The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #969 - Andrew Santino

00:00:00.000 Three.

00:00:05.000 Why Cheeto Santino?

00:00:07.000 Why that?

00:00:08.000 I'll tell you, when I first moved to Los Angeles, I was playing this basketball league with these kids from East L.A. It was like the only connection I had in L.A. with these couple of kids that I knew from Long Beach.

00:00:18.000 And we would go play ball in this league, and then afterwards, we'd go to a bar and just get shit-faced. 0.97

00:00:23.000 Like, just blacked out, out of our mind. 0.94

00:00:25.000 22, like, every dime we had was going to booze and partying.

00:00:28.000 So we were partying, and I'm wearing basketball shorts, like white people do when you play basketball. 1.00

00:00:33.000 And all my Mexican friends, you know, they wear like whatever they had on the floor that morning. 0.99

00:00:37.000 It was like jeans and, you know, there was never basketball shoes for them. 0.99

00:00:40.000 And we're sitting there drinking and this dude, Pavo, his buddy of mine, he looks down at my legs and he goes, Dog, I gotta fucking ask you a question, player. 0.99

00:00:48.000 Like, did you have fucking orange leg hairs, dog? 0.99

00:00:51.000 I was like, dude, I've known you for years. 0.99

00:00:53.000 You've never seen that?

00:00:54.000 He's like, no, dog. 0.85

00:00:55.000 It's so gross, dog. 0.59

00:00:57.000 It's nasty to look at, bro. 1.00

00:00:59.000 It's kind of like if you ate a bag of Cheetos and you wiped the finger dust all over your fucking legs and she got Cheeto legs, dog. 1.00

00:01:05.000 So the Cheeto thing. 1.00

00:01:07.000 So then all these dudes, all these fucking, all these homies were always like, Cheeto! 1.00

00:01:10.000 It was just stuck so hard that when I got Twitter and Instagram, I was like, I have to have Cheeto as my shit. 1.00

00:01:15.000 Like, I have to embrace the Cheeto. 0.99

00:01:18.000 Embracing the Cheeto.

00:01:19.000 Embrace the Cheeto, man.

00:01:20.000 Wow.

00:01:21.000 This is a good time for orange-haired comedians.

00:01:24.000 The two of the greatest of all time have orange hair.

00:01:26.000 It's wild because I've always been such a massive fan of Burr.

00:01:30.000 I mean, I can't preach him enough.

00:01:32.000 I think I do. 0.99

00:01:33.000 I dick ride him so hard. 0.99

00:01:34.000 I think many people I talk to are like, all right, dude, enough. 1.00

00:01:36.000 Like, I get it.

00:01:37.000 You like him.

00:01:37.000 But I do, man.

00:01:39.000 I've always loved him.

00:01:40.000 And Louie has changed the game in a totally different way.

00:01:44.000 Both two are the best of all time.

00:01:46.000 Shocking.

00:01:46.000 Burr right now, he's doing something real special.

00:01:50.000 And he's also a man's man, an unapologetic man.

00:01:54.000 Dude, thank God.

00:01:55.000 Oh, there's so few.

00:01:56.000 It's such a hard time to be a guy.

00:01:59.000 Yeah, you're not allowed to.

00:02:00.000 Shame on you.

00:02:01.000 If you say that, people are like, It's so hard to be a man with all your male privilege.

00:02:08.000 Oh, cisgendered males complaining about how hard it is. 0.71

00:02:11.000 We're being judged, folks.

00:02:12.000 We're being judged harshly.

00:02:14.000 I'm a white straight male.

00:02:15.000 I'm the literal enemy, public enemy number one right now.

00:02:18.000 Yeah.

00:02:18.000 I walk around, you are the enemy.

00:02:20.000 You're automatically a rapist and a misogynist and an egomaniacal, money-hungry, driven, bad human being. 1.00

00:02:28.000 It's so fucked up. 1.00

00:02:29.000 This is how ridiculous it's gotten. 1.00

00:02:31.000 There was an article, oh, they're still complaining about being a man. 0.96

00:02:34.000 There's an article that I just read that was advocating that women should never go to prison.

00:02:41.000 What?

00:02:41.000 It was like, let's stop putting women in prison.

00:02:44.000 Yeah, see if you can find that.

00:02:47.000 The idea was that women are suppressed, and they already represent such a significantly small portion of the U.S. population. 0.96

00:02:57.000 So therefore, heinous crimes, then they don't deserve the same punishment as other people that have heinous crimes. 0.99

00:03:02.000 The number of women hit men would just go through the fucking roof, right? 1.00

00:03:05.000 Hit people if they couldn't be arrested. 1.00

00:03:07.000 Yeah. 0.91

00:03:08.000 Oh my god.

00:03:08.000 So much domestic.

00:03:11.000 Well, that's like saying, okay, so if that's what the article's trying to say, then say any other repressed group in society.

00:03:16.000 Then minorities can't go to prison anymore. 1.00

00:03:19.000 That's the same logic.

00:03:20.000 They represent a much larger percentage, though.

00:03:22.000 So the thing she's saying about women is there's so few women in prison already, and women are, like, a lot of their behavior is due to the fact they've been suppressed by men. 0.99

00:03:32.000 Okay.

00:03:33.000 Yes!

00:03:34.000 Oh my god.

00:03:34.000 Well, it's just the idea of us being on two teams is so crazy.

00:03:38.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:03:38.000 The penis team and the vagina team. 1.00

00:03:39.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:03:39.000 It's that simple? 0.99

00:03:40.000 Shirts and skins.

00:03:41.000 It's that simple.

00:03:42.000 Right, that's it.

00:03:43.000 Like, all people on your side are good, all people on our side are bad. 0.99

00:03:45.000 Do you know how fucking crazy that is? 0.99

00:03:47.000 It's insane. 0.98

00:03:48.000 Well, that's what I said, like, not to sound like I'm plugging my special, but in my special, I talk about, I was shot in Chicago, where I'm from, and at the time, there was a lot going on in Chicago, as there always is, a lot of cop shootings, and... 1.00

00:04:01.000 I think there's an immediate uproar of like, fuck cops. 0.99

00:04:05.000 And I hate that, because I have cops in my family. 1.00

00:04:07.000 And you can't just blanket statement an entire thing.

00:04:10.000 Just like you can't blanket an entire race of people, sex class of people, and say, you're all the same. 0.61

00:04:16.000 That's the same thing as saying, like, every cop is a bad person. 1.00

00:04:18.000 Are you out of your fucking mind? 1.00

00:04:19.000 I couldn't agree. 1.00

00:04:20.000 There's millions of police officers that are great people.

00:04:23.000 You happen to hear stories about bad humans.

00:04:25.000 That happens in any industry.

00:04:26.000 Right.

00:04:27.000 And honestly, if you look at it statistically, like the number of bad cops versus the number of cops, and then you have to break down the number of interactions cops have with people.

00:04:36.000 It's stunning all day long.

00:04:38.000 Have you met people?

00:04:39.000 They're awful. 1.00

00:04:39.000 People are fucking awful. 1.00

00:04:40.000 Can you imagine every day? 1.00

00:04:42.000 They're awful to you, but imagine how awful they are if you are a professional enemy, and they know that you're just a person, just like them. 0.99

00:04:48.000 So you're pulling this guy over, this guy's done a crime, you know he's gonna lie to you, and you're the enemy, and you don't even know this fucking guy. 0.99

00:04:55.000 You don't even know him. 0.98

00:04:56.000 You don't even have a real beef with him.

00:04:57.000 But his whole life is on the line right now in this altercation.

00:05:01.000 You never know if he's gonna shoot you.

00:05:03.000 You never know.

00:05:04.000 There's so many videos online.

00:05:05.000 There's one of the most terrifying videos of this cop pulling this guy over. 1.00

00:05:10.000 And the guy was some Vietnam veteran who's a real fucking killer. 1.00

00:05:14.000 And he wound up killing the cop. 1.00

00:05:16.000 And they show him killing the cop on the security camera.

00:05:20.000 The guy's trying to give this guy all the room in the world.

00:05:23.000 He's like, sir, please get back in your car.

00:05:24.000 Sir, please get back in your car.

00:05:26.000 Sir, put your hands down, sir.

00:05:28.000 Sir, put the gun down, sir! 1.00

00:05:29.000 And then it gets to the, I mean, he's trying so hard not to be a cunt, and this guy shoots him and kills him. 0.99

00:05:35.000 And you're telling me that other cops haven't seen that video? 0.99

00:05:38.000 Yeah. 0.97

00:05:38.000 You don't think that they're terrified that they're going to be the next guy that's on some fucking YouTube clip that two comics are talking about on a podcast? 0.97

00:05:44.000 Right. 0.97

00:05:45.000 Because it could happen.

00:05:46.000 Easy.

00:05:46.000 Every time you pull a guy over, your life's on the line.

00:05:49.000 And the stress of that is ungodly.

00:05:51.000 And we expect them to manage it like robots.

00:05:54.000 We expect them to be like no person we've ever met.

00:05:56.000 Right.

00:05:56.000 Where they just, no problem, no stress.

00:05:58.000 You're a fucking accountant. 1.00

00:06:00.000 What is the worst shit that can happen to you once you're in the office? 1.00

00:06:03.000 The printer breaks. 0.99

00:06:05.000 Almost nothing is life-threatening.

00:06:07.000 No.

00:06:08.000 Microsoft Excel crashed this morning. 0.99

00:06:09.000 Everyone's going crazy in fucking accounting. 0.99

00:06:11.000 If you're a beat cop, Jesus Christ. 0.99

00:06:15.000 Well, it's the same way with, you know, I know this has been said, but the way we treat veterans and shit, it's like, you know, I grew up with a kid who was a really close friend of mine that killed himself a couple years ago, was a veteran. 0.97

00:06:26.000 And I think the expectation of the return to normalcy is not only ridiculous and an insane request, but it's just so illogical that that's not approached. 0.77

00:06:38.000 It's like, dude, these people can't come back from any sort of combat and just be pushed back into the real world.

00:06:44.000 Like, well, you're good, right?

00:06:44.000 You're good?

00:06:45.000 Did you turn off the switch when you landed back in the United States?

00:06:48.000 Yeah, man, it was just a little toggle in my head, and then I'm good now.

00:06:51.000 I should go get a regular job, I guess.

00:06:53.000 Yeah, and just the lack of responsibility that we have for taking care of those people.

00:06:59.000 It's crazy.

00:06:59.000 The lack of emphasis on psychological recovery, on giving them coping skills.

00:07:05.000 Mental health, man, that's the biggest issue in the United States.

00:07:08.000 I say that all the time.

00:07:09.000 There's so much lack of help for mental health, dude.

00:07:11.000 You see it so constantly in so many different facets.

00:07:14.000 Now I think it's coming out more because of the internet, because you see...

00:07:18.000 You know violent crimes and and and you see where mental health has kind of led our country now There should be a bigger focus on it. 0.67

00:07:25.000 I had a psychiatrist in the podcast yesterday Kelly Brogan who?

00:07:30.000 She wrote a book called what is it called the mind of your own a mind of your own is never saw that We talked all about these psychiatric drugs, and when they prescribe them, and why they prescribe them, and what are the side effects, and how easily they prescribe them.

00:07:41.000 Right.

00:07:42.000 And how so many of these same exact symptoms can be cured by exercise and diet, and they don't even advocate that.

00:07:48.000 Right.

00:07:48.000 And she's talking about how incredible it is.

00:07:50.000 Her coming from a background of psychiatry, being an MD, going through the whole training thing, writing a book about it, and you realize, oh my god, they're just doping people up.

00:08:00.000 Yep.

00:08:01.000 Because it's easy fix, man.

00:08:02.000 They want short-term solution as fast as you can.

00:08:05.000 Working out an exercise sounds like such a, it sounds like a marathon.

00:08:09.000 Yeah.

00:08:09.000 And they just, they're like, give me the 40-yard dash.

00:08:12.000 Like, what can we do to get them in the 40-yard dash?

00:08:13.000 And they're like, here, take this pill, and that changes everything.

00:08:16.000 Just the disassociative quality of these pills are so dangerous.

00:08:20.000 And we just hand them out.

00:08:21.000 Not we, obviously.

00:08:22.000 You and I aren't involved.

00:08:23.000 But someone's out there handing them.

00:08:24.000 Not as far as the audience knows.

00:08:25.000 We don't do it. 0.99

00:08:27.000 Imagine if you're a guy right now working for a pharmaceutical company, and every day you read the news, you see some fucking mass killing, and you go, please don't let it be on our shit. 1.00

00:08:35.000 Please don't let it be on our shit. 1.00

00:08:36.000 It's like Pfizer every day. 1.00

00:08:37.000 It's like rolling the dice online, hoping it wasn't some guy on one of their drugs.

00:08:42.000 She was talking about how the numbers of people that commit these mass killings that are on drugs.

00:08:46.000 They're on psychoactive, some sort of psychopharmaceutical drugs.

00:08:51.000 She's like, it's crazy.

00:08:52.000 It's like 100%.

00:08:53.000 Yeah.

00:08:53.000 Well, let me give you something.

00:08:55.000 This is how powerful that world is. 0.99

00:08:57.000 I probably shouldn't say this, but I'm with you, so I don't really give a shit. 0.97

00:09:00.000 But on the only one thing I wasn't allowed to talk about, or not talk about, but specifically say on my Showtime special was about... 0.98

00:09:09.000 Accutane.

00:09:09.000 I went on Accutane when I was a kid.

00:09:10.000 Do you know this drug?

00:09:11.000 Is that a sit drug?

00:09:13.000 Yeah, it is.

00:09:13.000 But it's unbelievably unstable, okay?

00:09:17.000 It's caused a lot of suicide. 0.99

00:09:18.000 People got real fucked up from it. 0.99

00:09:20.000 So it caused a lot of chemical and mental reaction that they didn't anticipate for youthful, you know, kids under 18 with underdeveloped brains. 0.99

00:09:27.000 You just have to sign a form to say, I can die from this medication.

00:09:31.000 There's a risk of death.

00:09:32.000 That was a real thing for pimple medication.

00:09:34.000 But on the special Showtime, lawyers called us and said, I can mention the company, but I can't say the joke.

00:09:41.000 I said, if you don't know what Accutane was, it was developed in the 80s and the 90s to kill acne and then people.

00:09:47.000 And they were like, we can't say that.

00:09:49.000 I was like, why can't I say that?

00:09:50.000 That's a fact.

00:09:51.000 And the guys, you know, lawyers were like, they're a massive sponsor.

00:09:55.000 Jesus Christ.

00:09:56.000 That was the control.

00:09:58.000 They were like...

00:09:59.000 First of all, I thought Showtime didn't have any sponsors.

00:10:01.000 CBS is their mothership.

00:10:05.000 It's Viacom, right?

00:10:06.000 It's also Spike TV, right?

00:10:08.000 Yeah, that was the only thing that they were like, we just can't say that.

00:10:11.000 Which I should respectively remove because I was like, I didn't need that piece anyway.

00:10:14.000 But I was like, that's so weird that they are that meticulous about this one small thing.

00:10:19.000 Because they wanted to cover up the fact that people...

00:10:22.000 People used to die from it. 0.99

00:10:24.000 Kids who are the most insecure point of your life, you got shit all over your face, and you just want to fix it with a pill because you want to feel better about your life. 0.93

00:10:32.000 You're already so vulnerable and ugly and weird, and they're willing to risk their life for it, but this company won't recognize that that was a thing. 0.98

00:10:40.000 What what numbers of people died off of it?

00:10:43.000 I mean there was at one point I remember when I was in high school There was like three kids it made national news because it was like three kids in a row committed suicide It was a consecutive like three young kids boom boom boom that committed suicide and of course You can't just attribute it to one thing.

00:10:57.000 I'm not saying you can point a finger and say that's what it was But there's enough evidence surrounding things like that that made the company put more legal action behind Release forms for when you take the drug.

00:11:11.000 Nowadays, I think there's different levels of it you can't give to people under 16 or a certain age because of the strength of the medication.

00:11:18.000 Jesus.

00:11:19.000 Yeah.

00:11:19.000 Because all I wanted to do was not be ugly anymore.

00:11:21.000 So what did it do to you?

00:11:23.000 You know what's funny, man?

00:11:24.000 It cleared my skin up and I never had to take it ever again.

00:11:27.000 I know people that did it two or three times and...

00:11:31.000 It gave me a lot of joy because I felt fine again.

00:11:34.000 I had such bad acne.

00:11:35.000 I say I had such bad acne when I was a kid that it made me not believe in God.

00:11:39.000 I was like, nothing exists.

00:11:41.000 I'm alone on this earth and I was I felt like I was the ugliest person to ever walk the planet because you felt so so this thing it fixed me so to speak it made me feel like everything was good again which is so gross but that's how like Shallow we are as kids because you're just like so vulnerable around your peers. 0.98

00:11:58.000 You're like I just want to be I just want to be normal when you're like 16 years old if you have a horrible acne attack It fucks your head up fucks you up you feel so weak Yeah. 0.92

00:12:08.000 He's like, you're so at the mercy of this. 0.99

00:12:10.000 I mean, obviously, oh, poor white cisgendered man worried about zits. 0.95

00:12:16.000 No, you know what? 0.97

00:12:17.000 I understand there's worse problems.

00:12:19.000 Look at that.

00:12:20.000 What is this?

00:12:20.000 This is a list of the side effects of this stuff.

00:12:23.000 Miscarriages.

00:12:23.000 Miscarriages, birth defects, increased internal skull pressure, bone mineral density, depression, psychosis, suicide, aggressive or violent behaviors, acute pancreatitis, unknown, in quotes, cardiovascular consequences, deafness, hepatitis,

00:12:39.000 bowel disease, excessive bone growth, night blindness, and sight loss.

00:12:44.000 You can just lose your vision...

00:12:46.000 Well then, you know, you lose your vision, you can't see your acne anymore, so I guess that's kind of the caveat.

00:12:50.000 Look at the list of birth defects.

00:12:51.000 Scroll back down again, please.

00:12:52.000 Look at this part where it says the list of birth defects.

00:12:56.000 No, up a little, up a little.

00:12:59.000 Up a little.

00:13:00.000 There you go.

00:13:00.000 Genetic name infiltration.

00:13:02.000 Facial and nerve system deformities, mental retardations. 1.00

00:13:07.000 Patients must be on birth control when using it.

00:13:10.000 Yep.

00:13:11.000 Because you get miscarriages. 1.00

00:13:12.000 Are you out of your fucking mind? 1.00

00:13:14.000 Isn't that crazy? 1.00

00:13:15.000 Patients must be on birth control if you want to use this medication.

00:13:19.000 You can't get pregnant. 1.00

00:13:20.000 Your baby will come out a mutant.

00:13:22.000 A Jersey man won $25 million verdict after he alleged that Roche, the acne drug, gave him inflammatory bowel disorder that required the removal of his colon.

00:13:28.000 Oh my God! 0.99

00:13:28.000 They had to rip out his fucking colon. 0.99

00:13:30.000 Oh my God! 1.00

00:13:32.000 Jesus Christ!

00:13:34.000 You only get $25 million if they take out your colon?

00:13:36.000 That's it, dude. 1.00

00:13:36.000 You lose your butt, you get $25. 1.00

00:13:38.000 You get one payday from The Rock. 1.00

00:13:40.000 Like one of his big movies.

00:13:42.000 Maybe.

00:13:42.000 And they take your colon.

00:13:43.000 He might get more than that.

00:13:44.000 He might get more than that for like Baywatch.

00:13:46.000 That's what they write in the memo of the check.

00:13:48.000 Four colon.

00:13:49.000 Four colon.

00:13:51.000 Four anus. 0.99

00:13:52.000 So, um...

00:13:54.000 I worked at a hamburger place, a place called Newport Creamery when I was in high school, and I graduated from dishwasher to working at the grill.

00:14:03.000 That's a big deal.

00:14:04.000 It was a big deal. 0.99

00:14:05.000 But the problem was, working at the grill, you get fucking crazy zits, dude. 0.99

00:14:09.000 Oh, yeah. 0.99

00:14:10.000 Because there's just grease in your face all day.

00:14:12.000 Like, literally, you get out of there, your face is covered in grease.

00:14:15.000 How old were you?

00:14:17.000 I guess I was 16 when I started working there.

00:14:19.000 15 or 16, somewhere in there.

00:14:20.000 My first job was McDonald's. 0.99

00:14:22.000 So, of course, I was really aiding in the shit face of my life. 1.00

00:14:25.000 I was like, let me eat shit food, be around grease all day. 1.00

00:14:30.000 All day. 1.00

00:14:31.000 Oh, all day long. 1.00

00:14:32.000 Those fryolators, like, that shit's in the air, man. 1.00

00:14:34.000 Oh, it's gross. 1.00

00:14:34.000 Like you have a thin film of it on your face when you leave. 1.00

00:14:38.000 It's coated.

00:14:38.000 Yeah, and my zits got out of control.

00:14:40.000 And I remember there was this girl, this really cute girl that worked there, and she grabbed my face once.

00:14:45.000 Like she was just being nice to me.

00:14:47.000 She goes, you're so cute. 0.94

00:14:48.000 She grabbed my face and all I could think of was, oh my god, she just touched my zits. 0.99

00:14:52.000 I'm so disgusting. 0.99

00:14:54.000 I think about it to this day. 0.76

00:14:55.000 It's crazy.

00:14:56.000 It's crazy.

00:14:57.000 It sticks with you, dude.

00:14:58.000 Dude, it was so devastating at the time.

00:15:00.000 I just like, I'm like, because I was attracted to her.

00:15:02.000 She's very cute, but I always felt like she was out of my league.

00:15:04.000 And then all of a sudden, she's touching my face. 0.99

00:15:07.000 I'm like, God damn it, she's touching my zits. 0.98

00:15:09.000 I remember we were going to like a family function of some kind. 1.00

00:15:14.000 And I had obviously just picked at something on my stupid face. 1.00

00:15:18.000 And my little brat sister was like... 1.00

00:15:20.000 You're bleeding. 0.94

00:15:22.000 It's like, out of my face.

00:15:23.000 I was like, I'm a mutant!

00:15:24.000 You feel like you're like, blanket me and hide me in the back of the car.

00:15:28.000 The only thing, what changed it for me was exercise.

00:15:31.000 Yeah?

00:15:31.000 Yeah, once I started, um, I started like really heavily working out, it kind of went away.

00:15:38.000 Towards like 17 and 18. By the time I was 18, it stopped.

00:15:42.000 But man, before that?

00:15:44.000 15 and 16, it was bad.

00:15:46.000 Well, I played sports all through high school.

00:15:47.000 So that was an issue because it was always sweating and it was making it exacerbate.

00:15:51.000 It made it worse.

00:15:51.000 And then in college, all I did was work out and didn't play a lot of active sports.

00:15:56.000 So by that time, it was all cleared up and I was fine.

00:15:58.000 But in high school, it was just like, I did everything to make it worse.

00:16:01.000 Like everything possible. 0.93

00:16:02.000 Everybody would get a sunburn to kill their zits. 0.64

00:16:05.000 Remember that? 0.98

00:16:06.000 You'd kill your zits in the sun. 0.97

00:16:08.000 I would get cancer and get worse skin. 0.86

00:16:11.000 In the summertime, I remember that was like, oh boy, it's going to be sunny out.

00:16:16.000 This is great.

00:16:16.000 I can cook off some of these zits.

00:16:20.000 Get a sun off these zits.

00:16:22.000 Yeah, man.

00:16:22.000 I had a buddy of mine growing up.

00:16:25.000 I mean, I cannot complain, because my buddy had it real bad.

00:16:30.000 He was one of those guys that was like, his everything, his neck was covered in pockmarks, his face was covered in pockmarks, and the poor kid was like barely hanging on, right?

00:16:40.000 He's like 15, 16 years old, you know, wasn't like genetically gifted to begin with, and all of a sudden he gets hit with this hailstorm on his face. 0.95

00:16:50.000 I mean, his whole, all of his skin was just fucked, and there's nothing they can do about it once that happens. 1.00

00:16:55.000 No, unless you want to lose your colon. 0.99

00:16:57.000 Unless you want to take a pill.

00:16:58.000 But it's not even that.

00:16:58.000 It doesn't smooth your face out.

00:17:00.000 No. 0.99

00:17:01.000 The only way they can smooth your face out once you have those scars all over the place is they have to fucking sandblast you. 0.98

00:17:06.000 Yeah, surgery. 0.99

00:17:06.000 Yeah, it's crazy. 0.99

00:17:07.000 And it doesn't look good.

00:17:08.000 Uh-uh.

00:17:09.000 No.

00:17:09.000 No, you can tell.

00:17:10.000 It's fucked. 1.00

00:17:11.000 Yeah, no. 0.99

00:17:11.000 I'm lucky that it worked because I had friends where it didn't work and it was like, oh God, that's just... 0.99

00:17:17.000 So if you were my friend who just got hit with the hailstorm, like, you would think, like, maybe for that guy it'd be worth taking a chance at suicide.

00:17:24.000 Yeah, why not? 0.98

00:17:27.000 So crazy.

00:17:28.000 If you're gonna do it, do it cool.

00:17:29.000 You know, you never know.

00:17:30.000 You never know, right?

00:17:30.000 You're just rolling the dice.

00:17:31.000 You might be one of that one out of a thousand people that goes completely fucking insane once that stuff hits your system. 0.99

00:17:37.000 Goes blind insane. 1.00

00:17:38.000 Shits yourself. 1.00

00:17:40.000 Skull pressure was the craziest thing. 0.99

00:17:42.000 Bone growth, weird bones are gonna start...

00:17:44.000 Gonna grow horns.

00:17:46.000 You see Mike's second chin? 1.00

00:17:48.000 You just have another fucking chin start to grow below. 0.99

00:17:51.000 You ever go to this lady, Dr. Pimple Popper, on Instagram? 1.00

00:17:55.000 No.

00:17:56.000 Does she just pop huge zits? 1.00

00:17:57.000 I'm addicted to this lady's Instagram page. 1.00

00:18:00.000 The point where it almost seems like she's sponsoring this show.

00:18:03.000 Ha ha! 0.86

00:18:04.000 I tell everybody about her.

00:18:05.000 You go to her page and every day she's cutting open cysts and popping zits.

00:18:11.000 I can't.

00:18:11.000 Dude, you can.

00:18:13.000 She's got millions of... 0.98

00:18:14.000 Look it, she's got 2.4 million. 0.99

00:18:17.000 Okay.

00:18:17.000 2.4 million humans watch this all the time, constantly.

00:18:21.000 Dude, I watch it.

00:18:22.000 But all of her stuff is these giant...

00:18:26.000 Go to that lower right-hand corner one.

00:18:29.000 Click on that.

00:18:30.000 Look at this.

00:18:31.000 She's just cutting open these cysts, and it's so oddly addictive, man.

00:18:38.000 She's got this little circular razor blade tool. 1.00

00:18:41.000 It takes a circular chunk of meat out of your neck. 0.98

00:18:45.000 So that she can now push all the puss out. 1.00

00:18:48.000 Oh my god! 0.98

00:18:49.000 Isn't this insane? 1.00

00:18:50.000 Fuck! 1.00

00:18:50.000 Like, people's bodies and these errors, these, like, skin errors that we have, like, how many of those do we have inside of ourselves? 1.00

00:18:59.000 You know, like, when people, you hear about people having cysts and liver cysts and shit like that inside of you like this? 0.72

00:19:05.000 Dude, I have, I have a cyst, uh, when I was in- Jesus. 0.98

00:19:09.000 Ah!

00:19:11.000 When I was in college, I can't look away. 0.99

00:19:13.000 It's fucking insane. 0.97

00:19:14.000 I know, that's what I'm saying. 0.99

00:19:17.000 I'm in the sunken place, dude. 1.00

00:19:18.000 I can't fucking look away at this shit. 1.00

00:19:20.000 Yeah, it's very interesting. 1.00

00:19:22.000 When I was in college, dude, I thought I had nut cancer.

00:19:25.000 I thought I had testicle cancer, and I went into a doctor.

00:19:28.000 This is insane. 0.71

00:19:29.000 I went into a campus doctor, and he feels around in my nuts, and he feels the bump.

00:19:34.000 Dude, I cried for like two days. 1.00

00:19:35.000 Yeah, I started sucking my cock. 1.00

00:19:36.000 And he was like, I'm gonna get that nut. 1.00

00:19:38.000 I'm gonna get that nut. 0.65

00:19:40.000 There's only one way to get it out. 0.99

00:19:41.000 He said to me, this is no shit. 1.00

00:19:43.000 He goes, it's a buildup of semen. 1.00

00:19:44.000 A fucking doctor said that. 1.00

00:19:46.000 And I was like, really? 1.00

00:19:47.000 He goes, do you have a hot tub?

00:19:49.000 I was like, there's one in my complex. 0.99

00:19:51.000 Cook your cum. 1.00

00:19:51.000 He goes, go in there and jerk off in the hot tub. 1.00

00:19:53.000 He told you to jerk off in the hot tub. 1.00

00:19:54.000 I swear to God on my fucking life. 1.00

00:19:56.000 Did he tell you what time? 1.00

00:19:56.000 At 10.01. 1.00

00:19:57.000 I don't want you to look up.

00:19:58.000 He said, well, he said military time, actually.

00:20:00.000 Yeah, he said.

00:20:02.000 He said at 2022. Wow.

00:20:04.000 I want you to come.

00:20:05.000 There's something extra creepy about you in military time. 0.99

00:20:08.000 If you're talking about a guy jerking off and you're telling him how to do it during military time. 0.96

00:20:12.000 At 2022, I want to watch. 1.00

00:20:13.000 No, dude, this guy said it was a fuck it. 0.99

00:20:15.000 I'm not kidding. 1.00

00:20:15.000 He said it was a buildup of semen. 1.00

00:20:16.000 My dad flew into town because he was concerned because I was like, dude, it freaked me out.

00:20:21.000 I was like, I have this thing on my nut.

00:20:22.000 We went to the best doctor we could find. 0.96

00:20:25.000 And the guy was like, I should fucking have this other dude, like, get his medical license removed. 0.98

00:20:31.000 He's like, this buildup of semen is completely incorrect. 1.00

00:20:33.000 This is a cyst on your testicle. 0.89

00:20:35.000 He's like, it's benign, you're fine, but the fact that someone on campus, like a campus doctor told you that, that's a real medical professional. 0.97

00:20:42.000 He was probably high out of his mind. 1.00

00:20:44.000 Baked out of his fucking... 1.00

00:20:44.000 I went to Arizona State, so he was fucking lost, yeah. 1.00

00:20:47.000 It was just a dude they found that morning at the bus stop. 0.97

00:20:49.000 That doesn't even make sense to me.

00:20:52.000 I have no medical training.

00:20:54.000 When he said it, I was like, there's no chance.

00:20:57.000 Send in video.

00:20:58.000 That's what it was.

00:20:58.000 He's like, take a video of it.

00:21:01.000 That's what I want you to do.

00:21:02.000 I want you to take your nuts and hold them over a lamp so I can see through your nuts and then take as many pictures as you can.

00:21:08.000 No filter.

00:21:09.000 I'm going to bring in a couple other boys in here.

00:21:11.000 Young boys.

00:21:12.000 Don't use filters.

00:21:13.000 Have you seen that movie, Tickled?

00:21:14.000 Have you seen that documentary, Tickled?

00:21:16.000 I have not, but it keeps getting recommended to me.

00:21:18.000 I'm going to have to watch it.

00:21:19.000 It's unreal. 0.99

00:21:20.000 It blows your fucking mind how these guys were tricked into this. 0.99

00:21:24.000 It's as simple as young actors being like... 1.00

00:21:26.000 You gotta just make a living.

00:21:29.000 Can you let another guy tickle you on the internet for five minutes for $100?

00:21:33.000 And these young kids were like...

00:21:34.000 Dude, I've had friends get hit on by guys during casting sessions.

00:21:39.000 Just straightforward. 1.00

00:21:40.000 If you want to fuck... 1.00

00:21:41.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:21:42.000 I've had friends literally get propositioned.

00:21:45.000 I've had a few friends get propositioned by some very famous people that are like, you come to so-and-so's house, no one will know, no one will say anything.

00:21:56.000 But in the public eye, people think they're straight.

00:21:58.000 That's such a leap, man, when you're a dude and you're straight and you're like, alright, how much money is that really?

00:22:05.000 That is the crazy leap.

00:22:08.000 Like, I honestly absolutely firmly believe that prostitution should be legal.

00:22:13.000 100%. 0.99

00:22:13.000 It doesn't make any sense that you can decide to fuck someone for free, and we all agree that nobody got hurt, but if for some reason there's something wrong with, like, someone paying you to jerk them off... 0.99

00:22:26.000 Yeah, what's the harm? 1.00

00:22:27.000 Do you imagine if fucking Tiger Woods... 1.00

00:22:32.000 If Tiger Woods could have had prostitutes, this would have never gotten exposed? 0.99

00:22:36.000 Do you think if prostitution was legal and it was kind of not a faux pas thing in society, do you think he would have never had this moment of collapse in his career?

00:22:43.000 I think it would change the way we look at sex if prostitution was legal. 0.99

00:22:48.000 It's so illegal, and it's been illegal for so long, that if someone, male or female, has someone pay them for sex, you're a whore. 0.99

00:22:57.000 Right. 0.99

00:22:57.000 It's a label right away. 0.99

00:22:58.000 But we know for a fact that there's gold diggers.

00:23:02.000 Like gold diggers are real. 0.98

00:23:03.000 But they're not even hidden.

00:23:04.000 They're blatant.

00:23:05.000 Blatant.

00:23:05.000 Yeah, they just say it.

00:23:06.000 It's on the internet.

00:23:07.000 You've seen that.

00:23:08.000 Have you ever seen that Instagram post where there's these really hot like Instagram models and then it shows a picture in the next box of a bunch of guys that are like in their 60s with giant guts with gray hair on their guts.

00:23:21.000 It's like those Instagram models in Dubai.

00:23:23.000 This is who's paying for those trips.

00:23:25.000 Yeah, of course.

00:23:25.000 Yeah.

00:23:26.000 We know those people exist.

00:23:28.000 We don't care.

00:23:29.000 It's like, look at her.

00:23:30.000 She got it.

00:23:30.000 Good for her.

00:23:31.000 Like that Dan Bilzerian guy.

00:23:33.000 You know him?

00:23:33.000 Yeah.

00:23:33.000 That's his M.O. Well, sort of.

00:23:35.000 He's a good-looking guy, too.

00:23:37.000 Yeah, but these women that are around, he knows what they're around for, and they know what they're around for. 1.00

00:23:41.000 It's a fucking mutual deal. 0.99

00:23:42.000 It's a deal. 0.99

00:23:43.000 I think the best example of it was J. Howard Marshall and Anna Nicole Smith.

00:23:47.000 Totally.

00:23:47.000 And Anna Nicole Smith married that 90-year-old dude who was in a wheelchair.

00:23:51.000 And she was just giant titties and a big ass and just out there. 1.00

00:23:56.000 It was brilliant. 1.00

00:23:57.000 It was amazing.

00:23:58.000 It was amazing because it was so blatant.

00:24:00.000 I had a whole bit about it in my act.

00:24:01.000 There it is, right there.

00:24:02.000 She set the tone. 1.00

00:24:03.000 That's setting the fucking tone. 1.00

00:24:04.000 That's the gold standard of gold diggers. 1.00

00:24:06.000 Right.

00:24:08.000 I mean, come on.

00:24:10.000 He's marrying her there. 0.79

00:24:11.000 How is that not prostitution? 1.00

00:24:12.000 That's one of the funniest things anybody's ever done.

00:24:15.000 Wait, go back to that photo.

00:24:16.000 Zoom in on his face.

00:24:17.000 Look at how unhappy he looks.

00:24:19.000 It's remarkable. 1.00

00:24:20.000 This guy's so fucking old he can't formulate a smile when he's marrying a woman a quarter his age. 1.00

00:24:25.000 And I think at the time she was a lesbian. 1.00

00:24:28.000 So she was just eating pussy and hanging out with him. 1.00

00:24:31.000 And she had to do like marital relations with him. 1.00

00:24:33.000 And when she would do the marital relations with him, you know, she was like, time to go to work.

00:24:38.000 What has she got to do? 1.00

00:24:39.000 He can't fuck. 1.00

00:24:40.000 What has she got to do? 1.00

00:24:40.000 Just tug him? 1.00

00:24:41.000 Just suck him. 1.00

00:24:43.000 Exclusive. 1.00

00:24:44.000 Did they have Viagra back then?

00:24:46.000 No, I don't think so.

00:24:48.000 I think they did.

00:24:49.000 I think we came up with the timeline for Viagra.

00:24:52.000 Maybe they came up with it for him.

00:24:56.000 It was all his research money.

00:24:58.000 There's gotta be a way! 1.00

00:25:00.000 I'm that close to marrying Anna Nicole Smith, you piece of shit! 1.00

00:25:04.000 Make something keep my dick hard for an hour and a half. 1.00

00:25:08.000 I've got ten billion dollars and not a lot of time. 1.00

00:25:10.000 I don't want you to listen to me, you son of a bitch. 1.00

00:25:13.000 God, that's so crazy. 1.00

00:25:15.000 I love it.

00:25:16.000 Good for him. 1.00

00:25:16.000 Fuck, yeah. 1.00

00:25:17.000 Do you like my body? 1.00

00:25:19.000 Yeah.

00:25:19.000 Go out with a bang.

00:25:21.000 Or at least attempt.

00:25:22.000 An attempt at a bang.

00:25:23.000 Is he dead? 1.00

00:25:24.000 Yeah, he's dead as fuck. 1.00

00:25:25.000 What did he die of? 1.00

00:25:26.000 Happiness?

00:25:27.000 Died of being old.

00:25:27.000 Joy?

00:25:28.000 He died of joy?

00:25:29.000 The world blessed him in his final years?

00:25:31.000 But that's legal.

00:25:33.000 It's totally legal.

00:25:34.000 Totally. 0.99

00:25:34.000 To marry someone and have sex with them for money. 0.99

00:25:36.000 As long as you marry them and then get to steal all their money. 0.99

00:25:39.000 It's like a small transaction.

00:25:41.000 Like if he could just pay her, like for J. Howard Marshall, a multi-billionaire type character, I bet a hundred grand is not out of the question.

00:25:48.000 It's nothing.

00:25:49.000 One evening for a hundred grand seems like a worthy proposition.

00:25:54.000 Someone told me this recently.

00:25:55.000 We were talking about this.

00:25:56.000 This is amazing.

00:25:57.000 The difference between a million and a billion.

00:25:59.000 Because I think in America, we just kind of like, we don't even think about it.

00:26:02.000 You know, you just hear it and you're like, billionaire.

00:26:03.000 Oh, he must be a billionaire. 1.00

00:26:04.000 You know, I'm sure someone, Joe Rogan, dude, he's got to be a fucking billionaire, dude. 0.99

00:26:08.000 Here's the difference that people don't realize. 0.98

00:26:09.000 A million seconds is how many days?

00:26:12.000 Would you guess?

00:26:13.000 A million seconds.

00:26:14.000 I've done this before and I always forget it.

00:26:16.000 Do you know?

00:26:17.000 A million seconds.

00:26:18.000 30 days.

00:26:19.000 That's a great guess.

00:26:20.000 Is it?

00:26:21.000 It's 11 days.

00:26:22.000 That's good. 0.99

00:26:22.000 Most people are fucking way off. 0.99

00:26:23.000 So it's 11 days. 0.99

00:26:25.000 I just took a chance.

00:26:25.000 Yeah, that's good.

00:26:26.000 A million seconds is 11 days.

00:26:27.000 How many days is a billion seconds?

00:26:30.000 How many?

00:26:31.000 31 years.

00:26:33.000 Jesus. 0.99

00:26:33.000 11 days to 31 fucking years. 0.99

00:26:36.000 Jesus. 0.99

00:26:38.000 Look at that.

00:26:39.000 A trillion seconds is 31,000 years. 0.99

00:26:42.000 When someone tries to fucking say they understand what a billion is, you're like, you have no fucking idea what a billion is. 0.99

00:26:47.000 A billion is so beyond far away. 0.98

00:26:50.000 Now, as far as it's been explained to me, and I've never researched this at all, so I wonder if you could find this out.

00:26:56.000 Someone said to me that when you look at the richest men in the world, like they look at Warren Buffet and Bill Gates and all those billionaire characters, that they're not really the richest men in the world.

00:27:07.000 That the real richest men in the world are these Saudi guys and a lot of these oil guys, but they're monarchs and they don't have to disclose their wealth.

00:27:16.000 They never do.

00:27:16.000 It's not like they're the CEO of a corporation.

00:27:19.000 They're head of a royal family.

00:27:21.000 They owe no government any indication of what their earnings are.

00:27:24.000 So this dude who knows one of those cats was telling me that he's probably a trillionaire. 1.00

00:27:29.000 Fuck me. 1.00

00:27:30.000 And I was like, what? 1.00

00:27:31.000 I go, that's real?

00:27:32.000 And he goes, yeah, I didn't know there was trillionaires.

00:27:35.000 He goes, it's very likely this guy might have access to a trillion dollars.

00:27:38.000 Because the only thing that we know is our famous billionaires.

00:27:43.000 We're infatuated with our billionaires that we kind of have as these...

00:27:46.000 Social icons, you know, like the Zuckerbergs and these guys that are like they did something that we can recognize these Saudi families that have had that money have had that money for a fucking long time It's not new money.

00:27:57.000 No, it's old They had they had hundreds of millions 50 years ago, right?

00:28:02.000 So now it's only accumulated into billions of I mean they own well the what what the That guy that the Chinese billionaire that the What was his name?

00:28:13.000 He just bought the Basquiat.

00:28:15.000 Oh, we had...

00:28:16.000 He's Japanese.

00:28:17.000 Japanese.

00:28:18.000 Yeah, that guy.

00:28:18.000 For $100 million?

00:28:19.000 We just...

00:28:20.000 We're talking about that.

00:28:21.000 Which show was that?

00:28:22.000 It was Bill Burr.

00:28:23.000 Yeah, dude.

00:28:24.000 $110, I think it was.

00:28:26.000 I mean...

00:28:26.000 And he owns another one that he got for like $57.

00:28:29.000 $57 is nothing to him.

00:28:30.000 That's like...

00:28:30.000 It's a flick.

00:28:31.000 Guy's insane.

00:28:33.000 Who's this cat?

00:28:34.000 We're at 1.4 trillion. 1.00

00:28:36.000 1.4 trillion fucking dollars. 1.00

00:28:37.000 Oh my god. 1.00

00:28:38.000 See?

00:28:39.000 Oh my god.

00:28:39.000 The royal family is worth a staggering 1.4 trillion.

00:28:44.000 Salman bin Abdulaziz Al Saud, pictured, is the current king.

00:28:50.000 Dude, that's ballin' on a whole new level, son. 1.00

00:28:54.000 That's just new shit. 1.00

00:28:56.000 1.4 trillion. 1.00

00:28:57.000 Oh my god, who is this guy?

00:28:59.000 The Rothschilds families.

00:29:00.000 Oh, the Rothschilds, yeah, for sure.

00:29:02.000 There's probably a bunch of those little scoundrels running around taking a piece of that pie. 1.00

00:29:06.000 So a billion is a thousand million.

00:29:10.000 Yep, a thousand million.

00:29:11.000 To 700 trillion?

00:29:13.000 The Rothschilds? 0.82

00:29:16.000 Estimated between $1 billion and $700 trillion.

00:29:18.000 Hey, how about you do a better job?

00:29:21.000 I could do as good a job of estimating as that. 0.99

00:29:24.000 No shit, that's so far. 0.99

00:29:26.000 Probably a kazillion. 0.99

00:29:27.000 It's like when you ask a kid how much a car is and they're like, $8?

00:29:31.000 And you're like, yeah, it's like $8.

00:29:32.000 That's how much cars are.

00:29:34.000 $100?

00:29:35.000 Yes, exactly.

00:29:35.000 Well, it is a Mercedes, son.

00:29:38.000 How the fuck did they have such a terrible gap in their guesstimate? 0.99

00:29:42.000 See, those kind of old families that have been around for that long, you know that they hide money. 1.00

00:29:49.000 When they say X amount of dollars, it's because...

00:29:53.000 That's what they've been told through so many sources.

00:29:56.000 I used to know...

00:29:57.000 You know the guy, this guy George Soros?

00:29:58.000 Do you know who that is?

00:29:59.000 The guy who broke the bank in Manhattan?

00:30:00.000 I know the name because everyone brings it up when they talk about...

00:30:03.000 Anyone on the right side...

00:30:05.000 Alex Jones has said that George Soros is making the marijuana stronger.

00:30:08.000 He's doing it for mind control.

00:30:09.000 I take it once a year.

00:30:11.000 I smoke marijuana to test the efficiency.

00:30:14.000 I like how he's the gauge.

00:30:16.000 I'm gonna do it for America.

00:30:17.000 I will smoke.

00:30:18.000 He says he smokes it once a year.

00:30:19.000 He said that during his custody trial.

00:30:21.000 That's it.

00:30:21.000 Once.

00:30:21.000 That's it.

00:30:22.000 Just once a year to test.

00:30:23.000 He has one day.

00:30:23.000 Test its potency.

00:30:24.000 That's George Soros.

00:30:25.000 George Soros.

00:30:26.000 He's 86. I partied with his kid one time.

00:30:28.000 25 billion.

00:30:29.000 25.2 billion.

00:30:30.000 I partied with his kid one time at one of these Hollywood things.

00:30:33.000 And I've never seen someone so...

00:30:37.000 And I'm not going to say anything negative about him.

00:30:39.000 I've just never seen that kind of money firsthand.

00:30:40.000 I've never known a billionaire.

00:30:42.000 I've never been friends with a billionaire.

00:30:43.000 And this kid was so lucid.

00:30:46.000 It was almost as if he's not living now at all.

00:30:49.000 He's just kind of go...

00:30:50.000 He's so floating.

00:30:52.000 It's like whatever happens happens.

00:30:53.000 I said, where are you staying while you're here?

00:30:54.000 He's like, with these guys, I guess. 0.97

00:30:56.000 I was like, do you have suitcases and shit? 0.99

00:30:58.000 You're in town from New York? 1.00

00:30:59.000 Like, are you not... 0.99

00:30:59.000 He's like, no, I just fucking... 0.99

00:31:01.000 I don't know, I'm going to figure it out, I guess, bounce around a little bit. 0.96

00:31:04.000 It's just like there is no groundedness.

00:31:07.000 When you're that rich, it's almost like, I don't know, I can do anything all the time, forever.

00:31:11.000 There's no source of repetitiveness.

00:31:13.000 Strife, yeah.

00:31:15.000 Yeah, I don't think it's a good thing for kids.

00:31:17.000 Oh, it's so bad.

00:31:17.000 It doesn't seem to work out.

00:31:19.000 I mean, I would think the only way you would get a kid through that is you've got to...

00:31:25.000 Take him to sports or something.

00:31:26.000 You got to get him involved in some adversity.

00:31:28.000 He's got to lose at something.

00:31:29.000 Yeah, a lot. 1.00

00:31:30.000 If you lose at shit, you start to understand how human you are when you're like, oh my god, there's so many people better than me at so many fucking things. 1.00

00:31:38.000 Oh, yeah, dude. 1.00

00:31:38.000 Because when you're given everything, you never lose. 1.00

00:31:41.000 You never heard no.

00:31:42.000 There's no negative in your life. 0.97

00:31:44.000 It's just kind of like, how do you get any sense of fucking, you know, any normalcy or anything grounded in your hands when you're like... 0.95

00:31:51.000 Yeah, we need feedback. 0.97

00:31:52.000 Yeah, you need to know that that's not good and that's okay and that's terrible and that's good.

00:31:57.000 You need to know where you land on the spectrum in the social world. 0.97

00:32:00.000 That's why so many rich kids are socially so fucking awkward. 0.90

00:32:03.000 Because they never had to... 0.98

00:32:04.000 They never got beat up at school.

00:32:06.000 They never got made fun of. 0.97

00:32:07.000 It was all like, it was all fucking flat. 0.98

00:32:10.000 Flat. 0.96

00:32:10.000 It's all flat. 0.96

00:32:11.000 Yeah.

00:32:11.000 You can't have all flat.

00:32:13.000 You don't want to have too many crazy dips. 0.99

00:32:16.000 Yeah, because then you're fucking... 0.98

00:32:17.000 But you definitely don't want flat. 0.99

00:32:20.000 Like, the worst drive ever is not the longest drive.

00:32:23.000 The worst drive ever is like when you're driving in those roads that people always stop to take album cover pictures in.

00:32:29.000 Yeah.

00:32:30.000 Where you just see just flat and nothing there forever.

00:32:33.000 Over the horizon.

00:32:33.000 Just nothing.

00:32:34.000 Just flat. 0.94

00:32:34.000 Like if you go the same distance but you're driving on like the Pacific Coast Highway and you're headed up to San Francisco, it's fucking beautiful. 0.94

00:32:41.000 Beautiful, man. 0.96

00:32:42.000 You barely recognize.

00:32:43.000 First of all, you say, the cliff's right there! 1.00

00:32:45.000 The fucking cliff! 1.00

00:32:45.000 The cliff's right there! 1.00

00:32:46.000 What if I just fucking... 0.99

00:32:47.000 You could just do that, and people do do that for sure. 0.99

00:32:50.000 They just go off that cliff.

00:32:51.000 And you just want to make sure the guy on the other side is not thinking, I'm just going to head on this guy, and we're both going to go off this cliff. 1.00

00:32:57.000 Do this shit together. 1.00

00:32:58.000 Let's do this shit. 1.00

00:32:59.000 I'm going to drag somebody with me. 1.00

00:33:00.000 Fuck him. 1.00

00:33:02.000 The last moments of your life, flying off a cliff because some pilled up asshole decided to just slam into you and knock you off. 1.00

00:33:08.000 Just one afternoon? 1.00

00:33:09.000 It can happen.

00:33:10.000 Have you seen those birds that jump off the cliff right after they're born?

00:33:14.000 Have you seen these?

00:33:15.000 Dude, get this video.

00:33:16.000 Yeah.

00:33:17.000 Yes.

00:33:18.000 Look up, look up...

00:33:20.000 Bird jumps off cliff after birth.

00:33:21.000 So the moment they hatch, the mother and the father go to the bottom of this, like, 500-foot cliff.

00:33:26.000 And the birds jump.

00:33:27.000 Jesus.

00:33:28.000 And they hit rocks all the way down.

00:33:30.000 And whoever survives, survives with the parents.

00:33:32.000 Oh, my God. 0.98

00:33:32.000 Dude, it's fucking amazing. 0.98

00:33:33.000 I just saw it on... 0.99

00:33:34.000 I think it's on...

00:33:35.000 This looks like it was on Planet Earth.

00:33:36.000 Planet Earth.

00:33:37.000 So I can't really show this.

00:33:38.000 I can watch it.

00:33:39.000 So people...

00:33:40.000 I'll link the video or something.

00:33:41.000 What is the video called?

00:33:43.000 So people can...

00:33:43.000 Chicks jump off cliff.

00:33:45.000 Chicks jump off cliff. 1.00

00:33:46.000 Which is another one that they do here in LA sometimes in Hollywood.

00:33:49.000 I think that's different.

00:33:52.000 Look at this.

00:33:53.000 Wow, this is insane.

00:33:54.000 They don't even have wings yet.

00:33:55.000 Nope.

00:33:55.000 Nothing.

00:33:56.000 Nothing. 0.99

00:33:56.000 Just fucking bold. 0.99

00:33:58.000 Oh my god, this is insane. 1.00

00:34:01.000 This is insane.

00:34:02.000 So this poor little thing is...

00:34:04.000 It's kind of like a flying squirrel looking situation.

00:34:09.000 This is insane.

00:34:11.000 Dude, the first time I watched this I was so baked, I was like, is this a loop?

00:34:15.000 Because it looks like it's never gonna end.

00:34:16.000 It's so far.

00:34:19.000 I think he says it 500 or 600 feet or something like that.

00:34:22.000 It's so insane that this is how life gets born.

00:34:24.000 Oh my god!

00:34:26.000 And he hits the rocks, and you gotta assume he's dead.

00:34:29.000 Nope.

00:34:30.000 Oh my god, he's gonna hit more rocks!

00:34:32.000 Oh, Jesus Christ! 1.00

00:34:35.000 So many fucking rocks! 1.00

00:34:36.000 Look at this thing! 1.00

00:34:37.000 It's flipping head over heels.

00:34:39.000 It hits more rocks.

00:34:40.000 Oh, it hit a little grass there.

00:34:42.000 Caught a break.

00:34:43.000 Caught a break!

00:34:44.000 Caught a break!

00:34:45.000 That's a good break.

00:34:46.000 Look at this thing. 1.00

00:34:47.000 It's going down the side of the cliff, head over heels, head first, asshole, head to a rock. 1.00

00:34:52.000 For a second... 1.00

00:34:53.000 Asshole to a rock. 1.00

00:34:53.000 We got a minute. 1.00

00:34:54.000 We got a break.

00:34:55.000 Nope.

00:34:55.000 Never mind.

00:34:55.000 Got a little bit of a break.

00:34:56.000 Forget about it.

00:34:57.000 Right back down.

00:34:57.000 More bouncing.

00:34:59.000 Boom.

00:35:00.000 Head for...

00:35:00.000 Oh, there's your face.

00:35:01.000 There's your dick hole. 1.00

00:35:02.000 Here's a rock up your asshole. 1.00

00:35:04.000 Here's one on the side of your face. 1.00

00:35:06.000 Here's one to your eyes.

00:35:07.000 Here's one to your nose.

00:35:09.000 Oh, another hundred feet to go.

00:35:10.000 There's mom and dad. 1.00

00:35:11.000 And mom's like, is this motherfucker gonna make it? 1.00

00:35:13.000 Look, there's another one behind it. 1.00

00:35:15.000 No.

00:35:15.000 Look at this.

00:35:16.000 Boom.

00:35:16.000 How's he doing?

00:35:18.000 Fucking insane! 1.00

00:35:19.000 They stop and wait to see which ones live. 1.00

00:35:23.000 Jesus Christ!

00:35:25.000 Nature is so harsh! 0.97

00:35:27.000 I knew you would love this because I thought about you the first time I saw this and I was like, this is so fucking proof about surviving, dude. 0.92

00:35:34.000 It's so survival. 0.79

00:35:35.000 This is the most basic.

00:35:36.000 You have to leap and almost die the moment you enter the world. 1.00

00:35:39.000 That chick is tough as fuck. 1.00

00:35:42.000 Survival, dude. 1.00

00:35:42.000 That chick could go five rounds of Giorgio Petrosian and just shake it off. 1.00

00:35:48.000 Georgiou versus a chick.

00:35:50.000 Yeah, there's one that didn't make it.

00:35:51.000 I'm sure there's a ton of dead ones, man.

00:35:52.000 There's blood all over the rocks. 0.99

00:35:53.000 Oh, Jesus fucking Christ. 1.00

00:35:55.000 Yeah, you could actually hit one of those corners and it could gut you. 1.00

00:35:58.000 You know, for sure.

00:35:59.000 Yep.

00:35:59.000 I mean, this is all shale.

00:36:01.000 That stuff is so dangerous.

00:36:03.000 Oh, that one's dying. 0.94

00:36:04.000 Oh, Jamie, don't show us this.

00:36:06.000 This is so sad. 0.99

00:36:07.000 I had a bird come in my house the other day, and this poor little fucker, he flew right into the window. 0.99

00:36:12.000 Dunk! 0.99

00:36:14.000 Sorry, it makes me laugh every time I see that.

00:36:16.000 Thought he was gonna go out, and then woke up, and then flew into another window.

00:36:19.000 Full speed.

00:36:20.000 Dunk.

00:36:20.000 Out cold.

00:36:22.000 So, I thought he was probably dead.

00:36:25.000 And my daughters were going, oh no, is he gonna die?

00:36:28.000 I go, we don't know, honey.

00:36:29.000 Let's put him outside, and hopefully he'll wake up. 1.00

00:36:32.000 Fucker woke up. 1.00

00:36:33.000 He did. 1.00

00:36:34.000 Yeah, he woke up, like, five minutes later, like, shook it off and flew away.

00:36:38.000 Like, imagine if that was a person.

00:36:39.000 That thing was going, like, 30 miles an hour right into a window.

00:36:42.000 Donk! 1.00

00:36:42.000 A little tiny bird, too. 1.00

00:36:44.000 Just, he got KO'd.

00:36:45.000 But then got up and flew away.

00:36:48.000 Came back for another round.

00:36:49.000 Yeah.

00:36:49.000 I came in the house though.

00:36:50.000 It was weird. 0.99

00:36:51.000 I was at a buddy's house at this party and a fucking hummingbird flew right into the house. 0.99

00:36:57.000 Like right through the double doors. 0.99

00:36:58.000 Oh Jesus.

00:36:59.000 And was stuck in the skylights.

00:37:00.000 And it was panicking because it didn't know what to do.

00:37:02.000 Like it wasn't willing to come down.

00:37:03.000 Oh. 0.96

00:37:04.000 So, I was just fucked up enough that I was like, I have this idea, give me a fucking huge pan, the biggest pan from the kitchen, and pour sugar and water in it, heat up the sugar a little bit, and I put the pan up to it, I got on a ladder, put it up, 0.96

00:37:19.000 it started getting in there to drink the sugar water, and I slowly took it down and walked it outside. 0.99

00:37:23.000 That's some wizard shit. 0.99

00:37:25.000 I was wizardry, dude. 1.00

00:37:26.000 That's very clever.

00:37:27.000 Magic hands.

00:37:28.000 That's very smart.

00:37:29.000 You ever seen them in slow-mo, man?

00:37:31.000 They're so bizarre.

00:37:32.000 Their wings are moving so fast.

00:37:35.000 It's unbelievable.

00:37:36.000 It's insane.

00:37:36.000 It's beautiful to watch, man.

00:37:38.000 Oh, man.

00:37:39.000 I was in Costa Rica, and we went to this place that had some sort of sanctuary for them.

00:37:44.000 The Hummingbird Sanctuary.

00:37:45.000 Yeah.

00:37:45.000 Do you know what it is?

00:37:46.000 Did you see it?

00:37:46.000 I went down to Costa Rica just last year.

00:37:48.000 So they have these feeders, so you just hang out by them and take slow-mo on your iPhone, and you see the thing floating around your head?

00:37:56.000 There it is, right there.

00:37:57.000 I mean, they could just hover.

00:37:59.000 It's so crazy.

00:38:00.000 How did they evolve like this?

00:38:02.000 It's so strange.

00:38:03.000 No other bird makes that weird sound when it goes by you. 1.00

00:38:09.000 It's like they have little wings, but they move stupid fast. 0.99

00:38:13.000 How many per minute? 1.00

00:38:15.000 Does it say how many...

00:38:18.000 I know their heartbeat is insane.

00:38:19.000 Their heartbeat is like a hundred times ours or something like that.

00:38:21.000 They're so cute.

00:38:23.000 They don't seem like killers at all.

00:38:25.000 No.

00:38:25.000 Right?

00:38:25.000 They're just out there eating pollen and shit, right?

00:38:28.000 Look at that. 1.00

00:38:29.000 That's incredible.

00:38:31.000 Do they eat bugs?

00:38:33.000 Like, what do they eat?

00:38:34.000 They got that little tongue that's sticking out there. 0.99

00:38:36.000 Right, but isn't that like going for like nectar and stuff?

00:38:38.000 That's for nectar, yeah.

00:38:39.000 This is gonna have some facts for us.

00:38:42.000 Hummingbird lay one to three eggs several times per year.

00:38:44.000 Eggs are about the size of a jelly bean.

00:38:47.000 Huh.

00:38:48.000 That's not good facts.

00:38:49.000 I want to know what they eat. 1.00

00:38:50.000 Yeah, I want to know that kind of shit. 1.00

00:38:52.000 Look at that nose! 1.00

00:38:54.000 They have the craziest beaks, too. 1.00

00:38:55.000 Like, if that was a giant bird, you'd be like, what the fuck? 1.00

00:38:58.000 That's pretty sick. 1.00

00:38:59.000 Did you see what that just said?

00:39:00.000 Yeah, they have an extra set of eyelids and they can see ultraviolet.

00:39:03.000 Whoa. 0.99

00:39:04.000 That's fucking amazing. 0.99

00:39:06.000 Whoa. 1.00

00:39:07.000 That beak is crazy. 0.92

00:39:09.000 That beak's like a narwhal horn.

00:39:11.000 It's so tiny we don't notice how crazy long their beaks are.

00:39:14.000 Dude, that's the other thing.

00:39:15.000 There's no consistency of color between all the birds.

00:39:18.000 Do you know what I mean?

00:39:19.000 Usually most species have a similar color pattern.

00:39:21.000 Is there a bunch of different kinds of hummingbirds?

00:39:25.000 Oh, they do?

00:39:25.000 Insects, pollen, sap.

00:39:27.000 Tree sap.

00:39:28.000 Pollen and insects.

00:39:29.000 So they're omnivores.

00:39:32.000 Interesting, man.

00:39:33.000 Birds are a trip, dude.

00:39:35.000 They are some of the most unique animals on our planet.

00:39:38.000 I've really ignored them.

00:39:40.000 I really ignored birds until I saw my first eagle in person in the wild.

00:39:44.000 It's crazy, right?

00:39:45.000 Yeah, I was with Ari.

00:39:47.000 We were in Alaska.

00:39:50.000 We were in Anchorage.

00:39:50.000 We were going fishing.

00:39:51.000 We were salmon fishing. 0.99

00:39:53.000 We were like, dude, that's a fucking wild eagle. 0.98

00:39:55.000 And this eagle was just standing there on this branch just looking down on us. 0.99

00:39:58.000 I was like, what?

00:40:00.000 You start realizing what they really are.

00:40:01.000 Like, oh, that's like a murdering dinosaur bird that flies around and snatches fish out of the water. 0.61

00:40:07.000 It was waiting for fish.

00:40:08.000 Yeah, just chilling.

00:40:09.000 We were catching these fish, dude.

00:40:10.000 They were like this big.

00:40:11.000 This salmon.

00:40:12.000 These powerful fish.

00:40:14.000 And this eagle comes down and grabs it out of the water with his talons.

00:40:18.000 And flies with it. 0.97

00:40:19.000 It's fucking awesome. 0.97

00:40:20.000 Dude. 0.97

00:40:21.000 I started tripping out on birds after that.

00:40:23.000 Just being near them in the wild and seeing them move around.

00:40:27.000 It just seems so different than seeing them in the zoo. 0.98

00:40:33.000 They're so fucking hardcore. 0.90

00:40:34.000 Their wingspans are so amazing to me when they open up how fucking huge they are. 0.97

00:40:38.000 Whenever you see one in person, you're like, that is way bigger than I thought.

00:40:41.000 It's a view back to a much more ancient style of living thing.

00:40:48.000 You know, I mean, it's a view back to dinosaurs.

00:40:50.000 And they're starting to realize more and more dinosaurs' fossils are being found with feathers. 0.99

00:40:54.000 How many fucking birds is that? 0.99

00:40:56.000 Have you ever seen a moose in real life? 0.99

00:40:57.000 Oh yeah, I've shot a moose.

00:40:59.000 That's a moose right there.

00:41:00.000 Whenever I go up to Canada, like, have you ever been to Banff?

00:41:03.000 You know where that is in Alberta?

00:41:04.000 Yeah, I know where that is.

00:41:04.000 Dude, that has the biggest moose I've ever seen in my...

00:41:08.000 Like, I've seen moose when I was a kid, but nothing like up in northern Canada. 0.99

00:41:11.000 Dude, I mean, the size of a fucking school bus. 0.99

00:41:15.000 I mean, it's so big. 1.00

00:41:15.000 I think people think... 1.00

00:41:17.000 They think they know what a moose is because you're like, yeah, I think it's like a cow or something.

00:41:20.000 You know what I mean?

00:41:21.000 Dude, they're massive, massive animals.

00:41:23.000 They're so big.

00:41:23.000 Shocking.

00:41:24.000 It was twice the size of our car. 0.98

00:41:25.000 I was like, get the fuck out of here. 0.96

00:41:26.000 That's a moose? 0.94

00:41:27.000 Yeah.

00:41:28.000 They're so big, it's insane. 1.00

00:41:29.000 And if you run into them, like you hit them with your car, you're fucked. 1.00

00:41:32.000 Yeah, you're fucked. 1.00

00:41:33.000 They'll wreck you. 1.00

00:41:34.000 That was like growing up in the Midwest, dude.

00:41:35.000 I'd hear people getting bad car accidents with deer all the time.

00:41:38.000 These guys in Canada, there is no stories about it.

00:41:40.000 You die. 1.00

00:41:41.000 You hit a fucking... 1.00

00:41:41.000 It's not like, dude, you hear about Mike, he fucking hit a deer. 1.00

00:41:43.000 It's like, you hit a moose, it's like Mike's car exploded. 0.99

00:41:47.000 Mike is dead. 1.00

00:41:49.000 A deer will fuck you up, though. 1.00

00:41:50.000 There's a buddy of mine who lives in Oregon. 0.99

00:41:53.000 A guy on the highway in his neighborhood hit a deer.

00:41:57.000 The deer flipped over his car and hit the car behind him. 1.00

00:42:01.000 Fuck. 1.00

00:42:01.000 And went through the windshield and killed the guy. 1.00

00:42:03.000 Really?

00:42:04.000 The first guy was fine, huh?

00:42:05.000 The first guy was fine.

00:42:06.000 The deer flipped over his car.

00:42:08.000 As he hit it, it went flying through the air, and then it landed right on into this guy's car and killed him. 1.00

00:42:15.000 It was the craziest shit I ever saw. 0.99

00:42:16.000 I was like eight years old with my dad driving on the fucking Dan Ryan in Chicago. 1.00

00:42:20.000 And a car, the middle of the lane was, the fast lane was under construction. 0.99

00:42:24.000 A car went over the fucking median onto oncoming traffic and hit another car. 0.99

00:42:29.000 Oh, Jesus. 1.00

00:42:30.000 Like a hundred yards in front of us. 0.99

00:42:31.000 I watched it fucking happen. 1.00

00:42:32.000 It was the craziest shit I've ever seen in my life. 1.00

00:42:34.000 And it was like the afternoon. 1.00

00:42:35.000 I don't know if he was fucked up or what. 0.99

00:42:37.000 Right over the median, right into another car. 0.99

00:42:39.000 Gee, and you saw the whole thing?

00:42:40.000 I watched it happen.

00:42:42.000 I mean, it felt so fake when I was a kid.

00:42:44.000 I remember thinking, I remember getting older and asking my dad if it happened. 0.94

00:42:47.000 Because I thought, you know, in your childhood sometimes you're like, did I see that in a fucking thing and that wasn't real? 0.82

00:42:52.000 You know, and you formulate these different stories in your brain as a kid because, you know, that line of what's real and fake when you're so young. 0.91

00:42:59.000 But dude, I can't forget that happening.

00:43:01.000 It was crazy.

00:43:02.000 That is crazy.

00:43:03.000 Perfectly hit another car.

00:43:04.000 It was almost as if, like, magnetic. 1.00

00:43:07.000 Fucking head right head on. 1.00

00:43:09.000 Wow. 1.00

00:43:09.000 Yeah, it was wild. 1.00

00:43:11.000 I think those Fast and the Furious movies have fucked people up when it comes to like what you can and can't do in a car. 0.97

00:43:16.000 Yeah, do they jump a car from like a building and shit to another building and live? 0.99

00:43:20.000 It's fucking insane. 1.00

00:43:21.000 I mean, there's a lot of dumb kids out there that watch those movies. 1.00

00:43:24.000 They gotta be like, yo man, I gotta give that a shot. 0.99

00:43:29.000 There has to be someone who thinks that that's what's going to happen.

00:43:33.000 When they get behind the wheel, bro, I'm going to be the best ever.

00:43:35.000 I never even drove yet, but once I drive, I'm going to be the best ever. 0.99

00:43:39.000 Just fucking over, dawg. 0.99

00:43:39.000 I watch that movie all the time. 0.99

00:43:41.000 People just want to be cool.

00:43:43.000 They want to be able to downship, spin that wheel.

00:43:48.000 Do you ever watch those fail videos online of people showing off, like showboating in nice cars?

00:43:52.000 That's one of my favorite things.

00:43:53.000 Crashing.

00:43:53.000 Yeah, they're always like, some guy's like, spin the wheels, dude!

00:43:58.000 Some guy in like a fucking GTR is like, just right into the fucking wall next to him, just spin out and crash right away. 0.99

00:44:04.000 It's just, dude, it's great. 1.00

00:44:06.000 I love to see that shit. 1.00

00:44:07.000 I love to see people showing off and then right away they're fucked. 1.00

00:44:10.000 I love that shit. 1.00

00:44:12.000 Nothing funnier. 1.00

00:44:13.000 There's so many videos of that now, too.

00:44:15.000 It's almost like if you have a camera and you're pointing it at the guy, you're kind of hexing him because he's saying, man, I hope I don't fuck this up because it's going to be on every internet site, everyone's Twitter account, Instagram page.

00:44:28.000 It's like you're kind of like putting too much pressure on him.

00:44:31.000 Your accident is now shareable.

00:44:33.000 Yeah.

00:44:33.000 Your mistakes are now everyone's joy.

00:44:37.000 That's the world we're in now. 0.99

00:44:39.000 Your fuck-ups could be somebody's great Monday. 0.99

00:44:41.000 Welcome to the new world. 0.99

00:44:43.000 It's brilliant.

00:44:44.000 It's a crazy new world, man.

00:44:45.000 Didn't exist.

00:44:46.000 It was never like this. 0.99

00:44:47.000 Yeah, you didn't have to worry about someone seeing your fuck up. 0.98

00:44:50.000 How old are you? 0.99

00:44:50.000 33. I'm 49. When I was a kid, we didn't even have, like, when I was a boy. 0.99

00:44:57.000 Back in the day.

00:44:58.000 No, you heard stories. 0.98

00:45:00.000 Somebody fucked up somewhere over there. 0.94

00:45:02.000 This guy did that, you know? 0.99

00:45:03.000 That's all there was.

00:45:04.000 One guy in our town killed someone in a car. 1.00

00:45:07.000 Dragged this guy around like he got the guy stuck under his car and he just kept driving fuck Did he not know he was under there or he was like fuck it. 1.00

00:45:16.000 I don't care. 1.00

00:45:16.000 I'm going to prison They don't know they don't know if he was drunk. 1.00

00:45:19.000 I don't I don't know I don't know when he got caught either But it was a story it was in the news and I remember it was in like I was delivering newspapers at the time so I saw it like in the newspapers that I was delivering it's so weird to have known someone and And then know that they ran over somebody in a car and then dragged them around.

00:45:36.000 Yeah, I didn't know him well, but he was like one of those guys in the town.

00:45:39.000 I think he was a little older than me, but he was one of those guys that was always kind of hanging out with a nice car.

00:45:43.000 He always had like a nice Trans Am.

00:45:45.000 I was just going to say, an IROC-Z was about the... 0.97

00:45:48.000 Yeah, his family had money.

00:45:50.000 And he ran over someone and dragged him around.

00:45:52.000 There's always this thing about people whose families had money, like the rich kids.

00:45:57.000 Get away with it.

00:45:58.000 Well, it was a weird thing, too.

00:46:00.000 It's like we knew that they were like a little off.

00:46:03.000 Like you always knew that the rich kids were never like a complete human.

00:46:06.000 Right.

00:46:07.000 There was just a few of them that were just a little...

00:46:10.000 Like, if you knew they were rich... 0.83

00:46:11.000 There's probably a lot of kids that we didn't know they were rich, and they were rich, but they weren't fucked up, so it didn't come through. 0.98

00:46:17.000 But the ones that wanted everybody to know they were rich, they always had designer clothes on, and they always had the nicest shit, and they always had brand new cars. 0.97

00:46:25.000 Like, when they were 17, this guy had a brand new car. 0.96

00:46:27.000 It's almost like they're a little bit animatronic.

00:46:31.000 Like, there's something robotic about really rich kids, where it's just kind of like super...

00:46:37.000 Super high-functioning in a very, like, disconnected level because they're so unaware of what it's like to not have.

00:46:43.000 Yeah.

00:46:44.000 Well, I'm watching these shows with my kid.

00:46:46.000 We went to see this Diary of a Wimpy Kid.

00:46:49.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:46:50.000 It's actually a funny movie, man. 0.99

00:46:52.000 There's some funny shit in there. 0.98

00:46:53.000 I laughed hard a couple times in that movie. 0.99

00:46:54.000 Yeah?

00:46:55.000 I just went because they wanted to go.

00:46:57.000 But in this movie, one of the things that really strikes home is everyone is struggling. 1.00

00:47:03.000 This fucking kid is... 0.99

00:47:04.000 Everything is falling apart, always, constantly. 1.00

00:47:06.000 And because of that, he's kind of got a fun personality.

00:47:10.000 He gets checked all the time.

00:47:11.000 As soon as he gets cocky, he gets crushed again.

00:47:14.000 It just keeps happening.

00:47:16.000 And there's a whole series of these movies.

00:47:18.000 But that's not happening to the rich kid that I grew up with. 1.00

00:47:23.000 No, fuck no. 1.00

00:47:23.000 That's... 1.00

00:47:25.000 Why, probably when he hit the guy in his car and had the guy stuck under his car, he didn't know what the fuck to do. 1.00

00:47:30.000 Yeah, he's fucked. 1.00

00:47:31.000 I mean, he just thought he was gonna get away with whatever. 1.00

00:47:34.000 He figured...

00:47:35.000 I just gotta get away from the cops.

00:47:36.000 I gotta get away.

00:47:37.000 I'll just clean the car.

00:47:38.000 There was a kid I went to high school with that had a hit-and-run.

00:47:42.000 And he got away with it. 0.97

00:47:45.000 I mean, obviously, I didn't know it was this kid I went to high school with, but he got away with it for a long fucking time. 0.99

00:47:48.000 It was such a public story that a famous NASCAR driver at the time painted her name on his car, like, find so-and-so's killer, because it was such a fucking big deal. 0.99

00:47:58.000 Whew. 0.96

00:47:58.000 This girl that was hit and run and he came out years later. 0.96

00:48:02.000 This is crazy. 0.98

00:48:03.000 He was pilled the pilled the fuck up and he showed up to her sister's house and admitted the whole thing to her sister and was saying he was gonna like run away kill himself whatever and she cleverly she spoke Polish she told her husband to fucking call the cops and was trying to calm this kid down in the meanwhile telling him to call the cops and they finally caught this kid before he could fucking off himself or something but he killed this girl on a hit and run and thought he and got for what it's worth got away with it for a long time man Thank you. 0.98

00:48:29.000 But he was probably not a bad person.

00:48:31.000 He just was weak at the time and it haunted him.

00:48:33.000 Yeah, it had to come out. 1.00

00:48:35.000 Fuck, man. 1.00

00:48:36.000 Crazy, right? 1.00

00:48:36.000 That's a mistake that if you make, God damn it. 1.00

00:48:39.000 Does shit like that happen from your area of where you grew up? 1.00

00:48:42.000 Do you read stuff now, years later, that you hear about fucked up shit from back then that has gotten exposed now? 0.99

00:48:48.000 No. 1.00

00:48:48.000 Like these teachers I knew ran a fucking prostitution ring. 1.00

00:48:51.000 What? 1.00

00:48:52.000 Teachers did?

00:48:53.000 It came out in the paper.

00:48:54.000 The teachers did.

00:48:55.000 The teachers, dude.

00:48:56.000 The old shop teacher, his daughter... 1.00

00:48:58.000 The shop teacher is a fucking pimp. 1.00

00:49:01.000 The shop teacher is a pimp. 1.00

00:49:02.000 The shop teacher was pimpin' dude. 0.99

00:49:03.000 That's insane.

00:49:04.000 Who are the girls? 1.00

00:49:05.000 The girls were high school students? 1.00

00:49:06.000 No, not high school students. 0.99

00:49:08.000 They were fucking just like girls in the community. 1.00

00:49:10.000 Probably girls that went to high school and graduated, but older girls that they were pimping out. 1.00

00:49:14.000 From the school.

00:49:15.000 They were pimping from school.

00:49:16.000 What school was this?

00:49:17.000 This was out in the suburbs of Chicago.

00:49:19.000 Wow.

00:49:20.000 Here's the question.

00:49:21.000 If they did make prostitution legal, they set it up just like you can go get a massage, you can go have sex with somebody, how much would that change the notion of marriage, relationships?

00:49:31.000 Nobody's getting married.

00:49:34.000 That's it.

00:49:35.000 It's over.

00:49:36.000 It's over.

00:49:37.000 It's only a law that's keeping what percentage of people married. 1.00

00:49:42.000 I mean, you said it before when we touched on this prior.

00:49:46.000 The reason that we make it okay is because the church gets involved, right?

00:49:49.000 So if the church says it's okay... 0.65

00:49:50.000 It's like my dad was a drug addict growing up.

00:49:52.000 My dad was in and out of prison my whole life when I was a kid.

00:49:55.000 And my mother divorced my father when I was one.

00:49:57.000 So I don't really have any recollection of any of that.

00:49:59.000 So I don't have that damage that people are like, my dad got divorced when we were 16. I didn't see it.

00:50:03.000 I didn't know it.

00:50:04.000 But my mom came from such a hardcore Irish Catholic world that my family...

00:50:10.000 The older generation didn't approve and was like, you can't divorce this man.

00:50:15.000 That's against our religion. 1.00

00:50:17.000 And my mom was like, he's a fucking terrible person to me. 1.00

00:50:21.000 I have to get out of this relationship. 0.99

00:50:23.000 And now she was just, they were both young.

00:50:25.000 You know, she just wanted to make the right move for a baby. 1.00

00:50:27.000 But the church has so much influence on certain parts of society that my grandmother was like...

00:50:33.000 Almost disowning.

00:50:35.000 But that's such a reality for that generation that it was like, how could you...

00:50:39.000 What do you mean divorce?

00:50:41.000 I mean, that's like, you're going to hell.

00:50:44.000 Like, that's it. 0.91

00:50:44.000 You're done. 0.91

00:50:46.000 So my mom had that kind of fuck up in her brain of like, that That's how much influence the church has over marriage and coupling and it's crazy. 1.00

00:50:55.000 It's fucking crazy. 1.00

00:50:56.000 It's unbelievably ridiculous that people succumb to that. 1.00

00:50:59.000 It's so crazy. 0.98

00:51:00.000 It's controlling, man. 0.99

00:51:01.000 Well, the Catholic Church in particular is one of the weirdest ones ever. 1.00

00:51:05.000 Oh, it's so strange. 0.97

00:51:05.000 It's just the insanely high percentage of people that are involved in child abuse. 0.97

00:51:10.000 Yeah.

00:51:11.000 I mean, what other religion has that connected to it like that?

00:51:14.000 There's none.

00:51:17.000 Muslim is the biggest in the world, right? 0.99

00:51:19.000 The biggest religion?

00:51:20.000 In the world, right?

00:51:21.000 I think it is.

00:51:22.000 If it's not, Christianity is. 0.97

00:51:23.000 Yeah, they're probably toe-to-toe.

00:51:25.000 Either way, you don't hear about that. 1.00

00:51:27.000 So are they covering up shit? 0.98

00:51:29.000 It's not the same thing. 1.00

00:51:31.000 The thing about the priests and the priests being forced to be celibate and then spending time with boys, that shit has always gone bad. 1.00

00:51:40.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:51:40.000 Forcing guys to be celibate, bad. 1.00

00:51:42.000 Forcing guys to hang out with boys, bad.

00:51:44.000 Awful. 0.99

00:51:45.000 Weird shit's gonna happen if there's no parents in the room. 0.99

00:51:49.000 Dude, as soon as you deprive someone of something, they are going to have it. 0.99

00:51:53.000 They want it immediately.

00:51:54.000 And then you attach to it the ultimate power that comes from being a representative of God.

00:51:58.000 Yeah.

00:51:59.000 Like, you're wearing a priest's outfit to a little kid. 1.00

00:52:02.000 Like, that kid will suck your dick. 1.00

00:52:03.000 He'll do anything you say. 1.00

00:52:04.000 He doesn't know what's going on.

00:52:05.000 He's a baby.

00:52:07.000 Ooh, crazy.

00:52:08.000 It's so dark, dude. 0.57

00:52:09.000 Deep, dark mind control.

00:52:10.000 And when you find out how many of them...

00:52:13.000 Yeah, that's the thing.

00:52:14.000 It's not just one.

00:52:15.000 It's not just ten. 0.99

00:52:16.000 The more you hear, the more you're like, dude, this is not a fucking accident. 0.97

00:52:21.000 These aren't coincidences. 0.97

00:52:22.000 This isn't like a conspiracy.

00:52:24.000 This is a fact that this is rampant, and it's crazy.

00:52:28.000 It's crazy because it's still happening.

00:52:29.000 No, they don't talk about it.

00:52:30.000 Yeah, it's like it's, you know...

00:52:31.000 Well, how about that Benedict guy, the Pope that had to resign?

00:52:34.000 They found out that he had been involved in the moving of these child molesters from one place to another place.

00:52:40.000 Keeping them clean.

00:52:41.000 They would close the story down, shut everybody up, and then move that guy to another place.

00:52:45.000 And one of the guys went on to molest 100 deaf kids.

00:52:49.000 What?

00:52:50.000 Yeah. 0.94

00:52:51.000 He molested 100 deaf kids. 0.93

00:52:54.000 And he was put into that position by this guy who wound up being the Pope. 0.89

00:52:58.000 A hundred deaf kids.

00:52:59.000 A hundred deaf kids.

00:53:00.000 Yeah, it was...

00:53:00.000 It's horrible, man.

00:53:02.000 It's fucking awful. 1.00

00:53:02.000 There's so much involved in it. 1.00

00:53:05.000 There's so many people that covered shit up. 0.78

00:53:07.000 There's so many different versions of these stories. 0.96

00:53:09.000 So many stories.

00:53:11.000 Thousands and thousands of stories of people molested by priests.

00:53:14.000 Yeah. 0.92

00:53:15.000 Crazy.

00:53:15.000 And if you bring it up, immediately you get people defending it.

00:53:19.000 No, no, no.

00:53:20.000 Look, you're exaggerating.

00:53:22.000 I've said this before. 0.99

00:53:24.000 Imagine if NASCAR drivers fucked that many kids. 1.00

00:53:28.000 It'd be shut down. 1.00

00:53:29.000 Shut the fuck down. 1.00

00:53:31.000 But because it's the church, we're like, well, let's, you know, but there's good things, too. 1.00

00:53:34.000 They're working for God.

00:53:36.000 Okay. 1.00

00:53:37.000 It's crazy that any organization can have a history of fucking kids. 0.99

00:53:41.000 We're working for God. 1.00

00:53:41.000 Is God's side job fucking children? 1.00

00:53:43.000 Because it's not, whatever it is, it's not working. 0.99

00:53:45.000 But we forgive them.

00:53:47.000 It's not all bad.

00:53:48.000 We don't want to break the whole thing up.

00:53:50.000 Definitely don't want to do that.

00:53:51.000 No, stealing is not bad. 0.99

00:53:53.000 Fucking a kid is the same as, like, some minor bullshit infraction in society. 1.00

00:53:58.000 Thousands and thousands of cases, maybe even millions of cases. 1.00

00:54:02.000 And then still, you have these world leaders, like Trump met with the Pope, the Pope was all bummed out. 1.00

00:54:07.000 Trump should be like, I'm bummed out to be next to you, motherfucker. 0.99

00:54:10.000 What about what you represent? 1.00

00:54:12.000 You mad at me because I'm pulling out of the climbing accord? 0.99

00:54:14.000 What about all the kid fucking, bro? 1.00

00:54:16.000 Did you bring up the kid fucking? 1.00

00:54:18.000 He's been fucking kids. 1.00

00:54:19.000 Oh, that's right. 1.00

00:54:20.000 You do a good Trump.

00:54:21.000 Have you seen the pictures of Trump with the Pope?

00:54:23.000 Yeah, dude.

00:54:24.000 The Pope's totally dissing Trump.

00:54:25.000 The Pope is real bummed.

00:54:26.000 The Pope should relax. 1.00

00:54:28.000 He should slow his fucking roll. 1.00

00:54:29.000 You're part of a giant kid fucking ring. 1.00

00:54:31.000 Yeah, who do you think you are? 1.00

00:54:32.000 Yeah, you're getting cocky because the billionaire guy who tricked America into voting for him is uncomfortable.

00:54:37.000 Do you know what the thing that bothers me the most is? 0.99

00:54:40.000 The church is all about fucking the community and the people. 0.99

00:54:42.000 They don't pay taxes on all this great real estate they own. 1.00

00:54:45.000 Tons of it.

00:54:45.000 How come they can't house homeless people or sick people in those churches all day long while they're there?

00:54:49.000 That's free property.

00:54:50.000 Yeah.

00:54:50.000 I don't understand.

00:54:51.000 There it is. 1.00

00:54:52.000 Yeah, fucking pissed. 1.00

00:54:54.000 Trump's like, my hair looks good. 1.00

00:54:55.000 It's a good hair day.

00:54:56.000 It's a good hair day.

00:54:58.000 Pope, you like my hair.

00:55:00.000 Touch it, it's real.

00:55:01.000 I swear.

00:55:01.000 I got it done.

00:55:02.000 The guy that I used went to Tony and Guy, the hairstylist school.

00:55:04.000 The color of his hair is like the color of every retired Florida golfer in his 70s. 0.99

00:55:10.000 It's fucking so gross. 0.99

00:55:12.000 He's got this weird blonde-gray thing going on. 1.00

00:55:15.000 It's like he moves it around a little.

00:55:17.000 Like, some days it's like a darker brown, some days it's like a blonde.

00:55:21.000 Blonde-gray.

00:55:22.000 It's just like sand.

00:55:23.000 He's getting it worked on, is what I'm saying.

00:55:25.000 Like, this is not the color of the hair.

00:55:27.000 You do one of two things.

00:55:29.000 Let me be clear about this.

00:55:30.000 Either you work on your hair, or you don't work on your hair.

00:55:33.000 Okay? 1.00

00:55:34.000 So either you dye your fucking hair, or you don't dye your hair. 1.00

00:55:37.000 It's one of those two things. 1.00

00:55:39.000 How fucking weird. 0.97

00:55:40.000 And when you dye your hair, be consistent. 0.99

00:55:42.000 You can't go gray and then be blonde again and then be dark haired.

00:55:46.000 It's too confusing to me.

00:55:48.000 I need to know what kind of a person are you.

00:55:50.000 Like, how much are you working on your hair?

00:55:52.000 What's your level of hair care?

00:55:54.000 How much time are you spending putting that together every day?

00:55:57.000 Did Donald Trump change his hair?

00:55:58.000 Of course he did. 1.00

00:55:59.000 Fucking obviously. 1.00

00:56:00.000 Of course he did. 1.00

00:56:00.000 Yeah, he's changed his hair color. 1.00

00:56:02.000 He's moving it around.

00:56:04.000 His hair is probably very gray at this point.

00:56:06.000 He's in his 70s.

00:56:07.000 There's nothing wrong with that. 0.99

00:56:08.000 What did you think about all this Kathy Griffin shit? 1.00

00:56:10.000 She's ridiculous. 1.00

00:56:11.000 It's fucking insane. 1.00

00:56:12.000 She needs friends. 0.99

00:56:13.000 Why are you doing that?

00:56:14.000 It's just, it's 100% an attention ploy.

00:56:15.000 What a call for attention, man. 1.00

00:56:16.000 What a bullshit. 1.00

00:56:17.000 It's being edgy. 1.00

00:56:19.000 She thought she was being edgy. 0.99

00:56:20.000 And she probably was talking with the wrong people and got the wrong idea in her head and went with it and had no one like you around to go, what the fuck are you talking about? 0.99

00:56:29.000 That's the president. 0.99

00:56:30.000 And it's a person.

00:56:32.000 Yeah, it's a human.

00:56:32.000 Yeah, you can't pretend you want to murder him ISIS style and hold his head up to the camera like a hostage video.

00:56:38.000 That's fucking crazy. 0.99

00:56:40.000 I think it's just... 0.99

00:56:42.000 It's one of those things where both parties, both extreme left and extreme right, are at such a heightened version of what's happening that people are becoming blind to, like, logic.

00:56:55.000 Yes.

00:56:56.000 You're 100% right.

00:56:57.000 Logic is like, it's gone.

00:56:59.000 Yeah. 0.98

00:56:59.000 You would fucking never. 0.98

00:57:01.000 If somebody did that with Obama, holy shit. 1.00

00:57:05.000 Oh my god. 1.00

00:57:06.000 Oh my god. 0.99

00:57:06.000 I mean, the fucking world would stop spinning. 0.99

00:57:08.000 There'd be so much chaos from that. 1.00

00:57:11.000 It would be an insane thing to see that happen.

00:57:15.000 Well, look, it's just, that's not anyone's solution.

00:57:21.000 Like, that's not a real, like, holding up that head is not a real solution. 0.97

00:57:25.000 Like, killing anybody like that. 0.99

00:57:26.000 It's a taunt. 1.00

00:57:27.000 Not only that, even if it's, like, the worst person in the world, cutting their head off and holding it up like that is fucking barbaric. 0.99

00:57:32.000 We wouldn't even want that from Osama bin Laden. 0.98

00:57:35.000 If we found the video of Osama bin Laden and one of the SEALs held him down and cut his head off and then held it up to the camera, we'd be fucking extremely, like, what are we doing? 0.99

00:57:43.000 Why didn't you just kill him? 1.00

00:57:44.000 Kill him. 1.00

00:57:45.000 Shoot him again. 1.00

00:57:46.000 We're not torturing them. 1.00

00:57:47.000 We're not trying to terrorize all these other people.

00:57:48.000 We are not going to become what we're afraid of.

00:57:51.000 Right.

00:57:51.000 Right?

00:57:51.000 I mean, that's what she's doing.

00:57:52.000 By holding that head up, you are becoming what you are afraid of. 0.99

00:57:56.000 You're becoming a monster. 0.99

00:57:58.000 You're dead-faced. 1.00

00:57:59.000 You're not even emotionally attached to the fact that you're holding up this bloody head. 0.92

00:58:03.000 No. 0.90

00:58:03.000 Like, what kind of nonsense, false imagery is this? 0.90

00:58:06.000 Like, you don't really think that.

00:58:08.000 You don't really feel that.

00:58:08.000 Is it art?

00:58:09.000 Like, what is it?

00:58:10.000 Is it art?

00:58:11.000 I'm sure that's what the argument from her sake was.

00:58:13.000 It's an artistic piece with a photographer who's...

00:58:16.000 But it's about a real person.

00:58:18.000 It's not Medusa.

00:58:19.000 It's not like a dragon's head you're holding up.

00:58:21.000 This is crazy.

00:58:23.000 If it's your own head, you can make a funny statement.

00:58:26.000 If you're trying to make a statement, sure.

00:58:27.000 But it's like, what are you doing?

00:58:28.000 You're terrorizing that person.

00:58:30.000 I know everybody thinks that the president has to assume a certain amount of mockery, and I agree that he does.

00:58:37.000 Sure.

00:58:37.000 I agree.

00:58:37.000 Everybody in any position of power like that, you're gonna have people coming at you.

00:58:41.000 Of course.

00:58:41.000 But there's a difference between that and advocating a brutal assassination and terror video.

00:58:49.000 Head removal, no less.

00:58:51.000 No one's going to be sympathetic towards your idea.

00:58:55.000 And in fact, you're going to empower the people that are opposed to you. 0.99

00:58:58.000 Because they're going to think, oh, these people are these crazy ideologues who want to literally promote the murder and torture of someone, cutting their head off. 0.99

00:59:08.000 The whole thing is crazy. 0.96

00:59:10.000 But it's just something that people do where they're trying to get attention, or they're trying to entertain, or they're trying to be shocking.

00:59:16.000 They're just...

00:59:17.000 It's a continuation of trying to be in people's frontal lobe, you know?

00:59:25.000 It's like people in Hollywood at some point just want to stay in Hollywood.

00:59:29.000 And I feel like that's what she does a lot. 0.96

00:59:32.000 I want to do something controversial on the fucking New Year's Eve host that she does or whatever so she can stay in Hollywood. 1.00

00:59:38.000 This great director once told me that imagine if this is an actor and As if we're the sun and the earth and moving around one another. 0.98

00:59:50.000 Just like an actor in a spotlight.

00:59:51.000 It's as if the spotlight is on the actor at some point.

00:59:55.000 But when it moves away, if the actor tried to move towards it, is when it becomes sad.

00:59:59.000 When it's shifted out of your line of sight, when your work and your progress has Shifted as if your time perhaps may be coming to a close as far as it's worth.

01:00:08.000 When you are continuing to search for it, there's nothing more desperate and more obvious.

01:00:12.000 He's like, you can always see when someone's hunting for it again.

01:00:17.000 It looks sad.

01:00:18.000 It looks...

01:00:19.000 It looks desperate.

01:00:20.000 It's also contrary to the very reason people like you in the first place.

01:00:24.000 Like, people like you because you're doing things they enjoy.

01:00:27.000 Exactly.

01:00:27.000 You're doing good work.

01:00:28.000 You're doing good comedy.

01:00:29.000 You're making a good movie. 1.00

01:00:30.000 Whatever the fuck you do. 1.00

01:00:31.000 Making a good song. 1.00

01:00:32.000 That's why they like you.

01:00:33.000 They don't want to like you because you're trying to get attention.

01:00:36.000 Yeah.

01:00:37.000 Or that you're trying to get people to just...

01:00:41.000 I mean, what is that?

01:00:43.000 What do you get out of holding a head?

01:00:46.000 Like, what kind of attention?

01:00:46.000 Do you get like a, yeah!

01:00:48.000 What did she think?

01:00:49.000 Yeah, you go, girl.

01:00:50.000 Like, yeah, we're with you. 1.00

01:00:51.000 Fuck him. 1.00

01:00:52.000 Kill him. 1.00

01:00:53.000 Like, there's people that do think like that, and they could have easily been right. 1.00

01:00:57.000 They might be left.

01:00:59.000 They could have easily been right.

01:01:00.000 It's a way of thinking.

01:01:02.000 And you get that way of thinking, and then you program yourself.

01:01:05.000 You get locked into this predetermined pattern of behavior.

01:01:08.000 Like, all right-wing people, like, a giant percentage of them, Have like an established series of opinions about certain things that we count on because they're the right, right?

01:01:20.000 Like abortion, or even it used to be gay marriage was one of them. 0.82

01:01:24.000 There's always a bunch of them that are just...

01:01:26.000 Climate change is one of them.

01:01:28.000 Like it's like halfway there, maybe 25% of them hardcore on the right.

01:01:33.000 Whereas the left, climate change is almost 100% accepted.

01:01:36.000 Right?

01:01:36.000 Without question.

01:01:38.000 It's weird.

01:01:38.000 Like how do these ideas become right or left ideas?

01:01:42.000 Yeah, who logged them into the database of which side do they belong on?

01:01:45.000 It's talking points.

01:01:46.000 People on Fox News start talking about it.

01:01:49.000 People agree with it. 0.59

01:01:50.000 They like convenient things.

01:01:51.000 Ah, it's a cycle.

01:01:52.000 It comes and goes.

01:01:53.000 Don't worry about it.

01:01:54.000 What we need is jobs.

01:01:55.000 And then they run with that.

01:01:57.000 And it's this predetermined pattern that people just love to fall into, man.

01:02:03.000 It's weird.

01:02:04.000 It's creepy.

01:02:05.000 There should no longer be separation of just permanent party.

01:02:08.000 It shouldn't be you're always left and always right. 1.00

01:02:10.000 That's so fucked up. 1.00

01:02:12.000 We're too vulnerable. 1.00

01:02:13.000 I feel it myself.

01:02:14.000 I feel myself the urge to be a part of groups.

01:02:17.000 I do it all the time.

01:02:18.000 We all do.

01:02:19.000 We all do.

01:02:20.000 That is nature and habit, right?

01:02:24.000 Everyone wants to belong to a community.

01:02:25.000 That's why fraternities exist. 0.51

01:02:27.000 That's why when you join a gym, you start to...

01:02:29.000 You know the moment you join a gym, you start to see people repetitively that you know, and it starts off with a...

01:02:34.000 Hey, what's up?

01:02:34.000 That guy you see all the time, and then it's...

01:02:36.000 Hey, man, I'm...

01:02:37.000 Oh, yeah, I'm...

01:02:38.000 And then it becomes a relationship you create because it's communal.

01:02:41.000 Because, oh, we both do this thing, we both enjoy it.

01:02:43.000 I see you often, we do this thing.

01:02:44.000 We create tribes.

01:02:46.000 We love haciendas.

01:02:47.000 We like to be a part of our little tribe.

01:02:49.000 And when it gets infiltrated, you become vulnerable.

01:02:54.000 You feel like the walls are weakening.

01:02:55.000 It's almost like when the word gentrification...

01:02:58.000 Gentrification really just means A tribes area has been compromised, you know, it's like this has been this for so long when white people or people of privilege or money move into anywhere They're trying to overtake that tribe.

01:03:15.000 That's why there's so much backlash. 0.93

01:03:16.000 That's why people fucking Get so angry about neighborhoods turning over quote-unquote because they're like what can be ours? 0.97

01:03:23.000 That's it's such a fucking delicate thing because you're like You can't stop that you're never gonna stop that Well, not only that, there's a game being played, and you're a part of it because you're paying rent. 0.98

01:03:34.000 Yep. 0.97

01:03:35.000 And there's a game being played, you're a part of it when you're working.

01:03:38.000 You're getting paid for your time.

01:03:39.000 Now you have to decide what you're going to do with that time.

01:03:42.000 And you might feel very stuck in this game that you're at right now, where you're paying this guy for rent, and you're working for that guy, and he's giving you a certain amount of money, and it all kind of evens out at the end, there's nothing left over.

01:03:53.000 But you're still playing a game.

01:03:54.000 This guy's playing the game too, but he's been playing it for 35 years, and his game is I buy houses.

01:03:58.000 Right.

01:03:58.000 And I sell them to white people.

01:04:00.000 And I'm going to keep playing that fucking game, because this is all legal, and this is why you pay me rent, stupid. 1.00

01:04:05.000 It's a fucking, we know the game. 1.00

01:04:07.000 It's a fucking game. 1.00

01:04:07.000 But the game is, I'm 30 years ahead of the game than you. 1.00

01:04:09.000 Right. 1.00

01:04:09.000 And, you know, I'm a 70-year-old guy with a fucking pocket protector filled with pens, and I've got a bunch of apartment buildings all over the place, and I flip those fuckers. 1.00

01:04:17.000 There's a lot of those guys out there. 0.99

01:04:19.000 Like, this gentrification thing, I know it's uncomfortable for people.

01:04:23.000 They're like, we're losing the old neighborhood. 0.99

01:04:24.000 Like, let's go back to the fucking teepees. 1.00

01:04:27.000 Let's go back to the cave. 1.00

01:04:28.000 We lost the old caves, man.

01:04:30.000 We're not the same once we moved out of the cave.

01:04:32.000 It's gonna happen.

01:04:33.000 Neighborhoods shift.

01:04:34.000 Things change.

01:04:35.000 You can't hold them back. 0.98

01:04:36.000 You can't decide, no, we want this neighborhood to stay shitty. 0.99

01:04:39.000 Or we want this neighborhood to be all Puerto Rican. 0.99

01:04:41.000 Well, listen, sometimes it doesn't work that way.

01:04:43.000 Some people die.

01:04:44.000 New people move in.

01:04:45.000 Do you really care if Swedish people move in your neighborhood?

01:04:48.000 You know, we're losing Chinatown. 0.99

01:04:50.000 What do we do?

01:04:50.000 Are you going to be okay?

01:04:51.000 Is it okay if you live here?

01:04:54.000 There's going to be change.

01:04:55.000 It's going to come and go.

01:04:56.000 You can't control it.

01:04:57.000 You can't control it based on nostalgia.

01:04:59.000 This has always been East Harlem's finest Slovakia place.

01:05:04.000 We have to keep it.

01:05:06.000 Like, no we don't.

01:05:07.000 No one has to do anything.

01:05:08.000 I do love East Harlem's famous Slovakia place, I will say.

01:05:11.000 I don't even know what that is.

01:05:11.000 It's not even a thing.

01:05:12.000 I was searching for a word.

01:05:14.000 That happens when restaurants close and people get furious. 1.00

01:05:18.000 Yeah, someone doesn't have to fucking keep the restaurant open, stupid. 1.00

01:05:20.000 Things change. 1.00

01:05:21.000 I was just up in Seattle and these Costa Rican guys I started talking to at the Fremont Brewery were telling me about this great Caribbean food place up the street.

01:05:31.000 And I said, what makes it so great?

01:05:33.000 And he's like, you know, it's just a recipe.

01:05:36.000 Because the guy that used to own it was this great, this Cuban guy.

01:05:39.000 Just a brilliant chef.

01:05:41.000 And he got sued for illegal wage garnishing of these illegal employees that couldn't speak English. 0.98

01:05:47.000 So he got sued, so the city shut him the fuck down. 0.99

01:05:49.000 Some other fucking white, rich guy came in, bought the recipes from the guy to help him out with his lawsuit. 0.99

01:05:55.000 Still runs. 1.00

01:05:56.000 Wow.

01:05:57.000 Just as good.

01:05:58.000 It can be done if someone does it correctly, I guess.

01:06:01.000 He bought the recipes.

01:06:03.000 The mistake, I think, when people buy a bar or buy a place, they think they're buying the place.

01:06:07.000 Nah, there's more than just the brick and mortar.

01:06:10.000 There's more to it than that.

01:06:11.000 So he knew the food success was because of the way he did it.

01:06:16.000 It's not just a Cuban restaurant or a Caribbean restaurant.

01:06:19.000 He was like, I want to do it exactly how you did it.

01:06:20.000 So he paid for him.

01:06:22.000 To give him those recipes.

01:06:23.000 Just the recipe?

01:06:24.000 Did he show him how he was cooking it too?

01:06:26.000 He paid him for the recipes and I don't know the rest of the details.

01:06:29.000 But that is to get it back to where it was.

01:06:32.000 And this dude from Costa Rica was like, still the same. 0.63

01:06:34.000 I fucking love it. 0.98

01:06:35.000 Wow. 0.99

01:06:35.000 He was a couple of white guys that are back there now. 0.99

01:06:37.000 He's the same food.

01:06:38.000 It doesn't mean that I don't appreciate people that live in these neighborhoods that are being forced out.

01:06:42.000 You're going to have to get a new place to live and you can't afford it.

01:06:45.000 You can't afford to live in the neighborhood anymore because people are buying it up.

01:06:48.000 I get it. 0.84

01:06:49.000 I understand that it sucks.

01:06:50.000 But ultimately... 0.69

01:06:51.000 It's probably good for everybody.

01:06:53.000 It's definitely good for the neighborhood.

01:06:55.000 The neighborhood's going to get these nice houses now, and people are going to move in.

01:06:59.000 It's going to be more value if you did buy a place.

01:07:01.000 If you did take the risk and bought a place, that place is going to be worth more money now.

01:07:05.000 I know maybe you couldn't buy a place.

01:07:07.000 It's hard to buy a place when I get paid.

01:07:09.000 I get it, but you don't have to do that.

01:07:11.000 I know you feel like you have to do that, and you can come up with a bunch of excuses, and everybody could argue all day long about white privilege, and you're lucky, and this and that, but the bottom line is, you're not in a cage, alright?

01:07:23.000 If you're not in a cage, and you're out there doing something, you could figure out a way, maybe it's a month from now, maybe it's six months from now, to transition into something else, figure your way through the maze.

01:07:32.000 Right.

01:07:32.000 We don't all start at the same spot in the maze.

01:07:34.000 Nope.

01:07:34.000 Agreed.

01:07:35.000 Couldn't.

01:07:35.000 But, don't ever complain about your spot in the maze.

01:07:38.000 Just figure your way through that thing.

01:07:40.000 Right, you're in the maze. 0.99

01:07:41.000 Yeah, it sucks. 0.99

01:07:42.000 Definitely hard. 0.99

01:07:43.000 Not easy.

01:07:44.000 Keep moving.

01:07:45.000 Keep moving. 1.00

01:07:46.000 Don't jam this up with your tears, you fuck. 1.00

01:07:48.000 Keep moving! 1.00

01:07:51.000 You don't understand capitalism, and that's why I'm a socialist.

01:07:54.000 Okay?

01:07:55.000 Just keep moving, though.

01:07:56.000 You're just talking too much.

01:07:57.000 You're not moving enough.

01:07:58.000 Go do it.

01:07:59.000 Yeah, there's not enough happening here.

01:08:00.000 There's complaining about other things happening.

01:08:02.000 I get it.

01:08:03.000 I get it.

01:08:04.000 It's not good.

01:08:04.000 The climate change agreement is a terrible thing to leave.

01:08:08.000 It's a bad thing to leave.

01:08:10.000 His own daughter told him not to leave.

01:08:12.000 But I never liked croissants, so we gotta get out of Paris.

01:08:16.000 She did.

01:08:17.000 His own daughter was like, this is a bad idea. 1.00

01:08:19.000 This guy's crazy. 0.97

01:08:21.000 He's going against science. 1.00

01:08:23.000 He is perfectly out of his fucking mind. 1.00

01:08:25.000 He's going against science. 1.00

01:08:26.000 Like, the scientists are saying, hey, we've gotta reduce emissions.

01:08:31.000 100%.

01:08:31.000 We're polluting the air we breathe.

01:08:34.000 We're ruining the very air that we need to exist on.

01:08:38.000 Yep.

01:08:38.000 No.

01:08:39.000 Not true.

01:08:40.000 Don't agree.

01:08:41.000 Fake news.

01:08:42.000 We bought new air.

01:08:43.000 There's so much air.

01:08:44.000 Have you ever seen how much air there is?

01:08:46.000 Maybe he's doing this because he's about to move into position to use one of those gigantic building-sized air filter things.

01:08:53.000 Maybe he's going to have a Trump air filter and set them up in every city.

01:08:57.000 You could all go back and buy diesel trucks and no one's going to care anymore.

01:09:01.000 We're going to clean that air nice.

01:09:02.000 It's kind of like Idiocracy.

01:09:04.000 Did you ever see that movie?

01:09:05.000 So ahead of its time, man.

01:09:06.000 I never saw that movie.

01:09:07.000 Dude, it was that kind of thing where the future is like, they don't drink water anymore.

01:09:09.000 They'd be convinced by this, this like Gatorade type drink where it's like, this is better than water.

01:09:14.000 And people are like, it's gotta be. 0.99

01:09:15.000 So everyone fucking drinks it. 0.99

01:09:17.000 That makes sense. 1.00

01:09:18.000 They're like, it's better than water.

01:09:19.000 If you can convince enough people what it is, people will get on board.

01:09:23.000 Blind faith.

01:09:24.000 I'm trying to talk about that on stage right now, about blind.

01:09:26.000 We have so much blind faith.

01:09:28.000 Like, I went to the gas station to get this thing.

01:09:30.000 I ate a brownie.

01:09:31.000 It was like a protein-packed brownie or whatever.

01:09:35.000 I just trusted that that's all real. 0.97

01:09:37.000 I don't fucking know. 1.00

01:09:38.000 It's probably just a bullshit ass brownie, but it's like packed with protein. 1.00

01:09:41.000 Yeah, if you actually got the real statistics on it. 1.00

01:09:43.000 Yeah, it's probably bullshit. 0.99

01:09:44.000 Yeah, there it is. 1.00

01:09:45.000 It's got what plants craved.

01:09:46.000 It's got electrolytes.

01:09:48.000 It was brilliant.

01:09:49.000 What was the name of the stuff?

01:09:50.000 What was it called?

01:09:51.000 Did it say what it was called?

01:09:52.000 The juice.

01:09:53.000 It was like, but it looked like Gatorade. 0.99

01:09:54.000 It was like, they were watering their plants with it and shit. 0.99

01:09:57.000 Nothing was alive anymore. 1.00

01:09:59.000 But out of the sink would come this fucking Gatorade type looking drink. 1.00

01:10:03.000 Brondo. 1.00

01:10:04.000 That's right.

01:10:05.000 Brondo!

01:10:06.000 The thirst mutilator. 1.00

01:10:08.000 Fuck your thirst! 1.00

01:10:10.000 That's hilarious. 1.00

01:10:11.000 I need to watch that movie.

01:10:12.000 Click on that picture all the way over.

01:10:16.000 Down at the left.

01:10:18.000 That one.

01:10:19.000 Yeah, look at that.

01:10:20.000 That's what the world has become.

01:10:21.000 That makes sense.

01:10:22.000 You see the size of that Costco?

01:10:24.000 That's hilarious.

01:10:26.000 That could happen.

01:10:27.000 Totally.

01:10:28.000 That's all totally possible.

01:10:30.000 Have you been watching this Handmaid's Tale?

01:10:31.000 No, what is that?

01:10:32.000 No?

01:10:33.000 Do you know about this?

01:10:33.000 What is it?

01:10:34.000 On Hulu, man.

01:10:35.000 What is it?

01:10:36.000 There's a book written, I want to say 20 years ago.

01:10:40.000 Elizabeth Moss is a star of it.

01:10:42.000 It's essentially about if World War III broke out and we became like an ultimate police state and there was like a sub-government that took over and we went back to essentially biblical times when women who were fertile We're used for the rich as handmaids for making babies. 0.70

01:10:58.000 Whoa. 1.00

01:10:59.000 Dude, it's fucking trippy as shit. 1.00

01:11:01.000 Whoa. 1.00

01:11:02.000 You gotta watch it, bro.

01:11:03.000 So it's based on modern time?

01:11:05.000 Yes, it takes place in modern time.

01:11:07.000 As if World War III broke out.

01:11:08.000 I don't want to give you too many details, but then we're under a police state.

01:11:12.000 So these handmaids, these fertile women who are of lower socioeconomic status, they must wear these things and abide by their masters, which are the wealthy one percenters of the world who own these fertile women because their wives are infertile. 1.00

01:11:23.000 So they must repopulate this new community. 0.98

01:11:26.000 Dude, it's fucking right up your alley. 0.97

01:11:30.000 It's insanely good. 0.98

01:11:31.000 But it was a book that was written...

01:11:33.000 Meanwhile, that's a total possibility.

01:11:35.000 Well, that's why dude's getting so much love.

01:11:36.000 In fact, some of the parallels in the show of what's going on in society now and some of the commentary, because this was shot prior to the election, it's so specific.

01:11:44.000 I mean, that's why people are falling in love with it, because they're like, this is creepily real.

01:11:48.000 Like, it's almost...

01:11:49.000 You know, I think with what...

01:11:51.000 Especially from a...

01:11:52.000 For what I've heard from women's perspective, you know, like... 1.00

01:11:56.000 Taking...

01:11:56.000 The fear of women's rights being removed...

01:11:59.000 As far as things like Planned Parenthood or what have you, the choices of your own fucking body, I think there's so much echoed in this show that it feels creepily real. 0.90

01:12:10.000 Where it's like, you could one day just go, like they do in one of the scenes, without giving anything away. 0.96

01:12:14.000 It's like, all the women are fired today. 1.00

01:12:16.000 Well, you know that Iran of today is nothing like Iran of the 1960s?

01:12:22.000 No.

01:12:22.000 Have you ever seen the difference between Iran then and now?

01:12:25.000 No.

01:12:25.000 They became when, I think when it was...

01:12:29.000 When the Ayatollah took over, because the Ayatollah was a religious figure, and he took over and changed the country. 0.93

01:12:37.000 I'm terrible with Iranian history, so if you're listening to this and you're upset that I'm getting it wrong. 0.98

01:12:41.000 So many Iranians are fucking pissed. 1.00

01:12:42.000 Essentially, they used to dress like much more free. 1.00

01:12:45.000 Yeah, look at that.

01:12:46.000 It was like much more westernized.

01:12:47.000 It was like the 70s.

01:12:48.000 It looked like the 70s.

01:12:49.000 Yeah, it looked like 70s in the United States. 0.99

01:12:50.000 I mean, and then shit changed. 0.98

01:12:54.000 And now, if you go there today, I mean, look, the Middle East is the shining example of what is possible in 2017 as far as suppression of women. 0.99

01:13:04.000 Look at how low-cut her shirt is there. 1.00

01:13:06.000 Hot!

01:13:06.000 I mean, you're dead if you'd wear that now.

01:13:08.000 Ooh! 0.99

01:13:09.000 Big ol' titties, too. 0.97

01:13:11.000 Chaka-chaka-chaka. 0.98

01:13:12.000 Yeah.

01:13:13.000 That'd be it, right? 1.00

01:13:14.000 She'd be fucking slain for that. 1.00

01:13:15.000 Now they have to cover their head. 1.00

01:13:17.000 I mean, they have, like, religious scarf laws.

01:13:19.000 And, you know, what's really crazy is they're better than, like, Saudi Arabia. 0.99

01:13:23.000 I mean, Saudi Arabia is what you can and can't do today.

01:13:28.000 I mean, you're essentially, like, a second-class citizen if you're a woman. 1.00

01:13:31.000 Below.

01:13:32.000 I don't think there's...

01:13:33.000 Are they allowed to drive now?

01:13:34.000 Are they changing that?

01:13:35.000 I don't know.

01:13:36.000 I know there's some people that are trying to change that.

01:13:38.000 There's some people that are progressive over there that are trying to change that.

01:13:40.000 I think they're straight property, man.

01:13:41.000 They view them as straight numbers.

01:13:43.000 The idea you have to keep your head covered.

01:13:45.000 You have to wear those robes and the garb.

01:13:49.000 And then there's women that are trying to say that that's a source of empowerment. 1.00

01:13:52.000 There's a bunch of crazy people out there. 0.60

01:13:54.000 Just like there was always Uncle Toms during the Civil Rights Movement. 0.92

01:13:58.000 And just like people are just...

01:13:59.000 There's always going to be black guys for Trump. 1.00

01:14:02.000 There's always contrarians. 0.94

01:14:03.000 And you're like, really?

01:14:03.000 Yeah, there's always there's gonna be women that say that wearing the, how do you say it?

01:14:08.000 Hijab? 0.99

01:14:08.000 Hijab, I think. 0.99

01:14:09.000 Hijab. 0.85

01:14:09.000 Yeah, hijab. 0.85

01:14:10.000 That's uh, it's empowering for women. 1.00

01:14:11.000 The fuck it is, you have to wear it. 1.00

01:14:13.000 It's a religious symbol of oppression. 1.00

01:14:15.000 How could you, how could you, I understand being born into something and not knowing any other way.

01:14:18.000 I do understand that.

01:14:19.000 I get it too.

01:14:19.000 Right, but at the same time.

01:14:21.000 Or born into it and being convinced that this is the way that it should be.

01:14:24.000 Sure, but when you see freedom.

01:14:26.000 Of the world. 0.97

01:14:27.000 When you see the freedom of the world, that we're all born fucking naked and free to be these things. 0.88

01:14:32.000 I don't know why there isn't a little bit more of a clique that goes, why do these women in other places have more freedom? 1.00

01:14:41.000 Because the goal of any sort of religious fucking constriction is questioning, right? 0.99

01:14:46.000 So if you question it, you're automatically fucked. 0.98

01:14:49.000 But if you question it enough where you research and you look and you find out and you learn, I would assume you would become enchanted with the idea of being free, of just wanting to not have... 0.99

01:15:00.000 Someone fucking tell you where you can walk, what you can do.

01:15:04.000 That makes sense, but when you connect an ideology with God and with the idea of the divine, that's the ultimate reason to stick around. 0.99

01:15:14.000 At the end of the day, it's clothes.

01:15:16.000 Clothes are made by people. 0.99

01:15:18.000 If you're telling me that God is saying that you have to wear some kind of clothes and not other kind of clothes, I'm calling bullshit. 0.64

01:15:24.000 Yeah, who's the people? 0.94

01:15:25.000 You're not talking to God.

01:15:26.000 He's never talked to you and told you to wear that.

01:15:28.000 This is crazy.

01:15:29.000 And when you have an ideology where you're trapped into dressing a certain way or wearing certain clothes or wearing a certain emblem or some sort of a symbol, you're trapped by the mind of a human being.

01:15:40.000 Yeah.

01:15:40.000 That is the mind of a human being.

01:15:41.000 They've created a pattern that they want you to not deviate from whatsoever.

01:15:45.000 I want you to walk around like this.

01:15:47.000 We're going to cover this.

01:15:48.000 And you're gonna wear these and maybe have one of those on your neck and maybe a certain amount of beads that symbolizes you're single or you're not. 0.99

01:15:55.000 Bullshit. 0.99

01:15:56.000 This is by a person. 1.00

01:15:57.000 This is some cult shit. 0.99

01:15:58.000 It's a guy in a room. 1.00

01:15:59.000 100%.

01:15:59.000 It has nothing to do with God.

01:16:01.000 You would be serving God more to be free and naked.

01:16:05.000 God created you if God is real.

01:16:06.000 But naked.

01:16:07.000 We didn't make clothes.

01:16:08.000 God doesn't have any stock in Levi's.

01:16:11.000 God's not making burkas. 0.81

01:16:12.000 God would like you to be naked, if that's real. 0.99

01:16:16.000 If God just lets you wear whatever the fuck you want, because it's all there for humans to wear. 0.99

01:16:20.000 Right. 0.99

01:16:21.000 Like, if people are making clothes, they're making clothes for people, they should be able to wear whatever the fuck they want. 0.95

01:16:24.000 If I was God, I would say, yeah, that makes sense. 0.54

01:16:26.000 Where would you like?

01:16:27.000 Stay warm.

01:16:28.000 Sure.

01:16:29.000 Don't die, I guess.

01:16:30.000 Yeah.

01:16:30.000 God wants you to cover your hair?

01:16:33.000 Why?

01:16:33.000 This is nonsense.

01:16:34.000 This is people talk.

01:16:36.000 Someone said that.

01:16:37.000 A person said it.

01:16:38.000 We believe in it.

01:16:39.000 Well, the priest must dress like a wizard.

01:16:40.000 Why?

01:16:41.000 Why does he have to dress like that?

01:16:42.000 No one dresses like the Pope anymore.

01:16:44.000 Why does the Pope dress like the Pope? 1.00

01:16:45.000 Get the fucking suit off! 1.00

01:16:48.000 Someone loved wizardry so much, they were like, we gotta fucking keep that. 1.00

01:16:51.000 We gotta keep somebody in that. 0.92

01:16:52.000 I used to always think that when I was a kid and I'd have to go to church. 1.00

01:16:55.000 I'm like, why does he have to wear that stupid fucking collar? 1.00

01:16:57.000 So, so, so silly to me. 1.00

01:16:59.000 What is that collar? 0.71

01:17:00.000 He has to wear that collar so I know that he's real?

01:17:02.000 I'm the one.

01:17:02.000 Oh, he's got the thing on.

01:17:03.000 He's got the priest collar.

01:17:05.000 Look at that.

01:17:06.000 Look at that Pope. 1.00

01:17:07.000 He's got wings, like he's in a fucking video. 1.00

01:17:10.000 An MTV video in the 80s. 0.99

01:17:12.000 What is that?

01:17:13.000 That one's sponsored by Red Bull.

01:17:14.000 Is that blowing in the wind?

01:17:15.000 Is that what it is?

01:17:16.000 That's the answer, my friend.

01:17:17.000 That's his wings.

01:17:18.000 It's blowing in the wind.

01:17:19.000 Catholicism was one of the, and this is what I was raised in, sort of.

01:17:23.000 Look, there's a wizard hat, Joe, just for you.

01:17:25.000 Look above.

01:17:25.000 It's my favorite.

01:17:26.000 There you go.

01:17:28.000 That's so funny. 0.99

01:17:29.000 And why is that any more outrageous than that fucking thing that he actually did wear? 1.00

01:17:33.000 It's the same shit, yeah. 1.00

01:17:33.000 That's even more weird. 1.00

01:17:35.000 Look at that, the giant crucifix. 1.00

01:17:37.000 Look at his fucking hat! 1.00

01:17:38.000 Oh my god, they're so silly. 1.00

01:17:40.000 They're the silliest people. 1.00

01:17:41.000 The fact that anybody says, yeah, yeah, yeah, that guy's- keep that picture up there. 0.98

01:17:45.000 Don't change that.

01:17:46.000 Look at how heavy that clothes look.

01:17:47.000 Just go full screen with that. 0.99

01:17:48.000 What in the fuck are we looking at here? 0.99

01:17:51.000 This guy's got a three foot tall hat on and it's all gold and studded and ornate. 0.99

01:17:57.000 Like, wouldn't you think that God would want you to be humble?

01:17:59.000 If you're a servant of God, are you really supposed to be covered in gold? 1.00

01:18:03.000 Look at his gold fucking pimp ring. 1.00

01:18:04.000 Like, I represent God with my nugget ring. 1.00

01:18:07.000 Look at that nugget.

01:18:08.000 Kiss it! 0.99

01:18:09.000 This is a Persian rug draped around his shoulders. 1.00

01:18:12.000 This fucking elaborate work on that robe thing that he's got on. 1.00

01:18:16.000 It's so preposterous. 1.00

01:18:18.000 The idea that God would want you to dress like that.

01:18:21.000 You know what I always think of when I see big elaborate things like this? 1.00

01:18:24.000 At the end of the day, he's got to take that off to take a shit. 0.98

01:18:27.000 And it's so sad to take that off and drape it on the ground. 0.99

01:18:31.000 Or he stacks it on his lower back.

01:18:33.000 Like it's a wedding dress? 0.99

01:18:35.000 When he goes to wipe, he does a terrible job of cleaning up so the bottom of it has a little shit stain on it. 0.98

01:18:41.000 But he's still the Pope, so he's bringing it up to the sink, and he's trying to wash it in the sink, and it's just sort of wet and brown. 0.99

01:18:48.000 He's trying to get that little shit streak out of the bottom of his thing. 0.98

01:18:51.000 We call him the Pooh Pope, but don't say that. 0.99

01:18:53.000 You're being disrespectful to my beliefs.

01:18:56.000 You're disrespectful.

01:18:56.000 Yes.

01:18:57.000 If this is what you believe, if you believe this guy is the fucking guy who's talking for God, come on, man. 0.98

01:19:03.000 I'm not saying there's no God when I'm saying we have to be very wary of people. 0.99

01:19:07.000 They're just people.

01:19:07.000 And cults.

01:19:08.000 And people and the patterns of thinking and behaving that they want you to engage in.

01:19:13.000 This is what we're looking at here. 0.99

01:19:15.000 There's two people holding this guy's fucking coat. 1.00

01:19:18.000 These two guys who are dressed like gay matadors. 1.00

01:19:21.000 Like giant gold-encrusted gay matadors. 1.00

01:19:25.000 And they're holding on to his cape. 1.00

01:19:27.000 They're fighting the devil.

01:19:28.000 And they're walking with him as he walks around with his giant staff of magic.

01:19:32.000 Staff.

01:19:32.000 He's got a wizard's wand.

01:19:33.000 It's a goddamn Gandalf wand. 1.00

01:19:36.000 He's dressed like a wizard and he's got a staff. 0.99

01:19:39.000 Like, why isn't that glowing?

01:19:40.000 Why isn't there a lightning bolt going from that up into the storm clouds? 0.96

01:19:43.000 That looks like the level of cape bitch is way above the other guys. 1.00

01:19:46.000 Like, that's a graduation for them. 1.00

01:19:47.000 To be cape bitch is real big. 1.00

01:19:49.000 That's a big deal. 1.00

01:19:49.000 Cape bitch is a huge position. 1.00

01:19:51.000 Look at these guys. 1.00

01:19:52.000 These two cape bitches. 1.00

01:19:54.000 The guy on the left is probably annoying as fuck. 1.00

01:19:55.000 I bet he tells a lot of long stories. 0.99

01:19:58.000 When he gets the Pope alone, he's like, you know, I just wanted to tell you about my cousin and his belief in the Lord.

01:20:05.000 And, you know, I think right now he's not getting along too good.

01:20:08.000 Is this the first pope that's okay with gay marriage?

01:20:10.000 Isn't that what he said?

01:20:11.000 Yeah, he's gotta say that.

01:20:12.000 He's the first one that was like, whatever.

01:20:14.000 He tossed out the throne, too.

01:20:15.000 He's got a normal chair.

01:20:17.000 Does he?

01:20:17.000 Yes.

01:20:18.000 That's kind of cool.

01:20:18.000 It is kind of cool.

01:20:19.000 But I think that was probably a joint effort.

01:20:22.000 They're like, look.

01:20:23.000 It was a PC move. 0.98

01:20:23.000 It was a politically fucking correct move. 0.98

01:20:25.000 See these doors behind me? 1.00

01:20:26.000 There's a thousand kids back there waiting to suck your dick. 1.00

01:20:28.000 Okay, we gotta make this right, though. 1.00

01:20:30.000 We gotta clean up the image. 0.98

01:20:32.000 We're still gonna do plenty of kid fucking. 0.99

01:20:34.000 What if you saw the Pope threw away his chair and got one of those medicine balls to sit on? 1.00

01:20:39.000 You know what I mean? 1.00

01:20:39.000 He had standing desks and shit. 1.00

01:20:42.000 He started getting into corporate America. 0.98

01:20:43.000 What are you showing me here, Jamie?

01:20:46.000 The Popemobile, the new one.

01:20:47.000 Yeah, the Popemobile.

01:20:48.000 The new one doesn't have bulletproof glass anymore.

01:20:50.000 The last Pope was like, I know they want to kill me.

01:20:52.000 I'm hiding.

01:20:53.000 Look at that, they don't even need glass to go all the way up because his back arches over so much.

01:20:56.000 He doesn't sit up straight, so they don't need high glass.

01:20:58.000 It's like a child window.

01:21:00.000 I wonder if that is different colors of glass because I would imagine you want to keep the headshots from coming down from the roof.

01:21:06.000 Totally. 0.56

01:21:08.000 I mean, if someone's going to shoot that dude.

01:21:10.000 But this guy doesn't even think anybody's going to shoot him. 0.99

01:21:12.000 And he's like, if someone wants to shoot me, they'll fucking shoot me. 1.00

01:21:14.000 Do it. 1.00

01:21:15.000 It's done.

01:21:15.000 Yeah, he's exposed.

01:21:17.000 Is it a Benz?

01:21:17.000 It's a Benzo, huh?

01:21:19.000 Yeah.

01:21:19.000 Yeah, you know, God always said he loved Mercedes more.

01:21:22.000 Baby Jesus loves a Jeep wagon, kid.

01:21:24.000 Like, the other old ones are Ben's, too.

01:21:26.000 The old bulletproof one.

01:21:27.000 I bequeath my son a Mercedes Benz.

01:21:29.000 Boy, there's nothing that says faith like driving around in a bulletproof fish tank.

01:21:35.000 Right?

01:21:35.000 I mean, that just shows you you really have a belief that God has a plan.

01:21:39.000 Can run flat, half-inch thick steel plate, lightweight Kevlar armor. 0.99

01:21:43.000 God damn it. 0.97

01:21:44.000 Three-inch composite plastic glass with an explosive. 0.99

01:21:47.000 Jesus Christ.

01:21:48.000 It's five tons.

01:21:49.000 That's a 10,000-pound truck.

01:21:52.000 That's crazy.

01:21:52.000 15 miles a gallon?

01:21:53.000 That's very efficient.

01:21:54.000 Yeah, that is really efficient.

01:21:55.000 Zero to 66 seconds?

01:21:56.000 What?

01:21:57.000 That's quick, dude.

01:21:58.000 Wait a minute.

01:21:58.000 How's that even possible?

01:21:59.000 That's bullshit. 1.00

01:22:00.000 Get that fucking thing on Top Gear. 1.00

01:22:03.000 Run a stop sign, a stopwatch with that. 1.00

01:22:05.000 There's no way that gets zero to 60 in six seconds.

01:22:07.000 We're going to race the Popemobile versus the King of Saudi Arabia's mobile.

01:22:13.000 That's hilarious!

01:22:15.000 Dude, you sound like the guy from...

01:22:18.000 Not Top Gear, it's like Fifth Gear or something like that?

01:22:21.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:22:21.000 Is that it?

01:22:22.000 The other one?

01:22:22.000 Yeah, what's the other one?

01:22:23.000 That's why.

01:22:24.000 You sound just like him.

01:22:25.000 That's creepy.

01:22:26.000 The Popemobile.

01:22:28.000 Something I like about British car analysts.

01:22:32.000 Oh, dude, me so much.

01:22:33.000 Well, they take the piss out of everything.

01:22:35.000 I like how it's self-deprecating there. 0.99

01:22:37.000 When they shit on cars, it's my favorite. 0.98

01:22:38.000 Jeremy Clarkson's the best. 0.99

01:22:40.000 Dude, it's hilarious. 0.96

01:22:40.000 The way he shits on things is so much fun. 0.96

01:22:42.000 And I just like to see fucking friends dump on each other on TV. Yeah. 1.00

01:22:46.000 I think that's fun to watch people dump on each other.

01:22:48.000 Well, especially in this day and age, it would be considered bullying.

01:22:51.000 Yeah.

01:22:52.000 They're bullying their friend.

01:22:53.000 It's really rude to pick on him like that.

01:22:55.000 Yeah, they just go after each other constantly.

01:22:57.000 It's fun.

01:22:57.000 It's a fun show, man.

01:22:58.000 Yeah, they have a beer afterwards.

01:23:00.000 Oh, for sure.

01:23:01.000 It's fine. 0.98

01:23:01.000 It's fucking fine. 0.98

01:23:02.000 Well, they were playing characters. 0.99

01:23:03.000 Like, James May would be Captain Slow.

01:23:06.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 1.00

01:23:09.000 I love that shit. 1.00

01:23:11.000 They fucked up when they canceled that show. 1.00

01:23:13.000 Jeremy Clarkson punched some producer and they canceled the show and fired him. 1.00

01:23:16.000 If he even knocked out a tooth or some shit like that. 0.99

01:23:18.000 Well, he's drunk. 0.99

01:23:19.000 That's what happens. 0.99

01:23:20.000 You want to hang out with a big, crazy drunk dude? 1.00

01:23:22.000 You want to talk shit? 1.00

01:23:23.000 Don't talk shit. 1.00

01:23:24.000 Talk shit, get hit. 1.00

01:23:26.000 You guys are all drinking. 1.00

01:23:27.000 That's how it goes down.

01:23:28.000 You guys had a bar fight.

01:23:30.000 That's the most normal thing happened.

01:23:32.000 And he apologized afterwards.

01:23:34.000 And the other guy accepted it. 1.00

01:23:35.000 It's just, they fucked up. 0.99

01:23:37.000 Yeah, why can't that be the end of it? 1.00

01:23:39.000 I don't know, man.

01:23:40.000 And they have a new one they're doing now, and Matt LeBlanc from Friends is on it.

01:23:44.000 No.

01:23:44.000 Is he a big car guy?

01:23:45.000 Yes.

01:23:46.000 Oh, wow.

01:23:46.000 He's a giant car guy.

01:23:47.000 And he's a nice guy.

01:23:49.000 Yeah, I don't know anything about him, but I didn't know that.

01:23:51.000 Comes off like a good car guy.

01:23:52.000 It's not that he's bad. 1.00

01:23:54.000 It's just that, god damn, Jeremy Clarkson is a fucking... 1.00

01:23:58.000 Icon. 1.00

01:23:58.000 Yeah, he's a maniac, man. 1.00

01:24:00.000 Icon.

01:24:02.000 But Matt LeBlanc, is he a car collector?

01:24:05.000 Does he have his own car?

01:24:06.000 He loves cars.

01:24:06.000 I don't know to what extent, but he definitely loves cars.

01:24:08.000 He knows how to drive, too.

01:24:09.000 He drives on the show.

01:24:10.000 He's driving a Porsche 911 R. He can rip it.

01:24:13.000 He knows what he's doing.

01:24:14.000 That's good.

01:24:14.000 Yeah, he can drive.

01:24:16.000 So he must have some experience, some real track time experience.

01:24:19.000 But the guy, Chris Harris, who's on it, he's been on the podcast before.

01:24:24.000 That guy, he's my favorite.

01:24:25.000 Out of all the guys out there that are reviewing cars now, and he knows so much about them.

01:24:30.000 He really understands the geometry and the physics behind it, like the suspension.

01:24:35.000 He can tell you what they've changed, what they've improved, what it feels like, and what's being lost in this.

01:24:41.000 That's always impressive to me to have a bevy of knowledge like that.

01:24:44.000 My dad's worked in the automotive aftermarket industry for so long.

01:24:46.000 My stepdad was my dad.

01:24:47.000 What does he do?

01:24:48.000 Dude, for years and years, he worked for the ever-famous Turtle Wax Car Wash.

01:24:53.000 He was the president of sales for Turtle Wax.

01:24:55.000 Wow.

01:24:55.000 He used to sell Turtle Wax.

01:24:56.000 The gold standard.

01:24:57.000 The gold standard, dude.

01:24:58.000 And now he works...

01:24:59.000 But the turtle fired him.

01:25:00.000 The shell fired him. 1.00

01:25:01.000 Fuck. 1.00

01:25:02.000 Fuck them. 1.00

01:25:02.000 And then he works for this company called Haynes, who's out of Britain. 1.00

01:25:06.000 And they are one of the last remaining companies that makes...

01:25:12.000 Zero A to Z manuals on hand building vehicles.

01:25:15.000 Wow.

01:25:16.000 So if you want to hand build kit cars or you want to literally build a car from fucking scratch, most of their sales go to like mechanics, auto body shops, but they're also, they own the rights to fictional, how do I say this?

01:25:30.000 They own the rights to fictional mechanics, fictional mechanisms that in our film world are real. 0.57

01:25:36.000 Like the fucking Millennium Falcon, they own the rights to how to build a Millennium Falcon from scratch. 0.96

01:25:41.000 Whoa. 0.98

01:25:41.000 And they sell that manual. 0.98

01:25:42.000 That's a real fucking manual you can buy. 1.00

01:25:44.000 Isn't that fucking crazy? 1.00

01:25:45.000 That is crazy. 1.00

01:25:46.000 Yeah.

01:25:46.000 They have that for a bunch of cars.

01:25:47.000 Kit cars are pretty wild.

01:25:49.000 Dude, kit cars I was always fascinated with.

01:25:50.000 My buddy's dad used to build MGs all the time and let us fuck around in them, and I was fascinated with MGs because he loved them.

01:25:56.000 There's this dope English kit car that was for sale Really recently.

01:26:02.000 And you would buy it, and then once you got it over here, then you had to put an engine in it.

01:26:07.000 Yeah.

01:26:08.000 But they would sell it to you with no engine.

01:26:09.000 Right, you build it first and they drop it in there.

01:26:12.000 Yeah, but it wasn't that.

01:26:13.000 It wasn't a total kit car, like you start from scratch, you attach the suspension.

01:26:18.000 Right.

01:26:19.000 It wasn't that.

01:26:20.000 It was like they would sell it to you as a car with no engine.

01:26:24.000 And then you would have to put the engine in.

01:26:26.000 It's a dope...

01:26:27.000 That's a trick.

01:26:27.000 God, the name is like, it's right there.

01:26:29.000 But there's only so many blocks that could fit in that framework, right?

01:26:34.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:26:35.000 You would get like a parameter, you know, like a V8 LS1 or something like that and try to put it in there. 0.99

01:26:40.000 God damn it. 0.99

01:26:40.000 Noble. 0.99

01:26:41.000 Noble.

01:26:41.000 That's what it's called.

01:26:42.000 Noble car?

01:26:43.000 It's called a Noble.

01:26:44.000 That's dope. 0.93

01:26:44.000 It's a dope looking car, man. 0.93

01:26:46.000 And guys, I think they're just, you know, you'd only have a certain amount of horsepower it could take.

01:26:50.000 But I didn't think, I don't think it had the drivetrain either.

01:26:52.000 I think you had to add the drivetrain as well. 0.91

01:26:55.000 I think essentially it was just a frame and the doors and all that shit. 0.61

01:26:58.000 It must have just been...

01:26:59.000 Parts from other third-party car manufacturers, and they got whatever parts they could, put them together, you built that, and then the engine is what, from anywhere at all?

01:27:11.000 I think.

01:27:11.000 You'd have to just know how to do it.

01:27:13.000 I mean, there's a whole market now where they buy engines, and then they put them in older cars.

01:27:18.000 So they'll buy, like, one of the big companies that does it is a company called Icon, and...

01:27:25.000 What they do is they take like a 69 Bronco and they strip it down.

01:27:31.000 They put the car back together again with a modern suspension.

01:27:35.000 Then they take a 2017 Ford Mustang engine and put it in the Bronco.

01:27:40.000 And drop it in?

01:27:40.000 Whoa.

01:27:41.000 So they put totally modern brakes, totally modern suspension, Bronco engine.

01:27:45.000 But the Bronco engine's a 2017 Ford GT. It's called a Coyote motor.

01:27:53.000 It's a really high-end, high-tech motor.

01:27:55.000 It's a really nice motor.

01:27:56.000 So you have, like, this old-school car.

01:27:59.000 So they have, like, kits, like, they do that with LS1s or LS engines.

01:28:02.000 I've heard that.

01:28:02.000 Maybe you and I talked about this.

01:28:03.000 Someone was saying that they were taking classic, Ford might have been doing this themselves, where they take classic Mustangs and put new Mustang engines in old classic Mustang bodies.

01:28:12.000 No, we were talking about that.

01:28:13.000 You and I were talking about that.

01:28:14.000 There's a guy who's got a page on Instagram where he did it, and I think it's called GT500 Super Swap.

01:28:25.000 So he's got a...

01:28:26.000 Someone had a Shelby. 1.00

01:28:28.000 Shelby GT500 from 2012, and he put that body...

01:28:33.000 Of a 1969 car over the 2012 car. 1.00

01:28:38.000 Fuck. 1.00

01:28:38.000 So it's the best of both worlds. 1.00

01:28:40.000 That's it right there.

01:28:41.000 Wow.

01:28:41.000 It is so beautiful.

01:28:43.000 It's so beautiful.

01:28:44.000 Wow.

01:28:45.000 So this guy nailed it.

01:28:46.000 But he's only done one car.

01:28:47.000 I thought he was doing it.

01:28:49.000 I thought there was a company that was doing it.

01:28:51.000 But apparently it's just this one dude who's done this.

01:28:53.000 What does that run for?

01:28:54.000 Did it say what he's selling those for?

01:28:55.000 I don't think he's selling it. 1.00

01:28:56.000 No, he just wants to fucking show you how dope his shit is. 1.00

01:28:59.000 I think he just did it once. 1.00

01:29:00.000 He should sell the fuck out of that thing. 1.00

01:29:02.000 He should sell the fuck out of that. 0.99

01:29:03.000 Look, I had a 2012 GT500. There it is. 0.98

01:29:07.000 It was a great car.

01:29:08.000 That's another one, though.

01:29:09.000 That's a different color.

01:29:10.000 Oh, it's a different car.

01:29:12.000 Oh, look at that.

01:29:13.000 Helping a friend sell a 68 Mustang 33K. Ooh, that's a beautiful car.

01:29:17.000 33,000 miles is nothing.

01:29:19.000 That is nothing.

01:29:20.000 That's a beautiful car.

01:29:22.000 God, those things were classic.

01:29:23.000 Those 1960s Mustangs are some of the most beautiful shapes ever.

01:29:27.000 And to take that and put a...

01:29:29.000 I think 2012 the GT500 packed 550 horsepower.

01:29:34.000 Yeah.

01:29:35.000 Almost 600. Isn't that crazy that this won't be in the future?

01:29:38.000 That, like, in the future, like, no one's gonna have...

01:29:40.000 A lot of these current cars now are just gonna go by the wayside.

01:29:43.000 Like, there's only so many cars that will stick around as classics from the, you know, early 2000s era.

01:29:49.000 Yeah, there's not gonna be any, like, driving yourself in 100 years.

01:29:53.000 No, it's over. 0.98

01:29:53.000 Like, that idea is fucking... 0.98

01:29:55.000 It's dead. 1.00

01:29:56.000 It's gone.

01:29:57.000 That's a Noble.

01:29:58.000 Yeah.

01:29:58.000 Wow.

01:29:58.000 That's it right there.

01:29:59.000 Isn't that a dope car? 0.93

01:30:00.000 It has a Ferrari body a little bit, right?

01:30:02.000 Kind of.

01:30:03.000 Sort of, like...

01:30:04.000 Like an old, um, more like, what is the car I'm thinking of?

01:30:10.000 The Lotus front used to look like that.

01:30:11.000 Yeah, the Lotus front used to look like that.

01:30:12.000 Yeah, that's right.

01:30:13.000 Like the cool Lotuses of like, wow, look at that.

01:30:16.000 Oh, that's a newer one, huh? 0.99

01:30:18.000 Wow, that's fucking tight. 0.91

01:30:20.000 That's a digital image. 0.99

01:30:23.000 We can't hear you, you know.

01:30:24.000 Sorry, their website's pretty cool.

01:30:26.000 Where does it say?

01:30:27.000 Italy, right?

01:30:28.000 Is that what they're out of?

01:30:29.000 England.

01:30:29.000 Oh, British.

01:30:30.000 I think they don't have airbags, or they didn't have airbags. 1.00

01:30:33.000 Yeah, because if you're going 180, fuck it. 0.99

01:30:35.000 That doesn't look like an airbag to me. 1.00

01:30:37.000 It just looks like a steering wheel.

01:30:38.000 You die, you die, I guess.

01:30:40.000 Yeah, I think that's too complicated. 1.00

01:30:43.000 Yeah, fuck it. 1.00

01:30:43.000 Fuck that airbag thing. 1.00

01:30:46.000 I would want to find out, like... 1.00

01:30:49.000 No, that looks like it might have one.

01:30:50.000 Actually, it might have an airbag.

01:30:52.000 No, that's a horn, bro.

01:30:52.000 No, it's a horn.

01:30:53.000 Yeah, fuck it. 1.00

01:30:53.000 It's just a horn. 1.00

01:30:54.000 That's it.

01:30:55.000 I think that was the problem.

01:30:56.000 I think they hadn't gone through all of the FCC... What is it?

01:31:01.000 What would be the...

01:31:03.000 What is the name of that?

01:31:04.000 No, I can't think.

01:31:04.000 The IHSA Safety Motor...

01:31:08.000 Is that it?

01:31:08.000 Yeah, IHSA, yeah.

01:31:10.000 That thing's fucking really sexy looking, man. 0.98

01:31:13.000 It's a dope looking car. 0.99

01:31:13.000 That's all that carbon fiber in there. 0.99

01:31:15.000 God, those seats look amazing.

01:31:16.000 But see, that e-brake is up, but it doesn't look like it's stick. 1.00

01:31:19.000 That's just what you put in your asshole. 1.00

01:31:21.000 Oh, that's where you get fucked? 1.00

01:31:23.000 Oh, when you... 1.00

01:31:23.000 Okay. 1.00

01:31:24.000 Is there one in the front, too? 1.00

01:31:25.000 Can you suck one while you fuck one? 1.00

01:31:26.000 No, no, you can't be greedy. 1.00

01:31:30.000 That wouldn't be noble.

01:31:34.000 Look at the inside of that thing.

01:31:35.000 God, it's beautiful.

01:31:37.000 See, that's all push button. 0.98

01:31:39.000 There is no fucking stick in there at all. 0.97

01:31:40.000 Yeah, there's no manual transmission. 0.98

01:31:42.000 That's what they're all using now, those exotic Italian cars and everything.

01:31:46.000 Everything is paddle shifts now.

01:31:47.000 I know.

01:31:48.000 Well, look at this.

01:31:49.000 Did you see this?

01:31:50.000 I had this.

01:31:50.000 This was for a thing.

01:31:52.000 Hold on, let me show you.

01:31:53.000 I'm really bummed out the new NSX. Look at that fun thing, huh?

01:31:56.000 I rented that for the shoot that we were doing.

01:31:58.000 Oh, that's beautiful.

01:31:59.000 That's the old Magnum PI Ferrari, man.

01:32:01.000 No, that's a couple years later.

01:32:03.000 Yeah, it was.

01:32:04.000 That's a 355 GT, right?

01:32:06.000 Yeah, it's a similar design, though.

01:32:07.000 John Lovitz had one of those.

01:32:09.000 I drove that once.

01:32:10.000 Dude, so fun.

01:32:11.000 John Levitz made me drive his car.

01:32:13.000 That year of Ferrari, or well, not just that year, but I mean, that was when Ferrari's one was down.

01:32:20.000 You know, Ferrari's one is down.

01:32:21.000 Yeah.

01:32:21.000 Instead of up, reverse is up, but one is down, two, three, four, five.

01:32:24.000 But that thing was so much fucking fun. 0.93

01:32:26.000 Look at that. 0.98

01:32:27.000 That's right.

01:32:28.000 I forgot that they had it backwards.

01:32:30.000 Yeah, it was backwards.

01:32:31.000 1995 was, I think, the year of that Ferrari.

01:32:33.000 Somebody wrote Pontiac Fiero.

01:32:35.000 Dope Pontiac Fiero.

01:32:36.000 Do you remember when they used to have those kit cards?

01:32:38.000 Yeah, man.

01:32:38.000 When they would take a Pontiac Fiero and put Ferrari bodies on the outside, like a fake Ferrari body.

01:32:45.000 Yeah.

01:32:46.000 That's pretty great, man.

01:32:48.000 So much work.

01:32:49.000 Somebody just showed me...

01:32:51.000 I forgot about Lamborghini Countach, and it was like their something year anniversary, and they just are re-releasing the Countaches.

01:32:57.000 Do you remember those cars?

01:32:57.000 Oh, yeah.

01:32:58.000 Dude, that was...

01:32:58.000 I remember thinking that that was the only car that I ever thought was worthy of any amount of money that it was worth.

01:33:06.000 I was like, that's the fuck... 1.00

01:33:07.000 Any dime that thing is fucking worth, I wouldn't buy that fucking thing. 1.00

01:33:10.000 Do you remember that Sylvester Stallone... 0.99

01:33:11.000 It was such a fucking cool car. 0.98

01:33:13.000 Rocky drove that car in Rocky IV when he was going through a fucking real hard time, trading for this Russian! 1.00

01:33:21.000 And so he had, like, there's a crazy scene. 0.94

01:33:24.000 Look at this!

01:33:25.000 Look at this! 1.00

01:33:26.000 A handsome bastard with his boxing shoes on. 1.00

01:33:28.000 He's got boxing shoes on. 1.00

01:33:29.000 Hilarious.

01:33:29.000 That's the Countach, baby.

01:33:30.000 He was a beautiful man back then.

01:33:32.000 But there's a, like, it's literally a music video where they play where he's in the car and the music starts playing.

01:33:40.000 Yeah, when he's cruising.

01:33:41.000 And he's driving.

01:33:42.000 It's so corny.

01:33:44.000 It's so cheesy.

01:33:45.000 Yeah, give me no easy way out.

01:33:47.000 Give me some volume on this.

01:33:49.000 This is so terrible!

01:33:51.000 The people at home can hear this or no?

01:33:53.000 Southpaw, look how dope that plate was. 1.00

01:33:56.000 So he's driving around and he's thinking of Dolph Lundgren kicking his ass while he's driving around. 0.99

01:34:05.000 And he's in his Lamborghinis. 0.99

01:34:07.000 He's so cool.

01:34:08.000 He leaves his mansion. 0.98

01:34:11.000 It's so silly. 0.97

01:34:14.000 Oh, dude. 1.00

01:34:14.000 He's the fucking man. 1.00

01:34:17.000 Look, it's so silly! 1.00

01:34:19.000 No smiles at all. 0.94

01:34:20.000 Not happy, not excited about it.

01:34:22.000 Yeah, I took a deep breath.

01:34:23.000 I got my tie on.

01:34:25.000 I'm sophisticated now.

01:34:27.000 I just gotta think about where my life is going. 0.94

01:34:30.000 The best part about it is, to do this movie, or to do this fight, he had to go to old school methods and move to the fucking woods and he was carrying logs around and running in the snow. 0.97

01:34:39.000 Right. 0.99

01:34:39.000 Chopping down fucking trees, dude. 0.99

01:34:41.000 That's how you get in shape. 1.00

01:34:43.000 Fucking A, man shit. 1.00

01:34:44.000 Man shit. 1.00

01:34:45.000 Out in the woods. 1.00

01:34:47.000 Adrian, I gotta leave you alone!

01:34:49.000 I gotta go out here in the wilderness!

01:34:53.000 Gotta go out here and chop some wood. 1.00

01:34:55.000 I gotta chop wood, then I'm gonna fuck you, and then I'm gonna go whoop ass. 1.00

01:34:59.000 I'm gonna carry a log through this. 1.00

01:35:01.000 No! 0.73

01:35:04.000 Oh, shut this off before I die. 1.00

01:35:06.000 Oh, shit. 1.00

01:35:07.000 I can't do it anymore. 1.00

01:35:08.000 Those movies are great, though. 0.96

01:35:10.000 Dude, so fucking great. 0.98

01:35:11.000 A window into time. 0.99

01:35:12.000 And a return when it was okay to be ridiculous in film. 0.96

01:35:15.000 Oh, yeah, man.

01:35:16.000 Now everything gets checked and balanced so much that everything has to be proven by the studio.

01:35:21.000 Back then, that was an idea.

01:35:22.000 I'm sure he was like, what if I'm driving around thinking about the fight?

01:35:25.000 Make a music video!

01:35:27.000 And they're like, great.

01:35:28.000 We got an extra hundred grand to burn this week. 1.00

01:35:30.000 Let's fucking do it. 0.99

01:35:31.000 I'm thinking we have a time lapse of all the shitty moments of my life. 0.99

01:35:35.000 All the things where it didn't work out.

01:35:37.000 Can you guys show the first time a family member died?

01:35:41.000 How about we go back to the first time I ever kissed Adrian?

01:35:45.000 Adrian?

01:35:46.000 Okay, yeah, Rock, we have some of our own scenes planned.

01:35:49.000 Mm-mm. 1.00

01:35:51.000 Fuck that. 1.00

01:35:52.000 I know my people. 1.00

01:35:54.000 He does, though.

01:35:55.000 I mean, he's still cranking out action movies. 0.99

01:35:57.000 He's kicking people's asses, and he's in his 70s. 0.98

01:35:59.000 Dude, can I tell you the one? 1.00

01:36:00.000 I did a fucking benefit. 0.97

01:36:02.000 I did, like, the stand-up at a benefit for Tom Arnold for this thing, this charity he runs, and Sly was there because they've known each other for years, and as I got off stage, I walked past him, and I didn't want to, like, you know, I didn't want to be like, hey, and fucking call attention, but as I walked by, he goes, very, very good. 0.99

01:36:16.000 I was like, that's fucking awesome!

01:36:18.000 I was like, that's enough for me, dude. 0.97

01:36:20.000 Very, very good.

01:36:21.000 I interviewed him once for the UFC. There was, uh, something was going on.

01:36:25.000 He was, uh, some movie was coming out.

01:36:26.000 I forget what movie it was, but he wanted, he was fun!

01:36:29.000 He was easy, didn't take him seriously.

01:36:31.000 Was it The Expendables or whatever that is?

01:36:32.000 I don't remember.

01:36:32.000 I don't think it was.

01:36:33.000 He's the fucking man. 1.00

01:36:34.000 I think it was another movie. 1.00

01:36:35.000 I forget what movie it was.

01:36:36.000 But, uh, he was super, like, self-deprecating and easy to get along with. 0.99

01:36:41.000 That's how you stay fucking on earth, man. 0.98

01:36:43.000 He said something about his mom and someone yelled something out. 1.00

01:36:45.000 Someone cackled him, yelled something out.

01:36:47.000 He goes, oh, there's my mom.

01:36:48.000 She's up there.

01:36:50.000 She's quick. 0.99

01:36:51.000 But he was a genuinely nice guy.

01:36:54.000 Just friendly.

01:36:55.000 Easy going.

01:36:56.000 One of the biggest movie stars in the world.

01:36:58.000 In the world.

01:36:58.000 But was like, hey, what's up?

01:37:00.000 What's up?

01:37:00.000 How you doing?

01:37:01.000 It was pretty cool.

01:37:02.000 I liked it.

01:37:02.000 It was nice.

01:37:03.000 That's what we were saying before we jumped on.

01:37:05.000 The level of what fame means to be an international movie star now has changed so much.

01:37:09.000 I was in Japan, and I'm in Japan, and I bring up my Instagram because these young Japanese kids are wanting to see my social media. 0.98

01:37:17.000 And he sees the blue checkmark of the verified shit. 0.97

01:37:20.000 And he's like, famous? 0.99

01:37:21.000 Famous?

01:37:22.000 And I'm like, no, no, no, no, no.

01:37:23.000 Dude, no, no, no. 1.00

01:37:24.000 I was like, they give that to any fucking asshole now. 1.00

01:37:26.000 And they're all like laughing because they're like, what do you do? 1.00

01:37:29.000 And I'm like, uh, comedian.

01:37:31.000 Comedian.

01:37:31.000 And their faces were kind of like, comedian.

01:37:34.000 And one guy goes, Will Smith?

01:37:37.000 And I go, yeah, Will Smith.

01:37:38.000 That's exactly...

01:37:41.000 That's exactly right.

01:37:42.000 Fresh Prince!

01:37:43.000 That's the level of...

01:37:44.000 When you say what's famous around the world, you're like...

01:37:47.000 Sly.

01:37:48.000 When you say who was a famous...

01:37:49.000 I don't know if we have...

01:37:50.000 I don't know if the rest of the world knows as many of our stars as they used to.

01:37:56.000 It used to be you were an international star and that's what made you a megastar.

01:38:00.000 Now it's kind of like you can be famous here...

01:38:02.000 In film, and not really be known at all over there.

01:38:05.000 I mean, you could then, but there was so...

01:38:08.000 I feel like we were pumping out international stars at one point.

01:38:10.000 There were, like, just a bevy of international action stars.

01:38:14.000 You know what I mean?

01:38:15.000 That just became, in that era of Schwarzenegger, Sly, even, like, we were talking about Jean-Claude Van Damme before this, Seagal, like, all these, like...

01:38:23.000 Willis, like all these mega international superstars because the action movies were so big.

01:38:28.000 Now we've put that into fantasy film.

01:38:30.000 So now it's Guardians of the Galaxy.

01:38:31.000 Now it's any superhero movie.

01:38:35.000 That's become it.

01:38:35.000 But I miss the world of like, why can't we have an action movie that isn't a comic book?

01:38:40.000 Hmm.

01:38:40.000 Where does that go?

01:38:41.000 Yeah, we would need, it would have to be like...

01:38:44.000 Someone you'd have to be The Rock.

01:38:46.000 But he could do it.

01:38:48.000 He could do it.

01:38:48.000 But why doesn't it exist?

01:38:49.000 Maybe people don't want those movies anymore. 0.99

01:38:51.000 Fuck, why not? 1.00

01:38:52.000 They have to have some sort of a metric they're judging this from, right? 1.00

01:38:55.000 Like when they're making these movies, are they?

01:38:57.000 I think it's because they made a couple of action hero movies.

01:38:59.000 I mean, they made a couple of comic book films and they did so fucking well that now we have a bevy of them because they know that there's such a big market for it.

01:39:06.000 But I can't imagine you wouldn't want to see another...

01:39:09.000 Die Hard type dude. 0.99

01:39:10.000 Yeah, why the fuck not? 0.99

01:39:11.000 Why haven't they redone Die Hard? 0.98

01:39:13.000 They did.

01:39:13.000 They did?

01:39:14.000 See, there you go.

01:39:16.000 Who did they redo Die Hard with?

01:39:18.000 When did they?

01:39:18.000 They didn't redo it, they just kept, they're still doing it.

01:39:21.000 Oh, it's being done right now?

01:39:22.000 Yeah, I think they're even making another one right now.

01:39:24.000 Who's the Die Hard guy?

01:39:25.000 It's still Bruce Willis. 0.99

01:39:26.000 Get the fuck out of here. 1.00

01:39:28.000 Shut up. 1.00

01:39:28.000 Bruce Willis has not kept himself up. 1.00

01:39:31.000 He looks like he'd throw a punch, his shoulder would blow out. 1.00

01:39:35.000 Fuckin' hell. 1.00

01:39:36.000 That really hurts. 0.99

01:39:37.000 I mean, unless he's been working out since I last checked.

01:39:41.000 2013, and then it says future right here.

01:39:43.000 Let's see.

01:39:43.000 Oh, they started it in 2013?

01:39:45.000 No, that's the last one that came out.

01:39:46.000 Did they try to do a TV show?

01:39:48.000 Is that what it was?

01:39:49.000 What?

01:39:49.000 Wait a minute.

01:39:50.000 I thought I read they were making another one recently.

01:39:51.000 There was a Die Hard in 2013?

01:39:52.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:39:53.000 What?

01:39:54.000 With Justin Long, I think, was in it.

01:39:56.000 Wait.

01:39:56.000 And it's about his daughter.

01:39:57.000 What?

01:39:58.000 Yeah.

01:39:59.000 God, I'm bad.

01:40:01.000 That doesn't sound at all familiar.

01:40:03.000 If you had to tell me, and I'm a Bruce Willis fan, I think Bruce Willis is awesome.

01:40:08.000 But if you had to tell me when was his last movie, I'd be like...

01:40:11.000 I assume he's just popping Biagra and shooting loads all over the place.

01:40:17.000 I don't know. 1.00

01:40:18.000 What is his last fucking movie? 1.00

01:40:21.000 A Good Day to Die Hard. 1.00

01:40:22.000 Wow.

01:40:24.000 And who's the guy?

01:40:25.000 Is that Kevin Hart?

01:40:26.000 No.

01:40:27.000 Who is that dude?

01:40:28.000 I've never seen that guy in my life.

01:40:30.000 It was just a guy that was on set.

01:40:32.000 Did anybody go to see that?

01:40:33.000 What did it get on IMDB? 14% on Rotten Tomatoes?

01:40:37.000 Wow.

01:40:39.000 Hey, can you go to Box Office Mojo and look that up?

01:40:42.000 Will you look it up on Box Office Mojo?

01:40:43.000 Box Office Mojo?

01:40:44.000 Oh, no, there it was.

01:40:45.000 Go back.

01:40:45.000 Sorry, go back to the previous page.

01:40:46.000 What is Box Office Mojo?

01:40:48.000 It'll tell you, like, budget, and it'll tell you what it made here in International.

01:40:51.000 Where is that at?

01:40:52.000 Look at that down there.

01:40:52.000 How do you know all this?

01:40:53.000 92 million.

01:40:54.000 Box Office, it made 304 million.

01:40:56.000 Is that what it says?

01:40:57.000 Wow. 1.00

01:40:57.000 So it fucking killed. 1.00

01:40:58.000 It did great. 1.00

01:41:00.000 Probably all overseas.

01:41:01.000 All foreign sales.

01:41:02.000 Yeah, go to Box Office Mojo.

01:41:03.000 It'll show you.

01:41:04.000 So maybe he's, like, one of the few guys left that can still do that.

01:41:07.000 Yeah.

01:41:09.000 You know, like Steven Seagal still sells a ton of movies overseas. 0.95

01:41:12.000 A fuckload.

01:41:13.000 They do those straight to, you know, straight to video, straight to DVD things. 0.96

01:41:18.000 Straight to DVD. Dude, he makes tons of money.

01:41:19.000 They internationally sell the movie before he even makes it.

01:41:21.000 Do you know that?

01:41:22.000 You know, he's a Russian citizen now.

01:41:23.000 I know, I love it.

01:41:24.000 It's great.

01:41:24.000 They gave him a passport.

01:41:25.000 That's hilarious.

01:41:26.000 He's sticking around.

01:41:27.000 There you go.

01:41:29.000 Look at that, there's the proof.

01:41:30.000 It made 62 million here, it made 237 overseas.

01:41:34.000 Wow.

01:41:35.000 International superstar, dude.

01:41:37.000 Get that paper, Bruce.

01:41:39.000 Get that paper, Bruce.

01:41:41.000 That's amazing.

01:41:42.000 What do you think he walked away with?

01:41:45.000 He took 10 up front to make it.

01:41:47.000 He probably got a ton of money.

01:41:48.000 I don't know how it works.

01:41:50.000 Points.

01:41:50.000 He's probably got 30 million out of that, maybe.

01:41:53.000 Bruce Willis balling out of control.

01:41:54.000 Bruce, hit us up, dude!

01:41:56.000 Yeah.

01:41:57.000 He's good friends with Dom Herrera.

01:41:59.000 Is he?

01:41:59.000 Yeah.

01:42:00.000 Those two.

01:42:00.000 That's so funny.

01:42:01.000 I would love to see just them two in a diner having a conversation.

01:42:04.000 I know, right?

01:42:05.000 Just Bruce and Dom Herrera. 1.00

01:42:07.000 Dom Herrera, still doing the damn thing. 0.99

01:42:09.000 Yeah, dude, I fucking love him. 0.99

01:42:10.000 He did a bunch of episodes on the Showtime show, I did. 0.90

01:42:12.000 Did he?

01:42:12.000 Yeah, dude.

01:42:13.000 It's fucking so awesome that they got, like, real comics, man. 0.83

01:42:16.000 The Showtime show looks great, man. 0.96

01:42:18.000 I love how authentic everybody looks.

01:42:20.000 Thank you, man.

01:42:21.000 And the hairstyles.

01:42:22.000 They killed it.

01:42:23.000 And they went with real comics.

01:42:25.000 Al Madrigal, you, Jerron.

01:42:27.000 Me, Eric Griffin, Jerron. 1.00

01:42:32.000 Fucking Dom. 0.99

01:42:33.000 Earl Skakel does a few pop-ins on it. 1.00

01:42:37.000 Oh my god.

01:42:38.000 I'm drawing such a blank.

01:42:39.000 There's so many other guys that came in and left. 0.99

01:42:42.000 Judy fucking Gold. 1.00

01:42:43.000 Yeah, that's us right there. 0.99

01:42:44.000 Look at that, man.

01:42:45.000 That's crazy. 1.00

01:42:46.000 Melissa fucking Leo. 0.98

01:42:48.000 Did you guys feel like an extreme amount of responsibility while you were doing this? 0.99

01:42:51.000 Because you're doing a movie that's based on the most important comedy club, in my opinion, ever.

01:42:57.000 Yeah, TV show.

01:42:58.000 But yeah, yeah, no, yeah, yeah.

01:42:59.000 Well, you're doing a show.

01:43:00.000 Yeah, we did. 0.99

01:43:00.000 Well, the pressure was fucking... 0.99

01:43:03.000 Yeah, man, I felt the pressure. 0.99

01:43:04.000 The responsibility was fucking huge. 0.98

01:43:07.000 Wow. 0.98

01:43:08.000 We premiered last night, and it'll air this Sunday.

01:43:11.000 And Jim Carrey said some amazing things, man.

01:43:14.000 Yeah, that's our cast photo.

01:43:15.000 That one that you clicked, that one, yeah.

01:43:17.000 Did it feel weird to be on that?

01:43:19.000 I mean, it must have been like...

01:43:21.000 I can tell you from the bottom of my honest heart, it was the most important thing I've done so far.

01:43:26.000 Wow.

01:43:27.000 Dude, I mean, we were paying homage to the world that we love and respect so much, and it was a big effort on Jim's part and his producing partner, Michael Aguilar, to tell real stories.

01:43:36.000 A lot of the stories that people will see if you watch the show, and I hope you do, come from Jim's real life. 0.78

01:43:41.000 Two dudes from Boston move, they live in a fucking dude's closet in West Hollywood, and they used to be a guy that would jerk off and watch Jim change, and Jim put that story in the show, man. 0.78

01:43:49.000 He wanted all these little great tidbits. 0.99

01:43:51.000 There's a great moment about joke stealing in there and a fucking huge fistfight that breaks out that was real from Jim's personal life about guys who used to come in from the fucking radio, from talk radio. 0.99

01:44:00.000 In the morning, they'd come to the club at night, come to the store, steal shit. 0.99

01:44:03.000 The next morning, comics would fucking hear it. 1.00

01:44:05.000 Yeah, that's a real common thing. 0.99

01:44:07.000 Yeah, man.

01:44:08.000 That was always going on.

01:44:09.000 You know what else was going on?

01:44:10.000 A big one was writers for sitcoms would come. 1.00

01:44:13.000 Yep, same shit. 0.99

01:44:14.000 And they would watch people do sets, and then they would wind up putting their bits in, like, even on fucking Seinfeld. 1.00

01:44:20.000 One of Kevin James' signature bits got used on Seinfeld after he had a bunch of meetings, and then they came to see him perform.

01:44:27.000 A bunch of, like, top writers came to see him perform at an NBC showcase.

01:44:31.000 It was like when Kevin was getting a development deal, and they came down and watched him, and then the next season, his muffin bit was on a Seinfeld episode. 0.99

01:44:40.000 He was like, what the fuck, man? 0.99

01:44:42.000 Well, nowadays, they're blatant. 1.00

01:44:44.000 They tell you.

01:44:44.000 I tested for Saturday Night Live, and you sign a form that says these characters can be used after the audition.

01:44:51.000 Whoa.

01:44:52.000 And this is crazy.

01:44:53.000 I'm not calling out anybody or saying anything, but there was a character that ended up on the show that Vanessa Bayer did fucking hilariously that I did something similar in my audition. 0.93

01:45:00.000 I was like, damn, that was really good. 0.96

01:45:02.000 Wait a minute. 0.99

01:45:02.000 So you audition. 0.99

01:45:04.000 You have a character you audition with.

01:45:05.000 Yeah, I did this character.

01:45:06.000 I did this fake sportscaster.

01:45:07.000 They can steal that.

01:45:08.000 They own that now.

01:45:09.000 Yeah.

01:45:09.000 Because you audition.

01:45:09.000 Fuck you.

01:45:10.000 Fuck you, man. 1.00

01:45:12.000 Yeah, you sign a piece of paper, man. 1.00

01:45:13.000 That's crazy.

01:45:13.000 They're not even giving you money and they're stealing your ideas.

01:45:18.000 That's the respect that SNL has earned in that community.

01:45:22.000 You don't have that respect.

01:45:24.000 It's crazy.

01:45:24.000 That's stealing.

01:45:25.000 You're stealing.

01:45:26.000 Well, I signed the form, man.

01:45:28.000 God, dude, that's so awful.

01:45:29.000 I signed that sheet because you can almost taste it, you know?

01:45:32.000 But they're making you sign something saying, we're going to steal from you.

01:45:35.000 Totally.

01:45:36.000 That's insane.

01:45:37.000 We're going to steal from you, and we're not going to pay you anything.

01:45:39.000 We're going to use this thing. 0.99

01:45:40.000 It might be a fucking Mike Myers movie someday. 0.99

01:45:43.000 And you have to say, yes, sir. 0.99

01:45:44.000 May I have another?

01:45:45.000 Take it.

01:45:46.000 I took it.

01:45:47.000 God, it's so crazy.

01:45:49.000 I took it, man.

01:45:50.000 I took it.

01:45:50.000 It was a wild process.

01:45:51.000 But the fact that some hugely successful business wouldn't want to compensate people for creating those ideas...

01:45:58.000 Fly you out to show yourself off.

01:46:00.000 Even if you just don't hire them, but you like that character, there should be an established rate that you have to pay for things.

01:46:08.000 And my whole thing is, I'm not saying what they did was what I did, but there was just some similarities in the nuances of the character that I thought were...

01:46:16.000 Either just, you know, a confluence of great ideas, but it is hard.

01:46:21.000 You think about that stuff.

01:46:22.000 You're like, man, is that close to what I did? 0.96

01:46:25.000 Because, you know, like we said back in the day, like our show shows, people were blatantly stealing in comedy for fucking ever. 0.93

01:46:31.000 It's been like the beginning of time. 0.74

01:46:33.000 And especially in the 70s, which I think is what we tried to show, was like, they would steal these radio guys. 0.98

01:46:39.000 And fucking show up again and be like, hey! 0.98

01:46:41.000 Like it didn't happen. 1.00

01:46:43.000 No big deal.

01:46:43.000 Come on, buddy.

01:46:44.000 Yeah, told him. 1.00

01:46:44.000 That was one of your shit jokes from last night. 1.00

01:46:46.000 We always promote you. 1.00

01:46:48.000 Whenever you're in town.

01:46:49.000 Yeah. 0.92

01:46:50.000 Like, I'm really lucky that I didn't grow up in a generation where you didn't get paid in the sense of like, I remember hearing stories of guys that would go on the road and then get fucked out of a check. 0.99

01:46:59.000 You can get fucked still. 0.99

01:47:01.000 Really? 1.00

01:47:01.000 People get fucked. 1.00

01:47:02.000 Yeah, I've heard of people getting fucked. 1.00

01:47:03.000 Joey Diaz had an experience about a year ago. 1.00

01:47:06.000 Well, Joey's one I gotta fuck with too. 0.99

01:47:08.000 Yeah, he called this guy up and started screaming at him and said, listen, you know, you don't fucking pay me. 1.00

01:47:14.000 He goes, I'm gonna tell the whole world. 0.93

01:47:15.000 He goes, I'm gonna have all my friends tell the whole world and no one's gonna fucking work here anymore. 0.90

01:47:19.000 That's it.

01:47:20.000 Yeah, and he wound up getting paid, but it took him a while to get paid.

01:47:23.000 There's a lot of club owners are still doing coke. 0.98

01:47:26.000 Isn't that fucking insane? 0.99

01:47:30.000 I know a guy! 1.00

01:47:31.000 I know a guy.

01:47:32.000 I can't even be around him.

01:47:33.000 Every time I'm around him, he's coked up.

01:47:37.000 He's just living it like the old days.

01:47:39.000 But here's the thing, man.

01:47:40.000 It never stopped.

01:47:40.000 It's been a part of it from the beginning of time.

01:47:42.000 Yeah.

01:47:43.000 Like, from the beginning of when I started doing stand-up, there was a lot of club owners that were on Coke.

01:47:48.000 And they just partied.

01:47:49.000 That was just normal.

01:47:49.000 Yeah, they partied.

01:47:51.000 Nick's Comedy Stop in Boston, it never happened to me, because I was never a Coke guy, but they would offer you, if you wanted to get paid, in money or Coke.

01:48:00.000 I'm not kidding.

01:48:02.000 Imagine any other industry.

01:48:03.000 They would pay the comics in cocaine.

01:48:05.000 Like Lenny Clark has told me about it in great detail.

01:48:07.000 And said, I'll just take the coke, I guess.

01:48:09.000 Some guys took the coke.

01:48:10.000 Can you do a half and half?

01:48:11.000 Can you do like an eight ball?

01:48:13.000 These guys were selling coke and running comedy clubs.

01:48:16.000 That's kind of brilliant. 1.00

01:48:17.000 Yeah, I mean, it was total organized crime shit. 1.00

01:48:19.000 It was all organized crime. 1.00

01:48:21.000 It was just like at a level where it was acceptable.

01:48:24.000 It wasn't like they were killing people, but they were selling coke. 0.99

01:48:27.000 Yeah, but coke was so okay that it was like, nah, it's fucking... 0.96

01:48:30.000 Dude, no one's totally captured the crazy days of Boston. 0.94

01:48:34.000 I was a kid back then, so I got to see it really from the outside.

01:48:37.000 And it all started before I even started about four years before I started.

01:48:41.000 It was at its peak in like 84. Yeah.

01:48:43.000 Those guys were maniacs. 0.99

01:48:45.000 Out of their minds. 1.00

01:48:47.000 Maniacs hammered every night on...

01:48:48.000 Mario Joyner was talking about it last night at the store.

01:48:51.000 Yeah.

01:48:51.000 Because he was hosting the show that we were doing, and Mario Joyner was like, they would just go up there and just get hammered.

01:48:57.000 And just be killing.

01:48:59.000 Just killing. 1.00

01:49:00.000 Blacked out, crushing. 0.97

01:49:01.000 Blacked out, drunk, hammered.

01:49:04.000 It was a whole different groove, man.

01:49:07.000 Now you have to be on your P's and Q's, man.

01:49:09.000 Now everyone's got to be real tight.

01:49:10.000 I feel like the majority of people in comedy, the longer I've stayed in comedy, the more I see people sober now.

01:49:16.000 I think a lot of people, it's just not...

01:49:19.000 I feel like there's a lot more clean people working now than people who party.

01:49:23.000 I think there's a lot of people that realize the consequences of partying. 0.99

01:49:27.000 You can only stay on that fucking train for so long. 0.98

01:49:30.000 If you look at the great ones that got derailed... 1.00

01:49:33.000 Whether it's Cat Williams, whether it's Kinison, the great ones that have been derailed by cocaine, there's a ton of them that we know of.

01:49:41.000 The cocaine one gets you.

01:49:42.000 It ends in a bad way.

01:49:43.000 You go bad.

01:49:44.000 Your creativity goes away.

01:49:46.000 You get paranoid.

01:49:47.000 You get tired.

01:49:48.000 Your act diminishes greatly.

01:49:51.000 Like, Kinison, in my opinion, is the best example.

01:49:53.000 He's the best example of a guy who at one point in time was just Arguably the best ever for like two years.

01:49:58.000 Non-stop good.

01:49:59.000 Just a monster.

01:50:00.000 Yeah.

01:50:01.000 And a thing like no one had seen before.

01:50:04.000 Like there wasn't a Sam Kinison like an archetype.

01:50:08.000 Yeah.

01:50:08.000 It didn't exist.

01:50:09.000 No. 1.00

01:50:10.000 He was this fat guy, been fucked over! 1.00

01:50:13.000 I've been married twice! 1.00

01:50:14.000 And he just would come out, this giant fucking, this big energy, this thing, like a fucking human storm of comedy. 0.99

01:50:23.000 But then it dropped off so radically. 0.98

01:50:26.000 Like Ari was talking about the other night, like if you go and watch his stuff after the second special, it's like, the second special's a big drop off. 0.93

01:50:35.000 The real shit is his CD Or it wasn't even a CD. Warner Brothers wouldn't even make it a CD because it was so homophobic. 0.99

01:50:41.000 They kept it a cassette.

01:50:42.000 For real.

01:50:44.000 His cassette, Louder Than Hell, and then his HBO special.

01:50:48.000 And don't watch anything after that. 0.97

01:50:49.000 The HBO special is what I remember fucking seeing as one of the things where I was like, this is insane. 0.99

01:50:55.000 This is like a fucking madman who's hitting all the marks, you know? 1.00

01:50:59.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:51:00.000 It's like a... 0.98

01:51:00.000 A smart madman. 0.98

01:51:01.000 Yes, a genius. 0.99

01:51:03.000 But he didn't miss.

01:51:05.000 It was weird.

01:51:05.000 It was like...

01:51:07.000 Yeah, it's like watching someone do something brilliantly in sports where you're like, everything worked perfectly.

01:51:11.000 It was like all the stars were aligning for him to just...

01:51:14.000 chugging on this train of crushing. 1.00

01:51:16.000 That was crazy shit to see, man. 0.99

01:51:18.000 And it was like during the Reagan era, where people started to get a little buttoned down. 0.99

01:51:22.000 That was like we went from Carter to Reagan, right?

01:51:25.000 So we go from this hippie peanut farmer from Georgia that couldn't get the hostages back from Iran to this movie star with a slick black hair and, oh, oh!

01:51:35.000 It's just like, he was a part of that. 0.97

01:51:37.000 I mean, there was a part of the whole country was fucking crazy at the time. 0.69

01:51:41.000 And Kinison came along and he sort of embodied the frustrations that a lot of people felt. 0.90

01:51:47.000 The timing was perfect.

01:51:48.000 Perfect!

01:51:49.000 But, cocaine got him.

01:51:51.000 Like, he wasn't the same guy after that special.

01:51:53.000 There's this giant drop-off in the amount of focus he put on his work.

01:51:58.000 Yeah. 0.98

01:51:59.000 Well, because you become complacent and you also, like, I think the more money and fame you get, I think unless you have sense of groundedness and humility around you, like friends to be like, dude, you gotta fucking change your game. 1.00

01:52:11.000 You're fucking up. 0.99

01:52:12.000 You're slipping. 1.00

01:52:12.000 You're not producing anymore. 1.00

01:52:14.000 You're not writing.

01:52:15.000 You're not developing.

01:52:16.000 You're not changing who you are as a comic. 1.00

01:52:18.000 I think if you don't have that around you, if everyone around you is like, more fucking coke, dude! 1.00

01:52:21.000 More bitches! 1.00

01:52:22.000 Bring them up! 1.00

01:52:23.000 Woo! 0.99

01:52:23.000 That's over. 0.99

01:52:24.000 That's it.

01:52:25.000 No, I agree.

01:52:27.000 The train crashes, man. 0.98

01:52:28.000 I don't know Cat Williams, but I'll tell you what, to this day, like Pimpin' Chronicles, Pimp Chronicles, whatever that special is that he did, that is a goddamn genius special. 0.96

01:52:39.000 Dude, it's amazing. 0.96

01:52:40.000 It's amazing.

01:52:41.000 And apparently he likes to do a little cocaine.

01:52:43.000 I never know.

01:52:45.000 Woo! 0.99

01:52:46.000 I don't know, but I just wish he would clean up. 1.00

01:52:48.000 He's one of those guys I look forward to when he puts out shit. 0.99

01:52:51.000 Yeah, because it's so fucking different. 1.00

01:52:53.000 Crazy. 0.98

01:52:54.000 Just wild. 0.95

01:52:55.000 Yeah, he's wild, man.

01:52:56.000 He's real. 0.99

01:52:56.000 I mean, it's just, he's a maniac. 0.99

01:52:58.000 His fucking hair is all slicked back and sweating like a pig. 1.00

01:53:01.000 He paused his special to change his clothes because he sweats so much. 1.00

01:53:05.000 That's genius.

01:53:05.000 That's how you know you're putting in work.

01:53:07.000 He sweat through his clothes.

01:53:08.000 You're getting your money worth.

01:53:09.000 He went and did a change and came back out and kept crushing.

01:53:13.000 That's how you know he put in work.

01:53:15.000 Yeah, and that was after he had gone through all those cancelled shows and all the craziness and got on stage and yelled at a heckler for five minutes and then left and everybody wanted their money back. 0.99

01:53:25.000 They booed him and shit. 0.97

01:53:26.000 He still came back and crushed. 1.00

01:53:28.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:53:28.000 Yeah, he's fucking good. 0.99

01:53:29.000 It's that goddamn cocaine, though. 1.00

01:53:31.000 It gets them. 1.00

01:53:32.000 It gets everybody.

01:53:32.000 Everybody that we know that never made it.

01:53:34.000 I mean, how many guys do you know that were funny, that never made it, that started doing coke?

01:53:38.000 A shitload of dudes. 0.83

01:53:39.000 A shitload. 0.98

01:53:40.000 Not just coke, too, but just anything, anything, anything. 0.76

01:53:43.000 I mean, as soon as they got into the party world, the hard party world of like...

01:53:47.000 Yeah, coke.

01:53:48.000 It's gotta be coke.

01:53:49.000 The coke one was big.

01:53:50.000 It just snags people. 1.00

01:53:53.000 Goddamn. 1.00

01:53:54.000 And then they disappear, man. 1.00

01:53:55.000 People who love coke must hate my podcast. 1.00

01:53:57.000 Like, he's always shitting on coke. 1.00

01:53:59.000 You've never even done coke, bro. 0.99

01:54:01.000 That's the thing about Rogan, dude. 1.00

01:54:03.000 I like him, but he's like a bitch about coke, dawg. 1.00

01:54:05.000 Let it go, bro. 1.00

01:54:06.000 I do a little coke.

01:54:08.000 I do a little coke every day. 1.00

01:54:10.000 Apparently that is the best way to get girls to have sex with you, though. 1.00

01:54:13.000 Like, if you've got some cocaine, you've got to be in the right place where people need cocaine. 0.84

01:54:18.000 They're not allowed to say no.

01:54:19.000 They just say yes.

01:54:20.000 They just get crazy and they do coke.

01:54:22.000 I guess it's like a super inhibition-lowering thing.

01:54:26.000 You know?

01:54:26.000 I think the idea is so fun that they're like, he can get coke.

01:54:33.000 Like anybody can get weed, but it's like, he can get coke?

01:54:36.000 You're waiting at the house for the guy to show up. 1.00

01:54:38.000 Fuck this guy. 1.00

01:54:38.000 The guy shows up in a Lamborghini with that fucking music playing in the background. 1.00

01:54:42.000 There's no easy way out! 1.00

01:54:43.000 Gets out of his car, puts the e-brake on.

01:54:45.000 Yo man, I got your package!

01:54:46.000 You go out, you give him the money, you hug like a little bit too violently.

01:54:50.000 Like a little slap the back hug.

01:54:52.000 Thank you, bro!

01:54:52.000 You know that slap the back hug?

01:54:53.000 Yeah.

01:54:54.000 Because you know that you're dealing in some seriously illegal things.

01:54:57.000 That guy knows where you live, too.

01:54:58.000 How's your sister, man?

01:55:00.000 She's good, bro.

01:55:00.000 Thanks for asking.

01:55:01.000 No shit, no shit. 1.00

01:55:02.000 Thanks for the coke, man. 1.00

01:55:03.000 No doubt, no doubt. 1.00

01:55:03.000 This is good shit. 1.00

01:55:04.000 Oh, yo, the best. 1.00

01:55:05.000 Yo, next time, I got some really clean shits not stepped on, dawg, so fucking hit me the fuck up, alright? 0.99

01:55:09.000 Yo, next week, next week, I got a new shipment coming in. 1.00

01:55:12.000 You gotta be careful, though.

01:55:13.000 Don't OD. Because this shit's that strong. 1.00

01:55:14.000 Don't OD, dude. 1.00

01:55:15.000 I don't want that on my conscience. 1.00

01:55:17.000 Bitches be dropping their panties for this shit, bro. 1.00

01:55:19.000 You got any bitches in the house? 1.00

01:55:21.000 No? 1.00

01:55:21.000 Alright, man. 1.00

01:55:22.000 I gotta get out of here. 0.98

01:55:25.000 Did you see that that Mary Letourneau lady that fucked that kid in school and went to jail and then had a kid with him? 1.00

01:55:32.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. 0.99

01:55:32.000 They just broke up after 21 years together. 0.99

01:55:34.000 Can you believe it?

01:55:35.000 This kid finally broke up. 1.00

01:55:36.000 It's like, this bitch is crazy. 1.00

01:55:40.000 21 years later. 1.00

01:55:41.000 That's all it took.

01:55:42.000 Two decades.

01:55:43.000 21 years this kid has been banging her. 1.00

01:55:45.000 I gotta get the fuck out of here. 1.00

01:55:47.000 Oh, you're nuts. 1.00

01:55:48.000 You fucked me when I was 12. What am I doing here? 1.00

01:55:50.000 Shit, I didn't realize this was super unhealthy. 1.00

01:55:52.000 Alright, yeah. 0.99

01:55:53.000 Thanks.

01:55:53.000 I gotta go.

01:55:54.000 I think they have a kid together.

01:55:56.000 Do they?

01:55:57.000 18-year-old daughter.

01:55:58.000 They have an 18-year-old daughter. 0.99

01:56:00.000 Well, she's gonna fucking have everything in order, I'm sure. 0.98

01:56:02.000 She's gonna be the leader of a punk band. 1.00

01:56:05.000 She'll have half her head shaved. 1.00

01:56:06.000 She'll be fucking wearing Doc Martens stomping around. 1.00

01:56:09.000 Mary Kay Letourneau's husband. 1.00

01:56:10.000 We only split so I could sell pot. 1.00

01:56:13.000 Oh, what the fuck? 1.00

01:56:18.000 I love it. 1.00

01:56:19.000 I love life.

01:56:20.000 Life's beautiful.

01:56:21.000 They're still happily together and he merely filed for legal separation for May 9th because he believes it'll make it easier for him to get a license to distribute cig-a-weed marijuana cigarettes.

01:56:31.000 She's a registered sex offender.

01:56:33.000 Oh! 0.60

01:56:35.000 Well, yeah, she has to be, right?

01:56:36.000 Because he was underage.

01:56:37.000 That's hilarious. 0.96

01:56:38.000 I bet she's still a freak. 0.97

01:56:41.000 Totally, dude. 0.80

01:56:41.000 I bet she puts, like, alligator masks on. 0.80

01:56:43.000 So he's 55. She's 55. They're fine.

01:56:46.000 They just got legally divorced so they could do this business.

01:56:51.000 She served seven years in prison for that. 0.60

01:56:53.000 I'm happier for that.

01:56:54.000 Did she really? 0.99

01:56:54.000 Seven years is fucking wild. 0.99

01:56:57.000 That's so stupid. 1.00

01:56:58.000 He was in sixth grade. 1.00

01:57:00.000 What's sixth grade?

01:57:01.000 Is that 12?

01:57:01.000 12 or 13. Jesus.

01:57:03.000 That is a little young.

01:57:05.000 Oh, he's a DJ in Washington.

01:57:07.000 We should go see his shows.

01:57:08.000 I was up in Seattle.

01:57:08.000 I should have gone up there.

01:57:09.000 Yeah, it's probably awesome.

01:57:10.000 It's probably a really good show. 0.99

01:57:14.000 A firebomb goes off, fucking glitter in the air. 1.00

01:57:17.000 It's crazy, bro. 1.00

01:57:18.000 The show's amazing. 1.00

01:57:19.000 Dude, it's wild as shit. 0.99

01:57:19.000 He knows how to party. 0.99

01:57:21.000 What do you spin, man?

01:57:23.000 Whatever I'm feeling, dog.

01:57:28.000 Kids love that music when they're on the drugs, though.

01:57:30.000 Dude, when you're on that molly, you can't escape the beat. 0.68

01:57:33.000 How many times have you done ecstasy?

01:57:35.000 Oh, ecstasy.

01:57:36.000 I've done...

01:57:39.000 Two or three times.

01:57:40.000 Two or three?

01:57:42.000 MDMA. Because two different things, right?

01:57:44.000 I think MDMA is ecstasy.

01:57:46.000 But the old ecstasy that we did in high school was definitely not what it is now.

01:57:50.000 No? 0.99

01:57:50.000 It was like whatever pill they crushed together of shit from the sink. 0.99

01:57:53.000 They lied to you. 1.00

01:57:53.000 Fuck yeah, that was bad shit. 1.00

01:57:55.000 You got lied to in Chicago. 1.00

01:57:56.000 MDMA was...

01:57:59.000 MDMA, the first time I ever did it was in London about 10 years ago.

01:58:03.000 That was the first time I ever even heard of it. 0.95

01:58:04.000 No one said Molly, but this guy was like, Andrew, this guy who lived next door was like, dude, I've got this fucking MDMA, dude. 0.97

01:58:13.000 You've got to try it. 0.99

01:58:14.000 And I was like, all right, whatever the fuck is big, like Jamaican-British dude. 1.00

01:58:17.000 I was like, all right, dude, I'll try this shit. 1.00

01:58:19.000 We went down by the beach and watched this concert, and I was like... 0.99

01:58:22.000 Dude, how do I get this all the time?

01:58:24.000 He was like, it's limited supply, but I've got more for you. 0.99

01:58:28.000 We did that shit for like four days straight. 0.99

01:58:29.000 I was like, this is the most fun I've ever had. 1.00

01:58:32.000 And then I just stopped doing it for years and years and years.

01:58:34.000 And I tried it again one more time.

01:58:36.000 That was it.

01:58:37.000 Never again.

01:58:38.000 I only did it once, but it was spectacular.

01:58:40.000 It's amazing.

01:58:41.000 The comedown, though, was too strong.

01:58:44.000 The comedown was devastating.

01:58:45.000 I was like, this is horrible.

01:58:46.000 Do you get hard crashes when you do shrooms or no?

01:58:48.000 No.

01:58:49.000 You don't crash at all?

01:58:50.000 No.

01:58:51.000 I mean, I feel weird, but I'm always so belittled, not belittled, so obliterated by the experience.

01:58:58.000 It's always like I'm trying to process it.

01:58:59.000 They're like, I'm barely aware of my physical state.

01:59:02.000 I'm almost like eating just to like, just because I know I have to get calories in.

01:59:06.000 You're like, sustenance should be in my body at this point. 0.98

01:59:08.000 Yeah, let me just figure out what the fuck just happened. 0.97

01:59:10.000 You know, it's always like, oh yeah, I knew. 0.99

01:59:12.000 I knew, but I didn't know.

01:59:13.000 I needed to see it, but I knew. 0.94

01:59:15.000 My crashes were, for some reason, they used to be fucking terrible. 0.96

01:59:18.000 I used to come down off mushrooms and I would feel fucking... 0.99

01:59:22.000 Miserable. 0.99

01:59:22.000 Was it always? 0.99

01:59:23.000 Every time you did it?

01:59:24.000 Almost, man.

01:59:25.000 Did you ever think that maybe...

01:59:26.000 One thing that does happen, apparently, is that sometimes people grow mushrooms, and oddly enough, the mushrooms have fungus that develops on them, and you can get sick from the fungus, and then sometimes people say they have these almost hangover-like feelings because of that.

01:59:40.000 I have read that.

01:59:41.000 I've never had a hangover. 0.98

01:59:42.000 I mean, I just remembered a lot of the crashes being like a fucking bummer. 0.81

01:59:46.000 Like, I was like, this is for some reason. 0.77

01:59:48.000 Acid was, the first time I ever did Acid was, I felt like even when I was off of it, it was great. 0.71

01:59:54.000 It didn't fuck with me.

01:59:55.000 Yeah, I did Acid for the first time last year. 0.97

01:59:58.000 Like, was it last year?

01:59:59.000 Six months ago?

02:00:00.000 Something like that?

02:00:01.000 Did you like it?

02:00:01.000 Yeah.

02:00:02.000 Yeah, but it didn't crash me.

02:00:05.000 I felt weird when it was over.

02:00:07.000 I did it and I didn't want to do it again.

02:00:10.000 I remember doing it and being like, eh.

02:00:12.000 I just didn't want to do it again. 0.97

02:00:13.000 They say the thing about ecstasy, though, is if you take 5-HTP, you got to take that shit while you're on it because it helps rebuild your serotonin. 0.97

02:00:22.000 So it balances it out. 0.97

02:00:23.000 Yeah, because it's the building blocks for serotonin.

02:00:25.000 Take that.

02:00:26.000 And it'll help you boost yourself back up when you come through.

02:00:31.000 That's pretty genius.

02:00:31.000 Because it gives you this giant burst of serotonin.

02:00:34.000 You feel so wonderful, but then it depletes.

02:00:36.000 Yeah, because you drained it.

02:00:36.000 And it takes a while before it spools back up.

02:00:38.000 The 5-HTP apparently can help mitigate that.

02:00:41.000 That sounds like printer ink.

02:00:43.000 Yeah, it does.

02:00:44.000 I gotta get the 5-HTP, I guess. 0.91

02:00:46.000 That's so funny, there's like a science enough staying fucking healthy while you're on drugs. 0.92

02:00:50.000 I know. 0.69

02:00:50.000 When I first started doing drugs, it was like, figure it out, dude. 0.69

02:00:52.000 Might chew your lip off.

02:00:54.000 You gotta drink applesauce.

02:00:58.000 Home remedies.

02:00:59.000 Like, you ever have Menudo?

02:01:01.000 Uh-uh.

02:01:01.000 Menudo is the Mexican...

02:01:03.000 Oh, yes.

02:01:03.000 Oh, yeah.

02:01:04.000 I'm like, I'm like, I don't know.

02:01:06.000 I thought it's a drug.

02:01:07.000 No, you're talking about Menudo.

02:01:08.000 Menudo is the Mexican hangover cure. 0.99

02:01:10.000 It's fucking great. 0.99

02:01:11.000 You can get it. 0.99

02:01:12.000 There's a legit Mexican joint down the street.

02:01:15.000 Legit.

02:01:15.000 It's pork, right?

02:01:16.000 It's pork face, isn't it? 1.00

02:01:17.000 It's a bunch of shit in there. 1.00

02:01:18.000 They have tripe. 1.00

02:01:18.000 Chorizo and shit. 1.00

02:01:20.000 There's like stomach, like pieces of stomach in there. 1.00

02:01:24.000 It's like this brown soup.

02:01:25.000 There's chickpeas in it.

02:01:26.000 Not brown, it's like a reddish brown.

02:01:28.000 It's like a stew soup.

02:01:29.000 Yeah, like a stew. 0.99

02:01:30.000 It's goddamn delicious. 0.98

02:01:31.000 I love it. 0.98

02:01:32.000 It'll knock anything out.

02:01:33.000 If you can get it from a real place, like a real Mexican joint that has real menudo. 0.99

02:01:37.000 What's the fucking spot up the street should I go to? 0.98

02:01:39.000 I'll show you. 0.99

02:01:40.000 Yeah, you gotta show them.

02:01:41.000 I know exactly where it is, but I don't know the name of it.

02:01:44.000 Because I love it.

02:01:45.000 Something Taqueria.

02:01:46.000 Oh, it's so good, dude.

02:01:47.000 Everyone's watching Mexican TV. You go in there, everyone's speaking Spanish.

02:01:51.000 They look at you like, what the fuck? 0.99

02:01:53.000 How'd you find this place? 1.00

02:01:54.000 What's up, puto?

02:01:55.000 Yeah.

02:01:55.000 And you're like, hey, fellas.

02:01:56.000 They barely speak English.

02:01:58.000 Barely when you're ordering food.

02:02:00.000 That's the best.

02:02:00.000 Barely.

02:02:00.000 And they have to ask you like two or three times.

02:02:02.000 And you have to explain to them.

02:02:04.000 And then, you know, you could try.

02:02:06.000 Try to like, you'll be embarrassed.

02:02:08.000 Try to say it with a Spanish flair.

02:02:10.000 Menudo.

02:02:12.000 Yeah, but it's so good, man.

02:02:13.000 They have horchata, those big horchata vats.

02:02:16.000 I love the vats, yeah.

02:02:18.000 If you're going to be a rich Mexican, you want a horchata vat at your house. 1.00

02:02:23.000 You don't think Gabriel Iglesias has one?

02:02:25.000 He's got a hundred of them.

02:02:25.000 He's got a giant one, like an oral barrel.

02:02:28.000 And he wears the helmet with two spouts every morning when he walks around with it.

02:02:32.000 A horchata helmet!

02:02:34.000 Excuse me, where's my horchata helmet?

02:02:37.000 Yeah.

02:02:37.000 The fluff.

02:02:37.000 The fluff's got it.

02:02:40.000 He's like taking time off, that guy. 1.00

02:02:42.000 I mean, he's fucking... 0.99

02:02:43.000 He's a machine. 1.00

02:02:44.000 He's been doing it for so long.

02:02:44.000 I think he probably needs a little bit of a break, right?

02:02:46.000 I think he said he just wants to do a bunch of shit now. 0.99

02:02:49.000 Just gonna have some fun. 0.99

02:02:50.000 Just party. 0.98

02:02:51.000 Just do whatever the fuck he wants to do. 0.99

02:02:52.000 Spend some money. 0.99

02:02:52.000 Have fun. 0.99

02:02:53.000 Fuck off. 1.00

02:02:53.000 Buy a boat. 1.00

02:02:54.000 That guy made so much money.

02:02:55.000 He's got all of it.

02:02:56.000 People don't even realize how much money that dude made.

02:02:58.000 But that's why he's so good at what he does because he keeps it on the low.

02:03:01.000 He doesn't act like he has money.

02:03:02.000 He doesn't come off that way.

02:03:04.000 Yeah.

02:03:05.000 He's real low to the ground with that stuff.

02:03:07.000 He was doing so many shows.

02:03:09.000 He has the record number of shows that were sold out at the Ice House.

02:03:12.000 He did like some crazy run where he was doing three, four shows a day.

02:03:16.000 It was something on the wall.

02:03:17.000 How many was it?

02:03:18.000 What did you say, Jamie?

02:03:19.000 It was bad.

02:03:20.000 He's back on the roof? 0.99

02:03:21.000 He's fucking back. 0.99

02:03:21.000 So he took the time off and jumped back in? 0.99

02:03:24.000 Fluffy is fucking back. 0.98

02:03:26.000 Oh, he's got a new special. 1.00

02:03:27.000 Oh, shit. 1.00

02:03:28.000 Look at all those dates, huh? 1.00

02:03:30.000 He's hustling, dude. 1.00

02:03:30.000 Damn. 1.00

02:03:31.000 Look at all those dates. 1.00

02:03:33.000 Every day I'm hustling.

02:03:34.000 Do-do-do-do-do-do.

02:03:36.000 Do-do-do-do-do-do.

02:03:37.000 Fluffy fan life, dude.

02:03:39.000 He's connected, bro.

02:03:41.000 I'm sorry for what I said when I was hungry. 0.84

02:03:42.000 Damn, he's going to Norway and Sweden, Estonia, United Kingdom, Germany, Belgium, Netherlands. 0.99

02:03:48.000 Holy shit. 1.00

02:03:49.000 Finland, Vegas. 1.00

02:03:52.000 Wow.

02:03:53.000 He's got a whole European leg of his tour. 0.99

02:03:56.000 Holy shit. 0.98

02:03:56.000 Where's Rone Park, California? 0.98

02:03:58.000 Where's Rone Park?

02:03:58.000 Rone Hart Park?

02:03:59.000 That's a good question. 0.98

02:04:00.000 It's a place white people shouldn't go, probably. 1.00

02:04:02.000 No shit. 1.00

02:04:03.000 I'm gonna say that. 1.00

02:04:05.000 Sioux Falls.

02:04:06.000 Back on the road, baby.

02:04:08.000 When is your Showtime special?

02:04:10.000 It's coming out very soon, right?

02:04:12.000 Tomorrow.

02:04:12.000 Oh, Jesus Christ, Santino!

02:04:14.000 Tomorrow!

02:04:16.000 June 2nd.

02:04:17.000 We release tomorrow, baby.

02:04:18.000 What's it called?

02:04:19.000 Home Field Advantage.

02:04:20.000 Oh, Jesus.

02:04:21.000 Did you do it in Chicago?

02:04:21.000 Did it back home at the Vic Theater, where I used to go watch bands play when I was in high school.

02:04:25.000 It was so fucking surreal, dude. 0.91

02:04:26.000 Wow. 0.97

02:04:27.000 Yeah, Home Field Advantage.

02:04:28.000 Look at you. 1.00

02:04:29.000 Handsome as fuck, dude. 1.00

02:04:30.000 Looking cute, man. 1.00

02:04:31.000 Strong beard.

02:04:32.000 Strong beard.

02:04:32.000 That was when I was shooting the show.

02:04:34.000 Oh, look at that.

02:04:34.000 Do you know what that is?

02:04:36.000 What?

02:04:36.000 Go back.

02:04:36.000 Two pictures.

02:04:37.000 Do you know what that's me paying tribute to somebody?

02:04:38.000 Who?

02:04:39.000 Do you recognize that picture?

02:04:40.000 No.

02:04:40.000 Or what I'm doing?

02:04:41.000 No.

02:04:41.000 Carol Burnett.

02:04:42.000 Oh, wow.

02:04:43.000 Did you say that? 1.00

02:04:43.000 Fuck yeah, dude. 1.00

02:04:45.000 Carol Burnett used to fucking touch her ear for her family. 1.00

02:04:48.000 Wow. 1.00

02:04:49.000 This is a trip.

02:04:50.000 For her family?

02:04:51.000 She used to touch her ear? 0.99

02:04:52.000 Her grandmother was like...

02:04:53.000 Touch your ear for me.

02:04:54.000 While her grandma was like, say hi to Nana on TV. And she's like, I can't do that.

02:04:57.000 Right. 0.99

02:04:58.000 She's like, they'll fucking fire me. 0.99

02:04:59.000 And she's like, I promise I'll do something. 0.99

02:05:01.000 I'll think of something as a shout out to you.

02:05:03.000 And she told her a short time later, she was like, I'm going to touch my ear.

02:05:06.000 You'll know I'm thinking of you.

02:05:08.000 So she used to do that on TV all the time. 1.00

02:05:10.000 To appease some annoying family members.

02:05:13.000 Yeah, man, you gotta.

02:05:14.000 How about you realize, Nana? 0.98

02:05:15.000 I got shit I'm doing up there, okay? 0.99

02:05:17.000 I'm working. 0.99

02:05:18.000 I'm goddamn Carol Burnett. 0.99

02:05:19.000 I went to a restaurant recently. 0.98

02:05:21.000 A couple years ago, I was at a restaurant and she was there.

02:05:23.000 It was weird.

02:05:24.000 It's like she was just hanging out at this restaurant.

02:05:26.000 Really?

02:05:26.000 Eating dinner with some guy.

02:05:27.000 Just kicking it?

02:05:27.000 Yeah.

02:05:28.000 I think she's fucking... 1.00

02:05:30.000 She was genius. 1.00

02:05:30.000 That show, Carol Burnett show, was a great fucking show. 1.00

02:05:33.000 She was brilliant. 1.00

02:05:33.000 Everything about her was so inventive at that fucking time period. 1.00

02:05:37.000 I appreciate that kind of shit so much. 0.99

02:05:39.000 But you also have to realize how crazy it was that someone was willing to invest in a woman running a show like that. 1.00

02:05:45.000 It was unheard of.

02:05:46.000 It was called the Carol Burnett Show, and it was a sketch comedy show.

02:05:49.000 Unheard of. 1.00

02:05:50.000 Yeah, I mean, fuck, man. 1.00

02:05:51.000 Look at that, she's doing it. 1.00

02:05:52.000 Tugging on her ear.

02:05:53.000 Yeah.

02:05:54.000 Yeah.

02:05:55.000 It's kind of crazy, man, like, at the time.

02:05:58.000 So powerful, man.

02:05:59.000 How few women were like that at the time that had that kind of pull? 0.98

02:06:03.000 I mean, Lucy was the only one of that prior era that had fucking massive influence on Hollywood. 0.82

02:06:08.000 Yeah.

02:06:09.000 Who could say anything and be like, this is how it is.

02:06:11.000 And studios were like, uh-huh.

02:06:14.000 Your show was called I Love Lucy.

02:06:17.000 I mean, Jesus.

02:06:18.000 It couldn't have been any other way.

02:06:19.000 You know what I mean?

02:06:20.000 For her, it was like, she's like, I am a star.

02:06:22.000 I'm going to be the star of the show. 0.99

02:06:23.000 I want the fucking intro to be my face, and then show Ricky Ricardo. 0.99

02:06:27.000 I don't even know Ricky Ricardo's name. 0.99

02:06:29.000 How about that?

02:06:30.000 Who's that Ricky Ricardo guy?

02:06:32.000 What was his name?

02:06:32.000 His name is, uh...

02:06:34.000 Exactly.

02:06:35.000 That's what I'm saying.

02:06:36.000 That's so embarrassing.

02:06:36.000 I do know who it is.

02:06:37.000 But everybody knows who Lucille Ball is.

02:06:40.000 What's that dude's name?

02:06:42.000 I honestly thought it was Ricky Ricardo.

02:06:44.000 That's not his name, bro.

02:06:46.000 That's the TV name.

02:06:48.000 Desi Arnaz.

02:06:49.000 Desi Arnaz.

02:06:50.000 Okay.

02:06:51.000 I'm bad. 0.99

02:06:51.000 I'm so stupid. 0.99

02:06:52.000 I knew that. 1.00

02:06:53.000 I knew that.

02:06:54.000 I just forgot it. 0.99

02:06:54.000 You're allowed to forget shit like that. 0.99

02:06:55.000 But I wouldn't forget Lucille Ball. 1.00

02:06:57.000 Fuck no. 1.00

02:06:58.000 Can't. 1.00

02:06:59.000 Good goddamn show back then. 1.00

02:07:00.000 And that was back when a white girl was allowed to date a Cuban. 0.99

02:07:03.000 Cubans were very white back then.

02:07:05.000 Well, that was the only kind of, yeah, it was the only minority she could date on TV. Yeah, like if it was like, if she had a show called I Love Mexicans, and she was dating a Mexican guy, not a Cuban guy.

02:07:14.000 Cubans are like from Spain. 1.00

02:07:16.000 It's like a Spaniard. 1.00

02:07:17.000 It was thought of as a different thing.

02:07:20.000 Desi. 0.99

02:07:20.000 Desi Arnaz, a handsome bastard back then. 0.99

02:07:22.000 He was, man. 0.99

02:07:23.000 Do you think he ever banged Lucy?

02:07:24.000 Shh.

02:07:24.000 No disrespect.

02:07:25.000 They were married.

02:07:27.000 I'm saying, do you think he banged her, though?

02:07:29.000 No.

02:07:33.000 No chance.

02:07:33.000 They were married in real life, and then they worked together on TV? They were.

02:07:36.000 They were.

02:07:37.000 Wow.

02:07:38.000 Look at that.

02:07:41.000 The heyday.

02:07:42.000 Back in the day, man.

02:07:43.000 You ever watch old TV shows just to get a glimpse of what it was like to be back in that era? 0.99

02:07:49.000 My fucking old man, Andy Griffith, this is their favorite fucking show in the history of television. 0.99

02:07:53.000 My parents watch Andy Griffith every day. 1.00

02:07:55.000 Oh, God.

02:07:56.000 They're obsessed. 1.00

02:07:56.000 They love that shit. 1.00

02:07:57.000 My dad loves that shit. 1.00

02:07:58.000 They long for nostalgia. 1.00

02:08:00.000 He just thinks... 0.97

02:08:02.000 That, like, that's such an iconic period of time when, like, comedy was pure and clean and the jokes were about life situations that were, you know, there's a town drunk and there's a town whore. 0.95

02:08:15.000 You know what I mean?

02:08:15.000 It's kind of like everything was such a setup.

02:08:17.000 But meanwhile, behind the scenes, they were just as freaky back then, if not more freaky. 1.00

02:08:21.000 Fuck yeah, dude. 1.00

02:08:21.000 Don Knotts used to stick the cop baton up his own ass right before they shot every day. 1.00

02:08:26.000 Are you sure? 1.00

02:08:27.000 Nope.

02:08:30.000 Look at that picture. 1.00

02:08:31.000 That's the baton going in his ass. 1.00

02:08:32.000 That's why Andy's laughing. 1.00

02:08:34.000 Did you ever hear the Fatty Arbuckle story?

02:08:37.000 Uh-uh.

02:08:38.000 Fatty Arbuckle was the big comedian from like the 1930s or the 1940s. 0.99

02:08:43.000 And they had some girl that they were doing something with and someone put a bottle inside of her, like in her vagina, and it broke. 1.00

02:08:53.000 And she died. 1.00

02:08:55.000 Fuck yeah, she died. 1.00

02:08:56.000 Yeah, there was something along those lines. 1.00

02:08:58.000 It was a bit? 1.00

02:08:58.000 There was a bit where it was like, we're gonna put a bottle in your pussy? 1.00

02:09:01.000 I don't think so. 1.00

02:09:01.000 I think they were partying. 1.00

02:09:02.000 I think they were going too hard.

02:09:05.000 And Fatty Arbuckle was a huge star at the time.

02:09:08.000 Yeah.

02:09:09.000 And when that woman died, I don't know if he was...

02:09:12.000 I don't know if he was convicted.

02:09:15.000 Charged with manslaughter.

02:09:16.000 He got charged with manslaughter.

02:09:18.000 Yeah, but whether or not he was convicted.

02:09:20.000 I don't know if he was convicted.

02:09:23.000 But his career was over, and then it all dried up for him.

02:09:27.000 I don't even know if he did it.

02:09:29.000 You know, I mean, I'm not really sure.

02:09:31.000 He was probably around for the party.

02:09:32.000 Most likely.

02:09:34.000 Yeah.

02:09:34.000 Hotel room.

02:09:36.000 Yeah.

02:09:37.000 She sneezed and the bottle broke. 1.00

02:09:38.000 There he is.

02:09:39.000 Arbuckle was charged with manslaughter and endured not one, not two, but three trials for the alleged crime.

02:09:44.000 Not going to go into the nitty-gritty of what went on in each trial, but try to imagine the mismanagement and publicity akin to the O.J. Simpson trial, and you'll be getting close.

02:09:53.000 Well, then he should have got into it.

02:09:55.000 Well, who knows?

02:09:56.000 I don't know.

02:09:58.000 Court TV. Yeah, there was no court TV coverage.

02:10:19.000 In progress there, the defendant had sumptuous quarters with his friends.

02:10:24.000 Food was spread, wine and liquor were served, and this modern Belshazzar sat upon his throne, surrounded by his lords and their ladies.

02:10:39.000 There was music, feasting, singing, and dancing.

02:10:42.000 How do you know?

02:10:43.000 Were you there? 0.99

02:10:45.000 Yeah, he just said above he didn't want to fucking get into details, and then he explained a bunch of shit. 0.98

02:10:48.000 A modern Belshazzar, the last king of Babylonia, sundered amidst his decadence. 0.99

02:10:55.000 This is some Game of Thrones-esque doomsday stuff right there.

02:10:57.000 That is an interesting thing that a prosecutor could do back then, that could make that sort of like...

02:11:03.000 Ridiculous description of the events that took place.

02:11:05.000 Like, you weren't there. 0.97

02:11:06.000 You actually do not know.

02:11:09.000 You actually do not know that this is what happened.

02:11:12.000 That's a big fish story, you know?

02:11:14.000 So did he wind up going to jail? 0.99

02:11:20.000 You know how many people have stuck bottles up people's pussies and they didn't die and they went, whew! 0.99

02:11:25.000 They read that story? 0.99

02:11:26.000 I did it this morning.

02:11:29.000 If you got like one of those Mexican Coke bottles, those real thick ones, those are hard to break.

02:11:33.000 Those are hard to break. 0.99

02:11:34.000 You'd have to fucking throw her against the wall or something. 1.00

02:11:36.000 Yeah, if she had a pussy that was so strong and could break one of those bottles, it could probably endure the cuts too. 1.00

02:11:41.000 Oh yeah. 1.00

02:11:41.000 It's like a dense... 1.00

02:11:43.000 It killed his career.

02:11:44.000 Third trial, he just pretty much left Hollywood.

02:11:48.000 He was shunned by Hollywood and could no longer find work.

02:11:50.000 Isn't that crazy that he was acquitted, right?

02:11:53.000 He got off.

02:11:54.000 So he was acquitted.

02:11:55.000 And it's still, yeah, I guess back then, that was it.

02:11:58.000 It was it, son.

02:11:59.000 And there was only one machine, you know?

02:12:01.000 There was no internet back then.

02:12:02.000 Nope.

02:12:03.000 He couldn't have had a YouTube page.

02:12:05.000 Could have made his own YouTube page today.

02:12:07.000 You see, Fetty Arbuckle put out a special on CISO, man.

02:12:10.000 It's pretty good.

02:12:11.000 It's on Epix, but they're going to sell it to Netflix in five years.

02:12:18.000 How's it working for Showtime?

02:12:19.000 It was good, dude.

02:12:20.000 They've got good shows, man.

02:12:21.000 They did me right, I will say.

02:12:23.000 Doing this special this Friday, and then the show comes out on Sunday.

02:12:25.000 So it's like this weekend, they're pairing it together. 0.99

02:12:28.000 And I fucking... 0.98

02:12:29.000 They were great. 0.99

02:12:30.000 They did great by me, man. 0.97

02:12:31.000 I can't fucking say anything negative about that. 1.00

02:12:34.000 The network is the shit right now. 1.00

02:12:35.000 Billions is good for them. 1.00

02:12:37.000 They still are kicking out Shameless. 0.99

02:12:38.000 People fucking love Shameless still. 0.99

02:12:41.000 Bloodline. 0.99

02:12:41.000 I mean, there's a bunch of fucking really good shows. 0.99

02:12:43.000 Yeah. 0.96

02:12:43.000 Showtime's resurfaced as... 0.96

02:12:46.000 Of the premium cable network that it's wanted to be for a long time.

02:12:49.000 Yeah, I did a Netflix special in 2005 and in 2006 Showtime aired it.

02:12:55.000 They've put together some good comedy specials.

02:12:57.000 Netflix and Showtime have some kind of deal because a lot of the times... 0.99

02:13:01.000 Your Showtime shit ends up on Netflix. 0.98

02:13:03.000 They buy out the rights to that. 0.99

02:13:05.000 That would be smart.

02:13:06.000 You know, if they did that, that would be smart.

02:13:08.000 Well, it's a good move.

02:13:09.000 It's a good move for everybody.

02:13:10.000 You know what I mean?

02:13:11.000 And I hope they also have it available like it's easy to watch online.

02:13:15.000 You know, where they make it with very few hurdles to be able to watch it online.

02:13:19.000 Yeah, because you got to give it to people, man, at some point.

02:13:20.000 Well, not only that, more people find out how good it is, more people watch it, you know, whether it's your show or whether it's your stand-up.

02:13:27.000 Yeah.

02:13:28.000 You know, the more stuff that gets out there, the better it is, right?

02:13:31.000 Absolutely.

02:13:32.000 In this crazy day and age.

02:13:35.000 I hope, yeah.

02:13:36.000 You've come along in the golden age of the comedy store.

02:13:38.000 You know that, right? 1.00

02:13:38.000 It's fucking wild, man. 1.00

02:13:40.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:13:41.000 The boom.

02:13:41.000 This is the boom right now.

02:13:43.000 We're going through it.

02:13:44.000 Is the bubble going to pop?

02:13:45.000 I don't think so, because there's so many funny comedians.

02:13:49.000 That's the beauty.

02:13:49.000 Guys like yourself.

02:13:50.000 There's a lot of guys out there that are really good.

02:13:52.000 And that are coming up that are really good.

02:13:54.000 There's real good comedy going on right now.

02:13:55.000 I know, it's crazy.

02:13:56.000 I think it's breeding really good comedy. 0.93

02:13:58.000 I think because there's so much great competition and there's so many fucking good people, I think it's breeding for people to be stronger and stronger. 0.99

02:14:03.000 Sometimes I see fucking guys when I'm like, God damn, they're getting so strong. 0.99

02:14:07.000 Well, it's like you see really good stuff around you. 1.00

02:14:09.000 You show up one night, and Chappelle goes up, and then Chris Rock goes on after him.

02:14:13.000 You're seeing this stuff on a regular basis, and the quality of the comedy that you see is very high.

02:14:19.000 So high.

02:14:20.000 You know, when I first started the store in 94, it was a dead zone.

02:14:25.000 It was just a terrible time.

02:14:27.000 It was, like, right after the Kinnison boom had ended.

02:14:29.000 Kinnison left there at, like, 86. Yeah.

02:14:32.000 You know, and then by the time I came around, eight years later, Kinnison was dead, and the place was weird.

02:14:38.000 Nobody wanted to be there.

02:14:38.000 It was weird.

02:14:40.000 You know, it was weird there for a long time, man.

02:14:43.000 Especially in terms of, like, talent coming up.

02:14:46.000 You know, the talent coming up back then, it was just like, it was really poor.

02:14:49.000 Is this the best you've ever seen it since you started there?

02:14:51.000 100%.

02:14:52.000 For me, yeah.

02:14:52.000 It's not even close for you.

02:14:53.000 Some guys say it was even better early on.

02:14:56.000 They say it was even better, like, in the 80s.

02:15:00.000 They say, like, before, like, the Kinison era, like, Dom Herrera especially.

02:15:04.000 He says that, like, there was a time where they were doing three shows in the main room, two shows in the OR, and they were just rotating. 0.99

02:15:10.000 Fuck. 1.00

02:15:12.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:15:12.000 But we're pretty close to that now. 1.00

02:15:13.000 I was just gonna say, we're knocking on that door.

02:15:16.000 That's not that far away.

02:15:17.000 We do two shows in the main room all the time on the weekends.

02:15:19.000 We do two shows in the OR all the time on the weekends.

02:15:22.000 And sometimes, I've done four sets in a night there where I did two shows in the main room, one show in the belly room, and one show in the OR. That's fucking awesome. 0.95

02:15:30.000 It's crazy. 0.99

02:15:30.000 The belly has developed itself into like a real fucking great room. 0.99

02:15:34.000 There's just so much creativity and fun going on there. 0.98

02:15:37.000 That's what it is.

02:15:38.000 But you know what, man?

02:15:38.000 The improv's not bad right now, too.

02:15:40.000 The improv's been really good, too.

02:15:42.000 It's like comedy's just experiencing a cool little bump.

02:15:45.000 Yeah, it's wild.

02:15:46.000 I think people don't know how lucky they are in LA. It's wild, man.

02:15:49.000 People live in LA and they're like, yeah, how many guys are on tonight? 0.95

02:15:52.000 It's like, well, they're all going to be fucking amazing, so stick around because everyone you're going to see is going to be a fucking good comic. 0.99

02:15:58.000 There's only a couple that suck. 0.99

02:15:59.000 Let's be honest. 0.99

02:16:00.000 Sure.

02:16:01.000 There's a few.

02:16:02.000 Sure.

02:16:04.000 There's going to be a few.

02:16:05.000 There's a lot of comedy tourism, too.

02:16:07.000 People are coming here from Ireland, Scotland.

02:16:09.000 Yeah, that's wild.

02:16:10.000 It's strange.

02:16:11.000 Like, we flew over to watch this tour.

02:16:13.000 Like, what?

02:16:14.000 Weird.

02:16:15.000 I hope our show helps that, too. 0.99

02:16:17.000 Fuck yeah, it'll help, dude. 0.99

02:16:18.000 Push the idea of the store being just another fucking iconic piece that people don't know about, you know? 1.00

02:16:24.000 For people that don't give a shit about stand-up, when they see this, I think it'll be more like, oh, fuck, that's kind of cool. 1.00

02:16:28.000 I'd like to go see more of that shit. 0.99

02:16:29.000 Now, are you touring? 1.00

02:16:30.000 Are you going around the world?

02:16:32.000 What are you doing? 0.95

02:16:33.000 Right now, because we're kind of waiting to hear what Showtime says, if we're going to do this again, then I have to fucking cancel a bunch of dates.

02:16:38.000 But next week, I go to Austin, Cap City, then I go...

02:16:42.000 Chicago, Denver, Just for Laughs in Montreal, Raleigh.

02:16:46.000 So I'm touring a little bit here into the summer, but if we have to shoot again, I have to cancel a bunch of different dates.

02:16:51.000 No kidding, huh?

02:16:52.000 Showtime waits until the first episode airs to release any official announcements.

02:16:57.000 So when does the first episode air?

02:16:59.000 Sunday, baby.

02:16:59.000 So if it does well on Sunday, they make a choice right then and there?

02:17:03.000 It takes a little bit of manipulation time of them deciding what they want to do, but yeah, usually shortly after the first episode, they talk about what's going to happen.

02:17:12.000 So did you get a chance to watch it?

02:17:14.000 We did.

02:17:15.000 We saw it last night. 1.00

02:17:15.000 Last night was a premiere for, like, internal, for critics and shit. 1.00

02:17:19.000 And I was fucking happy. 0.99

02:17:20.000 Jim Carrey said some fucking amazing stuff. 0.99

02:17:22.000 He's an executive producer of the show for... 0.99

02:17:24.000 I don't know if I said that earlier, but... 1.00

02:17:26.000 He said some fucking really dope shit, man. 0.99

02:17:28.000 He said how much this meant to him. 1.00

02:17:30.000 And how... 0.78

02:17:31.000 How people don't really fucking know some of the true history of what that world was like to perform for no money. 0.88

02:17:38.000 And that... 0.91

02:17:38.000 Where there was one... 0.91

02:17:41.000 There was one way in, was Johnny Carson. 0.99

02:17:43.000 It was like, you get on Carson, it was like, you were fucking on the moon, dude. 0.99

02:17:46.000 Wow. 0.95

02:17:47.000 And he talked about how a lot of critics, I guess, got, you know, they got episodes a couple weeks ago, and he said, a lot of you guys have been saying the word dark.

02:17:57.000 It's not a comedy.

02:17:58.000 He's like, we never sold it as a comedy.

02:18:00.000 Never once did we promote it as a comedy. 0.99

02:18:02.000 It's a fucking dramatic show about the world of comedy. 0.98

02:18:05.000 Is that funny sometimes? 1.00

02:18:06.000 Yeah, there's some really funny fucking moments on our show. 0.98

02:18:09.000 But it's about the world that exists. 1.00

02:18:10.000 It's about what it's like to be fucking 23 and hungry and poor as fuck and trying to get pussy and trying to get stage time and trying to figure out what you're doing, who's beating you and... 1.00

02:18:21.000 It's just about fucking life. 1.00

02:18:23.000 The life of a stand-up. 1.00

02:18:23.000 The life of a hustling, hungry, angry, angsty, jealous fucking stand-up. 1.00

02:18:28.000 Because we all go through that shit. 1.00

02:18:30.000 Dude, I'm excited. 1.00

02:18:31.000 I want to watch it right now.

02:18:33.000 Yeah, yeah.

02:18:35.000 Dude, I really hope people enjoy it. 0.99

02:18:36.000 I think the first episode is powerful as shit. 0.97

02:18:38.000 Dude, the pilot is insane. 0.99

02:18:41.000 We have Robert Forrester, Kathy Moriarty from Raging Bull.

02:18:45.000 Melissa Leo is the matriarch of the show. 0.94

02:18:49.000 She plays Goldie, who runs our comedy club. 0.93

02:18:54.000 Who is a variation of Mitzi, but she wouldn't say that.

02:18:57.000 We're on our own space.

02:18:59.000 Ari Grainer, Michael Angarano. 0.99

02:19:01.000 There's some fucking bangers on the show. 1.00

02:19:03.000 People that act their mind out. 1.00

02:19:05.000 That are just fucking really good, man. 0.98

02:19:07.000 And I'm jealous. 1.00

02:19:08.000 I sit along with those people and I'm like, fuck me. 1.00

02:19:10.000 These people are really good actors. 1.00

02:19:12.000 That's awesome.

02:19:12.000 Yeah, Melissa was the best worker.

02:19:14.000 She won a fucking Academy Award, man. 0.99

02:19:16.000 She won an Oscar for The Fighter. 1.00

02:19:17.000 So it's like being around a fucking human that won an Oscar is crazy. 1.00

02:19:20.000 Wow. 1.00

02:19:21.000 It's wild because I never...

02:19:22.000 Kathy Moriarty was in Raging Bull, man.

02:19:24.000 Yeah, man.

02:19:24.000 And she was also on the Dice Clay show.

02:19:26.000 Yeah.

02:19:26.000 What was the name of the show?

02:19:28.000 Bless This House?

02:19:29.000 Bless This House, yeah.

02:19:30.000 That's right.

02:19:31.000 She was Dice's wife. 0.99

02:19:32.000 Alfred fucking Molina. 0.99

02:19:33.000 You know him? 0.99

02:19:33.000 Alfred Molina. 0.99

02:19:34.000 He's the shit. 1.00

02:19:35.000 He's in it, too. 1.00

02:19:35.000 I mean, they've pulled out a few big names, man. 1.00

02:19:39.000 Did you always want to act or did you want to do stand-up or did you want to do both?

02:19:42.000 Oh, I... When I went to school, I went to school to write, to do journalism in English, and I knew I wanted to write and perform, but I was a pussy about performing in school. 0.99

02:19:50.000 So I did a few plays because I really wanted to be on stage, but I didn't like the idea of plays. 0.90

02:19:54.000 I just wanted to get on stage to, like, get my comfort level up.

02:19:59.000 Training wheels.

02:20:00.000 Yeah, dude. 0.99

02:20:00.000 And one of the teachers pulled me aside one day and she was like, you know, you could actually be a good actor if you didn't just fuck around when you got on stage. 0.99

02:20:09.000 And I was like, well, I really want to fuck around on stage. 0.99

02:20:12.000 She's like, well, then why don't you go do that for a living? 1.00

02:20:14.000 And no shit. 0.99

02:20:15.000 I was like, I'm gonna try. 0.99

02:20:16.000 And I knew I wanted to stand up so bad.

02:20:18.000 And when I moved to L.A., I started in L.A. and...

02:20:21.000 I was like, I'm either going to sink or swim.

02:20:23.000 When did you start?

02:20:24.000 What year?

02:20:25.000 I moved here at the end of 2006. I lived on a guy's fucking Lazy Boy in Long Beach. 0.98

02:20:31.000 Wow. 1.00

02:20:31.000 And I used to drive up my buddy's truck every single fucking night. 1.00

02:20:33.000 I'd drop him off at the casino. 0.99

02:20:35.000 He was a professional gambler. 0.92

02:20:36.000 I'd drop him off at the casino, take his truck, because I didn't have a car or money, do fucking mics, go to the store and, you know, get intimidated, learn some lessons, and then fucking drive back home, pick him up, and we fell, you know, could get a burrito and do it all over again. 0.97

02:20:48.000 That's wild, man. 0.94

02:20:49.000 So you started really coming to the store when I was gone.

02:20:52.000 Yeah.

02:20:52.000 It was like 2007-ish, right?

02:20:54.000 Yeah, you weren't around.

02:20:55.000 But your legacy was there.

02:20:56.000 You know what I mean?

02:20:57.000 Like, it was like...

02:20:58.000 We all knew those that came before us and those that we talked about, but it was like, I was right there when you had kind of left that world a little bit.

02:21:09.000 But it's wild because it was like, I hated this store when I first started, dude. 0.96

02:21:14.000 2006-2007 was fucking awful. 0.95

02:21:16.000 The people above us, none of the older comics were that fucking nice. 1.00

02:21:21.000 The vibe was negative as shit. 0.99

02:21:23.000 There wasn't a lot of crowds. 1.00

02:21:25.000 The open mics were fucking brutal. 1.00

02:21:27.000 They were miserable. 0.99

02:21:28.000 They barely got watched.

02:21:30.000 You know, it's just so many negative things about that place at the time that we were going through it. 0.74

02:21:34.000 And then it slowly kind of turned into this, you know, what we've seen now, which is just fucking amazing.

02:21:39.000 What you see now is crazy.

02:21:40.000 You pull into the parking lot.

02:21:41.000 It's jammed.

02:21:42.000 The hallways are jammed with people. 1.00

02:21:44.000 And it makes me smile from fucking year to year. 0.99

02:21:46.000 It's weird, right? 0.99

02:21:47.000 Isn't it weird?

02:21:47.000 Like it's a different thing.

02:21:48.000 It's weird.

02:21:49.000 I've been there since 94, man.

02:21:51.000 It's never been like this.

02:21:52.000 This is a totally different thing.

02:21:54.000 You know what it still does to me?

02:21:56.000 This is the truth. 0.99

02:21:57.000 You kind of get desensitized to shit, but seeing my name up on the board when it's a packed night, it still gets me like... 0.99

02:22:05.000 I still get excited. 0.99

02:22:06.000 I'm like, that's fucking cool. 0.95

02:22:07.000 I'm a part of this moment in time in comedy. 1.00

02:22:10.000 At that fucking club, in my opinion, the club. 0.99

02:22:13.000 It's just something else, man. 1.00

02:22:15.000 There's something powerful as shit that's... 0.99

02:22:17.000 Sometimes I walk to the club because I live in the neighborhood and I like to walk instead of drive because it helps me get out of my brain. 0.99

02:22:23.000 And every time I fucking walk up, you know, and I see my name up there, there's like a fucking overwhelming feeling. 0.96

02:22:29.000 The moment I see it, it's like, this is... 0.99

02:22:32.000 Soak it in a little bit, because it doesn't last forever.

02:22:35.000 It's nice to have a place that's like that, too.

02:22:38.000 To just have one place that stands out as something that means more than just a comedy club.

02:22:45.000 It's an iconic thing.

02:22:48.000 There's something about that place that's like, we're at the store.

02:22:51.000 It's bigger than comedy, man.

02:22:54.000 It's like a...

02:22:56.000 It's something big. 0.98

02:22:57.000 It's something fucking special, man. 0.97

02:22:59.000 Well, Polly and I were talking about this and I told them that your mom's one of the most important people ever in comedy. 0.99

02:23:05.000 Period.

02:23:06.000 Like, ever.

02:23:07.000 One of the most influential humans in the comedy world.

02:23:10.000 In the world of what we know today as stand-up comedy...

02:23:13.000 Yes.

02:23:14.000 Mitzi Shore.

02:23:15.000 Like, without her?

02:23:16.000 Like, stop and think about what other comedy club owner has had the kind of influence, even remotely similar to what she's had.

02:23:24.000 I would know none of the above.

02:23:26.000 I mean, I guess the only person that you could bring into that namesake may be Bud Friedman from the improv.

02:23:30.000 Maybe, because he did Evening at the Improv and he had the monocle and everything like that, but I don't think, in the hardcore sense, it's even close.

02:23:36.000 Won't be the same.

02:23:37.000 No.

02:23:38.000 But yeah, what she did was shape and revolutionize the business that you know today. 0.62

02:23:43.000 She knew how to do it too.

02:23:44.000 Leave it up to the comedians.

02:23:46.000 Leave them alone.

02:23:47.000 And then also give them hard spots.

02:23:50.000 Make them work for it.

02:23:51.000 Make them work for it.

02:23:52.000 That's the best part about that club.

02:23:53.000 You think someone's funny?

02:23:54.000 Good. 0.97

02:23:55.000 Put them on after Dice or put them on after, you know, whoever the fuck it was at the time that was killing. 0.76

02:23:59.000 See how funny they are after Richard Pryor.

02:24:01.000 Exactly.

02:24:01.000 Yeah, see how funny they are after someone just destroys...

02:24:05.000 You just gotta go up to this wasteland of the audience.

02:24:08.000 That's such a testament about that club, too.

02:24:10.000 It's what they've always done.

02:24:12.000 You feel it. 1.00

02:24:13.000 I ate plates of shit in that place. 1.00

02:24:17.000 There's just no way around it. 1.00

02:24:19.000 Following everybody.

02:24:21.000 Following anybody.

02:24:22.000 I followed Pryor for five weeks. 1.00

02:24:24.000 Fuck! 1.00

02:24:25.000 When Pryor was in a wheelchair, so they would have to carry him to the stage. 1.00

02:24:29.000 It was dark.

02:24:30.000 You know, it would be really funny if you had to go on, you had to carry him off and then do your set.

02:24:35.000 They were like, carry him!

02:24:36.000 Start it from the crowd.

02:24:38.000 Carry the legend.

02:24:39.000 Yeah.

02:24:40.000 But that philosophy that she had that make you work for it, make you sink or swim. 0.98

02:24:45.000 Yeah.

02:24:45.000 So important.

02:24:47.000 People that we know to this day that are scared to have tough spots, and we know those people.

02:24:51.000 Totally.

02:24:52.000 Will they see somebody like Joey Diaz in the lineup and they're like, I'm going to go for a drive.

02:24:56.000 I'll be back in a little bit.

02:24:57.000 They'll let somebody else take their spot, and they come in, and they check, oh, is he up?

02:25:02.000 Oh, I missed my spot?

02:25:03.000 Am I on next?

02:25:04.000 I thought you were just here.

02:25:05.000 Where'd you go? 1.00

02:25:05.000 Yeah, you hid from Joey Diaz, motherfucker. 1.00

02:25:09.000 The only way to go up after Joey Diaz... 1.00

02:25:13.000 Is to just ride the lightning.

02:25:15.000 Yeah, you gotta ride the wave.

02:25:16.000 You have to enjoy him.

02:25:18.000 You have to have fun. 0.98

02:25:19.000 I fucking love watching him. 0.97

02:25:20.000 Yeah, but that's what I'm saying. 0.98

02:25:21.000 The problem with comics when it comes to those sort of situations is you see someone killing and for some reason you think that's taking away from your ability to be funny.

02:25:30.000 It's a weird...

02:25:31.000 It's the opposite.

02:25:32.000 Yes.

02:25:32.000 They want you to win with someone.

02:25:34.000 Let them know that you're there to win again instead of... 0.98

02:25:38.000 Well, I can't fucking... 0.99

02:25:39.000 Follow that. 0.98

02:25:40.000 I'm not going to talk about what Joey's talking about.

02:25:42.000 This is going to be disappointing.

02:25:43.000 Don't get your hopes up.

02:25:45.000 Yeah.

02:25:45.000 Oh, well, good.

02:25:46.000 I'm glad you set yourself up.

02:25:48.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:25:48.000 It's fucking... 1.00

02:25:49.000 You also should be going up laughing. 1.00

02:25:51.000 Like, it should be fun.

02:25:52.000 Something happens to some comedians along the line where they stop being fans of comedy.

02:25:56.000 Like, why did you get into this in the first place?

02:25:58.000 Didn't you like watching it?

02:26:00.000 Right.

02:26:00.000 You're going to stop watching it now that you're a pro?

02:26:02.000 That's crazy.

02:26:03.000 It wasn't because of all the billions of dollars that you thought you were going to make.

02:26:07.000 You know what I mean? 1.00

02:26:07.000 Nobody got in and was like, dude, I can't wait to make so much fucking bank on this shit. 1.00

02:26:11.000 Yeah, no one's getting into comedy for that. 0.99

02:26:13.000 Although it can be done, you know, if you're like Kevin Hart, it can be done.

02:26:17.000 But that's not why you get into it.

02:26:18.000 But it's like what we were talking about earlier.

02:26:20.000 It's like people that are trying to get the limelight.

02:26:24.000 It's that weird, depressing thing. 0.99

02:26:26.000 Versus someone who's just like, I'm just trying to do my best shit. 0.95

02:26:30.000 Just trying to put out my best stand-up product. 0.96

02:26:34.000 I just want to pump out what I'm proud of. 1.00

02:26:35.000 Just hammer that bitch together. 1.00

02:26:37.000 I just want to punch him in the fucking head. 1.00

02:26:39.000 Does the Showtime special have your rock bit? 1.00

02:26:43.000 The bit on the rock?

02:26:44.000 It's on Showtime right now on the South by Southwest tour that I did.

02:26:48.000 They do the fucking behind the scenes of South by Southwest and I did a bit at the showcase for South by Southwest and I put it up on there.

02:26:54.000 Is it in your Showtime special though? 0.69

02:26:55.000 It's not, dude.

02:26:56.000 It's just on that.

02:26:57.000 How is that possible?

02:26:58.000 Because I did that first and Showtime put that up.

02:27:00.000 So what?

02:27:01.000 I know I should have done it again.

02:27:03.000 God!

02:27:04.000 I know.

02:27:05.000 Oh, that bit's so good!

02:27:07.000 I should have done it again. 1.00

02:27:08.000 Motherfucker. 1.00

02:27:09.000 I thought of you, actually. 1.00

02:27:10.000 I thought of you.

02:27:10.000 I was like, God, I should have done that, Joe.

02:27:12.000 I bet you fucking Joe would have said I should have done it again. 0.97

02:27:14.000 Dude, I've told so many people about that bit. 0.99

02:27:16.000 That's a funny bit, dude.

02:27:17.000 But the beauty is it links to it so it's on Showtime so they can watch my other set.

02:27:20.000 And all that stuff, that's another 15 minutes that I didn't put in my special that I did at South By.

02:27:24.000 Oh, really?

02:27:24.000 Yeah, that I really like.

02:27:25.000 Let's get that shit on YouTube. 1.00

02:27:27.000 Somebody wink, wink. 1.00

02:27:28.000 Wink, wink, wink.

02:27:29.000 Somebody knows how to strip things down and move things around.

02:27:31.000 Is that it?

02:27:32.000 Uh, no.

02:27:33.000 No.

02:27:33.000 Okay.

02:27:34.000 What is that?

02:27:35.000 Say No More?

02:27:35.000 Is that another CD? That's from my first album.

02:27:36.000 That's my old album.

02:27:37.000 When did you put out the album?

02:27:38.000 What year was this?

02:27:39.000 It was two years ago.

02:27:40.000 That was my first album that I put out.

02:27:43.000 Say No More.

02:27:44.000 Andrew Santino.

02:27:45.000 Say No More.

02:27:46.000 All right, man.

02:27:46.000 That's not it.

02:27:47.000 Let's bring this bitch home. 1.00

02:27:49.000 Yeah, baby. 1.00

02:27:50.000 So the show starts Sunday.

02:27:53.000 That's when it first airs.

02:27:54.000 I'm dying up here.

02:27:54.000 Starts Sunday on Showtime.

02:27:55.000 And if you're a fan of comedy, we definitely want that to keep going.

02:27:58.000 So let's try to support that thing.

02:28:00.000 And Andrew Santino's comedy special...

02:28:02.000 Called Home Field Advantage comes out this Friday tomorrow, baby.

02:28:05.000 Dude, you're one of my favorite up-and-coming guys. 0.97

02:28:07.000 I think you're a fucking hilariously talented guy. 0.91

02:28:10.000 Thank you, man. 0.95

02:28:11.000 It means a lot to me.

02:28:11.000 Coming from you, that means a ton, dude.

02:28:13.000 Thank you, brother.

02:28:13.000 My man!

02:28:14.000 Alright, folks.

02:28:15.000 We'll be back tomorrow with Brett Weinstein.

02:28:18.000 And Brett Weinstein is that college professor that is being kicked out of school because...

02:28:23.000 He's been forced out of school because they actually closed Evergreen College down today because of threats.

02:28:28.000 The students have taken over the college and he was forced out because he wasn't willing to participate in a white stay home day. 0.95

02:28:35.000 They wanted all white people, all people of white privilege to stay home. 0.99

02:28:40.000 He was like, that's ridiculous. 0.99

02:28:41.000 I'm not going to not teach because I'm white. 0.98

02:28:43.000 And this guy's like a super progressive guy too, which is really crazy.

02:28:47.000 They're attacking him.

02:28:48.000 They're screaming in the hallways, hey, hey, ho, ho, this racist teacher has got to go. 0.97

02:28:53.000 They're calling him racist.

02:28:55.000 We are almost at the breaking point of political correctness.

02:28:58.000 We're going to talk to Brett Weinstein tomorrow about that.

02:29:00.000 And he's also a brilliant professor with a lot of other important stuff to talk about.

02:29:03.000 So we'll see you soon.

02:29:04.000 Bye-bye.

02:29:06.000 Dude, that was awesome.

The Joe Rogan Experience - June 01, 2017

Joe Rogan Experience #969 - Andrew Santino

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