The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #931 - Jim Norton

00:00:00.000 Henry Rollins was on the podcast before.

00:00:02.000 Three, two, one.

00:00:05.000 You have a very specific style of wearing the headphones with like one off to the side.

00:00:10.000 And Henry Rollins does the same thing.

00:00:12.000 And I said, oh, you're wearing your headphones Jim Norton style.

00:00:16.000 I didn't know that you guys had some sort of an altercation.

00:00:19.000 How long was this?

00:00:20.000 Recently.

00:00:21.000 Like, uh...

00:00:23.000 A couple months ago?

00:00:24.000 Two months ago?

00:00:24.000 He didn't say anything.

00:00:26.000 Someone else told me online.

00:00:27.000 Oh, I thought Henry was still mad about it.

00:00:29.000 I'm like, no, that was minor.

00:00:30.000 Was it?

00:00:31.000 Minor. 1.00

00:00:31.000 Fucking online people. 1.00

00:00:32.000 They blow everything out of proportion. 1.00

00:00:34.000 We've talked since then.

00:00:35.000 I like him a lot.

00:00:35.000 We've interviewed him.

00:00:36.000 I think he's great.

00:00:36.000 He's an interesting guy.

00:00:37.000 Very interesting.

00:00:38.000 We were talking comedy one time, and I forget what he was talking about with Richard Pryor on the phone, but he was a little like, oh, you don't know Richard.

00:00:46.000 Oh, that's right.

00:00:47.000 I remember this.

00:00:48.000 I vaguely remember it.

00:00:49.000 Yeah, he was trying to pretend that you didn't know Richard Pryor, and you're like, maybe one of the biggest Richard Pryor fans of all time.

00:00:55.000 Yeah, I love him.

00:00:56.000 And it was a silly thing to try to, like, for what?

00:00:58.000 Like, there's no valor in knowing Richard Pryor. 0.61

00:01:00.000 Set himself on fire on purpose.

00:01:02.000 There's a weird thing that people do when they pretend that knowing things makes them better than you because you don't know things.

00:01:08.000 Yeah.

00:01:09.000 It's very strange.

00:01:10.000 Like, knowing something is just like, oh, you know about it.

00:01:12.000 It's all it is.

00:01:14.000 And we also get caught up in where...

00:01:15.000 Colin has a brilliant joke about how people, if you learn something from a movie, people are embarrassed to go, I learned that from TV or I learned it from a movie, so they try to act like they read it.

00:01:23.000 He's smarter because you read it.

00:01:24.000 I hated him for thinking of that great point.

00:01:27.000 But you do people feel smarter if they read something.

00:01:29.000 Yeah, that's true.

00:01:31.000 That's true.

00:01:31.000 My daughter was just telling me that today, that she learned something from an animated movie.

00:01:37.000 And she said, that's the weirdest way to learn things ever.

00:01:40.000 And I'm like, well, it's really not.

00:01:42.000 I go, it's just a thing, you know?

00:01:45.000 It's like you can learn things from anything.

00:01:47.000 It won't be any different learning it from there than if you hear somebody say it.

00:01:51.000 But there's just ways that we think are smart.

00:01:52.000 Like, I feel so much smarter if I read something.

00:01:54.000 Oh, yeah. 0.99

00:01:55.000 And just hearing it on TV, I'm like, ugh, I'm a fucking dope repeating what I heard again. 0.91

00:02:00.000 Well, I have a friend who will get upset if people say they read a book if they actually listen to the audio book. 0.97

00:02:05.000 Really?

00:02:06.000 Yeah.

00:02:06.000 He's like, did you read it?

00:02:07.000 Or did you listen to the audiobook? 1.00

00:02:09.000 I'm like, fuck, man. 1.00

00:02:11.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:02:11.000 Leave the guy alone. 1.00

00:02:13.000 I think listening to it's better.

00:02:14.000 Well, it's way more productive.

00:02:17.000 You can get it done while you're doing stuff, like driving your car or at the gym or whatever.

00:02:22.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:02:23.000 My focus has gotten so fucked up. 0.99

00:02:25.000 Like, can you sit down and actually just come through? 0.99

00:02:26.000 I read a book and then all of a sudden I'm like, I gotta be doing something addictive! 0.97

00:02:29.000 I can't fucking read a book anymore. 0.98

00:02:31.000 I hate that I can't. 0.98

00:02:32.000 My focus is not there.

00:02:34.000 I read at night before I go to bed.

00:02:35.000 That's what I like to do.

00:02:36.000 I like to read and when I start having a hard time paying attention, that's when it's time to crash.

00:02:41.000 How long can you read for?

00:02:42.000 A couple hours.

00:02:43.000 Yeah, I'm good for a couple hours.

00:02:45.000 I'm usually good for no more than, say, like...

00:02:47.000 Well, if I sat down during the day, I could read for about three hours.

00:02:51.000 But at night, I'm good for about two.

00:02:54.000 You have that kind of focus?

00:02:55.000 Depends on what I'm reading, if it's really interesting.

00:02:57.000 Right.

00:02:58.000 You know?

00:02:59.000 I can't do it.

00:03:00.000 Well, I'm reading now.

00:03:01.000 It's kind of research.

00:03:03.000 It's a book called American Serengeti.

00:03:07.000 It's about what the wildlife used to be on the American plains, like, before, in the Pleistocene era, I guess, you know, before the Ice Age. 0.99

00:03:17.000 It's pretty crazy shit. 0.94

00:03:19.000 I understood none of those words, except for, like, the American, you said the first part I got, and the rest of it I've never heard of. 0.98

00:03:24.000 Well, there's this guy that I'm having on the pod, he was supposed to be here last month, we had to reschedule it to next month, but he's a wildlife historian, or a biological historian, I guess he would be.

00:03:33.000 I'm not sure which one he would be, but his name is Dan Flores, and he wrote this amazing book about coyotes, about the history of the coyote, and he wrote another book about the history of extinct wildlife in the American Southwest, or the American West. 0.88

00:03:48.000 And at one point in time, we had all sorts of crazy shit. 0.98

00:03:51.000 We had cheetahs. 1.00

00:03:52.000 There was cheetahs, there was lions that were bigger than African lions. 0.98

00:03:56.000 There was a thing called the short-faced bear, which is this fucking enormous bear, bigger than a polar bear. 0.98

00:04:01.000 There's a reason why... 0.97

00:04:02.000 Have you ever seen an antelope, like an American antelope, like a pronghorn antelope?

00:04:06.000 Do you know what those are?

00:04:07.000 I've seen antelope, but that's only because someone said that's an antelope.

00:04:10.000 Right, right.

00:04:10.000 They could have been lying.

00:04:11.000 I mean...

00:04:11.000 Well, they're this weird animal that lives in, like, Colorado and Wyoming and New Mexico and a lot of different places.

00:04:17.000 It's a strange animal because it runs way faster than anything that can kill it.

00:04:22.000 That's it right there.

00:04:23.000 And the reason being is because this animal evolved way, way back hundreds of thousands of years ago when there were cheetahs here.

00:04:32.000 And there were really fast things that would chase it. 0.99

00:04:34.000 Like, those fucking things are lightning fast. 1.00

00:04:36.000 That can outrun a cheetah? 1.00

00:04:37.000 Well, they can do their best.

00:04:39.000 Yeah, they can make a cheater work.

00:04:42.000 Yeah, but whereas a deer has no shot.

00:04:45.000 A white-tailed deer, if a cheat is going after a white-tailed deer, a cheat is going to get it.

00:04:49.000 Did you see the video of...

00:04:51.000 I'm such a fruit.

00:04:52.000 I go online.

00:04:52.000 I like to watch happy animal videos, like baby elephants cuddling.

00:04:56.000 I went on a fucking baby elephant YouTube loop, just watching people cuddling with baby elephants. 0.96

00:05:02.000 They're awesome. 0.99

00:05:02.000 Elephants are amazing. 0.99

00:05:04.000 They're really fucking smart, man. 0.98

00:05:06.000 They're not just really smart, but they can remember individual elephants from decades ago. 0.99

00:05:12.000 They could be separated from their family and not see their family for 20 years, and then they reintroduce them, and when you see the two of them get together again, it's fucking heartbreaking.

00:05:20.000 Because you think about the elephants that are in zoos and the elephants that are in the circus.

00:05:25.000 You're like, whoa, what are these things? 0.99

00:05:27.000 They're not stupid. 0.99

00:05:30.000 They get it. 0.99

00:05:31.000 There's something wrong.

00:05:32.000 Yeah, there's some animals that are...

00:05:33.000 Deer are beautiful and everything like that, but they have a very limited cognitive...

00:05:38.000 Cognitive function.

00:05:39.000 Sure.

00:05:39.000 Their brain doesn't work that good.

00:05:41.000 It's just real simple.

00:05:42.000 Like, does anything you want to eat me?

00:05:43.000 No.

00:05:43.000 Where's the grass?

00:05:44.000 Let me eat the grass.

00:05:45.000 Anything you want to eat me?

00:05:45.000 No?

00:05:46.000 Where's the grass?

00:05:46.000 One of two thoughts.

00:05:47.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:05:48.000 And then time to fuck. 1.00

00:05:49.000 Once a year, it's time to fuck. 1.00

00:05:50.000 Which is crazy. 1.00

00:05:51.000 Which is why they have antlers. 1.00

00:05:53.000 To fight off all the other men and fuck. 1.00

00:05:55.000 And then the antlers fall off and then they're back to normal shit. 1.00

00:05:57.000 Right. 1.00

00:05:58.000 And people think we're unique getting like Porsches and Lamborghinis.

00:06:00.000 It's the same thing. 0.99

00:06:01.000 That's just fucking nicer antlers. 0.99

00:06:02.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:06:02.000 Well, they have weapons, really. 0.99

00:06:04.000 They fight each other to the death.

00:06:05.000 They kill each other all the time.

00:06:06.000 They do.

00:06:07.000 Yeah.

00:06:07.000 That's what those things are for.

00:06:09.000 Those giant antlers, they're for stabbing. 0.94

00:06:11.000 They just slam into each other. 1.00

00:06:13.000 They headbutt each other and they occasionally catch one slipping and they broadside them and go right through the fucking lungs. 0.99

00:06:18.000 But a lot of times they'll just kind of back off, like, alright, he's got bigger antlers, and he's smashing me a little bit, and I'll fucking... 1.00

00:06:24.000 It's fun to watch one male animal back off another animal. 0.98

00:06:26.000 It's so much like human beings.

00:06:28.000 A lot of times it's just posturing. 1.00

00:06:30.000 I'm just gonna show you that I could rip your head off. 1.00

00:06:32.000 Alright, you'll beat it like hippos. 1.00

00:06:34.000 They'll bite each other a little bit, and then one's like, alright, fuck it, and leaves. 1.00

00:06:37.000 I was elk hunting once, and I saw these two elk duke it out. 1.00

00:06:40.000 These two huge animals.

00:06:42.000 They're about a thousand pounds, and they're slamming heads into each other.

00:06:45.000 Just running towards each other.

00:06:47.000 Bang! 1.00

00:06:48.000 And head-butting and smashing antlers together.

00:06:50.000 And they were so big.

00:06:51.000 I mean, these were like enormous elk.

00:06:54.000 Both of them were around, somewhere around a thousand pounds.

00:06:56.000 And just the force that they generate with their heads just colliding with these antlers. 1.00

00:07:01.000 All of it just for pussy. 1.00

00:07:02.000 Yeah, exactly. 0.99

00:07:04.000 That's why I don't think people are so bad to do what we do, because it really is an animal.

00:07:07.000 We're chimps, and we're one step beyond, and we just don't do it that way anymore. 0.95

00:07:11.000 But it's always us fighting to fucking mate when we get laid. 1.00

00:07:15.000 We do it with gold Lamborghinis and fucking beautiful watches and shit. 1.00

00:07:20.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:07:20.000 Or even shows the strength. 1.00

00:07:21.000 There's guys that do it, you know, just brutal guys who are big and can fuck you up and they get hot girls. 0.99

00:07:26.000 Sure. 0.99

00:07:26.000 And then just people at the gym, just wearing little clothes, flexing. 0.99

00:07:30.000 Yeah.

00:07:31.000 Picking up weights.

00:07:32.000 It's humiliating.

00:07:33.000 It's weird.

00:07:33.000 It's like we have a weird sort of...

00:07:37.000 Connection to these ancient animals that needed to do that in order to make sure that the women were attracted to the strong genes to stay alive, even though it's not nearly as important anymore. 1.00

00:07:47.000 It's weird in the gym, too, because I dress like shit. 0.98

00:07:49.000 Obviously, I can't wear a tank top, and I'd look silly. 0.99

00:07:52.000 So I wear sweatpants and an old rotten hoodie.

00:07:55.000 I really look like a bum in the gym, because I know that I can't compete, so I'm almost going totally the opposite way.

00:08:00.000 People wonder what kind of shape I might be in.

00:08:03.000 But I know I can't compete on a level of looking good in a gym.

00:08:06.000 I'm never going to get laid in a gym.

00:08:07.000 Never?

00:08:08.000 No!

00:08:08.000 You never picked up a girl in a gym?

00:08:09.000 I dated a person who trained me.

00:08:12.000 I dated when I trained.

00:08:13.000 But she knew me.

00:08:13.000 It was a personality thing.

00:08:15.000 It was never like, wow, this guy's cute. 1.00

00:08:19.000 I'm going to fuck him. 1.00

00:08:20.000 It's never worked that way. 1.00

00:08:22.000 Damn. 0.99

00:08:22.000 No, never. 0.99

00:08:23.000 Never.

00:08:24.000 I become friends with them, and then all of a sudden we're fucking like a year later, and they're like, how'd that happen? 0.53

00:08:31.000 You sneak your way in. 0.65

00:08:33.000 I really do.

00:08:33.000 I just personality my way into it.

00:08:36.000 And the one girl who I really...

00:08:38.000 She's still a really good friend of mine.

00:08:40.000 We dated for maybe two months, and I think she's in a different place in life and kind of wanted kids. 1.00

00:08:44.000 And I'm a fucking perv. 0.99

00:08:46.000 I just can't do it. 0.99

00:08:47.000 I mean, I'm not...

00:08:48.000 And I know I'm not...

00:08:50.000 But I was so attracted to her.

00:08:53.000 I wrote a bit about her in one of my, in back on Please Be Offended, I did a bit about following a girl up the steps and looking at her vag in the back of her pants because it was so nice.

00:09:04.000 Did you tell it was about her?

00:09:05.000 I told her after we had dated.

00:09:08.000 She loved it.

00:09:09.000 She thought it was really funny.

00:09:09.000 She's like, oh my god, that's the greatest.

00:09:11.000 She was really a fun person.

00:09:12.000 But yeah, I lusted her for so long and then we wound up dating, but I knew her for like a year before we dated. 0.96

00:09:17.000 When you lust for someone for that long, when you finally get there, It's such a nerve-racking experience.

00:09:24.000 You're like trying to hold back the jizz. 0.75

00:09:27.000 Yeah.

00:09:29.000 Well, you can't believe it's happening, too.

00:09:31.000 Yeah, right?

00:09:32.000 Like, finally.

00:09:33.000 I like to come fast, though.

00:09:34.000 Do you?

00:09:34.000 Yeah, I do.

00:09:35.000 Because sometimes I'll lose my rod.

00:09:37.000 So if I come fast, I won.

00:09:38.000 Then I can compliment them. 0.99

00:09:40.000 See, because the experience, if you lose your heart on, you're like, oh, sorry, whatever, I'm fucked up. 0.96

00:09:44.000 But if you come quick, it's like, wow, you did great. 0.97

00:09:47.000 Right, I get it.

00:09:48.000 I'm a mess.

00:09:48.000 It's hard for me to let someone else...

00:09:50.000 Make me feel good.

00:09:52.000 It's really hard to just let someone pleasure me.

00:09:54.000 I can't do it.

00:09:56.000 Really?

00:09:56.000 Yeah.

00:09:57.000 I admire people who can.

00:09:59.000 I'm so solo with that stuff.

00:10:02.000 Wow.

00:10:03.000 Very difficult.

00:10:04.000 What do you think that's from? 0.84

00:10:07.000 Just compulsion and jacking off and just being a weirdo. 0.99

00:10:10.000 Just jacking off so much. 0.98

00:10:10.000 You're like, let me take care of that. 0.98

00:10:11.000 I got that.

00:10:12.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:10:12.000 Don't bother with that.

00:10:14.000 Exactly.

00:10:14.000 I'll do it.

00:10:15.000 I'll do it.

00:10:15.000 You know, like when someone's trying to help you fix something, you're like, I got it.

00:10:17.000 It's kind of like that.

00:10:19.000 But with her, it was fun.

00:10:20.000 We didn't date too long.

00:10:21.000 I don't like to waste people's time, and I know that I'm not...

00:10:26.000 In baby-having mode.

00:10:28.000 Yeah.

00:10:28.000 Maybe soon, you know, I wouldn't mind if I like someone.

00:10:30.000 You think so?

00:10:32.000 I kind of want a relationship.

00:10:33.000 I've been saying that for like the last few months.

00:10:35.000 15 years?

00:10:36.000 Yeah.

00:10:36.000 That's true.

00:10:37.000 I've been saying that since I was middling.

00:10:41.000 But I want somebody now, like, because it's boring by myself.

00:10:44.000 Right.

00:10:45.000 It's not about sex.

00:10:45.000 Getting laid is fairly easy if you have money or you have some kind of personality you can get laid.

00:10:50.000 So you kind of want someone to get on a plane with or to watch TV with. 1.00

00:10:55.000 That's the shit you miss. 1.00

00:10:56.000 Yeah, yeah. 1.00

00:10:57.000 Somebody whose opinion you like.

00:10:58.000 Someone to hang out with.

00:10:59.000 Yeah, a friend.

00:11:00.000 Yeah, that's where it gets weird, right? 0.82

00:11:03.000 But you want sexual, too, though. 0.61

00:11:04.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:11:05.000 Because my openers were typically women, and I hang out with them, and I've never fucked any of them. 1.00

00:11:09.000 It's never even been an option. 0.97

00:11:11.000 Like, you know, Kelsey Cook was my...

00:11:13.000 And she was just a friend, and we would, like, watch TV with, like, an old couple.

00:11:17.000 Right.

00:11:17.000 But a non-physical.

00:11:19.000 Right, right, right. 1.00

00:11:19.000 I'm like an old queen with my fucking lady friend. 1.00

00:11:23.000 And so I want that, like, a friend that I hang out with, but someone who I'm also, you know... 0.99

00:11:28.000 But I don't want to date a comedian.

00:11:30.000 I don't think, because it's just, you know...

00:11:32.000 Yeah, I would say that too.

00:11:34.000 I would say it's just, the odds of it working are so small.

00:11:38.000 I mean, it could work.

00:11:39.000 Like Tom Segura and Christina Pazitzky.

00:11:41.000 That's right.

00:11:41.000 It works, and they're both really funny.

00:11:43.000 Yeah.

00:11:44.000 Usually one of them is not funny. 0.99

00:11:45.000 It's like usually the woman's funny, the guy sucks, or the opposite. 0.98

00:11:48.000 Right. 0.99

00:11:49.000 And then they sort of glom off each other.

00:11:51.000 Yeah, one gets resentful of the other one's career.

00:11:53.000 Yeah, that's the case often.

00:11:57.000 That's the case often.

00:11:59.000 There's always like one breaks through.

00:12:00.000 One has something going on and the other one gets bitter.

00:12:03.000 Right, yeah.

00:12:04.000 And they feel bad getting bitter and then the other one resents them like we're supposed to be partners.

00:12:08.000 That's a hard... 1.00

00:12:11.000 Fuck that. 1.00

00:12:12.000 I couldn't do it. 1.00

00:12:13.000 Well, the only way I could do it is if it was just, like, I guess it would have to be one of those things like you were talking about with your friend, where you were friends with him for a long time.

00:12:22.000 Right.

00:12:22.000 You were friends with her for a year, and then you were both looking for somebody, and you're like, hey, you know, we'll fucking This actually kind of works.

00:12:28.000 We know each other really well.

00:12:29.000 See, that's one of the things about getting intimate with someone.

00:12:32.000 Sometimes people get intimate with people when you barely know them.

00:12:35.000 And sometimes it works out great. 1.00

00:12:37.000 But sometimes you're just opening up a fucking bag of worms. 1.00

00:12:41.000 Ugh. 1.00

00:12:42.000 And then you realize, oh, you're crazy, and you want to blame me for your entire fucked up life. 1.00

00:12:48.000 You know when I realize they're crazy? 1.00

00:12:50.000 When they're fucking sitting in my house with a suitcase because I've flown them in. 1.00

00:12:53.000 Maybe I should get to know them first. 0.98

00:12:55.000 I've put a lot of people on planes before, and they're sitting there with an open luggage. 1.00

00:12:59.000 And it's like, I don't even have to fuck them. 0.98

00:13:01.000 But it's like, I probably should know that they're not unstable first. 0.99

00:13:05.000 I think it'd be crazy, completely crazy, and then you're in your house, and you're sleeping, and they're hovering over you.

00:13:11.000 Frightening, dude.

00:13:11.000 Thinking about putting that pillow over your face.

00:13:13.000 I've had a couple where I just, I literally, I'm not kidding, I couldn't sleep, because it was just like, I didn't know the person well enough, and I didn't want to have sex, because that just takes it to another level. 0.72

00:13:24.000 Yeah. 0.98

00:13:25.000 But I mean, that's the price you pay when you're a pervert. 0.99

00:13:28.000 Yeah, or just promiscuous, you know? 0.99

00:13:30.000 Yeah, just taking a chance.

00:13:31.000 It's funny.

00:13:32.000 I stopped saying I'm a pervert.

00:13:34.000 I still say it.

00:13:35.000 But I thought to myself, am I a pervert? 1.00

00:13:37.000 I always think perverts suck. 0.99

00:13:38.000 I'm like, no, because I don't like victims. 1.00

00:13:39.000 I don't like drunk chicks. 1.00

00:13:43.000 At one point in my career, I did.

00:13:45.000 But I remember I was on the road, and this girl massaged me. 0.97

00:13:48.000 And she was so fucking sexy. 0.99

00:13:50.000 And she stuck her hand in my mouth, which I never thought I would like. 0.99

00:13:52.000 I never had anybody do that.

00:13:54.000 Hannah, in your mouth? 1.00

00:13:54.000 She was a little dominant. 1.00

00:13:56.000 And the first time she massaged me, I was naked. 1.00

00:13:58.000 And she pushed my dick out of the way like it was a disgusting item. 1.00

00:14:01.000 And it was so hot that she did that. 1.00

00:14:04.000 But we didn't hook up. 1.00

00:14:05.000 She just moved my dick like it was an annoying... 1.00

00:14:08.000 Yeah, beat it. 1.00

00:14:09.000 And...

00:14:10.000 I told her that was one of the sexiest things, and I didn't see her for a year.

00:14:14.000 And then we massaged again.

00:14:15.000 She understood that I liked dominance, and I kind of liked her feet a little bit, but there was nothing inappropriate happening.

00:14:19.000 You kind of liked her feet?

00:14:20.000 Yeah, she was barefoot, and I was just trying to check her out. 0.99

00:14:22.000 And so it was subtly dominant, but she wasn't jerking me off or anything. 1.00

00:14:25.000 And then she stuck her fucking hand in my mouth. 1.00

00:14:27.000 It was out of my mind. 1.00

00:14:28.000 So that's where it started.

00:14:29.000 The hand in the mouth was like the first thing? 0.97

00:14:31.000 Yeah, but that was after the dick thing a while ago, but she just read me. 0.76

00:14:34.000 Like, you know, people can read you. 0.98

00:14:35.000 Like, a woman that you like can fucking read you, and they just get it, and it's intuitive, and you don't have to go do this. 1.00

00:14:41.000 They just kind of do it. 0.99

00:14:43.000 That's so weird.

00:14:44.000 That's a weird thing to do, though.

00:14:45.000 Never, ever occurred to me.

00:14:48.000 So it never occurred to you, but once she did it, you thought it was really hot?

00:14:50.000 Yeah, her hands were clean.

00:14:51.000 It was a little massage oil.

00:14:53.000 What did the oil taste like?

00:14:55.000 I always wondered.

00:14:56.000 I honestly don't remember.

00:14:57.000 It might have been coconut or it might have been a scentless.

00:15:00.000 It was more the parting.

00:15:03.000 I think I just kissed her finger and she just stuck her hand. 1.00

00:15:06.000 Anyway, I wound up hanging out with her.

00:15:08.000 She came to one of my shows.

00:15:10.000 And she came with a friend on the early show, and then she came back on the late show, at the end, by herself.

00:15:16.000 And she came to my hotel, and she was so drunk.

00:15:20.000 And we were fooling around, and I didn't realize how drunk she was. 1.00

00:15:22.000 I went down on her for a second, and I'm like, she's fucked up. 0.99

00:15:25.000 You know how you realize in a minute, like, I don't want to be a part of this. 1.00

00:15:29.000 So I'm like, I don't have sex with her. 1.00

00:15:30.000 It's just too fucked up. 1.00

00:15:31.000 And she wanted me to fuck her in the ass. 1.00

00:15:33.000 And she put her ass up in the air. 1.00

00:15:35.000 She said, fuck me in the ass. 1.00

00:15:36.000 Wow. 1.00

00:15:36.000 And when someone is that drunk, it's hard to go like, you're too fucked up. 1.00

00:15:40.000 Because you were sober. 1.00

00:15:41.000 100%.

00:15:42.000 Yeah, that's right.

00:15:42.000 You don't drink at all.

00:15:43.000 It happened since you were like 19, right?

00:15:44.000 Yeah, I quit when I was young.

00:15:46.000 So it's like, to me...

00:15:48.000 It never turned me on to get someone who's sloppy.

00:15:52.000 I don't know what you really want to do.

00:15:55.000 I'm not going to chance you coming out of it and feeling like I did something wrong. 1.00

00:15:59.000 Fuck that. 1.00

00:16:00.000 Plus, she was loaded. 1.00

00:16:02.000 She had actually driven to the hotel.

00:16:05.000 I'm like, look, let's just hang out.

00:16:07.000 Thank God she got sick. 1.00

00:16:09.000 It's the only time I've ever been happy to have a girl fucking puke. 1.00

00:16:12.000 She's like, I'm so fucked up. 1.00

00:16:13.000 I'm like, oh, it's okay. 1.00

00:16:14.000 She's apologizing because she's puking. 0.87

00:16:15.000 I'm like, it's okay.

00:16:17.000 And she let me call her an Uber.

00:16:19.000 I had to talk her out of taking her car, but she let me get her an Uber home, and that worked out okay.

00:16:28.000 Did you get back to her after that?

00:16:30.000 No, that was the last night I was in town.

00:16:31.000 We still talked after that. 0.99

00:16:34.000 But I'm so happy I didn't fuck her. 0.99

00:16:37.000 Because I wouldn't have felt... 0.99

00:16:38.000 I don't feel good about...

00:16:39.000 I don't like somebody who it means too much to them either.

00:16:43.000 Like somebody who's like looking at you like, oh, I care for you.

00:16:45.000 Like if I don't care back...

00:16:46.000 Oh, yeah.

00:16:47.000 Was that the case with her?

00:16:48.000 No, no, no.

00:16:49.000 She was just too drunk.

00:16:50.000 But I've had that where I think that... 1.00

00:16:52.000 Sometimes like you know how guys will lie to fuck women will say like yeah, I love you when we don't They'll lie and they'll go. 1.00

00:16:57.000 I just want sex, but they really want love after it And if I sense that someone is doing that I still feel like I'm a liar if I pretend I don't know what she's doing So I won't do it. 0.99

00:17:07.000 Yeah. 0.69

00:17:08.000 Yeah, you you're a sensitive guy.

00:17:10.000 You're trying to avoid the bad feels Yeah, I just don't want to be a creep.

00:17:14.000 Like, it's not even...

00:17:14.000 I don't even think I'm doing anything good.

00:17:16.000 It's like, yeah, you're not supposed to fuck someone who's so drunk that she's gonna vomit. 0.99

00:17:19.000 Like, you know what I mean? 1.00

00:17:19.000 Like, it's almost like I'm not a good guy for not fucking her, but someone is fucked up if they do. 1.00

00:17:24.000 It's like, if you know she's, like, that loaded and you're still sticking her ass, it's like, come on, dude. 1.00

00:17:28.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:17:29.000 You know, I think she would do it sober. 0.98

00:17:31.000 So it's like then I would be fine with it.

00:17:33.000 Right, right, right.

00:17:34.000 But anyway, I don't, I find like I don't like, the older I get, the less I like anyone who's not right here.

00:17:41.000 Like in thinking the same way or being, I just don't like a predatory feeling.

00:17:47.000 It just never turned me on.

00:17:48.000 Yeah, you know what that is, too?

00:17:49.000 That's also, like, as you get older, you realize, like, any kind of confrontation, any kind of negative feeling, that stuff ruins your day, clings to you for however long you choose to hang on to it, and any sort of negative interaction that you have with another person.

00:18:04.000 Right.

00:18:05.000 It's just bad.

00:18:06.000 It's just bad.

00:18:07.000 I tell people that all the time when, like, when people start...

00:18:10.000 Flame Wars with people online.

00:18:11.000 I'm like, look, man.

00:18:12.000 What's a flame war? 1.00

00:18:13.000 Is that just when everybody's talking shit? 1.00

00:18:14.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. 1.00

00:18:14.000 You're like shitting on people on Twitter. 1.00

00:18:17.000 I'm like, don't get invested in this. 1.00

00:18:19.000 Because even if you win, even if you make this person feel terrible, this is going to cling to you.

00:18:24.000 I've done it before.

00:18:25.000 I know the feeling.

00:18:27.000 The insulting thing, and the mean thing, and the negative feelings thing, and any kind of weird confrontation that you have with human beings, where one person walks away from it feeling terrible.

00:18:38.000 Like, those things cling.

00:18:40.000 They hang on to you, you know?

00:18:42.000 And it's most of the time not necessary.

00:18:44.000 Yep.

00:18:45.000 My problem is I have ego like everybody else, so when someone says something shitty, like as comedians, you just respond because you're used to doing it in a live room.

00:18:53.000 But after a while, I'm like, what is the satisfaction? 0.98

00:18:55.000 Like you said, even if you win, who gives a fuck? 0.99

00:18:57.000 Yeah, who gives a fuck? 1.00

00:18:58.000 Who cares? 1.00

00:18:58.000 Wow, I made a guy feel worse than he was trying to make me feel. 1.00

00:19:02.000 Yeah.

00:19:02.000 That's not why I got into the business.

00:19:04.000 I didn't get into the business to spread joy, but it's like, you know, I'm a comic.

00:19:06.000 I'm not here to make people feel shitty.

00:19:08.000 Yeah, I mean, the best part about a show is when you're killing.

00:19:12.000 And the best part about killing is that a whole room full of people feel great.

00:19:16.000 Right.

00:19:16.000 Everybody's laughing hard.

00:19:18.000 You see it.

00:19:19.000 When you look out in someone's face and you're like...

00:19:21.000 Yeah.

00:19:22.000 They're crying, laughing.

00:19:23.000 That's a positive feeling.

00:19:25.000 And when you get in any sort of a negative situation with someone, just as simple as a girl pretending she just wants sex, but she really wants love, and then when she's leaving, she feels bummed out, and then you feel bummed out, and then you get a text from her, like, was that all that it was to you?

00:19:40.000 And like, oh, Jesus.

00:19:41.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:19:42.000 Oh fucking Christ, you know that all those negative things man as you get older you realize You've sort of date a chunk you sort of add up all the ones that you've had in your life you go up I know what this is. 0.99

00:19:52.000 I see this coming, right? 0.99

00:19:54.000 Yeah, so you learn to back off. 0.98

00:19:55.000 Let's just be friends I don't want a lot of times if someone comes over like I might fuck around with them a little bit But I don't want to put my dick in someone until I've hung with them at least once or twice So they this way if we fool around a little bit and they walk away and they don't feel good like well We didn't fuck like I don't worry buddy. 0.96

00:20:10.000 I just don't want to be somebody's mistake. 0.98

00:20:11.000 Yeah Yeah.

00:20:12.000 I have been before and I feel shitty about it.

00:20:14.000 I never feel good about it.

00:20:15.000 Isn't it funny that there's like stages of things you could do?

00:20:18.000 Like you hug someone, it doesn't mean anything.

00:20:20.000 You could hug a co-worker, you could hug a friend, and I'll hug you.

00:20:23.000 It doesn't mean anything.

00:20:23.000 Sure.

00:20:24.000 But then there's like hugging and kissing.

00:20:26.000 Oh, you took it to another level.

00:20:28.000 Yeah.

00:20:28.000 Now you touched lips.

00:20:30.000 Ooh.

00:20:30.000 Holding hands.

00:20:31.000 Like you can hold hands with a friend and say, it's good to see you.

00:20:34.000 It's good to see you.

00:20:34.000 Sure.

00:20:34.000 You could shake hands with someone, and that's just a business transaction.

00:20:38.000 Hello, Bob.

00:20:38.000 Hello, Mike.

00:20:39.000 Yeah.

00:20:39.000 No problem there.

00:20:40.000 You know, but when you stick your dick inside someone, oh, things get weird. 1.00

00:20:45.000 Yeah, it gets a little more connected. 1.00

00:20:47.000 Yeah.

00:20:47.000 And it feels more connected, and they certainly feel more connected to you.

00:20:50.000 So, yeah, and if I do it for a shitty reason, I know it, and I don't feel good about it, and I'm like, ugh. 1.00

00:20:54.000 And when you put your dick in their ass, it's like, whoa, this just got crazy. 1.00

00:20:58.000 Yeah, this just got great. 1.00

00:20:59.000 Yeah.

00:21:02.000 He just took it to that wild place.

00:21:04.000 Like, oh boy. 1.00

00:21:06.000 I haven't fucked anyone in the ass in so long, dude. 1.00

00:21:08.000 A couple weeks? 1.00

00:21:09.000 No, years.

00:21:11.000 Years.

00:21:11.000 I've just...

00:21:12.000 I don't know what it is.

00:21:13.000 I'm just running out of steam, I guess, as I get older. 0.99

00:21:17.000 Fucking petering out. 0.97

00:21:19.000 No, it seems like you're being more considerate as you get older. 0.99

00:21:21.000 It's interesting.

00:21:22.000 And I agree with your perception. 0.98

00:21:23.000 I think you're a pervert, but I don't think you're a bad pervert. 0.89

00:21:26.000 I think what you were saying was that you're not a negative person. 0.99

00:21:29.000 You're not a creep.

00:21:30.000 You're not a mean person.

00:21:32.000 I don't think pervert is a bad thing.

00:21:34.000 I think it's hilarious. 1.00

00:21:35.000 You know, like when you start talking about feet or all the weird shit, the girl putting her hand in your mouth, that's a pervert. 1.00

00:21:40.000 But it ain't a bad part. 0.99

00:21:41.000 It doesn't make me feel bad.

00:21:44.000 I don't think of you in a negative way at all.

00:21:45.000 I think it's a positive thing, because you're honest about what turns you on, what you get excited by.

00:21:51.000 Yeah, and it helps.

00:21:52.000 Google is my friend and my enemy.

00:21:54.000 When I'm dating, I really have had many girls Google me, and that's all she wrote.

00:22:00.000 It's never good.

00:22:01.000 If they don't know me beforehand, I'm finished.

00:22:07.000 Because they Google stuff and they find it.

00:22:09.000 Or not!

00:22:10.000 Then, well, then that's a trooper.

00:22:12.000 Then you gotta party.

00:22:13.000 You got a great girl.

00:22:15.000 If she meets me not knowing anything and Googles and then reads what she can read and goes, oh, wow, this guy's even better than I thought, she's phenomenal.

00:22:22.000 But that's very, very rare that that happens.

00:22:25.000 It just doesn't happen very often.

00:22:27.000 Well, it seems like, though, they would find you, though.

00:22:30.000 I mean, there's a spectrum of human beings, right?

00:22:32.000 Yeah.

00:22:32.000 And they would find you.

00:22:33.000 You're like, well, this is what I'm looking for.

00:22:35.000 Yeah, I do get that too.

00:22:38.000 It's a very narrowed corridor of people, but the ones who do really show up with their gear packed.

00:22:49.000 Well, when you say, like, a narrow corridor of people, though, I mean, I kind of feel like that's the same way with everybody, really, like, when it comes down to, like, who's attracted to you and likes you, generally it is kind of a narrow corridor of people, but most of the time you don't find that corridor,

00:23:05.000 you know?

00:23:05.000 Like, at least with a guy like you, a girl can Google you.

00:23:08.000 Yes. 0.96

00:23:09.000 You know, like, some regular guy, like, what are the odds that she's gonna know his sexual proclivities and all the weird shit he's into, and, you know, how open he's been about his relationships on the radio? 0.97

00:23:19.000 Sure. 0.97

00:23:20.000 Pretty, pretty hard to find.

00:23:22.000 I mean, so, you know that Thoreau quote?

00:23:24.000 I always bring this up.

00:23:24.000 I bring it up too much, I know, folks, if you're listening, but most men live lives of quiet desperation.

00:23:29.000 That's a great quote. 0.99

00:23:31.000 Fuck yeah, it is. 1.00

00:23:31.000 I listen to that quote all the time. 1.00

00:23:33.000 I read that quote all the time.

00:23:34.000 I think of that quote all the time.

00:23:36.000 Because I think it's one of those things that we just do and we don't address.

00:23:41.000 Especially if you work in the public sector or you work in business, rather.

00:23:46.000 You're a guy who works in an office.

00:23:47.000 You're wearing a suit and a tie and you're acting as normal as you can.

00:23:52.000 You know, there's a lot of that going on out there where people are pretending to be someone who they're not.

00:23:57.000 It's a huge problem.

00:23:58.000 Yeah.

00:23:59.000 One of the things that you're seeing these days, and I wanted to bring this up with you now that you're here.

00:24:02.000 Jamie, pull up my Twitter profile. 0.96

00:24:05.000 There was a tweet that I posted last night that I found this guy got in trouble for a fucking joke. 0.93

00:24:11.000 And he wound up leaving this company that I think is involved in video games. 0.97

00:24:18.000 He's been on Dave Rubin's show.

00:24:19.000 Dave Rubin was raving about him.

00:24:21.000 Look at this.

00:24:22.000 Look what this guy wrote.

00:24:24.000 Click on the one on the left right there.

00:24:26.000 This is what he wrote.

00:24:27.000 Ah, peace and quiet, hashtag a day without a woman. 1.00

00:24:30.000 Just a fucking joke. 1.00

00:24:31.000 Real simple joke. 1.00

00:24:32.000 Now, go to the next one, Jamie. 0.99

00:24:34.000 Look what the fucking International Business Times wrote. 0.99

00:24:37.000 Kinda funny, Colin Moriarty resigns after targeting women in racist joke. 0.99

00:24:45.000 Insists it's his personal decision to resign.

00:24:48.000 Racist?

00:24:49.000 Is there a race known as women? 1.00

00:24:51.000 Are women a fucking race now? 1.00

00:24:53.000 Did you know that a dad joke about women is racist? 1.00

00:24:56.000 Get some brain surgeons over there at Ivy Times. 0.80

00:24:59.000 Wow, that's crazy!

00:25:01.000 Get some vacancies for real journalists too.

00:25:04.000 Click on that quote again.

00:25:06.000 Look at this, International Business Times. 1.00

00:25:08.000 Fuck you! 1.00

00:25:09.000 Why did he resign? 1.00

00:25:10.000 Whoever this guy is, what is this guy, by Mike Luce's?

00:25:13.000 Luke's, whatever your name is. 1.00

00:25:15.000 Fuck you, man. 1.00

00:25:16.000 That is virtue signaling at its very worst. 1.00

00:25:21.000 You know that's not a racist joke.

00:25:23.000 What you did is you targeted that guy, you went after that guy, and you did it in a very deceptive way.

00:25:31.000 If anything, it's just a joke, and you might not like it.

00:25:37.000 You might think, well, that's not...

00:25:38.000 Really good if you're working in an environment with women. 1.00

00:25:41.000 You don't want to hear them talk.

00:25:43.000 That might be sexist. 1.00

00:25:44.000 It's a fucking joke. 1.00

00:25:46.000 And saying that it's racist, that is so fucking deceptive. 1.00

00:25:51.000 And manipulative. 0.99

00:25:52.000 At least the guy fought back, though.

00:25:53.000 Colin Moriarty, I don't know why he resigned.

00:25:55.000 Maybe they were going to fire him.

00:25:56.000 What's this guy's article say?

00:25:58.000 How does he tie in race with it?

00:25:59.000 He has to have some connection.

00:26:01.000 Let's go to the article. 0.99

00:26:03.000 There's no fucking connection. 0.99

00:26:05.000 It's completely crazy. 1.00

00:26:07.000 How could there be a connection?

00:26:08.000 I don't know.

00:26:09.000 Unless that's a race. 1.00

00:26:11.000 Unless women are a fucking race. 1.00

00:26:13.000 It's just crazy that someone would think that it's okay to do that. 1.00

00:26:17.000 I like that this guy's punching back, though.

00:26:19.000 I kind of like that he's not just taking it quietly and apologizing.

00:26:22.000 Well, he quit whatever organization that is that he was working for, kind of funny, and just decided. 0.98

00:26:29.000 And so many people that he was working with shit on him for that joke. 1.00

00:26:33.000 It's just a goddamn joke. 0.99

00:26:34.000 Why is everybody so sensitive today? 0.99

00:26:37.000 And is it that they're so sensitive, or is it that they're super ready to jump down other people's throats because they sense that this is a very hostile environment, and when you tell jokes, people are what...

00:26:48.000 What are you doing?

00:26:49.000 Is this it?

00:26:50.000 Okay, when you...

00:26:51.000 Oh, he updated it?

00:26:53.000 And by the way, I don't think it's that people are...

00:26:56.000 Oh, he took down the word racist! 1.00

00:26:57.000 Still fuck you! 1.00

00:26:59.000 Described as a joke tweeted by Kamala as racist. 1.00

00:27:01.000 It was not.

00:27:02.000 The article has been changed to reflect this. 1.00

00:27:04.000 Still fuck you. 1.00

00:27:05.000 Yeah, still fuck you is right. 1.00

00:27:06.000 Still fuck you. 1.00

00:27:07.000 That's right. 1.00

00:27:08.000 Just fuck you, man. 1.00

00:27:10.000 We got a real problem today, that people are jumping down people's throats for jokes, and they're doing it because they sense that there's soft targets, that there's gonna be a pile-on, and they sense the pile-on, they go, oh, this guy made a joke about women. 1.00

00:27:23.000 Let's get them! 0.91

00:27:24.000 A bunch of people are gonna be getting them.

00:27:25.000 This is a free shot.

00:27:26.000 It's kicking someone while they're down. 0.96

00:27:27.000 That's right.

00:27:28.000 That's what it is. 1.00

00:27:28.000 It's a drunk girl at the party, and you're sticking it right in her ass. 1.00

00:27:31.000 It's basically the same thing. 1.00

00:27:32.000 They're mean.

00:27:33.000 No, it's not the same thing as that at all.

00:27:34.000 I didn't say that. 0.97

00:27:36.000 It's the same shitty mentality behind it. 0.88

00:27:38.000 It's that people, like, people, they don't feel offended. 0.96

00:27:41.000 They just feel it's a chance to be mean. 0.94

00:27:43.000 And you can be mean to someone who does something fucked up or says something racist or whatever. 1.00

00:27:48.000 So, yeah, people are just cunts. 1.00

00:27:49.000 That joke is every episode of Married with Children. 0.99

00:27:51.000 It is.

00:27:52.000 It's every episode.

00:27:53.000 Ah, peace and quiet, yeah.

00:27:54.000 Yeah.

00:27:54.000 A day without a woman.

00:27:55.000 Shut up, ding back. 1.00

00:27:56.000 Ah, peace and quiet. 1.00

00:27:57.000 That's it.

00:27:57.000 Peace and quiet.

00:27:58.000 All in the family.

00:27:58.000 Come on.

00:27:59.000 Every episode of Honeymooners.

00:28:01.000 It's the same thing.

00:28:02.000 That was the worst.

00:28:03.000 To the moon, Alice!

00:28:04.000 I know.

00:28:04.000 He was threatening beating her.

00:28:05.000 I know, with his fist.

00:28:07.000 To the moon, Alice!

00:28:09.000 Punching her into interstellar space.

00:28:12.000 And it was so great with that, though.

00:28:14.000 Literally, people would criticize that, but she was like the first feminist on TV because she won every exchange. 1.00

00:28:19.000 Yeah.

00:28:20.000 She was always right. 1.00

00:28:22.000 He was just a big, dumb fatso, and he was always fucking up. 1.00

00:28:25.000 And he would always get mad! 1.00

00:28:27.000 And he would always get mad, and she would all, like, the writing in that, the fucking, the emasculating lines she had. 0.99

00:28:34.000 Some of the best lines, I don't want my salary to leak out! 0.99

00:28:38.000 Your salary couldn't drip out! 0.99

00:28:40.000 Oh, what a fucking great line to write! 1.00

00:28:43.000 Your salary couldn't drip out! 1.00

00:28:45.000 It was a great show!

00:28:45.000 How humiliating!

00:28:46.000 And you know what, another thing about that show that was so great about the Honeymooners, There wasn't a lot of previous sitcoms.

00:28:52.000 No.

00:28:52.000 I mean, there was a groundbreaking new thing at the time.

00:28:55.000 It was on, I think Cavalcade it was called.

00:28:58.000 All the lost ones, some of them are 15 minutes, 20 minutes.

00:29:03.000 They were part of a sketch show.

00:29:05.000 The Honeymooners was a sketch in an overall show.

00:29:07.000 It was like Dice.

00:29:08.000 When he started, he was just Dice as a character in Andy Clay's act.

00:29:11.000 That's what that was.

00:29:13.000 Wow.

00:29:13.000 And it just became this thing which didn't do well.

00:29:16.000 And they came back years later.

00:29:19.000 But so funny. 1.00

00:29:20.000 But you can never do that shit today. 1.00

00:29:21.000 Well, you can't do it all in the family. 1.00

00:29:23.000 No.

00:29:23.000 There's a million movies that you couldn't do.

00:29:26.000 You know, I mean, you try watching like older movies.

00:29:29.000 What was it that we looked at recently that we were like, there's no way you could do that today. 0.60

00:29:32.000 There was an old movie that was a really fucking funny movie from like the 90s. 0.51

00:29:38.000 I don't remember which one it was. 0.90

00:29:38.000 Tochilla Mockingbird. 0.90

00:29:40.000 That guy's a bad guesser.

00:29:42.000 You probably couldn't do that one either.

00:29:44.000 No, it was like one of those...

00:29:45.000 Oh, oh, it was National Lampoon's Vacation.

00:29:48.000 I'm like, good lord. 0.94

00:29:49.000 I watched National Lampoon's Vacation, and it's just like, there's no fucking way you could do that movie today. 0.80

00:29:54.000 I don't remember it. 0.87

00:29:55.000 I've seen it.

00:29:55.000 It was sexist, misogynistic, everything.

00:30:01.000 There's no humor.

00:30:03.000 Humor has to be, it has to pass these rigid filters now.

00:30:08.000 It's not as simple as say something inappropriate, but that's still funny, that you don't necessarily mean.

00:30:13.000 One of my favorite comics, and I think one of the greatest of all time, is Roseanne Barr.

00:30:18.000 She was very funny.

00:30:20.000 I put her as one of the most important comics of all time. 0.90

00:30:22.000 Because I think that what Roseanne did was, she had that powerful fuck you comedy as a woman. 1.00

00:30:30.000 And it was really one of the first ever. 0.97

00:30:32.000 Because women were more sedate, even if they were really good comics like Joan Rivers. 1.00

00:30:37.000 It was a different sort of style of delivery.

00:30:40.000 But Roseanne came out like a hardcore man club comic. 1.00

00:30:45.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:30:45.000 You know, and she was shitting on her husband for being a fucking loser and being fat. 1.00

00:30:50.000 And it was just hard and slamming. 1.00

00:30:52.000 And I didn't take offense as a man. 0.99

00:30:55.000 I didn't hear those jokes and go, I can't believe she's shitting on men. 1.00

00:30:59.000 Right. 1.00

00:30:59.000 Can't believe she's shitting on men. 1.00

00:31:01.000 It was just funny. 1.00

00:31:02.000 We need to stop this.

00:31:03.000 This is sexist.

00:31:05.000 So this guy saying, you know, ah, peace and quiet. 0.99

00:31:08.000 Like, I'm sorry, if you're not a yappy cunt, that joke shouldn't offend you. 0.99

00:31:13.000 Right. 0.99

00:31:13.000 Okay? 0.99

00:31:13.000 If you're a person who's a great conversationalist and you also happen to have a vagina, that shouldn't bother you even in the slightest. 0.99

00:31:19.000 And it probably doesn't. 0.99

00:31:20.000 It's just like, oh, I know that should bother me, so I'm gonna be shitty about it.

00:31:23.000 I don't even think people care that much.

00:31:24.000 I think they just like to attack other people.

00:31:27.000 Exactly.

00:31:27.000 That's what I'm talking about.

00:31:28.000 And that's why fuck you to that guy who wrote that article, and especially fuck you, because he called him a racist. 1.00

00:31:33.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:31:33.000 He did that on purpose because he knew it was gonna be clickbait, it was gonna get people to go to that article, and it was gonna get people more excited about it without even reading it. 1.00

00:31:41.000 Because all they need is the article.

00:31:42.000 Most people are so fucking busy, they don't have time to read the whole thing. 0.98

00:31:47.000 They're so quick to pull the trigger. 0.98

00:31:48.000 All they need is the title.

00:31:50.000 What's the title?

00:31:51.000 Oh, that's good enough. 1.00

00:31:52.000 Fuck him. 1.00

00:31:53.000 Let's tweet at him. 1.00

00:31:54.000 Yeah. 0.64

00:31:54.000 Let's shame him. 0.64

00:31:55.000 Yeah.

00:31:56.000 Did you ever interview John Ronson?

00:31:57.000 He's great.

00:31:58.000 I've talked to him before.

00:32:00.000 He's a really interesting guy about shame.

00:32:02.000 And I always feel it, so I kind of understand that it's a weird...

00:32:06.000 It's like what everybody's afraid of.

00:32:08.000 People fight so they don't feel ashamed and have to back off. 0.99

00:32:11.000 Shame is a fucking amazingly powerful thing. 0.98

00:32:14.000 The reason guys shoot or go on a shooting spree at work is because they've been shamed because they've been fired or because their wife is asleep with somebody else and there's shame in it. 1.00

00:32:22.000 It's the worst fucking thing. 0.98

00:32:24.000 Well, shame is a new thing that people are going after. 1.00

00:32:28.000 You know, like fat shaming and slut shaming.

00:32:32.000 These are like completely new ideas in American culture.

00:32:36.000 There was no slut shaming when we were kids. 0.97

00:32:38.000 You never even fucking heard of it as a concept. 0.99

00:32:41.000 Yeah, you call a girl a slut and that was it. 1.00

00:32:43.000 They're saying like, well, girls should be able to be sluts too and they shouldn't be shamed or fat people. 1.00

00:32:47.000 Hey look, I don't care if you're fucking fat, but if you're sitting next to me and you're taking up more space than you should on a plane, I do have a problem with it because you're making a decision that's fucking me up. 1.00

00:32:57.000 I don't care if you eat. 0.99

00:32:57.000 I literally, those people that live in a house that have to be crated out, good for them. 0.99

00:33:00.000 I don't care if you sit on the toilet forever, knock yourself out.

00:33:03.000 It doesn't bother me. 1.00

00:33:04.000 I'm not going to shame those people, but if you're sitting next to me, I'm like, what the fuck? 0.99

00:33:08.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:33:10.000 Look, being fat is a shameful thing. 0.68

00:33:14.000 It just is.

00:33:15.000 It brings people shame.

00:33:17.000 I mean, that's why there's humor in it. 0.99

00:33:18.000 That's why when a fat guy takes off his shirt and he doesn't give a fuck, it's hilarious. 0.99

00:33:22.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:33:22.000 Because, like, that guy doesn't give a fuck. 1.00

00:33:23.000 That's right. 1.00

00:33:23.000 He's shameless. 1.00

00:33:25.000 You know? 0.97

00:33:25.000 Right. 0.97

00:33:26.000 You know, a guy with a big gut and he's rubbing it like Buddha?

00:33:29.000 That's where it's funny, right? 0.96

00:33:31.000 Because this guy's shameless. 0.99

00:33:32.000 He looks disgusting. 0.99

00:33:33.000 Whereas you or I would look at that and go, oh, if that was me, I'd be so sad. 1.00

00:33:36.000 He doesn't give a fuck. 1.00

00:33:38.000 And we admire him because he doesn't give a fuck, too. 1.00

00:33:40.000 Yes, yes. 0.99

00:33:40.000 We like the fact that he's like, he's literally, either he doesn't give a fuck, or he's so ashamed of it, he's learned how to own it. 0.99

00:33:46.000 I think it's a common, both. 1.00

00:33:47.000 Some people are probably so fucked up by it, they're like, fuck it. 1.00

00:33:50.000 I'll wear it. 1.00

00:33:51.000 And other people just don't give a shit. 0.99

00:33:52.000 There are so many weak, weak, weak men out there that go after people for jokes like that guy, Colin Moriarty, is that his name? 1.00

00:34:03.000 That made that joke.

00:34:05.000 I'm having him on the podcast.

00:34:06.000 I reached out to him last night after this.

00:34:07.000 I was like, this is so crazy.

00:34:10.000 And I looked at all his tweets and all the people that were piling on. 0.99

00:34:13.000 I'm like, what in the fuck are you guys talking about? 0.99

00:34:15.000 This is so mild. 1.00

00:34:17.000 It's so silly. 0.90

00:34:18.000 Yeah. 0.97

00:34:18.000 Who cares? 0.97

00:34:19.000 Ah, peace and quiet.

00:34:21.000 Jesus Christ, that's it?

00:34:22.000 Yeah.

00:34:22.000 That's it?

00:34:22.000 That's all it takes?

00:34:23.000 All it takes.

00:34:24.000 For you to be disappointed with him?

00:34:25.000 I mean, there's so many people, people that he worked with piled on.

00:34:28.000 What was kind of funny?

00:34:29.000 What was that magazine?

00:34:30.000 I don't know.

00:34:31.000 I don't even know what it was.

00:34:32.000 Jesus.

00:34:33.000 I never heard about it until last night.

00:34:34.000 Somebody tweeted to me that thing, and then he tweeted that at me, that, did you know that it was racist to, you know, to make a joke about women?

00:34:41.000 I was like, what is this?

00:34:43.000 And then I looked into it.

00:34:44.000 I was like, oh my God, this is so crazy. 1.00

00:34:46.000 What a dick that guy was to put that down. 1.00

00:34:48.000 I wonder if he thought it was racist or he heard it was. 1.00

00:34:50.000 How could he possibly?

00:34:51.000 I don't know.

00:34:52.000 It's so simple.

00:34:52.000 It's such a simple joke.

00:34:54.000 I mean, there's no room for error there.

00:34:56.000 A day without a woman. 0.99

00:34:57.000 Hashtag a day without a woman. 1.00

00:34:58.000 And then, ah, peace and quiet.

00:35:00.000 That's it?

00:35:01.000 Yeah.

00:35:01.000 You see racists there?

00:35:02.000 It's crazy. 0.98

00:35:03.000 Monsters. 1.00

00:35:04.000 It's fucking crazy. 1.00

00:35:05.000 Anti-human monsters. 1.00

00:35:06.000 They want people to feel pain for almost no reason whatsoever, or they will go out of their way and use any tactic they can.

00:35:13.000 If they see that it's, in their eyes, it's legit and it's somehow or another warranted. 0.99

00:35:20.000 It's that goddamn virtue signaling. 1.00

00:35:22.000 There's so many weak men out there that virtue signal. 1.00

00:35:25.000 They're like to attack other men for anything that shows that they're better than that man.

00:35:30.000 Yeah, so they get a little pat on the back, a little cyber pat.

00:35:33.000 Aren't I good?

00:35:35.000 People have been doing it lately politically, too, and it's like, I don't care how people feel about their politics.

00:35:39.000 Fine.

00:35:39.000 But it's like the obsessive tweeting the same thing over and over.

00:35:42.000 They just want people to go like, wow, this guy really wears this. 1.00

00:35:45.000 Shut up. 0.96

00:35:46.000 Yeah, exactly. 0.99

00:35:47.000 Exactly.

00:35:48.000 I literally, I don't have, and I just, I took it out because I tripped on the punchline.

00:35:52.000 In my special, I had a Trump bit, and I was just like, ugh. 0.75

00:35:55.000 And I fucked up one of the final words. 0.98

00:35:57.000 There was no way to fix it because I'm just a dope. 1.00

00:35:59.000 And I literally, I was about to grab the pussy, and I said, grab her pussy. 1.00

00:36:04.000 Could you, like, voice over it? 1.00

00:36:05.000 I tried to because I said it earlier in the thing, but I'm like...

00:36:09.000 Just take it out. 1.00

00:36:10.000 Fuck it. 1.00

00:36:11.000 Who cares? 1.00

00:36:11.000 It wasn't a swan enough bit anyway. 1.00

00:36:13.000 It was like, okay, but I'm like, I could do this better, but I'm not just saying something cheesy and, you know, cheesy and fucking, you know, donk over the head.

00:36:22.000 Sometimes when I'm doing a bit, like, about something that's real current events like that, like, I am on stage literally searching for the words as I'm saying them.

00:36:29.000 Yeah.

00:36:30.000 Like, I'm hoping that a new word will come out or a new angle will come out or a new...

00:36:34.000 A new perception.

00:36:35.000 Like, I'll be able to see an angle of it that I didn't see before.

00:36:40.000 And then, you know, sometimes you've got to realize also that bits only have humor in them because they're current.

00:36:47.000 Yeah, they hit people immediately.

00:36:48.000 And they, oh, yeah!

00:36:49.000 That guy!

00:36:50.000 Can't believe he did that.

00:36:51.000 When you have to start going, remember what...

00:36:53.000 They're like, no, we don't... 0.99

00:36:55.000 Unless it's fucking genius. 0.99

00:36:58.000 Like, there are some remember ones that you could pull out. 0.97

00:37:01.000 But, you know, it all, like, I feel like every bit or every idea, not even necessarily just with jokes, but any subject they could talk about, like, these subjects have energy to them.

00:37:14.000 And when a subject doesn't have the energy to it, it just doesn't.

00:37:17.000 And you could try to juice it up and jazz it up.

00:37:19.000 But I remember there was a guy...

00:37:20.000 That's a good way to put it.

00:37:21.000 That's a really good way to put it.

00:37:22.000 Because sometimes I've never been able to put the words on why does all of a sudden something, like it's no longer topical.

00:37:27.000 That's a great way to phrase it.

00:37:29.000 It doesn't have energy around it, like in the room.

00:37:31.000 Yeah.

00:37:31.000 Because it's kind of on everybody's mind.

00:37:33.000 Right, yeah.

00:37:34.000 Like last night, yesterday we were doing a podcast, and we got to the subject of Brexit and leaving Britain, and I could feel the energy in the podcast drain, because I didn't really give a fuck about the subject anymore, and it's kind of a tired subject, and it's just been beaten down so many times.

00:37:49.000 It just seemed like there was no energy in it.

00:37:52.000 It just seemed like, ugh.

00:37:53.000 Maybe if I lived in England, it would be different.

00:37:55.000 Maybe if I was over there experiencing the pros and cons of Brexit.

00:37:58.000 But to me, it was like...

00:37:59.000 Ideas have, but we were talking about artificial intelligence, the potential of artificial intelligence taking over the human race, and that one charges me up, and that one gives me like, oh, this subject has energy to it.

00:38:10.000 This is a subject.

00:38:12.000 There's things that have, they have a something to them, like an overall mass to them.

00:38:19.000 Well, the word I'm going to use should make people want to smack my face.

00:38:21.000 But some things have explorability.

00:38:24.000 Yes. 0.99

00:38:24.000 I know I'm a complete cunt for saying that. 0.99

00:38:26.000 I acknowledge it. 0.99

00:38:26.000 No, it's a good word. 0.99

00:38:27.000 But, like, Brexit, you kind of explore and it's done.

00:38:30.000 But, like, artificial intelligence, you can always...

00:38:33.000 It doesn't feel like you're walking into a room that's already been searched.

00:38:36.000 Like, a lot of times you walk into the room and it's like, I've looked in this room, I've opened every door.

00:38:39.000 There's really nothing new in here.

00:38:40.000 And it's boring.

00:38:41.000 And the audience feels it.

00:38:42.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:38:43.000 So, yeah, that's what it is.

00:38:43.000 But artificial intelligence is always...

00:38:46.000 Yeah, I like dogs.

00:38:47.000 Do you like cats?

00:38:48.000 I don't understand people who like cats.

00:38:50.000 There's only so many times someone can say that until you're like, oh my god, I can't do this anymore.

00:38:54.000 Exactly, I don't care about either one of them.

00:38:56.000 Yeah, I'm done.

00:38:56.000 I can't.

00:38:57.000 People, I've been riding the idea of liking meaty pussies since fucking 1990, so it's time to step forward. 1.00

00:39:02.000 I've always been a meaty pussy fan. 1.00

00:39:03.000 Oh, really? 1.00

00:39:04.000 Yeah, I like the bat lips, back wings.

00:39:07.000 I just don't understand why people don't. 1.00

00:39:09.000 They wrap around your dick. 1.00

00:39:10.000 It's like an extra gripper. 1.00

00:39:12.000 Yeah, I like that a lot, too.

00:39:13.000 I'm so happy.

00:39:14.000 I was just kidding by saying that.

00:39:16.000 I didn't know you liked that B.M. No, I am.

00:39:17.000 And I was talking to this woman who was explaining to me how women watching porn gives him a fucked up self-image because a lot of those women have labia surgery. 1.00

00:39:26.000 Oh, I hate those labioplasty doctors. 1.00

00:39:28.000 I hate them. 0.99

00:39:30.000 The worst. 1.00

00:39:30.000 It's just so crazy that you would remove pussy skin. 1.00

00:39:34.000 Like, because they don't want their pussy to look, like, ragged. 1.00

00:39:37.000 They don't want it to be, like, hanging out. 1.00

00:39:39.000 No, your pussy's never too big. 1.00

00:39:41.000 Like, literally, you say, my pussy's too big. 1.00

00:39:42.000 Why? 1.00

00:39:43.000 Because sometimes when I'm putting my shoe on, my heel gets caught in it.

00:39:46.000 Then it's maybe too big.

00:39:49.000 If you trip over it while you're jumping rope.

00:39:52.000 If it gets stung by the leather rope.

00:39:55.000 Yeah, if it dangles like wasp legs.

00:39:57.000 It comes too big.

00:40:00.000 Wasp legs! 1.00

00:40:02.000 But yeah, I hate that too.

00:40:04.000 It drives me crazy.

00:40:05.000 That's why I talk about it because it's fun to joke about.

00:40:07.000 But women always will email me like, I love that you like that because I've been so self-conscious.

00:40:11.000 I'm like, please.

00:40:12.000 I just don't know why it would be a bad thing.

00:40:14.000 I've never understood why it's a bad thing.

00:40:16.000 I don't either.

00:40:17.000 Because some guys don't like it, though.

00:40:18.000 Some guys like that neat little...

00:40:19.000 Me and Anthony should talk about that.

00:40:20.000 I like a tight little package. 1.00

00:40:22.000 You know, Ant's a fucking meat and potatoes guy. 1.00

00:40:24.000 He wants them naked and a tight little package. 1.00

00:40:27.000 That's how he likes them? 0.99

00:40:27.000 That's how he likes them. 0.99

00:40:29.000 Anthony might like them a little young, too.

00:40:31.000 Yeah, I mean, he might like it neat for other reasons.

00:40:33.000 He hasn't had time to.

00:40:34.000 Yeah, he might like them fresh out of the box.

00:40:37.000 Yeah, he also enjoys green bananas.

00:40:39.000 Yeah.

00:40:40.000 LAUGHTER He likes to pick the coconut off the tree.

00:40:46.000 He really does.

00:40:47.000 And hack it open with a machete.

00:40:50.000 Yeah, but it was so funny to talk to a guy who was so opposite me in like that.

00:40:55.000 But I almost wish I was like that.

00:40:57.000 I think that's a simpler thing.

00:40:59.000 Not simpler.

00:41:00.000 It's just an easier thing to find than to have these weird little quirks. 1.00

00:41:04.000 So you get bummed out if a girl's pussy is nice and tight and trimmed up? 1.00

00:41:08.000 No, because usually by that point there's something in her personality I like or there's something about her scent that I like. 1.00

00:41:14.000 It's like buying an apartment.

00:41:16.000 You pick your back.

00:41:17.000 Like, okay, I want it to be in a good location.

00:41:18.000 I want it to have a doorman, but I want it to have outdoors.

00:41:20.000 You're going to get two of those three things.

00:41:21.000 That's how it is when you're dating.

00:41:23.000 What if you were dating a girl and she looked like she's got good bone structure. 1.00

00:41:28.000 She's thick, almost like Eastern European. 1.00

00:41:30.000 She's got big hands. 1.00

00:41:31.000 You're like, wow, this girl's got to have a meaty pussy. 1.00

00:41:33.000 And you get down there and you see scars. 1.00

00:41:35.000 It's happened.

00:41:36.000 She's got it trimmed up.

00:41:37.000 Oh! 0.60

00:41:38.000 I don't know if you'd see them.

00:41:40.000 You wouldn't?

00:41:41.000 No, I think they do a good job.

00:41:43.000 But if a woman ever told me she had it... 1.00

00:41:46.000 Yeah, you look at it like a jeweler.

00:41:47.000 One of those monocles, like Bud from the improv.

00:41:51.000 LAUGHTER Bud Friedman? 1.00

00:41:56.000 What the fuck are those monocles for? 1.00

00:41:58.000 I don't know. 1.00

00:41:58.000 What was the deal with that? 1.00

00:41:59.000 I don't know.

00:42:00.000 They were needed at one point in history, I guess, and people just think it looks smart.

00:42:04.000 Do you think it's just for reading?

00:42:05.000 Like, when people needed to read things?

00:42:07.000 I don't know.

00:42:07.000 Like, why would you want to have something and hold it in your eye?

00:42:09.000 Like, one thing like that.

00:42:12.000 I really don't know the thinking of it.

00:42:14.000 It looks really uncomfortable, and I don't know.

00:42:16.000 I would love to know the history of the monocle now.

00:42:18.000 I have no idea. 0.98

00:42:19.000 Bud Friedman used to put that fucking thing in his eye and go on stage every time he did Evening at the Improv. 0.98

00:42:25.000 He thought it was a good thing to have a monocle in his eye. 0.99

00:42:28.000 Probably after a while, it's like a muscle, like that little thing in your cheek.

00:42:32.000 It probably just holds it there naturally.

00:42:34.000 It's like when you have contacts or reading glasses.

00:42:37.000 I had my $25 reading glasses. 0.99

00:42:40.000 I just can't fucking. 0.98

00:42:42.000 I gotta go back to glasses. 0.99

00:42:43.000 It stinks.

00:42:44.000 48, my eyes are going. 1.00

00:42:45.000 Yeah, my eyes are fucked. 0.99

00:42:46.000 Are you near or far? 1.00

00:42:48.000 Only near. 1.00

00:42:49.000 I see you crystal clear, but when I read, I put these fuckers on. 1.00

00:42:52.000 Are they a prescription? 1.00

00:42:53.000 No.

00:42:53.000 I mean, they are, but I didn't go to a doctor.

00:42:56.000 I just went to look at the charts and found out what it was.

00:43:00.000 That's what I gotta do, because I bought like literally a $25 pair downstairs at CVS. They didn't work?

00:43:05.000 No, they're fine, but I don't think they're good enough.

00:43:07.000 Because then I look up and it's like my face is in gauze. 0.99

00:43:10.000 I'm like, I gotta get one of the fucking... 0.99

00:43:11.000 I gotta pull them off. 1.00

00:43:13.000 They'd probably fuck with your eyes if they're not the correct way. 0.99

00:43:16.000 That's why I don't want to make my eyes worse. 0.99

00:43:18.000 Because I had LASIK back, I guess, I don't know, 10 years ago.

00:43:22.000 But that's starting to not work anymore.

00:43:25.000 But when you got LASIK, was it for nearsightedness or farsightedness?

00:43:28.000 I can't see far away, so it was nearsighted.

00:43:31.000 No, that's farsighted.

00:43:32.000 I can't see far away.

00:43:33.000 Right, isn't that how it works?

00:43:34.000 Yeah, nearsighted.

00:43:35.000 I couldn't see far away, but now it's the reading.

00:43:38.000 It's just farther and farther away, so I just got the reading glasses.

00:43:42.000 I have a friend who's an ophthalmologist, and he said that's just one of the things that happens as you get older.

00:43:46.000 Your eyes just don't focus the same way as they used to.

00:43:49.000 I had a doctor tell me you're supposed to live, my ENT, the guy who did my sinus surgery, he goes, yeah, the human body is designed to live 40-something years, and everything else is just science and medicine, so we break down, and that's what happens.

00:43:59.000 That's why your eyes go, that's why cancers happen.

00:44:01.000 He was just saying that these are all part of just natural, when you're born, you're not designed to live. 0.99

00:44:07.000 God damn it. 0.99

00:44:08.000 80 years. 1.00

00:44:09.000 Goddammit. 0.99

00:44:09.000 I know. 0.99

00:44:10.000 Well, you are, but the last 20 are supposed to suck. 0.99

00:44:12.000 Yeah, yeah. 1.00

00:44:12.000 Oh, they're terrible, yeah. 1.00

00:44:13.000 Supposed to get to the point where when you're on your deathbed, you're like, finally.

00:44:16.000 Yeah, can't wait for this to happen.

00:44:18.000 Get this over with.

00:44:19.000 Yeah, I don't want to die.

00:44:21.000 I've been thinking about that a lot lately.

00:44:22.000 Like, I really resist the idea of it.

00:44:23.000 I don't want to do it.

00:44:24.000 But do you enjoy life?

00:44:26.000 Yeah, much more now.

00:44:27.000 Much happier.

00:44:29.000 Much happier.

00:44:30.000 Because of when?

00:44:32.000 You know, in the last couple of years, I mean, I'm doing the show with Sam now.

00:44:36.000 Me and Sam Roberts have a show together, which has been a lot of fun.

00:44:39.000 It feels like you're starting a new thing.

00:44:41.000 So whenever you get to reset, like, okay, I'm doing a new thing now.

00:44:44.000 It feels...

00:44:45.000 Yeah, it sounds like you guys are having a good time.

00:44:47.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:44:48.000 We really are.

00:44:50.000 And just with doing other stuff with work, I just feel kind of more grateful than I have in a while. 0.99

00:44:54.000 Like, what the fuck? 1.00

00:44:55.000 Shut up. 1.00

00:44:56.000 Stop being upset. 1.00

00:44:57.000 Fucking idiot. 1.00

00:44:58.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:44:59.000 Like, things are really good. 0.99

00:45:00.000 And when I fall into feeling bad, I know it's just because I'm addicted to feeling bad and it's bullshit. 0.99

00:45:04.000 Well, we have such a fucking great job. 0.99

00:45:06.000 When you talk to a person who has a regular job, and they, you know, complain about their job, and then you think about, like, the complaints that you have with being a comic, it's like, goddammit, so minimal. 0.98

00:45:17.000 I had a complaint about it.

00:45:18.000 I had, like, a legit complaint.

00:45:21.000 About, um, whatever the Australian, the Qantas went to Australia. 1.00

00:45:24.000 They fucked me. 1.00

00:45:25.000 And I was annoyed. 0.99

00:45:26.000 They just, the connection didn't wait, even though it was a Qantas plane that was late.

00:45:31.000 And I arrived, and my manager was on the plane waiting for me, and they just wouldn't let me on.

00:45:35.000 He's like, yeah, we already put the paperwork in. 0.94

00:45:37.000 They would just be in cocks. 0.95

00:45:38.000 And they flew me to somewhere else. 1.00

00:45:40.000 It was just a dick move. 0.97

00:45:42.000 So I'm complaining about it online. 1.00

00:45:43.000 But people, they don't give a fuck. 0.99

00:45:45.000 They're like... 1.00

00:45:46.000 Even though it's a legit complaint, they're like, fuck you, you're flying all over the world in business class, shut up! 1.00

00:45:50.000 And they're kind of right, like, it's a luxury problem. 1.00

00:45:53.000 It's a problem of, okay, that's not right the way they did it, but that's not a bad problem to have in life.

00:46:00.000 It's so minor in comparison to most things that people go through. 0.98

00:46:03.000 You know, when you really stop and think about how many people work jobs that they fucking hate. 0.99

00:46:08.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:46:09.000 It's probably 80% of the people.

00:46:11.000 I mean, it's probably close to 80. Well, you said the office before and the things with the women and Googling.

00:46:16.000 Yeah. 0.88

00:46:17.000 You can't, if you're an accountant, you can't walk in as an accountant and go, oh my God, I massaged last night and she stuck her feet in my face and they were clean but stinky. 0.97

00:46:28.000 There's going to be 12 people that go, what?

00:46:30.000 They'll get rid of you.

00:46:31.000 They'll fire you.

00:46:32.000 Human resources will pull you into the office.

00:46:34.000 Jim, I'm going to read from a transcript.

00:46:36.000 You tell me if this is not something that you said. 0.88

00:46:40.000 Someone stuck their feet in my mouth last night, and they were clean but stinky. 0.98

00:46:45.000 It was awesome, and I jerked off under my shirt. 0.95

00:46:48.000 That's not what I said. 0.99

00:46:49.000 I said she put them on my face, and they were clean but stinky.

00:46:52.000 Not in the mouth. 0.99

00:46:53.000 I didn't suck them. 1.00

00:46:53.000 I wanted them clean... 1.00

00:46:55.000 But, you know, in our jobs, we get to discuss anything.

00:46:57.000 And it's so much fun to just vomit it.

00:47:00.000 Yeah.

00:47:00.000 And people like it because they relate to it, but it could be a lot worse.

00:47:04.000 Way worse!

00:47:05.000 So I think of that a lot.

00:47:06.000 Like, I do a fun...

00:47:08.000 I love...

00:47:09.000 I like doing the podcast with Matt.

00:47:10.000 I love Matt Serra.

00:47:11.000 He's a fun guy.

00:47:13.000 You know, he's just the most genuine guy I've probably known in years.

00:47:16.000 Wow.

00:47:16.000 How often do you guys do UFC uncensored, right?

00:47:18.000 How unfiltered?

00:47:19.000 How many?

00:47:20.000 Tuesday, Thursday.

00:47:21.000 Monday, Wednesday we tape.

00:47:22.000 And it's just fun to sit with a guy.

00:47:24.000 Monday, Wednesday you tape?

00:47:25.000 What do you mean?

00:47:25.000 We tape the day before it comes out.

00:47:27.000 Oh! 0.60

00:47:28.000 For whatever reason.

00:47:29.000 That's just the way they schedule it.

00:47:31.000 Why don't you just do it live?

00:47:32.000 I don't know.

00:47:33.000 I would be happy to do it live, but that was just...

00:47:36.000 Is that the UFC's idea?

00:47:38.000 You know, I don't know.

00:47:39.000 I'm guessing they are the bosses, so it's probably them more than digital.

00:47:43.000 But I don't know.

00:47:44.000 Who do you talk to when you do that?

00:47:46.000 If I have a problem or a question, I'll ask Craig.

00:47:49.000 I try not to bother Dana with stuff.

00:47:51.000 But if there's a legit question, I'll have to ask Dana something.

00:47:53.000 But who do you coordinate with when you find out your schedule of who's going to be on the show?

00:47:57.000 We have a booker.

00:47:59.000 And I'll talk to our producer, who really is a great dude, and he's very organized and a great prep guy.

00:48:05.000 But if there's something that I think, like, hey, I would like to have this better, or I would rather we should have this guest on, they're in New York, then I'll maybe ask the UFC booker, or I'll ask Craig or somebody like that if they can help.

00:48:17.000 And when someone comes up, when you have an idea of a guest, you can bring it up to them and they can book it?

00:48:22.000 Sure.

00:48:23.000 Yeah, we just needed a booker and we have someone now who's really helping out.

00:48:26.000 Like, I was...

00:48:27.000 But do you have to run it through, like, the UFC? Like, say if you wanted to have somebody on, do you have to run it through anybody?

00:48:33.000 The producer, Chris, Matt's always teased him, Chris the producer!

00:48:36.000 But he's like a guy who's a little nervous.

00:48:38.000 He doesn't want to get fired.

00:48:39.000 And I'm like, Chris, they're fine if we have a comedian on or a guest.

00:48:41.000 He likes to check it out.

00:48:42.000 I don't think we need to.

00:48:44.000 But it does help.

00:48:45.000 I wanted Francis Ngannou. 0.97

00:48:47.000 I fucking love Ngannou. 0.98

00:48:48.000 He's one of my favorite people. 0.98

00:48:50.000 And they pitched him for our radio show in the morning.

00:48:53.000 I was like, we'll talk to him, even though it's going to be hard because I don't know how well he speaks English.

00:48:57.000 But we actually did the UFC podcast a different day just so we could have him in.

00:49:01.000 So he was great.

00:49:03.000 That's the fun part is you can get people you want to talk to.

00:49:05.000 Yeah, how bad is his English?

00:49:07.000 I mean, I've only talked to him in post-fight interviews.

00:49:08.000 He did not bring an interpreter with him.

00:49:11.000 We did Fedor twice years ago, and that was rough, going through a woman Patrice was in. 1.00

00:49:15.000 It was really a fun interview, but...

00:49:18.000 Yeah, I don't think that's...

00:49:19.000 He spoke no English.

00:49:20.000 Yeah, that's not worth it, going through an interpreter, because you also don't know whether or not they're interpreting accurately.

00:49:26.000 I've had people say that...

00:49:29.000 I'll interview someone after a fight, and then someone who actually speaks the language will say that interpreter fucked up everything, like they got it all wrong. 0.85

00:49:37.000 Oh.

00:49:38.000 That happens.

00:49:39.000 Yeah, I guess so.

00:49:41.000 So we didn't want to do that, but he just brought someone with him.

00:49:44.000 He was nice.

00:49:45.000 That was kind of fun. 1.00

00:49:46.000 That guy's fucking scary. 1.00

00:49:47.000 He's scary, man. 1.00

00:49:48.000 Woo! 0.99

00:49:49.000 I think he's the one to fight.

00:49:51.000 I'm surprised he's number six over Derek Lewis.

00:49:54.000 It's in the neighborhood.

00:49:56.000 I mean, him and Derek Lewis are definitely in the neighborhood.

00:49:57.000 I would give Derek the nod because Derek has beat more top ten competition.

00:50:01.000 He beat Roy Nelson.

00:50:03.000 You know, Derek just beat Travis Brown by KO. That's a big, big victory for him.

00:50:08.000 Yeah, I would rank Derek.

00:50:09.000 Boy, he's fun to listen to.

00:50:11.000 Derek's hilarious.

00:50:12.000 Yeah, he's a fun dude, man. 0.99

00:50:13.000 His fucking Instagram is hilarious. 0.99

00:50:15.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:50:15.000 Some of the shit that he puts on Instagram, you're like, oh my god. 1.00

00:50:18.000 Like, this guy's pushing the fucking envelope. 1.00

00:50:20.000 There's something about... 0.99

00:50:21.000 I don't know if it's because he did time in jail, but there's just something about it that just those guys are like, ugh, I've seen such a worse part of life.

00:50:27.000 This is just...

00:50:28.000 I can only guess what the...

00:50:30.000 It seems like there's a different mentality when you go to jail and come out.

00:50:32.000 What did Derek do time for?

00:50:34.000 I don't remember.

00:50:34.000 It was a three and a half year.

00:50:36.000 We talked to him about it, but I don't know if we got into why he was in jail.

00:50:39.000 It might have been a parole violation for drugs.

00:50:41.000 He was just going down like a road, I think.

00:50:43.000 Three and a half years, huh?

00:50:44.000 I believe he did three and a half years, yeah.

00:50:46.000 It's a long time.

00:50:47.000 He's an interesting guy.

00:50:48.000 He's getting a lot better, man.

00:50:50.000 In the beginning of his career, he was kind of a brawler.

00:50:54.000 And then somewhere around the time when he fought Roy Nelson, I noticed he's putting these combinations together and he's got crazy endurance.

00:51:00.000 And then I saw an interview with him where he was talking about the strength and conditioning workouts he's doing now, and he realized, look, I've got to have a gas tank.

00:51:07.000 Like, he could put it on these dudes and hit him and hurt him, then he'd run out of gas, and he realized, yes, I have a gas tank.

00:51:12.000 And now that he has that gas tank, you're seeing these incredible performances.

00:51:16.000 Yeah, because most guys can keep you going through a round if they know that you might run out of energy. 0.88

00:51:20.000 They can at least, they can keep you away for enough time to fucking capitalize on that.

00:51:24.000 Travis Brown, I was surprised that he lost that fight, because he was doing really well. 0.96

00:51:28.000 Yeah, Travis had him hurt.

00:51:29.000 I've never seen anybody hold their stomach and like Derek Lewis got kicked in the stomach. 0.99

00:51:33.000 It's very funny because he said he had to shit. 0.99

00:51:34.000 But he got kicked and he actually turned and ran. 1.00

00:51:37.000 I've never seen anybody actually display like, fuck, I don't want to get hit there again. 0.99

00:51:41.000 Yeah, I've seen it. 0.99

00:51:43.000 Yeah, I've seen it.

00:51:43.000 Matt Brown's done it a couple of times.

00:51:45.000 It was also Drago Pete Sell fought Nate Quarry.

00:51:55.000 Is that who it was?

00:51:56.000 I think it was.

00:51:58.000 No, Scott Smith.

00:52:00.000 Yeah, Scott Hands of Steel Smith.

00:52:04.000 Drago hurt him to the body, and he moved in for the kill, and Scott knocked him out with one punch.

00:52:10.000 He came rushing in because Scott grabbed his body, and then as Drago was moving in, Scott knocked him out with one punch, and then literally fell to the ground himself in agony, holding his side.

00:52:21.000 It's like one of those Rich Franklin Liddell things.

00:52:24.000 Literally, if the round just ended, I think he broke his arm and he would have won the fight. 0.99

00:52:27.000 You've got to look back on that and go, why didn't I just avoid that fucking... 0.98

00:52:30.000 I was doing so good. 0.99

00:52:31.000 Well, Chuck just had that crazy style.

00:52:33.000 His style was always kamikaze. 0.99

00:52:35.000 It was kill or be killed. 0.97

00:52:37.000 Just such a banana style.

00:52:39.000 So fun to watch, but man, you would never teach a fighter that.

00:52:42.000 You would never teach a guy to fight like that.

00:52:45.000 You would teach a guy to fight Mighty Mouse style.

00:52:46.000 You would never say, hey, fight like Chuck Liddell. 0.93

00:52:49.000 I'd rather watch Chuck fight, even though, you know, you watch Mighty Mouse, like, the guy is just perfect, you know, but I just, you know, I just like watching somebody throw giant fists and fucking knock people out, because that's what I want to be.

00:52:59.000 Like, if I could be a guy, in life, it's probably better off to be Mighty Mouse.

00:53:03.000 He's probably a more responsible fellow.

00:53:05.000 Right.

00:53:05.000 Probably a more polite fellow.

00:53:07.000 But, you know, who do I want to be?

00:53:09.000 I'd rather be Liddell.

00:53:10.000 Right. 1.00

00:53:10.000 Just a guy that walks in, he's looking to fuck somebody or knock somebody out. 1.00

00:53:13.000 That's just a fun guy. 1.00

00:53:14.000 Tattoos on his head, mohawk. 1.00

00:53:15.000 Fucking animal. 1.00

00:53:16.000 Crazed look in his eye. 1.00

00:53:18.000 Yeah.

00:53:19.000 You look at him and you know what he does for a living.

00:53:21.000 Mighty Mouse might be an accountant.

00:53:22.000 You don't know what he does for a living.

00:53:23.000 But Chuck, you're like, he absolutely has to do this for a living.

00:53:26.000 Yeah, it's in the neighborhood.

00:53:27.000 He's a scary dude.

00:53:29.000 He is.

00:53:29.000 But there's a lot of those.

00:53:31.000 He came to the improv.

00:53:32.000 I didn't even know him that well years ago.

00:53:34.000 Dana brought him into the improv and he's heckling me.

00:53:35.000 I was on stage being here. 0.99

00:53:38.000 How do you fucking handle this? 0.99

00:53:41.000 What did you say? 0.99

00:53:42.000 I played with him a little bit because we knew each other casually, but I was like, what are you doing?

00:53:45.000 Liddell is heckling you.

00:53:47.000 Because you never know how somebody is really going to take, you know, when they're drinking a little.

00:53:53.000 Some people have a bad reaction.

00:53:55.000 Yeah, you don't want a bad reaction.

00:53:56.000 No.

00:53:57.000 But afterwards we were chatting.

00:53:59.000 He's such an alpha guy.

00:54:01.000 He doesn't even mean to do it.

00:54:02.000 I was talking to him in the hallway.

00:54:04.000 His arms are wide.

00:54:06.000 He's like... 0.99

00:54:07.000 He fucking leans in. 0.99

00:54:09.000 But he's being lovely. 1.00

00:54:10.000 But people walking by are like, what the fuck is happening? 1.00

00:54:14.000 Because it looks like he's putting you down and telling you to put you in your fucking place. 1.00

00:54:18.000 But he's not. 0.99

00:54:19.000 He's just having a fun chat, leaning in with his giant arm.

00:54:22.000 It's a really fun thing to watch.

00:54:23.000 I could see people looking...

00:54:25.000 They're scared.

00:54:26.000 They just thought something unpleasant was happening, and I'm like, no.

00:54:28.000 I'm just smiling bigger so they know I'm okay.

00:54:31.000 It's like when you see a big dog in the room, people just go, oh, Jesus.

00:54:34.000 Is that a friendly dog?

00:54:36.000 Yeah.

00:54:36.000 Whose dog is that?

00:54:37.000 I want to take it, man.

00:54:38.000 I listen to so many guys that do jujitsu, and I want to do it so badly.

00:54:41.000 Why'd you do it?

00:54:42.000 Because my cardio is so bad.

00:54:43.000 Matt took me down to Henzo's, and I loved it.

00:54:46.000 I walked in, I just liked the atmosphere.

00:54:49.000 But I'm too tired. 0.99

00:54:50.000 I know it sounds like such a pussy thing, but I have apnea and I don't sleep and I'm fucking exhausted all the time. 0.99

00:54:56.000 Yeah, but you just start doing it and you'll get better. 0.99

00:54:58.000 Yeah, maybe I will.

00:55:00.000 You're on a certain level in the beginning and everybody's level is different.

00:55:04.000 If you came in, you were like a world-class gymnast and you were really good at wrestling in high school, you'd be at a higher level when you started.

00:55:11.000 But everybody starts somewhere, you know, and you just keep getting better.

00:55:15.000 I mean, Bourdain started at 58. I actually, you know, it's funny.

00:55:18.000 I asked him, because I know he started, like, late.

00:55:21.000 And I'm like, do you like it? 0.95

00:55:21.000 He's like, I fucking love it. 0.95

00:55:22.000 Like, he's addicted to it. 0.97

00:55:23.000 So it makes me kind of want to...

00:55:24.000 He's a weird guy, man.

00:55:27.000 I never would have thought that.

00:55:28.000 The heroin addiction?

00:55:29.000 Well, the heroin addiction, I think, is indicative of the same thing that's leading him to jiu-jitsu addiction. 0.98

00:55:35.000 I think he's just a crazy, impulsive guy. 0.92

00:55:38.000 And not in a bad way. 0.98

00:55:40.000 It's not insulting in any way.

00:55:41.000 Because that crazy, impulsive thing, it also doubles up as passion.

00:55:46.000 You know, like the way the guy loves food, the way the guy loves culture, the way the guy loves music, the way the guy loves anything. 0.88

00:55:53.000 Man, when he and I, we did this episode of his show, A few months ago when we went pheasant hunting and we talked jiu-jitsu, like he fucking loves it so much.

00:56:02.000 We were down in the dirt, like on the ground in Montana, and we're going over positions.

00:56:08.000 Like I was explaining certain parts of this, like a lot of times when guys are going for the darts, you get stalled up here, but here's another option. 0.98

00:56:14.000 We were going over stuff and like he was fucking soaking it in, man. 0.92

00:56:18.000 You know, there's guys that like kind of like jiu-jitsu and then there's guys that I start talking to and I'm like, oh, this guy's balls deep. 0.99

00:56:25.000 He's all in.

00:56:26.000 Well, that's another reason I want to take it.

00:56:28.000 A, it's for self-defense reasons and because I talk about it.

00:56:31.000 I want to experience it.

00:56:33.000 And there's also so many great people I know that I could ask questions to.

00:56:36.000 Oh, yeah.

00:56:37.000 It's almost like when you know all these people who are great at it.

00:56:40.000 Well, Matt Serra, you know, people don't give that guy the respect he deserves.

00:56:43.000 I don't think people remember.

00:56:44.000 But at one point in time, Matt was one of the best Brazilian jiu-jitsu competitors in the world.

00:56:50.000 Yeah.

00:56:50.000 He beat Jean-Jacques Machado by decision.

00:56:53.000 I mean, it was by decision, but he beat Jean-Jacques when Jean-Jacques was in his prime.

00:56:56.000 When Jean-Jacques had won Abu Dhabi, and Jean-Jacques is submitting everybody.

00:57:00.000 Submitted Sakurai, submitted some of the best guys in the world. 0.99

00:57:04.000 You know, Matt Serra was a fucking beast, man. 0.95

00:57:07.000 He was one of Henzo's first black belts in America. 1.00

00:57:09.000 Was he?

00:57:10.000 Yeah.

00:57:10.000 I mean, he was super respected as a jiu-jitsu competitor before he ever got into the UFC. And, you know, the problem, Matt, in some ways, is kind of cursed.

00:57:21.000 With the fact that he has heavy hands.

00:57:22.000 He hits really hard.

00:57:24.000 So Matt wind up, you know, knocking a lot of guys out, like knocked out GSP, knocked out Frank Trigg.

00:57:29.000 But Matt's jiu-jitsu was better than like 99% of the people that have ever competed in MMA. He loves it so much.

00:57:36.000 It's fun when you talk to him and he talks about he has to roll.

00:57:39.000 He loves it so much it makes you want to do it.

00:57:42.000 Well, for him, it's fun.

00:57:43.000 He's strangling people every day.

00:57:45.000 Yeah, that would be fun.

00:57:46.000 He's not the nail. 1.00

00:57:46.000 He's the fucking hammer. 1.00

00:57:47.000 I would probably be in a much different position. 1.00

00:57:49.000 I would probably have a much different feeling about him.

00:57:51.000 He definitely would at first.

00:57:54.000 But it's just one of those things where the moment you get your first tap out, you'll be so addicted.

00:57:58.000 Really?

00:57:58.000 It's so fun.

00:57:59.000 Yeah. 0.90

00:58:00.000 But do you immediately start, and I'm such a fucking complaining, but I have tendinitis, and I couldn't work out for a year. 0.90

00:58:06.000 I could only do legs and cardio. 0.97

00:58:08.000 So I have this terrible...

00:58:09.000 What's wrong with your...

00:58:10.000 I had tendinitis, and it was like literally, I think from doing pull-ups, or doing the kettlebells wrong.

00:58:16.000 And I just, I literally, my arm was in such pain, I couldn't do anything with my arms for a year.

00:58:20.000 That was when I lost all that weight. 0.98

00:58:22.000 I was fucked up. 0.99

00:58:23.000 I was like, I'm never going to get fat again. 0.99

00:58:24.000 And I went on this Whole30 diet, and I stuck to it for like eight months.

00:58:28.000 What's a Whole30 diet?

00:58:29.000 It was pretty good.

00:58:30.000 You don't feel like you're eating unhealthy.

00:58:32.000 A lot of egg whites and common sense with carbs.

00:58:35.000 You could eat a baked potato and some fruit.

00:58:37.000 They didn't say, don't eat this.

00:58:39.000 It was just very strict. 1.00

00:58:40.000 Certain nuts, no beans on this shit. 0.99

00:58:42.000 And I dropped a ton of weight and I was doing all cardio. 0.99

00:58:46.000 I'm just afraid of reinjuring my arm and not being able to work out.

00:58:48.000 Yeah, you can't think like that.

00:58:49.000 If your arm's not hurt, your arm's not hurt.

00:58:51.000 One of the things that happens when you get injured, you start thinking of your body as like a race car.

00:58:54.000 Like you blow a tire.

00:58:55.000 You're like, oh, got to get that tire fixed.

00:58:58.000 I've had quite a few surgeries and a bunch of injuries that I didn't have to get surgery on.

00:59:04.000 I just had to let them heal up.

00:59:07.000 It's so fun that you have a different way of looking at your body.

00:59:10.000 You start thinking of your body as a utensil or a tool instead of just as your body. 0.98

00:59:16.000 I mean, you think of it as your body as well, but if I break something or hurt something, I go, ah, fuck, I've got to fix this thing.

00:59:22.000 I don't think of it as like, oh my god, I can't do this again, because if I get more tendonitis on this elbow, then my elbow will always be in pain.

00:59:30.000 I don't think like that.

00:59:31.000 I think, how do I fix this thing?

00:59:33.000 Where do I gotta go?

00:59:34.000 Who's the doctor?

00:59:35.000 Luckily, I work for the UFC, so I'll talk to Dr. Davidson, and I'll say, hey man, what can we do about this?

00:59:40.000 Like, what do you recommend?

00:59:42.000 And he'll say, well, he's on the cutting edge.

00:59:46.000 Excuse me.

00:59:47.000 He's actually part of this team that has started injecting stem cells into discs, which is this radical new procedure where they've been using stem cells to regenerate tissue for a long time.

00:59:59.000 And stem cells work amazing, by the way, on tendonitis.

01:00:02.000 Really? 1.00

01:00:02.000 Fuck yeah. 1.00

01:00:03.000 It heals it up. 1.00

01:00:04.000 It's incredible.

01:00:05.000 I did cortisone, which I know is not recommended.

01:00:07.000 I only did it once.

01:00:08.000 And someone told me, just do it once and you're okay, but don't keep doing it.

01:00:11.000 I did it once and it actually really helped and I didn't do anything and it actually fixed me a little bit.

01:00:15.000 Well, that's good.

01:00:16.000 Well, it certainly will help take away some of the pain, but it's dangerous because it masks that pain, and a lot of times guys, like, they injure themselves badly because they don't feel that pain.

01:00:25.000 Like, Bas Rutten. 0.94

01:00:26.000 Bas Rutten chewed his fucking knees to pieces because he got cortisone shots in him when they were already damaged. 0.99

01:00:31.000 Right. 1.00

01:00:31.000 He just pushed through it like an animal. 1.00

01:00:33.000 You know, but my point is like what they're able to do now is they can shoot these stem cells They take fetal stem cells they get from a woman's placenta after she gives birth She they take like a woman who gives birth by cesarean section.

01:00:47.000 They take out the placenta They extract stem cells from this placenta and then inject them directly into injuries.

01:00:53.000 You fucking heal It's it regenerates tissue regenerates meniscus regenerates all these different types of tissue can basically form anything that's injured Soft tissue, muscle, any tendons, anything that's injured, it can regenerate. 0.90

01:01:06.000 But they're now doing it on discs. 0.99

01:01:08.000 Which is crazy because when you have disc degeneration, what happens is your body through poor posture, exercise, abuse, trauma, whatever, your discs get compressed.

01:01:18.000 They wind up pushing on your nerves and they usually do what's called a disectomy.

01:01:23.000 They come in, they cut a piece of the disc away.

01:01:25.000 Usually it gets worse, and some people either have to get that disc removed, and then they either get it replaced with an artificial one, like Eddie Bravo got it replaced with an artificial one, or they will actually fuse the bone together, which is very problematic.

01:01:38.000 It puts stress on the upper and the lower portion of the disc.

01:01:42.000 Now what they're going to do is start injecting stem cells directly into the disc, and the disc will regenerate and pump up.

01:01:49.000 So you'll be able to...

01:01:51.000 In theory, at least, get your discs back to where they were when you were 18. So a little injection of stem cells into this right arm?

01:01:58.000 Fuck yeah. 0.99

01:01:59.000 But it's not hurting you now, right? 1.00

01:02:00.000 No, but I notice it when I do certain things.

01:02:03.000 It's almost like I feel it going, hey, hey, hey.

01:02:06.000 It's just the beginning of it, and I know where it goes.

01:02:08.000 I would say lift weights.

01:02:10.000 I do, but not a lot.

01:02:11.000 Yeah, but I mean, you don't have to do a lot, but just lift weights and progressively build it up and listen to it.

01:02:17.000 If you feel pain, put some ice on it.

01:02:20.000 But weight lifting, it seems counterintuitive, but one of the things that a lot of people have found is that even Olympic lifting, like Heavy power lifting, cleans and squats and deadlifts and things along those lines, actually helps joint pain because it strengthens up all that tissue and strengthens up all the stabilizing muscles,

01:02:40.000 strengthens up all the ligaments and tendons.

01:02:42.000 Yeah, I do lift, and it's not a lot, but I can't do much.

01:02:45.000 I get too tuckered out.

01:02:46.000 You can tuck her down. 1.00

01:02:47.000 My trainer wants to fucking spit on me. 0.99

01:02:49.000 I'm always like, I'm tired. 0.99

01:02:50.000 I'll walk in and let her know what kind of shape I'm in.

01:02:52.000 I'm really honest about it.

01:02:53.000 If I feel okay, but if I'm having my days where I'm feeling stoned...

01:02:57.000 You just gotta deal with it.

01:02:58.000 Yeah, I do.

01:02:58.000 You gotta push through.

01:02:59.000 Yeah, I do. 0.99

01:03:00.000 You and I actually do a show where I take you to the fucking gym every day and we just get crazy. 0.98

01:03:04.000 I would like to. 0.99

01:03:05.000 I pump you up with caffeine.

01:03:06.000 I would try that.

01:03:07.000 Yeah.

01:03:08.000 You're one of these caveman coffees. 1.00

01:03:10.000 These fuckers have 270 milligrams of caffeine. 1.00

01:03:12.000 I'll give you two of these, bitches. 1.00

01:03:14.000 And then some Alpha Brain and some Shroom Tech Sport. 1.00

01:03:18.000 And just going there like a goddamn wild man. 0.99

01:03:21.000 Dress me in some hot pink satin shorts and let me lose them. 0.99

01:03:24.000 Scrunchy socks like from...

01:03:25.000 What was that movie? 0.99

01:03:28.000 She's a maniac. 1.00

01:03:29.000 Oh, that's not... 1.00

01:03:31.000 Flashdance.

01:03:33.000 I was going to say Fast Dance.

01:03:35.000 Yeah.

01:03:35.000 Flash dance.

01:03:36.000 I always hated that part of the song that goes...

01:03:37.000 Remember that part?

01:03:39.000 Then it goes... 0.99

01:03:40.000 I fucking hated that song. 0.99

01:03:41.000 That part bothers you? 0.99

01:03:42.000 Yeah, I hated it.

01:03:43.000 I don't know why.

01:03:43.000 There's certain things, like certain songs where they clap in it.

01:03:48.000 Like I'm a big Bette Davis eyes guy.

01:03:50.000 I like that song.

01:03:54.000 She's got Bette Davis eyes. 1.00

01:03:56.000 But I hate when they go... 1.00

01:03:59.000 That was so 80s, the fucking, the hand claps in songs drove me crazy. 0.99

01:04:03.000 I hated that, yeah. 0.99

01:04:04.000 It is funny how songs, like, you can tell they're from a time.

01:04:08.000 You know, like, there's a sound to them.

01:04:11.000 They go, oh yeah, that's from that time.

01:04:13.000 Especially like the 60s.

01:04:15.000 Yeah, I was thinking the 60s.

01:04:16.000 Whatever the weird sound, whether it's what Phil Spector started, or these other things.

01:04:22.000 I've been listening to Del Shannon's Runaway a lot, and there's just this sound in there.

01:04:29.000 Everyone who that song meant something to as a teenager is old or dead.

01:04:33.000 Those songs give me weird feelings, man.

01:04:35.000 I listen to the 60s or the 50s, And I feel like creepily voyeuristic and frightened.

01:04:41.000 I really get weird listening to those old songs because the connection they had, they are in history.

01:04:48.000 It's gone.

01:04:48.000 It's dead.

01:04:49.000 Yeah.

01:04:49.000 It really freaks me out.

01:04:50.000 Well, it's also one of the first times.

01:04:52.000 I mean, if you really go back to it, I get creeped out when I listen to early 1900s music, too.

01:04:58.000 Oh, yeah.

01:04:58.000 Because that's the original music that was recorded, essentially.

01:05:02.000 We talked about this once before.

01:05:04.000 When was the first record?

01:05:06.000 I feel like it was the late...

01:05:07.000 No, it was like the 1700s, the first time they came up with one of those big tubes with the needle on it, and that was where the sound came from, was that giant tuba-looking thing.

01:05:19.000 Yes, now people in Brooklyn are buying them because they think it makes them look really cool.

01:05:23.000 Williamsburg.

01:05:24.000 They're getting those things and listening to old vinyl on it. 1.00

01:05:27.000 It sounds like shit. 0.99

01:05:27.000 Enough with vinyl. 0.99

01:05:29.000 What is it?

01:05:29.000 It was 1870s.

01:05:30.000 It started with that cylinder thing, then the records first.

01:05:33.000 Oh, that's right.

01:05:33.000 Cylinder first, then records.

01:05:34.000 Yeah, the cylinder.

01:05:35.000 That's right.

01:05:36.000 Yeah.

01:05:37.000 Yeah, it's just crazy that...

01:05:39.000 When you think about human history, that people recorded music, they could only write things down until a little bit more than 150 years ago, or 150 years ago, whatever it was.

01:05:50.000 It is weird when you're listening to an iPhone and you want to hear something, and you just download it while you're walking to a club.

01:05:57.000 Instantly.

01:05:58.000 And the idea that people couldn't record it at one time, like you literally had to just say, remember that song?

01:06:02.000 No.

01:06:02.000 And then tell somebody how to play it, and they had to hear it, and then they had to play it the way you play it.

01:06:07.000 Like, that's how it got passed down.

01:06:09.000 The worst is when you tell someone, like, hey, you know that song?

01:06:13.000 And then you go, ah, it's like this, like... 0.99

01:06:15.000 I don't know what the fuck you're telling me. 0.99

01:06:21.000 And then you play the song, and they go, oh, that song? 1.00

01:06:24.000 Yeah.

01:06:25.000 Oh my god, you didn't sound anything like that song.

01:06:28.000 I was trying my best.

01:06:29.000 Yeah, that was a completely unfamiliar sound you were making.

01:06:33.000 I'd love to change the world.

01:06:35.000 I don't know that one.

01:06:36.000 But I don't know what to do.

01:06:39.000 I bet you would if you heard it.

01:06:40.000 I probably would.

01:06:41.000 I like really weird, sappy music sometimes.

01:06:44.000 I'm a weird, emotional wreck with stuff.

01:06:47.000 Are you? 0.99

01:06:48.000 Yeah, yeah, I cry at weird shit. 1.00

01:06:50.000 I cried at Logan. 1.00

01:06:52.000 You cried at Logan?

01:06:53.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:06:54.000 I like to cry at movies.

01:06:55.000 It makes me feel connected to things.

01:06:58.000 Like Jungle Fever.

01:07:02.000 Frank Vincent, I just wanted to hug him.

01:07:04.000 I get it.

01:07:04.000 It makes me feel like I'm not disconnected from human interactions.

01:07:09.000 Do you feel sometimes like you are?

01:07:11.000 Yeah, a little bit, but not to a point where I think I'm unique, but just sometimes a little bit.

01:07:16.000 It's always one tick off.

01:07:18.000 Like, I would argue with a woman in a relationship, and I could say barbaric things, because I felt like I was arguing through a window. 0.83

01:07:24.000 Like, it was not real life.

01:07:25.000 It was a movie.

01:07:26.000 Like, it was a movie performance.

01:07:28.000 But then I watched, you know, a Sanka commercial.

01:07:30.000 Oh, he hugged the puppy, and I'm crying.

01:07:32.000 And it was like, it was like one click off from where you should be.

01:07:36.000 Wow.

01:07:37.000 And I can remember, Bill Burr, I've been thinking of a lot, because Bill told me that he doesn't...

01:07:42.000 Call names. 1.00

01:07:43.000 Like, he won't call his wife a bitch. 1.00

01:07:44.000 He just doesn't do it because he saw that growing up. 1.00

01:07:46.000 And he's like, as angry as Bill can be, he doesn't name call.

01:07:50.000 And I've been thinking about that a lot.

01:07:51.000 I've done that with every person I dated. 1.00

01:07:53.000 And it's so fucked up. 0.99

01:07:54.000 Name calls? 1.00

01:07:55.000 Yeah, it just happens. 1.00

01:07:56.000 They'll say, shut up here. 1.00

01:07:57.000 And I'll be like, you fucking... 1.00

01:07:58.000 But I'm like, I don't want to do that anymore. 0.99

01:08:00.000 It just kind of made me feel like, it's shitty. 0.95

01:08:02.000 Yeah, it's shitty. 1.00

01:08:03.000 It is shitty. 0.98

01:08:04.000 And it's too easy to do. 0.99

01:08:05.000 Especially, there's a real issue when you do it because you know the person's going to take it.

01:08:10.000 You know what I mean? 0.99

01:08:11.000 Like, it's one thing if you're like, look, you're a cunt and this is done. 1.00

01:08:14.000 I can't do this anymore. 1.00

01:08:15.000 You fucking, you lit my house on fire, you fucked my brother. 1.00

01:08:17.000 It's over! 1.00

01:08:17.000 Absolutely. 1.00

01:08:18.000 After I jerk off to the memories, I'm outta here.

01:08:22.000 But there's one thing if you say something to someone knowing that you're gonna make up.

01:08:28.000 Like, knowing that you can get away with it.

01:08:29.000 You know, and I think a lot of people do that in relationships.

01:08:31.000 They get real mean and nasty to each other because they know the person's trapped.

01:08:34.000 Especially if you're married and you have kids.

01:08:36.000 Right, right, right.

01:08:36.000 That can get real squirrely.

01:08:38.000 I've seen that happen with people, and you're like, ooh, man, you've got to not do that to each other. 0.99

01:08:43.000 It makes me not want to get married because I've talked to so many guys who don't get their dick sucked anymore, or they don't get this or that. 0.99

01:08:49.000 I'm like, not that it's got to be a fuckfest. 1.00

01:08:50.000 If you're married, I get it. 0.99

01:08:52.000 You're a kid, things die off.

01:08:53.000 But that's my fear, is I marry somebody.

01:08:56.000 It's a real fear.

01:08:57.000 Yeah, all these things, all of a sudden, I know I'm going to cheat.

01:08:59.000 I'm not going to be good.

01:09:01.000 Well, it's... 1.00

01:09:03.000 The idea of marriage, and this is coming from a happily married guy, it's fucking stupid. 1.00

01:09:08.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:09:08.000 And this is why. 1.00

01:09:09.000 Because it's a contract.

01:09:12.000 People change on a day-to-day basis.

01:09:14.000 They change throughout the day.

01:09:16.000 They change based on the song they hear.

01:09:19.000 They change based on the conversation they have with their girlfriend.

01:09:22.000 They change based on a book they read. 0.98

01:09:24.000 People fucking change, and you're in this constant stage of growing and developing. 0.98

01:09:29.000 And when you commit to someone, like you say, like, this is my girlfriend, this is my husband, this is my wife, this is my companion. 0.99

01:09:35.000 When you do that, There's one thing to do it and to really be all in and really enjoy that person's company and want to be with them a lot.

01:09:43.000 It's another thing to involve the government.

01:09:46.000 Yeah.

01:09:46.000 To get legal paperwork signed and all that kind of...

01:09:49.000 I was willing to do it simply because...

01:09:51.000 Well, first of all, because my wife's awesome and I love her and she's a great person, but also because I have children.

01:09:57.000 And I was like, well, having children is a way bigger commitment than anything else that's legal.

01:10:02.000 Right. 0.83

01:10:02.000 Because now there's a human life that depends on you, and all my phobias about government interaction and laws and legal paperwork, and this is coming from a guy who has several close friends whose lives have been fucking ruined by divorce. 0.83

01:10:16.000 Ruined!

01:10:17.000 Where they've had to pay exorbitant amounts of money.

01:10:20.000 It wrecks their life.

01:10:21.000 It caused them stress.

01:10:21.000 They've aged 10 years in a year.

01:10:23.000 I've seen guys like that.

01:10:24.000 I've seen a bunch of guys like that who've been devastated by divorce. 0.99

01:10:27.000 And then devastated by the fucking wife hiring the most evil, vicious lawyers to attack them and go after them and try to squeeze as much money out as possible and drag it into the dirt. 1.00

01:10:39.000 Especially when a man and woman are married and the man makes all the money, the man has to pay for the woman's lawyer. 1.00

01:10:45.000 And that's where things get fucking spectacularly ridiculous. 0.88

01:10:49.000 Yeah, because there's no cost to her to do anything. 0.98

01:10:51.000 She can file a motion after motion knowing this dummy is paying for it. 1.00

01:10:54.000 Not only that, she's draining the money. 1.00

01:10:56.000 She's draining his money. 1.00

01:10:57.000 And I had a very good friend of mine deal with this.

01:11:00.000 He went through, it was more than a year and a half of deliberate, where he lost hundreds of thousands of dollars in legal fees.

01:11:07.000 And the whole time his wife was doing it on purpose. 1.00

01:11:09.000 They would come to an agreement and then she would change the agreement. 1.00

01:11:11.000 She would be like, I don't give a fuck, I want more. 1.00

01:11:13.000 And he would be like, but we had an agreement. 1.00

01:11:14.000 She's like, fuck you. 1.00

01:11:16.000 Fuck you, pay me. 1.00

01:11:17.000 And then she would hang up the phone, and then the lawyer would contact, these are the new stipulations, and he would get ready to agree to those, and then she would drag that out for a couple months, and then ramp it up again. 1.00

01:11:25.000 And she was being completely unreasonable.

01:11:27.000 And in a way, she's still in a relationship, too.

01:11:29.000 That's a weird relationship.

01:11:30.000 Even when it's a hateful relationship, it's still some kind of a connection.

01:11:34.000 Yeah.

01:11:34.000 It's crazy what people do in divorce.

01:11:36.000 It is crazy.

01:11:36.000 I'm going to piss my pants.

01:11:38.000 Go piss. 0.99

01:11:39.000 You know what I mean.

01:11:39.000 I can never make it through a whole podcast.

01:11:40.000 Don't worry about it, buddy.

01:11:41.000 Don't worry about it.

01:11:42.000 I'm glad you did.

01:11:43.000 I was getting too ramped up about divorce talk.

01:11:47.000 He's crazy to think he's going to get married. 0.76

01:11:49.000 When you talk to someone who's a, and I say this with all due respect, a hardcore pervert like Jim Norton, the idea is he's going to settle down. 0.89

01:11:56.000 But you know what it is, man?

01:11:58.000 When you don't have it, it seems so attractive to you.

01:12:01.000 You know?

01:12:02.000 Like if you're a guy who's got a regular...

01:12:06.000 9 to 5 job.

01:12:07.000 You get up in the morning.

01:12:08.000 You get your newspaper.

01:12:09.000 You let the dog out.

01:12:10.000 You say hi to your kids.

01:12:11.000 You eat your breakfast.

01:12:12.000 You drink your coffee.

01:12:13.000 You go to work the same way every day.

01:12:14.000 And then you hear about Ari Shafir disappearing and throwing his phone into the garbage and just traveling to the middle of the... 1.00

01:12:20.000 God knows where the fuck he is. 0.99

01:12:23.000 We think he's in Vietnam. 1.00

01:12:24.000 That's what we've heard. 0.99

01:12:25.000 But he could have left Vietnam Tuesday and gone to fucking Malaysia now. 0.99

01:12:29.000 Who knows where he is? 0.99

01:12:30.000 He might be in Bali. 0.99

01:12:31.000 He might be doing some fucking... 0.99

01:12:35.000 Psychedelic ritual with some monks on the top of a temple right now. 1.00

01:12:37.000 Who knows?

01:12:38.000 You've gone for like three months now, right?

01:12:40.000 Yeah.

01:12:40.000 That's insane.

01:12:41.000 It's great.

01:12:42.000 It's awesome.

01:12:42.000 But I don't want to do it.

01:12:44.000 I mean, but to someone who looks at life, like if I was miserable and I looked at his life, I'd be like, God damn, that's what I want to do. 0.96

01:12:51.000 That's what I want to do. 0.73

01:12:52.000 So I think when people just aren't completely comfortable with their life.

01:12:56.000 Jim's problem, one of Jim's problems is he's very smart.

01:13:00.000 He's thinking.

01:13:01.000 He's constantly thinking.

01:13:02.000 So he's constantly obsessing about things.

01:13:04.000 So you see him going over all these variables.

01:13:06.000 That's one of the reasons why he'll cry at movies.

01:13:09.000 It's also one of the reasons why he'll go over various aspects of himself.

01:13:14.000 We're talking about how smart you are.

01:13:17.000 And that it's a problem.

01:13:18.000 How to pee?

01:13:19.000 I'll be lucky.

01:13:20.000 I'll have to go again.

01:13:21.000 My bladder's weird.

01:13:22.000 Like, I wind up...

01:13:24.000 Well, it's already 3 o'clock, so you made it an hour and a half in.

01:13:27.000 We're an hour and a half in?

01:13:28.000 Yeah.

01:13:28.000 Oh my God, dude.

01:13:29.000 Oh my God.

01:13:30.000 I pee so much that when you hold it for a little while, then your body doesn't release at all. 0.99

01:13:37.000 My bladder's a fucking nightmare. 0.99

01:13:39.000 But my apnea's so bad, I wake up and have to piss a lot. 1.00

01:13:41.000 But I think that someone told me that's your body waking you up so you don't suffocate.

01:13:44.000 Like when you're not breathing, your body's going, breathe, breathe, and you don't, and your body will send a signal, piss, and that gets you up and you go to the bathroom.

01:13:50.000 Yeah.

01:13:50.000 I've heard that.

01:13:51.000 I don't know how true it is, but I couldn't be pissing that much.

01:13:54.000 Well, if you drink a lot of water, you would be.

01:13:56.000 I piss sometimes in the middle of the night.

01:13:57.000 I try not to drink at night, but I get thirsty.

01:14:00.000 Yeah, me too.

01:14:00.000 And when I get thirsty, I'm like, I'd rather have a drink of water now and get up in the middle of the night to pee.

01:14:06.000 I love a good beverage.

01:14:07.000 Yeah, why not?

01:14:08.000 I know, treat myself. 0.98

01:14:09.000 We're something like 70% water or some shit.

01:14:11.000 I know, but it's making my life almost to the point of being unmanageable. 0.98

01:14:14.000 I saw Logan with a girl, and I'm not kidding when I tell you I went to the bathroom 12 times.

01:14:19.000 It's embarrassing.

01:14:20.000 During the movie?

01:14:21.000 During the movie.

01:14:22.000 12?

01:14:22.000 Yeah, I have a couple coffees.

01:14:24.000 I've had sonograms on my fucking bladder. 1.00

01:14:26.000 Wait a minute, 12? 1.00

01:14:26.000 Yeah, maybe. 1.00

01:14:27.000 How long was the movie?

01:14:28.000 Two hours, two and a half hours.

01:14:31.000 That's insane.

01:14:32.000 It's crazy.

01:14:33.000 So you left every 10 minutes?

01:14:36.000 At one point, towards the end, I did, yeah.

01:14:39.000 If it's a two-hour movie, that means you left every 10 minutes.

01:14:43.000 Yeah, I mean, without exaggeration, yeah.

01:14:45.000 When I'm on a roll...

01:14:47.000 It's non-stop. 1.00

01:14:48.000 The girl must be like, what the fuck is this guy doing? 1.00

01:14:51.000 She knows me. 1.00

01:14:51.000 I told her, like, I pee a lot. 1.00

01:14:52.000 I always got to sit in the aisle.

01:14:54.000 I flew to LA. The first time I went to LA was with Patrice and I were on a TWA flight.

01:14:58.000 And I was in the window and he was in the aisle, you know, for maximum comfort.

01:15:05.000 I pissed so many times.

01:15:07.000 And this is 94, 95. And Patrice said to me, you got to get checked for diabetes.

01:15:12.000 I think you're diabetic.

01:15:13.000 And he was diabetic. 0.99

01:15:14.000 So he fucking freaked me out. 0.99

01:15:15.000 So I went and got checked. 0.98

01:15:16.000 I've been checked multiple times since then.

01:15:18.000 I'm not diabetic.

01:15:19.000 I've had my bladder sonogrammed, the size of it, and different checks.

01:15:24.000 And they said, no, it's a normal size.

01:15:25.000 You just pee a lot.

01:15:26.000 You got a lot of thinking going on, Jim Norton.

01:15:29.000 I do.

01:15:29.000 Too much, right?

01:15:30.000 It's too much.

01:15:31.000 That's one of the things we were talking about.

01:15:32.000 You think a lot.

01:15:33.000 I mean, it's because you're smart.

01:15:35.000 Because you're taking in variables.

01:15:38.000 There's a lot of variables involved.

01:15:39.000 I always used to tell that to people that were...

01:15:43.000 My students back when I was teaching Taekwondo, and they would go to fight in tournaments, and they'd be really nervous.

01:15:47.000 And I would explain that the smarter you are, the more nervous you're going to be.

01:15:51.000 And that's just part of reality, because you're aware of the variables. 1.00

01:15:55.000 The stupid people are not going to be aware of all the possibilities. 1.00

01:15:58.000 In their eyes, in their mind, everything's going to go great. 1.00

01:16:01.000 And that might be good if it goes great, but it might be terrible if it goes wrong, because then the reality gets shattered.

01:16:07.000 Because they can't handle the fact that...

01:16:09.000 What happened?

01:16:09.000 I didn't see this coming.

01:16:10.000 Exactly. 1.00

01:16:11.000 Because I'm always prepared for the fucking Florida fallout. 0.99

01:16:13.000 Yeah, exactly. 0.99

01:16:15.000 But you might be prepared too much.

01:16:17.000 You might be thinking too much about all the different variables.

01:16:20.000 You're probably right.

01:16:20.000 It seems like the whole worry about your arm when your arm's fine right now.

01:16:25.000 Yeah, it is.

01:16:26.000 Right now it's good.

01:16:26.000 But then, like, last week I was there, or two weeks ago.

01:16:29.000 I was doing these curls, and I started to feel...

01:16:32.000 Why are you doing curls?

01:16:32.000 Who's got you doing curls?

01:16:33.000 My trainer, I think I asked her I wanted to do them.

01:16:35.000 Are they not good?

01:16:36.000 No.

01:16:36.000 I don't believe in isolation exercises.

01:16:38.000 There's very little times in life where you're standing there doing this, just lifting things up with one arm.

01:16:43.000 Well, there's a lot of time in life I'm doing that.

01:16:46.000 A lot of times that leads to imbalances.

01:16:49.000 I feel like, and as I got older, I really believe this more and more, and the more really good trainers that I talk to, the more they sort of harp on this exact same thing is that you should treat the body like a unit, like it's one large unit.

01:17:02.000 And so if you're going to do something, it should involve, for the most part, with a few exceptions, it's not terrible to do some isolation exercises, But I think for the most part, it should involve most of your body or large muscle groups like a squat or a deadlift is one of the best because a deadlift involves your arms,

01:17:19.000 your back, your shoulders, your legs, your calves.

01:17:22.000 I mean, there's so much involved in a deadlift.

01:17:24.000 It's one of the reasons why it's such a great exercise.

01:17:27.000 For overall physical strength.

01:17:29.000 And I think for arms, like chin-ups and rows and things along those lines, when you're doing that, like you're involving so much of your body, like one-armed rows, it's your back, it's your core, it's your arms, it's your shoulders.

01:17:42.000 There's a lot going on there, whereas a curl is kind of just your bicep and your forearm.

01:17:46.000 You know, it's like really mostly what's going on there.

01:17:49.000 Yeah, I do a lot of those, too.

01:17:50.000 Those things where you're pulling the thing or you're throwing a punch this way or whatever.

01:17:53.000 It's really like aerobicizing.

01:17:54.000 It's not a very particular exercise I'm proud of, but I do do it.

01:17:57.000 When they have you lifting weights, are you lifting weights for high repetitions or low repetitions?

01:18:03.000 It depends on how tired I am, really.

01:18:06.000 It really depends on what I feel.

01:18:08.000 If I tell her, sometimes I say I just want to do...

01:18:11.000 Minor things today.

01:18:12.000 I'm so exhausted. 0.81

01:18:13.000 I know it sounds like I'm being a bitch, but I know how I feel, and I feel like I'm gonna pass out. 0.88

01:18:19.000 It's like a fog. 0.82

01:18:21.000 It doesn't raise up when you start working out?

01:18:23.000 A little bit it does, but it's literally like there's a thickness to it.

01:18:30.000 It's like looking through things.

01:18:32.000 I know what you're talking about.

01:18:33.000 I had sleep...

01:18:34.000 Well, I have sleep apnea now, but now I wear a mouthpiece.

01:18:36.000 It's amazing.

01:18:37.000 It helps you, right?

01:18:38.000 Oh, yeah.

01:18:38.000 The mouthpiece is incredible.

01:18:39.000 But yours...

01:18:40.000 You got the one that goes over your tongue.

01:18:42.000 I want to get one like that because I have one that pushes my jaw out, which helps.

01:18:45.000 Yeah. 0.96

01:18:46.000 But it doesn't fucking... 0.98

01:18:47.000 I got the central apnea, too, which is a brain signal. 0.99

01:18:49.000 See, your apnea is a completely different animal.

01:18:51.000 Your apnea is...

01:18:52.000 Your brain tells you to stop breathing.

01:18:55.000 Yeah.

01:18:55.000 That's a totally different thing.

01:18:57.000 I also have obstructive.

01:18:58.000 I have both.

01:18:59.000 You have both.

01:18:59.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:19:00.000 I have that one too.

01:19:01.000 Jesus Christ. 0.98

01:19:02.000 That stinks, dude. 0.99

01:19:04.000 The brain one, though, is the creepiest. 0.98

01:19:06.000 Because obstructive, all you need is a mouthpiece and it's good.

01:19:08.000 I have the obstructive.

01:19:09.000 My tongue's too big.

01:19:11.000 Yeah.

01:19:11.000 And so it covers my ear hole when I lie on my back and my neck's thick and it falls.

01:19:16.000 That's a lot of football players and weightlifters.

01:19:18.000 Reggie White died.

01:19:19.000 Yeah, they got a huge problem with that.

01:19:22.000 And guys like that also that take sleeping pills, that becomes a giant issue because then you don't wake up. 0.96

01:19:27.000 So you have this big ass neck, big old weightlifter neck, and you lie back, and your tongue literally chokes you to death. 0.98

01:19:33.000 Yeah, and they take probably the sleeping pills, I'm guessing, because you're so fucking tired of waking up every two minutes. 0.99

01:19:38.000 Exactly.

01:19:38.000 And they're always exhausted.

01:19:39.000 Like, I'm getting a good night's sleep.

01:19:41.000 I'll take a melatonin once in a while.

01:19:43.000 Melatonin's great.

01:19:44.000 We have on it, we have a spray.

01:19:45.000 It's really good.

01:19:46.000 Sublingual, like, under-tongue spray.

01:19:48.000 Really?

01:19:48.000 Yeah, I'll get you some.

01:19:49.000 Yeah, I would like to try that stuff because, you know, I want to sleep better, but I just can't fucking get myself.

01:19:54.000 I just don't know what they can do other than that mask, though, for that brain stuff.

01:19:59.000 Like, if it's your brain shutting off, you're breathing.

01:20:01.000 I don't get it.

01:20:02.000 I don't know what it is.

01:20:03.000 It just doesn't send the signal.

01:20:04.000 It's got to be a chemical thing.

01:20:05.000 I think your brain gets bored with too much peace. 1.00

01:20:08.000 I'm like, this motherfucker's sleeping too good. 1.00

01:20:10.000 Let's freak him out! 1.00

01:20:11.000 That's probably what it is.

01:20:13.000 Let's make this more interesting.

01:20:14.000 I do.

01:20:14.000 I wake up and I check my phone, which always keeps me awake.

01:20:17.000 I'll check my text messages or I'll check Tinder.

01:20:19.000 You do?

01:20:19.000 In the middle of the night?

01:20:20.000 At times I will, yeah.

01:20:21.000 Let's see what's happened.

01:20:22.000 No, you can't do that.

01:20:23.000 No, that's very bad.

01:20:24.000 Yeah, I don't do that.

01:20:25.000 I sleep better on my phones across the room.

01:20:26.000 Like, you put it across the room and it's like, ah, cool.

01:20:29.000 I shut my phone off before I start reading and then when I'm done reading, that phone stays off.

01:20:35.000 Oh, you don't check it before bed.

01:20:36.000 That's probably better. 1.00

01:20:37.000 Fuck that. 1.00

01:20:37.000 I don't check it before bed and the only thing I check in the morning is important shit. 1.00

01:20:41.000 If someone's text messaging me, it's important. 0.97

01:20:45.000 But I just do it less and less.

01:20:47.000 I mean, I think the phone is a tool, but it's also very, very, very addictive.

01:20:52.000 Yeah.

01:20:52.000 And being connected to social media and having...

01:20:56.000 It's usually one of my friends, dude, have you seen this? 0.98

01:20:58.000 And they'll send me a text message and I'll click on the link and I'm like, oh, fucking Christ, it's some crazy story or some dude who got killed by a bear or something nutty. 0.98

01:21:06.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:21:06.000 And then, you know, a half hour later, I'm still on the toilet bowl. 0.99

01:21:10.000 Now my legs are numb.

01:21:11.000 Yeah. 0.98

01:21:11.000 And I'm like, what the fuck am I doing with my life? 0.98

01:21:13.000 Like, I got tired of doing that. 0.98

01:21:15.000 And so now, I just look at my phone real quick.

01:21:18.000 Anything important?

01:21:18.000 No?

01:21:19.000 Good.

01:21:19.000 Leave it alone.

01:21:20.000 And then I'll go work out.

01:21:22.000 And I'll go get my day started.

01:21:23.000 Do you keep your phone with you when you work out?

01:21:25.000 Or do you leave it in the locker?

01:21:26.000 No, no.

01:21:26.000 Well, I work out a good percentage of the time.

01:21:29.000 If I'm not doing jujitsu, Jiu-jitsu is in my blocker or it's in my bag.

01:21:35.000 But if I'm at home lifting weights, like I lift weights in my house, I don't even touch it.

01:21:41.000 I just leave it alone.

01:21:42.000 Just put it away somewhere.

01:21:43.000 I'll do it in between sets. 1.00

01:21:44.000 I'll kind of look at it like for a second, but it's stupid. 1.00

01:21:46.000 Fuck that, man. 1.00

01:21:47.000 They're too goddamn addictive. 1.00

01:21:48.000 They're too addictive. 0.97

01:21:49.000 But here's the other problem.

01:21:51.000 People get mad at me because it'll be like 2 o'clock in the afternoon.

01:21:54.000 I haven't responded to their text yet because I've got 30 of them. 0.99

01:21:57.000 I look at my text, and it's just 30 fucking text messages. 0.95

01:22:00.000 I can't respond to them all. 0.98

01:22:01.000 I don't have...

01:22:02.000 Because that takes you a half an hour, literally.

01:22:04.000 Each one takes a minute.

01:22:05.000 You respond to each one.

01:22:06.000 You've got a half an hour down, just text messages.

01:22:09.000 And when you send someone something, like, here's one I don't respond to.

01:22:13.000 Hey, man, what's going on?

01:22:14.000 I don't...

01:22:14.000 That's...

01:22:15.000 Yeah.

01:22:16.000 Not doing that.

01:22:17.000 No, it's a worthless question.

01:22:19.000 Nope.

01:22:19.000 Can't do it.

01:22:20.000 It's a terrible question.

01:22:21.000 We can't do that.

01:22:22.000 What's going on?

01:22:23.000 Where?

01:22:23.000 Air.

01:22:24.000 Breathing. 0.99

01:22:25.000 Shitting. 0.99

01:22:25.000 Death. 0.99

01:22:26.000 ISIS. Syria. 0.92

01:22:28.000 Phone texting.

01:22:29.000 Bye. 1.00

01:22:30.000 Fuck off. 1.00

01:22:31.000 And you know, people just like, sometimes they just want to connect with you. 1.00

01:22:34.000 They just want to talk to you.

01:22:35.000 You know, maybe it's someone I don't talk to that often and they want to talk more. 0.99

01:22:38.000 They don't have shit to say. 0.97

01:22:40.000 You know, and then occasionally someone will say something funny, and you know, it's fun to get that. 0.99

01:22:44.000 There's pros and cons, but it has to be managed.

01:22:47.000 And if it's not managed, it'll get away from you.

01:22:49.000 I don't manage it very well.

01:22:50.000 I think that's the problem.

01:22:51.000 I spend too much time obsessing on it.

01:22:54.000 And on the computer, I discovered Chatterbait. 1.00

01:22:58.000 What's that?

01:22:59.000 What is that? 0.99

01:23:00.000 It's like a fucking good site, man. 0.99

01:23:03.000 They have... 1.00

01:23:04.000 You open it up, and there's all these windows of people being sexual.

01:23:09.000 You can join or you can almost watch for free as a lurker, but you just can't tip if you're lurking.

01:23:15.000 But you can just kind of go in there and watch.

01:23:17.000 It's fun.

01:23:18.000 That seems like a lot of time, too.

01:23:19.000 Dude, it's, you know, yeah, it's very addictive.

01:23:22.000 And there's a bunch of stuff like that.

01:23:23.000 There's other sites like that, too.

01:23:25.000 That's just the name I know.

01:23:26.000 I can't do it.

01:23:27.000 I don't do any of those sites.

01:23:28.000 I don't look at any of those.

01:23:30.000 I didn't either for a while.

01:23:30.000 But this one I found, I was like, well, it was so new.

01:23:32.000 Like, the idea of it was so new to me.

01:23:35.000 But, you know, I'm trying to stop doing it.

01:23:37.000 Because it's just, you don't even do it.

01:23:39.000 You just watch. 0.93

01:23:39.000 I don't even jerk off that. 0.93

01:23:40.000 I'm just watching. 0.78

01:23:41.000 Yeah.

01:23:41.000 It's like weird.

01:23:42.000 It's like what I dreamed of as a kid.

01:23:44.000 Can you remember your kid?

01:23:45.000 They're like, oh, someday you're going to pick up that phone in the kitchen and you're going to be able to see the person you're talking to.

01:23:49.000 And you're like, no. 1.00

01:23:50.000 Now I can just open this thing and watch people fucking masturbate. 1.00

01:23:53.000 I'm like, holy shit. 1.00

01:23:54.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:23:55.000 It's wonderful.

01:23:56.000 It is weird.

01:23:59.000 I can't believe it.

01:24:00.000 Your brain's not ready for it.

01:24:01.000 No.

01:24:02.000 No one's brain is.

01:24:03.000 And especially a guy like you that knows a lot of people and has a lot of options.

01:24:07.000 There's almost like too much coming at you.

01:24:10.000 Yeah, I don't know how to manage it and I'm so afraid of missing the party.

01:24:13.000 I'm so afraid.

01:24:15.000 You know what I mean? 0.98

01:24:17.000 It goes back to, I remember when I was a kid, I had fucked up. 0.80

01:24:20.000 I don't know what I did, but I remember my friends, these two black kids, I think they were twins, Pierre and Randall, and they wanted me to go to the store with them, and my mother wouldn't let me go. 0.95

01:24:29.000 And I remember screaming and crying and being so fucking angry, and it was like I was going to miss something. 1.00

01:24:36.000 The idea, like, oh, these guys I like are going to the store, fucking shit's going to happen, and I'm stuck with this bitch. 1.00

01:24:43.000 I was stuck. 1.00

01:24:44.000 I was so displeased.

01:24:46.000 But it was that feeling of missing this great thing.

01:24:51.000 The fear of missing out.

01:24:52.000 You know who doesn't have the fear of missing out?

01:24:54.000 I love him.

01:24:55.000 Dice.

01:24:56.000 Never cares. 1.00

01:24:56.000 Oh, he doesn't give a fuck. 1.00

01:24:58.000 And I told this story recently, which is what made me think of it. 0.99

01:25:00.000 We did a show when I opened for him from 1997 to 2000. And one of our Vegas shows, Tiger Woods came to the show.

01:25:06.000 It's the only time I ever met him.

01:25:07.000 I ran out and said hello to the fight in 1998. And Dice, they said Tigers might come back.

01:25:12.000 And he goes, let him.

01:25:14.000 I'm going up to the room. 0.98

01:25:16.000 He didn't give a fuck that the greatest golfer alive wanted to come back and say hi. 0.96

01:25:20.000 Hey, Tiger. 0.98

01:25:21.000 Good for him.

01:25:22.000 And he meant it.

01:25:23.000 Good for him.

01:25:23.000 He wasn't showing off.

01:25:25.000 You know Dice. 0.99

01:25:26.000 He fucking meant it. 0.98

01:25:28.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:25:28.000 He went up to his room and he ordered a creme brulee. 0.99

01:25:31.000 He didn't give a shit about missing. 0.99

01:25:34.000 You know, Dice is fucking nuts and he's the party. 0.99

01:25:37.000 But I admired that so much, that ability to live without feeling like you're gonna miss out. 0.99

01:25:41.000 Ooh, I'm missing out. 0.99

01:25:43.000 It's this fucking fear. 1.00

01:25:45.000 It's addict. 1.00

01:25:46.000 It's attic stuff.

01:25:47.000 I used to have that with this pool hall that I used to go to. 0.96

01:25:50.000 I used to go to this pool hall when I lived in New York, and it was a fucking great place.

01:25:54.000 And there was executive billiards in White Plains, New York, and there was always a lot of gambling going on. 0.94

01:25:58.000 A lot of big gambling games.

01:26:00.000 Guys would come in from out of town.

01:26:01.000 There were great pool players, and people would sit and watch.

01:26:04.000 There was always something happening.

01:26:06.000 I didn't have a cell phone back then, so I'd be on a date with my girlfriend.

01:26:10.000 I'd just be thinking, man, there's something going on at the pool hall right now.

01:26:13.000 It's probably happening.

01:26:14.000 Something's going down.

01:26:16.000 Guys are betting.

01:26:17.000 Guys are playing.

01:26:18.000 There's probably a lot of action.

01:26:19.000 Something's happening.

01:26:20.000 Total attic stuff.

01:26:21.000 Yeah, and it's really, when you get there, there's nothing happening.

01:26:24.000 Sometimes there was, though.

01:26:24.000 That's a problem.

01:26:25.000 Yeah, once in a while.

01:26:26.000 But it's the one time there is.

01:26:27.000 It wipes out the 40 times there wasn't.

01:26:30.000 Yeah, it does.

01:26:31.000 It does.

01:26:31.000 It makes it worthwhile.

01:26:32.000 It's like fishing. 1.00

01:26:33.000 You can go fishing three days in a row and not catch a goddamn thing and go, Goddamn, fishing sucks. 1.00

01:26:37.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:26:37.000 And then one day, you hook a giant salmon. 1.00

01:26:39.000 You're like, Holy shit! 0.99

01:26:41.000 It's another year of fishing, because that one time. 1.00

01:26:43.000 It's weird how the one time it works overrides all the times it does it.

01:26:47.000 It's not rational.

01:26:48.000 Oh, yeah.

01:26:48.000 But I live my life like that.

01:26:50.000 Well, that's like people going out trying to get laid, you know?

01:26:53.000 I mean, how often does that work?

01:26:54.000 When a guy goes out trying to get laid at a bar, the average fella, what is it?

01:26:59.000 Is he like three out of ten if he's great at it?

01:27:02.000 Right.

01:27:02.000 Not even.

01:27:03.000 Maybe one out of ten, right?

01:27:05.000 Yeah.

01:27:05.000 If you go out ten nights trying to find the girl of your dreams, It's the odds of you finding her in one of those ten or finding a hot girl or finding a girl you're attracted to.

01:27:14.000 Some guys will pull it off.

01:27:15.000 Chris D'Elia could probably go out and do it.

01:27:16.000 Yeah, but he's a handsome guy. 0.88

01:27:17.000 I give Chris, he could probably pull a fucking four or five nights out of ten where he's pulling home at least an eight.

01:27:22.000 But he's also famous. 0.98

01:27:23.000 And he's funny.

01:27:24.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:27:24.000 He's funny.

01:27:25.000 He's got a good personality.

01:27:26.000 He's a good-looking guy.

01:27:27.000 He's tall and handsome.

01:27:27.000 It's a revolting combination.

01:27:29.000 As another man to watch, it's a revolting...

01:27:30.000 It's beautiful.

01:27:31.000 It really bugs me.

01:27:32.000 Does it?

01:27:32.000 Yes!

01:27:34.000 Of course. 1.00

01:27:35.000 That's all I need is to date a girl who wants to fuck him. 1.00

01:27:36.000 I'm like, finished. 1.00

01:27:38.000 I would have no shot, because he is funny.

01:27:41.000 If he wasn't funny, he would be okay, but if a guy is funny, I can't even...

01:27:45.000 That's the one trump card I have, is that I'm a funny guy.

01:27:48.000 But if another dude's funny and he's good-looking, I'm like, ugh, I just have to give you up.

01:27:52.000 I have to concede defeat.

01:27:53.000 Yeah.

01:27:55.000 Unless he's a conservative guy sexually.

01:27:57.000 Maybe that. 1.00

01:27:57.000 Maybe if she's a pervert. 1.00

01:27:59.000 Right. 1.00

01:27:59.000 Maybe he's not sucking on her hands. 1.00

01:28:02.000 Yeah, or her feet. 0.99

01:28:03.000 I'm not even that big on her feet.

01:28:04.000 I just found them later in life.

01:28:05.000 I just think it's fun to talk about.

01:28:07.000 But I'm not a big foot guy.

01:28:09.000 But I do ask the size of feet.

01:28:10.000 Really?

01:28:11.000 Yeah.

01:28:11.000 I like them big.

01:28:12.000 Really?

01:28:13.000 Yeah.

01:28:13.000 Why do you like them big?

01:28:14.000 I don't know.

01:28:15.000 Probably because more is better. 1.00

01:28:16.000 I'm a greedy fuck. 1.00

01:28:24.000 Did you lose the sound? 1.00

01:28:26.000 Yeah, what happened?

01:28:27.000 There's a little thing there that has to be plugged in.

01:28:30.000 I probably knocked it out.

01:28:31.000 Yeah, we need to fix that with our next setup.

01:28:35.000 No, I didn't fix it.

01:28:35.000 I'm sorry.

01:28:36.000 We'll get it.

01:28:38.000 Did I break it?

01:28:38.000 Oh, I just knocked that out.

01:28:40.000 It's cool.

01:28:40.000 I'm only doing radio since 2000. Let's tape that.

01:28:42.000 There it is taped.

01:28:43.000 It is taped?

01:28:44.000 Oh, that's better. 0.92

01:28:44.000 You're so violent. 0.92

01:28:45.000 Pulled the tape free.

01:28:46.000 I just uncrossed my legs.

01:28:49.000 Uncrossed my legs improperly and broke the equipment.

01:28:51.000 So yeah, that's the one ace in the hole I feel like I got.

01:28:53.000 I don't know, but I want it to be...

01:28:57.000 Life is fun, and I kind of wanted to...

01:29:00.000 Not settle down, but I wanted to see somebody regularly.

01:29:03.000 Yeah, when was the last time you did that though?

01:29:04.000 You had a girlfriend for a while when we were doing the virus tour way back in the day.

01:29:09.000 What was that like?

01:29:09.000 It might have been ten years ago, right?

01:29:11.000 That was 2006 and 7 or 7 and 8 maybe.

01:29:15.000 I had a girlfriend back then, but after that I dated a girl seriously too for a few years.

01:29:21.000 We broke up.

01:29:22.000 It was just too much fighting.

01:29:22.000 I'm difficult.

01:29:23.000 She's my best friend.

01:29:24.000 I still talk to her all the time.

01:29:25.000 We just don't date anymore.

01:29:26.000 I haven't slept with her in five years, but we're still...

01:29:28.000 You know, she's a great person.

01:29:29.000 Too much fighting.

01:29:30.000 Too much fighting.

01:29:31.000 What do you fight about?

01:29:32.000 Everything.

01:29:33.000 I like the arguing thing, but I get obsessed with feeling like I've been wronged or humiliated.

01:29:38.000 Oh, really?

01:29:39.000 Yeah, it's crazy.

01:29:40.000 It's that whole thing.

01:29:41.000 But do you realize that you're obsessed with it and it's not real while you're doing it?

01:29:46.000 Yeah, like if I had to write it down, I could write it down, but it doesn't change because I got addicted to feeling shitty.

01:29:51.000 I used to trap girls, right? 1.00

01:29:52.000 I would have a girl tell me, like, I would make them tell me if their ex-boyfriend's dick is bigger than mine. 1.00

01:29:58.000 Okay? 1.00

01:30:00.000 And let's be honest, the odds were not bad that that would be the case.

01:30:05.000 And you would trap them and then you would get upset that they had brought it up.

01:30:09.000 Or it would give me an excuse to hate myself and feel bad about myself and like I'm worthless.

01:30:16.000 And then that way there was nothing they could do to make me feel bad.

01:30:20.000 It was like this self-fulfilling prophecy. 1.00

01:30:22.000 And then I dated a girl one time whose ex-boyfriend had a giant dick. 0.99

01:30:26.000 And she told me that before I dated her. 1.00

01:30:32.000 She had a video fucking him. 1.00

01:30:34.000 She's like, you're not gonna want to see that. 1.00

01:30:36.000 And the way she said it was so sexy, like, ooh, naughty girl.

01:30:39.000 I wanted to see it.

01:30:40.000 And I made myself watch it, and it turned me on to see her like that. 0.53

01:30:44.000 To see her being dirt. 1.00

01:30:46.000 I took something that I was gonna torture myself with, and I'm like, fuck it. 1.00

01:30:49.000 It was almost like you throw your hands up and you go with it. 1.00

01:30:52.000 Instead of being ashamed and feeling bad about myself because of her past, take a woman's past and just make it a dirty part of her that you like. 0.99

01:31:00.000 So then I never gave a fuck again about her boyfriend. 0.99

01:31:03.000 I don't care who you dated before me now. 0.98

01:31:05.000 Really? 1.00

01:31:05.000 His dick was bigger? 1.00

01:31:06.000 Good for you. 1.00

01:31:07.000 Let's hear about it while I'm eating your pussy. 1.00

01:31:09.000 That's what I like. 1.00

01:31:10.000 Tell me all about it, hun.

01:31:12.000 He would do better, wouldn't he?

01:31:14.000 It's fun.

01:31:15.000 Then it becomes a fun thing that you can fetishize and make good, and then they don't ever have to feel embarrassed about their past.

01:31:21.000 Like, oh, I can't tell this guy that. 0.99

01:31:22.000 That's a rare girl that'll show you a video of another guy fucking her. 1.00

01:31:26.000 Yeah, but I bugged her for it, but I kind of knew at that moment I knew at that moment that it was a make-or-break because I had done this my whole life with girls I had set up these scenarios where I was gonna lose and they were gonna be fucking I was gonna purposely put a wedge in between that wasn't necessary and I didn't want to do it with this girl because she was super sexy and funny and I just knew it was dumb so I made myself sit through it and see how I felt about it and I was able to turn it into a pornography and it was okay And when you said that you knew that you were doing 0.97

01:31:57.000 it while you were doing it, like you knew you were sabotaging it while you were doing it?

01:32:00.000 At times, yeah, but not until after because I got addicted to that feeling, that burning feeling in the pit of your stomach when you're feeling like you've been cheated on or you've been wrong. 1.00

01:32:09.000 It was just a stupid, it was like a drug. 1.00

01:32:11.000 It was like a fucking familiar feeling. 1.00

01:32:14.000 So you were actually addicted to feeling disrespected and wrong. 0.99

01:32:18.000 And shitty, and yeah, but not in a sexy, fun way. 0.96

01:32:20.000 Like now, oh, a good dose of humiliation makes me crazy, but it turns me on. 0.97

01:32:27.000 Yeah, it's fun.

01:32:28.000 It's different.

01:32:29.000 It feels unique.

01:32:31.000 It's so weird.

01:32:32.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:32:33.000 I love it.

01:32:34.000 Does anybody relate to that when you tell another, like your friends?

01:32:36.000 A lot of people do.

01:32:37.000 Oh my god.

01:32:37.000 Of course, sure.

01:32:38.000 A lot of people like it.

01:32:39.000 They like humiliation or whatever.

01:32:41.000 Whatever it is.

01:32:42.000 Or how many guys, and plus the women.

01:32:44.000 A lot of women enjoy it, too. 1.00

01:32:45.000 They love telling you about that stuff.

01:32:47.000 Because it lets them be who they want to be.

01:32:49.000 Right.

01:32:50.000 And they don't have to feel like, oh, I've got to pretend on this way or that way. 1.00

01:32:54.000 I don't give a fuck. 0.99

01:32:55.000 The worse you've been, the more you're going to be happy I walk through the door. 1.00

01:32:59.000 You know what I mean?

01:33:00.000 Because there's going to be nothing I do that's going to surprise you.

01:33:02.000 So that's what I kind of like.

01:33:04.000 I want somebody...

01:33:05.000 That's why I seek out people in the sex industry, I think.

01:33:08.000 Because I have no judgment on it.

01:33:11.000 Like, if you do porn or if you've escorted...

01:33:14.000 Because I feel like you're not going to judge me.

01:33:16.000 I feel like whatever you've done...

01:33:19.000 I'm okay with it.

01:33:20.000 Yeah, that's really important because the real issue is someone judging you, right?

01:33:25.000 Yeah.

01:33:26.000 Someone deciding that what you've done is wrong.

01:33:28.000 I ended a relationship one time.

01:33:31.000 There was a girl I was dating, and she was one of the girls I met who didn't know my past or my history or the things I've joked about or talked about or said that were true.

01:33:37.000 I made sure they were jokes for a while, but of course they're true.

01:33:41.000 And I had to tell her a couple of things.

01:33:44.000 Because it's Google-able.

01:33:45.000 Right.

01:33:47.000 You know, trans... 0.98

01:33:48.000 You know, it's gonna come up.

01:33:51.000 And there's no way around it.

01:33:53.000 So I talked to her about a little...

01:33:54.000 This is post-nuptials?

01:33:57.000 Post...

01:33:58.000 Sex? 0.99

01:33:58.000 Have you had sex? 0.99

01:33:59.000 Had we fucked? 1.00

01:34:00.000 Oh, yeah, yeah. 0.98

01:34:01.000 We were seeing each other for a few weeks.

01:34:02.000 Post-coil.

01:34:02.000 Nuptials is marriage.

01:34:03.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:34:05.000 We were seeing each other for a few weeks.

01:34:06.000 And she got really weird with it.

01:34:08.000 She was uncomfortable with it.

01:34:09.000 And we were eating lunch.

01:34:11.000 And she said something to me like, you know, that stuff you told me about the stuff you've done with... 1.00

01:34:16.000 Tran girls whatever like I had to say it because again I'm not gonna be with you for four four or five months and all of a sudden you pop it up and go I got a question Yeah, I'm not dealing with that on the way to a wedding or a fucking party Look at your dumb face cuz you don't get it. 1.00

01:34:29.000 I don't want it. 0.99

01:34:31.000 So I said fuck it I would tell her and she's like you can never Tell me stuff like that again because I have an idea of what being masculine is and I'm like okay cool and as she was talking and I felt every bit of attraction to her drain. 1.00

01:34:46.000 Nothing. 0.99

01:34:47.000 I liked it.

01:34:48.000 I liked the fact that I wasn't offended by what she said. 1.00

01:34:52.000 I was like, go fuck yourself. 1.00

01:34:56.000 Finished. 1.00

01:34:57.000 And I stopped seeing her after that.

01:34:59.000 Because it was fair that she had that. 1.00

01:35:00.000 But I don't like that scolding shit. 1.00

01:35:03.000 We all want something. 1.00

01:35:05.000 When someone judges you or scolds you sexually, it drives me crazy.

01:35:09.000 Yeah, so it wasn't just that she was saying, hey, I know that that's your past, and I know that this is something that you're into, but I'm not into that, so this is going to be a problem.

01:35:18.000 Fine.

01:35:19.000 Instead, she was saying, that is not what I think of as masculine, and you are not masculine.

01:35:24.000 Yeah, like...

01:35:25.000 And you can't do that again.

01:35:27.000 Yeah, I didn't feel like, oh, I'm not. 0.99

01:35:29.000 I was like, ugh, shut up. 0.94

01:35:30.000 So she had to put her foot down? 1.00

01:35:31.000 Is that what it was?

01:35:32.000 I think she just didn't want to hear about it.

01:35:34.000 But I don't care if you're into the same stuff.

01:35:36.000 I get that.

01:35:37.000 I'm not going to be in the same things a lot of women are into. 0.97

01:35:39.000 Apparently, the times they want to hold hands and hear I love you sexually.

01:35:42.000 Good luck with that one.

01:35:43.000 It's not happening.

01:35:45.000 I'll do it afterwards.

01:35:46.000 I can't have a loving sexual experience unless we're strangers.

01:35:50.000 Then it's a weird high.

01:35:51.000 What?

01:35:51.000 Yeah, it's crazy, dude.

01:35:53.000 Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. 0.93

01:35:54.000 So, if you're strangers, then you can have a loving sexual experience?

01:35:58.000 Yeah, then I want to say I love you, or I want you to tell me you love me.

01:36:02.000 If they're strangers?

01:36:04.000 Yeah, or if I'm paying them.

01:36:05.000 Wow.

01:36:05.000 Yeah, it's weird.

01:36:06.000 It's like whatever feels...

01:36:08.000 You know, whatever gets things mixed up a little bit.

01:36:10.000 So that's just for a good time.

01:36:12.000 Just for a moment.

01:36:13.000 Like you said, you think too much.

01:36:14.000 It's too much...

01:36:15.000 But do you really feel it in the moment, though, sometimes?

01:36:18.000 You feel connected.

01:36:19.000 For some reason, I've analyzed this to death.

01:36:22.000 I think what it is...

01:36:23.000 When I don't know them, I don't feel any pressure.

01:36:26.000 And I don't feel scared that I'm not gonna do well. 0.98

01:36:29.000 I'm not gonna be scared that I'm gonna fuck up.

01:36:31.000 So when we're connected, I feel completely free just to feel things and be nice.

01:36:36.000 But once I know you and once I'm dating you and I care about your opinion, then, like you said, all the variables come in.

01:36:42.000 I'm not gonna fuck up.

01:36:44.000 So when there's no risk. 0.96

01:36:46.000 I think that's what I always liked about it.

01:36:49.000 Exchanges of money.

01:36:50.000 It was never dehumanizing like I never Treated the girls bad.

01:36:53.000 I was never you know, I mean I always made them I think it was I just felt like free like I know she's not Worried about how I do right so I could be comfortable.

01:37:03.000 I'm I'm not going to be judged.

01:37:04.000 I don't know. 0.99

01:37:05.000 Maybe I'm just justifying my own shit. 0.99

01:37:06.000 I don't know. 0.99

01:37:08.000 It's interesting.

01:37:09.000 I've never heard that before, though.

01:37:11.000 The only way that you can be loving and lovey in a sexual sense is if they're strangers.

01:37:19.000 Yeah, or if they're inaccessible.

01:37:20.000 A lot of times it was just about the chase. 1.00

01:37:22.000 And again, it's that addictive, stupid shit. 1.00

01:37:24.000 Wow. 1.00

01:37:25.000 But I liked that one moment.

01:37:26.000 Like, yeah, we all have these moments where we feel better.

01:37:28.000 And when that girl said that, I felt better about it. 0.87

01:37:31.000 Like, I was glad that I didn't go, okay.

01:37:35.000 Did you stay friends with her?

01:37:36.000 Oh, yeah.

01:37:36.000 I'm not mad at her.

01:37:37.000 Right.

01:37:38.000 I'm not mad at her. 1.00

01:37:38.000 And she told me some sexual shit, too. 1.00

01:37:40.000 It was almost like the shit you told me that I didn't judge you on. 1.00

01:37:43.000 Like, what kind of shit? 1.00

01:37:44.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:37:46.000 She had had a fantasy...

01:37:49.000 I could say this because she doesn't even live in state anymore. 1.00

01:37:52.000 I wouldn't say this if I still saw her.

01:37:54.000 I would feel bad.

01:37:55.000 But she had, let's just say, had a... 0.95

01:37:58.000 And she had never done it, but she had had an animal fantasy. 0.99

01:38:02.000 Or she had watched a video of an animal fucking a woman and admitted that there was something about it that had turned her on. 0.99

01:38:09.000 Hmm. 1.00

01:38:10.000 What kind of animal?

01:38:11.000 It was a pony.

01:38:18.000 And...

01:38:19.000 There's something about the way he said that.

01:38:21.000 The long pause.

01:38:22.000 It was a pony.

01:38:25.000 And when she told me that, she wasn't being dirty.

01:38:27.000 She was literally just talking to me about it. 1.00

01:38:30.000 Well, it's a big fat hog. 0.97

01:38:31.000 Yeah, I think I blurted that out. 1.00

01:38:33.000 It was a big fat hog. 1.00

01:38:35.000 Big fat pony hog. 1.00

01:38:37.000 But she... 1.00

01:38:41.000 Well, that's a common fantasy, women and horses. 1.00

01:38:45.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:38:45.000 A horse's dick is so big, you can't think about the horse without thinking about its dick. 1.00

01:38:49.000 Absolutely. 1.00

01:38:50.000 When you think about a horse, like, you think, oh, she has a dick on that thing. 1.00

01:38:53.000 It's just like, it's a giant dick. 1.00

01:38:55.000 I mean, horse dicks are fucking huge. 1.00

01:38:57.000 Yeah, what a great reputation. 1.00

01:38:58.000 Horses are such dope, they don't even know what a great reputation they have. 1.00

01:39:02.000 Being a horse sucks. 0.99

01:39:03.000 Well, it's also a lot of women that ride them. 1.00

01:39:05.000 They're like these boxy, sort of almost androgynous flannel shirt-wearing women. 1.00

01:39:13.000 They lose their feminine shape and they get thick and they just ride that horse. 1.00

01:39:21.000 And I always feel like they're getting some sort of a vaginal stimulation by just the constant... 1.00

01:39:26.000 There's something about the movement of the horse and their saddle rubbing up against their pussy and they're just wearing their pussy out on their Wrangler jeans. 1.00

01:39:37.000 Wow, yeah, that's a good way to look at it. 1.00

01:39:39.000 You know what I'm saying?

01:39:39.000 Yeah, I never thought of that.

01:39:40.000 That's how I think of it.

01:39:41.000 Women who just like, I don't need men. 1.00

01:39:43.000 Just ride this horse and come three or four times as it goes up a hill. 0.87

01:39:46.000 Yeah, this giant beast with a car.

01:39:48.000 Keep going!

01:39:49.000 Keep going!

01:39:50.000 Oh! 0.60

01:39:51.000 Jesus!

01:39:52.000 Oh, Mr. Ed!

01:39:57.000 You know, I mean, I think that's a lot of what it is.

01:40:01.000 I mean, there's a lot of women in my neighborhood. 1.00

01:40:03.000 I live in, like, an equestrian neighborhood.

01:40:05.000 Do you know that Burbank is an equestrian neighborhood?

01:40:07.000 I didn't. 1.00

01:40:07.000 Yeah, you could be in Burbank, and you'll see fucking people walk down the street riding a horse. 1.00

01:40:11.000 That's cool. 0.99

01:40:11.000 It's weird. 0.99

01:40:12.000 I love petting horses.

01:40:13.000 Do you?

01:40:14.000 They're awesome. 0.97

01:40:15.000 Fucking great. 0.97

01:40:16.000 They're great. 0.99

01:40:17.000 They're awesome animals.

01:40:18.000 I like to pet all animals.

01:40:19.000 I want to go to a sanctuary.

01:40:21.000 Oh, but the point with that girl is I didn't judge her when she told me that.

01:40:24.000 I wasn't mad at her.

01:40:25.000 I didn't think she was weird.

01:40:25.000 It's not my thing at all.

01:40:27.000 She's a size queen. 1.00

01:40:29.000 Yeah, she sure was.

01:40:30.000 She picked the wrong fella. 1.00

01:40:33.000 Well, she probably liked you for some parts of you.

01:40:36.000 I mean, that's often the case with people, right?

01:40:37.000 Like, you like certain aspects, but it doesn't all line up. 0.98

01:40:42.000 But you like a few things, like he's got a great sense of humor, he's fearless, he's hilarious, he says funny shit all the time, he keeps me entertained, but he's fucked a few dudes in dresses. 0.99

01:40:54.000 No, I would never fuck a dude in a dress. 1.00

01:40:56.000 That'd be weird. 1.00

01:40:56.000 Only a trans woman. 1.00

01:40:57.000 There's a difference.

01:40:59.000 Edward was the dude in a dress. 1.00

01:41:00.000 I would never fuck Edward. 1.00

01:41:01.000 I would never. 1.00

01:41:02.000 Trans woman.

01:41:04.000 Yes.

01:41:04.000 Did you get excited when people started changing the differentiations between...

01:41:10.000 It used to be a tranny. 1.00

01:41:13.000 Everybody thought it was a guy.

01:41:14.000 It's a guy.

01:41:15.000 And now it's she.

01:41:17.000 It's her.

01:41:18.000 I didn't care. 0.98

01:41:20.000 Some of the political correction is so fucking irritating. 0.92

01:41:25.000 And then there's times where I think some of it might make sense. 0.90

01:41:27.000 Not in punishing people, but there's a difference between this person and that person.

01:41:31.000 So some of it is fine, but I don't care.

01:41:34.000 Whatever people want to be.

01:41:35.000 Whatever.

01:41:36.000 I don't care.

01:41:37.000 Some trans girls I've talked to are like, I'm a woman.

01:41:40.000 And I'm like, no.

01:41:42.000 There's a difference.

01:41:43.000 Who you are is fine.

01:41:45.000 You're great who you are.

01:41:46.000 You don't need to change who you are.

01:41:47.000 You don't have to say you're this word because the judgment of the country is pleasanter for that word than it is for this word.

01:41:54.000 But you are who you are.

01:41:57.000 Don't say you're... 0.99

01:41:58.000 I personally just don't look at it that way, but someone who's 20 would tell me I'm a fucking transphobic. 1.00

01:42:03.000 I know I'm going to get shit. 0.99

01:42:04.000 I talk about it in the special. 1.00

01:42:05.000 I know I'm going to get shit for it, but fuck it. 1.00

01:42:08.000 If you don't say every word right... 1.00

01:42:10.000 If someone's throwing their minds down and you step on one, you know, you get fucked. 0.98

01:42:15.000 Well, it's the same thing that we were talking about with that joke earlier, that guy got in trouble for. 0.99

01:42:19.000 People are looking to get mad.

01:42:20.000 There's a lot of that.

01:42:21.000 And when it comes to transgender people, and here's another thing, like, people will tell you, if you're not trans, you shouldn't be talking about trans issues. 1.00

01:42:29.000 How about fuck you, first of all? 1.00

01:42:31.000 Because this is a national, global thing that's going on right now. 1.00

01:42:35.000 But...

01:42:36.000 You should be able to talk about everything.

01:42:37.000 Sure.

01:42:53.000 And they identify with being a woman.

01:42:55.000 They feel much better when they're wearing a dress.

01:42:57.000 They feel much better wearing women's clothes. 0.99

01:42:59.000 They feel much better.

01:43:01.000 And I don't think they should have to get surgery to do that. 1.00

01:43:04.000 I don't think you should have to get your dick... 1.00

01:43:05.000 I mean, people said, unless you get your dick cut off, you're not a woman. 1.00

01:43:08.000 Right. 1.00

01:43:18.000 Right. 0.72

01:43:32.000 So there are those people in the world, but then there are also people that are insane.

01:43:37.000 Yes, sure.

01:43:38.000 There's plenty of that.

01:43:39.000 People who think they know who they are and what they want, but they're wrong.

01:43:42.000 I've asked that surgery question a lot.

01:43:45.000 I'll ask, like, do you want, why do you want, if you want to get this SRS, and I'm just, I'm genuinely, I'm genuinely curious.

01:43:53.000 I'm not asking to be like, oh, you said it like everybody would know what that meant.

01:43:56.000 That's how deep into the world you are.

01:43:58.000 Oh, please, in my world, that's old hat.

01:44:00.000 Yeah.

01:44:01.000 That's like human resources.

01:44:02.000 I gotta go talk to HR. Yeah, I forget sometimes.

01:44:06.000 You know, CIA, FBI, SRS, normal shit. 1.00

01:44:09.000 I poke my head out the fucking cave once in a while. 1.00

01:44:11.000 I'm like, really? 0.99

01:44:11.000 Everybody isn't talking about this? 0.99

01:44:13.000 All right, back I go.

01:44:14.000 SRS. But I've asked about it, and I'm like, I'm genuinely curious to what you say.

01:44:17.000 Like, I don't know the answer to it.

01:44:18.000 So I'm like, do you want it?

01:44:20.000 And sometimes the answer is like, I think it will feel better.

01:44:22.000 And that's one thing.

01:44:24.000 And then other girls are like, well, this way I can go swimming. 0.87

01:44:26.000 And I'm like, but those are all outside things of other people's judgment.

01:44:29.000 That's not like I feel a certain way.

01:44:31.000 Other people will look at me more this way.

01:44:34.000 So that's a dangerous thing, I think.

01:44:36.000 But if it's going to feel better and this is how I want to be, that's one thing.

01:44:39.000 And they can't come, though.

01:44:40.000 That's the other thing.

01:44:41.000 There's no orgasms, right?

01:44:42.000 I don't know. 1.00

01:44:43.000 You get your dick removed, I'm pretty sure the orgasms are done. 1.00

01:44:46.000 I've heard different answers from different people. 1.00

01:44:48.000 So I just don't know the answer.

01:44:50.000 Isn't it funny that that's terrifying to people as a thought to no longer be able to have orgasms?

01:44:55.000 How many orgasms do you even have in a week?

01:44:57.000 If you have four or five orgasms a week. 0.82

01:44:59.000 No.

01:45:00.000 It's not that many.

01:45:01.000 It's not.

01:45:02.000 Considering the 24 hours in a day, all the moments in a day, the few moments, the 30, 40 seconds of...

01:45:09.000 Yeah.

01:45:13.000 That's so important to people.

01:45:14.000 The lead-up, too, is fun, though.

01:45:16.000 I get addicted to the lead-up, and that's where you can keep going for a while.

01:45:20.000 You were the first person to tell me about edging.

01:45:22.000 Oh, really?

01:45:22.000 I didn't know about edging.

01:45:23.000 Oh, yeah, it's great.

01:45:24.000 I never heard about that.

01:45:25.000 You would get close and then stop.

01:45:27.000 Get close and then stop.

01:45:28.000 It's awful.

01:45:28.000 It really is.

01:45:29.000 I wish I didn't do it because then sex becomes this weird thing.

01:45:32.000 But, you know, I get addicted to doing that.

01:45:35.000 And when I don't do it for a while, then I just kind of feel normal.

01:45:38.000 Yeah.

01:45:38.000 Now, when you do a show like this and you get real open about this kind of stuff, do you get a bunch of freaky chicks just start...

01:45:44.000 I think because again with with with with on the radio show in the morning there's enough people who know me or It's not surprising to anybody.

01:45:52.000 I don't fucking I was talking this girl on Instagram and she was uh she was trans and I was following her and she wrote me this this Private message and she's like I didn't even know who you are I had to look you up Which is weird like alright fine.

01:46:06.000 I didn't say hey hey look it's me kiddo.

01:46:08.000 Were they trying to shoot you down a little bit?

01:46:10.000 For no reason I didn't do anything to her.

01:46:12.000 Well, it's natural And then she's like, that bit you did on strap-on is very disrespectful.

01:46:17.000 I'm like, first of all, it's a true story. 0.99

01:46:20.000 You think I'm proud of the fact that a fucking... 1.00

01:46:23.000 There's two different strap-on stories I have, and I've told them both in specials. 0.99

01:46:26.000 They're both true.

01:46:28.000 And I'm like, they're not.

01:46:29.000 They're true stories.

01:46:29.000 You're trying to act like you don't like trans girls, but it's obvious you do.

01:46:32.000 And I'm just like, oh, you fucking dope. 1.00

01:46:35.000 You're not reading the situation right. 1.00

01:46:37.000 Of course I do.

01:46:37.000 You know, no one thinks I don't.

01:46:39.000 No one.

01:46:40.000 And I send her an interview from Vice where I talk about it.

01:46:43.000 And then she blocked me. 0.96

01:46:45.000 She blocked you? 0.78

01:46:46.000 Of course she did.

01:46:46.000 Nobody wants to be wrong.

01:46:47.000 Oh. 1.00

01:46:48.000 She's a fucking idiot. 1.00

01:46:49.000 So she was just trying to get mad at you? 1.00

01:46:50.000 For no reason.

01:46:51.000 She didn't want to be proven wrong. 1.00

01:46:53.000 People are so stupid. 1.00

01:46:54.000 People get mad. 1.00

01:46:55.000 They like to get mad.

01:46:55.000 They get mad just like you were talking about.

01:46:57.000 You were addicted to causing these situations.

01:47:01.000 That's true.

01:47:01.000 I'm a Twitter troll in a relationship.

01:47:07.000 I mean, that is what it is, right?

01:47:08.000 Yes!

01:47:09.000 I'm addicted to that feeling.

01:47:11.000 I'm addicted to that rush and that height.

01:47:14.000 That's exactly what I do.

01:47:16.000 Isn't it funny that the president is a Twitter troll? 0.95

01:47:19.000 Oh my god, yes. 0.99

01:47:20.000 Our president's a Twitter troll. 0.95

01:47:21.000 And I don't even hate him. 0.96

01:47:22.000 Say whatever you want about him.

01:47:23.000 I don't hate him, but his Twitter is embarrassing. 1.00

01:47:25.000 He's a troll. 0.98

01:47:26.000 He's gotta stop. 0.98

01:47:27.000 He's a legit Twitter troll.

01:47:29.000 That's a weird word to say. 0.97

01:47:30.000 Twitter troll. 0.98

01:47:31.000 Twitter troll. 0.98

01:47:32.000 Twitter troll. 0.98

01:47:33.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:47:34.000 Really, he is an odd duck. 0.99

01:47:36.000 He's a troll. 0.99

01:47:37.000 He likes to troll. 0.97

01:47:38.000 I mean, him and Rosie O'Donnell still go at it almost every day.

01:47:42.000 Or at least Rosie goes at it. 0.99

01:47:44.000 Rosie backed off for a long time, but now that he's president...

01:47:47.000 Didn't she back off when he said he was going to sue her?

01:47:48.000 Because I think she had said he was broke or he went back.

01:47:50.000 She said something, which technically, and you don't want to have to litigate with a guy with a billion dollars. 0.95

01:47:55.000 I mean, that's a frightening proposition.

01:47:56.000 I think she apologized on The View if I was wrong, which is probably a smart move.

01:48:01.000 Well, that was when she started mocking him on The View because he had done this thing where the Miss USA, or which one does he own?

01:48:09.000 Miss Universe?

01:48:10.000 I don't remember.

01:48:11.000 He owns one of them and he had made some sort of distinction that the woman, I forget the specifics, but she had done something inappropriate or what he deemed inappropriate and she was getting her crown removed or something like that.

01:48:25.000 So Rosie O'Donnell was mocking him and she's mocking his hair and the way he behaves and the whole deal and she went on this long rant about him on The View.

01:48:34.000 And then he went on Letterman and shit all over her, and then they went back and forth and back and forth, and then I saw she made a poem because he had mocked her during the debates. 0.99

01:48:46.000 One of the things that drove me crazy, because When Hillary Clinton was debating him, she said, you have said this about women, you know, that women, this woman's a pig or this woman. 0.99

01:48:58.000 Okay, but about which one? 0.98

01:49:00.000 Yeah.

01:49:01.000 Like, well, you can't say women overall in general.

01:49:03.000 She knew what she was doing.

01:49:04.000 She was trying to find, like, this hot-button issue.

01:49:08.000 And he's like, well, you know, I said about Rosie O'Donnell.

01:49:10.000 And so she was devastated by that.

01:49:13.000 She was watching it at home and wrote a whole poem.

01:49:16.000 About the sadness creeping in, how it was bothering her, and the whole deal.

01:49:20.000 But now she kind of baits him.

01:49:22.000 He made a post yesterday about all the jobs that have been created, and he wrote, jobs, jobs, jobs.

01:49:27.000 And she retweeted it, quote tweeted it, and said, treason, treason, treason.

01:49:32.000 And I'm like, alright.

01:49:33.000 Yeah, people really are upset with this one.

01:49:35.000 I'm enjoying it.

01:49:36.000 I love being alive.

01:49:37.000 I love watching it.

01:49:38.000 It's fascinating times.

01:49:38.000 Love it.

01:49:39.000 It's fun!

01:49:39.000 It's all these protests.

01:49:40.000 People get in front of the Trump Towers and fucking scream. 0.99

01:49:43.000 I know, and our studio's not far from there, so when the fucking Uber driver decides to go up First Avenue, I know I'm gonna hit traffic crossing town. 1.00

01:49:49.000 It's like, hey, dummy, go up the other way. 0.99

01:49:50.000 It's recreational outrage.

01:49:52.000 Yeah, I think so.

01:49:52.000 There's so many people that are out there in front of his building.

01:49:54.000 Oh, but we were there in the hotel.

01:49:55.000 Yes.

01:49:55.000 In your hotel at UFC 200. That's right.

01:49:57.000 Or was it 205?

01:49:58.000 205. And we had to walk.

01:50:00.000 Holy fuck, that was great. 0.99

01:50:01.000 Remember that? 1.00

01:50:02.000 That was fun.

01:50:03.000 Yeah. 0.98

01:50:03.000 We walked from my hotel all the way to the UFC because we could not get a fucking car to take us. 0.98

01:50:10.000 No way. 0.99

01:50:10.000 There was no car. 0.99

01:50:11.000 So I had to put a hood on and just fucking barrel down and just plow through all the people. 0.83

01:50:16.000 And then when we started getting close to Madison Square Garden, it started getting a little crazy. 0.95

01:50:20.000 Because people recognized us and was getting a little squirly.

01:50:21.000 Well, yeah, for you it's very hard, but you walk very purposefully.

01:50:25.000 You have a way of getting in and out. 0.99

01:50:28.000 Because if you stop, there's going to be a fucking fire. 0.98

01:50:30.000 You've got to tell people you can't stop. 0.99

01:50:31.000 Because people are like, hey man, take a picture.

01:50:33.000 Hold on a second, hold on, let me get my picture.

01:50:34.000 Nope, can't do it.

01:50:35.000 Can't stop, can't stop.

01:50:37.000 There's 50,000 people on the street.

01:50:38.000 There's no way I can stop. 1.00

01:50:39.000 If I stop, I'm fucked. 1.00

01:50:40.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:50:41.000 Yeah, I've seen it.

01:50:42.000 One comes over, then it's just too many.

01:50:44.000 But it was this feeling in the air, too.

01:50:45.000 It was just such a weird feeling.

01:50:46.000 It was almost festive.

01:50:48.000 People were festive in their protesting.

01:50:50.000 It's almost, they're getting excited!

01:50:52.000 We're together!

01:50:53.000 Yeah! 1.00

01:50:54.000 Fuck him! 1.00

01:50:54.000 But meanwhile, you're not doing anything. 1.00

01:50:56.000 You're just yelling.

01:50:57.000 You know, this one guy, I've told this story before, but it was just so bizarre because he was screaming out, Donald Trump!

01:51:03.000 KKK! Racist! 0.99

01:51:05.000 Sexist! 1.00

01:51:05.000 Anti-gay! 1.00

01:51:06.000 He had this whole thing that he was screaming out. 0.97

01:51:08.000 And then he sees these black guys walking towards him and he starts yelling out, Black Lives Matter!

01:51:12.000 Black Lives Matter!

01:51:13.000 He changed his rant. 1.00

01:51:18.000 Fucking douchebag. 1.00

01:51:19.000 It was so gross! 1.00

01:51:20.000 He was such a thin-boned liberal. 0.91

01:51:25.000 The kind of guy who would cry if they were camping and they ran out of water.

01:51:29.000 What are we going to do?

01:51:30.000 Just that guy.

01:51:31.000 A frail meek man.

01:51:33.000 He was so frail.

01:51:34.000 He was not just frail.

01:51:35.000 He was just everything about it.

01:51:37.000 The whole chant. 0.99

01:51:38.000 You know, first of all, This whole racist, sexist, anti-gay... 0.99

01:51:43.000 Let's just start with anti-gay. 0.98

01:51:45.000 Like, where?

01:51:45.000 Where's the evidence?

01:51:46.000 I mean, are you sure he's anti-gay?

01:51:48.000 Like, what has he done?

01:51:49.000 I don't think he cares.

01:51:51.000 I don't think he does either.

01:51:52.000 Unless it's making him money or losing him money.

01:51:54.000 There was the thing about people...

01:51:58.000 Trans rights to be able to use the restroom that they identify with You know that that was a hot-button subject and there was actual government support for people to use the bathroom that they identify with and Boy,

01:52:14.000 that is a tricky one.

01:52:15.000 That's one.

01:52:15.000 I'm not sure of either.

01:52:16.000 Yeah, I feel like that one there almost should be three bathrooms. 0.99

01:52:19.000 Yeah, like male female and who gives a fuck? 1.00

01:52:23.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:52:24.000 Or put them all as...

01:52:25.000 When you can have them all as single bathrooms, gender neutral, that's fine. 0.96

01:52:29.000 But then businesses go, yeah, but we have men in a woman's room, and it's like, we've just established these are the bathrooms. 1.00

01:52:34.000 Now what?

01:52:34.000 You want us to pay $100,000 to have a new bathroom put in?

01:52:37.000 Like, it's a big cost.

01:52:37.000 And there were a few people that were arrested.

01:52:39.000 A few guys who were arrested for saying they were transgender, and they were peeping and taking pictures of women.

01:52:44.000 Yeah.

01:52:45.000 You know, it's like...

01:52:46.000 There are creeps out there.

01:52:47.000 And that's scary.

01:52:49.000 Yeah, I mean, and then people say, and rightly so, well, those creeps should be punished on an individual basis.

01:52:54.000 Right.

01:52:54.000 But that puts that up to law enforcement, and then you have to have more resources to make sure that these guys aren't doing that, creeping around in female bathrooms and pretending to be transgender.

01:53:05.000 It's like...

01:53:06.000 Man, when you have an opening for creeps, they're gonna find their way through those cracks.

01:53:11.000 Yeah. 0.96

01:53:11.000 And that's not necessarily saying that because of creeps, you should punish transgender people, but... 0.96

01:53:17.000 It's one I'm not sure of the answer to.

01:53:19.000 No.

01:53:20.000 And I just don't know the answer.

01:53:21.000 Like, I don't like the law that they made.

01:53:23.000 What is North Carolina... 0.96

01:53:23.000 That's a little shitty, but I do... 0.96

01:53:25.000 What was the law in North Carolina that people were so upset about? 0.97

01:53:27.000 They just said that basically you have to use the men...

01:53:30.000 They just said you can't do it.

01:53:31.000 Whatever's on your birth certificate, right?

01:53:32.000 Yes.

01:53:33.000 Can you get that changed?

01:53:34.000 I think you can get your birth certificate changed.

01:53:36.000 That I don't know.

01:53:37.000 I don't know the answer to that.

01:53:38.000 See if you can.

01:53:39.000 Can you get the gender on your birth certificate changed?

01:53:42.000 Google that.

01:53:43.000 I think you can.

01:53:44.000 Maybe.

01:53:44.000 I think you can.

01:53:45.000 But is there a legit complaint?

01:53:48.000 Like, if women are in the locker room and someone is legitimately trans, is it odd for them to see somebody walking around with a cop?

01:53:54.000 Like, I could get where that would be weird and without being transphobic.

01:53:57.000 It's just not something you expect to see in a ladies room. 1.00

01:53:59.000 Majority of states permit the name and sex to be changed on a birth certificate, either through amending existing birth certificate or by issuing a new one.

01:54:06.000 Many states, however, require medical proof of sterilization by sex reassignment surgery.

01:54:13.000 What?!

01:54:14.000 Proof of sterilization by sex reassignment surgery in order to warrant a gender marker change.

01:54:20.000 That's a weird...

01:54:21.000 Yeah, you gotta get surgery for the state to agree with you?

01:54:23.000 But not just that.

01:54:25.000 Sterilization. 0.67

01:54:26.000 Well, by sex...

01:54:27.000 So you're sterilized by the reassignment surgery.

01:54:29.000 I know, but that's a weird way of describing it.

01:54:31.000 Many states, however, require medical proof of sterilization.

01:54:34.000 Because guess what?

01:54:36.000 Female to male does not make you sterile.

01:54:39.000 When women start taking male hormones, there was this guy with a beard and he was breastfeeding. 0.99

01:54:46.000 It was crazy.

01:54:47.000 He had gotten pregnant, gave birth, and was breastfeeding.

01:54:51.000 And then people were saying, well, what is this kid getting?

01:54:54.000 Like, what's going on? 1.00

01:54:56.000 I mean, this guy's taking exogenous hormones, and this kid is sucking on his tits, like... 1.00

01:55:00.000 Yeah, I wonder. 1.00

01:55:01.000 I don't know.

01:55:01.000 Maybe it's not bad for the baby, or maybe he's stopped.

01:55:03.000 I have no idea.

01:55:04.000 Yeah, I don't know either.

01:55:04.000 That's where it gets a little dicey.

01:55:06.000 And, you know, like, there's bigots in the country, but it's like, other people, it's like, alright, we're trying.

01:55:10.000 We're not...

01:55:11.000 Everyone's...

01:55:12.000 This is a tricky one. 0.96

01:55:13.000 People are just trying to learn what it is and get used to it, and science is not even 100%, so give people some fucking time to adjust. 0.98

01:55:20.000 Like, everyone who's not 100% on board is not trans-fucking-phobic. 0.99

01:55:23.000 Yeah. 0.98

01:55:23.000 Some people are. 0.98

01:55:24.000 Some people are. 0.88

01:55:25.000 But learn to differentiate that just because a guy says tranny sometimes doesn't mean he hates trans people who's transphobic. 0.76

01:55:30.000 Right. 0.94

01:55:31.000 Learn the difference.

01:55:31.000 When you're labeling everyone who's not 100% on board transphobic, you lose so many people who would be on your side.

01:55:36.000 Well, I think like many things with human beings, people are messy.

01:55:40.000 There's messy realities to all of us and I think that's that's what's going on with the whole transgender issue, too You know, I mean that's people are messy, you know It's just the whole thing is we we're weird man. 1.00

01:55:53.000 We're everything about us is weird from education to marriage to Gender relations to the the roles that we choose right like there's some fucking tweet that I saw today Oh, Smashing Social Justice. 0.90

01:56:08.000 This is what it was. 0.95

01:56:09.000 Go to Smashing Social Justice on Instagram.

01:56:12.000 And this is like, this just shows how bizarre the way people think.

01:56:15.000 There was a line in front of the women's room and no line in front of the men's room. 0.99

01:56:20.000 And I think the quote was more subtle patriarchy bullshit. 0.96

01:56:27.000 20 minute line in front of the women's room, no line in front of the men's room. 0.98

01:56:30.000 Like, no, that does nothing to do with the patriarchy.

01:56:34.000 That has to do with women need an individual stall. 1.00

01:56:38.000 It requires more, you know, more space.

01:56:42.000 Yeah.

01:56:43.000 Oh, no account?

01:56:44.000 Account's private?

01:56:44.000 It's a private.

01:56:45.000 Oh, wow, how weird.

01:56:47.000 They're probably getting a lot of hate.

01:56:48.000 Why don't you request?

01:56:49.000 Request to join. 1.00

01:56:50.000 You fuck? 1.00

01:56:52.000 You got locked out? 1.00

01:56:53.000 What?

01:56:54.000 I'm not logged in on this website.

01:56:55.000 Oh, okay, okay, okay.

01:56:56.000 That's interesting though that it's a private account.

01:56:58.000 It must be they get hated on by people.

01:57:01.000 That's funny.

01:57:01.000 Yeah, I tend not to.

01:57:03.000 It's funny on Twitter.

01:57:05.000 I've seen a few really annoying things in the last month or so, and they're not mentioning me and I'm not following them, so I don't address it.

01:57:12.000 It's like they're not talking to me.

01:57:13.000 I kind of practice what I've always preached. 1.00

01:57:16.000 If you're not following me, go fuck yourself. 1.00

01:57:18.000 I'm not talking to you. 1.00

01:57:19.000 Well, there's people that will say mean shit to you that aren't following you. 0.99

01:57:22.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, exactly. 0.99

01:57:24.000 And they try to get your attention.

01:57:25.000 But who are those people?

01:57:27.000 Like, why would anybody...

01:57:28.000 Unless you've done something egregious or you've put something out. 0.99

01:57:31.000 Like, say, like, if you wrote a book and, you know, like, trans people should all be shot and make the world a lot easier. 1.00

01:57:36.000 Sure, yeah, of course. 0.99

01:57:36.000 That's something that someone should address. 0.99

01:57:38.000 And them doing that and making a big deal out of it makes a lot of sense.

01:57:42.000 Yeah.

01:57:42.000 Putting their foot down.

01:57:43.000 But...

01:57:43.000 But again, it's like what we're talking about with that guy in the joke.

01:57:46.000 Like, people are not necessarily making points.

01:57:49.000 They're just looking to be offended.

01:57:51.000 Yeah.

01:57:52.000 Recreational outrage.

01:57:53.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:57:53.000 Like a dumb guy laying there on his side saying, so you're saying that this cock was bigger. 1.00

01:57:59.000 So you liked having sex with him? 1.00

01:58:00.000 I would walk them down logical steps just to get them to say painful shit. 1.00

01:58:05.000 That's what you would do? 1.00

01:58:05.000 Oh, boy, was I good. 1.00

01:58:06.000 And you would lie on your side?

01:58:08.000 Yes, if we were in bed, I remember being in bed with one girl in particular laying on my side just discussing it in Florida.

01:58:14.000 Literally painting her.

01:58:15.000 Do you ever see the clip of, and this is where Trump was not media savvy enough, where Chris Matthews I think was painted him into a corner about abortion, so should they be punished for having, like he just did, he's a smart dude, he just did a real media savvy guy thing.

01:58:29.000 That Trump, as a non-politician, didn't give a very good answer to, which was about abortion being illegal, and he logically walked him into a corner.

01:58:36.000 And then Trump had to go, like, the only answer was, yeah, they put him in jail. 1.00

01:58:39.000 So that's what I would do to them, but just to get them to say bad shit. 1.00

01:58:43.000 What a fucking idiot. 1.00

01:58:43.000 Did you see that one reporter that backed him into a corner when it came to the amount of electoral votes, like how big his electoral victory was? 1.00

01:58:51.000 I don't know.

01:58:52.000 Yeah, he was doing this thing that he does where he brags.

01:58:56.000 He's a braggadocious man. 1.00

01:58:58.000 But you can't do that once you're the fucking president. 1.00

01:59:00.000 You gotta change your ways. 1.00

01:59:01.000 And you gotta stop freewheeling.

01:59:03.000 He freewheels up there.

01:59:05.000 He does. 0.98

01:59:05.000 And you tie yourself up in knots and all the shit that he was allowed to get away with his whole life, now those become a liability. 0.98

01:59:12.000 And he was just talking about the Electoral College victory. 0.98

01:59:14.000 And this guy said, you said that you won by the largest margin in history.

01:59:18.000 In fact, that's not the case.

01:59:20.000 And then he goes, well, I meant by Republicans.

01:59:22.000 Because he says by Barack Obama.

01:59:24.000 And then he says, well, George Herbert Walker Bush won by a far larger margin than Obama won.

01:59:29.000 He says that.

01:59:30.000 And he's like, well, you will agree, though, that I won by a substantial number.

01:59:34.000 He just can't say he's wrong.

01:59:35.000 I did see that.

01:59:36.000 The guy was standing up in the press conference.

01:59:37.000 And he goes, oh, people told me that.

01:59:40.000 Sometimes you just got to go, I was wrong.

01:59:43.000 People don't mind when you're wrong.

01:59:44.000 Well, you shouldn't say it.

01:59:45.000 But the guy had a point.

01:59:46.000 The reporter had a really good point.

01:59:48.000 The point was, if you want to point at all these media outlets and say they're fake news and they're giving bad information, how can we listen to you when, in fact, you're giving bad information?

01:59:57.000 Yeah.

01:59:58.000 I mean, that was a great point.

02:00:00.000 Maybe because people don't let you off the hook, but if you say you're wrong about something...

02:00:05.000 Hey, I made a mistake.

02:00:06.000 Yeah.

02:00:06.000 People have a tendency to look at you and like you for that.

02:00:09.000 Yeah.

02:00:09.000 Because nobody thinks you didn't.

02:00:11.000 Of course.

02:00:12.000 Of course.

02:00:12.000 Everybody knows you did.

02:00:13.000 Own up to it.

02:00:14.000 We're all human.

02:00:15.000 No one's perfect.

02:00:16.000 I'm bad at that, though.

02:00:17.000 As a person, I'm bad at that.

02:00:18.000 So I'm saying that he should do it.

02:00:19.000 I think everybody's bad at it.

02:00:20.000 Well, I shouldn't say everyone.

02:00:22.000 A great many of us are very bad at that.

02:00:24.000 Yeah.

02:00:24.000 It's a very hard thing to admit, especially if you feel like you're being challenged.

02:00:28.000 It's very hard to admit that you're wrong.

02:00:30.000 Yeah, like to just go, hey man, I made an error. 1.00

02:00:32.000 Fuck. 1.00

02:00:32.000 Yeah, I shouldn't have done that. 1.00

02:00:33.000 Yeah, but it's that feeling like I lost the exchange.

02:00:36.000 Yep.

02:00:36.000 Instead of winning, I lost.

02:00:37.000 Gotta learn how to lose.

02:00:39.000 Yeah.

02:00:39.000 That's one of the good things about Jiu-Jitsu.

02:00:41.000 You learn how to lose.

02:00:42.000 You do, right?

02:00:43.000 You have to.

02:00:43.000 Everybody's tapping you.

02:00:45.000 You get tapped all the time, especially in the beginning.

02:00:47.000 Yeah, I said I'm going to take jiu-jitsu, and I'm only going to take it until I get tapped.

02:00:50.000 Then I'm finished.

02:00:50.000 You're taking it for one day, then.

02:00:52.000 Yeah.

02:00:52.000 No, I really want to do it.

02:00:53.000 It really wasn't an issue of being tired.

02:00:55.000 It's like you walk into a place, you get a vibe, and Matt walked me in.

02:00:58.000 Matt's just the mayor.

02:01:00.000 Sure.

02:01:00.000 Everyone loves this guy.

02:01:02.000 The governor, even.

02:01:03.000 Oh, he's so great.

02:01:03.000 The governor of jiu-jitsu state.

02:01:04.000 He really is, and they love him.

02:01:06.000 Everybody does.

02:01:07.000 He's probably the most genuine guy. 0.98

02:01:09.000 There's no bullshit in this guy. 0.96

02:01:11.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:01:12.000 I love Matt because he hates bullies. 0.99

02:01:14.000 He fucking hates bullies. 0.99

02:01:16.000 He's one of those guys who just doesn't tolerate a guy who... 1.00

02:01:19.000 Well, he's a short guy. 0.99

02:01:20.000 Probably people fucked with him when he was younger. 0.99

02:01:22.000 Yeah, he said that too. 0.99

02:01:22.000 He got picked on. 0.99

02:01:23.000 He just can't stand it.

02:01:24.000 A lot of guys, that's what leads them to martial arts in the first place.

02:01:27.000 Georges St-Pierre, the same thing.

02:01:30.000 Just tired of being bullied. 0.99

02:01:31.000 Yeah, tired of people fucking with him, you know? 0.98

02:01:34.000 Well, he walked me in Henzo's place, and I really liked the energy in there. 0.98

02:01:37.000 The people he introduced me to are so nice.

02:01:39.000 So it's something I'm going to do.

02:01:41.000 Well, Henzo's place, sorry to interrupt you, but it's one of the best places in the world, and it's in your neighborhood.

02:01:45.000 I know, it's not far.

02:01:46.000 It's a few minutes.

02:01:47.000 It's one of the best in the world.

02:01:49.000 People travel from other countries to come and train in Henzo's.

02:01:52.000 They do.

02:01:53.000 A hundred percent.

02:01:53.000 John Donaher was one of the guys there.

02:01:56.000 He is a fucking genius. 0.97

02:01:58.000 He is one of the most respected guys in jiu-jitsu today. 0.99

02:02:01.000 And what they call the Donaher death squad, like all those guys like Gary Tonin and Eddie Cummins.

02:02:07.000 There's so many really great jiu-jitsu players that he's training and mentoring.

02:02:14.000 In that one gym.

02:02:16.000 That one place, Henzo's place, is absolutely one of the most respected places in the world.

02:02:21.000 And I think today or yesterday is Henzo's birthday, so happy birthday, Henzo Gracie.

02:02:24.000 I've never met him.

02:02:25.000 Great guy.

02:02:25.000 He's come out unfiltered a couple of times.

02:02:27.000 He's amazing.

02:02:28.000 And Matt will bring him in as a co-host, but I've never actually sat down.

02:02:30.000 Oh, really?

02:02:30.000 Oh, that's awesome.

02:02:31.000 Yeah, I want to sit with him.

02:02:33.000 But I really liked the energy and the people were very nice.

02:02:35.000 And it was like, you know, you walk into a place, like, I could see myself being here or I couldn't.

02:02:39.000 But I didn't feel nervous or uncomfortable.

02:02:41.000 I mean, this is a place I could come and learn this.

02:02:43.000 Like, I would love to. 0.96

02:02:44.000 Plus, when you talk about it, even though I talk about it, I'm not a fucking expert on it.

02:02:47.000 Like, you want to know from experience what certain things feel like. 0.90

02:02:50.000 And it would make me more knowledgeable.

02:02:52.000 Well, you were always having people strangle you.

02:02:53.000 Just for the feeling, to see it.

02:02:55.000 But I respected it so much more after that.

02:02:57.000 Like, when you feel... 1.00

02:02:59.000 Ken Velasquez puts a fucking guillotine choker. 1.00

02:03:03.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:03:04.000 For a second, you're like, oh.

02:03:06.000 And the fact that guys do that...

02:03:08.000 With the intention of hurting you and choking you out in a real fight.

02:03:12.000 Staggers me. 0.99

02:03:13.000 Yeah.

02:03:13.000 Like when Jon Jones...

02:03:14.000 The worst one I took was fucking Jones. 0.99

02:03:16.000 That big Jon Jones shin in my leg. 1.00

02:03:19.000 But I told you, I felt like I had to shit. 0.99

02:03:21.000 My body... 0.99

02:03:22.000 This video of it, I was very fat when that happened. 1.00

02:03:25.000 It was a fat fuck. 1.00

02:03:26.000 And I literally... 1.00

02:03:27.000 I was...

02:03:28.000 My body just...

02:03:30.000 Here it is right here.

02:03:30.000 Here it is.

02:03:31.000 Give me some volume.

02:03:33.000 Two and three. 0.96

02:03:54.000 You know what's fucked up about that? 0.97

02:03:57.000 I mean, he barely hit you. 0.98

02:03:58.000 He didn't put full strength in it.

02:03:59.000 Not at all.

02:04:00.000 That was like fight week.

02:04:01.000 Sometimes don't get them on fight week to do it because they're a bit ordering.

02:04:03.000 Right, they're amped up.

02:04:04.000 Cutting weight and not happy.

02:04:05.000 But he didn't even hit you hard.

02:04:06.000 He didn't even hit you hard.

02:04:07.000 Oh, he's going to choke you in this one? 0.70

02:04:08.000 You can tell by the different outfit.

02:04:09.000 This was a second appearance.

02:04:09.000 Oh, this is horrible.

02:04:10.000 The way he's doing that, that's a horrible choke.

02:04:14.000 Oh, that's horrible.

02:04:15.000 Oh, that's horrible.

02:04:17.000 How was that, Jimmy?

02:04:19.000 That's a horrible choke.

02:04:20.000 Because he's going...

02:04:21.000 That's an esophagus-style guillotine choke. 0.99

02:04:24.000 Because he's using the bone of the forearm across the front of your neck.

02:04:29.000 Yes, he was.

02:04:29.000 That's the worst.

02:04:30.000 That's the most painful of the guillotine chokes.

02:04:33.000 Yeah, he did it, and...

02:04:35.000 The kick, though, hurt me.

02:04:36.000 The leg one.

02:04:38.000 I felt like I had to go to the bathroom.

02:04:40.000 Actually, I felt like I was going to vomit.

02:04:42.000 I had to go to the bathroom and splash water on myself.

02:04:45.000 I literally had to put water on my face because I was like, I might pass out.

02:04:48.000 It was because my body had not been...

02:04:50.000 It was like a shock to the system.

02:04:51.000 And I hadn't felt that before.

02:04:53.000 Well, your nerves, too.

02:04:54.000 It slams into that meat of your thigh.

02:04:58.000 And all those nerves that run down the side of your leg are all impacted.

02:05:01.000 And your whole system just gets jacked.

02:05:03.000 Dude, but then you watch someone like Edson Barbosa kicking people like that a lot.

02:05:07.000 And I'm like, this is a guy standing there who knows this is coming.

02:05:11.000 He takes it and he continues.

02:05:14.000 Well, that's a different thing because you're so pumped up with adrenaline.

02:05:16.000 You're in the middle of the fight.

02:05:17.000 I mean, those guys are in agony afterwards, though, for sure.

02:05:19.000 They're walking out of there in deep, deep, deep pain.

02:05:22.000 But to have felt any remote, even if it's a 10%, to have felt that at all and then know that when he's doing that because he wants to fucking put you out, he's doing 100%.

02:05:32.000 You know what you should do?

02:05:33.000 You should do it for your show, where you, like, decide to...

02:05:37.000 Like, if you filmed it, if you filmed, like, your first day at Henzo's, and, like, do it on that, like, for a YouTube channel, and go out there and...

02:05:46.000 Do you have a YouTube channel?

02:05:47.000 You have your own YouTube channel?

02:05:48.000 Yeah, I don't do much with it.

02:05:49.000 I do more on the radio shows one now, just because we put our episodes up.

02:05:52.000 This would be a good opportunity to do it, though.

02:05:55.000 Have someone come and film you taking your first class and have someone, you know, put it together, make a 10-minute little video out of it and you talking about what it's like to take your first jiu-jitsu class and then commit to it and do it three times a week.

02:06:05.000 Yeah, I would like to do that because a couple days I could do it right after the gym.

02:06:09.000 Yeah.

02:06:09.000 Well, don't do that.

02:06:10.000 Oh, I shouldn't?

02:06:11.000 No, no.

02:06:12.000 You'll be too tired.

02:06:13.000 You're going to lift weights and then go do jiu-jitsu? 1.00

02:06:15.000 You're going to get fucked up. 1.00

02:06:17.000 I do the gym four days a week. 1.00

02:06:19.000 Four days a week?

02:06:20.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

02:06:20.000 That's amazing.

02:06:21.000 Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, Friday.

02:06:22.000 That's awesome.

02:06:23.000 That's really good, man.

02:06:24.000 That's really good.

02:06:25.000 Yeah, I'm scheduled.

02:06:26.000 I go right after radio.

02:06:28.000 Oh, okay.

02:06:28.000 And then, well, if you did jiu-jitsu at night, that'd be fine.

02:06:32.000 If you give yourself a few hours to recover.

02:06:33.000 Yeah, I taught with stand-up though.

02:06:35.000 My schedule stinks. 1.00

02:06:36.000 I'm up at 7 on the air at 8 to 11, fucking the gym. 1.00

02:06:39.000 You have a crazy schedule. 0.99

02:06:41.000 I filter two days a week.

02:06:42.000 Why did you decide to do morning radio again?

02:06:44.000 Didn't you guys have the opportunity to do it in the afternoon?

02:06:47.000 We wanted the mornings.

02:06:48.000 There's more people listening in the morning.

02:06:49.000 But it's also because I became so used to it that I wound up, when I travel, there's travel days, man, that I would miss.

02:06:57.000 If I have to leave Thursday for a Friday gig, I don't want to miss Thursday and Friday's show.

02:07:00.000 And the guests are better in the morning.

02:07:02.000 Got it.

02:07:03.000 The better guest is more people in the building.

02:07:05.000 Right.

02:07:05.000 But afternoons is fun.

02:07:07.000 Sam and I pre-taped last night for this morning show just because I was so fucking tired.

02:07:10.000 I knew I was coming here and I just wanted to do it.

02:07:13.000 It's hard to get good guests in the afternoon?

02:07:15.000 Yes.

02:07:16.000 Really?

02:07:16.000 Because a lot of times the good guests that you're going to get in New York, they're doing Fallon, they're doing Colbert.

02:07:23.000 So by three or four o'clock, they're Amping up to go over to the studio.

02:07:26.000 Oh, Colbert's in New York, too?

02:07:28.000 He is, yeah.

02:07:28.000 He's in Leatherman's old studio.

02:07:29.000 Oh, okay, yeah.

02:07:30.000 And Seth Meyers, too, right?

02:07:31.000 Seth Meyers.

02:07:32.000 And they will get good guests, but it's just, we get, I'd say, 70% more people are coming through in the morning.

02:07:38.000 Plus, Howard's in the morning.

02:07:39.000 Right.

02:07:39.000 So, like, sometimes people come in to do him, or they'll do this or that.

02:07:42.000 Andy Cohen's got a show.

02:07:44.000 Right, right, right.

02:07:46.000 Plus, it makes me feel like I can go to the gym. 0.99

02:07:49.000 If you let me sleep all day, I'll end up getting up at fucking 1.30. 0.98

02:07:52.000 I'll be on the air by 3 till 7, and then I'll go fucking do spots, and I'm up all night on the computer. 0.98

02:07:57.000 I'm up to no good if I have all that time. 0.90

02:08:00.000 You know what I mean?

02:08:01.000 Because you can't go take jiu-jitsu at 1.30 in the morning.

02:08:04.000 If that was an option...

02:08:05.000 Right.

02:08:06.000 I'd do afternoons, go take jiu-jitsu.

02:08:08.000 Well, New York City seems like there would be a place where you could do jiu-jitsu in the 1 o'clock in the afternoon, or 1 o'clock in the morning, rather.

02:08:13.000 Once I'm up, I just gotta go.

02:08:15.000 Like, Monday, Monday's my busiest. 0.97

02:08:17.000 It's fucking radio, gym, unfiltered, and I'm home by, like... 0.98

02:08:21.000 3 or 3.30 in the afternoon. 0.99

02:08:23.000 So I feel like I get a lot done.

02:08:24.000 And do you go out that night and do stand-up on Monday nights?

02:08:27.000 Monday I'll do two sets because there's a regular set at the Cellar and around the corner they have New Joke Night.

02:08:32.000 Will Silvins runs New Joke Night.

02:08:33.000 It's a great show.

02:08:34.000 Oh, nice.

02:08:35.000 So how many nights a week are you doing stand-up?

02:08:36.000 Six or seven.

02:08:38.000 Whoa! 0.71

02:08:38.000 Yeah, almost every night. 0.71

02:08:40.000 Wow.

02:08:40.000 Because I'm working on, because the special comes out today.

02:08:43.000 Oh, that's right, that's right.

02:08:44.000 And I started, I shot in December, so I've been since December working on material just to get it.

02:08:51.000 So now I'm like, wow, I got a new 35, you know.

02:08:53.000 Right, right, right.

02:08:54.000 I just drop it as soon as I'm done, I shoot. 0.92

02:08:56.000 Yeah, me too.

02:08:58.000 I'm sick of it, right?

02:08:58.000 By that point, you're like, oh, enough.

02:09:00.000 Jerry Seinfeld did the improv the other night and did 20-year-old jokes.

02:09:05.000 Did a set, did a couple of new bits, and then he did jokes from like 20 years ago.

02:09:09.000 Did he really?

02:09:09.000 Yeah, and a couple of my friends were in the audience.

02:09:11.000 They're like, what is he doing?

02:09:13.000 Like, why is he doing these jokes that everybody knows?

02:09:15.000 And I guess in his eyes, they're like classic songs.

02:09:18.000 Yeah.

02:09:18.000 You know, it's like you go to see the Beatles, you want to hear them.

02:09:20.000 I don't know why I said the Beatles.

02:09:21.000 They're all dead.

02:09:22.000 Yeah, pick someone on the better, Leonard Skiddard.

02:09:25.000 Guns N' Roses.

02:09:26.000 They're dead too, but... 0.99

02:09:28.000 If you go to see, you know, whatever, whoever the fuck it is, you expect to hear the classics, I guess. 0.97

02:09:33.000 Maybe it's different when you're a guy from a different era. 0.94

02:09:35.000 He's from a different era than we are.

02:09:37.000 Well, plus songs don't have to catch you off guard.

02:09:38.000 Jokes do.

02:09:39.000 That's why jokes don't work forever.

02:09:40.000 Right.

02:09:41.000 Because a song you hear and you become familiar with and you learn the lyrics, you know?

02:09:43.000 Yeah, and you like it.

02:09:44.000 You like it more.

02:09:45.000 You want to hear, I mean, songs repeat themselves.

02:09:48.000 Doug Stanhope has a great bit about that. 0.98

02:09:50.000 He has a great bit about songs being fucking lazy. 0.98

02:09:52.000 It's really funny. 0.98

02:09:54.000 You have to hear it.

02:09:55.000 He says like the same punchline over and over and over again, and then he just... 0.93

02:09:59.000 I don't want to give away the actual way he sets up the bit, but it's fucking really funny. 0.91

02:10:02.000 That's very funny. 0.66

02:10:03.000 And it's true. 1.00

02:10:04.000 Yeah, but some guys, they don't want to let go of that shit. 1.00

02:10:08.000 They don't want to let go of that old stuff. 1.00

02:10:09.000 No, they feel comfortable.

02:10:12.000 Well, Jerry has always said, and I don't know him, but I mean, I don't know him well.

02:10:15.000 I know him.

02:10:16.000 He said he thinks that people come for the act and not the performer.

02:10:20.000 And maybe at one point they did.

02:10:22.000 They want to see your act.

02:10:23.000 I think Leno feels that way, too.

02:10:24.000 They come to see the jokes.

02:10:25.000 In a way, that's true, but I also think that once they know your jokes, they want new jokes from the personality they like.

02:10:30.000 Yeah, like Seinfeld did that, I'm telling you, for the last time.

02:10:34.000 Yes.

02:10:34.000 Where he did a whole hour special of old jokes.

02:10:37.000 Yeah, that he was done with.

02:10:38.000 Yeah, but that was like, those are jokes, again, they were 20-year-old bits.

02:10:42.000 And I don't think that special was well-received.

02:10:44.000 I honestly don't know.

02:10:45.000 I don't think I saw it.

02:10:45.000 I understand why you'd want to do that if you want to make some money.

02:10:49.000 But it doesn't feel good to do it. 0.99

02:10:51.000 And when I see him do new shit, it's like his new stuff kills. 1.00

02:10:53.000 What the fuck are you doing? 1.00

02:10:54.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:10:54.000 You know, when he goes up and just starts working on things, you see he's a fucking really good comic. 1.00

02:10:59.000 He's a great comic. 0.97

02:11:00.000 There's no doubt about it.

02:11:01.000 But I think his idea is different than the idea of the current guys.

02:11:04.000 And maybe in a bit, he's resisting this new trend.

02:11:07.000 It's the trend that everybody does.

02:11:09.000 Well, it's Burr or CK or you.

02:11:11.000 Everybody releases a special and then abandon the material.

02:11:14.000 I do it.

02:11:15.000 Ari does it. 1.00

02:11:16.000 Everybody I know does it.

02:11:17.000 And then there's a few guys that just don't release specials.

02:11:20.000 They just don't.

02:11:21.000 And they have, like, really old material.

02:11:23.000 Like, I know a few guys that are, like, really good comics, but they just don't put out specials.

02:11:29.000 Because they want to keep doing the act.

02:11:31.000 They just don't want to be committed also to recording.

02:11:36.000 There's a lot of pressure to batten everything down and tighten it up and then get ready to release it.

02:11:41.000 Ready, press play, record, go!

02:11:45.000 There's a lot of pressure in that.

02:11:47.000 I love doing it until I'm finished.

02:11:48.000 Amy did it weird. 0.98

02:11:49.000 She did her special, and then she toured until the special aired.

02:11:53.000 So now she has to start over.

02:11:54.000 For me, as soon as it was shot, I wanted it done.

02:11:57.000 So by the time it airs, there's some.

02:11:58.000 I couldn't wait to not say those things anymore. 0.94

02:12:01.000 I couldn't fucking wait. 1.00

02:12:02.000 To not say that shit, man. 1.00

02:12:04.000 I just wanted it finished. 1.00

02:12:05.000 Yeah, everybody's got their own way of doing it.

02:12:08.000 You know, but I think the point is that in this day and age, the public demands content.

02:12:13.000 Sure.

02:12:14.000 You have to put it out.

02:12:15.000 And you're putting out a lot of content anyway because you have your radio show, you have your podcast.

02:12:18.000 You know, I remember you used to write a lot of blogs and you used to be pretty prolific with blogs.

02:12:24.000 That was because we were off the radio and I was blogging all these sections.

02:12:28.000 That actually became Happy Endings, the first book.

02:12:30.000 It was all these blogs I wrote about things I was doing and I had nowhere...

02:12:34.000 I started writing again recently.

02:12:35.000 I really want to do another book.

02:12:37.000 I had a sexual experience with this girl and I just had to write after it because it was...

02:12:42.000 It was really weird and intimate and sexy and yet...

02:12:45.000 What happened?

02:12:46.000 I just felt connected.

02:12:48.000 I felt really connected.

02:12:49.000 No drugs.

02:12:50.000 No drugs.

02:12:51.000 And then she texted me from the elevator and said, which one is the lobby?

02:12:57.000 And I realized what a dope I had just had a second experience with.

02:13:00.000 Which one is the lobby?

02:13:01.000 The L. The one that says L. I am not kidding you that she asked which one was the lobby and she wasn't joking.

02:13:08.000 Innocent mistake.

02:13:10.000 Super innocent.

02:13:11.000 I had to write.

02:13:12.000 I had to write it. 0.99

02:13:13.000 I'm not good at going back and grabbing shit. 0.99

02:13:16.000 Maybe that's the radio training where you're just alive or we're talking. 0.99

02:13:19.000 But I had to do it in the moment and just write it.

02:13:21.000 I'm good at writing then, but I'm not good at going back and going, wow, two years ago when this happened and people asked about the O.B. Anthony show, I'm like, I'm not good at going back and writing all that shit because the emotion for it has passed. 0.88

02:13:29.000 Do you ever try those transcription software programs where you talk and it just records what you're saying? 0.96

02:13:35.000 I have it on the phone.

02:13:36.000 I'll hit Siri, but I do use that a lot. 0.91

02:13:38.000 I used to write for Time once in a while, and I would just talk out the whole fucking article because I'm not good at starting.

02:13:44.000 And all of a sudden, I'm good at organizing and editing. 0.93

02:13:47.000 But I yapped it out already.

02:13:48.000 What were you writing for Time magazine?

02:13:50.000 They would ask me to write about...

02:13:52.000 The first article I wrote, I wish I didn't write, actually, about prostitution.

02:13:56.000 LAUGHTER Why do you wish he didn't write it?

02:13:59.000 Because there are certain things I said.

02:14:02.000 I wish I had said it smarter.

02:14:04.000 I wish I had been clearer.

02:14:05.000 Because I was talking about how John shouldn't be embarrassed.

02:14:08.000 And in a way, I agree with that.

02:14:09.000 But there were certain things that people in the sex industry who had been victims of trafficking and stuff.

02:14:14.000 I should have probably addressed that better.

02:14:16.000 There is a big difference between trafficking and a woman who just decides to... 1.00

02:14:21.000 Have sex with guys for money and there are a lot of those women and feminists don't want to admit those women exist Because they so for them they'll push up the trafficking numbers because it's a stronger argument against prostitution It's like right I get it the trafficker should be executed and save the people who are being trafficked But if someone makes a decision and they just want to do it Well, 1.00

02:14:41.000 there's one friend of mine who's an artist and she's a feminist and she's actually pretty successful and she's actually talked pretty openly about when she was younger she would do stuff like that. 0.99

02:14:49.000 Where she would fuck older rich guys for money. 1.00

02:14:53.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:14:54.000 And she's like, there's nothing wrong with it.

02:14:55.000 Like, I chose to do it.

02:14:57.000 I did it because it was a great way for me to pay my bills.

02:14:59.000 It was easy. 0.99

02:15:00.000 These are guys I chose to have sex with. 0.99

02:15:02.000 They were nice guys. 1.00

02:15:03.000 I'd fuck them. 1.00

02:15:04.000 I'd take the money. 1.00

02:15:04.000 And she'd make, you know, I don't know, whatever the pay was, a thousand bucks, whatever the fuck it is. 1.00

02:15:09.000 And she could get that in a couple hours rather than working for an entire week. 0.89

02:15:15.000 Or more, probably.

02:15:16.000 More than a week back.

02:15:17.000 And it's the same group of people that are saying, you shouldn't be ashamed of sex and keep your laws off my body are the same ones that are saying, if you're getting paid for it, you should be ashamed of it and I should be able to legislate. 0.98

02:15:26.000 It's so silly. 0.99

02:15:26.000 It's silly. 0.99

02:15:27.000 It's all silly because, first of all, should you be ashamed if you massage people? 0.99

02:15:31.000 Because you give them a back rub? 0.95

02:15:33.000 Right.

02:15:33.000 Is that shameful?

02:15:34.000 No.

02:15:35.000 That's a very respected thing.

02:15:36.000 If someone tells you they're a massage therapist, oh, you're making people feel good.

02:15:39.000 What do you do? 1.00

02:15:40.000 I just rub dicks. 1.00

02:15:41.000 I'm really good at rubbing dicks and guys like it. 1.00

02:15:43.000 Oh! 0.99

02:15:43.000 They probably feel real good. 0.99

02:15:45.000 But no, when it comes to pleasure, we don't allow pleasure in the genital area. 0.98

02:15:49.000 We're like, oh, that's the dirty, naughty pressure. 0.99

02:15:52.000 I don't go to Asian massage places.

02:15:54.000 You don't?

02:15:55.000 No, or Russian. 0.53

02:15:56.000 Because they feel like those, to me, are more... 1.00

02:15:59.000 Sex slaves? 0.99

02:16:01.000 I don't like the energy there. 0.99

02:16:02.000 I'm very rarely gone.

02:16:03.000 I've gotten maybe two in my life in those places, and I don't go, ever.

02:16:07.000 I will not go to massage places. 0.99

02:16:09.000 You're an ethical pervert. 0.99

02:16:11.000 I feel like I like to... 0.92

02:16:13.000 And I know that there are certain women that do it because I've had a couple of women I dated, legitimately dated, that wound up doing stuff like that for money after that they told me about. 0.99

02:16:23.000 Like, really?

02:16:25.000 And had never been my dynamic with them.

02:16:26.000 So I know for 100% of the fact they weren't being pimped at force.

02:16:29.000 I know they weren't.

02:16:29.000 Right.

02:16:30.000 But I don't like...

02:16:32.000 A massage place where I think somebody has to do it.

02:16:34.000 Like, it doesn't, again, that's just sad to me.

02:16:37.000 Like, we're a Russian place where I think that they're being brought over for these reasons. 1.00

02:16:40.000 Right, right, right.

02:16:41.000 Yeah.

02:16:42.000 If I'm talking to a girl, I get contacted with social media all the time.

02:16:46.000 And if I've talked to her, I find out she's Russian.

02:16:48.000 And not to be racist, Russian girls are hot! 1.00

02:16:51.000 But I start to doubt what the...

02:16:53.000 Like I talked to one girl off a website, and I wasn't game right away, and she got a little weird.

02:16:59.000 I'm like, are you being forced to do this?

02:17:00.000 And she was like, oh, no, no, I'll talk to you later.

02:17:02.000 We just never spoke again.

02:17:03.000 But I'm like, it was just weird.

02:17:05.000 It wasn't sexy.

02:17:06.000 So you think she was setting you up?

02:17:07.000 I don't know.

02:17:07.000 It's just not a sexy energy.

02:17:09.000 Not even setting me up, but maybe someone was doing it so she had to pay back something. 0.85

02:17:12.000 I don't know.

02:17:13.000 But that's not a sexy energy.

02:17:14.000 That's a sad energy.

02:17:15.000 Yeah, that's interesting.

02:17:16.000 That's interesting.

02:17:17.000 So you definitely clearly differentiate. 0.99

02:17:19.000 Yeah, you're an ethical pervert. 0.97

02:17:21.000 There's nothing wrong with that. 0.98

02:17:22.000 Yeah, I mean...

02:17:23.000 You're a good guy.

02:17:24.000 Yeah, I just...

02:17:24.000 I don't like the idea of...

02:17:25.000 But I think everybody should look at it that way.

02:17:27.000 It's almost like...

02:17:28.000 But people get married just for money.

02:17:30.000 Like, how many people get married? 0.99

02:17:31.000 It's like, what are you, just a hooker with one client? 0.99

02:17:34.000 I mean, is that what you are? 1.00

02:17:35.000 Fuck yeah, dude. 1.00

02:17:36.000 I met this woman the other day. 1.00

02:17:37.000 She was like 40 years old, hot as fuck. 1.00

02:17:40.000 Her husband looks like he's about 70. He's got terrible posture. 1.00

02:17:44.000 He's leaning over. 1.00

02:17:45.000 He stepped out of a fucking badass Bentley or whatever the fuck it was. 1.00

02:17:49.000 Some beautiful car. 1.00

02:17:50.000 And you're like, Oh, okay.

02:17:52.000 I see what's going on there.

02:17:52.000 Yeah.

02:17:53.000 No worries.

02:17:54.000 I mean, maybe he's got the best personality ever, but the dude looked like he was just falling asleep while he was walking.

02:17:58.000 Yeah, you know what that's about. 0.99

02:17:59.000 It's a real rich, older guy who got some hot piece of ass who was younger than him by at least 30 years. 0.99

02:18:06.000 And they're both getting what they want. 1.00

02:18:08.000 She wants a guy who maybe talks to her nicely and isn't some young guy that's fucking, you know, acting like an asshole who can take care of her. 1.00

02:18:14.000 He wants a young, beautiful... 1.00

02:18:15.000 Like, as long as you're both honest and respectful, who cares? 0.84

02:18:18.000 It is a form of prostitution. 0.97

02:18:20.000 Sure it is.

02:18:20.000 It is absolutely...

02:18:21.000 A lot of marriages are a form of prostitution. 0.75

02:18:24.000 People just don't want to admit it because they think that prostitution is bad. 1.00

02:18:27.000 Sex for money is bad.

02:18:28.000 But, like, there's a lot of people that are engaged in some sexual relations with people that are only doing it for money.

02:18:34.000 How many women try to trap basketball players? 1.00

02:18:37.000 Oh, yeah. 1.00

02:18:38.000 So you're a prostitute. 1.00

02:18:39.000 If you try to trap a ball player and get pregnant, you want the money. 1.00

02:18:41.000 That's prostitution. 1.00

02:18:42.000 Well, it's a payday. 0.55

02:18:43.000 They want a kid. 1.00

02:18:45.000 They want some dick. 1.00

02:18:46.000 They want some cash. 1.00

02:18:47.000 It's a package deal.

02:18:48.000 It's a beautiful package deal.

02:18:49.000 Look, you can't get a better package than getting knocked up by an NBA guy.

02:18:52.000 I mean, Jesus Christ.

02:18:53.000 Who wouldn't take a load from LeBron?

02:18:55.000 You're never going to ask him to put a bag on. 0.98

02:18:56.000 You're crazy if you do.

02:18:59.000 A lot of money, you know?

02:19:00.000 And there's nothing he can sign where if you have a kid, you won't get money.

02:19:04.000 He can't sign away that kid's right to his money.

02:19:06.000 As soon as they came out with genetic testing, boy, that changed the game.

02:19:10.000 Yes, it did.

02:19:11.000 No one denying.

02:19:12.000 Changed the game. 0.98

02:19:13.000 Yeah, you're going to tell me fucking Ty Cobb didn't lie about a few of them? 0.98

02:19:16.000 I'm sure. 0.98

02:19:17.000 You know where Ted Williams?

02:19:18.000 Doesn't even look like me!

02:19:19.000 Good point, Ted.

02:19:21.000 I know.

02:19:22.000 Those guys probably dump loads into gals all over the country. 1.00

02:19:24.000 No way.

02:19:25.000 How are you going to find out?

02:19:26.000 How would you find out?

02:19:27.000 Who's she going to tell?

02:19:28.000 Who is she going to tell? 0.99

02:19:30.000 I fucked Ty Cobb in some way. 0.99

02:19:32.000 You know, it's a different game, man. 0.98

02:19:34.000 Babe Ruth. 0.97

02:19:34.000 A lot of fat-faced little babies running around there. 0.97

02:19:36.000 They probably are. 0.97

02:19:37.000 Little legs moving quick.

02:19:39.000 Little Babe Ruth legs moving.

02:19:41.000 It's so funny when you look back at Babe Ruth. 0.98

02:19:43.000 That body that he had was so ridiculous. 1.00

02:19:45.000 His fat gut and Fat Gut. 1.00

02:19:47.000 Eating hot dogs, drinking beer. 0.87

02:19:49.000 Good picture, though.

02:19:50.000 He's a real multifaceted player.

02:19:52.000 And I love the quote in Cobb.

02:19:54.000 It ran pretty well for Fat Man.

02:19:55.000 That was the only nice thing you could say about Babe Ruth. 0.94

02:19:58.000 Cobb is one of the most underrated films ever, by the way, with fucking Robert Wool and Tommy Lee Jones as Ty Cobb. 0.87

02:20:05.000 It's a good movie. 0.75

02:20:06.000 Probably fairly accurate.

02:20:08.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:20:09.000 I mean, you think of how cunty a lot of athletes are, and especially back then, with really very few repercussions for being a piece of shit. 1.00

02:20:16.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:20:17.000 It really wouldn't get out.

02:20:18.000 And I won't say the quote, but it's got, arguably, the best quote in movie history, which I'll tell you after.

02:20:24.000 Why won't you tell me now?

02:20:25.000 It's just really vicious and racist, and I just don't want to deal with anything.

02:20:29.000 I know the one.

02:20:30.000 I know what you're talking about.

02:20:32.000 It's my favorite quote ever.

02:20:34.000 There's no way to squeeze it in the conversation.

02:20:36.000 But it's a funny... 0.99

02:20:38.000 It's just a funny fucking thing. 0.97

02:20:40.000 It's a funny thing, too, when you think about athletes and how competitive they have to be and how ruthless you have to be, you know, and then that sort of bleeds out into the rest of their life, you know, and it bleeds out into the way they deal with the fellow players, the way they deal with women, the way they deal with managers or anybody. 0.98

02:20:57.000 I mean, athletics is a ruthless, ruthless pursuit.

02:21:02.000 It is.

02:21:03.000 I mean, it just is.

02:21:04.000 Have you had Tyson on?

02:21:05.000 No.

02:21:06.000 Oh, he'd be great.

02:21:07.000 I would love to.

02:21:07.000 You've had him on your show, right?

02:21:08.000 A bunch, yeah.

02:21:09.000 And I'm sure he would do this if he was here.

02:21:10.000 He would love you.

02:21:11.000 I'm sure he does love you.

02:21:12.000 He loves UFC. Yeah, when I first met him, he was, yeah, you're that weed dude.

02:21:16.000 Yeah.

02:21:18.000 Yeah, he's awesome.

02:21:19.000 But he's a great athlete.

02:21:23.000 He's like kind of the personification of everything that can go right and everything that can go wrong.

02:21:27.000 And sort of balance out at the end.

02:21:29.000 I mean, he sort of achieves homeostasis at the end of his life.

02:21:32.000 What's that mean?

02:21:33.000 Balance.

02:21:34.000 I mean, he's at 50 years old.

02:21:36.000 He's gotten a family.

02:21:38.000 He's got this great new career where he does that one-man show and it's hugely successful.

02:21:43.000 He loves it.

02:21:45.000 There was a recent article in Sports Illustrated where he was talking about doing that one-man show and how excited he gets to do it and how fun it is.

02:21:52.000 He's amazing at it, too.

02:21:54.000 And then that documentary sort of revived him and then the one-man show came behind that.

02:21:59.000 So he's like in this new stage in his life where he's achieved this strange new balance, you know?

02:22:06.000 Like Foreman.

02:22:06.000 They always say Foreman.

02:22:08.000 When we were kings, it might have been Norman Mailer who said he was not a likable guy in the 70s.

02:22:14.000 Then he gets knocked out, he comes back, and he's a lovable guy.

02:22:18.000 Grill salesman, funny dude.

02:22:19.000 One of my favorite clips ever is him on The Tonight Show.

02:22:22.000 There's a clip of him talking to Johnny Carson in 1990 before he fought Alex Stewart.

02:22:27.000 It's like a minute ahead.

02:22:28.000 It's just a funny...

02:22:29.000 What a lovable, fun guy.

02:22:31.000 He was a different guy when he came back, for sure.

02:22:33.000 He became a preacher.

02:22:34.000 He ballooned up to well over 300 pounds.

02:22:37.000 And what's really interesting is he made his comeback.

02:22:39.000 I want to say he was 36 years old.

02:22:42.000 And everybody thought it was a joke.

02:22:43.000 He was hugely fat, like way, way, way overweight when he made his first comeback fight.

02:22:47.000 And I remember as a boxing fan, I was like, wow, that's kind of sad.

02:22:50.000 Look at him.

02:22:51.000 And then slowly but surely over time, his body trimmed down and he got more muscle and less fat. 0.98

02:22:58.000 And then he knocked Jerry Cooney the fuck out. 0.97

02:23:01.000 And when he did that, everybody went, whoa, he is for real. 0.99

02:23:04.000 Like, this is crazy.

02:23:06.000 Like, George Foreman, not only is he for real, he might be a better fighter than he was when he was young.

02:23:12.000 I remember when he fought Evander Holyfield, and he lost.

02:23:14.000 I think he lost the decision, if I remember correctly.

02:23:16.000 Yeah, he did.

02:23:17.000 And I love at the end, he said something about, this is for people over 40. Hip, hip, hooray!

02:23:22.000 That was such a great quote by George Foreman after losing.

02:23:25.000 Like, what a victory it was for age.

02:23:28.000 He knocked out Michael Moore.

02:23:30.000 I want to say he was 46 years old.

02:23:32.000 And Michael Moore was beating him and winning, and he hit him with a straight right hand on the chin, and Moore just flattened.

02:23:39.000 It was crazy.

02:23:40.000 I think he was the oldest guy to ever gain the heavyweight title at the time.

02:23:44.000 Who did he beat for the title?

02:23:45.000 Did he beat Michael Moore for the title?

02:23:46.000 I think he beat Michael Moore for the title.

02:23:48.000 Oh, and then he lost at the Holyfield?

02:23:49.000 Is that what happened?

02:23:49.000 I don't remember.

02:23:50.000 I think so.

02:23:50.000 Do I have time to piss one more time?

02:23:51.000 Sure.

02:23:51.000 Go ahead.

02:23:52.000 Piss one more time.

02:23:52.000 We'll wrap this thing up when you come back.

02:23:56.000 Find out how old George Foreman was when he won the heavyweight title.

02:24:01.000 And here's the thing, I don't think they had human growth, or if they did have human growth hormone, it wasn't really being used by boxers, I don't think.

02:24:07.000 They used to get human growth hormone from the pituitary glands of dead people.

02:24:12.000 He was 45. 45 when he won the title?

02:24:14.000 And beat 26-year-old Michael Moore.

02:24:16.000 Wow, Michael Moore was only 26 at the time. 0.93

02:24:18.000 Michael Moore was a murderer at light heavyweight.

02:24:21.000 He was one of the best light heavyweights ever.

02:24:23.000 But light heavyweight was too hard for him to make, so he went up to heavyweight.

02:24:27.000 And that was when he won the title.

02:24:30.000 And then who did he lose it to?

02:24:32.000 Did he lose it to Holyfield?

02:24:34.000 Lost to Tommy...

02:24:35.000 Tommy Morrison, too.

02:24:38.000 Lost a decision to Tommy Morrison.

02:24:39.000 It was like Tommy Morrison's biggest victory ever.

02:24:43.000 Yeah.

02:24:44.000 And that was like post...

02:24:45.000 The Morrison loss was just before he beat Michael Moore.

02:24:49.000 Really?

02:24:49.000 Interesting.

02:24:50.000 He lost to Shannon Briggs.

02:24:52.000 He lost a decision to Shannon Briggs, Shannon the Cannon, let's go champ.

02:24:56.000 And then, I feel like the...

02:24:59.000 Holyfield was before it too.

02:25:00.000 The Shannon fight, oh, it was before it as well.

02:25:02.000 Holyfield lost was 91, Morrison was...

02:25:06.000 What's the order of his fights?

02:25:09.000 So he had the Holyfield loss, the Morrison loss, and then right afterwards he got a shot at the title?

02:25:15.000 Yeah, that's what it says.

02:25:16.000 That's crazy.

02:25:16.000 Why would they give him a shot at the title right away after two losses?

02:25:19.000 The Morrison fight was for the vacant WBO heavyweight title, and then he won the WBA, IBF, and lineal heavyweight titles when he beat Michael Moore a year later.

02:25:28.000 Oh, okay, so Morrison beat him for the WBO title.

02:25:32.000 He lost that decision.

02:25:33.000 A lot of people thought that he should have won the Shannon Briggs fight, I believe.

02:25:36.000 Was it the Shannon Briggs fight or was it the Morrison fight?

02:25:39.000 I'd have to go back and look at it again.

02:25:40.000 I think maybe both of them were controversial.

02:25:43.000 But, uh, the Morrison, or the Morrero fight...

02:25:46.000 Morrison is an undisputed decision, and, uh, Briggs was a mixed, MD? Is that a mixed decision, or what is that?

02:25:51.000 Majority decision.

02:25:53.000 That was Briggs.

02:25:53.000 Yeah, the Briggs fight was the one I think that was controversial.

02:25:56.000 Who was that Shannon Briggs against?

02:25:57.000 Yeah, George Foreman.

02:25:58.000 Oh.

02:25:58.000 We're just going over the George Foreman career.

02:26:01.000 Let's wrap this up.

02:26:01.000 Yeah, this was fun, dude.

02:26:02.000 Always a good time, my brother!

02:26:04.000 I'm going to ask you one prediction.

02:26:06.000 Anthony Johnson against Cormier.

02:26:10.000 I do not have a prediction.

02:26:11.000 I never predict.

02:26:12.000 But I think that if it goes into the third, fourth, and fifth rounds, it's going to be really hard for Rumble to win.

02:26:18.000 I think Rumble's chances of winning the fight come early. 0.98

02:26:21.000 He's a goddamn short-term hurricane that rips the house right out of the foundation. 0.95

02:26:25.000 He's not necessarily a long, long storm. 0.99

02:26:30.000 I think what Rumble does is comes at you fast and hard, and he can go fast and hard better than anybody.

02:26:35.000 It's just really hard for him to go with that style more than three rounds.

02:26:39.000 The only time we've ever seen him do it three rounds, he beat Phil Davis.

02:26:43.000 He beat the shit out of him for three rounds, but Phil Davis wasn't threatening him.

02:26:49.000 He was fighting at his pace. 0.73

02:26:51.000 He was completely in control of that fight, and he won a clear-cut, unanimous decision.

02:26:55.000 Hurt Davis a bunch of times, and it was super dangerous.

02:26:57.000 Also, I feel like Rumble Johnson today is scarier than the Rumble Johnson that fought Phil Davis.

02:27:02.000 But Rumble, when he fought DC the first time, when he fought Cormier the first time, he was preparing for Jon Jones, so he's preparing for a different fight.

02:27:10.000 The fight was a last-minute replacement with Cormier.

02:27:13.000 And Cormier just out-wrestled him.

02:27:15.000 I mean, Daniel's one of the best wrestlers in the sport, period.

02:27:18.000 Out-wrestled him, and then eventually got his back and choked him.

02:27:20.000 I just think that it's a terrifying fight for Cormier. 1.00

02:27:25.000 Because this fucking guy hits so goddamn hard. 1.00

02:27:28.000 And if you make any mistakes, any mistakes, he lands a fucking nuclear bomb on your face. 1.00

02:27:34.000 I mean, it's... 1.00

02:27:36.000 There's very few people that scare fighters the way that Rumble does.

02:27:41.000 It's like that old school, I'm afraid, of being beaten up in the schoolyard.

02:27:46.000 When Khabib beat Michael Johnson the way he had him on the ground, that's how I would get beaten up.

02:27:51.000 That was so claustrophobic for me to watch that, to not be able to pull your arm.

02:27:54.000 That was a really uncomfortable fight, because I can't fight.

02:27:58.000 Yeah, I wanted it stopped.

02:28:00.000 I wanted to stop before they stopped it.

02:28:01.000 It was bothering me.

02:28:03.000 I was like, this guy's not gonna win this fight. 0.99

02:28:04.000 He's getting the fuck beat out of him. 1.00

02:28:05.000 He's getting his head punched in. 0.99

02:28:06.000 He's one of the best fighters in the world. 0.77

02:28:08.000 You're ruining him.

02:28:08.000 Right.

02:28:09.000 He's just taking this beating. 1.00

02:28:10.000 Like, just stop the goddamn fight. 1.00

02:28:12.000 He was so outmatched. 1.00

02:28:14.000 But he did hurt Khabib earlier in the fight.

02:28:16.000 He hurt Khabib in the very first round. 0.99

02:28:19.000 But then the fucking Khabib not being able to make the weight against Tony Ferguson, I'm just like, this goddamn weight cutting. 1.00

02:28:25.000 God, it's such a horrible, horrible practice. 1.00

02:28:27.000 It makes me sick.

02:28:28.000 That was heartbreaking, because everybody wants that fight, and now it's like they're going to be scared to put him against Conor. 0.98

02:28:32.000 I mean, they're going to have that be that fucking main event? 0.97

02:28:35.000 You can't. 0.99

02:28:36.000 And by the way, we talked about it on the Fight Companion podcast we did the other day.

02:28:42.000 We pulled up the Luke Rockhold quote.

02:28:45.000 Luke Rockhold is his training partner.

02:28:47.000 And he was saying that he couldn't get blood to his liver.

02:28:50.000 And that was something that was going on.

02:28:51.000 He was in deep pain.

02:28:52.000 He wasn't getting blood to his liver. 0.99

02:28:53.000 I'm like, are you fucking kidding me? 0.97

02:28:55.000 And this guy's going to do that again? 0.98

02:28:57.000 He's going to lose that weight again after that?

02:29:00.000 And apparently he said that he had the same problem in the Michael Johnson fight.

02:29:03.000 In the Michael Johnson fight, he wound up getting down to 155, but he was having the same issue, where he wasn't getting blood to his liver. 0.99

02:29:09.000 Like, what the fuck, man? 0.99

02:29:12.000 You know, and George St. Pierre did an interview today where he's saying that it's going to kill one of us. 1.00

02:29:16.000 Like, one of us is going to die from weight cutting.

02:29:18.000 Well, he's going to middleweight now, right?

02:29:20.000 I think that's one of the reasons why.

02:29:21.000 That's better.

02:29:21.000 Yeah, I think it's better.

02:29:23.000 I mean, look how goddamn good Kelvin Gastelum looked against Vitor Belfort this weekend. 0.96

02:29:26.000 Phenomenal. 0.96

02:29:26.000 Yeah, he's faster. 0.96

02:29:27.000 Johnny Hendricks, I thought, looked good, too.

02:29:28.000 Yeah, he looked great.

02:29:29.000 He looked great against Hector Lombard.

02:29:31.000 You wouldn't think getting heavier makes you faster, but I guess...

02:29:33.000 It's just not draining yourself.

02:29:35.000 That's all it is, because he's not getting heavier.

02:29:37.000 He's always heavy, but he would be the same weight and then dehydrate himself down to 170 and then go back up to like 190, somewhere around then, which is probably what Johnny Hendricks was instead this time. 0.77

02:29:48.000 Just lost a couple of pounds, made 185 easy, and then looked fucking great against Hector Lombard.

02:29:55.000 I would like to see more guys do that, because I think that's so much healthier, and the performances are better. 0.66

02:30:00.000 Look at Donald Cerrone.

02:30:01.000 Donald Cerrone, since going up to welterweight, looks far better than he looked at lightweight.

02:30:05.000 Yeah, I always wonder why they do that.

02:30:06.000 And I've asked them before, and they just say, look, because you're going to be fighting a heavier guy.

02:30:09.000 I'm like, why don't you just fight at your normal...

02:30:12.000 Kind of your weight you walk around at.

02:30:14.000 Wouldn't that be better to not have to cut all that weight and put it back on?

02:30:16.000 It just seems crazy.

02:30:17.000 Honestly, in their defense, I think there should be more weight classes.

02:30:20.000 I think there should be a weight class every 10 pounds. 0.92

02:30:22.000 I think if there was a weight class every 10 pounds, it would alleviate a lot of the extreme cutting.

02:30:27.000 You'd have a 145, 155, 165, 175, 85, 95, and then go up like that.

02:30:33.000 I think if we did that, we'd have more champions.

02:30:35.000 It would be more exciting.

02:30:36.000 I think it would be an excellent way to have champion versus champion fights because it wouldn't be that much of a difference in weight.

02:30:43.000 Much closer, right, right, right.

02:30:44.000 Yeah, that would be interesting to watch.

02:30:46.000 Maybe they'll do it.

02:30:47.000 I hope so.

02:30:48.000 65 versus 75 pound champ, 55 versus 65. There's a lot of fights you can make when you have these big-ass super fights.

02:30:54.000 That one guy could go up a little, one guy could come down a little.

02:30:56.000 It's not a giant jump.

02:30:59.000 I felt bad for Tony Ferguson. 0.99

02:31:00.000 It just sucks. 1.00

02:31:01.000 It does suck. 0.99

02:31:02.000 Are you going to come up to that Buffalo fight? 0.96

02:31:04.000 I don't know if I'm working for a Cormier Johnson in Buffalo, right?

02:31:08.000 Yeah.

02:31:08.000 Yeah, if I can, I will.

02:31:10.000 I only usually go to Vegas, but that's one I want to see.

02:31:12.000 Is Yair Rodriguez on that one?

02:31:15.000 That's 211. Yeah, Yair is 211, I think.

02:31:21.000 It's Weidman against Musashi.

02:31:23.000 Yeah, Weidman versus Musashi.

02:31:25.000 It's a great fight.

02:31:26.000 Oliveira is another one.

02:31:27.000 He went up to 155. He's fighting Will Brooks now.

02:31:29.000 I like that.

02:31:33.000 Oliveira has been just struggling to stay at 145. It's brutal.

02:31:36.000 It breaks you down, man.

02:31:37.000 It's just so bad for you.

02:31:39.000 Didn't he miss, was he over?

02:31:42.000 No, he beat Pettis.

02:31:45.000 Pettis didn't make the weight, and he beat Pettis.

02:31:47.000 No, that was Max Holloway.

02:31:49.000 Max Holloway beat Pettis.

02:31:51.000 He lost to Pettis.

02:31:52.000 Pettis guillotined him.

02:31:54.000 But I think he's had a couple losses in a row. 0.98

02:31:56.000 Who the fuck was Charles Oliveira's last loss? 0.97

02:31:59.000 Who was he mad at recently who criticized his weight? 0.99

02:32:02.000 Unless I'm not thinking of Charles Oliveira.

02:32:04.000 He was pissed off that somebody had said something disrespectful about his weight.

02:32:07.000 He lost to Ricardo Lamas.

02:32:09.000 Yeah, he got submitted by Ricardo Lamas.

02:32:10.000 That was a great fight for Lamas.

02:32:12.000 And then before that, Pettis submitted him.

02:32:14.000 And then before that, he beat Miles Jury.

02:32:16.000 He's just, I think he's just, it's another one of those guys. 0.99

02:32:19.000 He's a really talented guy, but that fucking weight cut is just horrible. 0.99

02:32:23.000 It's the worst part of the sport. 0.99

02:32:25.000 There should be a way to do it, to eliminate it.

02:32:27.000 I think they should be weighing these guys in, you know, every 15 days or something like that and finding out what they really weigh.

02:32:33.000 I think it's crazy.

02:32:34.000 I really do.

02:32:35.000 I think it's insane to dehydrate your brain, your body, get to death's door, then 24 hours later have a cage fight.

02:32:42.000 GSP said that recently, I didn't know they did that in boxing, and he was saying about in boxing a month out, you can't lose like 20% of your, whatever the percentage your body has.

02:32:49.000 I never considered that, but that would probably be a good way to do it.

02:32:52.000 Maybe they will.

02:32:53.000 The guy who runs the California State Athletic Commission, his name is Andy Foster, and he's probably, in my opinion, one of the very best commissioners in MMA today, in athletic commission commissioners, because he's just really proactive.

02:33:05.000 I believe he's had some MMA fights himself, and he's an accomplished martial artist, and he really understands the sport.

02:33:10.000 And they're taking some really proactive approaches to cutting weight cutting and making sure that people don't dehydrate themselves as much.

02:33:18.000 And he was really proactive for performance enhancing drugs, catching people doing drugs before the USADA thing with the UFC came along too.

02:33:27.000 So just need better regulations, more people on top of things. 0.95

02:33:31.000 This is how bad I want to lose my gut. 0.99

02:33:32.000 I do exercise, but I actually, I think I asked, it was either Wonderboy or his father, what the paste was that they put on, and a part of me actually considered putting the paste on and just sitting in the fucking... 0.99

02:33:44.000 Abilene? 0.97

02:33:45.000 Thank you.

02:33:46.000 I didn't know what it was called.

02:33:47.000 To sweat?

02:33:47.000 Yeah, but he's like, you'll lose the wrong weight.

02:33:50.000 Oh, yeah.

02:33:50.000 No, you'll just get dehydrated.

02:33:52.000 That's not going to lose body fat.

02:33:54.000 No.

02:33:55.000 You just got to stop eating sugar.

02:33:56.000 Do you eat sugar?

02:33:57.000 Very rarely, but occasionally. 0.99

02:33:58.000 I go fucking through periods. 0.98

02:34:01.000 You know what I mean? 1.00

02:34:02.000 I want to misbehave and I'll just shove bad food in my fat face. 0.98

02:34:05.000 It's hard not to. 0.92

02:34:06.000 It's tasty.

02:34:07.000 It is tasty.

02:34:08.000 I love a good treat.

02:34:09.000 I love a good ice cream sundae.

02:34:11.000 I have a hard time. 1.00

02:34:12.000 God damn it, dude. 0.99

02:34:12.000 I love it. 0.99

02:34:13.000 Frozen yogurt. 1.00

02:34:14.000 Oh, my fucking manager and I, what a couple of queens we look like prancing on Santa Monica Boulevard to the yogurt stop fucking three times a week. 1.00

02:34:21.000 We can't stop eating this shit. 1.00

02:34:23.000 Menchies? 1.00

02:34:23.000 It's the fucking best, dude. 1.00

02:34:25.000 The vanilla. 0.99

02:34:26.000 They have the sugar-free chocolate. 1.00

02:34:29.000 Holy shit, is that stuff ridiculous? 1.00

02:34:30.000 You get all those toppings. 1.00

02:34:31.000 I do.

02:34:32.000 Reese's Pieces and stuff.

02:34:33.000 I don't go that crazy.

02:34:34.000 Maybe a little bit of coconut shavings, but lately I've done more.

02:34:38.000 I rarely do it. 0.97

02:34:39.000 Fucking good. 0.91

02:34:40.000 I rarely do it, but when I do it, I go hard. 0.99

02:34:42.000 I'll go to Cold Stone Creamery and get a fucking giant sub with peanut butter and hot fudge and Reese's Pieces and chocolate ice cream and whipped cream on it. 0.99

02:34:52.000 Fucking good! 1.00

02:34:54.000 Doesn't that doesn't that fuck you up to like my throat? 1.00

02:34:58.000 I'm a throat-clearing idiot and that type of stuff fucks me up like lactose I can't take. 1.00

02:35:03.000 Coffee I think messes my throat up. 1.00

02:35:05.000 I stopped drinking butter coffee on the show because I would drink it and I would be constantly coughing.

02:35:10.000 It's just when you're talking for long periods of time like this you occasionally gonna have to clear your throat.

02:35:15.000 Yeah Like that?

02:35:17.000 Yeah, yeah.

02:35:17.000 But I mean, like, when I think about it more, I have to do it more.

02:35:21.000 But I mean, when I'm, like, lactose fucking kills me. 0.92

02:35:24.000 Ice cream, frozen yogurt. 0.98

02:35:25.000 Well, all the sugar, too.

02:35:27.000 There's so much.

02:35:27.000 When you have an ice cream sundae, I mean, you're getting, who knows how many hundreds of grams of sugar.

02:35:31.000 But it feels so good while it's going in, and then you just crash.

02:35:36.000 Yeah, then you regret it. 1.00

02:35:37.000 Yeah, your body feels like dog shit for a long time. 1.00

02:35:39.000 For an hour or so afterwards, I feel like dog shit. 1.00

02:35:42.000 I feel that way for a few days. 0.99

02:35:44.000 Like, I gotta eat good for a while, go to the gym, and then when I start to...

02:35:46.000 I've never had abs, and I never will.

02:35:48.000 You can have abs.

02:35:49.000 You're not far away from abs.

02:35:51.000 I don't know. 0.99

02:35:51.000 If you have a real trainer, like a really good trainer that fucking kicks your ass, you got a chick that you go to? 0.99

02:35:56.000 Yeah, I have three different ones. 0.99

02:35:57.000 Three different ones.

02:35:58.000 One, yeah, well, one couldn't do another schedule, so I use another one.

02:36:02.000 One Monday, one Friday, and then one I use Tuesday, Thursday.

02:36:04.000 It's all scheduled.

02:36:05.000 So every time you work out, you work out with a trainer?

02:36:07.000 Every time.

02:36:08.000 Unless I'm here and I'll do a little something.

02:36:10.000 I'll pop up on the old elliptical for 20 minutes.

02:36:12.000 I'll do a few things that I've remembered.

02:36:14.000 I'll do 45 minutes by myself.

02:36:16.000 But I would say almost every time I use a trainer.

02:36:17.000 Because I don't like... 0.98

02:36:19.000 I'm fucking lazy. 0.99

02:36:20.000 I'm lazy. 1.00

02:36:21.000 I like to be fucking lazy. 1.00

02:36:22.000 They will at least make you do different shit. 1.00

02:36:25.000 Squat, pump, all these full body exercises. 0.98

02:36:28.000 So I'm doing things I wouldn't do on my own.

02:36:30.000 It's interesting you say you're lazy, but you work out four days a week.

02:36:32.000 That's not lazy.

02:36:33.000 I do that in spite of my laziness.

02:36:35.000 Like, I am lazy.

02:36:36.000 You do stand-up seven nights a week, but you're lazy.

02:36:39.000 You do your radio show how many days a week?

02:36:41.000 Five.

02:36:41.000 Five days a week, but you're lazy.

02:36:42.000 You do your podcast on top of the radio show two days a week, but you're lazy.

02:36:46.000 Yeah, it's weird, but maybe I'm not.

02:36:49.000 I always feel like I'm a lazy bum, and I really do. 0.96

02:36:53.000 I feel like I'm a fucking horrible, and I'm doing all this stuff in spite of being lazy. 0.98

02:36:57.000 Like, I'm fighting laziness constantly. 0.98

02:36:59.000 Maybe it's the way you're defining.

02:37:01.000 Maybe you're self-defining yourself in a very negative and limiting way.

02:37:05.000 Maybe by thinking that, like you're lazy, even though the evidence points to the contrary, you're still doing all these things.

02:37:11.000 A lazy person would find a way to not work out. 1.00

02:37:13.000 A lazy person would find a way to fuck off and call in sick to the radio show. 1.00

02:37:16.000 That's a great point. 1.00

02:37:17.000 Yeah, I don't think you're lazy.

02:37:18.000 I think you're self-critical, which is usually what a lot of artists are.

02:37:22.000 A lot of artists hate everything they do, and they're constantly trying to do the best, and it's just never good enough, and they get pissed.

02:37:29.000 Right.

02:37:30.000 So it might be this way you're looking at things.

02:37:34.000 You might have to just blank that out and just not think like that.

02:37:38.000 Just not allow those thoughts to get into your head. 0.99

02:37:40.000 If I wanted to fuck off and not work out, I'm sure I could come up with some sort of a reason, but I don't... 0.99

02:37:45.000 I don't consider myself lazy in that regard. 0.99

02:37:48.000 I'm just not.

02:37:49.000 I work out too much.

02:37:50.000 It would be ridiculous if I said I was lazy.

02:37:52.000 I make myself do it.

02:37:54.000 With a trainer, that also forces you to do it.

02:37:56.000 But I make myself do it too.

02:37:57.000 There's not much difference between you and me in that regard.

02:38:00.000 I give myself a few days, like I'm so busy doing press this week, I give myself, like I did it twice, but I'll let the third day go.

02:38:07.000 Like, I'm not as driven as I was at one point, but the trainers, I always show up.

02:38:10.000 I never don't show up.

02:38:12.000 I don't cut the workouts.

02:38:13.000 Just make yourself do it.

02:38:14.000 It's almost like making yourself be faithful.

02:38:16.000 Like, you know, once I start cheating, goodbye.

02:38:19.000 That's all she wrote.

02:38:20.000 Floodgates are open because I'm no longer perfect. 0.99

02:38:22.000 That's why OCD shit comes in. 0.99

02:38:23.000 I'm not perfect! 0.99

02:38:26.000 I think that's what you're doing.

02:38:27.000 I think it's a negative definition that you've latched onto yourself that you're lazy because it's impossible for you to be lazy.

02:38:35.000 When you look at all the things you do, That's a good point.

02:38:38.000 I hadn't thought of it that way.

02:38:38.000 That's a good point.

02:38:39.000 Yeah.

02:38:40.000 Well, you're right.

02:38:40.000 I've always identified myself like that.

02:38:41.000 Maybe I'm just a driven guy who's tired.

02:38:43.000 Yeah, that's what it sounds like. 0.99

02:38:45.000 I mean, Jesus Christ, think about all the shit you're doing. 0.99

02:38:47.000 You're doing five days of radio. 0.99

02:38:48.000 You're doing two days of podcasts.

02:38:49.000 You're doing stand-up every night.

02:38:51.000 You're working at night, and then you're getting up in the morning to do radio, what, seven?

02:38:54.000 What time are you there?

02:38:55.000 I'm on the air from 8-11 East Coast.

02:38:57.000 8 to 11. So are you getting up at 7?

02:38:58.000 Yep. 0.99

02:38:59.000 That's fucking early for a comic who's doing a set at night. 0.95

02:39:03.000 Like, what time's your sets? 0.98

02:39:04.000 I usually...

02:39:04.000 Well, SD will give me early ones when I request it.

02:39:06.000 So I'm usually done by about 8.30.

02:39:09.000 I'd be home by 9. I'll have a little something to eat.

02:39:11.000 I'll have some Vietnamese food and relax.

02:39:13.000 Yeah, but still, even then, you're barely getting eight hours sleep then.

02:39:17.000 If you go right to bed.

02:39:18.000 I never get eight hours.

02:39:19.000 I can't.

02:39:19.000 Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

02:39:20.000 You need.

02:39:22.000 Everybody needs eight hours.

02:39:23.000 I got eight hours last night.

02:39:25.000 So you feel refreshed, right?

02:39:27.000 When you wake up?

02:39:27.000 I feel great today.

02:39:28.000 I never feel refreshed.

02:39:29.000 I feel amazing.

02:39:30.000 Yeah, I feel fantastic.

02:39:32.000 Get that eight hours.

02:39:33.000 I just think that that's one of those things that's non-negotiable.

02:39:36.000 I just think that, I mean, there's going to be days where I can't.

02:39:39.000 I've got to get up early for a flight or whatever.

02:39:41.000 Yeah.

02:39:41.000 But I think sleep is one of the most non-negotiable things.

02:39:45.000 Sleeping and drinking water and eating healthy food, those are pretty non-negotiable.

02:39:49.000 What time are you going to bed?

02:39:50.000 Depends.

02:39:51.000 Last night was pretty late.

02:39:52.000 Last night was probably like 1 o'clock in the morning.

02:39:54.000 I got up at somewhere around 9-ish.

02:39:58.000 Yeah, that's still a good schedule for a comedian.

02:40:00.000 Yeah, for a comedian, it's great.

02:40:02.000 Well, it's good that the store's not far away.

02:40:05.000 I can get to the store in a half an hour at night, get there, do a set.

02:40:08.000 I'm done by 11, 11.30.

02:40:10.000 I'm home by 1, you know, whatever.

02:40:12.000 That's what scared me, though.

02:40:13.000 It was the idea of doing radio during the day, and then, like, if I did afternoons, then I'd do a set at night, and then what?

02:40:20.000 Right, and then you're naughty. 0.95

02:40:22.000 That's what you're worried about.

02:40:23.000 And nobody's around.

02:40:25.000 Mm.

02:40:25.000 Nobody's around.

02:40:26.000 You're really texting the dregs at 4 a.m.

02:40:29.000 Are you?

02:40:29.000 Yeah, your best options have gone to bed.

02:40:33.000 Your best options have taken all the loads they can handle for the evening.

02:40:37.000 Or they've given them.

02:40:40.000 She's a really good girl.

02:40:42.000 All right.

02:40:44.000 Jim Norton, your new special is on Netflix.

02:40:47.000 Mouthful of Shame.

02:40:48.000 Yeah, it's on as of today.

02:40:50.000 There it is.

02:40:51.000 Bam! 0.98

02:40:51.000 Well, you look great in that picture. 0.98

02:40:53.000 Thanks, Joe. 0.99

02:40:53.000 Holy shit, dude. 0.99

02:40:53.000 It's a snowstorm. 0.99

02:40:55.000 I actually just screen-capped that because I didn't like the picture they were using.

02:40:58.000 So I just screen-capped it from the special.

02:41:00.000 Like, could you guys use that?

02:41:01.000 And they're like, okay.

02:41:01.000 Perfect.

02:41:02.000 Yeah, that is perfect.

02:41:03.000 I like that, too, because you're in the middle of a set.

02:41:06.000 You know?

02:41:07.000 Like, that's a real picture.

02:41:08.000 It's a real...

02:41:09.000 Like, you're not posing.

02:41:10.000 Like, I posed for a bunch of Netflix pictures, and I was like, ew.

02:41:14.000 Well, there's one they took of me where my hand is over my mouth, but it's a screen grab from a set.

02:41:18.000 I'm doing a joke where I cover my mouth, but I'm like, I don't want to use that, A, because you can't see my face, and B, Because I know it's mouthful of shame, but it seems like I'm going, oh, I said something naughty, which is not what the joke is.

02:41:29.000 But it looks like I called it mouthful of shame and then went, oh, look out, folks!

02:41:33.000 Right. 1.00

02:41:34.000 It's fucking awful. 0.99

02:41:35.000 Yeah, that could be a problem if somebody was cynical and they were like, who is this guy? 1.00

02:41:39.000 What? 1.00

02:41:40.000 Get the fuck out of here with your mouthful of shame. 1.00

02:41:42.000 Yeah, I'm allowed to say whatever I want. 1.00

02:41:42.000 Yeah, it's Netflix. 1.00

02:41:43.000 No one's censoring me.

02:41:45.000 Isn't Netflix amazing in that regard?

02:41:46.000 I could not be happier.

02:41:48.000 So, so amazing.

02:41:49.000 They're so good.

02:41:50.000 Robbie Pross said to me, like, it's an hour and one minute, an hour and two minutes.

02:41:54.000 It was an hour and fourteen of the set.

02:41:55.000 I chopped the bit up.

02:41:56.000 And I asked Robbie, well, you might want to trim this a bit, but it's up to you.

02:42:00.000 And like this one part.

02:42:01.000 And he was right.

02:42:01.000 The trim was actually smart.

02:42:02.000 And that was the whole suggestion.

02:42:05.000 Yeah, the only notes they gave me when I was recording was one of the ladies really enjoyed the dolphin bit. 0.89

02:42:11.000 She's like, you didn't do the dolphin bit on that set.

02:42:13.000 I go, oh, it's just because I did.

02:42:14.000 Don't worry, it'll be on.

02:42:16.000 I go, I just didn't want to do it during that set.

02:42:18.000 I didn't want any of the sets to be longer than an hour, and some of them are going to have material that's not in the other one, so I'll decide which way to do it.

02:42:25.000 But that was it.

02:42:26.000 Like, I like a bit.

02:42:27.000 Yeah.

02:42:28.000 Is that bit going to be in it?

02:42:29.000 Don't worry, that bit's going to be in there.

02:42:30.000 Yeah, that's a nice note to get.

02:42:31.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

02:42:33.000 It's, I think, the best venue right now for stand-up by far.

02:42:36.000 I don't think there's anything even close to Netflix.

02:42:37.000 Dude, it's everywhere now.

02:42:39.000 Yeah.

02:42:39.000 Like, it just gets released everywhere, so I'll go out and do gigs.

02:42:42.000 Hopefully, in the next couple of months, start, you know, booking a bunch of shit. 0.90

02:42:45.000 And someone can listen to this podcast right now, hang it up, close the podcast, and then go right to their TV and instantaneously watch it. 0.98

02:42:53.000 That's the best.

02:42:54.000 On their phone.

02:42:55.000 Yeah.

02:42:56.000 I opened it on my phone before.

02:42:57.000 It was weird.

02:42:58.000 It's amazing.

02:42:59.000 Like, you're watching it on your...

02:43:00.000 They don't care about the premiere.

02:43:02.000 They care, but I had a bunch of stuff lined up, and Netflix actually said, you know, don't kill yourself.

02:43:07.000 There's going to be a second wave.

02:43:08.000 You know how much press I did?

02:43:12.000 Maybe I called a couple of people.

02:43:14.000 I don't remember.

02:43:14.000 It was nothing, though.

02:43:16.000 It was nothing like I had to do for Comedy Central.

02:43:18.000 Comedy Central involved a bunch of obligations.

02:43:20.000 If you do an HBO special, I would imagine it would probably be the same thing.

02:43:23.000 Same thing, same for Epics. 0.99

02:43:24.000 And again, just because they have a premiere date, they get numbers.

02:43:27.000 Netflix, they just want to know that people are watching it, and they can tell.

02:43:30.000 They don't tell any of us how many people are watching.

02:43:33.000 None of us get numbers. 1.00

02:43:34.000 Yeah, they don't tell you shit. 0.98

02:43:35.000 They just go, we're very, very happy. 0.99

02:43:37.000 I want to do another one.

02:43:39.000 Yeah.

02:43:39.000 I should act like I'm holding out.

02:43:40.000 When do you want to do it?

02:43:41.000 Well, I'm not ready now, but I mean, maybe in a year or so, maybe more.

02:43:45.000 I mean, I would love to do it with them.

02:43:47.000 What's your schedule do you like to do?

02:43:48.000 Do you like to do one a year?

02:43:49.000 It's not always possible, but my goal is to do one every year, year and a half maximum, because by then, a lot of the material is...

02:43:57.000 Like, when I touch topical stuff now, I try to touch it in a way that ties into an overall theme so it still makes sense.

02:44:03.000 Right.

02:44:04.000 I talk about how I don't really think I'm a pervert, and I mention that Jared's a pervert, but I don't do a whole long Jared set.

02:44:09.000 I do like one or two.

02:44:10.000 Something that is fairly timeless to that bit.

02:44:12.000 Nothing specific to the moment where you're like, wait, I don't remember that.

02:44:15.000 You know what he did.

02:44:16.000 But after a year and a half, I just lose interest in what I'm saying, joke-wise.

02:44:21.000 Plus, I like doing that.

02:44:22.000 I love doing that.

02:44:24.000 I feel like, why not just put it out?

02:44:25.000 There's so many places to put specials out.

02:44:26.000 Right.

02:44:27.000 And especially when you're doing so much stand-up, if you're doing stand-up six, seven nights a week, and then you're constantly doing a radio show, there's constantly new themes running through your head, you want to get that out there.

02:44:36.000 And it's always there, and it's like, maybe I should do shorter videos or something.

02:44:39.000 I don't know how to get them out.

02:44:40.000 Things that are so topical, just to spit them out there so they're there, as opposed to getting wasted in a set.

02:44:45.000 I want to be your self-esteem coach.

02:44:46.000 I'm going to pump you up. 0.99

02:44:47.000 No more negative thinking.

02:44:49.000 Positive gym.

02:44:50.000 But then again, you might be fueled by that negative thinking.

02:44:52.000 That might be why you're so prolific.

02:44:53.000 It's a combination of both.

02:44:54.000 Like, I can feel good and be funny, too.

02:44:56.000 But I didn't even realize it was a negative thought.

02:44:59.000 I just think I was confusing being tired with being lazy.

02:45:02.000 And I think that's a good...

02:45:04.000 You just pointed something out that makes a lot of sense.

02:45:05.000 You're definitely not lazy. 0.98

02:45:06.000 You're getting a lot of shit done. 1.00

02:45:07.000 Yeah, but I'll watch you, and I see you, you got a company, you got this, you're doing this, and I'm like, motherfucker, I'm sitting on a block of ice doing nothing, or Louie's doing this. 1.00

02:45:18.000 You see all your friends- You can't compare yourself. 0.98

02:45:20.000 No, I know, but you feel lazy when you see your friends doing these great things.

02:45:25.000 The things that I'm doing, though, I really enjoy doing those things.

02:45:28.000 They don't seem like work to me. 0.76

02:45:29.000 There's not a goddamn thing I do that seems like work, whether it's working for the UFC, whether it's doing stand-up. 0.70

02:45:34.000 There's obligations. 0.95

02:45:35.000 I have to be there at a certain time.

02:45:37.000 There's writing involved.

02:45:39.000 There's things that I have to do where I have to sit down and be alone and force myself to do that kind of work.

02:45:43.000 But none of it seems like work.

02:45:45.000 It's all fun stuff. 0.98

02:45:46.000 Well, if I was only doing stuff I want, believe me, I wish, if somehow watching Chatterbait would advance me in this business, you'd be fucking, you'd be seeing my fucking heels. 0.74

02:45:55.000 I probably would if you did like live commentary on Twitch for Chatterbait. 0.96

02:45:58.000 Like you had Chatterbait windows in the background and you're just sitting there like going, oh Jesus. 0.99

02:46:03.000 You're not allowed to, but what I do want to do is I want to get a beautiful girl in Chatterbait and then I want to just come on as fucking Chip and sit next to her and wreck it. 1.00

02:46:13.000 All these guys jerking off in fucking England and Portugal. 1.00

02:46:18.000 That's a great idea. 1.00

02:46:19.000 Yeah, I want to do that.

02:46:20.000 I have the look and everything.

02:46:21.000 But I would have to have somebody somehow capturing...

02:46:24.000 Because you have to be careful you don't show them and you get sued.

02:46:27.000 There's a way to capture what they've said and change it a little and put it out.

02:46:30.000 I think it's so funny.

02:46:31.000 Or you'd have to do it in conjunction with that girl. 0.92

02:46:33.000 You and that girl would have to have some sort of agreement.

02:46:36.000 The girl would be... 0.99

02:46:37.000 He'd be in the room with her.

02:46:38.000 But she wouldn't be...

02:46:39.000 I can't do anything with porn. 1.00

02:46:40.000 But the girl would be a sexy girl showing her tits really hot. 1.00

02:46:43.000 You can't do anything with porn because it's serious? 1.00

02:46:45.000 No, just because it was a comedian.

02:46:46.000 I don't want to. 0.99

02:46:46.000 I don't want to cross the I don't want to be there while people are actually fucking. 0.99

02:46:52.000 Not out of judgment, but I just... 0.95

02:46:54.000 I understand what you're saying. 0.99

02:46:55.000 But I want to have fucking Chip come on and just sit there and fucking spoil the vibe and fucking talk to her. 1.00

02:47:03.000 Tell her to show her fucking cooter and just ruin it. 1.00

02:47:06.000 People would be so fucking angry. 1.00

02:47:09.000 People like me wouldn't. 0.99

02:47:10.000 No, you would enjoy it.

02:47:11.000 Do you put it in a couples room?

02:47:14.000 Oh, yeah.

02:47:14.000 That'd be so funny.

02:47:15.000 You wait, I'm gonna fuck the shit out of her in a few fucking seconds. 1.00

02:47:19.000 That's a great idea. 1.00

02:47:20.000 You're sitting there with a bib on, mashed potatoes, cut the steak. 0.99

02:47:24.000 Yeah, wait till you see how good I fucking stick it in a cooter. 0.99

02:47:30.000 People would hate it. 0.99

02:47:32.000 It sounds like a plan.

02:47:34.000 Thank you, man.

02:47:35.000 I appreciate it.

02:47:35.000 I love this podcast so much.

02:47:37.000 I love you, man. 1.00

02:47:38.000 You're a funny motherfucker. 0.99

02:47:38.000 Is this real? 0.99

02:47:39.000 Silva versus Gastelum?

02:47:43.000 Wow.

02:47:45.000 In Rio.

02:47:46.000 Oh my goodness.

02:47:48.000 What a tremendous...

02:47:49.000 Oh my goodness.

02:47:51.000 Whoa.

02:47:52.000 Calvin Gaslam is...

02:47:53.000 He's trying to be the legend killer.

02:47:55.000 Yeah.

02:47:56.000 Asking shall receive.

02:47:57.000 Whose tweet is that?

02:47:58.000 UFC. Oh, wow.

02:48:00.000 Well, Calvin asked for that fight, and Anderson apparently said yes.

02:48:03.000 That is a dangerous fight for Anderson Silva. 1.00

02:48:05.000 Calvin Gaslam is a fucking destroyer. 1.00

02:48:07.000 Yes, he is. 0.99

02:48:08.000 And Anderson against Derek Brunson I thought was a very interesting decision.

02:48:11.000 I didn't agree with it, but other people did.

02:48:13.000 It wasn't a bad decision.

02:48:15.000 It was a close fight.

02:48:16.000 He didn't get a lot done, but I felt like he...

02:48:20.000 I'd have to go over it and really score it, but I didn't think it was egregious.

02:48:23.000 But I do think that Anderson has definitely lost a step, and he can get hit. 1.00

02:48:27.000 And Calvin is a motherfucker, man. 1.00

02:48:30.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:48:30.000 He's a motherfucker. 1.00

02:48:31.000 Wow. 1.00

02:48:32.000 Wow.

02:48:32.000 In Rio, though.

02:48:33.000 He's going to fight Anderson in Rio.

02:48:34.000 The vibe in Rio is going to... 0.96

02:48:36.000 But he just fucked up Vitor in Fortaleza. 0.99

02:48:38.000 He knocked him the fuck out, man. 0.99

02:48:40.000 Yeah. 0.98

02:48:41.000 Jesus.

02:48:41.000 He doesn't seem to care where he is.

02:48:43.000 Calvin Gaslam is a beast. 0.99

02:48:45.000 He's a beast. 0.99

02:48:45.000 He's a kid on the way up. 0.99

02:48:47.000 He's only 25 too, right?

02:48:49.000 How old is Calvin?

02:48:49.000 Is he that young?

02:48:50.000 I believe so.

02:48:51.000 Oh my god.

02:48:51.000 I believe he's 25. I believe he won the ultimate fighter.

02:48:55.000 He's one of the youngest guys ever to win it.

02:48:57.000 Did he beat Uriah Hall?

02:48:59.000 It was, right?

02:49:00.000 Yeah.

02:49:00.000 I was shocked at that win.

02:49:01.000 I remember watching him thinking about it.

02:49:02.000 Nobody thought he was going to win. 1.00

02:49:03.000 Shit. 1.00

02:49:04.000 Now he's way ahead of Uriah Hall. 1.00

02:49:05.000 Yeah.

02:49:06.000 I love Uriah Hall too.

02:49:07.000 He's a beast.

02:49:08.000 He's another one. 0.52

02:49:08.000 Really good fighter. 0.52

02:49:09.000 He's a really interesting guy too.

02:49:10.000 Alright, Mouthful of Shame on Netflix starting today.

02:49:14.000 UFC Unfiltered and your show.

02:49:17.000 With the great Matt Serra.

02:49:18.000 With the great Matt Serra.

02:49:20.000 And me and Sam every morning on Sirius 8 to 11. Thank you, brother.

02:49:23.000 Thank you, Joe.

02:49:23.000 Bye, everybody.

02:49:24.000 See ya. 0.98

02:49:25.000 We'll be back tomorrow with someone fucking good. 0.99

02:49:29.000 Who the hell's tomorrow? 0.99

02:49:30.000 Hold on a second. 0.54

02:49:31.000 I'll tell ya.

02:49:32.000 Give me one second.

02:49:33.000 Oh, TJ Kirk, The Amazing Atheist.

02:49:36.000 That'll be fun.

02:49:37.000 He's great.

02:49:37.000 Bye.

The Joe Rogan Experience - March 14, 2017

Joe Rogan Experience #931 - Jim Norton

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Summary

Transcript