FACE-OFF： Riddle Showdown ｜ Andrew Klavan Vs Michael Knowles
Episode Stats
Summary
On this episode of The Ultimate Intellectual Arena, Ben and Drew face off against Andrew Klavan in a riddle-filled battle of wits. What is it that is always in front of you but cannot be seen? What is the future or tomorrow? What would you be missing from your life if it were missing? I can fill a room full of blood, or just one heart?
Transcript
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Welcome back to the Ultimate Intellectual Arena, face-off exclusively on The Michael Knowles Show,
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where modern-day gladiators engage in a bragging rights fight to the death on the topics that truly matter.
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I'm Ben Davies, and I am the guy who reads the cards today for your five-time defending champion, your host, Michael Knowles.
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It's great, as always, to be introduced as the host of a show by a guy who is sort of the host, but not.
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I'm the host, anyway, and I'm here to defend and protect my record.
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When you want to protect your home, you've got to check out Ring.
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More from them later, but Ben, against whom am I competing?
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Well, this challenger is the only man who has been right about everything,
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who has read every book since he was alive to proofread their work.
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Oh, thank you, Ben. You know, I hate people who make excuses for these things,
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but I do want to say that I will be playing with an open gunshot wound that I received rescuing a child from gangsters
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and will be going directly from here to the hospital, so Knowles beats me.
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That may be why. Maybe because I'm bleeding out.
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And, Ben, I believe the topic this time is riddles.
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Yeah, well, with Michael being undefeated and Klavan being a true master of words, poems, and hidden meanings,
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we are going to engage in the classic battle of wits.
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Just so you know, you will have 20 seconds, gentlemen.
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You will have one reread so we can get through all these.
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Though, Ben, I have to say, this is not fair since Drew actually was present when the Sphinx was built
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and so has a very long-standing relationship with riddles.
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That is the last riddle I've done, so I'm out of practice.
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What is always in front of you but cannot be seen?
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I'm really torn between giving a real answer and just a joke answer to every one of these,
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If a person takes care of themselves, I will go even higher.
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Some people might try to hide me, but I will always show.
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No matter how hard people try, I will never go down.
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I thought that these were going to be very difficult riddles.
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These are instead little sort of jokes that they tell you in kindergarten or something,
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If I played Jeopardy, I would have to pay them at the end of the show.
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All right, we'll see if this gets a little harder for you, gentlemen.
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I said love, but that doesn't sound right to me.
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And this riddle is actually from one of the Batman comic books, from the Riddler.
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Do we look like supervillains to you for crying out loud?
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What rock group consists of four famous men, but none of them sing?
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I thought it was like a classification of rocks, like granite or something.
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Well, I knew if it was an actual rock group, I wouldn't know.
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I'm not going to tell you exactly how many, so we still fight to the finish.
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The correct answer is a fish, and that was from The Hobbit, J.R.L. Tolkien.
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I never made it through any of those Tolkien books, even though I'm told they're very good.
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Well, the thing is, like, those books are actually supposed to be very good, but I can't get into it.
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They're so long, and I have to say, like, I think that there was something wrong with a guy who can invent an entire civilization, including its language, I think.
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One night, a king and queen get on a ship charted for a faraway land.
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The next morning, the king and queen get off the ship.
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So, okay, the king and queen get on a ship for a faraway land, and then they get off the ship.
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One knight, a king and queen get on a ship, Michael.
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Well, you know, is this where you calculate how many riddles there are so he can catch up?
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There are not enough riddles in the world, I think, unfortunately.
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It will only increase my, the difference, the discrepancy between the two of us.
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All right, let's see if we tied up the race with this one.
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But when it is denied, it is violence you may find.
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That was actually from the new Batman movie, from the Riddler.
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A man and his son crashed while driving down an icy road.
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The other took the son to a hospital in the east.
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Nurses rushed the boy into surgery, and the doctor said,
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Okay, I'm almost finished writing the sentence.
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Yeah, you're transcribing the whole riddle for us.
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So I gave that answer as a secondary answer, but I said,
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it's because the doctor is the gay partner of the injured dad,
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But I did say, if the feminists are right, then it's the mom.
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I wish I could accept that, Michael, but it is, in fact,
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he lies still from, also from the Batman movie.
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That is ring.com slash collections slash offers.
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Let's get back to my being absolutely slashed to bits in this awful competition.
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We're going to keep doing these all night, baby.
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It's going to go through all weekend until we get the answer we want.
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I can sneak up on you or be right in front of you without you knowing.
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But when I reveal myself, you will never be the same.
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I said an idea, but I think really it's the guy from Halloween probably.
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I think that was also one of the Riddler comics.
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A man crossed the Rio Grande seeking prosperity in a new land.
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Democrats called him racist for trying to join a group from his homeland.
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He crossed the Rio Grande searching for opportunity in a new land.
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I said the Ku Klux Klan because, hear me out, it could have been a man crossing the Rio Grande in the other direction.
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The group the man joined was the KKK, spelled Q-U-E, Q-U-E, Q-U-E.
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You've got to give me at least half a point for that thing.
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Klavan, you still have a solid lead as we go into this one?
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I feel like I'm living in Philadelphia at this point.
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Voiceless it cries, wingless it flutters, toothless it bites, and mouthless it mutters.
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It's the wind in Mexico, or as they call it, the KKK.
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It has two on the outside and ten on the inside.
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Everyone wants to catch a sight of this, but it is kept out of sight.
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It was lost and found, and then found, but now is lost.
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You sacrilegious, blaspheming pseudo-host of this show.
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I said a good name, but I don't know what the...
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It slays kings, ruins towns, and beats high mountains down.
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All right, I thought that was going to be my real chance.
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We only got a couple more left, and I think it is tightening too, Drew,
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Which word is spelt wrong in every edition of the dictionary?
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Which word is spelt wrong in every edition of the dictionary?
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You said a couple more, so this is the last one.
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Yeah, he didn't say only a couple more, though.
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I mean, he's come out from a Dominion boating machine, so this could just keep going.
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I was going to say you could be a poll watcher at this point.
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Gee, even when I copy you, even when I copy the guy with the right answer, I get it wrong.
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Drew Clavin is the champion of this episode of Face-Off, Riddle Edition.
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Michael will have to read a 30-second commercial for why your show is awesome and why people should watch it.
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I don't want to take this seriously or anything.
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I'll tell you, and I said this going into it, I've done a bunch of these.
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Well, the winner and still king of Face-Off, Michael Knowles.
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And I knew with every single one I was going to win.
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And I want to at least be right in my prediction of how wrong I would be.
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I said, it doesn't matter what topic, I am going to lose to Drew.
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And then just to be brought down a little bit, I think, in everybody's estimation.
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We'll do it now and put 30 seconds on the clock that will start when you begin.
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If you want all the wisdom of my show, if you want all the incisive, delightful, and funny commentary
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with none of the hair and considerably more age, and I'm sorry to say, perhaps some have said even more wisdom,
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you can tune into The Andrew Klavan Show, a show that is 97% as Catholic as mine and much, much less frequent.
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Yeah, I can't tell you how, I literally can't tell you how touched I am.
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There aren't words small enough to tell you how touched I am by that.
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Maybe this will make it worth it for you, Drew, because I'm going to tell the audience,
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if you haven't already, please be sure to get a copy of A Strange Habit of Mine,
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the second book in the Cameron Winter Mystery Series, available wherever books are sold.
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And please write in the comments section and let us know who you'd like to see
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and what topic you want covered on the next episode of Face Off.