This Past Weekend with Theo Von - E297 Bobby's Belated Birthday Party - Bobby Lee 4

00:00:00.000 And then you hear rumors, Theo was on PCP in Nashville, he ran through a wall, right?

00:00:05.660 You're like, what?

00:00:07.140 And so then you hear these stories.

00:00:09.120 I installed PVC pipe in a wall, that's actually what happened.

00:00:12.820 So that's crazy, that's just how it translates.

00:00:30.000 Follow me, and I will find a song, I've been singing just so long.

00:00:43.840 No, all right.

00:00:46.040 Your attitude's weird.

00:00:48.320 He's passive-aggressive.

00:00:49.580 Happy to have you.

00:00:50.660 Yeah, I'm happy to have you too, but it's like, I just asked for some earphones, I'm on a podcast, but it's okay.

00:00:57.140 Like, that sounded believable, man.

00:00:58.900 You got a tan going, or what?

00:01:00.860 Dude, I was at the beach yesterday, man.

00:01:02.480 Oh, you go to the beach?

00:01:03.620 Huh?

00:01:04.080 Yeah.

00:01:04.420 That's exciting.

00:01:05.200 Do you guys get out there much?

00:01:06.320 No, man.

00:01:07.220 I've been to the beach before in my life, though.

00:01:09.380 Yeah.

00:01:09.820 I'm a beach guy, dude.

00:01:11.060 I grew up in San Diego, bro.

00:01:12.760 Yeah, but that doesn't mean you're a beach guy.

00:01:14.240 Like, do you go to the beach a lot?

00:01:15.340 Dude, look at this.

00:01:16.580 Hang loose, bro.

00:01:17.420 Yeah, but I've never seen pictures of you at the beach before.

00:01:20.180 I know, because I don't have a beach body, bro.

00:01:24.540 Yeah, you do.

00:01:25.160 No, no, no. 1.00

00:01:26.260 I look like baby whale shit. 1.00

00:01:27.820 Yeah, but that's okay. 1.00

00:01:28.820 That's one of my body's shaped like baby whale shit. 1.00

00:01:30.460 There's some dope urchins and stuff out there. 0.99

00:01:33.160 You know, pull up a picture of an urchin if you don't mind, Nick.

00:01:37.360 Because I don't know what it is, and I don't want to be offensive to you.

00:01:39.580 Yeah.

00:01:40.960 Look at that, Bobby.

00:01:42.920 Yeah.

00:01:44.420 Oh, wow.

00:01:45.900 That's definitely you.

00:01:47.080 One time I saw you, I was in the water, in the ocean.

00:01:49.280 I thought I saw Eric Griffin.

00:01:51.200 Yeah?

00:01:51.440 But it was a blobfish.

00:01:52.960 Ooh.

00:01:53.340 I could see that.

00:01:54.160 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:01:54.720 And it was complaining about something?

00:01:55.880 It was complaining about something.

00:01:56.840 It had the glasses and everything, dude.

00:01:59.740 What's going on?

00:02:00.480 Are we even started yet?

00:02:01.440 Mm-hmm.

00:02:01.900 Yeah, we started, I guess.

00:02:03.240 This is how you do it?

00:02:04.400 This is your Bob Day party, man. 1.00

00:02:06.860 Oh, shit. 1.00

00:02:07.440 I didn't even realize you even did that, bro. 1.00

00:02:10.160 Oh, fuck. 1.00

00:02:10.680 I feel so fucking grateful, I think. 1.00

00:02:14.540 I think that's the word to use, man. 0.87

00:02:15.580 Thank you so much.

00:02:16.280 You put Bob up here like this.

00:02:17.580 Mm-hmm. 1.00

00:02:18.320 And then happy birthday shit. 1.00

00:02:20.600 You got a Vons. 1.00

00:02:22.000 We got it somewhere.

00:02:23.220 Yeah.

00:02:23.360 Yeah, a safe way or whatever, you know.

00:02:24.860 It's not homemade.

00:02:26.080 What?

00:02:26.360 It's not homemade.

00:02:26.900 Yeah, yeah.

00:02:27.800 I'm used to homemade birthday stuff, but you know.

00:02:31.060 Dude, are you feeling, have you started to feel, I've been starting to feel older, man.

00:02:35.820 Bro, let me tell you something right now, dude.

00:02:40.000 Yeah? 1.00

00:02:40.420 My penis. 1.00

00:02:41.240 Mm-hmm. 1.00

00:02:41.580 That's how you know. 0.99

00:02:42.820 My penis, dude, it don't work correctly. 1.00

00:02:46.700 Really? 1.00

00:02:48.820 Like, how does it work?

00:02:49.800 Like, if it, like, if when I pee, I have to concentrate.

00:02:54.940 Like, I have to focus.

00:02:55.560 Isn't that like a martial art or something?

00:02:56.620 Isn't that like a?

00:02:57.180 No, no, no, no.

00:02:57.800 I have to.

00:02:58.480 What do you mean?

00:02:58.960 You don't get, like, a white belt with it.

00:03:00.740 No, but I feel like if you concentrate hard enough, you can almost.

00:03:05.820 That's peeing.

00:03:08.640 You can't just pee.

00:03:09.920 I know, but before you would just go, I'm going to pee, and it was just like a natural

00:03:13.560 thing.

00:03:14.060 Oh, yeah.

00:03:14.480 Right?

00:03:14.980 It's like breathing.

00:03:15.840 You just naturally do it.

00:03:17.080 Yeah.

00:03:17.220 But sometimes, like, last night I had to go, I know I have to pee, but it's clogged up. 0.94

00:03:22.900 Maybe it was cum. 0.96

00:03:23.920 Ooh. 0.99

00:03:24.640 Maybe it's clogged up with cum, but it's like. 0.99

00:03:26.500 Ugh. 0.99

00:03:26.800 You already, I heard you the first time you said it.

00:03:28.340 I know. 0.98

00:03:29.260 Because I had jerked off, you know how I jerked off before that? 0.97

00:03:31.900 And it didn't come out, but you still felt it going? 0.98

00:03:33.760 No, the cane came out.

00:03:34.640 Oh. 0.99

00:03:36.740 Thick, pure Korean cum. 1.00

00:03:38.860 Oh. 1.00

00:03:39.540 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:03:40.540 And that's a delicacy, I think, isn't it?

00:03:42.360 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:03:43.160 You know what it looks like?

00:03:44.020 It's like that foam, cappuccino foam.

00:03:46.340 Wow.

00:03:47.480 You know how you get a nice cappuccino?

00:03:48.940 Yeah, that's what it looks like.

00:03:49.580 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 0.95

00:03:50.220 And so I was cumming real good. 0.95

00:03:51.940 Yeah? 0.81

00:03:52.300 And I'm like, ah, you know. 1.00

00:03:53.820 Somebody told me black guys cum has music in it. 1.00

00:03:56.300 Have you heard that right now? 1.00

00:03:57.140 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:04:00.080 Jazz.

00:04:00.860 It's like jazz blues kind of a thing, yeah.

00:04:03.440 It's like Thelonious Monk.

00:04:05.840 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:04:06.540 That's what it is, yeah.

00:04:07.340 It's got a little Leon Bridges in the back.

00:04:09.100 And it's thicker, too, because I've tasted it.

00:04:10.780 It's thicker.

00:04:11.660 But yeah, yeah.

00:04:13.360 It's a thick good stuff. 1.00

00:04:15.360 Well, it was a fat black guy, so maybe fat black guys have thicker cum. 1.00

00:04:19.320 Oh, I'm sure they do, dude. 1.00

00:04:20.780 Even just by looking at them, you know they're not.

00:04:23.180 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:04:23.840 It's got diabetes in it, for sure.

00:04:25.400 Well, they're not.

00:04:26.020 They're definitely throwing a creme brulee, you know.

00:04:28.340 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:04:29.260 A cum brulee, you know. 0.78

00:04:31.300 Exactly. 1.00

00:04:32.780 Anyway, I masturbated last night in the bathtub. 1.00

00:04:35.260 Did you? 1.00

00:04:35.840 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:04:36.400 And was your wife in there with you or no?

00:04:38.500 No, she's sleeping.

00:04:39.560 Okay.

00:04:39.920 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:04:40.640 And she's not my wife. 0.99

00:04:42.320 So I was masturbating in the bathtub, and you know what sucks about masturbating in the bathtub? 0.99

00:04:47.420 It drives me crazy. 1.00

00:04:49.040 You cum, right? 1.00

00:04:49.980 Mm-hmm. 0.99

00:04:50.240 Is this too blue for the show?

00:04:51.640 I think it is, but it's too blue for me.

00:04:53.600 Nick's fine.

00:04:54.260 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:04:54.820 Nick's over there licking his lips.

00:04:56.260 Yeah, right?

00:04:56.520 Nick just put an apron on it.

00:04:57.480 So then I had it in my hand, right?

00:04:58.720 And so what I do is I clean it later.

00:05:01.200 Uh-huh.

00:05:01.560 You know, it's like I'll do it later.

00:05:02.440 You just save it in your hand?

00:05:03.100 No, I don't save it and let dry.

00:05:04.540 No, that's crazy.

00:05:05.660 That's crazy talk.

00:05:06.540 Yeah.

00:05:06.880 No, on the side, I just wipe it on the side.

00:05:09.420 I clean it later.

00:05:10.420 On the side of the tub?

00:05:12.420 Yeah, I clean it later.

00:05:13.980 Right?

00:05:14.160 So I put it on the side of the tub.

00:05:14.920 You've never cleaned anything later.

00:05:18.220 I've been to your house for-

00:05:19.580 Yeah, yeah.

00:05:19.680 You know how people have that big water jug

00:05:21.180 they collect coins in?

00:05:22.300 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:05:22.540 You had one filled with urine.

00:05:24.080 So I did-

00:05:24.580 I go, I'm going to save it later like that, right?

00:05:26.460 Because I like to like relax, but what the worst thing is, is that then I looked at my

00:05:30.720 pee-pee, right?

00:05:31.600 And there's still a couple, you know what I mean?

00:05:34.380 Oh, yeah.

00:05:34.940 Just like, you know, like sea monkeys.

00:05:36.760 Yeah, like people on the roof during Hurricane Katrina. 0.98

00:05:38.620 Or they're on the tip of my penis and they're doing this and I'm like- 0.98

00:05:42.320 Like this car? 0.99

00:05:42.940 Yeah.

00:05:44.960 Yeah, so yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:05:46.440 Like one of those things.

00:05:48.160 That's what it looks like.

00:05:48.840 One of those things that you see at a car dealership.

00:05:51.080 Yeah, yeah.

00:05:51.860 And so I was doing this and then I just let it float.

00:05:54.520 And I'm thinking to myself, do they think it's like the ovary?

00:05:59.120 Like we made it.

00:06:00.380 Oh, do they think you're the ovary?

00:06:01.720 No, the water.

00:06:03.080 Because you're coming inside of water, right?

00:06:05.380 And the sperm must think, right?

00:06:07.900 I could see if I were-

00:06:08.880 We made it.

00:06:09.380 We thought it was going to be a long distance, right?

00:06:12.080 We heard the stories.

00:06:13.820 And here we are.

00:06:14.400 Yeah, and here we are.

00:06:15.640 And they're like, no.

00:06:17.160 No, this is just a tub, man.

00:06:17.720 Yeah, this is a bathtub.

00:06:18.900 Yeah, you lost.

00:06:20.060 Yeah.

00:06:20.560 So then after I do that and then I try to pee.

00:06:22.600 I guess maybe it's just not old age, but it's clogged a little bit.

00:06:27.040 What I don't like is-

00:06:30.180 What do you like?

00:06:31.320 Well, first of all, when I was young, if we ejaculated, my dad made us bury it in the yard.

00:06:35.740 You know?

00:06:36.700 It was like a religious thing, kind of.

00:06:38.840 Because my dad was really religious.

00:06:40.700 What do you mean?

00:06:41.100 So you would dig a hole and then you would come into a hole? 0.91

00:06:44.740 Or if he caught us, if we'd ejaculated onto something or, you know, ejacked onto a cloth 0.95

00:06:50.280 or something or into a little- 0.94

00:06:51.560 Right.

00:06:52.340 You know, something.

00:06:54.600 Maybe my sister had a little thing of cups and cupboards or some little game, you know, 0.98

00:06:58.300 children's game thing or something.

00:07:00.280 Then he would make us-

00:07:01.460 If he busted us, he would make us take it out of the yard and bury it in the backyard.

00:07:05.060 Yeah.

00:07:05.580 What if you buried it and all of a sudden a little Theo-

00:07:07.740 You hear me?

00:07:08.760 Six months later, just a little Theo just came out of the ground.

00:07:11.060 Yeah, look at it.

00:07:11.780 That would have been cool.

00:07:12.360 Used cars.

00:07:12.860 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:07:13.720 Yeah, and then my mom bought a Dodge Neon.

00:07:16.860 She did?

00:07:17.660 She did eventually, man.

00:07:18.760 Yeah.

00:07:19.180 Man, I remember when she got that Neon, bro.

00:07:20.920 We thought we had made it, son.

00:07:23.000 Really?

00:07:23.700 Oh, dude.

00:07:25.120 My mom got that Neon, dude. 0.59

00:07:26.700 My brother and I slept in it.

00:07:27.720 She let us sleep out in it the first night we got it.

00:07:30.360 Yeah?

00:07:31.500 It's a nice-

00:07:31.980 How many cars did you have growing up?

00:07:33.640 Let me see.

00:07:34.100 We had a Volkswagen-

00:07:35.100 We had a station wagon.

00:07:36.600 Yeah.

00:07:36.760 And somebody stole the back door off of it.

00:07:38.720 And then, uh, so then we got a Volkswagen Rabbit, which is like a really small car.

00:07:44.680 I know, yeah.

00:07:45.380 It's a nice-

00:07:45.640 Very dangerous.

00:07:46.460 They backfire.

00:07:47.240 I like when you pull up a picture of that.

00:07:48.580 Dark gray.

00:07:53.700 What year is this?

00:07:54.600 19-

00:07:55.500 Any of those look good on the top row, I think.

00:07:57.220 Yeah.

00:07:57.840 87.

00:07:58.480 Oh, that's it.

00:07:59.640 Wow.

00:08:00.280 Dude, and mom- 0.93

00:08:00.960 It's a box, man.

00:08:01.780 It's cute.

00:08:02.780 And mom would drive that thing, dude. 1.00

00:08:04.780 And it would be out of gas.

00:08:05.760 She would drive it on sheer anger. 0.97

00:08:07.800 Would frickin' propel that car.

00:08:09.400 Yeah.

00:08:10.520 And, uh, we had a Corvette.

00:08:12.660 What?

00:08:13.200 My mom had a Corvette. 0.86

00:08:14.180 And you know what my dad had?

00:08:15.760 He had a pedophile white van.

00:08:18.200 Ooh. 0.94

00:08:19.320 It's just a white van, right?

00:08:21.500 Why?

00:08:21.740 And you would go around, you know, and I don't know why, but you would always go past schools.

00:08:25.680 What is it about, I think, there's a lot of secrecy inside of Asian men, older Asian men, where, you know what I'm saying?

00:08:36.100 No, I don't.

00:08:36.960 Please explain yourself.

00:08:38.260 I will. 0.98

00:08:38.740 A lot of white men, and blacks too, I'll say it, and others, slams, everybody else slams, people from the desert, sand Christians, everybody. 1.00

00:08:49.620 They are more, they're more outspoken with what's going on.

00:08:53.860 I feel like a lot of Asian people keep things very close to the vest. 1.00

00:08:58.820 Like, you'll see a guy with a van, but no particular reason, you never know, and then years later, you know, on his deathbed, he tells you he was, you know, he's been running a baseball card shop across town.

00:09:09.280 All right, smuggling opium.

00:09:11.020 Yeah, smuggling opium.

00:09:12.240 We're doing, well, you guys don't do a lot of, like, you guys do more sex offender indoor.

00:09:17.860 You don't do, like, kidnapping, that kind of stuff.

00:09:20.600 I don't think, huh?

00:09:21.800 Asians? 0.76

00:09:22.120 Well, no, let me try to think about that. 1.00

00:09:25.360 Because the Asian man's not going to be able to catch a white kid, or a black kid, no fucking way. 0.99

00:09:29.900 No, wait, I think that's very offensive. 1.00

00:09:32.060 What? 1.00

00:09:32.740 Dude, bro, Asians are quick as fuck, bro. 1.00

00:09:35.920 The reason why you don't even know is because we do it so quick. 1.00

00:09:38.860 They don't know when, there's no witnesses.

00:09:41.160 Come here!

00:09:41.540 What?

00:09:42.800 That's how, you know what I mean?

00:09:43.760 He goes, hey!

00:09:44.520 You know what I mean?

00:09:44.980 And, you know what I mean?

00:09:46.060 Come here!

00:09:46.600 And they do, they molest quick.

00:09:48.460 Ooh, now that I can see.

00:09:49.360 Bend over! 1.00

00:09:50.360 Like that, right?

00:09:51.080 Like, nigga goes, hey! 1.00

00:09:52.520 Like, you know what I mean? 0.97

00:09:53.620 And then we bury, bury.

00:09:55.220 You know what I mean?

00:09:55.600 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 0.98

00:09:56.040 Yeah, so we're quick as fuck, and that's where you don't see it, yeah. 0.93

00:09:59.560 But I don't, I've never really, I've never seen in the news, especially in America, right? 0.97

00:10:06.080 Asian man, you know what I mean?

00:10:07.560 Yeah.

00:10:07.960 Molest, or Asian man goes hog wild. 1.00

00:10:10.900 You know, like sometimes white people.

00:10:12.140 Asian man touchy younger. 1.00

00:10:12.820 Right, right.

00:10:13.460 Right. 0.99

00:10:13.820 Or sometimes white people go hog wild in a mall. 0.99

00:10:16.340 Yeah. 0.98

00:10:16.700 You know what I mean?

00:10:17.020 With a machine gun.

00:10:17.780 Like, you know, whatever, right?

00:10:19.840 Yeah, you guys.

00:10:20.260 You never see Asian dudes do it, older dudes doing that. 1.00

00:10:22.640 You guys keep your crime, I feel like, very close to the vest, and then at the last second

00:10:26.840 on a death, in a deathbed whisper, you tell it, you know?

00:10:30.300 Like, oh, I touch all the kiddos.

00:10:32.740 Yeah, yeah.

00:10:33.360 You know? 0.68

00:10:34.020 Bobby, I killed 9,342 people in my life, or something like that. 1.00

00:10:38.720 And you're like, what the fuck? 1.00

00:10:40.000 And then you just die. 1.00

00:10:41.120 Yeah. 0.75

00:10:41.980 I think that's the way to do it.

00:10:43.220 Yeah. 1.00

00:10:43.460 Keep your shit to yourself. 1.00

00:10:45.060 Well, you guys come from a long history of keeping secrets and tradition, honor. 1.00

00:10:51.540 An Asian man will die. 1.00

00:10:53.520 What are you talking about? 1.00

00:10:55.020 Asian will kill themselves. 1.00

00:10:56.680 Can you see about that, Nick? 1.00

00:10:58.320 Asian men kill themselves? 0.92

00:10:59.320 What? 0.99

00:10:59.400 Asian kill themselves if they have secret, you know? 1.00

00:11:01.320 They can't handle it. 1.00

00:11:03.920 Seppuku.

00:11:04.880 Right there.

00:11:05.180 Oh, seppuku.

00:11:06.920 Right.

00:11:07.600 Harikari.

00:11:08.040 An alternative spelling is a ritual suicide in traditional Japan, if someone kills themselves. 0.99

00:11:14.320 I know, but, Theo, white people kill themselves, too. 0.98

00:11:17.900 They just don't do it differently. 0.98

00:11:19.760 Yeah, but we're distressed about something.

00:11:21.980 Yeah, that's why.

00:11:22.740 You think they're having a happy day?

00:11:25.240 We don't have a forest.

00:11:26.880 Yeah, we have a forest in Japan.

00:11:28.760 Right.

00:11:29.060 That's true.

00:11:30.480 Right, that's true.

00:11:31.200 You guys have more, it's more of like, I'm going to go over here and take my life quietly.

00:11:35.580 I'm not going to bother anybody. 0.97

00:11:36.560 White guys are like, hey, look at me. 0.94

00:11:39.000 Right. 1.00

00:11:39.700 I'm shooting people at eclairs. 0.99

00:11:41.200 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 0.99

00:11:42.360 You know?

00:11:42.940 I think because I'm Asians, especially my parents and my family, you know, we want to assimilate.

00:11:50.200 Yeah.

00:11:50.700 And we want to just, you know, don't be bothered.

00:11:53.780 We're lucky to be here is the mentality, I think.

00:11:56.600 Wow.

00:11:56.860 Yeah, we worked hard to be here.

00:11:58.540 We're going to just make our money and we don't want to cause any trouble, you know?

00:12:02.280 I think the new generations of, oh yeah.

00:12:07.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:12:07.540 Are like now vocal.

00:12:08.660 They're out there protesting and very vocal.

00:12:11.280 But I'm in the mid ground.

00:12:12.900 Like I kind of was influenced kind of by the Asians that immigrated here.

00:12:18.420 Right?

00:12:18.920 So it's like, I don't really, I still have that old school, you know what I mean? 0.99

00:12:23.720 Mentality where I don't want to, like last night I ran into, this fucking happened, man. 0.98

00:12:28.880 You can say it. 0.99

00:12:29.860 Tim Robbins.

00:12:30.840 A Chad.

00:12:32.120 Oh, really?

00:12:34.540 You know, I rarely go out, bro.

00:12:36.200 Somebody from Chad? 0.83

00:12:38.160 You mean a black guy? 0.90

00:12:39.720 No, no, no, no. 0.97

00:12:41.080 No, no.

00:12:42.060 You know, you've heard of Chad and Karens?

00:12:43.920 Mm-hmm.

00:12:44.800 Right.

00:12:46.040 So people that get upset about stuff.

00:12:47.720 Yeah.

00:12:47.940 So I was at, so last night I look at my girl and I go,

00:12:52.240 because I'm down to one pack of cigarettes a week.

00:12:56.140 Are you really?

00:12:56.900 Yeah.

00:12:57.560 So I smoke one pack a week and I had run out of the week, the pack. 0.94

00:13:02.060 So I'm like, I think I need, and I started smoking like the butts.

00:13:06.260 It just grows out. 0.65

00:13:07.100 Oh, I've been there.

00:13:08.040 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:13:08.580 So I go, you know, sweetie, I'm going to go to the 7-Eleven.

00:13:11.140 She goes, I take Juliana with you, which is my niece or her niece. 1.00

00:13:15.120 And how old's Juliana? 0.99

00:13:16.060 She's in high school.

00:13:16.760 She's a senior.

00:13:18.400 So Juliana's in the car with me.

00:13:19.940 We go to 7-Eleven.

00:13:20.720 And I go, and I go, and I wait in the line, 6 feet, whatever.

00:13:24.460 I have the mask on.

00:13:25.780 And there's a full-blown fight in the counter with this white dude, you know.

00:13:31.360 Full-blown is also a term used for AIDS only.

00:13:34.800 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:13:35.440 I'm sorry to bring that up, but it's a pet peeve of mine.

00:13:37.500 When people do that, people are like, oh, man, you know.

00:13:41.320 Yeah, yeah.

00:13:41.700 I have a full, you know.

00:13:42.880 Yeah, but he had it.

00:13:44.440 Full-blown white.

00:13:46.180 Really?

00:13:46.480 Yeah, and he was like, the guy was, eh, meester, meester.

00:13:51.500 I don't know why, but immigrants love to say that.

00:13:53.900 Yeah, yeah, yeah, meester.

00:13:54.820 Meester, you know what I mean?

00:13:55.780 Meester.

00:13:56.240 Yeah, so, meester, you need to wear a mask. 0.94

00:13:58.660 We can't serve you, right? 1.00

00:13:59.620 And he goes, fuck, you guys are all sheep. 1.00

00:14:02.400 You know, he's like doing that in the store, right? 1.00

00:14:05.180 I'm sorry, meester, meester, right?

00:14:07.740 And then he goes, I'll buy a mask.

00:14:11.800 So he bought a mask, and he kind of put it on his face.

00:14:14.980 Oh, I hate that.

00:14:15.540 Right?

00:14:16.120 Like, he put it on an eye.

00:14:18.560 One of the straps wasn't even around the ear.

00:14:20.400 Yeah.

00:14:20.820 He's like, now give him my beer, because he was buying beer.

00:14:23.100 Oh.

00:14:23.800 I'm just sitting there.

00:14:24.540 I go, don't say nothing, Bobby.

00:14:27.060 You know, I got internal dialogue.

00:14:30.080 And so he kind of leaves.

00:14:31.440 I order, and he stands by the door.

00:14:34.980 I don't know why. 1.00

00:14:35.820 He has his shit. 1.00

00:14:36.900 Yeah. 1.00

00:14:37.660 And now, what do you feel like he was waiting for?

00:14:39.540 Because he was already angry at what the guy who worked there?

00:14:41.940 Yeah.

00:14:42.420 And that man was Asian?

00:14:44.440 No.

00:14:45.200 The Mr. Meester guy?

00:14:46.120 Yeah.

00:14:46.420 No, he was Hispanic.

00:14:47.740 What?

00:14:48.140 Why do you sound like that then? 0.92

00:14:49.640 Well, because I think that, you know what's fucked up when you say they do that, though? 0.80

00:14:52.820 Is no matter what accent I do, right? 0.85

00:14:55.780 Hello.

00:14:56.860 They go, why are you doing Asian accent?

00:14:58.560 Right.

00:14:58.820 People always do that.

00:14:59.740 Oh, yeah.

00:15:00.220 Because of my face.

00:15:01.240 Yeah, yeah.

00:15:01.780 That's true.

00:15:02.280 Yeah, so it doesn't matter what I do.

00:15:03.540 Good call.

00:15:03.780 Yeah, yeah.

00:15:04.020 It could be anybody.

00:15:04.660 That's you.

00:15:05.100 Meester.

00:15:05.980 Yeah, so Mr. Meester, right? 0.99

00:15:07.480 So then, anyway, he waits by the door, and I order my shit, the cigarette, I put it in 0.55

00:15:12.600 my pocket, and I'm going to the door, and the dude opens the door for me, and now his 0.94

00:15:17.260 mask is off. 1.00

00:15:18.020 Because he bought his shit already. 1.00

00:15:20.380 He's like, here you go, sir. 1.00

00:15:23.440 Right?

00:15:23.740 Now, you feel like he was welcoming, or he was like-

00:15:26.340 No, I think he was trying to be nice.

00:15:27.840 Okay.

00:15:28.340 But then I'm like, no, dude, go ahead.

00:15:30.760 No, you go in front of me.

00:15:32.560 Mm-hmm.

00:15:33.460 Right?

00:15:34.400 I go, dude, no.

00:15:35.360 Bro, you're not wearing a mask, I said.

00:15:37.440 He goes, I don't have it!

00:15:40.480 He goes, I don't have it!

00:15:42.540 Like that.

00:15:43.600 Right?

00:15:44.120 Now, I look at Juliana in the car, and she has her mask up, but I can see her eyes. 0.99

00:15:49.960 She's like, what the fuck is going on, right? 0.98

00:15:52.100 And I go, and then what do I do? 0.99

00:15:55.220 He goes, it's a hoax!

00:15:56.140 You know what I do?

00:15:58.300 I lie.

00:15:59.700 You lied to him?

00:16:00.660 Yeah.

00:16:01.800 I go, my friend died from it! 1.00

00:16:03.320 Oh, damn. 1.00

00:16:05.100 Right? 1.00

00:16:05.500 He goes, really?

00:16:06.640 Why?

00:16:06.840 He goes, I don't have it!

00:16:07.980 And then I made up a name.

00:16:09.280 I made up a name, and I said two first names.

00:16:11.700 My friend David Jose!

00:16:13.160 That's what I said when I got.

00:16:14.160 My friend-

00:16:14.820 I said two names.

00:16:16.020 First name.

00:16:16.740 My friend David Jose died from it!

00:16:18.560 He's like, I don't have it!

00:16:19.900 I go, go ahead!

00:16:20.540 And we're now in a full-blown fight, bro.

00:16:23.140 Full-blown fight.

00:16:24.280 Juliana's in the car, freaked out, right?

00:16:25.920 So he just-

00:16:26.720 He finally relents, and he just leaves, right?

00:16:29.220 And all the Halloween candy just came out.

00:16:30.840 That's the worst time to fight at the CBS, dude.

00:16:34.100 Right.

00:16:35.100 Okay, so he relents?

00:16:35.580 So then I go outside, and I run the car open, and then he comes to the car.

00:16:40.640 So I remember Juliana trying to figure out how to lock the door.

00:16:43.880 Oh, yeah.

00:16:44.360 It was a whole thing. 1.00

00:16:45.440 He's like, you fucking liberal piece of shit. 1.00

00:16:47.880 You? 1.00

00:16:48.460 Yeah, me, right? 1.00

00:16:49.960 You fucking, you know what I mean? 1.00

00:16:51.380 You're a fucking sheep, you know? 1.00

00:16:53.220 And he kind of looks at my driver's license to see, like, what my driver- 1.00

00:16:56.600 More of a silk.

00:16:58.020 I wouldn't call you a wool.

00:16:59.460 You know what I'm saying?

00:17:01.040 Yeah, yeah.

00:17:01.820 There he is right there, David Jose.

00:17:03.640 May he rest in peace.

00:17:04.760 There is a David Jose.

00:17:05.800 R.I.V., dude.

00:17:08.240 There is a David Jose.

00:17:09.720 Yeah, there is, dude.

00:17:10.640 I didn't know, man.

00:17:11.540 So that guy died.

00:17:12.520 Yeah, he did.

00:17:13.080 That guy died from the COVID. 1.00

00:17:14.540 Damn. 1.00

00:17:15.200 Yeah. 0.99

00:17:15.340 So then I got in a car and drove away, but my adrenaline was rushing, you know?

00:17:21.560 And then whenever I lie, I feel guilty, man.

00:17:24.540 You felt bad about lying to that man?

00:17:25.900 Yeah, why did I even have to say that, you know what I mean?

00:17:27.880 But I wanted to prove a point.

00:17:29.740 But then it's like, you know, then you think to yourself, right?

00:17:34.160 Listen, like, what's real?

00:17:37.080 Right?

00:17:37.380 And then you go back to that movie, The Social Dilemma.

00:17:39.540 Did you see it?

00:17:40.460 The Social Dilemma?

00:17:41.580 Yeah.

00:17:41.800 Is it with Jason Bateman?

00:17:48.460 What?

00:17:49.140 No, not Jason Bateman.

00:17:52.140 I'm not thinking of Robert Kane.

00:17:54.340 You know what I'm talking about?

00:17:55.400 No, I don't know what you're talking about.

00:17:57.280 The Social Dilemma?

00:17:58.200 Yeah, yeah.

00:17:59.140 I think you're thinking about The Social Network.

00:18:03.120 Mm-mm.

00:18:03.560 No?

00:18:05.400 No, I'm trying to think of the movie that I'm thinking of.

00:18:07.020 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:18:07.800 Well, I didn't see it.

00:18:09.080 Oh, I'm going to tell you.

00:18:10.340 Okay.

00:18:10.500 That it's a Netflix documentary.

00:18:13.120 Okay.

00:18:13.980 And it's all, you know how the other day, all the celebrities, like, we're not going to

00:18:18.280 be on Instagram and Twitter until, you know what I mean, Facebook changes their, you know.

00:18:23.500 But basically, it's how social media, right, has done some good for our country and our world.

00:18:31.220 Right.

00:18:31.260 Very little, though.

00:18:32.120 People say that a lot.

00:18:33.240 Yeah.

00:18:33.360 And it's like, people have connected that have never, that haven't talked to each other in years.

00:18:37.560 Right.

00:18:37.860 It's like organ donors have been found.

00:18:39.720 It's like, dude, if you go outside with a decent organ, bro, somebody will find you,

00:18:43.680 dog.

00:18:44.040 Yeah.

00:18:44.240 You know what I'm saying?

00:18:44.880 But mostly, it's caused polarization in this country and a lot of-

00:18:50.100 A lot of hate.

00:18:51.480 A lot of hate.

00:18:52.260 It's, yeah.

00:18:52.700 And it's so, you know, people say, it's Trump.

00:18:55.100 It's Trump.

00:18:55.500 It's like, it has a lot to do with, you know, social media. 0.97

00:18:59.620 But, um, so you watch that and you go, holy shit, I'm never going to be on Twitter, but 0.98

00:19:03.240 I can't stop. 0.98

00:19:05.000 On Twitter?

00:19:06.320 Well, yeah, because all these guys, celebrities are like, we, they saw the documentary and

00:19:09.740 they're like, we're no longer going to be on Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, or we're going

00:19:12.640 to protest. 1.00

00:19:13.020 Celebrities are retarded, though. 1.00

00:19:14.860 What do you mean? 1.00

00:19:15.640 They're ridiculous. 1.00

00:19:16.460 They're, they just, they say whatever the next thing they got to do, whatever. 0.99

00:19:20.120 It's always the next, what do I have to do today to feel like, it's not even, there's

00:19:25.000 just no uniqueness in it anymore, you know?

00:19:27.480 Yeah, you know, I have a problem with people when they go, um, because sometimes they'll

00:19:31.160 read a comment and go, Bobby's Hollywood or he's a celebrity.

00:19:33.880 Do you, do you, when people call you a celebrity, I'd be real, you don't feel like one, right?

00:19:39.900 No, I don't feel like one.

00:19:40.820 Yeah, I don't either.

00:19:42.080 Like, I, I feel like when people-

00:19:43.740 I feel troubled.

00:19:44.200 I feel a lot of times sad.

00:19:45.920 Yeah, I feel like, like, I maybe want to become one, you know what I mean?

00:19:52.420 But I haven't, I haven't gotten there yet.

00:19:55.340 Well, what are you going to be?

00:19:56.420 You're Bobby Lee, man.

00:19:57.280 You're not going to be somebody else.

00:19:58.860 Yeah, I kind of want to be Bruce Lee or something, some, some, some, like, guy like that.

00:20:01.780 No.

00:20:02.300 Dude, you're way more, Bruce Lee fought.

00:20:04.060 You're like, not a fighter.

00:20:04.960 You're true.

00:20:05.460 But I could fight.

00:20:06.700 Dude, you are.

00:20:07.800 I could fight.

00:20:08.760 Who's that? 0.98

00:20:09.480 Here's a guy right here, a little white kid that'll fight you, dude. 0.99

00:20:13.500 Hey, Bobby.

00:20:14.180 Hey, I've seen Theo's been doing BJJ lately.

00:20:18.420 What are the chances that you join him whenever you're allowed out the house again?

00:20:22.940 And how long do you think it's going to be until you do comedy?

00:20:26.860 He said, you can fight.

00:20:29.300 Can you fight?

00:20:30.500 I didn't understand what he was saying, though.

00:20:32.280 Yeah.

00:20:34.160 This is what I heard. 0.98

00:20:34.940 that's what i fucking heard dude that's charles dickens bro okay i don't even know who that is 0.99

00:20:50.720 is that the guy i think i've heard of him great grandson that's chuck dick the third 0.99

00:20:55.560 understand what the fuck he just said he tell me what he said nick can translate uh theo started 0.99

00:21:01.080 doing a jiu-jitsu and he's wondering that's hilarious and he's that's hilarious i'm a female 0.97

00:21:06.600 straw weight right now it's just funny that you do jiu-jitsu dude i am not that good at it yeah i

00:21:14.240 can tell and i'm not don't do it stop it's ridiculous bro why because you know because 1.00

00:21:18.520 because you're in cahoots with fucking shab and eddie fucking the twister fucking that guy's insane 0.99

00:21:24.600 what's his name eddie uh boham rice uh mitchell yeah mitchell eddie mitchell with the twister oh 1.00

00:21:31.700 bryce mitchell's a killer dude he'll look at you that you're you have a gi and everything bro 0.97

00:21:36.200 dude you look ridiculous that is stinking up my car right i know dude bro stop doing it dude it's a 0.99

00:21:43.160 fad i had to stop for a week because some of my ribs got really severely bruised so i've been 0.99

00:21:49.820 fighting two women and i'm almost gonna i'm almost beating one of them what have what have you learned

00:21:53.680 to do because i i wrestled in high school yeah do you know how long your high school was dude it

00:21:58.600 was different when you were in high school they didn't even have like i mean they didn't have a

00:22:03.040 lot the laws were different i know but i still know how to do like a double leg a single leg and a

00:22:08.640 fireman's oh dude fireman's is out now it is yeah it's fire persons now okay they changed it they did

00:22:16.140 uh what can i do now i'll tell you this like say if somebody comes running at me and they're gonna hit

00:22:20.840 me or attack me it used to be i would be scared and just run off now i will let them hit me

00:22:25.220 ah because you want to be able to grab them it's just like now it's like okay i know i'm gonna i

00:22:30.580 know this is there's gonna be some confrontation here i'm ready for it that's that's literally only

00:22:35.040 that's as far as i've gotten like okay i'm okay right here is before i'd be in complete fear i would

00:22:39.920 lay on my back and kick at them my question to you theo is when have you ever been attacked

00:22:43.720 you could easily get attacked now have you seen but you've never been attacked have you seen blm

00:22:47.800 people attacking people rather than having appetizers attacking senior citizens trying

00:22:52.680 to finish a shrimp scampi outside of baltimore you seen this no man i don't want to upset me huh 0.84

00:23:00.460 it's gonna upset me no it's not it's just like angry white people with bullhorns dude blm's got 0.95

00:23:07.900 those rallies have gotten so bad black people aren't even showing up at him anymore 1.00

00:23:11.200 they are black people are like this shit is lame as fuck dude i i yeah i just i first of all my 1.00

00:23:19.440 girlfriend went to one of those no no the the protests are i i totally get that that's a 1.00

00:23:25.520 different thing oh i don't know people attacking senior citizens trying to polish off a fucking 0.99

00:23:29.380 thing of grilled brussel sprouts outside of a fucking dave and busters nicks well there's got to 0.98

00:23:34.460 be a reason why they did that though i know it's just there's things where they're chanting and going 0.98

00:23:38.320 down the street and then they get angry at people that are eating outdoors ah um yeah it's it's getting

00:23:43.440 you know it's like on both sides it's getting out of hand oh dude all those people that are fighting

00:23:48.300 in the park and throwing like water balloons at each other and stuff all of this stuff is not

00:23:53.480 yeah this this is this isn't about anything it feels like to me see this is where they're just

00:23:57.420 yelling at people that are trying to finish their salad all right

00:23:59.940 yeah it's you're you know you first of all you don't even know their backstory yeah you mean it's 0.99

00:24:07.200 like you know what i mean with one of the white dude could have just got out of fucking the 0.99

00:24:10.240 hospital from cancer right they may have black children in her right right and then the woman 1.00

00:24:14.660 right is has a week to live because she has some sort of weird like skin disease yeah right and 1.00

00:24:19.260 they're like let's have one meal together all right it's corona baby we don't no let's go to

00:24:24.580 fucking luigianos like let's risk it it's i have two t-cells left and then all of a sudden 0.99

00:24:28.760 you know what i mean i'm gonna risk them they just ruined their fucking last days on earth 0.99

00:24:32.760 i got two t-cells left i want to risk them for this calamari outdoors yeah the shared plate yeah 0.95

00:24:38.260 people have to learn how to like realize that like not every first of all you know there's not

00:24:43.520 two sides agreed okay that it's so complex right it's crazy what you believe you know i mean people's

00:24:53.000 personal lives it's so intricately complex that there's no way to put people in categories

00:24:59.200 and boxes right so it's like you can't just make assumptions about things right and that's

00:25:04.660 where we are in life and i do the same thing like when i see like you know like hardcore right wing 0.93

00:25:10.360 you know trump supporters right say some fucking crazy things immediately my reaction is to attack 0.95

00:25:15.920 them but then it's like i have to look back and go and i'll go on their like twitter and then they 0.99

00:25:21.240 they have dogs yeah right and anyone that i love anyone that loves a dog right to me is like

00:25:27.840 you know has some empathy and and love in their heart you know it's just like you just don't know

00:25:33.620 it's like that's what we are in the world so it's like well it goes back to social media i think a lot

00:25:37.920 of that stuff is just fueling people to be you know keyed up you know when i was young you had to get

00:25:42.960 coked up to go do some trouble yeah yeah people are doing a couple you know a couple hot tweets and 0.99

00:25:48.640 you're out there fucking throwing an axe at somebody outside of a fucking abandoned applebee's 0.98

00:25:52.920 like yeah yeah yeah and then it's like people fighting for like these politics like 0.99

00:25:58.060 i just i don't know i never understood going that crazy for pop for politics just go vote

00:26:04.500 yeah yeah and that's all you have to do yeah yeah yeah and also it's like go vote and it's like you

00:26:10.620 know you have to we have to understand that like you know it's like that you have no real the only

00:26:17.320 things you can control the things that you can do yeah right outcomes you can't control

00:26:22.740 right it's out of your hands and we worry about these outcomes that we're powerless over right

00:26:28.580 and you're like we have some of influence over yeah i mean we do have some i mean we have the

00:26:33.260 right to vote and that's gonna help right and then you can like if you have a little bit of money you

00:26:38.520 can like donate money to somebody's campaign or whatever you might do or you could also do service

00:26:43.120 work and be you know head you know pick me's deserve to live or whatever you know it has some sort of

00:26:49.780 like you know yeah i don't know if that's a thing but that you know but no something do yeah do

00:26:54.780 something give these boys something water for the blind they yeah yeah but you you that's all you 0.90

00:26:59.460 can do you know i mean all this other shit you know i mean wasting your time yeah yeah yeah that's 0.99

00:27:04.160 why i've just been watching kingdom man you know just the other day i switched my cable uh turned it 0.97

00:27:11.940 off turned off my cable so now you know sometimes i'll go in the living room and it's kind of guess

00:27:17.180 what could be happening um and the tv's off but what i'm saying is that there's ways you can save

00:27:23.560 money if you want to and one of those ways is policy genius policy genius saves their home and auto

00:27:31.500 customers an average of eleven hundred twenty seven dollars a year by shopping top rated insurers in

00:27:39.000 one place if you're thinking that eleven hundred and twenty seven dollars is a weirdly specific amount

00:27:45.580 you're right but they crunched the numbers and that's what it is all you have to do is head to

00:27:52.340 policy genius.com and answer a few quick questions about yourself and your property after that policy

00:28:00.340 genius does all the work you don't have to do it you don't have to go door to door or window to

00:28:06.540 window and yell wow how do i get saving money they'll compare your existing policy against others in the

00:28:14.900 market they do it they're doing it not you so if you're a homeowner head to policy genius.com right now

00:28:24.500 to get started they've saved their home and auto insurance customers an average of eleven hundred

00:28:32.260 and twenty seven dollars a year who knows what weirdly specific amount they could save you

00:28:39.580 policy genius.com kingdom kingdom i don't watch it oh bro this guy's got a question about something i

00:28:47.240 think you guys have both been watching could i talk about kingdom first yes yeah okay let's listen to

00:28:52.700 this guy okay play the guy big tiger valley fan here um i'm crossing the tracks huh you've seen the

00:29:02.760 new reboot karate kid reboot what you think of it and if you would make a guest appearance

00:29:10.680 as mr miyagi game game game like this

00:29:15.440 thank you for your question brother i appreciate that man i appreciate you being obviously this guy

00:29:21.680 i'm going to go out on a limb and say this guy is filipino or athletic and relaxed dominican

00:29:30.540 and he wants to know if you'd be mr miyagi and the wildest thing is bobby i thought about that a minute ago

00:29:38.500 i said i wonder if bobby's been approached about being uh going yagi going full yagi

00:29:44.560 it's funny

00:29:49.480 first of all

00:29:51.740 people do this all the time they go god he looks like him doesn't he sorry go on

00:29:57.560 first of all people do this all the time when they go

00:30:03.200 um they say stuff like why why weren't you in that you should you why didn't you do that yeah

00:30:10.920 right and you go like some movie comes out like crazy rich asians people go hey why didn't you do 0.99

00:30:18.040 that they didn't ask me right yeah i want to be in it yeah people like get mad at me yeah

00:30:28.060 why didn't you do that you should have done that and go i did want to do it yeah they don't want me in

00:30:33.120 it yeah you know or like people go like that you should be karate kid miyagi yeah first of all

00:30:42.380 he was like 70 years old when he did it he was 51 was he really yeah i could do it

00:30:51.160 i'll do it i'll do it you would be too goofy man why no ah you guys very much look very similar

00:30:59.060 and r.i.p him he died yeah he died from um smoking huh well i i heard different stories that he was an

00:31:08.000 alcoholic yeah yeah i you know i i have a and that's back when it was heavy but there's a funny

00:31:14.400 story about him um he used to go to hawaii all the time right because he was friends with you know

00:31:19.740 who don ho is yep the musician yeah pat morita so he used to go to don ho shows all the time

00:31:26.020 but he used to go there to do one joke right and so don ho with if don ho knew a pat morita was in

00:31:35.260 the audience don ho would stop in the middle of the show and goes ladies and gentlemen tiny bubbles to

00:31:40.620 you you know what i mean and people go yay right and he goes my friend is here in the audience you know

00:31:45.320 he's a good friend of mine he's a celebrity he's one of my best friends in the world uh pat morita

00:31:50.400 please they should have they shot a shot a light on him pat morita and and don ho would go stand up

00:31:57.920 pat morita and pat morita's joke would be i am standing and everyone would laugh and he would

00:32:04.520 only go to do that one joke

00:32:06.000 and then you just get plastered get blown by hawaiian women oh god you gotta love that yeah 1.00

00:32:12.740 see that's awesome man that's the good old days man you when you would drive you drive four hours

00:32:17.060 to be part of something you know yeah see i would have loved dude back in the day if like you and i

00:32:21.780 came up from the 70s or 80s dude right and i knew you were doing a show right yeah i would have loved

00:32:27.300 to just go with you because what else is there to do yeah you know i mean go to the movies yeah the

00:32:32.320 movies you're gonna be stuck in there yeah so i would just drive and i think people like hung out

00:32:37.340 more back then yeah right when things everything wasn't recorded so it didn't so like everything

00:32:42.440 like something there was a value to the moment like now there's not as much value to the moment

00:32:47.520 yeah it's great and i don't know if this is good or bad but it's crazy to think that like

00:32:51.560 some of the people that have been canceled too wouldn't be canceled you know i mean oh totally well

00:32:56.720 it's i i i i don't know if that's in my head you know no it's okay to talk about yeah yeah

00:33:01.900 i mean say if you know you take you know half of our friends or anybody from our time who grew up

00:33:10.120 on that movie almost famous right that movie is about 16 year old girls i think banging men 1.00

00:33:16.440 yeah in a band and kind of chant like the movie it doesn't champion it but it definitely like

00:33:24.140 kind of carries on like this is okay well i mean obviously the rolling stones and these 70s bands

00:33:30.680 when they want to go on the road yeah dude they would like like they're half of our parents

00:33:36.140 because i know i was watching that um movie um once at a time in hollywood and one of the manson

00:33:41.800 girls was like 16 17 years old i mean it's not that i'm not saying it's right or wrong i'm just

00:33:46.140 saying that back in the day you know like you know they used to just rock bands used to just do that

00:33:51.700 they didn't ask for their id they just you know i mean she's hot she has hair on her jam g and let's 1.00

00:33:58.180 do it you know i mean yeah and it's like i'm not saying it's right it's probably wrong it's wrong

00:34:02.980 well it's wrong but they you did it though it's all there's look there's nuances to everything

00:34:08.600 i remember they had a handicapped guy in our neighborhood who's mentally handicapped and he

00:34:12.280 used to kind of kiss everybody a little and nobody knew how old he was oh really yeah i um 0.96

00:34:18.880 did you do it i don't remember if i did or not i probably i think i hugged him or fucking wrote on 0.83

00:34:25.580 his shoulders or something you look like something you'd like to lit thing you'd like like lit things 0.68

00:34:29.000 on fire growing up huh uh i mean i would like lights light stuff in the yard or if we got half like

00:34:34.800 you know so then we get a extra half gallon of gas or kerosene or something we put it light the ditch

00:34:39.420 up and run through it um do stuff like that my buddy's car one time we fucking put the tires in 0.97

00:34:46.380 kerosene coated him and lit them all and he drove down the street real fast yeah um should we even

00:34:51.600 be talking about this because i feel like it's going to get flagged or something on on youtube

00:34:55.120 oh no he he's he's still alive no i mean talking about this in general about pedophilia dude pedophilia

00:35:03.880 there's a new tv show about pedophilia where they're dancing

00:35:05.960 so if netflix can air it man we can look i'm not saying here's what i say i'm gonna say

00:35:12.520 loud and clear right now i vote no on pedophilia me too 100 i hate it hate it

00:35:18.260 yeah everybody and i don't care if the person is black or white nobody should get molested man

00:35:24.920 what is this surge material yeah cuties it's a show about 13 year old kids like showing their

00:35:32.160 you know booties and everything did they cancel it i don't know just uh a lot of people are canceling

00:35:37.380 their netflix subscriptions to protest oh my god i think people are so crazy yeah but it's also it's

00:35:43.140 it there does you know what with all technology going back to what you're saying there's a spot

00:35:48.120 where you're like okay does this stuff have any of my best interest in it like even if you watch the

00:35:55.600 um i saw this documentary last night for about 20 minutes it's about uh the people it's basically

00:36:03.500 like five jewish guys that made tiktok and facebook like button um it's like programmers or something

00:36:11.860 right yeah and and just about the dilemma that they're all facing in dealing with is this ethical

00:36:18.760 or not yeah dude i just before i was telling you about that documentary so social dilemma that's what

00:36:23.860 you saw oh social dilemma yeah my bad so you fucking saw it i saw 20 minutes of it dude i didn't 0.98

00:36:31.740 why didn't you just say that i'm explaining to you what the fuck it is and then you're like and 0.98

00:36:38.400 then you were like before yes say it man or have nick bring up a picture what do you think nick's here 0.97

00:36:42.980 for yeah but you didn't know what it was called no i didn't and i did oh my bad did you so you did 0.98

00:36:51.100 know oh this i'll tell you this bro oh yeah yeah last time i come to this fucking birthday party 0.99

00:36:56.260 yeah well i get attacked bro so let me let me just tell you about kingdom i was fucking bringing 0.99

00:37:02.240 it up before right and i just now remembered it okay don't get angry but bro i've been watching a 0.70

00:37:10.600 show on netflix it's a korean show it's called kingdom bro and you gotta watch it dude okay it's

00:37:17.240 about fucking korean zombies back in the day no way yeah dude and it's in its second season now okay 0.90

00:37:24.060 yeah and dude bro korean zombies they can run far cozos they call them oh cozos yeah cozos dude 0.98

00:37:33.860 do you like watching did you like watch game of thrones anything like that yeah i'm on the fourth

00:37:37.920 season right now yeah you're really watching it yeah do you like it it's good yeah i love it but

00:37:42.260 why the fuck did you wait so long to watch that that's crazy i kind of hold out with a lot of stuff 0.79

00:37:46.720 i'm on the first season in the office that is finished 0.99

00:37:48.700 dude just two years ago i watched uh serpico no uh cocaine what's that thing

00:37:56.280 no no no you feel scarface scarface you just saw scarface oh well i mean it must be exciting for you

00:38:04.280 that's the thing i don't everybody sees it and then everybody's seen it you can never read you can

00:38:08.400 never see it for the first time again fucktard scarface came out in the 70s yeah you wait 30 0.99

00:38:14.560 years 40 years and it was good oh wow god it was so now you now you had never seen game of thrones 0.94

00:38:20.480 and you you were probably one of those like i refuse to watch it yep it was like a cell phone to me

00:38:24.940 yeah right right i'm a cell phone denier bro yeah yeah so now that you watch it you're going

00:38:30.920 do you like it let's rock baby yeah i'll say this it's good i think a lot of it is not uh

00:38:37.620 it's not historically accurate that's the part that i have yeah and there's also no black people 0.99

00:38:44.700 in it you know what i'm saying if you want to up the ante throw a couple sisters in that bitch you 1.00

00:38:48.920 feel me yeah they stayed fucking white heavy throughout that thing no there are later i think 0.99

00:38:53.920 there are yeah there are well we need to get to it the inceli or whatever i think they're 0.94

00:38:59.200 yeah that's true it gets a little dark in the desert yeah in the desert yeah yeah but kingdom is like

00:39:05.040 that so kingdom has that vibe to it but instead of like dragons and shit there's zombies but it's

00:39:11.280 got like you know internal like strife within like you know the hierarchy of the kingdom and the and

00:39:16.620 sabotage and all this stuff but dude it's like you what will you just do me a favor it's on netflix

00:39:22.800 just watch the first in the beginning it's a little boring because it sets things up but the end of the

00:39:27.380 episode there's some cool shit that goes on if you like zombies and stuff but anyone watching this 0.97

00:39:32.580 podcast right now i really recommend it i saw the first season it's pretty good i like korean shit 0.81

00:39:37.820 you know i mean yeah and there's another korean um zombie movie called hashtag alive that i liked as

00:39:43.860 well what about life of hachi have you seen that bring that up hachi what's the life of hachi no it's

00:39:51.820 just called hachi it's a korean movie about a little animal there you go wait wait yeah that's the okay

00:40:00.100 first of all first of all okay a dog no no no wait wait wait wait wait hold on all right you just said 0.99

00:40:09.080 that it was a korean movie about an animal right i look on the fucking poster it's fucking richard 0.99

00:40:16.480 gear bro yeah he ain't korean and two other white ladies yeah but still i bet he's banged a lot of 0.99

00:40:23.860 korean chicks in his day you feel me i know but you think the dog's korean because his name is hachi 0.85

00:40:28.840 yes it is hachiko hachiko it's known in japanese yeah yeah japanese that's not okay chicken hachiko

00:40:34.680 dude but you have to understand man coming from look i know that we are evolving i know that diversity

00:40:42.040 is the new mustard right i get all that but what i'm telling you is

00:40:47.220 i would say seven out of nine people if they meet an asian person think that they are

00:40:57.320 chinese or japanese and the other ones it's just y'all gotta get stronger reps out there i think before

00:41:07.160 you start to take some of that freaking name share yeah well i think but can i just defend that

00:41:13.060 yeah um please do yeah i will because what you just said was cray cray yeah okay we live now in a

00:41:21.860 because of the internet i think people are just more prone to know about that like other sects or

00:41:28.860 denominations of asians right it's like you know what a mong is how do you know it i know the 0.99

00:41:37.140 mong because um you saw the movie gran turismo whatever that movie was no i met somebody that 0.99

00:41:42.700 was humong it's humong humong yeah i met them too and then i didn't even know what the fuck they were 0.98

00:41:48.280 and had to google that shit but i only know you're korean because you reminded me the first 20 times 0.98

00:41:52.540 that i thought you weren't korean yeah because you kept saying like chinese and what you just said 0.99

00:41:57.040 that hachi it's like the bullshit you just didn't just now you like you know you've seen this korean 0.99

00:42:01.540 movie hachi and i look at the dog and it's obviously a japanese dog and so you you were like one of the 0.99

00:42:07.120 those white dudes when i first met you right you would go what's up china china my chinese friend

00:42:11.780 yeah out loud right yeah or you go hey boy what's up chop boy hey man get you know let's why don't

00:42:18.440 you i have a rickshaw what's up let me get back there i was like i don't we don't do that come and

00:42:23.560 touch my wet market i'm pop yeah yeah so i had to keep reminding you for like the first five years

00:42:29.720 i know knew you that i was korean but it's like there is you know a very big difference between

00:42:35.540 all of them don't you think yes i do but imagine this imagine you're in uh let's say uh you're in

00:42:44.580 new jersey right and you keep yelling at somebody uh or say you go to new jersey right and you tell

00:42:54.220 somebody there oh you're from new york and they're like no i'm from new jersey and they're like well

00:42:58.260 what but what about me i'm from new york and like that's fine but i just people from new york and 0.94

00:43:04.500 new jersey they speak the same language yeah but it's still they speak the fucking same language dude 0.97

00:43:09.700 what are you fucking talking about it's like saying this uh you know what's a better 0.99

00:43:13.280 it's like it's like saying um um someone from um denmark and someone from belgium 0.99

00:43:19.940 maybe that's a better thing okay if you look at someone from denmark and belgium

00:43:23.860 i probably wouldn't be able to say that you know the difference yeah right because they're similar

00:43:27.980 white people right but they have different languages and different culture like one makes 1.00

00:43:33.040 chocolate the other one like likes you know i mean free marijuana or whatever you know i mean so my

00:43:37.020 point is is that you're right that's it but for someone from new jersey and for someone from new 0.82

00:43:41.300 york isn't a good fucking analogy okay god my bad man they speak the same language but i'm just saying 0.87

00:43:47.860 imagine being like so upset at a mall because one guy's from tennessee and one guy's from north 0.99

00:43:53.080 carolina i know but i i think what you don't realize is that when you get that shit every day 0.97

00:43:58.820 though you mean every day you wake up i call me the n-word the other day i i don't but i know but 0.98

00:44:06.020 as since i was a kid every single day you either have to go someone will come up to you go what are

00:44:12.620 you you go i'm a human being no i mean like you know i mean that right yeah or the next day like 0.96

00:44:18.840 hey chinese man chinese man yeah you know i mean make me a fucking hello kitty doll yeah yeah make 1.00

00:44:24.920 me a railroad make that right make me a railroad or whatever and then the next day you know 0.98

00:44:29.360 something else happens you know i mean someone will just go yeah right and then it's like

00:44:33.740 every day you get that right how'd you get into town the river you know right right right right or

00:44:40.000 then you see and then you know with the worst videos is when i see you know on youtube i saw this

00:44:45.260 one that this guy was interviewing um these girls in vegas these little girls like you know 20 some 1.00

00:44:51.380 and like would you ever date an asian man and they were they were all oh gross no way that's the last 1.00

00:44:58.860 fucking person we would we would make out with right and then you're watching that as you know you're 0.98

00:45:03.620 watching that you know you click you click on it and you watch it and you go oh man you know i mean 0.99

00:45:08.660 it just feels bad bro you know i could see that it's like being poor kind of but it's like

00:45:14.680 i've had girls look at me right and go you know after we had make out or whatever and that's they 1.00

00:45:22.860 say stuff like i have to be honest you're like what i just never ever ever ever thought that i ever

00:45:32.980 ever ever hook up with an asian guy wow and then you just kind of go you there's a part of you that

00:45:39.740 when you're asian that's a that's like yeah yeah you know i mean like i broke that whatever that 0.95

00:45:44.720 was oh yeah right but then there's a part of me that goes it feels bad you know why bad i was like

00:45:52.580 the conqueror you know you know it feels like you know that i don't like feel like five will go's

00:46:01.200 whap you know yeah but it reminds me of just how difficult it was yeah growing up in this country

00:46:07.260 and just like you know like sadius hawkins i was never asked you know i mean me neither man i never

00:46:13.400 got any girls in high school i had to and i have to say this out loud this is the truth 0.87

00:46:19.240 that i had to find some sort of fame or it's confidence i mean to get out in the market

00:46:26.620 yeah and to get the get the women you know yeah like you'd never had a problem i said no i've seen 0.98

00:46:33.960 photos of you as a young man dude oh my girl you were cute as fuck bro but i but dude i had severe 0.97

00:46:41.340 mental health issues i had dyslexia i had something they called inner dyslexia which came in 0.97

00:46:46.380 you know kind of came through our area um i had they had a fucking i lived with a buddy who had a 0.96

00:46:55.520 fucking uh gas leak in his house for two years really yeah dude you know hard to finish a test 0.88

00:47:02.900 when you're asleep yeah okay yeah like dude and people would call us people would call like i used 0.99

00:47:09.140 to hang out with the black kids people would call me dark heart in heart they would call me the n-word

00:47:13.860 and then say heart after it yeah um they would people would call me uh because my eyes are kind 0.95

00:47:20.520 of slanted in you know all right you have like a you do have look caveman like yep like from the

00:47:26.300 nose up very caveman like there i am right there balling out with a couple of guys where are you 0.98

00:47:30.880 bottom left that's you bro yeah it's me player oh shit they used to call me sugar arms dog 0.98

00:47:36.720 yeah our team had four kids dude 0.87

00:47:39.700 right dude i used to drive i used to ride my bike to school about five miles i'd drive through this

00:47:46.240 town and number 19 would get would get on my bike right and make me drive him he was seven foot seven

00:47:52.600 i gotta look at that photo i don't think that's you oh that's me player that is you yeah look at 0.99

00:47:59.240 those beautiful fucking soft hands dude oh shit and look at the way my arms bear just kind of rest on 1.00

00:48:04.920 my leg yeah so you grew up with like a lot of diversity and stuff i mean i grew up with at 1.00

00:48:09.440 least these six guys yeah that's a lot bro these guys were men these guys were grown man i grew up

00:48:17.180 with number 14 ran an auto body shop dude how old is that guy that guy looks 42 there oh that's don

00:48:24.560 galatas bro do you know him you know him bro i knew him for years and he never said one word to me he's

00:48:29.840 probably 31 years old yeah yeah and then he started family matters yeah yeah yeah yeah he

00:48:36.120 always dressed up like uncle carl dude like carl winslow you probably didn't know the guy in back

00:48:40.060 of you the white dude that looked that guy looks crazy oh i know that guy but he couldn't see very

00:48:43.600 well he had to wear those really thick shades you know yeah i've never seen eye rolls like that

00:48:47.500 before in my life oh that guy definitely he would do it all man yeah did you really know him or no

00:48:51.740 yeah matthew shin a very beautiful fellow you're a skinny dude he's a man of christ yeah man i can't be

00:48:57.740 you i don't think that's you bro dog i don't think that's not you bro i don't think it is either

00:49:03.620 but anyway number 19 bro would get onto my bicycle right yeah yeah and when he would see me coming he

00:49:08.680 would say here comes the he would say the n-word bus he would say here comes the n-word bus oh really

00:49:13.640 and as many black kids as they wanted to would get onto my bike and make me bike them to school 0.99

00:49:19.080 like the little engine that could wow yeah and i would roll up with like six black guys on my bicycle 0.67

00:49:25.540 and all i was trying to do was get to school literally it would be an extra seven probably 800

00:49:30.540 pounds of young man going at going into fifth to sixth grade wow and my legs got jacked bro

00:49:36.800 i could dunk at one point well you could dunk yep at one point do you know you know i've never made a

00:49:43.400 basket i knew that yeah i've never made a basket no i i've never that's the truth i but hold on

00:49:52.620 what kind of basket are we talking about because there's no way our asian audience is believing

00:49:58.320 that you've never made a basket no i've no i've made baskets like for the river and stuff to put

00:50:03.620 fish on you're right but i've never taken a basketball and thrown it i don't know what that

00:50:08.100 feels like to stick that ball into the hole in the hoop yeah i've thrown probably 10 000 in my life

00:50:15.700 i've never made one damn yeah i can't reach it i think i tried to get a ladder once to do it and

00:50:21.560 cheat you know i mean but like yeah yeah but i've never made a basket i've made um yeah i've never

00:50:28.560 done it damn yeah i could see i couldn't see you doing it actually yeah yeah well you have some like

00:50:37.260 jeremy lin that could yeah yaoming obviously could do it you know i mean but i just never did it's just 0.95

00:50:42.240 not my sport i've never even i can barely i've only bounced it twice yeah like i can go one two and

00:50:47.940 then i'll just lose traction right it'll just it'll pop up in the sky yeah it's not i mean i feel like

00:50:53.520 it's uh it's more of a learned environment now here's a guy right here got banned for life from

00:50:59.700 chinese basketball association he put out uh here there he put out on his ig story uh chinese women

00:51:08.700 got cakes on the low might switch up my stance soon lol yolo i guess and here he is uh bending some

00:51:18.120 woman over some uh some professional lady whoa whoa whoa so he would he's in china plays basketball 0.99

00:51:26.600 there right can't make the nba anymore what used to be in the nba but now he's older so he's playing in

00:51:31.880 china so he's now he's playing in china and now he's getting some you know chinese boom tang and

00:51:38.260 he's bragging about it and he got banned from it yeah i guess what now what did they think that he

00:51:42.200 was being disrespectful to chinese women see that's what i'm talking about you disrespectful to women 0.98

00:51:48.160 pot out son yeah imagine if they did that in america oh everyone would be banned right i mean 0.99

00:51:55.940 every video is like that right it's it's what's fucked about that is is that like dude hey chinese 0.98

00:52:01.980 government whoever fucking did that right it's a cultural thing dude it's not like he's like 0.96

00:52:06.180 it's either he paid for her right or that's his woman on the slide who knows right yeah but it's 0.99

00:52:11.580 like he can fucking do that i'm not saying he can't but in china he can't yeah the chinese are weird 1.00

00:52:17.540 china don't play any games they don't play any games dude when i went to shanghai man they 0.99

00:52:22.120 they're not playing any games oh yeah you did go to asia yeah i went there and did some shows man

00:52:27.920 i did shop perform for the asians man wait no you did a show for the military bases not asian people

00:52:32.980 no this was a this was people right no be real yeah you did how was a lot of expats but there was

00:52:38.320 also some asians i remember a couple at one of the shows some women came out trying to be wives

00:52:42.460 wanted to be wife yeah oh dude i want to say this so i was on instagram maybe a month ago and this

00:52:49.720 pretty hot chick right kept text like not direct message because i'm not i don't follow her but it's

00:52:56.560 like she was messaging me hey does theo respond to his um messages direct messages and i didn't 0.96

00:53:05.760 respond but she's pretty hot i looked at her fucking thing and she keeps asking me like how do i get a 1.00

00:53:12.800 hold of theo i really need to get a hold of them with fans look at your eyes what are you doing with 0.99

00:53:19.500 your eyes nothing this is how i look oh that's what i'm saying yeah yeah but i'm just saying dude 0.99

00:53:24.380 like you know i mean now i can see like you mean very attractive women trying to claw into your shit 1.00

00:53:32.120 really well how does she not just look me up and find me then and say hey you know but i but do you 0.99

00:53:38.500 get a lot of like those messages are you getting you don't want to talk about this no no no i'm fine

00:53:42.460 talking about it yeah what do i get i get you just not respond to them or no some i respond to some i

00:53:47.480 don't you know it's definitely riskier these days yeah after it's like you know you just get really

00:53:52.380 scared about somebody sharing like personal communication you know somebody recording your

00:53:57.060 screen even if it's just like hey what's up or anything you know like can i get your number this or

00:54:01.520 that you get scared of uh i get scared of people like sharing that or like screen grabbing it and

00:54:08.160 like um i don't know it just feels like uh you know people are going to use it to mess with you

00:54:15.260 i mean even after what happened with the leah like a lot of the stuff that got shared about him

00:54:20.400 a lot of the stuff that got shared about him none of it was illegal stuff yeah yeah you know and they

00:54:26.360 just people they're like oh what about this 22 year old woman that he was communicating with you're like

00:54:30.920 well that's there's nothing you know it might be a that's you know there's a difference between 0.72

00:54:36.660 being a dog of a man and being a uh yeah pervert or a criminal perv what i have to say about him 0.85

00:54:43.680 because i didn't and i i i don't want to get in trouble you know that's the thing i i've been 0.94

00:54:48.820 pretty silent about you know talking about this yeah me too but i um want to say one thing which i'm

00:54:56.680 trying to gather the words is that i do the allegations are shocking but i do have to say

00:55:05.940 that he's just just personally one of the nicest generous good guys that i've ever met in in the

00:55:17.080 business you know he he's him and his family have only been even you know when i was struggling and

00:55:23.320 stuff the sweetest people and he's he's only been the sweetest guy you know um and um i've not said

00:55:35.700 that out loud and because you know we live in a world where you know you know you get this fear

00:55:43.060 that like am i going to get canceled too or and whatnot but i i've been also thinking about why

00:55:48.820 can't i say that yeah yeah why can't i say you know that you know chris d'Elia is just one of the

00:55:57.360 nicest guys i've ever met personally in my life you know i've never seen him do all the things that

00:56:03.940 you know he's been accused of doing um i don't and i also i'm also you know i'm on the side of

00:56:11.200 always victims you know i feel you know if people have been victimized but that's not what i'm saying

00:56:16.140 right now all i'm saying is is that you know that's the thing that i've been scared to say because i

00:56:24.060 don't want people to think that i'm defending him i'm not i'm just saying that you know that's what i

00:56:30.880 know of him that he's just being a good guy yeah do you have the same experience i mean chris has

00:56:36.780 been super nice to me i mean you know helpful with work i don't you and i you and him are closer

00:56:41.080 yeah because y'all have more of a history together yeah you know yeah uh but it's just so uncomfortable

00:56:48.760 to say that because it's like you know um yeah and it shouldn't be but it all like yeah it shouldn't

00:56:54.040 mean just because we talk about someone that it means like we don't

00:56:58.620 like support somebody that if somebody was taking advantage of it yeah i i don't support

00:57:05.000 the behavior right that's a the behavior if someone's victimized you know i mean i'm not i i'm 0.90

00:57:13.880 on their fucking side that's not what i'm talking about i'm just saying that why can't i say to 0.98

00:57:19.740 you know i mean that he is just my opinion about him you know it's like yeah totally yeah when 0.98

00:57:26.160 people are more than one thing you know like people are like i said before like people are

00:57:31.120 complex creatures right it's like when people like who's that guy huh he's not here live but he is a

00:57:39.520 human and i know i just i want to say add one last thing it's like the same thing as i feel about

00:57:46.700 carlos mencia right and what went what he went through it's like you know i was his opening act

00:57:53.520 when all that shit went down wow really yeah i was what'd you do do you speak up or did you not 0.96

00:57:58.680 no i fucking cut ties and i fucking ran like a guy wow do you feel bad about that now or no you know 0.99

00:58:03.800 there is parts of me that feel bad but at the time right i wasn't you know i was a guy trying to 0.96

00:58:08.980 make a name for myself yeah it's so hard and it's like i was just trying to you know there's a parts 0.65

00:58:15.120 of me that are god i hate talking about shit like this but there's parts of me that's you know 0.82

00:58:20.020 opportunistic i guess you know i you know i had spent you know how hard it is in the beginning 0.95

00:58:26.560 so i had spent so much time like working on this thing and i just had this fear that i was going to

00:58:32.760 lose everything so i cut ties it from him and and i read on the internet all these things about him

00:58:39.040 and it is true did he steal jokes yeah you know but does that make him evil no agreed there's he's a

00:58:48.780 good dad you know he he's a lot of things i would have i would have never made it without him he's done 0.95

00:58:55.740 so many generous things for me and it's like would i say that shit around you know rogan or no i don't i 0.97

00:59:03.660 keep you know i we that shit doesn't even come up because i know how certain people feel about him 0.96

00:59:08.340 you know i mean but you know um people are complex creatures you know and it's like yeah we and and 0.92

00:59:15.420 somehow like it seems a lot of times like the media just can say that this person is only one thing and

00:59:20.340 then we their label is that and then and then that's the only thing that they are and it's like it's 0.70

00:59:26.820 just so tacky like i think one thing scary it's scary fucking scary dude it's scary true but it's 0.97

00:59:34.160 also tacky it's like in a time when we're supposed to be like recognizing that you know people have 0.50

00:59:41.580 depth and that people are not just one thing they're not just the uh the color of their skin

00:59:46.700 or just their behavior or just this certain one thing you know that everybody has a redemption

00:59:51.300 you know like it's just yeah also it's like movies that i like are redemption movies right

00:59:57.520 people that made mistakes right and then they are able to at the end of the movie right you know

01:00:02.820 make amends and and to change and to learn that's what life is about is to grow and make mistakes fall

01:00:11.260 learn right and adjust or whatever yeah right but in we live in a society now is you make one mistake 1.00

01:00:17.700 mistake or a series of mistakes you're out forever you're done fuck you and it's crazy because we 0.99

01:00:25.320 all make we've all we are all oh my god i made so many mistakes so many made you know i know this is 0.99

01:00:31.720 a comedy podcast don't make them right but this is like we i think just there's certain times

01:00:36.580 where we have to be real sometimes we are yeah you know sometimes you have to be real and it's like 0.91

01:00:42.200 you know especially i'm so tired of this pandemic shit like i'm not living a life look there's never 0.99

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01:02:55.060 podcast take care of it today's episode is brought to you by better help better help you know it's

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01:04:52.000 i've gotten help for myself and i still continue to go to better help.com slash t-h-e-o and now back to

01:04:59.080 the episode i just realized last night i'm not living a life i'm not out doing shit you gotta go to 0.89

01:05:05.960 nashville man it's totally there's no pandemic there really yeah i mean so you go out and just 0.88

01:05:13.200 go to the gym you can go do whatever you want man do you wear a mask it's awesome i wear a mask like

01:05:17.860 when i like walk into a gas station you know so that lady doesn't get mad but yeah yeah yeah but 1.00

01:05:24.440 i also i thought i noticed about a month ago i started feeling like are we all just pretend i

01:05:29.700 started getting this weird feeling like oh we're pretending like there's definitely really something

01:05:34.080 out there but it's just not as dangerous as we thought um yeah i mean because you know how i'm

01:05:40.120 mindful right oh yeah right but then i found i discovered somebody that was even more crazy

01:05:45.880 you know not crazy but you know i invited somebody it's not crazy but i invited somebody to do my

01:05:51.560 podcast you know i have in guests like this oh yeah yeah but i have a plexiglass up you know i mean

01:05:56.560 i was the first guest back in the garage right right and you wear you have to wear a mask when you

01:06:00.080 walk in but then when we shoot we're 10 feet apart you can take your mask off we give you water or

01:06:06.060 sanitize the whole thing right somebody i asked to do my podcast and and this person goes nah

01:06:12.380 zoom or nothing damn right and i'm like you know michael creighton said that to us dude

01:06:18.440 like really yeah yeah we told him to take a walk yes zoom or nothing it's like no i wanted to tell 0.89

01:06:24.600 this person like no dude we're just as fucking paranoid as you are but they're like now that 0.99

01:06:31.200 extreme so you just don't know where people stand with this shit man but it's getting to the point 0.99

01:06:36.340 where you know like have you done stand-up yeah i just got back up where in nashville you did 0.99

01:06:45.720 three sets yeah you did zanies yeah just 10 minutes that's dude the first one was so hard

01:06:50.360 oh it was i literally got out there and uh and backstage i'll be like oh you're gonna be

01:06:59.180 finding my head i'm like no i'm not yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah and i always listen to my head

01:07:05.080 unfortunately and so so i'm up there and man it was scary man i like did a little it was almost like i

01:07:11.800 just did little reenactments of whoever i like whatever my act used to be right right right because

01:07:16.960 nothing has been super funny to me really so it's like it's not like i've been practicing new materials

01:07:21.380 like people are even working on new shit and it's like where you know like yeah the only thing that 0.91

01:07:26.040 happened was a black guy called me the freaking n-word yeah yeah yeah did you now when you did it did 0.98

01:07:31.100 you do all the jokes you used to do yeah yeah i got threw in one new joke uh or one thing that i 0.87

01:07:36.460 thought was funny i mentioned right and it did well but otherwise i'm just kind of working on the old

01:07:41.180 stuff because it's almost like i just need to pick back up where i left off yeah i was thinking

01:07:44.460 about doing like thinking what it would be like to just stand up and i panicked because number one

01:07:48.920 i couldn't remember fully how to say any joke right like because you it's all about before i used to do

01:07:56.420 it in repetition totally there but i haven't done it in so long and also how would i even i was like

01:08:03.980 practicing in the mirror like hey what's up you know good to be here you know what's going on and

01:08:10.400 then nothing else came out yeah was that like that oh it's definitely scary and at about three

01:08:15.200 and a half minutes i said hey this is too nerve-wracking for me i'm gonna get down

01:08:18.320 no really yeah and what did the audience laugh yeah they were just like no but did you get out

01:08:24.560 down yeah i got that oh you just bailed in the middle of the set yeah yeah well there was no

01:08:28.740 time limit on the set the guy was waiting right by the door yeah yeah so uh and oh my god that must

01:08:35.560 have been so i it was uncomfortable was it like now the audience was at capacity it was 150 people

01:08:41.300 they're at half capacity half capacity so the i have my own show actually this wednesday night in 48

01:08:45.980 hours and so i'm in in nashville oh you're going back yep so i'm gonna practice uh over the next two

01:08:51.880 days and watch mold said and and you're gonna do 45 minutes yeah oh it's scary though but now i went

01:08:58.360 back two more time and did other and did uh a couple stories yeah and so it got better oh it did

01:09:04.480 it got better but there's still a lot of freaking rust uh for this first show yeah because i keep

01:09:10.580 getting invited to do like hey you want to do huntington beach yeah right and i just like hey

01:09:14.680 want to come perform in this abandoned creighton barrel yeah yeah yeah yeah or like even like i've

01:09:21.560 had friends go you know i'm doing a show at my house yeah for the who your uncle no i'm not doing

01:09:27.360 it right have you been invited to those weird shows oh ari manis invites me all the time he's like hey

01:09:32.240 you want to come over to my apartment and see who uh files a molestation charge against him the next

01:09:36.260 day and it's like no and he changes the name every time it's like his burrito bash he's like we're

01:09:42.740 having free burritos somebody stole my snake last time yeah i just need it i just need it oh god you

01:09:49.080 need the real environment bobby and that was one thing that was nice was going to a club it was

01:09:53.820 like i'm not doing this in the back of a toyota tundra you know yeah yeah i'm not doing this in an

01:09:59.040 abandoned washing machine about it makes me fucking sweat now bro it was nerve-wracking yeah because 0.93

01:10:05.020 we're storytellers yeah i'm not a topical i'm not like a guy who every week gets up and has like 0.83

01:10:10.720 oh here's seven new jokes no we do evergreen jokes right right we do evergreen jokes that like you can

01:10:16.160 tell you know five years from now that's what i do yeah right now i'm gonna when i go off with a

01:10:22.240 new tour i'll have mostly new stuff but right now i got i just gotta keep i gotta you know but like

01:10:28.460 you have to you know call the elephant in the room right you have to you can't just go up there and go

01:10:34.900 anyway man i had a rough childhood man my dad was crazy he had a funny accent you know you you have to

01:10:40.820 talk about the pandemic and what's going on in the world right i don't know yeah you can't just go

01:10:46.860 up on stage and go like what's up everybody playing it's crazy man my relationship right man you know 0.99

01:10:53.320 don't you hate it when women do this and men do that you know i mean black people's butts are higher 1.00

01:10:58.280 up than white people's butts you know i mean when they do that kind of joke you know i mean yeah i guess 0.99

01:11:03.940 that's true yeah you have to go man at least one line referring to okay you have to say one line 0.99

01:11:11.140 referring to what's going on why why yeah i think you could say yeah happy pandemic or like uh or maybe

01:11:17.500 do a cough and go oh i'm sorry i'm just coughing yeah i don't know or peter pandemic is that a new

01:11:22.480 cartoon yet i feel like yeah um man i'm just like sweating now but just even thinking about it

01:11:30.020 but dude yeah we shouldn't not be able we shouldn't be afraid to speak about our friends

01:11:34.180 or people or even like people that have struggled or suffered or like or you know like anybody we

01:11:40.120 shouldn't be afraid to think to be able to speak out loud about things you know yeah it's i i don't

01:11:45.840 know what i don't know you know i don't know i really you know what what's offensive about it is

01:11:51.340 that you know people thinking that i do know like you know first of all you i here's what i want to

01:11:59.140 say this is the truth all right i don't hang out with you you yeah like i don't in my mind you do

01:12:07.780 no no no but we don't we have two pictures of you on the wall i know i know now i have fond

01:12:13.740 feelings for you my ex-girlfriend has a picture of you and me on her wall no really yeah yeah i have

01:12:18.940 fond feelings for you and if you died bro it would be devastating yeah but like i don't see you

01:12:27.040 right we talk we talk every other week right and they're really quick like did you get that

01:12:34.780 yeah no send it that's pretty much something right yeah what you do your text i go what yeah

01:12:43.440 how is it how is it are you alive yeah right that's the interaction with if we talk on the phone which

01:12:49.820 is rare like even for this you're gonna do monday yeah bye yeah you know it's like i don't so you

01:12:57.660 know for people to think that it's almost like spy yeah yeah for people to think that i know what's

01:13:02.340 going on in people's personal lives it's insane i don't know who you're seeing i don't know where

01:13:06.980 you're going i don't know where you've been you know i don't know who you're talking to i don't 0.95

01:13:12.840 nothing about you yeah so people if tomorrow the fucking cnn or somebody said theo vaughn's 0.98

01:13:19.920 collecting rats again for fucking puppets you'd be like oh wow yeah i'd be like i didn't know that 0.97

01:13:25.980 about him yeah all right yeah there's yeah there's like yeah like i've never been over to like delia's 0.98

01:13:31.740 house you know yeah i love chris i think that he's one of the best comedians i think he's one of

01:13:37.200 the funniest guys yeah of our time yeah yeah but i'd never been he's lived in three houses

01:13:42.760 he's so intrinsically funny i have been to been to his latest house yeah i went to one of his

01:13:47.840 houses and i had a pool he had a pool party yeah and i waited in his pool and like i didn't get

01:13:53.640 invited to that so that's kind of where he and i like yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah i was only invited

01:13:58.980 one time yeah and then i like left and he goes why'd you leave i go i don't like cheetos or whatever

01:14:03.960 and he's like that's all we have you know i mean and then i like he never invited me again yeah i

01:14:08.660 went to dane cook's house one time me too and he bought me a sandwich you did he did yeah he had

01:14:13.600 some weird like party where it was like me him mark maron by swimming pool just y'all three yeah i was 0.98

01:14:20.320 like i don't like this yeah it's this is not fun at all imagine being in a fucking pool party with 0.98

01:14:26.000 mark maron and dane cook yeah yeah it's just like i love that you see shia la booth the other night 0.91

01:14:30.860 on this thing yeah so funny dane was in that what didn't didn't dane do it dane mc'd it yeah he did

01:14:40.680 do it but it was it was is he the one that like facilitated at all no it couldn't be i don't know

01:14:47.420 did he was this his idea because it was sean penn's charity i know that much but oh it was sean parent

01:14:54.280 penn's the one that came up with it yeah it was for his charity wow that's cool oh so he probably

01:14:59.460 needed a comedian and the only comedian yeah what julie roberts is fine oh dude i would right

01:15:06.740 oh oh yeah yeah dude i would freaking lick skittles okay let me look at let me look at the whole

01:15:12.240 bunch let me look at just scroll down all right so i all right dudes every here's are the people i

01:15:19.360 would hook up with okay and even the dudes i would hook up with who's the top one jennifer aniston 1.00

01:15:27.980 yeah yeah maybe i'd go morgan freeman over her yeah no i would do good morgan they said it would 0.83

01:15:35.080 take a eight they said it would take a man 600 years to get an erection i would right i also would 0.90

01:15:40.860 count all his like freckles oh you know his chocolate spots above like you know that you know that he has

01:15:47.080 the stuff that on silent's face like above his pubes so i would dig through his pubes just to count

01:15:52.200 them oh you're a dart and i would look up and go 82 yeah you know what i mean because i got them all

01:15:57.080 and then i um god who was the next one is fine i would do julia what is wrong with me you would do 0.68

01:16:01.760 brad putt you would do brad pitt huh would you hook up with brad no i would not dude i would hook up 0.99

01:16:05.680 with julia freaking roberts dude and if she ever dies i will buy one of her bones off of fucking 1.00

01:16:10.800 okay because she's stunning bro am i hooking up with any of these freaking bottom leaders john legend 0.99

01:16:18.680 ray liota what are those are those smoking cigarettes are those freckles on morgan's face what are they 0.75

01:16:23.780 huh he got them installed somebody said at a certain point it became like a thing

01:16:27.760 right right and he got those uh yeah he got more spots you know what i would do i would get you know

01:16:34.220 if i was black and i could make my face he's a speckled trout right i would i would get his bumps

01:16:38.560 right but i also i would get seal scar oh right just to be so i can tell a story i like that right

01:16:45.800 and then i would like i'd probably have an eye patch oh yeah yeah yeah and if i was black i would have a 0.99

01:16:52.420 small penis if i could make him so that it would surprise girls yeah they go oh i thought that you 0.99

01:16:58.900 know what i mean i'm like nah not this one dude i yeah you got to get that big lincoln long you got to 0.99

01:17:05.180 get that dark wiener next time is that morgan feet what is that a statue of him he he has uh 0.96

01:17:11.920 dermatosis papillosa negra dpn yeah i don't say negra ever again man don't ever say negra again man

01:17:20.960 yeah dude yeah that's crazy i'm gonna say that kind of stuff on here yeah papillosa negra

01:17:26.320 dude i just got six months man

01:17:28.860 congratulations thanks because i worry about you you do yeah no you don't i do do you really

01:17:40.100 yeah like the last time

01:17:42.660 i just here's the deal dude there's not a lot of us i mean i'm gonna give you a compliment

01:17:52.800 all right can i give you a compliment yeah let's be real yeah um i honestly think that you are um

01:18:00.660 either at my level or even higher up in terms of artistry i would agree with part of that

01:18:09.960 and in comedy like that's how i look up to you i think that you have such an interesting voice

01:18:17.500 you and i might be doing this project together it's pretty big we're not gonna talk about it now

01:18:21.760 but it's a very big deal right and when i found out from these two big people they called me and they

01:18:29.000 go it's you and theo i was just like it there's not in my mind i'm like of course it is right so

01:18:36.940 that being said you know i also worry about you too you know because i want you here with us yeah

01:18:44.720 right and it's like you know you and i slipped around the same time right yeah i didn't really

01:18:51.320 i hadn't even talked about it really because i wanted to get six months before i really talked about

01:18:54.980 it yeah yeah and so you know and then there was a time where i i heard and then you hear rumors

01:19:01.320 dude was on pcp on in nashville he ran through a wall 0.61

01:19:04.800 right you're like what he he peed on a fucking midget or whatever you know and so then like you hear 0.98

01:19:12.020 these stories i installed pvc pipe in a wall that's actually what happened yeah so that's crazy 0.99

01:19:17.640 that's just how it translates so then um and then it's just happy because i don't also you know want

01:19:24.520 to pry into your business yeah right because i i know that i don't know you i don't even know who

01:19:29.480 you're seeing right now yeah as a significant other because i just you know that's your business but

01:19:34.480 you if you want to tell me you'll tell me but um yeah i'm happy to hear that dude you know that you

01:19:40.860 have how do you feel thanks man it was hard man it was hard to get it it was hard to get it i mean i

01:19:48.540 you know like and i just never talk about it that much on that like i you know i've always been in the

01:19:54.200 program so i've never like the most i've ever gone without a meeting is probably a week

01:19:58.120 um but uh but yeah i just i was in in hawaii and they i met this dude at a smoothie shop this

01:20:07.800 shaman and next thing you know i'm using dmt you know at his house dude no are you that real and

01:20:13.700 they ran a child care out of there too dude no are you really you did dmt yeah how was it

01:20:17.980 i mean i'll tell you this man i haven't smoked a cigarette since then which is crazy really

01:20:25.580 so it did work i mean there i would like to say it yeah there's no i have no doubt that it that it

01:20:32.500 that it worked man so then dmt you did the dmt and then that's after that you got sober yeah so

01:20:37.960 then i was just like well uh yeah so then whenever i got back home i just got back into um the rhythm

01:20:44.040 of it yeah well i i had known i felt like a little bit before that i was gonna drink you know i just felt

01:20:49.940 i wasn't really doing my program as much as i should i was going to meetings but not doing it

01:20:54.160 but who and then i went to maui and just had me uh so a couple cocktails man nothing crazy really

01:21:00.840 i didn't do anything crazy i never liked drinking yeah yeah so i had a just some tequila and water and

01:21:06.180 you know over a couple days and then i ran into that man at the smoothie shop his buddy had vitamins

01:21:10.360 vitamin d3 and he hooked me up with a couple of free bottles of vitamins and then he he's like hey

01:21:15.140 you got to meet my buddy and then that dude just does dmt come in a capsule how do you smoke it what

01:21:19.840 is it yeah he had like this kind of um little piece it was kind of a like a peace piper kind of

01:21:27.680 thing uh and yeah you did it dude it was crazy and then what does it do with the feeling here's what

01:21:34.120 happened so basically the whole way i interact with the world is from through my eyes ears okay

01:21:44.800 suddenly like

01:21:46.320 there was no difference between like me and like a sound or like a color like everything was all just

01:21:54.960 the same thing and a tree i died and then a tree grew straight out of my mouth up straight up into

01:22:01.560 the air as high as the as high as and it wasn't even the air anymore it was just like this traveling

01:22:05.560 this portal into like i don't even know there was no maps it was all a map it was all a map dude it was 0.94

01:22:13.580 all a sound it was like there's no fucking what the fuck you did there's no maps there's no like all 0.98

01:22:18.820 your senses are just one thing like um like right now i experience the world from me i see i touch i 0.98

01:22:29.380 have a sense of things but suddenly i wasn't the main i could experience everything but as everything

01:22:37.720 suddenly i'm no longer rooted to myself i was just 0.68

01:22:41.300 part of it all man oh fuck i was part of it all i was a piece of sunshine and i was a 0.99

01:22:48.660 so you had a bucket of sand and i was a spiritual awakening 0.99

01:22:52.940 it was what it was mind-boggling man

01:22:56.280 it definitely was way relaxing in a sense like it took a little bit of pressure off of me

01:23:01.940 yeah i want to do that thing where they do maybe not smoke what's that called acapulco what's it

01:23:06.600 called ayahuasca ayahuasca i want to do the acapulco dude i like i want to do it i was watching a

01:23:11.600 documentary it's called unwell it's like a series and people are like and people are like getting

01:23:17.320 spiritual awakenings from what's it called ayahuasca ayahuasca and um so then i turned to

01:23:23.480 kalilah and i go is that a relapse is that a relapse i mean it counts as a relapse just because

01:23:28.940 but i think it's for me i think it's how people count their own time like i know anybody in the

01:23:33.400 most people in the program would say it's a relapse because i know a dude that has a lot of time

01:23:37.600 and and he he said to me once i did ayahuasca like a year ago but i don't count it as a relapse 0.61

01:23:45.980 right so i'm like oh shit is that allowed i don't know you know and i look i think all of it comes down to 0.64

01:23:53.620 how people have their own program you know yeah just because i want to i want to be able to like 0.94

01:23:59.400 do what you just said like see through my eyes and be a part of the tree well i didn't feel like i was

01:24:05.120 using a drug i felt like i was having a experience i want to be a part of the cosmos yeah like i felt

01:24:13.060 like i was using drugs for hey i want to get high i want to change how i feel because you didn't want

01:24:16.500 to probably do it again like oh how do i get more dmt baby you know i mean right it was just like one

01:24:21.540 experience you weren't hooked on it right no i wasn't hooked on it right so it's like i want to

01:24:26.280 take ayahuasca and and and one time and just you know experience it and find but then i'm i'm paranoid 0.74

01:24:35.160 that i'm going to be like a fucking ayahuasca junkie yeah oh yeah you'll be every week yeah living in 0.99

01:24:40.400 the living in the zoo eating fucking leaves when people come by well we'll be taking pictures of 0.99

01:24:44.600 you you'll hold on to them and they'll take a picture of you you know yeah or i'll have like 0.99

01:24:48.060 like peacock hairs on my head and i'll be like a shaman yeah completely naked in the forest with

01:24:52.780 peacock feathers and i'll have like red like mascara on right and i'll be like oh do you put do you put

01:24:58.640 do you put do you and just speaking some weird language and then like you're gonna be like hey

01:25:02.680 you want a podcast i get but do you know i'm you know i'm i'm a bird or whatever i'm your pituitary

01:25:09.180 glad you're gonna trip out yeah so i don't i so i don't know what it's gonna do to me you know but

01:25:17.980 if you're saying that you took dmt and then it was just like chill after that and you it helped you

01:25:22.800 get sober then maybe you know are those gifts off the cigarettes yeah they are it helped me get up

01:25:27.480 i didn't expect it to help me get off cigarettes it just did man can i open them and i'll talk more

01:25:31.600 about it on a regular episode i didn't even really mean to bring it up but no you you brought it up

01:25:36.760 whenever i got it i was on your podcast yeah yeah about bought me gifts yes or did you who

01:25:43.900 bought do you buy them open it i will thank you man i you know no one's got me a gift you're lying

01:25:50.500 kalilah obviously my niece and um you know what is her mom i love her mom but you know what she got me

01:25:57.520 i'm not complaining every gift is a good blanket no she made me rice krispie treats oh but come on

01:26:04.280 yeah you don't do you say thank you i mean 10 years ago that was funny yeah yeah yeah and then

01:26:12.660 gilbert the guys i work with on pocket they gave me a video game chair oh that's pretty cool those

01:26:17.920 are dope man oh dude dope bro this says it's cool huh dude this is dude i love this is a medium

01:26:33.340 yeah let me see i don't know thank you so much it'll fit yeah yeah they i do this collider one of

01:26:40.720 one of these remember i told you uh-uh yeah this is from what from the uh what you said from bobby

01:26:48.740 anyway i messed it up yeah but it's from me

01:26:50.700 but yeah man i figured you would like that and i knew you wanted something to sleep in at night

01:26:57.340 instead of something to keep you warm all this available at theovonstore.com dude this is cool

01:27:02.780 what is this

01:27:03.720 wrecking the wrecking oh my god thank you so much can you show the camera can you show the camera yeah 0.99

01:27:10.400 yeah so i just got dude only hope to be i'm gonna be wearing this shit dude oh yeah i am gonna be 0.99

01:27:15.520 wearing this shit this says uh sexy in that and again that's theovonstore.com theovonstore.com 0.99

01:27:21.760 the rat king dope as fuck and you can make that a dress if you want to put it as a belt too this is 1.00

01:27:26.320 dope as fuck dude all right that's a holiday piece thank you so much man appreciate it you're 0.99

01:27:31.520 welcome man thanks for coming on dude yeah i'm excited about our project man it'd be crazy if it 0.97

01:27:35.760 works out i don't know if we can can we i mean we have to be creative and

01:27:42.560 because i'm going to be honest with you can you cut you cut things out maybe we'll talk about it

01:27:51.280 i'll be honest with you when they contact me i thought it was a prank you did i don't even know

01:27:58.080 you don't even know what it is no oh he doesn't what nick does not know oh he doesn't i mean i

01:28:03.200 didn't keep it from him for any reason i just i don't uh just never well let's just talk about

01:28:07.040 it and then if you want to cut it out cut it out okay how long have we done gone so far

01:28:10.560 hour and a half that's good yeah is that is how it goes i was i'll just be honest with i was a

01:28:15.920 little low energy i'm so sorry is that i i had a blast that was fun yeah i thought it was a lot

01:28:20.240 of fun man i'm just really because i in my head i'm getting paranoid in my head like that you know

01:28:24.480 because i'm trying not to repeat stories yeah yeah oh yeah all of us do man it's all it's so hard

01:28:30.160 that like so i'm like you can't say that because you already said that this date so it's like it's a

01:28:35.120 very difficult thing that's where i'm at right now with podcasting it's like it gets tough man it

01:28:39.200 gets so hard i talk so much that i don't even know what to say anymore yeah so coming here i

01:28:45.920 felt bad because it was like i don't want to let my friend theo down but i just was like you know i

01:28:50.320 want to be able to deliver because you know what sucks about it too is whenever him and i do it

01:28:54.000 together people on the online thinks that we're the best together so it's like i feel the pressure of

01:28:58.960 it too right so it's not it's now not fun i'm a fan and i enjoyed this one so yeah okay but oh so

01:29:06.720 anyway we get a call i got a call from jay and mark duplass you know who they are uh puffy chair or

01:29:14.480 whatever yeah yeah they did uh the documentary of the indian people out in mexico no but they also

01:29:22.560 did um that one with the um they've done a lot of shows yeah yeah they're huge

01:29:29.440 yeah so they reached out about us doing a and so they they have a deal at spotify and they want to um

01:29:35.200 um and that their first comedy they want to put out is a um a podcast with me and theo but it's um

01:29:45.120 scripted and um and being the family yeah we're family we're brothers in it yeah and i'm the asian

01:29:54.960 yeah yeah and and when they pitched me the idea i was like okay i'm i'm in it wasn't just them but

01:30:00.960 because i'm a huge fan of them but it's like i think that you know um it's new territory dude

01:30:08.160 yeah it would be fun i mean it would be interesting it would be fun um

01:30:13.840 yeah i'm liking it working on some of the script stuff now and yeah it's cool maybe i should get

01:30:17.840 more involved when are you gonna move i just got back from nashville yesterday i've been there for

01:30:22.880 three weeks so you already moved no no i mean i'm just there kind of there's nothing to do here

01:30:29.440 i mean you know there's time to spend with you there's time to spend with brendan there's time

01:30:32.800 to do podcasting you know i can't go to the gym at least i can go there and women will beat me you 1.00

01:30:39.120 know yeah yeah as i just came back to celebrate your birthday and spend time with you man

01:30:47.360 that's uncomfortable but are you gonna physically move there uh i don't know

01:30:51.840 you know i definitely would like to have work be based out of there i think um you know we're

01:30:58.240 managing it right now and trying to figure it out but how are you gonna get guests and stuff it's a

01:31:02.320 lot of interesting people there ah one interesting thing is uh david arquette came here for the

01:31:08.720 podcast he lives in nashville oh he does yeah which is crazy so it's like we could have done it there

01:31:14.320 well i know steve burns moving out there um johnny galecki lives there yeah a lot of people

01:31:21.360 about that kid rock um dave ramsey dave ramsey wow um but there's probably tons of people that live

01:31:29.520 there you know yeah and and also just regular people like we're getting a female trucker to come on next 1.00

01:31:34.720 week oh that's um we got a young fella right now an asian guy side kicking in there with us

01:31:40.000 really on the new episode you want to show him a little clip of old boy yeah let me see

01:31:44.160 now do you go out there nick came uh i have yes i helped him set up the studio it was awesome

01:31:51.120 and like he said it's uh pretty normal colin can you text me that video

01:31:57.120 oh i found it and you might recognize him young fellow

01:32:03.360 and he's polynesian he's full poly

01:32:05.200 you have a lot of body hair riley i don't i would have guessed that man honestly

01:32:11.920 really yeah do you have any birth defects or anything like that um i mean i'm a musician

01:32:17.680 like i said but no when you were born were you missing anything to give any birth defects

01:32:22.000 indiana it's uh spanish four

01:32:27.040 in in indiana are you good at charades no not at all you know i always wanted to smoke

01:32:33.440 crack have you had a high drug experience riley i've not i mean you know i'm a christian eagle

01:32:38.720 scout so i'm like the most innocent guy that you will probably ever meet you know in bali they have

01:32:44.080 so many monkeys that a lot of them have gone into bad ones they put them into detention centers you

01:32:47.600 support that kind of thing yeah i support all monkeys whether they're bad or not because asians 1.00

01:32:52.640 you can't i mean you take a razor to an asian you'll barely end up with a damn sideburn on the ground 0.97

01:32:56.640 they're not they're not hairy people are they are the yokozunas hairy i don't think so 1.00

01:33:02.000 yeah they don't they he doesn't have information he's just a guest look that up man he's a sidekick

01:33:10.720 man he's your sidekick why do you need an asian sidekick i'm employing you guys man you know what 0.68

01:33:16.960 i'm saying yeah he's poly bro yeah yeah he's poly man he's from the islands you know come i mean

01:33:24.240 maybe i'll go out there you know well do you ever go to zany's or not i have one time i went there

01:33:28.720 once and three people showed up my show what bro yes when was all this every time you reference a

01:33:34.480 show yeah nobody was there it was so bad where if you went anywhere in america a million people

01:33:41.360 would come out i wouldn't ask them in fact they called me like because santino was there before

01:33:46.640 the pandemic and santino's like dude they want you here i'm with the owner or whatever and i go dude i

01:33:53.360 sold three tickets last time and then she got on the phone and she goes oh that was our bad um you

01:33:58.880 know but i think it'd be different now babe this is before i went podcasting okay so if i went now

01:34:04.880 i would i think when does it end man what do you think the next step is

01:34:14.880 really thank you so much for having me on man i'm a little i was a little low energy today but

01:34:19.440 i did the best i could i you know i'm a friend to you yeah dude we're friends bro yeah i friends

01:34:27.120 you and we together dude what if we were brothers dude i almost wish that this thing that we're working

01:34:36.960 on could be you know i mean i was live action oh like real you know i mean like live action yeah yeah

01:34:45.840 dude and let's yeah we could be brothers we could own a bakery huh yeah so i want to go to um let's

01:34:51.520 see i want to go to let's when it lightens up a little bit i want to go to nashville and visit you

01:34:56.160 yeah i really do do you yeah you would love that i don't want to stay at your house i'll get a hotel

01:35:00.720 yeah yeah yeah i don't want to stay here they have nice hotels there man they're building a soho house 1.00

01:35:04.640 there oh really yeah yeah so i'll go to um so when we know when it like when do you think we're

01:35:10.480 going to have a um vaccine or something whatever i don't know i don't even know who's dying from it

01:35:16.240 i think it's just mostly killing like older people and then i mean nobody wants to say it but it's 0.88

01:35:22.880 killing mostly latinos and blacks you know yeah that's sad so you guys are doing fine oh tuesday 1.00

01:35:29.360 november 3rd oh yeah tuesday november 3rd yeah all right so i'm there so i'll come to nashville okay 0.96

01:35:34.960 because i'll get the vaccine right away okay but thanks for having me on dude thanks for coming

01:35:40.000 happy birthday honestly dude because kalala one of these do you remember i talked i called somebody

01:35:45.600 yeah yeah we got that message man and yeah i just want to let you know that you're always loved here

01:35:51.120 dude we're gonna do these forever dude and if i had a box of love man half of it would be yours

01:35:56.960 my mind is somewhere else but when i find it i'll patch up with here with that little baby sheep

01:36:06.720 there you go

01:36:08.000 now i'm just floating on the breeze and i feel i'm falling like these leaves i must be cornerstone

01:36:18.800 oh but when i reach that ground i'll share this peace of mind i found i can feel it

01:36:25.440 it's in my bones but it's gonna take a little time for me to set that parking brake

01:36:37.120 and let myself unwind and let myself unwind shine that light on me

01:36:43.600 i'll sit and tell you my stories shine on me and i will find a song i will sing it just for you

01:37:05.120 and now i've been moving way too fast on the runaway train with a heavy load of my

01:37:13.920 hands

01:37:17.760 and these rails that i've been riding on they weren't so thin that they're damn near gone

01:37:27.120 ladies and gentlemen i'm jonathan kite and welcome to kite club a podcast where i'll be sharing thoughts

01:37:32.800 on things like current events stand-up stories and seven ways to pleasure your partner the answer may

01:37:39.040 shock you sometimes i'll interview my friends sometimes i won't and as always i'll be joined

01:37:45.120 by the voices in my head you have three new voice messages a lot of people are talking about kite club

01:37:52.640 i've been talking about kite club for so long longer than anybody else so great

01:37:58.240 hi

01:37:58.880 swear 1.00

01:37:59.280 here's a deal anyone who doesn't listen to kite club is a dodgy bloody wanker 1.00

01:38:05.120 jermaine 0.99

01:38:05.840 oh hi i'll take a quarter pounder with cheese and a victory

01:38:10.160 sorry sir but our ice cream machine is broken

01:38:12.000 i think tom hanks just butt dialed me anyway first rule of kite club is tell everyone about

01:38:20.560 kite club second rule of kite club is tell everyone about kite club third rule like and

01:38:26.640 subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts or watch us on youtube yeah and yes don't worry

01:38:32.480 my brad pitt impression will get better

This Past Weekend with Theo Von - September 22, 2020

E297 Bobby's Belated Birthday Party - Bobby Lee 4

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