This Past Weekend with Theo Von - E376 Trevor Wallace

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00:01:43.080 month today's episode is brought to you also by liquid death grateful for them oh i um man it's nice to

00:01:53.720 have some relief from the snow it burnt my skin i didn't know snow could burn your skin up and it

00:01:59.180 can even though it's a a cold feature it can burn you um anyway uh today's guest is a young man out of

00:02:10.580 california and he is uh he's just hilarious you know he's very outgoing vivacious he makes a lot of

00:02:19.520 beautiful um material out there on instagram tiktok um he just he's the viral video you know he's are

00:02:28.560 you that guy that's when you see you just that's his new tour are you that guy um and he'll talk about 0.91

00:02:36.100 it we'll talk about it um you know he's a comedian he's a uh he's just a he's a damn just energy man

00:02:46.480 you know and he puts it out there in ways that people uh like to laugh at and and with and i'm

00:02:53.460 one of those people today's guest is my friend mr trevor wallace

00:02:57.520 and i'll sit and tell you my stories

00:03:10.060 yeah because i'm supposed to head back to i was supposed to head back to la tomorrow

00:03:33.920 uh-huh or tonight actually but my flight got um canceled yeah it's a lot going on out there

00:03:40.080 yeah i always thought nashville was like 72 minimum yeah oh yeah it gets brisk man we just

00:03:46.000 actually just went sledding this morning actually did you yeah how was it i feel like doing anything

00:03:50.080 like i went bodyboarding like a couple of weeks ago insane just great bodyboarding and what is it

00:03:55.720 just body water body okay waves so you're out in the uh what are you talking about in what what uh

00:04:01.740 ocean what ocean were you in santa monica pacific atlantic which one is i'm not good with geography

00:04:08.380 pacific pacific yeah that's an easy one yeah i know my rights for my lefts and north south and east

00:04:13.780 and west but but oceans that's an easy one i don't know that one oceans uh i don't think how many

00:04:20.220 i know oceans 11 yeah i know but could you name 11 oceans you think i think i can name 11 cities i

00:04:27.040 have oceans hauntington hermosa that's cheating bro santa monica venice you riding a lot of that

00:04:33.560 same ocean man that's true i met some people the other day from bahrain where's that's what i was

00:04:40.040 like what yeah i was like are you guys like where'd you meet him huh where'd you meet the airport oh

00:04:46.400 yeah i was like are you guys and i didn't even know what to ask i'm like are you right what's

00:04:51.080 offensive and what's not or just like no not even ethnic ethnical i was just gonna be like

00:04:56.540 are you guys like i didn't even know what to say yeah yeah like are you lost at the airport

00:05:02.060 do you believe in magic you know what i'm saying i didn't know what to ask i feel like they would

00:05:06.320 where is that by the way that's what see that's where i was even where the thing was what was it

00:05:11.240 called again that's all of that was all of that was happening for me at one time so it was like i'm

00:05:15.940 gonna need you to write on a piece of paper yeah they're like we're from bahrain and i'm like

00:05:20.020 bah it kind of sounds like by rent it kind of did you meet joe joe byron it sounds like uh

00:05:26.980 bah humbug too what is that i know what it is but i don't know what it is bah humbug is like a

00:05:34.400 famous saying from christmas that's like when you stub your toe and you're like bah humbug or 0.97

00:05:39.040 or somebody like stole some shit for you like oh bah they got the place 0.83

00:05:43.620 bah humbug was like a famous saying for people that i think weren't uh were angry like if yeah 0.99

00:05:51.220 like if your grandfather like if you asked him for a dollar and he didn't want to write a dollar

00:05:55.820 they'd do anything but cuss back in the day yeah anything but cuss but they would also like hit 0.65

00:06:00.240 people and you're like i feel like there's a better alternative you could just cuss but they

00:06:04.280 would hit them with a cane like are we talking seniors you mean seniors yeah are we yeah seniors i think

00:06:09.260 yeah you uh i remember my girl i had a girlfriend's uh grandmother one time just slapped me right 0.99

00:06:16.240 across the face and her grandfather slapped me after huh after the alley-oop he's like fucking in 0.99

00:06:21.460 my turn batter batter swing swing you know different uh different yeah that is weird what did you do to 0.99

00:06:28.460 deserve that oh made love to their granddaughter i think that's enough that usually what it is

00:06:34.100 i think so if i'm especially and she was she was very attractive and if i'm the grandfather and i

00:06:41.200 have an attractive granddaughter this makes me or just any granddaughter yeah right would and 0.98

00:06:48.360 somebody's making love to her i think i'm not gonna be i think it would be hard to be really stoked

00:06:54.780 about it but yeah because you were too excited then it's weird then it gets a little porn hub

00:06:59.520 categoryish grandpa gets excited over prom day like where's this going i'll watch yeah grandpa's

00:07:05.080 just by the door with like a big like uh listening thing or something you got a red solo cup with a

00:07:10.340 string in it yeah would you be the guy meeting like a daughter and then like at prom are you shaking

00:07:14.640 the guy's hand hard are you kind of just like what's up man good to see you oh dude i like in the

00:07:19.920 movies they're always trying to be like intimidating but like oh i was so i remember wasted at one time

00:07:25.320 at prom we i went to pick up my date right i was too drunk there you go uh you driving or no uh

00:07:31.340 probably floating a little bit i was definitely just on one couple mad dog 2020s just feeling it

00:07:38.820 mario kart yeah i was all different colors red red and blue yeah i was like damn why am i a mushroom

00:07:46.280 yeah i'm not doing real well so you're picking her up oh well i had to send my friend in to pretend

00:07:51.700 he was me because the dad had never even met me was he hotter like buffer uh that's a good idea

00:07:57.120 it was my friend lance yeah he was definitely um he was more he was honestly in hindsight he's more 0.98

00:08:03.120 attractive and here's the crazy part they ended up hooking up oh yeah what is you doing i can jerked 0.80

00:08:10.820 off you went into the house to meet the dad later like you're trying to play some madden real quick 0.96

00:08:14.620 i got too i was just too wasted yeah yeah i feel like worse did you ever you ever get too wasted

00:08:20.080 before a dance all the time i remember one new year's i uh uh we there was a there's a bottle

00:08:25.860 of absolute it's like a hundred proof and it comes like a disco ball looking thing and i remember i

00:08:30.540 like brought it to the party thing and i was like the dude i was like yo i got that this is like

00:08:34.660 bringing you know course light to a frat party we in here yeah but i drank the whole thing and i woke

00:08:38.920 up just under their dining room table and pissed myself oh really yeah so were you laying face down

00:08:45.320 or face up face down oh yeah but i was like under under the table like mentally like in my drunk

00:08:50.940 mindset i was like that looks like a blanket just a levitating blanket oh it was an interesting place

00:08:56.360 to pass out um that's manly the the saddest way to pee yourself is laying on your back

00:09:02.060 just like casket just ready to something about like you're like you would you because here's what

00:09:10.580 happened like you're like like in er or something you're like waiting for someone to put you know a

00:09:15.380 colostomy bag in you for me it's like if i wake up and i've urinated myself and i'm laying on my back

00:09:23.580 it feels like it's the weakest it's just like because i was so vulnerable because i i then envision

00:09:31.040 myself actually having done it somebody walks by and like oh this guy's up pissing himself

00:09:36.800 up pissing himself yeah i don't know it feels weaker face down is sad somebody face down and 0.87

00:09:42.240 pee you're peed himself but if you're on your back and you pee yourself that's like i remember i was in 1.00

00:09:46.220 a frat shocking i was in a frat but like if you passed up with your shoes on people could just fuck 0.99

00:09:50.500 with you right just whatever that was the just tape a coat of that can to your forehead yeah it was 1.00

00:09:55.080 like if your shoes were on you were good and if they're sauconies you're getting your ass beat 0.97

00:09:58.780 yeah exactly but it's like that was such a weird and it was like i feel like a lot of people listening 0.94

00:10:03.620 would know that that was like a general rule if your shoes were on when you passed out you were

00:10:06.980 like fair game you could play tic-tac-toe on the forehead with a sharpie and like no repercussions

00:10:11.180 yeah draw a dick on their cheekbone we had a dude who had who was like men uh he wasn't he wasn't 0.95

00:10:17.380 like he was like paraplegic or whatever and they would braid his legs when he got wasted 0.99

00:10:21.860 like uh like a like a boy scout type of knot no not like a boat knot or nothing yeah that would 0.97

00:10:29.620 fucking that would kill him but just kind of that would braid it up his grandfather would 0.99

00:10:35.240 slappy if you did oh yeah that's what grandpa's coming back in with the so after you got slapped 1.00

00:10:40.120 by grandpa did you would you just take it or you fucking be like i'll fucking pull the double a's 0.99

00:10:44.300 out of your life alert right now oh i remember because i didn't know what their traditions were i think 0.99

00:10:48.600 they were greek right i could see that he's always kissing you on like the cheek so they might be

00:10:53.400 slapping you on the cheek when you get over near the mediterranean you you don't know what's gonna

00:10:57.380 happen you know they they had a little bit of that joe they had a little joey diaz somewhere in

00:11:02.100 right you like hummus i just got big on it really i don't even know i put it on a carrot i was like i 0.97

00:11:08.760 didn't know you could do this it feels like a uh it kind of feels like ranch for bitches 1.00

00:11:14.400 call me a fucking bitch that's i don't know i like it dude i don't like celery because the 1.00

00:11:21.140 strings in it piss me off it's like a guitar in there but i feel like you'd like doing something 1.00

00:11:26.200 you know i can never do it just for a meal like like just a plant diet little much a little much

00:11:31.580 for me i would never um yeah my flight i was getting my flight got canceled that's what we're talking

00:11:38.280 yeah luckily i flew in yesterday it is i mean they were asking if i wanted to cancel shows i was like

00:11:44.400 don't fucking i don't know don't look at me yeah i guess who makes that decision they put it on me 0.98

00:11:49.960 did they yeah they're like do you want to cancel we can move this shit i was like i don't like i 0.99

00:11:54.000 don't know what snow is to y'all i didn't even know that we were in tennessee like i knew we were 0.91

00:11:58.520 in tennessee but like did i know that we were in tennessee right and that's every place you kind

00:12:02.660 of go it's like you don't really you're never in a place long enough to really like you know

00:12:08.360 yeah people are always like sending you messages like hey man come you know we're doing my cousin

00:12:12.820 owns a root beer factory dude we'd love to have you stop by and you want to do all these things

00:12:17.300 it's sometimes it's just a lot to be able to take on but oh it's too much you never really know you're

00:12:22.720 in a place right well i also don't want to make a call based on y'all's weather where i say something

00:12:27.340 and people are like you cancel for that and i'm like i don't fucking know i remember when delia one 0.92

00:12:31.700 time canceled for snow he got so much shit online i mean people were yelling at him and he got a lot of 0.94

00:12:37.300 it for me because he shouldn't have done but that's what i'm saying it's like he canceled for 0.99

00:12:42.240 snow bro which is basically let's be honest gay one okay gay rain okay let's be honest it's very 0.76

00:12:50.740 powdery out there today it's like i was i was i was telling your boy the pretty it's it's nice to walk

00:12:54.860 on you feel like you're like is this the next step to heaven oh i literally i woke up this morning i

00:13:00.160 watch miracle on 34th street uh-huh or 38th street i'm dirt on or off

00:13:04.840 shirt off bro there we go shirt off you know chain on uh chain on yeah chain on no shirt oh how that

00:13:15.040 movie should be intended chain on no shirt yeah that's definitely that is a that's definitely a

00:13:21.760 gypsy wedding i feel like that's like yeah it seems like yeah you're the ring bearer actually i feel like

00:13:26.860 is listening to christmas music past christmas is that what's your take on that like like in june

00:13:31.640 oh i i i been listening to christmas music for probably i've listened more after christmas when

00:13:39.600 the stress is gone from the holiday and the views are down a little lower yeah and the views are lower

00:13:44.460 so you don't feel like you're bandwagoning in but like is michael buble still pulling in plays in

00:13:47.900 june probably i go old school i'm like bing crosby you know like that old like oh gee yeah i don't know

00:13:53.320 what he looks like but it's like yeah i go bing crosby when back in the day they're like i'm gonna

00:13:57.860 start doing christmas music they're like yeah shut up like okay that's that's what you want to do

00:14:02.760 christmas music but now the numbers don't lie oh now i think for certain people it's there but back

00:14:08.680 in the day it's like you oh you think you can compete with jesus christ yeah there was a lot of

00:14:12.640 that back in the early right they're like you don't need to do that like in 70 ad 70 ad some dude's 0.98

00:14:19.000 like hey hey hey i'm doing christmas music yeah fuck you homie yeah he's off the eggnog jesus christ 0.99

00:14:26.940 yeah yeah that is weird it's just weird to wake up one day and be like you know i could fucking 0.99

00:14:31.120 capitalize on some of this x-mix music it's just a week i don't know but there's not a big market in

00:14:38.060 it there's not too many people on the vision board be like christmas music i don't know i think nelly did

00:14:43.380 christmas album did he i think he did nelly was great doing crossovers he did uh tim mcgraw

00:14:50.760 question no who'd he do the florida georgia line maybe there was one with a jet don't remember

00:14:57.460 it might i think it was fgo it might have been it might have been it might have been tim mcgraw i

00:15:02.800 think you're right it might have been i think it's tim mcgraw i can i can picture it in my head

00:15:06.220 let's think about us think about me only just a dream is that it or am i just yeah right we got

00:15:13.180 computers it was only just a dream yeah people love shooting music videos on a jetway just something

00:15:21.120 about the open land yeah i'm just trying to think of this like think about us was it him and tim mcgraw

00:15:27.220 it was only just a dream you probably just type in nelly tim mcgraw collab over and over again over

00:15:36.020 and over again over and over again i keep picking we're talking 149 million views that's big and i'll

00:15:44.280 say this two of them could be mine two male or just two in general here's what i don't now here's

00:15:51.020 what i want to know oh and they look they really i love how they stop it right there does tim mcgraw

00:15:56.540 have a bunk bed yeah let's see that's what i they made a lot of this really first of all they put

00:16:02.800 that skull cap on tim mcgraw which that's pretty hard little kid rock ask it feels hard it just

00:16:09.320 feels like they're really trying to merge artists right you know right so what did they do for nelly

00:16:13.580 to country him out a little bit oh well let's see if we can see nelly packing some copenhagen just 1.00

00:16:17.720 drag that thing over there just so we can see nelly just we don't even need to hear it that's when the 1.00

00:16:22.200 st louis rams yeah this is building they put it in front of a brick building that's kind of country

00:16:26.260 no brick i feel like is from oh they're touching belt buckle okay yeah let's see right there there

00:16:34.460 we go they're touching that's a close-up on belt buckles oh the side now there they so to get nelly

00:16:41.500 really hyped up they put that big belt buckle on yeah they put that flavor flavor really put it right

00:16:46.220 that's how they locked him in for this song and then they got a picture of faith hill right there and

00:16:49.880 then nelly is that is that his wife or i wanted to do sierra i hit on sierra at a party one really 1.00

00:16:59.540 she's a fox when that song uh there was a song that our school dances you had to be hands touch 1.00

00:17:05.940 one two step you had to be your arms length away so tell me about that but when oh so you mean so

00:17:11.020 like in like eighth grade for our dances there was like chaperones and you had to be one arm length

00:17:15.280 away because that was you know social distancing for when you were horny you know you tell me one

00:17:19.140 one arm's length away semen's the original cove it's spreading everywhere dog but when sierra's 1.00

00:17:25.900 one two step or uh goodies goodies that shit when that would come on everybody would break the arm 0.98

00:17:31.380 barrier people would stop that i mean that was like the first time my brain heard something i was 0.98

00:17:36.320 like oh shit we're going to beg you to do who is that guy pd pablo i think it's pd pop 0.77

00:17:42.420 i love what i do that or freak a leak wasn't that was that cookies no goodies good close but when 0.98

00:17:50.000 that came on that was like the first time my body really felt something you know i remember the first

00:17:53.980 porn i ever googled is boobs.com that was the original but the second time i really felt something

00:17:57.980 was when goodies came on at the school dance and that was big that was everybody all the chaperones

00:18:03.240 were like you guys are doing the freak dancing get them away but yeah they always tried to break it up

00:18:07.980 somebody blow a whistle yeah something they would be like come out the closet yeah they had air horns

00:18:13.380 yeah exactly you're lying yeah exactly your shirt's off you're sweating yeah that was the first time

00:18:21.540 oh that was crazy dude school dances man i remember one time going to pick this girl up uh oh freak a

00:18:28.220 leak was that it freak a leak was a uh no goodies is there a song called goodies goodies

00:18:33.020 uh sierra's had jam yeah just just uh no just goodies by good goodies i think sierra goodies

00:18:42.500 goodies sierra oh with pd pablo yeah i think that is that's the same photo on the nightstand no 0.99

00:18:49.440 the second one down it is damn look at me i know my shit dude 0.99

00:18:54.500 there we go subliminal messaging nelly is horny or were they dating probably did they date 1.00

00:19:02.860 i don't think we can play it anyway can we okay yeah regardless i'm playing in my mind a little

00:19:11.960 bit right now but that's but that was like the school dance stuff was uh this was even who'd you go

00:19:19.520 with i think you just went with homies whoa but like eighth grade dances you kind of just showed up

00:19:28.720 and then you just kind of like like in movies you'd sit at the wall and you'd wait to make eye contact

00:19:32.160 with but in high school that's when you would ask the girl oh really we had no when our school it was

00:19:38.620 big you had to get asked or ask at like seventh grade wow and they had different dances man they had

00:19:44.800 sadie hawkins sadie hawkins okay then they had this one dance where they made a big shirt

00:19:49.980 yeah they would sew the shirt sleeves together it was like what's it called like a parachute

00:19:54.540 love lock or something you see how many people you could fit in there no you had it was you and

00:19:58.680 your date so y'all were like a big circle you know by the sleeves yeah yeah and so you were um

00:20:04.260 it had been spring fling or something so they would have these special shirts made for everybody and

00:20:10.180 you had to be like locked in like this yeah so all night you were kind of locked in how did you pee

00:20:14.780 uh your pants you just commit that'd be a weird place to get hard you didn't lay on your back and 0.88

00:20:20.620 do it like some fucking unnatural because then she's laying on her stomach and then she's going out the 0.99

00:20:26.080 honorable oh yeah yeah no i uh i remember one year i asked a girl uh to homecoming in a tiffany's box 0.91

00:20:33.580 but it just said uh homecoming on a on a piece of paper and then i opened it like i was proposing and

00:20:39.100 then the friends of them i went in for the kiss and she he moved the cheek he moved the cheek i mean 0.97

00:20:44.780 yeah i was way out of my league this girl she she was like the girl who had like the the tits in town 1.00

00:20:49.820 oh dude like she was oh you ask anybody for both of them yeah you ask anybody about uh in camero 0.98

00:20:55.620 california about uh about christina i mean she had the bags on her bang bang bags were fully charged 0.97

00:21:03.600 but joe byron yeah yeah i love them yeah but she was awesome and but i was like i was really

00:21:10.160 stepping outside of my britches you know oh i remember this one girl man i think her name was

00:21:15.320 noel right good titty name and she had i don't need her whole body her whole body was made out of tit 1.00

00:21:25.660 dude every part of her body you graze her hand a little bit you're like oh oh dude areola even a high 1.00

00:21:32.460 five felt like it had milk in it you know what i'm saying she just was all tit yeah and i remember

00:21:39.040 somehow he agreed to go to a dance with me i i even remember when i asked her i was so i was on

00:21:45.620 mushrooms when i asked her and i got so hype after she said yes i ran and jumped over a chain link fence

00:21:51.280 and cut my literally cut my hand open and my stomach open did you grip it like you were pole vaulting a

00:21:56.200 little bit no i just tried to jump up completely straight into it oh i was so stoked oh because

00:22:01.280 you're a mushroom yeah and i was like i'm gonna show her this cool trick you know what i'm saying

00:22:04.520 she knows she's dealing with a savage and that was tit girl so anyway i healed up and we went to the 0.94

00:22:10.080 dance and uh and one of my hands was still pretty bandaged up you know my hand where i got and cut 0.96

00:22:16.200 pretty well was pretty bad so i remember she led me like kind of get one of those tits out boy and i'm 0.98

00:22:22.200 just batting that thing around like uh mayweather shit just throwing rights on it oh it was definitely 0.99

00:22:27.220 that's that's what'll heal the hand oh it was some you know yeah some canelo bro yeah yeah let me 0.98

00:22:33.640 right just a little little batting practice with that t-top oh yeah and um and then later on at night

00:22:40.980 she like we're at my friend's house and we're sitting there and they had a pool table and i'm

00:22:45.700 like trying to get like trying to get her underpants off a little with the mid on oh it was so hard and

00:22:51.380 i think she kept thought uh that i was like tapping her on this like i was trying to ask her a

00:22:56.720 question yeah yeah because she would i could see that like what you know because i kept every time

00:23:01.740 i'd like kind of touch her with a bit yeah you should have had her like seductively like undo the 1.00

00:23:05.600 wrap on your hand with her teeth or something going around if going back in time dude i would do it so

00:23:11.260 different but i got so nervous because she was so she was the hot she was the she was just living tit 1.00

00:23:18.120 and i got so nervous that i just kind of i just fell apart and uh how's she doing now i'm sure

00:23:26.000 she's beautiful and has a family same tit like most of the people that i know or most of the you know 0.96

00:23:31.800 like most women that i talk occasionally at night on facebook you know every once in a while you dabble

00:23:37.600 see how they're doing four kids arkansas yeah the evil we're saying yeah call them you a natural

00:23:43.940 tit guy or a uh implant well implants there was a rocky time for implants there was a time where

00:23:53.540 they came out real hard have you ever come across any of those yeah oh yeah i remember uh there was

00:23:58.480 a stripper in north carolina uh green greenville greensboro one of them probably greensboro maybe but

00:24:04.600 she she told me she got hers for like three hundred dollars off and uh i was like i don't think that's

00:24:10.160 something you want to cut you know corners on they were they were still good but they they kind of

00:24:14.840 look like um you ever remember those old school dvd or like dvd stacks where it'd be like a tube in

00:24:19.460 the middle then all the the dvds were on it it kind of looked like she had two of those and with like

00:24:23.540 a little bit on top too because it kind of looked like a nipple they were solid but i know what you

00:24:27.480 mean they were like there was some really yeah there was a lot of uh some of them were very

00:24:32.800 they're like shifty like you could kind of like like you know how people can like move the like

00:24:36.820 knee kneecap yes like you could do that with her tit yeah some of them you could yeah it seemed like

00:24:41.480 you could kind of like you could almost um shift gears yes yeah it seemed like uh six like you

00:24:48.220 were driving an 18 wheeler yeah there was some real dude there was a girl i met one time in raleigh

00:24:54.500 uh north carolina great city and her breasts were like these they were almost like a you ever seen 1.00

00:25:01.920 like a um like a baby have like a poop diaper you know yeah and if you squeeze it it stays in that 0.98

00:25:08.280 shape oh tempurpedic yes but it didn't go back it did her tits would kind of if you squeeze them 1.00

00:25:14.480 they would stay there yeah i don't know what is tempurpedic's whole deal about putting wine on the 0.98

00:25:19.180 bed and just jumping i think a lot of couples that's like the highlight of their just putting

00:25:23.960 somewhere low on the corner and getting after it if you never left town that's uh that's your summer

00:25:28.940 olympics that's a honeymoon right there grab the franzia we're getting after it oh i think it's a

00:25:34.620 lot of people yeah and then some you know i don't know i think i think if i was a girl i'd have really 0.95

00:25:41.000 weird tits i think i just have weird i think you have a very model body for a young woman yeah 1.00

00:25:46.700 is that a compliment a girl recently that had a body like you was it me 1.00

00:25:49.900 i don't know what type of body i'd have i think i'd be the the girl with no ass but like knock 0.99

00:25:57.900 just like you know with them gangs yeah just bagged up ready to go yeah i think i would just have 0.97

00:26:06.140 but i don't know i think i'd have weird areolas that's my biggest insecurity

00:26:09.780 i i know your body style you're not gonna have we you think you'd have big areolas 1.00

00:26:16.320 i think i'd have weird ones like you know the ones that kind of just like disintegrate into the sea

00:26:19.880 of skin yeah they fade out yeah i think i'd have those i kind of like those you know it's fun you

00:26:25.500 don't know where it starts or it stops kind of like the ocean where's the atlantic where's the

00:26:29.980 pacific just that incoming outgoing tide like sometimes it looks like a little more yeah

00:26:34.760 skin a little more areola you know i think about it i remember the first time i met you

00:26:39.620 i was hosting uh it was like 2017 in oxnard and you had your shirt off it was after a show and

00:26:45.440 you just had your shirt off and you ordered uh what's the tuna called sashimi you ordered a

00:26:51.840 ahi tuna salad but you're like i don't want the salad and i'll never forget that moment and the

00:26:56.780 waitress was so confused she's like so you don't want the salad you're like no i want the salad but 1.00

00:27:00.200 i just want the tuna she was so confused and you had your shirt off for that fuck yeah and that's 1.00

00:27:05.880 all i remember savage yeah and i was my first savage move it was really savage and then you said 0.99

00:27:12.040 something after you're like i can't believe anybody can just have babies and then that was it

00:27:15.640 and i still can't but i was just like this is double power moves shirt off well actually triple

00:27:22.220 shirt off ahi tuna just opinions yeah i was just like yeah man so what do you want me to say up there

00:27:29.060 about you what were you were you were performing there i was just hosting i was hosting oh that's

00:27:34.440 out in uh oxnard that levity live out there i was just hosting the show that's probably about four

00:27:38.340 years ago five it was a while ago yeah and it who was featuring but i just remember like in but it

00:27:44.320 was a two-show thing and it was like in between the two shows you were just eating ahi tuna with

00:27:48.140 your shirt off living but bro you had the shirt off today watching christmas movies oh maybe i'm

00:27:54.260 living wrong yeah you could be maybe i'm wrong you could be wearing too many skins man that's maybe

00:27:59.380 what it is um yeah my flight got canceled dude uh that kind of i always get i always wonder when my

00:28:07.200 flight gets canceled if that's god looking out for me or not yeah i think my flight yesterday was

00:28:12.160 an old plane it had the the tvs that stick out of the seat like the brick ones that almost look like

00:28:16.840 a thermostat a little bit it's like a tan box yeah it was delta but it was the pilot was pissed i had

00:28:22.480 my foot on the wall and he goes that's not a very uh he goes that's not a very mature thing to do take 0.98

00:28:26.860 your foot off wow he said it like it was his plane which look i understand he's flying that bitch by all 1.00

00:28:32.020 means but he said it like he like pulled it out of the garage like he was collector delta 747 well 0.96

00:28:36.760 it's also that's a very subtle way of saying you're in first class also i do want to say that

00:28:41.280 you know you know when you're flying first class from la to nashville that's a that's a 300 upgrade

00:28:47.200 and i was feeling myself first weekend back of uh you know i was feeling myself a little bit there's

00:28:51.480 only one place on the plane you can put your foot on a wall or the very back the stewardess

00:28:56.200 you just got it up on the coffee maker yeah i mean the stewardesses are getting they're all on 0.95

00:29:02.480 their phone now they're just listening to loud music like tv shows watching coco melon and shit yeah 0.84

00:29:07.740 it's great it's definitely a different vibe out there now in the skies you know but you know i uh 0.94

00:29:12.760 i feel like they nobody wanted to be there the pilot was like pissed he was there because somebody

00:29:16.340 used you know pilots use the same front bathroom as everybody else oh yeah they'd have one in the

00:29:20.540 cockpit it's so weird that uh my ex-girlfriend's dad was a pilot and they used to urinate

00:29:26.020 into a jug up there i think like a folgers can would make sense well i mean that's probably old

00:29:32.000 school but like they're real old some guy brings a metal can to urinate yeah but but folgers now are

00:29:37.440 are plastic so i feel like that's a banana yeah it's not good for the environment if a plane goes

00:29:42.340 down that that see i just wonder is god looking out for me is like like could this plane go down

00:29:47.120 you know i know i feel that do you ever think that that could happen do you ever feel like

00:29:52.480 because when i was younger it happened a lot getting canceled uh getting canceled by god

00:29:58.580 dying in a plane crash i do i had that fear yesterday because the pilot was i've never

00:30:01.940 seen a pilot piss and he was an older gentleman i've never seen somebody like mad mad and it's

00:30:05.740 like we're about to take off you know somebody rub him off a little bit or give him some cbd

00:30:10.360 gummies because he was on one and i was like this is the guy in charge of the plane you know that's 0.97

00:30:15.060 the guy everybody else is bullshit like think about how you drive right think about how you drive 1.00

00:30:19.220 when you're having a tough day you're you're fucking you see red lights as a suggestion you're 0.99

00:30:22.900 like maybe so i'm like on takeoff i had this weird euphoric feeling was like what if he just did a 0.95

00:30:27.760 nosedive what if what if today's the day is like you know that is once dude think about a pilot

00:30:34.280 you really are you're that you you really have the ability to say who who want who how many you want

00:30:41.460 god yeah you know what i'm saying in your hand how many you want god and also 10 dozen yeah 0.99

00:30:46.820 because i got 10 this asshole got his feet on the board so let's take him out delta should be 0.98

00:30:52.580 who is the pilot's wife how is she doing that's what i'm saying in care of them they got to be 1.00

00:30:57.520 treating these people i salute uh pilots when i get off i go thank you for the flight because

00:31:02.100 everybody nobody makes eye contact with the turning they say thank you to the flight attendants

00:31:05.820 which i get that but like the pilots are the you know like salute i'll lean in there and yes i'll say

00:31:10.200 kiss them on the cheek good job fellas yeah or ma'am yeah right and i'll say that even at the same

00:31:15.620 fellows or ma'am and they know they don't know and even the lady if she's a female pilot she wants 1.00

00:31:20.500 to be called fella she's got a little more gray hair than usual you're like i see what you're doing 1.00

00:31:25.040 with that toupee i see what you're doing yeah some women just want to go so hard that you they want 1.00

00:31:30.180 you to call a man right fella but that's i feel like pilots don't get enough uh credit also if i was

00:31:35.280 a pilot i would be like i would go on the intercom be like i sure would love some starburst right now

00:31:39.200 and then i'd wait for somebody to be like come bring it up and then if nobody does i'd be like y'all

00:31:42.940 want turbulence a little fucking rattle rattle what do you think like dude one this guy dan 0.98

00:31:48.180 gilbert you said the best joke and he still has it because it's his joke he said turbulence is a 0.97

00:31:52.620 as a button that rich that people in first class press i wish i had that yesterday i don't know 0.95

00:31:58.320 fuck with everybody back there row 23 y'all awake yet they should have or if you're playing those games 0.96

00:32:05.420 where everybody on the plane can play and you win you should be able to get a little remix them a 0.99

00:32:09.940 little oh yeah just see what's going on stir them up a little bit yeah i uh i always think that like

00:32:13.800 if my phone's not on airplane mode like it's it's gonna fuck something up i but but then i've been

00:32:17.520 on flights where i forget to turn it off and it's the same flight so that's something i want to know

00:32:21.640 is airplane mode a hoax

00:32:23.300 you know a lot of things have i think they used to have like

00:32:28.900 probably you know back in the day they probably what was before that

00:32:34.260 before airplane mode yeah just turned it off

00:32:38.400 or right then they had air they had like silent mode because airplane mode such a specific

00:32:44.340 thing i don't even know what it does it just blocks calls yes it's supposed to stop the signal

00:32:49.380 but nothing can stop the signal my phone i saw my phone the other night get up and get something to

00:32:54.520 drink like this thing's been off my phone just get a mountain dew code red right now

00:32:59.940 yeah i don't know but that's the thing i i like are you a superstitious guy

00:33:04.740 oh yeah so i'm like that too like before i take off i'll be like like i won't turn my airplane

00:33:09.040 mode back on until the wheels touch the ground because i don't want to fuck up airwaves you don't 0.92

00:33:13.120 want to be in that bag you know i really like when i'm when i'm traveling i like to have something

00:33:18.240 on my feet you know you see some people do barefoot traveling and most of these people are indigenous

00:33:24.220 people or uh i don't want to say homeless but could you know could be homeless but all birds

00:33:33.640 are what i like to wear when i fly i like to have my all birds on they just have a comfortable it's a

00:33:39.960 comfortable shoe it's it's classy but it's also relaxing it's like you're it's almost like a it's

00:33:49.520 like you're in the library but you could also go for a nice jog if you needed to that's what they

00:33:55.880 do that's right they got a new shoe the wool dasher mizzle our weather repellent performance

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00:34:24.940 run or your foot grab a pair of the weather repellent wood wool dasher mizzles wool dasher mizzles

00:34:33.500 they it there's just something about i haven't i haven't worn that style yet the style i have is

00:34:40.500 more i think of a comfort based style but this winter keep your feet cozy and dry with the all birds

00:34:47.200 wood dasher wool dasher mizzles discover your perfect pair at allbirds.com today that's allbirds.com

00:34:59.220 that's right i wear about a 10 and 10 and a half and i enjoy them you know people are trying to lose

00:35:05.180 weight right now people are trying to save money people are trying to use less do less things quit

00:35:10.940 cigarette maybe quit doing sex or something outside of their marriage people are trying all kind of

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00:36:25.660 yeah sometimes i think when the flight gets canceled that that's like i just want you know

00:36:30.680 and maybe it's egotistical to think that it's like oh is that no is that part of god saving my life

00:36:36.660 because i would rather that than like you know when you get you like board the plane like oh we got to

00:36:40.460 work on the engine for like two to three hours like that doesn't make me feel better like just

00:36:44.080 lie to me be like the pilot had to go get some egg bites from starbucks right like like when they're

00:36:48.420 like oh we're working on the engine we'll be good in a sec like i don't want to know that yeah but i

00:36:53.360 it used to be dicier you would hear the dude in their work and you'd see a guy with an oil can

00:36:59.580 right it said oil on it oh yeah yeah he was a cartoon figure what is going on and i don't want

00:37:07.040 to know anything about like like i literally i i edit a lot of my videos on flights because i don't

00:37:11.740 want to think about the fact that i'm like just in the air like when my phone dies and like the it's

00:37:15.540 just like the tv on the plane's like not working and all i have is my thoughts that's the worst flight

00:37:19.740 of my life i'm just sitting there thinking really i'm just i have a lot of anxiety in that sense of

00:37:23.600 like you know my whole childhood was that we didn't have because they didn't have phones yeah i mean 0.73

00:37:28.140 i don't know what the fuck i did growing up probably like sudoku puzzles or some dumb shit or like made 0.90

00:37:31.840 it tic-tac-toe but i like i like i need to do something so i don't think about the fact that i'm 0.95

00:37:36.200 just like in the sky right it's yeah yeah i guess it's interesting i guess part of the thing of a

00:37:41.960 flight is to try to trick people you think they try to trick you more to thinking that you're in the sky

00:37:46.900 like on the inside of the windows draw have like a forest or something or like a glass bottom floor

00:37:52.460 just like but put like one aisle just one aisle and you get to pay extra for it like row 13 you 0.97

00:37:58.040 just get to see below you that's kind of hard bro i'll tell you one time in the fucking flight with 0.97

00:38:03.780 the feet one time we were landing somewhere and it was a uh prop plane right so what does that mean 0.92

00:38:10.380 it was just a small plane oh the connecting flight ones are scary yeah it was a real small one so

00:38:15.960 you can only see the propellers something hit uh down bounce down the side of the plane right

00:38:22.160 oh no oh that bro is great because there's only a couple things it could be you're in the air

00:38:28.520 you know bird bird alien kevin yeah smaller plane person you know loose person skydiver yeah so i'm

00:38:39.620 like what so everybody's like what you know some guy's like i know what it is there's always some

00:38:45.760 guy there's always some guy who looks over and he's like yeah that's actually just the tropical storm of

00:38:50.660 the stratosphere yeah and there's his wife's like shut up every it's four jack daniels bottles spilling 1.00

00:38:56.580 out from his waist so did you ever find out what it was we got out bro and no joke in the front

00:39:02.300 um in one of the um rotors yeah right there was a bird thing mangled like a um wings

00:39:14.860 enough of a wing enough of one or you knew what happened oh it was like a mallard no no it was

00:39:22.640 bigger than that i think it was probably pelican or damn i mean to yeah because usually to rattle a

00:39:28.420 plane but i will say some of those connecting flights where you got to like you land in like 0.52

00:39:32.220 seattle but you got to go to spokane and it's one of these like mountainy flights yeah and you can

00:39:36.340 still see the propeller on the it's like an uncovered propeller you ever taken one of those

00:39:40.080 oh yeah that's what i'm talking about right this was one where something got you know oh part of me

00:39:45.040 wonders because i felt us go off course a little part of me wonders if one of the old dogs up there

00:39:49.880 was like you know what yeah i'm about to well no i'm gonna hit some oh oh he's like i'm done

00:39:55.460 because how hard would it be if you're having a bad day you're talking you know and you're just

00:39:59.420 a mallard your wife's doing something you know it's something with your husband because there's 0.81

00:40:03.660 a lot of gay pilots now too which i'm fine with it but it's just like do we know enough about their 0.98

00:40:10.660 relationships to know if the guy can if something goes bad oh like i feel like we know enough where

00:40:17.160 like if a straight man in a straight relationship if something gets real bad the guy there's been

00:40:22.600 enough study where he's maybe not going to crash right is a gay dude or gay woman just going to be 0.71

00:40:26.620 like you know i guess i would love to see a pilot with a mood ring on it you know but like when they 0.54

00:40:32.080 don't know about when they don't know about but if i walk on and it's like blue or green i'm like okay

00:40:35.600 they're feeling all right but it's like bright red or yellow yeah we might need uh might need to delay

00:40:40.060 this a few hours go get some some chamomile or something with these there should be intel on the

00:40:44.940 so you can look even on the app it's like hey you know uh like you know samuel ronda whoever the

00:40:52.480 pilot is yeah yeah because even on uber it says like their favorite activities the parks favorite

00:40:58.220 sports team but i want to know more about the pilot yeah also i think like you know i'm sure they

00:41:02.180 have a lounge for pilots but like they should have like the delta sky club should be for pilots

00:41:06.540 right like just play so they can just post up crush a couple michelobes i don't know but i uh i

00:41:12.880 don't know if you can drink i know globe okay yeah or a non-alcoholic one just to feel like

00:41:18.640 they're doing something yeah just to give them that like that edge mentally well actually never

00:41:23.920 mind that's a terrible idea i don't know man now you got me wanting it yeah it's just one because

00:41:30.420 i bet if i'm a pilot there's no way some of them aren't drinking man one of my ex-girlfriend's dad

00:41:35.220 my childhood girlfriend dad was a pilot or he and he had a couple extra families and everything dude

00:41:39.760 he had like it was crazy bro he was really just you know being the best pilot you could be oh yeah if

00:41:46.060 i'm gonna be landing if i'm sleeping here after year yeah he's pumping yeah i'm i'm having some

00:41:51.240 kids yeah well i've met people at my shows yeah like on like a friday night they're all like a

00:41:55.960 little hammered like yeah man we're all pilots at the local airport and they're all like hammered

00:42:00.240 hammered and i'm like they're not gonna be hammered in the morning but like a little hung over

00:42:03.360 a little on edge yeah because here's the thing you can't assume that pilots have a magical power

00:42:08.720 maybe they do maybe part of going through the air force and going through flight school they're like

00:42:14.200 they start to weed out the people who have really bad hangovers i bet they do

00:42:17.760 yeah can you be hung over and in the military yeah that's the military okay

00:42:23.520 it's just called the but i just feel like they just plow right through mentally you know they just go 0.95

00:42:30.920 hoorah and they fucking beat the shit out of that hangover yeah i mean i don't know they got it 0.99

00:42:36.920 though they they have the hangover to beat the shit but they just cruise right past it yeah um 0.99

00:42:42.260 what uh do you i i you don't strike me and i don't mean this to be offensive to you but you 0.98

00:42:48.160 don't strike me as the kind of guy that would survive in a plane crash type of scenario you are

00:42:53.100 correct i don't think i would do well i was thinking about that yesterday on flight if i'm

00:42:57.260 going down what am i doing am i dapping up the homie next to me what am i doing am i reaching a 0.53

00:43:00.860 couple rows back just to tell uh an elderly man like thank you for your service i don't know

00:43:06.580 thank you for your service being old just putting up with millennials i just got out of jail he's 1.00

00:43:11.540 probably what if he's a pedophile he's a teardrop jail yeah teardrop tattoo uh yeah i don't think i

00:43:17.440 would do well i mean i don't think i would do well in a lot of tough scenarios you know really but say

00:43:22.200 you crash right you crash yeah what is some of your first moves when you're on the ground these are

00:43:27.920 these are the things you got oh we're we're make like you're not on impact i'm not splat you crash

00:43:33.660 okay but i am alive but like i'm a little mangled you're alive you're probably you're doing a no

00:43:40.080 how about this you're pristine okay big word people are like oh i look good like fine i mean

00:43:46.540 literally like every movie action hero i have like one star right here you almost look better than

00:43:51.940 when you went in i look like that dude in the the insurance commercials what's his name oh yeah 0.93

00:43:56.040 yeah um what is that guy's name what first thing i'm doing damn all state guy oh uh what's like

00:44:05.420 danger something cool yeah danger danger rick or something guys hot first thing i would do what do 0.73

00:44:11.140 you do because this it's important the first thing you do is important because you're on an island you

00:44:15.220 guys there's no police coming probably a couple weeks wow first thing i'm doing um

00:44:21.380 right checking my phone no that's not being honest you can check it it's that's not that's 0.99

00:44:30.700 done i the worst is it going to be some idiot on the beach the whole time like trying to get their 0.96

00:44:35.520 phone to work like holding up at the sun yeah shaking like asking the stewardess can i get more 0.99

00:44:40.120 coffee the stewardess doesn't have an arm does anybody yeah like anybody got boost mobile nobody has

00:44:45.680 boost mobile in general yeah i realistically i think i would probably try to get the youngest

00:44:52.200 people out of the plane of the crash first but even that's weird you're just on an island yelling

00:44:55.760 for babies well because they have the most potential in life isn't because or you say

00:45:00.580 seniors and ladies first i think is it i think so unless it's changed maybe this is where the

00:45:06.780 difference i think in just like and this is where things are changing it's like save the baby

00:45:14.200 yeah but you can't just be young where's the kids at little weird in 2022 where's the kids the first

00:45:20.560 thing you land you go where's the kids at they're like all right you should not if you just saluted

00:45:24.940 the guy behind you that's the first thing you salute and say where's the kids at i don't know what

00:45:30.380 where do you who you saving first what's the first thing you're doing the first thing you got to do is

00:45:34.780 be able to provide food for everybody where oh like on the island yeah trevor okay the first thing you

00:45:39.920 have to be able to do is provide food for everybody because people need to know if you're a leader or not

00:45:44.200 that's true because if you're not a leader out of the gate then i think you're you risk you take

00:45:51.300 on a lot of risk uh i don't think you need to be like insane alpha no you know you don't want to

00:45:57.980 fake it i'll take you take the shirt off i'd probably take your shirt off or i'd rip the shirt 1.00

00:46:03.120 off just to assert dominance maybe just one sleeve or something no i think if you're gonna here's what

00:46:08.160 you don't want to happen you don't want to try to rip your shirt off and you can't get it all

00:46:10.820 can't do it i've seen that happen at many frat parties it always gets it always is caught on the

00:46:14.600 collar part because it's different stitching up there well yeah and the collar won't break yeah

00:46:17.660 people are like and then they just like pretend like that was their plan the whole time yeah we

00:46:21.940 know you're doing thorbin we know what you're doing we've been off already yeah i mean i don't know i i

00:46:26.420 think um so you gotta feed everybody so the first thing you have to get is probably you're gonna get

00:46:31.860 have to get some small ground game so you're gonna want to do probably squirrel is easy to hunt

00:46:37.040 pheasant is one of the easiest things to pheasant is oh pheasant's really easy if you've just cut

00:46:42.920 a crop or something pheasant's wall i know what a pheasant is but also what is a pheasant i've seen

00:46:47.760 them little bitches but they uh they're like not squirrels but they're not chipmunks a pheasant is a 1.00

00:46:53.960 oh it's a bird so you're not it's a small bird it's a small chicken i grew up in california my whole 0.94

00:46:58.960 life i don't understand that i know pigeons and seagulls oh dude oh these little guys oh yeah these

00:47:03.600 bitches are legit baby they're basically like a mexican they almost look kind of mexican 1.00

00:47:06.740 uh they all have a nice little like diamond chain on them they got a little like they look like one 0.97

00:47:12.140 of the you know like the mexican guy that comes in with the like the uh uh mariachi yes that's what

00:47:17.960 they they seem like they have that sort of they look fast circumstance about are they not fast i feel

00:47:22.820 like catching that would be a little hard uh pheasant's one of the easiest things to catch if

00:47:27.040 you are if you're stuck somewhere and you need to cook for people i i already i can tell if you if

00:47:32.220 you're going to be like more of a sous chef you're going to be like the guys i do coconuts because they can't

00:47:35.920 move yeah birds got legs and wings coconuts none of those they're just chilling you don't really

00:47:42.560 have an option yeah so coconuts is good man so you could get some coconuts i think another thing you

00:47:46.960 could prepare for people if you want or capture for them squirrels um what else is something that's

00:47:53.320 easy rabbits is a little trickier than you would think if you could get turtle that's an easy thing

00:47:57.960 but you're gonna have to be able to get it open yeah here's the thing or you just use a turtle

00:48:02.380 shell to like chop uh coconuts back on you don't hurt the turtle but use its back as like a uh

00:48:06.840 cutting board yeah you can't be the guy who's like let's don't hurt the turtle in a plane crash you 0.96

00:48:10.660 gotta because here's the 2022 man that's me that's our millennials we're pussies we're like let's get 0.88

00:48:15.180 the turtle but let's not like i'll sacrifice the coconut shell but i'm using it for shoes after 0.90

00:48:19.360 i need to use everything yeah i'm the stationary guy right there right there look at that and that dove is

00:48:25.540 a beautiful bird man i saw i've actually had dove they had two brothers live by me at my old

00:48:29.800 apartment complex and there was always grilling dove outside grilling dove i thought doves were

00:48:36.360 always white no um what are the what are the ones they release at you know there's a church dove that

00:48:42.500 funeral dove dove uh where do those birds go after funerals you're also talking they just let

00:48:49.500 them go and they just do they like track them down there's usually a handler that's like about

00:48:53.200 probably quarter mile away and they fly to that guy oh really yeah there's a guy usually parks at like

00:48:56.920 uh and they know a strip mall or whatever they got like a it's all uh my iphone type type thing

00:49:03.300 i don't know if they have that they used to have homing pigeons where oh yeah um bobby kennedy was on

00:49:10.440 and he talked about when he was a kid they would take homing pigeons and they would put them on the

00:49:14.900 train and they would ask the conductor to let him go let them go when they got to like virginia yeah

00:49:21.560 you know and then whoever's homing pigeon flew back first that's who won it was like him and

00:49:26.400 tough mutter but for the sky yeah i mean they've been doing this forever the carrier pigeons birds

00:49:31.740 are great at this birds have always been a messenger you need to prepare a dove for somebody you know

00:49:36.340 how to cook a dove grilling i guess you could grill yeah i think it'd be easiest probably enough to

00:49:42.240 have fire squirrel what is this animal easiest oh this is this article is easiest animals to hunt for

00:49:47.960 beginner that's you that's his eye dove squirrel there you go pheasant coming in oh there we go

00:49:55.700 what does it say there pheasant or excellent game bird that bird only has one leg he's all ready to

00:50:01.780 take out you just play you want to play a game of hopscotch and then it just falls over he's throwing

00:50:06.440 a chokehold oh yeah that bird is ready to party what are pheasants they're just homies of chickens 0.98

00:50:12.740 they're just in that same realm you know that's a great statement and let me see right homies of 1.00

00:50:16.560 chickens is that actually what webster's dictionary says remember to be patient and have fun with your

00:50:21.940 hunting adventure hunting pheasant is a great pastime it's especially fun to do with your

00:50:27.680 children if you're getting them into hunting at an early age there you go um 11 people downvoted that

00:50:35.580 so that's 11 people who had to time pheasant pheasants aka me yeah if you go to the article 11 0.95

00:50:41.320 people downvoted it so i was one of them but 38 were like fuck yeah thumbs up brother no they put 0.64

00:50:49.280 easy to hunt that's what they're oh yeah but that's 11 people that were like it was a tough 0.97

00:50:53.940 tuesday yeah so let's go down a little bit more raccoon i can see that they're already in the trash

00:51:01.360 can you just close the lid and they're kind of done for yeah but you didn't but then you have to be

00:51:05.520 willing to set fire outside of the can and watch them and let them burn in it it's kind of like

00:51:10.420 that using that green egg traeger yeah have you ever used that yeah yeah oh that's great the traeger 0.99

00:51:15.140 type or the the little pellets yeah i mean that's definitely a white that's a white trash traeger 1.00

00:51:20.720 right there where you set fire outside of a garbage can that has a raccoon in it i mean you're eating in

00:51:25.620 two hours but it is it's got a good season it's kind of like a cast iron in there you know all the

00:51:30.720 different years and years of food and seasons in there that's a good point man not bad good point

00:51:35.180 and let's look at animal number five too to see what animal was duck ducks make sense bread all

00:51:39.940 you need duck is basically a mentally handicapped uh bird let's be honest i mean because birds are 0.98

00:51:47.740 supposed to be flying and you see something sitting in the water it's almost like if you ran up on a

00:51:53.480 couple dudes like bobbing for apple but with your fist yeah it's like you ran up on a couple dudes

00:51:57.920 they sitting in the water you're like oh these dudes coming in like i feel like birds are almost

00:52:02.320 looking for it ducks are ducks sorry yeah i meant that birds in general and that's enough i don't

00:52:08.260 want to know all of them let's don't see all of them i want to save some for the people at home

00:52:12.680 well just to think for myself too i don't want to sometimes i don't like knowing you don't want to

00:52:16.900 see that animal in public and be like that's a seven right there i'm not gonna go for it well yeah

00:52:21.420 and we know and we know enough now to either be able to survive or not i think lizards would be number

00:52:26.420 deep but there's not enough well to catch there's not enough meat on them

00:52:30.100 could you do it though you think you could survive it no i don't think damn i mean there's only so

00:52:36.020 many know in your heart i'm asking you seriously uh i i mean i would give it a solid try but you know

00:52:42.260 i get mad if my coffee's too hot at starbucks that's not the type of guy who's gonna make it

00:52:46.280 in wilderness right you know and you got to be willing to sacrifice somebody immediately the first

00:52:50.780 thing you need to do is take somebody else's life in order to show that you are dominant yeah i don't

00:52:56.260 think so because i remember one time i was really drunk in college and i tried to fight a guy and i

00:52:59.160 went to go smash a glass bottle and the glass bottle didn't break so i don't think that i i

00:53:04.240 would that was my you're like i'm just recycling yeah right that was my t-shirt tear it didn't break

00:53:09.640 and and after that you know i play that back in my head a lot when i think about alpha situations 0.51

00:53:14.100 manly shit and i and i just don't think you know i would give it a good go but i would piggyback on 0.83

00:53:19.380 other people like i would become friends with the guy who could catch a boar right and then i'd be like 0.99

00:53:23.860 bro i got the cranberry sauce hey darren yeah exactly i'm bringing like accents yeah you know

00:53:30.020 oh you need coconuts bro let me get a lamb chop for a coconut right right let me trade let me do

00:53:35.420 something here right i mean i so yeah you would definitely you would have more of a skill set of

00:53:39.940 a um i'll like shout people out on instagram probably but i'll shout you out for you know a

00:53:44.620 couple of years i mean you could chisel into a tree like that when i was a when i was like real

00:53:49.660 young that was our instagram was like writing you know i love you know wrong you know

00:53:53.860 that was an instagram story you just like put a lock on a fence with your initials and you're

00:53:57.180 like theo was here it was crazy different people do that people do just put locks on what do they

00:54:02.320 do the initials of them and like a lover and put it on like a bridge yeah you ever done that i've

00:54:07.780 never done that i'm trying to think of was there a young thing that you did when you were a child

00:54:11.220 like a in young love like some like thing you guys did together like name um oh bro i got one

00:54:19.020 what is it in my my old hometown room on the ceiling there's like those little like neon like

00:54:25.260 glow-in-the-dark stars oh yeah yeah and they're still there but and they should be the best is

00:54:32.140 when they're still there when you're 30 dude oh bro i was back over the holidays you turn the lights 0.96

00:54:35.780 off smoke a little bit of that kush and you look up you're like is that motherfucking orion's belt 0.94

00:54:40.300 is the ceiling fan but when i was younger in like sixth grade i would like name the stars after the 0.96

00:54:46.540 girls like crushes i'll be like that's krista and and that like you know you're listening to me 0.99

00:54:52.080 like it was fucking pussy but that like like there was something about that that i was i just it brought 1.00

00:54:58.760 me it was like hearing goodies by sierra for the first time every time that was one thing that i that 1.00

00:55:04.500 i that i think i would that i did you got anything like that i got there was this girl chrissy that i

00:55:12.940 was in love i don't know if i was in love with her but she lived close enough for me to

00:55:16.380 be horny about which was the same thing you know i'm saying but i was in love yeah oh god i remember

00:55:23.520 just everything about her just just god made just just made semen want to climb out of my body 1.00

00:55:29.760 you know like i want to take a peek oh like a gopher seeing if his groundhog's there or not oh you 0.92

00:55:34.840 i'd hear semen just come up to the top of my tongue and just look out you know what i'm saying like 0.59

00:55:39.220 crawl back down or they go get the homies like you got to see this yeah let's ride homie let's ride 0.95

00:55:44.440 and you just thought about her or you you guys were in love with her i was in love with her and

00:55:49.800 you went on a couple of dates with her we were children you didn't have dates they didn't have 0.99

00:55:54.020 any play date huh play date no no no we live near there's no play dates in my fucking neighborhood 0.99

00:55:59.360 dude people were getting molested so i live in a very uh suburban town yeah this is way different 0.98

00:56:06.000 dude play date you know this guy down the street used to bang this substitute teacher that lives in

00:56:11.120 our neighborhood this kid basically he was 16 yeah and then he would chase us around in the church

00:56:16.420 like field with his car in his car try to hit us and that was a date right there that was a play date

00:56:21.900 yeah so basically this dude was getting molested by an older woman and then since we called him out 0.97

00:56:28.280 like uh he would try to run over so he just turned that bitch into grand theft auto just a little bit 1.00

00:56:34.580 yeah it was like yeah there was no play date going on you know there was one kid that drooled all the 0.96

00:56:40.720 time that we would all kind of spend time with but i think that was more like a cry for help i think

00:56:46.720 than anything but um what was i gonna tell you about oh so oh but i was in love with this girl chrissy

00:56:53.560 bro god and i remember she had part of her tooth was chipped out yeah you know get that little baby 1.00

00:57:00.100 lloyd christmas on you know and i remember always looking for pieces of rock or shell when i was like

00:57:05.940 outside of the schoolhouse like when they had uh oh all the gravel yeah trying to find one that would

00:57:11.020 be like the cinderella story yeah did you ever find one glass slipper yeah uh i found a couple i

00:57:16.960 remember collecting five or six that were pretty close yeah and i showed her one time somebody locked

00:57:21.960 us in a room like you guys need to get in there you know just some you know like even better rocks

00:57:26.860 probably some local 40 year old the same guy drive around in the car bro there was so many creeps

00:57:34.980 man and did any of them fit or no or did she like take any of them or was she like yeah i gave them

00:57:40.740 all to her oh i think she thought it was sweet i would i think it's you know i put it on a puka

00:57:46.980 shell necklace oh yeah but i had that ability to make them necklace kits you know yeah that was

00:57:54.260 always if somebody if a girl likes somebody a lot of time they would get that necklace kit and put the 0.99

00:57:58.980 thing randy you know and spell it out and you get that thing that we had a dumb one where if you take

00:58:03.420 the inside of like an aquafina water bottle the cap it's like a plastic and you like you can make the

00:58:07.720 plastic a wristband and the weird joke was like if they put it on you and it broke you had to like

00:58:14.120 make out with them oh really so you were always praying to break you like tensing up your knuckles 0.95

00:58:19.280 sneeze extra hard oh fuck i guess we gotta make out no mac but yeah the inside of an aquafina cap is 0.99

00:58:25.580 like a little rubber thing you can poke out the center make a little wristband but you see a kid 0.99

00:58:29.940 like maybe a guy who like probably has a couple of like misdemeanors now he'd have like three

00:58:33.620 wristbands on him growing up and you're like that's a puss this morning that was yeah i feel like 0.95

00:58:39.160 growing up was always just a way to flex you know just like having a girl wear your football jersey 0.99

00:58:42.900 you know you walk to school the hickey everybody wore tank tops on hickey day we caught two dudes 0.98

00:58:48.160 sucking on each other's neck doing fake hickeys on each other one time really cool yeah damn but had 1.00

00:58:53.820 they not got caught those dudes would have fucked then they would have fucked each other yeah maybe i 1.00

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01:01:51.840 do you think in the future i think in the future everybody do you feel like more everybody's just

01:01:58.180 going to be just kind of ambisextrous like everybody's just going to be yeah i feel like

01:02:03.840 it's going to be a charcuterie board of fucking right a little bit of everything yeah you're like 0.95

01:02:07.320 i like that i like some of this if i'm drunk a little bit of that right if i'm high i don't want 0.93

01:02:11.920 anything yeah i just want myself uh yeah i mean it's just like i feel like that's where it definitely

01:02:18.660 because i think you used to need just men and women to do sex because you needed reproduce life 0.94

01:02:26.560 needed reproduction right but now they got enough feet got enough that that that box is checked and

01:02:32.780 i mean i just i found out about what a surrogate was year ago what and what do you mean by that you

01:02:39.060 like i like when somebody else holds your baby for you oh this is a true thing i said it on my podcast 0.99

01:02:45.200 but i i thought stiff socks stiff socks baby yes sir um but i thought the dude fuck like like let's say 0.97

01:02:53.560 uh miranda is the surrogate she's gonna hold the baby i thought the dad like put it in i thought 0.99

01:02:59.720 he like fucked her but it's not that at all they just shoot it up in there uh with like a you know 0.97

01:03:05.400 not a syringe but a syringe type of feel so you thought the dad went the dad and wife i was got 1.00

01:03:10.520 a strange woman and the dad went out i was like why wouldn't you want a surrogate that's fucking well 0.92

01:03:15.540 it would save two birds one bone baby why wouldn't you well if you can get your wife to agree you're 0.85

01:03:20.120 gonna save a lot of money because otherwise it's like 110 grand i think to go to a center yeah drop

01:03:25.980 it off the whole thing but i then that dude goes over there and does it yeah what a creep that dude

01:03:32.180 is right but that's also just weird i mean and if you are a surrogate baby turn up but it is weird to

01:03:37.600 nut into a cup and be like my son or daughter's in there and then you just hope but i mean that's

01:03:42.700 the same thing as seeing a pregnant woman you're like hey there's a there's a kid in there

01:03:45.620 well i think we're good we are getting past the days where someone's going to carry their own

01:03:51.360 child yeah that's getting weird like i think by the time i have grandchildren and i don't even have

01:03:56.740 any children i'm also fucking lonely but by the time someone who knows me is younger they 0.92

01:04:04.560 it would be very weird to be like hey look at this picture of when i was in my mother i think that's 0.87

01:04:10.640 starting it's going to be you're going to be in a center where you're going to be yeah completed

01:04:15.140 it'll be like you don't need a iphone charger to plug into the wall every day you got a portable

01:04:19.920 so you can be like i got a portable stomach that i can just have a kid in yeah which you know can

01:04:26.180 you take the carpool lane with that probably but gestation now if you love gestation you could be

01:04:32.480 like oh i'm old-fashioned i'm gonna have me a child right and people are like people that still

01:04:36.620 roll their own cigarettes you know it'd be same type of people yeah i still i it is mind-blowing

01:04:41.440 to me that the body hasn't been like uh like give me let me get a part two like how we i agree we

01:04:46.540 got new iphones every other goddamn day but how do i not have a drink holder in my hands that aren't 0.98

01:04:50.340 my hands and i know my everyone's like oh your hands but like sometimes you're holding enough shit 0.99

01:04:53.940 you're bringing enough stuff in the car you're like i need a i need a fucking a big gulp right here 0.99

01:04:57.860 you know something hooks in between two of my ribs right exactly holding an eight why do we got to 1.00

01:05:03.120 sleep for eight hours every night you know where's the usbc charger i can just plug in my ass 0.96

01:05:06.900 right get going i think we're getting close man you know just some some stuff seems a little dated 0.91

01:05:12.160 we used to have tails as humans huh did we really i believe so oh wow and then just over time so i'm

01:05:19.660 wondering in the future over time what are we not gonna have what are we gonna lose well i think at

01:05:23.720 that point you start to look at aliens man and you look at aliens and they're always the creature

01:05:28.960 has big eyes big brain or big head you know cavern head

01:05:33.120 and uh which was a nickname of some kid at our school too when i was a kid actually

01:05:38.640 yeah he wasn't doing real well smart though huh i mean he passed away so he wasn't smart enough 0.95

01:05:46.500 for god to keep alive but he was you know he was i guess he was kind of handsome when they fucking 0.87

01:05:51.860 dressed him up but um a lot of fedoras on that boy oh dude i went to the school and uh that oh i have 0.90

01:05:58.060 the crazy story but um they had a lot of the special ed kids dress up in suits one year to like

01:06:05.240 to like one like there was a new teacher and he he's like we're gonna have all the boys are gonna

01:06:11.040 wear suits and it was just like yeah it was just crazy just to like impress the teachers just to like

01:06:19.460 like why are the special ed kids all in suit like it was like did you want to suit the next day

01:06:24.580 uh that makes me want it i mean i think it hyped the game it definitely hyped a little bit of

01:06:30.360 fashion at school yeah so that was good but i don't i just think that overall i don't know if it

01:06:35.620 was like you know it was just kind of a weird move for them to do but um anyway what were we talking

01:06:43.380 about oh kissing that girl human tails what are we gonna what are we gonna have in the future though 0.60

01:06:50.940 oh well i'll tell you this also so aliens if you look at if if you look at aliens how many humans

01:06:58.280 are born with a tail 40 ever or like 40 cases so how many is that 40 times what 24

01:07:03.900 so that's uh 288 that's per year there's 40 tails no it's more than that

01:07:13.380 if you're born with a tail you're keeping it now i am yeah i think 20 years ago you said no 1.00

01:07:20.620 yeah you know take his tail off yeah i mean they'd fucking burn you at the stake you're a witch dude 0.99

01:07:25.520 well back in the day i think it was a real bad look but now it's more like you'll you know next 0.99

01:07:30.700 you'll be in a video with willow smith in an hour yeah that could also be the extra hand i'm looking 0.99

01:07:35.540 for you know fucking carrying in your groceries on that bitch using it yeah what if your tail could just 1.00

01:07:42.120 part your hair for you if you're that'd be great bro now what about this though 1.00

01:07:46.860 um what are we talking about oh i think so if you look at aliens the head the eyes are big

01:07:57.340 the thing their hands and legs there's nothing even to them like look at aliens but it's always

01:08:04.440 just like this long gray it's not even usable it's like they've they didn't finish drawing

01:08:09.060 right and it's like they just don't use them anymore the simpsons only got four fingers

01:08:13.000 is that true yeah people think that's for like you know animation no it's just laziness

01:08:17.260 wow i fucking forgot to put one on because that's the last thing you draw nobody's gonna start an 0.96

01:08:22.000 animation with hands that's insane start with hands so like what is it what do you mean like like you 0.94

01:08:28.420 know you start drawing an animal like of a person with their face and then you work down oh yeah

01:08:33.700 hands are the last thing you drop it doesn't even matter if you're three four four good oh yeah they

01:08:39.180 got three middle and then one one thumb but i like that it's kind of cool you don't i mean what

01:08:44.060 do you really need i mean some of these could go which which which finger are you taking off first

01:08:48.100 pinky oh hold on

01:08:50.800 i would take this third finger out is that the ring finger yeah that's a ring finger yeah that's

01:08:59.720 gonna make it real hard for a girl to be like you're trying to you're trying to be forever and you're 0.99

01:09:03.160 like i can't yeah i would but the lord told me not to that is funny uh my uh my grandpa didn't have

01:09:10.760 that finger he got cut he worked in a sawmill in in ohio and he was like doing uh something down the

01:09:15.780 line snipped it right off dude my grant my dad had part of his finger uh was taking off somebody

01:09:21.080 slammed a door on that hard yeah crazy and doors that was back when doors were a lot more made out 0.55

01:09:27.140 of like lead and shit just healthier doors but my school teacher also was missing this part of his 0.98

01:09:33.560 finger listen what happened to him it was his ring he was at the at a baseball game for his son 0.96

01:09:38.840 and it hooked on the bleachers and he stood up to cheer for him and it pulled his finger off 0.97

01:09:44.840 fuck well whatever the play was must have been good to stand up that's an rbi right there 0.98

01:09:49.520 that's dedication like yelling and screaming yeah something right there you know you don't 1.00

01:09:54.880 just get up for well maybe it could have been a bad play too like what the fuck ref 0.99

01:09:58.220 lost the finger but uh yeah what were we just talking about again what what mutation on a human 0.98

01:10:06.220 you think you could be good with and without in the future finger lose one well it's just when

01:10:10.420 you look at aliens it's mostly just the head and eyes so at that point it's just become this

01:10:13.860 data center gotcha the rest of these things are things you don't even use anymore and i think

01:10:18.520 that's what a lot of things are becoming it's like if you go to the store there's a self-checkout

01:10:22.460 there's only like two dudes in there now yeah you know it used to be a lady working as a nice now 1.00

01:10:27.420 it's two dudes in there you know one of them's always hitting on the other one and one's not into 0.97

01:10:32.500 it doesn't even work they're just wearing a blimpy t-shirt like where the fuck yeah what i mean 0.99

01:10:37.100 doesn't make sense yeah what's the thing you can take out of your body you don't need 0.99

01:10:39.980 uh liver yeah yeah that esophagus uh bitches in the back what is called the throat i know in the 1.00

01:10:47.640 throat your uh tonsils tonsils there's so much stuff you don't need but what but what i'm wondering 0.70

01:10:54.820 is but that's what i feel like aliens are just people that aliens they just come back to visit

01:11:00.820 earth and like oh this place is a dump and then they jet i think they it's almost like if your

01:11:05.580 parents took you to like what would be like the shittiest place all the boulevard to the library

01:11:10.900 libraries up there like if you go to the library now you walk in there it's like two homeless dudes

01:11:18.240 you know yeah coming on each other probably harry potter books open yeah yeah open bro but the 0.93

01:11:26.180 chamber of secrets is is some dude looking in his own ass over in the periodicals you know like 0.95

01:11:32.400 basically i'd stay for that okay you'd stay and look around you take your kid in there to say hey 0.98

01:11:40.060 look this is what it used to be i'm gonna go to the bathroom right i'm gonna go film this and say

01:11:44.500 it's a world star hip-hop they can license it for 62 dollars but that's what aliens are now that's why

01:11:52.280 they're not staying and hanging out they're basically stopping by like the oldest civilization

01:11:57.020 it's like there's so many more hype civilizations out there a hundred percent what's the first city you

01:12:02.260 think aliens would visit in the in the u.s like if they're like bro you're gonna earth gotta go or

01:12:07.280 like where's they would probably go to tokyo for sure dang i think you got it yeah because they're

01:12:11.340 aliens dude they're like really hyped up and asians are probably the closest to aliens i think that 1.00

01:12:17.240 that's that's kind of even they know it yeah i think if an asian person sees an alien they don't

01:12:23.240 even i feel like they don't even tell you that's probably why that's the homie that's what i'm

01:12:28.260 saying dude so yeah if you dialed in like that then what what place in the in america you can go

01:12:34.600 like what city do you think they would just like america yeah but like on a vacation like you know

01:12:38.800 when people are just like oh you gotta go down to coming here anymore trevor that's what i'm trying 0.99

01:12:42.900 to tell you they're not coming it's like imagine if your parents kept taking you to the shit it's 0.94

01:12:48.240 almost like i'm gonna take you to you know i'm trying to think of a place um or when they first 0.99

01:12:54.400 started out do you think they were like you gotta go down to pcb when they first started out i bet

01:12:58.860 yes san diego probably was really cool to see i bet new york city was probably pretty good but the

01:13:05.660 buildings are so tall nobody can even see the aliens when they can't land them yeah yeah and you

01:13:09.740 can't even land them so it's almost like you want to get in a more rural area santa fan new

01:13:13.160 mexico pennsylvania pennsylvania pennsylvania is basically it's a woodwork is basically like

01:13:19.480 it's kind of like the santa fe of the east you know i think you know i don't know yeah it's very

01:13:25.820 calm i don't know if anybody's ever yelled in pennsylvania that's a lot people do you think they 0.88

01:13:32.060 wake up and just go fuck that's some pretty good shows dude so one of my favorite shows is out there 0.84

01:13:38.140 in wilkes-barra pennsylvania yeah well i mean you got pittsburgh you got some good cities out there so 1.00

01:13:43.140 oh yeah pennsylvania is pretty sick man you got the dutch you got the amish out there they're full 1.00

01:13:49.580 on dude you see 100 percent amish out there now what uh where are you going on your tour i know

01:13:54.180 you got a tour coming up i do do i'm actually starting in new orleans oh i'm excited for that

01:13:58.540 yeah which is interesting because i've never heard anything about new orleans for comedy yeah i don't

01:14:02.560 know and i got no i don't have anything to tell you you're a louisiana boy yeah yeah but they just

01:14:06.060 don't have a it's not a real comedy place you know yeah i will say out of all the ticket sales out of

01:14:11.280 it's like a 28 city thing it's like a big thing that the the place is selling the least dollar 0.84

01:14:16.040 baby yeah because they're like i don't give a shit i'm sucking crawfish right now right they're doing 0.98

01:14:20.880 other stuff that's the thing about new orleans you'll hear just a just as much funny stuff from 0.97

01:14:24.820 your neighbor you'll hear yeah there's just so many good stories and so much like there's more about

01:14:31.460 music it's a real city of like revelry and yeah to stop into a place and watch some guy tell jokes

01:14:39.900 is very foreign to new orleans i can see that and their style i think you said it best it's like they 0.62

01:14:44.540 already have enough shit going on it's like you got to go to a random place to really you know grand 0.98

01:14:49.120 rapids you got to go there but for new orleans like there's always shit popping off like i need a 1.00

01:14:53.900 good belly laugh i mean look if you're in new orleans fucking come on out but it's kind of all over 0.99

01:14:59.620 you know i'm kind of doing all over the u.s a lot of florida uh st louis ohio fucking portland 0.97

01:15:06.900 seattle like it's just like 28 cities i think that's awesome man congratulations thanks man it's

01:15:11.080 my first like big like tour tour the rest have just been like kind of little one-offs here and

01:15:14.660 you know just the the typical weekends at clubs but yeah this one is cool man i'm really excited for

01:15:19.380 it what um did you have a name for it yeah the are you that guy tour oh yeah because people always

01:15:25.620 say that yeah i mean it's just like it kind of started as like a joke that my friends would say

01:15:28.480 like at a bar because like i love drinks is my like hometown friends because they're just they

01:15:31.700 don't give a shit about any of this stuff they still remember when i got caught on a chain link 0.78

01:15:34.800 fence trying to hop it in like ninth grade that's happened to me when i was in love oh oh with the 0.95

01:15:39.780 the barber no i was stuck on a fence we missed a ufc fight we're supposed to watch that night because

01:15:44.160 i got stuck on a fence for like an hour and a half i just didn't i couldn't commit but that they'll 0.87

01:15:48.600 bring that shit up one time i tried to jump over a bush and i tripped on the bush hedge like i ran and 0.91

01:15:53.720 just fell face first and a lady driving by the car goes that's gotta hurt and they still say to me 0.98

01:15:58.700 to this day i'm like that's gotta hurt so i love drinking with them but whenever we go out a lot

01:16:03.100 of times it was a safe area y'all were in huh oh yeah people were driving speed that sounds like

01:16:06.900 safe shit yeah no very safe hedges this was in front of a ralph's yeah you know yeah i remember 0.91

01:16:12.260 people betting on how many dogs baby dogs yeah and people would be out there betting yeah we had a 1.00

01:16:19.520 lot of shit like at the dentist you guessed how many jelly beans were in the the mason jar and you 0.99

01:16:23.020 got like free dentistry it was like that shit like that so yeah a lot of times i like to drink with 1.00

01:16:27.860 them because somebody will like the most common thing is like a lot of people know the face but 0.93

01:16:31.680 they might not know the name it's like oh i've seen a video of yours before but they don't know the

01:16:35.560 name so it's a lot like oh are you that guy are you that guy right and then it kind of just like i

01:16:39.080 think it's a cool way to have like a narrative behind the the tour name you know i think it's like at

01:16:43.140 first i was like i don't really care it doesn't matter what the tour name is um but i think it's cool if you can

01:16:48.080 have kind of a overall theme of it so i talk a little bit about it in my stand-up about being

01:16:53.100 like just like you know people they know the face but they don't know the name what does that mean

01:16:57.920 and people wreck people all the time think i'm trevor lawrence jacksonville jaguars quarterback i get 0.75

01:17:02.160 tagged in his shit yeah whenever they have a shitty game people dm me i've called you that this week 0.96

01:17:06.520 you know saying to somebody trevor lawrence yeah somebody called me trevor noah before that's kind of 0.99

01:17:11.120 cool that is nice that's progressive man that is you got to get out there so you know there's like

01:17:16.640 three important trevors in the world and i might be half of one of them so i think it's just a cool

01:17:21.200 overall theme you know of just being like you know it's uh the video stuff is great but you know i've

01:17:26.660 been doing stand-up for like nine years now eight nine years so it's like you know this that this it's

01:17:31.680 like a different lane it's different from videos but this is just you know just good good shit good 0.73

01:17:36.340 time cool man yeah congrats man yo we worked on a show out in um what are we in new jersey oh yeah 0.96

01:17:42.920 fucking uh remember those two shows at night during covid wasn't it yeah it was at a horse track

01:17:47.800 red bank new jersey red ocean red bank yeah those were uh those were interesting those were good 0.97

01:17:53.520 shows it was just so it was just such a weird setup yeah it was weird it was a wild setup and the second

01:17:58.540 one was cold i remember it got a little really cold really cool yeah that was uh a year ago that was

01:18:04.640 middle covid that was heat covid it was it was definitely over a year ago because it was in it was

01:18:10.400 like october or november i remember i was doing dates out there um but we did do that man yeah

01:18:16.720 that was a that was a good time but i just remember that was the first time i really sat in a crowd to

01:18:23.780 watch a stand-up show was to watch a set after because i feel like as as a combat you kind of 0.94

01:18:28.280 just do your shit and you sit in the back but when's the last time you just sat in the middle of a crowd 0.93

01:18:32.360 and just was like i'm gonna just enjoy it for what it is yeah it's much different you know it is 1.00

01:18:36.980 different well you start to see what people are even some people you see also they want to be

01:18:40.760 there they start to know the guy like i watched a show of brennan shaw's not long ago and i was

01:18:46.040 like oh a lot of these people are happy just to see him because they see him on video they see him

01:18:50.500 on yeah yeah you know and it's like a lot of audience they just want to come it really is like

01:18:56.360 a showing of support like yeah like watching with a smile almost right it's like yeah i think this

01:19:00.600 they might be like i think this guy's funny they might think this guy's my favorite comedian

01:19:03.940 but there's also this other separate thing that it's just like i want to be there with this

01:19:08.980 person right you know and it was also cool it gave me more assurance because after that show i was

01:19:13.980 talking to you and you're kind of like yeah it was all right it was a little like you felt a little

01:19:16.780 like shaky on it but i was sitting in the crowd i was like you know everybody was laughing the whole

01:19:19.720 time so sometimes you know you forget you're in an outside this was outside of super spaced out

01:19:24.620 but every table had their their laughs yeah but you know you said you're like i was it was okay i was

01:19:30.380 like no you were crushing the whole time but it's weird it's weird to think when you're up there that

01:19:34.660 you might not be doing well but then you you put yourself in the crowd and you're like oh it was

01:19:38.960 great yeah so it was cool to just be in the middle of it kind of watch it it was fun man yeah i'll i'll

01:19:45.080 for some reason i always feel like i didn't do good i think because i just hold i always want to do

01:19:49.040 great yeah but that means you care about the craft every i mean like maybe like twice in my life

01:19:54.180 i've gotten off stage like oh i'll fucking crush it just sounds weird to get off and be like i'm the man 0.95

01:19:58.780 you know so yeah sometimes i wish i had more of that in me though right i think it would do me 0.88

01:20:03.620 well yeah but there's definitely times you get off you're like oh no that was a good set but i 0.97

01:20:07.660 would never like out loud be like i'll fucking murder that shit it just sounds crazy because then 0.98

01:20:12.060 somebody else is like all right seven minutes yeah but if a if a woman hears it they're like that 1.00

01:20:17.600 guy's a king you know you know i'm gonna start saying it i'm gonna say this weekend yeah murder 0.97

01:20:22.900 that shit i don't know i just feel like coming up in the open mic scene you would hear somebody be 0.98

01:20:26.600 like oh i fucking crushed and then you like watch the set and you're like right asterisk maybe what 0.99

01:20:32.540 does that mean so you just kind of like yeah i don't want to i don't know maybe i think it's just 0.95

01:20:37.660 an artist thing to always think you can do better because i feel the time right all the way every

01:20:41.160 time i post a video i'm like i could have done this could have done that every time i get upset i'm

01:20:44.340 like could have done this something's wrong in my head i wake up in the morning and i think 0.92

01:20:47.580 fuck man you could do better than that just second you wake up every day that's it just look in the 0.98

01:20:53.560 mirror oh it's a negative start brother positive affirmations some people wake up and they're like 1.00

01:20:59.240 you can do this you are all holy you are god and you're just looking at me and i'm like man fuck 0.95

01:21:03.080 brick yeah fucking steer right strike on a tuesday right out of the gate but it's good uh but some 0.99

01:21:11.460 some days it's it it's some days it gets better um what else was i gonna ask you about dude uh 0.98

01:21:18.200 oh i saw you at simon rex's movie premiere yeah simon rex is uh one of those guys who i've just like been

01:21:23.400 watching for forever yeah and it was cool to kind of like get connected with him but yeah we saw

01:21:27.480 red rocket and uh there's a lot of big fan of you simon's a big fan of you simon's great man yeah

01:21:33.720 no he's the best he's really good really talented actor too yeah that was wild huh yeah how wild has

01:21:39.260 that whole i mean simon rex and uh simon's been on here before him and actually uh young gravy

01:21:45.440 gravy yeah that's the boy of mine too yeah and simon um and simon's been in front of simon's like

01:21:52.280 the first guy that really kind of turned me on in some ways on the people he like i remember he put 0.66

01:21:57.120 out a tweet one day and he's like hey man this guy he just said some really nice shit and i was like 0.69

01:22:01.640 oh my about you yeah yeah yeah and then i saw him at one of my shows and he was sitting just sitting

01:22:06.820 in the back and and i got to meet him i was stoked and then we became really close friends actually um

01:22:12.100 for a while the pandemics kind of kept us separate but yeah but he kind of checked it was weird

01:22:16.920 because he was just fully off the grid in the pandemic he moved to like like the desert yeah

01:22:20.840 and then out there and then he got this call for this he got this call for this movie red rocket 0.95

01:22:25.220 and then he's i think he won he's winning shit for that he was on the front page of hollywood 0.98

01:22:29.760 reporter yeah so it's like sometimes that's just the journey in the path not to get all fucking zenned 0.98

01:22:35.140 out cbd uh but it is there's no i don't know if there's a better story he's the uh he's like

01:22:43.220 almost uh dude he was banging paris hilton at one point yeah i mean yeah and there's if that yeah

01:22:49.620 there's definitely an up from there yeah but but it's just like you would never be like i'm gonna go

01:22:56.100 to the desert and then book a movie role sometimes you just got to go and like give it time and like

01:23:00.560 figure out what you really want and i mean he's proven himself to so many industries

01:23:05.040 well he's just been i mean just to have gone and been like i'm just gonna do what i want to do

01:23:13.880 build himself a home out in the desert i'm gonna chill out sean baker the director or whatever sees

01:23:20.340 him from instagram or from something or just sees his work or sees who he is yeah yeah and he said

01:23:26.140 this is the guy who can play this role and that was the amazing thing about the role it's like

01:23:29.680 i don't know if anybody else could have been that perfect for it right

01:23:35.040 it just fit him it didn't even look like he was acting he was just being that character right

01:23:39.500 and that's what like the best acting is people that don't look like they're acting yeah it's pretty 0.98

01:23:43.960 tough man you fucking you think about you for me acting feels like i'm just high i'm thinking about 0.98

01:23:47.760 every move i'm like would i say that is that right here we go and he crossed all right oh the guy walks 1.00

01:23:53.660 in how are you oh you're doing good yeah acting is really do you want to do does it make you want

01:23:58.980 to do it i know you had a show you i was pitching some stuff i would only want to do if it was with my

01:24:02.660 friends and like uh there wasn't high stakes it was like super high stakes where it's like

01:24:06.980 you know me and timothy you know chalamet got a riff on some shit i'm like nervous i'm in my head i'm 0.86

01:24:11.260 like his jawline you could fucking cut a pepperoni with that so like i'm just getting like i would 0.96

01:24:15.060 get my head i would want to like if me and you were like doing something or like i was on like if i did 0.94

01:24:19.500 dave or something with with like little dicky and santino like that would be cool because you're 0.70

01:24:23.160 like it feels like a little less pressure but even man there's fucking 75 people on set there's 0.98

01:24:28.180 somebody who just brings you like a hair tie and you're like i don't even need the shit in my 0.97

01:24:31.200 hair right now it's just too much sometimes it's like i like how i film where it's like 0.73

01:24:35.240 me a few other people and a camera guy like like three people mad three four people right because

01:24:41.360 then it's just like what's it it's in your in your control you know so you get to be the editor of it

01:24:49.660 so you really get to be do you think that's part of it i think i think i like being in control i also

01:24:55.020 i feel like the more people the more expectations i think like i love and stand up when i'm blinded like

01:24:59.960 when it's like the the light is super bright on me because like when i can see everybody in the

01:25:02.900 crowd i get in my head and i'm like oh fuck this person's not looking at me they're on their phone 0.88

01:25:06.040 this and that so i get in my head easily and then if i'm looking behind a camera and then there's 0.98

01:25:09.560 like 40 people behind it sometimes it's hard to zone out and be like okay just do it your best 0.98

01:25:14.060 that zone in on your craft because sometimes you're thinking and you see somebody like fucking like 0.97

01:25:18.240 roll their eyes in the back like am i bombing up here right you see somebody drink out of 1.00

01:25:22.400 the cup or something you're like what what the fuck are you thirsty to my shit dog fucking dry throat 1.00

01:25:27.820 you're not laughing dude lube up them chops so yeah can't you see bro i'm freaking making magic 1.00

01:25:33.000 yeah and and i've been on a few sets before and it's just like a lot of long days it just takes

01:25:37.720 the funny out of it the best stuff is like is pointing at your cameraman back oh get this real

01:25:41.520 quick get this real quick but you can't go up to a fucking dp who gets paid 97 a minute and be like 0.99

01:25:46.940 yo get this he's like what this ain't a vlog so come on yeah exactly he's like you got to get that 0.86

01:25:54.300 approved by this and that i mean yeah the best part about the sets is just they got a lot of like

01:25:57.560 licorice that's nice yeah they got the snacks that thing is nice but i mean think about it

01:26:02.240 sometimes yeah i think about like do what i sometimes it'd be nice to have a break from uh

01:26:07.980 doing uh touring and stuff but i guess you can just take a break yeah um i would want to work on

01:26:14.820 something that i was a fan of i think i would say but you know i i had an i i've had auditions for

01:26:19.520 like all types of shit but one i had an audition for a curb and that one i was like legit stoked on 0.76

01:26:24.020 and they and they riff there wasn't the the interview not the interview this is why i don't 0.97

01:26:28.140 book anything the audition you're just supposed to riff a scene and i was like that's um that's

01:26:33.880 that's dope that's amazing you're not like trying to focus over word by word you're just like this 0.85

01:26:37.660 is my interpretation of it but that type of shit i'm cool if i was a fan of the show i'd be down 0.97

01:26:41.600 but sometimes they're like all right you're gonna play a marshmallow and a sci-fi what the 0.98

01:26:45.480 fuck even is this and that's a real audition i went on last year yeah and i did not get it 0.98

01:26:50.460 even worse bro when some of these things they sent me out on damn i can't be a dessert it's funny 0.99

01:26:55.400 because i get these auditions and i think like i don't want to do this shit it's like 0.99

01:26:59.060 well you can't even book it dog right okay what do you have to complain about you didn't even book 1.00

01:27:04.520 being somebody's ugg boot you pussy so i mean yeah you've done that is a good point man because i'll 1.00

01:27:10.300 say a lot of times like man i would hate to do that shit but then i'm not even getting offered to 1.00

01:27:14.540 do that shit actually i've gotten offered some things i got offered different voices and 0.94

01:27:18.320 sit and uh animations and stuff like that that i've passed on yeah i think sometimes just amount 0.98

01:27:23.660 of time have you done traditional stuff like you've been on like enough sets and shit i've done some 0.86

01:27:29.380 stuff i got to uh almost did a movie with chris pratt okay but that was like um i got there and it

01:27:35.720 was just so much it was like a 12 week commitment it's insane and it was just such a small thing and

01:27:41.600 it was just who were you playing i'm grateful to him i was just playing like uh it was like kind

01:27:48.240 of like a rednecky kind of guy in a uh postpartum war or something so you in like 2073 yeah something

01:27:58.320 like that all right and it was cool i saw i saw it it was cool oh you saw the dude who played your

01:28:03.220 role no they didn't end up putting another person that's good i would have been pissed they put

01:28:07.720 somebody else in there but i think when i got there they didn't exactly even know what the role

01:28:11.140 was they were still figuring it out that was the interesting thing it was just such a like

01:28:14.740 leap of faith i think was chris just like which is insane just call him first name basis 0.91

01:28:19.160 was he was he just like oh i fuck with theo let's just get him in on something 0.94

01:28:23.340 yeah yeah that's cool he actually just hit me up and asked me and um that's that's how i think it 0.97

01:28:28.840 should be more of yeah you know i think it is getting everything's getting like that yeah i think so

01:28:33.740 you know all the it's like you just hit your friends up and say sometimes anyway we think

01:28:37.920 about like sandler he's just been casting his homies for the past like 30 years and that's the

01:28:41.860 way to do it that's why the chemistry is so great and it's like you see and people are like oh they

01:28:46.140 work so well on screen it's like yeah it's their 20th movie together yeah but that was another thing

01:28:50.180 that was there there was no that's one thing that spade always says he's like dude if you're going to

01:28:53.600 do a movie you want to spend time with your friends it's going to be six weeks you know at least

01:28:57.980 with who you do want to be with right you want to probably be with buddies or people you enjoy

01:29:02.620 having dinner with um but yeah i don't know i mean these days you just don't know i know tim dylan

01:29:10.580 wants to do a movie you know people want to do different things right i think it would be

01:29:14.760 interesting i think to do something and then just sell it directly to people yeah you know that's what

01:29:19.920 i think would be really interesting yeah the hard part is like 97 platforms to stream on now but it's

01:29:24.920 like i can shoot something and put a little bit of money into it and just put it on youtube or

01:29:28.060 something i don't really know what i don't know what people want you know yeah and you told me and

01:29:34.500 i remember this you know that people like a lot of uh your crew they don't it's hard to even watch a

01:29:40.160 long movie bro my phone goes off i get one text i can't go more in two minutes without being all right

01:29:45.180 who is it bank of america or the homie right neither but for watching a movie you mean yeah it's just 0.75

01:29:52.020 something about like like i almost got to put my shit on airplane mode just so i don't even think

01:29:56.060 about it because it's like if your phone buzzes it's weird to not be like oh i wonder what that 0.91

01:29:59.760 is right you you can go straight to start to finish on the movie no phone touch uh it's hard but it's

01:30:06.560 definitely happening more but like but i'm trying to do it purposely but sometimes i'm like do you ever 0.98

01:30:10.880 just turn your phone off for like half a day i need i i got a buddy who's all into that shit he'll 0.97

01:30:17.520 like turn his phone off and go to the beach and i'm like i just all into that shit would he be just 0.99

01:30:21.840 being just he just leaves it at home and just drives to the beach but i'm like how the how do 0.97

01:30:26.020 you get to the beach you just head west i don't know that part is weird because then you like i 0.94

01:30:32.220 don't know it no it's not great i fucking i watch tiktoks till my eyes are bleeding like it's not good 0.94

01:30:38.400 it's not good well i started noticing when a lot of tiktok the songs would show up in my dreams that 0.98

01:30:43.420 oh no that's horrendous i knew the renegades on there while you're just on a dragon oh i knew i

01:30:49.840 wasn't doing good you know yeah it's yeah it's honestly it's it's muscle memory it's like i'll

01:30:55.040 be peeing and then i'm just scrolling it's like if i liked your instagram photo i was probably peeing 0.99

01:30:59.660 my dick was in the other hand i should be in jail for that a lot of pedos out there man 0.98

01:31:06.320 put me in that boat but you know uh well not you but i'm just saying it's not i don't know if it's 1.00

01:31:14.140 more popular or less popular pedophilia yeah i think there's a lot of more closeted ones because

01:31:19.980 you can see so much stuff there's a lot of like i'm amazed there's not things that block someone

01:31:26.340 um an adult from talking to a child on you think social media platform you think it's just like how

01:31:34.600 do they feel no responsibility for that like that feels crazy like google or no like instagram or

01:31:41.120 snapchat like there's nothing that says that a 40 year old can't talk to a 15 there's no like

01:31:46.860 thing that stops one from messaging the other that is weird you should have to answer a question

01:31:53.960 before you dm that person and you're like what's your favorite care bear and if you answer that

01:31:57.480 jail yeah if you answer that even type out a letter anything that's just not no yeah it is weird

01:32:04.780 i don't know but but the web is like there's so many layers like my friends were like showing me

01:32:09.520 like how deep you can get on reddit like what type of weird shit you can find in there and it's like 0.76

01:32:14.140 heavy on oh yeah you can there's like what is it what's all ready i don't even i don't even know 0.55

01:32:19.120 it's like a forum and there's like little subreddits which is like a smaller forums like groups of like

01:32:23.440 literally anything some of that i use reddit for porn i'm not gonna lie but really yeah you can you

01:32:28.740 can find some cool stuff in there because it's just really specific stuff you know like a girl choking 0.88

01:32:33.320 on like a pine cone or something but oh damn yeah yeah but oh that's reforestation right yeah

01:32:39.040 that's the real forrest gump right there but uh so but yeah it's just like it's you can get 0.92

01:32:44.860 so deep down and just kind of anything it's like the internet probably does try to like block out the

01:32:50.480 weirdos but there's probably people jerking off at the chick-fil-a website being honest just finding

01:32:55.080 something on there get off to oh dude we used to have a guy i remember they would come pick up a girl 0.98

01:32:59.380 at our school and i think he was i don't know if he was a pedophile but he was just older you know

01:33:03.580 it sounds like yeah and he would all remember tell us about using like the wendy's wrapper the 0.97

01:33:09.040 greece and the wendy's wrapper to play with his play with his body yeah that man should be castrated

01:33:14.020 and i still sometimes i wish i didn't think about that but sometimes i still think you ever drive 0.84

01:33:18.580 by wendy's and be like you try it they do a pretty greasy burger no i don't think about it like

01:33:24.800 that i just think sad about it i just think man i wish that i didn't know that yeah

01:33:29.020 i wish god didn't let me know that you wish that wendy's didn't have a frosty so you can

01:33:32.560 disassociate it too dude when i was in like junior high yeah that dude that came i remember that would

01:33:41.120 like do the bacon like the hamburger wendy's that guy wendy's guy yeah he drove like this yellow

01:33:47.220 cutlass sedan kind of car and um he had like done he'd you know like people used to put flames on the

01:33:57.320 side of stuff to make it look cool yeah but he'd taken like a blowtorch and like just burnt the side

01:34:01.500 of his car and it was like just make it look like he's driving the speed of light yeah it was just

01:34:06.180 like some of his like his his plan his like like plans didn't translate i don't think that good

01:34:13.640 but um i mean if there's ever a car to touch yourself in that's up there oh i'd probably be

01:34:17.980 three or four god the seats were so comfortable i think a pontiac aztec probably the number one car

01:34:22.580 you can touch yourself oh yeah i mean it's just a weird car but they don't catch your eye enough

01:34:28.120 but if you look closer it probably do dude we used to have a lot of men would drive over by the um 0.96

01:34:33.800 win bixie in our town and all be back there crying or touching themselves it's one or the other

01:34:39.460 don't you think they ever did both at the same time can you be hard and crying

01:34:43.880 i don't think i could that seems like a lot okay i think i i think i probably

01:34:51.160 gotta focus i feel like the immediate answer was yes in my head it's as sad as that happy tears maybe

01:34:57.060 you can do happy tears but you can't be like bawling about like that's true actually that's weird

01:35:01.640 yeah i don't think you're bawling about it um what else they're gonna say oh uh oh we had a lot of

01:35:06.280 narcs back then because i remember a lot of dudes would get sent back to our school when they'd be

01:35:10.140 narcs you know yeah and uh we had a few of those the jr otc kids did y'all yeah they they would

01:35:16.820 like dress up like cops on like friday nights at football games they would just pretty much just

01:35:20.320 tell you to throw the trash to it yeah yeah i don't know what they're doing now and they would

01:35:24.200 have wooden guns sometimes after school there was always this group of kids running around the 0.98

01:35:28.040 halls with like wooden guns yeah and there was jr it was like flipping around and shit it was 0.77

01:35:32.400 rotzy yeah yeah and they'd always be like have like these kind of like semi kind of like 0.80

01:35:37.480 marine haircuts yeah even though they didn't have to get them i think they just got them anyway

01:35:41.800 and then they gave themselves cauliflower ear a little bit just to pass themselves the wooden

01:35:47.860 guns weird because you're like what are you gonna do to somebody give them a splinter in the forehead 0.98

01:35:51.260 to fucking freeze some of these dudes were savages and they would all do that car speed thing where 0.97

01:35:56.900 they would race their cars and put the quarter mile on the window you know they would write it on 0.99

01:36:00.280 there yeah yeah that was huge like 3.4 how would you tell a narc was it pretty obvious they've just 0.98

01:36:04.900 like when they weren't in camo or whatever the fuck they're wearing cargo shorts in our town it

01:36:09.620 was easy to tell narcs because the police were just it was small they're too nice to them well 0.98

01:36:15.100 and the guy would always that we'd be like what town are you from and he would be like oh i'm from

01:36:18.860 just like right over it right over right over the creek yeah and he'd be like dude there's only

01:36:23.460 five towns around here no creeks around here bro you just spilled an icelandic water all right

01:36:28.940 just pick a town bro you couldn't even name a town and i remember some of the narcs would be like

01:36:33.780 this 35 they had like this one dude who's like 35 years old and he came back as a narc and he had

01:36:38.120 real smooth skin and he was like kind of uh i don't know yeah that's big narc energy if you got smooth

01:36:43.900 skin selling drugs no zits and you're selling drugs that doesn't check out and he he would just yeah

01:36:48.620 he would like he kept saying uh that he was from texas or something you know some place that like

01:36:53.080 people like knew about but didn't really had never been and then i remember he started dating a girl at

01:36:58.740 our school and then they busted him for being a uh pervert and he was supposed to be busted us 0.95

01:37:05.740 damn it'd be your own narcs you know married that girl lauren actually which is crazy he went to jail 0.99

01:37:12.740 i think and then got out and then married her for pedophilia i mean i think he went for 0.99

01:37:18.640 you know indecency with a minor i think a lot of why was it always history teachers that were the

01:37:24.340 closest to pedophiles our history teacher he would knock girls pencils off the desk so he'd check out 0.95

01:37:29.200 the rack when he dropped it now that's not to give anybody ideas but he would like like if you were

01:37:33.560 like oh uh what what's what's the answer you knock off the pencil so you'd like reach down and you'd

01:37:38.900 just stare at the grand tetons stare at them nugs huh stare at them young nuggets and he did that for a 0.98

01:37:45.020 couple years real thick glasses if somebody had 17 year old tits would you look at them 1.00

01:37:49.600 what are you doing i just don't ask what i'm doing don't ask what i'm doing i'm not looking 1.00

01:38:02.320 because it seems like you're looking bro it seems like you're a narc right now dude 0.75

01:38:08.340 where's this feed going huh where's this feed going nashville pd

01:38:12.520 it's just a straight is that a producer is he a narc yeah i mean that's a crazy question

01:38:19.800 is it that crazy yeah but this guy dude he came back to our school yeah and he's like his first

01:38:26.620 thing was like who's who's selling drugs and we're like what that's what i'm saying the questions they

01:38:31.920 ask are crazy who's trying to do the weed the the who wants to smoke meth out of a spork dog gets a 0.92

01:38:39.720 spoon fucking act right dude narcs are always the dude and it was always some kid usually that had 0.99

01:38:46.420 been in school for so long and couldn't graduate school he dropped out and now suddenly like he 0.99

01:38:50.460 fake dropped out but he still went to class under like an alias you know he's back with like a

01:38:54.660 different name yeah yeah you're like this dude couldn't spell his first name his original name

01:38:59.960 and now he's lance and narcs never had plans what are you guys doing tonight it's like you just know

01:39:04.820 what you're doing on a friday in high school you know but if you have to ask for plans

01:39:07.800 narc narc's never had plans they got like a face tattoo that's just a henna teardrop and you're 0.97

01:39:11.940 like is that is that a henna he's like i got that shit blasted last night do you remember the first 0.98

01:39:16.620 time you saw a tit out in public i remember mine in public yeah in new orleans you saw him all the 0.98

01:39:20.880 time that was the thing at mardi gras so that was another thing you had like you know high school 0.94

01:39:25.480 chicks was always out there showing their tits adult when you'd have a you know uh you'd have a 1.00

01:39:29.200 17 year old and a 60 year old showing their tits out there you know yeah i remember i was at magic 0.99

01:39:34.100 mountain and uh they had this like uh or not magic mountain splash mountain or what's the 0.99

01:39:38.240 fucking raging water one in california well raging water yes the name of it it's just like a amusement 0.80

01:39:45.060 park but it's all water right sea world sea world water park i believe they call it these days water 0.97

01:39:50.980 park uh you're not sea world no but it was raging waters i don't know man i don't know yeah but uh they

01:39:55.820 had this there was like this overflow of this like water that waterfall yeah that would like waterfall

01:40:01.280 but like it was it wasn't on purpose it was like overflow of a ride because it was like a berm that

01:40:05.960 like spun out and it landed on this this like mom and it hit the left side of her bikini and yeah 1.00

01:40:12.120 there was tit out for like seven seconds she didn't she didn't even know it was it was crazy i was like 0.98

01:40:18.960 slapping my friends on the back bring them out i was like hitting people i was fucking that's an 0.99

01:40:23.600 unadulterated tit right there organic in the wild i'm saying god there's something about it just just 0.99

01:40:30.040 straight up pure tit there's something about it stumble across it and here's like the gold rush

01:40:34.960 but all over again yeah there's nothing wrong with it man there's nothing wrong with some of age

01:40:40.660 breasts of age breasts you know and she was probably you know low 40s and appropriate breasts you know 1.00

01:40:46.160 when breasts is appropriate yeah there's a time and a place oh and it's often i will say that thank god

01:40:52.540 brother and that's okay that's what god um are you that guy tour trevor wallace you guys go check

01:41:01.280 him out man yeah man it's gonna be a good time i'm uh i'm really excited so yeah thanks for giving

01:41:06.040 me out of hibernation dude i appreciate it yeah man hopefully you had a good time and i really didn't 0.91

01:41:09.500 know you're taking this time off i feel bad man but we're talking about tits and you're getting up a 0.65

01:41:14.080 lot around town out here or is that where you're going back to la just hit a functional spot no i've just

01:41:17.760 been taking a break from everything right now so i'm gonna go back to la and get more sets there you go

01:41:21.640 so that's one thing too that's uh that's tougher outside of it there's just nowhere to perform

01:41:26.600 you know there's one club yeah often you pop in there sometimes yeah not a ton but even then you do

01:41:33.960 10 minutes and you're like yeah but i've also been overall just been kind of just taking a break

01:41:39.260 yeah it's been kind of nice just to like yeah i mean you have to yeah when you get too intense

01:41:43.420 you just burn out you you're like just trying to make material out of anything and you're like

01:41:47.120 carpet's crazy huh what the fuck's wrong with me yeah now the more you like live the 0.95

01:41:51.620 more you live a life to tell about it i think that was something i feel like 0.99

01:41:54.680 you know if you're not living because i remember i was so i think said that who did robinson caruso

01:42:00.760 i think said that okay i saw it on the back of a kid rock t-shirt but do you really know oh but uh

01:42:07.900 i i just remember when i was first moving to la all i did was open mics i would go to work and then

01:42:11.440 i'd do like three or four open mics a night and then i would just try to just just give but i like i

01:42:14.840 wasn't talking about anything right i was just trying to be funny but it wasn't anything personal

01:42:18.900 and then you take some time to realize who you are as a person and what made you you and your

01:42:23.160 background and this and that and uh that's when you find the funny yeah and then and then you find

01:42:29.080 your lane and you're like this is what i want to talk about yeah i think i felt burned out for a

01:42:33.460 while i think i just got so busy working natural you know i took on i was doing three episodes of

01:42:38.400 i was just doing way too much doing sets touring you know just like you just want to say yes to

01:42:43.360 everything because in the beginning you didn't have that right when you when you never had nothing 0.95

01:42:47.240 yeah and you work so hard and then something comes along man you'll fucking i'll hold on to 0.96

01:42:52.020 something yeah man but now i'm kind of realizing like hey man i can have a little bit of choice in 0.92

01:42:56.600 what i want to do because i just want to feel like myself i don't want to be so busy or overwhelmed

01:43:02.440 that i don't feel like myself right that's where i've been i think it's a scary feeling oh you're

01:43:07.140 like it's just exhausting you're just looking at what the stuff you're putting out there you're

01:43:10.180 like do i even like this am i doing this joke for me or is this just because i think it's funny 0.97

01:43:13.600 yeah this video just because i think it's going to go viral but i don't actually give a shit about 0.77

01:43:17.220 it yeah do you feel pressured to sometimes to create stuff yeah a lot of times it's when i'm

01:43:22.080 like in between touring a lot and it's like there's like i have like two days in town and i'm like okay

01:43:25.960 i need to make something uh what's funny what uh okay this and then it's like did i actually want

01:43:31.180 to make that or did i just rush to put something out and it shows when when the numbers come up and

01:43:36.380 it doesn't hit i go oh yeah that makes sense that checks out but in the beginning i just get pissed

01:43:40.840 i'm like no fuck that's funny why didn't that hit but now it's like i get it i go i rushed that 0.91

01:43:44.520 didn't need to do that should have just taken that week off yeah and rested but it takes time to learn 0.98

01:43:49.860 i'm overdue for a lot of excuse me i'm overdue for a lot of weeks off yeah but but i think the people

01:43:55.460 who support you the most would understand they'd be like we would rather have theo at 100 than being 0.57

01:43:59.160 like here's a podcast but i fucking you know i have narcolepsy at minute 36 yeah yeah i just yeah i i 0.98

01:44:07.520 want to i want to get back to a place where i feel really healthy yeah you know and uh natural 0.92

01:44:11.640 so and january is weird because december is really slow but then it's hard to go straight back to 100

01:44:16.340 right i jumped right into it yeah fucking we're back you know this weekend we're back right but 0.93

01:44:22.100 yeah i'm trying to just do a little bit less and just yeah i'm all good though everything feels good 0.90

01:44:27.400 man i just want to yeah i want to i want to i realize that i can take more time for myself

01:44:31.880 because i want to make good stuff i want to feel like myself so um yeah but man i'm grateful to

01:44:38.260 spend time with you dude and i love you you're one of the funniest guys dude your videos always

01:44:42.400 make me laugh um i've even called you trevor lawrence before to people dude and uh i hope you

01:44:47.700 don't stop and i thought your name was trevis when i first met you they even have you saved in my

01:44:51.520 phone still it's trevis lawrence trevis lawrence and that sounds like a youth pastor

01:44:55.260 yeah and tonight at zany's comedy club maybe he will now i'm just floating on the breeze and i feel

01:45:01.640 i'm falling like these leaves i must be cornerstone

01:45:07.100 oh but when i reach that ground i'll share this peace of mind i found i can feel it

01:45:15.880 in my bones but it's gonna take a little time for me to set that parking brake and let myself

01:45:29.160 unwind shine that light on me i'll sit and tell you my stories shine on me

01:45:44.940 and i will find a song i will sing it just

01:45:51.320 and i've been moving way too fast on the runaway train with a heavy load of my

01:46:03.260 hands

01:46:04.960 and these rails that i've been riding on they're worn so thin that they're damn near gone

01:46:13.360 ladies and gentlemen i'm jonathan kite and welcome to kite club a podcast where i'll be

01:46:22.340 sharing thoughts on things like current events stand-up stories and seven ways to pleasure your

01:46:27.460 partner the answer may shock you sometimes i'll interview my friends sometimes i won't

01:46:33.140 and as always i'll be joined by the voices in my head you have three new voice messages

01:46:39.500 a lot of people are talking about kite club i've been talking about kite club for so long

01:46:45.320 longer than anybody else so great 0.99

01:46:47.840 hi sweetheart he's a deal anyone who doesn't listen to kite club is a dodgy bloody wanker 0.99

01:46:55.280 jermaine 0.99

01:46:55.980 hi i'll take a quarter pounder with cheese and a mcflurry

01:47:00.320 sorry sir but our ice cream machine is broken

01:47:02.180 i think tom hanks just butt dialed me

01:47:07.100 anyway first rule of kite club is tell everyone about kite club second rule of kite club is tell

01:47:13.580 everyone about kite club third rule like and subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts or

01:47:19.560 watch us on youtube yeah and yes don't worry my brad pitt impression will get better

01:47:28.540 you

This Past Weekend with Theo Von - January 19, 2022

E376 Trevor Wallace

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