Who's The Biggest A-Hole？ Episode 8
Episode Stats
Words per Minute
192.47679
Summary
In this episode, I talk about a woman who stole her co-worker's lunch, a woman with a food allergy to nuts, and why vegans on Thanksgiving are a bunch of a-holes. Also, a new segment called "The A-hole's Guide to Vegan Thanksgiving."
Transcript
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I work a pretty standard day job and at night I help my friend at her restaurant which serves
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an assortment of Thai cuisine. To be honest I'm insanely picky but I fell in love with this peanut
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sauce so about once a week I take it on either noodles or stir-fry to my day job for lunch.
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Thursday I took my noodles and my entire Tupperware was missing. Today my boss confronted me and accused
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me of poisoning my noodles because his daughter, one of the new girls, borrowed my lunch and had
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to be hospitalized. Turns out she is severely allergic to nuts and she ate some and boom she
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went into anaphylactic shock and had to be hospitalized. Now her dad is trying to hold me
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accountable for her bills and condition. So am I the asshole? Well obviously your co-worker and boss
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are a-holes here. Is that a thing people actually do? And I hear about this complaint a lot. Like
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this is apparently a it's a it's a thing. You bring your food in and someone steals it. I can't
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even. My god what have we become? Steal someone's lunch from the fridge? That's sociopath behavior.
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If someone did that to me I'd probably I'd like burn down their house. Burn it down! And then to do
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that when you have a food allergy is just another level of stupid. Which is why like this is a good
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lesson here. If you're an adult. I'm listening. With food allergies. That is not something you can
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impose on other people. I'm sorry you have that problem and it can be a serious problem but it is
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yours. Younger kids are different but with adults we have this thing with food allergies now where
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it's like I'm allergic to peanuts and so any room I walk into there should be no peanuts anywhere. I
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should I should be I should have a 50 mile radius peanut free. Doesn't work that way. You have to figure
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out like so many other problems we can have in life even when they're legitimate problems. You
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have to figure out how to navigate life with that problem. That's on you. All that said the person
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who wrote this is also I think in another way the a-hole as well. What a twist. Of course you never
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steal your co-workers lunch out of the fridge but also you never bring a lunch that has a pungent odor to
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it. If I'm walking in the break room why should I have to smell your disgusting peanut sauce. So
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another situation where everybody involved is the a-hole. I am married to my husband and we have two
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kids. We are vegans. I am for ethical reasons. My husband is allergic to dairy and so is my three-year-old.
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Okay I'm gonna cut it off right there. You are the a-hole. I don't even need to know the entire story.
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Vegans on Thanksgiving are always the a-holes. Same with every other time of year in fact.
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Oh god you're such an a-hole. And I don't want to hear about ethical reasons. See you won't eat dairy
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because of ethics. You don't think we should get milk from cows. Why? What else should we do with
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the cow's milk? Oh yes! The cows exist. What are we gonna do with the cows first of all? Like do you want
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us to just release them into the wild? What all these cows that I mean I know you could say it's it's
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unethical that we have all the dairy farms and everything. It's so terrible that we've enslaved
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all these cows. Um what do you want us to do with them? Just bring release them into the Serengeti?
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I mean bring them down to the Amazon? Just like release them into the neighborhoods? Kill them all?
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Dump them into the ocean? Like we have them. They need to be milked. And then what do you do with the
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milk? You might as well drink it. Why not drink it? Why not make cheese out of it? And also what about
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the lives of the plants that you're eating? The lettuce that you're eating is a living thing
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vegans. It has hopes and dreams and and ambitions and feelings and you ruthlessly chop it up and stick
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a fork in and chomp on it while it screams silently in pain which you ignore those screams. Take a head
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of iceberg lettuce. Make sure the core is pointing down and slam it. So don't come to me talking about
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ethical concerns. Especially on Thanksgiving. You should all be in prison as well.