The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #841 - Greg Fitzsimmons

00:00:08.000 This is how we're going to start it off.

00:00:10.000 We're going to build today, ladies and gentlemen.

00:00:12.000 We're going to start slow.

00:00:13.000 And we're going to build.

00:00:14.000 Gregory!

00:00:15.000 How are you, buddy?

00:00:17.000 Joseph, we have a lot to talk about.

00:00:20.000 We do.

00:00:20.000 Jesus, we got an Italy trip.

00:00:22.000 We were both overlapped in Italy. 0.97

00:00:24.000 I fucking love the bit you're doing about the guy over there. 0.82

00:00:27.000 I don't want to give the bit away. 0.97

00:00:30.000 I'll just say, I saw a guy walking down the street, my sister pointed out, they're so fucking animated over there. 0.93

00:00:38.000 You see, Italian-Americans are kind of animated. 0.79

00:00:41.000 Italian-Italians, the guy's walking down the street on his cell phone, and I don't know what he's saying, and he's getting so animated, he stops, puts his briefcase down so he can pinch his fingers together and wave his hand up and down.

00:00:57.000 With the cigarette dangling and...

00:01:00.000 Have you seen the Italian Dan Bilzerian?

00:01:03.000 No.

00:01:04.000 There's an Italian version of Dan Bilzerian. 0.94

00:01:07.000 So you got Dan Bilzerian, who's this super wealthy poker player, gambler character, international playboy type dude, worth fucking hundreds of millions of dollars, and just every picture is him in a jet and him getting blown by 50 chicks, you know? 0.79

00:01:22.000 Well, there's this guy in Italy, and all he does is take videos of him and his super hot fiancee dancing.

00:01:29.000 And apparently he's this huge celebrity in Italy, and he's an older guy.

00:01:34.000 Yeah.

00:01:35.000 He's actually my age, but he just looks older.

00:01:37.000 Oh, look at that.

00:01:38.000 50-year-old millionaire is cooler than Dan Bilzerian. 1.00

00:01:41.000 Oh, and he's fucking ripped. 0.99

00:01:42.000 Oh, yeah, he's shredded. 0.99

00:01:44.000 Tatted up.

00:01:45.000 And he could dance.

00:01:46.000 Go to his Instagram page.

00:01:48.000 Oh, I love that guy.

00:01:49.000 One of them became famous.

00:01:52.000 No, that's not it.

00:01:53.000 It's one with him and the girl.

00:01:54.000 Yeah, that's his page.

00:01:56.000 I'll tell you.

00:01:57.000 Scroll down.

00:01:58.000 Keep scrolling down.

00:01:59.000 No, no, no.

00:01:59.000 Just scroll down a little.

00:02:00.000 I'll tell you which one to click on.

00:02:01.000 He's got a gang of them on his page, but one of them sort of caught fire on the internet, and people started paying attention to it, and then it became this big thing.

00:02:11.000 A little bit more.

00:02:13.000 It's all just pictures.

00:02:14.000 No, that's it.

00:02:16.000 The left-hand side.

00:02:17.000 That's one of them.

00:02:19.000 Yeah, that's just one of them.

00:02:20.000 This is not even the best one.

00:02:23.000 I mean, it's like him and this girl, like, dancing.

00:02:31.000 And she's... 1.00

00:02:33.000 Hot as fuck. 0.99

00:02:36.000 And even though he's my age, this dude is like well leathered from the sun. 0.99

00:02:42.000 Yeah.

00:02:42.000 Like he's constantly out in the sun.

00:02:44.000 He's never worn sunblock in his life.

00:02:46.000 No.

00:02:46.000 Nor has she.

00:02:48.000 They don't give a fuck. 1.00

00:02:49.000 Look at the body on her. 1.00

00:02:50.000 Oh my god.

00:02:52.000 And he's in great shape too, man.

00:02:54.000 Look at her feet.

00:02:55.000 Beautiful feet.

00:02:59.000 But I mean, this is what it is.

00:03:02.000 A dude basically in his underwear with a girl in her underwear, and they're all sweaty and dancing around.

00:03:08.000 On a gorgeous rooftop villa with a pool.

00:03:13.000 Yeah.

00:03:14.000 They're just super ballin'.

00:03:16.000 They're super ballin' publicly. 0.93

00:03:17.000 Yeah, sometimes I see rappers and they've got the yacht and they've got all that and then they've got this dour face painted on where you look like, dude, do you realize you're on the roof of a fucking, you know, yacht and you've got beautiful women standing around you and there's music? 0.92

00:03:32.000 Why don't you get involved a little bit? 0.84

00:03:34.000 Dude, it's hard out there.

00:03:35.000 It's hard out there for a pimp.

00:03:36.000 They took down Chris Brown.

00:03:38.000 Yeah, what happened?

00:03:38.000 I just saw that he was arrested.

00:03:40.000 I don't know.

00:03:41.000 I turned on the TV yesterday at noon, and this was the first I'd heard of it.

00:03:47.000 There was a standoff at his house.

00:03:49.000 And I was like, what? 1.00

00:03:50.000 Damn. 0.99

00:03:51.000 What the hell is this? 0.99

00:03:53.000 So apparently they had been there since three o'clock in the morning.

00:03:56.000 So they'd already been there for nine hours.

00:03:59.000 Wow!

00:03:59.000 Yeah, and they didn't have a warrant, but they were surrounding his house, and there was helicopter footage of it, so they're showing it on the news.

00:04:07.000 Helicopters circling Chris Brown's house, cops all down the driveway.

00:04:10.000 He lives on a cul-de-sac, so there's all these cops all lined up down the street.

00:04:15.000 Cops everywhere.

00:04:16.000 Like, a ton of cops.

00:04:17.000 Like, they're responding like this is an armed, dangerous guy, like they would any other armed, dangerous guy.

00:04:22.000 And it's just him?

00:04:23.000 It's just him, and apparently some girl, he might have had some friends at home with him, I don't know, but I'm pretty sure it was just him, and he said they were at some party or something like that, and the girl said he pulled a gun on him.

00:04:36.000 He pulled the gun on her. 0.56

00:04:37.000 And so I guess she called the cops.

00:04:40.000 There was more people there.

00:04:42.000 The story I heard was that a friend of his had a bunch of jewelry out.

00:04:45.000 Oh, at the party, you mean?

00:04:47.000 And her and her friend went to look at the jewelry. 1.00

00:04:48.000 And when they started asking about the jewelry, Chris freaked out on them and said, get the fuck out of my house. 0.99

00:04:52.000 I don't want you girls here anymore. 1.00

00:04:53.000 And one of his friends grabbed her phone and tried to say, like, I'm not going to give it back to you to sign an NDA. And then she said she wouldn't do it, snatched her phone and ran out.

00:05:01.000 This was according to her, though, too.

00:05:03.000 So...

00:05:05.000 It is.

00:05:06.000 It's hard out there for a pimp.

00:05:07.000 Sketchy all around.

00:05:09.000 Sketchy all around, right?

00:05:10.000 I mean, it's like, what do you say about something like that? 0.99

00:05:12.000 Like, what the fuck really happened? 0.99

00:05:13.000 And why is your friend showing jewelry at your house? 0.99

00:05:16.000 I mean, every detail of it is twisted. 1.00

00:05:18.000 It's all so stupid. 1.00

00:05:19.000 So he makes a ton of videos and puts them on Instagram. 1.00

00:05:23.000 Chris Brown?

00:05:24.000 Yeah, of him, you know, giving his side of what things are.

00:05:27.000 And he's keeping it real, essentially, on his videos.

00:05:31.000 Yeah.

00:05:32.000 And he's smoking a cigarette.

00:05:33.000 It's very sketch.

00:05:35.000 So they didn't hold on to him.

00:05:36.000 They arrested him, and then he's out. 0.98

00:05:38.000 They arrested the fuck out of him. 0.94

00:05:39.000 Yeah.

00:05:39.000 I don't know if they kept him, but, I mean, they went in and they booked him for assault with a deadly weapon.

00:05:45.000 Or attempted assault with a deadly weapon.

00:05:48.000 Is that what it is?

00:05:49.000 How long until he's saying that the cops were roughing him up?

00:05:52.000 I'm sure they have video footage of everything.

00:05:54.000 They wouldn't be crazy.

00:05:55.000 They would be crazy not to.

00:05:56.000 Yeah.

00:05:58.000 Something like that? 0.99

00:05:59.000 Like, who the fuck knows? 1.00

00:06:01.000 Didn't Chris Brown, like, fuck his underage cousin and then piss on somebody? 1.00

00:06:04.000 No, that was R. Kelly. 1.00

00:06:06.000 You're combining, like, three different black people. 1.00

00:06:08.000 I don't know who fucked their cousin, but R. Kelly was peeing on people. 1.00

00:06:13.000 Didn't he used to put women to sleep and molest them? 1.00

00:06:16.000 No, that's the other guy. 0.53

00:06:17.000 That's Bill Cosby.

00:06:18.000 Oh, got it.

00:06:19.000 Jesus Christ.

00:06:21.000 Isn't that crazy? 1.00

00:06:23.000 Like, what the fuck, man? 1.00

00:06:25.000 I can't tell black people who art. 1.00

00:06:28.000 I just realized that.

00:06:30.000 You confused R. Kelly and Chris Brown.

00:06:33.000 Is that bad?

00:06:34.000 Are they close?

00:06:34.000 They're off by like 15, 20 years.

00:06:40.000 One of them is our age.

00:06:43.000 R. Kelly, he's 49. And when did he play basketball?

00:06:47.000 He didn't play basketball.

00:06:49.000 He's a singer.

00:06:50.000 Oh, got it.

00:06:51.000 Yeah.

00:06:52.000 I don't know any of his songs other than the really hilarious ones.

00:06:55.000 But have you ever heard Real Talk?

00:06:57.000 No.

00:06:58.000 Oh my goodness.

00:06:59.000 I wish we could play it, but we'd get the boot off the YouTube.

00:07:02.000 I gotta play it for you. 0.98

00:07:04.000 It's fucking brilliant. 0.99

00:07:06.000 Yeah? 0.99

00:07:06.000 It's fucking brilliant. 0.99

00:07:07.000 And it's humorous. 0.99

00:07:08.000 Not on purpose.

00:07:09.000 Oh.

00:07:10.000 No.

00:07:10.000 Got it.

00:07:11.000 It's all about him getting in an argument with a girl on the phone.

00:07:17.000 We'll see if we can play part of it.

00:07:18.000 We'll play part of it.

00:07:19.000 Why, they flag it that quick?

00:07:20.000 We'll just keep their part off the YouTube.

00:07:22.000 Yeah, dude.

00:07:22.000 They have a computer that does it.

00:07:24.000 If you play someone's song, You don't have permission.

00:07:27.000 If you show a video, you don't have permission.

00:07:29.000 You know, people own their property.

00:07:31.000 So if some guy has a video, like here was an issue.

00:07:33.000 There was a guy, like wildlife videos.

00:07:35.000 A guy might have a video of a crocodile walking across a golf course.

00:07:38.000 Did you see that?

00:07:39.000 A giant alligator.

00:07:40.000 Huge?

00:07:41.000 Huge!

00:07:42.000 Like 15 feet long.

00:07:43.000 Enormous.

00:07:43.000 I put it up on my Facebook, because I just retweeted like a YouTube video that somebody posted up.

00:07:48.000 Or I put a link up to it, like check this shit out. 0.98

00:07:50.000 That's all I did. 0.97

00:07:51.000 I didn't upload it to Facebook.

00:07:53.000 And Facebook took my account down for like three days. 0.99

00:07:56.000 No shit! 0.99

00:07:57.000 Yeah, they wouldn't let me post a video for three days. 0.99

00:07:59.000 So what's the lesson there?

00:08:01.000 Somebody owns that video.

00:08:02.000 Don't retweet anything?

00:08:03.000 I don't think it was correctly done.

00:08:05.000 I don't know.

00:08:06.000 I think maybe I retweeted someone who had illegally put it up or something like that. 0.96

00:08:11.000 I don't remember the full details of it because I retweet shit constantly. 0.66

00:08:14.000 When people send me something that's cool, I'm like, I would want to see this.

00:08:17.000 So I send it to everybody that's...

00:08:20.000 Yeah, they shouldn't penalize a retweet.

00:08:22.000 That's crazy.

00:08:23.000 I mean, maybe I put a link up to the video, but I definitely didn't upload the video.

00:08:28.000 It's somebody else's video.

00:08:30.000 It was on, you know, whatever it was, whatever, LiveLeak, who knows what the fuck it was on, but somebody decided they own that video, and it's got more than 20 million hits now.

00:08:38.000 Right.

00:08:38.000 It's like when a video becomes that popular, I think they can make a fuckload of money from it.

00:08:43.000 Yeah.

00:08:44.000 It becomes like a television show.

00:08:45.000 Right.

00:08:46.000 You know?

00:08:47.000 So if we play this...

00:08:49.000 We'll get kicked off YouTube, but you got to hear it.

00:08:51.000 So this part is not on YouTube, right?

00:08:53.000 People can't hear it?

00:08:54.000 This is Chris Brown.

00:08:55.000 No, you got two things going on at the same hand, Young Jamie.

00:08:58.000 Young Jamie's Captain Tabs.

00:09:01.000 He loves them Tabs.

00:09:06.000 For the people listening, what this is, is he's sitting there He's got a box of cigars he's opened up.

00:09:18.000 He's got sunglasses on and he says, I'm just gonna be real.

00:09:22.000 I'm just gonna be real.

00:09:23.000 He's got on Gucci sunglasses that say Gucci across the front.

00:09:26.000 They have to.

00:09:27.000 And so he's pouring himself a nice drink.

00:09:30.000 He's got a stogie going.

00:09:32.000 He's calming this girl down.

00:09:34.000 I was at a club with who?

00:09:37.000 What?

00:09:41.000 He's keeping it real.

00:09:47.000 It's called Real Talk.

00:09:49.000 Real Talk.

00:09:51.000 I'm trying to establish...

00:09:53.000 What's wrong?

00:09:56.000 And while he's talking to her, another girl's braiding his hair. 0.99

00:10:01.000 Because she saw me at the club with some other bitches. 1.00

00:10:06.000 Tell me, girl. 0.99

00:10:08.000 Did she say there were other guys there?

00:10:16.000 This is...

00:10:22.000 Do you know how good that is?

00:10:24.000 Well, there are other guys there who tell me this.

00:10:26.000 Back that up.

00:10:26.000 We've got to hear that again.

00:10:27.000 It's not even a lyric.

00:10:28.000 It's just him ranting to a friend with a beat under it.

00:10:32.000 Just play a little bit of that.

00:10:34.000 Just play a little bit of that.

00:10:51.000 I mean, come on, man! 0.99

00:10:53.000 How the fuck do you know I was with those other girls, man? 1.00

00:10:57.000 Oh, shit. 1.00

00:10:58.000 Goddammit, he's good. 1.00

00:11:00.000 He's living it.

00:11:01.000 It's like if he's a brilliant comedian, just a brilliant Andy Kaufman times 100, and he's committed to this character, and he's literally gone out and peed on girls on video just for this character, he's delivering it in the most subtle of parodies.

00:11:18.000 Tell me this, Dan.

00:11:20.000 When I was down in, I used to write for a show.

00:11:22.000 You know T.I.? The rapper?

00:11:24.000 The rapper T.I. I've heard of him.

00:11:26.000 He's like an Atlanta-based kind of gangster rapper.

00:11:29.000 R. Kelly has 40 more chapters of Trapped in the Closet planned.

00:11:34.000 What's trapped in the closet?

00:11:36.000 He didn't write a book.

00:11:37.000 No, it's way better than a book.

00:11:39.000 It's like a musical.

00:11:40.000 Like a story gets told over a rap musical with the most preposterous lyrics of all time.

00:11:48.000 Like he wrote them five minutes before he decided to film this whole thing.

00:11:53.000 It's a South Park parody, too.

00:11:54.000 They did a whole thing on it, too.

00:11:56.000 South Park did a whole thing with Tom Cruise.

00:11:58.000 Were Tom Cruise's in the closet?

00:12:01.000 Oh yeah, I saw that. 0.98

00:12:03.000 It was like a Scientology gay double whammy attack. 0.98

00:12:08.000 And they used trapped in the closet. 0.78

00:12:10.000 There's already 33 chapters to it.

00:12:12.000 Oh Jesus.

00:12:13.000 So it's doing well.

00:12:14.000 Dude, people love him.

00:12:16.000 Yeah.

00:12:17.000 They love that guy.

00:12:18.000 He's like the bump and grind guy, is that him?

00:12:21.000 No.

00:12:21.000 Is that him?

00:12:23.000 And I Believe I Can Fly from Space Jam.

00:12:25.000 Oh, that's it.

00:12:26.000 That did it.

00:12:27.000 That touched a lot of people's hearts, Jamie.

00:12:29.000 That was his song, I Believe I Can Fly?

00:12:31.000 Yeah.

00:12:32.000 So he's got a good voice.

00:12:33.000 Yeah.

00:12:34.000 Oh, he's got a great voice.

00:12:35.000 Yeah. 0.98

00:12:35.000 He's got a great voice, but goddamn that video is awesome. 0.98

00:12:38.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:12:39.000 That shit's awesome. 0.99

00:12:41.000 I mean, just imagine waking up in the morning and being that guy and deciding, I'm gonna wear that purple fuchsia studded jacket today. 1.00

00:12:49.000 I'm gonna get high immediately.

00:12:51.000 Yeah, you could do it.

00:12:53.000 You could kind of, anybody could kind of do it. 0.99

00:12:55.000 When do the bitches get there? 1.00

00:12:56.000 That's a good question. 1.00

00:12:57.000 Like, do you call the bitches or do they just show up? 1.00

00:13:00.000 Um, I think they just come with the contract or something. 1.00

00:13:05.000 Yeah, right.

00:13:06.000 You don't get your security deposit back if they're dead.

00:13:09.000 They're just there.

00:13:12.000 It's like a natural ecosystem.

00:13:14.000 You look at a reef.

00:13:15.000 What does it have?

00:13:16.000 It has clams.

00:13:17.000 It has crabs.

00:13:18.000 It has plankton.

00:13:20.000 Feeder fish.

00:13:21.000 They're feeder fish.

00:13:22.000 Do you have expensive cars?

00:13:23.000 Yes.

00:13:24.000 Are there mansions?

00:13:24.000 Yes.

00:13:25.000 Is there jewelry involved?

00:13:26.000 Yes. 0.99

00:13:26.000 Okay, well, the bitches will be there. 0.99

00:13:28.000 They'll find their way. 1.00

00:13:29.000 They've heard about it.

00:13:31.000 It's...

00:13:33.000 It's like they've got a friend at the jewelry store going, yeah, there's a bag of diamonds going up to 3200 Mulholland.

00:13:38.000 They smell it.

00:13:39.000 It's in the air.

00:13:40.000 There's a certain kind of hoochie mama that just smells that stuff. 1.00

00:13:43.000 Yeah.

00:13:43.000 And she just shows up.

00:13:44.000 Yep.

00:13:45.000 I mean, studying nature is like an outsider.

00:13:48.000 Yeah.

00:13:48.000 It feels like looking at humans.

00:13:50.000 That's what you should do is like a Bear Grylls kind of a show, but it's just you exploring social phenomenons like R. Kelly.

00:13:59.000 Treating them like they're in the wild.

00:14:02.000 Yeah.

00:14:02.000 Well, there's a lot of stuff you could treat like that if you just studied it as a scientist, right?

00:14:08.000 Wouldn't you want to get involved with rodeo culture?

00:14:11.000 Tell me you wouldn't want to be around the people that are ultra-rodeo people that love rodeo and you'd hang out with them and be with them every day for a couple months, like Louis Theroux style.

00:14:22.000 Right.

00:14:23.000 Embed yourself.

00:14:24.000 Yeah, like Louis Theroux, when he does these documentaries, he goes to a place.

00:14:27.000 He went to Africa for three months and hung out in a hunting camp and hung out with these people until he annoyed them to the point where they got mad at him and gave him some good footage. 0.98

00:14:36.000 No shit. 0.99

00:14:37.000 Oh, that's what he was looking for. 1.00

00:14:38.000 Not really.

00:14:39.000 He was looking to understand it, but after a while, the best footage came out of this guy just getting really pissed at him.

00:14:44.000 Yeah.

00:14:45.000 I think that if you embedded yourself in like, okay, how about a coal mining town?

00:14:51.000 Embed yourself in a coal mining town. 0.94

00:14:53.000 Yeah.

00:14:53.000 Listen to the music, date a local girl who's got teeth knocked out.

00:14:57.000 Even worse, get a job.

00:14:59.000 Get a job at the mine.

00:15:00.000 Work and live in the mine for a couple months.

00:15:03.000 Right.

00:15:04.000 And then do something on that. 1.00

00:15:06.000 See, there's some weird pockets of humanity in this fucking country. 1.00

00:15:10.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:15:10.000 Just in this country. 1.00

00:15:11.000 Like, forget about the world. 0.99

00:15:13.000 Well, what about the ultra-rich going to a country club in West Palm Beach that has no black members and it's all like, you know, Fortune 500 CEOs and old fucking money, just blue blood dripping out of them. 0.99

00:15:26.000 Wow. 0.99

00:15:27.000 If you could get access to that.

00:15:29.000 Wow.

00:15:29.000 What kind of stock tips are going on in that steam room?

00:15:32.000 You know, they are the reptilians.

00:15:35.000 They're deciding when the market goes up and down, interest rates, foreign policy. 1.00

00:15:40.000 It's all happening in that fucking steam room. 1.00

00:15:42.000 Wow. 1.00

00:15:44.000 There's a lot of that, right?

00:15:46.000 Golf games.

00:15:47.000 Yep.

00:15:47.000 How much gets done on golf courses?

00:15:50.000 Like, you almost have to play golf.

00:15:51.000 If you're like a big-time businessman, you almost have to play golf. 0.99

00:15:55.000 Which is time-consuming as shit. 0.98

00:15:57.000 It's five hours out there, you gotta get there, then there's a drink afterwards. 0.99

00:16:01.000 It's a whole fucking day. 0.97

00:16:02.000 That's the thing about golf, is it requires the money to join, and then also the wealth to not have to be working that day. 0.99

00:16:09.000 That's a giant chunk of time.

00:16:12.000 Yeah.

00:16:12.000 When Obama plays golf, does he play golf for that long?

00:16:15.000 No, because they'll clear the course for him, and then they have four caddies, who are guys that stand up about 100 yards ahead of you, and they spot your ball.

00:16:24.000 So by the time you drive up in the cart, he's already got the ball, and he's running ahead.

00:16:29.000 And so they probably get around in about two and a half hours.

00:16:32.000 Jesus Christ.

00:16:33.000 Bush used to run golf.

00:16:36.000 I'd never heard of the sport before, but his family does it.

00:16:39.000 You jog and hit the ball and keep jogging.

00:16:43.000 What?

00:16:44.000 Yeah.

00:16:44.000 He would play golf in like 45 minutes.

00:16:47.000 It's like polo of people.

00:16:49.000 You're the horse.

00:16:50.000 Yeah, what?

00:16:51.000 I've never even heard of such a thing.

00:16:53.000 Yeah, it's like, you know, time conservation, bush style.

00:16:56.000 Well, that was one of the only big benefits of golf, is that you had to walk the course.

00:17:00.000 And the course is a lot of exercise, and you got your exercise in.

00:17:03.000 And people are like, eh, not really into that part of it.

00:17:07.000 Deals are being made back in the cart.

00:17:09.000 I just want a cart that's hooked up with a stereo and a cooler. 1.00

00:17:13.000 Yeah, I'm Rodney Dangerfield on this shit. 1.00

00:17:16.000 How drunk are you allowed to get on a golf course? 1.00

00:17:18.000 Well, you know, I play golf and I play a lot of these celebrity tournaments, which is like, you know, they'll have 18 groups that are going out and then each one gets a comedian added into the group just to fuck around and, you know, entertain. 0.90

00:17:31.000 I don't know if you're entertaining, but, you know, they just like to meet somebody. 0.99

00:17:34.000 And they have these cart bars that go around with the fucking hottest chicks you've ever seen in bikini tops. 1.00

00:17:41.000 And they pull up with hard liquor, beer, everything. 0.99

00:17:45.000 And they flirt.

00:17:47.000 And these guys, I play with guys that literally are crawling off the course when they're done. 1.00

00:17:52.000 They're so shit-faced. 1.00

00:17:53.000 And then you go to the dinner and they drink more. 1.00

00:17:55.000 And then you get up and tell jokes.

00:17:57.000 Oh my god.

00:17:58.000 Try to make them laugh after that. 1.00

00:17:59.000 Holy shit. 1.00

00:18:00.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:18:01.000 It's a riot.

00:18:03.000 Wow.

00:18:03.000 Yeah, I always picture golfers, I always picture them like Ted Kennedy.

00:18:07.000 Like that kind of face.

00:18:08.000 Yeah.

00:18:09.000 Ruddy. 0.99

00:18:09.000 Big fucking overwhelmed tissue face. 0.99

00:18:13.000 Like so much inflammation. 0.99

00:18:14.000 Your skin is just running from your skull. 0.96

00:18:17.000 Yeah, right.

00:18:17.000 It's melting.

00:18:18.000 He's a dignified older gentleman.

00:18:24.000 The spider veins.

00:18:25.000 Yeah, the front of the nose is just a giant vein.

00:18:28.000 Well, there's a bunch of those older guys that get that from the boozing, the heavy boozing. 0.99

00:18:33.000 That Newt Gingrich guy's got that shit going on there, too. 0.99

00:18:36.000 He's got that, uh, I have a couple of whiskeys a night look. 1.00

00:18:41.000 I used to caddy at a country club. 0.99

00:18:44.000 What the fuck was that like? 0.99

00:18:45.000 To work out. 0.99

00:18:46.000 I mean, a golf course is about six miles, and you've got two heavy-ass bags.

00:18:51.000 Back then, everybody had leather bags and extra golf balls in there.

00:18:56.000 So I'd have two of those. 0.99

00:18:57.000 I weighed about 125 pounds, and I would just, like a fucking mule, up and down hills. 0.98

00:19:03.000 And sometimes you'd get a loop. 0.98

00:19:05.000 Like, I had this one guy, and he goes... 1.00

00:19:07.000 He was a shit golfer. 1.00

00:19:08.000 And it took me all day to find his ball. 1.00

00:19:11.000 And then he hits one out of bounds, like over a fence into the woods.

00:19:14.000 And he goes, where's my ball?

00:19:15.000 I go, it went in the woods.

00:19:16.000 He goes, well, find it.

00:19:17.000 I go, you hit it.

00:19:19.000 You find it.

00:19:20.000 And the guy fired me on the spot.

00:19:22.000 And I didn't carry his bag.

00:19:23.000 I just put his bags down. 1.00

00:19:25.000 Fucking... 1.00

00:19:25.000 Walked in. 1.00

00:19:27.000 Dr. Angelilli. 0.99

00:19:29.000 Used to get shit-faced and then get into his car. 0.99

00:19:32.000 The parking tenants would tell me that they'd open the door and they'd have to help him in the car. 0.99

00:19:37.000 And then he'd have these little mint candies. 0.97

00:19:39.000 He'd put one in his mouth and then just fucking point in the right direction and go. 0.99

00:19:43.000 Every day. 0.99

00:19:45.000 Dude was like in his 80s.

00:19:48.000 There's people that are probably still doing that.

00:19:50.000 Yep.

00:19:50.000 You know where it's going on right now?

00:19:52.000 The PCH. You ever go down the PCH? The one near Malibu?

00:19:57.000 Wait, is that a club?

00:19:58.000 No, the PCH. Pacific Coast Highway.

00:20:00.000 Oh, right, right, right.

00:20:01.000 Pacific Coast Highway in Malibu is a very dangerous road.

00:20:04.000 Yeah.

00:20:04.000 And it's bar after bar after restaurant after bar after bar after bar after bar and then all these rich people.

00:20:12.000 Yeah.

00:20:12.000 Right?

00:20:12.000 All these people that can afford beach houses.

00:20:14.000 And then...

00:20:16.000 These people are going to these bars and restaurants and they're just driving.

00:20:18.000 Yeah.

00:20:19.000 They're driving home.

00:20:19.000 Okay, everyone's driving drunk.

00:20:21.000 There's just a ton of drunk driving.

00:20:23.000 The guy who did Pulp Fiction with Quentin Tarantino, the other guy who was involved with it, what is his name?

00:20:29.000 Roger Avery?

00:20:30.000 Is that it? 0.98

00:20:32.000 He also wrote Killing Zoe and directed it, I think, which is a fucking awesome movie. 0.91

00:20:38.000 Yeah, it's a good movie. 0.90

00:20:39.000 He's supposedly a super genius guy, right?

00:20:44.000 Roger Avery, yeah.

00:20:45.000 He apparently was involved in a horrible drunk driving accident on the PCH. That's where the Mel Gibson incident happened.

00:20:52.000 Yeah.

00:20:52.000 Right there in Malibu.

00:20:54.000 I was at a restaurant once, and I saw this guy drive off drunk.

00:20:57.000 Him and his buddies were having a water fight, and he was hammered.

00:20:59.000 And he got into his car.

00:21:01.000 They were throwing water at each other, hammered, and got in his car.

00:21:03.000 Yeah, I mean, the Valley parking attendants need to be responsible, because they can sue the restaurant. 0.99

00:21:08.000 I guess, but if you're a kid, and you're working there from college, and you see this fucking guy, what are you going to do? 0.96

00:21:14.000 He's probably some rich dude. 0.98

00:21:16.000 If you get mad at him for this...

00:21:19.000 Who knows how the restaurant's going to perceive it, if they're going to fire you.

00:21:23.000 They don't want the valets to step in and some guy throwing water. 0.98

00:21:28.000 Most likely it's easier to be like, he'll be fine.

00:21:30.000 Just let him get in that car.

00:21:31.000 The guy's like, that's what I would do if I was 20 years old and I was working there like these kids are.

00:21:35.000 I wouldn't tell this 50-year-old dude with a $10,000 watch on that he can't throw water, he can't get in his car.

00:21:42.000 I'd be scared.

00:21:43.000 I'd be like, this guy represents authority.

00:21:46.000 Yeah.

00:21:47.000 So you just let him go?

00:21:48.000 I just probably would let him go.

00:21:50.000 But I couldn't believe they were letting him go, you know?

00:21:53.000 There was a bunch of people around and people were getting upset because him and the guy were throwing water at each other and they were almost getting people.

00:21:59.000 Yeah.

00:21:59.000 So people started getting upset.

00:22:00.000 So there was like this air of tension in the air and then the valet came and the guy got in his car and we were like, wow, should we stop that?

00:22:06.000 You know, should we stop that guy from getting in a car?

00:22:08.000 It's like a judgment call. 1.00

00:22:10.000 He might have just been an idiot. 1.00

00:22:12.000 Have you ever taken someone's keys? 1.00

00:22:14.000 No, I've advised people to not drink.

00:22:16.000 Or not drive, rather.

00:22:17.000 I've definitely done that.

00:22:19.000 But I have not taken anyone's keys.

00:22:21.000 I haven't had to.

00:22:22.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:22:23.000 But I've seen some shit, man, especially when I was young. 1.00

00:22:26.000 God damn, I saw some people drive fucked up. 1.00

00:22:28.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:22:30.000 My dad.

00:22:31.000 I can remember my mom and dad fighting about her not wanting him to drive. 0.99

00:22:34.000 He'd be fucked up. 0.99

00:22:36.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:22:37.000 And I remember him driving us home one night.

00:22:39.000 My mom was screaming at him before we got in. 0.87

00:22:42.000 And then it was like a terror ride.

00:22:44.000 You know that painting, The Scream?

00:22:46.000 Yeah.

00:22:46.000 That's what I looked like in the side view mirror.

00:22:48.000 He was like going over curbs.

00:22:50.000 I was just like...

00:22:50.000 And we got home and I remember like...

00:22:53.000 We were crying.

00:22:56.000 We were little kids.

00:22:56.000 And I remember crying.

00:22:58.000 And I remember the next day he came down to the TV room and he apologized.

00:23:01.000 And he quit drinking for like maybe two months.

00:23:05.000 Wow.

00:23:05.000 Yeah.

00:23:09.000 Wow, even after two months he went back.

00:23:11.000 Hell yeah, he would quit.

00:23:14.000 He would go through that. 1.00

00:23:14.000 The grip of that fucking alcohol on some people. 1.00

00:23:20.000 Native Americans, you know? 1.00

00:23:22.000 Right.

00:23:22.000 Grip on them.

00:23:23.000 See, I haven't had it fully explained to me because I've read it both ways.

00:23:28.000 I've read that there was some sort of a genetic propensity towards alcoholism that they had because the fact that alcohol was not normal to them.

00:23:36.000 It wasn't something they had in their diet all the time, so they didn't have the enzymes or whatever it was to break it down.

00:23:41.000 Well, it's the liver.

00:23:42.000 Their liver is different. 1.00

00:23:44.000 I've read that's bullshit. 1.00

00:23:45.000 Oh, really? 1.00

00:23:46.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:23:46.000 I read that's bullshit. 1.00

00:23:48.000 That it's just cultural. 1.00

00:23:49.000 Yeah.

00:23:49.000 I don't know.

00:23:50.000 I don't know who's right.

00:23:50.000 It's hard, man.

00:23:51.000 It's undeniable that certain cultures, like ours, like the Irish, the Italians...

00:23:56.000 No doubt.

00:23:57.000 ...have a lot of alcoholism.

00:23:58.000 Right.

00:23:59.000 Well, part of it is, I mean, if you think about it culturally, Italians and Irish are both Catholics.

00:24:03.000 There's a lot of repression.

00:24:05.000 There's a lot of shame.

00:24:07.000 And, you know, when that happens, I think people act out.

00:24:10.000 And I think they're...

00:24:12.000 You know, Italians have lived under fascism and the Catholic Church. 1.00

00:24:17.000 So, fucking, you need an escape. 1.00

00:24:20.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:24:23.000 Man.

00:24:24.000 So you can drink healthy.

00:24:26.000 I see you drink tequila sometimes.

00:24:29.000 You can handle it.

00:24:30.000 Yeah, I can not do it.

00:24:31.000 I can not do it for long stretches of time.

00:24:35.000 It doesn't...

00:24:36.000 It's not something I need.

00:24:37.000 I enjoy it while it's happening, but I understand the pull, the biological pull that some people have.

00:24:43.000 I just don't have it.

00:24:44.000 Can you get drunk sometimes, like real drunk?

00:24:47.000 I try not to get real drunk, and the drunkest I've been in recent memory has been on this podcast.

00:24:52.000 Really?

00:24:53.000 Yeah, a couple of times.

00:24:54.000 Kreischer? 0.91

00:24:54.000 Well, no, Kreischer for sure in the past, but I did one recently with Hannibal, Hannibal Buress. 0.91

00:25:00.000 We got fucking lit.

00:25:01.000 We got lit to the point where my tongue started getting heavy. 0.99

00:25:03.000 It was hard to move around.

00:25:07.000 I had a struggle while I was trying to enter a word.

00:25:12.000 It was like I was doing...

00:25:13.000 You ever use one of those heavy jump ropes?

00:25:15.000 Like those jump ropes. 0.96

00:25:16.000 This is ridiculous. 0.96

00:25:17.000 Like jumping rope is hard enough. 1.00

00:25:18.000 Why do I have to have this fucking ship rope? 0.99

00:25:20.000 You know? 0.99

00:25:21.000 But they make these like really heavy ones.

00:25:23.000 That's what my tongue felt like.

00:25:24.000 Yeah.

00:25:24.000 What a job.

00:25:25.000 Think about your job description. 0.99

00:25:27.000 Yeah, it's pretty ridiculous. 0.99

00:25:28.000 Get high, drink, whatever. 0.96

00:25:29.000 Go for as long as you want. 1.00

00:25:31.000 Talk some shit. 1.00

00:25:32.000 Talk some shit. 1.00

00:25:32.000 So did Hannibal take an Uber home? 1.00

00:25:35.000 Yes, he did.

00:25:36.000 Yes, he did.

00:25:36.000 Yeah, he took one here, took one home.

00:25:38.000 He's hilarious.

00:25:39.000 Yeah, he is funny.

00:25:40.000 And we went on to another podcast right afterwards, because my friend Josh Zeps came in to do his podcast from here with Sam Harris.

00:25:48.000 Do you know who Sam Harris is?

00:25:49.000 Yeah.

00:25:49.000 Famed atheist slash neuroscientist.

00:25:52.000 Yeah.

00:25:52.000 And Hannibal and Sam Harris had like this epic argument.

00:25:56.000 Oh yeah?

00:25:57.000 While Hannibal was hammered. 1.00

00:25:58.000 No shit! 1.00

00:25:59.000 Oh, I gotta listen to that. 1.00

00:26:01.000 And I was hammered too, so I was trying to like, I was trying to chime in and I was so, the whole thing was so...

00:26:09.000 It was so not good.

00:26:11.000 Even my attempts were so clumsy.

00:26:13.000 My attempts to calm the situation down were so embarrassing.

00:26:18.000 Oh, that's great.

00:26:19.000 Yeah.

00:26:20.000 That's on Josh Zeps?

00:26:22.000 Yeah, it hasn't come out yet.

00:26:23.000 Okay.

00:26:24.000 I don't know what he's going to do, if he's even going to release it.

00:26:28.000 He's got to release it.

00:26:29.000 Well, the problem is Hannibal didn't know he was going to be drunk on a podcast talking to a neuroscientist about race issues.

00:26:35.000 Yeah.

00:26:36.000 Oh, race issues. 0.99

00:26:37.000 And about cops shooting black people and statistics. 0.99

00:26:41.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:26:41.000 See, the statistics... 0.99

00:26:43.000 I don't know if this is accurate.

00:26:45.000 I'm just knowing what I've read.

00:26:46.000 And I don't know what this means, but I'm just going to say it.

00:26:49.000 The statistics are, like, people would think that cops are more violent and they shoot more black people than white people, like per capita or percentage or whatever it is.

00:26:57.000 Apparently it's not true.

00:26:59.000 So they showed this study recently that shows that if you look at the overall...

00:27:05.000 Let's find out what those numbers are so we can talk about it and know exactly what we're saying.

00:27:08.000 Because this was the argument they were having.

00:27:09.000 In other words, white communities experience as many shootings from cops as black communities. 0.96

00:27:14.000 It's essentially damning towards what I've always said.

00:27:17.000 I think most people, almost 99% of the people are unqualified to be a cop.

00:27:22.000 I think it's an unbelievably difficult job.

00:27:24.000 I think cops shoot people all the time and they shouldn't shoot people.

00:27:27.000 And they're dealing with 300 million plus people in this one continent.

00:27:32.000 And we're looking at the stories of all these cops in all of these cities. 0.96

00:27:37.000 In all of these counties, in all these states, all over the country, you're dealing with a fucking mammoth amount of people. 0.97

00:27:43.000 It's just, because of the history of racism... 0.99

00:27:47.000 It's more disturbing to us to think that there's white cops that are targeting black kids, which they most certainly must be. 1.00

00:27:55.000 There most certainly must be some of them.

00:27:57.000 If you think of the amount of people we're talking about, there most likely is a racist or two amongst them, or who knows how many.

00:28:06.000 There's no denying that.

00:28:07.000 Or systemic racism in the department. 0.99

00:28:09.000 Yeah, but I feel like we're all on this heightened sense of like conflict because we're looking at the conflicts between Millions of fucking people and we're an individual and we're taking in these numbers these interactions million literally millions of people interacting with police officers every day It's way too much for our fucking brains, 0.99

00:28:33.000 right? 0.99

00:28:33.000 So we start thinking Jesus the cops are killing black people everywhere well turns out They're just shooting people everywhere. 0.99

00:28:40.000 It's black people and white people. 1.00

00:28:42.000 It's just there's been some really damning videos of them doing it to black people. 0.98

00:28:46.000 And again, there's probably a lot of cops that are racist. 0.97

00:28:49.000 Yeah.

00:28:50.000 I have to see these stats because I haven't heard anything like that.

00:28:53.000 This is what it was.

00:28:54.000 From the Washington Post, they got it.

00:28:56.000 Really?

00:28:56.000 Yeah.

00:28:57.000 Okay, let's look at the actual numbers.

00:28:58.000 Where are the actual numbers?

00:29:00.000 Okay.

00:29:01.000 The Post began its police shootings project in response to the 2014 killing of Michael Brown in Ferguson, Missouri, a death that triggered days of rioting, the assassination of two New York City police officers, and a surge of support for the Black Lives Matter protest movement.

00:29:16.000 Blah, blah, [...

00:29:18.000 As of January 15th, the Post had documented 987 victims of fatal police shootings in 2015, about twice the number historically recorded by federal agencies.

00:29:29.000 Whites were 50% of those victims and blacks were 26%. 1.00

00:29:33.000 By comparison, whites are 62% of the US population and blacks are 13%.

00:29:38.000 The ensuing debate is largely centered on whether the disproportionate number of black deaths was a result of police racism or the relatively high rate of crime in black neighborhoods, which brings black men into more frequent and more fraught encounters with the police.

00:29:54.000 So it seems to me, just looking at those numbers right there, that it says whites were 50% of those victims and blacks were 26%.

00:30:05.000 Well, that's just, right away, there's way more white people than there are black people. 0.64

00:30:10.000 So that seems to me... 0.62

00:30:11.000 Right, but percentage-wise, the blacks are twice as likely. 0.55

00:30:15.000 If they're 13% of the population and 26% of the victims, they're double, and whites are 20%. 0.99

00:30:24.000 So it's proportionately...

00:30:26.000 Less likely.

00:30:26.000 So this is, in fact, kind of like disproving what you're saying.

00:30:31.000 Right.

00:30:32.000 It's saying there is a trend.

00:30:33.000 Yeah.

00:30:33.000 But what they're saying is, is it sociological?

00:30:36.000 Is it the fact that blacks are living in dangerous neighborhoods the reason why there's more? 1.00

00:30:40.000 Which is totally logical. 0.97

00:30:42.000 Yeah, well, that's the argument that he should have made.

00:30:44.000 This is not the argument he made.

00:30:46.000 That's interesting, because I didn't know that that was what the statistics were, and I wish I knew that going into that conversation.

00:30:51.000 I obviously had no idea we were going to have this conversation, or I would have.

00:30:55.000 Huh.

00:30:56.000 That's interesting because that, you know, I mean, you can blame it on the neighborhood, you can blame it on crime-ridden communities, but if we're just going to go statistics to statistic, well, then they're right. 0.96

00:31:06.000 More black people are getting shot by cops. 0.86

00:31:08.000 Right. 0.99

00:31:09.000 But people are getting shot by cops.

00:31:10.000 Like, it's a lot. 1.00

00:31:11.000 There's a lot of fucking people getting shot. 0.99

00:31:12.000 Up 50% in 2015. What is that all about? 1.00

00:31:17.000 Dude, I don't know.

00:31:18.000 It's just terrifying.

00:31:20.000 It feels like this whole gun issue, it didn't used to be an issue.

00:31:23.000 You know that?

00:31:24.000 The NRA used to be like a hunting organization.

00:31:27.000 Right.

00:31:27.000 And people just owned guns and it wasn't a big deal.

00:31:30.000 And then they made it a political issue.

00:31:32.000 And now I feel like there's almost like gun coveting.

00:31:36.000 I think there's more people that are dangerous that are getting guns.

00:31:40.000 And I think the police are probably responding to that.

00:31:43.000 Well, that could definitely be the case.

00:31:46.000 I mean, there's also, when you look at guns, and this is one thing that I don't think we really consider that much.

00:31:53.000 There's a gun industry, okay, and they're manufacturing guns constantly.

00:32:00.000 And they're manufacturing them for civilians, and they can use them legally, and they can own them legally, and it's their right.

00:32:07.000 And people exercise that Second Amendment right.

00:32:09.000 And they have a lot of guns.

00:32:10.000 And this business keeps making guns.

00:32:13.000 And there's just a lot of guns.

00:32:14.000 Lot of guns. 0.99

00:32:16.000 At one point in time, we're going to have fucking guns all over the place. 0.99

00:32:20.000 I mean, the world's going to be safer because no one's going to be shooting people. 0.99

00:32:23.000 Because everyone's going to have a gun.

00:32:25.000 Well, I think in America there's as many guns as there are people right now.

00:32:29.000 I think there's more.

00:32:30.000 Oh, really?

00:32:31.000 I think there's more.

00:32:32.000 Yeah.

00:32:32.000 Find that out because I think it was one of those things where they were like the numbers switched over.

00:32:37.000 Yeah, they broke the threshold.

00:32:39.000 The guns have outfucked us.

00:32:41.000 Now it's gonna be like everybody's gonna have the...

00:32:43.000 What is it, Jamie?

00:32:44.000 It's about the same.

00:32:45.000 It's about the same?

00:32:46.000 There are roughly twice as many guns per capita as there were in 1968. More than 300 million guns in all.

00:32:52.000 So it's basically the population, yeah.

00:32:54.000 One for one.

00:32:55.000 Wow.

00:32:56.000 How many do you have?

00:32:57.000 I got a few.

00:32:58.000 Yeah.

00:33:02.000 I think about it.

00:33:04.000 You think about having one?

00:33:05.000 Well, I feel mixed because, first of all, it would feel badass to have a gun.

00:33:10.000 I'll just say that right out there.

00:33:11.000 I can't believe you went there. 0.97

00:33:13.000 It would feel really fucking cool to hold some steel. 0.96

00:33:15.000 And I'd have a safe, and I'd put it in the safe. 0.99

00:33:18.000 And then it would feel good to know that if shit got really bad, that I'd be able to go out and kill the people that have the food and the water. 1.00

00:33:26.000 Wow. 1.00

00:33:27.000 Or yourself.

00:33:29.000 We're right!

00:33:30.000 Did you ever see that movie, The Road?

00:33:32.000 No.

00:33:33.000 I didn't see it.

00:33:34.000 And this is why I didn't see it, because I started watching it.

00:33:36.000 And early on, spoiler alert!

00:33:38.000 Early on in the movie, he was talking to his kid about how to kill yourself. 0.96

00:33:43.000 He was showing his kid how to put the gun in your mouth if someone's coming to get you. 0.92

00:33:47.000 Really?

00:33:47.000 Yeah.

00:33:48.000 Who's the star of it?

00:33:50.000 What's that dude's name?

00:33:52.000 Handsome fellow.

00:33:53.000 David Duchovny?

00:33:54.000 No.

00:33:55.000 No.

00:33:57.000 They're doing X-Files again, aren't they?

00:33:58.000 That's real, right?

00:33:59.000 Are they?

00:34:00.000 Yeah.

00:34:00.000 What's his name?

00:34:00.000 Could use the work.

00:34:01.000 Viggo Mortensen. 0.99

00:34:03.000 Oh, he's fucking great. 0.98

00:34:04.000 He's awesome. 0.98

00:34:05.000 I'm seeing that.

00:34:06.000 The road?

00:34:06.000 Yeah.

00:34:07.000 I love that you have a little yellow legal pad now for your guests.

00:34:10.000 I've had them for a while, yeah.

00:34:11.000 I've already got down Josh Zeps and the road.

00:34:16.000 Yeah, I wish I would go over these notes.

00:34:18.000 There's probably some gold in there.

00:34:20.000 Oh, you have notes? 1.00

00:34:21.000 I write shit all the time. 0.99

00:34:23.000 I write shit all the time, like in the middle of a podcast that I need to remember, and it never comes up. 1.00

00:34:27.000 See if there's anything good in there. 0.99

00:34:28.000 Dude, I can barely read my own handwriting.

00:34:30.000 Yeah, that's pretty bad. 1.00

00:34:31.000 It's becoming so that handwriting seems so stupid. 0.99

00:34:35.000 Like, oh, let me make my mark with the ink. 0.99

00:34:38.000 Yeah.

00:34:38.000 Like, texting is so much better.

00:34:41.000 Well, you know what's weird is the schools are deciding to stop teaching cursive now.

00:34:46.000 Yeah.

00:34:47.000 Which is a shame because cursive is much, much faster.

00:34:51.000 Yeah, but it's goofy. 0.88

00:34:53.000 Too many people are goofy with it.

00:34:54.000 They'll give you one of these... 0.99

00:34:56.000 You're like, what the fuck is that word? 0.99

00:34:58.000 How the hell do I know what that word is? 1.00

00:35:00.000 You barely made any movement, you lazy fuck. 1.00

00:35:03.000 Yeah, you kind of keep sliding your hand as you're writing. 1.00

00:35:05.000 You can't leave it there. 0.99

00:35:06.000 That's why cursive ended, because people were fucking lazy. 0.99

00:35:09.000 Because lazy people would write you shit, and it was just this dribble of ups and downs. 1.00

00:35:16.000 Was that an N? Is it a U? It looks like a giant signature. 1.00

00:35:21.000 It looks like a fucking EKG. It's so stupid. 1.00

00:35:25.000 It needs to go away. 1.00

00:35:26.000 I need to know what an A is.

00:35:27.000 Is that an A? Well, make it look like an A, you fuck. 1.00

00:35:29.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:35:30.000 It can't be left to your interpretation of what an A should be. 0.99

00:35:34.000 If you make a T, cross it where the fucking T is. 0.99

00:35:36.000 Not near it. 0.98

00:35:37.000 Don't put the I over the L. Is there an I over an L? No, like, the dot should be above the stem of the I, but it's always at the letter next to it.

00:35:47.000 Right.

00:35:49.000 What about, like, does anybody ever put the i over the lowercase j?

00:35:56.000 Did they do that anymore?

00:35:57.000 Or do I make that up?

00:35:59.000 You're supposed to put an i, like a dot, over the lowercase j.

00:36:03.000 Yeah, of course.

00:36:03.000 Does anybody do that?

00:36:05.000 I do. 1.00

00:36:06.000 Fuck yeah. 0.99

00:36:06.000 So if you're writing something by hand, you'd put a dot over the lowercase j? 0.99

00:36:10.000 Absolutely.

00:36:13.000 I mean, it's...

00:36:14.000 I barely knew you were supposed to do it.

00:36:16.000 Yes.

00:36:16.000 Like, I had to ask.

00:36:17.000 I was questioning it.

00:36:18.000 I knew it.

00:36:19.000 I'm pretty sure.

00:36:20.000 But I'm like, who does that?

00:36:22.000 Yeah.

00:36:23.000 You gotta do it.

00:36:24.000 Whoa.

00:36:25.000 You're a stickler for that.

00:36:27.000 I just feel like maybe because I grew up Catholic and penmanship was actually a big deal.

00:36:31.000 Well, you're actually, people might not even know, you're an Emmy award-winning writer.

00:36:36.000 That's right.

00:36:37.000 Yeah.

00:36:37.000 And that's how they give out the Emmys.

00:36:39.000 They look at your penmanship.

00:36:40.000 We do all the scripts by hand.

00:36:41.000 You actually are a writer.

00:36:42.000 Right.

00:36:42.000 You know what I'm saying?

00:36:43.000 Yeah.

00:36:45.000 You gotta know how to put that dot there.

00:36:48.000 It's so weird when you look at Russian. 1.00

00:36:50.000 If you look at any...

00:36:51.000 I follow a lot of Russian athletes.

00:36:53.000 I follow their Instagram pages.

00:36:54.000 Yeah.

00:36:55.000 And I look at the Russian... 1.00

00:36:56.000 Mars.

00:36:56.000 I know.

00:36:57.000 They might as well be from Mars.

00:36:58.000 What's up with all these fake letters you guys got?

00:37:00.000 Yeah.

00:37:00.000 Like this jumble of...

00:37:02.000 How did this happen?

00:37:03.000 How are we so shitty at communicating that we let all these different styles of language exist to the point where none of us can...

00:37:11.000 It's like the Tower of Babel. 0.95

00:37:15.000 When do you think we will have one language?

00:37:20.000 It's a good question, man. 0.99

00:37:22.000 Look at all the weird shit they have, like that boomerang above the backwards N. Like, what the fuck is going on up there? 0.99

00:37:28.000 And how about the other one that looks like Red Dragons, like the Jason Ellis logo? 0.99

00:37:34.000 That's up there. 0.99

00:37:37.000 And they have like a regular A and a regular P. What the fuck? 0.99

00:37:40.000 Can't we agree? 1.00

00:37:41.000 These assholes from the past. 1.00

00:37:43.000 That looks like a dick. 1.00

00:37:43.000 The one in the middle on the right. 1.00

00:37:44.000 Oh, that's a vagina. 1.00

00:37:45.000 That's a little vagina. 1.00

00:37:46.000 That's a very excited, puffy one. 1.00

00:37:48.000 Yeah, that's a 16-year-old girl. 0.74

00:37:50.000 Hey, no, no, no, it's a 19-year-old girl.

00:37:53.000 19, I mean.

00:37:54.000 It's a girl who's 19 and grew up in Europe, so they have a different attitude.

00:37:58.000 And they clearly shave.

00:38:00.000 Yeah, isn't that, I mean, how much more could have been done a long time ago if we all spoke one language? 0.99

00:38:05.000 That Tower of Babel shit, although obviously it's... 0.99

00:38:08.000 Wait, what's the Tower of Babel? 1.00

00:38:09.000 A story from the Bible.

00:38:10.000 Didn't read it.

00:38:11.000 How dare you?

00:38:12.000 I know, and I'm talking about what a Catholic I am.

00:38:14.000 You're a Catholic!

00:38:15.000 I was a Catholic for a year.

00:38:17.000 The Tower of Babel is...

00:38:20.000 The whole thing about it was that there's all these different languages and that there was some...

00:38:25.000 Let's go to the actual official definition because I'm gonna fuck it up.

00:38:29.000 But that...

00:38:30.000 One of the ways to keep us from understanding each other was to give us so many different languages that we couldn't communicate with each other.

00:38:35.000 Right.

00:38:36.000 What does this say?

00:38:38.000 What's the myth?

00:38:40.000 Find out where the myth is here, young Jeremy.

00:38:43.000 According to the story, a united humanity...

00:38:45.000 There it is.

00:38:46.000 A united humanity of the generations following the Great Flood, speaking in a single language and migrating from the East, came to the land...

00:38:54.000 Is it going any further?

00:38:57.000 No.

00:38:57.000 Okay.

00:38:57.000 Came to the land of Shinar?

00:39:00.000 Say that.

00:39:03.000 Shinar?

00:39:19.000 So that's the idea of what...

00:39:21.000 Wow.

00:39:28.000 But we're all like, so like, this is my culture, man.

00:39:30.000 Like, this is my culture.

00:39:31.000 This is who I am.

00:39:32.000 You know?

00:39:33.000 I'm not abandoning this.

00:39:35.000 Like, we all have this, like, sense of...

00:39:37.000 I mean, it's kind of cool.

00:39:39.000 Like, Flemish.

00:39:40.000 Mm-hmm.

00:39:41.000 It's like this...

00:39:42.000 What is that?

00:39:43.000 Uh, Hollands?

00:39:44.000 I don't know.

00:39:45.000 Well, I think it's the Netherlands.

00:39:47.000 Is that what it's called?

00:39:48.000 The Netherlands speak Flemish.

00:39:48.000 They speak Dutch.

00:39:50.000 Don't they speak Dutch?

00:39:51.000 No, the Dutch people speak Flemish.

00:39:53.000 Oh, that's the...

00:39:53.000 And they live in the Netherlands.

00:39:54.000 Okay.

00:39:55.000 Which is also called Holland.

00:39:57.000 Okay. 1.00

00:39:57.000 What the fuck? 1.00

00:39:58.000 There's a lot of different names. 1.00

00:40:00.000 Yeah.

00:40:01.000 Flemish, yep.

00:40:02.000 Gregory's correct.

00:40:03.000 The Dutch language spoken in Flanders.

00:40:05.000 One of the two official languages of Belgium.

00:40:08.000 Hmm.

00:40:08.000 Huh.

00:40:09.000 The people of Flanders.

00:40:10.000 And you know they have to speak three other languages because they got England next to them, they got France next to them, they got Germany.

00:40:16.000 But hold on a second.

00:40:18.000 That was confusing.

00:40:19.000 It says it's spoken in Flanders, one of the two official languages of Belgium, but that's Belgium is not Holland. 0.99

00:40:26.000 So what the fuck? 0.99

00:40:27.000 Did we screw it up? 1.00

00:40:28.000 I think we screwed it up.

00:40:29.000 Are the Dutch... 1.00

00:40:33.000 It's a variety of Dutch.

00:40:35.000 Okay, here's another one.

00:40:36.000 Flemish, also called Flemish Dutch, Belgium Dutch, and or Southern Dutch, refers to the varieties of the Dutch language spoken in Flanders, the northern part of Belgium.

00:40:47.000 The term Flemish is used at least five ways.

00:40:50.000 It seems like it's all in Belgium, man.

00:40:52.000 Yeah.

00:40:53.000 So what do people in Holland speak?

00:40:55.000 I think they speak Dutch.

00:40:56.000 The people in Holland, they're probably so mad at us now. 1.00

00:41:00.000 You fucking idiots. 1.00

00:41:01.000 We have to watch your stupid elections and you don't even know what language we speak. 1.00

00:41:07.000 The whole world knows that Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton are clawing each other's eyes out to become the president. 1.00

00:41:13.000 And we don't know their language.

00:41:16.000 That's what they speak?

00:41:17.000 They speak Dutch and what is that one?

00:41:19.000 Frisian? 0.67

00:41:22.000 Papiamento?

00:41:24.000 Papiamento?

00:41:26.000 Yeah, they...

00:41:27.000 Well, I've been to South Africa and they speak Dutch there.

00:41:30.000 And they've... 0.99

00:41:34.000 Yeah, they fucked up South Africa, man. 0.99

00:41:37.000 They came in hard to Dutch. 1.00

00:41:39.000 It's so weird.

00:41:40.000 It's so weird.

00:41:41.000 When you look at the pockets of white people, like when apartheid was kicking, you look at how bizarre that must have been. 0.98

00:41:49.000 These white racist people living in South Africa, surrounded by black people. 0.96

00:41:55.000 And they came over on boats, essentially. 0.99

00:41:58.000 They're like the last of one of those...

00:42:00.000 Colony, you know, expansion experiments.

00:42:03.000 Yeah.

00:42:03.000 They went to Africa.

00:42:05.000 Right.

00:42:05.000 The British had already been there.

00:42:07.000 I think the French might have been there. 0.99

00:42:08.000 But the Dutch were the ones that came in and just fucking... 1.00

00:42:11.000 Dude. 1.00

00:42:12.000 Turned the screws.

00:42:13.000 Imagine if there was an Africa to Africa. 0.98

00:42:15.000 You know, we look at Africa, right?

00:42:18.000 And we go, wow, that's where civilization began. 1.00

00:42:21.000 Look, there's fucking lions and people are... 0.99

00:42:24.000 The Maasai warriors are running around with spears. 1.00

00:42:26.000 They have to kill a lion to be a man.

00:42:29.000 They're all dancing around the fire in Tanzania.

00:42:31.000 And you're like, wow, this is a window to a totally different world.

00:42:36.000 Africa in itself. 0.99

00:42:37.000 What if there was a place even fucking crazier than that? 0.99

00:42:41.000 If you pass Africa, the Africans went to the dark lands, and there's just monsters tearing each other apart left and right. 1.00

00:42:49.000 Nothing survives more than a few minutes. 1.00

00:42:50.000 Everything's just fucking and killing, and it's just chaos. 1.00

00:42:55.000 Women bent in half eating their babies as they come out of the womb. 1.00

00:42:59.000 Yeah, and bandits dressed like human dumpsters with machine guns running around blowing each other up. 0.98

00:43:07.000 Everything's bulletproof and on fire.

00:43:10.000 And then Africa is like, I can't go over there. 1.00

00:43:12.000 It's too fucking crazy. 0.99

00:43:14.000 Right, right. 1.00

00:43:15.000 Those people are looking at the Africans and going like, wow, wow, they do castrations with swords.

00:43:21.000 That's actually kind of nice.

00:43:22.000 It's better than the rock we're using.

00:43:23.000 Yeah.

00:43:24.000 Hmm.

00:43:25.000 There's this one episode of the show that I watched called Jim Shockey's Uncharted.

00:43:30.000 He's this guy who goes to all these different parts of the world and he's a professional hunter and he goes to these places and sometimes they eradicate like dangerous animals that are threatening villages.

00:43:41.000 And one of the episodes he went to this village, I don't remember what part of the Congo it was, but they have these giant saltwater crocodiles that eat people.

00:43:52.000 And while they were there, a woman got ate. 0.99

00:43:54.000 No shit. 0.99

00:43:56.000 While they were there filming, they took her away. 1.00

00:43:58.000 Yeah.

00:43:58.000 They took her out into the water, man.

00:44:00.000 Number one cause of death in Africa.

00:44:03.000 Crocodiles.

00:44:03.000 I thought it was hippos.

00:44:05.000 Maybe you're right.

00:44:05.000 I was making it up anyway.

00:44:09.000 I think on this episode, your listeners should fact check, like, Flemish.

00:44:13.000 Yeah.

00:44:13.000 Number one cause of death in Africa.

00:44:15.000 Get back to me about...

00:44:16.000 And then the police, we were wrong about the statistics of police violence, too.

00:44:21.000 All right.

00:44:22.000 Yeah, the alligator crocodile things, especially crocodiles, are way more aggressive.

00:44:29.000 Yeah, and they're bigger.

00:44:30.000 Some of them are.

00:44:31.000 The American crocodiles are actually smaller than the American alligators.

00:44:35.000 American crocodiles are super aggressive though.

00:44:37.000 They're dog eaters. 0.99

00:44:39.000 Is that Florida?

00:44:40.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:44:40.000 There's a small population that's protected because we don't have enough monsters and we would like them to keep fucking. 1.00

00:44:48.000 Hey man, you don't understand the ecosystem. 0.99

00:44:50.000 I'm kidding.

00:44:51.000 I'm kidding, folks.

00:44:52.000 Relax.

00:44:53.000 I'm not anti-crocodile, but it's kind of weird.

00:44:57.000 It's weird.

00:44:58.000 It's kind of weird that we want to keep those monsters around.

00:45:00.000 I mean, it's a shame because, well, you see what's happening to sharks.

00:45:02.000 They kill, I forget the numbers, it's something like three million sharks a year.

00:45:07.000 Yes, they do, right? 0.99

00:45:08.000 And it's like, that's fucking crazy. 0.99

00:45:11.000 And they're harmless animals to us. 0.99

00:45:13.000 There's like four deaths a year in the world from shark bite.

00:45:17.000 Why am I putting all these statistics out?

00:45:19.000 I don't think you're far off though.

00:45:22.000 Yeah.

00:45:23.000 I think we found out once, but I don't remember what the number was.

00:45:25.000 It was less than 25 people die every year from sharks, right?

00:45:30.000 I got caught up looking at something.

00:45:32.000 Buffalo supposedly reportedly kill as many people in Africa as hippos and crocodiles.

00:45:37.000 Oh, for sure. 0.96

00:45:38.000 Buffalo.

00:45:39.000 Oh, yeah.

00:45:40.000 Cape Buffalo.

00:45:41.000 Those huge Cape Buffalo. 1.00

00:45:42.000 They call them the Black Death.

00:45:45.000 Yeah?

00:45:45.000 Dude, they're terrifying.

00:45:47.000 They run in herds.

00:45:48.000 Well, look at what that looks like.

00:45:49.000 Scroll up a little bit there, Jimmy.

00:45:51.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:45:51.000 Look at that fucking thing. 1.00

00:45:52.000 And they're super aggressive. 1.00

00:45:54.000 Yeah.

00:45:54.000 Because they're fighting off lions all the time, man.

00:45:56.000 Yeah.

00:45:58.000 The Widowmaker.

00:45:59.000 There's an incredible documentary called Relentless Enemies and it's about this one particular pride of lions that lives on an island in Africa where the rivers changed its course And it's stranded these islands from the rest of Africa.

00:46:20.000 These lions can't get out of this island. 0.98

00:46:22.000 And all they have to eat on this island are these giant fucking buffaloes. 1.00

00:46:27.000 Wow. 0.99

00:46:28.000 So the lions themselves have grown huge.

00:46:31.000 And they've become super-sized lions.

00:46:33.000 Where females, like an adult female of one of these tribes, there's one particular tribe where they're enormous. 1.00

00:46:39.000 They look like the Hulk.

00:46:40.000 They don't even look like real lions.

00:46:42.000 Where the adult females are as large as a regular adult male in other prides.

00:46:49.000 Yeah.

00:46:49.000 And so, see if you find that.

00:46:50.000 Relentless enemies, lion photos. 0.99

00:46:52.000 It's a fucking incredible documentary. 1.00

00:46:54.000 Wow. 0.99

00:46:55.000 Because it just shows you, like, nature's gonna find a way.

00:46:58.000 Like, oh, all we can eat is buffalo?

00:47:00.000 Looks like we're gonna have to get a little bigger, boys.

00:47:02.000 Yeah.

00:47:02.000 And they just got bigger.

00:47:03.000 Yeah.

00:47:03.000 Like, the cats, the bigger cats stayed alive.

00:47:06.000 The bigger cats figured out how to do it.

00:47:07.000 And when they go after them, look at the size of that thing.

00:47:11.000 That's a female. 1.00

00:47:12.000 Shit. 1.00

00:47:13.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:47:14.000 And they're taking out these giant buffaloes.

00:47:18.000 Like, look at the size of these things. 0.99

00:47:19.000 Sharp ass horns. 1.00

00:47:19.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:47:20.000 Sharp ass horns. 1.00

00:47:21.000 See if you get some photos of the individual lions, like, so you get, well, there's a good, good photo of it, but just look up relentless enemies. 0.97

00:47:29.000 That's what I did.

00:47:30.000 Oh, and then this was...

00:47:31.000 Yeah.

00:47:32.000 Okay.

00:47:33.000 Yeah, just lions.

00:47:35.000 There's some photos of them where they're in motion, where you've got to kind of get a sense of the real mass that they have.

00:47:42.000 I think I saw one of those buffaloes chase off a crocodile who was eating another species of animal.

00:47:51.000 Wow.

00:47:52.000 I would believe that.

00:47:56.000 Buffaloes are enormous animals.

00:47:58.000 You're talking about something that's like 2,000 plus pounds often.

00:48:02.000 I wonder what the biggest of the males grows to.

00:48:07.000 Have you been on safari?

00:48:10.000 Really?

00:48:10.000 I'm surprised.

00:48:11.000 No.

00:48:11.000 Scared.

00:48:12.000 No shit. 1.00

00:48:13.000 Tom Poppo was just here. 1.00

00:48:14.000 He just got back.

00:48:15.000 Oh, yeah?

00:48:15.000 I just don't want to give my kids malaria medication.

00:48:18.000 Right, right.

00:48:19.000 It's too young. 1.00

00:48:20.000 It's just too fucked up to require that. 0.99

00:48:23.000 And you've got to take it while you're over there. 0.99

00:48:25.000 You've got to take it every day, right?

00:48:26.000 Yeah, and then you've got to get a typhoid shot. 0.94

00:48:29.000 Well, go in the winter.

00:48:30.000 Go during their winter.

00:48:31.000 You don't have to do it then.

00:48:32.000 Really?

00:48:33.000 Yeah, I went over there twice, but both times it was their winter, which is our summer, and you don't need malaria.

00:48:39.000 No kidding?

00:48:40.000 So you didn't do anything?

00:48:41.000 Nope.

00:48:41.000 Wow.

00:48:41.000 So you have malaria?

00:48:43.000 Yep.

00:48:43.000 Don't you see how small my...

00:48:44.000 Look at the headphones.

00:48:45.000 They're practically touching.

00:48:46.000 My head is so small.

00:48:47.000 I think that's Zika.

00:48:47.000 Oh, that's Zika.

00:48:51.000 That's Zika stuff, man.

00:48:53.000 Well, the big danger now is not the mosquitoes.

00:48:55.000 It's that it's a sexually transmitted disease, and they say its infection rate is about the same as AIDS was.

00:49:03.000 Oh, really?

00:49:04.000 Yeah.

00:49:05.000 Wow. 0.96

00:49:07.000 Well, there's areas in Miami now where they're thinking about, like, cordoning off blocks and shit, right? 0.98

00:49:12.000 Why? 0.97

00:49:13.000 Because they saw mosquitoes there?

00:49:14.000 Yeah, because they have so many cases of Zika. 1.00

00:49:19.000 Damn. 1.00

00:49:19.000 Dude. 1.00

00:49:21.000 It's growing, too, because they don't have a vaccine and they say they're years away from a vaccine.

00:49:25.000 Man...

00:49:27.000 It's just one day there's gonna be some insurmountable biological threat to people.

00:49:34.000 You know, one day, there's gonna be some dark wave that sweeps across the population, and then there's gonna be a rebuilding process.

00:49:42.000 Right.

00:49:43.000 This has happened so many times, with so many different things, too.

00:49:47.000 Like, it doesn't necessarily... 0.94

00:49:49.000 And this is not something to freak out about, but just to put it in perspective, there's been so many fucking times...

00:49:56.000 Where something's happened, whether it's some gigantic event, like a super volcano, or diseases, or just giant chunks of the population just died. 0.92

00:50:07.000 Yeah.

00:50:09.000 Yeah, I mean, there's theories about it, that there's population control of stuff that's built in, and it can manifest itself as disease, natural disasters, or war.

00:50:21.000 But the population is kept in check.

00:50:25.000 I guess that's just the system that nature runs on.

00:50:29.000 It just finds a way to exploit any weakness.

00:50:31.000 If the numbers get too high, there's more weaknesses.

00:50:34.000 Nature finds a way, develops a strong attack, and it gets in there. 0.99

00:50:37.000 It's like this little fucking ping-pong math game that's going on constantly. 0.99

00:50:42.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:50:42.000 Adjustments, and then there's medicine. 0.99

00:50:45.000 A bunch of scientists are fucking shaking test tubes. 0.98

00:50:48.000 Racing against the disease all the time. 1.00

00:50:51.000 Goddamn, man. 0.99

00:50:52.000 I mean, that's pressure. 0.99

00:50:53.000 That's a long day.

00:50:55.000 I mean, you think about people that work long hours. 0.96

00:50:56.000 When you're a scientist that's trying to break the code on a fucking vaccine, that could be, you know, like with Ebola when they were trying to figure something out. 0.93

00:51:05.000 Yeah. 0.98

00:51:06.000 What happened to Ebola?

00:51:08.000 We got it.

00:51:09.000 We got it?

00:51:09.000 Yeah, we got it like they got Gaddafi.

00:51:13.000 We got it.

00:51:16.000 You mean Bin Laden?

00:51:17.000 That too.

00:51:18.000 They got Qaddafi too.

00:51:19.000 Here we got Qaddafi.

00:51:20.000 The Qaddafi video is maybe the most disturbing video ever. 1.00

00:51:24.000 Oh, no shit! 1.00

00:51:25.000 You've never seen it? 1.00

00:51:26.000 No.

00:51:26.000 Oh, dude.

00:51:27.000 You're in for a treat.

00:51:29.000 The military released it?

00:51:30.000 You're in for a treat.

00:51:31.000 Oh, cell phone video got released immediately.

00:51:34.000 This is what happened.

00:51:35.000 The rebels overcame, and the United States backed rebels, right?

00:51:39.000 I don't know the full history of how it went down.

00:51:42.000 Do you know the full history?

00:51:43.000 I know that at one point we were happy about Gaddafi. 1.00

00:51:46.000 Yes.

00:51:47.000 So they have Gaddafi.

00:51:49.000 This is him dead.

00:51:51.000 But there's a video of him where they have him and they're yelling, Allah, Allah, Allah, Allah, Allah, and they've got him.

00:51:57.000 Oh, is that him?

00:51:58.000 Yep. 0.98

00:51:58.000 And the rebels all have him and they're beating the fuck out of him. 0.98

00:52:01.000 And they start sticking things up his ass like swords. 1.00

00:52:05.000 They stick swords up his ass. 1.00

00:52:06.000 And they're stabbing him there. 1.00

00:52:08.000 See how they're stabbing him there? 1.00

00:52:09.000 Damn. 1.00

00:52:10.000 I mean, they just showed a murder on TV right there. 1.00

00:52:13.000 Yeah.

00:52:14.000 I mean, back that up.

00:52:15.000 He was a bad dude.

00:52:16.000 Am I right?

00:52:17.000 It seems like that guy's stabbing him while he's there, right?

00:52:19.000 Yeah, that looks like a Game of Thrones killing. 0.99

00:52:22.000 I remember it was on Tosh.0 at one point, because they made a whole bit about Gaddafi-ing people, and there's a guy shoving a knife up his ass or something like that. 0.98

00:52:28.000 Yes, that's the video. 0.89

00:52:29.000 So it doesn't really look like the guy's stabbing him in that picture.

00:52:32.000 Now that I looked at it again, it looks like he's slamming his fist down on him.

00:52:37.000 Wow.

00:52:38.000 It's really grainy cell phone footage.

00:52:41.000 Yeah.

00:52:44.000 This is the one where they finally capture him, and they're holding up their cameras, and this is all, like, captured live. 0.99

00:52:52.000 I mean, they have him when they have him, and he's freaking the fuck out, and they're pulling his hair and beating the shit out of him, and kicking him, and then when he gets up, someone sticks a sword, like one of those waist swords, little short swords, like, right up his ass. 0.99

00:53:06.000 I guess it's a knife. 0.99

00:53:07.000 Big knife.

00:53:09.000 Is that what it was?

00:53:10.000 I don't remember.

00:53:11.000 I remember thinking, is that a stick or is that a knife?

00:53:14.000 And then someone said it's a knife.

00:53:16.000 It's amazing you got these guys, guys like Mugabe or Gaddafi, and they do so much cruelty and they come off as so tough. 1.00

00:53:22.000 And then you see them like this and they whimper and whine and beg like little bitches. 1.00

00:53:27.000 Yeah, this is really embarrassing if you think about that, right? 0.99

00:53:30.000 Like, look at this guy.

00:53:31.000 And this guy was a huge dictator that ran his country for a long time and killed a lot of people.

00:53:39.000 Yeah.

00:53:39.000 And that this is how it ends for him is actually kind of fitting, right?

00:53:45.000 It's great.

00:53:46.000 I mean, it happened with Saddam Hussein, you know?

00:53:50.000 What is it?

00:53:51.000 Hiding in a little cave.

00:53:52.000 It's fitting, right? 1.00

00:53:53.000 But isn't it fucked up? 0.99

00:53:55.000 It's fucked up that we like, that this appeals to us. 0.99

00:53:58.000 Like, if they captured him the way they captured Noriega, or the way they captured anybody else, and they brought him to trial in America and then put him in prison, would you feel any better? 0.99

00:54:10.000 Than him being beaten to death?

00:54:12.000 Do you feel better watching this?

00:54:13.000 Absolutely. 0.97

00:54:14.000 Like, were they just fucking him up? 0.97

00:54:15.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:54:16.000 Really?

00:54:17.000 Yeah, I do.

00:54:18.000 And I don't believe in the death penalty, but in terms of how do I feel, like, consciously I don't believe in the death penalty because I think it's flawed.

00:54:26.000 I think the system that would execute somebody isn't perfect.

00:54:29.000 Yeah, I agree.

00:54:30.000 But in a case like this where you know, I think that if he's being killed by the people that he's been subjugating, there's something very poetic about that.

00:54:38.000 I think there's a real problem with cases.

00:54:41.000 You know whether it's a murder case or whether it's any any kind of a case even like armed robbery a lot of there's There's a real problem when people are competing against each other, is what I'm trying to get to.

00:54:54.000 When you have a defense team that's competing against a prosecution team, and they're trying to win.

00:54:59.000 You see it all the time in business, where things are inflated, and these crazy arguments get made.

00:55:05.000 What are they trying to do?

00:55:06.000 They're trying to build up their side.

00:55:07.000 They're not trying to be as objective as possible.

00:55:10.000 They're not trying to go into it and say, Well, you know, as cops, we probably could have done a little bit better.

00:55:15.000 We probably could have been friendly as we walked up to them, and maybe they wouldn't have gotten defensive, and maybe we could have shaken hands and gone about our day and our lives, and our paths would have gone a different way.

00:55:24.000 But hey, hindsight's 20-20.

00:55:26.000 Learning experience.

00:55:27.000 Exactly.

00:55:27.000 Learning experience.

00:55:30.000 You don't ever hear that.

00:55:32.000 It's always like one hard line.

00:55:34.000 I approached the suspect.

00:55:35.000 He was moving in a very dangerous manner.

00:55:37.000 I saw the suspect reaching his pants.

00:55:39.000 I told him not to.

00:55:40.000 He did it again.

00:55:42.000 At this point, I took the safety off my weapon.

00:55:45.000 I discharged 32 times.

00:55:47.000 And you watch the video and that's not what happened at all.

00:55:49.000 Someone had a cell phone on it.

00:55:51.000 That's not what happened.

00:55:52.000 Right.

00:55:52.000 That's not what happened.

00:55:53.000 That's true.

00:55:54.000 It's a weird system.

00:55:55.000 It's completely...

00:55:56.000 It's just conflict.

00:55:58.000 Yeah.

00:55:58.000 You know, the prosecutor, your job, guys are proud of the fact that, like, I don't know if you saw that Making of a Murderer documentary.

00:56:06.000 I saw some of it, and then I'm like, I can't get too involved in this.

00:56:10.000 I watched, like, two episodes. 0.83

00:56:11.000 I was like, this is just too, I don't want to get involved in these people's ridiculous lives.

00:56:15.000 But he was proud of how many convictions he'd had. 0.57

00:56:18.000 Of course.

00:56:19.000 Like, he was, like, undefeated or something in the county.

00:56:22.000 So that's not rotten.

00:56:24.000 I don't smell anything rotten there.

00:56:26.000 And the guys in Texas that put people to the death penalty, and that's like, they're at a bar that night having a champagne celebrating that he won his case.

00:56:34.000 And he sent the guy to the gas chamber.

00:56:37.000 It's a weird day.

00:56:38.000 We put down.

00:56:40.000 We put down today.

00:56:41.000 That's what they're called.

00:56:42.000 We put down.

00:56:43.000 We put down one of the bad guys.

00:56:45.000 We put down today.

00:56:46.000 Everybody knuckles up.

00:56:47.000 Knuckles.

00:56:48.000 Knuckles all around.

00:56:49.000 We put down today, boy.

00:56:50.000 We got a good one.

00:56:51.000 Good win for the good guys.

00:56:53.000 Clink.

00:56:54.000 Budweiser gets sloshed.

00:56:56.000 Show up for work.

00:56:57.000 Foggy-eyed.

00:56:57.000 Do it again.

00:56:58.000 Put a notch in their Oxford loafers. 1.00

00:57:00.000 Well, I mean, they are dealing with a lot of scumbags and pieces of shit in a lot of ways. 1.00

00:57:05.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:57:06.000 No, but going back to your point...

00:57:08.000 Their goal is not to discern the truth and illuminate what could be done better. 1.00

00:57:13.000 It's just to kill this guy.

00:57:15.000 Yeah, cops don't plant evidence and try to frame people because they're infallible and awesome and that's just the right thing to do. 0.99

00:57:23.000 No, they're doing what a dirty accountant does. 0.95

00:57:26.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:57:27.000 You know, they're doing what a joke thief does.

00:57:29.000 They're doing what a guy who steals, in a lot of ways.

00:57:32.000 No, I love that you threw that in.

00:57:34.000 You know what I mean?

00:57:38.000 What are they?

00:57:39.000 Rhythms?

00:57:40.000 Beats? 1.00

00:57:40.000 When they sue people for that shit? 1.00

00:57:41.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:57:44.000 I don't know how I connected all those together.

00:57:45.000 I really had a point until you started laughing.

00:57:49.000 I just love that joke thieves kept running. 0.80

00:57:51.000 I was going to say, people suck at some things, you know? 0.93

00:57:54.000 And they suck at, you know, the gigantic responsibility that comes with being a police officer. 0.98

00:58:01.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:58:01.000 They're not really qualified for that. 0.99

00:58:03.000 It's a politician.

00:58:05.000 Each one is a politician.

00:58:06.000 They're supposed to be on the ground, interacting with people, making connections, getting people to trust them, getting people to, like, follow their lead.

00:58:15.000 You know, like, I read about this one LAPD guy, and he started a...

00:58:18.000 A football team.

00:58:20.000 And it was a police football team.

00:58:22.000 And nobody would join because the community was so opposed to the cops that literally they were like, we got uniforms, we got helmets, we got fields, we got coaches.

00:58:32.000 We want to have a team.

00:58:33.000 You guys can play against other city teams.

00:58:35.000 Nobody.

00:58:36.000 And then this one guy started, he was a former player, cop now, and he reached out and slowly got one kid, two kids, finally got up to 11 kids, started training them, got to know the parents.

00:58:48.000 The other cops were helping out training, got to know the parents, and it opened up this whole community.

00:58:55.000 It changed the kids in South Central somewhere, and the whole neighborhood has great relations with the cops now.

00:59:00.000 Wow.

00:59:01.000 Yeah.

00:59:02.000 Yeah, it could be done, right?

00:59:03.000 It can be done.

00:59:05.000 There's just got to be a way, if you look at the overall picture, there's got to be a way to do it better than they're doing it right now.

00:59:12.000 Across the board.

00:59:13.000 Everything with managing communities.

00:59:16.000 It just seems like there's so much room for improvement.

00:59:20.000 Yeah.

00:59:21.000 Well, Obama just released 111 prisoners, and I think that the message that he's sending is like, we've got to get over this police state mentality.

00:59:30.000 I hope that's the message he's sending.

00:59:32.000 He released one guy that I had retweeted a petition to release him like a year ago.

00:59:37.000 Oh, yeah?

00:59:37.000 Yeah, he was in jail for life for selling LSD. Oh, at a Grateful Dead concert.

00:59:45.000 Yeah, I read that.

00:59:46.000 Yeah, and Obama exonerated him.

00:59:48.000 He never should have gone to jail in the first place.

00:59:49.000 Well, it was his third strike.

00:59:51.000 That's why I went.

00:59:52.000 But they gotta get rid of that third strike thing.

00:59:54.000 Yes.

00:59:54.000 And also, when you do as much acid as that guy does, do you think he remembers those first two strikes?

00:59:58.000 I need a miracle!

01:00:01.000 Dude!

01:00:02.000 I'm holding!

01:00:04.000 Yeah, that three strikes thing is crazy.

01:00:07.000 It's so crazy.

01:00:08.000 I'm not for... 0.99

01:00:10.000 You know, encouraging people to continue fucking up. 0.96

01:00:14.000 But to think that the only way, like, if someone does three petty crimes, I mean, how many, how bad does a crime have to be? 0.98

01:00:21.000 Does it have to be a violent crime?

01:00:23.000 I'm not sure.

01:00:24.000 I'm not sure.

01:00:25.000 That doesn't make sense with the Grateful Dead thing, unless somehow or another they think of selling drugs, they find some sneaky way to categorize that as violence.

01:00:33.000 Yeah, maybe if it's a, what do they call it, level one drug, or acid's probably like the highest level drug, so maybe that's a felony, whereas pot would be a misdemeanor.

01:00:42.000 Hmm.

01:00:42.000 Yeah, right?

01:00:43.000 I would wonder.

01:00:45.000 It doesn't sound like the other charges were violent.

01:00:48.000 I think all three were drug-related.

01:00:50.000 But isn't the thing about acid that you can get a whole lot of it in a very small pot?

01:00:56.000 Like package.

01:00:57.000 Sure.

01:00:58.000 Like you can get a whole lot of hits and you can carry it on you.

01:01:01.000 It's like books of stamps.

01:01:03.000 Yeah. 0.97

01:01:03.000 And that's a lot of people are getting fucked up off that. 0.97

01:01:07.000 Yeah. 0.78

01:01:08.000 So I think that's problematic to people.

01:01:11.000 I think they get super nervous about that.

01:01:13.000 McKenna had some speech that he did about that once.

01:01:15.000 About how someone in a regular apartment with a bathtub can make enough acid to get a million people blasted. 1.00

01:01:25.000 No shit. 1.00

01:01:26.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:01:26.000 Wow. 1.00

01:01:27.000 Think of the quality control there.

01:01:30.000 One guy's getting triple the amount of another guy.

01:01:33.000 This is another great analogy that someone said.

01:01:35.000 I wish I remember who.

01:01:36.000 But they said that acid, like in the molecule form, the molecular form, it's so potent.

01:01:43.000 It is literally like watching an ant dissolve the Empire State Building.

01:01:50.000 Like something as small as an ant, like build or dissolve or take...

01:01:54.000 Like you're talking about...

01:01:56.000 I should probably know if it's build or dissolve, right?

01:01:58.000 I think it might be build.

01:01:59.000 But the idea being that there's so much power in such a small molecule, in such a small amount.

01:02:06.000 That's amazing.

01:02:06.000 You need the tiniest dose, like a blip, blip.

01:02:08.000 Yeah.

01:02:08.000 And you're...

01:02:09.000 Fucking crazy. 1.00

01:02:13.000 I talked to a dude who did 25 hits of acid in one setting. 1.00

01:02:16.000 No shit. 1.00

01:02:17.000 Did you fuck him up? 1.00

01:02:18.000 I don't know. 0.99

01:02:19.000 I don't know what he was like before then.

01:02:20.000 Yeah.

01:02:20.000 Seemed okay.

01:02:21.000 I knew a couple guys that changed.

01:02:24.000 Changed.

01:02:25.000 Yeah, I'm sure.

01:02:26.000 Just lost their edge, man.

01:02:27.000 You know, just had that kind of slightly vacant stare all the time.

01:02:30.000 That's why I never took acid.

01:02:31.000 I've taken everything, but I've never taken acid.

01:02:33.000 It definitely seems like it has the potential to do that.

01:02:36.000 And I think some people just go super deep, man.

01:02:39.000 Right.

01:02:41.000 What is this?

01:02:42.000 Stick.

01:02:43.000 Okay, here it is.

01:02:46.000 Following analogy, on a molecular level, the power of LSD is equivalent to a fire ant that can completely tear down the Empire State Building in under 30 minutes.

01:02:55.000 Yeah, so that's what it was.

01:02:56.000 I was right the first time.

01:02:58.000 Jesus.

01:02:59.000 How crazy is that?

01:03:00.000 A fire ant that could take down the Empire State Building in 30 minutes.

01:03:06.000 What is it?

01:03:07.000 How did they make it?

01:03:08.000 It's a really good question, and I don't know the answer to that.

01:03:11.000 I know who figured it out.

01:03:13.000 You know the story of Albert Hoffman, the guy who was creating?

01:03:16.000 I think he was trying to come up with a women's fertility drug.

01:03:19.000 I believe that was the original thing.

01:03:21.000 Is that right?

01:03:21.000 I think so, if I remember correctly.

01:03:23.000 I think that's where it came from.

01:03:25.000 But then they used it for all different kinds successfully.

01:03:28.000 He got it on his hands.

01:03:30.000 Like, dude, he was the guinea pig.

01:03:32.000 He got it on his hands in the lab. 0.99

01:03:34.000 He didn't know what the fuck he was touching. 0.99

01:03:35.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:03:36.000 And it got into his skin through his hands.

01:03:38.000 I'm pretty sure that's the story.

01:03:39.000 Yeah.

01:03:39.000 And he went riding home on his bike, tripping his balls off, thinking about the world in a whole new way, looking at life in a whole different way, and going, wow.

01:03:52.000 Yeah.

01:03:53.000 And that's where acid was born.

01:03:54.000 And then he went back to it and he did a bunch of different experiments with it.

01:03:58.000 Oh yeah, I mean UCLA, Columbia University.

01:04:01.000 Some that didn't go so good.

01:04:02.000 Berkeley.

01:04:03.000 Well, yeah, but I think some of those were staged by the government.

01:04:07.000 Do you know who was involved in one of the Harvard acid studies?

01:04:12.000 Harvard?

01:04:12.000 Yeah.

01:04:14.000 Timothy Leary?

01:04:15.000 Ted Kaczynski. 1.00

01:04:16.000 No shit. 1.00

01:04:17.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:04:18.000 Wow.

01:04:19.000 Ted Kaczynski was a part of one of those acid studies. 0.92

01:04:22.000 They blew that guy's brains out.

01:04:25.000 And then he went to Berkeley and worked as a professor for a short period of time just to get enough money to implement his manifesto, to move into that cabin in the woods and start killing people who are creating technology. 1.00

01:04:37.000 No shit. 1.00

01:04:37.000 Yeah, he lost his fucking mind. 1.00

01:04:39.000 Wow. 1.00

01:04:40.000 He really did believe- I mean, he might have been crazy before then.

01:04:42.000 Who knows? 0.99

01:04:43.000 But you know the story about the Unabomber that his brother recognized the manifesto as his own brother's kind of fucking crazy writing. 0.91

01:04:49.000 Oh, that's how he got caught? 0.94

01:04:50.000 Yeah.

01:04:51.000 Wow.

01:04:51.000 His brother recognized the patterns and he recognized that the person writing it had to be very smart and also very crazy.

01:04:58.000 What a moment to think I've got to turn my brother in.

01:05:01.000 He was probably terrified.

01:05:03.000 He had this brother that was capable of killing people.

01:05:05.000 I wonder if he knew it before then.

01:05:07.000 I bet he did.

01:05:09.000 When your brother just moves to the woods in a shack, he starts writing things with no spaces.

01:05:16.000 Cursive.

01:05:16.000 Yeah, just book after book.

01:05:17.000 I need another notebook.

01:05:18.000 Oh, Jesus Christ.

01:05:20.000 What are you writing?

01:05:20.000 I'm writing everything.

01:05:22.000 I'm writing everything.

01:05:23.000 I'm documenting it all.

01:05:24.000 Everything that's wrong.

01:05:26.000 How to make it right.

01:05:28.000 You think acid has done more good or more bad overall?

01:05:31.000 Probably more good, but there's always going to be room.

01:05:34.000 Like booze.

01:05:35.000 We were talking about booze.

01:05:37.000 Some people can enjoy a fun glass of wine and not have another drink for a month and everyone's fine.

01:05:43.000 Some people, it's one shot and they're off to the races.

01:05:47.000 One shot goes down the hole.

01:05:48.000 The lids come down over the eye.

01:05:52.000 Clank.

01:05:54.000 Those drunk lids?

01:05:55.000 You know when you're like, where's Greg?

01:05:56.000 Greg in there?

01:05:57.000 I've never seen you drunk.

01:05:58.000 Because when I met you, it was right when you were quitting.

01:06:01.000 Yeah.

01:06:01.000 My mom tried to get me drunk in Italy.

01:06:04.000 She pulled out some limoncella, you know that lemon liqueur in Italy? 0.99

01:06:08.000 And she fucking pours a shot for all of us, including my 13-year-old daughter. 1.00

01:06:13.000 And my mom is crazy. 1.00

01:06:16.000 You know, meanwhile, I told you about my father. 0.94

01:06:18.000 You think she'd have some awareness?

01:06:20.000 Yeah.

01:06:20.000 She can't stand the fact that I quit drinking.

01:06:23.000 Weren't you just telling me a story about your mom and gambling?

01:06:26.000 She's a gambler. 0.99

01:06:28.000 Are you telling me a crazy casino story?

01:06:30.000 Well, she goes, she plays poker two different nights a week with all guys.

01:06:34.000 And she does good.

01:06:36.000 And so her and her sister go, and they go to these slot machines in Yonkers.

01:06:41.000 And they go down there, and my aunt goes, she's got more of a problem than my mother. 1.00

01:06:47.000 And she wins a flat-screen TV. But her husband doesn't know that she gambles.

01:06:52.000 She's forbidden to gamble, because she's got this problem. 0.98

01:06:55.000 So he's home one day, and a guy knocks at the door, and he's like, we got the delivery?

01:07:00.000 He's like, what is it?

01:07:01.000 He goes...

01:07:02.000 62-inch TV. Where do you want it?

01:07:04.000 He's like, we didn't order a TV. No, no, you won it.

01:07:07.000 What do you mean we won it?

01:07:08.000 At the Yonkers Raceway Casino, you won this.

01:07:11.000 So she had to come home and explain to her husband why there was a flat-screen TV. She won it on the slots. 0.96

01:07:16.000 It was like the grand prize.

01:07:18.000 Oh, that's hilarious.

01:07:21.000 And then she got run down one time by a guy who had just won, broke her hip in the aisle of the slots.

01:07:28.000 Whoa.

01:07:30.000 Wrong place at the wrong time.

01:07:32.000 Guy won, got excited.

01:07:33.000 And just ran her over?

01:07:35.000 Just ran down the...

01:07:36.000 Oh my god.

01:07:37.000 Yelling and screaming, yeah.

01:07:38.000 And just smashed her to the ground?

01:07:41.000 Smashed her to the ground.

01:07:41.000 She was in a wheelchair.

01:07:43.000 You know, it's all because of gambling. 1.00

01:07:46.000 God damn. 1.00

01:07:47.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:07:48.000 How'd that get resolved?

01:07:50.000 Oh, God, I don't know.

01:07:51.000 I wonder if there was a lawsuit.

01:07:53.000 Well, it's like, for him, it's like, I win all this money, and then it's gone.

01:07:57.000 You're right.

01:07:58.000 Like, right there, in one movement.

01:08:00.000 She's going to sue him for sure. 0.94

01:08:02.000 She said, just give me the bag, let's walk away. 1.00

01:08:04.000 Do you think she sued him?

01:08:05.000 I don't know.

01:08:06.000 I mean, it doesn't seem like her nature to sue, but at the same time, the insurance company might make her.

01:08:11.000 Because once you get medical bills, your insurance company immediately goes, well, we're not paying these, you've got to sue the other person.

01:08:17.000 Right, right, right.

01:08:19.000 Yeah.

01:08:21.000 Man.

01:08:21.000 Yeah, if your dog bites somebody, you're going to get sued by their insurance company.

01:08:27.000 Wow.

01:08:30.000 Yeah, it totally makes sense.

01:08:31.000 But a guy running over you like that...

01:08:35.000 That's so awful, man. 1.00

01:08:37.000 You're an older woman and some big fucking stupid dude runs you over. 1.00

01:08:41.000 Right. 1.00

01:08:42.000 Oh, fuck, man. 1.00

01:08:44.000 And it's one thing if you're like, you know, maybe you were helping out down at the homeless shelter. 1.00

01:08:50.000 Somebody ran you over.

01:08:51.000 But you're gambling. 1.00

01:08:52.000 You're just working the fucking one-armed bandit. 1.00

01:08:56.000 Yeah, what the fuck, man? 1.00

01:08:59.000 Yeah, I don't gamble anymore. 1.00

01:09:00.000 It's just so predictable.

01:09:03.000 Yes.

01:09:04.000 Yes.

01:09:05.000 If you look an hour down the line, it's predictable.

01:09:10.000 But if you look 10 minutes down the line, it's exciting.

01:09:12.000 Well, it's a little drug dispensary.

01:09:15.000 Yeah.

01:09:15.000 You know, you're getting your highs and your lows.

01:09:18.000 You're getting your anticipation.

01:09:20.000 You're getting your reward.

01:09:22.000 Mm-hmm.

01:09:22.000 You know, you're going to get your defeat.

01:09:24.000 You're going to, God damn it, you're going to be frustrated. 0.98

01:09:25.000 You want a lot of smoke. 0.99

01:09:27.000 Oh, the lady's coming over with the booze. 1.00

01:09:29.000 Yeah, double.

01:09:29.000 Yeah, right.

01:09:30.000 Give me a double, please.

01:09:31.000 Thank you.

01:09:32.000 It's like you're getting one stroke of your dick every, like, three minutes. 1.00

01:09:36.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:09:36.000 Not a full handjob. 1.00

01:09:37.000 Just a soft stroke. 0.98

01:09:40.000 Down, pulling the foreskin over the crown just a little bit as she releases. 0.99

01:09:43.000 And then she walks away for three minutes and comes back. 0.91

01:09:46.000 And then you've got this weird relationship with this dealer dude.

01:09:51.000 Well, this guy's either giving you money or taking money away from you, and he's like, hey, it's just my job.

01:09:55.000 Right, right.

01:09:56.000 Just my job.

01:09:57.000 Yeah.

01:09:57.000 He touches money all day, and they barely pay him.

01:10:00.000 The guy's making $15 an hour when he's dealing with thousands of dollars.

01:10:05.000 How much do they make?

01:10:07.000 I think it's a union gig.

01:10:08.000 They get tips, right?

01:10:10.000 That's a big part.

01:10:11.000 I don't know if they pool tips.

01:10:12.000 I think they probably pool their tips.

01:10:14.000 They pool them.

01:10:15.000 All the people together?

01:10:17.000 That doesn't make sense.

01:10:18.000 That would seem like...

01:10:19.000 Does that make sense?

01:10:20.000 Is that how they do it?

01:10:22.000 If you're one of the eight people working in an hour or whatever during your shift, however they do it, and you're at the hot table and your table makes 25,000 in tips...

01:10:30.000 Just because you circumstantially were there, just because of the schedule, the routine, just the shift cycle, now you made a year's money and everybody else you're working with got zero.

01:10:39.000 They're all going to be pissed at you.

01:10:41.000 How long have you been a communist?

01:10:42.000 I have a friend that did it.

01:10:44.000 I have a friend that did it in Columbus, so I know that's how it works.

01:10:46.000 So they shouldn't try?

01:10:49.000 They shouldn't be charming?

01:10:50.000 No, it totally makes sense.

01:10:52.000 Some of them just, you know, they're so over it.

01:10:55.000 And you can tell it's like a typical union job.

01:10:57.000 And I love unions. 1.00

01:10:58.000 I'm all about fixing the fucking unions. 1.00

01:11:00.000 I know they're a problem. 1.00

01:11:01.000 I know they don't work.

01:11:02.000 But, like, you see that?

01:11:03.000 It's like a flight attendant or a dealer.

01:11:05.000 When they're over it, it's like you gotta just put them out to pasture.

01:11:09.000 You can't keep them working in your business when they don't smile, they don't interact, their energy is negative. 1.00

01:11:15.000 Get them the fuck out. 1.00

01:11:16.000 It's bad for business. 1.00

01:11:17.000 Yeah, it's bad for business.

01:11:20.000 Yeah.

01:11:22.000 It's, man, what can you do, though?

01:11:24.000 Well, it's seniority.

01:11:24.000 That's the problem.

01:11:25.000 You're getting the oldest, most tired people working.

01:11:31.000 That's why I like a new airline.

01:11:33.000 You know, you go to Virgin.

01:11:35.000 Virgin's great.

01:11:35.000 Yeah, they got hot, young, beautiful flight attendants.

01:11:39.000 After a while, people just don't want to work anymore, man.

01:11:41.000 I think people work too much, and I think they work too long.

01:11:45.000 You know?

01:11:45.000 I think that's part of the problem.

01:11:47.000 When did you become a communist?

01:11:49.000 Today.

01:11:50.000 Right after Jamie made sense.

01:11:52.000 Jamie made sense with the tips.

01:11:53.000 I'm like, he's right.

01:11:55.000 I don't stick to my ideas, folks.

01:11:58.000 Call it flip-flopping. 1.00

01:11:59.000 I'm not married to these motherfuckers. 1.00

01:12:01.000 Well, that's why this is, you know, this is an open dialogue. 1.00

01:12:04.000 We're here to change and grow.

01:12:06.000 Yes.

01:12:07.000 Trying to change and grow.

01:12:09.000 Trying to learn some information?

01:12:10.000 I talked about this yesterday, but Neil deGrasse Tyson had this great Twitter quote that said, there should be an option in this presidential election for, and all presidential elections, I think he said, for none of the above.

01:12:22.000 And then if none of the above wins, we have to start all over again with new people.

01:12:25.000 I like it.

01:12:26.000 That would definitely be the case this time.

01:12:29.000 That's actually a really good idea.

01:12:31.000 Yeah.

01:12:31.000 It's a really good idea.

01:12:32.000 Yeah.

01:12:33.000 None of the above requires a congressional re-examination of the election process.

01:12:39.000 Yeah.

01:12:40.000 And the potential candidates and what makes them qualified.

01:12:43.000 Yep.

01:12:43.000 We do it live on television.

01:12:44.000 There's long discussions for days and days and days, like on C-SPAN. Remember those?

01:12:49.000 You ever watch C-SPAN? Just watch people argue about shit? 1.00

01:12:52.000 No. 1.00

01:12:52.000 You ever watch that? 1.00

01:12:53.000 It's interesting.

01:12:54.000 Yeah?

01:12:54.000 Yeah, it's interesting to see how the courts work and everything's so formal.

01:12:57.000 And I guess you have to have these really clear rules when you're all talking.

01:13:00.000 The gentleman has five minutes to address...

01:13:03.000 Whenever you have anything formal.

01:13:05.000 Well, the Senate has rules because when it was first created, it was the Southerners and they were genteel.

01:13:11.000 So to this day, when I'm talking to another member, you never say you.

01:13:16.000 You're not allowed to say you to somebody.

01:13:17.000 You say the senior senator from Wisconsin said...

01:13:25.000 And they say, if you want to insult somebody, you're not allowed to. 0.98

01:13:28.000 But you can say, my most learned, esteemed colleague from Massachusetts, which is a way of shitting on the guy. 0.99

01:13:36.000 Really? 0.99

01:13:37.000 Yeah.

01:13:37.000 Oh, that's funny.

01:13:38.000 But they have to talk third person about each other.

01:13:39.000 Wow.

01:13:41.000 Those are bizarre rules, huh?

01:13:42.000 Yeah.

01:13:43.000 Do you know what's really kind of sad but fascinating at the same time?

01:13:47.000 Do you know who was really good at those speeches?

01:13:50.000 Tom Herrera?

01:13:51.000 Anthony Weiner.

01:13:52.000 Oh, the best.

01:13:54.000 He was great.

01:13:54.000 He was a great politician.

01:13:56.000 I like his policies. 0.65

01:13:57.000 He's just too much of a freak.

01:13:59.000 Well, he's a good looking guy. 1.00

01:14:00.000 You gotta put that shit out there. 1.00

01:14:01.000 Think he's good looking? 1.00

01:14:02.000 No.

01:14:03.000 No, not really.

01:14:04.000 No.

01:14:04.000 Which makes respect to me more for some reason.

01:14:08.000 He's a fascinating character. 0.94

01:14:10.000 Because I almost think to be that kind of firebrand, you almost got to be horny. 0.97

01:14:16.000 Right! 0.98

01:14:17.000 You know?

01:14:17.000 Yeah!

01:14:18.000 He's like a rally of the troops.

01:14:19.000 He would get super passionate and give really good speeches.

01:14:25.000 Yep. 1.00

01:14:25.000 It's like, God damn. 1.00

01:14:26.000 And I remember people thinking, this motherfucker is a real politician. 1.00

01:14:31.000 I don't trust a politician that's not fucking somebody on the side. 1.00

01:14:34.000 Let me hear this. 0.99

01:14:35.000 We want debate, we want amendment, but we're still a no!

01:14:38.000 And then we stand up and say, oh, if only we had a different process, we'd vote yes.

01:14:41.000 You vote yes if you believe yes.

01:14:43.000 You vote in favor of something, you believe it's the right thing.

01:14:46.000 If you believe it's the wrong thing, you vote no.

01:14:49.000 We are following a procedure.

01:14:50.000 I will not yield to the gentlemen, and the gentlemen will observe regular order.

01:14:54.000 The gentlemen will observe regular order.

01:14:58.000 That's correct.

01:15:02.000 See how he won't say him or you?

01:15:10.000 It's Republicans wrapping their arms around Republicans rather than doing the right thing on behalf of the heroes.

01:15:15.000 It is a shame!

01:15:17.000 A shame!

01:15:19.000 If you believe this is a bad idea to provide health care, then vote no!

01:15:23.000 But don't give me the cowardly view that, oh, if it was a different procedure, the gentleman will observe regular order and sit down!

01:15:32.000 I will not!

01:15:33.000 Yes!

01:15:34.000 Yes! 1.00

01:15:35.000 He's a bad motherfucker, dude. 1.00

01:15:37.000 The only thing missing is fucking. 1.00

01:15:39.000 He's a bad motherfucker, dude. 1.00

01:15:41.000 The word fucking in between every phrase. 1.00

01:15:43.000 Because that's what he's saying. 1.00

01:15:44.000 He's a bad motherfucker. 1.00

01:15:46.000 You're going to sit the fuck down! 1.00

01:15:47.000 Yeah, he's just too crazy. 1.00

01:15:49.000 Yeah, I love that. 0.56

01:15:51.000 Yeah, you're right.

01:15:52.000 This is a fiery guy.

01:15:54.000 Fiery, horny, passionate. 0.55

01:15:56.000 Look at the JFK, Johnson, and Clinton.

01:16:00.000 I would argue that you never see a politician that hits that level of emotion.

01:16:06.000 That's incredibly rare. 0.74

01:16:07.000 What he's doing there is very theatrical, which is what they've always said, that politicians are just ugly actors. 0.90

01:16:15.000 Yeah. 0.64

01:16:16.000 You know, it's like show business for people who aren't that good looking.

01:16:19.000 Yeah.

01:16:19.000 I mean, it's kind of, in a way, what it is.

01:16:21.000 And they don't really have a talent, although Bill Clinton did play the saxophone.

01:16:27.000 Remember that?

01:16:27.000 Yeah.

01:16:28.000 But that was before he was president, right?

01:16:30.000 Wasn't it?

01:16:30.000 When he went on Arsenio Hall?

01:16:32.000 No.

01:16:33.000 Wasn't he running?

01:16:33.000 Well, I think he was...

01:16:34.000 Oh, he was running.

01:16:35.000 That's right, because they say it got him the black vote.

01:16:37.000 Yeah.

01:16:38.000 Listen, another one.

01:16:39.000 He's another perfect example.

01:16:42.000 Yep.

01:16:43.000 And he was an animal.

01:16:44.000 Loved it.

01:16:44.000 That's why these people are doing, that's why they want to be a leader.

01:16:48.000 It's almost like we want to deny our very nature.

01:16:50.000 Yeah.

01:16:51.000 And we almost want to pretend that people like that, like these crazy, fiery people that get everybody rallied up, that there's not other things that go with that package.

01:17:00.000 Right.

01:17:02.000 But he went, of course, way over the top.

01:17:05.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:17:06.000 Took pictures of his kid next to his dick. 1.00

01:17:08.000 Did you see that? 1.00

01:17:09.000 That was fucking weird. 0.99

01:17:10.000 Dude, he's weird. 0.99

01:17:12.000 Yeah.

01:17:12.000 He's definitely got a tick.

01:17:14.000 It's so sad for the wife because he just, you know, she forgave him.

01:17:18.000 She took him back. 1.00

01:17:19.000 He said he was going to go to his classes and do all this shit. 0.99

01:17:22.000 And then, you know, it's humiliating the first time. 1.00

01:17:25.000 It's pitiful the second time. 0.69

01:17:27.000 It's hard out there for a pimp. 1.00

01:17:28.000 Shit. 1.00

01:17:29.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:17:30.000 Yeah, I'm sure it is.

01:17:32.000 I'm sure it is humiliating.

01:17:34.000 I'm sure it is... 0.99

01:17:36.000 I mean, it's just the whole thing's crazy in the first place that he has this compulsion to just chat with girls online like that and send dick pictures and stuff. 0.99

01:17:46.000 For him, it's so fun. 0.98

01:17:48.000 It's obviously so fun.

01:17:50.000 And it's beyond insane that his last name is Wiener.

01:17:54.000 It's hilarious.

01:17:55.000 Yeah.

01:17:56.000 It's almost like we're living in a movie.

01:18:00.000 If this was in a Judd Apatow movie, you'd be like, why is that so obvious?

01:18:04.000 Come on, his name is Weiner.

01:18:06.000 What am I, 13?

01:18:08.000 You know?

01:18:12.000 His name is Dick Weiner.

01:18:13.000 Boy, he's so weird.

01:18:15.000 Yeah.

01:18:16.000 But people are weird, man. 1.00

01:18:18.000 People are fucking weird. 1.00

01:18:19.000 They're so weird. 1.00

01:18:21.000 Well, if you want to be that...

01:18:22.000 I mean, it's kind of a thing in life.

01:18:24.000 It's like, how passionate do you allow yourself to be?

01:18:26.000 Because there's a loss of control that goes with getting that passionate. 0.99

01:18:31.000 And when you go for it, that's when you end up, you know, maybe having an affair or maybe killing somebody because you're just fucking letting your id run wild. 0.97

01:18:40.000 But that's where sometimes great creativity comes from. 0.99

01:18:43.000 Which is why you get so many great artists and directors that end up, you know, Woody Allen fucking his daughter and, you know, Roman Polanski. 0.68

01:18:51.000 You know, you just think of all the truly creative people. 0.96

01:18:53.000 They do fucked up things because they're just putting themselves out there. 0.72

01:18:56.000 Well, also because a lot of what makes them want to be whatever it is in the first place, whether it's an actor or a famous person or a singer or Kelly or any of these people, to want to be out there that much. 0.92

01:19:10.000 Yeah, the ego.

01:19:11.000 Yeah.

01:19:12.000 There's got to be some madness involved in that, usually.

01:19:16.000 And a lot of it involves your childhood and how you were wired growing up or what you were missing that led you to push so hard. 0.99

01:19:25.000 Everybody that I know, you included, that's hilarious, had some crazy fucking life growing up. 0.99

01:19:31.000 Yeah. 0.98

01:19:31.000 You know, where it was like, you know, when you tell me the story about your parents chain smoking in the house while you were just locked in the winter with the windows closed and you're like a baby. 0.98

01:19:41.000 And I had asthma.

01:19:41.000 I had an inhaler.

01:19:43.000 Fucking crazy. 1.00

01:19:44.000 You had your jet smoking in the car with your kid who has an asthma inhaler in his pocket. 1.00

01:19:49.000 No, I can't.

01:19:51.000 No, I can't. 1.00

01:19:52.000 What the fuck? 1.00

01:19:52.000 I can't. 1.00

01:19:53.000 The fuck? 1.00

01:19:55.000 We used to give them for presents. 1.00

01:19:57.000 Do you remember this in art class?

01:19:59.000 You'd get shells and you'd paint the shells like little clam shells.

01:20:03.000 You ever do that?

01:20:04.000 And you paint them and you glaze them and bake them.

01:20:06.000 And then we'd give them to my parents and they'd use them as ashtrays.

01:20:09.000 Oh my god.

01:20:12.000 Oh my god.

01:20:13.000 It was like putting a cigarette out in your little heart.

01:20:20.000 Here's what I think of those three hours you spent in art class.

01:20:23.000 Oh my god.

01:20:26.000 See, that's a poll that's an undeniable one, right?

01:20:28.000 Smoking?

01:20:29.000 The cigarette one?

01:20:30.000 That seems like everybody gets that one.

01:20:33.000 Yeah.

01:20:34.000 Like the alcohol pull, it's like some people get it, some people don't.

01:20:37.000 Some people can drink a little and not drink for a while.

01:20:41.000 Cigarettes, it seems like almost everybody who gets into it gets stuck.

01:20:46.000 Yeah.

01:20:47.000 It seems like it's got a, like if you were looking at it as a jujitsu artist, it's got a very high rate of finishes.

01:20:53.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:20:54.000 Like there's certain guys that get into certain positions like, ooh, you might be fucked. 0.97

01:20:59.000 Like, there's this guy Damien Maio fights in the UFC, strangles everybody. 1.00

01:21:02.000 And he's just one of those guys when he gets on your back, you're like, ooh, you probably fucked. 1.00

01:21:07.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:21:08.000 He's got a very high rate of finishing.

01:21:10.000 And that's like if you're smoking cigarettes for three months.

01:21:12.000 Gets you in a headlock.

01:21:13.000 If you're smoking cigarettes every day for three months, come on.

01:21:16.000 Let's be honest.

01:21:17.000 No, it's chemical.

01:21:18.000 Yeah.

01:21:19.000 Yeah.

01:21:19.000 I mean, they say that it's tougher than a heroin addiction.

01:21:24.000 I can imagine.

01:21:26.000 I really could.

01:21:27.000 I really could imagine.

01:21:28.000 I've heard people argue back and forth about the heroin thing.

01:21:30.000 I had this guy, Dr. Carl Hart, on my podcast.

01:21:33.000 And it was actually being discussed recently on the message board, which is why I'm bringing it up, where they were saying that he's not correct.

01:21:39.000 Because he says he's actually experimented with a bunch of drugs himself.

01:21:43.000 He's pretty open about it.

01:21:44.000 But he's also...

01:21:45.000 A brilliant academic who writes books.

01:21:48.000 He's an addiction specialist.

01:21:50.000 And he's like, there's so much misinformation when it comes to heroin withdrawal.

01:21:54.000 He goes, it's like being sick.

01:21:56.000 It's like you have the flu.

01:21:57.000 That's literally what it's like.

01:21:59.000 He's like, that's the physical embodiment of all the symptoms.

01:22:02.000 They're very flu-like, and then they go away.

01:22:03.000 Yeah.

01:22:04.000 It's more psychological and there's so much more going on about this sort of dependency on this substance.

01:22:12.000 It's not just like a physical dependency.

01:22:14.000 There's a bunch of other factors that sort of can't be denied or ignored and they all play in together.

01:22:18.000 But then other people on my message board were saying, no, you're so wrong.

01:22:21.000 I tried to kick heroin.

01:22:23.000 It was unbelievably hard.

01:22:24.000 My body was in shock.

01:22:26.000 And then another dude who said that all he did was get on a plane and go somewhere where he knew he couldn't get heroin for a while.

01:22:33.000 Yeah.

01:22:33.000 And that's how he kicked it.

01:22:34.000 He said, fuck it, I'm just not going to do this anymore. 0.99

01:22:36.000 And he said it was only like a few days of feeling like a flu. 0.99

01:22:39.000 I don't know who the fuck is right, and I also don't know, again, if it's the same for everybody. 0.97

01:22:43.000 It's like the alcohol thing. 0.99

01:22:44.000 It's like all these different things.

01:22:45.000 Totally.

01:22:46.000 Some people have addictive behaviors, personalities, but...

01:22:50.000 I think the problem is, is just because you kicked the drug, you're now back to square one.

01:22:56.000 And square one was, I need drugs.

01:22:59.000 You may not be addicted, but you still didn't do the work necessary to rebuild your foundation and to not have dependency issues.

01:23:06.000 So now you're at a weakened state because you've just had the flu, and you need to start going to meetings, being disciplined, you know, whatever it takes to, if it's talk therapy or exercise, whatever it is that makes you write, You need to transition into that immediately.

01:23:22.000 Yeah.

01:23:22.000 And most people don't.

01:23:23.000 Yeah.

01:23:25.000 Did you ever smoke?

01:23:27.000 I smoked a cigarette or two with my sister when I was like 15 and she was 14. Like we moved into this new neighborhood and hung out with the local toughs. 1.00

01:23:38.000 Hey, Joey!

01:23:39.000 And we went to the bridge.

01:23:41.000 We went down to the bridge.

01:23:42.000 There's this place near my house called Echo Bridge.

01:23:45.000 It was actually right across the street from my house when I was growing up.

01:23:48.000 And you could get under the bridge and you could yell and it echoes in this crazy way.

01:23:53.000 It's in Newton, Upper Falls, Massachusetts.

01:23:56.000 And we'd go down there and sing Billy Squire songs.

01:24:00.000 Lonely is the night when you find yourself alone.

01:24:04.000 And it was all, you know, people feeling each other up and drinking beers.

01:24:08.000 They snuck out of their dad's kitchen.

01:24:10.000 Probably the best times of your life.

01:24:11.000 Very strange times, man.

01:24:13.000 Very strange times.

01:24:14.000 It doesn't get much better than that, sadly.

01:24:17.000 Well, it was all very interesting.

01:24:20.000 And then there was a kid who was a little bit older than us that we knew that we were hanging out.

01:24:24.000 That's it.

01:24:25.000 It's right by the Charles River.

01:24:26.000 That's where I grew up.

01:24:27.000 You're doing a good job today.

01:24:28.000 Jamie's on the ball, son.

01:24:31.000 But there's a kid who was in my neighborhood who killed somebody drunk driving, killed his best friend while we were all in high school together.

01:24:37.000 Leaving Echo Bridge?

01:24:39.000 No, no, no.

01:24:39.000 But it was that kind of thing.

01:24:41.000 You know, it was like everybody was partying.

01:24:42.000 People were going, like, that's all anybody wanted to do.

01:24:46.000 It's like everybody's going to parties.

01:24:47.000 You know, Mikey's having a party this weekend.

01:24:49.000 You're going, Donnie's got a party.

01:24:50.000 We're going to go, hey, we've got to find a place to party.

01:24:51.000 And there was, this is like the state caveman days.

01:24:54.000 Yeah.

01:24:55.000 You know, we're talking about like the 1980s.

01:24:56.000 People were cavemen.

01:24:57.000 No one had phones. 0.99

01:24:59.000 There was no, there was, most people didn't even have a fucking answering machine. 0.99

01:25:02.000 Yeah. 0.98

01:25:02.000 You know, basic cable. 0.98

01:25:04.000 You had like three channels.

01:25:05.000 Yep.

01:25:06.000 So people would just wind up getting drunk.

01:25:09.000 And there are kids, and a lot of them drove home drunk.

01:25:12.000 And I tried really hard not to, but I'm sure I probably did it at least two or three times.

01:25:18.000 When I was a teenager, I drove to the point where I definitely shouldn't have been driving.

01:25:22.000 Oh, I... Drunk drove fucking three nights a week, like severely drunk. 0.98

01:25:26.000 It was crazy. 0.99

01:25:27.000 Yeah, luckily I wasn't drinking that much because it was like right when I had just started to transition into getting into martial arts.

01:25:34.000 And from then on, I pretty much stopped partying totally.

01:25:37.000 But it coincided with this dude around the same time.

01:25:41.000 I'm not sure like numbers wise I might be off by a year or two but it was around that area where I was realizing that there was a lot of us they're like doing a really irresponsible dangerous shit like driving drunk and and being drunk all the time going to these parties and having fun and I'm like this is like someone's gonna drown someone's gonna fall off a roof some shit's gonna go down yeah and then this dude I guess he hit a tree or something like that and killed his best friend Did he survive?

01:26:10.000 Yeah, he survived.

01:26:13.000 What a thing to live with. 1.00

01:26:15.000 And we were all like, oh shit. 1.00

01:26:17.000 And the cops actually broke it to him that way. 1.00

01:26:19.000 You killed your best friend.

01:26:20.000 That's what they said when he was coming out of the unconsciousness in the hospital.

01:26:24.000 That's how they explained it to him. 0.54

01:26:26.000 You killed your best friend.

01:26:27.000 Like, what?

01:26:28.000 Jesus.

01:26:28.000 Just probably blitzed.

01:26:30.000 You know, and also probably, if I had to guess, I think he was a little older than me.

01:26:34.000 I might have been like 17 at the time, so he was 18. 18, it's done.

01:26:39.000 Yeah.

01:26:39.000 It's over, kid.

01:26:40.000 All right.

01:26:41.000 Maybe I have it wrong, 16, 17. But it was somewhere in that range of he's a young guy who's just starting to drive, and now all of a sudden his friend's dead, and he's got that mark on him for the rest of his life.

01:26:53.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:26:53.000 And I remember thinking, alright, fuck drinking. 1.00

01:26:56.000 Fuck all this. 1.00

01:26:57.000 Fuck pot. 1.00

01:26:59.000 I didn't want to have nothing to do with anything, anything that was going to ruin my life. 1.00

01:27:03.000 I'm like, you can really ruin your life and other people's lives and the loved ones of those other people.

01:27:09.000 Yeah.

01:27:11.000 A lot of narrow escapes.

01:27:12.000 You know, I think about those situations.

01:27:14.000 It's true.

01:27:15.000 There's a ripple effect.

01:27:16.000 Yeah.

01:27:16.000 You can change whole communities with one action.

01:27:19.000 Yep.

01:27:20.000 I had a buddy growing up, and he was a bad alcoholic.

01:27:23.000 I used to take him to AA meetings, and people tried to do interventions, and he was just really, really chemically bad.

01:27:29.000 He was a Jekyll and Hyde personality.

01:27:31.000 You know, when he was sober, he was the greatest guy in the world, loved hanging out with him, and he'd get drunk and he'd try to fight me.

01:27:37.000 It's crazy.

01:27:38.000 And so one night he was driving.

01:27:40.000 He had his girlfriend in the car.

01:27:42.000 And they got into a fight.

01:27:44.000 And so he left her.

01:27:45.000 She got out of the car.

01:27:47.000 And then he got on the highway.

01:27:48.000 But then he stopped to go back and get her.

01:27:50.000 So he got back on the highway going the opposite direction.

01:27:53.000 And hit a car head on.

01:27:55.000 And killed the two people and died.

01:27:59.000 And it was like the town still, it's like his family is so intertwined in my town that it was like a, they're almost like a political party.

01:28:10.000 They're so, you know, part of it.

01:28:13.000 Well, you think about Ted Kennedy.

01:28:15.000 I don't know why today's Ted Kennedy Day.

01:28:17.000 I keep bringing him up.

01:28:18.000 But that Chappaquiddick thing, the Chappaquiddick Bridge where he was drunk and his car went into the water and his girlfriend drowned.

01:28:25.000 Yeah.

01:28:26.000 And he didn't report it until like hours later.

01:28:28.000 Next morning, yeah.

01:28:30.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:28:31.000 But with him, I got the sense that he'd been driving drunk every fucking night. 0.99

01:28:36.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:28:37.000 Oh yeah.

01:28:38.000 Kopinski.

01:28:39.000 You don't get that face.

01:28:40.000 Mary Jo Kopinski.

01:28:42.000 Is that it?

01:28:43.000 Yeah.

01:28:43.000 Man, we always remember that when we were kids.

01:28:45.000 There it is. 0.99

01:28:46.000 He just fucking left. 0.99

01:28:49.000 Later! 0.99

01:28:51.000 Wow.

01:28:52.000 That's so dark.

01:28:54.000 I wonder if he could have saved her.

01:28:55.000 He just went off the bridge. 1.00

01:28:58.000 Drunk as fuck off the bridge and she drowns. 1.00

01:29:04.000 That's something he had to carry with him, right? 1.00

01:29:07.000 Or not.

01:29:08.000 Some people carry stuff more than others.

01:29:10.000 I mean, he continued to drink.

01:29:12.000 That wasn't his bottom-out point.

01:29:14.000 Yeah.

01:29:15.000 He might have drank to forget.

01:29:17.000 Yeah.

01:29:18.000 Something like that.

01:29:19.000 He had a lot to forget.

01:29:20.000 He had two brothers that were assassinated.

01:29:22.000 Yeah.

01:29:22.000 Another one who died flying a plane in World War II? Yeah.

01:29:26.000 Joe?

01:29:27.000 And he lived to see his nephew die flying his plane.

01:29:33.000 Right.

01:29:34.000 Remember that?

01:29:35.000 Yeah.

01:29:35.000 That was another weird one.

01:29:37.000 That was weird.

01:29:38.000 He misjudged the ocean.

01:29:39.000 Yeah.

01:29:40.000 Was he fully licensed at the time?

01:29:42.000 I don't know.

01:29:43.000 I think he might have been, but he should have had more hours for what time of night he was flying in the distance or something.

01:29:49.000 Wasn't he flying in fog as well?

01:29:50.000 Yeah.

01:29:51.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:29:52.000 Holy shit. 1.00

01:29:53.000 His wife was a friend of mine from BU. Really? 1.00

01:29:55.000 Carolyn Bessette.

01:29:56.000 Yeah, we were friends with her. 1.00

01:29:57.000 Holy shit. 1.00

01:29:58.000 Second most beautiful woman I've ever seen in my life. 1.00

01:30:01.000 Other than your wife.

01:30:01.000 Thank you.

01:30:02.000 Well done.

01:30:03.000 Thanks.

01:30:03.000 I like how you did that.

01:30:04.000 Gorgeous woman.

01:30:05.000 Like, lit up a party. 0.99

01:30:06.000 Green eyes, tall, just fucking striking. 1.00

01:30:11.000 Fuck flying your own plane, bro. 1.00

01:30:13.000 I don't know. 1.00

01:30:14.000 I mean, it feels like it might be a lot of fucking fun. 0.78

01:30:19.000 I've never done it. 0.98

01:30:20.000 It'd be a lot of fun.

01:30:20.000 Have you done it?

01:30:21.000 I have been in other people's planes.

01:30:23.000 Yeah.

01:30:24.000 When I was in high school, I had a kid who I was real good friends with when I was like 14, and his dad...

01:30:33.000 Was I even 14?

01:30:35.000 Why am I rambling?

01:30:36.000 His dad was like a big-time hunter and fisherman, and he would fly around.

01:30:43.000 Actually, I think he was a poacher, in fact.

01:30:45.000 Oh, yeah?

01:30:46.000 Yeah, I think he was missing an eye.

01:30:48.000 He was a very strange guy, yeah.

01:30:50.000 And we would go camping with this dude, and he would be outside in Maine, and it was like zero degrees out, and he'd be out there in his underwear, in his long underwear. 0.99

01:30:58.000 He didn't give a fuck. 0.99

01:30:59.000 It's like he had ice water in his veins. 1.00

01:31:01.000 It would be so cold out.

01:31:02.000 This guy would be just standing around talking to people with a t-shirt on. 0.99

01:31:05.000 He just didn't give a fuck. 0.99

01:31:06.000 Was he fat? 1.00

01:31:07.000 Yeah.

01:31:08.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 1.00

01:31:08.000 Bitch tits. 1.00

01:31:09.000 Fat gut. 1.00

01:31:10.000 Only fat people could stand out in the cold like that. 0.95

01:31:12.000 He was like an old school sort of survivor type dude in a lot of ways.

01:31:17.000 He was a guy who could stay in the woods and live in the woods.

01:31:21.000 And he had a plane.

01:31:22.000 One of those little... 0.97

01:31:25.000 One of those little shitty prop planes. 1.00

01:31:27.000 Yeah. 0.94

01:31:27.000 And like you'd see on one of those Mountain Men episodes, the guys are flying over the woods by themselves. 0.94

01:31:33.000 They're wood, yeah.

01:31:34.000 He had one of those.

01:31:35.000 And his son was learning how to take lessons, so I went up with him. 0.99

01:31:38.000 So we were like, you know, we were fucking kids. 0.99

01:31:41.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:31:41.000 Like really young. 0.99

01:31:42.000 And he's flying around this goddamn airplane with an instructor, but me, him, and an instructor. 0.98

01:31:48.000 Was it scary? 0.99

01:31:48.000 Oh, yeah. 0.99

01:31:49.000 You're like, this thing's a piece of shit. 1.00

01:31:51.000 Yeah, right. 1.00

01:31:51.000 I mean, this is like a bush plane. 1.00

01:31:54.000 Yeah.

01:31:54.000 It's like barely held together.

01:31:56.000 It's like a lot of people's cars.

01:31:58.000 You know, you get in some people's cars, you're like, all right, I hope we make it.

01:32:01.000 You know?

01:32:04.000 And in that case, maybe you coast onto the shoulder if things don't go well.

01:32:08.000 Like, if you're friends with a comic and they give you a ride, like, hey, you going to the improv?

01:32:14.000 Can I go with you?

01:32:14.000 Yeah, sure.

01:32:15.000 And you get in a car and it's an 86 Buick.

01:32:17.000 You're like, we might not make it there.

01:32:20.000 Like, as we're moving along, we've got to realize this might not work out.

01:32:24.000 I kind of miss that feeling.

01:32:26.000 Do you? 0.98

01:32:26.000 You know, I had AAA and I fucking used it. 0.98

01:32:28.000 I think you got three pickups a year and I just always remember going over my three-ride maximum. 0.91

01:32:34.000 I'll tell you this, I do think that the character building aspects of driving in a place where your car could break down or get stuck in the snow and the ice that we experienced when we were kids, I think there's something that I really benefited from that.

01:32:50.000 Yeah.

01:32:50.000 I've benefited from being scared of the weather for a while.

01:32:53.000 Yeah.

01:32:53.000 Like, and understanding, like, okay, if you drive out there tonight, there's fucking four inches of snow on the ground, they haven't done any plowing, you're gonna run into some black ice too, because you know it was raining before it was snowing, before it got cold enough to snow.

01:33:07.000 Okay, we're going to do this?

01:33:08.000 Nobody has to do that in California.

01:33:11.000 You don't ever have to go out and wonder whether or not you're going to stay on the road.

01:33:15.000 That was a real issue when we were kids.

01:33:18.000 Can you keep your car on the road?

01:33:20.000 Whether you put chains on it.

01:33:21.000 I never did chains.

01:33:22.000 Did you do chains?

01:33:23.000 When I was in Boston, I did some gigs where I used chains.

01:33:26.000 There was that hotel, the Balsams Hotel.

01:33:30.000 I don't think they would have booked you.

01:33:32.000 Is that the one where they kicked you out?

01:33:33.000 You were swearing, they kicked you out, they made you drive home where the moose were on the road? 1.00

01:33:39.000 I drove four and a half hours up to Maine to go to this fucking hotel. 0.99

01:33:43.000 And they tell you, it's like the nicest hotel in New England. 0.99

01:33:46.000 It's 150 years old.

01:33:48.000 It's like The Shining.

01:33:49.000 It's huge.

01:33:50.000 And I drive up there like four and a half hours.

01:33:52.000 And I get there and they go, all right, listen... 1.00

01:33:57.000 Do 20 minutes and just please don't say fuck. 1.00

01:34:00.000 So I walk on stage and I go, well, they told me I can't say fuck tonight. 1.00

01:34:03.000 And I say fuck about 10 times. 1.00

01:34:05.000 And I checked into my room and unpacked. 1.00

01:34:08.000 I got off stage.

01:34:09.000 My bag was packed.

01:34:11.000 And they're like, you're out of here. 0.99

01:34:12.000 Now it's fucking midnight. 0.99

01:34:14.000 And I mean, you know Maine black out at night. 0.99

01:34:17.000 I mean, there is no fucking light at all. 0.99

01:34:19.000 And just moose, deer, fucking constant wildlife on this little two-lane road for hours. 0.99

01:34:27.000 Oh my god. 0.99

01:34:27.000 Yeah, it was brutal. 0.99

01:34:29.000 Yeah, that road from like, is it Portland to Bangor?

01:34:34.000 What's the first stop when you go across the border into Maine?

01:34:38.000 I think it's...

01:34:40.000 Portland's the most close city.

01:34:41.000 Yeah, but there's one that's a little bit closer.

01:34:45.000 Something Bridge.

01:34:46.000 Okay.

01:34:47.000 Yeah.

01:34:48.000 But anyway, we would go across that, and then you would go from this one stop all the way to Bangor.

01:34:55.000 It was one exit, and it was 60 miles.

01:35:00.000 It was a long stretch.

01:35:02.000 It's probably like 60 miles, right?

01:35:03.000 I'm not exaggerating, am I? I don't think I am.

01:35:06.000 No, we didn't think about that with those gigs.

01:35:08.000 We never thought about how far it was.

01:35:09.000 We just thought about date to write in my calendar.

01:35:12.000 That's it. 0.99

01:35:13.000 You got a date, I got an open, I'm fucking there. 0.99

01:35:15.000 I don't care where it is. 0.99

01:35:17.000 Never a hotel!

01:35:19.000 That Balsam's thing was like the only gig you got that we stayed in a hotel.

01:35:23.000 Wow.

01:35:24.000 Right?

01:35:24.000 I did a few for...

01:35:28.000 There was a couple people that booked gigs.

01:35:30.000 Oh, it was Norm LaFoe.

01:35:32.000 Oh, and Sherry... 0.99

01:35:33.000 Yeah, and Sherry Hirsch used to have a bunch of them.

01:35:35.000 But Norm LaFoe had one, I believe it was in Maine.

01:35:38.000 And it was actually a pretty good gig.

01:35:40.000 Yeah.

01:35:41.000 And then, remember, there were so many people that booked gigs.

01:35:44.000 Bill Downs was booking gigs.

01:35:46.000 Yep.

01:35:46.000 The Comedy Connection, the old Comedy Connection was booking gigs.

01:35:49.000 Boston Comedy was booking gigs.

01:35:51.000 Barry Katz.

01:35:52.000 Yeah.

01:35:52.000 There was a lot of different people that realized...

01:35:54.000 Dick Daugherty.

01:35:55.000 Dick Daugherty booked a lot of gigs.

01:35:56.000 Yeah.

01:35:57.000 They realized that they can make money just by setting up these comedy nights in these bars.

01:36:02.000 And so we would travel all over New England doing these things.

01:36:07.000 But some of those gigs, like the Bangor one, would take you to these places where if you weren't a comedian, what are the odds you're just going to go drive up there one day?

01:36:15.000 You're going to leave Boston and take a three and a half hour drive up through the wilderness on these little tiny ass roads in January.

01:36:22.000 I know! 1.00

01:36:23.000 And no fucking GPS. No. 1.00

01:36:26.000 We had a map and a prayer, you know, and it was like, you know, you never knew if you booked the gig, if it was more than three months out, there was a 50% chance the gig was canceled.

01:36:37.000 I never booked anything that far out, I don't think.

01:36:39.000 No?

01:36:40.000 I wasn't that desirable.

01:36:41.000 No.

01:36:42.000 I was getting gigs.

01:36:43.000 You were the filling guy?

01:36:44.000 Yeah, I was getting gigs.

01:36:45.000 If I got a good gig, it was like, you know, two weeks out or something like that was the maximum. 0.96

01:36:51.000 But there was the gigs that were like the fucking... 0.98

01:36:53.000 Death gigs. 0.99

01:36:54.000 The death gig.

01:36:54.000 Giggles.

01:36:55.000 I know they loved you early on, right?

01:36:57.000 Didn't they used to headline you early on?

01:36:59.000 That was Mike Clark.

01:37:00.000 Giggles is Mike Clark.

01:37:01.000 And Mike Clark was like, kid, you gotta clean it up, Rogan.

01:37:04.000 It was really funny.

01:37:06.000 This is Lenny Clark's brother, by the way.

01:37:08.000 Who's dirty and one of the best comics from Boston ever. 0.97

01:37:12.000 Lenny Clark is a monster. 0.99

01:37:14.000 And just dirty, partier, you know, just an animal, right? 1.00

01:37:18.000 They used to do cocaine every night for a decade. 0.94

01:37:21.000 Oh, at least.

01:37:22.000 Yeah.

01:37:23.000 The second time I ever got paid to work, I worked for Norm LaFoe.

01:37:26.000 And I worked at Jay's in Pittsfield.

01:37:28.000 Do you remember Pittsfield?

01:37:30.000 Pittsfield's another place.

01:37:31.000 You drive way out there.

01:37:34.000 And I got off stage.

01:37:36.000 I opened for Lenny.

01:37:37.000 I got off stage and Mike was like, look, I'd like to use you, but you gotta clean it up. 0.99

01:37:42.000 And that fucking Madonna bit. 1.00

01:37:44.000 I mean, it's funny, Joe, but you gotta clean it up. 1.00

01:37:47.000 You can't.

01:37:48.000 And then Lenny came off stage.

01:37:50.000 Don't listen to him, kid.

01:37:51.000 It's hilarious.

01:37:52.000 I laughed my balls off.

01:37:54.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:37:55.000 When you were talking about the colored kid, fucking shopping that bit up. 1.00

01:38:00.000 Shopping. 1.00

01:38:00.000 Shopping that bit up, Fitzsimmons. 1.00

01:38:03.000 I love it.

01:38:04.000 I love it.

01:38:05.000 Fitzy.

01:38:05.000 Fitzdog.

01:38:06.000 Fitzdog, I'm going to take you down the cape.

01:38:08.000 How many Fitzies did we know?

01:38:10.000 Dave Fitzgerald.

01:38:11.000 Yeah, but in Boston in general, there's so many Fitzies.

01:38:15.000 Right.

01:38:16.000 A lot of Fitzies.

01:38:16.000 I grew up with Fitzies.

01:38:18.000 There were so many goddamn Fitzies. 0.99

01:38:20.000 Hey, Fitzy's coming. 1.00

01:38:22.000 Which one?

01:38:22.000 Which Fitzy?

01:38:24.000 Fitzgerald, Fitzpatrick, Fitzsimmons, Fitzsimons.

01:38:27.000 There's a Fitzsimons?

01:38:28.000 Did you make that one up?

01:38:29.000 No, Fitzsimons is the original Irish spelling of it.

01:38:33.000 And then when he came to the U.S., they added another M. Oh, wow.

01:38:36.000 I don't know why.

01:38:39.000 It's an Irish-heavy community, man.

01:38:43.000 Boston's so still to this day, so Irish-heavy. 1.00

01:38:46.000 It's always interesting. 1.00

01:38:48.000 And the police force, all fucking Irish. 1.00

01:38:51.000 Cops, firemen, a lot of Irish in the fire department. 1.00

01:38:55.000 Politicians.

01:38:56.000 It's also, you have different flavors on the East Coast that you don't get a lot on the West Coast, like Puerto Ricans.

01:39:02.000 Right.

01:39:03.000 Like, Puerto Ricans in New York, they add a very real flavor.

01:39:06.000 Absolutely.

01:39:07.000 There's like a flavor.

01:39:09.000 They got flair.

01:39:09.000 Yeah.

01:39:10.000 They got style.

01:39:11.000 We have the Mexican, like, influence over here on the West Coast, which is like a little bit more laid back. 0.99

01:39:16.000 Very laid back, very, like, when you hear Trump talk about criminals and shit from Mexico, I'm like, that's diametrically the opposite of how I picture Mexicans. 0.98

01:39:26.000 Look, man, there's criminals everywhere, but I find that Mexican people that I meet, especially in America, down to earth, easy to hang out with, is very common. 0.99

01:39:35.000 Family-first.

01:39:36.000 Family-oriented, very common.

01:39:38.000 Friendly.

01:39:39.000 Hard-working.

01:39:40.000 Good sense of humor.

01:39:41.000 Yeah, it's not a bad group of people by any stretch of the imagination.

01:39:45.000 It's like what the Republicans say they want.

01:39:48.000 Christian families that stay together and work hard.

01:39:52.000 You got them.

01:39:53.000 Yeah, Mexicans. 0.92

01:39:54.000 Right. 0.85

01:39:56.000 Well, they're brown, though.

01:39:59.000 I mean, it's really like they're from over there. 1.00

01:40:01.000 It's so stupid. 1.00

01:40:02.000 It's so fucking stupid. 1.00

01:40:03.000 I mean, Ted Cruz is, first of all, his last name is Latino, and he's born in fucking Canada. 1.00

01:40:10.000 And for a guy like that to be against immigration is so hilarious. 1.00

01:40:14.000 Like, look at your name, you fuck! 1.00

01:40:17.000 Look at where you were born, dummy. 1.00

01:40:19.000 Well, Rubio is anti-immigration as well. 1.00

01:40:21.000 They're all crazy. 1.00

01:40:22.000 Well, what about fucking Trump, who's got two wives that were... 1.00

01:40:26.000 One was questionable about her legality with her green card. 1.00

01:40:30.000 He could potentially be married to a woman who is guilty of illegal immigration.

01:40:35.000 Um, she's hot. 1.00

01:40:36.000 Who cares?

01:40:36.000 Yeah, she is hot.

01:40:37.000 That's all that matters.

01:40:38.000 She's still hot. 1.00

01:40:39.000 She's hot enough, dude. 1.00

01:40:40.000 She's got the Willy Waka golden ticket. 0.90

01:40:42.000 And it's between our legs.

01:40:44.000 And she gets in.

01:40:45.000 Nobody's going to deny a girl looks like that a green card. 0.99

01:40:47.000 Why would you not let her in?

01:40:48.000 And she does the foreplay herself. 1.00

01:40:50.000 Like, he just says 10 minutes, and she gets a little oil, takes a hot tub, gets a finger going down. 0.56

01:40:56.000 Not hard.

01:40:56.000 She doesn't penetrate.

01:40:57.000 Gentle.

01:40:57.000 Just works the outside.

01:40:59.000 Candles?

01:41:00.000 Candles.

01:41:00.000 Kenny G music?

01:41:01.000 Or is that just my one?

01:41:02.000 No.

01:41:06.000 Little soft sacks. 0.71

01:41:09.000 God, she's ridiculously hot. 1.00

01:41:11.000 And those are real tits, apparently. 1.00

01:41:13.000 Well, who gives a fuck? 1.00

01:41:14.000 I do. 0.99

01:41:15.000 But you're not gonna touch them, so who cares?

01:41:17.000 Because the top just has that little softness to it.

01:41:21.000 Yeah.

01:41:21.000 God, she's gorgeous.

01:41:22.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:41:23.000 She's fucking beautiful. 0.99

01:41:24.000 You know her story? 1.00

01:41:25.000 She, like, grew up in a fucking farm in, uh... 0.99

01:41:29.000 Yeah, that's how you gotta get them. 0.99

01:41:30.000 Where was it?

01:41:31.000 The Ukraine?

01:41:32.000 Yeah.

01:41:33.000 Where was she born?

01:41:34.000 Or was it Romania?

01:41:35.000 Finland.

01:41:36.000 Holland.

01:41:36.000 No.

01:41:37.000 She's Flemish. 1.00

01:41:39.000 She's Flemish after he fucking throws a hot thick one in her neck. 1.00

01:41:43.000 She's from... 1.00

01:41:44.000 Slovenia.

01:41:45.000 Yeah.

01:41:46.000 So she was dirt poor. 1.00

01:41:49.000 And, you know, she entered some beauty contest and she got seen. 0.99

01:41:54.000 They started sending her on commercials and all of a sudden they sent her to New York and she fucking was booking work. 0.99

01:42:00.000 And the Donalds are... 0.97

01:42:02.000 And a party, and she was with a guy, and he was with a girl, and he made his move.

01:42:06.000 Did he?

01:42:07.000 Yeah.

01:42:08.000 It's the kind of guy you want running president.

01:42:10.000 That's it.

01:42:11.000 Guy who can close!

01:42:12.000 It's the guy you got.

01:42:14.000 It's the guy you got.

01:42:15.000 That's what you need, folks.

01:42:17.000 A man who can close. 0.89

01:42:18.000 Close deals!

01:42:19.000 Trump.

01:42:20.000 Trump's your man.

01:42:21.000 Period.

01:42:22.000 Just show him his story.

01:42:23.000 Animated.

01:42:24.000 That's the commercial.

01:42:25.000 Him taking the girl.

01:42:27.000 Going upstairs.

01:42:27.000 Let's just go for it, folks.

01:42:29.000 Let's see.

01:42:29.000 Him.

01:42:29.000 He doesn't even take his boxer shorts off.

01:42:31.000 They're wrapped around his ankles.

01:42:32.000 He's got expensive gold-tipped socks on.

01:42:35.000 And he probably keeps his dress shirt on mostly while he's just railing her from behind.

01:42:40.000 Yeah.

01:42:40.000 And it says, Trump.

01:42:41.000 He closes deals.

01:42:43.000 Ha! 0.89

01:42:43.000 It's just an animated video. 0.89

01:42:45.000 She's got a laptop on her back.

01:42:47.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:42:47.000 He's just banging the shit out of her and doing stocks. 0.99

01:42:51.000 And tweeting at Rosie O'Donald. 1.00

01:42:53.000 You fat pig. 1.00

01:42:54.000 You loser, Rosie. 1.00

01:42:56.000 Sad. 1.00

01:42:57.000 She has to remind him he's fucking her. 1.00

01:42:59.000 Donald, couple more. 1.00

01:43:01.000 Donald, I am down here. 1.00

01:43:03.000 I'm down here to receive dick. 1.00

01:43:05.000 I work on my pussy all day for you. 1.00

01:43:08.000 I squeeze, I squeeze. 1.00

01:43:10.000 I primp, I shave, I perfume.

01:43:12.000 I'm here to make juice.

01:43:14.000 I'm here to squeeze.

01:43:17.000 And make juice.

01:43:18.000 We're going to go to jail.

01:43:19.000 That's the president's wife. 1.00

01:43:20.000 That's right.

01:43:21.000 That's a real possibility.

01:43:23.000 I mean, I'm not sure if it's the wrong one either. 0.99

01:43:25.000 The one thing that I like about Trump becoming president is the one thing that I like is that it throws the whole fucking golf fucking food cart just... 0.99

01:43:35.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:43:36.000 Just chucks it over.

01:43:37.000 Right.

01:43:37.000 Figure this mess out.

01:43:38.000 Right.

01:43:39.000 And they've got to figure out a way to come up with a candidate that makes sense to people.

01:43:43.000 It already has, though.

01:43:44.000 I think the GOP knew after Obama got elected twice, the GOP knew that they needed the black vote, the Latino vote, they needed to come more to the center, and they didn't.

01:43:57.000 And so Trump happened.

01:43:58.000 And now you've got to think that Trump is like the real slap in the face they didn't receive after the black guy won twice. 0.95

01:44:06.000 Yeah. 0.89

01:44:06.000 They know they've got to lighten up on some of these social issues like abortion, gay marriage. 0.89

01:44:14.000 They've got to let it the fuck go and not worry about bathrooms with a girl and a boy's back. 1.00

01:44:19.000 Shut the fuck up! 1.00

01:44:20.000 Yeah, I agree. 0.99

01:44:22.000 That's why it's moving to immigration.

01:44:24.000 Immigration is one that taps those primal fears of invaders. 0.95

01:44:27.000 And it's not a real issue.

01:44:30.000 Right.

01:44:31.000 Invaders moved into my neighborhood.

01:44:32.000 They're taking jobs. 1.00

01:44:34.000 And they're raping. 0.94

01:44:35.000 They take all the fruit off the trees. 0.79

01:44:37.000 The trees are barren.

01:44:39.000 The invaders have come.

01:44:43.000 They're taking all the good jobs.

01:44:44.000 That's a weird thing too.

01:44:46.000 I feel like these are the last holdouts to the inevitable conclusion that borders are retarded. 1.00

01:44:51.000 We can't have borders anymore.

01:44:52.000 If we all want to pretend to be even, we all want to be like, we all want to be like kind.

01:44:58.000 We want Holland to treat Finland the same way.

01:45:01.000 We want Japan to treat China. 1.00

01:45:04.000 But everybody just treat everybody like they would if we were one gigantic community.

01:45:09.000 Well, you're never going to have that if you have these places where you can't go in, and you can't get out, and they can hold you.

01:45:14.000 Like, you can't just cross the border, and you have to go to this place, and they check your bags.

01:45:18.000 Like, what are we doing?

01:45:19.000 Like, what are we doing?

01:45:20.000 What are these, like, whoa, this side, we've done a better job of managing resources, and we're not going to pick up the slack for those brownies. 1.00

01:45:27.000 Right, right.

01:45:27.000 Those brownies with their El Cucaracha music, drinking that tequila down south of the border.

01:45:32.000 We're going to put up a wall!

01:45:34.000 They had the same opportunities as us and they squandered them, squandered!

01:45:38.000 For right now, that makes sense.

01:45:40.000 I understand the impulse to do that right now. 0.97

01:45:42.000 I understand if you're the person who doesn't want your house broken into or you're the rich guy who lives really close to San Diego and you're like, fuck that, keep them over there.

01:45:50.000 I get the sentiment, but when you look at it, if you take yourself out of the picture and you look at the overall picture of human beings on the planet, inevitably those things are going away.

01:46:01.000 This is only a matter of time.

01:46:02.000 Tower of Babel!

01:46:03.000 I was in Seattle the other day and I used this lens thing on phones.

01:46:11.000 Have you ever done this?

01:46:12.000 No.

01:46:12.000 Where you can take your phone and you hold it up And you can hold it up to an image that has writing on it, and it translates it on your phone.

01:46:22.000 Oh, yeah, yeah.

01:46:23.000 I used it in Italy.

01:46:23.000 Yeah, it's incredible.

01:46:24.000 It's amazing.

01:46:25.000 It's incredible.

01:46:26.000 It reads it.

01:46:27.000 The photo gets read by your phone. 1.00

01:46:30.000 It'll read a fucking menu. 0.99

01:46:30.000 You could put up a menu in Italian, and it'll tell you what the entrees are. 0.99

01:46:34.000 Dude.

01:46:35.000 Dude.

01:46:35.000 It's incredible.

01:46:36.000 It's amazing.

01:46:37.000 It's incredible.

01:46:38.000 I mean, how long before there's something where when someone talks...

01:46:43.000 It's immediately translating it in real time back to you.

01:46:46.000 You just put an iPhone ear thing on.

01:46:48.000 What's that?

01:46:49.000 You say they have it?

01:46:50.000 They have it already?

01:46:51.000 Of course they have it. 1.00

01:46:53.000 If a fucking moron like me comes up with it, like, hey, how about you do this? 1.00

01:46:57.000 We've been working on it for 10 years! 1.00

01:46:59.000 We have a startup!

01:47:00.000 Here's my test if something's good.

01:47:02.000 Elon Musk is involved!

01:47:03.000 Yeah, that's hilarious.

01:47:04.000 In your device that translates foreign languages in real time.

01:47:07.000 That's amazing.

01:47:08.000 Wow.

01:47:09.000 This gadget company...

01:47:10.000 That's crazy!

01:47:11.000 ...comprises two earpieces that easily fit into your ears. 0.99

01:47:14.000 That is fucking amazing. 1.00

01:47:15.000 God damn! 1.00

01:47:16.000 So when people are talking... 1.00

01:47:17.000 It's $129!

01:47:19.000 That's it!

01:47:19.000 Dude, what's that called?

01:47:20.000 I'm fucking buying one tomorrow. 0.99

01:47:23.000 So I can understand what my kids are saying about me in Spanish. 0.99

01:47:26.000 It's called Waverly?

01:47:27.000 Something Waverly?

01:47:28.000 Waverly Labs.

01:47:28.000 The company that made it Waverly Labs.

01:47:30.000 Wow. 1.00

01:47:31.000 I'm on that shit. 1.00

01:47:32.000 Goddamn, this is an amazing time to be alive when it comes to this stuff. 1.00

01:47:35.000 But here's the thing. 0.95

01:47:36.000 All of these things in theory should bring us together and break down barriers.

01:47:41.000 Look at Brexit. 0.98

01:47:42.000 They tried to pull together and they fucking, you know, Yeah. 0.99

01:47:47.000 Well, you know what? 0.98

01:47:48.000 Doesn't end well.

01:47:48.000 I need to talk to my friend Steve Hilton.

01:47:51.000 I've had him on the podcast before.

01:47:53.000 Like the Hilton Hotels?

01:47:54.000 Well, no.

01:47:55.000 He's a politician from England.

01:47:58.000 He was for a while.

01:47:59.000 He was David Cameron's right-hand man.

01:48:01.000 Oh, yeah?

01:48:01.000 And now he runs this thing over in America.

01:48:06.000 He runs a startup called CrowdPak, Well, you kind of can find out what the candidates stand for.

01:48:12.000 You put in what you stand for.

01:48:13.000 I heard about this, and it tells you what candidate you should vote for.

01:48:16.000 Yeah, what candidate best represents your positions and these things.

01:48:19.000 But he actually thinks that the Brexit thing is a good idea.

01:48:23.000 I haven't talked to him about it.

01:48:24.000 Yeah, but...

01:48:26.000 I know that's what his opinion is, and I would like to hear it.

01:48:28.000 I want to know what that...

01:48:29.000 Because I don't have an opinion.

01:48:31.000 I don't either.

01:48:32.000 I understand that they don't want people to be able to immigrate freely all throughout Europe and come to the UK. That's where England had an issue.

01:48:39.000 And I understand that some people think it's racist.

01:48:43.000 But I don't know enough of it to have an opinion.

01:48:46.000 I think it's a populist movement.

01:48:48.000 I think it got a lot of energy from the wrong people, and the focus was on the wrong parts of it.

01:48:53.000 But economically, I mean, the pound dropped in value, or the euro dropped in value when they pulled out.

01:49:01.000 And, you know, a lot of countries said they're not going to do business with England for a while.

01:49:05.000 They're going to punish them.

01:49:06.000 See, but this is what I'm saying.

01:49:07.000 If you look at what we're talking about when we're talking about borders, that's essentially like a dissolving of borders.

01:49:14.000 Yeah.

01:49:14.000 Right?

01:49:15.000 That's essentially what they're saying.

01:49:16.000 Like, we're just going to start saying these borders don't mean anything. 0.97

01:49:19.000 You can move to wherever the fuck you want, just pop back and forth from each one of these countries in Europe. 0.97

01:49:24.000 We're a union. 0.99

01:49:25.000 Like the United States, in a lot of ways.

01:49:27.000 And really, probably, how much bigger...

01:49:30.000 Who's bigger?

01:49:31.000 All of Europe and the European Union or the continental United States?

01:49:36.000 What's bigger physically? 0.98

01:49:38.000 Well, Russia's got a ton of fucking land, but a lot of it's just ice. 0.98

01:49:42.000 Right, but is Russia considered Europe? 0.99

01:49:44.000 No.

01:49:45.000 Is it?

01:49:45.000 Asia.

01:49:46.000 Russia's Asia. 0.87

01:49:47.000 Is it?

01:49:47.000 Yeah.

01:49:48.000 Oh, no shit. 1.00

01:49:50.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:49:50.000 See, we're learning. 1.00

01:49:51.000 You didn't know that?

01:49:52.000 No, I thought it was part of Europe. 0.98

01:49:53.000 Dare you, racist. 0.99

01:49:54.000 You're so lucky they're white. 1.00

01:49:55.000 Because you could be ignorant about them and no one gives a shit. 1.00

01:49:58.000 Lucky I'm white. 1.00

01:49:59.000 Well, you know what I mean?

01:50:00.000 Because Russians are white. 1.00

01:50:01.000 You can't be called a racist.

01:50:03.000 How big is the United States compared to Europe?

01:50:05.000 The United States is 9,161,923 kilometers.

01:50:10.000 Europe is 3 million.

01:50:12.000 So we're 788. So yeah, we're three times larger.

01:50:15.000 Yeah.

01:50:16.000 I mean, close to it at least.

01:50:17.000 Yeah.

01:50:18.000 Wow.

01:50:19.000 Two and a half times the size of the European Union.

01:50:21.000 Okay, but either way, we're talking about two fairly large countries.

01:50:26.000 I'm still reeling from the fact that Russia's not in Europe. 0.74

01:50:32.000 I can't fucking believe that I'm this old, and I've been to college, and I don't know that.

01:50:39.000 Well, do you know the story of the Mongols? 0.95

01:50:41.000 People now listening to this are going, no!

01:50:44.000 No more Mongols! 1.00

01:50:46.000 No more!

01:50:46.000 I read the Genghis Khan biography.

01:50:48.000 It's one of the greatest fucking books of all time. 0.96

01:50:51.000 Do me a favor, and everybody who hasn't heard of this before, do me a favor. 0.97

01:50:54.000 Listen to Dan Carlin's hardcore history series called The Wrath of the Khan. 0.97

01:50:59.000 It is fucking epic. 0.97

01:51:02.000 It's five episodes. 0.99

01:51:03.000 It's a mind-blowing story.

01:51:04.000 But Dan Carlin covers it like it's a masterpiece.

01:51:07.000 Yeah.

01:51:07.000 It's a masterpiece.

01:51:08.000 It's five episodes on Genghis Khan and his family and all the crazy shit that they did. 0.99

01:51:13.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:51:14.000 Oh my god. 1.00

01:51:15.000 The crazy shit was how much they conquered. 0.99

01:51:18.000 I don't know if they were the biggest conquerors in history, but European Russia. 0.99

01:51:23.000 Okay.

01:51:24.000 Russia is a European... 0.98

01:51:25.000 Okay, the question is, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, located in Asia.

01:51:29.000 A larger part of its huge landmass is located in what is Asia, while more Russians live in the country's European part.

01:51:36.000 Oh, so it's both.

01:51:38.000 Hmm.

01:51:38.000 Alright, so we can agree or disagree.

01:51:40.000 Moscow's on the far western part of it, I believe.

01:51:42.000 So Moscow's the European part?

01:51:43.000 Yeah, close to that, and then the rest of it's the Asian. 0.98

01:51:45.000 Oh, interesting.

01:51:46.000 Interesting.

01:51:47.000 So, is that all that, so I don't know that much about the globe, even though I do know the Earth is flat because I go on YouTube.

01:51:54.000 Have you been paying attention to that?

01:51:56.000 No.

01:51:56.000 Oh, you don't know.

01:51:57.000 No.

01:51:58.000 You don't know.

01:51:59.000 You don't know. 0.98

01:51:59.000 There's a fucking enormous group of people in America in 2016 that think the Earth is flat and that it is a big conspiracy. 0.98

01:52:07.000 Really? 0.99

01:52:08.000 There's tons of videos on it.

01:52:09.000 There are tons of videos on how satellites are not real, but they're planes in low Earth orbit.

01:52:15.000 They just keep flying around, transmitting data.

01:52:17.000 They're just constantly flying these planes around, lying about there being satellites.

01:52:22.000 You know what it is?

01:52:24.000 It's like hipsters that are dressing like they're from the 1800s and cooking like they're from the 1800s. 0.95

01:52:28.000 And now they're going to go back to scientific beliefs from the 19th century.

01:52:34.000 Wow, look at how it's all connected.

01:52:36.000 Back up a little bit there, young Jamie.

01:52:38.000 Look how China just sort of rolls into Europe like that.

01:52:44.000 And that's why...

01:52:47.000 When you look at all the different kinds of languages that exist in that one area.

01:52:53.000 I know.

01:52:54.000 It's a ton of languages, and it used to be a ton of currencies.

01:52:58.000 I remember traveling around Europe.

01:53:00.000 I had a backpack for six months when I was 18, and I just hopped around.

01:53:04.000 And my biggest nightmare...

01:53:18.000 God.

01:53:31.000 All I was trying to do was get laid. 0.98

01:53:33.000 And so then they switched over to the Euro.

01:53:35.000 It made everything way easier.

01:53:36.000 Yeah.

01:53:37.000 But now that England bailed, no more European Union, so no more Euro either.

01:53:42.000 No, the...

01:53:43.000 They're going to keep using the Euro?

01:53:44.000 The EEC is going to continue on.

01:53:46.000 They're just not going to have England as part of it.

01:53:48.000 But I'm saying no more Euro in England.

01:53:51.000 No, I don't think England ever converted.

01:53:53.000 I think they stayed with the pound all this time.

01:53:55.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:53:55.000 They were always half in on this shit. 1.00

01:53:57.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:53:58.000 We are better than you.

01:54:00.000 Right.

01:54:00.000 We're not sure if we want you joining.

01:54:03.000 We've got these lovely pictures of an inbred queen on our five quid note.

01:54:08.000 We've thought it over and decided to just let you two sort it out on your own.

01:54:14.000 We'll be over here in England.

01:54:16.000 Thank you. 0.99

01:54:17.000 We're going to have a little tea while you all fucking... 1.00

01:54:21.000 They're fucked for a while. 1.00

01:54:23.000 Everybody hates them. 1.00

01:54:24.000 Are you going to address your fundamentalist problem?

01:54:29.000 Yes or no?

01:54:30.000 We will no longer be backing up your socialist program.

01:54:34.000 But one day, it's going to be what it is, right?

01:54:37.000 One day, they're going to figure out how to get the whole thing and make it one.

01:54:41.000 Might not be in our lifetime.

01:54:44.000 Might be a hundred years from now where they abandon the idea of...

01:54:49.000 That's the only way things are going to be fair.

01:54:52.000 I know.

01:54:52.000 Because one way things are not fair, if you live in a really shitty country, if you're really a war-torn part of the world or something like that, you're not allowed to just move anywhere you want.

01:55:01.000 Yeah.

01:55:02.000 Because everybody would just live in Miami.

01:55:04.000 Right.

01:55:04.000 They would just all go...

01:55:06.000 They'd just go to the good spot and they would just overwhelm that bitch. 1.00

01:55:09.000 Right. 1.00

01:55:10.000 You know, they'd just fucking float on over and Miami would just be like a crazy market. 0.98

01:55:15.000 Yeah. 0.98

01:55:15.000 It would just be chickens running through the streets and people playing music in their underwear. 0.98

01:55:20.000 Way more extreme than it is now.

01:55:22.000 Shoulder to shoulder on the beach.

01:55:24.000 You'd never get anywhere.

01:55:25.000 Yeah.

01:55:25.000 It'd be like Rio.

01:55:27.000 But like Kansas would be like...

01:55:28.000 Right.

01:55:29.000 Tumbleweez. 0.99

01:55:30.000 Until global warming kicks in then everybody's heading up to the fucking Midwest. 0.99

01:55:34.000 I wonder. 0.99

01:55:35.000 Well, that's sort of how it's always been.

01:55:37.000 I'm not excusing people.

01:55:39.000 It's one thing that I think gets lost in this whole climate change debate.

01:55:44.000 Climate change, for the record, I think is definitely real, and I think it's definitely being affected by human beings and pollution and what we're doing to the environment.

01:55:58.000 I don't think that's deniable.

01:56:01.000 But, I think that said, we should also look at, forget about what people have done. 0.98

01:56:06.000 I think just we should also be aware that this fucking thing changes. 0.94

01:56:10.000 And there's ice ages back when people were knocking sticks together and hoping to start a fire and still created an ice age. 0.98

01:56:18.000 Had nothing to do with people.

01:56:19.000 The thing fluctuates.

01:56:21.000 It gets weird.

01:56:22.000 And you can go through periods where North America is covered in a mile-high sheet of ice like was the case 10,000 years ago.

01:56:31.000 That's hard for people to get in their heads.

01:56:33.000 10,000 years ago, we weren't doing anything as far as cars.

01:56:36.000 There was no hairspray.

01:56:37.000 We weren't shitting on the earth at all.

01:56:39.000 And there was a mile-high sheet of ice that covered most of North America.

01:56:44.000 That's the Great Lakes.

01:56:46.000 That's all those flatlands.

01:56:47.000 Those were plowed over by giant glaciers that just smushed the earth.

01:56:52.000 That was 10,000 years ago.

01:56:54.000 There's statues from 10,000 years ago. 0.98

01:56:56.000 There's shit in Turkey that they've discovered that's 3,000 years older than that. 0.92

01:57:01.000 So during that time, without people doing anything, it's changed radically. 0.99

01:57:05.000 So I'm not exonerating people, but I'm saying there's a real fucking stupid part of this global warming climate change issue is that it's become some sort of an ideological debate between the left and the right. 0.99

01:57:17.000 The left who blame everything on people and the right who say it's all bullshit. 0.99

01:57:22.000 Or some of them say it's all bullshit or offer solutions that really don't take into account the environment. 1.00

01:57:28.000 The reality is this fucking planet is volatile. 1.00

01:57:31.000 Right. 1.00

01:57:32.000 Once again, it's become a debate where one side has to negate the other side for their truth to be the only truth.

01:57:38.000 Exactly.

01:57:39.000 Yeah, well that does happen with people, man.

01:57:41.000 We get super rigid in not just an opinion, but in a side.

01:57:46.000 Yeah.

01:57:46.000 In a side you take.

01:57:47.000 I think we have to be, whoever's right or whoever's wrong about global warming, we have to fucking wake up as to how much resources we have left and how quickly we burn in them. 0.56

01:57:57.000 Yeah. 0.66

01:57:57.000 Because there was just something about China, one area of China that's dangerously close to having its oceans ecosystem completely collapse due to overfishing. 0.66

01:58:07.000 They're like, yeah, because you think about what the ocean is, right?

01:58:11.000 Let's turn the ocean into, instead of this gigantic mass of water, let's just have a tank the size of this room. 0.95

01:58:19.000 And all these little fish in here are fucking making new fish.

01:58:22.000 And then we throw in a few little tiny boats with scoopers in them. 0.97

01:58:26.000 And they just scoop around and scoop fish up. 0.72

01:58:28.000 Just scoop fish up. 0.94

01:58:30.000 And hopefully scoop fish up In enough time that gives the remaining fish time to fuck and make more fish, and then they scoop fish up, and then they scoop fish up, and they keep doing this. 0.94

01:58:41.000 How long can you do that before there's no more fish? 0.83

01:58:43.000 Well, it turns out it's about 50, 60 years.

01:58:46.000 And where they are at right now is there's some places that are collapsing.

01:58:50.000 They're like, wow, there's no more fish.

01:58:52.000 Because it's not just the fish you're catching.

01:58:54.000 It's the ones that feed on them.

01:58:56.000 Well, it's not only that.

01:58:57.000 It's like there's no sustainability plan in a lot of parts of the world. 0.93

01:59:01.000 Just suck out as much as you can. 1.00

01:59:03.000 Fuck the world. 1.00

01:59:04.000 And just do it because that's how you make a profit. 1.00

01:59:07.000 And they're just international waters.

01:59:11.000 There's like all this weird debate about how you can control people fishing and what you can do.

01:59:17.000 They have a hard enough time, like Sea Shepherd has a hard enough time catching people killing whales.

01:59:22.000 Do you know how they're getting away with killing whales?

01:59:24.000 How?

01:59:25.000 They pretend that it's scientific research.

01:59:29.000 Yeah, because every country's allotted 20 whales a year or something.

01:59:33.000 Yeah, so these boats go out and they slaughter whales for scientific research and then they sell their bodies.

01:59:38.000 Yeah.

01:59:40.000 It's like a loophole that allows them to profit still off killing whales.

01:59:44.000 You could never do that if a whale was a land creature in North America where it was this beautiful thing that walked by and went...

01:59:52.000 And we knew there was only a few of them left.

01:59:55.000 Like, wow, keep that thing alive.

01:59:57.000 How cool it is.

01:59:58.000 They never hurt people.

01:59:59.000 They only eat plants.

02:00:01.000 No, look what happened to the orcas at SeaWorld.

02:00:03.000 People are boycotting the park because a couple of them died.

02:00:07.000 And they should.

02:00:08.000 Because they were on land.

02:00:10.000 Yeah.

02:00:11.000 Well, not only that, one of them tried to kill themselves.

02:00:13.000 Oh, yeah.

02:00:14.000 One of them beached themselves.

02:00:14.000 Really?

02:00:15.000 Yeah, one of them came out of the container and laid on the ground, tried to kill itself.

02:00:21.000 It makes sense, man.

02:00:23.000 They're supposed to be smart.

02:00:26.000 Yeah, it's tough because the ocean doesn't have...

02:00:28.000 I mean, you go back to borders, at least if you've got a border around a piece of ocean, you can say, we can save our piece of the ocean.

02:00:36.000 Right.

02:00:36.000 But if China does that, there's ripple effects, and eventually it affects all the oceans.

02:00:40.000 Yeah, you can't tell people where to go unless they have guns. 0.99

02:00:44.000 If they come over in a battleship, right, that's when you can tell them, hey, fuckface. 0.99

02:00:47.000 Right. 0.99

02:00:48.000 But if, like, a fishing boat, you'd probably get pretty close.

02:00:51.000 Yeah.

02:00:51.000 But they must have, like, waters that are designated...

02:00:56.000 For international fishing.

02:00:58.000 Yeah there is.

02:01:00.000 I was looking up part of the problem with the marine life and whatnot, and I got to this article that says that they're doing land reclamation, which is also destroying what things.

02:01:08.000 They're adding new islands in an area in between different countries where they already have islands, which is breaking some international water laws, which is what you guys were just talking about.

02:01:19.000 The United Nations is mad at them for doing this because it sounds like it's kind of blocking off area that should be open for anybody to navigate.

02:01:27.000 Oh.

02:01:28.000 That's interesting.

02:01:29.000 So they're closing off channels.

02:01:31.000 For various reasons.

02:01:32.000 And they're calling it land reclamation?

02:01:34.000 Yeah.

02:01:35.000 I was trying to find out what they were doing with it.

02:01:36.000 Don't they have enough land?

02:01:38.000 How do you make an island?

02:01:41.000 It's a good question.

02:01:42.000 Like you have a barge and you just shoot sand until it comes up.

02:01:44.000 You just keep pumping, just probably throw all your poo. 0.66

02:01:48.000 We have to deal with a billion people's poo. 1.00

02:01:52.000 What should we do with it?

02:01:53.000 Let's just make an island.

02:01:54.000 Let's make mushroom island. 0.99

02:01:55.000 Just fucking stack it up. 1.00

02:01:57.000 You know the fucking magic mushrooms we've thrown out of there. 1.00

02:01:58.000 Have you seen that one in Dubai? 0.99

02:02:00.000 Yeah.

02:02:00.000 There's a series of islands.

02:02:02.000 There's two of them.

02:02:02.000 One of them that looks like the earth.

02:02:04.000 Like, all the continents.

02:02:05.000 Look at that.

02:02:06.000 Are they floating, or are those grounded?

02:02:09.000 No, well, they're grounded, but they built them up.

02:02:12.000 Yeah.

02:02:13.000 But, you know, I mean, it's so cocky. 0.99

02:02:15.000 Any fucking change. 0.99

02:02:16.000 See, they have a seawall around them. 0.99

02:02:17.000 Yep.

02:02:18.000 And see how the seawall has, like, those little vents where water can come in and water can come out, but it'll stop, like, a giant surge.

02:02:25.000 So it allows water to escape so they don't get overwhelmed.

02:02:27.000 Wow.

02:02:28.000 It's really interesting, the design, but most people think it's not going to work.

02:02:33.000 Mother's gonna take it back. 1.00

02:02:35.000 Mother's gonna take it all back. 1.00

02:02:36.000 What have you done down here?

02:02:38.000 Mother's gonna go, I think I want to clean today. 0.99

02:02:44.000 You give me that seawall.

02:02:47.000 She's just pulling out Bentleys and Gucci bags and Jimmy Choo shoes.

02:02:54.000 Jay-Z's doing a concert there.

02:02:57.000 He's dead. 1.00

02:02:58.000 Sucks them into her water. 1.00

02:03:00.000 Let's try again. 1.00

02:03:02.000 Take you down to the raw molecules and try again.

02:03:05.000 They just suck sand from one part of the ocean and blast it into another.

02:03:09.000 That's incredible.

02:03:10.000 Wow.

02:03:11.000 Scroll down so I can read what it says.

02:03:13.000 It says this added 144 miles of shoreline to Dubai. 0.99

02:03:17.000 Damn. 1.00

02:03:18.000 Holy shit. 1.00

02:03:19.000 144 miles of sand. 0.99

02:03:22.000 I mean, talk about the ecosystem.

02:03:24.000 They're just sucking sand.

02:03:25.000 There's living things in that sand at the bottom of the ocean.

02:03:28.000 Um, whatever.

02:03:29.000 Dude!

02:03:30.000 It is really weird how much money they have.

02:03:33.000 I mean, Dubai is like a fascinating exercise in what you can do if you have all the money.

02:03:38.000 And no class.

02:03:40.000 How dare you?

02:03:41.000 It's like the Vegas of countries.

02:03:46.000 The Vegas of countries.

02:03:48.000 That is hilarious.

02:03:50.000 Whenever I see a young kid in a Ferrari driving down Beverly late at night, La Cienega, those little clubs, all I think is Dubai. 0.89

02:03:58.000 This guy's got a credit card from his dad in Dubai, and he's just tearing it up, going to clubs and just fucking throwing down a credit card for endless bottles of champagne.

02:04:09.000 There is one guy I saw at, there's a Beverly Hills Hotel, I forget which one it was, but I went to dinner there, and they had these cars that were from Saudi Arabia, with Saudi Arabian plates.

02:04:22.000 They either fly them over here, or they ship them over here.

02:04:26.000 And it's apparently the sign of like a super baller, is that you keep your Saudi Arabian license plates on your Bugatti Veyron as you drive around Beverly Hills.

02:04:36.000 Right.

02:04:36.000 So you're driving around Beverly Hills in a car that costs over a million dollars.

02:04:40.000 A million dollars.

02:04:41.000 Yeah.

02:04:41.000 And you have these plates that are not legal at all.

02:04:43.000 And no one says shit to you. 0.99

02:04:45.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:04:46.000 Because it's obvious that you're some prince or some sultan type dude.

02:04:49.000 Yeah.

02:04:50.000 Bill Burr has a video up on YouTube about he was in Paris.

02:04:53.000 And there's a big thing there of guys from the Middle East flying their cars in.

02:04:58.000 Exactly what you're talking about.

02:05:00.000 Yeah.

02:05:00.000 And there's like a convention of them.

02:05:03.000 And it's blocks and blocks of million-dollar cars, and it costs $50,000 to ship it over.

02:05:11.000 Wow.

02:05:12.000 And they'll bring over three or four cars each.

02:05:17.000 Wow, that's super baller stuff.

02:05:19.000 Yeah.

02:05:19.000 But isn't that one of those things where it always accelerates?

02:05:23.000 Like, everything continues to accelerate.

02:05:25.000 Like, what made you a super baller in 1996 does not make you a super baller in 2016. You've got to get on that next level shit. 0.99

02:05:34.000 And that next level shit, if you're a guy from Abu Dhabi or Dubai, is every year I fly back To California. 1.00

02:05:43.000 And I spend the summer there. 0.99

02:05:44.000 I don't want to be here for the summer.

02:05:46.000 So I fly my Bugatti.

02:05:47.000 I fly my Ferrari.

02:05:49.000 Yeah.

02:05:49.000 And just have some baller pad in Beverly Hills.

02:05:52.000 And all you just do is cum all the time. 0.99

02:05:55.000 Right. 0.99

02:05:55.000 You're just shooting loads. 0.99

02:05:56.000 And the bitches show up. 1.00

02:05:58.000 They smell the loads. 1.00

02:06:00.000 They smell the jewelry.

02:06:04.000 The Veyron.

02:06:05.000 Well, if you're a girl and you are...

02:06:08.000 What's a nice way to put it?

02:06:11.000 Loose morally.

02:06:12.000 If you are okay with doing sexual things for money, if you can get a lot of money out of a gentleman, that's the kind of gentleman you would want to get, because that guy could give you a million dollars and he wouldn't even notice it.

02:06:24.000 Doesn't even think about it.

02:06:26.000 Some of these guys will put you up in an apartment just for when they're back in town.

02:06:30.000 That's a good move.

02:06:30.000 Yeah.

02:06:31.000 Solid.

02:06:32.000 It's also super baller, right?

02:06:33.000 Super baller.

02:06:34.000 Three cars flying in on a plane.

02:06:36.000 He's getting his feet done the entire time.

02:06:39.000 Smoking a vape pen with sunglasses on.

02:06:42.000 He's getting a pedicure on the plane.

02:06:45.000 Right.

02:06:45.000 And just setting it up.

02:06:46.000 He's got a phone on the plane.

02:06:47.000 You can have phones on planes.

02:06:49.000 Remember?

02:06:49.000 We used to always have phones on planes.

02:06:51.000 Did we?

02:06:52.000 Yes!

02:06:52.000 Oh, yeah, that's right.

02:06:53.000 You could use it. 0.96

02:06:53.000 It cost $100 or something ridiculous. 0.96

02:06:55.000 That's right. 0.91

02:06:55.000 You can call people. 0.91

02:06:56.000 Remember that?

02:06:57.000 It was in between your seats.

02:06:58.000 It was super common.

02:06:59.000 He's calling three people in Hollywood.

02:07:01.000 That's all he's got to do. 0.99

02:07:02.000 One gets the bitches. 1.00

02:07:03.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:07:03.000 One gets his place prepped. 0.99

02:07:06.000 And it's all set up for him.

02:07:08.000 He just shows up.

02:07:09.000 Yeah.

02:07:10.000 They tell him which cool bar he's got to go to, which restaurant.

02:07:14.000 He's tipping everybody $100 bills.

02:07:16.000 He probably has a nickname for himself, like the Raptor.

02:07:18.000 Yeah.

02:07:20.000 Calls people up.

02:07:21.000 The raptor is in the air.

02:07:23.000 Prepare yourself.

02:07:24.000 Here he is.

02:07:25.000 Look at him.

02:07:25.000 Oh my god, I called this guy.

02:07:27.000 This is the guy I called.

02:07:28.000 He's got a gold and...

02:07:30.000 What kind of gun is that?

02:07:32.000 It says, Rich Kids of Dubai.

02:07:34.000 So this kid's got some gold-plated automatic rifle.

02:07:37.000 He's sucking on, is that a vape pen or a hookah? 0.93

02:07:40.000 Looks like a hookah. 0.95

02:07:41.000 That's the hookah.

02:07:42.000 The gun is the hookah?

02:07:43.000 Oh my god, you're right.

02:07:44.000 Oh, so it's not a real gun.

02:07:46.000 Of course it's not.

02:07:47.000 So that's his hookah, and he's on a plane.

02:07:48.000 So he's smoking a hookah on a plane, or is that a limo?

02:07:51.000 It's a limo.

02:07:51.000 That's a car door next to his leg.

02:07:53.000 I thought it was an actual plane.

02:07:55.000 But I mean, that's him.

02:07:56.000 Wait, you talk to him?

02:07:58.000 No, no.

02:07:58.000 I make this guy up, and he's real.

02:08:00.000 Right.

02:08:01.000 I made him up, but he exists.

02:08:02.000 Yep.

02:08:03.000 Rich Kids of Dubai.

02:08:04.000 I didn't know that that was an Instagram page.

02:08:06.000 It's not a super popular.

02:08:07.000 It's the Rich Kids of Beverly Hills or whatever.

02:08:09.000 What's that watch worth?

02:08:11.000 I don't know if watches that well. 1.00

02:08:12.000 Fuck, man. 1.00

02:08:13.000 You'd have to talk to someone who understands them. 1.00

02:08:16.000 Because that's another big contest, I'm sure, is what your watch is worth.

02:08:19.000 Oh, yeah.

02:08:20.000 That's a big thing with those types of gentlemen.

02:08:23.000 And what kind of car you have.

02:08:25.000 What year your car is.

02:08:27.000 I wonder what the most sought after woman is among those guys.

02:08:30.000 Whites.

02:08:31.000 Blonde, white.

02:08:32.000 Blonde, whites.

02:08:33.000 Trumpy looking girls. 0.58

02:08:34.000 Yeah.

02:08:36.000 Like maybe they'll really turn out a Kansas girl. 0.65

02:08:41.000 Like Daisy Dukes.

02:08:42.000 Yeah.

02:08:42.000 Cowboy hat and one of those flannel shirts that ties in a knot.

02:08:46.000 Yeah.

02:08:46.000 She's got boots and he pulls his bigotty Veyron to some Texas gas station right when she's buying worms because she's fixing to go fishing.

02:08:54.000 Yeah.

02:08:56.000 He's like, what, you catch your own fish?

02:08:58.000 I have plenty of fish.

02:08:59.000 Come, my yacht.

02:09:00.000 Look at that guy.

02:09:03.000 How many of them speak English?

02:09:05.000 And how many of them are Russian?

02:09:07.000 I need answers.

02:09:08.000 I need answers.

02:09:11.000 Yeah, man.

02:09:12.000 These guys ballin'.

02:09:13.000 Don't hate.

02:09:14.000 Jamie, you hatin'?

02:09:15.000 A lot of hating on there. 1.00

02:09:16.000 Just whores. 1.00

02:09:17.000 Bunch of mucky sluts. 1.00

02:09:19.000 I love guys that write stuff like that. 1.00

02:09:21.000 Like, you would kill to hug one of those girls. 1.00

02:09:24.000 How about this dirty bitch? 1.00

02:09:26.000 I want to join you ladies. 1.00

02:09:29.000 Yeah.

02:09:31.000 See, folks?

02:09:32.000 It takes every kind of people.

02:09:34.000 That was a song, wasn't it?

02:09:35.000 It takes every kind of people.

02:09:39.000 What is that?

02:09:40.000 What are you just pulling out?

02:09:41.000 That was the girl who wanted to join.

02:09:43.000 Oh, well, don't be mean.

02:09:44.000 Go onto her page.

02:09:45.000 Don't blow her up. 0.99

02:09:47.000 She's a freak. 1.00

02:09:48.000 You can't stop freaks.

02:09:49.000 Yeah, that's a whole thing, those clubs that entertain those types of people.

02:09:56.000 Oh, yeah.

02:09:56.000 They have to change that.

02:09:58.000 It's always got a new name every three years.

02:10:00.000 It's always like one word, utopia or whatever.

02:10:04.000 And they have to do multi-million dollar renovations.

02:10:08.000 Have to.

02:10:09.000 Or else people stop going there.

02:10:10.000 Yeah, and it's a known strategy.

02:10:13.000 But people are like, you know, Cockfest is opening.

02:10:16.000 It's opening next week.

02:10:17.000 You coming?

02:10:18.000 Cockfest.

02:10:19.000 Is that at Aria?

02:10:20.000 Yeah, it's amazing. 0.95

02:10:22.000 You know, DJ Fuckface is there. 0.96

02:10:24.000 DJ Fuckface left the trap? 0.99

02:10:26.000 Yeah, he's done with them. 1.00

02:10:28.000 They fucked him. 1.00

02:10:29.000 It's bullshit. 1.00

02:10:30.000 They scratched one of his records. 1.00

02:10:32.000 How much molly do you want? 0.99

02:10:35.000 They're, like, essentially, like, if Vegas had, like, a test, where you could test people for ecstasy, and if they failed, you wouldn't let them in the club, there'd be no one in their fucking clubs. 0.99

02:10:43.000 Like, it is a weird thing. 0.92

02:10:45.000 There's a lot of drinking, for sure, but the amount of people that are going to see those crazy DJ shows that they have in Vegas and probably mollying up out of their mind, probably, Jamie, what would you ask?

02:10:56.000 You're a young man.

02:10:57.000 What would you say?

02:10:58.000 How many people that are going to see these Vegas musical shows are doing ecstasy?

02:11:05.000 80 to 90 percent.

02:11:06.000 That's what I'm talking about.

02:11:07.000 For sure.

02:11:08.000 Not all of them, because there's people that don't, and they just want to do it, but almost all.

02:11:12.000 80 to 90 percent, son. 1.00

02:11:15.000 That shit fucks up your head, doesn't it? 1.00

02:11:16.000 Yes. 1.00

02:11:17.000 Molly?

02:11:18.000 Allegedly. 0.84

02:11:18.000 I heard you crash the next day really hard because your brain has been just soaked in... 0.84

02:11:24.000 What are the chemicals you get soaked in?

02:11:27.000 You get dopamine, son.

02:11:29.000 Dopamine.

02:11:29.000 Then you get withdrawal from it, right, the next day?

02:11:31.000 Look at this.

02:11:32.000 XS Las Vegas unveils $10 million makeover. 0.99

02:11:37.000 Holy shit, look at that place. 0.99

02:11:38.000 That's like the Ice Palace in Frozen. 1.00

02:11:41.000 Let it go.

02:11:43.000 Let it go.

02:11:44.000 Can't hold me back anymore.

02:11:47.000 It's like one of those pools where you just stand in, like Ian Edwards' joke.

02:11:51.000 You don't swim in that pool.

02:11:53.000 That's hilarious, that place.

02:11:55.000 It's awesome.

02:11:56.000 Yeah, I did Ecstasy once.

02:11:59.000 And I never did it again. 0.92

02:12:00.000 It fucked me up. 1.00

02:12:02.000 I had a great time when I was on it, though, and I learned a lot of shit. 1.00

02:12:05.000 Learned a lot of shit about, like, it just dissolves insecurities. 0.99

02:12:09.000 Like, they're gone. 0.99

02:12:10.000 And it, like, gives you, like, an insight into, like, the structure of the building of your personality.

02:12:17.000 Like, it takes away the walls.

02:12:18.000 And you're like, oh, here's a support frame.

02:12:20.000 And this is, like, the doorway that everything goes through.

02:12:22.000 Like, oh, okay, I get it.

02:12:24.000 So, like, insecurity is all this, like, guard that's, like, constantly on the lookout for your peace of mind and for your...

02:12:33.000 Ego.

02:12:34.000 Your self-esteem.

02:12:36.000 Yeah.

02:12:36.000 And for your relaxation.

02:12:37.000 Like, I got you covered.

02:12:39.000 I got you covered.

02:12:39.000 So this thing is, like, this tension is around you all the time.

02:12:42.000 And it manifests itself in a bunch of different ways, and one of them is insecurity.

02:12:46.000 And when you take that initial ecstasy experience and it dissolves that feeling, you go, oh... 0.96

02:12:53.000 There's a lot of weird shit that people trip on for no reason. 0.98

02:12:56.000 And me, weird shit that I would trip on for no reason. 0.99

02:13:00.000 That makes you wonder, how much time am I wasting with these really poor thoughts? 0.99

02:13:05.000 How much energy?

02:13:06.000 Yeah, so much energy.

02:13:08.000 I was thinking the other day, what is it like to work at the National Enquirer?

02:13:13.000 When you talk about blowing out massive amounts of energy on nonsense, I was at the counter, I was picking up some fruit, and I went to the supermarket, and I stopped in the line to put my stuff on, and there's this National Enquirer thing that says,

02:13:29.000 I sold Coke to Matt Lauer.

02:13:37.000 And below it, it says, Larry King.

02:13:39.000 It says, like, Larry King's wife caught cheating on him.

02:13:42.000 And then there was another one.

02:13:43.000 There was some other scandal on it, too.

02:13:44.000 It was like, this is hilarious. 1.00

02:13:46.000 You think Larry King gives a fuck if his wife is getting laid? 1.00

02:13:49.000 He'll probably pay the cab fare. 1.00

02:13:52.000 You shit me? 1.00

02:13:54.000 So he doesn't have to disappoint her one night? 1.00

02:13:57.000 I don't know, man.

02:13:58.000 You deserve it!

02:14:00.000 I don't know.

02:14:00.000 Poor Larry.

02:14:01.000 I saw him on a show recently.

02:14:03.000 I think it was like Colbert.

02:14:04.000 Remember we were watching it, Jimmy?

02:14:06.000 What was that show that we were watching?

02:14:07.000 His body looks very strange.

02:14:10.000 Yeah.

02:14:10.000 Very strange.

02:14:11.000 He's curling, right?

02:14:12.000 Well, it's way worse than that.

02:14:13.000 It's, um...

02:14:15.000 There's something going on where there's no tissue in between his bones.

02:14:19.000 Yeah.

02:14:20.000 So, like, when he sits there, he'll, like, sit down.

02:14:23.000 Everything just sort of collapses like a folding chair and assumes these weird angles.

02:14:28.000 Like, he's sitting there and he's got, like, one arm up.

02:14:30.000 Like, look at that.

02:14:31.000 Look at that picture right there.

02:14:32.000 Yeah.

02:14:33.000 That's one, but there was another one when he was on the couch.

02:14:36.000 I want to say he was on the couch of the Colbert show.

02:14:38.000 I want to say that's what he was doing. 0.89

02:14:41.000 Um, and it was just fucking strange to look at, like, oh, Larry, like, you gotta lift some weights. 0.85

02:14:46.000 Like, you gotta do some yoga or something. 0.99

02:14:49.000 He's old as shit, though, isn't he? 0.99

02:14:50.000 How much older is he than Stallone? 1.00

02:14:52.000 Oh, much older.

02:14:53.000 How much?

02:14:54.000 I gotta think Larry King's 85 years old.

02:14:57.000 Hmm, really?

02:15:00.000 Stallone is what, 65?

02:15:01.000 70?

02:15:03.000 Oh, he's 82. Wow.

02:15:06.000 He looks great.

02:15:07.000 He's worth $1.5 billion.

02:15:11.000 Wow. 1.00

02:15:12.000 Holy shit. 1.00

02:15:13.000 I didn't know he had that kind of bank. 1.00

02:15:14.000 Powerful Larry King.

02:15:15.000 No wonder why he doesn't care if his wife cheats on him. 1.00

02:15:17.000 It's like, who gives a fuck? 1.00

02:15:18.000 I'm over here cumming on money. 1.00

02:15:20.000 Right. 0.99

02:15:24.000 That's a lot of money.

02:15:26.000 He still works.

02:15:27.000 He likes it, I guess.

02:15:28.000 He loves it.

02:15:29.000 I saw him in the Sirius building one day.

02:15:31.000 I mean, there were not a lot of high-profile shows there, and he's there doing interviews.

02:15:37.000 Yeah.

02:15:37.000 He's an interesting guy, man.

02:15:39.000 That's his wife? 0.98

02:15:40.000 Yep.

02:15:41.000 Would you hit it?

02:15:42.000 X-rated cheating scale.

02:15:44.000 Not if he's involved.

02:15:46.000 Don't go to that page.

02:15:47.000 How dare you?

02:15:48.000 You're about to click, you little gossiper. 0.57

02:15:50.000 Um...

02:15:52.000 What I was getting at is that, like, imagine working in a place where that's all you're doing, constantly, like, where is the dirt?

02:15:59.000 Where is it?

02:16:00.000 Well, it's almost like they just take darts and they have two different targets, and one is the person and the other one is the activity. 0.99

02:16:06.000 Well, also, they're allowed to make shit up. 0.98

02:16:10.000 All they have to say is, a source told us. 0.99

02:16:13.000 Yeah.

02:16:13.000 That's all they have to say.

02:16:14.000 Yeah.

02:16:15.000 And they're protected.

02:16:15.000 Source told us, Adam Sandler was shoplifting.

02:16:20.000 Yeah. 0.82

02:16:20.000 Tells us that Bette Midler is anorexic. 0.82

02:16:23.000 And they get sued all the time.

02:16:27.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:16:27.000 For making shit up. 1.00

02:16:28.000 Don't fuck with Scientologists, because they come hard. 1.00

02:16:31.000 Dude, they come hard. 1.00

02:16:32.000 Well, they went after the Sun-Times in England.

02:16:35.000 With the Sun-Times print? 0.92

02:16:37.000 Well, I think that's Rupert Murdoch's company, that he was gay. 1.00

02:16:40.000 Whoa. 0.99

02:16:41.000 How rude. 0.99

02:16:41.000 And Scientology fucking took him deep. 0.99

02:16:43.000 How rude. 1.00

02:16:44.000 Yeah.

02:16:46.000 How rude.

02:16:49.000 Don't say anything.

02:16:51.000 You don't have the pockets to say anything right now.

02:16:54.000 It's just so funny.

02:16:58.000 We should write a paper like that.

02:17:00.000 Just about comedians, though.

02:17:03.000 How so?

02:17:03.000 Just dirt on comedians.

02:17:05.000 Just make shit up. 1.00

02:17:06.000 Make shit up? 1.00

02:17:06.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:17:07.000 What would we call it?

02:17:08.000 Comedy Inquirer?

02:17:09.000 Just rip them off?

02:17:10.000 Yeah.

02:17:11.000 You kind of find the link to the article, but when you click on it, it's gone.

02:17:16.000 Lawsuit claims. 0.99

02:17:17.000 Oh, no shit. 0.99

02:17:17.000 Which article? 0.99

02:17:19.000 The Scientologists even took down articles about the lawsuit.

02:17:23.000 It's off the Sun-Times website.

02:17:25.000 Wow. 0.96

02:17:25.000 Well, they probably sued the shit out of somebody. 0.96

02:17:31.000 How about the, uh, what's that, um, Gawker went out of business because of that one lawsuit.

02:17:37.000 Because of Bubba the Love Sponge.

02:17:39.000 Yeah, because of, uh, Hulk Hogan.

02:17:40.000 Yeah. 0.95

02:17:41.000 Banged his wife. 0.98

02:17:42.000 But one lawsuit.

02:17:43.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:17:43.000 Fucking, I mean, that was a big industry. 0.99

02:17:45.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:17:46.000 One lawsuit took him down.

02:17:48.000 Yeah.

02:17:49.000 Didn't they get hit for over a hundred million bucks?

02:17:51.000 Something like that. 1.00

02:17:52.000 Just because they showed his cock? 1.00

02:17:54.000 140 million. 1.00

02:17:55.000 Was it a video?

02:17:56.000 It was a video, right?

02:17:58.000 It was a video, but they put up brand stories about it.

02:18:00.000 Well, where'd the video come from?

02:18:01.000 There was also some really defiant statements.

02:18:05.000 Someone asked him about underage girls.

02:18:09.000 Wasn't there a question like that?

02:18:11.000 I think he said something about black guys or something.

02:18:12.000 Hulk Hogan?

02:18:13.000 Yeah.

02:18:13.000 No, no, no.

02:18:14.000 Not that.

02:18:14.000 That was something else.

02:18:15.000 That was a different thing.

02:18:16.000 What I'm talking about is what they asked him, like, at what age would you not release that video?

02:18:23.000 Yeah, the guy who got sued, the Gawker guy.

02:18:26.000 Oh, yeah.

02:18:27.000 They asked him something and he gave this really defiant response.

02:18:32.000 You know, like, I put it up.

02:18:35.000 I put it up.

02:18:35.000 I definitely put it up.

02:18:36.000 I forget what it was.

02:18:38.000 But I remember listening to it, like, ooh, they're going to get this guy.

02:18:41.000 You can't just do that.

02:18:43.000 You can't even say you put an underage sex tape up.

02:18:46.000 People are like, oh, you're just out of control.

02:18:49.000 What did he say?

02:18:50.000 Okay.

02:18:52.000 Yeah, he's down.

02:18:53.000 And then they sued him personally, too.

02:18:56.000 Hulk Hogan sued him personally for like $35 million, and then sued Gawker for like $100 and whatever million.

02:19:02.000 And then Bubba sued also.

02:19:04.000 Imagine Bubba the Love Sponge coming after you. 1.00

02:19:06.000 Holy shit. 1.00

02:19:07.000 I'll give you whatever you want right now. 1.00

02:19:09.000 Yeah.

02:19:11.000 You ever done his show?

02:19:12.000 He's a good guy. 0.99

02:19:12.000 He's fucking great. 0.99

02:19:13.000 He's a great guy. 0.99

02:19:14.000 I did his show one time, and I walk in, and I just come in on a red eye.

02:19:18.000 And I walk into the studio, and it's out in the middle of nowhere. 0.99

02:19:22.000 It's like in the fucking brambles. 0.98

02:19:24.000 And you go in, it's like a shack. 0.99

02:19:26.000 And you walk in, and there's some PAs, and they're smoking a joint.

02:19:30.000 They get me high.

02:19:32.000 Everybody's drinking Pabst Blue Ribbon.

02:19:34.000 There's a midget on the couch, little person on the couch, who's pissed himself. 1.00

02:19:39.000 And I go inside. 0.94

02:19:40.000 It was like training day.

02:19:42.000 I go inside and Bubba pulls out a 12-gauge handgun.

02:19:46.000 An Israeli handgun. 0.99

02:19:48.000 And he starts waving it around and everybody fucking runs out of the studio. 1.00

02:19:52.000 I go, you're just fucking around, right? 0.99

02:19:54.000 And then everybody runs. 0.99

02:19:55.000 I was like, maybe he's not fucking around. 0.99

02:19:57.000 And he had a... 0.99

02:20:11.000 Wow! 1.00

02:20:20.000 Holy shit. 1.00

02:20:21.000 He's the best! 0.99

02:20:22.000 Later asked by an attorney for Hogan if there was a situation in which a celebrity tape might not be newsworthy.

02:20:27.000 DeLario responded, if they were a child.

02:20:30.000 The attorney then asked him to specify a child or under what age.

02:20:34.000 DeLario responded, four.

02:20:36.000 No! 1.00

02:20:41.000 Cases are won and lost on shit like that. 1.00

02:20:43.000 It wasn't about Hulk. 1.00

02:20:44.000 I didn't think it was that young.

02:20:47.000 I thought he was talking about a 14 year old.

02:20:49.000 My brain was probably so disturbed by that, I turned it into 14. That is disturbing.

02:20:56.000 Shit. 1.00

02:20:58.000 He's probably on coke. 1.00

02:20:59.000 Let the guy go.

02:21:00.000 He's probably doing antidepressants, lots of cocaine, running a thing like Gawker.

02:21:05.000 You gotta be wired up.

02:21:06.000 Gotta be on edge.

02:21:07.000 Yeah, it's like that guy who used to do the Spring Break videos.

02:21:14.000 Remember that guy?

02:21:15.000 Spring Break videos.

02:21:17.000 Girls Gone Wild. 1.00

02:21:19.000 Remember, he was fucking wired, too. 0.99

02:21:22.000 Same kind of an operation. 1.00

02:21:24.000 Just couldn't stop, couldn't get enough, couldn't say fuck you to the press and the public enough. 1.00

02:21:29.000 He was a renegade. 1.00

02:21:31.000 Well, that guy was kidnapped in his house. 0.98

02:21:34.000 Like, his house was broken into, and he got raped. 0.99

02:21:37.000 Like, a guy raped him with a dildo. 0.99

02:21:39.000 Because he had videotaped his girlfriend or something? 1.00

02:21:42.000 Probably.

02:21:43.000 Something along those lines.

02:21:43.000 I think I heard it was his sister.

02:21:44.000 What?

02:21:45.000 I think I heard it was his sister they got. 1.00

02:21:46.000 They, like, sodomized the guy and made him say some shit on video. 0.99

02:21:49.000 So he did something to this guy's sister? 0.99

02:21:51.000 Is that what he's saying?

02:21:51.000 I think so.

02:21:52.000 I'll find the story.

02:21:53.000 Of course that's going to happen.

02:21:54.000 You live a life like that, that's going to happen one day.

02:21:57.000 Yeah, it's probably going to happen.

02:21:59.000 Well, it definitely happened.

02:22:02.000 Wow.

02:22:03.000 Girls Gone Wild.

02:22:04.000 Remember that?

02:22:05.000 There was a moment where that was... 0.99

02:22:06.000 If you tried to do something like that today, no one would give a fuck. 0.99

02:22:10.000 You mean the internet? 0.99

02:22:11.000 Is that what you're saying?

02:22:12.000 Girls Gone Wild? 0.99

02:22:13.000 There's plenty of shit that you could watch that's way more crazy than Girls Gone Wild that you would never have to pay for. 0.99

02:22:18.000 And you wouldn't have to get releases for it. 0.99

02:22:20.000 There was a brief window in time.

02:22:21.000 A brief window where you could just run through.

02:22:24.000 And that guy ran through and sold videos that you could buy late night on a website.

02:22:30.000 Girls gone wild. 0.97

02:22:31.000 And you would watch these videos and people would pay for them. 0.80

02:22:35.000 I mean, I can remember jerking off to the commercials.

02:22:37.000 They were so good. 1.00

02:22:38.000 Guy broke into his house, pulled his pants down, strategically placed a dildo in his ass. 1.00

02:22:43.000 Strategically? 1.00

02:22:43.000 I don't think there's a strategy involved, folks. 1.00

02:22:46.000 You are really loosely using the word strategy.

02:22:49.000 Ha ha ha!

02:22:50.000 Well, I've got a diagram, and there's a theory, Einstein's theory.

02:22:55.000 Whoa, they found the guy?

02:22:57.000 It says the masked man who later turned out to be sexy in...

02:23:01.000 Why isn't sexy?

02:23:03.000 Why is that?

02:23:04.000 Sexy Hollywood con man Darnell Riley then tried to blackmail Francis for up to $500,000 for the tape, and he would have gotten away with it too if it wasn't for Paris Hilton, who was also being blackmailed by Riley.

02:23:17.000 Wow. 0.99

02:23:17.000 Holy shit. 0.99

02:23:18.000 She was an idiot who befriended him, and he introduced him... 1.00

02:23:22.000 And introduced him to a social circle to begin with. 1.00

02:23:25.000 With Paris' help, police were able to arrest Riley, who copped a plea and is currently serving eight years in prison for robbery and extortion.

02:23:32.000 The irony is that he'll probably be a free man in a few years, while Francis will likely be serving a term on tax evasion charges.

02:23:39.000 What year is this?

02:23:40.000 This is 2008. He's not in jail for that.

02:23:42.000 Oh, okay.

02:23:43.000 So this guy's out too then for eight years. 1.00

02:23:46.000 I wonder if some guys were strategically putting dicks in his ass. 1.00

02:23:50.000 Probably. 1.00

02:23:50.000 Strategically. 1.00

02:23:51.000 Why do you say this guy is...

02:23:52.000 The whole thing is weird.

02:23:54.000 So they met a con man. 1.00

02:23:57.000 The con man found out where Joe Francis lived and fucked him in the ass with a dildo. 1.00

02:24:01.000 Wow. 1.00

02:24:01.000 How rude. 1.00

02:24:03.000 Speaking of Florida, can I plug my dates this weekend?

02:24:05.000 I like how you did it.

02:24:07.000 Yeah, please do.

02:24:08.000 We were talking before the show.

02:24:10.000 Is this week you're doing the improv in Fort Lauderdale?

02:24:14.000 It's a great room.

02:24:15.000 It's a great room, the 8th through the 10th of September.

02:24:17.000 I'll be down there.

02:24:18.000 Fun room.

02:24:19.000 It is.

02:24:20.000 It's rowdy.

02:24:21.000 Yeah, it's a fun gig.

02:24:22.000 I'm not a big fan of casinos.

02:24:24.000 No.

02:24:24.000 We've talked about that before the show started, like the Indian casinos, Native American casinos.

02:24:29.000 They're dark.

02:24:29.000 There's something bizarre about them.

02:24:32.000 Yeah.

02:24:32.000 And when you gotta walk through that every night to get to the show, you show up with a weird vibe.

02:24:37.000 You've absorbed a lot of different energies walking through that room. 0.99

02:24:40.000 I stayed at the Hard Rock last time I was in Orlando, and this couple next to me was fucking the shit out of each other. 1.00

02:24:47.000 You could hear it? 0.99

02:24:47.000 Oh, it was great. 0.99

02:24:48.000 Yeah, it was great.

02:24:50.000 This guy was laying some pipe.

02:24:51.000 I wish I met him in the hallway.

02:24:52.000 I'd give him knuckles. 0.51

02:24:53.000 Yeah, but what if the door opened and he came out? 1.00

02:24:55.000 Oh, he's trying to fuck me, too? 1.00

02:24:56.000 And then another dude came out. 1.00

02:24:57.000 Oh, he's trying to fuck me, too? 1.00

02:24:57.000 He's like, I'm here to fuck you, too. 1.00

02:24:58.000 I'm here to fuck. 1.00

02:25:00.000 She's done. 1.00

02:25:01.000 No, like, he was pounding it, like, bam, bam.

02:25:04.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:25:04.000 And she's like, oh, fuck me, baby. 1.00

02:25:06.000 Oh, fuck me, baby. 1.00

02:25:07.000 Oh, fuck me, baby. 1.00

02:25:08.000 Oh, fuck me, baby. 1.00

02:25:09.000 I was like, whoa. 1.00

02:25:10.000 Yeah.

02:25:11.000 It was going on for quite a while, so I was like, this guy is really laying some pipe. 0.99

02:25:15.000 That's fucking great. 0.97

02:25:17.000 Yeah, he definitely took vitamins. 0.99

02:25:18.000 He was definitely in shape.

02:25:19.000 Yeah.

02:25:19.000 He was pounding her for a while.

02:25:21.000 But I was like, there's something about that.

02:25:23.000 Well, you ever have a cat?

02:25:24.000 Cats will, like, hide under a couch, but their tail's hanging out.

02:25:28.000 Right. 1.00

02:25:28.000 Like, bitch, I see you. 1.00

02:25:29.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:25:30.000 While you pretend you're hiding. 0.98

02:25:33.000 When someone's fucking in a hotel like that, yeah, alright, no one's around. 0.99

02:25:36.000 No, everybody can hear you. 0.99

02:25:37.000 Everybody can hear everything you say.

02:25:39.000 Everybody can hear you.

02:25:40.000 You're basically broadcasting to the people above you, below you, and to each side.

02:25:44.000 I've stood outside doors.

02:25:46.000 For sure.

02:25:46.000 I have.

02:25:47.000 I've walked next door and stood right outside the door.

02:25:50.000 Yeah, just listen.

02:25:51.000 You get the double door, connecting rooms, and you open your door.

02:25:55.000 Yeah.

02:25:55.000 Get a glass.

02:25:56.000 Yeah.

02:25:57.000 Put your pants down.

02:26:02.000 Also, Cleveland, the 8th through the 10th of September.

02:26:04.000 So what day is this Hollywood Improv date again?

02:26:05.000 That's going to be the 1st through the 4th of September.

02:26:08.000 That's this weekend, Greg Fitzsimmons.

02:26:10.000 Who are you working with?

02:26:12.000 A couple of white guys, if it's Florida, I would imagine.

02:26:16.000 Oh, do you know the guys?

02:26:17.000 White guys. 0.81

02:26:20.000 Should be the title of your new special, White People in Florida. 0.79

02:26:27.000 Cleveland, September 8th through the 10th at Hilarity's.

02:26:30.000 Good gig?

02:26:31.000 Good gig.

02:26:32.000 Good restaurant.

02:26:33.000 Really?

02:26:33.000 Nick Costas runs the place.

02:26:35.000 He makes the best, probably best food of any comedy club in the country.

02:26:39.000 That's strong words.

02:26:40.000 Where else do you think there's good food?

02:26:41.000 Mike Lacey's Comedy Magic Club.

02:26:43.000 Oh yeah, that's good.

02:26:44.000 It's excellent.

02:26:45.000 It's like a great restaurant.

02:26:46.000 Right.

02:26:46.000 Flappers?

02:26:47.000 What about Flappers?

02:26:48.000 I haven't eaten at Flappers.

02:26:49.000 Oh, yeah, I did.

02:26:49.000 No, I ate at Flappers once.

02:26:50.000 Yeah, Flappers is really good, too.

02:26:52.000 Yeah.

02:26:52.000 Yeah, there's a few places.

02:26:54.000 Remember when the Improv tried to do a barbecue joint? 0.99

02:26:56.000 They tried to have, like, fake fucking... 0.99

02:26:57.000 Oh, yeah. 1.00

02:26:58.000 Fake old Westy shit in the front. 0.99

02:26:59.000 They called it the Roadhouse. 0.99

02:27:01.000 Yeah, they had, like, rusty saws on the wall and stuff.

02:27:05.000 That's like, where'd this theme come from?

02:27:07.000 What are you doing?

02:27:08.000 What corporate meeting dreamed up this idea?

02:27:10.000 I know this isn't a farm.

02:27:12.000 Yeah. 0.53

02:27:13.000 Am I retarded? 0.95

02:27:15.000 I'll just put some hay in the corner. 0.68

02:27:16.000 I think you just wrapped back with the hay field.

02:27:19.000 We're just feeding the cow and I came in with some fresh barbecue.

02:27:23.000 Who's in?

02:27:24.000 Make sure the waitresses take one side of that overall off the shoulder. 1.00

02:27:28.000 Popper's drunk at the bar.

02:27:29.000 You're like, Gene, what are you doing in the Wild West?

02:27:34.000 What are you doing out here with the cowpokes and our barbecued sandwiches and our fancy old western bar?

02:27:41.000 Look!

02:27:42.000 This board's weathered! 0.99

02:27:45.000 This is some old shitty wood! 0.97

02:27:52.000 There's a little hitching post out front. 0.98

02:27:55.000 Yeah, you show up with some shoes that were professionally scuffed.

02:27:58.000 Yeah.

02:27:59.000 You brought them to these poor immigrant children, and they just threw rocks at your shoes. 1.00

02:28:04.000 Yeah.

02:28:05.000 Go play soccer in these for an hour.

02:28:07.000 Until they look like you're a man of the world.

02:28:10.000 A worldly man.

02:28:12.000 Then don't forget...

02:28:16.000 Calgary.

02:28:16.000 You like Calgary?

02:28:17.000 Alberta. 0.99

02:28:17.000 Fucking love it up there. 0.99

02:28:18.000 September 22 through 24 at Yuck Yucks. 0.95

02:28:21.000 Oh, good gig. 0.99

02:28:22.000 Oh, shit, yeah. 1.00

02:28:23.000 That's a good gig. 1.00

02:28:25.000 Calgary's fun.

02:28:25.000 Podcast Festival on the 25th.

02:28:28.000 Oh, there's a festival up there?

02:28:28.000 No, this is going to be back in L.A. Oh.

02:28:30.000 On September 25th.

02:28:32.000 That'll do it.

02:28:33.000 I like how you did that.

02:28:34.000 You went Podcast Festival.

02:28:35.000 It's confusing.

02:28:36.000 It gives them the thinking.

02:28:39.000 Like, is this in Cleveland, too?

02:28:40.000 Right.

02:28:40.000 And then you say, in L.A. You're like, oh, now I have to rethink everything.

02:28:44.000 Oh, it's in L.A. I try to take people on my journey.

02:28:48.000 Here's what my life is going to be for the next 30 days.

02:28:51.000 It's going to be lonely.

02:28:53.000 It's going to be lonely.

02:28:54.000 You should bring guys on the road with you.

02:28:55.000 I know.

02:28:56.000 Well, actually, Cleveland I am.

02:28:59.000 J.F. Harris is opening for me in Cleveland.

02:29:01.000 That'll be great.

02:29:02.000 You know that guy?

02:29:02.000 J.F. Harris.

02:29:03.000 I probably have met him.

02:29:04.000 Yeah, good guy.

02:29:05.000 Good guy.

02:29:06.000 Is he a improv guy? 1.00

02:29:06.000 Good fucking comic. 1.00

02:29:07.000 No, he just moved here. 1.00

02:29:08.000 From where?

02:29:09.000 He was living in the Midwest.

02:29:11.000 I can't remember which city he was in.

02:29:13.000 There's so many new guys here now.

02:29:14.000 There's like a guy, you see someone a couple of times like, ah, that dude.

02:29:18.000 Right.

02:29:18.000 Hey, what's up?

02:29:19.000 Right.

02:29:19.000 You know, I know you.

02:29:20.000 What's up?

02:29:20.000 Like you've worked with them on the road?

02:29:22.000 Or no, you've seen them at the improv.

02:29:23.000 There's always new people now.

02:29:25.000 The comedy business, as far as the amount of comics, I don't think there's ever been more of us.

02:29:31.000 No.

02:29:31.000 Right?

02:29:32.000 Wouldn't you think?

02:29:33.000 Well, there's a ton of rooms.

02:29:34.000 There's a lot more people making a living at it, that's for sure.

02:29:36.000 Yeah.

02:29:37.000 Which means there's more people in Toronto.

02:29:38.000 Plus, you've got that whole...

02:29:42.000 UCB mechanism that creates comedy by making classes of people learn comedy. 0.99

02:29:49.000 And then they all start going out to the clubs in massive waves like fucking crabs running into the ocean. 0.99

02:29:59.000 Sea turtles. 0.98

02:30:02.000 Yeah, there's a lot that escape.

02:30:03.000 And they don't have real commitment.

02:30:05.000 They just are doing it because they've blocked out this time before they get a sitcom writing job or before they go into auditioning for movies.

02:30:14.000 There's just this period that they're going to do stand-up.

02:30:16.000 There's a thing that drives real comics crazy, and it's that.

02:30:21.000 Guys like you, guys like... 1.00

02:30:24.000 Maren brings that shit up. 1.00

02:30:25.000 There's a lot of guys that get real upset. 0.99

02:30:27.000 Like people with ulterior motives that also do stand-up.

02:30:31.000 Yeah.

02:30:31.000 It's like stand-up is this sacred thing that must...

02:30:33.000 You must commit yourself only to this art.

02:30:36.000 Yeah.

02:30:38.000 Like, it's some dark art. 1.00

02:30:39.000 Like, yeah, they're going to try it out for a while, and then they're going to move on to other things, those fucking losers. 0.99

02:30:46.000 It's like I'm a middle-aged woman in a bar, some honky-tonk, and guys use me a lot. 1.00

02:30:51.000 I just want to meet a husband.

02:30:53.000 I just want to meet a good man, and I just don't know why. 0.77

02:30:56.000 I keep winding up with fellers like you coming in my mouth. 0.96

02:31:01.000 This is just not what I wanted.

02:31:02.000 It's not what I wanted.

02:31:03.000 I know it's what happened.

02:31:05.000 I pull my head off when you jam it back down.

02:31:10.000 I just want love.

02:31:13.000 I'll give the head, but I just want some kids too.

02:31:16.000 Oh, it's too late, baby.

02:31:18.000 You're 56. No, no, no, no, no.

02:31:20.000 There's a woman in Russia.

02:31:21.000 She's 64 years old.

02:31:22.000 She just had a baby.

02:31:23.000 She had her first baby, naturally.

02:31:25.000 Natural childbirth through the Lord, and she drank a lot of kefir. 0.99

02:31:28.000 You ever heard of that?

02:31:29.000 It's a culture.

02:31:30.000 It's like a yogurt.

02:31:31.000 It's real good for your digestive system.

02:31:33.000 Makes you ripe as a peach.

02:31:35.000 Baby, I know I got three or four eggs left.

02:31:37.000 I had a period last summer.

02:31:41.000 Meanwhile, it was a hemorrhage.

02:31:43.000 It's a blood clot.

02:31:44.000 A cyst burst.

02:31:48.000 Just a polyp.

02:31:49.000 It wasn't a period, it was a polyp. 1.00

02:31:51.000 Just a deep hemorrhoid that leaked from her asshole into her vagina through the wall. 1.00

02:31:56.000 It's such a heavy flow. 1.00

02:31:59.000 It's just pouring out of her asshole. 1.00

02:32:01.000 She's sticking tampons in. 1.00

02:32:04.000 Some residual, some of it. 1.00

02:32:06.000 I swear, this came out of my vagina. 1.00

02:32:08.000 I've been feeling cranky. 1.00

02:32:09.000 I'm heavier than ever.

02:32:12.000 Look how moody I am.

02:32:13.000 Look how bloated I am. 1.00

02:32:14.000 Yeah, because you just passed the fucking part of your spleen. 1.00

02:32:16.000 I had my period. 1.00

02:32:18.000 It just came through my butt. 1.00

02:32:23.000 I used to date this fella, and he had a hook-like dick, and I think he wore a hole in the wall of my vagina with his hooked dick, and that is where the blood... 1.00

02:32:31.000 He pierced me. 1.00

02:32:33.000 My vagina blood's just not coming out of my vagina, but I'm definitely having my period. 1.00

02:32:40.000 Yeah, sure I took it in the ass last night real hard, but that's not why I'm bleeding. 1.00

02:32:45.000 That was my choice. 0.99

02:32:47.000 It's that time of my month. 1.00

02:32:49.000 I just felt like, give him a treat.

02:32:54.000 What about she punctures herself so she can show him that she's bleeding? 0.59

02:32:57.000 No, look!

02:32:58.000 She's got pliers up there 10 minutes before. 1.00

02:33:02.000 Did you see that video of that woman? 0.99

02:33:04.000 She was suing her ex-fiance, some billionaire character, and they got video of her beating the shit out of herself on the bed. 1.00

02:33:11.000 No! 0.98

02:33:12.000 He put surveillance cameras in the bedroom. 1.00

02:33:15.000 No shit! 1.00

02:33:15.000 She's wailing on her own face in the bed. 1.00

02:33:18.000 Wow.

02:33:19.000 Like, wailing on herself.

02:33:20.000 That's awesome.

02:33:20.000 Sh-sh [...]-sh.

02:33:23.000 Screaming and kicking.

02:33:24.000 Wait, and who was the guy?

02:33:25.000 Some rich guy.

02:33:27.000 He was breaking it off with her. 1.00

02:33:28.000 She's like, oh yeah, motherfucker. 1.00

02:33:32.000 Well, what do you think? 1.00

02:33:33.000 Did you talk to Stanhope about that whole thing with...

02:33:35.000 Yeah, I did, but honestly...

02:33:37.000 What's your take on that?

02:33:38.000 He wasn't there.

02:33:41.000 Stanhope, he wasn't there when it all went down. 0.79

02:33:43.000 If he ever did really whack that chick in the head, I don't know if he did. 0.50

02:33:47.000 I wasn't there. 0.71

02:33:48.000 Look at this girl. 1.00

02:33:49.000 Look at this.

02:33:49.000 Show it again, Jamie.

02:33:53.000 But just show the beginning because the beginning is ridiculous.

02:33:55.000 Watch this. 0.90

02:33:56.000 Oh my god! 0.99

02:34:00.000 She's insane. 0.98

02:34:01.000 And then she starts throwing these tantrums and then doing it again. 1.00

02:34:04.000 And she does it a bunch of times. 1.00

02:34:05.000 Oh my god.

02:34:07.000 She just keeps wailing on her own face. 1.00

02:34:10.000 And screaming and yelling. 1.00

02:34:12.000 Damn! 1.00

02:34:13.000 That is a woman out of control! 1.00

02:34:16.000 And there's no one there. 1.00

02:34:17.000 She's doing that shit by herself. 1.00

02:34:18.000 Oh, she's making noise so the neighbors will hear it. 1.00

02:34:21.000 I don't know.

02:34:21.000 I don't know if she's doing that.

02:34:24.000 That's actually a smart move.

02:34:25.000 You open up all the windows.

02:34:26.000 Do it so the neighbors can hear it. 1.00

02:34:28.000 Beat the shit out of yourself. 1.00

02:34:29.000 The neighbors call the cops. 1.00

02:34:30.000 You come out.

02:34:31.000 He left.

02:34:31.000 He just left five minutes ago.

02:34:32.000 He just messed up.

02:34:34.000 Wow.

02:34:35.000 Meanwhile, he had surveillance cameras.

02:34:38.000 You get to see darkness sometimes and things like that.

02:34:41.000 Ooh, that's dark.

02:34:42.000 Yeah.

02:34:44.000 Ooh.

02:34:45.000 I beat myself up in jail once.

02:34:48.000 I got arrested for fighting. 1.00

02:34:50.000 And the cops were being fucking assholes and they wouldn't give me any food. 1.00

02:34:53.000 And then he reached in and he grabbed my hair because I was yelling at him. 1.00

02:34:58.000 And he bashed my head against the wall a couple times.

02:35:01.000 And I wasn't bleeding.

02:35:03.000 So then I punched myself in the side of the mouth and I made myself bleed.

02:35:08.000 And I got out and they just checked me out.

02:35:10.000 Nobody cared.

02:35:11.000 Wow.

02:35:12.000 There wasn't a big investigation.

02:35:13.000 Wow.

02:35:15.000 They just felt bad.

02:35:15.000 I like put it on my shirt.

02:35:17.000 Did you really?

02:35:18.000 How old were you?

02:35:19.000 Like 16. You clever fella.

02:35:22.000 Listen, there's a way to make this better.

02:35:24.000 I see an opening.

02:35:25.000 I'm gonna take it.

02:35:26.000 I'm gonna take the whole police force down. 1.00

02:35:29.000 Hey, he grabbed my fucking head. 1.00

02:35:31.000 I just can't prove it. 1.00

02:35:32.000 I feel justified in my embellishment.

02:35:34.000 I bet there weren't cameras back then.

02:35:37.000 The cameras they did have, they'd just draw with crayons.

02:35:40.000 Yeah.

02:35:41.000 They were terrible.

02:35:42.000 Looks like a sonogram.

02:35:44.000 Yeah, I mean, any surveillance system from the 1980s.

02:35:47.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:35:47.000 What kind of shit film was that? 0.99

02:35:49.000 You ever look at a VHS tape from the 1980s? 1.00

02:35:51.000 All right.

02:35:52.000 Oh, you remember that movie, Jamie?

02:35:54.000 That VHS movie?

02:35:55.000 That horror movie that people told me about that's awesome?

02:35:58.000 You ever see that movie?

02:36:00.000 VHS? It's like found footage.

02:36:02.000 Like, look what we found.

02:36:02.000 Not the something witch project?

02:36:05.000 No, no, no.

02:36:06.000 Blair Witch Project?

02:36:06.000 No, it's like that.

02:36:07.000 But VHS is just a horror movie.

02:36:10.000 But it has this one segment of it.

02:36:14.000 There's like three or four segments?

02:36:15.000 How many segments?

02:36:16.000 There's one segment where there's this girl, and she plays this demon that really loves this guy, and she's kind of hot, and she meets this guy at a bar, and she's just really strange, and they get back to an apartment, and they're all drinking, and this guy starts banging her,

02:36:33.000 and she turns into this demon and kills them all. 0.99

02:36:35.000 It's fucking wild. 1.00

02:36:37.000 And they've decided to make a whole movie. 0.98

02:36:39.000 It's the best part of the series, the VHS series by far.

02:36:43.000 So they decided to make a whole movie of it, of this one character.

02:36:46.000 Apparently it's out.

02:36:48.000 Isn't it called like Sirens or something like that?

02:36:51.000 Sirens was an Australian movie.

02:36:53.000 Well, there's a bunch of those Sirens movies, but I think this movie is called like Siren.

02:36:58.000 It might be Siren, and it might be on Netflix.

02:37:00.000 I can't imagine... 1.00

02:37:03.000 A deeper emotional change than fucking a girl and having her turn into a monster that's killing you. 1.00

02:37:10.000 You know what I mean? 1.00

02:37:11.000 It's so well done, too.

02:37:13.000 It's so fun.

02:37:13.000 One second, you're vulnerable, and you're feeling confident.

02:37:18.000 Sex is being in control, isn't it? 1.00

02:37:21.000 You're fucking, you're making her feel a certain way, and then all of a sudden the fangs come out, and your dick shrinks. 1.00

02:37:28.000 You gotta get out of there. 1.00

02:37:29.000 Well, that's part of the problem. 1.00

02:37:31.000 She fucks this guy, and she's fucking him, but she kills all his friends, but she likes him, and she keeps saying, I like you. 1.00

02:37:36.000 I like you. 1.00

02:37:37.000 She goes to suck his dick, and his dick is soft, and she gets upset. 1.00

02:37:41.000 And she's covered in blood. 1.00

02:37:42.000 She's covered in blood.

02:37:43.000 She's got giant teeth. 1.00

02:37:44.000 Her head is grown.

02:37:44.000 So her forehead is split down the middle.

02:37:46.000 Her skin is split down the middle. 0.58

02:37:47.000 Because her head is grown.

02:37:49.000 And she's got all these teeth. 1.00

02:37:50.000 And she's sucking his cock with his blood caked all over her face. 1.00

02:37:53.000 She's like, I like it. 1.00

02:37:54.000 No shit. 0.99

02:37:55.000 And she's like upset. 0.99

02:37:56.000 Why aren't you hard?

02:37:57.000 It's awesome.

02:37:59.000 It's awesome.

02:38:00.000 Is it like porn?

02:38:01.000 No, no, no.

02:38:01.000 You don't see it.

02:38:02.000 It's like from his perspective.

02:38:03.000 He has like glasses on where he can see it.

02:38:06.000 Siren clip goes on the run and attacks. 0.83

02:38:08.000 What does that mean?

02:38:09.000 Wow.

02:38:11.000 Yeah, I think that's the movie. 1.00

02:38:12.000 Fuck. 1.00

02:38:13.000 But just VHS? Who directed it? 1.00

02:38:15.000 Releases in theaters December 2nd, 2016. David Bruckner.

02:38:19.000 Video On Demand 2. Okay, so it's going to be On Demand December 2nd.

02:38:23.000 I hope it's good.

02:38:25.000 Play a little clip of it.

02:38:26.000 See if you can find a little clip of the scene in VHS. No, not this one.

02:38:32.000 In the original one.

02:38:33.000 In the original scene where the girl's like, I like you.

02:38:37.000 There's like a clip of it.

02:38:39.000 There's like a trailer of it.

02:38:40.000 So this was a...

02:38:41.000 Did it get released or went straight to video?

02:38:43.000 It got released, but the rest of the movie wasn't good.

02:38:46.000 Yeah. 0.96

02:38:46.000 It's like this one part is really scary and fucked up and like wild. 0.96

02:38:51.000 And it gives you all these feelings. 0.97

02:38:52.000 You're like, ah!

02:38:53.000 And it lasts for 20 minutes.

02:38:55.000 Or maybe a half an hour at the most.

02:38:57.000 But this is her.

02:38:58.000 Like, play it for her so you can hear it.

02:39:00.000 It was really creepy before she turned into a... 1.00

02:39:02.000 I like you.

02:39:06.000 Oh, it's just that that's it?

02:39:08.000 She kept doing that to him. 0.91

02:39:09.000 And he's like, yeah, I like you too.

02:39:10.000 She's like, I like you. 0.98

02:39:11.000 And then as they got alone together and then with all their friends and everyone's drinking, then when she turns into this demon and kills them all, it's fucking horrific because it's all seen from the first person perspective. 0.98

02:39:22.000 It's all seen from this guy's eyeglasses that he's wearing. 0.97

02:39:24.000 He's wearing these videos.

02:39:25.000 That's her. 1.00

02:39:26.000 That's her when she's sucking his dick. 1.00

02:39:37.000 Wow. 1.00

02:39:37.000 He's freaking the fuck out. 1.00

02:39:40.000 It was so good! 0.98

02:39:42.000 It was so scary. 1.00

02:39:44.000 You know, demons seem stupid. 1.00

02:39:46.000 It seems really stupid that something can turn into that. 1.00

02:39:49.000 But look. 1.00

02:39:50.000 How bizarre is a black widow?

02:39:52.000 How bizarre is a spider that eats her mate? 0.85

02:39:55.000 Yeah.

02:39:55.000 How bizarre is a lot of nature that's absolutely real?

02:39:59.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:39:59.000 There's a lot of weird shit out there in nature. 0.99

02:40:01.000 Things change. 0.99

02:40:02.000 They morph.

02:40:03.000 They become a different thing.

02:40:04.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:40:05.000 If there was just a small percentage of women, then when you fucked them, they became demons. 1.00

02:40:10.000 And you don't know. 1.00

02:40:11.000 You don't know.

02:40:12.000 You don't know until you get them hot. 0.99

02:40:14.000 And they're out there on the dance floor and they're fucking really shaking it because they can't wait to become a demon. 0.99

02:40:19.000 Yeah. 0.98

02:40:20.000 You know, they're really trying to draw you in.

02:40:21.000 I like you.

02:40:22.000 I like you.

02:40:23.000 And you're like, dude, I'm telling you, man.

02:40:25.000 No, she's Puerto Rican. 1.00

02:40:26.000 She doesn't speak English. 1.00

02:40:28.000 Bro, that's a demon. 0.99

02:40:30.000 I'm telling you, that's a demon.

02:40:31.000 There hasn't been a demon in six weeks.

02:40:33.000 There's no demons, bro.

02:40:35.000 You gotta take the chance. 1.00

02:40:36.000 Would people still fuck? 1.00

02:40:38.000 Absolutely. 1.00

02:40:38.000 Oh, yeah. 1.00

02:40:39.000 Would guys still get drunk and take random women home that say, I like you?

02:40:42.000 There would be girls that would pretend to be demons so they can get guys. 1.00

02:40:45.000 It'd be like, you know, I've heard that some gay guys become bug catchers or bug chasers where they try to get HIV. No shit. 1.00

02:40:54.000 You never heard of that? 1.00

02:40:55.000 No.

02:40:55.000 Yeah, it was like a real phenomenon in the gay community where like reckless gay single guys would actively try to get HIV for fun.

02:41:02.000 No shit. 0.98

02:41:03.000 And obviously this is not representative of the entire gay community and I'm not being in any way discriminatory. 0.99

02:41:09.000 What I'm saying is that these are real people that actually did this because people vary. 0.99

02:41:13.000 People are nuts. 0.67

02:41:14.000 Well, if there was a demon, if there was just one small percentage of the population, it's less than 1% of 1%. 1.00

02:41:21.000 Yeah.

02:41:21.000 If you meet a thousand people, one of them's a demon.

02:41:24.000 What are the odds?

02:41:25.000 I dated a girl whose boyfriend died of AIDS. Oh, same thing.

02:41:30.000 Used condoms.

02:41:31.000 Demon?

02:41:32.000 AIDS? Same thing. 0.54

02:41:34.000 You used condoms because he died of AIDS? Yeah.

02:41:36.000 Whoa.

02:41:37.000 Like, she might have caught it from him?

02:41:39.000 Well...

02:41:39.000 Did you get nervous?

02:41:41.000 No.

02:41:41.000 Didn't think about it.

02:41:43.000 When you think about it, getting AIDS or getting Ebola or syphilis is a lot like having a demon in you.

02:41:51.000 Yeah.

02:41:51.000 Like this thing.

02:41:52.000 It's a living thing you're hosting.

02:41:54.000 This entity that's trying to consume you.

02:41:57.000 You have too much energy, Craig.

02:41:59.000 I like you. 1.00

02:42:01.000 It's not going to suck your dick and bite your balls off, but it's just going to just slowly... 1.00

02:42:04.000 But you invited it in. 1.00

02:42:06.000 Slowly invited it in through a pussy. 1.00

02:42:08.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:42:09.000 Yeah.

02:42:11.000 Got a little drunk.

02:42:12.000 She had cute feet. 1.00

02:42:14.000 Little golden brown ones.

02:42:16.000 Yeah.

02:42:17.000 Next thing you know.

02:42:20.000 And then you go to pee. 1.00

02:42:23.000 What the fuck's going on? 1.00

02:42:24.000 What the fuck is going on? 1.00

02:42:25.000 Why is my dick It's just nothing. 1.00

02:42:29.000 It's nothing. 1.00

02:42:29.000 Don't be scared. 1.00

02:42:30.000 She looked fine.

02:42:32.000 She didn't look sick.

02:42:33.000 Don't be paranoid, man.

02:42:35.000 Then you go to work for a couple days.

02:42:36.000 Why am I sweating?

02:42:37.000 Am I sweating?

02:42:38.000 Is it hot in here?

02:42:39.000 No, it's freezing.

02:42:40.000 This office is freezing.

02:42:42.000 I feel hot. 1.00

02:42:43.000 Shit. 1.00

02:42:44.000 Am I okay? 1.00

02:42:45.000 I think I'm okay.

02:42:46.000 God, I'm so tired.

02:42:47.000 Let me check my voicemail.

02:42:48.000 I'm so tired.

02:42:49.000 I like you.

02:42:50.000 Yeah.

02:42:51.000 Voicemail.

02:42:51.000 I like you.

02:42:53.000 Just slowly but surely, that thing eats your body away.

02:42:56.000 Isn't that how Al Capone died?

02:42:58.000 He died from syphilis.

02:43:00.000 Did he?

02:43:00.000 I believe so.

02:43:02.000 From...

02:43:03.000 Who's there?

02:43:05.000 How did everybody not die from VD? You know, like, you watch Game of Thrones or any of these things, and it just reminds you of, like, back then, nobody used a condom.

02:43:14.000 God. 0.83

02:43:14.000 And they went to whorehouses constantly. 0.83

02:43:18.000 What kind of gangy, gamey, pussy smell, pussy-asshole combo smell did people have back then? 1.00

02:43:25.000 No running water. 1.00

02:43:27.000 Ooh.

02:43:28.000 Al Capone spent the last year of his Alcatraz sentence, which had been reduced to six years and five months for a combination of good behavior and work credits, in the hospital section, being treated for syphilis.

02:43:38.000 Oh.

02:43:39.000 He was released...

02:43:41.000 He slowly deteriorated while staying at his Palm Island estate in Miami on January 25, 1947. He died of cardiac arrest.

02:43:49.000 So yeah, syphilis got him. 0.95

02:43:51.000 You know, that's a slow demon. 0.97

02:43:54.000 Is it?

02:43:55.000 Syphilis?

02:43:55.000 But it's a demon.

02:43:57.000 Yeah.

02:43:57.000 It's the same thing.

02:43:58.000 Yeah.

02:43:58.000 I mean, it's not gonna talk to you, it doesn't come from hell, but it comes from here and it does the same job.

02:44:04.000 It just takes a different form that's not as terrifying to us for some reason.

02:44:07.000 But if as many people died from demons as died from the flu, we'd be shitting our pants every day.

02:44:14.000 Like, thousands of people in this country die from the flu.

02:44:17.000 Nobody's out there freaking out.

02:44:18.000 Like, imagine if you go to CVS and get an anti-demon shot.

02:44:23.000 Because the same amount of people, the same amount of people who died from the flu died of demons.

02:44:28.000 So they'd have like garlic rings at the store, you have to go and throw them on, and there's crosses everywhere you go.

02:44:35.000 Yeah.

02:44:35.000 We would be in a state of terror if demons killed as many people as colds do.

02:44:41.000 Right. 0.99

02:44:41.000 And it's all through sex. 0.99

02:44:43.000 That is. 0.56

02:44:44.000 With the cold, you didn't even get laid.

02:44:46.000 You just caught something on a subway.

02:44:49.000 Well, yeah, I mean, what percent...

02:44:50.000 Okay, let's take a guess here.

02:44:53.000 How many people ever, like over the course of human history, have died from VD? How many millions of people?

02:44:59.000 Millions.

02:45:01.000 Hundred million?

02:45:01.000 Hundred million.

02:45:02.000 I think you're probably right.

02:45:03.000 Let's say a hundred million people have died from venereal disease worldwide.

02:45:08.000 How many people do you think it is every year?

02:45:10.000 How many people does like...

02:45:12.000 In a year? 1.00

02:45:13.000 Syphilis and shit like that kill. 1.00

02:45:15.000 Well, AIDS is still tearing up the third world. 1.00

02:45:17.000 Tearing it up.

02:45:20.000 A million.

02:45:21.000 A million worldwide every year.

02:45:23.000 That might be high.

02:45:25.000 A few hundred thousand.

02:45:27.000 It certainly wasn't in the AIDS... I don't have no...

02:45:30.000 Honestly, now that I'm saying this, I realize I'm totally talking out of my ass. 0.97

02:45:33.000 I have no knowledge of what the actual numbers of the AIDS crisis were. 0.97

02:45:37.000 I had a guy on my podcast a long time ago who is a biology at the University of California, Berkeley, and he does not believe that HIV causes AIDS. And of all the people that I've ever had on my podcast that created more people angry at me and controversy,

02:45:57.000 I just wanted to talk to the guy because I don't understand the argument, and I don't understand how one person can have this point of view that all these other scientists and biologists don't have. 0.98

02:46:06.000 What the fuck is that guy's name? 0.95

02:46:09.000 Well, the president of South Africa doesn't believe that HIV causes AIDS. Yeah, his name is Duisberg. 0.99

02:46:16.000 Duisberg.

02:46:17.000 He's a German gentleman.

02:46:18.000 And what he believed is that it was a combination...

02:46:21.000 He said that...

02:46:23.000 I'm doing a shitty job paraphrasing it, but what he was saying, I know, I clear my throat too much.

02:46:28.000 I'm going to stop, America.

02:46:30.000 You need one of those buttons.

02:46:31.000 A lot of the old radio shows, you have a cough button. 0.99

02:46:32.000 It's goddamn butter coffee. 0.98

02:46:33.000 I don't want to admit it, because I love it, but I've got to stop drinking it. 0.99

02:46:36.000 I should just drink water for podcast.

02:46:38.000 It's annoying.

02:46:39.000 It's annoying to me, and I'm clearing my own throat.

02:46:42.000 Anyway.

02:46:44.000 This Dewsburg fella thought that it was a good idea to tell everybody that HIV was actually a weak virus and that it was a symptom of a deteriorated immune system rather than the cause of a deteriorated immune system.

02:46:59.000 And he believed that the cause of the deteriorated immune system was a bunch of different recreational drugs that these guys would take and that there's a disproportionate amount of these men From these areas, these parts of town where they were doing a lot of drugs and having a lot of sex.

02:47:17.000 Amyl nitrate and crystal meth and all this different stuff, which is apparently, amyl nitrate in particular, all that stuff is apparently devastating to your immune system.

02:47:25.000 And so it was his belief that the HIV aspect of it was just a symptom of a disease.

02:47:33.000 Deteriorated immune system from drugs and that they were saying that that caused it. 0.98

02:47:36.000 But how the fuck can you sneak that by all these different scientists? 0.97

02:47:40.000 It just doesn't make sense. 0.98

02:47:41.000 I obviously don't understand the argument.

02:47:43.000 And he is a tenured professor at the University of California, Berkeley.

02:47:47.000 And apparently he's made great strides in cancer research.

02:47:49.000 He's actually a very, very intelligent guy. 1.00

02:47:51.000 But when one guy has like a theory like this and everybody else is like, fuck you. 0.99

02:47:56.000 Like there's gotta be, it just doesn't seem like it could be possible that he's right. 0.99

02:48:01.000 I don't know.

02:48:02.000 I don't understand it.

02:48:03.000 But it doesn't make sense to me that one guy has figured this out.

02:48:07.000 Yeah.

02:48:07.000 So, when I had him on, man, people got so angry.

02:48:10.000 Yeah.

02:48:10.000 They got so angry.

02:48:11.000 That's a perfect guest.

02:48:12.000 They're like, blood is on your hands.

02:48:13.000 I'm like, well...

02:48:15.000 No, he's a tenured professor at an Ivy League school.

02:48:18.000 I think you can bring him on.

02:48:19.000 I got news for you. 1.00

02:48:20.000 If you take it in the ass because of this podcast, you're going to take it in the ass anyway. 1.00

02:48:25.000 So don't you fucking tell me there's blood on my hands. 1.00

02:48:28.000 Yeah, you were looking for a fucking reason. 1.00

02:48:29.000 You already had amyl nitrate in your hand. 1.00

02:48:32.000 You were ready. 0.99

02:48:32.000 There is no way I am swaying your decision to get buttfucked without a condom. 0.99

02:48:37.000 I am not. 1.00

02:48:38.000 You take responsibility for your own actions, you son of a bee. 1.00

02:48:42.000 You're standing in the gay woods. 1.00

02:48:43.000 Come on, folks. 0.86

02:48:44.000 Listen to the podcast on earbuds. 0.73

02:48:46.000 How ridiculous is that idea?

02:48:48.000 Yeah. 0.95

02:48:48.000 I wanted to know. 0.95

02:48:50.000 I mean, someone said that you should do it with a qualified medical professional so that you could have someone to counter access claims.

02:48:56.000 That is a very good point, and one I probably should have taken into consideration, and I probably would try to do that today.

02:49:03.000 But back then, this is many years ago when I was doing the podcast, I couldn't believe the guy even wanted to talk to me.

02:49:08.000 Yeah.

02:49:09.000 You know, I was like, this is going to be great. 1.00

02:49:10.000 I always wanted to know what this fucking crazy dude believes. 0.99

02:49:12.000 Because everybody would always tell you, dude, you've read Dewsburg? 1.00

02:49:15.000 He had a thing in Spin Magazine.

02:49:17.000 HIV doesn't even cause AIDS, bro.

02:49:19.000 It was like this article in Spin Magazine I read, which was, wasn't that the penthouse guy?

02:49:24.000 Didn't he have something to do with Spin Magazine?

02:49:26.000 Larry Flint?

02:49:27.000 No, that's Hustler.

02:49:28.000 Yeah.

02:49:29.000 Yeah.

02:49:29.000 Anyway, there was this article in it about Duisburg, about HIV, and I remember reading it going, is this even possible?

02:49:37.000 Is it possible? 0.96

02:49:39.000 Those things are really sketchy and dangerous for people like you or I who doesn't know jack shit about the human body. 0.77

02:49:44.000 But how much do you know about diseases? 0.95

02:49:46.000 Very little.

02:49:47.000 I know I got gonorrhea once.

02:49:49.000 Did you?

02:49:49.000 Yeah.

02:49:51.000 I was in my mom's car and I went to this club, went to this nightclub and I saw the classic fucking move out of a movie, out of a John Hughes movie. 0.85

02:49:59.000 I see a guy hitting on a girl and he's really annoying her. 0.93

02:50:02.000 So I walk up and I go, excuse me. 0.99

02:50:12.000 Oh, shit. 1.00

02:50:17.000 Oh, shit. 1.00

02:50:25.000 Real, like, too sexual, like she was more into it than I was, almost. 1.00

02:50:29.000 So then I go home that night, I sleep maybe three hours, and then I get up the next morning to go caddy.

02:50:36.000 And I'm out on the course, and I mean, it's that fast.

02:50:39.000 By noon, I got a burning sensation. 0.99

02:50:41.000 I stopped at the 9th old shack to take a piss, and it was like acid coming out of my penis. 0.99

02:50:47.000 And I got in. 0.99

02:50:49.000 I had a fever of like 103. I had green muck in my underwear.

02:50:53.000 And I went to the hospital.

02:50:56.000 And they diagnosed it immediately.

02:50:59.000 They're like, you got gonorrhea.

02:51:00.000 You got the clap, buddy. 1.00

02:51:02.000 Gave me a huge shot of penicillin in the ass. 1.00

02:51:05.000 And it went away. 1.00

02:51:06.000 Just went home and slept.

02:51:07.000 Woke up.

02:51:08.000 Was gone.

02:51:09.000 But then the girl who worked in medical records at the hospital lived in town.

02:51:15.000 She was my age. 0.99

02:51:17.000 Fucking told everybody I had gonorrhea. 1.00

02:51:20.000 I couldn't get laid for like a year. 1.00

02:51:23.000 Oh. 0.87

02:51:31.000 She cock-blocked me for a year. 0.96

02:51:34.000 In all fairness, though, you would have done the same thing.

02:51:39.000 You only gotta tell one person. 0.99

02:51:41.000 If you found out that she had gonorrhea, you'd fucking tell everybody. 0.99

02:51:46.000 Girls wouldn't even make out with me. 1.00

02:51:49.000 I was like fucking persona non grata. 1.00

02:51:52.000 Yeah, man. 1.00

02:51:53.000 Any reason to keep away from you when you're young, kids are ruthless.

02:51:56.000 And how they dump and re-gather their relationships back up again.

02:52:02.000 God, they're ruthless in how they break up with each other or how they shun one. 1.00

02:52:06.000 They'll kick one fucking duckling with a limp. 1.00

02:52:09.000 Pack the shit out of that duck and kick it into the pond. 1.00

02:52:12.000 Fuck you! 1.00

02:52:13.000 They look forward to, like, kicking someone out. 1.00

02:52:15.000 Don't ever fuck that guy again. 1.00

02:52:17.000 You don't have to tell me! 1.00

02:52:18.000 Right.

02:52:18.000 And those girls are so vulnerable at that age, too.

02:52:21.000 And if you somehow or another work your way back in just to keep it a secret, we have to keep it a secret that we're seeing each other.

02:52:26.000 Yeah.

02:52:27.000 Like, you know, after a while, no one's going to care anymore.

02:52:29.000 But they care right now.

02:52:30.000 Yeah.

02:52:31.000 They care right now.

02:52:32.000 You have to sneak in.

02:52:33.000 Yeah.

02:52:34.000 She has to go on dates with other guys. 1.00

02:52:35.000 She goes on dates with other guys and says she feels like shit and she goes home early and then she fucks you. 1.00

02:52:39.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:52:40.000 Like barely.

02:52:41.000 She's wondering why she's doing it.

02:52:42.000 She's waiting for one guy to come along that she goes on a date with earlier that's like preferred to you.

02:52:47.000 Yeah.

02:52:47.000 Right now you're like barely hanging in there.

02:52:49.000 Yeah, you're just a fucking, you're just, you're almost on the bench. 0.99

02:52:53.000 Gonorrhea boy. 1.00

02:52:58.000 A fucking disease can change the course of your life. 1.00

02:53:00.000 Right. 1.00

02:53:01.000 Like, that could have changed your confidence.

02:53:03.000 You know what?

02:53:04.000 I bet it did for the better.

02:53:05.000 I'm sure.

02:53:06.000 How about that?

02:53:06.000 I'm sure.

02:53:06.000 Think about that.

02:53:07.000 I think it made me more cautious about condoms, I'll tell you that.

02:53:10.000 That, and I also bet it helped you deal with, like, the inevitable moment on stage where you say things that people don't think is funny and you have to, like, kind of have some personal sovereignty.

02:53:20.000 Yeah.

02:53:20.000 Like, that's a good way to develop personal sovereignty.

02:53:22.000 You become an outcast.

02:53:23.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:53:24.000 Girls, I don't want to fuck you anymore. 1.00

02:53:25.000 And you're like, hey, I have a mirror. 1.00

02:53:27.000 I know I'm not a fucking freak. 0.98

02:53:29.000 Like, what's going on here? 1.00

02:53:31.000 Like, this is bullshit. 1.00

02:53:32.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:53:32.000 And it forces you. 1.00

02:53:33.000 Fight your way back.

02:53:33.000 Yeah, you're a handsome little fellow when you were young.

02:53:35.000 That's right.

02:53:36.000 Full head of hair.

02:53:37.000 Full head of hair.

02:53:38.000 Bright Irish smile. 1.00

02:53:39.000 Clean dick after a while. 1.00

02:53:41.000 Shiny. 0.99

02:53:41.000 Oh, I used to buff it. 0.99

02:53:42.000 Quick wit?

02:53:43.000 He's quick witted.

02:53:44.000 He's got a good vocabulary.

02:53:46.000 He's a sharp kid that fits Simmons.

02:53:48.000 Sharp as a tack.

02:53:49.000 Yeah, he's at the Kowloon in Saugus.

02:53:51.000 I remember him.

02:53:53.000 Uproot one.

02:53:53.000 Me and Sully went to see him uproot one.

02:53:55.000 He was fucking hilarious. 0.84

02:53:57.000 You know who I stumbled across a tweet of the other day? 0.99

02:54:00.000 Larry Rapucci.

02:54:01.000 Oh! 0.60

02:54:02.000 Yeah.

02:54:03.000 Probably a good tweet.

02:54:04.000 Well, I think what it was was I was on Tim McIntyre's Twitter.

02:54:07.000 I was searching Tim McIntyre, Boston Comic.

02:54:10.000 I was on his Twitter feed for whatever reason.

02:54:12.000 I was bored.

02:54:15.000 Reading some funny shit that he had and interesting stuff and you know you do that you go on like a little Twitter timeline right thing and I ran across a it looked like a Facebook message from Larry Rapucci who when we were kids when we were starting out Larry was kind of a legendary character and In Boston, 0.79

02:54:31.000 he got a full-time gig with Nick's Comedy Stop, where all he worked was Nick's Comedy Stop gigs. 0.73

02:54:38.000 He was one of those few guys.

02:54:39.000 There were a few guys that got that package, remember?

02:54:41.000 They gave him like $500 a week, and they would just work him to death.

02:54:45.000 But he knew that $500 was coming in every week.

02:54:48.000 He never had to worry about work.

02:54:49.000 And he was so loose because of it, because he was in.

02:54:53.000 They allowed him to do other gigs, too, because I know I did...

02:54:57.000 I know I did some other gigs with him, too, that maybe not even Nick's Comedy Stop gigs.

02:55:00.000 But for the most part, he worked for them.

02:55:02.000 And he was such a character.

02:55:05.000 Yeah.

02:55:05.000 He's a funny dude.

02:55:06.000 Had like a mullet and a belly, and he would strip down in a bikini at the end of his act.

02:55:11.000 Didn't he have like a regular job, too, for a long time?

02:55:14.000 I'm sure.

02:55:15.000 Like post office or something.

02:55:16.000 Something like that.

02:55:17.000 Yeah.

02:55:21.000 That place, man.

02:55:23.000 I don't want to live there right now.

02:55:25.000 I don't want to do that in the winter.

02:55:27.000 No. 0.98

02:55:28.000 Goddamn, it was a fun place to grow up. 0.99

02:55:29.000 Yeah, it was. 0.96

02:55:30.000 Because if you weren't performing, you were watching good comedy.

02:55:34.000 So any night out was a good night out. 1.00

02:55:37.000 It's amazing, like, as adults, when we're looking back on it, how, like, stupid, like, you literally couldn't ask for a better place. 0.99

02:55:43.000 We found the best place at the best time. 0.99

02:55:46.000 Right.

02:55:46.000 It's almost like if you are in some sort of a simulated reality and you wanted to do the dream of struggling but eventually becoming a professional stand-up comic, where do you want to start?

02:55:59.000 I want to start out in the golden days of comedy in the 20th century.

02:56:04.000 And I want to make a living out of the gate.

02:56:06.000 I'm going to drop you off in Boston.

02:56:07.000 It's going to be cold. 0.97

02:56:08.000 The winter's going to give you something to bitch about. 1.00

02:56:10.000 People have short attention spans.

02:56:11.000 They want you to give it to them quick. 1.00

02:56:13.000 They have very little patience for bullshit. 1.00

02:56:15.000 You couldn't be indulgent. 1.00

02:56:17.000 There was no room for indulgent.

02:56:19.000 It made you really appreciate attention spans. 0.99

02:56:22.000 It's fucking freezing outside, dude. 0.99

02:56:24.000 Get to the point. 0.99

02:56:25.000 Yeah. 0.98

02:56:27.000 And it was like you were given the opportunity, but then, like, you could get stage time and you could get scene, but to really work, you had to fucking command the stage. 0.93

02:56:36.000 You had to do your time. 0.96

02:56:38.000 You had to consistently perform.

02:56:40.000 It was like all these things that just made you get your, what is it, 10,000 hours, Malcolm Gladwell says?

02:56:45.000 Like, that was us getting our 10,000 hours.

02:56:48.000 Yeah, and it's really like, for the most part, it's like 10 years, right?

02:56:53.000 Like 10 years before you know what you're doing, really.

02:56:55.000 And even then, you're pretty shaky.

02:56:56.000 I think Seinfeld said 14. He might be right. 0.99

02:57:00.000 It's hard to call, but it's just so interesting when you look back.

02:57:05.000 You're like, wow, it all sort of played itself out like it was a program.

02:57:08.000 It's like if you were a folk musician in the village in 1963. So it smells way better.

02:57:16.000 Yeah, and those guys never made any fucking money. 0.97

02:57:18.000 Yeah, folk musicians, there was a few that broke free, right? 0.98

02:57:21.000 Like, who's like a big folk musician?

02:57:23.000 Joni Mitchell.

02:57:24.000 Right. 1.00

02:57:25.000 Joni Mitchell's a badass bitch. 1.00

02:57:27.000 She was. 1.00

02:57:28.000 She was a badass bitch. 1.00

02:57:29.000 That album, Blue, I would put up against any album in history. 0.99

02:57:32.000 She had some really creative vocals too.

02:57:35.000 Yeah.

02:57:35.000 Really creative lyrics.

02:57:37.000 What a voice, a range.

02:57:39.000 Yeah, she's someone that you don't really hear.

02:57:42.000 You could be at any given bar at any given night and hear Sweet Home Alabama.

02:57:48.000 But what are the odds that you're going to hear, like, Chuckie's in love?

02:57:51.000 Right.

02:57:52.000 You know?

02:57:53.000 California.

02:57:54.000 Yeah.

02:57:55.000 She had some great songs, man.

02:57:56.000 Moody songs.

02:57:58.000 Yeah.

02:57:58.000 Like, they command your attention.

02:58:00.000 You can't passively listen to Joni Mitchell.

02:58:04.000 Yeah, there's a bunch of- They pave paradise, put up a parking lot. 1.00

02:58:07.000 Great fucking song. 1.00

02:58:08.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:58:08.000 That's a great song. 1.00

02:58:10.000 Yeah.

02:58:12.000 Yeah, it's interesting, man.

02:58:14.000 What we've just seen pass in our lifetimes, the different styles of music and the different eras of music, the 80s era.

02:58:24.000 When we were in high school, it was all like Van Halen.

02:58:26.000 Yeah.

02:58:27.000 It was all like poison.

02:58:30.000 It was not good.

02:58:31.000 But it was hair bands.

02:58:32.000 Yeah.

02:58:34.000 Def Leppard.

02:58:37.000 Foreigner. 0.89

02:58:38.000 Foreigner! 1.00

02:58:39.000 Feels like the very first time!

02:58:43.000 Dude, I can name every band member.

02:58:46.000 I was so into Foreigner. 1.00

02:58:47.000 Bad Company.

02:58:49.000 Yeah.

02:58:49.000 Bad Company and BTO. Bad Company had that song...

02:58:57.000 Shooting Star, right?

02:58:58.000 That was a song that every kid thought was about them.

02:59:01.000 Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah.

02:59:03.000 Johnny was a schoolboy when he heard his first Beatles song.

02:59:07.000 Hey.

02:59:07.000 Right?

02:59:08.000 Yeah.

02:59:08.000 Love me too, I think it was from there, it didn't take him long.

02:59:13.000 And then it's this whole thing about him becoming this rock and roll star and then dying, like, real young.

02:59:21.000 Died in his bed.

02:59:22.000 There's like four songs that are like that.

02:59:25.000 They're about like, you know, here's a story of Chuck and Diane. 0.98

02:59:29.000 It's always about like the Midwestern kids that go out to L.A. and then they break up and she becomes a whore. 1.00

02:59:40.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:59:41.000 Yeah.

02:59:44.000 John Cougar Mellencamp, man, he had a lot of those kind of songs, right?

02:59:49.000 Yeah.

02:59:49.000 I was in Indiana once, which is where he's from, right?

02:59:52.000 You would think, god damn, Indiana, John Cougar Mellencamp, it's like if Bruce Springsteen is anywhere in New Jersey, like at a sporting event, and they put a camera on Bruce Springsteen, people are going to go, the fucking boss! 0.99

03:00:04.000 Yeah, the boss! 0.99

03:00:07.000 Anywhere he goes, right?

03:00:08.000 Not John Cougar Mellencamp, man.

03:00:10.000 They didn't like him. 1.00

03:00:11.000 No shit! 1.00

03:00:12.000 Yeah, he's a liberal. 1.00

03:00:13.000 Oh! 0.60

03:00:15.000 Yeah. 1.00

03:00:16.000 Motherfucker. 1.00

03:00:17.000 I had to ask the guy who worked there. 1.00

03:00:18.000 I go, hey man, why are they booing John Cougar Mellencamp?

03:00:21.000 And he's generally thought of as a liberal and like a fake Indiana person.

03:00:27.000 Wow.

03:00:27.000 Yeah, like he's sold out.

03:00:28.000 Damn. 1.00

03:00:29.000 Yeah, Indiana's conservative. 1.00

03:00:30.000 Yeah, real conservative.

03:00:32.000 That's where the KKK was born.

03:00:34.000 But he's Jack and Diane.

03:00:36.000 Like, you're not going to cheer for a guy from your town?

03:00:40.000 Little pink houses.

03:00:41.000 Oh my God, yeah.

03:00:43.000 But Jack and Diane, come on, son.

03:00:45.000 Yeah.

03:00:46.000 There he is.

03:00:47.000 Whoa. 1.00

03:00:48.000 Time's a motherfucker. 1.00

03:00:50.000 Time wins. 1.00

03:00:50.000 Yeah. 1.00

03:00:51.000 I mean, he's one of those guys that when he was around, when we were around in the 80s, and I was like, you know, they were pop songs.

03:00:57.000 They didn't really register.

03:00:59.000 He was a little bit laughable to me.

03:01:01.000 And then you get older and you just have to respect.

03:01:05.000 You know, it's almost like, somebody brought this up the other day, Hall& Oates. 0.99

03:01:08.000 We were a fucking laughing stock. 0.99

03:01:09.000 And now I listen to some of their songs, it's like, it's a fucking good song. 0.99

03:01:13.000 You know what a lot of it is? 0.97

03:01:15.000 There's something, like, go back to that picture that you just showed.

03:01:18.000 There's something about a guy who can even pull this off that I cannot root for.

03:01:21.000 Yeah.

03:01:22.000 Yeah.

03:01:23.000 He is sitting in a convertible car.

03:01:26.000 He has beautiful hair.

03:01:28.000 His arms are up.

03:01:30.000 He has a sleeveless shirt on.

03:01:32.000 He has some sort of a bracelet on.

03:01:33.000 And he's hanging back with his feet up.

03:01:35.000 He's super confident and casual.

03:01:36.000 And he's a beautiful man.

03:01:37.000 And he's singing about love and all these different things.

03:01:40.000 And there's part of you at that age. 0.97

03:01:42.000 You look at it and you're like, this is ridiculous. 0.92

03:01:45.000 The cowboy boots are selling this picture, though, too. 0.65

03:01:47.000 If he had Nikes on, it wouldn't be the same kind of photo.

03:01:50.000 Cowboy boots are important to be down home. 0.95

03:01:51.000 He's got an old ass car too. 0.96

03:01:53.000 You think John Cougar Mellencamp can't afford a new car? 1.00

03:01:55.000 Why has he got that fucking old car? 0.98

03:01:56.000 Because the old car is like down home. 0.99

03:01:58.000 Yeah.

03:01:59.000 He's got a car that makes noise when you start it up.

03:02:05.000 It's like some old, like, MG or some shit like that.

03:02:07.000 Like, you wouldn't really drive that. 1.00

03:02:08.000 He's probably like, get this stinky piece of shit away from me. 1.00

03:02:11.000 This fucking shitty car with bad brakes. 1.00

03:02:13.000 Yeah, where's my fucking... 1.00

03:02:14.000 Where's my Porsche? 0.99

03:02:15.000 Where's my Maserati?

03:02:17.000 He, uh...

03:02:18.000 At one point, he changed his name from John Cougar Mellencamp...

03:02:22.000 No.

03:02:23.000 From John Cougar to John Cougar Mellencamp.

03:02:25.000 I think it had something to do with his label, was trying to market him as John Cougar.

03:02:29.000 Well, his real name is John Mellencamp.

03:02:30.000 And when they were making his first album come out, they're like, we're going to change your name.

03:02:35.000 Mellencamp's not going to sell.

03:02:36.000 We're going to call you John Cougar.

03:02:37.000 John Cougar.

03:02:38.000 It sounds American.

03:02:39.000 Sounds like rugged.

03:02:40.000 I mean, you got boots on, brother?

03:02:42.000 Yeah. 0.91

03:02:42.000 You're a cougar. 0.91

03:02:43.000 You are a cougar. 1.00

03:02:44.000 And so they sell it as John Cougar.

03:02:48.000 And then he's like, hey, man, I want to be John Mellencamp.

03:02:50.000 Like, no, you can't do it.

03:02:51.000 How about John Cougar Mellencamp?

03:02:53.000 Okay.

03:02:53.000 The worst name of all time.

03:02:55.000 John Cougar Mellencamp.

03:02:57.000 Like, did he get married?

03:02:59.000 Did he marry himself?

03:03:00.000 Did he marry a dude and now he's in Mellencamp and he's hyphenated it?

03:03:04.000 Wait, is it Mellencamp or is it Mellencamp?

03:03:07.000 Do you remember Mike Sullivan Irwin?

03:03:09.000 Of course.

03:03:09.000 He was the first guy I ever met that took his wife's name.

03:03:11.000 He did?

03:03:12.000 His name was Mike Sullivan.

03:03:14.000 Her name was Irvin.

03:03:15.000 Wow.

03:03:16.000 And he became Mike Sullivan Irvin.

03:03:18.000 Jesus.

03:03:19.000 Whoops.

03:03:20.000 First guy I ever met that called himself a feminist, too. 0.97

03:03:23.000 Interesting.

03:03:23.000 You know, women don't even call themselves feminists anymore.

03:03:26.000 I was asking...

03:03:27.000 Because I've been asking women... 0.86

03:03:28.000 When did that end?

03:03:29.000 I just was online.

03:03:31.000 I mean, it's like...

03:03:34.000 How are you not a feminist? 1.00

03:03:35.000 If you're a woman, isn't that just saying I want to have equal pay for equal work? 1.00

03:03:40.000 It's saying, first of all, you most certainly are thinking very strongly and often about women's issues, right?

03:03:46.000 Right.

03:03:47.000 Which I guess you have to, if you're a woman, but realistically, you should probably be thinking of the humanity as a whole, right?

03:03:56.000 You shouldn't be really focused on one gender.

03:03:58.000 Just hear me out for a second if you're getting mad.

03:04:02.000 If we're all completely concentrating on one specific gender, like female, the concerns only of the female, you're automatically breaking yourself off into a team.

03:04:14.000 This is like those guys that are men's rights guys.

03:04:16.000 That's all they talk about.

03:04:18.000 That's all they tweet about.

03:04:18.000 That's all they want to talk about is men's rights.

03:04:20.000 Men are getting fucked over in this country. 0.99

03:04:23.000 They're forming natural teams. 0.99

03:04:25.000 It's like a Windows user who's getting mad at PC or who's getting mad at Macs.

03:04:30.000 It's a weird thing that people start doing when you lock people into any sort of one or the other, like right wing versus left wing, you know, like people who are straight edge versus people who like to party.

03:04:41.000 You get these locked in ideologies, and that's a big one, man.

03:04:45.000 That's a big one.

03:04:46.000 The gender one's a big one. 0.99

03:04:48.000 But PCs are not making less money than Macs.

03:04:52.000 See, that's the thing about that whole narrative about women making less money than men. 1.00

03:04:57.000 I don't know if you've ever investigated it, but I had a long conversation with a good friend of mine about it recently where he was saying it wrong, too.

03:05:03.000 This is the reality.

03:05:04.000 The reality is when they do these gender income disparity studies, They're giving you the impression that a man and a woman are working next to each other and they're doing the same job and the woman's making 77 cents to the man's dollar.

03:05:21.000 That's not what the study showed.

03:05:22.000 What the study showed is that overall the men earned more money than the women did if they were both working.

03:05:29.000 And it didn't mean that they were doing the same job.

03:05:32.000 In fact, it means the opposite.

03:05:33.000 Men were choosing jobs that are much more high risk.

03:05:35.000 They were working longer hours.

03:05:37.000 So you're comparing women who worked on an average of 35 hours to men who worked 40 hours plus.

03:05:42.000 And doing different jobs.

03:05:43.000 So it wasn't, but this is the study.

03:05:45.000 The study is not that two people, like you're an accountant and she's an accountant, and you both do the exact same job, the exact same workload, and you make $100 where she makes $77.

03:05:57.000 But that's how everybody reports.

03:05:58.000 Yeah, but that's one study.

03:05:59.000 There's other studies that show, like, categorically, Walmart was paying the same job they were paying women less.

03:06:05.000 That's entirely possible.

03:06:06.000 Given individual companies, it could be sexist, for sure.

03:06:09.000 Right.

03:06:09.000 100%.

03:06:09.000 But that's not what gets spit out.

03:06:13.000 Everybody spits out that women make 77 cents to every man's dollar. 1.00

03:06:16.000 It's just not true.

03:06:17.000 It's not like they're doing the same jobs.

03:06:20.000 I mean, you could argue that...

03:06:22.000 One of the best arguments about it was that they were saying that women... 1.00

03:06:27.000 Being less confident or less likely to be assertive early on and negotiate a good salary for themselves, and that could be an issue.

03:06:35.000 But over time, that sort of balanced itself out with performance.

03:06:38.000 This was the...

03:06:41.000 There's a hypothesis that was thrown around by one article, but the overall numbers are not what everybody says.

03:06:48.000 Everybody loves to say those numbers.

03:06:50.000 They love to harp those numbers back at you.

03:06:52.000 They'll say, you know, a woman makes 77 cents to every man's dollar. 1.00

03:06:54.000 It's a sexist world.

03:06:55.000 But it's not.

03:06:56.000 It's not what's going on.

03:06:57.000 It might be still a sexist world, but that's not.

03:06:59.000 Right, now you've got to factor in maternity leave, and there's things that are just, you know, going to hold a woman back from making more money because she's going to lose her place in line, basically, by taking maternity leave. 0.81

03:07:10.000 I get that.

03:07:11.000 But there's been plenty of studies of CEOs that are making...

03:07:15.000 There's a disparity in what CEOs of major companies...

03:07:18.000 When they look at the same size companies making the same profits every year...

03:07:23.000 And then you've got the woman making, you know, consistently... 1.00

03:07:26.000 70 cents on the dollar is generous for some of those jobs.

03:07:28.000 I don't know about that study.

03:07:29.000 I don't know if that's true.

03:07:30.000 But, again, you're talking about CEOs...

03:07:33.000 And this is a very rare segment of the population I don't think needs any sympathy.

03:07:37.000 Right. 0.96

03:07:37.000 Like, any woman who's a CEO is probably making some fucking ridiculous amount of money in the first place, and it's always over-exaggerated how much money they make. 0.96

03:07:44.000 But wouldn't a company be ridiculous if they paid a woman less money and she's making them more money? 1.00

03:07:52.000 Like, wouldn't she leave and go somewhere where she would make more money? 1.00

03:07:55.000 Like, if she's that good, if she's competing with men and going right up against them. 0.88

03:07:59.000 This is the argument, right?

03:08:01.000 I don't have the answer, because I'm obviously just reading these statistics and reading what these people have said, but I would imagine there's some deep-seated sexism that is almost impossible to overcome.

03:08:13.000 Men don't want women as bosses for the most part.

03:08:15.000 Right.

03:08:16.000 It's subconscious, some of it.

03:08:17.000 But whether or not that's responsible for women making less money in the same jobs, apparently not according to the numbers. 0.97

03:08:25.000 According to the numbers, a lot of it is the choosing of different paths in life as far as careers.

03:08:31.000 That's why this push to get women into STEM, that's why this push to get women into technology, like tech, like Silicon Valley, there's this big disparity between men and women.

03:08:40.000 But that disparity is like real similar to how it is in a lot of tech.

03:08:43.000 It's like most women don't gravitate towards those jobs. 1.00

03:08:47.000 But if they do, they find them, there's not that many women as opposed to men. 1.00

03:08:52.000 It's much, much, I think tech, like look this up, like what is Silicon Valley?

03:08:56.000 What are the disparities?

03:08:58.000 It's a real problem.

03:08:58.000 Is it a problem, though?

03:09:00.000 But this is the question.

03:09:01.000 That's something that people always parrot and repeat, that it's a problem.

03:09:04.000 I don't know if it's a problem or if it's how women naturally navigate towards different careers than men do. 1.00

03:09:11.000 Well, look, none of this stuff is black and white.

03:09:14.000 I think that's part of it.

03:09:15.000 I think part of it is also when women have role models, they think, oh, well, I want to be like. 1.00

03:09:20.000 I think now that you've got some big corporate CEOs, the woman that wrote that book, Lean In, and from...

03:09:28.000 Whatever.

03:09:29.000 I think it allows women to visualize, you know, and that's why I think it's important that Hillary Clinton, when she's president, as much as I'm not a fan of hers, I think it will accomplish setting a new goal for women.

03:09:40.000 Look at this one, though.

03:09:41.000 In Silicon Valley, men 69% more likely to receive higher salary offer.

03:09:45.000 So for their initial first salary, 69% more likely.

03:09:50.000 I wonder.

03:09:51.000 You know, I get there's got to be some discrimination when you think about a woman that wants to get pregnant and have a family and she's going to take time off work and if you're going to have to give her maternity leave, that's going to be unproductive money that your company has to give out.

03:10:03.000 It's interesting, man.

03:10:04.000 That lady sued. 1.00

03:10:05.000 She sued.

03:10:06.000 That is, I forget her name.

03:10:08.000 Yeah, she sued. 1.00

03:10:10.000 Margaret Cho?

03:10:11.000 No, she didn't sue Margaret Cho.

03:10:13.000 She sued some company.

03:10:15.000 Was it Google?

03:10:15.000 Microsoft?

03:10:16.000 Who the fuck did she sue? 1.00

03:10:17.000 She sued someone, I think it was Google, for gender discrimination and lost. 0.99

03:10:22.000 She wasn't the Reddit.

03:10:24.000 Yeah, she was Reddit after that.

03:10:26.000 She went to Reddit after that, and people were upset that she went over there after she was, they thought, running what appeared to be a frivolous lawsuit.

03:10:34.000 I don't know if it was frivolous, but it lost.

03:10:38.000 Look, I wouldn't want to be a chick working with a bunch of dudes.

03:10:41.000 I'll tell you that right now.

03:10:42.000 Whether it's sexist or not. 1.00

03:10:44.000 I would not want to be a woman in an office with nine other dudes that are scrapping and scraping to try to climb the corporate ladder, and I got to compete with these ass fucks, and they're all out playing golf and talking shit about my ass. 1.00

03:10:57.000 He showed up at work every day with these cunts. 1.00

03:11:02.000 Yeah. 0.99

03:11:02.000 It's hard. 0.99

03:11:03.000 But it's good for the guys.

03:11:05.000 I hate workplaces that are all guys. 1.00

03:11:07.000 I've written on shows.

03:11:07.000 I wrote on Bill Maher's show for a while, and it was all dudes talking like dudes, and they start out-duding each other.

03:11:14.000 You throw one woman in the room, and all of a sudden, everybody just fucking mellows out a little bit, and I think it's more productive. 0.80

03:11:20.000 Look at you. 0.98

03:11:20.000 Equal opportunity, man. 0.98

03:11:21.000 Absolutely.

03:11:22.000 Equal opportunity, Fitzsimmons! 0.77

03:11:25.000 That's what he does. 1.00

03:11:26.000 And then you fuck him in the bathroom! 1.00

03:11:27.000 Oh! 1.00

03:11:31.000 Yeah.

03:11:31.000 Look, it's impossible to generalize in big, broad, sweeping brushes, you know, the difference between men and women.

03:11:39.000 There's so much variety.

03:11:41.000 And there's so many people that are women that would thrive in high-pressure, high-stress situations alongside men.

03:11:47.000 And so many women that just won't. 0.97

03:11:51.000 That's not their thing.

03:11:52.000 They don't want to do it. 1.00

03:11:53.000 If you put them in there, they'd hate their fucking life. 1.00

03:11:55.000 How many people, if they had to do what you do, would be in hell every day? 1.00

03:11:59.000 Shitting their pants, sweating, nervous, can't come up with a joke, don't think anything they have to say is interesting, can't string the words together correctly, they get on a podcast like this, we don't fucking plan a goddamn thing. 0.99

03:12:09.000 We've already been going for three hours and twenty minutes. 1.00

03:12:12.000 Shut the fuck up! 1.00

03:12:13.000 What are the time? 1.00

03:12:13.000 It's almost five. 1.00

03:12:15.000 Holy shit! 1.00

03:12:17.000 It just flies by, kid! 1.00

03:12:19.000 God damn! 1.00

03:12:19.000 It flies by! 1.00

03:12:20.000 They'd be shitting their pants. 1.00

03:12:21.000 But you'd be shitting your pants if you had to be a fucking accountant. 1.00

03:12:24.000 Go over people's taxes. 1.00

03:12:26.000 And then having to work...

03:12:27.000 Here's the thing about those guys.

03:12:28.000 They gotta show up to work every day and work all day, almost non-stop, finish, go home, do it again the next day.

03:12:36.000 Every day.

03:12:36.000 And you gotta bring home work on the weekend.

03:12:37.000 That's what freaks me out.

03:12:39.000 Bob, we've got to get this account done.

03:12:40.000 I hate to do this to you, but I need you on the phone 24-7 all this weekend.

03:12:45.000 But my kids, my birthday, listen, this company, this company needs ya! 1.00

03:12:48.000 Phone under the pillow, asshole. 1.00

03:12:50.000 Meanwhile, what'd you do today? 1.00

03:12:52.000 Did you work out?

03:12:53.000 Yes, I did.

03:12:54.000 So did I. Shot bows and arrows.

03:12:56.000 Did you?

03:12:56.000 Yeah.

03:12:58.000 Went out there and did a little archery.

03:12:59.000 My point is proven.

03:13:00.000 You shot bows and arrows. 1.00

03:13:02.000 How many accountants got to fucking take a little bow and shoot it at a target? 1.00

03:13:06.000 It's therapy. 1.00

03:13:07.000 It's good.

03:13:08.000 Speaking of which, that's it.

03:13:10.000 That's my bow.

03:13:11.000 Wow. 0.99

03:13:11.000 We gotta play some motherfucking pool. 0.99

03:13:14.000 So let's end this podcast. 0.99

03:13:16.000 Greg Fitzsimmons brought his pool cue.

03:13:18.000 Yo.

03:13:19.000 Hey, I meant to ask you something.

03:13:20.000 Please do.

03:13:21.000 Should I ask you on the air or off the air if you can do a benefit?

03:13:24.000 Oh, you should definitely do it on the air and put me on the spot.

03:13:26.000 Put you on the spot for October 16th.

03:13:30.000 We're doing a benefit for Best Buddies, which is a group I work with for special needs people.

03:13:36.000 Intellectually disadvantaged people, we call them now.

03:13:38.000 The 16th is a Sunday?

03:13:40.000 At the Comedy Store main room.

03:13:42.000 I'm in!

03:13:43.000 Are you kidding me?

03:13:44.000 I'm in! 0.99

03:13:44.000 Oh, fucking great. 0.99

03:13:45.000 I'm in! 1.00

03:13:46.000 Tickets are on sale by the time you listen to this goddamn podcast. 0.99

03:13:49.000 Greg Fitzsimmons benefit. 0.99

03:13:52.000 I'm a grown-up now.

03:13:54.000 I'm doing this now from now on, folks.

03:13:56.000 I'm actually putting things in my calendar immediately.

03:13:59.000 Nice.

03:13:59.000 I'll email you to remind you.

03:14:00.000 I kept going, I'll fucking get to it. 0.97

03:14:02.000 I'll get to it. 0.98

03:14:03.000 And then I don't.

03:14:04.000 Chrysler's doing it, too.

03:14:06.000 Mm-hmm.

03:14:08.000 That's it. 1.00

03:14:09.000 You fuckers, this podcast is over. 1.00

03:14:12.000 Greg Fitzsimmons is awesome. 1.00

03:14:14.000 Go see him live.

03:14:16.000 Go see him live.

03:14:18.000 We'll probably be back Saturday with a fight companion for a daytime fight.

03:14:22.000 It's Saturday.

03:14:24.000 It's at noon.

03:14:25.000 I think it's at noon LA time. 1.00

03:14:27.000 So Saturday, we'll see you, you fuckers. 1.00

03:14:29.000 All right. 1.00

03:14:30.000 Thank you, everybody.

03:14:30.000 Appreciate you.

03:14:31.000 Bye.

03:14:31.000 Big kiss.

The Joe Rogan Experience - August 31, 2016

Joe Rogan Experience #841 - Greg Fitzsimmons

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Transcript