The Roseanne Barr Podcast - My Baby Daddy ｜ The Roseanne Barr Podcast #145

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00:00:26.800 greetings earthlings and humans humans being divided into several categories

00:00:35.200 as well as non-humans disembodied spirits ops uh clones uh demons uh former humans that are

00:00:46.800 now possessed by demons such as uh tucker being possessed by be lock and candace being possessed

00:00:55.420 by Bilam, which I said about a year ago, and nobody listened, and they never listened to me,

00:01:00.680 of course. But I want to change it because the world has changed, I realized. The world has

00:01:05.900 changed, so I've got to stay up to date, unlike any of the other podcasters. I'm up to date.

00:01:12.860 And so now I'm going to say greetings, especially, well, to animals, of course,

00:01:19.240 because they're smarter than us because animals don't hate and so I want to say that to the people

00:01:30.500 I want to call here greetings especially to people who know what love feels like

00:01:38.300 welcome to the Roseanne Barr podcast

00:01:40.760 Well, you know how I like to interview geniuses, and, you know, I have a real humdinger of

00:01:57.640 a genius here today, somebody I grew up with, that's one way of putting it, but somebody

00:02:06.120 I've known for a long time.

00:02:07.400 How long have we been married now?

00:02:09.400 Well, we're not married, but we know each other 55 years.

00:02:12.980 But don't we always say happy 55th anniversary?

00:02:15.960 Yeah, I always send you an anniversary greeting.

00:02:18.300 Yeah, so we've been married 55 years despite other marriages in the same time, right?

00:02:21.740 Yeah, it's a three-way, just wasn't what I was expecting.

00:02:26.640 Well, he's a genius, and he's my baby daddy.

00:02:31.220 And he's also somebody that I knew before I was famous, helped me get famous.

00:02:37.300 and then our world kind of exploded and fell apart but he's a great writer and he's here

00:02:45.120 talking about his book which i love because it's all about me help me welcome bill pentland hi

00:02:51.660 bill hi rosie how are you today i'm okay how are you i'm doing good hard to believe all these years

00:02:58.780 from 1972 that's 55 55 years double nickels baby double nickels you know brandy's 55 i'm the one

00:03:09.380 that told her double nickels when i wished her happy birthday so i met you the year i had my

00:03:14.940 illegitimate child six months after uh-huh you had had brandy in may of 71 and then i assume you

00:03:23.680 went back to salt lake yeah that's uh you're part of the story i don't know but linda risardi our

00:03:29.360 mutual friend i just i don't want you to say anything bill okay i told you don't speak until

00:03:35.260 spoken to now that we're no longer legally married bill now that we're no longer longer legally

00:03:42.680 married you will have to listen and i would really like you because you read it to me since i can't

00:03:52.760 see nothing but i was just loving it so much i've always loved your writing but i would like you to

00:03:58.800 read the story of our meeting yeah you've never read the book so this will be now i need to get

00:04:04.720 new glasses hold it up that's your camera right there dad this is my dad by the way in case you

00:04:08.780 guys didn't figure it out okay yeah there you go this is called one degree of separation

00:04:14.280 my 50 years as Mr. Roseanne Barr 50 riotous years 55 riotous years oh I forgot about the

00:04:23.620 riotous part and then on the back when I was a clown this is before I met Roseanne

00:04:28.520 this is a history of us meeting as hippies just read it just read it you know I want to hear this

00:04:34.980 sorry it's a history of when we met as young hippies Roseanne was 19 and it's a story of

00:04:42.640 us being living in a log cabin outhouse hippies then denver suburbia fame where does it money

00:04:51.800 where does it end you have a chronological year it ends out right where does it end yeah the book

00:04:57.060 yeah um in 1994 when she divorced her second husband so it's up to tom's divorce and then

00:05:03.980 there's no talk after so it's a pretty cool little slice into your life yeah i just put a

00:05:07.920 an epilogue because it's actually

00:05:09.680 there's probably three books worth

00:05:11.840 do you want me to read now please

00:05:13.880 okay Jake stay out

00:05:16.280 of it don't say anything I'm helping your

00:05:17.860 your storytelling

00:05:19.360 I didn't read you the foreword so

00:05:21.940 no you didn't

00:05:23.860 okay this is the first chapter

00:05:25.260 excuse me Bill but you did write

00:05:27.920 the foreword in my book yes I did

00:05:30.060 yes and it's very good

00:05:31.240 so I wrote the foreword in that

00:05:33.260 and then this is my

00:05:35.820 here's your book this is my

00:05:37.640 book my autobiography and just my story with Roseanne so I'm going to read just the first

00:05:45.780 two pages to give you an idea are you Chinese she asked the chubby wild-eyed teenager stumbled

00:05:53.160 off an overnight greyhound fresh from Salt Lake City circling me with a critical eye as my friend

00:05:59.700 Linda attempted introductions or what passes for introductions when one is about to step into a

00:06:06.020 50-year hurricane. Bill, this is chunky, Linda said, the one I've been telling you about.

00:06:13.240 The Denver-bound bus departed with the hiss of air brakes while I pondered how to address this

00:06:18.000 novel and enticing situation. Well, I certainly wasn't Chinese. I'd grown up in the white-red 1.00

00:06:25.800 post-war 1950s tract home community of Security Colorado, just south of Colorado Springs and 0.83

00:06:33.080 across from the Soviet bullseye of Norad, living an idolistic wasp youth filled with church,

00:06:39.300 Schwinn bikes, cornflakes, and Saturday morning cartoons. I'd spent those early years fighting 0.95

00:06:44.640 commie influences, loving Jesus, and deciding what to make of portentous outliers like Elvis

00:06:51.100 Presley and James Dean. But the cultural pandemonium of the 60s was a much harsher mistress,

00:06:58.280 jerking me out of that mayonnaise reverie and in time gifting me a truer path. Not even my new eyes

00:07:06.120 could foresee the ride this teenage girl was about to give me however. It would ultimately involve

00:07:12.440 rooting in the depths of paycheck to paycheck desperation, log cabin living, an aborted 0.92

00:07:18.860 government career, suburbia, African religion, radical feminism, and a dizzying ascent into

00:07:26.740 Hollywood fame, fortune, and far too much money. Five decades later, would find me a grumbling

00:07:33.800 hermit of sorts, tending to her large properties in California and Hawaii. Allow me to explain.

00:07:42.420 Roseanne Chunky Bar, the bus-born temptist, had freshly escaped from cultural isolation in Utah 1.00

00:07:50.220 after giving up a baby girl for adoption in Denver six months prior. 0.73

00:07:55.600 At a home for unwed mothers there,

00:07:57.500 she bonded with my old friend Linda Rizzardi

00:07:59.580 and was now out on the road finding herself.

00:08:03.560 Linda had long been spinning me multiple lurid tales 1.00

00:08:06.320 about this incredible chick Chunky 1.00

00:08:08.320 and told her to come to Georgetown, 1.00

00:08:11.960 an esoteric mining town an hour west of Denver,

00:08:14.580 if she ever got the chance.

00:08:17.120 Apparently the time had finally come,

00:08:19.600 this cold January day in 1972, and what had been an abstract concept up to this point

00:08:26.560 was now a flesh-and-blood fireball. I'd been dealing with some cultural isolation of my own

00:08:32.620 as well. Only months before, I'd ingested some bad orange barrel LSD in West Covina, California,

00:08:38.720 and a subsequent bad trip had toggled me into a daily series of nasty panic attacks.

00:08:45.420 I crawled back to my parents' home in Colorado Springs to recover for a while,

00:08:51.480 hiding in my room and listening to Neil Young's Cowgirl in the Sand

00:08:54.900 over and over on a mono cassette tape deck.

00:08:58.820 Then, suddenly that Christmas of 1971,

00:09:02.520 I received word from Linda that a night clerk job

00:09:05.040 was opening up at a Georgetown motel 100 miles to the northwest.

00:09:10.480 The opportunity to escape my parents, my bedroom prison,

00:09:14.440 and the proximity of hawkish Fort Carson was too tempting to deny. 0.87

00:09:20.280 I packed my meager belongings into my 1966 VW Notchback

00:09:25.240 and moved into the Georgetown Motor Inn apartment a month prior,

00:09:30.460 settling into my new digs just ahead of Roseanne's unexpected arrival.

00:09:35.000 I'd known Linda for several years through old grade school chum Chad Griffin,

00:09:39.260 and I had been friends in Colorado Springs with him since fourth grade.

00:09:44.440 And when his family migrated to Georgetown in 1967,

00:09:48.580 he and his circle of friends became my go-to community whenever I could get away from Colorado Springs.

00:09:55.100 I loved everything about this historic, hard-drinking mining town

00:09:58.960 and its cast of colorful eccentrics, and vowed I would live there someday if I could.

00:10:05.400 Now, thanks to psychedelic drugs and fate, I could.

00:10:08.240 introductions done and being one of the rare clear creek county denizens with an actual running car 0.69

00:10:15.580 i was tapped to take linda and roseanne directly over to the lift a rough-hewn conglomeration of

00:10:22.880 creekside hippie apartments with a noisy live music venue directly overhead since my motel job

00:10:30.180 primarily consisted of checking in last called drunks from the bar next door i usually had

00:10:35.940 afternoons off and the fact that the Greyhound stop was directly in front of the motor end

00:10:40.820 made my availability a no-brainer. I loaded the two girls into the notch back and herded them 0.92

00:10:47.580 down to the lift where Roseanne would stay with Linda until she'd get her feet on the ground.

00:10:53.160 On the three-mile drive to Empire Junction, Roseanne and Linda caught up and chattered

00:10:58.180 excitedly in the back seat. You know what cracks me up? Every five minutes somebody's got a new

00:11:03.520 miracle weight loss thing. And if any of them worked, I'd be 120 pounds. Half of them sound

00:11:10.260 like they were invented by a guy in a garage at three in the morning. And meanwhile, everywhere

00:11:15.320 you look, it's another GLP-1 ad. That's why I was interested when I heard about veracity,

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00:11:30.040 like you're signing up for a science experiment this podcast is sponsored by veracity

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00:11:43.020 issues metabolism and if your goal is weight loss you've got to hear about metazol

00:11:48.600 you've got to hear about metabolism ignite the number one doctor recommended glp1 booster

00:11:57.320 and glp1 alternative i started using metabolism ignite a couple of weeks ago and the biggest

00:12:05.340 thing i noticed i'm not thinking about snacks every 10 minutes just two capsules with breakfast

00:12:11.480 and i'm good to go it's plant-based doctor formulated clinically proven and there are

00:12:17.500 no reported side effects you look great though yeah i yeah i do feel great from the ingredients

00:12:26.860 in clinical trials it's made with ingredients like lemon verbena hibiscus extract green coffee

00:12:34.480 bean extract and magnesium plus it's safe to take even if you're already using glp1 medications

00:12:41.540 what i like most is that veracity gives people a natural option yeah i love when something

00:12:47.480 scientifically legit but it doesn't come with a list of warnings that reads like a horror novel

00:12:53.480 Yeah, you should try this first if you're interested in this.

00:12:56.200 So before metabolism ignites sells out again, make the switch to GLP-1s the natural way.

00:13:03.360 Head to veracityhealth.com and use the code ROSANNE for up to 65 what?

00:13:10.140 Veracity.co.

00:13:11.560 Oh, veracity.co.

00:13:13.540 Once again, read it again for them.

00:13:15.140 Uh-oh, I don't know how to go back.

00:13:16.360 Just hit play once again.

00:13:17.960 What?

00:13:18.740 Hit play once again.

00:13:20.200 You're going to read it again.

00:13:20.800 Just remember it's co.

00:13:21.480 Once again, that's veracity, V-E-R-A-C-I-T-Y, health.co for up to 65% off.

00:13:31.400 And make sure you use my promo code, Roseanne, so they know I sent you.

00:13:36.480 There was so much to see and do.

00:13:39.120 So many new people to meet.

00:13:40.700 So many musicians to chase.

00:13:43.500 Eavesdropping as we cruised past Alvarado Cemetery,

00:13:47.060 I casually glanced at the hundreds of ancient gravesites rolling by.

00:13:50.560 people by civil minors and the poor little children who had never known an antibiotic 0.70

00:13:56.180 i listened as these two crazy ladies babbled on every interaction was a celebration every account 1.00

00:14:04.220 a marvelous epic unto itself how i savored hearing them talk soon i negotiated the tricky triangular

00:14:12.080 interchange that described old u.s highway 6 and 40 and pulled into the large gravel lot outside the

00:14:19.300 lift. Dogs sprawled idly on a large front porch, gazing passively at the churning stream,

00:14:28.200 while a dozen women in granny glasses and long paisley skirts moved languidly among the bearded 0.59

00:14:35.200 men. I love them all, this patchouli tribe. Slowly maneuvering my car around the back to the

00:14:41.760 apartments below, I offloaded Linda and Roseanne and headed back to the motel. I had a busy evening

00:14:48.440 ahead, drinking my acid-scarred animus into oblivion, and doing the Sunday New York Times

00:14:55.140 crossword while I listened to Stephen Stills and Joni Mitchell on my Ram Shackle stereo.

00:15:01.200 My plate was full enough. I would catch up with this chunky another time. 1.00

00:15:06.100 The next day, Chad walked over to the motel for our daily 3 p.m. viewing of Dark Shadows.

00:15:12.680 Sporting his usual white cambrick shirt, climbing boots, and jeans, he stroked his

00:15:17.760 mustache and shook out his long curly ponytail as he doffed his goose down parka. We had a small

00:15:25.820 ragtag group of loyal Barnabas fans that gathered in the lobby weekday afternoons while I took

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00:17:11.320 rumble.com forward slash promo official rules for details. Linda of course had already apprised

00:17:17.840 Chuck, Chad, pardon me. Linda had already of course apprised Chad about the arrival of Chunky

00:17:23.880 and he and I had decided to meet both of them later that evening at the Herringbone,

00:17:29.560 a run-down pizza bar and trailer park across the stream from the Lyft.

00:17:34.440 Since I wasn't due to begin my drinking and crossword regimen until 10 o'clock, he and I had some time.

00:17:42.320 We met Linda there and spent the evening making introductions, yakking, and sharing frenzied histories over week 3-2 beer.

00:17:51.020 Chad had already indicated he didn't care much for the nickname Chunky, so Roseanne mentioned her Jewish name was Shana Rivka.

00:17:58.740 That sounded much more exotic and flamboyant, so from that moment on she became Shana.

00:18:04.440 at least as far as chad was concerned switching personas came easily to roseanne

00:18:10.060 it wasn't a big deal in her book she was as mercurial as a butterfly on speed 0.99

00:18:15.980 shana slash chunky slash roseanne proved to be quite the animated conversationalist

00:18:22.600 and in short order chad was smitten i was happy for him so i dutifully took the position as wingman

00:18:29.680 and suggested we all go back to the motel apartment for my night shift

00:18:33.820 although I wasn't allowed to have guests behind the counter after hours I decided to break with

00:18:39.740 convention given the possibility that Chad might actually get laid after a long dry spell

00:18:45.060 Linda likely had a previous commitment at the lift with the musician of the week

00:18:51.080 and didn't come along so the three of us headed back to the motel where I relieved the evening

00:18:56.860 clerk I hid Chad and Linda out in my car for the moment but as soon as the coast was clear

00:19:02.900 smuggled them into the apartment under cover of darkness it's chad and roseanne you said linda

00:19:08.760 oh i'm sorry yeah linda had a likely previous commitment at the lift with the musician of the

00:19:15.780 week so i had chad and roseanne out in the car for the moment but as soon as the coast was clear

00:19:22.340 smuggled them into the apartment under cover of darkness i fired up the prerequisite joni mitchell

00:19:28.120 album on my shitty stereo. I was nothing if not inventive. I offered what meagle refreshments I 0.93

00:19:35.960 had, being careful not to allow either guest to touch my precious beer. There were limits after

00:19:42.060 all. Conversation flowed naturally enough, but about two and a half beers in, I suddenly became

00:19:48.460 aware of some urgent and whispered cosmic command. Without even considering Chad's feelings,

00:19:54.440 I impulsively reached over and placed my hand on Roseanne's bare thigh.

00:20:00.020 It was an uncharacteristically greedy move on my part,

00:20:03.680 and looking back now, I have nothing else to offer

00:20:06.480 other than the universe, at times, must have a longer view of things.

00:20:12.120 A disgruntled Chad got the message and left,

00:20:15.100 and that impetuous thigh grab would eventually usher a lot of new souls into this world,

00:20:20.220 years and even decades down the road. 0.64

00:20:22.740 Wow.

00:20:23.280 Isn't that great?

00:20:24.140 I didn't know you moved in on Chad's girl.

00:20:26.100 I never knew that.

00:20:27.260 You should read the book I sent you.

00:20:28.680 I don't want to read it.

00:20:29.680 I'm just kidding.

00:20:30.400 No, I will read it.

00:20:31.260 This is better.

00:20:32.040 I'd rather have you read it.

00:20:33.320 I love that.

00:20:34.680 Remember that?

00:20:36.180 Was that a crazy, was that crazy?

00:20:39.160 That whole first couple of days.

00:20:42.080 I mean, the first two weeks you're there are the best.

00:20:44.960 That would be you and me meeting,

00:20:47.540 but you can't stay at the motor end because I wasn't allowed to have guests.

00:20:50.840 Right.

00:20:51.240 So you were going to stay with Linda at the Lyft.

00:20:53.280 but you couldn't stay there either so why uh the manager there her name was linda as well i think

00:21:01.200 she said that she wasn't allowed to have a guest in in that apartment oh and i couldn't

00:21:07.100 well drew was living there too yeah drew was there just oh yeah they couldn't have a guest

00:21:11.720 that's right right so you were was enough you were homeless and chad knew of a knew of a cave

00:21:18.940 high up oh yeah the one i moved in yeah you were in a cave yeah giving backstory we talked about

00:21:23.500 the cave from yeah so there there was a pass that was used in the 1880s when georgetown and empire

00:21:29.660 were silver mining towns with this old scary two-lane road that they took covered wagons over

00:21:37.140 it's only about 10 feet wide yeah brandy keeps going up and trying to find i sent her i sent

00:21:41.700 her a picture with an arrow on i said no you have to go down the road it'll be on your right she

00:21:46.820 didn't go far enough yeah but as you go down there's it's about the size of a door goes back

00:21:52.380 in about 20 feet it was a pilot bore that they would drill into to see if there was any

00:21:57.560 silver bearing material in there so it was level it had a nice soft sand dirt floor and it was

00:22:06.500 always 68 degrees year round so it was a good place for people to to live temporarily but after

00:22:14.760 a few days of that i kind of felt sorry for you living in a cave and we worked out a system where

00:22:22.360 you could come down and stay at the motor end do you remember that yeah i do remember that okay

00:22:26.800 what was the system well that i had to get up and go to the closet at 5 30 a.m sleep in the closet

00:22:34.140 because that's when the manager the day manager would come in and go to the safe which was in

00:22:39.580 your bedroom in your bathroom right and then when he'd go back i'd i'd uh climb out the window

00:22:46.620 and go to the front of the motel and come in and say hi to him and say is bill here he go yeah go

00:22:52.860 on back yeah i was allowed to have this during the daytime so then she just complete the circle

00:22:58.260 and go back to sleep uh if they did they didn't say anything but um we did that every day for

00:23:05.840 a long time I mean it was every day except the one day a week when I had the night off so I

00:23:12.460 decided to take Roseanne camping I want to go up in the mountains and camp and I found this

00:23:17.580 beautiful stream and a place to park and I put some beer in this dream and it was nice and bubbly

00:23:23.180 and cold and Roseanne decided to strip down naked with the exception of a blanket oh I was doing a

00:23:31.140 superman thing yeah or forest wave or something like that yeah but you were naked except for a

00:23:37.600 blanket around your shoulders and off you went into the woods and i'm setting up the camp why

00:23:43.860 i i was telling your dad you know i had brandy uh approximately 14 months after i was released

00:23:53.100 from the utah mental institution so i still had mental problems obviously well you're mercurial

00:24:00.540 as i said okay we'll say that anyway so she wanders off into the woods and i just love that

00:24:06.220 i'm setting up the tent putting out no he always accepted my mental illness you didn't you didn't

00:24:12.140 think that was a red flag no but let's talk about that later anyhow i'm setting up camp waiting on

00:24:18.260 that first beer at sundown and she comes walking back with a worried look on her face and she says

00:24:23.880 i was walking through the woods and i came across these five or six guys and they said

00:24:28.540 what are you supposed to be and we had just seen deliverance not not too long before that so

00:24:34.980 i said get in the car and i unpacked in about or packed up in about five minutes i just threw

00:24:41.440 everything in the trunk tent poles everything peeled out with a big lobster plume of rooster

00:24:48.380 plume of dust and we went back to georgetown so we didn't get to camp that night the other six

00:24:55.400 nights we stayed at the motel we would do the window thing got really monotonous and finally

00:25:01.160 one day this guy comes in he's looking for a job and the opportunity comes up where Roseanne and I

00:25:07.180 can I can still keep my night clerk job but I give up the apartment so she doesn't have to sneak out

00:25:13.080 the window anymore so we moved to look back to the lift for a while we were only there about a month

00:25:19.920 or two and the bandstand was right above so live music till 2 a.m boom boom boom boom boom and it

00:25:28.120 got a little too crowded girl we were living with was bringing two guys home a night remember her 0.53

00:25:34.380 which one with the big boobs no was this the toenails that he thought was hot the long time 0.97

00:25:40.680 No, that was in another town. 0.99

00:25:43.880 Okay, go.

00:25:45.000 Anyhow. 1.00

00:25:47.040 That was Patty.

00:25:49.020 Who?

00:25:50.060 Patty, that was a friend of Phil, the journalist.

00:25:52.960 Oh, yes, yes, yes.

00:25:54.860 I do remember her.

00:25:55.900 Long toenails. 0.85

00:25:56.640 You thought it was so hot because she painted her toenails. 0.99

00:26:00.400 No, I thought Barbara Walder's feet were hot because she painted her toenails.

00:26:04.680 Nothing about Patty.

00:26:06.160 But that's later.

00:26:06.980 That's much later.

00:26:07.740 I told you I like Barbara Walder's feet.

00:26:10.680 And you were angry about that.

00:26:12.380 I was.

00:26:13.260 But I digress.

00:26:15.240 So anyhow, I looked up an ad in the local Clear Creek Current,

00:26:20.740 and there was a log cabin for rent.

00:26:22.560 And I called the woman that owned it.

00:26:24.120 They live down in Denver.

00:26:25.840 And I said, I see you have a log cabin.

00:26:27.920 You left out that you were wearing a wig.

00:26:30.080 You had to wear a wig to work.

00:26:31.700 I'm getting to it.

00:26:32.000 I'm getting to it.

00:26:33.220 I tell her on the phone, we would like to rent the cabin. 1.00

00:26:35.640 She says, well, we have to meet you first because we don't want any hippies 1.00

00:26:39.580 and we don't want any unmarried i said oh well me and my wife are married so we agreed to meet them 0.66

00:26:44.820 at five that afternoon down in dumont and you had long hippie hair right it wasn't real long but it

00:26:50.600 was too long so i had a short hair wig a lot of guys my age wore short hair wigs during those

00:26:56.640 days so they could work regular jobs and then at the end of the day comb out the hair that's so

00:27:02.200 and then i went through the lost and found at the motor inn drawer and picked out some wedding rings

00:27:06.280 for the two of us and we went down to meet mr and mrs teal they were like in their 80s yeah and

00:27:11.780 they could see the wedding rings and my short hair so we got the cabin nice 75 bucks a month

00:27:17.960 that was good it was great we had uh our own place was it what did that have glass or is

00:27:24.380 that the one with no glass i had glass it had a glass porch and then one window that swung open

00:27:29.960 over the bed okay which is where the goat came okay and then it had an outhouse outside a two

00:27:35.740 hole outs out two two holes yeah the wind caught it and blew the door off so when you went out to

00:27:43.180 use the outhouse nobody could see you but you could look down on i-70 so instead of reading a

00:27:47.740 magazine 40 then no it was i-70 it was all right yeah it was already interstate at that point so

00:27:53.780 it was like watching the mississippi all this commerce all these trucks and just wondering

00:27:58.500 where they're going while you're sitting in the outhouse what do you mean no one could see you

00:28:02.400 Couldn't they have looked up and seen us?

00:28:03.420 Well, they could have seen us.

00:28:04.280 Well, we were half a mile away.

00:28:05.380 I mean, if they're driving down the road with binoculars.

00:28:08.000 We were way up a hill.

00:28:09.580 We were about 200 yards up a hill.

00:28:11.080 I used to wave while I was taking a dump.

00:28:12.600 That's what I wonder.

00:28:13.360 They wouldn't see her.

00:28:13.960 They wouldn't see her.

00:28:15.380 I was hoping they did.

00:28:17.080 Nighttime was too cold to go out and use the outhouse,

00:28:20.580 so there was a sink in the kitchen,

00:28:23.980 which was a convenient urinal for when we had.

00:28:27.260 Were you too?

00:28:28.460 No, I don't think.

00:28:29.700 I can't remember.

00:28:30.380 Did you climb up and sit on it?

00:28:31.860 Yeah.

00:28:32.400 And this is the sink you prepared food on?

00:28:34.320 Well, we washed it.

00:28:35.120 No, we didn't prepare food at all there.

00:28:36.980 I don't think we ever cooked.

00:28:38.220 We never ate there.

00:28:39.240 We just had a pump for water.

00:28:41.180 We'd bring in a big barrel of water at night.

00:28:43.860 In the morning, it'd have a layer of rime ice on the top of it, just frozen.

00:28:49.720 And I had my shampoo on top of the refrigerator, and it fell on the floor,

00:28:53.040 and it was a plastic bottle, and it broke.

00:28:55.220 Shattered.

00:28:55.800 Yeah, shattered because it was frozen.

00:28:57.340 Oh, my God.

00:28:58.300 And then I just started crying.

00:28:59.820 I just lost it and broke down.

00:29:02.400 So, we started figuring, well, we'll go into town during the day, come back to the cabin at night.

00:29:08.860 And we were there a year.

00:29:10.260 Once it turned summer, it was really nice.

00:29:12.960 And we wanted a TV.

00:29:15.760 So, universe.

00:29:18.100 Do you remember Big Rich at the Red Ram?

00:29:20.640 This guy that was about 450 pounds.

00:29:22.740 Yes.

00:29:23.000 Looked like a lineman for the Chicago Bears.

00:29:25.180 Yeah.

00:29:25.840 Him and his girlfriend were selling a TV console.

00:29:29.820 it had a stereo and fm radio and a tv screen big as a casket yeah and they lived upstairs at the

00:29:36.900 red ram which was an old i do remember that yeah yeah yeah and we um you wanted to you finally got

00:29:42.820 your check from your auto accident in uh utah and i think you had 50 left over to spend and you

00:29:51.420 wanted something tangible from that wreck so we bought this big casket size as huge as a coffin

00:30:00.300 yeah and we're carrying it down these stairs behind the ram which was built in 1878

00:30:05.400 and rich is up top so he's 400 pounds and that's 100 i'm on the bottom of it and i'm just thinking

00:30:12.040 what if i take one wrong step yeah we scooted in the back of the by then i had a square back i

00:30:18.700 didn't have the notch back anymore because it broke down so we got a square back with the

00:30:23.620 mattress in the back so i could sleep while she worked and we took that tv down to the cabin and

00:30:30.540 we could get a perfect picture because we were around a mountain straight out of denver perfect

00:30:35.940 tv that's awesome so uh we watched that was the billy jean bobby riggs that's right we saw it

00:30:43.680 And we got great stereo.

00:30:45.540 I think, what was it, KKFM out of Denver?

00:30:47.740 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:30:48.340 It had the best music.

00:30:50.600 And then we started hearing a rustling in the kitchen.

00:30:54.940 And Roseanne noticed that our cereal was sort of spread over the counter.

00:30:59.780 And she got up one night and realized there was a pack rat about yay big

00:31:03.100 that was getting into our casket and eating our food.

00:31:06.040 All popped up, and then the next time I seen him, he was skinny.

00:31:09.260 Well, he was dead the next time you saw him. 0.85

00:31:11.040 No, I saw him skinny and fat. 0.99

00:31:13.680 Well, anyway, we decided we had to get rid of the pack rat. 0.89

00:31:16.040 Well, you did.

00:31:16.860 Okay.

00:31:17.340 That's my favorite story.

00:31:18.140 So I had a .22 rifle, but it was a single shot.

00:31:20.780 It only held one bullet.

00:31:22.320 So I loaded the one shell, set it on my lap, took my chair, turned on KKFM,

00:31:28.220 listening to Lou Reed walk on the wild side.

00:31:30.900 She's sleeping.

00:31:32.180 And then I look in the kitchen, and I got a dead-on straight shot.

00:31:37.160 And just nice, held my breath, squeezed, bam, right through his heart,

00:31:42.400 spying everything straight kill he fell in the trash but the the shot woke rosanna this is my

00:31:49.680 favorite story he's hunting and the smell in the house yeah inside the house and she jumps up goes

00:31:54.720 what the hell was that and i go i got the rat i got the rat and i brought over a trash back and 0.99

00:31:59.840 i showed her the dead rat inside the trash she made me take him out and dump him in the uh outhouse

00:32:05.480 but uh yeah that was my hunting hunting adventure i have one of my favorite stories i just love that

00:32:12.220 you shot a gun in the middle of the night in the living room well i only had one shot too if i'd

00:32:16.620 missed and wounded him it would have gone on the wall and i mean this was a log cabin it was

00:32:20.640 mortar and chink and all that kind of stuff so it was uh you remember when i painted it yeah

00:32:26.920 i painted them flowers all over the yeah she decorated it really nice they the installation

00:32:33.000 was cardboard over the logs and that was held in place by one by two stripping and while i was at

00:32:39.740 work at the motor end now that i was on days she stayed behind and she painted some pretty flowers

00:32:45.180 and stuff made a nice little home you guys are building a nice little home with the outhouse

00:32:49.400 and a dead remember how you could never wake up in time to get to work yeah so you put that

00:32:54.740 alarm clock inside a pan and you had two alarm clocks inside metal wind up ones from the motor

00:33:01.500 end because i couldn't dare oversleep so i had two wind up ones and then an electric one that

00:33:07.140 was in a aluminum pan our electricity was in the ceiling there wasn't any electricity on the ground

00:33:13.400 so the thing went off and vibrated and unplugged itself and i was i was late for work all the time

00:33:21.120 and then there was that horrible month in january of 73 i believe when it stayed 22 below zero

00:33:28.440 for 26 days and we had to dig our way out because we couldn't open our door over yeah we had some

00:33:35.340 company we were all trying to get to town none of our cars would start i mean the oil yeah it was

00:33:40.620 frozen i mean it was so um me and frank carlson the guy with the two different colored eyes

00:33:48.760 what do you call it heterochromia something like that yeah he had a gray and a brown eye he's he's

00:33:52.980 in the book him and i walked over to our neighbors who we had never met before and they let us use 0.82

00:33:58.700 their phone the dirty hippies and we called rosemary larita and she had a plow on the front 0.84

00:34:04.960 of her jeep and they come down and got us out jumped our cars and then we stayed in georgetown 1.00

00:34:10.400 for a few days until the cold spell went that's amazing yeah because you have to have the car

00:34:15.260 start and then finally i get a vacation for a week and we're going to go to disneyland remember

00:34:20.980 no yes i put all the settlement money i got from my accident into your car so we could drive to

00:34:28.860 disneyland we got a new engine oh and then that broke down halfway out of colorado yeah just south

00:34:36.140 of pueblo and it blew up so then you had to go we had to sign up for getting a gremlin yeah we got

00:34:42.980 a brand new gremlin that my parents co-signed with and it was at that moment i tried not to

00:34:48.660 owe any money i wanted to be free yeah and my dad wanted me to join the postal service yeah

00:34:53.480 and at some point it was going to happen but i wanted a car that wasn't going to break down i

00:34:59.460 mean the volkswagen do you remember when the gas pedal broke and i had to tie a wire in the back

00:35:04.000 well i had to sit in the back with a rope and pull it yeah you could make it because i was on

00:35:10.620 the carburetor so i'd say okay pull so she would pull the wire and i go okay let go and i didn't

00:35:16.380 have a clutch so i had to learn to dry shift oh my god and you can also start a volkswagen in

00:35:21.780 first gear yeah as long as you know where you're pointed so i'd put it in first and we had like a 1.00

00:35:26.840 runway in front of us in the motoring parking lot and then i'd get roseanne back to pull the wire

00:35:31.800 so the engine had high rpms yeah we'd get it started and then i learned how to shift without

00:35:37.120 a clutch it was like a dollar part yeah but uh my boss steve he had to go down to denver once a week

00:35:44.280 I had him pick up a clutch cable and an accelerator cable.

00:35:50.540 Now, to get somebody to put them in, we had to go to this scary hippie guy.

00:35:57.100 You remember Bo and Joanne in Idaho Springs?

00:36:02.320 They were a very interesting couple that I talk about in the book.

00:36:06.220 Joanne, I believe, was from a mafiosa family.

00:36:10.500 Bo was a very nice guy, spider legs, beard, long hair.

00:36:14.920 From Texas, and they were both heirs.

00:36:17.740 And they, Bo and Joanne, and they made a pizza parlor,

00:36:21.360 which when they sold the name Bojo's, it's still famous in Utah, or Idaho Springs.

00:36:27.040 They still have Bojo's Pizza, but that was named after Bo Regard and Joanne.

00:36:32.260 and um we went way up the canyon towards mount evans and then up a dirt road to where this

00:36:41.260 scary ass hippie guy his name was rar uh-huh remember and he had a couple dogs and he put in

00:36:47.620 the uh cables for us and fixed the car for like 10 bucks then we had a car again so it was safe 0.91

00:36:54.520 to go to california jeez did you ever make it to california yeah we went to disneyland i didn't

00:36:59.860 know this we did go to disneyland i don't remember one thing about disneyland because i had too much

00:37:04.760 trauma over disneyland from my childhood i don't remember one thing what's funny is we went down

00:37:10.160 sunset strip and i was looking for one of those maps of celebrities homes and i talk in the book

00:37:16.840 how 20 years down the road she would live in that area yeah i couldn't ever imagine us driving in

00:37:24.660 the gremlin and turning down these streets with brentwood and all that yeah that that was good

00:37:30.040 that the future especially when you have like a throttle cable in your car but what about

00:37:35.000 disneyland what the hell did we do there i don't remember i don't remember much either we just went

00:37:39.220 for the day and came back i mean it was i don't remember much about the trip didn't we sleep in

00:37:44.700 the gremlin no we slept in a motel we did and i heard a guy outside clinking in the parking lot

00:37:50.520 and I looked out the window and he was right next to my brand new gremlin

00:37:53.300 and I thought he was going to steal it.

00:37:55.620 So I stayed up all night, but he was fixing a tire on his car.

00:37:59.660 He didn't hurt it any.

00:38:01.480 So we drove back and then it was time to at some point meet your parents,

00:38:07.220 but that was earlier.

00:38:09.480 They knew that Roseanne was living in a log cabin alone

00:38:14.260 and they wanted to drive out from Salt Lake.

00:38:17.200 So I knew Jerry and Helen were going to be coming.

00:38:19.400 and i didn't want them to know that i lived there so i didn't want them to know well neither of us

00:38:25.540 we did this deal was i lived so i i got one of my friends in georgetown to let me stay in his house

00:38:31.340 for a couple nights i borrowed the van from the motor in and i was actually sleeping in it

00:38:37.360 and jerry uh rosanne's dad they came to the cabin and i guess the first thing they saw were my

00:38:45.460 underwear in the second drawer I forgot to take my underwear out and then as they're driving down

00:38:50.860 the dirt road to show Georgetown there's the motor in vans they kind of put two and two together he

00:38:56.280 was sleeping in the yard you're so slick yeah it wasn't uh not well thought out wasn't very good

00:39:05.280 and this is my boyfriend they stayed for a visit they checked out the log cabin I think they just

00:39:12.520 wanted to check how roseanne was doing since uh leaving how long had you been gone by then

00:39:18.060 eight months maybe see you guys in a couple weeks i said as i pulled out in the bus yep and we did

00:39:25.980 we didn't have cell phones in yeah so we would have to use the pay phone at the lift that was

00:39:30.800 the closest one or down at the gas station downyville so a lot of times we drive down

00:39:36.180 use the pay phone use a calling card so nobody could reach you you know unless somebody happened

00:39:43.660 to drive up and tell you well we did make collect calls home oh yeah we did a lot we couldn't just

00:39:48.820 dial on the motel phone no we called your folks always thrilled to hear from you i'll bet and we

00:39:56.240 had a pay phone at the mode uh well across from the lift and there's two places here there was 0.99

00:40:02.380 the lift which is the the hippie bar with the bands and the horrible night all those rednecks 1.00

00:40:08.440 came down and beat everybody up with shotguns oh yeah we got to talk about that there's that story 1.00

00:40:13.940 and then across the stream was a trailer court and that was run by the woman was nice but the

00:40:20.540 man was accused of poisoning all the dogs at the lift oh yeah he did that yeah old man rasset

00:40:26.000 and that was full of trailers so a couple years later we would move into that trailer park

00:40:30.920 but at that point we hadn't we were at the lift so you remember the the fight at the the lift yeah

00:40:37.680 they really beat you guys up oh well your mom got thrown out a door i was taking my friend

00:40:44.080 it was a great night it was was it thanksgiving or something it was something and we were just

00:40:49.280 holiday we had a band and i was singing in it with woody yeah and uh it's called shark bait

00:40:56.760 after frank's office raleigh and mary were there and we were just having a great time and uh i left

00:41:04.440 because i had to take it was closed and so we partied in yeah private party private party and

00:41:10.020 you left to take somebody somewhere frank i had to take frank back to uh georgetown oh so when i

00:41:15.860 drove back and pull into the lift parking lot where was the lift an empire it's it's the junction

00:41:21.540 between okay this road goes up to georgetown this road goes to empire yeah i always thought it was

00:41:26.220 in georgetown but anyway it's the empire junction is where that that's a different that's kind of

00:41:32.320 the nexus of two worlds because georgetown had a lot of artists you know donnie and carol in the

00:41:37.680 sass box all these great people we used to hang around musicians and hippies yeah it's like a 0.92

00:41:43.340 cool little cool people artists and then um empire was kind of redneck yeah right and they didn't 0.51

00:41:51.020 like hippies exactly so they came down because one of them had a 15 year old daughter that was

00:41:56.260 in the party we didn't even know her or nothing we don't know how she got in but they came in

00:42:01.680 there with rifles and started kicking and beating up everybody and you know i was like like blood

00:42:08.700 oh yeah and i never seen nothing like that and i was on stage and i look at the door and i'm like

00:42:16.600 okay it's about 15 steps so i start going sideways you know yeah and i was like two door two steps

00:42:24.360 on the door and i'm like thank you god because i'm getting out of here and as i take one step 1.00

00:42:29.780 some bitch flies through the air with the derrick queen hair doing the big blonde flies through the 1.00

00:42:35.740 air and it hits me and i the door swings open i tumble down these cement steps into the dirt and 1.00

00:42:42.240 as i get in the dirt up pulls dad oh my god so i pull open the door and jump in so i pull in and 1.00

00:42:49.160 i see her being pushed out a door and being chased by you know 50 year old woman with clearly how 1.00

00:42:56.180 country western women yeah wore their hair in those days yeah and she comes running to the car 1.00

00:43:01.240 opens the door and says run run get out of here they got guns so she got in the car we peeled out 1.00

00:43:07.180 went about a half mile away see why i have trauma over singing yeah that's probably why they attacked 0.91

00:43:12.100 you and she was saying they've got shotguns and holy shit so we decided to go back i mean i 0.76

00:43:19.800 didn't want to but i said we got to go back and see what's going on and we got there 0.94

00:43:23.920 as all the rednecks were leaving and as we came in the owner of the bar was a guy named bear

00:43:29.580 and they had i guess either kicked him in the face or used the butt of a shotgun i'm not sure

00:43:35.680 but his face was covered in blood and all the men were gathered around him trying to look and he says

00:43:42.980 i've lost my eye i've lost my eye god and this was just paranoid that was the way it was back then

00:43:49.740 you know in the late 60s early 70s there was the establishment and there was the hippies it was a

00:43:56.440 very real separation very real and um they took him on down to denver to get his eye fixed and

00:44:06.360 remove his tear duct oh my god and then it just kind of quieted down we took a bunch of us we

00:44:12.600 went to the empire uh police station i think uh you remember some of the girls there's martha and

00:44:19.180 paula and all we a group of us went over there to file um assault charges and we went in to talk

00:44:25.820 to the sheriff office like this he's got his legs up on the desk pot belly may had a cigar maybe i

00:44:33.640 just didn't i mean straight out of central cast yeah and we say we were attacked by and we knew

00:44:39.960 this family's name i'm not gonna say it now but i i still know the the last name and um

00:44:46.340 we said we want to file assault you know this guy lost damage damaged his eye and all that

00:44:53.940 And they said, well, tell you what, they came down to get their daughter who was 15.

00:44:58.620 I didn't know that.

00:44:59.740 And if we file this suit and there was a minor there,

00:45:05.100 they're going to close the door to the lift and throw all of you out.

00:45:09.860 So we just all kind of looked at each other, beaten, just kind of down at our feet

00:45:15.620 and went back to the lift and just, I noticed the men started,

00:45:19.720 the hippie men started having buck knives on their belts.

00:45:23.340 and then came the election between mcgovern and nixon and we had to vote in empire and we went

00:45:31.500 up in a group there's about 12 of us because we were still terrified this was within a month i'd

00:45:36.900 say of that fight and i remember we went into a schoolhouse to vote and i write in here about the

00:45:44.020 smell of that school the way lunchrooms smell looking at the tile on the floor not even sure

00:45:50.200 our votes were going to be cast or thrown into a trash can.

00:45:53.880 Yeah, like now.

00:45:55.180 Yeah.

00:45:56.260 But just a huge fright.

00:46:01.460 Fright, yeah.

00:46:02.820 Yeah, I need a potty break.

00:46:04.440 Okay, yeah, go take a break.

00:46:05.840 Yeah, do it.

00:46:06.920 Just go.

00:46:07.760 Oh, I just go?

00:46:08.600 Yeah.

00:46:08.940 Are you just going to edit it?

00:46:10.080 Don't you have your diapers on?

00:46:12.060 What kind of an old person are you with no diapers? 1.00

00:46:14.520 Yeah, mom's pissing herself right now in diapers like a respectable woman. 1.00

00:46:17.220 Not pee. 1.00

00:46:17.960 It's not pee.

00:46:20.200 i'll go smoke outside you can smoke in here no he's all right no i can't are you still filming

00:46:28.520 yeah okay go bill get out of here yeah you know i don't want to smoke in here only one or two

00:46:35.800 because dad has cancer yeah i think that's right that's this isn't this is the only second time

00:46:40.540 two out of three times you you've not well no sorry one time out of the three you did not

00:46:47.680 smoke with the cancer person well that's because he only that's because patrick had just had half

00:46:52.120 patrick had just had half his lung out like six months before or three days or something a week

00:46:59.240 yeah you didn't smoke that was very nice but you did the first time when he was here and i said mom

00:47:03.600 patrick has cancer you're like whatever and then today i told my mom before we started go dad has

00:47:08.300 cancer so no one's moment she's like he's in remission so i wanted to get that on tape thank

00:47:14.500 you for setting me up on that that really did well you didn't let's take a break because yeah

00:47:18.360 dad loves to go on and on that's why i divorced him but the other part is we have to talk about

00:47:25.020 us which i know will make dad so uncomfortable because he can't have he doesn't have any 0.78

00:47:31.500 emotional memories you mean you and dad's marriage yeah we're gonna get that that's part two dumb 0.99

00:47:37.200 shit but i love this i mean the hippie shit i mean i mean the background of our story yeah he's 0.99

00:47:42.980 doing great so of our generation you know no he that's what dad does he you can smoke in here 1.00

00:47:48.220 i don't know i'm gonna go out well i have to leave it running i can't stop

00:47:52.060 no he does that he ties in that's what i've always liked about yeah my dad is he he'll tell

00:47:58.900 a story but it's about the times he always has the juxtaposition of history which is cool that

00:48:03.980 is true mcgovern nixon is a fine writer i mean that's why i you know i guess fell for him because

00:48:11.400 he was a great writer i thought and i was a writer too he writes about my writing in the book i read

00:48:17.500 that today it's a picture in a caption but yeah you know i never showed him any of my writing

00:48:23.880 really no never i didn't even want him to know i was writing why because you thought he was too

00:48:30.120 good and you were intimidated or you just didn't want anyone to read i never wanted anyone to read

00:48:34.960 my writing on the same way because it was i knew it was weird yeah and then uh dad in his book says

00:48:42.640 so i put it all in the basement in a bottom drawer i hid it in garbage bags in the basement

00:48:48.780 and uh no that was in our trailer i hid it in a drawer in the trailer and then we had a trailer

00:48:56.120 fire and um everything burned down except that drawer all my writing was saved wow except for

00:49:05.100 it was burned on the edges yeah that's crazy that's when he first saw it and then he's like

00:49:11.280 oh boy we're thrilled um no it's fascinating you're doing great by the way dad we love this

00:49:17.900 have a seat yeah try and get in the exact same position if you can did you hit your head no

00:49:24.640 Not yet.

00:49:25.740 Oh, dang it.

00:49:26.060 We've got a lot of those head-hitting stories.

00:49:27.700 That's a whole other podcast.

00:49:30.780 You hitting your head has been the source of so many laughs in my life,

00:49:36.620 especially when you hit your head on the same light every day for about a year.

00:49:44.380 Which light was that?

00:49:45.400 That was over the, no, that was in, where was it, in Denver?

00:49:52.380 over our dining room round table

00:49:55.160 when we had the girls. 0.97

00:49:57.300 Just the girls.

00:49:58.200 On Utica?

00:49:59.420 No.

00:50:00.560 No.

00:50:01.280 In that apartment building.

00:50:03.300 No, the apartment building.

00:50:04.260 The apartment building.

00:50:05.180 Okay.

00:50:05.920 When I had Jenny.

00:50:07.640 Yeah. 0.98

00:50:08.420 You only had Jess. 0.95

00:50:10.460 Already had Jess.

00:50:11.920 Yeah, we already had Jess.

00:50:13.240 But that was in Colorado Springs.

00:50:15.480 That was?

00:50:16.700 Yeah.

00:50:17.200 But then we moved to Denver,

00:50:18.620 so I was pregnant with Jenny

00:50:19.840 and almost had her,

00:50:20.880 and we moved into that house i mean that apartment you want to describe why georgetown

00:50:26.320 became why we moved because there's as i say the universe creates oh i guess i don't have any 1.00

00:50:36.580 memory of it well we were in georgetown we'd gone through all the the rednecks and then my parents 1.00

00:50:42.740 came up to visit one day and they found a trailer down at no i said it burned down i already told 1.00

00:50:47.740 that way you were gone oh because I read in your book that I had hid my writing you didn't even

00:50:53.540 know I wrote well you wouldn't let me look at it yeah I said I think that I liked you so much

00:50:59.980 because I admired your writing I have a picture of you in there reading I don't know if you saw

00:51:05.060 it or not but I did that's what I'm talking about when the trailer burned it didn't burn up it

00:51:09.700 burned down all the windows were closed so it was a heat thing that the heat starts at the top and

00:51:15.820 burns down like our mixer on the wall melded like a big avocado icicle so all of her writings were

00:51:22.660 still in a drawer but they had smoke damage so you could see what page had laid on another one

00:51:28.180 because it would be white and then brown and then i noticed she had like four different types of 0.65

00:51:34.760 cursive and two different types of printing and um when i read later that roseanne said she had 0.99

00:51:41.720 14 personalities

00:51:43.800 I said well I like one

00:51:45.820 of them

00:51:46.340 I'd even like one of them 0.99

00:51:49.580 and she just

00:51:51.320 she's very shy about

00:51:53.100 letting me see them

00:51:55.500 so

00:51:56.120 but what happened with

00:51:59.800 Georgetown to close out

00:52:01.560 what was happening at that time

00:52:03.080 half of our friends

00:52:05.620 got involved with a guru

00:52:07.380 oh hell yeah that's right

00:52:09.240 Guru Majiraji

00:52:10.460 So all the wonderful things we had with Carol and Donnie at the Sass Box

00:52:14.560 and all of the poets and all the different interesting people that came in

00:52:19.680 and just this, I mean, the first part of the book really gives,

00:52:23.940 Georgetown's unique, still is, it's amazing.

00:52:26.940 Yeah, it is.

00:52:27.340 But it changed because half of our group got involved in a cult.

00:52:33.700 What was the guru cult like?

00:52:35.700 Guru Maharaji.

00:52:37.180 Guru Maharaji.

00:52:38.760 He is 14 years old, right?

00:52:39.940 14 year old kid supposed to be jesus was he like a published author or was this just no it's just

00:52:45.580 some kid that in the area like a boulder or denver i can't remember what did he have a following is

00:52:50.900 it just like six people you knew he had a ton of followers they had their own ashram and shit okay

00:52:55.580 everybody was into it okay except us right so our group that had been close up to a point now is

00:53:03.200 starting to fragment so the ones that joined the cult gave away all of their belongings we got a

00:53:09.180 kick-ass head at corral living where yeah we did we did with that um we we couldn't bathe at the

00:53:16.680 cabin so i have a chapter called bath night there was only one house in georgetown this pipes didn't 0.87

00:53:24.620 freeze during the winter so everybody had times as long as you'd bring uh compost from the red

00:53:31.680 ram like leftover steaks and potatoes add to the compost heap you block in we had wednesday

00:53:39.100 nights at eight for our bath so we go over wednesday night for bath and the nice thing

00:53:44.740 with it being cold you keep pretty well you don't smell right and we're in there and i think your

00:53:50.480 mom was first in the water and we start hearing crying you know and of course every house in

00:53:56.220 georgetown's 130 years old yeah it never burned down so it's haunted yeah all these houses are

00:54:02.900 old and we heard crying coming from the from the attic and it we thought it might be a ghost because

00:54:10.400 we had heard ghosts at that time lots of uh stuff like that now they show sightings came to georgetown

00:54:17.160 it's world famous for being yeah it's a real yeah we had so it's it's like the one of the

00:54:22.640 most haunted cities in america peter james the psychic said it was the most haunted town in

00:54:26.900 america yeah anyhow it wasn't a ghost it was two of our ex-friends that had followed the guru

00:54:34.100 and what you were supposed to do is to be able to curve your tongue far enough back

00:54:38.680 to touch your brain and taste nectar yeah that taste the nectar and once you tasted the nectar

00:54:44.520 then you were and so you're you're it's a trance it's transcendental meditation did anyone do it

00:54:53.540 half yeah i did it no but i mean they touched you could taste nectar oh yeah i don't know part of

00:54:58.400 the trend i didn't taste any nectar beer maybe not nectar but it's just not really we were we've been

00:55:07.120 in the cabin then my parents got the trailer i guess she was talking while i was gone and we

00:55:12.400 moved that back to the herringbone so now we've completed a circle wait sorry who was crying up

00:55:17.200 in the attic uh two of the people that were our friends i'm not going to name them here but they

00:55:21.920 just our group we had had a group maybe 25 they cried every night when they followed that guy he

00:55:28.520 told them it was good and they wouldn't speak to us and it just they're up there crying every night

00:55:34.320 everywhere in town and then nixon was crying everywhere scary as hell nixon was it was like

00:55:42.040 that movie they live yeah yeah and i still had a draft card remember i was still i could have been

00:55:47.820 drafted so there was always the fear of nixon increasing the war in vietnam and lying and then

00:55:54.520 going into cambodia so we had a lot of uh um protests about that yeah all that kind of i

00:56:01.580 reference it in my new show good that'll be interesting it was it was uh just got to the

00:56:09.320 point where we just kind of stayed in our trailer at the lift yeah in well across the stream because

00:56:15.020 lift was i think vacant at that time yeah i don't think it was down too it's torn down now it's just

00:56:20.660 a dirt lot but a building was there we were in the trailer and i like to read the movie reviews

00:56:27.500 in the rocky mountain news and they're raving about this movie called the exorcist oh my god

00:56:32.140 that changed our lives and that was we got married because of the exorcist yes that would be the next

00:56:37.720 switch if you think of a train track with switches yeah and you go down another track your mom and i

00:56:43.280 had four or five of those that would push our life down a different way so we go down to denver to

00:56:48.640 see the exorcist and we're sitting in there and i got about 20 minutes into it no it's 10 minutes

00:56:55.440 10 minutes well all i remember is the blood squirting out her neck from a new a needle and

00:57:00.260 i said i'll meet you in the lobby and i went out there and there were another five or ten people

00:57:04.780 just sitting and looking at their feet she comes out about 20 minutes later and says i don't want

00:57:10.340 to see it either yeah and we had to walk two blocks to uh our car and it was cold and dark

00:57:15.580 and we were parked in front of a catholic church so looked like the one in the movie

00:57:20.540 so for the next three weeks we think that we're being possessed by demons you guys have told me

00:57:26.080 this story i've never i've always wanted to ask thought you were being possessed or yeah

00:57:29.820 like you really well what happened is we were like in trauma because it was horrifying and we

00:57:36.960 just tried to be normal were you guys smoking a lot of weed or acid no no i never took drugs or

00:57:42.400 no she couldn't smoke weed she got anxiety attacks so none of this was i was i never i was the only

00:57:48.400 one that didn't take acid or smoke pot yeah she didn't do uh any drinking or anything okay so you

00:57:54.400 actually were you like hearing demonic voices no we just were in just scary trauma okay so he goes

00:58:00.800 to work and i hear a knock knock on the trailer i open it and it's mormon missionaries and i'm in

00:58:07.800 shock first of all because i'm from salt lake city utah yep grew up in a lot of your childhood was

00:58:14.120 with the mormon church at times and so i'm like god send them to save me the universe speaking

00:58:21.500 yeah from saving me from getting demonically possessed so i go come on in a boy do i need

00:58:28.000 to talk to you and i'm like i think i'm getting demonically possessed i went to see this movie

00:58:32.800 the exorcist they go oh you should never go see yeah this and that and i'm like well what am i

00:58:39.040 gonna do and they go well who do you live here with and i go me and my boyfriend they go so

00:58:44.320 you're not married you're living in sin that's why you're living in sin so that's why you're

00:58:48.480 getting possessed by satan so i go thank you come back you know and they did come back a few

00:58:53.900 so when he comes home i'm like we're living in sin and that's why we're getting possessed and

00:58:59.040 we have got to get married right away so romantic that everyone wants to hear their parents love

00:59:03.620 story this is great so we decided to get married but i was raised lutheran and my childhood is a

00:59:11.540 whole another story very another book well it's christian crusade yeah i was uh john birch christian

00:59:18.340 crusade billy james hargus who as all preachers are was eventually convicted of molesting child

00:59:26.520 molesting so what saved me and why i love mccartney so much is the beatles saved me

00:59:32.840 the beatles and weed if i hadn't had that at that time in the universe my brother and i were very

00:59:40.260 similar to each other but we were 10 years apart so he he missed that so he became a cop yeah and

00:59:46.500 detective i'm a side detective church but we're basically the same guy yeah it was just that's i

00:59:52.180 got the beetles and weed to thank for for getting out of that and living in manitou i'd loved love

00:59:57.740 manitou that was my next place so we decide we're going to get out of georgetown we have a farewell

01:00:04.200 party at the ram lying to the bathrooms too long so i decided to go outside on the side of the ram

01:00:11.680 and pee on the side of the building and a policeman saw me and he arrested me for

01:00:18.160 public undecency indecency yeah so the day that we had scheduled a trailer to come tow

01:00:24.380 a big truck to tow our trailer down to

01:00:27.900 8th street that was the first place we went there's a walmart there now but we found a a lot

01:00:37.060 And they took the trailer down.

01:00:38.660 My dad had to take Roseanne down because I had to go to court in Georgetown

01:00:43.460 and pay my fine for – I remember that cop going,

01:00:46.640 that's the filthiest thing I've ever seen.

01:00:49.040 He's just riding. 0.87

01:00:50.380 I thought that's one way. 0.99

01:00:51.500 You know, I just felt kind of stupid. 0.93

01:00:53.660 But were you guys moved to get married, 0.99

01:00:56.320 or you just didn't want to be there because the cult?

01:00:57.960 No, we decided to get married in Georgetown.

01:01:01.320 But because I had been raised right-wing Lutheran,

01:01:04.340 and Roseanne had been Mormon and Jewish,

01:01:09.280 we thought our parents are going to be on us to pick a side. 0.66

01:01:13.820 So I said, we have got to do this on the down low.

01:01:17.120 We are not picking a side. 0.96

01:01:18.860 We called them both.

01:01:21.060 Well, we went and met my mom and dad down at the Yum Yum tree.

01:01:24.780 They said, we have something to tell you.

01:01:26.720 We're possessed by Satan, so we're getting married.

01:01:29.900 I said, we're getting married next week.

01:01:31.480 And my mom just dropped her fork and says, well, aren't we invited?

01:01:35.340 And I said, we're not having a wedding.

01:01:37.180 We're going to have a civil ceremony because we are making a statement right now

01:01:42.420 that we're not going to side with any religion.

01:01:44.540 We're going to be secular.

01:01:47.360 And that was the whole point of having a judge do it.

01:01:53.180 And then we go to Golden the day of our wedding,

01:01:55.900 and he makes us pray before he reads this.

01:01:58.680 I remember they were Carol and Donnie.

01:02:00.400 They were our witnesses.

01:02:01.480 they were our heroes they were the first ones to get married and they had babies yeah and they were

01:02:07.040 our heroes yeah so they came down excuse me as our witnesses then they had to go back to work

01:02:15.620 and rosanna and i went over pardon my voice have some drink i should we went to target for our

01:02:25.540 honeymoon yeah i think we had fourteen dollars to spend i spent three dollars on her diamond ring

01:02:32.720 and we got uh not a real thing to hold dishes because we were still in georgetown at this time

01:02:38.440 so the famous wedding photo yeah so what were you gonna say you're skipping all over the place so

01:02:44.600 we got the trailer moved and we got it taken down to colorado springs and we hired the guy 0.99

01:02:51.400 that ran the park to convert it from propane to natural gas and the son of a bitch did it wrong 0.98

01:02:57.400 no but wait so but you still had to give notice at the motor end so we so we left the trailer 0.98

01:03:07.660 getting hooked up and converted and went back to the motor got it all set up we spent one night in

01:03:13.120 it and it got down to 48 degrees that night if it had got down to 45 that bad furnace would have

01:03:19.000 kicked on and killed us yeah another universe yeah so we're up in georgetown and i'm behind

01:03:24.140 the counter my last day me and roseanne my parents drive all the way up and they're crying and

01:03:30.280 there's tears down and i think my brother's dead you know yeah and they said our trailer had caught

01:03:35.580 fire so they just felt so sorry for us because we find we're just trying so hard to get a place of

01:03:41.920 our own and just cursed you know it was always something yeah always something so my friends

01:03:48.760 all down in uh but was this when we would have been dead if we were in there yeah if we stayed

01:03:54.560 the second night another universe another universe and that's when you found the writings that's the

01:03:59.900 same or do you have two trailers well after we had the fire we wanted to save what we could so we

01:04:05.220 moved what was salvageable including her big coffin size tv which we had all the way until

01:04:11.920 white oak because you wanted that oh i remember that tv that's the tv from yes that was the one

01:04:16.900 tangible asset she had from a wreck yeah so we took it everywhere and i had to clean the smoke

01:04:22.940 off it for and it stunk i used 409 it was down at my parents back porch and i cleaned everything

01:04:29.580 and then we went through all of her

01:04:32.120 her writings and her pages

01:04:34.100 and got those organized

01:04:35.220 and you let me finally read some of them

01:04:38.040 very impressed with

01:04:39.840 well I knew you were a genius

01:04:42.060 I knew that from the get go

01:04:43.420 you did?

01:04:44.280 yeah

01:04:44.480 you never told me that

01:04:46.800 and it didn't seem like

01:04:47.980 well I didn't read the whole first chapter

01:04:49.920 I just read up to where I grabbed your leg

01:04:52.420 I mean there's 300 pages in this thing

01:04:55.300 so there was always

01:04:57.820 the universe

01:05:00.160 would change things

01:05:02.420 so my friends all chipped in

01:05:05.040 and they put us

01:05:06.840 in an old

01:05:08.980 house that they all lived in in Cascade

01:05:11.000 Colorado where Dwight

01:05:12.860 and Mamie Eisenhower had their honeymoon

01:05:15.080 oh how cute 0.65

01:05:16.340 and my friend Roger lived there

01:05:18.700 Floyd lived there

01:05:19.760 what was that called the Cascade house

01:05:22.940 East Home

01:05:24.340 and it's a bed and breakfast

01:05:26.940 now oh yeah we lived there yeah they bought us two weeks there till we could find find a house

01:05:34.600 yeah and it was fun it was communal living with a communal kitchen no because patty with the long

01:05:39.660 nails came in every morning yelling at me because my beer cans i wasn't saving it do you remember

01:05:44.500 that she just barged into the bedroom angry because well what we had was a communal fridge

01:05:50.380 and you'd put a quarter in for every beer you'd take out okay enough of your tedious stories

01:05:54.940 but i want you to tell how you were the one that uh had to carry the secret nixon papers

01:06:02.720 because you were working on the newspaper is that in the book uh not no i start that with

01:06:09.320 when i met you at the motor end but i have written four or five separate essays i want to try to

01:06:14.560 continue writing so i do have a story called uh the littlest spy versus spy is what i call it

01:06:23.240 and it describes a time when I this before I met Roseanne I worked on a newspaper

01:06:28.140 in Colorado Springs and there was um uh strange something strange going on it sold and all the

01:06:37.900 staff got kicked out but I was a copy boy so yeah I stayed I just you know wrote the obituaries and

01:06:44.260 all that and the new people that came in the wife of the new publisher was Martha Mitchell's press

01:06:51.060 secretary so all the time i was there martha mitchell would call up drunk to talk to her ex 0.99

01:06:57.940 personal assistant and say john mitchell's doing that plumbers and they're stealing shit and all 0.61

01:07:03.920 of this and the newspaper i worked at was bought by purchased by hank greenspun who owned the las 0.87

01:07:10.680 vegas sun and that safe was broken into by the plumbers a year before watergate oh yeah so i

01:07:17.520 I was involved in Watergate but a year before it happened.

01:07:21.880 Oh, my God.

01:07:23.120 So one day I show up to work, and because I'm a copy boy,

01:07:26.640 we had these new reporters around that I don't think were reporters.

01:07:31.220 I think they were probably maybe CIA.

01:07:34.720 I don't know.

01:07:35.060 Oh, my God.

01:07:36.000 But anyway, one guy, big cowboy boots, big greased back hair,

01:07:39.560 love the guy, Mike Wales was his name, calls me over and he says,

01:07:43.540 you got a car, right?

01:07:44.580 I go, yeah.

01:07:45.080 and he says i need you to go to this address uh lady there's going to give you a package 1.00

01:07:51.380 just pick it up so i drove up north to this trailer park knocked on the door and this old 0.92

01:07:59.000 woman answered and she gave me a big manila envelope and i hid it under the thing in my

01:08:04.980 floorboard of my volkswagen because he told me don't stop for anybody don't talk to anybody

01:08:10.060 I get back to the newspaper and he says, grabs it and says, did anybody talk to me? I said, no.

01:08:16.960 So that's all I'm thinking about it. And then later that night, the woman and this old guy come in,

01:08:26.160 an old man, and they're talking to Martha Mitchell's ex-press secretary's husband.

01:08:33.820 Something big was going on. And it was late at night. I would stay and clean up the copy machines.

01:08:38.300 and the publisher was there late that night

01:08:41.440 and he just walked out and he said

01:08:42.880 the president's going to be calling in a minute

01:08:45.940 when that call comes through

01:08:47.440 put it through to my office

01:08:49.140 so I'm just sitting there

01:08:51.260 and blink blink blink 0.80

01:08:52.460 I figured it would be a woman saying

01:08:53.960 this is the White House calling

01:08:56.080 it's Nixon

01:08:57.180 I never heard this story

01:08:59.400 yeah it's Nixon

01:09:00.340 Colorado Springs son

01:09:02.340 and he goes yeah this is President Nixon

01:09:05.100 it's Bill Westendick there

01:09:06.480 and I said one moment sir 0.95

01:09:07.720 and i had mixed feelings because i hated his guts but anyway i went back to weston dick's room and 0.89

01:09:13.600 i said president's on the phone and he jumped up and slammed the door and got on the phone and i

01:09:18.760 know they talked 45 minutes and the next day this guy that the papers that i had hidden in my car

01:09:27.000 had to do with a guy that was set up by the cia to set fire to a an airplane in flight and he was

01:09:34.920 in Leavenworth but he claimed to be a CIA agent and as soon as he was uh let out he had a heart

01:09:42.020 attack like two weeks but that's all before I met Roseanne wow I mean I was already a spy and yeah

01:09:47.340 and a right winger and a John Bircher and a LSD I mean I'd I'd had 10 lives already before I even

01:09:54.400 crossed probably why you guys got along yeah we were two very uh what did we talk about that bonded

01:10:01.320 us that first night that we talked when we went to the herringbone no when we were going back to

01:10:09.060 the place with chad when you moved in on chad what made you what were we talking about just

01:10:13.800 things in general i think uh i was talking about how i'd known chad since uh sixth grade and but

01:10:20.000 what made us you don't remember what we talked about the three of us are sitting there me and

01:10:25.760 you oh after he left well before anything the three of us are just talking and i'm playing

01:10:33.660 wingman for chad because he had a crush on you yeah i know but what do you remember anything

01:10:39.960 i said no it was just general conversation do you remember anything i ever said you remember

01:10:46.720 yeah but not that particular night and um do you remember why you liked me

01:10:52.200 yeah it's in there it's i was captivated by

01:10:57.940 what you were i mean you were like nobody i'd ever met i should have read that before uh

01:11:05.440 it's in there i i read you the first three pages did you ever think i was mentally ill

01:11:11.280 no i thought you were an artist still do i mean it's just i figured artists are mercurial

01:11:18.880 Van Gogh was a nightmare to get along with, as I understand it.

01:11:23.160 Cuts off his ear.

01:11:24.400 He was always drunk.

01:11:26.340 But what's the craziest thing you ever saw me do?

01:11:32.780 The craziest?

01:11:34.660 Besides leaving you for Tom Arnold.

01:11:36.980 I threw him the dresser at him, didn't you?

01:11:39.160 The dresser at him.

01:11:40.540 You are so many different incarnations.

01:11:42.880 I mean, you're a young girl, 19, that's just given a baby up for adoption.

01:11:50.200 We get married.

01:11:51.260 We move to Colorado Springs.

01:11:52.740 I finally decide I'm going to have to work for the post office.

01:11:56.560 But I couldn't get on right away, so I worked at that furniture store.

01:12:01.100 My friend Bert got me on there, and I got laid off.

01:12:05.120 And you were pregnant with Jessica.

01:12:07.220 We lived in another trailer then that my other friend Bob Gustin had sold us.

01:12:11.400 and that was a great deal because he had to go to college it was in place it was a 10 by 60 which is

01:12:17.540 big for us other one was an 8 by 46 it was already in place it was in manitou i love manitou

01:12:25.420 and uh we moved there and that's where we had jessica yeah and i was supposed to take your mom

01:12:33.360 to the hospital we did lamaze training we went and saw all these army pictures from the 1950s

01:12:40.140 where they put gas on the mothers, knocked them out,

01:12:43.200 and then the babies were also stoned when they came out.

01:12:46.540 This was before they...

01:12:48.260 The epidurals.

01:12:48.860 This was going to be, yeah, this was going to be the light thing.

01:12:52.180 And I got fired from my furniture-moving job.

01:12:56.240 And I have a chapter in there about that drive home,

01:12:59.240 what to be married and have a baby on the way and to lose a job

01:13:03.620 just took the wind out of me.

01:13:06.000 yeah and um i got home and uh i remember your mom just kind of going through the phone book

01:13:12.020 and she called up a garbage company and said do you need any drivers because i had a chauffeur's

01:13:19.520 license and she got me a job so i go over to superior sanitation you know they're all ex-cons

01:13:26.920 and stuff like this so yeah i get hard to be a garbage man i said the only thing is my wife's

01:13:34.220 going to have a baby every day. We've studied Lamaze training. You've got to call me on the 0.74

01:13:38.540 radio. Bring me in so I can go get her and take her to the hospital. Yes, sir. Yes, sir. I'll do 1.00

01:13:44.000 that. Second day of work. Five in the evening. I'm in the truck coming back. He calls on the radio

01:13:51.280 Superior 10 to Bill. Yeah. You've got a bouncing little baby girl. I said, what are you talking

01:13:59.220 about and he says your wife had a baby i said well you were supposed to call me oh well i tried 0.98

01:14:04.640 calling you but you didn't answer the radio which was bullshit yeah you don't call i mean she's 0.96

01:14:09.060 going to go into labor he wanted you to finish your shift yeah he wanted me to finish the shift 0.99

01:14:12.820 he wasn't going to bring a truck in disgusting so my cousin kathy who only lived a quarter mile

01:14:19.480 away i i forget how you got a hold of them my mom got a hold of kathy phil carr's wife and she drove 0.95

01:14:26.560 you to the hospital and then by the time i got the word she'd already given birth to jessica

01:14:32.980 i drove straight from the garbage company to the the hospital but i had my garbage clothes on which

01:14:40.100 was striped overalls and big muddy boots they thought i was one of the construction workers 1.00

01:14:46.380 so they would not me hold jessica right away i had to look at her through glass that's awful

01:14:53.080 So I ran home, took a shower, changed clothes, got back to the hospital about 8 before I could hold Jess.

01:15:00.360 And then every day that I had that job, I'd come home at 5.

01:15:04.500 We had a little shed outside the front door, and I'd change clothes out there so I could come in and then go in and take a shower.

01:15:12.780 Then I could hold Jessica.

01:15:14.220 And we did that, I think, about six months.

01:15:16.220 Till that started on fire.

01:15:18.820 Well, a wire started on fire.

01:15:21.280 Yeah, so then it's like, Bill, you're going to go to the post office and get a job there, right?

01:15:26.820 Well, you weren't going to live in trailers anymore.

01:15:29.800 And it was so funny.

01:15:30.680 We had that old couple next door, Herb and Leona, that kept an eye out for us.

01:15:35.340 And they were in their 80s.

01:15:36.780 And recently I was telling your mom about that.

01:15:38.980 Oh, are they still there?

01:15:40.880 They're 140 and are still there.

01:15:42.680 Yeah, they're still not there.

01:15:43.480 But, you know, I just love Manitou, still do.

01:15:47.560 It's one of my favorite places.

01:15:49.540 But back to me.

01:15:50.440 back to Roseanne

01:15:51.580 do you think that if we hadn't

01:15:55.100 if I hadn't got famous

01:15:56.780 and remember when we would sit there

01:15:58.860 I mean remember when I

01:16:01.180 decided I was going to do stand up comedy

01:16:03.340 yeah that's what I want to hear

01:16:04.540 was that weird

01:16:05.460 yes

01:16:06.460 and I have to fess up that I wasn't

01:16:11.380 very supportive of your mother at first

01:16:13.580 I was threatened

01:16:14.440 I thought gosh I finally got on

01:16:17.480 at the post office

01:16:18.500 it uh it was uh graveyard is the word i want i had to work from midnight to seven and then

01:16:25.700 she had you three guys yeah within 44 months yeah so she wasn't doing stand-up then she was uh

01:16:32.540 having agoraphobia and trying to keep the kids quiet in the house our first house was probably

01:16:38.660 about as big as this room yeah and then i'd come home at seven in the morning and it was hot you 0.99

01:16:44.500 So your poor mom was trying to keep Jenny and Jess quiet.

01:16:49.480 Good luck.

01:16:50.160 And you weren't born just yet. 1.00

01:16:52.340 And Jenny was always going out in the yard and poisoning herself.

01:16:55.160 So we'd have to call the Poison Control Center on speed dial. 1.00

01:16:59.020 And they told me to put my finger down her throat. 0.99

01:17:02.140 We had a linoleum floor for our living room, go figure. 1.00

01:17:05.680 But I could get her to puke, and then I could go through and see if there was any berries in there. 1.00

01:17:10.580 Jesus Christ. 0.99

01:17:11.600 Or she'd go across the street and hit her head on something and need stitches. 0.99

01:17:16.420 She got a tick once we went camping and came back.

01:17:19.420 She said she felt something funny in her hair.

01:17:22.680 And I'd look, and there's a tick.

01:17:24.540 So I called the hospital, and they said,

01:17:26.320 You take needle-nose pliers and gently squeeze a tick, but pull it out at an angle.

01:17:31.380 Don't pull it.

01:17:32.640 Pull it out at an angle so you can still see its tusks like an elephant.

01:17:37.060 So that's what we were doing with the kids.

01:17:38.640 and then I worked afternoons for a while and then finally I got put on days oh first I got

01:17:46.620 her an air conditioner I'm a hero I got somebody at work sold me one of those hotel motel air

01:17:53.420 conditioners so we plugged it into the front part of the house 10 minutes later it blew a switch

01:17:59.260 so I call this electrician and this guy drives up he's missing two teeth got a black eye front

01:18:06.540 window of his trucks busted out but we only had two circuits in that house and the only way we

01:18:12.300 could run the air conditioner was to plug it in the ceiling that would carry the load so your mom

01:18:17.840 had and the girls they had their two cool rooms and then i slept in a hot room and then we the

01:18:26.080 goal was let's get a nicer house so finally i was getting better money better overtime i was on days

01:18:31.500 and then that's when we got the house on utica and that was a nice house that was a great

01:18:36.420 neighborhood still is brick house when you were say you wanted to do stand-up at utica i'd say

01:18:42.160 there yeah yeah because first then my sister calls up and says i need to get out of the house

01:18:47.920 so we sort of adopted my younger sister well that but that was it um before she came out

01:18:57.280 you finally wanted to get out of the house but it wasn't stand up you decorated a um a window

01:19:03.520 dress window dresser yeah so there's a little like a quarter mile from our house there was a

01:19:08.800 window dressing and she was doing the window dressing and we'd walk down at night and she

01:19:13.160 would show me it was like art like when she painted the cabin yeah and i was so happy that

01:19:18.220 she was getting something to do for the art and get out of the house and the day that you were

01:19:22.800 out of diapers um i tore that pampers box up like a plaque and i pinned it up on the wall

01:19:29.380 because up until that point we'd had what four years constantly of diapers and that was to

01:19:35.500 signify the very last one yeah and then your mom lost uh what 100 pounds with having jake

01:19:42.380 and then that was when you started well first um you went to fashion bar and that was a

01:19:49.060 like a Newsteaders or fancy clothes you know I'm trying to think what's like that nowadays

01:19:56.760 Nordstrom yeah like a Nordstrom yeah and she met two girls there that were very 0.99

01:20:01.780 young and slender and sex in this city type so they started taking her out and that was

01:20:10.820 now another universal switch so she got out of the house I was threatened I was I'll admit 0.59

01:20:18.960 that i was still enough of a right wing pig well you know i just i wanted to support my wife but i

01:20:25.880 felt she should be home and cook yeah and then um her little sister came with us for a while and

01:20:32.840 then her older sister came out so once they were both in the house then again the universal change

01:20:41.200 and uh your mother started working at a bookstore yeah we talked down uh east colfax was it or west

01:20:49.160 east colfax and she was going there with beanie every day and getting involved i called it witch 0.97

01:20:54.920 titty yeah it was witch titty for sure uh very big lesbian all that stuff they were all lesbians 0.83

01:21:02.800 and it was all uh you became a radical uh yeah i became a radical feminist yeah so she's a radical 0.99

01:21:08.340 And that's how I started comedy, was really trying to make lesbian witches laugh, which was really hard. 0.85

01:21:15.420 No, you started at Basin's Up. 1.00

01:21:18.000 There was no comedy stores yet.

01:21:19.960 No, I was trying to make them laugh, and then I went to Basin's Up. 1.00

01:21:26.000 Yeah, Lanny Garrick, because she got you in the gay bars, or the lesbian bars. 0.99

01:21:30.180 But when your mom went to, there was no comedy works at that point. 0.83

01:21:33.640 They just rented a jazz club on Tuesday nights.

01:21:36.780 It was New Talent Night.

01:21:37.860 and we went we watched the comics and thought it was neat it was something we always wanted to do

01:21:43.440 we were going to be writers we were going to be john and yoko we were going to do this and that

01:21:48.320 and she wanted to do um new talent night so she did for probably two or three years and just

01:21:57.320 until the comedy works open she was too radical yeah so the owners of those clubs said you're

01:22:04.520 going to have to tone it down you're scaring them in yeah so that's where lanny garrett is

01:22:10.200 lanny garrett is this great singer still is in denver she kind of uh was the cabaret queen of

01:22:18.280 denver and she had this huge gay following so she got rosanne to open for at tracks and um

01:22:25.880 that was one of the big gay clubs and that scary one with the uh pool hall where me and hollis 0.96

01:22:32.800 were trying to practice our music but um your mom got her chops doing those lesbian bars where 0.99

01:22:43.220 she could do radical stuff because they they wouldn't accept it at the other clubs and if 1.00

01:22:46.760 you can make lesbians laugh that's really hard well you better yeah of course when i'd walk in 0.96

01:22:52.240 i just was felt like i'm a black guy sitting at a bus stop in mississippi you know sort of looking 0.98

01:22:58.940 around like that but uh do you think if i hadn't got famous we might still be married

01:23:04.600 uh probably yeah i think so too i mean because that really blew like fame and money just destroyed

01:23:12.520 our family didn't it yeah it was good in denver because after you did it a couple years and i was

01:23:17.900 writing uh material for lanny she hired me to write some jokes for her and i went and once i

01:23:24.820 saw her read my material on stage to like 500 people in the audience so while I was at the

01:23:30.800 post office I kept a pad and I just wrote down jokes either for me or your mom because I thought

01:23:36.700 come 1983 I wanted to try stand-up so she'd already been doing it two years yeah and for

01:23:43.300 this one year we had this thing where we were both working the comedy works uh Becker would

01:23:49.920 make the schedule for the week we'd see who was going to stay home with the kids

01:23:53.660 on the occasional nights that we could both go and be on stage not together but on the same show 0.99

01:24:00.120 we um got babysitters to come by we got this woman name i think her name was lou and she

01:24:06.920 always brought a 12 pack beer explains so much yeah she just carried this this big 12 pack

01:24:12.880 babysitters here hun i can't remember i can't remember her name but lou was it lou or something 0.71

01:24:18.900 something like that and it was just uh i thought you were pissed when i got when i got the tonight

01:24:27.420 show and you i called you to go i want to hear i got the tonight show you go oh where do you keep

01:24:33.560 the tide he was mad i no i wasn't mad it uh i've talked about the universe making changes and things

01:24:42.940 coming in and this was a big change yeah I remember this one yeah this was one that

01:24:49.880 it wasn't the the call where I was silent was she wanted to go to Washington DC to

01:25:00.920 enter this comedy tryout thing but in order to afford the ticket we had to buy an overnight

01:25:07.180 where you stay in LA you were going to connect forget that no I want to hear no I don't want

01:25:12.480 to hear it i want to hear why you were like that when i called you and said i got the tonight show

01:25:18.540 and you weren't happy for me or any i don't nobody in my family nobody in my family was happy for me

01:25:25.580 i think you remember that i think i remember saying well what are we going to do about the

01:25:30.100 kids in school no you didn't you go where did you put the tide and i remember my mom and dad were

01:25:37.860 and my sister and brother they weren't happy they were like oh okay nobody in my family was like

01:25:44.340 excited for me i think they were no they weren't no it was it was shock i mean so fast every comic

01:25:51.900 at the comedy store the improv nobody could believe you got on that quick i mean you had

01:25:57.840 the literal overnight success yeah i know all of these people nobody in my family including you

01:26:04.640 It was like, God, this is amazing.

01:26:09.840 Congratulate.

01:26:10.460 Nobody said anything.

01:26:11.440 I was afraid you might bomb.

01:26:14.440 You know, I thought I came out to get the kids.

01:26:17.320 You were going to do a Friday, so you had Beanie with you to help pick out clothes.

01:26:20.920 I drove out to pick up the kids because they had to be in school Monday in Denver.

01:26:26.100 So you did the show on a Friday, but you wanted me and the kids gone so we wouldn't make you nervous.

01:26:31.620 You were nervous about it.

01:26:32.780 and I drove them to Salt Lake that Friday night and we watched you with your folks and all the

01:26:40.440 neighbors came in the living room had 30 people in it but there was nobody that was mad that you

01:26:45.940 were doing that or wasn't I don't I'm sorry you thought that you weren't supported what I can say

01:26:52.540 for myself was I liked what we were doing in Denver I thought finally we got this John and

01:26:59.100 thing we can work the clubs you can go out and do little rock i don't i didn't ever see me being a

01:27:05.080 headliner i thought maybe i could be a feature but that we were finally doing the writing thing

01:27:11.240 together and i knew that i couldn't i would never be able to perform as a comic in la wasn't good

01:27:18.480 enough so i'm basically a little dirt track midget racer that small towns have stock cars

01:27:23.980 and she's the Indy 500 yeah like I'm going to drive a little stock car and get on that track

01:27:29.820 so no I was very happy for you I was in shock it's not that well I can see it now that I remember

01:27:41.100 yeah you had to drive from Denver and pick up the kids and go back yeah I was there that week

01:27:45.260 by Monday yeah I forgot that yeah I had to get them in school and then you did Letterman six

01:27:50.100 weeks later and you came out for thanksgiving and said we need to move to california and i said so

01:27:57.620 i need to give up i'm 10 years in for a government pension we've got health insurance we've got the

01:28:04.760 nice house nice neighborhood i like the kids school and we're jumping it's like db cooper

01:28:11.380 because you became such a huge success everybody thinks i'm nuts go you should be happier than 0.92

01:28:17.840 shit that she was a gazillionaire I didn't know that at the time I said you're going to need to 0.92

01:28:22.980 make $25,000 a year to match what I make at the post office and we had to decide no but I did 0.99

01:28:30.800 because Mitzi eventually yeah but not health insurance and not a pension right so to me

01:28:40.200 D.B. Cooper I'm jumping out the back of the plane did I land or not I don't know but I was jumping

01:28:46.460 into the darkness and then I could see that you were really gonna after the second and third

01:28:53.600 letterman first and second letterman and then I got to go to a tonight show with you I was in the

01:28:58.740 dressing room when Johnny came in so by that time you and I made the agreement that I would be the

01:29:05.300 house husband and stay with the kids and take him to school over at Gardner and we would just kind

01:29:10.920 to play it by ear because what you were making at the weekends at the store plus going to the dunes

01:29:17.960 once a month i think in in vegas that added up to 25 grand but without the perks right exactly

01:29:26.620 i forgot about that too yeah and then so you came out to pick the kids up for thanksgiving and

01:29:32.960 we took them out of the school that they were in in denver

01:29:37.000 uh you drove them and took away the car so i had to go out and buy another i kept buying these

01:29:43.600 ford ltd's i love them i had five of them so i got a 300 ford ltd with front end with shot

01:29:50.300 and i stayed behind to sell the house and you know get it listed you took the the kids and

01:29:58.060 you were staying in that uh apartment on laurel street and for like six weeks was it wasn't the

01:30:05.340 whole time you were able to get into genesee on january 1st so you called me and said hey i met

01:30:11.240 this guy named jim nasiri uh we're going to be able to get into a house and i said what's the

01:30:16.240 rent he says two thousand two grand a month or two twenty five hundred denver was six hundred 0.93

01:30:21.600 yeah holy shit four times and um those are the things until i always knew you were genius that 0.92

01:30:31.840 you were talented i just you say you knew as a kid you were going to be famous but i didn't i 0.97

01:30:39.340 didn't know if you were i mean anybody that says i'm going to be on the tonight show and be the

01:30:43.740 number one star in this country um i should have had more i didn't say that just just in your book

01:30:54.140 one of your books you and beanie since you were kids doing that i used to love the james brown

01:30:59.560 thing would throw the boat over i mean i hoped i let myself hope and i prayed for it and i worked

01:31:07.980 hard to get it yeah but i never knew but when the opportunity came i tried to make the best of it

01:31:15.020 you know oh yeah i mean opportunity just came it it had to and remember and again here's where

01:31:23.360 universe after universe after universe so she's doing the tonight show a couple of lettermans

01:31:28.860 that leads to an offer from hbo they're doing these uh comedy specials yeah my first special

01:31:35.300 and your mom at that time became my biggest champion she said anything i do bill's got to

01:31:41.060 be involved with it and i loved you for that for including me and respecting my my talent enough

01:31:47.340 and you me and rocco you see who did the richard pryor show we wrote a special for hbo it was

01:31:55.920 nominated for a comedy award and then it became fun once once I didn't have a checkbook that was

01:32:05.560 in the red then I wasn't worried anymore I could see that but the next big call after the HBO was 0.99

01:32:13.660 the Julio Iglesias thing that's when you had Herbie that's when it went to shit 0.67

01:32:18.440 It went weird because it was a great thing to introduce you to women all over the country. 0.92

01:32:27.580 Yeah, but it was 18 weeks for me to be away from my kids and you.

01:32:31.680 Yeah, it was 56 cities.

01:32:33.180 It was horrible. 1.00

01:32:34.700 It's the worst fucking thing I ever lived through. 0.99

01:32:35.960 Well, I flew out to New York and I stayed with you for a week. 0.99

01:32:38.700 Remember, we did New York, Long Island, Bridgetown, Connecticut.

01:32:44.120 I was on the bus with you.

01:32:45.600 I came too at some point.

01:32:46.400 And I rode with you until Cleveland.

01:32:49.700 You're going to do a show in Cleveland.

01:32:51.240 We went down to do your laundry.

01:32:53.300 We're staying in a hotel.

01:32:55.680 It's me and your mom doing laundry in a nickel thing.

01:32:58.500 And she'd been on TV like 10 times at that point. 1.00

01:33:00.740 The other woman in there knew it was her and just kept, she can't be in here doing laundry. 1.00

01:33:08.240 And then I would steam all your mom's clothes. 1.00

01:33:10.120 She had all these expensive clothes by that time.

01:33:12.180 We had a little portable steamer, so I would steam them for her show.

01:33:16.780 He did not.

01:33:18.980 So then I flew back.

01:33:20.180 You guys were, each summer we would send you to Weight Watchers Camp.

01:33:23.640 Yeah, thanks for that.

01:33:24.420 I got fat there, actually.

01:33:25.780 Well, I need some time, too.

01:33:27.080 Yeah, that's true.

01:33:27.780 So we did the HBO thing.

01:33:30.980 No, I was like the hottest guy there.

01:33:32.560 I was the only one not fat.

01:33:33.520 It was great.

01:33:34.100 Thank you for that.

01:33:34.740 And I had time.

01:33:35.540 I was going, and I knew I couldn't do stand-up in L.A.,

01:33:39.260 but I could do it in Boise, Little Rock, Denver.

01:33:43.660 Enjoyed it.

01:33:44.640 I wanted my chops.

01:33:46.580 But then when I realized that I could write as well as I could

01:33:49.720 and not have to go out on stage,

01:33:51.980 because I really, I had no stage presence.

01:33:54.560 I mean, I...

01:33:56.000 I never saw your stand-up.

01:33:58.040 No, well, I've got a tape somewhere about...

01:34:00.160 Well, I used to laugh because it was so improbable.

01:34:03.260 And the stuff you said in your act was...

01:34:05.760 Yeah, what was your best joke?

01:34:06.900 Give it to us now.

01:34:07.640 his jokes were way too

01:34:10.760 he was like Stephen Wright

01:34:12.460 yeah

01:34:13.380 he'd talk about 1.00

01:34:16.960 old women who put on 1.00

01:34:18.740 too much perfume 1.00

01:34:19.700 he'd say that when they ladled on

01:34:22.640 the perfume in the morning

01:34:24.000 you know he'd say like subtle things like that

01:34:26.940 with that deadpan look

01:34:29.200 because it actually

01:34:31.100 someone lit a cigarette and they

01:34:32.620 actually would catch on fire

01:34:34.800 and stuff like that

01:34:37.340 what yeah well anyway you did the the julio thing 56 cities four months was it four or five

01:34:43.800 but you got to come home for a little bit in fact we drove to the uh costa mesa show you and i in

01:34:50.120 our car you weren't on the bus there and um i mentioned denver for red rocks it's so weird

01:34:58.220 i'm standing behind and hulu is out doing a sound check place is half full already and hulu was out

01:35:03.800 there doing sound check and he looks and sees me goes husband husband he called me husband yeah he

01:35:10.240 was a wonderful guy yeah he was he was so i walk out he hugs me in front of like 5 000 women kisses 0.66

01:35:16.240 me on the cheek and they all go oh but your mom killed it was a good thing herbie did to get her

01:35:24.000 yeah face out there except for madison square garden which is another story 0.90

01:35:28.340 and you can save that but um i remember telling you well i went back there as the wicked witch

01:35:36.700 in odds and sold it out for three months you got your revenge yeah yeah but i was so proud of her

01:35:44.120 because nobody thought to think that the audience from madison square garden would all speak spanish

01:35:49.700 so she would have to do was it 18 or 20 minutes he goes you're doing 15 and don't walk off no

01:35:56.560 don't walk don't walk even if you have to stand there which i did and i stood backstage watching 1.00

01:36:02.560 and i just said that woman's got guts the whole time i'm glad i had one get off yeah like 30 0.98

01:36:10.160 seconds into it yeah it was horrible oh it was horrible and um then after that julia goes we got 0.94

01:36:24.480 We have three more cities, but they're largely Hispanic, so just go home. 1.00

01:36:30.120 He was nice and let me out. 1.00

01:36:31.480 And he let you use his limo, so we didn't have to stay for the whole show.

01:36:34.880 Yeah, he was so sweet.

01:36:35.480 We'd ride back to the hotel and get to stay at the Omni and have room service.

01:36:40.680 That's when I started digging it, you know.

01:36:42.920 But there's still more to come.

01:36:45.320 Your mom finishes the tour, and I still am doing the checkbook.

01:36:50.740 And I told your mom on the phone, you're paying 10% to your 5% business.

01:36:58.080 No, wait, 10% business manager, 5% attorney, 15% personal manager, 39% taxes.

01:37:06.940 We're keeping about 17 cents on the dollar.

01:37:10.900 And you flipped out and called up Herbie and read him the riot act.

01:37:14.700 And he got you the Pizza Hut commercial and the Ralph's commercial.

01:37:19.200 and those two things yeah bang there was the money to get into white oak yeah we finally had

01:37:24.720 enough to make enough money to put uh money down on a house moved to encino and um get in but while

01:37:32.380 we're still at uh the one in hollywood we knew you guys couldn't stay in you know in a regular

01:37:39.960 school anymore we tried in the valley but with her getting more and more famous it got hard you guys

01:37:46.060 were getting too much from from kids yeah but while we were sitting and um i'll always remember

01:37:53.340 this at genesee the phone rings and i pick it up and i go hello and she goes um is who's this and

01:38:02.520 i go it's bill pantland she goes uh my name's karen mandeback are you aware we've been trying

01:38:07.320 to give your wife a sitcom and they did cosby number one show in the country yeah different

01:38:12.580 world number two show yeah i ended chapter with handing the phone to your mom and say you better

01:38:20.020 take this call and then it just that's that's my dorothy hanging onto the bed with the house

01:38:26.720 spinning that would have been 88 88 yeah yeah so i was yeah i remember that was but we got

01:38:33.340 actually maybe so anyway she i don't know whether you fired herbie i know that my dad died somewhere

01:38:41.740 there so we had to factor that in uh you got with bernie brilstein for a little bit i think he did

01:38:48.560 your original contract with oh it's all a blur what you get this show and the rest is it no

01:38:56.060 it's an amazing story you guys yeah it is but but um that fame stuff it really does mess up

01:39:02.200 your family doesn't it yeah it does it really does did you read that page no i can't even see

01:39:08.940 it what does it say and into the mic read it what does it say into the mic don't be available on

01:39:15.640 amazon this is me as a clown i when i was 14 and 15 i was a magic clown the villain in this book is

01:39:24.520 fame if you're looking for sensationalism dirt on people you won't find it here overnight success

01:39:31.120 is the real monster, Bill Pentland, and that's my view of it.

01:39:36.360 Wasn't it, though?

01:39:37.420 Yes, I think so.

01:39:39.100 I mean, you don't even, I mean, when I, I mean, my view, of course, is different than yours,

01:39:45.420 but both of them are, both of our stories are, what's the word?

01:39:52.720 Unique.

01:39:53.460 Well, I mean, they're, what do you say when, they're different, but they're both valid.

01:39:59.100 but man it was a trip man it's just like still going on for me um yeah you know at that that

01:40:07.680 point after the first season then i went back to uh oh we did i don't want to particularly talk

01:40:16.420 about those years that was rough on both of us and we know what you're talking about and we know

01:40:20.200 why and i don't want to discuss that anymore but uh luckily at this point in our life with the

01:40:27.200 universe with the lives that we brought into this world because something told me to grab your thigh

01:40:33.300 i wasn't going to do it you had a scar you had a scar on your thigh yeah because that's when i got

01:40:38.680 hit by the car and they had to take all the skin off my leg and put it on the i thought it was cute 0.99

01:40:45.360 oh and just like an asshole i just reached across and i put my uh i put my hand on her bare thigh 0.98

01:40:52.180 which I normally wouldn't have done 0.99

01:40:54.080 and I don't, you know, Chad left

01:40:56.260 and

01:40:56.980 we got to humping and grubbing

01:41:00.260 that's for Indy 0.73

01:41:02.580 we was humping and grubbing

01:41:04.520 that's where my book is

01:41:06.200 four sections, it's hippies in Georgetown

01:41:08.460 it's Denver with the

01:41:10.200 post office 1.00

01:41:11.120 now we're older than fuck 0.99

01:41:13.160 let's bring it up to today 1.00

01:41:16.000 now we're older than fuck 1.00

01:41:17.820 what do you think of your son there 1.00

01:41:19.660 he's pretty cool isn't he

01:41:20.980 i'm proud of yeah you guys proud of all our kids did well i just want to say real quick

01:41:24.480 thank you for trying uh one of my favorite things about you guys's story is we'll skip the ugly

01:41:29.940 years that you just referenced but you guys had a divorce that like all divorces was not always

01:41:34.840 happy but afterwards years later you ended up becoming friends and dad actually worked for you

01:41:41.640 people always are blown by this and he remarried becky who we love and him and becky were you're

01:41:47.600 like i don't know what the job was personal assistant house project yeah becky was her

01:41:51.720 personal assistant i was a property manager yeah so this is after fame and yeah remarried i just

01:41:57.460 well we came back to you guys have always been that we liked each other and that we've been

01:42:01.840 there for the long haul yeah and plus you know they did good work but uh i just think that's

01:42:08.620 amazing then we went to hawaii too and uh we just and now you're both in texas coincidentally you

01:42:14.220 don't work yeah isn't that weird but you ended up in the same he yelled at me three years ago

01:42:17.760 from going so what are you doing moving to texas oh yeah when he left yeah oh yeah he hated it

01:42:22.900 and then um because we were out here because it's just uh circumstances um my wife becca fell

01:42:31.160 and is disabled so we were in a situation where we had to um you know just kind of wind things down

01:42:39.080 and now I'm a full-time caregiver

01:42:41.620 and we're just doing our thing.

01:42:43.620 Down the street.

01:42:44.320 Well, you're writing, right?

01:42:47.460 I have five stories

01:42:49.260 and I want to see what this does.

01:42:51.860 If I can get some movement with that,

01:42:55.080 which is what I wanted to plug.

01:42:56.600 Available on Amazon, folks.

01:42:58.380 No, no, I'm going to put the link

01:42:59.100 because this is actually,

01:43:00.280 I mean, the story you heard today is the book.

01:43:02.520 Yeah, I know.

01:43:02.860 It's actually a brilliant book.

01:43:04.040 I know I haven't read it yet,

01:43:04.820 but I can tell.

01:43:06.360 And it's about me, so.

01:43:08.040 it's about rosie but you'll see her in all her carnation incarnations yeah if you're a fan of

01:43:14.860 my mother's this is the this is us this man was with her that's our wedding day right there yeah

01:43:20.080 look at us on our wedding but no one really knows your story better than dad because you don't

01:43:23.840 remember a lot of it yeah i was with her this was our first house on jay street i couldn't believe

01:43:28.400 we could buy a house this is more your biography than yeah that cost 25 000 25 grand that's where

01:43:34.060 jake was born yeah yeah and then this is like you reminded me where my car rolled down the street

01:43:40.120 and up into these people's porch i forgot all about that that wandy remember wandy

01:43:45.100 and one of my ford ltds this is uh halloween and you were a witch or no you weren't you're

01:43:54.760 like a vampire lady yeah but i had the pictures broken down by category so this would be me at

01:44:03.540 the post office you don't know what it looked like in there you never came and then our house

01:44:08.840 in um on utica street well you're not showing the camera so forget it doesn't matter the point is

01:44:15.480 fame is the enemy of the book but which is an interesting perspective for people that

01:44:20.100 obviously our audience that's what i want people to know it's an interest it's a great story i mean

01:44:25.360 it's an interesting story absolutely it's hard to stand it is a whirlwind and it is a tornado

01:44:30.820 You know, absolutely.

01:44:31.500 Especially your rise to fame.

01:44:33.000 You lose your grounding.

01:44:33.880 I was like Dorothy.

01:44:36.640 100%.

01:44:37.040 Yeah.

01:44:37.660 Because a lot of other people's rise to fame, like, you know,

01:44:39.760 the actors, they're like small theater groups.

01:44:42.740 I don't mean this as an insult, but like plucked from obscurity.

01:44:46.120 You're a housewife and dad's working in the post office.

01:44:48.460 And in a matter of years, and two or three,

01:44:52.040 I don't know how long from when you started till you had the number one show.

01:44:55.320 It was actually closer to nine years, but it still looks like overnight.

01:44:57.420 But I mean from fame.

01:44:58.260 Yeah.

01:44:58.480 It is.

01:44:59.080 When you were talking about hanging on air conditioning from the ceiling in a trailer on fire to where you're on Letterman and Carson, it wasn't that long.

01:45:07.540 It was nine years.

01:45:08.900 No, but there's even probably a three-year…

01:45:10.360 It's still what people call overnight success.

01:45:12.120 100%.

01:45:12.600 No, there's no other story like it.

01:45:14.800 It was four and a half years of stand-up.

01:45:18.140 Yeah.

01:45:18.620 But nobody, four and a half years of stand-up, becomes famous.

01:45:21.480 Not even today.

01:45:22.200 Even with Kill Tony, they might start booking, but they're not doing tours.

01:45:26.460 They're not having a TV show.

01:45:27.600 It was a different time.

01:45:29.080 well it was i i went to la and the next day i had shows that's what i'm saying yeah no you're

01:45:36.040 still everyone knows i mean we've done it in podcasts it's an amazing story talk about the

01:45:40.240 universe it took all the headliners that would come through the comedy works would always hey

01:45:46.280 you need to go out to la you've got to go out to la so it's funny how it turns out after all that

01:45:52.840 that the blowback of it yeah the i've lived through the blowback yeah we were starting

01:45:58.760 first we had like the headliners of the comedy works we had sinbad come over for dinner that

01:46:04.640 night remember and then ollie joe prater where he ate spaghetti by holding the plate up and 0.92

01:46:10.620 scraping it in can you believe what a fat pig he was tomato sauce all over his beard so but 0.60

01:46:19.060 it's been a trip i you guys really think you do you think you asked him do you think you'd still 0.88

01:46:25.420 be married if you didn't get famous yeah we'd probably still be married but um i don't know

01:46:32.240 where what we would have done with it well i would have had a nice bulletproof government pension

01:46:38.740 yeah but none of the other stuff so it's you'd probably be dead because i probably would have 0.80

01:46:44.200 killed you yeah i remember you threw the dresser at him we talked yeah i was getting increasingly 0.95

01:46:47.700 violent as it was going on i think after my sisters moved in my increasing you know i mean 0.82

01:46:56.400 well when being you know my mental condition did deteriorate yeah and if i didn't have stand-up i

01:47:03.920 don't know if i would have gone to a tower with a rifle or what i mean my deteriorating mental

01:47:10.180 that was a real problem for me that i worked on for 15 years i don't talk about it a lot

01:47:15.360 but um you know i my mental health severely deteriorated yeah and of course i

01:47:22.600 think of my second husband as part of that but i really truly deteriorated under the stress

01:47:32.280 of fame and that first year it was terrible and i was with i probably would prefer to

01:47:40.360 have stayed in poverty than the two have gone through i remember you and me in your dressing

01:47:46.120 room when uh abc called and they threatened they said we're going to send you back to the trailer

01:47:50.360 park do you remember that yeah it was the abc lawyer that was the first show yeah i think it

01:47:56.660 was the third episode it was getting in there we had um we had to get for because our mentor when

01:48:04.960 we went to the uh improv every night was byron allen and he told us he said don't shake anything

01:48:12.840 up until the show's on the air once your face is on it it doesn't matter who's writing it yeah he

01:48:18.680 didn't know that so he said keep your mouth shut for four weeks so now he's a multi-billionaire

01:48:23.760 guys a genius yeah i guess he knows what he's doing he's on tv he just got the late night show

01:48:29.000 he's taking over for colbert right or something yeah yeah but he's real nice i mean he gave us

01:48:33.180 great advice. And I did keep my mouth shut

01:48:37.060 until it was number one. And then when the time came

01:48:41.140 okay let's start cleaning the house. Then it got broke into two

01:48:45.080 camps. Are we over? No I was going to say do you remember this letter?

01:48:49.380 It's my favorite thing.

01:48:53.500 That'll remember it.

01:49:01.060 Oh yes I remember this well.

01:49:03.180 Who I'm going to fire when the show goes to number one.

01:49:06.180 And you hung that outside your dressing room.

01:49:08.000 Yes, I did.

01:49:08.780 And the next year, they were all gone, including the head network president.

01:49:14.440 And it started when it broke into two camps.

01:49:19.700 There was the soundstage, which was all us on Roseanne's team.

01:49:25.200 And then building two, I think it was called, where all the riders were.

01:49:29.600 and there was no communication

01:49:31.480 except for this one great guy that had

01:49:33.700 the gift of being able

01:49:35.640 to go back and forth with

01:49:36.980 notes and he'd just bring them back

01:49:39.900 and he was the one that

01:49:41.420 tipped us off

01:49:43.580 that they were taping you

01:49:45.060 you know I'm talking to your mother quietly

01:49:47.540 we think on a sound stage hey we gotta do

01:49:49.760 get a note in my

01:49:51.680 hand and the mic above you is live 0.99

01:49:53.860 holy shit 0.98

01:49:54.620 do you remember that? 0.98

01:49:57.400 and they were keeping records

01:49:59.520 of how many times I farted and burped.

01:50:01.780 Yeah, they were building up a thing.

01:50:03.820 What was the farting and burping build up? 0.99

01:50:05.380 To show that I was a disgusting hog. 0.99

01:50:08.100 Oh, well. 0.99

01:50:08.900 They tried to insumidate.

01:50:11.720 Did they really need to log any of that?

01:50:13.760 I'm just kidding.

01:50:14.540 Yeah.

01:50:15.520 They were trying to get me kicked off the show I created.

01:50:18.080 Did I draw that devil?

01:50:19.360 Yeah, you drew that.

01:50:20.220 Oh, yeah, Little Hot Stuff.

01:50:21.860 Yep.

01:50:23.000 You drew it.

01:50:23.580 Leave me alone. 1.00

01:50:24.500 We call her Little Hot Stuff.

01:50:26.240 That's my artwork on there.

01:50:28.120 I didn't know that.

01:50:28.960 that makes it even more amazing yeah because you were in the first season

01:50:32.700 but they finally won they finally took my show from me yeah this um they got it

01:50:39.500 i didn't know if we would discuss this to well we have very differing political views but yeah

01:50:47.200 i wanted to ask you what you thought of that from your vantage point you were 0.99

01:50:51.080 kangaroo court what do you call it uh it was bullshit yeah to call you a racist is to call 0.97

01:50:58.700 me a racist call our children so i so i i couldn't i knew what you i mean i've been reading your 0.98

01:51:07.040 twitters for the last couple years and i thought well we're you know on different sides i'll take

01:51:13.120 care of the the properties and the cars and the license plates and the oil changes i'll do what

01:51:19.900 i did as a husband you can go on twitter i didn't want to do social media at that time

01:51:25.200 and then when that first thing happened i thought that's just one of her

01:51:29.680 you know she's talking what's the actress's name that was in the

01:51:35.240 remake of helena bonham carter yeah yeah that's who she's talking about yeah i

01:51:41.260 knew that the minute i saw it so i didn't think twice i didn't either and

01:51:44.400 then you call me and said did you look at twitter and then you told

01:51:48.980 me they canceled it uh fired your mom and i thought

01:51:52.040 no 1.00

01:51:53.420 just have her go visit 1.00

01:51:55.460 Aunt Rhoda for three months 1.00

01:51:57.920 let her blow over

01:51:58.980 but those ten episodes were already in I thought

01:52:02.060 but when they killed 0.66

01:52:03.860 Roseanne Connor 1.00

01:52:05.160 I thought of just killing your mom 1.00

01:52:08.160 I thought you don't even leave 1.00

01:52:10.040 the opportunity 0.98

01:52:11.580 for her to come back

01:52:13.720 and 0.62

01:52:15.080 it's like a lynch mob

01:52:18.600 is the way I think 0.67

01:52:19.860 it was a lynching, it was a witch burning 1.00

01:52:22.200 Yeah, a witch hut. 0.99

01:52:23.640 They got the show. 0.99

01:52:24.360 They wanted the show the whole time.

01:52:25.860 I think that's...

01:52:26.620 Well, I'm surprised, really surprised.

01:52:28.740 I never did watch the Connors.

01:52:30.460 I don't know what it looked like,

01:52:31.660 but I was surprised that, I guess,

01:52:35.680 everybody has changed so much now with streaming content.

01:52:40.040 Back then in 88, 89,

01:52:42.960 only three or four networks and the tabloids,

01:52:47.160 they were competing with each other so they could... 0.99

01:52:49.660 You could, a lot of the shit that your mom and I went through was created by people. 0.99

01:52:56.740 To push a story. 1.00

01:52:58.300 Tabloid writers. 1.00

01:52:59.320 Yeah.

01:52:59.860 Yep. 1.00

01:53:00.360 They made shit up. 1.00

01:53:02.000 Yeah, they made shit up. 0.99

01:53:03.100 And it wasn't until years later when you and I began talking again that I found out why you had divorced me. 0.98

01:53:10.200 I said, that never happened.

01:53:11.580 You know, it was just.

01:53:12.860 What was that?

01:53:13.840 Just all lies.

01:53:14.960 The apple butter.

01:53:16.400 Oh, that I was going to get some hoochie-coochie, you know, and run off.

01:53:20.360 And these were rumors that were created by certain individuals.

01:53:29.900 Understood.

01:53:31.580 Yeah, we got hoodwinked and bamboozled. 0.86

01:53:34.600 Well, you can still get married.

01:53:36.040 It's not too late.

01:53:36.600 Well, he is married. 0.99

01:53:38.680 And anyway, to get married is the worst fucking thought in the world for me. 0.99

01:53:42.260 Texas, I think you can do. 0.99

01:53:43.340 I think you can do multiple things.

01:53:44.160 I'm not ever getting married again.

01:53:46.240 Well, you guys are still married the way I see it.

01:53:47.740 Yeah, 55 years is enough.

01:53:50.560 It's the perfect marriage now because we don't have to have sex,

01:53:54.020 which is so great for me.

01:53:55.520 Well, he's on the thing anyway.

01:53:56.800 He can't.

01:53:57.200 Well, he said he's going to start.

01:53:59.380 Did you want to talk about, because you had prostate cancer.

01:54:02.860 Yeah, that's why you're smoking.

01:54:04.760 Yeah, I have health problems.

01:54:06.200 That's why I'm in a hurry to get this written.

01:54:08.220 Oh, okay.

01:54:09.000 And why the cigarettes made my voice go away.

01:54:11.560 I'm sorry.

01:54:12.620 It's just prostate cancer.

01:54:14.160 he can breathe cigarettes it's not gonna make it worse no I'm I'm doing we're

01:54:20.040 plugging along I mean it's tough right now yeah that's just old age one thing

01:54:25.020 it would obviously help you to sell copies of this book but we don't need 0.91

01:54:28.380 to even do that to sell the books fucking great the way you're a great

01:54:31.560 writer bill you are gonna want I'm glad you finally got the long view of all 0.90

01:54:37.680 those years I need to do that too yeah I'm very proud of it I was surprised how

01:54:42.660 many people were as supportive or complimentary of it as they were i just wanted to get it done

01:54:49.760 well what i like about it to step in and interrupt is it's about the truest story of my life i've ever

01:54:58.220 heard about i and i didn't even remember half of it since i was that's why i said this is more

01:55:03.980 your biography insane than the one you wrote it is more my life than the ones i wrote because i

01:55:09.920 i could be i wrote them in allegorical way but i remember a lot now and i'm like oh my god no

01:55:18.780 wonder i was only a year out of the uh of a year in the mental institution which i told you

01:55:26.260 now looking back i see that i had a uh a chronic and debilitating head injury from the

01:55:33.900 car accident and like a lot of athletes that causes mental damage yes tbi and what's it called

01:55:42.260 tbi traumatic brain injury and it's all yeah a traumatic brain injury and i i always thought

01:55:49.000 i was just uh i knew i was weird yeah but you know i would have like memory lapses memory gaps

01:55:56.980 but you know i guess it's pretty average for people who have a traumatic brain injury punch

01:56:02.420 drunk that's the old that's punch drunk comes from boxers used to have it yeah that's all all

01:56:06.240 that science comes out so it explains a lot to me about why i don't remember parts of my life but

01:56:11.640 i'm glad you wrote about my life and our life together and you know how we got these three

01:56:18.040 and it's really four because you had brandy you know brandy came back when she was 18 and she's

01:56:24.900 been in your life yeah i consider her a daughter yeah and buck is a son too although i don't see

01:56:30.040 him as much him and i lived together a year at the museum yeah i would say well his senior year

01:56:36.240 at uh what hpa yeah in hawaii so yeah i was the uh dorm master and he stayed with all his friends

01:56:43.820 on the way i remember when buck was little he goes so bill is he's he's not my dad i go no he's not

01:56:51.360 your dad he goes so he's my uncle i go no he's not your uncle he's jake's dad he goes he's jake's

01:56:58.420 dad so he's my cousin

01:57:00.400 I've just tried to

01:57:02.400 figure it out

01:57:03.240 and he works for you? He's

01:57:06.040 living in the house? And he's what?

01:57:08.240 Yeah

01:57:08.520 we were never

01:57:10.840 been a normal situation

01:57:14.040 my life before I

01:57:16.280 met her was not

01:57:18.240 a normal situation

01:57:19.320 that's just

01:57:22.160 a strange tornado I got

01:57:24.260 swept up into

01:57:25.300 well I think everybody's going to really enjoy

01:57:27.920 reading your book like i say you're a wonderful writer and i always admired your writing and uh

01:57:34.700 thank you for writing it absolutely and thanks for the kids yeah thank you for the kids too

01:57:40.340 no you're welcome this is when i hear this story i'm like this is about jake pentland

01:57:44.480 huh this is the story of jake pentland's origin story yeah and our other two kids that we created

01:57:50.340 that have the one thing i told our kids i said you know i have to tell you something i didn't

01:57:55.700 know this at the time but your dad's a reptilian and i didn't know it then but am i a reptilian 0.73

01:58:03.340 yeah because you have the you got the royal blood because you're like of the royal family blood 0.67

01:58:10.280 princess diana blood oh yeah she wasn't royal blood though she married in so i think we're okay

01:58:16.620 okay oh you could still be a reptile yeah she was like a regular person that

01:58:20.480 royal she was somehow related to my mom i still got that whole yeah no we are related book in my

01:58:26.180 house it's got you guys's uh stuff all the way back to 12th century yeah i have it that was my

01:58:32.400 always joke uh my writing joke because uh your mother before she did all our genealogy and she

01:58:36.840 said grandma said you're 4,999 in line for the throne of england and then when princess diana

01:58:43.540 i died i went 4,998 getting there moving up but anyway no uh this book is self-published for those

01:58:51.900 you know he this is he put his own dime his own sweat so help a guy out it's available on amazon

01:58:57.840 and you'll enjoy it especially my my fans who have any positive i wanted roseanne's fans especially 0.91

01:59:06.140 the ones that fell for this bullshit racist kind i want them to know who she really is you know this 0.99

01:59:12.040 was uh i would know better than anybody other than maybe uh her sister but i've known her her 0.99

01:59:19.260 whole life and we went through entire rocket ride up to the first season of the show so

01:59:25.380 i know what all that is i lived it so i can i can write about and i'm cursed with a good memory

01:59:32.520 yeah you're the only one in the family that remembers anything i always tell dad to ask

01:59:37.740 I say it's time for me to go to the bathroom.

01:59:40.540 Yep, and me too.

01:59:41.080 That was amazing.

01:59:41.700 Thank you very much.

01:59:42.680 Will you come back?

01:59:42.960 You'll have to come back.

01:59:44.040 Yeah, I can go back.

01:59:44.740 Because we didn't even go into so much of it.

01:59:47.680 There's hundreds.

01:59:48.820 We're still kind of just in different. 0.94

01:59:49.820 We didn't even go into the ghosts and the trains and the weird shit we went through.

01:59:55.040 If the book sells, he'll come back.

01:59:56.660 So buy the book if you want to see more. 1.00

01:59:57.660 If not, fuck off. 1.00

01:59:59.080 If not, he'll never talk to us again. 1.00

02:00:01.380 I'll come back anytime because I like to talk about myself.

02:00:06.420 Yeah.

02:00:06.640 Just like me.

02:00:07.340 That's probably why you guys fell in love that day when he reached on your phone.

02:00:09.720 It probably is.

02:00:10.220 But he doesn't remember nothing I ever said.

02:00:12.140 I just got to say one last thing.

02:00:13.060 I don't remember nothing he said either.

02:00:14.960 How about the fact?

02:00:15.600 Except for when he'd say, yes, dear.

02:00:17.380 He started doing that probably by the third year of our marriage.

02:00:20.760 He'd just say, yes, dear.

02:00:23.200 I forgot what name I used to have.

02:00:27.800 It was some royal name.

02:00:29.000 I can't remember what it was.

02:00:31.080 Yes, my leisure, but that's a guy.

02:00:33.420 my favorite is that you are mentally just out of the nut house chunky shows up and he's like

02:00:39.880 i gotta have a piece of that like what does that say about you that's the real well i was charming 1.00

02:00:45.800 as fuck the fuck are you talking about i know but if a fat girl that just got out of a mental 1.00

02:00:50.480 hospital is not like you you don't move in on your friend's girl when it's a fat girl from a 1.00

02:00:54.520 mental hospital well he was smart all right well there you go she wasn't that fat oh her name was

02:01:00.040 chunky well because i that was salt lake with well that i was given that name in the mental

02:01:05.820 institution yeah uh linda called her initially chunky calling your friends up i met a girl her

02:01:14.000 name is chunky she just got out of the mental hospital you gotta meet her she's very charming

02:01:18.580 all right love you guys

02:01:19.860 oh you see

02:01:21.380 my patience is growing thin

02:01:26.460 With this synthetic world

02:01:34.540 We're living in

The Roseanne Barr Podcast - July 31, 2026

My Baby Daddy ｜ The Roseanne Barr Podcast #145

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