In the wake of Jeffrey Epstein's suicide in prison on Saturday morning, there are many theories about what could have caused him to take his own life. One of them is that he just accidentally killed himself in prison. Another is that the whole thing was premeditated. And another is that it was an accident.
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00:00:37.780Before we begin today, I would just like to state for the record that I have no information in my possession that could ever lead to the arrest of any Clintons.
00:00:48.020Even though Hillary Clinton is indeed my third cousin once removed, I know absolutely no incriminating information.
00:00:59.840I have a family, and I just got married like a year ago.
00:01:03.140We will analyze the suicide of Jeffrey Epstein that took place early Saturday morning that was obviously a suicide and nothing else at the Manhattan Correctional Center.
00:01:18.620Then, President Trump wrongly gets Hollywood to cancel a movie about how terrible liberal elites are.
00:01:23.960Transvestite activist and sexual predator Jessica Yaniv tries to put more innocent people out of business.
00:01:29.120And Joe Biden forgets what years he was vice president.
00:01:54.480Sweet little Elisa turned to me in bed.
00:01:56.080She said, Mac, I've made you something for your show today.
00:01:59.520And it was this cute little tinfoil hat because there are a lot of conspiracy theories going around.
00:02:05.920And the biggest conspiracy theory that I can tell so far is that Jeffrey Epstein, billionaire, pedophile, sex trafficker, all these things,
00:02:16.240that he just accidentally was permitted to kill himself in prison.
00:02:20.240That's, to me, the least plausible thing in this jail, in this Manhattan Correctional Center, that he just accidentally, whoops, too bad.
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00:04:33.800Second possibility, he was permitted to commit suicide, but it was intentional and not accidental.
00:04:40.700Third possibility is that he was murdered.
00:04:42.600You know, someone who looks shockingly like Hillary Clinton with a mustache and some sunglasses broke in and choked the guy before he had a chance to scream.
00:04:50.080And then fourth, the fourth possibility is that he escaped like a Bond villain.
00:04:54.880And is on his hidden layer right now on Little St. James Island or, I don't know, on his own space station or something, plotting how to seed the world with his DNA and global domination.
00:05:04.960Of these options, including the fourth option, I think the least plausible explanation is that Jeffrey Epstein was just accidentally permitted to kill himself.
00:05:59.540He was at the center, but we don't know that much about him either.
00:06:03.280There's another aspect to this story, which is that his attorneys were apparently the ones who got him taken off of suicide watch.
00:06:10.640So you'll remember three weeks ago, he tried to kill himself, or it was at least reported that he tried to kill himself.
00:06:15.680There was some event that brought him to the hospital, and then he was put on suicide watch, and then was almost immediately taken off of it.
00:06:21.960We're getting reports right now from the Wall Street Journal.
00:06:23.820It was actually his own attorneys who got him taken off of suicide watch, which would lead one to conclude that he perhaps did kill himself, but it was planned, and he was paying people off to let him kill himself, or his attorneys were insisting that he be permitted to kill himself.
00:06:42.520We know that Jeffrey Epstein was a billionaire sex trafficker and financier with dirt on some of the most powerful people in the world, including possibly two U.S. presidents.
00:06:57.180Definitely, he was very good buddies with Bill Clinton, and he was friends with Donald Trump before he became president.
00:07:02.160We know that he very possibly had dirt on the Duke of York, Prince Andrew.
00:07:08.460We know that he had dirt on a seemingly endless string of billionaires.
00:07:12.660What kind of dirt are we talking about?
00:07:14.480We're talking about dudes having sex with underage girls.
00:07:20.020We're talking about the worst possible dirt you can possibly have.
00:08:42.660He works at Bear Stearns for a while, which Bear Stearns, by the way, already a super shady firm that was leading the pack in the financial crisis.
00:08:48.480He left that firm under shady circumstances.
00:08:51.580We don't know the circumstances of his departure.
00:08:53.740Then he starts his own hedge fund, ostensibly.