The Matt Walsh Show - March 13, 2023


Who's The Biggest A-Hole？ Episode 8

Hosted by
Matt Walsh
Mentioned
Serengeti
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Episode Stats


Length

4 minutes

Words per minute

192.48

Word count

788

Sentence count

78

Harmful content

Toxicity

8

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

In this episode, I talk about a woman who stole her co-worker's lunch, a woman with a food allergy to nuts, and why vegans on Thanksgiving are a bunch of a-holes. Also, a new segment called "The A-hole's Guide to Vegan Thanksgiving."

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Toxicity classifications generated with s-nlp/roberta_toxicity_classifier .
Hosts, guests, and mentioned names generated with spaCy (en_core_web_sm), reconciled against Wikidata.
00:00:00.000 I work a pretty standard day job and at night I help my friend at her restaurant which serves
00:00:18.620 an assortment of Thai cuisine. To be honest I'm insanely picky but I fell in love with this peanut
00:00:23.320 sauce so about once a week I take it on either noodles or stir-fry to my day job for lunch.
00:00:28.700 Thursday I took my noodles and my entire Tupperware was missing. Today my boss confronted me and accused
00:00:32.900 me of poisoning my noodles because his daughter, one of the new girls, borrowed my lunch and had
00:00:37.120 to be hospitalized. Turns out she is severely allergic to nuts and she ate some and boom she
00:00:43.080 went into anaphylactic shock and had to be hospitalized. Now her dad is trying to hold me
00:00:46.340 accountable for her bills and condition. So am I the asshole? Well obviously your co-worker and boss 1.00
00:00:53.400 are a-holes here. Is that a thing people actually do? And I hear about this complaint a lot. Like
00:00:58.140 this is apparently a it's a it's a thing. You bring your food in and someone steals it. I can't
00:01:03.500 even. My god what have we become? Steal someone's lunch from the fridge? That's sociopath behavior.
00:01:10.020 If someone did that to me I'd probably I'd like burn down their house. Burn it down! And then to do 1.00
00:01:14.800 that when you have a food allergy is just another level of stupid. Which is why like this is a good 1.00
00:01:21.000 lesson here. If you're an adult. I'm listening. With food allergies. That is not something you can
00:01:27.320 impose on other people. I'm sorry you have that problem and it can be a serious problem but it is
00:01:31.320 yours. Younger kids are different but with adults we have this thing with food allergies now where
00:01:36.400 it's like I'm allergic to peanuts and so any room I walk into there should be no peanuts anywhere. I
00:01:41.240 should I should be I should have a 50 mile radius peanut free. Doesn't work that way. You have to figure
00:01:45.840 out like so many other problems we can have in life even when they're legitimate problems. You
00:01:50.740 have to figure out how to navigate life with that problem. That's on you. All that said the person
00:01:56.080 who wrote this is also I think in another way the a-hole as well. What a twist. Of course you never
00:02:04.080 steal your co-workers lunch out of the fridge but also you never bring a lunch that has a pungent odor to
00:02:11.240 it. If I'm walking in the break room why should I have to smell your disgusting peanut sauce. So 0.90
00:02:18.700 another situation where everybody involved is the a-hole. I am married to my husband and we have two
00:02:30.540 kids. We are vegans. I am for ethical reasons. My husband is allergic to dairy and so is my three-year-old.
00:02:35.060 Okay I'm gonna cut it off right there. You are the a-hole. I don't even need to know the entire story. 0.99
00:02:38.580 Vegans on Thanksgiving are always the a-holes. Same with every other time of year in fact.
00:02:44.860 Oh god you're such an a-hole. And I don't want to hear about ethical reasons. See you won't eat dairy 0.98
00:02:50.040 because of ethics. You don't think we should get milk from cows. Why? What else should we do with
00:02:56.740 the cow's milk? Oh yes! The cows exist. What are we gonna do with the cows first of all? Like do you want
00:03:01.960 us to just release them into the wild? What all these cows that I mean I know you could say it's it's
00:03:07.380 unethical that we have all the dairy farms and everything. It's so terrible that we've enslaved
00:03:10.580 all these cows. Um what do you want us to do with them? Just bring release them into the Serengeti?
00:03:16.300 I mean bring them down to the Amazon? Just like release them into the neighborhoods? Kill them all?
00:03:21.340 Dump them into the ocean? Like we have them. They need to be milked. And then what do you do with the 1.00
00:03:26.880 milk? You might as well drink it. Why not drink it? Why not make cheese out of it? And also what about
00:03:30.520 the lives of the plants that you're eating? The lettuce that you're eating is a living thing
00:03:36.180 vegans. It has hopes and dreams and and ambitions and feelings and you ruthlessly chop it up and stick
00:03:43.700 a fork in and chomp on it while it screams silently in pain which you ignore those screams. Take a head 0.90
00:03:49.720 of iceberg lettuce. Make sure the core is pointing down and slam it. So don't come to me talking about
00:03:55.140 ethical concerns. Especially on Thanksgiving. You should all be in prison as well.
00:04:01.720 I'm the winner is you.