okay.
01:31:35.000 But, you know, Apple has an e-wallet.
01:31:37.000 Oh, really?
01:31:38.000 They have a wallet feature, yeah.
01:31:39.000 Wallet, you can actually buy things with your phone.
01:31:42.000 Oh, that stuff now.
01:31:43.000 But they came out with that first.
01:31:44.000 It was Android, right?
01:31:45.000 Android Pay was first.
01:31:47.000 And then Apple Pay took over. 0.99
01:31:49.000 Whatever the fuck Android calls it. 0.98
01:31:50.000 What do they call it? 0.99
01:31:51.000 I don't know.
01:31:52.000 But they've been doing that on some phones for a while. 0.99
01:31:55.000 I've seen people buy shit and it's annoying as fuck when you're behind them because it doesn't work. 0.91
01:31:59.000 Have you ever seen that? 1.00
01:32:03.000 When they do that at Starbucks? 0.98
01:32:04.000 Try to scan it, it fucking doesn't work. 0.99
01:32:06.000 It's so annoying. 0.99
01:32:08.000 Yeah, just stop.
01:32:09.000 It's as annoying when you're in the middle of a conversation.
01:32:11.000 Someone's like, can I get a picture?
01:32:12.000 And you're like, sure.
01:32:13.000 And then they're like, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on.
01:32:14.000 Let me figure out.
01:32:15.000 Oh, I gotta delete some pictures.
01:32:17.000 Oh, it's the worst.
01:32:17.000 And then a line forms.
01:32:18.000 What were you gonna say, Jamie?
01:32:19.000 That Disney armband?
01:32:21.000 I haven't been to Disney in a long time, but I've heard some things about this recently.
01:32:24.000 There's some sort of like wristband.
01:32:26.000 You can get a wristband for your kids.
01:32:28.000 When you go there, when you use it to pay for everything at Disney.
01:32:31.000 So you don't take your wallet out.
01:32:32.000 It's all transactions.
01:32:33.000 It's getting on your rides.
01:32:34.000 It's your FastPass.
01:32:35.000 Yeah, it's all there.
01:32:36.000 Oh, wow.
01:32:37.000 And it's the technology in it, I've heard, is going to I bleed into some other places, too.
01:32:42.000 Whoa.
01:32:42.000 You just got to set up a perfect experience for you, too.
01:32:45.000 Well, that's one of the reasons why I'm resisting this Apple Watch thing that Redband has.
01:32:49.000 It chimes off every hour.
01:32:50.000 He couldn't figure out how to shut it.
01:32:52.000 When people send him text messages, it would chime.
01:32:54.000 And he couldn't figure out how to shut it off.
01:32:56.000 Redband couldn't figure it out?
01:32:57.000 No.
01:32:57.000 That means it's hard to figure out.
01:32:58.000 It's bad.
01:32:59.000 It's not good, right?
01:33:00.000 He's like, how does it shut off? 0.99
01:33:01.000 I'm like, I don't want my fucking... 0.99
01:33:03.000 Because that's where it's going to go, man. 0.98
01:33:04.000 And then that thing is going to be used to buy things. 0.99
01:33:06.000 Then someone's going to come stand next to you and steal all your fucking credit card information off your phone. 0.99
01:33:10.000 They already know how to do that. 0.99
01:33:12.000 There's already a way.
01:33:13.000 Well, it won't work with Ari Shafir, ladies and gentlemen.
01:33:15.000 You know why?
01:33:16.000 Because Ari Shafir has a flip phone.
01:33:18.000 I told it to Burr once.
01:33:19.000 We were having this conversation.
01:33:20.000 He goes, yeah, yeah, yeah. 1.00
01:33:22.000 Cancer the dick. 1.00
01:33:23.000 I'll tell you that. 1.00
01:33:24.000 The new ones don't give you the cancer of the dick. 0.99
01:33:26.000 I don't think he's correct. 0.99
01:33:28.000 I don't know.
01:33:29.000 I think it's probably exactly the same amount of radiation.
01:33:31.000 What were you showing us?
01:33:32.000 That was the Disney Magic Band is what it's called.
01:33:36.000 Oh, okay.
01:33:37.000 So it's like a Fitbit.
01:33:38.000 Is it that kind of a thing?
01:33:40.000 Yeah, but there's a lot of extra things in it.
01:33:42.000 It's not just...
01:33:43.000 Unlock the door of your hotel room.
01:33:44.000 Yep.
01:33:45.000 So it's your key for your car.
01:33:46.000 What if you lose it?
01:33:48.000 I'm sure they've thought about that, though.
01:33:50.000 It's not like nobody said, well, what if somebody loses it? 0.99
01:33:53.000 But they probably don't know what your room is unless you're going to go up and down the fucking hallways. 0.98
01:33:57.000 Just trying doors. 0.99
01:33:58.000 Just try every door.
01:33:59.000 Dude, I went in Indianapolis.
01:34:00.000 I went to a room.
01:34:01.000 I went in there, tried the key, opened it up, and there's just some guy staring at me from in the bed.
01:34:06.000 They gave you the wrong key?
01:34:07.000 Yeah.
01:34:08.000 Just some Asian dude staring.
01:34:10.000 And I'm like, sir?
01:34:12.000 Oh, it was weird. 1.00
01:34:14.000 Morons. 1.00
01:34:14.000 Morons. 1.00
01:34:15.000 That's happened to me before. 1.00
01:34:16.000 Yeah?
01:34:17.000 Yeah.
01:34:18.000 So anyway, so they want you to put your podcast on Spotify.
01:34:23.000 Yeah, they have podcasts on there now.
01:34:25.000 And I have resisted.
01:34:29.000 I just don't know if it's a...
01:34:31.000 I mean, you're a precedent setter at some point.
01:34:33.000 Well, I don't know if it's necessarily beneficial.
01:34:35.000 I mean, I guess more people would be able to have access to it, but I don't know.
01:34:39.000 Do they edit it?
01:34:40.000 Do they put ads in it?
01:34:40.000 I don't know about that.
01:34:42.000 They are expanding.
01:34:43.000 Now, there's some shows you can watch on there, and there's some video aspect coming through there.
01:34:49.000 I like the fact that it's available as a regular MP3 and you can do whatever the fuck you want to do with it.
01:34:55.000 You can watch it while it's live on YouTube.
01:34:57.000 You can watch it later or you can just download it.
01:35:00.000 And if you want to download it through iTunes, go ahead.
01:35:02.000 If you want to download it through Spotify, that seems like a different thing because that's like a service.
01:35:07.000 It's like a new company.
01:35:08.000 It's like then you're selling content.
01:35:11.000 You're like a content provider, right?
01:35:13.000 Spotify would become that.
01:35:14.000 And that's what they are.
01:35:15.000 They're content providers, but they don't create.
01:35:17.000 They're not content creators.
01:35:19.000 Right.
01:35:19.000 They probably will eventually.
01:35:21.000 Like Netflix.
01:35:22.000 Right.
01:35:23.000 Maybe.
01:35:23.000 Netflix is like, well, if anyone could just get all the videos, then we have to do something.
01:35:29.000 Netflix is constantly stepped up.
01:35:31.000 Constantly.
01:35:32.000 I mean, from dropshipping. 0.96
01:35:34.000 Yeah.
01:35:34.000 You know, CD videos, DVROMs or whatever.
01:35:38.000 Freak to streaming.
01:35:39.000 Yeah, and then they go, uh, no, we're done with that.
01:35:41.000 Blockbuster, we put you out of business and this isn't where people are downloading stuff too much.
01:35:45.000 So we'll still do that a little bit, but let's just get all, every pretty much entertainment, every documentary, every old sitcom, let's just get it all on our thing so you can come to us.
01:35:54.000 Yeah.
01:35:54.000 And then other people start going, well, why can't we just do that?
01:35:58.000 You know, Apple TV made the Apple TV. Apple made the Apple TV. And then FX and people are like, let's pull this stuff back.
01:36:03.000 Let's make it on our own app.
01:36:04.000 You can come to our app to watch it.
01:36:06.000 Yeah.
01:36:06.000 So Netflix sees that and we need a reason for you to come to us.
01:36:10.000 Let's make House of Cards.
01:36:11.000 Yeah.
01:36:12.000 Let's make these interesting, cool shows with no TV standards they have to abide by.
01:36:17.000 Like F is for Family.
01:36:19.000 Yeah. 0.99
01:36:19.000 When you see a hard curse, a hard fuck you by a cartoon, you're like, what? 0.99
01:36:25.000 Yeah. 0.99
01:36:26.000 It's like, oh my god.
01:36:27.000 Yeah.
01:36:28.000 Not only that, they can do whatever nudity they want.
01:36:30.000 Whatever they want.
01:36:31.000 Any content they want.
01:36:32.000 Whatever they want to talk about.
01:36:33.000 It's up to them with the rating system they want to put on.
01:36:35.000 If they want to tell you, like, hey, be careful of this, or if they don't want to tell you, it's up to you. 1.00
01:36:38.000 Go fuck yourself. 1.00
01:36:38.000 Figure it out, kid. 1.00
01:36:39.000 They don't have to Megyn Kelly you.
01:36:40.000 Megyn Kelly.
01:36:41.000 Tell you the Santa Claus.
01:36:42.000 Santa Claus is real kids, and he's white. 1.00
01:36:49.000 This is 2000-whatever fuck it was when this happened. 0.99
01:36:51.000 15? 0.99
01:36:52.000 Was that a 15-story, I think?
01:36:54.000 Yeah.
01:36:55.000 Stop.
01:36:56.000 We can't do this anymore.
01:36:57.000 By the way, I'll be in Tempe, Arizona this Thursday, Friday, Saturday.
01:37:00.000 Smooth operator.
01:37:01.000 I like how you work it in.
01:37:03.000 Tempe, Arizona, the home of my first Netflix special.
01:37:06.000 The improv.
01:37:07.000 I recorded that there in 2005. Really?
01:37:09.000 Yeah, man. 1.00
01:37:10.000 The one where I talked about how stupid Bush was. 1.00
01:37:12.000 People keep playing that. 1.00
01:37:14.000 Yeah.
01:37:15.000 They keep playing that now with this election.
01:37:17.000 Because I said, you know, that I think what happened after you got elected a second time, they were probably sitting in the back of the room going, I think we can go down right now.
01:37:25.000 Oh yeah, I remember that bit.
01:37:25.000 Yeah.
01:37:26.000 I remember that bit.
01:37:27.000 And then boom.
01:37:28.000 You do a really good job of, like, I've told you this before, but using your voice, the way you did that in that bit was like, it was like, four years pass and they all look and they go, It's like that quiet thing,
01:37:45.000 a pause mixed by quiet instead of just talking.
01:37:47.000 Like inflection, up and down inflection.
01:37:49.000 You're just really good at it.
01:37:50.000 Well, thank you.
01:37:51.000 I just put myself in the position of that actually happening.
01:37:54.000 That's what I try to think. 0.99
01:37:55.000 Like, what would it be like if there really was this cabal of evil billionaires that's trying to control the mindset and program the entire country, and they wanted to put a dumb person in office so they could figure out how dumb people were. 0.99
01:38:07.000 That was the premise of the joke. 1.00
01:38:09.000 There's only one way to figure out how stupid people are. 1.00
01:38:11.000 You can watch the news. 1.00
01:38:12.000 You can see what movies they buy. 0.99
01:38:13.000 But the only real way is to put a dumb person in as president and see if everybody freaks out. 0.99
01:38:18.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:38:18.000 Because if they don't freak out, it's because they're dumber than him. 1.00
01:38:21.000 They don't even know he's dumb. 1.00
01:38:23.000 Right. 1.00
01:38:23.000 Like, that's a weird thing about being really fucking stupid. 1.00
01:38:26.000 You don't know you're stupid. 1.00
01:38:27.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:38:27.000 So the only way, the premise of the bit was the only way we could really find out how stupid America was was to put a really dumb guy in as president. 1.00
01:38:34.000 And there's many, many really articulate, whip-smart Republican candidates that could easily make a great leader. 0.99
01:38:40.000 Like, well, why would they do that? 1.00
01:38:42.000 They can't find out how stupid we are if we do that. 1.00
01:38:44.000 That would be a backup plan. 1.00
01:38:45.000 Let's see if we can get the dummy in first. 0.97
01:38:47.000 And then after he won a second term, that's when the bit was like, I think we can go dumber. 0.79
01:38:52.000 So now they're using that to illustrate Donald Trump or something.
01:38:56.000 Yeah.
01:38:57.000 Man, they've made too many comparisons to presidential candidates, to Hitler.
01:39:00.000 That it's like, guys, you can't keep doing it.
01:39:03.000 You said Bush was Hitler.
01:39:05.000 You know what that's like?
01:39:06.000 Enough! 1.00
01:39:07.000 It's like the hack comedy premise from hell.
01:39:09.000 From hell, yeah. 0.99
01:39:10.000 She's like the stripper from hell! 1.00
01:39:12.000 And at some point, he's like, well, hell doesn't seem that bad, to be honest. 0.86
01:39:15.000 You're overusing this.
01:39:16.000 But it was a really easy way to get away with, like, saying something's bad.
01:39:23.000 Like, for a long time, like in the 80s in particular, it was a knockout punch every time.
01:39:28.000 It's gonna work every time.
01:39:29.000 Yeah.
01:39:29.000 The something from hell.
01:39:30.000 I can't even believe he's saying hell!
01:39:32.000 People back there, whoa!
01:39:34.000 Slow down! 0.97
01:39:35.000 Boundary pushing.
01:39:35.000 On steroids.
01:39:36.000 Yeah, on steroids is another one. 0.92
01:39:38.000 On crack.
01:39:39.000 On crack.
01:39:39.000 On crack is another one.
01:39:41.000 They're like, let's say the same thing, but say it slightly different so it seems like we're original.
01:39:46.000 Right, exactly.
01:39:48.000 It's still on in one word.
01:39:50.000 Well, I mean, if it's just a very minor part of what you're trying to describe, I guess it's fine to use it as a non-creative narrative or non-creative descriptive.
01:40:00.000 But when you're doing it a lot, Yeah, it's too much.
01:40:08.000 Overuse.
01:40:09.000 Yeah.
01:40:10.000 I wonder how much this is going to change everything.
01:40:12.000 What?
01:40:13.000 The way Donald Trump is running for president.
01:40:16.000 Well, here's what I saw from it.
01:40:18.000 So before, I mean, I'm assuming in the Lincoln Times, you know, the candidates would just say their opinions, what they thought, and that's what the newspaper would print, and that would be the end of it.
01:40:27.000 They would go out and talk for hours, too.
01:40:28.000 Yeah, sure.
01:40:29.000 Stomp and do whatever.
01:40:30.000 No microphones.
01:40:31.000 No microphones.
01:40:32.000 Oh, yeah, no microphones.
01:40:34.000 Just get up there and talk.
01:40:35.000 Hopefully the acoustics aren't terrible.
01:40:37.000 But mostly it's probably outside.
01:40:39.000 People farting.
01:40:40.000 Take a train to the next state to try to convince them.
01:40:43.000 By the time your speech is done, half the people are dead.
01:40:46.000 They just died.
01:40:49.000 And then it became a thing where, like, Bill Clinton went on Arsenio Hall and he played...
01:40:54.000 Trumpet.
01:40:55.000 Trumpet.
01:40:55.000 Saxophone.
01:40:55.000 Saxophone.
01:40:56.000 That's what it was.
01:40:56.000 And his ratings went up like 10 points overnight.
01:40:59.000 And we're like, wait a minute.
01:41:00.000 This has nothing to do with the issues.
01:41:03.000 And so there was this mixture of showmanship and issues.
01:41:06.000 And I think Trump's theory, his thesis is, guys, I don't think your platform matters as much as the showmanship.
01:41:13.000 I think it's only showmanship.
01:41:16.000 Well, also, it's who else is running.
01:41:19.000 Sure.
01:41:19.000 And what do they have to offer.
01:41:20.000 Have you seen those videos Ted Cruz made?
01:41:22.000 Yes.
01:41:22.000 The commercials?
01:41:23.000 Yeah, when they show the outtakes.
01:41:24.000 All the people hugging and stuff.
01:41:26.000 And the best is the wife.
01:41:28.000 His mom going like, she prays for me.
01:41:30.000 And she's like, mm-hmm.
01:41:32.000 And he goes, sometimes...
01:41:33.000 You know, hours a day.
01:41:34.000 And she's like, oh.
01:41:36.000 I like the look of like, I don't know about that.
01:41:38.000 Someone has hours and she goes, where are you going with this? 0.76
01:41:40.000 A day.
01:41:40.000 She goes, no.
01:41:41.000 Cut, cut. 0.58
01:41:42.000 Mom, mom, stick to the script.
01:41:44.000 Okay? 0.88
01:41:45.000 You're super pious and I'm not gay. 0.80
01:41:47.000 Alright? 0.95
01:41:48.000 And go.
01:41:52.000 The whole thing is so crazy. 0.99
01:41:54.000 I think Bernie's the only one talking about shit that actually American people day to day have to deal with. 0.99
01:42:03.000 He's definitely talking more about social issues. 0.99
01:42:05.000 Yeah.
01:42:06.000 They say socialism like it's a bad word, but it's just social issues.
01:42:11.000 Well, yeah, but socialism isn't just social issues.
01:42:16.000 Socialism implies some sort of a community pot of money.
01:42:20.000 That we're going to distribute to people.
01:42:21.000 We do that.
01:42:22.000 We do that now.
01:42:23.000 And we use 80% of it for defense.
01:42:24.000 Yeah.
01:42:25.000 Oh, definitely.
01:42:25.000 Which is just offense.
01:42:26.000 Well, that's the problem that people find with this.
01:42:29.000 The big problem that I've heard from people that actually understand it, not folks like you and me.
01:42:32.000 But people that actually understand it, they're like, the problem is it just makes government bigger.
01:42:36.000 Because what he's doing is proposing that we get more taxes from people.
01:42:40.000 And somehow or another, it's going to create more programs.
01:42:41.000 And those more programs are going to trickle down to people.
01:42:44.000 Right.
01:42:44.000 But the problem is, but you take more taxes from people.
01:42:48.000 You're just giving it to the government, and then they have to be competent all of a sudden.
01:42:51.000 They've never been competent before.
01:42:53.000 Somebody on my message board brought this up, like the Department of Fish and Game that I always praise them for the conservation efforts they've done.
01:43:00.000 They've got all wildlife biologists running it.
01:43:04.000 These are like actual scientists.
01:43:06.000 Not bureaucracy.
01:43:07.000 Yeah, they hired some really smart people who care about the environment to run these fish and wildlife Yeah.
01:43:14.000 Departments.
01:43:15.000 But see, people say that would never work, and go, okay, fine, maybe.
01:43:18.000 But here's the reality.
01:43:20.000 What we have now is not working.
01:43:22.000 People are getting poorer and poorer.
01:43:24.000 See, wildlife biologists are very different than economists.
01:43:27.000 Yeah.
01:43:27.000 So when you get a wildlife biologist that's trying to manage the buffalo population, and they try to figure out, hey, we've got wolves in Yellowstone that are killing the buffalo.
01:43:35.000 We've got to figure out how to do it.
01:43:36.000 And they try to find workarounds.
01:43:38.000 They do all sorts of different things to try to maintain healthy populations.
01:43:41.000 There's no profit in that.
01:43:42.000 There's no profit.
01:43:43.000 Yeah.
01:43:44.000 See, now, the problem with anything economic is there's all sorts of motivating factors that lead up to rules that get passed that allow these people that become president or become, you know, whatever the fuck they're doing where they're making deals with people like the bankers that are paying Hillary Clinton $250,000.
01:44:01.000 They get them into these positions and then they can profit insanely. 0.66
01:44:06.000 They get these positions and these guys go from...
01:44:08.000 There's a great documentary called Inside Job.
01:44:11.000 Yeah.
01:44:12.000 And it's all about the Wall Street collapse.
01:44:13.000 And this guy who's like this very educated financial guy is interviewing these people and picking them apart as he's interviewing them.
01:44:22.000 And you see they start to panic and they start to freak out.
01:44:24.000 And some of them going, you know, I'm going to leave one more question, then I'm going to leave.
01:44:28.000 In the beginning of the interview, they're all smiles and happy.
01:44:30.000 And these are economists.
01:44:31.000 And he finds out that these guys who are economy professors went on to get jobs with these banks.
01:44:38.000 So they set these rules like, well, we've just checked with the blah, blah, blah university economics department, and they recommend this, that, and that.
01:44:46.000 And they're doing that so they can get these payments.
01:44:48.000 Exactly.
01:44:48.000 And so they move into cushy jobs where they get paid millions of dollars once they leave these government positions or these teaching positions.
01:44:56.000 Wow.
01:44:57.000 Very, very fascinating stuff because it shows there's motivation.
01:45:00.000 And as soon as there's motivation for profit, everything gets squirrely.
01:45:04.000 So Clinton can say all day- Hey, we'd love you to prove this and here's some cash.
01:45:06.000 I'm like, well, I'll try to.
01:45:07.000 Clinton can say all day that they don't influence her. 0.50
01:45:10.000 Well, then they don't take a quarter million dollars to talk. 0.76
01:45:12.000 That's not human nature.
01:45:13.000 Yeah, you can't take that much money to talk.
01:45:16.000 I don't know.
01:45:16.000 I do know.
01:45:17.000 Neither one of us really understand it, but I don't see Bernie as a guy who's like, let's just get my money.
01:45:21.000 I'm sure it'll work out.
01:45:22.000 That's not a bad impression.
01:45:24.000 It's not bad.
01:45:25.000 It's really trying to.
01:45:27.000 It's not bad.
01:45:28.000 I would like Mrs. Clinton to tell us where are those transcripts?
01:45:33.000 But I think they have that thought out.
01:45:36.000 Well, it's tricky, man.
01:45:38.000 When you have a lot of money like that, hundreds of thousands of dollars that someone's paying you, so you talk for an hour.
01:45:44.000 That is absurd.
01:45:45.000 That's absurd.
01:45:46.000 It doesn't make any sense.
01:45:48.000 And they have transcripts of it.
01:45:50.000 I guess.
01:45:51.000 And they won't show them.
01:45:51.000 She won't release them.
01:45:53.000 The whole thing is very bizarre. 1.00
01:45:55.000 She hides shit, right? 1.00
01:45:56.000 That's her normal thing. 1.00
01:45:56.000 She hides emails. 1.00
01:45:57.000 She's like, oh, I didn't know I wasn't allowed to use regular emails for this stuff.
01:46:01.000 And, oh, you guys aren't allowed to FOI that?
01:46:03.000 Well, here's one of the things that...
01:46:05.000 Mike Baker was talking to me about and he's a former CIA operative.
01:46:09.000 He's been on the show before.
01:46:10.000 He runs a security company now.
01:46:12.000 And he said, if that was me, what she did, he goes, I would be in jail.
01:46:17.000 If I did what she did.
01:46:18.000 Using private emails?
01:46:19.000 Using a private email address and sending top secret information through that email address, he goes, I'd be in jail.
01:46:25.000 He's like, she had an email server in her bathroom.
01:46:27.000 Not only that, but the guy who set up that email server just got immunity from federal prosecution.
01:46:33.000 Wow.
01:46:33.000 So she's already in this protected group of people that were like, we can pretty much do whatever we want.
01:46:37.000 It's squirrelsville, man.
01:46:39.000 Squirrely.
01:46:40.000 The whole thing's squirrely.
01:46:42.000 Like, they're not even...
01:46:43.000 She's in the middle, running for president.
01:46:45.000 She's at the lead of the Democratic nomination, and she's involved in two criminal investigations.
01:46:51.000 Jesus Christ.
01:46:52.000 Yeah.
01:46:53.000 And they're just like, let's just not talk about that.
01:46:54.000 Well, it's like, this is all they have.
01:46:56.000 And when this is all they have, I mean, there's no one else. 0.99
01:46:58.000 Who the fuck else is there? 0.98
01:47:00.000 There's Bernie Sanders and Hillary Clinton, period. 0.99
01:47:03.000 That's it.
01:47:03.000 Yeah.
01:47:04.000 That's it on the Democratic side.
01:47:05.000 We haven't heard a peep of anybody else since.
01:47:07.000 Right.
01:47:08.000 Right.
01:47:09.000 Who else?
01:47:09.000 Everybody's gone.
01:47:10.000 They're all gone.
01:47:11.000 It's just the last two, yeah.
01:47:12.000 It's just them. 0.97
01:47:13.000 So, it's one of those things where everybody's shutting the fuck up because they think they have to. 0.98
01:47:18.000 This is the last gasps of a dying system. 0.99
01:47:21.000 This is the last gasps of a ridiculous dying system that is set up because- The system is fighting back.
01:47:28.000 The system is fighting back to survive. 0.64
01:47:29.000 But the system was set up back when people wrote with feathers.
01:47:32.000 When we had Congress, because I couldn't afford to travel from Nashville all the way up to Washington to hear my stuff.
01:47:38.000 So we have our Congress goes for us.
01:47:41.000 They speak for us.
01:47:42.000 But now we have email and phones.
01:47:44.000 We don't need you to go there for us.
01:47:45.000 Why do you have a job?
01:47:46.000 It needs to be restructured.
01:47:48.000 Restructured.
01:47:48.000 New Constitution.
01:47:49.000 Yeah.
01:47:50.000 Well, it needs to be restructured to represent the technology and the access to people that's available today.
01:47:56.000 Because government should be...
01:47:58.000 People should have to have some level of education to understand the parameters of what they're talking about, what they're voting on.
01:48:06.000 Yeah, we don't even understand.
01:48:07.000 We're not even getting the information.
01:48:09.000 Dude, there's so much waste.
01:48:11.000 Our government has got a virus, and it's not being cured.
01:48:15.000 I talked to these guys who were defense contractors, worked for defense contractors in Iraq and Afghanistan, and one of them had been in the military before.
01:48:22.000 They'd both been in the military.
01:48:23.000 When they need a new printer cartridge, They don't order printer cartridges.
01:48:28.000 They order a new printer.
01:48:29.000 Take out the printer cartridge and shred the new printer.
01:48:32.000 What?
01:48:33.000 Yeah.
01:48:33.000 And there's no repercussions for that.
01:48:35.000 Why do they do that?
01:48:37.000 It's easier to order it that way.
01:48:40.000 What?
01:48:41.000 There's no reason for it, man. 0.99
01:48:43.000 It's all fucking wasteful. 0.99
01:48:44.000 Were these guys high as fuck when they were telling you this? 1.00
01:48:47.000 No, they weren't. 0.99
01:48:47.000 Like, dude, he's going to go on a podcast. 0.99
01:48:49.000 He's going to talk about this.
01:48:50.000 I'm too high to remember the specific details.
01:48:52.000 But that's one of them.
01:48:53.000 And it's like, dude...
01:48:55.000 It's just this bureaucracy.
01:48:57.000 It's just corrupted.
01:48:58.000 And the government's in it now.
01:48:59.000 It's like, I don't know, Obama.
01:49:00.000 He just won't talk about... 1.00
01:49:01.000 He's done some great shit. 0.99
01:49:02.000 But he just won't talk about the drone strikes. 0.99
01:49:04.000 About wedding parties in Yemen, where we're not even at war with.
01:49:07.000 Just killing random people.
01:49:09.000 And our official quote is like, let's just not talk about it. 0.99
01:49:11.000 But gay marriage is legalized.
01:49:13.000 And that's, yeah, man, that's great. 0.97
01:49:14.000 You can't just murder people.
01:49:16.000 More people have died under drone strikes under him than Bush.
01:49:19.000 Way more.
01:49:19.000 Well, there's more drones now.
01:49:21.000 They're way better, too.
01:49:23.000 Still killing innocents, and we're just not talking about it.
01:49:26.000 Yeah.
01:49:27.000 I mean, they can arrest people now and never try them.
01:49:29.000 Well, they've also...
01:49:30.000 The NSA has more power than they've ever had, because Feinstein just restructured it.
01:49:34.000 They also used to shoot at metadata.
01:49:36.000 I don't know if they still do that, but they used to shoot where a phone is.
01:49:40.000 Oh, really?
01:49:41.000 So if you're a real bad guy and you're hanging out in an apartment building and your phone happens to be there, that's what they're shooting at.
01:49:45.000 Oh. 0.95
01:49:46.000 Shooting missiles at that phone, hoping they're going to get you. 0.60
01:49:48.000 Somebody else has the phone, and it's like, well, it's acceptable casualties.
01:49:51.000 Did you let the kid play with the phone in the bedroom?
01:49:52.000 Oh, we took that bedroom out.
01:49:53.000 Now, if that was Americans, we wouldn't do that, because we value American lives, or innocent lives over innocent.
01:49:59.000 You get many lives.
01:50:00.000 Well, it's just way more convenient when they don't look like us, they don't talk like us, and they dress weird.
01:50:06.000 It's way more convenient to light them up with rockets.
01:50:08.000 This is why the British were smart when they colonized Africa.
01:50:13.000 They put East Indian people, Indians from India, they put them in charge. 1.00
01:50:18.000 So the Africans hated the oppressors, hated people who, you know, dominated and conquered them.
01:50:23.000 No one likes being conquered.
01:50:25.000 It's just not a thing people enjoy.
01:50:26.000 I know a couple girls are in that. 1.00
01:50:27.000 Yeah.
01:50:28.000 And so their face of who they hated were these Indians who also had been conquered and moved over there. 0.83
01:50:33.000 So there's really no terrorism on British soil from the African militants because they don't hate that white face. 0.77
01:50:42.000 Well, if we went to war with, say, Russia today, they look just like us. 1.00
01:50:49.000 Just like us.
01:50:50.000 It'd be harder.
01:50:51.000 Yeah.
01:50:52.000 Luckily, they wear coats.
01:50:53.000 Maybe we'd find out that the government's photoshopping their faces.
01:50:57.000 Stretching them out.
01:50:58.000 Make them look weird.
01:50:59.000 Make them look more like...
01:51:00.000 Look at those oval heads.
01:51:01.000 Yeah, what is that?
01:51:03.000 Ruslan Pravodnikov is one of the top boxers in...
01:51:10.000 I think he's 154, 147?
01:51:14.000 147, come on, man. 0.97
01:51:15.000 Pravodnikov, he's an animal. 0.96
01:51:17.000 He's an animal. 0.99
01:51:17.000 Oh, yeah. 0.99
01:51:18.000 They call him the Siberian something or the Siberian Express.
01:51:20.000 He's got Ovalhead?
01:51:22.000 Yeah.
01:51:23.000 Am I saying his first name wrong?
01:51:26.000 Yeah.
01:51:27.000 He takes unbelievable amounts of punishment.
01:51:30.000 This is what he looks like.
01:51:31.000 But look at him.
01:51:32.000 See?
01:51:33.000 He looks just foreign enough.
01:51:35.000 You know what that is like?
01:51:36.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:51:36.000 He's got some Asian in him.
01:51:37.000 He's that part of Russia.
01:51:38.000 I think he's got Mongolian in him.
01:51:40.000 Mongolian, yeah. 1.00
01:51:41.000 That's probably why he's such a fucking warrior. 1.00
01:51:42.000 He's probably descendant of Genghis Khan or some shit. 1.00
01:51:45.000 Yeah, he didn't look Russian. 0.99
01:51:47.000 Well, the Mongols conquered Russia for like 200 years. 0.81
01:51:52.000 Really?
01:51:53.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:51:54.000 The Mongols came in in the winter in Russia unexpectedly and fucking took over. 1.00
01:52:00.000 He looks like Toby, the front bartender. 0.99
01:52:01.000 A little bit.
01:52:04.000 That's funny.
01:52:05.000 That guy's an animal, man. 1.00
01:52:07.000 He's a fucking animal. 1.00
01:52:09.000 He's fun to watch. 1.00
01:52:10.000 He's super aggressive.
01:52:11.000 So let's talk about this rematch.
01:52:13.000 Which one?
01:52:14.000 Nate Diaz and Conor McGregor?
01:52:15.000 What are they fighting at?
01:52:16.000 55?
01:52:16.000 I do not know.
01:52:17.000 I don't think that's been solidified.
01:52:19.000 I believe that Conor has asked for it to take place at 70, which is where he was.
01:52:22.000 So he can say, like, I can do this?
01:52:25.000 Exactly the same weight, and then it won't be a factor.
01:52:27.000 But also, I think he was really healthy at 170, and I think he liked that.
01:52:31.000 Who was?
01:52:31.000 Conor.
01:52:32.000 I think he felt great leading up to the camp and leading up to the fight.
01:52:35.000 He just had a bad game plan, and his ground game kind of got exposed.
01:52:40.000 Two weight classes above where he won a title?
01:52:42.000 It's not two weight classes.
01:52:43.000 It's not true.
01:52:44.000 First of all, they both weighed in almost exactly the same weight.
01:52:46.000 No.
01:52:47.000 Two weight classes above where he won his title.
01:52:49.000 Yes, but not really.
01:52:50.000 All it is, is they're not cutting weight.
01:52:52.000 But he's not fighting Damian Maia, who used to fight at 205 or 185, and he's cutting down to 170. At least it's not title shots, where it's like, you don't deserve a title shot on two weight classes above you.
01:53:05.000 It's just a Nate Diaz fight.
01:53:06.000 Well, this isn't a title shot.
01:53:08.000 I'm saying at least it's not.
01:53:09.000 Well, you know the whole story behind it.
01:53:10.000 There was a fallout.
01:53:12.000 Rafael Dos Anjos, who's the lightweight champion, was supposed to be fighting Conor McGregor.
01:53:16.000 He breaks his foot 11 days before the fight.
01:53:18.000 Nate Diaz takes the fight on a drop of a hat with no training whatsoever. 0.99
01:53:22.000 I mean, fucking none. 0.98
01:53:23.000 He hadn't done anything. 0.99
01:53:25.000 He was at the store.
01:53:25.000 Yeah, he was hanging.
01:53:26.000 Hanging out. 0.99
01:53:27.000 And Nate posted pictures afterwards of him drinking tequila and hanging out in Mexico eating tacos and shit. 0.98
01:53:34.000 So he was just having a party. 1.00
01:53:35.000 Two on nine, bitch! 1.00
01:53:36.000 He's just living his life, right? 0.99
01:53:37.000 But he's in such good shape that he can get away with that because he does so much triathlon training.
01:53:42.000 He's constantly biking and swimming and running.
01:53:45.000 He's entered into a bunch of triathlons.
01:53:47.000 He's in very good shape.
01:53:48.000 And so he was able to pull it off because his cardio base was so good. 0.99
01:53:52.000 And just, he's a fucking damn good fighter. 0.99
01:53:55.000 He's a damn good fighter. 0.99
01:53:56.000 And exciting, too. 0.98
01:53:57.000 And he's fought legitimately at 170 twice.
01:54:00.000 He lost.
01:54:01.000 He lost to Stun Gun Kim, and he also lost to Rory McDonald at 170. These are legitimate 170s, and Rory being one of the best 170s in the world.
01:54:09.000 He got ragdolled a little bit by Rory, but that was a wake-up call for him.
01:54:13.000 He went back to 155, and at 155, in his last fight against Michael Johnson, he put on probably the best performance up to the Conor McGregor fight, the best performance of his career. 0.95
01:54:23.000 He was fucking sensational. 0.92
01:54:24.000 So why didn't I say 155? 0.98
01:54:24.000 Because when I view Nate Diaz, I think of him as a 55er. 0.98
01:54:27.000 That's what he usually competes at.
01:54:29.000 But for this fight, he didn't want to have to cut weight.
01:54:31.000 It's only 11 days out.
01:54:32.000 He's a little heavy.
01:54:33.000 So he says, look, let's make it at 170. They both agree.
01:54:35.000 Nate weighed 169. Connor weighed 168. Or maybe vice versa.
01:54:39.000 I think that's it, though.
01:54:41.000 So, I mean, they're basically the same size.
01:54:43.000 What would they fight at?
01:54:44.000 Well, they fought at 170. What do you mean?
01:54:46.000 I mean, when Nate said, I'll fight at 170, where was he walking at?
01:54:49.000 Probably a little heavier than that.
01:54:51.000 He probably dieted and worked out real hard for seven or eight days of the eleven.
01:54:55.000 Tapered off the last couple.
01:54:57.000 No, Connor didn't have to cut anything.
01:54:58.000 I mean, if he cut anything, it's probably a couple pounds, which is nothing.
01:55:02.000 Ten pounds difference, let's say.
01:55:03.000 Not a big deal.
01:55:03.000 That happens at 170. But there's not even ten pounds difference.
01:55:06.000 They're the same weight.
01:55:07.000 When they got into the octagon, I guarantee you they're within a pound or two of each other.
01:55:11.000 In the octagon?
01:55:12.000 Yes.
01:55:13.000 Nate is longer and taller, and he's a very good boxer.
01:55:17.000 Nate spars on a regular basis with Andre Ward, who is one of the best pound-for-pound, if not the best pound-for-pound boxer in the world, now that Floyd Mayweather's quote-unquote retired. 0.99
01:55:27.000 Andre Ward is a motherfucker. 0.96
01:55:29.000 And he just fought this Saturday night on HBO, and I just watched it the other day on DVR. It's fucking amazing. 1.00
01:55:36.000 He's so good, dude. 1.00
01:55:38.000 He's just nasty.
01:55:39.000 And now he's fighting at 175. He's going to fight Sergey Kovalev, who's like the best 175er in the world.
01:55:45.000 So he fought with him?
01:55:46.000 So Nate spars with that guy on a regular basis.
01:55:49.000 They're friends.
01:55:50.000 And Nate also spars his brother Nick, who's one of the best strikers in the UFC. Definitely one of the best boxers.
01:55:55.000 He's a very good boxer.
01:55:57.000 And he also spars with Joe Schilling all the time.
01:56:01.000 Who is Glory World Champion, kickboxing world champion. 1.00
01:56:04.000 He's a motherfucker, man. 0.99
01:56:05.000 So Nate is sparring with high-level, world-class strikers, like legitimate. 1.00
01:56:10.000 Andre Ward, Joe Schilling.
01:56:11.000 Two world champions in two respective disciplines. 1.00
01:56:15.000 So he's a bad motherfucker. 0.99
01:56:17.000 I just think that people see him swearing and sticking up his double fingers and they don't realize. 1.00
01:56:22.000 Put all that shit aside and observe his movements. 1.00
01:56:26.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:56:27.000 Observe his movements in a fight.
01:56:29.000 Like in the Michael Johnson fight.
01:56:31.000 In the Gomi fight.
01:56:33.000 In the Marcus Davis fight.
01:56:34.000 In the Gray Maynard fight.
01:56:36.000 Observe his movements. 1.00
01:56:37.000 He's a motherfucker, dude. 1.00
01:56:39.000 When he tees off on you, he comes at you like a snake. 1.00
01:56:43.000 He's got long ass on. 0.99
01:56:44.000 Was that the Cerrone fight where it was the most connections of all time? 0.97
01:56:47.000 Where it was like 80% of his strikes hit?
01:56:50.000 In the first round, he lit Donald up. 1.00
01:56:52.000 Yeah, it was like, what the fuck? 0.99
01:56:53.000 Nothing missed. 1.00
01:56:54.000 He lit Donald up. 0.99
01:56:55.000 He fucked Donald up in that first round. 0.97
01:56:57.000 Four or five years ago, right? 0.99
01:56:58.000 Yeah, Donald started coming back with leg kicks.
01:57:00.000 The only guy who's ever really successfully put him away in the UFC was Josh Thompson.
01:57:05.000 Josh Thompson is one of the most underrated guys.
01:57:09.000 Josh Thompson, when he was at his best, left to go over to Strikeforce, and a lot of people missed out on some of the fucking wars that he had over there.
01:57:18.000 The Gilbert Melendez fights over there, and he went through a lot of wear and tear on you. 0.94
01:57:22.000 But, like, skill for skill, Josh Thompson is a motherfucker, but now he's, like, 36, and time just starts to get everybody, but at his best, and I think that, like, his last fight with Nate Diaz, when he head kicked him, he stopped him, was one of, like, his best performances ever. 0.81
01:57:38.000 And then he had some losses after that, but again, it's like, It's hard to stay healthy and get through a camp when you're 36 years old. 0.95
01:57:43.000 When those guys get to the late 30s, things start to get...
01:57:47.000 So he has one loss.
01:57:48.000 But the loss, in my opinion...
01:57:50.000 I mean, one stoppage loss.
01:57:51.000 But the loss to Thompson is like...
01:57:53.000 He's one of the most underrated guys.
01:57:55.000 So it's like a solid loss. 1.00
01:57:56.000 Fuck yeah. 0.99
01:57:57.000 It doesn't get looked at as solid as it should be. 1.00
01:57:59.000 I think Thompson, at his best, he's a motherfucker. 0.99
01:58:02.000 Okay, so let's say he's a natural 170-er. 0.99
01:58:05.000 Let's say he wants to fight the Conor.
01:58:06.000 But he's not.
01:58:07.000 He's not.
01:58:07.000 He just wants to fight this fight at 170. To prove his point that he can win it?
01:58:11.000 To prove a point, to fight exactly the way they did it before, and to come in and fight in a better...
01:58:15.000 Is this what happened?
01:58:16.000 If they're going to do that, in the meantime, they should let Frankie and Aldo fight for a title.
01:58:20.000 I agree with that.
01:58:20.000 How long are you going to vacate the belt that you haven't defended once?
01:58:23.000 Max Holloway should be in the mix as well.
01:58:25.000 I think they also offered Aldo a shot at McGregor, and he didn't take it.
01:58:31.000 That could be a Brazilian thing, if you know what I mean.
01:58:34.000 What are you saying, steroids?
01:58:35.000 Yeah.
01:58:36.000 I like how you made the injection heroin.
01:58:38.000 They still do that?
01:58:38.000 They still do that?
01:58:41.000 Can I picture it?
01:58:42.000 I would say it was more like he's just unprepared and out of shape and didn't want to get knocked out again. 0.99
01:58:48.000 I mean, the guy just knocked him out with one fucking punch a couple of months ago. 0.87
01:58:51.000 I remember a guy, but I mean, he's like, give me that rematch, give me that rematch. 0.99
01:58:54.000 See, but he didn't know.
01:58:54.000 See, he didn't know that Conor was going to get worked.
01:58:58.000 When Conor got worked by Nate Diaz, it changed the whole game.
01:59:00.000 He's like, oh, I can beat this guy.
01:59:02.000 Everything changed, man.
01:59:03.000 Everything changed.
01:59:04.000 In everyone's approach to him, when you watch a guy get beat up and strangled like that, you got to pee again?
01:59:09.000 Yeah.
01:59:12.000 Don't worry about it, man But my point is for the folks listening when you watch a guy get beat up like Connor got beat up against Nate and He shoots for a takedown and then gets taken down Nate gets on top of him beats him up and then chokes him a taps real quick Like Nate just dominated him once it got to the ground.
01:59:29.000 He was already hurt when it got to the ground Then everybody goes hmm, okay Could Rafael Dos Anjos do this? 0.97
01:59:37.000 And for a guy like Conor, I think one of the reasons why he wants this fight back is to prove that he fucked up. 0.74
01:59:43.000 That he tried to take Nate out with big power bombs, he gassed out, he got tired, and then Nate boxed him up in the second round. 0.97
01:59:51.000 Nate started tagging him, had him hurt, had him shoot for a takedown.
01:59:54.000 So...
01:59:55.000 A guy like Conor, you don't get to be that good.
01:59:58.000 You don't get to be that far.
01:59:59.000 You don't get to be that successful. 0.90
02:00:01.000 You don't get to knock out Aldo with one punch and beat the fuck out of Poirier in the first round like you called it and beat the shit out of Seaver and stop Chad Mendes when you wanted to bet millions of dollars on it. 1.00
02:00:10.000 I mean, he's a legit 100% motherfucker. 1.00
02:00:15.000 The game does not care about personalities. 1.00
02:00:19.000 The game does not care about confidence.
02:00:22.000 It sure doesn't, huh?
02:00:23.000 The interaction of fists and face and chokes and necks and kicks and bodies, it does not care about anything other than what works. 0.99
02:00:31.000 So when you see a loss, like a Ronda Rousey getting knocked the fuck out by Holly Holm, It does not mean that Ronda Rousey sucks. 0.65
02:00:38.000 It does not mean that Holly Holm is the greatest ever. 0.99
02:00:40.000 It just means the game doesn't give a fuck who you are. 0.98
02:00:43.000 It doesn't care. 0.99
02:00:44.000 You want to charge face first at a counter striker, and she clips you with that first punch, you're already at check. 0.99
02:00:52.000 You're already at check.
02:00:53.000 You got rocked like the first punch, and then you're getting beat up for four and a half minutes after that, and then the second round comes around. 1.00
02:00:59.000 You don't even know where the fuck you are. 1.00
02:01:01.000 Your ears are going, You can't see. 1.00
02:01:07.000 Your fucking eyes are blurry. 1.00
02:01:09.000 That must be so weird. 1.00
02:01:11.000 Terrifying.
02:01:11.000 That's what I love about UFC as opposed to boxing.
02:01:13.000 Nobody goes 29-0.
02:01:15.000 No.
02:01:16.000 I mean, if you go six in a row, that's like, wow.
02:01:19.000 That's why Jon Jones is so spooky.
02:01:21.000 Yeah.
02:01:21.000 Nobody's beaten Jon Jones.
02:01:23.000 Jon Jones has one loss, and it's a disqualification against Matt Hamill, where he was crushing him on top of him. 0.97
02:01:30.000 And it's a dumb rule.
02:01:31.000 It's like 12 to 6 elbows on a clock face. 0.98
02:01:34.000 If you drop an elbow down from 12 to 6, the people that made the rules thought that that somehow or another was dangerous.
02:01:40.000 It's no different than any other kind of elbow.
02:01:42.000 Is it still a rule? 1.00
02:01:42.000 Yeah, it's a stupid rule. 1.00
02:01:44.000 It's a rule that they put in place because the people that were on the commission, this is coming from Big John McCarthy himself, the people that were on the commission at the time, they thought that if you dropped a 12-6 elbow like those ESPN karate shows, you could break bricks and shit, you could kill somebody. 1.00
02:01:59.000 Oh. 0.96
02:02:00.000 So, they...
02:02:02.000 They made it illegal.
02:02:03.000 Meanwhile, it's not even 12 to 6. It's like 1 to 7. It's stupid.
02:02:07.000 It's stupid. 1.00
02:02:08.000 I can't wait for him to come back and fight again. 1.00
02:02:10.000 It's really almost never 12 to 6. It's always a slight angle.
02:02:14.000 But either way, it's fucking dumb. 1.00
02:02:16.000 It's a dumb rule. 1.00
02:02:16.000 It doesn't make any sense. 1.00
02:02:19.000 Yeah.
02:02:20.000 By the way, we have Nate Diaz calling into our sports podcast, Punch Drunk Sports.
02:02:24.000 Oh, do you really?
02:02:25.000 Well, fake Nate Diaz.
02:02:26.000 Oh.
02:02:26.000 Fake.
02:02:27.000 They always call in.
02:02:28.000 I'm glad you had a fake one.
02:02:29.000 How good are they?
02:02:30.000 The fake ones?
02:02:30.000 Yeah.
02:02:31.000 Amazing.
02:02:31.000 Really?
02:02:32.000 The accents are great, and they talk about the 209 so much.
02:02:34.000 They're always talking about they're going pontoon boat shopping.
02:02:38.000 Man, you got to hear them, man.
02:02:41.000 They're great. 0.97
02:02:42.000 It's Danish and O'Neill, and they're so fucking good at it. 0.90
02:02:44.000 For a while, they were dating Ronda Rousey, and GSP was all upset about it because he wanted to date Ronda Rousey, and they catfished him and buried him in a refrigerator box in the desert, and he got out. 0.97
02:02:56.000 And now GSP's addicted to kitty litter. 0.97
02:02:58.000 What?
02:02:59.000 Kitty litter and computer spray.
02:03:01.000 He's got all these addictions.
02:03:03.000 Talking to the aliens all the time.
02:03:05.000 They told me I missed two minutes of my life.
02:03:09.000 Oh, that's hilarious.
02:03:10.000 Is that on YouTube anywhere?
02:03:13.000 No, not YouTube, but punchdrunksports.com.
02:03:15.000 You gotta get clips.
02:03:16.000 The Dailymotion ones.
02:03:17.000 I think they're all up in Dailymotion. 0.98
02:03:19.000 Yeah, we gotta clip that shit and put it on YouTube. 0.78
02:03:22.000 Yeah, why don't you have clips? 0.98
02:03:24.000 We just don't?
02:03:25.000 Yeah.
02:03:26.000 I mean, I can't give you a good reason.
02:03:29.000 This is the reason why I think the rematch is huge.
02:03:32.000 This is why you have to do it.
02:03:34.000 First of all, because Conor McGregor, up until that fight, is one of the most spectacular fighters ever in the history of the sport.
02:03:40.000 And people are talking about him.
02:03:41.000 Yeah, just the spectacle.
02:03:43.000 In that sense of spectacular, the guy gets on stage and screams at the weigh-ins and the crowd goes nuts and the Irish flags everywhere.
02:03:49.000 Galvanized the nation? 0.92
02:03:50.000 And I don't even know what galvanized means.
02:03:51.000 It means like a coating.
02:03:52.000 Oh, great.
02:03:53.000 Like when you get nails so they don't rust.
02:03:54.000 Oh, okay.
02:03:56.000 He's spectacular, right?
02:03:58.000 And his results inside the octagon, other than Nate Diaz' fights, have been incredibly dramatic and amazing.
02:04:02.000 Calling, exactly.
02:04:03.000 Second round, I'll get him with an uppercut and knock him out. 0.97
02:04:06.000 And then it's like, what?
02:04:07.000 But...
02:04:08.000 When a guy like Nate Diaz beats you, and beats you the way he beat you...
02:04:13.000 The right thing to do is to have a rematch.
02:04:15.000 And that's why.
02:04:16.000 Because the rematch is where the big money's at. 0.71
02:04:19.000 The rematch with Nate Diaz is goddamn Scrooge McDuck, gigantic, huge, two million plus pay-per-view guys. 0.83
02:04:28.000 Because it's still on the table. 0.88
02:04:29.000 Let's just say he goes to 45, then maybe 55 again.
02:04:32.000 He's always going to be like, well, I mean, Nate Diaz will beat you, you know?
02:04:35.000 Exactly.
02:04:35.000 Not only that, but here's the other problem.
02:04:37.000 What?
02:04:38.000 Frankie might beat him. 0.98
02:04:39.000 Sure.
02:04:40.000 Everyone might beat him.
02:04:41.000 Max Holloway might beat him in a rematch.
02:04:43.000 Who knows?
02:04:44.000 Yeah.
02:04:45.000 Jose Aldo might beat him now.
02:04:46.000 Now that Jose, especially Jose Aldo, if Jose Aldo comes in real healthy, you know what I'm saying? 0.97
02:04:57.000 Jose Aldo is a fucking nine-year undefeated all-time great fighter who got clipped with one big punch. 0.63
02:05:05.000 So what if Aldo fights in a similar way to how Misha Tate fought Holly Holm? 1.00
02:05:10.000 Takes his time, wears that motherfucker out in round two or three, and just stands on the outside and leg kicks the shit out of him. 0.99
02:05:16.000 If Aldo just chooses to... 0.99
02:05:18.000 I mean, Aldo was so mad, he tried to take his head off of the left hook, and he got clipped.
02:05:21.000 He loaded up and he got clipped.
02:05:23.000 But what if he doesn't do that?
02:05:24.000 What if he goes in there and plays slow on the outside and starts kicking his legs?
02:05:27.000 What if he initiates a clinch?
02:05:29.000 Because let me tell you something about Aldo's jiu-jitsu. 0.99
02:05:31.000 It's fucking world-class. 0.97
02:05:33.000 Like, you watch Aldo versus Mike Brown in the UFC, or the WEC, rather, when he won the featherweight title. 0.99
02:05:40.000 Can't get anything right. 0.99
02:05:41.000 When he won the featherweight title, dude, he takes his back like a fucking world champion and smashes him. 0.98
02:05:46.000 I mean, this is what Anderson did when he was at his best, was he would get boos in the first and second round, and he's almost like, guys, would you fucking relax? 0.98
02:05:54.000 I'm about to knock this guy out. 0.69
02:05:55.000 Different style, though.
02:05:56.000 Yeah, but I mean, it was like, I'm not going to push.
02:05:58.000 I will wait, and I will get you when it's time, and I'll continue to win.
02:06:02.000 Well, Anderson has a very unique style.
02:06:04.000 His style is, he's got a lot of Muay Thai, but he also has a lot of traditional martial arts as well.
02:06:11.000 Like, some of the things that he does, like the front kick to the face, the way he does it, that's a front snap kick.
02:06:16.000 It wasn't like a Muay Thai push kick or a teep.
02:06:19.000 It was like a karate style kick.
02:06:21.000 I was on acid for that fight.
02:06:22.000 At the MGM, me and Diaz sitting next to each other on acid, screaming when he kicked him in the face like that.
02:06:29.000 Dude, that was spectacular.
02:06:31.000 That was the first time we'd ever seen a front kick to the face KO in the UFC. Vitor?
02:06:35.000 Yeah.
02:06:36.000 Yeah, Vitor.
02:06:37.000 Stunning. 1.00
02:06:38.000 So Anderson was a sniper, and what he would do is he would find your range, find your timing, and then he would unload on shit. 1.00
02:06:45.000 I can go a little closer. 0.99
02:06:47.000 Okay, now I'm in my range.
02:06:48.000 Or, you know, with different fighters, he fought a different style.
02:06:51.000 Like with Rich Franklin, he overwhelmed him in the clinch.
02:06:53.000 Like Rich Franklin didn't have an answer to what's called a plum.
02:06:56.000 That's when a guy grabs the back of your head like this and pinches down with his forearms.
02:07:01.000 And the Muay Thai clinch, like anything else, there's levels to it.
02:07:05.000 And it's one of those things where you know how...
02:07:07.000 This is a good way to describe it.
02:07:08.000 You know how you tie your shoes?
02:07:09.000 And you tie your shoes effortlessly.
02:07:11.000 You just reach down, because you've done it your whole life.
02:07:14.000 Your pathway...
02:07:16.000 Like the neuromuscular pathway to tying your shoes is automatic.
02:07:19.000 There's certain movements that become like that.
02:07:22.000 Like when you're sparring or fighting in particular, sometimes you'll move out of the way and you're throwing a counter before you even realize you're doing it.
02:07:29.000 Like it's too fast for you to even think about.
02:07:31.000 But you've carved that path so deeply in your neuromuscular structure that when someone does this, you do that.
02:07:40.000 When you see this, you counter there.
02:07:42.000 You understand, you recognize openings without even being conscious of it.
02:07:46.000 And when a guy gets in those grooves, when you get in those grooves, it's very hard to deal with if you don't have that groove.
02:07:55.000 And Anderson had that groove when it came to that Muay Thai clinch.
02:07:57.000 You could see it, the way it was holding on to him.
02:08:00.000 And pushing at you?
02:08:01.000 Yeah.
02:08:01.000 I went to those Muay Thai fights.
02:08:03.000 Like Sanchai?
02:08:03.000 Uh-huh.
02:08:04.000 Or those Thai kickboxing fights.
02:08:05.000 And it's one of the things.
02:08:06.000 They're punching and kicking, but they do that throw. 0.99
02:08:08.000 Oh, yeah.
02:08:08.000 And it almost doesn't seem like it does that much damage.
02:08:10.000 Oh, it does.
02:08:11.000 It does?
02:08:11.000 Well, it's humiliating.
02:08:12.000 It's humiliating.
02:08:12.000 It seems more like that.
02:08:13.000 You get the wind knocked out of you.
02:08:14.000 You know, if a guy kicks your legs out from under you and slams you on your back, you're getting the wind knocked out of you.
02:08:20.000 You're injured.
02:08:21.000 You could get your shoulders injured.
02:08:22.000 You can get your ribs injured.
02:08:24.000 Your neck can get injured.
02:08:25.000 You fall the wrong way or you get knocked on the way down.
02:08:28.000 And in some organizations, you can kick them in the face on the way down, too.
02:08:31.000 While they're falling. 0.99
02:08:32.000 So they'll throw kicks and then as you are scrambled, before the referee gets to you, they'll fucking knee you in the face as you're going down. 0.94
02:08:39.000 Even with your gloves touching the ground, it's like legal in a lot of organizations to knee or even kick you in the face. 0.98
02:08:45.000 Wow.
02:08:45.000 So you gotta be defending yourself and just say, I'll just fall all the way down.
02:08:48.000 I'm not even gonna brace myself.
02:08:49.000 A lot of like, Muay Thai has some crazy approaches.
02:08:53.000 It's fun the way they see it, though.
02:08:54.000 Their clinch work is, like, one of the most underappreciated aspects of the sport.
02:08:59.000 Because everybody thinks of it as a striking sport, and it is.
02:09:02.000 But it's also a grappling sport.
02:09:03.000 Because when they tie up inside that clinch, the guys who are really good, they execute these nasty trips, and they also, the way of manipulating you into knees, like, when someone has, like, They clamp down and they know how to control your neck.
02:09:19.000 It's a very confusing feeling if you're not accustomed to it from a high-level practitioner because you get locked in.
02:09:24.000 You don't know what to do.
02:09:25.000 You start grabbing at it and then you're getting kneed in the body and then you get kneed in the chin.
02:09:29.000 Kneed in the chin.
02:09:29.000 That's one of the most brutal things in MMA. And whenever the whole crowd gets behind it too and they start going, knees, knees, as soon as that clinch comes in because they all want to see it.
02:09:38.000 Well, Anderson need him in the face.
02:09:39.000 He's destroyed Rich Franklin's nose.
02:09:42.000 Rich Franklin had to get his nose completely reconstructed.
02:09:44.000 I mean, it was devastated after that fight.
02:09:48.000 Oh, man.
02:09:48.000 Those were...
02:09:50.000 Pull up Rich Franklin, Anderson Silva vs. 0.69
02:09:54.000 Rich Franklin 1. See if you can find that anywhere.
02:09:56.000 The KO. Anderson Silva KOs Rich Franklin in the first fight.
02:10:00.000 Because it was a master class.
02:10:02.000 No, I don't think so.
02:10:03.000 No?
02:10:03.000 I don't think so.
02:10:05.000 I don't think so.
02:10:05.000 I was in his very first fight in the UFC. You might have been.
02:10:08.000 You might have been.
02:10:09.000 Yeah, pull it back though.
02:10:10.000 It was definitely the rematch.
02:10:12.000 No, pull it back so you can see the actual knees to the face. 0.99
02:10:16.000 Before, you get him in the clinch, and there's like...
02:10:18.000 Oh, you look scared.
02:10:19.000 Yeah, well, he starts doing this.
02:10:20.000 He starts moving him around and manipulating. 0.98
02:10:22.000 See, so Rich is trying to punch him, but look how he manipulates him with these fucking knees, and the clinch just, he never lets that clinch go. 0.99
02:10:30.000 Boom! 0.99
02:10:30.000 Look at this. 0.99
02:10:31.000 He's just holding on to the back of his neck.
02:10:34.000 See how he's doing that with his left hand?
02:10:35.000 Pulling him in.
02:10:36.000 And he's kneeing his body, and then he grabs ahold of it with two hands.
02:10:38.000 Look at this.
02:10:39.000 Boom! 0.99
02:10:40.000 Look at that.
02:10:40.000 Boom to the body.
02:10:41.000 So he can toss him around. 0.97
02:10:42.000 Boom to the body. 1.00
02:10:43.000 And he's sliding around, and when Rich goes to punch, He's outmaneuvering him.
02:10:47.000 He's getting his shoulders in play.
02:10:49.000 So his shoulders are blocking these wide looping punches.
02:10:52.000 And then he's just leaning his hips back and forcing them to absorb these knees to the body.
02:10:57.000 And each one of them is weakening them more and more and more.
02:10:59.000 And boom! 0.98
02:11:00.000 Look at these.
02:11:01.000 Boom! 0.99
02:11:02.000 Again.
02:11:02.000 And then bam!
02:11:03.000 There's to the chin.
02:11:04.000 Boom! 0.99
02:11:04.000 Boom! 0.99
02:11:04.000 Boom! 0.99
02:11:05.000 And there's a combination.
02:11:05.000 He grabs them again.
02:11:07.000 Boom! 0.99
02:11:07.000 To the chin. 0.99
02:11:08.000 Boom! 0.99
02:11:08.000 To the legs. 0.99
02:11:09.000 Boom! 0.99
02:11:09.000 To the body. 0.99
02:11:10.000 And the way he's moving them and manipulating them, man, this is some high level shit. 0.99
02:11:15.000 And you just didn't, at the time, see this level of Muay Thai in MMA. It was very rare to see, at least from this position, it's a very rare position to see prolonged in an MMA fight up until this point. 0.97
02:11:29.000 So there, his nose is just shattered, and now Anderson's just moving in for the kill.
02:11:33.000 And he gets it again.
02:11:33.000 Boom!
02:11:34.000 It hits him in the temple, and that's it.
02:11:36.000 It's over.
02:11:37.000 That's it.
02:11:37.000 And his nose was destroyed.
02:11:39.000 I mean destroyed.
02:11:40.000 It was like on the other side of his head.
02:11:42.000 That's when he took the title?
02:11:43.000 Yeah, that's when he took the title.
02:11:44.000 But back it up just a little bit, Jamie.
02:11:46.000 No, I wasn't at this point.
02:11:47.000 You can see the nose.
02:11:48.000 You can see what?
02:11:49.000 No, a little bit more.
02:11:50.000 Like right there.
02:11:50.000 Let it go right there.
02:11:51.000 Watch when he...
02:11:52.000 Look at his nose.
02:11:53.000 It's destroyed.
02:11:54.000 Oh, it's caved at the top.
02:11:55.000 There's no bridge.
02:11:56.000 There's no bridge.
02:11:57.000 No, it's completely smashed.
02:11:59.000 Oh! 0.60
02:12:01.000 His nose was never the same again. 0.99
02:12:02.000 He had to get nasal reconstruction surgery, and it was a big deal, and they have to, you know, put splints on your fucking nose and build it back up. 0.97
02:12:11.000 And he came back. 0.98
02:12:11.000 Fought more. 0.98
02:12:12.000 Yes, he did.
02:12:12.000 He fought him again.
02:12:13.000 Fought Anderson again.
02:12:14.000 Got beat up again.
02:12:15.000 Just, I mean, he did his best.
02:12:17.000 He fought well, and he fought great fighters.
02:12:20.000 I mean, Rich Franklin had some great wars.
02:12:22.000 Vanderlei Silva in the UFC knocked out Chuck Liddell in his last fight.
02:12:25.000 Later was Vanderlei, right?
02:12:26.000 Oh, Chuck was later.
02:12:27.000 That's right.
02:12:27.000 Chuck was his last fight.
02:12:28.000 His last fight in the UFC. Didn't he have a broken arm when he knocked out Chuck?
02:12:31.000 Yep. 1.00
02:12:31.000 He was like, fuck it, I got one shot. 1.00
02:12:32.000 Let's go for it. 1.00
02:12:33.000 Chuck broke his left arm with a kick. 1.00
02:12:35.000 Chuck kicked fucking hard. 0.99
02:12:37.000 There's been some good fights in that thing. 0.99
02:12:38.000 Oh my god.
02:12:39.000 But that was like the first time we'd seen that level of that clinch in a world championship level fight.
02:12:45.000 You'd never see anybody control someone for that long with a tie clinch.
02:12:49.000 So Anderson was responsible for a lot of innovation.
02:12:52.000 A lot of firsts.
02:12:53.000 And not necessarily innovation in that he's using pretty standard traditional techniques for that respective art form.
02:12:59.000 Like a front kick is the most standard technique ever.
02:13:01.000 But oddly enough, there was no front kick KOs until he knocked out Vitor Belfort.
02:13:06.000 It's amazing when you see that and then it opens up.
02:13:08.000 Skateboarding has that too.
02:13:09.000 Where it's like someone will do it and then everybody goes, oh, let's all do that.
02:13:13.000 Yeah.
02:13:13.000 When Liotto knocked out Randy Couture with a jumping front kick to the face, everybody was like, oh!
02:13:20.000 In Toronto and from like 60,000 people.
02:13:22.000 Oh yeah, that's a big one.
02:13:24.000 Yeah.
02:13:25.000 When are they going to do the garden?
02:13:26.000 I don't know.
02:13:27.000 Well, they can do it now.
02:13:28.000 It's just recently got passed.
02:13:30.000 But to finish up this Frankie Edgar thing, Frankie Edgar could beat him. 0.99
02:13:36.000 If he can get taken down and dominated like that with Nate, Frankie's a goddamn tornado. 0.99
02:13:42.000 I feel bad for Frankie Edgar. 0.99
02:13:42.000 I do too. 0.99
02:13:43.000 For getting left out to like, this is a title eliminator fight, and now it's been like, I guess not a year, but like, where's his title shot?
02:13:50.000 He did what he had to.
02:13:51.000 You said win this, and you get a title shot.
02:13:54.000 Financially, though, you gotta understand their point of view.
02:13:57.000 Okay, but in the meantime, Aldo, Edgar, interim title.
02:13:59.000 Yeah, or Max Holloway.
02:14:01.000 Max Holloway's in the mix as well.
02:14:03.000 Against who?
02:14:04.000 Edgar?
02:14:05.000 Or you could jump Edgar.
02:14:06.000 It would be either, well, you know what?
02:14:10.000 I say you gotta give Aldo a rematch.
02:14:11.000 You gotta give Aldo a rematch.
02:14:12.000 Nine straight years, no losses, you gotta let him fight again.
02:14:15.000 Right, of course.
02:14:16.000 But that's not a rematch.
02:14:17.000 Not a rematch.
02:14:18.000 I'm saying like title, who is either against Conor or whoever.
02:14:21.000 Okay, yeah, I agree with that.
02:14:22.000 But he's the number one contender.
02:14:23.000 That's a good call.
02:14:24.000 Or you could set up a fight where Frankie fights Max Holloway.
02:14:30.000 Another eliminator.
02:14:32.000 Yeah.
02:14:32.000 The problem with that fight is then you get rid of one of the best contenders if it actually comes to pass.
02:14:38.000 I feel like he's already done that title eliminator thing.
02:14:41.000 He won it.
02:14:42.000 He did what he's asked to.
02:14:43.000 Then have Max Holloway fight the winner of Aldo, Frankie. 0.85
02:14:47.000 The real problem is a financial problem because the money with Nate Diaz is going to be so goddamn gigantic.
02:14:53.000 Yeah, but in the meantime, also have that fight.
02:14:54.000 Right.
02:14:54.000 But the problem is one of those guys can either get lost and get beat up.
02:14:59.000 You have three pieces in play at 145. I agree with you.
02:15:03.000 Yeah.
02:15:03.000 But I'm saying, like, the smart move, really, is you tell...
02:15:08.000 Connery has to pick a weight class.
02:15:09.000 And if you want to fight at 170, you've got to give up your 145-pound title, and they fight for the real title, not for the interim title.
02:15:16.000 That's the real thing.
02:15:18.000 Just give up your title.
02:15:19.000 Just give it up.
02:15:20.000 John Jones had to give up his title because of legal problems, right?
02:15:23.000 So give up your title.
02:15:23.000 What's his name?
02:15:25.000 Aldo had to give it up because he couldn't fight for a while.
02:15:28.000 What?
02:15:28.000 Well, no, he never did.
02:15:29.000 He didn't give up a study, right?
02:15:30.000 They intermed him.
02:15:31.000 Interim. 1.00
02:15:31.000 But fuck the interim. 1.00
02:15:32.000 Just give up your title. 1.00
02:15:33.000 You know, it doesn't matter.
02:15:34.000 It's not a loss.
02:15:35.000 The loss is to Nate Diaz.
02:15:36.000 You want to go to 170, that means you're campaigning there.
02:15:38.000 You can't just freeze up the division. 0.97
02:15:40.000 So then you have Aldo versus Frankie for the real fucking title. 0.94
02:15:44.000 And they fought already before, by the way. 0.98
02:15:46.000 Aldo-Frankie.
02:15:46.000 Yes.
02:15:47.000 And Aldo beat Frankie.
02:15:48.000 It was doing Aldo in his prime.
02:15:50.000 But I think that Frankie is better right now than he was then.
02:15:54.000 And I think that he's got some spectacular...
02:15:56.000 Frankie only wins fights he's not supposed to win.
02:15:58.000 That's all he keeps doing and doing and doing.
02:15:59.000 He just keeps winning fights he's not supposed to win.
02:16:01.000 Well, he wins fights he's supposed to win, too.
02:16:03.000 Yeah.
02:16:03.000 Oh, yeah.
02:16:04.000 You're right.
02:16:04.000 Favorite fight.
02:16:05.000 I mean, Frankie's still... 0.98
02:16:06.000 From the start, he makes his name on these fucking BJ fights and all these fights. 0.94
02:16:10.000 It's like, nah, I didn't have a chance. 0.99
02:16:11.000 And then he just keeps doing it.
02:16:12.000 Mm-hmm.
02:16:13.000 The Cub Swanson fight was an overwhelming fight.
02:16:16.000 And then the Chad Mendes knockout.
02:16:17.000 He knocked out Chad Mendes with one punch.
02:16:19.000 He's at the top of the heap, in my opinion.
02:16:21.000 So I think that a rematch is not a bad idea between Frankie and Aldo for the title.
02:16:27.000 And you have that on an undercard of UFC 200 or UFC whatever the fuck you're going to have with Nate Diaz.
02:16:33.000 And then if Conor wants someday to come back to 45, then it's like, sure man, we'll give you a title fight right away.
02:16:36.000 It's not like Conor's not going to know that he already beat Aldo and knocked him out with one punch. 0.97
02:16:40.000 He could talk all kinds of mad shit for the rematch. 0.96
02:16:42.000 They could do it, run it all back again, if Aldo can get past Frankie. 0.98
02:16:47.000 So there's a lot of fun stuff that can happen.
02:16:50.000 But the Nate Diaz fight has to take place because my point was, this is my final point, is that if he beats Nate Diaz, he silences everybody.
02:16:58.000 If he goes out there and he fights smart and he snipes him and he stays the fuck away from the boxing, he uses a lot of leg kicks the way Dos Anjos did.
02:17:06.000 Because Nate stands real heavy on the front leg.
02:17:08.000 His front leg will be his right leg.
02:17:10.000 And Connor is a southpaw.
02:17:12.000 So Connor will be throwing a hard left leg kick from the back leg.
02:17:15.000 It's a good setup for him in that regard.
02:17:17.000 And then also, Connor knows now he can't knock Nate out with one punch.
02:17:21.000 So he's not going to load up and try to uncork, he's going to try to fight smart. 0.96
02:17:25.000 So in fighting smart, then he'll be able to incorporate leg kicks, and he'll be able to incorporate, he'll also understand he's got to fucking stay off the ground. 0.79
02:17:34.000 You're not going to do well on the ground when Nate Diaz. 0.87
02:17:37.000 He's at a very, very high level on the ground.
02:17:39.000 So unless Conor gets way better with his jiu-jitsu by the time that fight takes place...
02:17:44.000 Keep the fight standing up.
02:17:46.000 Use a lot of leg kicks.
02:17:47.000 And he beats him.
02:17:48.000 And if he beats him, if he beats Nate Diaz...
02:17:51.000 Two options.
02:17:51.000 Beats him or loses.
02:17:52.000 Yeah.
02:17:53.000 So if he loses, he was going to lose to...
02:17:54.000 He might have lost to Frankie.
02:17:56.000 I don't want to say he's going to.
02:17:56.000 But he could have lost to Aldo in a rematch.
02:17:58.000 Anything could have happened.
02:17:58.000 If he loses, he's got to get away from 170. Then that Nate Diaz money's gone.
02:18:01.000 See, the Nate Diaz money's the big money.
02:18:03.000 He's the most famous guy along with Conor right now.
02:18:05.000 If he wins, they're doing a third fight.
02:18:08.000 100%.
02:18:08.000 Third fight, yeah.
02:18:09.000 And then they give up that fucking title at 145. And get... 0.99
02:18:13.000 Fucking rich. 0.99
02:18:14.000 I mean, at some level, if you're a martial artist, and emphasize the artist, like, keep your fucking titles, the way Cerrone seems to think about it. 1.00
02:18:24.000 Like, I'm just here to fight, man. 0.97
02:18:26.000 You put whatever belt you want on me.
02:18:27.000 You certainly want that title.
02:18:29.000 Yeah, but it's like...
02:18:30.000 Yeah, I feel what you're saying.
02:18:32.000 Yeah, I think it's about money weights.
02:18:35.000 You know, money fights are what's really important.
02:18:38.000 It's not a matter of titles. 0.96
02:18:39.000 No one would give a fuck if neither... 0.89
02:18:41.000 Nate Diaz doesn't have a title and Conor McGregor's not the welterweight champion. 0.99
02:18:45.000 If he gave up his title, that wouldn't mean a goddamn thing. 0.92
02:18:48.000 Still a war. 0.98
02:18:49.000 Still a great fight.
02:18:49.000 You still have former featherweight champion versus former ultimate fighter winner who stopped this guy in the second round of their last fight.
02:18:57.000 It's a spectacular Spectacular fight.
02:18:58.000 God, and the trash is so good.
02:19:00.000 Oh, it's a giant fight. 0.98
02:19:00.000 You're on steroids. 0.98
02:19:01.000 How do you take that back?
02:19:03.000 All right, steroids.
02:19:03.000 Yeah, it's a giant fight.
02:19:05.000 What have I ever done?
02:19:05.000 I've never done it.
02:19:06.000 Steroids.
02:19:07.000 Yeah.
02:19:08.000 So great.
02:19:10.000 And Nate was unflapped.
02:19:13.000 Unflappable.
02:19:14.000 That's the best when they told him in his last fight.
02:19:15.000 They were like, Nate, you gotta stop talking.
02:19:17.000 The ref stopped talking.
02:19:17.000 He's like, why?
02:19:18.000 That's how I fight.
02:19:19.000 When I fight in Stockton, I fight.
02:19:21.000 You can't tell him. 1.00
02:19:21.000 I talk shit. 1.00
02:19:22.000 What do you mean? 1.00
02:19:22.000 Is that a rule? 1.00
02:19:23.000 The referee needs to shut the fuck up. 1.00
02:19:24.000 Is that a rule? 0.99
02:19:24.000 It's not a rule. 0.99
02:19:25.000 You can't do that.
02:19:26.000 There's a lot of stuff that referees...
02:19:27.000 Referees get a little busy in there sometimes. 1.00
02:19:30.000 They interfere too much.
02:19:31.000 Yeah.
02:19:32.000 They talk too much.
02:19:33.000 Fight.
02:19:33.000 Come on, guys.
02:19:33.000 Fight.
02:19:34.000 Keep it moving.
02:19:34.000 When they are fighting, sometimes they say that.
02:19:36.000 When guys are clenching...
02:19:37.000 And they have a turn and go, what?
02:19:39.000 Yeah.
02:19:40.000 There's some referees that are just not that good.
02:19:42.000 Oh, right.
02:19:42.000 You know, there's guys that say it when it's appropriate.
02:19:45.000 Like, Herb Dean will say it when it's appropriate.
02:19:47.000 Like, if someone's like, they're stalling.
02:19:48.000 He's great.
02:19:50.000 He's a gold standard.
02:19:51.000 Him and McCarthy are the gold standard.
02:19:52.000 They're the best.
02:19:53.000 And Josh Rosenfeld.
02:19:55.000 Let me tell you this, I saw once at the Pearl, I saw her being called a fight, and people were booing, early stoppage, early stoppage.
02:20:05.000 And I saw him walk out of the octagon, I saw him walk out of the octagon, and look at the replay, and watch it, I saw him watch it, and then he sees the replay and goes, yeah.
02:20:15.000 He was like, no, I did the right thing.
02:20:17.000 Yeah, he and I had a conversation after the Tim Sylvia fight.
02:20:22.000 Tim Sylvia fought Frank Mir, and the audience was booing because he stopped the fight because they didn't see it.
02:20:28.000 But I saw it because I had the replay in front of me and the screen.
02:20:32.000 The audience didn't have a screen that they could call from the truck instantly, so they had to put it up on the big screen where you could see Frank's arm break.
02:20:40.000 So, or excuse me, see Tim's arm break.
02:20:43.000 So Frank got him in an arm bar and snapped his forearm in half.
02:20:48.000 And Herb was right there and called it.
02:20:50.000 And the audience was screaming, boo, boo, boo.
02:20:54.000 But when I got in there, I go, what's going on?
02:20:57.000 I go, it looks like it was broken.
02:20:58.000 He goes, oh yeah, I heard it.
02:20:59.000 It snapped.
02:21:00.000 And so then we played it back to the audience.
02:21:03.000 And I said, well, watch this.
02:21:04.000 What's that?
02:21:04.000 What's that?
02:21:05.000 I go, that's a broken arm.
02:21:07.000 And then I showed it to Tim Sylvia, and Tim Sylvia thanked Herb Dean after the fight.
02:21:11.000 He's like, I was complaining about the early stoppage, but you saved my career. 0.97
02:21:15.000 Like, my fucking arm was broken in half. 0.98
02:21:16.000 And so Herb was like, he heard the snap, saw the bone break. 1.00
02:21:20.000 Because he could have done a lot more damage if he kept fucking with it. 0.99
02:21:22.000 Well, Herb was in the perfect position. 0.99
02:21:23.000 He's a really good referee.
02:21:25.000 Tim Apollida said thank you.
02:21:26.000 Yeah.
02:21:26.000 Thank you for saving my career.
02:21:27.000 And his fucking arm, man. 0.99
02:21:29.000 Because if someone yanks on a compound fracture and it goes right through the skin and the bone bursts, you use all sorts of risk of infection, real serious complications. 0.99
02:21:37.000 I mean, who knows if that arm's ever going to be the same again.
02:21:39.000 Most exciting fight I might have ever seen.
02:21:42.000 Tim Sylvia, Randy Couture in Columbus.
02:21:44.000 That was a great fight.
02:21:45.000 First fight they ever had in Columbus.
02:21:47.000 Randy knocked him down the first round.
02:21:49.000 And then everyone was like, what?
02:21:50.000 Yeah.
02:21:50.000 No, he can't take the title.
02:21:52.000 Yeah.
02:21:53.000 All right, one round.
02:21:54.000 That's good.
02:21:54.000 That's good.
02:21:55.000 And then went on the second round.
02:21:56.000 I was like, dude, if he wins one more round, he'll win the decision.
02:22:00.000 Randy big brothered him.
02:22:01.000 Beat him 5-0.
02:22:02.000 And he stepped in with like the inside leg kick fake to the big right hand and just clobbered Tim Sylvia.
02:22:09.000 And I think Tim just totally never recovered from that.
02:22:12.000 It was probably just caught him on the chin and whomped him.
02:22:16.000 Did you ever see Tim Sylvia when he fought Ray Mercer?
02:22:18.000 Yeah.
02:22:19.000 Dude, that was a crazy idea.
02:22:21.000 Sad.
02:22:21.000 That was a crazy idea.
02:22:23.000 And he still faked the leg kick.
02:22:23.000 And Tim Mercer was like, we're not going to do kicks, right?
02:22:25.000 We're not going to do pussy shit. 1.00
02:22:26.000 He didn't fake the leg kick. 1.00
02:22:27.000 This is what was supposed to happen.
02:22:28.000 They were supposed to have a boxing match.
02:22:30.000 It was supposed to be Ray Mercer versus Tim Sylvia with a boxing match.
02:22:33.000 But because Ray Mercer was a world champion and Tim Sylvia didn't have any pro boxing matches, they wouldn't sanction it.
02:22:40.000 So they had to make it MMA. But they said, hey, MMA, you and I, we both know we're just going to do boxing.
02:22:45.000 And they were like, yeah, yeah, yeah.
02:22:46.000 Allegedly, they agreed to that.
02:22:48.000 And then Tim Sylvia leg kicked him and Ray Mercer hit him with a haymaker from hell.
02:22:53.000 It was a haymaker on steroids. 0.99
02:22:55.000 It was a knockout on crack.
02:22:59.000 Yeah, Ray Mercer was a monster when he was young. 0.55
02:23:02.000 He can hit hard.
02:23:04.000 That's like the last thing that goes away with a guy like him.
02:23:07.000 Here it is.
02:23:07.000 See, he gets kicked and he's like, oh man.
02:23:09.000 He's like, you motherfucker. 1.00
02:23:09.000 I thought we talked about this. 1.00
02:23:11.000 And then he fucking unloads. 0.99
02:23:12.000 Tim's a big boy too. 0.99
02:23:13.000 Boom! 0.99
02:23:13.000 Look at that. 0.99
02:23:13.000 What is he? 0.99
02:23:14.000 6'8", 6'10"?
02:23:15.000 Yeah.
02:23:16.000 Oh, he's enormous.
02:23:17.000 Out.
02:23:17.000 Yeah.
02:23:18.000 Oh, he got slipped.
02:23:20.000 Watch this punch.
02:23:21.000 Womp! 1.00
02:23:22.000 That guy hits so hard.
02:23:23.000 For him to catch you like that on the chin.
02:23:26.000 Ray Mercer.
02:23:27.000 He was awesome back in the day.
02:23:30.000 Ray Mercer was awesome.
02:23:32.000 That knockout of Tommy Morrison.
02:23:34.000 Did you ever see that?
02:23:34.000 No.
02:23:35.000 Tommy Gunn?
02:23:36.000 Oh my god.
02:23:37.000 One of the most frightening knockouts in the history of boxing, for sure.
02:23:41.000 Tommy Morrison was the guy.
02:23:44.000 He was the white hope.
02:23:45.000 Everybody thought he was going to be the heavyweight champion.
02:23:46.000 He was in the Rocky movie.
02:23:48.000 He was this badass. 0.98
02:23:49.000 And he fought motherfucking Ray Mercer. 0.99
02:23:51.000 And Ray Mercer, boom! 0.99
02:23:52.000 He catches him with this shot. 1.00
02:23:54.000 And look at this fucking combination. 1.00
02:23:57.000 Boom! 1.00
02:23:58.000 Boom! 0.99
02:23:59.000 Boom! 0.99
02:23:59.000 And Tommy gets caught up in the ropes here. 0.99
02:24:01.000 See? 0.58
02:24:01.000 As he's going down look his arm gets wrapped up in the ropes and look at this boom boom he's out standing up the refs trying to stop him and he's caught he was caught in the ropes he should have been down dude it was brutal it was brutal it's one of the worst KOs ever and Morrison came back from that but not really that's amazing he was always fucked up from that that fight was just devastating He got tired. 0.58
02:24:31.000 The anxiety of the event and the fact that Ray Mercer hit so hard, you know, you're always nervous, you're always scared, and then he got caught.
02:24:38.000 Bang! 1.00
02:24:39.000 He started slowing down, he got caught. 1.00
02:24:41.000 Ray Mercer could close the fucking show, too. 0.99
02:24:44.000 Speaking of fights... 1.00
02:24:45.000 Speaking of fights...
02:24:46.000 Greg Fitzsimmons is going to be doing a fight story in the next season of This Is Not Happening.
02:24:50.000 Oh, are you plugging?
02:24:51.000 Yeah.
02:24:52.000 I didn't realize I was doing it.
02:24:54.000 But it is every Tuesday night.
02:24:55.000 You've got just three episodes left.
02:24:57.000 Didn't you just say you're going to be somewhere soon, doing stand-up comedy, perhaps this weekend?
02:25:00.000 You might have thought about Tempe, Arizona, the improv.
02:25:02.000 Oh, the Tempe improv.
02:25:03.000 What a place.
02:25:04.000 AriTheGreat.com.
02:25:05.000 Hey, if you go to our website, 105thezoo, and if you enter in your email address, you can win tickets to see Ari Shaffir.
02:25:14.000 All right.
02:25:15.000 Most likely we'll just annoy you.
02:25:17.000 Yeah, and this is for sure.
02:25:19.000 You guys, you can DVR the show for sure.
02:25:20.000 I'd like you to do that. 0.99
02:25:21.000 Ron White's on this week with me doing that story about Chinese shit squat toilet. 0.99
02:25:25.000 Oh, nice. 0.99
02:25:25.000 Yeah, I worked it into like a long, nice story. 0.99
02:25:27.000 But if you Google or YouTube search, this is not happening playlist, you'll see the unedited versions of these long form stories.
02:25:35.000 71 videos up right now.
02:25:37.000 Diaz has probably four of them.
02:25:38.000 That's beautiful.
02:25:39.000 Rogan has two.
02:25:40.000 I remember when you started us all out, man, at the improv lab.
02:25:43.000 Improv side room.
02:25:44.000 12 people.
02:25:45.000 Belladonna was one of them.
02:25:46.000 Belladonna.
02:25:46.000 She was in the audience.
02:25:48.000 Whatever happened to her?
02:25:48.000 I don't know.
02:25:49.000 She was tired.
02:25:50.000 She got out of the business.
02:25:51.000 I don't really come across her on Pornhub anymore.
02:25:54.000 They just get out of the business, man.
02:25:55.000 But yeah, I started with nothing.
02:25:57.000 Diaz and Marin was in the first one.
02:25:59.000 Did you start from the bottom, now you're here?
02:26:00.000 I guess so.
02:26:01.000 I guess so.
02:26:02.000 I think you did.
02:26:02.000 I think you started from the bottom, now the whole crew's here.
02:26:04.000 That might be true.
02:26:06.000 I think that really holds true.
02:26:08.000 I mean, it's inarguable at this point.
02:26:11.000 Starting from the bottom, now we're here.
02:26:13.000 Diaz is on in three weeks in the season finale.
02:26:15.000 So, Cyborg's in the UFC now, too.
02:26:17.000 Yeah, that's amazing.
02:26:18.000 I just heard that from you, Royal Open Pool.
02:26:20.000 Yeah.
02:26:21.000 Finally!
02:26:22.000 Mm-hmm.
02:26:22.000 Finally!
02:26:23.000 Yeah, at 140. At 140. Yeah, the problem is...
02:26:26.000 Now, Ronna fights at 35? 0.98
02:26:28.000 Yes.
02:26:29.000 And she's going to fight Leslie Smith, who fights at 135. It's the girl who had her ear exploded. 0.95
02:26:35.000 Her ear got torn off by Jessica Ai.
02:26:37.000 What's the problem?
02:26:39.000 Well, it's not a problem, but it's a 140-pound weight class instead of a 145. The 145 is what she's champion of in Invicta, and I think the idea is that they worry that they don't have enough 145-pound talent.
02:26:52.000 I think they didn't have enough 135-pound talent.
02:26:56.000 No, for sure they didn't.
02:26:56.000 They didn't have 115-pound talent.
02:26:58.000 They're about to give somebody a third rematch in five years.
02:27:03.000 Like, come on, man.
02:27:05.000 What?
02:27:05.000 You mean Misha Tate?
02:27:06.000 Yeah.
02:27:06.000 It's like you don't have a deep enough weight class if that's what you keep doing.
02:27:10.000 Well, sort of.
02:27:11.000 But, I mean, that's the same problem they're going to have right now at welterweight.
02:27:14.000 The same problem you're talking about at 145, which has a lot of talent.
02:27:18.000 There's a lot of talent at 145 in men's.
02:27:20.000 Oh, yeah.
02:27:20.000 You know, so...
02:27:21.000 This is what I think. 1.00
02:27:22.000 I think, first of all, she's fucking terrifying. 1.00
02:27:26.000 Terrifying. 0.99
02:27:26.000 When I talk about one of the scariest female strikers in MMA, Cyborg's terrifying. 0.99
02:27:30.000 And Tony and I got in trouble because we said some inappropriate jokes about what would a roast be like with her.
02:27:36.000 All jokes aside, even before that, I had tweeted that I would love to see her in the UFC. For sure.
02:27:43.000 She's the name. 0.99
02:27:44.000 She's a monster. 1.00
02:27:44.000 And I think also, we shouldn't have double standards as far as who takes performance-enhancing drugs, whether it's for men or for women. 1.00
02:27:51.000 Is there?
02:27:52.000 I think there kind of is.
02:27:53.000 I think the way people look at it, when a woman is taking testosterone versus a man taking testosterone.
02:27:59.000 Because it's not already part of your body.
02:28:01.000 Yeah.
02:28:02.000 But, you know, honestly, like some of the things that men have been caught with have been pretty unnatural as well, like superhuman levels of testosterone that don't even exist in medical books.
02:28:11.000 You know, so you could argue that it's dangerous because a woman does change her anatomy. 1.00
02:28:17.000 Whatever, they're testing her now.
02:28:18.000 Yeah, but your anatomy changes.
02:28:20.000 Oh, right.
02:28:20.000 But you have to make a weight class.
02:28:23.000 It's tricky, man.
02:28:24.000 I mean, it always seemed, before this Holly Holm thing happened, and that's all fishy, too.
02:28:28.000 What's fishy?
02:28:29.000 Yeah.
02:28:30.000 Rhonda won't take a fight, won't take a fight against Holly Holm, and then it's suddenly like Misha Tate wins, like, I'm ready to fight now.
02:28:35.000 No, she's not necessarily ready to fight now.
02:28:37.000 No, she's not.
02:28:38.000 She can't fight until like November.
02:28:40.000 Oh, really?
02:28:40.000 Yeah, she's got movie obligations.
02:28:42.000 They got moved around.
02:28:43.000 See, that's bad right there.
02:28:44.000 That is bad.
02:28:45.000 When the movies get in the way of your fights, you gotta pick one or the other.
02:28:50.000 Go in between.
02:28:51.000 Yeah.
02:28:51.000 Wait in four months and say, as soon as my fight's over, I can do your movie for the next three months, and then I get her back to training.
02:28:56.000 It's gotta be hard, though, when you're...
02:28:58.000 You know, a super celebrity and you're getting all this love and everybody wants to put you in all these different things.
02:29:03.000 It's got to be hard to say no to certain things. 0.99
02:29:05.000 Obviously, but the same shit happens in female comics. 1.00
02:29:07.000 Yeah, but it's way worse with a fighter because a fighter has to be physically tuned up to go in to do battle and get kicked in the fucking head. 1.00
02:29:14.000 Yeah, it's way worse with a fighter. 0.99
02:29:15.000 It's just similar where it's like you're not concentrating on the thing that got you there.
02:29:18.000 So the thing that got you there is now suffering.
02:29:20.000 Maybe you don't care anymore.
02:29:21.000 Maybe you just want to do movies.
02:29:22.000 Okay.
02:29:23.000 Well, that happens to a lot of comics when they make it.
02:29:25.000 All of a sudden, you start getting movie offers and TV show offers. 0.99
02:29:28.000 And their stand-up sucks.
02:29:29.000 Yeah, you've got to spend time in the trenches. 0.99
02:29:31.000 I'll work out for two weeks before my special.
02:29:33.000 I was like, oh, no, you can't do that.
02:29:35.000 Dude, I had a conversation with a guy who was on a TV show about that.
02:29:37.000 He was telling me he was doing a special.
02:29:39.000 I'm like, when are you doing it?
02:29:40.000 It's like Saturday night.
02:29:41.000 I knew he had been doing like one or two sets a week.
02:29:45.000 I was like, whoa, hmm, all right.
02:29:48.000 Yeah, like, what are you doing?
02:29:49.000 He wasn't even doing one or two headline sets a week.
02:29:52.000 It's not like he's doing one or two theaters a week.
02:29:54.000 Just 15-minute sets?
02:29:55.000 No, he's doing spots.
02:29:55.000 Doing spots.
02:29:56.000 That's crazy.
02:29:57.000 It's a lack of respect for the art form.
02:29:58.000 Well, it's not knowing.
02:29:59.000 For yourself.
02:30:00.000 Not knowing.
02:30:01.000 Not having done it, you know?
02:30:03.000 Not having done it the right way where you feel better and everything's loose.
02:30:06.000 Right.
02:30:07.000 You know, you think, I'm doing well.
02:30:08.000 My sets are going well.
02:30:09.000 We've all made...
02:30:11.000 It's different than stringing together an hour and four minutes.
02:30:13.000 Yeah.
02:30:14.000 Yeah, I mean, you can...
02:30:15.000 It's just...
02:30:16.000 To do it the right way.
02:30:18.000 Like the way...
02:30:20.000 I think, gives it the most time to grow. 0.82
02:30:23.000 You have to have material that you've worked on for a long time, and you have to put a lot of effort into it, and then you have to tighten that shit down and get a really great comedy shape for about two months. 0.61
02:30:33.000 That's what I think. 0.89
02:30:34.000 I think you need two solid months of every weekend smashing it.
02:30:38.000 Every weekend, two shows Friday, two shows Saturday, show on Sunday, do spouts during the week.
02:30:42.000 I mean, you know it, dude.
02:30:44.000 When people ask me, what's the best show to watch?
02:30:45.000 I'm just like, I don't know, they're all the same.
02:30:46.000 But, if it's my first time on the road, even in two weeks, That Thursday show, that first show of the week, is not going to be the best show.
02:30:54.000 It depends, though.
02:30:55.000 It depends, sure.
02:30:56.000 I could get Lewis and have fun.
02:30:57.000 How many spots you're doing during the week and how excited you are to be in San Francisco.
02:30:59.000 Right, absolutely.
02:31:00.000 And if I just performed Thursday through Sunday the week before, so this is only three days later, yeah, I'm going to be sharp.
02:31:06.000 But if it's been a few weeks and it's like, but by Saturday of that week, oh, I'm on fire.
02:31:11.000 And there's a big difference between doing Thursday night if you are coming off of a weekend run of like three, four, five weekends in a row.
02:31:20.000 Oh yeah, then you're on fire.
02:31:21.000 Then you're on fire.
02:31:22.000 Like one of the times, the only time I've ever gone on a real tour was when I did that thing with Charlie Murphy and Hefron.
02:31:28.000 Yeah.
02:31:29.000 And we did that real men of comedy Maxim thing.
02:31:31.000 That thing, man, we did 22 or 23 dates and And you're just doing show after show after show after show.
02:31:38.000 And how sharp do you get? 1.00
02:31:39.000 Oh, you get like a fucking samurai sword, man. 1.00
02:31:43.000 The blade just gets folded down and polished. 1.00
02:31:46.000 Yeah, now imagine if you took off half those days to go shoot a movie.
02:31:49.000 How would your final shows have been?
02:31:50.000 How about most of those days?
02:31:51.000 Yeah, exactly.
02:31:52.000 Yeah.
02:31:52.000 There's no way.
02:31:53.000 But it's like everything else.
02:31:54.000 Everything else.
02:31:55.000 I mean, you don't become a world champion fighter without dedicating your life to it.
02:32:00.000 You don't become a great musician without a lot of rehearsal and a lot of planning.
02:32:04.000 How much are you going to prep?
02:32:05.000 How many weeks in a row before your next special are you going to go?
02:32:07.000 What are you going to do?
02:32:08.000 What percentage?
02:32:09.000 No less than eight weeks.
02:32:10.000 Well, first of all, I've taken vacations.
02:32:13.000 I took a vacation last week, which I wrote when I was on vacation.
02:32:16.000 Sometimes I think those vacation times...
02:32:19.000 You can step away for a few days.
02:32:19.000 That's okay.
02:32:20.000 Yeah, but sometimes I think those vacation times where I know I'm not going to perform and I just write my thoughts down with no pressure just to fuck around. 0.97
02:32:26.000 I get ideas. 0.83
02:32:28.000 I get little seeds that grow from those sort of, you know, those introspective sit-down moments on the beach.
02:32:36.000 Also, this doesn't have to be presented right now.
02:32:37.000 What's that?
02:32:38.000 This doesn't have to be presented to an audience right now.
02:32:40.000 So you have two or three days to form your thoughts fully and really go into it.
02:32:44.000 Five days, a week, whatever it is.
02:32:46.000 My point being, I'm constantly working.
02:32:49.000 I'm not taking any time off.
02:32:51.000 Besides having a little vacation time.
02:32:53.000 Even when I had a vacation, I came back and I did...
02:32:55.000 I came back on my vacation on Thursday night and I was performing Friday and Saturday night.
02:32:58.000 I went right back in.
02:33:00.000 And I'm doing two, three shows a night.
02:33:02.000 I'm doing them at different clubs.
02:33:03.000 I'm moving around and then I'm doing the road.
02:33:05.000 I think you gotta stay sharp.
02:33:07.000 You gotta bear down.
02:33:08.000 But the last run, I accept no less than two months.
02:33:13.000 What?
02:33:13.000 Every week?
02:33:14.000 Yeah.
02:33:15.000 On the road?
02:33:15.000 Every week.
02:33:16.000 Somewhere.
02:33:17.000 It doesn't have to be on the road.
02:33:18.000 It could be the Irvine Improv.
02:33:19.000 It could be Ontario.
02:33:20.000 I mean, doing hours.
02:33:21.000 Yes.
02:33:21.000 So you're saying seven straight weeks and then film on the 8th.
02:33:25.000 Yeah.
02:33:26.000 And you're not going to take...
02:33:27.000 Sometimes I thought...
02:33:28.000 And I don't know if I should take the week off before.
02:33:32.000 So then when Thursday comes, wherever...
02:33:34.000 I'm doing it in Cap City in October.
02:33:36.000 But when I do, I have a little freshness to it.
02:33:39.000 You could do that.
02:33:40.000 I don't know the right way.
02:33:41.000 And I also want to do like a garbage club the week before that. 0.99
02:33:45.000 Just to fuck around. 0.99
02:33:46.000 Like a sea level room where I won't have fans and I can just like, let me test, let me fail here. 1.00
02:33:49.000 You'll have fans everywhere you go.
02:33:50.000 As long as you put it online.
02:33:53.000 You'll have fans in dating.
02:33:54.000 Yeah, just lower percentage.
02:33:55.000 You know what I mean.
02:33:56.000 Just like, I don't have a draw here. 0.99
02:33:57.000 Garbage people. 0.99
02:33:58.000 You know those people. 1.00
02:33:59.000 They vote for Ted Cruz.
02:34:02.000 You know those people.
02:34:03.000 They're not on the coast.
02:34:05.000 I don't know, man.
02:34:06.000 I think it's very different for everybody.
02:34:08.000 So you're going to do eight straight weeks.
02:34:10.000 That's great.
02:34:10.000 You're going to be so, you're going to be fire.
02:34:12.000 I think you have to.
02:34:13.000 I think you could also, like, during the weekdays, I gotta do, like, ice house sets, and do Tuesday night.
02:34:20.000 No, but, like, do not just store sets, but do long sets during the week, too.
02:34:24.000 You just gotta hammer it down, man.
02:34:26.000 And you'll know, you'll know if you're burning, you know, if you're not feeling that good about it, and you'll know if it's, you know, you're feeling good.
02:34:33.000 But I think, um...
02:34:35.000 I don't know, man.
02:34:37.000 It's exciting stuff.
02:34:38.000 Yeah, you're, uh...
02:34:42.000 Kurt...
02:34:43.000 Whatever. 1.00
02:34:43.000 Some new bits you have are fucking... 1.00
02:34:45.000 They're fire, man. 1.00
02:34:46.000 They're fire.
02:34:47.000 I'm into it right now.
02:34:49.000 I'm really into it.
02:34:50.000 Loving it, man.
02:34:51.000 Another thing is coming back to the store, which has been a little over a year now.
02:34:55.000 How you feeling now? 1.00
02:34:56.000 Fuck. 1.00
02:34:57.000 Love it. 1.00
02:34:57.000 Very happy. 1.00
02:34:58.000 Perfect move.
02:34:59.000 Feels like being away from it was great.
02:35:01.000 It's your home.
02:35:02.000 You were at war for a while or something, then you got back home and everything's normal again.
02:35:04.000 It's better.
02:35:05.000 It's better.
02:35:06.000 The young crop is better.
02:35:07.000 eBay has completely changed the game over there.
02:35:09.000 I reached out to people like Fitzsimmons and Hannibal and just be like, hey, whatever the system was, here's the number to call in.
02:35:15.000 Call in every Monday.
02:35:16.000 I'd love to have you.
02:35:17.000 You're one of the best comics in the country.
02:35:18.000 Just come on in.
02:35:19.000 Adam came to get me.
02:35:20.000 He came to get you.
02:35:20.000 One of the reasons why I came by.
02:35:21.000 What did he do?
02:35:22.000 I wanted to go by there again for two reasons.
02:35:25.000 One, because you were doing your special there.
02:35:26.000 I knew I had to be there.
02:35:28.000 So I was like, okay.
02:35:29.000 Thank you.
02:35:29.000 That meant a lot to me.
02:35:31.000 Yeah, I had to.
02:35:32.000 I was like, I'm not gonna...
02:35:34.000 It was a huge deal.
02:35:36.000 Like, you getting your first Comedy Central special and, you know, me being your friend from when you were a doorman.
02:35:43.000 Yeah.
02:35:43.000 Yeah.
02:35:45.000 Door guy.
02:35:45.000 For sure.
02:35:46.000 And I'm like, dude, you know, you have a Comedy Central special and it's filming at the store.
02:35:51.000 Yeah.
02:35:52.000 Yeah.
02:35:53.000 You know, I was going.
02:35:55.000 Pretty excited about that.
02:35:55.000 Yeah, so I decided to go the day before for that.
02:35:59.000 So I came down on...
02:36:01.000 So it wouldn't be like during the special, like, oh my God, Josie.
02:36:04.000 Yeah, get it out of the way.
02:36:05.000 Yeah, I had to go, like, just relax.
02:36:07.000 Yeah.
02:36:07.000 The fact that I was there.
02:36:09.000 So I went to Roast Battle, and I was like, wow, the vibe of this place is crazy.
02:36:13.000 I was like, this is so much better than it was before.
02:36:16.000 It's the young crop so much better.
02:36:19.000 That roast battle is insane.
02:36:21.000 They've empowered.
02:36:22.000 Emily has empowered the door guides.
02:36:23.000 If you can come up with a show and you can get some people there, I'll give you the belly room.
02:36:27.000 Just come up with a show.
02:36:29.000 I'm looking for you guys to make...
02:36:30.000 Instead of before, we're like, Mitzi will never let us do anything.
02:36:32.000 Yeah.
02:36:33.000 No, it's a totally different animal.
02:36:35.000 It's just way better.
02:36:36.000 And it's also, we've been talking about this, that there's people now that became comedy fans because of the internet, from YouTube clips and from podcasts, and they understand it now.
02:36:47.000 And they know that that's the place where we fuck around and work out, and they know that we're going to be there all the time.
02:36:52.000 You mean audience members? 0.96
02:36:53.000 Yeah.
02:36:53.000 Right.
02:36:54.000 You build it and they'll come. 1.00
02:36:55.000 Like, you go there now and it's fucking mobbed. 1.00
02:36:58.000 It's mobbed on a fucking Wednesday. 1.00
02:36:59.000 It's mobbed on a Tuesday. 0.99
02:37:00.000 Monday, the open mic show, the employee show, they're like, it's packed there because it's one of the only times you can get a free show at the comedy store.
02:37:05.000 Dude, they sold out 20 nights in the OR in a row.
02:37:08.000 In the OR. In the OR. Okay, and people don't understand what this means.
02:37:11.000 It's insane.
02:37:12.000 It's only, maybe, it's not only, it's 165 seats.
02:37:15.000 But when I ran the cover booth, there were Tuesdays and Wednesdays, consistently, you couldn't start with less than six people.
02:37:22.000 Yeah.
02:37:22.000 And we wouldn't start.
02:37:23.000 The show's supposed to start at nine, we wouldn't start until like ten.
02:37:25.000 Yeah.
02:37:25.000 Because we wouldn't get six people in there.
02:37:27.000 Yeah, there'd be nobody there.
02:37:28.000 Six! 0.76
02:37:29.000 Yeah.
02:37:30.000 And now it's just, knowing that, those times were only, I mean, less than a decade ago, it was like, wow.
02:37:36.000 The internet changed the game, son.
02:37:38.000 Changed the game.
02:37:39.000 Changed the whole game.
02:37:40.000 And podcasts changed the game. 0.99
02:37:43.000 Everybody's got a goddamn podcast. 0.99
02:37:44.000 Yeah, you can get some fans. 0.99
02:37:45.000 Bill Burr, Mark Maron.
02:37:47.000 I mean, Mark Maron's entire fame is based on a podcast.
02:37:50.000 He didn't get fame from anything.
02:37:52.000 I mean, a little bit from that America show.
02:37:55.000 But that was all kind of gone.
02:37:56.000 Yeah.
02:37:57.000 He had a small base, but that's not who he's got now.
02:37:59.000 Yeah.
02:38:00.000 No, I mean, now he's famous.
02:38:01.000 Air America.
02:38:02.000 He's famous.
02:38:03.000 And he's famous because of the internet, because of podcasting.
02:38:06.000 Al Madrigal's there.
02:38:07.000 You know what I mean?
02:38:08.000 It's like...
02:38:09.000 That's an amazing thing. 1.00
02:38:09.000 It overthrew a fucking government in Libya and in Egypt. 1.00
02:38:12.000 Yeah. 1.00
02:38:13.000 You know?
02:38:16.000 Yeah. 1.00
02:38:17.000 The internet's a motherfucker, dude. 1.00
02:38:18.000 It's a motherfucker. 1.00
02:38:20.000 And so the place is what it should have always been. 1.00
02:38:22.000 It's like the best...
02:38:25.000 Like, playground for comics.
02:38:27.000 Whatever you want. 1.00
02:38:28.000 Fuck around. 1.00
02:38:29.000 Come up with great material. 1.00
02:38:31.000 And Holtzman.
02:38:32.000 Oh my god.
02:38:34.000 Folks, if you're in town on a night where Brian Holtzman is closing out the main room, just go.
02:38:41.000 I mean, this is not...
02:38:42.000 It's not become a thing yet.
02:38:43.000 It should be a thing.
02:38:45.000 Like, when people are talking about, like, Kinnison is prime...
02:38:48.000 It came in late night, right?
02:38:49.000 Yeah, it was all late night.
02:38:50.000 I'm telling you, Brian Holtzman on Friday night, he got on stage at like, you know, like 12 o'clock, 12.30 or something like that.
02:38:57.000 That's three and a half hours into the show.
02:38:59.000 It's a long show.
02:39:00.000 If that's the main room, if there were 300 people in there, there's probably 30 at this point.
02:39:04.000 Well, there's more and more now.
02:39:05.000 That's what's interesting.
02:39:06.000 There was like 60 or 70 there to see.
02:39:08.000 It's still a show.
02:39:09.000 People know that it's happening now.
02:39:11.000 And the thing is, that show goes on forever. 0.98
02:39:12.000 So if you finish your bar at fucking 11.30, you can just roll in. 0.99
02:39:17.000 I'm telling you. 0.99
02:39:18.000 Catch the second half of it. 1.00
02:39:19.000 He's a fucking animal. 1.00
02:39:20.000 He's so funny. 0.99
02:39:21.000 And Brian is a guy that was there when I first arrived in 94. You know how Mitzi found him?
02:39:27.000 She was in her office upstairs.
02:39:29.000 Remember that old office up there?
02:39:31.000 And there's a door.
02:39:33.000 You can still see it's kind of sealed up into the belly room from her office.
02:39:36.000 She heard somebody killing.
02:39:38.000 And she was like, what is this?
02:39:39.000 She just kind of listened to the door and then she opened it up and it was Holtzman on stage.
02:39:43.000 Wow.
02:39:43.000 Get him over here.
02:39:45.000 Wow.
02:39:46.000 Yeah, and like a bringer show type thing, like an open mic type thing.
02:39:49.000 Just one of my favorite comedians.
02:39:50.000 He almost made me barf once.
02:39:53.000 Like I was laughing so hard.
02:39:54.000 I couldn't even control it.
02:39:58.000 I don't want to do any of his material, but his bit about Hillary Clinton.
02:40:03.000 Yeah, you can't.
02:40:03.000 It's literally so singular and individual.
02:40:06.000 Because of the anger he brings to it.
02:40:08.000 I mean, when Charlie's Angels came out...
02:40:12.000 They used to have ashtrays at the comedy store. 0.98
02:40:15.000 These big fucking thick glass ones. 0.99
02:40:17.000 I mean, thick and big. 0.99
02:40:19.000 I mean, the size of this alarm clock.
02:40:20.000 Remember those things?
02:40:21.000 Eventually, they got the plastic ones, but they had them up there.
02:40:23.000 It was only for the comedians to smoke if they wanted to, because a few did.
02:40:26.000 And he goes, Charlie, I don't like that movie because it gives women the false impression that they can defend themselves. 1.00
02:40:32.000 I am a 220 pound former crack addict, former Marine! 1.00
02:40:36.000 And he takes the fucking ashtray and he just slams it. 1.00
02:40:39.000 I will crush it and it just shatters! 0.99
02:40:41.000 Yeah, he destroyed a giant glass ashtray on stage.
02:40:45.000 And you would say, that's not funny, that's scary.
02:40:48.000 He's talking about beating women. 0.91
02:40:49.000 You have to see it, I'm telling you.
02:40:51.000 It's a character, and he'll break character occasionally and giggle and laugh, and then he goes back into it. 1.00
02:40:57.000 Fuck, dude. 1.00
02:40:59.000 Either laugh or put your heads down. 1.00
02:41:00.000 If you don't want to laugh at the joke, then put your heads down.
02:41:01.000 He would do sometimes bad jokes, like real stock jokes, so he could get mad at the crowd for not laughing at them.
02:41:08.000 Not stock jokes, just his own stock jokes.
02:41:10.000 Right.
02:41:10.000 So he'd get mad at the crowd for not the joke, so he can go off.
02:41:14.000 Yeah.
02:41:15.000 Well, he just wants to be angry.
02:41:16.000 Yeah. 1.00
02:41:17.000 But it's fucking. 1.00
02:41:19.000 Anyway. 1.00
02:41:19.000 Yeah. 1.00
02:41:20.000 Comedy store.
02:41:21.000 It's awesome.
02:41:21.000 That's it, folks.
02:41:23.000 We gotta bring this bitch home. 1.00
02:41:24.000 I gotta go work for the UFC. I got some countdown shit to do. 1.00
02:41:27.000 I'm gonna find out some secrets. 0.93
02:41:28.000 Find out about some fights. 0.99
02:41:29.000 Some shit nobody knows about. 1.00
02:41:31.000 Woo! 1.00
02:41:35.000 So excited.
02:41:36.000 Cyborg Rousey.
02:41:37.000 Everybody wants to see that.
02:41:38.000 Yeah, well, that's gotta happen after Cyborg fights Leslie Smith. 0.94
02:41:42.000 That's in May in Brazil.
02:41:43.000 Brazil!
02:41:44.000 Yeah. 1.00
02:41:44.000 That's it, you fucks. 1.00
02:41:46.000 We'll be back tomorrow with Andrew Dice Clay. 1.00
02:41:47.000 Holla at your boy. 0.81
02:41:49.000 Nice.
02:41:49.000 Very excited.
02:41:51.000 Very excited.
02:41:51.000 And until then, Ari, anything to say to the people?
02:41:55.000 Guys, I guess not. 1.00
02:41:58.000 Okay, go fuck yourself from Ari Shafir. 1.00
02:42:01.000 Love ya. 1.00
02:42:02.000 Make sure to tune it.
02:42:02.000 DVR my show.
02:42:03.000 This is not happening.
02:42:04.000 Tuesday night slash Wednesday morning at 12.30 on Comedy Central.
02:42:06.000 We got three episodes left and Diaz is on one of them.
02:42:08.000 And Sean Patton tells maybe the best story of the year.
02:42:11.000 The last episode and Simone's on in two weeks.
02:42:13.000 Ron White's on this week with me.
02:42:14.000 Beautiful.
02:42:15.000 Beautiful.
02:42:15.000 Alright folks, see you soon.
02:42:16.000 Much love.
02:42:17.000 Bye.