The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #980 - Chris D'Elia

00:00:00.000 Hey ladies and gentlemen, how you doing?

00:00:02.000 Huh?

00:00:03.000 I got a bunch of shit going on.

00:00:06.000 I don't know why I sing like that.

00:00:07.000 It's probably insecurity because it's not funny.

00:00:10.000 What do I do it?

00:00:11.000 Don't know what to do, so I just start singing.

00:00:14.000 I am at the ice house this weekend, but it's sold out.

00:00:16.000 Then next week and the 7th of July, I'm at the Ka Theater at the MGM with the great Tony Hinchcliffe.

00:00:24.000 Next week after that, I'm in Salt Lake City.

00:00:26.000 That's sold out.

00:00:28.000 And then the next week after that, I don't actually don't get back in until Sacramento is when I'm on the road again.

00:00:35.000 That is the 3rd of August.

00:00:39.000 Sacramento and then Seattle on the 4th and then San Diego on the 5th.

00:00:44.000 Whoa! 0.71

00:00:45.000 Got a lot of shit going on, folks.

00:00:46.000 JoeRogan.net forward slash tour.

00:00:48.000 I'm doing a lot of tour dates.

00:00:50.000 I'm all over the place.

00:00:51.000 I'm all over the place.

00:00:53.000 Thanks, everybody.

00:00:54.000 Came out this weekend to Minneapolis and Indianapolis.

00:00:57.000 Fucking great time.

00:00:58.000 It was so much fun.

00:01:00.000 Great.

00:01:01.000 I'm fired up.

00:01:01.000 I'm pumped up.

00:01:02.000 I'm focused.

00:01:03.000 It's very exciting.

00:01:05.000 This episode of the podcast is brought to you by NatureBox.

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00:01:29.000 Good shit.

00:01:30.000 What do I like?

00:01:31.000 I like sriracha cashews, but I've talked about it so many times.

00:01:35.000 People think I'm a broken record.

00:01:36.000 So I'll offer up also jalapeno cashews.

00:01:40.000 I try not to eat stuff with a lot of sugar in it.

00:01:42.000 So those are good for me, especially the jalapeno ones.

00:01:45.000 Virtually none.

00:01:47.000 But if I want to have a treat, I'll have peanut butter nom noms.

00:01:51.000 It's a bunch of really delicious, yummy shit.

00:01:53.000 Big Island pineapple, that's a favorite as well.

00:01:55.000 I love those.

00:01:56.000 I ate a whole bag of those the other day.

00:01:57.000 I had to like go was like, let me just have one.

00:02:01.000 Gone.

00:02:02.000 All of them.

00:02:02.000 Delicious, though.

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00:02:35.000 We're also brought to you by Movement Watches, MVMT Watches.

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00:04:11.000 rogan and we're also brought to you each and every episode by onit.com onit is a total human optimization company where we strive to provide you with all of the tools and inspiration and information that you need to get your fucking shit working at the optimum level what do i mean by that i mean things to optimize your mind um interesting articles on exercise motivational q a's 0.54

00:04:41.000 with influential people, motivational videos.

00:04:45.000 What we try to do, if you click on the Onnit Academy link, the Academy link is a section of the site that's filled with hundreds of articles, videos, cool workouts, and all of it is just designed to fire you up, give you information, and show you that there's a lot of other people that are doing this.

00:05:03.000 There's a lot of other people that are pushing their body, pushing their mind, and getting themselves in a very satisfactory place, a place where they feel good about progress.

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00:05:42.000 extra energy through workouts but it it's not speedy like a coffee we got everything folks kettlebells all kinds of great shit go to onit.com use the code word rogan and save 10 off any and all supplements all right my guest today is my friend chris dahlia chris dahlia is a hilarious stand-up comedian and he has a new special that's out right now on netflix called man on fire and we had a great time he's a fun dude he's a silly goose and we had a we had a silly

00:06:12.000 old time.

00:06:13.000 So enjoy it folks.

00:06:14.000 Chris D'Elia.

00:06:15.000 Joe Rogan podcast.

00:06:16.000 Check it out.

00:06:18.000 The Joe Rogan experience.

00:06:20.000 Train by day.

00:06:21.000 Joe Rogan podcast by night.

00:06:23.000 All day.

00:06:24.000 Man on fire ladies and gentlemen.

00:06:26.000 Available right now on Netflix.

00:06:29.000 Pause this podcast and go watch to even better enjoy the comedic stylings of Chris D'Elia.

00:06:35.000 What's up buddy?

00:06:37.000 Dude your shit is out right now.

00:06:37.000 What's up man?

00:06:39.000 I know it's actually I'm so happy I'm doing this and we're gonna talk for a few hours because i can't stop checking my fucking phone on twitter like an asshole i know i know i i think I think, oh, I won't do it.

00:06:50.000 And then I'll be like, don't do it, don't do it.

00:06:52.000 And as I'm doing it, I'm thinking, I better not be doing it.

00:06:54.000 And I'm like, I'm doing it fucking right now.

00:06:56.000 You've got to have other activities.

00:06:58.000 I know I work out, but then I do stand up.

00:06:58.000 I know.

00:07:02.000 It's a problem.

00:07:02.000 I know.

00:07:03.000 It's a problem.

00:07:04.000 You know what I mean?

00:07:04.000 Yeah.

00:07:05.000 Well, you're very dedicated to it.

00:07:07.000 You love it.

00:07:08.000 And when you love it, you think about it a lot.

00:07:09.000 When you think about it a lot, let me check Twitter.

00:07:11.000 I know.

00:07:12.000 Don't do it.

00:07:12.000 It's also such a safety kind of just move that you.

00:07:16.000 I mean, we've talked about this before.

00:07:18.000 It's just like fucking you got to put your phone down for a day sometime.

00:07:21.000 You know what I've been doing lately that has been more productive when I know I can't give in to the I go over my notes.

00:07:28.000 That's good.

00:07:29.000 This is what I find, man.

00:07:30.000 I find that like what I'm what I'm doing is just distracting myself.

00:07:33.000 Dude, I was talking about this on my podcast, man.

00:07:36.000 I used to think.

00:07:39.000 I used to just spend time thinking.

00:07:41.000 Like just spend time in my house or apartment just thinking about things.

00:07:45.000 I don't do that as much anymore because I just think, what did this fucking guy say on Twitter?

00:07:51.000 It robs you of your life.

00:07:53.000 Creativity, too.

00:07:54.000 It's like, I mean, it's hard to be prolific when you're just looking at your phone.

00:07:58.000 It does something to you when you just get mindless tweets and you're still looking at them.

00:08:03.000 It's like a numbing agent.

00:08:05.000 Yeah, it's weird.

00:08:06.000 It's not, I mean, because what are you going to see?

00:08:07.000 Somebody likes your special?

00:08:08.000 Okay, good.

00:08:09.000 Well, I do follow a lot of cool people that will post up some cool shit and sometimes articles and shit.

00:08:15.000 When people send me those, I try to retweet the ones that I think are interesting.

00:08:18.000 So there's a benefit to it there.

00:08:20.000 But the real, you get lost checking how people like things.

00:08:25.000 Yeah.

00:08:27.000 How was that show?

00:08:28.000 Was that a good show?

00:08:28.000 I know.

00:08:30.000 Chairman Twitter.

00:08:32.000 I know.

00:08:33.000 Yeah.

00:08:33.000 But you're right.

00:08:34.000 Like your time is better spent trying to do more stuff, like do more comedy, but it's a thief of your time.

00:08:41.000 It really is, dude.

00:08:42.000 It really is.

00:08:43.000 They're thieves.

00:08:44.000 I don't think we're designed for them.

00:08:44.000 It really is.

00:08:46.000 No, I, you know, I don't know.

00:08:49.000 I don't know what to do.

00:08:50.000 Do you ever see a person who's got epilepsy where they can't watch one of those animated GIF files?

00:08:54.000 No.

00:08:55.000 I had a buddy of mine, and I thought he was joking.

00:08:58.000 I didn't know he was being honest.

00:08:59.000 I had this message board, and on my website, message board, someone made me like this really flashy image for the face where it's like it turns on and off, you know, pulsates.

00:09:10.000 And my friend's wife has epilepsy, and he's like, dude, you got to take that down because if my wife looks at it, she'll have a seizure.

00:09:17.000 Whoa.

00:09:18.000 Like a GIF?

00:09:20.000 Yeah, like an animated...

00:09:22.000 Gif or GIF?

00:09:23.000 Oh, I don't know.

00:09:24.000 I've never heard anybody say it.

00:09:25.000 GIF or GIF.

00:09:26.000 I don't know.

00:09:26.000 I don't think I've ever said it.

00:09:28.000 It's a big debate.

00:09:28.000 It is a big debate.

00:09:30.000 JIF slash GIF.

00:09:31.000 But she can't even look at it.

00:09:33.000 If she looks at it, she will go into an epileptic seizure.

00:09:35.000 Well, how do you police that?

00:09:37.000 You just don't look online ever?

00:09:38.000 I guess they have to be real careful of what she sees.

00:09:42.000 I guess maybe if she turns away real quick, maybe she'll be okay.

00:09:46.000 I really don't know how it works.

00:09:47.000 Maybe she has to wear special glasses when she looks at online.

00:09:51.000 I don't know what's like, could you imagine you've got some sort of a weird misfire where just lights will make your body shut off?

00:09:59.000 It's like someone hacked your brain.

00:10:01.000 You could shut it off with some light, some flashing shit.

00:10:05.000 That's like some, yeah, that's like the superhero's weakness where you're like, we'll get him with flashing lights.

00:10:09.000 It's kryptonite.

00:10:10.000 Right?

00:10:10.000 Who knew?

00:10:11.000 Because kryptonite doesn't even work on us.

00:10:12.000 No.

00:10:13.000 Doesn't do shit to us.

00:10:14.000 No.

00:10:14.000 Superman's such a pussy.

00:10:16.000 I know.

00:10:17.000 And in one of the Superman movies, they didn't even have kryptonite.

00:10:21.000 In the one Superman movie, but before the one before Superman and Batman, I saw it, and the bad guy didn't even use kryptonite, so you basically couldn't destroy Superman.

00:10:30.000 So I was like, so why the fuck is this movie even a movie?

00:10:32.000 Because people are stupider now.

00:10:33.000 They had to tone it down.

00:10:35.000 Like back in the Christopher Reeves days, you need to have like an antagonist, a protagonist.

00:10:38.000 You'd have a lot of people today like, I don't want Superman to ever get his ass kicked.

00:10:43.000 Ever.

00:10:43.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:10:44.000 Because then there'll be some sort of group that finds it offensive.

00:10:47.000 Oh, that's true, too.

00:10:48.000 Right?

00:10:48.000 Yeah.

00:10:49.000 So these flashing things, when I found out about it, that flashing animated files, and then I found out there was a television show in Japan that they had to take off the air.

00:11:00.000 Because all these people were watching it and having seizures.

00:11:00.000 No.

00:11:03.000 In Japan?

00:11:04.000 I feel like every show in Japan is flashing lights.

00:11:04.000 Yes.

00:11:07.000 I feel like they have a show called Flashing Lights.

00:11:09.000 They have the Flashing Light Network.

00:11:11.000 And they just can't stay.

00:11:12.000 I mean, isn't it?

00:11:13.000 Ec clip I've ever seen on Japan is like pink and blue and like.

00:11:16.000 Right, but what if all they saw of us is Fear Factor?

00:11:20.000 Yeah.

00:11:21.000 Well, that's probably what they would choose to watch.

00:11:23.000 But maybe they have some cool shit over there, but we're only seeing, you know, like when How many Donkey Dick can you a small?

00:11:29.000 What is this?

00:11:29.000 That's true.

00:11:30.000 Okay, the banned Pokemon episode that gave children seizures.

00:11:34.000 I mean, I thought the whole point of Pokemon was to give people seizures.

00:11:36.000 Oh my God, 700 children were on their way to the hospital after watching that.

00:11:42.000 30 minutes after the show, 700 children went to the hospital for seizures.

00:11:48.000 Is that what it's really saying?

00:11:50.000 That's incredible.

00:11:52.000 Could you imagine a room of 700 people is like, you're killing, right?

00:11:55.000 If you have a stage.

00:11:56.000 Oh, yeah.

00:11:56.000 Imagine if you had a stage.

00:11:58.000 I always think of it in terms of that, dude.

00:11:59.000 I always think of how many people in terms of like how big of a room would that fill as a stand-up.

00:12:04.000 I got Ari Shafir to feel really good about his Twitter following back when he only had 2,000.

00:12:08.000 I go, dude, you have a fucking sold-out theater.

00:12:11.000 Totally.

00:12:12.000 And he was like, yeah.

00:12:13.000 I go, you got a sold-out theater.

00:12:14.000 People are paying attention to you.

00:12:15.000 He's like, yeah.

00:12:17.000 What am I doing?

00:12:17.000 I go, yeah, well, you're looking at Britney Spears.

00:12:19.000 You can't do that, man.

00:12:21.000 Fuck your head up.

00:12:22.000 She has 100 million, right?

00:12:23.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:12:24.000 But yeah, there's something about...

00:12:28.000 700 people having a seizure in front of you.

00:12:30.000 Imagine if you were on stage and the whole audience just seizures.

00:12:33.000 I would just be like, whoa, I'm next level.

00:12:36.000 Chris DeLeah, banned from New York.

00:12:39.000 He's just seizuring people.

00:12:41.000 We should have taped this one.

00:12:42.000 Dude, Dalia has his bit.

00:12:44.000 He strips down to his underwear.

00:12:45.000 His underwear are bright silver.

00:12:46.000 He starts doing cartwheels and people seize your.

00:12:48.000 I've never seen anything like it.

00:12:49.000 Yeah.

00:12:50.000 That'd be a hell of a claim.

00:12:52.000 Well, you could probably pull something like that off.

00:12:54.000 I wonder if you could make someone seize her with comedy.

00:12:57.000 You would have to have some sort of backscreen on your punchline.

00:13:01.000 Your punchline.

00:13:02.000 You rip your track suit off, like one of those Velcro things that those basketball players have.

00:13:07.000 They pull their tear away.

00:13:08.000 And they pull their tear away.

00:13:09.000 Yeah.

00:13:09.000 And underneath it, you have strobing lights on the punchline.

00:13:14.000 So you hit him with the punchline.

00:13:15.000 I said, yeah, there is.

00:13:17.000 My dick.

00:13:18.000 Shut, shut, shut, shut, shut, shut.

00:13:20.000 And just everyone with epilepsy just falls to the ground.

00:13:23.000 I wonder if it would be silent, though.

00:13:25.000 I like to hear the noise.

00:13:26.000 You wouldn't figure it out.

00:13:27.000 You would certainly hear thuds.

00:13:29.000 Imagine that, a group thud across the city.

00:13:32.000 You hear what the fuck was that?

00:13:34.000 That would be 700 people falling down on their heads.

00:13:37.000 Terrible for you.

00:13:39.000 Definitely don't want to do that.

00:13:40.000 Bad flashing lights.

00:13:40.000 But I don't like flashing lights anywhere there's flashing lights.

00:13:43.000 I'm not epileptic.

00:13:44.000 Anywhere there's flashing lights, I tend to avoid that place.

00:13:46.000 Yeah, I wonder what that's doing to you.

00:13:48.000 Like, maybe if it's a person like you or I who doesn't have epilepsy, maybe it's just a certain amount of time.

00:13:53.000 Maybe you can only endure a certain amount of time.

00:13:55.000 Because when they torture, you've seen those videos and shit where they like, I mean, not torture videos, but like reenactments or like things in movies where they're flashing lights and shit and torturing the guy.

00:13:55.000 I would think so, right?

00:14:04.000 That's part of it, right?

00:14:05.000 Yeah.

00:14:06.000 Depriving the senses.

00:14:07.000 Sensory deprivation, Chinese water torture.

00:14:10.000 Two with just little drips.

00:14:12.000 Drip.

00:14:12.000 Yeah.

00:14:13.000 Have you read the John Ronson book, Men Who Stare at Goats?

00:14:15.000 Yes.

00:14:16.000 You've had him on here, right?

00:14:17.000 Yeah, I have.

00:14:18.000 That book is crazy how they would torture people by playing like hip-hop music or whatever the fuck it was.

00:14:22.000 There's been a, well, with Panama, what the fuck's that guy? 1.00

00:14:26.000 Manuel Noriega.

00:14:28.000 I think they used to play Death Metal.

00:14:30.000 I think they used to play, didn't they?

00:14:32.000 Like, Judge, Judge, by the way.

00:14:38.000 That kind of shit.

00:14:40.000 But I get that, because if I'm in anywhere and then that happens, I leave.

00:14:44.000 I think they played Uptown Girl too from Billy Joel.

00:14:46.000 And I'm not kidding.

00:14:47.000 Really?

00:14:47.000 I think that was one of the things they did.

00:14:49.000 They played Uptown Girl.

00:14:50.000 And a Baby Spears song, too, I think.

00:14:51.000 Yeah.

00:14:52.000 That's Uptown Girl. 1.00

00:14:54.000 Bad PR or Good PR.

00:14:58.000 That's not good.

00:14:58.000 One time you hear that song, you're like, oh, I remember this song.

00:15:01.000 It's good.

00:15:01.000 I have a theory about that song.

00:15:03.000 What?

00:15:04.000 Billy Joel is an incredibly talented musician, but not the best-looking guy in the world.

00:15:10.000 Can we agree on that?

00:15:11.000 Oh, yeah.

00:15:11.000 Yeah.

00:15:12.000 Sure, right?

00:15:12.000 Of course.

00:15:13.000 He's not Josh Tuhamel.

00:15:16.000 No, that guy's not.

00:15:16.000 He pulled that one out of his mouth.

00:15:17.000 Yeah.

00:15:17.000 No one's handsome.

00:15:18.000 Who's another one that's like personal?

00:15:18.000 Right?

00:15:19.000 Josh Tamal.

00:15:20.000 Chris Pine.

00:15:21.000 Chris Pine.

00:15:22.000 Yeah, he's a good-looking guy.

00:15:22.000 Yeah, there's a good one.

00:15:23.000 And Chris Pratt, there's another one.

00:15:25.000 Yeah, he's a good-looking guy, yeah.

00:15:26.000 Idris Elba.

00:15:26.000 Great-looking guys.

00:15:28.000 Perfect example.

00:15:29.000 Like how you added a little diversity.

00:15:30.000 I wanted to go a little hit.

00:15:31.000 It's a good move.

00:15:32.000 Handsome bastard.

00:15:33.000 Billy Joel is an average-looking fella.

00:15:36.000 And then he hooked up with arguably one of the hottest women that's ever been.

00:15:40.000 Christia Brinkley.

00:15:40.000 Yeah, and that just fucked him up.

00:15:42.000 What do you mean?

00:15:42.000 Oh, madam.

00:15:44.000 Yeah, that's where.

00:15:45.000 Tell her about it.

00:15:47.000 Tell her everything.

00:15:49.000 He's too happy.

00:15:51.000 He was too in love.

00:15:52.000 He wanted to tell everybody the story.

00:15:54.000 Uptown girl, he's a downtown guy.

00:15:57.000 He wants to think of himself as like this rugged, attractive, rebel, bad boy on his motorcycle.

00:16:03.000 And she's this perfect featured supermodel with impossibly valuable eggs. 1.00

00:16:09.000 That's interesting.

00:16:10.000 Yeah.

00:16:11.000 Wrecked them.

00:16:12.000 Couldn't handle it.

00:16:13.000 But he got even bigger after that.

00:16:15.000 Yeah, but it doesn't matter.

00:16:16.000 It doesn't matter.

00:16:17.000 I hear what you're saying.

00:16:17.000 Dude, she was so hot.

00:16:19.000 But he's not.

00:16:19.000 She's still hot.

00:16:20.000 She's like 70.

00:16:21.000 My favorite is her in that Chuck Norris, what do you call it? 1.00

00:16:24.000 Total gym code.

00:16:25.000 Oh, that's right.

00:16:26.000 When they would do the little.

00:16:27.000 Dude, I would watch that info.

00:16:29.000 I love infomercials.

00:16:30.000 I watch them late at night.

00:16:32.000 And that was my favorite infomercial.

00:16:34.000 And then they remade it.

00:16:35.000 And I didn't like it as much as the original.

00:16:35.000 Oh, yeah.

00:16:38.000 That's how much I watched.

00:16:39.000 Because the original was so good because Chuck Norris was like, let's just fucking get through this.

00:16:44.000 And Chrissy Brinkley was doing it really well.

00:16:46.000 But it was just so funny to see Chuck Norris' face during that.

00:16:48.000 And then he redid it and he figured it out.

00:16:50.000 He figured out how to do it a little better.

00:16:51.000 And I didn't like that.

00:16:51.000 Dude, I met Chuck Norris.

00:16:53.000 I met him a couple times.

00:16:54.000 This was the proudest moment of my life when Chuck Norris knew who I was.

00:16:58.000 Oh, wow.

00:16:59.000 Like, for real.

00:17:00.000 For real.

00:17:01.000 Meeting Chuck Norris, he comes and gives you a big hug.

00:17:03.000 I was like, holy shit, Chuck Norris knows who I am.

00:17:05.000 Just the UFC, I'm sure.

00:17:07.000 You know what I mean?

00:17:08.000 Oh, this was not that long ago.

00:17:09.000 No.

00:17:10.000 Oh, wow.

00:17:11.000 I first met him, I think maybe it was 10 years ago.

00:17:12.000 Oh, wow.

00:17:13.000 2007.

00:17:13.000 Okay.

00:17:14.000 And then I met him again.

00:17:15.000 I think about two years ago.

00:17:16.000 I met him again.

00:17:17.000 That's funny.

00:17:18.000 I always think about guys like that that were like big, that got big off of like martial arts in the 80s and 90s.

00:17:24.000 And then the UFC came along and kind of made those martial arts, in a fighting sense, obsolete.

00:17:30.000 You know, like if they would be that big.

00:17:30.000 Right.

00:17:33.000 I guess that's not going to happen anymore, really.

00:17:34.000 I mean, I don't know.

00:17:35.000 I know what you're saying.

00:17:36.000 Like, kung fu movies are obviously more beautiful than what's that movie that Callan did the played you in.

00:17:43.000 Yeah, Warrior.

00:17:43.000 What was that?

00:17:44.000 Yeah.

00:17:45.000 Yeah.

00:17:45.000 Well, the thing about Chuck Norris, though, is that he stayed current.

00:17:48.000 Chuck Norris is a black belt in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu.

00:17:50.000 Oh, he is.

00:17:51.000 Yeah, he's legit under the Machados.

00:17:53.000 And on top of that, he was a world champion kickboxer.

00:17:56.000 Right, yeah, no, no.

00:17:57.000 Chuck Norris was, like, he could grapple at a very high level, and he can was a world champion striker.

00:18:03.000 Chuck Norris is about as legit as any movie character tough guy.

00:18:08.000 About as legit as they've ever been.

00:18:10.000 Especially a guy who went on to do all these great movies.

00:18:13.000 Like Bruce Lee was a phenomenal martial artist and a brilliant guy in terms of how he put things together.

00:18:19.000 But as far as actual competition, Chuck Norris is the man.

00:18:23.000 I mean, he was the guy.

00:18:26.000 When I was a kid, dude, like Chuck Norris movies are the reason why I got into martial arts.

00:18:30.000 Really?

00:18:31.000 Dude, he was huge.

00:18:32.000 He had jeans on with a special crotch.

00:18:35.000 He had a special crotch cut in the jeans so he could fucking sidekick you in the face and cowboy boots on.

00:18:41.000 I found out about action jeans late in life, and I was like, that was a fucking thing.

00:18:46.000 Dude, I basically wear them.

00:18:48.000 I mean, what I wear now is more ridiculous than Chuck Narris's action jeans.

00:18:53.000 Yeah, well, the times have changed.

00:18:54.000 I mean, I have jog jeans, which is like fucking their stretch.

00:18:56.000 That's what I'm talking about.

00:18:57.000 Yeah, that's what I'm wearing, too.

00:18:58.000 They didn't have to be so much more comfortable.

00:19:00.000 They were way more comfortable.

00:19:01.000 Yeah, these were bullshit.

00:19:02.000 Like when you had a throat kick.

00:19:04.000 You could bind your legs.

00:19:05.000 When we would get pants, if I got pants, I always got pants that were too big for me, just so I could kick people.

00:19:11.000 I wanted to make sure I could kick people. 0.99

00:19:11.000 Oh, wow. 0.99

00:19:14.000 Just in case.

00:19:15.000 It never happened ever.

00:19:16.000 I know, I know.

00:19:17.000 It never happened ever.

00:19:19.000 My buddy, when I used to train, I trained when I was like 20 to 26, and my buddy was like, why do you do that?

00:19:25.000 And I was like, I don't know, just to protect myself?

00:19:27.000 He's like, yeah, but what's happening to you?

00:19:30.000 And I was like, well, you never know.

00:19:32.000 And he said, yeah, you do.

00:19:34.000 And I was like, yeah, you're kind of fucking right, man.

00:19:36.000 Most of the time, you do.

00:19:38.000 He's kind of right, and then he's definitely not right all the time because obviously people get fucked up all the time.

00:19:43.000 Of course.

00:19:43.000 But he's like, you kind of know where you're always going to be, and it's going to be fine.

00:19:47.000 Most of the time.

00:19:48.000 I know he was being general, obviously.

00:19:49.000 You never know what's going to happen.

00:19:50.000 But he's right in the sense that you put so much effort into self-defense and it almost never comes up.

00:19:56.000 Right, right.

00:19:56.000 Like getting like, wow, your whole life is preparing for something that never took place.

00:19:59.000 And then you get to a point where if you're known for it, like you, like, nobody's going to fuck with you.

00:20:03.000 So it's like, then it's definitely never going to happen.

00:20:05.000 Well, that's not true at all.

00:20:06.000 You probably got fucking assholes that want to.

00:20:06.000 No, you're right.

00:20:08.000 Guys, fuck with Chuck LaDell.

00:20:10.000 That's so crazy.

00:20:11.000 That's so insane to me, yeah.

00:20:12.000 I mean, Chuck Liddell, if you ever look in his eyes, he has the eyes of a leopard seal.

00:20:16.000 Like, you look in his eyes, he looks like a drink.

00:20:18.000 He's a fucking straight-up predator.

00:20:20.000 Like, anybody talk shit, and he, by the way, super nice guy.

00:20:24.000 If you've met him on the street, he's the nicest guy.

00:20:24.000 Like, don't get me wrong.

00:20:26.000 He's super friendly.

00:20:27.000 I also saw his thing on Undisputed or whatever the hell that show's called.

00:20:32.000 Yeah, he seemed like a nice guy anyway.

00:20:33.000 Dude, I was at a club with Chuck Liddell way back in the day when Chuck was the UFC light heavyweight champ.

00:20:40.000 And some guy had said something to one of his friends.

00:20:43.000 It was like some douche moment.

00:20:44.000 Who knows what was going on?

00:20:45.000 Just a bunch of silly people.

00:20:49.000 And his buddies, everybody was meatheads.

00:20:52.000 There's meatheads on both sides.

00:20:55.000 This guy came over and said something, and Chuck Liddell stood up, turned around, and looked at him.

00:21:00.000 And this guy looked like he saw a fucking ghost.

00:21:03.000 He looked into Chuck's eyes.

00:21:05.000 He was like, there's a type of dude that you don't start fights with.

00:21:09.000 Right?

00:21:10.000 But meanwhile, still people fuck with him.

00:21:12.000 To this day, people fuck with him.

00:21:13.000 I guess it's kind of the equivalent as somebody going up to a comedian thinking that they're funny and doing a joke.

00:21:18.000 Some people are just clueless.

00:21:21.000 They will walk up to the scariest motherfucker on the face of the planet and start shit with him. 1.00

00:21:25.000 I ain't afraid of you, bitch. 1.00

00:21:26.000 There's got to be guys who do that to Aleister Ulram or Brock Lesnar.

00:21:30.000 People are retarded. 1.00

00:21:31.000 That's so weird.

00:21:31.000 All you got to do is shake one of these guys' hands and you're like, oh, you're a tree.

00:21:35.000 Unbelievable, dude.

00:21:35.000 Yeah.

00:21:38.000 I mean, you shake Tate Fletcher's hand, you're like, oh, you're a fucking, you're cattle.

00:21:43.000 Do you know what I mean?

00:21:45.000 Yeah, he's a small moose.

00:21:46.000 I mean, even you, dude.

00:21:47.000 Honestly, one of the times we've said hi, I shit you not, and I'm not blowing smoke.

00:21:52.000 We said hi.

00:21:53.000 We did one of these and one of those fucking side hugs.

00:21:55.000 My jaw hit your fucking shoulder.

00:21:57.000 And for two days, I was like, I think it's okay.

00:22:01.000 Dude, you got to get out more.

00:22:02.000 You got to check.

00:22:04.000 It's good for your jaw.

00:22:05.000 Get that bunch of people.

00:22:06.000 I mean, but like it just hit the wrong way.

00:22:08.000 You know what I mean?

00:22:09.000 Jaws are weak, man.

00:22:11.000 Jaws are stupid design.

00:22:12.000 It's the unfair part of the human body, besides dick.

00:22:15.000 Paul's balls, yeah.

00:22:16.000 Have you ever been dropped?

00:22:17.000 Have you ever been punched and dropped?

00:22:18.000 In the balls?

00:22:19.000 No, in the chin.

00:22:20.000 It's the weirdest thing, man.

00:22:20.000 Oh, no, no, no.

00:22:22.000 I've been rocked before, but I got dropped once in a kickboxing fight, and my legs just gave out.

00:22:27.000 Weird.

00:22:28.000 Like, it's never happened like that before, where it's like a switch shut off.

00:22:31.000 I was totally conscious.

00:22:32.000 I could see the guy.

00:22:34.000 It clipped my chin and my legs just stopped working.

00:22:37.000 They just went out from under me.

00:22:38.000 And see, I feel like if I got hit in the jaw with a foot, my jaw would just break.

00:22:44.000 Yeah, this was a punch.

00:22:45.000 I got hit with a left hook.

00:22:46.000 And I just dropped.

00:22:46.000 Okay.

00:22:48.000 But it was weirder than any time I've ever dropped before.

00:22:52.000 It just, it was, everything shut off.

00:22:55.000 But my brain didn't.

00:22:56.000 But my legs just stopped working.

00:22:58.000 And so did you remember it?

00:22:59.000 Totally.

00:23:00.000 I never went unconscious.

00:23:01.000 I was totally conscious.

00:23:02.000 My body, like, once he clipped me, my body just wasn't working anymore.

00:23:07.000 It was like, dude, we're not working right now.

00:23:10.000 We got to take a break.

00:23:11.000 I tried to get up.

00:23:12.000 My legs were rubber, and I got up to my feet, and I covered up, and he hit me with a couple of uppercuts and dropped me again.

00:23:18.000 But the whole time, like, my body was just not working anymore.

00:23:21.000 Once he clipped me.

00:23:22.000 Like, even minutes afterwards.

00:23:22.000 Oh, really?

00:23:24.000 Oh, for sure.

00:23:24.000 Oh, wow.

00:23:25.000 That's true.

00:23:25.000 Yeah, because I remember I couldn't move.

00:23:27.000 Like, I was trying to get up and just, it wasn't working right.

00:23:31.000 Oh, my God.

00:23:31.000 That's got to be frustrating.

00:23:33.000 Well, if you get hit really hard there, then the whole thing just shuts off.

00:23:36.000 It's such a stupid design.

00:23:38.000 Yeah.

00:23:38.000 Like it's relatively hard to knock someone out unless you hit, Like, people get caught in strange ways and they get knocked out.

00:23:45.000 Like, there's no science to when you get knocked out.

00:23:47.000 Well, also, you got to worry about when you're hitting the ground, too.

00:23:51.000 Like, that could fuck you up.

00:23:52.000 Well, there was a UFC fighter named Tim Haig who just died a week or so ago, right?

00:23:58.000 It's about a week ago.

00:24:00.000 He was in a boxing match, and apparently he had suffered quite a few knockouts in the last year or so, and they really probably shouldn't have been fighting at all.

00:24:08.000 And he got knocked out, and as he got KO'd, his head hit the ground hard because he was out cold.

00:24:13.000 He bounced off the canvas of the boxing ring, and it sounded horrible.

00:24:18.000 But it was even, even though it was canvas, I mean, that's hard, but still.

00:24:20.000 I think it's canvas over wood, though.

00:24:22.000 I mean, they only have like thin.

00:24:25.000 In a UFC bout, you got a good, thick, fairly thick canvas because there's so many takedowns and, you know, body slams and stuff like that.

00:24:33.000 There's a little bit of give to that floor.

00:24:36.000 But on boxing rings, it can be considerably stiffer.

00:24:39.000 And there's different schools of thought.

00:24:41.000 Like, some people like a really soft floor because it makes it harder for guys to run.

00:24:46.000 Like, it's almost like running in sand.

00:24:48.000 You know, and then also safer if you get.

00:24:48.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:24:50.000 Like more of a mat.

00:24:51.000 Yeah, more of a mat.

00:24:52.000 Yeah.

00:24:53.000 But the UFC is like a, it's like a mat surface.

00:24:55.000 But it's covered in canvas, which is kind of fucked up because you never grapple on canvas until you fight in the cage.

00:25:00.000 Then you get ripped up.

00:25:01.000 Everybody gets torn apart by the canvas.

00:25:03.000 Yeah.

00:25:04.000 I went back and did a.

00:25:07.000 You saw the video I did with Joel Gerson.

00:25:09.000 You know Joel.

00:25:10.000 I don't know if you guys met, but...

00:25:10.000 Yes.

00:25:12.000 No, we never met, but I was a big fan of his.

00:25:14.000 He submitted...

00:25:18.000 Was it Sakurai?

00:25:19.000 No, it wasn't Sakurai.

00:25:20.000 Asian guy, right?

00:25:21.000 Ruminasato.

00:25:22.000 He submitted.

00:25:23.000 In Japan?

00:25:24.000 No, I don't think it was in Japan.

00:25:26.000 Maybe it was in Japan.

00:25:28.000 He went over to Saturday now.

00:25:29.000 But it was a huge deal because Rumen Asato at the time was one of the biggest MMA fighters in the world.

00:25:38.000 Pull that up if that's the case.

00:25:39.000 But it was mostly...

00:25:40.000 I think it's rumored...

00:25:49.000 Yeah, because Joel said that he was like the, I can't remember what he was saying.

00:25:54.000 He wasn't sure how practical his knowledge of fighting was until then.

00:26:01.000 Huh, that's interesting.

00:26:02.000 Yeah, because he got the guy in an arm bar after going right to the ground, and he was like, it was over right then.

00:26:09.000 you know what, man, there's dudes out there that you don't know that are fucking world-class.

00:26:15.000 The thing about jiu-jitsu is there's guys out there.

00:26:17.000 Yeah, that was it.

00:26:18.000 This is it.

00:26:19.000 Is this it?

00:26:20.000 Yeah, this is it.

00:26:25.000 How does this go down?

00:26:27.000 It's not long, or I guess it's four minutes, but.

00:26:30.000 I feel like this is the second fight.

00:26:33.000 I think this is the one.

00:26:34.000 And he gets him down on the ground and does an arm bar.

00:26:37.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:26:39.000 I don't know, dude.

00:26:41.000 Didn't they fight twice?

00:26:42.000 Didn't they fight once?

00:26:43.000 Oh, this is it.

00:26:44.000 Yeah.

00:26:45.000 Yeah.

00:26:49.000 I think he fucked his arm up, obviously.

00:26:51.000 Oh, dude, that is incredible, man.

00:26:53.000 Oh, look how bad it's bent, man.

00:26:56.000 That is death, too.

00:26:57.000 Look how he squeezes with his calf against the chin and tucks his foot under the shoulder.

00:27:03.000 That dude has submitted a lot of fucking people.

00:27:06.000 So this guy was a big jiu-jitsu guy that he fought?

00:27:08.000 I didn't know that.

00:27:09.000 Yeah, Sato.

00:27:09.000 Well, Sato was a big MMA fighter, but known for his grappling.

00:27:13.000 And I think they fought again in a straight grappling thing, if I remember correctly.

00:27:18.000 But anyway, that was a giant win for that dude.

00:27:21.000 Yeah.

00:27:21.000 So you did something with him?

00:27:23.000 No, I went to his class because, you know, I was in Toronto for like five weeks doing a movie.

00:27:28.000 What's the movie?

00:27:29.000 It's called Life in a Year, and it's a drama.

00:27:33.000 Dude, you're playing a drama.

00:27:34.000 You're being serious.

00:27:35.000 Yeah.

00:27:35.000 I don't even know which one.

00:27:36.000 Which will probably be funnier.

00:27:39.000 Was it weird?

00:27:40.000 You know what's weird about it is, like, you know, I do so much comedy that it's so fun to do comedy because even in between your takes, you're still in that mood where you're fucking around.

00:27:53.000 But I was doing this movie where literally I'm taking care of Cara Delevine, who is dying of cancer.

00:28:01.000 And it's like so heavy.

00:28:04.000 And then in between takes, we're like sad.

00:28:09.000 Oh, yeah.

00:28:10.000 So it's like, it was work.

00:28:10.000 Yeah.

00:28:12.000 I mean, it was definitely, I definitely wanted to do it.

00:28:15.000 It was just.

00:28:16.000 Did you want to do it because it's a new thing?

00:28:18.000 Yes.

00:28:18.000 I wanted to do it because, dude, especially after my third, I had just filmed my third special and I was like, what the fuck am I going to do?

00:28:23.000 Another special?

00:28:24.000 You know what I mean?

00:28:24.000 Like, I want to do something else.

00:28:26.000 I didn't want to do another sitcom because I did two of those.

00:28:28.000 Right.

00:28:29.000 And I don't want to do the same thing over and over and over again.

00:28:29.000 You know what I mean?

00:28:33.000 Right.

00:28:34.000 So that's why this, even on this special that just came out today, it's like I talk more about myself than I did in my first two, just because it's like, I don't want to keep making fun of the same shit.

00:28:45.000 I hear you, man.

00:28:45.000 Right.

00:28:45.000 Yeah.

00:28:46.000 I hear you.

00:28:47.000 Yeah.

00:28:47.000 And like doing different things is where you get new ideas from.

00:28:51.000 But that acting thing's a grind.

00:28:54.000 Yeah, I know.

00:28:55.000 I know.

00:28:56.000 You complained about acting.

00:28:56.000 Oh, boohoo.

00:28:58.000 I work in a co-market.

00:28:59.000 I can't use my hands.

00:29:00.000 I know.

00:29:03.000 It was.

00:29:04.000 Just boring.

00:29:05.000 Yeah.

00:29:06.000 I mean, I don't want to disrespect it like that, but it's like, not that you're disrespecting it, but it's just like the shit we do is so exciting going on stage for an hour and everyone's listening and you're in control of the fucking mood.

00:29:20.000 But then when you're just like the fifth lead on a movie and you have one really great scene and the other scenes, you're just kind of in with four characters and you say shit like, oh yeah, I remember that or something.

00:29:35.000 Do you know what I mean?

00:29:36.000 Oh, well, she was always a wild one. 0.99

00:29:37.000 You know what I mean?

00:29:38.000 It's like that.

00:29:38.000 Whatever the fuck you say.

00:29:39.000 And you got to do that 19 times in a row because they got to shoot it from different angles.

00:29:42.000 And even though Cuba Gooding Jr. is in the movie and you're like, oh, it's cool I get to work with Cuba Gooding Jr.

00:29:46.000 That's cool for like four takes.

00:29:48.000 And then you're like, I'm fucking hungry.

00:29:50.000 And why is there no Wi-Fi in this bullshit?

00:29:50.000 Where's my phone?

00:29:52.000 Do you know what I mean?

00:29:53.000 Yeah.

00:29:54.000 Yeah.

00:29:55.000 People, boo-hoo-hoo.

00:29:57.000 You get bored working with Cuba Gooding Jr.

00:30:02.000 By no means am I complaining.

00:30:04.000 It's just like I realize doing stand-up is just such a fast-paced, fun lifestyle.

00:30:08.000 I mean, and it's work too, but you know, it's like.

00:30:11.000 Well, you know what also it is?

00:30:12.000 Stand-up is you.

00:30:13.000 Like, it's just you.

00:30:14.000 You do what you want to do.

00:30:16.000 Whereas like these other things is, and that's a, you know, weird thing to say.

00:30:19.000 People are like, well, you should enjoy working with other people and sharing creativity.

00:30:22.000 That's great.

00:30:23.000 But there's something about like knowing that you put together your whole set beginning to end.

00:30:28.000 You figured out which way the shit should go.

00:30:30.000 And then like you go do somebody else's stuff.

00:30:32.000 You're like, this isn't as engaging.

00:30:35.000 Yeah, unless you're playing, for me, unless you're playing like a real character or like a, or something that's funny and you get to ad lib and fuck around.

00:30:44.000 Yeah.

00:30:44.000 Right.

00:30:45.000 It's.

00:30:46.000 But like.

00:30:47.000 Some people thrive on it.

00:30:48.000 Some kind of thrive on it too.

00:30:49.000 Yeah, I know.

00:30:50.000 Yeah.

00:30:51.000 I mean, I mean, but to people.

00:30:52.000 People lose a lot of them.

00:30:53.000 They start, they just go to acting.

00:30:54.000 Stay over there.

00:30:55.000 Somebody was telling me recently that they were bummed out about how, and they, and it was a good point about how, you know, people like Fortune Feemster, who's hilarious, like, she doesn't have a special yet because she's doing so much acting work.

00:31:11.000 You know what I mean?

00:31:12.000 And she's like a true comedian, I think.

00:31:12.000 Yeah.

00:31:13.000 She's really fucking funny, but it's like...

00:31:18.000 There's another one.

00:31:18.000 That's insane.

00:31:19.000 That's insane.

00:31:20.000 But does he act?

00:31:21.000 No.

00:31:22.000 Well, what the fuck is he doing?

00:31:22.000 He just is.

00:31:24.000 Acid man. 0.93

00:31:26.000 Yeah, he's funny as shit, though.

00:31:28.000 He's hilarious.

00:31:29.000 He's also nice as shit, man.

00:31:31.000 He's the best.

00:31:31.000 But I mean, for a guy that is as advanced as he is, he should absolutely have a special.

00:31:37.000 Diaz should have another special for sure.

00:31:39.000 Especially because everybody has a special now.

00:31:42.000 Yeah.

00:31:42.000 I mean, they shouldn't even call them specials anymore.

00:31:45.000 Yeah.

00:31:45.000 They're a thing.

00:31:47.000 Yeah.

00:31:47.000 Maybe it's an hour.

00:31:48.000 Just call it an hour.

00:31:49.000 Diaz is going to do one on Netflix.

00:31:51.000 Oh, he is?

00:31:52.000 Yeah.

00:31:53.000 That fucking guy, Joey.

00:31:54.000 Joey Diaz coming to Netflix.

00:31:56.000 That guy is so funny.

00:31:59.000 I wonder if I'm not supposed to say that.

00:32:00.000 I might have made a scoop.

00:32:03.000 I fucked up.

00:32:03.000 Maybe you're wrong.

00:32:04.000 Maybe I'm wrong.

00:32:04.000 Maybe you're wrong.

00:32:05.000 Maybe I just made it up.

00:32:06.000 Maybe you just fucking are saying shit.

00:32:07.000 Maybe I'm just talking out of my ass.

00:32:08.000 Maybe you're high.

00:32:10.000 Could be.

00:32:12.000 Yeah.

00:32:13.000 That guy's so fucking funny.

00:32:15.000 I think in bursts, no one's ever been funnier.

00:32:18.000 The burst that Joey Diaz can create on stage, I've never heard anybody funnier.

00:32:22.000 He hurts my cells.

00:32:25.000 Like your bone cells hurt from laughing.

00:32:27.000 He's like, like him, Brody makes me laugh hard.

00:32:32.000 just because he's...

00:32:34.000 Holtzman is.

00:32:37.000 I mean, that fucking has killed me.

00:32:39.000 There's unknown ones, man.

00:32:40.000 It's mostly the unknown ones.

00:32:43.000 Well, they're free.

00:32:44.000 And people don't know what to make of them.

00:32:47.000 You know what I mean?

00:32:48.000 Yeah.

00:32:50.000 But them unknown ones, man.

00:32:54.000 There's a ton of those guys.

00:32:55.000 There was that one guy from Long Island.

00:32:57.000 What the fuck was his name again?

00:32:59.000 Bob.

00:33:02.000 Didn't we do this already?

00:33:03.000 Didn't we do this before where we were trying to figure it out?

00:33:05.000 Bob Nelson.

00:33:06.000 No, not Bob Nelson.

00:33:08.000 Wasn't that guy with the boxing gloves?

00:33:08.000 Bob Nelson.

00:33:09.000 Yes, Jiffy Jeff's Jim.

00:33:11.000 Yeah, he would hit himself.

00:33:12.000 I mean, how much comedy has changed.

00:33:15.000 Imagine doing that now at like 10-15 after you or me.

00:33:18.000 You can't even have props anymore.

00:33:20.000 We were talking about this the other day with Judd Apatau.

00:33:22.000 We were like, it used to be like a legit form of comedy, like prop comedy.

00:33:27.000 I even feel like guitar, you can't even bring a guitar nowadays.

00:33:31.000 There's a few of those guitar writers out there, right?

00:33:34.000 There's a few.

00:33:36.000 Yeah, it used to be a fucking hard thing to follow when some dude rocked out with a dirty song.

00:33:41.000 That's a different thing, yeah.

00:33:43.000 Yeah, if someone killed with a dirty song and then you had to go on after him, like, damn, I can't follow this dirty song.

00:33:50.000 But those guys, there were like a bunch of those guys that would do shit like Harry Basil with the movies.

00:33:58.000 Yeah.

00:34:01.000 And that shit killed.

00:34:03.000 Back in the day.

00:34:04.000 I mean, dude, up until 2010, I would see the guy at the Laugh Factor and be like, these people are dying.

00:34:10.000 I haven't seen him recently, but.

00:34:10.000 Yeah.

00:34:12.000 No new kids coming up have a big bag of fucking Santa Claus bag of props.

00:34:17.000 Like I'm trying to bring some shit.

00:34:19.000 The Grinch.

00:34:20.000 When the Grinch stole all the toys from the town.

00:34:24.000 Imagine having to bring a bunch of shit, though.

00:34:26.000 That's one of the things I love about not being a musician.

00:34:28.000 Oh, yeah.

00:34:29.000 You know how people say, like, comedians secretly want to be rock stars?

00:34:31.000 Dude, I couldn't think of...

00:34:37.000 Anybody who says that is never killed.

00:34:39.000 Maybe.

00:34:40.000 Like, what are you talking about?

00:34:42.000 Maybe.

00:34:42.000 A rock star?

00:34:44.000 Get out of here.

00:34:44.000 I don't want to do that.

00:34:45.000 That seems like a lot of work.

00:34:47.000 Yeah, it does.

00:34:48.000 Plus, you got to be like with your bandmates all the time.

00:34:50.000 You get all your nerves.

00:34:52.000 Like, you can't work with other people.

00:34:53.000 Like, we can work with other people.

00:34:55.000 Like, you and I can do a gig together on the road, and the next week you could do a gig with Cal or someone.

00:35:00.000 And no one goes, hey, what the fuck, bro?

00:35:02.000 We're a team.

00:35:03.000 I know, I know.

00:35:03.000 There's no like comedy teams like that.

00:35:05.000 I know.

00:35:06.000 That's good.

00:35:07.000 Oh, that's just like the movie thing.

00:35:09.000 You're on your own.

00:35:10.000 It's nice.

00:35:11.000 You don't have to deal with other people.

00:35:11.000 Yeah.

00:35:13.000 Yeah.

00:35:14.000 You brought a new drummer, bro.

00:35:16.000 I'm going to take a chance in San Francisco with Mike.

00:35:20.000 Fuck that, man.

00:35:21.000 I always play the drums, man.

00:35:24.000 His fucking band is a single unit, man.

00:35:26.000 No.

00:35:28.000 You would have to be like a singer, singer-songwriter, like a Gary Clark Jr. hires his own people.

00:35:34.000 Like if Gary Clark's Jr.'s drummer is like, fuck this, I'm out of here.

00:35:37.000 People are like, all right, man.

00:35:39.000 Yeah, you have to do it.

00:35:40.000 I'm sure you're good.

00:35:42.000 It's all about the lead singer, though.

00:35:43.000 I mean, unless you become like maybe the lead guitarist or something, or like the violin player in the Dave Matthews band.

00:35:49.000 Yeah.

00:35:49.000 Like he was kind of.

00:35:50.000 See, then even there, though, it's still the motherfucking Dave Matthews band.

00:35:54.000 You got a problem with that, son?

00:35:55.000 No, I know.

00:35:55.000 But that's when it gets deep.

00:35:57.000 That's like a dictatorship.

00:35:58.000 When it's like the Dave Matthews band, Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers, right?

00:36:02.000 But when it's like rush, the Rolling Stone.

00:36:07.000 Or even kiss, you know?

00:36:08.000 Yeah.

00:36:09.000 Yeah.

00:36:09.000 Kiss.

00:36:10.000 You got to have those people in there.

00:36:12.000 No, no, no.

00:36:13.000 You can't switch the cat out for a fox.

00:36:15.000 Right.

00:36:16.000 Okay?

00:36:17.000 It's not cool, man.

00:36:20.000 That's true, though.

00:36:22.000 I never thought about that.

00:36:23.000 If you name it something, then everybody's kind of the group.

00:36:26.000 Everybody's in there.

00:36:27.000 If you're a heartbreaker, though, you're gone.

00:36:29.000 Exactly.

00:36:30.000 Get the fuck out of here.

00:36:31.000 Yeah, you're gone.

00:36:32.000 You're a guitar.

00:36:32.000 You know what you are?

00:36:33.000 And I can buy anyone.

00:36:34.000 Charlie Daniels band, motherfucker.

00:36:36.000 What does it say?

00:36:37.000 What does it say?

00:36:38.000 Does it say Charlie Wilson?

00:36:38.000 Steve Miller.

00:36:40.000 No.

00:36:40.000 It says Charlie fucking Daniels, Charlie, because it's my band, you piece of shit.

00:36:45.000 Yeah, NWA, you can't get rid of fucking one of those guys. 1.00

00:36:48.000 You can't get rid of any of those guys.

00:36:50.000 Yeah, and all those guys became, except for maybe one.

00:36:52.000 Look what happened.

00:36:53.000 I know, I know.

00:36:54.000 When David Lee Roth left Van Halen, and Van Halen's named after Van Halen.

00:36:59.000 How about that shit?

00:37:01.000 Eddie fucking Van Halen is the lead guitarist.

00:37:04.000 David Lee Roth left and everybody went goddamn crazy.

00:37:08.000 Yeah.

00:37:10.000 Because it's Van Halen.

00:37:12.000 It's too weird of a name.

00:37:13.000 Even though it's your last name, it's not the Eddie Van Halen band.

00:37:17.000 Because if that was the case, I'd be like, okay, cool, I get it.

00:37:20.000 Different people, it's like Carlos Santana.

00:37:21.000 Different people sing for him sometimes.

00:37:23.000 But it's still the Carlos Santana band.

00:37:23.000 Right, right, right.

00:37:25.000 Yeah.

00:37:26.000 Just don't be a fucking heartbreaker, man.

00:37:28.000 But Van Halen seems like a thing.

00:37:31.000 Yeah, it is.

00:37:31.000 Yeah, I didn't know.

00:37:32.000 I didn't even, I guess I didn't even put it together that it was his last name, even though I knew that.

00:37:36.000 It's like a vehicle, like a Van Halen.

00:37:38.000 It's a strong name.

00:37:43.000 It's like a Hindenburg.

00:37:44.000 Yeah, it is.

00:37:45.000 Yeah.

00:37:46.000 Yeah.

00:37:47.000 Rogan, that's good.

00:37:48.000 They got the apostrophe fucks it all up.

00:37:48.000 Dahlia's not a good one.

00:37:50.000 Yeah, the apostrophes are weird.

00:37:52.000 Do we forget how to talk?

00:37:52.000 Why are we still using no?

00:37:55.000 It's very weird.

00:37:58.000 I used to.

00:37:59.000 Yeah, you don't have to tell me how to fucking pronounce it.

00:38:01.000 Just drop it.

00:38:02.000 By the way, it makes it worse because people are like, Ilielia. 1.00

00:38:05.000 People add fucking L's and shit.

00:38:08.000 When you go to like a restaurant?

00:38:09.000 You know what the worst is?

00:38:10.000 Is when I pull into a gate, you have a meeting anywhere, and you got to give everybody this thing.

00:38:16.000 And then they say, you're not in this system.

00:38:18.000 And I'm like, try it with or without the apostrophe, whichever one you didn't do.

00:38:22.000 And then they're like, there it is.

00:38:23.000 Every fucking time.

00:38:25.000 You should change your last name spelling to D-D-D-H-H-A-H-L-E-E-A-H.

00:38:25.000 Every fucking time.

00:38:36.000 I don't know if that's a little bit of a little bit of a double.

00:38:37.000 Dahlia.

00:38:39.000 Dahlia.

00:38:40.000 When I was little, when I was little, I told my dad, I was like, can we get rid of the apostrophe?

00:38:47.000 I was young.

00:38:48.000 I was like 12.

00:38:49.000 And he was like, huh?

00:38:51.000 And I was like, it's just, it sucks.

00:38:53.000 Like, I feel like, like, what is it?

00:38:54.000 Like, people always mispronounce it.

00:38:55.000 And he's like, you should be proud of that.

00:38:57.000 And I was like, I'm not.

00:38:59.000 And then, and then, and then, I remember thinking, I'm not.

00:39:03.000 It's just impossible.

00:39:05.000 13.

00:39:06.000 That's rough.

00:39:07.000 Yeah.

00:39:07.000 And then, and then, and then I started to like it, you know, because I'm like, yeah, I guess it is my name.

00:39:11.000 Fuck it, you know.

00:39:13.000 But when I was little, I wanted to change.

00:39:14.000 I remember asking my parents if I could.

00:39:19.000 I mean, this is embarrassing, actually.

00:39:21.000 I remember telling my parents that I wanted to change my name to Damien Monroe.

00:39:32.000 No!

00:39:32.000 Yes.

00:39:33.000 That's your whole name.

00:39:33.000 Imagine if you're not.

00:39:34.000 You want to change your whole name from Chris Dahlia to Damien Monroe.

00:39:40.000 Imagine if my name was Damien Monroe.

00:39:43.000 You would have hated me immediately.

00:39:45.000 No, I wouldn't.

00:39:46.000 I know it because you're open-minded.

00:39:47.000 Yeah, but Damian Monroe.

00:39:48.000 I'm Theo Vaughn.

00:39:49.000 That's a pretentious name ever.

00:39:51.000 My name is Theodore, Theodore Vaughn.

00:39:53.000 But think about, but think about, this is why.

00:39:55.000 You didn't even know why I wanted to name it Damien Monroe.

00:39:59.000 Because this is so embarrassing.

00:40:02.000 Whatever.

00:40:04.000 Because Damien was, is the devil, right?

00:40:08.000 And then Marilyn Monroe was like pure in my head.

00:40:11.000 So I was like, you have both.

00:40:12.000 So this was like a showbiz name idea?

00:40:14.000 I don't know.

00:40:15.000 I didn't get very far with it.

00:40:16.000 How old were you this time?

00:40:19.000 Yeah, same age, like young.

00:40:21.000 I was like, well, I could call my, I just named myself Damien Monroe.

00:40:23.000 Oh, my God.

00:40:24.000 Imagine now, I would hate that.

00:40:26.000 It's hilarious.

00:40:27.000 I mean, we all do stupid things as a kid, and I didn't get to do that.

00:40:29.000 Obviously, my parents wouldn't have let me do that.

00:40:31.000 Thank God.

00:40:32.000 I was a fucking weirdo, man.

00:40:34.000 I would ask my parents, I would ask my parents because I always sat like this at the dinner table, and I asked them, I was like, I was like, can you call me crazy legs?

00:40:44.000 And I remember thinking, like, that would be cool.

00:40:48.000 Like, if my family called me crazy legs.

00:40:50.000 Hey, it's Damien Crazy Legs Monroe coming at you.

00:40:53.000 And then they were like, and my dad was like, no.

00:40:55.000 And I was like, but just like maybe just at least at the dinner table, I remember saying that.

00:41:00.000 And you would be like, I'm not fucking calling you crazy legs. 0.55

00:41:02.000 You need you Chris.

00:41:04.000 Oh, my God.

00:41:05.000 Yeah, so funny kid shit.

00:41:06.000 That was even younger.

00:41:07.000 The crazy legs thing was like, I was probably like nine.

00:41:10.000 God, kids' ideas are so stupid.

00:41:13.000 They're so dumb.

00:41:14.000 They're so fucking funny.

00:41:15.000 I remember these women laughing in my face once at me trying to be cool and I was like 12.

00:41:26.000 I had these fucking sneakers on.

00:41:29.000 I mean, I don't know, like they were like these brown suede sneakers.

00:41:32.000 And I went through a period of time.

00:41:34.000 This is very embarrassing.

00:41:35.000 I went through a period of time when I was like 12, 12, 13-ish, where I got really into Tom Sawyer and Huckleberry Finn.

00:41:44.000 Oh, boy.

00:41:45.000 I even tried chewing tobacco at that age, huh?

00:41:50.000 Jesus.

00:41:50.000 Dude, they would sell you chewing tobacco when you were a little kid.

00:41:53.000 You could be 12 and just buy chewing tobacco.

00:41:56.000 For whatever reason, that wasn't like cigarettes.

00:41:58.000 Right, right, right, right.

00:41:59.000 You could just buy chewing tobacco.

00:42:01.000 Like, I bought it.

00:42:02.000 I didn't have to hide it.

00:42:03.000 That's so weird.

00:42:04.000 That's fucking crazy.

00:42:05.000 I don't even know how they let you.

00:42:07.000 But it would come in this wallet-looking brick, and you open it up and you break a piece off, like real old-schooly fucking Clint Eastwood-style chewing tobacco.

00:42:16.000 I was retarded, okay?

00:42:18.000 So I had these shoes on that were like a brown suede.

00:42:21.000 They were really goofy looking.

00:42:23.000 And these next door neighbors, we rented a house.

00:42:27.000 It was me, my sister, my parents, and then one of our friends, the friend of my dad's, rented one of the rooms in the house.

00:42:35.000 Like it had this upstairs.

00:42:36.000 And then next door, it's like a very small house.

00:42:38.000 And next door was another small house.

00:42:40.000 And these young kids lived there, like the downstairs people, they had a band.

00:42:44.000 And they were fucking horrible.

00:42:45.000 But they were like super committed.

00:42:47.000 So they'd practice all the time.

00:42:49.000 And they had carpet everywhere, man.

00:42:53.000 Like you would go down in the basement.

00:42:54.000 And what they had done is taken like 30 or 40 sheets of carpet and like made doors and packed the walls.

00:43:02.000 And they essentially turned the basement into like a practice thing.

00:43:08.000 But you could hear them super clear.

00:43:11.000 And, okay, I remember.

00:43:13.000 The band's name was Death in the Shopping Mall.

00:43:16.000 Oh my God.

00:43:18.000 And the song called My Baby is a Mutant.

00:43:21.000 You remember this?

00:43:22.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:43:22.000 Yeah, I got a crazy memory, man.

00:43:24.000 And so these guys be like, my baby is a mutant.

00:43:28.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:43:29.000 My baby is a mutant.

00:43:30.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:43:31.000 My baby is a mutant.

00:43:32.000 But that's okay.

00:43:34.000 I love my baby anyway.

00:43:36.000 My baby is a mutant.

00:43:37.000 Jesus Christ.

00:43:38.000 I can't even remember this shit.

00:43:40.000 They're fucking practicing, blowing their eardrums out.

00:43:42.000 They were cool as fuck, though.

00:43:44.000 They let me go over there and watch when I was 12.

00:43:46.000 They let me go and hang out with these guys.

00:43:48.000 One of them scooped ice cream.

00:43:49.000 He had giant forearms.

00:43:51.000 And everybody was like, look at his forearms, man.

00:43:52.000 He scoops ice cream.

00:43:53.000 Like, the dude scoops ice cream all day, so he had these jacked forearms.

00:43:56.000 And all the, like, young kids, like, 12, would be, like, scared of this 19-year-old dude with his giant forearms because he's scooping ice cream all the time.

00:44:03.000 But they were all super friendly.

00:44:04.000 But there's these two freaky-looking girls that would hang out with them. 1.00

00:44:07.000 And, you know, when you're 12, you're like, oh, I can't believe I'm running the girl.

00:44:10.000 Yeah.

00:44:11.000 So I have these stupid sneakers on.

00:44:12.000 I say the girl.

00:44:13.000 I go, she goes, nice sneakers.

00:44:15.000 Like, she's kind of mocking me.

00:44:16.000 I go, yeah, I don't like colors in my sneakers.

00:44:18.000 It turns me off.

00:44:20.000 And they burst into laughing.

00:44:23.000 Not laughing like they exist at something funny.

00:44:26.000 But like, look at this fucking dork.

00:44:28.000 And I'll never forget the feeling when I said it.

00:44:30.000 Like, yeah, I don't like colors in my sneakers.

00:44:32.000 It turns me off.

00:44:33.000 Like, the feeling of like, oh, you fucking moron.

00:44:37.000 So you thought you were being cool.

00:44:38.000 And quickly, while you were saying this sentence, you're like, oh, this is not.

00:44:39.000 I realized.

00:44:40.000 That's hilarious.

00:44:41.000 I was 12.

00:44:42.000 You realized, as you're saying it, like, how stupid I am.

00:44:45.000 You really get checked by the opposite sex when you're that age. 1.00

00:44:47.000 I mean, there was one time, I can't, like, remember Hi-C?

00:44:52.000 Yeah, the drugs.

00:44:52.000 I mean, it's probably still around.

00:44:53.000 I don't know.

00:44:54.000 But obviously, I don't drink it.

00:44:55.000 But there was grape.

00:44:56.000 That's them?

00:44:57.000 Oh, my God.

00:44:59.000 Whoa.

00:44:59.000 Wow.

00:45:00.000 They have a YouTube video?

00:45:05.000 Oh, this is a song called Purpose.

00:45:07.000 Wow, Death in the Shopping Malls has a fuckin' These guys are 80.

00:45:13.000 Oh, no, it says that this was in 1981.

00:45:17.000 Oh, they recorded it in 81?

00:45:19.000 Wow.

00:45:20.000 So that was right around the same time because 81 was where I went to high school in 81.

00:45:27.000 So that would make sense.

00:45:28.000 That was like, so I was, I guess I was 13.

00:45:32.000 But, dude, that's two years later.

00:45:34.000 We're talking about in like 79.

00:45:38.000 In 1979, I'm pretty sure that was the age I was.

00:45:41.000 That's pretty crazy.

00:45:42.000 Because I was 13.

00:45:45.000 Yeah.

00:45:46.000 Because it was right when I first moved to Boston.

00:45:48.000 We were living in Jamaica Plain.

00:45:49.000 We were living on...

00:45:54.000 If I remember the name of the street, it would help.

00:45:56.000 But anyway, that haunted me.

00:45:58.000 Those girls laughing in my face haunted me for years.

00:46:02.000 I still think about it.

00:46:07.000 I think about shit like that that you carry with you.

00:46:11.000 Sometimes there's shit.

00:46:13.000 Yeah, but sometimes it's just like that's, I mean, nothing.

00:46:17.000 But what happened was you were too young to have dealt with a situation like that yet.

00:46:22.000 So that was why you remember it.

00:46:22.000 Yes.

00:46:24.000 Because you were still, oh, this is a new, oh, God.

00:46:26.000 Also, I was aware, right?

00:46:28.000 Personally aware of how ridiculously stupid I sounded.

00:46:32.000 Right.

00:46:32.000 Which.

00:46:33.000 I got.

00:46:34.000 Yeah.

00:46:35.000 But as a kid, you don't have that.

00:46:36.000 Right.

00:46:37.000 You know, so the first few times you've.

00:46:40.000 That's the same age, you changed your name to Damian Monroe.

00:46:42.000 Oh, God.

00:46:43.000 So we're both forgiven.

00:46:44.000 I remember with the, I had the, yeah.

00:46:46.000 I feel like I did the funeral.

00:46:49.000 I had a high C, I was at kindergarten, or yeah, kindergarten, I think.

00:46:56.000 And it was before first grade, whatever that is, kindergarten, I guess.

00:46:59.000 And the high C straw.

00:47:03.000 It was grape high C, I remember.

00:47:04.000 And I squeezed it wrong, and it shot up on my face.

00:47:09.000 And I was with a table where there were girls there, and it was lunchtime.

00:47:13.000 And I remember thinking, oh, it's probably purple on my face around my eye, like Kiss or something cool.

00:47:22.000 Yeah.

00:47:23.000 And wait.

00:47:24.000 And so I was like, Kiss is cool.

00:47:27.000 Like, I'm going to just chill with it.

00:47:29.000 And just, because it happened by accident.

00:47:32.000 So it's not like I tried to do it.

00:47:34.000 So these chicks are just going to see me with this cool purple thing on my face. 1.00

00:47:38.000 I mean, I mean, same age?

00:47:42.000 No, kindergarten.

00:47:44.000 Oh, however old that.

00:47:45.000 Oh, Jesus Christ.

00:47:46.000 So young as shit and thinking all these thoughts and then thinking, oh my God.

00:47:51.000 And then thinking, I can't wait to like Mac on these girls. 0.92

00:47:56.000 You were macing on girls in kindergarten. 0.97

00:47:58.000 I mean, it was whatever, but it was before first grade.

00:48:00.000 That's kindergarten.

00:48:01.000 Yeah.

00:48:01.000 Okay.

00:48:02.000 So kindergarten, yeah.

00:48:03.000 Mrs. Antoine's club.

00:48:04.000 And so.

00:48:05.000 So you got grape soda.

00:48:06.000 So like on your face.

00:48:07.000 Grape, not even soda, just the juice, you know what I mean?

00:48:10.000 And I remember thinking, like, I remember leaving it there, and it was very sticky because it's high C and it's candy, basically.

00:48:18.000 So, and I was like, but leave it, though, because it's cool.

00:48:20.000 I remember thinking, like, just stick with it because it's very cool.

00:48:23.000 And finally, it was so sticky that I was like, I hope that this is like paying off because I got to wipe my face.

00:48:30.000 And so I asked the girl, like, really insecurely, like, next to me, I was like, hey, I was like, is it like all purple on my face?

00:48:36.000 Like, but like wanting it to be purple, you know?

00:48:38.000 And she goes, and she just goes like this.

00:48:42.000 No.

00:48:44.000 And then I was like, can I go to the bathroom?

00:48:46.000 And I washed my face.

00:48:47.000 When you went to the bathroom, did you have to go to the bathroom?

00:48:48.000 And then I looked at my face.

00:48:49.000 It was just my face.

00:48:51.000 Zero purple.

00:48:52.000 But those were actual thoughts that this idiotic fucking kindergartner had.

00:48:59.000 Yeah.

00:49:00.000 I was like, oh, I look like a rock star is what I thought.

00:49:03.000 There's moments you can remember when you're just a little kid where you're so fucking stupid.

00:49:07.000 They will haunt you deep and shit.

00:49:08.000 That's what I'm saying.

00:49:09.000 I think about that all the time.

00:49:11.000 I think about it all the time.

00:49:12.000 It's probably shaped me.

00:49:15.000 It definitely has.

00:49:15.000 You know?

00:49:17.000 Like, one ass kicking in high school could turn you one way or the next, left or right.

00:49:23.000 Some people have been bullied in high school and it fucked them up for the rest of their life.

00:49:27.000 Well, yeah.

00:49:28.000 Yeah.

00:49:29.000 And even before high school, like junior high and grammar school and shit, some people just never recover from it.

00:49:29.000 I mean.

00:49:35.000 It's a weird inclination that people have.

00:49:38.000 Well, bullies.

00:49:39.000 Like in schools, like for find one kid who's fucking nervous and start fucking with him. 0.64

00:49:44.000 Yeah, that's very good to me.

00:49:45.000 Where are you going after school, Nelson, besides sucking my dick in the woods?

00:49:52.000 I never understood that.

00:49:55.000 A big giant gay dude who wants you to suck his dick in the woods. 1.00

00:49:58.000 You got to go to high school with him, fight him off every day.

00:50:01.000 Your parents don't believe you.

00:50:02.000 Yeah.

00:50:03.000 I mean, I loved always making fun of people, but not bullying.

00:50:08.000 Yeah, you know.

00:50:09.000 Well, I think there's a lot of kids who get physically abused at home.

00:50:13.000 Yeah.

00:50:14.000 I think that's a big factor.

00:50:15.000 And they get their power back from it.

00:50:16.000 Yeah.

00:50:16.000 And then there's physical bullying that way.

00:50:18.000 But then there's psychological bullying, too.

00:50:20.000 And then there's a certain amount of natural pecking order shit that kids do to each other.

00:50:25.000 They're competitive with each other, and one will say something shitty, and the next will say something shitty back.

00:50:29.000 And then they form fucking teams.

00:50:31.000 See, we're against Chris.

00:50:32.000 Chris, a piece of shit, right?

00:50:34.000 You know, and then you're like, you know what, man?

00:50:35.000 Mike and I, we're just fucking, you guys got to pick a team.

00:50:38.000 You know, Team Chris or Team Mike.

00:50:40.000 Lions, bro.

00:50:42.000 Yeah, there's a lot of animal behavior.

00:50:44.000 Like, I have chickens, and one of my chickens, like, one of them, something goes wrong.

00:50:48.000 Like, the other ones start fucking with it.

00:50:50.000 They peck at it.

00:50:51.000 Really?

00:50:52.000 Yeah.

00:50:53.000 It's weird.

00:50:54.000 You have chickens because you eat them?

00:50:56.000 No, I don't eat the chickens.

00:50:56.000 Oh, you just have to.

00:50:57.000 I eat their eggs.

00:50:58.000 Oh.

00:50:59.000 Which are non-fertilized, ladies and gentlemen.

00:51:01.000 All you crazy vegans out there not getting enough protein, look in the eggs.

00:51:05.000 Get yourself some chickens.

00:51:06.000 They're your pets.

00:51:07.000 They're going to run around.

00:51:08.000 You can even, if you want to, you feed them vegetarian diets, which you really shouldn't because they're not vegetarians.

00:51:14.000 They're little fucking dinosaurs, bro.

00:51:16.000 But the thing is, when they see something wrong with one of the other ones, it's a real problem.

00:51:20.000 One of them gets injured, the other ones start pecking at it.

00:51:23.000 Weird.

00:51:23.000 Yeah.

00:51:24.000 Makes you think that that's how we are secretively.

00:51:26.000 Well, I think at our base level.

00:51:28.000 But I think what is so, like, what's interesting about all these anti-bullying campaigns is that they didn't exist when we were younger.

00:51:35.000 And whether you or not you make an argument for people figuring out how to get along through the natural methods that we've always encountered, like finding good people and bad people and finding who you like and finding out about your own behavior and how it affects other people.

00:51:48.000 Either way, what I think is going on is we don't want people to fuck with people anymore.

00:51:56.000 And I think in the old days, everybody just accepted that people fucked with people.

00:52:00.000 And now we realize we're going older.

00:52:02.000 But what's crazy is that we're figuring this out as a culture in the last 20, 30, whatever the fuck years it's been.

00:52:09.000 Human beings have been around forever.

00:52:11.000 But It's social media, though.

00:52:13.000 It is.

00:52:13.000 That's what it is.

00:52:14.000 Because now everything is exposed.

00:52:15.000 It is that, but I think it was on its way there just through traditional methods like books and regular media and colleges and universities.

00:52:24.000 That's one of the reasons why college and universities are so important for changing thought, especially were.

00:52:29.000 They're kind of in a fucked up place now, but there was a thing where you would leave your environment and go to this new environment, right?

00:52:36.000 And this new environment would be filled with intellectuals, filled with people that are trying to change the world.

00:52:42.000 And you'd be exposed to ideas you never got before.

00:52:45.000 And so through those ideas, then you learn a bunch of shit and then you go out with this idea that you're going to go do this or you're going to go apply your knowledge now there or get a degree here.

00:52:55.000 And everything would sort of compound and your understanding of the world would be far better than the people that came before you because just the fact that humanity has accumulated 20, 30 plus years of information since the time your parents were in school, right?

00:53:08.000 So all that aside, as that goes by, that gets you a certain way.

00:53:12.000 It gets you a certain amount of steps past the barbarians and the fucking Romans, all the psychopaths of our history. 0.87

00:53:19.000 But now, once social media kicks in, now everything's accelerating in a way we can't even control.

00:53:26.000 It's completely out of everybody's hands.

00:53:28.000 That's why trigger words and safe spaces and everyone's going fucking crazy.

00:53:32.000 Yeah.

00:53:33.000 It's too fast for us to catch up with, I feel.

00:53:36.000 But it's moving in the right direction.

00:53:37.000 Like even all the ridiculous trigger words, safe spaces stuff, all that stuff is like, the inclination is to be nicer.

00:53:44.000 Yeah, that's a good thing for sure.

00:53:45.000 Yeah.

00:53:46.000 Some of it's ridiculous.

00:53:47.000 It's not well thought out.

00:53:49.000 Like you're better off having people communicate than having safe spaces.

00:53:53.000 You're better off figuring out a way to make people just not shitty to each other and screaming and yelling at each other.

00:53:58.000 Find a better method of communicating.

00:54:01.000 But the point is, it's like they're moving in that direction.

00:54:05.000 They're moving in a really good direction.

00:54:06.000 Even these ridiculous liberals that shut down that evergreen college and they're going nuts and they didn't want white people to show up for work for a day. 0.98

00:54:13.000 Their inclination is probably correct.

00:54:16.000 They just want to balance things out.

00:54:17.000 And when things, right now they feel like black people are still in a bad position as far as racial injustice.

00:54:23.000 And by pushing white people down, they're going to balance the black people out. 0.98

00:54:27.000 But they just don't understand humans.

00:54:29.000 That doesn't work like that.

00:54:32.000 No.

00:54:33.000 Or we're breaking it down, Crystalia.

00:54:35.000 Man, I'm fire.

00:54:35.000 I know.

00:54:38.000 Is it hard picking a name for you, Special?

00:54:40.000 For this one, it was not.

00:54:41.000 Because you have a bit.

00:54:42.000 But yeah, I find it difficult.

00:54:42.000 Yeah.

00:54:45.000 Yeah.

00:54:46.000 Yeah.

00:54:46.000 Do you?

00:54:47.000 I was actually, before yours came out, I was like, man, somebody should do like trigger warning or something.

00:54:51.000 Yeah, I just.

00:54:52.000 That's a great title.

00:54:53.000 I did it because I knew it would upset some people.

00:54:55.000 Yeah.

00:54:56.000 But that's who you are, though.

00:54:57.000 And that's what that, I mean, you talk about all the things that would trigger somebody.

00:55:01.000 Well, I just talk about what's ridiculous about those things.

00:55:04.000 And with that special, particularly, I knew the Bruce Jenner bit.

00:55:08.000 I'm like, oh, this one's coming home hard.

00:55:10.000 Yeah.

00:55:12.000 They need a trigger warning.

00:55:13.000 I don't even know.

00:55:14.000 I'm a physical comedian.

00:55:15.000 I don't even know how you made that bit work.

00:55:18.000 With the chair and all that shit?

00:55:19.000 No, but I mean, not even just that, like the build and everything.

00:55:24.000 It was just like.

00:55:25.000 It became a bunch of different things.

00:55:27.000 Like it started out.

00:55:28.000 It started out a little different.

00:55:30.000 It started out, you know, it was a little more calm.

00:55:33.000 And then I realized like, you know, like the only way this is going to work, like where people are going to really think I'm a demon.

00:55:38.000 Because I try to think, this is a fucking goofy thing to admit.

00:55:42.000 But when I'm doing that bit, I used to do this bit about tigers fucking.

00:55:46.000 And one of the key to the bit, I figured out the key to the bit at one point.

00:55:49.000 The key to the bit was to think like a tiger and to move like a tiger.

00:55:52.000 Not think of myself as a comedian.

00:55:54.000 When I did that bit, I was thinking of myself as a demon.

00:55:58.000 Like I was thinking of myself as a cardano that kicks off.

00:56:01.000 So then my inclination was to just climb on the stool and just like and get in this weird sort of golem hunched over stance.

00:56:11.000 Plus I figured because I'm really flexible, it'll look weird.

00:56:14.000 You know, it'll look strange, you know?

00:56:14.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:56:17.000 That's funny.

00:56:18.000 Sometimes my opener is like, how do you do like the act outs like that?

00:56:20.000 And I'm just like, you just believe that that's what you are for a little bit.

00:56:24.000 Yeah.

00:56:25.000 It's so dumb, but yeah.

00:56:27.000 But if you could do it, if you could pull it off.

00:56:30.000 Yeah.

00:56:30.000 You know, you ever see Jimmy Schubert's bit about eagles mating?

00:56:34.000 No.

00:56:35.000 It's a hilarious bit.

00:56:36.000 But when Schubert's doing it, because eagles have this crazy thing where they fuck while they're flying.

00:56:41.000 Oh, yeah, yeah.

00:56:42.000 And when they fuck, they stay connected until they come.

00:56:45.000 So like sometimes they don't make it.

00:56:47.000 They fucking crash into the ground and die.

00:56:50.000 Which is hilarious.

00:56:51.000 But his bit, you know, he's like, and like while he's doing it, even though you know it's Jimmy Schubert, you're thinking, oh, he's thinking like an eagle.

00:57:01.000 That's funny.

00:57:02.000 He's an eagle right now.

00:57:04.000 He's in his element.

00:57:05.000 That's funny.

00:57:06.000 Is that a truck backing out?

00:57:07.000 Is that what that is?

00:57:09.000 That's for sure not too loud, right?

00:57:10.000 I mean, that's so loud, yeah.

00:57:13.000 We're indoors.

00:57:15.000 Who are they trying to protect?

00:57:16.000 We're nowhere near that truck.

00:57:17.000 Is this how you get your money?

00:57:19.000 They just back up this truck?

00:57:20.000 Yeah, bro.

00:57:21.000 Yeah, everything has to be white, white M ⁇ Ms. I want white demos, white socks. 1.00

00:57:27.000 I want new sneakers every day of the week, son.

00:57:30.000 I saw a rapper yesterday got a Papa Smurf diamond encrusted chain, man.

00:57:36.000 They're just trying to outdo each other.

00:57:37.000 You know what I've been thinking of doing?

00:57:39.000 I've been thinking of living two separate ways.

00:57:41.000 I'm thinking of getting a cabin in the woods, right?

00:57:43.000 Where I live like I have a well, solar power, just chill out there for half the year.

00:57:48.000 The other half of the year, I get the dopest house I can afford in Beverly Hills, just walk around in furs everywhere. 0.98

00:57:54.000 I like it.

00:57:55.000 Cover myself in diamonds.

00:57:56.000 So you sunglasses outside at night always.

00:57:59.000 Yeah.

00:58:00.000 That's great.

00:58:01.000 So you, half the year you're one, half the year you do the other?

00:58:04.000 A limo with my face on it.

00:58:06.000 You make the driver wear a mask of you.

00:58:08.000 I'm going to get a grill that I could only put on for six months a year.

00:58:13.000 So at six months, they take the grill off and then I go back to being the woods guy.

00:58:21.000 I'm just bored being one person.

00:58:22.000 Look, I think, you know, I mean...

00:58:26.000 Well, yeah, because look, Tupac had the songs about how lift our women up, and then he would be the other guy and be like, fuck bitches. 1.00

00:58:32.000 Yeah, it's very confusing.

00:58:33.000 He figured it out.

00:58:34.000 Yeah.

00:58:35.000 Well, he was a poet, and also he was a reporter.

00:58:38.000 He was reporting on what's going on in the streets.

00:58:40.000 Are you not?

00:58:41.000 No, no, no.

00:58:42.000 I'm bipolar.

00:58:45.000 I just want to do it for six months out of the year.

00:58:47.000 You just want to have fun, though.

00:58:48.000 Six months out of the year.

00:58:48.000 Oh, this is what I'll do.

00:58:49.000 I'll get a crib in downtown L.A., like one of them penthouse cribs where you're overlooking the city.

00:58:54.000 Yeah, with a pool on the deck.

00:58:56.000 Would your family be with you both times?

00:58:57.000 What?

00:58:58.000 Fuck are you talking about, bro?

00:58:59.000 One of the half of the year.

00:59:00.000 No, I'm a different dude.

00:59:05.000 I'm a different dude.

00:59:06.000 Oh, okay, I get it.

00:59:07.000 I don't even have a family anymore.

00:59:10.000 Look, I saw a video of a guy where this guy said he was trans age.

00:59:17.000 He was a young girl.

00:59:18.000 He identified with being a young girl.

00:59:21.000 He was like a 50-something-year-old man.

00:59:23.000 And he identified with being a young girl.

00:59:25.000 He has children.

00:59:26.000 They let this guy dress up like a young girl, and people were accepting it.

00:59:28.000 His family is accepting it.

00:59:30.000 He was talking to people.

00:59:31.000 He's saying how he really feels.

00:59:33.000 What's to stop you from being a totally different person?

00:59:36.000 I get it.

00:59:37.000 To identify as like a Korean.

00:59:39.000 Just identify as a different guy.

00:59:40.000 Like right now, you identify as Chris Dahlia.

00:59:43.000 Tim.

00:59:43.000 Yeah.

00:59:44.000 I'm Tim now.

00:59:45.000 What about that other character?

00:59:46.000 What's Damien what?

00:59:47.000 Damien Monroe.

00:59:48.000 Yeah.

00:59:48.000 Dude, was I ahead of my time?

00:59:49.000 You might have been ahead of your time.

00:59:50.000 This is what I'm thinking.

00:59:51.000 You could be, this is the guy.

00:59:52.000 Trans woman lives her life as a six-year-old. 0.97

00:59:54.000 Yeah.

00:59:55.000 Has a family, has children.

00:59:57.000 That's someone's daddy.

00:59:58.000 So how old is the girl that he thinks he's six?

01:00:02.000 So what was he doing six years ago?

01:00:03.000 Still the guy?

01:00:04.000 Six years ago, he hadn't been born yet, bro.

01:00:06.000 So can he...

01:00:08.000 Is he ever turned seven?

01:00:09.000 No, no, no, no.

01:00:10.000 He's always this.

01:00:11.000 He always identifies as a person.

01:00:12.000 So age is irrelevant.

01:00:15.000 Dude, okay, you can't age someone just like you can't gender someone. 0.99

01:00:20.000 You piece of shit.

01:00:21.000 You're such a shitload.

01:00:22.000 God, that's him as a woman.

01:00:22.000 I know I am.

01:00:24.000 But what about he's going to die one day?

01:00:26.000 Incorrect.

01:00:27.000 He will be six forever.

01:00:28.000 He called it.

01:00:30.000 So there he was.

01:00:31.000 He had a gang of kids and then fell on his head or something.

01:00:35.000 What caused it?

01:00:36.000 I don't know.

01:00:37.000 Maybe just decided.

01:00:39.000 So if you can do that, you can do that.

01:00:42.000 That's who you identify with now.

01:00:43.000 You're a girl.

01:00:44.000 You could change your name.

01:00:45.000 You could change your name.

01:00:46.000 I'm Becky.

01:00:46.000 You're Becky now.

01:00:47.000 I'm Caitlin.

01:00:48.000 I want you to be the, I'll be nine instead.

01:00:50.000 Well, I don't mind going to six, so I've been six ever since.

01:00:55.000 Well, whoa.

01:00:58.000 Wow.

01:00:58.000 Yeah.

01:01:00.000 I don't know what to make of that.

01:01:02.000 Jesus Christ.

01:01:04.000 Okay, listen to this nonsense.

01:01:07.000 Well, I have a mommy and a daddy, an adopted mommy and a daddy who are totally comfortable with me being a little girl.

01:01:14.000 And their children, and their grandchildren are totally supportive.

01:01:18.000 In fact, her youngest granddaughter, when I was eight, a year ago, she was eight, so she's getting older.

01:01:24.000 When I was eight a year ago, I was eight and she was seven.

01:01:27.000 And she said to me, I want you to be the little sister, so I'll be nine.

01:01:32.000 Oh, wow.

01:01:32.000 And I said, well, I don't mind going to six, so I've been six ever since.

01:01:36.000 Well, so now he's just changing it, though.

01:01:39.000 We are living in a world of nonsense.

01:01:44.000 I mean, you can't just change it.

01:01:45.000 So he doesn't identify with it if he just keeps changing it.

01:01:48.000 I'm not even going to have real diamonds on my grill.

01:01:50.000 I'm going to tell everybody they're real, but they're going to be cubic zirconias.

01:01:54.000 Because, no, it's food's going to get caught in them.

01:01:56.000 It doesn't have to be real diamonds.

01:01:56.000 Who gives a shit?

01:01:57.000 It could be like they identify as real diamonds.

01:01:59.000 Platinum on the outside, though, for sure.

01:02:01.000 Wow.

01:02:02.000 For sure, platinum.

01:02:03.000 And then I get it taken off every six months, and I become.

01:02:06.000 Woods guy.

01:02:07.000 Yeah.

01:02:08.000 I'm into it, man.

01:02:09.000 I'll vouch for you.

01:02:10.000 I'd be like, no, he's two people.

01:02:11.000 Did you tell me you can't be a different person?

01:02:14.000 You could totally be a different person.

01:02:16.000 You feel different a lot during the day.

01:02:17.000 You feel like one way.

01:02:18.000 Some morning you're sad, and then at night you're like, oh, this is a great life, you know?

01:02:23.000 Remember that bittersweet symphony song?

01:02:25.000 I'm a million different people from one day to the next?

01:02:28.000 It's a bitter bittersweet symphony this life.

01:02:34.000 Remember that?

01:02:35.000 Not the way you're singing it.

01:02:36.000 Well, the vaccine sounds like shit.

01:02:39.000 But there was a band called The Verve, and it was a great song.

01:02:44.000 Yes, I know the song, The Verve.

01:02:45.000 But they lost all the money because the opening riff sounded just like the Remember Stones.

01:02:52.000 Yeah.

01:02:52.000 Remember that?

01:02:53.000 I heard something recent similar to this.

01:02:54.000 Did you know that song, I'll Be Missing You, that Puff Daddy made about that.

01:03:00.000 Sting has made all of the money from that song.

01:03:02.000 Yeah, every breath you take.

01:03:03.000 $160 million.

01:03:05.000 How much?

01:03:06.000 $60 or $70 million.

01:03:08.000 Just in that one song, he doesn't share it with the police.

01:03:10.000 It's just his money.

01:03:12.000 The police, see, that's where he fucked up.

01:03:13.000 Yeah, that's right.

01:03:14.000 The police.

01:03:15.000 Well, but it wasn't stinging the edge.

01:03:19.000 No, dude.

01:03:20.000 You can't be the edge.

01:03:21.000 That's you two, right?

01:03:23.000 You two have got the edge.

01:03:24.000 What's the edge?

01:03:24.000 You call yourself the edge, bro.

01:03:26.000 A band?

01:03:26.000 What's that?

01:03:27.000 That's one of the guys in the band.

01:03:28.000 Oh, he calls himself the badge.

01:03:29.000 And he's a white guy.

01:03:30.000 He's a white guy, and he calls himself the edge.

01:03:33.000 Hey, no.

01:03:34.000 Yeah.

01:03:35.000 Definitely no.

01:03:36.000 Yeah, don't.

01:03:37.000 You can't be a the thing.

01:03:40.000 I just love when rappers are like, that's why they call me fucking the edge.

01:03:43.000 And you're like, you asked people to call you that, dude.

01:03:45.000 That's why people call you that.

01:03:47.000 Yeah, you can't do that.

01:03:48.000 They call me the love professor.

01:03:50.000 No, they don't.

01:03:50.000 No.

01:03:51.000 They call me, when you say they call me, I stop listening.

01:03:55.000 Yeah, they call me the psychological coordinator.

01:03:57.000 Huh?

01:03:58.000 That's a good one.

01:03:59.000 That could be one of your guys that is a little woods guy.

01:04:01.000 Psychological coordinator.

01:04:03.000 I just sit and write books on people.

01:04:05.000 This is what I think.

01:04:06.000 I've viewed them on television.

01:04:08.000 Yeah, I mean, why can't you be a different person?

01:04:10.000 If you can identify as being, just decide I'm nine or I'm six.

01:04:13.000 Did you see the one about the guy who identifies as an alien?

01:04:16.000 Oh, no, he wants to have his 10-year-old cut off because he wants to be an alien.

01:04:21.000 Well, he's done his whole body.

01:04:23.000 He's spent a ton of money.

01:04:25.000 Is he the he? 0.93

01:04:26.000 You're not allowed to say he.

01:04:27.000 Can we say Z?

01:04:28.000 Z. What would you say?

01:04:29.000 Z. Z has spent a ton of money.

01:04:33.000 Z has fake lips and done some nutty shit to Z's eyes. 0.60

01:04:37.000 Look at this.

01:04:39.000 $50,000 at over 100 procedures, first of all.

01:04:43.000 Stop.

01:04:44.000 Stop right there.

01:04:45.000 That's not true.

01:04:47.000 Because that means each procedure is how much?

01:04:51.000 You've done 100 procedures?

01:04:52.000 50 divided by 100.

01:04:54.000 Or $50,000 divided by $100.

01:04:55.000 How cheap are these fucking procedures?

01:04:57.000 $14 each.

01:04:58.000 Yeah, this is ridiculous.

01:04:59.000 100 Procedures.

01:05:02.000 If the procedure is $1,000, it would be $100,000.

01:05:06.000 So you've done 100 procedures at $500 each?

01:05:10.000 Make it like a $5 for $1.

01:05:11.000 Dude, plastic surgery is fucking expensive.

01:05:14.000 That's one of those things, it's like a burger.

01:05:16.000 You want to pay the most.

01:05:17.000 Yeah, otherwise.

01:05:17.000 Yeah.

01:05:19.000 I mean, unless he's got a friend.

01:05:22.000 Just $100,000 or $50,000 on $100.

01:05:24.000 Look at his lead right there.

01:05:26.000 Yeah.

01:05:27.000 That's from taking so much dick that your cave caves in.

01:05:33.000 It's like when they drill for coal and they don't do the proper seismic studies.

01:05:37.000 So he doesn't have a vagina or a penis.

01:05:42.000 She's an alien, whatever. 0.99

01:05:43.000 Z. Z's an alien. 0.90

01:05:46.000 Z's trying to become a genderless alien. 1.00

01:05:49.000 It's an interesting look.

01:05:50.000 I mean, why not, man?

01:05:51.000 You know, people want to get their face tattooed.

01:05:53.000 Why not get wacky and do this?

01:05:55.000 And who the fuck am I to judge?

01:05:56.000 My arms are covered in tattoos.

01:05:58.000 No, I mean, fucking, if it makes the person happy or the alien.

01:06:01.000 Who am I to judge?

01:06:02.000 Like, I've got art all over my arms.

01:06:04.000 But keep that picture up, man.

01:06:06.000 You want to keep it to yourself?

01:06:06.000 What are you doing?

01:06:07.000 By the way, do you...

01:06:09.000 Let me see the top one.

01:06:11.000 No, the top one.

01:06:12.000 The face one.

01:06:13.000 Is it the weird face one?

01:06:15.000 No, no, no.

01:06:16.000 The one like, yeah, the top, top one.

01:06:18.000 That one is fucking trippy.

01:06:20.000 What is he doing?

01:06:21.000 What is Z doing to Z's eyes?

01:06:22.000 Well, Vinny is makeup artist Vinny O, 22 from Los Angeles, California.

01:06:29.000 Oh, has plans costing over $160,000 to become a genderless alien. 1.00

01:06:34.000 He's already spent $50,000.

01:06:37.000 Oh, there's 10 photos.

01:06:39.000 Yeah.

01:06:40.000 Jesus.

01:06:41.000 It's crazy.

01:06:43.000 Are those contacts?

01:06:44.000 Is it going to be contacts?

01:06:45.000 Oh, those are the photos, Scott.

01:06:46.000 It might be contacts, but it might also be That is normalish.

01:06:52.000 What kind of pain do you have to be in to want to be genderless? 0.99

01:06:56.000 A genderless alien? 0.95

01:07:00.000 But who am I to judge?

01:07:02.000 Who is anybody to judge, Crystalia?

01:07:04.000 Wouldn't this world be better if we didn't exist?

01:07:07.000 You and I wouldn't exist.

01:07:08.000 We wouldn't have a job.

01:07:09.000 Yeah.

01:07:10.000 That's like that Brett Ernst joke when he's like, who could judge?

01:07:10.000 It's a problem.

01:07:13.000 Only God could judge me.

01:07:14.000 He's like, no, a judge can judge you.

01:07:16.000 That's a funny joke.

01:07:17.000 That's a good joke.

01:07:18.000 I think he does that.

01:07:23.000 That's so stupid.

01:07:23.000 Yeah.

01:07:24.000 I know, I know.

01:07:25.000 People get that tattooed on them.

01:07:26.000 They're like, yeah, shit.

01:07:27.000 You're right.

01:07:28.000 The judge can judge.

01:07:30.000 God damn it.

01:07:30.000 I know.

01:07:31.000 You fuck up.

01:07:32.000 That's why right before the tattoo, I'm like, before I get this done, is there anybody else who could judge me?

01:07:37.000 I mean, be honest with me.

01:07:38.000 Hey, bro, nobody could judge you but God.

01:07:41.000 Nobody.

01:07:42.000 Nobody.

01:07:43.000 Oh, judge is an occupation.

01:07:45.000 Oh, wait.

01:07:47.000 What?

01:07:47.000 It is?

01:07:48.000 Oh, yeah.

01:07:49.000 Did you know that a chiropractor is not even a doctor?

01:07:53.000 How come I did not get a doctor?

01:07:56.000 Did you?

01:07:57.000 I always wanted to get tattoos, but I just don't be scared.

01:07:57.000 I love tattoos.

01:08:00.000 It's just what if I don't like it later.

01:08:02.000 That's the thing.

01:08:02.000 Right.

01:08:02.000 Exactly.

01:08:04.000 Just go to a good tattoo artist.

01:08:06.000 Yeah, but what if I'm like, oh, I love...

01:08:10.000 The guy who did me is a gentleman named Aaron Delavadova from Guru Tattoo in San Diego.

01:08:15.000 And he's just a world-renowned tattoo artist.

01:08:18.000 He does the style of tattoo that I like, like big, bold, lots of colors and stuff.

01:08:23.000 He's just, so I got lucky that I got.

01:08:25.000 It took a long time, though.

01:08:26.000 I had to wait and get an appointment.

01:08:27.000 And this one took like, I want to say this one took like 50 hours.

01:08:32.000 And this one took like 40.

01:08:34.000 So you got that all done.

01:08:35.000 You got that all done.

01:08:36.000 Yeah, at once.

01:08:37.000 No, in pieces.

01:08:38.000 In pieces.

01:08:39.000 But for eight hours, then I'd come back again.

01:08:42.000 They would do like one part for eight hours.

01:08:44.000 I understand that, but that whole thing was a design.

01:08:47.000 It wasn't like, oh, wow.

01:08:48.000 Exactly, yeah.

01:08:49.000 Because usually a lot of people just add to it.

01:08:51.000 I started small, right?

01:08:52.000 I had this little idea, and he was like, it's like you have too much shit you're trying to do in this one little thing.

01:08:58.000 I was like, hmm, so what, should I go like half sleeve?

01:09:01.000 He's like, let me draw you up a half sleeve.

01:09:02.000 And then I'm like, fuck it.

01:09:04.000 Let's just go all the way in.

01:09:06.000 So all of a sudden, then you were tattooed.

01:09:09.000 Yeah, all of a sudden.

01:09:10.000 Well, it took more than a year.

01:09:12.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:09:13.000 Wow.

01:09:13.000 Yeah.

01:09:14.000 But it seemed like when people like sort of piece them together, like one little tattoo at a time, there's something about big pieces.

01:09:21.000 Like when someone has a big flowing piece, like if you're going to get something done, it's all like personal choice.

01:09:27.000 I like them.

01:09:28.000 You just have your arms?

01:09:29.000 Yeah.

01:09:30.000 They don't bother me.

01:09:30.000 I like them.

01:09:31.000 I always think they look cool.

01:09:32.000 Like, you know, even Conor McGregor and shit, like, that looks cool.

01:09:35.000 He's got fucking wacky ass.

01:09:36.000 He's got a gorilla on his neck.

01:09:37.000 On his neck, you know?

01:09:38.000 A gorilla with a crown.

01:09:39.000 But it's like cool.

01:09:40.000 It's him.

01:09:41.000 Are you going to pay money to see that fight?

01:09:41.000 You know what I mean?

01:09:44.000 I got to see that.

01:09:45.000 I mean, I don't really follow it too much, but I got to see that.

01:09:48.000 Right.

01:09:49.000 Right?

01:09:49.000 Yeah.

01:09:50.000 I would say, yeah.

01:09:50.000 I would see.

01:09:51.000 I would definitely watch it.

01:09:53.000 I'm working that night.

01:09:54.000 I'm trying to figure out how I'm going to avoid finding out about the fight.

01:09:57.000 Yeah.

01:09:57.000 So you can watch it, yeah.

01:09:58.000 I mean, there's no hell to not find out.

01:10:00.000 I'm in D.C. that night.

01:10:02.000 Yeah.

01:10:02.000 So I got to figure out how I can watch it without finding out what happened, if that's a possible way.

01:10:09.000 But what about what do you think?

01:10:11.000 Do you have an idea what's going to happen?

01:10:12.000 I think Floyd Mayweather is going to win a boxing match.

01:10:15.000 That's what I think.

01:10:16.000 It's like how he's going to win and whether or not he's challenged and whether or not he's put in danger.

01:10:21.000 He could be put in danger, for sure.

01:10:23.000 If Connor puts, Connor's got to put himself in danger and he's got to be confident enough to like, he's got to get a hold of him.

01:10:29.000 I think he's got to rough him up.

01:10:31.000 He's definitely not going to win a straight boxing match against the best boxer ever.

01:10:37.000 And I don't think he thinks he would do that either.

01:10:39.000 I think what he wants to do is clip him.

01:10:41.000 Just go after him, make a big sprint right away, try to clip him, try to hurt him, try to rough him up.

01:10:49.000 The more the time goes on, what happens with a guy like Floyd is he starts, I mean, he's been boxing for so long.

01:10:56.000 He starts doing things and then anticipating your reaction to those things, timing you.

01:11:01.000 He'll do things not even so that he could hit you, but to see how you react and how fast you are.

01:11:07.000 And maybe if he did this and then came over the top, or maybe if he did this and stepped over here and hit you with a left hook, and he gets it in his head and he starts moving around, and he puts you in like, he sort of like has these parameters for your movements, almost like he's a supercomputer.

01:11:22.000 You see like Anderson Silva used to do that too.

01:11:24.000 You could see him like measure timing.

01:11:26.000 He would see how you react.

01:11:28.000 Bang! 1.00

01:11:28.000 He would just drop that front Kick on your face or something like that. 1.00

01:11:31.000 He just sees that there's an opening there.

01:11:33.000 He knows how fast he can execute a technique.

01:11:36.000 He knows how fast after watching you move for a while that you can move.

01:11:39.000 And he knows whether or not you can get him, whether you can get to him.

01:11:42.000 Like how fast are you?

01:11:43.000 So once Floyd has those numbers in his head, then you just get your face boxed off.

01:11:48.000 Yeah.

01:11:48.000 Then you get your face boxed off.

01:11:49.000 It's so interesting that a guy can be so good at that and work so hard and not get brutally ruined to the point and then become a champion.

01:12:03.000 You know what I mean?

01:12:04.000 There's a bunch of factors.

01:12:05.000 Through all the training and shit.

01:12:06.000 I mean, obviously guys get hurt and then can't become a champion.

01:12:09.000 To be that guy that's gotten to that point is just amazing.

01:12:12.000 Floyd's got a bunch of factors on his side.

01:12:15.000 One, his uncle is a fantastic former professional boxer.

01:12:20.000 Roger Mayweather, the black mamba. 1.00

01:12:22.000 He was a world champion.

01:12:22.000 He was a bad motherfucker, and he would starch guys with one punch.

01:12:26.000 But he had a totally different style.

01:12:28.000 And then his dad, Floyd Mayweather Sr., fought Sugarade Leonard and had a really good fight against Sugar Aid Leonard.

01:12:35.000 If I want to remember, he was stopped late in the fight.

01:12:38.000 I don't remember when.

01:12:41.000 So his dad was an outstanding boxer.

01:12:43.000 His uncle was an outstanding boxer.

01:12:46.000 And he grew up boxing.

01:12:49.000 So he grew up knowing technique at a very early age.

01:12:52.000 When you know at a really early age, you can get really good at it because you can get good at it later.

01:12:57.000 There's a lot of fucking unicorns, like people that don't make any sense.

01:13:00.000 But when you're young, you don't hit that hard.

01:13:03.000 So you and your buddies can hit each other and you don't hurt each other.

01:13:06.000 So you learn how to box and you don't have the consequences.

01:13:11.000 If you learn how to box and you're 180 pounds and you're boxing other dudes that are 180 pounds and you're fucking savages and you're throwing lead at each other, boxing's scary and dangerous.

01:13:21.000 But when you're a little kid, you can't even hurt each other.

01:13:24.000 That's what actually Joel Gerson was saying that it's way easier to teach kids how to like throw.

01:13:29.000 Oh, yeah.

01:13:30.000 Because, you know, your body fucks up when you're 200 pounds trying to throw somebody else 200 pounds.

01:13:36.000 Yeah, when you're 40 pounds, you're throwing another 40 pounder.

01:13:39.000 No one gets hurt.

01:13:40.000 Yeah.

01:13:41.000 Yeah.

01:13:42.000 Floyd's just as good as they've ever been in terms of boxing.

01:13:46.000 He's got a unique style.

01:13:47.000 He doesn't take a lot of damage.

01:13:49.000 He's the best defensive boxer of all time.

01:13:51.000 In terms of the amount of time that he gets hit, nobody gets hit less.

01:13:56.000 Yeah, I don't know much about boxing or fighting at all, but I have to, I mean, I got to see that.

01:14:02.000 It's a freak show.

01:14:03.000 It's not a boxing match because Connor doesn't have a lot of boxing matches.

01:14:07.000 It's not like we're looking at Canelo Alvarez when he was challenging Floyd and we're going, hmm, you think Canelo can get to him?

01:14:12.000 Well, we can go back and look at this fight.

01:14:14.000 He did really well.

01:14:15.000 You can't look at anything.

01:14:16.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:14:17.000 You can't look at anything.

01:14:18.000 Doesn't the wind, the stamina, I mean, like a boxer's stamina, he's got to go 12 rounds, right?

01:14:23.000 True.

01:14:23.000 UFC is what?

01:14:25.000 Five rounds for a championship fight, but it's five, five-minute rounds with kicking and wrestling.

01:14:30.000 It is fucking way easier to go three minutes boxing than it is to go five minutes of MMA.

01:14:36.000 Fucking way easier.

01:14:39.000 I guess I didn't know that.

01:14:40.000 I've only done grappling and shit.

01:14:42.000 No comparison.

01:14:42.000 Not that I've done either one of them professionally.

01:14:45.000 But I'm just telling you, as far as the amount of work that you put out in a three-minute round of just using your hands versus wrestling, fighting off submissions, getting your legs kicked, kicking, all those things require tremendous amounts of energy.

01:14:58.000 I think UFC athletes are some of the most conditioned athletes in the world.

01:15:02.000 They got to be a little bit more.

01:15:02.000 Absolutely.

01:15:02.000 Oh, yeah.

01:15:03.000 High level.

01:15:04.000 When you get to a Mighty Mouse level, that guy can go five rounds full clip and never get done.

01:15:09.000 That guy, I mean, we were talking about that guy.

01:15:13.000 How much he gets hit?

01:15:14.000 Dude, nobody hits Mighty Mouse these days.

01:15:17.000 He's on such another level right now.

01:15:18.000 He's several levels past.

01:15:20.000 Mighty Mouse, Demetrius Mighty Mouse Johnson.

01:15:22.000 Who are you talking about?

01:15:23.000 The Asian guy.

01:15:24.000 Who was the Asian guy that kept getting punched in the face?

01:15:24.000 No.

01:15:27.000 We talked about him.

01:15:29.000 Are you talking about the Korean Superboy?

01:15:31.000 Duho Choi?

01:15:31.000 Yeah.

01:15:32.000 Yeah, that was the crazy fight with Cub Swanson.

01:15:34.000 Totally different fight.

01:15:35.000 Mighty Mouse is the pound-for-pound best fighter in the world.

01:15:38.000 He's the UFC flatweight champion.

01:15:39.000 Duho Choi is one of the most exciting 145-pound contenders.

01:15:44.000 Yeah.

01:15:44.000 And he had a fucking crazy fight with Cub Swanson.

01:15:47.000 That was crazy.

01:15:48.000 Oh, my God.

01:15:51.000 Yeah, because they were playing that at the comedy store when it was on TV.

01:15:55.000 Yeah, that was a crazy fucking fight.

01:15:57.000 Yeah.

01:16:00.000 It's all about whether or not Connor can hit him.

01:16:04.000 And he probably can't hit him.

01:16:05.000 I mean, just you got to be honest.

01:16:06.000 Probably cannot, you're saying?

01:16:08.000 Yeah.

01:16:08.000 Probably cannot.

01:16:09.000 Probably cannot.

01:16:10.000 I mean, Floyd has been doing this for so many years.

01:16:12.000 Yeah, he's the defensive boxer.

01:16:15.000 It's a different world, man.

01:16:17.000 It's a different world.

01:16:18.000 There's no leg kicks.

01:16:19.000 There's no takedowns.

01:16:21.000 There's no, it's a different world.

01:16:23.000 Was it you that was saying, somebody was saying something about how Connor has something, has the one thing over Floyd that nobody's ever had over him, and that's that he can say, I can kick your fucking ass.

01:16:37.000 Yeah, I can fuck you up.

01:16:38.000 Is that your chance?

01:16:39.000 Yeah, it is me.

01:16:40.000 If there was an MMA fight, it would be look, Connor has a chance in a boxing match because he knows how to box.

01:16:45.000 Right, Floyd has no chance in a box.

01:16:47.000 Floyd has zero.

01:16:48.000 Right.

01:16:48.000 Zero.

01:16:49.000 It's leg kick to take down, to smash, to strangle every day all day for the rest of your life.

01:16:55.000 Baseball player in the Octagon.

01:16:56.000 Yeah, because he even can't even punch him if Connor's kicking him.

01:17:01.000 Like if they just let Connor kick, if they said, okay, listen, you can't do MMA, but you can kick.

01:17:07.000 Oh, my God.

01:17:08.000 I'm putting all the money on Connor.

01:17:09.000 Really?

01:17:09.000 100% of it.

01:17:10.000 100 fucking percent.

01:17:12.000 You let him kick?

01:17:13.000 Jesus Christ.

01:17:14.000 How many leg kicks do you think Floyd Mayweather Jr. can take?

01:17:17.000 Even if he's blocking.

01:17:18.000 Dude, Connor's going to sidekick his knees.

01:17:19.000 Oh, the legs.

01:17:20.000 Yeah, that's the worst thing.

01:17:21.000 He's going to fuck his legs up.

01:17:22.000 He's never going to get close enough to hit him.

01:17:24.000 He's going to sidekick his legs.

01:17:25.000 He's going to sidekick his body.

01:17:27.000 He's going to, I mean, there's no chance.

01:17:30.000 But first, take the legs away and no chance for Connor.

01:17:30.000 No chance.

01:17:33.000 Not no chance for Connor, but boy, if you have money, boo, who you betting on?

01:17:39.000 I remember the first time I felt a kick to my leg.

01:17:44.000 I couldn't believe how hard it is.

01:17:46.000 It's horrible.

01:17:47.000 It's horrible.

01:17:49.000 Dude, there was this guy named Pedro Hizzo that was one of the top UFC heavyweights, fought all over the place.

01:17:55.000 And he used to leg kick guys, and he was this big fucking Brazilian dude. 0.77

01:18:00.000 Just UFC a long time ago.

01:18:02.000 Way back.

01:18:03.000 And he would submit guys just by kicking their legs.

01:18:04.000 Oh, yeah.

01:18:05.000 He would break your leg.

01:18:06.000 He would break your leg.

01:18:07.000 His leg kicks were so heavy.

01:18:09.000 You would hear them like ringside.

01:18:11.000 It would just sound different.

01:18:12.000 Oh, no.

01:18:13.000 This guy's going to let him kick him.

01:18:15.000 No, this is not.

01:18:16.000 Oh, he's going to low-kick a journalist.

01:18:18.000 He's going to hold the pad.

01:18:19.000 Yeah, that's Pedro his own.

01:18:20.000 No, don't do it.

01:18:22.000 He's going to let him kick his leg.

01:18:23.000 No, look at the size of Pedro.

01:18:24.000 He's giant.

01:18:25.000 He's huge.

01:18:26.000 Don't do that.

01:18:27.000 He's a journalist?

01:18:28.000 This guy's going to let him do that?

01:18:30.000 Come on, they're not going to do it.

01:18:33.000 Dude, he could just, that's not even an exaggeration.

01:18:36.000 He touched you like that with his leg, and you have a Charlie horse.

01:18:39.000 What?

01:18:40.000 I'm not kidding, dude.

01:18:42.000 He was a gorilla.

01:18:44.000 He's the hardest leg kicks I've ever seen because he was a big-ass heavyweight.

01:18:48.000 Is this guy going to hold a pad or what?

01:18:50.000 He's going to go flying.

01:18:50.000 No, my lad.

01:18:51.000 Oh my God.

01:18:52.000 This is going to be awful for him.

01:18:53.000 Even with the pad.

01:18:54.000 Here it goes.

01:18:57.000 No.

01:18:58.000 Come on, son.

01:19:00.000 That dude just flew through the air and flipped and landed on his face.

01:19:05.000 And it didn't look like it was nothing for him, for the other guy.

01:19:07.000 Dude, that's how hard Pedro Hizzo kicks.

01:19:10.000 You got to understand.

01:19:11.000 There's no way that was 100% either.

01:19:13.000 Oh, it probably was.

01:19:14.000 Yeah, let me see it again.

01:19:14.000 Really?

01:19:16.000 The dude flew through the air.

01:19:17.000 That was a 170-pound man.

01:19:19.000 He went flying through the air.

01:19:21.000 That guy flew.

01:19:23.000 Wow.

01:19:25.000 That's really funny.

01:19:27.000 He was terrifying.

01:19:28.000 At least he went with it.

01:19:29.000 He fought Rico Rodriguez.

01:19:31.000 Rico was one of the top UFC heavyweights at the time.

01:19:34.000 And he hit him with a leg kick. 0.52

01:19:36.000 Whop.

01:19:36.000 And you could see the look at Rico was like, what in the fuck is that all about?

01:19:41.000 He just had a different amount of power.

01:19:44.000 It was like George Foreman punches, but with the legs.

01:19:47.000 Just had a totally different thing going on.

01:19:50.000 Were you a big fan of boxing back?

01:19:53.000 Huge UFC and all that?

01:19:53.000 Yeah.

01:19:55.000 Oh, yeah, man.

01:19:56.000 I still am.

01:19:56.000 I still am a big fan of boxing.

01:19:58.000 I love it.

01:19:59.000 Boxing is exciting because when you see a guy like Sergei Kovalov versus Andre Ward, like the last fight, you're seeing the margin of error that each guy is operating in is so small.

01:20:14.000 And it's just two things.

01:20:15.000 It's just left hand, right hand.

01:20:17.000 Those are two weapons, right?

01:20:18.000 And the margin of error that you have when one guy's an expert at punching people in the face and the other guy's an expert at punching people in the face and you're moving around trying to find your openings and these like world-class top of the food chain guys are trying to smash each other with their punches and that's all they have to rely on.

01:20:37.000 So in making something like very limited, to me, especially because I watch so much MMA, it becomes interesting because I'm like, okay, now I don't have to think about leg kicks.

01:20:46.000 You don't have to think about takedowns.

01:20:47.000 All I have to think about is which guy, you know, like which guy is going to be able to solve this puzzle.

01:20:51.000 And it's very fascinating to me.

01:20:53.000 To the point where people, I like fights that people get mad at.

01:20:56.000 Like they go, that fight sucked.

01:20:58.000 Because they thought it wasn't exciting or whatever.

01:21:00.000 Exactly.

01:21:01.000 Exactly.

01:21:01.000 Well, that's why I've always been a fan of Floyd Mayweather.

01:21:04.000 Yeah.

01:21:04.000 Because of what he's able to do defensively.

01:21:06.000 Like nobody can do what he does.

01:21:07.000 That's cool.

01:21:08.000 Yeah.

01:21:09.000 He's an amazing defensive boxer.

01:21:11.000 I mean, every fighter should watch him.

01:21:13.000 Every fighter should learn just like how he could stand right in front of you, too.

01:21:17.000 I mean, we stood right in front of guys.

01:21:19.000 Just fucking.

01:21:20.000 There was a video on YouTube I was watching where the guy was like, I want to show you guys the head move that I'll just make sure.

01:21:26.000 I won't even block, but that's how I'll never get hit in the head.

01:21:29.000 And he goes up to random people on the street and he's like, hey.

01:21:32.000 Yeah.

01:21:32.000 I've seen that guy.

01:21:33.000 He was like, go ahead and try to punch me for like a minute and I'm not going to block.

01:21:36.000 And the guy was like, okay.

01:21:38.000 And then he just never gets hit in the face because he's doing this fucking head bop. 0.77

01:21:41.000 Yeah, but he's got to find the right guys.

01:21:43.000 Well, I mean, he's not finding professional boxers.

01:21:45.000 You roll up on Deontay Wilder.

01:21:48.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:21:49.000 All right, I'll do it.

01:21:50.000 But still, I mean, you know, that's interesting.

01:21:53.000 I wouldn't have thought about that.

01:21:54.000 Yeah, a guy who can move his head like a Floyd Mayweather or a Vasily Lomachenko, like that kind of guy.

01:22:01.000 A guy who can stand right in front of you and you can't hit him, that's one of the most terrifying guys to face.

01:22:05.000 That's fucking crazy.

01:22:06.000 You can't hit him.

01:22:09.000 He's just not there.

01:22:10.000 And then he's hitting you all the time.

01:22:11.000 And you're getting frustrated and killing him.

01:22:13.000 And you're getting winded.

01:22:14.000 You miss a punch.

01:22:16.000 And you realize you're caught in a spider web.

01:22:18.000 You're slowly getting lit up.

01:22:20.000 That's what's going to be interesting, too, to see what happens to Connor if he does find himself in the web.

01:22:26.000 If he finds himself in the web.

01:22:27.000 Whether or not he tries to distance himself from Floyd and stay on the outside, whether or not he tries to clinch up with him and bully him, or whether he does something really confusing that Floyd doesn't expect.

01:22:40.000 His coach, John Kavanaugh, the guy who's coached him in MMA, very, very smart guy and a brilliant tactician.

01:22:46.000 And together their team is, I like their approach, a very, very unique approach.

01:22:51.000 And one of the things they do is they come up with these really unorthodox training routines because his statement that really rings true with me is he says, we want to upgrade the hardware or upgrade the software without damaging the hardware.

01:23:04.000 Kavanaugh says this?

01:23:05.000 Yeah, so they do a lot of drills instead of constant hard sparring.

01:23:09.000 And the idea is that when you do hard sparring all the time, the problem is it's hard for experimentation because you get punished if you fuck up.

01:23:16.000 And it's hard to download new stuff.

01:23:19.000 And then the other hand, doing things like just doing drills over and over again can get kind of boring.

01:23:26.000 So they come up with all these innovative ways to incorporate new kind of movements.

01:23:30.000 And a lot of it's weird.

01:23:32.000 Like they throw cards at him.

01:23:33.000 He's got this guy who throws cards at him and he punches the cards out of him.

01:23:36.000 I've seen that one.

01:23:37.000 I don't know how effective, if at all, that is.

01:23:40.000 But it's a freak show.

01:23:42.000 That's what's exciting.

01:23:44.000 I mean, the crazy thing is, what if fucking Connor wins?

01:23:47.000 Yes.

01:23:47.000 Then that's kind of bad for boxing, honestly.

01:23:53.000 It's awesome for Connor McGregor.

01:23:54.000 Oh, it's great for him.

01:23:55.000 I don't think it's bad for boxing because Connor McGregor can box.

01:23:58.000 I mean, he really can box.

01:24:00.000 The question is, can he box with Floyd Mayweather?

01:24:02.000 Right, right.

01:24:03.000 That's a big difference, you know?

01:24:04.000 I mean, then Connor McGregor is the biggest star.

01:24:07.000 Ever.

01:24:08.000 Oh, yeah.

01:24:08.000 Ever.

01:24:09.000 If he knocks out Floyd Mayweather, he's the biggest athlete of all time.

01:24:14.000 He becomes, first of all, in Europe, he becomes the king of Europe.

01:24:17.000 They just give him crowns and they make a castle for him.

01:24:22.000 That's crazy.

01:24:23.000 Dude, if he knocks out Floyd Mayweather, he is literally probably the most popular athlete of all time.

01:24:29.000 He might surpass like, he's in Muhammad Ali levels, right?

01:24:33.000 I mean, he's already, he's already.

01:24:35.000 Yeah.

01:24:37.000 I think Muhammad Ali was probably, it wasn't our time, but I think he was probably at a totally different level because Muhammad Ali also represented the civil rights movement.

01:24:46.000 He represented the resistance of the Vietnam War.

01:24:49.000 He lost his license to fight for three years.

01:24:52.000 Yeah, he's a symbol of a generation.

01:24:52.000 It's a story.

01:24:57.000 Connor is just an amazing fighter.

01:24:59.000 So take away Muhammad Ali, and I think he's probably on his way. 0.87

01:25:03.000 But if he loses and he gets embarrassed by Floyd.

01:25:07.000 Even still, it's not his sport.

01:25:09.000 He's got nothing to lose.

01:25:10.000 I mean, he's making $100 million anyway?

01:25:12.000 Who the fuck knows?

01:25:12.000 I'm sure it's a ton of cash.

01:25:16.000 So many people are going to be watching.

01:25:17.000 How could it not be?

01:25:18.000 The craziest thing about Connor is that four years ago, nobody knew who the fuck he was.

01:25:23.000 I mean, that's crazy.

01:25:25.000 That's like, there's no profession where, like, all of a sudden, you're that big of a star.

01:25:31.000 But it doesn't even exist in MMA.

01:25:32.000 You got to understand.

01:25:33.000 Nobody else does that.

01:25:34.000 It's just him.

01:25:36.000 He's that big.

01:25:36.000 So what happened?

01:25:37.000 How old is he, by the way?

01:25:38.000 He's like 28.

01:25:39.000 Jesus Christ.

01:25:40.000 28, 29.

01:25:41.000 I tweeted him when he won the Cage Warriors title, or he might have been defending his title.

01:25:47.000 I think it was Cage Warriors.

01:25:48.000 But he flatlined some dude.

01:25:50.000 I was like, this kid's fucking good.

01:25:51.000 Really?

01:25:52.000 Yeah, and I tweeted him, congratulations, and I said, I hope to see you in the UFC someday.

01:25:56.000 And that was like 2013.

01:25:59.000 Wow.

01:26:00.000 Yeah, that's because of Access TV.

01:26:01.000 Shout out to Access TV, formerly HDNet.

01:26:04.000 They had so many good fights online.

01:26:07.000 Actually, maybe it was the internet.

01:26:08.000 It might have been on the internet.

01:26:10.000 Actually, now that I think, caught your fight.

01:26:11.000 Congratulations.

01:26:12.000 Looks sensational.

01:26:13.000 Hope to see you in the UFC someday.

01:26:15.000 That's cool, man.

01:26:16.000 God.

01:26:17.000 2013, January of 2013.

01:26:17.000 That's crazy.

01:26:20.000 But to think that he tweeted that then and then and then now he's the biggest fighter on the planet.

01:26:26.000 That was before he even came there.

01:26:26.000 God.

01:26:29.000 It's pretty dope.

01:26:29.000 So basically you're saying he rose so quickly because...

01:26:34.000 Yeah, I got you.

01:26:35.000 He's something special.

01:26:36.000 And he knocks people dead.

01:26:38.000 You know, everybody except Nate Diaz.

01:26:41.000 Nate Diaz, that just shows what a bad motherfucker he is.

01:26:43.000 He's the most underutilized fighter in MMA, period, in terms of his star power, capitalizing on it.

01:26:50.000 I don't think the UFC even knows how fucking huge Nate Diaz is.

01:26:54.000 And Nick, his brother Nick.

01:26:55.000 Branding wise, you're saying?

01:26:57.000 Everybody loves those guys.

01:26:58.000 They're fucking characters.

01:27:00.000 They're like an American version of Snatched.

01:27:03.000 That's fucking funny.

01:27:05.000 Is it Snatched or Snatched?

01:27:05.000 Right?

01:27:07.000 Snatched.

01:27:08.000 Snatched was the Goldie Hahn Amy Schumer one, right?

01:27:12.000 I get confused.

01:27:13.000 And there's another Snatched?

01:27:15.000 Snatched is maybe like a TV show on the ID channel or some bullshit.

01:27:19.000 You know what I mean?

01:27:21.000 I was snatched.

01:27:22.000 It'd be great if it was either alien abductions or a guy who works on pussies. 1.00

01:27:27.000 I'm a pussy doctor. 1.00

01:27:29.000 I like to trim them extra legs.

01:27:31.000 Today is Snatched.

01:27:32.000 We're cleaning up this wide pussy. 1.00

01:27:36.000 Yeah.

01:27:36.000 A pussy doctor.

01:27:38.000 Yeah, no.

01:27:40.000 Yeah.

01:27:41.000 But that guy, to me, Nate Diaz looks like fucking a guy you don't fuck with.

01:27:46.000 Oh, yeah, for sure.

01:27:47.000 He's huge.

01:27:48.000 People don't realize how big Nate is in between fights.

01:27:50.000 Motherfucker's walking around like 200 pounds.

01:27:52.000 He's huge.

01:27:53.000 He's a big fella.

01:27:55.000 Big and super good dude.

01:27:56.000 So how did he fight?

01:27:57.000 Oh, he just leaned out to fight Connor.

01:27:59.000 Yeah, he just, well, they fought at 170 both times.

01:28:02.000 God, that's so much weight to lose.

01:28:04.000 As a 200-pounder?

01:28:05.000 Yeah, but you do it slow.

01:28:07.000 You know, you do it over the course of, you know, like I'm sure he's carrying some body fat now.

01:28:11.000 When he got down to 155, he's fought at 55 before.

01:28:14.000 When he fought at 55 before the Connor fight, he fought Michael Johnson, one of his best fights at 55.

01:28:19.000 155?

01:28:20.000 Dude shredded at the weigh-ins.

01:28:22.000 Like, you should see him.

01:28:26.000 He looked insane in that fight.

01:28:28.000 Like, for the weigh-ins, he was obviously in, like, crazy, crazy shape.

01:28:32.000 Smokes weed, by the way.

01:28:33.000 Holla.

01:28:34.000 Well, yeah, everybody thinks that weed makes you lazy.

01:28:38.000 Well, no.

01:28:38.000 Come on.

01:28:39.000 I mean.

01:28:39.000 Lazy makes you lazy.

01:28:40.000 You smoke weed.

01:28:41.000 Look at that.

01:28:42.000 Wow.

01:28:42.000 Shredded.

01:28:43.000 Is that from that fight?

01:28:45.000 That's it right there.

01:28:46.000 Boom, son.

01:28:46.000 Look at that.

01:28:48.000 That's a mean-looking motherfucker. 0.99

01:28:51.000 He doesn't have no fat.

01:28:53.000 He's had some sensational UFC victories, too.

01:28:56.000 I mean, the guy should be...

01:29:03.000 I'm sure he made a shitload of money on the rematch.

01:29:06.000 But now what, though?

01:29:07.000 What's he going to do?

01:29:08.000 Wow, Connor right there.

01:29:08.000 Louis.

01:29:09.000 Jesus Christ.

01:29:10.000 Look at his body.

01:29:11.000 You could set him up with some good fights.

01:29:12.000 That was when Connor was like severely dehydrated.

01:29:15.000 That's a 145-pound picture, I believe.

01:29:18.000 Yeah, it's fight night.

01:29:20.000 Yeah, so that was a 145-pound picture.

01:29:22.000 And that was before he had the notorious on his abs.

01:29:24.000 Oh, right, right.

01:29:25.000 Fucked up, man.

01:29:26.000 Dude, had vicious abs.

01:29:28.000 Just scribbled on them.

01:29:32.000 Wow.

01:29:33.000 But yeah, when you see him at 170, like when he fought Eddie Alvarez at 155 or May Diaz, he's the 155 champ now.

01:29:42.000 What's really fucked up because he was the 145-pound champ, and then he just left the title, won the 155-pound title.

01:29:49.000 So now he had two world titles in the UFC, and then he just, they sort of take the, see that picture right there.

01:29:55.000 He's way bigger there.

01:29:56.000 Yeah, jacked.

01:29:57.000 Wow.

01:29:58.000 That's the Nate Diaz rematch.

01:30:00.000 He was jacked.

01:30:01.000 But how tall is he?

01:30:02.000 Or something tall, right?

01:30:04.000 He's 5'9.

01:30:05.000 Yeah.

01:30:06.000 Yeah, Nate Diaz is...

01:30:09.000 Oh, that's the Alvarez fight.

01:30:10.000 Okay.

01:30:10.000 So that's him at 155, actually.

01:30:13.000 The Nate Diaz fight.

01:30:14.000 Well, I bet they're real similar in sizes.

01:30:17.000 That's the Nate Diaz fight?

01:30:18.000 Oh, yeah, yeah.

01:30:19.000 Look at his lats.

01:30:20.000 No, that's Alvarez because he's jacked.

01:30:23.000 It says Diaz McGregor on the.

01:30:24.000 Oh, does it?

01:30:24.000 Oh, you're right.

01:30:25.000 Oh, yeah, that's right.

01:30:26.000 UFC 202.

01:30:27.000 Right.

01:30:28.000 Yeah.

01:30:28.000 Okay, so that makes sense because he's 170 in this one.

01:30:30.000 I mean, look at that tattoo.

01:30:32.000 Yeah.

01:30:32.000 That's incredible.

01:30:33.000 That's not.

01:30:34.000 I would have said, hey, man, you can put that somewhere else.

01:30:37.000 Put that shit on your back or something.

01:30:40.000 Don't fuck up your abs son.

01:30:42.000 But, you know, when it comes to personalities.

01:30:47.000 Personalities and fighting.

01:30:47.000 Yeah.

01:30:48.000 Yeah, see the difference?

01:30:49.000 Damn, he looks different, huh?

01:30:51.000 Yeah, he was so sucked in for that first fight.

01:30:55.000 Like, Jesus Christ.

01:30:59.000 On the top, he looks like a guy that would yell at you on the street corner.

01:31:02.000 Yeah, like a crazy person.

01:31:03.000 Yeah.

01:31:04.000 You're on the bottom.

01:31:04.000 His face is nice and full.

01:31:05.000 Yeah, it looks like it's gonna kill you.

01:31:07.000 He's um, he's gonna make a lot of money.

01:31:07.000 Yeah.

01:31:09.000 Whether or not he could beat that guy, yeah, either way, huh?

01:31:12.000 It's gonna be fascinating to see.

01:31:13.000 It's gonna be fascinating.

01:31:14.000 And also, isn't that not to talk about this too much, but isn't it quick?

01:31:19.000 Isn't it like soon to have the like they didn't have time to train?

01:31:22.000 Exactly, which is what I think what Floyd wants.

01:31:25.000 Yeah.

01:31:26.000 I think Floyd was probably in great shape.

01:31:28.000 And I think actually, it's probably good to do it this way.

01:31:32.000 I think they prepared for it for quite a long time before they actually committed to it.

01:31:36.000 I hope, at least.

01:31:37.000 I know he was preparing.

01:31:38.000 He didn't take any MMA fights.

01:31:40.000 Didn't even think about it.

01:31:42.000 It is kind of soon, though.

01:31:44.000 August.

01:31:44.000 Just around the corner.

01:31:45.000 Wish it wasn't working.

01:31:45.000 Yeah.

01:31:46.000 Also, can't they make so much money if they waited?

01:31:50.000 I don't know, man.

01:31:51.000 This is such a freak show.

01:31:52.000 I think they might be playing it right.

01:31:54.000 Yeah, maybe, yeah.

01:31:55.000 Because this ain't some thing like you're going to plan out for six months.

01:31:58.000 People might lose steam.

01:32:00.000 Yeah, maybe you're right.

01:32:01.000 Yeah.

01:32:02.000 Yeah, maybe you're right.

01:32:03.000 You know what's the most dragged out fight of all time?

01:32:05.000 What?

01:32:06.000 Jean-Claude Van Damme was going to have a, was it a kickboxing fight?

01:32:10.000 I think it was a kickboxing fight with some cat, some Thai guy who won the gold medal in the Olympics.

01:32:17.000 And they went around for years posing, having like face-offs and shit.

01:32:22.000 And never did it?

01:32:23.000 Never did it.

01:32:24.000 Yeah.

01:32:24.000 That's hilarious.

01:32:25.000 Oh, he had the best reality shows.

01:32:27.000 Jean-Claude Jean-January was my favorite.

01:32:29.000 That Volvo commercial or whatever the fuck it was?

01:32:29.000 I love that dude.

01:32:31.000 Oh, and he's got his legs spread between the two trucks.

01:32:35.000 I don't think that's real.

01:32:36.000 I mean, you could definitely do the splits, but I really don't think they would.

01:32:38.000 Well, but either way, it's ridiculous.

01:32:40.000 I mean, it is.

01:32:43.000 God, that guy.

01:32:45.000 I remember I watched Street Fighter twice in one day.

01:32:49.000 Was he in Street Fighter?

01:32:50.000 He was the guy, a guile guy, yeah.

01:32:52.000 I'm going to kick that son of a bitch Bison's ass. 1.00

01:32:54.000 So Ord, he would say.

01:32:56.000 So Ord.

01:32:58.000 That fucking killed me.

01:32:59.000 He said Ord.

01:33:01.000 What is this?

01:33:02.000 Oh, they got him a statue in Brussels.

01:33:04.000 Wow.

01:33:04.000 Powerful Jean-Claude Van Damme.

01:33:06.000 So happy.

01:33:06.000 Look at him.

01:33:07.000 Sunglasses.

01:33:08.000 Doesn't give a fuck.

01:33:10.000 I know.

01:33:11.000 Yeah.

01:33:12.000 What a character.

01:33:13.000 He's got Russia. 0.85

01:33:15.000 He is.

01:33:16.000 Just looking at Jean-Claude Van Damme has to have like he looks like a guy who would have the darkest sexual life.

01:33:25.000 You know what I mean?

01:33:27.000 Like has a wife blow security right now. 1.00

01:33:31.000 Oh, makes the wife suck his stick. 1.00

01:33:35.000 No doubt.

01:33:35.000 Wow, that's a good thing.

01:33:36.000 I don't think so, man.

01:33:37.000 Well, that's how he looks.

01:33:39.000 And he has his sunglasses on when it's nighttime.

01:33:42.000 That's it.

01:33:44.000 You're telling me?

01:33:45.000 Come on, look at him.

01:33:46.000 Look at him right there.

01:33:48.000 Blow security right now.

01:33:51.000 That's it.

01:33:52.000 I know guys who have had that happen where they were with a guy and the guy wanted his wife to suck their dick. 1.00

01:34:02.000 A friend of mine said that this guy was coaching his wife through sucking his dick and he had just met the two of them that night.

01:34:10.000 That's some different.

01:34:11.000 Yeah, I don't.

01:34:13.000 I mean, like, what is it?

01:34:15.000 You get bored or what?

01:34:16.000 I don't know.

01:34:17.000 Yeah.

01:34:18.000 Or is that like a thing that is with you before that and then it just comes out?

01:34:22.000 Because that's What is that?

01:34:24.000 Yeah.

01:34:25.000 It's a good question.

01:34:25.000 I don't know.

01:34:27.000 Like, it can't be, it can't be one day you're just like, you know.

01:34:33.000 Suck his dick. 1.00

01:34:34.000 You know, it's not like that.

01:34:35.000 It has to be with you before that.

01:34:39.000 Yeah, I would imagine.

01:34:40.000 It has to be.

01:34:41.000 Yeah.

01:34:42.000 Who knows?

01:34:44.000 I don't know.

01:34:45.000 Might be.

01:34:46.000 I don't know, though.

01:34:47.000 You know, it's one of those things where you got to think, why does it bother us?

01:34:52.000 Well, here's the deal, man.

01:34:54.000 Being in an open relationship is different than watching.

01:34:57.000 Well, yeah, but still, why does it bother us?

01:34:58.000 That's what you're saying.

01:34:59.000 But it does.

01:34:59.000 Why does it bother us?

01:35:01.000 For the most part, yeah.

01:35:02.000 Yeah, the idea that somehow or another, you could blow a fuse and then you're right next to a guy going, you like that, huh?

01:35:08.000 Honey, honey, work the balls. 1.00

01:35:10.000 But suck one of his balls. 1.00

01:35:12.000 Do the thing I like.

01:35:13.000 Put your hand like him.

01:35:15.000 Jerk your hand off like where your fingers are facing him.

01:35:18.000 But it's a fucking weird thing.

01:35:24.000 It's super weird.

01:35:26.000 Because I was like, what do you mean?

01:35:27.000 It's a power thing, right?

01:35:28.000 It's a power thing.

01:35:30.000 I guess it's also like I'm a freak thing.

01:35:32.000 It's like we're being naughty.

01:35:34.000 We're doing something dangerous.

01:35:36.000 We're rebels.

01:35:37.000 We're something.

01:35:38.000 What are we?

01:35:41.000 I mean, we've had some weird stuff, but I had a fan once, their driver came up to me and he was like, hi, I was instructed to come over here, and this guy wants you to meet his wife and sleep with him.

01:35:56.000 It was in Chicago.

01:35:57.000 Sleep with her, you mean?

01:35:57.000 To her, yeah.

01:35:59.000 Either way, I'm not doing it.

01:36:00.000 But I really wanted to fuck him.

01:36:02.000 That was the thing.

01:36:03.000 He had this face.

01:36:05.000 Imagine if there was like a guy out there.

01:36:06.000 Sort of how that picture makes epileptics have seizures.

01:36:10.000 There was a guy out there that makes your dickhard a great face.

01:36:13.000 And you just didn't expect it at all out of nowhere.

01:36:16.000 Like you might not even have to see him in person, but if it's a guy that's so pretty, they figured out a way to have the perfect amount of masculine.

01:36:24.000 But not even pretty, just the kind of vibe.

01:36:27.000 You like his vibe.

01:36:28.000 Yeah, like a bear.

01:36:29.000 Like a John Goodwin.

01:36:30.000 Like a handsome grizzled guy.

01:36:31.000 Because I'm not gay.

01:36:32.000 Like, look, I'm not gay.

01:36:33.000 I never had sex with a guy.

01:36:34.000 But if I was going to, I think I would pick like a big guy.

01:36:38.000 A nice-looking guy.

01:36:40.000 Not like a pretty guy.

01:36:41.000 Right.

01:36:42.000 Like Tom Selleck in his prime.

01:36:44.000 Yeah.

01:36:45.000 Shoes, no socks.

01:36:46.000 Red car.

01:36:47.000 Christian.

01:36:48.000 What's up with the flowers in your shirt, bro?

01:36:50.000 Yeah.

01:36:50.000 That's how you hit on him.

01:36:52.000 Hey, man, what's up with the flowers in your shirt?

01:36:54.000 What are you doing later?

01:36:56.000 How come you wear socks?

01:36:57.000 Do your feet stink?

01:36:58.000 Don't lie to me, bro.

01:36:59.000 Yeah, look at that.

01:37:00.000 He's a handsome guy.

01:37:01.000 In Hawaii.

01:37:01.000 Guy.

01:37:02.000 Man, right there.

01:37:03.000 In Hawaii.

01:37:04.000 I always used to think when Tom Selleck was in Hawaii, Magnum P.I. was in Hawaii, I would always think, like, does he hate being in Hawaii after a while?

01:37:10.000 I would think that too.

01:37:11.000 About like, because like Lost, and then they do Hawaii 5-0 there.

01:37:14.000 By the way, there's a guy.

01:37:16.000 Well, I mean, there's a guy that was on both Lost and Hawaii 5.0.

01:37:19.000 Well, he probably loves it down here.

01:37:20.000 He must.

01:37:21.000 Listen, man, people who live down there, you're living in paradise.

01:37:24.000 Except for the occasional hurricane.

01:37:26.000 Other than that, you're living in paradise.

01:37:27.000 Yeah, but it's also, I mean, dude, it's so humid, man.

01:37:30.000 I mean, I was in West Palm Beach this past weekend, and I was like, yeah, it's beautiful, but like it's too hot.

01:37:38.000 92 degrees feels like 4,000 degrees.

01:37:41.000 Yeah, it gets funky.

01:37:43.000 And then you come back to LA and you're like, oh, this is the best.

01:37:46.000 It's dry.

01:37:47.000 It's dry is the best, yeah.

01:37:48.000 Like Phoenix.

01:37:49.000 Phoenix can get hot as fuck.

01:37:51.000 Phoenix is just, yeah.

01:37:52.000 But you're landlocked, too.

01:37:53.000 I feel like nice if you're...

01:37:55.000 You can just get in a boat if shit gets rough.

01:37:57.000 Yeah.

01:37:58.000 You just have a boat on your deck, like tied down.

01:38:01.000 Even if you're just in Santa Monica or like the valley.

01:38:03.000 As a tsunami hits, you get in the boat and you always like freeze-dried foods.

01:38:08.000 Would you want to be the guy who gets hit in the head by the asteroid or would you want to be the guy that has to figure out how to rebuild civilization again?

01:38:19.000 Because get hit in the head would be nice and quick.

01:38:22.000 If you got to rebuild civilization and cannibalize 40 people in the world.

01:38:27.000 Oh, that's it?

01:38:28.000 Yeah, that's it.

01:38:29.000 I probably want to get hit in the head then.

01:38:30.000 You have to fuck your sister in order to make people. 0.97

01:38:32.000 Oh, I don't have one, thank God.

01:38:36.000 What do you do if it's just you and your sister and you're the only two people alive?

01:38:40.000 I'd want to get hit in the head for sure.

01:38:42.000 But if you are alive right now and she's alive and she wants to stay alive and you're like, look, there's only one way we can make more people.

01:38:48.000 And just have people with that.

01:38:49.000 Don't you have kids with Down syndrome and shit?

01:38:51.000 Not yet.

01:38:51.000 I think it takes a while.

01:38:52.000 It takes a few generations.

01:38:53.000 But even worse than that, you bang each other and then you have to bang your kids.

01:38:58.000 Or the kids have to bang each other. 0.97

01:38:59.000 The kids have to bang.

01:39:00.000 Because otherwise, that's it.

01:39:00.000 Right?

01:39:02.000 It stops right there.

01:39:03.000 So then it has to be, it's got to get to a certain point where there's like 30 or 40 people.

01:39:07.000 Everyone's fucking their kids.

01:39:08.000 Then you have to make new rules.

01:39:10.000 Okay?

01:39:10.000 Look.

01:39:11.000 You got plenty of people.

01:39:12.000 You can't fuck your kids anymore.

01:39:13.000 Now your kids are going to have to fuck my sister. 1.00

01:39:15.000 By the way, this is how it used to be, guys.

01:39:17.000 We can do it.

01:39:18.000 What?

01:39:18.000 When was this?

01:39:19.000 400 years ago, before the big rock from the sky shut off the power.

01:39:23.000 I can't fucking kill the Wi-Fi.

01:39:25.000 But my sister's hot. 1.00

01:39:27.000 You know, they be shit like that.

01:39:29.000 You imagine it's forbidden now, but your mom and dad were brother and sister.

01:39:29.000 I know.

01:39:33.000 You like that?

01:39:35.000 You guys are fucking hypocrites.

01:39:37.000 That sounds like a fucking Hulu series.

01:39:39.000 That was fun.

01:39:41.000 I was thinking of the Hallmark channel.

01:39:43.000 Yeah.

01:39:43.000 Nah, Hulu.

01:39:44.000 Then you get to see like tits and shit in it. 1.00

01:39:46.000 You know what I mean?

01:39:47.000 Yeah.

01:39:48.000 Yeah.

01:39:49.000 Do you remember that movie, Brown Bunny, where Vincent Gallo?

01:39:52.000 I saw it in the theater, and I brought my ex-wife.

01:39:56.000 Did you know what it was?

01:39:57.000 Yes, and she didn't.

01:39:58.000 And she was like, what is it?

01:39:59.000 And I was like, it's going to be good.

01:40:00.000 Let's go because I love Vincent Gallo.

01:40:02.000 And I went to, and when she sucks his dick in the movie, my ex goes like this. 1.00

01:40:08.000 Oh, it's a porn.

01:40:12.000 And I laughed.

01:40:13.000 I laughed.

01:40:14.000 What's crazy is it's a whole movie with one scene and it doesn't matter.

01:40:19.000 It's still a porn.

01:40:19.000 I know.

01:40:20.000 Yeah, I know.

01:40:21.000 Isn't that hilarious?

01:40:22.000 Yeah.

01:40:23.000 I like anything Vincent Gello does.

01:40:25.000 He's so fucking weird.

01:40:26.000 That's really kind of crazy, though, right?

01:40:28.000 Like if you have a movie.

01:40:30.000 One sex. 0.98

01:40:31.000 Yeah.

01:40:32.000 If you have a movie where everything is like hilarious, but then someone dies.

01:40:38.000 Like a lot of comedies.

01:40:39.000 Like someone dies.

01:40:40.000 You don't say it's a murder movie.

01:40:42.000 Right.

01:40:43.000 It's still a comedy.

01:40:44.000 It's a comedy.

01:40:44.000 But if you had Harrison Ford, Kate Blanchette, in a gripping thriller, and then at the end, they fuck and you see in-and-out dick shots like that, it's a porn.

01:40:55.000 It's a porn.

01:40:57.000 You can't not call it a porn.

01:40:59.000 It just is.

01:41:00.000 That's hilarious.

01:41:00.000 That's weird, right?

01:41:01.000 It's funny that, like, no matter what else happens.

01:41:03.000 You have a second form pulling out and coming on her chest. 0.99

01:41:05.000 Yeah.

01:41:07.000 You can't do that.

01:41:09.000 You can have a scene where you see them, there's like curtains, you see them through, you see his ass.

01:41:14.000 You see his ass.

01:41:15.000 You can see his ass.

01:41:16.000 Her legs wrap around.

01:41:17.000 As long as it's tastefully done.

01:41:18.000 She's kissing.

01:41:19.000 But if you actually see a penis and a vagina. 1.00

01:41:23.000 Or a penis and a mouth. 0.99

01:41:25.000 It has to be in it, though, right?

01:41:26.000 Even if you see a penis and a vagina, it's not porn.

01:41:28.000 Do you ever see House of Cards?

01:41:29.000 No.

01:41:29.000 There's a scene in House of Cards where the president, spoiler alert, is going down on a reporter.

01:41:35.000 And he's eating this reporter's box.

01:41:38.000 And like, his face is right on her box.

01:41:42.000 But it doesn't show up.

01:41:42.000 She's on the phone with her dad.

01:41:44.000 It's rough.

01:41:45.000 Netflix will fucking show whatever.

01:41:47.000 They don't give a fuck.

01:41:48.000 They'll be like, you'll watch the fucking The Ranch with Ashton Kutcher and you'll be like, you have his dick.

01:41:53.000 Yeah, right?

01:41:54.000 It's just like weird.

01:41:55.000 Yeah, you can do anything.

01:41:56.000 I showed my dick in my special.

01:41:57.000 Did you?

01:41:58.000 How many times?

01:41:59.000 Just four.

01:42:00.000 Wow, that's a lot.

01:42:01.000 I did it all in the beginning, though.

01:42:02.000 That's a lot for you for an hour.

01:42:04.000 So you know how I do it at the comedy store.

01:42:05.000 I guess once you get ramped up, you know you're doing a special.

01:42:10.000 I probably should have done it maybe once or twice.

01:42:12.000 But I was excited.

01:42:13.000 It was in Canada.

01:42:14.000 Oh, in Canada, you could show your dick freely.

01:42:16.000 Yeah.

01:42:17.000 Everybody's French.

01:42:18.000 Yeah, you can apparently walk around Toronto with your breasts out. 1.00

01:42:22.000 So there was this video that was released online earlier today of this woman activist who was being interviewed by this guy, and she says it's totally legal to take your top off.

01:42:33.000 So she takes her top off, and she's a feminist. 1.00

01:42:37.000 Almost immediately after she takes her top off, this dude, this black guy sneaks, I don't know why I had to say black guy, but said it in a different way. 0.99

01:42:43.000 Because they're brazen when they hit on girls. 0.98

01:42:44.000 Sneaks behind her and grabs her tits from behind. 1.00

01:42:47.000 Yes.

01:42:48.000 And she screams at them and they scream at him and they blurred the black guy's face out, which is kind of funny. 0.97

01:42:52.000 But they didn't blur the titties out, huh?

01:42:54.000 They didn't blur them titties out.

01:42:55.000 Interesting.

01:42:57.000 That's very racist.

01:42:58.000 Blur the black guy's face, but not the titties. 0.99

01:43:00.000 Well, I think because whoever put the video out doesn't want that guy to get implicated for a crime.

01:43:05.000 Even though he committed one.

01:43:06.000 I just found it.

01:43:07.000 Yeah.

01:43:07.000 You just found it?

01:43:08.000 Want to see it?

01:43:08.000 Here, watch this.

01:43:09.000 So she's yelling at this dude.

01:43:11.000 So she's yelling, and she takes her top off. 1.00

01:43:14.000 Look, you see her full breasts. 1.00

01:43:16.000 Now watch this dude with the blurred out face.

01:43:18.000 He comes up behind her.

01:43:19.000 Oh, shit.

01:43:21.000 Ah!

01:43:21.000 And everybody's like, no, no, you do not.

01:43:25.000 You do not do that.

01:43:27.000 And they even lose track of him.

01:43:29.000 He's sort of lingering in the background.

01:43:30.000 They're infighting with each other now.

01:43:32.000 Damn, he was.

01:43:33.000 They're all so confused.

01:43:34.000 I got to tell you, he was smooth as fuck the way he did that shit.

01:43:36.000 Well, he's probably met girls like that before. 0.55

01:43:38.000 Next thing you know, old Jed's a millionaire.

01:43:40.000 Gobble, gobble.

01:43:41.000 Look at him smooth.

01:43:43.000 Hey, let me just grab a pan today.

01:43:44.000 And she's like pointing her finger at him.

01:43:46.000 He walked up like a landing.

01:43:47.000 He's like, the body snatcher.

01:43:51.000 But what are they arguing about?

01:43:53.000 What the fuck's going on here?

01:43:54.000 Oh, who cares?

01:43:55.000 They're arguing because they were poorly parented.

01:43:58.000 They never learned how to.

01:43:59.000 This guy's got a microphone.

01:44:01.000 The whole thing's ridiculous.

01:44:02.000 These are just people today, people who are losing their fucking minds.

01:44:06.000 This is the shit that they will play for future generations when they talk about the downfall of modern Western society.

01:44:12.000 They'll play this kind of shit when young kids were just so soft and living a life so easy.

01:44:18.000 They look for microaggressions at every turn.

01:44:22.000 And then also girls pull their titties out and guys grab them because that's what some dudes do. 1.00

01:44:27.000 You can't just pull your titties out in front of some dudes.

01:44:29.000 That girl's still walking around with her titties out, right? 1.00

01:44:31.000 Yeah, yeah, I think so.

01:44:33.000 Super impressive.

01:44:34.000 So far, only one grab.

01:44:36.000 Yeah, that's amazing so far, but that's just because all those other people are around.

01:44:39.000 Yeah.

01:44:40.000 Realize the danger.

01:44:42.000 People will make you act different.

01:44:44.000 Isn't that the thing in New York City?

01:44:45.000 You can walk out with your...

01:44:48.000 I think you can walk around with your tools.

01:44:49.000 Men can have the shirts off. 0.98

01:44:50.000 I think women do it most places. 1.00

01:44:52.000 Most places.

01:44:52.000 For women, yeah.

01:44:53.000 Where do you think it's illegal to go topless? 0.97

01:44:55.000 If you had a guess.

01:44:56.000 Well, you can't do it in L.A. Wouldn't it be funny if it was Vegas?

01:45:00.000 Can't do it in L.A.?

01:45:01.000 I don't think so.

01:45:03.000 I wonder if you can.

01:45:04.000 I mean, if they can...

01:45:08.000 They can, but that's different.

01:45:09.000 Yeah, it's different.

01:45:10.000 But like, a guy can pretty much everywhere.

01:45:12.000 Everywhere.

01:45:13.000 Toppless, yeah.

01:45:13.000 Yeah, a guy can walk down the street.

01:45:15.000 I wonder what, like, if there's a certain time of night where they'll arrest you.

01:45:18.000 Like, if you have no shirt on and it's midnight.

01:45:21.000 In LA?

01:45:21.000 Yeah, the cop might arrest you.

01:45:23.000 Like, dude, what are you doing?

01:45:24.000 Like, why don't you have a shirt on?

01:45:25.000 But if it's, like, noon and you have no shirt on.

01:45:25.000 Right?

01:45:28.000 You're sunbathing.

01:45:29.000 Yeah, you're just hanging out.

01:45:30.000 I'm just trying to catch some race.

01:45:31.000 He's just a chilly dude.

01:45:33.000 Right?

01:45:34.000 Right?

01:45:35.000 But if it's like 7 a.m., like, what's this derelict doing with no shirt on?

01:45:38.000 They would definitely keep an eye on you.

01:45:40.000 Unless you're jogging.

01:45:41.000 Then you're like, this guy's an athlete.

01:45:42.000 Dude, that's really funny.

01:45:43.000 That's like a Carlin bit or some shit, probably.

01:45:45.000 It's true.

01:45:46.000 There's a certain amount of time.

01:45:47.000 As long as you're running to have a shirt off.

01:45:50.000 If you got 7 a.m., as long as you're running.

01:45:53.000 Yeah, if it's 5 a.m., you probably should put a hoodie on just to let people know you're serious.

01:45:57.000 Because if you have no shirt on at 5 a.m., like, did you just have no shirt on and start running?

01:46:01.000 Yeah, if you're running with no shirt on at 5 a.m., someone's chasing you.

01:46:05.000 Yeah, and probably you didn't start running at 5 a.m. and keep running to 7.30.

01:46:10.000 If someone sees you at 7.30, they assume you just started.

01:46:12.000 They assume you've been running since you left the club.

01:46:15.000 Right.

01:46:16.000 So basically, well.

01:46:18.000 He's running a marathon right after you got out of the club.

01:46:21.000 Sobering up as you're running.

01:46:22.000 You got to look down at his shoes.

01:46:23.000 He's got fucking loafers on.

01:46:25.000 Hey, what is going on here?

01:46:26.000 He's still got his drink ticket bracelet.

01:46:28.000 Yes, bracelet.

01:46:30.000 His eyes showed my ID bracelet.

01:46:32.000 And then he still has the sunglasses on from last night to be cool, but now they're functional.

01:46:40.000 That's so perfect.

01:46:41.000 Okay.

01:46:42.000 Yeah, what a douche move wearing sunglasses outside at night.

01:46:46.000 Nothing worse.

01:46:46.000 Bro, fashion-wise, nothing worse.

01:46:49.000 It is so douchey.

01:46:50.000 Yeah.

01:46:50.000 And black guys can pull it off so much better than white guys.

01:46:52.000 I'm not even offended when I see a black guy at a basketball game.

01:46:52.000 Of course.

01:46:56.000 If he's like LL Cool J and he's got sunglasses on.

01:46:59.000 That still bothers me.

01:47:00.000 It doesn't bother me.

01:47:01.000 But if it's a white guy, I'm like, take those fucking things off.

01:47:04.000 What are you doing?

01:47:06.000 It doesn't matter.

01:47:07.000 I'm super racist when it comes to that.

01:47:09.000 When it comes to sunglasses.

01:47:09.000 Sunglasses.

01:47:10.000 Just remember your fucking real racist.

01:47:12.000 The one time I'm racist against white dudes.

01:47:15.000 You've always been racist against white dudes.

01:47:17.000 White dudes with sunglasses.

01:47:18.000 I'm like, E, enough.

01:47:20.000 Yeah.

01:47:21.000 It's dark out.

01:47:22.000 You can see fine.

01:47:24.000 If they're doing TV shows and shit.

01:47:26.000 You know, where you sit on the tonight show and they have a sunglasses.

01:47:29.000 Oh, come on. 0.87

01:47:31.000 I've seen people do that.

01:47:32.000 Yeah.

01:47:32.000 Really?

01:47:33.000 It's like during the time.

01:47:33.000 Do you throw sunglasses on tough crowd?

01:47:36.000 He did on a show about comedians?

01:47:39.000 Yeah.

01:47:40.000 That's ballsy, dude.

01:47:42.000 Didn't work out well.

01:47:43.000 Well, they made fun of him, right?

01:47:44.000 Well, Greg Giraldo shit all over him because they were going back and forth, and every time Greg would say something funny, Dennis would like mock the fact that he was saying something funny.

01:47:52.000 You never seen this?

01:47:53.000 It's one of the weirdest interactions between two comedians ever.

01:47:53.000 No.

01:47:56.000 It's really very odd.

01:47:58.000 Between Giraldo and Leary?

01:47:59.000 Yeah.

01:48:00.000 Oh, man.

01:48:00.000 It's a classic.

01:48:02.000 I gotta watch that.

01:48:02.000 Have you ever seen it?

01:48:03.000 Yeah, no, that's weird.

01:48:04.000 Can we play it or would we get yanked?

01:48:05.000 We get yanked, right?

01:48:06.000 Probably, right?

01:48:07.000 Who even has that anymore?

01:48:08.000 That show was funny, man.

01:48:09.000 It's fucking great.

01:48:10.000 Yeah.

01:48:11.000 Did you do it?

01:48:12.000 I think I did it twice.

01:48:12.000 Yeah, I did it.

01:48:15.000 It was great.

01:48:16.000 It's a fun show.

01:48:17.000 Colin Quinn is the shit.

01:48:18.000 Yeah.

01:48:19.000 It was just a great idea.

01:48:20.000 I mean, it's basically like a podcast on Comedy Central.

01:48:23.000 It was before podcast, yeah.

01:48:24.000 I mean, it really was kind of in some ways like, well, I think the original podcast is Stern Show.

01:48:29.000 And then once the Stern Show went to satellite radio, then it became uncensored.

01:48:35.000 And then Opie and Anthony, sort of same thing.

01:48:37.000 But Opie and Anthony, even more like a podcast because you just shoot the shit.

01:48:41.000 And then Tough Crowd came along, and now it's on Comedy Central.

01:48:45.000 I have no idea why they stopped doing that.

01:48:47.000 Must have been a week, because it was kind of short-lived.

01:48:50.000 Oh, was it?

01:48:50.000 I thought it was.

01:48:52.000 Maybe not.

01:48:52.000 Maybe it was a few.

01:48:53.000 Maybe it was like four or five.

01:48:54.000 Colin Quinn's an interesting dude.

01:48:56.000 He might have just got tired of doing it.

01:48:58.000 I met him in where the fuck was I?

01:49:01.000 Vancouver.

01:49:02.000 Actually, the night I did my special afterwards.

01:49:04.000 And he was just the nicest guy, man.

01:49:07.000 My dad loves him.

01:49:09.000 And he was like, can I meet Colin Quinn?

01:49:10.000 And I was like, yeah, like my dad never.

01:49:12.000 So I got a picture of them two together.

01:49:14.000 It was like a really sweet fucking night.

01:49:15.000 Colin was the nicest.

01:49:17.000 He is one of my best examples that I personally use when I say you have to see someone do stand-up in the flesh, live in the flesh, to understand how funny they are.

01:49:27.000 Like he's one of those guys.

01:49:28.000 Interesting.

01:49:29.000 Because his act is so, it's so absurd.

01:49:32.000 It's so silly and odd.

01:49:34.000 Like you almost have to see him live.

01:49:36.000 And then you want to see a long set.

01:49:38.000 You want to see like a headline set where you see it build up and get weirder.

01:49:42.000 Well, he got a lot of attention for the last special he did, I know.

01:49:44.000 He's funny, man.

01:49:45.000 He's a funny fucking dude.

01:49:46.000 He's always been funny.

01:49:48.000 But that show was a great show.

01:49:49.000 How long was it on for, Jamie?

01:49:50.000 Just over just under two years.

01:49:53.000 Nothing.

01:49:54.000 Wow.

01:49:54.000 I would have thought it was like four years.

01:49:56.000 Yeah.

01:49:57.000 Wow.

01:49:58.000 That'd have been a cool show to do.

01:49:59.000 What the fuck happened?

01:50:00.000 Is there a Wikipedia on that show?

01:50:01.000 It must have been a hit.

01:50:02.000 Why did it get canceled?

01:50:04.000 How is it not a hit?

01:50:05.000 Maybe there was just too many shows.

01:50:07.000 Back then there were like a lot of shows though, yeah.

01:50:09.000 And like hits too, I feel like.

01:50:11.000 Well, I guess there's more shows now than ever, though, right?

01:50:14.000 Well, but only because of probably the internet and shit.

01:50:16.000 But there's too many channels.

01:50:18.000 Like when you find out something that's on true TV, like wait, what?

01:50:21.000 Where's that?

01:50:21.000 Right, right.

01:50:22.000 Right, right, right.

01:50:22.000 How do I even find that?

01:50:23.000 Yeah, I know, yeah.

01:50:24.000 What is that?

01:50:25.000 The TV land channel?

01:50:26.000 Do you watch TV?

01:50:27.000 No.

01:50:28.000 I watch Netflix.

01:50:28.000 You don't?

01:50:29.000 And HBO.

01:50:29.000 Right.

01:50:31.000 And occasionally, I watch hunting shows.

01:50:31.000 Right.

01:50:34.000 Right.

01:50:34.000 What do we got here?

01:50:35.000 Does it say why it ended up?

01:50:35.000 What does it say?

01:50:37.000 I got Notes from Comedy Central, the same time that Chappelle show was on.

01:50:41.000 Oh, no.

01:50:42.000 Demograph.

01:50:43.000 I don't know.

01:50:44.000 Oh, so they fucked it up.

01:50:45.000 The executives fucked it up.

01:50:46.000 How weird.

01:50:48.000 Oh, okay.

01:50:49.000 Makes sense.

01:50:49.000 Executive fucked it up.

01:50:51.000 The last show contained a monologue by Quind, who attacked his distractors, such as the New York Times, for being hypocritical and elitist for their negative reviews.

01:51:02.000 He also defined comedic integrity as the ability to critique the hypocrisy of society, but to be honest enough to admit that you are just as guilty of it as anyone else.

01:51:18.000 Yeah.

01:51:19.000 Well, they fucked up.

01:51:22.000 That was a great show.

01:51:22.000 And it could have been an amazing show.

01:51:24.000 Just bring it back.

01:51:24.000 Bring it back, Comedy Central.

01:51:25.000 You need a hit.

01:51:26.000 Canceled audio show.

01:51:26.000 Yeah.

01:51:28.000 And also, also, you can just make it.

01:51:31.000 Well, he probably didn't want to do it now, but yeah.

01:51:33.000 Well, it's just weird, man.

01:51:34.000 They got rid of Moshe Cash's show already, I think.

01:51:36.000 They did?

01:51:37.000 I heard.

01:51:39.000 I fucking jumped the gun on that one, too, I think.

01:51:40.000 Actually, I don't think they...

01:51:43.000 I think it was like somebody else's show, and that exec whoever was running things is gone.

01:51:48.000 Oh, yeah, that shit.

01:51:50.000 I shouldn't even be talking shit.

01:51:51.000 I don't know anything about show business anymore.

01:51:53.000 I'm barely in show business.

01:51:54.000 I'm a non-showbiz entity.

01:51:56.000 I have no idea what's going on.

01:51:58.000 Except Ari getting fired from companies such as with the show, the storytelling show.

01:52:03.000 Ken Talk.

01:52:04.000 Oh, okay.

01:52:05.000 Maybe you're wrong, though, you know?

01:52:06.000 No, he's definitely not.

01:52:07.000 I'm just saying.

01:52:07.000 No, I know.

01:52:08.000 Did you do that show?

01:52:09.000 No, no.

01:52:10.000 This is not happening?

01:52:11.000 He always asked me to do it, and I always wanted to do it, but I never had a story that fit the theme.

01:52:14.000 And then I was just like, I don't know how to do it, and I just never ended up doing it.

01:52:18.000 That's the problem.

01:52:18.000 But I think it's a great fucking awesome idea.

01:52:22.000 It's a show designed for Joey Diaz.

01:52:24.000 Yeah.

01:52:25.000 Because Joey Diaz has more stories than any human being that's ever walked the face of the planet.

01:52:29.000 Yeah.

01:52:30.000 But your special is out now.

01:52:33.000 Crystal Leah, are you excited?

01:52:36.000 Man, on fire, I am, yeah.

01:52:38.000 Now, the brazen attempt to craft a new hour.

01:52:41.000 I know.

01:52:42.000 Oh, yeah, it's like, you know, when you start a new one and then it's like, I have like 25 new minutes and I'm like, is this stuff really, though, going to be in my hour?

01:52:49.000 I don't know.

01:52:50.000 You know what I mean?

01:52:50.000 Right.

01:52:51.000 Yeah, you know what I mean?

01:52:51.000 Because in the beginning, you don't know.

01:52:53.000 Do you write down physically?

01:52:55.000 Do you write physically?

01:52:56.000 And I know it's a good idea to do that.

01:52:56.000 Never.

01:53:00.000 It's so much less, it's so much more work for me to know what I'm going to say and get up there and say it than it is to go up with an idea and work it out on stage.

01:53:11.000 And I have so much more fun doing that.

01:53:13.000 You know?

01:53:15.000 Yeah.

01:53:16.000 And for me, I am able to, not to get too heady, but explore that bit way more on stage because I fucking have to in that moment.

01:53:29.000 Because you're trapped.

01:53:30.000 There's 250 people there or seven, even if there's a few.

01:53:30.000 Yeah.

01:53:33.000 But like, yeah.

01:53:36.000 I just like doing that.

01:53:37.000 And that's how I get like, I get like, I have really long bits, you know?

01:53:40.000 So that's how that happens.

01:53:43.000 A lot of people do.

01:53:44.000 I mean, everybody's got their own style.

01:53:46.000 I think the only thing that's really consistent is that you need to pay attention to it.

01:53:51.000 You need to really focus on it.

01:53:52.000 Yeah.

01:53:52.000 Stand-up.

01:53:53.000 That's the only thing that's really how you do it, like whether you do it like in your car while you're driving, you shut the radio off and you just think about it, or whether you do it in front of a computer, or whether you, you know, whatever you do, or you do a lot of sets.

01:53:53.000 Oh, yeah.

01:54:06.000 You do a set of the improv and you set at the store and the set at the factory.

01:54:09.000 It's all just about how much energy, how much focus you put on it.

01:54:14.000 Well, yeah, because if you think about it, really, the amount of time that you're actually doing stand-up is an hour and a half, or unless you're doing two sets a night.

01:54:22.000 That's why weekends are so good, right?

01:54:24.000 You get to do two on Friday and two on Saturday.

01:54:26.000 You do an improv somewhere or something.

01:54:27.000 Yeah.

01:54:28.000 But then, like, I came up with a new bit two weeks ago.

01:54:31.000 That's like a six-minute bit.

01:54:33.000 Oh, Jesus.

01:54:34.000 But it's, you know, it's, I'm finding it.

01:54:36.000 I know.

01:54:37.000 Something happened and now I'm talking about it.

01:54:39.000 The universe opened up.

01:54:41.000 I know.

01:54:42.000 I have an idea for you.

01:54:43.000 I know.

01:54:44.000 It's so awesome when that happens.

01:54:45.000 Crazy, right?

01:54:45.000 And then, so I've been working it, but I've only been really working it on the road.

01:54:48.000 So in my head, I'm like, I have to get to the comedy store to see if it actually works.

01:54:52.000 Right.

01:54:52.000 You got to do that.

01:54:53.000 The OR on a Tuesday night.

01:54:53.000 That's how I feel.

01:54:55.000 Yeah.

01:54:55.000 The OR on a Tuesday night is a perfect defining moment.

01:54:58.000 100%.

01:54:59.000 Because people are like, first of all, still tired from the cocaine they did on Saturday.

01:55:04.000 They're there.

01:55:05.000 They're unimpressed.

01:55:06.000 They're waiting to see if they pass their audition.

01:55:09.000 100%.

01:55:10.000 Or a lot of them are fucking Russian.

01:55:13.000 You know what I mean?

01:55:14.000 A lot of people have been flying to the store.

01:55:17.000 Why wouldn't they?

01:55:18.000 Just to check out the lineups.

01:55:19.000 Dude, why wouldn't they?

01:55:20.000 Those lineups are fucking unbelievable.

01:55:22.000 It's crazy, right?

01:55:23.000 Yeah.

01:55:24.000 It's kind of confusing.

01:55:25.000 It is confusing.

01:55:26.000 Remember how it used to be?

01:55:27.000 Yes.

01:55:28.000 Dude.

01:55:30.000 When I first got there, nobody was hit.

01:55:34.000 I mean, they were doing well, but they would do well on stage, but nobody knew who they were.

01:55:39.000 We got to show more love to the Laugh Factory.

01:55:41.000 We got to keep that fucking place alive.

01:55:42.000 It'll be alive.

01:55:43.000 Yeah.

01:55:44.000 I mean, I like going there.

01:55:46.000 I do too.

01:55:46.000 I'm there Wednesday.

01:55:47.000 Wednesday night.

01:55:47.000 Me too.

01:55:48.000 Cheap plug.

01:55:49.000 10 p.m.

01:55:49.000 We are.

01:55:49.000 Oh, that's right.

01:55:50.000 Wednesday of the Laugh Factory Legends.

01:55:52.000 Me, you, Crystalia.

01:55:53.000 Who else?

01:55:55.000 Is Theo on that?

01:55:56.000 I think Theo's on that show.

01:55:57.000 I don't know.

01:55:58.000 It's a good show, though.

01:56:00.000 A lot of funny people on it.

01:56:01.000 What else going on?

01:56:01.000 Yeah.

01:56:02.000 Anything?

01:56:03.000 I have this pitch up.

01:56:05.000 Should we keep going?

01:56:05.000 I don't know.

01:56:06.000 It's up to you, man.

01:56:07.000 How long have we been doing it anyway?

01:56:08.000 Two hours.

01:56:09.000 Really?

01:56:09.000 That went quick.

01:56:10.000 Come on, Duber.

01:56:11.000 Fucking bad.

01:56:11.000 Bro, what are we?

01:56:12.000 Professional talking?

01:56:13.000 Professionals.

01:56:14.000 That's what we do, bro.

01:56:15.000 That's what we do, bro.

01:56:19.000 As I was saying, it's good to come back because when I first did the first one, I fucking barely knew you and I was intimidated.

01:56:25.000 And now, at least we're friends and shit.

01:56:27.000 And the baby Jesus.

01:56:28.000 We could just bullshit.

01:56:29.000 But I still get people that are like, hey, man, saw you on Rogan.

01:56:34.000 And I'm like, Jesus Christ, that's fucking awesome.

01:56:36.000 Do you ever think when a guy's talking to you like that that really just doesn't know what to say and he really wants to blow you?

01:56:42.000 Maybe.

01:56:44.000 That actually explains a lot what happened afterwards.

01:56:48.000 Like the kind of shit.

01:56:49.000 That's what I'd say to a girl. 0.99

01:56:50.000 Hey, saw you on Two Broke Girls. 1.00

01:56:53.000 Fucking funny.

01:56:54.000 I would love if you did an episode of Two Broke Girls, by the way. 0.95

01:56:57.000 That's Whitney's show. 1.00

01:56:57.000 I would do it. 1.00

01:56:58.000 Well, it's not on anymore, but.

01:57:00.000 Oh, I didn't even know.

01:57:02.000 No, no, it literally got canceled like two months ago, maybe.

01:57:04.000 What was it like?

01:57:05.000 I don't even know what it was about.

01:57:07.000 Two broke girls, bro. 1.00

01:57:08.000 But why would it be funny if I did an episode?

01:57:10.000 Because why the fuck you would never do that?

01:57:13.000 What do you mean?

01:57:14.000 I mean, if you'd be like, Joe Rogan did that?

01:57:15.000 Why?

01:57:16.000 For a goof. 0.98

01:57:17.000 Yeah.

01:57:17.000 I'd do it for Whitney.

01:57:19.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah, you would.

01:57:20.000 But are you still tight with her?

01:57:21.000 Yeah, she's great.

01:57:22.000 But then you should do, then not, not, you should, you should ask your agent.

01:57:27.000 You don't even have one, right?

01:57:28.000 I have an agent.

01:57:29.000 So you should ask your agent.

01:57:29.000 Okay.

01:57:31.000 You would be one of those guys to be like, nah, fuck agents.

01:57:33.000 I should get rid of one eventually.

01:57:34.000 So you should ask your agent to find one episode to do one.

01:57:39.000 Like, I would love it if you did one episode of like CSI, like the New Orleans one.

01:57:45.000 Like, not even the one that's like the, you know what I mean?

01:57:48.000 Not even like the one, but like, but one episode in like three scenes.

01:57:52.000 That would be fucking hilarious.

01:57:54.000 Being interrogated.

01:57:58.000 You, and not even like promote it and then be like, what the fuck is Joe Rogan doing?

01:58:03.000 And you're like, I don't know where I, you know, I didn't mean to.

01:58:05.000 I hit her too hard.

01:58:06.000 You know, like, it'd be fucking hilarious.

01:58:10.000 How many of those fucking crime shows can they have?

01:58:12.000 At what point in time do the network executives go, we got to stop?

01:58:16.000 I don't know.

01:58:18.000 That's all it is is murder.

01:58:19.000 Unbelievable.

01:58:21.000 When did we get this murder fetish?

01:58:23.000 This fucking crime scene investigation fetish.

01:58:26.000 The only ones I like are the forensic files, the ones where they reenact it and they show.

01:58:30.000 Yeah.

01:58:31.000 Yeah, those are real stories.

01:58:32.000 I watched so many of those.

01:58:34.000 When Marvin Hutchingson came home early that evening to find his girlfriend in bed with his brother.

01:58:41.000 Yeah.

01:58:42.000 Just always arrest the spouse because it's them.

01:58:44.000 Always.

01:58:45.000 And they always go to the most extreme lengths where it's like, just arrest that person and then check.

01:58:52.000 Sometimes it's the creepy guy at work that's in love with the woman.

01:58:55.000 But very rarely.

01:58:56.000 Yeah, you're right.

01:58:58.000 But those, I've watched so much forensic files.

01:59:01.000 Because by the way, when you're on the road, HLN, the network, it's just forensic files all day long.

01:59:06.000 Really?

01:59:07.000 Yeah, it's like, and then Nancy Grace for an hour.

01:59:09.000 Did it used to be headline news?

01:59:11.000 I guess.

01:59:11.000 I don't know.

01:59:12.000 Is that what that HLN stands for?

01:59:13.000 Yeah, they give up on whatever their format is, like country music television.

01:59:17.000 Yeah.

01:59:17.000 They're like, yeah, we're going to do fucking drag races now.

01:59:22.000 We're going to have a bass fishing competition.

01:59:24.000 What?

01:59:24.000 Wait a minute.

01:59:25.000 Come hold the guitar.

01:59:25.000 I thought you were just going to be a little bit more.

01:59:26.000 No, no.

01:59:27.000 We're going to give Josh Wolf a show.

01:59:29.000 What?

01:59:29.000 But he's not a country guy.

01:59:31.000 Yeah.

01:59:32.000 I watched so much of that that I'll see the same murder on the different episodes.

01:59:37.000 Like Forensic Falls will do it, and then I'll be watching Snap, and I'll be like, oh, I saw this one on Forensic Falls.

01:59:41.000 Oh, like a different reaction.

01:59:42.000 And they all have their own reenactment of that.

01:59:43.000 Because it's the show.

01:59:44.000 It's right, because it's topic.

01:59:46.000 It's not their subject.

01:59:47.000 It's not like they wrote it.

01:59:48.000 Yeah, they have to allow another guy to do another recreation.

01:59:51.000 They probably cheat.

01:59:53.000 Like, go over each other's stuff.

01:59:55.000 Did you get some of your footage?

01:59:56.000 See, what they did there.

01:59:58.000 I like the angle they chose.

01:59:59.000 Yeah.

01:59:59.000 They show the murder.

02:00:02.000 There's a really good one on, I don't know what channel, probably the ID channel, but See No Evil.

02:00:09.000 And they go through, like with forensic files, all they do is they work out who did the crime with forensics.

02:00:16.000 But on this one, they find out who did the crime only using the security footage.

02:00:20.000 And it's really creepy and really interesting because you'll see a guy walk into the elevator and then leave with a briefcase and shit or like a suitcase and the body's in there.

02:00:29.000 And you're like, oh, fuck.

02:00:30.000 It's really creepy because it's real footage.

02:00:32.000 Damn.

02:00:33.000 See no evil.

02:00:33.000 Yeah.

02:00:34.000 Yeah, when you see a real body, even if it's like through a security camera, someone clubs somebody over the head and drags them backwards.

02:00:41.000 Like, ooh, that's a real body, man.

02:00:44.000 Like, what I don't understand is like heat of the moment murders, I guess I can wrap my head around because it's like, you just got so mad at the person and it happened.

02:00:55.000 But like to plan it and think, oh, good, I'm going to make 20 grand off this for the life insurance and to think you're not going to get caught is like you're going to get caught.

02:01:08.000 Yeah, people get caught, but people are stupid as fuck, dude.

02:01:12.000 There's a lot of people out there that lie so much that they don't have a connection to reality.

02:01:18.000 They've severed their tether to reality.

02:01:21.000 So they think they can bullshit people all the time.

02:01:25.000 And they think that they can sort of con artist people all the time.

02:01:28.000 I knew a guy like that.

02:01:29.000 Brian Kell.

02:01:30.000 I'm crazy with you.

02:01:30.000 No, I'm kidding.

02:01:31.000 I'm coming.

02:01:32.000 This guy was a fake Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu black belt.

02:01:35.000 What do you mean, fake?

02:01:36.000 Fake.

02:01:37.000 He wasn't really a Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu black belt.

02:01:38.000 Told everybody he was.

02:01:40.000 And this is the early days of Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu black belts where there weren't a lot of them.

02:01:44.000 So you could almost kind of get away with it.

02:01:47.000 Like, people didn't know.

02:01:47.000 And then he said, like, oh, it was like a Japanese jiu-jitsu.

02:01:50.000 I was a Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu.

02:01:51.000 I'm not really like a black belt, black belt.

02:01:53.000 Yeah, yeah.

02:01:54.000 Changed his name.

02:01:56.000 I forget his real name.

02:01:57.000 Because he got caught?

02:01:57.000 It was like Rafael.

02:01:58.000 No, no, no.

02:01:59.000 Made a fake name.

02:02:00.000 Made a fake Brazilian name.

02:02:02.000 Damian Monroe.

02:02:03.000 Raphael Torre.

02:02:04.000 Close.

02:02:05.000 So he was friends with Eddie.

02:02:07.000 And he was banging this married chick and killed her husband.

02:02:13.000 Brought him to the gym and strangled her. 0.92

02:02:16.000 Killed her with like, killed him rather.

02:02:19.000 Killed him.

02:02:19.000 Did I say her?

02:02:20.000 He's a fake black belt. 0.50

02:02:20.000 I didn't say her. 0.50

02:02:22.000 The fake black belt killed the husband of the wife that he was banging and killed him and then got caught. 0.97

02:02:31.000 And he tried to get this other dude that I know that's an MMA fighter, tried to get him to kill him.

02:02:37.000 Tried to offer him some money.

02:02:38.000 And he was driving the dude's car around after he killed him.

02:02:41.000 What a micron.

02:02:42.000 Dude, drove the dude's car, got seen driving the guy's car in a small town after he killed him.

02:02:49.000 Yeah, so he's in jail now.

02:02:51.000 But he went to the woods and with a bag, like a big ass fucking duffel bag, and told his friend, hey man, drop me off.

02:03:00.000 I'm going to a secret no rules kumbite karate tournament in the woods.

02:03:05.000 And his friend's like, oh, okay.

02:03:06.000 So this fucking dude goes into the woods, okay, with a bag, like with a bag that like you would fit a trophy in, okay?

02:03:13.000 Comes out of the woods the next day with a trophy.

02:03:19.000 So he opens the bag, pulls his fucking trophy out, and says, hey man, I won this karate tournament in the woods.

02:03:24.000 Oh my God.

02:03:26.000 This guy is insane.

02:03:28.000 I mean, he's literally insane.

02:03:29.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

02:03:30.000 He's in jail for being insane.

02:03:32.000 Yeah.

02:03:34.000 Dude, he went, he could put a fucking trophy in the bag.

02:03:37.000 He's like, no one's going to suspect this.

02:03:39.000 They're totally going to forget about this.

02:03:41.000 Yeah, that's one of those things where it's like, this is so crazy.

02:03:43.000 There's no way no one's going to believe it.

02:03:44.000 Everyone's going to believe it because why the fuck would I make it up?

02:03:47.000 He says, drop me off in the woods, bro.

02:03:49.000 The secret karate kumite in the woods.

02:03:51.000 This is back in the day.

02:03:53.000 It's like in the early 90s, man.

02:03:53.000 So what did you see?

02:03:55.000 Can you just believe that?

02:03:55.000 He just sat out in the woods.

02:03:56.000 Probably camped.

02:03:57.000 Probably maybe marshmallows.

02:04:00.000 Probably had a bunch of soup.

02:04:02.000 Oodles and noodles.

02:04:03.000 Can't wait to show this to my friend.

02:04:04.000 It's a famous story.

02:04:05.000 Whoa.

02:04:06.000 I never heard that.

02:04:07.000 So check this out.

02:04:09.000 I was talking to this guy, Gerald, my friend Gerald, who was the guy that wound up testifying against him that he tried to pay him to murder him.

02:04:20.000 I was talking to him about it on the phone, and the phone was being tapped.

02:04:24.000 So then the cops call me up, and they say, hey, what do you know about this?

02:04:28.000 I was like, I'll tell you everything I know, but I don't know shit.

02:04:31.000 But he had already been arrested, and it was already like a thing where they're going to trial.

02:04:34.000 But I'm like, all I know is that he is a fake black belt who lied about a lot of shit. 0.99

02:04:38.000 Oh, God.

02:04:39.000 I mean, at the time, I didn't even know whether or not he really killed the guy.

02:04:42.000 He was so full of shit.

02:04:44.000 If he told you that he killed his wife's husband, you'd be like, what?

02:04:48.000 Yeah.

02:04:49.000 Yeah, just like you won the karate kumite, just like you're resigned to the black belt.

02:04:52.000 It's so hard to tell with a guy like that.

02:04:54.000 Yeah.

02:04:55.000 But then the dude turned out to be dead.

02:04:58.000 I was like, wow.

02:04:59.000 You pretty much never can trust somebody who brings a trophy out of the woods.

02:05:02.000 I mean, can you imagine the idea that you're going to take this fucking duffel bag, put a trophy inside of it, and no one's going to notice when you come back to the duffel bag's missing?

02:05:11.000 That's really funny.

02:05:12.000 The duffel bag's this big now.

02:05:14.000 It's like shaped like a trophy.

02:05:16.000 You can see the fucking fists like the Raji statue.

02:05:20.000 This fucking guy.

02:05:22.000 Wow.

02:05:23.000 But there was a lot of that back then, man.

02:05:25.000 There was a lot of fake martial artists.

02:05:27.000 It was like super common.

02:05:28.000 They still to this day.

02:05:29.000 They'll catch a guy who's a fake black belt. 0.96

02:05:32.000 Yeah, a white belt, like put a black belt on and go to a new school, but he really doesn't know anything.

02:05:35.000 I can't remember what.

02:05:36.000 But you're going to get exposed.

02:05:37.000 In jiu-jitsu, yes.

02:05:37.000 Why would you do that?

02:05:38.000 But in other martial arts, no, it's because they're mentally ill.

02:05:41.000 It's always because they're mentally ill.

02:05:43.000 And this guy, Rafael Torrey, actually had a fake fight.

02:05:46.000 He had a fixed fight on King of the Cage with one of his students.

02:05:50.000 So he actually had a professional MMA fight.

02:05:52.000 And you know how my friend Eddie knew that he was full of shit?

02:05:54.000 No, Eddie knew he was full of shit?

02:05:56.000 Because Eddie taught him this super complicated move called the Twister.

02:06:01.000 And Twister is Eddie's signature move.

02:06:03.000 And it's basically the guillotine or the guillotine from wrestling with a couple added twists in the way he secures the finish.

02:06:12.000 Eddie has like a very specific way of S-gripping the top of the head and also locking down the opposite far side leg.

02:06:19.000 So when he does it, it's like a terrible position to be in.

02:06:22.000 And he's crushing your fucking neck.

02:06:24.000 You're getting all yanked up.

02:06:25.000 It's really rough.

02:06:26.000 It's really hard to deal with.

02:06:28.000 And it's hard to pull off on people.

02:06:30.000 Super hard to pull off.

02:06:32.000 Like, just even to set it up and then to roll into it.

02:06:34.000 You have to be a, you could get a Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu black belt, who's a high-level black belt, and you could teach him how to do it.

02:06:40.000 And you could probably pull it off on someone just because he understands how to move his body in a grappling scenario.

02:06:44.000 But for a guy like him, who wasn't really a black belt, was really, really clunky. 1.00

02:06:48.000 He went to Thailand and fought in some MMA fight.

02:06:51.000 He's like, dude, hey, man, I won in Thailand.

02:06:53.000 I pulled off the twister.

02:06:55.000 And Eddie hung up the phone.

02:06:56.000 He's like, what?

02:06:57.000 Right, right, right.

02:06:57.000 He's like, huh?

02:06:59.000 What?

02:07:00.000 He's like, dude, I think something's full.

02:07:02.000 He's got to be full of shit.

02:07:03.000 And Eddie was like high as fuck while we were having this conversation.

02:07:06.000 He's like, dude, you can't tell me he did that.

02:07:08.000 I can't believe he did that.

02:07:10.000 And so I was with Eddie in the car when he confronted him about being a fake black belt.

02:07:18.000 He confronted him.

02:07:19.000 Was the three of you in the car?

02:07:20.000 Eddie was on the phone.

02:07:20.000 No.

02:07:22.000 And I was driving.

02:07:23.000 And Eddie was right next to me in the passenger seat.

02:07:28.000 And he was confronting him about it.

02:07:32.000 And the guy was like, no, I really am.

02:07:35.000 I really am.

02:07:36.000 And then, like, cut to six months later, the dude's in jail for murder.

02:07:41.000 It's crazy.

02:07:42.000 So, by the way, this is a fake name.

02:07:42.000 So here's him.

02:07:45.000 Right.

02:07:45.000 His real name is.

02:07:46.000 That's him?

02:07:47.000 Yep.

02:07:47.000 That's him.

02:07:48.000 So the other dude was like his student.

02:07:51.000 So this is the fake fight.

02:07:53.000 Yeah, this is a fake fight.

02:07:54.000 So he organizes.

02:07:55.000 I mean, this guy had gotten deep into the world, man.

02:07:58.000 How did he get it?

02:07:59.000 I mean, he had a few martial arts skills.

02:08:01.000 He wasn't totally unskilled.

02:08:02.000 Right, right, right, right.

02:08:03.000 This is it?

02:08:04.000 Yeah, this is it.

02:08:05.000 So he's on the bottom here.

02:08:06.000 And this dude's on top of the bottom.

02:08:07.000 You can already tell that he's not.

02:08:09.000 Well, they're not really hurting each other.

02:08:11.000 You know, he's just pushing them.

02:08:13.000 It's really funny, man.

02:08:15.000 Like, these guys are acting here.

02:08:17.000 Like, he hits them with a couple of punches, but not hard.

02:08:20.000 You know?

02:08:21.000 I mean, this is like some pro wrestling shit.

02:08:23.000 So he takes him down, steps over the leg, and the guy's punching him.

02:08:29.000 But these are nothing punches, man.

02:08:31.000 It's like nothing to this.

02:08:32.000 And this is, you know for a fact this is.

02:08:35.000 Wow.

02:08:36.000 Everybody knows.

02:08:37.000 This is like, they tried to make it what you call a hard shoot, you know, where you make it look real, like pro wrestling style.

02:08:44.000 So then he just drops down and gets that leg and he's tapping.

02:08:47.000 He's tapping like right away.

02:08:48.000 Go back up a little so you could see the setup because the setup is like, what?

02:08:52.000 Like here, he just grabs it.

02:08:54.000 I mean, that is so bad.

02:08:55.000 It's so bad.

02:08:56.000 He's so high up on the knee that he wouldn't even be putting pressure on the knee because he's not controlling the lower leg or the upper leg rather.

02:09:03.000 He's pulling on the lower leg.

02:09:04.000 But watch that again.

02:09:05.000 Like when he's pulling on the upper leg, look at the gap.

02:09:09.000 Yeah, you could tell he's not a black belt doing that. 0.97

02:09:09.000 Watch when he goes. 0.97

02:09:11.000 No, no, super sloppy.

02:09:13.000 So bad.

02:09:13.000 Big, big.

02:09:14.000 Look at that big, giant gap.

02:09:15.000 And see where he's yanking?

02:09:16.000 The dude's already tapping.

02:09:18.000 He doesn't have control of the upper leg at all.

02:09:20.000 He's just pulling on the shin.

02:09:22.000 Like, literally, his ass is where the knee is. 0.73

02:09:24.000 And he's pulling on the shin, which means he wouldn't even be putting pressure on the knee.

02:09:28.000 It's such horse shit.

02:09:29.000 And this guy's like, oh, my God, he wrecked my knee.

02:09:32.000 It was a total fake fight.

02:09:34.000 Yeah, so that guy went on to be a murderer.

02:09:34.000 Whoa.

02:09:37.000 I think he might be like up for parole soon or something.

02:09:39.000 Dude, people are- Dude, that's the crazy thing.

02:09:45.000 People get out of jail for murder.

02:09:47.000 You go to jail for murder in your life.

02:09:49.000 Is that the trophy he had in the bag, by the way?

02:09:50.000 No, that's a new one.

02:09:51.000 That's amazing.

02:09:52.000 He's got two?

02:09:52.000 He's got two now, bro.

02:09:54.000 That one he did on TV.

02:09:55.000 How crazy is that?

02:09:56.000 Yeah, that's crazy.

02:09:57.000 I mean, people have pulled off some sloppy ass knee bars. 0.84

02:10:00.000 Don't get me wrong.

02:10:00.000 But I know for a fact that's fake.

02:10:02.000 Yeah.

02:10:03.000 Yeah, nuts, yeah, dude.

02:10:06.000 Nutty people, dude.

02:10:08.000 But that's the real nutty thing is like people trying to concoct an artificial identity.

02:10:14.000 Like, my dad's Brazilian, my name is Damian Monroe.

02:10:19.000 People are just so afraid of people are just so afraid of being nothing.

02:10:27.000 You know what I mean?

02:10:28.000 Is that it?

02:10:28.000 Or does he identify with a half-Brazilian Brazilian jiu-jitsu black belt?

02:10:33.000 Maybe we let him just be who he is.

02:10:35.000 That's who he identifies with.

02:10:36.000 How much different is that than identify with being a six-year-old girl?

02:10:39.000 It's only different when you get your ass kicked.

02:10:42.000 Well, if you're a six-year-old girl and you go to school with my kid and it turns out you're 50, I might beat your ass. 0.99

02:10:49.000 You better also be a black belt.

02:10:50.000 I might not trust you.

02:10:52.000 Maybe.

02:10:52.000 I might start asking you some questions.

02:10:54.000 Like, he had an adopted mommy and daddy.

02:10:56.000 Yes, I saw that.

02:10:56.000 Did you see that?

02:10:57.000 I'm starting to think we're getting trolled.

02:10:59.000 Maybe.

02:10:59.000 I'm trying to think that's not even real.

02:11:01.000 Everything's a South Park episode now.

02:11:03.000 That's what it feels like.

02:11:04.000 It feels like it's writing itself.

02:11:07.000 It does.

02:11:10.000 Who'd you vote for?

02:11:10.000 Did you vote?

02:11:11.000 No.

02:11:13.000 I honestly.

02:11:14.000 Couldn't do it.

02:11:15.000 Couldn't do it, yeah.

02:11:16.000 I'm hoping Al Franken runs.

02:11:16.000 Yeah.

02:11:18.000 I'm saying it here right now.

02:11:19.000 You think?

02:11:19.000 Really?

02:11:19.000 I think Al Franken could be the best president we've ever had.

02:11:22.000 I really do.

02:11:23.000 I think he's got tremendous ethics, and he's a comedian.

02:11:27.000 That would be amazing if he was a family.

02:11:28.000 He was a true patriot.

02:11:30.000 That guy can, you know, Al Franken can draw the United States and draw all the boundaries for all the states by memory.

02:11:30.000 He really is.

02:11:38.000 He actually can draw the outlines of each state, all 50 of them.

02:11:42.000 You ever see him do that?

02:11:43.000 No.

02:11:44.000 It's crazy.

02:11:45.000 There's a video of it.

02:11:45.000 Pull it up.

02:11:46.000 It's fucking amazing.

02:11:47.000 He walks up to a whiteboard and just draws the United States.

02:11:50.000 That's crazy.

02:11:51.000 In the right shape.

02:11:52.000 He could be a map.

02:11:53.000 If he was living in the 1500s, you would be our map.

02:11:56.000 He'd be the guy.

02:11:57.000 He'd be the most famous guy in the world.

02:11:58.000 He'd be the map maker.

02:11:59.000 I would maybe be able to do California and that's it.

02:12:03.000 I think I could get the line right.

02:12:05.000 Yeah.

02:12:05.000 Oh, yeah.

02:12:06.000 The inside line.

02:12:07.000 Watch him do this.

02:12:08.000 This is beautiful.

02:12:09.000 It's crazy.

02:12:09.000 Go full screen.

02:12:11.000 Wow, that's already crazy.

02:12:13.000 He draws the Great Lakes in the right size and shape.

02:12:13.000 Dude, he's amazing.

02:12:16.000 And he does this all by hand.

02:12:18.000 See, because a lot of people think of Al Franken as, you know, he was a comedian.

02:12:22.000 He's on Saturday Night Live.

02:12:24.000 People, I don't think they truly appreciate his intellect.

02:12:29.000 He's a brilliant guy, but he's also too self-deprecating and too wise and too humble to want to be the president.

02:12:38.000 He just doesn't have that desire in him.

02:12:40.000 That's crazy.

02:12:41.000 That's such a shame.

02:12:42.000 Because to be a president, you almost have to be the type of person who should never be president in order to run.

02:12:52.000 Yeah, I hear that.

02:12:52.000 You know what I mean?

02:12:53.000 But if he wanted to be the president, I think he could be our best president ever.

02:13:00.000 Who the fuck else could do this?

02:13:01.000 You want to talk about patriotism?

02:13:04.000 This fucking guy really loves me.

02:13:05.000 That would be a good thing to run on.

02:13:07.000 It'd be like, I could draw the fucking bitch. 1.00

02:13:09.000 Hey, Donald Trump, draw.

02:13:11.000 But that's crazy, though.

02:13:12.000 He must have practiced this.

02:13:13.000 He's got to have a crazy mind that's just like...

02:13:16.000 He just drew Alaska, son.

02:13:17.000 Now here comes Hawaii.

02:13:19.000 Get the fuck out of here.

02:13:20.000 Are you crazy?

02:13:22.000 Back that up.

02:13:23.000 The 2009 Minnesota State Fair.

02:13:24.000 First of all, he loses points for going to the Minnesota State Fair.

02:13:30.000 That's amazing.

02:13:33.000 Yeah.

02:13:33.000 But also, how many views does that have?

02:13:35.000 I always like to have it.

02:13:36.000 It should have a billion, but it probably has a million.

02:13:39.000 A million, 300,000.

02:13:40.000 That's actually good.

02:13:41.000 There's more than one video of him doing this, too.

02:13:43.000 He does it like a lot.

02:13:44.000 Oh, so it's a lot of fun.

02:13:45.000 It's a lot of tricks.

02:13:46.000 It's a parlor trick.

02:13:47.000 Do you think he gets pussier for that?

02:13:49.000 Wow.

02:13:50.000 Probably dries it all up.

02:13:52.000 And this one he's doing.

02:13:52.000 You want me to draw America?

02:13:54.000 I have to go.

02:13:54.000 Oh, he's doing this one on a piece of cardboard.

02:13:57.000 Oh, he could do it on any surface?

02:13:58.000 He's crazy, bro.

02:13:59.000 I wonder if he does it on the sidewalk with chalk.

02:14:02.000 Can he do it in the sand?

02:14:03.000 Wow, that would be.

02:14:07.000 Yeah, it's amazing.

02:14:09.000 We definitely need a better president. 0.99

02:14:12.000 We definitely need something new.

02:14:15.000 This system we got going on right now.

02:14:17.000 It's just everybody hates each other, so that's a bad thing.

02:14:19.000 It's terrible.

02:14:20.000 Everybody on the left and everybody on the right, everybody's at each other's throats.

02:14:24.000 I used to think it was the right that was the danger, but now the left is so they're so mad and shit.

02:14:29.000 They're responding to the right.

02:14:31.000 It goes this way and then it goes that way.

02:14:33.000 You know, people get super fucking angry when Obama's the president.

02:14:37.000 It's the right they have to worry about.

02:14:38.000 And then Trump becomes the president.

02:14:40.000 Everybody gets super aggressive on the left.

02:14:42.000 What's interesting is they said that gun sales go up when a Democrat is president.

02:14:45.000 Because they get scared.

02:14:46.000 People get scared they're going to take your guns.

02:14:48.000 What's crazy is Trump is a lifelong Democrat.

02:14:51.000 He's a lifelong Democrat.

02:14:54.000 But if anybody's ever had the back of gun owners, Trump above a lot because his sons, sons are hunters, especially Donald Jr.

02:15:03.000 Big time sportsman, conservationist, very much into animals, hunts a lot, like legitimately.

02:15:10.000 He's a respected hunter.

02:15:15.000 But it doesn't shock me that people buy more guns.

02:15:21.000 Yeah, but I guess I didn't think of it like that.

02:15:23.000 And then once I heard it, I was like, yeah, that makes sense.

02:15:25.000 That's the big fear that people have, is that one day the government's going to step in and they're going to take your guns away and they're going to control you with an iron fist and tell you what to do.

02:15:34.000 And people say, no way, that's never going to happen.

02:15:37.000 But I'm not advocating everybody go out and get a gun.

02:15:41.000 But if you say that could never happen, well, it's happening right now with people.

02:15:45.000 If you go to North Korea, it's happened, right? 1.00

02:15:47.000 Okay.

02:15:48.000 How is that going on right now in 2017?

02:15:50.000 First of all, you don't have an armed population.

02:15:53.000 You don't have a free press.

02:15:56.000 There's a lot of factors, right?

02:15:57.000 Yeah, but the government could take it over anyway.

02:16:00.000 The problem with saying that is we are the government.

02:16:03.000 So if you say the government can take over the United States of America with soldiers, those soldiers are citizens.

02:16:09.000 They might be soldiers, but they're people.

02:16:11.000 They're like you and I. They're not globalists.

02:16:12.000 They're not 1%ers who own a...

02:16:26.000 There's a fine line of control that you have when you say the military will take over the country.

02:16:31.000 The military is us.

02:16:32.000 They're just regular people.

02:16:34.000 It's when they get to the highest levels of government that it gets weird.

02:16:39.000 When they're in a war room and they've never actually been in a war.

02:16:42.000 Right, right, right.

02:16:43.000 and they're making politically based decisions, that's when shit gets squirrely.

02:16:47.000 It's the network.

02:16:48.000 Yes.

02:16:48.000 It's the executive, network executives.

02:16:50.000 Just getting a guy to do that, though, like getting, especially in America, I mean, this is not North Korea, man.

02:16:57.000 We have a way different attitude about each other and about human beings.

02:17:00.000 It would be incredibly difficult to get some regular kid from Northern California to join the military and then shut down schools and take away people's guns in a door-to-door raid.

02:17:12.000 I guess I just always feel that people are such followers that it would happen.

02:17:18.000 People are followers until some shit goes down.

02:17:21.000 And if some shit goes down, people will rise to the occasion.

02:17:24.000 Like that is what happened after September 11th.

02:17:27.000 They woke up a sleeping lion and people were excited about going to war again.

02:17:31.000 It gets real dangerous when something happens because people love, like there's a great book that I just read from Sebastian Younger.

02:17:38.000 It's called Tribe.

02:17:39.000 And it's all about bonding during wartime and how people are losing their connection to each other by not encountering difficulty and not struggling.

02:17:51.000 He lives in a poor neighborhood.

02:17:53.000 This guy's like a super world famous writer.

02:17:55.000 And he lives in a poor neighborhood in the Lower East Side because he likes being around regular people.

02:18:01.000 I mean, his books are very successful.

02:18:03.000 I got to imagine he makes a good living.

02:18:05.000 And he's a very famous war journalist and correspondent.

02:18:11.000 He's got, it's his ideas that the people that live soft lives and the people that like, your body's not designed for it.

02:18:19.000 It's not good.

02:18:19.000 It's not healthy.

02:18:20.000 It's why people feel like shit.

02:18:21.000 And that the happier people are the people that are under stress.

02:18:25.000 And that if something did happen to us, we would probably feel better and roughly.

02:18:30.000 Yeah, they say that the guy more likely to kill himself is the businessman who's on the top floor that fucking lost it all than the guy who just kind of has had a rough life because he doesn't know how to deal with it.

02:18:41.000 There was this Bernie Madoff episode of Radio Lab where he's talking to this guy.

02:18:47.000 And this guy made like, I think he made like $9 billion with Bernie.

02:18:53.000 And he had to give away, give $7 billion of it back.

02:18:56.000 Bernie was trying to get him, not Bernie Sanders, Bernie Madoff.

02:19:00.000 Bernie Madoff.

02:19:00.000 Did I say Bernie Sanders?

02:19:01.000 No, he said Bernie Madoff.

02:19:02.000 I was thinking Bernie Sanders for some reason.

02:19:03.000 I think he fucked his name up.

02:19:04.000 Anyway, Bernie Madoff was telling this guy that he had to give the money back.

02:19:08.000 You know what you did.

02:19:09.000 You know we were in on this.

02:19:10.000 We're caught.

02:19:11.000 We've got to give this money back.

02:19:12.000 And the guy killed himself.

02:19:14.000 So he's got $2 billion.

02:19:15.000 He's like, not enough.

02:19:18.000 Not enough.

02:19:18.000 They found him in the bottom of the pool.

02:19:20.000 $2 billion.

02:19:21.000 Not enough.

02:19:22.000 I wonder if it was the shame that made him kill himself.

02:19:24.000 Shame.

02:19:25.000 Clang, clang, clang.

02:19:28.000 Shame.

02:19:29.000 That'll make you kill yourself, man.

02:19:30.000 Well, I think if you have $9 billion and you're a guy that is just constantly obsessed with money, you're probably balling, son.

02:19:41.000 Balling out of control.

02:19:42.000 You're probably maxed out across the board.

02:19:43.000 You probably got multiple Ferraris on their way to you right now.

02:19:46.000 I need a bigger jet.

02:19:49.000 How much is the island?

02:19:50.000 I'll take it.

02:19:52.000 You have $9 billion.

02:19:54.000 And then you're like, you say, okay, I need to make $300 million a year just to pay my bills.

02:20:00.000 Imagine.

02:20:00.000 Let me scale back.

02:20:01.000 And then all of a sudden, someone says, hey, man, you got to give seven of it back.

02:20:05.000 Like, I don't have it.

02:20:06.000 Right.

02:20:06.000 I don't have it.

02:20:07.000 Yeah, that had to be how it was.

02:20:09.000 Well, I think the shame, too.

02:20:12.000 Maybe just died of a heart attack.

02:20:14.000 And then fell in the pool.

02:20:15.000 Yeah.

02:20:17.000 That's a tough way to kill yourself.

02:20:19.000 Jump in and start breathing.

02:20:20.000 Dude, they need to make this a fucking forensic files episode, man.

02:20:23.000 We'll find it.

02:20:23.000 We'll get the wrong little bit.

02:20:24.000 It probably exists on the Hallmark channel.

02:20:25.000 Probably does.

02:20:27.000 Yeah.

02:20:28.000 It's always like some nutty ex-spouse, right?

02:20:32.000 Sometimes a woman. 0.97

02:20:33.000 Yeah.

02:20:34.000 Well, they have that show for that.

02:20:35.000 They have like sinful woman or whatever the hell it's called. 1.00

02:20:38.000 What do they call it?

02:20:39.000 Scorned woman. 1.00

02:20:40.000 Wicked wives. 1.00

02:20:41.000 I mean, it's always a.

02:20:43.000 Yeah.

02:20:44.000 When is it going to happen on one of those reality shows?

02:20:46.000 Like those real housewives? 1.00

02:20:47.000 When is one of those bitches? 1.00

02:20:49.000 Axe murder one of those other chicks. 1.00

02:20:50.000 I mean, it'll happen.

02:20:53.000 How is it not already?

02:20:54.000 They fight.

02:20:54.000 They claw each other, right?

02:20:56.000 I fucking hate that that's a show even.

02:21:00.000 They're so popular.

02:21:01.000 It's crazy.

02:21:01.000 I know.

02:21:02.000 A friend of mine went to one of the real housewives ladies has a restaurant in Beverly Hills. 0.89

02:21:08.000 A friend of mine went to the restaurant, and she said that when the lady walked in, that everybody treated her like royalty.

02:21:15.000 She's here, she's here, she's here.

02:21:16.000 It's so crazy.

02:21:17.000 She's walking in with her dog.

02:21:18.000 And you're famous for being a piece of shit.

02:21:23.000 I mean, you are, though.

02:21:25.000 That's what they glorify, at least, in that show.

02:21:27.000 I'm not saying the person actual, but like, those people are a piece of shit.

02:21:32.000 Yeah, you piece of shit. 1.00

02:21:33.000 And they're like, oh, I mean, that's...

02:21:36.000 That's one of the things.

02:21:37.000 She was like one of the more good ones.

02:21:39.000 Sure, yeah.

02:21:40.000 I mean, I don't know enough about the shit.

02:21:42.000 It's just bizarre that you would have so much money and still want to expose yourself to that.

02:21:47.000 Because the amount of nuttiness and hate.

02:21:50.000 But maybe it's just more exciting than whatever else they're doing.

02:21:53.000 And maybe when you're on Xanax, it's not so bad.

02:21:55.000 Yeah.

02:21:55.000 Maybe you just pop a few Xanax every day.

02:21:58.000 Yeah.

02:21:59.000 Cameras are going off.

02:22:01.000 You don't even seize her.

02:22:02.000 Yeah.

02:22:04.000 Anybody ever seizure from the paparazzi?

02:22:07.000 Google paparazzi causes someone to seize her. 1.00

02:22:10.000 Guarantee it's happened.

02:22:12.000 A lot of flashes.

02:22:13.000 A lot of flashes if you're some wacky dude with a screw loose.

02:22:19.000 And then katonk starts spasming. 0.93

02:22:21.000 I wonder who this is.

02:22:23.000 If it could have been somebody too famous, we would have heard about it.

02:22:25.000 But if it was a famous person, who would you imagine like Johnny Depp?

02:22:25.000 Right.

02:22:29.000 Like he does Coke every day for a month.

02:22:31.000 And then the cameras go off.

02:22:36.000 It's just whatever the fucking fine wire in that fuse and his brain blows out like an old light bulb You find something?

02:22:51.000 The only person I could find is David Beckham's son.

02:22:54.000 Oh, wow.

02:22:55.000 Oh, wow.

02:22:56.000 He's like a 10-year-old kid, and he started freaking out.

02:22:59.000 Oh, he just freaked out, but he didn't have a seizure, did he?

02:23:01.000 Well, I don't know if it led to an actual seizure.

02:23:03.000 He says he's got epilepsy.

02:23:05.000 Oh, he does have epilepsy.

02:23:05.000 Leave him alone.

02:23:07.000 Yeah, it might be.

02:23:08.000 Well, find out.

02:23:09.000 Google that.

02:23:10.000 Why do flashing lights cause people to have seizures?

02:23:14.000 What do you think, Crystal?

02:23:14.000 Hmm.

02:23:16.000 I don't know.

02:23:16.000 I think that I would never think about that in my life.

02:23:19.000 You wouldn't think about that.

02:23:20.000 Nah, because it would never affect me.

02:23:22.000 You're not interested in how the human mind works, the flaws of the operating system?

02:23:26.000 I am a little bit.

02:23:27.000 Not that much, though, huh?

02:23:28.000 Well, I want you to tell me, but I don't want to have to look it up.

02:23:31.000 It says it's coming out, from epilepsy.com, for about 3% of people with epilepsy, exposure of flashing lights at certain intensities.

02:23:39.000 Oh, that's low.

02:23:40.000 Yeah, so it's not even low.

02:23:41.000 I didn't know that.

02:23:42.000 Oh, that's interesting.

02:23:43.000 Well, that makes sense because I would have heard of it, right?

02:23:45.000 You think you would have heard of it.

02:23:46.000 But for my friend, it was his wife.

02:23:48.000 Here's the other thing, too.

02:23:49.000 I don't remember shit, so I'm just going to forget this anyway, which sucks.

02:23:49.000 You remember shit.

02:23:52.000 Dude, I remember death in the shopping mall from when I was like, I can't even believe I remember that.

02:23:56.000 That's ridiculous.

02:23:58.000 That's really impressive.

02:24:00.000 If you're out there, boys, thanks for having me in your basement.

02:24:04.000 It was cool as fuck.

02:24:05.000 You think maybe they're fucking incubus now?

02:24:07.000 You have no idea, you know?

02:24:08.000 I don't think so.

02:24:09.000 Yeah, they're probably not around anymore.

02:24:10.000 Yeah.

02:24:17.000 I think Chrisalia checked out.

02:24:19.000 He's thinking about traffic.

02:24:22.000 He's like, it's fucking four o'clock. 0.76

02:24:24.000 No, I'm not going to be able to do it.

02:24:25.000 I got to drive because Rogan lives in the fucking suburbs.

02:24:28.000 It wasn't as far as I thought.

02:24:29.000 Yeah.

02:24:31.000 Yeah, you got to stick to the road, stay off the moors.

02:24:34.000 Do you use Waze?

02:24:35.000 That's the move.

02:24:35.000 Yeah, yeah, it's the best.

02:24:36.000 Oh, it's the move.

02:24:37.000 You drive through some weird neighborhoods.

02:24:38.000 People are so pissed.

02:24:39.000 People that never had anybody in their neighborhood.

02:24:42.000 It should probably be that.

02:24:43.000 How does it not catch on more, dude?

02:24:44.000 Because people like us don't talk about it that much.

02:24:47.000 I think Chris Leah checked out.

02:24:50.000 I check out too, man, sometimes.

02:24:52.000 Podcasts are what you got to, it's a sustained podcast.

02:24:54.000 I can do like an hour and a half.

02:24:56.000 We're like two and a half hours in now.

02:24:58.000 Well, that went quick, though.

02:24:58.000 Wow, really?

02:24:59.000 Dude, we're friends.

02:25:01.000 Chat.

02:25:01.000 Yeah, that's good.

02:25:02.000 What was the last time we did two years ago?

02:25:04.000 The first one?

02:25:05.000 Maybe even more.

02:25:06.000 We've become good friends.

02:25:08.000 Yeah.

02:25:08.000 We see each other all the time, yeah.

02:25:10.000 We're colleagues.

02:25:11.000 Yeah.

02:25:12.000 We're out there in the battlefield.

02:25:13.000 The battlefield of jokes.

02:25:14.000 It's so cool to do the fucking comedy store, man, and like to be.

02:25:18.000 I try to think about like I'm so fortunate to like be a part of that.

02:25:23.000 Like ever since like you came back and like, you know, it's just so and it was always cool, but like I loved the club always.

02:25:32.000 And I know I think you did too.

02:25:33.000 Yeah.

02:25:34.000 Always.

02:25:34.000 But then like you came back and then like other guys kept other guys came up and they, you know, they let.

02:25:40.000 It's also Eric and Adam too.

02:25:42.000 Yeah, they're, yeah.

02:25:43.000 Yeah, Eric and Adam, they've changed the atmosphere of the place.

02:25:46.000 It's now super comedian friendly and supportive.

02:25:49.000 It's just, it's a different place.

02:25:50.000 It's crazy how great it is now.

02:25:53.000 Yeah, and everybody enjoys it too.

02:25:55.000 Like everybody, like, we look at each other, we're like, whoa, we're here.

02:25:59.000 You know, could have been born in Afghanistan.

02:25:59.000 I know.

02:26:01.000 Could have been living in the middle of the mountains somewhere in Nepal.

02:26:05.000 Sucking goat tits, trying to get some moisture. 0.85

02:26:05.000 You know? 0.85

02:26:08.000 We all could have been trying to win trophies in the forest, man.

02:26:11.000 Win trophies.

02:26:12.000 In the woods.

02:26:13.000 In the forest.

02:26:14.000 The kumite.

02:26:15.000 No rules.

02:26:16.000 Come back.

02:26:17.000 Hands are perfect.

02:26:18.000 No cuts.

02:26:19.000 Empty duffel bag.

02:26:20.000 Yeah, maybe he rubs dirt on his face.

02:26:21.000 Can't believe it.

02:26:23.000 I won, dude.

02:26:24.000 Killed them all in the first round.

02:26:25.000 Everybody's dead.

02:26:29.000 That's like something a seven-year-old would come up with.

02:26:31.000 Yeah, it is.

02:26:32.000 Hey, this is what I'll do.

02:26:33.000 I'm going to get a trophy.

02:26:34.000 I'm going to write deadliest man in the world.

02:26:36.000 And I'm going to put that trophy in a duffel bag.

02:26:38.000 Then I'm going to go deep.

02:26:39.000 Deadliest man in the world.

02:26:42.000 It says deadliest man in the world.

02:26:44.000 I'll never forget when I was first starting to take martial arts.

02:26:47.000 There's this kid who came to my high school.

02:26:49.000 And he's with this girl.

02:26:50.000 And the girl was like really pretty.

02:26:53.000 And she didn't talk much.

02:26:54.000 She was like in my class, and he wasn't.

02:26:56.000 He was from another school.

02:26:58.000 And he had a jean jacket on.

02:27:00.000 He looked like fucking Billy Jack.

02:27:01.000 This guy was like real skinny and like wiry looking.

02:27:04.000 And someone said he did karate, man.

02:27:06.000 This guy did karate.

02:27:07.000 And he was smoking a cigarette.

02:27:08.000 And I remember he had someone hold their hand up so he could demonstrate his moves in front of everybody.

02:27:15.000 Everybody's scared.

02:27:16.000 And he did an inside crescent kick.

02:27:19.000 Swack.

02:27:20.000 Swag the guy's hand.

02:27:21.000 And everybody was like, ooh, that's the real shit.

02:27:23.000 That's the real shit.

02:27:25.000 And I'll never forget that.

02:27:26.000 I remember thinking that guy, I was watching him going, I think that guy's full of shit.

02:27:31.000 But I didn't know anything back then.

02:27:32.000 Do you know if he was now here?

02:27:34.000 Oh, 100%.

02:27:34.000 Oh, he was.

02:27:35.000 Now I'd be laughing.

02:27:37.000 But I looked at him back then.

02:27:38.000 I was like, I think there's something wrong.

02:27:39.000 I think that guy just knows how to throw his leg in the air.

02:27:41.000 I don't think that's a real kick.

02:27:45.000 It was something about it.

02:27:46.000 I was like, that is not a real kick.

02:27:48.000 You could just lie, man.

02:27:49.000 And just, I'm a fucking, you know, pilot.

02:27:52.000 The way he threw it was like, it was so stupid.

02:27:57.000 His leg fucking went up in the air.

02:28:00.000 It just was so ineffective in a real life scenario.

02:28:04.000 Not that the crescent kick doesn't work.

02:28:05.000 It's just the way he did it.

02:28:07.000 Something my brain registered.

02:28:09.000 But I didn't know anything back then.

02:28:10.000 You can.

02:28:11.000 Remember I told you about that book, Gift of Fear?

02:28:14.000 Yeah.

02:28:14.000 Yeah, about how you can sense shit like that and then you know you know it even though you don't know you know it.

02:28:19.000 That's Blink.

02:28:20.000 Malcolm Gladwell's thing, Blink.

02:28:21.000 No, I don't.

02:28:23.000 Blink, Malcolm Gladwell's book is about that.

02:28:23.000 Blink.

02:28:26.000 Oh, it's the same thing about that.

02:28:27.000 Got it.

02:28:27.000 Yeah, I just read it.

02:28:28.000 It's all essentially about how there's certain things where you know immediately.

02:28:33.000 Yeah.

02:28:34.000 I just finished the audio book.

02:28:35.000 But we were conditioned to cover it up and be like, no, that's not right.

02:28:38.000 But it's like, that's why you talk to all these women and they were like, I knew something was wrong before.

02:28:38.000 Yeah.

02:28:42.000 You know what I mean?

02:28:42.000 Yeah.

02:28:43.000 Yeah.

02:28:43.000 Yeah, a lot of times you know something.

02:28:45.000 And there's one great story in the book where they were talking about this statue that was this incredible ancient Roman statue.

02:28:45.000 Yeah.

02:28:52.000 I think ancient Roman or ancient Greek.

02:28:54.000 But it was a forgery.

02:28:54.000 I forget which one.

02:28:56.000 And it, but it was perfect.

02:28:59.000 Like the way it looked, it was amazing.

02:29:01.000 But they brought it in front of these art collectors and they looked at it for a second and they went, this is not, this is not good.

02:29:06.000 This is not good.

02:29:07.000 This is fake.

02:29:08.000 Like they immediately, there was something about it.

02:29:10.000 Like they had done testing on the surface of it.

02:29:12.000 They didn't know what it was?

02:29:13.000 They just felt it?

02:29:15.000 the stone came from a certain part of the world this ancient part of the world that it was ancient stone by the amount of uh some sort of uh mineral on the uh outside of it they realized that it had been sitting in the ground for thousands of years they thought turned out Bullshit.

02:29:30.000 They just, there was a, there was a method that they used to create this artificial surface, and the whole thing was a fraud.

02:29:36.000 And they, you know, they put it in like famous museums and shit.

02:29:36.000 It was all fake.

02:29:40.000 It's a fascinating story, but the art experts, just whatever the fuck it was, they just knew immediately.

02:29:45.000 And they called bullshit on it when all these other people had already signed off on it and even paid for it.

02:29:50.000 And even asked, one of the experts asked, can you get your money back?

02:29:53.000 Oh, wow.

02:29:53.000 And they were like, what?

02:29:54.000 Blink, huh?

02:29:55.000 Yeah.

02:29:56.000 I definitely would like to read that.

02:29:57.000 That's interesting.

02:29:58.000 Yeah, it's really interesting about split-second judgments, like weird things that you make.

02:30:03.000 Like you think you know something.

02:30:04.000 Did I ever tell you the Callan story about this one, one of the craziest girls you ever dated?

02:30:08.000 I don't think so.

02:30:09.000 I meet Callan at the place, the Irish pub that was on Sun.

02:30:15.000 They used to stand up at.

02:30:15.000 Dublins.

02:30:17.000 I meet Callan at Dublin's, and he's like, I want you to meet this girl I'm dating.

02:30:21.000 He brings the girl over.

02:30:21.000 The girl says hi to me.

02:30:22.000 I look at her and I go, come here.

02:30:24.000 And I pull him aside.

02:30:25.000 I go, dude, listen to me.

02:30:26.000 She's fucking crazy. 1.00

02:30:28.000 And he's like, what?

02:30:29.000 I go, she's crazy.

02:30:30.000 He goes, how do you know?

02:30:30.000 I go, I know.

02:30:31.000 I go, I know crazy.

02:30:32.000 You got to listen to me.

02:30:33.000 I go, that's a fucking insane person.

02:30:35.000 That's a dangerous person.

02:30:36.000 No, man, she's cool.

02:30:37.000 She just gets nervous around you.

02:30:39.000 Cut to.

02:30:40.000 She's doing meth.

02:30:41.000 She's a prostitute. 1.00

02:30:44.000 She has a pimp.

02:30:46.000 He finds her like, like after they break up, he runs into her street walking.

02:30:50.000 She's street walking. 1.00

02:30:52.000 He sees her in front of the coach and horses, walking in the street.

02:30:55.000 She's like a lowest level prostitute you can get, right? 1.00

02:30:58.000 How did he not?

02:30:59.000 Come on.

02:31:01.000 But yeah, it's that first reaction.

02:31:04.000 Whatever the fuck it is.

02:31:06.000 I've never done that before.

02:31:07.000 I've never done that ever.

02:31:07.000 I've never looked at someone and said to my friend, that girl's fucking face.

02:31:12.000 It's a bit of a stretch because with Callan, almost every girl he dated was nuts until he met his wife.

02:31:17.000 They were all out of their fucking shit.

02:31:19.000 Callan's off to me about how he's like, you got to meet my friend.

02:31:22.000 Yeah.

02:31:22.000 And I'm like, oh, cool.

02:31:23.000 Like, four times I did it, and then I'm like, like a fucking, literally like a turtle will show up.

02:31:28.000 And I'll be like, I don't want to know a turtle.

02:31:30.000 Yeah.

02:31:30.000 He's too nice.

02:31:31.000 Fucking Callan.

02:31:32.000 He just likes everybody.

02:31:33.000 Oh, my buddy.

02:31:34.000 And now he fucking texts me all the time.

02:31:36.000 He's doing meth.

02:31:36.000 His buddy's crazy.

02:31:37.000 He's trying to get you in the Olympics.

02:31:39.000 Yeah.

02:31:40.000 I'm like, I'm working out too hard for this shit, man.

02:31:42.000 I don't like stretching.

02:31:45.000 Oh.

02:31:47.000 Yeah.

02:31:47.000 That's my favorite blink story, though.

02:31:49.000 I knew.

02:31:50.000 Just something about her.

02:31:50.000 I'm like, what?

02:31:51.000 I just looked at it.

02:31:52.000 I'm like, oh, this is not good.

02:31:54.000 Yeah, I believe in that shit for sure.

02:31:56.000 Especially with women. 0.91

02:31:57.000 Sometimes.

02:31:57.000 Women's intuition.

02:31:58.000 But haven't you been caught?

02:31:59.000 I've been fooled before that Rafael Torrey guy.

02:32:01.000 He fooled me.

02:32:01.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course.

02:32:02.000 I didn't see it with him.

02:32:03.000 But in the book, Gift of Fear, they say that.

02:32:05.000 Like, you always knew somehow, though.

02:32:07.000 But I think you always think that when shit goes wrong.

02:32:07.000 Yeah.

02:32:10.000 True retrospect.

02:32:10.000 You're like, God damn it, I fucking know.

02:32:12.000 I know I knew.

02:32:14.000 I didn't follow my instincts.

02:32:16.000 Could be some fill-in-the-blank bullshit.

02:32:19.000 Speaking of fill-in-the-blank, if you're looking for something to do tonight, Crystalia's new Netflix special.

02:32:23.000 It's out.

02:32:24.000 It's been on fire.

02:32:27.000 That's how you should do your podcast, man.

02:32:28.000 You should do just a bunch of random plugs out of nowhere.

02:32:30.000 There it is.

02:32:31.000 It's on Netflix.

02:32:32.000 Is this your second or third one on Netflix?

02:32:34.000 Third special, second one on Netflix.

02:32:35.000 What was the other one?

02:32:36.000 Comedy Central, yeah.

02:32:38.000 Yeah, Netflix don't take over the game, Kristen.

02:32:41.000 I did my first one on Comedy Central, and it was, it was still, that was still the place to be.

02:32:45.000 Yeah.

02:32:46.000 And then my second one, I was like, I'll do it on Netflix.

02:32:50.000 And now it's just like.

02:32:51.000 You're pretty prolific, too.

02:32:52.000 Like, when did you do your first one?

02:32:54.000 I was 33, and then 31.

02:33:00.000 So four years ago, so 2013.

02:33:02.000 No, so well, my last one came out in 2014.

02:33:04.000 Oh, okay.

02:33:05.000 And then the one before that came out when I was 31.

02:33:07.000 So 2012, yeah.

02:33:10.000 I did kind of two back-to-back.

02:33:11.000 Right.

02:33:12.000 And then my agent was like, I was like, I wanted to do this one last year.

02:33:16.000 And he was like, my agent was like, how many specials do you want to do?

02:33:18.000 And I was like, that's a really good point.

02:33:20.000 I'll wait.

02:33:21.000 That's not a good point.

02:33:22.000 Fire your fucking agent.

02:33:23.000 Listen, listen, fuckface. 1.00

02:33:24.000 You tell me what theater I'm working in Toledo.

02:33:27.000 Yeah.

02:33:28.000 You don't tell me what to do with my act.

02:33:29.000 Well, he wasn't telling me what to do, but I was like, That's what I get.

02:33:34.000 You think I'm his bitch? 0.99

02:33:35.000 The way I feel.

02:33:38.000 You know what I think about Dalia is he's his agent bitch. 1.00

02:33:40.000 He's his agent's bitch. 1.00

02:33:40.000 No, the dude is fucking hilarious. 1.00

02:33:42.000 He's a great guy, but he is his agent's bitch. 1.00

02:33:46.000 He wears a collar on him just to keep him in line.

02:33:49.000 When he goes to his office, the first thing he does.

02:33:52.000 He asks me to want a glass of water.

02:33:54.000 He gives him a bowl.

02:33:55.000 A bowl on the ground.

02:33:58.000 All right, Chris Dalia.

02:33:59.000 Thanks, man.

02:34:00.000 Thank you.

02:34:00.000 It's on.

02:34:01.000 And you have your own podcast.

02:34:02.000 Tell people about your own podcast.

02:34:03.000 It's called Congratulations, and I really like doing it.

02:34:05.000 That's a perfect name for your podcast.

02:34:06.000 It's fun.

02:34:07.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

02:34:08.000 It's a good one for me.

02:34:09.000 You're retarded. 1.00

02:34:09.000 Congratulations. 1.00

02:34:10.000 Yeah, it's a good one.

02:34:12.000 So, yeah.

02:34:12.000 And that's available iTunes, all that stitcher.

02:34:15.000 Stitcher, Google Player.

02:34:16.000 Beautiful.

02:34:18.000 YouTube.

02:34:19.000 All right, ladies and gentlemen, that's it.

02:34:21.000 We'll wrap this up.

02:34:22.000 Bring this bitch home. 1.00

02:34:23.000 Tomorrow, youngest ever UFC heavyweight champion and my good friend Josh Barnett will be here.

02:34:28.000 And we'll see you soon.

02:34:29.000 Bye.

02:34:31.000 Thank you, everybody, for tuning into the podcast.

02:34:33.000 And thank you to our sponsors.

02:34:35.000 Thank you to Movement Watches.

02:34:36.000 Go to mvmt.com forward slash Rogan and get 15% off with free shipping and free returns.

02:34:44.000 That's mvmt.com forward slash Rogan.

02:34:48.000 Thanks also to NatureBox.

02:34:52.000 Get yourself some yummy motherfucking snacks and to your door with NatureBox. 0.97

02:34:57.000 Naturebox.com forward slash Rogan.

02:34:59.000 You will get three free snacks with your first order.

02:35:03.000 That's naturebox.com forward slash Rogan.

02:35:06.000 And we're brought to you each and every week by onit.com.

02:35:10.000 Go to O-N-N-I-T, use the code word Rogan and save 10% off any and all supplements.

02:35:18.000 And we did it.

02:35:23.000 We did it.

02:35:24.000 We did it, ladies and gentlemen.

02:35:28.000 Okay.

02:35:30.000 There's an interesting article on the website about coconut oil.

02:35:34.000 A lot of people have been saying, asking a lot of questions about the American Heart Association had some thing about coconut oil and saturated fats and things being bad for you.

02:35:47.000 And it's being widely criticized by people who are big fans of saturated fat.

02:35:55.000 So if you want to read the full article and decide for yourself, it's really, it will be one of those things where you're like, Hmm, am I deciding for myself or am I trying to sort this out?

02:36:05.000 Most of the time, it's like try to sort this out, try to figure out who's right and who's telling the truth.

02:36:10.000 But there's also a bit of a critique on the American Heart Association.

02:36:16.000 It says the American Heart Association advisory wasn't spurred by the emergence of a new study, but rather, in parentheses, by the researchers' own admission, was done in reaction to a bunch of other ones they didn't like, specifically a 2014 meta-analysis,

02:36:32.000 which is in parentheses a review of multiple studies from the annals of internal medicine that found that there isn't evidence to support recommendations to consume high amounts of polyunsaturated fatty acids and low amounts of saturated fat.

02:36:49.000 This is very complicated stuff, so I'm going to bore the shit out of you at the end of this already long podcast.

02:36:56.000 But it is an interesting debate because it's like one month you're told coconut oil is amazing for you.

02:37:02.000 It's like a superfood.

02:37:04.000 MCT oil, one of the best things you can have for your brain.

02:37:07.000 And then all of a sudden there's a new thing that comes out that says it's not.

02:37:09.000 Who's right?

02:37:12.000 Very interesting.

02:37:13.000 Very interesting.

02:37:14.000 And read into it because I'm not the expert.

02:37:18.000 I'm not the one.

02:37:19.000 But I have not stopped eating the way I've been eating, which is I eat a lot of avocados.

02:37:24.000 I eat a lot of coconut oil, a lot of MCT oil.

02:37:28.000 I eat a lot of healthy fats.

02:37:30.000 Try to take in salmon and some other healthy fatty fish and fatty meats whenever I can.

02:37:35.000 And I'm healthy as fuck.

02:37:37.000 But that might just be me.

02:37:39.000 I don't know.

02:37:40.000 I mean, everybody's body's different too.

02:37:41.000 That's also part of this whole equation.

02:37:43.000 Point being, the Honored Academy has an awesome link about that that you should check out and read and, you know, help you make up your mind.

02:37:51.000 But I always advise people to experiment.

02:37:53.000 Try a bunch of different kinds of diets and a bunch of different ways to eat.

02:37:57.000 For me, the lower carb, higher fat, low, low sugar diet or choices have been the best for me, the way I feel.

02:38:10.000 Boy, I fucking talk a lot, huh?

02:38:12.000 Yeah, that's what we're doing.

02:38:14.000 All right, this podcast is over.

02:38:16.000 Tomorrow, Josh Barnett will be on.

02:38:18.000 He's a good buddy of mine, former UFC heavyweight champion, the youngest ever, and very smart dude.

02:38:25.000 Really smart dude.

02:38:26.000 And you want to talk about a guy who shatters stereotypes of big meathead-looking cage-fighting motherfuckers.

02:38:33.000 Josh Barnett's probably the best one for that because very wise guy.

02:38:37.000 And then I'll see you guys this weekend at the Ice House.

02:38:40.000 Okay, bitch. 1.00

02:38:41.000 All right.

02:38:42.000 Thanks, everybody.

02:38:42.000 See you soon.

The Joe Rogan Experience - June 27, 2017

Joe Rogan Experience #980 - Chris D'Elia

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Transcript