The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #803 - Joey Diaz & Lee Syatt

00:00:00.000 Hello, ladies and gentlemen.

00:00:02.000 We're here with Lee Syatt and Joe Diaz.

00:00:04.000 My name's Joe Rogan and I host a podcast called The Experience.

00:00:09.000 Dude, this poster you just brought me in. 0.97

00:00:11.000 Joey Diaz just brought me in one of the dopest fucking things I've ever seen in my life. 0.97

00:00:15.000 It is a poster with Leonard Skinner and the Rolling Stones. 0.98

00:00:19.000 And we were talking about this on the way in here.

00:00:23.000 The Nebworth Festival from 1976. America's Confederate rockers, Leonard Skinner.

00:00:28.000 And then underneath it, it says, along with the best rock and roll band in the world, Britain's own Rolling Stones.

00:00:35.000 Which is kind of weird.

00:00:37.000 Because you've got one band that's the headliner, they're the biggest picture.

00:00:41.000 And then it says the other band's the best band in the world.

00:00:45.000 How high are we?

00:00:46.000 No, it's just...

00:00:47.000 They didn't know.

00:00:48.000 They didn't know. 0.98

00:00:49.000 They had no fucking idea the power that these guys were bringing over. 0.98

00:00:53.000 They had been on the road opening up for Ted. 0.97

00:00:56.000 Ted was a powerhouse in 76. Ted Nugent?

00:00:59.000 Oh! 0.60

00:01:01.000 Cat Scratch Fever.

00:01:02.000 Oh! 0.60

00:01:02.000 You know, Free Fall, Cat Scratch Fever, and then the live album. 0.60

00:01:07.000 Stranglehold.

00:01:08.000 To this day.

00:01:09.000 Nobody was messing with Ted.

00:01:10.000 He was hunting.

00:01:11.000 He was eating what he hunted.

00:01:12.000 Nobody had heard these things. 1.00

00:01:14.000 He was hunting with some shitty ass equipment too. 0.99

00:01:16.000 They had like old school archery bows back then, like recurves and like real shitty compound bows. 0.99

00:01:22.000 Did he have like the whole compound then with like the animals and like the fakers?

00:01:26.000 His family has had property in Michigan.

00:01:29.000 He's got a couple places.

00:01:30.000 He's got one place in Florida and he's got one place in Michigan.

00:01:33.000 And they're both like these gigantic private hunting grounds.

00:01:39.000 He didn't do any coke.

00:01:41.000 He just took all his money and he bought just a giant chunk of land.

00:01:45.000 And then he's got one in Texas now.

00:01:47.000 No booze, no cigarettes, no nothing.

00:01:49.000 He doesn't do any of that?

00:01:50.000 He doesn't party at all?

00:01:51.000 No, no.

00:01:52.000 I think he drinks a little wine. 1.00

00:01:53.000 He's fucking crazy. 0.99

00:01:55.000 But, like, when those guys try to debate him, like, did you ever see Ted Nugent versus Pierce Morgan? 0.99

00:02:01.000 No.

00:02:01.000 On Gun Control?

00:02:02.000 No.

00:02:03.000 He lit him up like a Christmas tree.

00:02:04.000 Because Pierce Morgan didn't have all his... 0.98

00:02:06.000 Pierce Morgan is, like, you know, he's a proper-sounding British guy, but, like, when it gets to the fucking red line... 0.96

00:02:15.000 When it gets the red line of arguments, he falls apart. 0.96

00:02:19.000 Like Ben Shapiro ate him up and Ted Nugent ate him up.

00:02:22.000 A lot of the conservative guys that are like really slick, smooth talkers, they can eat him up when they get into the really like high revs of the conversation.

00:02:32.000 Because he didn't understand that a lot of the gun deaths is also bad guys that are shot by guns.

00:02:36.000 Like people that are shot by cops.

00:02:38.000 Like all that stuff is sort of calculated it in.

00:02:41.000 He didn't have all his facts in order.

00:02:44.000 So if you're arguing with a guy like Nugent, who does these kind of arguments with people, like gun control arguments, he's got his words down to a T. He's done a couple of these.

00:02:53.000 He did one of them in a gun store.

00:02:55.000 They were in a gun store.

00:02:58.000 Yeah, sure, go ahead, play some of it.

00:03:00.000 It's hilarious.

00:03:00.000 I'm on a rock and roll stage.

00:03:01.000 I just sang a song about feisty.

00:03:04.000 I mean, you've got to be kidding me.

00:03:06.000 On a rock.

00:03:07.000 Did you ever see Richard Pryor live?

00:03:08.000 How about Sam Kinison?

00:03:09.000 How about Lenny Bruce?

00:03:10.000 I'm one of them.

00:03:11.000 Get over it.

00:03:12.000 That's some funny.

00:03:13.000 For a man who is a patriot, who purports to love his country, that was quite a shocking disrespect to your president.

00:03:20.000 Well, let me put it in official CNN Piers Morgan's review term.

00:03:24.000 Shall I? Yes.

00:03:25.000 My mimey friend?

00:03:26.000 Yes. 1.00

00:03:27.000 Anybody that wants to disarm me can drop dead. 0.99

00:03:31.000 Anybody that wants to make me unarmed and helpless, people that want to literally create the proven places where more innocents are killed called gun-free zones, we're going to beat you. 1.00

00:03:43.000 We're going to vote you out of office or suck on my machine gun. 1.00

00:03:46.000 You can take it whichever way you like. 1.00

00:03:48.000 Much as I'd love to suck on your machine gun, the whole point of your defense is that a lot of people do drop dead precisely because you are armed to the teeth. 0.98

00:03:56.000 And you'd like everybody else to be. 0.99

00:03:58.000 Not true at all.

00:03:58.000 Here, write this down.

00:03:59.000 See, you're so rich.

00:04:00.000 No, you write this down.

00:04:01.000 Eighty people a day die in America from gunshots.

00:04:05.000 And 75 of them to 78 of them, statistics by the Uniform Crime Report by the FBI and the UN study on violent crime, 78 of those 80 are let out of their cages by corrupt judges and prosecutors who know that recidivism is out of control,

00:04:22.000 know that they'll commit the crimes again, And they let them walk through plea bargaining, early release, and program. 1.00

00:04:27.000 Kiss my ass! 1.00

00:04:29.000 Where you have the most armed citizens in America, you have the lowest violent crime rate. 1.00

00:04:34.000 Where you have the worst gun control, you have the highest crime rate.

00:04:38.000 Piers, choose one.

00:04:40.000 Do you want a lot of crime?

00:04:41.000 We have it.

00:04:42.000 Gun-free zones. 0.72

00:04:43.000 Do you want less crime?

00:04:44.000 We have that.

00:04:45.000 More people with concealed weapons permit.

00:04:47.000 Why do you guys resist that statistic?

00:04:49.000 Well, don't say you guys.

00:04:50.000 It's you guys!

00:04:51.000 Well, unless you're playing the devil's advocate.

00:04:53.000 I can play any advocate I like.

00:04:55.000 It's my show.

00:04:55.000 You're doing a fine job.

00:04:56.000 You're playing the idiot's advocate here. 1.00

00:04:58.000 More guns equals less crime. 1.00

00:05:00.000 Period.

00:05:01.000 Unless I'm wrong... 1.00

00:05:02.000 And I don't want to kiss your ass at this point, if you don't mind. 0.99

00:05:07.000 Unless I'm wrong with your argument. 0.99

00:05:08.000 Well, you're basically saying that, you know, 90% of the gun crime comes from people led out of prison.

00:05:13.000 It's 96%.

00:05:14.000 Right, right.

00:05:14.000 But go ahead.

00:05:15.000 But they still have to get access to firearms.

00:05:17.000 If you had your way, there would be 10 times as many firearms, right?

00:05:21.000 You want everyone in America to want a gun.

00:05:23.000 Not at all.

00:05:24.000 I've never said that.

00:05:25.000 That's not your position?

00:05:25.000 And I got to tell you.

00:05:27.000 What is your position?

00:05:28.000 And I hope you don't edit this out.

00:05:30.000 Whenever I've done interviews with guys that are inclined to be anti-gun, they always go, well, Nugent wants everybody to have a machine gun. 0.63

00:05:40.000 Nugent wants all the deer dead.

00:05:41.000 What does Nugent want? 0.69

00:05:42.000 Not even close.

00:05:44.000 What do you want?

00:05:44.000 What I want is the Second Amendment.

00:05:47.000 We the people, free individuals to have the right to keep and bear arms for self-defense.

00:05:52.000 Find fault with that.

00:05:55.000 Shut them down. 1.00

00:05:56.000 It's too good at that shit. 1.00

00:05:58.000 The argument is just too weird. 1.00

00:06:00.000 It's just a weird argument.

00:06:01.000 I see both sides of it.

00:06:02.000 If nobody had guns, if there's no guns, nobody getting shot. 0.99

00:06:05.000 But I think people would be machete-ing people more and shit. 0.98

00:06:08.000 They do something. 0.99

00:06:09.000 They do something.

00:06:10.000 So they're saying 75 out of 80 gun deaths are criminals and bad people?

00:06:15.000 I don't know what the real numbers are, but that's what he was saying in that argument.

00:06:18.000 He was saying something along those lines.

00:06:21.000 When we talk about people that die in gun deaths, a lot of the people that die in gun deaths are cons, ex-cons, people out of jail, people who have already committed violent crimes in their life, which makes sense. 0.95

00:06:32.000 Most of the violent shit's going to be happening by people with a history of violence. 0.96

00:06:36.000 Well, it's crazy the penalty you get for, like, an ex-felon with a gun. 0.98

00:06:40.000 Like, Gucci Mane, just get out after two years.

00:06:42.000 This other guy has been in prison.

00:06:44.000 Like, you can go to prison for, like, seven years.

00:06:46.000 Like, there's a guy who said he's Prince's son.

00:06:48.000 He's in prison for seven years, and he was a felon in possession of a handgun.

00:06:52.000 Let me ask you this.

00:06:53.000 When it's a guy like Gucci Mane, who's a big-time public character, right?

00:06:57.000 He's a famous guy.

00:06:58.000 Right.

00:06:58.000 He's got ice cream tattooed on his face.

00:07:00.000 He's fucking crazy. 1.00

00:07:02.000 Right? 1.00

00:07:02.000 When a guy like Gucci gets caught for something like that, do you think they make an example out of him? 1.00

00:07:06.000 Do you think that they take that guy...

00:07:08.000 Well, in New York, you already have that law.

00:07:11.000 The whatever law.

00:07:12.000 That if you get caught with a firearm, you do two years.

00:07:15.000 Just period.

00:07:16.000 Period.

00:07:16.000 I don't know exactly what the parameters of the law, the Brady law or something.

00:07:21.000 You do two years.

00:07:22.000 You don't even go to court.

00:07:23.000 It's two years automatically if you get caught with a gun without a permit.

00:07:27.000 I don't know exactly the parameters.

00:07:29.000 Right.

00:07:32.000 Does that keep people from doing crimes?

00:07:34.000 What's that?

00:07:35.000 That two years?

00:07:36.000 Yeah.

00:07:36.000 That carrying a gun for two years in New York?

00:07:39.000 Yes and no.

00:07:40.000 Yes and no, right?

00:07:41.000 Yes and no.

00:07:42.000 Some people carry a gun and all of a sudden they go, you know what, I'm not going to, what I do for a living, whatever, I don't know.

00:07:48.000 You know, it's like a Usain Gucci man right now.

00:07:50.000 Right.

00:07:50.000 He's a high profile guy.

00:07:52.000 You know, you're out at night, you see some crazy shit at night. 1.00

00:07:56.000 There's times I'm driving after one, I'm like, I should have carried a fucking gun tonight. 1.00

00:08:01.000 You know, just in case. 0.99

00:08:02.000 Just in case.

00:08:03.000 You never know.

00:08:04.000 I don't know if...

00:08:05.000 Look, we were just talking about when you came in, about Denver and Texas.

00:08:09.000 Like, the make-my-day law.

00:08:11.000 I know people who have moved to Colorado for that law.

00:08:16.000 Did you ever see the video of Sonny Liston pulling a gun on Mahalo and Ali?

00:08:22.000 Have you ever seen that before?

00:08:23.000 Never before.

00:08:24.000 Never before the other day.

00:08:25.000 Tony told me about it.

00:08:26.000 Hinchcliffe told me about it.

00:08:27.000 We were at the Ice House.

00:08:28.000 And I was like, you gotta be kidding me.

00:08:29.000 There's a video of this?

00:08:31.000 Play that.

00:08:32.000 We'll play both of them. 1.00

00:08:33.000 Today we're gonna just play some shit. 1.00

00:08:35.000 Look at this. 1.00

00:08:37.000 So he was apparently screaming shit at Ali everywhere he went. 1.00

00:08:43.000 And Sonny Liston was just tired of his bullshit. 1.00

00:08:47.000 The whole situation finally came to a head when Clay approached Liston at the Desert Inn in Las Vegas, where the champ was shooting craps and losing. 0.99

00:09:02.000 Liston was in no mood to be harangued by the mouth from the south.

00:09:06.000 Drawing a gun, Sonny fired, frightening his young tormentor into a hasty retreat.

00:09:10.000 The gun was filled with blanks.

00:09:16.000 Holy...

00:09:17.000 Come on, son.

00:09:18.000 That is one of the craziest things you're ever going to see in your life.

00:09:21.000 He pulled a gun out on Ali.

00:09:26.000 In the middle of a casino, shot it in the air, and then said, look, it's just blanks, no big deal. 1.00

00:09:30.000 Wanted to go back to his crap game. 0.99

00:09:33.000 Like, dude, what kind of environment did that dude grow up in? 1.00

00:09:36.000 I used to know a lot of people that would carry fucking starter pistols and shit. 0.99

00:09:41.000 In the 70s just to get the fuck out of there and carry those type of pistols. 0.99

00:09:46.000 Because you never know. 0.94

00:09:47.000 Right.

00:09:47.000 But what happens if the other guy has a real one?

00:09:49.000 Then you're fucking dead. 1.00

00:09:50.000 Then you're fucked. 1.00

00:09:51.000 Then you're fucked. 1.00

00:09:52.000 But that Sonny Liston thing was so crazy with, first of all, how casually he did that. 1.00

00:09:58.000 He did it so casually.

00:10:00.000 And then how he shot his jacket to let everybody know it was just blanks.

00:10:03.000 Like, come on, relax.

00:10:05.000 Like, no big deal.

00:10:06.000 Let's just go back to the game, right?

00:10:07.000 Like, he just went back to the game. 0.97

00:10:09.000 He didn't go, I gotta get the fuck out of here right now before TMZ shows up. 0.95

00:10:13.000 Doug, let me tell you something. 1.00

00:10:14.000 Nobody runs quicker when they hear gunshots than black people. 1.00

00:10:17.000 They fucking, they react, they react exactly. 1.00

00:10:19.000 They know what time it is when they hear fucking that shit. 1.00

00:10:22.000 Look at him. 1.00

00:10:22.000 He just shoots it in the air and they all run low. 1.00

00:10:25.000 It just shows you, like, Ali was so crazy.

00:10:34.000 But then didn't Ali shoot a gun at Frazier in Africa? 0.83

00:10:38.000 Did he?

00:10:39.000 Somebody shot somebody in Africa.

00:10:41.000 Not shot, but pulled up to the hotel with a gun in Africa.

00:10:44.000 Whether it was Foreman or Frazier, somebody.

00:10:48.000 When Ali was in his hotel room, they went over.

00:10:51.000 It was Frazier.

00:10:52.000 Was it? 0.99

00:10:53.000 Frasier went over there with a gun and pointed it up at the building and shit. 0.99

00:10:56.000 Really? 0.99

00:10:57.000 Either or, or something crazy like that.

00:11:00.000 God, dudes were just putting guns on each other back then.

00:11:03.000 People weren't ready for Ali in the 60s when he'd be playing with your head like that.

00:11:07.000 They just weren't ready for him.

00:11:09.000 Look at him, he's still tormenting him in the casino.

00:11:12.000 Still tormenting him in the casino.

00:11:13.000 I looked a megaphone out of the bus window.

00:11:16.000 Yeah, exactly.

00:11:18.000 And that was in front of his house.

00:11:19.000 He pulled up on his lawn.

00:11:21.000 Yeah, he told me.

00:11:22.000 That's what he was doing.

00:11:23.000 And didn't the bus say, like, champ?

00:11:24.000 Best box in the world or something crazy?

00:11:29.000 I know, like, I'm telling you, man, I think McGregor takes it to a very high level, but you gotta go back and look at the old Ali stuff.

00:11:37.000 Maybe sometimes I forgot how good it was, because nobody had been like that before him.

00:11:41.000 He showed up with the gorilla face, and he insulted Joe Frazier.

00:11:45.000 What does it say?

00:11:45.000 The most colorful fighter?

00:11:47.000 Yeah.

00:11:49.000 The world's most colorful.

00:11:50.000 Cassius Clay, the world's most colorful fighter.

00:11:53.000 And this was back before he'd even changed his name.

00:11:56.000 Cassius Clay.

00:11:57.000 Wow.

00:11:58.000 It's crazy, man.

00:11:59.000 It's crazy that that was in our parents' lifetime.

00:12:03.000 It seems like a different world.

00:12:06.000 What in your parents' lifetime?

00:12:08.000 I'm an old man, though.

00:12:09.000 I still remember fighting him Frazier.

00:12:12.000 I still remember being a little kid going home, living in New York City.

00:12:17.000 What year was that?

00:12:17.000 What year was Sonny Liston?

00:12:19.000 I want to say that was when I was a baby, like I was 67. Like it's 1967 or something?

00:12:25.000 I don't know.

00:12:27.000 When did he win the title?

00:12:30.000 What year was it?

00:12:32.000 When he beat Sonny Liston?

00:12:34.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:12:34.000 Sonny Liston was fucking crazy. 1.00

00:12:36.000 He's the one that they didn't even know how old he really was. 1.00

00:12:38.000 No, no one knew how old he was. 0.98

00:12:39.000 He could've been fucking 90, he could've been 30. He's like a Cuban dude. 1.00

00:12:42.000 The first fight was in 64, second was 65. 64. So I wasn't even born yet.

00:12:47.000 So it was three years before I was born.

00:12:49.000 And that was a different world, man.

00:12:51.000 It's a different world.

00:12:52.000 You're watching that video, you're like, wow.

00:12:55.000 Like, America was just a different place.

00:12:57.000 So when Cassius Clay was fighting, all of the country would just stop.

00:13:01.000 Like, everyone and everywhere would just watch the fight.

00:13:04.000 Well, I remember when I was a kid, I was living in San Francisco, and my parents went, we went way out of our way to make sure that we watched TV because Sonny Liston and Muhammad Ali, not Sonny Liston, Leon Spinks and Muhammad Ali were having the rematch.

00:13:18.000 And the rematch was a big thing to everybody because Muhammad Ali...

00:13:22.000 He was such a hero.

00:13:24.000 He was so much more than just a fighter.

00:13:28.000 Especially then, because he had gone over the three years of not fought because he didn't want to go to Vietnam.

00:13:33.000 What year was that?

00:13:34.000 Leon II and Muhammad Ali.

00:13:36.000 It was in the early 70s.

00:13:39.000 I want to say...

00:13:40.000 Leon had no teeth.

00:13:42.000 Yeah, Leon had no teeth.

00:13:43.000 Michael was the one that fought Tyson, that Tyson knocked out in Atlantic City.

00:13:49.000 Yes.

00:13:49.000 Yes, that's Michael Spinks.

00:13:51.000 Michael Spinks was the jinx.

00:13:53.000 He was the former light heavyweight champion.

00:13:54.000 He was a light heavyweight champ for many years.

00:13:56.000 He was a really good light heavyweight.

00:13:57.000 Really good boxer.

00:13:59.000 Very smart and beat Larry Holmes for the heavyweight title.

00:14:03.000 But he really wasn't a heavyweight.

00:14:04.000 You know, he beat Larry Holmes when Larry Holmes couldn't pull the trigger anymore.

00:14:07.000 And...

00:14:09.000 Michael just was real slick, real smart.

00:14:11.000 He wasn't dangerous enough to threaten Holmes to try to knock him out, but Larry just didn't have it in the tank like he did later in life.

00:14:19.000 It was a controversial decision anyway, but anyway, he beat Larry, and so he became the champ.

00:14:24.000 I guess it was like an IBF champ or something like that.

00:14:27.000 I don't even remember.

00:14:28.000 And then Tyson just murked him.

00:14:29.000 Murked him.

00:14:31.000 It was awful.

00:14:33.000 That's the difference between a real heavyweight and a light heavyweight.

00:14:35.000 There's just a difference in frame.

00:14:37.000 Nobody had ever done that to Michael Spinks.

00:14:40.000 Michael Spinks was so good.

00:14:41.000 He had a nasty right hand, dude. 0.96

00:14:43.000 He was fucking dudes up at light heavyweight. 0.98

00:14:45.000 But he was also... 0.88

00:14:47.000 Had a long career.

00:14:49.000 Fought a lot of really tough guys.

00:14:51.000 And then, you know, gets the money fight.

00:14:54.000 The night that Tyson knocked him out in record time, I was never so pissed off in my life.

00:15:00.000 Because I was robbing a drug deal.

00:15:01.000 And he left the house to go watch the fight at somebody's house. 1.00

00:15:05.000 So here I am casing the fucking joint. 0.99

00:15:07.000 He leaves ten minutes before the fight. 1.00

00:15:09.000 I'm still crawling through the window fighting the dog off.

00:15:12.000 And all of a sudden I hear cars. 1.00

00:15:14.000 I get in my fucking car. 1.00

00:15:15.000 I got the coke. 1.00

00:15:16.000 But all of a sudden I see him coming back and he calls me like a novelist.

00:15:19.000 Somebody robbed my house.

00:15:20.000 What are you talking about?

00:15:21.000 Oh, God.

00:15:21.000 I came back early because he knocked him out in 13 seconds.

00:15:24.000 13 seconds! 1.00

00:15:25.000 What the fuck? 0.99

00:15:26.000 I'm never in Boulder, Colorado on MacArthur Lane. 1.00

00:15:30.000 I was casing the motherfucker out. 0.99

00:15:35.000 Those are the days where, do you remember the closed circuit days? 0.99

00:15:39.000 Yeah.

00:15:39.000 We used to watch fights at movie theaters.

00:15:42.000 Really?

00:15:43.000 Yeah, it was a big thing.

00:15:44.000 Yeah, your friends would get together, and we'd all go to a movie theater, and we'd watch a fight on closed circuit.

00:15:52.000 Or they'd even have it at the Boston Garden.

00:15:54.000 I used to go to the track.

00:15:56.000 Oh, yeah?

00:15:56.000 In the Meadowlands, and that's where I saw your boy, the Detroit Hitman.

00:16:01.000 Tommy Hearns?

00:16:01.000 Fight somebody, like a great fight.

00:16:03.000 I don't know if it was Duran or Leonard.

00:16:05.000 Duran, he murked Duran.

00:16:07.000 But he fought somebody, and we watched it on the track on a Monday night.

00:16:11.000 You ever see that knockout that Hearns, have you seen it recently?

00:16:14.000 Yes, no, no.

00:16:14.000 Pull that up.

00:16:16.000 Tommy Hearns, man, was such a freak of nature, because he was so tall and long, man, and he had muscle.

00:16:23.000 Yeah.

00:16:24.000 Like, he wasn't just tall and long. 0.98

00:16:25.000 He was tall and long, but he was fucking strong. 0.96

00:16:28.000 And if he caught you at the end of that right hand, I mean, it was one of the most devastating punches in all boxing. 0.98

00:16:34.000 Which is why it was so crazy that Hagler was able to just walk right through him.

00:16:38.000 Hagler just walked right through him, man.

00:16:41.000 Hagler could just take it like nobody else.

00:16:44.000 I mean, Hagler had nasty power, but one of the things that was most impressive about Hagler was you could just hit him with anything.

00:16:52.000 Him and Duran had a great fight.

00:16:53.000 He never seemed to be hurt.

00:16:54.000 Hagler and Duran had a great fight in 84. That was a great, great, great fucking fight. 0.99

00:16:58.000 Well, it seemed like Hagler really respected Duran in that fight and really didn't Take it to him. 0.99

00:17:05.000 He knew how dangerous Duran was.

00:17:06.000 Duran was still a real sneaky boxer.

00:17:09.000 This is after he had beaten Davey Moore.

00:17:11.000 But see, Hearn just had this distance, man. 0.99

00:17:13.000 And he could fuck Duran up at distance. 1.00

00:17:18.000 He would just, like, come in with that whip of a punch. 1.00

00:17:21.000 Goddamn, dude. 0.99

00:17:24.000 They don't even look like they're in the same weight class. 0.99

00:17:26.000 Woo! 0.99

00:17:26.000 There's a right hand that drops them. 0.99

00:17:28.000 Oh, shit. 0.99

00:17:29.000 They really weren't. 1.00

00:17:31.000 Duran started off his career as a 135-pounder, then moved up to 147. And I don't know what this fight...

00:17:38.000 This fight was probably 154, if I had to guess.

00:17:43.000 Find out what this fight was at, what weight class.

00:17:46.000 Because he fought as high as middleweight.

00:17:49.000 When he fought Hagler, it was at middleweight.

00:17:52.000 He was fighting guys at some pretty heavy weights.

00:17:54.000 Both were what?

00:17:56.000 154, yeah.

00:17:57.000 So that's light middle or super welterweight depending on what organization calls it.

00:18:04.000 But yeah, Duran was like 20 pounds over his ideal fighting weight.

00:18:10.000 His ideal fighting weight was lightweight.

00:18:11.000 He wasn't a big framed guy like these guys.

00:18:15.000 But he still was skillful enough to hang in with them for the most part.

00:18:19.000 But Hearns, murked! 0.58

00:18:22.000 Yeah.

00:18:24.000 There it is right there.

00:18:26.000 That's the murk shot.

00:18:29.000 That's one they don't even count for.

00:18:30.000 When you get hit like that, they don't even bother counting.

00:18:34.000 Let me ask you something.

00:18:35.000 How do you feel about guns right now at this point in your life with a family and what's going on in your life?

00:18:41.000 How do you feel about guns?

00:18:42.000 This is the real problem with guns.

00:18:44.000 The same problem with everything else. 1.00

00:18:46.000 People are fucking stupid. 1.00

00:18:48.000 There are a bunch of people that are fucking stupid. 1.00

00:18:50.000 Now, if you had to ask me, do I think that everybody in this room, do I think that they are responsible enough to handle a firearm and own a firearm? 1.00

00:18:58.000 Yes.

00:18:59.000 Absolutely.

00:19:00.000 Everybody in this room is.

00:19:01.000 I believe so.

00:19:02.000 But is it everybody in the world? 1.00

00:19:04.000 Fuck no. 0.99

00:19:05.000 But who can decide? 1.00

00:19:06.000 Well, that's the point of the whole law.

00:19:07.000 The whole point of the law is you can't let some tyrannical dictator decide who can and can't be armed.

00:19:12.000 Because at the end of the day, what we really have to worry about as much as crime is you have to worry about the government turning into crime. 0.93

00:19:20.000 Because the governments of nations all over the world have fucked the people over and done shit that people don't want, imprisoned them, enslaved them. 0.97

00:19:29.000 Are we supposed to ignore that? 0.99

00:19:30.000 Are we supposed to pretend we're past that?

00:19:32.000 We're past that completely.

00:19:33.000 People will never be like that again.

00:19:35.000 An armed militia is in the possibility that it all goes wrong.

00:19:39.000 That's what it's for.

00:19:40.000 It's not for when everything's going right.

00:19:42.000 It's for when it all goes wrong.

00:19:44.000 To deny the possibility that it could all go wrong, to me, you're lying.

00:19:50.000 You're lying.

00:19:51.000 You're pretending we're better than we are.

00:19:53.000 Because you look all over the world, there's war everywhere.

00:19:56.000 There's war everywhere in the world.

00:19:57.000 There's murder everywhere in the world.

00:19:59.000 There's robbery and thievery everywhere in the world.

00:20:02.000 There's not equal. 0.76

00:20:03.000 It's not equal with the amount of chances people have.

00:20:06.000 It's not equal the amount of time you do in jail if you get caught for things. 0.95

00:20:10.000 There's all sorts of inequalities and all sorts of real fucking problems in the world. 0.74

00:20:15.000 And to deny, to say that we've reached some utopian place where you don't have to worry about the government turning into a tyranny. 1.00

00:20:22.000 Bullshit! 0.99

00:20:23.000 No, I don't think the government right now is a tyranny. 1.00

00:20:26.000 I don't think they're controlling us.

00:20:27.000 I don't think they're doing anything unbelievably oppressive.

00:20:30.000 I think they respond to, in a certain extent, to the amount of pressure that people put on them.

00:20:35.000 And when people say things like, we don't want to go into Syria.

00:20:38.000 Remember that Syria thing? 0.54

00:20:39.000 Or Obama's on TV? We're like, fuck this! 1.00

00:20:41.000 No one wants to go to Syria! 1.00

00:20:42.000 They're like, he's back on the Syria.

00:20:46.000 He's back on the Syria. 0.78

00:20:47.000 At the end of the day, People that are used to going to war like to go to war. 0.99

00:20:53.000 They make a lot of fucking money doing it. 1.00

00:20:55.000 And you have to be aware of that kind of shit. 1.00

00:20:57.000 You gotta be aware of people trying to force you into things. 0.99

00:20:59.000 You gotta think about Kent State.

00:21:01.000 Man, that was in our lifetime.

00:21:03.000 You know? 0.99

00:21:04.000 During the Vietnam War, they fucking shot kids that were protesting. 0.99

00:21:09.000 They shot him on the college campus for doing nothing but protesting. 0.99

00:21:13.000 That wasn't that long ago, man.

00:21:15.000 It's not that long ago. 0.87

00:21:16.000 I'm not advocating that there should be some fucking uprising and people should pull guns, but I am saying you can't just have one group of people running other groups of people with no recourse. 0.94

00:21:29.000 The people don't have any No ability to stop them. 0.97

00:21:35.000 So the people in power, we just have to trust that they're gonna be good.

00:21:39.000 That's crazy.

00:21:41.000 Why would you do that?

00:21:42.000 They're just people. 1.00

00:21:42.000 And people, if you give them too much power, they almost always fuck it. 1.00

00:21:47.000 They almost always abuse the shit out of it. 0.99

00:21:49.000 It's very rare that someone gets into a position of power and all of a sudden does wonderful, selfless things for the world. 1.00

00:21:57.000 Bullshit! 1.00

00:21:58.000 They do weird things. 1.00

00:22:00.000 They have weird fucking people that get paid off. 0.99

00:22:03.000 They have subsidies for, like, oil and corn and greasy dealings with private prisons. 1.00

00:22:09.000 Like, there's a lot of fucking weird shit going on in power. 0.99

00:22:13.000 So to say that we're just all, oh, everything's gonna be fine. 0.99

00:22:16.000 We don't need guns.

00:22:17.000 In England, we don't have guns and we're fine.

00:22:19.000 You still have a queen. 0.99

00:22:21.000 You're still in some weird fucking quasi-imperial state. 0.98

00:22:26.000 The scariest thing, though, is if you go on Facebook and you scroll through, there's video after video of people fighting. 0.97

00:22:31.000 That's the biggest thing now, is world star and just people fighting.

00:22:34.000 It scares me for all these people to have guns.

00:22:36.000 That's true, too.

00:22:38.000 To be honest, with all the road rage happening, that guy a few months ago got pulled out of his car on Hollywood Boulevard or something. 0.98

00:22:43.000 I don't want a fucking gun to be on the offensive. 0.98

00:22:48.000 I don't want a gun to be on the offensive. 1.00

00:22:50.000 I want a gun in case last night him and I were talking shit till 1230 at night on my side street. 0.98

00:22:56.000 Three cops, a guy kept circling. 0.97

00:23:00.000 God, you know, after a half hour, a cop came by because somebody actually called the parlor cops and said there's two guys standing out there. 1.00

00:23:07.000 It's bullshit. 1.00

00:23:08.000 Look at you, you criminal-looking motherfucker. 1.00

00:23:10.000 No, we're out there just telling stories after the comedy story. 1.00

00:23:12.000 Yeah, I know what it is.

00:23:14.000 And for a minute there, when that white car came around the second time, I thought, yeah, I needed a gun.

00:23:20.000 I don't know what people are thinking no more.

00:23:22.000 You don't know what people are thinking.

00:23:24.000 Right. 1.00

00:23:24.000 You could zig when you could have zagged and you could run into someone who's out of their fucking mind. 1.00

00:23:29.000 Out of their fucking mind. 1.00

00:23:29.000 And you never know. 1.00

00:23:30.000 I mean, I'm not an advocate of being armed all the time.

00:23:33.000 That's not what I'm saying.

00:23:35.000 What I'm saying is you can't let the government tell you whether or not you can have a weapon.

00:23:41.000 It's just not...

00:23:42.000 It doesn't make sense.

00:23:43.000 Well, for years I had the felony.

00:23:44.000 I still have the felonies.

00:23:47.000 And the government tells me I can't have a pistol.

00:23:50.000 Now, my crime was with a pistol.

00:23:54.000 Alright, did it go off?

00:23:56.000 No, but there was a potential for violence.

00:23:57.000 There's always a potential for violence.

00:24:00.000 In my heart and in my mind, I did a probationary period already.

00:24:05.000 That was 1987. I did a probationary period again.

00:24:09.000 More than a probationary period.

00:24:11.000 I feel in my heart right now, I'm capable of carrying a gun as much as I hate it. 0.99

00:24:16.000 I fucking hate those things. 0.98

00:24:18.000 Because I know what they bring. 1.00

00:24:20.000 You know what I'm saying?

00:24:20.000 I know what they bring to some people.

00:24:22.000 They're not going to bring it to me because I'm not young and stupid anymore. 0.96

00:24:24.000 Do you understand me? 0.98

00:24:25.000 I really wanted to protect my daughter.

00:24:27.000 I really wanted to...

00:24:29.000 There's weird people doing...

00:24:31.000 Every time you watch the news... 1.00

00:24:32.000 Every time I watch the news and I see something stupid... 1.00

00:24:34.000 What happened in Houston yesterday? 1.00

00:24:35.000 You see that yesterday?

00:24:37.000 No.

00:24:37.000 What happened?

00:24:38.000 Some fucking soldier snapped. 1.00

00:24:39.000 No. 1.00

00:24:39.000 Four fucking tours in Afghanistan. 1.00

00:24:42.000 And he got some fucking machine gun. 1.00

00:24:44.000 He shot somebody at a gas station. 1.00

00:24:45.000 There were so many fucking bullets that the gas station blew up in a suburb in Houston. 0.99

00:24:50.000 The cops were in this... 1.00

00:24:51.000 You gotta see the cop cars.

00:24:52.000 It was like heat. 0.99

00:24:54.000 Remember those cars with the windshields and shit? 0.99

00:24:56.000 So did he get in a road rage with somebody? 0.99

00:24:59.000 No, no, no, no.

00:25:00.000 He just went into a gas station, shot a customer.

00:25:02.000 And from there, the party started.

00:25:04.000 Walked down the street shooting.

00:25:06.000 One dead, six injured. 1.00

00:25:08.000 You know, shot up 30 fucking cars in the middle of the street. 1.00

00:25:11.000 I'm walking to a movie with my daughter. 1.00

00:25:13.000 I'm minding my business. 0.99

00:25:14.000 Lee, instead of fucking driving, let's walk to the taco place today. 0.99

00:25:18.000 Right. 1.00

00:25:18.000 That could happen. 1.00

00:25:19.000 That could happen.

00:25:20.000 I know this going in.

00:25:21.000 When I leave my house every morning, I know this is possible.

00:25:24.000 And that's the messed up part because he has a gun.

00:25:26.000 He has the right to have a gun.

00:25:27.000 But if someone else in Houston had a gun, maybe they could have shot him.

00:25:30.000 Six-engine, randomly, just that whoever.

00:25:33.000 You need that in your life? 1.00

00:25:35.000 Now, I'm not a sharpshooter, but I could shoot him in the fucking leg. 1.00

00:25:39.000 I believe in shooting him in the leg if I have a great cover. 1.00

00:25:42.000 I'm not looking to shoot the fucking guy like the cops are going to... 1.00

00:25:44.000 I mean, you should have heard the tapes. 1.00

00:25:46.000 Yeah.

00:25:46.000 That's crazy.

00:25:48.000 And that's Texas, too, where everybody's armed.

00:25:51.000 But, you know, many people are not trained.

00:25:54.000 That's also a big part of the problem with firearms.

00:25:56.000 Listen, brother, let me tell you something.

00:25:58.000 You have no idea what happens to your body when you hear a gunshot ten feet from you.

00:26:03.000 Oh, yeah.

00:26:04.000 You have no idea. 0.99

00:26:05.000 I don't give a fuck what that was. 0.99

00:26:07.000 I fought Chuck Liddell. 0.99

00:26:08.000 I know.

00:26:09.000 I know. 0.98

00:26:10.000 I know he knocked the fuck out of you, but you've never heard a gunshot go off. 0.98

00:26:13.000 Much less a machine gun. 0.98

00:26:15.000 You've got to see people's faces.

00:26:16.000 Much less a machine gun.

00:26:17.000 You have to see people's faces.

00:26:19.000 And you hear that clip for real.

00:26:21.000 It ain't a movie.

00:26:22.000 This ain't no Duff Lundgren movie.

00:26:24.000 What's the other guy that played the mechanic?

00:26:26.000 It ain't one of these movies.

00:26:27.000 This is real, man.

00:26:28.000 Jason Statham?

00:26:29.000 You know, and it just shoots you. 0.97

00:26:31.000 It just kills you.

00:26:32.000 That's why people freeze.

00:26:33.000 They freeze, you go into shock.

00:26:34.000 People that are not used to that, they play bingo, and they take their family for ice cream. 1.00

00:26:38.000 They don't need that shit. 1.00

00:26:41.000 I'm petrified. 1.00

00:26:42.000 I live in fear as it is.

00:26:44.000 You know, I was listening to this TED podcast.

00:26:46.000 It was really interesting, man.

00:26:47.000 They were talking about camaraderie.

00:26:50.000 And they were talking about the people that go to war together.

00:26:52.000 And one of the things they all say is that their camaraderie and their love for each other is unlike any love or friendship that anybody else could ever possibly experience.

00:27:03.000 Because it's so intense.

00:27:04.000 Because it's like life or death every single day.

00:27:08.000 In that when the wars are over and they're back home, they're happy, they're safe, they're with their family and everything, but they look back and they go, the best time of my life was being at war.

00:27:18.000 Like, that's crazy.

00:27:21.000 What does that say about people?

00:27:23.000 And this is not a judgment.

00:27:25.000 I'm not a moral judgment.

00:27:26.000 What does that say about people?

00:27:27.000 What I'm saying is, what does that say about the way the brain works?

00:27:32.000 Like, how strange is it that people can get so excited about being Being in danger and the camaraderie that comes from being in danger, it like reawakens us almost, puts us in this like primal state that we used to exist in. 0.94

00:27:48.000 And now instead of that, worst case scenario, some guy fucking snaps and he's on the highway and he starts shooting at people.

00:27:54.000 That's kind of like worst case scenario that we all worry about. 0.97

00:27:57.000 But most people fucking keep it together, which is one of the most amazing things about being a person.

00:28:03.000 But the experience is flat. 0.98

00:28:06.000 There's not enough excitement.

00:28:08.000 There's not enough happening.

00:28:09.000 There's not enough stimulation.

00:28:10.000 There's not enough creativity.

00:28:12.000 So you live a different life.

00:28:14.000 You live a different life.

00:28:14.000 You guys are podcasting and doing stand-up shows.

00:28:17.000 So there's all this outpouring of creativity.

00:28:20.000 You have all this room for expression.

00:28:23.000 Some people, they just feel compressed. 0.98

00:28:26.000 They feel like they've got a board tied to their chest and to their back, and every day someone pulls the fucking strap on that board. 0.98

00:28:33.000 And that's every day. 1.00

00:28:34.000 And it's just boring as fuck. 0.99

00:28:36.000 And when they deploy, and they're over there, and yeah, they're going to miss their family. 0.99

00:28:41.000 Yeah, they're going to be risking their lives.

00:28:43.000 Yeah, all those things are 100% true.

00:28:45.000 But for them, that experience was the best time of their life.

00:28:49.000 That's amazing.

00:28:52.000 We're strange.

00:28:53.000 No, no, no.

00:28:54.000 Because you and I work in an office together.

00:28:57.000 You, me, Jamie, and Lee work in an office together.

00:29:00.000 We go in every Monday.

00:29:01.000 We talk about the UFC. And then an hour later, it's back to fucking stocks and bonds or whatever the fuck we're doing. 1.00

00:29:07.000 And then we go away on Friday. 0.99

00:29:09.000 And that's it.

00:29:11.000 The same works for the people I did crimes with early on.

00:29:15.000 I still talk to those people because I went through a weird experience with them.

00:29:19.000 Something that you don't do with most people. 0.97

00:29:22.000 Something that, and they accept me who I'm for, and I talk to this kid Timmy Holloway every fucking day. 0.95

00:29:29.000 At five in the morning we talk. 0.97

00:29:31.000 He was the getaway driver when I robbed the jewelry store.

00:29:34.000 I have a loyalty to him.

00:29:36.000 We were at a light and the cops came by and the trunk opened up with the gold chains. 0.98

00:29:40.000 We both shit our pants. 0.93

00:29:42.000 It's something about that. 0.98

00:29:44.000 I always had the respect for the camaraderie. 0.99

00:29:47.000 What gets you through those first six years of comedy when your life is shit? 1.00

00:29:51.000 What the fuck gets you through? 1.00

00:29:53.000 What gets you through? 1.00

00:29:54.000 We were just talking about it. 1.00

00:29:55.000 When I call you and I go, we're driving to Quincy tonight, motherfucker. 1.00

00:30:00.000 That waitress is there. 1.00

00:30:02.000 Oh, shit. 0.99

00:30:03.000 How much are you holding? 1.00

00:30:05.000 I got like 11 bucks, Joey. 1.00

00:30:06.000 I got like fucking nine, dog. 1.00

00:30:08.000 We get a steak, we'll buy a bag of weed. 1.00

00:30:10.000 How much fun?

00:30:12.000 You know, that's the best part of comedy.

00:30:14.000 It's hard to believe, right?

00:30:16.000 That's the best part of comedy. 0.99

00:30:17.000 I don't give a fuck when anybody tells you standing ovations, selling tickets. 0.98

00:30:21.000 The part of comedy you're gonna remember is when you're with Brody Stevens in a car with Josh Wolfe and I got Brody in the back tied up in the fucking back in the Volvo and I'm doing 100 with his car and he's yelling, stop it! 0.99

00:30:33.000 Normal people do not live like this! 0.98

00:30:35.000 Every time I see Brody, I give him a hug now because when I'm in that fucking box, On my mission to wherever the fuck Buddha land, that's what I'm going to be thinking about. 0.99

00:30:45.000 How good of a time did I have when I had three dollars in my pocket? 0.99

00:30:49.000 You ever read the Brother Sam book?

00:30:50.000 Brother Sam?

00:30:51.000 You know, about Sam.

00:30:53.000 Yes, I did.

00:30:54.000 Sam Kinison, his brother Bill wrote it, right? 1.00

00:30:56.000 The best part of that fucking story. 0.99

00:30:57.000 The best part of that whole story. 0.99

00:30:59.000 That every time I see Carl, I give him a hug because I can relate.

00:31:02.000 It's when they talked about how broke they were and they would walk to the comedy store to eat the fruit from the bar that the bartender would chop up.

00:31:11.000 Wow.

00:31:11.000 Who admits that?

00:31:13.000 Who admits that?

00:31:14.000 But you and I know that secret.

00:31:16.000 And it's the same thing, man.

00:31:19.000 Well, there's a thing that's happening, too, when you're going on those gigs where you don't know if this is going to be successful.

00:31:27.000 Not just a gig, but this as a career.

00:31:30.000 You're not like, I'm a comic. 1.00

00:31:32.000 Fuck it, I'm a comic. 1.00

00:31:33.000 You're like, am I pulling this off? 1.00

00:31:36.000 I got a gig now, and I'm trying.

00:31:38.000 I'm out here.

00:31:39.000 Me and Fitzsimmons would do these gigs, and we would both be like, barely should be talking to people on stage.

00:31:46.000 Barely.

00:31:47.000 I mean, we were rookies, man. 1.00

00:31:49.000 We were fucking rookies. 0.99

00:31:50.000 And in Boston, if you could string together 20 minutes, they had so many rooms. 0.99

00:31:54.000 Everybody was working.

00:31:55.000 It was crazy.

00:31:56.000 Were you able to have fun during that time?

00:31:59.000 Oh, yeah.

00:31:59.000 Fun.

00:32:01.000 Unbelievable.

00:32:02.000 So fun.

00:32:03.000 But I was terrified it wasn't going to work out.

00:32:06.000 Terrified that I was wasting my time.

00:32:08.000 I mean, because it was a big chance.

00:32:10.000 I quit everything.

00:32:12.000 You delivered papers or something like that?

00:32:13.000 Yeah, I kept delivering papers, but I quit teaching at Boston University, and I quit teaching classes.

00:32:21.000 I said I don't want to do it.

00:32:22.000 I said I don't want to half-ass it, and I'm not thinking about it the way I used to think about it.

00:32:26.000 When I was teaching before, It was life.

00:32:30.000 I was teaching life.

00:32:31.000 I was teaching people kicking and punching.

00:32:35.000 It was as important as life.

00:32:37.000 It was everything.

00:32:38.000 I was thinking constantly about techniques and movements and strategies and constantly.

00:32:43.000 So when I was teaching people, I wanted people to be as into it as I was.

00:32:47.000 And if they weren't, I really wasn't into it.

00:32:48.000 If they were, I had a bunch of students that I took up to a pretty good level.

00:32:55.000 Like, you know, below black belt, but pretty good level where they're getting really good and starting to win tournaments.

00:33:00.000 It was really exciting.

00:33:01.000 I was doing all this like from the time I was like 19 to 21. And so teaching and competing at the same time.

00:33:09.000 And when I first started doing comedy, I realized right away, I was like, I gotta quit.

00:33:15.000 I gotta quit everything.

00:33:16.000 I just gotta do this. 0.99

00:33:17.000 So it was such a fucking leap, man. 0.99

00:33:20.000 Every gig, I was terrified. 1.00

00:33:21.000 I was like, is this a stupid thing I'm doing? 1.00

00:33:24.000 Like, what am I, retarded? 1.00

00:33:25.000 Why the fuck do I think I'm funny? 0.99

00:33:26.000 Why do I think I can get people to pay me to talk? 0.96

00:33:29.000 And I'd see the guys that were doing it in town.

00:33:32.000 The guys that were making it.

00:33:36.000 Just out of reach. 1.00

00:33:38.000 And then you'd go and you'd do some gig in Maine and get heckled and eat dick. 1.00

00:33:43.000 Fucking bomb on stage. 1.00

00:33:45.000 And you'd go, oh my god, what else could I do? 1.00

00:33:48.000 If this doesn't work out, what else could I do?

00:33:50.000 Because there was nothing else you wanted to do.

00:33:52.000 No.

00:33:53.000 I would go home at night after a bombing and just cry.

00:33:56.000 And I'd circle.

00:33:57.000 They used to have Just for Laughs newspaper.

00:33:59.000 Yeah, I remember that.

00:34:01.000 And I would go to the back section and it had all the clubs, state by state, Alabama.

00:34:04.000 Yeah.

00:34:05.000 And I would circle the clubs.

00:34:06.000 I'm going to show them someday.

00:34:10.000 I'm going to show them.

00:34:12.000 I'm going to do that in Birmingham and I'm going to do the Seattle Underground.

00:34:16.000 And one day you're there and you're like, wow.

00:34:18.000 But it's so weird that there's so many things in life you could pay for.

00:34:22.000 You can't pay for love and you can't pay for camaraderie, man.

00:34:26.000 There's something about a camaraderie, a real camaraderie. 0.98

00:34:30.000 You know, like sometimes when you go to jiu-jitsu and this guy fucking his onion, he taps you. 0.91

00:34:33.000 At the end you get up and you hug him. 0.98

00:34:35.000 You go, man, that was great.

00:34:37.000 You sweat my face.

00:34:39.000 Jesus Christ, I could smell the cheeseburger from last night.

00:34:42.000 And that's camaraderie.

00:34:44.000 You can't pay for that.

00:34:45.000 But it's weird that, listen, if you're running with people every day and they got your back, I can't imagine that camaraderie.

00:34:51.000 That's real.

00:34:52.000 I'm not talking about what we're in a crew.

00:34:54.000 The camaraderie that we're talking about, this makes you understand that story about these guys that want to go back.

00:35:02.000 You know, like that movie Hurt Locker.

00:35:04.000 You know, but that was different because that guy was kind of addicted to disarming bombs, right?

00:35:08.000 The dude, the other one, the Clint Eastwood one, American Sniper.

00:35:11.000 He kept going back and she couldn't figure it out.

00:35:14.000 Why do you keep going? 1.00

00:35:15.000 What the fuck? 1.00

00:35:15.000 Because you won't shut the fuck up! 1.00

00:35:17.000 Because you won't shut the fuck up! 0.99

00:35:19.000 And this kid, I don't know what's going on. 1.00

00:35:21.000 Let me go over and at least kill people because then you feel... 0.98

00:35:24.000 Can you imagine Joe Rogan? 1.00

00:35:26.000 Like all your life, you got thrown out of school, you know, you're fucking, you're a power mechanic, you're lost, but all of a sudden you realize you're good at taking lives. 0.98

00:35:39.000 You ever think of that? 0.88

00:35:40.000 You ever put yourself in that position when you're 18 years old, 19 years old, you're in Vietnam, and you realize that you're taking your first tour back to the United States now.

00:35:51.000 You finished your year, but you survived.

00:35:53.000 The 11 that went over, there's six of them left, and you survived.

00:35:56.000 And in reality, in God's eyes, you got 18 kills.

00:35:59.000 Nobody knows that.

00:36:01.000 As like a 19-year-old.

00:36:03.000 Now you go back to civilization.

00:36:06.000 And you're going to get paid $10 an hour to change tires?

00:36:10.000 Why do you think?

00:36:11.000 For years I kept selling coke.

00:36:14.000 Because nothing really can compare to that.

00:36:17.000 Excitement.

00:36:18.000 Excitement.

00:36:19.000 This is the excitement of doing something you're not supposed to do. 1.00

00:36:21.000 I'm going to go sit with my wife and drink mint juleps with her fucking family. 1.00

00:36:25.000 I could be killing motherfuckers right now. 1.00

00:36:29.000 You know? 1.00

00:36:31.000 Not only that, you get a lot of love for doing that.

00:36:34.000 It's like you get love and respect from the people that you work with for doing your job correctly, for mailing up. 1.00

00:36:40.000 But they're not there when you're stabbing a motherfucker and your dick is getting hard and your heart's beating. 1.00

00:36:45.000 They're not there, brother. 1.00

00:36:47.000 It's like a shark when they get that taste of blood.

00:36:49.000 Those 18, why didn't they ship you over there?

00:36:51.000 Why didn't they want you when you were 18?

00:36:53.000 Go in your 31 and try to go in. 1.00

00:36:55.000 You already got beliefs and shit. 1.00

00:36:57.000 That's what I think. 1.00

00:36:58.000 Your central nervous system has already been set.

00:37:00.000 They can't get you to kill and forget.

00:37:02.000 But an 18-year-old, hurrah!

00:37:04.000 Siempre Free!

00:37:06.000 What's that the Marine say?

00:37:07.000 Siempre Fire! 0.92

00:37:08.000 Siempre Fire! 0.92

00:37:08.000 In Cuba, Siempre Free! 0.92

00:37:12.000 Siempre Free!

00:37:15.000 I thought about that.

00:37:17.000 Can you imagine coming back here 25 and now you got to work at a bakery?

00:37:21.000 Couldn't imagine.

00:37:22.000 Good luck!

00:37:22.000 1250 an hour and you get two weeks a year off.

00:37:25.000 Meanwhile, all you're dreaming about is fucking putting makeup on and a tree with ropes with a machine gun and a gun and knives. 0.96

00:37:35.000 How much work do you think they put into readjusting guys? 0.99

00:37:40.000 Re-acclimating them back into society after a war. 0.97

00:37:44.000 Let me tell you the problems we have.

00:37:45.000 We don't.

00:37:46.000 We can't do it effectively.

00:37:47.000 It's like a guy getting out of prison after 20 years.

00:37:51.000 We haven't figured out a way to do it effectively yet, that there's no mishaps.

00:37:56.000 There's always going to be a small percentage.

00:37:58.000 This guy in Houston yesterday did four tours.

00:38:01.000 How old was he, Jamie?

00:38:05.000 Four tours. 0.98

00:38:06.000 What the fuck are you going to do in the United States that's going to give you that tour? 0.99

00:38:10.000 Unless you go on stage. 0.99

00:38:12.000 Even that.

00:38:13.000 It's nothing in comparison. 0.97

00:38:15.000 You said earlier, like, how crazy our brains are.

00:38:18.000 It's crazy how different, like, when I was 18, it was 2007, like, I was graduating high school, so, like, Iraq and Afghanistan were blown away.

00:38:26.000 It was right at that time, and I had friends who went over, but my, like, what you are saying is exciting, I would run away from that.

00:38:34.000 There's no part of me wants that.

00:38:35.000 25 years old, four tours.

00:38:37.000 Oh, my God.

00:38:38.000 Yeah, well, you're a smart guy, Lee.

00:38:40.000 Yeah.

00:38:42.000 There's smart people there.

00:38:44.000 It's just people that are willing to do the stuff that's more dangerous because it feels better.

00:38:50.000 Because it feels like even though there's risk involved, at least you feel charged up and alive.

00:38:55.000 It's a life of excitement versus a life of...

00:39:00.000 You know, why do you think people climb rocks?

00:39:03.000 They climb rocks because it's actually enjoyable climbing a rock? 0.92

00:39:06.000 No, they climb a rock because it's fucking scary and you don't know if you can make it. 0.96

00:39:11.000 You're pretty sure you're gonna make it, but there's a real risk that you get a fucking hand spasm and you just fall for a long time until you splatter on the bottom. 0.98

00:39:23.000 When you watch someone crazy like Alex Honnold... 0.98

00:39:25.000 Right, the guy with no ropes?

00:39:27.000 Does it with no ropes.

00:39:28.000 We had him in the podcast.

00:39:30.000 He's a super nice guy.

00:39:31.000 Real interesting guy.

00:39:33.000 Lives out of a van.

00:39:34.000 Just travels around and climbs rocks.

00:39:36.000 He's an adrenaline junkie.

00:39:37.000 Okay, the climbing of the rock, it's like...

00:39:40.000 I mean, I guess it's kind of cool to be up high and it's sort of like a version of hiking for him because he can kind of make it.

00:39:47.000 But what's really going on is you recognize that you're on the edge always.

00:39:52.000 And so even if you're not, like your adrenaline's not flying, you're not freaking out, your heart's not pounding, your heightened focus and sense is keenly aware that you're holding back a waterfall.

00:40:04.000 Adrenaline you're keeping it together and so you're a lot of times guys that are doing like crazy shit like tightrope walking and stuff like that They're they're sort of addicted to trying to control What is this guy doing Jamie?

00:40:19.000 Is this parkour or something? 0.92

00:40:21.000 Oh my god Oh my god.

00:40:37.000 This guy did...

00:40:38.000 He jumped and then did a handstand on the edge.

00:40:41.000 He's still doing it.

00:40:41.000 Oh!

00:40:43.000 Oh my god.

00:40:44.000 Have you seen the videos of, like, the people on the hoverboards?

00:40:46.000 Hoverboarding on, like, the tops of buildings?

00:40:48.000 That might have freaked me out more than the hoverboard, because that guy was upside down.

00:40:52.000 And I watched my daughter do those things. 0.72

00:40:53.000 They don't always land perfect. 1.00

00:40:57.000 Fuck, man. 1.00

00:40:59.000 Jesus Christ. 1.00

00:41:01.000 What the fuck is going on in Russia? 1.00

00:41:02.000 What are they feeding these people? 1.00

00:41:03.000 Them radioactive pigs from Chernobyl? 0.92

00:41:05.000 Those ain't Russians. 0.99

00:41:07.000 It's Russians. 0.98

00:41:08.000 Oh, you heard Russian.

00:41:09.000 I heard Russian.

00:41:10.000 Didn't you hear Russian?

00:41:12.000 Russian sounds.

00:41:16.000 My hands are sweaty.

00:41:17.000 I'm assuming it was Russian.

00:41:18.000 Am I being racist?

00:41:19.000 It's not a race, though.

00:41:21.000 The only reason why Russian isn't a race is because they look like us. 0.96

00:41:26.000 Right?

00:41:26.000 I mean, they're totally not regular white people.

00:41:29.000 No.

00:41:31.000 What does it say?

00:41:32.000 Does it say it's Russian?

00:41:33.000 Yeah, it is Russia.

00:41:34.000 See?

00:41:34.000 Jesus Christ.

00:41:36.000 Just assumed.

00:41:37.000 I'm pretty sure I heard some Russian sounds, though.

00:41:40.000 Yeah, people are crazy with the juiced-up need for those things.

00:41:45.000 It's like, how do you feel?

00:41:48.000 Don't you feel sad when someone's a comic and then they quit?

00:41:52.000 And then you see them kind of hanging around a comedy club?

00:41:55.000 They come back and hang around.

00:41:56.000 I haven't done stand-up in 10 years.

00:41:58.000 You believe that?

00:41:58.000 I'm really happy now.

00:42:00.000 I don't have to deal with the bullshit no more. 0.99

00:42:02.000 My family's getting raised correctly. 1.00

00:42:05.000 Okay.

00:42:06.000 That's great. 0.99

00:42:07.000 That's fucking great. 0.99

00:42:10.000 I just... 0.98

00:42:12.000 Listen, man, you're going to do things in life that you don't like, and you recognize it, and you move on.

00:42:20.000 In LA, how many people have we met?

00:42:22.000 How many people are going to be stars?

00:42:23.000 How many people went to Montreal and had sitcoms?

00:42:26.000 A lot.

00:42:27.000 And all of a sudden, you don't see them no more.

00:42:29.000 You just don't see them.

00:42:30.000 And then one day, you go to a town, and you get a Facebook.

00:42:33.000 Hey! 0.99

00:42:35.000 I had to come back because my uncle died and I'm doing a podcast.

00:42:38.000 Can I do a guest spot?

00:42:40.000 And you're like, nope.

00:42:41.000 I don't know who you are.

00:42:44.000 I just don't know what's going on anymore.

00:42:46.000 The whole guest spot thing is a weird thing.

00:42:50.000 It's weird to ask people to come on a professional show.

00:42:53.000 If you're not a professional.

00:42:55.000 I get it.

00:42:56.000 That's how people get better.

00:42:57.000 They do guest spots.

00:42:58.000 But that should be something that somebody asks you for.

00:43:01.000 Would you like to do a guest spot?

00:43:04.000 Check you out on stage in front of 3,000 people.

00:43:08.000 But to ask to do that?

00:43:10.000 Because we all know some comics that are weird.

00:43:12.000 They'll show up at your shows and ask to do guest spots.

00:43:15.000 Oh my god, I didn't know you were here tonight.

00:43:17.000 Yeah.

00:43:17.000 I was just driving.

00:43:18.000 Really? 0.97

00:43:19.000 I'm in fucking Ontario off the thing and you didn't know I was here tonight. 0.97

00:43:23.000 You don't see my name out there? 0.97

00:43:24.000 I made a rule about two years ago.

00:43:27.000 I love comedians.

00:43:28.000 I know what it is to be a comic.

00:43:29.000 So I'll tell you what I do.

00:43:32.000 I know what it was like for me to feature and to need that $400 for rent.

00:43:36.000 And all of a sudden you get a call the week before that the headliner is bringing a feature.

00:43:40.000 I get it.

00:43:40.000 So I made a deal.

00:43:41.000 I won't bring a lot of features, but I'm not doing guest spots.

00:43:46.000 And the word gets out.

00:43:48.000 It's so crazy.

00:43:49.000 The word really gets out when you don't do guest spots.

00:43:52.000 People won't show up to your shows no more.

00:43:54.000 That's interesting.

00:43:55.000 Which I don't want.

00:43:56.000 Whereas before they were showing up and they're trying to get on.

00:43:58.000 Hey, how you doing?

00:43:58.000 They want to hang out in the green room.

00:44:00.000 And here's my philosophy on it.

00:44:02.000 If you're so funny, you wouldn't be here.

00:44:05.000 Go get on stage.

00:44:06.000 Well, you'd have gigs booked.

00:44:08.000 And, you know, people come to the green rooms and they want to hang out.

00:44:11.000 And that's great.

00:44:12.000 I love seeing my old friends and stuff, but I'm working right now.

00:44:15.000 And you're not working.

00:44:17.000 Well, not only that, you don't have to be on that show.

00:44:20.000 Here's the thing.

00:44:22.000 When I was a kid and I was starting out, I loved going to shows.

00:44:26.000 I still love going to shows.

00:44:27.000 I don't have to be on stage to enjoy a show. 0.87

00:44:30.000 So if I go to a show that I'm trying to get a guest spot on someone's show and I don't even know that person or barely know that person, that's fucking weird.

00:44:37.000 I never did that.

00:44:38.000 I don't know anybody who did that.

00:44:40.000 None of us did that.

00:44:41.000 You either got asked or you just kept working.

00:44:44.000 You kept doing shows that were at your level until you got better.

00:44:47.000 That's just what everybody does.

00:44:49.000 Like this guest spot thing, that is not how it works.

00:44:52.000 You can't just show up and get on in front of a couple thousand people.

00:44:56.000 I didn't have...

00:44:58.000 Two gigs to you the other night.

00:44:59.000 I lied to you, because I knew you were going to ask me to come into the Ice House.

00:45:03.000 But I know you're working on your house.

00:45:06.000 Yeah, but I don't care when I'm fine.

00:45:08.000 I don't want to disrupt nobody.

00:45:09.000 Oh, that's very kind of you.

00:45:10.000 You know, sometimes I go to the Ice House and there's 18 guys up before you.

00:45:15.000 And I go, this isn't right.

00:45:16.000 This poor guy did us all the justice. 0.99

00:45:20.000 And now motherfuckers are doing 20 in front of me. 0.98

00:45:22.000 And I go up there and do 8 and he gets mad at me because I know what it's like to feel. 1.00

00:45:26.000 When I get to the fucking club at 8, I'm ready to go. 0.98

00:45:29.000 Steam's coming out of my nose. 0.99

00:45:30.000 I gotta eat two stars to calm me down.

00:45:33.000 I already ate.

00:45:34.000 I worked out.

00:45:35.000 I'm fired up. 0.99

00:45:36.000 I gotta wait through three fucking comics now. 1.00

00:45:38.000 The last 15 minutes I'm pacing back there like a fucking animal. 1.00

00:45:42.000 You know, I just want to get up there and do my fucking thing, and now I gotta wait. 0.99

00:45:46.000 And it's not that. 0.99

00:45:47.000 It's just that some comedians come into a room to ruin the show. 1.00

00:45:51.000 Or I'm gonna blow this fucking place up. 1.00

00:45:53.000 And they really blow away. 0.99

00:45:54.000 When I get there on Thursday, you work with the other two guys, you get the niche, you see who you're already working with, and then some guy wants to come on Saturday.

00:46:01.000 Like, oh my god, I didn't know you were in town.

00:46:03.000 Can I do a guest?

00:46:04.000 It's not gonna happen.

00:46:05.000 Especially Saturday, because you got two shows. 0.99

00:46:07.000 Yeah, I got two shows, especially fucking Friday. 0.94

00:46:10.000 And it's like, my heart goes out to you as a comic. 0.88

00:46:13.000 I know what it is to be a struggling comic, but there's nothing going on here.

00:46:17.000 Well, who does let guys do guest sets?

00:46:20.000 Who does?

00:46:21.000 I don't know.

00:46:21.000 There's a lot of comedians.

00:46:23.000 National headliners let local guys do guest sets.

00:46:25.000 I don't know.

00:46:26.000 And don't you have to worry about putting on a good show?

00:46:29.000 Like, if you put on a guy who's terrible and they just ruin a show, these people paid a lot of money for a show.

00:46:34.000 Dude, I let someone have a guest spot once, and this was on a show with one of those Ice House type shows, like 10 people on.

00:46:43.000 And he bombed so bad that it tanked the rest of the night because people had to sit through ten minutes of like really clumsy shitty jokes like from someone who like barely does comedy you know I had to find out later and then afterwards like the audience had a lowered expectation whereas before I'd be like Ian Edwards,

00:47:03.000 Tony Hinchcliffe, Tom Segura, smash, smash, smash!

00:47:06.000 And everybody would be experiencing that all night.

00:47:08.000 Well, there was this 10-minute gap where it was just sludge. 0.53

00:47:12.000 Just like really shitty ideas and just not done well.

00:47:16.000 And the audience went, whoa.

00:47:17.000 Like you could see them get super bummed out.

00:47:21.000 Yeah, especially when you're on a good show like that.

00:47:23.000 I've been lucky enough to go the past few weeks to the store with Joey.

00:47:26.000 When it's really good shows, it's fun.

00:47:29.000 But when there's like, I went to a show once and there was a magician on stage and it just, I think of him because I know he hates it, but it's so weird how important it is to build a good show and to build shows like comics who go well together.

00:47:43.000 You can't just throw comedians up there and have a good show.

00:47:47.000 The problem is, like, people are friends with people that you know.

00:47:49.000 And then, you know, you know them, and they know you, and they, hey man, can I do one of those Icehouse shows?

00:47:55.000 Yeah, sure, come on down.

00:47:56.000 Do a set.

00:47:57.000 I'll see.

00:47:58.000 And then you just go, oh no, what has happened here? 1.00

00:48:01.000 Jesus fucking Christ. 0.99

00:48:03.000 And if you do that, like, this guy, like, had written jokes that day and was doing them that night. 1.00

00:48:09.000 He'd never done them before.

00:48:11.000 Like, tried to do, like, a whole...

00:48:12.000 It's a long-ass story.

00:48:14.000 But... 0.99

00:48:16.000 When that does happen, the audience feels like you fucked them. 0.96

00:48:20.000 You know, like, people always say, like, why would I take the best comedians on the road with me? 0.97

00:48:24.000 Like, dude, wouldn't you want to, like, stand out in front of the other comedians? 0.98

00:48:27.000 Oh, the audience feels like you fucked them then. 0.99

00:48:30.000 Like, you made up for the fact that you fucked them by being really funny for the last hour and ten minutes, but you know you fucked them for the first twenty minutes, if you... 0.99

00:48:38.000 Fill in the blank with the name of the comedians. 0.99

00:48:40.000 There's a bunch of crazy fucking comedians that will open for other national acts and they don't work anywhere else. 0.98

00:48:47.000 They work as opening acts for big time national acts who don't want to be shown up on stage. 0.99

00:48:55.000 They don't want someone going on before them and being really funny.

00:48:59.000 But isn't that the point of the opener, to warm them up?

00:49:02.000 Like, that's why they have studio warm-up people for TV shows, because they want them to have good energy and be excited.

00:49:08.000 Warm them up to a degree.

00:49:09.000 There's a lot of comics that want you to warm them up to a degree, that you really have to hold back a little bit because they're the star of the show. 1.00

00:49:18.000 They're so stupid. 1.00

00:49:19.000 We come from the school of thought. 1.00

00:49:21.000 We want everybody to be fucking great. 0.97

00:49:24.000 Because if the guy in front of me is fucking great, while I'm back there ticking and watching this, I'm going to come out throwing 92 miles an hour. 0.98

00:49:32.000 If the guy's in front of me is lackadaisical, it happened to me. 0.98

00:49:35.000 One time with you on the road, we left the Gepsep up. 0.99

00:49:39.000 The guy's energy was low.

00:49:40.000 He sucked me in with it. 0.76

00:49:42.000 I went up there and bombed because of him. 0.95

00:49:44.000 Because I didn't want to make him.

00:49:46.000 It was so bad.

00:49:47.000 I said, I'm not going to do material now.

00:49:50.000 I just go up there and talk.

00:49:51.000 There's a bad thing that does happen when you watch really bad comedy, like someone who's an amateur-level comedy.

00:49:57.000 Something weird happens where you get confused as to what's funny and what's not funny.

00:50:02.000 It's almost like a smoke screen, like one of them ink things that a squid shoots out.

00:50:07.000 Like you see someone on stage that's really new and really bad and just you got to get out of the room It's like like you can your mind can get locked into their way of thinking Because that's what I think is happening anyway on stage.

00:50:22.000 I think the reason why comedy is so funny is because you're thinking like that guy the guys taking you for a ride and When you let a bad comedian take you for a ride, you get stuck in what they're doing on stage.

00:50:37.000 Say if they're doing real obvious hack material, cop donut jokes, tampon, price check, that kind of stuff, and the audience is really laughing, you'll get confused.

00:50:50.000 You have to shut them out.

00:50:52.000 You've got to listen to some music.

00:50:54.000 You've got to go on stage fresh like they didn't exist.

00:50:57.000 You're better off not seeing them.

00:50:59.000 I don't want to see him no more.

00:51:01.000 I come out like Gladiator.

00:51:02.000 Yeah.

00:51:02.000 You have to come out of that cage like Gladiator.

00:51:04.000 I don't want to get caught up.

00:51:06.000 Like Friday, Saturday early show, I'll watch the other acts.

00:51:10.000 And I'll start getting into it. 0.99

00:51:11.000 But until then, I want to come out of the box like a fucking savage. 0.97

00:51:14.000 Right, but if you're working with people that you love, like if you were doing a show with Duncan and Ari, you'd probably watch a lot of their set. 0.98

00:51:19.000 Yeah, I would.

00:51:20.000 I would.

00:51:20.000 Yeah.

00:51:22.000 That's the cool thing about when we do the road together. 1.00

00:51:24.000 We watch each other's shit. 0.99

00:51:25.000 It's fun. 1.00

00:51:25.000 It's like I get to see a show and do a show. 1.00

00:51:28.000 You know?

00:51:29.000 It's fun.

00:51:30.000 I love going to the store, sitting in the back and laughing.

00:51:34.000 Me too.

00:51:34.000 That's one of my all-time favorite things.

00:51:37.000 To get down there a little early.

00:51:38.000 Like, you get spots at 1045. You get down there at 10...

00:51:42.000 And you watch a few guys and it really gets you in the swing of things.

00:51:47.000 It really does get you going, you know?

00:51:50.000 But I don't want to sit there all night either.

00:51:52.000 Well, that's the cool thing about the store.

00:51:54.000 There's always some shows going on some ways, three rooms. 0.99

00:51:57.000 You can move around, watch a bunch of different shit. 0.96

00:52:00.000 I think that's not to be taken lightly. 0.98

00:52:02.000 I think with anything.

00:52:04.000 I think if you were a knife maker, if you were really into making custom knives, you'd want to be around other dudes who make those things.

00:52:11.000 That's why they have those expos where people get together and they...

00:52:13.000 So what have you been up to, man?

00:52:15.000 What's going on here?

00:52:16.000 I made this new knife.

00:52:17.000 Man, this thing is stainless steel.

00:52:18.000 Look at that. 0.99

00:52:19.000 There's a dude who, Anthony Bourdain, did this thing when he's done these videos about people making shit. 0.98

00:52:26.000 This guy makes knives with metal from meteors. 0.97

00:52:32.000 Where does he get the meteors?

00:52:33.000 Meteors. 0.99

00:52:34.000 Like, they fucking land on Earth. 0.99

00:52:36.000 You can just buy them? 1.00

00:52:38.000 Yeah, you can buy them. 1.00

00:52:39.000 Fuck. 1.00

00:52:39.000 And they're super expensive. 1.00

00:52:40.000 So he's getting his iron from space.

00:52:43.000 Look at this guy.

00:52:45.000 Whoa. 1.00

00:52:46.000 Look at that fucking knife. 1.00

00:52:47.000 Come on, dude. 1.00

00:52:48.000 It's a Kramer knife.

00:52:50.000 This guy makes these things by hand. 0.99

00:52:52.000 See if you can find the video, because it's fucking crazy. 0.99

00:52:56.000 He's got like this hearth. 0.99

00:52:58.000 I guess that's what you call it, right?

00:53:00.000 What do you call it when you...

00:53:01.000 It's some sort of an oven where he's baking these knives, but with Bourdain...

00:53:05.000 Bourdain is like a...

00:53:06.000 He's a real lover of craftsmanship.

00:53:09.000 So this guy is making these things sort of in a similar way to the way Samurai's made them, where you have big plates of metal and you compress them and heat them up and smash them and get all the layers into one layer. 0.94

00:53:23.000 But it's all done with iron that he's getting from fucking meteorites.

00:53:27.000 Now what's the difference between the iron from the meteorites? 0.97

00:53:30.000 Just, it's cool.

00:53:32.000 You could say it's from space.

00:53:33.000 So it's not a strong iron or nothing like that?

00:53:36.000 It doesn't last underwater?

00:53:38.000 I think, as far as I know, I mean, there's ways to harden iron and steel.

00:53:43.000 Well, it survives coming through the atmosphere.

00:53:45.000 Yeah, we're talking about steel.

00:53:47.000 They're making steel.

00:53:48.000 But using the iron from space...

00:53:52.000 I don't think it has any benefit.

00:53:53.000 I think it's probably just really cool looking and awesome to say. 0.99

00:53:57.000 It's just fucking steel. 0.99

00:53:59.000 I mean, it is what it is. 1.00

00:54:00.000 You know, right?

00:54:01.000 Isn't that correct, Jamie?

00:54:02.000 Does that make sense?

00:54:02.000 Yeah, it's not like the Captain America shield that they got from...

00:54:07.000 Right.

00:54:07.000 Exactly.

00:54:08.000 So this dude, I think his name is Steve Kramer.

00:54:12.000 Bob Kramer, excuse me.

00:54:14.000 Bob Kramer.

00:54:15.000 And Bob Kramer throws this...

00:54:18.000 Giant chunk of metal and it's unbelievably hot oven and then he pulls it out and he puts it in this machine and hammers it and he's just talking about all the different methods of Hardening steel and adding carbon and all the things that they add during the process,

00:54:34.000 but it's crazy wild shit man either so he pulls out this Orange and white glowing thing and they it pounds it down and So he takes it and all those layers get smashed down into a thinner and thinner layer and it just keeps doing it over and over again until it becomes like a blade. 0.99

00:54:59.000 It's wild shit, man. 0.99

00:55:01.000 So when it's down to being a blade, that fucking thing is so compressed and smashed down. 1.00

00:55:09.000 Just really interesting shit. 0.99

00:55:10.000 So what is the name of the video if people want to watch it? 0.99

00:55:14.000 Rawcraft with Anthony Bourdain.

00:55:16.000 He's got a bunch of these he's done. 0.99

00:55:18.000 I don't know how the fuck that guy has so much time. 1.00

00:55:21.000 He does so much shit. 1.00

00:55:23.000 There's like a few of those guys where I feel lazy. 1.00

00:55:27.000 Dude does personal speaking gigs.

00:55:29.000 What are you eating over there, Joe Diaz?

00:55:30.000 Pralines?

00:55:31.000 Pumpkin seeds?

00:55:32.000 A little bit of nature bugs, Joe Diaz.

00:55:34.000 A little bit of nature bugs.

00:55:35.000 Never killed nobody. 1.00

00:55:36.000 This guy's making fucking swords. 0.99

00:55:39.000 I mean, Those guys want to be around each other. 1.00

00:55:42.000 If you're making knives like that, you're going to want to be around other people who make knives as well.

00:55:47.000 One of the things about places like the store is we can all meet each other and hang out.

00:55:52.000 The other night at the bar, Stan Hope, Ron White, me...

00:55:57.000 A bunch of us just hanging.

00:55:59.000 I'm like, where's there a place like this where we can meet? 0.99

00:56:01.000 Like a fucking saloon where fellow travelers can meet. 0.99

00:56:08.000 I gotta tell you something. 1.00

00:56:09.000 Run White is really taking to the store.

00:56:11.000 He has.

00:56:11.000 He's really taken to the store.

00:56:14.000 He's one of the guys now.

00:56:15.000 He gives you a quick hug.

00:56:17.000 He's got a drink in his hand. 0.98

00:56:19.000 He's happy as fuck up there. 0.98

00:56:21.000 He goes up there. 1.00

00:56:22.000 He murders the fucking room in a slow, methodical way. 1.00

00:56:26.000 But at first, he would just stay back there and go, what the fuck is this shit? 1.00

00:56:30.000 This ain't right in here. 1.00

00:56:32.000 And I watched him.

00:56:33.000 I've been watching him just become a guy at the store.

00:56:37.000 Yeah, he's always in the back bar.

00:56:38.000 He's always hanging out.

00:56:39.000 That's a beautiful thing.

00:56:40.000 Bro, he's always at a bar.

00:56:41.000 Yeah. 0.98

00:56:42.000 If there's a bar open, he's close by to it within walking fucking distance, okay? 0.99

00:56:46.000 That guy's the real fucking deal. 0.99

00:56:48.000 Yeah, no, he definitely is. 1.00

00:56:49.000 He shows up with his own bottle and ice cubes.

00:56:51.000 Well, he has his own brand.

00:56:52.000 Right. 1.00

00:56:52.000 He has his own fucking brand. 1.00

00:56:53.000 He has his own brand of tequila. 1.00

00:56:54.000 What is it called again? 1.00

00:56:57.000 Get fucked up. 1.00

00:56:59.000 Something... 1.00

00:56:59.000 That's what it's called. 1.00

00:57:00.000 Something Juan...

00:57:01.000 Something Juan? 0.99

00:57:03.000 What the fuck is it called? 0.99

00:57:04.000 Drink number one. 1.00

00:57:07.000 Number Juan?

00:57:08.000 Yeah, that's it.

00:57:09.000 Number Juan.

00:57:10.000 How racist. 0.87

00:57:11.000 Number Juan tequila.

00:57:13.000 Pa-pam! 1.00

00:57:14.000 It's good shit. 1.00

00:57:15.000 It is really good shit. 1.00

00:57:16.000 He had it, I mean, as far as that stuff goes, it all tastes like shit, really. 1.00

00:57:21.000 You know what I mean? 0.99

00:57:22.000 Let's be real. 1.00

00:57:22.000 Even the best tasting tequila tastes like shit. 1.00

00:57:26.000 The best tasting ever. 1.00

00:57:27.000 All that alcohol.

00:57:27.000 I never get it.

00:57:28.000 People, I sit there.

00:57:30.000 Wine, I started to like wine.

00:57:32.000 I could drink a glass of wine.

00:57:34.000 You know, it's still alcohol.

00:57:35.000 I still like Jack Daniels shots. 0.97

00:57:37.000 It still bothers the shit out of me. 1.00

00:57:38.000 Tastes like shit, and I love it. 1.00

00:57:41.000 You know, you're talking about that. 1.00

00:57:43.000 I still remember I was a little boy in New York City when Muhammad Ali fought Joe Frazier.

00:57:49.000 Like, I lived on 88th Street.

00:57:51.000 Like, I still remember how big that event was.

00:57:54.000 Like, if you ask me about events in New York City, one is Muhammad Ali, Joe Frazier. 0.99

00:57:59.000 Two, in the early 70s, when Melton John came to New York City, he fucked that city up, dog. 0.96

00:58:04.000 Captain Fantastic and Goodbye Yellow Brick Row. 0.98

00:58:07.000 When I was a kid, he fucked up traffic. 0.94

00:58:09.000 Michael Jackson. 0.99

00:58:12.000 Fucked up traffic in 84. You know, a couple nights at the Garden.

00:58:18.000 But Muhammad Ali, Joe Frazier, when I was a kid, was fucking huge. 0.96

00:58:23.000 It was huge. 0.98

00:58:25.000 I remember crying.

00:58:26.000 I wanted to watch it. 0.99

00:58:27.000 I tried to get a blowjob from my babysitter. 1.00

00:58:29.000 I was a kid. 0.99

00:58:30.000 She was a Puerto Rican chick named Tita. 1.00

00:58:32.000 And I kept asking her about blowjobs. 1.00

00:58:34.000 She goes, I'll give you a blowjob. 1.00

00:58:35.000 So I gave her a bag filled with quarters that I had. 1.00

00:58:38.000 And she came into the room and I took a shower.

00:58:41.000 I combed my hair.

00:58:42.000 I put cologne on. 0.99

00:58:44.000 And she came into the room and blew on my stomach and said, that's a blowjob. 1.00

00:58:47.000 And took my $20. 1.00

00:58:49.000 I almost fucking killed the dog. 0.99

00:58:51.000 I cried myself to sleep. 0.99

00:58:53.000 That morning, my mom, I woke her up and I go, I gotta talk to you.

00:58:57.000 My mom's like, what is it in broken English on my teeter stole my $20? 1.00

00:59:01.000 She said she's gonna suck my dick and she didn't. 1.00

00:59:03.000 My mom's like, what are you talking about? 1.00

00:59:06.000 What the fuck are you talking about? 0.99

00:59:08.000 You're like six or seven. 1.00

00:59:09.000 What are you talking about? 0.81

00:59:10.000 I said, I wanted to blow a job.

00:59:12.000 I gave her $20, and then she took my $20. 1.00

00:59:14.000 I'm gonna fucking kill her, Ma. 1.00

00:59:16.000 And my mom was like, are you fucking crazy? 1.00

00:59:18.000 Why would she suck your dick for $20? 1.00

00:59:20.000 She can get 50 out of the bar. 1.00

00:59:22.000 Why would she suck your little helmet dick for $20 and shit? 1.00

00:59:25.000 You were how old? 1.00

00:59:26.000 Six, seven.

00:59:27.000 How old was she? 0.89

00:59:29.000 32. When did Muhammad Ali fight Joe Frazier the first time?

00:59:34.000 71, maybe, right?

00:59:35.000 71. I was probably eight.

00:59:39.000 I was a little kid, man.

00:59:40.000 She stole your money. 1.00

00:59:42.000 Oh, my mom had to give me back the 20. I made my mom give it back to me.

00:59:46.000 Your mom gave it to you?

00:59:47.000 Yeah, my mom said, what would it take to make this problem disappear?

00:59:50.000 So she gave you 20 just to shut you up?

00:59:51.000 Yeah, because she knew I would hit Tita in her sleep. 1.00

00:59:54.000 I would kill her in her sleep. 1.00

00:59:54.000 She was sleeping on the couch. 1.00

00:59:56.000 The babysitter fell asleep on the couch.

00:59:57.000 Oh, my God. 1.00

00:59:58.000 You give me the $20, or I'm going to fucking kill her right there in her sleep. 1.00

01:00:02.000 Shit. 1.00

01:00:02.000 My mom's like, are you fucking crazy? 1.00

01:00:04.000 I'll give you the 20. Just leave Tita alone. 1.00

01:00:07.000 I didn't talk to Tita for a year, dog.

01:00:09.000 You should never talk to her again.

01:00:11.000 When was it?

01:00:12.000 71?

01:00:12.000 Yeah.

01:00:13.000 71. I was eight.

01:00:14.000 She's ripping off little kids. 1.00

01:00:16.000 She was great, though, Tita.

01:00:17.000 I had great babysitters growing up.

01:00:19.000 I didn't like my mom going out at night. 0.99

01:00:21.000 My mom had the bar, so I would spend the whole day with my mom, and then at night she'd have to go to the fucking bar. 1.00

01:00:26.000 And it would drive me crazy, Joe. 0.99

01:00:28.000 I want to go to the bar.

01:00:29.000 Right.

01:00:30.000 You can't go to the bar.

01:00:30.000 You go to school.

01:00:32.000 I don't give a fuck. 1.00

01:00:33.000 Let me come protect you. 0.99

01:00:35.000 Bars are weird. 0.98

01:00:36.000 I would fucking wait for her to get to Jersey, and then I'd cause a war in the house. 1.00

01:00:41.000 And she'd have to get back in the car and come over to 88th Street, fuck me up, put me to sleep, get in bed with me and lay down, and then she would go back to the bar and fucking close it. 1.00

01:00:52.000 I'd put it through hell, man. 1.00

01:00:54.000 Hell.

01:00:56.000 And then when we moved in Jersey, I would call her up.

01:00:58.000 I was scared at night because I thought the house was haunted.

01:01:01.000 So I would call her up at night.

01:01:03.000 You're going to get down here? 1.00

01:01:04.000 I'd be crying and shit. 0.99

01:01:05.000 Finally, she goes, just take a cab to your friend's house, sleep over there. 0.99

01:01:07.000 There was a year I didn't sleep at my house, you know.

01:01:10.000 Really?

01:01:10.000 Like a year.

01:01:11.000 When I was in seventh grade, I didn't sleep at my house.

01:01:14.000 Never.

01:01:14.000 I would go there after school, get clothes, and go to my friend's house and sleep there and live there.

01:01:19.000 I was scared of fucking ghosts and shit. 1.00

01:01:22.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:01:23.000 My grandparents insisted their house was haunted.

01:01:26.000 They had a guy during the 50s who rented a room upstairs.

01:01:31.000 So a local guy was a bachelor and he just rented a room because people did that back then.

01:01:37.000 They were poor.

01:01:39.000 And that guy died.

01:01:40.000 I think he died while he was at the house.

01:01:42.000 I don't remember. 1.00

01:01:43.000 But they insisted that the fucking guy was still walking around. 0.99

01:01:47.000 They'd hear him walk around. 0.99

01:01:49.000 I lived there for months when I first moved.

01:01:51.000 Never heard nothing. 0.96

01:01:51.000 Never heard shit. 0.96

01:01:52.000 And I realized, you know what a lot of that is? 0.99

01:01:56.000 People just get bored.

01:01:58.000 They want there to be a ghost.

01:01:59.000 They want something crazy to be going on.

01:02:01.000 They're bored.

01:02:02.000 They don't have any excitement.

01:02:03.000 And so the only excitement is being in that room in the dark and having feelings about something that's not even real.

01:02:10.000 You're like, I feel something.

01:02:12.000 I feel a presence.

01:02:13.000 I feel a presence.

01:02:16.000 There's something in this room.

01:02:17.000 There's something in this room! 1.00

01:02:18.000 We gotta get the fuck out of this room. 0.99

01:02:20.000 Meanwhile, nothing happened. 0.99

01:02:21.000 Just you're in the dark.

01:02:22.000 You're in the dark in an old house. 1.00

01:02:24.000 But you're bored as fuck. 1.00

01:02:25.000 That's what it is. 1.00

01:02:27.000 I don't know, Joe.

01:02:28.000 I don't know, dog. 1.00

01:02:29.000 I live in a haunted fucking house. 1.00

01:02:31.000 When? 1.00

01:02:33.000 My mother bought this house in North Bergen, New Jersey.

01:02:36.000 I'm given that terrace.

01:02:37.000 Given that terrace was originally the given that...

01:02:40.000 What's when kids die?

01:02:43.000 When parents die.

01:02:44.000 Orphanage.

01:02:45.000 It was an orphanage.

01:02:46.000 The orphanage set fire in the 40s.

01:02:50.000 So they took Charles Corton, given that terrace, and built it over this orphanage. 1.00

01:02:55.000 There was an article about it on Facebook about six months ago about the whole giving that terrorist fucking spooky shit. 1.00

01:03:02.000 So in that house my mother bought... 0.99

01:03:04.000 The reason why my mom got in that with the alias was because we came in with heavy cash and the guy killed himself in the garage. 1.00

01:03:13.000 Alright, the guy hung himself in the fucking garage in the 60s, so his kids were selling the fucking house. 0.99

01:03:18.000 We didn't know about this. 1.00

01:03:20.000 I never knew about this until years later.

01:03:22.000 Once we moved in, remember in the beginning I was going to Catholic school, so I only slept there on the weekends.

01:03:27.000 Once I moved in full time, like in the 6th and 7th grade, was when I would hear the ghosts at night.

01:03:32.000 What'd you hear? 1.00

01:03:33.000 I would hear them coming up the fucking stairs and shit, and I would cry and yell. 1.00

01:03:37.000 Right. 1.00

01:03:37.000 So they sent me to the Santeria lady's house, and she told me to put a glass of water under my bed with a red towel on the top. 1.00

01:03:44.000 And I would sleep better, but I would still hear fucking noises at night. 0.99

01:03:47.000 I was fucking, and that's all that spooky shit. 0.99

01:03:49.000 Now, do you remember when we did Tom Likas years ago when my friend called? 0.99

01:03:54.000 Mm-hmm.

01:03:54.000 Girl, Joey, how are you?

01:03:55.000 Coco, okay.

01:03:56.000 Right.

01:03:57.000 Her brother died on that block.

01:04:01.000 When he was 16, 15, he died on that block.

01:04:04.000 They're Sicilians. 0.99

01:04:05.000 And if you think Cuban people are creepy with their Santeria and shit, nobody's creepier than old-school Sicilians. 1.00

01:04:12.000 I mean, she broke it down. 0.99

01:04:13.000 She kept telling me, I told my husband, Sicilians don't live on dead-end streets because they're bad luck.

01:04:20.000 Like, when I see them now, they still fly out here, the specials.

01:04:24.000 Dead End Streets are bad luck?

01:04:26.000 Oh, yeah.

01:04:26.000 The Sicilians?

01:04:27.000 I mean, she's an old-school Sicilian that she took the fish, the eyes from fishes, to help people see better. 0.98

01:04:35.000 You ever see the movie Sleepers?

01:04:38.000 You ever see the movie Sleepers?

01:04:39.000 Which movie is that?

01:04:40.000 Movie Sleepers about the four kids.

01:04:41.000 That one with heads explode?

01:04:42.000 No.

01:04:43.000 No, that's scanners. 1.00

01:04:44.000 Fucking heads explode. 1.00

01:04:45.000 This is about the four kids who rob a hot dog man and by mistake a guy dies and they send him to a jail. 1.00

01:04:51.000 Who's in it?

01:04:52.000 Uh...

01:04:54.000 Look, all-star cast.

01:04:56.000 Brad Pitt.

01:04:57.000 De Niro was the priest.

01:04:59.000 I do believe I saw that.

01:05:00.000 The book is a lot better.

01:05:01.000 The movie sucked because they put too many stars in the movie. 1.00

01:05:04.000 Too many fucking stars. 1.00

01:05:04.000 But it's about four fucking kids that get sent to an orphanage and they get beat up or whatever the fuck it is. 1.00

01:05:09.000 But before that, they go to work for a mob boss. 1.00

01:05:12.000 If you've ever watched any mafia movie...

01:05:15.000 Every Mafia movie blows the characters.

01:05:18.000 The only mobster that was ever any good in any Italian movie besides Marlon Brando was the guy that played the mobster in this movie.

01:05:26.000 See if you can fly asleep as King Benny. 1.00

01:05:28.000 King Benny was a bad motherfucker. 0.99

01:05:31.000 He was an Italian actor that they recruited to come over. 1.00

01:05:34.000 You got to even speak that good of English.

01:05:36.000 Wait till you see the King Benny.

01:05:37.000 But King Benny's explained to him that he takes the eyeballs to this lady for headaches. 1.00

01:05:42.000 When I was a kid, look at King Benny. 1.00

01:05:45.000 King Benny is a bad motherfucker. 1.00

01:05:49.000 There's a part where King Benny has to go deal with fucking brothers in Harlem. 1.00

01:05:57.000 And the guy says to him, man. 1.00

01:05:59.000 But you said this movie sucks. 0.96

01:06:00.000 The movie's a five. 0.98

01:06:02.000 But him, you know who's in this movie?

01:06:05.000 Your chubby buddy.

01:06:06.000 The guy you did softball with.

01:06:08.000 Mike Starr?

01:06:09.000 No.

01:06:09.000 The Spanish kid.

01:06:11.000 That you did that series with.

01:06:13.000 He was a Spanish kid.

01:06:14.000 Louis Lombardi?

01:06:15.000 No.

01:06:15.000 He was an Italian.

01:06:16.000 Puerto Rican kid.

01:06:17.000 Oh, I know who you're talking about.

01:06:18.000 The kid that he went on.

01:06:20.000 He was in Lost.

01:06:21.000 See if they have a scene from that.

01:06:22.000 He was in Lost.

01:06:23.000 No.

01:06:24.000 No?

01:06:24.000 No.

01:06:24.000 The kid, the Spanish kid, he plays Fat Mancho.

01:06:29.000 See if they have the scene from Sleepers with the black guy.

01:06:31.000 When the black guy says to him... 1.00

01:06:33.000 See if they have the scene from a movie that sucks? 1.00

01:06:35.000 No, no, no. 1.00

01:06:36.000 He says to him, dog, look at you.

01:06:39.000 You bring style to the game.

01:06:41.000 The Italian guy goes, I cannot help you. 1.00

01:06:43.000 My tailor is dead. 1.00

01:06:45.000 I mean, this guy's got lines in this fucking movie. 1.00

01:06:48.000 And they never talk. 1.00

01:06:49.000 He died years later. 1.00

01:06:50.000 They were saying, who the fuck is this guy? 1.00

01:06:52.000 The guy is just a monster. 1.00

01:06:54.000 My point is, it's not about fucking sleepers or the fucking guy. 1.00

01:06:59.000 What's the point? 0.99

01:07:01.000 I have no idea.

01:07:01.000 I'm too stoned.

01:07:02.000 Jesus Christ!

01:07:04.000 I'm like, I wonder how he's going to wrap this up. 1.00

01:07:06.000 We're talking about four kids and shit. 0.99

01:07:11.000 Sicilians. 1.00

01:07:12.000 Oh, the Sicilians.

01:07:12.000 Well, we're talking about bad luck blocks, dead ends.

01:07:15.000 They just have spooky beliefs.

01:07:17.000 So they came to me years later.

01:07:19.000 And we're telling me all about this block, how many people had bad luck on that block after that.

01:07:25.000 Like the Maloney's died from cancer, both of them, you know, the parents, the O'Rourke's died from cancer, the girl across the street died in a car accident, Raul, I just robbed him. 0.98

01:07:36.000 Raul and his family, I just took a stereo and I wouldn't let him in my fucking bedroom for years. 0.96

01:07:41.000 How do you rob somebody's house and I hung out with the kid? 0.99

01:07:43.000 Because years later we became friends.

01:07:45.000 While they were moving in I robbed Raul and his family.

01:07:48.000 And I took the stereo. 1.00

01:07:49.000 Some kid took the fucking desk. 1.00

01:07:51.000 It was amazing. 1.00

01:07:52.000 Do you talk to him anymore?

01:07:53.000 Raul?

01:07:54.000 No, no. 0.99

01:07:54.000 Raul ended up fucking moving to the Bronx in the 8th grade overnight. 0.99

01:07:57.000 They left. 0.99

01:07:58.000 They owed money on the rent.

01:08:00.000 But he would come to my house and go, can't we go to your room and listen to the stereo?

01:08:03.000 That's not a good idea.

01:08:10.000 Hilarious.

01:08:12.000 Terrible. 0.99

01:08:13.000 Do you ever look back on your past and go, how the fuck did I become an upstanding citizen? 0.99

01:08:17.000 How did I become a regular person? 0.94

01:08:19.000 Last night I was telling Lee stories that I was shaking.

01:08:23.000 Well, I remember when I first met you, you were always a great guy, but you were way more dangerous. 0.51

01:08:29.000 You were a dangerous person. 1.00

01:08:31.000 You could do some ridiculous shit. 1.00

01:08:35.000 You were very volatile. 1.00

01:08:36.000 There's a part of me that's a very, very nice, law-abiding person.

01:08:41.000 There really is.

01:08:42.000 There's a part of me that's always wanted to try to be a nice person.

01:08:45.000 But there's a part of me that does not comprehend a part of human behavior.

01:08:50.000 Because it would not be allowed how I was raised, by no means at all.

01:08:55.000 What do you mean? 1.00

01:08:56.000 Just stupid human behavior that I see every day now. 1.00

01:08:59.000 It would not be acceptable in how I was raised or how the people I grew up were. 1.00

01:09:04.000 So when I look at that behavior, my head explodes.

01:09:07.000 I really can't handle it.

01:09:09.000 And I didn't...

01:09:10.000 I got a beating when I was 19. That was such a great beating.

01:09:14.000 It was worse than the one that Bernard Hopkins put on Felix Trinidad.

01:09:18.000 And that's the day I made my decision.

01:09:20.000 My hand-to-hand combat days are over. 1.00

01:09:22.000 Like, I don't need this shit in my world. 1.00

01:09:25.000 If you come into my world and you're disrespectful, I'm going to hit you with a weapon. 1.00

01:09:28.000 I'm going to hit you with a chair or a bottle. 1.00

01:09:30.000 I threw a lot of bottles at the store door, a couple glasses. 1.00

01:09:33.000 You definitely threw some shit at the store. 1.00

01:09:34.000 I don't fuck around with people because I don't like people fucking with me. 1.00

01:09:38.000 I'm really sensitive. 0.99

01:09:39.000 I don't know how to handle it.

01:09:40.000 But see, I think it's one of the things we were talking about when we were talking about...

01:09:46.000 People who go to war and how they get addicted to that feeling.

01:09:51.000 And then it's almost like that becomes their world, right?

01:09:56.000 Well, I almost feel like with some people, they become real addicted to bad situations.

01:10:06.000 You get addicted to drama in your life.

01:10:10.000 You don't know how to handle life If there's no drama in your life.

01:10:14.000 There was times I would rob Joe Rogan knowing that Joe Rogan knew I was going to rob him.

01:10:20.000 And my state of mind was, now what?

01:10:22.000 Now what?

01:10:24.000 Now what?

01:10:25.000 How are you going to get this back?

01:10:27.000 Because I didn't know how to live without the swirl of danger.

01:10:32.000 You know, let's be honest.

01:10:33.000 The last 10 years I did blow were not because of an addiction.

01:10:36.000 The last 10 years I did blow because I was addicted to that state of mind.

01:10:41.000 We're always, you were always in need of something.

01:10:44.000 The thrill was going to get the coke and driving home with the coke in the car.

01:10:49.000 Yeah, that's something that you, when you told me that, it was the first time anybody had ever articulated it that way.

01:10:54.000 Like, what you were addicted to was not even necessarily the drug, it's the whole thing, the driving and the danger of the police.

01:11:03.000 Going to the guy's place to buy it, the cop.

01:11:06.000 Everything.

01:11:06.000 I would look at myself after snorting at 2, 3 in the morning and see this person I didn't even recognize in the mirror.

01:11:12.000 I wouldn't even want to look at him because I was so ashamed that I let that position take over my mind. 0.99

01:11:18.000 It wasn't the fact of the coke or the whatever or the getting my dick sucked or the doing dirty things. 0.99

01:11:24.000 It was the fact of getting it and driving and fronting it and all the scamming that went with it. 0.98

01:11:31.000 And somebody told me when I got locked up, they said, you think of all the time you put into scams.

01:11:36.000 Think of it, you put that time into doing something on a positive level.

01:11:41.000 There's no surprise that my life has changed as much as I did without the drugs, because 60% of your mental state was always in those drugs.

01:11:50.000 The other 40 was in comedy.

01:11:52.000 The other 37 was in comedy. 0.99

01:11:54.000 And the other 3 was in God knows what the fuck it was. 0.99

01:11:57.000 But 60% of your day is dominated by that addiction or whatever drives you. 0.98

01:12:02.000 And with some people, they've described it as like the addiction and having that addiction was almost like a built-in excuse to not live up to their full potential in anything they're trying to do.

01:12:13.000 Absolutely.

01:12:14.000 Well, for starters, it's not...

01:12:19.000 The personal blame.

01:12:20.000 You want that just in case if you fail. 1.00

01:12:23.000 You always have a fucking excuse. 1.00

01:12:25.000 What did you expect? 1.00

01:12:26.000 I was having those problems those years.

01:12:28.000 You didn't have a problem. 0.99

01:12:29.000 Having a problem is when you get fucking shingles or your family member has cancer. 0.99

01:12:36.000 That's a problem that happens in life. 1.00

01:12:38.000 The coke and all that shit is your own man-made dilemma. 0.99

01:12:42.000 Are you with me? 1.00

01:12:43.000 Like, these are the things you create.

01:12:44.000 All these things you create.

01:12:46.000 You know, I think about that last year I did blow.

01:12:49.000 I was ready to call 60 Minutes.

01:12:51.000 Like, I think of this state of mind right now.

01:12:54.000 Like, I had already a pitch for 60 Minutes to explain to them that I had found a cure for cocaine.

01:13:00.000 That if you do heroin on Mondays, just a little bit, you will not snort the rest of the week.

01:13:07.000 Like, I was really going to pitch 60 Minutes.

01:13:08.000 I was going to get an agent and go to CBS and go listen.

01:13:11.000 I got a groundbreaking idea.

01:13:13.000 There's no reason for rehab. 1.00

01:13:15.000 We'll get that white powder you motherfuckers are going to war for. 1.00

01:13:34.000 Why only Monday? 1.00

01:13:36.000 I don't know.

01:13:37.000 I don't know. 0.99

01:13:38.000 I have no fucking idea. 0.95

01:13:40.000 You gotta start the week off right. 0.99

01:13:42.000 And this is snorting it.

01:13:44.000 Yeah, snorting it.

01:13:45.000 Two little lines of heroin just to get me out.

01:13:47.000 And what does it do?

01:13:48.000 What's the feeling?

01:13:50.000 Tell me what it feels like when it hits you.

01:13:53.000 Well, it takes a couple minutes to hit you, and you feel this weird thing, and then you feel like your blood pressure going up.

01:13:59.000 And you feel like this euphoric warmth. 0.99

01:14:02.000 You feel like this fucking warmth. 0.99

01:14:04.000 I felt like my body... 1.00

01:14:06.000 You ever take a wet shit? 1.00

01:14:08.000 It's warm, and you can see if you shit outside, steam's gonna come out of it. 1.00

01:14:12.000 Right. 0.99

01:14:12.000 That's what your body feels like, that warmth. 0.99

01:14:15.000 And then I would get an urge to puke.

01:14:18.000 For a couple minutes I would gag and puke, a little bit would come out of yellow. 0.99

01:14:21.000 And then after I puked a little bit, I would just go into this state of fucking momo-ness for four hours. 0.99

01:14:28.000 It was like smoking Indica's all day. 1.00

01:14:30.000 Momo-ness.

01:14:31.000 Like just sitting there smoking cigarettes, looking out a window.

01:14:35.000 And I'd make believe I was writing John Lennon type lyrics to jokes.

01:14:40.000 Until I looked at them the next day, this brilliance about a refrigerator.

01:14:44.000 Like I remember writing a bit about a refrigerator once.

01:14:47.000 And looking at it the next day and saying, thank God.

01:14:50.000 Thank God I never tried.

01:14:52.000 You know what I'm saying?

01:14:52.000 Like little things, like just...

01:14:54.000 Well, that was Hedberg's drug of choice.

01:14:56.000 And his jokes...

01:14:59.000 Man, I mean, I think he's probably the best non-sequitur joke guy ever.

01:15:05.000 Because all his jokes are unrelated.

01:15:08.000 It's like, here's a non-sequitur.

01:15:09.000 Here's some other things I was thinking about.

01:15:11.000 Here's something I thought.

01:15:13.000 Here's something I saw.

01:15:14.000 And it was, like, I was listening to it the other day.

01:15:17.000 It's like, half of his jokes were only funny because he was saying them.

01:15:23.000 But they were hilarious.

01:15:25.000 He had a way of doing it that was kind of like heroin comedy.

01:15:31.000 Would he be messed up during the week?

01:15:33.000 Or no?

01:15:34.000 Who?

01:15:35.000 You.

01:15:37.000 It'd take me a day to recover on Tuesdays.

01:15:39.000 I'd be out.

01:15:40.000 I didn't say nothing to nobody.

01:15:41.000 I was doing the heroin.

01:15:43.000 And I wasn't doing coke. 0.98

01:15:45.000 So I was really fucking happy. 0.88

01:15:47.000 And so you would be like sober Thursday, Friday, Saturday. 0.94

01:15:49.000 Yeah.

01:15:50.000 And then you'd look forward to the big bump on Monday.

01:15:52.000 Yeah, that kid's dead.

01:15:53.000 He used to send it to me.

01:15:54.000 He used to send me $7 bags.

01:15:56.000 What kid?

01:15:57.000 His name was Bonehead.

01:15:59.000 He died from an OD. How weird.

01:16:01.000 Yeah.

01:16:02.000 Yeah.

01:16:04.000 Figured that guy was gonna live forever.

01:16:06.000 Bonehead?

01:16:06.000 I knew Bonehead from the time.

01:16:08.000 Rest in peace.

01:16:09.000 You lost Bonehead, bro.

01:16:10.000 Let me tell you something about Bonehead.

01:16:11.000 Bonehead was like your boy.

01:16:13.000 He was... 1.00

01:16:14.000 I could go into a room with 90 motherfuckers and Bonehead would lick a day, ten of them. 1.00

01:16:19.000 Bonehead was a bad motherfucker, dog. 1.00

01:16:21.000 I loved Bonehead. 1.00

01:16:21.000 Bonehead had three brothers. 1.00

01:16:22.000 I loved all of them.

01:16:24.000 But Bonehead was...

01:16:25.000 Two of the brothers were very successful.

01:16:27.000 Believe it or not, Bonehead was successful.

01:16:30.000 As a plumber, he had his own company.

01:16:32.000 He only went crazy at night, Bonehead.

01:16:35.000 Bonehead, when I was 17, would take me to McSally's Ale House in New York City.

01:16:39.000 No ID. He called the bartender, I would give him three mugs of beer, give him three mugs of beer, and give him a bowl of chili.

01:16:47.000 A mughead would take ten bucks from the both of us, and he'd go to Washington Square Park, and he'd come back and he'd give me eight valiums.

01:16:55.000 And by the meantime, he would go buy his heroin, and he'd buy these mixture of pills, and he'd melt them too, the black and whites.

01:17:02.000 Then he'd take us to a strip club in New Jersey or something, and then he'd take us home. 0.99

01:17:06.000 And the next day, 7 in the morning, this strip had this bonehead in the fucking plumbing van up and dandy. 1.00

01:17:15.000 He was a functioning addict. 1.00

01:17:16.000 He wasn't like your regular.

01:17:17.000 There's a lot of those guys out there.

01:17:19.000 And he had a chick that was a 13. Really?

01:17:26.000 She was half Asian, half Irish.

01:17:30.000 Good Lord. 0.99

01:17:31.000 And they used to do heroin together, and they'd pass out in the living room and they'd fuck, and they'd both go to sleep. 0.97

01:17:36.000 And then I'd be in the bedroom, because I just moved in with Bonehead's family. 0.97

01:17:41.000 Okay, they were Italian, bro. 1.00

01:17:43.000 They were real fucking Italians. 1.00

01:17:44.000 And I, the mother used to, the mother was the first person who ever made me an egg cream. 1.00

01:17:48.000 She was a little Irish chick, and she used to say the word Earl. 1.00

01:17:52.000 She couldn't say oil, and she was the bookkeeper for Union 52, whatever, the Teamsters, the Laborers Union.

01:18:00.000 I was over there one day when I was 16. She goes, you got a book?

01:18:04.000 Nah, walk me to work tomorrow.

01:18:06.000 I'll get you a book. 1.00

01:18:06.000 You can start fucking being a hottie. 1.00

01:18:08.000 So I, you know, like a hot carrier? 1.00

01:18:11.000 Hot carrier?

01:18:12.000 Yeah, they're for brick masons.

01:18:14.000 Oh, okay.

01:18:15.000 So she goes, I can get you with the Italians over by the brick mason because she was from Hoboken. 0.99

01:18:19.000 So she got me a book.

01:18:20.000 I financed it.

01:18:21.000 She got a loan shark to finance it.

01:18:22.000 I love these people.

01:18:25.000 If I'm thinking, I don't like doing documentaries, but I need to do a documentary about this family because it's the rise and fall of an American family that I saw before my eyes.

01:18:35.000 As a child, I went over there and ate with them.

01:18:38.000 You know, I hung out with all three brothers, by the way.

01:18:41.000 Like, I wasn't just friends with Bonehead.

01:18:43.000 I hung out with Chrissy Fish, and I hung out with the little whatever his name was.

01:18:47.000 But Bonehead was my nighttime guy.

01:18:50.000 Bonehead used to take me into the murky waters of the underworld. 0.99

01:18:54.000 He could get me guns and shit. 0.99

01:18:55.000 Now, the medium brother was a drug dealer. 1.00

01:18:58.000 In the 80s and he drugged, he sold big times coke and he used to buy jewelry and he used to put them in a tackle box.

01:19:04.000 So one night me and the younger brother in the bed sleeping, Bonehead comes in to borrow money from us because he was going to the city to get heroin.

01:19:11.000 He goes, and I go, Bonehead, I got to go to the bank.

01:19:14.000 I don't have any money on me.

01:19:15.000 He went into his brother's room and instead of, his brother was sleeping, the drug dealer, instead of just opening up the tackle box and taking $40 out, he took the whole tackle box.

01:19:25.000 And it had $40,000 in cash and another $30,000 in jewelry.

01:19:28.000 He went to the Bronx.

01:19:31.000 These are the best times of my life.

01:19:32.000 If you want to talk about comrades, this is the best time of my life.

01:19:36.000 This is your war stories?

01:19:37.000 And you thought the house was haunted, and that was scary.

01:19:39.000 No, no, no.

01:19:39.000 This was not a haunted house at all.

01:19:41.000 These people were decent Italian people.

01:19:43.000 The dad was a longshoreman, and the mom was in charge of the Teamsters Union, and they hung out with Westies. 1.00

01:19:48.000 They hung out with the fuck, and the mother was friends with this dude that was a whatever for the Westies, and he used to get me jobs. 0.99

01:19:55.000 He would get me jobs casing joints. 1.00

01:19:58.000 You know, when you have a summer job?

01:20:00.000 Nah, he would tell me, come here.

01:20:01.000 I want you to go in that warehouse.

01:20:03.000 I'm going to give you $200, and they're going to give you $180.

01:20:05.000 I want you to go in that warehouse and write down all the alarms.

01:20:09.000 And tell me where the safe is, who walks around the safe, and he would pay me money.

01:20:12.000 This is a great house, though.

01:20:14.000 Old-school Italian house, but back to Bonehead.

01:20:17.000 Bonehead has the fishing tackle box. 0.86

01:20:19.000 He's about to go upstairs to buy heroin and shoot it.

01:20:21.000 He puts the tackle box in the garbage can in front of the building and puts a lid on it.

01:20:26.000 When he's upstairs shooting heroin, the garbage men come. 0.99

01:20:29.000 And they take the 40 large with the 30,000 in fucking jewelry. 1.00

01:20:35.000 Do you understand me? 0.99

01:20:36.000 I mean, this was non-stop.

01:20:38.000 Another night, Bonehead came home high on heroin, and he decided to make french fries.

01:20:43.000 So he put the pot out.

01:20:45.000 Remember in the 80s, they had those pots.

01:20:47.000 You could bring it home with the hot oil, and they would boil, and you could throw french fries.

01:20:52.000 America went crazy over them.

01:20:53.000 I forgot what they were. 0.92

01:20:54.000 Crazy.

01:20:55.000 French fry machines. 1.00

01:20:56.000 Everybody was making onion rings and shit. 0.99

01:20:58.000 Well, he did heroin and nodded up. 0.99

01:21:00.000 Left that thing running.

01:21:01.000 And the thing went on fire.

01:21:02.000 Of course it did. 1.00

01:21:03.000 We're all in the fucking house. 1.00

01:21:04.000 Oh, Jesus. 1.00

01:21:05.000 All right?

01:21:05.000 It's oil.

01:21:06.000 I wake up to ba-boom and alarms and all some Kurt's waking me up and we go out of the house and the father's outside and the grandmother and the fire department crawls on top of the roof, Joe, and they're hitting the fucking roof to let the smoke out and fire trucks are coming from the side laying water and they got the sirens in the middle of all this.

01:21:24.000 It's 8 in the morning and we all look around and go, oh my God!

01:21:27.000 Emil's still in the house.

01:21:29.000 Bonehead was still in the house on fire.

01:21:31.000 Bro, they turn the fire off, they go in.

01:21:33.000 He's still with his feet up.

01:21:37.000 With his hands crossed.

01:21:39.000 Just heroin out of his mind.

01:21:41.000 Watching TV like that.

01:21:43.000 He slept through the fire?

01:21:44.000 Oh my god, everything!

01:21:46.000 When they woke him up, he goes, are my fries ready?

01:21:50.000 This is how crazy this family was.

01:21:53.000 Are my fries ready? 0.99

01:21:55.000 They're like boneheads. 1.00

01:21:56.000 We have two fucking battalions out there. 1.00

01:21:59.000 We got half of 9-11 out there. 1.00

01:22:01.000 Oh my God! 1.00

01:22:02.000 And you're still fucking sleeping. 1.00

01:22:04.000 Oh my God. 1.00

01:22:05.000 They burned the house down. 1.00

01:22:06.000 Burned the fucking kitchen down and half the bedroom. 1.00

01:22:09.000 They had to move into a hotel for six months. 1.00

01:22:11.000 And they had a grandmother downstairs who was old school Italian, but she couldn't smell. 0.96

01:22:15.000 So every time we smoked pot, we'd just go down there and blow smoke in her face. 1.00

01:22:18.000 And Grandma would pass out in the wheelchair, and that was the end of it.

01:22:21.000 I mean, it didn't stop.

01:22:23.000 It didn't stop.

01:22:25.000 Jeez.

01:22:26.000 So this is why you get mad at people for binge-watching stuff on Netflix, and this is what you were talking about.

01:22:30.000 I get mad at everything, Lee.

01:22:32.000 What do you got to bother me for?

01:22:33.000 I get mad when people...

01:22:34.000 He used to hide the coke.

01:22:36.000 The medium brother used to hide the coke under his car. 1.00

01:22:39.000 And I'd be walking down the hill, and I could see a little container.

01:22:41.000 He didn't even have a Maserati.

01:22:43.000 What's the other Italian car?

01:22:45.000 Fiat. 1.00

01:22:46.000 This is how much of a guineas these motherfuckers were. 1.00

01:22:49.000 What's the other Italian car? 1.00

01:22:50.000 Well, it was Fiat, like you said.

01:22:52.000 The Avanti.

01:22:53.000 Avanti?

01:22:53.000 Oh, okay, I remember those.

01:22:55.000 Remember that piece of shit? 1.00

01:22:56.000 Yeah, that was a piece of shit. 1.00

01:22:57.000 Those are pieces of shit. 1.00

01:22:58.000 Can you show me a piece of car about Avanti? 1.00

01:23:00.000 I don't trust anything Italian. 1.00

01:23:02.000 Oh, my God.

01:23:02.000 He tried to sell it to me once.

01:23:04.000 It was like, it's worth 20. I'll give it to you for two grand.

01:23:07.000 Yeah, I drive it down the corner, it blows up.

01:23:09.000 Like, I feel like even if you buy a Ferrari, I feel like if you drive that thing, it's gonna fall apart.

01:23:15.000 I'm like, I trust German cars, you know?

01:23:18.000 I don't trust people like me making cars.

01:23:22.000 What's the other one?

01:23:23.000 The other one?

01:23:25.000 Lamborghini?

01:23:25.000 Is that Italian?

01:23:26.000 Yeah, those things fall apart.

01:23:27.000 Do they really?

01:23:28.000 Guarantee you.

01:23:28.000 Just look at them.

01:23:29.000 There's no way that's sturdy. 1.00

01:23:30.000 That's the ugliest fucking car I've ever seen. 0.99

01:23:32.000 Actually, Lamborghini's now owned by Audi, so who knows? 0.99

01:23:36.000 They might be, like, much better engineered now. 0.99

01:23:39.000 I'm talking shit, obviously. 0.97

01:23:42.000 I don't know that much about things other than, uh, I know a lot about Porsches. 1.00

01:23:46.000 But there's a lot of cars I don't understand about, but God, those things are disgusting.

01:23:50.000 The Avanti? 1.00

01:23:51.000 What a piece of shit. 1.00

01:23:52.000 Disgusting. 1.00

01:23:53.000 He was trying to sell it to me for two grand. 0.96

01:23:55.000 It's worth 30. Look at that thing.

01:23:57.000 It's crazy. 0.99

01:23:58.000 Lamborghinis are like the biggest, like, here's my dick car you can get, right? 0.96

01:24:03.000 That's the car at the side. 0.71

01:24:04.000 Yeah, the doors open up sideways.

01:24:05.000 You walk out of that naked. 1.00

01:24:08.000 Like, if I had that car, I'd just walk out with my dick out. 1.00

01:24:11.000 Like, what, bitches? 1.00

01:24:12.000 Ripping up $20 bills as you go. 1.00

01:24:14.000 I'd get a mink jockstrap.

01:24:17.000 Oh, your boy sent this...

01:24:19.000 Datsusara sent this fanny packs.

01:24:22.000 Oh, really?

01:24:23.000 I got my fanny packs filled to the brim of reed.

01:24:26.000 He's got giant fanny packs.

01:24:27.000 Bro, those are great fanny packs.

01:24:28.000 And they fit me?

01:24:29.000 They're really good for the...

01:24:30.000 Yeah.

01:24:30.000 If you travel on the road, you can get a lot of stuff in them.

01:24:33.000 Yeah.

01:24:33.000 No, no, that's true.

01:24:34.000 Your glasses, your license, your passport.

01:24:37.000 Oh, yeah.

01:24:38.000 Well.

01:24:38.000 You don't have one of those.

01:24:40.000 My plane tickets, my keys.

01:24:42.000 Poor Canadians. 1.00

01:24:43.000 They have to come down to America to see you.

01:24:45.000 And they have a great time.

01:24:46.000 Yeah.

01:24:46.000 No, they do.

01:24:47.000 It's a road trip.

01:24:48.000 Well, you do Buffalo.

01:24:49.000 Yeah, I do Buffalo, Toledo.

01:24:51.000 I try to really give you the benefit.

01:24:53.000 Seattle.

01:24:53.000 Detroit.

01:24:54.000 You've done Detroit.

01:24:55.000 I do Grand Rapids.

01:24:56.000 Grand Rapids.

01:24:57.000 I'm trying to get to Ann Arbor next year.

01:24:59.000 Ann Arbor, we did that once.

01:25:00.000 I did that once with, I think, Ari? 0.99

01:25:04.000 I did it at Ann Arbor back in the day.

01:25:07.000 That's a college town, right?

01:25:09.000 Comedy club down there?

01:25:10.000 Yeah, you did it with something.

01:25:11.000 Oh, I did it with Segura.

01:25:13.000 You came back and told me to call.

01:25:15.000 You called them.

01:25:16.000 Yeah, fun. 1.00

01:25:17.000 Fun fucking club. 1.00

01:25:19.000 Fun. 1.00

01:25:20.000 Yeah, there's some good spots where people can come down.

01:25:22.000 Canadians can come down.

01:25:23.000 Well, you can't do Seattle either.

01:25:30.000 What are you going to do, Doug?

01:25:31.000 I can't do Idaho either. 0.99

01:25:33.000 You would fucking tear Seattle apart! 0.99

01:25:37.000 It's so sad. 1.00

01:25:38.000 You can't get into Washington State. 0.99

01:25:40.000 They're still breaking my balls, too. 0.99

01:25:41.000 Can you work that out? 0.98

01:25:42.000 I thought you already had that almost worked out, like two years ago.

01:25:45.000 You know what, man?

01:25:46.000 They want a bunch of cash, and they still want me to go up there and surrender myself. 1.00

01:25:50.000 Oh, fuck all that. 1.00

01:25:51.000 I'm not surrendering myself. 1.00

01:25:52.000 I ain't fucking... 0.99

01:25:53.000 Surrendering yourself? 0.99

01:25:55.000 What does that even mean?

01:25:57.000 Come on in and turn yourself in and we'll put you through the process.

01:26:00.000 12 hours in a holding tank. 1.00

01:26:01.000 I got shit to do. 1.00

01:26:03.000 I ain't going to King County fucking jail for that shit. 1.00

01:26:06.000 12 hours in a holding tank? 1.00

01:26:08.000 It's not like you're some threat to society.

01:26:10.000 Why do they have to put you in a holding tank?

01:26:12.000 What kind of weird formality is that?

01:26:15.000 Like, sorry, we have to cuff you.

01:26:17.000 Wait a minute.

01:26:18.000 You know I'm not...

01:26:19.000 And I have no failure to appear.

01:26:21.000 I've always gone to court.

01:26:22.000 I don't have a failure.

01:26:24.000 I even went to court with an alias.

01:26:27.000 Like, I used an alias one time when I got arrested.

01:26:29.000 That's the class I got.

01:26:31.000 I covered the spread.

01:26:32.000 When they arrested me, I gave them, like, Joe Rogan's name.

01:26:35.000 And not so you wouldn't get a warrant, I went down there and did the 16 hours community service in the AIDS unit, painting for the AIDS people. 0.98

01:26:41.000 So next time you look at me and tell me I got no fucking character, think of that. 0.95

01:26:45.000 And 10 years later, I go to eat dinner with that guy. 0.98

01:26:47.000 And he's like, did I ever tell you I got pulled over and I had a warrant in Colorado?

01:26:50.000 I got arrested in Colorado for shoplifting?

01:26:52.000 No way. 1.00

01:26:53.000 I just kept eating my fucking meal. 1.00

01:26:55.000 Poor guy. 1.00

01:26:57.000 But at least he didn't get arrested. 0.99

01:26:58.000 I did his fucking time proof. 1.00

01:26:59.000 I did my fucking thing. 1.00

01:27:01.000 That is so ridiculous. 1.00

01:27:02.000 Can you imagine getting arrested in Boulder? 0.99

01:27:04.000 I think about the words you told me about Boulder once you go.

01:27:07.000 I was driving to Boulder with my wife and I kept thinking, this must have been a candy store for Joey Diaz.

01:27:15.000 How do you get arrested and they let you out without a license?

01:27:18.000 They're all like barefoot yoga people.

01:27:20.000 Listen to me.

01:27:20.000 I was in jail for three weeks as Jose Diaz, waiting bail for kidnapping.

01:27:26.000 I sat in there from December, from November 18th to December like 9th to 10th.

01:27:33.000 I had to jail wide.

01:27:34.000 You do know that.

01:27:35.000 You do know that I could just go up to the gardens.

01:27:37.000 I need to make a long distance call and he'd let me out.

01:27:39.000 Everybody else had to sign a list.

01:27:41.000 You do know that.

01:27:42.000 You didn't know I was smoking weed in there and I had all access to Kool-Aid because I don't like milk.

01:27:46.000 You don't like milk? 1.00

01:27:47.000 I hate fucking milk. 1.00

01:27:49.000 I like milkshakes, not milk. 1.00

01:27:51.000 I had all access.

01:27:52.000 Do you know I got arrested three months?

01:27:53.000 Not even Joe Rogan.

01:27:54.000 I got arrested a month after I made bail and they put me back in that jail and I went back as Jimmy.

01:28:01.000 And everybody was calling me Jimmy.

01:28:03.000 No, no, no, no.

01:28:04.000 My name on the fingerprint was the alias and they're fingerprinting me calling me Joey.

01:28:11.000 How you doing, Joey?

01:28:12.000 How's it been lately?

01:28:13.000 I see you back in here.

01:28:15.000 Meanwhile, on that card, it blatantly says, Jimmy.

01:28:20.000 So they didn't read the card?

01:28:22.000 No.

01:28:22.000 They just assumed it was you, but you went in with someone else's?

01:28:25.000 Yeah.

01:28:27.000 And then what happened?

01:28:28.000 And then I called the girl.

01:28:29.000 They said, we can't let you out without a license.

01:28:33.000 Driver's license?

01:28:33.000 Yeah.

01:28:34.000 I didn't even have the license for that name.

01:28:37.000 In those days, there was no paperwork on me at all.

01:28:40.000 If you arrested me, guess.

01:28:43.000 You always like Jeopardy, right?

01:28:45.000 Here's your chance to be Jeopardy.

01:28:48.000 You get no prizes.

01:28:49.000 I never carried a license on me in those days.

01:28:52.000 Till this day, I hate that bulge in my pocket. 0.99

01:28:54.000 I fucking hate it. 0.95

01:28:56.000 So what'd you do? 0.99

01:28:57.000 So I wouldn't bring an ID with me.

01:28:59.000 So I could be anybody when you're arresting me.

01:29:00.000 Right. 1.00

01:29:01.000 I could be a fucking penguin for what you fucking do. 1.00

01:29:04.000 So you just had nothing on you? 1.00

01:29:06.000 Nothing.

01:29:06.000 So they made me call, so I called my girlfriend at the time, and I go, hey, how you doing?

01:29:10.000 This is James.

01:29:11.000 She's like, who?

01:29:12.000 I go, this is James.

01:29:13.000 I took you out to dinner a couple weeks ago.

01:29:15.000 I lost my license. 1.00

01:29:16.000 She's like, what the fuck are you talking about? 0.99

01:29:18.000 And I'm just, the cop's right there. 1.00

01:29:20.000 I'm like, I lost my fucking license, and these cops won't let me out unless somebody comes down here and lets me out. 0.98

01:29:26.000 Now, she knew the kid I was talking about. 0.99

01:29:29.000 You follow me?

01:29:30.000 She always heard me talking about him.

01:29:32.000 So I said, James, James, James, James, James.

01:29:34.000 And she goes, okay, James, this last name.

01:29:36.000 And I go, yeah.

01:29:37.000 And she went down there.

01:29:38.000 They brought her in.

01:29:39.000 They said, what's his name?

01:29:40.000 James.

01:29:41.000 Where does he live?

01:29:42.000 She told him.

01:29:43.000 And they go, okay, we'll let you out.

01:29:46.000 And that was it.

01:29:48.000 They gave me paperwork and four days later I turned myself in.

01:29:52.000 I went.

01:29:52.000 I stood in court.

01:29:53.000 I got charged. 0.99

01:29:54.000 I pled guilty because I didn't want to fuck with it. 0.99

01:29:57.000 I didn't want to take a choplifting thing to trial. 0.99

01:30:00.000 They had me.

01:30:01.000 Right. 0.99

01:30:01.000 And I fucking did the community service at the AIDS unit. 0.99

01:30:06.000 Under this guy's name. 0.99

01:30:07.000 Under this guy's name. 0.99

01:30:08.000 I did all 16 hours of the fucking community corrections. 0.99

01:30:12.000 But I met a cop that was there. 0.99

01:30:14.000 See, everything works itself out until the other.

01:30:17.000 Because when I was there, there was a cop that would do a detail there.

01:30:20.000 In those days, the police, that AIDS unit was getting death threats from, like, militant people in Boulder, people up in the hill.

01:30:29.000 And they had a cop there, and I would talk to the cop every day.

01:30:32.000 Talk to the cop a little bit.

01:30:33.000 Hey, how you doing, officer?

01:30:35.000 And we talk about this or that, and one day, I got into a beef. 0.98

01:30:39.000 I had two felonies, and my ex-fucking boyfriend thought he was tough with me, and I said, you know what? 0.98

01:30:44.000 I gotta smack this guy, but if I get him, I gotta get him good. 0.99

01:30:48.000 And I went to meet him, and I fucking smacked him. 0.99

01:30:50.000 Guess who was the first cop on the job? 0.99

01:30:53.000 The dude from the AIDS unit.

01:30:55.000 This guy's holding on to his face.

01:30:57.000 He came, he asked me, Joey, what happened?

01:30:58.000 I told him the truth.

01:30:59.000 They gave me a ticket.

01:31:02.000 So life is a circle, my friend.

01:31:04.000 What kind of ticket do you get for slapping someone?

01:31:06.000 He got a ticket, too.

01:31:07.000 I got a misdemeanor assault, and he got using a racial slur outside the city limits of Boulder.

01:31:16.000 Oh, is that really the case?

01:31:19.000 That's really the case.

01:31:19.000 So Boulder's always been like that.

01:31:21.000 Yeah, because the football players in 85, those football players that were really powerful, those teams that won the national championship, there was always beef with them in Boulder.

01:31:29.000 The cops always had beef with them.

01:31:32.000 So there was one, but there was a couple incidents.

01:31:35.000 It was Canavis McGee. 1.00

01:31:36.000 He just smacked the motherfucker's eyeball out of his head. 1.00

01:31:39.000 I told those. 1.00

01:31:40.000 I think I'm kidding you.

01:31:41.000 I'm not cracking no jokes.

01:31:42.000 He broke his eye socket.

01:31:44.000 Six foot five, 245. With a smack.

01:31:47.000 With a smack. 0.99

01:31:47.000 Jesus. 0.99

01:31:48.000 A Stockton slap eyeball went out of his fucking head. 1.00

01:31:51.000 Well he made, might have had a ring on. 1.00

01:31:53.000 And then another lady called J.J. Flanagan a nigger and he punched her in the face. 1.00

01:31:57.000 So they dropped the charges because she said a racial slur. 0.51

01:32:01.000 That's hilarious. 0.68

01:32:02.000 That a woman can call a guy and just get punched in the face. 1.00

01:32:06.000 Oh, he slapped her, so they called it the J.J. Flanagan rule. 0.66

01:32:09.000 That is so crazy.

01:32:11.000 When I got arrested for that racial thing, I told him he called me a spick, which he did in front of my daughter.

01:32:17.000 So I smacked him.

01:32:19.000 So wait a minute, did the football player smack her or punch her?

01:32:22.000 I think he smacked her, J.J. Flanagan.

01:32:24.000 On the street corner in Pearl Street Mall or something.

01:32:28.000 That's how strong that word is.

01:32:30.000 It's the only word that has a letter. 1.00

01:32:32.000 You could kind of say the F word, but most people say fuck. 0.99

01:32:35.000 This is still 88. This is 88. This is 90. These are the times when they were coming down on CU football, but they had a lot of shit going on. 1.00

01:32:45.000 There's a 30 for 30. Oh, really? 0.99

01:32:48.000 Okay.

01:32:49.000 Let me ask you this.

01:32:50.000 Why do you think Boulder's always been so liberal?

01:32:53.000 Because they want to be.

01:32:55.000 They had that right to be.

01:32:56.000 These are people that want to live.

01:32:58.000 You know, the Boulder now, I might as well go to Santa Monica. 1.00

01:33:03.000 It's the same fucking people. 1.00

01:33:04.000 What do you mean? 1.00

01:33:05.000 It's the same people.

01:33:06.000 That was not the Boulder when I got there in 1980. Not even close.

01:33:10.000 What's the difference?

01:33:13.000 I don't know what the...

01:33:13.000 Gentiles.

01:33:15.000 You know, Starbucks.

01:33:16.000 That's not what Boulder was supposed to be.

01:33:19.000 Boulder was totally brought up to be anti-very much establishment.

01:33:25.000 Very, you know, people who have soap companies.

01:33:29.000 Right.

01:33:29.000 People who have shirts with designs of the Grateful Dead.

01:33:32.000 But that's what it is.

01:33:33.000 Right.

01:33:34.000 If that's what it is, let that be that.

01:33:37.000 Well, there's a bunch of people in Boulder that'll just go Democrat no matter what.

01:33:42.000 Which means?

01:33:43.000 They just vote Democrat.

01:33:44.000 They don't vote Republican ever.

01:33:46.000 So when I was there, it was during the Obama election after he got elected for the first term.

01:33:52.000 That's when I was there.

01:33:53.000 And I was like, it's just so weird that there's so many different...

01:34:00.000 People that have the same thing on their front lawn.

01:34:03.000 It's Obama, Obama, Obama, like everywhere you look.

01:34:05.000 You didn't see any Republican candidates on anybody's lawns.

01:34:09.000 You just didn't see that.

01:34:10.000 What is the rest of Colorado like?

01:34:12.000 Way Republican.

01:34:13.000 Way more Republican. 1.00

01:34:14.000 The rest of Colorado is like cowboys and shit. 1.00

01:34:17.000 Denver's kind of a mixture. 1.00

01:34:18.000 Denver, you get a little bit of everything.

01:34:19.000 Is it sort of like Austin, Texas?

01:34:21.000 Like that sort of like...

01:34:22.000 No, no, no, no.

01:34:23.000 Because Austin is more like cowboy funky.

01:34:26.000 Austin's different.

01:34:27.000 Austin has like a lot of badass music comes from Austin. 0.98

01:34:30.000 Fucking Gary Clark Jr. comes from Austin. 0.97

01:34:33.000 Yeah, but the state of mind of Boulder and Austin... 0.99

01:34:37.000 We're pretty much similar representing their states.

01:34:40.000 Right, but you can't compare them because Boulder's only 100,000 people. 0.98

01:34:43.000 It's a tiny ass place. 0.98

01:34:45.000 Austin's a million. 0.99

01:34:46.000 What's the population of Boulder?

01:34:47.000 100,000.

01:34:48.000 Still.

01:34:49.000 It's tiny.

01:34:50.000 You can't build.

01:34:51.000 They don't let you build.

01:34:52.000 They got that place locked down.

01:34:54.000 Well, that's what I'm saying.

01:34:55.000 They always...

01:34:55.000 They buy up open space.

01:34:57.000 Yeah, Boulder always wanted to be different than everybody else.

01:35:00.000 When I first went to Boulder, I first peaked at Boulder... 0.99

01:35:04.000 July of 83, and I was like, I'll never come to this fucking place. 0.99

01:35:09.000 Too boring? 0.99

01:35:10.000 I was from New York City, guy.

01:35:11.000 Get us the population, Jamie.

01:35:13.000 And all of a sudden I'm dealing with people.

01:35:14.000 It says it's 100,000.

01:35:15.000 The metro's about 300,000.

01:35:17.000 It's 100,000 and the metro's 300,000?

01:35:20.000 Yeah, but it's...

01:35:20.000 Oh, okay.

01:35:21.000 It's estimated it's about 100,000.

01:35:23.000 Where are you going, John?

01:35:24.000 What are you doing?

01:35:25.000 Stepping back to chew?

01:35:27.000 You were in the middle of a story.

01:35:28.000 Sure, guys.

01:35:30.000 Yeah, Austin's a totally different animal.

01:35:33.000 Austin is much more like...

01:35:35.000 I just meant in the way, like, Texas is a Republican.

01:35:38.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:35:39.000 Yeah, for sure.

01:35:39.000 But there's a lot of Republicans in Austin.

01:35:42.000 Austin's not entirely liberal.

01:35:44.000 Austin's a mixture.

01:35:46.000 It's a weird mixture.

01:35:47.000 Boulder's not much of a mixture.

01:35:49.000 Greg Fitzsimmons said it best.

01:35:51.000 He's like, it's just too one note.

01:35:53.000 He liked Denver, because we were talking about how amazing Colorado is, and he did a weekend at the Comedy Works.

01:35:59.000 He's like, you know what? 0.98

01:35:59.000 I could fucking live here. 0.98

01:36:01.000 He goes, I don't really say that about many places, but I could live there. 0.99

01:36:04.000 And we were talking about Boulder, and he's like, I think Boulder's just a little too one-note.

01:36:09.000 They're a little too college-influenced, super-liberal, social-justice-warrior-type, vegan, barefoot, handcrafted, all that nonsense.

01:36:21.000 You know, there's like a lot of...

01:36:22.000 The People's Republic of Boulder.

01:36:24.000 That's what they call it.

01:36:25.000 The People's Republic of Boulder.

01:36:27.000 But that has an attraction.

01:36:29.000 Yeah.

01:36:30.000 Oh, listen, it's peaceful.

01:36:31.000 To me, it wasn't an attraction.

01:36:32.000 They're very nice people.

01:36:33.000 At that time in my life, Boulder just meant something to me.

01:36:37.000 It meant peace of mind.

01:36:38.000 I don't know.

01:36:38.000 I don't know what it meant.

01:36:39.000 Well, the place itself is so fucking beautiful. 0.51

01:36:42.000 I mean, you're there in the foothills of the Rocky Mountains, and you just sit... 0.51

01:36:46.000 Sometimes you just...

01:36:47.000 Like, you go to Boulder, you just...

01:36:48.000 What's that street?

01:36:49.000 That mall street?

01:36:50.000 Pearl.

01:36:50.000 Pearl Street.

01:36:51.000 Pearl Street Mall.

01:36:52.000 And when you just look up and you see... 1.00

01:36:53.000 You're looking at fucking... 0.99

01:36:55.000 You leave the street and you look up, you're looking at mountains. 1.00

01:36:58.000 It's the Rocky Mountains right there.

01:37:00.000 You're in this beautiful, amazing spot.

01:37:02.000 And the people, it's not that many people.

01:37:04.000 I think that's a big thing. 0.99

01:37:06.000 I think when you get too many people in a place that gets annoying, that you fucking don't appreciate each other as much, just too many fucking people. 0.98

01:37:13.000 There's three million people. 0.97

01:37:15.000 Well, Boulder has grown a lot since I left in 94, in 22 years.

01:37:20.000 Can't grow much more than it's already grown.

01:37:22.000 What they've done is amazing is buy up so much open space and make it super difficult to put up apartment buildings. 0.99

01:37:28.000 And people are like, that's bullshit. 0.98

01:37:30.000 We need affordable housing. 1.00

01:37:32.000 Drive to Boulder, stupid. 1.00

01:37:34.000 Drive there. 1.00

01:37:35.000 Just fucking beautiful. 0.56

01:37:37.000 Part of the Denver metro area is included in that $300,000. 0.97

01:37:40.000 Okay, it's Orvada and places like that.

01:37:43.000 Well, it's like...

01:37:44.000 It's awesome.

01:37:45.000 Longmont, not Littleton, Longmont, Lafayette.

01:37:50.000 You know what's the hidden gem?

01:37:52.000 Evergreen. 1.00

01:37:54.000 Evergreen's the shit. 1.00

01:37:55.000 Evergreen's the shit. 1.00

01:37:56.000 God damn, they have some views. 1.00

01:37:58.000 Evergreen has some ridiculous views. 1.00

01:38:01.000 Where you're just tucked in with, like, this giant elk herd that walks down through the middle of town.

01:38:07.000 They had a giant elk herd walking through the middle of the street.

01:38:10.000 And a buddy of mine moved there, and he was living in Vegas before, and he was asking about Colorado.

01:38:15.000 I said, you've got to check out Evergreen.

01:38:17.000 And he went there once and bought a house, immediately moved.

01:38:21.000 And he texted me that these elk, they get in the middle of the street, and someone who was from out of town, apparently, was like beeping and trying to get the elk out of the road and like revving his engine because he was in a rush.

01:38:33.000 And some old cowboy got out of his truck, walked up to the dude's car window, punched him through the car window, and then got back in his truck. 0.89

01:38:44.000 Because the guy was harassing the elker.

01:38:46.000 Yeah, that's no joke, dude.

01:38:47.000 That's really what happens in Evergreen. 0.98

01:38:49.000 This is a herd of elk walking down the middle of the street and you can't do a goddamn thing about it. 0.94

01:38:54.000 And because the people in the town itself, I mean, they don't really hunt them when they do that. 0.96

01:38:59.000 So the elk feel super calm about walking on the highway in front of everybody. 0.96

01:39:05.000 Because if they were in the woods with you like that, they would fucking bolt if they saw a person. 0.99

01:39:10.000 If they smelled you, they would bolt. 0.98

01:39:12.000 But meanwhile, these things have chosen to go, like, by the road.

01:39:15.000 It's interesting, too, because they don't recognize people as predators in those situations.

01:39:21.000 It's like people around urban areas aren't predators, but people in the mountains are predators.

01:39:26.000 It's real weird.

01:39:28.000 So for generations, that, like, a group of elks has just been walking down the street?

01:39:32.000 Yeah.

01:39:33.000 That's unbelievable.

01:39:33.000 It's crazy.

01:39:34.000 Not only that, I mean, that's the case everywhere.

01:39:37.000 Like in Yellowstone, there was a video that someone sent me today.

01:39:40.000 I didn't...

01:39:42.000 I don't think I retweeted it.

01:39:43.000 Someone sent me...

01:39:44.000 I didn't watch it.

01:39:45.000 I wasn't getting self-service.

01:39:46.000 But there's a video that someone sent me today about some woman who got too close to an elk in Yellowstone.

01:39:50.000 I guess it was real recently.

01:39:51.000 But for the most part, they don't worry about people. 0.99

01:39:54.000 They're worried about wolves and grizzly bears and shit. 0.99

01:39:56.000 They see a person, they go... 0.99

01:39:58.000 Because no one's hunted in Yellowstone for over a hundred years.

01:40:01.000 So elk see people there, and they're like, What's up, dude?

01:40:03.000 How you doing, man?

01:40:04.000 Got some carrots for me?

01:40:06.000 Is this it?

01:40:06.000 Yeah.

01:40:07.000 Yellowstone Elk decides a woman is too close for comfort.

01:40:09.000 Yeah, go, go...

01:40:10.000 Oh, oh.

01:40:12.000 Oh, no, oh, no.

01:40:13.000 Oh.

01:40:13.000 Yes, did you get that on video?

01:40:15.000 Oh.

01:40:15.000 Oh, she just got launched.

01:40:19.000 I was just going to tell you, ma'am.

01:40:23.000 Could you please...

01:40:24.000 Oh, oh.

01:40:25.000 Yeah.

01:40:26.000 Oh.

01:40:26.000 Yes, did you get that on video?

01:40:28.000 Oh, he didn't get it.

01:40:28.000 Look, she went sailing.

01:40:30.000 With the video.

01:40:32.000 Wow.

01:40:33.000 I was just going to tell you.

01:40:36.000 We're too close to that elk, and that's why.

01:40:40.000 25 yards, ma'am. 1.00

01:40:47.000 Thank you, sir.

01:40:49.000 I just got humbled, sir.

01:40:51.000 That's a certain kind of sir.

01:40:52.000 Have you seen the video of the hunter getting beaten by a deer?

01:40:56.000 Yeah, I've seen.

01:40:56.000 There's a bunch of those.

01:40:57.000 He just kicks them in the face. 1.00

01:40:58.000 They'll fuck you up, especially in the rut. 1.00

01:41:00.000 They're horny, and they think you're cock-blocking them. 1.00

01:41:03.000 They get mad. 1.00

01:41:04.000 Jack you.

01:41:05.000 Are you serious?

01:41:06.000 Oh, yeah.

01:41:06.000 People have died from deer.

01:41:08.000 A lot of people have died.

01:41:09.000 Because they get gored.

01:41:12.000 They're either hunting them or they're hiking them. 1.00

01:41:15.000 Whatever reason, maybe like that lady, they get stupid. 1.00

01:41:18.000 She was lucky that that was either a cow elk or that was an elk that didn't have antlers yet because they shed their antlers and then they grow them back. 1.00

01:41:26.000 So she got lucky.

01:41:27.000 Because if that was a big bull elk, there's one.

01:41:29.000 This one.

01:41:30.000 This is the one I saw.

01:41:31.000 He just kicked him. 1.00

01:41:32.000 That guy has dog shit jiu-jitsu. 1.00

01:41:33.000 First of all, he should be spinning for one of those rear legs. 0.99

01:41:36.000 You try to get him in a heel hook on that rear. 0.88

01:41:39.000 I Kimura'd a deer's leg and snapped it in half.

01:41:43.000 After it was already dead.

01:41:44.000 Jesus!

01:41:45.000 I was like, I wonder if this would work on a deer.

01:41:49.000 Snapped its leg when Callan and I went hunting in Montana.

01:41:52.000 So I feel real confident that I could heel hook a deer. 1.00

01:41:55.000 Fuck it up. 1.00

01:41:56.000 Have you lost your fucking leg? 1.00

01:41:58.000 Heel hook a deer. 1.00

01:42:00.000 I take his back. 0.99

01:42:01.000 Take his back.

01:42:01.000 Yeah, sure.

01:42:02.000 Take that fucking deer's back. 1.00

01:42:04.000 Then you're in the hospital with a ball. 1.00

01:42:06.000 And I have to make some fucking... 0.99

01:42:09.000 By the way, my thoughts for Eddie Bravo is probably just recovering right now. 0.99

01:42:13.000 Yeah, he's in the hospital today.

01:42:15.000 Eddie got his discs replaced.

01:42:17.000 How long does that take now?

01:42:19.000 I don't think the operation is just a few hours.

01:42:23.000 And the recovery time is ridiculously low.

01:42:27.000 I think in six weeks, he's allowed to start lifting weights.

01:42:31.000 So, six weeks, his body has to heal up.

01:42:34.000 So, I'm talking out of school because I don't know the exact procedure, but I know This is what he told me, is that they're replacing a disc with a titanium disc.

01:42:43.000 They have some sort of a new technology in disc replacement, where they used to take the disc out and they would fuse it together.

01:42:50.000 Now instead, they'll put an artificial disc.

01:42:53.000 And it's supposed to be just as good as a real disc.

01:42:58.000 And the difference being that when they would fuse those discs, it would limit your mobility pretty drastically because you don't have any articulation in between the two joints.

01:43:07.000 Now that they have this artificial disc, that artificial disc actually moves around and it allows your spine to be flexible.

01:43:15.000 So, um, one of the guys from school, Victor, got it done, and apparently he's never been better.

01:43:20.000 He feels great, no pain at all, and it was bothering him for a long time.

01:43:24.000 And Eddie's been bothering his for almost as long as I've known him, because he does so much stuff from his back, you know?

01:43:29.000 It's all guard work, and he's getting stacked all the time and compressed all the time, and not, you know, not the most diligent about stretching the back out early in his career, you know?

01:43:41.000 You stretch it before and after.

01:43:43.000 You definitely should warm up before.

01:43:46.000 But the big thing is mobility.

01:43:49.000 Mobility training.

01:43:50.000 Meaning, doing things like bending down, grabbing the back of your heel with your four fingers on both sides and trying to put your pinkies together.

01:44:00.000 And then extending your legs.

01:44:02.000 You're popping your back and stretching your back out.

01:44:05.000 For me, that's big.

01:44:06.000 Hanging by your ankles is big.

01:44:08.000 Any sort of decompression, anything that alleviates pressure.

01:44:11.000 I have one that I put on my neck.

01:44:12.000 And it's like I'm hanging myself.

01:44:14.000 I go click, [...

01:44:16.000 And I'm like literally hanging a good percentage of my weight from my neck.

01:44:20.000 Then I have a bunch of them in the back.

01:44:22.000 I have different decompression devices in the back.

01:44:24.000 I've got the reverse hyper which strengthens your back and also it's like an active moving decompression of the back.

01:44:32.000 That's created by that Louie Simmons guy from Westside Barbell.

01:44:35.000 Just a genius guy.

01:44:37.000 He had a back injury, too, and he needed to get it fixed, and they wanted to cut him.

01:44:42.000 And he's like, I think I can figure this out.

01:44:44.000 I think there's got to be an exercise that strengthens this instead of surgery.

01:44:47.000 And so that's what he came up with.

01:44:49.000 But see, in Eddie's position, I don't even know if that would have helped, because Eddie's was so far gone, he didn't have any disc left.

01:44:55.000 There was nothing there.

01:44:56.000 You know, in Alberto's, they do the 12 o'clock class, and at 115, it's a mobility class for a half hour.

01:45:01.000 Is that that Kettle Jitsu guy?

01:45:03.000 No.

01:45:03.000 But isn't there a guy...

01:45:04.000 Yes.

01:45:05.000 No, but he's got Tick Fit.

01:45:08.000 Tick Fit.

01:45:09.000 He's got Tick Fit.

01:45:10.000 What does that mean?

01:45:11.000 Tick Fit is that new training with the bats.

01:45:14.000 How do you say Tick?

01:45:15.000 I don't know.

01:45:16.000 How do you spell it?

01:45:17.000 T-I-C-F-I-T, I think.

01:45:20.000 Tick, huh.

01:45:20.000 Tick Fit, and it's the stuff with the bat.

01:45:23.000 Okay.

01:45:23.000 Like Escrima?

01:45:24.000 Like that kind of stuff?

01:45:25.000 No, no, no, no.

01:45:26.000 No, like Police Baton?

01:45:27.000 What do they have on it now?

01:45:29.000 What do they do for them?

01:45:30.000 Oh, you mean maces?

01:45:31.000 Like Steel Mace?

01:45:32.000 Or Club?

01:45:33.000 The Club.

01:45:34.000 I feel like we're playing charades.

01:45:35.000 The Club.

01:45:36.000 Metal Club?

01:45:37.000 Yeah.

01:45:38.000 Well, they do something with a club and they have a class at 9. Oh, okay.

01:45:42.000 And then they have a class at 1 and they have a class at 6.30.

01:45:45.000 What he's been doing lately is like, you know what, man?

01:45:48.000 My 1's been light.

01:45:49.000 Why don't I come out here and do mobility with you guys from 115 to 145 after the class when you're warmed up already after jiu-jitsu?

01:45:57.000 And he just does, you know, squat, touch the ground, lift your foot down, then go up and switch legs.

01:46:05.000 You know, just stuff like that.

01:46:07.000 Six exercises, three minutes with a thing, and you're out of there.

01:46:10.000 You stretch, and you're out of there.

01:46:11.000 It's no big deal.

01:46:13.000 I mean, you break a sweat on some of them, you know.

01:46:15.000 Downward dog to something else, into a Hindu push-up. 1.00

01:46:18.000 Well, you know what's the problem with jiu-jitsu is that it's fun.

01:46:21.000 And when it's fun, you're going in there and you're getting smashed all the time.

01:46:24.000 And overall, you don't give yourself a lot of time to recover from those rolling sessions.

01:46:29.000 And there's a lot of little micro-injuries in those rolling sessions.

01:46:32.000 And some of those micro-injuries become chronic after a while.

01:46:35.000 Like Eddie's back.

01:46:36.000 Or like for me, it was my neck.

01:46:38.000 Just like over and over again, you're doing the same thing over and over again.

01:46:41.000 You're, ow, it's sore.

01:46:42.000 And the next day, you just keep training.

01:46:44.000 You develop scar tissue.

01:46:46.000 Your discs get compressed. 0.91

01:46:48.000 And then you start getting weird shit like numbness. 0.86

01:46:50.000 Like some guys get like numb feet. 0.64

01:46:53.000 Like Cade, my friend Cade, his lower leg is still numb.

01:46:56.000 Still numb.

01:46:57.000 My hands, I was getting numb hands. 1.00

01:47:00.000 Boss Rootin's got like a whole, his whole like neck area is fucked. 0.95

01:47:04.000 He's had several surgeries in his neck, and he's got at least two discs, maybe three discs frozen, and the discs are removed, and the bones are fused in his neck. 0.97

01:47:19.000 I try to take a day in between.

01:47:21.000 Except the days I have to go on the road, the weeks I have to go on the road, I want to get three in.

01:47:26.000 So I just do Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and get on a plane Thursday.

01:47:29.000 But the weeks I'm in town all week, I do Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.

01:47:33.000 And then sometimes, like this week I did Sunday and I went Monday.

01:47:37.000 But Sunday's very light.

01:47:38.000 It's just three-minute rolls and guard, pass stuff.

01:47:42.000 He's a great guy.

01:47:43.000 He doesn't really, Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays are the hard ones.

01:47:48.000 Sundays I go because the guy is just so great technically. 0.99

01:47:51.000 I always learn one little stupid thing. 1.00

01:47:54.000 You know, just one little stupid thing. 1.00

01:47:56.000 You roll like two or three times and you're out of there. 1.00

01:47:59.000 Right.

01:48:00.000 But I always try to take, even if I want to go that day, even if I feel okay and I'm not sore, I'll take the day off.

01:48:07.000 Because I don't want to go every day.

01:48:08.000 I don't want to do that.

01:48:09.000 You know, I'll do a light kettlebell.

01:48:12.000 But then there's other people that think you just keep doing it and eventually your body hardens up.

01:48:17.000 I don't know.

01:48:19.000 I guess it depends on how you approach it.

01:48:21.000 I know Bourdain does it every day.

01:48:23.000 He trains every day.

01:48:24.000 Sometimes he does twice a day.

01:48:26.000 He'll take a private and then he'll take a group class.

01:48:29.000 Well, it's an age thing.

01:48:30.000 It's the time barrier.

01:48:32.000 And it's also, like for me, it's the weight.

01:48:36.000 You know, when you judo throw me, it's 300 pounds.

01:48:39.000 It's 295. You do that 10 times, the next day something's gonna be rattled in my fucking hips. 0.99

01:48:45.000 Right. 0.99

01:48:45.000 Okay, last week we had a guy, Enrique Machado. 0.99

01:48:50.000 He's Jacare's coach in the Amazon. 1.00

01:48:53.000 You gotta take a plane, a boat, and a fucking bicycle. 0.99

01:48:59.000 I'm not trying to be cute. 1.00

01:49:00.000 It's the truth.

01:49:02.000 We had Alberto.

01:49:02.000 I remember Alberto was saying at the one place in Brazil that you gotta train 10 hours, then you gotta walk a mile, then you gotta go across.

01:49:10.000 And one of these things is some days somebody would steal the paddle.

01:49:15.000 Can you imagine?

01:49:16.000 Jesus. 1.00

01:49:17.000 Ten hours of fucking fucking around, an hour mile walk, and now somebody steals the fucking paddle. 1.00

01:49:22.000 I can't even paddle to my fucking house. 1.00

01:49:24.000 And there was shit in the water. 1.00

01:49:25.000 And there was shit in the water because the house, the sewage would go into the water. 0.99

01:49:29.000 Oh, Jesus. 0.99

01:49:30.000 No, no, no, no. 1.00

01:49:31.000 And then you wonder why they got Zika and everybody's head's getting big in Brazil and shit. 1.00

01:49:34.000 Small. 0.99

01:49:35.000 That's what happened now.

01:49:36.000 I think that's what they gave Jose Aldo against the fight against McGregor, the Zika virus.

01:49:40.000 And he came out. 1.00

01:49:41.000 They're all fucked up. 1.00

01:49:42.000 They had them crying after the show and shit. 1.00

01:49:45.000 Oh, Jesus Christ. 1.00

01:49:46.000 They had a camera in the room. 1.00

01:49:48.000 I'm telling you, Dana found a way to give them the Zika virus and shit. 1.00

01:49:52.000 Could you imagine how bad the population would be if there was no viruses? 0.99

01:49:56.000 If there was no diseases?

01:49:57.000 If diseases didn't kill anybody?

01:49:59.000 I mean, how many people are killed?

01:50:00.000 Let's just take a guess.

01:50:01.000 How many people are killed every year by disease?

01:50:05.000 Let's guess.

01:50:06.000 Two million?

01:50:06.000 Three million?

01:50:07.000 How many people do you think?

01:50:08.000 Probably around there, but it's not in America.

01:50:10.000 I think it's in, like...

01:50:11.000 Right.

01:50:12.000 Did you see that picture, by the way, of that ladder in China?

01:50:16.000 Ladder in China.

01:50:17.000 The kids were climbing up?

01:50:18.000 It's places like that.

01:50:19.000 It's like a 2,000-foot bamboo ladder that six-year-olds are climbing up.

01:50:24.000 Why are they doing that?

01:50:25.000 It's the only way to get to their town.

01:50:27.000 What?

01:50:28.000 Have you seen that, Jamie?

01:50:29.000 Jesus Christ.

01:50:31.000 A 2,000 foot ladder?

01:50:32.000 It might not be feet.

01:50:33.000 It might be...

01:50:34.000 Look at this.

01:50:35.000 Oh my god.

01:50:36.000 Children in China who climb 2,500 foot cliff to get to school may be given stairs.

01:50:41.000 Oh. 0.99

01:50:42.000 Pussies. 1.00

01:50:44.000 They're six years old. 1.00

01:50:45.000 So it's places like this, I think.

01:50:46.000 Look at this, dude.

01:50:47.000 They're climbing with their backpacks on.

01:50:50.000 Imagine sending your little baby, and your baby has to climb 2,500 feet on this janky-ass wooden ladder that looks like it was made when Columbus was sailing. 0.98

01:51:01.000 Look how fucking wanky that ladder looks. 0.99

01:51:04.000 That's insane. 0.99

01:51:05.000 See if there's any other pictures. 1.00

01:51:08.000 That is fucking bananas. 0.99

01:51:10.000 Oh! 1.00

01:51:13.000 Whoa, these poor kids.

01:51:15.000 They got a hard look on their face, man.

01:51:19.000 Jesus, that's so crazy. 1.00

01:51:22.000 I wonder, you know there's one fucking weak-ass bitch kid that starts crying, I can't make, and then he falls. 1.00

01:51:28.000 I would've fallen. 1.00

01:51:28.000 Not in China. 1.00

01:51:30.000 Not in China, they don't make it. 1.00

01:51:32.000 No, not these fucking kids. 1.00

01:51:33.000 They don't make it. 1.00

01:51:34.000 Those kids don't make it.

01:51:35.000 That is bananas.

01:51:36.000 So yeah, I think it's places like this where people are dying of viruses, because you never really hear about it in America that often.

01:51:42.000 Well, people definitely die of the flu here in America.

01:51:45.000 That's still happening.

01:51:46.000 I bet thousands of people die every year from the flu.

01:51:49.000 But as far as how many people die from diseases worldwide, I'm going to say every year.

01:51:56.000 Want to say 20 million?

01:51:58.000 How many people?

01:52:00.000 Well, it depends on what kind of disease, because there's lots of disease.

01:52:03.000 Cardiovascular disease is the number one killer.

01:52:04.000 Oh yeah, that's different.

01:52:05.000 But that's just like poor health.

01:52:08.000 It says, though, in 2012, an estimated 56 million people died.

01:52:13.000 Just died.

01:52:14.000 In America?

01:52:15.000 I think this is the whole world.

01:52:17.000 No.

01:52:18.000 No.

01:52:19.000 56 million?

01:52:20.000 In the whole world?

01:52:21.000 If that was America, that'd be like... 0.80

01:52:22.000 In one year?

01:52:22.000 That'd be a sixth of the country dying in one year.

01:52:24.000 Right.

01:52:24.000 It wouldn't happen in just America.

01:52:26.000 But in the whole world, only 56 million people out of 7 billion in a year?

01:52:30.000 That's an estimation.

01:52:31.000 They can't count all of them.

01:52:32.000 Would you have guessed that that would be what it was?

01:52:35.000 I don't know.

01:52:36.000 I would have thought it would have been way higher.

01:52:37.000 What would you think, like, for a year?

01:52:39.000 Like, how many people die in a year?

01:52:42.000 Actually, I think 56 million is a pretty big number, if you really stop and think about it.

01:52:45.000 And they're not counting anybody in Africa.

01:52:48.000 No.

01:52:49.000 35 million people in Canada, that's twice that, at least.

01:52:52.000 Yeah.

01:52:53.000 Or almost twice.

01:52:53.000 I guess that makes sense.

01:52:54.000 When you say disease, this is HIV. Yeah, like syphilis.

01:53:00.000 Syphilis, flu, Zika.

01:53:03.000 Yeah, Zika.

01:53:04.000 I don't think Zika is really killing many people.

01:53:06.000 It just fucks up kids. 0.98

01:53:07.000 Just really fucks women up when they get it. 1.00

01:53:10.000 Apparently you can get it and not even know you have it. 0.99

01:53:12.000 You get pregnant. 0.99

01:53:13.000 That fucks your kid up. 0.83

01:53:16.000 Non-communicable disease is responsible for 38 million of those. 0.96

01:53:21.000 Okay, so that's like heart disease and...

01:53:25.000 And cardiovascular...

01:53:26.000 Cancer.

01:53:27.000 2.6 million. 0.99

01:53:28.000 What I'm interested in is like malaria and shit like that. 0.82

01:53:32.000 HIV decreased slightly from 1.7 deaths and 2 million to 1.5 million, so only 2,000 or 200,000 less. 0.96

01:53:42.000 1.5 million people die every year from HIV? Diarrhea is no longer among the top five leading causes of death.

01:53:48.000 Diarrhea and AIDS, neck and neck.

01:53:53.000 People die from diarrhea?

01:53:54.000 Of course, yeah, they get dehydrated.

01:53:56.000 But how bizarre is it that AIDS kills that many people?

01:54:00.000 HIV death decreased...

01:54:02.000 1.7 million to 1.5 million in 2012. That's still crazy.

01:54:08.000 Like, when was the last time you heard about someone in America dying from HIV? You don't hear about it very often.

01:54:16.000 Don't they say complications?

01:54:18.000 Yeah, they usually just talk about pneumonia.

01:54:21.000 Because HIV is the nucleus, but something later gets a deficiency or something.

01:54:24.000 Yeah.

01:54:25.000 That definitely can be it.

01:54:27.000 You know, my uncle got whatever with cancer four years ago.

01:54:30.000 Got whatever with cancer?

01:54:31.000 He got diagnosed with cancer.

01:54:33.000 Oh, okay.

01:54:33.000 The crazy one.

01:54:34.000 Oh, really? 0.71

01:54:34.000 The one I pulled the gun on. 0.71

01:54:36.000 Yeah?

01:54:36.000 You know, he's still alive.

01:54:37.000 That happens.

01:54:38.000 No chemo.

01:54:39.000 What does he do?

01:54:40.000 Changed his whole diet.

01:54:41.000 No sugar.

01:54:42.000 Everything is organic.

01:54:44.000 Really?

01:54:44.000 Everything is organic.

01:54:46.000 Everything is vegan.

01:54:47.000 And what happened?

01:54:48.000 He's still alive.

01:54:49.000 He still works the door at his bar.

01:54:51.000 He just bit slapped somebody about three months ago.

01:54:54.000 He still walks five miles a day in Griffith Park and he still hits the bag for an hour.

01:54:58.000 What's his cancer like? 1.00

01:54:59.000 Do you get it checked out or does he just say fuck it? 1.00

01:55:01.000 He says it's from testosterone. 1.00

01:55:03.000 His cancer's from testosterone?

01:55:04.000 He's been doing testosterone since he was 35. He had three households going.

01:55:09.000 It's got three households coming.

01:55:10.000 What do you mean?

01:55:11.000 He had the wife and the kid.

01:55:14.000 Oh, you told me that.

01:55:15.000 And he cheated on her.

01:55:17.000 He had the hooker for 30 years, who he still has a relationship with. 1.00

01:55:22.000 And then he fucked her cousin. 1.00

01:55:24.000 And she had a kid that lives in the backyard. 0.99

01:55:28.000 Boris lives in the backyard.

01:55:30.000 They got him in the back!

01:55:32.000 Oh my god.

01:55:34.000 Three households.

01:55:35.000 Oh my god.

01:55:36.000 Do they all know about each other at least?

01:55:38.000 Everybody knows.

01:55:39.000 That's good.

01:55:40.000 Because otherwise it would be too much pressure. 1.00

01:55:42.000 The one wife just brought the kid home after he fucked the cousin. 1.00

01:55:46.000 Because it's like, alright, he was fucking the straight one and he fucked the cousin. 1.00

01:55:50.000 Once she had the kid and she goes, you went back with my cousin, she just walked the kid to his house and then she goes, I don't want this fucking kid. 1.00

01:55:57.000 This is your problem. 0.99

01:55:58.000 And she's never seen the kid since.

01:56:00.000 Oh my god.

01:56:01.000 And my uncle's got him in the back like Boris.

01:56:03.000 Oh my god. 1.00

01:56:04.000 Fucking whipping him his shit. 1.00

01:56:06.000 Jesus Christ. 1.00

01:56:08.000 That is so crazy. 1.00

01:56:09.000 It's fucking crazy. 1.00

01:56:11.000 Three households. 1.00

01:56:12.000 I have a hard time with my daughter and my wife, never mind three fucking households. 1.00

01:56:17.000 Like, do you think a guy like that does that just for a distraction? 1.00

01:56:20.000 Or is he just retarded? 1.00

01:56:21.000 He's just retarded. 1.00

01:56:22.000 My uncle's just retarded. 1.00

01:56:26.000 He's retarded. 1.00

01:56:27.000 Now he's banging a new one that's like 40. And how old is he? 0.99

01:56:30.000 78. He's got a 40-year-old?

01:56:32.000 A 40-year-old.

01:56:33.000 He hooks up with it on Thursdays and he takes it to the fish market you go to.

01:56:36.000 That's a weird place to go.

01:56:38.000 Real weird place to go.

01:56:40.000 Well, he takes it down.

01:56:41.000 There's a fish market. 0.99

01:56:42.000 So he eats all the natural fish and shit. 1.00

01:56:44.000 And he fucks the shit out of it. 1.00

01:56:46.000 And he brings it home. 1.00

01:56:46.000 He gives it some of that cancer dick. 1.00

01:56:50.000 He gives him a heavy-duty cancer dick and he rocks the world that way. 1.00

01:56:54.000 So the whole family's concerned because they know when he punches the ticket, he's gonna leave all his money to her. 0.99

01:57:00.000 So everybody's pissed off.

01:57:01.000 They're like, we don't know where he goes on Thursdays.

01:57:03.000 I do.

01:57:04.000 You better get your clocks fixed.

01:57:06.000 Isn't that funny that people worry about that?

01:57:08.000 They're worried that you like someone more than them when it comes to the money.

01:57:11.000 Where's the money going? 0.93

01:57:13.000 You know, man, it's one of the ugliest...

01:57:15.000 I just got a call from a school teacher and he goes, I'm sorry I haven't gotten back to you. 0.99

01:57:20.000 He goes, I've just had the hardest two months of my fucking life. 0.99

01:57:23.000 My mom died. 1.00

01:57:24.000 What a fucking nightmare. 1.00

01:57:26.000 What a fucking nightmare death is. 1.00

01:57:29.000 And then everybody... 1.00

01:57:31.000 Because nobody gives a fuck. 0.98

01:57:32.000 And all of a sudden, it's like Prince. 0.99

01:57:34.000 Prince dies, no will. 1.00

01:57:37.000 Two billion dollars, six motherfucking savages. 1.00

01:57:42.000 He had two billion dollars? 1.00

01:57:43.000 I don't know what he had. 0.99

01:57:44.000 250 million fucking... 0.99

01:57:45.000 Do you think he really had no will? 0.99

01:57:46.000 I've heard a lot of things talking about how involved in copyright he was with his own music, which is especially why he changed his name.

01:57:55.000 And to think he would not think to have a will seems really strange.

01:57:59.000 There's some people who think it's bad luck. 0.96

01:58:02.000 Yeah, Prince was crazy. 0.99

01:58:04.000 Prince was crazy. 0.92

01:58:04.000 Like, you think that that would be odd for him to not have a will? 0.92

01:58:07.000 I don't know.

01:58:07.000 I don't think it would be that odd.

01:58:09.000 He was so odd anyway.

01:58:11.000 Being that invested in your money, because that's what he was worried about with knowing all his things, that's the last time.

01:58:17.000 Maybe he doesn't care.

01:58:17.000 Maybe he didn't want to be valuable.

01:58:19.000 Maybe he didn't want to be valuable when he was dead to family members and shit. 0.97

01:58:22.000 Maybe he didn't want to, like, have that... 0.98

01:58:23.000 He's like, who cares what happens to my money when I'm dead?

01:58:25.000 The problem is the government gets a big chunk of it if you don't have it written off.

01:58:29.000 If you don't have it given off to various family members, I think the government gets a...

01:58:35.000 But don't they still get a piece?

01:58:36.000 They definitely get a piece.

01:58:37.000 They get a piece.

01:58:38.000 Not only do they get a piece, they get a piece for money that you've already been taxed on.

01:58:41.000 Like, say if Joey makes a million dollars, right?

01:58:43.000 And Joey has a million dollars in the bank and he leaves it all to you.

01:58:46.000 Joey didn't make a million dollars to get a million dollars.

01:58:49.000 He had to make way more than a million dollars.

01:58:50.000 So he probably had to make closer to two.

01:58:53.000 Because when you get over $250,000, tax percentage is like 40-something percent, and then sales tax and all the other taxes that you have to take into consideration, state tax, all this different stuff, right?

01:59:06.000 Property tax.

01:59:07.000 Think about all the taxes you pay to save up a million bucks.

01:59:10.000 It's a lot of money.

01:59:11.000 So if he leaves all that million bucks to you, you don't get the million dollars.

01:59:14.000 You have to be taxed on that million dollars.

01:59:17.000 So you have to be taxed on money he's already been taxed on.

01:59:20.000 It's not like he's...unless he gives you gold coins.

01:59:23.000 But even if he gives you gold coins, you owe the value of those gold coins in tax.

01:59:28.000 You owe a percentage in tax. 0.99

01:59:31.000 It's fucking gross. 0.99

01:59:33.000 I have a safe. 0.99

01:59:35.000 And every day I put a gold coin in there.

01:59:37.000 I put money in the bank.

01:59:38.000 I got a half a million in the bank.

01:59:39.000 I got 800,000 in savings.

01:59:41.000 But I probably got like two million back then coins that nobody knows about.

01:59:45.000 I leave them to Joe Rogan. 0.99

01:59:46.000 Would Joe Rogan pay taxes on that shit? 1.00

01:59:48.000 Yes, I would. 1.00

01:59:49.000 You would, legitimately.

01:59:49.000 Yes, I would.

01:59:50.000 Even if nobody would.

01:59:51.000 Well, otherwise it wouldn't be mine unless you'd written it off to me, right?

01:59:56.000 So once you write it off to me, then it becomes mine.

01:59:58.000 So if it becomes mine, that's the money that someone just gave me.

02:00:01.000 I gotta pay tax on it.

02:00:02.000 Uncle Sam is just a robber.

02:00:05.000 Just like, oh, would you get a gift, Joey?

02:00:07.000 You get a gift from Lee?

02:00:08.000 That's nice.

02:00:09.000 That's nice.

02:00:10.000 How come I didn't get a gift? 0.99

02:00:12.000 Where's my fucking gift? 0.99

02:00:13.000 But what if? 1.00

02:00:13.000 I want my fucking gift! 1.00

02:00:15.000 I want you in a cage! 1.00

02:00:17.000 What if Uncle Sam don't know about that two million? 0.98

02:00:20.000 Would you rat yourself?

02:00:20.000 Well, you have to figure out a way that you have that two million.

02:00:24.000 See, if someone gives it to you, what is this?

02:00:26.000 Gift tax.

02:00:28.000 Okay, how's that work?

02:00:29.000 The following gifts are considered to be taxable gifts when they exceed an annual gift exclusion amount of $14,000.

02:00:37.000 Taxable gifts count as part of $5.3 million in 2014. You're allowed to give away during your lifetime before you must pay the gift tax.

02:00:46.000 What? 1.00

02:00:48.000 Hold the fuck on. 1.00

02:00:50.000 Gifts? 1.00

02:00:51.000 Subjects to the...

02:00:52.000 So if I give you something that is expensive, you have to pay a gift tax?

02:00:58.000 It's over a certain amount of money. 0.82

02:01:00.000 That's disgusting. 0.98

02:01:02.000 That's disgusting. 0.95

02:01:04.000 It really is. 0.85

02:01:05.000 It's really sad.

02:01:07.000 That's just sad. 1.00

02:01:09.000 It's sad that we live in this fucking country that thinks it's okay to steal money like that from people. 0.99

02:01:14.000 Like, say if you don't have anything, and you don't make a lot of money, and a guy gives you $20,000. 0.99

02:01:20.000 You have to give the government a piece of that $20,000. 1.00

02:01:24.000 Fuck them. 1.00

02:01:25.000 Fuck them. 1.00

02:01:27.000 I mean, fuck that. 1.00

02:01:28.000 That's bullshit. 1.00

02:01:29.000 What about when you, like, when I first moved here, it was my first, like, real adult job, and I figured out I was working 30% of the time for the government. 0.99

02:01:37.000 They take 30% directly out, and it just...

02:01:41.000 It blew my mind.

02:01:42.000 And then, I don't know what's going on with Trump, but in the last election, I think Mitt Romney finally came out and said he paid something like 17%.

02:01:49.000 Yeah.

02:01:51.000 It's so sad.

02:01:53.000 It frustrates people when the rich people can have all those deductions and pay 17%.

02:01:58.000 Oh, yeah.

02:01:58.000 Or paying 30%.

02:01:59.000 Well, there's tax shelters, and then there's also storing money overseas.

02:02:03.000 That's where things get real weird. 0.97

02:02:05.000 Because there's a lot of super fucking uber rich people that have a fuckload of money stored overseas. 0.97

02:02:12.000 And by doing that, and by these overseas tax shelters, they can fucking hide a lot of money. 0.98

02:02:18.000 You know who's got that going on?

02:02:20.000 Remember that dude who had those late night commercials?

02:02:23.000 The weight loss secrets they don't want you to know about.

02:02:25.000 Kevin Trudeau?

02:02:26.000 Remember that Kevin Trudeau guy?

02:02:28.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:02:28.000 That guy made a fucking grip of money ripping people off and vanished. 0.99

02:02:34.000 And he went to jail. 1.00

02:02:36.000 He went to jail, but the money vanished.

02:02:38.000 He's claiming he doesn't know where any of it is.

02:02:40.000 And so they lock him up.

02:02:42.000 They're going to lock him up for like 10 years. 0.99

02:02:44.000 But then once he gets out, that guy's going to get in a fucking raft. 0.99

02:02:47.000 He's going to pedal out to the middle of the ocean, get picked up by a yacht, and swept off to Costa Rica or wherever the fuck he's got that money hidden. 0.99

02:02:54.000 A lot of these really rich dudes, they figure out a way to preserve as much of that money as possible. 0.99

02:03:02.000 That's why a guy like Bernie Sanders comes along and they fucking freak out. 0.99

02:03:06.000 They go, shut him up! 1.00

02:03:08.000 Shut him up! 1.00

02:03:10.000 What the fuck is he saying? 1.00

02:03:11.000 He wants more people to pay how much? 0.99

02:03:14.000 And then there's rates... 0.94

02:03:16.000 He was in favor of like, say if you make a certain amount a year, like if you make more than 15 million dollars a year, let's just make up a number, then every dollar over that, they could tax you by like some stupid amount. 0.84

02:03:27.000 Wasn't it like 90%? 0.90

02:03:28.000 90%, yeah.

02:03:30.000 Yeah.

02:03:31.000 And he said he didn't think that was too much.

02:03:34.000 The idea is you shouldn't be winning the game that much.

02:03:38.000 The game is about money.

02:03:40.000 And the idea is, well, we should probably control how much money people make.

02:03:44.000 Because it shouldn't be just about money.

02:03:45.000 It should be about productivity, how much you contribute...

02:03:48.000 It shouldn't be that you figure out how to move numbers around in some accounts, and because of that you've made three billion dollars.

02:03:56.000 Like, what have you done?

02:03:57.000 What have you actually contributed to society?

02:03:59.000 You've figured out some weird little loopholes and little sneaky ways you can move ones and zeros around on servers, and because of that you've made a billion dollars.

02:04:07.000 Like, so his idea is that that shouldn't be possible. 0.87

02:04:11.000 And that after, you know, it's not like you can't be rich, but everything after like 15 million dollars a year, you gotta fucking just give it all back. 0.52

02:04:19.000 People are not going to work that hard. 0.76

02:04:21.000 They're going to get to that 15 million dollars a year mark and they're going to slow it down and back it off.

02:04:25.000 Just go on vacation, yeah. 0.99

02:04:27.000 Well, it slows productivity because those crazy fucks, as dark as it is, they have to be watched. 1.00

02:04:33.000 There's got to be some regulation because greedy fucking people get greedy. 0.99

02:04:36.000 But if you don't have their ability to push it to the limit, if they don't have that ability, We'll have a lot less things that are new. 0.98

02:04:45.000 A lot less innovation. 0.98

02:04:46.000 There's going to be a lot less companies like Apple and companies where you buy awesome shit. 0.96

02:04:53.000 There's going to be a lot less of them. 0.97

02:04:56.000 People are not going to push that hard.

02:04:59.000 Because they're not going to get the benefits.

02:05:01.000 You get crazy benefits when you're some Elon Musk character.

02:05:05.000 When you've got billions and billions of dollars.

02:05:07.000 There's a crazy benefit to that. 0.89

02:05:09.000 Not just a benefit in terms of being a guy who's an innovator and someone who makes cool shit, but there's also benefits financially. 0.92

02:05:19.000 That guy lives in a castle, right? 0.98

02:05:20.000 He can do whatever the fuck he wants. 0.99

02:05:22.000 He flies around private jets. 0.96

02:05:24.000 If you're limiting people and limiting the amount of money they can make that drastically, you're going to lose a lot of those people.

02:05:30.000 It's not a good argument for going against sort of organizing wealth to the point where wealth distribution, but it's the reality of human nature.

02:05:43.000 You know, people aren't going to work that hard if they can't make a grip of money.

02:05:47.000 They want to make fat cash, Joey Deans!

02:05:53.000 I put a box of two million dollars and I leave it to you. 1.00

02:05:55.000 At the fucking wake, my wife gives you two million dollars. 1.00

02:05:59.000 I have to pay. 1.00

02:06:00.000 Would you?

02:06:00.000 Have to.

02:06:01.000 Why?

02:06:02.000 Because you go to jail.

02:06:03.000 How would they find out?

02:06:04.000 Are you chewing gum?

02:06:04.000 Yeah.

02:06:05.000 Don't do that.

02:06:05.000 How would they find out?

02:06:07.000 They're gonna find out because I have two million dollars all of a sudden.

02:06:09.000 No they're not.

02:06:10.000 What am I gonna do with the money?

02:06:11.000 Just keep it in a bag?

02:06:12.000 No.

02:06:13.000 But you know, money has like, like, they could find out.

02:06:17.000 But if they, see, here's the thing.

02:06:19.000 If they found out, you're going to jail.

02:06:22.000 You'd have to trust the person.

02:06:23.000 If you have two million dollars, listen, if you have two million dollars, and you go to jail, you would give that two million dollars back to get out of jail.

02:06:31.000 You would.

02:06:32.000 I know somebody who died and left a million cash.

02:06:34.000 He was an illegal type shady character.

02:06:36.000 The money went through three different places, now the sister's got it. 1.00

02:06:40.000 And she never paid taxes, she just came from Cuba. 1.00

02:06:43.000 Just spending a little bit here and there?

02:06:44.000 That's it.

02:06:45.000 If I gave you $2 million, the first thing you'd do is go to Lee.

02:06:49.000 Lee's got a restaurant on Ventura Boulevard.

02:06:52.000 Angelina's.

02:06:53.000 I don't know what he grosses out of there.

02:06:55.000 But you go to Lee and you go, I'm going to give you $100,000 a year.

02:06:58.000 You're going to pay me $60,000.

02:07:00.000 I'm not going to show up to work.

02:07:02.000 You're going to pay me $60,000 a year and get my money back. 0.99

02:07:04.000 And I'll pay taxes on that stupid amount. 0.98

02:07:09.000 That's an interesting way to do it. 0.99

02:07:11.000 Have like a no work job.

02:07:12.000 Yeah.

02:07:13.000 You have to pay somebody.

02:07:14.000 You keep 40. Well, you can't do it.

02:07:16.000 It's illegal.

02:07:16.000 40 grand.

02:07:17.000 Shut your fucking mouth. 1.00

02:07:19.000 Till the day I die. 1.00

02:07:21.000 So the day I die, you get an extra 40 off me just for doing the paperwork this much.

02:07:25.000 Well, that would work if you could do it that way.

02:07:27.000 There's ways to do it.

02:07:28.000 There's ways to do it. 0.98

02:07:29.000 Somebody leaves me two million fucking dollars that's not in the television industry. 0.98

02:07:33.000 This guy sold coke or whatever. 0.99

02:07:34.000 Here's the problem. 0.99

02:07:35.000 I ain't saying dick. 0.98

02:07:36.000 That person... 0.99

02:07:37.000 I ain't saying dick, dawg. 0.82

02:07:38.000 That person has to figure out a way to justify getting that money. 0.85

02:07:42.000 Like, where'd you get that hundred thousand dollars?

02:07:44.000 Where'd that go?

02:07:45.000 Nobody knows nothing.

02:07:45.000 Listen.

02:07:46.000 There's tons of people that have done shit. 1.00

02:07:49.000 You just said it yourself. 1.00

02:07:50.000 Listen.

02:07:50.000 You work hard for your money.

02:07:52.000 You're going to send money to some fucking Bahamian bank with two fucking guys with weapons holding your money. 1.00

02:07:59.000 Good fucking luck. 1.00

02:08:00.000 Nobody sends over 50 mil unless they got 50 mil hidden over here. 0.99

02:08:04.000 I wouldn't.

02:08:05.000 I wouldn't. 0.99

02:08:06.000 You see what happened to Johnny Depp in that movie he did with the Coke when he went back down and the Panamanian government took his fucking money. 0.98

02:08:13.000 It took $250 million from him. 0.99

02:08:15.000 Blow.

02:08:16.000 That happens all the time. 1.00

02:08:18.000 That happens all the fucking time. 1.00

02:08:19.000 Those Swiss bank accounts? 1.00

02:08:20.000 You trust somebody with your fucking ten million dollars over there? 1.00

02:08:23.000 Really? 1.00

02:08:24.000 For me to put ten million dollars twelve hours from me?

02:08:27.000 I gotta have ten million dollars close by, too. 0.98

02:08:32.000 There's gotta be, I know a thousand, you know, when they watch Narcos, those fucking Panamanians, whatever they were, they were making so much money, they were burying it. 1.00

02:08:42.000 Columbians. 1.00

02:08:43.000 Burying it.

02:08:43.000 Yeah.

02:08:43.000 Like it was seeds.

02:08:44.000 Yeah.

02:08:45.000 Like, we'll just plant the money tree.

02:08:46.000 They had to figure out where to put it.

02:08:48.000 Weren't they saying he spent $2,500 a month on rubber bands for it or something crazy?

02:08:51.000 $2,500 on rubber bands. 1.00

02:08:52.000 What do you do with that shit? 1.00

02:08:53.000 You know how many millions of dollars... 1.00

02:08:56.000 2,500 is what I saw.

02:08:59.000 On rubber bands.

02:09:00.000 One time he burnt a million dollars just to stay warm.

02:09:04.000 Jesus Christ.

02:09:05.000 It was cold that night.

02:09:06.000 He just put money in the thing, lit it, just to stay warm.

02:09:10.000 I wonder what keeps a guy like that.

02:09:11.000 Here's a perfect example.

02:09:12.000 I mean, it's obviously drug dealing and not capitalism.

02:09:16.000 But what keeps a guy pushing when he's making that much money?

02:09:19.000 What keeps the empire going?

02:09:20.000 What keeps a guy from Virgin American?

02:09:21.000 What keeps an American? 0.99

02:09:23.000 What keeps Trump building and making millions of fucking dollars? 0.99

02:09:26.000 Yeah, what is it? 0.99

02:09:26.000 Power. 0.99

02:09:27.000 Right.

02:09:28.000 It's got to be three of the seven.

02:09:30.000 Yeah, you were speaking about addiction to drama earlier.

02:09:33.000 It seems like it would probably be the same thing.

02:09:36.000 That, listen, that...

02:09:38.000 Rats ate one billion dollars of Pablo Escobar's profits each year.

02:09:45.000 He was earning so much a year we'd write off 10% of the money because rats would eat it in storage or be damaged by water or lost. 1.00

02:09:52.000 Holy shit. 0.99

02:09:54.000 Cartel spent 25, yeah, rubber bands to hold the money together. 1.00

02:09:58.000 Oh my God.

02:09:59.000 Those are crazy stats.

02:10:01.000 But the thing about Escobar is he made more money than he could ever possibly spend, and yet he kept working.

02:10:06.000 He kept wanting that money to come in.

02:10:08.000 He kept working, and from the little I've seen, people loved him there.

02:10:13.000 Yeah.

02:10:13.000 Because he would build soccer stadiums and do all that.

02:10:15.000 I think that's part of the reason why people get annoyed with Trump or whoever you want to say here, because it doesn't seem like they're doing anything.

02:10:21.000 Well, it's also that thing when you're selling drugs.

02:10:23.000 You get locked up in a business like Escobar was where he had so much power and so much drugs he was selling.

02:10:29.000 You don't want to give that power to somebody else.

02:10:31.000 So once you've got that whole thing down and you're making all that money, you must be incredibly reluctant to give that up.

02:10:37.000 I mean, think about how long it took him to put together the network to make the kind of money that he was making towards the end.

02:10:45.000 Very reluctant to just hand that over to somebody else because the business is always going to be there.

02:10:49.000 The demand's always going to be there.

02:10:51.000 The supply's always going to be there.

02:10:53.000 Like, who's making these transactions?

02:10:55.000 You just have to give it to somebody else. 1.00

02:10:57.000 And then plus you'd open yourself up to all these other fucking drug dealers becoming just as crazy as you were when you're coked up and nuts. 1.00

02:11:05.000 He... 1.00

02:11:05.000 I read one of his books. 1.00

02:11:06.000 I read one of the books by a Colombian journalist.

02:11:09.000 Like, I just don't read any author.

02:11:11.000 This guy was referred to me.

02:11:13.000 This guy really worked in the trenches.

02:11:15.000 He was an amazing... 0.99

02:11:17.000 Like, he could have ran any CEO fucking 500 company. 0.98

02:11:22.000 And outshone him with a third grade education. 0.99

02:11:24.000 What did he have?

02:11:25.000 He knew.

02:11:26.000 He knew what he had.

02:11:28.000 He knew the price.

02:11:29.000 He knew how to buy people off.

02:11:32.000 And he knew how to speak. 1.00

02:11:33.000 Like, he was a fucking Yahoo. 0.99

02:11:35.000 Like, if you looked at him in the street and I go, that guy makes six million an hour. 0.99

02:11:38.000 You go, Joey.

02:11:39.000 Look at his belt buckle.

02:11:41.000 Look at his belt buckle.

02:11:42.000 He's got a belt buckle this big.

02:11:45.000 But the guy made so much money.

02:11:48.000 I knew a guy that was making six million every six weeks.

02:11:51.000 Six million every six weeks.

02:11:53.000 Did I know him personally?

02:11:54.000 No.

02:11:55.000 But I knew him on site.

02:11:56.000 I knew what he did.

02:11:57.000 What is he doing?

02:11:58.000 What do you think he was doing?

02:11:59.000 He wasn't even looking at the coke.

02:12:03.000 You understand me?

02:12:04.000 Wasn't even looking at it.

02:12:05.000 It was coming from Columbia.

02:12:07.000 It would land in Denver.

02:12:08.000 And from Denver, he would ship it to Milwaukee, Hawaii, and all the states surrounding it.

02:12:14.000 And how would he ship it?

02:12:15.000 Trucks.

02:12:16.000 White people with a family.

02:12:19.000 Put it in the trunk of a car and we're going skiing. 1.00

02:12:23.000 Meanwhile, while you're going skiing, you got 25 fucking pounds. 0.99

02:12:27.000 Wow. 1.00

02:12:27.000 In the back of your truck. 1.00

02:12:28.000 You don't even see it.

02:12:29.000 And so you go somewhere, you meet somebody, you hand it off.

02:12:32.000 You don't even hand it off.

02:12:34.000 Just give them the car. 0.66

02:12:37.000 It's like a movie.

02:12:38.000 It's like a Johnny Depp movie.

02:12:39.000 Just give them the car. 0.99

02:12:40.000 You see all this Johnny Depp shit that's going on in the news? 0.99

02:12:43.000 Johnny Depp and his girl, Doug Stanhope wrote an article. 1.00

02:12:45.000 It's scary.

02:12:46.000 Yeah.

02:12:47.000 Well, it's one of two things, right?

02:12:50.000 Either Johnny Depp really beat up his girlfriend or his girlfriend is lying and saying that Johnny Depp beat him up and Stanhope and his girlfriend saw it the whole time.

02:12:58.000 That's Stanhope's version of it.

02:12:59.000 I trust Stanhope.

02:13:00.000 I trust him very well.

02:13:02.000 I trust Stanhope about as much as anybody I know.

02:13:05.000 So if he says that, that she was manipulating him and that she was going to...

02:13:09.000 She had said and he was worried that she was going to do this...

02:13:14.000 Yeah.

02:13:14.000 Johnny Depp is being blackmailed by Amber Heard.

02:13:16.000 Here's how I know.

02:13:17.000 Guest column.

02:13:18.000 Doug Stanhope, the rap.

02:13:20.000 Bunch of people got upset at me for tweeting that.

02:13:23.000 It's because you're not supposed to take a side.

02:13:29.000 And if you do take a side, you have to take the woman's side because the woman could potentially be actually getting abused. 0.99

02:13:35.000 Did he get arrested?

02:13:36.000 I don't think so.

02:13:37.000 The cops came and I think they found no evidence of...

02:13:40.000 Do you know what happens when the cops come and there's an argument now?

02:13:43.000 Yeah, they take you away.

02:13:43.000 It's not good.

02:13:44.000 Yeah, they take the man away.

02:13:45.000 No, he wasn't there.

02:13:46.000 He fled the scene.

02:13:48.000 Did he?

02:13:48.000 Yeah, he fled the scene.

02:13:49.000 But if there was a problem...

02:13:51.000 They would have come and got him. 0.99

02:13:53.000 Even with the pictures, if there was pictures and shit's broken, now because of OJ, you have to. 0.99

02:14:00.000 Especially in LA. Especially in LA. But it's weird how many people automatically assume that he was beating her up. 0.99

02:14:12.000 Why is it that someone wants to pick a side?

02:14:16.000 Is it like to show that you're a good person and you side with the woman always?

02:14:21.000 Is that what it is?

02:14:22.000 Like, what's going on?

02:14:23.000 Why do people pretend that some people aren't manipulative?

02:14:28.000 That some people are manipulative?

02:14:30.000 And we know that, right?

02:14:31.000 We know some people are manipulative.

02:14:33.000 We know some people lie.

02:14:34.000 We know some people set people up.

02:14:35.000 We know some people blackmail people.

02:14:36.000 We know that's real.

02:14:37.000 But how come when it's a girl, we all of a sudden go, well, I can't think that way.

02:14:42.000 Man, I can't believe you're supporting a wife beater.

02:14:44.000 Like, Were you there?

02:14:46.000 She had a scar over her eye.

02:14:48.000 She got a restraining on her.

02:14:50.000 I just can't figure out why they didn't arrest him.

02:14:53.000 Yeah, maybe he's got recordings or something.

02:14:56.000 Maybe he knows something.

02:14:57.000 But he definitely has a bunch of witnesses saying that Johnny Depp was worried about it before it ever happened.

02:15:02.000 First of all, Joe Rogan, they live in a creepy life.

02:15:05.000 Creepy?

02:15:06.000 How so?

02:15:07.000 They don't live in a real life, Joe Rogan.

02:15:10.000 I love Johnny Depp.

02:15:12.000 He's done some great movies, but any of those actors at that level, you just had a, you just said a, you were talking about, I just saw a clip where you told me personally about you went to Naomi Campbell's party. 0.99

02:15:24.000 How is that different from your fucking birthday party? 0.98

02:15:26.000 Wait, first of all, I know you're 20 years. 1.00

02:15:28.000 I don't have birthday parties.

02:15:29.000 You don't have birthday parties.

02:15:30.000 Okay, that's no problem.

02:15:31.000 What gives you the right?

02:15:33.000 You ever see these, you ever get an invite to like, Thursday night at 7, Cafe Landois.

02:15:38.000 Right.

02:15:38.000 You know, bring a gift.

02:15:39.000 We're gonna have dinner. 1.00

02:15:40.000 Listen, I wouldn't go to your fucking birthday party if you were blowing firecrackers out of your ass, because that's not me. 1.00

02:15:45.000 That's not the world I'm from. 1.00

02:15:47.000 Once you're 15 and you get roller skates, birthdays are over. 1.00

02:15:52.000 You get a kiss and a blowjob from your wife. 1.00

02:15:54.000 I don't even give a fuck about a cake anymore. 1.00

02:15:56.000 You follow what I'm saying? 0.98

02:15:57.000 You went to a birthday party, okay? 1.00

02:16:00.000 When you live in that realm of stardom, think of what fucking Jada Pinkett and that black dude. 1.00

02:16:06.000 What's his name? 0.99

02:16:06.000 Will Smith. 0.99

02:16:07.000 If they lived in Philadelphia with that son of theirs, they would have put that motherfucker... 1.00

02:16:12.000 You ever seen the pilot of Empire? 1.00

02:16:14.000 No, you didn't.

02:16:15.000 No.

02:16:15.000 Pilot of Empire has something very interesting that nobody caught in this country.

02:16:19.000 Nobody said nothing. 0.80

02:16:20.000 The Pilot of Empire, the black dude. 0.98

02:16:23.000 Terrence Howard? 0.98

02:16:24.000 It's lonely with a pimp, whatever. 0.99

02:16:26.000 There's a scene in there where the young kid that's gay comes out with ladies' shoes on. 0.97

02:16:31.000 And he's writing a lyric to a rap song like, yeah.

02:16:35.000 He sees the kid.

02:16:37.000 He picks him up and he puts him in the garbage can.

02:16:41.000 Did you know that?

02:16:42.000 No, I didn't know that.

02:16:43.000 And he runs in and they're like, what'd you do? 1.00

02:16:44.000 And he goes, fuck that motherfucker. 1.00

02:16:46.000 I ain't gonna have no faggots living in my fucking house and all this shit. 1.00

02:16:49.000 When I came from Cuba, the first family I encountered before the DiLorenzos was a black family. 1.00

02:16:54.000 They didn't say the word nigger in the house.

02:16:56.000 This is the 70s. 0.82

02:16:58.000 And you couldn't even talk about a gay relative. 1.00

02:17:01.000 That's why I always knew that gay guys in the NFL and the NBA, that shit ain't gonna work, though. 1.00

02:17:08.000 That shit's never gonna work. 1.00

02:17:09.000 It's like a hidden thing. 1.00

02:17:11.000 But remember when they first introduced the gay basketball player in the NBA? People were jumping up for joy.

02:17:17.000 Not those brothers. 1.00

02:17:18.000 Those brothers were on the phone with the general manager going, listen, this shit's deep-rooted. 1.00

02:17:22.000 I don't want no gay motherfucker in my thing. 1.00

02:17:24.000 I don't care if he's black or not. 1.00

02:17:26.000 A lot of people can't say that in public. 0.95

02:17:30.000 People can't talk what we really like anymore, dog. 1.00

02:17:32.000 People just say shit just to fucking say it. 1.00

02:17:35.000 We don't come from that fake world, man. 1.00

02:17:38.000 We haven't been sucked into that Hollywood world.

02:17:41.000 We won't allow it.

02:17:42.000 We won't allow it.

02:17:43.000 We're having a Hollywood party.

02:17:46.000 What?

02:17:48.000 I don't even go to premieres.

02:17:50.000 I don't want to know nothing.

02:17:51.000 Anywhere where I see people kissing cheeks twice, I don't want to be there.

02:17:55.000 You understand me?

02:17:56.000 Because I don't need to be there.

02:17:57.000 So they come from a different world, Joe Rogan. 0.99

02:18:00.000 What they see as reality and fucking what's going on is not really going on because they've sucked in. 1.00

02:18:06.000 How many times have you been on the set and what you're looking at is dog shit? 1.00

02:18:10.000 And they're laughing. 1.00

02:18:11.000 Fake laughing.

02:18:12.000 Fake laughing.

02:18:13.000 That's not the world I came from.

02:18:15.000 The producer fake laugh, that's a real thing.

02:18:17.000 That's real.

02:18:18.000 I heard they have to keep you up, build you up.

02:18:22.000 So on the 30th take, that was hilarious.

02:18:24.000 No, it wasn't.

02:18:26.000 I know.

02:18:26.000 How about I come to your house and tell you the same jokes 30 times?

02:18:29.000 Same joke, word for word.

02:18:31.000 You're going to be giggling?

02:18:31.000 No, you're not.

02:18:32.000 Don't do this to me.

02:18:33.000 Don't do this to me. 1.00

02:18:34.000 You've got to assume these people are living in this fucking world. 1.00

02:18:38.000 She was on the phone with her friend, and she called for her friend to dial 911 and all this shit. 1.00

02:18:46.000 You know, who the fuck knows Joe? 0.99

02:18:48.000 We weren't there. 0.99

02:18:50.000 We don't know.

02:18:50.000 He don't have a prenup.

02:18:52.000 60% he's gonna lose. 1.00

02:18:53.000 Why do you get yourself in these predicaments, you fucking asshole? 1.00

02:18:57.000 We're not getting your dick sucked, stabbing a bitch, and dropping him off in the 170. Does Johnny Depp have a prenup? 1.00

02:19:03.000 I suppose he doesn't, and California is a 60% state.

02:19:07.000 Wait a minute.

02:19:08.000 Please tell me Johnny Depp has a prenup.

02:19:11.000 Then you know he's on drugs.

02:19:13.000 If he didn't have...

02:19:16.000 We'll find out here.

02:19:17.000 If he didn't have a prenup, he was on drugs.

02:19:19.000 Has there been anything before?

02:19:21.000 Like, I've never heard Johnny Depp hit a girl or...

02:19:23.000 No.

02:19:23.000 No, his ex-wife said it's preposterous.

02:19:25.000 It's not in him.

02:19:26.000 Doug Stanhope said it's not him.

02:19:27.000 Doug Stanhope's actually good friends with him.

02:19:29.000 He says the guy's like, the last thing he would do is hit somebody.

02:19:32.000 Just doesn't have it in him.

02:19:34.000 It's not that guy.

02:19:34.000 It's not like an aggressive guy.

02:19:37.000 Well, at the other hand, something else happened.

02:19:39.000 His mother died.

02:19:40.000 Yep.

02:19:40.000 A week before.

02:19:41.000 Now, let's talk about a death.

02:19:43.000 A death takes a while to sink in, but the first 25 days, my friend, you know.

02:19:49.000 Well, Stanhope talked about it in the actual interview.

02:19:52.000 Oh my god.

02:19:53.000 The pair did not have a prenup.

02:19:56.000 15 months, that's it?

02:19:58.000 The Soherd benefits from California law, which guarantees her a minimum of one half of however much their combined worth increased during their 15 months together.

02:20:08.000 Huh.

02:20:09.000 Forbes listed death as the 12th richest actor of 2015, a net worth of $400 million.

02:20:17.000 It looks like we're going to see Pirates of the Caribbean 6, 7, 8, and 9. Oh my god.

02:20:22.000 During his marriage to her, Depp got an estimated $61 million to appear in the $170 million Alice Through the Looking Glass.

02:20:33.000 And $40 million to star in Black Mass, where he won raves playing Boston gangster Whitey Bulger. 1.00

02:20:38.000 Holy fucking shit. 1.00

02:20:41.000 Oh my god, you dumb motherfucker. 1.00

02:20:44.000 What do you do when you walk to the bank with a $40 million check? 1.00

02:20:48.000 They don't even put you in the regular line.

02:20:49.000 What Stanhope said, you don't go to a bank.

02:20:51.000 It's all done wireless.

02:20:53.000 But when Stanhope was talking to him, he was saying that his mother, like, obviously troubled him badly when he died, but that this was as bad as that.

02:21:03.000 This was, like, looming over him.

02:21:04.000 He knew that he was going to get blackmailed.

02:21:06.000 He knew that she was going after him.

02:21:08.000 She had some demands, and unless he met him, she said she was going to go to the press.

02:21:14.000 Look, man, he's an older dude.

02:21:16.000 He's like 52. She's young and hot. 0.71

02:21:19.000 And obviously, if Doug and Johnny Depp are telling the truth...

02:21:24.000 She's manipulative. 0.98

02:21:25.000 And some people are really good actors, man.

02:21:28.000 They're really good at pretending they love you.

02:21:29.000 And when you're a guy who's like a celebrity to the extent of Johnny Depp, he hasn't been not famous for more than 30 years.

02:21:36.000 So for all that time, he's had weird interactions with people where he's not exactly sure where they're coming from.

02:21:43.000 It's never balanced.

02:21:44.000 It's always he's Johnny Depp.

02:21:46.000 At the end of the day, he's Johnny Depp.

02:21:47.000 That's what I'm saying.

02:21:47.000 It's a different head, bro.

02:21:49.000 But the fact that he was willing to marry her and not sign a prenup is horrible.

02:21:54.000 Hilarious!

02:21:55.000 That's hilarious.

02:21:57.000 It's called ether. 1.00

02:21:58.000 The ether pussy? 1.00

02:21:59.000 No, they're living in ether. 1.00

02:22:01.000 They're under the ether, child. 1.00

02:22:03.000 Pussy. 1.00

02:22:04.000 No, no. 1.00

02:22:05.000 It's like that Nas song.

02:22:06.000 When you're under that, can you imagine if I came to you every day and told you you were a brilliant actor? 1.00

02:22:12.000 There's that, and then there's the pussy. 1.00

02:22:14.000 You're not looking hot. 1.00

02:22:14.000 Remember how hot she is? 1.00

02:22:15.000 You've seen how hot she is. 1.00

02:22:16.000 Oh, she's beautiful.

02:22:17.000 She's stunning.

02:22:18.000 That's the ether.

02:22:19.000 That's the real ether.

02:22:20.000 It's ether.

02:22:21.000 It's both of them.

02:22:21.000 It's ether.

02:22:22.000 It's the whole... 1.00

02:22:22.000 Bro, you live in this fucking bubble, man. 1.00

02:22:25.000 You know, everybody wants to come to LA to be a star. 1.00

02:22:29.000 There's so much that comes with that bubble.

02:22:31.000 Meanwhile, she should have just taken a divorce. 1.00

02:22:34.000 Why does she have to slap him around? 0.99

02:22:35.000 Just say, I don't want to do this anymore.

02:22:37.000 That's all she says and she's making millions, right?

02:22:39.000 Well, it's only 15 months.

02:22:40.000 Do you think there's a lot of hot girls, especially in this town, who their entire plan is just to land a rich guy, marry him for a year, and then just leave him? 1.00

02:22:50.000 No, but let me tell you something.

02:22:52.000 If that girl was smart and she looked at her attractiveness as a career and marrying rich dudes, there's a lot of value in being broken up with Johnny Depp. 0.99

02:23:03.000 Like, if she breaks up with him and she makes, like, fucking... 0.97

02:23:06.000 Look, if he's worth that much money, she's getting 10 million, right? 0.99

02:23:10.000 She's getting 10 million, at least, right?

02:23:12.000 Yeah.

02:23:13.000 Right, okay.

02:23:14.000 So she gets the 10 million, she relaxes, and other rich dudes come in and try to scoop her up, because it's Johnny Depp's former ex-wife.

02:23:21.000 Or, current ex-wife.

02:23:24.000 Yeah, they have a lot of those.

02:23:25.000 They go from celebrity to celebrity.

02:23:29.000 Jacqueline Kennedy went to Onassis.

02:23:31.000 That's a big bang.

02:23:32.000 If you want to get dark, you just go to the next.

02:23:35.000 You just go to the next. 1.00

02:23:36.000 Mick Jagger's wife just married fucking somebody who's got... 1.00

02:23:39.000 Tons of cash. 1.00

02:23:40.000 Like I said.

02:23:41.000 What's his name?

02:23:42.000 I don't know.

02:23:43.000 Who did Jerry Hall just married? 0.70

02:23:45.000 I don't know.

02:23:46.000 Like she's 61 or something.

02:23:48.000 Or 57. She's a big... 1.00

02:23:50.000 Rupert Murdoch?

02:23:51.000 Yeah!

02:23:52.000 Wait a minute.

02:23:52.000 Jerry Hall married Rupert Murdoch?

02:23:54.000 Yeah!

02:23:54.000 I thought Rupert Murdoch had a hot little Chinese boy.

02:23:56.000 That was last week.

02:23:59.000 Hold on a second.

02:24:00.000 Scroll up and explain.

02:24:01.000 59. My beautiful family.

02:24:04.000 Jerry Hall, 59, posts photo with her and her new husband, Rupert Murdoch, 85, surrounded by their children on their wedding day.

02:24:11.000 Please expand that picture much larger.

02:24:13.000 What kind of dark prostitution are we looking at here? 1.00

02:24:18.000 This is dark. 0.95

02:24:19.000 This is like sorcery.

02:24:20.000 This is so strange.

02:24:22.000 I mean, she can't even possibly pretend that he's attractive.

02:24:25.000 That's like her dad, man.

02:24:28.000 She was married to Mick Jagger, and he told her the wedding wasn't null and void because they got married on an island.

02:24:33.000 That chick is in shock. 1.00

02:24:35.000 He pulled the fucking Johnny Louie on her. 1.00

02:24:38.000 See, for a guy like Rupert Murdoch, that's a prize. 1.00

02:24:40.000 See, look, he's got a bunch of Chinese kids.

02:24:42.000 See, his kids are like half Chinese. 0.96

02:24:44.000 That's the ex-wife. 1.00

02:24:44.000 That's the last one he jettisoned. 1.00

02:24:46.000 She talked too much.

02:24:48.000 She didn't bow hard enough.

02:24:50.000 I still see your face when you bow!

02:24:54.000 Find out what happened.

02:24:55.000 Why am I TMZ and Rupert Murdoch?

02:24:58.000 But he had some hot wife before that. 1.00

02:25:00.000 Jerry Hall.

02:25:01.000 Good luck.

02:25:02.000 But my point was that I really think that This lady, if she just divorced him, but I guess she wanted a lot of money. 1.00

02:25:09.000 She might have been greedy. 1.00

02:25:10.000 She might have been angry at him.

02:25:12.000 You know, who knows?

02:25:14.000 I think it'd be more than 10, because it was half of what they made in that year, and they said he got paid 40 and 60, so that's 50 million.

02:25:20.000 No, it's half of what his money increased by.

02:25:25.000 Okay, so that's different than what you made?

02:25:27.000 Pull that up again so we get a look at it.

02:25:28.000 I'm pretty sure that's what it says.

02:25:29.000 I think it said half of what it, like, say if he made $20 million one year and then $30 million with her.

02:25:34.000 Got it.

02:25:35.000 Half of that 10. Oh, so she don't get half of the $400 million?

02:25:39.000 Guarantees her a minimum of one half of however much their combined worth increased during their 15 months together.

02:25:47.000 So, she made $10 more that year, and Johnny made $50 million more.

02:25:52.000 Yeah, it's madness, man.

02:25:54.000 I mean, she got them.

02:25:56.000 I've met girls like that, man. 0.94

02:25:58.000 They're coyotes.

02:25:59.000 They're strange.

02:26:00.000 They stand outside your fence and they howl.

02:26:03.000 And they're vicious, man.

02:26:04.000 And there's girls like that, and there's guys like that, right?

02:26:07.000 There's guys that are roofier girls drink. 1.00

02:26:09.000 And rape her. 1.00

02:26:10.000 There's guys that'll rip a girl's bank account off. 1.00

02:26:13.000 There's guys that are creepy fucks, right? 1.00

02:26:14.000 Well, there's girls that are creepy fucks, too. 1.00

02:26:16.000 There's human beings that suck. 1.00

02:26:18.000 And we have to be aware on both sides. 1.00

02:26:20.000 There's human beings that do devious shit. 0.99

02:26:23.000 And just because it's a girl doesn't mean she's not gonna do stuff like that. 1.00

02:26:27.000 Believe me.

02:26:28.000 My friend was killed by a girl.

02:26:29.000 Phil Hartman was shot in his sleep by a woman.

02:26:33.000 People are dark. 1.00

02:26:35.000 They do dark shit. 1.00

02:26:36.000 Men and women. 1.00

02:26:37.000 And the idea that you're going to go on one side or another...

02:26:39.000 I retweeted that article not because I believe 100% that that's what happened, but because Doug Stanhope's my brother.

02:26:46.000 So if Doug Stanhope puts something like that out there, I help him promote that.

02:26:51.000 I help other people read his work.

02:26:53.000 It's not an endorsement, but it's 100%.

02:26:56.000 I will trust Doug Stanhope's opinion on things before I will take some...

02:27:02.000 Actress lady's word on what happened. 0.97

02:27:04.000 I would trust at least Doug's opinion that Johnny was at least saying that he was gonna get blackmailed.

02:27:12.000 But who knows?

02:27:13.000 He might have been smacking around.

02:27:14.000 Yesterday.

02:27:14.000 Didn't want anybody to know.

02:27:16.000 I'm minding my business.

02:27:20.000 I ain't bothering nobody.

02:27:21.000 I'm watching the baby.

02:27:22.000 It's 4.30.

02:27:23.000 Did I tell you about this, Lee?

02:27:24.000 No.

02:27:24.000 I heard a knock on the door.

02:27:25.000 I never opened my door.

02:27:27.000 You can knock on my door all you want.

02:27:29.000 If you don't call me, I don't open the door.

02:27:31.000 I just sit there and watch TV. I'm one of those motherfuckers. 1.00

02:27:35.000 Unless you call me and say I'm coming over, I don't open the door for anybody. 1.00

02:27:39.000 I've been doing that for 30 years.

02:27:41.000 I don't know nothing.

02:27:42.000 But the baby was like, Daddy, somebody's at the door. 0.99

02:27:44.000 I'm like, God damn it. 0.98

02:27:47.000 I opened the door. 0.99

02:27:48.000 Three women at my door. 0.99

02:27:49.000 Two of them are cockeyed.

02:27:50.000 I swear to God, I'm not even trying to be funny.

02:27:52.000 They're from the Church of Latter-day Saints.

02:27:55.000 Okay, how you doing?

02:27:56.000 I go, listen, I'm not into this stuff, but my wife is.

02:27:59.000 My wife isn't into Mormons.

02:28:01.000 I just said that so I could get off the hook.

02:28:02.000 I'm feeling the baby.

02:28:04.000 If you want to come back in 30 minutes, the girl goes, I'm really thirsty.

02:28:07.000 Can I get a glass of water or a water bottle?

02:28:12.000 You know what, man?

02:28:13.000 That's how they get you in.

02:28:14.000 That's a tactic. 1.00

02:28:15.000 I close the fucking door. 1.00

02:28:17.000 You know me. 1.00

02:28:18.000 I don't give a fuck. 1.00

02:28:18.000 Hold on one second. 1.00

02:28:19.000 I close the door.

02:28:21.000 My wife is from Tennessee. 1.00

02:28:22.000 She saves those fucking bottles and fills them up with water and takes them to yoga. 1.00

02:28:26.000 I throw them away. 1.00

02:28:27.000 What are we, white trash? 1.00

02:28:28.000 I throw these things away. 1.00

02:28:29.000 Once they're done, they're done. 1.00

02:28:30.000 My wife saves them and puts them in the freezer for headaches and shit. 0.98

02:28:33.000 So I went to get one of those and there was no bottles. 0.99

02:28:36.000 So I give her a glass of water.

02:28:38.000 She takes off.

02:28:39.000 Now I'm running against the clock. 1.00

02:28:41.000 These three little Mormon bitches are going to come back. 1.00

02:28:43.000 My wife walks in. 1.00

02:28:44.000 I go, let me go outside and get her. 1.00

02:28:46.000 Do you know they stole my pipe?

02:28:47.000 When they asked me to get the water, they stole my pot pipe from the balcony.

02:28:51.000 Nobody else was on that balcony.

02:28:52.000 The water guy comes on that balcony and he sees the pipe.

02:28:55.000 I don't leave weed out there. 0.98

02:28:56.000 I'm not that stupid. 0.98

02:28:57.000 I just leave the pipe with the cleaner. 0.96

02:28:58.000 The pipe My wife was there and Juana came, the lady who takes care of Mercy. 1.00

02:29:04.000 They didn't steal a fucking... 1.00

02:29:05.000 The Mormons stole my pipe. 1.00

02:29:07.000 Let me tell you something. 1.00

02:29:08.000 I got in that car and hunted those three little cockeyed bitches down all over. 1.00

02:29:11.000 I couldn't find them. 0.99

02:29:12.000 They never came back.

02:29:13.000 They stole my pot pipe.

02:29:15.000 Do you think they stole it because they were just stealing things, or do you think they stole it because they didn't want you to be engaging in such horrible behavior, smoking marijuana while you're taking care of your child?

02:29:26.000 I wasn't smoking when I was taking care of the child.

02:29:28.000 I just always leave it out there.

02:29:29.000 It's always out there.

02:29:30.000 That's not what I mean.

02:29:30.000 I mean, like, you have one, you have a child, but you're still smoking marijuana.

02:29:34.000 Like, how dare you?

02:29:35.000 What are you doing with a pot pipe?

02:29:36.000 We need to take this from him.

02:29:38.000 Maybe they took it, but if they smoked it, they ain't cockeyed no more. 0.99

02:29:42.000 That two bitches ain't cockeyed no more. 1.00

02:29:45.000 She had holes in her feet and her shoes. 1.00

02:29:47.000 I'm sitting there going, what religion sends people to knock on doors on Memorial Day?

02:29:52.000 That's a guaranteed slam to the door to the face. 0.98

02:29:55.000 Didn't you have another one that he kept coming back?

02:29:57.000 Yeah, I had a Jehovah Witness.

02:29:59.000 I was stringing him along.

02:30:00.000 I was just having a good time with him.

02:30:01.000 I want to talk to you.

02:30:02.000 He caught me in a bad time.

02:30:03.000 Come back in an hour.

02:30:04.000 I see him lurking in front of my house.

02:30:06.000 I couldn't even go home.

02:30:08.000 I couldn't even go home.

02:30:09.000 I had him strung out for like four months, though.

02:30:12.000 Every time he come over, you know what?

02:30:14.000 I really want to talk to you.

02:30:15.000 Give me those pamphlets.

02:30:16.000 I'll call the number.

02:30:17.000 So some people must be happy that they come, right?

02:30:20.000 They must get some people like, oh, I've been really curious about this.

02:30:24.000 Please come on in.

02:30:24.000 Did you ever invite anybody in your home?

02:30:26.000 No.

02:30:27.000 In the whole existence?

02:30:27.000 One time a girl was selling cookies.

02:30:29.000 It was pretty hot.

02:30:31.000 Did you invite her in?

02:30:32.000 I invited her in.

02:30:32.000 And what happened?

02:30:33.000 Uh, nothing.

02:30:35.000 Nothing.

02:30:35.000 I didn't know how to close a deal back then.

02:30:37.000 I was like 21. Did you buy the cookies?

02:30:39.000 I think so.

02:30:40.000 I think I bought cookies.

02:30:41.000 I don't remember.

02:30:42.000 I just remember her being hot. 0.99

02:30:43.000 It's fucking crazy. 0.99

02:30:44.000 She probably smells a lot of cookies. 1.00

02:30:47.000 Knocking on people's doors.

02:30:48.000 Speaking about taxing, what about those religions that make you give like 10% to the church?

02:30:53.000 Oh, yeah.

02:30:53.000 Tithing.

02:30:53.000 On top of taxes?

02:30:55.000 Mm-hmm.

02:30:55.000 Tithing.

02:30:56.000 Oh, my God.

02:30:57.000 We had a guy on Fear Factor that won a million bucks.

02:31:00.000 You don't really win a million bucks because the government takes a big chunk and most people they take the one-time payment instead of like the 50 grand a year for the rest of your life that kind of thing but this guy before he did the stunt started talking in tongues He's, like, standing on this, like,

02:31:15.000 cliffside.

02:31:16.000 He's like...

02:31:16.000 They talk in a made-up nonsense language.

02:31:24.000 It, like, repeats the same sounds over and over and over again.

02:31:27.000 But this talking in tongues, he really believed it was, like, a religious experience and that God helped him win a million bucks.

02:31:34.000 I was going through a box of VHS's about a month ago, and I put one in, and it caught the beginning of a fear factor, like, on the second season. 0.99

02:31:44.000 And I watched like 15 minutes of it, and looking at it now, and knowing you, I don't know how the fuck you did that. 0.99

02:31:52.000 The show should have been, how long does it take till Joe Rogan fucks you up? 0.99

02:31:58.000 Remember when Tony Soprano used to beat people up? 0.91

02:32:01.000 Somebody would say something and he'd just throw a bottle and go over and start kicking it.

02:32:04.000 He beat up Georgie like four times.

02:32:06.000 Hilarious.

02:32:07.000 He knocked his eye out.

02:32:08.000 That's what the episode should have been like half the time.

02:32:11.000 In mid-sentence, you just start punching somebody. 0.97

02:32:15.000 Kicking them when they're on the phone. 1.00

02:32:16.000 What do you mean you don't want to eat the fucking eggs? 1.00

02:32:18.000 That's the next level of Fear Factor. 1.00

02:32:21.000 Go on there with Chris Lieben. 0.97

02:32:23.000 As the host, and every time you act up, they just beat the fuck out of you. 0.98

02:32:27.000 Like America's Ready.

02:32:28.000 See, Fear Factor was like everything else.

02:32:30.000 I don't know how you did it.

02:32:31.000 90% of the people were cool.

02:32:32.000 I think 90% of the people everywhere were cool.

02:32:34.000 Yeah, 90% of the people just having a good time.

02:32:36.000 Yeah, 90%. 0.87

02:32:37.000 There were some goofy contestants.

02:32:38.000 Oh yeah, one out of ten. 0.95

02:32:40.000 Probably.

02:32:40.000 And I know you would look at them and go, oh, the cameras weren't on.

02:32:44.000 As a grown man, it's the closest I've ever been to a street fight.

02:32:47.000 Oh, that one episode.

02:32:48.000 That one guy.

02:32:49.000 And if that wasn't there, if that was somewhere else, instead of like in front of cameras, I definitely would have strangled him.

02:32:57.000 100%.

02:32:57.000 Like, just the whole thing was like there was eight cameras around, all these people around, and I was like, I don't want to commit to hurting this guy.

02:33:04.000 But he's a dangerous fuck. 1.00

02:33:06.000 I'm like, that guy could totally sucker punch me. 1.00

02:33:09.000 He was so amped up and kept coming into my face, kept running towards me.

02:33:13.000 I pushed him away, ran towards me again.

02:33:15.000 I pushed him away, and I was like, okay, this is on.

02:33:18.000 I'm like, I'm not going to keep pushing this guy away.

02:33:21.000 I'm not going to take a chance at him doing something.

02:33:23.000 So I clamped onto him. 0.91

02:33:25.000 I was thinking of guillotining him or kneeing him in the face. 0.97

02:33:29.000 I was trying to think like I was like legally the guillotine would be a much smarter move because I have his head I'm definitely sure I could snap him down I know he's got no defense and if I hit him in the face it's probably gonna be ugly you know kneeing someone in the face is fucking devastating it's terrible it's terrible to do someone's face I got knee in the face once oh broke my nose my eyes got black and blue I had a headache for three fucking days After one knee. 0.99

02:34:00.000 One fucking knee straight on the nose. 0.99

02:34:02.000 Straight on the nose. 1.00

02:34:03.000 When people get that amped up that they want to fucking physically fight you. 1.00

02:34:07.000 People are so amped up they want to actually throw their fucking limbs at you. 0.99

02:34:12.000 Boy, everything's gotten so out the window. 0.99

02:34:14.000 And when you're that close, screaming at each other, like guys getting in your face, it's so close to a catastrophic injury.

02:34:22.000 Anybody that's that nuts, that's screaming at you inches from your face, all bets are off.

02:34:28.000 We're on safari rules here.

02:34:32.000 We're in jungle territory.

02:34:33.000 This is a very dangerous time.

02:34:35.000 If it wasn't for a lot of people being around in particular, if that happens and you're alone, imagine if you're alone in the woods with a guy who's screaming at you and getting in your face like that.

02:34:44.000 People die like that all the time.

02:34:46.000 People have a knife.

02:34:48.000 They're in that sort of a situation.

02:34:49.000 People stab people out of fear, just trying to be the one who doesn't get stabbed.

02:34:54.000 You think it's eventually going to get ugly.

02:34:57.000 Oof! 1.00

02:34:59.000 I had a situation with Joe Rogan.

02:35:00.000 I was so scared, but it made sense what people say that when sometimes it takes to get hit and the fear goes away.

02:35:09.000 Like my ex-wife got some guy with her boyfriend to jump me one time. 0.94

02:35:14.000 And they hit the dog with a 2x4.

02:35:16.000 And I think I got a little mad about that.

02:35:18.000 That they hit, his name was Hercules.

02:35:20.000 They hit him with a 2x4.

02:35:22.000 And when I ran downstairs, the guy hit me with a 2x4.

02:35:26.000 But he didn't really break my rib.

02:35:27.000 I just felt something and I could still swing and stuff.

02:35:31.000 And I was really scared and my heart was pumping. 0.99

02:35:33.000 But after I got my hands on him, And the pain went away like I was a different fucking person. 0.98

02:35:39.000 Like, his buddy hit me from behind, and he tripped, and he started running. 0.98

02:35:43.000 Once I took the first guy down, and I was scared shitless.

02:35:46.000 And the one guy was way bigger than me.

02:35:48.000 But I got so pissed about it.

02:35:49.000 Which one ran?

02:35:51.000 The guy with the stick.

02:35:52.000 The bigger guy or the littler guy?

02:35:54.000 The littler guy hit me with the stick. 0.96

02:35:56.000 And I don't know what I did.

02:35:57.000 I didn't know about singles or doubles.

02:35:59.000 I know nothing about that.

02:36:00.000 I'm not going to lie to nobody.

02:36:01.000 I was just so hot that I tackled him. 0.91

02:36:04.000 And I kept punching him, punching him, punching him, punching him. 0.94

02:36:06.000 And then I got away and I started kicking him. 0.85

02:36:09.000 And I just started stepping on him.

02:36:12.000 I started stepping on him, dog.

02:36:14.000 I didn't know what to do.

02:36:15.000 He was making weird noises.

02:36:17.000 And I went inside the house and I called a boulder cop who was off duty.

02:36:21.000 Who was a cool guy.

02:36:22.000 And I was prepared to go to jail.

02:36:24.000 Like I knew I had dust.

02:36:26.000 The guy was still outside on the ground?

02:36:27.000 Guy was on the ground. 1.00

02:36:28.000 I fucked him up. 1.00

02:36:29.000 I stepped on his ankle. 1.00

02:36:31.000 I fucked up his foot. 1.00

02:36:33.000 You know me, dog. 1.00

02:36:34.000 All that dirty shit. 1.00

02:36:35.000 I kicked him. 1.00

02:36:36.000 Before I went to call, I kicked him like three times in the balls just to really keep him down. 1.00

02:36:40.000 Like, I fucking kicked him with everything I had. 0.99

02:36:43.000 Because, listen, you want to hit me, that's one thing. 1.00

02:36:46.000 They hit that fucking dog. 1.00

02:36:47.000 You're not going to hit a dog in front of me. 1.00

02:36:50.000 Not in your fucking worst situation, especially my dog. 1.00

02:36:52.000 You're not going to hit my dog in front of you. 1.00

02:36:54.000 Well, a two by four.

02:36:55.000 And the other guy took off, and I'll never forget calling.

02:36:58.000 The guy's name was Durfee.

02:37:00.000 And he came, and he was 400 pounds.

02:37:02.000 Durfee.

02:37:03.000 Those big, fat cops. 0.94

02:37:04.000 Old boulder cop. 0.97

02:37:06.000 Never got out of his car, you know?

02:37:09.000 And I said, Durfee, you don't call the cops.

02:37:11.000 You know, I protected myself.

02:37:14.000 I maybe went a little bit overboard, you know.

02:37:17.000 And Durfee goes, call the cops.

02:37:19.000 This is beautiful.

02:37:20.000 Let's just wrap them up and drop them in front of the hospital. 1.00

02:37:24.000 And I was always a pussy. 1.00

02:37:26.000 I was never scared that night, like at all. 1.00

02:37:28.000 I think once that fucking 2x4 hit me, whatever the fuck hit me in the side, Well, there's the anticipation of violence is almost sometimes worse than the violence itself. 1.00

02:37:37.000 Because the anticipation of fight is what everybody's terrified of. 0.99

02:37:40.000 It's like, what could happen?

02:37:41.000 The unknown.

02:37:42.000 But once it's happening, it's not the unknown anymore.

02:37:45.000 And it's the, right, what's going on?

02:37:47.000 What's going on right now?

02:37:48.000 Like in, um, competing.

02:37:51.000 Once a fight starts, you don't feel the same fear.

02:37:56.000 Like, the real fear is the weigh-ins before the fight, like the announcements, walking to the ring, waiting in the locker room, all that.

02:38:06.000 That's the real fear.

02:38:07.000 When you're there and you're actually fighting, it's not a fear thing.

02:38:10.000 It's just you're so zoned into the moment.

02:38:13.000 You're so reacting.

02:38:15.000 So I would imagine that's probably the same thing with that. 0.99

02:38:17.000 It's just like the fear of a guy coming over and kicking your ass is way worse than actually being in a fight with the guy, especially if you know how to handle yourself. 0.98

02:38:25.000 It's like now I actually control something. 0.99

02:38:28.000 Something's going on here.

02:38:28.000 I can react.

02:38:29.000 I can move around with something that's actually going down.

02:38:32.000 Guys get addicted to that too, boy.

02:38:34.000 I'm very surprised I'm not really, really violent.

02:38:39.000 Like, I'm really surprised. 0.99

02:38:40.000 No, no, no, because they always blame shit on your childhood. 0.99

02:38:43.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:38:44.000 They always attach things to your childhood.

02:38:46.000 And I grew up around one of the most violent people I ever met in my life.

02:38:49.000 That's why I know fear. 0.99

02:38:51.000 Like, I know what fear is to be scared of somebody really fucking crazy. 0.98

02:38:55.000 There's a difference between getting smacked by... 0.99

02:38:58.000 It's your stepdad.

02:38:58.000 Yeah.

02:38:59.000 And his friends, the people he hung out with.

02:39:02.000 And I'm surprised I'm not more violent.

02:39:04.000 I don't shoot animals.

02:39:07.000 Well, you're a smart guy.

02:39:08.000 Well, you would never do that.

02:39:10.000 You've always been an animal lover, man.

02:39:12.000 But it's just weird that I didn't come out with that.

02:39:15.000 I don't believe in...

02:39:19.000 When did your violence stop, though?

02:39:20.000 Because you were still smacking people, I don't know, when?

02:39:25.000 No, my violence stopped when I got beat up. 0.99

02:39:28.000 That's when that violent mentality, when I realized that there's always somebody out there that's going to fuck you up. 0.98

02:39:33.000 And now, it's not like your mom. 0.99

02:39:35.000 It's not a controlled beating.

02:39:36.000 It's real.

02:39:38.000 You don't know what makes somebody punch you three times in the head and stop. 1.00

02:39:41.000 Isn't that interesting how that is, like, the answer that everybody always has to how many pussies there are out there that talk so much shit? 1.00

02:39:47.000 Like, there's a lot of people running around that really need to get a fucking punch in the face. 1.00

02:39:50.000 And people go, that is a terrible way to think about, that is an awful way. 1.00

02:39:54.000 But no, there's a humbling to that, just like that lady who's like, thank you, sir, when she got fucked up by that elk. 0.97

02:40:00.000 You need to get thank you, sir. 0.98

02:40:02.000 You really need that in your life. 1.00

02:40:05.000 Like, people need to get their fucking ass kicked, man. 1.00

02:40:08.000 They don't. 1.00

02:40:09.000 So they just run around thinking there's no consequences to their actions.

02:40:13.000 Like, they're living in this nerfed environment. 0.99

02:40:15.000 A guy like you, you see some dark shit going on, and you know. 0.99

02:40:19.000 You know there's consequences. 1.00

02:40:20.000 You grew up with consequences.

02:40:22.000 Heavy consequences.

02:40:23.000 Going to the hospital, bleeding.

02:40:25.000 That's a consequence, Jack.

02:40:26.000 Plus, you're always around drugs and drug dealers and drug people and people that are involved in illegal activity where they have to protect their freedom.

02:40:34.000 Drug dealers and being around drug dealers, they're always one step closer to violence than anybody else around them.

02:40:41.000 Because they're living a dirty life.

02:40:44.000 They're living a life of complication and worry.

02:40:49.000 You always got to worry about someone turning you in.

02:40:51.000 You always got to worry about someone getting arrested.

02:40:52.000 Where'd you get these drugs from?

02:40:53.000 Oh, where does he live?

02:40:54.000 And then, boom.

02:40:55.000 You got to worry about people showing up at your house.

02:40:57.000 You got to stash stuff in weird spots.

02:40:59.000 You got to always be on edge.

02:41:02.000 And once you add that drug to the mix, like once you're dealing coke, okay, take for example, Pablo.

02:41:08.000 Pablo didn't smoke coke.

02:41:10.000 He didn't do drugs.

02:41:11.000 But I thought in the movie he smoked a lot of weed, right?

02:41:13.000 He smoked pot.

02:41:14.000 Did he do any coke in the show?

02:41:16.000 No, no coke at all.

02:41:17.000 I think you're right.

02:41:18.000 Once you do coke as a dealer or heroin or prescription pills, that puts your judgment somewhere else.

02:41:26.000 When you do coke and you do coke for three hours, the high becomes something else.

02:41:31.000 That euphoric becomes paranoid.

02:41:32.000 Right.

02:41:33.000 And the more you do it, the paranoia, it shuts the window.

02:41:37.000 The euphoric state goes from three hours to two hours to one hour to two bumps.

02:41:42.000 Towards the end for me, two bumps, I was done.

02:41:45.000 Paranoia was high.

02:41:46.000 On the way home, if I was driving and I saw a cop car over there just watching speeders, that cop car stayed in my mind and grew like a weed.

02:41:56.000 Why was he there?

02:41:57.000 That makes your trigger finger a lot quicker.

02:42:00.000 That makes so many things a lot quicker.

02:42:03.000 You know, I used to call the cops on myself.

02:42:05.000 That's not a joke. 0.99

02:42:06.000 That's not a fucking joke. 0.99

02:42:08.000 That's a joke on stage. 0.98

02:42:09.000 But where I originated from was, in 1986, I spent the weekend doing the best coke in the world, and I kept calling the cops.

02:42:18.000 Calling the cops.

02:42:19.000 And they kept coming over going, what?

02:42:20.000 There's a paragraph in the other room.

02:42:22.000 And that's like the tenth time they go, can we talk to you for a second?

02:42:26.000 They said, listen, how many lines have you done tonight?

02:42:29.000 And I'm like, I haven't stopped.

02:42:30.000 I'm like, we suggest you put away the bag.

02:42:32.000 Oh, that's so funny.

02:42:33.000 And the next Monday, I had to walk to the police station after a good 12 hours sleep and explain to them I wasn't doing blow.

02:42:39.000 It was just a reaction to the orange juice.

02:42:41.000 And they're like, listen, you got to stop.

02:42:44.000 You got to stop doing powder.

02:42:46.000 You were calling the cops.

02:42:48.000 On yourself, dawg.

02:42:50.000 Thank God this happens all the time up here in Aspen.

02:42:53.000 Did I ever tell you when I was a volunteer fireman in Aspen?

02:42:56.000 No.

02:42:57.000 You didn't know about that?

02:42:58.000 No. 0.97

02:43:00.000 Okay, and Snowmass Village, you could go to a shitty gym, or you go to a Snowmass Club, where they have shaving cream and Q-tips. 0.96

02:43:10.000 Ooh, Q-tips. 0.94

02:43:11.000 So you know Joey.

02:43:11.000 I joined the Snowmass Club, and there was three bills a month in 1982. I couldn't afford that.

02:43:15.000 $300 a month?

02:43:16.000 Oh my God, the Snowmass Club.

02:43:18.000 In the 80s?

02:43:18.000 Oh, the Snowmass Club.

02:43:20.000 I had to do an Aspen in those days.

02:43:22.000 The Aspen Club was where Greybo got blown up.

02:43:25.000 That drug dealer was making six million every six weeks.

02:43:26.000 They blew him up at the Aspen Club, Jack.

02:43:29.000 Right by, uh...

02:43:29.000 They blew him up?

02:43:30.000 Blew him up with a pipe bomb in his car.

02:43:32.000 You know who his wife married? 0.97

02:43:33.000 Did he die? 1.00

02:43:35.000 Oh, fuck yeah. 1.00

02:43:35.000 No, he held down for six or seven hours. 1.00

02:43:37.000 He bled out of his ass. 1.00

02:43:38.000 That year was the Jeep that they put an extra plate under the Jeep. 1.00

02:43:41.000 Oh, Jesus.

02:43:42.000 He would always give somebody a 20 to start his car.

02:43:44.000 There's one night he didn't give him a 20. Oh, my God.

02:43:46.000 He was 20 days from going on trial.

02:43:48.000 They found millions at his house in garbage cans.

02:43:52.000 Whoa.

02:43:53.000 He would just go into a restaurant and say, Hi, Joe.

02:43:55.000 How are you?

02:43:56.000 Joe, do me a favor.

02:43:57.000 Here's $100,000.

02:43:58.000 Tell me when it's over.

02:44:00.000 Wait a second.

02:44:01.000 My entrees are $18.

02:44:03.000 So he would just give them money, and that way he would never pay when he would go there.

02:44:07.000 He just had a running account.

02:44:08.000 He just had so much cash coming in.

02:44:10.000 That's actually pretty smart.

02:44:11.000 That's what he would do.

02:44:12.000 So when he got blown up, you know who married his wife? 0.92

02:44:14.000 Who?

02:44:14.000 James Caan.

02:44:16.000 James Caan married Greybo's wife.

02:44:18.000 All those single wives that get money when they get blown up. 1.00

02:44:22.000 They fucking all get remarried. 1.00

02:44:24.000 You're right. 1.00

02:44:25.000 They're a hot piece of ass. 1.00

02:44:27.000 If she just kept her mouth shut and took some cash, he'd probably give her many millions, right? 1.00

02:44:33.000 You would think so, but how many more millions do you think she'll get for this? 0.95

02:44:36.000 She'd have to marry some Iranian dude. 1.00

02:44:39.000 Some Persian guy with a fucking gold Bentley. 1.00

02:44:42.000 So, Doug, they told me, listen, you don't want to pay the 300, you could become a volunteer fireman. 1.00

02:44:48.000 And I go, fuck the 300. I'm a fireman. 1.00

02:44:50.000 So for six weeks, they put me to a training program where you just put out dumpsters and give mouth-to-mouth and CPR and you got to run with little bags. 0.99

02:44:58.000 I'm doing all this shit coked up to the gills. 0.99

02:45:00.000 I'm selling coke. 1.00

02:45:02.000 I'm going back every week and getting a pound of coke and selling it.

02:45:05.000 And to give me my hobby, I'm a volunteer fireman.

02:45:08.000 But have you ever been in Aspen or Snowmass?

02:45:10.000 Yes, I've been asked. 1.00

02:45:11.000 The only fucking fires are the ones white people don't know how to do a fire in the fireplace. 1.00

02:45:16.000 They have a fire pit. 1.00

02:45:16.000 So they scoop it and they put it in the garbage. 1.00

02:45:18.000 Then there's a fire.

02:45:19.000 So I would get coked up at night and they'd be outside my house beeping with the bells like, come on out, there's a fire.

02:45:26.000 You gotta come down. 1.00

02:45:27.000 Fuck you. 1.00

02:45:28.000 I wouldn't come out of the house. 1.00

02:45:29.000 I'd get so paranoid.

02:45:30.000 And they'd ask me the next day, what happened to you last night?

02:45:32.000 Dog, I took a sleeping pill.

02:45:34.000 I couldn't get up.

02:45:35.000 This must have happened.

02:45:36.000 Because every time I did show up, it was always a dumpster.

02:45:39.000 Right.

02:45:39.000 That was on fire.

02:45:40.000 When am I going to leave the house at five for a fucking dumpster? 1.00

02:45:43.000 Eight white people with sticks and helmets, with radios. 1.00

02:45:47.000 You know, get the hell up. 0.98

02:45:48.000 Yeah, you know white people. 0.95

02:45:50.000 Yeah, you know white people.

02:45:51.000 Over.

02:45:52.000 Over. 1.00

02:45:52.000 The fucking dumpster. 1.00

02:45:53.000 You got a 619 on 3rd Street. 1.00

02:45:55.000 They give a mouth to mouth to the parrot and shit. 1.00

02:45:57.000 Who gives a fuck about the parrot? 1.00

02:45:59.000 Save the fucking dumpster! 1.00

02:46:01.000 Did you do any fires? 1.00

02:46:02.000 I did like three fires, but they were just dumpster fires.

02:46:05.000 So after a while, I said, what am I going to do?

02:46:07.000 There's eight of yous. 1.00

02:46:08.000 Hey, idiots with things, you know, make them believe they're busy. 1.00

02:46:11.000 Fuck yeah, leave me at home. 1.00

02:46:12.000 Call me for the big ones. 1.00

02:46:14.000 And there was never a big one, so they fucking fired me. 0.98

02:46:17.000 When they realized I was only in it for the membership pass, they said... 0.98

02:46:21.000 Well, Aspen's a weird place because, obviously, there's a lot of really wealthy people and they've called it home for a long time.

02:46:28.000 But then there was a lot of hippies that moved there in the 70s because they just wanted to get out of society.

02:46:32.000 And they somehow or another gravitated towards Aspen.

02:46:36.000 Like, I don't understand how that happened.

02:46:38.000 What it was about Aspen that...

02:46:40.000 Colorado jails are number one and two in the country.

02:46:43.000 As far as capacity?

02:46:45.000 In the old days, 10, 20 years ago, Boulder County Jail was number two county jail in the country.

02:46:50.000 They fed you.

02:46:52.000 They gave you clothes.

02:46:53.000 That's why they vote Democratic.

02:46:54.000 They trim your toenails.

02:46:56.000 They give you rolling papers.

02:46:58.000 You know, in Boulder, you could still smoke years ago.

02:47:00.000 They gave you rolling papers and sick tobacco.

02:47:03.000 Really?

02:47:04.000 No other prison did that.

02:47:05.000 Everywhere else you gotta pay for cigarettes.

02:47:07.000 In Bowdoin, nah.

02:47:08.000 In Aspen, they don't even have a kitchen.

02:47:11.000 Paula France used to cater. 0.99

02:47:13.000 That's why fucking Bundy escaped. 0.99

02:47:15.000 Paula France used to cater. 0.99

02:47:17.000 In Aspen, if you go to jail, you get catered dinners.

02:47:20.000 They don't have a jail.

02:47:21.000 They have a county.

02:47:22.000 They cater.

02:47:23.000 So, Ted Bundy escaped from the Aspen jail?

02:47:25.000 Yeah.

02:47:26.000 Whoa.

02:47:26.000 He opened up a window and jumped out.

02:47:28.000 Whoa.

02:47:29.000 And he killed a girl in Snowmass Village.

02:47:32.000 Man, that guy's scary. 1.00

02:47:34.000 He is a scary motherfucker. 1.00

02:47:35.000 He just escaped from the fucking Aspen jail, jumped out of a window. 1.00

02:47:39.000 Wow. 1.00

02:47:40.000 Well, you got to drive...

02:47:41.000 Didn't you get to drive for a little bit in prison?

02:47:44.000 Like, you went to Chinese places?

02:47:45.000 I would drive, you know, because I was the only one who had a driver's license.

02:47:49.000 So they would let me drive to the places where people were...

02:47:51.000 You ever go on the road and see inmates picking up trash?

02:47:54.000 Yeah.

02:47:54.000 I would bring them lunch.

02:47:56.000 But at the same time, those people, they know where they're going the next day.

02:48:00.000 So they call Joe Rogan and go, Joe, what are you doing tomorrow?

02:48:02.000 Nothing.

02:48:02.000 I'm going to be between Laurel Canyon and Compton.

02:48:06.000 Cold water.

02:48:07.000 Do me a favor.

02:48:08.000 By that sign that says, save the apples, dump the weed there.

02:48:13.000 And so that's what you do?

02:48:14.000 So the Invicts come pick it up.

02:48:16.000 Invicts.

02:48:16.000 And then they give me the bag and I would drive it in.

02:48:18.000 The weed would be in the trunk in the garbage. 0.97

02:48:21.000 So I would leave the garbage on the trucks, then the imbex come back, I would mark the bag that they threw the weed in, and they would take the weed out or the heroin or the fucking speed and give me a cut. 0.99

02:48:31.000 Wow. 0.99

02:48:33.000 It's fucking amazing. 0.99

02:48:34.000 That's how they bring jail. 0.99

02:48:35.000 And you never got caught?

02:48:38.000 You know what's crazy?

02:48:39.000 If you're thinking about it now, the guards are part of the action.

02:48:43.000 They don't want to get caught.

02:48:45.000 Yeah, they'd rather not deal with the stuff.

02:48:47.000 That's their extra income, guys.

02:48:48.000 They'd rather just relax.

02:48:49.000 I get nervous bringing an edible onto a plane. 1.00

02:48:52.000 Shit. 1.00

02:48:52.000 Oh my god. 1.00

02:48:54.000 Edible on a plane is my middle fucking name, doctor. 1.00

02:48:57.000 Shit. 1.00

02:48:57.000 Joey Diaz isn't scared of edibles on planes. 1.00

02:49:00.000 Shit. 1.00

02:49:00.000 What's up, baby? 1.00

02:49:01.000 That's it.

02:49:02.000 Three hours.

02:49:03.000 That's it.

02:49:03.000 We did it all.

02:49:04.000 What do we got going on?

02:49:05.000 What's the future?

02:49:05.000 We got July 8th.

02:49:07.000 You and me are at the Ka Theater, the MGM. That's going to be fun.

02:49:11.000 UFC 200?

02:49:12.000 Yeah.

02:49:13.000 Yeah, UFC 200. That's going to be chaos.

02:49:15.000 I think I'm going to go in Thursday for the fucking thing and walk around. 0.99

02:49:19.000 Yeah? 0.99

02:49:19.000 For the expo? 0.99

02:49:20.000 Yeah?

02:49:21.000 Good idea.

02:49:21.000 That's the nice people.

02:49:23.000 But you should probably get a set.

02:49:24.000 See if you can get a set at the MGM Club, at Brad Garrett's Club.

02:49:27.000 Thursday night?

02:49:28.000 Yeah, I bet you could do a show there Thursday night if you wanted to. 0.99

02:49:30.000 I don't want a fucking set. 1.00

02:49:31.000 You don't give a fuck. 1.00

02:49:32.000 I just want to go hang out. 1.00

02:49:33.000 Maybe do a seminar or something, learn something.

02:49:36.000 Seminar?

02:49:36.000 Yeah, let's probably put some seminars there.

02:49:37.000 Yeah, they've got some great seminars.

02:49:39.000 I think it's part of a package.

02:49:40.000 Well, there's a giant week of the UFC experience.

02:49:45.000 Down there for UFC 200. Yeah, yeah, so it's great.

02:49:47.000 I went about five, four years ago.

02:49:48.000 The first year they did it, you took me and I walked around.

02:49:50.000 It was pretty interesting, great stuff.

02:49:52.000 They usually have grappling tournaments.

02:49:53.000 I don't know if they have them this time.

02:49:55.000 I'm sure they are.

02:49:56.000 They have a lot of no-gi grappling tournaments, too. 0.99

02:49:59.000 Seminars, all kinds of shit. 0.97

02:50:01.000 Tonight premieres the countdown for UFC 199. And you can watch The Church of What's Happening Now on YouTube. 0.99

02:50:11.000 And Vimeo.

02:50:12.000 And Vimeo.

02:50:13.000 And you can get it on iTunes. 0.90

02:50:15.000 It's fucking hilarious. 1.00

02:50:17.000 I suggest you get on that shit and subscribe. 1.00

02:50:20.000 Lee Syatt on Twitter. 1.00

02:50:23.000 Lee, spell it out.

02:50:24.000 L-E-E-S-Y-A-T-T. And of course, Mad Flavor for young Joey Diaz.

02:50:29.000 That's right.

02:50:29.000 And then Jamie Vernon is still Jamie Vernon, but it should be Young Jamie.

02:50:33.000 Someone's got it.

02:50:34.000 I changed my display name to Young Jamie, but that's all I got.

02:50:37.000 Beautiful.

02:50:38.000 That's all you need.

02:50:38.000 The display name.

02:50:39.000 That's all you need.

02:50:40.000 Ladies and gentlemen, good night.

02:50:41.000 We'll be back tomorrow with Sam Harris.

02:50:43.000 See you soon.

02:50:44.000 Bye-bye.

The Joe Rogan Experience - May 31, 2016

Joe Rogan Experience #803 - Joey Diaz & Lee Syatt

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