The Michael Knowles Show - November 25, 2022


FACE-OFF： Riddle Showdown ｜ Andrew Klavan Vs Michael Knowles

Topics
Mount Rushmore Ku Klux Klan
Hosted by
Michael Knowles
Mentioned
Drew Klavan Andrew Kolvet Ring Q-U-E. K-K-K. Hey Mount Rushmore J.R.R. Tolkien Betrayal Q-U-E J.R.
Leftist Thanksgiving Myths DEBUNKED ｜ A Michael Knowles Classic Michael REACTS： Women EXPLAIN The Pete Davidson Phenomenon

Episode Stats


Length

17 minutes

Words per minute

180.61

Word count

3,125

Sentence count

406

Harmful content

Misogyny

2

sentences flagged

Toxicity

14

sentences flagged

Hate speech

8

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

On this episode of The Ultimate Intellectual Arena, Ben and Drew face off against Andrew Klavan in a riddle-filled battle of wits. What is it that is always in front of you but cannot be seen? What is the future or tomorrow? What would you be missing from your life if it were missing? I can fill a room full of blood, or just one heart?

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Toxicity classifications generated with s-nlp/roberta_toxicity_classifier .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
Topics generated with Qwen2.5-3B-Instruct.
Hosts, guests, and mentioned names generated with spaCy (en_core_web_sm), reconciled against Wikidata.
00:00:00.500 Welcome back to the Ultimate Intellectual Arena, face-off exclusively on The Michael Knowles Show,
00:00:06.440 where modern-day gladiators engage in a bragging rights fight to the death on the topics that truly matter.
00:00:13.000 I'm Ben Davies, and I am the guy who reads the cards today for your five-time defending champion, your host, Michael Knowles.
00:00:20.860 It's great, as always, to be introduced as the host of a show by a guy who is sort of the host, but not.
00:00:27.780 I'm the host, anyway, and I'm here to defend and protect my record.
00:00:32.060 When you want to protect your home, you've got to check out Ring.
00:00:34.100 More from them later, but Ben, against whom am I competing?
00:00:38.160 Well, this challenger is the only man who has been right about everything,
00:00:42.300 who has read every book since he was alive to proofread their work.
00:00:46.160 He is the sexy Gandalf himself. Andrew Klavan.
00:00:49.580 Oh, thank you, Ben. You know, I hate people who make excuses for these things,
00:00:53.120 but I do want to say that I will be playing with an open gunshot wound that I received rescuing a child from gangsters
00:00:59.440 and will be going directly from here to the hospital, so Knowles beats me.
00:01:02.980 That may be why. Maybe because I'm bleeding out.
00:01:05.380 That, no, absolutely fair.
00:01:07.120 And, Ben, I believe the topic this time is riddles.
00:01:11.400 Yeah, well, with Michael being undefeated and Klavan being a true master of words, poems, and hidden meanings,
00:01:17.100 we are going to engage in the classic battle of wits.
00:01:21.140 This is face-off, riddle edition.
00:01:27.480 Just so you know, you will have 20 seconds, gentlemen.
00:01:30.240 20.
00:01:30.920 20 seconds to give your answer.
00:01:32.220 You will have one reread so we can get through all these.
00:01:35.680 Are you ready?
00:01:36.280 I guess I'm ready.
00:01:37.360 Though, Ben, I have to say, this is not fair since Drew actually was present when the Sphinx was built
00:01:44.340 and so has a very long-standing relationship with riddles.
00:01:48.380 That is the last riddle I've done, so I'm out of practice.
00:01:50.960 The first riddle.
00:01:52.340 What is always in front of you but cannot be seen?
00:01:56.040 I'm really torn between giving a real answer and just a joke answer to every one of these,
00:02:00.760 but I'll give the one that I think is right.
00:02:02.540 As expected, you guys beat the clock.
00:02:04.960 What did you put, Michael?
00:02:06.480 The future.
00:02:08.120 Drew?
00:02:08.740 All right, same thing as a tomorrow.
00:02:10.600 The correct answer is the future or tomorrow.
00:02:13.220 Congratulations, gentlemen.
00:02:14.500 All right, the next one.
00:02:15.560 This is a little bit longer.
00:02:16.540 I am something people love or hate.
00:02:18.780 I change people's appearances and thoughts.
00:02:21.160 If a person takes care of themselves, I will go even higher.
00:02:25.200 To some people, I will fool them.
00:02:27.100 To others, I'm a mystery.
00:02:28.980 Some people might try to hide me, but I will always show.
00:02:32.500 No matter how hard people try, I will never go down.
00:02:36.340 What am I?
00:02:42.320 Okay, you guys just showed me.
00:02:43.540 These are not very hard.
00:02:44.720 I'm going to say age.
00:02:45.880 No, that's what I said.
00:02:47.100 My age.
00:02:47.520 Age is correct. 0.99
00:02:48.160 Okay, all right.
00:02:49.920 This is great.
00:02:50.580 I thought that these were going to be very difficult riddles.
00:02:52.980 These are instead little sort of jokes that they tell you in kindergarten or something,
00:02:56.680 so that's fine.
00:02:57.520 I'm just happy to survive.
00:02:58.820 I don't think well under pressure.
00:03:00.680 If I played Jeopardy, I would have to pay them at the end of the show.
00:03:03.780 All right, we'll see if this gets a little harder for you, gentlemen.
00:03:08.780 If Apple made a car, what would it be missing?
00:03:12.080 Gosh, I don't even have a joke answer.
00:03:13.840 Three may take the lead.
00:03:15.400 Windows?
00:03:17.860 It is, in fact, Windows.
00:03:19.240 I hate that.
00:03:20.820 Sexy Gandalf pulled ahead.
00:03:22.420 I hate that.
00:03:23.940 I can fill a room or just one heart.
00:03:26.700 Others may have me, but I cannot be shared.
00:03:29.540 What am I?
00:03:31.600 Michael, you're starting to make me nervous.
00:03:33.400 Okay, no, I've got this.
00:03:36.360 All right, Drew, let's show first.
00:03:38.100 I don't know.
00:03:39.720 I said love, but that doesn't sound right to me.
00:03:41.920 No, I decided to go for a much gorier idea.
00:03:46.060 I can fill a room or just one heart.
00:03:48.000 Blood.
00:03:49.020 I can fill a room full of blood.
00:03:50.980 The correct answer is loneliness.
00:03:53.940 And this riddle is actually from one of the Batman comic books, from the Riddler.
00:03:59.580 Well, no wonder we couldn't.
00:04:00.860 Do we look like supervillains to you for crying out loud?
00:04:03.900 What rock group consists of four famous men, but none of them sing?
00:04:08.440 I don't even have a joke.
00:04:09.620 I don't have an answer.
00:04:11.020 Okay.
00:04:11.960 Well, what do you have, Drew?
00:04:12.740 What's your answer?
00:04:13.460 Mount Rushmore.
00:04:14.320 Yes, it is Mount Rushmore.
00:04:15.580 Oh, I hate that.
00:04:16.960 I thought it was like a classification of rocks, like granite or something.
00:04:20.540 Well, I knew if it was an actual rock group, I wouldn't know.
00:04:24.620 Gosh, I'm going to lose.
00:04:25.760 I'm down by two.
00:04:26.740 How many questions are there?
00:04:28.680 There are a few more.
00:04:30.420 I'm not going to tell you exactly how many, so we still fight to the finish.
00:04:33.120 Okay.
00:04:33.600 Next question.
00:04:35.160 Alive without breath.
00:04:36.780 Cold as death.
00:04:38.080 Never thirsty, ever drinking.
00:04:40.540 All in mail, never clinking.
00:04:43.060 Do you have an answer, Michael?
00:04:44.240 Like, maybe, I guess.
00:04:45.820 All right, what do you have?
00:04:47.380 Suit of armor.
00:04:48.100 No?
00:04:49.340 Nah.
00:04:49.980 Suits of armor, clink.
00:04:51.940 What do you have?
00:04:52.920 I had ice.
00:04:54.960 The correct answer is a fish, and that was from The Hobbit, J.R.L. Tolkien.
00:05:00.020 I couldn't make it through The Hobbit.
00:05:02.140 I never made it through any of those Tolkien books, even though I'm told they're very good.
00:05:06.040 I don't think it was Yale reading, anyway.
00:05:08.000 Well, the thing is, like, those books are actually supposed to be very good, but I can't get into it.
00:05:12.900 They're so long, and I have to say, like, I think that there was something wrong with a guy who can invent an entire civilization, including its language, I think.
00:05:22.160 You're like, calm down, J.R.
00:05:23.980 All right, next one.
00:05:25.660 One night, a king and queen get on a ship charted for a faraway land.
00:05:30.200 The next morning, the king and queen get off the ship.
00:05:33.100 Who is left on the ship?
00:05:35.780 Drew is just an assassin right now.
00:05:37.820 Yeah.
00:05:38.240 Throwing these answers down.
00:05:39.800 Okay, no, I think I know the answer.
00:05:43.660 Ten seconds.
00:05:45.000 Got it.
00:05:45.940 So, okay, the king and queen get on a ship for a faraway land, and then they get off the ship.
00:05:51.700 So who's left on the ship?
00:05:53.740 Okay.
00:05:54.500 I've got the answer.
00:05:55.500 All right, what's the answer?
00:05:56.700 Everyone else.
00:05:59.060 Pretty solid.
00:06:01.780 The knight is left on the ship.
00:06:03.300 The knight is left on the ship.
00:06:05.200 One knight, a king and queen get on a ship, Michael.
00:06:09.040 Mm, it's a play on words.
00:06:10.800 Yes, it is.
00:06:11.420 We need to have a comeback here, man.
00:06:13.800 We snuff a bit.
00:06:14.880 Well, you know, is this where you calculate how many riddles there are so he can catch up?
00:06:19.180 I mean, yeah.
00:06:20.100 Yeah.
00:06:20.520 There are not enough riddles in the world, I think, unfortunately.
00:06:23.800 It will only increase my, the difference, the discrepancy between the two of us.
00:06:28.020 All right, let's see if we tied up the race with this one.
00:06:29.900 All right.
00:06:30.360 It can be cruel, poetic, or blind.
00:06:33.540 But when it is denied, it is violence you may find.
00:06:38.180 All right, let's show.
00:06:39.680 Justice?
00:06:41.160 Ah, that's better.
00:06:42.840 Mine was fate.
00:06:44.260 It is justice.
00:06:45.320 All right, finally.
00:06:47.060 Oh, my gosh.
00:06:49.040 Good grief.
00:06:49.980 That was actually from the new Batman movie, from the Riddler.
00:06:53.580 It can be cruel, poetic, or blind.
00:06:57.240 Justice.
00:06:58.660 The answer is justice.
00:06:59.680 That was worth three points, you said?
00:07:00.980 Of course.
00:07:02.240 Wow.
00:07:02.580 Okay.
00:07:02.920 Wow.
00:07:03.460 It's almost tied up, yeah.
00:07:04.520 A man and his son crashed while driving down an icy road.
00:07:09.140 Two ambulances came.
00:07:10.700 One took the father to a hospital in the west.
00:07:13.080 The other took the son to a hospital in the east.
00:07:16.440 Nurses rushed the boy into surgery, and the doctor said,
00:07:20.320 I cannot operate on this boy.
00:07:22.240 He is my son.
00:07:23.660 How can this be?
00:07:24.860 Hmm.
00:07:26.540 Time.
00:07:27.600 Okay, I'm almost finished writing the sentence.
00:07:29.840 Yeah, you're transcribing the whole riddle for us.
00:07:31.800 Drew, what do you have?
00:07:33.040 The doctor's his mother.
00:07:34.860 Michael?
00:07:35.220 That doesn't make any sense, Drew.
00:07:37.160 So I gave that answer as a secondary answer, but I said, 0.84
00:07:39.940 it's because the doctor is the gay partner of the injured dad, 0.88
00:07:44.700 assuming that no ladies are surgeons. 1.00
00:07:48.380 But I did say, if the feminists are right, then it's the mom. 1.00
00:07:52.600 But I'm still going with my first answer.
00:07:55.480 What does a liar do once he is dead?
00:07:59.200 Time.
00:08:00.320 Okay.
00:08:01.180 Drew?
00:08:03.220 Lie still?
00:08:05.060 Michael? 1.00
00:08:06.140 Burn in hell. 1.00
00:08:07.080 If he didn't repent before death. 1.00
00:08:12.380 I wish I could accept that, Michael, but it is, in fact,
00:08:15.380 he lies still from, also from the Batman movie.
00:08:18.180 He lies still.
00:08:19.460 Pretty sure I'm right, also, but that's fine.
00:08:23.220 Okay.
00:08:24.520 With the holidays coming around the corner,
00:08:26.500 many of us will be traveling to see our families and loved ones very soon.
00:08:29.960 You may find yourself away from home more often than not.
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00:09:02.760 They make perfect gifts for everyone on your list.
00:09:04.940 Head on over to ring.com slash collections slash offers
00:09:07.860 to find out how you can live a little less stressed this season
00:09:11.860 with a Ring product that is right for you.
00:09:13.960 That is ring.com slash collections slash offers.
00:09:18.860 All right.
00:09:19.380 Let's get back to my being absolutely slashed to bits in this awful competition.
00:09:25.960 All right.
00:09:26.220 Here we go.
00:09:27.300 Wait a minute.
00:09:27.920 When did we get the last question?
00:09:30.060 We're very close to you.
00:09:31.200 All right.
00:09:31.380 Here we go.
00:09:31.540 I just need to catch up first.
00:09:33.240 Yeah, exactly.
00:09:34.460 This is like Maricopa County.
00:09:36.200 You can't.
00:09:37.160 We're going to keep doing these all night, baby.
00:09:38.820 Exactly.
00:09:39.080 Until we get the answer we want.
00:09:39.960 It's going to go through all weekend until we get the answer we want.
00:09:42.620 All right.
00:09:42.880 I can sneak up on you or be right in front of you without you knowing.
00:09:47.840 But when I reveal myself, you will never be the same.
00:09:52.340 Time?
00:09:53.980 All right, Michael.
00:09:54.720 What do you have?
00:09:55.480 I said love or death.
00:09:57.620 Hmm.
00:09:58.580 Drew?
00:09:59.280 I said an idea, but I think really it's the guy from Halloween probably.
00:10:03.400 You are both incorrect.
00:10:04.580 The correct answer is, in fact, betrayal.
00:10:07.360 Betrayal.
00:10:08.000 Betrayal.
00:10:08.880 What's that from?
00:10:09.760 That's like...
00:10:10.240 I think that was also one of the Riddler comics.
00:10:12.260 Oh, interesting.
00:10:13.040 I'm sick of it.
00:10:13.460 Did you read any books for adults?
00:10:16.480 Well, I'm not a very visitor.
00:10:17.520 Never mind for adults.
00:10:18.580 There's any books.
00:10:19.360 Or any book.
00:10:20.180 Yeah, that's right.
00:10:20.700 A man crossed the Rio Grande seeking prosperity in a new land.
00:10:26.760 Democrats called him racist for trying to join a group from his homeland.
00:10:31.640 What is the name of that group?
00:10:33.480 He crossed the Rio Grande searching for opportunity in a new land.
00:10:38.520 Drew?
00:10:39.940 Mexicans? 0.89
00:10:41.280 That's the group you liked.
00:10:42.560 I said the Ku Klux Klan because, hear me out, it could have been a man crossing the Rio Grande in the other direction.
00:10:50.680 That's what I thought.
00:10:51.460 Yeah, and it would rhyme.
00:10:55.800 Wait a minute.
00:10:56.380 That doesn't make no sense.
00:10:57.500 The group the man joined was the KKK, spelled Q-U-E, Q-U-E, Q-U-E.
00:11:03.520 So I will take the Ku Klux Klan for that. 0.74
00:11:04.840 Oh, hey.
00:11:05.520 Great.
00:11:05.940 All right.
00:11:06.420 You've got to give me at least half a point for that thing.
00:11:08.280 You can't take the Ku Klux Klan for that.
00:11:08.560 What?
00:11:08.780 Q-U-E. 1.00
00:11:09.780 K-K-K. 0.93
00:11:11.240 Hey, that's good.
00:11:11.900 And what the hell is the KKK?
00:11:13.860 I'm, yeah.
00:11:14.980 Now this is being played under protest.
00:11:16.480 This is great.
00:11:17.240 Okay, great.
00:11:17.960 I'll take a point for that.
00:11:19.100 Klavan, you still have a solid lead as we go into this one?
00:11:21.300 Yeah, because, yeah.
00:11:23.480 I feel like I'm living in Philadelphia at this point.
00:11:28.220 All right.
00:11:29.400 All right, here we go.
00:11:30.260 Last question.
00:11:33.340 Voiceless it cries, wingless it flutters, toothless it bites, and mouthless it mutters.
00:11:39.740 KKK.
00:11:41.240 All right, Michael, what do you have?
00:11:44.660 The American electorate.
00:11:47.480 Drew?
00:11:48.200 I said the wind?
00:11:49.380 It is the wind.
00:11:51.200 Mine was correct as well, though, was it not?
00:11:53.640 Do I get half a point?
00:11:55.040 It's voiceless.
00:11:56.120 It's got no teeth.
00:11:56.620 It's the wind in Mexico, or as they call it, the KKK.
00:11:58.620 KKK.
00:12:00.580 It can be carried but not touched.
00:12:03.660 It has two on the outside and ten on the inside.
00:12:07.660 Everyone wants to catch a sight of this, but it is kept out of sight.
00:12:11.600 It was lost and found, and then found, but now is lost.
00:12:15.760 Michael, what joke have you written down?
00:12:17.680 The Ark of the Covenant. 0.94
00:12:18.980 It's not a joke, you heretic. 1.00
00:12:20.520 You sacrilegious, blaspheming pseudo-host of this show. 0.97
00:12:27.180 Drew, what do you have? 0.92
00:12:27.720 I was stumped.
00:12:28.940 I said a good name, but I don't know what the...
00:12:30.900 It is, in fact, the Ark of the Covenant.
00:12:32.500 Is it?
00:12:32.860 Yes, it is.
00:12:33.460 All right, good.
00:12:34.000 Oh, Michael's in the comeback trailer.
00:12:35.200 Yeah, this is great.
00:12:36.280 We only need to be here for four more hours.
00:12:38.000 I was going to say, it's all my way back.
00:12:40.580 All things it devours.
00:12:42.800 Birds, beasts, trees, flowers.
00:12:45.440 It gnaws iron, bites steel.
00:12:48.520 Grinds hard stones to meal.
00:12:50.120 It slays kings, ruins towns, and beats high mountains down.
00:12:55.660 What am I? 1.00
00:12:57.320 A pain in the ass. 1.00
00:13:02.280 All right, what do you got, Michael? 1.00
00:13:03.820 Time.
00:13:05.540 I said the same thing.
00:13:06.760 It is, in fact, time.
00:13:08.720 All right, I thought that was going to be my real chance.
00:13:11.020 I cannot believe this is still going on.
00:13:13.460 It's like a bad dream.
00:13:15.480 I take forever and am hosted by Ben Davies.
00:13:20.880 We're going to move along here.
00:13:21.920 We only got a couple more left, and I think it is tightening too, Drew,
00:13:24.360 so we got to get these last couple.
00:13:25.840 Great.
00:13:26.320 Here we go.
00:13:26.660 Here we go.
00:13:27.500 Which word is spelt wrong in every edition of the dictionary?
00:13:31.580 Which word is spelt wrong in every edition of the dictionary?
00:13:36.280 I don't even have a joke for this.
00:13:37.780 What do you have, Drew?
00:13:38.820 Wrong.
00:13:39.580 What did you say?
00:13:40.900 Wrong.
00:13:41.480 It's wrong.
00:13:42.840 It's spelled wrong.
00:13:43.640 I hate riddles so much.
00:13:52.080 All right, here we go.
00:13:53.300 Wait, wait.
00:13:53.720 You said a couple more, so this is the last one.
00:13:55.860 This may be the last one.
00:13:58.780 Yeah, he didn't say only a couple more, though.
00:14:01.620 It's a couple more and then a couple more.
00:14:04.160 I mean, he's come out from a Dominion boating machine, so this could just keep going.
00:14:07.240 I was going to say you could be a poll watcher at this point.
00:14:09.960 Only one color, but not one size.
00:14:12.500 Stuck at the bottom, yet easily flies.
00:14:15.660 Present in sun, but not in rain.
00:14:18.380 Doing no harm and feeling no pain.
00:14:21.800 What is it?
00:14:22.340 Time.
00:14:24.940 Okay.
00:14:26.000 Drew, what do you have?
00:14:26.860 I had sunshine or daylight.
00:14:29.740 And I had whatever Drew said.
00:14:34.200 So I think we both got it right.
00:14:36.380 The correct answer is shadow.
00:14:38.680 Shadow.
00:14:39.420 The one time, Drew, thanks a lot.
00:14:42.260 Yeah, I was totally wrong.
00:14:43.220 I got that.
00:14:44.380 Gee, even when I copy you, even when I copy the guy with the right answer, I get it wrong.
00:14:48.900 Drew Clavin is the champion of this episode of Face-Off, Riddle Edition.
00:14:53.700 To the victor goes the spoils.
00:14:55.120 Michael will have to read a 30-second commercial for why your show is awesome and why people should watch it.
00:15:01.300 I don't want to take this seriously or anything.
00:15:04.600 I'll tell you, and I said this going into it, I've done a bunch of these.
00:15:08.700 Well, the winner and still king of Face-Off, Michael Knowles. 0.87
00:15:12.660 The dopes.
00:15:13.620 And I knew with every single one I was going to win.
00:15:15.960 And I want to at least be right in my prediction of how wrong I would be.
00:15:19.400 I did predict.
00:15:19.960 I said, it doesn't matter what topic, I am going to lose to Drew.
00:15:23.640 It's going to be humiliating.
00:15:25.840 And it has been.
00:15:26.780 It has been humiliating.
00:15:27.820 I have to agree with you on that.
00:15:28.980 I think you've been utterly humiliated.
00:15:30.620 And then just to be brought down a little bit, I think, in everybody's estimation.
00:15:33.680 Yes, yes.
00:15:34.520 We'll do it now and put 30 seconds on the clock that will start when you begin.
00:15:39.280 Listen, folks.
00:15:40.240 If you want all the wisdom of my show, if you want all the incisive, delightful, and funny commentary
00:15:49.760 with none of the hair and considerably more age, and I'm sorry to say, perhaps some have said even more wisdom,
00:16:00.140 you can tune into The Andrew Klavan Show, a show that is 97% as Catholic as mine and much, much less frequent.
00:16:15.040 Yeah, I can't tell you how, I literally can't tell you how touched I am.
00:16:18.720 There aren't words small enough to tell you how touched I am by that.
00:16:24.080 It's almost as if this weren't worth it.
00:16:26.300 Maybe this will make it worth it for you, Drew, because I'm going to tell the audience,
00:16:31.640 if you haven't already, please be sure to get a copy of A Strange Habit of Mine,
00:16:36.400 the second book in the Cameron Winter Mystery Series, available wherever books are sold.
00:16:40.700 And please write in the comments section and let us know who you'd like to see
00:16:43.980 and what topic you want covered on the next episode of Face Off.
00:16:56.300 Face Off
00:16:57.980 A Strange Habit of Mine
00:16:58.440 A Strange Habit of Mine
00:16:59.300 A Strange Habit of Mine
00:16:59.700 A Strange Habit of Mine
00:17:01.000 A Strange Habit of Mine
00:17:01.740 A Strange Habit of Mine
00:17:02.160 A Strange Habit of Mine
00:17:02.560 A Strange Habit of Mine
00:17:03.420 A Strange Habit of Mine
00:17:04.060 A Strange Habit of Mine
00:17:04.360 A Strange Habit of Mine
00:17:04.800 A Strange Habit of Mine
00:17:06.140 A Strange Habit of Mine
00:17:06.300 A Strange Habit of Mine
00:17:07.660 And then everyone next time in theiu-tube
00:17:08.500 A Strange Habit of Mine
00:17:09.080 A Strange Habit of Mine
00:17:09.580 A Strange Habit of Mine
00:17:09.600 A Strange Habit of Manh一 0.98
00:17:10.700 A Strange Habit of Mine
00:17:12.700 A Strange Habit of Mine
00:17:14.020 A Strange Habit of Mine
00:17:14.400 A Strange Habit of Mine
00:17:15.060 A Strange Habit of Mine
00:17:16.040 A Strange Habit of Mine
00:17:16.520 A Strange Habit offer
00:17:17.120 Netflix