The Matt Walsh Show - December 30, 2022


Matt Walsh Reacts To Cringy New Years Resolutions TikToks

Hosted by
Matt Walsh
Mentioned
Gaby Steve
Matt Walsh Relives The Most Annoying TikToks Of The Year Countdown of Matt Walsh’s Most Epic Moments of 2022

Episode Stats


Length

10 minutes

Words per minute

183.27

Word count

1,964

Sentence count

198

Harmful content

Misogyny

7

sentences flagged

Toxicity

17

sentences flagged

Hate speech

11

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

It's the new year, which means it's time for New Year's resolutions. I'm not a fan of them, but they do exist in the lead-up to the New Year, and they're a convenient excuse to procrastinate on your resolutions.

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Toxicity classifications generated with s-nlp/roberta_toxicity_classifier .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
Hosts, guests, and mentioned names generated with spaCy (en_core_web_sm), reconciled against Wikidata.
00:00:00.000 Well, the new year is coming up. It's a time for New Year's resolutions, I suppose.
00:00:09.140 I'm not big on New Year's resolutions because New Year's resolutions, they don't exist for the new year.
00:00:13.760 Let's be real about it. They exist for all the months leading up to the new year as an excuse for you to not make changes right away.
00:00:23.920 The new year becomes sort of a receptacle for all of the commitments that you don't want to make right away.
00:00:28.600 Because if you're serious about making a change, you're just going to start doing it, no matter what it is.
00:00:34.120 Like if you say, I want to start dieting in the new year.
00:00:36.760 If you're actually going to diet in the new year, you would just start right away.
00:00:39.360 If you're serious about it, you would just, that moment, start doing whatever it is.
00:00:42.800 As Nike, one of the most insightful corporate mottos of all time, just do it.
00:00:47.900 This video is not sponsored by Nike.
00:00:49.480 So that's how I feel about New Year's resolutions, but they feel differently over on TikTok.
00:00:52.500 And over on TikTok, there are a bunch of people posting their New Year's resolutions.
00:00:54.920 So we're going to go through and watch those and make fun of them.
00:00:59.280 New Year's Eve is coming up.
00:01:00.840 And I just want to say, don't kiss no man.
00:01:03.400 It's New Year's Eve, not New Year's Steve. 1.00
00:01:06.440 Turn lesbian. This is the time. 1.00
00:01:08.800 That's actually kind of funny. New Year's Eve, not New Year's Steve.
00:01:11.500 It doesn't make any sense, obviously.
00:01:13.440 But making sense is not the bar that I'm going to set for a TikTok video because it's not fair to them.
00:01:18.360 I'm disappointed in the horrible homophobia in this video because I've been reliably informed by LGBT activists that nobody can choose their sexuality.
00:01:26.880 So you can't turn lesbian. 0.97
00:01:28.740 That's far-right propaganda, actually. 0.93
00:01:31.420 It's very dangerous.
00:01:32.560 You cannot change your sexuality unless, of course, you're, let's say, a heterosexual man who turns into a woman but is still attracted to women. 0.87
00:01:43.760 In which case, that's really the only way to turn into a lesbian, I guess. 1.00
00:01:46.960 You have to be a man first, and that's how you can turn into a lesbian. 1.00
00:01:49.780 So you can't change your sexuality, but you can change your gender, which in turn changes your sexuality. 0.90
00:01:57.180 That's what we're told.
00:01:58.960 Don't expect any New Year's resolutions from me. 0.99
00:02:01.980 I intend on staying the same snarky, sarcastic, foul-mouthed b**** you've all come to love. 1.00
00:02:10.740 Nobody does love you. 1.00
00:02:11.840 That's why you're like this.
00:02:14.080 I mean, this is the ultimate female cope, is what you just saw there. 1.00
00:02:17.740 Nobody likes you.
00:02:19.200 Nobody wants to be around you.
00:02:21.140 You're lonely and alone.
00:02:23.320 And so you decide to embrace that as your personality. 0.98
00:02:26.940 I'm a snarky b**** you know. 0.97
00:02:28.680 This is default. 0.98
00:02:29.560 Like, you dye your hair purple and just decide to play it off like you meant to be this incredibly off-putting and unpleasant.
00:02:37.000 So it's kind of the chicken-a-raig sort of philosophical conundrum in some ways, I suppose.
00:02:44.040 Did you start off being this way, and then nobody liked you, and so then you decide?
00:02:49.920 I think that's really what it is.
00:02:51.280 That's what all purple hair is, by the way.
00:02:53.340 It is an attempt to turn unpleasantness into a personality.
00:02:56.940 Anytime you see someone with purple hair, that's what they're doing.
00:02:59.020 That's what the game is.
00:02:59.820 Oh, this is a good question.
00:03:02.540 Here are my 2023 resolutions.
00:03:06.580 Comment your resolutions, the ones that you're comfortable sharing in the comment section.
00:03:11.800 First, I definitely want to get back to parts of me pre-panty.
00:03:19.320 You know, 2020 happened.
00:03:21.420 A lot happened.
00:03:22.740 All of our lives have been significantly changed because of it.
00:03:26.780 But, you know, there were parts of my life pre-panty.
00:03:30.160 I just want to kind of recapture the essence of my life back then.
00:03:35.520 What am I talking about?
00:03:36.940 Okay, I got to cut it off right there.
00:03:38.360 I can't even watch this anymore.
00:03:39.620 Did she just call the pandemic a panty?
00:03:41.740 Am I reading that correctly?
00:03:45.500 Pre-panty is what we're calling the pandemic now.
00:03:47.840 The pandemic was a panty.
00:03:49.340 So we have a cutesy nickname for a pandemic now.
00:03:53.280 Something tells me that this is new.
00:03:54.580 I don't think they did that like in the Black Plague.
00:03:57.400 They didn't call it the Black.
00:03:58.500 It's the Black Panty.
00:03:59.980 Two-thirds of Europe has died in the panty.
00:04:02.200 Here's the New Year's resolution.
00:04:03.700 It's not that hard to use an entire word.
00:04:07.000 And I know pandemic, you know, that's a multi-syllabic word.
00:04:11.780 And especially in the internet age, people find that very daunting.
00:04:15.760 But it actually doesn't take that much more time.
00:04:17.980 So how much time does it take to say the word panty versus pandemic?
00:04:21.180 It's like an extra millisecond you're tacking on. 0.96
00:04:24.920 And in the process, you don't have to sacrifice your dignity and sound like a clown.
00:04:30.340 So I think it's worth the commitment.
00:04:32.240 So I don't even know what her New Year's resolution is because we just skipped over it.
00:04:34.760 We'll keep going.
00:04:36.320 Y'all better not be doing any New Year's resolutions in January.
00:04:40.220 European society got you thinking that you can make New Year's resolutions in the middle of winter.
00:04:46.440 They got you thinking that you should start new things when nature is still hibernating.
00:04:51.220 This is not the time to manifest new things.
00:04:54.500 And that's why most of y'all will not succeed in your New Year's resolutions.
00:04:59.500 Mimic nature.
00:05:00.940 This is a time to drop your leaves.
00:05:04.000 Shed old things.
00:05:05.740 Hibernate.
00:05:06.640 Reflect. 1.00
00:05:07.520 Keep your ass inside. 1.00
00:05:09.360 Journal. 1.00
00:05:10.200 Meditate.
00:05:10.960 And keep dropping those old habits that no longer suit you.
00:05:14.440 And when spring comes around and nature starts waking up, then you manifest something.
00:05:20.040 And watch how everything will come to fruition.
00:05:23.460 So follow me for more tips if you want to tap back into nature.
00:05:27.540 What if I have a job, though?
00:05:29.080 That's the one problem.
00:05:31.140 Just stay inside all winter.
00:05:33.800 Yeah, I mean, if you're living in your parents' house, then I suppose you can do that.
00:05:38.220 Speaking of turning things into personalities and just going with it.
00:05:41.740 So, you know, you get the unpleasant women, put the purple hair on. 1.00
00:05:44.480 It's like, well, this is my personality now.
00:05:46.040 And then there's this, too. 0.97
00:05:47.440 Someone who's just a loser, doesn't have a job, and is living at their parents' house. 0.83
00:05:52.080 And then decides to wear a bunch of jewelry and a turban or whatever that is. 0.98
00:05:55.540 And then say, I'm enlightened.
00:05:57.740 I'm going to repackage myself as enlightened and above it all.
00:06:02.420 No, it's just you don't have a job.
00:06:03.580 That's what it is.
00:06:04.120 Although, I do kind of like this idea.
00:06:07.640 I mean, there's something to it.
00:06:08.940 I'm going to start using this with my wife when she tells me, like, oh, we need to clean 1.00
00:06:13.180 out the garage this weekend.
00:06:14.360 I can say, no, sorry, it's winter.
00:06:16.220 I don't manifest new things in the winter, okay?
00:06:18.600 I can't manifest a new, a clean garage right now.
00:06:21.940 Get back to me in the springtime.
00:06:23.660 Nature is hibernating right now.
00:06:25.640 No, nature is not.
00:06:26.880 Like, there's still nature.
00:06:28.400 You do understand that, right?
00:06:29.400 It's, it's, that's, nature itself doesn't go away.
00:06:34.040 Nature just, you walk outside and that's, and it's all nature.
00:06:37.880 Have we even heard one real resolution?
00:06:40.720 So I've decided for 2023, I'm just going to keep getting hotter and weirder.
00:06:48.920 That's my resolution too, I have to say.
00:06:50.860 But I will say in your case, the makeup seems to be, so you want to get hotter and weirder.
00:06:55.280 The makeup seems to be helping with the weirder resolution, but it's not doing much for the
00:06:59.780 hotter resolution.
00:07:01.200 This is just me.
00:07:11.200 Okay, you know what?
00:07:12.340 I just wanted something easy, like eat my vegetables.
00:07:15.720 This, why?
00:07:17.460 You know, she's actually right.
00:07:18.440 You know, love yourself is a, that's a difficult resolution to manifest, as the other guy would
00:07:25.440 say.
00:07:25.820 It's actually a horrible resolution.
00:07:27.740 It's basically impossible.
00:07:29.100 Like, you can't decide that my New Year's resolution is I'm going to love myself more.
00:07:32.960 You can sit around all day thinking about yourself and thinking about how you feel about yourself
00:07:39.120 and it just becomes this self-cannibalizing cycle where you're circling around the drain.
00:07:43.680 And you could do that, but you're not going to be able to conjure this love for yourself
00:07:48.620 that you're trying to, which is why it would be a really bad way to go into the New Year.
00:07:53.940 Loving yourself, I'm not saying that you shouldn't love yourself.
00:07:58.160 We are all made in the image of God.
00:08:01.420 And so we are God's creation.
00:08:04.740 And so for that reason, we should love ourselves.
00:08:07.920 We should even, we should accept ourselves.
00:08:10.280 That's true.
00:08:10.980 Think of it more of a byproduct of a healthy life.
00:08:15.460 You're living a healthy life.
00:08:16.960 You will also love yourself, but not in this self-obsessive way.
00:08:20.700 It's more like you're just, you're fulfilling your responsibilities.
00:08:23.140 You're doing your duty.
00:08:24.760 You're living a healthy life.
00:08:27.120 And then one day you look back and you realize, oh, I feel good about myself.
00:08:30.360 I love myself.
00:08:31.540 It's a byproduct.
00:08:32.620 It's just something that, it's something that comes along with the territory of doing
00:08:36.600 the things that you're supposed to do.
00:08:38.120 So focus on those things rather than, because what people do these days is they do it the
00:08:42.220 other way around.
00:08:42.820 They sit around and think, well, I need to feel better.
00:08:45.360 Before I can do anything, before I can do anything constructive and have a healthy life,
00:08:50.080 I need to feel better about myself first.
00:08:52.040 And then once I feel better about myself, then I can start doing all of the healthy things.
00:08:55.700 But there's no reason for you to feel better about yourself because you're not doing anything
00:08:58.660 that will create those feelings.
00:09:01.380 You see, that's the problem.
00:09:02.620 Hi, this is for my Gaby friends.
00:09:05.200 But if you're not a Gaby, you're more than welcome to stay. 1.00
00:09:07.420 We're inclusive here.
00:09:08.540 I'm sitting here in my closet thinking of you and knowing that some of you might be setting
00:09:12.120 a resolution to come out this year.
00:09:14.200 Would it make it easier if you had someone to practice with?
00:09:16.620 I'm happy to be your practice person.
00:09:18.820 I'll go live at two o'clock central time on New Year's Day if you want to practice coming
00:09:23.320 out to me.
00:09:24.160 I'm here and I welcome you.
00:09:25.920 If you want to ask me anything else, you can do that too.
00:09:28.320 See you on New Year's.
00:09:29.420 I don't know exactly what's going on here.
00:09:31.560 This is an old woman in a closet talking to her Gaby's and offering to let them practice 1.00
00:09:37.180 coming out to her.
00:09:39.320 This is, imagine this is your grandmother.
00:09:42.740 Where's grandma?
00:09:43.340 She's in the closet shooting another TikTok video.
00:09:47.000 I guess this is the new version of a guy in a van offering free candy.
00:09:50.920 This is some of the least subtle grooming I've ever seen.
00:09:55.780 You know what?
00:09:56.100 As far as coming out as your news resolution goes, I've got a different idea, very similar
00:10:01.900 to what we said before.
00:10:03.020 How about this?
00:10:03.600 Here's a good resolution, especially for people on TikTok.
00:10:07.640 Stop talking about your sexuality.
00:10:11.020 Stop obsessing over it.
00:10:12.940 Stop making it your whole essence and personality.
00:10:16.360 Try to formulate some kind of existence outside of that.
00:10:19.820 You know what?
00:10:20.200 Actually, stop thinking about yourself in general to the extent that you can.
00:10:23.920 And go out and live your life.
00:10:27.560 Tamp down the narcissism.
00:10:29.140 That will give you less content for TikTok videos, but it will lead to an actually happy
00:10:35.520 new year.
00:10:36.620 Happy new year, happy new year, may we all have a vision.