The Mikhaila Peterson Podcast - Tammy Peterson on Being Married to Jordan Peterson, Dating Advice & Parenting ｜ EP 196

00:00:00.000 What's Michaela's most annoying quality, and vice versa? 0.85

00:00:02.900 Hmm, okay.

00:00:03.980 There's nothing annoying about me.

00:00:10.100 What makes Jordan both great husbands,

00:00:12.660 and how can I emulate that myself for my wife?

00:00:15.420 So what do you like about dad?

00:00:16.620 If I tell him what I want, he listens,

00:00:19.300 and he doesn't often forget.

00:00:21.320 If I don't share what I need,

00:00:23.280 he won't know, and we won't grow closer.

00:00:25.600 I can talk to him, and he doesn't get offended.

00:00:28.080 Like hey, this is really bothering me like this thing you do is really annoying

00:00:31.860 So I don't have to monitor what I say, which is so freeing 0.82

00:00:35.580 You know you're pregnant you have hormones and I was way more irritable and just like didn't have as much positive emotion and

00:00:41.680 Wasn't that interested in Jordan? Which was like that was kind of rough 0.97

00:00:45.360 How do I prepare for marriage to be the best wife I can be?

00:00:48.460 okay how do you prepare how do you prepare

00:00:54.360 mom hi welcome to my new podcast setup congratulations thank you yeah it's it's

00:01:04.260 very cool and it's spacious i like it i like it too i'm gonna put something right there okay so

00:01:09.540 it looks a little less empty in the middle yeah so i took a bunch of questions from instagram

00:01:14.340 that people asked so i think it would be fun if we just run through some questions sure have a

00:01:19.460 nice easy podcast okay okay are you ready i think it's easy do you depends on the questions depends

00:01:26.440 on the questions it's true yes okay we could start with this we start with dating advice a couple

00:01:32.460 people asked about dating advice do you have dating advice for people do i have dating advice

00:01:37.560 i could start i haven't well i i have dating but i date with my husband it's not new dates but if

00:01:45.760 these were new dates that's what i was thinking someone that you've just met probably someone

00:01:51.320 that you've just yeah i think so so i would say that um do a lot of listening and that that's

00:02:00.440 good advice for no matter what you're doing but you want to know who this person is and

00:02:05.640 meet with them with other people so you can see how they interact with other people

00:02:11.120 how you can so you can see how they react with people in a restaurant who are serving who are

00:02:17.680 serving you so you know what their relationship is to people um who are who they might be paying

00:02:25.680 for their cert you might be paying for their services how do they treat those people you

00:02:30.000 know and you want to know that and you want you want to know if you're going out to to any any

00:02:38.640 place social what the relationship is between this person yourself and all the people around you and

00:02:47.140 that'll teach you a lot about who they are because everybody is pretty much who they are in the spur

00:02:53.480 the moment in public. It's pretty hard to be someone that you're not, I think. And so I think

00:03:01.180 that's a good trial for the first time that you go out with someone is go somewhere public and

00:03:08.380 pay attention. Just pay attention. You know, they'll be, if they're smart, they'll be watching

00:03:16.000 you too. And so be on your best behavior and try to be of service to yourself and to the other

00:03:23.060 person, like keep those things in mind. What do you think about, so when I met Jordan

00:03:30.340 and he asked me if he wanted to marry me, I immediately told him everything

00:03:37.440 that I thought might scare him away because I was like, we didn't know each other for very long.

00:03:44.200 It was really fast. It was like two weeks after meeting and he was like, I want to marry you.

00:03:48.060 And I said, you have no idea what you're getting into.

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00:04:39.480 Enjoy the rest of this episode with my mom.

00:04:41.140 and then told him like five scary things which were pretty scary and it was we'll see if I

00:04:48.760 actually want to say them on the podcast but there was um you know I'm divorced I have a kid

00:04:56.040 um I work extremely closely with my family so I'm in like almost constant communication with

00:05:03.220 my parents um I need someone that'll help me we were already working together so

00:05:10.400 but but a little bit not a lot it was like i would ideally i have someone that can help me

00:05:17.320 with all these projects that i'm starting because they're definitely too much for

00:05:20.380 me and i work all the time so like my ideal day other than hanging out with kids is really working

00:05:28.760 a lot um and there's an age difference i'm older than him so i told him all so that was like six

00:05:37.740 things and i told him that right away and he was like that's all fine and i was like well i don't

00:05:42.120 know if it's fine i think you might be young and naive we'll see um but it's been working out

00:05:47.180 splendidly but what do you think i think my advice truth yeah right that's true and like real

00:05:52.940 honesty yeah because maybe the scary parts of you aren't as scary as you think they are

00:05:58.780 right hopefully well hopefully you've learned from your experiences

00:06:03.140 so which makes you more wise than you may have been yeah it's like these are all the things

00:06:09.060 that happened these are the things i've learned yeah yeah that's a good point yeah and i think

00:06:15.820 if you end up scaring somebody away by telling them who you are then they weren't meant to be

00:06:19.880 anyway that's gonna it's gonna come up anyway you might as well try scaring them away at the

00:06:23.700 beginning saves a lot of time that was dating advice k this was kind of interesting it's how

00:06:32.780 are you different and how are you similar in parenting styles? Well, I wasn't around

00:06:36.960 to witness your parenting style, but you're like kind of around to witness my parenting

00:06:41.800 style. Um, let's see. I stayed home with my kids, so I spent a lot of time with my kids

00:06:50.060 and, uh, I, I didn't put up with a lot of misbehavior. Neither do you. Um, I like to

00:07:00.940 set, I liked to have a routine. So a nightly routine, dinners, lunches, breakfasts, all of

00:07:08.500 that was routine in our house. And we ate together every meal. So that was part of my parenting style

00:07:17.420 was to set up routines. And I think that the routines for little kids, they start to become

00:07:28.140 aware of what they can offer for those routines so i can remember when we were in boston and julian

00:07:35.240 was pretty teeny tiny he was he could walk you know he could he was he was stable on his feet

00:07:42.100 and jordan was getting him to put the knives and forks on the table and he couldn't quite reach

00:07:46.120 the table but he could get them up there that's cute and yeah and that was it was good so we tried

00:07:52.120 to include you guys in the running of the house from as early age as you could master you know

00:08:01.300 to clean your to clean up your toys and you know when you teach a little kid to clean up their

00:08:07.120 toys you have to make it small enough that they can be successful so it's not just clean up your

00:08:14.780 room it's do you see this toy right here does this toy belong somewhere in the room where does it

00:08:21.420 belong on the shelf can you think you could put it on the shelf like and and it's so it's slow

00:08:26.920 it's slow and it's one thing after the next but if you do that if you take the time for that

00:08:33.520 eventually they are very proud of themselves because they know how to do it on their own

00:08:38.100 and that's how you build uh independence uh and that's also how you build uh trust

00:08:46.780 because I think they can see that every day

00:08:52.020 there's something that's similar every day

00:08:54.560 so then they can predict their lives

00:08:58.100 and that's good for them, keeps them calm.

00:09:02.540 Did you, this is my question.

00:09:04.700 When we started doing chores,

00:09:06.940 did we get paid to do things like clean our room?

00:09:11.420 I've been having a discussion with Jordan

00:09:13.440 because I remember like Sunday was chores day

00:09:16.660 and we had this list of chores and every I don't know six months maybe we used to sort out like

00:09:23.040 okay who's going to do this room and who's going to do that room like who's in charge of what room

00:09:27.080 and so we'd have a list of things we were supposed to do on Sundays you remember this right well we

00:09:31.460 went we met on Sundays we met on Sundays about four in the afternoon when you guys still wanted

00:09:36.960 to be playing outside with your friends yep yeah in the middle of the playtime right in the middle

00:09:40.860 playtime but we met every Sunday at that time and we we would say okay there's say five jobs

00:09:48.900 in the house that have to be done every week who wants to choose you choose which job do you want

00:09:55.660 so if you choose you're going to put out the garbage then that's your job for the week if

00:10:00.580 you choose you're going to you know make beds if you choose you're going to help prepare dinner or

00:10:09.480 you can wash the dishes. And so every, every Sunday you got to choose. Oh, we did that every

00:10:15.200 Sunday because sometimes you choose something you didn't really want to do and you only had to do

00:10:19.440 it for a week. You weren't locked in for six months. That's better. Um, so I've been talking

00:10:24.320 to Jordan about implementing chores, um, and was trying to kind of mimic, I don't think we're

00:10:31.540 going to do the Sunday sit down. I remember that was in the middle of playtime, but, but Jordan

00:10:38.320 was like i never got paid to do things like keep my room clean because it's my room so it's my

00:10:42.480 responsibility to keep clean yeah so i shouldn't be paid for it we didn't pay you i thought we had

00:10:47.100 we got like two dollars and it was just we had to complete all our chores i thought it was like

00:10:52.440 bundled in that could be but i wasn't part of that dad was part of the monetary he was definitely

00:10:57.520 yeah yeah yeah that's funny okay next two dollars wasn't very much even back then you could only

00:11:06.760 get so many sour keys for two dollars that's good that's what i remember that's good only only a few

00:11:13.220 sour keys yeah okay how has our relationship changed with each other over the years especially

00:11:20.040 since michaela had kids do you think me having kids has been what's changed our relationship

00:11:26.500 or just time oh well i think having kids changes the relationship between the mother and the

00:11:33.620 daughter well you understand your mom a lot more once you go through it like oh wow okay this is

00:11:39.900 what she went through that's a lot yeah and there's no way you can understand that without

00:11:44.040 having kids no not at all no because it's hard to believe it's hard to believe it's as um all

00:11:52.000 all consuming as it is because at the beginning it's all consuming and how you just have no idea

00:11:58.560 how consuming it is because you've never done anything like that where you're at the beck and

00:12:02.360 call of the of someone who needs you and you have no choice in the matter that's it's really

00:12:10.260 something i had this uh well you know how much i like working and building things and creating

00:12:16.740 and so and i completely i had scarlet she's six so that was almost wow so that was six years ago

00:12:26.040 and like that's a very long time and I feel like when the hormones wear off from the very beginning

00:12:33.440 when they're really little you kind of forget again so I forgot so I had this idea during

00:12:39.280 pregnancy that I was like I'm not going to take any mat leave and I didn't end up taking any mat

00:12:44.220 leave before I had George because he came at 36 weeks so I actually didn't end up taking any time

00:12:50.660 but at 30 when you guys came to stay when I was around 32 weeks my body kind of was like

00:12:55.240 good luck doing everything you were doing because like no you need to rest more and there wasn't

00:13:02.200 much I could do to push through that but then I completely forgot how crazy you feel not crazy

00:13:11.920 like insane exactly but like how all-encompassing a baby is once you have a baby because I was like

00:13:19.040 I can schedule things and it's early he's gonna be three weeks right he's it's early but like

00:13:24.680 you it's like you don't have much of a choice it's like oh i have an idea of i'm going to be

00:13:31.240 able to do all these things and i forgot with the sleep deprivation and nursing every you nurse for

00:13:38.660 like an hour every three or four hours right so that's that's your day that's full-time yeah

00:13:43.740 that's the day it's like of a two-hour period where i can do a podcast let's see if i can handle

00:13:47.980 is today but it's crazy what um it's crazy what moms go through yeah and that time that you spend

00:13:56.540 with your child when you're nursing where you can look at each other that is that is

00:14:02.940 magic yeah that's magic it's good for him it's good for the mom that creates that attachment

00:14:12.600 that's the first thing that stops attachment issues yeah yeah crazy and then when the kid

00:14:21.140 gets a little bit older he'll start to really pay attention to your reactions

00:14:27.140 to his emotions to see if he's got his emotions if he's expressing emotions properly oh i watched

00:14:36.620 this and i knew this already because because of scarlet and having a kid but i watched this video

00:14:42.320 on it was on instagram or something and it showed what happens if you overreact to a kid falling

00:14:46.980 over so if a kid falls over there's this like split second where they look at you to see how

00:14:51.420 they're going to react and if you react in a neurotic way like oh are you like oh my gosh

00:14:56.560 that must have hurt they'll scream and like who knows what they're feeling if they see pain in

00:15:01.500 your face right and then if you go oh that was kind of funny like you're okay like get yourself

00:15:06.300 up sometimes they'll laugh instead of scream and so it's important to be stable and like

00:15:13.760 a calm presence and not try and make your kids neurotic yeah and for them to come for a hug

00:15:21.460 when they need a yeah you know when you were only about you were 22 months old when julian was born

00:15:28.760 and we taught you to before he was born to come for a hug whenever you needed one and we told you

00:15:34.580 that you know i was going to be really busy yeah once the baby was born and so i needed you to come

00:15:41.100 to me and tell you tell me what you needed and you did you know we practiced it before

00:15:46.440 he was born and then if jordan and i if he would come home from work and give me a hug you'd stand

00:15:52.640 you'd get in between us oh scarlett does that yeah and that's very good that's cool yeah

00:15:57.900 that's very good that's a good idea yeah i've talked to scarlett about it too because i was

00:16:04.200 like in bed for two weeks yeah after having a baby uh and i told her that at the beginning the

00:16:11.840 baby takes a lot of time because i'm really tired and he's really tired and nursing is a lot

00:16:17.220 so she has to come for attention yeah yeah that's good that is good okay

00:16:24.340 what makes jordan both it's not actually convenient that we're both married to somebody

00:16:31.740 named jordan but it's convenient for this question asker what makes jordan both great husbands

00:16:37.020 and how can i emulate that myself for my wife so what do you like about dad

00:16:41.820 um he's very devoted to me he is yeah very he's very he's very in love with you yeah he is nice

00:16:51.680 yeah he he uh if i tell him what i want he listens and he pays attention and he doesn't

00:17:00.660 often forget so sharing sharing truthfully what I need with him is really important because then

00:17:10.040 he gets to know me better and without if I don't share what I need he won't know and we won't grow

00:17:17.520 closer and so we're very close because I try to be you know the whole the whole thing when we were

00:17:23.700 first married it was tell the truth that was the rule tell the truth and so we've practiced that

00:17:29.340 for 35 years what's an example of something that you need i need him to buy me clothing that i like

00:17:37.660 and when he first bought me clothing it wasn't anything i liked but i didn't say never buy me

00:17:43.660 clothing again you know i said your forte just give up yeah that's right i so i had to educate

00:17:50.360 him on what was what was a successful purchase and what was a not successful purchase and and

00:17:57.480 he paid attention and he, he got better at it. So that was good because it gave him pleasure

00:18:03.060 to be able to buy me something that I wanted. Do you remember, uh, the Christmas, it must've

00:18:12.840 been 2015. We had a Christmas and dad got me this little leather bat purse. And this

00:18:20.580 is when I was in university and I had taken out a loan and I didn't have very much money

00:18:24.320 and it was this bat purse and it was this big and it was a leather bat and it had this silver chain

00:18:31.220 and i was like okay i can't even fit a phone in this i can barely put like coins in here

00:18:37.860 it's like leather and he's all happy about this leather bat purse and then he got you

00:18:42.180 it was a skeleton bracelet holding on to it was your arm it was a it was a skeleton yeah right up

00:18:52.100 to the wrist it was horrifying we opened it and i don't think any of us could be like fake the

00:18:59.660 positive emotion and dad was so excited about this skeleton hand skeleton bracelet and this

00:19:07.620 little bat purse i was like merry christmas i think he thought well i don't know he must have

00:19:17.100 missed halloween i don't know i don't know it was pretty funny yeah yeah but it but it's funny

00:19:24.300 so what else what else because there's more you know he is uh a very

00:19:32.360 he's a man who's a he's a deep thinker right he's definitely a deep thinker

00:19:40.180 but just because he's a deep thinker doesn't mean he knows everything

00:19:44.820 that that's not what that means it means he's thought very deeply about the things that he's

00:19:50.880 thought deeply about but the problem with that often is that there's other things that he is not

00:19:57.980 so aware of and so helping him become aware of these things that he's missed helps our relationship

00:20:06.700 too and i was very different than him he was uh very he was a an academic he was a um an intellectual

00:20:16.320 and i was spiritual and physical and so we brought different we brought different values to

00:20:28.260 the relationship and so i think those things that we shared what we treasured in our lives

00:20:37.140 with each other and we became closer and closer well it's kind of amazing watching you guys because

00:20:41.800 like my jordan and i were similar i would say wouldn't you say like yes yes you're similar

00:20:49.440 but we're pretty similar personality wise um and you guys aren't no like and it's pretty market

00:20:56.120 so it's interesting that you guys work so well together being so different well you know we do

00:21:05.540 share some things we're both open so we're both creative and so we share that openness we share

00:21:11.420 that creativity um he's you know and i'm extroverted i know he's just crazy extroverted

00:21:17.340 i used to think i used to think that you weren't extroverted because of how extroverted dad is

00:21:22.360 and I was like oh no you have your own podcast you're opening his shows and you're you talk

00:21:27.600 too when you like you go out to parties and things you're buzzing around but he's

00:21:32.780 like he's on another level yes of extroverted yeah so I was like oh mom's introverted and then

00:21:39.800 I met some actual introverts and I was like oh that's not it yeah so yeah so I'm kind of my

00:21:46.960 personality is kind of middle of the road compared to his you're both conscientious too we're both

00:21:52.020 more orderly we're both conscientious yeah so it's really just the

00:21:56.780 and although he's quite agreeable and i'm more disagreeable uh in terms of being a man and a

00:22:04.880 woman our personalities are probably fairly close that way i'm more disagreeable than him but not

00:22:12.020 very much more a little bit more it's noticeable because i'm more blunt he's more polite and that

00:22:20.460 can cause trouble that can definitely cause trouble i can say something blunt and it'll

00:22:25.820 embarrass him and he'll accept something that he probably wouldn't have accepted if he wasn't

00:22:30.540 embarrassed so i have to be really careful that i don't say something to to make him uncomfortable

00:22:41.360 do you so when you say those things because i remember being made uncomfortable by things you

00:22:46.320 would say as a teenager too I think less so now yeah actually I don't think at all anymore which

00:22:52.280 is funny I don't I don't think I you said something that made me feel uncomfortable in

00:22:56.680 years it was like nah she's probably right like but as a teenager for sure maybe that's partly

00:23:04.100 because I wasn't well well it wasn't just that it was partly me too I think that my experience when

00:23:11.780 i was ill and uh my humility that i gained from that experience of being so sick has been very

00:23:21.600 good for me and my relationships with other people hmm okay that's definitely possible

00:23:29.260 i think so well i think we get along splendidly now yeah we do we've had a really good time we've

00:23:34.980 been here together off and on for a number of weeks now right so that's pretty good month and

00:23:41.300 I was I before I got here I went I wasn't sure like I wonder how we're gonna get along but it's

00:23:46.300 been just fine yeah yeah you guys came to stay when I was 32 weeks yeah that was kind of the

00:23:52.160 time when I was like oh I'm really tired um yeah I wasn't that worried about it I know dad called

00:23:59.120 me and we're like is this gonna be okay we're all in the same house but um it's been totally fine

00:24:05.860 well and you guys are pretty good at and Jordan Fuller also is pretty good at telling us

00:24:11.120 what he's thinking he's blunt he's blunt but he's blunt like i'm blunt he very i know he um dad

00:24:19.020 bought this container for our sink because we have this big sink in the kitchen and if you wash

00:24:25.240 dishes in it like food will get stuck in the corner and then you have to like rinse out the

00:24:28.880 corners so dad bought a bucket for the sink to wash dishes in and jordan my jordan had an issue

00:24:37.940 with this bucket in the sink we're not having a bucket in the sink our house is filling up with

00:24:42.160 it's like i just married a version of my mother but uh but then a couple days ago they're both

00:24:48.960 in the kitchen and dad goes we figured out how to organize ourselves with a bucket i can use the

00:24:54.440 bucket and then it'll just go in this cupboard and then my jordan was like yeah we can both get

00:25:00.640 behind that but i was like this bucket was a big deal three weeks ago this is a sink bucket

00:25:04.980 i was like i don't care i'm about to have a baby i don't care about the bucket in the sink jordan

00:25:10.580 funny yeah yeah it's been good though it's been fun it's been nice having you here

00:25:16.940 thank you it's been good to be here um and then i guess i could answer that again a bit what what

00:25:24.300 makes my jordan a good husband yeah

00:25:26.440 hmm well he really likes me too which is really nice um it's important

00:25:36.380 yeah it's really important to like each other that sounds silly but like that's very important

00:25:45.880 they should basically be your best friend yeah otherwise how are you gonna live with somebody

00:25:51.040 for a long period of time who's not your best friend and so i don't know he's my best friend

00:25:58.200 i guess that's what makes him a great husband and he does care about things sometimes i have

00:26:04.900 to hammer it in a little bit he's also a challenge right jordan's my jordan's a challenge

00:26:09.980 i know what's great i know what's great i can talk to him and he doesn't get offended when i

00:26:16.020 talk to him so i'm like hey this is really bothering me this is like this thing you do

00:26:21.080 is really annoying and he either argues with me for a while and then we'll come to some consensus

00:26:29.800 about it but he doesn't get offended by it so i don't have to monitor what i say which is so

00:26:36.380 freeing because if you talk to someone and you can pick up that they're kind of like

00:26:41.820 oh like they get offended then you can't communicate with them because you're like okay

00:26:47.820 this thing is bugging me how do I bring it up to this person without hurting their feelings

00:26:53.900 and that's so exhausting to think in the back of your mind all the time impossible to always be

00:27:01.540 able to do that and it means that you just lie how do I say this in a way that doesn't hurt

00:27:07.040 their feelings is like you don't have to be rude to people you don't have to be like you said you

00:27:12.880 don't have to be as blunt as you can possibly be towards somebody you can you can think about the

00:27:17.760 way you say things to bring them up in an appropriate way but having to monitor everything

00:27:22.040 you say all the time is just it just makes you either not say things or lie so I'd say that's

00:27:27.320 the best thing about him is I can talk to him without him getting offended so any little problem

00:27:32.300 we have and we'll have little problems throughout the day there aren't really problems because I

00:27:35.980 can just say them and then sometimes there's a problem with me right and sometimes when I talk

00:27:42.100 to him I'll go okay I'm not feeling good that's obviously what's happening it's like I'm anxious

00:27:46.860 and then so maybe it's a problem with me but that's probably my favorite thing about him other

00:27:52.380 than the fact we get along really well is I can just talk to him without him being offended well

00:27:57.100 Well, it's very helpful for both of you or both of us to be self-reflective

00:28:04.960 so that we can tell what our moods are like

00:28:07.700 and help our partners understand where we're coming from.

00:28:13.040 Because you don't want to impose yourself on someone else

00:28:18.040 because you're nervous about something or afraid of something.

00:28:23.260 Like angry or resentful.

00:28:24.540 so tell tell your partner how you're if you're if there's something that is motivating you that

00:28:34.040 you're not comfortable with it share share that and talk it through until you have a

00:28:41.900 until you have until the dance of your relationship re-emerges again then you know you've talked

00:28:48.540 enough because otherwise if it's still there you haven't negotiated enough and you have to

00:28:53.260 you have to keep at it you know you have to bring that to a resolution so that it is no longer there's

00:28:59.340 no longer any sharp edges to it yeah yeah then the fun emerges again hey guys check out these soaps

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00:29:14.540 took after my mom in a lot of ways that way uh like that movie theater soap that's pink and liquid

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00:30:22.640 off my favorite products are these they have this charcoal soap this soap and their moisturizers

00:30:29.140 they're linked in the comments or the description enjoy the rest of this episode it's wild too with

00:30:34.380 all the like so pregnancy hormones i was definitely you know you get pregnant you have hormones so our

00:30:40.700 relationship changed during that and I was way more irritable and just like didn't have as much

00:30:45.260 positive emotion just didn't feel as good and wasn't that interested in Jordan which was like

00:30:51.580 that was kind of rough for because it's eight months me being like I don't really want to be

00:30:56.700 touched like kind of nauseous I'm just just like maybe I should go live in a cave for the next

00:31:03.840 eight months and reemerge with a baby um but we seem to have negotiated that pretty well

00:31:11.160 but that changes so even if you the nice thing about communicating with somebody else throughout

00:31:17.780 all these things is especially if you have kids is like your relationship changes goes up and down

00:31:23.300 but if you just can communicate then you can come out on the other side but being able to talk to

00:31:29.500 somebody without them taking offenses that's really important for that's really important

00:31:34.560 for me apparently and i think also if you in terms of romance in a relationship and keeping the

00:31:41.780 romance alive if you don't have this communication with each other if you don't keep keep up with the

00:31:48.060 little niggly things that bother you if you don't discuss those things then if you try to have a 0.65

00:31:53.520 date uh yeah those will be in your way and so you have to have communication ongoing communication 0.58

00:32:00.000 so that when you decide one night that you want to have a date it's possible

00:32:04.480 you're not annoyed about the last 30 things you guys didn't talk about that's right so don't let

00:32:10.740 it get away on yourself like keep up keep up if there's something and you know what so my dad

00:32:15.660 passed away my dad died two weeks ago yeah almost three yeah so on the 11th of december

00:32:22.840 actually the day that george was born which was awesome because he brought joy to us that's the

00:32:28.500 way it should be yeah that's the way it should be that was pretty yeah it was it was perfect it was

00:32:34.120 perfect my dad he left yeah and he left and george came there was something mystical about that it

00:32:41.060 was really it was crazy actually you guys called me you facetimed me right when my water broke yeah

00:32:47.040 right is that right it it had broken maybe 20 minutes before wow wow yeah and then you called

00:32:55.380 i was like whoa wow a lot going on today yeah a lot going on today yeah i can't remember what

00:33:02.820 i was gonna say now but anyway well that's okay let's keep going okay do we have any

00:33:09.000 shared quirky behavior oh probably share i don't know if we share any

00:33:15.960 um but how do you define quirky behavior i don't know let me think is there anything that i do

00:33:24.320 that reminds me of you well i think the main similarity that we share is

00:33:31.080 now that I'm older is I'm probably pretty fast to pick up on people or judge people if you want to

00:33:40.760 call it that it's judging people but it's also I think being intuitive and I think I get that

00:33:46.660 from you not dad because mom used to I used to bring friends home this is something that just

00:33:54.340 bothered me so much as a teenager I used to bring friends home and sometimes I'd bring a friend home

00:33:58.720 and you'd kind of be cold and you'd just be like nah not that person and I was like mom why are you

00:34:05.080 so mean to I don't know if it was obvious to anybody other than like your family but I was

00:34:11.540 like why are you like kind of cold and mean to this person what did they do they don't deserve

00:34:15.320 and then inevitably each time that person would be just some like horrible person it was oh I had

00:34:24.420 this is good i so when i moved out i went to concordia in montreal and i moved into this

00:34:30.040 apartment and the apartment had five people living it including me and one of the guys living in it

00:34:38.080 who was about three or four years older than me was insane um and he'd had like he was just he was

00:34:46.620 he had a lot of money i don't think he'd had any attention as a kid and he was so there were reasons

00:34:52.580 that led him into being the the person he was but the person he was was not a great person and he

00:34:58.160 was old enough that like you have to get yourself together you can't just blame your childhood for

00:35:02.280 the your personality anymore but we went into that apartment and he was crazy as soon as i got there

00:35:07.500 so he came out he was like did you use my towel i was like i literally just moved my stuff and i

00:35:12.580 don't even know who you are like did you use my towels like i didn't use your towel and mom just

00:35:17.920 goes and hides in my room and and my dad and we go out for dinner afterwards and my dad's like well

00:35:26.280 he might just he's given all these reasons why this guy might be fine and mom's just like oh no

00:35:32.280 he's he's nuts he's nuts and wow was he nuts anyway i ended up moving out of that condo that

00:35:39.620 condo in four months because we fought so much he lied it was that was the first time i came across 0.85

00:35:45.020 somebody who lied all the time he convinced me this is actually crazy he convinced me that he

00:35:52.200 was friends with the people who owned the condo building and he'd chosen us all as roommates

00:35:57.340 and we were just there because he'd looked at our because you needed an application to get in and on

00:36:03.600 my application i i had like stays up late goes out like because you write all that down and they

00:36:09.920 theoretically put you together with other people like you which they don't do it was just to make

00:36:14.380 you feel good about filling out a form but um he came in one day it was like you lied about your

00:36:18.960 form and I was like I didn't lie on my form but I had thought I thought for like three months that

00:36:25.880 he'd chosen us his roommates because he was always hanging downstairs with the people at the front

00:36:29.580 desk and things wow they're like a lot of things went on in that apartment but then you went and

00:36:36.160 you lived with two of the girls that lived in that you I moved apartments no I didn't take anyone I

00:36:41.920 moved out oh you know and you know part of the reason i moved out is because on my birthday

00:36:46.300 he came in and told me all the roommates had signed to get me to move out because we were

00:36:51.980 really fighting like he had he had some ocd tendencies and i used to move things around in

00:36:57.200 the condo to bother him but it was because i'd put dishes away and he'd tell me i put the cups

00:37:03.020 in wrong yeah and i was like driving me crazy and anyway he told me all the roommates had signed

00:37:08.780 this piece of paper and got me like to move out and so I moved because I didn't like him anyway

00:37:14.800 and then all the roommates were like why'd you move I was like well you know there was this

00:37:19.040 piece of paper you guys asked me to move out it was like there was no piece of paper anyway that

00:37:23.080 was good luck actually because you like that goodness I left that moved in with a bunch of

00:37:27.240 girls and they were equally insane like me and it was it was a good time yes you had much better

00:37:33.980 time the next semester but but you uh you figured him out in about two seconds yeah just left i just

00:37:39.940 looked at him and thought oh oh oh how do i prepare for marriage to be the best wife i can be

00:37:51.420 and this is a question for you okay how do you prepare how do you prepare well you think about

00:38:01.280 who if you've had any good hopefully you've had a good male in your life a good man in your life

00:38:12.360 maybe it's your father but maybe it's your uncle maybe it was a teacher maybe it was a priest i

00:38:19.100 mean i don't know who who the good example of a man is someone who you can trust and someone who

00:38:25.340 you could look up to and think about who that is someone that someone you admire and that could be

00:38:32.260 your husband like really really deeply think about the attributes that that person had that

00:38:39.960 makes you admire them that's your husband write those things down and then

00:38:48.400 pray on that say this is this is who this is who i'm looking for this is my prince charming that's

00:38:58.320 that's who i'm looking for and you're way more likely you're way more likely to meet someone

00:39:04.460 then who's like that because your eyes are open and you have a focus and you have a goal in mind

00:39:11.400 and so that's really helpful because you're not as george says you're not going to hit a goal if

00:39:15.380 you don't aim for it i like that write down what you want write down what you want and pray on it

00:39:22.700 yeah that seems that's sounds like sound advice i think my advice would be

00:39:30.540 practice for a female in particular like how to be a good wife practice not doing things you don't 0.98

00:39:39.820 want to do and and setting up proper boundaries so that when you get into a relationship you'll

00:39:45.900 be able to tell the truth and I think I struggled with that until I was about 27 and I think some

00:39:53.040 people struggle for a lot longer but I think some people figure it out a lot earlier and I would just

00:39:57.340 say try to have the proper boundaries so don't say yes to anything you don't want to do yeah

00:40:04.800 because it's kind of a lie that's a sin that's a sin of of sorts i think saying yes to things that

00:40:11.880 make that you don't want to do yeah even if you think it's better or wanting something and then

00:40:17.080 not insisting that's another kind of sin sin of omission not doing what you not doing what what

00:40:26.480 you need to do is a sin too it's a sin for your own soul you know i mean yeah it hurts you yeah

00:40:33.540 it hurts you so you have to be careful of those things yes those are important things yeah and i

00:40:39.620 think you can work i think you can do a lot of work on yourself before you find someone to just

00:40:44.400 turn yourself into somebody people want to be married to or that ideally your your future

00:40:50.900 spouse will fall in love with yeah but i think it's really important especially for women because

00:40:55.860 i don't know if it's how our personality is just being female and more more compassionate

00:41:01.300 um generally speaking or if it's from how we're brought up as women like so i think some of it

00:41:09.660 might be societal which is just like if you're a girl you should be doing more for other people

00:41:15.460 i think that that might be societal in in some way um but it's also personality wise you want

00:41:22.500 to do more for more people um you might do more for more people and leave yourself out

00:41:29.160 mm-hmm and I don't know if I don't know if more women do that men maybe I'm not sure there's

00:41:36.020 definitely men that do that there's men that do that as well but you have to realize that who you

00:41:40.500 are uh who you are today is not who you're going to be tomorrow and definitely not who you're going

00:41:49.080 to be in 10 years and you have to do what you need to do for that person to prosper too and

00:41:56.260 actually you can't really help other people unless you're helping yourself to become a better person

00:42:02.640 so you have you really i think you do have to really focus on your own needs what you need

00:42:09.520 not what you want particularly but what you need what what what grips you you know what brings

00:42:15.800 meaning to your life you have you have to do those things and if you do those things it'll inspire you

00:42:22.600 to be uh to to to share what you know and to help other people find their way and you know so

00:42:32.000 but it's really important because you know when so when my dad died a couple weeks ago i learned

00:42:37.020 something um i a couple of days after i got here uh he had only been dead for a couple of days

00:42:48.160 when I came because we are going to have a celebration of life this summer and we cremated

00:42:53.540 him and we went there and that was good but then we left and my husband didn't come back with me

00:42:59.420 so I was alone here and I was alone for about five days and then I talked I'm taking Catholic

00:43:06.980 lessons so I talked to my priest and I admitted that I was feeling resentful because my husband

00:43:13.700 didn't come home with me and I was grieving and I was suffering and he said did you pray on it

00:43:18.640 and I thought yeah I prayed on it and then I thought well did I actually like did I really

00:43:24.600 pray on it and I thought oh my goodness I was looking to have my grief relieved from

00:43:32.540 my husband or even from my daughter or even from my granddaughter from people when I needed to ask

00:43:40.400 god to come to me and help me with that and once and it just came to me that that was

00:43:48.340 actually right and that night that night i received my dad's obituary and i thought oh

00:43:58.340 it's a beautiful obituary it just says exactly who he was in the best best light possible

00:44:03.920 and Jordan my Jordan wrote it and my brother Dale oh did he write it he wrote it right in

00:44:10.720 the funeral home he just started to write it oh and then my brother edited it and we you know

00:44:16.440 sent it to everyone who wanted to add something and you know got it done but my Jordan wrote it

00:44:21.840 and you know my husband has known my dad since George was seven years old he's known my dad so

00:44:27.900 he did really know him and he did really like him and so he wrote a beautiful obituary and I wanted

00:44:34.380 to share it with people I had asked God to come to me and and help me with my grief and then I just

00:44:41.720 felt like sharing my love from my father with everyone and I shared it with like 36 people

00:44:48.720 on messenger anyone who might know him I sent it to him my friends Jordan's friends my cousins

00:44:54.740 friends like people i had high school friends like anybody who might have known him i sent it

00:45:00.960 to them and then i started getting all these responses and these little stories about him

00:45:05.600 and i started to cry and i cried quite a bit that night but it was what i needed it was what i needed

00:45:11.680 but i couldn't reach out with this love that i felt for my dad until i had asked it until i had

00:45:19.520 asked for God to come and help me with my grief because I was lonely. But of course, I'm not alone

00:45:28.960 because I have this constant love from the Lord above. And I can ask for that whenever I want.

00:45:37.800 I just am not that used to it. So I hadn't asked properly. But when I did ask properly,

00:45:43.240 I felt so full that I just wanted to share love everywhere and I thought wow that's wonderful and

00:45:50.100 remarkable so I'm definitely bad at that how but I guess

00:46:00.440 if you go through something traumatic or if you're having a hard time

00:46:05.540 I mean is it unreasonable to have people around you to support you oh no I don't think it's

00:46:11.040 unreasonable but it's really hard you can't get something from them they they aren't going to

00:46:16.040 give you you have to give to them so when i was sick with cancer and i came home to tell julian

00:46:23.740 that i was going to die in 10 months and i had accepted it in the doctor's office as if it was

00:46:28.980 true and i came home to tell him that and i saw this deep love like maternal love sorry

00:46:37.420 but when i saw that i i was filled up with with love i realized that i was worthwhile saving

00:46:47.240 because i was his mother and so and i wanted to stay around to be his mother right and

00:46:55.260 when i was just thinking about me whether i was going to live or die i was thinking about myself

00:47:02.360 just as myself not about who i'm attached to and who's attached to me which is the important part

00:47:10.080 of the whole of the whole story is who am i who do i have relationships with all those people

00:47:19.740 yes all those people are really really important even all those people i messaged on messenger

00:47:25.260 are really important people, but I can't reach out to them until I'm filled up with love that I

00:47:34.360 have asked for from God. And I didn't know that, but I certainly know it repeatedly. And so I

00:47:44.220 learned it that day with that cancer diagnosis and told Julian that only God knows when I'm

00:47:49.980 going to live or die. First of all, I realized that, and that I would accept whatever treatment

00:47:55.180 it came my way because I wanted to stay alive as long as possible to be with him and serve him in

00:48:02.000 whatever way I could and Jordan and you and like whoever else but he was there at that at that

00:48:08.260 moment and now my dad has died and I was grieving and not unsure of how to deal with it but once I

00:48:16.280 realized too that i realized oh my goodness i need to ask directly from above come to me

00:48:26.420 i need you i'm suffering and then i was full of love like just like that just like that how can

00:48:34.920 that be that's wild you know that's wild but it's happened twice now in my life

00:48:42.820 wow and i think if i practice it it can happen who knows how much wow yeah it's a practice

00:48:50.140 wow that's cool yeah it's a practice all all the things that you take through your life like being

00:48:55.620 married this you know uh when you come home at night how you want to be treated when you come

00:49:02.880 in the door you want that every day you come home that's a practice you know uh at the dinner table

00:49:09.840 how you interact with each other at the dinner table that happens every night you want that to

00:49:15.260 be a practice and you want to perfect it and make it beautiful and loving and then you can have that

00:49:21.120 in all parts of your life and it's uh it's a blast to do that it makes your life into an adventurous

00:49:29.340 a loving adventure and wow what else do you need really than that so

00:49:36.340 yeah it's pretty cool that is pretty cool it's pretty cool that was nice good yeah i have to

00:49:45.120 remember that yeah remember that if you can call me if you're suffering and yeah okay you know did

00:49:51.920 you take that in prayer okay maybe i'll do that that's that's that's a good stepping stone yes

00:49:58.120 jordan sometimes will be fighting about something and he'll be like maybe you should pray yeah i

00:50:03.540 don't want to pray right now it's like uh yeah maybe i do but but not from not from you telling

00:50:10.620 me yeah i can call you that should work yeah you could okay um how did you feel being a stay-at-home

00:50:19.720 mom how did i feel i had no cell phone right it was before cell phones it was before the internet

00:50:27.800 was just getting going so there was really no communication except for what i would

00:50:33.500 there was a telephone and there was going outside and finding people so

00:50:38.580 so i it was it was lonely for sure but um

00:50:43.880 i had some things i like to do you know i was an artist

00:50:51.400 and uh i drew you when you were just teeny right just when you could sit up i drew pictures of you

00:50:58.900 and i really like that so i think you have to maintain those interests that you have

00:51:04.640 uh some people you know it's you know back to work i don't recommend that if you don't

00:51:10.740 have to go back to work i wouldn't go back to work because your baby needs you for uh and you

00:51:16.160 need to nurse if you can and you need the baby and you need the baby yes you're finding that right

00:51:22.420 sometimes yeah it's crazy you need the baby and the baby needs you and so don't go back to work

00:51:30.820 but engage in and and give people and and bring people over and you know spend time with people

00:51:42.220 bring people over go for walks if you can go for your walks and it's so funny when I remember I

00:51:49.000 lived in a part of Montreal that was um let's see it was Italian Portuguese it was Portuguese

00:51:55.120 and we used to go out for breakfast in the morning it was three dollars and 25 cents for bacon and

00:52:00.100 eggs it was nothing you know and Jordi and I used to go out for breakfast all the time and when you

00:52:06.240 were born we took you out to breakfast with us because a little baby you can pretty much take

00:52:11.220 them anywhere and I remember this man he was Frenchman with black curly hair and burly guy

00:52:19.380 he was looked like a lumberjack from Quebec Frenchman and he turned around he was in the next

00:52:24.600 seat he turned around and the smile on his face and he was just like all of a sudden he turned

00:52:34.520 into a father you know and uh if i hadn't had a baby well he wouldn't have turned around or had

00:52:42.400 anything to do with us and so i noticed that i could walk around the neighborhood now and crossing

00:52:48.380 the street people would stop and say hello or or congratulate us and and it was so different all

00:52:55.840 of a sudden this place that had really been pretty anonymous i was pretty anonymous nobody even

00:53:01.480 really my upstairs neighbor didn't even know I was pregnant even though I had a baby in January

00:53:06.120 I had probably lots of big clothes on and he didn't notice but once the baby was there then

00:53:11.660 everybody noticed and everybody said hello and all of a sudden I was part of the community in a way

00:53:17.720 that I hadn't been before I was part of this club of parents that is broad and it's not class-based

00:53:25.920 or anything. It's just all the people who have children and everybody can have children. So it's

00:53:32.180 everyone. And in that way, then I wasn't lonely because I had all of that kind of community

00:53:38.260 around me and it was good. I think I was so

00:53:44.800 stressed out with Scarlett that I couldn't pick up on that. I just didn't like it. I was so anxious.

00:53:54.500 it was crazy it was so rough but it's not like that anymore at all that's good so thank god yeah

00:54:01.300 well once once george gets a little older and you can go out you'll see it this time yeah yeah yeah

00:54:07.260 well i remember people coming up but i remember just being like people i don't know i don't want

00:54:12.640 to talk to you just because i have a baby yeah well della told me my sister told me when i had

00:54:17.480 a baby i'd be a member of a new club and it is you're a member of you're now a member of the

00:54:24.120 club of the family club that you weren't a member before and you never even saw it existed but now

00:54:29.240 you're part of it and people will welcome you in i think it's because you understand

00:54:34.040 how like hard it is what what it is yeah what is really it's profound it's a profound change

00:54:43.640 is nothing that grows up a girl except for having a baby that grows a girl into a woman

00:54:50.380 yeah and it grows a boy into a father and that grows it grows you up and so it's it's so profound

00:55:00.500 what's mikaela's most annoying quality and vice versa okay there's nothing annoying about me

00:55:10.820 um i won't be offended i promise you're kind of you're kind of blunt

00:55:17.500 i'm afraid you're a bit like me you're kind of blunt and so in emails sometimes you can be a

00:55:24.880 little a little hard to take and i'd say that's probably the most annoying part was that just

00:55:30.820 pregnant me though or did that happen before pregnant me i think that i think that you have

00:55:36.320 tendency to be rather blunt okay I was gonna say your most annoying quality is your tendency to be

00:55:42.520 rather blunt it's kind of annoying sometimes yeah and when I realized that you were blunt I thought

00:55:48.280 uh-oh she's just like me I didn't want that to be the case but it is the case that's funny okay

00:55:55.800 that's funny though we've both got that and it's both kind of both annoying yeah so it is annoying

00:56:02.080 yeah yeah it is annoying it's not like you're just like me and so it's fine no actually that's not

00:56:06.900 true that's funny i think jordan's made it worse well i think when you love someone you can be

00:56:13.600 very blunt with them so you have to be really careful with the people you love not to be blunt

00:56:19.280 with them and i've noticed that when i'm blunt things that i that aren't supposed to happen

00:56:26.340 that I don't even want to happen do happen and when I'm kind and you know if I have something

00:56:32.580 to say to reserve it until the right time so that it comes till God's time so that when it comes

00:56:39.340 it's not because I decided it comes it comes because it was the right time for it to come

00:56:43.460 and then it doesn't cause any waves that's much better that's important yeah it's really important

00:56:49.100 waiting for things to happen too when you realize oh this thing like this thing should happen or I

00:56:55.260 want this thing to happen whether it's at work or in your relationship yeah but i've noticed that

00:57:00.600 in terms of work so building peterson academy is like there's some parts that have been really

00:57:05.680 difficult to like oh we're missing a feature like something's missing here um but we're not sure how

00:57:12.900 to integrate it or we're not exactly sure how to make it fit um oh like okay so the writing component

00:57:21.580 for the app we were like we're gonna have all these courses online and we're gonna have testing

00:57:27.660 involved in the courses but for some courses like humanities courses you kind of need an essay

00:57:32.500 component um and it took a year and a half of me being like how on earth do you incorporate an essay

00:57:40.020 component into an app where you don't want people to go off the app like it's kind of messy so we

00:57:46.120 didn't incorporate it and then like two days ago we figured out how to incorporate it in

00:57:50.780 and for people watching it's going to be often you don't you're not forced to write essays if

00:57:55.420 you watch the courses you can just watch the courses and learn but if you want to write essays

00:57:59.200 there's now a way to write them but it was the same um i think since probably since

00:58:06.040 becoming a christian and it was like god there's a real there really is something to god's timing

00:58:12.540 where you can say i really want this to happen and you can push on it and push on it and if it

00:58:17.220 just doesn't work like all the doors are closed and you can't get through them you can just wait

00:58:21.520 sometimes and sometimes i don't know it takes like the essay component for the apps not that

00:58:27.540 important of a of an issue in life it took a year and a half right so these things take they happen

00:58:33.620 in the time that they're supposed to happen yeah yeah it's cool though it is like well he'll take

00:58:40.740 care of it at some point but the only way to notice it is to pause and not say the thing that

00:58:47.040 is going to cause conflict and to wait to like put it aside what the thing that you want to say

00:58:53.680 maybe it's significant maybe it's not but maybe it's significant let's put that aside and we're

00:58:59.460 just going to file it we're going to file that and then when it's right to say it we'll say it

00:59:06.340 and that time may never come. How is that different though? I hate doing that by the way.

00:59:11.040 Like if I, if there's something wrong, I'm like, this needs to be figured out. I'm getting this

00:59:14.540 out of me right now. But how is that different than hiding things? Well, you are, you are

00:59:21.280 acknowledging that you have something to say, but you're filing it. So you're not saying I'm not

00:59:27.980 going to say that you're saying i'm going to i'm going to uh give this to god and god will help me

00:59:38.900 know when the right time is and so it's a it's a it's a it's faith it's a it's a move of faith

00:59:47.660 to put something that you strongly desire you really but you know that if you presented it now

00:59:55.720 it would be trouble okay okay no i've i can think of some examples then yeah yeah you put decide

01:00:02.800 and sometimes i'll say whatever that was in a moment and think oh right there that thing was

01:00:09.280 and and i've said it and it wasn't even my plan because now is the right time and it didn't cause

01:00:15.940 any trouble and i think huh wow that's cool okay yeah that makes sense i can get behind that okay

01:00:24.500 was there ever a rocky time between you two and how did you handle it oh yeah there was lots of

01:00:29.560 rocky times tons of rocky times yeah tons of rocky times but really you were very sick and I and I

01:00:35.660 also had my own health troubles too right when I used to eat gluten oh my god and when I used to

01:00:40.880 take well I stopped taking the birth control pill when Julian was born so you didn't know me then

01:00:46.520 but when I used to eat gluten, oh my God, it was, first of all, it was exhausting because I was

01:00:54.480 falling asleep all the time, but I also had no patience. It made me kind of crazy. And so I was

01:01:02.180 much more reactive than, than I am now. Now I'm pretty, you know, pretty. Yeah. And I was insanely

01:01:13.900 volatile yeah and very but but sick yeah from and like with the antidepressants and

01:01:20.520 just so sick that yeah we had rocky times but when I look back at that like especially during

01:01:28.640 my teenage years I mostly look back and think whoa like I was really sick and that's what I

01:01:36.220 think too yeah okay yeah that's all that's all i think really yeah and i think

01:01:41.620 well it's just it was unfortunate and it couldn't be dealt with any sooner than it was dealt with i

01:01:49.900 always i prayed to my mother you know my mother died in 2007 how old were you then um you were

01:01:58.220 in 92 i had the joints replaced in 2009 yeah i would have been 15. so when my mother died i

01:02:04.980 started and i may have prayed to her before that but because she was ill for a couple of years not

01:02:10.160 15 that would make me much older than i am i was not 15 let's just clarify that i don't have to be

01:02:16.380 any older than i already am no that that would have i don't know younger than 15 maybe 12 so

01:02:25.600 so i started praying for you then through my mom every day and i just asked my mom to intercede

01:02:34.320 you know come in and intercede mom we need you oh and then you got better and i was like thank you

01:02:41.020 mom yeah thank you mom

01:02:45.380 what were your first impressions of my husband i remember oh i remember we where did we meet

01:02:54.320 in a restaurant like we were sitting somewhere i think it might have been a restaurant and he sat

01:02:58.560 beside me and uh he would he turned to me he'd say hi Tammy say hi did I tell you I love your

01:03:06.860 daughter oh and then and he told me that that night five times really five times yeah that's

01:03:16.100 so nice oh yeah we were arguing before this podcast but that's pretty sweet oh that's nice

01:03:24.180 yes i think your first impression was i was at the cottage with you guys and he was facetiming me

01:03:31.860 and um i introduced you to him on the phone and you went are you gay

01:03:37.320 i did didn't i that was your actual that was the less sweet first impression but like to be fair

01:03:45.740 he was pretty nice good hair yeah so i thought well maybe i gotta ask

01:03:50.100 i think you were just testing him that was definitely that was definitely just a test

01:03:55.280 yeah it's just that's what we mean by like he has a sense of humor yeah like yeah yeah what's

01:04:00.980 his reaction gonna be if i just say this don't even know who this guy is my dad was like right

01:04:05.120 i know yeah so i've inherited some of that it's funny though yeah it was funny

01:04:10.560 oh that's nice

01:04:14.240 okay best advice that you gave me this one's for me

01:04:23.220 advice

01:04:26.100 I think the thing that I'm most grateful that I got from you

01:04:32.000 rather than it wasn't straight up advice like dad doling out advice

01:04:37.160 it it was watching you probably taught me to be more intuitive like I always knew you were

01:04:45.060 intuitive and I didn't understand what that was and I didn't believe I didn't even believe in

01:04:49.320 intuition until I think I got off all medications and was like oh you know there are things you can

01:04:54.960 pick up on that are because of your intuition not and they're real and I couldn't even access

01:05:03.740 that until i got off of all the medication but i think watching you be intuitive helped 1.00

01:05:07.440 and i think also watching you dive into all these quacks you brought me to mom when i was 0.98

01:05:13.320 sick starting from like grade two mom just brought me to people that i thought were quacks 0.89

01:05:20.260 every natural path after another and it was every naturopath it was people got you to hold

01:05:27.480 hold metal bars to see how you reacted to sugar and things and i was on i was so sick that like

01:05:35.940 i wasn't able to go to a naturopath and have them give me supplements and have them make any

01:05:40.560 semblance of difference and the more we tried the more skeptical i got but you just brought me to

01:05:46.540 like person after person after person trying and trying and trying and trying and so who knows how

01:05:52.540 much of my ability to just keep looking and keep looking and keep looking for answers to

01:06:01.000 whatever problem pops up is from that who knows how much of a difference that made because that

01:06:05.820 I definitely learned that from you thank you for telling me that you're welcome thank you for doing

01:06:13.160 that for me even though I was not happy about it at the time gratitude it's a good thing I think

01:06:21.900 we could we could end with this one what's it like living beside someone as famous as Jordan

01:06:29.000 and how does it affect you well let's see when Jordan was when I was sick and then he was sick

01:06:36.480 and we'd been apart and then we were finally together again and we just hadn't been out to

01:06:40.660 dinner in three years right and we invited Julian and Jill to go out for dinner and we go into this

01:06:48.700 restaurant and we just sit down and I can see out of the corner of my eye this lady running across

01:06:54.200 the restaurant you know so excited and I thought oh my god it's starting again and I wasn't ready

01:07:01.680 right I wasn't ready and he and she was coming to tell Jordan how much she loved him you know and

01:07:08.700 and I got up from my seat and I went in the bathroom and gathered myself and recognized okay

01:07:17.640 Tam this is this is life you have a public life your husband is a public figure um I did this

01:07:27.240 before and it was three years ago right I did this before I can do this again I just need to

01:07:33.240 take a moment I just need to take a moment and get my head wrapped around this and not be resentful

01:07:41.040 and not be angry that my life isn't what it used to be

01:07:45.900 and that my family doesn't have privacy anymore

01:07:49.680 and that we can be grateful that this is an opportunity.

01:07:56.000 I just had to wrap my head around it, and then I came out and I sat down.

01:08:00.120 So it's a challenge, right?

01:08:02.380 It's a challenge to be married to someone who's as well-known as he is.

01:08:07.240 but i think that he does a great job because he has space for everyone even if we're in a rush

01:08:17.560 you know we'll be in a we'll be late for a plane and somebody will i'll hear we'll hear dr peterson

01:08:23.860 and he stops and he shakes their hands and he asks them what their name is

01:08:29.460 and then he might say you know i have to go but he he doesn't ignore anybody and that's remarkable

01:08:36.500 to watch it's remarkable to see someone with that much compassion it's uh it's really something and

01:08:44.760 i i'm not i'm not surprised that he has the position that he does have because because he

01:08:51.560 can be that person and good for him you know that's what i think good for him and um when he

01:09:00.020 first became famous i thought hmm let's see what's going to happen to us now because he's famous and

01:09:05.920 so our marriage isn't what it was and so if I don't uh if I don't decide that this is something

01:09:13.780 that I can be a part of our marriage is over so I decided I could be a part of it and you know I

01:09:19.260 started slow I just went with him I didn't have anything to do with anything except for making

01:09:23.700 sure he was fed and and had enough rest and I did that for quite a long time and I listened to him

01:09:31.180 and I listened and listened and listened and really he'd been a professor I'd never taken

01:09:35.080 his classes you're right I'd never really spent any time focusing on his work I had done my own

01:09:41.720 thing but that year I sat in the audience for I don't know 200 shows and listened to everything

01:09:50.260 and I evaluated the quality of his lectures because I was there every day and some days he was

01:09:58.220 not as good as others and then I would think what did he do today was he tired you know so I was

01:10:02.480 really paying attention and trying to make this the best that I could. But the other thing I do

01:10:08.440 is I listened and I learned all the things that he was teaching. And that was great. So what an

01:10:15.020 opportunity. And I had no idea really that that is what was going to happen. It just happened that

01:10:22.040 way. And then I think when God came to me, it had something to do with me listening to all of those

01:10:29.480 lectures and really the bible was in all those lectures a little at a time it was in there and so

01:10:36.840 oh i just got goosebumps you did yeah well i do think that it was a part that was part of

01:10:43.120 why i was able to access uh my deepest um my deepest religion it was because of that

01:10:53.620 wow that's crazy yeah so you never know what's going to happen in your life so you have to think

01:11:00.800 about when something like that happens there's a big shift in our marriage um are you going to be

01:11:07.600 bitter are you going to decide that uh it's not your it's it's not about you so you're not going

01:11:15.140 to go? Or are you going to think, what's important here? What's important here? I'm his wife.

01:11:24.360 He's my husband. That bond has been very important to us up till now. It can continue to be important

01:11:34.520 if I decide that I will go along for the adventure. And so I've gone along for the adventure.

01:11:41.200 and it's worked out very well for me as well as for him but for me as well i found my place and

01:11:49.620 i'm very grateful so i'm very grateful why wouldn't i be you know i mean really it's uh

01:11:59.100 it's a beautiful experience i know that there's challenges that we're trying to address and

01:12:07.500 people suffer and we want to be helpful so it's good wow thank you very much for coming on nice

01:12:19.700 talking to you thanks for the invitation Michaela you know really thank you and thank you for

01:12:25.600 taking on your life like you have it's it's it's wonderful for a mother to see

01:12:31.440 you know it's great okay we'll shut this off before either of us start crying

01:12:37.100 Okay.

The Mikhaila Peterson Podcast - January 10, 2024

Tammy Peterson on Being Married to Jordan Peterson, Dating Advice & Parenting ｜ EP 196

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