The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #885 - Tom Segura

00:00:06.000 Oh shit, Tommy Buns, we're live. 1.00

00:00:08.000 Yo, dawg. 1.00

00:00:09.000 What's up, brother?

00:00:10.000 What's up, man?

00:00:12.000 We already did a podcast.

00:00:13.000 We totally did.

00:00:14.000 Yeah, we just went off.

00:00:15.000 We started going off about everything.

00:00:17.000 I was really lost in it, too.

00:00:19.000 Me, too.

00:00:20.000 Well...

00:00:20.000 Excuse me, folks.

00:00:23.000 We're slightly intoxicated.

00:00:25.000 Yeah.

00:00:25.000 That's what happens.

00:00:27.000 DJ Dadmouth.

00:00:28.000 You know what I'm saying?

00:00:29.000 Have you done any variations to DJ Dadmouth now?

00:00:32.000 Have you gotten bored with it?

00:00:33.000 Well, I'm totally bored with it.

00:00:34.000 I just stopped doing it.

00:00:36.000 You decided to stop?

00:00:37.000 Well, I just haven't actually done that much morning TV shows lately.

00:00:41.000 So there was a bunch of those in a row.

00:00:43.000 How's that? 0.97

00:00:45.000 Goddammit, folks. 0.93

00:00:46.000 I'm sorry.

00:00:46.000 I didn't even drink the buttered coffee.

00:00:49.000 Did you decide to just stop doing those things?

00:00:52.000 No, I mean, if I was doing morning press tomorrow and I just wanted to do something to entertain myself, I would just do it again.

00:01:02.000 I met a lot of really nice people on morning TV. Yeah.

00:01:06.000 But it's the most restrictive venue.

00:01:08.000 It's a bad idea.

00:01:10.000 From the thing is here, comedy clubs are just thinking, we've got to let as many people know about you to sell tickets.

00:01:18.000 There's a certain point when you're a certain type of comic, basically, where you're like...

00:01:24.000 My audience is not going to find me there.

00:01:27.000 People aren't going to come because of...

00:01:28.000 I just feel like it's a waste of time with certain comics to do Good Morning Toledo, you know?

00:01:33.000 Yeah, like what percentage of the people that are watching Good Morning Toledo would like your act?

00:01:37.000 Yeah, it's real low.

00:01:39.000 It's not high.

00:01:42.000 You know what I mean?

00:01:42.000 So you go...

00:01:43.000 Are you sure though?

00:01:44.000 Like who watches those?

00:01:45.000 Who watches those morning shows?

00:01:46.000 If you had a guess.

00:01:47.000 If I had a guess, mostly yeah.

00:01:47.000 Housewives?

00:01:48.000 I would say mostly.

00:01:49.000 Mostly Housewives. 1.00

00:01:50.000 Yeah.

00:01:51.000 With their children, young children.

00:01:53.000 And then the guy's like, I'm going to show you how to make chicken that really isn't here when we come back.

00:01:59.000 What about retired people?

00:02:01.000 Would that be on the demographic?

00:02:03.000 Probably.

00:02:03.000 Yeah.

00:02:03.000 And then you know what you don't see a lot of at my shows?

00:02:06.000 Like moms, state-owned mom or whatever, and retired people.

00:02:10.000 Yeah.

00:02:12.000 They're not at the show.

00:02:12.000 Yeah.

00:02:13.000 It's a totally different art form, folks.

00:02:16.000 Yeah.

00:02:16.000 Yeah, they don't really cross over that much.

00:02:18.000 But they don't think of that.

00:02:19.000 They do the blast.

00:02:20.000 Some people are good at it, though.

00:02:21.000 Yeah.

00:02:22.000 No, some are good.

00:02:23.000 Did you ever see Tracy Morgan when he pulled his shirt off and started hitting his stomach and he was saying that someone was getting pregnant?

00:02:30.000 That's probably the best good morning anything of all time.

00:02:34.000 And he was in Chicago, and I think he ends it with, he goes, Horace Grant, holler!

00:02:42.000 Which is, you know, the old power forward for the Chicago Bulls. 0.98

00:02:46.000 That was such a great fucking improv line right then. 0.98

00:02:49.000 Oh, that's hilarious. 0.99

00:02:50.000 That was like the button on the whole thing where you're like, Jesus, he just shouted out Horace Grant.

00:02:56.000 And he told him to holler.

00:02:59.000 It's so funny.

00:03:00.000 It's the best one. 0.99

00:03:01.000 Tracy Morgan's fucking hilarious. 1.00

00:03:04.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:03:05.000 He was slapping his belly.

00:03:07.000 And he was saying someone was getting pregnant.

00:03:10.000 It's absurd.

00:03:12.000 This is a making call. 1.00

00:03:14.000 So people are going to pay to see your show and they'll just see you smacking on your butt. 1.00

00:03:17.000 I'm taking all the power back. 0.99

00:03:18.000 Wait a minute.

00:03:20.000 We've got a picture that we're so upset.

00:03:22.000 I've got to take the power back.

00:03:24.000 Put it back on.

00:03:25.000 Uh-oh, we just lost your microphone.

00:03:27.000 Oh, he's taking his shirt off.

00:03:30.000 You might wanna put the microphone...

00:03:32.000 This is Texas!

00:03:34.000 Come on, don't go to break!

00:03:35.000 This is Texas!

00:03:45.000 This is just a sample of what people can expect.

00:03:48.000 More dancing, more shirtless action.

00:03:50.000 Love!

00:03:51.000 It's all love!

00:03:52.000 I'm Captain James T. Kirk!

00:03:54.000 I went to Vietnam!

00:03:57.000 Tracy, one of your favorite characters you do.

00:03:59.000 I gotta get them wheelchair gloves.

00:04:02.000 You want the black leather one with the fingers cut off?

00:04:04.000 I'm gonna stop asking you.

00:04:06.000 Do a little bit of Spoonie Love.

00:04:07.000 Can you do that for me?

00:04:08.000 This is the character you do on Crank Yankers.

00:04:10.000 That's terrible.

00:04:11.000 That guy's terrible.

00:04:12.000 You might want to hold that up.

00:04:13.000 Let me see.

00:04:14.000 Spoonie Love was, um, shame on...

00:04:16.000 No, I can't do Spoonie.

00:04:17.000 Spoonie was graphic.

00:04:18.000 Yeah, you're right.

00:04:19.000 I get his children watching.

00:04:21.000 But I did get his leg blown off in Vienna.

00:04:24.000 Well, clearly you have no problem taking your shirt off, so that's okay.

00:04:28.000 That's love.

00:04:29.000 That's sexism. 1.00

00:04:30.000 You know I'm a sex symbol. 0.99

00:04:32.000 Pretending he got his leg blown off. 1.00

00:04:33.000 Sex symbol. 1.00

00:04:34.000 Yeah, that's nice.

00:04:35.000 Come see me.

00:04:37.000 I'm at the comic script.

00:04:38.000 Not the comic script, but the comic script.

00:04:42.000 Tracy Morgan will perform this weekend.

00:04:44.000 I love you.

00:04:45.000 I love you, Ted.

00:04:46.000 I love you, Ted.

00:04:47.000 Tickets still available, folks.

00:04:49.000 You know, who knows what's going to happen.

00:04:51.000 Dude, you know what I love?

00:04:52.000 Oh my god, this is funny.

00:04:54.000 Couldn't people hear that on YouTube?

00:04:56.000 Okay.

00:04:57.000 That the Horace Grant reference in that Chicago one is such the funniest choice.

00:05:05.000 It's such a little detail.

00:05:06.000 Like that was so funny that he went like, I need fingerless wheelchair clothes. 0.99

00:05:10.000 He's already thinking this is what it's like to sit in a wheelchair.

00:05:14.000 But I love when the shout out, like it was in Chicago.

00:05:19.000 So you're thinking Bulls.

00:05:20.000 Anybody could have said, shout out to Michael Jordan, right?

00:05:24.000 Or second most famous, Scottie Pippen.

00:05:26.000 And it's still funny.

00:05:27.000 But like the reference to almost like, it was like an inside Bulls reference.

00:05:34.000 You know, it's like so specific to, you have, it's like the perfect third on the list name to shout out.

00:05:40.000 And plus the name sounds better.

00:05:42.000 Horace Grant is just a better name to yell.

00:05:45.000 You know, the name Horace.

00:05:48.000 Horace Grant!

00:05:50.000 Holla! 1.00

00:05:52.000 And then the newscasters are like, alright, see you later.

00:05:56.000 They don't know what to do.

00:05:57.000 It's so funny, though.

00:05:58.000 Yeah, that guy was trying to get him to do impressions while he was in the middle of this awesome rant.

00:06:01.000 That wasn't Chicago, by the way.

00:06:03.000 Where was that?

00:06:03.000 That was Texas.

00:06:05.000 Why was that guy trying to get him to do impressions while he was in the middle of that amazing rant?

00:06:09.000 He didn't know what to do.

00:06:10.000 Do you think the people were in his ear?

00:06:12.000 Were they telling him?

00:06:13.000 They're like, yeah, probably.

00:06:14.000 Watch him.

00:06:14.000 Watch out.

00:06:15.000 Get him to change it.

00:06:16.000 Change the subject.

00:06:17.000 Do they put something in his ear, do you think?

00:06:19.000 Do those guys have earpieces?

00:06:20.000 Yes, usually.

00:06:21.000 Most of the time, yes.

00:06:22.000 Earpieces are weird, man.

00:06:24.000 When someone's talking in your ear and you're talking, it is one of the most distracting things.

00:06:29.000 It's very difficult to hear someone talk and then still maintain.

00:06:34.000 You guys do that in the fights.

00:06:35.000 Very rarely.

00:06:36.000 They're so good at it.

00:06:37.000 But when you pop it in, they never talk?

00:06:39.000 They never talk over me.

00:06:40.000 I mean, they're so good.

00:06:43.000 Is that earpiece feeding you anything, though?

00:06:45.000 Yeah.

00:06:46.000 The producers, we can talk.

00:06:50.000 We can ask them about a specific replay.

00:06:52.000 Like, show me that again.

00:06:53.000 Can you show me that for an overhead?

00:06:54.000 I want to see where that landed.

00:06:56.000 Yeah.

00:06:57.000 Or things along those lines.

00:06:59.000 And sometimes Mark Delagrate and I will have conversations.

00:07:03.000 Yeah.

00:07:04.000 Like, I'll ask him, like, is this a good thing, a good piece of advice that someone's given?

00:07:09.000 Do you agree with that?

00:07:10.000 And he and I will have discussions about, like, whether we agree with certain tactics.

00:07:14.000 Sure.

00:07:14.000 Which is an interesting discussion, because Mark is, like, a real world-class trainer.

00:07:19.000 Knows a lot about Muay Thai, specifically, and a lot about MMA. Do they ever feed you something where it totally blows your mind?

00:07:27.000 Like, oh shit, I didn't realize that's what happened? 0.99

00:07:30.000 Yeah, sometimes. 1.00

00:07:31.000 God damn it. 0.99

00:07:33.000 Yeah, sometimes you'll see something. 0.99

00:07:33.000 Yeah, me too. 0.99

00:07:35.000 Like, they'll see something in a replay.

00:07:37.000 Maybe someone catches it, like a break of an ankle or a weird roll of a knee or something like that.

00:07:42.000 They'll say, like, watch this.

00:07:44.000 Look at his ankle. 1.00

00:07:45.000 And then you go, oh shit. 1.00

00:07:45.000 Look at his ankle. 1.00

00:07:46.000 They'll show it to me.

00:07:47.000 Yeah.

00:07:47.000 And I go, oh yeah.

00:07:49.000 So we'll have a conversation.

00:07:50.000 Like, oh yeah, we need to show that.

00:07:51.000 And then we'll replay something.

00:07:53.000 Wow.

00:07:54.000 I was thinking too, I was watching, I was just looking on Instagram that you were in Toronto and you did a show and then you did the fights the next day.

00:08:05.000 And I was thinking as like watching you do the call the fights, I was like, man, there's no other broadcaster in the major sports where like the night before he had as good a time as you did.

00:08:17.000 You know?

00:08:19.000 Like, there's no way Al Michaels and Chris Collingsworth are like, tonight we're gonna fucking party with, like, fans, and then tomorrow we'll call the Cowboys and the Giants. 0.78

00:08:29.000 Like, that never happens, for sure. 0.88

00:08:31.000 Yeah.

00:08:33.000 You get to, like, really have the best trips that are work trips when you think about it, you know?

00:08:39.000 Oh, yeah, they're so fun. 0.98

00:08:40.000 It's fucking nuts. 0.90

00:08:42.000 But even when I don't do a show... 0.99

00:08:44.000 You still love the fights.

00:08:45.000 UFC is awesome.

00:08:46.000 Of course.

00:08:47.000 Live, watching live fights, man.

00:08:50.000 Especially now that I loosened up my schedule, so I go like half as much.

00:08:56.000 It's only North America.

00:08:58.000 Yeah.

00:08:58.000 None of those big crazy trips, they just take too long.

00:09:01.000 They break you down.

00:09:02.000 Yeah.

00:09:02.000 It takes too many days to recover from them.

00:09:04.000 It's killer.

00:09:04.000 Yeah.

00:09:05.000 It kills you.

00:09:06.000 But on top of that, that's the right amount for me.

00:09:10.000 Yeah.

00:09:11.000 To just still be super enthusiastic about it.

00:09:14.000 There's nothing like it.

00:09:15.000 I mean, I'll tell you, I didn't become a hardcore MMA guy, but now I watch it casually and enjoy it.

00:09:23.000 But the whole reason is that I went to it live.

00:09:27.000 Going to it live changes your perspective completely.

00:09:30.000 There's nothing like it.

00:09:31.000 Yeah.

00:09:32.000 I've only been to a few other sports live.

00:09:35.000 I've been to baseball games, been to basketball games, been to a hockey game.

00:09:39.000 Basketball live will change your perspective.

00:09:41.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:09:42.000 Just how enormous they are, how athletic, how fast the shit is. 1.00

00:09:45.000 Yeah, it's incredible. 0.99

00:09:46.000 When you see the footwork and the movement, when they're doing some sort of a crazy layup, it's like, god damn, super athleticism while people are trying to stop you from doing it.

00:09:54.000 And there's 10 people in not that much space when you're at basketball live.

00:09:57.000 You're like, that's not...

00:09:59.000 That much room, especially on a half court, you know?

00:10:01.000 It takes this laser beam focus to be able to stop and put that ball exactly where you want.

00:10:06.000 What an interesting skill.

00:10:08.000 To the way that they pass.

00:10:09.000 Actually, you know, LeBron's like, on top of being this super athlete and everything, his passing skills are absurd.

00:10:15.000 You can look at a passing reel at him and you're like, how did he even...

00:10:19.000 I think even people that play basketball, how did you even do that?

00:10:22.000 Because...

00:10:23.000 He'll go in a direction and anticipate that someone's going to be somewhere else within seconds, and then will, behind his head, pass it, and you just can't put it together.

00:10:37.000 Do you think these are things they work on?

00:10:39.000 They must work on that, right?

00:10:40.000 I think they work on it, but I think at their level and players like at his level, it's just second nature.

00:10:40.000 I think so.

00:10:46.000 There's so much improvisation.

00:10:48.000 Absolutely, yeah.

00:10:49.000 So it's kind of a creative game in a lot of ways. 0.63

00:10:52.000 Dude, yeah, it's really fucking amazing to watch high level. 0.83

00:10:56.000 High level anything. 0.80

00:10:57.000 I mean, I don't like soccer that much, but I will watch, like I don't watch it regularly, but when World Cup comes on, I'll turn into like a mini fanatic.

00:11:06.000 You gotta watch it with Ian Edwards. 0.94

00:11:08.000 Oh, he's fucking really hardcore. 0.98

00:11:10.000 He's hardcore. 0.99

00:11:11.000 He has his own podcast about it.

00:11:12.000 Just about it, yeah.

00:11:14.000 Him and some other dude.

00:11:15.000 Who's the other dude that he does it with, you know?

00:11:17.000 Jason Galern, right?

00:11:18.000 Is it?

00:11:19.000 Galern?

00:11:19.000 Well, Galern and him did it at one point, I know for sure.

00:11:22.000 No shit. 0.99

00:11:22.000 That's funny. 0.99

00:11:23.000 Galern's a really funny guy. 0.99

00:11:24.000 He's a fucking hilarious comedian. 0.96

00:11:26.000 Really funny guy. 0.98

00:11:28.000 Yeah.

00:11:29.000 We're talking about...

00:11:30.000 I was going to bring something else.

00:11:33.000 I probably can't talk about this yet.

00:11:35.000 Oh, yeah?

00:11:35.000 Yeah.

00:11:36.000 I was just going to say something nice, but I don't think we can talk about it yet.

00:11:40.000 But...

00:11:43.000 Martin Harris, that's who he does it with.

00:11:45.000 That's who he maybe does some with Galern.

00:11:47.000 Galern's a big soccer player too.

00:11:49.000 Big soccer guy.

00:11:50.000 Yeah.

00:11:51.000 But high level, you ever watch like...

00:11:54.000 What's that little dude's name?

00:11:55.000 Messi?

00:11:56.000 Messi, yeah.

00:11:57.000 Lionel?

00:11:58.000 Yeah.

00:11:59.000 Yeah, there he is.

00:12:00.000 We got it queued up.

00:12:00.000 Jamie's a wizard.

00:12:02.000 Look at him.

00:12:02.000 He went to me.

00:12:04.000 And this dude's like 25 or 26, you know?

00:12:08.000 Yeah, and he's this just technical wizard, improvisational wizard.

00:12:14.000 No, he's amazing.

00:12:15.000 I've watched these highlights, man.

00:12:16.000 I've watched a bunch of his because it's fascinating just to watch somebody that good at anything.

00:12:23.000 You know, if you told me, like, I just tweeted out this thing today about a dart player. 0.98

00:12:27.000 And they're like, this is one of the baddest motherfuckers in darts. 0.99

00:12:29.000 I'll watch that dude throw darts for hours. 0.99

00:12:33.000 Look at this.

00:12:34.000 Look at this.

00:12:37.000 Dude, this guy's a wizard.

00:12:38.000 Look at this.

00:12:40.000 Just embarrassing people, too.

00:12:42.000 That's just wizardry.

00:12:43.000 Yeah.

00:12:44.000 That guy, like, he moves like a wizard. 0.98

00:12:47.000 It's like what he's able to do with that ball is just fucking astounding. 0.98

00:12:51.000 Yeah. 0.97

00:12:52.000 You have to be so much better than people to do something like that.

00:12:56.000 And then the thing I always think about, remind myself of, is that he's so much better than people who are really great at it.

00:13:02.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:13:03.000 He's not playing me out there.

00:13:03.000 Exactly.

00:13:03.000 You know?

00:13:06.000 You know?

00:13:07.000 Like, those are other professionals.

00:13:09.000 Yeah.

00:13:09.000 And he's just like, I'm gonna embarrass you, man.

00:13:11.000 You're not gonna want to talk to your wife or your mother after this game.

00:13:14.000 Well, occasionally there's fights like that, too.

00:13:17.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:13:18.000 Look at this shit. 1.00

00:13:20.000 At least these guys. 1.00

00:13:21.000 They're getting humiliated, but nobody's getting hurt.

00:13:24.000 Look at that wizardry. 0.99

00:13:26.000 That is just fucking straight up wizardry. 0.99

00:13:28.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:13:29.000 It's amazing.

00:13:30.000 Like, his footwork is just...

00:13:31.000 It's like he's doing a different thing than them.

00:13:34.000 Did he get tripped over the referee?

00:13:37.000 Is that what happened there?

00:13:37.000 It looked like it.

00:13:41.000 Did a referee get in the way? 0.95

00:13:41.000 Is that what happened? 0.95

00:13:43.000 Did a referee get in the way? 0.95

00:13:44.000 That's annoying.

00:13:45.000 Dude, in football?

00:13:46.000 In our football?

00:13:46.000 Get out of the way.

00:13:48.000 That team was wearing stripes. 1.00

00:13:49.000 There's some big-time fucking... 0.99

00:13:51.000 Collisions? 0.99

00:13:52.000 Oh, yeah, my God.

00:13:54.000 Nasty. 1.00

00:13:54.000 Over-the-middle shit, where the guy's like... 1.00

00:13:57.000 And he's like 64. Oh, my God, no. 0.99

00:13:59.000 He just turns and just...

00:14:01.000 No.

00:14:02.000 Do they die?

00:14:03.000 No.

00:14:04.000 No, but there's...

00:14:05.000 They're never the same again.

00:14:07.000 You can't be on some of them.

00:14:08.000 Can you imagine?

00:14:09.000 Some of them are horrific men. 0.74

00:14:10.000 Imagine a regular person getting hit by a football player.

00:14:13.000 Yeah, there's only a couple of refs that stand out as really in shape in football. 0.98

00:14:18.000 Most of them just look like a healthier, like a more fit, but normal-bodied guy.

00:14:24.000 Then there's Ed Hocules, and there's another guy who are a little more...

00:14:28.000 Jacked.

00:14:28.000 A little bit, yeah.

00:14:29.000 A little bit.

00:14:30.000 There's this dude who invented this thing called the Iron Neck.

00:14:33.000 His name's Mike Jolly.

00:14:34.000 Oh, yeah.

00:14:36.000 I'm going to get this out of my throat, folks.

00:14:39.000 I know it's as annoying to me as it is to you.

00:14:43.000 But he came by to...

00:14:45.000 Come on, man.

00:14:45.000 There's Hocules.

00:14:46.000 Sorry.

00:14:46.000 He's 60-something.

00:14:47.000 Oh my god, that guy's gonna get krilled?

00:14:48.000 He's gonna get hit by something?

00:14:50.000 No, but look, he's in shape, I'm saying.

00:14:51.000 Oh yeah.

00:14:52.000 He's one of the, look how, he's an older guy, and he's definitely in shape.

00:14:55.000 Yeah, but even though, if you're an older guy and in shape, you're getting hit by an actual NFL player.

00:15:04.000 The point is, this guy came over here to demonstrate.

00:15:08.000 Jesus Christ.

00:15:10.000 He came over to demonstrate this thing. 1.00

00:15:11.000 He's a fucking giant. 1.00

00:15:12.000 That guy's huge. 1.00

00:15:13.000 He's just thinking, like, if this guy played football, if I played football, and he played football, and we ran into each other, that would be terrible for me.

00:15:20.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:15:21.000 Like, there's a different kind of person out there.

00:15:24.000 These, like, unless you've been around, like, a pro NFL player, you see him walk through a crowd of people, and you go, oh, man.

00:15:32.000 I just met J.J. Watt.

00:15:33.000 I just met him, like, a month ago, and I was like...

00:15:36.000 Like, people call me, like, big fella that I meet, you know?

00:15:40.000 Right.

00:15:40.000 Big guy, big fella.

00:15:42.000 Hey, man.

00:15:42.000 Right.

00:15:42.000 I know, you're big guy, you know, all that stuff.

00:15:44.000 Right, right, right.

00:15:45.000 And then in your head, you're like, I guess I am a big guy.

00:15:47.000 And then you meet...

00:15:49.000 That dude.

00:15:50.000 And I looked like a child next to him.

00:15:53.000 I looked like a little boy meeting a superman or something.

00:15:59.000 He's a giant human being.

00:16:00.000 He's a giant, giant, enormous man.

00:16:02.000 They make people.

00:16:03.000 We watched or we looked at this Website that held up all the various heights and weights of NFL players from 20, 30 years ago in comparison today.

00:16:14.000 Oh, yeah.

00:16:15.000 It's like night and day.

00:16:16.000 It's amazing.

00:16:17.000 When I was a kid, I remember linemen, which is the biggest players in football, We're like 275 was the standard weight. 0.98

00:16:25.000 And when people would say that, you go, that's a fucking humongous guy. 0.92

00:16:29.000 I mean, I'm like eight, nine years old. 0.99

00:16:30.000 You go 275. And that was like the thing.

00:16:33.000 And it was a big deal if a guy weighed 300 pounds.

00:16:36.000 And if you're over 300, you were an anomaly.

00:16:39.000 Like, you remember the refrigerator, the fridge, right?

00:16:41.000 Yeah.

00:16:42.000 So that was like the thing.

00:16:43.000 He was like the biggest human in the NFL. And they called him the fridge and he was like fatter and everything.

00:16:49.000 But they couldn't believe, you know, it was a thing to be like, this guy's over 300 pounds.

00:16:54.000 Now, if you weighed 300 and you were playing on the line, you'd be underweight.

00:16:59.000 You'd be one of the light guys.

00:17:01.000 Because there's guys that are 330, 340 playing that position.

00:17:06.000 And athletic guys, too.

00:17:09.000 Wow.

00:17:10.000 It's really huge, man.

00:17:12.000 How much bigger can they get?

00:17:12.000 Really, really huge.

00:17:14.000 Like, what's maximum size for a pro athlete?

00:17:16.000 I thought about it.

00:17:16.000 I thought about that.

00:17:17.000 There was this guy who played, but he wasn't really great, but he was 6'8", 400. 6'8", 400 pounds.

00:17:26.000 Yeah.

00:17:27.000 And that's a human being.

00:17:28.000 Exactly.

00:17:28.000 Yeah.

00:17:30.000 Imagine if everybody was 6'8", 400 pounds.

00:17:32.000 The world would be a different place.

00:17:34.000 It's a different thing.

00:17:34.000 Completely different.

00:17:36.000 That's a different kind of human being.

00:17:37.000 6'5", 289. But this guy is really fast.

00:17:41.000 Really athletic.

00:17:42.000 Box jump.

00:17:43.000 What? 1.00

00:17:44.000 What the fuck are you talking about? 1.00

00:17:47.000 Look what that just says. 0.99

00:17:48.000 It says he made a 61 inch box jump.

00:17:52.000 That is insane.

00:17:55.000 For the average person to understand how insane that is, how do you describe how insane it is to watch an almost 300 pound man launch himself literally five feet into the air? 1.00

00:18:09.000 Look at this fucker, man. 1.00

00:18:09.000 Here we go. 1.00

00:18:10.000 That is fucking insane. 1.00

00:18:12.000 That is insane. 1.00

00:18:12.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:18:14.000 Look at the size of this prick. 0.98

00:18:17.000 I stood in the middle of his back. 0.99

00:18:19.000 Let's watch this.

00:18:19.000 Here we go.

00:18:20.000 Oh my god!

00:18:21.000 That's insane!

00:18:25.000 Must have been the shoes, baby.

00:18:27.000 Wow. 0.98

00:18:27.000 I mean, he fucking launched himself in the air. 0.98

00:18:31.000 Big fuck, man. 1.00

00:18:32.000 That's so hard to do. 1.00

00:18:34.000 Yeah.

00:18:35.000 Like, what he just did, like, one tenth of, like, super athletes could probably do, right?

00:18:42.000 How many people could do that?

00:18:44.000 Jamie, you're a big...

00:18:47.000 He's one of very few, and there's a couple guys that, I don't know, it's not five feet, but easily three, three and a half feet that jump out of the pool.

00:18:53.000 Oh, I've seen that.

00:18:54.000 Some guys do that with weights in their hands, too.

00:18:56.000 Yeah, BJ Penn can do that.

00:18:57.000 So can Chad Mendes. 0.98

00:18:59.000 Silly. 1.00

00:19:00.000 Crazy. 1.00

00:19:01.000 But those guys are smaller guys.

00:19:01.000 Yeah, this is a...

00:19:03.000 He's a humongous guy, dude.

00:19:05.000 Yeah.

00:19:07.000 BJ, he's fought as heavy as heavyweight.

00:19:11.000 Really?

00:19:11.000 Yeah, BJ fought.

00:19:12.000 He fought heavyweight?

00:19:13.000 Yeah.

00:19:14.000 Yeah, he did.

00:19:15.000 Was he like 5'9"?

00:19:17.000 What's that?

00:19:17.000 5'9"?

00:19:18.000 Is that right?

00:19:19.000 Yeah, somewhere around there.

00:19:22.000 He fought Liotta Machida.

00:19:22.000 Yeah.

00:19:24.000 He fought Liotta Machida and Liotta Machida was clearly 200 plus pounds.

00:19:30.000 And Liotta Machida had knocked out Rich Franklin too.

00:19:34.000 What's BJ's walk-around weight? 1.00

00:19:36.000 Now he's pretty light.

00:19:38.000 Because he's fighting at 145. But if he wasn't at 5, would he be like a 160, 170 guy?

00:19:44.000 Yeah, if he got up, yeah.

00:19:45.000 If he wasn't doing a lot of cardio, I bet he probably walks around like 160 or something like that.

00:19:52.000 But he won the 155 and he won the 170. What happened in that heavyweight fight?

00:19:56.000 He won.

00:19:57.000 Oh, he won?

00:19:58.000 Yeah, I'm pretty sure.

00:20:00.000 I think he won to Lyoto Machida.

00:20:02.000 No, no, he lost to Lyoto Machida.

00:20:04.000 He lost a decision.

00:20:06.000 That's a big deal.

00:20:07.000 See if that's true.

00:20:08.000 I believe that's true.

00:20:09.000 I think he lost a decision.

00:20:13.000 Does it say that anywhere?

00:20:14.000 I know he fought, he left the UFC and he fought a couple fights in other organizations.

00:20:18.000 He fought Bang Ludwig in Japan.

00:20:21.000 And he had a fight with Lyoto Machida.

00:20:26.000 You got it?

00:20:28.000 Yeah, that's it.

00:20:31.000 Look, Lyoto Machida, he was big back then.

00:20:35.000 Lyoto won a decision.

00:20:37.000 Yeah, crazy.

00:20:39.000 Lyoto goes on to be the UFC light heavyweight champion and BJ is now fighting as a featherweight. 0.98

00:20:43.000 It's fucking incredible.

00:20:46.000 That's a really nutty thing that fighters do when you try to win and compete at different weight classes. 0.99

00:20:52.000 B.J. just didn't give a fuck. 0.99

00:20:55.000 He was so confident, particularly early in his career. 0.99

00:20:59.000 Yeah.

00:21:00.000 That was one of the things about him when he would fight, he just had this intense belief in himself.

00:21:05.000 He would be super, super aggressive too.

00:21:08.000 He knocked out this dude, Kyle Uno, in like six seconds.

00:21:11.000 And Kyle Uno's a really good fighter.

00:21:13.000 Kyle Uno is very experienced.

00:21:16.000 He's fought a lot of, like, real world-class guys in Japan, and he was a real respected grappler.

00:21:21.000 And it was an interesting matchup because of BJ's grappling pedigree.

00:21:24.000 Like, BJ won the Mundials.

00:21:26.000 And Kyle Uno was thought to be, like, a really good grappler, a real solid wrestler and submission guy.

00:21:31.000 But BJ just stormed at him. 1.00

00:21:33.000 Just stormed at him and just starched him.

00:21:35.000 Yeah.

00:21:36.000 It was crazy.

00:21:37.000 He believes he's going to knock you out.

00:21:38.000 He was just so good.

00:21:40.000 People who didn't get to see him live when he was in his prime, BJ was so good.

00:21:45.000 He was so good.

00:21:46.000 Like when he beat Diego Sanchez. 0.99

00:21:49.000 I remember thinking, damn. 0.99

00:21:51.000 Like, that was what I think, what you'd call, like, peak BJ. Peak BJ was like, he beat Sean Shirk. 0.99

00:21:55.000 He destroyed Sean Shirk.

00:21:56.000 He was a really tough fighter.

00:21:59.000 Like, people forget how good Sean Shirk was.

00:22:00.000 Sean Shirk was like a human pit bull.

00:22:03.000 This dude was just jacked. 0.66

00:22:05.000 Super strong wrestler.

00:22:06.000 Just super, super aggressive.

00:22:08.000 Did BJ go into it with a, like, a trained background or just like a scrappy fighter?

00:22:12.000 Well, he was very trained.

00:22:14.000 You know, he's very technical, especially on the ground.

00:22:16.000 He's really high level in his Brazilian jiu-jitsu.

00:22:18.000 Super technical.

00:22:19.000 And he was like that when he came in to fight?

00:22:22.000 Yeah, I don't know when he started his striking out, but I know he got his black belt in jiu-jitsu in three years.

00:22:29.000 Fast, right?

00:22:30.000 Bananas fast.

00:22:31.000 Like, one-tenth of one percent fast.

00:22:34.000 Yeah.

00:22:34.000 Really?

00:22:35.000 Oh, wow.

00:22:36.000 I mean, for most people, getting a black belt in jiu-jitsu is like...

00:22:42.000 If you're a real phenom, you can get it in seven years.

00:22:45.000 As a phenom?

00:22:46.000 Yeah.

00:22:47.000 There's a few guys that'll get it earlier.

00:22:49.000 If you have some particular talent physically, which seems like a lot of people equate martial arts, rightly so, with technique is the most important thing.

00:22:59.000 It absolutely is.

00:23:00.000 But another thing that is almost as important as technique is physical dexterity of your body.

00:23:05.000 What you can do and what you can't do with your body.

00:23:07.000 Some people are super flexible, like BJ. BJ's ridiculously flexible.

00:23:12.000 And BJ would wrap guys up with his legs. 1.00

00:23:15.000 His legs are like weapons.

00:23:16.000 They're like arms. 0.87

00:23:17.000 So he chokes you with his arms and he's choking you with his legs.

00:23:21.000 He has incredible dexterity and flexibility with his legs.

00:23:25.000 And that's always made BJ particularly dangerous on the ground.

00:23:29.000 And he's just smart about fighting.

00:23:32.000 He just is very good at understanding when to push things, when not to, where he's, you know.

00:23:38.000 He just, you know, he's just, like with everybody, you only fight a lot of tough fighters, you're going to have some losses.

00:23:45.000 You know, and that's essentially what happened to BJ. That's a fucking rough business, man. 0.98

00:23:45.000 Yeah. 0.98

00:23:50.000 It is a rough business.

00:23:52.000 God.

00:23:52.000 BJ's still fighting.

00:23:53.000 Now he's going to fight this kid named Yair Rodriguez, who is a phenom.

00:23:59.000 Have you ever seen that guy?

00:24:04.000 How long has BJ been fighting for? 0.99

00:24:07.000 I gotta say, shit, he must have started his career in the early 2000s. 0.99

00:24:13.000 Oh my god. 0.99

00:24:14.000 Yeah.

00:24:15.000 It's a long time.

00:24:16.000 Yeah.

00:24:16.000 It's a long time to fight.

00:24:17.000 Well, he was, you know, yeah, I would like to guess he probably started fighting somewhere around, well, let's find out.

00:24:27.000 2001 is his first show.

00:24:28.000 There you go.

00:24:29.000 15 years of scrapping.

00:24:31.000 Wow.

00:24:32.000 It's a lot.

00:24:33.000 Yeah, it's a lot.

00:24:35.000 Yeah, it's just when you see it live, you understand really firsthand what the actual real consequences of these exchanges are.

00:24:47.000 Live for me was just also the excitement around it.

00:24:51.000 I mean, it's an arena.

00:24:53.000 Of people so jacked and for a fight.

00:24:53.000 Yeah.

00:24:56.000 And, you know, like I think you've said, like nothing in and of itself is as exciting as a fight.

00:25:02.000 You know, like a fight break, a fight in any moment is exciting.

00:25:05.000 But when you have an arena full cheering with, you know, the excitement to add to that, there's something you can't duplicate, you know, on an energy level.

00:25:14.000 Right, because the consequences are so high.

00:25:16.000 The consequences are high, but there's like, there's an energy in the room of somebody walking up and you hearing that...

00:25:22.000 Like that, you know, it raises the hair on your neck, and you're like, oh god, and then with everything that lands, that cheering, whoa, man, it's just, it's, you can't, you can't mimic that, you know?

00:25:34.000 No, yeah, it's, you know, I hate the phrase because we've said it for so long, it's as real as it gets, but it is just, you know, what is it about a phrase when you say a phrase too long, they just stop meaning anything?

00:25:50.000 People start to misuse phrases.

00:25:52.000 Yeah.

00:25:53.000 Hard work beats talent when talent refuses to work hard.

00:25:56.000 Right. 0.98

00:25:56.000 I know that's true, but I fucking hate it when people say it. 0.98

00:25:59.000 Like, don't say it. 0.97

00:25:59.000 Yeah, yeah. 0.97

00:26:00.000 Say it too much.

00:26:00.000 Can't say it anymore.

00:26:01.000 I hate it.

00:26:02.000 That one's done, right? 1.00

00:26:04.000 It's a fucking terrible, yeah. 0.96

00:26:06.000 But there's certain ones, like as real as it gets, like done. 0.98

00:26:09.000 I don't want to hear it anymore.

00:26:11.000 He used to say, you got to stop and smell the roses sometimes to talk about life.

00:26:17.000 But then he just started antidepressants.

00:26:19.000 So I was like, oh, this is just like the medicine talking.

00:26:22.000 Because he was just always like, you know, and then you stop and you smell the roses.

00:26:25.000 And we're like, yeah, no, you said that three times already.

00:26:27.000 Hey, let me ask you this, dude, because you're in the middle of this wild...

00:26:30.000 It looks like my voice is back.

00:26:31.000 You're in the middle of this wild, crazy...

00:26:34.000 What bet with Burt Kreischer to see who can lose the most weight by January 1st, 2nd, and 3rd, right?

00:26:41.000 You're going to weigh in three days in a row.

00:26:42.000 Are you going to MC it? 1.00

00:26:43.000 Fuck yeah! 1.00

00:26:44.000 We're doing it at the Forum. 1.00

00:26:45.000 You know that, right? 1.00

00:26:47.000 Fuck yeah! 1.00

00:26:48.000 Where are you going to do it? 1.00

00:26:49.000 What's the Forum?

00:26:50.000 The Forum is the...

00:26:51.000 Great Western Forum?

00:26:52.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:26:53.000 That's where the weigh-in's going to be?

00:26:54.000 That's what I was told.

00:26:55.000 Really?

00:26:55.000 I don't know.

00:26:56.000 Jesus Christ.

00:26:56.000 Yeah.

00:26:57.000 Actually, I think we'll do it.

00:26:58.000 Can we do it here?

00:26:59.000 Does that work?

00:27:01.000 We could weigh in here live on the air.

00:27:03.000 We could do that, but if you want to do it live in front of a crowd.

00:27:07.000 We can do it anywhere.

00:27:08.000 Did you guys really want to do it live in front of a crowd?

00:27:11.000 No, no, no.

00:27:12.000 That's a joke.

00:27:13.000 Okay, I was like, man, you probably could do it.

00:27:14.000 Yeah.

00:27:16.000 Right?

00:27:17.000 We get a couple thousand people in the forum to see you guys in your underwear.

00:27:20.000 The forum.

00:27:25.000 I'll do it if we can get a couple of those ring girls, but that look way different than those. 1.00

00:27:31.000 I want really big ones, real heavy.

00:27:33.000 Real heavy ring girls? 1.00

00:27:34.000 Yeah.

00:27:35.000 Then I'll do it.

00:27:37.000 That's fat shaming though.

00:27:39.000 If you start using heavy ring girls- This whole thing is fat shaming. 1.00

00:27:41.000 It doesn't matter.

00:27:42.000 You're a guy.

00:27:43.000 You can take it.

00:27:43.000 That's true.

00:27:45.000 Guys, you never accuse guys of fat shaming.

00:27:49.000 This is how crazy that term is.

00:27:52.000 Ronda Rousey, who's of course, you know, former UFC bantamweight champion, all-time great mixed martial artist, she has this girl, Juliana Pena. 0.99

00:28:06.000 That is in her weight division and they talk shit to each other. 1.00

00:28:11.000 Or at least Juliana's been talking shit about Ronda Rousey. 1.00

00:28:15.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:28:16.000 And Ronda Rousey, what she was saying was that Ronda Rousey has large arms.

00:28:21.000 She said she has fat arms. 0.75

00:28:23.000 It was one of the things she was saying.

00:28:23.000 Really?

00:28:24.000 Which is so innocuous.

00:28:26.000 And people were saying that she was fat shaming her. 1.00

00:28:30.000 And I went, are you really seriously, first of all, protecting Ronda fucking Rousey? 0.97

00:28:35.000 I think it's really more about that the lady that said it, that's, to her, such a horrible thing to say. 0.97

00:28:43.000 But they're going to fight, is my point.

00:28:46.000 Eventually, maybe.

00:28:47.000 She's like, I might lose that fight. 0.99

00:28:48.000 I don't have fat ass arms like you do. 0.98

00:28:50.000 And that, to her, she's like, I'll always have these awesome arms. 0.99

00:28:53.000 Really?

00:28:54.000 I think, yeah.

00:28:55.000 Because, I mean, somebody to go after that, like, that's for her a big deal, you know?

00:29:02.000 Those...

00:29:03.000 But yeah, Rhonda doesn't need any defense. 1.00

00:29:06.000 Even if Rhonda's really thin, like, she's, like, really thin now. 0.91

00:29:06.000 Yeah. 0.91

00:29:10.000 She's jacked.

00:29:10.000 She looks amazing, of course.

00:29:11.000 But, I mean, she's got muscles, man. 0.95

00:29:13.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:29:14.000 You know, I mean, she's got some big-ass shoulder muscles and big arm muscles. 1.00

00:29:17.000 Yeah.

00:29:17.000 There's a reason.

00:29:19.000 They're not all fat.

00:29:20.000 No way. 1.00

00:29:20.000 Those fucking things are launching chicks through the air. 1.00

00:29:22.000 Yeah, she's got plenty of muscle. 1.00

00:29:24.000 But my point was, they're proposing to fight in a fucking cage, and somehow or another it's this unbelievable outrage because she made fun of her arms being fat. 1.00

00:29:34.000 I know, right? 0.99

00:29:36.000 They're gonna beat each other nearly to death. 0.68

00:29:39.000 What are we talking about? 1.00

00:29:41.000 You fucking fat ass. 1.00

00:29:42.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:29:43.000 I mean, is that really, like, you can insult people about their personality?

00:29:47.000 Yeah, the fat thing is really, you know what it is, too?

00:29:51.000 First of all, I encourage fat shaming.

00:29:53.000 I think it's helpful.

00:29:54.000 Do you, for real?

00:29:55.000 I really do.

00:29:56.000 I think it's absolutely helpful.

00:29:57.000 Why do you think it's helpful?

00:29:58.000 It just depends on your psyche, I guess, you know, how you respond to it. 1.00

00:30:01.000 But I think it's just like somebody calling you out on your bullshit. 1.00

00:30:04.000 It's just a version of that. 1.00

00:30:05.000 It's a physical version of that.

00:30:08.000 A lot of people, you can be in denial, you know?

00:30:10.000 I think a lot of people are in denial about a lot of things.

00:30:12.000 Well, a lot of people just want to live their lives, too, to take place devil's advocate, right?

00:30:16.000 A lot of people just want to live their lives, and they don't mind being heavy. 0.99

00:30:19.000 They don't like it when people are talking shit about something. 0.98

00:30:22.000 That's a choice. 0.98

00:30:23.000 I'm not saying that that person doesn't have a right to feel that way.

00:30:26.000 Right, but I think some people have a problem with it, is that there's certain people that didn't do anything wrong.

00:30:33.000 They didn't do anything to you.

00:30:34.000 Everything they've done, they've done to themselves. 0.99

00:30:36.000 But if you're shitting on them, it's an easy thing to do. 0.99

00:30:42.000 It is an easy thing to do. 1.00

00:30:44.000 If you weren't so fat, nobody would talk about it.

00:30:48.000 I've been called fat at so many different points. 0.73

00:30:51.000 I've been up and down my whole life.

00:30:53.000 I think because of that, and when you get older, you have more acceptance with not having a problem with somebody saying it.

00:31:02.000 Plus, I get...

00:31:04.000 I'm a public figure in a lot of ways, right? 1.00

00:31:06.000 So I'm used to people being like, fuck you and go fuck yourself. 1.00

00:31:09.000 I hate your act. 1.00

00:31:10.000 Yeah.

00:31:11.000 So you're like, oh, okay.

00:31:12.000 It's another version of that.

00:31:14.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:31:14.000 Like you're fat. 0.99

00:31:15.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:31:16.000 And you're like, fuck you. 1.00

00:31:17.000 Same feeling. 1.00

00:31:18.000 It's the same feeling.

00:31:19.000 And I'm saying like, I've gotten so much that has nothing to do with fat that somebody throws in fat and you're like, yeah, okay.

00:31:26.000 You know?

00:31:27.000 So weird.

00:31:28.000 I saw your special. 0.99

00:31:29.000 I fucking hated it. 0.99

00:31:30.000 And you're like, okay. 0.99

00:31:33.000 Thanks.

00:31:33.000 Seriously disappointed, bro.

00:31:34.000 Yeah.

00:31:35.000 Seriously disappointed.

00:31:36.000 You disappoint me.

00:31:36.000 Yeah.

00:31:37.000 Ooh, you disappoint me, bro.

00:31:38.000 You disappoint me.

00:31:39.000 Whoa.

00:31:39.000 All right.

00:31:40.000 Why did you disappoint this fella?

00:31:42.000 I mean, it was, you know, I was just like, I'm not going to engage you, so.

00:31:47.000 It's bizarre when people do engage people.

00:31:49.000 We were talking about this before the podcast.

00:31:51.000 Yeah.

00:31:51.000 Philly D, you know, from the internet, from YouTube.

00:31:57.000 Very nice guy.

00:31:58.000 Philip DeFranco.

00:31:59.000 We've had him on the podcast before.

00:32:00.000 Super nice guy.

00:32:02.000 He was going out with some chick.

00:32:04.000 He tweeted something today.

00:32:08.000 What was his original tweet?

00:32:10.000 Was it about Kanye or something like that?

00:32:13.000 It was about Kanye visiting Trump and he tweeted like Trump would tweet.

00:32:17.000 Oh, that's right.

00:32:18.000 Right.

00:32:18.000 He tweeted.

00:32:20.000 Can't wait to see Trump tweet after this.

00:32:24.000 Met with Kanye West.

00:32:25.000 Tremendous American artist.

00:32:26.000 Shame Jay won't call him.

00:32:28.000 Pick up the phone.

00:32:29.000 Sad!

00:32:30.000 That's hilarious. 0.98

00:32:30.000 Which is really fucking funny. 0.98

00:32:32.000 That's really funny. 0.99

00:32:33.000 And some woman got really mad. 1.00

00:32:36.000 And look what she wrote. 1.00

00:32:37.000 Mind your damn white business and stay out of black people's beef. 1.00

00:32:41.000 You not a part of black Twitter. 1.00

00:32:43.000 Stop stealing their tweeting style. 0.99

00:32:45.000 And then I went to her page, and I think she's a troll.

00:32:49.000 Maybe. 0.97

00:32:50.000 I think she's a troll. 0.99

00:32:51.000 Oh, really? 0.97

00:32:51.000 I think she's trolling. 0.97

00:32:52.000 We don't have to give out her name or anything like that.

00:32:54.000 Please don't get anybody excited.

00:32:58.000 Maybe she's real.

00:33:00.000 But... 1.00

00:33:04.000 Maybe she just felt like shitting on him, too. 0.99

00:33:06.000 Who knows? 0.98

00:33:06.000 Maybe she just felt like typing it and didn't think he was going to respond. 0.98

00:33:10.000 But he responded in a video.

00:33:11.000 Oh, he did?

00:33:12.000 Yeah, in one of his videos he responded and talked about it.

00:33:15.000 I was like, wow, this is weird.

00:33:16.000 Huh.

00:33:17.000 I love when people say, like...

00:33:19.000 You're not to comment on this story.

00:33:23.000 Right.

00:33:23.000 Why not?

00:33:24.000 The best is that if you make any comment or joke about anything political, somebody who disagrees with that political position will go, we don't really need a comedian commenting on this.

00:33:37.000 And you're like, oh, okay.

00:33:38.000 What do you do?

00:33:39.000 Are you the...

00:33:41.000 You're the person qualified to talk about it?

00:33:43.000 Yeah, how's that work?

00:33:44.000 Yeah.

00:33:45.000 So you work at the store, the factory, and you're allowed to comment on things?

00:33:49.000 Is that something you would ever say to anybody?

00:33:51.000 You're not allowed to comment on it?

00:33:52.000 Of course not.

00:33:53.000 That's so crazy.

00:33:54.000 Yeah, I know.

00:33:55.000 It's absolutely... 1.00

00:33:56.000 I hate these fucking... 1.00

00:33:57.000 White people adding their two cents to Kanye and Jay-Z saga, trying to get RT, shut your goddamn mouth, always butting in. 1.00

00:34:05.000 Well, she got us to talk about her. 1.00

00:34:07.000 Yeah.

00:34:08.000 Good job.

00:34:09.000 I mean, this is the new world we're living in, man. 0.55

00:34:12.000 So you're not allowed to comment on that because it's black beef, she's saying. 0.96

00:34:15.000 Well, anybody telling you you're not allowed to comment on anything is crazy. 0.70

00:34:19.000 Says who? 0.65

00:34:20.000 Let me tell you something.

00:34:21.000 I have talked to people. 0.94

00:34:23.000 I have had the dumbest conversations with people who think their kung fu master could fight in the UFC, but everybody's scared of someone dying. 0.96

00:34:32.000 If someone understands real chi, they're a real chi master. 0.99

00:34:35.000 I've had these kind of conversations with people.

00:34:37.000 How much do people believe that Kung Fu...

00:34:39.000 A lot of people still do.

00:34:40.000 Where do you think it would fall on the scale of the martial arts ability to win major fights with highly trained people in either...

00:34:49.000 Like, where would Kung Fu fall?

00:34:50.000 The problem with martial arts, with individual martial arts...

00:34:54.000 Aikido's obviously at the top, yes.

00:34:56.000 But the problem is...

00:34:57.000 The problem with individual martial arts like that is that they're no longer unaware of the tactics and abilities of other martial arts.

00:35:05.000 So it used to be...

00:35:06.000 That if you were like a taekwondo guy like I was, you would have a delusional sense of how good you would do in a fight with a judo person.

00:35:14.000 Because you're not fully aware.

00:35:16.000 Because nobody grabbed you before and threw you around.

00:35:18.000 So you really have no idea how easy it would be for them to do it.

00:35:21.000 You have a distorted idea in your head.

00:35:22.000 Yeah.

00:35:23.000 Now everybody knows. 1.00

00:35:24.000 Fuck this guy up. 1.00

00:35:24.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:35:25.000 Now everybody knows.

00:35:25.000 So now it's real hard to say, like, a kung fu guy.

00:35:28.000 Like, if a kung fu guy fought a judo guy, who would win?

00:35:32.000 Because there's no real only kung fu guys anymore.

00:35:35.000 And there's no real only judo guys anymore.

00:35:37.000 They all know about MMA. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:35:39.000 Everybody knows. 0.96

00:35:40.000 If you're a martial artist, especially you get to your black belt level or something like that, You're aware of other shit now. 0.92

00:35:46.000 So you know what things, you know, what's more effective now.

00:35:50.000 Like there's a better understanding of it than anyone's ever had before.

00:35:52.000 So if you're like a high-level martial artist, even just a wrestler or something like that, I guarantee you they know, most of them know something else.

00:36:00.000 They know how to throw their hands.

00:36:01.000 They know how to throw a kick or two. 0.99

00:36:02.000 You know, and if they got like a really good coach, they could probably get pretty good at striking pretty fucking quick. 0.98

00:36:06.000 Sure.

00:36:08.000 But striking is one of those weird things, man, it seems.

00:36:10.000 That it's really difficult for people to get really good at it if they don't have the right body for it and they start late in life.

00:36:19.000 It's real weird.

00:36:20.000 Really?

00:36:20.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:36:21.000 You can get better at it, but there's a certain amount of speed that you need to execute.

00:36:27.000 To really set up and knock somebody.

00:36:29.000 There's a certain amount.

00:36:30.000 You can get by with a certain amount of speed against lesser competition.

00:36:34.000 You can get by even more so if you are more of a threat as a wrestler.

00:36:39.000 And you can get by even more so if you're really smart.

00:36:41.000 You really understand when to engage, when not to engage, and you're threatened with the wrestling.

00:36:44.000 You can get away with having a slower striking style. 1.00

00:36:48.000 But if you can't do those things, then you're a fucking sitting duck. 0.99

00:36:51.000 And that's one of the most terrifying aspects of MMA. One of the most terrifying aspects of MMA is being stuck in the middle of a cage with a guy like Anderson Silva in his prime, who's just sliding slightly out of the way to your shit and BAM! Cracking you in the face and he's dancing around and he's making the wobbly face like he's rocked. 1.00

00:37:11.000 To fuck with you and then he kicks you and punches you. 1.00

00:37:14.000 He's done some creepy shit to dudes inside the octagon. 1.00

00:37:16.000 I mean creepy in a way that's like, not negative, I mean so good. 0.99

00:37:22.000 Like he's had these moments in fights where you just go, holy shit, it's creepy. 0.99

00:37:26.000 You could get stuck in a cage with that dude. 0.97

00:37:29.000 He would just basically...

00:37:31.000 If this was a thousand years ago, it would be that he would be the king of the village.

00:37:35.000 Most likely.

00:37:36.000 Well, the king of the village would be the biggest guy.

00:37:39.000 See, what we're doing is we're separating people by size.

00:37:41.000 That's true.

00:37:42.000 At the end of the day, you meet a guy like Brock Lesnar, you go, oh, that's why there's a heavyweight division.

00:37:47.000 That's a totally different kind of human.

00:37:49.000 How many guys like that can actually...

00:37:52.000 And I'm talking about Brock specifically, but that are like 285...

00:37:57.000 To move like him?

00:37:58.000 Well, no.

00:37:59.000 It can keep a body like that without anything additional.

00:38:02.000 Like, in other words...

00:38:03.000 That's a super good question.

00:38:05.000 And it's not an honest question.

00:38:07.000 The problem is people are real dishonest about what they take and what they don't take.

00:38:11.000 Yeah.

00:38:12.000 You know, it's weird because there's people that will argue with you.

00:38:15.000 They'll say that there's only so big a person can ever get and be so fast without help.

00:38:20.000 Right.

00:38:22.000 But their understanding of recovery is way better today than ever before.

00:38:26.000 Their understanding of when to train, when not to train, when you're over-trained.

00:38:29.000 If you're at a real high-level place, they're grooming you to be an NFL player or something like that.

00:38:35.000 They're going to give you some pretty high-level instruction and coaching.

00:38:39.000 And if you're eating right, you're going to have definitely a jump over people that were in your same sort of position 20 years ago.

00:38:46.000 So the athletes are going to be better just because of the science of training.

00:38:49.000 Sure.

00:38:50.000 But after that, you gotta wonder.

00:38:52.000 You know, I mean, it's not like they don't know about them.

00:38:54.000 No, of course.

00:38:55.000 They all know about steroids, right?

00:38:57.000 So easy to get.

00:38:58.000 Yeah.

00:38:58.000 It's not like they don't know about them.

00:39:00.000 And it's not like they don't know they help.

00:39:01.000 And these dudes, like, some of the guys are definitely fat, right?

00:39:05.000 But some of these guys are, like, they're so, like, you're like, dude, you're walking around at, like, a healthy 310. Yeah.

00:39:13.000 Well, I think some of them, honestly, are probably a bit big on purpose, too, like linemen, right?

00:39:18.000 Right, definitely.

00:39:19.000 Oh, they feed them.

00:39:20.000 Yeah, you want to be a giant. 0.59

00:39:21.000 You want to be a giant monster. 0.76

00:39:23.000 Yeah.

00:39:23.000 You don't want to be shredded.

00:39:24.000 No, no, no.

00:39:25.000 You want to just be smashing into people.

00:39:27.000 Yeah.

00:39:28.000 I think. 0.99

00:39:29.000 What the fuck do I know? 0.99

00:39:30.000 I know almost nothing about football. 0.99

00:39:31.000 You're totally right, man.

00:39:32.000 People say football players' names and I have to nod, like a person from another country. 0.69

00:39:36.000 Like, you know, if someone's speaking to me in another language, like, yeah, I don't know what you're saying.

00:39:40.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:39:41.000 I feel like that about a bunch of sports, though, too.

00:39:43.000 I'm like, I got you.

00:39:44.000 Oh, yeah, man.

00:39:45.000 But you know, I wear hats a lot, especially I travel.

00:39:48.000 I used to like having a hat on a plane, pull over, and I have like 10 different teams.

00:39:52.000 And guys were boring.

00:39:53.000 They're like, did you see Douglas last night?

00:39:54.000 And I'm like, what?

00:39:56.000 And they're like, the game.

00:39:56.000 And I realize it's the hat, and I'm like, I missed it.

00:39:59.000 And he's like, fuck, shut him out. 1.00

00:40:01.000 I'm like, fucking killer, man. 1.00

00:40:02.000 You don't even know who that guy is. 1.00

00:40:04.000 No, I have no idea who he's talking about.

00:40:05.000 Yeah.

00:40:06.000 Yeah, I have no idea who he's talking about.

00:40:09.000 Well, now there's so many UFC fighters.

00:40:11.000 There's like 500 UFC fighters.

00:40:14.000 Occasionally, like, I gotta look people up.

00:40:16.000 Sure.

00:40:16.000 Someone will mention someone, I'm like, who did he fight?

00:40:19.000 And they'll fight, he fought that guy.

00:40:20.000 I'm like, when?

00:40:20.000 And they're like, four fight nights ago.

00:40:23.000 I'm like, undercard?

00:40:24.000 When was the undercard?

00:40:25.000 Oh, really?

00:40:26.000 Yeah, I'll have to, like, put it in my...

00:40:27.000 It's gotten super big.

00:40:28.000 It's too many fights.

00:40:30.000 How massive has it gotten?

00:40:32.000 Just in the time that I've known or been to UFC stuff, you know, the fight game has exploded in popularity.

00:40:40.000 It seems like it all took off from this one fight in 2005 between Stephen Bonner and Forrest Griffin.

00:40:47.000 That was like the big one.

00:40:48.000 Because it was the end of this, the final of this first reality show, The Ultimate Fighter.

00:40:52.000 Oh, right.

00:40:52.000 This crazy fight in the finals.

00:40:54.000 These guys knew each other real well, and they actually liked each other a lot. 0.97

00:40:57.000 But they fucking went at it. 0.98

00:41:00.000 They just both went at it. 0.99

00:41:02.000 It changed the game.

00:41:04.000 Both guys fought Anderson Silva, too.

00:41:07.000 Oh, wow.

00:41:08.000 Later in their career.

00:41:09.000 They both? 1.00

00:41:09.000 They both got fucked up. 1.00

00:41:10.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:41:11.000 It was when Anderson was just a Jedi Knight.

00:41:14.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:41:15.000 He was just doing shit to people inside the octagon. 0.99

00:41:17.000 We were like, oh, Jesus. 1.00

00:41:18.000 How was that that one fight with him?

00:41:21.000 Which one?

00:41:22.000 I think it's, was it the Weidman one?

00:41:25.000 Oh, when he broke his leg?

00:41:26.000 Or when he got knocked out?

00:41:28.000 I think when he got knocked out.

00:41:29.000 I think I was at that.

00:41:30.000 Probably.

00:41:30.000 You've been to a ton of them.

00:41:31.000 I've been to a bunch of them now.

00:41:32.000 Yeah.

00:41:32.000 That one was crazy.

00:41:33.000 Because he was winning that fight.

00:41:35.000 If I didn't go to that one, I definitely saw...

00:41:37.000 I've seen both of those guys fight at fights.

00:41:39.000 So I can't remember if I saw that fight or not.

00:41:41.000 Weidman was pressing him, but Anderson was kicking him a lot in the legs.

00:41:45.000 And I was looking and I was like, ooh, he's kicking his legs a lot.

00:41:49.000 He did a lot of crazy taunting.

00:41:52.000 But you know what?

00:41:54.000 Weidman did something really slick.

00:41:57.000 He did something really slick.

00:41:58.000 It was really interesting.

00:41:59.000 He threw a back fist.

00:42:01.000 He threw a punch, and then he threw a back fist.

00:42:04.000 Because Anderson was bobbing and weaving and bobbing and weaving and moving away from him.

00:42:08.000 So he figures if the right's coming, then the left's coming.

00:42:10.000 So he throws a punch, misses, and then throws a back fist, which makes Anderson have to go that way.

00:42:16.000 So then when he starts going that way, the other way, BAM! He catches him with a left hook.

00:42:20.000 It's a beautiful combination.

00:42:23.000 It's a beautiful combination with a guy who moves his head a lot because you force him because you're not just throwing one in that direction.

00:42:29.000 You're throwing a second one.

00:42:31.000 So he's going that way, which is like when you throw a left hook.

00:42:35.000 He's going that way.

00:42:36.000 So he's already going the way to avoid the left hook.

00:42:38.000 He's got to come back.

00:42:39.000 And when he comes back, boom, he catches him perfect.

00:42:43.000 It was brilliant.

00:42:45.000 Beautiful timing. 1.00

00:42:45.000 Yes, it was the setup before the fucking blow, too. 1.00

00:42:48.000 Well, he looked a little slower than Anderson, so he was having a hard time catching him. 0.99

00:42:52.000 And Anderson was staying on the outside and kicking his legs a lot.

00:42:55.000 But they had collided in the first round, and he took Anderson down and wrapped one of his legs up and had him pretty tight.

00:43:01.000 It looked like he might be getting a leg lock or attempting a leg lock, and Anderson got out of it.

00:43:05.000 Isn't that the fight, too, where after the fight, where Weidman was like, make your decision now.

00:43:10.000 You're either on board or you're not...

00:43:13.000 No, that was another fight.

00:43:14.000 That was another fight?

00:43:15.000 That was another fight, yeah.

00:43:16.000 I think that was after Vitor, I think, after beat up Vitor.

00:43:22.000 He's like, pick your...

00:43:23.000 Yeah, I was like, whoa.

00:43:24.000 Get on board. 0.99

00:43:25.000 I was like, damn, Chris. 0.99

00:43:26.000 You've had up to now to decide. 0.99

00:43:28.000 Pretty good.

00:43:29.000 Yeah, you know, he's an interesting guy. 0.99

00:43:32.000 He takes a loss like a fucking champ, I'll tell you that. 0.96

00:43:35.000 He lost to Yoel Romero by knockout, and then he was sitting on the dais answering questions later with his eye all stitched up. 0.99

00:43:42.000 Yeah.

00:43:43.000 You know what I mean?

00:43:45.000 He's a stud.

00:43:47.000 You know what fight I was in?

00:43:48.000 That's hard to do, man.

00:43:49.000 Oh, I bet, man.

00:43:49.000 You get KO'd and then just answer questions with stitches over your eye and you're talking to press people.

00:43:54.000 Oh, I've seen some guys real fucked up. 0.98

00:43:56.000 Perfect composure, though. 0.98

00:43:57.000 He handled it perfectly.

00:43:58.000 I was at that Gustafson-John Jones fight where I think they both went to the hospital.

00:44:05.000 It was a brutal, brutal, brutal fight.

00:44:09.000 It was a decision fight, I think.

00:44:11.000 Yeah.

00:44:11.000 Yeah, and then it was like they just massacred each other, you know?

00:44:15.000 They just beat the shit out of each other. 0.96

00:44:17.000 That was a crazy fight. 0.97

00:44:18.000 Yeah.

00:44:19.000 Yeah.

00:44:20.000 That was a fight where John was talking about it when he was on the podcast.

00:44:22.000 He was talking about how much he partied.

00:44:24.000 After that fight?

00:44:25.000 Oh, before the fight.

00:44:26.000 Oh, before that.

00:44:27.000 Yeah, he was partying a lot.

00:44:29.000 Wow.

00:44:29.000 Yeah, it was an incredible fight.

00:44:31.000 I just remember how bloodied those guys were.

00:44:33.000 Yeah, it was a rough fight.

00:44:34.000 And Gustafson shocked a lot of people.

00:44:37.000 Yeah, that's the crowd.

00:44:38.000 You could feel the crowd swell.

00:44:40.000 What I always call MMA, this is the phrase I use all the time, so maybe it'll start getting annoying too.

00:44:45.000 It's like extreme problem solving with dire physical consequences. 0.99

00:44:51.000 That's why it's plus shit talking. 0.99

00:44:54.000 Right. 0.99

00:44:54.000 Throwing that too. 0.99

00:44:55.000 High stakes. 1.00

00:44:56.000 Talking shit. 1.00

00:44:57.000 Yeah, high stakes. 1.00

00:44:58.000 There's an emotions battle.

00:44:59.000 Whether or not you can keep your emotions.

00:45:01.000 How well you handle pressure.

00:45:02.000 It's giant.

00:45:03.000 That's the thing about Conor McGregor.

00:45:06.000 More than anything.

00:45:07.000 Like, nah, we shouldn't say more than anything.

00:45:09.000 It's one of many things about him that's pretty interesting.

00:45:12.000 But one of the most interesting things about him is he handles pressure like nobody I've ever seen.

00:45:17.000 Yeah.

00:45:17.000 Like when he fought Aldo for the title, he didn't even look remotely nervous.

00:45:21.000 He was super relaxed, super calm.

00:45:23.000 Then you start to think, though, that you go, how much of what you're seeing is how pressure is manifested through that guy?

00:45:32.000 You know what I mean?

00:45:32.000 Like, for instance, the press conference kind of antics, you're like, is that...

00:45:38.000 Is that genuine?

00:45:39.000 Is that an act?

00:45:41.000 Is that how he handles the pressure of this high-pressure situation? 0.99

00:45:45.000 By doing a fucking, you know, bang-bang show. 0.99

00:45:48.000 Right. 0.99

00:45:49.000 So like, but I personally, I find the guy, which is I think what you want, why someone becomes a star.

00:45:56.000 Endlessly entertaining on top of being good.

00:45:58.000 So, you know, I'm tuning in, too. 0.99

00:46:00.000 I want to see the fucking show. 1.00

00:46:01.000 He's the best shit-talker of all time. 1.00

00:46:03.000 I know I've said that before about other people. 0.99

00:46:05.000 Before that, I said Chael Sonnen was the best shit-talker of all time. 0.98

00:46:08.000 And I think he was for a while. 0.98

00:46:10.000 But I think Conor tops him.

00:46:12.000 And all of a sudden... 0.99

00:46:14.000 Also, as well, Conor has an additional significance to his shit-talking, because he knocks people dead. 0.99

00:46:20.000 Right. 0.99

00:46:21.000 It's a totally different thing. 0.99

00:46:22.000 And Chael Sonnen, not that he's not a fucking animal, because Chael Sonnen's an animal, and he submitted Shogun Hua. 0.97

00:46:28.000 Chael Sonnen's a very solid grappler. 0.99

00:46:30.000 Sure.

00:46:30.000 Came very close to beating Anderson Silva in their first fight, so he's a stud.

00:46:35.000 But what Conor does differently is he ices guys with one punch.

00:46:38.000 And that's a big factor in a fight when you're watching him and he fights Eddie Alvarez.

00:46:43.000 And all of a sudden he dings him with a left hand and catches him and rocks him early on. 0.99

00:46:47.000 You go, holy shit. 0.98

00:46:49.000 And you realize, like, he's fighting a guy now at 155 pounds. 0.99

00:46:52.000 And Eddie Alvarez is a big 155. He's a big guy.

00:46:55.000 Big, muscular guy.

00:46:56.000 The idea is he's going to be able to wrestle Conor.

00:46:59.000 He's going to be able to grab him and grind him out the same way he did with Anthony Pettis.

00:47:02.000 Mm-hmm.

00:47:03.000 Nope.

00:47:04.000 Nope.

00:47:05.000 Dealing with a totally different animal.

00:47:07.000 Yeah.

00:47:07.000 Connor's just got a totally different kind of focus as far as like the way he zooms in on targets.

00:47:12.000 Yeah.

00:47:12.000 And his precision is just speed.

00:47:14.000 He's just dropping it in there with 100% speed.

00:47:18.000 Like that's a big part of what he's doing.

00:47:19.000 He's not loading up at all.

00:47:21.000 Yeah.

00:47:21.000 And the ability to stay...

00:47:22.000 Like when you load up, say like if you see someone coming at you and you just go...

00:47:26.000 Like, all that's wasted time.

00:47:28.000 All that's wasted time.

00:47:29.000 What Conor has is the ability to be perfectly technical in a firefight.

00:47:35.000 So, like, Aldo's charging at him.

00:47:37.000 This is like 13 seconds into the fight.

00:47:39.000 Aldo's charging at him.

00:47:40.000 And he knows how to just slide back and blam!

00:47:44.000 Drops that left hand in on him.

00:47:46.000 Is the striking the strongest part of his?

00:47:47.000 Yes, for sure.

00:47:49.000 His ground game is underrated.

00:47:50.000 He's very good on the ground.

00:47:51.000 He's very good defensively.

00:47:53.000 He's got good sweeps.

00:47:54.000 He sweeped Nate Diaz in their first fight.

00:47:55.000 People forget that.

00:47:56.000 He's the kind of guy, how much would you love to watch before he was a professional?

00:48:00.000 I did watch him.

00:48:01.000 Well, not before he was a professional.

00:48:02.000 I'm saying bar fights, though.

00:48:03.000 Oh, Jesus.

00:48:03.000 Because you know he's been in some definite scraps in bars before.

00:48:07.000 I don't even think you're allowed to get 18 in Ireland if you haven't been in a bar fight yet.

00:48:11.000 Yeah, man.

00:48:12.000 We're going out tonight, lad.

00:48:14.000 Put a pop on your cherry.

00:48:15.000 That's probably the worst accent ever.

00:48:17.000 Probably.

00:48:18.000 Right up there.

00:48:19.000 But I saw him fight in Cage Warriors.

00:48:23.000 I tweeted to him in like 2013 before he came to the UFC. I said, I'm a big fan, man.

00:48:30.000 I want you to come over.

00:48:32.000 And did he?

00:48:33.000 Yeah, I mean, right after that, the UFC in him, totally coincidentally, I definitely probably told anybody who listened to me about him.

00:48:42.000 Because I had seen him fight before, and I'm like, this kid eyes his people. 1.00

00:48:45.000 His left hand is just devastating.

00:48:47.000 And he's got a crazy style.

00:48:49.000 He fights in his wide stance, and he moves different, and he cracks guys.

00:48:54.000 I'm like, this kid's legit.

00:48:55.000 I'd like to see him in the UFC. I never asked you.

00:48:58.000 There it is.

00:49:00.000 Yeah, that's January of 2013, so it was almost four years ago.

00:49:06.000 I never talked to you about, what did you think of all the talks of a him-Floyd Mayweather fight?

00:49:13.000 He'll fight him.

00:49:15.000 I guarantee you he would fight him.

00:49:16.000 What kind of match do you think that would be?

00:49:18.000 Well, he's a lot bigger than Floyd, first of all.

00:49:20.000 Let's just emphasize that.

00:49:23.000 He's a lot bigger.

00:49:24.000 So it would be a real problem as far as weight cutting.

00:49:28.000 Because if they let Conor fight it wherever he wants, Conor's going to weigh somewhere around 170 pounds.

00:49:33.000 That's what he's at his best, like in his optimum with no weight cutting.

00:49:37.000 I don't think Floyd's that big.

00:49:39.000 I think Floyd, I guarantee you he's probably not more than 160. Do you think Floyd's bigger than 160 in real life?

00:49:48.000 Small dude.

00:49:49.000 He's a small guy.

00:49:50.000 Even in person, he's really short doesn't mean weight, but he's small.

00:49:53.000 What weight did he begin his career at?

00:49:55.000 Floyd Mayweather is a...

00:49:56.000 I mean, I'm a huge Floyd Mayweather fan.

00:49:58.000 And I think when it comes to boxing, I think he's like one of the most skillful boxers that's ever lived.

00:50:03.000 I really do. 0.99

00:50:04.000 Technical as shit. 0.99

00:50:05.000 If not the most. 0.99

00:50:06.000 What's that 150?

00:50:08.000 150. But that's probably what he last fought at.

00:50:11.000 Like, didn't he make, when he fought Canelo, didn't he make him come down a bit?

00:50:16.000 He made him come down at like 154 or something like that?

00:50:18.000 That sounds right.

00:50:19.000 Something like that?

00:50:20.000 That sounds right.

00:50:22.000 They had some sort of a catchweight fight, I remember.

00:50:26.000 And Canelo's fighting at what?

00:50:27.000 He's fighting at 160 now?

00:50:30.000 He's definitely bigger.

00:50:31.000 Or is he fighting at 154?

00:50:32.000 Kanadi Golovkin is 160, right?

00:50:34.000 Is that the holdup as the two of them?

00:50:36.000 Because I feel like Kanell's been fighting mid-weight, too.

00:50:39.000 Like, he fought Koto.

00:50:40.000 What was that at?

00:50:43.000 Wasn't that at middleweight?

00:50:44.000 Or 154?

00:50:45.000 Alvarez catchweight 152. 152. Okay.

00:50:50.000 Yeah, so he made Canelo lose some weight.

00:50:52.000 Because Canelo's a lot bigger than him.

00:50:54.000 Yeah.

00:50:55.000 So Canelo probably walks around maybe 20 pounds heavier than that. 1.00

00:50:59.000 That's a bad motherfucker, too. 1.00

00:51:01.000 Ooh, he's good. 1.00

00:51:01.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:51:02.000 And Floyd Mayweather just boxed him up.

00:51:04.000 What?

00:51:05.000 I'm not there.

00:51:06.000 I'm here.

00:51:06.000 Plop!

00:51:07.000 Oh, look at that!

00:51:08.000 Just beautiful technique.

00:51:10.000 That's the thing you have to wonder.

00:51:12.000 Could Connor's skills, just technical skills, match up to somebody like the counter defense?

00:51:21.000 I can't imagine they would.

00:51:23.000 Unless Mayweather's so out of shape.

00:51:25.000 Yeah.

00:51:26.000 Him, I'm saying on top of his game...

00:51:28.000 Him on top of his game, you're not going to hit him.

00:51:32.000 You have to be really top level to catch him.

00:51:36.000 It's so nuts that that dude is so fast that he boxes with his lead hand down.

00:51:45.000 Not even hip level.

00:51:47.000 Mid thigh sometimes.

00:51:49.000 Well, it's because that forces his shoulder over.

00:51:52.000 It's actually an easier way to block a lot of things if you're skillful with it.

00:51:56.000 He's so quick.

00:51:58.000 He's not just quick, and he's definitely quick.

00:52:01.000 He's very quick.

00:52:01.000 But what Floyd has over almost anyone else, he's got this incredible knowledge of what you're going to do before you do it.

00:52:10.000 He knows so much about boxing, about boxing as a science from his brother, or his father, rather, and his uncle.

00:52:16.000 His uncle's Roger Mayweather, who's the Black Mamba, who's an all-time fucking exciting guy to watch in the 80s and 90s. 1.00

00:52:24.000 He would starch people, man. 0.65

00:52:25.000 Dude, him on those HBO shows, they've never had a better comedy than Roger Mayweather moments.

00:52:31.000 It's the greatest.

00:52:32.000 Oh, you mean In Between Corners?

00:52:34.000 No, when they used to do the...

00:52:35.000 Oh, those 24-7s?

00:52:37.000 Yes, 24-7. 1.00

00:52:38.000 He would fucking massacre those. 1.00

00:52:43.000 The funniest shit I've ever seen. 1.00

00:52:45.000 And they edited him so fucking funny. 0.99

00:52:48.000 One of those fights, they were fighting, maybe it was Alvarez or somebody, and Alvarez was like, we've got to prepare for the floor. 0.92

00:52:53.000 I'm going to watch his fights.

00:52:55.000 And...

00:52:57.000 And I know I'm just going to have the fight of my life on my hands. 0.99

00:53:00.000 And then they cut to Roger Mayweather and he goes, who the fuck is Alvarez? 0.99

00:53:05.000 And they just cut out. 0.98

00:53:07.000 He was pretending he doesn't even know who the guy is.

00:53:12.000 But that really was, you know that that was a big part of the preparation?

00:53:15.000 I don't know if in the end it was, but for a long time, when they would go like, how are you preparing for this fighter? 0.99

00:53:21.000 His answer, and their legit answer was like, they have to prepare for this shit. 0.99

00:53:27.000 We're not preparing for anything. 0.99

00:53:28.000 He better prepare a lot, you know?

00:53:30.000 And that's how they would approach it.

00:53:31.000 Like, we're not studying you. 0.99

00:53:33.000 You need to study this shit right now, because it's going to be bad what happens to you. 0.99

00:53:36.000 It's a good point. 1.00

00:53:38.000 Yeah.

00:53:38.000 It's a good point.

00:53:40.000 You know, Floyd's an interesting guy.

00:53:42.000 He's had his hands broken a bunch of times.

00:53:44.000 Yeah.

00:53:45.000 There's been rumors about fights that he must have had a broken hand in.

00:53:49.000 Well, he has had hands that were broken, and he's still boxed.

00:53:53.000 What does that feel like?

00:53:55.000 He's just got a winner's mentality. 0.98

00:53:57.000 You know, you can talk all the shit you want about that guy because it's fun to talk shit about him because he created this persona, Marty Mayweather, but it's brilliant. 0.98

00:54:04.000 It's a brilliant thing. 0.99

00:54:05.000 What he did is brilliant.

00:54:06.000 He created someone to hate, but is so talented you can't beat him.

00:54:11.000 And you're buying that pay-per-view, which is exactly what he wants.

00:54:14.000 Oh my god, you're hoping.

00:54:14.000 Canelo, please, Canelo.

00:54:18.000 They're hoping Canelo can catch him.

00:54:20.000 Nope.

00:54:21.000 They're hoping Pacquiao can catch him.

00:54:23.000 Everyone.

00:54:23.000 Yeah, you're right.

00:54:24.000 He created the villain.

00:54:25.000 Keep going down the line. 1.00

00:54:26.000 Every fucking guy he's fought, please catch him. 0.99

00:54:29.000 Maybe, you know, you saw what Juan Manuel Marquez, he had a tough fight with Pacquiao. 0.99

00:54:35.000 Shuts them down.

00:54:36.000 And then he'd be like, I got a hundred watches, man. 0.97

00:54:39.000 Shuts them all down. 0.99

00:54:40.000 People, like, they really fucking, I don't hate at all. 0.99

00:54:43.000 I think that it's, uh, sometimes that persona can just get kind of boring. 0.94

00:54:48.000 It's fun.

00:54:49.000 Smart.

00:54:50.000 I'm like, alright, man.

00:54:51.000 Just, I'm saying, like, Instagram, he's like, look at all this money on my bed.

00:54:56.000 And then he'll be like, you know what I'm going to do tonight?

00:54:58.000 I'm going to count it.

00:54:59.000 And then it's just hilarious.

00:55:01.000 It's funny.

00:55:01.000 It's entertaining.

00:55:02.000 But it is like one note.

00:55:03.000 He used to hold bricks of money up to his ear like a phone.

00:55:06.000 Pretend he's talking on the money.

00:55:09.000 Hilarious.

00:55:09.000 Cars.

00:55:11.000 Ridiculous. 1.00

00:55:11.000 They're all white, too. 1.00

00:55:13.000 He's got like Bugattis and shit. 1.00

00:55:15.000 This one they made three of it. 1.00

00:55:18.000 Jesus Christ.

00:55:19.000 Oh my goodness.

00:55:20.000 What is that?

00:55:21.000 $100 million that he got?

00:55:23.000 From what?

00:55:24.000 $100 million.

00:55:24.000 I think it was his purse from one of his fights.

00:55:26.000 That he was a promoter.

00:55:28.000 God, that is so insane!

00:55:30.000 He made a hundred million dollars.

00:55:32.000 Yeah.

00:55:33.000 This is where hippies start going crazy about income inequality.

00:55:36.000 There's the sense.

00:55:38.000 Look at this.

00:55:38.000 He goes, this is just one of my many checks.

00:55:42.000 Gotta love these backseat drivers.

00:55:44.000 So worried about, hey, where are you going?

00:55:47.000 Yeah.

00:55:48.000 Gotta love these backseat drivers so worried about another man's legacy instead of trying to write their own.

00:55:53.000 Ultimately, I will always have the last laugh.

00:55:56.000 This is just one of many checks.

00:55:58.000 A cool $100 million that I still have every dime of.

00:56:03.000 Y'all still have to work, however.

00:56:05.000 I'm happily retired.

00:56:06.000 At the end of the day, it's them Benjamin Franklins that matter to me.

00:56:10.000 So the joke's on you.

00:56:11.000 I've made smart investments.

00:56:13.000 Sorry for those who thought that I couldn't read, write, or count.

00:56:17.000 Here we go.

00:56:18.000 Y'all call them watches, I call them timepieces.

00:56:21.000 Y'all call them boats, I call them yachts.

00:56:23.000 Y'all call them houses, I call them mansions.

00:56:25.000 What does that mean?

00:56:27.000 Y'all charter jets, and we own jets.

00:56:29.000 The money team.

00:56:30.000 There you go.

00:56:32.000 Yeah, I got it.

00:56:33.000 I think he's rich.

00:56:34.000 I think he definitely has money.

00:56:37.000 I think so. 1.00

00:56:38.000 He's made a lot of fucking money. 1.00

00:56:40.000 That's for goddamn sure. 0.99

00:56:41.000 He's excellent at what he does, for sure, across the board. 0.99

00:56:44.000 Yeah.

00:56:44.000 I mean, there's no doubt about it.

00:56:45.000 But he's also, it's funny.

00:56:47.000 And we left out that he's 49-0.

00:56:49.000 Yeah, 49-0.

00:56:50.000 And he's the only guy.

00:56:51.000 He hasn't broken Rocky Marciano's record yet.

00:56:54.000 Right.

00:56:54.000 He's tied it, which is really interesting.

00:56:57.000 Like, I wonder if that's on purpose.

00:56:58.000 I wonder if he doesn't want to break it.

00:57:00.000 Well, I think, to him, the pressure of it going away is the thing that happens, like, as the older you get.

00:57:08.000 Like, you know what I mean?

00:57:09.000 This is a good boxing retirement age for him.

00:57:12.000 And it's like, do you want to do 50?

00:57:14.000 Yes.

00:57:14.000 Well, it's got to be a meaningful 50. You can't find some scrub for 50. And then you start to think about, oh, fuck, like...

00:57:21.000 Yeah, if he was going to fight Pacquiao again, I'm sort of out of the loop. 0.99

00:57:26.000 I wonder what kind of numbers Pacquiao gets on his fights now.

00:57:29.000 I feel like a lot of people are watching.

00:57:31.000 I'm sure he still does pretty well.

00:57:33.000 But he just fought.

00:57:34.000 He did just fight, yeah.

00:57:35.000 I didn't hear any peep about it.

00:57:37.000 Yeah, but who was he fighting?

00:57:39.000 Maybe that's why.

00:57:40.000 He still does.

00:57:41.000 I mean, it's got to be significant numbers still.

00:57:44.000 Yeah, he must, right?

00:57:45.000 Yeah.

00:57:45.000 So that's still a big worthwhile fight.

00:57:47.000 Oh, yeah.

00:57:48.000 He's got a big bankroll.

00:57:49.000 I mean, payroll.

00:57:51.000 Like, apparently...

00:57:52.000 Look at this.

00:57:53.000 Pacquiao-Vargas fight surpassed 300,000 pay-per-view buys.

00:57:56.000 Is Pacquiao made where they're too possible?

00:57:59.000 That's decent.

00:58:00.000 Those are decent pay-per-view buys.

00:58:02.000 300,000.

00:58:03.000 That's pretty good.

00:58:03.000 What do the big fights, like big MMA fights get?

00:58:06.000 I think the big ones are over a million.

00:58:08.000 I think probably the UFC, I don't know if it's been released yet, what UFC 200 got?

00:58:16.000 Or UFC 205, either one of those. 0.71

00:58:19.000 Madison Square Garden was a pretty fucking substantial card. 0.96

00:58:22.000 Yeah. 0.97

00:58:22.000 I would imagine the numbers of that would have been insane. 0.97

00:58:24.000 And it was a Conor McGregor card.

00:58:27.000 I would have to think that that's the biggest card ever.

00:58:29.000 Ever?

00:58:29.000 In terms of pay-per-view buys.

00:58:31.000 Yeah.

00:58:31.000 I would imagine.

00:58:32.000 But I could be wrong because the 200 had Brock Lesnar in it.

00:58:36.000 Ooh, yeah.

00:58:37.000 You know?

00:58:38.000 That's right.

00:58:38.000 And that ended badly a few days later, too, right?

00:58:41.000 Wasn't there a couple of things?

00:58:41.000 It wasn't badly, bro.

00:58:42.000 It was just steroids.

00:58:44.000 It was just steroids.

00:58:46.000 Something got in his fruit punch, bro.

00:58:48.000 Or drink a lot of fruit, bro.

00:58:50.000 Yeah, you never know, man.

00:58:51.000 Tain and supplements.

00:58:52.000 Yeah.

00:58:53.000 That's what we're talking about.

00:58:54.000 Sure.

00:58:54.000 You know, can a guy get that big without some help?

00:58:57.000 I don't know.

00:58:59.000 I do not know.

00:59:00.000 I do not know.

00:59:00.000 But I know those GNC stores, they do really well.

00:59:04.000 They sell a lot of stuff.

00:59:05.000 Yeah.

00:59:05.000 You go to those places.

00:59:07.000 They sell a lot of stuff, man.

00:59:08.000 Any of those bodybuilding supplement stores, you know, there's a lot of stuff that works.

00:59:13.000 Like, there's a reason why people buy that stuff. 0.99

00:59:16.000 But some of it has fucking steroids in it. 0.99

00:59:18.000 And that's why it's working. 0.99

00:59:19.000 And they legit get away with that, huh?

00:59:21.000 Well, they just don't tell you what it is.

00:59:23.000 It's weird, man.

00:59:24.000 Like 15 years ago, one of the first big...

00:59:27.000 I forget the product name or I would say it.

00:59:29.000 It was like the big, like, everyone does this to work out and to lose weight.

00:59:34.000 I forget.

00:59:34.000 It's like I had a big commercial.

00:59:36.000 It was a successful name for the product.

00:59:38.000 And then people just started to drop, you know?

00:59:41.000 Yeah.

00:59:41.000 Like people would die.

00:59:42.000 Yeah.

00:59:43.000 How many years ago are you talking about?

00:59:45.000 I think it's about 15 to 20. So you're talking about rip fuel?

00:59:48.000 One of those.

00:59:50.000 Aphetamine, right?

00:59:50.000 Right.

00:59:51.000 Or ephedrine, rather.

00:59:52.000 Ephedrine, yeah.

00:59:53.000 And then people were...

00:59:54.000 I remember I was taking them 20-some years ago.

00:59:57.000 I thought you were going to say 20 a day.

00:59:59.000 No.

01:00:00.000 But then somebody's like, oh, you're basically taking speed.

01:00:05.000 And you're like, oh.

01:00:07.000 And it took a while to process that that really was one of the key components of what you were taking.

01:00:12.000 Like, you're taking drugs right now, man.

01:00:13.000 You're taking speed, son.

01:00:14.000 Yeah, you're taking speed.

01:00:15.000 And you could feel yourself get geeked out, you know?

01:00:19.000 Heart racing.

01:00:20.000 I took a couple of those and went to jiu-jitsu class once when I was like a white belt. 1.00

01:00:23.000 And I almost had a fucking heart attack. 0.99

01:00:25.000 Yeah, the heart racing. 0.99

01:00:26.000 Like, oh my god, I had to stop.

01:00:27.000 I had to sit down.

01:00:28.000 I was like, what did I do?

01:00:29.000 Yeah.

01:00:29.000 So I was young.

01:00:30.000 I was just starting in jiu-jitsu.

01:00:33.000 And it wasn't like...

01:00:36.000 I mean, I knew what it felt like to roll, but when you take those, I knew something was totally wrong.

01:00:44.000 I had been exhausted before.

01:00:46.000 I know what that felt like.

01:00:48.000 I got exhausted way too quick. 1.00

01:00:49.000 My heart was about to explode in my fucking chest. 1.00

01:00:52.000 I was like, holy shit, I gotta sit down. 1.00

01:00:54.000 Even being like... 1.00

01:00:56.000 Whatever I was, 30 or whatever, 29 or something like that, I still was smart enough to realize this is a stupid idea and I've got to sit down. 0.99

01:01:02.000 Because back then I was really dumb. 0.99

01:01:04.000 I took him before a high school football game. 0.94

01:01:07.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:01:08.000 But the thing is that we had the conversation before, they're like, you're going to fuck people up because of this. 0.85

01:01:12.000 So you have the illusion of what's going on. 0.59

01:01:16.000 Well, maybe that would work, though, with football, because football is not something you would do where you struggle for long periods of time.

01:01:23.000 Right.

01:01:23.000 It's like five, seven plays.

01:01:25.000 Jiu-jitsu gets super exhausting.

01:01:28.000 Sure.

01:01:28.000 Because, like, say if you have sparring rounds, they might be seven minutes long.

01:01:33.000 Sometimes people do nine minutes.

01:01:35.000 Yeah, it sounds really good.

01:01:36.000 Seven minutes was pretty standard. 0.97

01:01:37.000 And so we would set a timer for seven minutes, and then you're basically just going at it with someone who is probably pretty fucking skillful. 0.96

01:01:46.000 Yeah. 0.97

01:01:46.000 You feel like you're going to die. 0.97

01:01:48.000 Yeah, I felt like my heart was literally going to explode.

01:01:51.000 Like something's wrong. 0.97

01:01:52.000 It was like, dude, we're going way too fast right now for no fucking reason. 0.93

01:01:57.000 And I'm like, man, I've got to sit down. 0.95

01:01:58.000 And my heart wouldn't slow down.

01:02:01.000 Normally when you work out, say if you run up a hill, and you put your fingers on your pulse, and you can sit there, and in a few seconds you feel them start to drop, and you look down at your watch, and when you get to 140-ish, you can just start sprinting again.

01:02:14.000 That's what most people like to do.

01:02:15.000 When you're doing interval workouts, I knew I was way over that, and I wasn't coming down.

01:02:20.000 I was like, this is not slowing down. 1.00

01:02:22.000 This is fucked. 1.00

01:02:23.000 And you knew it's what you took. 1.00

01:02:24.000 I knew.

01:02:25.000 I took a bunch. 1.00

01:02:26.000 I'm a fucking retard. 1.00

01:02:29.000 I'm such an extremist. 1.00

01:02:30.000 If it says, like, take two, I'm like, that's two for pussies, so I'll take four. 1.00

01:02:35.000 Especially then. 1.00

01:02:36.000 I was so stupid. 1.00

01:02:39.000 Man, because, you know, yeah, well, it was like doing the competitive martial arts thing when I was young made me like this intense extremist. 1.00

01:02:49.000 Sure.

01:02:49.000 Like, okay, everybody's running two miles.

01:02:51.000 I'm running five.

01:02:52.000 You know, everybody's doing this.

01:02:53.000 I'm doing more.

01:02:53.000 Is that how you do it?

01:02:54.000 Really?

01:02:55.000 There's no other way. 1.00

01:02:56.000 Fuck. 1.00

01:02:56.000 If you want to beat people, you have to work harder than them. 1.00

01:03:00.000 Sure.

01:03:00.000 You can't just rely on what?

01:03:02.000 You're smarter than them?

01:03:02.000 How do you know you're smarter than them?

01:03:03.000 They're probably pretty fucking smart. 0.99

01:03:05.000 Right. 0.99

01:03:05.000 What, are you tougher than them? 0.99

01:03:06.000 They're tough. 1.00

01:03:07.000 They're all fucking black belts. 1.00

01:03:08.000 They're tough. 1.00

01:03:09.000 Like, don't be stupid. 1.00

01:03:10.000 Like, my thought was, don't think so highly of yourself that you don't have to outwork everybody. 1.00

01:03:15.000 Wow.

01:03:15.000 That's good, man.

01:03:16.000 There's no other way.

01:03:16.000 That's a good philosophy.

01:03:17.000 And you can't take days off. 1.00

01:03:19.000 Days off if you're hurt or if you're sore, but you can't fuck off. 1.00

01:03:23.000 Fucking off is bad for your brain. 1.00

01:03:26.000 If you're competing or you're trying to go for something physically, the problem with fucking off is that it messes with your momentum. 1.00

01:03:36.000 It's not just that it messes with your skills, because sometimes you legitimately go, you know what, my body needs a break. 0.90

01:03:42.000 But you know your body needs a break, so you make a conscious decision. 0.99

01:03:45.000 But when you're supposed to work out, you know you should work out, and you fuck off, Your opinion of yourself slips. 0.99

01:03:53.000 Exactly. 0.99

01:03:53.000 It has an effect that goes out beyond just that workout. 0.99

01:03:57.000 Yeah, it fucks with your confidence because it fucks with your conviction.

01:04:00.000 It's why taking care of little things can bleed into taking care of more. 0.55

01:04:07.000 You know what I mean?

01:04:07.000 When you pick up and clean up your room or your car, you're like, now I feel good about the way this looks.

01:04:15.000 That translates, I'm going to go work out today, and I'm going to write, and I'm going to do, like, those things kind of line up together.

01:04:21.000 Yeah, Musashi had some quote about that that I just screenshotted the other day, like a 15-year-old girl.

01:04:27.000 Oh, yeah?

01:04:28.000 Yeah, that's me.

01:04:29.000 I'm one of those screenshot guys.

01:04:31.000 Don't, you know, if you, like, read, here it is.

01:04:33.000 Yeah.

01:04:33.000 Because it's just so interesting.

01:04:35.000 To approach, the approach to combat and everyday life should be the same.

01:04:43.000 The approach to combat and everyday life should be the same.

01:04:47.000 That's intense.

01:04:48.000 That's intense, yeah.

01:04:49.000 It was a little too intense.

01:04:50.000 I have a really interesting one on my Instagram.

01:04:53.000 I don't know if you can pull it up.

01:04:55.000 Is that the guy who touched a girl for the first time, that video?

01:04:57.000 No, but it is a lady with... 1.00

01:05:00.000 It's a holiday one, but it's interesting, you know?

01:05:02.000 Yeah?

01:05:03.000 Yeah.

01:05:03.000 Who's that guy that touched a girl?

01:05:04.000 Did you get permission to put him on your...

01:05:06.000 No.

01:05:07.000 I should probably take down that one that you made me put up.

01:05:10.000 The Christmas one?

01:05:11.000 Yeah.

01:05:12.000 That one's pretty interesting.

01:05:13.000 The one where the girl... 1.00

01:05:14.000 The one that you should...

01:05:15.000 Oh, when you ho-ho-ho it up for Xmas?

01:05:18.000 But I mean, it's interesting.

01:05:19.000 Watch it.

01:05:20.000 Okay.

01:05:21.000 Ah!

01:05:22.000 Yinko-bo! 0.96

01:05:23.000 Yinko-bo! 0.96

01:05:26.000 What are you doing to me?

01:05:28.000 Shut this off.

01:05:29.000 Shut this off.

01:05:31.000 What is wrong with you, Tom? 0.97

01:05:34.000 You and your wife. 1.00

01:05:37.000 First of all, you're both fucking hilarious. 1.00

01:05:38.000 She has his butt. 1.00

01:05:39.000 You guys are both so specific. 0.99

01:05:41.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:05:42.000 You guys have the funniest, silliest fucking show. 1.00

01:05:45.000 Because you're both so specific. 1.00

01:05:47.000 Thanks, yeah.

01:05:48.000 Like, the things that you just decide.

01:05:50.000 Like, you're wearing a shirt.

01:05:50.000 Tom's wearing a shirt that says, just glassin' on it.

01:05:53.000 I'm just glassin'.

01:05:53.000 Glasson, bro.

01:05:54.000 Now, glasson is a term that hunters use when they get up on a ridge and they look for things.

01:05:58.000 So when I saw that, I was like, well, that's weird.

01:06:00.000 Maybe you bought that in some convenience store when you were in Alaska or something like that. 0.85

01:06:05.000 Yeah, this would be a silly, gimmicky shirt to it. 1.00

01:06:08.000 But no, this is a shirt from your fucking podcast. 0.99

01:06:10.000 It is, yeah. 0.99

01:06:11.000 Tell the story.

01:06:12.000 Okay, so every week we get submitted hundreds of emails with links to videos, like that, right?

01:06:22.000 Right.

01:06:22.000 I mean, so many emails.

01:06:24.000 Have you seen this?

01:06:25.000 And the internet's this endless pool of stuff to pull from.

01:06:29.000 And then we have this, our producer, Blue Band.

01:06:31.000 I don't know if you know that.

01:06:32.000 That's our producer's name.

01:06:33.000 Blue Band?

01:06:34.000 Yeah, because it used to be Red Band.

01:06:36.000 There was a Yellow Band for a while.

01:06:37.000 And now there's Blue Band.

01:06:38.000 So...

01:06:39.000 So Blue Band then will go through a lot of this stuff and edit down, let's say, like a five minute YouTube video into like maybe six, 10 to 15 second clips.

01:06:52.000 And so we're just always looking at stuff and it's, you know, a range of things are engaging to us.

01:06:58.000 Well, we got this hunter.

01:07:00.000 His name is Fred.

01:07:02.000 Eichler, I think.

01:07:03.000 Yeah.

01:07:03.000 And he's an avid bow hunter.

01:07:05.000 He hunts with a traditional bow, like a recurve bow.

01:07:09.000 That's right.

01:07:09.000 One of the most prominent recurve bow hunters.

01:07:12.000 Yeah.

01:07:12.000 It's either a recurve bow or it might be a stick bow.

01:07:15.000 What is the difference between a recurve bow versus what you...

01:07:19.000 Power.

01:07:20.000 Power?

01:07:20.000 Accuracy.

01:07:22.000 Efficiency.

01:07:23.000 Technology.

01:07:24.000 Yours is more modern.

01:07:25.000 Yeah, but in his side, feel.

01:07:28.000 There's like a feel, and if you get really good with one of those things, it becomes apparently very addicted to shoot, because people who like recurves, they like shooting at targets, it's an instinctive thing.

01:07:38.000 So you have to shoot a bunch of arrows to kind of know where the arrow is going.

01:07:43.000 And you shoot differently too because you don't really hold it very long.

01:07:47.000 You kind of draw it back and then they let it go pretty quickly.

01:07:51.000 Whereas a compound bow, the whole idea of a compound bow is there's an extreme amount of force that's exhibited in the beginning.

01:07:58.000 Or it's expressed through the cams and through the limbs.

01:08:01.000 Right.

01:08:01.000 But then as a cam turns over, it gets easier because of leverage.

01:08:04.000 So I don't understand.

01:08:06.000 So the resistance starts when you kind of start.

01:08:08.000 The beginning, there's massive resistance, and then there's a big let-off at the end.

01:08:11.000 So my bow takes 84 pounds to pull back, but at the end of it, it's easy to hold.

01:08:18.000 And what's the difference?

01:08:19.000 His would go hard the whole way?

01:08:21.000 His is hard the whole way.

01:08:23.000 However hard it is, it's hard the whole way.

01:08:25.000 And it actually gets more difficult as you pull back instead of less difficult.

01:08:28.000 Wow.

01:08:29.000 So it's the opposite of a compound bow.

01:08:31.000 So the compound bow, it's difficult to pull in the beginning, and then the cams settle in.

01:08:35.000 Oops! 0.78

01:08:35.000 The cams settle in. 0.78

01:08:37.000 It's beautiful.

01:08:38.000 You can just hold it there.

01:08:39.000 Like if you're waiting on something.

01:08:40.000 You could hold it there, but it's just super hard to hold one of those stick bows.

01:08:44.000 Because you're pulling, like, really, the end of it is as hard as you can get it.

01:08:48.000 You know, and it's basically, it pulls back and forth depending upon, like, how much pressure you put on it.

01:08:54.000 You can pull it more if you're stronger, or if you're weaker, you can only get to a certain point.

01:08:58.000 Sounds like you have to train to shoot with this thing.

01:09:00.000 Well, it depends on...

01:09:01.000 No.

01:09:01.000 Most of the time, no.

01:09:02.000 Because most of them are fairly weak.

01:09:04.000 But, like, you can make them, like, really powerful.

01:09:08.000 You can make them...

01:09:09.000 I mean, if you had a recurve bow in particular, like the Mongols, apparently, according to Dan Carlin, that hardcore history guy...

01:09:15.000 Yeah.

01:09:15.000 Who's awesome.

01:09:17.000 He said their bows were 160 pounds to pull back.

01:09:20.000 Whoa.

01:09:20.000 Which is crazy.

01:09:21.000 Yeah.

01:09:22.000 I mean, it's like doing...

01:09:23.000 That's so...

01:09:24.000 Like, it's...

01:09:25.000 What you're essentially doing is...

01:09:27.000 You're doing like an 80-pound push and an 80-pound pull at the same time.

01:09:32.000 It's a lot.

01:09:33.000 To be able to do that a lot of times in a row, it's way harder than doing that with a compound bow.

01:09:38.000 Because a compound bow is just a little difficult and then easy.

01:09:41.000 And this is what, who would have these 160-pound ones?

01:09:44.000 The Mongols did. 0.98

01:09:45.000 This is, you know, 1200s, somewhere around then.

01:09:48.000 That was technology back then because they figured out a recurve bow is this crazy bow that the way it's designed, if you see a recurve bow that's not strong, it doesn't even look like it would work.

01:09:59.000 Yeah.

01:10:00.000 Like, have you ever seen what they look like?

01:10:02.000 I saw it in this guy's video.

01:10:04.000 Yeah.

01:10:04.000 This Fred Eichler guy probably, I don't even think he had a recurve bow.

01:10:07.000 On this hunt?

01:10:08.000 No.

01:10:08.000 I think he shoots with what they call a stick bow, which is the most primitive kind.

01:10:11.000 I think I read in his bio, recurve.

01:10:14.000 Could be a recurve.

01:10:15.000 I bet he's got a bunch of different ones.

01:10:16.000 Yeah.

01:10:17.000 Hoyt Buffalo bow recurve.

01:10:19.000 Is that what he shoots?

01:10:19.000 I think so, yeah.

01:10:20.000 With?

01:10:20.000 Okay.

01:10:21.000 See if you can show a picture of one without the string.

01:10:26.000 Because they're so weird looking.

01:10:27.000 Or, you know what?

01:10:28.000 Just see if you could find a picture of the Mongol bows.

01:10:31.000 Because those are the first ones, I think somewhere in that time of the world, was the first ones when people had figured out how to make a recurve bow.

01:10:41.000 See, that's what the top looks like without the string.

01:10:44.000 And it's gonna go back to the shape where you see on the bottom, in the same position.

01:10:48.000 See where it is?

01:10:49.000 So it's totally bent the other way.

01:10:50.000 So because of that, it stores up all this extra energy, because you're pulling so far back, and it has this tremendous snapping effect when you let go of the string.

01:11:00.000 It's pretty dope.

01:11:01.000 I mean, they're incredibly smart for figuring this out.

01:11:05.000 And then to make them unbelievably tough.

01:11:08.000 See, that's what it looks like, unstrung.

01:11:10.000 Yeah.

01:11:11.000 And make them so tough that you can pull it all the way back the other way. 1.00

01:11:14.000 Like, they had to figure this shit out. 0.97

01:11:16.000 They had to use a bunch of different materials. 0.99

01:11:18.000 Imagine the force that that comes out with.

01:11:19.000 Incredible force.

01:11:20.000 Yeah.

01:11:20.000 And that's still not as fast as probably a modern-day compound bow.

01:11:24.000 Yeah.

01:11:25.000 And also not that consistent, because they didn't have scales.

01:11:28.000 Got to be a lot of accidents, too.

01:11:30.000 Yeah.

01:11:30.000 The arrows were all probably very inconsistent.

01:11:33.000 Yeah.

01:11:33.000 Because, like, you're making your own broadheads.

01:11:36.000 Some of them might be a little heavier than others.

01:11:38.000 It's not a factory mass producing them.

01:11:41.000 Yeah, now they're making arrows out of, like, aluminum and carbon fiber cores.

01:11:45.000 And they have, like, a very, like, you know, you buy these arrows from, like, Easton or one of, like, the top-level companies that make arrows.

01:11:52.000 They have, like, the super high tolerance levels for, like, each one of the arrows that leaves their factory.

01:11:59.000 They're super straight. 0.99

01:12:00.000 They spin them and shit and make sure that everything's good. 0.98

01:12:02.000 Yeah, no, it's incredible how that technology evolved. 0.94

01:12:08.000 Yeah, so there's a lot of these guys, like this guy you're talking about, the Glasson guy, he still uses one of those primitive boats, but he's just so good, he can get away with it.

01:12:15.000 It says, I mean, his bio is incredible, but in this video, it starts with him. 0.95

01:12:21.000 He shoots a moose, and it drops quick, and he fucking comes close to coming in his pants, right? 0.97

01:12:29.000 Like, he makes a sound that you don't even, you can't, he goes... 0.99

01:12:33.000 Can you show it to us?

01:12:36.000 Yeah.

01:12:37.000 Are you allowed to play it online?

01:12:39.000 Did you get pulled from anything, from playing it on YouTube?

01:12:42.000 No.

01:12:42.000 And we also play, I mean...

01:12:45.000 The audio is what's incredible, but then he starts talking about glassing, and he's like, we were just coming around the meadow, we were just glassing, and then we were like, let's glass, let's glass, and he keeps going, glass, glass, glass, glass, which is looking through binoculars, which we discovered,

01:13:00.000 but then we played it so much People, like, I would post a picture of myself, like, I'm about to go on stage, and they're like, are you glassing?

01:13:08.000 And, like, or, you know, like, if you talk to somebody, like, what'd you do today?

01:13:11.000 I'm like, oh, I hung out, and they're like, glassing?

01:13:13.000 And you're like, yeah.

01:13:14.000 So then it morphed into meaning, like, just chilling.

01:13:16.000 Chilling?

01:13:16.000 Yeah.

01:13:17.000 And, I don't know, it just kind of, it picked up from there.

01:13:19.000 You guys have so many of these, though.

01:13:21.000 I always have to ask you, okay, what's the deal with jeans?

01:13:23.000 Yeah.

01:13:23.000 Like...

01:13:24.000 I know, it's so stupid. 0.99

01:13:25.000 Everybody's calling everybody Jeans. 1.00

01:13:27.000 Like when you guys were on and you had to explain it to me, it was fucking hilarious.

01:13:30.000 Do you know what the latest thing is with that?

01:13:32.000 First, we had an electrician over at the house and whenever you're in the house, you know, you call your spouse, I'd be like, Jeans, do you know?

01:13:39.000 Because that's what I call her.

01:13:40.000 So then she walked down the stairs and he goes, Jeans, would you like me to put the...

01:13:45.000 And we just let it go.

01:13:46.000 We called her Jeans.

01:13:48.000 But then we started going to Starbucks and ordering our drinks. 0.99

01:13:52.000 It's just like a stupid thing that we told our listeners we do. 0.67

01:13:56.000 We do this regularly just to amuse ourselves, which is we'll call them jeans and then say, thank you, mommy, or I love you, mommy, at the end. 0.96

01:14:05.000 And no one ever...

01:14:07.000 The order happens so fast and it's so programmed that they never catch, they never say, like, what did you say?

01:14:12.000 So when I pull up...

01:14:15.000 Like, welcome to Starbucks.

01:14:17.000 What can I get for you?

01:14:18.000 I'll be like, hey, Jeans, I want to get an iced coffee, extra ice, and what do you want?

01:14:24.000 A double toss or a latte.

01:14:25.000 Okay, that'll be $6.70.

01:14:27.000 I'm like, thanks, Mommy.

01:14:28.000 And then I just pull up.

01:14:29.000 So we told them we did that.

01:14:30.000 People sent us videos of them doing it. 0.95

01:14:33.000 Fucking hilarious. 0.98

01:14:35.000 Like... 0.98

01:14:36.000 A guy was talking to a bill play place, and he's like, hey, mommy, I don't understand what this bill means.

01:14:42.000 And the other guy's like, yeah, so that first section, they don't even address that you're calling someone mommy or jeans or saying thank you, mommy, or I love you, mommy.

01:14:50.000 They're like, okay, have a good day.

01:14:52.000 It speaks more to almost how pre-programmed customer service becomes. 0.95

01:14:56.000 They're not even acknowledging that you're saying something ridiculous to them. 0.91

01:15:01.000 No. 0.94

01:15:01.000 No, they're not. 0.94

01:15:02.000 It's hilarious.

01:15:03.000 Yeah.

01:15:04.000 But also, what do you say when someone says something like that to you?

01:15:07.000 You're so scrambled.

01:15:09.000 I think so, yeah.

01:15:10.000 Because it doesn't make any sense.

01:15:11.000 It started off not making any sense, but then it picked up and made a lot of sense.

01:15:15.000 It's like, well, clearly you can talk English.

01:15:17.000 Right.

01:15:17.000 And then it gets to the end, it calls you mommy, and you're like, whoa, what happened?

01:15:20.000 What happened?

01:15:20.000 One time we called the Renaissance in Cincinnati.

01:15:23.000 The hotel?

01:15:24.000 The hotel, because the year before, a few months before my son was born, we were there for a wedding, and Christina had like a 30-second fart.

01:15:35.000 She was very pregnant.

01:15:38.000 We came back, and we talked about it, and we decided it deserved its own name, so it's called the Cincinnati Fart.

01:15:44.000 Oh, Jesus.

01:15:44.000 And we figured out what room number we were in, and we called the hotel, and I go...

01:15:52.000 Can I help you?

01:15:53.000 I go, I want a book.

01:15:54.000 I want to stay there, but I want to commemorate the Cincinnati fart. 0.98

01:15:59.000 And she goes, I'm sorry, what was that?

01:16:01.000 And I go, I want to stay in this room.

01:16:03.000 I think it's room 618 because the Cincinnati fart happened there. 0.68

01:16:06.000 And she goes, I'm just having a little trouble.

01:16:08.000 What was that?

01:16:11.000 The what?

01:16:11.000 And I'm like, the Cincinnati fart?

01:16:13.000 And she's like, can you spell it for me?

01:16:15.000 And I go, yeah, F-A-R-T. And she stayed professional.

01:16:20.000 Like, she was like, oh, okay.

01:16:22.000 I'll see what I can do.

01:16:23.000 Well, she has to.

01:16:24.000 Yeah.

01:16:24.000 You probably have cameras on you.

01:16:26.000 Organic renaissance?

01:16:27.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:16:27.000 You can't go, what the fuck are you talking about? 1.00

01:16:29.000 Why are you wasting my time? 0.99

01:16:30.000 Well, I did have a flooring guy.

01:16:33.000 I go, can you do this floor for me?

01:16:37.000 And he's like, I can send you some samples.

01:16:39.000 And I go, great.

01:16:40.000 He goes, who do I send it to?

01:16:41.000 I go, it's your mom's house.

01:16:43.000 Mm-hmm.

01:16:43.000 And he was like, what was that?

01:16:45.000 And I go, your mom's house?

01:16:46.000 He goes, my mom's house.

01:16:47.000 I go, no, that's the name of our company.

01:16:50.000 Your mom's house.

01:16:51.000 And I go, yeah.

01:16:53.000 And he was like, all right, you have a good day.

01:16:54.000 And he hung up the phone.

01:16:55.000 And I go, okay.

01:16:57.000 Like, I wasn't trying to...

01:16:59.000 For him, it was a totally normal...

01:17:00.000 I wasn't trying to be funny.

01:17:01.000 I go, no, that's the name of the company.

01:17:03.000 He didn't want to listen.

01:17:03.000 He was like, okay.

01:17:04.000 Okay, you have a good day.

01:17:06.000 Wow.

01:17:06.000 Yeah, I go, okay.

01:17:07.000 Did you try...

01:17:08.000 You let him hang, though.

01:17:09.000 You should have said, it's actually the name of a podcast we have.

01:17:11.000 It's called Your Mom's House.

01:17:12.000 We tried to explain it, but he was...

01:17:13.000 You can go look it up on iTunes.

01:17:14.000 It's very popular.

01:17:15.000 He was pretty quick with, like, this is a joke.

01:17:18.000 And I go, okay.

01:17:19.000 He grew up with a lot of your mom jokes.

01:17:21.000 Yeah, he did.

01:17:22.000 He's not buying it.

01:17:23.000 Not buying it.

01:17:24.000 Seems like a guy that just didn't get it.

01:17:28.000 Can you play Fred?

01:17:29.000 Will you play his audio?

01:17:30.000 The glassing guy?

01:17:32.000 Yeah.

01:17:33.000 Do you have it on your thing?

01:17:35.000 Oh, it's on YouTube.

01:17:36.000 Okay, what is the name of the video?

01:17:38.000 It's called...

01:17:39.000 See how it's saved on his phone?

01:17:42.000 I'll tell you.

01:17:43.000 Give me one moment.

01:17:44.000 Tom Segura at the Ice House.

01:17:46.000 Tonight, sold out.

01:17:48.000 I'm doing Don Marrera's show tonight.

01:17:50.000 And you're at the Ice House.

01:17:51.000 At the Laugh Factory.

01:17:52.000 Tomorrow.

01:17:53.000 With Duncan Trussell and Tony Hinchcliffe.

01:17:57.000 Do-do-do.

01:17:58.000 Got a couple of...

01:17:59.000 This should be it.

01:18:03.000 Okay, crank it up.

01:18:05.000 Okay, that looks like a compound bow.

01:18:08.000 Really?

01:18:08.000 Yeah, let's see.

01:18:11.000 Couldn't tell.

01:18:12.000 It was moving really quick.

01:18:13.000 Yeah, that's a compound bow.

01:18:15.000 See the cams at the top of the bow?

01:18:17.000 That's not a primitive bow at all.

01:18:19.000 That's a super modern bow.

01:18:24.000 But this dude knows how to do this.

01:18:26.000 Oh yeah, he's a professional bowhunter.

01:18:28.000 I've seen this guy on TV a ton of times.

01:18:29.000 Really?

01:18:30.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:18:31.000 He's got a TV show that I watch.

01:18:33.000 Dude, if you go over to my house, you'd think I'm a crazy person.

01:18:37.000 You changed your profile pic. 0.91

01:18:40.000 Yeah, it's a silly picture of me with a camera on my face hiding in the trees.

01:18:43.000 I'm trying to make sure this is the right video.

01:18:45.000 I'm looking.

01:18:46.000 As we're going through the trees, every once in a while I stop and I can still see the moose through the trees.

01:18:51.000 I know When does it get good?

01:18:54.000 That's what I'm...

01:18:54.000 It's archery...

01:18:55.000 Is this it?

01:18:56.000 Archery moves down?

01:18:57.000 Oh, it's coming up.

01:18:59.000 Yeah, there you go.

01:19:01.000 Go there.

01:19:02.000 Here we go.

01:19:03.000 Okay, it's about to get good.

01:19:05.000 So you get the full shot. 1.00

01:19:06.000 Oh, shit! 1.00

01:19:08.000 Wait. 1.00

01:19:12.000 It's a countdown to getting real funny.

01:19:14.000 I just smoked her.

01:19:15.000 She's gonna go down.

01:19:16.000 Watch her.

01:19:17.000 Watch her.

01:19:18.000 She's gonna go down.

01:19:20.000 I put a muzzy right through her line. 1.00

01:19:22.000 Jesus.

01:19:23.000 I know, it's intense.

01:19:24.000 I don't like this part.

01:19:25.000 No way.

01:19:32.000 Yes!

01:19:33.000 Have you ever seen a moose go down that quick?

01:19:36.000 Holy cow! 0.96

01:19:38.000 Holy cow is right.

01:19:39.000 That is awesome.

01:19:41.000 We got out here early, boy.

01:19:43.000 Look at the meadow.

01:19:45.000 This is why, this is why we came up here.

01:19:48.000 We've been slipping along this big, huge meadow.

01:19:52.000 Big, long, tall meadow.

01:19:53.000 We've been slipping along here, just glassing, just glassing, glassing.

01:19:58.000 And all of a sudden, really, I didn't even have, I didn't even put my head in it on.

01:20:02.000 I'm like, ah, we're just glassing these big, huge meadows.

01:20:04.000 Let's just keep going.

01:20:05.000 Let's glass.

01:20:06.000 Let's glass.

01:20:07.000 Let's glass.

01:20:08.000 I'm glassing.

01:20:08.000 I'm like, holy smokes.

01:20:10.000 I got a moose.

01:20:11.000 I got a moose.

01:20:12.000 And I'm like, oh, man, it's a bull.

01:20:13.000 It's a bull.

01:20:14.000 And I'm like, no, it's a cow.

01:20:16.000 We got a cow right there. 1.00

01:20:17.000 That was unbelievable.

01:20:19.000 We came right around this tree.

01:20:21.000 Is a cow more significant than a bull?

01:20:24.000 No.

01:20:25.000 No, unless he only had a tag for a cow.

01:20:28.000 Oh.

01:20:28.000 Depends on why he shot a cow, not a bull.

01:20:32.000 Sometimes it depends on the unit.

01:20:34.000 Depends on how many cows they have versus how many bulls they have. 0.93

01:20:37.000 They might want people to kill cows. 1.00

01:20:39.000 They probably want a certain amount of cows to be killed a year. 0.99

01:20:43.000 They have weird...

01:20:44.000 Who decides that?

01:20:45.000 Yeah, it's Fish and Game Department.

01:20:46.000 They go, we have too many of those.

01:20:48.000 Depends entirely on where you are.

01:20:49.000 Depends entirely on what part of the world you're in.

01:20:52.000 And then do you report it?

01:20:53.000 Yep.

01:20:53.000 You tag an animal.

01:20:57.000 Like I say, if you shoot a moose.

01:20:58.000 That's a moose.

01:21:00.000 This one I shot in British Columbia.

01:21:02.000 Really?

01:21:02.000 Yeah.

01:21:04.000 And you have a tag, and you take that, you know, you have to pay for it, and they allot a certain amount of them.

01:21:10.000 Some places they have what's called over-the-counter, which means they just have, it's just kind of open to anybody who wants to pay for the hunting fee and pay for the tag fee, to some species, like particularly pigs.

01:21:20.000 What'd you shoot that with?

01:21:21.000 That was with a rifle.

01:21:22.000 Really?

01:21:23.000 Yep.

01:21:24.000 Were you glassing before?

01:21:26.000 We did a little glassing.

01:21:27.000 No, that was like four solid days of hunting with no luck, and then we were literally driving down this road, and off the side of the road, 70 yards away, was a moose.

01:21:40.000 It was so crazy.

01:21:41.000 It happened so fast.

01:21:42.000 We stopped the truck.

01:21:43.000 The moose looked up.

01:21:44.000 He didn't know what we were.

01:21:45.000 I put a shell. 0.94

01:21:47.000 I put a bullet in the chamber. 0.61

01:21:50.000 Pushed the bolt in. 0.66

01:21:52.000 Took the safety off.

01:21:54.000 I'm like, do I have time to lean against anything?

01:21:56.000 I didn't have time to lean against anything.

01:21:57.000 I just held it up freehand.

01:21:58.000 Because he was only about 65, 70 yards away.

01:22:02.000 He was really close.

01:22:02.000 It was so close.

01:22:03.000 I knew I could make the shot.

01:22:05.000 And boom. 0.96

01:22:06.000 Boom.

01:22:06.000 And then down immediately?

01:22:07.000 He was down immediately.

01:22:09.000 Wow.

01:22:10.000 It's a weird feeling, man.

01:22:12.000 It's a weird feeling.

01:22:13.000 Yeah, I'll be honest.

01:22:14.000 I don't do what that guy does.

01:22:16.000 But part of you gets pumped.

01:22:19.000 Part of you gets excited.

01:22:20.000 But I don't act like that guy.

01:22:22.000 That guy seems a little theatrical.

01:22:24.000 But I mean, I'm not him personally.

01:22:27.000 But for him, maybe that's just how he reacts.

01:22:28.000 That's how he reacts.

01:22:29.000 He was very excited.

01:22:31.000 Yeah.

01:22:31.000 Very excited.

01:22:32.000 Which I understand.

01:22:33.000 It's not easy to do, especially with a bow and arrow.

01:22:36.000 It's very difficult to do.

01:22:37.000 I will say, I do feel this thing where I'm not an anti-hunting guy at all, but man, it's hard to watch the animal fall apart.

01:22:47.000 I don't like it.

01:22:48.000 Yeah, it's hard to watch anything die.

01:22:50.000 Yeah.

01:22:50.000 It's not fun.

01:22:51.000 And it's one of the problems that we have with eating meat in this country is that we don't watch the animals die.

01:22:55.000 Of course.

01:22:55.000 It totally affects you.

01:22:57.000 I went to a slaughterhouse once.

01:22:58.000 Woo, me too.

01:22:59.000 When I was a teenager, though.

01:23:00.000 Oh, really?

01:23:00.000 Yeah.

01:23:01.000 How long did it stop you from eating meat?

01:23:03.000 No, a few hours at night. 1.00

01:23:05.000 But it still was one of those images that you're like, fuck me. 0.99

01:23:09.000 We filmed Fear Factor in a slaughterhouse once, and you could feel it. 0.99

01:23:13.000 You could feel it in the building.

01:23:14.000 I mean, maybe it's just my head, but it didn't feel like it.

01:23:17.000 It felt like a dull hum of death everywhere you were.

01:23:22.000 There was almost like an ambient sound that you could pick up.

01:23:25.000 I remember the floors.

01:23:26.000 We had rain boots on.

01:23:27.000 You could walk around, and there's just so much fluid, so much blood, guts, pieces of things. 1.00

01:23:36.000 Fuck, man. 1.00

01:23:37.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:23:38.000 It makes you really understand what the fuck you're looking at. 0.99

01:23:41.000 It definitely could deter you. 0.98

01:23:44.000 I mean, like I said, I was a young teenager and I still hate me, but I think I definitely would be harder as I'm older.

01:23:52.000 This is something I've considered.

01:23:55.000 Do you think that if you took kids at an early age to a slaughterhouse, What percentage of them would continue to eat meat?

01:24:01.000 You'd lose a significant number of them, right?

01:24:03.000 I think that's very interesting, yeah.

01:24:04.000 So children probably shouldn't be exposed to something that horrific, some would argue, right?

01:24:09.000 That's a good argument.

01:24:11.000 Maybe children don't need to see an animal get a piston through its head and get hung up by its ankles and gutted it.

01:24:17.000 But guess what? 1.00

01:24:18.000 Kids that grow up on farms, they see that shit. 1.00

01:24:20.000 True. 1.00

01:24:20.000 Kids that grow up in hunting families, they see that shit. 1.00

01:24:23.000 And it doesn't seem to bother them that much. 1.00

01:24:25.000 Yeah.

01:24:26.000 I think when kids don't see something like that and then they see it, then it really fucks them up.

01:24:32.000 When we shot this elk in Tohono Ranch, when they were taking the elk apart, we were cutting the quarters off and doing all this stuff.

01:24:41.000 This one guy, his wife and his little girl came to watch.

01:24:47.000 And one of the things she said, this elk was lying down on the ground dead.

01:24:51.000 She's like, is he sleepy?

01:24:52.000 Yeah.

01:24:53.000 Yeah.

01:24:54.000 She's, like, two.

01:24:55.000 Mm-hmm.

01:24:55.000 You know, she's a tiny little girl.

01:24:57.000 She's, like, probably barely talking.

01:24:59.000 She's like, is he sleepy?

01:25:00.000 Yeah.

01:25:01.000 And the mom was like, no, he's dead.

01:25:04.000 She told her.

01:25:05.000 Yeah.

01:25:06.000 Yeah.

01:25:07.000 Yeah.

01:25:07.000 I think it changed your perspective if you do what you do, for sure.

01:25:10.000 If you kill and eat what you killed, I think that changed your perspective on it.

01:25:15.000 Well, I don't think people have to do it.

01:25:16.000 I'm not one of those people that think that people have to do it, but I do think...

01:25:23.000 You did this and then you used its meat for something.

01:25:26.000 It's totally different.

01:25:27.000 It's a totally different feel when you eat it.

01:25:29.000 And I'm not one of those people that doesn't think you should be able to get meat at a supermarket.

01:25:33.000 I think you should.

01:25:34.000 But I think there's definitely something weird about not knowing how that animal died.

01:25:40.000 That's not normal.

01:25:42.000 It's like our brains, the way we formulate ideas, A lot of it is based around experience, right?

01:25:51.000 And the experience, like if you're eating a piece of meat, or if you're even eating fruits or vegetables for that matter, You'll understand that experience better if you go through the whole process.

01:26:03.000 Like if you're there when the plants are growing, maybe help water them, maybe pick them, maybe cut them up and serve them, and then you're eating them. 0.78

01:26:10.000 Having a garden is a fucking cool thing. 0.96

01:26:12.000 It's a cool thing. 0.98

01:26:13.000 It gives you some weird thankfulness, which I think is one of the things that's a problem with people today, is that things come so easy to us that we don't have obstacles to overcome.

01:26:24.000 And we're not super thankful for the super easy life that we have.

01:26:28.000 Totally.

01:26:28.000 We think of it as being like, yeah, it's just what it is, man.

01:26:31.000 Traveling somewhere poor will give you perspective on that for sure.

01:26:34.000 Oh, I'd imagine.

01:26:36.000 Yeah, going to like a really poor place.

01:26:38.000 You'll definitely rethink, you know, calling over the waiter.

01:26:43.000 Jamie, who was it that was telling us?

01:26:45.000 Yeah.

01:26:45.000 Who was it that was telling us that they landed in the Congo and they were in the, they landed in the wrong spot?

01:26:52.000 Who the fuck was that? 0.99

01:26:54.000 Was that Tom Papa? 1.00

01:26:55.000 It might have been Tom Papa.

01:26:57.000 It was Tom Papa, right?

01:26:58.000 They were on safari and emergency land.

01:27:01.000 Yeah, they're ballooned. 1.00

01:27:03.000 They went up in a balloon like assholes. 1.00

01:27:07.000 Tom Papa's awesome. 1.00

01:27:08.000 He's really funny.

01:27:09.000 He's a funny dude.

01:27:10.000 He's great on podcasts too, man.

01:27:12.000 He's such an elegant dance partner for a conversation.

01:27:16.000 You're totally right.

01:27:17.000 But he's got an amazing story about how they were upping this balloon.

01:27:21.000 It was Tom Papa, right?

01:27:22.000 Have you done his live show, by the way?

01:27:23.000 Totally sure.

01:27:24.000 Have you done his live show?

01:27:25.000 His live show?

01:27:26.000 What is it?

01:27:26.000 Tom Papa and Friends.

01:27:27.000 Was it a podcast?

01:27:28.000 No, it's a live, scripted, like a 1930s radio show.

01:27:34.000 What?

01:27:35.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:27:35.000 Where does he do it out of?

01:27:36.000 Largo. 1.00

01:27:37.000 No shit. 1.00

01:27:38.000 It's fucking fun. 1.00

01:27:38.000 I've been on it a few times. 1.00

01:27:40.000 What he does is he comes out, there's a fucking band that plays, like throwback kind of music, and then he hosts it like a radio show. 0.78

01:27:51.000 And then there's a theme, there's stories, and in between these sketches with live actors, like you have a script and you read in front of an audience, stand up in between. 0.81

01:28:00.000 Does he have his own podcast?

01:28:02.000 Yeah, I think so.

01:28:03.000 What is Tom Papa's podcast?

01:28:04.000 For sure.

01:28:06.000 How do I not know this answer?

01:28:08.000 Because I knew...

01:28:10.000 Did he used to do one with somebody?

01:28:13.000 He may have.

01:28:15.000 Come to Pop.

01:28:16.000 That's right.

01:28:17.000 That's right.

01:28:17.000 It's on iTunes, the whole deal?

01:28:19.000 That was a really good comic, too.

01:28:22.000 Yeah, he's a very funny guy.

01:28:23.000 He just has a special that just came out on Epix.

01:28:25.000 Did it come out already yet, right?

01:28:27.000 Didn't it come out last weekend or something?

01:28:29.000 It's recent.

01:28:31.000 It's got to be, what, third, fourth, fifth of his?

01:28:34.000 Probably.

01:28:34.000 He's had a few.

01:28:36.000 Do you ever talk to him about sourdough bread?

01:28:38.000 Sourdough bread?

01:28:39.000 No.

01:28:39.000 You'll get lost for hours.

01:28:41.000 Really?

01:28:41.000 He's a sourdough wizard.

01:28:43.000 He knows all about it.

01:28:44.000 He can make you sourdough bread.

01:28:45.000 He'll judge your bread.

01:28:46.000 You make him some bread and he's like, hmm, good try, but here's what's wrong.

01:28:51.000 I love that quality.

01:28:54.000 I feel like there's so much of that in comics. 0.99

01:28:56.000 It's one of my favorite attributes about comedians where you're like, this guy's a fucking hockey fanatic. 1.00

01:29:01.000 He will punch you in the face if you say anything. 1.00

01:29:04.000 You know what I mean? 0.98

01:29:04.000 Like they have their little fanaticism. 0.98

01:29:06.000 Yeah, for sure.

01:29:08.000 That's...

01:29:09.000 Look, that's his bread.

01:29:10.000 Does it get any better than that?

01:29:11.000 Oh my god!

01:29:12.000 Am I in a bakery?

01:29:14.000 Am I in France?

01:29:15.000 Am I in a bakery?

01:29:17.000 No.

01:29:18.000 I'm just baking bread.

01:29:22.000 It's awesome.

01:29:23.000 It's so cool.

01:29:24.000 Yeah, I mean, that looks really good. 0.90

01:29:26.000 That bread looks fucking sensational.

01:29:28.000 Dude, there was one time I learned, I went to a French cooking class a few, like, six, seven years ago, and I learned a very basic but, you know, a little more sophisticated way to make chocolate souffle. 0.97

01:29:41.000 You know, like the hot lava where you crack, and there's a certain way.

01:29:44.000 You have to learn the temperature of your oven.

01:29:47.000 Like, the real way it works is to make multiples because...

01:29:51.000 It might say 300, but it cooks it in 17 minutes, but at my house, 300 cooks it in 22 minutes, right?

01:29:59.000 Because different ovens are actually performing at a different level.

01:30:04.000 The heat is not necessarily what it says.

01:30:07.000 And you would learn how to mix and season the ramekin and all that.

01:30:10.000 What's the range you could error in?

01:30:12.000 Well, the thing is, I think most people would agree that you want the souffle to have a crack.

01:30:18.000 You almost want it to be a crumble, like it breaks through the top.

01:30:21.000 Yeah.

01:30:22.000 But the middle stays a sort of three-quarters type of ooze, softness, you know?

01:30:30.000 So you don't want it to bake fully because then you have a cake, basically, right?

01:30:34.000 And if you go under, then it could be like too gooey.

01:30:37.000 You want like that kind of down the middle.

01:30:40.000 Oh, I see what you're doing, dude.

01:30:41.000 You know Bert Kreischer's gonna hear this podcast, he's gonna hear this souffle talk, and he's gonna go off like a rocket.

01:30:46.000 No.

01:30:46.000 I know what you're doing.

01:30:47.000 Not at all.

01:30:48.000 I can't believe you would use my podcast like that.

01:30:50.000 I would never do something like that.

01:30:51.000 Dude, that's what you just did.

01:30:52.000 You've never done this before.

01:30:53.000 You've never had the scent. 1.00

01:30:54.000 I want a fucking chocolate souffle now. 1.00

01:30:57.000 They're incredible. 0.99

01:30:58.000 Do you want vanilla ice cream with yours?

01:30:59.000 Absolutely.

01:31:00.000 Have to.

01:31:01.000 And you have to let your server know these things take 20 minutes or more.

01:31:05.000 Yeah, they always tell you if a fancy schmancy place, like if you go to Morton's.

01:31:08.000 Give us a heads up.

01:31:09.000 If you want the chocolate souffle, let us know now.

01:31:13.000 Dude, when I learned that recipe, I made about 30 in two weeks.

01:31:17.000 Wow.

01:31:18.000 Yeah, I think I put on about 30 pounds in those two weeks.

01:31:21.000 So, yeah, definitely.

01:31:24.000 Do you now, when you're trying to lose weight for this competition, do you now look at this like, this is the new Tom Segura, I'm just going to eat healthy and lose all this weight, or do you go, I'm just going to beat Bert Kreischer, and then I'm going to go off like a rocket.

01:31:38.000 No, I feel like it becomes a little bit addictive when you start seeing some results.

01:31:44.000 It kind of reminds me of saving money.

01:31:47.000 You're addicted to success.

01:31:48.000 When you save money and you see the number go up, and I'm talking even when you're not making a lot of money, you go, I want to save this amount of money.

01:31:56.000 Sometimes you'll surpass it, and you'll be like, I don't even care about the thing I thought I was saving money for.

01:32:01.000 It's fun to see it grow.

01:32:03.000 That becomes the addiction.

01:32:04.000 He's like, I just want to see it grow.

01:32:07.000 I think weight loss can be like that.

01:32:08.000 You go like, oh, I'll just try to lose it.

01:32:11.000 But then you see the number go down.

01:32:12.000 You're like, oh, I want to see it keep going down. 0.96

01:32:14.000 That's why when they have those helicopter footage views of these mansions in the Hamptons and they're pulling a guy out in handcuffs because he stole $500 million from his company, that's what the fuck that's all about. 0.98

01:32:25.000 That simple human need to collect, that becomes, you become some corporate villain. 0.99

01:32:32.000 That becomes, you fucking dig into the oil... 0.99

01:32:35.000 In the middle of the ocean. 1.00

01:32:37.000 Like every CEO in America.

01:32:39.000 It's a natural thing that people do.

01:32:42.000 Sure.

01:32:43.000 But the weight loss one's healthy.

01:32:45.000 The weight loss one is a healthy one.

01:32:46.000 But you bring up a real good point.

01:32:49.000 People do get addicted to success.

01:32:51.000 And they get addicted to...

01:32:52.000 I think it's one of the most important things about people.

01:32:56.000 Is that you have to find what little formula works for your brain. 0.99

01:33:02.000 Everybody's brain is fucking different. 0.99

01:33:04.000 Tell everybody they gotta go for it, and they gotta work out like The Rock, and they gotta read a book a day, like, hey, hey, hey, slow the fuck down. 0.99

01:33:11.000 Everybody doesn't have to do that.

01:33:13.000 But you gotta find out what it is for you, and I think for almost everybody, There should be something that you're pursuing that you can get better at.

01:33:22.000 Meaning, it could be art, it could be like you're really in a painting, sculpture, it could be a physical thing, like maybe a yoga thing, or a martial arts thing, or fill in the blank with a hundred archery, a hundred different things that you could, chess, that you could really get into.

01:33:38.000 Sure.

01:33:38.000 But I think when people work towards something, And then continue to do something and try to improve it, even if it's just your recreational tennis game.

01:33:46.000 I think those things bring people happiness because I think people have a certain amount of built-in desire to overcome adversity, overcome problems, and we don't get enough of it in real life.

01:33:57.000 Oh, right, right.

01:33:58.000 So then you get something like a weight loss challenge.

01:34:01.000 Yeah, anything like that, where you have a difficult struggle.

01:34:04.000 Yeah.

01:34:04.000 Like you have an accomplishment that you're working towards.

01:34:07.000 It gives people this sense of meaning, you know, which ultimately, that's the real problem, right, with a lot of people, is that they don't enjoy their life.

01:34:16.000 And so then they start thinking about, like, what is the purpose of this then?

01:34:19.000 Because is it just keep being uncomfortable and not happy until your heart stops beating?

01:34:25.000 Right.

01:34:26.000 Yeah, that's a miserable way to live.

01:34:27.000 A lot of people live like that.

01:34:29.000 By the way, my point for this too is that I think it's a great endorsement of fat shaming because this is a healthy result where you have two guys.

01:34:38.000 Ultimately, look, it doesn't even matter.

01:34:40.000 We both fat shamed and insulted each other and then so did a lot of people.

01:34:46.000 Right. 1.00

01:34:46.000 Well, you can get away with it because you're a fat guy. 1.00

01:34:48.000 If Jamie started fat shaming you, we'd have a real issue. 0.99

01:34:51.000 I don't know, man.

01:34:52.000 Jamie's skinny.

01:34:52.000 He runs a lot.

01:34:54.000 What I'm saying is that we benefited from it.

01:34:57.000 Low fat.

01:34:58.000 Yeah, I know.

01:34:59.000 No, no, you did.

01:35:00.000 Definitely.

01:35:01.000 But you guys are all both professional comedians.

01:35:03.000 Here's a perfect example.

01:35:04.000 What about a guy who's like a chef?

01:35:06.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:35:07.000 Who's just some fucking bomb-ass chef. 1.00

01:35:09.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:35:09.000 And he's a master chef and he keeps creating all these new dishes, but he's a fat fuck. 1.00

01:35:13.000 And he eats like a pig and he drinks wine every night like Gerard Depardieu. 1.00

01:35:16.000 Well, look, if that guy loves that, you're right. 0.95

01:35:19.000 I'm not encouraging, I'm not saying you should go on fat shame everybody.

01:35:22.000 I'm saying, what I'm saying is that there is an outcome in which it can be effective and not negative. 0.98

01:35:30.000 I'm not saying, hey, anybody who's fat, you should fucking fat shame them. 0.87

01:35:33.000 I'm just saying that in this scenario, The outcome could be that, like, it ends, let's say it ended today, and we are where we are. 0.96

01:35:41.000 Both of us just actually ended up eating healthier and working out for a month.

01:35:46.000 And, you know what I mean?

01:35:47.000 And we weigh less than we did, we're healthier than we were a month ago.

01:35:50.000 Well, I think different people have different abilities of tolerating jokes pointed at them.

01:35:56.000 There's a different effect.

01:35:57.000 Like, you could say something to me, and it probably has a different effect.

01:36:01.000 That's totally true.

01:36:01.000 Than maybe someone who doesn't do comedy, or maybe someone who's not used to someone joking around with them.

01:36:05.000 Yeah.

01:36:06.000 I think that's a factor, too.

01:36:08.000 I don't think you should emotionally traumatize a fat person.

01:36:10.000 I hope it didn't sound like I was trying to say that. 1.00

01:36:12.000 But for some people, it takes being called fat to get them off their ass. 0.99

01:36:18.000 That's my point, is that I feel like, I should say, that with me and with some people... 1.00

01:36:25.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:36:25.000 I mean, in a healthy way.

01:36:26.000 I never took it to really...

01:36:28.000 I don't know.

01:36:30.000 It didn't affect me in a horrible...

01:36:31.000 It affected me in a motivating way.

01:36:33.000 You and I have had a ton of conversations over the years about health and fitness and weight loss and stuff like that.

01:36:40.000 Yeah.

01:36:40.000 If you wanted to do something, I always felt like you would definitely do something, and you always worked out.

01:36:45.000 Yeah.

01:36:47.000 This became something that I want to do, just channeled through this other thing.

01:36:53.000 That's ultimately what it was.

01:36:55.000 I've told this story before, but when Kevin James was losing weight, his manager at the time, who he got rid of, was telling him that if he loses weight, he loses roles.

01:37:03.000 Yeah.

01:37:04.000 He was telling him to not be healthy because you won't get as much work. 0.99

01:37:08.000 That is goddamn crazy, Tom. 0.98

01:37:10.000 I had a manager tell me, don't lose the weight. 1.00

01:37:12.000 Oh, Jesus.

01:37:13.000 That's the same thing. 0.99

01:37:14.000 What the fuck kind of advice is that? 1.00

01:37:17.000 That's so crazy. 1.00

01:37:18.000 I know.

01:37:18.000 Don't be better as a person.

01:37:20.000 It's going to fuck up your comedy. 0.98

01:37:21.000 They were thinking of casting.

01:37:22.000 They were like, there's this many roles, so you could get one.

01:37:25.000 I wonder if they would approach it differently now.

01:37:27.000 Because now, like, casting, it's always going to be good to be on a sitcom.

01:37:31.000 It's always going to be good to be in a movie.

01:37:33.000 But if you're someone like you, who has a successful podcast and then does Netflix specials, I'll take that over all those things all day.

01:37:42.000 It's a good life.

01:37:43.000 It's the best life. 1.00

01:37:44.000 You're creating your own shit. 1.00

01:37:46.000 You're doing your own thing. 1.00

01:37:47.000 You're doing it when you want to.

01:37:48.000 You're being very prolific.

01:37:50.000 You're having fun.

01:37:50.000 I mean, you've done two specials in, what, two and a half years?

01:37:53.000 Yeah. 0.97

01:37:54.000 That's pretty fucking badass. 0.71

01:37:55.000 You did one, and then you did another one, like, was it like a year and a half later or somewhere in that range? 0.95

01:37:59.000 I did it, yeah, about 16 to 18 months later. 0.99

01:38:01.000 Yeah, man, that's fucking giant. 0.95

01:38:04.000 Yeah, I'm working on another one. 0.99

01:38:05.000 Yeah, but see, no interference, man.

01:38:08.000 You're right.

01:38:10.000 You don't have some crazy executives that want to change the direction of the show.

01:38:14.000 Yeah, that's a whole world that I've learned.

01:38:16.000 It's really weird, like just from writing.

01:38:18.000 Yeah, like having the script deals.

01:38:20.000 Yeah.

01:38:20.000 A lot of people get involved.

01:38:22.000 At first, they don't.

01:38:23.000 At first, there's nothing.

01:38:24.000 It's just like you and an idea.

01:38:26.000 They have conversations with you that you just want to go, what did you just say?

01:38:30.000 I had one one time where we had this conversation with an executive who said, like, we kind of want shows like, and I'll just make it up, right?

01:38:40.000 Like, let's say, like an HBO show.

01:38:42.000 That's not what they say.

01:38:43.000 And you go, okay.

01:38:45.000 And that was just one of the things they said.

01:38:47.000 And then on the first notes pass, which is like they read your first draft, the first thing that the same executive said was, this kind of feels like an HBO show.

01:38:56.000 We were like, what?

01:38:59.000 That's what you said.

01:39:00.000 And they were like, no, it's too much like that.

01:39:02.000 Oh my God, that's hilarious. 0.99

01:39:04.000 So that's the kind of shit you can deal with on a writing deal where you're like, I don't know where to go from that. 0.99

01:39:10.000 Yeah, well, those deals are so odd. 0.99

01:39:13.000 You work with writers, and sometimes you don't know a person, you sit down with them, start trying to write a script with them, it just gets really strange.

01:39:20.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:39:21.000 But when the execs come in is when it really gets strange.

01:39:24.000 Yeah.

01:39:24.000 They have their own wacky ideas.

01:39:27.000 I pitched a show once, and the guy I was pitching it with had a panic attack.

01:39:30.000 He had a panic attack at the pitch?

01:39:32.000 In the pitch meeting.

01:39:33.000 Whoa.

01:39:33.000 Yeah.

01:39:33.000 He held it together, but he's a really nice guy.

01:39:38.000 Very smart guy, too.

01:39:40.000 He's a real good writer.

01:39:42.000 Very funny guy.

01:39:43.000 I used to be a comic.

01:39:44.000 And then in the middle of this meeting, he just locked up.

01:39:47.000 Wow.

01:39:47.000 You could see it.

01:39:48.000 You know, I just had really struggled to try to get through the pitch.

01:39:52.000 And I couldn't jump in.

01:39:53.000 I mean, if I jumped, I didn't know what to do.

01:39:55.000 Pitches are so funny, man.

01:39:57.000 Pitches are like...

01:39:58.000 For people who haven't done it, pitching a show, in my estimation, in my experience, is a lot like a blind date the first five minutes.

01:40:11.000 That's how a pitch feels, because they'll be like, hey, I'm supposed to meet you at 2, right?

01:40:15.000 And you're like, yeah, 2 o'clock.

01:40:17.000 And then they're like, what's going on?

01:40:19.000 And then usually the popular thing, especially for comedy people, is they're like, first, just be yourself and just make it funny.

01:40:27.000 And you make a decision, like, you're like, I'm going to joke about this.

01:40:30.000 And you, like, sometimes you get on a roll.

01:40:32.000 Like, people are, you're gelling.

01:40:33.000 Like, this is, it's funny, natural conversation.

01:40:36.000 But sometimes it's like an awkward first date where you're like, yeah, you like moose?

01:40:41.000 And the person's like, what?

01:40:42.000 And then you kind of feel it being awkward, and they start to be like, I don't know if this is a great date, you know?

01:40:48.000 And then they're like, at that point, like, I don't know if I would go on a second date with you.

01:40:51.000 It's like the feel.

01:40:52.000 They go, so what's the idea?

01:40:53.000 And you're already feeling like... 0.99

01:40:55.000 Shit, this isn't a good date to begin with. 0.99

01:40:58.000 And then you start trying to throw out an idea, like, you'll like this, even though I don't think you like me. 0.99

01:41:04.000 And then you kind of...

01:41:05.000 And it either rolls down that hill where you leave the room like, that was awkward, right?

01:41:10.000 A pitch is still one step removed from an audition, though.

01:41:13.000 An audition's the worst.

01:41:15.000 Yeah, that is definitely the worst.

01:41:17.000 They also, you feel like sometimes you walk in the room in an audition and you feel like the casting director or person...

01:41:24.000 Made the decision as you walk in the room.

01:41:26.000 You ever have that, where you walk in and you're like, this person's definitely a no.

01:41:30.000 Yeah, and you have to keep going.

01:41:31.000 You gotta keep going.

01:41:32.000 I had a guy check emails once during an audition.

01:41:34.000 You know?

01:41:35.000 I was like, uh...

01:41:37.000 Then another time I improvised a line, and the guy laughed, and he goes, that was rude.

01:41:42.000 And I was like, what was...

01:41:43.000 He goes, stick to the script.

01:41:45.000 I'm like, oh, man. 1.00

01:41:47.000 It's punched to the fucking gut like that. 1.00

01:41:51.000 It's so hard. 1.00

01:41:52.000 Have you had a bad pitch?

01:41:54.000 Yes.

01:41:55.000 Well, that was a bad pitch, where the guy had a panic attack.

01:41:57.000 That was the end of that.

01:41:58.000 Have you ever tried to pitch, though, like, where you're like, and you're like, this is going terribly bad right now?

01:42:02.000 I pitched a show that the dude laughed at me.

01:42:04.000 He thought I was joking, but I was totally serious.

01:42:06.000 It was about a bunch of girls who work at a bikini pizza place during the day, and at night they find crime, and it's called Pizza Sluts. 0.89

01:42:15.000 LAUGHTER Yeah?

01:42:18.000 They work at a place called Pizza Sluts. 0.90

01:42:19.000 And he's like...

01:42:20.000 Alright, what's the real pitch?

01:42:21.000 I wanted to do...

01:42:22.000 It was a stoned idea I had.

01:42:24.000 But the idea was to do like a super over-the-top... 0.59

01:42:31.000 Ridiculous, like, Charlie's Angels type thing with some girls that worked at a pizza place. 1.00

01:42:35.000 Yeah. 0.74

01:42:36.000 That was the cover for this, like, secret crime-fighting organization. 1.00

01:42:40.000 It was so stupid. 0.99

01:42:41.000 Like, I didn't have ideas for scripts. 1.00

01:42:42.000 I didn't have anything.

01:42:43.000 But see, I think I would at least be smiling if that was the pitch.

01:42:47.000 He laughed.

01:42:48.000 He laughed, but he was like, we can't do that.

01:42:51.000 You ever see my mayor sizzle?

01:42:52.000 You saw that?

01:42:53.000 Where I play basically like a Rob Ford type character?

01:42:56.000 Oh yeah, I did see that.

01:42:58.000 Play that.

01:42:59.000 We shot that, you know, a couple years ago.

01:43:02.000 We pitched it to a lot.

01:43:03.000 We sent them that or we'd bring it with us.

01:43:05.000 Right.

01:43:06.000 There's some people that laugh and like, it's like I said, it's like meeting a new person.

01:43:10.000 Right.

01:43:11.000 There's one guy who we're like, so did you see the sizzle?

01:43:15.000 And he goes, yeah.

01:43:17.000 He's like, what else is there?

01:43:19.000 Like that kind of, where he's just like, shuts it down, you know?

01:43:23.000 Oh yeah, man.

01:43:24.000 Yeah.

01:43:25.000 Let me hear this.

01:43:26.000 Harry Pryor.

01:43:27.000 Mr. Mayor?

01:43:29.000 Baby boy, drink with me!

01:43:31.000 Mr. Mayor, this is Stan Ramsey from the budget office.

01:43:33.000 We're using Stan for some healthcare PSAs.

01:43:36.000 He was recently diagnosed with cancer.

01:43:39.000 God, I'm sorry, Stan.

01:43:40.000 What kind?

01:43:41.000 Lung.

01:43:41.000 I don't even smoke.

01:43:44.000 What do the doctors say?

01:43:45.000 They gave me six months.

01:43:47.000 You know something?

01:43:47.000 My aunt had lung cancer, and they gave her that same prognosis.

01:43:51.000 And that was 14 years ago.

01:43:53.000 Really?

01:43:53.000 She remained cancer free?

01:43:55.000 No, she died 13 and a half years ago.

01:43:57.000 Why are you telling me this?

01:43:58.000 Because it was like six months to the day. 1.00

01:44:00.000 I mean, these doctors, they know their shit. 0.99

01:44:03.000 It's great meeting you, Stan. 0.99

01:44:06.000 Hey, and definitely swing by before...

01:44:11.000 April.

01:44:11.000 We can set that up through my office.

01:44:14.000 It's just the people's mayor?

01:44:16.000 Yeah, it's decided to do like a Rob Ford character.

01:44:19.000 Yeah, I mean like it wasn't pitched that way, but as you know, you could tell that was obviously the influence.

01:44:23.000 Would you like to ramp it up and start with coke?

01:44:25.000 Dude.

01:44:26.000 Like Rob Ford, the thing that was so interesting about him is they had video of him smoking crack. 1.00

01:44:30.000 This leads down a sucking black dick for crack. 1.00

01:44:33.000 Oh, Jesus. 1.00

01:44:34.000 Sucking a black dick. 1.00

01:44:35.000 Yeah, well accused of it. 1.00

01:44:36.000 And he's like, I don't think so.

01:44:40.000 But it was written by Tom Ruprecht.

01:44:44.000 He was a Letterman writer for years and years and years.

01:44:48.000 Really funny guy.

01:44:49.000 I just played the role, but pitching that was a rollercoaster.

01:44:54.000 Because we had so many good people involved in it, you know?

01:44:57.000 And I was like...

01:44:58.000 And then the pitch, I just can't help but...

01:45:02.000 I know I'm repeating it, but it's like a blind date. 0.96

01:45:04.000 It was like people would be like, oh my god, that's fucking awesome. 0.99

01:45:07.000 And then they'd be like, I hate you. 0.98

01:45:10.000 I think in the position, you're going to an executive and you're saying, hey, spend money.

01:45:14.000 Spend money.

01:45:15.000 I want to make a hit.

01:45:15.000 Yeah.

01:45:16.000 Well, what's your idea?

01:45:17.000 And then, you know, well, it's a bunch of girls in their bikinis. 1.00

01:45:19.000 Get the fuck out of here. 1.00

01:45:20.000 Get out of here. 1.00

01:45:20.000 That's stupid. 1.00

01:45:21.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:45:22.000 That's stupid. 1.00

01:45:23.000 Stupid idea. 1.00

01:45:24.000 I'm glad they said no. 1.00

01:45:25.000 Yeah.

01:45:25.000 But every now and then.

01:45:26.000 Yeah.

01:45:27.000 Someone will come in their office and something clicks, and they decide, oh, let's take a chance.

01:45:31.000 And they take a chance on ten things, and only one of them works.

01:45:34.000 Yeah. 0.95

01:45:34.000 I mean, how many shows get fucking canceled and they cost a shitload of money to make? 0.95

01:45:38.000 Mm-hmm. 0.98

01:45:38.000 Happens all the time. 0.98

01:45:40.000 True.

01:45:40.000 Do you remember that show with the dude from ER? What's his name?

01:45:48.000 Noah.

01:45:48.000 Noah Wiley?

01:45:49.000 Remember he had a show, like an alien show?

01:45:52.000 Yeah.

01:45:53.000 It was this crazy special effects alien invasion show and they hyped the shit out of it and spent all this money on it.

01:46:00.000 If you're on a hit show, you get so many more chances after that.

01:46:04.000 Oh yeah, you do. 1.00

01:46:05.000 They'll keep putting you in shit, man. 1.00

01:46:06.000 There it is. 1.00

01:46:07.000 Falling Skies.

01:46:09.000 It's kind of funny looking.

01:46:10.000 Really?

01:46:11.000 Yeah, I mean, like, the creatures were badass looking.

01:46:14.000 They're bizarre.

01:46:16.000 But it's a weird show.

01:46:17.000 It's like, what is going- what is this?

01:46:20.000 Yeah.

01:46:21.000 Like, look at these creatures.

01:46:22.000 So they're hanging out. 0.99

01:46:23.000 Like, once you're hanging out with aliens, god damn, that's hard to pull off. 0.99

01:46:27.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:46:28.000 You turn your back to a lizard person. 0.99

01:46:30.000 Like, you're not freaking out by the fact that thing's from another goddamn planet that's behind you. 0.98

01:46:34.000 You can look to the skies. 1.00

01:46:35.000 I would never let one of those fuckers behind me. 1.00

01:46:38.000 Everywhere I'd walk, I'd have my back to the wall. 1.00

01:46:40.000 Well, it's every instinct had to be to kill. 0.98

01:46:42.000 Of course.

01:46:43.000 Dude, you see that picture or the animated GIF file that I put up on my Instagram?

01:46:48.000 Which one?

01:46:49.000 Of an owl swooping in and jacking this other bird?

01:46:52.000 No.

01:46:53.000 I think it's a hawk.

01:46:54.000 It jacks, too.

01:46:55.000 It looks like some- I tell you what I did watch was your tree cutting thing. 0.99

01:46:58.000 Holy shit, is that disturbing. 1.00

01:46:59.000 Fuck is that thing. 1.00

01:47:00.000 See that machine? 1.00

01:47:01.000 Yeah.

01:47:02.000 I've seen those before, but that one seemed like- Just picks up trees.

01:47:06.000 Maybe I forgot how efficient they were.

01:47:08.000 Just cuts them in half, strips the, look at that, saws it in half, lifts it up in the air, buzzes through all the bark.

01:47:15.000 As it's holding it.

01:47:16.000 Yeah.

01:47:17.000 Cuts it again, buzzes through the bark, totally strips the bark off.

01:47:20.000 I mean, that's crazy.

01:47:21.000 Yeah.

01:47:21.000 Strips all the branches off, cuts it, blam.

01:47:24.000 It's so...

01:47:25.000 I know, it's incredible.

01:47:26.000 Blamp.

01:47:27.000 It's nuts, man.

01:47:28.000 There's a dude manning that.

01:47:29.000 It's nuts. 1.00

01:47:30.000 Fucking wild. 0.99

01:47:31.000 Yeah, it's so disturbing when you see the brutal, brutal efficiency of it. 0.99

01:47:36.000 Look how it just saws through it.

01:47:37.000 And all those wheels and gears on it.

01:47:39.000 Yeah.

01:47:40.000 Really incredible, man.

01:47:41.000 Unreal.

01:47:42.000 Yeah. 0.98

01:47:43.000 But anyway, that's not shit compared to the owl. 0.98

01:47:47.000 This owl swoops down and jacks this bird. 0.98

01:47:51.000 I don't know what kind of bird.

01:47:51.000 It actually looks like a pigeon more than it looks like a hawk, right?

01:47:54.000 What does that look like, that bird?

01:47:55.000 Look at the eyes in the distance.

01:47:57.000 See the eyes? 1.00

01:47:58.000 Watch this, motherfucker. 1.00

01:48:01.000 Whoa! 1.00

01:48:03.000 Yeah, that other bird doesn't even know what happened.

01:48:05.000 No.

01:48:05.000 He's like, hey, see, look at his face.

01:48:06.000 That looks like a raptor, doesn't it?

01:48:08.000 Yeah, I mean, it has quite a beak on it, though, right?

01:48:10.000 I think that's some kind of a raptor.

01:48:12.000 What kind of distance this thing's coming from?

01:48:14.000 Dude, and it sees them, they don't see it, and booyah!

01:48:18.000 Later.

01:48:18.000 And they don't just grab you, they kick you.

01:48:21.000 Yeah.

01:48:21.000 Like, as it closes in, Watch it one more time.

01:48:25.000 We're like sadists now.

01:48:26.000 Those eyes. 0.99

01:48:27.000 Look, he's just fucking swooping in. 1.00

01:48:28.000 Those eyes are so creepy. 0.99

01:48:30.000 Awesome to watch animals do it.

01:48:31.000 But watch how he kicks them. 1.00

01:48:33.000 Bitch! 1.00

01:48:34.000 Like, it's not just a grab. 1.00

01:48:35.000 It's a stun.

01:48:37.000 Like, it kicks them and then sinks the claws in.

01:48:40.000 Yeah, man.

01:48:41.000 You ever seen an owl's talons?

01:48:43.000 Yeah, they're incredible.

01:48:44.000 They're enormous.

01:48:45.000 Yeah.

01:48:45.000 That other bird turned its head and was like, you say something?

01:48:48.000 Why is it that we take these ruthless, fascinating...

01:48:53.000 Birds of prey.

01:48:55.000 These predators in nature.

01:48:57.000 We make them out to be these lovely sweethearts. 1.00

01:49:00.000 Like owls.

01:49:01.000 There's nothing funnier than Matt Bronger's bit about owls.

01:49:05.000 It's about that.

01:49:07.000 Oh, that's hilarious. 0.97

01:49:08.000 It's so fucking funny. 0.98

01:49:09.000 It's about how ruthless owls are? 0.99

01:49:10.000 How savage they are.

01:49:12.000 I'm paraphrasing.

01:49:13.000 It's an older bit of his, but people are like, oh, they're so good. 1.00

01:49:16.000 That thing will rip your fucking face off. 0.99

01:49:18.000 He has a really, really well-written bit about it. 1.00

01:49:21.000 Look at that.

01:49:22.000 Jesus Christ.

01:49:23.000 People try to make them cute.

01:49:24.000 They're like, oh, they're adorable.

01:49:25.000 They're amazing.

01:49:26.000 Yeah.

01:49:27.000 They're night predators.

01:49:29.000 Night flying predators with giant eyes.

01:49:31.000 Look at that.

01:49:31.000 Those eyes, too, man.

01:49:33.000 Yeah, we were at, there's a rescue place that we go to sometimes.

01:49:37.000 Yeah.

01:49:37.000 They take care of wildlife and rehabilitate them, and they had this one owl that was blind, like pretty much blind.

01:49:45.000 It couldn't fly.

01:49:46.000 It would just perch, and it was a really small owl.

01:49:49.000 Yeah.

01:49:49.000 And you sit there and look at this thing.

01:49:51.000 I think it's in Silmar, I think the place is.

01:49:53.000 I forget where it's at.

01:49:54.000 It's in the 818, but it's got this little... 1.00

01:49:59.000 This little owl, and you're looking in his fucking eyes, man. 0.99

01:50:01.000 You're like, what a strange creature. 1.00

01:50:03.000 And his eyes look almost like cracked, because he's blind.

01:50:06.000 Like, it looks like you're looking through a cracked television glass or something.

01:50:10.000 And it's old?

01:50:10.000 Yeah, he's old.

01:50:11.000 He's old, and maybe something happened to his eyes, too.

01:50:13.000 It might have been an injury or something like that.

01:50:15.000 You know, sometimes birds will fly into windows.

01:50:17.000 That happens a lot.

01:50:18.000 We have the outline of one on a window.

01:50:21.000 Oh, Jesus.

01:50:22.000 Look at those eyes.

01:50:24.000 Is that that one bird?

01:50:25.000 I don't know.

01:50:26.000 Blind owl.

01:50:27.000 Yeah, look at his eyes.

01:50:28.000 They look like they're cracked inside.

01:50:29.000 There's something wrong, something missing.

01:50:31.000 He's looking at the universe.

01:50:32.000 That guy looks like a portal to the heavens.

01:50:35.000 Look at his right eye.

01:50:36.000 It's like a constellation map, or his left eye.

01:50:38.000 That's true.

01:50:39.000 The left eye is a constellation, the right eye is a storm.

01:50:41.000 It's not even a reflection of something that looks like that.

01:50:44.000 That's what it looks like in that eye.

01:50:46.000 It's just such a bizarre animal.

01:50:48.000 Like if that didn't exist, like if there was no owls and then they just found one, you'd be obsessed. 0.96

01:50:55.000 You'd be like, holy shit, have you seen that new animal they discovered? 0.95

01:50:58.000 Yeah, it's called an owl. 0.99

01:50:59.000 They're calling it an owl. 0.99

01:51:00.000 Dude, it's this giant flying thing with huge talons and it only hunts at night and it's smart as fuck. 0.99

01:51:09.000 They just swoop down and jack everything. 0.99

01:51:12.000 Yeah, that's an incredible predator, man.

01:51:15.000 Well, it's really interesting that the balance of those things, other than when people get infected or involved, rather, the balance of those things is like how many of them exist.

01:51:25.000 It's all dependent upon how much there is for them to eat.

01:51:28.000 It's like the more rabbits there are, the more rats there are, the more the owls will thrive.

01:51:36.000 If you didn't have those things, like people are always in LA, they're always worried about coyotes. 0.99

01:51:40.000 Oh man, it's fucking coyotes. 1.00

01:51:41.000 It's bullshit. 1.00

01:51:42.000 We gotta get these coyotes out of our neighborhood. 1.00

01:51:43.000 Oh, do you like rats?

01:51:45.000 Yeah.

01:51:45.000 Do you like rats?

01:51:46.000 No.

01:51:46.000 I don't like rats.

01:51:47.000 Yeah, neither do I. How do rats get to your fucking house? 1.00

01:51:49.000 Coyotes. 1.00

01:51:50.000 Yeah.

01:51:50.000 Hey, my cat.

01:51:52.000 Don't put your cat outside.

01:51:54.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:51:54.000 Fucking mittens. 1.00

01:51:55.000 Doesn't know what the hell a goddamn coyote is. 1.00

01:51:58.000 Right. 1.00

01:51:59.000 Yeah, people flip out about that.

01:52:01.000 You need coyotes. 0.99

01:52:02.000 I've seen a fucking coyote jogging down, trotting down a fountain with a dog in its mouth before, at night, late at night. 1.00

01:52:12.000 That's dark. 0.99

01:52:12.000 And then I saw a pack of them came to an apartment building I lived at once, and you heard this like weird squeaking, like screeching. 0.99

01:52:24.000 At first I thought it was an animal was hurt.

01:52:26.000 Where were you?

01:52:27.000 I was in Silver Lake. 1.00

01:52:28.000 Holy shit! 0.99

01:52:29.000 And I was like, man, what is that? 1.00

01:52:31.000 Sounds like a dog's crying.

01:52:32.000 And I opened the door and the door that was near the street, the apartment there, had a glass door open but a screen door.

01:52:40.000 And they had a bigger dog.

01:52:42.000 And then there was like six coyotes.

01:52:45.000 Trying to get that dog. 0.92

01:52:46.000 Yeah, and they were making this incredible crying noise. 1.00

01:52:50.000 Holy shit. 1.00

01:52:51.000 We were fucking fixated, like, oh my god. 1.00

01:52:53.000 Like, for a second, I thought, they're gonna fucking run through that door. 0.99

01:52:56.000 Imagine if they got through and just made a bloodbath out of the hallway. 0.99

01:52:59.000 Yeah.

01:53:00.000 He came down, he found this coyote's...

01:53:02.000 Now, as a pitch, I'm already in on this one.

01:53:05.000 Okay.

01:53:05.000 I'm going to pitch this.

01:53:06.000 What is it?

01:53:07.000 If I can six coyotes see a dog break in and make a bloodbath of an entire family.

01:53:13.000 Jesus.

01:53:14.000 Halloween 2017. Coyotes?

01:53:16.000 Wild coyotes if you come start killing people?

01:53:18.000 Why not?

01:53:19.000 I don't like it.

01:53:20.000 It makes me uncomfortable. 0.99

01:53:21.000 Alright, then don't fucking buy it. 0.99

01:53:23.000 I just tried to sell it to you. 0.99

01:53:24.000 Alright, dude.

01:53:24.000 Alright.

01:53:24.000 Jesus Christ.

01:53:25.000 I'll go.

01:53:26.000 Okay, we all have different tastes.

01:53:27.000 I'm not into that.

01:53:29.000 Jamie was into it.

01:53:29.000 Do you know that coyotes are wolves?

01:53:31.000 No.

01:53:32.000 Yeah.

01:53:33.000 They're wolves.

01:53:34.000 They used to call them prairie wolves.

01:53:36.000 That's why they can breed with wolves. 0.75

01:53:38.000 They have that thing called a coy wolf that's like a hybrid between a coyote and a wolf.

01:53:45.000 It's not just a hybrid between a coyote and a wolf.

01:53:47.000 There's actually a lot of them now.

01:53:49.000 There's like the percentage of hybrid.

01:53:51.000 It's like sometimes a hybrid mixes with a pure coyote.

01:53:54.000 Sometimes a hybrid mixes with another hybrid.

01:53:56.000 Sometimes a hybrid mixes with another wolf.

01:53:59.000 So there's like a bunch of different levels of coyotes and wolves, but ultimately, they're all wolves.

01:54:04.000 Coyotes are a type of wolf.

01:54:06.000 But the difference between dogs and wolves is dramatic, right?

01:54:10.000 I think I read that like...

01:54:11.000 Only by image.

01:54:13.000 By image only?

01:54:13.000 Yeah, the genetics are exactly the same.

01:54:15.000 But then the natural abilities of them...

01:54:19.000 I shouldn't say the genetics, because obviously they vary, right?

01:54:22.000 Yeah.

01:54:22.000 But what I should say is, when you research a dog's DNA... All dogs came from wolves.

01:54:29.000 So they became a dog.

01:54:31.000 But obviously an English Bulldog is very different than a Husky, is very different than a Rottweiler.

01:54:36.000 There's a lot of weird variations in genes.

01:54:39.000 But all of them originated with wolves.

01:54:42.000 Interesting.

01:54:43.000 Yeah, they don't even know how.

01:54:45.000 And coyotes come from wolves?

01:54:47.000 Coyotes are wolves.

01:54:48.000 Are wolves.

01:54:49.000 And some coyotes have bred with dogs.

01:54:51.000 When we did a Fear Factor shoot once, we stumbled upon this litter of puppies that this Labrador had had with a coyote.

01:54:59.000 It was really weird.

01:55:00.000 Do you ever see a mountain lion?

01:55:01.000 I've seen mountain lions.

01:55:02.000 I've seen them twice.

01:55:04.000 I saw one in Colorado, and I saw one in Santa Barbara.

01:55:08.000 I saw one in Montecito, that Montecito neighborhood.

01:55:11.000 We were driving to a restaurant.

01:55:12.000 We're driving up the street, and this thing runs across the road, and I'm looking at it, and I'm like, oh, and I saw its tail.

01:55:18.000 And I'm like, oh my god, it's a cat.

01:55:20.000 That's a cat.

01:55:21.000 That's a big cat. 1.00

01:55:23.000 Holy shit. 0.99

01:55:24.000 It's such a different feeling, man. 0.99

01:55:26.000 When you see, and when I say big cat, It was probably about 60 or 70 pounds.

01:55:33.000 I'm just guessing.

01:55:35.000 Anywhere between 50 and 70 pounds.

01:55:37.000 It wasn't big like a big mountain lion.

01:55:39.000 Some of them get to be 150 plus pounds.

01:55:41.000 It wasn't that big. 1.00

01:55:42.000 Those can be bad motherfuckers. 1.00

01:55:44.000 They're all bad motherfuckers. 1.00

01:55:45.000 My point is that 51 will fuck you up. 1.00

01:55:48.000 Yeah, of course. 1.00

01:55:48.000 50-pound mountain line will fuck you up, man. 1.00

01:55:52.000 You don't want to see that. 0.99

01:55:53.000 No.

01:55:54.000 That's a terrible...

01:55:54.000 So to see it in this really nice neighborhood...

01:55:57.000 We went to this really nice Italian restaurant, and we're driving down this residential street, and we're like, holy shit, that's a killer. 1.00

01:56:03.000 That thing's just roaming and looking for dogs and shit. 1.00

01:56:05.000 Yeah, what if it saw you walking your dog, you know? 1.00

01:56:07.000 They'll take your dog. 1.00

01:56:09.000 Coyotes take your dog all the time. 0.99

01:56:11.000 You hear stories about old ladies in Brentwood walking their poodles, click, click, click, they hear the clicks of the nails of the coyote behind them, and the coyote just snatches that dog right off the leash.

01:56:21.000 Yeah.

01:56:21.000 That's horrible.

01:56:22.000 They'll eat anything.

01:56:23.000 Especially when they're in urban environments.

01:56:25.000 They actually target cats and dogs, because cats and dogs kill a lot of what they kill.

01:56:30.000 Yeah.

01:56:30.000 So they don't just look at a cat.

01:56:32.000 This is one of the things I found out from this Coyote America book that I read.

01:56:36.000 Was that they don't just look at a cat as something to eat.

01:56:41.000 They really look at it as a competing predator.

01:56:43.000 Oh, so I got to get rid of that. 1.00

01:56:45.000 Yeah, because that thing's eating all the fucking birds. 1.00

01:56:47.000 Right. 1.00

01:56:47.000 That thing's eating all the rats. 1.00

01:56:48.000 That thing's eating... 0.98

01:56:49.000 It's killing everything.

01:56:50.000 I never thought of that.

01:56:50.000 Yeah, they don't like it.

01:56:52.000 They don't like having competing predators around. 0.98

01:56:54.000 Kill the competition. 0.99

01:56:54.000 I mean, they'll kill it if it was a chicken, obviously. 0.99

01:56:56.000 They would kill it if it was something that wasn't a competing... 1.00

01:56:59.000 Like, if it was a bunny rabbit, they would kill it, too. 0.99

01:57:01.000 So it's hard to say why they're killing it.

01:57:03.000 They easily could be killing it for food, but they believe that they target those animals because those animals are fellow predators.

01:57:10.000 Interesting.

01:57:11.000 They must know.

01:57:12.000 They must be able to tell when something's a predator.

01:57:14.000 I saw this piece, a news piece, about how they would have much better chance of survival, the mountain lions out here, if we had overpasses over the freeways for them to roam.

01:57:26.000 Yeah, they're going to build those.

01:57:27.000 Yeah.

01:57:28.000 Are they going to build it?

01:57:29.000 Yeah.

01:57:29.000 I know that in Europe they have them someplace.

01:57:30.000 They got to do them here and they're going to spend millions of dollars and people are up in arms. 1.00

01:57:33.000 People are like, fuck these things. 0.99

01:57:34.000 Well, one of them just killed, I think it was like, we looked this up the other day, right? 1.00

01:57:40.000 Twelve alpacas or eleven alpacas and one goat in Malibu.

01:57:46.000 Just went on a rampage. 0.99

01:57:49.000 Just decided, I just want to jump the fence and fuck these things up. 0.99

01:57:52.000 Didn't eat one of them. 0.99

01:57:53.000 Really? 1.00

01:57:54.000 Just killed him for the fuck of it. 1.00

01:57:55.000 Do you think it was like for fun or because it saw it as- Yeah. 1.00

01:57:57.000 It's a good time.

01:57:58.000 Yeah, good time.

01:57:59.000 Can't resist.

01:58:00.000 Yeah.

01:58:00.000 There's a bunch of things stuck in a cage.

01:58:02.000 Yeah.

01:58:02.000 I can get in that cage.

01:58:03.000 I get over the top of that thing.

01:58:04.000 All right, I'm going to do it.

01:58:05.000 Wow.

01:58:06.000 I mean, it's like probably a thrill for him.

01:58:09.000 Sure.

01:58:09.000 These totally tame things that aren't going to run good.

01:58:13.000 Like think about how many times that thing's trying to sneak up on a deer and the deer sees him and boing, boing, boing. 1.00

01:58:18.000 Fuck! 1.00

01:58:19.000 Yeah, yeah. 1.00

01:58:19.000 You know? 1.00

01:58:20.000 I mean, how many times does that thing have to go on a stalk before it actually gets a deer?

01:58:24.000 So it walked out of that cage like...

01:58:25.000 It just satisfied.

01:58:27.000 It just probably came all over the place.

01:58:31.000 Yeah, see if you've... 0.98

01:58:32.000 They gave a depredation order to kill this thing. 1.00

01:58:35.000 And people are up in arms about that.

01:58:37.000 They're like, no, we want the monster that kills the alpacas to stay near our children in our house.

01:58:42.000 No, don't kill it.

01:58:46.000 I'm a big mountain lion fan, folks.

01:58:47.000 Don't get me wrong.

01:58:48.000 I'm a big fan of wolves, too.

01:58:50.000 But when you got something in your neighborhood that kills 11 alpacas, what if it was a werewolf?

01:58:55.000 Okay?

01:58:56.000 What if a werewolf was in your neighborhood and decided to kill a bunch of sheep?

01:59:01.000 It got a reprieve!

01:59:03.000 They decided to change this. 0.72

01:59:04.000 Wow, they gave a depredation order, which means the rancher was allowed to kill it.

01:59:07.000 So it looks like the mountain lion got a reprieve.

01:59:10.000 A neighbor had offered to shoot the big cat known as P-45.

01:59:14.000 Can you make that a little bigger?

01:59:17.000 Thank you, sir.

01:59:18.000 For Victoria Von Perling, but she told reporters it was never her intention to have the cougar killed.

01:59:25.000 Instead, she said she'd hoped game officials would capture it and get it away from her ranch.

01:59:30.000 Okay, so the woman who had the alpacas didn't want the mountain lion to be killed. 0.94

01:59:35.000 She indicated that public outrage might have played a role in her decision, adding she was surprised by the vitriol.

01:59:41.000 Oh, of course.

01:59:42.000 Yeah.

01:59:43.000 Well, people who don't know, especially someone who's like a rancher, is raising alpacas and they're not paying attention to how nutty social justice warriors get online when it comes to things like this.

01:59:53.000 But here's the thing, folks.

01:59:55.000 You've got a problem if you've got something that's in your neighborhood that kills a lot of livestock, especially the way it did it there, where it killed a bunch of them and didn't even eat it.

02:00:03.000 Where would they drop that thing, by the way, you think, if they were trying to do that?

02:00:06.000 They would take it somewhere like Big Bear or somewhere probably close by, but far enough away that it would...

02:00:14.000 Maybe could stake out a new territory, but there's no guarantee that it doesn't come back. 0.98

02:00:18.000 See, the thing about mountain lions as opposed to people is they know where the fuck they are, and they know how to get home. 0.98

02:00:23.000 Yeah. 0.98

02:00:23.000 Like, they have some weird built-in sense of direction. 0.98

02:00:25.000 Like, mountain lions will travel hundreds of miles in their lives.

02:00:28.000 Hundreds.

02:00:29.000 Hundreds of miles.

02:00:30.000 And they'll get back to where they were? 0.99

02:00:31.000 Dude, there was a mountain lion that was killed in fucking Connecticut, and it originated in South Dakota. 0.99

02:00:36.000 That's really far. 0.99

02:00:37.000 Yeah.

02:00:38.000 It was hit by a car in Connecticut. 0.99

02:00:40.000 And they were like, what in the fuck is this? 0.99

02:00:44.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:00:45.000 Why is there a mountain lion on the road?

02:00:47.000 See if you can find that story.

02:00:48.000 Jesus Christ. 1.00

02:00:48.000 So I don't butcher it with my shit memory. 1.00

02:00:51.000 I didn't take Alphabrain today. 0.99

02:00:52.000 No?

02:00:53.000 No, I forgot.

02:00:54.000 Forgot to grab it on the way out. 0.99

02:00:55.000 Now I'm stupid. 0.99

02:00:56.000 Keeps you sharper? 1.00

02:00:57.000 Oh, for sure.

02:00:58.000 And the phlegm didn't help either.

02:00:59.000 The phlegm at the beginning of the podcast.

02:01:01.000 Tying me up.

02:01:02.000 Connecticut mountain lion walked from South Dakota.

02:01:05.000 1,500 miles.

02:01:07.000 140-pound male cougar, which is a big cat.

02:01:11.000 Estimated between two and five years old.

02:01:13.000 Almost certainly left its native habitat to look for mates, but went in the wrong direction, according to Adrian...

02:01:19.000 How do you say that name?

02:01:22.000 Adrian Wydevin, a mammal ecologist with the Wisconsin Department of Natural Resources.

02:01:30.000 He was looking for love in all the wrong places.

02:01:32.000 There's one of those expressions.

02:01:33.000 He was struck by an SUV on the Wilbur Cross Parkway in Milford, Connecticut.

02:01:38.000 I know where that is.

02:01:38.000 I used to play pool around there.

02:01:40.000 Really?

02:01:40.000 I used to play pool in Milford.

02:01:42.000 Yeah, in that area.

02:01:42.000 I think it was Milford.

02:01:44.000 That's too bad.

02:01:44.000 On June 11th, the driver was unhurt, but the cougar died at the scene.

02:01:48.000 Fuck, man. 1.00

02:01:49.000 Whoa. 1.00

02:01:50.000 See, that cougar was just glassing, and the guy hit him.

02:01:52.000 That's interesting that they initially thought that it had been released from captivity, given that no mountain lion had been sighted in the state for more than 100 years.

02:01:59.000 Jesus!

02:02:00.000 That's so long, man.

02:02:01.000 It's crazy, yeah.

02:02:03.000 They've spotted them in a lot of places, and now they're a fact.

02:02:06.000 Like, a big one is Florida.

02:02:08.000 You know, Florida, the cougars in Florida were like a legend just a few years ago.

02:02:12.000 And now there's a lot of video of them.

02:02:14.000 Have you seen the one where the lady's walking down a fence?

02:02:16.000 She's walking on a bridge, rather. 0.99

02:02:18.000 And as she's walking down the bridge, the fucking mountain line's on the bridge and runs past her. 0.99

02:02:22.000 And she films the whole thing. 0.99

02:02:23.000 She's freaking out.

02:02:24.000 No. 1.00

02:02:25.000 Holy shit. 1.00

02:02:26.000 No. 1.00

02:02:26.000 It's a big one, too. 1.00

02:02:27.000 And it's a little narrow-ass wooden bridge. 1.00

02:02:30.000 Check this shit out. 1.00

02:02:31.000 Like, watch. 1.00

02:02:32.000 Give me some volume, Jamie. 0.99

02:02:33.000 Give me some fucking volume. 0.99

02:02:35.000 Watch this. 1.00

02:02:36.000 Where's the volume?

02:02:38.000 Here, watch this.

02:02:39.000 Watch.

02:02:40.000 Oh my god.

02:02:41.000 Watch this.

02:02:42.000 Oh my god.

02:02:44.000 Holy shit. 1.00

02:02:46.000 Dude. 0.99

02:02:47.000 Yeah.

02:02:48.000 Dude.

02:02:50.000 Whoa. 0.99

02:02:51.000 Are you fucking kidding me? 0.99

02:02:52.000 For the people listening, not watching, this mountain lion, which is really big, runs by this lady. 0.99

02:02:58.000 I guess it's a Florida panther, but it's the same animal.

02:03:00.000 Right.

02:03:01.000 It runs by this lady within a couple of feet of her. 1.00

02:03:04.000 Oh, yeah.

02:03:04.000 Like, maybe one foot.

02:03:05.000 Right next to her, man.

02:03:06.000 I mean, and it's huge. 0.94

02:03:07.000 This cat is goddamn enormous, but it's... 0.96

02:03:10.000 You know, she's lucky that she's standing up. 0.98

02:03:12.000 Where was that?

02:03:13.000 Florida.

02:03:14.000 No, but in her description?

02:03:15.000 It's your mom's house.

02:03:16.000 She was at my mom? 0.69

02:03:17.000 Yeah.

02:03:17.000 Oh my god.

02:03:18.000 Yeah, your mom was in Florida.

02:03:20.000 That's true.

02:03:21.000 That's true.

02:03:21.000 It does.

02:03:22.000 She does.

02:03:25.000 Naples.

02:03:25.000 Corkscrews, swamp sanctuary.

02:03:26.000 Yeah, they're eating rednecks out there, folks. 1.00

02:03:28.000 Don't fucking kid yourself. 1.00

02:03:30.000 Do not fuck with that. 1.00

02:03:30.000 Bubba went missing, man. 1.00

02:03:31.000 He was out there frogging.

02:03:33.000 He went out there frogging.

02:03:34.000 We never heard from him again. 1.00

02:03:36.000 Oh, there's a lot of shit that can kill you. 1.00

02:03:37.000 Oh, yeah. 1.00

02:03:38.000 Everything eats you. 1.00

02:03:39.000 You go out there and, like, fucking... 1.00

02:03:41.000 What was that one... 1.00

02:03:42.000 Do you remember that one movie? 0.98

02:03:44.000 Goddammit. 0.98

02:03:45.000 Southern Comfort.

02:03:45.000 Do you remember Southern Comfort?

02:03:47.000 No.

02:03:48.000 Southern Comfort is about some National Guard. 0.99

02:03:50.000 It's a fucking good movie. 1.00

02:03:52.000 Goddammit. 1.00

02:03:52.000 Before I say that, it might not hold up. 1.00

02:03:54.000 Okay.

02:03:54.000 It might be one of those movies.

02:03:56.000 I love it.

02:03:57.000 Yes, I know exactly what you mean. 1.00

02:03:59.000 When you're 16, you're like, dude, Roadhouse is just shit. 0.99

02:04:02.000 Dude, does Patrick Klasey know karate for real? 1.00

02:04:04.000 Are you fucking really asking me that? 0.99

02:04:05.000 Southern Comfort. 0.99

02:04:06.000 Yeah, so it was about these National Guard guys that went down into the swamp, and they were doing some sort of exercise, and they pissed somebody off, and they got in some sort of an exchange with people, and they shot at someone.

02:04:21.000 They shot at someone with blanks.

02:04:24.000 They didn't have real bullets. 1.00

02:04:25.000 They were just being an asshole. 1.00

02:04:26.000 And when they shot at someone, they shot at some... 1.00

02:04:31.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:04:51.000 In the woods with these crazy fucking Cajun people that have been living there their whole lives. 1.00

02:04:58.000 It's deep, dude. 1.00

02:04:59.000 It's deep. 0.99

02:04:59.000 It's no pizza sluts, but it's a fucking good idea. 0.99

02:05:02.000 See, pizza sluts, you knew it was bullshit going in. 1.00

02:05:05.000 See, that was the part that this guy didn't get. 1.00

02:05:11.000 It's a good fucking movie, man. 0.99

02:05:13.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:05:13.000 It's a good fucking movie. 1.00

02:05:15.000 I remember this. 1.00

02:05:15.000 It might suck. 1.00

02:05:16.000 I'm going to warn you. 0.91

02:05:17.000 If you go watch it, Joe Rogan, I saw Altered States. 1.00

02:05:20.000 That movie's fucking terrible. 0.99

02:05:22.000 And you're right. 1.00

02:05:23.000 Yeah.

02:05:23.000 You're right.

02:05:24.000 Altered States changed my life, but it's terrible.

02:05:28.000 Yeah.

02:05:28.000 A lot of old movies don't hold up.

02:05:30.000 Nope. 1.00

02:05:31.000 Try watching that shit today. 1.00

02:05:32.000 Comedies, too. 1.00

02:05:33.000 Sometimes you're like, that's the funniest shit. 1.00

02:05:34.000 And then you watch it again. 1.00

02:05:35.000 You're like, hmm.

02:05:36.000 Someone was telling me that about Stripes.

02:05:38.000 They tried to watch Stripes.

02:05:39.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:05:39.000 And they're like, this movie's fucking terrible. 1.00

02:05:41.000 Yeah, if you see... 0.95

02:05:42.000 I mean, you know the thing that you don't give enough credit to on something like that?

02:05:46.000 Something like Stripes was one of the blueprints for how to make that kind of comedy.

02:05:52.000 And if you're somebody that didn't see Stripes, but saw a hundred bad versions of Stripes, and then you see it, then it looks bad.

02:06:01.000 Because you know, formulaically, who the characters, you're like, that's this character, that character.

02:06:07.000 You've seen versions of all the jokes, you know it, so then it feels like, oh, this is just another bad, when it's actually the original.

02:06:15.000 Right.

02:06:16.000 It's also a problem that Like everything else, it just kind of keeps getting better.

02:06:22.000 People get better at it.

02:06:23.000 Yeah, you're right.

02:06:24.000 Like Superbad.

02:06:25.000 Yeah.

02:06:25.000 Like Superbad didn't exist before Stripes.

02:06:28.000 Right.

02:06:28.000 You know?

02:06:29.000 Right.

02:06:29.000 And like Stripes kind of opened the door for movies like Superbad.

02:06:32.000 Sure.

02:06:32.000 But ultimately, Superbad's funnier.

02:06:33.000 Yeah, it's better.

02:06:34.000 It's a better movie. 0.99

02:06:35.000 God damn, that movie's funny. 0.99

02:06:36.000 It's really funny, man. 1.00

02:06:37.000 That's a funny, that's a fucking by yourself, holding your sides at home, laughing your ass off funny movie. 0.99

02:06:42.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:06:43.000 Yeah, you're right.

02:06:43.000 So the ones that they really knock it out of the park today...

02:06:46.000 But it has to be one that they knock... 1.00

02:06:48.000 There's a lot of shit... 1.00

02:06:48.000 But there's always a lot of shit comedies. 1.00

02:06:50.000 There were shit comedies then, there's shit comedies now. 0.99

02:06:51.000 What's a really good comedy lately? 0.99

02:06:53.000 Have you seen one?

02:06:55.000 I don't think I've seen one.

02:06:56.000 That Fred Eichler Glasson video. 0.99

02:06:58.000 Fucking Glasson's hysterical. 0.99

02:07:02.000 Jamie, you seen a good movie? 0.99

02:07:03.000 Good comedy?

02:07:05.000 I'm trying to remember one that I've seen recently that was really funny.

02:07:08.000 I heard Trainwreck was funny, but I didn't see it.

02:07:12.000 Mmm...

02:07:13.000 Name one movie.

02:07:15.000 I'm trying to think. 0.99

02:07:17.000 Goddammit! 0.94

02:07:18.000 What about a good movie?

02:07:20.000 Have you seen a good movie recently?

02:07:25.000 I saw Shark Bites.

02:07:26.000 The Shallows, I saw that.

02:07:28.000 What's that?

02:07:29.000 I mean, it was just entertaining.

02:07:31.000 It was Blake Lively alone, sharks after her. 0.91

02:07:33.000 You know, it was silly.

02:07:34.000 It wasn't like... 0.67

02:07:35.000 For what it was, it was like entertaining.

02:07:38.000 You know what the problem with movies is now?

02:07:40.000 HBO and Netflix. 0.81

02:07:41.000 They're so fucking badass. 0.97

02:07:43.000 They just clanged it over the head. 0.99

02:07:44.000 Yeah. 0.77

02:07:44.000 Like, when you watch a new episode of Game of Thrones, you're so goddamn invested in that show. 0.77

02:07:49.000 Well, they can go so much further with where the story's gonna go. 0.99

02:07:52.000 Damn. 0.99

02:07:52.000 They can go so deep. 0.99

02:07:53.000 You know, if you know you have 10, 13...

02:07:57.000 15 hours to tell a story, you can really make those hours meaningful.

02:08:02.000 It's totally different than a great show that you get into.

02:08:06.000 I mean, it just changed.

02:08:08.000 Dude, I think I've told you.

02:08:10.000 Have you ever watched Fargo, the TV series?

02:08:11.000 I heard it's amazing. 0.99

02:08:12.000 It's fucking unbelievable. 0.98

02:08:14.000 There's too many good shows. 1.00

02:08:15.000 That guy's unreal.

02:08:16.000 Noah, I forget his last...

02:08:17.000 That guy's unreal, man.

02:08:18.000 Those shows are so good.

02:08:19.000 Is Billy Bob Thornton still in it?

02:08:21.000 No, he's...

02:08:22.000 Don't tell me anything.

02:08:24.000 Stop saying anything.

02:08:25.000 Don't you spoil it.

02:08:26.000 No, I won't spoil anything.

02:08:27.000 But you should watch season one and season two.

02:08:31.000 I will watch it.

02:08:31.000 Don't threaten me, though, dude.

02:08:33.000 What...

02:08:35.000 Deadpool was pretty good.

02:08:36.000 I was like, I don't know if you consider it necessarily a full comedy.

02:08:38.000 Yes, I would.

02:08:38.000 I would call that a superhero comedy, and I agree with you.

02:08:40.000 That was really funny.

02:08:41.000 Deadpool?

02:08:41.000 That was a good movie.

02:08:42.000 That was really fucking funny. 0.98

02:08:44.000 Yeah. 0.98

02:08:44.000 And that dude's really funny. 0.98

02:08:46.000 Yeah, Ryan O'Neal.

02:08:47.000 He's funny.

02:08:48.000 Reynolds.

02:08:48.000 Same guy.

02:08:49.000 Same guy.

02:08:50.000 Handsome guy's name Ryan for a thousand, Alex.

02:08:53.000 His wife is the star of the shark one I saw.

02:08:56.000 That's his wife. 0.99

02:08:57.000 Well, there you go.

02:08:58.000 There you go.

02:08:58.000 Makes sense.

02:08:58.000 That's why it was great.

02:08:59.000 Yeah, he's a funny dude.

02:09:00.000 That was a good movie.

02:09:01.000 Really funny.

02:09:02.000 I wonder if that new one, that new one has like a pretty funny trailer, the Aniston work one.

02:09:08.000 You know what I mean?

02:09:09.000 Christmas office party.

02:09:10.000 Yeah, it's like an R-rated comedy.

02:09:12.000 It looks like it could be fun.

02:09:13.000 I mean, I haven't seen it.

02:09:14.000 Jennifer Aniston, is that what you just said?

02:09:15.000 Yes.

02:09:15.000 It's going to be funny?

02:09:16.000 I think so.

02:09:16.000 You just said that?

02:09:17.000 Yeah, it's got T.J. Miller.

02:09:18.000 It's got some other people.

02:09:19.000 You alright?

02:09:19.000 Okay.

02:09:21.000 That's what I like.

02:09:22.000 Good, solid Jennifer Aniston movie. 0.99

02:09:24.000 Dude, if you're not a fucking Friends... 0.99

02:09:26.000 I never watch Friends. 1.00

02:09:28.000 No, it's very...

02:09:29.000 It's just formulaic, man.

02:09:31.000 It's generic, but people like the characters.

02:09:33.000 Friends?

02:09:33.000 Yeah, I think so.

02:09:34.000 Sure.

02:09:35.000 It hits all the notes.

02:09:36.000 If you're writing a sitcom, each of those characters plays one of the archetype people, and they just got people that had chemistry. 0.99

02:09:44.000 I fucked up. 0.95

02:09:45.000 I never watched Seinfeld when I was on the air, and I never watched Friends. 0.99

02:09:48.000 Seinfeld's really funny. 0.98

02:09:48.000 I watched a couple of Frasers, and I would always watch it for like 10 minutes and go, what the fuck am I doing? 0.98

02:09:53.000 Yeah.

02:09:53.000 Seinfeld is really the only, I think, one that's, if you're a comic.

02:09:58.000 Did you ever watch Mad About You and go, is there something with the, am I just thinking wrong? 0.96

02:10:03.000 Well, I would see people watch it, like family members, and laughing, and that's when I would think something's wrong with me, and then after all, I was like, you're retarded. 1.00

02:10:12.000 You see what she said to him? 0.70

02:10:14.000 What do you think that is?

02:10:16.000 You're not retarded. 1.00

02:10:17.000 That's what I think. 0.75

02:10:17.000 The people that are so laughing. 0.75

02:10:19.000 Do you think it's an intelligence thing?

02:10:20.000 Yes.

02:10:21.000 Yes.

02:10:21.000 It is.

02:10:22.000 They're tapping into dull sperm. 0.99

02:10:26.000 They're figuring out the people that... 1.00

02:10:27.000 So you're saying your fucking sperm's better, bro? 1.00

02:10:29.000 Because you like different shows? 1.00

02:10:31.000 Come on, bro. 0.96

02:10:32.000 You know what I saw that's fucking excellent? 1.00

02:10:33.000 All bullshit aside. 1.00

02:10:35.000 I don't care what you like. 0.99

02:10:36.000 But, uh...

02:10:38.000 Black Mirror or Dark Mirror?

02:10:39.000 Black Mirror?

02:10:40.000 Black Mirror?

02:10:41.000 I watched the one where the guy...

02:10:43.000 I finally watched it.

02:10:43.000 And I went right to the one where the guy records memories.

02:10:48.000 Everyone can record a memory. 0.99

02:10:50.000 Holy shit. 0.99

02:10:51.000 That's exactly what we've been talking about. 0.99

02:10:54.000 I've been trying to tell you.

02:10:55.000 For so long.

02:10:56.000 That show's phenomenal.

02:10:58.000 Have you seen the... 1.00

02:11:00.000 Are you trying to one-up me, you motherfucker? 1.00

02:11:01.000 The masturbation one? 1.00

02:11:02.000 No. 0.96

02:11:03.000 No, I'm saying on that show.

02:11:05.000 On Black Mirror.

02:11:06.000 What do you mean?

02:11:08.000 There's an episode on masturbation? 0.82

02:11:10.000 Yes.

02:11:10.000 I've only seen two episodes.

02:11:11.000 I saw the first one where the guy fucks the pig, and this is the second one that I saw. 0.99

02:11:15.000 Oh, okay. 0.95

02:11:16.000 I went to watch this one specifically because it's about a subject that we're constantly talking about.

02:11:20.000 Which is?

02:11:21.000 Which is recording memories.

02:11:22.000 They're going to be able to record memories.

02:11:24.000 It's 100% it's going to happen.

02:11:25.000 It's just a matter of whether or not we can survive the next hundred years or whatever it is before we get hit by an asteroid.

02:11:31.000 But one of these days, just think about how crazy it is that 200 years ago, if you wanted a painting of something, if you wanted a picture of something rather, you would have to paint it.

02:11:40.000 You'd have to draw it or paint it.

02:11:41.000 That was so recent.

02:11:43.000 Yeah.

02:11:44.000 Just 200 years ago.

02:11:44.000 It's not long, yeah.

02:11:45.000 No photographs, ever.

02:11:46.000 So no one had ever seen anything that they didn't see.

02:11:49.000 Yeah, yeah.

02:11:49.000 You either saw it or you didn't see it.

02:11:51.000 Sure.

02:11:51.000 So what we have done is let you see things that you're never going to be anywhere near.

02:11:55.000 Like in some weird way, we've already connected people's memories.

02:11:59.000 Like my memories of...

02:12:02.000 You know, anything, whatever I did this last weekend, I can show it to you on my phone.

02:12:05.000 Hey, we went fishing in Hawaii.

02:12:07.000 Look at some of my memories. 1.00

02:12:08.000 I'm showing you my fucking memories. 1.00

02:12:09.000 They're just shitty. 1.00

02:12:10.000 They're like Morse code. 1.00

02:12:11.000 You know, they're like, uh, you know, a fucking teletype machine. 0.99

02:12:15.000 They're facts. 0.98

02:12:16.000 They're not the internet.

02:12:17.000 And I think it's crazy that, like, your children will be able to grow up and think about...

02:12:22.000 How about yours?

02:12:23.000 As well.

02:12:24.000 Why do you say my children? 1.00

02:12:25.000 Leave my fucking kids out of this, dude. 1.00

02:12:28.000 Jesus. 1.00

02:12:29.000 So, my kids will go to...

02:12:31.000 Let's just talk only about your... 1.00

02:12:32.000 You show me a cesarean section, you piece of shit? 1.00

02:12:34.000 This doctor used the Snapchat spectacles, which is the early version of what you're talking about. 1.00

02:12:39.000 To do a surgery?

02:12:40.000 Yeah, they showed it like...

02:12:41.000 Oh, what kind of surgery is this?

02:12:42.000 I'm not exactly sure.

02:12:43.000 Oh my god, dude.

02:12:44.000 How about a little warning?

02:12:45.000 How about a heads up?

02:12:47.000 I gotta pee, man.

02:12:48.000 Go pee, bro. 0.99

02:12:49.000 I'll watch this guy get cut open. 0.93

02:12:51.000 But that's a super interesting... 0.97

02:12:52.000 Yes.

02:12:53.000 It's through his eyes, right?

02:12:54.000 Super concept, yeah.

02:12:55.000 So the Snapchat glasses are essentially like cameras that are connected to the internet?

02:12:58.000 Yeah, to your Snapchat account, I would assume, but, uh, yeah.

02:13:02.000 That's nuts.

02:13:03.000 Hands-off cameras, so you don't have to...

02:13:05.000 People love them.

02:13:06.000 Mm-hmm. 0.97

02:13:07.000 People are having sex on it, and, like... 0.99

02:13:08.000 How dare they? 0.98

02:13:09.000 I don't know if they're sharing the porn videos online, but... 1.00

02:13:12.000 But they can watch each other fuck through that? 1.00

02:13:13.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:13:13.000 So it's essentially the same thing. 0.99

02:13:14.000 They've already got it. 1.00

02:13:15.000 Goddamn. 0.99

02:13:16.000 I knew it. 0.99

02:13:18.000 Not like it's anything brilliant that I discovered.

02:13:21.000 But on that Black Mirror episode, the different concepts that come up with that are super interesting.

02:13:26.000 They did an outstanding job.

02:13:27.000 And it was also weird how their eyes would glaze over when they would look at their own stuff.

02:13:30.000 They could look at their stuff through their eyes.

02:13:32.000 I'm giving it away too much, right?

02:13:33.000 It's been out for quite a while.

02:13:34.000 So what?

02:13:35.000 I didn't see it.

02:13:36.000 Don't spoiler alert.

02:13:37.000 People are mad at me for spoiler alert and The Walking Dead.

02:13:40.000 What are you going to do, folks?

02:13:41.000 I said spoiler alert.

02:13:43.000 Just hit that button quick. 1.00

02:13:44.000 If you're nowhere near it and you hear spoiler alert and you're not near your phone, you're like, fuck! 0.99

02:13:48.000 By the time you get there. 0.96

02:13:49.000 We should give them like spoiler alert and then 10 seconds.

02:13:52.000 Next time we're going to say something about something, we'll say spoiler alert and then we'll count down.

02:13:56.000 That would be annoying though, right?

02:13:58.000 For sure.

02:13:58.000 You know what?

02:13:59.000 I should have a countdown on my desk, like a little thing that I could press at any moment.

02:14:04.000 It just gives me a flat ten seconds.

02:14:06.000 Can that be done?

02:14:07.000 And then I'll just keep talking.

02:14:09.000 And I'll go, spoiler alert, and then I'm going to hit the button. 0.99

02:14:11.000 What I'm about to tell you, definitely get out of the fucking room. 0.99

02:14:14.000 If you want to know, I'll let you know. 1.00

02:14:16.000 You've got seven seconds, five, four...

02:14:20.000 Then how long are you going to talk about it for?

02:14:21.000 10 minutes?

02:14:22.000 As long as I want. 1.00

02:14:23.000 Tough shit. 1.00

02:14:25.000 You've been warned. 1.00

02:14:28.000 But what I thought was really interesting in the Black Mirror thing is that when they had that one late...

02:14:35.000 I can't talk about that.

02:14:36.000 I'll spoiler alert it.

02:14:37.000 But I just thought the way they handled it was really, really well done.

02:14:41.000 Because it seemed like normal people of today that were faced with this technology.

02:14:48.000 As opposed to, like Westworld is weird to me.

02:14:52.000 I love Westworld.

02:14:53.000 I'm a huge fan of it, but it's weird to me that it's 30 years in the future But everything is pretty standard like the way they're doing everything with a tablet and the everything the way they're walking around their apartments It all looks kind of the same whereas if you go to 1970 and you look at 1970 as opposed to the year 2000 There's a giant difference in that 30 years. 0.95

02:15:15.000 I would think that Whatever the fuck, I mean, if they're that close, they made these goddamn robots, and then 30 years later, they're still fairly similar? 0.99

02:15:25.000 Like, get the fuck out of here. 0.99

02:15:26.000 Like, 30 years later, you guys are still using iPads? 0.84

02:15:30.000 Like, really?

02:15:31.000 Is that what's going on?

02:15:32.000 Like, you haven't transcended into new dimensions?

02:15:35.000 We're not walking through artificial black holes that you make with your blender now?

02:15:38.000 I mean, 30 years from now, someone could... 1.00

02:15:41.000 Create some mind-numbing, world-changing shit. 1.00

02:15:45.000 It's not just going to be a robot you can fuck or shoot. 1.00

02:15:47.000 You know, it's going to probably be... 0.99

02:15:49.000 That's the only, like, suspension of disbelief thing that fucks with me, is that they've been doing that park for 30 years.

02:15:54.000 Yeah, after watching it and having theories on it, that could be like maybe.

02:15:59.000 That's all they've shown us so far.

02:16:00.000 I have theories.

02:16:00.000 It might not be the actual what's going on.

02:16:02.000 You don't want to hear my theory?

02:16:03.000 What's up?

02:16:04.000 How come when, for spoiler alert, if you cut them open, you see the robot parts?

02:16:11.000 One of them.

02:16:12.000 But when you're building them, no, no, when ones were murdered, when he murked all those people and chopped them all up, remember that?

02:16:18.000 There was scenes where you see robot parts sticking out of people.

02:16:21.000 They were all laying down.

02:16:23.000 The whole scene was...

02:16:24.000 I remember seeing the inside of the worst.

02:16:26.000 The chick. 0.98

02:16:27.000 I forget who...

02:16:28.000 Anyway, there was that.

02:16:29.000 Yeah, there was that.

02:16:30.000 But when you watch them construct the things, you don't see any of that stuff.

02:16:34.000 You see synthetic bone or something like that.

02:16:35.000 Exactly. 0.99

02:16:36.000 So what the fuck is going on, Jamie? 0.99

02:16:38.000 That's what I'm saying. 0.99

02:16:38.000 Did you see that last scene where they show the girl's arm ripped off? 0.99

02:16:41.000 I know.

02:16:42.000 Did you hear that Red Band told me this?

02:16:44.000 They're not going to do season two until 2018?

02:16:47.000 Well, I mean, they have announced that they're going to do it.

02:16:50.000 It's 2017 now, basically.

02:16:52.000 They have to film it.

02:16:53.000 By 2018, you think Burt will still be fat?

02:16:56.000 100%.

02:16:56.000 Absolutely.

02:16:57.000 You're really committed to this.

02:16:59.000 Of course, man.

02:16:59.000 He's a guy with feelings.

02:17:01.000 I know, and I love him.

02:17:02.000 He's one of my best friends.

02:17:04.000 I would do anything for that guy.

02:17:05.000 If you could get inside his head and change him, would you get him to stop drinking?

02:17:10.000 No.

02:17:13.000 What about after January 3rd?

02:17:15.000 Definitely not.

02:17:16.000 No?

02:17:16.000 I want him to be happy.

02:17:17.000 The only way he'll be happy is if he keeps drinking.

02:17:19.000 Absolutely.

02:17:20.000 Maybe.

02:17:21.000 With new technology.

02:17:23.000 They'll figure out a way to fix your liver. 0.96

02:17:25.000 Maybe. 1.00

02:17:25.000 They'll have like a stem cell liver cleanse and they'll just pump that shit in there. 1.00

02:17:29.000 Way, way into the Burt is Thin future. 0.99

02:17:32.000 Maybe they'll do something like that.

02:17:33.000 And maybe Burt will have to drink more because his liver will be so good that the booze won't last.

02:17:39.000 It gets sober up in like 20 minutes. 0.99

02:17:41.000 You gotta start fucking partying harder. 0.98

02:17:42.000 He's a fun guy to party with. 0.99

02:17:43.000 Oh yeah, he is.

02:17:44.000 Have you ever seen him do standout with a shirt on?

02:17:46.000 Yes, back in the day.

02:17:48.000 How many times?

02:17:49.000 I saw him for a while doing it.

02:17:50.000 He used to do it, he only started doing that I feel like about two years ago, maybe three.

02:17:56.000 I feel like it's fairly recent in the time that I've known him and seen him do stand-up.

02:18:02.000 And since then, have you ever seen him do stand-up with a shirt on?

02:18:05.000 No.

02:18:05.000 I haven't either.

02:18:06.000 Yeah.

02:18:07.000 But it works.

02:18:08.000 It's almost like part of the persona, you know?

02:18:11.000 Well, it's like I forget when he did and used to...

02:18:13.000 Dude, is he bigger than you or is it just me?

02:18:20.000 No, man.

02:18:21.000 No, we're about the same.

02:18:22.000 About the same size. 1.00

02:18:23.000 How does his pants stay right above his dick like that? 1.00

02:18:27.000 That seems impossible. 1.00

02:18:29.000 It seems like...

02:18:30.000 There's a belt.

02:18:31.000 There's a belt right there.

02:18:32.000 Yeah, but that's a different photo.

02:18:33.000 Oh, look at Moshe.

02:18:34.000 That's Moshe Kasher showing his goods.

02:18:35.000 He's got tighty-whities.

02:18:36.000 Moshe's a funny guy, too, man.

02:18:37.000 He's got a new show coming out on Comedy Central.

02:18:40.000 Yeah, that's a really cool idea.

02:18:42.000 I'm sure it will be.

02:18:43.000 He's a very smart dude.

02:18:45.000 Yeah.

02:18:45.000 Very, very smart.

02:18:46.000 Is that Brian Cowan showing his abs with Bert Kreischer?

02:18:49.000 Right below that?

02:18:50.000 Is that Eddie Ift?

02:18:51.000 Oh, it's Eddie Ift.

02:18:52.000 See, I'm so sorry, Brian.

02:18:54.000 But when that's a little tiny image, it does look like Brian Cowan.

02:18:57.000 Tell me it doesn't. 0.98

02:18:58.000 Damn, look at Eddie. 0.99

02:18:58.000 He's shredded. 0.99

02:19:00.000 So is Bert.

02:19:01.000 Looks good there.

02:19:02.000 No.

02:19:02.000 That's not true at all.

02:19:04.000 Eddie is in CrossFit shit. 0.99

02:19:07.000 Oh, is he? 1.00

02:19:07.000 Loves CrossFit. 1.00

02:19:08.000 Bert's just got that bloated, distended thing, though.

02:19:10.000 Well, that's booze.

02:19:11.000 That's what I'm saying.

02:19:11.000 That's it.

02:19:12.000 There's no way he can get out of that?

02:19:13.000 I think he could.

02:19:14.000 What's he down to now?

02:19:15.000 What's he claiming?

02:19:16.000 I don't know, because he hasn't claimed in a minute.

02:19:17.000 I don't know.

02:19:18.000 Well, here's a photo that he keeps bringing up of him back when he was real thin.

02:19:22.000 Yeah.

02:19:22.000 When he was real young, like in college.

02:19:23.000 That's hilarious.

02:19:24.000 He keeps bringing that one up, but getting back to that, bro.

02:19:26.000 And he did his promo for last week, where he used a 10 to 15 year old picture, but he just put it like with the date and the, you know?

02:19:35.000 And he was so much thinner in it. 0.78

02:19:37.000 It was ridiculous.

02:19:39.000 But he was just like, I'll be here this week. 0.64

02:19:41.000 That's hilarious.

02:19:43.000 Really funny.

02:19:44.000 Yeah.

02:19:45.000 It's not fun when you watch your body get big and fat and you can't turn it around.

02:19:49.000 Yeah.

02:19:50.000 I mean, you can.

02:19:50.000 Not everybody.

02:19:51.000 I'm saying that we're in a position to do it.

02:19:53.000 That's why I think this is a good thing.

02:19:54.000 Well, everybody can.

02:19:57.000 Wow. 0.98

02:19:58.000 That's ridiculous. 0.99

02:19:59.000 Yeah. 0.97

02:19:59.000 That's like 2,000. 0.97

02:20:03.000 It's weird that he decided to use that picture. 1.00

02:20:05.000 Maybe he's trying to fuck with you. 1.00

02:20:06.000 He was. 1.00

02:20:06.000 Oh, absolutely. 1.00

02:20:07.000 Do you know what he did?

02:20:08.000 Oh, I didn't tell you what he did. 0.98

02:20:09.000 This is so fucking funny. 0.95

02:20:11.000 So, this is it. 0.96

02:20:12.000 This is what I was going to tell you.

02:20:13.000 Congrats on the new house, The Rock.

02:20:16.000 Did he really get a package from The Rock?

02:20:18.000 Burnt Chrysler sent me a box of cookies, and that was the card.

02:20:24.000 Because he's tagged The Rock on a few things, and The Rock has retweeted it and mentioned him, and he told me about it, so then he sent me a box of cookies to the house, and it said, congrats on the new house, The Rock. 0.99

02:20:36.000 So, that was Bert trying to fuck with me. 0.95

02:20:38.000 Having me eat cookies, and then it's coming from The Rock. 1.00

02:20:41.000 Got it.

02:20:41.000 So, I gave them away immediately.

02:20:43.000 Good for you, dude.

02:20:43.000 Of course, man.

02:20:44.000 Good for you.

02:20:45.000 Yeah, we're in a battle, dude.

02:20:46.000 Yeah, I eat sugar-free pudding.

02:20:50.000 Don't.

02:20:50.000 No?

02:20:51.000 No. 0.99

02:20:52.000 Every time I eat them, I'm just gonna fucking trick my body with this sugar-free pudding. 0.98

02:20:56.000 Yeah. 0.97

02:20:56.000 It's got high protein. 0.97

02:20:57.000 It's high protein, sugar-free pudding. 1.00

02:21:00.000 There's something that it does to your ass. 1.00

02:21:03.000 Oh, really? 1.00

02:21:04.000 There's something that happens.

02:21:06.000 It's kind of stinky?

02:21:06.000 When it mixes up with real food.

02:21:08.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:21:09.000 It's a gang fight between fucking sugar-free... 1.00

02:21:12.000 Maybe I'm eating the wrong kind. 1.00

02:21:13.000 I don't know.

02:21:14.000 Maybe there's a good one out there.

02:21:14.000 My dumps are less horrific in the last 30 days for sure.

02:21:18.000 I'm sure.

02:21:18.000 Yeah.

02:21:18.000 Well, the more salad you eat, the more it's going to be real smooth.

02:21:22.000 Yeah.

02:21:22.000 That's a big one with people.

02:21:24.000 People that just eat meat, man, you're doing your body a disservice.

02:21:27.000 Yeah.

02:21:27.000 You got to eat a lot of vegetables.

02:21:29.000 So important. 0.99

02:21:30.000 People don't want to do it because, goddammit, if you got a cheeseburger with blue cheese on it, you see the blood just kind of like dripping onto the bun, put some jalapenos on that bitch, maybe some mayonnaise, some thick fucking dark red tomatoes, and some juicy iceberg lettuce, 0.96

02:21:46.000 and you want to get busy with that cheeseburger. 0.97

02:21:48.000 For sure.

02:21:49.000 That's my favorite, I think.

02:21:51.000 I think you should eat a half of one.

02:21:53.000 Take it from me, the guy who eats three meals.

02:21:55.000 Just eat a half a cheeseburger.

02:21:56.000 Just put it away.

02:21:57.000 Eat a salad.

02:21:59.000 Salad's good.

02:22:00.000 I like salad. 1.00

02:22:01.000 Fuck yeah. 1.00

02:22:02.000 Yeah, I'm going in on it, man. 1.00

02:22:03.000 Do you ever do kale shakes?

02:22:04.000 No.

02:22:05.000 Time to step it up.

02:22:06.000 Step it up to kale shakes?

02:22:07.000 Time to step up your game.

02:22:07.000 Let's make a video.

02:22:09.000 Okay.

02:22:09.000 I'll bring the ingredients over to your house, and I'll bring you a Blendtec blender as a housewarming gift.

02:22:14.000 Shit! 0.99

02:22:15.000 You need one of these. 1.00

02:22:16.000 This is what we're going to do.

02:22:17.000 I'm going to show you how to make them so they taste good, and then I'm going to show you how I do it. 1.00

02:22:21.000 Yours tastes like shit? 1.00

02:22:23.000 Brutal. 1.00

02:22:23.000 Okay. 1.00

02:22:24.000 They're brutal. 1.00

02:22:25.000 But, I swear to God, you'll drink this and you'll want to run up the side of a fucking mountain and punch a mountain lion right in the dick. 1.00

02:22:32.000 You eat this every morning? 1.00

02:22:33.000 Woo! 0.99

02:22:34.000 No, no, no, no.

02:22:35.000 I don't think it's smart to eat a lot of the same things all the time.

02:22:41.000 I think it's good to mix it up a little bit.

02:22:43.000 But when I do do it, I feel it.

02:22:45.000 I mean, I always drink...

02:22:47.000 Like you saw when I came in here, I was eating a big salad.

02:22:49.000 I always eat salads.

02:22:50.000 I'm eating a lot of vegetables.

02:22:52.000 But the amount of nutrition that you get in a kale shake, like think about, this is what I take.

02:22:58.000 This is my recipe.

02:22:58.000 I take four big stalks of kale.

02:23:01.000 Four?

02:23:01.000 Yeah, four.

02:23:02.000 Chop that shit up. 1.00

02:23:03.000 Chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop. 1.00

02:23:04.000 Then I take a cucumber. 1.00

02:23:05.000 Chop that bitch up. 1.00

02:23:06.000 Chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop. 1.00

02:23:07.000 Then I take a giant chunk of ginger.

02:23:10.000 Giant.

02:23:11.000 Like almost like a pager.

02:23:13.000 Like a half a pager.

02:23:14.000 Like a half a pager is good. 1.00

02:23:16.000 Throw that bitch in there. 1.00

02:23:17.000 Four cloves of garlic. 1.00

02:23:18.000 Get in there, bitch. 1.00

02:23:19.000 Four cloves. 1.00

02:23:20.000 And I used to go with a full pair, but then I go with a half a pair now.

02:23:24.000 Now I go with a half a pair.

02:23:25.000 You don't get diarrhea immediately?

02:23:26.000 Oh, you should.

02:23:27.000 You should.

02:23:28.000 That's going to be part of the fun.

02:23:29.000 Then, on top of that, four stalks of celery, or two, excuse me, two stalks of celery, And then MCT oil.

02:23:37.000 MCT oil is important because in order for your body to accurately process, like to get the most, like more efficiently processed vitamins, you want them to be attached to fats in a lot of cases.

02:23:49.000 A lot of different vitamins.

02:23:51.000 Your body absorbs them better with fats.

02:23:53.000 And MCT oil is a healthy fat and it's good for brain function, a lot of other different things.

02:24:00.000 That's where it gets tricky.

02:24:01.000 You can't put too much in.

02:24:02.000 Oh. 1.00

02:24:03.000 Because if you poop too much in, you're an asshole. 1.00

02:24:06.000 Well, really, yeah. 1.00

02:24:07.000 It just protests.

02:24:09.000 Yeah.

02:24:09.000 It protests.

02:24:10.000 It goes on a riot. 1.00

02:24:11.000 You go on an asshole riot. 1.00

02:24:12.000 Like, I've had some asshole riots where you're walking, like, towards the bathroom, and all of a sudden, out of nowhere, like, you have to take a shit. 1.00

02:24:20.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:24:21.000 And you go, like, oh, well, I'll go in the bathroom.

02:24:22.000 And you're like, oh, my God, I'm not going to make it.

02:24:24.000 Like, you see the bathroom, and you're like, whoa, whoa.

02:24:28.000 Yeah.

02:24:28.000 I don't know what the number is, but to me, caution, err on the side of caution with the MCT oil.

02:24:35.000 Maybe just a couple of tablespoons full is plenty.

02:24:38.000 If it's oil, you know, there's this weird restaurant I used to go to on the east side, Don Felix, Peruvian place, and they would make this dish called Lomo Saltado, which is so good.

02:24:48.000 It's a hardcore Lomo Saltado.

02:24:51.000 That sounds like you should be on Narcos, man. 0.95

02:24:52.000 Man, it's a fucking traditional Peruvian dish with meat, potato, like chopped up fries basically, tomatoes, rice, but they would oil, like make it on a pan with lots of oil. 0.97

02:25:04.000 I used to be able to fart songs out there, like with total control. 0.99

02:25:09.000 You know, I could be like because of so much oil in my system.

02:25:14.000 It's probably really good for you.

02:25:16.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:25:17.000 Fuck. 1.00

02:25:17.000 You gotta try this, man. 1.00

02:25:18.000 I'll take it to this place if you want to go.

02:25:20.000 Did you see that article that was released that showed that the sugar companies in the 1950s were bribing scientists to report that it was saturated fat that was causing people to get sick and have heart attacks?

02:25:34.000 Don't talk about sugar.

02:25:35.000 It was the 50s, right?

02:25:36.000 Sixties.

02:25:37.000 And we've been saying that ever since.

02:25:39.000 So 50 years ago, someone lied.

02:25:42.000 Look at that.

02:25:43.000 It's crazy. 0.93

02:25:44.000 Because all these years, people have automatically connected saturated fat Heart disease saturated fat and all these problems, but there's there's like a need that your body has for saturated fat like a lot of these scientists That did this they just fucking lied They were paid off by the sugar industry to make it seem like saturated fat was what's fucking people up However,

02:26:10.000 someone just sent me, Dr. Rhonda Patrick actually, just sent me something, an article that there's a new study that came out that shows that the real problem they think now with saturated fats is when saturated fats are mixed with processed foods.

02:26:28.000 That processed foods and saturated fats together as a combination, like processed sugars, And things along those lines mixed with saturated fats can be very bad for you.

02:26:38.000 Right.

02:26:38.000 So it's just, you can go on the fat kick, but don't mix it with that sugar.

02:26:43.000 Right.

02:26:43.000 But we were talking about this before the podcast, or we were talking about the beginning of the podcast, the protein thing.

02:26:48.000 It was before the podcast.

02:26:49.000 No, before the podcast, yeah.

02:26:50.000 It's all moderation.

02:26:52.000 It's all balance.

02:26:53.000 You can't have too much protein.

02:26:54.000 If you eat too much protein, your body starts to convert it to sugar.

02:26:57.000 Dude, that's what I was doing with meat all the time.

02:27:00.000 Having way too big of portions.

02:27:02.000 And then you see what a recommended portion of it is.

02:27:06.000 And then you go, oh, that's not bad.

02:27:08.000 That's normal.

02:27:09.000 I was just eating too much of it.

02:27:11.000 Too much protein.

02:27:12.000 You want to be on, like, if you want to do, you're trying to do a fat-burning ketogenic diet.

02:27:16.000 I think they say it's 75%, 75% fats, and then the rest is like 20% protein, 5% carbs.

02:27:26.000 Is that what it is?

02:27:27.000 That's about it, yes.

02:27:28.000 Somewhere around those numbers.

02:27:29.000 But we have one of those...

02:27:31.000 Grab one of those Myoplex bags, Jamie, that we got in the back.

02:27:34.000 There's this new company.

02:27:35.000 Not new company. 0.98

02:27:36.000 It's an old-ass company.

02:27:37.000 They've been around forever.

02:27:39.000 That make...

02:27:39.000 I have no affiliation with these people and this is not an ad.

02:27:42.000 It's like a keto-friendly powder?

02:27:44.000 Yeah, they make like a pack.

02:27:45.000 Yeah.

02:27:46.000 And it's a keto meal that you could like shake it. 0.89

02:27:49.000 Like if you're on the go and you don't want to fuck up and eat something. 0.92

02:27:51.000 See those things right there? 0.99

02:27:52.000 Yep.

02:27:53.000 I ordered these.

02:27:54.000 Yeah.

02:27:54.000 I got a cinnamon one.

02:27:56.000 They don't taste bad.

02:27:57.000 So it's like 75% fat, 20% protein, 5%.

02:28:00.000 It's, by the way, it's a lot of powder.

02:28:02.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:28:02.000 If you try to put this in eight ounces, it's a fucking ton. 0.99

02:28:05.000 Yeah, I put it in one of those Yeti tumblers, and I mix it up with carbonated water like an asshole. 1.00

02:28:10.000 Oh, really? 1.00

02:28:10.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:28:11.000 This is how stupid I am. 1.00

02:28:12.000 Did you find that in there? 1.00

02:28:13.000 Did you see that mug in there?

02:28:16.000 I got this new soda from this company called Zevia.

02:28:20.000 Uh-huh. 1.00

02:28:20.000 Have you ever had that shit? 1.00

02:28:21.000 Uh-huh. 1.00

02:28:21.000 This is like a big ad that's not an ad. 1.00

02:28:24.000 They make soda with stevia.

02:28:27.000 Oh, okay.

02:28:28.000 So they have soda, they have energy drinks, and then they have this sparkling water.

02:28:32.000 How is it?

02:28:33.000 It's good.

02:28:34.000 I like stevia.

02:28:35.000 If you like the flavor of stevia, it's good. 0.94

02:28:37.000 Because it's kind of got a flavor to it, but it doesn't fuck with you. 0.97

02:28:41.000 I still love a Coca-Cola. 0.99

02:28:44.000 I mean, I know it's kind of syrupy and fucked up, but You're eating ribs, you know? 0.99

02:28:48.000 There's nothing better. 0.99

02:28:49.000 Come on, son.

02:28:50.000 I agree.

02:28:51.000 One of them's a peach and one of them's a lime.

02:28:53.000 Those are the sparkling water ones.

02:28:55.000 So those are like very, very mild.

02:28:58.000 And they have other ones that are like a soda.

02:28:59.000 I'm going to try one.

02:29:00.000 Get open.

02:29:01.000 Get done.

02:29:02.000 Get down with it, Tommy. 1.00

02:29:04.000 Pass me one of those bitches. 1.00

02:29:05.000 What do you got? 1.00

02:29:06.000 I'm trying Mandarin Orange.

02:29:09.000 I'm giving you Lime.

02:29:10.000 And again, this is not an ad, folks.

02:29:11.000 I don't own Zevia.

02:29:14.000 But I think it's super important to just try. 0.98

02:29:18.000 Even if it's one time for a bet, like Tommy's doing it, just try to be fucking healthy. 0.95

02:29:26.000 Try. 0.98

02:29:26.000 Yeah. 0.98

02:29:27.000 Try, goddammit. 0.97

02:29:27.000 You'll feel better. 0.97

02:29:28.000 That's the thing, is ultimately, even if you don't get to some crazy level, your fantasy level of it, you're still doing better than you were.

02:29:38.000 You still will feel better.

02:29:39.000 You want to get down with the Hulk loads?

02:29:40.000 Yeah, man.

02:29:41.000 I want to try.

02:29:41.000 That's the kale shake.

02:29:42.000 It's called the Hulk loads.

02:29:43.000 Yeah, Hulk loads.

02:29:43.000 I remember.

02:29:43.000 I've heard that.

02:29:44.000 Yeah.

02:29:44.000 You gotta try it.

02:29:45.000 You're gonna drink it, and you're gonna go, holy shit, because you have to kind of chew it as you're swallowing it. 0.98

02:29:50.000 Yeah. 0.98

02:29:50.000 It's like a sludgy sort of a thing. 0.98

02:29:52.000 Yeah.

02:29:53.000 You gotta kind of choke it down.

02:29:56.000 And then we'll work out.

02:29:57.000 We'll make a video.

02:29:57.000 Okay.

02:29:58.000 We'll do it, and then we'll, like, 45 minutes later, we'll work out. 1.00

02:30:00.000 You're gonna be like, holy shit. 0.99

02:30:03.000 Dude, I feel good. 1.00

02:30:04.000 Heavy bag.

02:30:05.000 I got the heavy bag.

02:30:07.000 Let's do that.

02:30:07.000 I got hex squats.

02:30:08.000 Let's do that shit. 1.00

02:30:10.000 Eryptical. 1.00

02:30:11.000 How about we'll do that and then I'll do your podcast.

02:30:13.000 Let's do it.

02:30:14.000 Let's switch it up.

02:30:15.000 Let's do it, man.

02:30:15.000 Are you guys up and running in the new spot?

02:30:17.000 Oh, yeah. 0.99

02:30:17.000 Oh, shit. 0.99

02:30:18.000 Oh, it's ready, man. 1.00

02:30:18.000 Oh, shit. 1.00

02:30:19.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:30:19.000 Are you enjoying it? 1.00

02:30:20.000 Love it.

02:30:21.000 Do you guys stream live?

02:30:23.000 No.

02:30:23.000 Do you make videos and then you put it up later?

02:30:26.000 We have...

02:30:27.000 We have cameras.

02:30:28.000 We've had two cameras set up, one camera set up, where I give it to an editor afterwards.

02:30:33.000 Okay.

02:30:34.000 And he just layers up the high-quality audio with the video.

02:30:40.000 Oh, okay.

02:30:41.000 Oh, that's cool.

02:30:42.000 It goes up every Tuesday night.

02:30:44.000 Okay.

02:30:45.000 So tonight one will go out.

02:30:46.000 So are you guys doing one a week now or are you doing two?

02:30:48.000 It's one a week every single, yeah. 0.64

02:30:49.000 I mean, it's pretty, it sounds funny because we've talked about, like, fucking it feels like there's not time to do anything. 0.68

02:30:55.000 You know, like we feel like it's a lot to get that one done. 0.53

02:30:58.000 And there is a lot of production in that, like, you know, we play the clips and there's all that stuff that goes into it.

02:31:04.000 And then we'll talk about like, dude, one is demanding on us.

02:31:08.000 And then we're like, oh, Joe did three, three and a half hour ones this week.

02:31:12.000 Yeah, but I'm super sloppy and I don't plan out.

02:31:15.000 Well, I'm just saying, you know, it ends up being, they're totally different in like, you know, in shows.

02:31:21.000 But yeah, we do the one consistently every single week.

02:31:24.000 Well, you have a show.

02:31:25.000 Yeah.

02:31:25.000 I mean, your show is a real show.

02:31:27.000 This is like a recording of a conversation.

02:31:29.000 I got it.

02:31:30.000 That's true.

02:31:31.000 So you guys have like a... 1.00

02:31:33.000 You have like a bunch of shit going on that happens over and over again. 0.99

02:31:36.000 You have games you play. 1.00

02:31:36.000 Absolutely, yeah. 1.00

02:31:37.000 Yeah, it's a different animal.

02:31:38.000 You're totally right. 0.78

02:31:40.000 But yeah, I love the new studio space is fucking gorgeous. 0.75

02:31:43.000 It's a film composer's house, so he used to score movies there. 0.94

02:31:47.000 And we have this much too nice studio for where we're doing our fart show.

02:31:53.000 Do you guys have the kind of internet where you could stream at a high level?

02:31:57.000 Yeah, if we went hardwire, yeah, we could do that, sure.

02:32:02.000 Yeah.

02:32:03.000 There's a benefit to that.

02:32:04.000 Like, there's a benefit to that if anything is getting wacky.

02:32:07.000 Yeah.

02:32:08.000 You know, in the world, maybe.

02:32:09.000 Oh, right.

02:32:10.000 You're doing immediate.

02:32:10.000 Maybe you want to stream something live.

02:32:11.000 Yeah.

02:32:12.000 Like, Duncan and I once, we streamed the president addressing the country.

02:32:16.000 Do you still do Ustream?

02:32:18.000 Uh-uh.

02:32:19.000 No, we just do YouTube.

02:32:20.000 We're doing YouTube right now.

02:32:21.000 Oh, it's YouTube Live.

02:32:21.000 Yeah.

02:32:22.000 Okay.

02:32:22.000 Yeah.

02:32:22.000 It was just more versatile.

02:32:24.000 Yeah.

02:32:24.000 And it didn't mess up as much.

02:32:26.000 We had problems.

02:32:27.000 Yeah.

02:32:28.000 But I think Ustream's better now.

02:32:30.000 But they're always upgrading.

02:32:32.000 And it was great, though.

02:32:34.000 I mean, it still allowed us to do this in the first place.

02:32:37.000 But YouTube also...

02:32:39.000 It's just more used by people.

02:32:43.000 Sure.

02:32:44.000 So we watched the president talk about Syria.

02:32:47.000 Like, Duncan and I watched it live, and we were talking about it live while it was happening.

02:32:51.000 Wow.

02:32:51.000 Almost like a fight companion presidential address.

02:32:54.000 And it was just real weird, man.

02:32:56.000 Those fight companions are massive, right? 0.79

02:32:57.000 Those go nuts.

02:32:59.000 Those are fun as hell.

02:33:00.000 Those are really fun to do.

02:33:02.000 But every time we do them, Eddie Bravo gets drunk and wants to talk about the Illuminati.

02:33:07.000 It's like half the fun of it.

02:33:08.000 The conversation goes everywhere?

02:33:09.000 The conversation goes everywhere, but Eddie Bravo will always bring it around to conspiracy theories.

02:33:13.000 He loves it.

02:33:14.000 Is he still on to the chemtrails?

02:33:15.000 Oh yeah.

02:33:16.000 Yeah, aerosol spraying.

02:33:18.000 Wow.

02:33:19.000 Which, you know, it's probably been done.

02:33:21.000 Yeah.

02:33:21.000 Somewhere.

02:33:22.000 At one point in time, for sure.

02:33:24.000 Listen, 100%. 1.00

02:33:25.000 Someone went in a plane and dumped some shit out of the plane. 1.00

02:33:28.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:33:28.000 For sure. 1.00

02:33:29.000 For sure, the government's done it somewhere.

02:33:32.000 For sure. 1.00

02:33:33.000 For sure, there's probably some evil agency somewhere that has decided to fucking test out some shit on people. 1.00

02:33:40.000 Yep. 0.99

02:33:41.000 And there's been stuff that's been proven, that's been done, like...

02:33:44.000 I want to say it was either Detroit or Chicago.

02:33:49.000 I forget what it was.

02:33:50.000 But they sprayed some particles that they could track.

02:33:55.000 They sprayed it into the air in the city to determine what kind of impact A bomb, like a dirty bomb, or biological warfare, something along those lines.

02:34:10.000 Either a nuclear fallout or biological warfare, like how far it would travel given a certain amount of wind. 0.94

02:34:16.000 So I think they actually used giant fans and shit and blew some stuff in the air and then tracked it. 0.99

02:34:21.000 Let's see how many people get sick. 0.98

02:34:22.000 I don't think they did that, though.

02:34:24.000 They didn't...

02:34:25.000 No, no, no, no.

02:34:25.000 That's where the misconception is.

02:34:27.000 I think what they did was they used a trackable particle.

02:34:30.000 Oh, okay.

02:34:31.000 Because they wanted to figure out how much...

02:34:32.000 The only way to find out, like, say, look, the wind is blowing 20 miles an hour. 0.99

02:34:36.000 Some shit gets blown up 200 miles or 200 feet, rather, above the buildings. 0.97

02:34:42.000 How far is it going to spread? 0.99

02:34:43.000 Yeah.

02:34:43.000 You know?

02:34:43.000 If you're looking at that, the only way to tell is to try out something.

02:34:47.000 So they took some sort of...

02:34:48.000 I think it was like a reflective particle or a traceable particle...

02:34:51.000 So conspiracy theorists always point to that as being, like, proof that they have done that on innocent people.

02:34:58.000 Sure.

02:34:58.000 Which they definitely did.

02:34:59.000 I mean, I don't know what happened to those people. 0.99

02:35:01.000 But shit happens to people all the time. 0.99

02:35:03.000 Of course. 1.00

02:35:03.000 If you're, like, too close to this or too close to that, and then they find out, oh, yeah, that kills you. 1.00

02:35:08.000 Yeah.

02:35:08.000 Turns out you can't do that.

02:35:10.000 Yeah.

02:35:11.000 Unreal.

02:35:11.000 Turns out you can't eat paint.

02:35:13.000 A lot of people do dumb shit. 1.00

02:35:15.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:35:16.000 Dude, did you see that video I put up with that kid doing a fucking front flip over this gigantic overpass? 1.00

02:35:21.000 I saw some dude on top of a building doing retarded shit. 1.00

02:35:24.000 I've done those. 1.00

02:35:25.000 I mean, I put those up. 0.99

02:35:26.000 I put them up every time I can, but I reposted this one of this fucking kid. 0.98

02:35:31.000 He goes running up to the side of this edge and then flips over this impossible distance. 0.99

02:35:37.000 I mean, it's fucking impossible how far he runs. 0.82

02:35:40.000 Watch this. 0.98

02:35:42.000 Oh, my God.

02:35:45.000 Come on.

02:35:45.000 Yep.

02:35:46.000 That's not real, is it?

02:35:47.000 It's 100% real.

02:35:48.000 Really?

02:35:48.000 Look at him do it.

02:35:54.000 Dude, he did a front flip over, like, that's death.

02:35:57.000 Like, if you miss, that's death.

02:35:59.000 You hit that concrete, you break your legs, that's death. 1.00

02:36:02.000 Fuck me, man. 1.00

02:36:05.000 These kids are crazy. 1.00

02:36:06.000 They're doing the nuttiest shit lately. 1.00

02:36:08.000 It's like white people are trying to evolve. 1.00

02:36:11.000 They're trying, white people are trying, they're trying to get, like, crazier and faster. 0.99

02:36:18.000 We need an edge, bro. 0.99

02:36:19.000 We need our edge. 1.00

02:36:20.000 White people are doing ridiculous things. 1.00

02:36:23.000 Asians got the numbers. 1.00

02:36:24.000 Blacks have their music. 0.98

02:36:25.000 Look at this guy. 1.00

02:36:26.000 He's riding a rail over the side of a fucking bridge and the wind is blowing and he's on a bike. 1.00

02:36:33.000 What in the fuck is going through your mind? 1.00

02:36:37.000 While you are risking certain death just slightly to the left of you and you're riding on, what is that, three inches? 1.00

02:36:44.000 How wide is that?

02:36:45.000 Yeah.

02:36:45.000 Three inches?

02:36:45.000 About the size of your dick?

02:36:46.000 About three inches? 1.00

02:36:47.000 I'm more of two and change.

02:36:48.000 You're girthy?

02:36:49.000 Yeah.

02:36:49.000 No, I'm definitely thinner.

02:36:51.000 I'm thin and curly. 1.00

02:36:54.000 Like a duck's dick? 1.00

02:36:55.000 Yeah, man. 1.00

02:36:56.000 Goes around and around. 0.99

02:36:57.000 Have you ever seen a duck's dick? 0.99

02:36:59.000 I haven't. 1.00

02:37:00.000 I think I've seen a pig's dick. 1.00

02:37:01.000 Maybe I've seen a duck's dick. 1.00

02:37:03.000 My friend Andreas Antonopoulos is a Bitcoin expert. 1.00

02:37:06.000 Explained to me about duck dicks.

02:37:07.000 He gave me slightly wrong information.

02:37:09.000 He said they were like four feet long.

02:37:10.000 Turns out they are about 13 inches long now. 1.00

02:37:13.000 That's a big old dick. 1.00

02:37:13.000 Big old hog. 1.00

02:37:14.000 Yeah, they have these crazy dicks, and their dicks are like, when they're extended out, they're like almost as long as their body. 1.00

02:37:20.000 It's really weird. 1.00

02:37:21.000 And these ducks, their dicks are twisty, and the female duck's vagina is like a fucking twisty mountain road, and he's got to find a way in, and the female can let him in. 1.00

02:37:33.000 That's what their dick looks like. 1.00

02:37:35.000 That's one obviously with no duck. 1.00

02:37:38.000 That's a homeless dick. 0.99

02:37:40.000 Look at that thing. 1.00

02:37:41.000 Isn't that insane?

02:37:42.000 Yeah.

02:37:42.000 The pictures of these ducks, that's a little bit...

02:37:48.000 A little bit exaggerated because it's an illustration.

02:37:51.000 Yeah.

02:37:51.000 Yeah, that's a real duck.

02:37:52.000 It's like a corkscrew.

02:37:52.000 And that one's, obviously he's dead, so it's probably not hard.

02:37:56.000 Right? 0.99

02:37:57.000 But it's this crazy weird thing where the male penis has to go through this weird kind of twisty-turny corridor in the female duck, and the female duck can decide to let him in or not. 0.98

02:38:10.000 She can just shut him down. 0.99

02:38:12.000 And they're super rapey. 0.99

02:38:14.000 Really aggressive. 0.88

02:38:15.000 Yeah, look at that one white one on top of the other one, that one bird. 0.55

02:38:17.000 Look at that.

02:38:18.000 That's what they do.

02:38:19.000 They just jack each other. 1.00

02:38:21.000 Yeah, he looks like he's talking shit, too. 1.00

02:38:22.000 He's right over here. 1.00

02:38:23.000 And we can look at them and we can say, aw, that's rude.

02:38:26.000 That's horrible. 1.00

02:38:27.000 Why don't we stop and pause and realize this is the same fucking kind of animal that we just saw swoop down and jack that other fucking bird right out of a tree. 0.99

02:38:38.000 What distance do you think he saw that bird from when he decided? 0.99

02:38:41.000 The owl?

02:38:41.000 Probably a long way.

02:38:42.000 They could probably see like a mile.

02:38:43.000 That far?

02:38:44.000 Yeah, they probably could see ridiculous distances. 0.64

02:38:46.000 There's a lot of animals that could see ridiculous distances. 0.78

02:38:49.000 A turkey apparently has insane vision. 0.64

02:38:51.000 They say a turkey...

02:38:52.000 You ever look through binoculars?

02:38:54.000 Like, you ever been glassing?

02:38:55.000 I've glassed before, yeah.

02:38:57.000 On boats, mostly.

02:38:59.000 Let me give you some glass and knowledge, Tommy.

02:39:01.000 Yeah.

02:39:01.000 Your average binoculars that a hunter or sportsman or a bird watcher will take in the woods, there's a bunch of varieties.

02:39:09.000 For hunting, usually people either go with 10x42 or 8x42.

02:39:15.000 It's like eight times the size, and 42 is the aspect ratio, the width of the image that you're looking at.

02:39:22.000 Okay.

02:39:23.000 A good pair of binoculars is like a 10x42.

02:39:26.000 A turkey naturally sees 20x.

02:39:30.000 So a turkey naturally sees 20 times better than you.

02:39:34.000 Really?

02:39:35.000 Yep.

02:39:35.000 And they see you in full color.

02:39:37.000 So they can see you.

02:39:39.000 They see you.

02:39:40.000 They see you better than you see you.

02:39:41.000 So you literally have to be completely covered up if you want to hunt turkeys.

02:39:44.000 You have to cover your face up.

02:39:46.000 You have to cover your hair up.

02:39:47.000 They look right at you.

02:39:48.000 They know that's a person. 1.00

02:39:49.000 Let me get the fuck out of here. 1.00

02:39:50.000 They see you from way off. 0.99

02:39:52.000 Wow.

02:39:52.000 Because the life of a turkey is so brutal, most turkeys don't get to be too.

02:39:57.000 Most of them.

02:39:58.000 Yeah, most of them that survive at all, like when they're little, coyotes jack them.

02:40:02.000 I had no idea they had that kind of vision.

02:40:04.000 Insane vision.

02:40:04.000 Yeah.

02:40:05.000 Yeah, insane.

02:40:05.000 My vision's been deteriorating.

02:40:07.000 Mine too.

02:40:08.000 I started wearing reading glasses.

02:40:09.000 Me too.

02:40:10.000 Yeah.

02:40:10.000 It's brutal.

02:40:11.000 My dad glasses, yeah.

02:40:12.000 Yeah.

02:40:13.000 I just accepted it.

02:40:14.000 Yeah, me too.

02:40:15.000 I'm not fighting it.

02:40:16.000 It is what it is.

02:40:16.000 Apparently there's some exercises that you can do to get better at it, but I'm so lazy.

02:40:21.000 People try to convince you to do LASIK? No.

02:40:23.000 Because LASIK doesn't work on someone who has macular degeneration, like when you get older.

02:40:30.000 Oh.

02:40:30.000 Like what you're having when you get older, when you're losing your close vision.

02:40:35.000 Mm-hmm.

02:40:36.000 I forget, somebody told me the actual term of it, like my friend Steve, who's an ophthalmologist, he actually told me the term of it.

02:40:46.000 Ocular degeneration, maybe?

02:40:48.000 Looking up treatments for macular degeneration.

02:40:52.000 Laser therapy is one.

02:40:53.000 You can have injections into your eye.

02:40:56.000 Google, instead of that, Google nearsightedness due to old age.

02:41:01.000 Do you know what the latest technology is, by the way?

02:41:04.000 Fake eyes.

02:41:05.000 They're going to give you eyes or you can stare straight in the sun.

02:41:07.000 My ophthalmologist told me he was part of the team that developed it.

02:41:10.000 They sew lenses, corrective lenses, into your eyes now.

02:41:17.000 Are you down with that?

02:41:18.000 No.

02:41:18.000 He was like, you don't need it.

02:41:20.000 He told me, I don't know.

02:41:21.000 He goes, you don't need it.

02:41:22.000 He goes, but if you had worse vision, it's definitely something we would do.

02:41:25.000 Here's the thing.

02:41:25.000 Like, when you're looking at something, like, I see you perfectly.

02:41:28.000 I mean, if I put glasses on, I'll probably see you a little better.

02:41:32.000 Like, let me say...

02:41:34.000 Eh, slightly.

02:41:35.000 You've got like a light dullness to you.

02:41:38.000 Personality-wise?

02:41:39.000 No, no, no.

02:41:40.000 Your personality's amazing. 0.99

02:41:42.000 A lot of people have been shitting on you lately. 0.99

02:41:43.000 I don't know why. 0.99

02:41:44.000 Hey, man. 1.00

02:41:45.000 That's one of the backhanded fuck-with-your-head compliments. 1.00

02:41:47.000 Dude, a lot of people say you suck. 1.00

02:41:49.000 I don't agree at all. 0.99

02:41:49.000 I think you're amazing. 0.99

02:41:50.000 I've always had a thing for you. 1.00

02:41:51.000 What the fuck, dude? 1.00

02:41:53.000 But up close, big difference. 1.00

02:41:55.000 At a distance, I can see crystal clear.

02:41:57.000 Like that sign that says on air, I see that.

02:41:59.000 It's very sharp.

02:42:00.000 But when I look at things like on my phone...

02:42:02.000 Same way, man.

02:42:04.000 Reading computers, phones.

02:42:05.000 I used to be able to read it perfectly.

02:42:07.000 It snuck up on me, man.

02:42:08.000 It snuck up on me.

02:42:09.000 Some people say it's from staring at screens.

02:42:10.000 Some people say it's just a function of being older.

02:42:13.000 Some people say that there's a combination of factors, but also one thing that doesn't help is that we're constantly staring at something that's a fixed distance.

02:42:20.000 Right.

02:42:21.000 Yeah.

02:42:21.000 And the way some people put it is that it's like, who was the woman?

02:42:25.000 Katie Bowman.

02:42:26.000 Katie Bowman, when she was on the podcast, she's an expert in human movement, and she believes she's got a lot of pretty nutty ideas.

02:42:34.000 Like, they don't use furniture.

02:42:36.000 They sleep on the floor.

02:42:37.000 Yeah.

02:42:38.000 And she thinks that, like, looking at something that's, like, really close distance is like having a cast for your eyes, almost.

02:42:45.000 Like, you can put your arm in a cast, it atrophies.

02:42:47.000 Right.

02:42:47.000 Because you're not using it the right way.

02:42:49.000 We've been like this for years.

02:42:50.000 Yeah, we've been looking at screens.

02:42:52.000 That's not a bad theory at least. 0.83

02:42:54.000 Dude, I got super baked once and Aubrey and I did a podcast and I went off on this tangent that's been fucking with me ever since.

02:43:00.000 We were talking about screens that if you looked at human beings and if you didn't know anything about us, you'd be like, oh, they worship the screens. 0.55

02:43:08.000 Because all we do, you get up in the morning, you check your phone, you check your email, you go to work, you stare at your screen in a cubicle, you come home, you watch a little TV, you go on the weekend, oh, we're going to go see a flick. 1.00

02:43:19.000 You're staring at fucking screens. 0.99

02:43:20.000 Like, if something that didn't understand... 1.00

02:43:22.000 For a long time, yeah.

02:43:23.000 Yeah, something that didn't understand what those images were, or didn't care, or was trying to judge you based entirely on your actual movement and interaction, they would be like, oh my god, they're slaves to the screen.

02:43:34.000 Like, they don't even understand.

02:43:35.000 We have to get in these screens.

02:43:37.000 Well, we're slaves to watching these screens.

02:43:40.000 If you stop and think about how often you spend your time staring at a screen.

02:43:45.000 It's significant.

02:43:46.000 It's significant.

02:43:47.000 It's giant.

02:43:48.000 It's hours and hours of almost everybody's life.

02:43:50.000 When you put it that way, it's depressing, too.

02:43:52.000 It's really depressing.

02:43:53.000 It's weird.

02:43:54.000 It's weird because it's not staring at the screen.

02:43:57.000 We're watching Westworld.

02:43:58.000 I'm checking my Twitter.

02:43:59.000 I'm checking my email.

02:44:01.000 I'm taking a photo.

02:44:01.000 I'm going to put it on Instagram.

02:44:03.000 Let's make a video.

02:44:04.000 Hey, let's make a video of you eating the kale shake. 0.85

02:44:06.000 Let's put it on YouTube.

02:44:08.000 But what's ultimately going on is people are interacting with screens to get all this energy and you want a better screen all the time.

02:44:15.000 You want to constantly have this bitch faster and upgrade it, and it wants to do more things, and now it's virtual. 1.00

02:44:21.000 Now you can get the screen, and it's in your head. 0.92

02:44:23.000 You can see 360 degrees all around you.

02:44:26.000 And then it's just more and more and more screens.

02:44:29.000 All right, man. 0.99

02:44:30.000 You fucking scared me. 0.99

02:44:30.000 Are you happy now? 0.99

02:44:31.000 I sparked this joint back.

02:44:32.000 Oh, my God.

02:44:33.000 Freaking myself out, bro.

02:44:34.000 Yeah.

02:44:36.000 Do you worry about screens, Tommy?

02:44:38.000 Worry about them haunting you?

02:44:39.000 No.

02:44:40.000 Do they call you at night?

02:44:41.000 Check your phone.

02:44:41.000 No, I want to be in screen.

02:44:42.000 Somebody might have texted in the night.

02:44:43.000 I want to be in screen tonight.

02:44:44.000 I do look at screens.

02:44:45.000 I get yelled at for checking the phone too much.

02:44:47.000 Yeah, I do.

02:44:48.000 I was proud of myself today.

02:44:50.000 Just for not checking?

02:44:51.000 I left my phone in the car when I took my yoga class.

02:44:53.000 And then you...

02:44:54.000 Ran out to it afterwards.

02:44:56.000 Yeah, yeah.

02:44:56.000 Just check.

02:44:57.000 Make sure some new crazy shit didn't go on in the world. 0.99

02:45:00.000 It's addictive. 1.00

02:45:00.000 So addictive. 1.00

02:45:01.000 Yeah.

02:45:02.000 It's a real addiction, too.

02:45:04.000 I see it.

02:45:06.000 Christina always talks about it.

02:45:07.000 We're at restaurants, you know, and you see the family together.

02:45:10.000 Oh, yeah.

02:45:10.000 Constantly.

02:45:11.000 Probably looking at my family.

02:45:12.000 Yeah, that kid is...

02:45:13.000 Probably looking at me.

02:45:14.000 The kid is like...

02:45:16.000 You know, and there's no interaction at the table.

02:45:18.000 Yeah. 0.89

02:45:18.000 Well, when we're at, all bullshit aside, when they get tired, like when kids get tired, this is what you find, too. 0.89

02:45:25.000 No, it's good. 1.00

02:45:26.000 You can kill that. 1.00

02:45:27.000 And especially if you want to have a conversation with them.

02:45:29.000 It's not a bad thing to occasionally let them look at an iPad or play a game, like if it's on a plane or something like that.

02:45:36.000 Sure.

02:45:37.000 Oftentimes, you can get the same kid, especially if they like books.

02:45:45.000 Just give them a book to read.

02:45:47.000 So instead of sitting there playing a game, which is kind of mindless, they're reading a book, which can kind of expand their imagination.

02:45:54.000 However, there's also some arguments against that it's mindless.

02:45:58.000 Because there's a lot of arguments about video games.

02:46:01.000 That although video games are kind of problematic for little kids because they do just become super addictive, they also can expand your mind.

02:46:09.000 And there's examples of people that have done tests that have shown that video games actually can make you smarter because they make you constantly exercising parts of your brain that solve problems.

02:46:20.000 Dude, I don't doubt that at all.

02:46:23.000 Depends on the game, right?

02:46:24.000 Depends on the game.

02:46:25.000 Depends on, yes, on the system.

02:46:26.000 But there's definitely games you can play where I feel like there's something going on in your brain when you're efficient.

02:46:35.000 You're at a higher level performing in that game where if you put somebody slower into the same game, they can't do it.

02:46:45.000 They're not moving at that.

02:46:47.000 I'm not saying that that means you're going to be great at everything, but there's something in your brain Functioning, moving well, to be able to put together how to play this game and play it really high level.

02:46:58.000 Yeah, man.

02:46:59.000 And there's people that, there's people you can, I mean, have you ever tried to show someone how to play a game and they just can't get it?

02:47:05.000 Yeah.

02:47:05.000 You can't get it.

02:47:06.000 Yeah.

02:47:06.000 They don't know how to do it.

02:47:07.000 Or they don't have any desire, so they never try.

02:47:09.000 Yeah, that's, I mean, but I've seen people try, which I think stands out more.

02:47:13.000 You know, they just are not good at it.

02:47:15.000 You know, you go, you need a lot more practice.

02:47:17.000 Whereas some people can just pick up.

02:47:20.000 And I think those people come from a world of playing growing up, right?

02:47:24.000 Like, imagine today's kid, who's born now, playing these level games that are out now.

02:47:30.000 How he's gonna be fluent in that whole technology cyber stuff in 15, 20 years.

02:47:39.000 Yeah, you gotta work him through it, right?

02:47:41.000 Yeah.

02:47:41.000 Like, my six-year-old is just now figuring out that she can't beat me in tic-tac-toe.

02:47:45.000 Really? 1.00

02:47:46.000 She's like, this motherfucker. 1.00

02:47:47.000 I can't beat him. 1.00

02:47:48.000 I'm like, you're never going to win.

02:47:49.000 I go, it's going to be a draw every time.

02:47:51.000 Really?

02:47:52.000 Yeah.

02:47:52.000 She's like, why?

02:47:53.000 I go, because it's a dumb game. 0.99

02:47:54.000 It's a dumb game that puzzles you when you're young. 1.00

02:47:56.000 But as you get older, you realize tic-tac-toe is fucking stupid. 1.00

02:48:00.000 Unless you can make two moves in a row, it's fucking dumb. 1.00

02:48:03.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:48:03.000 You know, because you do this, oh, I'm going to see you're going to go over here, so I'll do that. 1.00

02:48:06.000 I'll do that, yeah.

02:48:07.000 And you do this, oh, well, I'm going to go over here, so you can't do that.

02:48:09.000 And then, oh, well, draw.

02:48:11.000 There's another draw.

02:48:12.000 And you draw every time?

02:48:13.000 Every time.

02:48:14.000 And she never loses again?

02:48:15.000 I don't let her screw up.

02:48:15.000 No, I don't let her screw up.

02:48:16.000 Oh, okay, okay.

02:48:18.000 I've beaten her before, but now I offer some sort of a path.

02:48:23.000 I'm like, think about what's going on here.

02:48:25.000 Oh, she goes, oh, yeah, okay.

02:48:27.000 Yeah, that's cool.

02:48:27.000 I give her a little pause.

02:48:28.000 I don't go, oh, you fucked up! 1.00

02:48:30.000 Right, right. 1.00

02:48:30.000 You suck. 1.00

02:48:31.000 You don't do that. 1.00

02:48:32.000 I try to teach her along the way.

02:48:34.000 Because she's only six. 0.99

02:48:34.000 If she's 16, then I'm still kicking her ass at Tic Tac Tell. 0.99

02:48:37.000 Listen, dummy. 1.00

02:48:41.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:48:41.000 What a waste tuition was on your ass. 1.00

02:48:43.000 The only way someone beats you at tic-tac-toe is if you're not paying attention, right? 1.00

02:48:46.000 True.

02:48:46.000 Yeah, you have to miss something if you're keyed into it.

02:48:49.000 Unless there's some crazy move that I don't know about.

02:48:51.000 I haven't played in a while, so it's hard to say, actually.

02:48:53.000 Is there a World Tic-Tac-Toe Championship?

02:48:55.000 I'm sure there is.

02:48:56.000 If you had to guess.

02:48:57.000 Yes.

02:48:58.000 How smart is a person that won it? 1.00

02:49:00.000 Fucking genius. 1.00

02:49:02.000 Stephen Hawking level shit. 1.00

02:49:04.000 Who is he playing? 1.00

02:49:06.000 Neil deGrasse Tyson?

02:49:07.000 Imagine Neil deGrasse Tyson and Richard Dawkins in a tic-tac-toe competition.

02:49:12.000 Do you say that at the end of tic-tac-toe?

02:49:14.000 Forget.

02:49:14.000 Is that supposed to be the call of the winner?

02:49:16.000 Yeah, you're supposed to say tic-tac-toe, I guess, but nobody ever does.

02:49:18.000 It's like trick-or-treat. 1.00

02:49:19.000 The little fuckers just show up with open bags. 1.00

02:49:21.000 Put it in, man. 1.00

02:49:22.000 Stare at you.

02:49:23.000 You got Snickers?

02:49:24.000 I got it.

02:49:24.000 It's weird when you see that one kid that's just a little too old for trick-or-treat and starts to get creepy.

02:49:30.000 It's like trick-or-treating is fun up until about 16. How do you handle it in your neighborhood?

02:49:34.000 Pshh.

02:49:34.000 Give them candy.

02:49:35.000 No, but do you have everyone come to the front door?

02:49:40.000 It's a whole thing?

02:49:41.000 Yeah, they ring doorbells, and we go walking around the neighborhood, too.

02:49:46.000 It's fun. 0.99

02:49:47.000 Kids fucking love it. 0.99

02:49:48.000 Yeah, well, Halloween. 0.99

02:49:50.000 Well, no, some places, they do it like the kids will go out the day before, depending on the day of the week.

02:49:57.000 Ugh.

02:49:58.000 You can't do that.

02:50:00.000 No? 1.00

02:50:00.000 You gotta do Halloween when it's Halloween, you motherfuckers. 1.00

02:50:03.000 I haven't been out in a while. 1.00

02:50:03.000 What, are you trying to take over America? 1.00

02:50:05.000 I know.

02:50:06.000 There's a coup going on.

02:50:07.000 Haven't you been paying attention?

02:50:08.000 The Russians have canceled Halloween. 1.00

02:50:13.000 Motherfuckers. 1.00

02:50:13.000 I just thought about how dumb my... 1.00

02:50:14.000 I go, so would you have a day that you do it? 0.98

02:50:16.000 And you go, yeah, it's Halloween. 0.99

02:50:17.000 It's fucking Halloween. 1.00

02:50:19.000 It's pot, man. 1.00

02:50:20.000 It's goddamn pot. 1.00

02:50:21.000 It's terrible for you. 1.00

02:50:22.000 Terrible, man. 1.00

02:50:24.000 It just makes you dumb. 1.00

02:50:25.000 It makes you ask questions you should have thought through. 0.99

02:50:28.000 Yeah.

02:50:28.000 Like, what day is Halloween?

02:50:29.000 I said, The same day every year?

02:50:31.000 That's a weird thing about Thanksgiving.

02:50:33.000 Thanksgiving's not the same day every year, right?

02:50:35.000 Because it's on Thursday always.

02:50:37.000 Right.

02:50:37.000 So the number, right?

02:50:38.000 The date.

02:50:39.000 It's always that third Thursday, is it? 1.00

02:50:41.000 What kind of stupid shit is that? 1.00

02:50:42.000 I don't know. 1.00

02:50:42.000 Why is it fucking Thursday? 1.00

02:50:44.000 Why are you pretending that those goddamn pilgrims ever sat down with those Native Americans like that? 1.00

02:50:49.000 That shit didn't happen. 1.00

02:50:50.000 They didn't even speak the same language. 0.99

02:50:52.000 Those original people that landed...

02:50:54.000 Have you ever read some of the accounts of Christopher Columbus's atrocities that he committed?

02:50:58.000 I know that there's a lot of people that are appalled by...

02:51:02.000 Columbus Day?

02:51:03.000 Yeah, for sure.

02:51:04.000 How is it still a day?

02:51:05.000 I think it's outrageous.

02:51:06.000 Do you ever think about what you learned in school about Thanksgiving?

02:51:10.000 How nice they made it?

02:51:11.000 How do we not have a Native American day, but we have a Columbus day?

02:51:14.000 That's really outrageous.

02:51:15.000 Yeah, I know.

02:51:16.000 And Thanksgiving, they used to be like, and then this guy was like, are you eating alone?

02:51:21.000 Sit over here.

02:51:21.000 And then that's how they became best friends.

02:51:24.000 Like, that's how they taught us in school.

02:51:26.000 And they ate turkey.

02:51:27.000 Yeah.

02:51:27.000 And then they were like, even though you're different, let's all hang out.

02:51:30.000 Let me tell you something.

02:51:31.000 They weren't shooting many turkeys.

02:51:32.000 Yeah.

02:51:32.000 Unless the turkeys didn't know any better.

02:51:34.000 Right. 1.00

02:51:34.000 As soon as the turkeys figured out what the fuck they were doing, they were like, oh yeah, you can't shoot us like that. 1.00

02:51:39.000 We're just gonna fucking fly away. 1.00

02:51:41.000 The turkeys were looking over that meadow like... 0.98

02:51:42.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:51:42.000 They had those shitty guns, those musket guns, those flints and shit. 1.00

02:51:47.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:51:48.000 Those things were inaccurate.

02:51:49.000 Push it down.

02:51:49.000 Yeah.

02:51:50.000 Well, not in the distance.

02:51:51.000 I mean, I don't know how far they could shoot those things, but...

02:51:54.000 They were shooting deer, most likely.

02:51:56.000 They were eating deers.

02:51:57.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:51:58.000 Thanksgiving should be more like the fucking purge, right? 0.99

02:52:00.000 It should be just a bloodbath holiday. 1.00

02:52:02.000 You get to kill everybody. 0.99

02:52:04.000 It's Thanksgiving, just like our ancestors did. 0.98

02:52:07.000 Well, it's not our ancestors.

02:52:09.000 I don't know.

02:52:09.000 Mine came over in a boat pretty recently.

02:52:11.000 Like, I could track mine.

02:52:12.000 Yeah.

02:52:13.000 So if anybody says, like, hey, man, you know, your ancestors...

02:52:18.000 Nope.

02:52:19.000 They didn't do anything.

02:52:20.000 Didn't own any slaves.

02:52:21.000 Came over from Italy in the 1900s.

02:52:23.000 I tracked mine back to 1700s.

02:52:26.000 That's when they came over here?

02:52:26.000 Yeah.

02:52:27.000 Oh yeah, you're a killer. 1.00

02:52:28.000 Your whole family's responsible for atrocities. 1.00

02:52:31.000 This guy, actually, we got a report on him at a family reunion. 1.00

02:52:34.000 Oh shit. 0.99

02:52:36.000 The guy who came over? 1.00

02:52:37.000 Yeah.

02:52:38.000 What was he like? 1.00

02:52:39.000 They say he was a real piece of shit. 1.00

02:52:40.000 It kind of ruined the family reunion. 1.00

02:52:42.000 Yeah.

02:52:42.000 It was not real cool.

02:52:44.000 What did he do?

02:52:44.000 Murdered somebody.

02:52:46.000 It was a Spanish guy.

02:52:48.000 It came from Andalusia.

02:52:50.000 And he, yeah, he really, they said, you know, they read his will.

02:52:55.000 And they're like, and then he left 30 slaves to this person.

02:52:58.000 They're like, oh, you want to get another drink?

02:52:59.000 This is getting uncomfortable.

02:53:01.000 And then they said he killed somebody in Louisiana.

02:53:04.000 And they're like, and he hung someone from this tree.

02:53:07.000 And it was like a real savage dude.

02:53:09.000 Wow.

02:53:10.000 Yeah.

02:53:10.000 That's in your blood, and you're the nicest guy ever.

02:53:12.000 I know, man.

02:53:13.000 How'd that happen?

02:53:13.000 I don't know.

02:53:14.000 But, you know, that's my granddad.

02:53:17.000 Great-granddad or granddad?

02:53:19.000 Oh, no, this is like great-great-great-great. 0.97

02:53:21.000 I'm like, damn, how old do your people live? 1.00

02:53:22.000 No, no, ten greats, man. 0.99

02:53:24.000 It's super removed from me.

02:53:26.000 That's amazing.

02:53:26.000 Your people live forever.

02:53:28.000 No, this guy would come over in the early 1700s.

02:53:33.000 It's so weird to think that a human being gets, if they're super, super lucky, they get like 90 years of life.

02:53:39.000 And while that life is going on, you're just trying to figure out what's happening.

02:53:45.000 What are you doing?

02:53:46.000 Why are we gathering together in these cities?

02:53:48.000 Why are we going to work?

02:53:50.000 Why are we going home and going to sleep?

02:53:51.000 Why are we doing this?

02:53:52.000 What are we doing?

02:53:53.000 Why are we staring at screens?

02:53:55.000 Why am I bringing slaves?

02:53:57.000 Did you ever think about, as you get older, staying as a funny comic?

02:54:03.000 You know what I mean?

02:54:04.000 Did that ever occur to you?

02:54:05.000 What does that mean?

02:54:07.000 Maybe you should try to be funny.

02:54:09.000 Maybe you should plan on being funny.

02:54:11.000 Have you ever thought about being a funny comedian?

02:54:13.000 Have you ever thought about being funny?

02:54:15.000 I'm saying that, in general, we have this sort of outlook that Being funny, comedy, in general, I'm saying, is a younger person's kind of thing, right?

02:54:25.000 Right.

02:54:26.000 Up until a certain age.

02:54:27.000 Yes.

02:54:28.000 What is that age?

02:54:29.000 I don't know.

02:54:31.000 Well, it's like there's really funny guys that are 60, like Ron White.

02:54:35.000 100%, man.

02:54:36.000 I totally agree.

02:54:37.000 I'm saying, like, did you ever think as you're going through your 40s, like, am I still in that circle?

02:54:46.000 I mean, it sounds like lame to say it, but like, cool, funny, as opposed to like, oh, that guy's older.

02:54:51.000 You know, like, do you ever process that as you age?

02:54:55.000 Or no, it's never like a methodical thought, you know?

02:54:58.000 Well, I try not to think like that because that doesn't seem to have any upside.

02:55:04.000 That seems like a very limiting thought.

02:55:06.000 And there's nothing you can do about it if you are an older person.

02:55:09.000 So you just focus on it.

02:55:11.000 To cut that off at the path, I just try to do my best.

02:55:16.000 So I feel like if you're living your life and you're in the moment, you're trying to do your best.

02:55:20.000 And obviously you're going to fall out of that back and forth and left and right.

02:55:23.000 You're going to have good days and bad days.

02:55:25.000 When you have a mindset or if you're trying to...

02:55:29.000 Trying to do your best at something or trying to enjoy your life in a balanced, happy way.

02:55:35.000 It's not always a super smooth path.

02:55:39.000 There's a lot of mistakes and hiccups along the way.

02:55:42.000 And the whole thing is about having an idea of what you're trying to do, have an idea of how you're trying to live and how you want to feel and how you want to affect people, and then figuring out your way through that path.

02:55:53.000 And then as you keep doing it, you keep getting better at it.

02:55:55.000 Sure.

02:55:56.000 And I think that if that's the case, if you're living your life like that, if you're trying to make this path through your existence, it'll at least leave you in a place where you're constantly trying to have fun and you're constantly trying to improve,

02:56:13.000 and I think you'll get better feelings out of it.

02:56:15.000 Yeah.

02:56:16.000 But at the end of the day, it's still the same thing.

02:56:19.000 It's still this strange, temporary existence where you're awake and conscious for a certain amount of time Every day, but then you're unconscious for a certain amount of time every day, and you're ultimately going to shut off.

02:56:33.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

02:56:34.000 It's all going to go down.

02:56:36.000 It doesn't matter what you're doing.

02:56:38.000 I was looking at these photos of Red Buttons and Jerry Lewis at these events.

02:56:45.000 You could buy a ticket to.

02:56:47.000 Okay, so they become undeniably older comics.

02:56:50.000 Right, and I saw the audience was all very old, and I wondered, like, is this a...

02:56:57.000 Is this a thing that happened at a moment?

02:57:00.000 Dude, George Carlin.

02:57:01.000 Was 70 and still drawing in...

02:57:04.000 Young guys.

02:57:04.000 Absolutely.

02:57:05.000 Young people, rather.

02:57:06.000 Young women, too.

02:57:07.000 So that's a great counter to it.

02:57:09.000 So is it that those guys, that's what I'm saying, stopped being funny to a certain generation, or they stopped trying, or they just got, I don't know, so old, you know?

02:57:19.000 Yeah.

02:57:19.000 It could be a bunch of those things.

02:57:20.000 It could be taking care of your health.

02:57:22.000 It could be touring and working a lot.

02:57:25.000 George Carlin was touring constantly.

02:57:27.000 Constantly.

02:57:28.000 Yeah.

02:57:28.000 He would put out a whole new hour every year.

02:57:30.000 Unbelievable.

02:57:31.000 And he was still really funny at 70. Like, really funny.

02:57:35.000 And he also had taken on the role of the angry curmudgeon.

02:57:38.000 You know, this just angry...

02:57:41.000 Older comic who's also very wise and very liberal.

02:57:45.000 I love the character.

02:57:46.000 Yeah.

02:57:47.000 I mean, I love that point of view.

02:57:48.000 Angry, old liberal.

02:57:49.000 It's pretty funny.

02:57:50.000 Fascinating guy.

02:57:51.000 Yeah.

02:57:52.000 And stayed relevant, rather, to the very end of his life and died, I believe, in a hotel room after a show.

02:57:59.000 Yeah.

02:57:59.000 I think he died in his sleep.

02:58:01.000 I think it was one of those things.

02:58:02.000 Had a heart attack.

02:58:03.000 It's crazy.

02:58:03.000 Did he?

02:58:04.000 Yeah, I remember he went to, I want to say a Santa Monica hospital.

02:58:07.000 Well, he had issues with pills, too, man.

02:58:11.000 Yeah.

02:58:12.000 He was pretty forthcoming about that.

02:58:14.000 He had some coke problems from earlier.

02:58:16.000 Yeah.

02:58:17.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:58:18.000 All that shit contributes. 1.00

02:58:19.000 The pills are the most shocking, the way they deteriorate people. 1.00

02:58:22.000 Yeah.

02:58:23.000 He was so funny at 70, man.

02:58:24.000 He was so funny at 70. I mean, to think that that dude was 70. Killing.

02:58:28.000 Still killing. 0.97

02:58:29.000 Yeah.

02:58:30.000 Yeah.

02:58:31.000 So are you thinking about this now because you're a father now and you're thinking you're getting older, you're getting into your 40s?

02:58:36.000 Yeah, sure.

02:58:37.000 It's one of those things that...

02:58:38.000 What I actually think is that I'll think about that, I'll look at people older than me.

02:58:45.000 Then one of the things that I find inspiring is that I feel like people at the top of their game in stand-up right now are essentially all 10 to 15 years older than me.

02:58:55.000 So I find that to be a very...

02:58:58.000 Inspiring thought, you know?

02:58:59.000 Like, everybody is like late 40s, even early 50s, and you're like, oh, it's just one of those things you go like, oh, you can be better, you can still do greater things, be funny, like, develop more into your 40s.

02:59:13.000 Whereas I think as a young comic, when you're 20, all you hear about is like 10 years, 10 years, 10 years.

02:59:18.000 So you go, that must be the place to get to 10 years.

02:59:22.000 So when I'm 30, that'll be my development.

02:59:24.000 So you realize you can keep working.

02:59:26.000 Also, when you're thinking about the body of stand-up that's been before you, there's so many great comedians that have done so many great CDs and DVDs and all these different things.

02:59:36.000 One of the things that separates you from maybe a guy that lived 20 years ago is that you're also playing off the body of work of all these people that came before you.

02:59:47.000 True.

02:59:48.000 Because they set this bar, and you've been inspired by their comedy, and you've been inspired by...

02:59:53.000 We're good to go. 1.00

03:00:13.000 Being a dumbass. 1.00

03:00:14.000 Sure. 1.00

03:00:15.000 Your understanding of the world then would embarrass you today.

03:00:21.000 And sometimes it does.

03:00:23.000 For everybody.

03:00:23.000 For sure.

03:00:24.000 For everybody.

03:00:24.000 There's no doubt about it.

03:00:26.000 Unless you're born the perfect person, you're a work in progress. 0.92

03:00:29.000 If you have any self-reflection, you look back and you're like, I can't believe I fucking used to think that.

03:00:33.000 But that's just a matter of getting better at life. 0.94

03:00:36.000 But there's also nothing wrong with being Jerry Lewis or Red Buttons or any of these guys and just killing Tom when you get older and hanging out and just stopping the grind.

03:00:46.000 I was thinking about that just in the shower the other day.

03:00:49.000 I'd seen a picture of that. 0.98

03:00:51.000 And I was like, I'm going to be 80 in my fucking red jacket, in my fucking, you know, corduroy, and I'm going to go, and my fans will be like the fans that saw me 50 years ago, and I'll just be in there. 0.99

03:01:04.000 Like Rodney. 0.99

03:01:05.000 Yeah, man.

03:01:06.000 And I was actually happy with that thought, too.

03:01:09.000 That's a good thought.

03:01:10.000 Yeah.

03:01:11.000 Yeah, you can't freak on that, man.

03:01:13.000 That is what it is.

03:01:13.000 It might not even be real.

03:01:14.000 You might wake up tomorrow exactly the same age, and you might be programmed with this intermittent memory.

03:01:19.000 But every time you wake up, you pretend that you have this past that you're trying to get better than.

03:01:24.000 But the reality is, this same day has always been your life. 0.99

03:01:28.000 Why are you fucking with me, man? 1.00

03:01:29.000 Over and over and over again. 1.00

03:01:30.000 So everything that's happened other than this moment, this conversation, has been bullshit. 1.00

03:01:33.000 It's all just been fiber-optically implanted into that grain in the back of your ear. 0.99

03:01:38.000 Does Jamie press a button and then this happens?

03:01:40.000 Boo! 0.97

03:01:42.000 This is what's happening with Trump, when Trump became president, and then when Kanye West was afresh three or four days out of the loony bin, goes to visit Trump, and Trump, it's like, yeah, sure, it's not like I'm the president, and you're crazy, come on in.

03:01:56.000 But him and Donald Trump are apparently very good friends.

03:01:59.000 Yeah, I saw that.

03:02:00.000 It's wonderful.

03:02:00.000 I love that, I love friendship.

03:02:02.000 Trump said he doesn't read the daily presidential briefings, because he doesn't need them.

03:02:05.000 Probably shouldn't, he's a genius. 0.99

03:02:06.000 Why the fuck does he need the daily presidential briefings? 0.99

03:02:09.000 That's our president, folks. 0.99

03:02:14.000 Have you seen the Saturday Night Live sketch they did, how Donald Trump views the world?

03:02:18.000 No. 0.99

03:02:19.000 It's fucking hilarious. 0.98

03:02:20.000 I've seen a couple of things. 0.99

03:02:21.000 I hope he can take it as a joke.

03:02:22.000 I hope he doesn't get too mad.

03:02:24.000 That's one problem with that dude, is that he doesn't take jokes very well.

03:02:28.000 He gets real upset.

03:02:28.000 I think he's going to learn, man.

03:02:29.000 He's got to lighten up.

03:02:30.000 It's going to be a long four years.

03:02:31.000 Yeah, you got to lighten up, bro.

03:02:33.000 Yeah.

03:02:34.000 And he was better.

03:02:35.000 Jeff Ross had him.

03:02:37.000 They roasted him.

03:02:38.000 I remember.

03:02:38.000 And Jeff Ross had a conversation with him.

03:02:40.000 He's like, you know, when people are cracking jokes about you, like, we turn the camera to you, it looks like you're a bad sport.

03:02:45.000 Like, you're not laughing at all.

03:02:45.000 He's like, you're right.

03:02:46.000 So he started laughing.

03:02:47.000 Oh, really?

03:02:48.000 Yeah.

03:02:48.000 So he's not, he listens.

03:02:50.000 He gets it.

03:02:51.000 It's not that he's unreceptive.

03:02:52.000 But when he sees this Saturday Night Live one, it's going to be rough.

03:02:57.000 Yeah.

03:02:57.000 He got mad at the last few.

03:02:59.000 Yeah.

03:02:59.000 He's been mad at Saturday Night Live for a while, and so they keep chipping away at him.

03:03:02.000 But this is like the best Saturday Night Live has been in fucking years. 0.99

03:03:06.000 Of course, man. 0.99

03:03:06.000 You have somebody to fucking go after. 0.99

03:03:08.000 It's fantastic. 0.98

03:03:09.000 And you got Alex Baldwin willing to do it.

03:03:12.000 He's so good.

03:03:12.000 What are the odds?

03:03:13.000 Isn't he like an Oscar winner?

03:03:14.000 I think so.

03:03:15.000 How is he not?

03:03:16.000 He's a tremendous actor.

03:03:17.000 How is he not? 1.00

03:03:17.000 Glenn Gary, Glenn Ross, if he didn't win an Oscar, fuck the Oscars. 1.00

03:03:20.000 Yeah, no, he's a tremendous actor. 0.99

03:03:22.000 Some people say that was overdone.

03:03:23.000 I don't like that scene.

03:03:25.000 I just thought he was too over the top.

03:03:26.000 That's not how people would behave. 1.00

03:03:27.000 It's a fucking stage play. 0.99

03:03:29.000 Some actors say that, though. 1.00

03:03:30.000 You ever see that some actors think you try too hard?

03:03:32.000 Fine.

03:03:33.000 They don't like it?

03:03:33.000 Go away.

03:03:34.000 Too actory.

03:03:35.000 Too actory?

03:03:36.000 I've heard people say that.

03:03:37.000 I've seen people overact.

03:03:39.000 They're just too big.

03:03:40.000 What they're doing is too big.

03:03:41.000 It's not our show.

03:03:41.000 He should have been big right there.

03:03:43.000 This is not what we're looking for.

03:03:44.000 Yeah.

03:03:44.000 I want something more grounded.

03:03:45.000 That's the word.

03:03:46.000 Yeah. 0.99

03:03:46.000 But Alec Baldwin is the fucking perfect Donald Trump. 0.99

03:03:50.000 He's fantastic in it. 0.99

03:03:51.000 It's really fucking funny, man. 1.00

03:03:53.000 Also, Alec Baldwin really understands what it's like to be a cunt sometimes. 1.00

03:03:58.000 Although I don't think he's a cunt, he definitely has had moments in his life where he's been accused of being a cunt. 0.99

03:04:05.000 Remember when he attacked paparazzis? 1.00

03:04:07.000 He's a wacky dude.

03:04:09.000 Did he punch somebody or something? 0.99

03:04:11.000 He got accused of calling a paparazzi a fag. 0.99

03:04:13.000 This was my favorite. 0.99

03:04:15.000 And then he goes, I called him a fathead because it's kind of inaudible.

03:04:18.000 Right. 0.91

03:04:18.000 Because he's screaming down the street. 0.91

03:04:20.000 He's like, I said fathead. 0.99

03:04:21.000 Yeah, it's more fat shaming. 0.90

03:04:22.000 Yeah, I was like, that's not what you said.

03:04:24.000 But I also...

03:04:25.000 Oh, yeah. 1.00

03:04:26.000 He called his daughter, who was 11, a rude, thoughtless pig. 1.00

03:04:29.000 Yeah, that was the big one. 1.00

03:04:30.000 That was the big one.

03:04:32.000 That's hard.

03:04:33.000 You know what, man? 1.00

03:04:33.000 People fuck up. 1.00

03:04:34.000 Yeah, but you can't... 1.00

03:04:35.000 What are you going to punish him forever for that, too?

03:04:37.000 That's terrible that he did that.

03:04:39.000 It really is.

03:04:40.000 I know, but don't you think he feels...

03:04:41.000 Hopefully he feels it after people heard that.

03:04:43.000 Obviously, he's been forgiven by Hollywood. 1.00

03:04:45.000 You feel like shit after that. 1.00

03:04:47.000 Mm-hmm. 1.00

03:04:48.000 Yeah.

03:04:49.000 It's awful.

03:04:51.000 That was actually my first words to my mother when I was a baby.

03:04:54.000 It's awful? 1.00

03:04:55.000 No, I said you were a rude, thoughtless pig. 1.00

03:04:57.000 Wow. 1.00

03:04:57.000 Yeah. 1.00

03:04:58.000 That's amazing you just formed that sentence like that.

03:05:00.000 I know, I know.

03:05:01.000 What was it that you were stewing on until your lips formed correctly so you could make good noises?

03:05:06.000 I think it just actually wasn't feeding me enough, you know?

03:05:11.000 So it just happened, man.

03:05:14.000 Yeah, imagine if babies could talk right out of the box. 0.99

03:05:18.000 Man.

03:05:18.000 If they had a full vocabulary right out of the box.

03:05:20.000 I got it right on the line right now. 1.00

03:05:21.000 They would be so stupid. 1.00

03:05:23.000 Yeah, they don't know anything. 1.00

03:05:24.000 Like full babies? 0.95

03:05:25.000 They'd be like, monster! 0.99

03:05:26.000 I'm like, I'm not a monster, dummy. 0.98

03:05:27.000 I'm your dad. 0.80

03:05:28.000 Jesus Christ.

03:05:28.000 They would do everything.

03:05:29.000 They would also be like, I'm going to eat this?

03:05:31.000 Everything.

03:05:31.000 Yeah.

03:05:32.000 They'd be like, no.

03:05:33.000 Eat plastic?

03:05:34.000 No.

03:05:35.000 Eat hair?

03:05:36.000 Rocks?

03:05:36.000 Can I stick my finger inside that light socket?

03:05:38.000 No.

03:05:39.000 What if I turn it on?

03:05:40.000 Yeah.

03:05:40.000 No.

03:05:41.000 And no becomes like, this is going to be fucking awesome. 0.95

03:05:44.000 That's what they do. 0.95

03:05:44.000 You know what my six-year-old loves to tell me? 0.95

03:05:46.000 Can I tell you something?

03:05:48.000 Right before she's going to tell me something, she goes, can I tell you something?

03:05:52.000 It's always, can I tell you something?

03:05:53.000 You know?

03:05:54.000 Can I tell you something?

03:05:56.000 Debbie told this girl that she shouldn't do that because she wasn't allowed and it wasn't true. 0.91

03:06:02.000 And what do you do?

03:06:02.000 You go, whoa.

03:06:03.000 Yeah.

03:06:04.000 Those are the kind of conversations you have with six-year-olds.

03:06:05.000 Like, wow.

03:06:06.000 Why wasn't she allowed?

03:06:08.000 Because her mother doesn't want her to do it, but she doesn't want to listen to her mother.

03:06:14.000 Whoa.

03:06:15.000 That's crazy.

03:06:16.000 Heavy stuff.

03:06:17.000 Outrage in kindergarten.

03:06:19.000 Yeah.

03:06:20.000 Really funny.

03:06:20.000 That's their world, though.

03:06:21.000 They think that's life.

03:06:23.000 I know.

03:06:24.000 It is life.

03:06:24.000 You've got to respect that.

03:06:25.000 That's why it's weird.

03:06:27.000 They get upset.

03:06:28.000 They get upset if you don't want to listen to their wacky stories.

03:06:31.000 Yeah. 1.00

03:06:32.000 It's a fucking boring story. 0.99

03:06:34.000 One thing I've been teaching my kids lately is don't repeat punchlines over and over and over again. 0.99

03:06:38.000 Because when they nail punchlines, sometimes they'll say something really funny.

03:06:41.000 And I said, listen, that's really funny.

03:06:43.000 You said it was really funny.

03:06:46.000 I'm so impressed that you said something that was that funny.

03:06:49.000 It's really funny.

03:06:50.000 But here's the thing.

03:06:51.000 If you say it again, it becomes less funny.

03:06:53.000 And if you say it again, it gets even less funny.

03:06:57.000 Every time you repeat it.

03:06:59.000 I know it's fun to say something funny.

03:07:01.000 You want to do it.

03:07:02.000 But I'm like, unless you're doing a new show the next night in a new town...

03:07:05.000 Yeah.

03:07:07.000 Or at the same time, it's a different crowd.

03:07:09.000 Do they get that?

03:07:09.000 Kind of getting it, yeah.

03:07:10.000 Kind of getting it.

03:07:11.000 But it's, you know, it's touchy, right?

03:07:14.000 Yeah. 0.88

03:07:14.000 Because you don't want to discourage anybody from saying something funny and silly. 0.88

03:07:17.000 Sure.

03:07:17.000 Like, they make each other laugh all the time.

03:07:19.000 They make me laugh.

03:07:19.000 We have these funny conversations.

03:07:21.000 It's funny having, like, joke conversations where they're, like, cracking me up and they're eight.

03:07:26.000 Yeah.

03:07:27.000 Because in my house, goofing on stuff is valuable.

03:07:33.000 It's valuable.

03:07:34.000 I mean valuable in terms of social commodity.

03:07:38.000 It's hilarious.

03:07:39.000 When one of them will say something funny and we all laugh, you can see their little eyes light up and then they want to make you laugh more.

03:07:45.000 And it's also...

03:07:47.000 When you find out things that make people laugh, you find out things that are ridiculous that no one's talking about.

03:07:53.000 That's part of what's funny.

03:07:55.000 When kids point something out, it's like, yeah, duh. 1.00

03:07:58.000 This fucking six-year-old notices that stupid. 1.00

03:08:01.000 They tap into something. 1.00

03:08:03.000 Like my daughter was looking at one of those Fat Freeze billboards. 0.98

03:08:07.000 You ever see that Fat Freeze billboard?

03:08:09.000 Yeah.

03:08:09.000 This is when she was five.

03:08:10.000 She goes, I know that's fake because that girl's pulling in a stomach. 1.00

03:08:15.000 Yeah.

03:08:15.000 Oh, right.

03:08:16.000 Oh, that's cute. 0.99

03:08:17.000 That she's sucking in. 0.99

03:08:19.000 Yeah, she's sucking her stomach in and she's not even tricking a five-year-old. 1.00

03:08:22.000 That's hilarious. 1.00

03:08:23.000 But when she's saying it to me, I'm fucking crying, laughing. 0.95

03:08:26.000 And you see her little eyes light up? 0.99

03:08:28.000 Because the way she said it, I didn't do a good justice with the delivery.

03:08:32.000 Sure.

03:08:32.000 But she was like cocky about it.

03:08:33.000 Like, I know that.

03:08:34.000 And then she's geeked out that you're laughing, right?

03:08:36.000 She thinks it's so funny.

03:08:37.000 She's like, she's holding in her stomach.

03:08:39.000 Look at her, daddy. 0.86

03:08:40.000 She's holding in her stomach.

03:08:42.000 Like a five-year-old can see that nobody stands like this.

03:08:46.000 Yeah.

03:08:46.000 You know Kylie Jenner sued those people who made that because that girl in the sign looked like her.

03:08:52.000 Oh really?

03:08:53.000 Yeah, they do that.

03:08:54.000 They've done that before.

03:08:55.000 You can sue someone for looking like you?

03:08:56.000 Kim Kardashian turned down some campaign and so they hired a Kim Kardashian lookalike and she sued him.

03:09:02.000 And won?

03:09:02.000 I think she won.

03:09:03.000 What?

03:09:03.000 Didn't she win, Jamie?

03:09:05.000 It's hilarious. 1.00

03:09:06.000 Shit, is it fucking 5? 1.00

03:09:07.000 It's 5 o'clock, bitch. 1.00

03:09:08.000 Dude, man. 1.00

03:09:08.000 Where you going? 1.00

03:09:10.000 Gotta get home.

03:09:11.000 What time do you show tonight?

03:09:12.000 My show's at 8. What time should I leave?

03:09:13.000 Jesus Christ, you should have already left. 1.00

03:09:16.000 You're fucked, dude. 1.00

03:09:17.000 I gotta get going. 1.00

03:09:17.000 You gotta get to Pasadena in three hours. 1.00

03:09:19.000 Yeah, I know.

03:09:20.000 Cancel the show.

03:09:20.000 Who's opening for you?

03:09:21.000 Doug Mellard.

03:09:22.000 Really funny guy.

03:09:23.000 Okay, cool.

03:09:24.000 Really funny guy from Austin.

03:09:25.000 He lives here.

03:09:25.000 Real funny.

03:09:26.000 How long has he been here?

03:09:27.000 Did I meet him?

03:09:28.000 You may have met him.

03:09:29.000 He's been here for a while.

03:09:30.000 He's been doing stand-up a while.

03:09:32.000 And I've brought him with me a few times.

03:09:34.000 He's a really funny dude.

03:09:35.000 There's like a feeling that you get when someone says he's a really funny guy from Austin.

03:09:38.000 You go, oh, he's probably cool.

03:09:40.000 Yeah, he's pretty cool.

03:09:41.000 Yeah, he is pretty cool.

03:09:42.000 Probably wears vests.

03:09:44.000 No, no, he doesn't have vests.

03:09:45.000 But he's a very funny guy.

03:09:48.000 Probably dresses like a Mumford& Sons.

03:09:50.000 Yes.

03:09:50.000 Like one of the music videos?

03:09:52.000 He looks like he'd be in the band. 0.99

03:09:53.000 There's a piano in the middle of a field for no fucking reason. 0.99

03:09:56.000 Yeah. 0.99

03:09:56.000 They're all dancing around it. 0.99

03:09:57.000 He's got just like funny, ironic tattoos and shit. 0.99

03:10:00.000 Oh, does he? 0.99

03:10:01.000 Yeah, he's got a few.

03:10:02.000 Keep on truckin'.

03:10:03.000 You know, Ari has keep on truckin' tattoos on his body. 1.00

03:10:05.000 Doesn't Kinane have some silly one like that too? 0.99

03:10:08.000 Does he? 0.99

03:10:08.000 I think he does. 0.99

03:10:11.000 He has some silly ones. 0.96

03:10:13.000 Yeah, no tats yet. 0.97

03:10:14.000 No.

03:10:14.000 You thinking about getting something?

03:10:16.000 No.

03:10:16.000 No?

03:10:17.000 I mean, I would if I had a fucking desire to or interest, but I don't. 0.97

03:10:20.000 How about this? 0.98

03:10:20.000 Let's go, champ. 0.98

03:10:21.000 Right across your belly. 0.72

03:10:22.000 Dude.

03:10:23.000 Let's go, champ. 0.99

03:10:24.000 How great was that?

03:10:25.000 How about that?

03:10:25.000 Right across your belly.

03:10:26.000 Like Compton.

03:10:27.000 Let's go champ! 1.00

03:10:28.000 Let's go champ. 0.96

03:10:29.000 Yeah. 0.99

03:10:29.000 How the fuck does no one have that? 0.99

03:10:30.000 Jamie, please look up. 0.99

03:10:32.000 See if anyone has let's go champ tattooed on their belly.

03:10:35.000 They must.

03:10:36.000 That's badass, dude.

03:10:37.000 They should totally have that.

03:10:37.000 That hat's dope.

03:10:38.000 That is a dope hat, right?

03:10:40.000 Yeah, man.

03:10:40.000 Let's go champ.

03:10:41.000 Yeah.

03:10:41.000 And it was given to me by Shannon Briggs.

03:10:43.000 Shannon Briggs.

03:10:45.000 Let's go champ. 0.96

03:10:46.000 He's a great guy, man.

03:10:47.000 Yeah.

03:10:47.000 He's a fun dude.

03:10:49.000 Like, real positive.

03:10:50.000 I didn't see the episode.

03:10:52.000 I didn't listen to it, but I saw his Instagram preparing to come here, and that got me fired up.

03:10:56.000 Like, blending.

03:10:57.000 Oh, yeah.

03:10:58.000 He was, like, putting blue.

03:10:59.000 Oh, man.

03:10:59.000 Organic blueberries, champ!

03:11:01.000 Let go, champ! 0.99

03:11:02.000 You don't even have to watch them.

03:11:03.000 You don't even have to watch them.

03:11:05.000 Man, I was fired up.

03:11:06.000 I'm going to Joe Rogan!

03:11:08.000 I'm going to Los Angeles!

03:11:10.000 Yeah.

03:11:10.000 That was awesome.

03:11:11.000 Yeah, he's awesome, man.

03:11:12.000 That was so fun.

03:11:13.000 For me to be sitting across from him.

03:11:14.000 Let's go, champ! 1.00

03:11:15.000 That's my ringtone now.

03:11:17.000 Is it? 1.00

03:11:17.000 That's right, bitch. 1.00

03:11:18.000 Fucking amazing. 1.00

03:11:19.000 Yeah. 0.99

03:11:20.000 We've got to figure out a way to set that up.

03:11:22.000 But Jamie isolated that for me.

03:11:23.000 Let's go, champ! 1.00

03:11:24.000 That's what I was going to say when anybody calls.

03:11:27.000 I would keep that for years.

03:11:29.000 Oh, for sure.

03:11:29.000 Yeah, that's fantastic.

03:11:31.000 For sure, man.

03:11:31.000 That is fantastic.

03:11:32.000 I remember I watched the first video of his, and I knew Shannon.

03:11:35.000 I was a fan of his as a boxer for a long time.

03:11:38.000 But when I watched that video of him, I was like, wow, this is crazy.

03:11:40.000 Like, what is he doing?

03:11:41.000 Like, this is interesting.

03:11:42.000 And those are cinder blocks underneath.

03:11:44.000 Oh, he's a big boy.

03:11:45.000 He's quite a large fella.

03:11:47.000 And when I hug him, I'm like, hi, buddy. 0.94

03:11:50.000 My head nestles next to his breasts. 0.95

03:11:53.000 That would hurt. 0.96

03:11:53.000 Well, he's a big boxer. 0.96

03:11:55.000 He's big.

03:11:56.000 You know, he's probably walking around in the 250 range or 240 range.

03:11:59.000 But that connects with the chin? 0.95

03:12:00.000 Powerful puncher, man.

03:12:01.000 That's over.

03:12:02.000 Yeah, he's a serious knockout puncher.

03:12:04.000 Shannon can crack.

03:12:05.000 He's also got, like, this wicked left hook to the body.

03:12:08.000 He's got a nasty jab, but he's got this left hook to the body that's, like, really rare to see in the heavyweight division.

03:12:13.000 Yeah.

03:12:14.000 Super, like, quick, technical, stabbing left hook.

03:12:18.000 Just blap! 1.00

03:12:19.000 Yeah.

03:12:19.000 Just gets under your ribcage with it, and he just drops guys.

03:12:22.000 He's getting avoided.

03:12:23.000 A lot of people don't want to fight him.

03:12:24.000 Don't want a piece of that, man.

03:12:26.000 Well, he's a big guy.

03:12:27.000 He's still real dangerous. 1.00

03:12:29.000 He's real motivated, and he talks so much shit. 1.00

03:12:33.000 He talks so much shit, they can't take it. 1.00

03:12:35.000 And the people that are going to these press conferences with him, and he's yelling at them, trying to get fights with them, and they're all at the press conference announcing another fight, and he's in the audience. 1.00

03:12:46.000 He shows up at the other ones, yeah.

03:12:48.000 Oh, man.

03:12:48.000 He showed up at Vladimir Klitschko's, like, he's eating lunch.

03:12:52.000 Yeah.

03:12:52.000 He started drinking his water, and, you know, he started eating his food.

03:12:56.000 Yeah.

03:12:57.000 Yeah.

03:12:57.000 When you eat, we eat.

03:12:58.000 When you eat, we eat.

03:13:00.000 Let's go, champ. 1.00

03:13:01.000 Talking a lot of shit, yeah. 1.00

03:13:01.000 Yeah, and that was when I started being aware of him. 1.00

03:13:04.000 I was like, my God, he's crazy.

03:13:06.000 Like, Shannon Briggs has gone crazy.

03:13:07.000 And then I realized, oh, he's just trying a new thing to get guys to fight him, make a name for himself.

03:13:14.000 And it's really smart, because he figured out a way to use social media, and he completely changed how people thought of him.

03:13:21.000 Yeah.

03:13:21.000 Because people thought of him before they knew about his personality.

03:13:24.000 They just thought he was this killer boxer.

03:13:26.000 He even talked about it on the podcast.

03:13:27.000 He was like, that wasn't me.

03:13:29.000 Because I was just always being this heavyweight knockout artist and this tough guy.

03:13:37.000 He's like, I'm goofy.

03:13:38.000 He was like, I goof around a lot.

03:13:39.000 I'm always joking around.

03:13:40.000 So you see that in those videos.

03:13:42.000 And that's something that there was no other way for him to ever show that.

03:13:46.000 Can you imagine if HBO came to his house, like, we want to watch a workout.

03:13:49.000 Let's go champ! 1.00

03:13:50.000 Let's go champ! 1.00

03:13:51.000 They were like, cut all that out.

03:13:52.000 Just cut all that out.

03:13:53.000 But then they would learn that that's what's going to make it a sensation, a hit, you know?

03:13:56.000 Well, I think he had to do it like over and over and over and over and over again on YouTube and on Instagram for people to get addicted to it.

03:14:03.000 Because now, like, when I see it in my feed, and it's Shannon sitting in front of like a bowl of food or something with a big smile on his face, I always click on those videos.

03:14:10.000 I want to hear it.

03:14:11.000 Yeah.

03:14:13.000 It's him.

03:14:14.000 That's who he is. 0.96

03:14:15.000 I think that's one of the fucking coolest things about your show that you have with you and Christina, your mom's house. 0.97

03:14:21.000 That's you guys. 0.97

03:14:22.000 Totally genuine.

03:14:23.000 That's 100% how you guys are all the time.

03:14:25.000 That's true.

03:14:26.000 So that's not available anywhere else.

03:14:28.000 It speaks to when something gets popular or gets a fan base, it's because people connect to the authenticity, I think, of people's real personalities.

03:14:38.000 Yeah, man.

03:14:39.000 There's definitely that.

03:14:40.000 There's also less people.

03:14:45.000 Shannon doing that, there's almost no filters between him and people.

03:14:51.000 There's less people involved.

03:14:52.000 So you could get to see this guy, who he really is.

03:14:54.000 And there's so many people like that now.

03:14:56.000 Like Joey Diaz.

03:14:57.000 When Joey Diaz does his periscopes, it's beautiful.

03:15:00.000 Because it's straight to Joey.

03:15:02.000 Straight to Joey.

03:15:03.000 There's no one even around.

03:15:05.000 He gets up in the morning.

03:15:06.000 He gets up in the morning, gives you a few minutes notice.

03:15:09.000 You know, we're going live.

03:15:10.000 We're smoking numbers.

03:15:11.000 And then he gets on.

03:15:12.000 What did you do today?

03:15:14.000 And he starts talking about it. 0.98

03:15:15.000 He makes these tweets, and they're ridiculous. 0.74

03:15:17.000 Like, you know, it's Monday. 1.00

03:15:18.000 You're showing up with a big dick and a smile. 1.00

03:15:20.000 Yeah. 1.00

03:15:21.000 And like, okay, I have a big dick all of a sudden? 1.00

03:15:23.000 But it's, yeah, people love that guy, man. 1.00

03:15:25.000 Yeah.

03:15:26.000 He's awesome.

03:15:26.000 But that's Joey.

03:15:27.000 Like, you know you're getting Joey.

03:15:28.000 100% Joey. 0.99

03:15:30.000 Spelling's all fucked up. 0.99

03:15:31.000 He has too many periods in a row. 0.99

03:15:32.000 Doesn't matter.

03:15:33.000 It's just, you're getting straight Joey.

03:15:35.000 Yeah.

03:15:35.000 You know, and that's...

03:15:36.000 That's one of the more unique things about this time. 0.99

03:15:39.000 And those goddamn glasses that we were playing when you went to pee, those Snapchat glasses, those things scared the shit out of me. 0.99

03:15:46.000 Oh, you wear them and they Snapchat everything? 0.99

03:15:48.000 They're exactly kind of what we're talking about, about recording memories.

03:15:51.000 You're going to record things that people see.

03:15:52.000 This guy was doing an operation and he had those goggles on.

03:15:56.000 You're going to be able to stream your life.

03:15:59.000 These things are cameras.

03:16:01.000 Those things in the upper right-hand side are cameras.

03:16:03.000 And there's this video that we were watching of this guy doing an operation, cutting this person open while he's wearing these Snapchat glasses.

03:16:11.000 And it's so strange.

03:16:13.000 Christ.

03:16:14.000 Because you're realizing, like, oh, this is like the Motorola Razr.

03:16:19.000 This is like the Motorola Razr, and one day we're going to have the iPhone 7. I think it's crazy that we're talking about something that's $130.

03:16:26.000 I thought we were talking about some really, you know?

03:16:28.000 No, no, no, no.

03:16:29.000 And it streams for the Snapchat app.

03:16:32.000 And if you're looking at this now, come on, man.

03:16:35.000 This is like that phone that Kirk Douglas or Michael Douglas had on Wall Street, right?

03:16:40.000 It's basically what it is in comparison to what they're going to have just in a few years from now.

03:16:44.000 Texting people around.

03:16:45.000 Well, I gotta get back. 0.97

03:16:47.000 Can you get the fuck out of here? 0.97

03:16:47.000 Wrap this up? 0.97

03:16:49.000 Unfortunately.

03:16:50.000 Wrapping it up with Tommy Buns, please do.

03:16:54.000 I have a tour coming up.

03:16:55.000 It's my first theater tour ever. 1.00

03:16:57.000 Shit. 0.99

03:16:58.000 By the way, I just want to tell you, very inspiring watching you do that set the other night in the main room doing all new material that I haven't seen before, and it was really fucking funny stuff, man. 0.99

03:17:06.000 Oh, thanks, man.

03:17:06.000 Thanks a lot.

03:17:06.000 That was really fun.

03:17:07.000 Thank you.

03:17:08.000 I've been working since the last one came out, and I'm about at an hour now, and so the tour starts January, and I'm going coast to coast, Canada, doing a bunch of dates, man.

03:17:18.000 Yeah, we can tell.

03:17:20.000 You can tell.

03:17:20.000 You can tell you're putting in the time.

03:17:21.000 That's, you know, that's one of the cool things about being in L.A. is I get to see so many guys like you and Joey and Burr and Ari and Duncan and all these guys that are just really fucking funny in this one area, like,

03:17:36.000 all the time.

03:17:37.000 Yeah.

03:17:38.000 It's great to see other people do, people I love and that I look up to in stand-up do sets regularly here and crush. 0.99

03:17:47.000 You're like, oh shit. 0.99

03:17:48.000 It always keeps you on your toes, man. 1.00

03:17:49.000 Dude, the other night, Dave Chappelle brought up Chris Rock.

03:17:53.000 The store. 0.99

03:17:53.000 Get the fuck out of Dodge. 0.99

03:17:55.000 He's going on a tour. 1.00

03:17:56.000 Not that he needs the fucking plug. 0.99

03:17:57.000 Or Chris Rock brought up Dave Chappelle. 0.99

03:17:59.000 One of those. 0.99

03:17:59.000 Either way, get the fuck out of here. 0.99

03:18:01.000 But that's a first tour in nine years for Rock. 0.93

03:18:03.000 Well, divorce.

03:18:05.000 Divorce. 1.00

03:18:06.000 Is a motherfucker. 1.00

03:18:07.000 Yeah. 1.00

03:18:07.000 Talks about it on stage. 1.00

03:18:08.000 It's scary.

03:18:09.000 Did I tell you?

03:18:10.000 So I opened for Chappelle.

03:18:12.000 I did a ten minute set.

03:18:14.000 When I was in New York, I stopped by his show.

03:18:16.000 Where was he?

03:18:17.000 He was at the Gramercy, just a 400 seat place.

03:18:19.000 Oh wow.

03:18:20.000 It feels like doing it.

03:18:21.000 And it was before SNL, but before they announced it.

03:18:24.000 So I was doing Caroline's and I pop over there and they're like, oh yeah, do time.

03:18:28.000 And he's like, do some time, man.

03:18:29.000 I go to time.

03:18:31.000 I do like 10 minutes.

03:18:32.000 They don't want to see me. 0.99

03:18:32.000 They're like, fuck, it's Dave Chappelle. 0.99

03:18:34.000 So I get off. 1.00

03:18:35.000 He goes up.

03:18:36.000 He starts doing the set.

03:18:38.000 And then Chris Rock walks out.

03:18:41.000 And then they pull up chairs.

03:18:42.000 And they basically have a kind of...

03:18:44.000 It's like a podcast.

03:18:44.000 It's basically a live podcast.

03:18:46.000 But they riff and they go on shit. 1.00

03:18:48.000 And one point Chappelle goes... 1.00

03:18:51.000 He's like, you say the wildest shit, though. 1.00

03:18:54.000 To rock. 1.00

03:18:55.000 He's like, what you mean? 1.00

03:18:57.000 He's like, man, you say the wildest shit, man. 1.00

03:19:00.000 And Chappelle goes, you called me after your divorce and said, my wife has more money from comedy than you do. 1.00

03:19:11.000 And I was like, that's such a funny, like Chris Rock said that to Dave Chappelle.

03:19:16.000 My wife has more money from comedy than you do after divorcing. 1.00

03:19:19.000 Wow.

03:19:20.000 Like how funny though, of a thought about your situation, you know?

03:19:25.000 That is a funny thought.

03:19:26.000 Yeah.

03:19:27.000 And it's also a lot of money.

03:19:28.000 It must be insane.

03:19:29.000 Yeah. 1.00

03:19:30.000 Because Chappelle's made a lot of fucking money. 0.99

03:19:31.000 Yeah, and Rock's, yeah. 0.98

03:19:33.000 Well, Rock was probably one of the most successful guys ever when he was doing theaters.

03:19:36.000 Like those, I mean, not theaters, arenas.

03:19:38.000 And he was doing world tours, too.

03:19:39.000 Don't forget that.

03:19:40.000 Yeah, he did a Hollywood Bowl.

03:19:41.000 Yeah, insane.

03:19:42.000 And he does giant spots.

03:19:43.000 A lot of money.

03:19:44.000 Oh, insane amounts of money.

03:19:46.000 And it all went away to the girl.

03:19:49.000 But this tour, it's called Get That Money Back.

03:19:51.000 Ch-ch-ch. 0.99

03:19:52.000 Is that what it's called?

03:19:52.000 I wonder if he just paid off a giant chunk so he doesn't have to pay forever.

03:19:56.000 There was a timeline on it.

03:19:58.000 Yeah?

03:19:58.000 Yeah, yeah.

03:19:59.000 Because all this stuff was announced.

03:20:01.000 The big Netflix team.

03:20:02.000 I don't even want to know how much money he paid.

03:20:04.000 I'm sure it's so much money.

03:20:05.000 It's so insane that we pretend that If two people are in a relationship and one person makes all the money, that somehow or another, there's an even deal.

03:20:14.000 It's so crazy.

03:20:16.000 It's so weird.

03:20:17.000 I gotta piss again.

03:20:18.000 Go ahead, buddy.

03:20:19.000 Go piss and I'll wrap this up. 0.99

03:20:20.000 We'll talk about your tour when you come back. 0.59

03:20:22.000 We'll finish it up.

03:20:23.000 Are you sure?

03:20:24.000 What about the dates?

03:20:25.000 You want to give specific dates?

03:20:28.000 The tour with Tommy Buns.

03:20:31.000 The no teeth, no entry tour. 0.70

03:20:35.000 And all bullshit aside, because Tommy's not in the room right now, this new stuff is a little shaky. 0.96

03:20:40.000 No. 0.95

03:20:41.000 It's really funny. 0.79

03:20:43.000 He's got one bit, I don't want to spoiler alert it, but he's got one bit that's really intricate, and at the end of it I was like, holy shit, that's good.

03:20:52.000 And when you're a funny guy like Tom already is, and you're putting out stuff, and then you have to write new stuff, the new stuff represents the new level of funny he is.

03:21:04.000 That's the last throat clearing of this show, folks, I promise.

03:21:07.000 This is a rough one, right?

03:21:09.000 Got through. 0.99

03:21:10.000 But yeah, the fucking, the beginning, my throat just did not want to cooperate. 0.99

03:21:15.000 And it was fine until I took one hit of weed, and then I drank some coffee. 0.99

03:21:19.000 And then something about the coffee and the weed together just produced this...

03:21:24.000 We can't do that right before we go on stage.

03:21:27.000 Or right before I go on the air.

03:21:29.000 We should do it like five minutes before.

03:21:31.000 And then do a lot of... 0.99

03:21:32.000 Get that shit out of the way. 0.99

03:21:36.000 Does that make sense? 0.99

03:21:37.000 I wish there was a way to solve it, but you can't have a cough drop or anything.

03:21:41.000 No, that would probably be better than nothing, but it's definitely better now that we don't do the butter coffee anymore. 0.90

03:21:47.000 That was fucking me up. 0.79

03:21:48.000 Too many people were complaining, and they were right. 0.99

03:21:50.000 So I took pride in trying not to clear my throat as much, and I still fucked it up. 0.98

03:21:55.000 It's hard. 0.99

03:21:56.000 It's hard out there, Tommy Bunz.

03:21:58.000 Tommy Bunz, why is no teeth no entry?

03:22:02.000 Why not?

03:22:03.000 Just make fun of people.

03:22:04.000 People can buy that glassing shirt.

03:22:06.000 Absolutely.

03:22:06.000 TomSeguro.com.

03:22:08.000 They're gonna buy them like fucking crazy now. 0.99

03:22:09.000 Yeah, just glassing, bro. 0.99

03:22:11.000 Just glassing.

03:22:11.000 Will you please tell the audience so I can have record that you're impressed with my water consumption?

03:22:15.000 You're the water champ.

03:22:16.000 Thank you.

03:22:17.000 You've been the water champ for as long as I've known you.

03:22:19.000 Thank you. 0.98

03:22:19.000 I mean, I've never even seen anybody try to fuck with you or try to take that title. 0.98

03:22:23.000 Thank you. 0.98

03:22:23.000 They don't even talk about it. 0.98

03:22:24.000 You know, like, it used to be, like, people would discuss, like, who's the water champ, and now it's just...

03:22:28.000 I remember the first time I met you, it was in Phoenix.

03:22:31.000 It was on this, like, the stand-up tour, and you came up to me after my set, and you go, I've never seen someone drink so much water during such a short set.

03:22:41.000 And I was like, wow.

03:22:42.000 I felt connected to you that you...

03:22:45.000 Like, that's what you saw.

03:22:46.000 Well, I recognize this is unusual.

03:22:48.000 You just kept drinking, and no one said a word.

03:22:50.000 But it was almost like if you drank one more bottle of water, someone would have had to say something.

03:22:54.000 Yeah.

03:22:54.000 Like, you're pounding the water, but you got to the point where, I don't want to show off.

03:22:58.000 And you put the water down.

03:22:59.000 But you let them know. 0.99

03:23:00.000 Like, you're not fucking around. 0.97

03:23:00.000 Is this technically water, too? 0.97

03:23:02.000 That's water, too.

03:23:02.000 So you're a super, super water champ.

03:23:04.000 That's fucking crazy. 0.99

03:23:04.000 This is just water with a mild amount of flavoring in it. 0.99

03:23:07.000 Mm-hmm.

03:23:09.000 So, did you set out to be the water champ?

03:23:12.000 Or is this something that just happened?

03:23:13.000 It's like a calling. 0.98

03:23:16.000 It's like, did the guy set out to be the fucking, I don't know, the yo-yo champ? 0.98

03:23:21.000 Now, when you wake up in the morning, do you get P-boners? 0.99

03:23:24.000 Are you a big P-boner guy?

03:23:25.000 Absolutely.

03:23:26.000 Must, right?

03:23:26.000 Yep.

03:23:27.000 And you have to do like the straddle and squat and you're like, I gotta get this out of me.

03:23:30.000 If you're drinking that much water, there's no way you're sleeping eight hours, right?

03:23:33.000 Oh, I wake up.

03:23:34.000 Absolutely.

03:23:34.000 I have to tell myself like a child to not...

03:23:37.000 I do that before flights sometimes.

03:23:39.000 You know, in that 6 a.m. 0.98

03:23:40.000 flight, I'll be walking through the airport like, dude, just don't fucking drink for the next hour so you can sleep on the flight. 0.94

03:23:45.000 But you don't do it. 0.98

03:23:46.000 Usually I can't.

03:23:47.000 Just my overwhelming urge to consume more water takes over.

03:23:50.000 But it's a competitive thing too, right?

03:23:51.000 It's also you're putting down numbers.

03:23:53.000 Yeah, man.

03:23:53.000 You share these online with people?

03:23:55.000 Sometimes people will ask, like, how many, you know, like, what's your record?

03:23:59.000 I know for these in a day, it's somewhere in the 50s.

03:24:02.000 And then I know that, like, gallon-wise, it's just over three.

03:24:06.000 Yeah, whenever someone likes to talk to me about people who work out hard, I always use the example of my friend Cameron Haynes who run 205 miles.

03:24:14.000 How is that even possible?

03:24:14.000 78 hours.

03:24:15.000 How is that possible? 0.98

03:24:16.000 He's a savage. 1.00

03:24:17.000 He's a crazy person. 1.00

03:24:18.000 He's a crazy person. 1.00

03:24:19.000 100%. 1.00

03:24:19.000 But in a good way, like in an overachiever, just a madman, right? 1.00

03:24:24.000 But when someone brings up, you know, dude, I know this guy drinks a lot of water. 1.00

03:24:28.000 I go, shut the fuck up. 0.99

03:24:29.000 That's what I'm talking about. 1.00

03:24:29.000 That's what I say. 1.00

03:24:30.000 I go, shut the fuck up. 1.00

03:24:31.000 I go, just stop talking about your fucking shitty friend and his shitty water consumption. 1.00

03:24:34.000 Yeah. 1.00

03:24:35.000 I know the guy.

03:24:36.000 I know the guy. 0.99

03:24:37.000 Yeah, man, my friend, he downs like fucking 15 bottles of water a day, bro. 0.99

03:24:43.000 Tommy, he might drink a thousand in a day. 0.99

03:24:46.000 Mm-hmm.

03:24:49.000 He'd just get dropped off by the palate.

03:24:51.000 He just drinks water and pees.

03:24:53.000 He drinks water and pees at the same time.

03:24:55.000 Dude.

03:24:56.000 Sometimes he's peeing while he's drinking.

03:24:58.000 You don't understand.

03:24:59.000 You're the ultimate hype man.

03:25:00.000 And I feel like I should get a Let's Go Water Champ shirt.

03:25:11.000 And on that note, Let's Go Water Champ.

03:25:14.000 Thanks for having me, buddy.

03:25:15.000 Tom Segura, catch him on tours. 0.82

03:25:17.000 New stuff is absolutely fucking brilliant.

03:25:19.000 You can watch two specials that are available right now on Netflix. 0.91

03:25:22.000 Oh yeah, he is funny. 0.99

03:25:23.000 But the new shit is even funnier. 1.00

03:25:25.000 Well, it's all fucking great. 1.00

03:25:27.000 TomSegura.com. 0.91

03:25:29.000 Thanks, brother.

03:25:30.000 YourMomsHouse.com.

03:25:31.000 And go catch him out on tour.

03:25:34.000 Alright, see ya.

The Joe Rogan Experience - December 13, 2016

Joe Rogan Experience #885 - Tom Segura

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Transcript