The Matt Walsh Show - December 30, 2022


Matt Walsh Reacts To Cringy New Years Resolutions TikToks


Episode Stats

Length

10 minutes

Words per Minute

183.26595

Word Count

1,964

Sentence Count

182

Misogynist Sentences

7

Hate Speech Sentences

11


Summary

It's the new year, which means it's time for New Year's resolutions. I'm not a fan of them, but they do exist in the lead-up to the New Year, and they're a convenient excuse to procrastinate on your resolutions.


Transcript

00:00:00.000 Well, the new year is coming up. It's a time for New Year's resolutions, I suppose.
00:00:09.140 I'm not big on New Year's resolutions because New Year's resolutions, they don't exist for the new year.
00:00:13.760 Let's be real about it. They exist for all the months leading up to the new year as an excuse for you to not make changes right away.
00:00:23.920 The new year becomes sort of a receptacle for all of the commitments that you don't want to make right away.
00:00:28.600 Because if you're serious about making a change, you're just going to start doing it, no matter what it is.
00:00:34.120 Like if you say, I want to start dieting in the new year.
00:00:36.760 If you're actually going to diet in the new year, you would just start right away.
00:00:39.360 If you're serious about it, you would just, that moment, start doing whatever it is.
00:00:42.800 As Nike, one of the most insightful corporate mottos of all time, just do it.
00:00:47.900 This video is not sponsored by Nike.
00:00:49.480 So that's how I feel about New Year's resolutions, but they feel differently over on TikTok.
00:00:52.500 And over on TikTok, there are a bunch of people posting their New Year's resolutions.
00:00:54.920 So we're going to go through and watch those and make fun of them.
00:00:59.280 New Year's Eve is coming up.
00:01:00.840 And I just want to say, don't kiss no man.
00:01:03.400 It's New Year's Eve, not New Year's Steve.
00:01:06.440 Turn lesbian. This is the time.
00:01:08.800 That's actually kind of funny. New Year's Eve, not New Year's Steve.
00:01:11.500 It doesn't make any sense, obviously.
00:01:13.440 But making sense is not the bar that I'm going to set for a TikTok video because it's not fair to them.
00:01:18.360 I'm disappointed in the horrible homophobia in this video because I've been reliably informed by LGBT activists that nobody can choose their sexuality.
00:01:26.880 So you can't turn lesbian.
00:01:28.740 That's far-right propaganda, actually.
00:01:31.420 It's very dangerous.
00:01:32.560 You cannot change your sexuality unless, of course, you're, let's say, a heterosexual man who turns into a woman but is still attracted to women.
00:01:43.760 In which case, that's really the only way to turn into a lesbian, I guess.
00:01:46.960 You have to be a man first, and that's how you can turn into a lesbian.
00:01:49.780 So you can't change your sexuality, but you can change your gender, which in turn changes your sexuality.
00:01:57.180 That's what we're told.
00:01:58.960 Don't expect any New Year's resolutions from me.
00:02:01.980 I intend on staying the same snarky, sarcastic, foul-mouthed b**** you've all come to love.
00:02:10.740 Nobody does love you.
00:02:11.840 That's why you're like this.
00:02:14.080 I mean, this is the ultimate female cope, is what you just saw there.
00:02:17.740 Nobody likes you.
00:02:19.200 Nobody wants to be around you.
00:02:21.140 You're lonely and alone.
00:02:23.320 And so you decide to embrace that as your personality.
00:02:26.940 I'm a snarky b**** you know.
00:02:28.680 This is default.
00:02:29.560 Like, you dye your hair purple and just decide to play it off like you meant to be this incredibly off-putting and unpleasant.
00:02:37.000 So it's kind of the chicken-a-raig sort of philosophical conundrum in some ways, I suppose.
00:02:44.040 Did you start off being this way, and then nobody liked you, and so then you decide?
00:02:49.920 I think that's really what it is.
00:02:51.280 That's what all purple hair is, by the way.
00:02:53.340 It is an attempt to turn unpleasantness into a personality.
00:02:56.940 Anytime you see someone with purple hair, that's what they're doing.
00:02:59.020 That's what the game is.
00:02:59.820 Oh, this is a good question.
00:03:02.540 Here are my 2023 resolutions.
00:03:06.580 Comment your resolutions, the ones that you're comfortable sharing in the comment section.
00:03:11.800 First, I definitely want to get back to parts of me pre-panty.
00:03:19.320 You know, 2020 happened.
00:03:21.420 A lot happened.
00:03:22.740 All of our lives have been significantly changed because of it.
00:03:26.780 But, you know, there were parts of my life pre-panty.
00:03:30.160 I just want to kind of recapture the essence of my life back then.
00:03:35.520 What am I talking about?
00:03:36.940 Okay, I got to cut it off right there.
00:03:38.360 I can't even watch this anymore.
00:03:39.620 Did she just call the pandemic a panty?
00:03:41.740 Am I reading that correctly?
00:03:45.500 Pre-panty is what we're calling the pandemic now.
00:03:47.840 The pandemic was a panty.
00:03:49.340 So we have a cutesy nickname for a pandemic now.
00:03:53.280 Something tells me that this is new.
00:03:54.580 I don't think they did that like in the Black Plague.
00:03:57.400 They didn't call it the Black.
00:03:58.500 It's the Black Panty.
00:03:59.980 Two-thirds of Europe has died in the panty.
00:04:02.200 Here's the New Year's resolution.
00:04:03.700 It's not that hard to use an entire word.
00:04:07.000 And I know pandemic, you know, that's a multi-syllabic word.
00:04:11.780 And especially in the internet age, people find that very daunting.
00:04:15.760 But it actually doesn't take that much more time.
00:04:17.980 So how much time does it take to say the word panty versus pandemic?
00:04:21.180 It's like an extra millisecond you're tacking on.
00:04:24.920 And in the process, you don't have to sacrifice your dignity and sound like a clown.
00:04:30.340 So I think it's worth the commitment.
00:04:32.240 So I don't even know what her New Year's resolution is because we just skipped over it.
00:04:34.760 We'll keep going.
00:04:36.320 Y'all better not be doing any New Year's resolutions in January.
00:04:40.220 European society got you thinking that you can make New Year's resolutions in the middle of winter.
00:04:46.440 They got you thinking that you should start new things when nature is still hibernating.
00:04:51.220 This is not the time to manifest new things.
00:04:54.500 And that's why most of y'all will not succeed in your New Year's resolutions.
00:04:59.500 Mimic nature.
00:05:00.940 This is a time to drop your leaves.
00:05:04.000 Shed old things.
00:05:05.740 Hibernate.
00:05:06.640 Reflect.
00:05:07.520 Keep your ass inside.
00:05:09.360 Journal.
00:05:10.200 Meditate.
00:05:10.960 And keep dropping those old habits that no longer suit you.
00:05:14.440 And when spring comes around and nature starts waking up, then you manifest something.
00:05:20.040 And watch how everything will come to fruition.
00:05:23.460 So follow me for more tips if you want to tap back into nature.
00:05:27.540 What if I have a job, though?
00:05:29.080 That's the one problem.
00:05:31.140 Just stay inside all winter.
00:05:33.800 Yeah, I mean, if you're living in your parents' house, then I suppose you can do that.
00:05:38.220 Speaking of turning things into personalities and just going with it.
00:05:41.740 So, you know, you get the unpleasant women, put the purple hair on.
00:05:44.480 It's like, well, this is my personality now.
00:05:46.040 And then there's this, too.
00:05:47.440 Someone who's just a loser, doesn't have a job, and is living at their parents' house.
00:05:52.080 And then decides to wear a bunch of jewelry and a turban or whatever that is.
00:05:55.540 And then say, I'm enlightened.
00:05:57.740 I'm going to repackage myself as enlightened and above it all.
00:06:02.420 No, it's just you don't have a job.
00:06:03.580 That's what it is.
00:06:04.120 Although, I do kind of like this idea.
00:06:07.640 I mean, there's something to it.
00:06:08.940 I'm going to start using this with my wife when she tells me, like, oh, we need to clean
00:06:13.180 out the garage this weekend.
00:06:14.360 I can say, no, sorry, it's winter.
00:06:16.220 I don't manifest new things in the winter, okay?
00:06:18.600 I can't manifest a new, a clean garage right now.
00:06:21.940 Get back to me in the springtime.
00:06:23.660 Nature is hibernating right now.
00:06:25.640 No, nature is not.
00:06:26.880 Like, there's still nature.
00:06:28.400 You do understand that, right?
00:06:29.400 It's, it's, that's, nature itself doesn't go away.
00:06:34.040 Nature just, you walk outside and that's, and it's all nature.
00:06:37.880 Have we even heard one real resolution?
00:06:40.720 So I've decided for 2023, I'm just going to keep getting hotter and weirder.
00:06:48.920 That's my resolution too, I have to say.
00:06:50.860 But I will say in your case, the makeup seems to be, so you want to get hotter and weirder.
00:06:55.280 The makeup seems to be helping with the weirder resolution, but it's not doing much for the
00:06:59.780 hotter resolution.
00:07:01.200 This is just me.
00:07:11.200 Okay, you know what?
00:07:12.340 I just wanted something easy, like eat my vegetables.
00:07:15.720 This, why?
00:07:17.460 You know, she's actually right.
00:07:18.440 You know, love yourself is a, that's a difficult resolution to manifest, as the other guy would
00:07:25.440 say.
00:07:25.820 It's actually a horrible resolution.
00:07:27.740 It's basically impossible.
00:07:29.100 Like, you can't decide that my New Year's resolution is I'm going to love myself more.
00:07:32.960 You can sit around all day thinking about yourself and thinking about how you feel about yourself
00:07:39.120 and it just becomes this self-cannibalizing cycle where you're circling around the drain.
00:07:43.680 And you could do that, but you're not going to be able to conjure this love for yourself
00:07:48.620 that you're trying to, which is why it would be a really bad way to go into the New Year.
00:07:53.940 Loving yourself, I'm not saying that you shouldn't love yourself.
00:07:58.160 We are all made in the image of God.
00:08:01.420 And so we are God's creation.
00:08:04.740 And so for that reason, we should love ourselves.
00:08:07.920 We should even, we should accept ourselves.
00:08:10.280 That's true.
00:08:10.980 Think of it more of a byproduct of a healthy life.
00:08:15.460 You're living a healthy life.
00:08:16.960 You will also love yourself, but not in this self-obsessive way.
00:08:20.700 It's more like you're just, you're fulfilling your responsibilities.
00:08:23.140 You're doing your duty.
00:08:24.760 You're living a healthy life.
00:08:27.120 And then one day you look back and you realize, oh, I feel good about myself.
00:08:30.360 I love myself.
00:08:31.540 It's a byproduct.
00:08:32.620 It's just something that, it's something that comes along with the territory of doing
00:08:36.600 the things that you're supposed to do.
00:08:38.120 So focus on those things rather than, because what people do these days is they do it the
00:08:42.220 other way around.
00:08:42.820 They sit around and think, well, I need to feel better.
00:08:45.360 Before I can do anything, before I can do anything constructive and have a healthy life,
00:08:50.080 I need to feel better about myself first.
00:08:52.040 And then once I feel better about myself, then I can start doing all of the healthy things.
00:08:55.700 But there's no reason for you to feel better about yourself because you're not doing anything
00:08:58.660 that will create those feelings.
00:09:01.380 You see, that's the problem.
00:09:02.620 Hi, this is for my Gaby friends.
00:09:05.200 But if you're not a Gaby, you're more than welcome to stay.
00:09:07.420 We're inclusive here.
00:09:08.540 I'm sitting here in my closet thinking of you and knowing that some of you might be setting
00:09:12.120 a resolution to come out this year.
00:09:14.200 Would it make it easier if you had someone to practice with?
00:09:16.620 I'm happy to be your practice person.
00:09:18.820 I'll go live at two o'clock central time on New Year's Day if you want to practice coming
00:09:23.320 out to me.
00:09:24.160 I'm here and I welcome you.
00:09:25.920 If you want to ask me anything else, you can do that too.
00:09:28.320 See you on New Year's.
00:09:29.420 I don't know exactly what's going on here.
00:09:31.560 This is an old woman in a closet talking to her Gaby's and offering to let them practice
00:09:37.180 coming out to her.
00:09:39.320 This is, imagine this is your grandmother.
00:09:42.740 Where's grandma?
00:09:43.340 She's in the closet shooting another TikTok video.
00:09:47.000 I guess this is the new version of a guy in a van offering free candy.
00:09:50.920 This is some of the least subtle grooming I've ever seen.
00:09:55.780 You know what?
00:09:56.100 As far as coming out as your news resolution goes, I've got a different idea, very similar
00:10:01.900 to what we said before.
00:10:03.020 How about this?
00:10:03.600 Here's a good resolution, especially for people on TikTok.
00:10:07.640 Stop talking about your sexuality.
00:10:11.020 Stop obsessing over it.
00:10:12.940 Stop making it your whole essence and personality.
00:10:16.360 Try to formulate some kind of existence outside of that.
00:10:19.820 You know what?
00:10:20.200 Actually, stop thinking about yourself in general to the extent that you can.
00:10:23.920 And go out and live your life.
00:10:27.560 Tamp down the narcissism.
00:10:29.140 That will give you less content for TikTok videos, but it will lead to an actually happy
00:10:35.520 new year.
00:10:36.620 Happy new year, happy new year, may we all have a vision.