The Roseanne Barr Podcast - Vibrator Burns with Shannon Hughey

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00:00:57.060 Greetings, Earthlings and human beings and Nephilim. What's the other one, Jake? Nephilim and the-

00:01:08.020 Anunnaki.

00:01:08.880 Anunnaki. Democrats, what have you.

00:01:13.720 Reptiles.

00:01:15.260 Reptilians.

00:01:15.820 What are the other ones, the Illuminatis, any of you naughty Illuminatis.

00:01:21.000 I like that.

00:01:21.620 And especially animals who are far smarter than any of the above because animals don't bullshit themselves.

00:01:29.860 Welcome to the Roseanne Barr Podcast.

00:01:31.700 We've got a great show today because it's a, we have a return guest who is my best friend of, is it 26 years?

00:01:48.240 Seven.

00:01:49.220 27 years?

00:01:50.220 Yeah.

00:01:50.700 My best friend of 27 years.

00:01:52.640 The only decent human being I ever met in Hollywood besides Donald Trump and, you know, a couple others fondly, most of them dead.

00:02:04.720 Phyllis Diller and Rodney Dangerfield and Sue Mengers, some of my favorites.

00:02:14.760 Carrie Fisher, yeah.

00:02:17.020 Anyway, here we are, and I don't even know what I was talking about.

00:02:22.080 You're introducing Shannon.

00:02:23.040 Huh?

00:02:23.460 I'm introducing my best friend and return guest as well as my hair, makeup doer and-

00:02:31.660 Doer.

00:02:32.700 And the what's it?

00:02:34.140 Wardrobe person too.

00:02:36.980 Shannon Huey.

00:02:38.180 Hi, Shannon.

00:02:38.960 Hello.

00:02:39.820 Hello.

00:02:40.320 Thank you very much.

00:02:41.260 Oh, your show, the show we did together was so popular.

00:02:44.840 I know.

00:02:45.540 I heard that.

00:02:46.600 Yeah.

00:02:47.020 So, I'm glad you're back.

00:02:48.340 But, you know, I just have to tell you, you know, everyone tells me that I shoot from the hip and spout out crazy shit all the time.

00:02:55.840 So, taking that into note, I, who spout out crazy shit all the time, I'm telling you, Shannon Huey, you, you really spout out crazy shit all the time.

00:03:10.280 So, that's why part of why we're friends, I think, huh?

00:03:13.700 I know.

00:03:13.740 I think so too.

00:03:15.000 Yeah.

00:03:15.300 And can I just say, people always ask me, what is it like being besties with Roseanne Barr?

00:03:25.600 And I said, well, let me tell you.

00:03:29.680 It's a real hoot.

00:03:34.260 And I say, you know, look at that show, which I had never seen.

00:03:40.240 I never watched your show.

00:03:42.100 You did it?

00:03:42.580 No.

00:03:43.020 The sitcom?

00:03:43.640 No.

00:03:44.440 Really?

00:03:44.840 I know.

00:03:45.880 Isn't that crazy?

00:03:46.800 I don't know.

00:03:47.420 I was out getting into trouble.

00:03:49.420 You was a hoot.

00:03:50.180 I was getting into trouble.

00:03:53.080 Did you see what he did?

00:03:54.760 What?

00:03:57.260 No.

00:03:58.380 She's skiing.

00:03:58.660 But anyway, I knew I had seen some of it.

00:04:04.480 I knew you were a cuckoo bird.

00:04:06.800 I had seen the Tom Arnold stuff.

00:04:08.880 And I thought, wow, that chick is kooky.

00:04:11.860 But I mean, I loved it.

00:04:15.620 And then I thought, I probably have nothing in common with her.

00:04:19.760 And then when I met you, and then over the years, I have everything in common with you.

00:04:24.680 Isn't that weird?

00:04:25.980 I love shopping.

00:04:27.560 I love having fun.

00:04:29.440 I love laughing.

00:04:30.780 I love macaroni and cheese.

00:04:32.900 I love eating cheese.

00:04:34.800 Like all the stuff that you love.

00:04:38.600 It's fun, huh?

00:04:39.580 I love napping.

00:04:40.980 I love smoking.

00:04:43.240 Ketamine.

00:04:44.160 Ketamine.

00:04:44.440 You guys talked about that in the last episode.

00:04:46.760 But I did mine with doctors.

00:04:49.140 Yeah.

00:04:49.480 Care.

00:04:50.120 Yes.

00:04:50.540 And it really helped me.

00:04:51.800 No, I can tell.

00:04:53.440 You know.

00:04:53.740 Can you really tell?

00:04:54.640 I was telling these guys, Jake and Hannah, I said, you are a changed woman.

00:05:02.560 You're really, you're happier.

00:05:04.920 You're lighter.

00:05:06.100 You're freer.

00:05:07.480 You dumped like 180 pounds of old boyfriend stuff.

00:05:13.220 Or probably 150 pounds.

00:05:15.300 I don't know.

00:05:16.220 It's like a stick.

00:05:18.120 But you lost a lot of stuff.

00:05:20.840 And you've just been working on yourself and getting close to God.

00:05:25.500 And I just see this whole, you have a lightness.

00:05:29.020 You have the depression, the heaviness, the darkness, like the fear.

00:05:36.300 You've let go of a lot of fear.

00:05:38.440 Yeah, I did.

00:05:39.380 It's really cool.

00:05:41.180 And so.

00:05:42.300 You were always sort of a fearless person, weren't you?

00:05:45.680 You didn't have a lot of fear.

00:05:47.980 No, I wouldn't say that.

00:05:49.980 But I always had to try and trust in God because I told you, fear is the devil.

00:05:55.620 God is love and trust.

00:05:57.540 And so if you believe in God, then you will always have the trust that you are taken care

00:06:03.880 of.

00:06:04.220 If you have fear, that's the devil and your ego creeping in.

00:06:08.700 And your ego is like, no, don't listen to your gut, which is God.

00:06:14.420 So God is your gut?

00:06:16.600 In other words, that makes sense.

00:06:19.240 Your intuition.

00:06:20.840 Yep.

00:06:21.640 And so.

00:06:22.600 Well, mine was always faulty, though.

00:06:24.400 No, because I had about 50 intuitions all going off at the same time.

00:06:29.120 Yes, no, do, don't.

00:06:31.200 All at the same time.

00:06:32.160 Well, because your gut is all rerouted.

00:06:35.280 You have more than one.

00:06:36.320 Maybe that's it.

00:06:36.740 You have more than one gut is why.

00:06:38.240 Yeah, that's true.

00:06:38.900 I've got two stomachs.

00:06:40.860 Two stomachs.

00:06:42.820 Like my grandma.

00:06:43.480 I'm a kosher animal.

00:06:47.060 Okay, back to everyone asked me what it's like being besties with you.

00:06:54.160 And I always say, she is a blast.

00:06:58.300 We make each other laugh.

00:07:00.200 Like there's nothing like when I can make you laugh because, you know, you're a major

00:07:05.620 comedian.

00:07:06.520 Hello.

00:07:07.300 And when I can make you laugh from the belly laugh, I'm like, oh, my God, I'm loving this

00:07:13.760 moment right now.

00:07:14.700 Because and then everyone always says to me, you're so funny.

00:07:17.780 And I said, well, think of yourself and your environment.

00:07:21.240 If you're a little fish in an aquarium, you only grow this big.

00:07:24.780 If you're out in the sea, you're a fish and you grow really big.

00:07:27.920 My environment has been 27 years with a major comedian who's hilarious.

00:07:34.140 So I'm like this, thinking fast and like, I can make funny stuff.

00:07:39.980 Yeah, you beat me more than once in a good frigging zapper.

00:07:45.800 Really?

00:07:46.340 Yeah.

00:07:46.660 And nobody can beat me.

00:07:48.280 No.

00:07:48.680 I mean, some people, I mean, they try, but I'll give them some time because I'm like

00:07:53.780 Mike Tyson.

00:07:54.460 No, I'm more like Muhammad Ali because I'm like, yeah, I'm going to, I'm going to rope

00:08:00.220 a dope.

00:08:01.400 Come on.

00:08:02.260 Come on.

00:08:02.740 Hit me, hit me, hit me.

00:08:03.800 I'll give them four and then I'll come in with the fucking knockout punch and they don't

00:08:09.440 expect it.

00:08:10.360 So I love to do that thing with comics that we do, you know, to feel each other out, to

00:08:15.320 see how funny.

00:08:16.780 Well, yeah, jam.

00:08:17.680 Wait, what was the thing, Jake?

00:08:19.780 Bite like a thing and shoot like a bee?

00:08:22.180 Oh, float like a butterfly, sting like a bee.

00:08:24.040 Yeah.

00:08:24.360 Yeah.

00:08:24.960 Yeah.

00:08:25.360 That's her.

00:08:25.940 I do neither of those.

00:08:27.200 Should you tell everyone the real, it's not your ketamine and the self-care.

00:08:30.960 It's actually, she's been sleeping really good.

00:08:32.600 You know, it's the beam, Shannon.

00:08:34.200 I'm going to get that.

00:08:35.480 It really is good.

00:08:36.220 Shannon's thinking of getting it and I said, you should.

00:08:38.400 And it really is delicious.

00:08:40.300 Yeah.

00:08:40.440 And John would probably prefer you get it so you go to sleep and are quiet for a little

00:08:44.320 bit.

00:08:44.800 Yeah.

00:08:45.660 Instead of tossing and turning.

00:08:46.780 No, I want to talk about the husband situation in a minute.

00:08:50.240 Well, tell the people about it.

00:08:51.020 Okay.

00:08:52.500 Where's that clicker deal?

00:08:54.220 Okay, here we go.

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00:10:21.020 All right.

00:10:21.660 Now we can get back at it.

00:10:23.440 Thank you.

00:10:24.460 So, back to when they say, what is it like?

00:10:29.520 I just say, we have a blast.

00:10:31.500 We shop.

00:10:32.340 We laugh.

00:10:33.220 We drink.

00:10:33.980 We cry.

00:10:35.340 We talk about all kinds of nefarious things.

00:10:39.360 We dance.

00:10:41.760 Don't forget dance.

00:10:42.480 Yes.

00:10:42.500 And karaoke singing.

00:10:44.040 Yes, yes, yes.

00:10:44.920 Like the other day in the car, singing the Supremes.

00:10:47.680 Oh, God.

00:10:48.280 How much do we love the Supremes?

00:10:49.440 Yeah.

00:10:49.820 People don't even know about the Supremes anymore, do they?

00:10:52.120 You got to listen to the Supremes.

00:10:53.140 Did you let Shannon sing in the car?

00:10:54.720 Didn't you tell her she can't talk in the car?

00:10:56.300 No.

00:10:56.540 I did tell her because she always starts fucking yammering.

00:11:00.040 And I'm like trying to read the fucking math, which I don't even understand.

00:11:05.420 Now we're going to do it.

00:11:06.420 Something from NASA over there.

00:11:09.700 And I don't get it.

00:11:11.820 And then, so I'm just trying to see where I am.

00:11:14.500 And then it'll say 500 feet.

00:11:17.920 And she goes, oh, go here.

00:11:19.480 I go, can you not talk about driving when I'm fucking driving?

00:11:25.160 It's a good point.

00:11:26.020 Right?

00:11:26.440 Yeah.

00:11:26.720 But she always does.

00:11:27.740 And she's always wrong 100% of the time.

00:11:30.620 And she's like, I'm on Waze.

00:11:33.460 Waze is the way to go.

00:11:35.360 Waze is the ways to go.

00:11:37.760 And I'm like, no, it isn't.

00:11:39.640 It's not always right.

00:11:41.120 No, Waze fucked us a couple times.

00:11:43.100 I'm telling you, Waze is not always right.

00:11:45.140 You know what I hate is like, I'll be in a middle lane to turn left and it tells you

00:11:49.180 to turn left.

00:11:49.740 And then it's like, oh, wait, go right.

00:11:51.320 And I'm like, I'm fucked, you know.

00:11:53.080 What, Waze?

00:11:53.900 Yeah.

00:11:54.300 Yeah.

00:11:54.660 Stop using Waze.

00:11:56.180 But the other one's horrible too.

00:11:58.160 The one that comes with the car.

00:12:00.380 What's that one?

00:12:01.360 It depends on the car, but Google, Apple Maps is driving people into the lake.

00:12:04.940 Do you remember that one?

00:12:05.500 Yeah.

00:12:05.800 It drove me up Mulholland Mountain by Bell Canyon when I was trying to get to a store in Beverly

00:12:12.600 Hills.

00:12:13.140 Your ketamine treatment.

00:12:14.040 Remember, we got lost twice.

00:12:15.200 It kept running us up the mountain.

00:12:16.720 It's whatever.

00:12:18.180 As long as you're not being driven into a lake, that's my favorite story.

00:12:21.320 Do you know that story?

00:12:22.660 It drove someone, it took someone into the middle of a lake.

00:12:24.700 And then, of course, they went?

00:12:26.120 They drove into the lake.

00:12:27.240 It was Apple Maps.

00:12:27.960 They were like, it's a software patch.

00:12:29.300 Oh.

00:12:29.840 Well, see, I would have stopped.

00:12:31.840 I know.

00:12:32.360 That's why you're like, well, that sucks.

00:12:33.620 I hope they would have stopped at the cliff.

00:12:35.340 I think they just got the first few wheels in.

00:12:37.800 But yeah, it's dangerous.

00:12:38.900 When we lived in the marina, someone drove off the marina thing.

00:12:43.400 They did onto your boat?

00:12:45.180 No.

00:12:45.440 No.

00:12:46.060 No.

00:12:46.600 They drove via marina.

00:12:49.200 If you keep going, you would land in the water.

00:12:51.860 Yeah.

00:12:51.960 Yeah.

00:12:52.000 They did that.

00:12:52.640 Because they were like drunk and driving crazy and probably getting a blowjob.

00:12:56.600 Drunk driving into an ocean.

00:12:59.080 That's great.

00:12:59.600 There was a man and a woman.

00:13:01.700 He was probably getting a blowjob.

00:13:03.320 And he was probably coming.

00:13:04.620 And then, boom.

00:13:07.220 There's the play-by-play by Shannon.

00:13:08.740 Thank you.

00:13:10.220 All right.

00:13:10.580 You wanted to get into the husbands, I think?

00:13:12.360 Yeah.

00:13:13.100 Well, first, I wanted to say, well, you were doing makeup and hair in the porn industry

00:13:18.060 before I hired you, right?

00:13:20.080 Right.

00:13:22.420 Right?

00:13:23.020 Right.

00:13:23.360 And so, you went from hardcore porn, like, seeing people do crazy things.

00:13:29.560 Like you said, one girl came and sat on another girl's head when he was trying to do her makeup.

00:13:35.300 I did?

00:13:36.260 Yeah.

00:13:36.480 Why would she do that?

00:13:37.600 Well, she's having oral sex to her.

00:13:40.280 During the makeup?

00:13:41.420 No.

00:13:41.640 She just came and sat on her face, you said.

00:13:43.760 That's in her mind.

00:13:44.420 You told me that.

00:13:45.600 No, I never.

00:13:46.520 You said when Sylvester Stallone came to watch the porn.

00:13:49.960 No, it wasn't him.

00:13:50.840 Or was that?

00:13:50.860 It wasn't Sylvester Stallone.

00:13:52.540 It was the other one.

00:13:53.180 Who was it?

00:13:53.680 I love how she gets on.

00:13:55.920 We love Sylvester.

00:13:57.460 He's probably gets sued all the time.

00:13:58.620 He's one of us.

00:14:00.040 Sylvester.

00:14:00.820 Oh, yes.

00:14:01.200 We love him.

00:14:01.560 I'm not thinking of him.

00:14:02.620 No.

00:14:02.720 I'm thinking of the other one.

00:14:03.840 Arnold Schwarzenegger.

00:14:05.760 Who was it, Shannon?

00:14:06.620 Who's the one that always used to come to the porn site?

00:14:09.620 The porn set.

00:14:12.480 I don't know.

00:14:13.540 I can't remember.

00:14:14.340 I don't know.

00:14:16.520 I don't want to say.

00:14:18.180 Oh, well, it was code.

00:14:19.860 Huh?

00:14:20.280 It was neither of those guys, right?

00:14:21.700 No, I swear.

00:14:22.780 No, it wasn't.

00:14:23.780 But it was celebrities would come by and want to see, like Jenna Jameson or, you know.

00:14:28.840 Yeah, but she was a, oh.

00:14:30.420 You know, they want to see, and they want to see, you know, hot chicks having sex.

00:14:35.820 Yeah.

00:14:35.960 Which, by the way, they're all faking it.

00:14:38.420 And men out there, I just want to tell you.

00:14:41.840 Their orgasm is fake, too, right?

00:14:44.920 Right.

00:14:45.220 A lot of chicks fake it in normal life, too.

00:14:48.160 I just read, like, barely any women really have an orgasm from natural sex.

00:14:55.260 Yeah.

00:14:55.600 Really?

00:14:55.920 And it's going down because of toys and stuff.

00:14:58.680 But yeah, it's a low percent.

00:14:59.620 What do they have it from?

00:15:00.700 Oh, that's me.

00:15:01.540 What do they have their-

00:15:02.700 Desensitating.

00:15:03.180 Borrowing your credit card?

00:15:04.780 No, I don't know what-

00:15:05.580 What do they have their orgasm from?

00:15:08.120 Masturbating.

00:15:08.820 Well, like, you know-

00:15:11.080 Vibrators.

00:15:11.780 Vibrator.

00:15:12.440 Oh, I see.

00:15:13.420 Yeah.

00:15:13.820 That makes sense.

00:15:15.300 I mean-

00:15:16.000 It's technology progress.

00:15:17.200 I've been using a vibrator since I was, like, 19.

00:15:20.180 I remember you had that one that plugged into the wall that your one boyfriend-

00:15:26.100 I got one like you.

00:15:27.200 You don't-

00:15:27.840 Yours was, like, a foot long and-

00:15:29.920 Yours is like that, too.

00:15:32.100 It was back in the day.

00:15:33.960 Remember-

00:15:34.480 Remember her back massager?

00:15:36.680 I know the back massager.

00:15:37.300 Remember when I got on the Prozac and I could never have a release, we'll call it?

00:15:42.880 And remember I was trying to-

00:15:44.780 Burned your thigh with that one thing.

00:15:48.360 Like, it was a metal massager.

00:15:50.940 It was, like, a big square metal massager.

00:15:53.520 I fell asleep.

00:15:54.200 I gave up and passed out.

00:15:56.600 She had, like, a blister on her inner thigh.

00:16:01.200 That's when I was on the Prozac.

00:16:03.160 This might have to be cut out.

00:16:04.260 This might have to be cut out.

00:16:06.200 No, definitely not cutting this out.

00:16:07.860 That was better than the Ambien story, actually.

00:16:10.300 So, okay.

00:16:11.760 I'm sweating now.

00:16:14.080 You're doing porn makeup and you're-

00:16:15.980 I want you to tell the story.

00:16:17.080 You're walking down the street.

00:16:18.840 Didn't you pray to God, God, help if there are any fat Jewish women out there who can

00:16:25.060 rescue me from this lifestyle, send me a sign.

00:16:28.100 Didn't you say something?

00:16:29.040 And then a paper blew on your leg?

00:16:31.820 Yes.

00:16:32.720 A piece of paper blew up on my leg, blew up under my dress.

00:16:36.740 On, of all places, in front of the man Chinese theater iconic where Marilyn Monroe's footprints

00:16:45.320 and the stars are.

00:16:46.640 Not to be annoying, but we told the story in the last episode.

00:16:49.220 I know.

00:16:49.760 We're telling it again.

00:16:50.760 Shut up.

00:16:51.080 I knew that.

00:16:51.480 Why would you do that?

00:16:52.380 No, she wants to tell it again.

00:16:54.720 I'm going to tell it quicker.

00:16:55.860 And so, it said, you know, come meet Roseanne Barr in an informal gathering of her talk show.

00:17:04.540 And it was like the next day.

00:17:07.100 Okay.

00:17:07.720 So, cut to you get hired because I liked you.

00:17:10.640 You said, I can do your makeup way better.

00:17:14.020 This Chinese Joe with the airbrush machine.

00:17:17.200 It took three fucking hours.

00:17:19.120 I can't stand to be touched, as you know.

00:17:21.780 Nor can I stand to be chatted at by hairdressers.

00:17:24.860 Right.

00:17:25.900 Right?

00:17:26.400 And you had one hair person, one makeup person, and you wanted someone to do both.

00:17:31.420 Because I don't want to listen to their fucking horrible world story or worldview while they're

00:17:37.240 touching me for fucking sticking shit in my eyes and up my nose and yanking on my roots.

00:17:43.660 Can I just say that just now, I was taking a little nap and she goes,

00:17:49.940 Shannon, I need to be ready.

00:17:52.760 And we got her ready in fucking seven minutes.

00:17:58.340 Seven minutes.

00:17:59.640 Amazing.

00:18:00.280 I have to say, on our special project, we're not allowed to talk about that we shot yesterday.

00:18:03.440 Now, wait a minute.

00:18:04.040 We'll talk about all that.

00:18:05.100 Okay.

00:18:05.320 But now we're at the talk show.

00:18:07.960 Okay.

00:18:08.300 Okay.

00:18:08.800 Oh, yes.

00:18:09.580 And I had my own trailer.

00:18:12.420 And you used to do my hair and makeup in there, right?

00:18:15.040 Mm-hmm.

00:18:16.460 And there was a person on the show.

00:18:19.900 That was...

00:18:20.460 That was...

00:18:21.960 Celebrity A.

00:18:23.600 Yeah.

00:18:25.320 Okay.

00:18:26.040 Yeah.

00:18:26.520 And he would come on to me all the time.

00:18:32.340 And he was very powerful.

00:18:33.900 In my trailer, right?

00:18:35.440 No.

00:18:36.120 No, on the set?

00:18:37.040 This was on set.

00:18:37.940 Okay.

00:18:38.240 Three cameras on set.

00:18:41.160 And between commercials, I would catch her up.

00:18:44.840 And he would come over and whisper in my ear, I bet you have a wet pussy.

00:18:52.240 And I'm like, what?

00:18:55.960 And I couldn't do anything.

00:18:57.540 I'm on stage with her, cameras everywhere.

00:19:00.960 And I'm just like frozen.

00:19:02.480 Why didn't you tell me?

00:19:04.180 Well, eventually I did.

00:19:05.500 But I didn't want to.

00:19:06.520 And I get the hashtag me too movement.

00:19:08.520 This is a different time when this...

00:19:09.960 This was before all that.

00:19:10.560 This was in 1999, 2000.

00:19:12.680 Yeah, they would have fired you and quieted you out.

00:19:15.100 I started on the show 98 to 2000.

00:19:17.800 Yeah.

00:19:18.320 And then I just kept putting up with it.

00:19:22.200 And he just kept saying all these lewd comments in my ear.

00:19:27.700 Like just, you know, he'd bend down and whisper in my ear all this stuff.

00:19:33.000 And I was just like, ugh.

00:19:34.760 I mean, and I came from porn.

00:19:36.240 So I was just like, whatever, you know, fool.

00:19:39.400 And so then I just couldn't take it anymore.

00:19:43.900 And I told her.

00:19:45.640 And I remember we were walking back to your compound, the trailer, on the CBS slot.

00:19:54.240 And I told you.

00:19:56.120 And then you said to him, blankety blank, if you talk like that anymore to her, you're out.

00:20:05.580 That is not permitted.

00:20:07.480 And I did?

00:20:09.480 I don't even remember.

00:20:10.860 Well, good for me.

00:20:12.660 And then he got with your now ex-husband and said, you know, I've got to get her out of here.

00:20:23.420 And so...

00:20:23.960 You?

00:20:24.320 Yeah.

00:20:25.100 And then there was another gal on the show.

00:20:29.460 And she was after me, too, because she wanted to be your best friend.

00:20:33.880 It's always like that.

00:20:34.740 And, like, she goes, I'm from Michigan, and we should hang out.

00:20:39.420 And she kept hanging out with me, befriending me.

00:20:41.760 And you should get Roseanne, because we could all be friends, and we could all hang out.

00:20:46.900 And I'm like, okay.

00:20:47.900 Because I'm like, go-do, you know.

00:20:50.080 You know, not thinking, I'm naive.

00:20:54.140 And then she got to be friends with you.

00:20:57.900 And then she knew all the...

00:20:59.860 She became friends with all the celebrities.

00:21:02.300 And then she's like, let's go see, you know, this person in concert and blah, blah, blah.

00:21:08.140 And so then you guys became friends.

00:21:11.160 And then she had an ax to grind.

00:21:13.520 She tried to get me off the show.

00:21:15.360 She called with your publicist at the time, the redhead.

00:21:19.940 And they were both on the...

00:21:22.420 Lesbian witch.

00:21:23.480 Lesbian witch.

00:21:24.620 And they both were on the phone trying to get me to talk smack about you saying stuff and trying to...

00:21:30.140 And I didn't, but I didn't know.

00:21:33.780 And then that girl, the publicist, told me that that happened.

00:21:38.540 And I was like, holy shit.

00:21:40.320 So then, like, I remember we did the Tower Records show where you performed.

00:21:48.060 This is how long ago.

00:21:49.580 Tower Records hasn't been there in a long time on Sunset Boulevard.

00:21:52.860 And she hired, behind my back, hired Janet Jackson's makeup artist and someone else's hair person.

00:22:01.980 And didn't even tell me.

00:22:03.680 And then I get in there and they're doing her hair and makeup.

00:22:06.420 And she was like, bloating.

00:22:09.040 I was?

00:22:10.060 No, this person.

00:22:11.680 Sherry Peloci.

00:22:13.660 Pelosi.

00:22:14.580 Sherry Pelosi.

00:22:16.000 Sherry Pelosi.

00:22:16.680 It's a code name, by the way.

00:22:18.940 And she wasn't a celebrity.

00:22:20.300 She was, like, behind the scenes on the show.

00:22:21.680 This was a fraudulent name, of course.

00:22:24.460 But this was a woman that worked on the show.

00:22:26.060 Yes.

00:22:26.460 The talk show.

00:22:27.320 Yes.

00:22:28.100 And so then, at the Tower Records thing, I just...

00:22:33.340 You know, she had goaded me so much.

00:22:35.600 She did something really bad.

00:22:38.100 What's her name?

00:22:39.440 Oh, God, I can't remember her name.

00:22:40.780 She's a big actress.

00:22:44.160 Berticelli.

00:22:45.600 Valerie Bertinelli?

00:22:47.080 No.

00:22:48.100 Berticelli.

00:22:48.540 I don't know Berticelli.

00:22:48.960 The one whose mom was a big...

00:22:51.680 A 40s actress.

00:22:54.440 Oh, God, I can't remember.

00:22:55.840 But she told her, Roseanne said, you go fuck yourself.

00:22:59.740 And then I saw her go on David Letterman and said, Roseanne is a pig and so rude.

00:23:05.520 And I go, what did you do?

00:23:08.620 And she laughed it off.

00:23:10.160 Okay.

00:23:10.900 Okay, yeah.

00:23:12.300 So, she thinks...

00:23:14.040 She thinks I told her to go fuck herself.

00:23:15.440 So, I hate Hollywood.

00:23:16.500 This is why I hate Hollywood.

00:23:17.260 So, that night, I...

00:23:20.100 Isabella Rossellini.

00:23:21.680 Oh, my God.

00:23:22.820 Yeah.

00:23:24.640 She thinks I told her to go fuck herself.

00:23:27.000 And she didn't.

00:23:28.160 No.

00:23:29.140 You didn't.

00:23:29.900 No, I admire her.

00:23:30.960 Okay, Isabella Rossellini, Roseanne admires you.

00:23:34.780 Yes, I did.

00:23:35.440 And I never said anything bad about you.

00:23:37.680 No.

00:23:37.880 Okay, continue.

00:23:39.140 So, that night, I'm a cancer, like you, Jake.

00:23:43.460 And she's Scorpio, which they're very similar, but they have the stinger.

00:23:48.360 Yeah.

00:23:48.600 And they are a little crazier.

00:23:50.080 We're very sensitive.

00:23:51.460 Yeah.

00:23:52.100 But...

00:23:52.780 She always says that.

00:23:53.820 Here's the thing is, if you...

00:23:56.820 You can only go so far with a cancer, and then you're going to go off.

00:24:01.360 Yeah.

00:24:01.680 OJ was a cancer.

00:24:02.800 Mike Tyson's a cancer.

00:24:03.520 Right.

00:24:03.880 Serial killer.

00:24:04.580 Right.

00:24:05.720 OJ was a cancer.

00:24:07.400 Yeah.

00:24:07.520 He went off.

00:24:08.760 Can't push us too far.

00:24:10.280 Oh, we got to get into Kato.

00:24:11.740 But anyway, quickly.

00:24:13.460 Um, I lost it on her, and I poked her in the chest, and I go, you're a fucking bitch.

00:24:21.680 I fucking hate you.

00:24:23.460 You could go to hell.

00:24:24.920 And I kept pointing in her chest, and I just lost it.

00:24:28.880 And I go, how dare you?

00:24:30.760 And then she told you...

00:24:32.300 That's right.

00:24:34.720 Well, bleep.

00:24:35.260 Yeah.

00:24:35.700 Yeah.

00:24:36.340 Say bleep for...

00:24:37.740 Bleep.

00:24:38.300 Regret.

00:24:38.800 Yeah.

00:24:39.420 Regret.

00:24:39.840 That's what we say.

00:24:40.780 Okay.

00:24:41.560 Bleep.

00:24:41.800 And she told him, I, um, accosted her and assaulted her, and they were going to get me

00:24:49.640 on charges, because I did, like, really point into her chest, like, I was going to fucking

00:24:54.800 strangle her.

00:24:56.540 And he called me.

00:24:58.200 I remember I was with my friend Ellie Corino at Barney's Greengrass, having lunch, like,

00:25:04.700 a nice little happy time.

00:25:06.200 And he called, and he goes, this isn't the Shannon Show, this is the Roseanne Show, and

00:25:13.620 you're fired, and you're out, and, you know, you accosted one of our people, and you are

00:25:21.780 fired.

00:25:25.500 And then you went to China, right?

00:25:27.280 And I went to China.

00:25:28.760 Yeah.

00:25:29.180 Anyway.

00:25:29.760 That's the end of that story.

00:25:31.200 Okay.

00:25:31.620 So let's do an ad then.

00:25:33.060 Yeah.

00:25:33.260 And we'll come back with more.

00:25:34.560 Well, I'll just set this up.

00:25:35.760 TWC, these med kits.

00:25:37.320 And, and, have you got one of these yet?

00:25:39.700 No.

00:25:40.160 What is it?

00:25:40.420 Shan, you got to get one.

00:25:41.220 Dude, do you not watch this podcast?

00:25:42.500 What the hell's wrong with you?

00:25:43.100 I'm just kidding.

00:25:43.480 Yeah.

00:25:43.920 The Wellness Company.

00:25:45.040 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:25:46.000 That's got all the stuff in the meds.

00:25:47.520 You got to get that.

00:25:48.500 Okay.

00:25:48.820 Well, they have a holiday travel med kit now.

00:25:51.800 What?

00:25:52.300 We'll get you one of them.

00:25:53.140 That's a dummy.

00:25:53.880 Oh, okay.

00:25:54.340 We have one.

00:25:55.200 The holidays are here, which means it's six seasons, sinus infections, strep throats, upper

00:25:59.380 respiratory.

00:26:00.180 It's that time of year.

00:26:01.460 So they came out with a holiday travel kit.

00:26:02.760 Plus, you know, they're going to release what the fuck all hell on us before Trump gets

00:26:08.240 instated.

00:26:08.860 And then the MKUltra shooters are going to go start shooting at people that run the-

00:26:12.860 Well, they better put, tell Dr. Drew to put in a bulletproof press along with the

00:26:18.800 iodine for the nuclear war coming.

00:26:21.720 We should be on the board of this company.

00:26:23.360 I know.

00:26:23.560 I know the best ideas every week.

00:26:24.980 But anyway, the wellness company's medical emergency kit, holiday travel kit.

00:26:28.960 I'll let you tell the people more.

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00:27:57.460 Order your kit now by heading to twc.help forward slash rb and use code rb to save up to $30 off in free shipping.

00:28:09.360 USA residents only.

00:28:11.340 So, Maya, you got some big projects coming up we can't talk about.

00:28:14.000 It's top secret.

00:28:14.680 That's actually why Shannon's here.

00:28:15.920 Top secret.

00:28:16.820 It's going to work.

00:28:17.280 You guys are going to love it.

00:28:18.380 That's all I'm going to say.

00:28:19.340 I'm starting a porn.

00:28:20.800 Granny porn.

00:28:21.880 Granny porn.

00:28:23.640 She's so hot.

00:28:24.840 She is.

00:28:25.680 That's why she's got to lose the weight.

00:28:27.420 Well, that's what you said.

00:28:28.340 You said you wanted to lose weight.

00:28:29.520 I don't think you need to lose weight.

00:28:30.580 I think you look better than ever, but you did tell me.

00:28:32.720 Well, I want to, you know, when I put on my, what's that?

00:28:36.980 Skims.

00:28:37.880 My Skims waist trainer.

00:28:40.280 I want it to be believable.

00:28:42.380 We love Skims, by the way.

00:28:44.200 We don't do Skims at all.

00:28:45.200 We love the Skims.

00:28:47.260 We love the Skims.

00:28:47.980 The thing that everybody does for weight loss, let's all be honest.

00:28:51.080 Well, Skims herself, Kim, she takes some weight loss help.

00:28:56.920 I mean, everybody needs some weight loss help.

00:28:58.940 So, what if you grow a third arm out of your head?

00:29:02.520 Well, what you're talking about are GLP-1s, which is the drug that's in Ozempic and all

00:29:07.980 this stuff.

00:29:08.320 Let's just get to it.

00:29:09.280 They're weekly injections.

00:29:10.540 We have a new sponsor.

00:29:11.380 Mom's really excited about this one.

00:29:12.720 I'm excited.

00:29:13.940 Hers is a company on Hymns that does the boner pills and stuff.

00:29:16.920 Oh, yeah.

00:29:17.520 Hers has a thing.

00:29:18.540 Shannon knows all about Hymns.

00:29:20.020 Well, hers is-

00:29:21.920 Now, I've seen the ads.

00:29:23.000 Oh.

00:29:23.300 Yeah.

00:29:23.540 No, hers is a great company.

00:29:24.980 You can call them.

00:29:27.240 You can set up.

00:29:28.140 It's as little as like $200 a month and you can actually get the Ozempic, or it's not

00:29:32.160 Ozempic, but you can get the GLP-1 shot delivered to your house.

00:29:34.740 You have to call a doctor.

00:29:35.960 You got to go through the whole process.

00:29:37.180 You don't just order the pills and they come or the shots.

00:29:38.980 But let's say you get approved, you can actually start doing these injections for as little

00:29:43.520 as $200 a month through hers, and it's all the rage.

00:29:47.500 Everyone loses weight, and you're going to have a doctor here that sets you up so you're

00:29:51.860 not worried about the third arm growing out of your head because, like anything, as long

00:29:55.240 as you don't abuse it, I'm sure that's fine.

00:29:56.780 I got two months.

00:29:57.840 I could lose 25 pounds in two months.

00:29:59.340 I've had so many friends do it, and they feel great.

00:30:02.700 You know, it's like-

00:30:03.680 We saw Jack Kay.

00:30:04.700 Remember how good Jack Kay is?

00:30:06.340 Yes, Jack Kay.

00:30:06.820 She did.

00:30:07.320 She looks so good.

00:30:08.580 Doesn't she look good?

00:30:09.960 Yes.

00:30:10.280 I was always afraid if she lost weight, her head would look way too big for her body.

00:30:14.380 No, she looked amazing.

00:30:14.740 But her head was looking good on her body, and she was shapely and hot-looking, wasn't

00:30:21.080 she?

00:30:21.560 Yeah.

00:30:22.020 She's a doll.

00:30:22.340 In all the old days, these GLP-1s, these were only available to celebrities and rich people.

00:30:26.680 Right.

00:30:26.800 She did it, actually, because she had diabetes.

00:30:28.600 Yes, that's what she said.

00:30:29.720 She did it for the real reason.

00:30:30.600 So rich people started stealing the diabetes meds to lose weight.

00:30:33.220 But anyway, now because of companies like hers, you have access to these weight loss programs.

00:30:37.660 I am so excited.

00:30:38.680 Program's on your own.

00:30:39.040 You don't have to be rich or famous, so tell the people where to go.

00:30:41.000 Okay.

00:30:41.360 Start your free online visit today at 4hers.com slash Roseanne.

00:30:47.360 That's 4hers.com slash Roseanne for your personalized weight loss treatment options.

00:30:54.960 4hers.com slash Roseanne.

00:30:57.340 Hers weight loss is not available everywhere.

00:31:00.220 Compounded products are not FDA approved or verified for safety, effectiveness, or quality.

00:31:06.640 Prescription is required.

00:31:08.860 Restrictions apply.

00:31:09.980 But, oh, my God, I hope I make it because I really, you know, I'm a shopaholic.

00:31:17.040 And if I could go down to a size 10, oh, my God, I would spend all my money on getting the cutest clothes that I've ever been to wear them in my new project.

00:31:28.720 What size are you now?

00:31:31.260 L.

00:31:32.840 How far to a 10?

00:31:34.100 Is this like a month or two?

00:31:35.380 I'm a 46.

00:31:37.280 That's Italian.

00:31:39.160 I'm just saying you could get to your goal pretty quickly, right?

00:31:42.440 Is that a 12?

00:31:43.420 It's a 12.

00:31:44.400 Okay.

00:31:44.560 Here's the other thing is, you know, when you're-

00:31:47.560 But if I could get to a 10, I could wear like any, I could go shop anywhere except for in like Japan because I think they do fake sizes of the Japanese.

00:31:58.220 Remember Godzilla sizing?

00:32:00.440 Remember that with Jackie?

00:32:01.760 We're with Jackie.

00:32:02.960 We're with Jackie B, you know?

00:32:04.940 She weighs a good 400.

00:32:10.020 And we were, where were we?

00:32:12.980 We were at the Coliseum in Rome and she tried to buy a shirt.

00:32:15.340 And there was an Asian selling shirts and we went up there and I said, in Rome.

00:32:20.720 Right.

00:32:20.880 And I said, we were on a gay cruise.

00:32:23.380 We were the entertainment.

00:32:24.340 And so I said, do you have L?

00:32:31.000 Do you have XL?

00:32:32.120 I think I wore XL then.

00:32:33.340 I go, do you have XL for t-shirts about the Coliseum?

00:32:36.340 And he goes, oh yeah.

00:32:38.440 I'm going to do my Asian accent now.

00:32:40.640 Oh yeah.

00:32:41.160 We got A, we got A, we got S, we got S, we got S, S, and then he looks at Jackie.

00:32:48.240 He goes, we got King Kong size.

00:32:51.420 We got King Kong size.

00:32:53.380 He was, he's so, she was so heartbreaking.

00:32:55.480 Then we found her later on the cruise ship just eating ice cream at three in the morning.

00:32:58.580 He's just devastated.

00:32:59.120 We did a cruise with her.

00:33:00.760 Yeah.

00:33:01.080 Yeah.

00:33:01.700 Yeah.

00:33:01.720 That, but she's a libtard.

00:33:03.040 So whatever.

00:33:03.700 Anyway.

00:33:03.780 We were the only girls on the boat.

00:33:05.200 I know.

00:33:06.660 We had fun dancing with all the gay guys.

00:33:09.400 Yeah.

00:33:09.560 Gays love you.

00:33:10.280 We went on the gay cruise.

00:33:11.720 No.

00:33:11.940 Jake walked up on the deck.

00:33:13.500 He was with us.

00:33:14.540 I was young out of air.

00:33:15.480 He was young and doing my slideshow.

00:33:17.720 Uh-huh.

00:33:18.400 I danced with the gays.

00:33:19.920 He danced with the gays too, but then he walked up at night on the deck, which somebody

00:33:24.900 should have told him not to do.

00:33:26.320 And he'd run into a sandwich.

00:33:27.940 BJ.

00:33:28.600 Three men in a sandwich.

00:33:30.420 No, it's an Eiffel Tower.

00:33:31.600 No, I remember saying.

00:33:32.920 Eiffel Tower.

00:33:33.820 Yeah.

00:33:34.000 Do you want me to break this down what this is?

00:33:36.240 Yeah, what is an Eiffel Tower?

00:33:37.300 Jake explains to his mother.

00:33:38.940 Eiffel Tower is two guys standing and then, or it's also known as a spit roast.

00:33:43.020 And then the one-

00:33:43.620 Oh, the one's the oral and the other one's the back end.

00:33:46.220 Frightened back.

00:33:47.120 And then to complete the Eiffel Tower, the two guys standing will hold hands.

00:33:50.160 So it looks like an Eiffel Tower.

00:33:51.660 Oh, MG.

00:33:52.840 I never heard that.

00:33:53.420 Or a spit roast.

00:33:54.620 Also works.

00:33:54.980 I heard of that one.

00:33:56.560 But I saw it in a silhouette.

00:33:58.020 So you have to understand, I looked up and it was just black.

00:33:59.960 You were like, am I in France?

00:34:01.300 Are you traumatized?

00:34:02.140 Did you think you were in Paris?

00:34:04.520 You're like, oui, oui.

00:34:06.060 I was traumatized the minute we got on that boat because I was the only heterosexual guy.

00:34:09.520 And this, I was younger and had hair and I looked good then.

00:34:11.920 I was doing martial arts.

00:34:12.600 Yeah, they was all thinking he was hot and hot stuff.

00:34:14.380 Oh, I got notes slid under my door.

00:34:15.860 I was there with my gay uncles and someone went up to him and said, can we borrow your

00:34:18.760 boy tonight?

00:34:20.200 And I was not-

00:34:20.960 My brother and his husband were with us.

00:34:22.880 Let's put it this way.

00:34:23.580 Did you have the bob?

00:34:24.780 No, no.

00:34:25.160 This is like the best I've ever-

00:34:27.280 This is like my peak.

00:34:28.600 Oh.

00:34:29.120 So what's really-

00:34:29.880 That was about my brother.

00:34:30.120 Like, I was not homophobic.

00:34:31.620 I'm very open-minded.

00:34:32.460 But by the end of that fucking cruise, I was homophobic.

00:34:34.960 That's all I'm going to say.

00:34:35.920 Fear.

00:34:36.040 I got hit on and I saw the spit roast.

00:34:38.260 And I'll tell the story and then I'll back off.

00:34:39.340 Did your butt punch-

00:34:41.080 I just went to my room, but I went to mom's room because she was the star of the boat.

00:34:44.660 So she had like a balcony, like a big balcony.

00:34:46.580 And I was like, man, I can't take it before I go.

00:34:48.520 It was like what it was like to be a hot chick, I imagine.

00:34:50.940 Just guys leering and never experienced that before.

00:34:53.320 So I came to mom and I was like, I just got to get out.

00:34:55.560 I just need fresh air.

00:34:56.260 And I went out in her balcony.

00:34:57.280 She's like, just go look at the Mediterranean and relax.

00:34:59.300 It's okay.

00:34:59.880 So I went out, put my elbows out of the thing.

00:35:02.200 And I was like, this isn't so bad, you know?

00:35:04.540 And I looked up and a guy and his boyfriend were on their balcony.

00:35:08.220 And it was-

00:35:08.860 Gay people don't love make from what I can see.

00:35:11.060 Because those are two things-

00:35:12.020 They don't what?

00:35:13.060 They don't make love.

00:35:13.760 It's aggressive.

00:35:14.420 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:35:15.140 So the guy was-

00:35:15.980 They're slamming the ham.

00:35:17.020 Oh, he had both his ears and he was just throating them.

00:35:20.460 Oh, shit.

00:35:21.080 And I was like-

00:35:22.180 And I got horrified and I was like, go inside, go inside before they see.

00:35:24.880 And here's the worst part.

00:35:26.340 They both noticed me.

00:35:27.560 And the guy on the bottom, getting throat pounded, made eye contact with me.

00:35:32.500 Like this.

00:35:32.940 And I saw it running on his cheek.

00:35:34.320 Oh, shit.

00:35:34.940 And I just froze.

00:35:36.000 And I said, that's it.

00:35:36.660 And I stayed in my room for three days.

00:35:38.140 Trauma.

00:35:39.160 Anyway.

00:35:39.500 The trauma.

00:35:40.840 No, I remember seeing top, bottom, on the doors.

00:35:45.740 Yeah, everybody had their doors, Mark.

00:35:47.760 Versatile.

00:35:48.520 And they had the bandanas.

00:35:48.760 Which means they'll do either.

00:35:50.240 Yeah.

00:35:50.640 Anyway.

00:35:50.920 Anyway.

00:35:52.400 Okay.

00:35:52.540 But enough about you.

00:35:54.700 I'm cracking up in my white cloth.

00:35:57.080 Sorry.

00:35:57.620 I got to have a drink.

00:35:58.940 You didn't bring me a cup.

00:36:00.320 I thought you were just going to be right out of the-

00:36:01.440 You can just slug out of it.

00:36:02.400 There wasn't much left.

00:36:03.700 Just slug.

00:36:04.080 Fuck, it's Roseanne Bar Podcast.

00:36:05.300 Just drink right out of the bottle.

00:36:06.340 So, anyways.

00:36:07.260 All right.

00:36:07.400 Back to you.

00:36:07.820 Now, back in the day, I was going to say, you were always the single gal and I was always

00:36:13.240 the married gal, right?

00:36:14.780 Three times.

00:36:16.440 Yeah, you were with me through three-

00:36:18.300 You was with me through three husbands.

00:36:22.580 For fucks.

00:36:23.360 Three husband, man.

00:36:24.860 Well, I didn't know you with Tom, but I did know Bill and Becky, your ex, Jake's dad.

00:36:32.940 And that's interesting because that was my dad, who was her first husband, and then they

00:36:36.820 didn't talk for a while, and then he came back to work for her.

00:36:39.500 So, you knew him when he was like her assistant.

00:36:40.980 That was my dad.

00:36:41.900 And Becky was her assistant.

00:36:43.520 That's my dad's wife.

00:36:44.640 And Becky, his dad's wife.

00:36:47.260 And they are liberals.

00:36:50.020 So, there's that.

00:36:51.720 Yeah, they're still libtarded.

00:36:54.120 Still watching the Rachel Maddow.

00:36:56.860 They're probably trying.

00:36:59.580 Too bad.

00:37:00.560 So sad.

00:37:00.780 I don't know what they're thinking.

00:37:01.960 Do you know what they're thinking?

00:37:03.420 Out of respect, I did not text dad after the election, except to talk about the Broncos

00:37:08.540 because I knew he wasn't.

00:37:09.640 I was really genuinely concerned about his-

00:37:13.740 I'm sad for all of them.

00:37:15.240 I want to say, choke on it, bitch.

00:37:17.240 But, you know, I want to or wanted to, but then I was like, man, their whole thing just

00:37:23.140 got bummed out.

00:37:24.360 And that's what happened to us in 2020.

00:37:25.720 It's not easy to go through.

00:37:26.600 I was the same with a friend who actually introduced me to my now husband, 24-

00:37:31.960 14 years ago.

00:37:33.680 I've known her 24 years.

00:37:36.340 She wrote to me and said, if you vote for Trump, you are ruining my life.

00:37:41.920 And I said, I am not ruining your life.

00:37:45.840 I love you.

00:37:46.960 Please don't do this.

00:37:48.040 Don't separate our friendship.

00:37:49.900 I value and love you.

00:37:51.640 And she cut me off and blocked me.

00:37:55.520 And then I was going to write to her nacho president, and it's Kamala with a Mexican hat

00:38:03.740 on.

00:38:04.560 And John goes, send it to her.

00:38:06.180 Send it to her.

00:38:06.740 And I go, no, that's disrespectful, like you with your dad.

00:38:11.500 And then she sends me a thing.

00:38:13.580 I hope you're happy.

00:38:15.960 I hope you suffer.

00:38:18.600 And it was like this whole mean thing.

00:38:20.560 And I was like, I love you.

00:38:23.300 God is in control now.

00:38:25.220 Not any of us.

00:38:26.440 This is all God.

00:38:27.660 Yep.

00:38:28.400 And she didn't write back because they never do.

00:38:31.160 Well, they're so full of hate and fear, aren't they?

00:38:33.280 It is hate and fear.

00:38:34.120 They're homophobic, humanophobic.

00:38:36.980 It is hate and fear.

00:38:38.380 They hate humans.

00:38:39.220 They do.

00:38:39.600 She's probably happy, though, now, because one of them shot the head of this fucking

00:38:44.720 They're all gleeful over the fucking guy assassinating somebody now.

00:38:48.620 So perk up.

00:38:49.440 You lost the election, but now you have people being murdered in the street.

00:38:51.680 Didn't you say Taylor Lorenz is like, yeah, let's have more of this shooting people dead

00:38:55.160 in the street.

00:38:55.420 Taylor Lorenz, for those who don't know, is a former Washington Post journalist.

00:38:59.140 Oh, I didn't know who that was.

00:38:59.720 She's the one that doxed Chaillon, or whatever her name is, the Libs of TikTok, that

00:39:03.860 was like that great account.

00:39:06.920 So Kaia didn't want to be famous.

00:39:09.600 And Taylor doxed her and said, here's a white woman that's in real estate.

00:39:12.860 Here's her name and address.

00:39:13.620 She's the one that runs this account going after trans kids.

00:39:15.980 So Taylor is horrible.

00:39:17.060 She got fired.

00:39:17.160 She's Jewish.

00:39:18.200 But she, after the shooting, said, I am so, like, I have joy over this.

00:39:22.840 And then posted immediately, like, another CEO of another pharmaceutical company.

00:39:30.220 But I think Joe Biden sent him the signal because he came out of that bookstore with that book,

00:39:36.420 the Middle East with no Israel, proudly.

00:39:40.280 And I think that was his cue to Antifa and BLM, who are now in the pro-Palestinian movement.

00:39:47.900 They're the same kids.

00:39:49.720 American kids.

00:39:49.960 Do you think it was like a Catcher in the Rye thing, like the London shooting?

00:39:52.940 No, a book called.

00:39:54.560 No.

00:39:55.240 What I'm saying is the MKUltra, remember, they used Catcher in the Rye in a lot of those

00:39:58.000 shootings.

00:39:58.300 Oh, yeah.

00:39:58.920 That's what he was doing, yeah.

00:40:00.080 Wow.

00:40:00.660 That's to signal all the Islamic cells that Obama and them brought over here, Valerie Jarrett

00:40:07.900 and Biden, all of them.

00:40:09.680 Get into this.

00:40:10.380 You know, he says it's, that was his signal, it's go time.

00:40:15.440 And it was go time, too, until something else happened, because I've been saying for a long

00:40:21.460 time since Y2K, which really did happen on the mental plane.

00:40:27.140 Y2K did happen.

00:40:29.080 It was a reset on the mental plane.

00:40:31.400 And it was, you know, the reset of the beginning of the end.

00:40:38.140 And so, because the third thing came into manifestation.

00:40:44.440 Because before, computer code, Y2K created the zero, the thing between the twin towers.

00:40:55.440 This is all the worry, deep shit.

00:40:57.480 I love this.

00:40:58.060 But, so, the fool is the zero.

00:41:02.180 And that's the third thing.

00:41:04.020 The fool.

00:41:04.420 That's Biden.

00:41:05.980 No.

00:41:06.520 Oh.

00:41:06.840 It's the third thing.

00:41:08.340 And the third thing has happened.

00:41:10.740 And I think the reality of the third thing in manifestation was Israel blowing up the pagers.

00:41:20.560 Sorry, real quick.

00:41:21.240 What was the first and second thing, just for context?

00:41:23.100 They were the twin towers of computer coding, two ones with a space.

00:41:29.840 Okay.

00:41:30.540 So, Y2K was the first two and the third is?

00:41:33.380 No.

00:41:34.940 Y2K introduces the zero.

00:41:38.800 In the computer code.

00:41:39.520 Yeah.

00:41:39.880 People remember Y2K when it turned to 2000.

00:41:42.080 Uh-huh.

00:41:42.260 Uh-huh.

00:41:42.660 Uh-huh.

00:41:43.360 Because here's only 1999.

00:41:43.660 They said everything is going to stop.

00:41:45.320 The grids.

00:41:46.160 The computers didn't.

00:41:47.020 Nothing bad.

00:41:47.380 The computers took on the third thing, the zero, the placeholder.

00:41:51.960 But the placeholder has a mathematical equation to it.

00:41:57.000 So, October 7th?

00:41:58.380 The physics stuff, huh?

00:41:59.700 Then October 7th was the third thing you're saying?

00:42:02.480 Or what was the third thing?

00:42:03.500 The third thing is the third reality out of dualism.

00:42:08.240 We left dualism.

00:42:10.040 Oh, okay.

00:42:10.140 I got you.

00:42:10.380 And we got to a new way of thinking.

00:42:15.400 Is this like a whole new dimension?

00:42:17.300 Okay.

00:42:17.880 I'm into this.

00:42:19.200 I'm so into this.

00:42:20.100 Okay.

00:42:20.620 Continue.

00:42:20.940 Well, because now that Trump's and people are, I'm seeing more religious things on Netflix.

00:42:29.160 I just watched a movie about Mary.

00:42:31.300 Oh, I was going to say they brought all this because they were doing their Iran deal slash

00:42:38.600 ISIS slash Hezbollah slash Hamas thing.

00:42:42.540 They're all the same thing.

00:42:43.720 But those pagers changed the whole Middle East and the world, them blowing up.

00:42:50.540 Oh, yeah.

00:42:51.060 And then what happened after that was with the fall of Syria, that's the fall of Iran.

00:43:02.740 That's the end of Vijay's dream of, you know, her compadres controlling everything in the

00:43:13.960 Middle East.

00:43:14.560 Of course, she, you know, they all work for the same Swiss bank accounts.

00:43:21.380 But, yeah, it's like third thing.

00:43:24.120 So, you think this shooter, the United Healthcare shooter was part of this or that's what started

00:43:29.180 this conversation is what I'm asking?

00:43:30.440 Or is that just a weird coincidence?

00:43:32.100 No, he's an op that they have.

00:43:34.500 You know, he probably was dressed up like Antifa last year.

00:43:37.920 Well, he's a rich kid.

00:43:39.800 Well, they're all rich kids.

00:43:41.320 Yeah.

00:43:41.460 All of the street gangs, it's so funny.

00:43:44.540 Not all of them, but a very high percentage of them are, what do you call it?

00:43:50.420 Trust fund.

00:43:51.060 Trust funders.

00:43:51.880 Communists.

00:43:52.360 Uh-huh.

00:43:52.840 Trust fund communists as if there could be such a thing.

00:43:55.740 That's a thing.

00:43:56.980 Yeah.

00:43:57.480 You actually said this about Occupy Wall Street that I always thought was so cool.

00:44:00.820 Yeah, I said that.

00:44:00.860 You said you were in the street and you realized that it was just the kids of the dads that worked

00:44:03.960 on Wall Street.

00:44:04.780 Bite in the hand that feeds them out of their privileged arrogance.

00:44:07.460 You're absolutely right.

00:44:08.300 And this kid is like a trust fund kid.

00:44:10.200 That's what he is.

00:44:11.060 I mean, it's allegedly the alleged shooter.

00:44:12.340 But they're saying that Nancy Pelosi.

00:44:16.160 Allegedly.

00:44:17.480 Allegedly.

00:44:17.960 Allegedly, who knows his family because her dad was the head of the mafia in Baltimore.

00:44:23.580 There seems to be a connection.

00:44:24.600 Yeah, there's a little of the Costa Nostra in there through her line and her being.

00:44:34.420 But they say that that kid was in the mix in her circle and took down this CEO of an insurance

00:44:45.900 company, which I told you like three podcasts ago, the health insurance company is going

00:44:51.440 to fall flat for insuring all this transgender surgery on kids.

00:44:58.420 Americans, when they figure out they have to stop that because it's nothing but Nazi science

00:45:05.240 and non-consenting victims and their fat, bipolar mothers, single mothers that have been brainwashed.

00:45:15.940 They're going to have to stop it because we can't be part of an insurance company that

00:45:21.720 does irreversible sexual experiments on little children.

00:45:28.720 We can't have that in America.

00:45:31.060 Absolutely not.

00:45:31.760 But anyway, so they said that he, the CEO, was possibly going to testify about insider trading,

00:45:40.180 which Nancy Pelosi, of course, is the queen of.

00:45:43.240 That's how she got $250 million in a vineyard and all kind of houses.

00:45:47.940 And Gavin Newsom, too, was insider trading, which they're allowed to do in Congress, even

00:45:53.660 though they locked up their friend Martha Stewart for it.

00:45:56.940 Of course.

00:45:57.240 She was the, she was the.

00:45:58.880 And that was Comey that went after her.

00:46:00.060 One that went down, yeah.

00:46:00.860 The patsy.

00:46:01.800 Yeah.

00:46:02.660 And, and so they say the guy was going to testify on that and then he got.

00:46:07.160 So you think.

00:46:07.900 Gunned down by a friend.

00:46:10.200 He's a child of a friend of the Pelosi family.

00:46:13.540 So this was Michael Corleone.

00:46:15.100 Who was going to testify about congressional insider trading.

00:46:19.140 So you think the, the Pelosi crime family sent an assassin?

00:46:24.660 Allegedly.

00:46:25.380 A theory.

00:46:26.500 Theory.

00:46:26.740 Well, that's what people are saying on the internet.

00:46:29.160 Yeah.

00:46:29.380 I think there's, I think it's fascinating and it's probably true, but I mean, we don't

00:46:34.080 know yet.

00:46:34.420 He did have a manifesto.

00:46:35.840 He does seem to have kind of a sordid past.

00:46:39.220 He had an injury.

00:46:40.260 He was on ayahuasca and mushrooms.

00:46:43.280 Mm-hmm.

00:46:44.560 There's tweets.

00:46:45.100 He's addicted to the McDonald's hash browns.

00:46:47.880 Well, I mean, who is it?

00:46:48.740 That's where they found him.

00:46:49.480 No, I told you that's that allegedly that's Bill Gates putting the fetus meat in the hash

00:46:56.920 browns as well as the hamburgers over there.

00:46:58.880 And once you turn cannibal, you don't go back.

00:47:02.920 Wait, I love McDonald's.

00:47:07.520 Do you get a craving for it every now and then?

00:47:09.980 Oh, I love the McRib.

00:47:14.940 They said they found a note with him saying, I shot this guy and the gun and the ghost

00:47:21.540 gun that looks just like the gun he used.

00:47:23.480 I love that he printed it on a 3D printer.

00:47:27.080 What the fuck kind of world are we living in when they do shit like that?

00:47:31.920 Can I print a waist on a 3D printer?

00:47:36.600 You can.

00:47:37.600 You definitely.

00:47:38.020 When you get hers.

00:47:39.100 You can print body parts on a printer.

00:47:41.840 They have that.

00:47:42.260 And put them on your body?

00:47:43.180 You and I can't do it, but there is the technology that exists in some of these companies.

00:47:46.300 Good God, and we're still living like pigs in mud.

00:47:47.620 They've printed a human ear.

00:47:49.380 Look at all the shit we've got available to us and we can't get the food to the hungry

00:47:53.700 kids.

00:47:54.400 I know.

00:47:54.840 We're nothing but shit.

00:47:56.000 We are.

00:47:56.440 I know.

00:47:56.820 But anyway, so that's a fascinating theory.

00:47:59.380 And whatever, we'll wait to see what happens.

00:48:01.180 We wanted to cover the shooting more, but we just, we decided as a podcast we're going

00:48:05.000 to wait.

00:48:05.020 Any other way where I said Syria fell while the Syrian people were out dancing in the streets thanking

00:48:10.400 Israel for getting rid of, you know, the Uber Menchin, whatever they're called.

00:48:18.360 What's the Uber Menchin?

00:48:19.120 Isn't that your friend lives in Syria?

00:48:22.120 Yeah.

00:48:22.720 Your friend lives there.

00:48:23.680 The opposite of the master race that is the head of the new world order.

00:48:31.560 You know, they lost.

00:48:33.860 Ha, ha, ha, I told you God was going to get you.

00:48:36.660 Ha, ha, ha, fuck you.

00:48:39.660 He's coming for you big time, too.

00:48:41.800 In just a couple weeks, on Hanukkah, enjoy.

00:48:46.300 Can we talk about the pardons?

00:48:49.540 The Hunter Biden pardon?

00:48:50.820 Yeah, we can talk about.

00:48:52.060 What did you think of the Hunter Biden pardon?

00:48:55.500 Terrible.

00:48:56.020 Well, I think Trump should, you know, go back.

00:49:00.380 Can't Trump go back and take the pardon away?

00:49:03.860 No.

00:49:04.200 No, you can't take the pardon away.

00:49:05.420 But you can.

00:49:05.940 He can take the pardon away in one case.

00:49:08.800 Which one?

00:49:09.800 If SCOTUS hears the Brunson case, which is on the docket for January 6th.

00:49:16.020 If SCOTUS considers and approves that lawsuit, it will result in the arrest of everybody in Congress that verified the 2020 election.

00:49:31.260 The Brunson case is saying that the certification of 2020 was an illegal certification.

00:49:35.080 So that's the case coming.

00:49:36.380 And the Supreme Court accepted to hear it.

00:49:39.260 It's in the docket.

00:49:40.000 Because all the other courts that had Soros judges on them would not even hear the evidence of fraud in the 2020 elections.

00:49:52.860 They wouldn't even look at the evidence.

00:49:55.260 So Brunson, a fellow Salt Lake City, Utah guy, and his brothers, they petitioned the court.

00:50:03.380 And it's the first time in American history that non-lawyer citizens got their lawsuit in the docket of the Supreme Court.

00:50:13.240 That's amazing.

00:50:13.740 And the clerks at the Supreme Court helped them.

00:50:16.540 Oh, good.

00:50:16.880 And advised them, gave them, you know, just miscellaneous advice, not real legal advice, but about how to file correctly.

00:50:25.320 And he did it, Roy Brunson, and it was accepted to be heard.

00:50:30.840 He has all the evidence because after, when they were, the reason they started the whole Jan 6 thing, Pelosi and them, was because they wanted to say that the FBI, I mean the Trumpers, were coming into the Capitol to overturn the win by Biden.

00:50:57.260 But that isn't, and that is not at all true.

00:51:01.700 Right.

00:51:02.060 But it was like a movie which Nancy got her daughter to film.

00:51:06.400 I don't know about that.

00:51:07.020 Because she's going to do it.

00:51:07.220 Yeah.

00:51:07.660 The documentary.

00:51:08.940 Uh-huh.

00:51:10.420 But they rope-a-doped us.

00:51:11.920 Yeah, they rope-a-doped us.

00:51:13.160 And then they let these people in.

00:51:16.300 That's brilliant.

00:51:17.240 And, you know, they had it all set up.

00:51:19.180 They had a Hollywood producer in on it.

00:51:21.080 Mm-hmm.

00:51:21.660 And then they just hurried and certified it after they said people were going to hang Mike Pence.

00:51:31.540 But what really happened was that 50 members of the, you know, house said,

00:51:38.800 it looks like the machines were connected to the internet, which wasn't supposed to happen.

00:51:46.640 There was a lot of fraud.

00:51:47.740 And on many fronts that things weren't supposed to happen and they were suspect.

00:51:52.220 Mm-hmm.

00:51:52.480 So we want, it needs to now, according to the Constitution, when a certain number of members

00:51:59.620 say this is calling for a recount or an audit, you're supposed to stop and have a meeting

00:52:08.280 with everyone called to order and then send it back to the states.

00:52:13.520 Ah.

00:52:13.920 They did none of that.

00:52:15.540 Yeah, of course they did.

00:52:16.420 Well, they did reject it.

00:52:18.760 They was, that process did start.

00:52:20.780 There was a couple of senators, I believe, from Arizona, don't hold me on the facts, but

00:52:24.620 they did say, hey, we need to go work this out in the chambers.

00:52:28.100 And that's when the smoke bombs went off and the feds, I'm sorry, the Patriot, the bad Trumpers

00:52:32.960 came into the Capitol.

00:52:34.080 And then at that point, you know, their lives were in danger.

00:52:37.480 Guns were shooting.

00:52:37.960 Yeah, because they were on the walkie-talkie with, you know, whichever congresswoman was running

00:52:45.540 the show and going, you know, 10-4, our Hollywood producer and director say.

00:52:51.880 Drop the smoke bombs.

00:52:53.060 Drop the smoke bombs.

00:52:53.400 So anyway, when Jan 6 happened and we breached the Capitol and we were shooting, killing everyone,

00:52:58.200 that's when they said, you know what?

00:52:59.700 We're in danger.

00:52:59.780 The only one person killed was Roseanne Boylan.

00:53:02.680 Boylan and Ashley Beavitt.

00:53:03.800 A Trumper.

00:53:04.500 I mean, well, they beat Roseanne Boylan to death, too.

00:53:07.160 And they shot Ashley Beavitt.

00:53:08.500 Yeah, they shot a Trumper.

00:53:09.460 But anyway, they said, after that, they're like, you know what?

00:53:12.000 Let's just certify this election.

00:53:13.140 It's been a crazy day.

00:53:13.960 And then they certify it.

00:53:15.720 I just want to say that my friend told me Trump was on Sunday.

00:53:22.560 I just want to tell everybody, send a letter to the Supreme Court and saying you're in, you

00:53:29.020 are in agreement with and are thankful that they're going to hear that case because we

00:53:36.620 got to write in in support of it and make our voices heard.

00:53:41.660 Because we can't have a free country without free elections.

00:53:47.300 Right.

00:53:47.740 We cannot.

00:53:48.700 And just because it's in the docket, I remember this from a lot of the election lawsuits, it

00:53:53.100 just basically goes in a folder where they decide if they're going to hear it.

00:53:57.080 They still might not hear it.

00:53:58.380 So it's giving them a little bit of pressure.

00:54:00.360 Yeah, like about 20 million letters from American writing.

00:54:03.640 Why not listen to the case?

00:54:04.560 I mean, didn't Trump get, I don't know what they say, he got 80 plus million votes this

00:54:09.140 time.

00:54:09.960 Seventies.

00:54:11.320 It was a red wave.

00:54:13.020 The whole country voted for him.

00:54:14.680 I don't know what the final count was.

00:54:15.280 Whatever, but if, if just a percentage, if not all of those people would write the Supreme

00:54:21.340 Court and say, we're in support of you hearing that case, that would be great for our country.

00:54:27.180 Well, 2020 needs to be audited.

00:54:28.680 And I'm, I'm, I'm hopeful that when Trump gets in, that that's what happens.

00:54:31.980 Because once you prove that Biden stole 2020, you, you destroy the deep state.

00:54:36.240 Well, one, if the Supreme Court rules that they certified illegally, they illegally certified,

00:54:44.920 which they did, an election, then that entire cabinet will be erased.

00:54:52.960 So Biden can't pardon Hunter.

00:54:54.960 Yeah.

00:54:56.220 That's where we got checkmate.

00:54:58.200 And none of that money is going to the Ukraine or any of them, other motherfuckers.

00:55:02.000 Yeah, no.

00:55:02.460 Because we're not going to fund ISIS and Hamas anymore.

00:55:06.740 That would be amazing.

00:55:07.480 So they, I know fraud, vitiates it.

00:55:09.920 What's the word?

00:55:11.080 Vitiates.

00:55:11.640 Fraud vitiates everything.

00:55:12.800 So if they do prove that Biden certified.

00:55:14.820 We're not going to have to need to start a war with Russia.

00:55:18.540 All right.

00:55:18.900 I'm down.

00:55:19.460 Russia's our friend.

00:55:20.680 Can we talk about shaving your balls real quick?

00:55:23.240 No way.

00:55:23.840 I just want to say Trump was on Kristen Welker Sunday morning, you know, weekend, whatever

00:55:30.180 it's called.

00:55:30.680 And my friend told me, he watched it.

00:55:33.080 I want to see it.

00:55:33.820 It's on YouTube.

00:55:34.580 And she goes, will you just admit that there was no fraud in the 2020 election?

00:55:40.980 He goes, why would I say that?

00:55:42.700 Yeah.

00:55:43.060 He said, no.

00:55:44.080 Yeah.

00:55:44.620 Why would you?

00:55:46.140 And then she's like, well, how did you win in 2024?

00:55:48.760 She's trying to feel it out for all her buddies that know they're going to get caught.

00:55:51.820 Yeah.

00:55:52.800 I mean, they lied every day since Trump was.

00:55:56.060 Oh, yeah.

00:55:56.500 I mean, they lied about Russia, Russia, Russia.

00:55:58.800 They lied about the jab.

00:56:00.600 The Ukraine.

00:56:01.000 They lied about that children need to not go to school.

00:56:04.020 That was bullshit.

00:56:04.960 Six feet was bullshit.

00:56:06.540 Masks were bullshit.

00:56:07.420 Six feet, masks.

00:56:08.580 Fauci needs to go to jail.

00:56:10.020 They're talking about pardoning.

00:56:11.240 Biden's going to pardon Fauci preemptively.

00:56:13.580 Yeah.

00:56:14.240 I don't know if they can do that.

00:56:15.820 I don't think they're not charged.

00:56:17.100 No.

00:56:17.220 You can't.

00:56:17.480 If you're not charged, you can't be pardoned for-

00:56:20.520 And if they pull that off, then we're going to have to do something.

00:56:25.480 That's all I'm going to say.

00:56:26.360 Wink, wink.

00:56:27.280 They cannot allow-

00:56:28.300 You can't preemptively pardon somebody.

00:56:29.980 Okay, what?

00:56:30.580 You need her to do another thing.

00:56:31.260 Here's what's happening, though, is that we're seeing stuff unfold.

00:56:34.660 For instance, we're seeing that Washington, D.C. is not a part of the United States of America.

00:56:41.980 That's true.

00:56:42.240 They have their own constitution, and it's different from the ones-

00:56:46.360 They're incorporated.

00:56:46.940 The states live under.

00:56:48.340 It's like the Vatican.

00:56:49.540 They are a nation unto themselves like the Vatican.

00:56:52.920 97% Democrat, my name.

00:56:54.860 Yeah, absolutely.

00:56:56.600 And you can see by the J6ers having not a right to a fair trial, not a right to a speedy trial.

00:57:03.760 No witnesses for their side, and no jury.

00:57:08.840 That is not the United States.

00:57:10.660 And it's being proven to us that that is a foreign-occupying government.

00:57:16.000 A hundred percent.

00:57:17.240 So, I mean, that's what Derek Johnson talks about.

00:57:20.460 When they are fully identified as being a foreign, a hostile, foreign-occupying government,

00:57:27.640 that's going to change America a lot.

00:57:30.160 It really, really is.

00:57:31.480 Good.

00:57:31.520 Well, I hope so, because they have to pardon Trump's-

00:57:35.800 Trump, I heard there's a lot of political pressure from his-

00:57:39.480 Because Trump's surrounded by idiots, saying that you can't pardon a lot of the J6ers.

00:57:43.060 This is what I've heard inside baseball.

00:57:45.580 But because Biden pardoned Hunter, Trump is now saying, hey, fuck it, I'm going to pardon J6ers.

00:57:50.280 And he truthed it out right away.

00:57:52.020 And on that same interview, he did say he was going to pardon a lot of the J6ers.

00:57:55.440 But some of the J6ers did do violent acts and went above and beyond.

00:57:59.960 I don't know that they're all going to be pardoned.

00:58:02.020 But he can certainly pardon people that weren't there, like Enrique, Toro, whatever.

00:58:05.600 He wasn't even fucking in D.C. at the time.

00:58:08.040 17 years or something.

00:58:09.260 You talked.

00:58:09.900 We did an episode.

00:58:10.400 So he has political cover to pardon a lot of the J6ers, which is good news.

00:58:15.860 Yeah, but check this out.

00:58:17.000 When Trump went to the Vatican, he removed all of America's gold from there.

00:58:21.180 When he went to England, he let the Queen know, when he sat in Church Hill's chair and

00:58:26.880 had walked in front of the Queen, he let everybody know that he had intended, on purpose, to break

00:58:34.560 the corporation.

00:58:35.780 And he did.

00:58:36.520 So he's breaking the corporation of the District of Columbia, which is not a state, has nothing

00:58:44.940 to do with America.

00:58:46.200 It decides where our kids are going to go fight for a rich man's oil.

00:58:50.960 It decides where our taxes go.

00:58:53.900 It decides where our money goes.

00:58:55.860 And it's not even a part of our fucking country.

00:58:57.720 And I bet no one knows that.

00:58:59.360 But how about no one knows that?

00:59:01.240 But how about, I'm telling them, and you're seeing, that is the old guard.

00:59:06.040 But surrounded by obelisks and pentagrams and fucking one goddamn devil-worshiping thing

00:59:17.340 after another, it's all going to go.

00:59:20.500 Daddy's home.

00:59:24.660 All right.

00:59:25.760 Before she blows it.

00:59:26.760 See, she spews out shit.

00:59:27.420 She does.

00:59:28.060 You're going to have to censor that, too.

00:59:30.120 No.

00:59:30.560 No.

00:59:31.060 No.

00:59:31.460 We're talking in code.

00:59:32.300 Ms. Trump is home.

00:59:33.440 Trump won.

00:59:33.740 I know.

00:59:34.260 You don't have to censor it.

00:59:35.420 All right, Mom.

00:59:36.040 Remember Manscaped, our favorite for you to shave your balls?

00:59:38.380 Speaking of daddy's home, your dad's home and he needs to shave his balls.

00:59:44.600 Well, hey.

00:59:46.660 Anyway, the holidays are sneaking up faster than your fourth cup of peppermint mocha.

00:59:51.220 God, I hate that.

00:59:51.760 I'll tell you.

00:59:52.640 Back in my day, the men never shaved their balls.

00:59:56.080 No, it's a new thing.

00:59:57.140 I have nothing to shave them with.

00:59:58.700 This is a God's gift for the younger men.

01:00:01.160 So that's right.

01:00:01.700 I'm going to let you talk, but the Chairman Pro Package from Manscaped is what we're selling.

01:00:06.240 And this is a great product because they do razors.

01:00:10.240 You can shave your face with the razors.

01:00:11.540 They're great.

01:00:12.200 But they specialize.

01:00:12.640 I shaved my face with that razor.

01:00:14.360 No, that's great.

01:00:14.900 They gave you one.

01:00:15.480 But it has technology that protects you from nicking yourself or hurting yourself, especially

01:00:20.540 in that area.

01:00:21.420 You don't want some big buzzy thing like you did with your vibrator when you burned yourself.

01:00:25.540 You want to be really careful.

01:00:26.360 That's back when I was alive, though.

01:00:28.060 That was like 35 years ago.

01:00:29.920 Thanks for bringing that up on the podcast with me and my mother, Shannon, by the way.

01:00:32.960 She don't care.

01:00:34.400 I'm traumatized.

01:00:35.500 I'll be all for that.

01:00:35.840 She started talking about anal sex yesterday when we were in the valley.

01:00:40.260 I said, do you mind?

01:00:41.540 That's my son.

01:00:42.640 With me or with Buck?

01:00:44.000 You.

01:00:44.580 You were standing there when we went outside to smoke.

01:00:46.980 What were you talking about anal?

01:00:47.640 She starts talking about something.

01:00:49.480 I go, Shannon, do you mind?

01:00:50.740 This is my son.

01:00:52.140 Well, anyway.

01:00:52.640 I don't wish to go into that with my son standing there.

01:00:55.100 My mom don't want to talk about her vibrator burns ever again.

01:00:57.520 Don't ever do that again.

01:00:58.440 Okay.

01:00:59.120 Anyway.

01:00:59.700 That's all right.

01:01:01.740 It's skin safe as a technology.

01:01:03.580 I'll let you tell more.

01:01:04.140 But anyway, Manscaped makes great products.

01:01:06.060 You can shave your nether regions and it's Christmas time.

01:01:09.160 If you're a woman, you got the perfect gift for your man.

01:01:11.460 It's right.

01:01:12.240 It really is.

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01:01:22.520 It's like the Rudolph of grooming, guiding him to the smoothest, irritation-free shave of his life.

01:01:29.600 Trust me, he will look so good.

01:01:31.820 You'll be taking all the credit at every holiday party.

01:01:35.760 Well, I hope he's not shown.

01:01:37.320 Yeah.

01:01:37.540 Why would you take credit at a holiday party?

01:01:38.940 Well, if they're wild parties, I guess the kind Shannon goes to.

01:01:42.000 But anyway, gift your man with the ultimate grooming experience by Manscaped and get him the chairman.

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01:02:08.300 Yay, shaved balls!

01:02:11.040 Yay, shaved balls.

01:02:12.580 I love shaved balls, personally.

01:02:14.000 Do you want to get the last one out of the way and then we can just shoot the shave for 15 minutes?

01:02:16.780 Can we talk about shaved balls with Shannon for a minute here?

01:02:19.420 You do whatever you want.

01:02:20.280 I'm just throwing it out.

01:02:20.580 Okay, then we'll do that one.

01:02:21.720 You're the boss.

01:02:22.940 You love shaved balls?

01:02:24.180 Well, I don't like a lot of hair down there.

01:02:27.800 You said you have a lot of hair down there.

01:02:30.320 I have a lot of hair down there.

01:02:31.400 That's my son.

01:02:32.840 This is the stuff.

01:02:33.840 This is your friend.

01:02:34.800 I didn't invite Shannon.

01:02:35.940 We're cancers.

01:02:36.880 Cancers are the underground Scorpio.

01:02:39.200 We're sex freaks, too.

01:02:40.740 Oh, I'm no sex freak.

01:02:42.320 That's back when I was alive, I told you.

01:02:45.660 I've got memories.

01:02:51.140 Wait, we might have to bleep this.

01:02:52.940 But I'll never forget her answering the door when we were in Florida doing the pan selling.

01:03:00.280 Remember the pans?

01:03:02.580 Yeah.

01:03:03.560 Yeah.

01:03:04.220 Oh, Christ.

01:03:05.540 And she answered the door in a latex maid outfit.

01:03:11.120 Do you remember that?

01:03:12.840 It was like black latex with a white apron.

01:03:20.520 Were you alone or was there someone with you?

01:03:22.720 No, it was her boyfriend.

01:03:24.920 Oh, well, that's okay.

01:03:26.020 Yeah.

01:03:26.720 She was having fun.

01:03:28.060 And I'm like...

01:03:29.060 Did you know it was Shannon when you answered the door?

01:03:32.600 Yeah, of course.

01:03:33.560 Yeah.

01:03:33.820 I always go...

01:03:34.620 Like, that's my neck.

01:03:37.520 So I did it for a joke.

01:03:39.280 And she had like the vacuum and she had the face up and on.

01:03:43.560 It was so cute.

01:03:45.080 She's a pleaser.

01:03:46.320 She's a people pleaser.

01:03:47.340 That's so cute.

01:03:49.800 No, that was back in her freakier times.

01:03:53.720 Yeah, your freakier times, though, when you were a single girl, you were...

01:03:59.340 Remember on the talk show, you were just crazy.

01:04:02.580 I was dating Daniel, who's 10 years younger.

01:04:05.240 Yeah.

01:04:05.720 John might watch this.

01:04:06.820 We can't tell the shot.

01:04:07.680 He knows.

01:04:08.160 He knows all of it?

01:04:09.280 Yeah.

01:04:09.820 I can tell Shannon's right.

01:04:10.920 Not all of it.

01:04:12.140 Not all of it.

01:04:13.960 He goes, honey, I'm scared of your past.

01:04:17.720 Don't ever tell him.

01:04:19.360 So anyway, you were always the wild, swinging, single chick.

01:04:24.240 And I was the old married lady.

01:04:26.640 But...

01:04:27.120 Things have flipped.

01:04:28.100 Yeah.

01:04:28.880 Now I'm the wild, single chick.

01:04:31.280 Swinging.

01:04:31.660 And you're the married lady.

01:04:34.340 Isn't it weird how shit goes?

01:04:36.060 And you're like, I can't because I have to make a charcuterie plate for my husband.

01:04:43.140 You can't do nothing because you're always making charcuterie.

01:04:46.340 I love how you say that.

01:04:48.720 Charcuterie.

01:04:49.560 Because you're so cuterie.

01:04:51.620 But you do.

01:04:52.740 You love being a little wife with...

01:04:55.960 I never thought I'd see you like that.

01:04:57.200 I do.

01:04:57.820 I love pleasing my husband.

01:05:00.500 I love making him happy.

01:05:02.200 He takes really good care of me.

01:05:04.240 All the money I make, he goes, honey, that's your beauty money.

01:05:09.720 You can get your Botox, your filler, your hair, your nails, your whatever.

01:05:15.340 You know, all the shit that we need.

01:05:18.460 And he pays all the bills.

01:05:21.980 So I got it made.

01:05:23.320 And I take really good care of him.

01:05:25.700 I have a lot of sex.

01:05:28.660 And, you know, take care of him.

01:05:30.880 And I'm pretty good at cooking.

01:05:35.420 I'm not good.

01:05:35.740 You are a good cook.

01:05:36.740 Well, you're a good charcuterie.

01:05:38.740 No, but your charcuterie is fucking killer.

01:05:40.520 How do you say charcuterie?

01:05:42.340 Charcuterie.

01:05:42.880 Oh, charcuterie.

01:05:43.940 Yeah, you're so cute.

01:05:44.300 That shit is fire.

01:05:45.380 Your charcuterie is fire.

01:05:47.320 You're fire.

01:05:48.020 I just want to say I just were, I came in for the weekend for a project, a secret project.

01:05:57.340 Best project ever.

01:05:58.440 Which you were fire.

01:06:01.540 Yes.

01:06:02.060 Thank you.

01:06:02.800 You are so cool.

01:06:04.020 I want to just go back and say, when everyone asks me, what is it like being besties with

01:06:12.560 you, the coolest, the hippest, the funniest, the funnest, just, and then, like, we like

01:06:22.780 to take naps and sleep.

01:06:25.740 And then I know when to leave you alone and you get on your computer.

01:06:29.600 Yeah, you're good at that.

01:06:30.180 Like when I said, Shannon, get the fuck out of here.

01:06:32.580 Yeah, you really take up my solution.

01:06:34.020 You've got a good cue.

01:06:34.800 No, I mean, I know.

01:06:36.400 You pick up my cues.

01:06:38.080 And I know when to leave you alone and when to, like, have fun.

01:06:42.020 And tonight, can I say what we're going to do?

01:06:44.520 Yeah.

01:06:45.100 You can say the clean part.

01:06:48.760 What does that mean?

01:06:51.000 The latex made out fix later.

01:06:52.740 Well, we're going down Santa Monica Boulevard.

01:06:54.560 You can know.

01:06:55.080 You can go to the Comedy Store.

01:06:56.180 Why not?

01:06:56.400 No, we're going to the Comedy Store.

01:06:57.320 This will start on Thursday.

01:06:58.480 It's already done by the time.

01:06:59.660 Yeah.

01:06:59.820 She's going to do 15.

01:07:02.200 I'm so excited for this.

01:07:03.240 And we're going to see your friend, Sam Trippley.

01:07:06.920 Tripp, yeah.

01:07:07.580 Who was our guest last week?

01:07:08.720 Who was your guest last week?

01:07:10.240 And I heard Carolla was going to be there.

01:07:13.440 Is that true?

01:07:13.720 Adam Carolla.

01:07:14.480 We got to get him on the podcast.

01:07:15.620 And what's his name?

01:07:16.600 Dare.

01:07:17.280 Jimmy Dare.

01:07:18.260 Jimmy Dorr.

01:07:19.160 Dorr.

01:07:19.620 I'll cut that out.

01:07:20.460 And Bobby Lee.

01:07:22.000 I love Bobby Lee.

01:07:22.820 And Nikki.

01:07:24.000 That girl.

01:07:24.960 Nikki Glaser.

01:07:25.760 Nikki Glaser.

01:07:26.560 I love Nikki Glaser.

01:07:28.500 And another girl I don't know.

01:07:33.000 And a couple other guys I don't know.

01:07:36.700 Oh, my God.

01:07:36.780 I'm so excited.

01:07:36.800 Please remember to tell them you have a podcast.

01:07:38.720 She doesn't ever tell them she has a podcast.

01:07:41.020 I'll be her.

01:07:41.880 We want all those people.

01:07:43.940 Oh, I'll ask them to be on the podcast.

01:07:46.340 I'll be her wingman.

01:07:47.760 I don't like to ask people to be on my podcast.

01:07:49.320 No, they want to be on your podcast.

01:07:50.820 It's not like come to my house and rub my back.

01:07:53.620 It's like, hey, I'm going to.

01:07:54.520 No, I asked Kato Kaelin because we saw him the other night.

01:07:57.160 No, he's coming on.

01:07:58.280 And I said, Kato, you know, are you ready to come on?

01:08:01.720 Because he's really funny, isn't he?

01:08:03.480 He was super cool.

01:08:04.600 Remember what he said about the OJ thing?

01:08:07.380 What?

01:08:08.680 That there was a thing going before OJ died.

01:08:12.180 He confessed to killing Nicole.

01:08:14.260 But then he said it was AI.

01:08:16.140 He said it's probably AI.

01:08:18.220 It's probably.

01:08:19.040 It could be AI.

01:08:20.100 You know that people want.

01:08:21.740 That's so scary.

01:08:22.760 I think he would confess, though, because I think he had a lot of guilt over it.

01:08:27.120 He should have so he could go to heaven.

01:08:29.460 Yeah, maybe he did.

01:08:31.380 Mom doesn't understand that she has a kick-ass podcast.

01:08:34.100 It's driving me crazy.

01:08:34.740 She's like, I don't want to ask them.

01:08:35.860 They want to be on here.

01:08:37.220 Kato Kaelin texts me like every three days for the last year.

01:08:40.300 Who?

01:08:40.980 Kato.

01:08:41.280 Kato, for example.

01:08:42.360 Bobby Lee was going to come on.

01:08:43.900 I love him.

01:08:44.900 He's so hilarious.

01:08:45.880 Yeah, he's so funny.

01:08:46.360 No, but you're not asking for something that's going to make them.

01:08:50.100 No.

01:08:50.500 They want to do it.

01:08:51.520 They're going to want it.

01:08:53.120 She doesn't get it yet.

01:08:54.800 She doesn't understand.

01:08:55.760 But should I just be like her wingman and just say.

01:08:58.920 Get their numbers.

01:08:59.680 Get them to me.

01:08:59.980 Because she doesn't like asking.

01:09:01.180 Shannon's good at that.

01:09:01.860 Getting guys numbers.

01:09:03.580 Yeah.

01:09:05.300 Adam already said he would do it.

01:09:07.100 Adam Carolla is like.

01:09:08.240 Adam's the best podcast.

01:09:09.580 Fuck Joe Rogan.

01:09:10.400 Adam's the goat.

01:09:11.640 The godfather.

01:09:12.080 Adam is the goat.

01:09:13.080 When he went after Newscom, he fucking leveled Newscom.

01:09:17.380 No, he's amazing.

01:09:18.160 I used to go watch Adam Carolla and Dennis Prager and talk on stage.

01:09:22.000 He was the first person to ever make money at podcasting.

01:09:24.360 That's what Jake said.

01:09:24.520 He used to make fun of podcasters.

01:09:26.080 He was the guy that broke it.

01:09:27.140 That's why we're doing this.

01:09:28.060 It's Adam Carolla.

01:09:28.820 And he doesn't get the respect he deserves.

01:09:30.280 Thanks, Adam.

01:09:31.100 I love him.

01:09:32.060 He said he'd do the show.

01:09:33.360 Yeah.

01:09:33.960 He's really a down-to-earth type of guy.

01:09:35.780 It's funny that he did the man show with Jimmy Kimmel.

01:09:39.000 Wah, wah.

01:09:40.160 I think they're still buddies, which that's pretty amazing that they could still be friends.

01:09:45.580 God, I wish my friend Jenny Hope would be like that.

01:09:48.880 Let's talk about that.

01:09:49.760 But I mean, Jimmy Kimmel, oh my God.

01:09:52.800 Bye, baby.

01:09:53.740 That poor guy.

01:09:54.460 I feel sorry for him.

01:09:55.900 Well, I remember when he was with Sarah, we were friendly with him.

01:09:58.920 I saw them, Sarah Silverman.

01:10:00.060 Oh, yeah, Sarah Silverman.

01:10:00.860 He was nice to her.

01:10:02.200 And he was nice to you, too, back then.

01:10:04.020 Yeah, he was really nice to me.

01:10:05.200 Yeah.

01:10:05.720 Then he became a Trump supporter.

01:10:06.920 Oh, well, they made him turn up.

01:10:09.160 You know, he probably doesn't even feel that way.

01:10:10.900 I feel like next year.

01:10:11.680 They're probably like, Jimmy, you got to take Trump down because he's going to expose you

01:10:15.800 for going to Epstein Island.

01:10:17.100 That's what I think.

01:10:17.960 You think it was Mockingbird?

01:10:18.520 Well, he was on the manifest.

01:10:19.660 Yeah, I know.

01:10:20.300 Yeah.

01:10:21.040 Is he on the ditty list?

01:10:21.960 Remember, he got death threats.

01:10:23.380 Of course, he's on every fucking list.

01:10:24.880 He got death threats from that list.

01:10:27.600 Who?

01:10:28.260 Jimmy.

01:10:30.100 They're all on the list, except me, because nobody ever wanted to fuck me.

01:10:34.120 And they never invited me to any sex parties.

01:10:36.280 Well, I know someone that might have a crush on you.

01:10:40.020 No, say it.

01:10:41.140 I'm not.

01:10:42.100 You're a big fucking yappy.

01:10:43.600 I'm not.

01:10:43.920 I want to hear.

01:10:44.760 No, she doesn't know anybody.

01:10:46.580 You don't know.

01:10:46.800 Shut up.

01:10:47.680 Oh, yeah, we can't.

01:10:48.680 I am not.

01:10:50.140 Shut up.

01:10:51.260 I'm not saying anything.

01:10:53.000 We can't do too much code.

01:10:53.260 There's a lot of people who have a crush on me.

01:10:56.020 I know.

01:10:56.660 Because I don't care, because I am never going to have sex unless I'm married.

01:11:01.580 You don't know that.

01:11:02.500 Unless I'm married.

01:11:03.500 Oh.

01:11:03.640 I'm never having sex again unless I am married.

01:11:06.180 You told me you got married so you wouldn't have to have sex.

01:11:08.900 That's why you got married.

01:11:09.380 Well, that's why I get married after.

01:11:11.720 You know, that is true.

01:11:13.740 That is why I'm married.

01:11:15.160 People, to have sex for a while and then never again.

01:11:19.740 Then they're trapped and they can't get out.

01:11:21.920 Well, then I'm trapped.

01:11:24.440 Interesting.

01:11:25.180 I like the feeling of being trapped and you can't get out.

01:11:30.140 Why?

01:11:31.060 What's the psychology of that?

01:11:32.400 I don't know, because then I can talk myself into saying, oh, it's okay if you cheat and

01:11:38.660 run around and lie.

01:11:39.940 Yeah, can we do psychology on this podcast?

01:11:41.720 Yes, please.

01:11:42.680 I like to psychoanalyze you.

01:11:44.460 I did it a couple weeks ago.

01:11:45.360 People loved it.

01:11:45.880 I love it.

01:11:46.540 Yeah.

01:11:47.040 You know, because I just want to cheat and lie and run around and do wrong.

01:11:52.800 Because you get your thrill.

01:11:53.280 Because I'm the hoochie coochie gal.

01:11:56.700 Everybody knows I'm hell.

01:11:59.800 So you couldn't be in an open relationship because then there's no thrill of cheating?

01:12:04.440 No, because then he'd try to go have sex.

01:12:07.020 She's super jealous.

01:12:08.060 I'd have to kill the woman and then cut his nutsack off.

01:12:12.340 So your whole plan is to trap the guy so that you can just torment him and cheat on him?

01:12:16.900 Yeah.

01:12:18.260 Why?

01:12:19.960 Why would you try and torment another person?

01:12:22.300 Well, because I guess I'm taking after my parents.

01:12:25.320 Yeah, don't do that.

01:12:26.920 You should know not to take after your parents.

01:12:28.680 Well, no, I recognize it now.

01:12:30.760 That's why I'm not with anyone until I get married, which I would never get married unless I meet someone richer than me with a terminal illness.

01:12:40.060 No, you're not going to quit saying that.

01:12:43.020 You know what?

01:12:43.440 You could fall in love with someone.

01:12:45.540 Oh, God.

01:12:46.320 But I'd rather stick hot fucking pokers right through my eyeballs than fall in love ever.

01:12:52.100 You are a lover.

01:12:52.800 I'll never fall in love again.

01:12:55.640 You are a lover.

01:12:56.440 What do you do when you fall in love?

01:12:58.340 She doesn't understand.

01:12:59.180 She could find someone who's nice to her and loves her and she'd be happy.

01:13:02.140 I can't ever find anyone who's nice to me.

01:13:04.140 Because you're not nice to them.

01:13:05.600 Because I'm really mean to them.

01:13:07.460 You have to be nice for this to work.

01:13:09.300 She's a narcissist and she attracts another narcissist and there can only be one narcissist in the family.

01:13:17.600 No, that's true.

01:13:18.160 No, I'm codependent.

01:13:20.140 Yes, you're that too.

01:13:20.680 You can't be codependent with a narcissist.

01:13:22.360 That's ridiculous.

01:13:23.440 That's bad planning.

01:13:24.640 That's what I do.

01:13:25.740 That's dumb.

01:13:26.500 Be codependent with someone.

01:13:28.120 Well, about 20 of them.

01:13:29.360 You have to be codependent with someone who's codependent.

01:13:32.120 Oh.

01:13:32.720 You can't be codependent with a narcissist.

01:13:33.840 Wait, was your dad a narcissist?

01:13:35.820 No, but he was codependent.

01:13:37.460 Oh.

01:13:38.100 He went to CODA meetings.

01:13:39.040 That's how I know this.

01:13:39.760 We have to do one more ad and then I want to get into this.

01:13:41.420 He did?

01:13:42.380 Yeah.

01:13:42.920 I'm knocking this out.

01:13:43.960 He didn't go to any goddamn meetings when I tried to make him go to meetings.

01:13:46.940 It was after you divorced him.

01:13:48.180 Fucking drunk.

01:13:48.700 He got totally into self-help.

01:13:50.200 That's what got him on the prescription drugs.

01:13:51.980 And now he's a fucking lunatic.

01:13:53.640 Noble Gold.

01:13:54.780 Hold on.

01:13:55.360 What?

01:13:55.580 I want to get into this.

01:13:56.560 We got to knock this one out.

01:13:57.380 Oh, anymore.

01:13:57.960 This is the last one.

01:13:59.780 Noble Gold.

01:14:00.140 She's out of cigs.

01:14:01.760 When central bankers stock up on gold, this is a sign they're preparing for something big.

01:14:05.600 Right now they're buying gold as though it's the last asset standing.

01:14:08.520 Did you know this, Shannon?

01:14:09.980 Bankers are buying gold.

01:14:11.220 Yep.

01:14:11.680 Follow the bankers.

01:14:12.280 Should I sell my stock?

01:14:13.680 No.

01:14:13.880 You don't have to sell your stock.

01:14:14.860 Do you have an IRA?

01:14:15.520 Do you have a retirement plan?

01:14:16.480 Oh, no.

01:14:17.380 She don't even have medical insurance.

01:14:19.200 Yes, I do.

01:14:19.520 Do you have money saved?

01:14:20.120 You got that finally?

01:14:21.460 Yes.

01:14:21.940 Oh, good.

01:14:22.240 And then next year I'm on Medicare.

01:14:24.140 All right.

01:14:25.760 Woo-hoo.

01:14:26.700 We're getting the facelifts and the ponytail facelifts.

01:14:30.320 Do you have money saved?

01:14:32.520 Yeah.

01:14:32.880 I have some stock.

01:14:33.700 What do you do?

01:14:34.180 You put it in stocks.

01:14:34.820 Her mom left her some big stocks and big businesses.

01:14:37.740 I did Apple.

01:14:39.540 Okay.

01:14:39.900 Well, what I'm saying is a lot of people have money in the savings account and that doesn't

01:14:44.160 do shit.

01:14:44.820 No.

01:14:44.960 Your bank doesn't do shit.

01:14:45.720 No, I don't do that.

01:14:46.460 So, and especially when the dollar fucking goes down, then you're like, people don't understand

01:14:51.340 this.

01:14:51.520 You have $50,000 saved in the bank, right?

01:14:53.960 And the dollar goes down 10 years from now, $50,000 is what counts as what?

01:14:57.880 $25,000 counts as now.

01:14:59.700 Now you only have $25,000.

01:15:00.800 It doesn't matter what the number is.

01:15:01.980 It's what it's worth.

01:15:03.020 Right.

01:15:03.220 The reason people are moving to gold and bankers are doing it is because once you buy gold or

01:15:08.700 silver, it pretty much stays.

01:15:10.400 It pretty much locks it in.

01:15:11.820 It protects your wealth.

01:15:13.020 The dollar goes down.

01:15:13.880 Nothing goes down.

01:15:14.440 Precious metals really will not go down.

01:15:16.200 So, if you have money saved or if you want to protect your wealth, gold and silver, that's

01:15:21.460 why they're on every conservative podcast.

01:15:23.600 We partnered up with Noble Gold.

01:15:25.560 We love them.

01:15:26.300 Colin Plum is a friend of ours.

01:15:27.360 He was on our show.

01:15:28.780 And it's a great company.

01:15:30.300 He's cute, but his head is way too long.

01:15:32.500 I think he looks like the guy from The Punisher and Walking Dead.

01:15:36.180 Yeah, he does look like The Punisher.

01:15:37.640 I don't know what that is.

01:15:38.120 A great actor.

01:15:39.380 Does he need bangs?

01:15:41.100 No, he's just a handsome guy, but he's really, really bright.

01:15:43.480 He started this company on his own.

01:15:44.700 He said he has to.

01:15:45.680 And he's not too big.

01:15:47.080 He employs his family.

01:15:48.740 He's a really good dude.

01:15:50.400 And there's a lot of gold companies out there.

01:15:53.220 We like Noble Gold.

01:15:54.400 I'll let you tell the people more.

01:15:55.900 But we are loving this company.

01:15:59.020 I'll tell you why specifically.

01:16:00.740 Is Colin...

01:16:01.620 Specifically.

01:16:03.440 What did I say?

01:16:04.320 I've got to stop saying especially.

01:16:06.100 I've noticed that.

01:16:06.560 I know.

01:16:07.060 I can't stand it when you say especially.

01:16:08.680 It's especially.

01:16:09.960 I've been working on it.

01:16:10.680 You need to say, can I ask you a question especially?

01:16:14.300 I'll never forget.

01:16:15.360 Johnny told me.

01:16:16.560 I said realtor.

01:16:17.780 And he goes, Shannon, it's realtor.

01:16:20.480 And I never forgot that.

01:16:22.060 He always would correct me.

01:16:23.920 But it is especially.

01:16:24.940 Anyway, I'll let you tell the people more.

01:16:26.500 Real quick, this guy, Colin Plume, wrote a book called Silver is the New Oil.

01:16:31.540 And he's telling silver because it's 30 bucks now.

01:16:34.320 Oh, not gold.

01:16:35.360 No, you need to invest in silver, honey.

01:16:37.740 Buy silver, buy silver, buy silver.

01:16:38.360 Put your money in silver because it's going up.

01:16:39.960 And use Noble Gold and use the shit she's going to tell you when you do it.

01:16:42.260 And we get a kickback.

01:16:43.160 Okay.

01:16:43.900 Your husband should know this.

01:16:45.320 Yeah.

01:16:45.440 Okay.

01:16:46.940 Don't wait until it's too late.

01:16:48.800 Visit NobleGoldInvestments.com now and bag up to 10 one ounce silver Trump coins or a 10

01:16:56.200 ounce silver American flag bar with a qualifying account.

01:16:59.760 That's RoseanneBarrGold.com Noble Gold Investments.

01:17:04.820 Protect your wealth while you still can.

01:17:08.460 I want to psychoanalyze you for 10 seconds.

01:17:10.800 Ouch.

01:17:11.240 I want you to find someone that loves you and is nice and it's a hell of a minute.

01:17:14.800 Well, that'll never happen.

01:17:16.200 No, you're lovable.

01:17:17.880 I am so not lovable, though.

01:17:20.200 You get in your own way and you become a dick.

01:17:21.980 But I've seen you.

01:17:23.960 I've seen you be nice for long periods of time.

01:17:26.160 You can do it.

01:17:27.280 Yeah.

01:17:27.800 Yes.

01:17:28.100 No, I'm lovable, but people don't get my type of lovable.

01:17:33.100 No, you get in your head and sometimes you do things that are untoward.

01:17:38.260 No, I just, you know, I just tried to be funny.

01:17:42.440 I think you sabotage sometimes.

01:17:44.720 Right?

01:17:45.360 We've talked about this.

01:17:46.920 So if someone did come along and they liked you, you would probably...

01:17:49.060 Once someone ceases to find me fascinating, I fucking hate their guts.

01:17:55.300 So that's...

01:17:55.820 Because, Shannon, right?

01:17:57.980 Once a guy ceases to...

01:18:00.740 Yeah.

01:18:00.980 Yeah.

01:18:01.400 She said once...

01:18:02.260 Honey?

01:18:02.280 I said she sabotages sometimes.

01:18:04.000 I do because once a guy ceases to find me fascinating, I don't like him no more.

01:18:11.920 That sounds really narcissistic, though.

01:18:13.700 You should...

01:18:13.920 No, here's what happens.

01:18:14.780 What is this, Shannon?

01:18:15.680 Get on your way.

01:18:16.120 Why are you...

01:18:16.760 Why are you fluffing my hair?

01:18:18.640 Because she's a hair and makeup.

01:18:19.440 My hair, but honey.

01:18:21.400 But honey.

01:18:22.300 You can't invite your...

01:18:23.120 You can't be friends with a hair and makeup artist and not have...

01:18:25.640 You do look good.

01:18:26.540 But you're my hair and makeup.

01:18:28.080 Oh, well.

01:18:28.700 All right.

01:18:28.920 So once a guy ceases to find her fascinating, she decides to destroy him and the relationship.

01:18:35.000 Okay.

01:18:35.460 Here's what happens is they love bomb.

01:18:38.700 They do love bomb.

01:18:40.340 And then they're like...

01:18:41.340 We didn't know that term before.

01:18:42.180 Hey, by the way, do you have any money?

01:18:44.880 No.

01:18:45.660 So they're like love bombing.

01:18:47.400 And I've seen this in your relationships.

01:18:51.220 Yeah.

01:18:51.320 In many of my friends, you get love bombed.

01:18:54.480 You get sucked in.

01:18:55.920 They're like, ah, and sending you roses and this and that.

01:18:59.980 And then...

01:19:00.580 That's all bullshit.

01:19:01.180 They get...

01:19:01.520 They draw you in.

01:19:02.680 Mm-hmm.

01:19:02.960 They do draw you in.

01:19:03.860 And then you're addicted to them and you're like codependent and you're like, ah, I'll

01:19:09.260 do anything for you.

01:19:10.500 I love you so much.

01:19:11.660 Mm-hmm.

01:19:11.840 And then they just start going, fuck you.

01:19:14.320 Yeah, that's exactly it.

01:19:16.100 Isn't that narcissism though?

01:19:17.320 That someone you want to be adored and like someone just kisses your ass and love bombs

01:19:20.580 you?

01:19:20.860 Isn't that narcissism?

01:19:22.800 Like you just want to be loved and adored and...

01:19:24.660 No, I want to give it back too.

01:19:26.680 Yeah.

01:19:27.080 Okay.

01:19:27.260 She wants to be loved and she wants to love them.

01:19:29.700 Yeah, I don't think you're a narcissist.

01:19:30.760 I'm just asking.

01:19:31.120 I'm not.

01:19:31.720 Okay.

01:19:32.480 But...

01:19:32.840 Well, you do love yourself.

01:19:34.400 Yeah.

01:19:34.520 I do because I'm so funny.

01:19:36.360 You are a little.

01:19:36.800 I walked in...

01:19:37.660 Cool.

01:19:37.740 I walked in on you watching your own podcast and you go, look, I'm watching my favorite

01:19:43.360 person, myself.

01:19:46.240 I do.

01:19:47.000 I never know what I'm going to say.

01:19:48.680 I do.

01:19:49.300 You don't think there's a guy out there that would be fascinated by you repeatedly for years

01:19:54.600 on end because people are fascinated by you.

01:19:56.320 You've been famous for 40 years.

01:19:57.420 People are still fascinated by you.

01:19:58.780 Like you have the ability to be fascinated.

01:20:00.740 I think she's in her new...

01:20:02.680 No, I don't think there's any guy who could match me.

01:20:07.160 Oh, I know what it is.

01:20:08.080 Wait.

01:20:09.060 I know what it is.

01:20:10.060 What?

01:20:10.140 It's like the normal stage of every relationship when you've gotten through all the mystery.

01:20:15.460 And you're like, oh, here we are.

01:20:16.620 We're two people.

01:20:17.200 We know each other's ins and outs.

01:20:18.440 And now we're at that phase.

01:20:19.160 You don't like that phase.

01:20:21.300 Because it's not fun and romantic.

01:20:22.600 I never get that phase.

01:20:24.000 I do like the idea of it, but I never get it.

01:20:26.600 I never get to that phase with anybody where you're just like friends and you have fun.

01:20:34.360 I always get a fucking bummer of an asshole that's like, where are you going?

01:20:40.140 I get that.

01:20:41.040 Where are you going out again?

01:20:42.840 How many people do you have to talk to every day?

01:20:45.940 When do you go out?

01:20:47.900 No, she's talking about her relationships.

01:20:50.120 Oh, okay.

01:20:50.580 Because now it's like, please go outside.

01:20:51.940 You're still alive.

01:20:52.880 Quit saying that.

01:20:53.860 Okay.

01:20:54.220 I got it.

01:20:54.740 But there could be a guy that's like, hey, you're so cool.

01:20:57.980 No, they're like, oh, I love going with you.

01:21:00.340 And then you get there to where you're going.

01:21:03.160 And then he's a drag.

01:21:04.100 And then they say, then he's a fucking drag and insults you in front of your friends.

01:21:08.620 Well, Johnny was a drag, but Tom was like gregarious and wanted to be famous.

01:21:12.080 Yeah, but he always insulted me in front of our friends too.

01:21:14.760 No way.

01:21:15.740 Yeah, he did.

01:21:17.280 He'd always insult me.

01:21:17.780 Give me an example.

01:21:18.800 He would do that.

01:21:19.920 He had that kind of like, he would rib people.

01:21:22.980 He did it to me too.

01:21:23.680 No, but he insulted me in front of my friends over and over.

01:21:27.300 Until one time we were on stage and he was, had that big shit eating phony ass grin of

01:21:34.400 his.

01:21:35.180 I had just about fucking had enough.

01:21:38.200 Well, I'd had more than enough.

01:21:40.140 And he was doing that smiling shit.

01:21:41.820 He was at the end of the marriage.

01:21:44.740 Middle.

01:21:45.540 Okay.

01:21:46.040 And then what did he do?

01:21:47.560 He just did the shit eating, ha, ha, ha.

01:21:49.980 Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, shit he does.

01:21:52.840 And he's insulted me at a benefit thing.

01:21:57.840 Always insulting me.

01:22:00.120 That's fucked up.

01:22:01.060 Yeah, he's fucked up.

01:22:02.020 So, I had just had it and I was uncomfortable because I was a big fat woman in spike heels

01:22:08.500 and my God, there's nothing more tortures.

01:22:12.620 I can't wear a spike heel.

01:22:14.600 I know.

01:22:15.300 And I was a big fat woman in my spike heel.

01:22:18.000 And so, I'm like, this motherfucker's getting the spike heel treatment.

01:22:22.000 Did you hit him with the spike heel?

01:22:23.240 Boom.

01:22:23.420 No, I simply stepped onto his big toe and fucking put all my fucking weight right there.

01:22:30.840 Oh, 180.

01:22:32.900 I think it was 190 at that point.

01:22:36.720 On one spike heel, bitch.

01:22:40.080 And he was looking at me.

01:22:41.260 He goes, smiling at it, big fucking ass eating grin.

01:22:45.160 What are you doing?

01:22:47.020 I go, enjoy it, you son of a bitch.

01:22:51.440 Fucking, you like it?

01:22:52.700 You like it?

01:22:53.980 Isn't it great?

01:22:55.320 This was on stage?

01:22:56.480 Yeah.

01:22:57.060 Oh my God, I love that.

01:22:58.900 He goes, honey, honey, honey.

01:23:02.320 Look at her face right now.

01:23:04.160 That's terrifying.

01:23:05.440 Oh, I am a terrifying bitch.

01:23:07.480 Oh, wait.

01:23:08.140 Scorpius.

01:23:08.320 I told you, Roseanne Barr ain't nothing to fuck with.

01:23:11.640 Can I just tell you, my husband downloaded her wicked appearance on Madison Square Garden.

01:23:18.280 No, that wasn't wicked.

01:23:19.740 It was a Wizard of Oz.

01:23:20.680 No, was it called Oz?

01:23:23.120 Called Oz.

01:23:23.640 Oz.

01:23:24.160 Oz, yes.

01:23:25.100 I'm sorry.

01:23:26.760 One of the best things you've ever done, aside from what we did this last week.

01:23:29.660 Dude, I was blown fucking away.

01:23:33.000 You have to be 12 and pretend when I love playing the Wicked Witch.

01:23:38.560 And Jake said, every night you would do a different thing.

01:23:42.680 I'm melting.

01:23:44.120 It's not, what was it?

01:23:46.040 My favorite was, it's not easy being green.

01:23:47.660 It's not easy being green.

01:23:49.780 It was so, so hilarious.

01:23:52.480 No, that was.

01:23:53.140 Do it in your voice.

01:23:54.780 Yeah, I was screaming.

01:23:56.260 Oh.

01:23:56.740 And I was blown away.

01:23:59.980 And then I sent it to all my family and they're like, wow, she's such a great actress.

01:24:07.160 And I said, yeah, like you didn't even.

01:24:10.520 I know that's why I don't get any fucking gigs because I'm too good for these Hollywood

01:24:16.900 gigs.

01:24:17.260 No, listen.

01:24:17.920 Like that fucking Meryl Streep.

01:24:19.460 She ain't shit.

01:24:20.580 We was in a movie together and everybody said.

01:24:22.980 She double.

01:24:23.940 Everybody said, you fucking outshone Meryl Streep.

01:24:28.520 I go, I know.

01:24:29.720 And I had never even acted before.

01:24:32.100 I know I knocked the bitch down to her knees.

01:24:34.700 What the fuck you going to do?

01:24:35.920 I'm me.

01:24:37.520 Dude, if there are any directors, producers, movie peoples out here.

01:24:42.940 No.

01:24:43.400 This chick can act.

01:24:45.440 She can do it in one take.

01:24:47.380 I went.

01:24:48.080 You've seen me do it all.

01:24:49.340 I've seen you do it.

01:24:50.800 One take, baby.

01:24:52.440 That's all she needs.

01:24:53.340 I ain't got time to fuck around.

01:24:55.000 That was pretty aggressively acclaimed, that play.

01:24:58.240 That was a hit.

01:24:59.700 It was a hit.

01:25:00.380 You said you did it for three months.

01:25:02.560 Yeah.

01:25:03.840 Six nights.

01:25:04.720 12 shows a week.

01:25:05.300 12 shows a week.

01:25:06.700 Yeah.

01:25:06.840 Can you imagine, people?

01:25:08.280 12 shows a week.

01:25:09.520 That was a lot.

01:25:10.220 How old were you then?

01:25:11.820 Buck was two.

01:25:13.340 So he's 20.

01:25:14.380 He's 29 now.

01:25:15.560 28.

01:25:16.300 28.

01:25:16.840 Yeah.

01:25:17.480 Is he 28?

01:25:18.360 Buck is 28.

01:25:18.480 Your energy level's a little less now.

01:25:20.700 Yeah.

01:25:20.940 So 26 years ago.

01:25:22.540 I remember one night, they paint me green, you know, before I go up on the bike.

01:25:26.360 I'm flying on the bike.

01:25:28.160 With a harness on.

01:25:30.000 Yeah.

01:25:30.800 But they put all this, have these sponges to make my, we got to do it fast to change.

01:25:35.660 So they paint me green, everything.

01:25:37.960 I did two shows.

01:25:38.860 I was dead.

01:25:39.660 I come home, getting in the elevator there, living at, I can't remember what it was.

01:25:44.780 Not the Ritz, no, the big one.

01:25:50.040 I don't remember.

01:25:50.720 Whatever.

01:25:50.920 Whatever.

01:25:51.420 So I get in the elevator, and there's a Barry Diller.

01:25:55.940 And I didn't wash all my makeup off.

01:25:58.080 I still had like a hint of green in the elevator.

01:26:01.960 Looking a little fluish.

01:26:03.380 Fluorescent lights.

01:26:04.520 He goes, Roseanne, you look great.

01:26:08.400 Your skin looks fucking fabulous.

01:26:12.000 He did not.

01:26:12.760 Yes, he did.

01:26:13.380 And then in my mind, I was thinking, of course, green skin looks good to you, reptile.

01:26:23.040 Oh, my God.

01:26:24.240 Allegedly reptile.

01:26:25.580 Yeah.

01:26:25.900 Wait, who was Barry Diller married to?

01:26:28.760 He's married to that wonderful woman.

01:26:30.940 I can't remember her name.

01:26:32.280 Diane Von Furstenberg.

01:26:33.280 Hey, Siri, who was Barry Diller married to?

01:26:35.500 Diane Von Furstenberg.

01:26:37.220 Oh.

01:26:38.720 Diane Von Furstenberg.

01:26:39.700 Yeah.

01:26:40.160 Wow.

01:26:40.320 She used to love Sue Mengers, too.

01:26:42.220 I love Diane Von, the raptress.

01:26:44.460 Yeah, she is so cool.

01:26:45.240 So where are you going tonight?

01:26:46.320 Let's get into this, and then I'll let you guys go.

01:26:47.640 I'm going to the comedy store to see my friends in the youth.

01:26:51.420 Where it all started, right?

01:26:52.580 Yeah, it all started for me at the comedy store.

01:26:54.740 So I'm excited to go back there and see what's become of it.

01:26:59.020 I've only been back a few times.

01:27:00.660 But they got a lot of young comics, and it'll be exciting to watch these young comics, because,

01:27:06.640 you know, I don't know what they're talking about.

01:27:08.600 But, you know, I hate youth.

01:27:10.480 I hate the youth.

01:27:12.040 They're all fucking stupid and corrupted and MK-altered.

01:27:15.960 So it'll be interesting to see the shit they spew.

01:27:21.380 I have to say something.

01:27:22.940 The last time we went there was two years ago.

01:27:27.340 You were prepping for your Fox Nation stand-up, and it was so fun.

01:27:38.320 And we got high as a kite out on the deck with all the peeps.

01:27:43.920 And some guy passed us a fleef that was like six inches long, or maybe 10.

01:27:53.160 And then you got really high.

01:27:56.100 We were really high.

01:27:57.980 And Tony Hinchcliffe is like, okay, you're on.

01:28:02.340 And then you're like, I'm too high.

01:28:03.300 I said, I'm too high to go on stage.

01:28:05.360 I'm too high.

01:28:05.900 He goes, get out there, bitch.

01:28:08.500 And he pushed you out with Jeffrey Ross.

01:28:13.540 Yeah.

01:28:14.620 And it was awesome.

01:28:19.440 And you were a funny as hell.

01:28:20.120 I just went off on the fucking Democrats.

01:28:23.100 They loved it, too.

01:28:24.520 I was surprised.

01:28:25.380 You just riffed.

01:28:26.540 You just riffed.

01:28:27.220 It was two years ago, too.

01:28:28.380 And they was pretty Democrat there, but they liked it.

01:28:33.180 And then we had gone upstairs to see Theo Vaughn, and I did time at his show.

01:28:37.120 And Bobby Lee was up there.

01:28:38.200 And Bobby Lee.

01:28:38.840 And I got up.

01:28:40.680 I didn't want to.

01:28:41.440 I was scared.

01:28:42.240 But I did a horrible seven minutes.

01:28:45.020 It was mediocre.

01:28:46.700 No.

01:28:46.800 And Theo Vaughn.

01:28:47.620 You're never mediocre.

01:28:49.020 And Theo Vaughn goes, next time, you might not want to get so high or drunk.

01:28:54.980 He's right.

01:28:55.720 I tell you this every week, and you get mad at me.

01:28:57.640 But marijuana is not your friend.

01:28:59.520 And I'm like, bitch, I just fucking separated two girls in the bathroom fighting over your ass.

01:29:06.480 Remember that?

01:29:07.280 We went in the bathroom.

01:29:08.280 Theo Vaughn.

01:29:08.740 And there was one girl was like, there was two girls in there that he invited that night.

01:29:13.780 Both gorgeous.

01:29:15.080 And the one goes, I'm his girlfriend.

01:29:16.940 And the other one goes, well, he invited me to come here tonight.

01:29:21.500 Remember?

01:29:22.220 Yeah.

01:29:22.520 And they were like, going to get ready to choke each other out.

01:29:26.060 And then you said.

01:29:27.120 And then I said, what?

01:29:29.060 Bitch, he's a player.

01:29:31.640 Don't even fool around because he's going to, you know, talk with both of you.

01:29:35.900 That's what they do.

01:29:37.420 That's what the players do.

01:29:39.120 Comics.

01:29:39.640 Players got to play.

01:29:41.020 Yeah.

01:29:41.380 Players play.

01:29:41.580 Don't hate the player, hate the game, motherfucker.

01:29:43.260 Yeah.

01:29:43.720 I mean, you know.

01:29:45.200 He's cute.

01:29:46.140 He is a doll.

01:29:47.200 And he's funny.

01:29:48.480 Oh, he's so funny.

01:29:49.620 I wonder if he has a big one.

01:29:52.820 Of course you do.

01:29:53.220 Shannon Healy, ladies and gentlemen.

01:29:54.880 Classic Shannon.

01:29:55.360 But I mean, he should not have invited someone the night as, quote, girlfriends there.

01:30:03.820 That was rough.

01:30:04.480 He fucked up.

01:30:04.880 But I'm like, you need to start smoking pot again and drinking so you won't get so fucking

01:30:10.700 confused with the chicks you invite out.

01:30:14.040 I feel like he probably did.

01:30:15.280 I got it.

01:30:16.560 I feel like he probably did it on purpose.

01:30:18.720 Yeah.

01:30:19.220 He's probably like me where you got to sabotage.

01:30:21.780 Yeah.

01:30:22.040 You got a girlfriend or a boyfriend.

01:30:23.660 Why do you think you sabotage?

01:30:24.640 Because they're calling themselves your boyfriend when you're not even.

01:30:27.700 She sabotages a lot of things.

01:30:29.120 It's just her personality.

01:30:29.980 Yeah, she does.

01:30:30.360 I just have to fuck shit up.

01:30:31.780 I've seen you do that.

01:30:32.260 I'm not going to let her.

01:30:33.100 I have to fuck shit up.

01:30:33.580 You don't have to fuck shit up.

01:30:34.860 Things going well, you should enjoy when they go well.

01:30:36.700 Don't sabotage.

01:30:37.520 When things go well, I tend to fuck them up because.

01:30:40.800 Yeah, I know you do.

01:30:41.560 And I'm not going to let her.

01:30:42.080 Or if they're going bad, I tend to drop a big ass bomb on them.

01:30:45.680 That's okay.

01:30:46.300 If it's going bad, blow that shit up.

01:30:47.840 Yeah, that's true.

01:30:47.940 But when it's going good, leave it alone.

01:30:49.480 Yeah.

01:30:49.600 No, listen, end of story.

01:30:53.240 2025, no sabotaging.

01:30:55.760 Let things flow.

01:30:56.820 God is coming.

01:30:57.260 I'm not going to let anything flow.

01:30:58.860 God is coming.

01:30:59.320 The old man comes up to me and is trying to have sex.

01:31:01.160 We're talking about everything.

01:31:02.100 As we did when we were doing our thing.

01:31:04.660 And this old man comes up and goes, you're looking, you are so blah, blah.

01:31:10.060 And I'm like, oh, well, you're not bad yourself.

01:31:12.940 He was 10 years older than me.

01:31:14.400 And he's like, well, are you going to this and that?

01:31:17.040 And I go, listen, we're past the age of having any sex.

01:31:21.600 Let's get real.

01:31:22.760 You're too fucking old and wrinkled to even be thinking about that kind of shit.

01:31:28.200 But, you know, I shouldn't.

01:31:29.440 And he agreed.

01:31:30.700 He laughed.

01:31:32.000 Who's this?

01:31:33.340 Some guy at the deal.

01:31:36.220 He was kind of cute, too.

01:31:38.080 He was 82.

01:31:39.300 But I'm like, she says, what's her name's boyfriend?

01:31:41.980 82.

01:31:43.480 And he's.

01:31:45.960 He's very sexually active.

01:31:48.300 He's able to perform without.

01:31:49.920 He's sexually active.

01:31:50.720 Without any aid, any pharmaceutical aid.

01:31:54.660 There wasn't Viagra when Charlie Chaplin had a baby at 90.

01:31:57.240 Some men can still go.

01:31:58.540 But that is sickening.

01:32:00.100 Wait, Charlie Chaplin had a baby at 90?

01:32:02.500 Yeah, Tony Randall.

01:32:03.820 I don't think Viagra was around then.

01:32:05.100 Tony Randall.

01:32:05.900 I thought he was gay.

01:32:07.360 No, Tony Randall had a kid in his age.

01:32:09.260 A lot of.

01:32:10.340 There's so many.

01:32:11.580 Now we go, oh, it's Viagra.

01:32:12.960 But no, some dudes can still shoot.

01:32:14.880 It is gross.

01:32:15.820 Anthony Quinn.

01:32:16.820 They shouldn't.

01:32:17.520 If your neck looks like a fucking turkey gobble or whatever they call them, you should

01:32:23.140 be thinking about having sex.

01:32:24.960 You should be thinking about volunteer work.

01:32:28.180 Or you need him.

01:32:30.760 Yeah.

01:32:31.520 The Viagra.

01:32:32.520 No, you do.

01:32:33.200 But I'm saying some guys.

01:32:34.620 Old man having sex.

01:32:35.480 Some guys don't need Viagra.

01:32:38.000 Some guys in their 80s and 90s and everything still works.

01:32:41.140 Oh, that's repulsive.

01:32:41.920 My husband is good.

01:32:43.800 He is?

01:32:44.380 How old is your husband?

01:32:45.540 70.

01:32:46.020 70.

01:32:46.080 Your husband is sexually able to conjugate.

01:32:52.080 He doesn't need pills of any kind.

01:32:54.120 He conjugates your marital vows.

01:32:58.020 Huh?

01:33:00.180 He doesn't do any kind of thing.

01:33:02.620 It's just all.

01:33:03.340 Yeah.

01:33:03.800 Yeah.

01:33:04.420 Yeah.

01:33:04.680 That's good.

01:33:05.500 We have sex on the weekends, like Saturday and Sunday.

01:33:10.260 We call Saturday party night, Sunday fun day.

01:33:13.340 I think that's great.

01:33:16.180 That is repulsive.

01:33:18.120 Oh, I love he goes, that's great.

01:33:19.900 And you go, that's repulsive.

01:33:21.020 That's the difference between me and my, oh my God.

01:33:23.020 I hope when I'm, how old is John?

01:33:24.880 70.

01:33:25.500 I hope when I'm 70, I'm still.

01:33:26.900 But you have the testosterone.

01:33:28.720 He is hairy, like John.

01:33:30.840 Apparently because of this, I won't have bunnies.

01:33:33.400 All the back and the front hair and the top is bald.

01:33:37.540 The bald head is.

01:33:38.840 That's like Jake stabbed as a fucking bear.

01:33:41.680 He has body hair, like a sons of a bitch.

01:33:45.300 You're a poor dad.

01:33:46.920 My poor dad.

01:33:48.160 Oh, uh, we'll wrap up with this.

01:33:51.140 He should have minded his P's and Q's, this stupid son of a bitch.

01:33:54.640 Actually, you don't sabotage.

01:33:56.860 You destroy that poor bastard.

01:34:00.760 He never was the same.

01:34:02.400 Trailer.

01:34:03.320 He's done.

01:34:04.360 Well, I mean, he asked for it.

01:34:06.680 Hey, she left him money.

01:34:08.880 I know, and he blew it all.

01:34:09.960 Well, shouldn't have started any shit with me.

01:34:12.360 I hope he doesn't hear this.

01:34:13.220 I love you, Bill.

01:34:14.160 He doesn't listen.

01:34:15.100 It's a trauma podcast.

01:34:16.060 No, we, he always, every year on February 4th, he always says, happy anniversary, Roseanne.

01:34:22.320 You're kidding.

01:34:22.520 We've been together for, uh, what is it?

01:34:26.120 50.

01:34:26.720 This was our 50th anniversary.

01:34:28.780 No way.

01:34:29.720 This year was our 50th.

01:34:31.960 Aw.

01:34:32.360 He, he's a good guy, but, you know, he's a libtard.

01:34:36.080 He's a libtard.

01:34:37.380 He's nervous.

01:34:37.740 He's, he's on too many medications, and Xanax fucked with his brain, and he got it on MSNBC.

01:34:43.280 But the Democrats, they're anti-sex.

01:34:44.740 That's the whole deal.

01:34:46.080 Oh, right.

01:34:46.580 They're anti-sex with adult, an adult.

01:34:49.040 Ha ha!

01:34:50.160 Well, we're gonna get you back on the happy trail.

01:34:54.020 I think my personal passageway is, uh.

01:35:00.880 Passageway?

01:35:02.000 What's your passageway?

01:35:03.220 My personal passageway is like.

01:35:05.820 Vaginal canal?

01:35:06.960 That's my son saying that's gross.

01:35:09.340 Well, if you're not gonna say it, I'm gonna have to say it.

01:35:11.160 Okay, my personal passageway, that shit is just closed down.

01:35:16.520 It's too thin.

01:35:18.200 Yeah, it's a vaginal thinness.

01:35:19.900 The only part of me that's thin is my vaginal walls.

01:35:24.980 Oh, that's a good joke for tonight.

01:35:29.080 What?

01:35:30.240 My vaginal, the only thing thin about me is my vaginal walls.

01:35:34.680 Oh, at this age, it's true.

01:35:36.340 It is true, but you don't have to.

01:35:37.860 No, I love that.

01:35:38.880 That's a good joke.

01:35:40.100 Oh, I see what you're saying.

01:35:41.260 Yeah, it's for tonight.

01:35:42.100 You can plump up your vaginal wall.

01:35:44.020 Shannon does it.

01:35:44.740 Yeah, and you get wet and juicy.

01:35:47.400 Okay, if you don't-

01:35:51.400 I just think that is sinful to be old and craving sex.

01:35:54.800 It is not.

01:35:56.060 It is.

01:35:56.540 It's wrong.

01:35:57.480 Mom's right.

01:35:58.220 Naturally, it's not supposed to happen.

01:35:59.940 That's why you have to take meds.

01:36:01.080 No, you're supposed to be into your volunteer work at that age.

01:36:04.300 Well, I mean, some people do that as volunteer work when you think about it.

01:36:07.580 Okay, here's what I want for you at the very least is a beautiful, nice companion that you

01:36:15.240 can go, uh-oh.

01:36:17.320 You know what I want for you?

01:36:18.440 And I'm going to get real here.

01:36:20.000 You can have fun with.

01:36:21.260 I want someone that sees you the same way that I see you and Hannah sees you and Shannon sees you.

01:36:26.500 As a loving, fun person who wants to have fun and hang out.

01:36:29.940 They're there to protect you and help you and guide.

01:36:33.040 Yeah, protect you.

01:36:33.520 And when you're home.

01:36:34.100 That will never happen.

01:36:35.300 You need someone that's like, hey, what you're doing here is great.

01:36:38.860 What you're doing here is not so great.

01:36:40.040 You need that.

01:36:41.780 He's all-

01:36:42.580 I know, but that's never going to happen.

01:36:44.000 Let's be realistic.

01:36:44.940 There's not a man on Earth that can handle this.

01:36:52.360 They can't.

01:36:53.280 They can't.

01:36:54.140 Because it's just too much information coming out of them.

01:36:56.420 There are people that go to war and have PTSD and they can handle you.

01:37:00.080 There's someone out there, believe me.

01:37:02.360 Maybe an ex-Navy SEAL or one of them types.

01:37:05.300 Yeah.

01:37:05.680 Maybe an animal trainer.

01:37:06.640 Ex-admiral that sailed the-

01:37:09.200 Okay, I'm not you.

01:37:10.680 What do you call it?

01:37:11.580 I don't know, but I love it.

01:37:13.180 You're a celebrity.

01:37:14.180 So that's-

01:37:15.440 Listen, you're a celebrity, so that's harder.

01:37:19.000 I know because it's nothing, but they don't even know.

01:37:23.240 They don't even see me.

01:37:24.660 They just see a glamorous sex object.

01:37:28.940 They don't even-

01:37:29.900 You definitely need-

01:37:30.920 Like Uncle Ben, your brother, said something to me on that gay cruise.

01:37:34.080 Uncle Ben.

01:37:34.760 One of the most fascinating things I've ever heard.

01:37:37.260 And then we'll wrap up on this.

01:37:38.540 Or I'll wrap up on this.

01:37:40.200 Him and John have been together 30, 40 years.

01:37:44.200 And I said to him, I said, what is your secret?

01:37:46.040 My gay siblings both have been married for 35-

01:37:50.100 Longer than you.

01:37:51.060 Yeah.

01:37:51.360 And I've been married nine, 10 times.

01:37:54.220 Nine or 10 times.

01:37:55.320 But I asked him, what's the secret?

01:37:56.820 One thing was-

01:37:58.660 Communication.

01:37:59.220 No.

01:38:00.240 They're not monogamous.

01:38:02.540 Oh, that's right.

01:38:03.940 Well, that made me sick.

01:38:05.300 They can fuck whoever they want.

01:38:06.440 So I was like, well, that's not fair.

01:38:08.080 Not anymore.

01:38:09.580 Yeah.

01:38:10.160 They were on the gay cruise.

01:38:10.820 Yeah, they're in an open marriage.

01:38:11.220 What do you think they were doing on the gay cruise?

01:38:13.180 The second thing, which was the more important, is he said to me, he said the real secret,

01:38:18.160 because that sex stuff fades, but the real secret is the most romantic thing.

01:38:22.380 I'm going to tear up.

01:38:23.720 He said interlocking pathologies.

01:38:25.860 You want where you're fucked up to lock with someone else where they're fucked up.

01:38:31.100 And as long as it's interlocking, you don't have the same fucked up thing, where you're

01:38:35.960 strong and they're weak, but you're both fucked up, because you can't get through life

01:38:39.380 alone.

01:38:39.820 Nobody gets through life undamaged.

01:38:41.640 Find someone that's pathology interlocks.

01:38:43.660 That's interesting.

01:38:43.780 I am preferring, because this is the first time in my life where I've ever been alone,

01:38:50.760 because I raised my mom's kids.

01:38:53.240 I was always a mom.

01:38:54.300 No, and you leapfrogged from one husband to another.

01:38:58.000 You leapfrogged.

01:38:58.460 I like being alone, and I like judging people and making fun of them.

01:39:05.160 You're right.

01:39:06.160 And I don't need nobody except for companionship.

01:39:13.140 She doesn't need it.

01:39:14.120 She's right.

01:39:14.500 I have a lot of comedian friends and stuff.

01:39:17.640 I don't need somebody to snore.

01:39:21.600 She's right.

01:39:22.480 She can be alone.

01:39:22.920 What have you got with a companion that was fun and didn't snore and protected you?

01:39:28.680 He'd just want me to meet his friends, and they would all be boring.

01:39:34.300 So I wouldn't want to do that.

01:39:35.320 I'm sure the person that you met wouldn't be boring.

01:39:38.000 Well, if there is a man out there who equals me in-

01:39:41.560 Is everyone listening tonight?

01:39:43.660 If there is a man out there who equals me in wealth and charisma, and even goes a-

01:39:52.840 Comedy.

01:39:53.760 Yeah, and goes above and beyond everything that I got.

01:40:00.520 No, I don't need a man.

01:40:01.520 But if there is somebody who gets it, and I have to say again, got to be richer than me.

01:40:09.840 Okay?

01:40:10.420 That's number one.

01:40:11.460 That's tough.

01:40:12.400 I know.

01:40:13.120 Yeah, that's tough.

01:40:13.980 That's a tough one.

01:40:15.080 No.

01:40:15.680 No.

01:40:16.260 No more.

01:40:17.700 Can he have money?

01:40:18.360 Yeah, what if he's independently wealthy but not at a level?

01:40:21.220 Yeah, he doesn't.

01:40:22.020 Don't put-

01:40:23.140 Tell God this is what you want, because that's what I do.

01:40:25.740 You want a guy who doesn't need your money.

01:40:27.360 Yeah.

01:40:27.840 Yeah, I want a guy who doesn't need or want my money.

01:40:31.160 He's got his own money.

01:40:31.960 Independently wealthy.

01:40:32.960 He's got his own.

01:40:34.180 And his independence.

01:40:36.120 He's independent.

01:40:37.260 But it's so fascinating by how fucking cool I am, and sees it and goes, oh my God, you-

01:40:43.260 Are the coolest bitch.

01:40:44.400 There's nobody fucking, because I'm the hoochie-coochie gal.

01:40:50.120 No.

01:40:50.320 Everybody knows.

01:40:51.440 And not to tie this up in a big bow.

01:40:55.300 But there isn't that guy, unless it was like if Moses came back down.

01:40:59.960 Moses would really love me, because he loved his wife, Sephora, who was the daughter of Jethro,

01:41:07.460 which we say in Hebrew, Jethro.

01:41:10.720 That's what Sephora is named after.

01:41:12.120 Huh?

01:41:12.720 Sephora.

01:41:13.120 Sephora is named after Sephora?

01:41:15.180 Yeah.

01:41:15.200 Sephora.

01:41:15.800 Oh my God, I love her already.

01:41:17.100 She really guided Moses, which, so I would guide Moses in that same way.

01:41:22.360 So, if Moses' incarnation is back, that would be a powerful man with a wide reach to, you

01:41:30.220 know, bring the kingdom of God to this realm.

01:41:35.080 Yeah.

01:41:36.120 I love this.

01:41:36.380 Well, here I am, bitches.

01:41:38.680 What?

01:41:39.640 I just saw that.

01:41:41.100 I just saw that.

01:41:42.140 Hey, you know, Moses, speaking of that story you told earlier, Shannon, Moses, he's familiar

01:41:50.760 with the burning bush.

01:41:52.240 Ba-dum-boom-chum.

01:41:53.320 Yeah, baby!

01:41:55.220 Remember she fell asleep with the vibrator and burned her bush?

01:41:57.580 Burning bush.

01:41:58.040 Get it?

01:41:58.800 Ba-dum-boom.

01:41:59.280 All right.

01:41:59.640 Drop it up, Mom.

01:42:00.320 Jake, that was fast.

01:42:02.420 I loved it.

01:42:03.780 I'm very proud of you, son.

01:42:05.360 Thank you.

01:42:05.860 I love you, too.

01:42:06.540 And I'm proud of you.

01:42:07.260 You know, I feel so good, because I'm on the fucking beam.

01:42:10.500 You already did that.

01:42:11.520 But we're done.

01:42:13.180 Wrap it.

01:42:13.780 You went back to the teleprimer.

01:42:15.160 We're good.

01:42:15.600 Wrap it up.

01:42:15.680 I know.

01:42:16.300 But I do want to say this.

01:42:18.440 Here's how we'll end it.

01:42:20.740 I knew it was a joke.

01:42:22.620 Okay.

01:42:22.880 Shannon, I love you so much, honey.

01:42:25.760 I love you more.

01:42:26.480 And I am so happy for you that you got your perfect man.

01:42:31.900 I know how hard it was for you.

01:42:33.720 50 years.

01:42:34.580 50 years.

01:42:35.280 And you were searching.

01:42:37.220 Yeah.

01:42:38.680 I told God what I wanted to find my soulmate.

01:42:41.520 You did?

01:42:41.860 That's why I said, be clear to what you tell God.

01:42:44.460 What did you tell God?

01:42:45.800 I said, I wrote it down.

01:42:47.800 What did you say?

01:42:48.400 All I kept saying is, dear God, I want to meet my soulmate.

01:42:52.200 Everyone I know wrote it down.

01:42:53.580 We tell people all the time, write it down.

01:42:54.940 Yes, write it down.

01:42:55.480 It's manifestation.

01:42:56.240 Give me that pen and paper.

01:42:57.620 You have to be really, really explicit.

01:42:59.480 And you don't have to do it now.

01:43:00.480 Think about it.

01:43:01.580 Whatever you write down.

01:43:02.440 I don't need to think about it.

01:43:04.660 Terminally ill.

01:43:05.460 No.

01:43:07.480 No.

01:43:08.440 Make sure they meet your meals.

01:43:10.000 Think about it.

01:43:10.320 No children.

01:43:12.020 You want a fun companion.

01:43:14.120 I want somebody who loves you and loves to have fun.

01:43:18.420 Like me.

01:43:18.720 Just loves to have fun.

01:43:20.000 Here's what you want.

01:43:20.340 I want a male Shannon.

01:43:21.700 Yes.

01:43:22.600 That's what mine-

01:43:23.080 Not really.

01:43:23.860 No, because you're irritated.

01:43:25.940 No.

01:43:26.380 Come on.

01:43:26.820 I want a-

01:43:27.500 No, I take good care of you.

01:43:29.640 I know you do, honey.

01:43:30.520 But listen, I want a man who can be the leader, who can be the moral leader of me.

01:43:43.980 And you know there's none, but-

01:43:45.800 Well, you hate making decisions.

01:43:48.160 You hate figuring shit out.

01:43:49.520 I want a man-

01:43:50.620 You need a leader.

01:43:52.660 Amen.

01:43:53.480 And a companion.

01:43:54.460 Who can lead me-

01:43:57.840 And he's funny.

01:43:59.720 Who can lead me to what I want him to lead me to.

01:44:06.560 Sustenance and happiness.

01:44:08.100 Happiness.

01:44:09.780 And protection.

01:44:12.820 Emotional contentment.

01:44:14.240 Emotional contentment.

01:44:15.480 That's really good.

01:44:16.240 That's really good, Jakey.

01:44:17.860 Unconditional love.

01:44:19.660 Yeah.

01:44:20.220 Support.

01:44:20.760 Do I have to give that, though?

01:44:22.520 No, I'm kidding.

01:44:22.960 No, actually, no.

01:44:24.100 Because, no, you don't.

01:44:25.220 Because it's unconditional love.

01:44:26.380 You can be a total asshole.

01:44:27.400 He'll still love you.

01:44:27.980 Oh, yeah.

01:44:28.720 Good.

01:44:29.280 That's why it's unconditional.

01:44:30.420 But you need to be loving.

01:44:32.520 I need to be admired and cherished.

01:44:34.560 You are very loving.

01:44:35.880 She just wants an admirer.

01:44:37.480 I just want somebody to admire and cherish and be fascinated by me.

01:44:41.560 She wants a fan.

01:44:42.200 I think I have all the shit required for that.

01:44:45.960 I do.

01:44:46.440 But there's just no appreciators.

01:44:48.300 No, there are.

01:44:49.000 They are out there.

01:44:49.780 You're a fascinating person.

01:44:50.880 Stop saying that.

01:44:51.980 And, of course, they have to be a Jew.

01:44:53.880 I don't care.

01:44:54.460 No, they don't.

01:44:55.560 Yes, they do.

01:44:56.320 They do.

01:44:56.760 Because she's never been with a Jew.

01:44:57.600 I don't care the racial characteristics, Jew or a religious Christian that likes Jews.

01:45:05.820 No, I think they have to be a Jew.

01:45:07.360 And I'll tell you why.

01:45:08.220 She's never been with a Jew.

01:45:10.060 I have been with a Jew.

01:45:11.760 Who?

01:45:12.120 But he was a drug addict and that ruined my life.

01:45:15.100 Move on.

01:45:15.960 But you've never been married to a Jew.

01:45:17.600 No, I haven't been married to a Jew.

01:45:19.200 Do we know this person?

01:45:20.440 No, you don't.

01:45:22.060 Uh-uh.

01:45:22.880 I don't know.

01:45:23.440 No.

01:45:24.540 Okay, maybe it doesn't have to be a Jew.

01:45:25.960 I've only dated one Jew.

01:45:27.060 I've been with black people.

01:45:29.340 I've been with Chinese men.

01:45:30.940 I've been with a lot of men.

01:45:32.720 Chinese.

01:45:35.140 Are they little?

01:45:37.160 Is it true?

01:45:37.720 Is it true what they say?

01:45:40.660 Not necessarily.

01:45:42.800 No, I've seen some.

01:45:43.600 I'm not a size queen such as some people in this room.

01:45:47.600 I've seen some Chinese porn where the guy has a big one, so I don't think it matters.

01:45:53.500 That's very worldly of you.

01:45:55.520 It really doesn't matter, but I know it does to you, but like it doesn't in the real world.

01:46:02.380 We'll remember.

01:46:06.620 I love how you-

01:46:07.500 I'd rather not.

01:46:08.220 You're on camera, so when you go, everyone can see you're talking to Tom.

01:46:11.820 Oh, I thought we were done.

01:46:13.380 No, Tom has a tiny penis.

01:46:14.860 Everyone knows it's documented.

01:46:16.660 Well, even he says it.

01:46:18.060 Yeah, he finally came out with it.

01:46:20.500 Like, he's almost about it now.

01:46:22.940 Ew.

01:46:23.300 It doesn't matter what size a guy's penis is.

01:46:26.660 If he's a rich guy, it doesn't really matter.

01:46:29.720 All right, we have to wrap up.

01:46:31.460 Because you have to go.

01:46:32.560 Your car's going to be here in 30 minutes.

01:46:34.900 Huh?

01:46:35.480 You're going to a comedy store.

01:46:36.660 See Sam Tripoli again.

01:46:37.820 What the fuck?

01:46:38.080 30 minutes?

01:46:39.340 Yep.

01:46:39.700 Let's wrap it up.

01:46:40.420 I'll look in that camera.

01:46:41.360 Wrap it up.

01:46:44.700 Wrap it up, bitch.

01:46:46.120 How am I going to wrap this up?

01:46:48.600 Well, remember to laugh.

01:46:51.140 Hey, if you're a fucking sourpuss that's got nothing to laugh at, you know, fuck off.

01:47:00.260 Laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh.

01:47:02.240 Nothing's too serious.

01:47:03.980 Be nice.

01:47:05.180 Laugh all you can.

01:47:06.700 Believe in God.

01:47:08.000 Believe in God, absolutely.

01:47:09.520 And, uh, take, you know, look into, uh, taking the, uh, hers so you can lose a ton of weight

01:47:18.380 for your next project.

01:47:20.480 That's right.

01:47:21.500 Okay, see ya.

01:47:22.340 Oh, you see, my patience is growing thin

01:47:28.920 With the synthetic world

01:47:37.020 We're limited

01:47:39.300 We're limited

01:47:39.340 We're limited

The Roseanne Barr Podcast - December 12, 2024

Vibrator Burns with Shannon Hughey ｜ The Roseanne Barr Podcast #078

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