The Roseanne Barr Podcast - Meemaw's Boy W⧸ Allen Covert ｜ The Roseanne Barr Podcast #132

00:00:00.260 Imagine yourself in Ottawa, surrounded by thousands of vibrant tulips, and discovering your new favorite micro-brew, before cycling along scenic bike paths, and wandering through a museum in awe.

00:00:13.820 Adventure awaits in Ottawa, from O to A. Plan your getaway at ottawatourism.ca.

00:00:20.360 Greetings Earthlings and humans and pod people, people who have been created in labs under the earth by Bill Gates and his ilk, disembodied spirits, nephilim to kill them, mockingbirds, what have you.

00:00:46.640 what are the other ones jake manchurian candidates the aliens under antarctica oh them of course

00:00:55.160 the hitlerians that hitler put 24 000 women down there with uh what was it eight german men and

00:01:04.340 they populated the entire continent which is bigger than america that's what they tell me

00:01:10.560 but you know that's when we're drinking and who knows what's real when you anyway

00:01:15.860 oh i was going to tell you that um i was getting really tired of using concealer for my eye bags

00:01:28.900 and then i just thought why not express them why not bring them out and honor them is that what

00:01:37.880 that is yes so i added gold gel to my eye bags i like it i think it looks good doesn't it it's

00:01:44.260 like a wrestler you like uh gold dust it's kind of cool isn't it yeah why should i hide them

00:01:51.500 it's acknowledging the struggle it is the struggle is real i just returned from where did i go

00:01:59.520 pittsburgh is that in pennsylvania yes it is yes it is and pittsburgh is an interesting place

00:02:06.760 and i met my peeps on my very first con convention what was it to meet people steel city con

00:02:19.960 well i thought i had died and gone to heaven people was lining up to give me money to tell

00:02:27.700 me how great i am it was like nothing i ever experienced in all my many years in the business

00:02:38.200 as they call it it was just great animals too i keep forgetting i gotta recognize real out there

00:02:45.240 animals who uh are not you know they are the highest form of intelligence because it's about

00:02:53.180 rational self-interest

00:02:56.440 and

00:02:58.120 and not

00:03:00.340 war

00:03:02.880 or slavery

00:03:04.420 it's really cool animals

00:03:06.500 they're really smart

00:03:08.020 they do war and slavery 0.99

00:03:09.220 I will tell you when you're allowed to speak 1.00

00:03:12.600 I'm sorry

00:03:13.140 I have to say welcome to the Roseanne

00:03:16.600 I thought we were already going

00:03:17.660 it's not the

00:03:20.400 what's your name again 1.00

00:03:22.860 alan alan covert podcast bitch welcome to the roseanne bar podcast bitch 0.98

00:03:32.960 okay everybody you know how i love to interview geniuses and uh i have uh interviewed quite a 0.91

00:03:46.760 few geniuses of late you can catch them here there was a lot of good good thinking people

00:03:53.740 tim pool on one hand and uh james lindsey on the other and i think there's a way for them

00:04:01.080 to reconcile if they just you know repent i'm working for god and just actually go hey we

00:04:08.640 we could do a lot to help people together anyway here's another genius this guy's a comedy genius

00:04:17.700 and you don't find a lot of them i never could find a lot of real men comedy geniuses who

00:04:28.560 recognized my genius which was of course more important than their genius but how wonderful

00:04:35.040 it is to have a male

00:04:36.960 genius and

00:04:39.100 a really good friend who I have

00:04:41.100 come to love while we made

00:04:43.100 a fabulous

00:04:44.240 show together. Alan Covert.

00:04:47.160 Hi, Alan. Hi, Roseanne.

00:04:48.940 How you doing? I'm good today.

00:04:51.660 I'm very excited about this.

00:04:53.000 Hey, Jake. We've been planning

00:04:55.020 this for almost a year. Yeah, we wanted

00:04:56.940 to figure how we could do this.

00:04:59.020 Now, talk about, Jake, how you

00:05:01.020 got him to work for me. Well,

00:05:03.000 I don't want to take all the credit because it was actually

00:05:04.960 You should, though, because Jake did it.

00:05:06.000 Yeah, no, Jake 100%.

00:05:07.600 I did a lot, but actually it was a follower that Melissa told me.

00:05:13.000 She's like, why don't you call Covert?

00:05:14.700 And I said, who? 0.87

00:05:15.980 And she's like, Ellen Covert.

00:05:17.380 And I was like, I never heard of him.

00:05:18.580 And then, no, that part's a joke.

00:05:20.080 But no, she did.

00:05:20.880 She said, he keeps getting suspended.

00:05:24.460 So I was like, we can't find him.

00:05:26.060 And she's like, she follows you so religiously.

00:05:27.920 She said, this is his current Twitter account.

00:05:30.440 And that I found you.

00:05:31.880 And that I called you.

00:05:32.860 And that we hired you.

00:05:33.840 Well, say what.

00:05:34.960 you said first to him it was god because it was a god connection right how i offered him the show

00:05:42.540 and he thought i was giving yeah don't tell him don't tell what's gonna happen before you tell

00:05:47.600 i just want to make sure i can talk about it no so we're building any yeah well we can talk about

00:05:53.160 everything i tell everyone every day about because i'll tell my side which was okay you tell your

00:05:59.460 side anyway we're glad we got you my side was that like i left happy madison a few years ago

00:06:05.860 to take some time off and spend with my teen daughters right after covid and my son but he's

00:06:11.360 solid sitting out there but the teen girls needed dad around so i took time off and then i wanted to

00:06:17.600 go back and i was like oh i want to make r-rated teen comedies for movie theaters and so i got

00:06:24.020 some scripts and i went around having a resume you know thought it was pretty good went around

00:06:30.700 hollywood didn't want to make comedies for well what was your what was on your resume it was some

00:06:36.820 pretty big movies yeah you know just a couple movies in the 90s and like what he's the most

00:06:42.200 successful producer happy guilt no honestly look a lot of that just go ahead anyway look i worked

00:06:48.100 on all the happy madison movies uh personally i co-wrote produced and starred in grandma's boy

00:06:57.780 that's what everybody loves grandma's boy you know i you know i co-wrote with sandler and

00:07:04.780 schwartz and the bench warmers a couple others i i used to work on all the comedy albums with

00:07:11.120 sandler in the early days when our buddy jack gariputo was producing the movies with adam you

00:07:15.640 You guys met in college, right?

00:07:16.560 Yeah, we all met at NYU.

00:07:17.780 Yeah.

00:07:18.260 Tim Herlihy, who's written pretty much,

00:07:21.440 I think he's the most successful comedy writer in history.

00:07:24.240 Yeah.

00:07:24.380 Wow, cool.

00:07:25.240 Well, box office-wise.

00:07:26.380 Well, yeah, you guys were making like 100 million.

00:07:28.560 But yeah, so we all met at NYU,

00:07:30.040 and then I really loved doing these crazy comedy albums with Adam

00:07:34.920 and with Talking Goats and songs and stuff.

00:07:41.600 And yeah, so there was all that,

00:07:43.920 But apparently no one in Hollywood wants to make movies, low-budget teen comedies anymore.

00:07:51.440 And so I was like, why?

00:07:53.560 I don't know.

00:07:54.760 Well, we have a theory, don't we?

00:07:57.100 Well, I mean, look.

00:07:59.640 Don't spill your water.

00:08:01.320 I won't.

00:08:01.780 It's not as fun to talk about, but basically it was greed.

00:08:04.940 It's like they don't want to spend, they don't know how to sell a teen comedy and they don't care.

00:08:12.340 yeah it has to be like

00:08:14.080 because if you make a teen comedy

00:08:16.000 for 15 million and say it makes 80

00:08:18.220 that's a lot of profit

00:08:20.060 but they want to make

00:08:22.760 they want to build the universe

00:08:25.100 and I get it

00:08:26.580 they're a business

00:08:27.300 you mean they want to make like 300 million

00:08:30.700 they want to spend 200 million

00:08:32.640 and get a billion

00:08:33.360 and then make 7 movies

00:08:37.280 and I get it

00:08:38.760 it's like Marvel does

00:08:39.660 Yeah, it's Marvel, DC.

00:08:42.060 It's a franchise.

00:08:42.640 Yeah, they're all doing the comic books now, right?

00:08:45.920 Yeah.

00:08:46.120 So there's no room for that anymore, and I don't like streaming,

00:08:50.020 so I was trying to figure out a way, because everything just disappears there.

00:08:54.000 Yeah.

00:08:54.260 And so I was trying to figure out a way, and apparently it wasn't working,

00:08:57.800 and I kind of just was like, literally, not to be, you know,

00:09:04.200 I said, I literally prayed and said, what the fuck am I supposed to do?

00:09:09.660 I was like, this is all I know how to do.

00:09:12.020 And then some lady who follows me on Twitter DM'd me and said,

00:09:19.080 hey, Roseanne's son, Jake, asked for your phone number.

00:09:24.480 I was like, yeah, give it to him.

00:09:26.660 And then he called.

00:09:29.060 It was the first misunderstanding we ever had.

00:09:31.200 No, but he calls and he's talking to me about, you know,

00:09:34.800 he was pitching that, oh, we're part of this thing,

00:09:38.040 and it's going to be like we're looking for content we want to build the whole thing

00:09:42.580 and this and that and he started naming some comedians and we're thinking of doing shows

00:09:47.000 and that and so we were heard you were available and i was just like yeah i go look i don't know

00:09:54.020 who no i i told you uh that one that we were a free speech comedy platform and we were willing

00:10:00.180 to have edgy comics and i named leonardo joanie at the time we were going to have her she's totally 0.88

00:10:05.640 a nazi now so fuck her but at the time she was just edgy and i knew who she was yeah and i said 1.00

00:10:10.480 uh you know she's gonna be on there as a selling point like we do not give a shit we'll say anything 0.89

00:10:14.660 and you thought i was hiring you to be your show and you're like i'm not doing a show for 0.69

00:10:17.620 no no no no that's not what i said at all because i thought she was funny and what i said was

00:10:21.900 i said but yeah i mean i'm gonna have to go meet them yeah i go i don't know who this person is i

00:10:28.060 don't know if i want to spend that much of my life at this point in my life with someone i don't know

00:10:33.120 So I'd have to sit down and meet him and see if I could get along with him.

00:10:36.600 And Jake goes, oh, I'm not calling about her.

00:10:38.900 I'm calling about my mom.

00:10:39.840 And I went, I'm in.

00:10:41.360 Just like that.

00:10:42.600 And he goes, anyway, there's a thing and there's a pilot and it's this.

00:10:46.600 I go, dude, I'm in.

00:10:48.860 I go, your mom knows me?

00:10:51.900 I'm in.

00:10:52.420 Let's go.

00:10:53.420 And then he goes, well, let me at least send you the script.

00:10:56.500 Because you and Alan Stevens had written this fucking script.

00:11:00.400 and so did you like the script he sent me the script and i literally go okay he he sent it to 0.81

00:11:06.880 me i read it in i think under 20 minutes yeah and i called him back right away and went i'm

00:11:13.220 definitely in yeah and and i told him i go her pinching that kid is never leaving yep even though 0.86

00:11:21.240 she pinches him we filmed it yeah yeah but but i was like if she's gonna be that mean to people

00:11:27.260 I am so in

00:11:28.780 but no the whole script

00:11:31.520 was great and the character and the world

00:11:33.460 you guys had already created was great

00:11:35.460 I was like

00:11:36.120 that took us 15 years to write that

00:11:39.140 well you guys had the first one kind of flesh

00:11:41.060 but then he came out and helped write

00:11:42.400 well he helped write one but two, three, four, five

00:11:45.400 and six the three of you wrote out here in the balcony for months

00:11:47.460 yeah

00:11:47.720 no but then I flew out to meet you and literally

00:11:51.600 just hit it off

00:11:52.960 it was just like hey

00:11:54.480 we we've done this before yeah no yeah same with alan then alan who's notoriously cranky

00:12:03.520 yeah really you think so and he just me and him and you just sat down and we sat on that back

00:12:11.000 porch and it was actually a really magical experience and by the way when i would describe

00:12:15.580 by the way can we talk about the way we wrote and how insane it was and the fact that we actually

00:12:21.140 have six amazing scripts fucking amen i can't even believe it was just like people can't even 0.79

00:12:27.760 believe what we did was like what are you doing and i swear to god i don't know but it was like 0.92

00:12:32.100 one in the afternoon and i was just so stoned i couldn't even i was cross-eyed you were already

00:12:38.680 drinking champagne and we were just playing different songs yeah sometimes the inspiration

00:12:43.720 but then like two hours later we wrote like 20 pages yeah based on those songs it was a fun

00:12:50.300 writing process wasn't it cool yeah we just hung out i loved it because it was uh my writing process

00:12:56.820 and you guys were accommodating to me of course because i'm you know a boss yeah but uh it was

00:13:04.260 nice to um be in a different position as a whatever it is i am diva yeah creator but um not having to

00:13:16.700 beg up yes you know but to like be in control of my own vision of stuff and you know you um

00:13:32.660 you know you helped me get it on camera that was really that was my first time ever that was one

00:13:42.000 of the things i said to jake early and to you early i said he said very clearly early on was

00:13:48.480 like mom's in charge and i went so yeah we don't have to answer to anyone else no that's like

00:13:55.680 that's and he said yeah and i go nothing could make me happy no network because i didn't

00:14:01.340 understand then because you know like a lot it's we i was on your show once yeah i didn't even know

00:14:09.220 it famous hand model yeah yeah they ended up cutting out everything except my finger

00:14:15.180 you could hear my voice uh but because we had i i helped you and your ex-husband out at the

00:14:24.120 santa monica improv one night and then i bullied him into putting me getting me on the show

00:14:29.420 how'd you help us out you this was about a month after you sang at a baseball game oh

00:14:38.200 Tom Arnold then yeah and you had a house in Malibu and you guys were driving back and you

00:14:44.920 stopped at the Santa Monica Improv uh-huh and I was the showroom host oh I used to seat people

00:14:52.000 and also tell the comics when they had you know five minutes left or whatever and you know bud

00:14:57.400 oh yeah rule number one when you're the showroom host if someone famous walks in the door the

00:15:02.280 first thing you say is hi do you want to go on stage right and so I turned around there's you

00:15:07.500 and Tom. I went, hey, Roseanne, you want to go

00:15:09.540 on stage? And you said, no, everybody hates

00:15:11.500 me. The president hates me.

00:15:13.840 I was like, you're

00:15:15.600 Roseanne. You're crazy.

00:15:17.700 Everyone loves you. It seems to be a pattern that

00:15:19.600 repeats. Yeah, really?

00:15:21.460 I mean, really. It's kind of like

00:15:23.640 a bipolar. Then you went on

00:15:25.560 stage and, you know, it's down to the basement

00:15:27.660 in Santa Monica and there's like 40

00:15:29.400 people, but they were like,

00:15:30.660 Roseanne. And so

00:15:33.540 then a week later, I saw Tom

00:15:35.440 and he was like hey thanks she had fun that night and i was like i remember that but i don't remember

00:15:40.380 you yeah i was but i do remember i don't remember the experience whatsoever except for coming out

00:15:48.720 and coming upstairs yeah and taking a deep breath and being able to walk down the street at night

00:15:55.160 not feeling like i was going to be attacked from some crazy because a lot of people don't remember

00:16:01.020 you were getting death threats at the national anthem it was dark it was worse than the two i

00:16:05.120 had to have police come and sit on my

00:16:07.040 roof to protect my children. Yeah, I had to stay

00:16:08.980 inside. But that's when the right

00:16:11.080 wingers hated my dads.

00:16:12.940 And they were scarier. They were scarier back then.

00:16:15.340 They were, because they were armed and 1.00

00:16:16.840 Bible, and they were like, she 1.00

00:16:18.340 hates America. They were like that weird Bible. 0.99

00:16:20.780 Yeah, they were weird all the time. Well, that's

00:16:22.860 when they were saying that

00:16:24.820 well, they already hated

00:16:27.020 me because they said I

00:16:28.340 was a dirty Jew that put

00:16:30.980 on the homosexuals. 1.00

00:16:32.700 Which was true. Both of those were true. 1.00

00:16:34.740 they had a point

00:16:36.320 they had a point

00:16:37.400 but yeah

00:16:39.060 no it was dark

00:16:39.680 we had armed guards

00:16:40.860 living in our house

00:16:41.700 for months

00:16:42.460 but then

00:16:43.460 I was

00:16:43.940 you know

00:16:44.440 just at a buffet

00:16:45.380 and I won't name it

00:16:47.140 because it's

00:16:47.680 not a good one

00:16:48.780 but

00:16:49.900 people would

00:16:51.360 run at me

00:16:52.460 with a fork

00:16:53.680 in their hand

00:16:54.220 at a buffet

00:16:54.840 at Golden Corral

00:16:55.880 they would

00:16:56.240 yeah

00:16:56.960 yeah

00:16:58.960 it was scary times

00:17:00.440 uh oh

00:17:01.240 I just bumped my mic

00:17:02.360 that's fine

00:17:02.920 I'll try

00:17:03.200 no it's good

00:17:04.120 it's good

00:17:04.780 Yeah, that was some scary shit.

00:17:06.760 That's happened a few times.

00:17:07.680 I saw Tom two weeks later, and I was like, dude, put me on the show.

00:17:11.000 Because he told me that you were happy that night.

00:17:13.260 I was happy.

00:17:14.220 I said, put me on the show.

00:17:15.620 He goes, oh, you're an actor?

00:17:16.800 And I said, why else would I be in L.A. at my age at the improv?

00:17:22.520 And so I got the one line on the show, and you were really nice to me.

00:17:26.200 When I was there on the set, and I took a bow, and you were like, yeah.

00:17:30.580 Tell the story of your dad when it aired.

00:17:32.340 Oh, and then.

00:17:33.000 I love this story

00:17:34.620 the next day after it aired

00:17:36.880 number one show in America

00:17:38.360 and so there's three cameras

00:17:40.720 and two of them

00:17:42.920 you could see me and one of them you just see my

00:17:44.900 finger but of course the one where you

00:17:46.880 see my finger was the two shot of you and Dan

00:17:49.160 so you know where

00:17:50.660 we all know where that was headed

00:17:52.260 and so my dad

00:17:54.800 calls me the next day and he goes

00:17:56.660 hey congrats I heard you on Roseanne

00:17:59.020 last night

00:17:59.740 i want to show everybody my gun then let's do an ad and come back i love the golden finger

00:18:08.440 with my gold finger gold finger yeah let's do an ad break we can do them at the end too unless

00:18:15.700 you want to do it we'll do it now yeah then we'll come back plus this is like the coolest thing we've

00:18:20.520 ever sold what is it the fume oh yes that thing i love this thing i do you have three or four of

00:18:28.420 them around the house well they sent extra because i said i love it so much they sent they want you

00:18:31.800 to try it it's okay it's basically flavored air it's not an inhalant there's no no vapor no heat

00:18:39.320 you put this little thing in you open it up and it's this is licorice flavor it's not bad for you

00:18:46.320 doesn't nothing goes in your lungs they don't understand smokers no they do this actually

00:18:51.120 helps people quit smoking it's been very successful yeah because look you get the

00:18:54.320 Well, that's for people that want to quit smoking.

00:18:57.220 Well, of course, but what else are you going to do?

00:18:59.580 Or say you're in downtown LA, and the air is so gross that it actually tastes like urine.

00:19:07.380 Yeah, that's a good point.

00:19:09.860 No, these are cool.

00:19:10.580 You put them in the last couple days, and they give you the oral fixation.

00:19:13.640 Well, okay, I'll try it.

00:19:14.440 I know I have to quit smoking.

00:19:16.100 I have to go to that fucking heart doctor tomorrow.

00:19:18.300 You said you went, and he didn't do nothing horrible to you.

00:19:21.600 Well, he ran some tests, but then he schedules you for, like, the other treadmill test.

00:19:27.160 And you just never go back.

00:19:27.820 No, I went there.

00:19:29.380 I can't remember what happened.

00:19:30.540 I went there either.

00:19:31.340 I went on the wrong day, or something was messed up, and they said, you have to reschedule.

00:19:35.660 Yeah.

00:19:36.580 Well, that's one thing.

00:19:37.780 Let's read the ad, and then I've got to tell.

00:19:39.280 All right.

00:19:39.560 I want to think about your heart, because we have so many things to get to.

00:19:42.280 No, I want to go right into the, okay.

00:19:45.480 Remember, everyone thought your heart was going to explode.

00:19:46.980 But I also wanted to tell you what my Jewish grandmother said the first time she saw me on TV.

00:19:53.640 What did she say?

00:19:54.300 I did stand-up on some dumb MTV show back in the day called Kamikaze.

00:19:59.200 I think it might be the first time I was ever on TV.

00:20:02.260 And I was doing stand-up.

00:20:03.520 Don't know how I got it because I was not a stand-up.

00:20:07.700 Anyway, so I get it and I call my grandmother the next day.

00:20:12.220 And I go, did you watch it?

00:20:13.420 What did you think?

00:20:14.180 And she goes, your nose was huge.

00:20:16.980 that's not my mom she goes was it the camera couldn't they have moved it

00:20:23.660 and then i said i go what did you think of my joke she goes oh that's not for me

00:20:32.500 i was like yes grandma so horrible i'm sorry oh my god uh what are we doing

00:20:43.860 Cravings aren't just about nicotine.

00:20:47.920 They're about the habit, the hand-to-mouth motion, the oral fixation.

00:20:53.520 It's a big part of it.

00:20:54.360 Yeah, the momentary pause.

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00:21:27.580 Yeah, I can see that it's kind of rewiring.

00:21:31.180 That might work for me.

00:21:32.400 I am going to try it.

00:21:33.860 Well, you spin.

00:21:34.520 See, it's closed now because that'll keep the cartridge fresh.

00:21:37.420 And then when I want to smoke, I open it up and now there's an air hole.

00:21:39.960 No, but is that the holder?

00:21:41.120 So it's incorporating all the ritualistic behavior of smoking, which is good, because that's what I love, too.

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00:22:53.460 and use the code roseanne to claim your free gift today

00:22:56.880 and dude uh and we can take a break but i just want to tell you real quick these little

00:23:05.820 flavor cartridges are so cool they have multiple flavors i talked to the guy in the onboarding

00:23:10.260 this was invented by a company that wanted to give people healthy alternatives about habits so they

00:23:16.000 created something that's a good habit that's the whole premise behind well it's got all the ritual

00:23:20.960 of smoking yeah involved it's like they're reaching for the drama of that's what i'm saying

00:23:27.080 the inhale the exhale it's like a little yeah so when you're telling your joke you you know you can

00:23:33.020 time it out you're like so i says to this guy go fuck yourself which honestly is like 80 of

00:23:41.240 smoking is that whole thing but anyway the ritual highly recommend no joke if try these if you and 0.89

00:23:46.300 even if you do want to keep smoking this don't even use this to help you quit smoking just do

00:23:50.700 it as something else i'm gonna get a nicotine thing right that gun is not your lighter yeah

00:23:57.980 no i know oh why don't i have my gun i don't know where it is but anyway it's in my top drawer

00:24:02.580 hey look at this my trump gun with my awesome what you might call gold finger i love what is

00:24:09.360 that it's a finger can you bend your finger yeah oh that's really cool oh you i didn't think you

00:24:15.740 scarper and ellie that's pretty cool like this earring which is so and then your bracelet

00:24:21.900 oh yeah and a face all right a couple things and then i'll let you watch out with the gun

00:24:25.860 you have to tell people that your heart is fine because we did this convention this weekend oh

00:24:30.860 Yeah, you guys, everybody was praying for my heart.

00:24:33.820 You know, I was just telling a joke, and the lady wrote it up like it wasn't a joke.

00:24:38.540 But it was a joke because at the end of the run, I go, that's why I need a new doctor.

00:24:43.560 Yeah.

00:24:44.040 Because he's telling me I need to get my heart checked.

00:24:47.180 I need a new doctor.

00:24:48.620 But they wrote it up like, you know.

00:24:50.920 Anyway, I said, I don't even care if I have a bad heart.

00:24:53.760 I know I'm not going to get a fucking heart operation anyway.

00:24:59.540 I would just die my way out of this shit.

00:25:01.600 Then she talked about how great hospice was, and they all got scared.

00:25:04.440 Hospice is my dream life.

00:25:06.280 My blood pressure, the same.

00:25:07.760 My blood pressure was like, too.

00:25:09.480 Yeah.

00:25:10.760 And I went.

00:25:12.400 But, by the way, it's good to go to the doctor and get checked.

00:25:17.480 Yeah, absolutely.

00:25:18.780 Not necessarily.

00:25:20.400 Every time you go to the doctor and get checked, you find out you're sick.

00:25:27.520 Don't go to the hospital.

00:25:29.540 there you get

00:25:31.520 it's true

00:25:32.060 she's not kidding

00:25:32.980 this is how her mind is

00:25:34.000 she's like I don't want

00:25:34.520 to go to the doctor

00:25:35.140 tomorrow

00:25:35.320 if I don't know

00:25:36.580 I'm sick

00:25:37.060 then I won't be sick 1.00

00:25:38.340 it's so retarded 1.00

00:25:38.720 right 0.99

00:25:39.140 no

00:25:39.800 until I'm sick

00:25:41.080 then I'll go to the doctor

00:25:42.940 alright

00:25:43.820 I'm not going

00:25:44.960 if I ain't sick

00:25:45.980 why give him the money

00:25:47.280 I don't go to the doctor

00:25:47.700 this one time

00:25:48.620 I'll never forget

00:25:49.860 when I was pregnant 1.00

00:25:50.660 she's not going to let you talk 1.00

00:25:51.420 okay

00:25:51.840 I'm sorry

00:25:52.640 no no go ahead

00:25:53.260 this is part of the charm

00:25:54.540 of the Roseanne Bar Podcast

00:25:55.200 are we on the show right now

00:25:56.560 or are we still

00:25:57.240 on a commercial

00:25:57.800 no we're on the show

00:25:58.780 this is how it works welcome to the podcast um so your heart's fine that's good news and eric

00:26:06.820 swalwell just dropped out of congress isn't that fucking great we're just so happy i'm not sure 0.75

00:26:12.580 was he my congressman where was california yeah um i don't know let me look at someone dumb i 0.89

00:26:18.560 remember just having someone dumb well they're all dumb i just had someone ineffective who did 0.63

00:26:23.100 nothing that's all of them yeah yeah especially was such a gross loud mouth oh good sleeping with 0.71

00:26:32.680 the chinese spy are you kidding how are you still there after that don't do a thing about it just 0.75

00:26:40.080 like diane feinstein getting drove around by a chinese spy he's north of san jose well he got 0.71

00:26:47.960 caught with the spy um he was he's just a horrible person california's ran like shit the lady that

00:26:53.880 they threw him under the bus for yeah who katie porter yeah or they think the billionaire now

00:27:00.320 all of a sudden they like billionaires i don't like oh they always love the billion yeah but uh

00:27:04.140 but katie porter like in her divorce like it's on divorce i don't know but her husband but uh 0.78

00:27:12.900 In the divorce papers, it's on record that she, like, injured him by dumping scalding hot mashed potatoes on his head.

00:27:22.280 Oh, no.

00:27:23.420 To which I was like, I might vote.

00:27:24.900 Did she marry Newsome?

00:27:26.220 I might vote for her. 0.98

00:27:27.380 No, that was Harvey's ex-girlfriend. 0.70

00:27:29.700 Yeah.

00:27:30.520 Harvey Weinstein's ex-girlfriend. 1.00

00:27:31.920 She went and slept with Weinstein.

00:27:33.560 Who?

00:27:33.780 Actually, didn't she sleep with Weinstein while she was married to Newsome?

00:27:36.940 I don't know that.

00:27:38.000 I know he cheated on his ex with.

00:27:40.520 With her best friend.

00:27:41.440 Kimberly Garfoil.

00:27:42.760 yeah no not her that was married that was the first one uh-huh you be nice he's gonna be our 0.97

00:27:48.120 future president you don't talk about about fuck he will that china motherfucker goddamn he was he 0.94

00:27:54.700 got busted uh hoarding chinese weapons in downtown 100 and the masks i just yeah california is just 0.91

00:28:02.740 it's done he sold those chinese ports i mean american ports to china to bring in those hillary

00:28:11.200 clinton's slave uh children all locked up in there in the shipping containers yeah and they

00:28:17.860 was yeah that's from haiti well no they would come to la from haiti no they came through disney

00:28:24.420 world yeah they come in on the disney cruise why do you think it stops at that little island

00:28:30.560 it's so true little saint james no it's not disney stop can i yeah i'm i'm zellig

00:28:37.460 or Forrest Gump in a way?

00:28:39.700 I know you are.

00:28:41.140 When I was 15, my dad, one of my dad's clients,

00:28:45.260 my dad did real estate law down in Florida,

00:28:47.420 and one of his clients was going to build a resort

00:28:51.280 on this private island.

00:28:53.100 St. James?

00:28:53.800 No.

00:28:54.940 But it's the one where the Disney,

00:28:56.860 they ended up getting sold to Disney.

00:28:59.400 But the real story is that I went and lived there

00:29:03.720 for a month as a caretaker when I was somewhere 15.

00:29:07.460 found out later the guy was a drug dealer no shit he went he went like to prison

00:29:13.660 like i said to my dad i'm like you let me go live on a island that they were smuggling drugs 0.63

00:29:21.680 i was like i didn't know it's so crooked i can't wait till the american people find out the real

00:29:28.620 deal screw the epstein list wait till they find out oh my god i'm just really happy about it about

00:29:35.480 offshore accounts and insider trading when they're going hey we can give them covid they'll all take

00:29:41.640 it what do you say i'm putting a hundred million of my private equity equity against the american

00:29:48.780 people refusing the forced vaccine let's go wall street well i just don't know why when they've

00:29:54.740 made covid in the lab they made it like not that deadly it was like 98 or 99 survivable no but they

00:30:01.740 did it by ethnicity that's what's real because they're eugenicists i know but they should have 0.92

00:30:06.560 released something that would have killed more people that's well they killed most of them in 0.59

00:30:09.860 china because china wanted that they kill a lot of old people and fat people so but yeah which is 0.82

00:30:14.700 fine but my friend one of my friends from growing up is uh they forced every israeli to take it 0.96

00:30:22.540 yeah i think the vaccine's probably gonna end up killing yeah that's gonna kill more people yeah

00:30:25.940 but my friend's an infectious disease specialist a kid i grew up with down in south florida and i

00:30:31.380 called him in like january when it first started coming out and i said what's the deal

00:30:35.540 and he goes well it's a it's it's a herd killer yeah yeah he said if you're old your dna he's no

00:30:43.880 he said if you're old it's a herd thinner he said if you're old or have comorbidities comorbidities

00:30:51.640 it's true well they had to get rid they had to get rid of the uh ones that would have went on

00:30:58.520 medicaid yeah because they had to save that to bring in but the illegal rapists so they'd vote

00:31:05.140 democrat but by the way it was a long-term 40-year goal it's like a merger and acquisition

00:31:12.080 had to clear the room they're all serial killers i had to take the shot because i was at netflix

00:31:17.460 at the time and i couldn't work i couldn't go to the set unless i took a shot oh so i took the

00:31:22.760 fucking shot because i wanted to work and then got covid like five times now you have to go to

00:31:29.600 the heart and none of it was ever bad my son hank the great one out there had covid when he the first

00:31:36.460 he had covid and at the end of it it was literally he just goes that's it because that was like three

00:31:41.480 days and he would mock people publicly like out in public he would talk about they would say

00:31:47.220 something about covid and hank who was like eight at the time or something would be like i had it

00:31:52.220 it was nothing it was nothing well i think it was uh to kill off old jewish people that was the 0.59

00:31:59.640 reason and remember i said that to dr what's his ass drew dr drew yeah i said i want you to answer 0.85

00:32:07.300 truthfully dr drew they are trying to kill off the old people that's what cuomo did in new york 0.84

00:32:13.880 because nobody else goes to rest homes but you know uh old jewish people like and a lot of them 0.84

00:32:21.540 are puerto rican you know and they just put them in there because the son-in-law can't take no more 1.00

00:32:28.460 and he killed them because they don't want them getting the money they was needing so they could 0.78

00:32:36.580 bring in trendy agua over here that was that it cleared the room and put them in them five-star

00:32:42.200 hotels that's probably what it was that's where all the medicaid went to yeah i never saw all

00:32:50.400 Medicaid, all fucking welfare benefits, children's education.

00:32:55.000 It all went to important Democrat voters because Americans had had enough.

00:32:59.660 Yeah. 0.99

00:32:59.820 So they stole it and brought in, like, fucking rapists.

00:33:05.700 They brought in fucking rapists and jihadis to come in here and go,

00:33:10.680 America is racist.

00:33:13.100 Yep. 0.77

00:33:13.540 Now go get them.

00:33:16.140 That's probably exactly what the plan is.

00:33:18.080 It is.

00:33:18.800 I know how they think.

00:33:20.020 Yeah.

00:33:20.400 You know, they ain't nothing but devil worshippers, huh?

00:33:23.640 You know how we counter it?

00:33:24.900 How?

00:33:25.680 Meemaw.

00:33:26.380 Yeah, let's talk about it.

00:33:27.260 Oh, let's talk about the show.

00:33:29.340 Family, God, guns, more God.

00:33:33.500 It's the best show ever.

00:33:34.500 Even more God.

00:33:35.840 It's so good. 1.00

00:33:36.800 Filthy, disgusting, old people having make out sex. 1.00

00:33:42.100 He's talking about you. 1.00

00:33:42.820 No, I mean, it is my opus.

00:33:49.680 I think so

00:33:50.960 I think it's the best thing

00:33:51.640 you've ever done

00:33:52.100 and that's a high bar

00:33:52.760 it's so

00:33:53.260 and Covert

00:33:54.820 I can die happy

00:33:56.260 if people could just see

00:33:57.920 these

00:33:58.340 eight

00:34:00.440 is it

00:34:01.060 who knows

00:34:02.240 who knows

00:34:02.820 that's the fun thing

00:34:03.560 about you guys

00:34:04.060 you guys are totally

00:34:04.860 in control

00:34:05.360 so we'll see what happens

00:34:06.640 it'll probably be

00:34:07.040 46 minute episodes

00:34:08.520 they could be

00:34:09.960 6 minute episodes

00:34:11.320 it just depends

00:34:11.960 where we go

00:34:12.420 we're kind of

00:34:13.540 free agent

00:34:15.000 on this

00:34:15.620 this has never been

00:34:16.520 done like this

00:34:17.400 but anyways

00:34:18.660 it's good we talked about how we got started it like a movie it's like it's actually like

00:34:26.320 two 90 minute comedies yeah isn't it yeah well no because you know because of the way hollywood

00:34:35.060 works if you do a certain number of episodes you have to hire a certain number more people

00:34:40.320 and not wanting to ever dilute the fact

00:34:44.980 that you were in charge.

00:34:47.780 So we figured out that six episodes,

00:34:51.540 one director,

00:34:53.460 no one else gets to say a word

00:34:56.220 except you, Alan, and Alan Jr.

00:35:00.320 Well, that was the brilliance of the process

00:35:01.840 when we brought COVID in.

00:35:02.920 He was going to be the showrunner, producer,

00:35:04.720 because Alan was sick,

00:35:06.040 and you and Alan are your creative writers,

00:35:09.020 but we needed someone that could actually produce

00:35:10.540 and do the nuts and bolts,

00:35:12.060 which was, you know,

00:35:13.620 I did a little bit.

00:35:14.700 We needed someone that knew what they're doing.

00:35:15.980 That's why I called Covert.

00:35:17.120 But then Covert suggested that he would direct

00:35:19.440 because it was...

00:35:21.020 Because it was like one less voice.

00:35:23.040 One less voice, also cheaper.

00:35:25.220 And most importantly, it was film style

00:35:27.420 and we had budgetary constraints

00:35:28.920 because this was independently financed.

00:35:31.080 And so you came out here to write and produce

00:35:33.680 and ended up directing, writing, producing.

00:35:35.860 And it was moving here.

00:35:37.500 Yeah.

00:35:37.700 It was like a life-changing for all of us.

00:35:40.000 It was great.

00:35:40.520 Nobody's seen it.

00:35:41.100 But we did it so smart because we got a great cinematographer.

00:35:44.760 Yeah.

00:35:45.120 That was the whole key.

00:35:46.080 That's how he saw me.

00:35:47.020 That was key.

00:35:47.460 I said we can find someone who will shoot the hell out of this.

00:35:51.520 And no matter how much money we have, it'll look like we have a lot.

00:35:56.240 And, you know, it's a matter of just finding the right people.

00:35:59.060 And Austin, every person we met was just so good.

00:36:04.160 Perfect.

00:36:04.640 Like unbelievable.

00:36:05.480 And so unassuming.

00:36:10.440 You know, everyone is just very, like, unassuming.

00:36:15.820 I mean, the costume woman, she was like, oh, my God,

00:36:20.040 I always have wanted to design for my own personal Barbie doll, 0.99

00:36:25.160 and you're it.

00:36:26.420 It was so fun.

00:36:28.340 No, every department had power.

00:36:31.240 And every department was great.

00:36:32.420 our ad department with rimmer the best the best by the way will rimmer great ad but literally we

00:36:40.200 told him we hired him because his last name was rimmer i know that's what we just wanted to yell

00:36:44.620 out rimmer we've sold that on the show and that's that's true it is true we didn't know we got to

00:36:49.440 go with the guy named rimmer yeah you had to do it but also his resume was impeccable yeah and

00:36:54.480 the dp peter kowalski i mean what i mean you'll people will see it's like it's got a great look

00:37:01.960 it doesn't you know

00:37:04.060 I said I want it shot like

00:37:06.660 a fable yeah it looks like a fable

00:37:08.560 it looks it shows Texas

00:37:10.860 and really we

00:37:12.560 leaned into Texas and how beautiful

00:37:14.680 the hill country is

00:37:15.980 and God

00:37:17.620 God does a guest role on this show

00:37:20.700 yeah God does a guest

00:37:22.000 God hasn't done TV in a long long time

00:37:24.740 who else are you going to get for the finale

00:37:26.340 for the big season finale

00:37:28.180 we used all your connections

00:37:29.680 and your legacy and my personal

00:37:32.240 but when I tell

00:37:34.220 people that because I go through like

00:37:35.900 I'll talk to them I'll give the main

00:37:38.120 things I'll be like 1.00

00:37:39.360 matriarch 1.00

00:37:42.300 of a poor farmly poor 0.86

00:37:44.140 Jewish farming family in Texas

00:37:46.500 daughter

00:37:48.280 Drea DiMatteo

00:37:49.860 amazing

00:37:50.740 son of law Omar Gooding

00:37:54.400 amazing

00:37:54.960 so beyond anything I

00:37:58.280 expected from anybody in that role me too and uh i like how he's suspicious of everything i do

00:38:06.280 yeah he's always got his eye on you but he also yeah but he plays such a he's a man they're strong

00:38:13.100 parents yeah they're strong they're very strong parents he's such a strong masculine dad which

00:38:20.380 hasn't been don't ever see you never see that on tv no we're bringing that back but he's also

00:38:25.940 goofy and crazy yeah and then the kids in indy of course we found well monique found her and said

00:38:34.180 uh this girl not only looks like you she acts just like you too and she does she's gonna be

00:38:41.360 the huge star i guess from god and she's i mean i can't wait for america to discover her she's 0.74

00:38:49.340 only 13 years old but my god she's already famous on tiktok yeah she has a million but but yeah but

00:38:55.440 There's one thing to do that and then to do what she does here, which is like... 0.98

00:38:59.260 No, it's the greatest acting you've ever seen. 0.94

00:39:02.320 Yeah, no.

00:39:03.060 She's a star. 1.00

00:39:03.760 A star.

00:39:03.980 Yeah, I've been around some great kid actors.

00:39:07.140 I have discovered a lot of great people.

00:39:09.980 You both have been there at the early launches of a lot of people's careers.

00:39:12.740 But she's ten times anywhere.

00:39:14.720 In the minute both of us saw her, we were both just like, oh, okay.

00:39:21.140 She's lovely.

00:39:22.320 but yeah so i start like that and i explain you're a farmer and you guys are always trying

00:39:27.680 to make ends meet and cutting corners and but you know it gets i explain that it then kind of goes

00:39:33.700 into this then it's kind of like you know the farmer's bull gets lost and there's a large reward

00:39:39.880 and so she prays that god will lead the bull over and she leaves the tunnel door open and all her

00:39:49.180 prayers are answered because bulls are worth a lot of money especially certain yeah so but so 0.70

00:39:54.920 people are already interested and then i say oh and she's a disaster prepper and they're like oh

00:39:59.280 my god yeah the family are preppers yeah and they're they do believe armageddon is coming 0.87

00:40:05.360 and they're getting ready for mixed race jews in texas yes and people are and then randy quaid is 0.97

00:40:11.540 the uh sheriff he's the lover the love interest and everyone and i really did fall madly in love

00:40:18.000 with him too you really did i really did oh my god i kind of did too i kind of mean i couldn't

00:40:23.740 wait to make out with him yeah she started writing extra love scenes after you met him i did 0.97

00:40:28.620 because at first i loved doing it right under his kinky wife's nose i think she liked it more 0.92

00:40:34.320 than anyone i think well she started telling me what to do to him oh that reminds me we might 1.00

00:40:42.700 have to add in the edit where she crawls up i you're crawling up your to sit on his face

00:40:47.360 has to go back to the show

00:40:48.560 I thought we added it back

00:40:50.060 we're going to refine it

00:40:52.900 tell everyone how sexy I am

00:40:55.520 in my sex scenes

00:40:56.500 when I do the strip tease

00:40:58.260 I was a producer on the show

00:40:59.480 I was there when you were doing a strip tease

00:41:01.020 and everyone was worried about me

00:41:02.060 this is a professional

00:41:04.020 I can be objective

00:41:05.980 you were amazing

00:41:06.740 it's the best you've ever looked

00:41:08.520 it is obvious in the show

00:41:13.180 that every man

00:41:14.600 is in love

00:41:16.520 with Rose. Well, that's because I wrote it.

00:41:18.540 That's fine. No, it's my favorite part.

00:41:19.880 Every man in town

00:41:21.780 loves Rose Hamstein.

00:41:24.420 But no, you look really good. Well, it is a fable.

00:41:26.520 A lot of people are blown away by it.

00:41:28.240 I love the fable part because it just kind of

00:41:30.260 starts, you know, what happens

00:41:32.100 in fables? Weird things. Donkeys

00:41:34.140 talk, you know, red seeds.

00:41:36.300 People get swallowed by whales.

00:41:38.360 It's like, we got it all. We don't

00:41:40.140 have that. It gets very, very weird.

00:41:42.200 But it gets out there. It goes way

00:41:44.320 out there. But

00:41:46.160 It kind of starts like Roseanne with the family

00:41:48.560 and then it turns into like an acid trip.

00:41:50.720 It's kind of like what I would have done

00:41:52.660 in the 11th season on ABC

00:41:54.840 if they had any balls.

00:41:56.760 Yeah.

00:41:57.160 By the way, no one could ever do this on a network.

00:42:01.480 No, never.

00:42:02.760 And not because it's like,

00:42:04.540 oh, we got this and that.

00:42:06.500 No, it's because...

00:42:07.340 Oh, they were so freaked out 1.00

00:42:08.400 that Roseanne had a black granddaughter on that show. 0.99

00:42:11.500 Yeah. 1.00

00:42:12.380 And Sarah Gilbert especially going,

00:42:14.500 because i go they're gonna come home and live at home yeah dj his wife and

00:42:19.660 granddaughter she freaked out she goes no well i think she just didn't like that it was a girl

00:42:28.080 i think she wanted to be trans no i don't think she liked that they was black

00:42:33.340 the daughter-in-law's black is sarah gilbert a leftist are you kidding well then she said

00:42:40.100 she said no yeah right i know but she goes i i want darlene to live in the house with her um 0.93

00:42:47.600 gender fluid son that was addressed and so but she did live in the house right well yeah because

00:42:54.480 she got her way because tom warner of course backed her up and aren't her kids transgender

00:42:59.700 two of them they're transhuman but by the way what are the odds that episode was great

00:43:04.640 where you went to the school

00:43:06.920 because people forget that you can't

00:43:09.840 You're talking about from the first series?

00:43:13.260 No, from the reboot.

00:43:14.500 Well, of course, because I figured

00:43:16.600 You're literally just

00:43:17.740 you're trying to protect your grandchild

00:43:21.180 and she's thinking that you're being a bigot.

00:43:24.960 Well, I wrote that scene in there

00:43:27.280 because she is just all CIA talking points 1.00

00:43:32.220 and leftist democrat op lgbtq plus cia and a witch and she's a lesbian witch with all those 0.83

00:43:42.260 covens that they got over there in la in hollywood i believe oh they're all in a coven 0.72

00:43:49.280 i mean and they're proud of it too yeah see i'm lucky my whole life in hollywood was spent at

00:43:56.300 happy madison i never had to go outside the bubble and deal with all that did you love it did you

00:44:04.420 have fun oh my god we had the greatest time ever you guys had a run that's legendary box office

00:44:10.700 legendary run one after another but it was and we were crazy we and we just kept i mean sailor's

00:44:17.140 non-stop yeah yeah he's got a lot of non-stop it's like we would be in the editing room and

00:44:22.240 Him and I would be working on a new album.

00:44:24.520 He would be putting together a tour.

00:44:26.860 Yeah.

00:44:27.260 He, you know, he'd be like, I got to go on the road.

00:44:29.620 You know, he's like you.

00:44:31.080 You're the same way.

00:44:32.260 Can't stop.

00:44:33.260 You know, the worst period of this entire process was when we got delayed for three weeks.

00:44:39.160 All right.

00:44:39.880 Quick break to talk about something I've just started using, Rumble Wallet.

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00:46:01.920 rumble wallet is a technology provider only and not a custodial service see terms at

00:46:09.400 rump at wallet.rumble.com yep wallet.rumble.com and you can also tip my mother on the podcast

00:46:20.320 Hey, yeah, give me a tip.

00:46:22.200 Damn, I'm working my ass off for you people.

00:46:24.280 Seriously.

00:46:24.860 15% is the least you can do.

00:46:28.280 Tithing to the goddess.

00:46:29.500 Oh, my God, I went berserk.

00:46:30.620 And you rewrote every episode.

00:46:32.060 I know, I went berserk.

00:46:33.460 And then we had to spend three weeks talking you back to where we had been.

00:46:37.620 It's always like that.

00:46:38.660 With some great stuff.

00:46:40.360 But, you know, you know what it's like.

00:46:42.100 If you don't have anything to do, you're going to start, like, going, this isn't any good.

00:46:46.480 and then it feels old to you.

00:46:50.100 Yeah.

00:46:50.700 And not one other person in the world's ever seen it.

00:46:53.220 Right.

00:46:53.760 But you're like, oh, this is tired.

00:46:55.580 I know, but I just want it to be something I've never seen.

00:46:58.020 Well, you bring back good shit.

00:47:00.060 I want it.

00:47:00.800 Well, that's what this is going to be.

00:47:02.280 I want it to be like Roseanne was, but maybe more.

00:47:06.640 But it's also got, like I said, like it's got that fable.

00:47:10.440 Yeah.

00:47:10.980 Like there's completely.

00:47:12.420 I mean, it's still a family with flaws, but they.

00:47:15.960 yeah but there's also just there's also just ridiculous unrealistic things that happen

00:47:23.600 and everyone just takes it in stride yeah it's over the top well that's because it's a fable

00:47:28.980 yes exactly also it's just fun like comedy should be fun and out there and funny it shouldn't be

00:47:34.020 too strange i got to do my best acting spiels by far you know because i was never i never felt

00:47:41.680 free to do it on my show because uh certain cast members would be were threatened by me

00:47:52.220 so i had to hold it down i told you that but uh this one i was just free and i could do whatever

00:47:59.260 i wanted but the other thing that's great that you do is you understand that everyone else is

00:48:05.600 good at what they do no i love that so much and you let them you immediately let them know

00:48:11.580 that they can be free yeah well that's the best creative person can get well we're talking about

00:48:18.800 indy yeah the genius kid of all i mean this kid's amazing one of my favorite scenes in the entire

00:48:26.360 show is you and her improv-ing for five minutes in a car because we were just driving back and

00:48:32.860 we kept the cameras rolling yeah and you two started just having fun and character and it's

00:48:39.380 in the show yeah it ended up being the scene and it it is the scene like none of that was we didn't

00:48:45.000 write any of that yeah about her going you like him my favorite is she goes you're coming he's

00:48:53.020 got that whole private plane full of roses for you and you walk down the runway in your heels

00:49:00.900 and we have to teach you how to walk in heels because remember the last time what happened 0.99

00:49:05.160 Yeah, she was improv-ing that.

00:49:06.260 She's incredible. 0.74

00:49:08.040 She goes, really, you need to learn to walk in heels.

00:49:11.360 And then you two just start laughing.

00:49:13.000 You started laughing.

00:49:13.760 She makes me laugh like nobody else.

00:49:15.900 She is so funny.

00:49:17.780 She's generational.

00:49:19.060 She's a generational fan.

00:49:20.080 She really is.

00:49:20.980 And anyway, I cannot wait for this show.

00:49:23.600 So we're editing.

00:49:24.460 No, it's fun.

00:49:24.860 Right?

00:49:25.120 We got five rough-cutted.

00:49:26.760 Six will be rough.

00:49:27.360 We got five rough-cut.

00:49:28.600 Six will be rough.

00:49:29.260 Six, yeah.

00:49:30.000 Now we're doing the finale.

00:49:32.580 Yeah, we're doing six, which is you.

00:49:34.720 and you

00:49:35.780 and more you.

00:49:38.180 All me.

00:49:38.880 And some Tony Hinchcliffe.

00:49:40.220 Oh my God,

00:49:40.920 how great was Tony Hinchcliffe?

00:49:42.480 The best.

00:49:43.900 Wasn't he great?

00:49:45.340 He's so funny

00:49:46.100 because, you know,

00:49:46.720 he's a comic.

00:49:47.600 He's out of comic world.

00:49:49.040 So like we had him

00:49:50.100 on the set at...

00:49:50.820 Don't say what he's doing.

00:49:52.180 I'm not,

00:49:52.680 but we had him on the set

00:49:53.620 at 10 a.m.

00:49:54.320 and he's like,

00:49:55.260 I don't know if I can be funny

00:49:56.580 in the morning.

00:49:58.340 He was brilliant.

00:49:59.340 Because, you know,

00:49:59.900 he's like,

00:50:00.260 I'm used to like

00:50:00.940 10 at night I started.

00:50:02.480 He was great.

00:50:02.560 You can say who he played, right?

00:50:04.100 No.

00:50:04.420 No, no, that's a surprise.

00:50:06.240 Nobody knows how it ends.

00:50:08.400 But everything from all the previous five is tied up in six, right?

00:50:15.580 That's why it's a fable.

00:50:17.240 And it's a good moral show.

00:50:19.320 Oh, it really is.

00:50:20.160 Spiritual, God, moral.

00:50:21.440 It's all about family and God.

00:50:23.820 No, it's...

00:50:24.460 I always told you the funny thing is...

00:50:25.680 It's doing the right thing sometimes.

00:50:30.600 How did we say it?

00:50:31.920 doing the wrong thing ends up

00:50:33.960 to be the right thing.

00:50:35.720 Doing the wrong thing for the right reasons, I think.

00:50:37.920 But I saw... Something like that.

00:50:40.180 But also...

00:50:41.920 Damn it.

00:50:45.320 No, I forgot what I was saying.

00:50:46.640 I had a brilliant... I mean, seriously.

00:50:49.060 It was going to wrap up

00:50:50.220 everything in a perfect bow.

00:50:52.140 I was going to

00:50:54.120 compliment you on the fact that

00:50:56.560 you know, of course

00:50:57.880 you know, being a male writer

00:50:59.840 and everything.

00:51:01.920 You are head and shoulders above the other group of male writers I worked with.

00:51:07.880 Oh, that's nice.

00:51:08.940 Yeah.

00:51:09.520 There's some great legendary writers in that group.

00:51:11.460 Although I know one of them that I'm not above.

00:51:17.380 Norm.

00:51:18.300 Yeah.

00:51:19.000 Oh, no.

00:51:19.860 Norm the Great.

00:51:20.900 Norm is like over here and we're all over here somewhere else.

00:51:26.340 God, Norm.

00:51:26.900 But by the way, that's what I would always laugh at

00:51:29.020 when Norm would do his bits about how women aren't funny

00:51:32.200 and about how women can't do anything.

00:51:34.460 And I was always laughing extra hard

00:51:36.080 because I know that he thought you were the funniest person in the world.

00:51:39.040 I loved Norm's anti-woman stuff.

00:51:40.720 He would say that, though, after his anti-woman.

00:51:42.740 Oh, yeah, he'd go, no women are funny.

00:51:44.380 And then he'd go, except Roseanne.

00:51:45.780 Yeah, he would say that.

00:51:46.640 I loved Norm.

00:51:47.720 He was so damn funny.

00:51:50.460 But I'm going to say this because you compliment me way too much.

00:51:53.540 Oh, you don't have to compliment me.

00:51:54.960 No, but I'm going to say it to people because they don't know this,

00:51:58.600 and I can't believe what we as fans of comedy were robbed of for decades

00:52:08.160 until I actually sat down and worked with you.

00:52:11.180 And what people do not understand is Roseanne is one of the best writers

00:52:17.960 I've ever worked with.

00:52:19.660 I agree.

00:52:20.060 Thank you very much.

00:52:20.860 You're welcome, but I mean, you're, it's always like, you'll go all the way out, and then

00:52:32.080 you just bring it all back in, and you figure out what was in all those 17 things you rambled

00:52:38.740 out, and you get it down to this, and it's ridiculous, but also, yeah, then, you know,

00:52:47.040 me almost like oh i just wrote a great one and then she i go we should start on this and roseanne

00:52:53.960 will just go or i'm on the bouncy horse i'm like god damn it i go mine was good but that was better

00:53:02.020 and by the way you on the bouncy horse is the funniest i do love that and you're a brilliant

00:53:06.540 editor which is as long as you don't stop in the problem ever called you and told you that like

00:53:10.060 when the process happens just let her go because she'll she'll put us all out and then she pulls

00:53:14.480 it in and she's a brilliant editor yeah i mean the fact i think i'm a good editor yeah but he

00:53:19.140 means writing watched huh he means writing i mean writing wise he's talking about writing i'm talking

00:53:23.300 about the editing process of writing and you're also a great editor as an editor but i mean like

00:53:27.560 yeah writing i you'll vomit and then you pare it down i was that's why i liked comics as writers

00:53:34.660 learn to do a formula you know yeah because writers can't learn to be funny no they can

00:53:43.140 yeah i mean you know i know a lot of really good writers and a lot of really funny guys

00:53:48.060 um and they write really funny stuff but really funny writers are really funny people yeah yeah

00:53:55.140 that's right yeah like there are people that you will sit there and laugh your ass off with

00:53:59.780 they can't quit no like if you sit down like oh my god that's why we have no friends neil and and

00:54:07.660 eye on the damn bus ride back to the hotel from oh no but we took a shuttle to the airport together

00:54:13.540 and we were sitting next to each other i love kneeling oh my god he is so funny was he funny

00:54:18.540 oh yeah it was just him and i the whole way and we had someone's 18 year old son who was flying

00:54:22.800 back to college sitting between us oh no and we're just he's like can i ask you guys a question

00:54:27.940 we're like go ahead why'd he ask you he asked us what was the craziest thing we've ever seen in

00:54:33.760 needle it mine was while filming a comedy and mine was that like when we were shooting in africa

00:54:38.700 we shot like a visual effects shot of a cheetah chasing like and what they did was they literally

00:54:46.340 just they tied like a giant hunk of meat on a rope to the back of a four-wheel atv oh no and

00:54:55.780 drove it

00:54:57.700 and they let the cheetah out of the cage 1.00

00:55:00.580 oh my lord

00:55:01.540 and like the safety meeting was

00:55:03.840 maybe stand behind that tree

00:55:05.720 literally

00:55:08.840 Rimmer would have had a heart attack

00:55:10.360 and we were just like

00:55:11.340 and one take the cheetah they couldn't get it back 0.98

00:55:14.400 in the cage oh my god

00:55:15.660 and we're just like where did we go 0.81

00:55:17.560 oh my god no Africa's crazy 1.00

00:55:19.920 I highly recommend 1.00

00:55:21.880 but uh

00:55:23.420 and then I can't remember what Nealon said

00:55:25.560 but it was something really crazy.

00:55:28.140 But the kid was just baffled.

00:55:31.340 Nealon, by the way, if you're ever,

00:55:33.100 we got to put him in something because.

00:55:34.800 Yeah, we need to put him.

00:55:36.220 Nealon on the set.

00:55:36.940 Maybe he could be the mayor after.

00:55:39.460 The new mayor after Zaney gets fired.

00:55:41.500 Well, and after the mayor dies, the new mayor.

00:55:45.680 Yeah.

00:55:46.660 Oh my God, could we tell the Patty story?

00:55:49.900 Yeah.

00:55:50.960 Ah, yeah.

00:55:51.760 Oh no, is that not good?

00:55:53.460 No, I don't know if we should.

00:55:55.560 But Patti Ross, bro, is great.

00:55:58.420 Patti Ross is a genius.

00:56:00.300 She's amazing. 0.88

00:56:01.240 She was so funny in the show.

00:56:02.720 I don't know.

00:56:03.260 Just to let everyone know, when we sat down to write, Roseanne and Alan Stevens said,

00:56:09.140 oh, and we want this to be our friend.

00:56:11.780 She's so funny.

00:56:12.900 Her name is Patti Ross.

00:56:14.720 And I go, Patti Ross from Boston? 0.96

00:56:18.740 Yeah.

00:56:19.160 And you guys were like, yeah.

00:56:20.320 And I was like, anytime we do a movie in Boston,

00:56:24.300 we put Patty Ross in it because she's so goddamn funny.

00:56:27.800 She's so fucking funny.

00:56:28.460 So instantly we all knew, oh, well,

00:56:30.380 we all think the same people are funny.

00:56:32.280 Yeah.

00:56:32.640 But yeah, no, she was, and she came.

00:56:34.100 Was she great?

00:56:35.320 Oh, my God. 1.00

00:56:35.920 She played the crazy, cranky principal. 0.97

00:56:41.180 Not in my office. 1.00

00:56:44.060 Take that hat off. 0.79

00:56:45.840 Take that hat off.

00:56:46.400 Just shaking with the vape pen. 0.92

00:56:48.760 Take that hat off.

00:56:50.320 get that hoodie off your head

00:56:55.560 and lose the hat, too.

00:56:59.520 When I watch the show,

00:57:00.600 because that's the end of episode one,

00:57:02.100 that's, to me,

00:57:02.840 that's when this becomes a fable

00:57:05.140 is Patty Ross's principal.

00:57:06.420 When I watch, I'm like,

00:57:07.200 we're going off the rails.

00:57:08.820 This is a different thing.

00:57:09.320 Well, yeah, because there's also some stuff

00:57:10.920 that we're not going to talk about.

00:57:12.100 Yeah.

00:57:12.700 Well, you're in that scene.

00:57:13.860 Yeah, I'm in that scene.

00:57:14.760 That we can talk about.

00:57:15.700 Yeah.

00:57:15.860 But no, but there's stuff that's revealed

00:57:17.840 where all the,

00:57:18.460 It reveals a lot about Rose's character for what's moving forward.

00:57:22.620 But also, she's just larger than life.

00:57:25.480 There's some, like, shadiness.

00:57:26.660 There's a little.

00:57:27.280 Well, it's based on my own grandma.

00:57:29.780 Yeah, cut and corn.

00:57:30.260 My own grandma, Mary Davis, she ran her own apartment house there in Salt Lake City, Utah, in the ghetto. 0.99

00:57:45.580 She lived there. 1.00

00:57:46.460 and boy she used to do some some shit you know i'll tell you what she never gave nobody back 0.98

00:57:55.160 their damage deposit she would steal money has any landlord ever returned i would be ashamed 0.99

00:58:03.240 because i'm like they're gonna hate the jews well you were right but anyway uh yeah and she 0.75

00:58:11.200 I've seen her slap a six-foot-two policeman across the face. 1.00

00:58:15.620 She was about four-foot-two and weighed 350. 1.00

00:58:20.540 And she made all her aprons out of old sear sheets. 1.00

00:58:24.960 That's so awesome.

00:58:26.600 I don't think I...

00:58:27.560 Did I meet her?

00:58:29.160 I think she died before I was born.

00:58:30.500 I met Fanny.

00:58:31.100 Jess and Jenny met her.

00:58:32.380 Yeah.

00:58:33.320 Allegedly.

00:58:33.840 But it sucks because we can't give too much around the show away.

00:58:36.580 Yeah, look.

00:58:37.940 But it's fucking unbelievable.

00:58:39.680 It's the funniest thing ever.

00:58:39.980 Look, it's a fable.

00:58:40.620 It has a beginning, a middle, an end.

00:58:42.480 It has a moral.

00:58:44.040 It does.

00:58:44.640 It's about, you know, our assumptions of, a lot of our assumptions for believers.

00:58:53.700 Yes.

00:58:54.200 Yeah, because we, sometimes we think something's a good idea or it comes from God and it don't.

00:59:03.240 It just comes from our nasty old selves.

00:59:07.540 But...

00:59:07.900 Must be annoying.

00:59:08.560 But that's what I tell people.

00:59:10.020 One of my favorite parts of the show is that you talk to God every day.

00:59:14.600 Oh, I do.

00:59:15.340 In the show, I do.

00:59:16.340 And you're always like, please help me.

00:59:18.740 And you're begging for signs.

00:59:20.900 And then God's just literally giving you like a neon arrow going here.

00:59:26.420 And you're just like, oh.

00:59:28.660 Yeah, I miss all the signs.

00:59:30.960 Just like how the real world is.

00:59:33.180 Yeah.

00:59:33.700 How life is.

00:59:34.240 Yeah, we miss a lot of things God's sending to us.

00:59:37.160 It's the first pro-God show I've seen in a long time.

00:59:40.680 It's a non-denominational God.

00:59:42.620 I mean, look, the main people are Jews,

00:59:44.640 and we got a great Texas bot mitzvah happening in there.

00:59:49.480 First ever Texas bot.

00:59:50.740 But also it's like your multi-denominational prayer circle.

00:59:54.260 Yep.

00:59:55.120 Well, yeah, it's just the people that likes the one above,

01:00:00.240 not the one below.

01:00:02.460 And the crazy thing is,

01:00:04.380 if you go out in the country and talk to normal people there's a lot of them yeah yeah it's good

01:00:13.420 it's good and it's like because the will the will of the people united moves the upper world you

01:00:24.580 know where god is so that's kind of like a way to bring a miracle is like let's get united around

01:00:31.260 some things we do agree on that are good not not some things we don't agree on that we can never

01:00:38.100 answer let's get some real stuff going that's good we can all agree we all want our kids to be safe

01:00:45.000 okay we'll get 10 of them or even five don't be i'm rewriting the 10 commandments i i'm sorry i

01:00:51.960 didn't do that in the show we'll get it by the way we could do another show yeah i wanted god

01:00:57.980 to rewrite the commandments anyway but it was you could do it on your next stand-up special

01:01:03.600 i'll do it on stand-up number one don't number one's always the same i'm the lord you're going

01:01:09.260 to get egypt slavery but that's always the same number two don't be an asshole yeah it's that 0.56

01:01:17.360 simple right that was our hr meeting remember we talked about yeah since we had no corporate

01:01:22.840 structure we were in the production meeting one day and i was like someone said i did i don't know

01:01:27.700 If someone said something about HR, I guess we should have one of those HR meetings.

01:01:31.900 And I just said, we're all adults.

01:01:33.900 Act like it.

01:01:34.680 Yeah.

01:01:35.060 Don't be an asshole.

01:01:35.860 And there was not one problem on the set.

01:01:37.720 Never.

01:01:38.600 Well, except for when I made a gaffe. 1.00

01:01:41.120 Well, Mom was the gaffe. 0.61

01:01:42.200 Oh, please.

01:01:43.420 I made a terrible gaffe on day one.

01:01:45.500 Oh, that.

01:01:46.400 I thought you were talking about when you almost killed six crew members.

01:01:48.980 Oh, well, that was a joke.

01:01:50.520 That wasn't a gaffe.

01:01:51.060 You guys didn't understand.

01:01:52.880 I talked about this on the podcast.

01:01:54.040 Oh, my God.

01:01:54.240 They all came at me for that.

01:01:55.640 It's one of my favorite moments.

01:01:56.960 rimmer's such a puss man i mean but tell your joke well no but i i was going slow

01:02:03.880 as i went towards the crew members like only about four miles an hour so i thought it would

01:02:12.440 signify in their brain that is a signal to jump out of the way it's their fault but no because 0.92

01:02:20.940 they're retarded they continued to continue to stand there yeah they thought she was going to 0.97

01:02:27.760 break well they thought oh there's a crowd of people yeah she'll hit the brakes the person in 0.98

01:02:33.140 the golf cart will hit the brake no they're retarded for thinking that clearly right i just 0.90

01:02:37.540 want to say not but i mean they they saw me going really slow and not stopping yet it didn't occur 0.97

01:02:46.940 to their brains to go,

01:02:48.500 I should get out of the way. 1.00

01:02:49.820 She's still rolling. 0.96

01:02:51.200 Well, I don't think

01:02:51.780 some of them saw you

01:02:52.940 because they had their backs.

01:02:54.200 I mean, it was a crowd

01:02:55.320 of like 30 people.

01:02:55.520 There were people turned around?

01:02:56.620 You didn't tell me this.

01:02:57.600 I never saw nobody.

01:02:58.720 It was a crowd of 30 people.

01:02:59.620 I didn't see nobody

01:03:00.640 turned around.

01:03:01.300 You ever see when those cars...

01:03:01.820 They was all looking at me.

01:03:03.160 Do you ever see when those cars...

01:03:03.940 They wasn't jumping out of the way.

01:03:04.880 He said someone

01:03:05.640 turned their backs to you.

01:03:06.480 Do you ever see those cars

01:03:07.520 that go through the protesters?

01:03:09.480 Yeah.

01:03:09.940 It was like...

01:03:10.640 Those are my favorite videos,

01:03:13.520 by the way.

01:03:13.880 But then I did stop

01:03:15.640 right before...

01:03:16.580 she stopped and apologized right before i hit somebody i stopped right like right on a dime

01:03:22.480 because i was only doing three four miles an hour i know so i never meant to i just wanted

01:03:28.620 them to think it was fun but there was not one real incident on the set no there wasn't no that's

01:03:35.400 what i was going to say meltdown i want to tell this story real quick this is why i love covert

01:03:39.000 don't tell this no no no i'm just going to say when i called covert and i was like hey can you

01:03:43.800 be our showrunner and he's you know we hadn't hired you yet this is our first conversation he

01:03:49.200 said to me he's like have you ever heard anything bad about an adam sandler set have you ever heard

01:03:53.860 any drama and i said no and he's like that's what i'm gonna do i'm gonna help i'm gonna come on the

01:03:58.120 set i'm gonna make it fun your mom's gonna have fun and then we had a great talk where we're like

01:04:02.520 my mom's never had fun working in hollywood because you see her pricks don't forget your

01:04:07.060 mic by the way i learned from the master and you said yes and you did it great is because he sets

01:04:13.440 the tone yeah and no one no one is ever gonna come on an adam set probably of a happy madison

01:04:22.680 movie yeah and be a bigger star than adam correct so no one's ever gonna act like a diva prick that's

01:04:31.560 gonna and it's always been like that it's like well you learned and adam set the tone always of

01:04:38.260 like and by the way you know how we work we work like crazy yeah but well you brought it to me

01:04:45.380 man i want to thank you man to man i want to thank you it was pretty seamless and fun there

01:04:50.640 was the last thing i ever want to do is go to work and have it not in my stomach no we had uh we had

01:04:56.080 a good time that's what i was saying i was so shocked when i started realizing how held back

01:05:02.400 you were and how much

01:05:04.480 more

01:05:05.340 you could have done.

01:05:08.600 I know it. But we're doing it

01:05:10.520 and you're still doing it. I just love

01:05:12.340 that I can be physically funny too.

01:05:14.480 Oh my God. I'm physically funny.

01:05:16.820 No, I told, I was saying to you earlier

01:05:18.760 and I'm glad you brought it, is

01:05:20.520 I worship

01:05:22.500 the Three Stooges, of course. Oh no, we watch

01:05:24.780 Stooges movies all the time.

01:05:27.020 I love the Stooges.

01:05:28.600 I loved them. Growing up, they would be on

01:05:30.540 wednesdays and fridays and like i would literally run from the bus stop and i was laughing so hard 0.62

01:05:37.520 when because you do some great physical stuff i did some good curly shit yeah yeah but there's

01:05:42.840 one where you're like squishing drea into the fridge and you're just looking at her like 0.69

01:05:48.400 and i in my head i'm just going like

01:05:51.120 it was and the love scene with randy where you're oh my god just doing crazy uh doug jones my god

01:05:59.680 And then the other one, though, was when you're talking to Benji the Bull.

01:06:04.560 Yeah.

01:06:05.140 And you do this funny dance.

01:06:08.020 But no, physically, you do great physical comedy.

01:06:10.480 I love that I could do that.

01:06:12.640 I really got...

01:06:13.260 Oh, you do.

01:06:13.880 Oh, my God.

01:06:14.700 You do a great fall, too.

01:06:16.900 Uh-huh. 0.85

01:06:17.600 Puke fall.

01:06:19.120 Can I say that?

01:06:19.840 That's how...

01:06:20.500 He cut that out.

01:06:22.200 No, he didn't.

01:06:22.400 I got to put that back in.

01:06:23.300 That's not cut out.

01:06:24.280 Yeah, it is.

01:06:24.860 No?

01:06:25.360 Will you throw up and fall?

01:06:27.220 Yeah, it's in the thing.

01:06:28.040 Oh, that one, yeah.

01:06:28.740 What did you think he cut out?

01:06:30.220 He cut me barfing in the golf cart.

01:06:33.960 Oh, no.

01:06:34.320 He just didn't put it in.

01:06:35.460 We have to put that back in.

01:06:36.860 Because, by the way, you did.

01:06:38.100 That was good because I barfed over to the right.

01:06:40.180 Yeah, you went out the passenger window, which is so funny.

01:06:41.840 Yeah, but by the way.

01:06:42.960 I don't know why that's so genius.

01:06:44.660 By the way, I think that take is like 20 minutes long.

01:06:47.340 It's the best take ever.

01:06:48.400 So it's like at some point he had to.

01:06:50.380 There are multiple parts watching the dailies where you go,

01:06:52.420 this is the greatest thing she's ever done.

01:06:53.780 That's one of them.

01:06:54.600 When I watch that, I'm like, this is.

01:06:55.980 I've never seen my mom this funny.

01:06:57.340 I've never seen my mom this funny.

01:06:57.360 On the passenger side? 1.00

01:06:58.820 Drunk driving in a golf cart down the highway. 0.99

01:07:00.980 She scooted over to puke out the passenger side.

01:07:03.060 I don't even know what came in your mind.

01:07:03.980 That's what I said caused the crash.

01:07:06.720 Yeah, but what part of your thinking was,

01:07:08.660 I'm going to puke out the passenger window?

01:07:09.960 Because I know I needed to crash.

01:07:12.420 Oh, okay.

01:07:13.760 Well, I loved it.

01:07:15.160 No, it's great.

01:07:15.740 Next ad.

01:07:16.900 Oh, okay.

01:07:17.920 Are you trying to wrap up?

01:07:19.260 No, I'd need you to go get me a cigarette out of my room, though.

01:07:22.180 I will.

01:07:22.540 Let's do the ad, and then I'll get you a cigarette.

01:07:24.320 But I got to start this.

01:07:25.100 By the way, Jake has not stopped smoking that.

01:07:28.360 They told me not to say it because I talked to him, so I can't say it.

01:07:31.540 But I will say I've ended up enjoying this so much that now I enjoy this too much.

01:07:38.220 Uh-oh, now you need a cigarette.

01:07:39.980 No, I'm not going to smoke.

01:07:41.320 Okay, good.

01:07:42.160 But I really enjoy this.

01:07:43.360 I wish you guys would try it.

01:07:45.100 That box there has like 30 different flavors.

01:07:47.260 Okay, I will try it.

01:07:48.340 But is it going to make you, like, you're going to get cracked up?

01:07:50.620 It's going to make me what?

01:07:51.340 I don't smoke.

01:07:52.060 I know but it's

01:07:53.740 it's not about

01:07:54.200 I'm not worried about

01:07:54.660 you starting smoking

01:07:55.240 I'm worried about

01:07:55.700 like a fixation

01:07:57.460 oh you mean like this

01:07:58.540 yeah see

01:07:59.420 this is healthier

01:08:02.080 for you covert

01:08:02.760 I want you to be around

01:08:03.520 a long time

01:08:03.980 because you got to do

01:08:04.420 the next few seasons

01:08:05.120 he's enjoyed about

01:08:06.060 as much as he can take

01:08:07.600 of this world right

01:08:08.820 yeah

01:08:09.420 I don't know

01:08:10.320 he has no interest

01:08:11.940 in prolonging

01:08:12.860 his fucking life 0.98

01:08:12.960 wait what were you doing 0.99

01:08:13.480 are you just walking away 1.00

01:08:14.580 she wants cigarettes 1.00

01:08:15.320 she's ordering me 1.00

01:08:16.540 to get a cigarette

01:08:16.980 hold on

01:08:17.300 I got to start this one

01:08:18.200 and then you get into it

01:08:19.000 do you have a life insurance

01:08:20.300 do you have kids

01:08:20.980 i'm actually in the process right now of getting a renewal or a new policy so this ad may help me

01:08:29.580 well this is a company this is like yeah we'll talk about it but life insurance is super important

01:08:34.500 and dad to dad i talked a lot of dads about it this is like the one thing you have to do and

01:08:38.800 you must do because if something happens to you especially we're all fucking fat and addicted to

01:08:44.060 shit we got to protect our children so ethos is a company that reached out to us we've we love

01:08:49.540 life insurance

01:08:50.580 I believe they're a broker

01:08:52.660 so they don't actually

01:08:53.840 don't do ethos

01:08:54.520 life insurance

01:08:55.120 they connect you

01:08:56.500 with the best

01:08:57.060 I'll let you read

01:08:57.680 but I gotta say

01:08:58.720 anyone listening

01:08:59.380 doesn't have to be a dad

01:09:00.680 yeah

01:09:01.380 but if you're an adult

01:09:02.880 and you have children

01:09:04.680 life insurance

01:09:06.400 that's a dad

01:09:07.120 or a mom

01:09:07.880 dad or a mom

01:09:08.580 or it could be left

01:09:09.300 maybe you don't have kids

01:09:10.560 or it could be a grandparent

01:09:11.200 or it could be like

01:09:12.220 an ex-husband

01:09:13.320 ex-girlfriend

01:09:14.120 someone you want to

01:09:14.640 take care of

01:09:15.100 you want to take care of

01:09:15.740 life insurance

01:09:16.740 maybe you want to make sure

01:09:17.420 your dog

01:09:18.180 has a good life

01:09:19.280 after you're 100 you gotta plan that you can't plan after you're dead no you gotta plan that's

01:09:24.120 true so read about ethos i'll get you a cigarette okay for the life insurance ad well i mean i've

01:09:31.320 said before as my rabbi told me life insurance come on we're gonna die it's not for us though

01:09:39.540 no i know that's true

01:09:41.320 i'll be honest life insurance was one of those things i kept putting off for way too long

01:09:49.960 it always felt like something i'd get around to later you know but then i had one of those

01:09:56.060 moments that kind of stops you in your tracks a close friend of mine lost a parent unexpectedly

01:10:02.100 and watching them deal with not just the emotional side but also the financial stress

01:10:08.640 really hit me. That's when it clicked. This isn't just paperwork. It's protection for the people

01:10:14.540 you love. That's why I want to tell you about Ethos. They make getting life insurance fast and

01:10:20.520 easy, like actually easy. It's 100% online, so there's no scheduling appointments or sitting

01:10:27.180 in some office filling out forms forever. You can get a quote in seconds, apply in just a few

01:10:33.260 minutes and even get same-day coverage, and there's no medical exam. You just answer a few

01:10:39.640 simple health questions. They offer coverage up to $3 million, and some policies are as low as $30

01:10:46.840 a month, which honestly surprised me. It made me realize this is way more accessible than I thought.

01:10:54.300 Look, if you've been putting this off just like I was, just take a few minutes and check it out.

01:11:00.660 It's one of those things that you will feel better about having done.

01:11:05.040 Take 10 minutes to get covered today with life insurance through Ethos.

01:11:09.980 Get your free quote at ethos.com slash Roseanne.

01:11:15.060 That's E-T-H-O-S dot com slash Roseanne.

01:11:20.280 Application times may vary.

01:11:22.100 Rates may vary.

01:11:24.940 Hey, can we talk about the convention?

01:11:26.740 I'll let you guys talk about what you want, but I want to talk about it a little bit.

01:11:28.980 It was so fun, wasn't it?

01:11:30.660 It was really fun.

01:11:32.000 Meeting with your fans, that's really fun.

01:11:34.880 How cool is that?

01:11:35.320 But I don't want to talk about that.

01:11:36.880 What else were we going to talk about?

01:11:39.260 We could talk about the convention.

01:11:41.160 Comedy, women, funny.

01:11:42.980 Oh, yeah.

01:11:44.280 Because I'm, let me.

01:11:45.880 No, I was going to compliment you that,

01:11:49.740 although I still don't believe that males on the large 0.98

01:11:53.940 can hear anything that women say

01:11:58.460 and hold it in their mind for long

01:12:01.140 or recall or remember it,

01:12:04.700 I thought you did a really good job at that.

01:12:11.480 Well, thank you. 1.00

01:12:12.680 But I think women are funny. 1.00

01:12:14.760 Right? 1.00

01:12:15.400 Some of my big...

01:12:16.220 Look, Lucy.

01:12:19.120 Yeah.

01:12:19.300 I mean, I was a kid down in Florida.

01:12:22.340 I would come home from school

01:12:23.160 and go to my grandmother's house. 0.87

01:12:24.660 She had two channels.

01:12:27.120 Lucy was on.

01:12:28.460 That was it.

01:12:30.280 Carol Burnett.

01:12:31.060 Oh, my God.

01:12:32.240 Don't even get me started on Carol Burnett.

01:12:35.520 Oh, my God.

01:12:36.620 How great is Carol Burnett?

01:12:37.640 I grew up on her. 1.00

01:12:38.960 Vicki Lawrence was fucking awesome.

01:12:40.120 No, the Carol Burnett show, I loved Lucy.

01:12:43.500 I loved Lucy.

01:12:45.900 Everyone loved Lucy.

01:12:47.260 It was an amazing show.

01:12:48.900 And now looking back on it, knowing it was the most groundbreaking show in television history, basically.

01:12:56.600 It invented – they still do it the exact same way.

01:13:01.520 Five cameras.

01:13:02.900 Yeah.

01:13:03.420 Yeah, Desi Arnaz.

01:13:04.440 He invented that.

01:13:05.700 He invented the writer's room.

01:13:07.320 No, no, I think that was Sid Caesar.

01:13:10.060 Yeah, it was Sid Caesar.

01:13:11.400 Yeah, but they had five writers.

01:13:14.100 Yeah.

01:13:14.460 They had four plots.

01:13:15.160 Woody Allen was one of them.

01:13:17.020 I didn't know that.

01:13:18.260 Yeah, no, Woody Allen was the typist in the Sid Caesar writing room.

01:13:21.980 It was like the famous Dana Carvey show, Writing Room.

01:13:28.080 It was like that.

01:13:29.860 The Sid Caesar Writing Room was Mel Brooks, Carl Reiner.

01:13:34.480 Woody Allen was like the typist.

01:13:36.880 I didn't know.

01:13:37.400 Can you believe that?

01:13:38.040 No, it was all guys like that.

01:13:38.920 What show was this?

01:13:40.020 Your show of shows.

01:13:41.420 I've never seen it.

01:13:42.340 I've never heard of it.

01:13:42.640 Sid Caesar's Comedy Hour.

01:13:43.700 It was brilliant sketchy.

01:13:45.140 And then they made a great movie based a little bit on it called My Favorite Year.

01:13:49.880 Oh, I love My Favorite Year.

01:13:51.140 My girlfriend was in that movie, Karen Haber.

01:13:54.400 Karen Haber was, yeah, and Laney, another friend.

01:13:58.480 Was she the lady where she, who wore the wedding dress?

01:14:02.240 Was that Laney?

01:14:04.380 I tell you, I can't remember movies.

01:14:06.420 No, no, no.

01:14:07.020 People remember what happened in movies.

01:14:09.080 I don't even remember my own life.

01:14:11.060 He brings Peter O'Toole to Brooklyn to meet all his Jewish relatives,

01:14:15.200 and one of his aunts shows up in a wedding dress,

01:14:18.320 and he's like, why are you wearing that?

01:14:20.220 And she goes, it's the best thing I own.

01:14:23.500 I don't remember that.

01:14:24.640 I've never seen it.

01:14:25.500 I thought we were talking about it.

01:14:26.020 Oh, it's a great movie.

01:14:26.460 It's a great movie.

01:14:27.560 Isn't it about, yeah, Peter Tull.

01:14:28.480 Peter Tull, Marklin Baker, Joseph Bologna.

01:14:31.720 He even remembers who's in the fucking movies.

01:14:33.660 Covert's a legend, man.

01:14:34.600 I'm the big, I don't know how I remember anything.

01:14:39.220 Because I'm a notorious weed smoker from like way back in the day.

01:14:44.460 But I just remember dumb stuff.

01:14:47.240 I remember dumb stuff.

01:14:48.600 i can't remember any movie i've ever seen more than two minutes of it well it's because you

01:14:54.020 fall asleep yeah i can't stay up for movies lucy carol burnett my favorite person in the early

01:15:00.940 early saturday night live was gilda everyone loved gilda i did my i think it was sophomore

01:15:11.340 year i don't know what year and lorraine newman too oh my god but gilda yeah no gilda gilda

01:15:18.420 on update

01:15:19.760 I did Roseanne

01:15:21.880 Roseanne Adana

01:15:22.740 for like a year

01:15:24.220 my friend Karen

01:15:25.760 and I would just

01:15:26.420 walk around going

01:15:27.220 you ever do that thing

01:15:29.620 well she was

01:15:30.980 making fun of a

01:15:32.320 real newscaster

01:15:33.680 named Roseanne something

01:15:34.920 really

01:15:35.500 yeah on New York TV

01:15:37.380 but I mean Gilda

01:15:38.260 was just

01:15:38.880 what about

01:15:39.520 when we just lost her

01:15:41.240 to Catherine

01:15:42.680 Kathleen

01:15:43.360 oh god

01:15:44.020 O'Hara

01:15:44.900 yeah

01:15:45.680 Catherine O'Hara

01:15:46.960 she was so

01:15:47.900 Oh, great.

01:15:48.780 Seconds of her and Andrea Martin.

01:15:50.640 Oh, yeah, Andrea Martin, too.

01:15:51.960 Fuck, I forgot about Andrea.

01:15:52.860 Oh, my God, Andrea Martin. 0.96

01:15:54.700 She was so funny.

01:15:55.120 She's still great.

01:15:56.260 But if you look.

01:15:56.680 As that psychic nun that sees dead people, that's so great.

01:15:59.740 Everything she did was funny.

01:16:01.680 That was SCTV, right?

01:16:03.060 Yeah.

01:16:03.460 I remember watching it.

01:16:04.200 I mean, what a, I mean, Candy and Rick Moranis and. 1.00

01:16:09.780 No, women are funny. 1.00

01:16:10.760 I tell this to people. 1.00

01:16:11.440 No, no, no. 1.00

01:16:12.120 Women are very. 1.00

01:16:13.160 I hate the one who I think should be the biggest star in the world right now. 1.00

01:16:17.860 No, Lauren Lapkus 1.00

01:16:19.640 Lauren Lapkus is a fucking 1.00

01:16:21.240 The girl from Wrong Missy 1.00

01:16:23.120 God, she's so great

01:16:24.800 I've watched that movie ten times 0.73

01:16:26.400 She is so great 1.00

01:16:27.460 Well, she's got a series

01:16:28.300 She did a series with Chuck Lorre

01:16:29.760 Oh, good

01:16:30.500 She's done sketch comedy 0.65

01:16:32.780 Yeah, no, but I mean 0.99

01:16:34.220 She's fabulous

01:16:36.000 She's just like on another level

01:16:38.460 From everyone else 0.95

01:16:39.580 Kim's great

01:16:41.820 Kim Congdon

01:16:42.760 Kim Congdon, she's on the show

01:16:44.120 She's great

01:16:44.680 She's great in the show

01:16:46.040 I like the one sister

01:16:47.680 has a deep mexican accent and her twin does yeah the twins what they're and by the way the one twin

01:16:55.820 is only i don't even know why they're a twin thing it's just the funniest it's because they're both

01:17:01.440 kim yeah but one is just in one scene yeah and she has a puerto rican accent and then the good

01:17:07.340 twin shows up and is in the whole rest of the show and she has no they're identical just that's what

01:17:12.540 I love about the show.

01:17:14.060 I don't know.

01:17:14.740 We did a lot of silly things.

01:17:16.340 No, Kim's great, but no.

01:17:18.480 Laura Lapkus, is that how you say it?

01:17:20.160 Yeah. 1.00

01:17:20.640 I mean, look, women are funny. 1.00

01:17:21.520 God, she's great. 1.00

01:17:22.540 No, she's so fucking great. 0.99

01:17:23.540 I love, oh my God, she's super great. 0.77

01:17:26.880 She reminds me of a great comic that passed.

01:17:30.840 She was young, and she was in Pee Wee Herman's show.

01:17:35.200 Oh, and she was on SNL, too.

01:17:37.860 Who was that? 0.58

01:17:38.520 Oh, she got a sitcom.

01:17:40.120 Oh, who?

01:17:41.060 Oh.

01:17:41.400 Oh.

01:17:41.720 Oh, Pee Wee's show is another one where it's like, oh, look at this weird kid's show.

01:17:46.580 Oh, Lawrence Fishburne's The Cowboy.

01:17:50.260 Oh, this guy.

01:17:51.560 Phil Hartman.

01:17:52.120 I can't remember her name.

01:17:53.500 Phil Hartman.

01:17:54.140 I grew up on that show.

01:17:55.140 That show was unbelievable.

01:17:56.140 Where she was in Pee Wee's thing where she was a tour guide. 0.59

01:18:00.540 Oh, Jan Hooks.

01:18:01.480 Jan Hooks.

01:18:01.880 Oh, brilliant.

01:18:02.960 Oh, my God.

01:18:03.500 She was so great.

01:18:04.840 Jan Hooks.

01:18:05.860 Jan Hooks.

01:18:06.600 So great. 0.95

01:18:07.320 She was brilliant on SNL.

01:18:08.480 She was probably my favorite female SNL of all time.

01:18:10.860 cast member if I'm honest 1.00

01:18:12.220 because that's kind of

01:18:12.760 when I grew up

01:18:13.360 in that era 1.00

01:18:14.600 there was a lot of great women 1.00

01:18:15.800 on SNL 1.00

01:18:16.620 oh yeah

01:18:16.960 tremendously funny women 1.00

01:18:19.800 and then some 1.00

01:18:20.520 that didn't do well

01:18:21.240 on SNL

01:18:21.740 that ended up being funny

01:18:22.620 although

01:18:22.840 it's debatable

01:18:24.480 but like Sarah Silverman

01:18:25.500 she was on

01:18:26.060 for a short amount of time 1.00

01:18:27.140 she got fired

01:18:27.880 and she ended up

01:18:28.440 having a pretty big 0.86

01:18:29.120 stand up career there

01:18:29.840 for a while

01:18:30.300 everyone gets fired

01:18:32.440 eventually

01:18:33.060 it's part of the process

01:18:34.440 yeah right

01:18:34.860 yeah

01:18:35.880 if you

01:18:37.100 if they don't think

01:18:38.940 you're funny no more

01:18:40.000 yeah

01:18:41.160 Well, in your case.

01:18:41.820 Or if you like Trump.

01:18:44.780 Yeah.

01:18:45.780 Or if you're too funny.

01:18:47.460 Yeah, if you're, yeah.

01:18:49.400 If you make fun of.

01:18:50.340 Or if you make fun of the head guy's murderous boyfriend.

01:18:54.560 Who?

01:18:55.360 Norm made fun of OJ.

01:18:56.920 Oh, my God.

01:18:57.780 And he made fun of Hillary Clinton being a murderer.

01:19:00.300 Oh, yeah.

01:19:00.900 Oh, that was too good.

01:19:02.700 Those are my lucky stab.

01:19:04.360 That's my lucky stabbing hat.

01:19:06.920 Might be one of the best update jokes ever.

01:19:09.480 O.J. said, hey, that's my lucky

01:19:11.580 stabbing hat.

01:19:12.800 Oh, my gosh. His O.J. shit.

01:19:15.120 Oh, his O.J. shit and Hillary Clinton shit. 0.62

01:19:17.520 And they're like, you're going to get fired if you tell

01:19:19.540 more O.J. jokes next week.

01:19:21.420 O.J. Simpson.

01:19:22.980 Yeah. Remember him on The View?

01:19:25.960 Never. Oh.

01:19:27.520 Hillary Clinton. I thought we didn't want to murder 1.00

01:19:29.580 her in the White House.

01:19:31.200 They murdered a guy. I thought we all knew that.

01:19:33.780 What? You don't know that?

01:19:35.700 oh my god i tell you i've been so lucky in my life that like

01:19:42.740 i got to be around the funniest people ever yeah well you are one of the funniest people ever

01:19:50.260 isn't he jake i love i i always just funny i look like the other guy in the room sometimes

01:19:55.220 but but no it's funny because i you know what's weird is they're all you guys are all stand-ups

01:20:00.400 i have done stand-up i can do stand-up but i don't in any way consider myself a stand-up

01:20:09.600 yeah because i didn't go through what you guys went through yeah you're you're i don't have that 0.69

01:20:15.660 you can you don't have the uh burned ass no i don't i mean look i went to college with sandler 0.70

01:20:22.420 he would come back he would tell me crazy sandler's 19 years old and he's driving out to 0.90

01:20:28.980 deep long island with fucking chips cooney and doing stand-up like in a diner and literally 0.91

01:20:39.100 he's coming back and going like yeah i made twenty dollars it's like no sandler got bored 0.89

01:20:45.400 on the road and i always wrote jokes for him and he was just like you gotta learn how you gotta

01:20:51.680 to get 20 minutes man I can't be out on the road by myself and I was working at

01:20:58.560 the improv and I always wrote jokes and one night I was literally I was full of

01:21:03.500 sugar I'd eaten a box of donuts and some and it was open mic night and someone

01:21:10.100 was like you should go on and this girl said yeah you should go on okay but I'm

01:21:16.300 not a stand-up comedian i'm just an actor who can fake it and i can write jokes and you can direct

01:21:24.560 this was your first time directing and you were yeah you did good but i learned how to write jokes

01:21:28.540 helping great joke writers write jokes that's great you know watching literally

01:21:36.140 i mean look at when we were all broke when i was broken poor and living in la it was like

01:21:42.200 we were sitting around the breakfast table it'd be like sandler spade schneider no one working

01:21:49.220 waiting on they were hoping for road gigs i'm trying to get auditions and just watching them

01:21:55.640 just it's pretty crazy you guys writing constantly kind of grew up together and got big together

01:22:00.940 that's got to be kind of a cool yeah that's kind of cool right no it was amazing that must be so

01:22:07.560 fine yeah i get it i i don't have to be humble look i'll admit that i'm good at what i do you

01:22:13.380 are very good but honestly my friends were well ahead of me because they all did stand up no i

01:22:19.180 know but you were part of but then once i got in there it's not like i joey bishop was in the rat

01:22:24.880 pack don't be hard on yourself but once i got in there i brought the goods i did i will say that 0.90

01:22:30.440 i will confidently say at 60 something years of age that i brought the fucking goods absolutely

01:22:36.720 You know, and I've got to tell you the thing I'm feel luckiest about.

01:22:41.900 I don't have anything that I'm not proud of in some way.

01:22:48.720 That's so cool.

01:22:50.680 I don't have anything that I'm just like, they made me do this.

01:22:56.500 I was lucky.

01:22:56.960 So you never went to Epstein Island like Adam Sandler did?

01:23:01.240 I have to go to that thing on that.

01:23:02.780 No, but I got to know that's the funniest sailor at Epstein Island.

01:23:06.600 I think what his name, I don't know, because I haven't ever said it,

01:23:11.920 he asked, but I heard something about his name somewhere in there.

01:23:15.440 But then it turned out it was like someone calling someone

01:23:18.360 to see if they could get tickets to a concert of his or something.

01:23:21.540 I think they got a lot of comics down there just to set them up.

01:23:26.260 Well, because I know for a fact that.

01:23:27.280 Because I know comics ain't going to be shit like that.

01:23:28.380 But I also know that Sandler just ain't going anywhere.

01:23:31.880 I'm sorry.

01:23:32.720 But, you know, comics are not going to fall for demonic rituals.

01:23:37.160 No, no, they're going to be like,

01:23:38.220 they're trying to figure out how they can talk about it on stage.

01:23:42.220 Right, they're like.

01:23:43.020 Yeah, trust me, Sandler's not going anywhere with anybody.

01:23:47.320 He's not that guy.

01:23:49.160 Oh, this guy has a private island.

01:23:50.820 I don't care if Sandler had no money.

01:23:53.080 He was never that guy to be like,

01:23:55.240 oh, I'm going to go to this private island.

01:23:57.340 He'd be like, what?

01:23:58.780 Why would I do that?

01:24:00.080 Yeah, comics.

01:24:01.420 I'm going to go to New Hampshire and see my mom.

01:24:05.920 But what was the other one?

01:24:10.300 Oh, I saw one just yesterday where they're like,

01:24:14.480 someone said something about,

01:24:16.060 because he said something about going to a pizza party

01:24:20.360 at Aniston's house.

01:24:22.480 Oy.

01:24:23.380 On an interview.

01:24:26.540 But she had a new pizza oven.

01:24:29.360 yeah so it was i was there yeah i think it was right after we finished uh murder mystery

01:24:36.660 and and she literally invited like there were like eight of us and it was like my huge my

01:24:42.460 pregnant ex-wife sandler his wife uh and a couple other people from the movie and she was like had

01:24:50.940 a pizza oven so sometimes a pizza party is literally just a pizza party because trust me

01:24:56.640 As you know, I'm not afraid to throw some conspiracy theories into a script.

01:25:01.980 I'm not afraid to get Pizzagate and talk about it and make fun of it.

01:25:05.720 We did all that in this show, didn't we?

01:25:07.480 Yeah, we did everything.

01:25:08.500 We did every conspiracy.

01:25:09.020 Jake, you didn't get me any more wine.

01:25:11.360 Oh, I didn't think you wanted any.

01:25:13.200 But also seeing all the inside reality,

01:25:17.520 you also see the other side where a lot of the accusations are just shit.

01:25:23.040 Yeah, I think so, too.

01:25:24.340 you know like like the one i just said but which one oh no there was something on twitter where

01:25:32.300 some guy was like apparently on some interview about something sailor talked about going to

01:25:37.040 anniston's house for a pizza party but she had just got but it was right after murder mystery

01:25:43.680 we had all just gotten back and i think we just had a test screening and she invited an actual

01:25:48.920 she had a pizza oven yeah so now she invited like 10 of us over i was like i was there trust me

01:25:55.040 and i don't get a lot of invites to anniston's house i don't get a lot of invites to a lot of

01:26:00.680 hollywood stuff mainly because i just kind of like well one i don't live there anymore yeah

01:26:05.100 i just i always wanted to just go home yeah yeah yeah but we did you know once i hit a certain age

01:26:12.340 look when we were young in hollywood i was out yeah but we were more like let's go to clubs you

01:26:18.060 know we would go to some fun house parties but it wasn't i don't think when we were coming up

01:26:24.120 there was it wasn't like it is out there no it isn't it wasn't we used to hang out with musicians

01:26:31.660 and then they got them all sequestered away do you remember comics but do you remember i moved

01:26:36.840 to los angeles in 88 do you remember how insane the comedy scene was in 88 yeah i came out 85

01:26:45.160 is when we moved there.

01:26:46.700 86 was when we moved there.

01:26:47.460 But 88, it was like

01:26:48.740 Dice,

01:26:50.980 Kennison,

01:26:52.880 Robin Williams.

01:26:54.280 I mean, just

01:26:54.680 people.

01:26:56.040 You.

01:26:57.380 I love how you don't,

01:26:58.640 none of the comics

01:26:59.440 remember me at all

01:27:00.620 that I was part of anything.

01:27:01.700 That's not true.

01:27:02.720 Everyone does.

01:27:03.820 Even Joe Rogan knows

01:27:04.960 and he doesn't know

01:27:05.840 shit about comics.

01:27:06.280 I mean, you were,

01:27:07.340 literally,

01:27:07.840 your first Tonight shows,

01:27:09.420 your first two Tonight shows

01:27:10.660 that's our...

01:27:11.100 Everybody's like,

01:27:11.420 I remember back in the day

01:27:12.700 when it was so-and-so

01:27:13.620 and they always leave me out.

01:27:15.160 I'm like...

01:27:16.120 Do you know why that is?

01:27:16.780 But part of it for me was because...

01:27:18.520 Because the sitcom was so successful.

01:27:19.100 No, but it was because before the sitcom,

01:27:21.880 I didn't know you because you were at the store.

01:27:25.420 And back then, unless you were like Leno, Seinfeld, Dice,

01:27:31.200 Kinison, you were either at the store

01:27:33.500 or you were at the improv.

01:27:34.620 That's true.

01:27:35.420 And we were at the improv because Bud had seen Sandler

01:27:40.360 in New York and said,

01:27:42.000 if you ever moved to LA, you can come to my club.

01:27:45.200 Bud died, didn't he?

01:27:49.420 I think Bud died.

01:27:50.760 What's his last name?

01:27:52.560 Friedman.

01:27:53.580 Hey, Siri, did Bud Friedman of the improv die?

01:27:58.180 Here's an answer from Wicked Chant.

01:27:59.640 2022. 0.79

01:28:00.960 Yeah.

01:28:02.160 Of heart failure, so he probably got vaxxed.

01:28:04.680 He was old.

01:28:05.520 He was old.

01:28:05.780 Because we put him in Sandy Wexler as himself.

01:28:08.720 That's right.

01:28:09.320 They were so happy because we redid the improv to look like it looked back then.

01:28:14.280 oh that's cool and the people that worked there were so happy they were like

01:28:18.480 oh it looks like a used to look but i mean it was exciting i had my own

01:28:23.400 or salad there yes you did and i used to eat it it was so good i made it up it was good chicken

01:28:30.520 and tomatoes and it had like a sauce yeah no at the improv but that was after the show yeah

01:28:37.040 i think most people remember you from the show which was evident this weekend by the way there's

01:28:41.320 people that unless they saw sandler do stand-up recently had no idea i didn't know he was stand-up

01:28:45.960 i had more autograph uh from freddie's dead than the rosanne show those whole no let me tell you

01:28:53.240 something i'm not like the king of conventions even though you would think i am by my behavior

01:28:58.760 at them yeah mayor of conventions i just love normal people yeah i love and i am so happy to

01:29:06.080 be in an arena full of normal people like literally normal people i know so great it really is and

01:29:14.760 they're just i don't know no it's babies we had so much fun we had so much fun we really did and

01:29:20.440 a lot of kids but the horror people sci-fi and horror because what they do is they get everything

01:29:29.500 so they've been waiting for you yeah all those so many all those freddy's nightmare people

01:29:36.440 yeah they've been waiting for roseanne i didn't even remember i was in that show you're right i'm

01:29:42.220 only in it 15 15 seconds and you we couldn't even find it they were we had to look up your name it

01:29:47.140 was either ethel or woman uh childless woman it was so quick but yeah these people are like

01:29:52.840 but the horror fans the horror fans i've i mean i've seen people were like it's a guy

01:29:58.920 who wears a mask in the whole movie

01:30:00.600 and he has the longest line

01:30:02.780 of anyone at the convention.

01:30:05.020 Yeah.

01:30:07.200 Particularly at that convention

01:30:08.560 because that's where Romero started.

01:30:10.040 SpongeBob SquarePants had the most people.

01:30:12.440 He killed all of us.

01:30:13.240 He killed us all.

01:30:14.600 Harry Potter people.

01:30:16.220 Ooh, doggy.

01:30:18.100 Brad Dourif, whatever his name was.

01:30:19.560 Yeah, Chucky.

01:30:20.260 Chucky and Lord of the Rings.

01:30:21.880 Oh, yeah, Chucky.

01:30:22.780 Oh, yeah, Chucky and Lord of the Rings.

01:30:24.340 Forget it.

01:30:25.120 Yeah, if you're in one of those big ones

01:30:27.580 like lord of the rings you're you're set for life you were harry potter yeah i bet oh my like

01:30:35.260 those i mean that's just a whole other career it could be it's fun but it's fun because i want to

01:30:42.020 do it again i love i like it because i get to talk to a lot of people i've cued you up like

01:30:45.820 four different times about the convention you're not picking up on the queue so i have to do it

01:30:49.380 oh please talk about my first convention no no no what the best part of the convention the 0.82

01:30:54.700 funniest fucking thing that happened this weekend meeting shatner scaring shatner oh yeah that 0.88

01:30:59.260 shatner thing yeah you gotta tell you tell it no it's people want to hear from you they don't want 0.91

01:31:03.620 to hear from me but i was there and i'll help you tell it he'll be he'll be your color commentator

01:31:08.440 yeah i will well it's the funniest thing i've ever seen in my life no joke the funniest thing

01:31:13.220 i've ever seen there was bill william shatner sitting on a chair in the green room well it

01:31:19.620 It was in the photo room.

01:31:21.460 Oh, it was.

01:31:22.240 Photo room, yeah, where we took pictures.

01:31:23.960 There were no normies there.

01:31:25.320 It was just celebrity, celebrity.

01:31:26.760 You had to be someone to be in that room.

01:31:28.120 Yeah, so it's not like somebody can just come in off the street to bother William Shatner.

01:31:34.580 So I go up to him like I always do over the past 25 years, 30 years.

01:31:41.440 I always go up to him and I go, hi, Captain Kurt.

01:31:45.300 They've been doing it for, you've been doing it to him forever.

01:31:47.140 and he usually loves it and laughs and he always laughed and such but this time he goes

01:31:54.600 it was so good that is an insult i can't believe that you would come up here and say that to me

01:32:03.280 and uh then he goes you need to back away you're right in my personal space back up please back up 0.84

01:32:11.360 so i thought he was fucking with me i thought he was no i thought i was watching a great bit too 0.91

01:32:16.880 because he does that yeah yeah play you know so i go okay let me back up she does this big 0.91

01:32:24.760 cartoon back up and he's like back up i am feeling threatened and i'm like i'm serious i'm calling

01:32:29.660 the uh security in here and i go she's like this oh i'm backing up i'm backing up

01:32:37.220 and then he goes um i'm serious and so i'm like is he serious or what and he was and then i see

01:32:49.400 oh my god are you serious so i go it's roseanne and he goes back up

01:32:56.820 back up i told you to back up so i go it's roseanne

01:33:07.520 and then as i go like this and it goes i'm serious back up i'm feeling threatened

01:33:14.380 i'm feeling threatened i'm feeling threatened right now that's what he said

01:33:19.900 and he's serious and then i go it's roseanne

01:33:26.900 and then he goes oh hello darling yeah and um it was the funniest because i i got to watch the

01:33:36.820 whole thing i thought it was a comedy bit i thought he was just being funny you know the

01:33:40.640 whole time i was like this is wow look at these two they're creating in the moment and then we

01:33:44.260 you can see that moment we're like oh my god he's actually terrified that mom he thought you were

01:33:47.980 Just some crazy lady in the hallway.

01:33:49.580 Yeah, because she's like, hey, Captain, curtain comes up to me,

01:33:51.600 and he's like, back up.

01:33:52.280 He stopped, and he puts his hand on it.

01:33:53.200 He goes, back up.

01:33:53.920 I am feeling very threatened right now.

01:33:55.500 Back up, back up.

01:33:57.060 And she's like.

01:34:00.000 But he was scared.

01:34:01.560 Nobody was in there except for, like, you know, VIPs.

01:34:04.360 There were, like, five of us.

01:34:05.500 Zach, me, yeah, and the photographer.

01:34:07.600 The mocking backup's the funniest.

01:34:09.420 It was so funny.

01:34:10.920 No, she even goes, I'm backing up.

01:34:12.740 I go like this.

01:34:13.440 He was genuinely terrified

01:34:18.860 Genuinely terrified

01:34:19.900 But anyway

01:34:20.320 He was nice after that

01:34:21.500 Yeah

01:34:22.040 It was fun

01:34:22.660 It was a cool little experience

01:34:23.840 You can be intimidating

01:34:25.660 I go

01:34:26.300 I go

01:34:26.960 And then I went up

01:34:28.020 And hugged him

01:34:28.580 And I go

01:34:29.200 I don't blame you honey

01:34:30.560 You're well over

01:34:32.020 100 years of age

01:34:33.820 Do you want to tell the joke

01:34:36.220 Or is it offensive

01:34:36.980 What you really were

01:34:38.000 Going to say to him

01:34:38.640 No I won't say that

01:34:40.740 Yeah don't say that

01:34:41.640 I thought of a whole bunch

01:34:43.140 of horrible jokes while i was in there but uh i didn't say any of them because i said a prayer

01:34:48.820 before i went in lord i said you were there i said guard my tongue and my thoughts so i don't

01:34:57.740 try to be too funny oh we never you never told the we got distracted you never said the first

01:35:07.200 day joke that you told in the meeting that no i don't think i should i think you should

01:35:12.940 oh no it's horrible

01:35:15.300 well you just it was a very Michael Scott

01:35:17.560 of the office moment

01:35:18.640 I tried to be funny

01:35:21.120 I'll say it if you want me to say it

01:35:24.380 well no because I feel

01:35:26.100 sorry for her

01:35:27.060 we don't have to say the name

01:35:29.220 no but she did forgive me 0.83

01:35:30.880 I'm like I'm just a fucking idiot

01:35:33.720 she loved you by the end

01:35:34.760 she said I get her now

01:35:36.020 we hugged two days ago we saw her

01:35:38.520 I know I love her

01:35:39.720 you know I just try to be funny sometimes

01:35:42.580 and sometimes I bomb like a goddamn A-bomb.

01:35:46.700 Sometimes you go too far.

01:35:47.880 Yeah, well, sometimes I forget.

01:35:49.040 Sometimes you swing for the fences and it doesn't work.

01:35:51.520 Yeah.

01:35:51.960 Yeah.

01:35:52.680 Sometimes I'm like, oh, I haven't been funny for a while

01:35:57.880 and I'm going back to work, so I'm going to be real funny.

01:36:02.300 Well, that's what I love about it.

01:36:03.000 Also, you're like, hey, I haven't been funny in this meeting.

01:36:06.140 Yeah.

01:36:06.340 Yeah.

01:36:06.840 I better show these people how funny I am.

01:36:09.160 Yeah.

01:36:09.640 And it was day one.

01:36:10.380 It was exactly that.

01:36:11.100 It was day one.

01:36:12.120 Can I tell you the funniest part of this story?

01:36:13.940 Because I never told you guys this, and I won't say her name. 0.99

01:36:17.000 But mom made an offensive joke that offended someone,

01:36:21.000 and I had to do some PR work in the background.

01:36:24.440 And she said to me, she's like,

01:36:26.560 this was the reason I was scared to do this show.

01:36:29.320 And I decided to do it because I was like,

01:36:31.180 maybe it's not true what they say about her.

01:36:34.800 They won. 1.00

01:36:36.300 You went right for a huge insult, and she almost walked off the show.

01:36:40.100 I know. 0.69

01:36:40.720 now she loves us

01:36:43.240 she's like oh my kids here

01:36:44.700 she loved you

01:36:45.720 there was nothing ever intended

01:36:49.660 but it was you trying to be funny

01:36:51.540 by the way it's like

01:36:53.340 just to preface this

01:36:54.680 can we tell what you said now

01:36:57.060 no

01:36:57.640 but it was like

01:37:00.060 you said something to this person

01:37:02.380 that you thought was going to be funny

01:37:04.200 and there was dead silence

01:37:05.920 I was trying to break the ice

01:37:07.360 and there was dead silence

01:37:09.820 like i almost started laughing at how dead the silence was but even i was just kind of like oh

01:37:17.080 shit wait no that was the worst thing i could have done day one oh well and then we solved it

01:37:22.620 but by the way you're welcome i've never got offended and you've called me a dirty jew about

01:37:28.240 a million times well you are that's how we do it that's like we well i mean but to say it to a

01:37:34.220 And a Jew on Jew hate crime is okay. 0.91

01:37:36.920 Yes, yeah. 0.95

01:37:38.000 But, yeah.

01:37:40.440 But you would say that in front of the crew.

01:37:42.460 You called me that in front of the crew one day.

01:37:44.760 And I laughed so hard.

01:37:47.320 She won't sue you.

01:37:48.100 And besides, she wouldn't win because she stayed on.

01:37:49.960 Why would I ever sue you?

01:37:51.580 Well, because I'm offensive. 1.00

01:37:52.320 Because you're a dirty Jew. 1.00

01:37:53.200 That's what dirty Jews do. 1.00

01:37:54.280 That's funny. 1.00

01:37:55.760 I was just laughing my head.

01:37:57.300 Because I'm offensive in the way the laws are now.

01:37:59.680 Well, that's why it's such a funny story.

01:38:01.400 I won't tell the joke.

01:38:02.100 No, don't.

01:38:02.440 I won't tell the joke.

01:38:03.140 Just let it go.

01:38:03.560 But I just want to say it was day one.

01:38:05.520 Yeah.

01:38:05.940 And that's the worst timing, the worst thing to do.

01:38:08.140 And you did it because you're Jerry Bauer.

01:38:09.300 You picked the worst time to do the worst thing, which you always do.

01:38:11.560 I thought she'd laugh, you know.

01:38:12.580 Yeah, I know.

01:38:13.060 You thought you were going to be like, oh, I'm going to make an over-the-top joke, and 0.88

01:38:17.460 she's going to get it.

01:38:18.460 And instead, she was like, oh, my God.

01:38:20.940 She was obviously Muslim, and I was trying to break the ice, and I said, well, are you 0.99

01:38:26.540 a fucking jihadi?

01:38:28.180 You didn't say fucking, though.

01:38:29.440 I didn't say fucking.

01:38:30.180 Yeah, it was weird.

01:38:30.620 No, you just went, I think you said you're not going to jihadi me, are you?

01:38:35.500 No, you said you're not one of those jihadis that's going to tell me Jews don't have a right to exist, are you?

01:38:40.060 And she was the one brown person in the room, the one Muslim-looking person. 0.99

01:38:44.240 That's why it was such a bad misstep and why I loved it. 1.00

01:38:48.920 Well.

01:38:49.760 But I felt bad for her.

01:38:51.180 I did, too.

01:38:51.520 I felt bad for her.

01:38:52.200 Because she felt uncomfortable.

01:38:53.480 And I came right back in, apologized to everyone in the room.

01:38:56.260 I said, I was trying to be funny, but I'm an asshole.

01:38:59.680 yeah she was great and forgiving she stayed and she was a fucking genius and by the end i was all

01:39:04.660 fired up over anti-sumites as my mom calls them oh you would come in ranting and raving early that 0.57

01:39:10.140 morning about uh something well mom at annie's wedding did you hear about that one oh i have to

01:39:16.800 say that too yeah why not this is why you're a legend this is why i love going to the conventions

01:39:20.900 why don't be embarrassed this is what makes you great and they don't make their your last year

01:39:24.680 Did you say something about how many mosques are being built in Texas?

01:39:28.100 We talked about it every week. 0.98

01:39:29.140 Yes, and then I thought, oh, my God, they're going to sue me for that, too.

01:39:32.240 But let me tell you this one.

01:39:33.100 No, did you say that at the wedding I meant?

01:39:35.140 No, no.

01:39:35.440 Here's what happened at the wedding.

01:39:36.580 No, I said that at the show.

01:39:36.960 They're building 85 mosques.

01:39:38.160 Yeah, I remember that.

01:39:39.600 We're wrapping up the wedding at the night.

01:39:42.000 You know, we're picking up all the glasses to leave.

01:39:43.940 And we're like, I hope we weren't crazy, you know, to the people at the venue,

01:39:47.720 just trying to be funny.

01:39:48.480 And she's like, no, you guys are okay.

01:39:49.600 Well, there was one person.

01:39:51.500 and i was like oh yeah you know there's one everywhere and we're packing up things she's 0.97

01:39:55.820 like yeah it was an older lady and my ears start picking i'm like yeah and she's like

01:40:00.080 and she said i don't listen to gentiles and i was like oh no what happened she's like she 1.00

01:40:06.980 was smoking weed in the bridal suite we asked her to leave and she got physical although mom

01:40:14.040 says that didn't happen but apparently the lady said the lady she says that mom grabbed her and

01:40:18.760 pushed her out and said i don't she was too drunk no of course i was putting on my makeup in the

01:40:24.260 bridal suite where i'm invited and she tried to make me leave because she had no idea who i was 0.59

01:40:30.540 and she was insulting and she went there was a door over by where my outside door is 1.00

01:40:36.260 and she was there and i was waiting for her to go out the door so she could only barely hear me

01:40:42.080 and i said i don't listen to gentiles well she's jewish so that's why she threw a fit yeah because 1.00

01:40:51.560 she's a fucking dirty you can say you're a jew it's like she's a dirty jew you know trying to 0.99

01:40:57.380 trying to fucking sue me and get some money off my ass do me sue me cake me what was the michael 1.00

01:41:02.940 jackson song yeah do me sue me do me cake me no but anyway mom we can't take her anywhere 1.00

01:41:09.660 And then she smokes in her room. 1.00

01:41:11.100 Look.

01:41:13.980 Moving on to the second cancellation,

01:41:16.120 because we already talked about the...

01:41:17.600 That was the third.

01:41:18.660 Because the anthem was...

01:41:20.140 No, that was the first, the anthem.

01:41:21.820 Yeah. 0.85

01:41:22.300 Then you had the Hitler cookies. 0.71

01:41:24.980 I guess that wasn't the cancellation. 0.83

01:41:25.760 Oh, that doesn't count.

01:41:27.000 No, there's two.

01:41:27.740 That's when the Jews called me anti-Semite.

01:41:30.200 Yeah, well, you know.

01:41:31.140 Well, then there was the supporting Trump cancellation.

01:41:33.620 I guess that's the same one.

01:41:34.220 Yeah, but that doesn't count.

01:41:35.280 No, I'm talking about the real...

01:41:37.340 The Planet of the Apes tweet.

01:41:38.260 I'm talking about, like...

01:41:40.040 Are we still doing this?

01:41:40.920 Yes.

01:41:41.540 Okay, here.

01:41:42.400 I'm talking about the second one.

01:41:44.820 Where's the booze?

01:41:46.220 In the kitchen.

01:41:47.720 Is that your makeup or are you sweating?

01:41:49.720 That's your makeup.

01:41:50.400 That's my glitter for my eye bag.

01:41:52.120 Do you want me to turn the AC on?

01:41:52.980 That's what I'm asking.

01:41:54.020 No, it's my eye bag glitter.

01:41:55.660 You're not hot.

01:41:58.160 I'm hot under the collar.

01:42:03.320 But the second cancellation, the tweet one,

01:42:08.260 Yeah.

01:42:09.660 Well, that was the only time I was ever canceled.

01:42:12.520 Right.

01:42:12.860 Well, I mean, the first time you were just...

01:42:15.200 Threatened.

01:42:16.480 Threatened.

01:42:16.840 Death threats.

01:42:16.940 Then you were publicly...

01:42:18.340 Okay, the first time you were...

01:42:19.800 The second time...

01:42:20.620 The first time you were just publicly humiliated by a president.

01:42:23.860 Yeah.

01:42:24.000 And then the second time you were privately humiliated by a president.

01:42:29.620 What was that one?

01:42:31.020 When your show got canceled.

01:42:33.520 Oh, uh-huh.

01:42:34.200 But that was public.

01:42:35.740 No, but I meant the behind the scenes with the president canceling you was private.

01:42:40.180 Oh, yeah.

01:42:40.700 You know what I mean.

01:42:41.560 Oh, yeah.

01:42:42.500 But, first of all, I don't know.

01:42:46.960 Maybe this is why we connect so well.

01:42:49.460 I understood immediately both times.

01:42:53.480 Understood what?

01:42:54.400 I was not offended by the national anthem because I saw what you were doing.

01:42:58.680 A lot of people didn't get the joke.

01:43:03.720 They didn't want to.

01:43:05.120 Maybe it wasn't a great joke, but instead you were doing what baseball, play ball, grab your balls, spit.

01:43:11.320 That's what's so funny about knowing what you're doing is knowing when it's taken wrong that nobody believes you.

01:43:16.480 You were being the average person who got a chance to sing.

01:43:21.480 Yeah.

01:43:22.080 I got it 100%.

01:43:23.880 Yeah, what did they think?

01:43:24.920 I was a fucking opera star.

01:43:26.560 No, I understood it.

01:43:27.720 You were like, oh my God, they gave a mom a chance to sing and she can't sing and it should be funny.

01:43:33.300 Oh, he said you can't sing.

01:43:34.400 No, you were doing a character

01:43:37.240 He insulted my singing several times

01:43:39.340 Because I wanted to sing the theme

01:43:40.860 And he's like, no, you can't do that

01:43:43.060 I would never say no to you

01:43:44.900 Well, please say no

01:43:45.760 I would say yes, and then I would go to Jake

01:43:48.420 And I would go, we can't do that

01:43:49.500 He does that, calls me all the time

01:43:50.700 I said yes, but here's what's going to happen

01:43:53.440 You've got to tell her, no, please

01:43:55.480 All the time

01:43:56.780 But the second one

01:43:59.320 When they fired you in ten minutes

01:44:01.780 And I was like

01:44:03.240 Like, I literally just, people were like, oh, well, this and that.

01:44:05.420 And I was like, they hired Roseanne after working with her for decades before.

01:44:15.800 And they're surprised that she said something that some people find controversial.

01:44:21.860 I love that because when I did it, I thought, well, they're making a big stink over this

01:44:31.000 because, you know, they know what it's really about.

01:44:36.280 And I thought, well, the American people are sure to find out about the Iran deal

01:44:44.180 within the next 18 months.

01:44:48.320 I'm sitting here waiting 10 years later.

01:44:51.000 They found out.

01:44:52.360 They did everything to censor that over these nine years.

01:44:58.000 with their fucking 0.88

01:44:59.960 in the meantime

01:45:01.300 I love the Democrats

01:45:03.880 let me tell you how much

01:45:05.860 here's one way

01:45:08.000 as they were helping

01:45:11.440 the Somali

01:45:14.320 pirates in

01:45:16.040 Minnesota steal

01:45:17.280 billions

01:45:19.360 of

01:45:20.400 taxpayer

01:45:23.520 money of the

01:45:25.840 fine leftist

01:45:27.060 lesbian citizens of Minneapolis especially

01:45:30.980 and their LGBTQ 1.00

01:45:34.040 male pedophile handlers 0.97

01:45:38.520 and their entire

01:45:43.320 raison d'etre is saying

01:45:47.120 we must stop American

01:45:50.960 aid to Israel. 0.99

01:45:53.360 that's a good point i never thought oh it's so great that's hilarious

01:46:04.880 and it's both the left and right it's all marxism like accuse your enemy of what you do

01:46:13.880 then they'll be over there trying to defend theirself because they're too stupid

01:46:17.760 to ever be on the offense right they've never because they've come from privilege

01:46:24.280 and they cannot go on the offense you're absolutely right that's the that's the rhinos

01:46:30.380 right there and marjorie uh what do you call her marjorie trader brown

01:46:36.420 because it turns to brown under stress that was the joke huh green turns to brown under stress

01:46:43.020 that's why he said that no fucking love him uh look greatest ever greatest ever do it honestly 0.72

01:46:48.780 i've never i mean he 0.76

01:46:51.120 so gets the joke yeah so he gets the joke because he doesn't just get the joke he puts 0.90

01:47:01.800 five fucking tags on the end don't he but the next day he puts another tag that recalls the 0.87

01:47:09.940 third tag but he hits the thing that's gonna stick yeah and you know like when you spot something on 0.92

01:47:19.160 some moron in the crowd yeah that you know how to zero in until they're like you know and that's

01:47:28.220 what he does you're so fucking right about that and he also green turns to brown he doesn't just 0.58

01:47:34.400 get the joke he also knows the right people get the joke with him yeah and he's he plays 0.79

01:47:38.500 i mean he's the smartest comedian i mean i know truthfully he totally ripped me off because

01:47:45.500 when i ran in 2012 i said i'm the only serious comedian in the race yeah and

01:47:52.840 you know because it is just all a comedy of bullshit and memes well but he's so naturally

01:48:03.160 funny and i gotta say i don't know the guy but as i told you i met him oh yeah that's right you

01:48:10.020 met with coachella and he mocked me yep that's what happened why did he mock you because i was

01:48:16.140 fat oh yeah you lost a bunch of weight after yeah what did he say literally i lost and i gained it

01:48:21.620 all back we gotta call trump to make fun of you again i know what happened what did he say

01:48:25.600 so it's right before the election it's like october it's right around my birthday

01:48:32.800 Yeah.

01:48:33.400 And I hear that Trump is doing a rally in Coachella.

01:48:38.500 Oh, really?

01:48:39.320 Oh, I remember hearing that.

01:48:40.680 Yeah.

01:48:40.840 So this is what?

01:48:41.820 When was the election?

01:48:42.620 2024?

01:48:43.480 Yeah.

01:48:44.060 So, yeah, this is October 14th.

01:48:47.200 That's the day.

01:48:47.920 I remember because it was the day after my 60th birthday.

01:48:50.580 So I'm telling my son, Hank, I'm like, let's go see Trump.

01:48:56.020 Let's go to a rally.

01:48:57.160 now i'm really fat at the time and i'm i don't i'm spoiled i don't want to go sit out with

01:49:04.180 everyone in the 100 so i i have a friend who knows trump really well dana white uh and i

01:49:12.260 emailed dana because i was like well he's in california maybe dana's coming in i was like

01:49:16.520 are you going to the trump thing that's all he's asking yeah are you going to be there maybe we can

01:49:21.260 meet up he's like i'm not gonna go what do you need i go nothing just you know hey if there's

01:49:27.640 any way i can not wait in a huge line and just kind of that's all i just maybe get into the rally

01:49:34.000 early or something you're gonna get a call from a washington dc number in about 15 minutes 0.63

01:49:42.140 it's trump's personal assistant that's fucking on dana's awesome dude i'm like what okay 0.85

01:49:48.240 hi 0.97

01:49:50.040 is this Mr. Covert

01:49:51.760 hi I'm so and so

01:49:53.660 I'm special assistant to former

01:49:56.280 President Trump whatever

01:49:57.460 because he was not president yet

01:49:59.140 oh Dana so you're going to come

01:50:02.260 and visit so anyway I get this

01:50:04.160 whole like

01:50:05.040 VIP all of a sudden

01:50:08.400 I'm going to get a pic Hank's going to get a

01:50:10.220 picture with Trump I'm just like

01:50:12.140 Dana please and he's like

01:50:14.160 no it's going to be great it's going to be great

01:50:15.880 it's 150

01:50:18.120 15 degrees i was about i was this fat and i'm really fat right now you know you saw me a year 0.95

01:50:23.880 ago i was this fat man you eat like a fucking pig it's me ma dude i mean i got fat on me ma i gained 0.93

01:50:29.740 everybody got fat on me you didn't because there's no meat out here except barbecue me and 0.98

01:50:34.620 covert would be by the donuts at craft service three or four times a day i mean you know look

01:50:39.460 i mean they put bad food out there but also they put good food out there but we did it was good

01:50:44.880 Those hot dogs are some of the best hot dogs.

01:50:46.560 But I could also go over there and have eaten fruit.

01:50:49.640 No.

01:50:50.240 You can't.

01:50:50.700 But no, I'm over there like going, oh, more donuts.

01:50:53.420 Anyway.

01:50:53.900 So anyway, we go out to Coachella.

01:50:56.540 I've never been out there.

01:50:57.500 So Coachella is, there's not a tree.

01:51:00.860 No, you're in the sun.

01:51:02.020 It's literally just open field.

01:51:05.120 Oh, I didn't know that.

01:51:06.420 It's 115 degrees.

01:51:09.040 Literally.

01:51:11.780 I'm standing there.

01:51:13.000 I got a good place.

01:51:14.080 and I got a good seat.

01:51:15.840 Trump's going to be literally like right there.

01:51:18.640 Goddamn, you know what I just remembered?

01:51:20.700 What?

01:51:21.880 They asked me to open the first Coachella and host it.

01:51:26.980 Back then?

01:51:27.920 Yeah, the first one.

01:51:29.280 Yeah.

01:51:30.220 Well, this wasn't at the music festival.

01:51:31.900 This was just out in the field.

01:51:33.240 This was in the city of Coachella.

01:51:34.340 But I'm sitting there waiting for Trump.

01:51:36.380 Oh, no, the first festival.

01:51:37.500 Oh, that's cool.

01:51:38.440 With Courtney Love.

01:51:39.780 Oh, that's awesome.

01:51:40.700 Yeah, and I was like,

01:51:42.220 i can't be in the sun yeah yeah i should have did that that's what i should have said because

01:51:47.880 i passed out you passed out i want to okay what happened i passed out and literally the paramedics

01:51:53.260 like it's super high secure so i'm just like dude can i please climb over this barrier

01:51:58.280 and go into that little corner of shade because i'm gonna pass out and the guy's like a pa guy

01:52:04.300 and he's like i can't let anyone climb over a barrier and i understand that i mean you know

01:52:11.820 this is post him getting shot at right and so i'm just like oh i go down hank's sitting there just

01:52:21.000 they take me over they lay me down in the shade the paramedics come

01:52:26.400 i never knew no no they got me they're like putting chest in me and they're like all right

01:52:32.660 well we're gonna put you in the we're gonna take you down to the emergency room get checked and

01:52:36.820 stuff and i just go no i go hank's gotta meet trump yeah i go just leave me here in the shade

01:52:45.920 i go just leave me here right here in the shade i'm not moving hank's gotta meet trump i'm not

01:52:50.980 going anywhere until hank meets trump and they're like yeah you know what your blood pressure is

01:52:57.540 fine your heart rate's dropped back down just don't do anything god tobin wasn't there don't

01:53:02.740 do anything so then they bring us over to this other area where we're going to go into the tent

01:53:09.020 like the photo op area yeah we're going to meet trump and take a picture so we're in this enclosed

01:53:14.480 tent waiting in this line i go down again i'm sorry and i just say to the people in line i go

01:53:25.120 i gotta go outside i go please just make sure hank gets in there to see trump i go outside and

01:53:31.400 there's like literally no i'm not kidding there's like crazy people there like cash patel is standing

01:53:38.120 there i lay down on the ground and i put my head on like a big bag of ice and the paramedics come

01:53:48.520 back and it's like i swear to god matt gates walks by cash patel like literally and there's

01:53:58.720 people that know me and they're like are you okay i go yeah i just a little from the heat and the

01:54:04.100 paramedics are now like dude we got to take you and i'm like no he's right there he's going to

01:54:08.400 meet trump and then someone goes hey he's going in and i literally i get up

01:54:14.300 i think i have like i have like grass in my hair i'm like disheveled i look like i'm dead

01:54:24.880 I walk in

01:54:26.760 my son's standing there in a tent

01:54:29.200 talking to Donald Trump

01:54:30.660 hanging out

01:54:32.720 lady goes

01:54:34.720 she goes we found him

01:54:37.680 he's on a bag of ice

01:54:41.660 he goes we found him

01:54:43.020 and Trump goes oh good good he looks at me

01:54:44.900 he goes get Dana on the phone

01:54:46.440 so I called Dana

01:54:49.140 and I go hey hey Dana he goes hey

01:54:50.840 he goes you having fun I go yeah the big man's here

01:54:52.880 hold on he wants to talk to you i had trump the phone trump's talking today and he's like

01:54:57.040 yeah yeah i don't know where he was i don't know we found him he was having a heart attack

01:55:01.720 he makes some kind of joke like that or something and he's like yeah no the kid's here and he looks

01:55:07.320 at hank and he goes he goes the kid yeah oh the kid's gorgeous he goes he's gorgeous he looks at

01:55:12.920 me and with the perfect time and he looks me up and down he goes the dad he's okay

01:55:18.660 that's amazing and i literally so i meet donald trump i'm fucking sweating i'm pale like grass 0.69

01:55:31.140 in my hair i got a picture though yeah i've seen the picture and then you lost a bunch of weight 0.79

01:55:35.100 and then i said the next day i was like i have to lose weight and i was 50 pounds

01:55:38.860 that's what we that's what i need and then i gained it all back on me you'll lose it but

01:55:44.440 As I was telling you in Pittsburgh, if I decide to choose stand-up, I got a good five minutes about how fat I am.

01:55:53.360 Is that a siren?

01:55:54.240 Yeah, your jokes are good.

01:55:55.620 I listen to them.

01:55:57.060 We all have to lose weight and quit smoking.

01:55:59.700 Yeah.

01:56:00.080 I knew the day would come.

01:56:02.300 It's come.

01:56:03.400 You have a heart doctor tomorrow.

01:56:04.940 I'm glad you're taking it serious.

01:56:05.560 Goddamn, I have to go to that fucking night.

01:56:07.220 All right, well, quit drinking and smoking cigs.

01:56:08.980 No, she's not going to stop.

01:56:09.700 That's not going to help you tomorrow.

01:56:11.300 But actually, you know what?

01:56:12.600 You want to go in. 0.95

01:56:13.580 i think you want to go in i'm going in fucked up and smoking you want to go in at what you 0.98

01:56:17.840 really would go in i'm going in like okay she lies me i lie no but they can't your body can't lie 0.98

01:56:24.560 what i'm saying is like that's why she's gonna try and not go but if you know go but if you try 0.89

01:56:29.540 to get healthy before physical you're just fucking yourself what if you like spend a week getting 0.56

01:56:35.860 healthy before you go to your physical then you just go back to being yeah that's not good a fat 0.90

01:56:42.100 lazy fuck like i know you're not fat you've lost a lot of weight and but you're definitely not lazy 0.84

01:56:48.420 no no but you just don't you're not you don't want to exercise you're not healthy physically 0.98

01:56:53.800 either am i oh my god i'm horrible none of us are physically active i just want to drink and

01:56:58.900 smoke and write jokes i'm like lord take this bird you know my favorite part of the whole show

01:57:06.680 and abc would never let me get my prayers in there but i think when somebody's really messed

01:57:14.680 up and then you listen to what they pray for it's hilarious oh we have some great prayers

01:57:20.060 and the prayers i wrote they are so hilarious to me because i remember the mentality i had to pray

01:57:28.580 when i was just so completely messed up i love the rooster prayer

01:57:33.520 isn't the rooster prayer great but i like the uh lord deliver me from the consequences as to the

01:57:44.860 sins i keep on committing before you lord they were so fun to write this was the most funnest

01:57:54.100 i've ever had i can't wait for people and uh i can't wait for people to see it yeah no i'm excited

01:58:00.420 about it it's different it's yeah no but you're so goddamn funny and randy randy quaid's the

01:58:06.480 oh my god the two of you together oh and lovett's comes in love it kills for an episode how funny

01:58:12.700 is he doug jones i said earlier comes in how funny is he who randy randy and doug jones oh they're

01:58:20.700 all great doug jones is so he plays such a weird character it's so funny he's so there's a lot of

01:58:29.060 easter eggs for our fans in the show yeah everyone's funny but yeah prayer ladies are

01:58:34.360 all great gladys drunk at the bat mitzvah yeah no it's a lot of fun stuff it's just about what

01:58:44.860 this woman has to yeah struggles getting through she has to do it for her granddaughter's bat

01:58:52.300 mitzvah yeah just struggling to get through life what's petty crime compared to familiar

01:58:58.280 compared to helping your grandchild

01:59:00.280 yeah familial love taking care of your family

01:59:02.180 I said this show was about

01:59:04.780 how

01:59:07.580 America is saved

01:59:10.200 through God, guns

01:59:12.040 the Bible, prayer 0.69

01:59:14.260 and petty crime

01:59:15.460 and that's true you do save America

01:59:18.460 alright

01:59:20.140 God bless America

01:59:22.920 right

01:59:24.000 go Trump go

01:59:26.100 i want to take this opportunity to say this to all those out there um trump knows what he's doing

01:59:34.080 he hasn't skipped a beat or missed a beat or a step yeah you if you don't know that 0.88

01:59:42.680 you're a fucking idiot yeah and if you have 0.94

01:59:50.580 any rational mind at all or know any actual news which you don't because america is completely

02:00:03.020 censored about iran that subject which is why i got fired but uh yeah trump knows what he's doing

02:00:11.940 he's doing it all he's doing what should have been done for generations but you know

02:00:19.660 people took their crack payoff

02:00:22.980 and they didn't

02:00:25.060 do it but Trump's doing it

02:00:27.000 because Trump

02:00:27.760 Trump is

02:00:29.440 the goat

02:00:31.080 he is I gotta say it's really crazy that we've been

02:00:34.880 infiltrated our side it's been infiltrated so easily

02:00:37.220 and mind controlled

02:00:38.920 so easily and it's in an

02:00:41.000 embarrassing fashion I don't even know if it's mind

02:00:42.840 controlled is it just cold 1.00

02:00:44.860 hard cash well look Candace is 0.99

02:00:46.940 Candace she's been a grifter from day one 1.00

02:00:48.960 she went left to the right 1.00

02:00:51.080 to the right to the right

02:00:52.740 and now she's back full circle

02:00:54.600 but not just Candace

02:00:57.080 James Lindsay

02:00:58.920 even Tim Poole who we love goes after Lindsay

02:01:00.980 but Lindsay was fucking right

02:01:03.400 nailed it 0.57

02:01:04.100 you should watch his thing

02:01:07.200 on YouTube about the history

02:01:09.000 of the Nazis and mind control

02:01:10.440 I love him so much

02:01:12.920 Tim I love you too

02:01:14.620 but I'm telling you boys

02:01:16.300 you need to get

02:01:17.920 Tim you need to get over it 0.97

02:01:20.620 Tim's too autistic to understand nuance 0.99

02:01:22.740 that's what it is 0.76

02:01:24.780 and I love Tim

02:01:26.080 no I love Tim

02:01:27.380 but seriously this guy

02:01:30.720 is an historian

02:01:32.660 a legendary historian

02:01:34.860 please honey

02:01:36.360 when all said and done

02:01:37.520 James Lindsay is the voice of

02:01:39.780 the next century

02:01:42.500 I just decided not

02:01:44.620 to panic

02:01:45.400 that's exactly that's that's what they want because they feed on fear and panic i'm like

02:01:52.240 the first year of generation x yeah uh-huh and from the day i've been born i've heard every crazy

02:02:01.360 earth ending theory yeah i remember being sick to my stomach hearing about the ozone hole oh yeah

02:02:09.500 And thinking that we were all going to be dead

02:02:12.200 before I could be a teenager.

02:02:14.420 Me too.

02:02:15.380 So every step of the way,

02:02:17.180 everything they panicked me about never happened.

02:02:20.260 Trauma.

02:02:20.640 It's inflicted trauma

02:02:22.060 and that is part of mind control.

02:02:24.740 Yeah, but every step of the way I'd just go,

02:02:26.880 but that didn't happen.

02:02:27.800 Yeah, you never do panic.

02:02:29.220 And I'm always just like,

02:02:30.340 I don't believe any of this.

02:02:33.080 Do you ever read The Wealthy Barber?

02:02:34.780 No.

02:02:35.600 He starts the book,

02:02:36.660 he's talking,

02:02:37.100 they're like,

02:02:37.780 it's an investment book.

02:02:38.700 But anyway,

02:02:38.920 at one point he's like the whole thing's gonna crash and everything goes that article was written in

02:02:43.160 1750 or whatever and he just proves that every 20 years there's this panic article written

02:02:48.440 and it never happens and they repeat it's part of the mind control that's why i think it's mind

02:02:52.840 control it's like global warming then it didn't warm and then it went to climate change oh yeah

02:02:57.540 that's why they went to climate change it wasn't warming greta thunberg is their um

02:03:04.500 manufactured robot she went from climate change and then that was a bomb 0.70

02:03:14.060 then she went to the gaza yeah and then they got bombed yeah that was a bomb 0.95

02:03:21.140 but the big money the big money for shit like that for publicity stunts media content it does 0.91

02:03:33.600 come from the Muslim Brotherhood. 0.68

02:03:35.720 Look at Joe Kent. 1.00

02:03:36.680 There's a market.

02:03:37.860 It's like the con market.

02:03:39.640 You can see there's a whole market

02:03:40.740 people don't know about.

02:03:41.500 No, it's just crazy.

02:03:42.520 But the other thing is that it's not...

02:03:45.500 Real?

02:03:47.260 Like normal people don't know about it.

02:03:48.840 The problem is that like

02:03:51.020 the media people know it.

02:03:54.680 Oh, they know it.

02:03:55.500 And that's all inside

02:03:56.440 and this and that and that.

02:03:58.040 But the normal people don't know about it

02:03:59.780 because they're not going to, you know.

02:04:01.420 But they don't question it enough.

02:04:03.160 the normal people are not questioning enough and i think they're starting to i hope so because

02:04:08.520 that's bad news when they don't question their government and wonder how come why did these 0.98

02:04:15.860 somali pirates go um well we're gonna get 5 000 daycare centers luring center luring centers 0.83

02:04:28.280 and there's not going to be any children in any of them. 0.82

02:04:32.840 But we're all going to be driving fucking Lamborghinis up in here.

02:04:37.880 Minnesota's nothing compared to California.

02:04:39.640 If they don't see that that is a criminal gang

02:04:43.740 takeover of taxpayers' stolen dollars.

02:04:47.020 You know they're trying to change the law for independent journalists.

02:04:49.380 And then they're like, 1.00

02:04:50.220 we need to cut off aid to the fucking kikes that control the weather. 1.00

02:04:55.840 Yep. 1.00

02:04:56.480 Look over there.

02:04:57.440 hey we got a billion dollars and we're funneling it all to hezbollah yeah but when the missiles 1.00

02:05:04.220 are coming in and the jewish space lasers are shooting them down they're gonna be happy then 1.00

02:05:09.620 no shit that's why i said we need to change passover because it's a new paradigm it's like 0.94

02:05:16.940 no longer had god not liberated us from egypt that would have been enough for us if god had 0.53

02:05:23.260 not parted the red sea and led us across on dry land that would have been in it but all that's in 0.90

02:05:28.340 the past because now it's like had god not made us so autistic that we have created laser weapons 0.80

02:05:38.400 that can take the enemy out as they sit on their throne in the morning with their pants around 0.93

02:05:45.440 their ankles upon their throne

02:05:48.880 and their expensive flooring

02:05:50.920 and just buzz them out

02:05:53.420 with no civilian casualties.

02:05:57.360 That would have been enough.

02:05:57.820 That would have been enough.

02:05:58.880 But how crazy is it that,

02:06:01.020 when was the last time you heard

02:06:02.360 anyone talk about Palestine?

02:06:06.100 It's been a while.

02:06:08.040 It's been a minute.

02:06:09.020 It was the biggest genocide

02:06:10.240 of the 21st century.

02:06:12.520 Although less people died 0.81

02:06:13.440 in that genocide than Iranian. 1.00

02:06:14.800 Well, no, but what I'm saying is it's just like... 1.00

02:06:16.600 They're on to the next.

02:06:17.620 No, it just went from literally the thing that was going to destroy the world. 0.99

02:06:22.480 The Iranian genocide of the Persian citizens.

02:06:27.220 Will never be talked about. 0.96

02:06:28.780 They did all that Palestine bullshit as a cover of that. 1.00

02:06:35.100 And Islamization of the entire Levant and Middle East. 1.00

02:06:43.420 I've got to tell you, though. 0.99

02:06:44.260 wiping out every single tribe of israel you have to just force your words in the venezuelan move 0.99

02:06:50.960 is the funniest yeah why because they're just going in and going get out put him in a plane 0.88

02:06:57.180 maduro out and then just and everyone's going oh my god this and that and then oh they left

02:07:04.380 everyone in power and then the lady in power is just like so anyway um here's the oil

02:07:10.980 it's like you don't hear anything about venezuela because the lady was like

02:07:17.500 oh you can do that yeah what do you need donald trump yeah but every step of the way that's what

02:07:25.380 i mean i don't panic i'm like what's venezuela gonna do let trump people were like well trying

02:07:30.140 to get story i go oh you think china's gonna attack us who's that mic close to you like my 0.73

02:07:35.660 mom i'm like you think china's gonna attack us it's like i'm a fucking stoned comedian 0.84

02:07:42.160 how do i look over and look at these people and go what are you talking about yeah 0.81

02:07:49.620 china's not going to attack the united states with their military because trump went and got 0.96

02:07:57.380 maduro yeah they're fucking retarded they're not retarded like you they're not emotional 0.98

02:08:04.380 10 year olds 0.99

02:08:05.780 who can't 0.99

02:08:07.780 I mean that's all it is 0.55

02:08:09.760 they're not grifter podcasters either

02:08:11.360 but when you see all these like hoity toity

02:08:14.180 oh they're so

02:08:15.860 when they're just like well you know

02:08:17.760 they say that

02:08:18.880 Trump's plan in the first time

02:08:21.820 was here's what we do we go pick off

02:08:23.660 countries that

02:08:25.740 we know will be favorable to Israel

02:08:27.780 well you can

02:08:29.860 never do that he's controlled by

02:08:31.700 the Jews no but no John Kerry 1.00

02:08:33.660 is going well that will never work because of the palestinians and then all of a sudden it's like 1.00

02:08:38.320 hey these seven arab countries just signed a peace treaty with israel and everyone's like 0.99

02:08:43.860 well it's not like they were at war yeah they always say you hate jews yeah just come out

02:08:50.300 israel doesn't control shit they're fighting for their lives every goddamn day they're surrounded 0.89

02:08:56.120 by a billion bloodthirsty 0.68

02:08:58.640 jihadists.

02:09:01.360 Yeah, who have been brainwashed.

02:09:04.520 And who brainwashed them?

02:09:06.160 Let's go into that.

02:09:08.020 MB, baby. 1.00

02:09:09.140 The Muslim Brotherhood. 0.67

02:09:10.020 Yeah, look, I'm all there.

02:09:11.500 I get all that.

02:09:12.400 And it's all there for everyone to see.

02:09:14.000 It's just this stupid obsession. 0.99

02:09:16.060 They'll tell you the Muslim Brotherhood. 1.00

02:09:17.340 With this tiny group of people 0.99

02:09:20.520 who've been chased.

02:09:21.880 Of course, we've been chased out of everywhere.

02:09:24.440 Yeah.

02:09:24.560 people don't like us well because we killed their gods yeah and i'm not talking about jesus we 0.64

02:09:30.380 talked about the idols we destroyed the idols abraham destroyed the idols the jews went apparently 0.53

02:09:36.160 there's one god yeah the god of abraham and which is what jesus said yes of course jesus followed 0.57

02:09:45.620 the old testament he was a jew and they also say you can't butt fuck each other and they hate this 0.76

02:09:50.120 That's what they really hate.

02:09:51.540 Oh, yeah. 1.00

02:09:52.080 You can't fuck kids, and you can't fuck goats, and you can't fuck men.

02:09:56.960 They're like, this is an outrage. 1.00

02:09:59.580 Fuck these Jews. 1.00

02:10:00.980 Fuck these Jews. 1.00

02:10:02.000 What are these Jews talking about? 1.00

02:10:03.900 Yeah. 1.00

02:10:04.500 But, I mean, yeah, no, it's like, oh. 0.76

02:10:06.820 And then the Jews are pissed because it goes, well, some Jews, because it goes, 0.69

02:10:10.880 you have to let the land rest and have a jubilee year every seven years. 0.94

02:10:16.180 And these fucking, I don't know who they are.

02:10:19.200 the money

02:10:20.680 the money grubbers

02:10:22.120 they're like we can never do that

02:10:24.900 and we can never forgive the debts

02:10:26.940 of our fellow Jews though it says that 0.63

02:10:28.960 in Torah

02:10:29.540 hells to the nigh 0.98

02:10:31.660 turn their tables over like Jesus 1.00

02:10:33.620 there's bad Jews out there 1.00

02:10:36.420 we can't be like Jesus 0.99

02:10:38.100 hells to the nigh

02:10:39.720 how cool was that guy man

02:10:41.420 that guy is the coolest

02:10:43.320 I always say it's like no 1.00

02:10:45.460 the Jews didn't

02:10:49.180 killed jesus the fucking romans the uh the congress yeah you know it was literally the 0.62

02:10:57.020 hierarchy of the temple yeah which jesus was going after jesus of course because he was going after 0.92

02:11:02.420 them yeah for being corrupt and they were and he was right but that's not the jews well no that 0.95

02:11:08.240 isn't entirely the story well they turned on him but the but it was them they sent him to the jews 1.00

02:11:15.260 to the romans yeah that's why because they wanted to get the rebellion out of their temple

02:11:21.260 what was the rebellion jesus

02:11:25.340 they were allowing the money lenders and the money lenders were romans yeah well that's what

02:11:32.540 jesus didn't like didn't like yeah it wasn't that he was people talk about it like he was

02:11:36.440 throwing the jewish bankers out no he didn't know no he was throwing the romans out of the temple

02:11:41.600 yes he was it was a currency war right and he was like you're not bringing their the occupier's 0.87

02:11:49.880 currency into a holy space yeah because he was just like just like they did against the hellenists

02:11:56.160 like no we're not going to accept boy love so they brought in the hellenists brought in the obelisk 0.57

02:12:04.280 to defile the temporal the big hard cock yeah that's what they did and then rome we had to 0.95

02:12:13.120 get rid of their ass and we did then rome comes in there with their shit but uh jesus was a 0.96

02:12:21.360 fighting zionist oh god mfer the great one of the greatest this whole thing was fighting for 0.73

02:12:26.720 the jews of israel yes and he was a warrior and he did lead a fight and he did win against the

02:12:34.740 romans and there is talk about that no it's actual history there's talk that the turn the other cheek

02:12:40.320 was actually a martial arts move i don't know if you guys know this yes yeah i have heard i don't

02:12:44.500 know that that's what it is turn the other cheek i've read this i'm not saying i agree with it but

02:12:48.740 there's all sorts of cool shit the guy was cool i love jesus i'm a big fan it's not like i can

02:12:54.140 disappointed you know i i understand jesus like i think no nobody else does because i'm a jew

02:13:01.420 and also i am of uh the tribe of david and rebellious well he had oppositional disorder

02:13:09.300 for sure yeah he's probably a little bit of a narcissist he walks in he's like i'm the son of 0.59

02:13:13.620 god it's like jesus settle down a little bit bro the fuck do you think you are that's actually 0.70

02:13:18.200 what the show canceled i don't give a shit i tell the truth every week no the guy was badass but 0.70

02:13:22.760 I know, but that's a pretty crazy thing to say. 0.52

02:13:27.660 But that's not what happened. 0.68

02:13:27.900 No, but the Christians believe that he is God. 0.58

02:13:29.680 That's not what happened.

02:13:31.440 Rome rewrote the whole story.

02:13:34.520 What I understand is the Pharisees said you can't say you're the Son of God.

02:13:37.220 And the real story will come out,

02:13:39.160 but Rome rewrote the whole history of this particular war. 0.93

02:13:47.780 That's true. 0.80

02:13:48.300 Paul never met Jesus, right?

02:13:49.440 Is that true?

02:13:49.820 he he lived 200 years after the death so i think there's some there's some no there's a real

02:13:56.120 historical record and people must prepare themselves to uh hear the actual truth

02:14:06.040 because it is coming and it is soul shaking but not really it's even any in the end

02:14:15.880 more amazing

02:14:19.360 more incredible

02:14:22.560 more glorious

02:14:25.960 more eternal

02:14:32.380 than what has been hidden

02:14:36.700 from us

02:14:39.340 and may it come quickly

02:14:42.680 amen

02:14:43.560 amen on that note

02:14:45.500 do you have anything else to say are we good

02:14:47.220 do you want to wrap or do you want to keep going I got pissed really bad

02:14:49.520 I'm good yeah no thank you

02:14:51.300 Alan Covert thanks for being on our show

02:14:53.480 you have to come back all the

02:14:55.460 time and talk about how much we

02:14:57.240 hate fucking idiots in Hollywood 0.91

02:14:59.620 and we didn't even get into 0.75

02:15:01.520 that yeah I know we didn't even get into that

02:15:03.840 I just want to say thank you you've been

02:15:05.380 a blessing to our family we didn't even know you

02:15:07.260 two years ago and now you're part of the family

02:15:08.940 thank you guys for bringing me into this

02:15:11.460 we love you we had so much fun

02:15:13.360 Do you think we have a chance to sell something this different?

02:15:16.920 Yes.

02:15:17.640 People are dying for stuff like this.

02:15:19.520 We are going to sell this show, I promise you.

02:15:22.200 Me and Covert are already on it.

02:15:23.740 No, we're going to sell it.

02:15:24.980 No, it's too good.

02:15:27.120 You're too funny.

02:15:28.480 I'm not going to say nothing.

02:15:29.720 No, say it.

02:15:30.340 No, I'm not going to say anything about the movie.

02:15:32.460 This is a mother-son podcast.

02:15:33.960 She's going to say we're ruining everything.

02:15:35.940 No, she's not going to say that.

02:15:37.280 She's going to say you're bullshitting me and you're having these talks.

02:15:39.600 You're not including me.

02:15:40.360 I'm the genius.

02:15:41.820 Blah, blah, blah, blah.

02:15:42.360 I already know where she's going.

02:15:43.080 When have I ever?

02:15:44.420 Like three times a day.

02:15:46.440 But we have to let the people that are connected do their thing.

02:15:49.860 And we have to let people cook.

02:15:52.100 You know, let people cook.

02:15:52.900 That's my philosophy.

02:15:54.340 But me and COVID are on it.

02:15:55.980 We had a big call last week.

02:15:57.320 Well, if it's God's will, that's how I look at it.

02:16:00.500 I got to be honest.

02:16:00.860 If it's God's will, it will happen.

02:16:04.200 You think God's not going to sell the show he does a part on?

02:16:06.560 That's why I gave God a big part in this show. 1.00

02:16:09.660 That's the Jew thing. 0.95

02:16:10.720 You give him a part. 0.99

02:16:11.080 God is the, yeah.

02:16:12.880 God is the star of the show.

02:16:14.160 You know, you give the guy who owns the company,

02:16:16.420 his kid wants to be an actor.

02:16:18.260 I know, I'm telling you.

02:16:19.880 You give him a line in the show.

02:16:21.300 I'm giving him the gold.

02:16:22.660 God, we gave you a part.

02:16:24.400 Sell the damn show. 0.89

02:16:25.120 Get the show sold.

02:16:26.160 All right, I got to get Hank back

02:16:27.360 because I had him play hooky today

02:16:29.180 to hang out with me.

02:16:29.920 Thanks for coming, sweetheart.

02:16:31.300 I love you.

02:16:32.040 I love you too.

02:16:33.240 Thank you.

02:16:33.840 I can't wait for everybody to see what we did.

02:16:35.620 Oh yeah, me too.

02:16:36.480 Oh, you see

02:16:38.560 My patience is growing thin

02:16:43.260 With this synthetic world

02:16:51.340 We're limited

The Roseanne Barr Podcast - April 17, 2026

Meemaw's Boy W⧸ Allen Covert ｜ The Roseanne Barr Podcast #132

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