This Past Weekend with Theo Von - November 26, 2025


#626 - Baby Me


Episode Stats

Length

1 hour and 11 minutes

Words per Minute

160.99442

Word Count

11,525

Sentence Count

1,031

Misogynist Sentences

28

Hate Speech Sentences

33


Summary

Happy Thanksgiving to everyone! I know there are some people out there that are not ecstatic about it, and I don t know who it is, but it s not the elephant in the room. I m talking about Native Americans.


Transcript

00:00:00.000 Boarding for flight 246 to Toronto is delayed 50 minutes.
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00:00:18.060 Play Ojo.
00:00:19.460 Boarding will begin when passenger Fisher is done celebrating.
00:00:22.580 19 plus Ontario only. Please play responsibly.
00:00:24.640 Concerned by your gambling or that of someone close to you?
00:00:26.360 Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit comicsontario.ca.
00:00:30.280 I want to say that we have new collegiate gang gang hoodies that have just dropped.
00:00:35.560 Two new colorways.
00:00:37.460 Plus stuff from the Return of the Rat tour.
00:00:40.240 If you missed merchandise out there on that tour, I think we still have some remaining that's available there.
00:00:45.700 All of that at TheovanStore.com.
00:00:48.980 And thank you guys for all of the support.
00:00:51.700 Love y'all.
00:00:54.100 All right.
00:00:54.940 Oh, here we are.
00:01:00.900 Here we are.
00:01:01.680 Thanksgiving.
00:01:03.160 It's Thanksgiving time.
00:01:04.640 It's seasonal.
00:01:05.900 I want to wish a happy Thanksgiving to everyone.
00:01:11.360 I know there are some people out there that are not probably ecstatic about it.
00:01:17.440 And I'm going to say who it is really fast.
00:01:19.660 So it's not, you know, I don't want there to be like the elephant in the room or whatever.
00:01:26.140 But Native Americans.
00:01:28.660 So, and I know that everything that happened with those, with the beautiful indigenous, indigenous, indigenous people, the original people of this land.
00:01:45.460 And I know that, you know, that the things that happened to them were not fair.
00:01:54.540 And that's that.
00:01:55.720 But, and not that, not, that's not that.
00:01:57.480 That's not that.
00:01:58.540 But yeah, anyway, I don't know why I brought it up.
00:02:01.060 I just, I feel weird if you're saying happy Thanksgiving and then somebody is indigenous and they're like, well.
00:02:07.260 So I just wanted to honor those people and say, look, you know, our bad or whatever.
00:02:18.040 I didn't do it.
00:02:19.160 Somebody did it.
00:02:20.620 And, and I hope we catch them.
00:02:22.960 I'll tell you this.
00:02:23.860 If we ever get a time machine to go back in time and catch the people that are coming here, I will enlist.
00:02:32.760 I will go.
00:02:33.840 I will be happy to go.
00:02:34.720 So, but yeah, we just have to, we have to live where we are.
00:02:39.600 And the country is, you know, all of existence is kind of stacked on sin.
00:02:46.620 Excuse me.
00:02:47.600 Yeah.
00:02:47.960 The history of time is just stacked on sin, right?
00:02:50.280 Things get stacked on sin over time.
00:02:53.400 And that's, and, you know, in mistakes and accidents and let's eat.
00:02:59.820 That's where we're at.
00:03:01.160 So anyway, it's the time of year to finally sit down with people.
00:03:05.460 And eat and get you a little something.
00:03:09.400 I like to stare somebody right in the eyes and say, pass that big cut.
00:03:14.080 Pass that sweet potato souffle.
00:03:17.120 I want that.
00:03:18.860 Pass that back in garlic bread.
00:03:26.000 God, don't you want some garlic bread right now?
00:03:28.160 This, this, this, this goes out to just anybody right now, anybody, anywhere.
00:03:35.480 I don't care if you are incarcerated.
00:03:38.100 I don't care if you're working a double.
00:03:40.600 I don't care if you're in a coma, but somebody put some headphones on you.
00:03:45.420 Don't you want some garlic bread?
00:03:52.020 God, I want that.
00:03:53.260 I love, dude, I love garlic bread.
00:03:57.360 And even if people make it like bad, I like bad garlic bread.
00:04:02.400 Sometimes you go to a restaurant and they have the fascia or whatever.
00:04:05.560 I don't give a fuck about the fascia.
00:04:08.060 I want garlic ass bread.
00:04:10.720 I don't care if somebody, I don't care if it's some bitch.
00:04:13.980 And, uh, she just has a, like, she has a, you know, even if she just has a spoon and she puts a little, just like some trap house cook.
00:04:25.560 She just has a spoon with a little bit of bread in it, puts a little butter on it, a little garlic, and then just cooks it with a lighter under the spoon like that.
00:04:34.980 I don't care if she, you know, and then she puts that shit in a crack pipe and we smoke it, dude.
00:04:41.240 All I'm saying is, bro, garlic bread is so good.
00:04:45.920 Underrated.
00:04:47.220 It's the bacon of breads.
00:04:49.220 I'll go ahead and say that.
00:04:50.900 Shit is fire.
00:04:52.640 But I do want to say happy Thanksgiving to everybody.
00:04:55.820 I want to say thank you to everybody that bid in the charity jersey auction.
00:05:00.880 We had a series of jerseys that were given to us in certain cities along the last comedy tour.
00:05:08.720 And we got to auction all those off.
00:05:11.240 Um, and we raised about $40,000 for a local, um, rehabilitation place called Cumberland Heights.
00:05:19.580 And, uh, that's going to go towards helping people get, um, recovery, helping subsidize the recovery costs for people.
00:05:27.660 So, uh, thank you so much.
00:05:30.420 If you even listen to this podcast, or if you have, and you're like, I feel like I haven't done anything this year.
00:05:36.120 I haven't, you were a part of this.
00:05:37.980 So that's on behalf of us that we make that donation.
00:05:40.760 And, um, and then we all made a donation last week to the Gary Sinise Foundation.
00:05:45.900 So that was really great.
00:05:47.440 So, um, if, yeah, I just want everybody out there to feel like, uh, we're doing that sort of thing together.
00:05:53.400 And, um, and yeah, that's how I feel about it.
00:05:56.900 So thank you.
00:05:58.380 You know, what a blessing to know that people are going to be able to get some help.
00:06:02.380 Um, what have I been thinking about?
00:06:05.760 You know, it's, you know, it's, there's a, you know, it's just, it's a, it's a wild time in the, in the, in the world.
00:06:16.560 And it's, it feels like it's happened fast, you know, just a wild time.
00:06:22.380 And it's like, who are we and where are we going?
00:06:24.900 What does the future look like?
00:06:27.060 Um, and I think it's times like this, I'm realizing you kind of have to just lock back into like things are most important, you know?
00:06:36.520 Cause if you get caught up in a lot of the info, it's gets, it's kind of, you know, you're sitting there at Thanksgiving and you're staring across the table at somebody.
00:06:47.920 And they're just like, do you want the baked beans?
00:06:50.220 And you're like, I think I know who killed Charlie Kirk.
00:06:55.420 There was a second shooter.
00:06:56.600 There was 12 Israeli cell phones.
00:06:58.200 Just, you know, it can get deep.
00:06:59.920 You got to be careful there.
00:07:01.300 Somebody is like, do you want the baked beans?
00:07:03.140 And you're like, not if you think we fucking landed on the moon, I don't.
00:07:11.000 I'm like, okay, all right.
00:07:13.080 Get your own sides then.
00:07:14.800 Um, yeah, there's just, it's just a lot.
00:07:19.900 There's some, there's a lot of conspiracies out there and, and they're not even conspiracies, a lot of them anymore.
00:07:24.320 They're all coming true.
00:07:25.420 And so, you know, as we go, it is this wild time where we're kind of going through this.
00:07:29.740 It feels like this awakening where, you know, I mentioned it on Joe Rogan show where it was like, you know, the video game.
00:07:37.480 And like, there's the, there, you know, there's like, uh, Mario or, um, link or, um, and suddenly like you're, you're playing with the character, you're controlling them.
00:07:49.400 But suddenly the character just comes over to the front of the screen and just looks right at you.
00:07:54.580 And it's like, Hey, who's controlling me?
00:08:02.980 And that's when the controllers are like, oh shit.
00:08:08.360 So that's just, I feel like we're just in an interesting space there.
00:08:11.700 And I think instead of like, I think there can be fear about it, but there also can be excitement about it.
00:08:16.700 But no matter which, which, like, which cup you're putting your straw in at the moment, fear, excitement, I do believe that, uh, there is the fact that around the holidays or around any time that, that the one thing you have to lock into even more is, um, things that are real, things that are tangible in your world, your family, your, your friends, familiarity.
00:08:44.220 You know, connecting with people.
00:08:49.320 And I wrote me a little list.
00:08:50.640 We have some great calls that came in from people.
00:08:52.680 Um, I wrote me a little list here, uh, of things that I enjoy about life, some little things that I enjoy.
00:09:02.920 And if you want to call in, we'll, we'll, we'll, uh, we'll put some of these up next year, just, and they can just be brief things and you can even text them as well.
00:09:13.220 Um, uh, you can go to the website, theovan.com and there's a ways on there where you can contact the podcast, but some things that I like about life, small things, accidentally touching someone's leg that you don't know very well.
00:09:28.820 Now it's weird.
00:09:31.580 It's all, you know, it's kind of weird how it has, you know, you might be sitting somewhere at a movie theater, you drop something, you drop, um, a lip balm or you drop a, um, you know, a couple of grams or whatever, whatever.
00:09:45.400 I don't know how you, you know, I don't know.
00:09:47.360 I don't, but when I don't know what you do, but whatever you drop some, uh, um, you know, a couple of funions or whatever.
00:09:55.300 And you're like, Oh, I'm getting those bitches, but it's dark in the theater.
00:09:58.620 So you reach down there to get them and bam, you touch somebody's leg.
00:10:01.960 You didn't really see it.
00:10:03.400 And it's weird because you don't know them.
00:10:05.420 They don't know.
00:10:05.920 You all don't know each other, but you've touched their leg and that's weird and shit.
00:10:12.620 Uh, but there's something unique about it.
00:10:15.100 There's something very human about it.
00:10:18.160 Um, what else?
00:10:19.460 Petting a cat.
00:10:22.000 If you're petting a cat and it strikes at you like that and you call it a little bitch, I like that.
00:10:28.620 If you were ever, somebody's like, Oh, this is my cat.
00:10:32.020 This is Cheryl or whatever.
00:10:33.540 Or this is aunt Cheryl.
00:10:35.060 I had a friend, his cat named his cat, his cat was named aunt Cheryl.
00:10:38.580 And I'm like, okay.
00:10:39.780 So I'm not going to be friends with this guy too long, but, um, but he'd be like, Oh, don't you want to pet my, don't you want to pet aunt Cheryl?
00:10:47.300 And, uh, and at first I was like, no, I do not want, I do not want to, but he's like, he kept kind of give me the, like, he kept like giving me like the, um,
00:10:58.620 I guess the warm shoulder, he kept like wanting me to do it.
00:11:03.040 You know, if like, I guess that's called warm shouldering.
00:11:05.320 What is cold shouldering?
00:11:09.300 Cold.
00:11:11.180 Oh, yeah.
00:11:12.660 Intentionally cold or unsympathetic treatment.
00:11:14.980 So, yeah, this is, this guy was giving me more like the, he's kind of warm shouldering me and be like, Oh, don't, you know, don't you want to pet aunt Cheryl?
00:11:22.140 And, uh, and I didn't want to pet, I didn't want to pet aunt Cheryl.
00:11:27.320 And then finally I was like, all right, I'll pet aunt Cheryl.
00:11:31.020 And I go to pet this cat.
00:11:32.520 I pet one time and I don't pet, I don't pet more than two times usually.
00:11:37.020 Cause if you do, if you keep doing that, you know what I'm saying?
00:11:42.060 Somebody's going to fucking get active, you know, somebody's going to get activated in their body.
00:11:46.960 So I pet one and I go for the second pet and the fucking cat aunt Cheryl strikes me like that.
00:11:54.860 And I'm like this little bitch.
00:11:57.100 And, uh, anyway, I don't like it when that happens, but I also do respect that it's a unique thing about life.
00:12:03.540 Um, and so I'm grateful for that.
00:12:05.940 I'm grateful for the times that I get to pet a cat and it strikes at me and I call it a little bitch.
00:12:14.160 That's something I like.
00:12:15.240 Oh, showing up for a loved one.
00:12:16.820 That's number three.
00:12:18.260 That's one thing I really, really, uh, enjoy.
00:12:21.960 Um, showing up for a loved one.
00:12:25.900 That's important.
00:12:28.460 Um, making loud noises around your grandmother because she is hard of hearing.
00:12:33.540 And you can do that.
00:12:35.160 You can, you know, it's very rare.
00:12:37.080 You can be around someone and rattle off a loud slur, right?
00:12:42.100 And it can be a racial slur.
00:12:43.520 It can be non-racial if you want.
00:12:45.620 I mean, we know which ones are more fun, but that can be exciting.
00:12:51.080 If the person can't hear, but you're right there with them.
00:12:54.300 Cause it's very rare.
00:12:55.560 You can do that, but that's something I'm grateful for.
00:12:59.980 Um, burying something somewhere that no one will ever know about.
00:13:06.080 And some people are like, what do you mean?
00:13:07.340 What are you talking about?
00:13:08.280 But go do it.
00:13:09.540 Get you a shovel, get you a trowel, which is just a little baby shovel.
00:13:13.880 Um, and they should just call it baby shovel, you know, uh, and get something, get a little
00:13:24.140 something, get, get an earring, get a set of earrings, get a, um, get a, uh, little sack
00:13:33.740 of underpants or whatever, whatever.
00:13:37.200 Get something, get a, uh, yeah, get a bag of hair, get us, you know, pair of earrings,
00:13:42.200 get, um, you know, get a thing of, get a little, uh, just get something.
00:13:50.200 You know what things are.
00:13:51.320 Get something, right?
00:13:52.160 Get something and then go just bury it somewhere.
00:13:55.560 Bury it somewhere.
00:13:56.440 Don't tell anybody.
00:13:58.300 Always fun.
00:13:59.840 Uh, calling the cops on someone.
00:14:02.580 There's nothing more fun than that.
00:14:04.100 People kind of poo poo it or whatever.
00:14:07.460 I love it.
00:14:08.220 I used to live next door.
00:14:09.780 I used to live under a guy over there on Claiborne Avenue in New Orleans, bro.
00:14:14.520 And his family, they were, uh, Baltic or I don't know if they're Baltic or Russian or
00:14:20.700 you're, you know, they was, I don't know.
00:14:24.180 You could hear some of the women kind of, it felt like there was some abuse up there sometimes
00:14:28.380 and they would, and they were heavy set.
00:14:30.860 They had them big fatty calves, you know what I'm saying?
00:14:33.220 Big fucking knees.
00:14:34.480 I mean, God, like this dude had a spray WD-40 on his knees or whatever to get them bitches
00:14:39.220 to go.
00:14:39.960 You know, he was, he just had them, God, baby, them leg knuckles, homie.
00:14:45.700 This motherfucker had all, was all, all knees.
00:14:48.460 He had knees in his damn arms.
00:14:49.900 He was just big bone like that.
00:14:52.440 Anyway, I would call the police a lot.
00:14:54.740 I'd be like, hey, there's, they have a gun upstairs.
00:14:56.560 That's what I would say.
00:14:57.720 Did they have it?
00:14:58.360 I don't know, but the police get their quit.
00:15:00.580 If you say, oh, there's some guy with big knees upstairs who's causing a lot of shit,
00:15:06.280 maybe abusing people.
00:15:07.740 They don't come, dude.
00:15:09.680 But you say that, you know, big dog up there, some fucking European construction worker up
00:15:16.520 there has got that pew pew on him.
00:15:18.740 Bam, 11 minutes, they're over.
00:15:21.020 And then I take off my shirt when I talk to the cops in the yard.
00:15:24.420 That's where I'm from.
00:15:26.640 And I think that's how you learn a lot about people.
00:15:28.480 How do you talk to the cops in your front yard?
00:15:33.080 Shirt on, shirt off.
00:15:35.840 I go shirt off.
00:15:39.860 But those are little things about life that are kind of exciting.
00:15:43.240 Riley Mal.
00:15:46.420 Yes, sir.
00:15:48.080 What is something that you are kind of grateful for this year?
00:15:50.900 A little thing in the world that, like, is there a moment or something in the world that
00:15:55.520 makes you feel some gratitude?
00:15:59.000 Yeah.
00:15:59.780 I mean, you know, I just, there's, there's a new, new thing coming at the end of this year.
00:16:07.680 There's a new thing coming up?
00:16:09.660 Yeah.
00:16:10.220 That I'm grateful for.
00:16:11.900 That you're grateful for.
00:16:13.640 And it's not here yet, you're saying?
00:16:15.740 Not yet.
00:16:16.160 And good to hear your voice, brother.
00:16:18.200 Have you been taking voice lessons or something?
00:16:20.360 You just sound more comfortable in your skin.
00:16:23.480 No, just talking more.
00:16:25.960 Okay.
00:16:26.280 And what is a, what is a, you're saying there's something else, there's something on the
00:16:32.040 way that's coming.
00:16:32.720 What is it?
00:16:34.080 Or can you share it?
00:16:35.500 Yeah.
00:16:35.940 Yeah.
00:16:36.380 I've got a, got a little baby coming along the way.
00:16:39.680 God dang.
00:16:49.300 You have a, you have a baby coming?
00:16:52.180 I do.
00:16:53.020 Oh my gosh.
00:16:56.180 Bro.
00:16:59.000 Unreal.
00:16:59.700 Dude.
00:16:59.880 Congratulations, man.
00:17:01.420 Thank you.
00:17:02.180 Oh my gosh, bro.
00:17:04.740 Dude.
00:17:05.240 I remember when you hadn't even, um, come out of your own nuts or whatever.
00:17:09.320 Remember that?
00:17:10.500 Yeah.
00:17:12.820 Wow.
00:17:14.220 And now you're like, I'll show them.
00:17:17.760 Wow, dude.
00:17:19.320 I'm going to make this skeet grow up.
00:17:23.560 That's a, that's crazy, dude.
00:17:26.080 Um, does everybody know about this?
00:17:28.900 Uh, yeah, we made a post about it, man.
00:17:32.620 I'm sorry, dude.
00:17:34.360 I've really, I mean, it's selfish.
00:17:35.860 I've been caught up in my own universe, I think.
00:17:37.960 Um, but man, I want to hear more about this.
00:17:40.400 And is this with a woman that you are, um, still, uh, involved with?
00:17:44.540 Yes.
00:17:45.100 Oh, wow.
00:17:47.780 So cool, man.
00:17:49.100 Um, well, okay.
00:17:50.260 Well, I want to get back to you on that.
00:17:52.000 I'm going to finish out this list.
00:17:53.160 Are there a, is there anything that you can think of outside of this future baby coming?
00:17:59.440 And is it a male or female?
00:18:00.980 Do you know?
00:18:01.500 Have y'all looked at it?
00:18:02.580 It's a male.
00:18:04.700 Oh, amen, brother.
00:18:08.120 God, God has got you, man.
00:18:13.200 I want to, we can even pray about it right now.
00:18:14.980 You care if we pray about it for a second?
00:18:16.500 Yeah, let's do it.
00:18:17.240 Let's do it, man.
00:18:20.960 God, we just want to thank you today.
00:18:22.680 Um, you know, in times where we're uncertain about things and where we, it feels like it's
00:18:29.140 tough to get a foothold that sometimes our sense of purpose wanes, uh, based on our society
00:18:35.000 that, uh, that you can remind us that there are important things in the world.
00:18:42.360 Um, God, we want to thank you so much for giving Riley, um, a chance to be a father.
00:18:51.120 You know, when I met Riley, he was barely, he hadn't even had any, uh, see, I'm going to
00:18:59.800 say it fast.
00:19:00.420 So it's not, cause we are, we are in a prayer.
00:19:02.380 He hadn't even had any semen come out of his body.
00:19:04.760 And here he is just serving blast sauce and just having it grow up into something beautiful.
00:19:12.880 And we want to lift this child up to you, God, before it's even here.
00:19:16.220 Uh, and what's the name of the child, Riley?
00:19:18.000 Uh, we've haven't announced it yet.
00:19:21.960 Okay.
00:19:23.860 God, we want to lift up this unannounced child to you that at this point is still just a
00:19:28.400 batch of semen and egg, um, that, uh, that you may, that you are helping, uh, cultivate
00:19:38.520 and moisturize.
00:19:40.280 Um, and so we just want to lift that up to you, God, and say, thank you for reminding
00:19:44.100 us what is purposeful and that we can find purpose in family.
00:19:47.280 Rod, uh, amen.
00:19:49.440 Amen.
00:19:50.080 Do you feel like this is giving you a sense of purpose, Riley?
00:19:52.640 I do.
00:19:53.480 Wow.
00:19:54.760 I'm so excited for you, man.
00:19:56.420 And I'm also just like, I mean, it's just, that's, what's important.
00:20:03.720 That's, what's important, man.
00:20:05.020 I'm going to rattle off a few other things.
00:20:06.660 If you can think of something small, Riley, we're going to get back to you and talk about
00:20:09.240 this in a few seconds.
00:20:10.320 Uh, cause I want to, um, we have questions that we're going to get to from the hotline.
00:20:14.140 Uh, some other things that people enjoy doing.
00:20:19.000 Um, oh, on my list was getting engaged.
00:20:24.000 That was one.
00:20:24.640 That's a fun, beautiful thing where when you see that moment of somebody getting engaged,
00:20:28.520 it really means something.
00:20:30.120 Um, did that happen as well for you, Riley?
00:20:34.260 Not yet.
00:20:35.180 Okay.
00:20:35.940 So you're having a child out of wedlock currently?
00:20:38.480 Yep.
00:20:39.140 Okay.
00:20:40.380 So we are stacking sin, brother.
00:20:42.420 That's okay.
00:20:43.420 But hey, you're trying, right?
00:20:44.860 You're figuring it out.
00:20:45.700 So here's something, painting something and then realizing you can't paint for shit.
00:20:50.740 That, uh, that happens to me a lot.
00:20:54.500 You know, I'll sit down with a kid or a niece or nephew or something.
00:20:57.840 I'll want to draw something and I'm like, let's draw.
00:21:00.520 I'll be like, okay, let's draw.
00:21:03.540 And, um, and we'll start drawing.
00:21:07.120 I'm like, ah, fuck.
00:21:07.760 I still can't draw.
00:21:09.140 I can't draw for shit.
00:21:10.420 I never could.
00:21:10.960 I can't paint for shit.
00:21:11.980 But, and that's a weird moment, but it's still a moment that I appreciate about life.
00:21:16.280 There's something oddly kind of nice about it because it's very real.
00:21:20.860 Um, so those are some things that I, uh, some feelings that I've enjoyed in, and over the
00:21:26.020 years.
00:21:26.220 And those are little things that I like to lock back in on that make me feel alive and purposeful.
00:21:32.300 Um, and, uh, and you have a lot of those, I'm sure, you know, you have a lot of those.
00:21:41.520 You want to name one, Riley?
00:21:42.480 Anything else that comes to your mind?
00:21:46.940 Um, not that I could think of.
00:21:53.960 Yep.
00:21:54.720 I knew, I knew that.
00:21:57.140 Look, I've been jockeying some new unders, baby.
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00:24:37.020 Yeah.
00:24:37.700 Oh, before we move on, tomorrow, we're putting out a special episode with Mike Rowe.
00:24:42.680 And it's all about focusing on companies that make products in America.
00:24:48.780 And some of them are very small, and some of them are a little bit bigger and have more
00:24:52.400 history.
00:24:53.280 But we wanted to, you know, a lot of stuff isn't made here anymore.
00:24:58.380 And we all get kind of stuck where we have to buy things from these big conglomerates.
00:25:02.640 And that's okay.
00:25:03.800 Maybe that's how it will always be.
00:25:06.720 But we were thinking, well, if we could buy stuff from our fellow Americans, then we can
00:25:11.020 support them.
00:25:11.840 Right?
00:25:12.280 So, yeah, it was just kind of this pipe dream where, yeah, I'd rather buy something from
00:25:18.300 you.
00:25:19.640 Because then I get what I want, and you get my money.
00:25:24.940 And so then if we do that, then we just need each other.
00:25:29.620 So we started looking at some companies.
00:25:33.940 There were more we could have done, but we tried to do the best we could.
00:25:37.540 It was kind of like last minute putting it together.
00:25:40.920 But that episode will come out this week.
00:25:42.760 And if you want to watch through and support some of those, cool.
00:25:45.580 And if not, that's okay, too.
00:25:47.040 But thank you to all the companies that submitted those American Originals products.
00:25:53.460 And we even made a page.
00:25:54.620 It's theovon.com slash American Originals.
00:25:57.720 And you'll be able to go there and just see what all of them are.
00:26:01.460 So, yeah, just really happy that we got to do something like that.
00:26:06.580 Oh, my friend Sebastian Maniscalco has a new special coming out on Hulu.
00:26:13.360 And somebody sent a clip of that.
00:26:15.540 So, we can take a look at that right here.
00:26:19.840 Let's give it a watch.
00:26:22.740 Is anybody getting up in the morning refreshed?
00:26:26.540 Is anybody getting out of bed going, whoa, I had a great sleep?
00:26:31.840 I get up, I feel worse than when I went to bed.
00:26:36.900 I'm like, did I sleep last night?
00:26:39.160 What the hell happened?
00:26:45.540 I'm waking up my wife with the sounds coming out of my body.
00:26:52.040 Three o'clock in the morning.
00:26:56.340 She's like, are you eating potato chips?
00:27:00.200 That's my knees extending onto the floor for my ninth piss.
00:27:05.320 Go back to bed, babe.
00:27:07.000 I didn't bring a can of Pringles into the bed.
00:27:11.520 Speaking of going to the bathroom, I took my son to the bathroom at a restaurant and I was watching him go.
00:27:17.540 I was jealous at the strength of his stream.
00:27:21.380 He was chipping porcelain off the back of the bowl.
00:27:25.120 Oh, yeah.
00:27:26.800 And I have, I, yeah, I will say that.
00:27:29.780 If I'm in a public place, I will wait to go urinate before I go.
00:27:33.640 I will let it build up.
00:27:35.380 I will do, you know, I will save up.
00:27:39.080 I will go, I will let it build until I'm really big bagging and then I'll go in there.
00:27:44.900 And I'll pee straight into the water as fast as I can so that people are like, dang, this guy's really, he got that PSI on him, you know.
00:27:55.920 You feel me, player?
00:27:56.740 Let's hear more here from Sebastian.
00:27:58.980 I get up in the middle of the night and when I go to the bathroom, it's two streams.
00:28:03.800 I need two toilets now.
00:28:06.280 I'm pissing miss.
00:28:09.400 All right.
00:28:10.480 I'm pissing missed.
00:28:17.540 Yeah, this guy, right?
00:28:20.840 That's a, like, this guy, this guy, you know?
00:28:27.620 Like, Sebastian, like, like, if he saw a ghost or something, he'd be, like, reporting it to the police.
00:28:32.400 He'd be like, yeah, officer, you know, this guy, he, he's not a guy.
00:28:37.140 You can't see him, you know?
00:28:39.260 He's a, the guy's a fucking ghost, you know?
00:28:45.400 And the ghost, you know, he's wearing it, like, you know?
00:28:50.800 And I'm, like, looking at, like, he doesn't even have any footprints.
00:28:56.460 That would be good.
00:29:02.040 Yeah, he's reporting a ghost, like, yeah, officer, uh, uh, eh.
00:29:08.140 The guy, the guy, he's a, you know, he's not, he's a guy, but he's not a guy.
00:29:13.500 You feel me?
00:29:15.160 He's a guy.
00:29:16.680 The guy.
00:29:18.000 You know what I'm saying?
00:29:18.620 He used to be a guy.
00:29:25.940 He's a guy.
00:29:28.280 And the officer's, like, excuse me?
00:29:29.840 What are you trying?
00:29:30.440 He's, like, I'm telling you.
00:29:32.640 The guy used to be a guy.
00:29:36.720 Uh, yeah.
00:29:38.180 I don't know.
00:29:38.660 That's Sebastian Maneskago reporting a ghost.
00:29:40.820 I don't know.
00:29:42.060 I don't know what I'm doing.
00:29:43.040 Who does?
00:29:44.000 Um, but, yeah.
00:29:46.320 There you go.
00:29:47.040 Watch Sebastian Maneskago.
00:29:49.320 It ain't right.
00:29:51.380 That's what it's called.
00:29:52.240 Now streaming on Hulu and Hulu on Disney Plus for bundle subscribers.
00:29:57.020 Um, yeah, I want to support my guy there.
00:29:59.520 Uh, so, blessings to you, Sebastian.
00:30:02.220 Always being supportive.
00:30:04.840 Uh, being brave.
00:30:06.000 Going out and doing some movies.
00:30:07.200 Different things that he wants to do over the years.
00:30:09.200 Uh, I admire that.
00:30:11.540 Guy.
00:30:13.140 I admire that guy.
00:30:15.040 I gotta work on that.
00:30:16.120 That is one of the best, though.
00:30:17.220 There's so many people that do so many great, uh, Sebastian impersonations.
00:30:20.400 And just, like, you see, like, couples in his audience and stuff like that.
00:30:24.340 And there's something pretty magical about, uh, his crowd and his fan base.
00:30:28.000 We got some calls that came in.
00:30:29.460 The holidays.
00:30:30.700 Uh, here's one that came in right here.
00:30:33.920 Let's hit it.
00:30:36.540 Hey, Theo.
00:30:37.280 Uh, this is Bailey.
00:30:38.920 And I'm 23.
00:30:40.340 Um, what's up, Bailey?
00:30:42.880 And, um, thank you for being, uh, alive and calling in.
00:30:47.740 Onward.
00:30:48.420 And I was just calling to just tell people that, like, shit does get better.
00:30:53.680 Um, this time last year around Thanksgiving.
00:30:55.860 I was in a psych ward.
00:30:57.780 You know, I got the, I got the BPD.
00:31:00.180 Uh, and it's, like, tough to come to terms with.
00:31:04.260 And just.
00:31:04.720 Wait, you got the what?
00:31:05.560 Let me hear it again.
00:31:06.860 In a psych ward.
00:31:07.920 You know, I got the, I got the BPD.
00:31:10.360 Uh.
00:31:10.880 What is BPD?
00:31:11.860 Riley, are you familiar with that?
00:31:15.040 I am not.
00:31:15.800 Okay.
00:31:18.740 You think you could create some familiar, familiarity with it?
00:31:23.260 Pretty quickly somehow over there?
00:31:27.640 BPD is borderline personality disorder.
00:31:30.600 Okay.
00:31:31.440 There we go.
00:31:32.200 I didn't know it.
00:31:33.000 And thank you, sir.
00:31:34.460 Onward.
00:31:34.840 And it's, like, tough to come to terms with and just dealing with depression.
00:31:40.940 But I don't know, man.
00:31:43.040 Uh, you don't notice it, like, right away.
00:31:45.620 But suddenly, like, it kind of lifts.
00:31:48.320 And I'm almost a year later and turning 24.
00:31:51.280 And I don't know, man.
00:31:52.940 Like, it feels cool to live.
00:31:54.940 And I've just really enjoyed listening to your podcast.
00:31:58.380 And you're just such a light man.
00:32:00.140 And I really appreciate that.
00:32:02.440 And you just say some of the craziest shit.
00:32:06.160 And it always makes my day.
00:32:07.940 Well, thank you, Theo.
00:32:09.660 Everybody.
00:32:10.780 Shit gets better.
00:32:11.900 Even if you can't see it right now.
00:32:13.980 I think there's a purpose in life.
00:32:17.000 And it will work out just the way it needs to.
00:32:20.760 Even if you can't see it right now.
00:32:22.420 So let me just, like, tell you all that.
00:32:24.860 Bye.
00:32:25.580 Amen.
00:32:27.560 Wow, that's very profound.
00:32:28.900 I can hear a lot of the joy in your voice, too.
00:32:32.920 Yeah, it's like, almost like, well, thank you right there.
00:32:34.780 Even just that statement.
00:32:35.840 Like, it works.
00:32:36.360 You know, like, even if I just let your words be my glasses for a minute, you know?
00:32:40.720 Out of my own eyes, I can't see that it's going to be different.
00:32:43.940 But if I can take your words of experience right there and put them on my face for a second,
00:32:49.420 I could see, oh, there's so much possibility.
00:32:52.900 There is a different.
00:32:54.680 There is something different, you know?
00:32:56.580 So, that's kind of like, yeah, that's, I guess, what people's words and encouragement can do for you.
00:33:05.880 And sharing your testimony on something.
00:33:08.180 But I'm so happy for you.
00:33:12.760 I'm so happy for you, Bailey, that you hung in there.
00:33:16.880 I love this part.
00:33:17.860 This part really made me feel something right in here.
00:33:19.520 Let me play it again.
00:33:20.160 Tough to come to terms with and just dealing with depression.
00:33:25.560 But I don't know, man.
00:33:28.020 You don't notice it, like, right away.
00:33:30.240 But suddenly, like, it kind of lifts.
00:33:32.960 And I'm almost a year later and turning 24.
00:33:35.940 And I don't know, man.
00:33:37.580 Like, it feels cool to live.
00:33:40.100 There you go.
00:33:40.900 That's cool.
00:33:41.740 Yeah.
00:33:43.260 Oh, that's another great feeling, huh?
00:33:45.140 When it feels cool to live, dude.
00:33:46.900 When you see two people with big bellies that are hugging each other, kind of.
00:33:50.800 Or, like, kind of, God, I love that.
00:33:52.760 When you see them fucking first, those bellies touch.
00:33:54.920 And then they touch each other with their arms.
00:33:56.860 Fuck, I love that.
00:33:58.900 We had some neighbors at our first apartment complex.
00:34:02.220 And they were bellied up.
00:34:03.680 I mean, these bitches had some fucking fronts on them, you know?
00:34:07.000 And people in our area were poor.
00:34:09.280 And so, if you saw somebody that had a little bit extra body on them,
00:34:11.960 you were kind of fucking jealous.
00:34:14.120 Because you knew they'd been eating and they'd been, you know,
00:34:17.200 snacking or whatever and doing ice creams at night.
00:34:19.800 And it was like, no judgment.
00:34:21.760 You know?
00:34:22.500 I would look damn emaciated as a child.
00:34:25.960 And so, oh.
00:34:28.440 But, God, you'd see some of them thickers and you'd be like, damn, boy.
00:34:32.860 These thickers out here, they really, they showing off.
00:34:37.820 You know?
00:34:38.900 Because if everybody's hungry and you're walking around and you're stouting about
00:34:43.020 and you got a little sack of, you know, cheese nuggets or whatever in your pocket
00:34:48.640 and shit at all times, baby, then people are going to question things, you know?
00:34:53.820 And the one dude, he would always keep a little thing of bacon bits on him.
00:34:57.860 And he'd fucking sprinkle them bitches in his hand and put a couple in his mouth.
00:35:01.160 Because he liked having that hit of meat on his tongue.
00:35:05.260 Anyway.
00:35:06.800 But, yeah, them bacon bits.
00:35:07.940 You ever, you ever, you ever have any bacon bits, Raleigh Mal?
00:35:12.160 I have.
00:35:13.380 What you think of them, baby?
00:35:16.080 I think they're pretty good.
00:35:18.060 That's what I'm talking about, big dog.
00:35:22.100 What was I talking about?
00:35:23.500 I don't know.
00:35:23.920 What were we just talking about, Raleigh?
00:35:24.860 Do you remember?
00:35:25.260 I do not.
00:35:30.480 Unreal, man.
00:35:31.400 Good to see you again, as always, dude.
00:35:34.840 I had just played this freaking, and I said we're having a great time.
00:35:40.740 And then, shit, I don't know.
00:35:45.740 But thank you, Bailey, for that calling in and just reminding us that things get better
00:35:50.340 and that we are here for a purpose.
00:35:52.540 That's what I like.
00:35:53.860 Putting that on my shoulders.
00:35:55.020 Well, then, if this is what the world is, right, then what is my purpose in it?
00:36:01.520 Because it's still a video game, and I'm still the hero, right?
00:36:04.420 That's how we have to look at it, right?
00:36:07.060 Not in an egotistical way, but it's like that I'm the first player.
00:36:10.260 That's what I mean.
00:36:10.900 You're player one.
00:36:12.120 We're all player one for our own lives.
00:36:14.360 And so what is our purpose, you know?
00:36:16.420 What is my purpose, you know?
00:36:19.540 And it's kind of nice if you think we live in a world of good versus evil, you know?
00:36:24.700 And not that we all, you know, that we all don't have part pieces of both in us, but
00:36:29.120 that if you're fighting, that you can fight for one side.
00:36:32.700 And what does that fight for me look like?
00:36:34.820 That's kind of exciting.
00:36:36.540 It gives your life a little bit of gravity.
00:36:40.160 Riley Mal, let's go to you, man.
00:36:42.080 Dude, I want to say thank you so much, man.
00:36:47.940 Riley.
00:36:48.800 Yep.
00:36:49.380 Can you hear me?
00:36:50.160 Yep.
00:36:50.800 Okay.
00:36:51.780 Well, didn't seem like you could, but what, so take me through this, man, because I remember
00:36:57.400 how long ago was it that you and I met and you would never even felt that sauce climb
00:37:05.260 right out of you, that little fucking baby rocket you got out of that little gerbil arm
00:37:10.520 you got.
00:37:10.980 Yeah, we, uh, I think we met back in what, 2020?
00:37:16.660 Nah, I wasn't here.
00:37:22.140 I thought you were.
00:37:24.220 Well, we've seen you think a lot of things over the years, big dog, that did not pan out.
00:37:31.140 But no, look, well, look, whatever year it was, man, when we connected, you remember you
00:37:35.460 were at a space sexually, you were not even sexually active.
00:37:38.220 Right.
00:37:40.200 Um, and then that changed.
00:37:42.740 And how did you get to the point of fatherhood, man?
00:37:44.820 Cause you got there really fast.
00:37:45.900 It seems like, do you feel like that?
00:37:47.560 Just tell me something.
00:37:49.880 Yeah.
00:37:50.820 Um, I, uh, I was on tour when, you know, when.
00:37:56.640 On tour with, you were, you were working as a, uh, doing audio visual on tour.
00:38:02.400 Correct.
00:38:02.800 Okay.
00:38:04.260 And then, uh, that's when she found out.
00:38:06.480 So she didn't tell me until I came back.
00:38:09.360 Okay.
00:38:11.160 And, um, did she do a special ceremony to let you know?
00:38:15.980 No.
00:38:17.100 Did she put it in a card or anything?
00:38:18.960 Did she write it?
00:38:19.720 Like, you know, a lot of times women will, uh, you know, if they're pissed, they'll fucking
00:38:25.460 write it on the front of your house with spray paint.
00:38:27.220 Like it's yours, mother, you know?
00:38:29.560 Um, but if they're not, sometimes they'll put like a little picture of a baby or something
00:38:33.620 or draw a picture of a baby with a crayon or something and put that, you know, hide
00:38:38.380 it under your dinner napkin or dinner dish.
00:38:41.880 Nope.
00:38:42.960 Okay.
00:38:43.400 Nothing, huh?
00:38:45.380 Nothing.
00:38:46.260 Did she look you in the eyes?
00:38:47.840 Was she vacuuming and she just stopped it for a second and said, Hey, we're, we're, you
00:38:51.840 know, we're having one.
00:38:52.980 And then start, like, did she, was there any extracurriculars involved with it?
00:38:59.140 Uh, no, we were just sitting down.
00:39:02.100 Wow.
00:39:03.780 And how do you feel, man?
00:39:07.580 Uh, now I feel pretty good.
00:39:09.740 Okay.
00:39:10.560 At the first, at the beginning, were you scared?
00:39:12.380 Yeah.
00:39:13.840 What were some of your original fears, man?
00:39:15.660 And thank you for sharing this with us.
00:39:17.100 Cause I think a lot of people go through this.
00:39:20.840 I mean, we've, we talked to a guy a couple of months ago and he was saying that, you
00:39:24.060 know, he was having a child and he was very scared.
00:39:26.880 Um, but yeah, tell me about that Raleigh, baby.
00:39:30.260 Yeah.
00:39:30.680 I mean, at first I was, I was terrified.
00:39:33.760 I, uh, what did you do?
00:39:35.000 Did you stand up?
00:39:36.120 Did you fucking shake your hands like this?
00:39:38.200 Did you make a sound?
00:39:38.900 Like, do you, can you take me through a little bit of it?
00:39:40.880 No, we were both just sitting down and I was looking at her and I was like, Oh, like,
00:39:45.460 you're not kidding.
00:39:46.100 And she was like, no, not kidding.
00:39:49.100 I'm like, you sure?
00:39:50.580 She was like, yeah, I'm, I'm pretty sure.
00:39:53.060 I'm like, Oh, okay.
00:39:58.080 And did you guys make love again that night or is that?
00:40:01.360 Not that night.
00:40:02.460 Okay.
00:40:03.440 But soon after you think?
00:40:05.220 Yeah.
00:40:06.140 Wow.
00:40:07.040 Riley returning to the scene of the crime, bro.
00:40:12.120 Dang, dude.
00:40:13.160 Riley stopping back by to peep the skeet work, homie.
00:40:17.340 Damn.
00:40:18.720 That's crazy work, bro.
00:40:20.440 That's unhinged dog.
00:40:23.260 Um, do you guys remember the night of conception?
00:40:26.500 Was that a big night?
00:40:27.960 I know that, you know, whenever we'd spoken last, I think you'd probably had sex, I think
00:40:32.120 almost six times and is, did that, was this a special evening at all?
00:40:39.160 When you guys look back on it, had you guys been out to hear any music?
00:40:42.780 Had you heard some, you know, had you been to the young boy show?
00:40:45.620 Had you been listening to some Ella Langley?
00:40:47.420 Had you, um, you know, uh, I know that, um, Dermot Kennedy had also played recently.
00:40:53.660 Um, was there anybody, uh, that you guys had listened to?
00:40:57.940 Um, no, it wasn't like that.
00:41:00.020 I will say it was on April 1st.
00:41:04.000 Wow.
00:41:07.720 So Riley popping in, huh?
00:41:11.400 Yeah.
00:41:11.920 With that Chinese chop work on fucking April Fool's Day.
00:41:18.640 Do you think that is a risky day to ejaculate into somebody?
00:41:22.540 Now I do.
00:41:26.940 Big facts, homie.
00:41:29.640 Big facts!
00:41:31.680 Riley freaking ejacking, damn, homie.
00:41:35.120 God.
00:41:36.440 I remember when you were just a little fucking magic lamp, bro, just waiting to bust.
00:41:40.500 I was afraid to even accidentally bump into you.
00:41:44.180 Figured your semen would just fly out of your eyes.
00:41:46.800 Because you were so full and you'd never even ejacked or whatever.
00:41:50.120 God, baby, praise God.
00:41:52.540 And now, and have you seen photos of you sure you guys are having a child?
00:41:57.620 Yeah.
00:41:58.300 And is there a short list of names even?
00:42:00.600 A few names?
00:42:02.120 Uh, I think we finally narrowed it down.
00:42:05.780 Can you give us one letter that's in the name?
00:42:09.520 M.
00:42:09.880 Can I have one guess, even if you don't tell me if it's right?
00:42:17.500 Yeah.
00:42:22.500 Mark.
00:42:24.420 Good guess.
00:42:25.080 But you're not telling me if it's right, huh?
00:42:28.620 Nope.
00:42:29.540 Yeah.
00:42:30.880 And you can, is there, yeah, I don't know if you can, Mark is kind of, it's a great name.
00:42:35.340 My friend, I have a friend named Mark.
00:42:36.600 He's doing pretty good, I think.
00:42:37.520 Um, well, I want you to think of a couple of things, like, I want, I'm going to come back
00:42:42.960 to this, Riley, we're going to jump into another call right here, okay?
00:42:45.800 Here's one right here, a call that came in.
00:42:48.320 Hi, Theo, it's Anna.
00:42:50.660 Hey, Anna, thank you for calling.
00:42:53.320 Um, and blessings to you this time of year, my love.
00:42:57.140 Onward.
00:42:58.120 I'm just calling because, you know, the holidays are coming up.
00:43:02.180 Thanksgiving, Christmas, for all who celebrate.
00:43:04.720 And, uh, anyways, I hate my family.
00:43:11.860 Okay, yeah.
00:43:13.140 Yeah, that is, uh, that is a, that's a thing.
00:43:21.380 That's a thing.
00:43:23.420 I hate saying it out loud, but I hate them.
00:43:29.460 They're so mean to me.
00:43:31.040 Hmm.
00:43:31.740 And I have no one to celebrate with.
00:43:33.360 And I'm just sad, man.
00:43:36.400 I'm just so sad about it.
00:43:39.120 And I don't know if you've ever had problems with your family, but it just sucks.
00:43:45.580 So, anyways, I figured I'd just send this voicemail because, I don't know, I just wanted to.
00:43:54.300 Bye, Theo.
00:43:57.160 Bye, Anne.
00:43:58.320 Was it Anne or Anna?
00:43:59.300 I'm sorry.
00:43:59.740 Do you remember, Riley?
00:44:03.360 Hi, Theo.
00:44:06.280 It's Anna.
00:44:10.120 Um, well, Anna, thanks for calling in and just letting us know.
00:44:13.780 Sometimes you have to say something, you know?
00:44:15.860 Sometimes you have to say something.
00:44:18.900 Sometimes you have to say stuff.
00:44:20.740 I hate my family.
00:44:23.660 I don't give a shit.
00:44:24.780 I think somebody's a wizard.
00:44:26.460 Fuck you.
00:44:29.640 Piece of shit.
00:44:31.260 Those are five things I'd have said that were inside of me.
00:44:33.520 Sometimes, if you do that, you rattle off five things.
00:44:36.600 You just make it every other second.
00:44:38.060 You put a finger up and you have to say them no matter what.
00:44:42.060 You know?
00:44:43.280 Start that one, Riley.
00:44:44.280 Start it with I hate my family and do four others right after.
00:44:46.660 See what comes out of you.
00:44:47.520 Uh, uh, just try it.
00:44:57.080 There's no right or wrong.
00:45:00.160 I love my girlfriend.
00:45:02.440 We have to start with I hate my family.
00:45:04.060 We're not saying we hate our families.
00:45:05.340 We're just saying we're, we're, we're supporting Anne.
00:45:08.300 All right.
00:45:08.960 I hate my family.
00:45:11.220 I love my girlfriend.
00:45:14.980 This podcast is great.
00:45:16.340 Come on.
00:45:18.760 You're thinking too hard.
00:45:19.580 Let it out.
00:45:21.400 Uh, fuck.
00:45:24.420 Let it out, motherfucker.
00:45:26.640 Uh, say it.
00:45:30.060 Uh, uh, whatever.
00:45:35.220 It's all good, man.
00:45:36.100 You do your best.
00:45:36.800 Was that the best you could do?
00:45:38.180 Yeah.
00:45:38.780 Okay.
00:45:39.980 That's all right, man.
00:45:41.300 I think you're still in your head about it, but sometimes just letting those feelings out.
00:45:44.960 And yeah, I could definitely relate.
00:45:46.600 Look, I'll tell you some things though.
00:45:47.840 And I will say this.
00:45:48.600 There's times where I didn't like my family, but the truth was I'm the problem.
00:45:53.600 You know?
00:45:54.860 Now, if they're so mean to you, that's one thing.
00:45:57.240 But I, I had times in my life where I'm the problem.
00:46:01.420 Oh, I don't want to go to that.
00:46:02.620 Why?
00:46:02.880 Because I don't want to be uncomfortable.
00:46:04.680 Well, if I already know, you know, now if it's true that I'm all, it's like they're,
00:46:10.760 they're mean to me and they are, you know, if they put on heavy gloves and tickle me or
00:46:15.000 they do something bad or call me dirty baby or something or fucking write racial shit on
00:46:20.300 my car or whatever.
00:46:21.180 Yeah.
00:46:21.820 That's fucked up.
00:46:22.780 But if they're just, you know, being family and stuff and, you know, I don't know, like
00:46:30.920 we have to make things real.
00:46:34.280 So it's like, yeah, I got to go show up.
00:46:36.560 It's an act, you know, consider it an act of service.
00:46:38.620 At least in my family, there might be another family member that gets to look across the
00:46:42.160 table and I'm there for them.
00:46:43.160 Right.
00:46:43.840 And the truth is I, I'll get more joy out of it because I need family.
00:46:48.940 I need connection.
00:46:52.040 So I'm not preaching at you or anything.
00:46:53.760 I think I'm actually just talking to myself out loud and, uh, but I may, you know, over
00:46:59.620 the years I've thought, I don't need this.
00:47:01.060 I don't need this, you know, but so maybe there's a way to try to work it out for the
00:47:07.780 best.
00:47:07.980 And if not, don't get caught in that self-pity place.
00:47:11.160 Like right here, you were saying, and I have no one to celebrate with and I'm just
00:47:16.260 sad, man.
00:47:18.260 I'm just so sad about it.
00:47:21.000 Right.
00:47:21.540 That, that, that place can get kind of tricky.
00:47:23.340 Like, uh, it's okay to feel some sadness, but don't get so caught in it where you're
00:47:28.160 just, just always just telling people you're sad or feeling too sad.
00:47:31.780 Like, um, it's okay, but that can become like, I got addicted in my life to self-pity and
00:47:40.000 I didn't realize it.
00:47:42.300 Uh, so anyway, I hope you don't think I'm trying to preach at you.
00:47:45.500 Um, and maybe I was a little bit.
00:47:46.960 I'm sorry.
00:47:47.580 I'm a little animated.
00:47:48.840 Um, and I just, uh, yeah, we're trying our best though.
00:47:53.840 And so are you.
00:47:54.600 And so that's okay.
00:47:55.820 And happy holidays to you.
00:47:57.520 And, um, and y'all be thinking of you and I'll say a nice little prayer for you.
00:48:03.720 And, and, uh, and, uh, happy Thanksgiving, Anna.
00:48:11.420 And I hope you've created a moment where you find some other friends, you know, or find
00:48:15.000 some other family can, you know, you don't have to do it all, but make sure.
00:48:18.980 Yeah.
00:48:19.120 Try to have some sense of connection out there.
00:48:20.900 Even if you're just holding a puppy or you doing something, looking at animals online,
00:48:24.880 you know, just don't isolate too much.
00:48:28.140 If you can help it rinse, takes your laundry and hand delivers it to your door, expertly
00:48:34.480 cleaned and folded.
00:48:35.580 So you could take the time once spent folding and sorting and waiting to finally pursue a
00:48:40.060 whole new version of you like tea time.
00:48:42.420 You or this tea time.
00:48:45.580 You or even this tea time.
00:48:48.960 You said you hear about Dave or even tea time, tea time, tea time.
00:48:52.740 You so update on Dave.
00:48:56.400 It's up to you.
00:48:57.400 We'll take the laundry.
00:48:59.160 Rinse.
00:49:00.160 It's time to be great.
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00:50:01.020 I have one of those.
00:50:01.740 I like it.
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00:50:24.680 All righty.
00:50:25.540 Let's hit another call here.
00:50:27.680 What's up, Theo?
00:50:28.440 This is Cage from down here in Allenboro, North Carolina.
00:50:32.240 What's up, Cage over there from North Carolina.
00:50:36.980 Thank you for calling, brother.
00:50:38.020 Happy holidays.
00:50:38.680 Onward.
00:50:39.700 And me and my old lady, we got a little boy and we was trying to have another baby.
00:50:43.860 And we, you know, we pregnant and we went to the doctor.
00:50:47.960 We're having two of them little fuckers.
00:50:49.400 We're having twins and it's two little girls.
00:50:51.840 We got a boy now.
00:50:52.860 It's just, I'm just asking what kind of advice you think you can give me.
00:50:56.360 I don't know.
00:50:57.420 We ain't got no girls or nothing.
00:50:58.920 There's going to be two babies at once.
00:51:00.180 So, what's your thoughts and what's some advice you can give me?
00:51:03.920 Thank you, man.
00:51:05.400 Amen, brother.
00:51:06.200 Thank you, brother.
00:51:06.880 And thank you for calling in, man.
00:51:10.260 Congratulations, I would say right there.
00:51:13.220 That's what I would say.
00:51:14.080 Riley, Mal, what would you say to this fella?
00:51:17.120 I would say congratulations.
00:51:19.560 And what advice would you have for him or what fears do you have here with even one coming in?
00:51:23.980 Because y'all are running one.
00:51:25.760 And this fella's, he's got that side-by-side going.
00:51:30.920 Um, I mean, it's, you know, just get ready.
00:51:39.680 And there you go right there.
00:51:42.000 I'll tell you right this there, Cage.
00:51:43.820 I don't, and you, you know, people know this and blessings to you and your family, but I don't believe in twins, right?
00:51:49.780 I've never had believed in twins.
00:51:51.900 I don't kind of believe in some of that, that wizardry, you know, that, you know, I don't believe in some of the trickery and wizardry of, uh, of the darker realms.
00:52:02.280 Um, but you guys are having twins and you guys are going to be owner, owner operators of twins.
00:52:09.780 And so I support that, you know, I support you.
00:52:15.320 Um, and I want your children to be happy, of course, you know, um, you know, but I've, yeah, I've seen a lot of stuff happening there that can get out there that can get pretty wild.
00:52:25.640 Where twins will keep secrets, um, there was that twin, they've had that twin baby, there's a video of it that can whistle.
00:52:34.720 You know, bitch is four months old, bitch is whistling, dogs are showing up outside.
00:52:39.140 So that seems extracurricular spiritually to me, but, um, but I think one thing is, man, you just got to just be there and love them.
00:52:53.260 You got to be there and love them.
00:52:56.060 And it sounds like you guys are already ready to do that.
00:52:59.800 You know, you sounded excited.
00:53:01.340 I could hear the excitement in your voice.
00:53:04.920 Yeah, it's tough, you know.
00:53:06.300 But now if you could, like, you might have to ration food.
00:53:11.740 I don't know what it gets like.
00:53:15.520 You know, I don't know how crazy the world gets where if they'll even, if their government will take a twin.
00:53:20.180 I don't know what realm we're headed into.
00:53:24.760 But I just think you got, man, you got a lot of, you got a lot of work ahead, brother.
00:53:31.760 But it sounds like your heart is ready for it, man.
00:53:34.780 And, and, uh, congratulations and blessings to you guys over there.
00:53:38.780 And praise God.
00:53:40.600 And, um, yeah.
00:53:45.400 You know, I can't even imagine what that's like.
00:53:48.980 You know, I just can't even imagine.
00:53:50.440 My stepdad used to own us one of those, uh, five bay outdoor car washes and yacht.
00:53:55.760 Because he had a three bay, right?
00:53:59.240 He ran a three bay over there for a while.
00:54:01.300 It was coin operated off of, uh, 190 over there in Covington.
00:54:07.120 Right near, uh, right up river from, uh, Boga Fly Park.
00:54:12.000 And he ran that coin up over there.
00:54:14.880 And, and he got that five bay and God, it shook him.
00:54:20.000 It shook him.
00:54:21.360 So it was a lot.
00:54:22.680 So, yeah.
00:54:25.560 And I'm not trying to, you know, maybe I, yeah, I shouldn't be comparing owning corn operated car washes to an amount of children you can have.
00:54:32.540 But, you know, some people do that shit, man.
00:54:37.120 You know, um, I mean, yeah, I, I mean, I had a neighbor like that.
00:54:40.900 She'd compare things that shouldn't even be, you know, it'd be like, um, I'd say, you know, there's been a lot of fentanyl overdoses and just heartbreaking for Americans.
00:54:51.120 And she just always, but what, you know, well, we, you know, we, we got very sick from the, uh, that new Chinese food place.
00:55:00.160 Yeah.
00:55:02.540 I'm like, all right, bitch.
00:55:04.360 All right.
00:55:05.480 That ain't the same.
00:55:07.400 Uh, let me see.
00:55:09.300 Let's finish up this holiday episode here.
00:55:11.600 Thanksgiving.
00:55:13.200 And man, this is kind of some of the most fun is some of this.
00:55:16.640 And I want to lean into this more.
00:55:18.280 I think I didn't know, you know, you're just trying with podcasts.
00:55:21.260 You're just trying to, um, figure out what do you want?
00:55:28.100 And what do, uh, and then you start thinking, well, what does your audience want?
00:55:32.940 But then even when I was, um, uh, on my buddy's podcast the other day, he said, well, it's like, yeah, who do you want to listen to?
00:55:39.560 What do you want to learn about?
00:55:40.720 And what do you want to talk about?
00:55:43.180 And what excites you?
00:55:45.560 Um, you know, and, uh, and that was good.
00:55:49.940 That was good to hear and be reminded of.
00:55:52.460 And, um, yeah, I think sometimes I struggle when I'm losing, when I'm lacking confidence about myself.
00:55:58.060 I'll, I don't know what my plan is.
00:56:00.280 And so I'll like, look at other people's plans and see, you know, well, maybe I'll just try and, uh, do that, do what's worked for somebody else type of thing.
00:56:12.260 And there's nothing wrong with that, but, uh, yeah, I like it better when I feel grounded and I'm more locked in on my own plan.
00:56:20.620 Um, and so I think that's something I hope over this holiday season to just connect with God more and get a stronger sense of myself and my own plan.
00:56:29.600 Um, but yeah, I'm just thankful, uh, that we can be alive to think about these things and hear about them together.
00:56:37.760 Um, and to watch some guy bravely bring twins into the world, dark arts brother.
00:56:49.320 Um, what do we got here?
00:56:51.980 Hey Theo.
00:56:53.000 Um, my name is Danielle.
00:56:54.740 Hey Danielle.
00:56:55.840 Thanks for calling onward.
00:56:58.440 Um, I'm calling from Southern California.
00:57:01.800 I had a question for you.
00:57:04.260 Um, I've heard you say before that, um, you are trying to meet God halfway.
00:57:11.140 Um, and you know, in my life lately, I've been struggling with some stuff and I'm, I'm seeing God or, or at least like the universe or some sort of higher power, um, working to help me kind of mysterious ways.
00:57:25.080 Um, but anyway, so my question for you is, well, I guess I want to learn how to meet that higher power halfway.
00:57:34.260 So what does that look like to you when, um, when you say that you're trying to meet God halfway?
00:57:40.780 All right.
00:57:41.300 Thank you so much.
00:57:42.120 Thanks for all that you do.
00:57:44.280 Oh, thank you so much for the call there.
00:57:46.740 Um, yeah, I guess when I, what I mean about that is like, um, yeah, it's just, it's a relationship, you know?
00:57:55.620 So if I have, uh, if I'm, you know, in prayer, in consultation with a higher power, right?
00:58:07.180 It can be God, it can be the universe.
00:58:08.680 It can be what you need for you, right?
00:58:12.020 Um, if I'm praying regularly, if I'm thinking about others regularly, if I'm checking in on people to see how they're doing, if I'm getting outside of myself, um, those are things I feel like God wants me to do.
00:58:28.080 You know, and if I do those things, it keeps my relationship with my higher power, with the universe, with God, however you choose to describe it.
00:58:36.260 It keeps that warm.
00:58:37.540 Um, you know, it's a comfortable, it's not a far walk.
00:58:42.220 You know, if I've, if I've, if I've talked to God in prayer and, uh, thought or in consultation in the past day or two or today, a couple of times, then, then if I need some help and say, God, I don't know what to do right now.
00:58:55.180 Can you help guide me?
00:58:58.580 You know, can you give me some intuition?
00:59:00.800 Can you, um, do you have any, uh, do you have any direction for me?
00:59:07.780 Those sorts of things.
00:59:08.620 Then that, the relationship's already warm because I've been, uh, praying and, and, and, um, kind of talking with God through prayers and just through moments of silence and peace, meditation, those sorts of things.
00:59:22.700 So if I have that going and if the relationship's already warm, then if I need God for something immediately, or I need to, I need some influence from the universe, I need some help.
00:59:29.980 I need some guidance, some suggestion.
00:59:31.860 Then it's right.
00:59:32.760 Then the walkway is already warm, you know, cause there's already a lot of footprints on it.
00:59:37.680 It's more of a thoroughfare than if I've, I'm just running in last minute.
00:59:41.200 I'm like, where's God?
00:59:41.920 Where's it?
00:59:42.360 You know, you know, I need something.
00:59:45.060 I need to, you know, so yeah, I think that's all I was saying.
00:59:51.100 Cause I think God's right there.
00:59:52.520 It's just like, how much do we want to connect?
00:59:54.640 And I think we've gotten away from that as a society maybe, and maybe that, that might just be me saying that.
00:59:59.800 So I think I've gotten it away from it.
01:00:01.580 Some of my life.
01:00:02.700 Um, we got a call right here that came in.
01:00:04.740 Let's get one more here.
01:00:07.280 Hi, Theo.
01:00:08.280 I was just calling to tell you how much I've appreciated all of your podcasts.
01:00:13.560 I've been to two of your comedy shows and I just am happy to hear that you're getting a break for yourself and that you're done touring.
01:00:21.720 Because you really give so much of yourself to us and I'm so grateful for that.
01:00:27.500 But I hope you're taking time to practice healthcare because you've been through a lot just from hearing about your stories and hearing even the truths of your comedy show.
01:00:38.140 So I just hope that you're getting some time to just really reflect and appreciate your own work and how much you've made a difference in all of our lives.
01:00:46.900 I listened to you in my first half marathon.
01:00:48.940 I listened to you throughout college, listened to you in med school now, and I just wanted to call and just give you my appreciation because you really made a difference in my life and you've made me see things so much differently.
01:01:02.700 And I just, I love you for that.
01:01:04.460 And yeah, that's all I wanted to say.
01:01:06.460 I don't have a question or anything.
01:01:07.800 I just wanted to tell you how much I appreciate you.
01:01:10.580 And yeah, gang, gang.
01:01:12.160 Oh, thanks for that.
01:01:14.400 That's a, that's a very sweet message.
01:01:15.900 The half marathon really shook me.
01:01:19.200 That's cool.
01:01:20.360 I can't even imagine somebody running by and they're hearing me rattling around in their head.
01:01:25.600 Whew.
01:01:27.120 That's crazy work.
01:01:29.240 Well, thank you for being a doctor.
01:01:32.860 Thank you for working hard to get out there and do something in the world that can help some other people.
01:01:36.820 That's great.
01:01:37.740 I love that in a medical way.
01:01:39.680 I think people find different ways to do it.
01:01:43.340 And some of us can be doctors and you're able to be able to go do that.
01:01:46.340 So that's really exciting.
01:01:49.700 Yeah, I'm trying to, I'm trying to learn how to take time for myself.
01:01:52.940 You know, it's, it's been, uh, like the break from touring has been good.
01:02:00.280 But then the crazy part was you, I break from, I break from touring and then I realized that I'm still busy.
01:02:05.700 You're like, oh my God.
01:02:07.440 Um, but some of that, uh, has like, some of that has been finishing ups, uh, has been finishing up stuff that I needed to get done.
01:02:17.440 Like, um, finishing up movie at this, a little movie edit thing that we made.
01:02:21.560 Um, you know, just different responsibilities, different little things that we're trying to do.
01:02:27.160 The thing with Mike Rowe for, um, buying products from other Americans, that sort of thing, making sure we got that done.
01:02:33.540 Uh, and it's weird because the part of you that's creative doesn't really stop.
01:02:37.820 It's like, it still wants to do stuff, but like your body and your brain are just like, hey man, let's get a little bit of organization here.
01:02:44.980 So, um, yeah, I'm, I'm certainly more focused on it and, uh, I'm grateful that I have the means to be able to take some time off.
01:02:59.060 I also feel like we're in a spot where, you know, you know, you want to have a voice, you know, it feels like right now it's like, you know, uh, I feel like it's more important than ever to try to try and have a voice and to be brave.
01:03:18.460 And, um, sometimes I feel like I'm letting, I'm faltering in some of that space.
01:03:23.940 Um, and like, is it my responsibility, you know, to try and talk about things or speak up about things?
01:03:30.920 And, uh, and then is it, is it just my ego that's saying that, um, you know, or like in the timeline of existence, like, yeah, what am I supposed to be doing now?
01:03:42.520 What am I, you know, what means something?
01:03:46.180 Um, yeah, now that I can feed myself, you know, uh, for the rest of my life probably to be, you know, what mean, what means something?
01:03:56.500 You know, what means something?
01:03:59.460 And, um, maybe it just goes back to that last call about, you know, just praying more about it and getting more idea.
01:04:06.460 Um, so, but having some time off has offered me, I got to go to like 10, uh, football games this year, SEC football games.
01:04:17.020 And I'd never gotten to do, I've been touring like in the, like, I mean, probably 16 years, probably.
01:04:22.420 I don't even know forever.
01:04:23.380 Uh, like actually, but if you tour every other weekend in the fall on your weekends off, it's hard to go somewhere.
01:04:29.740 It's just like, you know, it's a lot.
01:04:31.080 So to be able to go to like a lot of football games is like, that's brought me a ton of joy.
01:04:35.520 So I have found a lot of things that have brought me more joy and had more of a social life.
01:04:39.280 So that's been a good time.
01:04:41.020 Um, but I still think of finding more ways to give myself like, uh, just more rest and, um, you know, got back into therapy.
01:04:51.060 So that's good.
01:04:52.540 Uh, just things like that.
01:04:53.800 So I think that's growing.
01:04:55.500 And so I'm grateful for that, but thank you so much for the call.
01:04:57.800 And, um, yeah, I think we might be able to maybe finish this episode up.
01:05:04.100 Riley, anything else you have?
01:05:06.300 Uh, nope.
01:05:10.260 Nothing at all.
01:05:11.220 Huh?
01:05:11.320 What do you wish for your child as he comes into the world?
01:05:13.680 And it's a boy, huh?
01:05:15.200 Yeah.
01:05:15.820 A little Mark or whatever.
01:05:18.100 Right.
01:05:19.820 We're not going to say it's Mark, but it'd be something.
01:05:22.660 Mark Mao.
01:05:23.680 That would be his name, huh?
01:05:26.060 You can think that.
01:05:27.140 If it were Mark, I'm saying.
01:05:28.880 Sure.
01:05:29.560 It'd be Mark Mao.
01:05:31.040 Mark Mao.
01:05:33.520 But then it's always Mark, set, go.
01:05:35.080 People always do that.
01:05:35.760 And people try to race you all the time.
01:05:37.140 Mark, set, go.
01:05:37.840 And you're like, fuck.
01:05:40.380 That would suck.
01:05:41.180 But what do you wish for that baby, that little semen that's fucking growing in your lady right now?
01:05:47.220 What do you wish for that little frickin' yellow bus that you frickin' launched over there and now it's over there doing work, big dog?
01:05:54.940 What do you wish for that little fucking, uh, that little, um, edamame you got growing, baby boy?
01:06:02.500 What you think, Riley?
01:06:04.200 Uh, I just, you know, wish that he's healthy.
01:06:08.060 Mm-hmm.
01:06:09.160 Well, look, man, I'm happy for you, dude.
01:06:10.720 You've come a long way, dude.
01:06:11.920 Did you think that this would happen in your life?
01:06:13.540 What age are you, Riley?
01:06:14.440 I don't even know.
01:06:15.560 I don't know if you're 70 or fucking 15.
01:06:17.580 How old are you?
01:06:18.460 I'm 27.
01:06:19.600 Are you really?
01:06:20.900 Mm-hmm.
01:06:21.380 Oh, my God.
01:06:22.360 I thought you were 16.
01:06:24.640 Nope.
01:06:25.520 That's beautiful, dude.
01:06:26.880 So this is time, huh?
01:06:29.240 Yeah.
01:06:30.420 And what's it been like having a pregnant woman and dealing, and being blessed enough to deal with someone like that?
01:06:36.820 It's, uh, there, there, it's a lot.
01:06:43.200 Okay.
01:06:44.440 Type shit, man.
01:06:46.000 Well, we love you, man, and thank you so much for being on this journey with us over the years.
01:06:49.340 I can't believe that I knew you when you had, I mean, you were, I remember when you didn't even have any fucking hair on your neck, I think.
01:07:00.860 Just a little bag of just yum-yum soup, just full of that energy.
01:07:08.180 When you look back and now, a few years back, and realize you had never ejaculated, do you feel like now that you've been doing it well since then?
01:07:17.160 Yeah.
01:07:17.880 Yeah.
01:07:18.020 Yeah.
01:07:19.340 You ever miss the old days when you were just full?
01:07:23.700 Um, not really.
01:07:27.000 There we go.
01:07:28.940 Busting and growing them.
01:07:30.540 That's where he is now.
01:07:32.520 Yeah, thank you to everybody that supported the auction.
01:07:35.600 Thank you to you guys just for letting me be a part of your lives, and for me, and for you being a part of mine.
01:07:46.000 And thanks for just bearing with me as we've tried to navigate what's most important.
01:07:53.900 Things have changed so much over the years, and things in my life have kind of changed.
01:07:57.260 And so it's been, you know, I didn't ever know what it would be like to have a podcast and to do it and to navigate it and stuff.
01:08:12.800 So it's, you know, it's, it's been interesting.
01:08:15.960 And then at the same time, you realize your own shortcomings as a business developer and all that kind of just like, you know, there's so many things where, like, I've learned on the fly kind of as I've gone along.
01:08:31.640 You know, um, and you guys have had a lot of grace with me in just letting me do that.
01:08:39.420 And, uh, and so thank you.
01:08:42.940 You know, thank you for having enough grace, um, with me as I've just kind of learned, figured things out.
01:08:49.980 Because I think we're all just doing that.
01:08:52.120 We're all just kind of trying our best to figure it out.
01:08:54.740 So, um, all love out there, happy Thanksgiving, shout out everybody, and all love to the Native Americans out there.
01:09:04.960 If I get a time machine and I get to go back, I'm gonna pull up for y'all.
01:09:08.860 I'm gonna pull up for y'all, and we're gonna, and I'm gonna bring weapons so you could have a, let's make it a fair fight.
01:09:15.040 That's what I'm thinking.
01:09:16.660 Um, but God bless, bro.
01:09:19.300 Praise God.
01:09:21.880 And I just wish everybody happy Thanksgiving, man.
01:09:24.040 And if you need me, baby, I'm upstairs.
01:09:28.960 Riley Mal, what do you have to say?
01:09:30.400 You want to say goodbye?
01:09:31.240 What do you feel like, huh?
01:09:32.320 You got that turkey in the oven already.
01:09:34.440 I do.
01:09:36.260 And is that wiener still working good, brother?
01:09:39.480 It is.
01:09:40.420 And are you allowed to have sex on a, uh, with a, uh, uh, uh, um, a woman that is with child or whatever?
01:09:49.100 Yeah.
01:09:49.780 Okay, up until how, when is that cutoff?
01:09:51.620 What's that cutoff date there, brother?
01:09:54.040 Um, as soon as she has the baby.
01:09:57.580 No.
01:09:58.660 Oh, so you can do it up until she has the baby?
01:10:00.960 Mm-hmm.
01:10:01.860 Oh, bro.
01:10:04.780 What a sick dude, bro.
01:10:08.860 Bro, that's crazy, dude.
01:10:10.920 If you run in that kind of game, cut.
01:10:13.040 Anyway, blessings to you, brother.
01:10:16.520 And when will the new baby be here?
01:10:18.800 Uh, December 30th.
01:10:20.780 Oh, Riley.
01:10:25.360 That's awesome, brother.
01:10:27.340 Well, we look forward to seeing a picture of it in the new year, brother.
01:10:31.400 What do you think?
01:10:32.580 Yes, sir.
01:10:33.420 Will you bring us one?
01:10:34.120 Is that okay?
01:10:34.760 I will.
01:10:35.200 All right, in prayers to your wife, do you let her know that we'll be praying for you
01:10:38.080 guys as peace and comfort?
01:10:39.460 Is she excited?
01:10:41.180 Yeah.
01:10:42.760 All right.
01:10:44.820 All right.
01:10:46.100 Um, on behalf of everybody, happy Thanksgiving.
01:10:48.880 Um, you guys be good to yourselves, man.
01:10:51.040 You deserve it.
01:10:52.000 And, uh, yeah.
01:10:54.300 I'm all over the place, but I'm also right here.
01:10:57.720 And so are you.
01:10:58.660 So thank you for your time.
01:10:59.600 Praise God.
01:11:05.200 Thank you.