Vibrator Burns with Shannon Hughey | The Roseanne Barr Podcast #078
Episode Stats
Length
1 hour and 47 minutes
Words per Minute
174.14832
Hate Speech Sentences
101
Summary
Shannon Huey is my best friend of 27 years. She is also the only decent human being I ever met in Hollywood besides Donald Trump and a couple others fondly named Phyllis Diller and Rodney Dangerfield. We talk about how we met, how we became best friends, and what it's like being best friends with Roseanne.
Transcript
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Greetings, Earthlings and human beings and Nephilim. What's the other one, Jake? Nephilim and the-
00:01:15.820
What are the other ones, the Illuminatis, any of you naughty Illuminatis.
00:01:21.620
And especially animals who are far smarter than any of the above because animals don't bullshit themselves.
00:01:31.700
We've got a great show today because it's a, we have a return guest who is my best friend of, is it 26 years?
00:01:52.640
The only decent human being I ever met in Hollywood besides Donald Trump and, you know, a couple others fondly, most of them dead.
00:02:04.720
Phyllis Diller and Rodney Dangerfield and Sue Mengers, some of my favorites.
00:02:17.020
Anyway, here we are, and I don't even know what I was talking about.
00:02:23.460
I'm introducing my best friend and return guest as well as my hair, makeup doer and-
00:02:41.260
Oh, your show, the show we did together was so popular.
00:02:48.340
But, you know, I just have to tell you, you know, everyone tells me that I shoot from the hip and spout out crazy shit all the time.
00:02:55.840
So, taking that into note, I, who spout out crazy shit all the time, I'm telling you, Shannon Huey, you, you really spout out crazy shit all the time.
00:03:10.280
So, that's why part of why we're friends, I think, huh?
00:03:15.300
And can I just say, people always ask me, what is it like being besties with Roseanne Barr?
00:03:34.260
And I say, you know, look at that show, which I had never seen.
00:04:15.620
And then I thought, I probably have nothing in common with her.
00:04:19.760
And then when I met you, and then over the years, I have everything in common with you.
00:04:44.440
You guys talked about that in the last episode.
00:04:54.640
I was telling these guys, Jake and Hannah, I said, you are a changed woman.
00:05:07.480
You dumped like 180 pounds of old boyfriend stuff.
00:05:20.840
And you've just been working on yourself and getting close to God.
00:05:25.500
And I just see this whole, you have a lightness.
00:05:29.020
You have the depression, the heaviness, the darkness, like the fear.
00:05:42.300
You were always sort of a fearless person, weren't you?
00:05:49.980
But I always had to try and trust in God because I told you, fear is the devil.
00:05:57.540
And so if you believe in God, then you will always have the trust that you are taken care
00:06:04.220
If you have fear, that's the devil and your ego creeping in.
00:06:08.700
And your ego is like, no, don't listen to your gut, which is God.
00:06:24.400
No, because I had about 50 intuitions all going off at the same time.
00:06:47.060
Okay, back to everyone asked me what it's like being besties with you.
00:07:00.200
Like there's nothing like when I can make you laugh because, you know, you're a major
00:07:07.300
And when I can make you laugh from the belly laugh, I'm like, oh, my God, I'm loving this
00:07:14.700
Because and then everyone always says to me, you're so funny.
00:07:17.780
And I said, well, think of yourself and your environment.
00:07:21.240
If you're a little fish in an aquarium, you only grow this big.
00:07:24.780
If you're out in the sea, you're a fish and you grow really big.
00:07:27.920
My environment has been 27 years with a major comedian who's hilarious.
00:07:34.140
So I'm like this, thinking fast and like, I can make funny stuff.
00:07:39.980
Yeah, you beat me more than once in a good frigging zapper.
00:07:48.680
I mean, some people, I mean, they try, but I'll give them some time because I'm like
00:07:54.460
No, I'm more like Muhammad Ali because I'm like, yeah, I'm going to, I'm going to rope
00:08:03.800
I'll give them four and then I'll come in with the fucking knockout punch and they don't
00:08:10.360
So I love to do that thing with comics that we do, you know, to feel each other out, to
00:08:27.200
Should you tell everyone the real, it's not your ketamine and the self-care.
00:08:30.960
It's actually, she's been sleeping really good.
00:08:36.220
Shannon's thinking of getting it and I said, you should.
00:08:40.440
And John would probably prefer you get it so you go to sleep and are quiet for a little
00:08:46.780
No, I want to talk about the husband situation in a minute.
00:08:55.460
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Like the other day in the car, singing the Supremes.
00:10:49.820
People don't even know about the Supremes anymore, do they?
00:10:56.540
I did tell her because she always starts fucking yammering.
00:11:00.040
And I'm like trying to read the fucking math, which I don't even understand.
00:11:11.820
And then, so I'm just trying to see where I am.
00:11:19.480
I go, can you not talk about driving when I'm fucking driving?
00:11:45.140
You know what I hate is like, I'll be in a middle lane to turn left and it tells you
00:12:01.360
It depends on the car, but Google, Apple Maps is driving people into the lake.
00:12:05.800
It drove me up Mulholland Mountain by Bell Canyon when I was trying to get to a store in Beverly
00:12:18.180
As long as you're not being driven into a lake, that's my favorite story.
00:12:22.660
It drove someone, it took someone into the middle of a lake.
00:12:38.900
When we lived in the marina, someone drove off the marina thing.
00:12:49.200
If you keep going, you would land in the water.
00:12:52.640
Because they were like drunk and driving crazy and probably getting a blowjob.
00:13:13.100
Well, first, I wanted to say, well, you were doing makeup and hair in the porn industry
00:13:23.360
And so, you went from hardcore porn, like, seeing people do crazy things.
00:13:29.560
Like you said, one girl came and sat on another girl's head when he was trying to do her makeup.
00:13:46.520
You said when Sylvester Stallone came to watch the porn.
00:14:06.620
Who's the one that always used to come to the porn site?
00:14:23.780
But it was celebrities would come by and want to see, like Jenna Jameson or, you know.
00:14:30.420
You know, they want to see, and they want to see, you know, hot chicks having sex.
00:14:48.160
I just read, like, barely any women really have an orgasm from natural sex.
00:15:17.200
I've been using a vibrator since I was, like, 19.
00:15:20.180
I remember you had that one that plugged into the wall that your one boyfriend-
00:15:37.300
Remember when I got on the Prozac and I could never have a release, we'll call it?
00:16:07.860
That was better than the Ambien story, actually.
00:16:18.840
Didn't you pray to God, God, help if there are any fat Jewish women out there who can
00:16:32.720
A piece of paper blew up on my leg, blew up under my dress.
00:16:36.740
On, of all places, in front of the man Chinese theater iconic where Marilyn Monroe's footprints
00:16:46.640
Not to be annoying, but we told the story in the last episode.
00:16:55.860
And so, it said, you know, come meet Roseanne Barr in an informal gathering of her talk show.
00:17:21.780
Nor can I stand to be chatted at by hairdressers.
00:17:26.400
And you had one hair person, one makeup person, and you wanted someone to do both.
00:17:31.420
Because I don't want to listen to their fucking horrible world story or worldview while they're
00:17:37.240
touching me for fucking sticking shit in my eyes and up my nose and yanking on my roots.
00:17:43.660
Can I just say that just now, I was taking a little nap and she goes,
00:18:00.280
I have to say, on our special project, we're not allowed to talk about that we shot yesterday.
00:18:12.420
And you used to do my hair and makeup in there, right?
00:18:44.840
And he would come over and whisper in my ear, I bet you have a wet pussy.
00:19:12.680
Yeah, they would have fired you and quieted you out.
00:19:22.200
And he just kept saying all these lewd comments in my ear.
00:19:27.700
Like just, you know, he'd bend down and whisper in my ear all this stuff.
00:19:45.640
And I remember we were walking back to your compound, the trailer, on the CBS slot.
00:19:56.120
And then you said to him, blankety blank, if you talk like that anymore to her, you're out.
00:20:12.660
And then he got with your now ex-husband and said, you know, I've got to get her out of here.
00:20:29.460
And she was after me, too, because she wanted to be your best friend.
00:20:34.740
And, like, she goes, I'm from Michigan, and we should hang out.
00:20:39.420
And she kept hanging out with me, befriending me.
00:20:41.760
And you should get Roseanne, because we could all be friends, and we could all hang out.
00:21:02.300
And then she's like, let's go see, you know, this person in concert and blah, blah, blah.
00:21:15.360
She called with your publicist at the time, the redhead.
00:21:24.620
And they both were on the phone trying to get me to talk smack about you saying stuff and trying to...
00:21:33.780
And then that girl, the publicist, told me that that happened.
00:21:40.320
So then, like, I remember we did the Tower Records show where you performed.
00:21:49.580
Tower Records hasn't been there in a long time on Sunset Boulevard.
00:21:52.860
And she hired, behind my back, hired Janet Jackson's makeup artist and someone else's hair person.
00:22:03.680
And then I get in there and they're doing her hair and makeup.
00:22:28.100
And so then, at the Tower Records thing, I just...
00:22:55.840
But she told her, Roseanne said, you go fuck yourself.
00:22:59.740
And then I saw her go on David Letterman and said, Roseanne is a pig and so rude.
00:23:30.960
Okay, Isabella Rossellini, Roseanne admires you.
00:23:43.460
And she's Scorpio, which they're very similar, but they have the stinger.
00:23:56.820
You can only go so far with a cancer, and then you're going to go off.
00:24:13.460
Um, I lost it on her, and I poked her in the chest, and I go, you're a fucking bitch.
00:24:24.920
And I kept pointing in her chest, and I just lost it.
00:24:41.800
And she told him, I, um, accosted her and assaulted her, and they were going to get me
00:24:49.640
on charges, because I did, like, really point into her chest, like, I was going to fucking
00:24:58.200
I remember I was with my friend Ellie Corino at Barney's Greengrass, having lunch, like,
00:25:06.200
And he called, and he goes, this isn't the Shannon Show, this is the Roseanne Show, and
00:25:13.620
you're fired, and you're out, and, you know, you accosted one of our people, and you are
00:25:55.200
The holidays are here, which means it's six seasons, sinus infections, strep throats, upper
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00:28:11.340
So, Maya, you got some big projects coming up we can't talk about.
00:28:30.580
I think you look better than ever, but you did tell me.
00:28:32.720
Well, I want to, you know, when I put on my, what's that?
00:28:47.980
The thing that everybody does for weight loss, let's all be honest.
00:28:51.080
Well, Skims herself, Kim, she takes some weight loss help.
00:28:58.940
So, what if you grow a third arm out of your head?
00:29:02.520
Well, what you're talking about are GLP-1s, which is the drug that's in Ozempic and all
00:29:13.940
Hers is a company on Hymns that does the boner pills and stuff.
00:29:28.140
It's as little as like $200 a month and you can actually get the Ozempic, or it's not
00:29:32.160
Ozempic, but you can get the GLP-1 shot delivered to your house.
00:29:37.180
You don't just order the pills and they come or the shots.
00:29:38.980
But let's say you get approved, you can actually start doing these injections for as little
00:29:43.520
as $200 a month through hers, and it's all the rage.
00:29:47.500
Everyone loses weight, and you're going to have a doctor here that sets you up so you're
00:29:51.860
not worried about the third arm growing out of your head because, like anything, as long
00:29:59.340
I've had so many friends do it, and they feel great.
00:30:10.280
I was always afraid if she lost weight, her head would look way too big for her body.
00:30:14.740
But her head was looking good on her body, and she was shapely and hot-looking, wasn't
00:30:22.340
In all the old days, these GLP-1s, these were only available to celebrities and rich people.
00:30:26.800
She did it, actually, because she had diabetes.
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00:31:09.980
But, oh, my God, I hope I make it because I really, you know, I'm a shopaholic.
00:31:17.040
And if I could go down to a size 10, oh, my God, I would spend all my money on getting the cutest clothes that I've ever been to wear them in my new project.
00:31:39.160
I'm just saying you could get to your goal pretty quickly, right?
00:31:44.560
Here's the other thing is, you know, when you're-
00:31:47.560
But if I could get to a 10, I could wear like any, I could go shop anywhere except for in like Japan because I think they do fake sizes of the Japanese.
00:32:12.980
We were at the Coliseum in Rome and she tried to buy a shirt.
00:32:15.340
And there was an Asian selling shirts and we went up there and I said, in Rome.
00:32:33.340
I go, do you have XL for t-shirts about the Coliseum?
00:32:41.160
We got A, we got A, we got S, we got S, we got S, S, and then he looks at Jackie.
00:32:55.480
Then we found her later on the cruise ship just eating ice cream at three in the morning.
00:33:19.920
He danced with the gays too, but then he walked up at night on the deck, which somebody
00:33:34.000
Do you want me to break this down what this is?
00:33:38.940
Eiffel Tower is two guys standing and then, or it's also known as a spit roast.
00:33:43.620
Oh, the one's the oral and the other one's the back end.
00:33:47.120
And then to complete the Eiffel Tower, the two guys standing will hold hands.
00:33:58.020
So you have to understand, I looked up and it was just black.
00:34:06.060
I was traumatized the minute we got on that boat because I was the only heterosexual guy.
00:34:09.520
And this, I was younger and had hair and I looked good then.
00:34:12.600
Yeah, they was all thinking he was hot and hot stuff.
00:34:15.860
I was there with my gay uncles and someone went up to him and said, can we borrow your
00:34:32.460
But by the end of that fucking cruise, I was homophobic.
00:34:38.260
And I'll tell the story and then I'll back off.
00:34:41.080
I just went to my room, but I went to mom's room because she was the star of the boat.
00:34:46.580
And I was like, man, I can't take it before I go.
00:34:48.520
It was like what it was like to be a hot chick, I imagine.
00:34:50.940
Just guys leering and never experienced that before.
00:34:53.320
So I came to mom and I was like, I just got to get out.
00:34:57.280
She's like, just go look at the Mediterranean and relax.
00:35:04.540
And I looked up and a guy and his boyfriend were on their balcony.
00:35:08.860
Gay people don't love make from what I can see.
00:35:17.020
Oh, he had both his ears and he was just throating them.
00:35:22.180
And I got horrified and I was like, go inside, go inside before they see.
00:35:27.560
And the guy on the bottom, getting throat pounded, made eye contact with me.
00:35:40.840
No, I remember seeing top, bottom, on the doors.
00:36:00.320
I thought you were just going to be right out of the-
00:36:07.820
Now, back in the day, I was going to say, you were always the single gal and I was always
00:36:24.860
Well, I didn't know you with Tom, but I did know Bill and Becky, your ex, Jake's dad.
00:36:32.940
And that's interesting because that was my dad, who was her first husband, and then they
00:36:36.820
didn't talk for a while, and then he came back to work for her.
00:36:39.500
So, you knew him when he was like her assistant.
00:37:03.420
Out of respect, I did not text dad after the election, except to talk about the Broncos
00:37:17.240
But, you know, I want to or wanted to, but then I was like, man, their whole thing just
00:37:26.600
I was the same with a friend who actually introduced me to my now husband, 24-
00:37:36.340
She wrote to me and said, if you vote for Trump, you are ruining my life.
00:37:55.520
And then I was going to write to her nacho president, and it's Kamala with a Mexican hat
00:38:06.740
And I go, no, that's disrespectful, like you with your dad.
00:38:28.400
And she didn't write back because they never do.
00:38:31.160
Well, they're so full of hate and fear, aren't they?
00:38:39.600
She's probably happy, though, now, because one of them shot the head of this fucking
00:38:44.720
They're all gleeful over the fucking guy assassinating somebody now.
00:38:49.440
You lost the election, but now you have people being murdered in the street.
00:38:51.680
Didn't you say Taylor Lorenz is like, yeah, let's have more of this shooting people dead
00:38:55.420
Taylor Lorenz, for those who don't know, is a former Washington Post journalist.
00:38:59.720
She's the one that doxed Chaillon, or whatever her name is, the Libs of TikTok, that
00:39:09.600
And Taylor doxed her and said, here's a white woman that's in real estate.
00:39:13.620
She's the one that runs this account going after trans kids.
00:39:18.200
But she, after the shooting, said, I am so, like, I have joy over this.
00:39:22.840
And then posted immediately, like, another CEO of another pharmaceutical company.
00:39:30.220
But I think Joe Biden sent him the signal because he came out of that bookstore with that book,
00:39:40.280
And I think that was his cue to Antifa and BLM, who are now in the pro-Palestinian movement.
00:39:49.960
Do you think it was like a Catcher in the Rye thing, like the London shooting?
00:39:55.240
What I'm saying is the MKUltra, remember, they used Catcher in the Rye in a lot of those
00:40:00.660
That's to signal all the Islamic cells that Obama and them brought over here, Valerie Jarrett
00:40:10.380
You know, he says it's, that was his signal, it's go time.
00:40:15.440
And it was go time, too, until something else happened, because I've been saying for a long
00:40:21.460
time since Y2K, which really did happen on the mental plane.
00:40:31.400
And it was, you know, the reset of the beginning of the end.
00:40:38.140
And so, because the third thing came into manifestation.
00:40:44.440
Because before, computer code, Y2K created the zero, the thing between the twin towers.
00:41:10.740
And I think the reality of the third thing in manifestation was Israel blowing up the pagers.
00:41:21.240
What was the first and second thing, just for context?
00:41:23.100
They were the twin towers of computer coding, two ones with a space.
00:41:47.380
The computers took on the third thing, the zero, the placeholder.
00:41:51.960
But the placeholder has a mathematical equation to it.
00:41:59.700
Then October 7th was the third thing you're saying?
00:42:03.500
The third thing is the third reality out of dualism.
00:42:20.940
Well, because now that Trump's and people are, I'm seeing more religious things on Netflix.
00:42:31.300
Oh, I was going to say they brought all this because they were doing their Iran deal slash
00:42:43.720
But those pagers changed the whole Middle East and the world, them blowing up.
00:42:51.060
And then what happened after that was with the fall of Syria, that's the fall of Iran.
00:43:02.740
That's the end of Vijay's dream of, you know, her compadres controlling everything in the
00:43:14.560
Of course, she, you know, they all work for the same Swiss bank accounts.
00:43:24.120
So, you think this shooter, the United Healthcare shooter was part of this or that's what started
00:43:34.500
You know, he probably was dressed up like Antifa last year.
00:43:44.540
Not all of them, but a very high percentage of them are, what do you call it?
00:43:52.840
Trust fund communists as if there could be such a thing.
00:43:57.480
You actually said this about Occupy Wall Street that I always thought was so cool.
00:44:00.860
You said you were in the street and you realized that it was just the kids of the dads that worked
00:44:04.780
Bite in the hand that feeds them out of their privileged arrogance.
00:44:17.960
Allegedly, who knows his family because her dad was the head of the mafia in Baltimore.
00:44:24.600
Yeah, there's a little of the Costa Nostra in there through her line and her being.
00:44:34.420
But they say that that kid was in the mix in her circle and took down this CEO of an insurance
00:44:45.900
company, which I told you like three podcasts ago, the health insurance company is going
00:44:51.440
to fall flat for insuring all this transgender surgery on kids.
00:44:58.420
Americans, when they figure out they have to stop that because it's nothing but Nazi science
00:45:05.240
and non-consenting victims and their fat, bipolar mothers, single mothers that have been brainwashed.
00:45:15.940
They're going to have to stop it because we can't be part of an insurance company that
00:45:21.720
does irreversible sexual experiments on little children.
00:45:31.760
But anyway, so they said that he, the CEO, was possibly going to testify about insider trading,
00:45:40.180
which Nancy Pelosi, of course, is the queen of.
00:45:43.240
That's how she got $250 million in a vineyard and all kind of houses.
00:45:47.940
And Gavin Newsom, too, was insider trading, which they're allowed to do in Congress, even
00:45:53.660
though they locked up their friend Martha Stewart for it.
00:46:02.660
And, and so they say the guy was going to testify on that and then he got.
00:46:15.100
Who was going to testify about congressional insider trading.
00:46:19.140
So you think the, the Pelosi crime family sent an assassin?
00:46:26.740
Well, that's what people are saying on the internet.
00:46:29.380
I think there's, I think it's fascinating and it's probably true, but I mean, we don't
00:46:49.480
No, I told you that's that allegedly that's Bill Gates putting the fetus meat in the hash
00:47:07.520
Do you get a craving for it every now and then?
00:47:14.940
They said they found a note with him saying, I shot this guy and the gun and the ghost
00:47:27.080
What the fuck kind of world are we living in when they do shit like that?
00:47:43.180
You and I can't do it, but there is the technology that exists in some of these companies.
00:47:46.300
Good God, and we're still living like pigs in mud.
00:47:49.380
Look at all the shit we've got available to us and we can't get the food to the hungry
00:48:01.180
We wanted to cover the shooting more, but we just, we decided as a podcast we're going
00:48:05.020
Any other way where I said Syria fell while the Syrian people were out dancing in the streets thanking
00:48:10.400
Israel for getting rid of, you know, the Uber Menchin, whatever they're called.
00:48:23.680
The opposite of the master race that is the head of the new world order.
00:48:33.860
Ha, ha, ha, I told you God was going to get you.
00:49:09.800
If SCOTUS hears the Brunson case, which is on the docket for January 6th.
00:49:16.020
If SCOTUS considers and approves that lawsuit, it will result in the arrest of everybody in Congress that verified the 2020 election.
00:49:31.260
The Brunson case is saying that the certification of 2020 was an illegal certification.
00:49:40.000
Because all the other courts that had Soros judges on them would not even hear the evidence of fraud in the 2020 elections.
00:49:55.260
So Brunson, a fellow Salt Lake City, Utah guy, and his brothers, they petitioned the court.
00:50:03.380
And it's the first time in American history that non-lawyer citizens got their lawsuit in the docket of the Supreme Court.
00:50:13.740
And the clerks at the Supreme Court helped them.
00:50:16.880
And advised them, gave them, you know, just miscellaneous advice, not real legal advice, but about how to file correctly.
00:50:25.320
And he did it, Roy Brunson, and it was accepted to be heard.
00:50:30.840
He has all the evidence because after, when they were, the reason they started the whole Jan 6 thing, Pelosi and them, was because they wanted to say that the FBI, I mean the Trumpers, were coming into the Capitol to overturn the win by Biden.
00:51:02.060
But it was like a movie which Nancy got her daughter to film.
00:51:21.660
And then they just hurried and certified it after they said people were going to hang Mike Pence.
00:51:31.540
But what really happened was that 50 members of the, you know, house said,
00:51:38.800
it looks like the machines were connected to the internet, which wasn't supposed to happen.
00:51:47.740
And on many fronts that things weren't supposed to happen and they were suspect.
00:51:52.480
So we want, it needs to now, according to the Constitution, when a certain number of members
00:51:59.620
say this is calling for a recount or an audit, you're supposed to stop and have a meeting
00:52:08.280
with everyone called to order and then send it back to the states.
00:52:20.780
There was a couple of senators, I believe, from Arizona, don't hold me on the facts, but
00:52:24.620
they did say, hey, we need to go work this out in the chambers.
00:52:28.100
And that's when the smoke bombs went off and the feds, I'm sorry, the Patriot, the bad Trumpers
00:52:34.080
And then at that point, you know, their lives were in danger.
00:52:37.960
Yeah, because they were on the walkie-talkie with, you know, whichever congresswoman was running
00:52:45.540
the show and going, you know, 10-4, our Hollywood producer and director say.
00:52:53.400
So anyway, when Jan 6 happened and we breached the Capitol and we were shooting, killing everyone,
00:52:59.780
The only one person killed was Roseanne Boylan.
00:53:04.500
I mean, well, they beat Roseanne Boylan to death, too.
00:53:09.460
But anyway, they said, after that, they're like, you know what?
00:53:15.720
I just want to say that my friend told me Trump was on Sunday.
00:53:22.560
I just want to tell everybody, send a letter to the Supreme Court and saying you're in, you
00:53:29.020
are in agreement with and are thankful that they're going to hear that case because we
00:53:36.620
got to write in in support of it and make our voices heard.
00:53:41.660
Because we can't have a free country without free elections.
00:53:48.700
And just because it's in the docket, I remember this from a lot of the election lawsuits, it
00:53:53.100
just basically goes in a folder where they decide if they're going to hear it.
00:54:00.360
Yeah, like about 20 million letters from American writing.
00:54:04.560
I mean, didn't Trump get, I don't know what they say, he got 80 plus million votes this
00:54:15.280
Whatever, but if, if just a percentage, if not all of those people would write the Supreme
00:54:21.340
Court and say, we're in support of you hearing that case, that would be great for our country.
00:54:28.680
And I'm, I'm, I'm hopeful that when Trump gets in, that that's what happens.
00:54:31.980
Because once you prove that Biden stole 2020, you, you destroy the deep state.
00:54:36.240
Well, one, if the Supreme Court rules that they certified illegally, they illegally certified,
00:54:44.920
which they did, an election, then that entire cabinet will be erased.
00:54:58.200
And none of that money is going to the Ukraine or any of them, other motherfuckers.
00:55:02.460
Because we're not going to fund ISIS and Hamas anymore.
00:55:14.820
We're not going to have to need to start a war with Russia.
00:55:20.680
Can we talk about shaving your balls real quick?
00:55:23.840
I just want to say Trump was on Kristen Welker Sunday morning, you know, weekend, whatever
00:55:34.580
And she goes, will you just admit that there was no fraud in the 2020 election?
00:55:46.140
And then she's like, well, how did you win in 2024?
00:55:48.760
She's trying to feel it out for all her buddies that know they're going to get caught.
00:55:56.500
I mean, they lied about Russia, Russia, Russia.
00:56:01.000
They lied about that children need to not go to school.
00:56:17.480
If you're not charged, you can't be pardoned for-
00:56:20.520
And if they pull that off, then we're going to have to do something.
00:56:31.260
Here's what's happening, though, is that we're seeing stuff unfold.
00:56:34.660
For instance, we're seeing that Washington, D.C. is not a part of the United States of America.
00:56:42.240
They have their own constitution, and it's different from the ones-
00:56:49.540
They are a nation unto themselves like the Vatican.
00:56:56.600
And you can see by the J6ers having not a right to a fair trial, not a right to a speedy trial.
00:57:10.660
And it's being proven to us that that is a foreign-occupying government.
00:57:17.240
So, I mean, that's what Derek Johnson talks about.
00:57:20.460
When they are fully identified as being a foreign, a hostile, foreign-occupying government,
00:57:31.520
Well, I hope so, because they have to pardon Trump's-
00:57:35.800
Trump, I heard there's a lot of political pressure from his-
00:57:39.480
Because Trump's surrounded by idiots, saying that you can't pardon a lot of the J6ers.
00:57:45.580
But because Biden pardoned Hunter, Trump is now saying, hey, fuck it, I'm going to pardon J6ers.
00:57:52.020
And on that same interview, he did say he was going to pardon a lot of the J6ers.
00:57:55.440
But some of the J6ers did do violent acts and went above and beyond.
00:57:59.960
I don't know that they're all going to be pardoned.
00:58:02.020
But he can certainly pardon people that weren't there, like Enrique, Toro, whatever.
00:58:10.400
So he has political cover to pardon a lot of the J6ers, which is good news.
00:58:17.000
When Trump went to the Vatican, he removed all of America's gold from there.
00:58:21.180
When he went to England, he let the Queen know, when he sat in Church Hill's chair and
00:58:26.880
had walked in front of the Queen, he let everybody know that he had intended, on purpose, to break
00:58:36.520
So he's breaking the corporation of the District of Columbia, which is not a state, has nothing
00:58:46.200
It decides where our kids are going to go fight for a rich man's oil.
00:58:55.860
And it's not even a part of our fucking country.
00:59:01.240
But how about, I'm telling them, and you're seeing, that is the old guard.
00:59:06.040
But surrounded by obelisks and pentagrams and fucking one goddamn devil-worshiping thing
00:59:36.040
Remember Manscaped, our favorite for you to shave your balls?
00:59:38.380
Speaking of daddy's home, your dad's home and he needs to shave his balls.
00:59:46.660
Anyway, the holidays are sneaking up faster than your fourth cup of peppermint mocha.
00:59:52.640
Back in my day, the men never shaved their balls.
01:00:01.700
I'm going to let you talk, but the Chairman Pro Package from Manscaped is what we're selling.
01:00:06.240
And this is a great product because they do razors.
01:00:15.480
But it has technology that protects you from nicking yourself or hurting yourself, especially
01:00:21.420
You don't want some big buzzy thing like you did with your vibrator when you burned yourself.
01:00:29.920
Thanks for bringing that up on the podcast with me and my mother, Shannon, by the way.
01:00:35.840
She started talking about anal sex yesterday when we were in the valley.
01:00:44.580
You were standing there when we went outside to smoke.
01:00:52.640
I don't wish to go into that with my son standing there.
01:00:55.100
My mom don't want to talk about her vibrator burns ever again.
01:01:06.060
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01:01:09.160
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01:01:22.520
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You'll be taking all the credit at every holiday party.
01:01:38.940
Well, if they're wild parties, I guess the kind Shannon goes to.
01:01:42.000
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01:02:14.000
Do you want to get the last one out of the way and then we can just shoot the shave for 15 minutes?
01:02:16.780
Can we talk about shaved balls with Shannon for a minute here?
01:02:52.940
But I'll never forget her answering the door when we were in Florida doing the pan selling.
01:03:05.540
And she answered the door in a latex maid outfit.
01:03:29.060
Did you know it was Shannon when you answered the door?
01:03:39.280
And she had like the vacuum and she had the face up and on.
01:03:53.720
Yeah, your freakier times, though, when you were a single girl, you were...
01:03:59.340
Remember on the talk show, you were just crazy.
01:04:19.360
So anyway, you were always the wild, swinging, single chick.
01:04:36.060
And you're like, I can't because I have to make a charcuterie plate for my husband.
01:04:43.140
You can't do nothing because you're always making charcuterie.
01:05:04.240
All the money I make, he goes, honey, that's your beauty money.
01:05:09.720
You can get your Botox, your filler, your hair, your nails, your whatever.
01:05:48.020
I just want to say I just were, I came in for the weekend for a project, a secret project.
01:06:04.020
I want to just go back and say, when everyone asks me, what is it like being besties with
01:06:12.560
you, the coolest, the hippest, the funniest, the funnest, just, and then, like, we like
01:06:25.740
And then I know when to leave you alone and you get on your computer.
01:06:30.180
Like when I said, Shannon, get the fuck out of here.
01:06:38.080
And I know when to leave you alone and when to, like, have fun.
01:07:03.240
And we're going to see your friend, Sam Trippley.
01:07:36.800
Please remember to tell them you have a podcast.
01:07:47.760
I don't like to ask people to be on my podcast.
01:07:50.820
It's not like come to my house and rub my back.
01:07:54.520
No, I asked Kato Kaelin because we saw him the other night.
01:07:58.280
And I said, Kato, you know, are you ready to come on?
01:08:22.760
I think he would confess, though, because I think he had a lot of guilt over it.
01:08:31.380
Mom doesn't understand that she has a kick-ass podcast.
01:08:37.220
Kato Kaelin texts me like every three days for the last year.
01:08:46.360
No, but you're not asking for something that's going to make them.
01:08:55.760
But should I just be like her wingman and just say.
01:09:13.080
When he went after Newscom, he fucking leveled Newscom.
01:09:18.160
I used to go watch Adam Carolla and Dennis Prager and talk on stage.
01:09:22.000
He was the first person to ever make money at podcasting.
01:09:35.780
It's funny that he did the man show with Jimmy Kimmel.
01:09:40.160
I think they're still buddies, which that's pretty amazing that they could still be friends.
01:09:45.580
God, I wish my friend Jenny Hope would be like that.
01:09:55.900
Well, I remember when he was with Sarah, we were friendly with him.
01:10:09.160
You know, he probably doesn't even feel that way.
01:10:11.680
They're probably like, Jimmy, you got to take Trump down because he's going to expose you
01:10:30.100
They're all on the list, except me, because nobody ever wanted to fuck me.
01:10:36.280
Well, I know someone that might have a crush on you.
01:10:53.260
There's a lot of people who have a crush on me.
01:10:56.660
Because I don't care, because I am never going to have sex unless I'm married.
01:11:03.640
I'm never having sex again unless I am married.
01:11:06.180
You told me you got married so you wouldn't have to have sex.
01:11:15.160
People, to have sex for a while and then never again.
01:11:25.180
I like the feeling of being trapped and you can't get out.
01:11:32.400
I don't know, because then I can talk myself into saying, oh, it's okay if you cheat and
01:11:47.040
You know, because I just want to cheat and lie and run around and do wrong.
01:11:59.800
So you couldn't be in an open relationship because then there's no thrill of cheating?
01:12:08.060
I'd have to kill the woman and then cut his nutsack off.
01:12:12.340
So your whole plan is to trap the guy so that you can just torment him and cheat on him?
01:12:22.300
Well, because I guess I'm taking after my parents.
01:12:26.920
You should know not to take after your parents.
01:12:30.760
That's why I'm not with anyone until I get married, which I would never get married unless I meet someone richer than me with a terminal illness.
01:12:46.320
But I'd rather stick hot fucking pokers right through my eyeballs than fall in love ever.
01:12:59.180
She could find someone who's nice to her and loves her and she'd be happy.
01:13:09.300
She's a narcissist and she attracts another narcissist and there can only be one narcissist in the family.
01:13:29.360
You have to be codependent with someone who's codependent.
01:13:39.760
We have to do one more ad and then I want to get into this.
01:13:43.960
He didn't go to any goddamn meetings when I tried to make him go to meetings.
01:14:01.760
When central bankers stock up on gold, this is a sign they're preparing for something big.
01:14:05.600
Right now they're buying gold as though it's the last asset standing.
01:14:26.700
We're getting the facelifts and the ponytail facelifts.
01:14:34.820
Her mom left her some big stocks and big businesses.
01:14:39.900
Well, what I'm saying is a lot of people have money in the savings account and that doesn't
01:14:46.460
So, and especially when the dollar fucking goes down, then you're like, people don't understand
01:14:53.960
And the dollar goes down 10 years from now, $50,000 is what counts as what?
01:15:03.220
The reason people are moving to gold and bankers are doing it is because once you buy gold or
01:15:16.200
So, if you have money saved or if you want to protect your wealth, gold and silver, that's
01:15:32.500
I think he looks like the guy from The Punisher and Walking Dead.
01:15:41.100
No, he's just a handsome guy, but he's really, really bright.
01:16:10.680
You need to say, can I ask you a question especially?
01:16:26.500
Real quick, this guy, Colin Plume, wrote a book called Silver is the New Oil.
01:16:31.540
And he's telling silver because it's 30 bucks now.
01:16:38.360
Put your money in silver because it's going up.
01:16:39.960
And use Noble Gold and use the shit she's going to tell you when you do it.
01:16:48.800
Visit NobleGoldInvestments.com now and bag up to 10 one ounce silver Trump coins or a 10
01:16:56.200
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01:16:59.760
That's RoseanneBarrGold.com Noble Gold Investments.
01:17:11.240
I want you to find someone that loves you and is nice and it's a hell of a minute.
01:17:23.960
I've seen you be nice for long periods of time.
01:17:28.100
No, I'm lovable, but people don't get my type of lovable.
01:17:33.100
No, you get in your head and sometimes you do things that are untoward.
01:17:38.260
No, I just, you know, I just tried to be funny.
01:17:46.920
So if someone did come along and they liked you, you would probably...
01:17:49.060
Once someone ceases to find me fascinating, I fucking hate their guts.
01:18:04.000
I do because once a guy ceases to find me fascinating, I don't like him no more.
01:18:23.120
You can't be friends with a hair and makeup artist and not have...
01:18:28.920
So once a guy ceases to find her fascinating, she decides to destroy him and the relationship.
01:18:55.920
They're like, ah, and sending you roses and this and that.
01:19:03.860
And then you're addicted to them and you're like codependent and you're like, ah, I'll
01:19:17.320
That someone you want to be adored and like someone just kisses your ass and love bombs
01:19:22.800
Like you just want to be loved and adored and...
01:19:27.260
She wants to be loved and she wants to love them.
01:19:37.740
I walked in on you watching your own podcast and you go, look, I'm watching my favorite
01:19:49.300
You don't think there's a guy out there that would be fascinated by you repeatedly for years
01:20:02.680
No, I don't think there's any guy who could match me.
01:20:10.140
It's like the normal stage of every relationship when you've gotten through all the mystery.
01:20:26.600
I never get to that phase with anybody where you're just like friends and you have fun.
01:20:34.360
I always get a fucking bummer of an asshole that's like, where are you going?
01:20:42.840
How many people do you have to talk to every day?
01:20:54.740
But there could be a guy that's like, hey, you're so cool.
01:21:04.100
And then they say, then he's a fucking drag and insults you in front of your friends.
01:21:08.620
Well, Johnny was a drag, but Tom was like gregarious and wanted to be famous.
01:21:12.080
Yeah, but he always insulted me in front of our friends too.
01:21:23.680
No, but he insulted me in front of my friends over and over.
01:21:27.300
Until one time we were on stage and he was, had that big shit eating phony ass grin of
01:22:02.020
So, I had just had it and I was uncomfortable because I was a big fat woman in spike heels
01:22:18.000
And so, I'm like, this motherfucker's getting the spike heel treatment.
01:22:23.420
No, I simply stepped onto his big toe and fucking put all my fucking weight right there.
01:22:41.260
He goes, smiling at it, big fucking ass eating grin.
01:23:08.320
I told you, Roseanne Barr ain't nothing to fuck with.
01:23:11.640
Can I just tell you, my husband downloaded her wicked appearance on Madison Square Garden.
01:23:26.760
One of the best things you've ever done, aside from what we did this last week.
01:23:33.000
You have to be 12 and pretend when I love playing the Wicked Witch.
01:23:38.560
And Jake said, every night you would do a different thing.
01:23:59.980
And then I sent it to all my family and they're like, wow, she's such a great actress.
01:24:10.520
I know that's why I don't get any fucking gigs because I'm too good for these Hollywood
01:24:23.940
Everybody said, you fucking outshone Meryl Streep.
01:24:37.520
Dude, if there are any directors, producers, movie peoples out here.
01:24:55.000
That was pretty aggressively acclaimed, that play.
01:25:22.540
I remember one night, they paint me green, you know, before I go up on the bike.
01:25:30.800
But they put all this, have these sponges to make my, we got to do it fast to change.
01:25:39.660
I come home, getting in the elevator there, living at, I can't remember what it was.
01:25:51.420
So I get in the elevator, and there's a Barry Diller.
01:25:58.080
I still had like a hint of green in the elevator.
01:26:13.380
And then in my mind, I was thinking, of course, green skin looks good to you, reptile.
01:26:46.320
Let's get into this, and then I'll let you guys go.
01:26:47.640
I'm going to the comedy store to see my friends in the youth.
01:26:52.580
Yeah, it all started for me at the comedy store.
01:26:54.740
So I'm excited to go back there and see what's become of it.
01:27:00.660
But they got a lot of young comics, and it'll be exciting to watch these young comics, because,
01:27:06.640
you know, I don't know what they're talking about.
01:27:12.040
They're all fucking stupid and corrupted and MK-altered.
01:27:15.960
So it'll be interesting to see the shit they spew.
01:27:27.340
You were prepping for your Fox Nation stand-up, and it was so fun.
01:27:38.320
And we got high as a kite out on the deck with all the peeps.
01:27:43.920
And some guy passed us a fleef that was like six inches long, or maybe 10.
01:28:28.380
And they was pretty Democrat there, but they liked it.
01:28:33.180
And then we had gone upstairs to see Theo Vaughn, and I did time at his show.
01:28:49.020
And Theo Vaughn goes, next time, you might not want to get so high or drunk.
01:28:55.720
I tell you this every week, and you get mad at me.
01:28:59.520
And I'm like, bitch, I just fucking separated two girls in the bathroom fighting over your ass.
01:29:08.740
And there was one girl was like, there was two girls in there that he invited that night.
01:29:16.940
And the other one goes, well, he invited me to come here tonight.
01:29:22.520
And they were like, going to get ready to choke each other out.
01:29:31.640
Don't even fool around because he's going to, you know, talk with both of you.
01:29:41.580
Don't hate the player, hate the game, motherfucker.
01:29:55.360
But I mean, he should not have invited someone the night as, quote, girlfriends there.
01:30:04.880
But I'm like, you need to start smoking pot again and drinking so you won't get so fucking
01:30:19.220
He's probably like me where you got to sabotage.
01:30:24.640
Because they're calling themselves your boyfriend when you're not even.
01:30:34.860
Things going well, you should enjoy when they go well.
01:30:37.520
When things go well, I tend to fuck them up because.
01:30:42.080
Or if they're going bad, I tend to drop a big ass bomb on them.
01:30:59.320
The old man comes up to me and is trying to have sex.
01:31:04.660
And this old man comes up and goes, you're looking, you are so blah, blah.
01:31:10.060
And I'm like, oh, well, you're not bad yourself.
01:31:14.400
And he's like, well, are you going to this and that?
01:31:17.040
And I go, listen, we're past the age of having any sex.
01:31:22.760
You're too fucking old and wrinkled to even be thinking about that kind of shit.
01:31:39.300
But I'm like, she says, what's her name's boyfriend?
01:31:54.660
There wasn't Viagra when Charlie Chaplin had a baby at 90.
01:32:17.520
If your neck looks like a fucking turkey gobble or whatever they call them, you should
01:32:38.000
Some guys in their 80s and 90s and everything still works.
01:33:05.500
We have sex on the weekends, like Saturday and Sunday.
01:33:21.020
That's the difference between me and my, oh my God.
01:33:30.840
Apparently because of this, I won't have bunnies.
01:33:33.400
All the back and the front hair and the top is bald.
01:33:51.140
He should have minded his P's and Q's, this stupid son of a bitch.
01:34:16.060
No, we, he always, every year on February 4th, he always says, happy anniversary, Roseanne.
01:34:32.360
He, he's a good guy, but, you know, he's a libtard.
01:34:37.740
He's, he's on too many medications, and Xanax fucked with his brain, and he got it on MSNBC.
01:34:50.160
Well, we're gonna get you back on the happy trail.
01:35:09.340
Well, if you're not gonna say it, I'm gonna have to say it.
01:35:11.160
Okay, my personal passageway, that shit is just closed down.
01:35:19.900
The only part of me that's thin is my vaginal walls.
01:35:30.240
My vaginal, the only thing thin about me is my vaginal walls.
01:35:51.400
I just think that is sinful to be old and craving sex.
01:36:01.080
No, you're supposed to be into your volunteer work at that age.
01:36:04.300
Well, I mean, some people do that as volunteer work when you think about it.
01:36:07.580
Okay, here's what I want for you at the very least is a beautiful, nice companion that you
01:36:21.260
I want someone that sees you the same way that I see you and Hannah sees you and Shannon sees you.
01:36:26.500
As a loving, fun person who wants to have fun and hang out.
01:36:29.940
They're there to protect you and help you and guide.
01:36:35.300
You need someone that's like, hey, what you're doing here is great.
01:36:44.940
There's not a man on Earth that can handle this.
01:36:54.140
Because it's just too much information coming out of them.
01:36:56.420
There are people that go to war and have PTSD and they can handle you.
01:37:19.000
I know because it's nothing, but they don't even know.
01:37:30.920
Like Uncle Ben, your brother, said something to me on that gay cruise.
01:37:34.760
One of the most fascinating things I've ever heard.
01:37:44.200
And I said to him, I said, what is your secret?
01:38:11.220
What do you think they were doing on the gay cruise?
01:38:13.180
The second thing, which was the more important, is he said to me, he said the real secret,
01:38:18.160
because that sex stuff fades, but the real secret is the most romantic thing.
01:38:25.860
You want where you're fucked up to lock with someone else where they're fucked up.
01:38:31.100
And as long as it's interlocking, you don't have the same fucked up thing, where you're
01:38:35.960
strong and they're weak, but you're both fucked up, because you can't get through life
01:38:43.780
I am preferring, because this is the first time in my life where I've ever been alone,
01:38:54.300
No, and you leapfrogged from one husband to another.
01:38:58.460
I like being alone, and I like judging people and making fun of them.
01:39:06.160
And I don't need nobody except for companionship.
01:39:22.920
What have you got with a companion that was fun and didn't snore and protected you?
01:39:28.680
He'd just want me to meet his friends, and they would all be boring.
01:39:35.320
I'm sure the person that you met wouldn't be boring.
01:39:38.000
Well, if there is a man out there who equals me in-
01:39:43.660
If there is a man out there who equals me in wealth and charisma, and even goes a-
01:39:53.760
Yeah, and goes above and beyond everything that I got.
01:40:01.520
But if there is somebody who gets it, and I have to say again, got to be richer than me.
01:40:18.360
Yeah, what if he's independently wealthy but not at a level?
01:40:23.140
Tell God this is what you want, because that's what I do.
01:40:27.840
Yeah, I want a guy who doesn't need or want my money.
01:40:37.260
But it's so fascinating by how fucking cool I am, and sees it and goes, oh my God, you-
01:40:44.400
There's nobody fucking, because I'm the hoochie-coochie gal.
01:40:55.300
But there isn't that guy, unless it was like if Moses came back down.
01:40:59.960
Moses would really love me, because he loved his wife, Sephora, who was the daughter of Jethro,
01:41:17.100
She really guided Moses, which, so I would guide Moses in that same way.
01:41:22.360
So, if Moses' incarnation is back, that would be a powerful man with a wide reach to, you
01:41:42.140
Hey, you know, Moses, speaking of that story you told earlier, Shannon, Moses, he's familiar
01:41:55.220
Remember she fell asleep with the vibrator and burned her bush?
01:42:07.260
You know, I feel so good, because I'm on the fucking beam.
01:42:26.480
And I am so happy for you that you got your perfect man.
01:42:41.860
That's why I said, be clear to what you tell God.
01:42:48.400
All I kept saying is, dear God, I want to meet my soulmate.
01:43:14.120
I want somebody who loves you and loves to have fun.
01:43:30.520
But listen, I want a man who can be the leader, who can be the moral leader of me.
01:43:59.720
Who can lead me to what I want him to lead me to.
01:44:37.480
I just want somebody to admire and cherish and be fascinated by me.
01:44:57.600
I don't care the racial characteristics, Jew or a religious Christian that likes Jews.
01:45:12.120
But he was a drug addict and that ruined my life.
01:45:43.600
I'm not a size queen such as some people in this room.
01:45:47.600
I've seen some Chinese porn where the guy has a big one, so I don't think it matters.
01:45:55.520
It really doesn't matter, but I know it does to you, but like it doesn't in the real world.
01:46:08.220
You're on camera, so when you go, everyone can see you're talking to Tom.
01:46:51.140
Hey, if you're a fucking sourpuss that's got nothing to laugh at, you know, fuck off.
01:47:09.520
And, uh, take, you know, look into, uh, taking the, uh, hers so you can lose a ton of weight