The Matt Walsh Show - August 22, 2026


I Have Tattoos. Here's Why They're A Bad Idea.


Episode Stats


Length

15 minutes

Words per minute

174.78

Word count

2,660

Sentence count

166


Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
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00:00:51.280 Major news dropped this week.
00:00:53.280 You no doubt noticed the ground trembling beneath your feet
00:00:56.480 and felt the violent blast of hot wind blowing across the country as the news of this event
00:01:01.040 slammed into the planet like an asteroid the size of a stadium, leaving a gaping crater in the
00:01:07.020 Earth's crust. The whole world was shaken. Everything changed. Nothing will ever be the
00:01:11.200 same again. Congresswoman Nancy Mace got some tattoos. Now, we'll put the images up on the
00:01:17.400 screen for those who find the claim wildly implausible. There they are. It's proof. The
00:01:23.500 pictures that Nancy Mace took to show the world her new tattoos. There are a lot of them on both
00:01:28.900 arms. There's two whole sleeves of tattoos. There are some flowers and some religious imagery
00:01:33.040 and some random phrases and also the word justice. There is no justice in the world,
00:01:38.900 but now at least we have it on Nancy Mace's left bicep. So that's something. Now, I know about
00:01:44.640 these tattoos, not because I was seeking information about Nancy Mace's tattoos or
00:01:47.960 Nancy Mace in general, but because multiple media outlets issued urgent reports on the subject.
00:01:52.900 USA Today, The New York Post, Yahoo, Newsweek, The Hill, The Daily Beast, The Huffington Post, which evidently still exists, all put their best reporters on the Nancy Mace tattoo beat.
00:02:04.320 There was so much conversation about the tattoos that Snopes published a fact check titled, Does Nancy Mace Have Arm Tattoos?
00:02:11.720 And there then follows an entire article to inform us that the answer is yes, she does have arm tattoos.
00:02:19.200 That's it. That's the fact check.
00:02:20.500 Now, I have nothing further to say on the subject of Nancy Mace's tattoos in particular, but this breathtaking development did prompt another round of discussion and debate about tattoos in general.
00:02:33.500 Everyone seems to have them now, if not everyone, then a lot of people do.
00:02:37.800 A recent survey finds that 32% of Americans have a tattoo.
00:02:42.040 In fact, more women than men are now sporting tattoos, and more than half of women between the ages of 18 and 49 have at least one tattoo, more than half.
00:02:52.540 Now, that number drops off a little bit for women over 50, but Nancy Mace, who was almost 50, is determined to pad those stats.
00:02:59.460 Now, back in the old days, you know, only bikers and prison inmates had tattoos, and they were all men.
00:03:05.860 And now the average 23-year-old college graduate who's a female has the kinds of permanent skin markings that used to be exclusively the province of large men with felony convictions.
00:03:18.040 Now, some people consider this a bad thing, a sign of cultural decline. Others say that it's a good thing.
00:03:25.700 You know, it's a sign that the culture is becoming more accepting of individual expression.
00:03:29.960 And you may think that I am in no place to litigate this issue objectively. After all, I have a tattoo right here. It's the Cairo on my forearm that I got when I was in my early 20s. I have another tattoo, a cross on the opposite shoulder, that I also got in my early 20s. And in fact, I have a third tattoo. I have the words Thug Life printed across my stomach, but I don't like to talk about that one. So let's just call it two tattoos for the sake of argument.
00:03:57.080 So will I now stand up alongside my fellow tatted Americans, my brothers and sisters of the ink, and defend the beauty and virtue of tattoos?
00:04:09.500 Well, the answer is, in fact, no, I won't.
00:04:14.100 I actually agree mostly with the tattoo critics.
00:04:18.600 I think this whole tattoo thing has gotten way out of hand.
00:04:23.880 Everybody needs to stop with the tattoos.
00:04:26.500 Okay? It's too much. It's too much. Now, to be clear, I'm not saying that I regret my tattoos
00:04:32.900 per se. They're both meaningful in the sense that they obviously denote my Christian faith.
00:04:38.760 At least I didn't get like a tribal armband permanently branding myself as a guy who loved
00:04:43.340 Three Days Grace in 2002. At least I didn't get a Chinese symbol that was popular for a while,
00:04:49.640 that I was told means harmony or whatever, but really just means Kung Pao chicken with fried
00:04:54.160 rice. At least I didn't get random words or designs. At least I didn't get a Disney character.
00:04:59.420 So I'm not embarrassed by the tattoos. I don't feel the need to explain them, except for right
00:05:06.080 now. My take on my own tattoos is this. I don't have any urge to get them removed,
00:05:11.920 but I also would absolutely never get another one. If I could go back in time, in a time machine,
00:05:19.500 would I have still gotten these tattoos? Probably not. Mostly because if I'm going back in a time
00:05:26.540 machine, I don't want to waste the day sitting in a tattoo parlor. But in summary, my tattoos are
00:05:31.680 fine. They're okay. You know, I've got bigger problems in my life at the very least. Hot nights
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00:06:55.060 wide. That's helixsleep.com slash Walsh for 27% off site wide. And this is kind of the most you
00:07:01.840 can hope for with a tattoo. And that is why I'm now anti-tattoo. Okay. I'm anti-tattoo because
00:07:08.400 I'm sitting in the somewhat unique position of somebody whose tattoos 17 years later are a best
00:07:14.800 case scenario. I am as happy about the decision that my 23-year-old self made in that tattoo
00:07:21.360 parlor as a 40-year-old man could possibly be. Things have worked out tattoo-wise as well as you
00:07:28.840 could ever hope. And still, it's just fine. It's okay. The tattoos didn't ruin my life.
00:07:38.020 They have not invited endless ridicule. I mean, I am subject to endless ridicule,
00:07:43.420 but it's not because of the tattoos. I haven't lost out on any jobs because of them.
00:07:47.660 And people don't stare at my tattoos and gawk and laugh and say stuff like, oh man,
00:07:52.580 how many Jager bombs did it take to come up with that idea? Like, I don't get those kinds of
00:07:56.740 comments. Instead, people, if they say anything about my tattoos, which they usually don't,
00:08:02.140 but if they do, they'll gesture and say something like, oh, a tattoo, huh? And I'll say, yeah.
00:08:09.920 And they'll say, cool. And that's about the extent of the conversation that this permanent
00:08:15.100 mark on my body has generated. Which is to say, again, it's fine. It's fine. It's not awful.
00:08:23.520 It's definitely not awesome, though.
00:08:25.800 It's not wonderful.
00:08:27.160 It's not a thing that I feel amazingly great about.
00:08:30.180 So my point is that if you are making a permanent decision,
00:08:33.520 if you're doing something that save an expensive and painful procedure
00:08:37.780 will be a permanent part of your physical appearance forever,
00:08:41.860 something that will literally brand you,
00:08:44.820 something that will potentially impact how other people see you
00:08:47.780 and perceive you and treat you forever,
00:08:50.120 then that decision, in order to be worth it, must have a much, much higher ceiling than just
00:08:57.480 it's fine. Because the floor is much, much lower than it's fine. The floor for a tattoo is
00:09:05.460 embarrassment, humiliation, looking like a jackass or a moron, depending on what tattoos you got and
00:09:12.560 where you got them. And even if you don't hit the floor, like the more likely stratosphere where
00:09:18.060 most people will end up floating is just kind of looking like a bit of a trend following nerd.
00:09:24.820 And that was never a possible outcome of tattoos until recently. You know, it used to be that even
00:09:30.360 if you got a terrible tattoo that ruined your life, at least you were rebellious. And now that's
00:09:36.320 gone because everybody has them. So the most likely outcome is that you've just sort of branded
00:09:40.240 yourself with a 2020s trend that will not stay trendy forever because trends never do.
00:09:46.440 Eventually, tattoos will be the equivalent of somebody dancing the Macarena in 2026.
00:09:51.820 At best, it will have kind of an ironic nostalgia vibe.
00:09:57.100 But more likely, you'll just look like a weird dork.
00:10:00.840 Now, tattoo apologists will say, as I noted, that tattoos are all about individual expression.
00:10:06.180 But they're way too common and trendy to be individual.
00:10:09.880 Like, saying that your tattoos are a form of individual expression,
00:10:12.660 It's like saying that your blue jeans are a part of or a form of individual expression
00:10:17.260 Now your blue jeans might look fine or they might not but
00:10:20.760 One thing they will never be is individualistic
00:10:24.040 And at least with the blue jeans you can take them off and change them
00:10:28.020 Getting a tattoo it's like picking out your favorite style of blue jeans and making a blood oath to only wear those jeans
00:10:34.980 Including in the pool in the shower and to bed for the rest of your life
00:10:39.280 A stylistic choice, which is what blue jeans are and what tattoos are, should never be permanent
00:10:45.940 There is no upside to pledging yourself to that choice until the end of your days
00:10:53.260 Whether it's jeans or a haircut or a t-shirt or a little fun design on your skin
00:10:58.880 It is a style choice
00:11:00.980 And you have to allow for the fact that at some point in your life, your style might change
00:11:07.920 Now, what about expression?
00:11:09.660 You know, tattoos are most assuredly not individualistic at all anymore.
00:11:14.900 But are they at least a form of expression?
00:11:17.500 Well, sort of, yes, but only in the way that bumper stickers are expressions.
00:11:23.240 You know, I often think this about bumper stickers, and I think it was Louis C.K. that had, or somebody has a bit about this,
00:11:29.140 which I'm sure is more insightful and funnier than what I'm about to say.
00:11:32.620 But piggybacking on the point, when you put a bumper sticker on your car,
00:11:36.840 You are engaging in expression, but you're signing yourself on to that particular expression,
00:11:44.060 whatever it is, which will be conveyed to anyone who happens to be behind you in traffic,
00:11:49.200 whoever that is, for as long as you own that car.
00:11:53.300 Now, sure, maybe you find a bumper sticker that's kind of funny, but could any bumper
00:11:57.900 sticker joke possibly be funny enough that you want to tell it to every single person
00:12:03.240 you ever pass in traffic for the next 11 years.
00:12:07.900 Like, it's just not possible that anyone could ever put something on a bumper sticker
00:12:11.640 that justifies that level of commitment and repetition.
00:12:17.240 So, for example, I saw a bumper sticker recently that said,
00:12:20.400 no airbags, we die like real men.
00:12:24.180 And it was kind of funny, I admit.
00:12:26.960 It was the first time I'd seen that.
00:12:28.060 And I saw that and I thought, ah, funny.
00:12:30.840 But is that joke really so funny that you need to go around telling it to everyone, hundreds of people a day, for years?
00:12:41.260 Like, you would never do that in person.
00:12:43.240 You would never go to a party, introduce yourself to 27 people, and open with the same joke.
00:12:48.540 Like, you go up to one person, hey, I'm Bob, you know, I don't have airbags.
00:12:52.740 Yeah, I die like a real man.
00:12:54.640 Then you walk across the room, hey, Bob here, guess what, you know, I don't have airbags.
00:12:59.400 Yeah, I die like a real man.
00:13:00.540 And then you go over to the person standing by the veggie tray.
00:13:03.260 Hey, name's Bob.
00:13:04.340 I don't know if you heard about the whole airbag situation.
00:13:06.420 Yeah, I don't have them.
00:13:07.700 I'd die like a real man.
00:13:09.460 Like eventually the joke gets old is the point.
00:13:11.280 It actually gets old really quickly.
00:13:13.140 So affixing it to your vehicle in a manner that cannot be removed without taking paint
00:13:17.640 with it makes no sense.
00:13:20.240 So the bumper sticker is expression, but it's a stock cliched expression that is conveyed
00:13:25.020 the same way to everyone forever, which makes it hardly expression at all.
00:13:30.540 And tattoos are the same, but worse, because they're on your body, and they require a medical
00:13:35.700 procedure to remove, if they can be removed. Again, you're expressing something, but it's a
00:13:41.180 stock, cliched, pre-packaged thing that you're announcing to everybody forever always, which
00:13:47.640 is to say it's hardly expression at all. It's like Hallmark card expression at best.
00:13:53.900 And you would never commit yourself to only one Hallmark card for the next six decades.
00:13:59.180 So why would you commit yourself to a design on your body?
00:14:03.960 Here's what I can tell you.
00:14:05.260 As a 40-year-old man,
00:14:07.800 cursed to live with the stylistic choices
00:14:10.160 of a 23-year-old man,
00:14:11.580 I never wake up and look at my arm and say,
00:14:16.200 oh, glad that's still there.
00:14:17.860 Thank God.
00:14:19.140 Thank God that's still there.
00:14:20.700 I am so happy with that decision.
00:14:23.620 No middle-aged adult feels that way
00:14:25.920 about the tattoos they got when they were younger.
00:14:27.880 None of them.
00:14:28.680 that kind of tattoo euphoria cannot be maintained
00:14:32.540 if you ever experience it at all.
00:14:35.580 Instead, I generally wake up and I don't think about it.
00:14:38.680 In fact, I go daze and I forget that I even have the tattoo.
00:14:41.840 And when I remember, you know, I shrug my shoulders and I say,
00:14:45.800 yep, so there's that.
00:14:48.700 And anybody in my vicinity asks me why I'm talking to my own arm.
00:14:52.440 Anyway, the tattoo is not worth it in the end.
00:14:55.520 You know, if you want to spend 700 bucks on something,
00:14:58.060 go buy an iPad or a used couch or dinner at Five Guys.
00:15:02.880 The tattoo is not a worthwhile investment
00:15:05.460 for anyone, including Nancy Mace.
00:15:08.620 And that is why tattoos are today canceled.