The Matt Walsh Show - December 19, 2021


Try to Laugh Chelsea Handler vs Hannah Gadsby


Episode Stats


Length

16 minutes

Words per minute

186.81453

Word count

3,066

Sentence count

308

Harmful content

Misogyny

36

sentences flagged

Hate speech

12

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

Chelsea Handler and Hannah Gadsby have a chance to unseat Samantha Bee as the worst feminist comedian of all-time, and they're going to try to do it. Will they be able to take down the queen of all feminists?

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
00:00:00.000 You know, in my last video, I declared that Samantha Bee is the worst feminist comedian of all time 1.00
00:00:07.180 in the matchup between her and feminist comedian Lilly Singh. 0.99
00:00:10.980 But I think, as I've spent more time reflecting on it,
00:00:14.180 and I realized that we have to give Chelsea Handler and Hannah Gadsby the chance to, you know, really fight it out.
00:00:20.660 I think it's not fair. I'm all about equity and inclusion,
00:00:23.640 and so I think we have to include them in this, especially Hannah Gadsby.
00:00:26.440 She needs to be in it.
00:00:27.180 So today we're going to go watch a couple clips from Chelsea Handler and Hannah Gadsby
00:00:30.960 to see if they have what it takes to unseat Samantha Bee from her throne as the worst feminist comedian. 1.00
00:00:36.080 So first, let's go back again, if we must, and watch Chelsea Handler.
00:00:40.740 This is so aggressively unfunny. It's almost impressive.
00:00:44.820 So a few months ago, I embarked on a mission that I knew from the beginning would be difficult,
00:00:50.440 but has proven far more challenging than I ever anticipated.
00:00:53.140 It's the sort of mission that tries your soul, shows you who you are, what you're made of, tests your mettle.
00:00:58.980 The mission is to laugh at a joke told by a feminist comedian. 1.00
00:01:06.920 Are you serious?
00:01:12.380 Now, to be clear here, just so we can get all the technicalities clear,
00:01:17.200 the goal is not to laugh at a feminist comedian, because we can all do that.
00:01:22.060 That's very easy to do. You can easily laugh at them.
00:01:24.580 The goal is to laugh with them, to laugh at their material,
00:01:28.160 to laugh when it seems like they want you to laugh, and in the way they want you to laugh.
00:01:33.300 So far, I've tried to laugh at jokes from Samantha Bee and Hannah Gadsby.
00:01:37.920 If you watch those videos, you know that I tried my hardest. I did.
00:01:41.800 I dedicated myself to the task and just came up empty.
00:01:45.900 I found myself not only not laughing, but in fact nearly weeping as I stared into the bleak abyss
00:01:53.040 where laughter and joy and humor dies.
00:01:56.480 It was a deeply chilling and unsettling experience, but now we're going to try it again.
00:02:01.740 I'm going to give this one more try, this time with Chelsea Handler.
00:02:04.740 Now, Chelsea Handler is an interesting case because she reminds me a little bit
00:02:09.420 of like your eccentric, childless aunt who always smells vaguely of cat litter and Chardonnay. 1.00
00:02:16.160 I'm a little burnt out, so sometimes, don't shoot me, I have a glass of wine with Buster here.
00:02:22.600 And she has a boyfriend with a ponytail who she invites to Thanksgiving,
00:02:27.620 and he tells you about his weird hobby like collecting gerbils or something.
00:02:31.520 This analogy is maybe getting a little bit too specific, I don't know.
00:02:34.080 So the point is, Chelsea Handler is weird and sort of sad, but not often funny.
00:02:41.080 At least that's how she comes across.
00:02:42.760 And, you know, I say this admittedly as someone who watched Chelsea Handler one time for four minutes
00:02:47.900 15 years ago when she was on the, what was it, the E! Entertainment channel.
00:02:52.260 And I had her on TV because I was looking under the couch for the remote so I could change it. 0.56
00:02:56.440 And in that time, that's like the only time I've ever really been exposed to her comedy.
00:03:00.120 So I made a lot of judgments based on that experience.
00:03:03.740 Maybe they were unfair judgments.
00:03:05.820 And so now we're going to give this a try.
00:03:07.460 Let's try to laugh.
00:03:09.120 Let's go.
00:03:09.580 And we'll start here with, I think this is one of her more recent routines.
00:03:13.560 And let's just, let's see if we can get a chuckle out of this.
00:03:16.960 And then he wanted to know about my family history.
00:03:19.120 I was like, that's not what this is about.
00:03:20.540 Nothing to see there.
00:03:21.320 I was like, my brother died when I was a little girl.
00:03:25.700 My mom died like eight or ten years ago.
00:03:28.120 My dad's a huge pain in the ass.
00:03:29.680 So hopefully he'll wrap things up this year.
00:03:36.320 And I said, and quite frankly, like, I'm ready to wrap it up too.
00:03:39.400 I said, Dan, I'm not suicidal.
00:03:40.980 You don't have to worry about it.
00:03:41.880 But people say life is too short.
00:03:43.780 I think it's too long.
00:03:44.800 Like, there's so many annoying people out here.
00:03:48.140 And I just can't deal with it.
00:03:49.480 I said, I'm losing my patience.
00:03:51.620 Okay, so this isn't comedy so much as it's a suicide note.
00:03:56.560 There's literally no joke here.
00:03:58.820 She's just talking about how much she hates her family and her own life and wants to die.
00:04:03.560 And the cackling audience is laughing.
00:04:05.920 Yeah, life is horrible.
00:04:06.940 I'm in despair.
00:04:08.740 Good one.
00:04:09.740 Horrible life.
00:04:10.880 This is great stuff.
00:04:11.880 Like, I hope the people in the audience never volunteer at a suicide hotline.
00:04:15.620 That's all.
00:04:16.120 That's all I'm saying.
00:04:16.920 It's just, it's a very troubling reaction.
00:04:18.640 But let's, maybe it gets funnier.
00:04:20.740 Let's keep going.
00:04:21.500 I need you to help me with my lack of patience.
00:04:25.020 And he said, okay, give me some examples of your lack of patience.
00:04:27.980 And I said, okay, fine.
00:04:29.080 I was at a table like this, probably a little bigger, with three of my girlfriends before my session that day with Dan.
00:04:33.960 My girlfriend orders a turkey burger.
00:04:36.460 No onion.
00:04:37.340 No bun.
00:04:38.040 No cheese.
00:04:39.120 That's fine.
00:04:39.660 We live in L.A.
00:04:40.340 So the server comes over with his hands full, with four plates, and comes over, and we're all sitting at the table.
00:04:49.440 We're not even talking.
00:04:50.860 And he says, turkey burger?
00:04:52.920 Who ordered the turkey burger?
00:04:54.160 No onion.
00:04:55.180 No bun.
00:04:55.940 No cheese.
00:04:57.340 And my friend is just sitting there like Stevie Wonder playing the piano.
00:05:00.820 And he says it again louder.
00:05:13.100 Turkey burger.
00:05:14.020 No onion.
00:05:14.820 No bun.
00:05:15.480 No cheese.
00:05:16.280 And this is her.
00:05:19.820 I go, hey, you f***ing c***. 1.00
00:05:23.180 Wake up.
00:05:24.740 Is that your turkey burger?
00:05:26.880 You can't order that?
00:05:27.900 And then I forgot that you ordered that.
00:05:32.620 I thought my jokes were bad.
00:05:35.060 All right.
00:05:35.320 So again, I'm not sure where the joke is supposed to be located here.
00:05:38.700 And I'll let that play for a little while because I was just, I was sort of waiting for the joke.
00:05:43.620 There isn't, this isn't even try to laugh anymore.
00:05:46.060 This is find the joke.
00:05:47.480 It's like, where's Waldo?
00:05:48.500 The challenge is just to figure out where the joke is.
00:05:51.880 I mean, forget about actually laughing.
00:05:53.780 I don't even know where I'm supposed to laugh.
00:05:55.620 The audience, on the other hand, they just laugh at everything.
00:05:58.580 I mean, this woman busts out a Stevie Wonder joke in the year 2020. 1.00
00:06:03.620 And the audience acts like it's the funniest thing I've ever heard.
00:06:06.120 Maybe next she can make a joke about telemarketers, something really topical.
00:06:09.320 Hey, what's the deal with telemarketers, huh?
00:06:11.500 You ever heard of these people telemarketers?
00:06:13.000 So annoying.
00:06:14.060 The audience would love that.
00:06:15.120 That would kill this audience.
00:06:17.560 And then, of course, at the end of the bit, the punchline, I guess, is that Chelsea Handler is a horrible person.
00:06:23.160 Which I'm perfectly willing to believe.
00:06:25.920 She's screaming at her friend in a restaurant.
00:06:28.640 So what we've learned is that Handler is depressed, miserable, suicidal, and on top of it, a terrible friend.
00:06:35.260 These are all excellent things to say to your therapist.
00:06:40.380 It's just not fit for a comedy stage.
00:06:43.260 That's my only point.
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00:07:57.820 Yeah, the one thing you remember as you watch Chelsea Handler again is just how depressing she is to listen to.
00:08:05.480 This is someone who's living an utterly empty life and existence and living it in front of everybody for our amusement.
00:08:14.880 And somehow it doesn't even manage to be funny somehow.
00:08:18.880 I'm not even sure if we should have included her in this matchup.
00:08:21.240 She isn't trying to make a joke, really. She's just trying to make us all depressed.
00:08:24.680 So I don't think she has what it takes to unseat Samantha Bee.
00:08:27.720 Let's go to Hannah Gatsby and see if she has what it takes. 0.99
00:08:31.020 A few weeks ago, we began a journey together.
00:08:34.140 I want to laugh at a feminist comedian. Not at them. 1.00
00:08:38.060 I mean, I can laugh at them. That's very easy to do.
00:08:41.160 But with them, I want to find a funny joke told by a feminist comedian and laugh at it. 1.00
00:08:46.420 That's my goal in life. That's the only thing I want to achieve before I die.
00:08:56.540 I've done everything else that I want to do, sadly enough.
00:09:00.020 This is the last thing.
00:09:01.300 So first, we tried Samantha Bee. That was a miserable failure.
00:09:04.660 It didn't work out. So today, we're going to bring out the big guns.
00:09:07.140 Hannah Gatsby.
00:09:08.160 Okay, Hannah Gatsby is the acclaimed, beloved, critical darling,
00:09:11.720 the best feminist comedian currently on the scene, I'm told. 0.92
00:09:15.080 So we're going to watch some of her clips and see if we can do this.
00:09:18.460 You know, can I laugh at a Hannah Gatsby joke?
00:09:21.140 Can we laugh?
00:09:22.760 Let's find out together.
00:09:24.100 Come along, friends.
00:09:26.420 Forget I did that. Sorry.
00:09:31.680 I want to tell you a story about a terrible conversation I had at the dog park once.
00:09:36.980 This bloke just walks up to me.
00:09:38.560 I mean, he had a dog. He wasn't just being creepy.
00:09:40.300 He had context.
00:09:42.260 And I want to tell you this.
00:09:43.340 It's not pertinent to the story, but I want you to know,
00:09:45.680 his dog had shoes on.
00:09:49.220 And his dog did not want to have shoes on.
00:09:52.340 Like, because he was doing that, like...
00:09:54.200 And it was a whippet situation, and they're shaky at the best of times.
00:09:58.040 We don't know why.
00:09:58.820 Are they cold? Are they nervous?
00:09:59.860 We don't know.
00:10:00.320 But it was, like, just...
00:10:01.460 It was a lot.
00:10:02.240 Now, it's not important to the story, but it was a lot in my periphery.
00:10:05.260 So I just want you to know.
00:10:07.740 Added stress.
00:10:09.120 Okay.
00:10:09.880 Well, you know, a dog with shoes.
00:10:11.720 That's...
00:10:12.360 See, that's kind of funny.
00:10:13.720 I'm not a laugh thing.
00:10:15.260 I'm not going to...
00:10:16.060 You know, not laughing level.
00:10:17.880 But, I mean, actually seeing the dog with shoes, that would get a laugh at me.
00:10:21.460 If she had a picture she could have showed us, the visual probably would have helped. 0.79
00:10:26.360 But simply mentioning the dog with shoes isn't enough.
00:10:29.680 But I'm on the verge of laughing, okay?
00:10:33.740 The dog with shoes.
00:10:34.860 Okay, she's loosened me up a little bit.
00:10:36.540 I'm ready to laugh.
00:10:38.460 I want to laugh.
00:10:39.220 I'm in a laughing mood now.
00:10:40.420 I'm thinking about dogs with shoes.
00:10:42.260 And now she just has to go in for the kill. 0.99
00:10:44.400 So let's see what she's got.
00:10:46.340 Now, this was my friend's icebreaker.
00:10:49.760 We'd never met.
00:10:50.420 This was his icebreaker.
00:10:51.360 He said, did you know?
00:10:53.680 It takes less muscles to smile than frown.
00:10:57.480 Now, the men in the audience are sitting there going, oh, you've experienced an isolated incident.
00:11:08.340 And the women are sitting there going, oh, for fuck's sake. 1.00
00:11:13.160 And non-binary folk are like, is that a hard day for you?
00:11:16.080 Is it?
00:11:20.860 Damn it.
00:11:21.920 She squandered it.
00:11:23.000 You squandered it, Hannah.
00:11:23.920 I was ready to laugh.
00:11:25.680 I was.
00:11:26.100 You had me.
00:11:26.880 You had me.
00:11:28.640 Why, Hannah? 0.97
00:11:29.640 Why?
00:11:30.200 I mean, now she's going into the absolutely insufferable feminist harangue about being told 1.00
00:11:35.440 to smile.
00:11:36.780 And of course, she throws in the thing about non-binary folks because, you know, she can't 1.00
00:11:41.500 make a man versus woman joke without acknowledging the invented non-binary category.
00:11:46.460 And that's good, obviously, because diversity, inclusion, political correctness, all the stuff
00:11:51.660 that makes comedy great.
00:11:53.580 Okay, dare I even continue playing this?
00:11:56.080 I have a bad feeling now.
00:11:57.380 I've just, before I was filled with hope, dog with shoes.
00:12:00.720 Now she's going into the feminist thing. 1.00
00:12:02.860 I should have been prepared for this.
00:12:04.260 It is a feminist comedian after all. 1.00
00:12:05.980 I wasn't ready, it turns out.
00:12:08.420 I'll play a little bit more.
00:12:09.600 Let's see how much more we can stomach.
00:12:11.300 Now, as far as icebreakers go, it's a fucking shit one.
00:12:14.860 Basically, what he's saying is, your face is wrong, can you change it?
00:12:18.360 Like, honestly, and even if I was giving the benefit of the doubt, right, and truly believe
00:12:23.480 that energy consumption was his chief concern, that he was just looking at me going, if only
00:12:29.240 she knew.
00:12:31.260 She could live her best life.
00:12:32.840 She could get so much more out of a day.
00:12:34.320 If only she knew.
00:12:35.100 Like, even if I believe that, the thing is, I was neither smiling nor frowning.
00:12:39.720 My face was neutral, which takes fuck all muscles.
00:12:44.820 Like, and now I am aware that my neutral face is not particularly chipper.
00:12:49.440 Like, I do look like someone stabbed a potato with a spoon upside down.
00:12:53.280 Honestly, like, no muscles.
00:12:59.980 Neutral.
00:13:00.700 Now, I have resting face, that's what it's called.
00:13:03.120 That's what's colloquially known as resting face.
00:13:05.600 Only women have resting face. 1.00
00:13:07.780 Men simply have very important thoughts.
00:13:09.940 You best not interrupt them having.
00:13:11.540 Like, honestly, no one has ever gone up to a man what is a stranger and gone, cheer up.
00:13:16.800 Love may never happen.
00:13:18.100 No.
00:13:19.180 Okay.
00:13:19.760 I just, I can't.
00:13:21.040 This, this, I mean, I'm waiting for the joke here.
00:13:24.280 I'm waiting.
00:13:24.740 The potato.
00:13:25.860 What is that?
00:13:26.520 I potato with a fork in it upside down.
00:13:30.420 I don't know.
00:13:31.280 Um, she is a comedian, right?
00:13:34.320 So there's supposed to be some humor, but it's not really happening.
00:13:37.160 Instead, she's just venting about a perceived personal slight.
00:13:40.840 I feel like this is 2003 and I'm listening to somebody read their live journal entry to me out loud.
00:13:45.980 And can I just say, for the record, for all you women out there, just so you know, a little bit of mansplaining, okay? 1.00
00:13:54.200 Actually, you are not being specially targeted when people tell you to smile.
00:13:58.220 You really aren't.
00:13:59.280 Men do get the same thing all the time. 0.93
00:14:02.020 So Hannah says, no one would ever say this to a man.
00:14:04.720 Yes, they would.
00:14:06.040 Actually, they do.
00:14:07.300 People say it to me all the time.
00:14:09.180 If you can imagine.
00:14:10.780 I don't like it.
00:14:11.540 It's annoying.
00:14:12.280 But then again, I don't like it when anyone says anything to me about anything ever.
00:14:15.440 So I'm not the best judge.
00:14:17.080 But the only reason why you ladies think that the smile thing is sexist and that you're being specially targeted is that you ladies are the only ones whining about it. 1.00
00:14:27.180 Now I'm going to go off on my own harangue.
00:14:29.340 There are many things that feminists complain about where they think that women are the only ones that deal with it. 1.00
00:14:34.420 No, it's not that women are the only ones that deal with it.
00:14:36.360 It's just that women are the only ones who complain about it all the time. 1.00
00:14:39.660 Everybody else, we just keep it to ourselves.
00:14:42.640 So, you know, when someone says that to a man, we just shrug it off and go about our day.
00:14:47.400 Meanwhile, someone says it to Hannah Gadsby and she does a Netflix special about it.
00:14:52.420 My God, this is pettiness on steroids. 0.99
00:14:54.520 And I say that as someone who has written multiple thousand plus word articles complaining about people who don't put their shopping carts away in grocery store parking lots.
00:15:03.460 There is no greater evidence of the of the disintegration of human society than shopping carts that people just leave all over a parking lot.
00:15:12.320 So I know something about petty whining and this outdoes even me.
00:15:16.260 All right, let's let's try another one.
00:15:19.700 I'm going to put a stand in because I won't hold things this shape anymore.
00:15:24.520 I know who I am.
00:15:27.760 I know my strengths.
00:15:29.900 Because she's a she's a lesbian. 1.00
00:15:32.180 I don't know.
00:15:32.640 Did you get it?
00:15:33.460 Did you get the joke there?
00:15:35.160 It's the no, no, no, no.
00:15:37.320 Hold on.
00:15:38.060 Listen, listen, just stop.
00:15:39.340 Did you get it?
00:15:40.180 I don't think you got it.
00:15:41.020 It's she's a lesbian. 1.00
00:15:42.540 So she only mentions it 19 times per minute when she's on stage.
00:15:46.500 So you might you might not have picked up on it.
00:15:48.300 Lesbians. 1.00
00:15:48.940 Lesbians. 1.00
00:15:49.660 Lesbians. 1.00
00:15:50.320 Lesbians. 1.00
00:15:50.920 Lesbians. 1.00
00:15:51.520 Lesbians. 1.00
00:15:52.340 But yeah, she is a lesbian. 1.00
00:15:53.960 That's the joke there.
00:15:55.060 Yeah, that was that.
00:15:56.360 That one is especially painful.
00:15:58.880 I don't know why I keep torturing myself.
00:16:00.760 I went through this once and now we're going back again.
00:16:02.840 This is how I like to spend.
00:16:03.880 This is how I'm this is how I'm bringing in the new year.
00:16:06.800 Not exactly on a good foot.
00:16:07.980 So what I say that Hannah Gadsby deserves the crown for worst feminist comedian over Samantha Bee. 1.00
00:16:16.140 Tough call, but I think at the end of the day, you got to give it to Hannah Gadsby.
00:16:20.340 So congratulations, Hannah.
00:16:22.180 You are literally, in this case, actually the worst.