The Matt Walsh Show - January 13, 2023


Matt Walsh's Rules of the Road


Episode Stats


Length

12 minutes

Words per minute

186.38416

Word count

2,422

Sentence count

182

Harmful content

Misogyny

2

sentences flagged

Hate speech

7

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

Candace and Matt are joined by a guest who thinks cyclists should be allowed to ride in the opposite lane of traffic to make it easier for bad drivers to see traffic behind them. The guys debate whether or not this is a good idea.

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
00:00:00.000 Bad boys, bad boys, what you gonna do, what you gonna do when they come for you?
00:00:13.740 Matt, you always talk about how shopping cart ditchers are psychopathic monsters,
00:00:18.180 but what other small infractions indicate that someone is literally a Nazi?
00:00:22.540 I have one, bumper riders.
00:00:24.520 People who ride your bumper in traffic should be excommunicated from Earth.
00:00:28.360 I could not disagree more with you, Candace, I'm afraid.
00:00:31.860 In fact, you are the one who should be excommunicated and banned from the show, obviously.
00:00:35.580 Because if you're, I don't have this problem with people riding my bumper.
00:00:38.220 Do you know why?
00:00:38.940 Because I keep up with the speed of traffic.
00:00:40.820 And I'm not gonna be in the fast lane going, you know, 60 miles an hour.
00:00:44.800 I realize that if you're in the fast lane on the highway,
00:00:46.680 you need to be going at least 25 miles over the limit, at least, to justify being in the fast lane.
00:00:53.180 So I don't have this issue.
00:00:54.760 If you have this issue, it means that you are driving too slow.
00:00:59.220 I'm an unapologetic bumper rider because it's just my way of communicating to you
00:01:05.580 that you need to speed up or move over.
00:01:08.500 How else am I gonna communicate it?
00:01:09.960 So, yes, there are other seemingly small infractions that indicate that someone is literally a Nazi.
00:01:18.960 And driving too slow is one of those things, unfortunately, Candace.
00:01:22.700 You are a Nazi.
00:01:25.160 And banned from the show.
00:01:34.160 This is important that I talk to you about this.
00:01:36.400 You guys know how I feel about cyclists.
00:01:39.540 I am not a fan of cyclists at all.
00:01:43.100 And here is, we have the tweet from...
00:01:44.700 Someone put out...
00:01:48.180 Okay, here it is.
00:01:49.120 Jeremy Vine.
00:01:50.680 I don't know who that is exactly.
00:01:52.820 But he's got a big following, so he's a well-known guy.
00:01:55.460 He put out a tweet a couple of days ago
00:01:56.960 with a video of cyclists on a backcountry road.
00:02:01.040 And they're not, like, lined up one by one in single file line.
00:02:05.160 There's four or five of them across, taking up the entire lane.
00:02:09.520 And Jeremy Vine says,
00:02:10.720 People who cycle in the country should be encouraged to ride two, three, and four abreast like this
00:02:15.820 for the following reasons.
00:02:17.800 One, it calms the traffic behind them
00:02:19.940 and makes it less easy for bad drivers to attempt dangerous passes.
00:02:24.620 Three, it's more pleasant and sociable for them.
00:02:28.520 All right.
00:02:29.260 Let me tell you, if you're a cyclist.
00:02:32.100 As a motorist myself,
00:02:34.720 let me give you the scoop.
00:02:37.540 It absolutely does not calm the traffic behind you
00:02:41.260 when you're holding us all up.
00:02:42.880 We are not calm behind you.
00:02:44.940 You might be calm and having a nice time.
00:02:46.860 We are not.
00:02:47.420 We're very angry.
00:02:49.480 And it doesn't make passing you easier or less dangerous
00:02:53.360 when we can't see as well what's in front of you.
00:02:58.180 And as far as it being more pleasant and sociable,
00:03:00.320 it might be.
00:03:01.220 But let me tell you something else.
00:03:02.300 We don't give a damn.
00:03:04.720 If your ride is pleasant and sociable,
00:03:07.060 as I tweeted back to this guy,
00:03:08.340 I said, nobody gives a damn.
00:03:09.280 If your ride is pleasant and sociable,
00:03:11.020 you roadway parasite, get out of the way. 1.00
00:03:14.360 You know, I think I have a really
00:03:16.000 gentle way of going about these things, don't I?
00:03:21.160 You are.
00:03:21.500 You're like a barnacle.
00:03:22.860 You're a parrot.
00:03:23.400 Something worse than that.
00:03:24.440 You're a parasitic infestation of the roadway.
00:03:32.260 Oh, it's a pleasant and sociable ride.
00:03:35.340 That's not what the road is for.
00:03:37.840 It is there for cars to get from point A to point B.
00:03:42.540 That's why it's there.
00:03:44.120 You want pleasant and sociable?
00:03:46.000 Go on a bike path in the woods.
00:03:47.720 Or go to the gym and get on a stationary bicycle
00:03:52.080 and sit next to someone.
00:03:53.480 You can have all the conversation,
00:03:54.620 be as pleasant and sociable as you want.
00:03:57.900 There are places for that.
00:03:59.860 The road is not a recreational place.
00:04:02.660 There are places for recreation.
00:04:04.660 The road is not one of them.
00:04:05.620 It's like I said before,
00:04:08.440 I see no difference between this
00:04:10.600 and me taking a board game
00:04:17.800 and just putting it in the middle of the road
00:04:20.000 and sitting around with some people
00:04:22.520 and playing a board game.
00:04:23.600 It's pleasant, it's sociable.
00:04:24.820 It's how I like to enjoy myself.
00:04:26.500 It's a recreational activity.
00:04:29.580 There's a time and place where the road is not that.
00:04:32.800 It wasn't made for you.
00:04:34.380 I got news for you.
00:04:36.280 The road was made,
00:04:38.020 these paved roads,
00:04:39.780 okay, that cars go on,
00:04:41.140 they were made specifically for cars.
00:04:43.820 That's why they're there.
00:04:46.340 There are places made for you.
00:04:47.840 It's not the road.
00:04:50.480 And someone,
00:04:51.280 I also wanted to show you this.
00:04:52.260 We have someone else,
00:04:53.000 someone responded to me on Twitter
00:04:54.540 and I was just trying to make sense of this.
00:04:56.620 This is someone who's a cyclist
00:04:58.760 and they were very upset at what I said,
00:05:00.760 calling, you know,
00:05:01.440 all I did was call cyclists roadway parasites.
00:05:03.320 I don't see the big deal.
00:05:03.940 But he said,
00:05:05.600 eat crap and die, 0.99
00:05:07.220 apiarist scum. 0.58
00:05:10.460 I got to say,
00:05:11.100 that is the first time
00:05:12.300 I've ever heard that phrase,
00:05:13.560 apiarist scum. 0.58
00:05:14.440 Apiarist is a beekeeper,
00:05:15.760 which I am.
00:05:16.560 Well, I'm a beekeeper in spirit right now
00:05:18.040 because when we moved,
00:05:19.240 I had to give away all the bees,
00:05:20.120 unfortunately.
00:05:20.400 But in my heart,
00:05:21.260 I'm still a beekeeper.
00:05:22.260 Once a beekeeper,
00:05:23.080 always a beekeeper.
00:05:24.500 This is a level of hostility
00:05:26.500 towards beekeepers
00:05:27.320 that I have never seen before.
00:05:30.260 Apiarist scum.
00:05:32.700 Was this guy like some supervillain
00:05:34.200 from Captain Planet?
00:05:37.000 He's got some sort of plot
00:05:38.180 to destroy all the bees
00:05:40.180 in the world for no reason.
00:05:42.780 Very strange.
00:05:43.860 Lots of anger on Twitter.
00:05:45.520 And again,
00:05:45.840 I don't know what I did to provoke it.
00:05:47.440 All I said was,
00:05:48.180 all I did was call people parasites.
00:05:49.240 That's it.
00:05:57.680 I'm going to be very petty.
00:05:59.580 Granted,
00:06:00.180 this segment is almost always petty.
00:06:02.040 I really could call the segment
00:06:03.300 five minutes of pettiness
00:06:04.400 and that would probably capture
00:06:05.640 the spirit of what I'm doing here.
00:06:07.100 But in any case,
00:06:07.700 I'm feeling especially petty today
00:06:09.380 after driving into work this morning.
00:06:11.500 And the problem with driving
00:06:12.680 to work every morning
00:06:13.660 is that I live in Nashville.
00:06:15.500 And though the people of Nashville
00:06:16.720 are wonderful in many ways,
00:06:18.160 they are not wonderful on the road.
00:06:20.480 This town is populated
00:06:21.400 by all of the world's worst drivers.
00:06:23.920 I don't know if bad drivers come here
00:06:25.460 so that they can be with their own kind.
00:06:28.580 Maybe Nashville has become
00:06:29.560 something of a mecca
00:06:30.340 for incompetent motorists.
00:06:31.920 They come here on pilgrimages.
00:06:33.820 Many die along the way.
00:06:35.980 Or maybe after coming here,
00:06:37.600 good drivers become bad.
00:06:39.720 Is there something in the water?
00:06:40.900 Is there something in the Tennessee whiskey?
00:06:44.360 I mean, I suppose there probably
00:06:45.280 definitely is something in the whiskey
00:06:46.460 that would make you a bad driver.
00:06:47.600 Maybe I've just solved the riddle.
00:06:48.680 I don't know.
00:06:49.360 This is a question for psychiatrists
00:06:50.620 and anthropologists to study.
00:06:51.880 All I know is that
00:06:52.540 as I drive into Nashville,
00:06:53.720 I get a literal front row seat
00:06:55.760 to witness every bad driving habit
00:06:57.720 every single morning
00:06:58.940 ramped up by a factor of 10.
00:07:01.040 So just to give you an example
00:07:02.080 of the kind of thing
00:07:02.920 you might encounter
00:07:04.200 as you travel the highways
00:07:05.260 and byways of our lovely town.
00:07:07.320 I have on multiple occasions
00:07:08.780 witnessed people screech to a halt
00:07:11.280 on the highway.
00:07:12.720 I mean a dead stop from 70 to zero
00:07:15.820 so they don't miss their exit.
00:07:18.060 I saw a guy once blow past his exit,
00:07:20.940 screech to a stop, 0.66
00:07:22.500 drive onto the shoulder
00:07:23.640 and reverse on the shoulder
00:07:25.560 back to his exit.
00:07:27.420 I witnessed this
00:07:28.400 because I was the guy right behind him.
00:07:30.320 The guy who,
00:07:31.240 if not for my own incredible skill,
00:07:33.140 I'm the only skilled driver
00:07:34.280 in the entire state, by the way.
00:07:35.900 If not for that,
00:07:36.580 I would have rammed right into him,
00:07:38.280 killing him
00:07:38.860 and far more tragically,
00:07:40.160 myself.
00:07:41.700 But he didn't believe
00:07:42.600 that I existed.
00:07:43.360 Now for him,
00:07:44.540 the other drivers
00:07:45.420 are mere phantoms.
00:07:46.500 They're aberrations.
00:07:47.300 We exist only in the theoretical.
00:07:49.380 He is the only corporeal life form
00:07:51.280 on the road,
00:07:52.020 which is why he can do
00:07:52.940 whatever he wants
00:07:53.560 and be as reckless as he wants
00:07:54.800 without fear of colliding
00:07:55.840 with another solid object.
00:07:57.500 That's how he views it anyway,
00:07:58.800 unless,
00:07:59.120 until he learns otherwise
00:07:59.920 and learns it the hard way.
00:08:01.700 And lots of people in Nashville
00:08:03.100 learn that lesson
00:08:04.040 the hard way every day.
00:08:05.780 I drive about 10 miles to work
00:08:07.240 and in that 10 miles,
00:08:08.220 every day,
00:08:09.140 I pass three or four accidents.
00:08:11.080 Every day.
00:08:12.380 And that's if the weather is good.
00:08:13.840 If it's bad
00:08:14.560 or even just mildly unpleasant,
00:08:16.940 the highways look like
00:08:17.760 the walking dead.
00:08:18.560 Cars and bodies
00:08:19.480 littered all over the place.
00:08:20.480 A truck flipped upside down.
00:08:21.880 Someone's Jeep
00:08:22.380 is stuck up in a tree somehow.
00:08:24.220 A guy in a motorcycle
00:08:25.100 is like dangling over the overpass.
00:08:27.600 It would appear
00:08:28.520 that as soon as
00:08:29.400 the first raindrop
00:08:30.240 hits the windshield,
00:08:31.060 people panic
00:08:31.720 and just drive directly
00:08:33.380 into the nearest object.
00:08:35.220 And this is all
00:08:35.900 very distressing for me
00:08:36.840 because then I
00:08:37.720 am in the unfortunate
00:08:38.880 psychological position
00:08:39.960 of feeling annoyed
00:08:41.440 at all of these people,
00:08:42.420 even though half of them
00:08:43.220 may well be dead.
00:08:44.960 I don't want to be annoyed
00:08:46.480 at your pain and suffering.
00:08:48.620 I don't,
00:08:48.880 I don't like that.
00:08:50.320 But you're making me
00:08:51.140 late for work.
00:08:52.320 And you should have learned
00:08:53.160 to drive before you got
00:08:54.160 on the road.
00:08:56.240 Yes,
00:08:56.580 you know,
00:08:56.980 yet this is,
00:08:57.520 this is all really,
00:08:58.440 I think,
00:08:58.540 a preamble to my main point.
00:08:59.820 I could continue
00:09:00.400 complaining about
00:09:00.860 Nashville drivers
00:09:01.480 for another 35 minutes,
00:09:02.400 but I'm not sure
00:09:02.780 how relevant
00:09:03.120 that kind of content
00:09:03.900 would be to the
00:09:04.660 average non-Nashville citizen.
00:09:05.960 My main point is this.
00:09:07.620 I could run all
00:09:08.480 of the worst driving habits
00:09:09.320 on my local roads,
00:09:10.420 but none of it
00:09:11.340 is unique to Nashville.
00:09:12.700 The volume and frequency
00:09:13.960 is unique,
00:09:14.400 but bad drivers
00:09:15.120 are everywhere
00:09:15.680 all over this nation of ours.
00:09:17.460 And I have,
00:09:18.320 you know,
00:09:18.660 I have,
00:09:19.100 I have to navigate
00:09:19.860 around them
00:09:20.420 everywhere I go.
00:09:21.360 And the number one
00:09:22.680 habit
00:09:23.720 of bad drivers everywhere,
00:09:25.700 at least on the highway,
00:09:26.880 is that they don't know
00:09:29.240 how to merge.
00:09:30.540 I was almost killed
00:09:31.480 yet again this morning
00:09:32.260 by a bad merger,
00:09:33.680 which is why it's
00:09:34.360 top of my mind.
00:09:35.000 And I'll tell you
00:09:35.380 what happened.
00:09:36.340 I was driving along
00:09:37.400 on the highway,
00:09:38.560 preparing to get off
00:09:39.280 on my exit.
00:09:40.360 See,
00:09:40.760 I had already positioned
00:09:41.560 myself in the right most lane
00:09:43.480 because my exit
00:09:44.140 was a mile ahead
00:09:44.960 and I wanted to be ready
00:09:46.180 to take it
00:09:46.780 when the time came.
00:09:47.880 I didn't stay
00:09:48.560 in the left lane
00:09:49.240 until my exit
00:09:49.840 was 25 feet away
00:09:51.080 and then attempt
00:09:51.760 to cut across
00:09:52.320 four lanes of traffic.
00:09:53.220 I didn't do that.
00:09:55.160 You see,
00:09:55.360 I was already
00:09:55.800 in the right lane
00:09:56.640 before the exit comes.
00:09:59.240 But as I was driving
00:10:00.020 in that right lane
00:10:00.660 anticipating my exit,
00:10:02.000 somebody in the merge lane
00:10:03.020 entering the highway
00:10:03.700 from the entrance ramp
00:10:04.700 just before my exit
00:10:05.580 suddenly jerked
00:10:06.860 onto the highway
00:10:07.480 into my lane
00:10:08.220 going about 15 miles an hour.
00:10:10.060 I had to once again
00:10:10.640 slam on my brakes,
00:10:12.340 saving my life
00:10:13.080 and undeservedly his.
00:10:14.680 I then hit my horn
00:10:15.780 in retribution
00:10:16.380 and shouted,
00:10:16.960 you know,
00:10:17.140 you dumbass learned
00:10:17.840 to drive or whatever,
00:10:19.000 but he couldn't hear me.
00:10:19.760 No doubt,
00:10:20.120 he went on his merry way
00:10:21.260 oblivious to the fact
00:10:22.340 that he just had
00:10:23.400 a near-death experience.
00:10:24.880 For this guy,
00:10:25.440 this probably happens
00:10:25.980 every day.
00:10:26.840 His life is saved
00:10:27.960 every day
00:10:28.500 and he doesn't
00:10:29.140 even know it.
00:10:30.640 Now,
00:10:31.020 this idiot
00:10:31.360 made the same mistake
00:10:32.140 that the majority
00:10:32.880 of drivers
00:10:33.680 who are also idiots 0.91
00:10:34.620 seem to make.
00:10:36.480 Somehow,
00:10:37.420 you know,
00:10:37.660 we require that new drivers
00:10:38.960 go through a driving test,
00:10:40.300 but merging
00:10:41.420 doesn't make it
00:10:42.280 into the exam.
00:10:43.440 And the result
00:10:44.180 is that the highway
00:10:44.860 is filled
00:10:45.360 with suicide bombers
00:10:46.560 and kamikaze pilots
00:10:47.780 who plunge into traffic,
00:10:50.020 taking their lives
00:10:50.760 into their hands
00:10:51.240 every time they do it.
00:10:53.340 Merging is an art 0.75
00:10:54.320 almost entirely lost
00:10:55.800 in our world today.
00:10:56.760 So let me give you
00:10:57.620 the tutorial.
00:10:59.580 When you're entering
00:11:00.480 the highway,
00:11:01.660 you will notice
00:11:02.880 that the other cars
00:11:04.860 on the highway,
00:11:05.840 they're all going fast.
00:11:08.560 And this,
00:11:09.280 it would seem,
00:11:09.840 frightens the average driver
00:11:11.020 and so they come
00:11:11.760 to a dead stop
00:11:12.880 in the middle
00:11:13.460 of the merge lane
00:11:14.280 waiting for a hole
00:11:15.420 in the traffic,
00:11:16.100 not realizing
00:11:16.680 that the hole
00:11:17.320 in traffic,
00:11:18.020 this is physics,
00:11:19.040 moves with the traffic.
00:11:21.340 And they then
00:11:22.040 insert themselves
00:11:22.940 into that gap
00:11:23.740 at a speed
00:11:24.120 about 90% slower
00:11:25.280 than the rest
00:11:25.700 of the cars
00:11:26.040 on the road.
00:11:26.980 Then comes the accident
00:11:28.040 and people die
00:11:28.760 and worst of all,
00:11:29.900 I am inconvenienced.
00:11:31.320 Here's the way
00:11:31.880 it's supposed to work.
00:11:33.460 When merging
00:11:34.180 into traffic,
00:11:35.300 you increase your speed.
00:11:37.660 Go faster.
00:11:39.300 Get up to the speed
00:11:40.180 of the traffic
00:11:40.760 on the road.
00:11:42.040 You have a whole lane,
00:11:42.960 remember?
00:11:43.240 Usually a merge lane
00:11:43.960 will extend
00:11:44.400 for dozens of feet
00:11:45.200 or more.
00:11:46.200 So make use
00:11:46.980 of that lane
00:11:47.580 that's been given
00:11:48.260 to you for that purpose.
00:11:49.600 Speed up,
00:11:50.520 pick your spot,
00:11:51.600 seamlessly merge
00:11:52.660 into that spot
00:11:53.460 while going
00:11:53.940 the same speed
00:11:54.760 as the cars
00:11:55.600 in front
00:11:55.940 and behind you.
00:11:57.020 If you do it
00:11:57.600 correctly,
00:11:58.900 nobody should have
00:11:59.820 to hit their brakes
00:12:00.460 at all
00:12:00.860 to accommodate you.
00:12:02.440 If you're waiting
00:12:03.260 for someone
00:12:03.680 to let you in
00:12:04.520 thinking that,
00:12:05.100 you know,
00:12:05.260 they'll slam
00:12:05.740 on their brakes,
00:12:06.560 bringing traffic
00:12:07.140 to a standstill
00:12:07.840 and roll out
00:12:08.720 the red carpet
00:12:09.280 for you,
00:12:10.180 you're not approaching
00:12:10.820 the situation
00:12:11.420 the right way.
00:12:12.420 It is your job
00:12:13.220 to assimilate yourself
00:12:14.600 into traffic,
00:12:15.800 to become one
00:12:16.620 with the flow
00:12:17.240 of traffic,
00:12:17.820 to take your place
00:12:18.820 on that great dance floor
00:12:20.240 that is the highway
00:12:21.140 without anyone else
00:12:22.220 having to break
00:12:22.760 their rhythm.
00:12:24.620 That is your solemn
00:12:25.620 and sacred responsibility.
00:12:27.180 It's why there's
00:12:27.760 a yield sign
00:12:28.400 in the merge lane,
00:12:29.120 not a stop sign.
00:12:31.060 Learn the difference,
00:12:32.640 you suicidal maniac. 0.90
00:12:35.320 Now, if all of this
00:12:36.100 is too complicated
00:12:36.660 for you,
00:12:37.080 and it is for some people,
00:12:38.400 or if you find highways
00:12:39.480 too intimidating,
00:12:40.400 then stay home.
00:12:42.360 Save us all the trouble.
00:12:44.160 Save our lives
00:12:45.100 and your own.
00:12:47.440 Otherwise,
00:12:47.960 I have no choice
00:12:48.520 but to say
00:12:49.000 you're canceled.
00:12:52.060 And we'll leave it there
00:12:52.860 for today.
00:12:53.540 Bad boys,
00:12:54.640 bad boys,
00:12:55.460 what you gonna do?
00:12:56.800 What you gonna do
00:12:57.900 when they come for you?