The Matt Walsh Show - June 24, 2023


Matt Walsh Tries (And Fails) To Play Call Of Duty


Episode Stats

Length

8 minutes

Words per Minute

181.81459

Word Count

1,535

Sentence Count

21

Misogynist Sentences

4


Summary

In this episode of Fatherz's Bible in a Year Podcast, Mike Schmitz plays Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3 and gives his thoughts on the graphics, gameplay, and other aspects of the video game.


Transcript

00:00:00.000 Well, I don't know if you have heard about this, but something really is really popular these days with the kids are video games
00:00:06.440 Die! Die! Die!
00:00:08.440 Well a lot of kids play the video games and even more than that they
00:00:12.160 Apparently kids will also sit and watch other people play video games
00:00:18.880 On the internet
00:00:20.880 I want to judge you for that if you if you do that
00:00:25.520 But then again, I will sit and watch a YouTube video of somebody bass fishing for two and a half hours
00:00:31.080 Look at Cody's fish. Show him the belly on that thing. Give him a dang spankin' too. You've been a little naughty today
00:00:36.200 So I guess I can't really judge too much. So today I'm going to play a video game and I guess offer my review of it or something
00:00:43.200 Last video game system I owned was and the last one I played was Super Nintendo
00:00:48.860 I was big Super Mario Brothers fan. Super Mario World rather
00:00:53.180 We're gonna give this a shot. This is um
00:00:55.840 What is this that I'm playing? This is Call of Duty
00:00:58.480 It's a Call of Duty Modern Warfare
00:01:01.200 Call of Duty Modern Warfare is what this is and well
00:01:04.540 I've literally never played a game like this in my entire life, but we will I don't even know how to start it
00:01:09.620 They gave me the quick tutorial and I already forgot how to how do I start it?
00:01:12.440 So you're gonna push the X button to begin the game. Okay
00:01:17.400 X
00:01:20.600 All right, we're in London
00:01:22.600 What's the mission? Can I skip past all the I don't care about the story?
00:01:25.640 I just want to get I want to get into shooting people. That's the main thing I'm into here
00:01:29.560 It's only about a 20 second cutscene and then you'll get to the action
00:01:33.560 Okay, but I'm still bored
00:01:35.560 Looks like we're on our own lads
00:01:37.560 We land up here. Let's get it done. Yeah
00:01:39.640 Hey, sir
00:01:40.520 Sergeant
00:01:41.560 Yeah, these graphics are pretty impressive. I gotta say these are pretty fancy graphics
00:01:44.520 White van
00:01:45.480 That that is the level of a review you're gonna get from me. These are some fancy graphics
00:01:50.480 All right
00:01:51.480 So let's
00:01:53.480 First of all, I'm not seeing any coins to collect
00:01:56.480 Are there any like mushrooms that will make me grow tall or help me fly?
00:02:00.520 Not in war
00:02:01.560 How do I shoot?
00:02:05.560 You broke the rules of engagement don't shoot first
00:02:07.560 What what is the fun of a video game where you can't shoot first?
00:02:10.560 We're letting out our violent fantasies so we so we because so we don't do it in real life. Isn't that the whole point?
00:02:15.560 Oh God, I just stabbed a parking attendant. Where's the button to turn myself in?
00:02:21.560 What's happening right now?
00:02:23.560 What's happening right now?
00:02:25.560 Oh
00:02:27.560 Oh
00:02:29.560 Okay
00:02:31.560 Am I going to wait? I just
00:02:33.560 Son of a
00:02:35.560 Do I can I jump on them and make them disappear?
00:02:39.560 How do I jump?
00:02:41.560 X the X button
00:02:43.560 But if I jump that won't do anything
00:02:47.560 Can I kick?
00:02:49.560 No
00:02:51.560 No
00:02:53.560 How do I duck?
00:02:55.560 How do I duck?
00:02:57.560 What?
00:03:01.560 I don't know what's happening right now. First of all, this is
00:03:03.560 Can I just say something before we continue?
00:03:05.560 The graphics are impressive
00:03:07.560 Very fancy, very real looking
00:03:09.560 But isn't the whole
00:03:11.560 For me, going back to my childhood
00:03:15.560 Playing Super Mario World
00:03:17.560 You're in this cartoon
00:03:19.560 You're in basically someone else's LSD
00:03:22.560 Hallucination
00:03:23.560 And I thought that was sort of the point
00:03:25.560 So what's the
00:03:26.560 If I want to be in reality
00:03:28.560 Then
00:03:29.560 If I want to be in an environment that looks like a street
00:03:32.560 I'll just go out to the street
00:03:35.560 Well, this looks almost like the real world
00:03:37.560 Well, it's the real world's right here
00:03:39.560 You know what? I can just look away from the TV and look over here
00:03:41.560 Whoa, those are good graphics
00:03:43.560 So, I don't know, there's almost too much realism for me
00:03:46.560 It's like I can touch you
00:03:48.560 You know, it's clear that the left is giving up their morals and any common sense
00:03:51.560 There's no better time than to build a daily habit of prayer and meditation
00:03:56.560 Building a habit of prayer can help you cultivate an attitude of gratitude
00:03:59.560 Focusing on what you're thankful for can increase positive emotions and improve overall wellbeing
00:04:03.560 Hallow is the number one Christian prayer app in the U.S.
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00:04:09.560 It can help you too
00:04:10.560 Download the app for free at Hallow.com
00:04:12.560 You can set prayer reminders and track your progress along the way
00:04:16.560 Not sure where to start?
00:04:17.560 Well, check out Father Mike Schmitz's Bible in a Year podcast
00:04:19.560 Available on the app for brief daily readings and reflections
00:04:23.560 Or you can pray alongside Mark Wahlberg, Jim Caviezel
00:04:25.560 Even some world-class athletes as well
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00:04:40.560 Ultimately, we'll learn how we can become better individuals
00:04:43.560 In spite of today's broken world as we strive to become more like Christ
00:04:47.560 In our daily lives through prayer, fasting, and giving
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00:04:58.560 Okay, how do I switch my weapon to get something a little bit more
00:05:02.560 Uh, if you go through a gun on the ground and push square
00:05:06.560 A gun on the ground, okay
00:05:07.560 Where's the gun on the ground?
00:05:08.560 Walk the opposite direction
00:05:09.560 It's, it's, I'm turning around way too fast
00:05:12.560 Oh, right there
00:05:14.560 No, I wanted like a bazooka or something
00:05:16.560 Do I have like a machine gun or
00:05:18.560 Let's get, let's get going here
00:05:19.560 Let's start shooting some people
00:05:20.560 Oh
00:05:21.560 God, I'm a son of a
00:05:24.560 So there's been a terrorist attack in London
00:05:27.560 And now
00:05:28.560 We're going out to kill the terrorists
00:05:31.560 America!
00:05:32.560 Yeah!
00:05:33.560 My team has deserted me there
00:05:35.560 You're walking away from the action
00:05:37.560 Wait, how do I get back to it?
00:05:39.560 I didn't
00:05:40.560 I wanted to go around the corner and cut off the bad guys on the other side
00:05:44.560 This is big brain time
00:05:45.560 Alright
00:05:46.560 So
00:05:47.560 Well, maybe the civilians should get out of the freaking way
00:05:51.560 What are you doing running through live fire you morons
00:05:58.560 Well, get down, get behind a car or something
00:06:01.560 Get down, don't
00:06:02.560 I didn't even shoot that guy
00:06:04.560 I didn't shoot him
00:06:05.560 I didn't shoot him
00:06:06.560 Okay, I did shoot that guy
00:06:10.560 You know what, this is their fault
00:06:15.560 I'm just firing and
00:06:18.560 I got this guy
00:06:20.560 That's your teammate
00:06:23.560 Oh
00:06:24.560 Wait, how do I get back to that?
00:06:26.560 Wait a second, I'm shooting this guy
00:06:32.560 So, how am I doing so far? Pretty poorly?
00:06:35.560 A good soldier if I've ever seen one
00:06:38.560 I can tell you right now
00:06:39.560 I'm not a video game fan
00:06:42.560 Because, you know, somewhat infamously
00:06:44.560 You know, there's kind of a story behind that
00:06:46.560 Sort of a traumatic story
00:06:47.560 But this is actually my
00:06:48.560 Maybe my super
00:06:49.560 My super villain origin story
00:06:51.560 Because I wanted Nintendo 64 for Christmas
00:06:53.560 N64 for Christmas
00:06:54.560 N64 rules
00:06:57.560 And I was told by my parents
00:06:58.560 Oh yeah, we'll get you Nintendo for Christmas
00:07:00.560 And so I was bragging about it
00:07:01.560 Oh, I'm gonna get N64 for Christmas
00:07:03.560 And then Christmas comes
00:07:04.560 And all my friends get N64
00:07:06.560 And I got Super Nintendo
00:07:08.560 Ha ha!
00:07:09.560 And then I went to school the next day
00:07:10.560 And everyone was talking about their N64s
00:07:12.560 And I don't want to be embarrassed
00:07:13.560 So I lied
00:07:14.560 And said that I got N64 too
00:07:16.560 And they were asking me
00:07:17.560 Oh, what kind of games did you play?
00:07:18.560 What kind of games?
00:07:19.560 Oh, you know, yeah
00:07:20.560 That's the normal ones
00:07:21.560 And it was this whole web of lies
00:07:23.560 Until finally it was exposed
00:07:24.560 When some friends came over
00:07:25.560 And saw that I only had a Super Nintendo
00:07:26.560 Anyway
00:07:27.560 The point is
00:07:28.560 Maybe that's the reason why
00:07:29.560 I've always hated video games
00:07:30.560 And I don't play them now
00:07:32.560 Or
00:07:33.560 It's possible I don't play them now
00:07:34.560 Because I'm
00:07:35.560 What do you call it?
00:07:36.560 A grown-up
00:07:37.560 I'm a grown-ass man
00:07:38.560 And that's really the main thing
00:07:39.560 Alright, I'll try it one more time
00:07:41.560 What's the objective?
00:07:43.560 I kill the terrorists and then
00:07:45.560 Just to stay alive
00:07:46.560 My objective now is just to survive
00:07:49.560 For more than 30 seconds
00:07:50.560 Alright, I feel pretty safe here
00:07:52.560 Apparently not
00:07:53.560 Fuck behind this plant here
00:07:55.560 Oh
00:07:56.560 Oh, he's right there
00:07:58.560 I got him right in the crotch
00:08:00.560 I don't get extra lives?
00:08:02.560 Or do I get
00:08:03.560 Isn't that a video game thing?
00:08:04.560 I'm just gonna keep going
00:08:05.560 I'm charging into a line of fire
00:08:09.560 I'm taking fire, but it's alright
00:08:11.560 This is courage right now on my part
00:08:15.560 Courageous soldier is a dead soldier
00:08:17.560 As they say
00:08:19.560 And there I go
00:08:24.560 I think I did pretty well
00:08:25.560 All things considered