E297 Bobby's Belated Birthday Party - Bobby Lee 4
Episode Stats
Length
1 hour and 38 minutes
Words per minute
193.83627
Harmful content
Misogyny
36
sentences flagged
Toxicity
334
sentences flagged
Hate speech
119
sentences flagged
Summary
In this episode, the brother and sister duo of the are joined by a special guest! We talk about a variety of topics, including: beach life, peeing on the beach, birthday parties, and more.
Transcript
00:00:00.000
And then you hear rumors, Theo was on PCP in Nashville, he ran through a wall, right?
00:00:09.120
I installed PVC pipe in a wall, that's actually what happened.
00:00:12.820
So that's crazy, that's just how it translates.
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Follow me, and I will find a song, I've been singing just so long.
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Yeah, I'm happy to have you too, but it's like, I just asked for some earphones, I'm on a podcast, but it's okay.
00:01:07.220
I've been to the beach before in my life, though.
00:01:12.760
Yeah, but that doesn't mean you're a beach guy.
00:01:17.420
Yeah, but I've never seen pictures of you at the beach before.
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I know, because I don't have a beach body, bro.
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That's one of my body's shaped like baby whale shit.
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There's some dope urchins and stuff out there.
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You know, pull up a picture of an urchin if you don't mind, Nick.
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Because I don't know what it is, and I don't want to be offensive to you.
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One time I saw you, I was in the water, in the ocean.
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I didn't even realize you even did that, bro.
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I'm used to homemade birthday stuff, but you know.
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Dude, are you feeling, have you started to feel, I've been starting to feel older, man.
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Bro, let me tell you something right now, dude.
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Like, if it, like, if when I pee, I have to concentrate.
00:03:00.740
No, but I feel like if you concentrate hard enough, you can almost.
00:03:09.920
I know, but before you would just go, I'm going to pee, and it was just like a natural
00:03:17.220
But sometimes, like, last night I had to go, I know I have to pee, but it's clogged up.
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Maybe it's clogged up with cum, but it's like.
0.99
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You already, I heard you the first time you said it.
00:03:29.260
Because I had jerked off, you know how I jerked off before that?
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And it didn't come out, but you still felt it going?
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Somebody told me black guys cum has music in it.
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Well, it was a fat black guy, so maybe fat black guys have thicker cum.
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Even just by looking at them, you know they're not.
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They're definitely throwing a creme brulee, you know.
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Anyway, I masturbated last night in the bathtub.
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So I was masturbating in the bathtub, and you know what sucks about masturbating in the bathtub?
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I go, I'm going to save it later like that, right?
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Because I like to like relax, but what the worst thing is, is that then I looked at my
00:05:31.600
And there's still a couple, you know what I mean?
00:05:36.760
Yeah, like people on the roof during Hurricane Katrina.
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Or they're on the tip of my penis and they're doing this and I'm like-
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One of those things that you see at a car dealership.
00:05:51.860
And so I was doing this and then I just let it float.
00:05:54.520
And I'm thinking to myself, do they think it's like the ovary?
00:06:09.380
We thought it was going to be a long distance, right?
00:06:22.600
I guess maybe it's just not old age, but it's clogged a little bit.
00:06:31.320
Well, first of all, when I was young, if we ejaculated, my dad made us bury it in the yard.
00:06:41.100
So you would dig a hole and then you would come into a hole?
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Or if he caught us, if we'd ejaculated onto something or, you know, ejacked onto a cloth
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Maybe my sister had a little thing of cups and cupboards or some little game, you know,
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00:07:01.460
If he busted us, he would make us take it out of the yard and bury it in the backyard.
00:07:05.580
What if you buried it and all of a sudden a little Theo-
00:07:08.760
Six months later, just a little Theo just came out of the ground.
00:07:27.720
She let us sleep out in it the first night we got it.
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And then, uh, so then we got a Volkswagen Rabbit, which is like a really small car.
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Any of those look good on the top row, I think.
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And you would go around, you know, and I don't know why, but you would always go past schools.
00:08:25.680
What is it about, I think, there's a lot of secrecy inside of Asian men, older Asian men, where, you know what I'm saying?
00:08:38.740
A lot of white men, and blacks too, I'll say it, and others, slams, everybody else slams, people from the desert, sand Christians, everybody.
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They are more, they're more outspoken with what's going on.
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I feel like a lot of Asian people keep things very close to the vest.
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Like, you'll see a guy with a van, but no particular reason, you never know, and then years later, you know, on his deathbed, he tells you he was, you know, he's been running a baseball card shop across town.
00:09:12.240
We're doing, well, you guys don't do a lot of, like, you guys do more sex offender indoor.
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You don't do, like, kidnapping, that kind of stuff.
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Because the Asian man's not going to be able to catch a white kid, or a black kid, no fucking way.
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The reason why you don't even know is because we do it so quick.
1.00
00:09:56.040
Yeah, so we're quick as fuck, and that's where you don't see it, yeah.
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But I don't, I've never really, I've never seen in the news, especially in America, right?
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Or sometimes white people go hog wild in a mall.
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You never see Asian dudes do it, older dudes doing that.
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You guys keep your crime, I feel like, very close to the vest, and then at the last second
00:10:26.840
on a death, in a deathbed whisper, you tell it, you know?
00:10:34.020
Bobby, I killed 9,342 people in my life, or something like that.
1.00
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Well, you guys come from a long history of keeping secrets and tradition, honor.
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Asian kill themselves if they have secret, you know?
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An alternative spelling is a ritual suicide in traditional Japan, if someone kills themselves.
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I know, but, Theo, white people kill themselves, too.
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You guys have more, it's more of like, I'm going to go over here and take my life quietly.
00:11:42.940
I think because I'm Asians, especially my parents and my family, you know, we want to assimilate.
00:11:50.700
And we want to just, you know, don't be bothered.
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We're lucky to be here is the mentality, I think.
00:11:58.540
We're going to just make our money and we don't want to cause any trouble, you know?
00:12:12.900
Like I kind of was influenced kind of by the Asians that immigrated here.
00:12:18.920
So it's like, I don't really, I still have that old school, you know what I mean?
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Mentality where I don't want to, like last night I ran into, this fucking happened, man.
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So I was at, so last night I look at my girl and I go,
00:12:52.240
because I'm down to one pack of cigarettes a week.
00:12:57.560
So I smoke one pack a week and I had run out of the week, the pack.
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00:13:02.060
So I'm like, I think I need, and I started smoking like the butts.
00:13:08.580
So I go, you know, sweetie, I'm going to go to the 7-Eleven.
00:13:11.140
She goes, I take Juliana with you, which is my niece or her niece.
1.00
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And I go, and I go, and I wait in the line, 6 feet, whatever.
00:13:25.780
And there's a full-blown fight in the counter with this white dude, you know.
00:13:35.440
I'm sorry to bring that up, but it's a pet peeve of mine.
00:13:37.500
When people do that, people are like, oh, man, you know.
00:13:46.480
Yeah, and he was like, the guy was, eh, meester, meester.
00:13:51.500
I don't know why, but immigrants love to say that.
00:13:56.240
Yeah, so, meester, you need to wear a mask.
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And he goes, fuck, you guys are all sheep.
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00:14:02.400
You know, he's like doing that in the store, right?
1.00
00:14:11.800
So he bought a mask, and he kind of put it on his face.
00:14:20.820
He's like, now give him my beer, because he was buying beer.
00:14:37.660
And now, what do you feel like he was waiting for?
00:14:39.540
Because he was already angry at what the guy who worked there?
00:14:49.640
Well, because I think that, you know what's fucked up when you say they do that, though?
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So then, anyway, he waits by the door, and I order my shit, the cigarette, I put it in
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my pocket, and I'm going to the door, and the dude opens the door for me, and now his
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Now, you feel like he was welcoming, or he was like-
00:15:44.120
Now, I look at Juliana in the car, and she has her mask up, but I can see her eyes.
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She's like, what the fuck is going on, right?
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That's the worst time to fight at the CBS, dude.
00:16:35.580
So then I go outside, and I run the car open, and then he comes to the car.
00:16:40.640
So I remember Juliana trying to figure out how to lock the door.
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He's like, you fucking liberal piece of shit.
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And he kind of looks at my driver's license to see, like, what my driver-
1.00
00:17:15.340
So then I got in a car and drove away, but my adrenaline was rushing, you know?
00:17:25.900
Yeah, why did I even have to say that, you know what I mean?
00:17:29.740
But then it's like, you know, then you think to yourself, right?
00:17:37.380
And then you go back to that movie, The Social Dilemma.
00:17:59.140
I think you're thinking about The Social Network.
00:18:05.400
No, I'm trying to think of the movie that I'm thinking of.
00:18:13.980
And it's all, you know how the other day, all the celebrities, like, we're not going to
00:18:18.280
be on Instagram and Twitter until, you know what I mean, Facebook changes their, you know.
00:18:23.500
But basically, it's how social media, right, has done some good for our country and our world.
00:18:33.360
And it's like, people have connected that have never, that haven't talked to each other in years.
00:18:39.720
It's like, dude, if you go outside with a decent organ, bro, somebody will find you,
00:18:44.880
But mostly, it's caused polarization in this country and a lot of-
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It's like, it has a lot to do with, you know, social media.
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But, um, so you watch that and you go, holy shit, I'm never going to be on Twitter, but
0.98
00:19:06.320
Well, yeah, because all these guys, celebrities are like, we, they saw the documentary and
00:19:09.740
they're like, we're no longer going to be on Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, or we're going
00:19:16.460
They're, they just, they say whatever the next thing they got to do, whatever.
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It's always the next, what do I have to do today to feel like, it's not even, there's
00:19:27.480
Yeah, you know, I have a problem with people when they go, um, because sometimes they'll
00:19:31.160
read a comment and go, Bobby's Hollywood or he's a celebrity.
00:19:33.880
Do you, do you, when people call you a celebrity, I'd be real, you don't feel like one, right?
00:19:45.920
Yeah, I feel like, like, I maybe want to become one, you know what I mean?
00:19:58.860
Yeah, I kind of want to be Bruce Lee or something, some, some, some, like, guy like that.
00:20:09.480
Here's a guy right here, a little white kid that'll fight you, dude.
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What are the chances that you join him whenever you're allowed out the house again?
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And how long do you think it's going to be until you do comedy?
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I didn't understand what he was saying, though.
00:20:34.940
that's what i fucking heard dude that's charles dickens bro okay i don't even know who that is
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is that the guy i think i've heard of him great grandson that's chuck dick the third
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understand what the fuck he just said he tell me what he said nick can translate uh theo started
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00:21:01.080
doing a jiu-jitsu and he's wondering that's hilarious and he's that's hilarious i'm a female
0.97
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straw weight right now it's just funny that you do jiu-jitsu dude i am not that good at it yeah i
00:21:14.240
can tell and i'm not don't do it stop it's ridiculous bro why because you know because
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because you're in cahoots with fucking shab and eddie fucking the twister fucking that guy's insane
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what's his name eddie uh boham rice uh mitchell yeah mitchell eddie mitchell with the twister oh
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bryce mitchell's a killer dude he'll look at you that you're you have a gi and everything bro
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dude you look ridiculous that is stinking up my car right i know dude bro stop doing it dude it's a
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fad i had to stop for a week because some of my ribs got really severely bruised so i've been
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fighting two women and i'm almost gonna i'm almost beating one of them what have what have you learned
00:21:53.680
to do because i i wrestled in high school yeah do you know how long your high school was dude it
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was different when you were in high school they didn't even have like i mean they didn't have a
00:22:03.040
lot the laws were different i know but i still know how to do like a double leg a single leg and a
00:22:08.640
fireman's oh dude fireman's is out now it is yeah it's fire persons now okay they changed it they did
00:22:16.140
uh what can i do now i'll tell you this like say if somebody comes running at me and they're gonna hit
00:22:20.840
me or attack me it used to be i would be scared and just run off now i will let them hit me
00:22:25.220
ah because you want to be able to grab them it's just like now it's like okay i know i'm gonna i
00:22:30.580
know this is there's gonna be some confrontation here i'm ready for it that's that's literally only
00:22:35.040
that's as far as i've gotten like okay i'm okay right here is before i'd be in complete fear i would
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lay on my back and kick at them my question to you theo is when have you ever been attacked
00:22:43.720
you could easily get attacked now have you seen but you've never been attacked have you seen blm
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people attacking people rather than having appetizers attacking senior citizens trying
00:22:52.680
to finish a shrimp scampi outside of baltimore you seen this no man i don't want to upset me huh
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it's gonna upset me no it's not it's just like angry white people with bullhorns dude blm's got
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those rallies have gotten so bad black people aren't even showing up at him anymore
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they are black people are like this shit is lame as fuck dude i i yeah i just i first of all my
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girlfriend went to one of those no no the the protests are i i totally get that that's a
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different thing oh i don't know people attacking senior citizens trying to polish off a fucking
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thing of grilled brussel sprouts outside of a fucking dave and busters nicks well there's got to
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be a reason why they did that though i know it's just there's things where they're chanting and going
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down the street and then they get angry at people that are eating outdoors ah um yeah it's it's getting
00:23:43.440
you know it's like on both sides it's getting out of hand oh dude all those people that are fighting
00:23:48.300
in the park and throwing like water balloons at each other and stuff all of this stuff is not
00:23:53.480
yeah this this is this isn't about anything it feels like to me see this is where they're just
00:23:57.420
yelling at people that are trying to finish their salad all right
00:23:59.940
yeah it's you're you know you first of all you don't even know their backstory yeah you mean it's
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like you know what i mean with one of the white dude could have just got out of fucking the
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hospital from cancer right they may have black children in her right right and then the woman
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right is has a week to live because she has some sort of weird like skin disease yeah right and
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they're like let's have one meal together all right it's corona baby we don't no let's go to
00:24:24.580
fucking luigianos like let's risk it it's i have two t-cells left and then all of a sudden
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you know what i mean i'm gonna risk them they just ruined their fucking last days on earth
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i got two t-cells left i want to risk them for this calamari outdoors yeah the shared plate yeah
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people have to learn how to like realize that like not every first of all you know there's not
00:24:43.520
two sides agreed okay that it's so complex right it's crazy what you believe you know i mean people's
00:24:53.000
personal lives it's so intricately complex that there's no way to put people in categories
00:24:59.200
and boxes right so it's like you can't just make assumptions about things right and that's
00:25:04.660
where we are in life and i do the same thing like when i see like you know like hardcore right wing
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you know trump supporters right say some fucking crazy things immediately my reaction is to attack
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them but then it's like i have to look back and go and i'll go on their like twitter and then they
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they have dogs yeah right and anyone that i love anyone that loves a dog right to me is like
00:25:27.840
you know has some empathy and and love in their heart you know it's just like you just don't know
00:25:33.620
it's like that's what we are in the world so it's like well it goes back to social media i think a lot
00:25:37.920
of that stuff is just fueling people to be you know keyed up you know when i was young you had to get
00:25:42.960
coked up to go do some trouble yeah yeah people are doing a couple you know a couple hot tweets and
0.99
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you're out there fucking throwing an axe at somebody outside of a fucking abandoned applebee's
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like yeah yeah yeah and then it's like people fighting for like these politics like
0.99
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i just i don't know i never understood going that crazy for pop for politics just go vote
00:26:04.500
yeah yeah and that's all you have to do yeah yeah yeah and also it's like go vote and it's like you
00:26:10.620
know you have to we have to understand that like you know it's like that you have no real the only
00:26:17.320
things you can control the things that you can do yeah right outcomes you can't control
00:26:22.740
right it's out of your hands and we worry about these outcomes that we're powerless over right
00:26:28.580
and you're like we have some of influence over yeah i mean we do have some i mean we have the
00:26:33.260
right to vote and that's gonna help right and then you can like if you have a little bit of money you
00:26:38.520
can like donate money to somebody's campaign or whatever you might do or you could also do service
00:26:43.120
work and be you know head you know pick me's deserve to live or whatever you know it has some sort of
00:26:49.780
like you know yeah i don't know if that's a thing but that you know but no something do yeah do
00:26:54.780
something give these boys something water for the blind they yeah yeah but you you that's all you
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can do you know i mean all this other shit you know i mean wasting your time yeah yeah yeah that's
0.99
00:27:04.160
why i've just been watching kingdom man you know just the other day i switched my cable uh turned it
0.97
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off turned off my cable so now you know sometimes i'll go in the living room and it's kind of guess
00:27:17.180
what could be happening um and the tv's off but what i'm saying is that there's ways you can save
00:27:23.560
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00:28:00.340
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00:28:39.580
policy genius.com kingdom kingdom i don't watch it oh bro this guy's got a question about something i
00:28:47.240
think you guys have both been watching could i talk about kingdom first yes yeah okay let's listen to
00:28:52.700
this guy okay play the guy big tiger valley fan here um i'm crossing the tracks huh you've seen the
00:29:02.760
new reboot karate kid reboot what you think of it and if you would make a guest appearance
00:29:15.440
thank you for your question brother i appreciate that man i appreciate you being obviously this guy
00:29:21.680
i'm going to go out on a limb and say this guy is filipino or athletic and relaxed dominican
00:29:30.540
and he wants to know if you'd be mr miyagi and the wildest thing is bobby i thought about that a minute ago
00:29:38.500
i said i wonder if bobby's been approached about being uh going yagi going full yagi
00:29:51.740
people do this all the time they go god he looks like him doesn't he sorry go on
00:29:57.560
first of all people do this all the time when they go
00:30:03.200
um they say stuff like why why weren't you in that you should you why didn't you do that yeah
00:30:10.920
right and you go like some movie comes out like crazy rich asians people go hey why didn't you do
0.99
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that they didn't ask me right yeah i want to be in it yeah people like get mad at me yeah
00:30:28.060
why didn't you do that you should have done that and go i did want to do it yeah they don't want me in
00:30:33.120
it yeah you know or like people go like that you should be karate kid miyagi yeah first of all
00:30:42.380
he was like 70 years old when he did it he was 51 was he really yeah i could do it
00:30:51.160
i'll do it i'll do it you would be too goofy man why no ah you guys very much look very similar
00:30:59.060
and r.i.p him he died yeah he died from um smoking huh well i i heard different stories that he was an
00:31:08.000
alcoholic yeah yeah i you know i i have a and that's back when it was heavy but there's a funny
00:31:14.400
story about him um he used to go to hawaii all the time right because he was friends with you know
00:31:19.740
who don ho is yep the musician yeah pat morita so he used to go to don ho shows all the time
00:31:26.020
but he used to go there to do one joke right and so don ho with if don ho knew a pat morita was in
00:31:35.260
the audience don ho would stop in the middle of the show and goes ladies and gentlemen tiny bubbles to
00:31:40.620
you you know what i mean and people go yay right and he goes my friend is here in the audience you know
00:31:45.320
he's a good friend of mine he's a celebrity he's one of my best friends in the world uh pat morita
00:31:50.400
please they should have they shot a shot a light on him pat morita and and don ho would go stand up
00:31:57.920
pat morita and pat morita's joke would be i am standing and everyone would laugh and he would
00:32:06.000
and then you just get plastered get blown by hawaiian women oh god you gotta love that yeah
1.00
00:32:12.740
see that's awesome man that's the good old days man you when you would drive you drive four hours
00:32:17.060
to be part of something you know yeah see i would have loved dude back in the day if like you and i
00:32:21.780
came up from the 70s or 80s dude right and i knew you were doing a show right yeah i would have loved
00:32:27.300
to just go with you because what else is there to do yeah you know i mean go to the movies yeah the
00:32:32.320
movies you're gonna be stuck in there yeah so i would just drive and i think people like hung out
00:32:37.340
more back then yeah right when things everything wasn't recorded so it didn't so like everything
00:32:42.440
like something there was a value to the moment like now there's not as much value to the moment
00:32:47.520
yeah it's great and i don't know if this is good or bad but it's crazy to think that like
00:32:51.560
some of the people that have been canceled too wouldn't be canceled you know i mean oh totally well
00:32:56.720
it's i i i i don't know if that's in my head you know no it's okay to talk about yeah yeah
00:33:01.900
i mean say if you know you take you know half of our friends or anybody from our time who grew up
00:33:10.120
on that movie almost famous right that movie is about 16 year old girls i think banging men
1.00
00:33:16.440
yeah in a band and kind of chant like the movie it doesn't champion it but it definitely like
00:33:24.140
kind of carries on like this is okay well i mean obviously the rolling stones and these 70s bands
00:33:30.680
when they want to go on the road yeah dude they would like like they're half of our parents
00:33:36.140
because i know i was watching that um movie um once at a time in hollywood and one of the manson
00:33:41.800
girls was like 16 17 years old i mean it's not that i'm not saying it's right or wrong i'm just
00:33:46.140
saying that back in the day you know like you know they used to just rock bands used to just do that
00:33:51.700
they didn't ask for their id they just you know i mean she's hot she has hair on her jam g and let's
1.00
00:33:58.180
do it you know i mean yeah and it's like i'm not saying it's right it's probably wrong it's wrong
00:34:02.980
well it's wrong but they you did it though it's all there's look there's nuances to everything
00:34:08.600
i remember they had a handicapped guy in our neighborhood who's mentally handicapped and he
00:34:12.280
used to kind of kiss everybody a little and nobody knew how old he was oh really yeah i um
0.96
00:34:18.880
did you do it i don't remember if i did or not i probably i think i hugged him or fucking wrote on
0.83
00:34:25.580
his shoulders or something you look like something you'd like to lit thing you'd like like lit things
0.68
00:34:29.000
on fire growing up huh uh i mean i would like lights light stuff in the yard or if we got half like
00:34:34.800
you know so then we get a extra half gallon of gas or kerosene or something we put it light the ditch
00:34:39.420
up and run through it um do stuff like that my buddy's car one time we fucking put the tires in
0.97
00:34:46.380
kerosene coated him and lit them all and he drove down the street real fast yeah um should we even
00:34:51.600
be talking about this because i feel like it's going to get flagged or something on on youtube
00:34:55.120
oh no he he's he's still alive no i mean talking about this in general about pedophilia dude pedophilia
00:35:03.880
there's a new tv show about pedophilia where they're dancing
00:35:05.960
so if netflix can air it man we can look i'm not saying here's what i say i'm gonna say
00:35:12.520
loud and clear right now i vote no on pedophilia me too 100 i hate it hate it
00:35:18.260
yeah everybody and i don't care if the person is black or white nobody should get molested man
00:35:24.920
what is this surge material yeah cuties it's a show about 13 year old kids like showing their
00:35:32.160
you know booties and everything did they cancel it i don't know just uh a lot of people are canceling
00:35:37.380
their netflix subscriptions to protest oh my god i think people are so crazy yeah but it's also it's
00:35:43.140
it there does you know what with all technology going back to what you're saying there's a spot
00:35:48.120
where you're like okay does this stuff have any of my best interest in it like even if you watch the
00:35:55.600
um i saw this documentary last night for about 20 minutes it's about uh the people it's basically
00:36:03.500
like five jewish guys that made tiktok and facebook like button um it's like programmers or something
00:36:11.860
right yeah and and just about the dilemma that they're all facing in dealing with is this ethical
00:36:18.760
or not yeah dude i just before i was telling you about that documentary so social dilemma that's what
00:36:23.860
you saw oh social dilemma yeah my bad so you fucking saw it i saw 20 minutes of it dude i didn't
0.98
00:36:31.740
why didn't you just say that i'm explaining to you what the fuck it is and then you're like and
0.98
00:36:38.400
then you were like before yes say it man or have nick bring up a picture what do you think nick's here
0.97
00:36:42.980
for yeah but you didn't know what it was called no i didn't and i did oh my bad did you so you did
0.98
00:36:51.100
know oh this i'll tell you this bro oh yeah yeah last time i come to this fucking birthday party
0.99
00:36:56.260
yeah well i get attacked bro so let me let me just tell you about kingdom i was fucking bringing
0.99
00:37:02.240
it up before right and i just now remembered it okay don't get angry but bro i've been watching a
0.70
00:37:10.600
show on netflix it's a korean show it's called kingdom bro and you gotta watch it dude okay it's
00:37:17.240
about fucking korean zombies back in the day no way yeah dude and it's in its second season now okay
0.90
00:37:24.060
yeah and dude bro korean zombies they can run far cozos they call them oh cozos yeah cozos dude
0.98
00:37:33.860
do you like watching did you like watch game of thrones anything like that yeah i'm on the fourth
00:37:37.920
season right now yeah you're really watching it yeah do you like it it's good yeah i love it but
00:37:42.260
why the fuck did you wait so long to watch that that's crazy i kind of hold out with a lot of stuff
0.79
00:37:46.720
i'm on the first season in the office that is finished
0.99
00:37:48.700
dude just two years ago i watched uh serpico no uh cocaine what's that thing
00:37:56.280
no no no you feel scarface scarface you just saw scarface oh well i mean it must be exciting for you
00:38:04.280
that's the thing i don't everybody sees it and then everybody's seen it you can never read you can
00:38:08.400
never see it for the first time again fucktard scarface came out in the 70s yeah you wait 30
0.99
00:38:14.560
years 40 years and it was good oh wow god it was so now you now you had never seen game of thrones
0.94
00:38:20.480
and you you were probably one of those like i refuse to watch it yep it was like a cell phone to me
00:38:24.940
yeah right right i'm a cell phone denier bro yeah yeah so now that you watch it you're going
00:38:30.920
do you like it let's rock baby yeah i'll say this it's good i think a lot of it is not uh
00:38:37.620
it's not historically accurate that's the part that i have yeah and there's also no black people
0.99
00:38:44.700
in it you know what i'm saying if you want to up the ante throw a couple sisters in that bitch you
1.00
00:38:48.920
feel me yeah they stayed fucking white heavy throughout that thing no there are later i think
0.99
00:38:53.920
there are yeah there are well we need to get to it the inceli or whatever i think they're
0.94
00:38:59.200
yeah that's true it gets a little dark in the desert yeah in the desert yeah yeah but kingdom is like
00:39:05.040
that so kingdom has that vibe to it but instead of like dragons and shit there's zombies but it's
00:39:11.280
got like you know internal like strife within like you know the hierarchy of the kingdom and the and
00:39:16.620
sabotage and all this stuff but dude it's like you what will you just do me a favor it's on netflix
00:39:22.800
just watch the first in the beginning it's a little boring because it sets things up but the end of the
00:39:27.380
episode there's some cool shit that goes on if you like zombies and stuff but anyone watching this
0.97
00:39:32.580
podcast right now i really recommend it i saw the first season it's pretty good i like korean shit
0.81
00:39:37.820
you know i mean yeah and there's another korean um zombie movie called hashtag alive that i liked as
00:39:43.860
well what about life of hachi have you seen that bring that up hachi what's the life of hachi no it's
00:39:51.820
just called hachi it's a korean movie about a little animal there you go wait wait yeah that's the okay
00:40:00.100
first of all first of all okay a dog no no no wait wait wait wait wait hold on all right you just said
0.99
00:40:09.080
that it was a korean movie about an animal right i look on the fucking poster it's fucking richard
0.99
00:40:16.480
gear bro yeah he ain't korean and two other white ladies yeah but still i bet he's banged a lot of
0.99
00:40:23.860
korean chicks in his day you feel me i know but you think the dog's korean because his name is hachi
0.85
00:40:28.840
yes it is hachiko hachiko it's known in japanese yeah yeah japanese that's not okay chicken hachiko
00:40:34.680
dude but you have to understand man coming from look i know that we are evolving i know that diversity
00:40:42.040
is the new mustard right i get all that but what i'm telling you is
00:40:47.220
i would say seven out of nine people if they meet an asian person think that they are
00:40:57.320
chinese or japanese and the other ones it's just y'all gotta get stronger reps out there i think before
00:41:07.160
you start to take some of that freaking name share yeah well i think but can i just defend that
00:41:13.060
yeah um please do yeah i will because what you just said was cray cray yeah okay we live now in a
00:41:21.860
because of the internet i think people are just more prone to know about that like other sects or
00:41:28.860
denominations of asians right it's like you know what a mong is how do you know it i know the
0.99
00:41:37.140
mong because um you saw the movie gran turismo whatever that movie was no i met somebody that
0.99
00:41:42.700
was humong it's humong humong yeah i met them too and then i didn't even know what the fuck they were
0.98
00:41:48.280
and had to google that shit but i only know you're korean because you reminded me the first 20 times
0.98
00:41:52.540
that i thought you weren't korean yeah because you kept saying like chinese and what you just said
0.99
00:41:57.040
that hachi it's like the bullshit you just didn't just now you like you know you've seen this korean
0.99
00:42:01.540
movie hachi and i look at the dog and it's obviously a japanese dog and so you you were like one of the
0.99
00:42:07.120
those white dudes when i first met you right you would go what's up china china my chinese friend
00:42:11.780
yeah out loud right yeah or you go hey boy what's up chop boy hey man get you know let's why don't
00:42:18.440
you i have a rickshaw what's up let me get back there i was like i don't we don't do that come and
00:42:23.560
touch my wet market i'm pop yeah yeah so i had to keep reminding you for like the first five years
00:42:29.720
i know knew you that i was korean but it's like there is you know a very big difference between
00:42:35.540
all of them don't you think yes i do but imagine this imagine you're in uh let's say uh you're in
00:42:44.580
new jersey right and you keep yelling at somebody uh or say you go to new jersey right and you tell
00:42:54.220
somebody there oh you're from new york and they're like no i'm from new jersey and they're like well
00:42:58.260
what but what about me i'm from new york and like that's fine but i just people from new york and
0.94
00:43:04.500
new jersey they speak the same language yeah but it's still they speak the fucking same language dude
0.97
00:43:09.700
what are you fucking talking about it's like saying this uh you know what's a better
0.99
00:43:13.280
it's like it's like saying um um someone from um denmark and someone from belgium
0.99
00:43:19.940
maybe that's a better thing okay if you look at someone from denmark and belgium
00:43:23.860
i probably wouldn't be able to say that you know the difference yeah right because they're similar
00:43:27.980
white people right but they have different languages and different culture like one makes
1.00
00:43:33.040
chocolate the other one like likes you know i mean free marijuana or whatever you know i mean so my
00:43:37.020
point is is that you're right that's it but for someone from new jersey and for someone from new
0.82
00:43:41.300
york isn't a good fucking analogy okay god my bad man they speak the same language but i'm just saying
0.87
00:43:47.860
imagine being like so upset at a mall because one guy's from tennessee and one guy's from north
0.99
00:43:53.080
carolina i know but i i think what you don't realize is that when you get that shit every day
0.97
00:43:58.820
though you mean every day you wake up i call me the n-word the other day i i don't but i know but
0.98
00:44:06.020
as since i was a kid every single day you either have to go someone will come up to you go what are
00:44:12.620
you you go i'm a human being no i mean like you know i mean that right yeah or the next day like
0.96
00:44:18.840
hey chinese man chinese man yeah you know i mean make me a fucking hello kitty doll yeah yeah make
1.00
00:44:24.920
me a railroad make that right make me a railroad or whatever and then the next day you know
0.98
00:44:29.360
something else happens you know i mean someone will just go yeah right and then it's like
00:44:33.740
every day you get that right how'd you get into town the river you know right right right right or
00:44:40.000
then you see and then you know with the worst videos is when i see you know on youtube i saw this
00:44:45.260
one that this guy was interviewing um these girls in vegas these little girls like you know 20 some
1.00
00:44:51.380
and like would you ever date an asian man and they were they were all oh gross no way that's the last
1.00
00:44:58.860
fucking person we would we would make out with right and then you're watching that as you know you're
0.98
00:45:03.620
watching that you know you click you click on it and you watch it and you go oh man you know i mean
0.99
00:45:08.660
it just feels bad bro you know i could see that it's like being poor kind of but it's like
00:45:14.680
i've had girls look at me right and go you know after we had make out or whatever and that's they
1.00
00:45:22.860
say stuff like i have to be honest you're like what i just never ever ever ever thought that i ever
00:45:32.980
ever ever hook up with an asian guy wow and then you just kind of go you there's a part of you that
00:45:39.740
when you're asian that's a that's like yeah yeah you know i mean like i broke that whatever that
0.95
00:45:44.720
was oh yeah right but then there's a part of me that goes it feels bad you know why bad i was like
00:45:52.580
the conqueror you know you know it feels like you know that i don't like feel like five will go's
00:46:01.200
whap you know yeah but it reminds me of just how difficult it was yeah growing up in this country
00:46:07.260
and just like you know like sadius hawkins i was never asked you know i mean me neither man i never
00:46:13.400
got any girls in high school i had to and i have to say this out loud this is the truth
0.87
00:46:19.240
that i had to find some sort of fame or it's confidence i mean to get out in the market
00:46:26.620
yeah and to get the get the women you know yeah like you'd never had a problem i said no i've seen
0.98
00:46:33.960
photos of you as a young man dude oh my girl you were cute as fuck bro but i but dude i had severe
0.97
00:46:41.340
mental health issues i had dyslexia i had something they called inner dyslexia which came in
0.97
00:46:46.380
you know kind of came through our area um i had they had a fucking i lived with a buddy who had a
0.96
00:46:55.520
fucking uh gas leak in his house for two years really yeah dude you know hard to finish a test
0.88
00:47:02.900
when you're asleep yeah okay yeah like dude and people would call us people would call like i used
0.99
00:47:09.140
to hang out with the black kids people would call me dark heart in heart they would call me the n-word
00:47:13.860
and then say heart after it yeah um they would people would call me uh because my eyes are kind
0.95
00:47:20.520
of slanted in you know all right you have like a you do have look caveman like yep like from the
00:47:26.300
nose up very caveman like there i am right there balling out with a couple of guys where are you
0.98
00:47:30.880
bottom left that's you bro yeah it's me player oh shit they used to call me sugar arms dog
0.98
00:47:39.700
right dude i used to drive i used to ride my bike to school about five miles i'd drive through this
00:47:46.240
town and number 19 would get would get on my bike right and make me drive him he was seven foot seven
00:47:52.600
i gotta look at that photo i don't think that's you oh that's me player that is you yeah look at
0.99
00:47:59.240
those beautiful fucking soft hands dude oh shit and look at the way my arms bear just kind of rest on
1.00
00:48:04.920
my leg yeah so you grew up with like a lot of diversity and stuff i mean i grew up with at
1.00
00:48:09.440
least these six guys yeah that's a lot bro these guys were men these guys were grown man i grew up
00:48:17.180
with number 14 ran an auto body shop dude how old is that guy that guy looks 42 there oh that's don
00:48:24.560
galatas bro do you know him you know him bro i knew him for years and he never said one word to me he's
00:48:29.840
probably 31 years old yeah yeah and then he started family matters yeah yeah yeah yeah he
00:48:36.120
always dressed up like uncle carl dude like carl winslow you probably didn't know the guy in back
00:48:40.060
of you the white dude that looked that guy looks crazy oh i know that guy but he couldn't see very
00:48:43.600
well he had to wear those really thick shades you know yeah i've never seen eye rolls like that
00:48:47.500
before in my life oh that guy definitely he would do it all man yeah did you really know him or no
00:48:51.740
yeah matthew shin a very beautiful fellow you're a skinny dude he's a man of christ yeah man i can't be
00:48:57.740
you i don't think that's you bro dog i don't think that's not you bro i don't think it is either
00:49:03.620
but anyway number 19 bro would get onto my bicycle right yeah yeah and when he would see me coming he
00:49:08.680
would say here comes the he would say the n-word bus he would say here comes the n-word bus oh really
00:49:13.640
and as many black kids as they wanted to would get onto my bike and make me bike them to school
0.99
00:49:19.080
like the little engine that could wow yeah and i would roll up with like six black guys on my bicycle
0.67
00:49:25.540
and all i was trying to do was get to school literally it would be an extra seven probably 800
00:49:30.540
pounds of young man going at going into fifth to sixth grade wow and my legs got jacked bro
00:49:36.800
i could dunk at one point well you could dunk yep at one point do you know you know i've never made a
00:49:43.400
basket i knew that yeah i've never made a basket no i i've never that's the truth i but hold on
00:49:52.620
what kind of basket are we talking about because there's no way our asian audience is believing
00:49:58.320
that you've never made a basket no i've no i've made baskets like for the river and stuff to put
00:50:03.620
fish on you're right but i've never taken a basketball and thrown it i don't know what that
00:50:08.100
feels like to stick that ball into the hole in the hoop yeah i've thrown probably 10 000 in my life
00:50:15.700
i've never made one damn yeah i can't reach it i think i tried to get a ladder once to do it and
00:50:21.560
cheat you know i mean but like yeah yeah but i've never made a basket i've made um yeah i've never
00:50:28.560
done it damn yeah i could see i couldn't see you doing it actually yeah yeah well you have some like
00:50:37.260
jeremy lin that could yeah yaoming obviously could do it you know i mean but i just never did it's just
0.95
00:50:42.240
not my sport i've never even i can barely i've only bounced it twice yeah like i can go one two and
00:50:47.940
then i'll just lose traction right it'll just it'll pop up in the sky yeah it's not i mean i feel like
00:50:53.520
it's uh it's more of a learned environment now here's a guy right here got banned for life from
00:50:59.700
chinese basketball association he put out uh here there he put out on his ig story uh chinese women
00:51:08.700
got cakes on the low might switch up my stance soon lol yolo i guess and here he is uh bending some
00:51:18.120
woman over some uh some professional lady whoa whoa whoa so he would he's in china plays basketball
0.99
00:51:26.600
there right can't make the nba anymore what used to be in the nba but now he's older so he's playing in
00:51:31.880
china so he's now he's playing in china and now he's getting some you know chinese boom tang and
00:51:38.260
he's bragging about it and he got banned from it yeah i guess what now what did they think that he
00:51:42.200
was being disrespectful to chinese women see that's what i'm talking about you disrespectful to women
0.98
00:51:48.160
pot out son yeah imagine if they did that in america oh everyone would be banned right i mean
0.99
00:51:55.940
every video is like that right it's it's what's fucked about that is is that like dude hey chinese
0.98
00:52:01.980
government whoever fucking did that right it's a cultural thing dude it's not like he's like
0.96
00:52:06.180
it's either he paid for her right or that's his woman on the slide who knows right yeah but it's
0.99
00:52:11.580
like he can fucking do that i'm not saying he can't but in china he can't yeah the chinese are weird
1.00
00:52:17.540
china don't play any games they don't play any games dude when i went to shanghai man they
0.99
00:52:22.120
they're not playing any games oh yeah you did go to asia yeah i went there and did some shows man
00:52:27.920
i did shop perform for the asians man wait no you did a show for the military bases not asian people
00:52:32.980
no this was a this was people right no be real yeah you did how was a lot of expats but there was
00:52:38.320
also some asians i remember a couple at one of the shows some women came out trying to be wives
00:52:42.460
wanted to be wife yeah oh dude i want to say this so i was on instagram maybe a month ago and this
00:52:49.720
pretty hot chick right kept text like not direct message because i'm not i don't follow her but it's
00:52:56.560
like she was messaging me hey does theo respond to his um messages direct messages and i didn't
0.96
00:53:05.760
respond but she's pretty hot i looked at her fucking thing and she keeps asking me like how do i get a
1.00
00:53:12.800
hold of theo i really need to get a hold of them with fans look at your eyes what are you doing with
0.99
00:53:19.500
your eyes nothing this is how i look oh that's what i'm saying yeah yeah but i'm just saying dude
0.99
00:53:24.380
like you know i mean now i can see like you mean very attractive women trying to claw into your shit
1.00
00:53:32.120
really well how does she not just look me up and find me then and say hey you know but i but do you
0.99
00:53:38.500
get a lot of like those messages are you getting you don't want to talk about this no no no i'm fine
00:53:42.460
talking about it yeah what do i get i get you just not respond to them or no some i respond to some i
00:53:47.480
don't you know it's definitely riskier these days yeah after it's like you know you just get really
00:53:52.380
scared about somebody sharing like personal communication you know somebody recording your
00:53:57.060
screen even if it's just like hey what's up or anything you know like can i get your number this or
00:54:01.520
that you get scared of uh i get scared of people like sharing that or like screen grabbing it and
00:54:08.160
like um i don't know it just feels like uh you know people are going to use it to mess with you
00:54:15.260
i mean even after what happened with the leah like a lot of the stuff that got shared about him
00:54:20.400
a lot of the stuff that got shared about him none of it was illegal stuff yeah yeah you know and they
00:54:26.360
just people they're like oh what about this 22 year old woman that he was communicating with you're like
00:54:30.920
well that's there's nothing you know it might be a that's you know there's a difference between
0.72
00:54:36.660
being a dog of a man and being a uh yeah pervert or a criminal perv what i have to say about him
0.85
00:54:43.680
because i didn't and i i i don't want to get in trouble you know that's the thing i i've been
0.94
00:54:48.820
pretty silent about you know talking about this yeah me too but i um want to say one thing which i'm
00:54:56.680
trying to gather the words is that i do the allegations are shocking but i do have to say
00:55:05.940
that he's just just personally one of the nicest generous good guys that i've ever met in in the
00:55:17.080
business you know he he's him and his family have only been even you know when i was struggling and
00:55:23.320
stuff the sweetest people and he's he's only been the sweetest guy you know um and um i've not said
00:55:35.700
that out loud and because you know we live in a world where you know you know you get this fear
00:55:43.060
that like am i going to get canceled too or and whatnot but i i've been also thinking about why
00:55:48.820
can't i say that yeah yeah why can't i say you know that you know chris d'Elia is just one of the
00:55:57.360
nicest guys i've ever met personally in my life you know i've never seen him do all the things that
00:56:03.940
you know he's been accused of doing um i don't and i also i'm also you know i'm on the side of
00:56:11.200
always victims you know i feel you know if people have been victimized but that's not what i'm saying
00:56:16.140
right now all i'm saying is is that you know that's the thing that i've been scared to say because i
00:56:24.060
don't want people to think that i'm defending him i'm not i'm just saying that you know that's what i
00:56:30.880
know of him that he's just being a good guy yeah do you have the same experience i mean chris has
00:56:36.780
been super nice to me i mean you know helpful with work i don't you and i you and him are closer
00:56:41.080
yeah because y'all have more of a history together yeah you know yeah uh but it's just so uncomfortable
00:56:48.760
to say that because it's like you know um yeah and it shouldn't be but it all like yeah it shouldn't
00:56:54.040
mean just because we talk about someone that it means like we don't
00:56:58.620
like support somebody that if somebody was taking advantage of it yeah i i don't support
00:57:05.000
the behavior right that's a the behavior if someone's victimized you know i mean i'm not i i'm
0.90
00:57:13.880
on their fucking side that's not what i'm talking about i'm just saying that why can't i say to
0.98
00:57:19.740
you know i mean that he is just my opinion about him you know it's like yeah totally yeah when
0.98
00:57:26.160
people are more than one thing you know like people are like i said before like people are
00:57:31.120
complex creatures right it's like when people like who's that guy huh he's not here live but he is a
00:57:39.520
human and i know i just i want to say add one last thing it's like the same thing as i feel about
00:57:46.700
carlos mencia right and what went what he went through it's like you know i was his opening act
00:57:53.520
when all that shit went down wow really yeah i was what'd you do do you speak up or did you not
0.96
00:57:58.680
no i fucking cut ties and i fucking ran like a guy wow do you feel bad about that now or no you know
0.99
00:58:03.800
there is parts of me that feel bad but at the time right i wasn't you know i was a guy trying to
0.96
00:58:08.980
make a name for myself yeah it's so hard and it's like i was just trying to you know there's a parts
0.65
00:58:15.120
of me that are god i hate talking about shit like this but there's parts of me that's you know
0.82
00:58:20.020
opportunistic i guess you know i you know i had spent you know how hard it is in the beginning
0.95
00:58:26.560
so i had spent so much time like working on this thing and i just had this fear that i was going to
00:58:32.760
lose everything so i cut ties it from him and and i read on the internet all these things about him
00:58:39.040
and it is true did he steal jokes yeah you know but does that make him evil no agreed there's he's a
00:58:48.780
good dad you know he he's a lot of things i would have i would have never made it without him he's done
0.95
00:58:55.740
so many generous things for me and it's like would i say that shit around you know rogan or no i don't i
0.97
00:59:03.660
keep you know i we that shit doesn't even come up because i know how certain people feel about him
0.96
00:59:08.340
you know i mean but you know um people are complex creatures you know and it's like yeah we and and
0.92
00:59:15.420
somehow like it seems a lot of times like the media just can say that this person is only one thing and
00:59:20.340
then we their label is that and then and then that's the only thing that they are and it's like it's
0.70
00:59:26.820
just so tacky like i think one thing scary it's scary fucking scary dude it's scary true but it's
0.97
00:59:34.160
also tacky it's like in a time when we're supposed to be like recognizing that you know people have
0.50
00:59:41.580
depth and that people are not just one thing they're not just the uh the color of their skin
00:59:46.700
or just their behavior or just this certain one thing you know that everybody has a redemption
00:59:51.300
you know like it's just yeah also it's like movies that i like are redemption movies right
00:59:57.520
people that made mistakes right and then they are able to at the end of the movie right you know
01:00:02.820
make amends and and to change and to learn that's what life is about is to grow and make mistakes fall
01:00:11.260
learn right and adjust or whatever yeah right but in we live in a society now is you make one mistake
1.00
01:00:17.700
mistake or a series of mistakes you're out forever you're done fuck you and it's crazy because we
0.99
01:00:25.320
all make we've all we are all oh my god i made so many mistakes so many made you know i know this is
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a comedy podcast don't make them right but this is like we i think just there's certain times
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where we have to be real sometimes we are yeah you know sometimes you have to be real and it's like
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you know especially i'm so tired of this pandemic shit like i'm not living a life look there's never
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podcast take care of it today's episode is brought to you by better help better help you know it's
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you know while i was just talking to a friend the other day he said hey theo you know i think about
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i've gotten help for myself and i still continue to go to better help.com slash t-h-e-o and now back to
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the episode i just realized last night i'm not living a life i'm not out doing shit you gotta go to
0.89
01:05:05.960
nashville man it's totally there's no pandemic there really yeah i mean so you go out and just
0.88
01:05:13.200
go to the gym you can go do whatever you want man do you wear a mask it's awesome i wear a mask like
01:05:17.860
when i like walk into a gas station you know so that lady doesn't get mad but yeah yeah yeah but
1.00
01:05:24.440
i also i thought i noticed about a month ago i started feeling like are we all just pretend i
01:05:29.700
started getting this weird feeling like oh we're pretending like there's definitely really something
01:05:34.080
out there but it's just not as dangerous as we thought um yeah i mean because you know how i'm
01:05:40.120
mindful right oh yeah right but then i found i discovered somebody that was even more crazy
01:05:45.880
you know not crazy but you know i invited somebody it's not crazy but i invited somebody to do my
01:05:51.560
podcast you know i have in guests like this oh yeah yeah but i have a plexiglass up you know i mean
01:05:56.560
i was the first guest back in the garage right right and you wear you have to wear a mask when you
01:06:00.080
walk in but then when we shoot we're 10 feet apart you can take your mask off we give you water or
01:06:06.060
sanitize the whole thing right somebody i asked to do my podcast and and this person goes nah
01:06:12.380
zoom or nothing damn right and i'm like you know michael creighton said that to us dude
01:06:18.440
like really yeah yeah we told him to take a walk yes zoom or nothing it's like no i wanted to tell
0.89
01:06:24.600
this person like no dude we're just as fucking paranoid as you are but they're like now that
0.99
01:06:31.200
extreme so you just don't know where people stand with this shit man but it's getting to the point
0.99
01:06:36.340
where you know like have you done stand-up yeah i just got back up where in nashville you did
0.99
01:06:45.720
three sets yeah you did zanies yeah just 10 minutes that's dude the first one was so hard
01:06:50.360
oh it was i literally got out there and uh and backstage i'll be like oh you're gonna be
01:06:59.180
finding my head i'm like no i'm not yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah and i always listen to my head
01:07:05.080
unfortunately and so so i'm up there and man it was scary man i like did a little it was almost like i
01:07:11.800
just did little reenactments of whoever i like whatever my act used to be right right right because
01:07:16.960
nothing has been super funny to me really so it's like it's not like i've been practicing new materials
01:07:21.380
like people are even working on new shit and it's like where you know like yeah the only thing that
0.91
01:07:26.040
happened was a black guy called me the freaking n-word yeah yeah yeah did you now when you did it did
0.98
01:07:31.100
you do all the jokes you used to do yeah yeah i got threw in one new joke uh or one thing that i
0.87
01:07:36.460
thought was funny i mentioned right and it did well but otherwise i'm just kind of working on the old
01:07:41.180
stuff because it's almost like i just need to pick back up where i left off yeah i was thinking
01:07:44.460
about doing like thinking what it would be like to just stand up and i panicked because number one
01:07:48.920
i couldn't remember fully how to say any joke right like because you it's all about before i used to do
01:07:56.420
it in repetition totally there but i haven't done it in so long and also how would i even i was like
01:08:03.980
practicing in the mirror like hey what's up you know good to be here you know what's going on and
01:08:10.400
then nothing else came out yeah was that like that oh it's definitely scary and at about three
01:08:15.200
and a half minutes i said hey this is too nerve-wracking for me i'm gonna get down
01:08:18.320
no really yeah and what did the audience laugh yeah they were just like no but did you get out
01:08:24.560
down yeah i got that oh you just bailed in the middle of the set yeah yeah well there was no
01:08:28.740
time limit on the set the guy was waiting right by the door yeah yeah so uh and oh my god that must
01:08:35.560
have been so i it was uncomfortable was it like now the audience was at capacity it was 150 people
01:08:41.300
they're at half capacity half capacity so the i have my own show actually this wednesday night in 48
01:08:45.980
hours and so i'm in in nashville oh you're going back yep so i'm gonna practice uh over the next two
01:08:51.880
days and watch mold said and and you're gonna do 45 minutes yeah oh it's scary though but now i went
01:08:58.360
back two more time and did other and did uh a couple stories yeah and so it got better oh it did
01:09:04.480
it got better but there's still a lot of freaking rust uh for this first show yeah because i keep
01:09:10.580
getting invited to do like hey you want to do huntington beach yeah right and i just like hey
01:09:14.680
want to come perform in this abandoned creighton barrel yeah yeah yeah yeah or like even like i've
01:09:21.560
had friends go you know i'm doing a show at my house yeah for the who your uncle no i'm not doing
01:09:27.360
it right have you been invited to those weird shows oh ari manis invites me all the time he's like hey
01:09:32.240
you want to come over to my apartment and see who uh files a molestation charge against him the next
01:09:36.260
day and it's like no and he changes the name every time it's like his burrito bash he's like we're
01:09:42.740
having free burritos somebody stole my snake last time yeah i just need it i just need it oh god you
01:09:49.080
need the real environment bobby and that was one thing that was nice was going to a club it was
01:09:53.820
like i'm not doing this in the back of a toyota tundra you know yeah yeah i'm not doing this in an
01:09:59.040
abandoned washing machine about it makes me fucking sweat now bro it was nerve-wracking yeah because
0.93
01:10:05.020
we're storytellers yeah i'm not a topical i'm not like a guy who every week gets up and has like
0.83
01:10:10.720
oh here's seven new jokes no we do evergreen jokes right right we do evergreen jokes that like you can
01:10:16.160
tell you know five years from now that's what i do yeah right now i'm gonna when i go off with a
01:10:22.240
new tour i'll have mostly new stuff but right now i got i just gotta keep i gotta you know but like
01:10:28.460
you have to you know call the elephant in the room right you have to you can't just go up there and go
01:10:34.900
anyway man i had a rough childhood man my dad was crazy he had a funny accent you know you you have to
01:10:40.820
talk about the pandemic and what's going on in the world right i don't know yeah you can't just go
01:10:46.860
up on stage and go like what's up everybody playing it's crazy man my relationship right man you know
0.99
01:10:53.320
don't you hate it when women do this and men do that you know i mean black people's butts are higher
1.00
01:10:58.280
up than white people's butts you know i mean when they do that kind of joke you know i mean yeah i guess
0.99
01:11:03.940
that's true yeah you have to go man at least one line referring to okay you have to say one line
0.99
01:11:11.140
referring to what's going on why why yeah i think you could say yeah happy pandemic or like uh or maybe
01:11:17.500
do a cough and go oh i'm sorry i'm just coughing yeah i don't know or peter pandemic is that a new
01:11:22.480
cartoon yet i feel like yeah um man i'm just like sweating now but just even thinking about it
01:11:30.020
but dude yeah we shouldn't not be able we shouldn't be afraid to speak about our friends
01:11:34.180
or people or even like people that have struggled or suffered or like or you know like anybody we
01:11:40.120
shouldn't be afraid to think to be able to speak out loud about things you know yeah it's i i don't
01:11:45.840
know what i don't know you know i don't know i really you know what what's offensive about it is
01:11:51.340
that you know people thinking that i do know like you know first of all you i here's what i want to
01:11:59.140
say this is the truth all right i don't hang out with you you yeah like i don't in my mind you do
01:12:07.780
no no no but we don't we have two pictures of you on the wall i know i know now i have fond
01:12:13.740
feelings for you my ex-girlfriend has a picture of you and me on her wall no really yeah yeah i have
01:12:18.940
fond feelings for you and if you died bro it would be devastating yeah but like i don't see you
01:12:27.040
right we talk we talk every other week right and they're really quick like did you get that
01:12:34.780
yeah no send it that's pretty much something right yeah what you do your text i go what yeah
01:12:43.440
how is it how is it are you alive yeah right that's the interaction with if we talk on the phone which
01:12:49.820
is rare like even for this you're gonna do monday yeah bye yeah you know it's like i don't so you
01:12:57.660
know for people to think that it's almost like spy yeah yeah for people to think that i know what's
01:13:02.340
going on in people's personal lives it's insane i don't know who you're seeing i don't know where
01:13:06.980
you're going i don't know where you've been you know i don't know who you're talking to i don't
0.95
01:13:12.840
nothing about you yeah so people if tomorrow the fucking cnn or somebody said theo vaughn's
0.98
01:13:19.920
collecting rats again for fucking puppets you'd be like oh wow yeah i'd be like i didn't know that
0.97
01:13:25.980
about him yeah all right yeah there's yeah there's like yeah like i've never been over to like delia's
0.98
01:13:31.740
house you know yeah i love chris i think that he's one of the best comedians i think he's one of
01:13:37.200
the funniest guys yeah of our time yeah yeah but i'd never been he's lived in three houses
01:13:42.760
he's so intrinsically funny i have been to been to his latest house yeah i went to one of his
01:13:47.840
houses and i had a pool he had a pool party yeah and i waited in his pool and like i didn't get
01:13:53.640
invited to that so that's kind of where he and i like yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah i was only invited
01:13:58.980
one time yeah and then i like left and he goes why'd you leave i go i don't like cheetos or whatever
01:14:03.960
and he's like that's all we have you know i mean and then i like he never invited me again yeah i
01:14:08.660
went to dane cook's house one time me too and he bought me a sandwich you did he did yeah he had
01:14:13.600
some weird like party where it was like me him mark maron by swimming pool just y'all three yeah i was
0.98
01:14:20.320
like i don't like this yeah it's this is not fun at all imagine being in a fucking pool party with
0.98
01:14:26.000
mark maron and dane cook yeah yeah it's just like i love that you see shia la booth the other night
0.91
01:14:30.860
on this thing yeah so funny dane was in that what didn't didn't dane do it dane mc'd it yeah he did
01:14:40.680
do it but it was it was is he the one that like facilitated at all no it couldn't be i don't know
01:14:47.420
did he was this his idea because it was sean penn's charity i know that much but oh it was sean parent
01:14:54.280
penn's the one that came up with it yeah it was for his charity wow that's cool oh so he probably
01:14:59.460
needed a comedian and the only comedian yeah what julie roberts is fine oh dude i would right
01:15:06.740
oh oh yeah yeah dude i would freaking lick skittles okay let me look at let me look at the whole
01:15:12.240
bunch let me look at just scroll down all right so i all right dudes every here's are the people i
01:15:19.360
would hook up with okay and even the dudes i would hook up with who's the top one jennifer aniston
1.00
01:15:27.980
yeah yeah maybe i'd go morgan freeman over her yeah no i would do good morgan they said it would
0.83
01:15:35.080
take a eight they said it would take a man 600 years to get an erection i would right i also would
0.90
01:15:40.860
count all his like freckles oh you know his chocolate spots above like you know that you know that he has
01:15:47.080
the stuff that on silent's face like above his pubes so i would dig through his pubes just to count
01:15:52.200
them oh you're a dart and i would look up and go 82 yeah you know what i mean because i got them all
01:15:57.080
and then i um god who was the next one is fine i would do julia what is wrong with me you would do
0.68
01:16:01.760
brad putt you would do brad pitt huh would you hook up with brad no i would not dude i would hook up
0.99
01:16:05.680
with julia freaking roberts dude and if she ever dies i will buy one of her bones off of fucking
1.00
01:16:10.800
okay because she's stunning bro am i hooking up with any of these freaking bottom leaders john legend
0.99
01:16:18.680
ray liota what are those are those smoking cigarettes are those freckles on morgan's face what are they
0.75
01:16:23.780
huh he got them installed somebody said at a certain point it became like a thing
01:16:27.760
right right and he got those uh yeah he got more spots you know what i would do i would get you know
01:16:34.220
if i was black and i could make my face he's a speckled trout right i would i would get his bumps
01:16:38.560
right but i also i would get seal scar oh right just to be so i can tell a story i like that right
01:16:45.800
and then i would like i'd probably have an eye patch oh yeah yeah yeah and if i was black i would have a
0.99
01:16:52.420
small penis if i could make him so that it would surprise girls yeah they go oh i thought that you
0.99
01:16:58.900
know what i mean i'm like nah not this one dude i yeah you got to get that big lincoln long you got to
0.99
01:17:05.180
get that dark wiener next time is that morgan feet what is that a statue of him he he has uh
0.96
01:17:11.920
dermatosis papillosa negra dpn yeah i don't say negra ever again man don't ever say negra again man
01:17:20.960
yeah dude yeah that's crazy i'm gonna say that kind of stuff on here yeah papillosa negra
01:17:28.860
congratulations thanks because i worry about you you do yeah no you don't i do do you really
01:17:42.660
i just here's the deal dude there's not a lot of us i mean i'm gonna give you a compliment
01:17:52.800
all right can i give you a compliment yeah let's be real yeah um i honestly think that you are um
01:18:00.660
either at my level or even higher up in terms of artistry i would agree with part of that
01:18:09.960
and in comedy like that's how i look up to you i think that you have such an interesting voice
01:18:17.500
you and i might be doing this project together it's pretty big we're not gonna talk about it now
01:18:21.760
but it's a very big deal right and when i found out from these two big people they called me and they
01:18:29.000
go it's you and theo i was just like it there's not in my mind i'm like of course it is right so
01:18:36.940
that being said you know i also worry about you too you know because i want you here with us yeah
01:18:44.720
right and it's like you know you and i slipped around the same time right yeah i didn't really
01:18:51.320
i hadn't even talked about it really because i wanted to get six months before i really talked about
01:18:54.980
it yeah yeah and so you know and then there was a time where i i heard and then you hear rumors
01:19:01.320
dude was on pcp on in nashville he ran through a wall
0.61
01:19:04.800
right you're like what he he peed on a fucking midget or whatever you know and so then like you hear
0.98
01:19:12.020
these stories i installed pvc pipe in a wall that's actually what happened yeah so that's crazy
0.99
01:19:17.640
that's just how it translates so then um and then it's just happy because i don't also you know want
01:19:24.520
to pry into your business yeah right because i i know that i don't know you i don't even know who
01:19:29.480
you're seeing right now yeah as a significant other because i just you know that's your business but
01:19:34.480
you if you want to tell me you'll tell me but um yeah i'm happy to hear that dude you know that you
01:19:40.860
have how do you feel thanks man it was hard man it was hard to get it it was hard to get it i mean i
01:19:48.540
you know like and i just never talk about it that much on that like i you know i've always been in the
01:19:54.200
program so i've never like the most i've ever gone without a meeting is probably a week
01:19:58.120
um but uh but yeah i just i was in in hawaii and they i met this dude at a smoothie shop this
01:20:07.800
shaman and next thing you know i'm using dmt you know at his house dude no are you that real and
01:20:13.700
they ran a child care out of there too dude no are you really you did dmt yeah how was it
01:20:17.980
i mean i'll tell you this man i haven't smoked a cigarette since then which is crazy really
01:20:25.580
so it did work i mean there i would like to say it yeah there's no i have no doubt that it that it
01:20:32.500
that it worked man so then dmt you did the dmt and then that's after that you got sober yeah so
01:20:37.960
then i was just like well uh yeah so then whenever i got back home i just got back into um the rhythm
01:20:44.040
of it yeah well i i had known i felt like a little bit before that i was gonna drink you know i just felt
01:20:49.940
i wasn't really doing my program as much as i should i was going to meetings but not doing it
01:20:54.160
but who and then i went to maui and just had me uh so a couple cocktails man nothing crazy really
01:21:00.840
i didn't do anything crazy i never liked drinking yeah yeah so i had a just some tequila and water and
01:21:06.180
you know over a couple days and then i ran into that man at the smoothie shop his buddy had vitamins
01:21:10.360
vitamin d3 and he hooked me up with a couple of free bottles of vitamins and then he he's like hey
01:21:15.140
you got to meet my buddy and then that dude just does dmt come in a capsule how do you smoke it what
01:21:19.840
is it yeah he had like this kind of um little piece it was kind of a like a peace piper kind of
01:21:27.680
thing uh and yeah you did it dude it was crazy and then what does it do with the feeling here's what
01:21:34.120
happened so basically the whole way i interact with the world is from through my eyes ears okay
01:21:46.320
there was no difference between like me and like a sound or like a color like everything was all just
01:21:54.960
the same thing and a tree i died and then a tree grew straight out of my mouth up straight up into
01:22:01.560
the air as high as the as high as and it wasn't even the air anymore it was just like this traveling
01:22:05.560
this portal into like i don't even know there was no maps it was all a map it was all a map dude it was
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all a sound it was like there's no fucking what the fuck you did there's no maps there's no like all
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01:22:18.820
your senses are just one thing like um like right now i experience the world from me i see i touch i
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01:22:29.380
have a sense of things but suddenly i wasn't the main i could experience everything but as everything
01:22:37.720
suddenly i'm no longer rooted to myself i was just
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part of it all man oh fuck i was part of it all i was a piece of sunshine and i was a
0.99
01:22:48.660
so you had a bucket of sand and i was a spiritual awakening
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01:22:56.280
it definitely was way relaxing in a sense like it took a little bit of pressure off of me
01:23:01.940
yeah i want to do that thing where they do maybe not smoke what's that called acapulco what's it
01:23:06.600
called ayahuasca ayahuasca i want to do the acapulco dude i like i want to do it i was watching a
01:23:11.600
documentary it's called unwell it's like a series and people are like and people are like getting
01:23:17.320
spiritual awakenings from what's it called ayahuasca ayahuasca and um so then i turned to
01:23:23.480
kalilah and i go is that a relapse is that a relapse i mean it counts as a relapse just because
01:23:28.940
but i think it's for me i think it's how people count their own time like i know anybody in the
01:23:33.400
most people in the program would say it's a relapse because i know a dude that has a lot of time
01:23:37.600
and and he he said to me once i did ayahuasca like a year ago but i don't count it as a relapse
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right so i'm like oh shit is that allowed i don't know you know and i look i think all of it comes down to
0.64
01:23:53.620
how people have their own program you know yeah just because i want to i want to be able to like
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do what you just said like see through my eyes and be a part of the tree well i didn't feel like i was
01:24:05.120
using a drug i felt like i was having a experience i want to be a part of the cosmos yeah like i felt
01:24:13.060
like i was using drugs for hey i want to get high i want to change how i feel because you didn't want
01:24:16.500
to probably do it again like oh how do i get more dmt baby you know i mean right it was just like one
01:24:21.540
experience you weren't hooked on it right no i wasn't hooked on it right so it's like i want to
01:24:26.280
take ayahuasca and and and one time and just you know experience it and find but then i'm i'm paranoid
0.74
01:24:35.160
that i'm going to be like a fucking ayahuasca junkie yeah oh yeah you'll be every week yeah living in
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01:24:40.400
the living in the zoo eating fucking leaves when people come by well we'll be taking pictures of
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01:24:44.600
you you'll hold on to them and they'll take a picture of you you know yeah or i'll have like
0.99
01:24:48.060
like peacock hairs on my head and i'll be like a shaman yeah completely naked in the forest with
01:24:52.780
peacock feathers and i'll have like red like mascara on right and i'll be like oh do you put do you put
01:24:58.640
do you put do you and just speaking some weird language and then like you're gonna be like hey
01:25:02.680
you want a podcast i get but do you know i'm you know i'm i'm a bird or whatever i'm your pituitary
01:25:09.180
glad you're gonna trip out yeah so i don't i so i don't know what it's gonna do to me you know but
01:25:17.980
if you're saying that you took dmt and then it was just like chill after that and you it helped you
01:25:22.800
get sober then maybe you know are those gifts off the cigarettes yeah they are it helped me get up
01:25:27.480
i didn't expect it to help me get off cigarettes it just did man can i open them and i'll talk more
01:25:31.600
about it on a regular episode i didn't even really mean to bring it up but no you you brought it up
01:25:36.760
whenever i got it i was on your podcast yeah yeah about bought me gifts yes or did you who
01:25:43.900
bought do you buy them open it i will thank you man i you know no one's got me a gift you're lying
01:25:50.500
kalilah obviously my niece and um you know what is her mom i love her mom but you know what she got me
01:25:57.520
i'm not complaining every gift is a good blanket no she made me rice krispie treats oh but come on
01:26:04.280
yeah you don't do you say thank you i mean 10 years ago that was funny yeah yeah yeah and then
01:26:12.660
gilbert the guys i work with on pocket they gave me a video game chair oh that's pretty cool those
01:26:17.920
are dope man oh dude dope bro this says it's cool huh dude this is dude i love this is a medium
01:26:33.340
yeah let me see i don't know thank you so much it'll fit yeah yeah they i do this collider one of
01:26:40.720
one of these remember i told you uh-uh yeah this is from what from the uh what you said from bobby
01:26:50.700
but yeah man i figured you would like that and i knew you wanted something to sleep in at night
01:26:57.340
instead of something to keep you warm all this available at theovonstore.com dude this is cool
01:27:03.720
wrecking the wrecking oh my god thank you so much can you show the camera can you show the camera yeah
0.99
01:27:10.400
yeah so i just got dude only hope to be i'm gonna be wearing this shit dude oh yeah i am gonna be
0.99
01:27:15.520
wearing this shit this says uh sexy in that and again that's theovonstore.com theovonstore.com
0.99
01:27:21.760
the rat king dope as fuck and you can make that a dress if you want to put it as a belt too this is
1.00
01:27:26.320
dope as fuck dude all right that's a holiday piece thank you so much man appreciate it you're
0.99
01:27:31.520
welcome man thanks for coming on dude yeah i'm excited about our project man it'd be crazy if it
0.97
01:27:35.760
works out i don't know if we can can we i mean we have to be creative and
01:27:42.560
because i'm going to be honest with you can you cut you cut things out maybe we'll talk about it
01:27:51.280
i'll be honest with you when they contact me i thought it was a prank you did i don't even know
01:27:58.080
you don't even know what it is no oh he doesn't what nick does not know oh he doesn't i mean i
01:28:03.200
didn't keep it from him for any reason i just i don't uh just never well let's just talk about
01:28:07.040
it and then if you want to cut it out cut it out okay how long have we done gone so far
01:28:10.560
hour and a half that's good yeah is that is how it goes i was i'll just be honest with i was a
01:28:15.920
little low energy i'm so sorry is that i i had a blast that was fun yeah i thought it was a lot
01:28:20.240
of fun man i'm just really because i in my head i'm getting paranoid in my head like that you know
01:28:24.480
because i'm trying not to repeat stories yeah yeah oh yeah all of us do man it's all it's so hard
01:28:30.160
that like so i'm like you can't say that because you already said that this date so it's like it's a
01:28:35.120
very difficult thing that's where i'm at right now with podcasting it's like it gets tough man it
01:28:39.200
gets so hard i talk so much that i don't even know what to say anymore yeah so coming here i
01:28:45.920
felt bad because it was like i don't want to let my friend theo down but i just was like you know i
01:28:50.320
want to be able to deliver because you know what sucks about it too is whenever him and i do it
01:28:54.000
together people on the online thinks that we're the best together so it's like i feel the pressure of
01:28:58.960
it too right so it's not it's now not fun i'm a fan and i enjoyed this one so yeah okay but oh so
01:29:06.720
anyway we get a call i got a call from jay and mark duplass you know who they are uh puffy chair or
01:29:14.480
whatever yeah yeah they did uh the documentary of the indian people out in mexico no but they also
01:29:22.560
did um that one with the um they've done a lot of shows yeah yeah they're huge
01:29:29.440
yeah so they reached out about us doing a and so they they have a deal at spotify and they want to um
01:29:35.200
um and that their first comedy they want to put out is a um a podcast with me and theo but it's um
01:29:45.120
scripted and um and being the family yeah we're family we're brothers in it yeah and i'm the asian
01:29:54.960
yeah yeah and and when they pitched me the idea i was like okay i'm i'm in it wasn't just them but
01:30:00.960
because i'm a huge fan of them but it's like i think that you know um it's new territory dude
01:30:08.160
yeah it would be fun i mean it would be interesting it would be fun um
01:30:13.840
yeah i'm liking it working on some of the script stuff now and yeah it's cool maybe i should get
01:30:17.840
more involved when are you gonna move i just got back from nashville yesterday i've been there for
01:30:22.880
three weeks so you already moved no no i mean i'm just there kind of there's nothing to do here
01:30:29.440
i mean you know there's time to spend with you there's time to spend with brendan there's time
01:30:32.800
to do podcasting you know i can't go to the gym at least i can go there and women will beat me you
1.00
01:30:39.120
know yeah yeah as i just came back to celebrate your birthday and spend time with you man
01:30:47.360
that's uncomfortable but are you gonna physically move there uh i don't know
01:30:51.840
you know i definitely would like to have work be based out of there i think um you know we're
01:30:58.240
managing it right now and trying to figure it out but how are you gonna get guests and stuff it's a
01:31:02.320
lot of interesting people there ah one interesting thing is uh david arquette came here for the
01:31:08.720
podcast he lives in nashville oh he does yeah which is crazy so it's like we could have done it there
01:31:14.320
well i know steve burns moving out there um johnny galecki lives there yeah a lot of people
01:31:21.360
about that kid rock um dave ramsey dave ramsey wow um but there's probably tons of people that live
01:31:29.520
there you know yeah and and also just regular people like we're getting a female trucker to come on next
1.00
01:31:34.720
week oh that's um we got a young fella right now an asian guy side kicking in there with us
01:31:40.000
really on the new episode you want to show him a little clip of old boy yeah let me see
01:31:44.160
now do you go out there nick came uh i have yes i helped him set up the studio it was awesome
01:31:51.120
and like he said it's uh pretty normal colin can you text me that video
01:31:57.120
oh i found it and you might recognize him young fellow
01:32:05.200
you have a lot of body hair riley i don't i would have guessed that man honestly
01:32:11.920
really yeah do you have any birth defects or anything like that um i mean i'm a musician
01:32:17.680
like i said but no when you were born were you missing anything to give any birth defects
01:32:27.040
in in indiana are you good at charades no not at all you know i always wanted to smoke
01:32:33.440
crack have you had a high drug experience riley i've not i mean you know i'm a christian eagle
01:32:38.720
scout so i'm like the most innocent guy that you will probably ever meet you know in bali they have
01:32:44.080
so many monkeys that a lot of them have gone into bad ones they put them into detention centers you
01:32:47.600
support that kind of thing yeah i support all monkeys whether they're bad or not because asians
1.00
01:32:52.640
you can't i mean you take a razor to an asian you'll barely end up with a damn sideburn on the ground
0.97
01:32:56.640
they're not they're not hairy people are they are the yokozunas hairy i don't think so
1.00
01:33:02.000
yeah they don't they he doesn't have information he's just a guest look that up man he's a sidekick
01:33:10.720
man he's your sidekick why do you need an asian sidekick i'm employing you guys man you know what
0.68
01:33:16.960
i'm saying yeah he's poly bro yeah yeah he's poly man he's from the islands you know come i mean
01:33:24.240
maybe i'll go out there you know well do you ever go to zany's or not i have one time i went there
01:33:28.720
once and three people showed up my show what bro yes when was all this every time you reference a
01:33:34.480
show yeah nobody was there it was so bad where if you went anywhere in america a million people
01:33:41.360
would come out i wouldn't ask them in fact they called me like because santino was there before
01:33:46.640
the pandemic and santino's like dude they want you here i'm with the owner or whatever and i go dude i
01:33:53.360
sold three tickets last time and then she got on the phone and she goes oh that was our bad um you
01:33:58.880
know but i think it'd be different now babe this is before i went podcasting okay so if i went now
01:34:04.880
i would i think when does it end man what do you think the next step is
01:34:14.880
really thank you so much for having me on man i'm a little i was a little low energy today but
01:34:19.440
i did the best i could i you know i'm a friend to you yeah dude we're friends bro yeah i friends
01:34:27.120
you and we together dude what if we were brothers dude i almost wish that this thing that we're working
01:34:36.960
on could be you know i mean i was live action oh like real you know i mean like live action yeah yeah
01:34:45.840
dude and let's yeah we could be brothers we could own a bakery huh yeah so i want to go to um let's
01:34:51.520
see i want to go to let's when it lightens up a little bit i want to go to nashville and visit you
01:34:56.160
yeah i really do do you yeah you would love that i don't want to stay at your house i'll get a hotel
01:35:00.720
yeah yeah yeah i don't want to stay here they have nice hotels there man they're building a soho house
1.00
01:35:04.640
there oh really yeah yeah so i'll go to um so when we know when it like when do you think we're
01:35:10.480
going to have a um vaccine or something whatever i don't know i don't even know who's dying from it
01:35:16.240
i think it's just mostly killing like older people and then i mean nobody wants to say it but it's
0.88
01:35:22.880
killing mostly latinos and blacks you know yeah that's sad so you guys are doing fine oh tuesday
1.00
01:35:29.360
november 3rd oh yeah tuesday november 3rd yeah all right so i'm there so i'll come to nashville okay
0.96
01:35:34.960
because i'll get the vaccine right away okay but thanks for having me on dude thanks for coming
01:35:40.000
happy birthday honestly dude because kalala one of these do you remember i talked i called somebody
01:35:45.600
yeah yeah we got that message man and yeah i just want to let you know that you're always loved here
01:35:51.120
dude we're gonna do these forever dude and if i had a box of love man half of it would be yours
01:35:56.960
my mind is somewhere else but when i find it i'll patch up with here with that little baby sheep
01:36:08.000
now i'm just floating on the breeze and i feel i'm falling like these leaves i must be cornerstone
01:36:18.800
oh but when i reach that ground i'll share this peace of mind i found i can feel it
01:36:25.440
it's in my bones but it's gonna take a little time for me to set that parking brake
01:36:37.120
and let myself unwind and let myself unwind shine that light on me
01:36:43.600
i'll sit and tell you my stories shine on me and i will find a song i will sing it just for you
01:37:05.120
and now i've been moving way too fast on the runaway train with a heavy load of my
01:37:17.760
and these rails that i've been riding on they weren't so thin that they're damn near gone
01:37:27.120
ladies and gentlemen i'm jonathan kite and welcome to kite club a podcast where i'll be sharing thoughts
01:37:32.800
on things like current events stand-up stories and seven ways to pleasure your partner the answer may
01:37:39.040
shock you sometimes i'll interview my friends sometimes i won't and as always i'll be joined
01:37:45.120
by the voices in my head you have three new voice messages a lot of people are talking about kite club
01:37:52.640
i've been talking about kite club for so long longer than anybody else so great
01:37:59.280
here's a deal anyone who doesn't listen to kite club is a dodgy bloody wanker
1.00
01:38:05.840
oh hi i'll take a quarter pounder with cheese and a victory
01:38:12.000
i think tom hanks just butt dialed me anyway first rule of kite club is tell everyone about
01:38:20.560
kite club second rule of kite club is tell everyone about kite club third rule like and
01:38:26.640
subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts or watch us on youtube yeah and yes don't worry