E297 Bobby's Belated Birthday Party - Bobby Lee 4
Episode Stats
Length
1 hour and 38 minutes
Words per Minute
193.83627
Hate Speech Sentences
119
Summary
In this episode, the brother and sister duo of the are joined by a special guest! We talk about a variety of topics, including: beach life, peeing on the beach, birthday parties, and more.
Transcript
00:00:00.000
And then you hear rumors, Theo was on PCP in Nashville, he ran through a wall, right?
00:00:09.120
I installed PVC pipe in a wall, that's actually what happened.
00:00:12.820
So that's crazy, that's just how it translates.
00:00:30.000
Follow me, and I will find a song, I've been singing just so long.
00:00:50.660
Yeah, I'm happy to have you too, but it's like, I just asked for some earphones, I'm on a podcast, but it's okay.
00:01:07.220
I've been to the beach before in my life, though.
00:01:12.760
Yeah, but that doesn't mean you're a beach guy.
00:01:17.420
Yeah, but I've never seen pictures of you at the beach before.
00:01:20.180
I know, because I don't have a beach body, bro.
00:01:28.820
That's one of my body's shaped like baby whale shit.
00:01:33.160
You know, pull up a picture of an urchin if you don't mind, Nick.
00:01:37.360
Because I don't know what it is, and I don't want to be offensive to you.
00:01:47.080
One time I saw you, I was in the water, in the ocean.
00:02:27.800
I'm used to homemade birthday stuff, but you know.
00:02:31.060
Dude, are you feeling, have you started to feel, I've been starting to feel older, man.
00:02:35.820
Bro, let me tell you something right now, dude.
00:02:49.800
Like, if it, like, if when I pee, I have to concentrate.
00:03:00.740
No, but I feel like if you concentrate hard enough, you can almost.
00:03:09.920
I know, but before you would just go, I'm going to pee, and it was just like a natural
00:03:17.220
But sometimes, like, last night I had to go, I know I have to pee, but it's clogged up.
00:03:26.800
You already, I heard you the first time you said it.
00:03:29.260
Because I had jerked off, you know how I jerked off before that?
00:03:31.900
And it didn't come out, but you still felt it going?
00:03:53.820
Somebody told me black guys cum has music in it.
00:04:15.360
Well, it was a fat black guy, so maybe fat black guys have thicker cum.
00:04:20.780
Even just by looking at them, you know they're not.
00:04:26.020
They're definitely throwing a creme brulee, you know.
00:04:32.780
Anyway, I masturbated last night in the bathtub.
00:04:42.320
So I was masturbating in the bathtub, and you know what sucks about masturbating in the bathtub?
00:05:24.580
I go, I'm going to save it later like that, right?
00:05:26.460
Because I like to like relax, but what the worst thing is, is that then I looked at my
00:05:31.600
And there's still a couple, you know what I mean?
00:05:36.760
Yeah, like people on the roof during Hurricane Katrina.
00:05:38.620
Or they're on the tip of my penis and they're doing this and I'm like-
00:05:48.840
One of those things that you see at a car dealership.
00:05:51.860
And so I was doing this and then I just let it float.
00:05:54.520
And I'm thinking to myself, do they think it's like the ovary?
00:06:09.380
We thought it was going to be a long distance, right?
00:06:22.600
I guess maybe it's just not old age, but it's clogged a little bit.
00:06:31.320
Well, first of all, when I was young, if we ejaculated, my dad made us bury it in the yard.
00:06:41.100
So you would dig a hole and then you would come into a hole?
00:06:44.740
Or if he caught us, if we'd ejaculated onto something or, you know, ejacked onto a cloth
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Maybe my sister had a little thing of cups and cupboards or some little game, you know,
00:07:01.460
If he busted us, he would make us take it out of the yard and bury it in the backyard.
00:07:05.580
What if you buried it and all of a sudden a little Theo-
00:07:08.760
Six months later, just a little Theo just came out of the ground.
00:07:27.720
She let us sleep out in it the first night we got it.
00:07:38.720
And then, uh, so then we got a Volkswagen Rabbit, which is like a really small car.
00:07:55.500
Any of those look good on the top row, I think.
00:08:21.740
And you would go around, you know, and I don't know why, but you would always go past schools.
00:08:25.680
What is it about, I think, there's a lot of secrecy inside of Asian men, older Asian men, where, you know what I'm saying?
00:08:38.740
A lot of white men, and blacks too, I'll say it, and others, slams, everybody else slams, people from the desert, sand Christians, everybody.
00:08:49.620
They are more, they're more outspoken with what's going on.
00:08:53.860
I feel like a lot of Asian people keep things very close to the vest.
00:08:58.820
Like, you'll see a guy with a van, but no particular reason, you never know, and then years later, you know, on his deathbed, he tells you he was, you know, he's been running a baseball card shop across town.
00:09:12.240
We're doing, well, you guys don't do a lot of, like, you guys do more sex offender indoor.
00:09:17.860
You don't do, like, kidnapping, that kind of stuff.
00:09:25.360
Because the Asian man's not going to be able to catch a white kid, or a black kid, no fucking way.
00:09:35.920
The reason why you don't even know is because we do it so quick.
00:09:56.040
Yeah, so we're quick as fuck, and that's where you don't see it, yeah.
00:09:59.560
But I don't, I've never really, I've never seen in the news, especially in America, right?
00:10:13.820
Or sometimes white people go hog wild in a mall.
00:10:20.260
You never see Asian dudes do it, older dudes doing that.
00:10:22.640
You guys keep your crime, I feel like, very close to the vest, and then at the last second
00:10:26.840
on a death, in a deathbed whisper, you tell it, you know?
00:10:34.020
Bobby, I killed 9,342 people in my life, or something like that.
00:10:45.060
Well, you guys come from a long history of keeping secrets and tradition, honor.
00:10:59.400
Asian kill themselves if they have secret, you know?
00:11:08.040
An alternative spelling is a ritual suicide in traditional Japan, if someone kills themselves.
00:11:14.320
I know, but, Theo, white people kill themselves, too.
00:11:31.200
You guys have more, it's more of like, I'm going to go over here and take my life quietly.
00:11:42.940
I think because I'm Asians, especially my parents and my family, you know, we want to assimilate.
00:11:50.700
And we want to just, you know, don't be bothered.
00:11:53.780
We're lucky to be here is the mentality, I think.
00:11:58.540
We're going to just make our money and we don't want to cause any trouble, you know?
00:12:12.900
Like I kind of was influenced kind of by the Asians that immigrated here.
00:12:18.920
So it's like, I don't really, I still have that old school, you know what I mean?
00:12:23.720
Mentality where I don't want to, like last night I ran into, this fucking happened, man.
00:12:47.940
So I was at, so last night I look at my girl and I go,
00:12:52.240
because I'm down to one pack of cigarettes a week.
00:12:57.560
So I smoke one pack a week and I had run out of the week, the pack.
00:13:02.060
So I'm like, I think I need, and I started smoking like the butts.
00:13:08.580
So I go, you know, sweetie, I'm going to go to the 7-Eleven.
00:13:11.140
She goes, I take Juliana with you, which is my niece or her niece.
00:13:20.720
And I go, and I go, and I wait in the line, 6 feet, whatever.
00:13:25.780
And there's a full-blown fight in the counter with this white dude, you know.
00:13:35.440
I'm sorry to bring that up, but it's a pet peeve of mine.
00:13:37.500
When people do that, people are like, oh, man, you know.
00:13:46.480
Yeah, and he was like, the guy was, eh, meester, meester.
00:13:51.500
I don't know why, but immigrants love to say that.
00:14:02.400
You know, he's like doing that in the store, right?
00:14:11.800
So he bought a mask, and he kind of put it on his face.
00:14:20.820
He's like, now give him my beer, because he was buying beer.
00:14:37.660
And now, what do you feel like he was waiting for?
00:14:39.540
Because he was already angry at what the guy who worked there?
00:14:49.640
Well, because I think that, you know what's fucked up when you say they do that, though?
00:15:07.480
So then, anyway, he waits by the door, and I order my shit, the cigarette, I put it in
00:15:12.600
my pocket, and I'm going to the door, and the dude opens the door for me, and now his
00:15:23.740
Now, you feel like he was welcoming, or he was like-
00:15:44.120
Now, I look at Juliana in the car, and she has her mask up, but I can see her eyes.
00:16:30.840
That's the worst time to fight at the CBS, dude.
00:16:35.580
So then I go outside, and I run the car open, and then he comes to the car.
00:16:40.640
So I remember Juliana trying to figure out how to lock the door.
00:16:53.220
And he kind of looks at my driver's license to see, like, what my driver-
00:17:15.340
So then I got in a car and drove away, but my adrenaline was rushing, you know?
00:17:25.900
Yeah, why did I even have to say that, you know what I mean?
00:17:29.740
But then it's like, you know, then you think to yourself, right?
00:17:37.380
And then you go back to that movie, The Social Dilemma.
00:17:59.140
I think you're thinking about The Social Network.
00:18:05.400
No, I'm trying to think of the movie that I'm thinking of.
00:18:13.980
And it's all, you know how the other day, all the celebrities, like, we're not going to
00:18:18.280
be on Instagram and Twitter until, you know what I mean, Facebook changes their, you know.
00:18:23.500
But basically, it's how social media, right, has done some good for our country and our world.
00:18:33.360
And it's like, people have connected that have never, that haven't talked to each other in years.
00:18:39.720
It's like, dude, if you go outside with a decent organ, bro, somebody will find you,
00:18:44.880
But mostly, it's caused polarization in this country and a lot of-
00:18:55.500
It's like, it has a lot to do with, you know, social media.
00:18:59.620
But, um, so you watch that and you go, holy shit, I'm never going to be on Twitter, but
00:19:06.320
Well, yeah, because all these guys, celebrities are like, we, they saw the documentary and
00:19:09.740
they're like, we're no longer going to be on Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, or we're going
00:19:16.460
They're, they just, they say whatever the next thing they got to do, whatever.
00:19:20.120
It's always the next, what do I have to do today to feel like, it's not even, there's
00:19:27.480
Yeah, you know, I have a problem with people when they go, um, because sometimes they'll
00:19:31.160
read a comment and go, Bobby's Hollywood or he's a celebrity.
00:19:33.880
Do you, do you, when people call you a celebrity, I'd be real, you don't feel like one, right?
00:19:45.920
Yeah, I feel like, like, I maybe want to become one, you know what I mean?
00:19:58.860
Yeah, I kind of want to be Bruce Lee or something, some, some, some, like, guy like that.
00:20:09.480
Here's a guy right here, a little white kid that'll fight you, dude.
00:20:18.420
What are the chances that you join him whenever you're allowed out the house again?
00:20:22.940
And how long do you think it's going to be until you do comedy?
00:20:30.500
I didn't understand what he was saying, though.
00:20:34.940
that's what i fucking heard dude that's charles dickens bro okay i don't even know who that is
00:20:50.720
is that the guy i think i've heard of him great grandson that's chuck dick the third
00:20:55.560
understand what the fuck he just said he tell me what he said nick can translate uh theo started
00:21:01.080
doing a jiu-jitsu and he's wondering that's hilarious and he's that's hilarious i'm a female
00:21:06.600
straw weight right now it's just funny that you do jiu-jitsu dude i am not that good at it yeah i
00:21:14.240
can tell and i'm not don't do it stop it's ridiculous bro why because you know because
00:21:18.520
because you're in cahoots with fucking shab and eddie fucking the twister fucking that guy's insane
00:21:24.600
what's his name eddie uh boham rice uh mitchell yeah mitchell eddie mitchell with the twister oh
00:21:31.700
bryce mitchell's a killer dude he'll look at you that you're you have a gi and everything bro
00:21:36.200
dude you look ridiculous that is stinking up my car right i know dude bro stop doing it dude it's a
00:21:43.160
fad i had to stop for a week because some of my ribs got really severely bruised so i've been
00:21:49.820
fighting two women and i'm almost gonna i'm almost beating one of them what have what have you learned
00:21:53.680
to do because i i wrestled in high school yeah do you know how long your high school was dude it
00:21:58.600
was different when you were in high school they didn't even have like i mean they didn't have a
00:22:03.040
lot the laws were different i know but i still know how to do like a double leg a single leg and a
00:22:08.640
fireman's oh dude fireman's is out now it is yeah it's fire persons now okay they changed it they did
00:22:16.140
uh what can i do now i'll tell you this like say if somebody comes running at me and they're gonna hit
00:22:20.840
me or attack me it used to be i would be scared and just run off now i will let them hit me
00:22:25.220
ah because you want to be able to grab them it's just like now it's like okay i know i'm gonna i
00:22:30.580
know this is there's gonna be some confrontation here i'm ready for it that's that's literally only
00:22:35.040
that's as far as i've gotten like okay i'm okay right here is before i'd be in complete fear i would
00:22:39.920
lay on my back and kick at them my question to you theo is when have you ever been attacked
00:22:43.720
you could easily get attacked now have you seen but you've never been attacked have you seen blm
00:22:47.800
people attacking people rather than having appetizers attacking senior citizens trying
00:22:52.680
to finish a shrimp scampi outside of baltimore you seen this no man i don't want to upset me huh
00:23:00.460
it's gonna upset me no it's not it's just like angry white people with bullhorns dude blm's got
00:23:07.900
those rallies have gotten so bad black people aren't even showing up at him anymore
00:23:11.200
they are black people are like this shit is lame as fuck dude i i yeah i just i first of all my
00:23:19.440
girlfriend went to one of those no no the the protests are i i totally get that that's a
00:23:25.520
different thing oh i don't know people attacking senior citizens trying to polish off a fucking
00:23:29.380
thing of grilled brussel sprouts outside of a fucking dave and busters nicks well there's got to
00:23:34.460
be a reason why they did that though i know it's just there's things where they're chanting and going
00:23:38.320
down the street and then they get angry at people that are eating outdoors ah um yeah it's it's getting
00:23:43.440
you know it's like on both sides it's getting out of hand oh dude all those people that are fighting
00:23:48.300
in the park and throwing like water balloons at each other and stuff all of this stuff is not
00:23:53.480
yeah this this is this isn't about anything it feels like to me see this is where they're just
00:23:57.420
yelling at people that are trying to finish their salad all right
00:23:59.940
yeah it's you're you know you first of all you don't even know their backstory yeah you mean it's
00:24:07.200
like you know what i mean with one of the white dude could have just got out of fucking the
00:24:10.240
hospital from cancer right they may have black children in her right right and then the woman
00:24:14.660
right is has a week to live because she has some sort of weird like skin disease yeah right and
00:24:19.260
they're like let's have one meal together all right it's corona baby we don't no let's go to
00:24:24.580
fucking luigianos like let's risk it it's i have two t-cells left and then all of a sudden
00:24:28.760
you know what i mean i'm gonna risk them they just ruined their fucking last days on earth
00:24:32.760
i got two t-cells left i want to risk them for this calamari outdoors yeah the shared plate yeah
00:24:38.260
people have to learn how to like realize that like not every first of all you know there's not
00:24:43.520
two sides agreed okay that it's so complex right it's crazy what you believe you know i mean people's
00:24:53.000
personal lives it's so intricately complex that there's no way to put people in categories
00:24:59.200
and boxes right so it's like you can't just make assumptions about things right and that's
00:25:04.660
where we are in life and i do the same thing like when i see like you know like hardcore right wing
00:25:10.360
you know trump supporters right say some fucking crazy things immediately my reaction is to attack
00:25:15.920
them but then it's like i have to look back and go and i'll go on their like twitter and then they
00:25:21.240
they have dogs yeah right and anyone that i love anyone that loves a dog right to me is like
00:25:27.840
you know has some empathy and and love in their heart you know it's just like you just don't know
00:25:33.620
it's like that's what we are in the world so it's like well it goes back to social media i think a lot
00:25:37.920
of that stuff is just fueling people to be you know keyed up you know when i was young you had to get
00:25:42.960
coked up to go do some trouble yeah yeah people are doing a couple you know a couple hot tweets and
00:25:48.640
you're out there fucking throwing an axe at somebody outside of a fucking abandoned applebee's
00:25:52.920
like yeah yeah yeah and then it's like people fighting for like these politics like
00:25:58.060
i just i don't know i never understood going that crazy for pop for politics just go vote
00:26:04.500
yeah yeah and that's all you have to do yeah yeah yeah and also it's like go vote and it's like you
00:26:10.620
know you have to we have to understand that like you know it's like that you have no real the only
00:26:17.320
things you can control the things that you can do yeah right outcomes you can't control
00:26:22.740
right it's out of your hands and we worry about these outcomes that we're powerless over right
00:26:28.580
and you're like we have some of influence over yeah i mean we do have some i mean we have the
00:26:33.260
right to vote and that's gonna help right and then you can like if you have a little bit of money you
00:26:38.520
can like donate money to somebody's campaign or whatever you might do or you could also do service
00:26:43.120
work and be you know head you know pick me's deserve to live or whatever you know it has some sort of
00:26:49.780
like you know yeah i don't know if that's a thing but that you know but no something do yeah do
00:26:54.780
something give these boys something water for the blind they yeah yeah but you you that's all you
00:26:59.460
can do you know i mean all this other shit you know i mean wasting your time yeah yeah yeah that's
00:27:04.160
why i've just been watching kingdom man you know just the other day i switched my cable uh turned it
00:27:11.940
off turned off my cable so now you know sometimes i'll go in the living room and it's kind of guess
00:27:17.180
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00:27:23.560
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00:28:00.340
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policy genius.com kingdom kingdom i don't watch it oh bro this guy's got a question about something i
00:28:47.240
think you guys have both been watching could i talk about kingdom first yes yeah okay let's listen to
00:28:52.700
this guy okay play the guy big tiger valley fan here um i'm crossing the tracks huh you've seen the
00:29:02.760
new reboot karate kid reboot what you think of it and if you would make a guest appearance
00:29:15.440
thank you for your question brother i appreciate that man i appreciate you being obviously this guy
00:29:21.680
i'm going to go out on a limb and say this guy is filipino or athletic and relaxed dominican
00:29:30.540
and he wants to know if you'd be mr miyagi and the wildest thing is bobby i thought about that a minute ago
00:29:38.500
i said i wonder if bobby's been approached about being uh going yagi going full yagi
00:29:51.740
people do this all the time they go god he looks like him doesn't he sorry go on
00:29:57.560
first of all people do this all the time when they go
00:30:03.200
um they say stuff like why why weren't you in that you should you why didn't you do that yeah
00:30:10.920
right and you go like some movie comes out like crazy rich asians people go hey why didn't you do
00:30:18.040
that they didn't ask me right yeah i want to be in it yeah people like get mad at me yeah
00:30:28.060
why didn't you do that you should have done that and go i did want to do it yeah they don't want me in
00:30:33.120
it yeah you know or like people go like that you should be karate kid miyagi yeah first of all
00:30:42.380
he was like 70 years old when he did it he was 51 was he really yeah i could do it
00:30:51.160
i'll do it i'll do it you would be too goofy man why no ah you guys very much look very similar
00:30:59.060
and r.i.p him he died yeah he died from um smoking huh well i i heard different stories that he was an
00:31:08.000
alcoholic yeah yeah i you know i i have a and that's back when it was heavy but there's a funny
00:31:14.400
story about him um he used to go to hawaii all the time right because he was friends with you know
00:31:19.740
who don ho is yep the musician yeah pat morita so he used to go to don ho shows all the time
00:31:26.020
but he used to go there to do one joke right and so don ho with if don ho knew a pat morita was in
00:31:35.260
the audience don ho would stop in the middle of the show and goes ladies and gentlemen tiny bubbles to
00:31:40.620
you you know what i mean and people go yay right and he goes my friend is here in the audience you know
00:31:45.320
he's a good friend of mine he's a celebrity he's one of my best friends in the world uh pat morita
00:31:50.400
please they should have they shot a shot a light on him pat morita and and don ho would go stand up
00:31:57.920
pat morita and pat morita's joke would be i am standing and everyone would laugh and he would
00:32:06.000
and then you just get plastered get blown by hawaiian women oh god you gotta love that yeah
00:32:12.740
see that's awesome man that's the good old days man you when you would drive you drive four hours
00:32:17.060
to be part of something you know yeah see i would have loved dude back in the day if like you and i
00:32:21.780
came up from the 70s or 80s dude right and i knew you were doing a show right yeah i would have loved
00:32:27.300
to just go with you because what else is there to do yeah you know i mean go to the movies yeah the
00:32:32.320
movies you're gonna be stuck in there yeah so i would just drive and i think people like hung out
00:32:37.340
more back then yeah right when things everything wasn't recorded so it didn't so like everything
00:32:42.440
like something there was a value to the moment like now there's not as much value to the moment
00:32:47.520
yeah it's great and i don't know if this is good or bad but it's crazy to think that like
00:32:51.560
some of the people that have been canceled too wouldn't be canceled you know i mean oh totally well
00:32:56.720
it's i i i i don't know if that's in my head you know no it's okay to talk about yeah yeah
00:33:01.900
i mean say if you know you take you know half of our friends or anybody from our time who grew up
00:33:10.120
on that movie almost famous right that movie is about 16 year old girls i think banging men
00:33:16.440
yeah in a band and kind of chant like the movie it doesn't champion it but it definitely like
00:33:24.140
kind of carries on like this is okay well i mean obviously the rolling stones and these 70s bands
00:33:30.680
when they want to go on the road yeah dude they would like like they're half of our parents
00:33:36.140
because i know i was watching that um movie um once at a time in hollywood and one of the manson
00:33:41.800
girls was like 16 17 years old i mean it's not that i'm not saying it's right or wrong i'm just
00:33:46.140
saying that back in the day you know like you know they used to just rock bands used to just do that
00:33:51.700
they didn't ask for their id they just you know i mean she's hot she has hair on her jam g and let's
00:33:58.180
do it you know i mean yeah and it's like i'm not saying it's right it's probably wrong it's wrong
00:34:02.980
well it's wrong but they you did it though it's all there's look there's nuances to everything
00:34:08.600
i remember they had a handicapped guy in our neighborhood who's mentally handicapped and he
00:34:12.280
used to kind of kiss everybody a little and nobody knew how old he was oh really yeah i um
00:34:18.880
did you do it i don't remember if i did or not i probably i think i hugged him or fucking wrote on
00:34:25.580
his shoulders or something you look like something you'd like to lit thing you'd like like lit things
00:34:29.000
on fire growing up huh uh i mean i would like lights light stuff in the yard or if we got half like
00:34:34.800
you know so then we get a extra half gallon of gas or kerosene or something we put it light the ditch
00:34:39.420
up and run through it um do stuff like that my buddy's car one time we fucking put the tires in
00:34:46.380
kerosene coated him and lit them all and he drove down the street real fast yeah um should we even
00:34:51.600
be talking about this because i feel like it's going to get flagged or something on on youtube
00:34:55.120
oh no he he's he's still alive no i mean talking about this in general about pedophilia dude pedophilia
00:35:03.880
there's a new tv show about pedophilia where they're dancing
00:35:05.960
so if netflix can air it man we can look i'm not saying here's what i say i'm gonna say
00:35:12.520
loud and clear right now i vote no on pedophilia me too 100 i hate it hate it
00:35:18.260
yeah everybody and i don't care if the person is black or white nobody should get molested man
00:35:24.920
what is this surge material yeah cuties it's a show about 13 year old kids like showing their
00:35:32.160
you know booties and everything did they cancel it i don't know just uh a lot of people are canceling
00:35:37.380
their netflix subscriptions to protest oh my god i think people are so crazy yeah but it's also it's
00:35:43.140
it there does you know what with all technology going back to what you're saying there's a spot
00:35:48.120
where you're like okay does this stuff have any of my best interest in it like even if you watch the
00:35:55.600
um i saw this documentary last night for about 20 minutes it's about uh the people it's basically
00:36:03.500
like five jewish guys that made tiktok and facebook like button um it's like programmers or something
00:36:11.860
right yeah and and just about the dilemma that they're all facing in dealing with is this ethical
00:36:18.760
or not yeah dude i just before i was telling you about that documentary so social dilemma that's what
00:36:23.860
you saw oh social dilemma yeah my bad so you fucking saw it i saw 20 minutes of it dude i didn't
00:36:31.740
why didn't you just say that i'm explaining to you what the fuck it is and then you're like and
00:36:38.400
then you were like before yes say it man or have nick bring up a picture what do you think nick's here
00:36:42.980
for yeah but you didn't know what it was called no i didn't and i did oh my bad did you so you did
00:36:51.100
know oh this i'll tell you this bro oh yeah yeah last time i come to this fucking birthday party
00:36:56.260
yeah well i get attacked bro so let me let me just tell you about kingdom i was fucking bringing
00:37:02.240
it up before right and i just now remembered it okay don't get angry but bro i've been watching a
00:37:10.600
show on netflix it's a korean show it's called kingdom bro and you gotta watch it dude okay it's
00:37:17.240
about fucking korean zombies back in the day no way yeah dude and it's in its second season now okay
00:37:24.060
yeah and dude bro korean zombies they can run far cozos they call them oh cozos yeah cozos dude
00:37:33.860
do you like watching did you like watch game of thrones anything like that yeah i'm on the fourth
00:37:37.920
season right now yeah you're really watching it yeah do you like it it's good yeah i love it but
00:37:42.260
why the fuck did you wait so long to watch that that's crazy i kind of hold out with a lot of stuff
00:37:46.720
i'm on the first season in the office that is finished
00:37:48.700
dude just two years ago i watched uh serpico no uh cocaine what's that thing
00:37:56.280
no no no you feel scarface scarface you just saw scarface oh well i mean it must be exciting for you
00:38:04.280
that's the thing i don't everybody sees it and then everybody's seen it you can never read you can
00:38:08.400
never see it for the first time again fucktard scarface came out in the 70s yeah you wait 30
00:38:14.560
years 40 years and it was good oh wow god it was so now you now you had never seen game of thrones
00:38:20.480
and you you were probably one of those like i refuse to watch it yep it was like a cell phone to me
00:38:24.940
yeah right right i'm a cell phone denier bro yeah yeah so now that you watch it you're going
00:38:30.920
do you like it let's rock baby yeah i'll say this it's good i think a lot of it is not uh
00:38:37.620
it's not historically accurate that's the part that i have yeah and there's also no black people
00:38:44.700
in it you know what i'm saying if you want to up the ante throw a couple sisters in that bitch you
00:38:48.920
feel me yeah they stayed fucking white heavy throughout that thing no there are later i think
00:38:53.920
there are yeah there are well we need to get to it the inceli or whatever i think they're
00:38:59.200
yeah that's true it gets a little dark in the desert yeah in the desert yeah yeah but kingdom is like
00:39:05.040
that so kingdom has that vibe to it but instead of like dragons and shit there's zombies but it's
00:39:11.280
got like you know internal like strife within like you know the hierarchy of the kingdom and the and
00:39:16.620
sabotage and all this stuff but dude it's like you what will you just do me a favor it's on netflix
00:39:22.800
just watch the first in the beginning it's a little boring because it sets things up but the end of the
00:39:27.380
episode there's some cool shit that goes on if you like zombies and stuff but anyone watching this
00:39:32.580
podcast right now i really recommend it i saw the first season it's pretty good i like korean shit
00:39:37.820
you know i mean yeah and there's another korean um zombie movie called hashtag alive that i liked as
00:39:43.860
well what about life of hachi have you seen that bring that up hachi what's the life of hachi no it's
00:39:51.820
just called hachi it's a korean movie about a little animal there you go wait wait yeah that's the okay
00:40:00.100
first of all first of all okay a dog no no no wait wait wait wait wait hold on all right you just said
00:40:09.080
that it was a korean movie about an animal right i look on the fucking poster it's fucking richard
00:40:16.480
gear bro yeah he ain't korean and two other white ladies yeah but still i bet he's banged a lot of
00:40:23.860
korean chicks in his day you feel me i know but you think the dog's korean because his name is hachi
00:40:28.840
yes it is hachiko hachiko it's known in japanese yeah yeah japanese that's not okay chicken hachiko
00:40:34.680
dude but you have to understand man coming from look i know that we are evolving i know that diversity
00:40:42.040
is the new mustard right i get all that but what i'm telling you is
00:40:47.220
i would say seven out of nine people if they meet an asian person think that they are
00:40:57.320
chinese or japanese and the other ones it's just y'all gotta get stronger reps out there i think before
00:41:07.160
you start to take some of that freaking name share yeah well i think but can i just defend that
00:41:13.060
yeah um please do yeah i will because what you just said was cray cray yeah okay we live now in a
00:41:21.860
because of the internet i think people are just more prone to know about that like other sects or
00:41:28.860
denominations of asians right it's like you know what a mong is how do you know it i know the
00:41:37.140
mong because um you saw the movie gran turismo whatever that movie was no i met somebody that
00:41:42.700
was humong it's humong humong yeah i met them too and then i didn't even know what the fuck they were
00:41:48.280
and had to google that shit but i only know you're korean because you reminded me the first 20 times
00:41:52.540
that i thought you weren't korean yeah because you kept saying like chinese and what you just said
00:41:57.040
that hachi it's like the bullshit you just didn't just now you like you know you've seen this korean
00:42:01.540
movie hachi and i look at the dog and it's obviously a japanese dog and so you you were like one of the
00:42:07.120
those white dudes when i first met you right you would go what's up china china my chinese friend
00:42:11.780
yeah out loud right yeah or you go hey boy what's up chop boy hey man get you know let's why don't
00:42:18.440
you i have a rickshaw what's up let me get back there i was like i don't we don't do that come and
00:42:23.560
touch my wet market i'm pop yeah yeah so i had to keep reminding you for like the first five years
00:42:29.720
i know knew you that i was korean but it's like there is you know a very big difference between
00:42:35.540
all of them don't you think yes i do but imagine this imagine you're in uh let's say uh you're in
00:42:44.580
new jersey right and you keep yelling at somebody uh or say you go to new jersey right and you tell
00:42:54.220
somebody there oh you're from new york and they're like no i'm from new jersey and they're like well
00:42:58.260
what but what about me i'm from new york and like that's fine but i just people from new york and
00:43:04.500
new jersey they speak the same language yeah but it's still they speak the fucking same language dude
00:43:09.700
what are you fucking talking about it's like saying this uh you know what's a better
00:43:13.280
it's like it's like saying um um someone from um denmark and someone from belgium
00:43:19.940
maybe that's a better thing okay if you look at someone from denmark and belgium
00:43:23.860
i probably wouldn't be able to say that you know the difference yeah right because they're similar
00:43:27.980
white people right but they have different languages and different culture like one makes
00:43:33.040
chocolate the other one like likes you know i mean free marijuana or whatever you know i mean so my
00:43:37.020
point is is that you're right that's it but for someone from new jersey and for someone from new
00:43:41.300
york isn't a good fucking analogy okay god my bad man they speak the same language but i'm just saying
00:43:47.860
imagine being like so upset at a mall because one guy's from tennessee and one guy's from north
00:43:53.080
carolina i know but i i think what you don't realize is that when you get that shit every day
00:43:58.820
though you mean every day you wake up i call me the n-word the other day i i don't but i know but
00:44:06.020
as since i was a kid every single day you either have to go someone will come up to you go what are
00:44:12.620
you you go i'm a human being no i mean like you know i mean that right yeah or the next day like
00:44:18.840
hey chinese man chinese man yeah you know i mean make me a fucking hello kitty doll yeah yeah make
00:44:24.920
me a railroad make that right make me a railroad or whatever and then the next day you know
00:44:29.360
something else happens you know i mean someone will just go yeah right and then it's like
00:44:33.740
every day you get that right how'd you get into town the river you know right right right right or
00:44:40.000
then you see and then you know with the worst videos is when i see you know on youtube i saw this
00:44:45.260
one that this guy was interviewing um these girls in vegas these little girls like you know 20 some
00:44:51.380
and like would you ever date an asian man and they were they were all oh gross no way that's the last
00:44:58.860
fucking person we would we would make out with right and then you're watching that as you know you're
00:45:03.620
watching that you know you click you click on it and you watch it and you go oh man you know i mean
00:45:08.660
it just feels bad bro you know i could see that it's like being poor kind of but it's like
00:45:14.680
i've had girls look at me right and go you know after we had make out or whatever and that's they
00:45:22.860
say stuff like i have to be honest you're like what i just never ever ever ever thought that i ever
00:45:32.980
ever ever hook up with an asian guy wow and then you just kind of go you there's a part of you that
00:45:39.740
when you're asian that's a that's like yeah yeah you know i mean like i broke that whatever that
00:45:44.720
was oh yeah right but then there's a part of me that goes it feels bad you know why bad i was like
00:45:52.580
the conqueror you know you know it feels like you know that i don't like feel like five will go's
00:46:01.200
whap you know yeah but it reminds me of just how difficult it was yeah growing up in this country
00:46:07.260
and just like you know like sadius hawkins i was never asked you know i mean me neither man i never
00:46:13.400
got any girls in high school i had to and i have to say this out loud this is the truth
00:46:19.240
that i had to find some sort of fame or it's confidence i mean to get out in the market
00:46:26.620
yeah and to get the get the women you know yeah like you'd never had a problem i said no i've seen
00:46:33.960
photos of you as a young man dude oh my girl you were cute as fuck bro but i but dude i had severe
00:46:41.340
mental health issues i had dyslexia i had something they called inner dyslexia which came in
00:46:46.380
you know kind of came through our area um i had they had a fucking i lived with a buddy who had a
00:46:55.520
fucking uh gas leak in his house for two years really yeah dude you know hard to finish a test
00:47:02.900
when you're asleep yeah okay yeah like dude and people would call us people would call like i used
00:47:09.140
to hang out with the black kids people would call me dark heart in heart they would call me the n-word
00:47:13.860
and then say heart after it yeah um they would people would call me uh because my eyes are kind
00:47:20.520
of slanted in you know all right you have like a you do have look caveman like yep like from the
00:47:26.300
nose up very caveman like there i am right there balling out with a couple of guys where are you
00:47:30.880
bottom left that's you bro yeah it's me player oh shit they used to call me sugar arms dog
00:47:39.700
right dude i used to drive i used to ride my bike to school about five miles i'd drive through this
00:47:46.240
town and number 19 would get would get on my bike right and make me drive him he was seven foot seven
00:47:52.600
i gotta look at that photo i don't think that's you oh that's me player that is you yeah look at
00:47:59.240
those beautiful fucking soft hands dude oh shit and look at the way my arms bear just kind of rest on
00:48:04.920
my leg yeah so you grew up with like a lot of diversity and stuff i mean i grew up with at
00:48:09.440
least these six guys yeah that's a lot bro these guys were men these guys were grown man i grew up
00:48:17.180
with number 14 ran an auto body shop dude how old is that guy that guy looks 42 there oh that's don
00:48:24.560
galatas bro do you know him you know him bro i knew him for years and he never said one word to me he's
00:48:29.840
probably 31 years old yeah yeah and then he started family matters yeah yeah yeah yeah he
00:48:36.120
always dressed up like uncle carl dude like carl winslow you probably didn't know the guy in back
00:48:40.060
of you the white dude that looked that guy looks crazy oh i know that guy but he couldn't see very
00:48:43.600
well he had to wear those really thick shades you know yeah i've never seen eye rolls like that
00:48:47.500
before in my life oh that guy definitely he would do it all man yeah did you really know him or no
00:48:51.740
yeah matthew shin a very beautiful fellow you're a skinny dude he's a man of christ yeah man i can't be
00:48:57.740
you i don't think that's you bro dog i don't think that's not you bro i don't think it is either
00:49:03.620
but anyway number 19 bro would get onto my bicycle right yeah yeah and when he would see me coming he
00:49:08.680
would say here comes the he would say the n-word bus he would say here comes the n-word bus oh really
00:49:13.640
and as many black kids as they wanted to would get onto my bike and make me bike them to school
00:49:19.080
like the little engine that could wow yeah and i would roll up with like six black guys on my bicycle
00:49:25.540
and all i was trying to do was get to school literally it would be an extra seven probably 800
00:49:30.540
pounds of young man going at going into fifth to sixth grade wow and my legs got jacked bro
00:49:36.800
i could dunk at one point well you could dunk yep at one point do you know you know i've never made a
00:49:43.400
basket i knew that yeah i've never made a basket no i i've never that's the truth i but hold on
00:49:52.620
what kind of basket are we talking about because there's no way our asian audience is believing
00:49:58.320
that you've never made a basket no i've no i've made baskets like for the river and stuff to put
00:50:03.620
fish on you're right but i've never taken a basketball and thrown it i don't know what that
00:50:08.100
feels like to stick that ball into the hole in the hoop yeah i've thrown probably 10 000 in my life
00:50:15.700
i've never made one damn yeah i can't reach it i think i tried to get a ladder once to do it and
00:50:21.560
cheat you know i mean but like yeah yeah but i've never made a basket i've made um yeah i've never
00:50:28.560
done it damn yeah i could see i couldn't see you doing it actually yeah yeah well you have some like
00:50:37.260
jeremy lin that could yeah yaoming obviously could do it you know i mean but i just never did it's just
00:50:42.240
not my sport i've never even i can barely i've only bounced it twice yeah like i can go one two and
00:50:47.940
then i'll just lose traction right it'll just it'll pop up in the sky yeah it's not i mean i feel like
00:50:53.520
it's uh it's more of a learned environment now here's a guy right here got banned for life from
00:50:59.700
chinese basketball association he put out uh here there he put out on his ig story uh chinese women
00:51:08.700
got cakes on the low might switch up my stance soon lol yolo i guess and here he is uh bending some
00:51:18.120
woman over some uh some professional lady whoa whoa whoa so he would he's in china plays basketball
00:51:26.600
there right can't make the nba anymore what used to be in the nba but now he's older so he's playing in
00:51:31.880
china so he's now he's playing in china and now he's getting some you know chinese boom tang and
00:51:38.260
he's bragging about it and he got banned from it yeah i guess what now what did they think that he
00:51:42.200
was being disrespectful to chinese women see that's what i'm talking about you disrespectful to women
00:51:48.160
pot out son yeah imagine if they did that in america oh everyone would be banned right i mean
00:51:55.940
every video is like that right it's it's what's fucked about that is is that like dude hey chinese
00:52:01.980
government whoever fucking did that right it's a cultural thing dude it's not like he's like
00:52:06.180
it's either he paid for her right or that's his woman on the slide who knows right yeah but it's
00:52:11.580
like he can fucking do that i'm not saying he can't but in china he can't yeah the chinese are weird
00:52:17.540
china don't play any games they don't play any games dude when i went to shanghai man they
00:52:22.120
they're not playing any games oh yeah you did go to asia yeah i went there and did some shows man
00:52:27.920
i did shop perform for the asians man wait no you did a show for the military bases not asian people
00:52:32.980
no this was a this was people right no be real yeah you did how was a lot of expats but there was
00:52:38.320
also some asians i remember a couple at one of the shows some women came out trying to be wives
00:52:42.460
wanted to be wife yeah oh dude i want to say this so i was on instagram maybe a month ago and this
00:52:49.720
pretty hot chick right kept text like not direct message because i'm not i don't follow her but it's
00:52:56.560
like she was messaging me hey does theo respond to his um messages direct messages and i didn't
00:53:05.760
respond but she's pretty hot i looked at her fucking thing and she keeps asking me like how do i get a
00:53:12.800
hold of theo i really need to get a hold of them with fans look at your eyes what are you doing with
00:53:19.500
your eyes nothing this is how i look oh that's what i'm saying yeah yeah but i'm just saying dude
00:53:24.380
like you know i mean now i can see like you mean very attractive women trying to claw into your shit
00:53:32.120
really well how does she not just look me up and find me then and say hey you know but i but do you
00:53:38.500
get a lot of like those messages are you getting you don't want to talk about this no no no i'm fine
00:53:42.460
talking about it yeah what do i get i get you just not respond to them or no some i respond to some i
00:53:47.480
don't you know it's definitely riskier these days yeah after it's like you know you just get really
00:53:52.380
scared about somebody sharing like personal communication you know somebody recording your
00:53:57.060
screen even if it's just like hey what's up or anything you know like can i get your number this or
00:54:01.520
that you get scared of uh i get scared of people like sharing that or like screen grabbing it and
00:54:08.160
like um i don't know it just feels like uh you know people are going to use it to mess with you
00:54:15.260
i mean even after what happened with the leah like a lot of the stuff that got shared about him
00:54:20.400
a lot of the stuff that got shared about him none of it was illegal stuff yeah yeah you know and they
00:54:26.360
just people they're like oh what about this 22 year old woman that he was communicating with you're like
00:54:30.920
well that's there's nothing you know it might be a that's you know there's a difference between
00:54:36.660
being a dog of a man and being a uh yeah pervert or a criminal perv what i have to say about him
00:54:43.680
because i didn't and i i i don't want to get in trouble you know that's the thing i i've been
00:54:48.820
pretty silent about you know talking about this yeah me too but i um want to say one thing which i'm
00:54:56.680
trying to gather the words is that i do the allegations are shocking but i do have to say
00:55:05.940
that he's just just personally one of the nicest generous good guys that i've ever met in in the
00:55:17.080
business you know he he's him and his family have only been even you know when i was struggling and
00:55:23.320
stuff the sweetest people and he's he's only been the sweetest guy you know um and um i've not said
00:55:35.700
that out loud and because you know we live in a world where you know you know you get this fear
00:55:43.060
that like am i going to get canceled too or and whatnot but i i've been also thinking about why
00:55:48.820
can't i say that yeah yeah why can't i say you know that you know chris d'Elia is just one of the
00:55:57.360
nicest guys i've ever met personally in my life you know i've never seen him do all the things that
00:56:03.940
you know he's been accused of doing um i don't and i also i'm also you know i'm on the side of
00:56:11.200
always victims you know i feel you know if people have been victimized but that's not what i'm saying
00:56:16.140
right now all i'm saying is is that you know that's the thing that i've been scared to say because i
00:56:24.060
don't want people to think that i'm defending him i'm not i'm just saying that you know that's what i
00:56:30.880
know of him that he's just being a good guy yeah do you have the same experience i mean chris has
00:56:36.780
been super nice to me i mean you know helpful with work i don't you and i you and him are closer
00:56:41.080
yeah because y'all have more of a history together yeah you know yeah uh but it's just so uncomfortable
00:56:48.760
to say that because it's like you know um yeah and it shouldn't be but it all like yeah it shouldn't
00:56:54.040
mean just because we talk about someone that it means like we don't
00:56:58.620
like support somebody that if somebody was taking advantage of it yeah i i don't support
00:57:05.000
the behavior right that's a the behavior if someone's victimized you know i mean i'm not i i'm
00:57:13.880
on their fucking side that's not what i'm talking about i'm just saying that why can't i say to
00:57:19.740
you know i mean that he is just my opinion about him you know it's like yeah totally yeah when
00:57:26.160
people are more than one thing you know like people are like i said before like people are
00:57:31.120
complex creatures right it's like when people like who's that guy huh he's not here live but he is a
00:57:39.520
human and i know i just i want to say add one last thing it's like the same thing as i feel about
00:57:46.700
carlos mencia right and what went what he went through it's like you know i was his opening act
00:57:53.520
when all that shit went down wow really yeah i was what'd you do do you speak up or did you not
00:57:58.680
no i fucking cut ties and i fucking ran like a guy wow do you feel bad about that now or no you know
00:58:03.800
there is parts of me that feel bad but at the time right i wasn't you know i was a guy trying to
00:58:08.980
make a name for myself yeah it's so hard and it's like i was just trying to you know there's a parts
00:58:15.120
of me that are god i hate talking about shit like this but there's parts of me that's you know
00:58:20.020
opportunistic i guess you know i you know i had spent you know how hard it is in the beginning
00:58:26.560
so i had spent so much time like working on this thing and i just had this fear that i was going to
00:58:32.760
lose everything so i cut ties it from him and and i read on the internet all these things about him
00:58:39.040
and it is true did he steal jokes yeah you know but does that make him evil no agreed there's he's a
00:58:48.780
good dad you know he he's a lot of things i would have i would have never made it without him he's done
00:58:55.740
so many generous things for me and it's like would i say that shit around you know rogan or no i don't i
00:59:03.660
keep you know i we that shit doesn't even come up because i know how certain people feel about him
00:59:08.340
you know i mean but you know um people are complex creatures you know and it's like yeah we and and
00:59:15.420
somehow like it seems a lot of times like the media just can say that this person is only one thing and
00:59:20.340
then we their label is that and then and then that's the only thing that they are and it's like it's
00:59:26.820
just so tacky like i think one thing scary it's scary fucking scary dude it's scary true but it's
00:59:34.160
also tacky it's like in a time when we're supposed to be like recognizing that you know people have
00:59:41.580
depth and that people are not just one thing they're not just the uh the color of their skin
00:59:46.700
or just their behavior or just this certain one thing you know that everybody has a redemption
00:59:51.300
you know like it's just yeah also it's like movies that i like are redemption movies right
00:59:57.520
people that made mistakes right and then they are able to at the end of the movie right you know
01:00:02.820
make amends and and to change and to learn that's what life is about is to grow and make mistakes fall
01:00:11.260
learn right and adjust or whatever yeah right but in we live in a society now is you make one mistake
01:00:17.700
mistake or a series of mistakes you're out forever you're done fuck you and it's crazy because we
01:00:25.320
all make we've all we are all oh my god i made so many mistakes so many made you know i know this is
01:00:31.720
a comedy podcast don't make them right but this is like we i think just there's certain times
01:00:36.580
where we have to be real sometimes we are yeah you know sometimes you have to be real and it's like
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you know especially i'm so tired of this pandemic shit like i'm not living a life look there's never
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you know while i was just talking to a friend the other day he said hey theo you know i think about
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i've gotten help for myself and i still continue to go to better help.com slash t-h-e-o and now back to
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the episode i just realized last night i'm not living a life i'm not out doing shit you gotta go to
01:05:05.960
nashville man it's totally there's no pandemic there really yeah i mean so you go out and just
01:05:13.200
go to the gym you can go do whatever you want man do you wear a mask it's awesome i wear a mask like
01:05:17.860
when i like walk into a gas station you know so that lady doesn't get mad but yeah yeah yeah but
01:05:24.440
i also i thought i noticed about a month ago i started feeling like are we all just pretend i
01:05:29.700
started getting this weird feeling like oh we're pretending like there's definitely really something
01:05:34.080
out there but it's just not as dangerous as we thought um yeah i mean because you know how i'm
01:05:40.120
mindful right oh yeah right but then i found i discovered somebody that was even more crazy
01:05:45.880
you know not crazy but you know i invited somebody it's not crazy but i invited somebody to do my
01:05:51.560
podcast you know i have in guests like this oh yeah yeah but i have a plexiglass up you know i mean
01:05:56.560
i was the first guest back in the garage right right and you wear you have to wear a mask when you
01:06:00.080
walk in but then when we shoot we're 10 feet apart you can take your mask off we give you water or
01:06:06.060
sanitize the whole thing right somebody i asked to do my podcast and and this person goes nah
01:06:12.380
zoom or nothing damn right and i'm like you know michael creighton said that to us dude
01:06:18.440
like really yeah yeah we told him to take a walk yes zoom or nothing it's like no i wanted to tell
01:06:24.600
this person like no dude we're just as fucking paranoid as you are but they're like now that
01:06:31.200
extreme so you just don't know where people stand with this shit man but it's getting to the point
01:06:36.340
where you know like have you done stand-up yeah i just got back up where in nashville you did
01:06:45.720
three sets yeah you did zanies yeah just 10 minutes that's dude the first one was so hard
01:06:50.360
oh it was i literally got out there and uh and backstage i'll be like oh you're gonna be
01:06:59.180
finding my head i'm like no i'm not yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah and i always listen to my head
01:07:05.080
unfortunately and so so i'm up there and man it was scary man i like did a little it was almost like i
01:07:11.800
just did little reenactments of whoever i like whatever my act used to be right right right because
01:07:16.960
nothing has been super funny to me really so it's like it's not like i've been practicing new materials
01:07:21.380
like people are even working on new shit and it's like where you know like yeah the only thing that
01:07:26.040
happened was a black guy called me the freaking n-word yeah yeah yeah did you now when you did it did
01:07:31.100
you do all the jokes you used to do yeah yeah i got threw in one new joke uh or one thing that i
01:07:36.460
thought was funny i mentioned right and it did well but otherwise i'm just kind of working on the old
01:07:41.180
stuff because it's almost like i just need to pick back up where i left off yeah i was thinking
01:07:44.460
about doing like thinking what it would be like to just stand up and i panicked because number one
01:07:48.920
i couldn't remember fully how to say any joke right like because you it's all about before i used to do
01:07:56.420
it in repetition totally there but i haven't done it in so long and also how would i even i was like
01:08:03.980
practicing in the mirror like hey what's up you know good to be here you know what's going on and
01:08:10.400
then nothing else came out yeah was that like that oh it's definitely scary and at about three
01:08:15.200
and a half minutes i said hey this is too nerve-wracking for me i'm gonna get down
01:08:18.320
no really yeah and what did the audience laugh yeah they were just like no but did you get out
01:08:24.560
down yeah i got that oh you just bailed in the middle of the set yeah yeah well there was no
01:08:28.740
time limit on the set the guy was waiting right by the door yeah yeah so uh and oh my god that must
01:08:35.560
have been so i it was uncomfortable was it like now the audience was at capacity it was 150 people
01:08:41.300
they're at half capacity half capacity so the i have my own show actually this wednesday night in 48
01:08:45.980
hours and so i'm in in nashville oh you're going back yep so i'm gonna practice uh over the next two
01:08:51.880
days and watch mold said and and you're gonna do 45 minutes yeah oh it's scary though but now i went
01:08:58.360
back two more time and did other and did uh a couple stories yeah and so it got better oh it did
01:09:04.480
it got better but there's still a lot of freaking rust uh for this first show yeah because i keep
01:09:10.580
getting invited to do like hey you want to do huntington beach yeah right and i just like hey
01:09:14.680
want to come perform in this abandoned creighton barrel yeah yeah yeah yeah or like even like i've
01:09:21.560
had friends go you know i'm doing a show at my house yeah for the who your uncle no i'm not doing
01:09:27.360
it right have you been invited to those weird shows oh ari manis invites me all the time he's like hey
01:09:32.240
you want to come over to my apartment and see who uh files a molestation charge against him the next
01:09:36.260
day and it's like no and he changes the name every time it's like his burrito bash he's like we're
01:09:42.740
having free burritos somebody stole my snake last time yeah i just need it i just need it oh god you
01:09:49.080
need the real environment bobby and that was one thing that was nice was going to a club it was
01:09:53.820
like i'm not doing this in the back of a toyota tundra you know yeah yeah i'm not doing this in an
01:09:59.040
abandoned washing machine about it makes me fucking sweat now bro it was nerve-wracking yeah because
01:10:05.020
we're storytellers yeah i'm not a topical i'm not like a guy who every week gets up and has like
01:10:10.720
oh here's seven new jokes no we do evergreen jokes right right we do evergreen jokes that like you can
01:10:16.160
tell you know five years from now that's what i do yeah right now i'm gonna when i go off with a
01:10:22.240
new tour i'll have mostly new stuff but right now i got i just gotta keep i gotta you know but like
01:10:28.460
you have to you know call the elephant in the room right you have to you can't just go up there and go
01:10:34.900
anyway man i had a rough childhood man my dad was crazy he had a funny accent you know you you have to
01:10:40.820
talk about the pandemic and what's going on in the world right i don't know yeah you can't just go
01:10:46.860
up on stage and go like what's up everybody playing it's crazy man my relationship right man you know
01:10:53.320
don't you hate it when women do this and men do that you know i mean black people's butts are higher
01:10:58.280
up than white people's butts you know i mean when they do that kind of joke you know i mean yeah i guess
01:11:03.940
that's true yeah you have to go man at least one line referring to okay you have to say one line
01:11:11.140
referring to what's going on why why yeah i think you could say yeah happy pandemic or like uh or maybe
01:11:17.500
do a cough and go oh i'm sorry i'm just coughing yeah i don't know or peter pandemic is that a new
01:11:22.480
cartoon yet i feel like yeah um man i'm just like sweating now but just even thinking about it
01:11:30.020
but dude yeah we shouldn't not be able we shouldn't be afraid to speak about our friends
01:11:34.180
or people or even like people that have struggled or suffered or like or you know like anybody we
01:11:40.120
shouldn't be afraid to think to be able to speak out loud about things you know yeah it's i i don't
01:11:45.840
know what i don't know you know i don't know i really you know what what's offensive about it is
01:11:51.340
that you know people thinking that i do know like you know first of all you i here's what i want to
01:11:59.140
say this is the truth all right i don't hang out with you you yeah like i don't in my mind you do
01:12:07.780
no no no but we don't we have two pictures of you on the wall i know i know now i have fond
01:12:13.740
feelings for you my ex-girlfriend has a picture of you and me on her wall no really yeah yeah i have
01:12:18.940
fond feelings for you and if you died bro it would be devastating yeah but like i don't see you
01:12:27.040
right we talk we talk every other week right and they're really quick like did you get that
01:12:34.780
yeah no send it that's pretty much something right yeah what you do your text i go what yeah
01:12:43.440
how is it how is it are you alive yeah right that's the interaction with if we talk on the phone which
01:12:49.820
is rare like even for this you're gonna do monday yeah bye yeah you know it's like i don't so you
01:12:57.660
know for people to think that it's almost like spy yeah yeah for people to think that i know what's
01:13:02.340
going on in people's personal lives it's insane i don't know who you're seeing i don't know where
01:13:06.980
you're going i don't know where you've been you know i don't know who you're talking to i don't
01:13:12.840
nothing about you yeah so people if tomorrow the fucking cnn or somebody said theo vaughn's
01:13:19.920
collecting rats again for fucking puppets you'd be like oh wow yeah i'd be like i didn't know that
01:13:25.980
about him yeah all right yeah there's yeah there's like yeah like i've never been over to like delia's
01:13:31.740
house you know yeah i love chris i think that he's one of the best comedians i think he's one of
01:13:37.200
the funniest guys yeah of our time yeah yeah but i'd never been he's lived in three houses
01:13:42.760
he's so intrinsically funny i have been to been to his latest house yeah i went to one of his
01:13:47.840
houses and i had a pool he had a pool party yeah and i waited in his pool and like i didn't get
01:13:53.640
invited to that so that's kind of where he and i like yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah i was only invited
01:13:58.980
one time yeah and then i like left and he goes why'd you leave i go i don't like cheetos or whatever
01:14:03.960
and he's like that's all we have you know i mean and then i like he never invited me again yeah i
01:14:08.660
went to dane cook's house one time me too and he bought me a sandwich you did he did yeah he had
01:14:13.600
some weird like party where it was like me him mark maron by swimming pool just y'all three yeah i was
01:14:20.320
like i don't like this yeah it's this is not fun at all imagine being in a fucking pool party with
01:14:26.000
mark maron and dane cook yeah yeah it's just like i love that you see shia la booth the other night
01:14:30.860
on this thing yeah so funny dane was in that what didn't didn't dane do it dane mc'd it yeah he did
01:14:40.680
do it but it was it was is he the one that like facilitated at all no it couldn't be i don't know
01:14:47.420
did he was this his idea because it was sean penn's charity i know that much but oh it was sean parent
01:14:54.280
penn's the one that came up with it yeah it was for his charity wow that's cool oh so he probably
01:14:59.460
needed a comedian and the only comedian yeah what julie roberts is fine oh dude i would right
01:15:06.740
oh oh yeah yeah dude i would freaking lick skittles okay let me look at let me look at the whole
01:15:12.240
bunch let me look at just scroll down all right so i all right dudes every here's are the people i
01:15:19.360
would hook up with okay and even the dudes i would hook up with who's the top one jennifer aniston
01:15:27.980
yeah yeah maybe i'd go morgan freeman over her yeah no i would do good morgan they said it would
01:15:35.080
take a eight they said it would take a man 600 years to get an erection i would right i also would
01:15:40.860
count all his like freckles oh you know his chocolate spots above like you know that you know that he has
01:15:47.080
the stuff that on silent's face like above his pubes so i would dig through his pubes just to count
01:15:52.200
them oh you're a dart and i would look up and go 82 yeah you know what i mean because i got them all
01:15:57.080
and then i um god who was the next one is fine i would do julia what is wrong with me you would do
01:16:01.760
brad putt you would do brad pitt huh would you hook up with brad no i would not dude i would hook up
01:16:05.680
with julia freaking roberts dude and if she ever dies i will buy one of her bones off of fucking
01:16:10.800
okay because she's stunning bro am i hooking up with any of these freaking bottom leaders john legend
01:16:18.680
ray liota what are those are those smoking cigarettes are those freckles on morgan's face what are they
01:16:23.780
huh he got them installed somebody said at a certain point it became like a thing
01:16:27.760
right right and he got those uh yeah he got more spots you know what i would do i would get you know
01:16:34.220
if i was black and i could make my face he's a speckled trout right i would i would get his bumps
01:16:38.560
right but i also i would get seal scar oh right just to be so i can tell a story i like that right
01:16:45.800
and then i would like i'd probably have an eye patch oh yeah yeah yeah and if i was black i would have a
01:16:52.420
small penis if i could make him so that it would surprise girls yeah they go oh i thought that you
01:16:58.900
know what i mean i'm like nah not this one dude i yeah you got to get that big lincoln long you got to
01:17:05.180
get that dark wiener next time is that morgan feet what is that a statue of him he he has uh
01:17:11.920
dermatosis papillosa negra dpn yeah i don't say negra ever again man don't ever say negra again man
01:17:20.960
yeah dude yeah that's crazy i'm gonna say that kind of stuff on here yeah papillosa negra
01:17:28.860
congratulations thanks because i worry about you you do yeah no you don't i do do you really
01:17:42.660
i just here's the deal dude there's not a lot of us i mean i'm gonna give you a compliment
01:17:52.800
all right can i give you a compliment yeah let's be real yeah um i honestly think that you are um
01:18:00.660
either at my level or even higher up in terms of artistry i would agree with part of that
01:18:09.960
and in comedy like that's how i look up to you i think that you have such an interesting voice
01:18:17.500
you and i might be doing this project together it's pretty big we're not gonna talk about it now
01:18:21.760
but it's a very big deal right and when i found out from these two big people they called me and they
01:18:29.000
go it's you and theo i was just like it there's not in my mind i'm like of course it is right so
01:18:36.940
that being said you know i also worry about you too you know because i want you here with us yeah
01:18:44.720
right and it's like you know you and i slipped around the same time right yeah i didn't really
01:18:51.320
i hadn't even talked about it really because i wanted to get six months before i really talked about
01:18:54.980
it yeah yeah and so you know and then there was a time where i i heard and then you hear rumors
01:19:01.320
dude was on pcp on in nashville he ran through a wall
01:19:04.800
right you're like what he he peed on a fucking midget or whatever you know and so then like you hear
01:19:12.020
these stories i installed pvc pipe in a wall that's actually what happened yeah so that's crazy
01:19:17.640
that's just how it translates so then um and then it's just happy because i don't also you know want
01:19:24.520
to pry into your business yeah right because i i know that i don't know you i don't even know who
01:19:29.480
you're seeing right now yeah as a significant other because i just you know that's your business but
01:19:34.480
you if you want to tell me you'll tell me but um yeah i'm happy to hear that dude you know that you
01:19:40.860
have how do you feel thanks man it was hard man it was hard to get it it was hard to get it i mean i
01:19:48.540
you know like and i just never talk about it that much on that like i you know i've always been in the
01:19:54.200
program so i've never like the most i've ever gone without a meeting is probably a week
01:19:58.120
um but uh but yeah i just i was in in hawaii and they i met this dude at a smoothie shop this
01:20:07.800
shaman and next thing you know i'm using dmt you know at his house dude no are you that real and
01:20:13.700
they ran a child care out of there too dude no are you really you did dmt yeah how was it
01:20:17.980
i mean i'll tell you this man i haven't smoked a cigarette since then which is crazy really
01:20:25.580
so it did work i mean there i would like to say it yeah there's no i have no doubt that it that it
01:20:32.500
that it worked man so then dmt you did the dmt and then that's after that you got sober yeah so
01:20:37.960
then i was just like well uh yeah so then whenever i got back home i just got back into um the rhythm
01:20:44.040
of it yeah well i i had known i felt like a little bit before that i was gonna drink you know i just felt
01:20:49.940
i wasn't really doing my program as much as i should i was going to meetings but not doing it
01:20:54.160
but who and then i went to maui and just had me uh so a couple cocktails man nothing crazy really
01:21:00.840
i didn't do anything crazy i never liked drinking yeah yeah so i had a just some tequila and water and
01:21:06.180
you know over a couple days and then i ran into that man at the smoothie shop his buddy had vitamins
01:21:10.360
vitamin d3 and he hooked me up with a couple of free bottles of vitamins and then he he's like hey
01:21:15.140
you got to meet my buddy and then that dude just does dmt come in a capsule how do you smoke it what
01:21:19.840
is it yeah he had like this kind of um little piece it was kind of a like a peace piper kind of
01:21:27.680
thing uh and yeah you did it dude it was crazy and then what does it do with the feeling here's what
01:21:34.120
happened so basically the whole way i interact with the world is from through my eyes ears okay
01:21:46.320
there was no difference between like me and like a sound or like a color like everything was all just
01:21:54.960
the same thing and a tree i died and then a tree grew straight out of my mouth up straight up into
01:22:01.560
the air as high as the as high as and it wasn't even the air anymore it was just like this traveling
01:22:05.560
this portal into like i don't even know there was no maps it was all a map it was all a map dude it was
01:22:13.580
all a sound it was like there's no fucking what the fuck you did there's no maps there's no like all
01:22:18.820
your senses are just one thing like um like right now i experience the world from me i see i touch i
01:22:29.380
have a sense of things but suddenly i wasn't the main i could experience everything but as everything
01:22:37.720
suddenly i'm no longer rooted to myself i was just
01:22:41.300
part of it all man oh fuck i was part of it all i was a piece of sunshine and i was a
01:22:48.660
so you had a bucket of sand and i was a spiritual awakening
01:22:56.280
it definitely was way relaxing in a sense like it took a little bit of pressure off of me
01:23:01.940
yeah i want to do that thing where they do maybe not smoke what's that called acapulco what's it
01:23:06.600
called ayahuasca ayahuasca i want to do the acapulco dude i like i want to do it i was watching a
01:23:11.600
documentary it's called unwell it's like a series and people are like and people are like getting
01:23:17.320
spiritual awakenings from what's it called ayahuasca ayahuasca and um so then i turned to
01:23:23.480
kalilah and i go is that a relapse is that a relapse i mean it counts as a relapse just because
01:23:28.940
but i think it's for me i think it's how people count their own time like i know anybody in the
01:23:33.400
most people in the program would say it's a relapse because i know a dude that has a lot of time
01:23:37.600
and and he he said to me once i did ayahuasca like a year ago but i don't count it as a relapse
01:23:45.980
right so i'm like oh shit is that allowed i don't know you know and i look i think all of it comes down to
01:23:53.620
how people have their own program you know yeah just because i want to i want to be able to like
01:23:59.400
do what you just said like see through my eyes and be a part of the tree well i didn't feel like i was
01:24:05.120
using a drug i felt like i was having a experience i want to be a part of the cosmos yeah like i felt
01:24:13.060
like i was using drugs for hey i want to get high i want to change how i feel because you didn't want
01:24:16.500
to probably do it again like oh how do i get more dmt baby you know i mean right it was just like one
01:24:21.540
experience you weren't hooked on it right no i wasn't hooked on it right so it's like i want to
01:24:26.280
take ayahuasca and and and one time and just you know experience it and find but then i'm i'm paranoid
01:24:35.160
that i'm going to be like a fucking ayahuasca junkie yeah oh yeah you'll be every week yeah living in
01:24:40.400
the living in the zoo eating fucking leaves when people come by well we'll be taking pictures of
01:24:44.600
you you'll hold on to them and they'll take a picture of you you know yeah or i'll have like
01:24:48.060
like peacock hairs on my head and i'll be like a shaman yeah completely naked in the forest with
01:24:52.780
peacock feathers and i'll have like red like mascara on right and i'll be like oh do you put do you put
01:24:58.640
do you put do you and just speaking some weird language and then like you're gonna be like hey
01:25:02.680
you want a podcast i get but do you know i'm you know i'm i'm a bird or whatever i'm your pituitary
01:25:09.180
glad you're gonna trip out yeah so i don't i so i don't know what it's gonna do to me you know but
01:25:17.980
if you're saying that you took dmt and then it was just like chill after that and you it helped you
01:25:22.800
get sober then maybe you know are those gifts off the cigarettes yeah they are it helped me get up
01:25:27.480
i didn't expect it to help me get off cigarettes it just did man can i open them and i'll talk more
01:25:31.600
about it on a regular episode i didn't even really mean to bring it up but no you you brought it up
01:25:36.760
whenever i got it i was on your podcast yeah yeah about bought me gifts yes or did you who
01:25:43.900
bought do you buy them open it i will thank you man i you know no one's got me a gift you're lying
01:25:50.500
kalilah obviously my niece and um you know what is her mom i love her mom but you know what she got me
01:25:57.520
i'm not complaining every gift is a good blanket no she made me rice krispie treats oh but come on
01:26:04.280
yeah you don't do you say thank you i mean 10 years ago that was funny yeah yeah yeah and then
01:26:12.660
gilbert the guys i work with on pocket they gave me a video game chair oh that's pretty cool those
01:26:17.920
are dope man oh dude dope bro this says it's cool huh dude this is dude i love this is a medium
01:26:33.340
yeah let me see i don't know thank you so much it'll fit yeah yeah they i do this collider one of
01:26:40.720
one of these remember i told you uh-uh yeah this is from what from the uh what you said from bobby
01:26:50.700
but yeah man i figured you would like that and i knew you wanted something to sleep in at night
01:26:57.340
instead of something to keep you warm all this available at theovonstore.com dude this is cool
01:27:03.720
wrecking the wrecking oh my god thank you so much can you show the camera can you show the camera yeah
01:27:10.400
yeah so i just got dude only hope to be i'm gonna be wearing this shit dude oh yeah i am gonna be
01:27:15.520
wearing this shit this says uh sexy in that and again that's theovonstore.com theovonstore.com
01:27:21.760
the rat king dope as fuck and you can make that a dress if you want to put it as a belt too this is
01:27:26.320
dope as fuck dude all right that's a holiday piece thank you so much man appreciate it you're
01:27:31.520
welcome man thanks for coming on dude yeah i'm excited about our project man it'd be crazy if it
01:27:35.760
works out i don't know if we can can we i mean we have to be creative and
01:27:42.560
because i'm going to be honest with you can you cut you cut things out maybe we'll talk about it
01:27:51.280
i'll be honest with you when they contact me i thought it was a prank you did i don't even know
01:27:58.080
you don't even know what it is no oh he doesn't what nick does not know oh he doesn't i mean i
01:28:03.200
didn't keep it from him for any reason i just i don't uh just never well let's just talk about
01:28:07.040
it and then if you want to cut it out cut it out okay how long have we done gone so far
01:28:10.560
hour and a half that's good yeah is that is how it goes i was i'll just be honest with i was a
01:28:15.920
little low energy i'm so sorry is that i i had a blast that was fun yeah i thought it was a lot
01:28:20.240
of fun man i'm just really because i in my head i'm getting paranoid in my head like that you know
01:28:24.480
because i'm trying not to repeat stories yeah yeah oh yeah all of us do man it's all it's so hard
01:28:30.160
that like so i'm like you can't say that because you already said that this date so it's like it's a
01:28:35.120
very difficult thing that's where i'm at right now with podcasting it's like it gets tough man it
01:28:39.200
gets so hard i talk so much that i don't even know what to say anymore yeah so coming here i
01:28:45.920
felt bad because it was like i don't want to let my friend theo down but i just was like you know i
01:28:50.320
want to be able to deliver because you know what sucks about it too is whenever him and i do it
01:28:54.000
together people on the online thinks that we're the best together so it's like i feel the pressure of
01:28:58.960
it too right so it's not it's now not fun i'm a fan and i enjoyed this one so yeah okay but oh so
01:29:06.720
anyway we get a call i got a call from jay and mark duplass you know who they are uh puffy chair or
01:29:14.480
whatever yeah yeah they did uh the documentary of the indian people out in mexico no but they also
01:29:22.560
did um that one with the um they've done a lot of shows yeah yeah they're huge
01:29:29.440
yeah so they reached out about us doing a and so they they have a deal at spotify and they want to um
01:29:35.200
um and that their first comedy they want to put out is a um a podcast with me and theo but it's um
01:29:45.120
scripted and um and being the family yeah we're family we're brothers in it yeah and i'm the asian
01:29:54.960
yeah yeah and and when they pitched me the idea i was like okay i'm i'm in it wasn't just them but
01:30:00.960
because i'm a huge fan of them but it's like i think that you know um it's new territory dude
01:30:08.160
yeah it would be fun i mean it would be interesting it would be fun um
01:30:13.840
yeah i'm liking it working on some of the script stuff now and yeah it's cool maybe i should get
01:30:17.840
more involved when are you gonna move i just got back from nashville yesterday i've been there for
01:30:22.880
three weeks so you already moved no no i mean i'm just there kind of there's nothing to do here
01:30:29.440
i mean you know there's time to spend with you there's time to spend with brendan there's time
01:30:32.800
to do podcasting you know i can't go to the gym at least i can go there and women will beat me you
01:30:39.120
know yeah yeah as i just came back to celebrate your birthday and spend time with you man
01:30:47.360
that's uncomfortable but are you gonna physically move there uh i don't know
01:30:51.840
you know i definitely would like to have work be based out of there i think um you know we're
01:30:58.240
managing it right now and trying to figure it out but how are you gonna get guests and stuff it's a
01:31:02.320
lot of interesting people there ah one interesting thing is uh david arquette came here for the
01:31:08.720
podcast he lives in nashville oh he does yeah which is crazy so it's like we could have done it there
01:31:14.320
well i know steve burns moving out there um johnny galecki lives there yeah a lot of people
01:31:21.360
about that kid rock um dave ramsey dave ramsey wow um but there's probably tons of people that live
01:31:29.520
there you know yeah and and also just regular people like we're getting a female trucker to come on next
01:31:34.720
week oh that's um we got a young fella right now an asian guy side kicking in there with us
01:31:40.000
really on the new episode you want to show him a little clip of old boy yeah let me see
01:31:44.160
now do you go out there nick came uh i have yes i helped him set up the studio it was awesome
01:31:51.120
and like he said it's uh pretty normal colin can you text me that video
01:31:57.120
oh i found it and you might recognize him young fellow
01:32:05.200
you have a lot of body hair riley i don't i would have guessed that man honestly
01:32:11.920
really yeah do you have any birth defects or anything like that um i mean i'm a musician
01:32:17.680
like i said but no when you were born were you missing anything to give any birth defects
01:32:27.040
in in indiana are you good at charades no not at all you know i always wanted to smoke
01:32:33.440
crack have you had a high drug experience riley i've not i mean you know i'm a christian eagle
01:32:38.720
scout so i'm like the most innocent guy that you will probably ever meet you know in bali they have
01:32:44.080
so many monkeys that a lot of them have gone into bad ones they put them into detention centers you
01:32:47.600
support that kind of thing yeah i support all monkeys whether they're bad or not because asians
01:32:52.640
you can't i mean you take a razor to an asian you'll barely end up with a damn sideburn on the ground
01:32:56.640
they're not they're not hairy people are they are the yokozunas hairy i don't think so
01:33:02.000
yeah they don't they he doesn't have information he's just a guest look that up man he's a sidekick
01:33:10.720
man he's your sidekick why do you need an asian sidekick i'm employing you guys man you know what
01:33:16.960
i'm saying yeah he's poly bro yeah yeah he's poly man he's from the islands you know come i mean
01:33:24.240
maybe i'll go out there you know well do you ever go to zany's or not i have one time i went there
01:33:28.720
once and three people showed up my show what bro yes when was all this every time you reference a
01:33:34.480
show yeah nobody was there it was so bad where if you went anywhere in america a million people
01:33:41.360
would come out i wouldn't ask them in fact they called me like because santino was there before
01:33:46.640
the pandemic and santino's like dude they want you here i'm with the owner or whatever and i go dude i
01:33:53.360
sold three tickets last time and then she got on the phone and she goes oh that was our bad um you
01:33:58.880
know but i think it'd be different now babe this is before i went podcasting okay so if i went now
01:34:04.880
i would i think when does it end man what do you think the next step is
01:34:14.880
really thank you so much for having me on man i'm a little i was a little low energy today but
01:34:19.440
i did the best i could i you know i'm a friend to you yeah dude we're friends bro yeah i friends
01:34:27.120
you and we together dude what if we were brothers dude i almost wish that this thing that we're working
01:34:36.960
on could be you know i mean i was live action oh like real you know i mean like live action yeah yeah
01:34:45.840
dude and let's yeah we could be brothers we could own a bakery huh yeah so i want to go to um let's
01:34:51.520
see i want to go to let's when it lightens up a little bit i want to go to nashville and visit you
01:34:56.160
yeah i really do do you yeah you would love that i don't want to stay at your house i'll get a hotel
01:35:00.720
yeah yeah yeah i don't want to stay here they have nice hotels there man they're building a soho house
01:35:04.640
there oh really yeah yeah so i'll go to um so when we know when it like when do you think we're
01:35:10.480
going to have a um vaccine or something whatever i don't know i don't even know who's dying from it
01:35:16.240
i think it's just mostly killing like older people and then i mean nobody wants to say it but it's
01:35:22.880
killing mostly latinos and blacks you know yeah that's sad so you guys are doing fine oh tuesday
01:35:29.360
november 3rd oh yeah tuesday november 3rd yeah all right so i'm there so i'll come to nashville okay
01:35:34.960
because i'll get the vaccine right away okay but thanks for having me on dude thanks for coming
01:35:40.000
happy birthday honestly dude because kalala one of these do you remember i talked i called somebody
01:35:45.600
yeah yeah we got that message man and yeah i just want to let you know that you're always loved here
01:35:51.120
dude we're gonna do these forever dude and if i had a box of love man half of it would be yours
01:35:56.960
my mind is somewhere else but when i find it i'll patch up with here with that little baby sheep
01:36:08.000
now i'm just floating on the breeze and i feel i'm falling like these leaves i must be cornerstone
01:36:18.800
oh but when i reach that ground i'll share this peace of mind i found i can feel it
01:36:25.440
it's in my bones but it's gonna take a little time for me to set that parking brake
01:36:37.120
and let myself unwind and let myself unwind shine that light on me
01:36:43.600
i'll sit and tell you my stories shine on me and i will find a song i will sing it just for you
01:37:05.120
and now i've been moving way too fast on the runaway train with a heavy load of my
01:37:17.760
and these rails that i've been riding on they weren't so thin that they're damn near gone
01:37:27.120
ladies and gentlemen i'm jonathan kite and welcome to kite club a podcast where i'll be sharing thoughts
01:37:32.800
on things like current events stand-up stories and seven ways to pleasure your partner the answer may
01:37:39.040
shock you sometimes i'll interview my friends sometimes i won't and as always i'll be joined
01:37:45.120
by the voices in my head you have three new voice messages a lot of people are talking about kite club
01:37:52.640
i've been talking about kite club for so long longer than anybody else so great
01:37:59.280
here's a deal anyone who doesn't listen to kite club is a dodgy bloody wanker
01:38:05.840
oh hi i'll take a quarter pounder with cheese and a victory
01:38:12.000
i think tom hanks just butt dialed me anyway first rule of kite club is tell everyone about
01:38:20.560
kite club second rule of kite club is tell everyone about kite club third rule like and
01:38:26.640
subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts or watch us on youtube yeah and yes don't worry