The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #882 - Tom Papa

00:00:00.000 Confusion.

00:00:00.000 If you don't get it, you don't get it.

00:00:02.000 They're about subterfuge.

00:00:04.000 And we're live, Tom Papa, who has a special this Friday coming out on Epix.

00:00:09.000 Oh, shit!

00:00:10.000 Oh, no way!

00:00:11.000 Oh, shit!

00:00:12.000 You're kind of special.

00:00:13.000 You mean stand-up?

00:00:13.000 It's comedy.

00:00:14.000 He tells jokes.

00:00:15.000 He's hilarious.

00:00:17.000 Hilarious and gregarious.

00:00:19.000 So charming.

00:00:21.000 He's a fucking sourdough expert.

00:00:25.000 The Sultan of Sourdough.

00:00:27.000 Where'd you film your special?

00:00:28.000 Cleveland.

00:00:29.000 Ah, Cleveland's fun.

00:00:30.000 I love Cleveland.

00:00:31.000 That's a good place to do it.

00:00:32.000 I've been going there for a long time.

00:00:34.000 And I love the people in Cleveland.

00:00:35.000 Where'd you do it?

00:00:36.000 What place?

00:00:37.000 Hannah Theatre.

00:00:37.000 Yeah?

00:00:38.000 In Playhouse Square District kind of thing.

00:00:42.000 Really nice theater.

00:00:43.000 And, you know, I've been going to Cleveland for a long time.

00:00:46.000 I like the people there.

00:00:47.000 It's got that good mix of, you know, hopefulness, but...

00:00:52.000 Grounded in reality.

00:00:54.000 It's making a comeback.

00:00:56.000 It is.

00:00:56.000 That city is really making a comeback.

00:00:58.000 It really is.

00:00:58.000 A lot of craft stores and craft breweries and nice restaurants.

00:01:02.000 I know.

00:01:02.000 When I started going there, you couldn't eat healthy if you tried.

00:01:06.000 It was just corned beef.

00:01:08.000 And now, 15 years later, there's vegan restaurants.

00:01:12.000 There's all these noodle places.

00:01:16.000 It's completely come up.

00:01:18.000 But when LeBron left...

00:01:21.000 They were devastated.

00:01:22.000 How crazy is that?

00:01:23.000 That one guy.

00:01:24.000 The whole city dipped.

00:01:25.000 Who throws a ball into a hole.

00:01:27.000 Completely.

00:01:27.000 They took his banner off the side of the building and it was over.

00:01:32.000 So sad.

00:01:32.000 And since he came back and then won it...

00:01:36.000 It's changed the whole place.

00:01:38.000 I remember how much they hated him when he left.

00:01:40.000 I was like, this is ridiculous.

00:01:42.000 Why are you so mad?

00:01:43.000 The guy had to get some money.

00:01:44.000 But it was real.

00:01:45.000 It was real.

00:01:46.000 There's a difference when you go there now.

00:01:48.000 People, there's a pride.

00:01:49.000 They're walking around.

00:01:50.000 Well, they have the heavyweight champion of the UFC, too.

00:01:52.000 Oh, they do?

00:01:53.000 Stipe Miocic.

00:01:54.000 He's from Cleveland, too.

00:01:55.000 He's from Cleveland, too.

00:01:55.000 And the baseball team went to the World Series.

00:01:58.000 So they were really pretty cocky.

00:02:01.000 But they have the Browns, which always...

00:02:03.000 Is that bad?

00:02:04.000 They're bad.

00:02:04.000 But they had Jim Brown.

00:02:05.000 They had Jim Brown.

00:02:07.000 But still, that's in the past.

00:02:08.000 They haven't won one game this year.

00:02:12.000 Really?

00:02:12.000 Their football team, yeah.

00:02:13.000 How many games have they played?

00:02:14.000 We're up to nine or ten.

00:02:17.000 Hey, give them some time.

00:02:19.000 They'll work it out.

00:02:20.000 That's only ten games.

00:02:22.000 No, but I really loved that city and I really liked it for stand-up and I figured it was a good mile marker.

00:02:28.000 You know, you do these specials and it's like, okay, this was this period, you know?

00:02:32.000 Yeah.

00:02:32.000 And I figured this was a good place.

00:02:34.000 I'd like to commemorate, you know, my time in Cleveland and this material at this point and it was good.

00:02:40.000 How often do you like to do specials?

00:02:44.000 This is my fourth...

00:02:46.000 And they come every like two and a half years?

00:02:50.000 Yeah, it's pretty much the standard number now.

00:02:54.000 A lot of guys were trying to do them every year, like Louie was doing one every year for a while.

00:02:58.000 But then he was like, you know what, they're not as good when I do it once a year.

00:03:01.000 They're not.

00:03:02.000 I call them premise pilots.

00:03:05.000 There's a lot, over the last five years, a lot of premise pilots, like people just rushing them out.

00:03:11.000 And it's like, yeah, that's a good idea.

00:03:13.000 Imagine in three years what that joke would be.

00:03:15.000 You know what I mean?

00:03:16.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:03:16.000 And that's the thing.

00:03:17.000 I think even two and a half years, and I try and just do it when it's ready, but...

00:03:21.000 I feel like two and a half years is kind of rushing it.

00:03:25.000 There's jokes.

00:03:26.000 If they stay in your act for five years, it's no joke that that thing becomes something different.

00:03:32.000 They become better.

00:03:33.000 They become better.

00:03:34.000 You find out where the beats are.

00:03:36.000 You find out where the pauses should be.

00:03:38.000 You find out where maybe there were some tags that you developed along the way that led you in a totally different direction.

00:03:44.000 You're thinking about it differently.

00:03:46.000 There's a confidence that you have in delivering it that's different than you just pushing it out there.

00:03:50.000 But you can't, the way that people digest everything now, you can't wait five years.

00:03:55.000 Yeah, isn't that the issue, is that you have a bunch of Tom Papa fans, and they would like to come see you again, but they want to see new shit.

00:04:00.000 It's not like the Rolling Stones.

00:04:02.000 You know, if you go to see the Rolling Stones, you want to hear Sympathy for the Devil, even though they wrote it in 1967, you know?

00:04:07.000 I know, but, you know, I go back and forth on that, because...

00:04:11.000 I'm sure you've had it, where you're in shows and you're at the end of your set or whatever and people start yelling out old bits that they want to see.

00:04:18.000 Right.

00:04:18.000 And there's something...

00:04:21.000 I know that you want to be new and you always want to push and you always want to create.

00:04:25.000 That's cool.

00:04:27.000 But I think it sells these bits short to think that nobody wants to see these again because...

00:04:33.000 I could watch you do that White House bit.

00:04:37.000 I know it.

00:04:38.000 I watched you working on it at the store.

00:04:41.000 I watched you developing it.

00:04:42.000 I've seen it a bunch.

00:04:44.000 A bunch!

00:04:45.000 I guarantee I could watch that bit.

00:04:49.000 Every week.

00:04:50.000 And like it.

00:04:51.000 And think it's funny.

00:04:52.000 When I worked with Seinfeld for years, I would watch that guy for about seven straight years.

00:04:58.000 And I'd watch, I'd hang out and watch, not the whole show, but when it came up to a favorite bit of mine, I was laughing.

00:05:05.000 I was laughing.

00:05:06.000 So I think you can, I think we in our own heads think that people don't want to see this, but they do want to see it.

00:05:13.000 Some do, but the ones who don't, when they say, oh, you're doing the same old jokes, that's so devastating that you gotta keep moving.

00:05:19.000 I know, you're right.

00:05:21.000 That does kill you.

00:05:22.000 The people that don't like it, that feeling way outweighs the rare people that don't mind the old jokes again.

00:05:29.000 When I see people after a set, and like, you know, in the lobby or whatever, And they're like, we see you every time you come through.

00:05:39.000 We saw you two times last year.

00:05:41.000 I completely go, my first question is, did you see some new stuff?

00:05:47.000 Nine times out of ten, they look at me like, well, yeah, but it's all great.

00:05:51.000 Like, they don't really care.

00:05:52.000 Like, those fans really don't care.

00:05:53.000 See, I don't concentrate on those people.

00:05:55.000 Those people are too easily satisfied.

00:05:56.000 I concentrate on the malcontents.

00:05:59.000 The people that just can't wait to get on Twitter immediately after this show is over.

00:06:03.000 Joe's still doing that White House bit.

00:06:04.000 That fucking premise is so tired.

00:06:07.000 The break-in happened in 2015, bro.

00:06:10.000 Yeah, but, you know, that's such a unique...

00:06:13.000 Wormy type of a fan.

00:06:15.000 Yeah, but those wormy type of fans, although they're not the happiest, nicest people in the world, they do keep you motivated and in check.

00:06:22.000 Yeah, for sure.

00:06:22.000 The worst thing that happened to a lot of comedians in the 80s is that they never wrote new material.

00:06:27.000 They just kept doing the same stuff.

00:06:29.000 They get 45 minutes and just rode it out their whole career.

00:06:32.000 Yeah, they had a set.

00:06:34.000 Jay Leno still does that.

00:06:36.000 Jay Leno is a brilliant comedian.

00:06:39.000 If you go back to the early days of The Tonight Show and The Letterman Show.

00:06:43.000 Letterman, yeah.

00:06:44.000 Leno was the edgy young guy that would come on and was this great joke writer.

00:06:50.000 Very relevant.

00:06:51.000 Sit down, boom, boom, boom.

00:06:53.000 He put out a Showtime special that I'm aware of that I watched a long time ago.

00:06:56.000 He might have found that and bought up every copy of it and burned it.

00:07:00.000 Yeah, I've never seen it.

00:07:01.000 He doesn't put out anything now.

00:07:03.000 Nothing.

00:07:03.000 When he goes on stage, he wants the audience to have no idea what his jokes are because they can never see him on the internet.

00:07:08.000 They can't find him anywhere.

00:07:10.000 He said that to me once.

00:07:11.000 He's like, why would you put out an album?

00:07:14.000 You're killing your act.

00:07:17.000 Your act feeds you.

00:07:19.000 Why would you just give that away?

00:07:21.000 But it's a different thing.

00:07:22.000 It's changed.

00:07:23.000 I think the media, how people can digest this stuff, has actually changed what a comedian is.

00:07:30.000 But with all due respect, when people today think about Jay Leno, they don't think of the great stand-up comedians today.

00:07:37.000 They don't think of Jay Leno.

00:07:39.000 No.

00:07:45.000 Cosby was still considered all-time great.

00:07:47.000 One of the all-time greats, right?

00:07:49.000 And Leno was in that ilk at one point in time.

00:07:52.000 He's not considered that.

00:07:55.000 No.

00:07:56.000 He's the Tonight Show guy.

00:07:57.000 Do you think it's because of the Tonight Show?

00:07:59.000 Do you think if he could have done the Tonight Show and put out more material, he would have?

00:08:03.000 For sure.

00:08:03.000 I mean, he has...

00:08:05.000 He has no body of work.

00:08:06.000 Right.

00:08:06.000 That's a big problem.

00:08:08.000 It's everything.

00:08:09.000 There's a lot of guys that are really good that we all know.

00:08:11.000 Like, Duncan Trussell's a perfect example.

00:08:13.000 Duncan Trussell's a brilliant comedian.

00:08:14.000 He has no body of work.

00:08:16.000 He doesn't have anything out.

00:08:17.000 Right.

00:08:18.000 I know.

00:08:19.000 And, you know, that's kind of where my head is at lately.

00:08:24.000 Whatever you're doing, whatever you're hustling, whatever you're trying to put out there, it's all about making stuff.

00:08:29.000 It's all about making stuff that you're proud of.

00:08:32.000 So now this is like the fourth one.

00:08:34.000 So now I can look back like, alright, this is growing.

00:08:37.000 This is stuff I'm proud of.

00:08:39.000 And then if I'm writing something, I just want to create as much as possible.

00:08:44.000 You know what I mean?

00:08:45.000 But there is definitely that side that, you know, I came up during an era when you didn't just make an album because you could record it on your phone.

00:08:56.000 Someone had to come and ask you.

00:08:57.000 You had to be good enough for someone to say, I want to make something with you.

00:09:01.000 So I still have that feeling that I'm not good enough.

00:09:06.000 So I don't want to put it out early because I don't feel like it's ready or it's worthy.

00:09:13.000 You know what I mean?

00:09:14.000 Yeah.

00:09:14.000 So I try and hold back as much as possible.

00:09:17.000 I don't feel like because Louis puts one out every year that I have to put one out every year.

00:09:22.000 Or to be so arrogant that, well, Carlin did it every year.

00:09:25.000 Well, that's George Carlin.

00:09:27.000 But even Carlin.

00:09:29.000 I mean, it's hard to talk bad about Carlin because he's dead and he's one of the all-time greats.

00:09:33.000 But there's some...

00:09:34.000 Yeah, some questionable stuff in there.

00:09:36.000 Yeah.

00:09:37.000 Wasn't that good?

00:09:37.000 Yeah, there's some specials where...

00:09:39.000 Yeah, I mean, he had some brilliant jokes, no doubt about it.

00:09:41.000 But when you're doing a new hour every year, some of it's just not up to the same standards as some of your classics.

00:09:47.000 Like, he has some classics.

00:09:49.000 Oh my god.

00:09:50.000 The best.

00:09:51.000 Yeah.

00:09:51.000 But, you know, at the end, he was calling himself a writer.

00:09:55.000 More than a comedian.

00:09:56.000 He said, I like to be called a writer.

00:09:57.000 And that's how he was doing the act.

00:09:59.000 He was writing out.

00:10:00.000 He'd be at the Comedy Magic Club with his printed out sheets memorizing, like a play, like memorizing all this material to then take it out.

00:10:10.000 And that's a different thing.

00:10:11.000 You can put that together in a year, but it doesn't have the seasoning, the confidence, the ins and outs that if you just toured with that for three years...

00:10:20.000 Yeah.

00:10:21.000 Oh, my God, what it would become.

00:10:23.000 Tours is a big thing, too, man, because when I do a theater, if I do a theater on a weekend, like, say, if I do Friday night at a theater or Saturday night at a theater, there's a giant difference between doing that and doing, like, a weekend at the Comedy Works in Denver where you're doing four shows, two shows Friday,

00:10:38.000 two shows Saturday.

00:10:38.000 That's when bits come alive.

00:10:40.000 They get those extra taglines.

00:10:42.000 They get those extra...

00:10:43.000 You're so different from Thursday night first show to Saturday last show.

00:10:48.000 Yeah.

00:10:48.000 That first one, you're, yeah, okay, I'm doing it, you know, people are having a good time, but eh, Saturday, you're just, you're like, you could just kick back and just, there's this natural zone that you can be in that you don't have the, you just don't have the confidence.

00:11:04.000 You know, you have to be out there all the time.

00:11:06.000 And I think that's the hard part, you know, Jay, back to Jay doing The Tonight Show.

00:11:11.000 He was working on that monologue.

00:11:13.000 I mean, he was doing 12-minute monologues.

00:11:16.000 They could have just thrown those away.

00:11:18.000 Let me just tell you this right now.

00:11:20.000 I've never liked a fucking monologue ever in the history of late-night television.

00:11:23.000 There's not one where I'm like, finally, the monologue!

00:11:27.000 They're dogshit.

00:11:28.000 Just go right.

00:11:29.000 Every joke sucks.

00:11:31.000 They're mildly amusing at best.

00:11:33.000 But he would disagree, because he said that Letterman was doing a six-minute monologue, and people were turning off and going to the commercial and going to the next thing.

00:11:43.000 So he said, if I could keep it, if I could do twice that, people aren't changing.

00:11:48.000 And he beat Letterman all the time from that segment of the show.

00:11:53.000 The ratings were strong enough and he held on to them, this is just his business mind working, that he hung on to them and kept them in there, and that's why he was number one all this time.

00:12:03.000 Well, it was the Hugh Grant thing.

00:12:05.000 Remember?

00:12:06.000 When he had Hugh Grant on, and he said, what the hell were you thinking?

00:12:10.000 Right.

00:12:11.000 Which is a disingenuous question.

00:12:13.000 He was thinking, I want to get my dick sucked by this hot black chick. 1.00

00:12:15.000 Right.

00:12:16.000 And if I pay her money, she's going to do it.

00:12:17.000 He's just all, shucks.

00:12:18.000 He knows what the fuck he's thinking.

00:12:20.000 Yeah.

00:12:21.000 But Jay really thought that the monologue was his thing and that he had to pour everything into it.

00:12:27.000 And he would work on it as soon as that one was over.

00:12:31.000 He would fly off and do gigs in Vegas.

00:12:33.000 He was working on it constantly, sending jokes to his guy, coming in the next day.

00:12:38.000 I mean, to do 12 minutes of new jokes every day, you're not writing your act.

00:12:43.000 You're not working on your act.

00:12:44.000 When you get busy and have other projects and stuff, your act's, you know.

00:12:48.000 Have you seen Craig Ferguson do stand-up?

00:12:51.000 I have not.

00:12:53.000 That's what he does now.

00:12:54.000 He's a stand-up.

00:12:55.000 He's touring now.

00:12:56.000 And he was doing it while he was doing the show.

00:12:58.000 I don't know how much he did before he did his show, but then once he did his show, I would go places and they said, yeah, we had Craig Ferguson last night.

00:13:06.000 I'm like, Craig Ferguson?

00:13:08.000 The talk show guy?

00:13:09.000 I didn't even know he was a comic.

00:13:10.000 And they go, yeah, yeah, he's a comic.

00:13:12.000 I'm like, wow, interesting.

00:13:13.000 Did you see his act?

00:13:15.000 Nope.

00:13:15.000 That's what I was asking you.

00:13:16.000 Because that's what he does now.

00:13:17.000 He just decided, I'd rather just do stand-up.

00:13:20.000 He's a weird one, man.

00:13:21.000 They didn't get rid of him.

00:13:22.000 He just said, I don't want to do it anymore.

00:13:24.000 I know.

00:13:25.000 And then he's hosting two different game shows.

00:13:28.000 Is he?

00:13:28.000 Yeah.

00:13:29.000 Where are they?

00:13:29.000 He's got this one show where it's kind of like two teams and they do charades against each other kind of a show.

00:13:37.000 And he's in the middle of it.

00:13:38.000 And then I did an appearance on his new show on...

00:13:43.000 National Geographic or History?

00:13:44.000 I think it was History.

00:13:45.000 And he brought a panel out.

00:13:46.000 It was me and Lars from Metallica and a writer.

00:13:49.000 And we had discussed...

00:13:51.000 It was like the list...

00:13:52.000 I forget the name of it.

00:13:53.000 It was like the list of something and we had to pick the top five bands of all time.

00:13:57.000 It was just like this funny game show, talk show kind of a thing.

00:14:01.000 But he's always popping up and doing...

00:14:04.000 That kind of stuff.

00:14:05.000 It'd be interesting to see what his act was.

00:14:07.000 Because whenever I hear that, my first inkling is, I was probably telling stories about celebrities.

00:14:14.000 Like Kathy Griffin style? 0.85

00:14:16.000 Yeah.

00:14:18.000 You ever watch comedians and then they become famous?

00:14:20.000 And then they start telling stories about, oh, this is when I ran into so-and-so in the locker room.

00:14:25.000 It's all celebrity stuff because they're not living their life.

00:14:28.000 But Ferguson, I had heard that he used to write a lot, and he was always trying to come up with stuff, so maybe it's a real act.

00:14:37.000 Well, the people that worked at the theater that I worked at or, you know, who were there the night before, they said it was funny.

00:14:44.000 Yeah.

00:14:44.000 So I would like to see it, see what that's about.

00:14:46.000 But I always find it interesting when people just, they get some sort of a mainstream gig like that and they do it for a while and they go, oh, I'm done.

00:14:54.000 Yeah.

00:14:54.000 I'm done.

00:14:55.000 Well, he got passed over for Letterman's job.

00:14:57.000 Oh, is that what it is?

00:14:58.000 Is that why he quit?

00:14:59.000 He didn't get that job.

00:15:00.000 That's when it all went down.

00:15:01.000 Yeah, meanwhile, that job sucks.

00:15:03.000 Yeah.

00:15:04.000 I'm going...

00:15:05.000 Look.

00:15:05.000 It's a tough job.

00:15:06.000 What's happening to Colbert?

00:15:07.000 Colbert?

00:15:08.000 Colbert.

00:15:08.000 Nobody likes him anymore.

00:15:09.000 Everybody loved him.

00:15:10.000 He should have stuck with that other fucking job.

00:15:13.000 Colbert as Colbert was great.

00:15:15.000 Yeah.

00:15:16.000 Colbert as whoever the fuck he really is.

00:15:18.000 I don't like that guy.

00:15:20.000 When he was on, he had Gaffigan on and Maria Shriver, and they were all talking about how great it is to be a Catholic.

00:15:28.000 I'm like, check, please.

00:15:30.000 Get the fuck- What, on the show?

00:15:31.000 Yeah.

00:15:32.000 Oh, really?

00:15:32.000 Being a Catholic's amazing.

00:15:33.000 There's a billion of us.

00:15:34.000 I'm like, what?

00:15:35.000 Really?

00:15:36.000 What am I watching?

00:15:37.000 Because Colbert is like a serious Catholic. 0.79

00:15:39.000 Yeah, I knew that, but I didn't know we talked about it on the show like that.

00:15:42.000 It was bizarre.

00:15:44.000 I'm doing that show on Thursday.

00:15:46.000 Bring it up.

00:15:47.000 I'm going to bring it up in the middle of my set.

00:15:50.000 Show up dressed like the Pope.

00:15:52.000 See what they say.

00:15:53.000 See if they get mad at you.

00:15:55.000 Yeah.

00:15:56.000 Just wear the wizard costume.

00:15:57.000 That's a weird job.

00:16:00.000 It's a very weird job.

00:16:01.000 You're basically selling other people's stuff.

00:16:03.000 Mm-hmm.

00:16:04.000 Yeah.

00:16:05.000 All the time.

00:16:06.000 And you have these little short sound bites.

00:16:07.000 I did Conan back when he was in New York.

00:16:10.000 And, uh, I, uh, it was, I don't know how many times I had done the show.

00:16:14.000 I did it a lot.

00:16:15.000 I don't know.

00:16:16.000 Probably the eighth time.

00:16:18.000 And, uh...

00:16:19.000 I was there, the show was over, and Conan's walking through the halls, and he's got his guitar with him.

00:16:24.000 And he comes over, and I said, thanks for having me.

00:16:27.000 It's so great.

00:16:27.000 I love coming in here.

00:16:28.000 He goes, yeah, it's great for you, because you get to come in here and do the show, and then you get to leave and go about your life.

00:16:35.000 I'm here every single day.

00:16:37.000 He starts playing on the guitar.

00:16:38.000 Ding, ding, ding.

00:16:39.000 Every single day.

00:16:41.000 I never leave these halls.

00:16:43.000 Every single day.

00:16:44.000 I was like, it really sunk in.

00:16:46.000 Was he serious?

00:16:47.000 He was serious.

00:16:47.000 Was he bummed out?

00:16:48.000 It's just a little, you know, one of those manic moments of, you know, but you're, that's in New York.

00:16:53.000 Now he's been doing the show for how many more years?

00:16:56.000 Yeah, I did it way back in the day in New York and he had a punching bag.

00:16:59.000 Yes, in his office.

00:17:00.000 Yeah.

00:17:01.000 Does he get crazy when he gets frustrated and starts wailing on that thing?

00:17:04.000 Yeah.

00:17:04.000 Fucking network!

00:17:05.000 Wham, wham, wham, wham!

00:17:07.000 I want the Tonight Show!

00:17:08.000 Yeah.

00:17:09.000 Yeah.

00:17:10.000 No, that's a real gig.

00:17:11.000 I mean, you're just, that's a different life.

00:17:14.000 You're That was a weird moment too in the annals of showbiz history when they gave him the gig and then they put Leno on before him.

00:17:21.000 So crazy.

00:17:22.000 I'm like, what are you doing?

00:17:23.000 Like, what is this?

00:17:24.000 Leno's on at 10?

00:17:25.000 Yeah.

00:17:26.000 And then you guys are cannibalizing yourself.

00:17:29.000 Brutal.

00:17:30.000 You have two talk show hosts in a row.

00:17:31.000 How do you choose who goes on what show?

00:17:34.000 Like, what are you doing?

00:17:36.000 Who did that? 0.91

00:17:37.000 Whose idea was that?

00:17:38.000 Jeff Zucker, I think.

00:17:39.000 Oh, Jeff.

00:17:40.000 I love Jeff.

00:17:41.000 Jeff's a great guy.

00:17:41.000 I know.

00:17:42.000 Jeff gave me my first break on television, but holy cow, that was a weird moment.

00:17:48.000 Well...

00:17:48.000 I mean, imagine if you're Conan.

00:17:50.000 Imagine if you get the Tonight Show, your lifelong dream, and then the guy you took it from, they tell you, he's going to go on before you because your ratings are so-so.

00:17:59.000 We're going to put him on at 10 o'clock.

00:18:02.000 Oh! 0.60

00:18:03.000 And then you gotta go out there and give the monologue.

00:18:05.000 How much time went by before they put Leno on before him?

00:18:10.000 It wasn't that long.

00:18:12.000 They don't give you much time.

00:18:13.000 It wasn't that long.

00:18:14.000 I want to say maybe a year.

00:18:16.000 Maybe.

00:18:17.000 But it just wasn't hitting.

00:18:19.000 Well, it's one of those things where, in order for a show to develop, it has to find its legs.

00:18:25.000 You have to have faith in whoever's doing it, that they're going to figure it out.

00:18:29.000 But they don't always do that.

00:18:31.000 They don't always have faith.

00:18:32.000 And then they put tremendous pressure on you, and then...

00:18:36.000 Advertisers don't want to spend money because the ratings aren't high enough, so you're bleeding revenue, and you have all these producers, and everyone's sketchy, and everyone has their own idea of how to juice it up, and then they have meetings.

00:18:47.000 Pressure.

00:18:48.000 And what's so strange to me in that scenario when it was all going down, when he had his thing in New York, it was locked in, he had his fans, it was solid.

00:18:56.000 And doing the same thing in a bigger studio across the country, it was different.

00:19:01.000 It was weirder.

00:19:03.000 It was airier.

00:19:04.000 Something was...

00:19:05.000 It was also on earlier.

00:19:06.000 There was more expectations.

00:19:08.000 It was more mainstream expectations.

00:19:10.000 Like that late thing is kind of like relaxed.

00:19:12.000 Like Carson Daly was on TV forever and no one noticed.

00:19:16.000 He's still doing it.

00:19:18.000 You just kind of get away with it.

00:19:19.000 I know.

00:19:20.000 Because you're on at two o'clock in the morning.

00:19:21.000 Everybody's like, hey, we're good.

00:19:22.000 We're good.

00:19:23.000 See you tomorrow.

00:19:23.000 No one cares.

00:19:24.000 I was like, all right, we're still doing it.

00:19:25.000 Yeah, Ford's still buying time on that show.

00:19:27.000 This is not a diss on Carson Daly at all.

00:19:29.000 He's a very nice guy.

00:19:30.000 No, but it's being protected.

00:19:31.000 You're protected.

00:19:32.000 You don't have that pressure of being in that thing.

00:19:35.000 I was there for the very early days of Conan because my friend Amir was one of the writers on Conan's show.

00:19:42.000 So I went to one of the third or fourth tapings ever when they had the monologue scripted.

00:19:49.000 And they had it on giant cue cards.

00:19:51.000 It was really gross for the audience, because right behind Andy Richter would be someone holding a cue card, and behind Conan would be someone holding a cue card.

00:20:00.000 And it had, like, Conan, Andy, and then the- No.

00:20:03.000 Yes!

00:20:04.000 The words they would say.

00:20:05.000 So they would have a scripted, like, this conversation would happen.

00:20:09.000 Yeah.

00:20:09.000 Would be scripted.

00:20:10.000 Weird.

00:20:11.000 Bizarre.

00:20:12.000 That's really crazy.

00:20:13.000 Like that.

00:20:13.000 Like, as if there's a bizarre right after- Yeah.

00:20:15.000 And now you go.

00:20:17.000 It's funny you mention that because our next guest is...

00:20:21.000 Weird as well.

00:20:22.000 So somebody had to go up to Conan and go, listen, we need to script your monologue.

00:20:26.000 And then we need to script your dialogue.

00:20:29.000 We need to script your banter.

00:20:30.000 We need to script everything.

00:20:32.000 We're leaving nothing to chance.

00:20:33.000 Just that.

00:20:34.000 It wasn't good.

00:20:36.000 It wasn't good.

00:20:36.000 It was very awkward in the day.

00:20:38.000 And I think he found himself and became like this sort of zany, fun guy.

00:20:42.000 His show is still super creative.

00:20:45.000 It's still...

00:20:47.000 I mean, not that many people see it as compared to the old days, but they're always doing original funny stuff.

00:20:55.000 It's alive.

00:20:56.000 I don't know how you keep doing that for that many years, but it is still a unique, really funny place on television, for sure.

00:21:05.000 It's his job.

00:21:06.000 I mean, that's what he does.

00:21:07.000 Yeah, that's his thing.

00:21:09.000 That's his gig.

00:21:10.000 Yeah, it is...

00:21:11.000 You know what else is awkward, too?

00:21:13.000 Here's the thing that sucks the most about those shows, is that you have these six, seven-minute segments where you just sit down and you just kind of force a bunch of subjects into these...

00:21:24.000 He had Burr on the other day, and in one thing, there was this really awkward segue.

00:21:30.000 What about the NFL? I know the NFL bothers you.

00:21:33.000 He's like, what?

00:21:33.000 They were just talking about...

00:21:35.000 Trump, and then they just switch gears.

00:21:38.000 Right.

00:21:38.000 Like, super awkward segue.

00:21:39.000 Yeah, and you're looking down at the car.

00:21:41.000 Yeah.

00:21:41.000 Just jumps right into it.

00:21:42.000 I'm like, oh, I guess you got to.

00:21:44.000 Yeah, but you know, I really feel as a comedian, that's why comedians are the best guests on those shows.

00:21:49.000 Like, you should just sit down and go.

00:21:51.000 Just go.

00:21:52.000 I watched Rodney doing The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson.

00:21:56.000 Did a six-minute set, you know, standing there doing his thing.

00:22:01.000 All right, great.

00:22:01.000 And then he walks over, sits down.

00:22:03.000 And then four minutes, Johnny asked him one question, and he just went.

00:22:07.000 He just, joke, joke, joke, joke, joke.

00:22:09.000 And, oh, really?

00:22:10.000 Yeah, joke, joke, joke.

00:22:11.000 Good night, everybody.

00:22:12.000 I mean, that's your job.

00:22:13.000 Why do we have to make this look like...

00:22:15.000 It's a conversation.

00:22:17.000 Right.

00:22:17.000 Especially with a guy like Rodney.

00:22:19.000 That's where he was in his element.

00:22:21.000 Just rapid fire.

00:22:24.000 Oh, my doctor, let me tell you.

00:22:27.000 You know the story of Rodney?

00:22:28.000 How he took more than a decade off of show business, but the entire time he was writing jokes, but he was selling aluminum siding and shit.

00:22:36.000 Yeah, didn't he keep the jokes in a briefcase or something?

00:22:38.000 I don't know, but he just kept writing.

00:22:39.000 So when he came back and started doing stand-up again, which I believe was in his 40s, Yeah, it was in his 40s.

00:22:45.000 He had massive amounts of material.

00:22:47.000 Amazing.

00:22:48.000 I heard that he...

00:22:49.000 Is this true?

00:22:50.000 Have you ever heard this?

00:22:51.000 That he had switched acts with another comic?

00:22:54.000 No.

00:22:54.000 That he wasn't going anywhere and his buddy wasn't going anywhere and they switched acts?

00:22:58.000 Did you ever heard that?

00:22:59.000 No, no, no.

00:23:01.000 I never heard that.

00:23:01.000 Yeah.

00:23:02.000 I don't know.

00:23:03.000 I don't know if it's true or not, but...

00:23:05.000 What a funny dude.

00:23:07.000 Apparently, no respect at all.

00:23:11.000 God damn it.

00:23:12.000 I'm trying to find out what movie it was that caused him to change it.

00:23:17.000 It used to be like, I can't catch a break.

00:23:20.000 He had an early sort of tagline.

00:23:23.000 And then he changed it to, I don't get no respect.

00:23:26.000 I got no respect at all.

00:23:27.000 No respect at all.

00:23:28.000 And then clicks.

00:23:29.000 See if you can find out the origin of that, Jamie.

00:23:32.000 That's amazing.

00:23:33.000 Because there was a specific reason why he went from this one catch to respect.

00:23:40.000 Fuck, I'm trying to remember who told me.

00:23:42.000 Someone who's a giant Rodney fan.

00:23:45.000 Maybe it was Dave Smith.

00:23:46.000 Was it Dave Smith?

00:23:47.000 The comedian that came in here?

00:23:48.000 Maybe.

00:23:49.000 So at some point he was saying, things just don't go well for me.

00:23:52.000 Yeah, something along those lines.

00:23:53.000 And it wasn't hitting.

00:23:54.000 It just wasn't.

00:23:54.000 Isn't that weird?

00:23:55.000 Yeah.

00:23:56.000 Just those little words.

00:23:57.000 It wasn't catchy enough.

00:23:57.000 Get her done.

00:23:58.000 Get her done?

00:23:59.000 Really?

00:24:00.000 Get her done is a classic, right?

00:24:01.000 Those things are just, they just catch.

00:24:04.000 Well, I remember when Chappelle could not go on stage because dumb, drunk white boys would yell out, I'm Rick James, bitch!

00:24:12.000 Yeah.

00:24:13.000 It was always white guys, too.

00:24:14.000 Because they were so hooked on it.

00:24:16.000 Hooked on it.

00:24:16.000 I know.

00:24:17.000 Sorry, Dave.

00:24:18.000 So sorry, white guys, too.

00:24:20.000 At least I'm a white guy myself, so that was a giant problem.

00:24:25.000 I saw him at the House of Blues in Vegas, and literally the show was a clusterfuck.

00:24:30.000 Because people were just yelling out, I'm Rick James, bitch!

00:24:33.000 It's weird, like...

00:24:35.000 It's in the one side, it's like people love you so much, but the other side is like, you're killing me.

00:24:41.000 Well, that was a saying that people love to say.

00:24:44.000 They just love to say, I'm Rick James, bitch. 1.00

00:24:47.000 So they would just see him right there, and they just want to yell it out.

00:24:50.000 I want to feel it.

00:24:51.000 I want to feel that sound.

00:24:53.000 Yeah, Sacha Baron Cohen, right?

00:24:54.000 How long is he walking around?

00:24:55.000 Like, my wife!

00:24:56.000 Yeah, right?

00:24:57.000 Right?

00:24:58.000 I have no catchphrases.

00:25:00.000 When I was a young comic, I watched a guy.

00:25:03.000 I opened for some guy in Virginia.

00:25:05.000 It was one of my first road things ever.

00:25:07.000 And this guy was really hacky, and he had a line in his act, and then he would sell the t-shirt with that line.

00:25:14.000 Oh, God.

00:25:15.000 And then he was also getting drunk, you know.

00:25:18.000 Before the second show and he did the second show and brought the t-shirt out at the end and there was like no response because he was so drunk he forgot to do the hacky bit to sell his t-shirt.

00:25:31.000 I saw that and I was like, I don't care how much money is making him sell these shirts, I am not going down that road.

00:25:37.000 That's a big thing though for road guys is merch.

00:25:40.000 Huge.

00:25:41.000 They go nuts with the merch.

00:25:43.000 People love merch.

00:25:44.000 I'm such a bad businessman.

00:25:45.000 I just feel like it's all about the show.

00:25:48.000 It's about the show.

00:25:48.000 It's about me on stage.

00:25:49.000 This was great.

00:25:50.000 I can't go to the lobby.

00:25:53.000 And start making change for 20s.

00:25:55.000 I can't do it.

00:25:56.000 I can't.

00:25:57.000 I've sold t-shirts at one or two shows ever, and I've sold CDs at one or two shows ever, and then I'm like, I can't do it anymore.

00:26:06.000 Right?

00:26:07.000 What is that?

00:26:07.000 Why?

00:26:08.000 I can't do it either.

00:26:09.000 Because you feel like a whore.

00:26:09.000 These people already paid to see it.

00:26:11.000 First of all, today, they could always get your stuff.

00:26:13.000 They could always go online.

00:26:14.000 Yeah.

00:26:14.000 And who wants a physical copy of anything anyway?

00:26:16.000 Right.

00:26:17.000 A DVD or something?

00:26:18.000 My computer doesn't even have a slot for it.

00:26:22.000 That's right.

00:26:22.000 I know.

00:26:23.000 Exactly.

00:26:24.000 You ever see what Pablo does?

00:26:26.000 No.

00:26:26.000 Not Pablo.

00:26:27.000 Gabriel?

00:26:28.000 Gabriel.

00:26:29.000 No, not Gabriel.

00:26:30.000 I like how you lump all those Mexicans in together. 1.00

00:26:31.000 It's a third one.

00:26:33.000 It's a third one.

00:26:34.000 Who's the other one?

00:26:34.000 George Lopez?

00:26:35.000 No, your guy.

00:26:36.000 The big controversy guy.

00:26:37.000 Oh, Minstelia.

00:26:38.000 Minstelia.

00:26:40.000 He records his set, and then he has a guy, his opener, when he's done, goodnight everybody, the opener comes up and does another ten minutes.

00:26:49.000 While on this disc drive, they burn all of these little, what do they call them?

00:26:55.000 Thumb drives.

00:26:56.000 Of what you just saw.

00:26:58.000 So you can buy the original set of what you just saw on your way out.

00:27:02.000 That's smart.

00:27:03.000 Then he has another guy, takes pictures, and sells those.

00:27:07.000 You can get a picture taken with the guy.

00:27:09.000 I mean, it's a huge...

00:27:09.000 Huge business.

00:27:10.000 Yeah, the picture taking is gross.

00:27:12.000 Huge business.

00:27:12.000 Charging people to take a picture is gross.

00:27:15.000 Yeah, and then they put in a laminate.

00:27:16.000 You can have like a degrees.

00:27:17.000 It's like going to see Santa.

00:27:18.000 You can get the copy.

00:27:19.000 You can get one copy or you can get the thing in the laminate with the snowflakes on it.

00:27:23.000 I kind of feel bad calling him and steal you again.

00:27:25.000 Like I'm shitting on him while he's down.

00:27:27.000 Because I should just let it go.

00:27:28.000 But the photograph thing, like charging people to take a photograph, there was always that.

00:27:33.000 He always did that.

00:27:34.000 He always did that.

00:27:34.000 I was like, that is just gross.

00:27:35.000 Just take a picture with people.

00:27:36.000 They're nice.

00:27:37.000 They want to take a picture with you.

00:27:38.000 It's not hard to do.

00:27:39.000 I don't mind going out and talking to them and letting them take their pictures and just saying hello to people.

00:27:44.000 Yeah.

00:27:44.000 I just can't get into the selling thing.

00:27:48.000 I hear you.

00:27:48.000 If you're sensitive about your work and you get through the set and you put everything you had into it and you think they had a good time...

00:27:56.000 Let's not judge each other for another time on the way out of the building.

00:28:00.000 You know what I mean?

00:28:01.000 Let's just have a nice moment.

00:28:03.000 Let's not make it, oh, now he wants me to buy a shirt from him.

00:28:06.000 Yeah, would it be nice to just say hi to people, too, and not have to take a photograph?

00:28:10.000 I understand that people want to take photographs, and I'm happy to take them, but it's like that moment then becomes this pose instead of like, hey, what's up?

00:28:18.000 How are you?

00:28:19.000 Nice to meet you.

00:28:19.000 What's going on?

00:28:20.000 Right, exactly.

00:28:21.000 You know, like everybody, like people can't meet anybody anymore.

00:28:25.000 Everybody has to, you have to immediately get your phone out.

00:28:28.000 And it doesn't matter what you're doing.

00:28:29.000 People want to take, like, I went to see Honey Honey and Gary Clark Jr. the other night.

00:28:33.000 Oh, nice.

00:28:34.000 Late night show, midnight, at the Down and Out in downtown LA. Sweet.

00:28:38.000 And while the show's going on, like, we're standing there watching the show, and people were...

00:28:43.000 Just grabbing my arm, trying to get me to take pictures with him.

00:28:45.000 I'm like, stop!

00:28:46.000 I'm not taking a picture, I'm watching a show.

00:28:47.000 I love that beginning of your special.

00:28:49.000 The first thing you said was, put your phone down!

00:28:53.000 Put your phone, you're in your special, literally, the first thing out of your mouth was...

00:28:58.000 Put your phone down.

00:28:59.000 It can't be in the moment.

00:29:00.000 It was great.

00:29:01.000 Meanwhile, I take videos of Gary Clark when he was on stage the other day.

00:29:07.000 I know.

00:29:07.000 It's all part of the experience.

00:29:09.000 But I wanted to promote them, too.

00:29:11.000 1986, he explained the origin of respect.

00:29:15.000 Here it goes.

00:29:16.000 I had this joke.

00:29:17.000 I play hide-and-seek.

00:29:18.000 Won't even look for me.

00:29:18.000 To make it worse, you look for something you put in front of it.

00:29:21.000 I was so poor.

00:29:22.000 I was so dumb.

00:29:23.000 So this.

00:29:24.000 So that.

00:29:24.000 I thought...

00:29:25.000 Now, what fits that joke?

00:29:27.000 Well, no one like me was alright, but then I thought a more profound thing would be I get no respect.

00:29:33.000 Hmm, that's not totally true because there was a movie.

00:29:38.000 There was a movie that had something about respect in it.

00:29:43.000 His Wikipedia says it's about pretty much the same thing that it came from appearances on the Ed Sullivan Show.

00:29:48.000 And this is almost the same thing.

00:29:51.000 He tells a joke right here.

00:29:52.000 No, I'm sure.

00:29:53.000 I'm sure.

00:29:53.000 But someone told me the history of deciding respect, that it was based on some movie that was famous at the time, like maybe even a mob movie.

00:30:04.000 Damn, I hate not remembering shit.

00:30:06.000 When you look at that list of comedians, it's like Tim Allen had the ooh, ooh, ooh.

00:30:11.000 Yeah.

00:30:12.000 And then, you know, everybody does have a little hooky thing.

00:30:16.000 It's weird.

00:30:17.000 Oh, oh! 0.58

00:30:18.000 You might be a redneck. 0.79

00:30:20.000 Oh, yeah.

00:30:21.000 You might be a redneck was giant. 1.00

00:30:22.000 Yeah, you know?

00:30:23.000 That was one of the first bits I saw in C.S. Steel.

00:30:27.000 Really?

00:30:27.000 Yeah.

00:30:28.000 No, I'm a redneck.

00:30:30.000 Oh, yeah.

00:30:30.000 No.

00:30:31.000 Oh, yeah.

00:30:32.000 Ow! 1.00

00:30:32.000 Pre-internet. 1.00

00:30:34.000 How?

00:30:34.000 94. Oh my god.

00:30:36.000 Yeah.

00:30:36.000 That's when I realized.

00:30:37.000 I was like, what?

00:30:39.000 Yeah.

00:30:40.000 Sorry.

00:30:41.000 Your family tree does not fork.

00:30:42.000 It's one of those.

00:30:43.000 Really?

00:30:44.000 Yeah.

00:30:44.000 I was like, holy shit.

00:30:46.000 Oh my god.

00:30:47.000 Yeah.

00:30:48.000 I feel like taking the picture is kind of better than talking to them, though.

00:30:54.000 Because...

00:30:57.000 I always find, like, I want to...

00:30:59.000 They'll say something about the act or something, and then the first sentence is great.

00:31:03.000 Be like, oh, it was really funny.

00:31:04.000 I loved when you did the thing.

00:31:05.000 Oh, that's good.

00:31:06.000 I've been working on that.

00:31:07.000 And then I want to talk real about it, about the act.

00:31:11.000 And then I always find myself, like, they meet you, and they're like, oh, this is great.

00:31:15.000 I get to talk to them.

00:31:16.000 And then you start talking, and then they end up slowly walking away.

00:31:19.000 And you're like, I've been really working on this bit, and I'm having a hard time with the tag.

00:31:23.000 Boring!

00:31:24.000 And they just kind of drift away, like...

00:31:26.000 Oh, he's not as much fun as we thought.

00:31:28.000 Oh, you mean you didn't just make that up on the spot?

00:31:31.000 So I feel like if they take a picture, we'd get through it and move on.

00:31:35.000 Yeah, well, Jamie and I do this thing that I stole from Steve-O. Steve-O's idea.

00:31:43.000 It's a great idea.

00:31:44.000 Steve-O takes photos, but then you have to go to his website to get the photos.

00:31:48.000 That way people don't fumble with their cameras and their phones.

00:31:50.000 I tried that once.

00:31:51.000 Because the phones take fucking...

00:31:52.000 Nobody knows how to use their goddamn phone.

00:31:54.000 Oh, take my picture.

00:31:54.000 How does this work?

00:31:55.000 You give someone an Android phone, you might as well give them a fucking thesaurus.

00:31:59.000 Give them a book to read.

00:32:01.000 I know.

00:32:01.000 Nobody knows how to work a fucking Android phone.

00:32:03.000 I tried to do it.

00:32:04.000 I had my buddy take pictures and then we posted them on the line and they could go get them.

00:32:08.000 First of all, everybody was so...

00:32:10.000 Then you spent the whole time saying, can I just take it with my phone?

00:32:13.000 No, this is how we do it.

00:32:14.000 You've got to hire a security person to say that.

00:32:16.000 Hire one of the security people at the club and say, put your phones away.

00:32:19.000 The pictures will be available online tonight.

00:32:22.000 That's the only way to do it.

00:32:23.000 When you're doing thousands of photos, though, there's only one way to do it.

00:32:25.000 Yeah, if you're doing that.

00:32:27.000 That's why I sit in the back and eat a salad and wait for the second show.

00:32:29.000 That's a good move, too.

00:32:30.000 I know.

00:32:31.000 That's a good move.

00:32:32.000 I know.

00:32:32.000 Depends on where you're at, too, though.

00:32:34.000 Yeah.

00:32:35.000 Do you like comedy clubs or do you like work in theaters?

00:32:38.000 Like this place in Cleveland, how many seats was it?

00:32:40.000 It was about 600, 700, something like that.

00:32:43.000 That's a good size.

00:32:44.000 Yeah, that was perfect.

00:32:45.000 Perfect size.

00:32:45.000 I did the Fillmore in San Francisco.

00:32:47.000 That's where I did my special, which is smaller than that.

00:32:49.000 That's like 450. 450. Yeah.

00:32:51.000 Perfect.

00:32:52.000 That's good.

00:32:52.000 It's a good size.

00:32:53.000 That's perfect.

00:32:54.000 But it's not as good as the Comedy Works, because the Comedy Works is a low ceiling.

00:32:59.000 Oh yeah, it had a high ceiling?

00:33:00.000 Low ceilings are where it's at, man.

00:33:02.000 Those little jammed up original room at the Comedy Store rooms.

00:33:06.000 People don't realize that energy is such a real, real thing.

00:33:11.000 It is a real, given back and forth, you're riding this, it's not a mystical, it's a real, I'm getting from them, I'm giving it back, we're playing with this energy.

00:33:23.000 That's why if you do an outdoor show, it sucks, because it's just poof!

00:33:27.000 It's just evaporating, it's going up like smoke.

00:33:30.000 One thing, did you have any hecklers?

00:33:32.000 No.

00:33:33.000 I had three out of four shows people heckled.

00:33:36.000 Really?

00:33:36.000 Three out of four.

00:33:37.000 And they weren't even being mean.

00:33:38.000 They wanted to talk.

00:33:40.000 They wanted to get on the show.

00:33:41.000 They love you.

00:33:42.000 I even asked people before the show.

00:33:43.000 I said, I'm filming here.

00:33:45.000 Please don't yell at anything.

00:33:46.000 They still did.

00:33:48.000 People got so mad at them.

00:33:50.000 People were so mad at them.

00:33:51.000 Oh, yeah?

00:33:52.000 Oh, yeah.

00:33:53.000 And then it creates this riff.

00:33:54.000 People are like, shut the fuck up!

00:33:56.000 Oh, Jesus Christ.

00:33:57.000 My taping.

00:33:58.000 No, my people were a little civilized.

00:34:01.000 Maybe your people are more civilized than other people.

00:34:03.000 They're middle-aged women. 1.00

00:34:04.000 Oh, is that what it is?

00:34:05.000 You getting a lot of that?

00:34:06.000 I get a lot of family people.

00:34:09.000 MILFs? 0.80

00:34:09.000 A lot of MILFs. 0.80

00:34:10.000 A lot of side boob. 1.00

00:34:13.000 Selfies at the end of the show.

00:34:14.000 Drunken, lipstick on their teeth.

00:34:17.000 Oh my god, they're there with their husbands taking their picture and they're squeezing your ass as they're taking it. 0.97

00:34:21.000 They're squeezing and then clawing your back, doing the finger thing on your back to let you know they're interested.

00:34:27.000 Ooh, excited.

00:34:28.000 It's a nice moment for a married man.

00:34:30.000 Yeah, you're like, ooh, a little thrill.

00:34:32.000 Go back to your hotel room.

00:34:33.000 Somebody still likes me.

00:34:34.000 Put a little pop in your masturbation that night.

00:34:36.000 Ooh, what about her?

00:34:42.000 That's it.

00:34:44.000 That's sleeping pills for comics.

00:34:45.000 Yeah, but no hecklers.

00:34:49.000 It was pretty smooth.

00:34:51.000 It was pretty good.

00:34:52.000 Yeah, my crowd's a little wild.

00:34:54.000 Maybe two.

00:34:55.000 Maybe I need to calm down.

00:34:56.000 No.

00:34:57.000 They're passionate.

00:34:58.000 I mean, when you play me live, when you just do live, then you probably don't care, and you just mess with them.

00:35:03.000 Sometimes, but you don't want them ruining bits, and that happens all the time.

00:35:06.000 That's the worst.

00:35:07.000 Some fucking idiot ruined Chris Rock's bit the other night at the comedy store.

00:35:10.000 Oh, really?

00:35:11.000 Oh, my God.

00:35:12.000 Chris Rock had this bit about cops, and this guy just fucking interrupted, and then Chris was joking around with him at first, and then the guy interrupted again.

00:35:22.000 Ugh.

00:35:23.000 And then Chris is like, you dumb motherfucker, I'm doing jokes up here.

00:35:26.000 Like, what are you doing, man?

00:35:27.000 And they wound up kicking the guy out, and as they're kicking the guy out, he's like, whoa, I can't have an opinion?

00:35:34.000 No, you can't.

00:35:35.000 You can definitely have an opinion.

00:35:37.000 You don't want to interrupt a performance.

00:35:39.000 Like, there's an agreement.

00:35:41.000 The audience has an agreement, okay?

00:35:42.000 The agreement is you're going to sit there, and you're going to see what this person is prepared.

00:35:45.000 Yeah, right.

00:35:46.000 You know?

00:35:46.000 This person's prepared about it.

00:35:48.000 He came on stage with a fucking notebook.

00:35:50.000 He's prepared things.

00:35:51.000 But that's the illusion that we create.

00:35:55.000 If you're good, it sounds like it's just happening.

00:35:58.000 It sounds like it's in the moment.

00:36:00.000 It doesn't sound planned out.

00:36:01.000 So they think that they're in the moment with you.

00:36:04.000 Well, Rock is so opinion-heavy.

00:36:07.000 Like, Chris Rock's premises are always, like, he's a master at taking a controversial premise, taking a controversial point of view, and then bringing it around when, at the end of it, you're just howling, laughing, because he's figured out a way to, like, he's right!

00:36:22.000 He's right!

00:36:23.000 I know, he is the master of that.

00:36:24.000 He's got some bitter divorce shit, too.

00:36:26.000 Woo! 0.99

00:36:27.000 Oh, I've been waiting for that to come out.

00:36:29.000 Ah!

00:36:31.000 It burns!

00:36:32.000 It burns!

00:36:33.000 I've been waiting for that to come out.

00:36:35.000 I don't know if he had a prenup.

00:36:36.000 Seems like he didn't.

00:36:37.000 Oh, really?

00:36:38.000 Yeah, seems like there's a lot of fucking, a lot of fuel.

00:36:42.000 God bless.

00:36:43.000 He was just talking about how much money the lawyers make and the wife's going after all of it.

00:36:49.000 Oh, brutal.

00:36:51.000 And he was talking about how that's why he's touring.

00:36:54.000 Really?

00:36:55.000 Yeah, he's like, I gotta make some money, man.

00:36:58.000 Which is, look, if you've developed a nest egg, like obviously he has, and all of a sudden you're getting divorced.

00:37:05.000 Phil Hartman tried to explain that to me once.

00:37:06.000 I was telling him to get a divorce before his wife shot him in his sleep.

00:37:10.000 I go, just give her half.

00:37:12.000 He goes, it's not half.

00:37:14.000 He goes, it's two-thirds, because the lawyers take a third.

00:37:17.000 It's a fucking scam.

00:37:19.000 He was just rabid about it.

00:37:22.000 I didn't think of that.

00:37:24.000 I was like, oh yeah, the lawyers.

00:37:25.000 Because they do.

00:37:26.000 They don't work for free.

00:37:28.000 No, of course not.

00:37:29.000 You're paying for your wife's lawyer too, fuckface. 1.00

00:37:31.000 You pay for both of them.

00:37:32.000 Brutal.

00:37:33.000 You pay for the general of the army that's fighting against you.

00:37:38.000 You pay for that general.

00:37:40.000 General's trying to rob you of your resources.

00:37:42.000 Yeah, and you're writing them checks.

00:37:44.000 And you've been selling out arenas your whole life, and they want most of that.

00:37:49.000 Oh, God.

00:37:50.000 They want the house that you sleep in.

00:37:52.000 They want everything.

00:37:53.000 They want to take away memories.

00:37:56.000 They want to steal the very foundation of your happiness and prosperity.

00:38:02.000 Could Joe Rogan...

00:38:03.000 Could Joe Rogan...

00:38:08.000 Have everything go away.

00:38:09.000 Your kids are fine.

00:38:10.000 Your relationship's cool, whatever.

00:38:11.000 Let's take that element out of it.

00:38:12.000 Let's just take the house, the cash, the bows and arrows.

00:38:16.000 It's all gone.

00:38:17.000 Could Joe Rogan...

00:38:19.000 Could you go live in, let's just pick New York, this is not a city question, but let's pick New York.

00:38:26.000 Could you go live down by Washington Square Park in a studio apartment, have your act, have your fans, go do your thing, and kind of be okay with a low bank account?

00:38:35.000 Or are you at an age now and you've had stability, do you feel like that would freak you out?

00:38:42.000 Well, it would definitely freak you out if you all of a sudden...

00:38:46.000 One of the things that I've sort of relied on is not needing anything.

00:38:52.000 Right.

00:38:53.000 So by not needing anything, everything I do, I do because I enjoy it.

00:38:57.000 Right.

00:38:57.000 So if I do stand-up, I do it because I enjoy it.

00:38:59.000 If I do podcasts, because I enjoy it.

00:39:02.000 If I do the UFC, it's because I enjoy it.

00:39:04.000 I enjoy the money.

00:39:05.000 Don't get me wrong.

00:39:06.000 Sure.

00:39:07.000 But I'm not needy.

00:39:09.000 I'm not in a position where I'm worried about my next check.

00:39:12.000 So if I got to that, I don't even need that stuff.

00:39:16.000 Like, need the stuff is kind of...

00:39:18.000 Look, if you have a car and you can get around, if you've got food on the table and your family's taken care of, everything else is kind of bullshit.

00:39:25.000 Yeah.

00:39:25.000 It's nice.

00:39:26.000 It's nice to have a good couch.

00:39:28.000 Like, look, we have a 70-inch TV. Ooh, this is nice.

00:39:31.000 It feels nice, but...

00:39:33.000 Watch Westworld on a 70-inch TV. It's nice.

00:39:36.000 Look how big it is.

00:39:37.000 Ooh.

00:39:37.000 Yeah.

00:39:38.000 But ultimately, what really counts is, are you nervous?

00:39:41.000 Are you nervous about your bills?

00:39:43.000 Right.

00:39:44.000 Do you remember that feeling?

00:39:45.000 Yeah.

00:39:46.000 That's a terrible feeling.

00:39:47.000 I know.

00:39:48.000 Worried about...

00:39:49.000 Where that's going to come from and what you're going to do.

00:39:51.000 But you still have your act.

00:39:53.000 You can still go make money.

00:39:55.000 But we're going to put you back at square one.

00:39:57.000 We're going to put you in that studio apartment.

00:39:59.000 Would you be cool with it?

00:40:01.000 Studio's kind of small.

00:40:03.000 Like a four-bedroom house in the yard and somewhere.

00:40:05.000 But honestly...

00:40:07.000 The big thing, and this is such a cliche, but the big thing is, do I still have my friends?

00:40:13.000 Do I still have all the same friends?

00:40:14.000 You do.

00:40:15.000 If I lived in an apartment building, and Ari Shaffir lived next door, and Duncan lived down the hallway, and Joey was over the other side, I'd have a great time.

00:40:23.000 If we all lived on the same floor or in the same building, I would have zero problem with that.

00:40:27.000 If they knocked on the door, hey man, you got any weed?

00:40:29.000 I'm out of weed.

00:40:29.000 Yeah, come on.

00:40:30.000 That would be no problem at all.

00:40:33.000 It's like, how much different is that than when you stay on the road in a hotel?

00:40:36.000 Right.

00:40:36.000 Because a hotel is like a studio apartment.

00:40:38.000 Yeah, you're right.

00:40:39.000 And a good percentage of our lives, we stay in a studio apartment.

00:40:42.000 A lot.

00:40:43.000 I know.

00:40:43.000 I bring it up because I was thinking about it, and it's like, if it all fell apart, you grab on...

00:40:50.000 To your lifestyle and what you're doing so hard.

00:40:53.000 But if it all, for whatever reason, washed away, and you could still go perform, and you still had your friends at this club you could go see, I could totally do it.

00:41:03.000 I could totally go back to, I have clothes that fit in this big of a closet, and just keep doing what I'm doing, but in those circumstances, 100%.

00:41:15.000 In some ways, I think you'd be lighter.

00:41:19.000 You'd be...

00:41:20.000 A lot of people do believe that, and a lot of people do go towards that minimalism life where they give up everything.

00:41:26.000 My friend Steve Maxwell, he's a world-renowned fitness trainer, strength and conditioning coach for a lot of pro athletes, a lot of fighters.

00:41:35.000 He lives out of a duffel bag.

00:41:37.000 Oh, I saw that guy.

00:41:38.000 I saw you interview that guy.

00:41:39.000 He used to have a big house, and he had a gym in Philadelphia.

00:41:43.000 He's one of the very first American Brazilian jiu-jitsu black belts, and he had this gigantic gym where he's teaching, and he's an interesting guy.

00:41:53.000 And then he just decided, he got divorced, and he decided, you know what?

00:41:57.000 Fuck this.

00:41:57.000 And he goes, I'm going to live out of a van.

00:41:59.000 And he got like a camper van.

00:42:01.000 And he lived out of that.

00:42:02.000 And he's like, fuck this van.

00:42:04.000 I'm just going to keep traveling.

00:42:06.000 Really?

00:42:07.000 And now he just stays in hotels everywhere.

00:42:09.000 It's amazing.

00:42:09.000 And that's what brings it up.

00:42:11.000 It's the divorce.

00:42:12.000 I don't think willingly I would do it, but if something was thrust upon me.

00:42:16.000 Like if you got divorced.

00:42:17.000 Divorced.

00:42:18.000 Yeah.

00:42:18.000 Or something.

00:42:20.000 I could go back.

00:42:22.000 I could be like.

00:42:23.000 But you're thinking about it so much that you brought it up as a subject.

00:42:26.000 It's something you wonder.

00:42:28.000 Yeah, not as far as the divorce part of it, but just the simple life.

00:42:32.000 Yeah, because I've built a life that's bigger and more complicated.

00:42:37.000 And you want to know what it was?

00:42:41.000 Last time I was in here, I had this back issue where it was like shooting pain down my arm.

00:42:46.000 Yeah, you had a cervical issue, right?

00:42:48.000 Yeah, and I was going to this really great Cairo guy, I was doing cupping, I was doing all of this kind of stuff, and it was just making it worse.

00:42:57.000 Worse?

00:42:57.000 Yeah, I was in pain for like a year.

00:43:00.000 I was like in pain.

00:43:03.000 Greg Rogel, you know the comedian Greg Rogel?

00:43:05.000 He tells me he had really debilitating lower back pain, and he read Sarno's book.

00:43:11.000 John Sarno's book, yeah.

00:43:12.000 I read Sarno's book.

00:43:13.000 He's like, just read it.

00:43:13.000 And I got into this big fight with him and Noam, who owns the Comedy Cellar.

00:43:20.000 He's calling him a crack, and it's a crackpot, and it doesn't work, and all this stuff.

00:43:24.000 And Greg is like, just please read it.

00:43:26.000 Just read it.

00:43:27.000 Just read it.

00:43:28.000 And you know what it is.

00:43:29.000 It's just basically about that you're carrying...

00:43:31.000 Your brain wants to go to work on something simple, like pain in your body, rather than deal with issues of stress and anxiety and anger that you carry all the time.

00:43:41.000 And basically, just realizing that that's where the pain is coming from, you don't have to solve the anxiety or the pain or the anger.

00:43:49.000 You just have to be aware.

00:43:50.000 Okay, brain, I know what you're doing.

00:43:52.000 I know what you're working on.

00:43:54.000 It just kind of alleviates that stress and then the physical manifestation of not having oxygen go into your muscles and stuff starts to slowly release.

00:44:06.000 And just, it's gone.

00:44:08.000 It's gone.

00:44:09.000 I have no pain.

00:44:10.000 I have no...

00:44:11.000 How long did it take after you read the book and adopted the principles?

00:44:14.000 Like a month and a half.

00:44:15.000 Really?

00:44:16.000 Yeah.

00:44:16.000 So a year of pain, and then a month and a half of adopting these principles, and what does he tell you to do?

00:44:21.000 What are the exercises that he tells you to do?

00:44:23.000 He says, just live your life.

00:44:27.000 Exercise.

00:44:28.000 Whatever you were doing, do it.

00:44:29.000 Don't live timidly.

00:44:31.000 Don't think, I can't run now.

00:44:32.000 I can't do yoga now because I've got a neck issue.

00:44:35.000 Do it.

00:44:36.000 Live your life.

00:44:37.000 Don't live in this preventative way of, I can't move or I'm going to mess up my body.

00:44:42.000 So what does he tell you about like physical issues?

00:44:45.000 Like what if you have a herniated disc and it's pressing against your nerve and it's causing your hands to go numb and your arms atrophying?

00:44:51.000 He says those are very rare cases.

00:44:54.000 That's not that rare in my world.

00:44:56.000 I know.

00:44:56.000 Well, yeah, you're right.

00:44:57.000 But he says it's very rare cases where there's like a real pinched nerve kind of a problem.

00:45:04.000 Jesus, that seems like crazy advice.

00:45:06.000 I know.

00:45:06.000 Because I know a lot of people that have, like, real issues, like, real physical issues.

00:45:10.000 It's not a rare thing, I don't think, to have, like, disc issues are gigantic.

00:45:14.000 Yeah.

00:45:14.000 Because people, they don't strengthen their spine enough, they don't strengthen their core enough, and they wind up doing something, they yank it, and they hurt it, and then they try to work around it, and they wind up re-aggravating it, and then it gets worse and worse.

00:45:26.000 You're saying that a lot of times you'll have, like, your disc will be...

00:45:32.000 Bulging a little bit or whatever these little imperfections are and we all have these imperfections in us.

00:45:38.000 But when you are stressed and the muscles are tightening around you and becoming inflamed because you're carrying this stuff that you're not working through, everything's constricting around it so then it's going to aggravate that and that's going to become a bigger problem.

00:45:52.000 I definitely think that's true in some cases.

00:45:57.000 I had a conversation with a friend of mine about this.

00:45:59.000 It was the same sort of a thing.

00:46:01.000 And I was like, that's all well and good, but I know people who are very light and happy people who develop a legitimate back issue.

00:46:07.000 And it has nothing to do with stress that they're carrying around.

00:46:10.000 It has to do with the soft tissue that protects your joints bulging out and contacting a nerve.

00:46:20.000 Look, there's a zillion of us out there, and I'm sure there's all different issues for it.

00:46:25.000 But back to your original question of why am I thinking about simplifying and all this kind of stuff.

00:46:31.000 I am a pretty light, positive person.

00:46:34.000 Very optimistic.

00:46:35.000 I kind of live in that world.

00:46:37.000 But when I just started reading the book, I'm like, are things really pissing me off?

00:46:41.000 Am I stressed?

00:46:42.000 Do I have anxiety because I live in this house?

00:46:44.000 Because I'm trying to do these things with my career?

00:46:46.000 Because I'm trying to always do this because I'm carrying children and parents and all of this stuff.

00:46:52.000 I'm trying to make everybody...

00:46:54.000 I don't know.

00:46:55.000 Maybe.

00:46:56.000 Just realizing that and thinking about it, no heavy meditation on it, no, just being aware that maybe that's where it's coming from.

00:47:04.000 I'm telling you, over a month and a half, the pain slowly went away.

00:47:09.000 And I don't have it.

00:47:11.000 Yeah.

00:47:12.000 That is interesting.

00:47:14.000 So what was bothering you before?

00:47:18.000 I know that you're successful and you had a television show for a while and you've got a bunch of projects going on.

00:47:25.000 You're always doing stand-up and specials.

00:47:27.000 So you've had a lot of success.

00:47:29.000 You've got a lot of great stuff going on.

00:47:31.000 What was kind of chewing at you?

00:47:34.000 I don't know.

00:47:35.000 I'm not really 100% sure of what the source is.

00:47:38.000 But I do feel like I have a lot of people on my back, and it's all quiet.

00:47:46.000 It's all in my head.

00:47:47.000 You know what I mean?

00:47:48.000 A lot of people on your back.

00:47:49.000 Yeah.

00:47:50.000 I've got a wife.

00:47:52.000 I've got kids.

00:47:53.000 I've got pets.

00:47:54.000 I've got family.

00:47:56.000 I've got...

00:47:57.000 You feel that...

00:47:59.000 There's a weird way to bring this up, but how much of that, like having a wife and having kids, obviously there's going to be compromises and there's going to be stress that comes along with any sort of relationship, but do you feel like it was tipping more towards the negative than towards the positive?

00:48:21.000 I don't think it was...

00:48:23.000 I think I just...

00:48:24.000 The whole experience to me seems positive.

00:48:29.000 My relationship with my wife is great.

00:48:31.000 The kids I adore.

00:48:33.000 I feel like it's all positive.

00:48:36.000 But I do carry the burden of everybody's worries and everybody's well-being all the time.

00:48:41.000 I was working on this joke in my act before I started thinking about all this stuff.

00:48:45.000 I had this moment when I was standing in this house.

00:48:48.000 I moved to this bigger house.

00:48:49.000 It's a really nice house.

00:48:50.000 It's a bigger home.

00:48:52.000 And I was shutting off all the lights.

00:48:54.000 This is what I was working through on stage.

00:48:56.000 I was turning off all the lights one night and locking the doors for all the bad people that are coming to get us.

00:49:01.000 And everyone's in their beds and the cat's asleep and the dog's asleep and everybody, the lizard's asleep.

00:49:06.000 And it just, all my responsibility washed over me.

00:49:10.000 Like, everybody, every living thing here is It's depending on my success.

00:49:19.000 If I don't keep going, if I don't keep succeeding, everything here changes.

00:49:25.000 Everybody's little life, everybody's perfect little existence, it's all washing over me.

00:49:30.000 And I can't tell anyone about it.

00:49:32.000 I can tell you, the audience, but I can't go sit on my daughter's bed at two in the morning when I have that feeling.

00:49:38.000 Do you ever feel like you just can't do it anymore?

00:49:42.000 Do you ever feel like you just want to stop?

00:49:45.000 You just want to take a break?

00:49:47.000 This whole thing about waking up my daughter with my fears.

00:49:50.000 I can't do that.

00:49:51.000 I don't tell my wife that stuff.

00:49:52.000 I don't tell my kids that stuff.

00:49:53.000 I just carry it.

00:49:55.000 So when I started reading this book, I'm like, maybe I'm just...

00:49:59.000 Taking all this really seriously and feeling like...

00:50:02.000 Did you feel extended with the new home?

00:50:06.000 Is that it?

00:50:06.000 Because a lot of times...

00:50:07.000 I have a friend of mine who did that recently.

00:50:08.000 He bought a big place.

00:50:10.000 And he can afford it, but kind of.

00:50:13.000 Right.

00:50:13.000 You know, it's like, okay...

00:50:15.000 I think about this now.

00:50:17.000 I'm a big advocate in never doing that.

00:50:20.000 I don't think you should ever buy a big place unless you're like, hey, we can get a nice place now and not even think about it.

00:50:25.000 No, we're totally cool.

00:50:27.000 We can do it.

00:50:28.000 I had a really small place for a long time and did all the right things, so it's...

00:50:33.000 The outlay is no different from my little place before.

00:50:36.000 It's all cool.

00:50:37.000 But when you walk into a place like that, it just feels bigger.

00:50:42.000 The first time I bought a home ever, I had this little place in Studio City.

00:50:47.000 I remember laying on the couch like, I don't know if I can do this.

00:50:53.000 I've got to sign this paper.

00:50:55.000 30 years is a long time!

00:50:57.000 Every time the mail came for the first year that I owned a home, I thought it was going to be a notice saying, you've got to get out of there now.

00:51:03.000 You know what I mean?

00:51:04.000 I just was fearful about it.

00:51:06.000 Mortgages are weird, man.

00:51:07.000 It's like, here's a bill for 30 years.

00:51:10.000 Right.

00:51:10.000 Yeah.

00:51:11.000 That's heavy.

00:51:12.000 That weighs on you.

00:51:12.000 Yeah.

00:51:13.000 So that's what just brought me to the feeling of like, well, maybe just going back and living with my wife in that little studio apartment in New York again wouldn't be so bad.

00:51:25.000 The kids would freak out.

00:51:26.000 The kids would freak out.

00:51:27.000 The kids would hate it.

00:51:28.000 The kids would have to be gone.

00:51:29.000 Fuck this!

00:51:30.000 Dad, you need to be more successful.

00:51:32.000 Yeah.

00:51:33.000 Right, exactly.

00:51:34.000 Just take your pressure like a man, bitch. 1.00

00:51:36.000 Right, exactly.

00:51:36.000 Why'd you downsize?

00:51:37.000 Who cares if your neck's crooked?

00:51:39.000 Son of a bitch, who cares if your arms go numb? 1.00

00:51:41.000 I want to go to Berkeley.

00:51:43.000 Carry things with your teeth.

00:51:45.000 So, I don't know.

00:51:46.000 I mean, because it was a little self-aware moment because I do, like I said, I feel like I'm pretty carefree, but why the hell was my neck so...

00:51:57.000 Well, I think that was something that resonated with Sarno's book, and I remember Howard Stern talking about it.

00:52:02.000 Yeah.

00:52:03.000 He had a similar situation.

00:52:04.000 I definitely think people carry a lot of tension, and then that tension sort of manifests itself in physical pain, but...

00:52:13.000 What I do is I do difficult things.

00:52:16.000 I like to do difficult things that are way more difficult than comedy.

00:52:19.000 So if I'm doing jujitsu or if I'm bow hunting or some of the workouts that I do, they're so much harder than anything like stand-away.

00:52:29.000 Just yoga class.

00:52:31.000 Just a fucking 90-minute Bikram yoga class in 104 degrees when you're going 100%.

00:52:36.000 I put 100% effort into every pose.

00:52:38.000 I'm fucking pouring sweat.

00:52:40.000 It's so difficult.

00:52:42.000 When you do that, it seems to me at least, with my fucked up brain, that other stuff doesn't bother me. 0.70

00:52:48.000 It's not your fucked up brain.

00:52:50.000 I equate this anxiety to stopping yoga.

00:52:55.000 I did yoga for, I don't know, eight years, and I haven't done it in three.

00:53:00.000 Oh, get back in there, man.

00:53:01.000 And I'm telling you, I used to walk around like the biggest advocate.

00:53:04.000 I'm like, no, once I started yoga, no stress here, no pain here.

00:53:08.000 But when you started giving those pains, why didn't you just get back in?

00:53:12.000 I don't know.

00:53:15.000 I'll tell you what, I have no idea.

00:53:17.000 I don't know what the real answer is, but in my head it's, the class is from 9 till 1030, and that's when I do my best writing, when the kids get out of the house and I can write in the morning.

00:53:25.000 Oh, okay.

00:53:26.000 That was my, that's my lame-ass excuse.

00:53:30.000 You just gotta force yourself.

00:53:32.000 Yeah.

00:53:32.000 I force myself.

00:53:33.000 Just try and write some other time?

00:53:35.000 Yeah.

00:53:35.000 Do you sit down?

00:53:36.000 You don't sit down and write, right?

00:53:37.000 Like, you don't...

00:53:38.000 Oh, yeah, I do.

00:53:39.000 You do?

00:53:39.000 Oh, yeah.

00:53:40.000 Oh, you do.

00:53:40.000 I thought you were a stage guy.

00:53:42.000 No.

00:53:42.000 No, I'm a stage guy, too.

00:53:44.000 Yeah, well...

00:53:44.000 I'm a firm believer, like martial arts, I think that you need to do...

00:53:49.000 I think you...

00:53:50.000 Like, if you wanted to be a mixed martial artist and you only wanted to work on your skill, I think you're doing yourself a disservice.

00:53:54.000 I think you need to do strength and conditioning as well.

00:53:56.000 Uh-huh.

00:53:56.000 I think you need to do drills as well as spar.

00:53:59.000 I think comedy is the same way.

00:54:01.000 I think writing on stage, and I think there's a bunch of aspects that over the last few years, I like to think that I've kind of got my own way of doing it.

00:54:10.000 Everybody's got a different way, obviously.

00:54:11.000 Everybody's got a different style.

00:54:13.000 My own way though is a bunch of things.

00:54:15.000 One, socialization.

00:54:17.000 I need to socialize.

00:54:18.000 I need to go out with friends.

00:54:20.000 I need to go have a drink or smoke some pot with my buddies.

00:54:23.000 We start laughing and goofing around about things.

00:54:26.000 Meet new people.

00:54:27.000 Talk to some interesting person.

00:54:29.000 That's one of the things that I really like about podcasts.

00:54:31.000 I get to talk to interesting, cool people.

00:54:33.000 That kind of socializing leads to new pathways of ideas get expanded.

00:54:39.000 What made you think?

00:54:40.000 Did you think of that or it just happened and you looked back like that was a good thing to do?

00:54:43.000 I remember thinking somewhere along the line, God, I come up with a lot of great ideas for bits when I'm having fun with people.

00:54:49.000 Like having fun with friends or even with people I don't even know.

00:54:54.000 Occasionally you'll meet someone that's really cool and you enjoy talking to them and then you have these cool conversations.

00:54:59.000 You see this perspective from a stranger that's interesting and they say something and then it fires something in your own brain.

00:55:06.000 I think socializing is big and I think that's one of the reasons why really, really famous comedians hit a dead spot later in their career because their circle becomes very small because they only trust certain people and they kind of get anxiety about hanging out with regular folks and just going out there.

00:55:25.000 Yeah, they get isolated.

00:55:27.000 They drive limos everywhere.

00:55:28.000 They live in a mansion.

00:55:29.000 They never get to meet anybody.

00:55:31.000 So socialization is big.

00:55:33.000 Activity is big.

00:55:34.000 I need to do things.

00:55:35.000 I need to go places.

00:55:37.000 I need to see things.

00:55:38.000 I need to travel.

00:55:40.000 I do a lot of different things.

00:55:43.000 I like to try to get as much activity in as possible.

00:55:45.000 Yeah.

00:55:46.000 But physical writing to me is a must.

00:55:49.000 Yeah.

00:55:49.000 I sit down in front of my computer and I write.

00:55:51.000 I write all the time.

00:55:53.000 And I don't necessarily write jokes.

00:55:54.000 I just write.

00:55:55.000 Right.

00:55:56.000 Oh, that's cool.

00:55:56.000 I write shit and then the jokes come out of that.

00:55:58.000 Right.

00:55:58.000 Premises come out of that stuff.

00:56:00.000 More essays.

00:56:01.000 More essays.

00:56:03.000 One of my favorite parts of stand-up is just being by myself in writing.

00:56:06.000 Just that part, that mining.

00:56:10.000 You're just mining.

00:56:11.000 And then once in a while you get this great stuff that comes out.

00:56:14.000 A lot of times nothing comes out.

00:56:15.000 That's the biggest challenge of writing.

00:56:18.000 Getting out of your way and not beating yourself up if everything that comes out isn't great.

00:56:23.000 Yep.

00:56:23.000 Most of it isn't great.

00:56:24.000 I think one of the biggest challenges of writing is discipline.

00:56:27.000 It's one of the biggest challenges because most people just don't...

00:56:30.000 If you're a writer or if you're a comic and someone...

00:56:34.000 There's no one telling you you have to do it.

00:56:36.000 Yeah.

00:56:37.000 No.

00:56:37.000 Because you have this open-ended schedule.

00:56:39.000 You could have gone to yoga from 9 to 10.30 and you chose to write.

00:56:43.000 Right.

00:56:44.000 And you might have chosen to write because yoga is too hard.

00:56:46.000 You might have decided, you know, this fucking writing is too difficult.

00:56:49.000 I'm just going to...

00:56:50.000 Or yoga's too difficult.

00:56:51.000 I'm just gonna write.

00:56:52.000 I mean, it could be one of, you know, either possible reasons.

00:56:57.000 Yeah.

00:56:57.000 It's, uh...

00:56:58.000 No, I should do both.

00:57:00.000 Fuck, man.

00:57:01.000 You said, you know, I always try with writing also to not be so rigid, like...

00:57:06.000 There was a time when I could only write on the computer in the morning up until 10. And it's like, that's stupid.

00:57:14.000 Sometimes I don't have my computer.

00:57:16.000 Sometimes I just have a pad and I'm in a coffee house after doing radio at 11. So why not do that?

00:57:23.000 So my thing now is I just make myself sit down for two hours at some point.

00:57:29.000 It doesn't matter if it's late in the day, at night, whatever it is.

00:57:32.000 That's like your workout.

00:57:33.000 It's like you've got to sit.

00:57:35.000 Just sit.

00:57:35.000 Do you ever write on your phone?

00:57:37.000 Yeah.

00:57:38.000 You know what's amazing about writing on the phone?

00:57:40.000 If you have an iPhone or even there's actually a lot of them now.

00:57:43.000 I use notes.

00:57:44.000 Yeah, notes and then dictate it.

00:57:48.000 Oh yeah?

00:57:49.000 Yeah.

00:57:49.000 Is it accurate?

00:57:49.000 Oh, super accurate.

00:57:51.000 Really?

00:57:51.000 Yeah, you never tried it?

00:57:52.000 No.

00:57:52.000 Look, check this out.

00:57:53.000 I'll show you.

00:57:53.000 Right here.

00:57:55.000 See right here?

00:57:55.000 Press that button right there.

00:57:56.000 This is the iPhone.

00:57:57.000 I got an interesting story about this.

00:57:58.000 Are you in notes?

00:57:59.000 Yeah, that's in notes.

00:58:00.000 Watch.

00:58:01.000 I press the voice thing.

00:58:03.000 Tom Papa's a bad motherfucker.

00:58:06.000 Bam.

00:58:07.000 Wow.

00:58:08.000 Amazing, right?

00:58:08.000 That's so true.

00:58:10.000 This dude, he writes in the morning when he's supposed to be taking yoga, his neck's all fucked up and he doesn't know why, but he's a good guy and he's hilarious.

00:58:19.000 Go see him this Friday on Epix.

00:58:22.000 Thanks, Joe.

00:58:23.000 Bam.

00:58:26.000 Hilarious.

00:58:26.000 Yeah.

00:58:27.000 That's alright.

00:58:28.000 It's not perfect.

00:58:28.000 No, but that's pretty good.

00:58:30.000 Meanwhile, what the fuck is Hilarious?

00:58:32.000 I know, that's a pretty badass word.

00:58:34.000 Meanwhile, it keeps dictating while we're talking.

00:58:35.000 It's still going.

00:58:36.000 It's getting this whole...

00:58:37.000 It just said what the fuck is hilarious.

00:58:39.000 That's pretty great.

00:58:39.000 Do you do that when you're driving?

00:58:41.000 Yes, that's how I do text if I have to if I'm driving.

00:58:43.000 I try not to do that though.

00:58:45.000 What I do when I'm driving, this is a big one for me, is I turn the phone upside down and I put it over there.

00:58:50.000 I don't have it near me.

00:58:52.000 When you're driving.

00:58:52.000 Yeah, it's too creepy.

00:58:54.000 It's like too many people are fucking driving and not paying attention and they crash into each other.

00:58:58.000 I know, it's the worst.

00:58:59.000 It's way too common.

00:59:00.000 It's so bad.

00:59:01.000 I fucking, every time I'm on the road and I see someone weaving in and out of traffic, I see the light of their phone shining in their eyes and they're trying to text while they're driving.

00:59:10.000 It's so dangerous.

00:59:11.000 I know.

00:59:12.000 And you know, my daughter is, my older one is 14, which means she can get a permit next year.

00:59:18.000 Like 15 and a half.

00:59:20.000 Does she text?

00:59:22.000 She's not crazy phone. 0.99

00:59:24.000 She's like a normal kid, but she's not really obsessed with it.

00:59:28.000 But it scares the hell out of me.

00:59:30.000 Once they start getting in relationships.

00:59:31.000 Yeah.

00:59:32.000 When things get so crazy, all the energy involved in relationships for young kids.

00:59:41.000 You think about a young kid, they go from being 11...

00:59:45.000 Where, hopefully, there's no fucking at all.

00:59:47.000 Yeah.

00:59:48.000 To 15, where that's all you're thinking of.

00:59:51.000 Yeah.

00:59:51.000 Just in, you know, 40-something months.

00:59:54.000 It's nothing.

00:59:55.000 And then he doesn't call you or like you or there's a problem and you're waiting, you're checking your phone every two seconds to see the response.

01:00:02.000 I want to die.

01:00:03.000 And now you're driving to go pick up milk for your mom.

01:00:06.000 Yeah.

01:00:07.000 And you hear a ding.

01:00:09.000 And you reach over to check it, boom, hit a tree.

01:00:11.000 I can't.

01:00:12.000 Yeah.

01:00:12.000 My neck just started hurting again.

01:00:14.000 Oh, your arm's numb.

01:00:17.000 Massive, massive fucking hormones raging through your body, telling you to get pregnant, telling you to get someone pregnant. 0.93

01:00:24.000 Could you imagine if we had phones when we were going through puberty?

01:00:27.000 Could you imagine?

01:00:28.000 All the dick pics that you would have of you out there.

01:00:30.000 Oh my God, the begging, the begging of girls, just show me something, do something. 1.00

01:00:35.000 Please, take a picture of it.

01:00:36.000 Please.

01:00:37.000 My God.

01:00:39.000 We'd be out of, I don't know.

01:00:43.000 But on the other hand, you'd be wiser because you'd be able to Google things.

01:00:47.000 I mean, how many bullshitters did we know growing up that just would lie and make stories up?

01:00:52.000 Oh my god, yeah.

01:00:54.000 Those people were out of business.

01:00:55.000 I know.

01:00:57.000 But not necessarily.

01:00:58.000 Have you been paying attention to fake news?

01:01:00.000 Yeah, big time.

01:01:01.000 All the fake news stories?

01:01:03.000 Big time.

01:01:04.000 It's crazy.

01:01:05.000 I didn't realize until this Pizzagate thing, which by the way, it's a very controversial what's fake and what's not fake about Pizzagate, because Pizzagate is connected to that John Podesta guy.

01:01:17.000 Who is a very controversial character, who's still friends with that Dennis Hastert guy, who was the Speaker of the House, who's absolutely a pedophile.

01:01:28.000 Absolutely a confirmed serial pedophile.

01:01:32.000 Admitted.

01:01:33.000 Yeah, admitted.

01:01:34.000 So, the fact that that guy's friends with that.

01:01:36.000 And then, also, Andrew Breitbart, apparently, in 2011, Made a tweet about Podesta being a guy who helps people who fuck kids.

01:01:50.000 He made this crazy tweet about him in 2011, which five years later, after Breitbart is dead, it's very interesting to read that tweet and say, well, what did he know about Podesta before all this spirit cooking and all this craziness came out with the Hillary campaign?

01:02:09.000 Right.

01:02:09.000 He fucking knew something.

01:02:11.000 You know, and this is Yeah, pull up the tweet.

01:02:15.000 This is from 2011. Now, this was,

01:02:31.000 of course, when Hastert was about to get convicted.

01:02:35.000 So he's been friends with Hastert forever.

01:02:38.000 Hastert, by the way, was the fucking Speaker of the House.

01:02:43.000 Yeah.

01:02:44.000 He had been fucking kids for years So anybody who doesn't think that it can reach you could be a pedophile and cover it up and reach high levels of government You are mistaken or it is possible Penn State football program exactly, but that guy obviously wasn't government But yeah,

01:03:00.000 but did work with a lot.

01:03:01.000 I mean he had a goddamn charity Yeah, a lot of people trust Sandusky would would work with young kids and take them on the road and fuck them and Ay yi yi. 1.00

01:03:10.000 Monster.

01:03:11.000 Ay yi yi.

01:03:13.000 But the point is like...

01:03:15.000 Fake news?

01:03:16.000 This Podesta thing and this...

01:03:18.000 I mean, who knows what's real and what's not real is my point.

01:03:21.000 It's because like this fake news thing is what people are calling Pizzagate.

01:03:26.000 Yeah.

01:03:26.000 This whole...

01:03:27.000 This comet pizza thing.

01:03:28.000 So some guy walked into that comet ping pong place...

01:03:33.000 Yesterday with a loaded assault rifle and an AR and fucking shot around in the ground in the building, pointed a gun at the employee and demanded to know where the sex dungeons were.

01:03:47.000 Really?

01:03:48.000 Yeah, because he was convinced that there are fucking kids in this place.

01:03:53.000 Oh my god.

01:03:54.000 Here's the thing with the fake news.

01:03:55.000 I had this discussion with my daughter, actually.

01:04:00.000 And we were talking about how are we just entering an era where you're never going to know what's real and what's not.

01:04:07.000 Things are going to be so sophisticated on both sides that you're never going to be able to parse it.

01:04:11.000 And she had a great point.

01:04:13.000 She said, you know, when we do papers at school...

01:04:17.000 And my wife, who's in college now, when they do papers for school, they have to, because of the internet and because there's so much stuff, you have to provide the sources for where your information is coming from when you're writing these papers.

01:04:34.000 You have to have a legitimate source attached to any of the facts that you're putting in there so that they know that you did the research and stuff.

01:04:42.000 Point being, There will always be really legitimate news sources where you can cite that people agree that this is a place where it's been filtered.

01:04:56.000 Well, not filtered, but it comes from a newsworthy source.

01:04:59.000 You can't just spew stuff and just put, you know...

01:05:04.000 Such and such website and have that pass in an academic setting.

01:05:09.000 You know what I mean?

01:05:11.000 That little way of parsing the truth will probably end up being the way that we all parse the truth.

01:05:18.000 I agree with you to a certain extent.

01:05:20.000 I think that legitimate studies and things that were done by legitimate researchers where they have peer-reviewed studies and everything's been vetted out, but news sources are so suspect now.

01:05:34.000 What we saw from this past election, whether you support Trump or whether you support Hillary, support anybody, What I saw from this election is very little unbiased truth.

01:05:47.000 What I saw was a lot of, whether it's pro-Hillary or anti-Hillary, pro-Trump or anti-Trump, I saw a lot of editorial Yeah.

01:06:16.000 Point of view and perspective and thoughts on the burden that one carries by having a voice that it's imperative that they get out what they believe about certain candidates, especially with Trump.

01:06:28.000 It could be slanted, but there still is did this thing happen or not happen?

01:06:33.000 You know what I mean?

01:06:34.000 Did that tax return really...

01:06:36.000 Was that information, like, did we all see it?

01:06:39.000 You know what I mean?

01:06:40.000 You can slant things, and, you know, Fox can push their things.

01:06:45.000 That's dangerous.

01:06:46.000 Even that's dangerous, because you can take one aspect of it and completely ride it into the ground.

01:06:51.000 And make it look like, here's one thing.

01:06:53.000 They kept harping on about all these conspiracy theories about Hillary being ill. 0.97

01:07:00.000 Bullshit!

01:07:01.000 She falls asleep while she's standing up.

01:07:03.000 That's ill.

01:07:04.000 She's not healthy.

01:07:06.000 That was editorial influence on the fact of her being an old lady who fell down in 2012 and got brain damaged, cracked her head open, was literally, according to Bill Clinton, was convalescing for six months.

01:07:23.000 This is his perspective on it.

01:07:25.000 He said she was in real bad shape, and it took her six months to get out of it.

01:07:29.000 There was the WikiLeaks emails that showed that she had a seizure in 2015. During the presidential campaign, she's at that 9-11 memorial.

01:07:39.000 She passes out, and all those six security people scoop in and catch her because they were quick, like it's fucking happened before.

01:07:48.000 Right.

01:07:48.000 This is not an unusual occurrence, I don't think.

01:07:52.000 I think they did a real good job of covering it up, but there were so many media stories that were talking about the conspiracy theory of her being ill, or that there was so many people were latching on to her health, and obviously she showed in that debate that her health was fine.

01:08:08.000 Well, first of all, she's on drugs. 0.99

01:08:09.000 They put her on modafinil.

01:08:11.000 That was another thing that was listed.

01:08:14.000 In the WikiLeaks, she's taking Provigil.

01:08:16.000 She's taking this stimulant that they give to fighter pilots to keep them from falling asleep.

01:08:22.000 It's a drug for people that have narcolepsy.

01:08:24.000 She's on this.

01:08:25.000 So yeah, that's probably why she looks stimulated. 1.00

01:08:29.000 She's artificially propped up.

01:08:31.000 So this, to me, was a big sticking point.

01:08:35.000 I'm not anti-Hillary.

01:08:38.000 I'm anti a lot of things she stands for, but I'm not pro-Trump.

01:08:41.000 I watched that and I was like, well, you're not being honest with me.

01:08:44.000 You're not supposed to fall asleep while you're standing up.

01:08:47.000 If you fall asleep while you're standing up, there's a real problem.

01:08:50.000 Yeah.

01:08:50.000 And you shouldn't be doing anything.

01:08:52.000 You should be in bed to find out what's wrong with you.

01:08:54.000 Yeah.

01:08:55.000 You definitely shouldn't be running the world.

01:08:57.000 Right.

01:08:58.000 Just propping you up.

01:08:59.000 I really felt like every time you'd see her walking out towards the podium that the biggest worry of hers was not tipping over.

01:09:08.000 Yeah.

01:09:08.000 Did you see her fall in the jet when she got to the top stairs of the jet and she tipped forward and went fucking on camera?

01:09:14.000 Did you ever see that, Jamie?

01:09:15.000 I never saw that.

01:09:16.000 Pull that video up.

01:09:18.000 She can't walk.

01:09:19.000 And why was Trump sniffling so much?

01:09:21.000 She probably had a little bit of a cold.

01:09:23.000 The fucking guy was working all the time.

01:09:24.000 I don't know.

01:09:25.000 Maybe he does coke.

01:09:26.000 Are you worried about sessions coming in and ending all of our pot fun?

01:09:30.000 First of all, she can't walk without holding onto that railing.

01:09:33.000 She's clutching that thing.

01:09:35.000 Well, that's hard for everybody.

01:09:36.000 Bullshit.

01:09:36.000 She gets to the top.

01:09:37.000 She's slowing down.

01:09:38.000 Look, she's slowing down. 1.00

01:09:39.000 That's a lot of steps.

01:09:40.000 She's probably all light heaven, headed. 1.00

01:09:42.000 Alright, here we go.

01:09:44.000 She can't walk, bro.

01:09:47.000 So funny to watch people.

01:09:48.000 This is not good.

01:09:50.000 None of this is good.

01:09:51.000 Fall down.

01:09:52.000 It happens.

01:09:53.000 Get the fuck out of here.

01:09:54.000 It doesn't fall like that.

01:09:55.000 Sometimes coming off the stage at the comedy store, I have to make sure my foot's planted.

01:09:58.000 I turn around and I go like this.

01:10:01.000 I'm fine.

01:10:02.000 It's hard walking around.

01:10:04.000 Bullshit.

01:10:05.000 That was a lot of steps.

01:10:07.000 Nope.

01:10:07.000 That was a lot of steps.

01:10:09.000 My mom couldn't make it. 0.99

01:10:09.000 If you want to run the free world, well your mom shouldn't be president. 0.99

01:10:13.000 She's like Hillary's age. 0.70

01:10:15.000 She shouldn't be president.

01:10:17.000 I think physical health is something that you should take into consideration when you have an unbelievably stressful job that looks like it drains you like a vampire sucking onto your neck.

01:10:26.000 I couldn't believe both of them were still standing at the end.

01:10:29.000 I mean, it was so...

01:10:30.000 When you think about the travel and the speeches and the pressure...

01:10:33.000 Grueling.

01:10:33.000 Both of them.

01:10:34.000 I mean, really.

01:10:35.000 That was...

01:10:36.000 He seemed fine.

01:10:37.000 Yeah.

01:10:37.000 He seemed fine.

01:10:38.000 He did.

01:10:39.000 When he gave that last one at 1.30 in the morning in Michigan or whatever it was.

01:10:42.000 He did like six that day.

01:10:43.000 And he's just like...

01:10:44.000 He just kept going.

01:10:45.000 Yeah.

01:10:47.000 I mean, I don't know what he's taking.

01:10:48.000 All on fast food.

01:10:49.000 Yeah.

01:10:49.000 He's eating Kentucky Fried Chicken, fucking taco bowls.

01:10:53.000 Taco bowls.

01:10:54.000 I remember that picture when he was eating the taco bowl and he goes, I love Hispanics. 0.84

01:10:57.000 I'm like, what in the fuck is this life?

01:11:00.000 I know.

01:11:01.000 He says, I love Hispanics.

01:11:03.000 He's eating a taco bowl in the office where he fucking runs his empire.

01:11:07.000 I'm like, this is madness.

01:11:08.000 That picture.

01:11:09.000 Look at that.

01:11:09.000 Oh, God.

01:11:10.000 Look at that.

01:11:12.000 The best taco bowls are made in Trump Tower Grill.

01:11:15.000 I love Hispanics.

01:11:17.000 That is so crazy.

01:11:19.000 It's so crazy.

01:11:20.000 The whole thing is insane.

01:11:22.000 Meanwhile, he didn't even eat that.

01:11:22.000 He pushed that aside and they brought him a fucking ribeye.

01:11:25.000 Sessions is going to come in and end this pot fun for the nation.

01:11:28.000 Do you really think so?

01:11:29.000 That's what they're saying.

01:11:30.000 Yeah, that's not what they're saying.

01:11:31.000 Yeah, it is.

01:11:32.000 No, no, no.

01:11:32.000 I've read all the articles.

01:11:34.000 It's all speculation.

01:11:35.000 And it's based on his past statements.

01:11:37.000 I think you read the fake ones.

01:11:38.000 Maybe.

01:11:39.000 Go ahead.

01:11:40.000 It's based on his past statements about marijuana not being for good people and also based on what he could potentially do as the Attorney General.

01:11:49.000 However, Trump has said that he's going to leave it up to the states.

01:11:52.000 I think that Trump is a populist, and I think that the last thing Trump wants is people, more people, especially the potheads, Rallying against him and saying this is preposterous.

01:12:03.000 If you look at the actual fear that people have about marijuana versus the physical effects of marijuana versus the potential revenue gained by these states, look at what's happening in Colorado.

01:12:13.000 Real estate sales are up 14%.

01:12:16.000 Drunk driving is down to the lowest rate it has in decades.

01:12:20.000 Violent crime is at the lowest rate it's been in a long time.

01:12:23.000 There's so many positive benefits to the marijuana legalization movement.

01:12:27.000 It's amazing.

01:12:28.000 Isn't it amazing when you walk through Denver with the change?

01:12:31.000 Prosperous.

01:12:31.000 Oh my god.

01:12:32.000 It's amazing.

01:12:33.000 I went to one of the shops when I was performing there last month.

01:12:39.000 And I just wanted to go do it.

01:12:41.000 I wasn't even looking to get high.

01:12:43.000 I just wanted to walk in and buy something legit and walk out and just see what that was like.

01:12:48.000 How often do you get high?

01:12:50.000 Very rarely now.

01:12:51.000 How about right now?

01:12:51.000 Want to do one?

01:12:52.000 I do, but I can't.

01:12:53.000 Can't?

01:12:54.000 What are you going to do?

01:12:55.000 I got to pick up kids.

01:12:56.000 I do it so infrequently that if I do it, my day's shot.

01:13:01.000 Well, you know how we were talking about difficult things that make life easier?

01:13:05.000 One of the difficult things I like to do is edibles.

01:13:09.000 Yeah, you know, it's funny.

01:13:10.000 In your special, you actually talked about the gummy bears.

01:13:12.000 Yeah.

01:13:13.000 And I bought gummy bears when I was there.

01:13:16.000 This is how out of it I am now.

01:13:18.000 Like, I used to do it every day, you know, and now I haven't for, like, a decade.

01:13:23.000 I'm so out of it now that I got back to my room with the gummy bears and was, like, scared.

01:13:28.000 You should be.

01:13:29.000 I don't know.

01:13:29.000 How much do I take?

01:13:30.000 That's the whole point, though.

01:13:31.000 You're supposed to be scared.

01:13:31.000 I just want to eat a little bit and then...

01:13:33.000 You know what I mean?

01:13:34.000 I really believe that they're running an ultramarathon or something.

01:13:37.000 You should be scared when you take those first couple steps.

01:13:40.000 Like, Jesus, what am I getting myself into?

01:13:42.000 Yeah, but it's...

01:13:43.000 I don't know.

01:13:44.000 I'm old school, I guess.

01:13:45.000 I like to see it and crumble it and puff it and know exactly what I'm doing.

01:13:49.000 That's nice, too, but it's a different thing than the eating it.

01:13:52.000 Why do you like the eating it?

01:13:53.000 Because it's scary.

01:13:55.000 Oh, for that reason?

01:13:57.000 Yeah, I like the journey.

01:13:58.000 I like it.

01:13:59.000 It makes me feel super vulnerable, and it makes me feel really in tune with any weird distractions I might have in my psyche, any weird bumps in the night that are haunting the back of my brain.

01:14:12.000 It just drags them out, like, get out here in the front!

01:14:15.000 Pulls them in, put the spotlight on them, click!

01:14:18.000 Tell me what's wrong.

01:14:20.000 You're gonna die.

01:14:22.000 Everybody dies.

01:14:24.000 I just want to get high and watch Narcos.

01:14:25.000 That too.

01:14:26.000 I like that too.

01:14:28.000 Really?

01:14:28.000 So you do it, literally, you're not joking.

01:14:30.000 No, no, I'm dead serious.

01:14:32.000 It's the little bit of the unknown, almost trippy kind of anxiety.

01:14:37.000 Like when you eat mushrooms or something and you're like, okay, what's gonna come out?

01:14:41.000 Where are we headed?

01:14:42.000 Well, that's why I like the sensory deprivation tank, too, because you can't run from your thoughts.

01:14:46.000 Right.

01:14:46.000 It traps you with your thoughts, and you have to confront them.

01:14:49.000 Right.

01:14:49.000 It's what I call the hard work.

01:14:51.000 Like, doing the hard work, the mental hard work.

01:14:54.000 One of the things I've tried to pride myself in, at least...

01:14:59.000 I shouldn't say...

01:15:00.000 One of the things I've done as an exercise and as...

01:15:04.000 I've done it...

01:15:07.000 Like, as a discipline, is try to constantly and consistently improve everything I do.

01:15:13.000 Whatever I'm doing, whether it's a martial art thing or a comedy thing.

01:15:17.000 And I feel like your personality is in that, too.

01:15:21.000 And even podcasting is in that.

01:15:23.000 Like, anything that you're doing, you just try to do better.

01:15:26.000 I don't always succeed, but there's a journey and a process along the way.

01:15:30.000 And what I've found is the hard work is the best way for me to really judge my progress and all those things, because I'm forced to be alone with my thoughts and to be...

01:15:42.000 At least the way I approach it.

01:15:43.000 I try to be as objective as possible.

01:15:45.000 I'm my number one biggest critic.

01:15:48.000 Yeah.

01:15:48.000 I fucking hate everything I do.

01:15:50.000 Yeah, me too.

01:15:51.000 That's why you're good.

01:15:52.000 Yeah.

01:15:52.000 When you sit alone with your thoughts and you think about everything you do and you can pick it apart and find problems with it, that's the hard work.

01:16:00.000 Yeah, that's a big thing.

01:16:03.000 And, you know, smoking lets you come in the other door and take a look at what you thought was okay.

01:16:09.000 You know what I mean?

01:16:10.000 You think, like, you've got the structure and you think you're being hard on yourself, and then you come in the back door and you're like, oh, maybe I'm a little hacky over here.

01:16:18.000 Or you can take some of this and go through the fucking roof like an asteroid.

01:16:22.000 Fuck the door.

01:16:24.000 You don't want the door.

01:16:25.000 I got a lot of stuff in here, buddy.

01:16:27.000 What was funny was...

01:16:29.000 One of these will put you on the moon.

01:16:31.000 What's that?

01:16:32.000 Chocolate.

01:16:33.000 Oh jeez.

01:16:34.000 You can smell the pot through the wrapper.

01:16:39.000 I need to know what I'm getting into.

01:16:41.000 You're getting into death.

01:16:42.000 Death and just the inevitability.

01:16:47.000 The only negative I could see from the...

01:16:49.000 These are pills.

01:16:50.000 Do you see pills?

01:16:51.000 Want some pills?

01:16:51.000 Let me see what they look like.

01:16:52.000 The only negative I could see when walking around Denver was there's a lot of scuzzy skate pothead kids that are laying on the street.

01:16:59.000 You're always gonna get that.

01:17:01.000 Yeah, but it's a little different.

01:17:03.000 Listen, that's just part of the problem.

01:17:05.000 It's, you know, you always get, yeah, there's always the 14 caps.

01:17:09.000 That's always gonna be the case.

01:17:10.000 It was funny coming out with my bag, like, filled with stuff, and not being afraid of the cops who just waved to me, but then the potheads who want it.

01:17:20.000 I'm sorry.

01:17:21.000 Jeez, I gotta, I got stuff to do.

01:17:24.000 You'll be fine.

01:17:25.000 Secondhand smoke barely does anything.

01:17:26.000 I'm like your pet dog.

01:17:28.000 I got my dog so high once.

01:17:30.000 I had a rescue dog, and she was a big sweetie.

01:17:34.000 I loved her.

01:17:36.000 She had a rough life before I got her.

01:17:38.000 When I got her, she had mange. 0.69

01:17:40.000 Oh, man.

01:17:41.000 I got her because someone who I knew had rescued her that day.

01:17:49.000 And it was in L.A. And they had found her eating out of a garbage can. 0.94

01:17:54.000 And she was all fucked up.

01:17:56.000 And like mangy.

01:17:58.000 And they contacted me.

01:18:00.000 And they said, hey, just a long shot.

01:18:03.000 Do you want to adopt a dog?

01:18:04.000 Because I had a dog.

01:18:05.000 And I'm like, well, you know, probably wouldn't be a bad idea to have my dog get a companion.

01:18:10.000 I go, you know, what's the deal?

01:18:11.000 And then they told me.

01:18:12.000 And I'm like, oh, no.

01:18:13.000 Like, wow, that's a lot to take on.

01:18:15.000 And I checked her out.

01:18:16.000 Was she older?

01:18:18.000 She had had babies, for sure, because her nipples were extended. 1.00

01:18:22.000 We didn't really know how old she was, but she was probably in the neighborhood of two or three, but she was the sweetest dog ever.

01:18:27.000 She was so sweet.

01:18:28.000 What kind?

01:18:29.000 She was a pit bull. 1.00

01:18:30.000 But she had a rough life.

01:18:32.000 It was a rough life.

01:18:33.000 And when I had her in my house, Joey Diaz and I, we went into my office, and she would come in the office and hang out with me.

01:18:42.000 And we did bong hit after bong hit, and this poor dog got hotboxed. 1.00

01:18:48.000 Oh no.

01:18:49.000 And we couldn't figure out what was going on because she was freaking out.

01:18:53.000 Oh no.

01:18:54.000 She was freaking out and she was like hiding under desks.

01:18:57.000 Like she would run, she would run across the room and then just get under the desk. 0.86

01:19:03.000 Poor girl. 1.00

01:19:03.000 Like it's tucked in and we're like, oh my god she's high. 1.00

01:19:06.000 The poor dog's high.

01:19:09.000 That's brutal.

01:19:10.000 You can get that second hand.

01:19:16.000 I hope you're right.

01:19:19.000 You know what's the most interesting thing watching this whole Trump thing?

01:19:22.000 I hope you're right about Sessions.

01:19:25.000 It's going to be really interesting.

01:19:27.000 I feel like we're watching one of those movies where the regular guy becomes president and he comes in like, well, just fix the problem.

01:19:34.000 Just take the taxes and fix the bridge. 1.00

01:19:36.000 That's how it works.

01:19:37.000 And these practical things that you could do.

01:19:41.000 Like, let's just talk to Taiwan and see if maybe they'll be okay.

01:19:45.000 And it's like, will this work?

01:19:47.000 Or do you...

01:19:48.000 Or is the way of operating so enmeshed in policy and the way that things were, do you need that structure to actually steer the ship?

01:19:58.000 You know what I mean?

01:19:59.000 This is really kind of free form.

01:20:03.000 It really is.

01:20:04.000 Yeah, I think you're right.

01:20:05.000 And I think in that sense, that's probably the most positive aspect of this guy being president is that we really will find out.

01:20:11.000 Yeah.

01:20:11.000 It might be the only way we find out.

01:20:13.000 We're gonna find out.

01:20:15.000 We're gonna really find out.

01:20:16.000 We're gonna find out.

01:20:16.000 And also, he's gonna fucking tell us.

01:20:19.000 Like, if there's some shit is funky behind the scenes, you know, like...

01:20:25.000 There's a lot of talk online about Trump lying in his tweets about fake votes.

01:20:30.000 You know, like fake votes cost him the popular vote.

01:20:35.000 Sometimes he just says shit.

01:20:37.000 I know.

01:20:37.000 And I don't know if he is doing it as a strategy.

01:20:41.000 I don't know.

01:20:42.000 I mean, I don't know.

01:20:42.000 It's also possible that he doesn't really believe it, but that he knows that if he puts it out there, people are going to repeat it.

01:20:49.000 Yeah.

01:20:50.000 There was an article recently that I saw.

01:20:52.000 I forget what the magazine was.

01:20:53.000 Jamie, maybe you can find it.

01:20:54.000 But it was about a guy who writes the fake news.

01:20:57.000 Uh-huh.

01:20:59.000 They track this dude down and he just writes fake stories.

01:21:02.000 Right.

01:21:02.000 Like about George Soros paying protesters 350 bucks an hour to protest against Trump.

01:21:07.000 They just make stuff up.

01:21:08.000 Yeah.

01:21:09.000 And they asked him why he did it and what he said was he said essentially he started it out as like an exercise sort of to prove how gullible these alt-right folks could be and that some of them at least.

01:21:23.000 Yeah.

01:21:23.000 Some of them would just see things and without looking into it at all they would just start tweeting it.

01:21:27.000 Yeah.

01:21:28.000 And he was right.

01:21:29.000 He was right.

01:21:30.000 But he started making a lot of money.

01:21:32.000 Right.

01:21:32.000 These guys are making like $10,000 a month writing fake stories.

01:21:35.000 Off of clicks, right?

01:21:36.000 All off of clicks.

01:21:38.000 Yeah.

01:21:38.000 Then you're writing fake stories now.

01:21:40.000 Of course.

01:21:40.000 Are you going to pass that up?

01:21:41.000 Yeah, no.

01:21:42.000 No, you're going to just write fake stories now.

01:21:44.000 So what you were saying earlier about us entering into an era where you can't really tell what's true or not true...

01:21:53.000 That's why it's so imperative that someone like the Washington Post or like the New York Times cannot be biased in any way.

01:22:00.000 You have to, as clearly as you can, emphasize the facts of every story.

01:22:06.000 Even if you feel like you have an obligation to show how horrible a person President Trump is, just to let people know, this guy can't get in the office.

01:22:13.000 As soon as you start doing that, you embolden the people who oppose you.

01:22:17.000 It's very dangerous for ideas in general because it's so hard.

01:22:22.000 I don't do it, but it's so hard for anybody to completely be unbiased and establish just the facts, even when they're disturbing and uncomfortable.

01:22:32.000 They don't like that.

01:22:34.000 People don't like that.

01:22:35.000 You ever watch PBS News?

01:22:36.000 Sure.

01:22:37.000 The News Hour?

01:22:37.000 Yeah.

01:22:38.000 That's probably as pure as you can get.

01:22:40.000 Yeah.

01:22:40.000 Right?

01:22:41.000 I mean, that's as purely as factual as we can put it out there.

01:22:47.000 It doesn't mirror a lot of anything else.

01:22:50.000 CNN, MSNBC, all of it.

01:22:53.000 It's Fox, it's all.

01:22:55.000 That PBS is just...

01:22:57.000 It feels like it's the last place where grown-ups work.

01:23:00.000 This person makes $10,000 a month writing fake news.

01:23:04.000 Yeah.

01:23:05.000 Yeah, this is...

01:23:06.000 Just make stuff up.

01:23:07.000 What is the website, Jamie?

01:23:09.000 This one was from Market Watch.

01:23:10.000 There's also an NPR story.

01:23:12.000 I think the Market Watch is the one that I read.

01:23:13.000 I think that's the...

01:23:15.000 One of the problems with the fake news, too, is I have a guy that drives me to the airport all the time.

01:23:20.000 And he's like, no, I saw George Soros is paying the people to protest.

01:23:24.000 And my wife, I saw it on Facebook.

01:23:27.000 And my wife said, no, that's not a story.

01:23:29.000 And he said, but look, now it's on CNN. They're talking about the same story.

01:23:33.000 So it is true.

01:23:34.000 The problem is all these people editing these news organizations, they're running with the story.

01:23:38.000 They're being tricked by the fake news to begin with.

01:23:41.000 Wow.

01:23:42.000 Yeah.

01:23:42.000 Jesus Christ.

01:23:43.000 I know.

01:23:44.000 It's very slippery.

01:23:45.000 Did you see the fake porn going on?

01:23:47.000 CNN aired 30 minutes of fake porn during Anthony Bourdain's show at Thanksgiving night.

01:23:52.000 Yeah, it's a total fake story.

01:23:54.000 Everyone posted it, that it was real.

01:23:55.000 Yeah.

01:23:56.000 Yeah, that was something somebody just thought it'd be funny.

01:23:59.000 Did he even have a Photoshop screenshot or something like that?

01:24:02.000 Yeah.

01:24:03.000 That's genius.

01:24:04.000 I mean, it's, you know, the scary thing is that's how wars start, right?

01:24:10.000 That's how Vietnam started. 0.97

01:24:11.000 When they're getting a little carried away.

01:24:12.000 When they created this fake stories.

01:24:16.000 Yeah.

01:24:17.000 Iraq.

01:24:18.000 Same stuff.

01:24:19.000 You can manipulate stuff.

01:24:20.000 You can create big events off of that.

01:24:23.000 Well, here, obviously, we don't know what really has gone on that led to people writing that Pizzagate stuff.

01:24:29.000 I didn't investigate it enough to know if it's bullshit or not.

01:24:32.000 I just didn't look into it enough, right?

01:24:34.000 To be honest.

01:24:35.000 That said, what if it was bullshit, and if it is bullshit, and this guy thought it was real, and he goes in and what if he shot somebody?

01:24:46.000 At what point is there some sort of responsibility as a culture?

01:24:53.000 If someone's inciting hate towards a very specific establishment that really hasn't done anything wrong, that's kind of a criminal act, right?

01:25:02.000 Yeah.

01:25:02.000 In a way.

01:25:03.000 If you pick a donut shop, Yum Yum Donuts, and you decide Yum Yum Donuts is where the elites go to fuck kids. 1.00

01:25:10.000 You just make all that up.

01:25:12.000 And then people show up at Yum Yum Donuts and just start shooting people because you won't tell them where you're fucking the kids.

01:25:18.000 Right.

01:25:18.000 That gets, again, this is just if it's a fake story.

01:25:23.000 I don't know shit.

01:25:24.000 I'm just going to be real clear about that.

01:25:26.000 I literally have, there's so much, and you can't, whoa, you should look into it.

01:25:30.000 Nope, I shouldn't.

01:25:32.000 If you want to, you go ahead.

01:25:33.000 You cannot be responsible for every fucking story that's in the news today.

01:25:39.000 You will lose your mind.

01:25:40.000 Yeah.

01:25:40.000 And I'm trying to do less and less of that in my life.

01:25:43.000 But my point is, we know for a fact there's a lot of fake stories.

01:25:47.000 Yeah.

01:25:48.000 We also know for a fact there's a lot of creeps.

01:25:50.000 Yeah.

01:25:50.000 A lot of scary, sketchy people that are in positions of power, and they have been forever, and they're starting to get exposed more than they ever have been before.

01:25:58.000 So I don't know what the fuck the truth is.

01:26:00.000 That's kind of the interesting thing.

01:26:02.000 It's the good and bad of the time that we live in.

01:26:05.000 Yeah.

01:26:06.000 Everything can be exposed now, which is great.

01:26:08.000 You can expose people being brutal to another group.

01:26:12.000 You can expose crimes by just recording it on your phone.

01:26:15.000 You can't get away with stuff anymore, because everyone's on video all the time.

01:26:21.000 So in that way, the truth has never been more clear.

01:26:26.000 But then you have this manipulation of that truth in certain instances where you don't have that video proof.

01:26:32.000 Right?

01:26:33.000 I mean, it's very conflicting.

01:26:35.000 Well, it's what we were talking about earlier when we were saying about fake stories, that we're getting to this weird era where you can't tell whether or not a story is true or not.

01:26:45.000 Like, it gets real sketchy.

01:26:46.000 It gets real strange.

01:26:47.000 I think...

01:26:48.000 There's going to be, this is just pure speculation, pure bro science.

01:26:53.000 Nice.

01:26:54.000 I'm giving you a bro science warning.

01:26:55.000 It's my favorite kind.

01:26:56.000 It's the only kind I understand.

01:26:58.000 I think, now they're doing these things where they're able to transmit words from person to person through the internet, brain to brain.

01:27:07.000 Like somehow or another, I can't, I'm not going to do a good job explaining it.

01:27:11.000 But they've been able to essentially put a word in your head and then do it accurately from a long distance away through some sort of electrical impulse or something that they blast into your head.

01:27:22.000 But right now it's like a word, a word.

01:27:27.000 I think it's entirely possible within our lifetime that one day someone is gonna figure out how if you can do that if you could transmit something from brain to brain like that through the internet through some sort of an interface they're gonna figure out how to How to broadcast intention so instead of a language They're gonna figure out how to broadcast what the feeling is behind you thinking something.

01:27:53.000 Like if I say, hey, Tom Papa has a comedy special on Epix this Friday night.

01:27:59.000 You should definitely see it.

01:28:00.000 He's fucking hilarious.

01:28:00.000 He's a great guy.

01:28:01.000 And I really want you guys to check that out.

01:28:04.000 There's a feeling that comes with that.

01:28:06.000 Feeling like, you know, I really love you.

01:28:08.000 You're a great guy.

01:28:09.000 You're hilarious.

01:28:10.000 I want your special to kick ass.

01:28:11.000 So that's like an intention and that intention is in some way trapped inside a language.

01:28:20.000 It's trapped inside like language And civilization and all the structures that we've created around it.

01:28:27.000 But if you could somehow remove the language and just, what is the intention behind I love you?

01:28:33.000 What's the intention behind I would like to paint something beautiful?

01:28:37.000 What is it outside of the words that you would use to describe it in a sentence?

01:28:44.000 If they could figure out some sort of maybe icon-based or some geometric pattern-based language that you can express.

01:28:52.000 Yeah, and we would have to learn that language.

01:28:55.000 Right.

01:28:56.000 But it would be an intention-based language.

01:28:58.000 It wouldn't matter what your language is, whether you speak German or French.

01:29:02.000 It's a little like Minority Report.

01:29:04.000 Then they will say...

01:29:05.000 Take that you had this intention to kill someone and they come and arrest you before it happens.

01:29:10.000 Well, I just feel like everything that's happening in the brain, right?

01:29:13.000 It's all trapped in the brain and then gets expressed through either the fingers or through the mouth, right?

01:29:19.000 Or through the body, right?

01:29:20.000 But these are all these ideas are rolling around inside the body and then they get expressed through something.

01:29:28.000 What if there's a way to get right to them?

01:29:31.000 Where you don't need to do the double birds.

01:29:35.000 You can express that through the actual things that are going on in between your ears.

01:29:45.000 It'll change stand-up for sure.

01:29:47.000 It'll be over for us.

01:29:52.000 We'll be like a blockbuster video of art forms.

01:29:58.000 People will still want songs.

01:30:00.000 Songs will always be cool.

01:30:02.000 When you can read minds, no one wants to hear your stupid jokes.

01:30:05.000 Yeah, your stupid jokes.

01:30:07.000 Yeah, I don't know.

01:30:09.000 I don't know if...

01:30:10.000 Sounds like total stoner science right there.

01:30:12.000 Yeah, that's definitely a long way off.

01:30:14.000 No, there's someone right now writing this down.

01:30:16.000 This is this dude.

01:30:17.000 He's on a spectrum.

01:30:19.000 Yeah, I can do it.

01:30:21.000 He's ambitious.

01:30:23.000 He's got an idea.

01:30:24.000 You can make it true.

01:30:26.000 Well, if you have those HTC Vive headsets on, have you ever put those things on yet?

01:30:30.000 No.

01:30:31.000 Jesus Christ, they're a game changer.

01:30:33.000 You mean the virtual reality stuff?

01:30:35.000 Yes.

01:30:35.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:30:36.000 There's a couple different ones now.

01:30:37.000 There's Oculus Rift.

01:30:39.000 I don't know the Samsung, but the HTC is one.

01:30:42.000 Samsung has one that you slide right into your phone, right?

01:30:46.000 You can slide a phone into it.

01:30:47.000 Oh, you slide your phone into the thing?

01:30:49.000 Yeah, you have like a goggle.

01:30:51.000 The Google Pixel is that, too.

01:30:53.000 It looks like a Viewmaster.

01:30:54.000 Right?

01:30:55.000 Yeah, and you slide it in.

01:30:56.000 I did that with the New York Times had one.

01:30:58.000 They sent like a cardboard one and you slide it in and all of a sudden you're with the refugees in Syria walking down the street. 0.59

01:31:05.000 Yeah.

01:31:06.000 You're looking around you and there's people behind you and in front of you.

01:31:08.000 Fucking bizarre.

01:31:09.000 Yeah, it looks pretty intense.

01:31:11.000 Well, they can do that now.

01:31:12.000 The processing power of phones is pretty good.

01:31:15.000 The crazy thing is you take a regular smartphone and it's not bad, but it's not as good as the high-end ones.

01:31:22.000 Right.

01:31:23.000 And we're in an infancy of this stuff.

01:31:25.000 Most people don't even know what it is when you bring it up.

01:31:27.000 Yeah, it's coming.

01:31:29.000 Dude, Duncan has one where you're in this underwater environment and a whale comes up to say hi to you.

01:31:33.000 No.

01:31:34.000 And you're like, holy shit!

01:31:36.000 There's a fucking whale in front of me!

01:31:38.000 You're like looking at the whale's eye.

01:31:40.000 You're like, oh, this is so weird.

01:31:42.000 Because you really feel like you're at the bottom of the ocean.

01:31:45.000 And these things swim overhead.

01:31:46.000 You watch them.

01:31:47.000 Holy cow. 0.89

01:31:48.000 Oh my god, it's a mindfuck.

01:31:50.000 So you could walk in, sit in a chair and watch a stand-up show.

01:31:54.000 100%.

01:31:54.000 You could record your special.

01:31:57.000 100%.

01:31:57.000 One aspect of doing your special would be releasing it that way.

01:32:01.000 Right?

01:32:02.000 That's a great idea.

01:32:03.000 I'm sure Kevin Hart's already done it.

01:32:04.000 He's probably done it in a football field with a jet pack.

01:32:09.000 With a whale that comes through the middle.

01:32:11.000 Remember when Cat Williams had a lion on stage?

01:32:13.000 Did you ever see that?

01:32:14.000 No.

01:32:15.000 Fuck yeah, Cat Williams. 0.52

01:32:16.000 Thank you for being alive.

01:32:18.000 He's the best.

01:32:18.000 Thank you for being alive.

01:32:19.000 That guy makes me laugh so hard.

01:32:21.000 He's fucking funny.

01:32:22.000 Oh, so funny.

01:32:23.000 I feel like because he's so crazy, people kind of forget how funny he is.

01:32:27.000 Oh my god.

01:32:27.000 His early stuff, like going after Michael Jackson and stuff.

01:32:31.000 Oh, he's so good.

01:32:32.000 So good.

01:32:33.000 So good.

01:32:34.000 He's funny, man.

01:32:35.000 Pure, original, funny as hell.

01:32:39.000 Wild motherfucker. 1.00

01:32:40.000 Yeah, that guy's living a life.

01:32:41.000 That guy's not worried about back pain.

01:32:43.000 He doesn't have responsibility of...

01:32:44.000 He's not worried about getting his kids to school.

01:32:47.000 He's just being cat.

01:32:49.000 He's getting in fistfights with 17-year-olds and losing.

01:32:52.000 That's right in the yard.

01:32:53.000 That kid beat his ass.

01:32:56.000 That kid flipped him around, took his back. 0.90

01:32:58.000 He's like super lucky that kid didn't give him brain damage.

01:33:01.000 I love how everybody else is realizing, wait, I think that's Cat.

01:33:04.000 Yeah, Cat Williams is getting in a goddamn street fight with a young kid. 1.00

01:33:09.000 That was hilarious.

01:33:10.000 He sucker punched the kid.

01:33:12.000 Something tells me Cat's not sitting down with that notebook every morning.

01:33:15.000 Like, I can't.

01:33:16.000 I have to do this.

01:33:17.000 Maybe.

01:33:18.000 He seems like one of those guys that just flies.

01:33:21.000 I feel like he also, like, maybe, I think he's a little smarter than people give him credit for.

01:33:26.000 And I think it's entirely possible that he might, in some sort of a weird, whether it's conscious or subconscious way, put himself in these horrible situations so he has funny shit to talk about.

01:33:37.000 I don't know.

01:33:38.000 My instinct is he just ends up in those things, and that's the beauty that comes out the end.

01:33:42.000 You might be right.

01:33:44.000 I don't think he's as calculated.

01:33:45.000 You might be right.

01:33:46.000 It might be a little bit of both things.

01:33:49.000 Yeah, it could be.

01:33:50.000 See, the thing is, he's very smart, man.

01:33:52.000 Oh, of course.

01:33:52.000 He's calculated.

01:33:53.000 You can't be that funny and not be smart.

01:33:55.000 He said something that I was like, oh, yeah.

01:33:58.000 Like, I was listening to this video.

01:34:00.000 It was him in the backseat of a limo.

01:34:02.000 And he's driving around.

01:34:04.000 And they were talking about before he goes on stage.

01:34:07.000 And one of the things that he said was that he doesn't eat anything.

01:34:10.000 He's like, I don't eat.

01:34:11.000 He goes, you know, I don't want to be full when I'm on stage.

01:34:15.000 You don't want to feel like that.

01:34:16.000 You're better off being hungry.

01:34:19.000 You don't want to be slowed down by food.

01:34:20.000 I'm like, that's a great idea.

01:34:22.000 I know that, but yet I would still violate that if I was hungry.

01:34:26.000 If I had a show at 8 o'clock and I was kind of hungry at 7, I'll eat a fucking cheeseburger.

01:34:32.000 You would?

01:34:32.000 Yeah, for sure.

01:34:33.000 I would drink a milkshake.

01:34:35.000 Really?

01:34:35.000 Yeah, for the longest time.

01:34:37.000 I would just eat whatever the fuck I wanted to.

01:34:39.000 Really?

01:34:39.000 I could never do that.

01:34:40.000 But then I watched that Cat Williams thing and I went, you know what?

01:34:43.000 He's right.

01:34:44.000 You really shouldn't eat before you go on stage.

01:34:47.000 You can always have a little bit in between shows, but when you have a meal, you go down a notch.

01:34:52.000 You just slow down a little bit.

01:34:54.000 Yeah, absolutely.

01:34:55.000 You might be able to power through.

01:34:57.000 No, if I'm in trouble, the hardest part about being on the road is when do you eat?

01:35:02.000 I really feel like the timing of when you eat and when you're going to perform and all that stuff.

01:35:06.000 So if I get past the 4 o'clock, like if I eat late, early in the afternoon, and then I'm getting too close to the show, it's not enough for a meal, then I'll try and protein bar it to get me through the show.

01:35:18.000 Something light that's, you know, I'm not going to be up there digesting.

01:35:22.000 I remember Jim Carrey, there was in some interview...

01:35:26.000 The guy who directed him in, like, Ace Ventura or something, they said, get all of his stuff before lunch, because once he eats, he's a different guy.

01:35:32.000 Like, that hyper, hilarious Jim Carrey, you gotta get that in the morning, because once he starts eating, it's a different guy.

01:35:38.000 No shit.

01:35:39.000 Yeah.

01:35:40.000 It makes sense, right?

01:35:41.000 I mean, you get like, ugh, I just want a nap.

01:35:44.000 Yeah, you can't be like Ace Ventura, Pet Detective.

01:35:47.000 You can't be pulling your ass cheeks apart. 0.58

01:35:50.000 You think about how over the top that fucking movie was.

01:35:53.000 He was so over the top.

01:35:56.000 Like he took over the top to a new place.

01:35:58.000 A whole nother place.

01:35:59.000 You know, like, people who would say, like, you know, like, physical comedy doesn't really work.

01:36:03.000 Like, maybe if you half-ass it.

01:36:05.000 Yeah.

01:36:05.000 But if you go balls out like that guy does, you tell me that's not hilarious?

01:36:10.000 Hilarious!

01:36:10.000 Like, Ace Ventura, Pet Detective, to this day, I'll watch that, and it's fucking hilarious.

01:36:14.000 Just hiking his pants up is hilarious.

01:36:17.000 You know what I mean?

01:36:18.000 It's just like, what an absurd human being he's creating.

01:36:21.000 Right, get the camera on this guy with his facial expressions and running around.

01:36:25.000 I mean, he created this incredibly bizarre character.

01:36:29.000 You're like, what the fuck am I watching?

01:36:30.000 But it was so over the top.

01:36:32.000 So funny.

01:36:33.000 Yeah, he's hilarious.

01:36:34.000 When I was in high school, I would imitate his imitations.

01:36:38.000 Remember when he had that set where he was doing like on Golden Pond?

01:36:42.000 He was like, strawberries?

01:36:43.000 I'm not eating strawberries.

01:36:44.000 He did the whole Golden Pond.

01:36:46.000 He did all these great impressions.

01:36:48.000 Oh, yeah.

01:36:49.000 He could do a lot of impressions.

01:36:50.000 That's how I would try and impress girls, doing his impressions.

01:36:53.000 Yeah.

01:36:55.000 Yeah, he's a fucking super talented guy.

01:36:58.000 Yeah, really talented.

01:37:00.000 Just the energy, the pure energy.

01:37:02.000 And he changed his act right with Rodney.

01:37:04.000 I think he was opening for Rodney and he was doing kind of straight stand-up and then said he wanted to go this new direction and start doing these characters and voices and impressions.

01:37:13.000 And Rodney kind of encouraged him to go for it.

01:37:15.000 Like, you can bomb on my show.

01:37:17.000 I don't care.

01:37:18.000 That's interesting.

01:37:19.000 You can bomb.

01:37:20.000 I don't care.

01:37:21.000 Get out there.

01:37:23.000 He's a bad motherfucker.

01:37:24.000 Yeah.

01:37:25.000 He was a painter.

01:37:25.000 He was on a movie set once, and a friend of mine was working on the set, and he didn't like his performance on a take.

01:37:33.000 He was just like, fuck.

01:37:34.000 He didn't feel like it was up to his standards or something like that.

01:37:38.000 So to burn off energy, he just smashed his fucking car.

01:37:42.000 It was a car that was there, like one of the production cars.

01:37:45.000 Yeah.

01:37:46.000 He just smashed it.

01:37:48.000 Like with a bat?

01:37:48.000 I don't remember what he hit it with.

01:37:50.000 I don't remember what they said.

01:37:50.000 He picked something up and started whacking this fucking car.

01:37:54.000 This is Jim Carrey when he's at the top of the heap.

01:37:57.000 Just let him wreck the car.

01:38:00.000 He just wanted to get some energy out.

01:38:02.000 Just fucking, fucking, fuck!

01:38:05.000 Just smash, smash, smash!

01:38:07.000 Alright, we're back.

01:38:08.000 And then he went and did the scene, and they're like, holy shit, that must have been hilarious.

01:38:12.000 That's great.

01:38:13.000 Do you sometimes think that maybe you should be crazier as a comedian?

01:38:18.000 Oh yeah, I know that feeling.

01:38:19.000 I know exactly what you're saying.

01:38:21.000 I know where you're going with that.

01:38:22.000 Right?

01:38:22.000 That if you were crazy, you'd be funnier.

01:38:24.000 Right, like if you're a completely reckless, crazy person.

01:38:28.000 If you were more cat.

01:38:31.000 I always hear stories like they had to get the guy to the show.

01:38:36.000 I was like, what?

01:38:38.000 Get the guy to the show?

01:38:39.000 I was there a half hour early going through my notes.

01:38:42.000 I'm like, I'm a square.

01:38:44.000 You know, when I was young, I did meditate on purpose.

01:38:47.000 I stopped meditating for a long time because I literally thought, like when I was 21 and 22, I fucking sucked.

01:38:55.000 I sucked.

01:38:56.000 I mean, I just wasn't very good.

01:38:58.000 No, we never are, but we got energy.

01:39:00.000 Yeah, but I thought at the time that if I was moving toward enlightenment, like if I was meditating, the reason why I was meditating, like when I was competing, I would meditate because I would try to move towards a place of balance.

01:39:17.000 But then as a comedian, I was like, you probably shouldn't be balanced.

01:39:21.000 Because the funny shit comes from the people like Richard Pryor, who had all these problems and was kind of crazy.

01:39:27.000 And Kinnison, it was just crazy.

01:39:30.000 Those are my heroes.

01:39:31.000 Yeah, I know.

01:39:32.000 But, you know, they're also not here anymore.

01:39:35.000 Hicks, same thing.

01:39:37.000 Hicks, same thing, you know?

01:39:38.000 Yeah.

01:39:39.000 There's great people that are still around.

01:39:40.000 Fuck yeah.

01:39:41.000 I think the best guys.

01:39:42.000 I really do.

01:39:43.000 I think right now between Bill Burr and Dave Chappelle, Louis C.K., Chris Rock, Joey Diaz.

01:39:50.000 I mean, there's...

01:39:51.000 Tom Papa.

01:39:52.000 Friday Night on Epics.

01:39:53.000 Friday Night.

01:39:54.000 I was wondering when my name was going to come up in that list.

01:39:56.000 Right there.

01:39:57.000 I mean, I think this is like, honestly...

01:39:59.000 I mean, you can keep going.

01:40:01.000 There's a ton of really, really funny comedians right now.

01:40:04.000 Yeah, and none of them are really, like, super reckless with their life.

01:40:09.000 No, Louie's not at all.

01:40:11.000 Burr's not even a little bit.

01:40:12.000 No, Burr's super disciplined.

01:40:15.000 Smart guy.

01:40:16.000 Very hard worker.

01:40:19.000 Very disciplined.

01:40:20.000 Learning how to fly a helicopter.

01:40:21.000 Knows how.

01:40:22.000 He's got a license.

01:40:23.000 Cooks.

01:40:24.000 He makes his own pie crust.

01:40:26.000 Like literally, he uses like shortening and stuff.

01:40:28.000 I brought him one of my sourdough breads.

01:40:31.000 I brought him and his wife really wanted me to bring over his bread, my bread.

01:40:36.000 So I went and brought it over and gave it to her.

01:40:40.000 Of course, they loved it because it's amazing.

01:40:42.000 And right before Thanksgiving, I think it was right before Thanksgiving.

01:40:46.000 Yeah, maybe or that weekend.

01:40:49.000 He texted me and he's like, dude, can I, I got a bread I want to drop off.

01:40:57.000 And he made this traditional kind of like a cinnamony apple kind of a bread.

01:41:04.000 Are you the bread testing guy in the Canadian world?

01:41:07.000 I think he was like, you got bread, I got bread.

01:41:10.000 I make bread too.

01:41:11.000 And he brought it over to my house after a set at the store and dropped it off.

01:41:16.000 It was a little raw inside.

01:41:17.000 He had a problem with his oven.

01:41:18.000 It wasn't a big deal.

01:41:19.000 But it was, yeah, he knows how to bake.

01:41:21.000 That's amazing.

01:41:22.000 I love how you gave him the thumbs up.

01:41:24.000 You're like, all right.

01:41:25.000 I'm like, alright, I'll try it out.

01:41:28.000 I'll accept this.

01:41:29.000 I think he was a little pissed off that his wife liked my bread so much.

01:41:31.000 There's a feeling of expertise that people have when you know they really know something.

01:41:37.000 When you talk about bread, like you just took on right there where you're describing his bread, like, ah, not bad.

01:41:43.000 You have an air of expertise when it comes to the area of bread.

01:41:47.000 Yeah.

01:41:48.000 You do.

01:41:48.000 I'm in deep.

01:41:49.000 I'm in deep.

01:41:51.000 Eilid, when I see you talk about doing your bow and arrow thing, that's what bread is for me.

01:41:56.000 It's this meditative small thing, small moves to try and get better.

01:42:02.000 I'm completely, the rest of the world is out there, and I am in here working on this, figuring this mystery out.

01:42:09.000 When it comes to like bow and arrow stuff, I'm like a good blue belt.

01:42:13.000 Right.

01:42:15.000 I'm not very...

01:42:16.000 There's bakers that run circles around me, but you're in it just as much as that guy is. 0.96

01:42:21.000 What's amazing about the bow and arrow world, I would say the archery world, is how much there is to know.

01:42:27.000 Like, you would never believe it.

01:42:28.000 It's endless.

01:42:29.000 Yeah.

01:42:30.000 Right?

01:42:30.000 You would look at it and you'd go, oh, you pull the string back, you aim, you let the arrow go.

01:42:33.000 Right.

01:42:34.000 And a lot of people, they think that is what it is.

01:42:36.000 Yeah.

01:42:36.000 But then you get into it and you understand the physics behind these things, the cams and the fucking limbs that pull back on these compound bows and how it's all measured and weighed and balanced.

01:42:49.000 And Hoyt has to come out with a brand new, better bow every year.

01:42:54.000 Crazy.

01:42:55.000 These minor improvements of engineering, these things are getting faster and more powerful, and it's all about figuring out how to execute a shot correctly using your skeleton and holding everything perfect and not having any influence on the flight of the arrow.

01:43:11.000 It's maddening.

01:43:12.000 It would take you for a lifetime to master it.

01:43:15.000 And would you?

01:43:16.000 Could you?

01:43:17.000 You could.

01:43:18.000 Could you master it?

01:43:19.000 Could if you got into it.

01:43:19.000 I think if there's nothing physically wrong with you, I think bow and arrow shooting, archery, is one of the more easy things on your body.

01:43:32.000 Like in terms of like, you could be really good at it deep into your 40s or 50s.

01:43:36.000 Right.

01:43:37.000 But what I love about, the reason I ask is the thing I love about this bread thing, what you're talking about with stand-up, it's kind of unknowable.

01:43:46.000 You can get great at it.

01:43:48.000 You can be a master.

01:43:49.000 You can be one of the people that everyone looks at and says, he's one of the guys.

01:43:53.000 And still, it could be on that night or that moment or that pull, it's out of your reach.

01:43:59.000 You know what I mean?

01:43:59.000 I love that idea.

01:44:03.000 Because you know you have something you can work on for the rest of your life.

01:44:06.000 Right.

01:44:07.000 You know what I mean?

01:44:08.000 I'll get calls from Seinfeld telling me he's completely lost with what he's doing with this set.

01:44:14.000 You know what I mean?

01:44:15.000 That, to me, is comforting because that's what a craft is.

01:44:19.000 It's like, I can get really great.

01:44:22.000 I can work so hard, get really, really, really great, and then have a night where you're just off.

01:44:28.000 Yeah, there's really no other way that you can...

01:44:31.000 I mean...

01:44:35.000 For a guy like Seinfeld that's so successful and has made so many fucking stand-up specials, how many specials does he have?

01:44:43.000 Not that many, actually.

01:44:45.000 He's actually...

01:44:46.000 Doesn't he have at least three?

01:44:47.000 Yeah.

01:44:48.000 Four?

01:44:49.000 Yeah, probably three big ones.

01:44:51.000 So he's at least put together four...

01:44:52.000 But thousands...

01:44:53.000 I mean, so many...

01:44:57.000 Late night performances.

01:44:58.000 Right.

01:44:58.000 I mean, so many.

01:45:00.000 That's right, that's right.

01:45:00.000 There's a lot of those, right?

01:45:01.000 Like several a year for 40 years.

01:45:05.000 And then, in between that, you put in the show, Seinfeld, which probably took almost all of his time.

01:45:12.000 Like, he wasn't doing that much stand-up while he was doing that, right?

01:45:14.000 In the summers.

01:45:15.000 He would go tour in the summer.

01:45:16.000 Yeah, because that's a brutal gig.

01:45:19.000 Putting together a giant hit sitcom like Seinfeld, that must have been a brutal gig.

01:45:23.000 He talks about it like he went to war or something.

01:45:27.000 Yeah.

01:45:28.000 But the point is, that guy, that he has to still go through the same process.

01:45:33.000 The same exact...

01:45:34.000 I just talked to him this morning, and all we talked about was, how are you writing?

01:45:39.000 When are you writing?

01:45:39.000 What are you doing?

01:45:40.000 When are you writing?

01:45:40.000 How are you writing?

01:45:41.000 You doing it late?

01:45:42.000 Are you doing it early?

01:45:43.000 I'm doing it here.

01:45:44.000 I'm trying to get it an hour here.

01:45:46.000 Even if I sit and there's just an hour...

01:45:47.000 All that stuff.

01:45:48.000 Wow.

01:45:49.000 Still, 40 years in.

01:45:50.000 That's awesome.

01:45:51.000 Yeah, it's the best.

01:45:52.000 That's what all that stuff is.

01:45:54.000 That's awesome.

01:45:55.000 Yeah.

01:45:56.000 The only advantage I would say that the bread thing has over the bow and arrow thing is I get to eat it.

01:46:04.000 That's a good point.

01:46:05.000 You can eat elk, though.

01:46:06.000 You can.

01:46:08.000 It takes a lot of work.

01:46:12.000 If you want to get an elk or anything, it takes a lot of work.

01:46:15.000 But I guess it takes a lot of work to learn how to bake bread, but it's a different kind of work.

01:46:20.000 It's different, but there's all of this.

01:46:22.000 I mean, there's a whole other level that I am not even close to of the pH balance, the humidity in the house, the temperature, all of this stuff.

01:46:33.000 Who's got it dialed in?

01:46:34.000 Is there like one bread where it's like the...

01:46:36.000 Like if you wanted to get a bow, you would get a Hoyt.

01:46:39.000 Is there one bread that has like a...

01:46:42.000 There's so many.

01:46:44.000 Literally, when I'm on the road, I'll go check out these bakeries and just go see what kind of bread they're making and see who's doing what in this town.

01:46:51.000 And there's a place in Venice down by here.

01:46:55.000 Are they the Rolls Royce?

01:46:57.000 Yeah, but they're kind of...

01:46:59.000 They're the Rolls Royce of bread?

01:47:01.000 Yeah, for this area.

01:47:02.000 They're the Rolls Royce.

01:47:03.000 What's the name of the place?

01:47:04.000 It's called Gusto.

01:47:07.000 I don't know how you pronounce it.

01:47:09.000 It's J-G-U-S-T-O. Or G-J. It's like Gusto. 0.97

01:47:15.000 I call it Gusto.

01:47:16.000 Okay.

01:47:16.000 You walk in this place.

01:47:18.000 It's right by Gold's Gym.

01:47:19.000 You know where Gold's Gym is down there?

01:47:20.000 Yep.

01:47:21.000 It's right there, like in this little shabby place.

01:47:23.000 I worked out there once, bro.

01:47:26.000 I'd imagine.

01:47:26.000 Yeah, bro.

01:47:27.000 I'd imagine, bro.

01:47:28.000 Got in there, bro.

01:47:29.000 Was it a good one, bro?

01:47:30.000 Yeah, bro.

01:47:30.000 Yeah, bro?

01:47:31.000 Got a good lift in.

01:47:32.000 Nice, bro.

01:47:33.000 A lot of big dudes there, bro.

01:47:34.000 Big dudes, bro.

01:47:38.000 You walk over there, there's like this down and dirty, and they make these loaves of bread that are just insane.

01:47:45.000 I brought that home.

01:47:47.000 I'm a hero in my family for making...

01:47:49.000 I bake bread and leave to go on the road and just make sure they have their bread when they're there.

01:47:55.000 Everybody's very happy.

01:47:56.000 I brought this loaf home.

01:47:57.000 My daughter was like, why don't you do this?

01:48:00.000 Why don't you make it like this?

01:48:02.000 That's dark.

01:48:02.000 I have no idea how to do it.

01:48:04.000 There it is right there.

01:48:06.000 Hemp nori whole wheat.

01:48:07.000 Yeah.

01:48:08.000 Wow.

01:48:08.000 Look at that.

01:48:09.000 Look at that crust.

01:48:10.000 That looks goddamn good.

01:48:11.000 Yeah.

01:48:12.000 That is...

01:48:13.000 Now I get it.

01:48:14.000 I get it now.

01:48:15.000 See, that's a piece of art.

01:48:16.000 That's a piece of art.

01:48:17.000 That's an edible piece of art.

01:48:19.000 Like, they've crafted it.

01:48:20.000 It's very appealing on the outside.

01:48:22.000 It looks very rustic in its form.

01:48:24.000 Like, they put the little slashes in it when they were baking it, so it has, like, layers to it.

01:48:28.000 I watched this girl.

01:48:29.000 She was in the back.

01:48:30.000 You could see them working and doing all their stuff.

01:48:33.000 And this girl was back there. 0.99

01:48:35.000 She's... 1.00

01:48:35.000 Beating this thing of dough with a pin. 1.00

01:48:39.000 I was like, maybe I could work here for a little while.

01:48:41.000 Maybe I could just work here for like a couple months and just as an apprentice, like for free.

01:48:47.000 Let me just figure out what the hell they're doing.

01:48:50.000 It literally is to a level I don't know what they're doing.

01:48:53.000 That's all seeds.

01:48:53.000 It's a seed bread.

01:48:54.000 What is that?

01:48:54.000 A nine-grain porridge loaf.

01:48:57.000 Yeah, what the hell?

01:48:58.000 Whoa.

01:48:59.000 That's all seeds.

01:49:00.000 You're putting seeds on it.

01:49:02.000 Are you not into seeds?

01:49:03.000 You're an anti-seeds guy?

01:49:05.000 My family doesn't eat seeds.

01:49:07.000 Whoa.

01:49:08.000 My daughters would be like, there's a seed on it. 1.00

01:49:10.000 They don't like it.

01:49:11.000 What about poppy seed?

01:49:12.000 How could you not like poppy seed bagels?

01:49:14.000 They're the best.

01:49:15.000 What is that guy?

01:49:15.000 He's holding a bunch of them.

01:49:17.000 Look at that guy.

01:49:18.000 Oh my goodness, that looks good.

01:49:20.000 Look at those.

01:49:20.000 Oh my god.

01:49:22.000 We're talking about bread, folks.

01:49:23.000 I don't know if they're changing up the flour or if it's the intensity.

01:49:29.000 To get that dark, you have to have a really high heat and be on it.

01:49:33.000 I don't know if my conventional stove could do it.

01:49:36.000 Yeah, what they're doing is almost like burning it on the outside.

01:49:40.000 Yeah.

01:49:40.000 Almost.

01:49:41.000 We're at the door of burning it.

01:49:43.000 Almost.

01:49:44.000 See, it's hard.

01:49:44.000 The contrast in this photo is hard to tell.

01:49:46.000 Because we might just be looking at some weird shadows where the loaf in the back looks like it's pretty burnt.

01:49:52.000 And the one in the front looks burnt.

01:49:53.000 I'd like to see what it actually looks like in the flesh.

01:49:55.000 Oh, it's so good.

01:49:56.000 It is dark, which means I don't think it's...

01:50:00.000 Look at that.

01:50:01.000 No, let me ask you this.

01:50:02.000 Look how spongy that is.

01:50:03.000 Oh, that looks really good.

01:50:04.000 We're looking at the side.

01:50:06.000 People are like, what the fuck are they looking at?

01:50:08.000 I know.

01:50:08.000 We're looking at the side profile of bread with these little holes in it.

01:50:12.000 Yeah.

01:50:12.000 Now, let me ask you this.

01:50:13.000 That's called the crumb.

01:50:14.000 Butter or no butter?

01:50:17.000 Um...

01:50:18.000 I don't, uh...

01:50:21.000 I don't...

01:50:22.000 I fucking knew it.

01:50:24.000 You don't use butter.

01:50:25.000 I like butter.

01:50:27.000 How dare you?

01:50:29.000 If you like butter, you'd like butter on bread.

01:50:31.000 Okay, that's where it's its best thing.

01:50:33.000 I know, but there's this other stuff.

01:50:34.000 It's where butter does its best work.

01:50:36.000 There's this other stuff that's pretty good, too.

01:50:37.000 It's the only time where butter, you allow it to be cold.

01:50:40.000 Huh?

01:50:40.000 It's the only time where you allow your butter to be cold.

01:50:43.000 You spread your butter on a loaf of bread.

01:50:45.000 Yeah.

01:50:45.000 That's when you don't mind a cold butter.

01:50:47.000 Martha Stewart tell me you shouldn't leave your butter out on the counter.

01:50:51.000 Oh, yeah?

01:50:51.000 Tell Martha Stewart you shouldn't fucking cheat on your taxes.

01:50:53.000 Hey! 0.99

01:50:54.000 Oh! 0.60

01:50:55.000 That's my girlfriend! 1.00

01:50:56.000 Oh! 0.60

01:50:57.000 Oh! 0.60

01:50:58.000 Actually, she inside traded.

01:51:00.000 I was wrong.

01:51:01.000 She's insider trading.

01:51:02.000 Yeah, she got a little tip.

01:51:04.000 I'm sorry.

01:51:04.000 She got a tip.

01:51:05.000 How does that work, man?

01:51:06.000 Are you supposed to not respond to tips?

01:51:09.000 Everybody responds to tips.

01:51:10.000 They're all doing it.

01:51:11.000 They are?

01:51:12.000 I don't know.

01:51:12.000 You think they're all insider trading?

01:51:13.000 Yeah, of course.

01:51:14.000 You'd like to get them some of your bread, wouldn't you?

01:51:16.000 You think these guys...

01:51:17.000 I'll give you some bread if you give me a tip.

01:51:21.000 I'll buy you.

01:51:22.000 I'll get you a nice sourdough.

01:51:24.000 Nice sourdough.

01:51:26.000 If I got a tip, I'd be like, oh, look, dude, we have a big tip.

01:51:29.000 You might have explained this to me, but please do again, because I'm retarded.

01:51:34.000 Why does sourdough have that flavor?

01:51:38.000 Someone said that it's almost gluten-free, that it's not the same as regular bread.

01:51:44.000 Is that true?

01:51:45.000 It is true, and I don't really know the science behind it.

01:51:48.000 Did we discuss this the last time?

01:51:50.000 I don't know, but I've given it to friends that have a gluten intolerant problem, and they are able to digest it a lot easier.

01:51:57.000 Tom Papa using his friends as guinea pigs.

01:51:59.000 Here, let's see if you shit yourself.

01:52:02.000 Have some gluten-free breadcrumbs, wink, wink.

01:52:05.000 Just eat it.

01:52:09.000 If you ask for gluten-free at this place, would they spit in your face?

01:52:12.000 Like good Americans?

01:52:13.000 I don't know.

01:52:14.000 Probably.

01:52:15.000 Nah, I don't know.

01:52:16.000 They are in Venice.

01:52:17.000 They probably...

01:52:17.000 I don't know.

01:52:18.000 Listen to me, folks.

01:52:19.000 Bread is bad for you.

01:52:20.000 It's not.

01:52:20.000 Make the best bad for you.

01:52:23.000 Do the best you can to taste the best while it's bad for you.

01:52:26.000 It's so good.

01:52:27.000 If that's the one carb that you eat, it's the fermentation time.

01:52:31.000 It's the bacteria that builds up or breaks down the gluten proteins.

01:52:36.000 That's interesting.

01:52:38.000 But you need gluten for the structure of the bread, so it still has gluten.

01:52:41.000 Oh, so it does have some gluten.

01:52:43.000 Yeah, because that's the framework that's making it big and beautiful.

01:52:45.000 So if you don't eat the crust, maybe you don't get the gluten.

01:52:47.000 No, it's in there.

01:52:49.000 It's in there.

01:52:50.000 It's just in there?

01:52:51.000 Yeah, it's in there.

01:52:52.000 Trying to do science.

01:52:53.000 But there might be some other stuff.

01:52:54.000 I mean, I think the problem, really, my just gut instinct is that when you're eating all this gluten with other stuff, there's so much other stuff added in there that's maybe interacting with the gluten that's giving you the problem.

01:53:07.000 This bread has three ingredients.

01:53:09.000 You sound like an apologist.

01:53:11.000 He's a gluten apologist.

01:53:12.000 Water, flour, and salt.

01:53:14.000 That's it.

01:53:15.000 So you're not getting all this extra additives and stuff that are in there.

01:53:20.000 I think that's what's giving people really the problem.

01:53:22.000 So you think like preservatives in bread that like commercial bakeries use?

01:53:26.000 32 ingredients.

01:53:27.000 Okay, like what kind of ingredients are they?

01:53:29.000 You can't even pronounce them.

01:53:31.000 Oh, you know what?

01:53:33.000 You make a good point.

01:53:35.000 The FDA had to change the definition of what bread was so they could deal with these commercial breads.

01:53:42.000 Really?

01:53:42.000 Yeah, that's not really technically what a bread is.

01:53:45.000 If you add all this other stuff, it's not really bread.

01:53:47.000 Okay, so what is Wonder Bread?

01:53:50.000 Besides delicious.

01:53:52.000 A whole bunch of fun.

01:53:53.000 Oh, look at this.

01:53:54.000 Take Wonder Bread.

01:53:55.000 Oh, my God.

01:53:55.000 And it's popular Wonder Plus White Loaf with fiber.

01:53:58.000 Ingredients.

01:53:59.000 Unbleached wheat flour, water, sugar, oat hull fiber, yeast, soybean and or canola oil, wheat gluten, salt, natural soy flavor, sour flavor rather, bacterial culture, soy flour, cultured wheat starch solids, vinegar,

01:54:14.000 soy, lecithin.

01:54:16.000 Uh-huh.

01:54:17.000 Hmm.

01:54:18.000 It says, look at this, Wonder Bread, not wonderful for your health, the naked label.

01:54:23.000 Why not just make an article called Duh?

01:54:27.000 Who the fuck thinks Wonder Bread's good for you?

01:54:29.000 That's like saying, hey kids, if you drink, you'll get drunk.

01:54:33.000 High fructose corn syrup.

01:54:35.000 Wheat gluten.

01:54:37.000 Look at this stuff.

01:54:38.000 Calcium sulfate, dough conditioners, sodium, sterile oil, lactate, exoxylated, mono and diglycerides.

01:54:50.000 Look at this.

01:54:51.000 Hold on, hold on.

01:54:52.000 Go back.

01:54:53.000 That one may or may not have actually been Wonder Bread.

01:54:56.000 What is it?

01:54:56.000 I don't know that it officially was.

01:54:58.000 It says Wonder Bread Ingredients.

01:54:59.000 Let's keep fucking lying then.

01:55:01.000 We've lied this far.

01:55:02.000 Fake news, baby.

01:55:03.000 Yeah, this is fake news.

01:55:04.000 Ammonium chloride.

01:55:05.000 Where do we stop here?

01:55:06.000 Calcium dioxide and or azodicarbonamide.

01:55:14.000 Jesus Christ.

01:55:16.000 More.

01:55:17.000 Look at this.

01:55:17.000 Ammonium chloride, ammonium sulfate, and or monocalcium phosphate, calcium propionate.

01:55:27.000 Ammonium sulfate.

01:55:29.000 Imagine ammonium in your bread.

01:55:31.000 Jimmy, you must find out if that's real.

01:55:33.000 Now you have perplexed me.

01:55:34.000 I have to pee.

01:55:35.000 Can I pee?

01:55:35.000 Yeah, please.

01:55:36.000 We'll just keep reading the ingredients for...

01:55:38.000 This one's right off the bag.

01:55:39.000 Okay, right off the...

01:55:40.000 So it's all those things.

01:55:41.000 That was all those things that we were just talking about.

01:55:44.000 So all that stuff really is in there.

01:55:46.000 Wow, that's nuts.

01:55:50.000 I guess...

01:55:52.000 Boy, you know, you run into that thing where you say, well, if you want to have bread on the shelves in places where they're not growing any food, like, in order for it to be fresh enough for you to eat and not get sick, you gotta have some sort of preservatives in the bread.

01:56:08.000 I just, like, would one, I would like to know, like, definitively, How much those preservatives have an effect on your health?

01:56:16.000 Everybody assumes they're really bad for you, right?

01:56:19.000 Don't you assume they're really bad for you?

01:56:21.000 Sure, yeah.

01:56:21.000 I do too.

01:56:22.000 Sounds like it.

01:56:22.000 I would like to know what the fuck they do.

01:56:25.000 Because what they're doing is they're not allowing bacterial growth, right?

01:56:28.000 That's what a preservative is.

01:56:29.000 So if you have a loaf of bread and you put preservatives in it, it's stunting bacterial growth, which will eventually take over and your bread will get moldy, right?

01:56:38.000 Right.

01:56:38.000 So that's a poison.

01:56:40.000 So you've got some sort of a poison on your bread that keeps it from being edible to bacteria.

01:56:45.000 So instead of eating bread while it's fresh, when you're supposed to eat it, the only time you're supposed to eat it, you've got some chemicals pumped into it.

01:56:52.000 What's that doing to your body?

01:56:54.000 Exactly.

01:56:55.000 Messing it up.

01:56:56.000 What do you think it's doing?

01:56:58.000 What is it doing physically to your body?

01:57:00.000 It's probably making it difficult to digest things.

01:57:03.000 You're probably not transferring real food into the nutrients that you need.

01:57:07.000 Your system's going to work on this thing.

01:57:09.000 Anything you put in your body, your body seems to react and deal with it.

01:57:14.000 It has to deal with it.

01:57:15.000 It's probably dealing with that and slowing down some other processes.

01:57:19.000 Yeah.

01:57:19.000 That's bro science for you.

01:57:21.000 But I bet your bro science makes a lot of sense.

01:57:23.000 And I also bet your bro science could point to that if you're taking in these things that are anti...

01:57:29.000 They essentially...

01:57:29.000 They stunt...

01:57:30.000 Again, super bro science.

01:57:32.000 They're stunting these microbes growing on bread and mold growing on bread. 0.82

01:57:37.000 But you have a bunch of gut flora.

01:57:40.000 So if you take that stuff and you put it inside your gut...

01:57:43.000 Yeah.

01:57:44.000 Your gut flora has to be dealing with at least some...

01:57:47.000 Of that.

01:57:47.000 Interesting.

01:57:48.000 I mean, how much is left, how much of the preservative is in the bread while your body's trying to break it down, where this gut flora is used to digesting organic material, now it's dealing with sodium, laurel, iconofucking, clastic, supercalifragilistice.

01:58:02.000 And it's probably taking out some of the stuff that you need to fight off other stuff in your gut.

01:58:06.000 100%, man.

01:58:07.000 That's why antibiotics are so bad for you.

01:58:09.000 Not because they don't cure diseases, they definitely do, but because they also wreck your whole biome.

01:58:15.000 Like, you have to take a bunch of probiotics and...

01:58:18.000 To try and get your system back to operating.

01:58:20.000 People have sometimes problems for quite a long time after operations because of the probiotics.

01:58:26.000 The probiotics, which are important to keep you from getting infections, but they're not without a price.

01:58:31.000 Like, your body pays a price for that.

01:58:33.000 I mean, look, there's been times when you walk in and you're like, you had a bread, like an Italian bread that you bought just from the supermarket, and you're like, three days later, you're like, oh, this is probably, no, soft, I could eat that.

01:58:45.000 I could still eat this.

01:58:46.000 A week later, that's not good.

01:58:49.000 How long is a loaf of bread supposed to last?

01:58:52.000 When you cut it, it should start getting hard immediately.

01:58:56.000 Really.

01:58:57.000 By the next day, that part that you cut that's exposed.

01:59:00.000 The stuff that's under the crust, it could last for three days, four days.

01:59:05.000 My grandfather lived in an Italian neighborhood, an all-Italian neighborhood in Newark, New Jersey.

01:59:11.000 And when I was a little kid, We used to go to the bread store.

01:59:17.000 We used to go to the bakery.

01:59:18.000 They would go to the bakery like every couple of days.

01:59:21.000 They would have a loaf of bread.

01:59:22.000 It would sit on the kitchen table.

01:59:24.000 They would chop from the loaf.

01:59:25.000 They had a white paper wrapper.

01:59:27.000 They'd pull it out of the wrapper a little bit, cut some slices, push it back in the wrapper, kind of roll it up.

01:59:32.000 But everybody knew it was good for a couple of days.

01:59:34.000 And then a couple of days later, my grandpa would go down to the bakery and get it again.

01:59:38.000 And this same place had been in operation since like the 1920s or something like that.

01:59:43.000 It's great.

01:59:44.000 And it was this cool little neighborhood bakery.

01:59:47.000 It's the best.

01:59:48.000 And then you would do that with all your foods.

01:59:51.000 Then you'd go to the fruit guy and get that.

01:59:53.000 Then you'd get your meat from that guy.

01:59:54.000 And it wasn't all meant to last forever.

01:59:59.000 Yeah, you know, I think, when I think about the time, like we were talking about how hard it is to eat when you're on the road, and like, you know, when you're pressed for time, if you're running between obligations, you have all these different things you're doing.

02:00:11.000 Yeah.

02:00:11.000 It's hard to get good food in your system.

02:00:14.000 It is.

02:00:14.000 You know, that's...

02:00:15.000 I did it this weekend, and I was eating, I ate horribly, I felt, I was dragging...

02:00:22.000 All weekend.

02:00:24.000 I just was putting crap in my body in a pinch.

02:00:29.000 It's so hard.

02:00:30.000 Sometimes you're in a hotel and you're like, is there a side vegetable?

02:00:33.000 Can I have just a side?

02:00:34.000 No.

02:00:35.000 What do you mean no?

02:00:37.000 You don't have a vegetable for me?

02:00:39.000 Yeah, it's really bad.

02:00:41.000 But that's why I make two loaves at a time, and I literally have to go back to New York tomorrow, and I just got in yesterday.

02:00:50.000 Wow.

02:00:50.000 So while I got in, fed the starter to get the bread going, and now when I go home, and then I made it into dough this morning, it's rising now, I'll go back and bake this bread, and then they'll have bread for the week until I come back on Friday.

02:01:04.000 That's awesome.

02:01:04.000 That's my job.

02:01:06.000 That's so cool.

02:01:06.000 That's my job at the house.

02:01:08.000 That's so nice, because that's something they're going to think about you every time they eat your bread.

02:01:13.000 Daddy makes this.

02:01:14.000 It's funny, because my kids will send me pictures of sourdough from when they're at a restaurant with their friends or something.

02:01:19.000 They'll be like, not very good.

02:01:22.000 Your kids are snobs! 0.99

02:01:25.000 What I was gonna get at, though, is that when you're on the road, and you're on the hustle, and you're doing so many different things, you don't have a chance to eat well, and you definitely don't have the chance to have a loaf of bread, and take some slices out of it, and then get another loaf in a couple of days.

02:01:40.000 Most people are way too busy.

02:01:41.000 But what I was gonna get at is, it's kind of like what you were talking about before.

02:01:45.000 Could you downsize?

02:01:46.000 Like, could you downsize?

02:01:47.000 And if you did, like, would you be happier?

02:01:49.000 You might be.

02:01:50.000 You might be happier if you did less stuff.

02:01:52.000 You might be happier if you calmed down more.

02:01:54.000 You might be happier if you went and got bread every couple of days.

02:01:56.000 Or you made your own bread every couple of days.

02:01:59.000 Whatever is keeping...

02:02:00.000 Ah, I can't do that.

02:02:01.000 I'm too busy.

02:02:02.000 Whatever that is might be the problem.

02:02:05.000 Like, we might, in our rush to be successful, I think a lot of people...

02:02:10.000 I think it's totally possible that you overshoot the happiness spot.

02:02:14.000 Yeah.

02:02:15.000 No, I know.

02:02:16.000 I mean, look, if I was the Tom Papa that started stand-up for the first week, and you showed me where I'm at now, I would think, oh, pure bliss.

02:02:31.000 Pure bliss.

02:02:33.000 And now I am where I am, and I'm like, I don't know, I think that old guy might have been a little happier.

02:02:40.000 I think that guy who was just doing a spot for five bucks at the comic strip, that guy was pretty happy.

02:02:46.000 Well, especially now when you know that you're going to wind up being successful.

02:02:51.000 See, that's the thing about when the unknown is very stressful.

02:02:55.000 That's true.

02:02:56.000 At that time you were like, am I ever going to get on Conan?

02:02:59.000 Yeah.

02:03:00.000 And we all know that one guy, at least a few guys, that was really funny, but for some reason didn't catch on.

02:03:06.000 Yeah.

02:03:07.000 Right?

02:03:08.000 Yeah, I know.

02:03:09.000 There's a ton of those guys.

02:03:10.000 A ton.

02:03:11.000 And so you'd always think about them, like, what about that guy?

02:03:13.000 Whatever happened to that guy?

02:03:14.000 Yeah.

02:03:15.000 No, I know.

02:03:16.000 The wall of death at a comedy club.

02:03:18.000 And you're like, where'd all these people go?

02:03:20.000 Where'd all these people go?

02:03:21.000 Yeah.

02:03:22.000 Yeah!

02:03:22.000 The store's got a fucking haunted wall.

02:03:25.000 You walk on some of the wall, the guys just stopped.

02:03:27.000 They just stopped doing it.

02:03:28.000 I know.

02:03:28.000 To us, it's like one of the scariest things, right?

02:03:31.000 Terrifying.

02:03:32.000 So I think we have a romanticizing instinct.

02:03:36.000 The human animal does.

02:03:38.000 Yeah.

02:03:38.000 I think we have a gigantic instinct to go back to a time where shit made sense.

02:03:43.000 Make America great again.

02:03:45.000 Seriously.

02:03:46.000 There's that novel thing.

02:03:48.000 Every girlfriend you were with was pretty good.

02:03:50.000 Everything you did was pretty great.

02:03:52.000 All those little crappy ways you spend your time, those are fun.

02:03:57.000 Yeah, I don't know.

02:03:58.000 At the time, you didn't think so, probably so much.

02:04:00.000 You get in a fight with your girlfriend, think about your ex-girlfriend, she wouldn't have talked to me like that. 0.99

02:04:06.000 It's because it's knowable, right?

02:04:07.000 Like, the future's unknowable, so it's scary.

02:04:10.000 All this change that the country was going under, like, what do you mean these jobs are going away?

02:04:15.000 What do you mean we're going into, what do you mean we gotta deal with India? 0.91

02:04:18.000 What do you mean technology's taking over my life?

02:04:20.000 That's scary!

02:04:22.000 No, a picket fence where I go when I get my bread.

02:04:25.000 American eagle perched on my dick.

02:04:29.000 That's noble.

02:04:30.000 It feels safer.

02:04:31.000 You could break it down to an MAGA. MAGA. Yeah, hashtag MAGA, faggots. 1.00

02:04:40.000 It becomes a chant.

02:04:43.000 It's just a grunt.

02:04:44.000 It's not even a word.

02:04:45.000 Well, whether he represents that or not, there can be no doubt that he is the king of the assholes.

02:04:51.000 Like he figured out like...

02:04:53.000 He found, like, the people that are gonna support him almost exclusively.

02:04:58.000 Yeah.

02:04:58.000 Like, there's a lot of assholes.

02:05:00.000 If you could tap into them...

02:05:02.000 Yeah.

02:05:02.000 There's a lot.

02:05:04.000 You just gotta...

02:05:05.000 This is the first one that made sense to them.

02:05:08.000 They were never politically active for Walter Mundale.

02:05:12.000 You know, assholes didn't step up for Mitt Romney.

02:05:15.000 No.

02:05:16.000 But then Trump came along and they go, He's one of us, boys!

02:05:18.000 Yeah.

02:05:19.000 We're gonna make America great again!

02:05:21.000 He's one of us!

02:05:22.000 This man that lives in a, this billionaire that lives on the top of a tower in Manhattan is one of us.

02:05:28.000 I saw a really dark video of this guy.

02:05:34.000 He got in a traffic altercation with this black guy.

02:05:37.000 The black guy's holding the phone.

02:05:38.000 The white guy comes up to the window.

02:05:41.000 And one of the first things he says, he said, Trump!

02:05:46.000 All the way, bro!

02:05:47.000 Trump!

02:05:49.000 Really?

02:05:49.000 He goes, you're telling me Black Lives Matter?

02:05:52.000 He goes, you just can't say Black Lives Matter.

02:05:54.000 You gotta show me Black Lives Matter. 0.99

02:05:57.000 Yeah.

02:05:57.000 He goes, show me a reason.

02:05:59.000 Because now you're just saying it.

02:06:00.000 He goes, and you cut in front of me, and you spit up and cut in front of me, that makes you a nigger. 1.00

02:06:05.000 And he's filming him while this guy's saying this.

02:06:09.000 And I'm like, wow.

02:06:10.000 Wow!

02:06:11.000 Man, oh man.

02:06:12.000 That attitude, that like, he opens up with Trump.

02:06:16.000 He opens up with it.

02:06:18.000 No, it's no joke.

02:06:19.000 I'm not saying that everybody who's a Trump supporter is like that.

02:06:21.000 What I am saying is, don't even look that video up.

02:06:24.000 I don't want to get that guy in any more trouble that I'm sure you're already in.

02:06:28.000 To that feeling, that feeling is like you're only going to attack that specific type of feeling.

02:06:37.000 You've got to avoid that.

02:06:39.000 Whatever that pops up.

02:06:41.000 That's terrible.

02:06:42.000 It's called hate.

02:06:44.000 Yeah, well, it's the angle that he went on it.

02:06:47.000 Look, if these guys got in a legitimate traffic altercation, and that legitimate traffic altercation was because one guy hit his blinker too late or cut in front of somebody or something like that, if you're a fucking human being with any decency...

02:07:01.000 You discuss what happened.

02:07:02.000 Right.

02:07:03.000 And maybe you fucked up and maybe you should apologize. 0.73

02:07:06.000 And maybe he fucked up and maybe he will apologize.

02:07:09.000 Who knows?

02:07:10.000 But when you open up with Trump all the way, Trump, bro, Black Lives Matter, you know, show me.

02:07:15.000 Like, where is your head at?

02:07:17.000 This is how you're communicating with a person.

02:07:20.000 Well, he tapped into all degrees of that.

02:07:25.000 Yeah.

02:07:25.000 All degrees of that.

02:07:26.000 When...

02:07:28.000 When people are being bombarded, when white guys in Ohio who are going out trying to work as a construction worker and that guy's got three kids and he was told White men are over.

02:07:42.000 White men are done, right? 0.98

02:07:43.000 It became like a trendy thing.

02:07:45.000 Who told anybody that?

02:07:46.000 It's in all the media.

02:07:47.000 It's just people saying white people are done.

02:07:49.000 White people are done. 0.94

02:07:50.000 I'm reading different sites.

02:07:53.000 Are you reading the white people are done websites, Jamie?

02:07:55.000 I've seen people say that on Twitter, yeah.

02:07:57.000 Even like Huffington Post.

02:07:58.000 You go to black Twitter, though. 0.73

02:07:59.000 You're always on black Twitter.

02:08:01.000 Even Huffington Post, it's always about white males.

02:08:05.000 Another white male gets the job.

02:08:07.000 Are you going to say salon.com next?

02:08:10.000 I'm saying it's a big thing, and that people, that guy who's being told that the jobs aren't for you, it's for these other people, that's what's coming.

02:08:19.000 But you're sitting there with your wife and two kids, and you're like, alright, look, I get it.

02:08:23.000 White guys had a good run, you're saying. 0.52

02:08:25.000 White guys are kind of passe. 1.00

02:08:26.000 But I got Christmas to pay for, and I got a good run.

02:08:30.000 I think that's such an extreme perspective on it that white people are done.

02:08:34.000 I think the big perspective, the much broader perspective on people that are trying to encourage diversity is that they feel like people have been discriminated against in the past.

02:08:43.000 It's time to balance that out.

02:08:45.000 It doesn't mean that white people suck.

02:08:46.000 It just means that everybody's great.

02:08:48.000 Let's ever bring them all in.

02:08:49.000 That's the right way to look at it.

02:08:51.000 But you're going to have the extreme that go, white people suck, white people stand down, white people should shut the fuck up and let us talk now.

02:08:58.000 But that's always going to be the case.

02:09:00.000 You're always going to have fluctuations inside of a good idea.

02:09:03.000 For sure.

02:09:03.000 But it resonated.

02:09:06.000 I think white people...

02:09:08.000 This is the morning after the election.

02:09:12.000 Morning after.

02:09:12.000 That whole night of, what the hell?

02:09:14.000 What's happened?

02:09:15.000 Who's...

02:09:16.000 What?

02:09:17.000 I get up in the morning.

02:09:18.000 I have a new puppy.

02:09:19.000 I take my puppy outside.

02:09:21.000 It's 6 o'clock in the morning.

02:09:22.000 6.30 in the morning.

02:09:23.000 I'm outside with the dog.

02:09:25.000 And I hear...

02:09:27.000 In the distance, it's a quiet, you know, upscale neighborhood.

02:09:31.000 I hear, ha, yeah, can you believe it?

02:09:33.000 Ha, ha, yeah, no way!

02:09:34.000 White people. 0.69

02:09:35.000 I'm like, this has got to be about the election.

02:09:38.000 They're so like, I know, I couldn't believe it happened either.

02:09:41.000 I peer through, it was like through the bushes, and I see a white Mercedes.

02:09:45.000 It's a white Mercedes.

02:09:46.000 A guy's talking to another guy.

02:09:49.000 They're talking, I can hardly understand what they're saying, and as the guy leaves, He's like, alright man, I'll see you soon.

02:09:55.000 White lives matter! 1.00

02:09:57.000 And takes off.

02:09:58.000 This is a guy doing well, in a Mercedes, living in this nice neighborhood.

02:10:02.000 And that was the first thing I heard the next morning.

02:10:07.000 You can't say that anybody else doesn't matter.

02:10:11.000 You can't make people feel like they don't exist because they will fight back on all sides all the time.

02:10:17.000 That's a very good point.

02:10:19.000 And that's unfortunately what some people hear.

02:10:21.000 If you hear Black Lives Matter, what you hear is, well, that means white lives don't.

02:10:26.000 Or that means white lives do less.

02:10:28.000 Or that means we're trying to call attention to one very specific race only.

02:10:34.000 And even though I completely understand why they're doing it, I don't think there's anything wrong with Black Lives Matter.

02:10:39.000 I don't think there's anything wrong with the idea of it.

02:10:41.000 But I think, I didn't have this reaction to it, but I know that some people probably did.

02:10:45.000 They immediately go, yeah, what about what people?

02:10:48.000 That's a fucking knee-jerker, and that might not have had to happen.

02:10:54.000 I think sometimes ideas, the way they're displayed, sometimes people, they do it because it feels like the right thing to do at the time, or the right way to say it at the time.

02:11:04.000 Anytime you're inviting any sort of anger or dispute, it feels like you want to do that to push back, but that shit is going to come back this way.

02:11:12.000 It's way easier said than done.

02:11:15.000 But I think that a lot of what we see from this reaction to anything that's aggressively progressive is people, when they feel like they're pushed, they're like, you have to listen to the way we see the world.

02:11:32.000 And then they want to go, the fuck I do.

02:11:34.000 They want to push back and almost ramp up, double down on the racism, double down on their In trying to correct wrongs, it could come off as being aggressive and bullying to those people.

02:11:49.000 100%.

02:11:49.000 Especially if you don't agree with them.

02:11:53.000 Here's the thing, man.

02:11:54.000 Everybody thinks they're right, whether you're on the right or the left.

02:11:57.000 Everybody thinks they have a moral imperative.

02:11:59.000 Everybody thinks that they're doing the right thing, unless you're a piece of shit, right?

02:12:03.000 Right.

02:12:03.000 Let's assume people, for the most part, aren't pieces of shit.

02:12:06.000 They think they're doing the right thing, but this is the way they've grown up.

02:12:10.000 So much of it is cultural.

02:12:12.000 When you look at the world today, we're all just human beings, but there's people that are living in parts of the world that must behave a way different way than we are allowed to behave, because they're entrapped in a religious ideology that dominates their community.

02:12:27.000 Right.

02:12:27.000 So it could be these poor kids in Africa that get that female genital mutilation, like how many of them have it done to them.

02:12:35.000 It could be that.

02:12:36.000 It could be growing up a Mormon in Utah in a crazy fucking house filled with nutty Mormons. 1.00

02:12:41.000 You know, there's a million different possibilities.

02:12:45.000 The roll of the dice that you ended up there.

02:12:46.000 But apparently people are just super flexible.

02:12:50.000 Our behavior is really malleable and we're adaptable and we can fit into whether it's a horrible ideology like what happened What happened in World War II? What happened with the Nazis?

02:13:05.000 They fell into a horrible way of living life.

02:13:09.000 But that's a possibility.

02:13:12.000 It's going on right now in North Korea.

02:13:14.000 It's always a possibility for people to fit into these little, weird, little packages.

02:13:19.000 So if you see someone that has a weird package of existence that you don't jive with, You gotta look at it like, what would you do if you were them?

02:13:29.000 Like, if you had lived their life and now you're looking at this from their perspective.

02:13:33.000 Don't look at it from your perspective.

02:13:35.000 Try, if you can, to imagine what it would be like to look at it from theirs.

02:13:39.000 I mean, it's so random.

02:13:40.000 I mean, especially, like, growing up here.

02:13:43.000 It's like...

02:13:45.000 If you had been born just 200 miles south in Mexico, your life is totally different.

02:13:53.000 Totally different.

02:13:54.000 You just got lucky that your parents ended up a little north.

02:14:01.000 You know what I mean?

02:14:04.000 It's really unsettling.

02:14:06.000 It's unsettling, and that's one of the worst parts about...

02:14:10.000 The really simple, build that wall, build that wall, build that wall.

02:14:15.000 That really simple sentiment.

02:14:17.000 There's a problem with that, man.

02:14:19.000 There's a difference between pride in what you are and having an enemy that you need this enemy to take people down.

02:14:26.000 But it's what we were saying before, man.

02:14:28.000 It's like if you're expressing fear, you're going to get a pushback.

02:14:32.000 If you're expressing anger, you're going to get a pushback.

02:14:34.000 If all of a sudden you're like, build that wall, build that wall, that seems to me to be a place that I want to get in now.

02:14:40.000 Right.

02:14:40.000 You know, and if you're a person who wants to do something bad, that's the spot that's way more evil now.

02:14:46.000 Yeah.

02:14:47.000 Because now you've got a big crazy wall.

02:14:48.000 Right.

02:14:49.000 Like, there's gotta be some sort of recognition.

02:14:53.000 Right.

02:14:54.000 That almost like it has to come from the top, it seems like.

02:14:57.000 And there has to be some sort of recognition that, look, the reality of our existence here is that we're extremely fortunate.

02:15:04.000 And the reality of other people's existence is that they've got terrible luck.

02:15:07.000 This is an undeniable reality of babies.

02:15:11.000 Yeah.

02:15:11.000 100% of the time, all over the world, right?

02:15:14.000 No baby worked hard to get where they are.

02:15:15.000 They just showed up.

02:15:16.000 They just got lucky.

02:15:17.000 Roll the dice.

02:15:18.000 Came out of the right body.

02:15:19.000 Hey, we're in Manhattan.

02:15:21.000 All right.

02:15:21.000 Who's my mom?

02:15:22.000 Where are we?

02:15:23.000 We live in Tribeca?

02:15:24.000 There's great Italian restaurants here.

02:15:25.000 Good schools.

02:15:26.000 What a great place to grow up.

02:15:27.000 Look at my onesie.

02:15:28.000 It's made of cashmere.

02:15:29.000 So lucky.

02:15:30.000 Oh my God, this is great.

02:15:32.000 Yeah.

02:15:32.000 But the difference between that and being born in a hut in the Congo, you just got lucky.

02:15:38.000 Yeah.

02:15:40.000 Build that wall!

02:15:41.000 Build that wall!

02:15:42.000 I get where you're coming from.

02:15:44.000 I understand the motivation to think like that.

02:15:46.000 But I really pretty firmly believe that anytime you put something like that out, you get something like that that comes back at you.

02:15:54.000 Anything that has a little hate on the edges, there's a lot of people, like that guy you say in that video, it's an aggressive...

02:16:05.000 Yeah.

02:16:05.000 Fuck yeah.

02:16:06.000 We got it.

02:16:07.000 We won.

02:16:08.000 This is our guy.

02:16:09.000 Here we come.

02:16:10.000 Yeah.

02:16:10.000 Scary.

02:16:11.000 Scary.

02:16:11.000 I've never lived...

02:16:13.000 I haven't been here that long, but there's never been after an election where large groups of people were scared.

02:16:19.000 Yeah.

02:16:20.000 That's never happened.

02:16:20.000 Unhappy, pissed off.

02:16:22.000 I can't believe they're going to do this.

02:16:24.000 That asshole's in office.

02:16:26.000 Never has there been large groups of families really legitimately frightened.

02:16:33.000 Of our leader.

02:16:34.000 That's never happened.

02:16:36.000 I feel like Bill Clinton should just step up and just say, see, this is why we always rig the system.

02:16:43.000 We were trying to avoid this.

02:16:45.000 Okay?

02:16:46.000 We were protecting you from your own selves and your ridiculous desire to have famous people like you.

02:16:53.000 Congratulations.

02:16:55.000 Yeah.

02:16:56.000 It was rigged for a reason.

02:17:00.000 I heard the greatest nickname for Trump.

02:17:03.000 Somebody called him Cheeto Jesus.

02:17:05.000 Yes.

02:17:06.000 I've been using Cheeto Jesus.

02:17:08.000 That's good.

02:17:09.000 It's just...

02:17:11.000 Yeah.

02:17:12.000 On election night, it was really upsetting.

02:17:14.000 Was it?

02:17:15.000 My daughter is a 14-year-old girl who just heard...

02:17:19.000 She's smart.

02:17:20.000 She's a high school freshman.

02:17:22.000 And just heard what this guy was saying about women and just heard what he was saying about handicaps or whatever.

02:17:31.000 Well, that handicap thing, did you know that that's... 0.81

02:17:35.000 I'm not giving him an excuse, but I don't think he knew that that guy was handicapped.

02:17:39.000 I think he was trying to mock someone who was dumb, and it turned out that the person he was mocking was handicapped, and that's what everybody read with him. 0.97

02:17:47.000 I don't believe he had any knowledge of that beforehand.

02:17:49.000 I don't think he was...

02:17:50.000 I'll give you that, but even if he didn't know it, to make that gesture and act like that guy is just dumb, like as a guy running for president, it was a bully.

02:17:59.000 It was a bully-ish move, whether the guy's handicapped or not. 0.51

02:18:02.000 The girl's not handicapped.

02:18:03.000 Well, I think he thinks combative relationships like that, it's a contest.

02:18:07.000 It's a war.

02:18:08.000 And he'll go at them with his personality.

02:18:11.000 And that's what's odd for us, to see that from a president.

02:18:14.000 Right.

02:18:15.000 Yeah, there's no right.

02:18:16.000 So my daughter was just crying.

02:18:18.000 She was just crying.

02:18:19.000 She's like, so a guy that says grab your pussy is now my president. 1.00

02:18:23.000 This doesn't make sense.

02:18:25.000 This guy that says global warming is a hoax, this doesn't make sense.

02:18:29.000 Did you really say that?

02:18:30.000 Yeah.

02:18:30.000 You said global warming is a hoax?

02:18:32.000 The hoax created by the Chinese. 1.00

02:18:34.000 She really fucking said that?

02:18:35.000 Yeah.

02:18:36.000 And she's like, what the hell just happened?

02:18:40.000 I thought he was just skeptical.

02:18:42.000 I thought he was just skeptical about man-influenced global warming.

02:18:46.000 Because that's what they like to call it, right?

02:18:47.000 Influenced?

02:18:48.000 Influenced.

02:18:49.000 Yeah.

02:18:50.000 Have you ever seen, like, the ice core samples of, like, what the Earth used to be like just a few, you know, a few 10,000, 20,000 years ago?

02:18:58.000 Uh-uh.

02:18:59.000 Oh, my God.

02:19:00.000 The ice levels rise, and the sea levels rise, and, like, this is a constantly changing topography.

02:19:09.000 And, like, the natural shifts in the Earth cycle.

02:19:13.000 I'm not a climate change denier at all, ladies and gentlemen.

02:19:15.000 Let me just get this out.

02:19:16.000 Because if you talk about this, people just get angry at you.

02:19:18.000 They're trigger words.

02:19:19.000 It's not what I'm saying.

02:19:19.000 I mean, I absolutely believe that we're fucking up this planet.

02:19:22.000 That's not what I'm saying.

02:19:23.000 But without us doing that, just without us doing that, there's been a constant cycle of change.

02:19:29.000 It's a violent place.

02:19:30.000 And it's sometimes really, really radical, like giant shifts of temperature up and down.

02:19:36.000 And, you know, the big one being the Ice Age, of course, that we can measure.

02:19:40.000 Like, fairly recently, most of this country was covered by a mile to two miles high of ice.

02:19:46.000 Right.

02:19:48.000 Miles.

02:19:48.000 Yeah.

02:19:49.000 So what's your point?

02:19:50.000 My point is, this whole place is super volatile.

02:19:54.000 Right.

02:19:54.000 I mean, for him to say that global warming is a hoax, like, it's coming.

02:19:59.000 And it's coming whether you did it, I did it, if it's happening.

02:20:03.000 The concept of global warming was created by and for the Chinese in order to make U.S. manufacturing non-competitive. 1.00

02:20:09.000 November of 2012. See, he was probably one of those dudes that believed in the Mayan calendar.

02:20:14.000 So he's like, fuck it, I'm going to say some crazy shit before December 21st, 2012. It'll all be over.

02:20:21.000 It'll all be done.

02:20:22.000 That was something that people were saying back then, too.

02:20:26.000 That was a popular...

02:20:27.000 He used to say a bunch of crazy shit, though.

02:20:29.000 Remember he used to say that Obama was born in Kenya?

02:20:32.000 He was a truther, or a birther, rather.

02:20:33.000 He was THE birther. 0.55

02:20:34.000 Yeah, I mean, he would...

02:20:35.000 He was the leader of that.

02:20:37.000 He would go and do...

02:20:38.000 But see, you gotta wonder, like, how much of that is showmanship?

02:20:43.000 I don't know.

02:20:44.000 I feel like it's the Chauncey Gardner thing, you know, from when Peter Sellers became president, right?

02:20:50.000 What movie was that?

02:20:51.000 It was Being There.

02:20:54.000 Was it called being there?

02:20:55.000 And he was this gardener.

02:20:58.000 He was very simple, and people just ultimately made him president.

02:21:02.000 He just kind of wandered into the presidency.

02:21:05.000 And I feel like that with Trump.

02:21:07.000 I feel like he wandered in, and now people are like, well, are these tweets genius?

02:21:12.000 Is he trying to manipulate us?

02:21:14.000 Is he really intelligent?

02:21:16.000 Is he really this?

02:21:17.000 I think he just is what he is.

02:21:19.000 I don't think...

02:21:21.000 I would believe that.

02:21:22.000 He's very talented, very charismatic.

02:21:25.000 Rich as fuck.

02:21:26.000 Rich as fuck.

02:21:27.000 He's got a good sense of timing and stuff like that.

02:21:31.000 Balling out of control.

02:21:32.000 It's kind of this empty vessel.

02:21:33.000 Are you sure, though?

02:21:36.000 Yeah, I'm pretty sure.

02:21:37.000 I'm pretty sure when you hear him talk about different things, he doesn't really know about a lot of different things.

02:21:41.000 Don't you want to talk to him alone?

02:21:43.000 I did.

02:21:43.000 He was on the marriage riff.

02:21:45.000 Ooh.

02:21:46.000 I did.

02:21:48.000 I was right there.

02:21:49.000 He would make comments.

02:21:51.000 It was all about husbands and wives, and you would show a real husband and wife, and then you'd talk about them, and you'd try and decide who's right in the argument, the husband or the wife.

02:21:59.000 And all of his jokes were about the women's breasts.

02:22:03.000 All of his jokes were about, well, she's got these big things, so she'll be okay.

02:22:08.000 And then he would turn to me and give me a wink.

02:22:10.000 Like, not for the camera, not for anything, just me on the side.

02:22:14.000 He would just kind of wink at me like, we're doing great here, right?

02:22:16.000 I felt like, I mean, this was way before I knew anything about him running or anything.

02:22:20.000 I was just like, ooh, this guy's kind of skeeving me out.

02:22:23.000 I felt like I was date-raped on my own show.

02:22:27.000 But he walked in during that show just like, we're going to do great ratings tonight.

02:22:31.000 We're going to do great.

02:22:31.000 We're going to kill it.

02:22:32.000 We're going to do great ratings.

02:22:33.000 I mean, he was always that way.

02:22:34.000 Just mantra, the mantra, the mantra.

02:22:36.000 I think I would take it in like it was a show.

02:22:40.000 I would think I'd be psyched.

02:22:42.000 I'd be psyched to sit next to him.

02:22:43.000 Yeah, but you know how you're next to- She's got these things, you know what I'm saying?

02:22:47.000 I'd be like, this is great.

02:22:50.000 But there's, you know, you get vibes from people.

02:22:52.000 Yeah.

02:22:52.000 And the vibe was a little like, ugh.

02:22:54.000 You know what I mean?

02:22:55.000 I don't think you get to be that fucking rich without a little, ugh.

02:22:59.000 I just don't think you get there.

02:23:00.000 Yeah.

02:23:01.000 I think you stop along the way.

02:23:02.000 Like, we were talking about balance and perspective.

02:23:04.000 Yeah.

02:23:04.000 About realizing that, you know, maybe...

02:23:07.000 Maybe you should scale back a little bit.

02:23:09.000 Maybe you'll be happier.

02:23:10.000 Maybe you missed the happy spot.

02:23:12.000 Yeah.

02:23:12.000 He never thought about that for a fucking second.

02:23:14.000 I know.

02:23:15.000 He's like, fuck that.

02:23:16.000 I know.

02:23:16.000 He's like 70. He's still making deals with Argentina to put up hotels and shit.

02:23:20.000 Yeah.

02:23:21.000 There was one deal with a foreign country that was an issue because it was right after he became president.

02:23:27.000 He's trying to push this.

02:23:28.000 They congratulated him.

02:23:30.000 He's trying to push this deal through, apparently.

02:23:32.000 Why do you think he took the Taiwan crisis?

02:23:34.000 In September, they're creating a thing in Taiwan.

02:23:36.000 They want to make it like Dubai, like a hub for international Asian travel.

02:23:40.000 And they're in the mix.

02:23:42.000 They've been talking.

02:23:42.000 Dude, Trump, the word Trump is worth so much more now.

02:23:46.000 Oh my God.

02:23:46.000 That's one thing.

02:23:47.000 I mean, and that's all he wanted.

02:23:49.000 So how do you not?

02:23:50.000 Yeah.

02:23:51.000 I mean, oh, how do you?

02:23:52.000 I can't pull away now.

02:23:53.000 We've made it.

02:23:54.000 This is when we take over the planet.

02:23:57.000 We're good to go.

02:24:13.000 The will of the people, whether it's marijuana or whether it's whatever it is.

02:24:18.000 Maybe it's nonviolent drug offenders that have been in jail forever for no fucking reason.

02:24:22.000 That makes any sense to anybody now that we're...

02:24:24.000 If you take and you put someone in jail for life in 1975 for marijuana because they smoked marijuana in Las Vegas...

02:24:31.000 That a person's still in jail.

02:24:33.000 So crazy.

02:24:34.000 And you're the president now, Mr. Trump, please let them out.

02:24:37.000 Please, just, you know, let's find a way to get these people a job. 0.95

02:24:41.000 They weren't arrested because what they did was wrong.

02:24:45.000 They were arrested because there was a thing written down on a piece of paper that said it was wrong.

02:24:50.000 It's not really wrong.

02:24:51.000 Right.

02:24:51.000 There's nothing wrong with what they did.

02:24:53.000 Right.

02:24:53.000 I know.

02:24:54.000 Just because it was written on a piece of paper doesn't mean we should honor it so many years later when we would never act accordingly.

02:25:00.000 No one in this country is going to go to jail for the rest of their life because they have a joint.

02:25:04.000 But isn't it entirely possible that someone in this country has gone to jail for the rest of their life for a joint? 0.67

02:25:10.000 Absolutely.

02:25:11.000 Especially if you get inside and then all of a sudden you get in a fight in jail, which happens all the time, and someone dies and you wind up getting charged with murder.

02:25:17.000 I mean, that kind of stuff happens to people over a nonsense, Bullshit arrest.

02:25:22.000 Aren't most people in jail because of drug-related...

02:25:26.000 We just pulled it up the other day.

02:25:27.000 It was like 46% non-violent drug offenders in jail.

02:25:32.000 It's a lot.

02:25:33.000 It's insane.

02:25:33.000 But the thing is, like you say, he wants to be popular and he wants to be well-liked and all.

02:25:38.000 The thing we're going to find out is...

02:25:41.000 On what level is he looking for that approval?

02:25:44.000 Is it from the masses saying this stuff?

02:25:46.000 Or is it the guy, the last guy that came in?

02:25:49.000 Is it Sessions that comes in and says, I think that we should go this way.

02:25:54.000 And he wants to earn the respect of that guy.

02:25:57.000 We have a lot of forces coming in.

02:26:00.000 That we didn't vote for that are going to be controlling a lot because he's going to be just kind of delegating it out.

02:26:06.000 We don't really know where he stands.

02:26:07.000 That's the most scary thing is that it's kind of unknowable.

02:26:10.000 We don't know how much in control he's going to be.

02:26:13.000 Are these other people going to come in and fill that vacuum and they're going to be in control?

02:26:17.000 Well, that was the big argument against the NDAA, the National Defense Authorization Act.

02:26:24.000 Is that what the NDAA? That was the one that allowed for indefinite detainment.

02:26:28.000 You don't need a warrant.

02:26:29.000 You can just arrest people and detain them indefinitely.

02:26:33.000 They don't have to have a speedy trial.

02:26:35.000 The right to a speedy trial has been revoked.

02:26:37.000 And everybody was like, well, that's fine because Obama's not going to use that.

02:26:40.000 When then the question was like, okay, Obama might not be using it, but what happens if a new president gets into office and he's crazy?

02:26:46.000 Everyone's like, don't worry, that's not going to happen.

02:26:48.000 Well, guess what?

02:26:49.000 You fucked up.

02:26:50.000 So Donald Trump has the NDAA on his side.

02:26:54.000 He can use it now.

02:26:55.000 And add to that an incident.

02:26:57.000 Add to that some kind of...

02:26:59.000 9-11, and then he really takes advantage of it.

02:27:02.000 You never know.

02:27:03.000 You never know.

02:27:04.000 You never know.

02:27:05.000 One thing that should be taken into consideration, though, is that he's a businessman.

02:27:08.000 And one of the things about things like legalizing marijuana or going against legalized marijuana, it doesn't make sense from a business standpoint, because there's too many of us that smoke it.

02:27:20.000 Like, Jamie, put up the numbers.

02:27:23.000 Let's just take a guess here, Tom Papa.

02:27:25.000 What percentage of Americans do you think smoke marijuana?

02:27:28.000 What percentage of adult Americans smoke marijuana?

02:27:32.000 I would put it at, I'm going to put it, like smoke it on the regular?

02:27:38.000 Once a month.

02:27:39.000 More than once a month.

02:27:40.000 More than once a month.

02:27:40.000 I would say that that number is at 46%.

02:27:45.000 I bet you're right.

02:27:47.000 I was going to go in the 40s too.

02:27:48.000 I was going to say like 43. Yeah.

02:27:50.000 But I think 46 rang in my head too.

02:27:52.000 Yeah.

02:27:53.000 That's a good number.

02:27:54.000 I think you're dead on.

02:27:56.000 That's what I would guess.

02:27:57.000 It's a hard stat to find, maybe.

02:27:59.000 Gallup poll?

02:28:00.000 Gallup polls are bullshit.

02:28:01.000 But let's go with it anyway.

02:28:03.000 What does it say?

02:28:03.000 It says one in eight U.S. adults say they smoke marijuana.

02:28:06.000 How dare they?

02:28:07.000 One in eight people dumb enough to answer a fucking poll.

02:28:11.000 Sons of bitches. 1.00

02:28:13.000 I had a little bit in my act that's based on a true poll, where 46% of the people believed in the creationist account of the Earth, and that the Earth was less than 10,000 years old.

02:28:24.000 46%.

02:28:25.000 46%.

02:28:26.000 But it was a Gallup poll, so it's 46% of the people that answered the poll.

02:28:29.000 That was a little bit in my act.

02:28:30.000 Right, right.

02:28:31.000 It's like, how ridiculous.

02:28:33.000 You're not getting a good test group.

02:28:34.000 Right.

02:28:35.000 Actually answering the question.

02:28:36.000 Yeah, people are answering the phone.

02:28:38.000 Right.

02:28:39.000 And they're talking to you about some stupid ass poll?

02:28:42.000 43% said they have tried it.

02:28:44.000 Okay, so that's 43%.

02:28:45.000 If it was legal, it would be smoking pot. 0.99

02:28:47.000 Yeah, one and eight currently use it.

02:28:49.000 Except for a few pussies that couldn't handle the truth. 1.00

02:28:51.000 It's out of a thousand people.

02:28:54.000 So...

02:28:54.000 You can't handle the truth!

02:28:57.000 Yeah, it's not that many, but it's enough to put a lot of tax dollars into the economy.

02:29:02.000 It's a tremendous amount of money.

02:29:04.000 I know.

02:29:04.000 If it's really 40-whatever-the-hell-it-is percent tried it, what was the percentage that tried it once?

02:29:09.000 43. 43?

02:29:10.000 Dude, that's the number I guessed.

02:29:13.000 Crazy, man.

02:29:14.000 That's pretty good.

02:29:15.000 That's crazy.

02:29:16.000 It goes to another question.

02:29:17.000 Shut the fuck up, dude. 0.98

02:29:19.000 Why are you ruining it?

02:29:21.000 I was in.

02:29:22.000 Um...

02:29:24.000 Yeah, I don't know.

02:29:25.000 If you've got those people against you, voting-wise, that's pretty significant people.

02:29:28.000 The stoner dollar has been ignored.

02:29:30.000 Yes, but you say you make those decisions as a businessman, but...

02:29:35.000 The other people that are fighting against that are all the pharmaceutical companies, and they have a lot more money than these kids smoking pot.

02:29:42.000 Right.

02:29:42.000 So that businessman walks into his office and says, hey, this is the way it's really going to go.

02:29:48.000 This is what we really need.

02:29:49.000 Do you think that that is permanent, though?

02:29:50.000 Isn't it possible that the people acting collectively have more influence collectively, financially, than a corporation?

02:29:58.000 No!

02:29:58.000 If it's been exposed.

02:30:00.000 No!

02:30:00.000 Impossible?

02:30:01.000 Never?

02:30:02.000 It's not going to get any better because of the internet?

02:30:04.000 Yeah, maybe.

02:30:06.000 Transparency?

02:30:07.000 Right now, the corporations have a lot more power.

02:30:11.000 Right?

02:30:12.000 Right now.

02:30:13.000 But, you know, you watch, you know, Elon Musk has not been torn down yet.

02:30:19.000 They're coming at him.

02:30:20.000 Oil wants to stop him.

02:30:22.000 They want to stop him from selling his cars.

02:30:23.000 They want to do all this stuff.

02:30:24.000 But he's, the will of the people has kind of protected him, put him through.

02:30:29.000 You know Iron Man's going to be president, right?

02:30:31.000 I hope so.

02:30:33.000 I hope so.

02:30:34.000 He's the liberal's last chance.

02:30:36.000 He's my hero.

02:30:37.000 Bring it back around.

02:30:38.000 We need eggheads running this thing. 1.00

02:30:40.000 We tried assholes.

02:30:41.000 It didn't work.

02:30:42.000 It didn't work.

02:30:43.000 He's got a little mix of both, doesn't he?

02:30:44.000 Don't you want to see what happens with the Trump thing?

02:30:47.000 What if he can break down the structures?

02:30:48.000 We're going to see.

02:30:49.000 To the point.

02:30:50.000 That's my hopeful part is like, you know, we are a revolutionary people.

02:30:53.000 Let's tear some stuff down and let's not be afraid to...

02:30:56.000 Break down some walls and let's shake things up and move.

02:31:00.000 That's a little bit of a revolution.

02:31:02.000 Break this system that is broken anyway.

02:31:05.000 But let's just hope that it's safe.

02:31:08.000 Let's hope that it's not empowering the wrong people.

02:31:12.000 He's really interesting what he's been trying to say about lobbyists, too.

02:31:16.000 About how long you need to take a break after a job in government before you should be a lobbyist.

02:31:21.000 I like that.

02:31:21.000 That sounds good.

02:31:22.000 A lot of good ideas.

02:31:24.000 That's not so bad.

02:31:25.000 Who knows?

02:31:26.000 That's okay.

02:31:26.000 Let's see.

02:31:27.000 I'm rooting for him.

02:31:28.000 And then Elon Musk comes in.

02:31:29.000 I'm rooting for him.

02:31:30.000 2020, he comes in riding the wave.

02:31:33.000 Elon can't do that.

02:31:34.000 He's going to be on Mars by then.

02:31:37.000 He's getting to Mars.

02:31:38.000 They keep blowing up.

02:31:38.000 Those jets keep blowing up.

02:31:39.000 He's getting to Mars.

02:31:41.000 They blew up the satellite for the African kids. 1.00

02:31:43.000 They were going to get the internet for the African kids so they could send the dick pics through the air. 1.00

02:31:46.000 It's all right.

02:31:48.000 You got to fail.

02:31:48.000 You got to fail to succeed.

02:31:51.000 It wasn't...

02:31:52.000 The Facebook thing.

02:31:53.000 Yeah, it was Zuckerberg's satellite for internet access.

02:31:56.000 Yeah, he's got money.

02:31:59.000 Maybe.

02:31:59.000 SpaceX is doing just fine.

02:32:02.000 He's going to defund NASA, they say, and SpaceX is going to kick ass.

02:32:06.000 Glad you brought that up because he was also a victim of some fake news.

02:32:09.000 There were some fake news articles that were written about him that people actually quoted.

02:32:13.000 On Elon or Zucker?

02:32:14.000 Yes, on Elon and about how much Elon Musk made off of the government and how much of his businesses lose money.

02:32:22.000 And it was an anonymous account.

02:32:25.000 They tried to trace the name of whoever had written this article or more than one article.

02:32:30.000 And they couldn't find who the writer was.

02:32:32.000 It was a fake name.

02:32:34.000 The story didn't jive.

02:32:36.000 The numbers didn't pan out.

02:32:39.000 You need real journalists to do that stuff.

02:32:41.000 That's going to be the key.

02:32:42.000 I want to know what the story is, because I'm just talking about it.

02:32:46.000 Find out what that story is, Jamie, if you can find out the fake news story about Elon Musk.

02:32:51.000 He's the greatest.

02:32:52.000 Somebody wrote something, 96%.

02:32:57.000 Yeah.

02:32:57.000 I'm sure I know what the fuck I'm talking about here.

02:32:59.000 I'm 43% sure you do.

02:33:00.000 Wow, I'm so much less confident now.

02:33:05.000 It's like, yeah, I'll pop and know something.

02:33:08.000 You can see it in my eyes.

02:33:09.000 Just say it with authority.

02:33:10.000 Elon Musk calls out the fake news troll called him a national disgrace.

02:33:14.000 Oh yeah, yeah, it is a fake news story.

02:33:16.000 Okay, so what was it?

02:33:18.000 At least we identified fake news.

02:33:20.000 That's gotta be, right?

02:33:21.000 The contractor comes wrapped up in the package of a legitimate journalist.

02:33:24.000 Yeah, there it goes.

02:33:25.000 He's being trolled by a...

02:33:27.000 What's that word?

02:33:29.000 Chimeric.

02:33:30.000 Chimeric.

02:33:31.000 God, I don't remember what that word is.

02:33:33.000 What is that?

02:33:34.000 Which word?

02:33:35.000 Schumeric. 0.71

02:33:36.000 C-H-I Schumeric. 1.00

02:33:38.000 C-H-I-M-E-R-I-C. What does that word mean?

02:33:41.000 Where is it?

02:33:42.000 Right there.

02:33:42.000 By a Schumeric writer calling himself Shepard Stewart.

02:33:47.000 See that?

02:33:47.000 Right after the Tesla.

02:33:49.000 He's apparently being trolled by a Schumeric writer.

02:33:50.000 I don't know that word.

02:33:51.000 Google that shit, Jamie.

02:33:52.000 Google that word.

02:33:53.000 It's like Schumay, that L. Look up in dictionary.

02:33:56.000 What's that shit say?

02:33:59.000 Look it up in dictionary, bitch. 1.00

02:34:01.000 What are you doing?

02:34:03.000 Chimeric.

02:34:04.000 Hmm.

02:34:05.000 That's a cool word.

02:34:06.000 Looks like a fucking little animal.

02:34:08.000 Look at that little thing.

02:34:09.000 A little furry sucker.

02:34:11.000 Chimeric.

02:34:12.000 Chimerism or chimera is a single or...

02:34:15.000 Thanks, Jamie.

02:34:17.000 Relating to, derived from, or being a genetic chimera.

02:34:21.000 Genetic chimera.

02:34:22.000 Or its genetic material.

02:34:23.000 Okay, go back to the last one I was just reading.

02:34:26.000 So it's like a rat?

02:34:27.000 Are they saying he's rat-like?

02:34:29.000 Hmm.

02:34:30.000 Click on that one we were just reading.

02:34:32.000 Yeah, whatever the one was that you had right before that one.

02:34:37.000 Well, it's okay.

02:34:38.000 Let's just look at it right there.

02:34:40.000 Scroll down.

02:34:41.000 That little definition on top is a little bit more lengthy.

02:34:44.000 There we go.

02:34:45.000 So a single organism composed of cells from different zygotes.

02:34:48.000 Oh, okay.

02:34:49.000 So a single cell, like an amoeba.

02:34:53.000 Hmm.

02:34:54.000 Hold on.

02:34:54.000 Stop.

02:34:54.000 Go back.

02:34:56.000 This can result in male and female organs, two blood types, or subtle variations in form.

02:35:03.000 Okay, now go back to that story again.

02:35:07.000 Okay, a chimeric writer calling himself Shepard Stewart. 0.57

02:35:12.000 Trolled by this one-celled organism writer.

02:35:15.000 Yeah, so that's an insult.

02:35:17.000 I get it.

02:35:18.000 Yes.

02:35:18.000 Okay.

02:35:19.000 In the wake of the 2016 U.S. presidential election, two major issues rose to the surface.

02:35:25.000 Dissemination of information, fake news, and accusations of biased journalism.

02:35:30.000 Okay, so Elon Musk, can anyone uncover who is really writing these fake pieces?

02:35:37.000 That's cool.

02:35:38.000 Asking for the internet to help.

02:35:39.000 Yeah.

02:35:40.000 It can't be this guy.

02:35:41.000 His work is better than that.

02:35:43.000 And then they click on that article.

02:35:44.000 Click on that article and finance.

02:35:45.000 See if they took it down.

02:35:49.000 That's pretty great.

02:35:50.000 Elon Musk versus the trolls.

02:35:51.000 Oh, okay.

02:35:52.000 They switched it to this.

02:35:53.000 So it's just essentially Elon Musk calling out this guy for the fake article.

02:35:58.000 I don't think the fake article is up anymore.

02:36:00.000 He's the coolest.

02:36:03.000 But I think that's just what you can do now.

02:36:05.000 This guy who we were reading about earlier, this guy can get $10,000 a month by just making stuff up.

02:36:11.000 Just make up stories.

02:36:13.000 Somebody made up an article about me getting in a fight with a mountain lion that I killed a mountain lion at the Ice House.

02:36:18.000 Really?

02:36:19.000 Ridiculous.

02:36:19.000 My sister called me up and asked me if it was true.

02:36:22.000 Oh my god.

02:36:23.000 But they just do that all the day.

02:36:24.000 So if they do that all the day, you know, Jodie Foster visited by real aliens.

02:36:28.000 If they do that, you know, and then you have her sitting there talking about it, like... 0.82

02:36:32.000 Something sticks.

02:36:33.000 If you're a dumbass, you're going to send that to your friend?

02:36:35.000 Yeah.

02:36:36.000 Dude, Jodie Foster is fucking coming out, man. 1.00

02:36:38.000 Finally, the agenda's being known.

02:36:40.000 The aliens are real.

02:36:41.000 They're here, bro!

02:36:42.000 I knew it!

02:36:42.000 Yeah, and you just keep putting them out.

02:36:44.000 One of them's going to stick, right?

02:36:45.000 I feel it in my head, bro.

02:36:47.000 Oh, another definition.

02:36:49.000 Unreal, imaginary, visionary.

02:36:51.000 A chimerical, terrestrial paradise.

02:36:53.000 Hmm.

02:36:54.000 Wildly, fanciful, highly unrealistic.

02:36:57.000 Oh, Jodie Foster.

02:36:58.000 A chimerical plan.

02:36:59.000 Interesting.

02:37:00.000 Unreal, imaginary, or visionary.

02:37:02.000 So it was an imaginary writer, according to Elon Musk.

02:37:06.000 Well, it sounds like a real writer with an imaginary name.

02:37:09.000 So it's just a pseudonym, essentially.

02:37:11.000 A pseudonym.

02:37:12.000 We don't know who the fucking person is.

02:37:14.000 A pseudonym.

02:37:16.000 I wonder if businesses hire people to do things like that to discredit them.

02:37:21.000 Yeah.

02:37:22.000 You know, like if you're Ford and the Chevy guys are just getting a little too fucking cocky and there was some dude like Henry Ford type character over at Chevy.

02:37:30.000 Yeah.

02:37:31.000 Like some magnanimous, gigantic, larger-than-life figure and you start writing some fake shit about him pawning money off the government and eating pizza at this place where they have pedophilia artwork.

02:37:40.000 In the old days they called it yellow journalism.

02:37:43.000 Mm-hmm.

02:37:43.000 The Hearst newspapers, they'd plant fake stories in the papers, and people would think that they were true, and you'd try and take down titans of business that you were competing against and all the rest of it.

02:37:54.000 It's always existed.

02:37:56.000 Well, you know, that's what William Randolph Hearst did against marijuana. 0.52

02:38:00.000 Oh.

02:38:01.000 That's how marijuana became illegal.

02:38:02.000 Really?

02:38:03.000 You didn't know?

02:38:04.000 No, I did not.

02:38:05.000 Dude, you don't know the full stoner Bible story?

02:38:07.000 No.

02:38:07.000 It's the biblical creation story of the stoner myth.

02:38:10.000 Really?

02:38:10.000 Yeah, this is what it is.

02:38:11.000 What year?

02:38:12.000 That would have been...

02:38:12.000 1930s, right after alcohol prohibition, what happened was they came out with a machine called a decorticator.

02:38:21.000 And the decorticator allows them to process hemp fiber more easily.

02:38:25.000 With this machine, it cranks it through.

02:38:27.000 Because hemp is this spectacular fiber.

02:38:29.000 Yeah.

02:38:29.000 Like a buddy of mine had a hemp stalk over his house, my friend.

02:38:32.000 I'm Todd McCormick, and he's like, pick it up, man.

02:38:34.000 And I picked it up.

02:38:35.000 I was like, whoa, it's light, like balsa wood, but hard, like a mahogany.

02:38:39.000 Oh, wow.

02:38:40.000 It's weird.

02:38:40.000 Yeah.

02:38:41.000 It's a very, very strange plant.

02:38:43.000 Like bamboo, kind of?

02:38:43.000 No.

02:38:44.000 No, no, no, because bamboo's hollow.

02:38:46.000 It makes sense that it's light.

02:38:47.000 This is like a...

02:38:48.000 It was like a stalk, like a wrist side, like my wrist stalk.

02:38:52.000 Gotcha, right.

02:38:52.000 That's bamboo.

02:38:53.000 Right.

02:38:53.000 Or that's the hemp plant.

02:38:55.000 Yeah, you can get it and there's different forms of it.

02:38:59.000 See that one in the upper right hand corner like that?

02:39:01.000 So this was solid.

02:39:02.000 That's what he had.

02:39:03.000 He had it like that.

02:39:05.000 So you would pick it up and it'd be super light, but ridiculously hard.

02:39:09.000 He's like, dude, it's alien.

02:39:11.000 It's an alien planet.

02:39:13.000 Todd's very, very smart.

02:39:14.000 He's written books on growing marijuana.

02:39:16.000 He was one of the first guys to ever get arrested for growing medical marijuana.

02:39:21.000 And then when he went to court, he found out he was not even allowed to use the term medical.

02:39:26.000 So you're not allowed to say it because they don't believe in it federally.

02:39:29.000 So even though it was legal in California, what they did was they prosecuted him with federal laws, which don't allow for even the phrase medical marijuana.

02:39:38.000 He wasn't even allowed, because it was a federal trial, he wasn't even allowed to mention that it was legal in California.

02:39:44.000 So the people who were in the jury, they get this totally skewed perspective of what happened.

02:39:51.000 Yeah.

02:39:52.000 And you have to vote on it, you know, as a juror.

02:39:55.000 You have to decide based on the law.

02:39:57.000 And the law is federally, it is illegal.

02:39:59.000 There's no such thing as medical marijuana, so you can't even bring it up.

02:40:02.000 And if you brought it up, it's like contempt of court.

02:40:04.000 And Hearst started all this?

02:40:06.000 He started it.

02:40:07.000 And what happened was, when they came out with a decorticator, William Randolph Hearst owned paper mills, and he also owned these forests of trees that they would convert into paper.

02:40:16.000 He made his own newspaper and printed on that paper.

02:40:20.000 And then Popular Science magazine had a cover that said hemp, the new billion dollar crop.

02:40:26.000 And it was all about the invention of the decorticator and how now they'd be able to effectively process this hemp.

02:40:32.000 Because they used hemp forever because they didn't have a cotton gin. 0.89

02:40:37.000 Then when they came out with the cotton gin, a lot of people shifted over to cotton, especially at the end of slavery, because it wasn't really financially sound until they spent all that time processing all that fiber to get cannabis.

02:40:53.000 When you could just get it out of cotton, it would be way easier now with this cotton gin. 0.53

02:40:59.000 So that changed the game, and then the decorticator changed the game again.

02:41:03.000 And that's when William Randolph first came in.

02:41:05.000 And they started writing all these stories about, well, telling people to write stories, I'm sure.

02:41:09.000 Telling people to write stories about this new drug called marijuana.

02:41:12.000 It's forcing blacks and Mexicans to have sex with white women and rape white women. 1.00

02:41:17.000 And marijuana wasn't even a name for cannabis.

02:41:23.000 The word was a wild Mexican tobacco.

02:41:26.000 That's what marijuana originally was.

02:41:29.000 Oh, really?

02:41:29.000 So when you called it marijuana, if you talked to Mexicans about it, they'd be like, what the fuck?

02:41:34.000 Back then, they'd be like, what the fuck are you talking about?

02:41:36.000 That shit.

02:41:37.000 That wild tobacco type shit.

02:41:39.000 Wow.

02:41:39.000 They called it marijuana because cannabis was something that everybody had used.

02:41:43.000 They used it for textile.

02:41:44.000 They used it for oil.

02:41:46.000 There were so many people that were using it already for clothes, canvases.

02:41:50.000 Canvases based on the word cannabis.

02:41:52.000 Jeez.

02:41:53.000 They used it for cloth.

02:41:54.000 It's a crazy cloth, man.

02:41:56.000 And it worked.

02:41:56.000 It's really hard to break.

02:41:58.000 If you get a hold of...

02:41:59.000 I have a gi.

02:42:01.000 Datsusara made me a jujitsu gi made out of hemp.

02:42:04.000 They sell these hemp gis.

02:42:06.000 These fucking things are indestructible, man.

02:42:09.000 Yeah, there's something about...

02:42:10.000 When you take hemp and you turn it into a fiber or into a cloth or into a paper, it's crazy how durable it is.

02:42:19.000 So then he got laws passed to criminalize it?

02:42:22.000 Exactly.

02:42:22.000 And do all that?

02:42:23.000 Yeah, you had to have a tax stamp to grow it for hemp and it became increasingly more and more difficult.

02:42:29.000 So they were never able to separate it as a drug and a thing?

02:42:32.000 No, because it's too close.

02:42:33.000 It's too closely related genetically.

02:42:36.000 It's basically...

02:42:37.000 There's different strains of it.

02:42:40.000 They grow it where it's specifically not psychoactive.

02:42:43.000 But all the male plants are not psychoactive.

02:42:47.000 It's only the female plants that have the flowers. 1.00

02:42:49.000 And you can contaminate female plants. 0.99

02:42:52.000 There's some sort of a process that they have to do when they're growing them.

02:42:56.000 To keep them from changing each other sexually.

02:42:58.000 Either pollinate each other.

02:42:59.000 Yeah.

02:43:00.000 If you have too many males with females, they can actually fuck up the females. 0.97

02:43:04.000 Right.

02:43:04.000 It's really kind of crazy.

02:43:06.000 Right.

02:43:06.000 But that's the only stuff...

02:43:08.000 So I guess the issue would be you would have somebody that was pretending they weren't growing the psychoactive stuff and that they were only growing...

02:43:16.000 But they were also selling it as a drug.

02:43:18.000 And then you would have an issue there legally.

02:43:20.000 Right.

02:43:20.000 Well, I mean...

02:43:21.000 You know, when you find out, like, Hearst putting out those stories, you know, to get his way, and then, you know, Big Tobacco was putting...

02:43:28.000 All these documentaries come out, like, 30 years later of all these stories.

02:43:32.000 This guy was hired...

02:43:33.000 It was the one where this small group of scientists were like, oh, it was from the tobacco.

02:43:40.000 They were putting out stories about that tobacco's good for you and all this kind of stuff, and they're going to take away from you.

02:43:45.000 And then they...

02:43:47.000 That all dried up and now they're on climate change.

02:43:50.000 Yes.

02:43:51.000 Now those same guys, those same organizations are putting out fake news and being talking heads against global warming.

02:43:58.000 It's a documentary.

02:44:00.000 There's a documentary on it.

02:44:00.000 What's called Ministers of Doubt?

02:44:02.000 Is that it?

02:44:02.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

02:44:03.000 I believe that's it.

02:44:04.000 Yes.

02:44:04.000 I think it's called Ministers of Doubt.

02:44:05.000 I mean, so sure.

02:44:06.000 Yeah, this fakeness has been happening forever.

02:44:10.000 Forever.

02:44:10.000 And driven by...

02:44:12.000 Money.

02:44:13.000 If you have a lot of people that have a lot of money.

02:44:15.000 That's why if someone becomes president and then wins the president-elect like Trump and then tweets something that's not true about him losing the popular vote because millions of people voted illegally, when you say stuff like that,

02:44:31.000 That's why people get scared and nervous, because there's a long history of people who have what you're going to have.

02:44:37.000 Donald Trump is going to have ultimate power.

02:44:40.000 He's going to have that position, the position of ultimate power.

02:44:43.000 But with that comes just a massive, massive responsibility.

02:44:47.000 So for him to continue to do stuff like that, which is like a strategic fib, he's got to kind of let all that go.

02:44:54.000 Just like he said he was going to let all of his businesses go, he's going to let his family run his businesses, he's going to completely step away.

02:45:01.000 Urge him.

02:45:02.000 Let all that other stuff go, too.

02:45:05.000 Try to rise to this crazy position.

02:45:08.000 I know.

02:45:09.000 Is he one of 40?

02:45:10.000 How many people have been president now?

02:45:12.000 What is he?

02:45:13.000 46th?

02:45:13.000 46th.

02:45:14.000 46th?

02:45:15.000 Yep.

02:45:16.000 45th or 46th?

02:45:18.000 Merchants of Doubt, not ministers.

02:45:20.000 Oh, Merchants of Doubt.

02:45:21.000 Thank you.

02:45:22.000 Merchants of Doubt. 0.96

02:45:22.000 It was a great documentary. 0.96

02:45:24.000 So when he tweets about Alec Baldwin again on Saturday night...

02:45:27.000 What does he say?

02:45:28.000 He said, tried to watch SNL again.

02:45:31.000 So not funny.

02:45:32.000 Total fail.

02:45:34.000 Totally biased.

02:45:35.000 Fail.

02:45:36.000 Come on, man.

02:45:37.000 He's got to realize it's funny.

02:45:39.000 It's funny, man.

02:45:41.000 Is he doing that because he doesn't want people to talk about Taiwan?

02:45:44.000 This is the funny discussion.

02:45:45.000 It's like, is he brilliant or is he just crazy?

02:45:48.000 That's really what we're dealing with.

02:45:49.000 Is he so savvy that he wants everybody not to pay attention to the Taiwan phone call and changing decades of how we treat Taiwan?

02:45:57.000 Or is that why he tweeted to divert us?

02:45:59.000 Or is he just, Taiwan was one call and this tweet is another thing?

02:46:03.000 Yeah, I think it's that.

02:46:04.000 The Taiwan thing, he'd just avoid it, just not talk about it.

02:46:07.000 Like, what is he doing?

02:46:08.000 What did he do with Taiwan?

02:46:09.000 He contacted Taiwan.

02:46:11.000 He says, and he tweets his defenses, they called me.

02:46:17.000 What's the problem?

02:46:19.000 The policy for 40 years is that you're dealing with one China and Taiwan I think? 0.56

02:46:48.000 I think?

02:46:57.000 And in one phone call, this is talking about power, receiving one phone call shook that whole part of the globe.

02:47:04.000 Let me just first of all start off with China sounds like a dicky friend. 1.00

02:47:08.000 A dicky friend that wants to control you and won't let you talk to other people.

02:47:11.000 So you wanted to make friends with this new guy and the new guy wants to make friends with you.

02:47:15.000 And China's like, no, fuck that. 0.98

02:47:17.000 No, you don't even get to talk to them.

02:47:19.000 That part is pretty valid.

02:47:21.000 That's everything.

02:47:22.000 To me, that's everything.

02:47:24.000 Unless there's something Taiwan's doing where we're not supposed to talk to them, like North Korea, like if all of a sudden he started chatting with North Korea and started selling taco bowls over there.

02:47:35.000 What does this say here, Jamie?

02:47:37.000 This is from the Washington Post about the call.

02:47:39.000 It says, the message, as John Bolton correctly puts it, was that the President of the United States will talk to whomever he wants if he thinks it's in the interest of the United States, and nobody in Beijing gets to dictate who we talk to.

02:47:57.000 Well, that seems to make sense to me.

02:48:00.000 Are we going to not talk to people?

02:48:02.000 Because if we do, China gets mad. 0.65

02:48:03.000 That sounds like a shitbag relationship.

02:48:05.000 It's similar to Obama talking to Iran.

02:48:08.000 I've had friends like that, where they go, like, you can't talk to that person.

02:48:11.000 Look, if you have an enemy, I'm not going to, like, cozy up to someone that's your enemy.

02:48:16.000 But if you don't like somebody, it doesn't necessarily mean that I don't like them.

02:48:19.000 Right.

02:48:20.000 Just because I like you, I don't have to like everybody you like.

02:48:23.000 That's fucking crazy.

02:48:25.000 Yeah.

02:48:25.000 That's crazy.

02:48:26.000 Yeah.

02:48:27.000 No, I mean, Obama talking to Iran, it's like, well, how is this ever going to get better unless our leaders talk to their leaders?

02:48:36.000 Exactly.

02:48:36.000 You're never going to get anywhere.

02:48:38.000 Exactly.

02:48:38.000 But if China tells you you can't talk to them, I'm like, why?

02:48:40.000 Right.

02:48:41.000 Right.

02:48:41.000 Says who?

02:48:42.000 But here, the thing with the phone call is we don't know, did he just pick it up and not, is he, was he totally unaware of our relationship with them?

02:48:50.000 It said he was brief before that phone call.

02:48:52.000 They said, hey bro, I heard you were talking to Mike, man.

02:48:56.000 I thought we were clear.

02:48:56.000 You don't talk to Mike, man.

02:48:58.000 Mike's a piece of shit.

02:48:59.000 He just want, dude, he called me.

02:49:02.000 No, no, no, Mike's a piece of shit.

02:49:03.000 Fuck him and his whole yard.

02:49:04.000 I don't know.

02:49:05.000 He seems like alright.

02:49:06.000 I mean, he just called me.

02:49:06.000 Fuck his yard.

02:49:07.000 You can't go over to his yard.

02:49:08.000 I don't want you to do business.

02:49:10.000 I just...

02:49:10.000 He's not that bad.

02:49:12.000 Fuck Mike.

02:49:13.000 He said some good things about you.

02:49:14.000 Oh, I'm done.

02:49:15.000 I'm done with you.

02:49:16.000 We're going to war. 0.85

02:49:18.000 China sounds like the biggest asshole. 1.00

02:49:20.000 Can you imagine what a fucking catty cat... 0.92

02:49:23.000 Like, teenager, China sounds like. 0.71

02:49:26.000 I can't even talk to them.

02:49:27.000 If I talk to them, we're going to war.

02:49:29.000 Are we going to war?

02:49:30.000 Are you serious?

02:49:31.000 We're going to war over this.

02:49:32.000 I will totally go to war over this.

02:49:35.000 Financial war.

02:49:36.000 They just call the lawyer, start suing you.

02:49:38.000 What?

02:49:39.000 Why are you suing me, man?

02:49:40.000 I don't understand the whole Asia aspect of global policy at all.

02:49:48.000 Well, let me tell you this.

02:49:49.000 I don't.

02:49:50.000 The UFC, this is what I understand about some Asian businesses, or at least Japanese businesses.

02:49:56.000 The UFC bought this company called Pride, and boy, did they get hoodwinked.

02:50:01.000 Oh, my goodness.

02:50:02.000 The way they did it was wonderful.

02:50:04.000 First of all, the Japanese have this masterful way of negotiating business, where they talk to you about, like, maybe we'll do business. 0.98

02:50:13.000 We're thinking about doing business.

02:50:14.000 Not today.

02:50:16.000 Maybe we'll come back and discuss this at a later date.

02:50:19.000 And then they would come back.

02:50:20.000 Well, we're really thinking about selling this business.

02:50:22.000 And then the UFC and Pride started trading fighters.

02:50:25.000 They did like a goodwill gesture.

02:50:28.000 So what this did was elevate the brand of Pride and make Pride even bigger in the United States like they had in Italy.

02:50:35.000 Silva come over and he faced off with Chuck Liddell and Chuck Liddell went over there to fight people and they had all this negotiating stuff going on for a long time.

02:50:43.000 And then finally the UFC comes in and buys them out.

02:50:45.000 This big historic thing, take photos, shaking hands.

02:50:49.000 Turns out they bought nothing.

02:50:51.000 What they bought was essentially like a library of fights.

02:50:57.000 Because all the contracts that the fighters had, they were all bad.

02:51:00.000 They were all illegal.

02:51:01.000 All invalid.

02:51:02.000 They had like a couple of contracts.

02:51:04.000 Some guys that they had to take over and like, oh Jesus Christ.

02:51:07.000 Like it was just chaos.

02:51:08.000 And as far as like, they were going to like run that business over there where they got over there and they're like, oh my God, we can't run this.

02:51:14.000 Like you can't run it without the Yakuza, the people that were all like, you have to have the like the consent of the Japanese mom to run the country, the company over there. 0.99

02:51:22.000 Chinese?

02:51:23.000 No, Japanese. 1.00

02:51:24.000 That was one of the things that sunk the organization when it was publicly released, allegedly, allegedly, that the Yakuza was involved.

02:51:31.000 Everybody was like, ah!

02:51:33.000 But they went over there, they bought this, they got this library, and then while they had these UFC employees, the employees all started a new business called Dream.

02:51:42.000 And they just fucking started up with a whole new thing.

02:51:45.000 Instead of nowhere.

02:51:45.000 So they bought Pride, and Pride's dead.

02:51:48.000 And the same Japanese people are like, no, we have Dream. 1.00

02:51:51.000 And they're like, but hey, you guys were working for us.

02:51:54.000 Where's our show?

02:51:55.000 What the fuck is this?

02:51:57.000 It's like they bought air.

02:52:00.000 You know, maybe we are all unknowable to each other, and this is part of why Brexit went down, this is part of why Trump won, this is why Italy, their prime minister's now leaving.

02:52:11.000 Populist vote, yeah.

02:52:12.000 Everyone's being told we've got to deal with the whole world, globalization, we've got to deal with everybody, and everyone's starting to say, you know, it's not really helping us.

02:52:21.000 Do we have to talk to the Chinese?

02:52:24.000 Do we have to deal with everybody?

02:52:26.000 Or do we have to all be one Europe?

02:52:29.000 Everybody is starting to kind of retreat.

02:52:31.000 Maybe globalization as an idea on the paper seems like it'll work, but practically, it's not taking hold.

02:52:39.000 We're all going to communicate through Tesla hive mind, because in the future, everyone's going to have to have an electric car, and Tesla's going to be the first to figure out that the best way to pilot your car is actually with a headset.

02:52:49.000 So you're going to put on a headset, very light, and those electrodes, they'll all be Bluetooth to your car, and that thing will operate by your mind.

02:52:57.000 But the best way...

02:52:58.000 For you to do that is you've got to be on Google Hive Minds Network.

02:53:03.000 So then you download the thoughts or you project the thoughts through the headgear as pure intention.

02:53:10.000 So everybody knows where everybody's going as they're driving because you can see pure intention from a mile away.

02:53:15.000 And that becomes the universal language of human beings when they realize the flaws of English and Spanish and Chinese and Dutch and Japanese and Korean and no one can understand what the fuck they were talking about. 0.92

02:53:25.000 But through Google Hive Mind, this headset connected to the Tesla as it drives around.

02:53:30.000 Is this in the next update, or is this a ways away?

02:53:33.000 It's in one more hit of that.

02:53:34.000 Take another hit of that, and you'll have some good ideas.

02:53:38.000 One more hit of the...

02:53:39.000 I don't even know what the name...

02:53:40.000 I don't even ask names of pot anymore.

02:53:41.000 It's all ridiculous.

02:53:43.000 Yeah, I was pretty blown away.

02:53:44.000 I really felt like an old man in a pot shop.

02:53:47.000 Like, so wait, she was like, this is King Kong or something.

02:53:52.000 And I was like, oh, everybody knows this name.

02:53:55.000 I didn't realize.

02:53:56.000 I thought this was your own little brand.

02:53:58.000 I was so lost.

02:54:00.000 They wouldn't let my mom in a pot shop in Denver. 1.00

02:54:03.000 Why?

02:54:03.000 She never ID? She never ID. Good for them.

02:54:05.000 You have to have laws.

02:54:07.000 Yeah, I think she's legal, folks.

02:54:10.000 I mean, it's flattering and everything.

02:54:12.000 I'm sure she was happy.

02:54:14.000 Yeah.

02:54:15.000 I think they have to mark down who you are.

02:54:18.000 They didn't.

02:54:19.000 They didn't?

02:54:20.000 No, they just looked at it.

02:54:21.000 They probably took pictures of your shit, bro.

02:54:21.000 You don't even know, bro.

02:54:23.000 Oh, maybe, bro.

02:54:27.000 Bro, you're right.

02:54:28.000 Tom Papa.

02:54:30.000 We just did three hours, man.

02:54:32.000 We did already?

02:54:33.000 Yeah.

02:54:33.000 No.

02:54:34.000 Yep.

02:54:34.000 This is a time warp.

02:54:35.000 This is part of the hive mentality.

02:54:37.000 That's what I'm saying.

02:54:38.000 This is weirdness in this place.

02:54:39.000 That's what happens.

02:54:40.000 It's weird.

02:54:41.000 It is.

02:54:41.000 I'm worried that if we move studios, we'll lose that magic of three hours just disappearing.

02:54:45.000 When are you moving?

02:54:46.000 I don't know, bro.

02:54:48.000 Bruh.

02:54:48.000 We're working on it, bro.

02:54:49.000 Bruh, move to Sherman Oaks.

02:54:51.000 Thinking about it, bro.

02:54:52.000 Go to Sherman Oaks, bruh.

02:54:53.000 I'm thinking about it now, and I'm thinking no.

02:54:56.000 Come on, there's lots of good space in Sherman Oaks, right?

02:54:59.000 Friday night, Tom Papa on Epyx.

02:55:02.000 What time?

02:55:03.000 The new specials, 8 o'clock, I think.

02:55:06.000 And Epyx isn't like on DirecTV, but everybody can get Epyx for free for the month.

02:55:13.000 You can watch on your phone or your laptop or whatever.

02:55:15.000 Oh, okay.

02:55:15.000 So just go to Epyx.com and you'll be able to check it out.

02:55:17.000 Oh, so your special, and then there's a lot of other specials, too, that are on Epyx.

02:55:21.000 Jim Norton, I know, Maren has a special.

02:55:24.000 Yeah.

02:55:24.000 All those are available as well online.

02:55:26.000 You can check them out on the website.

02:55:28.000 Yeah, for sure.

02:55:29.000 And then it goes to iTunes next week.

02:55:32.000 Well, I can't wait to check it out, brother.

02:55:34.000 I appreciate it.

02:55:34.000 Thanks a lot.

02:55:35.000 Thanks for having me in.

02:55:36.000 Tom, motherfucking papa, ladies and gentlemen.

02:55:38.000 Instagram, Twitter, Facebook.

02:55:41.000 Bakery near you.

02:55:42.000 Check yourself before you wreck yourself.

02:55:44.000 Inside joke.

02:55:45.000 All right, folks.

02:55:46.000 Thank you.

02:55:46.000 See you tomorrow.

02:55:47.000 Bye.

02:55:47.000 Kevin Smith tomorrow.

02:55:49.000 That's a good one.

The Joe Rogan Experience - December 05, 2016

Joe Rogan Experience #882 - Tom Papa

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