The Joe Rogan Experience - July 04, 2016


Joe Rogan Experience #818 - Mike Schmidt

Topics
racism in Madison cops and crime interactions police brutality Dick Cheney-Halliburton connection field sobriety tests criminal justice system inmates trying to seduce you Laugh Factory potluck Roast Battle
Hosted by
Joe Rogan
Guests
Mike Schmidt
Mentioned
Richard Nixon Dick Cheney Clinton Foundation Mike Schmitz Hillary Clinton George W. Bush Obama Jesus Christ Dick Cheney-Halliburton Ronald Reagan Bush Clinton Bill Murray Madison Kwame Hunter S. Thompson George Michael Roger Federer Mark Ruffalo Joey Diaz Jamie and 88 more
Joe Rogan Experience #817 - Jason Hairston & Brendan Burns Joe Rogan Experience #819 - Brendan Schaub

Episode Stats


Length

2 hours and 23 minutes

Words per minute

178.5

Word count

25,648

Sentence count

2,789

Harmful content

Misogyny

79

sentences flagged

Toxicity

759

sentences flagged

Hate speech

47

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

On this episode of the podcast, we have special guest Mike Schmidt. Mike is a criminal defense attorney in Madison, Wisconsin who has worked at the Comedy Store for the past 10 years. We talk about racism in the criminal justice system and how it affects the black community. We also talk about the Viking Clap and how we should be doing a better job of educating our youth about the history of the Viking clap and what it means to be a Viking fan in the 21st century. Finally, we talk about why Black people in America are more likely to be arrested than white people in general, and why this is a problem in the United States of America. If you like the podcast and would like to support it, please consider becoming a patron patron and/or share it on your socials! Thanks to our patron Mike Schmidt for coming up with the idea for this episode and for being willing to share his knowledge and experience on the subject. We hope you enjoy this episode, and if you do, please leave us a review on Apple Podcasts and share it with your friends and family! We really appreciate it. -Jon Sorrentino Jon and Mike Schmidt Don't Tell Mom & Dad: e. Jon & Mike Schmidt: Mike's Podcast: . Jon talks about racism and racism in America and how to deal with it Doug Duren talks about it on the podcast Michael Schmidt talks about his experience working at The Comedy Store and why he thinks Black people are treated better than white folks in Wisconsin, and how he thinks they should be treated better in America, and what he thinks about it's better than other people in the way other people should do better than they do in America and much more. Mike talks about what racism is going on in the U.S. and his thoughts on it, and his opinion on it and why it's a problem that needs to be dealt with in the first place. , and why they should stop being treated like that way, not like it matters. Thank you for being black in America. Thank you, Mike Schmidt, Mike, thank you for coming on this episode! - Jon and I hope you like it! Mike, I really appreciate you're listening to this, and I appreciate you, and we love you, more than you're being treated fairly, and you're not getting any less than you know what you can do that.

Transcript

Transcripts from "The Joe Rogan Experience" are sourced from the Knowledge Fight Interactive Search Tool. Explore them interactively here.
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Toxicity classifications generated with s-nlp/roberta_toxicity_classifier .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
Topics generated with Qwen2.5-3B-Instruct.
Hosts, guests, and mentioned names generated with spaCy (en_core_web_sm), reconciled against Wikidata.
00:00:00.000 On that right when we go live.
00:00:26.000 That is over 10,000 Viking fans with the Viking clap.
00:00:33.000 They're Icelandic fans.
00:00:37.000 And that is a coordinated clap that could not be done in the United States of America, ladies and gentlemen.
00:00:44.000 We've got a little too much independent thinking going on over here.
00:00:47.000 Can you imagine if we had that kind of organization?
00:00:49.000 We could do a clap, an America clap.
00:00:52.000 It'd be awesome.
00:00:52.000 Group haka.
00:00:53.000 Why can't we do that?
00:00:55.000 How come we've watched the Hakka?
00:00:57.000 We've watched those awesome Samoan dudes.
00:01:00.000 Are they Samoan that are doing that?
00:01:01.000 That is New Zealand?
00:01:02.000 Right, New Zealand. 0.99
00:01:04.000 That is one of the dopest fucking war dances the world has ever known, and it's going on right now. 0.99
00:01:09.000 It's not some Viking shit that they forgot about, that they probably used to do, but everybody who did it got slaughtered, or died off, or they didn't tell their grandchildren because they didn't want them carrying on the way. 1.00
00:01:20.000 This is some real shit. 0.99
00:01:21.000 They're doing it right now. 1.00
00:01:22.000 At a soccer game.
00:01:25.000 Soccer's replacing war, right? 0.62
00:01:27.000 Yeah.
00:01:28.000 That's what's going on. 0.99
00:01:29.000 Yeah, it's a good chance for your country to go fuck up another country. 0.99
00:01:33.000 Yeah. 0.99
00:01:34.000 And nobody has to die.
00:01:35.000 You still get to do the war cry.
00:01:37.000 Boom, boom, boom.
00:01:42.000 Mike Schmidt, ladies and gentlemen, pull this right up, man.
00:01:45.000 So let me tell everybody how this podcast got started and why I wanted to talk to you.
00:01:52.000 Because Mike works at the Comedy Store.
00:01:54.000 Seemed like a very cool guy.
00:01:56.000 And one day we're hanging out in the back patio.
00:01:58.000 And you know, like all the employees of the Comedy Store, it's kind of a hang.
00:02:03.000 You know, it's an interesting place to work, right?
00:02:05.000 Yeah.
00:02:05.000 It's just a hang.
00:02:06.000 And during the course of this hang, you started telling me about your past. 0.89
00:02:12.000 Before you worked at the Comedy Store, and you started telling me some really disturbing shit that you saw in the criminal justice system while you were working there.
00:02:22.000 And I was like, this is a fascinating subject, and let's talk about it on a podcast.
00:02:27.000 So here we are.
00:02:28.000 Yep.
00:02:29.000 I figured, why not? 0.99
00:02:30.000 It's fucked up, so I may as well tell people. 0.99
00:02:33.000 Yeah, well you, tell me what you did for 10 years. 0.99
00:02:36.000 So I was a criminal defense attorney for about 10 years.
00:02:40.000 I was for the first year or two in central Wisconsin and then I moved down to Dane County, Wisconsin, which is where Madison is, you know, University of Wisconsin, all that fun stuff.
00:02:51.000 It's the capital of the state.
00:02:53.000 Shout out to my friend Doug Duren.
00:02:55.000 Powerful Doug Duren.
00:02:57.000 Yeah.
00:02:57.000 He lives there.
00:02:58.000 Yeah.
00:02:58.000 It's got a great comedy club.
00:03:00.000 Yes, it does.
00:03:01.000 Yeah, it really does.
00:03:03.000 It's an awesome town.
00:03:04.000 It's a very liberal town.
00:03:06.000 Very liberal town, and you would think that because it's very liberal that black people are treated well there, and it is absolutely not the case.
00:03:16.000 It is the, like, if you're black in America, I mean, you've seen the studies, you've seen the statistics, you've seen riots.
00:03:23.000 Things are not good.
00:03:25.000 You're not being treated well.
00:03:27.000 And you would think that the worst place to be would be where you see riots happening, like Ferguson.
00:03:33.000 Mm-hmm.
00:03:33.000 But actually, it's Madison, Wisconsin.
00:03:36.000 No place are black people more poor in relation to the white people around them than Madison, Wisconsin. 0.88
00:03:43.000 Nowhere else do black children get arrested more often in comparison with white children than Madison, Wisconsin. 0.95
00:03:52.000 You would think it's Birmingham, Alabama.
00:03:54.000 You would think, where are those pictures that I saw people getting hoses turned on them or dogs sent on them? 1.00
00:03:59.000 I bet that's where they treat black folks like shit. 1.00
00:04:02.000 No, it's Madison, Wisconsin. 1.00
00:04:04.000 What do you think is causing that?
00:04:07.000 I mean, why is this one area in your assessment from working there for 10 years?
00:04:12.000 Like, why is it like this?
00:04:14.000 Well, I mean, there's a ton of different factors.
00:04:18.000 And all the factors boil down to, eh, racism.
00:04:24.000 I know it's kind of condescending for me to be a white guy from the Midwest calling racism on everybody, but I'm just going to tell you what I've observed and, you know, what the numbers show.
00:04:33.000 Because the thing is that you can't argue with the statistics.
00:04:36.000 If this ever came down to an argument about whether or not these numbers are fair, these people are being treated fairly, we know where they are.
00:04:46.000 You know, they're in prison.
00:04:48.000 We can point to the actual people.
00:04:49.000 They could raise their hands if they wanted to and say...
00:04:53.000 I'm sorry, I think really what's important, one of the things you pointed out was in specific crimes, where a white guy and a black guy with no record did the exact same thing, the difference in punishment between the white guy and the black guy.
00:05:06.000 So if you want to count Numbers of people that have been arrested, I think there's a possibility that it runs into that quagmire.
00:05:15.000 Well, you know, how many black people are there?
00:05:18.000 How many white people are there?
00:05:19.000 Are they in bad neighborhoods where these things are taking place?
00:05:22.000 But what you're talking about is the exact same crime.
00:05:24.000 So you can really see the obvious contrast there.
00:05:31.000 The best example is burglary.
00:05:35.000 So burglary is a crime that There's multiple stages to burglary.
00:05:40.000 There's people who are very good at burglary who will, you know, knock on a house and announce themselves, say, hey, Kathy, just to try and avoid being charged with burglary under this statute, just the way it's worded.
00:05:52.000 But teenagers do burglary a different way.
00:05:55.000 They wait till somebody's out of town that they know, and they rob their parents' house.
00:06:01.000 And they'll take their Playstations and they'll take their liquor and everything and they get caught.
00:06:05.000 They'll usually do a couple of them and they'll get caught in a group.
00:06:08.000 And if that's your first trip into the justice system, you are probably in Dane County, you're probably going to get a deferred prosecution agreement. 0.99
00:06:18.000 If you keep your nose clean you'll get an expunction which is where the judge says I don't think the community would be harmed and I think you would be helped by Making it like this never happened so the police can keep a report of it, but nobody will ever know so The black kids don't get the offer of expunction right out of the gates the the white kids do and then When they fuck up, 0.98
00:06:45.000 and they do, because they are 19, and a lot of the white kids are stealing for heroin. 0.96
00:06:53.000 I don't want to sensationalize it, but that's what you do.
00:06:56.000 So they'll steal for that, they'll get popped again, or they'll get popped for curfew.
00:07:01.000 And now the deferred prosecution agreement is pulled, and so they're technically convicted of a felony.
00:07:07.000 At that point...
00:07:09.000 The white kids will still have options of saying, like, let me give this another shot. 0.87
00:07:14.000 I'll plead to more offenses.
00:07:16.000 I'll plead to more of the bail jumpings.
00:07:18.000 Let's haggle. 0.74
00:07:18.000 Let's haggle on what we're going to do. 0.74
00:07:20.000 Because they've already entered a plea on the record to the felony for burglary.
00:07:26.000 So they still have options.
00:07:27.000 And at the end of it, they're going to get probation.
00:07:30.000 They might get six months conditional time in jail.
00:07:34.000 But they're going to get probation. 0.99
00:07:36.000 And the black kids who fuck up the same way, who were charged with the same offense, in my experience, and what everybody else notices, they go to prison. 0.99
00:07:45.000 They just off to prison. 0.99
00:07:47.000 So, white burglars in their early, you know, late teens, early 20s, Conviction, deferred prosecution, possibility of expunction, then still fuck up, and then they get probation. 0.99
00:08:02.000 Black kids, one chance, prison. 1.00
00:08:04.000 And once they go to prison, you don't really get out of that system very long because they just keep catching you up on probation or parole violations.
00:08:13.000 And so that's just one example where...
00:08:17.000 Same number of convictions, you know, whether or not it's a kid with no convictions or a bunch of convictions, the determining factor was the race of the kid because they're both poor.
00:08:27.000 You know, the white burglar defendants and the black burglar defendants are generally both poor because if your parents have money, you just pay the restitution and you kind of walk. 0.86
00:08:39.000 Whoa. 0.99
00:08:40.000 Not in every case, but when there's money over the barrel, when you can pay the restitution in a criminal case, it's such a rare thing that the prosecution will bend over backwards to help you get that money to the people that you fucked over.
00:08:54.000 And that's all they would have to do, is pay the equal amount and they could skate?
00:08:59.000 No.
00:08:59.000 No, they don't skate completely.
00:09:01.000 But since so few people ever get their money back from the prosecution of the crime, Anytime you can put the money up, they will bend over backwards for you.
00:09:12.000 So for a theft case like that, you could conceivably not be punished for breaking into someone's house and stealing something if you pay them for it back.
00:09:22.000 The act of breaking in, you won't be penalized for that?
00:09:25.000 That seems crazy.
00:09:26.000 Well, I mean, if you can pay for it.
00:09:28.000 Put yourself in the shoes of a prosecutor, where day in, day out, you convict people of crimes, and you give them time, but then there's these victims, and all they ever get to do is read a report.
00:09:38.000 All they ever get to do is sit in a chair and say, you really screwed me on this one day. 0.96
00:09:43.000 And then a lot of times the defendant doesn't even fucking look at them. 0.91
00:09:47.000 And so they never get to come with a win for their victims. 0.96
00:09:50.000 And paying restitution is a win for the victims.
00:09:54.000 So you can't ignore that. 0.99
00:09:56.000 No, I mean, I totally get it from a rational sense, but it just seems fucked. 0.97
00:10:00.000 I mean, that literally is buying your way out of jail. 0.97
00:10:03.000 Absolutely. 0.99
00:10:04.000 Yeah, if you look at the difference between someone who figures out a way to come up with the money to pay for it, or they have the money to pay for it, and they were just stealing for a kick or just to be a piece of shit, versus someone who has no money. 0.89
00:10:15.000 The only difference being is that the one person is able to come up with some cash. 0.97
00:10:19.000 That's crazy.
00:10:20.000 But of course, if you're...
00:10:22.000 I mean, the thing is, if the charges are already filed, you're going to have to plead to something or you're going to have to do a deferred prosecution agreement, but they'll make it as easy as possible.
00:10:32.000 So, when you were working there and you observed this, I mean, you were there for 10 years doing this.
00:10:38.000 When did it really start to sink in that this was sort of an impossible system and you didn't want to be a part of it?
00:10:45.000 So, in order to combat, I guess, the...
00:10:49.000 We're good to go.
00:11:08.000 And they staffed it with the Department of Justice and Probation and Parole and some other people that we didn't know that they staffed it about.
00:11:18.000 And so they just discussed these issues in the Sheriff's Department and the U.S. Attorney's Office and the And they made the list of these people that they thought were the most dangerous in Dane County.
00:11:29.000 And then they summoned them all to a meeting where they threatened them. 0.92
00:11:32.000 And they said, hey, if you step out of line, we're going to fucking max you out on everything. 0.97
00:11:38.000 So if you spit on the sidewalk, tick it. 0.96
00:11:41.000 If you disorderly conduct, we're going to hit you with disorderly conduct as a repeater and try to throw you in prison for it. 0.98
00:11:46.000 So you cock off even a little bit, you're taking the ride.
00:11:50.000 And also, by the way, we have some services. 0.98
00:11:52.000 So here's a place where you can apply for a job. 0.97
00:11:55.000 And they were all black. 0.99
00:11:57.000 That was when I knew there was no fucking point to this. 1.00
00:12:00.000 Because in Dane County, there are like 4.6% of the population or something is black. 0.98
00:12:10.000 They can't all like the top 10 most dangerous people in Dane County are not all black I know this because some of the most dangerous people in Dane County were my other clients and They're white and I was like I looked at the list. 0.98
00:12:26.000 I'm like I got other guys that belong on this list I had a number of people on the list when it first came out and then when they redid the list I had a couple more and when they redid the list with a new 10 all black So,
00:12:42.000 I know black people are not evil.
00:12:45.000 I know they're normal.
00:12:46.000 I know they're just like everybody else.
00:12:50.000 How are they, you know, it's because it's white or black, the coin flip, white or black, they're telling me it came up 20 times in a row on heads?
00:12:59.000 Like, random chance doesn't even account for this.
00:13:02.000 There's no race-blind way to, and they told me afterwards, like, no, we did it in a race-blind way.
00:13:08.000 There's no way you did.
00:13:09.000 You might have thought you did.
00:13:11.000 So the system doesn't even understand how racist it is.
00:13:16.000 How could they say they're doing it in a race-blind way?
00:13:18.000 I mean, if you legitimately think there were more dangerous people that were working under you, or that were being represented by you, rather.
00:13:26.000 I mean, what was their criteria?
00:13:29.000 What were they judging on?
00:13:30.000 Was it judging on how many convictions, the violence of the conviction?
00:13:34.000 What were the criteria?
00:13:35.000 Well, it was just, yeah, number of convictions and offense severity.
00:13:41.000 They try a lot to figure out a good metric to predict new criminality, and it never really works.
00:13:46.000 It was patterned after a program that they did in the South.
00:13:50.000 So it's kind of like they took the names and birth dates off a bunch of files and they passed them around.
00:13:58.000 And miraculously, every single one of them was black. 0.99
00:14:05.000 Now, numbers-wise, is that possible?
00:14:07.000 Like, is it possible that all the people that were the top 20 had the most amount of violent convictions, the most amount of this, the most amount of that? 0.76
00:14:14.000 And that was just, they just happened to be black.
00:14:16.000 Is that possible?
00:14:17.000 It is not possible because I had other clients who beat them in the criteria.
00:14:22.000 Right, you knew the criteria.
00:14:23.000 Yeah, I have worse people. 0.99
00:14:24.000 Everybody in that courthouse had somebody that was worse than anybody on that fucking list. 1.00
00:14:30.000 That's insane. 1.00
00:14:31.000 So you're saying, like, literally, you could replace the list with white people that were violent, dangerous criminals, and it would be a better choice. 0.99
00:14:40.000 Absolutely. 0.95
00:14:41.000 So those dangerous people were not even in the top ten.
00:14:44.000 Yeah, yeah. 0.99
00:14:44.000 If they wanted to know who the biggest fucking maniacs in Dane County were, they could have just asked the defense attorneys. 0.99
00:14:50.000 We wouldn't have told them. 1.00
00:14:52.000 Right.
00:14:52.000 But we knew the answers.
00:14:53.000 But you knew the answers.
00:14:54.000 Isn't that a tricky situation to be in?
00:14:56.000 I would imagine that it's incredibly stressful.
00:15:00.000 Being someone who's representing someone who you think is like a real criminal, a bad person, and you have to try to get them off.
00:15:07.000 Yeah, it's weird, but the thing is, The system only works if you just come at the other side.
00:15:15.000 And the other side just comes at you.
00:15:17.000 Because you've got, you know, they've got the police behind them.
00:15:21.000 They've got the fact that they've got a badge that impresses, you know, civilians during the jury trial.
00:15:27.000 They've got prosecutors who have access to state crime labs.
00:15:31.000 They're gonna come at you.
00:15:32.000 And if they lose, it's their fault.
00:15:35.000 So they have to win these ones.
00:15:38.000 And the guilty guys give you an opportunity to practice.
00:15:42.000 Because if you only took the cases of people who you thought were innocent, you would suck when it came time to do their trial.
00:15:50.000 Like, you gotta practice.
00:15:52.000 You gotta sharpen your claws.
00:15:53.000 And the best way to do it is... 0.99
00:15:56.000 You know, win with someone where you know that they fucking did it. 0.98
00:16:01.000 And win it clean on technical points. 0.97
00:16:04.000 Because those technical points, like, you know, not getting evidence in, or when a prosecutor is asking questions during voir dire they shouldn't be, that type of little, those little backflips and shit, those will pay off when you actually have a client that you don't think did it.
00:16:21.000 So, I understand.
00:16:23.000 I understand what you're saying.
00:16:24.000 And it's sort of your obligation.
00:16:26.000 And so in that sense, you almost treat it like it's a game that you're playing, like some sort of a technical game.
00:16:31.000 You have to treat it as a technical game or you will lose.
00:16:35.000 Because is it something, I mean, I know very, very little about the law in terms of defending people, but is it something that you think is like...
00:16:43.000 Almost like sort of a chess game like you have a bunch of pieces and you have to manipulate them correctly and you have to be aware of the massive massive amounts of Things that have been written on each individual subject whether individual crime what precedents have been set and How to establish whether or not your client was treated fairly,
00:17:04.000 and is that based on precedence too?
00:17:06.000 Yeah, yeah.
00:17:07.000 There's precedent for everything.
00:17:10.000 You know, 346 million people in the country, like, they've had some court cases.
00:17:15.000 So...
00:17:16.000 Yeah, you have to know the general progress of how a trial goes.
00:17:21.000 You have to know when someone can invoke a right and when they can't invoke a right.
00:17:25.000 Time limits are kind of important.
00:17:29.000 Time limits?
00:17:30.000 Time limits, yeah.
00:17:31.000 Like a statute of limitations, time limits?
00:17:34.000 Is that what you mean?
00:17:35.000 Statute of limitations to even if you're in court and you don't object on time, eh. 0.99
00:17:41.000 You're screwed.
00:17:42.000 Then they have to argue in a different way to try and get it flipped over. 0.99
00:17:47.000 But there's always arguing.
00:17:48.000 Right.
00:17:49.000 But yeah, it is a game, and it is kind of mental.
00:17:52.000 Here's an example.
00:17:53.000 I did this to a guy.
00:17:55.000 He's now...
00:17:56.000 He's not a prosecutor there anymore, but...
00:18:01.000 When you go into courtrooms in large areas, they take their inmates from the in custody section.
00:18:08.000 Sometimes they'll be in a jail next door and they'll bring them from a tunnel or little holding cells in the courthouse.
00:18:13.000 So they'll bring them in one side of the courtroom and then they'll put the jury box on the opposite side of the courtroom so that the in custody defendant doesn't walk past them on the way in and out.
00:18:24.000 Because if they were to get sentenced And the jury were sitting there.
00:18:28.000 On their way out, there may be some choice words.
00:18:30.000 So they separate the two of them.
00:18:33.000 And also because, you know, they're worried about them fleeing or whatever.
00:18:37.000 But the actual effect of that is the prosecutor sits closer to the jury box and they always have a case officer who sits next to the prosecutor in their dress uniform.
00:19:01.000 I think? 0.99
00:19:12.000 Think about you sitting in a room and you're trying to figure out what the fuck is going on. 0.99
00:19:16.000 Maybe it's a knife fight. 0.99
00:19:17.000 Maybe somebody's supposedly shot at somebody.
00:19:20.000 And a jury, you know, the witness leans forward and says something and you don't know if you should believe them.
00:19:26.000 So you look to the judge.
00:19:28.000 Judge is blank. 0.96
00:19:30.000 And then you look to the court reporter and the clerk of courts, blank, blank, because they don't want you to be able to read them, or they're working on other shit, or they're concentrating on writing what everybody's saying. 0.99
00:19:39.000 Then you get to the, you know, you get to the defense table, and there's the, you know, defendant looking guilty as shit, as they always do. 0.98
00:19:48.000 Not really, but... 0.96
00:19:49.000 And then you get to the prosecutor and the cop, and there the cop's looking at you, and he just gives you a...
00:19:56.000 And there you go.
00:19:57.000 You got some validation for your suspicion that the person was not telling the truth.
00:20:01.000 Just a little bit.
00:20:02.000 And that rolls forward from time to time. 0.97
00:20:04.000 Like, when you tell jokes on stage, sometimes you hold for a second, and you fucking look at people, and then they start to laugh. 1.00
00:20:11.000 It's the same shit. 1.00
00:20:13.000 It's just... 1.00
00:20:14.000 They're working the crowd.
00:20:16.000 Right.
00:20:17.000 And they don't even know that they're doing it.
00:20:20.000 But... 1.00
00:20:21.000 When they lean forward to answer a question that the prosecutor asks that they want to answer, or when they lean back because you asked them a question and they're about to burn you, They're working the fucking crowd. 0.99
00:20:33.000 They're just working the crowd. 0.99
00:20:34.000 So what I would do is I would show up early as shit and I would take their table. 0.99
00:20:40.000 I would just put my shit at their table because their name is not on the table. 1.00
00:20:43.000 Most juvenile bullshit ever. 1.00
00:20:45.000 I would take the table and I would put all my stuff there and I would make them ask the judge to move me because That was not an argument that someone who went to Harvard came to the courthouse prepared to make. 0.99
00:20:58.000 Because my opponent that day did go to Harvard. 0.99
00:21:02.000 And fuck Harvard. 1.00
00:21:03.000 You know, like... 1.00
00:21:06.000 This is the streets. 0.99
00:21:07.000 Like, this is fuck-around time. 0.97
00:21:09.000 So I did that just to unhorse him mentally so that when the trial did start, he was uncomfortable. 0.97
00:21:16.000 I didn't care if I won or lost that argument.
00:21:18.000 I wanted that chair.
00:21:20.000 I wanted that chair because I knew what we could do looking back and forth at those people and just taking them that much further from the physical proximity of the jury, putting us close.
00:21:31.000 I wanted it for that reason, but... 0.99
00:21:33.000 More so than that, I just wanted to make him be a fucking six-year-old to the judge. 0.99
00:21:41.000 That's a beautiful move, man. 0.99
00:21:43.000 That's an excellent move.
00:21:44.000 And so, it's, you know, like...
00:21:48.000 It's playing around.
00:21:49.000 Sure, it's definitely, but it's also, the whole system is kind of juked anyway, right?
00:21:54.000 I mean, aren't you doing your best to...
00:21:56.000 Yeah.
00:21:56.000 I mean, the thing is, like, if I can play for that advantage, and it's not unethical or illegal, because I can explain why that chair is better and why I want it...
00:22:07.000 Then I kind of have to play that angle. 0.71
00:22:09.000 Because I would hate for my client that day to be like, well, so you had a chance to really mindfuck them before you started and you didn't and now I'm convicted? 0.96
00:22:18.000 Right. 0.91
00:22:19.000 Well, thanks.
00:22:20.000 They're not gonna, you know.
00:22:21.000 Well, how many guys who are working in your position...
00:22:25.000 Have such a clear mindset, though.
00:22:28.000 How many people have sort of punched out after a while because they've been doing it a long time? 0.64
00:22:32.000 Or is that a public misconception that you see in, like, movies where the, you know, the criminal defendant that gets assigned by the state doesn't really give a fuck, does a half-assed job, and the guy gets sent upriver? 0.99
00:22:43.000 Is that common or is it bullshit? 1.00
00:22:45.000 It's bullshit. 1.00
00:22:46.000 It's bullshit because we all do care. 1.00
00:22:50.000 We're competitive. 1.00
00:22:52.000 Even if we hate you, we're gonna try to win.
00:22:55.000 Especially if we hate you.
00:22:57.000 I've pulled some of my best moves all the time for people that I loathed.
00:23:03.000 Because it was the hardest move to pull and it would be the biggest win.
00:23:09.000 It doesn't matter how you feel about the person.
00:23:11.000 Do you like winning?
00:23:14.000 Keep winning. 1.00
00:23:15.000 Like, when you see somebody and they want seven years, and you go, fuck you, three. 1.00
00:23:19.000 You don't say fuck you, but you just think, you want seven years for this shit? 1.00
00:23:23.000 Seven years of someone's life? 1.00
00:23:25.000 You maniac. 1.00
00:23:27.000 I don't care. 0.99
00:23:27.000 I don't even want this guy out, but seven, no. 0.99
00:23:30.000 So then you work on an argument, so that after work, you can tell everybody that the prosecution asked for seven, and you got them, too.
00:23:39.000 Wow.
00:23:40.000 Because, yeah, winning is its own reward.
00:23:43.000 I've never heard a lawyer put it quite like that, honestly.
00:23:47.000 We've talked about it before on the podcast where I think that there's a real problem with cops arresting criminals.
00:23:54.000 And not that they shouldn't, but there's a real problem in that it becomes a game.
00:23:59.000 Like you're trying to win.
00:24:00.000 You're trying to catch people for doing things, and you're trying to lock them up.
00:24:04.000 And when you're trying to win, because that is a win.
00:24:07.000 You know, if you get someone, you lock them up, you arrest them, you catch them, they get convicted, they go upriver, I send them upriver, I win.
00:24:14.000 And that is an absolute...
00:24:15.000 There's a certain amount of...
00:24:18.000 What we've sort of developed all throughout high school years and junior high school and whatever, kids play sports.
00:24:25.000 And we develop this winning mentality.
00:24:28.000 The game is to be won. 0.99
00:24:30.000 You know, whether it's a game of pool or lawn darts or fucking basketball, people are always trying to win. 0.92
00:24:35.000 And when you have people that are raised in some of the most intense moments of their life, especially if you've been involved in competitive sports, like if you've been On a championship baseball team or something like that. 0.85
00:24:46.000 You go from that and your next experiences in life are being a police officer.
00:24:51.000 You're going to definitely take that sports mindset and apply it to chasing down criminals.
00:24:56.000 And it could be good and it can be bad, but the problem is when people start justifying certain things like planting evidence and doing things along those lines in order to get a conviction because they want to win. 0.98
00:25:08.000 That's when shit gets really scary. 0.96
00:25:10.000 Because someone has an incredible amount of power. 0.99
00:25:13.000 And if someone is doing something to make you look more guilty just so that they can win.
00:25:19.000 That's scary.
00:25:20.000 Yeah.
00:25:21.000 When people were upset about the New England Patriots being accused of cheating.
00:25:26.000 Yeah.
00:25:27.000 Deflategate.
00:25:28.000 Jamie, can you explain that?
00:25:29.000 Because I don't necessarily understand it.
00:25:31.000 During the NFL, I think it was the championship game a couple years ago, during the before the game, a trainer supposedly had let some air out of the ball, which would make it easier to grip and throw and catch.
00:25:43.000 Now that's what I don't understand.
00:25:45.000 Has that been proven?
00:25:46.000 That it happened?
00:25:47.000 That it's easier to catch a ball when it's deflated.
00:25:50.000 There's other NFL quarterbacks I've heard recently that admit to over-inflating a ball for similar reasons.
00:25:55.000 It's just preference on how to grip a ball.
00:25:57.000 Same way baseball players do stuff to a baseball, but pitchers aren't allowed to scuff it. 0.68
00:26:04.000 They beat up a ball so that it's not brand new and slippery is all.
00:26:07.000 This is why I got confused.
00:26:08.000 But hasn't it been proven or am I wrong that there's no measurable difference?
00:26:13.000 I think the amount that it actually was for there was like a.0018 amount of air.
00:26:18.000 So that's an immeasurable amount of difference.
00:26:21.000 I really don't think it was... 1.00
00:26:23.000 So it was bullshit. 1.00
00:26:24.000 It was bullshit charges. 1.00
00:26:25.000 For the most part, yeah, and it still is. 0.99
00:26:27.000 They want to win.
00:26:28.000 The NFL wants to win in this case.
00:26:30.000 So that's what it is.
00:26:31.000 Because they couldn't get them very much on when they were listening to everybody's plays.
00:26:36.000 Because they were reviewing everyone else's plays and intercepting their communications.
00:26:41.000 How are they doing that?
00:26:42.000 Radios.
00:26:43.000 And that's illegal?
00:26:44.000 It's not illegal, depending on the state that you're in, but it's...
00:26:49.000 Frowned upon?
00:26:50.000 That's unethical.
00:26:52.000 The teams are not supposed to be eavesdropping on the play calls.
00:26:55.000 Right.
00:26:56.000 They were taping them, too.
00:26:57.000 Yeah.
00:26:58.000 Videotaping practices and catching hand signals.
00:27:00.000 Oh, really?
00:27:01.000 Yeah. 0.99
00:27:01.000 And deciphering hand signals like fucking enemies? 0.99
00:27:04.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:27:04.000 Wow, that's like some World War II Japanese code type shit, right? 1.00
00:27:09.000 Yeah, that's why they hold up those big ass signs now with like five different pictures. 0.99
00:27:12.000 There's decoy guys giving fake hand signals. 0.68
00:27:15.000 There's all kinds of things going on now.
00:27:16.000 What?
00:27:17.000 Yeah.
00:27:18.000 Subterfuge. 0.94
00:27:19.000 Yeah.
00:27:19.000 Danger!
00:27:20.000 Yeah.
00:27:20.000 Wow, that's crazy.
00:27:21.000 So, it's like the cops are kind of like the New England Patriots.
00:27:24.000 Like, they're gonna win anyway.
00:27:26.000 Why do you cheat?
00:27:27.000 You're gonna win.
00:27:28.000 Because the Patriots were gonna win almost all those games anyway.
00:27:32.000 But they don't...
00:27:33.000 The planning of evidence and stuff, like, that's...
00:27:36.000 It's more sensational.
00:27:38.000 It's more rare than you would think.
00:27:40.000 And the cops trying to get a particular person is more rare than you think.
00:27:46.000 Like, most cops are pretty good.
00:27:48.000 And don't hold grudges like that.
00:27:50.000 And when you see a cop who's arrested somebody like four times before, they get along.
00:27:55.000 Like, there's a little bit of trash talking, a little bit of like, hey, how's it going?
00:27:59.000 Like, they have relationships with people that they have to arrest a lot that are not always negative. 0.98
00:28:05.000 Like, it's fucking hilarious. 0.97
00:28:07.000 It's like the Sheepdog and the Coyote. 0.99
00:28:09.000 Yeah.
00:28:09.000 Those cartoons.
00:28:10.000 Morning, Sam.
00:28:11.000 Morning, Ralph.
00:28:11.000 Morning, Ralph.
00:28:12.000 Yeah, it's just like that.
00:28:14.000 And so...
00:28:15.000 Yeah, it's just, they're not as bad as people make them out to be in that angle. 0.94
00:28:21.000 Like, there have been some terrible scandals, like Rampart, but most, you know, like, that's not, that's the shit that's not really happening. 0.99
00:28:30.000 Like, that's the TV shit. 0.98
00:28:30.000 What really happens is, they're just not allowed to lose any interaction. 0.98
00:28:36.000 Like, they can't, like, when they finally decided that they don't have to chase people in California if they're going, like, 120. Less people started dying.
00:28:46.000 Because the cops actually had the discretion to go, we don't need to win all the time.
00:28:53.000 But all these other things like domestic violence arrests or shoplifting or tasers, they can't leave.
00:29:04.000 You can't back off a cop.
00:29:06.000 You can't be like, no man, I'm not going. 1.00
00:29:09.000 Because they have to get more cops and they have to keep getting more cops with bigger guns until they get you.
00:29:16.000 They're not allowed to walk away.
00:29:18.000 And they're not allowed to walk away from personal interaction.
00:29:22.000 That's the problem, is that we don't let them be themselves.
00:29:26.000 We make them be kind of these, you know, like, just always challenging people.
00:29:33.000 They don't want to do that, but that's how they're taught that they have to kind of act around people.
00:29:38.000 And they drop it whenever they can, like a lot of them. 0.99
00:29:42.000 You know, some guys never drop it because they really get off on that shit. 0.99
00:29:46.000 Sir, put your hands on the hood of the car. 0.99
00:29:48.000 Sir!
00:29:49.000 Spread your legs.
00:29:50.000 Sir!
00:29:51.000 But a lot of them would not like to talk to people that way.
00:29:55.000 Right.
00:29:56.000 They're taught they have to do that.
00:29:59.000 But they're in a terrifying and dangerous situation a lot of times where they literally have to have complete total control of that person and compliance.
00:30:06.000 If they don't have compliance, it leaves open the door... 0.99
00:30:09.000 To weird shit. 0.99
00:30:11.000 If a guy's not assuming the position, they can become more threatening. 0.99
00:30:14.000 I kind of get it in violent crime situations, but it's just got to be insanely difficult to figure out when to turn that on and when to turn that off.
00:30:23.000 Yeah, yeah.
00:30:24.000 I think some people obviously have problems with that. 0.98
00:30:27.000 It's a fucking difficult job emotionally to manage and psychologically to manage. 1.00
00:30:32.000 You're in this position where you have a gun all the time and a good percentage of the people you talk to all day are full of shit. 1.00
00:30:38.000 They're lying to you. 1.00
00:30:40.000 They're about to commit a crime.
00:30:41.000 Imagine running into people and almost everyone you see is involved in something they shouldn't be involved in.
00:30:48.000 And you took the job because you like people. 0.97
00:30:51.000 You know, like you took the job because you wanted to protect people and have people respect you, and all you get is fucking disrespect and picking up shoplifters and having turds thrown at you. 0.98
00:31:03.000 By some. 0.98
00:31:04.000 And then teenagers make fun of you.
00:31:06.000 Do you remember what it was like after 9-11?
00:31:09.000 How that big shift came about and people were like really appreciative of...
00:31:13.000 They started calling them first responders.
00:31:15.000 It was like the first time they had to call them first responders.
00:31:18.000 It was like a common expression in the news.
00:31:20.000 Because it used to be, you know, emergency people, 9-11.
00:31:24.000 It would be cops or firemen.
00:31:26.000 But when they started calling them first responders, and people were like super happy to see cops and super happy to see firefighters especially.
00:31:35.000 For like quite a while, they got a lot of respect.
00:31:38.000 Yeah, yeah.
00:31:39.000 Yeah.
00:31:40.000 But it kind of wore off.
00:31:42.000 I mean, firefighters, I think, still get the respect.
00:31:44.000 They get most of what they used to get.
00:31:46.000 They don't get the full blast that they used to get.
00:31:48.000 Yeah.
00:31:49.000 But now cops, every time one of them fucks up, it's showing up on video and it's reflecting poorly on everybody.
00:31:56.000 We really do have to take into consideration two factors when you're looking at these videos.
00:32:01.000 One is the sheer amount of crime you're talking about that takes place on a daily basis.
00:32:07.000 So, what you're saying is, if you have, I mean, think of the many, many, many, many cities in this country, and the many, many, many, many, many cops having interactions with the many, many, many people who've committed crimes. 0.82
00:32:20.000 It's pretty rare you see a video of a cop doing something really fucked up, in consideration to that. 0.99
00:32:26.000 When you're talking about these millions of interactions, and to have one every couple months, people are like, God damn it! 0.99
00:32:32.000 When are these fucking people gonna stop doing that? 0.98
00:32:34.000 Well, A, it is very good that we have a method now to catch those people and weed those people out. 0.99
00:32:41.000 They don't exist anymore.
00:32:43.000 That's a beautiful thing.
00:32:44.000 But B, it certainly had an impact knowing that they're going to be filmed, knowing that it's likely to be filmed. 0.94
00:32:53.000 It's going to eliminate some of the Some of the corruption, some of the evil shit that we've caught cops doing.
00:32:59.000 It's definitely going to have pressure on them and social pressure that's going to cause people to change their opinions and change the way they conduct business or they conduct the business of law enforcement.
00:33:10.000 But at the end of the day, the numbers are shockingly small.
00:33:13.000 If you really stop and think about how much...
00:33:16.000 I mean, I'm not trying to be like a cop-apologist. 0.73
00:33:19.000 But I'm just saying, we really should take into consideration, whenever we do any of these conversations about it, how many fucking cops there are, how many crimes they're handling on a daily basis, and how insanely brutal that must be on your psychological system, your emotional system.
00:33:35.000 I've maintained a few times that I don't think it's a job that... 0.93
00:33:38.000 I think it's a job that very few people are qualified for.
00:33:41.000 I think you have to have a very strong mind to be able to handle that in a very fair way.
00:33:47.000 Yeah.
00:33:48.000 Yeah, it's got to be intensely difficult.
00:33:50.000 Could you imagine just getting shot at? 0.99
00:33:53.000 Well, fucking high-speed chases, catching people in the middle of crimes, domestic violence. 1.00
00:33:58.000 Yeah. 0.99
00:33:59.000 Well, that's, I mean, it's not all excitement.
00:34:01.000 A lot of it is sad for them.
00:34:04.000 Because they'll show up four or five times to the same house.
00:34:07.000 Oh, yeah, man.
00:34:08.000 You know?
00:34:09.000 And they don't like that.
00:34:11.000 A lot of times they'll get all the cases.
00:34:14.000 They'll get a case nice and ready, and then the lady doesn't show up. 1.00
00:34:18.000 The case is dismissed, and then four months later, there's another call, and she's back at the house. 0.99
00:34:23.000 That shit is kind of great on them, I'm sure. 0.98
00:34:26.000 But, like, the police brutality videos bring to light kind of a way that some officers have been getting away with treating people. 0.99
00:34:39.000 Like, Rodney King was one of the first prime examples of, like...
00:34:44.000 Cops get away with doing this to people. 0.73
00:34:46.000 Right.
00:34:47.000 Don't you think in the Rodney King situation, though, it was pretty extreme?
00:34:51.000 Because you're dealing with a PCP'd up dude that went on a high-speed chase, and there was a lot more to that video than what we saw on television. 0.98
00:34:59.000 Like, I'm not excusing them for beating the shit at him like that. 0.96
00:35:02.000 I mean, they should have definitely handcuffed him, and they should have figured out a way with all those guys to restrain him. 0.98
00:35:08.000 They should have the physical manpower to restrain that guy without beating on him like that.
00:35:12.000 Yeah, yeah. 0.99
00:35:14.000 My personal belief is if you lead the police on a high-speed chase, they should beat your ass when you get out of the car. 0.99
00:35:23.000 That's what they generally do, because they're jacked up from having to drive at that speed. 0.98
00:35:29.000 And I'm not saying it's morally right.
00:35:32.000 I'm saying if you're currently in a high-speed chase with the police, pull over slowly and expect a few kisses on the lips.
00:35:41.000 This is my problem with that.
00:35:43.000 I don't have a problem with it in terms of dishing out justice, but that's, first of all, it kind of smacks of vigilantism, right?
00:35:50.000 And second of all, because you're not really supposed to do that.
00:35:53.000 No, they're not supposed to, but that I don't think they can control at that point.
00:35:57.000 It's not vigilantism, it's a cop.
00:35:58.000 What would you call it?
00:36:00.000 Just...
00:36:03.000 It's just inappropriate violence.
00:36:06.000 Well, I mean, they're trying to take physical control immediately of somebody who just threatened the lives of people.
00:36:13.000 Like, I don't know, 50 or 60 people.
00:36:15.000 They're going to do it fast.
00:36:17.000 But here's my only concern, is that it would encourage people to get away with more on the line. 0.98
00:36:23.000 Because they know if they get pulled over, they're going to get the fuck beat out of them. 0.99
00:36:26.000 And it could cause the loss of other people's lives if they were involved in a car accident by someone who's frantic to not get the shit beat out of them by cops. 0.99
00:36:34.000 I just don't think you're supposed to greenlight when someone can beat the fuck out of someone. 0.99
00:36:37.000 No, no, no. 1.00
00:36:38.000 Shooting them, killing them, it's not so hypocritical and stupid, but that almost makes more sense. 1.00
00:36:43.000 I'm not, I'm not saying, like, I greenlight it. 1.00
00:36:46.000 I'm saying, like, we are dealing with people.
00:36:49.000 It's probably gonna happen.
00:36:49.000 It's probably gonna happen.
00:36:51.000 Yeah, it's gonna happen.
00:36:52.000 We need to figure out how to handle that if we don't want it to happen, but it's, you know, that's...
00:36:59.000 I mean, we're not using robots, we're using people.
00:37:01.000 Exactly, and I think that's what's most important that we're talking about here.
00:37:07.000 When we can take people and categorize them and say, well, this guy has X amount of melanin in his skin and his family's from this part of the world, so we'll apply rule A. Yeah. 0.99
00:37:19.000 Versus if this guy is a Norwegian, white-looking motherfucker like yourself, you apply rule B. What do you got some Sweden in you? 1.00
00:37:27.000 What do you got there?
00:37:27.000 Norwegian.
00:37:28.000 I knew it.
00:37:28.000 Look at that.
00:37:29.000 Yeah.
00:37:30.000 How about that?
00:37:31.000 I'm not even good at that.
00:37:32.000 You're really good at racism. 0.60
00:37:34.000 You're a very good white guy. 0.98
00:37:35.000 Well, it's okay if you do it with white people. 0.80
00:37:37.000 Is that racism?
00:37:39.000 No, that's not racism.
00:37:40.000 What would that be?
00:37:41.000 It used to be racism. 0.98
00:37:43.000 It's only if it's a black person. 0.98
00:37:45.000 If I call you, if I say that you look Norwegian and I nail it, that is definitely not racism. 0.90
00:37:50.000 But if I see a black person from Haiti and I'm like, the Congo! 0.92
00:37:55.000 Well, that would be right. 0.96
00:37:56.000 Yeah, you can't get away with that.
00:37:59.000 Especially if it's like a really bad place like the Congo.
00:38:01.000 Well, I think also it was that you sounded really excited when you did it.
00:38:05.000 Like, Congo!
00:38:07.000 Yeah, well that was for the punchline.
00:38:09.000 Okay, alright, I didn't know.
00:38:10.000 Trying to make some jokes.
00:38:13.000 Yeah, man, I think it's just real disturbing. 0.61
00:38:17.000 It was very disturbing when you were telling me this because it just doesn't make a whole lot of sense that some place that people would think of as such a liberal open-minded place like Madison, Wisconsin would be so fucking backwards like that and that no one's bringing this up.
00:38:32.000 People have tried to bring it up.
00:38:35.000 They first started bringing it up in 2012. Since then it's gotten worse.
00:38:40.000 A couple of places have come out with studies on it.
00:38:46.000 Basically, in Wisconsin, adult black men are 12 times more likely to be sent to prison than white guys.
00:38:52.000 Black kids are 16 times more likely to be put into foster care than white kids. 0.82
00:38:58.000 And of course, if you're in foster care, then you're more likely to be prescribed, you know, pills and all that fun stuff. 0.82
00:39:05.000 And even for that, like in L.A. County, black foster kids are eight times more likely to be put on behavior-altering medication than white kids also in foster care. 0.96
00:39:16.000 So, it's, they noticed that the numbers were really getting bad then, and then they tried some shit to fix it, and it just gotten worse, I guess. 0.95
00:39:30.000 The funniest one was, I think it was in 2014, when there was another study that says, well, it's still getting worse.
00:39:39.000 They proposed a $250,000 gardening initiative, where they would teach children to garden.
00:39:49.000 You're locking up 50% of all African American men from 18 to 25. They're in jail or on probation.
00:39:58.000 And your idea is to spend a quarter of a million dollars on gardening. 1.00
00:40:04.000 No fucking wonder shit's fucked up. 1.00
00:40:07.000 So what was the argument about the gardening? 1.00
00:40:10.000 That it was going to give them a sense of purpose?
00:40:12.000 Because they would see these...
00:40:14.000 Flowers and... 1.00
00:40:15.000 Fuck if I know. 1.00
00:40:16.000 But that's... 1.00
00:40:18.000 Yeah, like, it's one of the, like, it's hippy-dippy bullshit is what it is. 0.99
00:40:23.000 It's so hippy. 1.00
00:40:24.000 It's fucking, like, I don't, like... 1.00
00:40:27.000 Like, holy fucking yellow brick road. 1.00
00:40:29.000 What the fuck are you talking about? 1.00
00:40:31.000 Like, are we all grown-ups in this room? 1.00
00:40:33.000 No, no, no.
00:40:34.000 We've noticed some studies that came out of Norway where they took prisoners and they showed them how to make tomato sandwiches.
00:40:42.000 And they could grow their own tomatoes.
00:40:44.000 They felt so much more comfortable about being a person.
00:40:46.000 Like, let's keep stealing fathers from their children. 0.99
00:40:51.000 And then also, but you know how we took your dad...
00:40:55.000 This is the magic of begonias.
00:40:59.000 You know? 0.96
00:41:00.000 Like, you know, sorry we fucking shattered your family, but aren't lilacs beautiful? 0.97
00:41:07.000 And you have to ride the bus to come see your lilacs. 1.00
00:41:10.000 It's just horseshit. 0.97
00:41:11.000 It's just... 1.00
00:41:12.000 If that's what they think will make a difference, then we're fucked. 0.85
00:41:18.000 Yeah, I mean, that's probably a good idea for, like, maybe a community center that wants to help kids out and give them some sense of purpose, but to sort of subscribe that to criminals or to people that you've convicted of crimes or... 0.74
00:41:33.000 People that you put in jail?
00:41:34.000 Or just anybody.
00:41:36.000 You can't make people garden.
00:41:38.000 Like, we actually had a war about that.
00:41:41.000 There was a war about 150 years ago about making people garden based on the color of their skin.
00:41:51.000 It was the Civil War.
00:41:53.000 I found an article about it.
00:41:55.000 What I'm saying, yeah.
00:41:55.000 The anecdotes from this are kind of funny, if you want to read it.
00:41:59.000 I've been locked up my whole life, so doing programs like this are like planting a seed.
00:42:03.000 He said, you have to nurture a plant almost like a kid.
00:42:06.000 It's kind of weird to think about it that way, but I think it's going to show me how to become an adult.
00:42:12.000 Wow. 0.99
00:42:13.000 And he said that after he brained the social worker and raped her dead body. 0.99
00:42:18.000 Can I do it NPR style? 0.98
00:42:20.000 Yes.
00:42:22.000 And after everyone had a chance to talk, it was time for some hands-on gardening.
00:42:26.000 One table was covered with dried lupin and Larkspur plants that the inmates stripped of seeds.
00:42:31.000 After the gardening work was done, the inmates gathered again in a circle to talk about how to connect what they've learned from life after they're released.
00:42:38.000 John is currently serving time for his sixth drunk driving conviction.
00:42:42.000 A little too sexy.
00:42:43.000 It's pretty good, but you're a little too sultry. 0.93
00:42:45.000 You burn. 0.97
00:42:46.000 You burn, son.
00:42:47.000 You burn at a low...
00:42:48.000 I'm sorry.
00:42:48.000 But you do burn.
00:42:49.000 You gotta be a little more dry.
00:42:52.000 To me, it's the self-satisfaction.
00:42:55.000 There's almost like a hipstery quality that you have to acquire of your sound as well.
00:43:01.000 Okay, I'll work on that.
00:43:03.000 It's pretty good though.
00:43:04.000 What is going on with that voice that they do?
00:43:06.000 That one thing where men...
00:43:08.000 Okay, here's a perfect example.
00:43:11.000 That dude who was in Canada who got in trouble with all the ladies because they said that he liked to throttle them.
00:43:17.000 Remember that dude?
00:43:19.000 John Gomeschi.
00:43:20.000 Do you know who he is?
00:43:21.000 Okay. 0.88
00:43:22.000 He was the guy that was on trial in Canada because a bunch of girls that he hooked up with said he beat the shit out of him. 0.99
00:43:28.000 Oh, the fucking, like the Canadian MTV Much Music guy? 1.00
00:43:33.000 He was a male feminist. 1.00
00:43:33.000 Oh, it's always them. 1.00
00:43:34.000 He was a male feminist who talks like this and has a very... 1.00
00:43:39.000 Very subdued way of speaking.
00:43:40.000 So, tell us about your band and where did you guys start out?
00:43:46.000 Like in this, you know, that weird, not a real person sort of a thing going on? 1.00
00:43:51.000 He was the king of that shit. 1.00
00:43:52.000 But what is that? 1.00
00:43:53.000 What is that gender neutral sort of strange?
00:43:56.000 When you talk like this?
00:43:58.000 I don't know.
00:43:59.000 What is that?
00:44:00.000 Why are they doing that?
00:44:01.000 They're trying to relax you, almost hypnotize you into just going with it.
00:44:09.000 There's no emotion to it.
00:44:10.000 It's like a soft rock DJ. But yeah, a little creepier.
00:44:16.000 You know what, though?
00:44:17.000 Honestly, I have to say, I prefer it when I'm listening to very intelligent things.
00:44:23.000 Yeah.
00:44:24.000 Oh.
00:44:24.000 Like, if I'm listening to, like, um...
00:44:27.000 Yeah, because you don't want to hear somebody be like, Yeah, the fucking Tampa Portia ablation is how the modern nuclear weapon operates. 0.82
00:44:33.000 Yeah, exactly.
00:44:34.000 Or even when someone's discussing, like, when they're talking about, like, a very intense subject.
00:44:39.000 That's hotly under debate.
00:44:41.000 I almost prefer it.
00:44:42.000 Like this non-judgmental, weird, sort of not-really-a-person way of communicating.
00:44:48.000 The pan-determined.
00:44:50.000 What do you think?
00:44:50.000 Like a classical music voice.
00:44:52.000 Almost, yeah.
00:44:53.000 Study the classical music, you can...
00:44:55.000 Retain the knowledge better.
00:44:56.000 Yeah speak that way.
00:44:57.000 Well, I'm fascinating as as a comic I'm fascinated by all those different There's like predetermined patterns that people can plug into like you can become a top 40 DJ and everybody knows how to do it top 40 DJ style.
00:45:13.000 All right There's just a way of talking where it just say oh well this guy's gonna play me some top 40 songs I know his voice he's on the ball and He's doing it perfect.
00:45:22.000 Strip Club DJ is another one.
00:45:23.000 It's like a similar one.
00:45:25.000 Politician voice.
00:45:26.000 There's a bunch of different voices that people are allowed to plug into.
00:45:31.000 I guess cop voice too.
00:45:32.000 You could add cop voice to that too.
00:45:34.000 Yeah, cop voice.
00:45:36.000 Yeah.
00:45:37.000 Yeah.
00:45:38.000 Hillary Clinton is so bad at public speaking. 1.00
00:45:41.000 She's terrible at it, right? 1.00
00:45:42.000 Like, how do you do it that long and suck that bad? 0.99
00:45:44.000 Oh my god. 0.99
00:45:45.000 Well, you know what, man?
00:45:47.000 I think she's tired, for one.
00:45:49.000 Yeah.
00:45:49.000 I bet if you caught her when she was 40, she's probably a firecracker.
00:45:51.000 Yeah.
00:45:52.000 You know, she's a lady that's dealing with a failing older body. 1.00
00:45:56.000 Yeah.
00:45:56.000 It's a real problem for people, because...
00:45:58.000 They don't really get wise enough for us to consider them running the nation until they're older. 0.99
00:46:03.000 You know, like if Katy Perry wanted to be president tomorrow, I'd be like, bitch, you're not old enough. 1.00
00:46:06.000 She's not. 1.00
00:46:07.000 She's not 35. But I would vote for her when she's 35. Okay, Jennifer Aniston.
00:46:11.000 She's 35. She's like 42 or something like that.
00:46:14.000 She's not a good judge of character. 1.00
00:46:15.000 She's hot as fuck. 1.00
00:46:16.000 She's really hot, but... 1.00
00:46:17.000 And she never did anything to her chin, so strong chins still work. 1.00
00:46:21.000 Yeah, strong chin is good work.
00:46:22.000 Don't sell yourself short. 0.99
00:46:25.000 But if she wanted to become president, we'd be like, get the fuck out of here. 1.00
00:46:28.000 You're too vibrant. 1.00
00:46:29.000 You're too young.
00:46:31.000 You have too much going on.
00:46:31.000 It's a real catch-22 for a woman.
00:46:33.000 Yeah.
00:46:33.000 Because the only way you would accept a woman in office is a woman, like an old, withered politician like Hillary, who's been in the trenches our whole career!
00:46:44.000 Yeah.
00:46:44.000 Yeah, I think you kind of have to be a little close to death for people to vote for you for president.
00:46:49.000 It's true. 1.00
00:46:50.000 You've got to look a little bit like shit. 1.00
00:46:51.000 Well, we tried it with Obama with a really vibrant guy, and he came out looking like death. 1.00
00:46:57.000 Yeah.
00:46:57.000 Came out looking 20 years older.
00:46:59.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:46:59.000 Poor bastard. 1.00
00:47:00.000 Yeah, I think we bothered him way more than he thought we would bother. 1.00
00:47:03.000 Oh, 100%.
00:47:04.000 I mean, just the job itself.
00:47:06.000 I don't think any...
00:47:07.000 I think it's the same thing we were talking about, like, that's really difficult to be a cop.
00:47:11.000 Magnetime, not time...
00:47:14.000 What, a million?
00:47:15.000 Magnify that, probably more than a million.
00:47:18.000 And you got what the president is.
00:47:19.000 Yeah. 0.96
00:47:20.000 I mean, the sheer volume of information that that guy must have to process on a daily basis about international affairs between Putin and Syria and Saudi Arabia's doing what and what's going on in Turkey and the fucking terror attack in France and... 0.98
00:47:36.000 Oh! 0.98
00:47:37.000 Yeah.
00:47:38.000 Jesus Christ! 1.00
00:47:39.000 Just has to decide bullshit over and over and over again. 1.00
00:47:43.000 Everybody keeps fucking shit up for him, and now he's got to deal with it. 1.00
00:47:46.000 Just internationally. 1.00
00:47:47.000 He's supposed to take care of national stuff, too.
00:47:50.000 So stop and think about that. 0.98
00:47:51.000 It's like he's got a hundred really fucking... 0.99
00:47:56.000 Strong, opinionated neighbors who like to fight with each other. 0.99
00:48:00.000 And you've got to somehow or another negotiate peace settlements and even send some of your thugs to watch over certain areas to protect them from shit getting crazy. 0.96
00:48:10.000 And he's constantly supposed to be communicating with all these generals and processing all that stuff. 0.98
00:48:16.000 God!
00:48:17.000 And then on top of it, he's supposed to be fixing the economy.
00:48:19.000 And then on top of it, he's supposed to be straightening out the problem with people having student loans that are worth vastly more than their actual education.
00:48:28.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:48:28.000 Fuck that job. 1.00
00:48:30.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:48:30.000 Yeah, he's a dumbass for trying to get that job. 1.00
00:48:34.000 That's too much work for too little money. 1.00
00:48:36.000 But he's a lawyer.
00:48:37.000 Yeah.
00:48:38.000 And he wanted to win.
00:48:39.000 Yep.
00:48:40.000 Competitive.
00:48:40.000 That's probably it, right?
00:48:42.000 Yeah.
00:48:42.000 You get on that track.
00:48:43.000 Maybe he was like, ah, I'm a senator from Illinois, so I guess my choices are get the fuck out of here or go to prison like every other elected official from Illinois. 0.98
00:48:53.000 Yeah, was it Detroit? 0.98
00:48:55.000 Which city was it where...
00:48:57.000 What was the big arrest recently?
00:49:01.000 Oh, yeah. 1.00
00:49:02.000 Somebody in Detroit did some shit. 1.00
00:49:04.000 Was it the mayor of Detroit? 1.00
00:49:05.000 I believe it was the mayor.
00:49:06.000 It was like, I don't want to say that.
00:49:08.000 I should be real clear.
00:49:10.000 I don't know if it was really the mayor, so don't sue me.
00:49:13.000 But someone got popped for something almost hilarious.
00:49:18.000 Yeah, yeah. 0.99
00:49:21.000 Whenever a mayor gets popped for something sexual, it's a fucking riot. 0.99
00:49:26.000 My favorite mayor stuff of all time was Marion Barry when he got caught smoking crack, went to jail, got out of jail, and won again. 0.99
00:49:35.000 Oh, that was beautiful.
00:49:37.000 And won again.
00:49:39.000 Former mayor of Detroit a couple years ago got sentenced to prison.
00:49:43.000 What was it for?
00:49:44.000 For corruption?
00:49:45.000 28 years?
00:49:46.000 Yeah, that's it.
00:49:48.000 Yeah, he was the former mayor when he got arrested?
00:49:50.000 Yeah, that's the dude.
00:49:52.000 Ex-Detroit mayor sentenced to 28 years in prison for corruption.
00:49:56.000 Whose name is, is that Kwame?
00:49:59.000 Kwame? 0.59
00:50:01.000 Kwame.
00:50:01.000 Oh, Kwame.
00:50:03.000 28 years for corruption following series of scandals that showed that he had unchecked power while in office.
00:50:08.000 Bam! 1.00
00:50:10.000 Unchecked, motherfucker. 1.00
00:50:12.000 Like Empire. 1.00
00:50:13.000 I haven't seen Empire.
00:50:15.000 But that's what it looks like.
00:50:17.000 Unchecked power.
00:50:20.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:50:21.000 Damn. 1.00
00:50:22.000 Why else would he be mayor? 1.00
00:50:23.000 He wants to get his freak on.
00:50:24.000 I know.
00:50:25.000 Mayor.
00:50:26.000 This is the thing is, imagine if you went on a path to being president 20 years ago, which Obama most likely did, right?
00:50:32.000 Yeah.
00:50:32.000 So think about it.
00:50:33.000 What is he now?
00:50:34.000 He's like 50?
00:50:34.000 So back then he was 30?
00:50:36.000 The 50s, yeah. 0.99
00:50:36.000 You think about when he was 30, and he's thinking to himself, you know, I'm going to be the president of the United States, I'm on this path, and I'm seeing all the pussy that... 0.99
00:50:44.000 John F. Kennedy got, and I'm seeing all the power that all these other presidents had, and I'm seeing all the respect they got when they got out of office, and then Az obviously definitely didn't think that he would get all the pussy that JFK, I'm sure he's a faithful man. 0.98
00:50:59.000 It's just in the vein of humor. 0.96
00:51:02.000 But it's nice to be offered.
00:51:03.000 Yeah, it's nice to know that you could possibly have the kind of power to shut the lights out on people.
00:51:08.000 Make them disappear.
00:51:10.000 He does that.
00:51:11.000 He does.
00:51:12.000 He could, right?
00:51:13.000 And then in those 20 years, you see the world change so drastically.
00:51:18.000 You see Clinton get popped with Monica Lewinsky.
00:51:22.000 That was step one. 0.99
00:51:23.000 Like, oh shit, I still want to do this? 1.00
00:51:25.000 Look at this. 0.99
00:51:27.000 But Bush manages to go through, and then social media comes around.
00:51:30.000 And in the midst of the social media world, that's when Obama steps in.
00:51:35.000 So the amount of scrutiny and insults and the amount of data that's directed his way, as opposed to every other president before him, is like unprecedented.
00:51:46.000 There's never been a guy that's been subject to so many different signals of negativity coming his way.
00:51:53.000 Because before that, people were sort of voiceless.
00:51:55.000 They couldn't really do anything.
00:51:56.000 But in Obama's time, blogs became way more prominent.
00:52:00.000 Online news sources in many people's world replaced the regular newsprint.
00:52:06.000 Yeah.
00:52:06.000 So it's not just, what are they saying about me in the New York Times?
00:52:11.000 Right.
00:52:12.000 Thousands of different blogs.
00:52:15.000 It's amazing, man.
00:52:17.000 Amazing change of events that have rendered the position incredibly unattractive.
00:52:23.000 So then, eight years later, this is what you get. 1.00
00:52:26.000 You get crazy old Bernie Sanders with his fucking wacky hairdo. 1.00
00:52:30.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:52:30.000 Who hates money. 1.00
00:52:31.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:52:32.000 You get crazy old Hillary Clinton who's shrieking and she's built like a fucking Converse All-Star box. 1.00
00:52:39.000 The whole thing is... 1.00
00:52:41.000 I mean, she looks like her body's failing. 0.97
00:52:44.000 Like it makes me uncomfortable when I see her.
00:52:47.000 I think she's probably fine.
00:52:48.000 I think she's probably in good health.
00:52:50.000 I don't know, man.
00:52:51.000 I just think she's not...
00:52:54.000 I know how bad she wants it, but she doesn't have charisma. 0.97
00:52:59.000 But even if she got it, look at the amount of fucking stress that's involved in that job. 1.00
00:53:04.000 How can that possibly be healthy for someone who's really older? 0.98
00:53:08.000 She'll handle it.
00:53:09.000 You think so?
00:53:09.000 Yeah.
00:53:10.000 If she were to get the job, she would handle that better than Obama probably handled the stress.
00:53:14.000 Because she's been in the trenches her whole life, right? 1.00
00:53:18.000 Yeah, well, she's fucking... 1.00
00:53:21.000 You got no question that she knows how to play the game. 1.00
00:53:26.000 That it's a game to her and that she's trying to win. 0.99
00:53:29.000 She's trying to do some nice shit for people. 1.00
00:53:31.000 You know, she's trying to help people out, but completely cynical. 0.99
00:53:36.000 You know, 100%.
00:53:37.000 I mean, she was the Secretary of State. 0.75
00:53:40.000 She's had people killed. 0.68
00:53:42.000 You know? 0.56
00:53:42.000 She's ordered drone strikes. 0.56
00:53:44.000 Oh, 100%.
00:53:45.000 So, she's fine.
00:53:46.000 You saw her reaction to Gaddafi.
00:53:48.000 You saw that news piece where these people were talking to her and she sits down.
00:53:53.000 She goes, we came, we saw, he died!
00:53:56.000 Ha ha ha!
00:53:56.000 Yeah, yeah.
00:53:57.000 You've seen that, right?
00:53:58.000 No, no.
00:53:59.000 You've never seen it?
00:53:59.000 No.
00:54:00.000 You must watch it because there's a Thug Life version of it, too. 0.82
00:54:03.000 That's the one to put up.
00:54:04.000 Pull up the Thug Life version of it.
00:54:06.000 But it just shows you, again, what was she?
00:54:09.000 She was a lawyer. 0.83
00:54:11.000 Yep, she was a lawyer. 1.00
00:54:13.000 And these lawyers, who eventually become politicians, they like to win.
00:54:18.000 People are like, why do you worry about her physically?
00:54:22.000 Maybe I didn't explain, or maybe you haven't heard.
00:54:25.000 It is alleged, and I think it's sort of been reported on, that she had blacked out and fallen and hit in her head recently in the last few years.
00:54:35.000 She's 70. It's going to happen.
00:54:38.000 But that she had had a fairly traumatic brain injury from that.
00:54:42.000 That was something...
00:54:43.000 Pull that up, Jamie.
00:54:44.000 See if you can find that story. 1.00
00:54:46.000 Because that might be Republican bullshit. 1.00
00:54:49.000 That might be proliferating Republican propaganda. 1.00
00:54:53.000 Also, Ronald Reagan had some brain damage, and he was amazing.
00:54:59.000 You know?
00:55:00.000 Maybe we don't get a president with a 100% thinker.
00:55:04.000 It doesn't matter.
00:55:06.000 I mean, it definitely matters, but at this point in time, I wonder.
00:55:11.000 The Ronald Reagan thing was interesting, because he deteriorated as he was in office.
00:55:15.000 He started off very fresh.
00:55:16.000 If you go back and listen to some of his early speeches, Ronald Reagan gave a hell of a speech.
00:55:21.000 Like, tear down that wall?
00:55:22.000 Yeah.
00:55:24.000 He had that one super bizarre speech.
00:55:28.000 Do you remember this one?
00:55:29.000 Where he was standing in front of the United Nations, I believe, He gave a speech about how quickly we would all put our differences aside if we were attacked by aliens from another planet.
00:55:42.000 He's 100% right.
00:55:44.000 He's 100% right. 0.99
00:55:45.000 He is 100% right, but it was one of the strangest fucking speeches ever. 0.97
00:55:52.000 Like, it is one that the UFO lovers have clung to, like a life raft. 0.98
00:55:58.000 He knew!
00:55:59.000 Ronald was gonna tell us he knew!
00:56:01.000 Yeah, he's like, yeah, remember that Cold War that we just all of a sudden stopped in 1989?
00:56:07.000 Yeah.
00:56:09.000 Yeah.
00:56:10.000 Work on lasers.
00:56:12.000 Have you seen that one?
00:56:13.000 That speech?
00:56:14.000 No.
00:56:14.000 It's really interesting.
00:56:16.000 Did you find the Hillary one?
00:56:17.000 The Thug Life one? 0.58
00:56:18.000 I found a Thug Life one, but I'm not sure that it's about Gaddafi.
00:56:21.000 Oh, okay.
00:56:23.000 We came, we saw, he died.
00:56:25.000 That's the speech.
00:56:26.000 She's like sitting, getting interviewed.
00:56:27.000 The only thing I find about brain cancer is like National Enquirer.
00:56:31.000 No, not brain cancer.
00:56:31.000 No, no, no.
00:56:32.000 She fell and hit her head.
00:56:33.000 Yeah, I was going to say, I found anything about that concussion she had. 0.86
00:56:36.000 She might be suffering from post-concussion.
00:56:39.000 Syndrome.
00:56:39.000 Is this from the Inquirer?
00:56:41.000 This is not from that.
00:56:42.000 It's from Breitbart.
00:56:42.000 Okay.
00:56:43.000 Might as well be.
00:56:44.000 From earlier this year.
00:56:44.000 I know.
00:56:45.000 I didn't find anything from much other regarding that.
00:56:48.000 So I did repeat Republican propaganda.
00:56:52.000 Ladies and gentlemen, at least I caught myself out on it.
00:56:54.000 That's how they get you.
00:56:56.000 Find out if that is in any way substantiated.
00:57:00.000 She did have a concussion, but I don't know the effects that she's suffering from it. 0.99
00:57:05.000 Okay, well, when you're that old and you had a concussion, you're going to have some fucking issues. 0.98
00:57:10.000 What those issues are and whether or not they're treatable, that's something only she would know. 0.99
00:57:16.000 George Bush fucking puked his guts out all over the Prime Minister of Japan. 0.98
00:57:21.000 We also fell and blacked out and hit his head because he choked on a pretzel. 1.00
00:57:25.000 No, earlier George Bush.
00:57:27.000 Oh, old school.
00:57:27.000 George Bush.
00:57:28.000 Yeah.
00:57:28.000 Old school.
00:57:29.000 Herbert Walker.
00:57:30.000 Yeah.
00:57:30.000 Yeah.
00:57:31.000 Remember when there was like, that was the big conspiracy because Bush had like bruises and a black eye and shit and somebody beat the fuck out of the president. 0.99
00:57:38.000 But then he said he choked with a pretzel in his mouth and fell and hit his face. 0.99
00:57:44.000 Like if I was the Illuminati and I was going to beat up the president...
00:57:47.000 That's what I'd make him say.
00:57:49.000 I want you to tell them that you choked on a pretzel.
00:57:52.000 Okay, I choked on a pretzel.
00:57:53.000 You choked on a pretzel and what happened?
00:57:55.000 What happened? 1.00
00:57:56.000 You blacked out, stupid. 1.00
00:57:57.000 You fell and you hit your fucking head, okay? 1.00
00:57:59.000 And then you got this black eye. 1.00
00:58:00.000 What black eye?
00:58:06.000 Hello!
00:58:07.000 Yeah, do you think the Illuminati beat up George Bush?
00:58:09.000 Tell me.
00:58:10.000 No, I think probably Dick Cheney hit him in the face. 0.99
00:58:13.000 Dick Cheney just beat the fuck out of him? 0.99
00:58:15.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:58:15.000 Probably fucked him, too. 1.00
00:58:18.000 I mean, but that was probably tender. 0.99
00:58:20.000 Like, they got a history together.
00:58:22.000 I just have a bit about Dick Cheney because Dick Cheney shot his friend in the face and he made his friend apologize.
00:58:27.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:58:28.000 Yeah, no shit. 1.00
00:58:29.000 Dick Cheney's a hard fucking cork. 1.00
00:58:31.000 I mean, come on, man. 1.00
00:58:32.000 That guy was on TV apologizing for Dick Cheney after Dick shot him in the face.
00:58:38.000 Yeah.
00:58:38.000 And he was like 70. Yeah.
00:58:40.000 He shot him in the face at 70 with a shotgun.
00:58:42.000 Yeah.
00:58:43.000 I put Hillary Clinton and Dick Cheney kind of in the same boat as, like, the Henry Kiss, and you're like, oh yeah, they'll just do whatever.
00:58:52.000 Like, if they decide someone needs to go, they'll just, you know, that's just that.
00:58:56.000 Dick Cheney, who's a scary guy, and his...
00:59:00.000 He's also still involved.
00:59:02.000 He absolutely believes in voicing his opinion on what should and shouldn't be done internationally, even now and today.
00:59:11.000 He scares me.
00:59:12.000 Yeah.
00:59:13.000 Well, he has to be.
00:59:14.000 He has to stay kind of involved because you know that he committed war crimes.
00:59:20.000 Everybody knows that. 0.99
00:59:22.000 I mean, shit, he fucking engineered war profiteering against Against our own, you know, like so you think that he stays He stays active so that he avoids prosecution by constantly staying in the mix Yep, and George Bush did the opposite. 1.00
00:59:37.000 So they both ran in separate directions Dick Cheney shows up and says well, we had to torture him because we needed intelligence good. 0.99
00:59:45.000 It's good impression I try and then George Bush stays the fuck out of it because if you notice those guys don't travel internationally so much and Yeah, that's probably a bad move.
00:59:55.000 They don't travel internationally because the jurisdiction for human rights violations is worldwide.
01:00:01.000 It makes them technically hosti humani generis, meaning enemies of mankind at large. 0.89
01:00:06.000 So, just like Spain did with Pinochet, any court can try them.
01:00:10.000 They just need to be able to say that the courts in their home jurisdiction or where it happened are not able to do it, and then they can do it.
01:00:19.000 So, they stay here.
01:00:22.000 They go to So do they have treaties with any countries?
01:00:25.000 Is there any country that they know for sure won't prosecute them if they travel internationally?
01:00:30.000 Yeah, there's jurisdictions where they know won't prosecute them.
01:00:34.000 Like they can go to the UK? Well, but the thing is, the ability to prosecute Someone for war crimes under the Hague and you know because these trend these human rights violation rules trump all the treaties they trump fucking everything except for a couple small technical points so a County prosecutor in Nebraska could file the charges against Dick Cheney whoa and Although
01:01:04.000 that might violate United States law and they might say you have to do it here or here or here No.
01:01:13.000 So, any enterprising prosecutor in Spain, if they could lay their hands on them, they can do them.
01:01:20.000 So, depending on the way that the country organizes its prosecution system, the lowest level person competent to make the decision could potentially try to jack them up.
01:01:34.000 Wow. 1.00
01:01:35.000 I'm saying his level of travel has to be so well coordinated because a fucking county sheriff could take him in for this shit. 1.00
01:01:43.000 Wow. 1.00
01:01:44.000 The wrong county sheriff could pick him up on this.
01:01:46.000 Has anybody ever tried to do that?
01:01:48.000 No.
01:01:48.000 No.
01:01:49.000 And that's, you know...
01:01:52.000 Why they don't travel.
01:01:54.000 Because the fact that nobody's ever even tried to do that and the evidence is overwhelming and clear that Dick Cheney, you know, for instance, remember the guy who authored the report saying that torture was okay?
01:02:08.000 Yeah.
01:02:08.000 That itself is a violation of international law for which you can be prosecuted.
01:02:15.000 So, and that's just, that's the tip of the iceberg.
01:02:17.000 So that guy can't, because when, if he, I mean, they can travel a little bit, but there's countries they can't go to because they'll snap them up and prosecute them.
01:02:27.000 Because, yeah, these just, I forget exactly what I'm talking, like, it's hard to explain...
01:02:36.000 Anyone can prosecute him for any of the shit Everybody has the proof and when he goes to other countries They will use the fact that we have not prosecuted him here as proof that we're not going to which will allow them to go forward So all it would take would be like say if he decides to make a trip to you know,
01:02:56.000 whatever some European country Yeah, all would take is one ambitious person. 0.98
01:03:00.000 Yep.
01:03:00.000 That's what happened to Pinochet Oh And that was, I think, a decade-long fight.
01:03:07.000 That's why...
01:03:08.000 That's so fascinating.
01:03:09.000 Yeah.
01:03:09.000 That's why Pol Pot never left Cambodia.
01:03:12.000 It's also so fascinating that we have these weird rules that the presidents have.
01:03:17.000 Yeah.
01:03:17.000 Like, where presidents can get away with certain things, like they can admonish people, or they could, rather, release people from jail.
01:03:25.000 They can suspend their sentences.
01:03:27.000 For federal offenses.
01:03:29.000 And governors can do it for state offenses. 0.99
01:03:31.000 It's just one of those, you gotta have a release valve on some shit. 0.99
01:03:36.000 And they use it, like Bill Clinton did it for a lot of political fenders. 0.98
01:03:38.000 How many pardons do they get?
01:03:40.000 As many as you want.
01:03:41.000 What?
01:03:42.000 Yeah, as many as you want.
01:03:43.000 And you can get someone out for a violent crime?
01:03:50.000 Depending on the jurisdiction, for instance, in Wisconsin, there is no functional limit on the power of the governor to let you out.
01:03:58.000 What?
01:03:59.000 Yeah.
01:04:00.000 Or pardon you.
01:04:01.000 That's insane.
01:04:01.000 There's no limit.
01:04:03.000 That governor and other governors before him have instituted sort of parole. 0.96
01:04:08.000 Boards that will review requests for clemencies and pardons and shit like that.
01:04:13.000 And they have ad hoc rules where they're like, well, it's got to be at least five years ago. 0.78
01:04:18.000 You got to show us this and this and this. 0.99
01:04:19.000 But in reality, he could do whatever the fuck he wants. 0.99
01:04:23.000 That's insane. 0.99
01:04:23.000 Because he's the executive. 0.99
01:04:26.000 County sheriffs also have the ability to release people from jail.
01:04:31.000 Because they run the jail. 0.98
01:04:32.000 A sentence only says that you should be confined for X amount of time, and the governor is in charge of the Department of Corrections, so he can let you out early if he feels like it.
01:04:46.000 And county sheriff is in charge of the jail, and if county sheriff needs a room, he can kick you out.
01:04:51.000 That's what he did with Paris Hilton.
01:04:52.000 He said, I need the bed for somebody else.
01:04:55.000 Get up.
01:04:55.000 And they can do that.
01:04:57.000 There are some minor checks on it, and prosecutors get really mad, but...
01:05:01.000 No.
01:05:02.000 They have almost free reign in the area of pardons. 1.00
01:05:07.000 That's like some king shit. 1.00
01:05:09.000 It is king shit. 1.00
01:05:11.000 That is what kings can do. 1.00
01:05:13.000 It is the power of life and death.
01:05:15.000 But that's a strange thing to give someone.
01:05:18.000 It's so weird that that still exists.
01:05:20.000 It has to exist because you cannot trust the courts to do fairness.
01:05:26.000 Really?
01:05:27.000 Yeah.
01:05:27.000 But you can trust the governor?
01:05:29.000 Courts are good for technical points, but every now and again there's a guy and he's in and the courts won't listen.
01:05:36.000 So the governor's got to be able to let him out.
01:05:39.000 Wow, man. 0.99
01:05:40.000 That seems like it opens the door for a lot of fuckery. 1.00
01:05:44.000 No, because everybody's looking. 0.97
01:05:46.000 Like, you can't pardon someone without everybody knowing.
01:05:50.000 Right, but on a fence case, you know, when you're sitting on the fence on it?
01:05:54.000 You can influence someone one way or another, no?
01:05:57.000 I mean, Nixon got a pardon?
01:06:00.000 Did he really?
01:06:01.000 Who pardoned Nixon?
01:06:03.000 I don't know, but Clinton pardoned his own brother, I'm pretty sure.
01:06:06.000 Oh! 0.60
01:06:07.000 How dare you?
01:06:08.000 Yeah, you can just do that.
01:06:09.000 His drug-offending brother.
01:06:12.000 In his final executive act.
01:06:14.000 And Susan McDougall, his whitewater business partner.
01:06:18.000 And a member of the Symbionese Liberation Army.
01:06:22.000 Jesus Christ.
01:06:24.000 I also want to add, though, I was just looking up that George Bush-Cheney thing.
01:06:28.000 Supposedly it's false that they don't actually have outstanding warrants right now.
01:06:32.000 No, they don't have warrants.
01:06:33.000 Or any...
01:06:34.000 They're not necessarily...
01:06:35.000 No, they're not wanted.
01:06:36.000 Anyone can file the charges.
01:06:38.000 Oh, no charges have been filed.
01:06:39.000 Yeah, there's no...
01:06:40.000 I got you.
01:06:40.000 No, no one has to file charges.
01:06:42.000 But basically, tens of thousands of different prosecutors across the globe could.
01:06:49.000 They can do it.
01:06:50.000 But they're not going to do it...
01:06:52.000 Unless they can get their hands on him.
01:06:54.000 Look at all the other people on the list that Clinton pardoned.
01:07:00.000 He pardoned that Michael Milken, junk bond king.
01:07:03.000 Oh, Milken's got an office in Santa Monica now. 0.96
01:07:06.000 That guy was a terrible person. 1.00
01:07:09.000 He fucked people over, man, right? 1.00
01:07:11.000 I mean, did a lot of people get fucked over by that guy? 1.00
01:07:15.000 Tons of people got fucked over by that guy. 0.99
01:07:19.000 The Whitewater business partner, too. 1.00
01:07:20.000 That's crazy.
01:07:22.000 But no, Michael Milken has a nice little foundation where he teaches kids music.
01:07:27.000 Look at this.
01:07:28.000 A Clinton friend from Arkansas spent 18 months in prison after refusing to give evidence that might implicate the president and first lady in a bank fraud while he was the state's governor.
01:07:40.000 That's so gangster.
01:07:41.000 How much do you think she got paid? 0.99
01:07:45.000 After he pardoned her, how much did she get paid?
01:07:48.000 Shushing!
01:07:50.000 Yeah, I mean, they roll deep.
01:07:52.000 I'm sure she's doing fine.
01:07:54.000 Yeah, how does that work, though?
01:07:55.000 How do you pay someone off like that?
01:07:57.000 Clinton Foundation.
01:07:58.000 Oh, yeah, you give them a job.
01:08:00.000 What a great idea.
01:08:02.000 Clinton Foundation.
01:08:03.000 Because the Clinton Foundation, like one of those charities that you go and look at exactly how much goes to the actual cause.
01:08:11.000 Is it one of those things?
01:08:12.000 Yeah, it's just money that pays themselves and they can take trips and whatnot.
01:08:16.000 Isn't that adorable?
01:08:18.000 Did you see she got her FBI meeting this weekend?
01:08:21.000 Who did?
01:08:22.000 She had a three-and-a-half-hour meeting with the FBI. Yeah, Hillary did.
01:08:24.000 I was seeing some other reports that Bill Clinton had a special in-air meeting with one of the people that were going to talk to her before it.
01:08:31.000 Yeah, someone from Arizona or something like that.
01:08:34.000 Is that where it was?
01:08:36.000 He said he made an impromptu trip to visit her.
01:08:39.000 Who impromptu is on a jet?
01:08:40.000 Anybody?
01:08:41.000 Anybody out there?
01:08:42.000 Anybody impromptu?
01:08:43.000 I'd love to be impromptu on a jet.
01:08:45.000 How baller is he?
01:08:46.000 Yeah.
01:08:47.000 I was just in the air.
01:08:48.000 I decided to go by and say hello and offer a piece of pie.
01:08:52.000 Yeah. 0.99
01:08:52.000 I was just coming over to be neighborly in my fucking private jet. 0.99
01:08:56.000 He's super concerned about the environment, but yet, flying around a private jet. 0.99
01:09:02.000 Well, no, that was his little brother, Al Gore.
01:09:07.000 This whole thing is so rigged, man.
01:09:09.000 It's such a strange, strange world we're living in.
01:09:12.000 We're going to have, what is this, 20 years of supposedly democracy and there's only two different last names?
01:09:19.000 Three different last names.
01:09:21.000 Thanks, Obama.
01:09:22.000 Yeah, Obama snuck in there.
01:09:23.000 They almost turned it around again.
01:09:26.000 They wanted it to be Bush Clinton, but Bush is just not very good at it.
01:09:29.000 This Jeb guy is just not very good at it.
01:09:31.000 I feel like he threw in the towel. 1.00
01:09:33.000 Yeah, I feel like he was like, fuck you guys. 1.00
01:09:36.000 I don't want this job. 1.00
01:09:37.000 And he, like, stumbled his way through some shit. 1.00
01:09:39.000 Yeah. 0.99
01:09:40.000 Well, I betcha he was a little hurt that he didn't get picked for $2,000.
01:09:46.000 And then there was a day where he was like, whew!
01:09:51.000 Thank God I'm not that guy, you know?
01:09:54.000 I'm waiting for someone to get up there and just go, this job can't be done.
01:09:58.000 Don't elect me, because this job can't be done.
01:10:00.000 No one can do this job.
01:10:01.000 I'm voting for you because if you vote, or I'm asking you to vote for me, because if you vote for me, I'm going to get rid of this job.
01:10:07.000 The first thing I'm going to do as president is get rid of the president.
01:10:10.000 Yeah, we maybe need two presidents. 0.99
01:10:12.000 You probably need like a hundred.
01:10:15.000 You need a council of elders. 1.00
01:10:19.000 I can't preside over this much shit. 1.00
01:10:20.000 Nixon pardoned Jimmy Hoffa. 1.00
01:10:22.000 But he was dead.
01:10:23.000 And then Nixon was pardoned by Ford, and that's what led to him not getting re-elected.
01:10:28.000 Oh, that's hilarious.
01:10:29.000 Yeah.
01:10:31.000 So, yeah.
01:10:31.000 That's what led to Ford not being re-elected?
01:10:35.000 He may have contributed to his defeat.
01:10:38.000 It's not the only thing.
01:10:39.000 I'm not a crook!
01:10:41.000 Also, I think Ford's obsession with combating inflation did him in.
01:10:44.000 Did you ever see the thing that Hunter S. Thompson did with Bill Murray?
01:10:51.000 They were mock trying to bring Dick back and see how many people would go for it. 0.99
01:10:57.000 They were just trying to show how easy it is to manipulate people and how dumb they are politically. 0.99
01:11:02.000 He was trying to bring back... 0.98
01:11:05.000 See if you can find that man.
01:11:08.000 It was like, bring Nixon back, you know, bring Nixon back.
01:11:11.000 They had like Nixon masks and stuff, and they were trying to, you got a bad deal, you got a bum deal.
01:11:15.000 Yeah.
01:11:16.000 And they were talking to people on the street and trying to convince them.
01:11:19.000 But it was Bill Murray and Hunter S. Thompson.
01:11:21.000 It was from...
01:11:23.000 Something gonzo in Hollywood or something like that.
01:11:26.000 It was like a documentary that they did.
01:11:28.000 There should probably be a clip of it somewhere.
01:11:29.000 My family hated Richard Nixon growing up because when Richard Nixon came to Wisconsin Rapids, my grandfather arranged for a Cadillac for him as he got off the plane.
01:11:41.000 And to address the people, he stood on the Cadillac, scratched the hood with his shoes, and refused to pay for it.
01:11:48.000 Whoa.
01:11:48.000 That was...
01:11:49.000 So not anything about the spying.
01:11:52.000 That was not my family's problem with Richard Nixon.
01:11:55.000 It was that he scratched the hood of a Cadillac. 1.00
01:11:58.000 Well, that was a piece of shit move. 1.00
01:12:00.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:12:00.000 And that shows man's character. 1.00
01:12:01.000 Yeah.
01:12:01.000 Like, here's an example.
01:12:04.000 My friend Brian Callan.
01:12:05.000 Do you know Brian Callan?
01:12:06.000 Yeah, met him.
01:12:07.000 Hilarious stand-up comedian.
01:12:08.000 Awesome human being.
01:12:11.000 His mom told him once that she caught a guy cheating at golf.
01:12:17.000 And she told her husband, don't ever trust that guy.
01:12:19.000 Don't do business with him.
01:12:21.000 Because he cheats at golf, he'll cheat at everything else, too.
01:12:24.000 Just a casual game of golf amongst friends, and she caught him cheating.
01:12:27.000 Yeah, yeah.
01:12:28.000 Like, man, you gonna win that bad?
01:12:30.000 Yeah.
01:12:31.000 Learn to golf.
01:12:32.000 That transfer's over.
01:12:34.000 Yeah, yeah.
01:12:34.000 It really does.
01:12:35.000 Yeah.
01:12:36.000 So, in that sense...
01:12:40.000 What are you looking up again?
01:12:42.000 You still haven't found it?
01:12:44.000 I got a picture of Bill Murray with Thompson and the Nixon thing, but nothing...
01:12:49.000 I wish I could remember the actual name of the documentary, but it was a BBC documentary.
01:12:56.000 They did on him.
01:12:57.000 It was really interesting stuff.
01:12:59.000 And part of it, he talked to one of the guys who testified against Nixon.
01:13:04.000 And...
01:13:05.000 This guy was, like, in deep, deep trouble before the tapes came out.
01:13:09.000 And then the tapes came out and exonerated him and proved that what he was saying was true.
01:13:14.000 But Hunter was talking to him and interviewing this guy.
01:13:17.000 Just shows you the times then, like, were so much more sinister than what the government was capable of doing.
01:13:24.000 Like, in many ways, they've been sort of defanged.
01:13:27.000 Hmm. 1.00
01:13:28.000 I mean, yeah, they can't break, they can't get away with as much easy shit. 1.00
01:13:33.000 Right. 0.99
01:13:34.000 Like, maybe they don't have fangs, but now they have tentacles.
01:13:36.000 Right. 0.52
01:13:37.000 So it's like a Japanese monster situation. 1.00
01:13:40.000 Like drones.
01:13:42.000 Things along those lines.
01:13:43.000 Right.
01:13:43.000 They have drones and, I mean, you know, they have Facebook.
01:13:47.000 Yeah. 0.99
01:13:48.000 So they can create 11,000 fake profiles on Facebook and send out friend requests and now they know where everybody is who's got their shit marked public. 0.98
01:13:58.000 You know? 0.98
01:13:59.000 They know when you're in the valley.
01:14:01.000 They know when you're at Burger King.
01:14:03.000 Are they really looking out for you, though?
01:14:05.000 Are they really following you?
01:14:06.000 No, no. 0.98
01:14:07.000 I mean, most of this data is bullshit that they can never use. 0.98
01:14:10.000 But they're accumulating it. 0.99
01:14:11.000 Because they're, I mean, they're like marmosets.
01:14:14.000 Like, if you ever see marmosets at the zoo, put something colorful up against the glass and you got their attention. 0.92
01:14:20.000 And our personal details, although completely fucking worthless and useless and boring, it's interesting to somebody. 1.00
01:14:27.000 And so they want that shit. 0.99
01:14:29.000 They want to know who we're calling. 1.00
01:14:30.000 They're obsessed with that stuff because they're curious because they're people.
01:14:34.000 And so they collect it thinking we might get a use for this or we might figure out that somebody's a terrorist and then we'll get everybody that they call.
01:14:40.000 And then they hang on to all this other stuff because that might be useful too.
01:14:44.000 They're just hoarders.
01:14:45.000 Like they're creepy hoarders.
01:14:47.000 Right.
01:14:47.000 And it's under the guise that one day you might commit a crime.
01:14:51.000 Yeah.
01:14:51.000 One day we might need this so we're gonna keep this.
01:14:54.000 That's what a hoarder thinks.
01:14:56.000 Well, it's not really just hoarding, because you're hoarding other people's stuff.
01:15:00.000 Right.
01:15:01.000 I mean, it really is other people's personal data, which we haven't really made the concession that if I use email, or if I make phone calls, or if I send texts, the government has all this.
01:15:13.000 We haven't made that concession yet.
01:15:14.000 Right, no.
01:15:14.000 But it seems to be a reality.
01:15:16.000 It is a reality.
01:15:16.000 Yeah.
01:15:17.000 Yeah.
01:15:18.000 But no one has agreed to that yet.
01:15:20.000 It's like, ah, freedom.
01:15:21.000 We need it for freedom.
01:15:22.000 And every time something like that goes to court, in an actual court, as opposed to their FISA courts, where we're not even allowed to know what they're asking for, when they go in regular court, they lose. 0.97
01:15:35.000 But then they just go and do it in the secret court that lets them do whatever the fuck they want.
01:15:39.000 Well, also, do you know how many times terrorist attacks have been stopped by tapping into people's phones and reviewing people's emails?
01:15:48.000 I'm gonna guess zero.
01:15:50.000 I would say zero.
01:15:52.000 Yeah, I'm gonna go with zero.
01:15:54.000 I mean, maybe one or two, but you know what they like to do that's adorable?
01:15:58.000 They like to create terror scenarios.
01:16:00.000 Have you paid attention to those?
01:16:02.000 Where they talk a guy into blowing something up, give him a bomb, and then arrest him when he tries to detonate the bomb because the bomb wasn't real in the first place?
01:16:07.000 Yeah, they used to do that to Black Panthers and everybody in the 60s and 70s. 1.00
01:16:12.000 They used to love that shit. 0.99
01:16:13.000 Yeah, and that was another thing that we learned about the Nixon administration with terms of the Civil rights movement and in terms of the anti-war movement. 1.00
01:16:22.000 Yeah, this is it.
01:16:23.000 This is the actual video itself.
01:16:25.000 He calls in two friends, both actors, to help stage the inaugural rally.
01:16:30.000 This man got a raw deal.
01:16:32.000 So it's Bill Murray and his brother, who's also an actor.
01:16:34.000 I forget his brother's name.
01:16:35.000 Tonight we're going to ask him to hide in us.
01:16:42.000 Ask Nixon to pardon us.
01:16:44.000 Ask Nixon to pardon us.
01:16:47.000 Ask Nixon to pardon us.
01:16:49.000 Ask Nixon to pardon us.
01:16:52.000 Now more than ever.
01:16:54.000 The meeting in Beverly Hills isn't a runaway success.
01:16:57.000 There's a total attendance of three.
01:17:01.000 That's the voice.
01:17:05.000 When I came here, I'll be honest, I didn't forgive him.
01:17:08.000 And why have you changed your mind?
01:17:11.000 Your speech, the excitement tonight.
01:17:13.000 I think I'm wearing that shirt.
01:17:14.000 Everything surrounding my mind is being changed tonight.
01:17:19.000 That dude's serious.
01:17:20.000 That dude's serious.
01:17:22.000 The Scientologists, they're watching that. 1.00
01:17:23.000 They're going, fuck, we could have got that guy. 1.00
01:17:25.000 We could have got that guy. 1.00
01:17:26.000 Now Nixon's got him. 1.00
01:17:27.000 Shit. 1.00
01:17:30.000 So that was what? 1.00
01:17:33.000 1978?
01:17:34.000 Yeah.
01:17:35.000 That's hilarious.
01:17:35.000 That's many years after Watergate.
01:17:38.000 Yeah.
01:17:39.000 Hilarious.
01:17:39.000 Yeah.
01:17:40.000 Well, they can't do that anymore, but this whole email thing, the Clinton email thing, that's bizarre.
01:17:47.000 That's a bizarre one.
01:17:48.000 You know what their problem is?
01:17:50.000 What?
01:17:51.000 They did Whitewater and, like, the Clintons beat him at Whitewater.
01:17:55.000 Right. 0.98
01:17:55.000 Even though he fucking pardoned people that worked for him who did time. 0.98
01:18:00.000 Right. 0.99
01:18:00.000 They beat Whitewater. 0.99
01:18:02.000 Explain what Whitewater was.
01:18:05.000 Because a lot of people think it's Watergate.
01:18:06.000 Okay.
01:18:07.000 When you're in government, you're privy to some things about where roads might go or where electricity might be routed.
01:18:20.000 You just get information.
01:18:22.000 And if you do that stuff, you could make real estate investments.
01:18:26.000 You can't profit from stuff like that.
01:18:29.000 That would be wrong.
01:18:30.000 But what if your wife was a consultant?
01:18:36.000 Oh.
01:18:36.000 That's not exactly how Whitewater went down, but that is how most of the corrupt politicians that you see operate.
01:18:46.000 Their wives have bullshit jobs, and the bribes are funneled through that in substantial part. 1.00
01:18:53.000 And so it could be greenlighting something, or it could be... 1.00
01:18:58.000 But yeah, it was just a real estate scandal.
01:19:00.000 And it was probably just real estate investments that went bad.
01:19:04.000 And their books probably were not in order, so then they had to keep their mouths shut. 0.96
01:19:08.000 They probably weren't really fucking around that much. 0.89
01:19:10.000 What's really fascinating is there's one that's more obvious and more blatant that no one bats an eye on, and that's the Dick Cheney-Halliburton connection. 0.81
01:19:18.000 I mean, it's not family and it's not marriage, but when you look at the fact that this guy was a CEO of Halliburton and Halliburton gets these no-bid contracts for...
01:19:28.000 Billions of dollars.
01:19:29.000 Yeah.
01:19:30.000 And elected officials are supposed to kind of sequester their assets in trusts, blind trusts, so that they don't really know if they're benefiting their ownership interest in Halliburton or Kellogg Brown and Root.
01:19:44.000 Whatever. 0.99
01:19:45.000 Yeah, no, it's bullshit. 1.00
01:19:46.000 Yeah, it's bullshit. 1.00
01:19:47.000 You're supposed to just pretend like you don't own it. 0.99
01:19:49.000 And if you put it on paper in a blind trust meant to benefit you and your assigns, you technically no longer own it.
01:19:57.000 Well, let's just be, like, the most optimistic possible.
01:20:01.000 Let's say Dick Cheney didn't profit from Hal Burton having all these no-bid contracts. 0.99
01:20:06.000 Then he's a fool. 0.99
01:20:06.000 But he still hooked up a buddy. 0.99
01:20:08.000 Yeah, yeah.
01:20:08.000 I mean, either way, he used to work there, man.
01:20:11.000 He used to be the CEO. Yeah, and then he hooked him up with selling $48 cases of soda.
01:20:18.000 $48.
01:20:19.000 Well, it would cost a lot of money to get soda to Iraq, in his defense.
01:20:23.000 Yeah, it doesn't.
01:20:25.000 It does not.
01:20:26.000 You could have put it on a plane.
01:20:27.000 You could have hired someone to carry it.
01:20:28.000 I know. 1.00
01:20:29.000 And for that, they could have built a fucking Coca-Cola plant. 0.99
01:20:33.000 Yeah, but you don't want cultural appropriation. 0.99
01:20:35.000 You know, go over there.
01:20:36.000 Cultural appropriation is terrible.
01:20:37.000 It's super bad.
01:20:38.000 Go over there with Coca-Cola.
01:20:40.000 That's colonialism, I think that is.
01:20:42.000 It's technically colonialism.
01:20:43.000 It's amazing that they pulled that off, and that's not under investigation.
01:20:49.000 But Whitewater... 0.98
01:20:50.000 Which is, you know, a fucked up real estate venture. 0.97
01:20:53.000 Yeah, like four million bucks worth of real estate versus, I don't know, a trillion dollars? 0.98
01:20:58.000 No, that may be incentive to go to war.
01:21:02.000 Yeah.
01:21:02.000 May be incentive to do certain actions that caused massive loss of life.
01:21:06.000 Well, I mean, they thought they were going to win and make a nice chunk of change.
01:21:10.000 Yeah, that's crazy. 0.99
01:21:11.000 Shit spun out of control, and they ended up making a lot of money. 1.00
01:21:15.000 And that's real. 0.97
01:21:16.000 What is the movie going to be like that we're going to eventually watch?
01:21:22.000 There's going to be a movie in maybe 10 or 15 years where it shows the madness that was the original Iraq War. 0.94
01:21:31.000 And the call to all these people that there was weapons of mass destruction and people testifying to them and realizing it was bullshit. 0.99
01:21:39.000 All the chaos involved and all the behind-the-scenes shit. 0.99
01:21:44.000 Like, someone's gonna do a badass movie, like a platoon, Oliver Stone-style movie about that war. 0.96
01:21:51.000 It's coming, right?
01:21:52.000 Yeah, probably.
01:21:53.000 I mean, they've done The Hurt Locker, they've done Zero Dark Thirty, they did the Tina Fey one in Afghanistan.
01:22:01.000 Yeah.
01:22:02.000 Tina Fey?
01:22:03.000 Yeah.
01:22:04.000 Is it a comedy?
01:22:05.000 Yeah.
01:22:06.000 Is this a comedy in Afghanistan? 0.70
01:22:07.000 It's called WTF, I think, or something like that.
01:22:09.000 Is this real?
01:22:10.000 Yeah, Whiskey Tango Foxtrot.
01:22:11.000 Has it been out yet?
01:22:14.000 There's too many movies.
01:22:15.000 You know what the problem is?
01:22:17.000 There are literally too many movies to watch because they don't stop making movies and you can never watch all the movies that have already been made. 0.99
01:22:23.000 So it's like being in debt but still buying shit. 0.85
01:22:25.000 There's no way you're gonna catch up on the great movies. 0.99
01:22:27.000 I can't watch all the superhero movies that come out.
01:22:30.000 There's too many of them.
01:22:31.000 I'm done, I think.
01:22:33.000 I'm done.
01:22:34.000 They're too obvious.
01:22:35.000 I want more Watchmen.
01:22:38.000 You know?
01:22:38.000 Yeah.
01:22:39.000 That was a real fucking superhero movie. 1.00
01:22:41.000 Like, that was a great movie. 0.99
01:22:42.000 I want more of those.
01:22:44.000 Come on, people.
01:22:45.000 Yeah.
01:22:46.000 You know?
01:22:47.000 Yeah.
01:22:48.000 I haven't...
01:22:48.000 That's like the last time I saw a superhero movie that felt like it grew up with me.
01:22:54.000 Do you know what I'm saying?
01:22:56.000 Did you read it before?
01:22:57.000 Did you know anything about it before the movie?
01:22:58.000 Nothing.
01:22:59.000 Knew nothing.
01:23:00.000 That helps that.
01:23:01.000 Yeah, because maybe I would be disappointed if I had read this stuff.
01:23:04.000 Yeah, they think they're fucking up your vision.
01:23:07.000 Yeah, that is a problem.
01:23:09.000 That's a problem if you're a hardcore fan.
01:23:11.000 Suicide Squad looks interesting, because I've never seen... 0.97
01:23:13.000 I didn't read that shit, but it's cool to see a bunch of villains get together and do something I've never seen them do. 0.97
01:23:19.000 Yeah, that'd be cool. 0.99
01:23:20.000 It looks really fascinating. 0.98
01:23:21.000 It looks like it's going to be really dark and creepy and shit. 0.95
01:23:24.000 Maybe it'd be fun. 0.98
01:23:25.000 It's totally possible that could be something like Watchmen.
01:23:28.000 But Watchmen's my favorite superhero movie, I think.
01:23:33.000 What's yours?
01:23:34.000 I was just trying to remember, like, I remember when I saw the Avengers, the first one, a couple years ago, when it first came out, and they fucked up New York, and everyone loved it.
01:23:42.000 Like, that was awesome, but it also could have been, it was the first time we saw the conglomeration of all the superheroes together.
01:23:48.000 I could go back and watch it now and probably have different thoughts on it.
01:23:50.000 Right, and if you do another one, well, we already know they get together.
01:23:54.000 Like, the whole charm of them getting together for the first time has been worn off.
01:23:58.000 And how are you going to get the Hulk to listen to you? 1.00
01:24:00.000 Get the fuck out of here, bitch. 1.00
01:24:01.000 I didn't buy any of that. 1.00
01:24:03.000 I'm like, he's not going to listen.
01:24:05.000 That's why he left.
01:24:06.000 He's sad.
01:24:06.000 He's gone.
01:24:07.000 You can't find him now.
01:24:09.000 He was the best Hulk, though.
01:24:10.000 That dude.
01:24:11.000 What's his name?
01:24:12.000 Ruffalo.
01:24:13.000 That was the best Hulk movie, I think.
01:24:14.000 Yeah, for sure.
01:24:16.000 He was full-on Bill Bixby.
01:24:18.000 Yeah, Mark Ruffalo's a badass actor.
01:24:20.000 I believe that he was smart enough to create the kind of conditions that would lead to him being the Hulk.
01:24:28.000 And he plays it so...
01:24:31.000 Like a guy...
01:24:35.000 When Eric Bana and Ed Norton did it, they kind of missed the point of like, no, you're a guy who turns into the Hulk like a lot. 0.99
01:24:42.000 You're fucking sick of it. 0.97
01:24:44.000 Like, it's not cool anymore. 1.00
01:24:46.000 You're just like, God fucking damn it. 1.00
01:24:49.000 I'm the fucking Hulk again. 1.00
01:24:50.000 Like, it's, you know, it's like being an alcoholic. 0.99
01:24:52.000 Like, blacking out and waking up in Tijuana.
01:24:55.000 That's the Hulk's life.
01:24:56.000 And then he has to move on.
01:24:57.000 Like, it's frustrating.
01:24:59.000 And like, he played that frustration really well.
01:25:02.000 You know what the number one problem with all the Hulk movies and all the Hulk comic books are?
01:25:07.000 Number one problem.
01:25:07.000 His pants.
01:25:09.000 What the fuck is going on? 1.00
01:25:11.000 Yeah, those pants would not survive. 1.00
01:25:13.000 He's so much bigger than Mark Ruffalo. 1.00
01:25:16.000 And those pants stretch to fit his gigantic ass, huge thighs. 1.00
01:25:23.000 But the shirt's off. 0.99
01:25:25.000 This is a related story to today.
01:25:26.000 I just typed in the Hulk on Google.
01:25:29.000 There's a guy.
01:25:31.000 He's going to fight ISIS. He looks like the Hulk.
01:25:36.000 This guy's going to fight ISIS. He looks like a gorilla.
01:25:39.000 He's like, that's the hairiest guy.
01:25:41.000 Persian Hulk. 0.58
01:25:42.000 Man, that guy's huge.
01:25:44.000 He wants to fight ISIS. Does he know they have guns?
01:25:47.000 Giant 24 stone bodybuilder.
01:25:50.000 I don't know how much that is.
01:25:51.000 I think a stone is 13 pounds.
01:25:52.000 Is that right?
01:25:54.000 Google it.
01:25:55.000 24? 1.00
01:25:56.000 How the fuck did he get that big at 24? 0.99
01:25:58.000 How long has that guy been doing steroids? 0.99
01:26:01.000 A giant man with a fierce expression is a cult following on Instagram where he posts what he does best.
01:26:07.000 Weightlifting.
01:26:09.000 This is just a guy that wants attention, and they're giving him attention. 0.99
01:26:12.000 This is so silly. 0.97
01:26:13.000 He's gonna stick his head back and flex his traps, and that's how he's gonna fight ISIS? I don't think that's gonna work. 0.98
01:26:19.000 I mean, he could probably throw tennis balls hard enough to kill someone.
01:26:23.000 Probably throw, like, five pound weights.
01:26:25.000 I don't think he'd kill anybody with a tennis ball.
01:26:27.000 No. 0.97
01:26:27.000 I mean, maybe, like, choke them. 0.97
01:26:31.000 Put something in it. 0.82
01:26:31.000 I mean, if you get it right in their mouth. 0.82
01:26:33.000 Even if you get it right in their mouth, you'd have to hold it in there.
01:26:36.000 Yeah, you're right.
01:26:36.000 They can breathe through their nose.
01:26:37.000 Yeah, and then you have to, like, cover their nose, and that would be what kills them. 0.95
01:26:41.000 I have to rework my plan to kill a bunch of people, because it involved tennis balls, and I realized it's not going to work. 0.98
01:26:47.000 It's not going to work. 0.96
01:26:47.000 It's not going to work. 0.96
01:26:48.000 You could get fucked up by a tennis ball. 1.00
01:26:50.000 You'd probably get some nice CTE from a headshot to the temple. 0.99
01:26:54.000 Like one of those tennis machines that serves.
01:26:56.000 Oh, yeah, American Gladiators.
01:26:58.000 Ka-plop, ka-plop, ka-plop.
01:27:01.000 If you see how fast one of those...
01:27:03.000 Who's like the best male?
01:27:05.000 Federer?
01:27:06.000 Is that the guy?
01:27:07.000 Is that the guy's name?
01:27:08.000 I think they're getting 180. 180?
01:27:12.000 180 miles an hour with a tennis ball?
01:27:14.000 I'll check right now.
01:27:15.000 Yeah, imagine catching that on the nose.
01:27:17.000 Yeah, you're going to get some CTE. You're going to get some sparks that will fly.
01:27:22.000 You're going to lose some memories.
01:27:23.000 You're going to get a black eye like George Bush.
01:27:26.000 163 is the fastest.
01:27:27.000 Woo! 0.99
01:27:28.000 That's fast. 1.00
01:27:29.000 God damn, that's fast. 1.00
01:27:30.000 Tennis ball. 1.00
01:27:31.000 Hitting you in the temple at 163 miles an hour.
01:27:34.000 And what is a golf ball then?
01:27:35.000 Golf ball is probably even faster, right?
01:27:38.000 Does that make sense?
01:27:38.000 Yeah, yeah, for sure.
01:27:39.000 Because it cuts the air better too, right?
01:27:41.000 It's also getting hit off of a solid piece of metal instead of just some strings.
01:27:45.000 Right, right, right.
01:27:45.000 And it's also getting hit today with these crazy flexi poles that have a certain amount of carbon fiber in them and they know exactly how to...
01:27:56.000 211. Yeah.
01:27:57.000 Whoa.
01:27:58.000 Yeah, because the arm is 11. My friend Ryan got hit in the head.
01:28:02.000 Ryan Parsons.
01:28:03.000 Shout out to Ryan Parsons. 0.99
01:28:04.000 He got hit in the head with a golf ball, a line drive, fucking teed him in the head, and he said he was fucked up for like six months. 0.99
01:28:12.000 This is unofficial, 237. Jesus Christ! 0.99
01:28:18.000 What's his name?
01:28:19.000 Ryan Winther?
01:28:20.000 Yep.
01:28:21.000 Jesus Christ. 1.00
01:28:22.000 That guy had some ass in that shot. 1.00
01:28:25.000 Show that again. 1.00
01:28:25.000 Look at all the ass that guy got in that shot. 1.00
01:28:27.000 Maybe that's his secret. 1.00
01:28:28.000 Like, everybody else works out the shoulders, and he's just like, nah, man, it's all in the ass. 1.00
01:28:32.000 Well, he's a big dude, too. 1.00
01:28:34.000 Like, look at his thighs and all that shit, but watch this. 1.00
01:28:36.000 Watch this. 1.00
01:28:37.000 Wham!
01:28:38.000 Wham! 1.00
01:28:39.000 Put that ass in there. 1.00
01:28:40.000 That spin? 1.00
01:28:41.000 Tiger's back is all fucked up. 0.99
01:28:43.000 He can't even play now because of all the torque he's put on his back over the years. 0.99
01:28:46.000 Really?
01:28:46.000 That's where all his powers come from.
01:28:49.000 They said that his stance and his stroke were unconventional.
01:28:53.000 So in the unconventional stance and stroke, I don't know if this is true or not, but did that put any pressure whatsoever on his spine in some weird way too?
01:29:00.000 Sure.
01:29:00.000 Yeah, the amount of twists...
01:29:02.000 He was killing the ball.
01:29:03.000 I mean, he also may or may not have been enhancing anything.
01:29:07.000 What are you saying?
01:29:07.000 I don't know him.
01:29:08.000 I don't know his doctors, but... 1.00
01:29:10.000 Why does he just get back on the shit? 1.00
01:29:12.000 Are they testing him? 1.00
01:29:12.000 I would have to be now. 1.00
01:29:14.000 Really?
01:29:15.000 They test people?
01:29:15.000 For golf?
01:29:16.000 For golf?
01:29:17.000 There's so much money.
01:29:18.000 When we pulled up the top ten earners the other day, I think we were doing the Fight Companion, I'd switched the amount of money they make from their sport to the amount of money they make from endorsements.
01:29:29.000 Three of the top four are golfers.
01:29:32.000 All of them make over $50 million a year in endorsements.
01:29:35.000 Yeah, because those are expensive products they're endorsing.
01:29:38.000 Yeah, well it's not just that.
01:29:39.000 It's the people that are endorsing them usually are run by golfers. 0.97
01:29:43.000 Like big time business investors, they fucking love making meetings on golf courses. 0.92
01:29:49.000 It's a point of focus and it's also a point of recreation because they gamble. 0.98
01:29:53.000 You know, and they'll, you know, make deals with each other on golf courses.
01:29:57.000 So if they have, like, Tiger Woods representing them, or Roger Federer, or whatever his name is, one of those dudes, one of those badass golfers do it, they, you know, they feel like they're cool.
01:30:08.000 Like, it makes their company cooler.
01:30:10.000 It's probably good for business.
01:30:11.000 They'll do a couple ads, and then they'll make them come out a couple times, play golf with their friends.
01:30:15.000 What's that?
01:30:16.000 Two of them are, not three.
01:30:17.000 But Roger Federer is making 60. He's a tennis player.
01:30:19.000 Good Lord.
01:30:20.000 And then LeBron is 54. Tiger's still up there, though, and he has barely played in the last couple years.
01:30:26.000 He made $45 million in endorsements last year.
01:30:27.000 That's incredible.
01:30:28.000 And what's really incredible about it, too, is that he went crashing to the ground, and then still, by the weight of his name, more than his accomplishments post-scandal, he's bounced back up to $45 million a year.
01:30:42.000 Whoa! 0.71
01:30:43.000 And look at what he made from actual playing.
01:30:47.000 Yeah, he made like 300,000, it says.
01:30:50.000 Yeah, that's incredible.
01:30:51.000 Look at Mickelson.
01:30:52.000 That's incredible.
01:30:54.000 I mean, that really is incredible that he's made that much money.
01:30:59.000 What a... 1.00
01:31:00.000 It's amazing how much money those fucking golfers make. 1.00
01:31:03.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:31:04.000 It's amazing.
01:31:05.000 I mean, he...
01:31:05.000 Yeah.
01:31:06.000 Even though he made almost nothing dollars playing golf last year.
01:31:10.000 And then $45 million.
01:31:12.000 Phil Mickelson, look at that guy.
01:31:13.000 Number three with $52.9 million.
01:31:16.000 And $50 million of it in endorsements.
01:31:18.000 That is insane.
01:31:19.000 So he's a super successful golfer.
01:31:22.000 $2.9 million in winnings.
01:31:24.000 It's not even winning tournaments either.
01:31:26.000 Oh, really?
01:31:27.000 He might have won a couple, if not at all, last year.
01:31:29.000 Oh, okay.
01:31:30.000 Second, third, fourth, fifth place.
01:31:32.000 So is he just a super famous guy?
01:31:33.000 Yeah, he's got money for showing up, too.
01:31:35.000 Yeah, he's been good.
01:31:36.000 He's been a great golfer for a long time.
01:31:40.000 Wow, and how about this Northern Ireland guy?
01:31:42.000 Rory McIlroy?
01:31:43.000 McIlroy, yeah.
01:31:44.000 McIlroy?
01:31:44.000 He's the new young guy.
01:31:46.000 McIlroy, homeboy.
01:31:47.000 I mean, I've never heard of him.
01:31:49.000 Have you heard of him?
01:31:49.000 Homeboy McIlroy?
01:31:50.000 No, I have not.
01:31:51.000 Okay, homeboy made $35 million.
01:31:53.000 So, yeah.
01:31:54.000 In endorsements.
01:31:55.000 Golf is nuts.
01:31:56.000 What a nutty game.
01:31:57.000 It's interesting how many rich people have attached themselves to that game. 0.99
01:32:00.000 What's the dumbest sport that somebody made a lot of money in an endorsement? 0.96
01:32:04.000 Curling? 0.99
01:32:04.000 How much do you think they make curling? 0.99
01:32:05.000 Yeah, look for the top curler. 1.00
01:32:07.000 Curler's getting mad when you bring this up, by the way. 0.98
01:32:09.000 A bunch of people in Canada got really pissed at me for talking shit about curling. 0.98
01:32:13.000 They actually got pissed. 0.99
01:32:15.000 Non-ironically.
01:32:16.000 Auto racing.
01:32:17.000 Well, auto racing is pretty badass, though.
01:32:19.000 Yeah.
01:32:20.000 Well, Earnhardt, you'd think Earnhardt would be cleaning up way more than everybody else.
01:32:26.000 Formula One.
01:32:27.000 Auto racing is amazing.
01:32:29.000 I mean, that, to me, is one of the craziest things to dedicate your life to.
01:32:34.000 Those Formula One guys?
01:32:36.000 My God.
01:32:38.000 It's interesting how that doesn't really fly over here, but yet we do like fast cars.
01:32:43.000 Why do we like NASCAR, but we don't like Formula One?
01:32:46.000 I think NASCAR... Well, didn't NASCAR start from bootlegging races?
01:32:53.000 Yeah. 0.98
01:32:54.000 So that's pretty fucking real. 0.98
01:32:56.000 It's pretty dope, actually. 0.98
01:32:58.000 Yeah. 0.99
01:32:58.000 So it's like, Formula One doesn't have that kind of fucking backstory. 0.99
01:33:01.000 It's like... 0.96
01:33:02.000 They used to have to have a trunk, whereas Formula One is just like really a race car.
01:33:07.000 NASCAR vehicles, they had to be able to store whiskey in them while they were avoiding the fuzz.
01:33:13.000 Well, yeah, like, I think the beauty of that is kind of like, for NASCAR, it sort of has to be a car that you could get.
01:33:21.000 You know, like, it's got to be based on a car that the rest of us could get.
01:33:24.000 Yeah. 0.97
01:33:25.000 You know, like, when somebody's just fucking crushing it in a Chevy, yeah! 0.98
01:33:29.000 Yeah. 0.99
01:33:29.000 Whereas opposed to when somebody's, like, it's a goddamn 14-foot needle with, like, wings on it. 0.99
01:33:36.000 Right. 0.98
01:33:37.000 Yeah.
01:33:38.000 And then there's the guy sitting in the cockpit, which is in the center, and he's exposed.
01:33:44.000 Those Ayrton Sina videos of him when he was at the top of the heap in racing and watching from his perspective...
01:33:53.000 Like, have you ever seen some of those videos?
01:33:55.000 No.
01:33:56.000 Dude, like, when you see the video from a perspective of a person actually driving the car, it's phenomenal.
01:34:03.000 I mean, it's amazing what a fast, insane experience it is to be in a Formula One car and make those turns.
01:34:11.000 Like, that to me is... 1.00
01:34:14.000 One of the most exciting things to watch in all of sports, because they're just, especially if you could look at it from their point of view, I mean, you're grabbing the cushions of the couch going, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. 1.00
01:34:23.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:34:24.000 Because they're making these split-second decisions.
01:34:27.000 They have to take these tight turns.
01:34:28.000 They're avoiding people around them.
01:34:30.000 They're trying to cut corners.
01:34:31.000 Like, look at this guy. 1.00
01:34:33.000 Look at this fucking car. 1.00
01:34:35.000 Listen to this. 1.00
01:34:38.000 Now, we're watching this video.
01:34:40.000 Jamie, what's the name of this video?
01:34:41.000 It says, first time ever eye-level camera Formula One.
01:34:46.000 This is probably what I've seen online.
01:34:49.000 Like... 0.96
01:34:49.000 This looks like so much goddamn fun. 0.96
01:34:53.000 Oh, yeah. 0.99
01:34:55.000 This guy is fucking flying in this thing. 0.99
01:34:58.000 And he doesn't have a windshield. 0.99
01:35:00.000 He has this little tiny windshield that's about six inches long.
01:35:03.000 Or six inches high, rather.
01:35:05.000 And he's got just goggles on and a face mask and the whole deal.
01:35:10.000 And a helmet.
01:35:11.000 But he's essentially exposed in this super rocket ship that's got a controlled explosion going on.
01:35:19.000 Yeah.
01:35:19.000 Flying around this track with amazing sounds.
01:35:25.000 Yeah, it's just...
01:35:27.000 It says they do up to 5Gs, and NASCAR gets up to only two.
01:35:32.000 Oh, I can imagine.
01:35:34.000 Oh, yeah.
01:35:35.000 5Gs is insane.
01:35:36.000 You probably have to have an insanely strong neck.
01:35:39.000 Yeah, well, I think your head's stuck in place by some gadget now. 0.99
01:35:44.000 I mean, it definitely is in NASCAR, because a lot of people got really fucked up. 0.98
01:35:48.000 Oh, really? 0.97
01:35:48.000 Ooh, a little correction there. 0.97
01:35:49.000 See that?
01:35:50.000 See that quick move of the hand?
01:35:51.000 Woo-hoo! 1.00
01:35:52.000 Ass end kicked out a little bit on him. 1.00
01:35:54.000 Dude, the fucking knobs on that car. 1.00
01:35:57.000 Insane. 1.00
01:35:58.000 Joe, do you know what those buttons do at all?
01:35:59.000 Yeah, what does the green number two knob do?
01:36:03.000 Well, all those lights that go across, those are indicating the RPMs because they have those in some cars.
01:36:09.000 So when you see his light go and it goes from green, you can see it in better images.
01:36:16.000 But he has, like, see there?
01:36:17.000 Those lights?
01:36:18.000 That's, like, to let him know most likely what his RPMs are at and when he's in danger of blowing his engine.
01:36:26.000 Nice.
01:36:27.000 I don't know if these guys have regulators on their engine. 1.00
01:36:29.000 Like, this is probably a stupid question. 1.00
01:36:31.000 Car people are going crazy. 1.00
01:36:32.000 Because, like, if you buy a new car today, they have rev limiters.
01:36:37.000 So you'll get to certain RPMs where you could fucking torch your engine and it'll back you off. 0.77
01:36:42.000 Okay. 0.95
01:36:43.000 Okay. 0.98
01:36:44.000 Goddamn, that looks fun though. 0.98
01:36:45.000 I get excited just watching that. 0.94
01:36:49.000 Adrenaline.
01:36:50.000 Yeah.
01:36:50.000 The thrill of the chase.
01:36:51.000 And what else?
01:36:52.000 What else, Mike Schmidt?
01:36:53.000 Victory.
01:36:54.000 Victory.
01:36:55.000 Yeah.
01:36:55.000 So you did this for 10 years, man.
01:36:58.000 Mm-hmm. 1.00
01:36:58.000 And then decided, fuck this, I'm going to be a comic? 1.00
01:37:01.000 Yeah. 0.99
01:37:02.000 Well, I was doing that on the side, but at one point I was like, hmm, they're never going to listen to this, so I guess I'm just going to go tell jokes.
01:37:10.000 Wow. 0.98
01:37:10.000 So you tried to enact some sort of reform, or you tried to at least say what the fuck's going on? 0.98
01:37:15.000 Yeah, but, you know, they don't listen, so... 0.98
01:37:18.000 And do you bring any of this up in your act?
01:37:20.000 No, no, because it's really depressing.
01:37:24.000 Yeah.
01:37:26.000 Yeah, right?
01:37:27.000 Like it's, you know.
01:37:29.000 To figure out a way to make that funny?
01:37:31.000 Yeah, yeah.
01:37:32.000 Because it's happening right now.
01:37:36.000 Like right now, somebody, since we started talking, is getting something onto a computer record.
01:37:42.000 Because we used to not have computer records.
01:37:44.000 And so now somebody's getting a computer record that they shoplifted. 0.67
01:37:47.000 So there goes all their entry-level employment fucking for, I don't know, three, four years? 0.95
01:37:54.000 Good luck with that. 0.98
01:37:55.000 Have fun filing for disability.
01:37:57.000 That just happened to somebody else.
01:37:59.000 And it's going to happen again in a couple more minutes.
01:38:03.000 It's not the sensational cases that get you.
01:38:06.000 It's the grinding.
01:38:08.000 It's the every single guy gets a little more than some...
01:38:12.000 It's just a gradual creep.
01:38:15.000 Mothers Against Drunk Driving keeps bringing the legal limit for alcohol down and down and down. 0.99
01:38:22.000 But they don't change the study that they have the cops point to to say why the field sobriety tests work.
01:38:28.000 So like in the 70s, the horizontal gaze nystagmus test would say that horizontal gaze nystagmus sets in prior to 45 degrees only if you're above a 0.2 or 0.2.
01:38:42.000 But then they redid the study, and now it's.15.
01:38:45.000 Explain what that means?
01:38:47.000 So, if you've ever seen somebody get pulled over by an officer, and then the officer has a bright light, and they're on the side of the road as a bunch of cars go past like fucking strobe lights, so they'll have you look at a pen, and then they'll trace it like this.
01:39:03.000 And so, prior to 45 degrees, your eyes should track very smoothly if I move it quickly.
01:39:10.000 If I move it slowly, there might be a little bit of stutter, but I'm supposed to do the test quickly.
01:39:16.000 And then, if I put it there and hold it, I look for a little bit of aggravated nystagmus.
01:39:20.000 And so, the National Highway Traffic and Safety Authority, or National Highway Traffic and Safety Board, put together this one, and then the one-leg stand, and the walk and turn test.
01:39:31.000 And they say that You can tell if somebody's drunk if they fail these tests.
01:39:35.000 The tests aren't accurate at all.
01:39:38.000 And they were originally picked in the 70s when the limit was higher.
01:39:41.000 And they would say that these tests will only detect somebody above.20.
01:39:45.000 And then when they changed the legal limit, they didn't change the test.
01:39:49.000 So, remember in the 70s, your eyes weren't going to quiver over here unless you're above.20.
01:39:57.000 But now in the 80s, they're telling cops that the eyes will quiver above.10.
01:40:03.000 And now here in the 2000s, they're telling cops that the eyes will quiver at that point above.08.
01:40:11.000 So they've changed the data to correspond with the new laws.
01:40:14.000 They didn't change the data even.
01:40:16.000 They just said that it still works, even though the point of that test was to pick people up above a much higher limit.
01:40:25.000 They're looking for people at.15.
01:40:28.000 So not the data, but the number that they use to determine whether or not you're drunk or sober.
01:40:33.000 How did they make that?
01:40:34.000 No, the method.
01:40:35.000 No, what I'm saying is it's not a real test.
01:40:37.000 Right, but they lowered the limit, right?
01:40:39.000 Like the limit used to be 2.0.
01:40:40.000 Yep.
01:40:41.000 And now what is it now?
01:40:41.000 1.6?
01:40:42.000 Now it's 0.08.
01:40:43.000 0.08, sorry.
01:40:45.000 What did they use to determine, I mean, if that was what was originally established, that you had to do this, the field sobriety test would indicate that someone was about, how, once the limit got lowered, how do they keep that same test?
01:40:58.000 Like, what do they use to...
01:40:59.000 They just didn't care.
01:41:00.000 But what do they say in the booklet?
01:41:02.000 They just changed the booklet.
01:41:04.000 So they just changed the number?
01:41:06.000 You could see it at.08 with no data to back it up at all? 0.51
01:41:09.000 My dad's got the fucking manual from the 70s, he's got the manual from the 80s, he's got the manual from the 90s, he's got the manual from today.
01:41:17.000 That seems so weird. 0.99
01:41:19.000 No, they don't even care.
01:41:19.000 But you assume though, right, wouldn't you, that if someone fails that test, that test would indicate they're 2.0.
01:41:26.000 Well, they'll definitely 0.8 then, so really they don't have to change it.
01:41:30.000 But scientifically, they probably should establish when...
01:41:34.000 But they're using it for proof that somebody is a 0.08, when it's only effective to prove that they're 0.15 or above.
01:41:42.000 Right.
01:41:42.000 Yeah.
01:41:43.000 So this test is designed for people at 0.15 to fail, and they're saying people at 0.08 are failing it.
01:41:50.000 The thing is, though, so they...
01:41:51.000 Just 0.08?
01:41:52.000 I mean, when they test them with a breathalyzer, so they just barely make it illegal, but they still fail the field sobriety test?
01:41:58.000 Is that what you're saying?
01:41:59.000 Yeah.
01:41:59.000 Yeah.
01:41:59.000 So it's subjective.
01:42:01.000 Yeah, the tests are subjective, and we pretend that one leg stand with seven potential cues is somehow an effective way of looking at somebody and telling if they're drunk. 0.97
01:42:12.000 It's fucking eyeballing it. 0.96
01:42:13.000 Just look at them. 0.99
01:42:14.000 What if somebody passes a test?
01:42:16.000 Like, what if you pull them over, they pass a test, but then they don't want to take any further test?
01:42:20.000 Like, look, I passed your test. 1.00
01:42:22.000 I did all your shit. 1.00
01:42:22.000 I don't want to take any breathalyzer. 1.00
01:42:24.000 In most of the states of the Union, you're required to give a sample of your blood, breath, or urine.
01:42:28.000 And if you don't, then they'll charge you with refusal.
01:42:32.000 That's a Fourth Amendment, Fifth Amendment violation, if ever there was one.
01:42:36.000 But because the police win most of their arguments...
01:42:40.000 It's mostly okay.
01:42:42.000 Why is it a violation?
01:42:44.000 Well, because you can't be forced to give evidence against yourself.
01:42:47.000 And they want you to give evidence from you that they'll use to convict you.
01:42:51.000 And they want to do that at the scene of the crime with no legal representation.
01:42:56.000 It's not like you have your lawyer there, you say, hey, Mr. Lawyer. 0.99
01:43:00.000 Yeah, they're saying, we could only prove that you drove drunk if you give us your fucking blood, so now give us your blood. 0.98
01:43:07.000 So they used to be forcing blood draws and doing that stuff without warrants. 0.99
01:43:11.000 And a couple years ago, the Supreme Court was like, you guys need to get warrants for this stuff.
01:43:16.000 But the thing is, now they get warrants.
01:43:18.000 But isn't it problematic that it takes a long time to get a warrant?
01:43:21.000 I mean, how long does it take to get a warrant?
01:43:22.000 Like, say if a guy gets pulled over, you say, oh, this dude's drunk.
01:43:24.000 Hey, man, give me some blood.
01:43:26.000 No, I'm not going to give you any blood.
01:43:27.000 All right, we've got to call the cops.
01:43:28.000 Ten minutes.
01:43:28.000 Ten minutes?
01:43:29.000 It can be faster.
01:43:30.000 Really?
01:43:30.000 Yeah.
01:43:31.000 Oh, see, I was always...
01:43:32.000 No, telephonic warrants are fine.
01:43:33.000 Rockford Files.
01:43:34.000 Yeah.
01:43:35.000 No, like, some jurisdictions' warrants do take time, but other places you can be issued a warrant over the telephone.
01:43:41.000 But what if he gets to make a phone call and he calls Governor Clinton and Governor Clinton says, uh...
01:43:45.000 Oh, yeah, you don't have to let him call.
01:43:46.000 Hey, listen.
01:43:47.000 You don't need help.
01:43:49.000 I know a guy who knows a guy.
01:43:51.000 Why don't you just let him drive home?
01:43:54.000 We could take the test in a little while.
01:43:56.000 He's not prepared.
01:43:57.000 We need to go over this paperwork first. 0.99
01:43:59.000 But yeah, so those tests are bullshit. 0.99
01:44:02.000 And they use them because really it's just the officer needs to be able to sit up there and say that you did some shit wrong. 0.99
01:44:08.000 Okay, so let me say this. 0.95
01:44:09.000 So if you are a criminal defense attorney, you get a guy who's on a drunk driving case.
01:44:16.000 The cops busted him, but they busted him by forcing him to give blood.
01:44:21.000 How do you defend that?
01:44:24.000 First, you look at the stop.
01:44:26.000 So you find out how long they were following him, and how much good driving and how much bad driving they viewed.
01:44:35.000 So for that, you would, I mean, if you want to do a good job, let's say you're defending a very, very rich person who has the money to pay for this.
01:44:43.000 Right.
01:44:43.000 Bill Gates.
01:44:44.000 You're defending Bill Gates.
01:44:45.000 So you're going to order the squad video and then you're going to open records request the radio communications and the teletypes from the squad car to everyone else because they might be saying something racist or they might be saying something...
01:44:58.000 So you pull the teletypes, and then you're going to want the conduct records of all the officers, and then you're going to want to find out if you can pursue any administrative appeals of a temporary suspension of the license.
01:45:09.000 So you're going to do that because two reasons.
01:45:12.000 One, you don't want your client's license suspended, and two, you might also find some things because you might be able to get a couple of records and force the cops to show up and drop some paperwork off for you that you have in advance.
01:45:23.000 Then you're going to look at the stop and you're going to file a motion saying that the stop was illegal because of X, Y, and Z. Then you'll argue about the bail conditions.
01:45:33.000 Then you'll wait about six to eight weeks for the blood test results to come back as soon as they come back or even before You file a motion that you've been working on saying that the blood test results are problematic because they were illegally drawn or the facility is not accredited or the person who administered the test is not accredited or the machine has not been maintained properly.
01:45:58.000 At the same time, you order the reports for the machine maintenance because you'll find that when they do the blanks, sometimes they're not...
01:46:06.000 when they run them through a gas chromatograph mass spectrometer or whatever system they're going to use, When they do these samples, I mean, these are guys with technical college degrees or bachelor's degrees that have taken a six to eight week course.
01:46:19.000 And they might be pretty good at it, but there are still fuck ups.
01:46:22.000 And so sometimes things come in and they're not sealed. 0.72
01:46:25.000 Sometimes there's a problem with the vacutainer that they use for the blood draw.
01:46:29.000 And sometimes the stuff that they put in the vacutainer in advance Wow.
01:46:45.000 Wow.
01:46:58.000 Every step of the way where anything happens, you have a question about it.
01:47:02.000 So, was the machine properly? 0.99
01:47:04.000 And who programmed these fucking machines? 0.99
01:47:06.000 Can I see the code? 0.99
01:47:07.000 Because if I can't see the code to the machine, We can't say at all if this machine works, if we don't know the code.
01:47:18.000 And for a lot of these devices, the code is proprietary and they won't give you the code.
01:47:25.000 So they won't allow you to know how some of the machines they use to watch you work. 0.94
01:47:30.000 So you can't, as an attorney or as a defendant, you can't actually point to a problem and say, see, you didn't carry the one and you doubled my fucking result. 0.54
01:47:42.000 You know, like, this shows that it was... 0.76
01:47:44.000 I'm patient 4863. This is for this.
01:47:48.000 Sometimes they won't give you those records.
01:47:50.000 And so then you have a problem. 0.99
01:47:52.000 You hope, actually, that they don't give you shit. 0.99
01:47:55.000 Because when they do give you shit, it's proof that it's generally in working order. 1.00
01:47:59.000 But when shit comes late, it means there's a fucking problem. 1.00
01:48:01.000 And that's when you know you smell blood and you start to chase that down. 1.00
01:48:05.000 Right?
01:48:06.000 You know?
01:48:07.000 So, like, and then the next point you do is you go and you try and settle the case, and you think, here are the guidelines, because most OWIs guideline offenses, most places, because people get a first one, and then they get a second, and a third, and a fourth, and a fifth.
01:48:21.000 And even though the penalties go up, it's crazy, because the more OWIs people have, the less dangerous they tend to be during those OWIs.
01:48:28.000 Like, sevens will hit parked cars all fucking day, but they don't kill people. 0.99
01:48:33.000 Twos kill people. 1.00
01:48:35.000 First defense drunk drivers, they fucking kill people. 1.00
01:48:38.000 So people just get better at drunk driving? 1.00
01:48:41.000 Is that what you're saying?
01:48:41.000 Absolutely.
01:48:42.000 They do.
01:48:42.000 It's horrifying.
01:48:44.000 But yeah, they do.
01:48:45.000 Makes sense.
01:48:45.000 Practice makes perfect.
01:48:46.000 Yeah, with everything in life.
01:48:47.000 And they take certain roads and they drive slower.
01:48:49.000 They compensate for it.
01:48:51.000 They're not...
01:48:51.000 I mean, they're used to being drunk.
01:48:52.000 They're alcoholics.
01:48:54.000 You know?
01:48:55.000 Dude, that was terrifying.
01:48:57.000 The surgical preciseness to the way you broke down the process of...
01:49:02.000 And what is the difference between a rich person and someone who gets an attorney assigned to them by the state?
01:49:09.000 Okay.
01:49:11.000 You want to get...
01:49:13.000 I mean, you want to get...
01:49:14.000 Like, pick a crime.
01:49:15.000 Well, let's use the same crime.
01:49:17.000 Okay.
01:49:17.000 Someone who's drunk driving who is a poor guy who gets pulled over and you're handling him.
01:49:22.000 Okay.
01:49:22.000 And you can't do all those things you wanted to do.
01:49:24.000 No, you can't do those things.
01:49:25.000 So what you have to do is you've got to do everything that you can do on that list.
01:49:30.000 Because in 90% of those times, or maybe even 99% of the time...
01:49:38.000 Those avenues will be completely fruitless. 0.99
01:49:42.000 Those won't get you shit. 0.97
01:49:44.000 Because, you know, stops are routinely rubber stamped, warrants rubber stamped, and the machines are generally agreed to be in working order. 0.98
01:49:55.000 And in a lot of places, there are statutes meant to protect you from even being able to get this information.
01:50:00.000 So, eh.
01:50:01.000 But...
01:50:03.000 Things that really do work are like, bring their family to sentencing. 0.87
01:50:09.000 Because most people who are convicted of crimes have been convicted of a couple of crimes, and nobody shows up for them anymore, and nobody gives a shit about them. 0.86
01:50:16.000 And what's going to happen is they're going to go in, and they're going to do their time, and they're going to get out, and nobody's going to give shit about them, and then they're going to do something else, and then they're going to go back in. 0.93
01:50:23.000 But if you've got a family there, the judge can see... 1.00
01:50:27.000 Well, somebody still cares about this asshole. 0.99
01:50:29.000 Somebody still thinks there's some good in him. 1.00
01:50:31.000 I bet there's some good in him.
01:50:32.000 And I got a couple people who are willing to show up and watch him take his medicine.
01:50:38.000 Watch him see that... 0.99
01:50:39.000 Watch him admit he fucked up and promise to try to be better. 0.96
01:50:42.000 So these guys are kind of on our side. 0.98
01:50:44.000 These guys are going to try and help this guy not come back here.
01:50:47.000 And that will shorten your sentence.
01:50:49.000 If you have supportive people in your side of the room, that will shorten your sentence.
01:50:55.000 Um...
01:50:57.000 Things that are open to rich people. 1.00
01:51:00.000 Almost all expert witnesses are whores. 1.00
01:51:04.000 People would ask me, how do you choose an expert? 0.99
01:51:10.000 And I'd be like, I just ask everybody else what kind of expert they use.
01:51:14.000 And I'm like, what if the expert says something you don't want them to say?
01:51:18.000 I'm like, that does not happen.
01:51:20.000 And they're like, do you tell the expert what to say?
01:51:24.000 No.
01:51:25.000 The expert knows if a prosecution or defense or plaintiff or defendant calls them.
01:51:32.000 They know which side you're on. 0.94
01:51:33.000 And miraculously, every fucking expert I've ever offered money to, to give me their honest and completely unbiased opinion, has said I was right. 0.95
01:51:44.000 What are the odds? 0.99
01:51:46.000 Every single fucking one. 1.00
01:51:47.000 You must really know how to pick quality attorneys. 1.00
01:51:49.000 I guess.
01:51:50.000 Or quality professionals.
01:51:51.000 Quality experts.
01:51:52.000 Quality experts.
01:51:53.000 But, yeah, what I'm saying is like, they're just... 1.00
01:51:55.000 They're whores. 1.00
01:51:56.000 They're whores, and they will say anything. 1.00
01:51:58.000 And there's a business in being a whore, so like... 1.00
01:52:00.000 Like, if you're looking for a guy who's a DNA expert, or you're looking for a guy who's a chemical expert, like, you know the guy to call because other friends have used him on similar cases. 0.97
01:52:10.000 Yep. 1.00
01:52:10.000 And there are guys, I mean, they're all whores. 1.00
01:52:13.000 There are some guys who are solid, because whores do tell the truth. 1.00
01:52:17.000 You know, like, whores do important work, but... 1.00
01:52:21.000 They are whores. 1.00
01:52:23.000 And you should never forget that. 1.00
01:52:25.000 That's something I think Republicans get when they argue about climate change. 0.99
01:52:29.000 That's why they don't listen to the fucking billion scientists on one side. 0.99
01:52:33.000 Because they know, like, oh, you can just buy a study. 0.99
01:52:35.000 They don't realize that these are the studies that weren't bought.
01:52:39.000 And that you should actually believe these, but they know how it is.
01:52:43.000 Because they've seen that happen over and over and over again.
01:52:46.000 Like Monsanto buys studies, and they bury studies.
01:52:49.000 And attorneys do the same thing. 0.99
01:52:51.000 They hire an expert, and miraculously the expert just agrees with them. 1.00
01:52:55.000 Every fucking time. 0.99
01:52:56.000 I don't know how it works. 0.99
01:52:58.000 I would expect that I would hire an expert sometime and they would say, you know, Schmidt, you're wrong.
01:53:04.000 These fingerprints are a match, but...
01:53:07.000 Never?
01:53:08.000 No.
01:53:09.000 Now, do you think that this is because...
01:53:12.000 I mean, are you communicating with these guys beforehand?
01:53:14.000 Like, when you hire an expert, do you have any...
01:53:16.000 I never, ever said anything to any of them about how I wanted them to say anything.
01:53:24.000 And how much do you pay in these guys?
01:53:25.000 Like, say if you bring a guy who's a fingerprints guy. 0.96
01:53:27.000 If you, okay, if you're a public defender's office, you can pay no more than a grand, or $1,500 I think it is, and you gotta pay it out of your own pocket, and then they'll reimburse you in like six months after the trial's done.
01:53:41.000 So, you don't have experts, functionally.
01:53:44.000 If you got money, an expert can run you $15,000.
01:53:50.000 But it depends on the type of case, if it's medical or if it's...
01:53:54.000 And the state will fly...
01:53:56.000 This is a beautiful thing.
01:53:58.000 If you throw piss on a guard, do you know it's hard for them to tell that it's piss?
01:54:04.000 But it's a felony in most jurisdictions to throw urine on security personnel at a prison.
01:54:10.000 It's called gassing.
01:54:11.000 But it costs extra money because there are actually very few experts who can say that this is urine that this person threw on him.
01:54:24.000 Like the test for urine versus...
01:54:28.000 It's just it costs money to fly someone to say that this guy did throw piss on this guard and here's a scientist who can say beyond a reasonable doubt that was piss.
01:54:40.000 They really have to fly someone from Philadelphia sometimes to Wisconsin to say that was piss. 0.99
01:54:48.000 That's how fucked up our system is. 0.99
01:54:51.000 That to prove beyond a reasonable doubt that it was piss in a felony trial, we need a scientist. 1.00
01:54:59.000 So no wonder they're fucking whores, because that's the shit we put up. 1.00
01:55:03.000 Like, we make them privy or part of our little stupid disputes like that continuously, and it warps them just the same way it warps everyone else. 1.00
01:55:12.000 Oof. 0.99
01:55:13.000 God, God.
01:55:14.000 What a bleak picture.
01:55:18.000 Well, but the important thing to remember is most people are outside and having fun most of the time.
01:55:22.000 Right, most of the time.
01:55:23.000 But not important, because what if something happens, and you happen to be driving while black, and all of a sudden you're in the same situation that you described.
01:55:31.000 Right.
01:55:32.000 Where you wind up getting extracted from this beautiful outside world.
01:55:36.000 Yeah.
01:55:37.000 And stuck in it.
01:55:38.000 That's something that we all have to do something about, and...
01:55:41.000 If anybody's got ideas.
01:55:43.000 Well, I think talking about it is huge.
01:55:46.000 I wasn't aware of it to the extent, obviously I have zero knowledge of what it's like in Madison, Wisconsin, other than the few times I've visited.
01:55:53.000 So hearing you describe it, and especially zero knowledge of what it's like inside the criminal justice system, but hearing you describe it, It's pretty disheartening.
01:56:04.000 It's atrocious.
01:56:05.000 It's scary, and it seems inexcusable.
01:56:08.000 It seems like if you're looking at the raw data, as far as what happens to people if they're black and what happens to people if they're white, if they're first offenders. 1.00
01:56:15.000 It's garbage. 1.00
01:56:16.000 It's scary. 0.98
01:56:17.000 And our best idea was teaching some children to garden.
01:56:22.000 I mean, yeah.
01:56:24.000 You know, I was in Yellowstone recently, and it was really beautiful.
01:56:29.000 But one of the things that was freaking me out was that it was created by an act of Congress in 1872. And I was thinking, good Lord, like 1872, you know, I was alive in 1972. That's not that long ago.
01:56:42.000 That's like fairly recently.
01:56:44.000 And then I was thinking, that's only seven years after slavery was abolished.
01:56:49.000 Mm-hmm.
01:56:49.000 Then I looked it up, and it's 14 years before the creation of the gasoline-powered automobile.
01:56:56.000 I'm like, this is amazing.
01:56:59.000 It's amazing how recent all this is.
01:57:02.000 I was talking...
01:57:05.000 With someone...
01:57:06.000 Oh, Byron Bowers.
01:57:08.000 Do you know Byron?
01:57:09.000 Hilarious stand-up comedian?
01:57:11.000 And Byron was talking about...
01:57:13.000 Byron's black, and he was talking about his grandmother remembering his great-grandmother telling her about the invention of the cotton gin.
01:57:24.000 With Eli Whitney?
01:57:25.000 Yeah.
01:57:25.000 Like, she was around for that.
01:57:28.000 That's fucked up. 1.00
01:57:29.000 And... 1.00
01:57:31.000 You know, he was talking about different relatives that he had, you know, great grandmothers and what have you, that were slaves.
01:57:39.000 And, you know, it really hits home. 0.93
01:57:43.000 We go, that is so, like, for us, we grow up, and when you're a little kid, and you hear 1865, you go, wow, that was fucking forever ago. 0.74
01:57:51.000 Yeah.
01:57:52.000 But as life goes on, the perspective sort of comes clearer and clearer into focus when you realize, oh my god, like, that was a blink ago.
01:57:59.000 Yeah.
01:57:59.000 1865 was essentially a cultural blink ago, and when you look at, like, the history of China, or the history of England, even.
01:58:07.000 Yeah. 0.95
01:58:07.000 I mean, this massive, long history, and then the United States, you know, 1865 is fucking nothing. 0.95
01:58:13.000 Yeah, we're a really young country. 0.86
01:58:17.000 There's countries that are seven times as old as we are.
01:58:24.000 I want to say one more thing about that criminal justice system.
01:58:28.000 It's weird because, yeah, gas-powered automobile, electricity, telecommunications, space travel, end of slavery, and we still have fundamentally the same criminal justice system.
01:58:40.000 We didn't improve on it one bit.
01:58:43.000 We added a couple things, but it's not fundamentally different.
01:58:49.000 It's the Dana Law.
01:58:51.000 Vikings used to use it, and then it became the English Common Law.
01:58:55.000 What should it be?
01:58:57.000 What do you think?
01:58:58.000 Is there an ideal system that someone has proposed?
01:59:01.000 No.
01:59:02.000 No, I don't think there's an ideal system, but I do think that right now a country of 346 million people...
01:59:08.000 Is it that many?
01:59:09.000 Yeah, there's more than 300 million people.
01:59:11.000 Are you counting Mexicans?
01:59:12.000 Yeah.
01:59:13.000 They're people.
01:59:14.000 346 million?
01:59:15.000 I think so, yeah.
01:59:16.000 But is that, like, is that the official? 0.89
01:59:18.000 It's a shitload. 0.99
01:59:19.000 Goddammit. 1.00
01:59:20.000 But how many illegal aliens are supposed to be here? 0.94
01:59:22.000 Well, none are supposed to be here.
01:59:24.000 I mean, allegedly.
01:59:25.000 Okay.
01:59:26.000 How many are allegedly here?
01:59:27.000 How many have been counted?
01:59:28.000 How many are supposed to be here?
01:59:31.000 By God's law, they can go wherever they want, Mike.
01:59:34.000 You know, I think they...
01:59:35.000 I don't have a problem with immigration.
01:59:36.000 Sounds like you do.
01:59:37.000 No.
01:59:38.000 Putting you on your back heels.
01:59:39.000 I mean, I think we should let everybody in that wants to come.
01:59:43.000 It's kind of the idea of the country.
01:59:44.000 Obviously, you don't live in Orange County.
01:59:46.000 Yeah. 0.99
01:59:47.000 You'd want to fucking die if more people moved there. 0.99
01:59:49.000 Oh, yeah. 0.99
01:59:50.000 Well, I mean, Nebraska's got room.
01:59:53.000 It does.
01:59:53.000 If you fly over the country, you realize there's a lot of spots.
01:59:55.000 Yeah, there's a lot of spots, and we're kind of being dicks. 0.93
01:59:58.000 Like, there's some people who are like, I don't want to live in Libya. 0.99
02:00:01.000 Yeah, no shit. 1.00
02:00:02.000 Come on, fucking come over here. 1.00
02:00:03.000 Well, President Trump's going to build a nice wall and stop everything. 0.99
02:00:09.000 See, what I think we should do is, I think we should fucking put the feelers out, put the vibes out, and then if we see, like, a population that gets treated like shit, we should fucking just steal them. 0.99
02:00:20.000 Just like, you know, there's countries where it's illegal to be homosexual, but... 0.99
02:00:25.000 You know, like, we got room.
02:00:27.000 We should just be like, hey, we'll take all of them.
02:00:30.000 Every single one.
02:00:30.000 Usually they make a lot of money, they got a lot of discretionary income, because most of the time they don't have kids, they go for the economy.
02:00:35.000 Why the fuck not? 0.98
02:00:36.000 You know, come on over. 0.99
02:00:37.000 What do you think is going to happen if Trump becomes president and we have this social justice warrior president of Canada, their prime minister is like, they're going to explore the idea of gender neutral identity cards.
02:00:48.000 Like, okay, folks.
02:00:49.000 Yeah.
02:00:49.000 You can't just, like, what do you tell the cops?
02:00:51.000 Mr. or Mrs. I'm Z. Z-H-E-E. Yeah.
02:00:54.000 What jail do we put in you? 1.00
02:00:56.000 Do we put you in the gender-neutral jail? 1.00
02:00:58.000 Or do you go in the men's... 1.00
02:00:59.000 Do you have a dick, dude? 1.00
02:01:00.000 Can I say... 1.00
02:01:00.000 Okay, you're a guy. 1.00
02:01:01.000 I mean, it's kind of juvenile that we... 1.00
02:01:04.000 Like, oh, you murdered somebody, but you have a penis. 1.00
02:01:06.000 You murdered somebody, but you have a vagina. 1.00
02:01:08.000 You have to go to separate facilities, murderers. 1.00
02:01:10.000 Well, they should, because otherwise they'll fuck, and they'll create murderer babies. 1.00
02:01:14.000 Well... 1.00
02:01:15.000 I mean, they're not all gonna fuck, and some of them, it's kind of like, why do we even care? 1.00
02:01:20.000 Because they're gonna fuck each other. 1.00
02:01:22.000 Yeah, but dudes are gonna fuck dudes, and that's the punishment for being in jail. 1.00
02:01:25.000 If you lock people up with hot criminal girls, then you get a porno movie. 1.00
02:01:28.000 I mean, yeah, that is. 0.89
02:01:30.000 Cage cheat, you're right.
02:01:31.000 We can't have cage cheat.
02:01:33.000 That's what it is.
02:01:35.000 They're just gonna bang each other. 1.00
02:01:36.000 Alright, I agree with the policy, then.
02:01:38.000 If it results in women in prison films. 1.00
02:01:41.000 Yeah.
02:01:42.000 Can't argue with that.
02:01:43.000 It's always the guard.
02:01:44.000 It's always the female guard that gets seduced, like that Tupac song. 0.99
02:01:46.000 Oh, yeah.
02:01:47.000 Remember?
02:01:49.000 When I get free.
02:01:54.000 He was seducing the guard.
02:01:55.000 I mean, you know, there was a guard.
02:01:58.000 There was like some movie about a guard that had a relationship with some guy who was a prisoner. 0.99
02:02:04.000 This dude could apparently lie on his back without touching his penis. 1.00
02:02:08.000 He could make his dick erect and he could ejaculate. 1.00
02:02:12.000 But he had time to practice. 1.00
02:02:14.000 Yeah, but I mean, that is amazing.
02:02:17.000 But see, these are urban myths, man.
02:02:20.000 It's hard to tell. 1.00
02:02:21.000 There's no camera on this dude's dick. 1.00
02:02:23.000 Right. 1.00
02:02:24.000 I mean, yeah, if he could really do it, did he die in prison?
02:02:29.000 I don't know.
02:02:30.000 It's a good question.
02:02:30.000 Because if you could do that and you didn't die in prison, somebody probably paid you money to film it.
02:02:35.000 Alright, let me ask you this.
02:02:36.000 It's the subject of restitution.
02:02:37.000 Do you think a guy should get off with time served plus restitution if you can make... 0.99
02:02:44.000 Dick porn in jail, like say if that guy didn't do anything like too terrible, maybe just robbed a bunch of liquor stores or something like that, and all of a sudden he's in jail, and he realizes that he's practiced by himself in his zen room so long that he could get his dick hard and come all over himself. 0.98
02:02:59.000 People would pay money to see that. 0.99
02:03:01.000 So if he starts like his own, I jizz on myself, website from jail, webcam service, makes a lot of money, he gives it to the victims.
02:03:09.000 Yeah, no, I mean, I think it's constructive.
02:03:11.000 I think it's helpful.
02:03:13.000 I think he should start by, I think anyone who's interested in doing that, whatever correctional facility they're in, perhaps write to the judge that sentenced you and request that you do the same, or just an opportunity.
02:03:24.000 I have no doubt that people can do that because if someone can have a wet dream, that means their fantasy is allowing them to ejaculate.
02:03:31.000 So I think there's some people that have done some really amazing things with their mind, right?
02:03:35.000 Like there's people that practice kundalini yoga and they get to some place where they can have some trance and they have psychedelic states.
02:03:42.000 I'm not...
02:03:43.000 I believe it.
02:03:44.000 I'm not skeptical.
02:03:45.000 I mean, I bet you could do it.
02:03:47.000 Like, I bet that sounds like something where if you practiced, if you just waited... 0.98
02:03:52.000 Because there's dudes who jizz in their pants when women walk up to them. 1.00
02:03:56.000 Ooh. 0.94
02:03:56.000 Like, this is just, like, a little bit more removed. 0.94
02:03:59.000 Right.
02:04:00.000 The fact that that dude did it for the guard...
02:04:03.000 Kapow! 0.99
02:04:03.000 Yeah. 0.99
02:04:04.000 Better know what's up.
02:04:05.000 Yeah.
02:04:05.000 This is the kind of power I'm dealing with.
02:04:07.000 Yeah.
02:04:07.000 Like on command?
02:04:09.000 At salad bar?
02:04:10.000 But it must happen because that's what also happened up in upstate New York when those guys got free and those murders, they tracked them to Canada.
02:04:16.000 The woman was supposed to let them out. 1.00
02:04:18.000 They escaped and the woman was supposed to meet them outside. 1.00
02:04:20.000 Remember that?
02:04:21.000 Yep.
02:04:22.000 That was the same situation.
02:04:23.000 Homely lady.
02:04:24.000 Oh, yeah, yeah.
02:04:24.000 Fairly handsome dude.
02:04:25.000 Thought they were going to have a relationship.
02:04:27.000 Yep.
02:04:29.000 When I first started visiting prisons for clients, this guy who was a former...
02:04:36.000 I think it was former secretary of the Department of Corrections.
02:04:39.000 He was our criminal law professor. 0.99
02:04:41.000 Ran us through a whole bunch of shit we have to watch out for when we go into prison. 0.99
02:04:45.000 And one of them was inmates trying to seduce you. 1.00
02:04:49.000 Oh, shit. 1.00
02:04:49.000 Yeah. 1.00
02:04:50.000 Even dudes?
02:04:51.000 Yeah.
02:04:52.000 Well, they got nothing going on.
02:04:54.000 Right.
02:04:55.000 Just try it.
02:04:55.000 Yeah.
02:04:56.000 No judgment.
02:04:57.000 Yeah.
02:04:57.000 And I mean...
02:05:00.000 The way he ran it through us, to us, was a little crazy. 0.84
02:05:04.000 He's like, yep, they're going to try to sexually importune you. 0.88
02:05:09.000 They're going to try to unzip their flies. 1.00
02:05:11.000 Sexually importune?
02:05:13.000 Yeah.
02:05:13.000 Ooh, I've never heard that word before.
02:05:14.000 I've never heard anybody use that in a verb.
02:05:17.000 Yeah, because he was saying that they would unzip their flies, potentially, and then take advantage of the fact that we didn't say anything about it the next time.
02:05:27.000 Mm-hmm. 0.93
02:05:29.000 Basically, to get us to commit a minor offense, or break a little rule, or lead us a little bit down the path, and then next time they would try to take their dicks out. 0.94
02:05:42.000 Okay, so if you don't call him out on having his fly down, it's an offense? 0.92
02:05:47.000 No.
02:05:48.000 No.
02:05:48.000 But...
02:05:49.000 It's not like a crime.
02:05:51.000 It's not like a rule violation.
02:05:53.000 Okay.
02:05:53.000 But if he's got...
02:05:55.000 Social.
02:05:55.000 Yeah.
02:05:56.000 For social effects.
02:05:56.000 If it's...
02:05:57.000 And they'll sit differently.
02:05:59.000 Oh. 0.96
02:06:00.000 Like if someone sits there with their fly open, you know, and it's like this, and their crotch is on display, they're... 1.00
02:06:07.000 Letting you know they've got some dick for sale. 1.00
02:06:09.000 Yeah, they're like, by the way, there's some dick in here. 1.00
02:06:12.000 And then next time, there'll be more... 1.00
02:06:15.000 Because there's a lot of sociopaths in prison.
02:06:19.000 A lot.
02:06:20.000 Because for a lot of people, what it comes down to is the sentencing. 1.00
02:06:24.000 Because they're guilty as shit. 0.99
02:06:26.000 There's a lot of witnesses, you know? 1.00
02:06:28.000 And they don't have... 0.95
02:06:29.000 They're not made of money, so they can't pay some expert to write a report saying that jail would hurt their feelings, which they fucking do if you have money. 0.68
02:06:39.000 It comes down to a lot of being able to take ownership of what happened and what you did. 1.00
02:06:44.000 And a lot of sociopaths are in prison because they're too stupid to listen to how everybody else apologizes. 0.99
02:06:51.000 So sociopaths will say something like, you know, I'm sorry that I played a part in all of this. 0.99
02:07:00.000 Or, you know, I'm not going to put myself in situations like this anymore, Your Honor. 0.92
02:07:05.000 When they're being convicted of beating the shit out of somebody, they'll say, I'm not going to put myself in situations like this.
02:07:11.000 Sounds like they're taking ownership. 0.55
02:07:13.000 But putting a situation just means you're one small part of... 0.99
02:07:16.000 This fucking situation, which could include multiple aggressors and loud noises and drinking. 0.98
02:07:24.000 And to somebody that is making the apology, it sounds like it works. 1.00
02:07:31.000 But to a room full of people that hear nothing but apologies all day, we go, oh, he's gonna be back. 0.99
02:07:39.000 And the judges listen for that shit very intently. 0.99
02:07:43.000 There's ways to fuck up an apology. 1.00
02:07:46.000 And the only people who fuck up the apologies in that specific way are almost completely incapable of putting themselves in anybody else's shoes.
02:07:58.000 And those types of people tend to do certain types of things.
02:08:03.000 Where they're always out for themselves, me, me, me.
02:08:06.000 Why does he get to do that?
02:08:08.000 Why can't I do that? 1.00
02:08:09.000 Like that shit. 1.00
02:08:10.000 Like that childish bullshit, self-centered, selfish, but they're an adult. 1.00
02:08:16.000 That's just what a sociopath is. 1.00
02:08:17.000 It's not that impressive. 1.00
02:08:18.000 It's not like, you know, fucking Silence of the Lambs or some shit. 0.98
02:08:22.000 It's just super selfish, super inconsiderate of the ramifications of their actions. 0.99
02:08:27.000 Yeah.
02:08:27.000 And they're just...
02:08:28.000 And they...
02:08:30.000 They don't even know how to relate to the rest of us because they don't care.
02:08:35.000 They don't care to.
02:08:36.000 Like, we're just robots, you know.
02:08:39.000 In your experience dealing with so many of these different people and so many different criminals, do you think it's a nature thing or a nurture thing?
02:08:46.000 Nurture.
02:08:47.000 Yeah, it's nurture.
02:08:49.000 100%.
02:08:50.000 There are some...
02:08:52.000 I mean...
02:08:52.000 Some broken folks.
02:08:53.000 There are some...
02:08:54.000 Some people are born evil.
02:08:57.000 Just like some people are born with bad kidneys.
02:09:00.000 Right.
02:09:00.000 So some people are born...
02:09:02.000 Like, didn't they say that Jeffrey Dahmer, wasn't he a good example of a guy who allegedly had a pretty stable childhood with loving parents and became a serial killer?
02:09:10.000 Yeah, but...
02:09:12.000 But you don't know, right?
02:09:13.000 Yeah. 0.99
02:09:14.000 Like, they're gonna say they beat the shit out of him. 0.99
02:09:16.000 Right. 1.00
02:09:16.000 They fucked him. 1.00
02:09:17.000 Like, they're going to be like, no, no, we did them the same way Charles Manson and Ted Bundy's moms did them. 1.00
02:09:22.000 Yeah.
02:09:22.000 No, they're not going to say that.
02:09:24.000 But, yeah, I mean, people who do that generally have kind of similar histories.
02:09:30.000 Well, if you think about the way a human being could vary, the way we behave, you could be, like, the most beautiful, generous, kind, caring person, or you could be a brutal dictator in the Congo and chopping people's arms off.
02:09:43.000 You could be either one of those and still be a human being.
02:09:46.000 Yeah.
02:09:46.000 So if you think about that, and you think about the conditions that you have to sort of adapt to, and if you're growing up in some hellacious condition, and you adapted to that hellacious condition, and you are literally a product of society.
02:10:00.000 Now, when you come across people like that, because you're in the criminal defense attorney world, and you have to represent these people, Do you try to think, like, is there a way to fix this guy?
02:10:13.000 I mean, do you put that in your head, or do you just go and try to win?
02:10:16.000 I try...
02:10:17.000 Well, when I would get them to do the apologies, because one of...
02:10:22.000 I mean, the thing is, like... 0.98
02:10:24.000 For a lot of these guys, too many witnesses, too much of a record, it's coming down to this fucking apology. 0.87
02:10:30.000 It's coming down to our plan for what we're gonna do next, and talking with them and coming up with a reasonable plan about what they're gonna do after jail, or what they could do instead of jail. 0.90
02:10:41.000 And addressing why they did something wrong.
02:10:45.000 Why was it wrong?
02:10:47.000 I would go through with my clients a lot of times if I wasn't sure that they were getting it, and I would be like, okay, so you're going to have to give an apology to the judge.
02:10:55.000 You're going to have to tell them that what you did is wrong.
02:10:57.000 You're going to have to tell them that you know that it was wrong.
02:10:59.000 And you're going to have to tell them you know why it was wrong.
02:11:01.000 So, why is it wrong to hit your girlfriend?
02:11:09.000 She doesn't want me to? 0.95
02:11:10.000 Well, okay.
02:11:12.000 Alright.
02:11:12.000 There's one.
02:11:13.000 When you hit your girlfriend, what do the police have to do?
02:11:16.000 They have to show up and they have to arrest me.
02:11:20.000 Were you nice to them?
02:11:21.000 No.
02:11:22.000 Do you think they liked that?
02:11:24.000 No. 0.91
02:11:25.000 Do you think now would be the time to apologize for being a dick to them when they were just doing their jobs? 0.97
02:11:31.000 Yeah, okay, but now say it in a different way. 0.96
02:11:34.000 Say it in a nice way.
02:11:35.000 Oh, Jesus.
02:11:35.000 And then I made them say it in a nice...
02:11:38.000 And you have to really coach them through this.
02:11:40.000 And do you let them know, like, listen, your freedom may ride on whether or not you're believable.
02:11:45.000 Yep, yep.
02:11:45.000 This is your most important performance.
02:11:47.000 I would tell them, like, you're not going to lie up there.
02:11:50.000 Everything you say is going to be true.
02:11:52.000 We just need to make... 1.00
02:11:54.000 You fucking recognize. 0.99
02:11:55.000 For just a couple minutes, you gotta recognize this situation. 1.00
02:12:00.000 Because you can't lie out there.
02:12:01.000 They hear too many lies.
02:12:02.000 They don't like lies.
02:12:04.000 It's like George Michael in Freedom.
02:12:06.000 Take a lie and make it true.
02:12:08.000 Did you just quote George Michael?
02:12:10.000 Yeah, I did.
02:12:10.000 That song, Freedom?
02:12:11.000 Yeah.
02:12:12.000 It's a good song.
02:12:12.000 It is a good song, right?
02:12:13.000 Yeah.
02:12:14.000 Good on you for admitting that.
02:12:15.000 A lot of people, they shy away from giving George Michael the props he deserves.
02:12:18.000 But I would use, like, take these lies and make them true.
02:12:22.000 I would use that on my clients.
02:12:24.000 Can you sing that?
02:12:25.000 No, I'm terrible at singing.
02:12:26.000 You can sing it.
02:12:26.000 No, I can't.
02:12:27.000 Take these lies and make them true.
02:12:31.000 Somehow we have to do.
02:12:37.000 There we go. 1.00
02:12:38.000 That's a great goddamn song. 0.99
02:12:41.000 You know, it's the best... 0.99
02:12:42.000 You can't hear it on YouTube, right?
02:12:44.000 We'll get pulled, right?
02:12:45.000 Yeah.
02:12:46.000 Only we can hear it?
02:12:48.000 Well, listen.
02:12:49.000 If you see the video, that's the best part about that song.
02:12:51.000 That was one of those songs that was made by the video.
02:12:54.000 Yeah, yeah. 0.99
02:12:55.000 Because, like, the song's great, but goddamn these girls are hot. 1.00
02:12:58.000 Yeah. 0.99
02:12:59.000 There's so much hotness.
02:13:01.000 Naomi Campbell, Christy Turlington.
02:13:04.000 Some of those girls are still hanging in there. 1.00
02:13:06.000 Yeah.
02:13:06.000 Whatever.
02:13:08.000 In my world.
02:13:09.000 Yeah.
02:13:10.000 Yeah, this is a tremendous video.
02:13:13.000 Amazing what symmetry and bone structure does for the emotions.
02:13:18.000 Yeah.
02:13:18.000 Beautiful full lips and...
02:13:20.000 Looking at pretty people is fucking great. 0.99
02:13:22.000 It is. 0.96
02:13:23.000 It's amazing.
02:13:24.000 But what I'd do is, I'd be like, so, they're not going to let you out because you don't have a job.
02:13:31.000 Right. 0.50
02:13:33.000 You've never been in the community with more than this for more than this length of time without doing this and I'd be like well We can't lie to them and tell them like I would make a list of shit that I wish was true and I'd be like one of these things can I fucking just make true like Can I get this person to do these job applications?
02:13:52.000 Yeah Yeah, I could totally do that.
02:13:55.000 Like, if I could bail him out for, like, if I can get him to make his bail, if I can get his bail low enough, and then I can get him to submit job applications every single week, it was a lie when I came up with it a couple minutes ago, but in six months,
02:14:12.000 when this case finally goes in front of the judge...
02:14:15.000 He'll probably have a job.
02:14:17.000 And they would. 0.99
02:14:18.000 Like, you just think about some shit you want to be true. 0.99
02:14:21.000 Figure out how to make it true. 0.98
02:14:22.000 And, you know, like, maybe he's got to have his kids back.
02:14:26.000 Or maybe he's got to have a better relationship with his kids. 0.99
02:14:28.000 Which means you start writing the fucking letters now. 0.99
02:14:31.000 Because in six months, have him show up. 1.00
02:14:34.000 Like, just...
02:14:35.000 Because the thing is, like, yeah, it's a lie if you have no intention of making it true.
02:14:40.000 And we wouldn't say it in advance.
02:14:41.000 I would just be like, well, you know.
02:14:43.000 So do you feel like you're coaching these guys not just through their trial, but maybe through their understanding of the implications of their crime as well?
02:14:50.000 Like, are you in some way sort of educating them into, you know, because they have to be honest about it.
02:14:56.000 They have to kind of be...
02:14:58.000 Maybe educated about the impact of their choices.
02:15:01.000 Yeah, yeah, I would I mean to the extent that I thought it was appropriate like because I'm in a position of power you know Emotional abuse is not proper.
02:15:12.000 You know, like...
02:15:13.000 Like abusing them, like insulting them or something like that?
02:15:16.000 Yeah, like insulting them.
02:15:17.000 And there's people where you would completely want to insult them. 0.96
02:15:20.000 It's just not appropriate because they're such terrible monsters.
02:15:24.000 But...
02:15:24.000 What do you do if you're in one of those situations?
02:15:28.000 Yeah.
02:15:28.000 I've had...
02:15:29.000 I've had some guys that make my skin crawl.
02:15:32.000 And, like, I've sat next to people who've, you know...
02:15:38.000 Done horrible things to people where they don't make my skin crawl and yet these other people are just so far beyond them in terms of like we don't like we should probably lock you up forever like and you can't do anything because you you you sort of have a mandate right you have to win oh yeah I have to make them beat me oh Do you drink after work?
02:16:03.000 No, no.
02:16:04.000 You didn't?
02:16:05.000 Nope, because if you do, then you don't stop.
02:16:10.000 There's a bunch of bars right by that courthouse.
02:16:12.000 I can only imagine.
02:16:13.000 You just want to escape.
02:16:15.000 You just want to booze it up. 1.00
02:16:16.000 Well, because the thing is, as a defense attorney, you're going to get your ass handed to you so many fucking times that if I drank one time for every time I didn't like what a judge decided, I would have been dead seven years ago. 1.00
02:16:29.000 Did you get high? 1.00
02:16:30.000 No.
02:16:31.000 You didn't do nothing?
02:16:32.000 No.
02:16:32.000 Just went home and ate pot pies and dealt with it?
02:16:35.000 Yep. 1.00
02:16:36.000 Fuck, man. 1.00
02:16:37.000 I went out on the weekends. 1.00
02:16:38.000 And you did stand-up?
02:16:39.000 Yep.
02:16:40.000 And you started doing stand-up while you were an attorney?
02:16:42.000 Yeah, yeah. 0.99
02:16:43.000 Well, I've never seen you do stand-up, dude, but you're a smart guy, so I can't imagine you would suck. 0.98
02:16:47.000 I'm terrible. 0.99
02:16:48.000 Are you?
02:16:49.000 No.
02:16:50.000 Okay, yeah, I didn't think you would.
02:16:52.000 And talking at the Comedy Store was very fun, so I'm glad we did this, man.
02:16:55.000 We just did two and a half hours of a breakdown of the criminal justice system here.
02:17:02.000 Fun.
02:17:02.000 And especially the criminal justice system there and outside of Madison, Wisconsin.
02:17:07.000 So, how long have you been doing stand-up now?
02:17:11.000 Seven years, I think.
02:17:13.000 You enjoying it?
02:17:13.000 Yeah, yeah.
02:17:14.000 It's super fun.
02:17:15.000 And what brought you to the store?
02:17:17.000 Well, I was in Wisconsin, but I moved here in January of last year, and honestly, I really like Pauly Shore.
02:17:28.000 No, like, I was a kid in the 80s, so when I would see Sam Kinison on TV, and Pauly Shore on TV, and everybody on TV, like, it always wound its way back to the store.
02:17:42.000 Like, Pauly Shore's first album is, I think, recorded at the Comedy Store, and you can hear Ron Jeremy and Gary Coleman in the background.
02:17:50.000 Like, it's nuts.
02:17:51.000 And, like, Laugh Factory doesn't hire comics, you know, and improv is it.
02:17:58.000 Like, the store is kind of an icon, and I worked in comedy clubs before, so I was like, hey.
02:18:04.000 Also, the reality of it is, like, the potluck is so hard to get on.
02:18:10.000 That Monday night potluck and I had signed up every single Monday for six months and I hadn't gotten on once and then They they put out a list saying they're gonna do auditions for the new door guys.
02:18:24.000 So I signed up for it So that I could get on the potluck But then it just went really well Wow Six months.
02:18:35.000 That's crazy.
02:18:36.000 I just wanted to get up on the potluck and signing up for the audition for the job was the only way to do it.
02:18:42.000 Yeah, you definitely seem overqualified to be a door guy.
02:18:46.000 I like the door guys.
02:18:48.000 It's a great gig.
02:18:49.000 Yeah.
02:18:49.000 But I'm saying, how old are you?
02:18:51.000 36. Yeah, see, most door guys are like 21, 22. They're getting older now.
02:18:56.000 Are they?
02:18:56.000 Yep.
02:18:57.000 Guam is in his 40s.
02:18:59.000 Hormuz is 56 by the look of him.
02:19:02.000 Pfft. 1.00
02:19:03.000 He fucking looks 56. It is a special place, though, isn't it? 1.00
02:19:09.000 I mean, you've been an employee there during the Golden Age.
02:19:12.000 I think this is the Golden Age.
02:19:14.000 The other night, it was Joey Diaz, Bill Burr, Dom Herrera, Chris D'Elia, me...
02:19:21.000 And someone else on the show, someone else, oh, was it Ali Wong?
02:19:25.000 She was on another one.
02:19:26.000 Yeah.
02:19:26.000 It was a different show, but it was just, it was insanity.
02:19:28.000 Yeah.
02:19:29.000 I was like sitting back watching all these people and I was like, this is the crazy, I've never seen a lineup.
02:19:32.000 Oh, Ron White was the other one.
02:19:34.000 Yeah.
02:19:34.000 I'm like, I've never seen a lineup like this.
02:19:35.000 This isn't, this lineup is, it's insane.
02:19:38.000 Yeah.
02:19:38.000 Just murderers row.
02:19:40.000 Oh, well, Joey D, I don't want to say what the bit is about, but he's got this new bit he's doing now.
02:19:46.000 It's just, it's just, Like, in all the years that I've been seeing stand-up comedy and doing it, I just never have seen a club like this.
02:19:55.000 Where it's on fire right now.
02:19:57.000 Every night is sold out.
02:19:58.000 The crowds are insane.
02:20:00.000 It's really weird, man.
02:20:02.000 It's really weird.
02:20:02.000 Here's another one.
02:20:03.000 This is from Thursday, yeah.
02:20:05.000 Bobby Lee, Tom Papa, Bobby Lee, Eliza, Crystalia, me, Jeselnik, Ron White, Andrew Santino, Joey Diaz, Donnell Rawlings, Jesus Christ, and on and on and on. 1.00
02:20:17.000 Fuck, man. 0.99
02:20:19.000 Jimmy Schubert's gonna go, why didn't you say me? 1.00
02:20:21.000 Nick Youssef is gonna go, why didn't you say me?
02:20:22.000 Dave Taylor.
02:20:23.000 I know you wouldn't say me.
02:20:25.000 I could read the whole list, but it's an amazing lineup of known and unknown.
02:20:29.000 Yeah.
02:20:30.000 I mean, the guy in the second to last spot created one of the shows on NBC that's going into its third season, and the guy who's going dead last had a movie on Comedy Central.
02:20:39.000 Like...
02:20:41.000 That's Don Barris, though.
02:20:42.000 He's an icon.
02:20:43.000 It's a different situation.
02:20:44.000 He belongs in that late spot. 0.98
02:20:47.000 Well, what I'm saying is that's how fucking packed the lineup is. 0.98
02:20:49.000 It's insane. 0.97
02:20:50.000 Yeah, but it's not just that.
02:20:51.000 It's also the vibe because of the fact that the store hires all comedians like yourself and like all these other ones that work there.
02:20:58.000 It's like everybody is one of us.
02:21:00.000 And many guys have gone from being in the position of being a doorman or working the cover booth or what have you to being like Ari Shafir, perfect example.
02:21:10.000 Duncan Trussell, perfect example.
02:21:12.000 They've gone on during the time that I've known them.
02:21:15.000 Went from starting out to being like super headliners on the road.
02:21:19.000 It's fascinating.
02:21:20.000 There's no clubs like that where the employees become the star attraction.
02:21:26.000 Yeah, yeah.
02:21:27.000 Yeah, it's the only club that has a true farm system.
02:21:31.000 Right.
02:21:32.000 Yeah, especially in the fact that that farm system exists in Hollywood.
02:21:35.000 And granted, it's not that easy to get into, as you can attest.
02:21:39.000 It took six months of no's.
02:21:41.000 The lineup is just...
02:21:43.000 There's just too many people that want to become comics now.
02:21:46.000 It was not like that before, by the way.
02:21:48.000 No, I know.
02:21:49.000 You can get up every week before.
02:21:51.000 Yeah.
02:21:51.000 Or close to it.
02:21:52.000 When I started in Madison in 2000-whenever, There was like eight people, eight comics.
02:22:01.000 And then when I left, there's 60 that would sign up for the funniest comedian in Madison every single year.
02:22:10.000 Whoa.
02:22:11.000 So, yeah, it's booming.
02:22:12.000 And, I mean...
02:22:14.000 Thunderdome.
02:22:15.000 It's booming in quality as well.
02:22:16.000 Yeah, because there's an aspect of shtorm and drang.
02:22:20.000 Like, there's only so many spots.
02:22:21.000 So these people have to be better.
02:22:23.000 Yeah.
02:22:24.000 Like, these 60, like, you start now, you have no hope.
02:22:29.000 Right.
02:22:30.000 Unless you are the best.
02:22:31.000 And why not try to be the best? 1.00
02:22:33.000 Why not try to fucking smoke that shit? 1.00
02:22:36.000 Like, crush it for three minutes. 1.00
02:22:38.000 Like, why half-ass it? 0.92
02:22:40.000 Yeah.
02:22:41.000 Like, you used to be able to.
02:22:42.000 Well, even if they didn't want to half-ass it, it's like, it's not that they were half-assing it.
02:22:49.000 It's like their standards got raised.
02:22:51.000 Yeah.
02:22:51.000 Like you see, like Roast Battle's a perfect example of that.
02:22:54.000 I mean, how many people crush at Roast Battle that you've never heard of before, and they're writing ridiculously funny jokes and crushing each other.
02:23:03.000 Yeah.
02:23:03.000 And they're coming up, and they're hungry.
02:23:05.000 There's a lot of them.
02:23:06.000 Competition.
02:23:07.000 Yeah.
02:23:08.000 It's a fun time, man.
02:23:09.000 Yeah.
02:23:10.000 It's a really fun time.
02:23:11.000 So, listen, man.
02:23:13.000 Thanks for doing this.
02:23:13.000 I appreciate you coming down on a beautiful Fourth of July.
02:23:16.000 Happy Independence Day, you fucks. 0.99
02:23:18.000 And you can catch Mike Schmidt on Twitter. 1.00
02:23:22.000 Your Twitter handle is...
02:23:24.000 TheShinola.
02:23:25.000 TheShinola.
02:23:26.000 It's linked on my Twitter page as well with Mike's name. 0.99
02:23:30.000 And if you see Mike at the Comedy Store, come by and say hi, motherfucker. 0.99
02:23:34.000 Yeah. 0.99
02:23:34.000 All right. 0.99
02:23:35.000 Thanks, everybody.
02:23:35.000 Be back tomorrow.
02:23:36.000 Brennan Schaub is going to be here.
02:23:38.000 We're going to break down UFC 200, which is this weekend.
02:23:40.000 Holla.
02:23:41.000 All right.