This Past Weekend with Theo Von - March 01, 2022


E382 Teenage Easter


Episode Stats


Length

51 minutes

Words per minute

163.76534

Word count

8,357

Sentence count

754

Harmful content

Misogyny

44

sentences flagged

Toxicity

172

sentences flagged

Hate speech

21

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

My thoughts on eating yogurt and the weird things you should and shouldn t be eating it. Also, I may or may not be a little pervert when it comes to eating yogurt. I m not going to lie, it s a little weird.

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Toxicity classifications generated with s-nlp/roberta_toxicity_classifier .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
00:00:00.000 We hope you're enjoying your Air Canada flight.
00:00:02.320 Rocky's Vacation, here we come.
00:00:05.060 Whoa, is this economy?
00:00:07.180 Free beer, wine, and snacks.
00:00:09.620 Sweet! 0.95
00:00:10.720 Fast-free Wi-Fi means I can make dinner reservations before we land.
00:00:14.760 And with live TV, I'm not missing the game.
00:00:17.800 It's kind of like, I'm already on vacation.
00:00:20.980 Nice! 0.94
00:00:22.140 On behalf of Air Canada, nice travels.
00:00:25.260 Wi-Fi available to Airplane members on Equipped Flight.
00:00:27.220 Sponsored by Bell. Conditions apply.
00:00:28.720 CRCanada.com.
00:00:30.000 Oh, yeah.
00:00:33.560 Just got back, baby.
00:00:34.720 Just got back off the road.
00:00:36.880 And I'm going to go out to eat in a little while.
00:00:42.360 And so I was trying to get me a little tied over, you know, snack.
00:00:48.740 A little.
00:00:49.680 I had me about nine almonds.
00:00:52.800 And I had me two yogurts.
00:00:57.040 I'm going to be honest with you.
00:00:58.260 You know, there's a time in my life where I, you know, I probably wouldn't have told anybody that I had yogurt.
00:01:06.980 Especially a man.
00:01:07.880 I wouldn't say, hey, man, I just had some yogurts.
00:01:12.180 You know, I'd have lied.
00:01:13.120 I'd have lied.
00:01:14.260 And I'd have said, yeah, I just had some warm, you know, some ice cream or something.
00:01:19.560 Or some, you know, real warm ice cream.
00:01:21.340 But I like yogurt, man.
00:01:25.620 I like it.
00:01:26.140 But then there's that.
00:01:28.480 I mean, the thing, it feels like you shouldn't be eating it.
00:01:30.880 And I'm not sure if I've spoken about this before, but it just feels like you just shouldn't be having it, doesn't it?
00:01:40.220 It feels like you shouldn't be having it.
00:01:41.840 It just feels a little, is it?
00:01:48.060 Maybe it's just in my head, it tastes like a, I mean, look, I'm a, you know, I got a little bit of, you know, I got about probably 7% pervert in me.
00:01:55.060 So, when they crack me open, everybody's going to be a little pervert jumps out and runs, you know, runs across the morgue and, you know, up under the lockers or whatever.
00:02:06.780 But, yeah, so, you know, I don't, but there's something about, it's just, there's something about having a yogurt that just feels, it's like, I feel like there's, the part of me that's, that's really, I don't know.
00:02:23.380 It just seems like it's almost a little, it seems a little young or something.
00:02:27.140 I don't know if that makes any sense to anybody, and I may be insane.
00:02:30.680 But, what's going on, guys?
00:02:35.420 Just got back off the road.
00:02:37.380 I'm going to talk about that.
00:02:40.660 Went to dinner the other night. 0.97
00:02:43.500 Went to, like, a fancy place, you know, just kind of, just, just, I mean, just, damn, looked like we were on the Titanic, you know? 0.88
00:02:51.080 I was just waiting for the whole restaurant to just fill up with water.
00:02:56.140 That's how nice, I mean, people just, good day, you know?
00:03:00.420 No, people just being, you know, friendly, nobody yelling the N-word, nobody doing nothing, just a good place, you know?
00:03:08.040 And, and, and we went, and we were sitting by, I was sitting, I guess, by this couple, and I think it was like a first date or something,
00:03:19.200 or maybe second date, and this lady had these bangers, baby. 1.00
00:03:24.660 She had these damn front honeys on her, baby. 1.00
00:03:27.340 I mean, like a couple of damn frickin' milk bears, and they were just getting ready for spring. 0.99
00:03:33.380 You could see them just kind of, um, she had kind of a revealing kind of top on. 0.99
00:03:38.360 Um, and you could see these big white, damn, just a couple Moby dicks, you know what I'm saying? 0.98
00:03:44.900 And she had on, like, a lot of powder, kind of different powder, you know, maybe body powder or something. 0.99
00:03:51.300 And she probably put about, probably a half ounce up between them, um, you know, between them, between them, uh, them premier bunnies, baby. 1.00
00:04:00.240 Between them, you know, them hammer time front yams, baby. 0.99
00:04:04.880 She'd really, she'd put a lot of powder.
00:04:06.280 So, anyway, some guy, this guy she's on a date with is making her laugh.
00:04:09.940 He's telling her jokes.
00:04:11.660 And they were the worst jokes, right?
00:04:14.600 They were like just, uh, what was one?
00:04:18.600 It was like, what's, um, oh, what's the tallest building in the world?
00:04:23.640 And it was like, oh, it's, uh, it's a library because it has so many stories.
00:04:32.020 That's what he would say.
00:04:32.680 And she would just die laughing, right?
00:04:36.060 And I was, I kind of jealous she was having such a good time.
00:04:39.320 But when she would laugh, then her chest would kind of juggle and just that powder would just, I mean, just,
00:04:46.560 just buffing up, just muffling, just muffling up out of them, um, out of them big nodules, baby.
00:04:59.260 You know what I'm saying?
00:05:00.100 Out of them big, uh, out of them big yogurt wagons, dude. 0.99
00:05:03.080 Just that powder would just like a, um, it was like, it was like her tits were vaping or something. 1.00
00:05:10.380 You know, it was like her, it was like her breasts were like hitting a thing of blue ice or whatever. 1.00
00:05:14.260 I mean, it was just, and it was, and so then it was, it kind of stopped and then he would tell another one.
00:05:21.320 And it was, I mean, just like, it was like Aaron Brockovich was going to show up or something, you know,
00:05:27.220 it just had that, it was, you almost wanted to call the city.
00:05:30.680 I mean, it just got real smoky over there.
00:05:33.160 Um, but yeah, that was something that happened at dinner.
00:05:39.060 We went with this one gal. 1.00
00:05:40.520 She had curled her hair so tight.
00:05:42.120 I mean, you ever have somebody, they curl her hair just so tight.
00:05:45.400 I mean, just tight, tight.
00:05:47.820 She couldn't even get her eyes.
00:05:49.100 I mean, I saw her every now and then just kind of getting some water out of glass and rubbing it on her eyes. 0.98
00:05:53.600 Cause she had just tightened that hair. 1.00
00:05:55.400 She'd locked it up.
00:05:56.520 She's so locked open.
00:05:58.600 You know, I almost wanted to just undo a couple of the curls so she could, uh, you know, get half a blink in baby. 1.00
00:06:05.140 She was real tightened up.
00:06:07.700 Um, but anyway, I was grateful to be eaten and, uh, I, um, I wasn't even going to do an episode, but I, I really, I decided, uh, that I wanted to be here with you guys.
00:06:23.780 I wanted to be here with you.
00:06:26.880 I, um, I wanted to be here with you.
00:06:31.280 You know, I want to thank everybody who, who ventured out this week.
00:06:35.000 Uh, it was, we, we had a couple of different shows.
00:06:38.940 We started and did a small, uh, one nighter over in Lexington and then we hopped over to, um, where was it?
00:06:47.700 Then we hopped over to, uh, Lafayette, Indiana.
00:06:51.540 And we actually had a call that came in right here from a Lafayette, uh, visitor to the show.
00:06:57.700 Here we go.
00:06:59.300 Hey, Theo, my name is Devin and, uh, I've been a fan for years listening to podcasts for a while.
00:07:04.440 What's up, Devin?
00:07:06.020 And thank you for making the call.
00:07:07.280 Devin is a famous English name, Devin.
00:07:10.940 Hello, Devin.
00:07:12.840 Oh, it's Devin.
00:07:13.900 He's come, he's come looking for his dad.
00:07:17.800 Let's hear more, brother.
00:07:19.680 Me and my buddies just saw your show in Lafayette, Indiana last night.
00:07:23.600 We drove four hours in the snow to get there and man, it was hilarious.
00:07:28.240 And, uh, you know, last year, really bad year for me.
00:07:31.560 I, you know, had a girl rip my heart out my chest and I suffered from a motorcycle accident.
00:07:36.420 And I just want to thank you for the part that you played and get me back on track because I'm doing real well now.
00:07:41.840 And it was just really nice to see you last night. 0.66
00:07:44.600 You know, it was everything I thought would be as fucking hilarious, dude. 0.92
00:07:47.840 So, uh, you know, gang, gang. 0.96
00:07:49.780 Thank you.
00:07:51.580 Gang, baby. 0.75
00:07:52.300 Thanks for the call, Devin.
00:07:53.300 And thanks for coming out there.
00:07:54.280 Yeah, it got, uh, I mean, Mother Nature, you know, she started serving that eight ball.
00:08:00.220 It got real, it got icy out there.
00:08:03.840 And it was right, the bus was heading in, we parked in the back and it was just, the snow started building up.
00:08:09.180 It was coming down. 0.99
00:08:10.080 It was, I mean, shit, it was, it was damn romantic almost. 1.00
00:08:13.700 It was, you know, made you want to, made you want to touch your own penis almost. 1.00
00:08:19.820 Glad you came out. 0.99
00:08:21.860 I'm glad you guys came out and, uh, they, I think somebody, I hope everybody made it.
00:08:27.300 Cause they had a couple empty seats and I thought that somebody, cause it was incline, uh, it was inclement weather.
00:08:35.160 It was inclement weather, man.
00:08:38.860 It was, uh, you know, it's the kind of something you send your spouse to the store, you know, if you want, if you don't want them, you know, hey, Judy, why don't you go get me some of that, uh, prune juice. 1.00
00:08:51.620 And next thing you know, dang, Judy, you know, she goes, she, you know, that embankment gang, baby, you know what I'm talking about. 1.00
00:09:00.360 R.I.P. B.C., baby.
00:09:02.820 Yeah, it was just an inclement weather, man.
00:09:04.900 So it was, it was quite a time, man.
00:09:07.040 We, you know, it was a great week of shows overall.
00:09:11.320 Um, some were, when we got to Chicago, it got real fired up, man.
00:09:15.920 That's when that, that crowd was electric.
00:09:18.820 Uh, I thought the crowds at, at Lafayette and at Rockford, which was the next night, um, they were, it just, it was just a little bit more of a sedate vibe.
00:09:30.020 Honestly, it just felt a little more sedate in there.
00:09:32.620 Uh, but a lot of great folks, everybody I met was great.
00:09:37.700 A couple of nice gifts I got.
00:09:39.440 Somebody brought me this into the wild book.
00:09:41.700 Um, this John Krakauer, Krakauer, got that hitter right here, baby.
00:09:49.380 That little lit hitter from, uh, Nicole gave me this.
00:09:53.220 Another man gave me an Elon Musk book.
00:09:57.360 Somebody, oh, this was the roughest, bro.
00:09:59.260 Uh, so somebody sent me a, um, somebody sent my flowers and a chocolate, you know, and I got backstage and the shower was cold.
00:10:11.700 That was, oh, that was another thing in, uh, in Lafayette, which is where Purdue, Indiana is. 0.99
00:10:19.960 The Boilermakers, Engineering Town, and these bitches don't even have a damn water, uh, heater. 1.00
00:10:28.040 And it was cold in there. 0.99
00:10:29.780 Dude, I had a shower.
00:10:30.880 It was so cold. 1.00
00:10:33.940 Bro, I could hear, dude, I could feel my, I could, it felt like that movie Ice Age was playing in my ass, bro. 0.99
00:10:42.080 Uh, on six screens, dude, it felt like, oh, man. 0.99
00:10:48.920 It felt like a damn woolly mammoth was running around in my, uh, you know what I'm saying, bro?
00:10:56.600 It was just, it was, there was no hot water in the thing. 0.98
00:11:00.180 So I got in that shower, bro, and that almost killed me, man.
00:11:03.900 That almost shook me down, baby.
00:11:06.980 That almost didn't get out that shower.
00:11:08.660 I almost didn't get out that shower.
00:11:13.360 But anyway, somebody sent the chocolates.
00:11:15.360 There was a note on top.
00:11:16.320 It said, I can't wait for you to meet my son, your son.
00:11:19.040 I can't wait for you to meet your son.
00:11:21.220 And I'm first, I'm looking at your son.
00:11:23.980 And I thought, you know, I thought your son was like a Asian name.
00:11:29.580 You know, I didn't, so like, who's your son?
00:11:34.700 You know, I didn't know if it was like a Japanese guy or whatever.
00:11:37.220 I'm just thinking, who's your son?
00:11:40.160 I can't wait for you to meet your son.
00:11:43.000 And then, um, I'm like, oh, my God, your son.
00:11:49.140 Then my head goes, oh, my God.
00:11:52.020 Because this has always been a fear of mine. 1.00
00:11:54.820 You know, I've had my penis and nuts a long time. 0.99
00:11:57.140 And I've always expected that this could be a reality. 1.00
00:12:04.040 Somebody drops off that tall Bambino.
00:12:06.320 You know, they put him in a basket.
00:12:07.800 He's 14, but he's just in a basket on your doorstep.
00:12:11.080 You know, it's that teenage Easter all of a sudden for you right there.
00:12:14.220 Uh, and here was the crazy part.
00:12:17.880 Then I look over, my tour manager's standing there, Tim.
00:12:21.320 Uh, Bizzle, he's standing over there.
00:12:23.440 And he's dying.
00:12:26.140 He's dying, bro.
00:12:27.140 Because he saw the look on my face. 1.00
00:12:28.640 I was like, holy shit, somebody brought their, somebody brought my son. 0.99
00:12:32.060 And, um, and this was the wild part. 0.99
00:12:37.260 Then I went through, like, oh, my God.
00:12:39.380 Thank God. 0.99
00:12:40.940 Then I had a moment where I was like, oh, damn, bro. 0.99
00:12:44.720 I wanted to meet my son, dude. 0.99
00:12:48.000 Part of me was bummed that I didn't get to meet this son.
00:12:51.020 You know, this alleged, you know, possible son.
00:12:53.140 So that was, uh, that was pretty, that was, that was quite a moment.
00:12:57.320 And then somebody brought this little baby dragon head or something.
00:13:00.020 Um, and they approached the stage with it in Chicago.
00:13:02.960 And that was a little, that was a little strange. 0.99
00:13:05.480 This looks like a damn senior citizen. 0.98
00:13:06.900 Like the last, look like before they take that last bite of like a, uh, 0.99
00:13:13.420 maybe a little cake or something.
00:13:15.640 If you got a grandfather or something like that.
00:13:19.280 This look like maybe a, like a skunk got poisoned or something.
00:13:23.940 But anyway, some nice gifts.
00:13:25.760 Thank you guys who brought things.
00:13:27.500 Um, what's going on, man?
00:13:30.020 Uh, oh, the news.
00:13:31.860 I see this.
00:13:33.640 They had a lawsuit against Dennis Perkins in the Livingston Parish school system,
00:13:38.700 alleges Cynthia Perkins.
00:13:41.640 Uh, they supplied semen into cupcakes. 0.99
00:13:46.700 And damn, that makes you. 1.00
00:13:50.060 I mean, that, he just, oh. 1.00
00:13:52.720 Uh, that's like damn wiener fentanyl. 0.99
00:13:56.280 If that's in a, if that's in a baked good, that's, you know, you just don't want that 0.99
00:14:00.620 in there, baby.
00:14:03.000 You know, and it's just, I guess that's where we're at.
00:14:07.440 Is this, I mean, it's, maybe people are starving.
00:14:10.060 I don't know what's going on.
00:14:11.400 You know, I read Grapes of Wrath and, uh, and at a certain point, things get so bad,
00:14:19.380 they're breastfeeding each other.
00:14:22.660 But I can't imagine in, even in Livingston Parish, Louisiana, um, they put it in pastries,
00:14:30.080 it says here, and energy drinks. 0.99
00:14:32.700 Damn. 0.99
00:14:33.100 Well, look, the energy, you could argue the energy drink part, but you can't, I mean, 0.99
00:14:39.480 damn, you can't put a look, you know, you can't put more, you can't put more, you can't, 0.97
00:14:49.280 you can't be doing that. 0.99
00:14:52.420 You can't be, you can't be doing that on the eclair, bro.
00:14:55.360 You can't put more doodle in a snicker, bro.
00:14:57.760 You know what I'm saying, dude?
00:14:59.240 Um, what else?
00:14:59.920 I'm not going to make this a real long episode today.
00:15:02.060 Um, I'm going to keep it pretty chill.
00:15:04.560 Um, I'm feeling a little under the weather.
00:15:05.800 I got kind of sick, actually, in Lafayette.
00:15:07.760 I got, that day I started having me a fever.
00:15:09.880 And so I wasn't feeling real well.
00:15:11.860 And, um, and here's another call, actually, that came in from there.
00:15:15.620 Let's go.
00:15:17.420 What's up, Theo?
00:15:18.560 Uh, this is Tyler from Dayton, Ohio.
00:15:21.540 What's up, Tyler from Dayton?
00:15:24.020 And I spent time over there in Dayton one time.
00:15:26.440 I was on a balcony, man.
00:15:27.620 And I was wishing this girl would, uh. 0.85
00:15:29.780 I was wishing this girl would make out with me, and she didn't want to. 1.00
00:15:35.280 And that was it.
00:15:35.920 Nothing, you know, I just was wishing, and she, she wasn't wishing.
00:15:39.740 And that's, but they also got that, that flight museum over there, I remember.
00:15:44.060 And if you like flying, or you want to get into the sky somehow, and you don't know how,
00:15:49.120 they can help you, baby.
00:15:50.500 Dayton. 0.99
00:15:51.480 Those bitches want to be in the air, bro. 1.00
00:15:53.720 You see somebody on the ground in Dayton, bro, that's a little bitch. 1.00
00:15:56.780 Let's go more, dog. 1.00
00:15:58.440 Thank you for calling.
00:16:00.000 Uh, I'm just driving home from your, your show in Lafayette.
00:16:04.100 Uh, I just, I just want to say thanks, man.
00:16:06.940 It's such a great time.
00:16:08.240 It's my first time seeing you.
00:16:09.360 First time at any comedy show.
00:16:11.900 Uh, like I said, I just want to say thanks, man, for being so vulnerable, you know, on the
00:16:17.540 podcast.
00:16:19.680 And helping everyone that you help, you know, through their daily struggles.
00:16:23.160 I mean, you help me, it's my day-to-day life.
00:16:26.300 I mean, when I want to feel something, I just turn you on, man.
00:16:30.580 It's, uh, I'm so thankful that I started listening to you, and I was finally able to come see you.
00:16:37.020 Uh, just want to say thanks, man, on behalf of all your fans.
00:16:41.040 We love you.
00:16:42.360 Uh, just wish you the best, man.
00:16:45.200 Gang, baby, thank you.
00:16:47.120 Thank you, brother.
00:16:47.920 Um, yeah, I love you guys, too.
00:16:51.660 You know, I love you guys, too.
00:16:54.340 Yeah, it's been a long, you know, it's been a, I don't know what it's been.
00:16:59.840 This is just my life.
00:17:01.480 And, uh, and, yeah, I'm just doing my best.
00:17:06.360 And I know you guys are doing your best.
00:17:08.080 And so, yeah, I'm just grateful that we kind of have, we have this space where we kind of get to meet.
00:17:14.300 And that's when I see at shows, I know, I see that.
00:17:17.880 There's a lot of people that are just similar to me.
00:17:21.260 Um, they don't always know what's going on.
00:17:27.500 Uh, and they just want everything to be okay.
00:17:31.620 Um, and I always get told that we have the nicest crowds that show up.
00:17:36.960 I get told every time.
00:17:38.740 People say, this is the nicest crowd.
00:17:40.820 Um, but yeah, man, I'm just doing my best, man.
00:17:46.420 And I appreciate you being, uh, you know, you're probably similar to me.
00:17:53.980 That's one thing that people say sometimes.
00:17:55.660 Do you, you know, you like meeting people at the show and stuff.
00:17:58.060 I said, well, most of these people are people that I probably, they, they know so much about me.
00:18:02.680 And we share so much callers share so much that we've kind of, we probably would get along.
00:18:11.820 We'd talk anyway, if we just saw each other in regular life.
00:18:15.200 So, uh, pretty cool, man.
00:18:18.180 Just happy to be a part of this group.
00:18:19.480 And, uh, and thanks for the call, brother.
00:18:21.280 And thanks for coming out, baby.
00:18:22.920 And thanks for coming out, dude.
00:18:24.240 And lay off them S cakes, baby. 1.00
00:18:25.980 You know what I'm saying, dude?
00:18:27.060 Dang.
00:18:28.140 I can't believe them, them teachers serving them things.
00:18:31.900 Dude, if you get an S plus on the, if the teacher gives you an S plus, that's a, that's an illegal grade, baby. 0.98
00:18:39.020 That's semen. 1.00
00:18:40.560 Damn. 1.00
00:18:41.360 That's semen, bro. 1.00
00:18:42.500 What are they doing? 0.98
00:18:44.180 You gotta, what you gotta go to hit, you know, ask a neighbor for something.
00:18:49.820 If you need, uh, you know, sometimes I know you don't have certain product, but ask a neighbor.
00:18:53.820 You don't look inside of your body to, uh, to complete a recipe for children.
00:19:01.240 You know, I'm going to brush up on my Spanish and I'm going to use Babel. 1.00
00:19:04.220 That will help me.
00:19:05.980 So I'm excited about that.
00:19:09.320 Um, what do you think Riley Mao? 0.68
00:19:12.440 Would you ever have a semen cake? 0.94
00:19:14.780 Would you handle, have you heard of anything like that? 0.97
00:19:17.060 What is that in your culture?
00:19:17.980 What do they say about that?
00:19:19.600 Um, I don't know.
00:19:20.580 I've haven't heard anything of that.
00:19:22.120 All right. 0.90
00:19:24.960 And have you ever, and, uh, and you, I mean, I know you have a storied history with semen
00:19:30.480 yourself and not even, you know, never getting it out of your own body, you know, which is,
00:19:36.080 um, we've discussed it before.
00:19:38.540 Right. 0.73
00:19:39.240 And do you, have you ever seen semen? 0.94
00:19:42.240 Is that okay to ask you? 0.81
00:19:43.420 I have not.
00:19:46.400 Dang, boy.
00:19:49.560 Dang.
00:19:49.960 That's, I mean, there's just, I feel like there's a lot of it out there, but I'm proud
00:19:55.800 of you, man.
00:19:56.820 Thanks.
00:19:57.320 I'm proud of you, man.
00:19:58.620 Um, what's happening?
00:20:00.180 How are you?
00:20:01.580 Uh, I've been well.
00:20:02.800 Yeah.
00:20:03.180 You've been dating.
00:20:03.960 What's going on?
00:20:04.500 Give me the update.
00:20:05.140 I want to know the, uh, the ins and outs of it.
00:20:09.720 Yeah.
00:20:10.160 I mean, um, there was this girl that I met over Facebook.
00:20:14.640 Um, okay.
00:20:16.480 And we just started hanging out.
00:20:19.880 And what does that mean?
00:20:20.920 You're hanging out.
00:20:21.740 You guys are walking around.
00:20:23.040 You guys are looking at stuff.
00:20:24.400 Where was the first date you took her?
00:20:26.700 Uh, I took her to a music show.
00:20:28.280 Oh, okay.
00:20:29.440 And did she like music?
00:20:30.700 Were you guessing that she liked music or had she done something?
00:20:33.340 Had she, had you seen her maybe do a, get, you know, you know, do like this with her
00:20:38.200 fingers or do like this or something?
00:20:40.140 Had she given any clue to that?
00:20:42.280 No.
00:20:42.700 The only thing I saw that she loved country music. 0.83
00:20:45.060 Okay.
00:20:45.920 And you could tell that.
00:20:46.940 How did you know it?
00:20:48.020 Uh, I saw on her Facebook.
00:20:49.360 Oh, nice.
00:20:50.780 A little recon, huh?
00:20:52.600 And when you saw her for the first time, uh, did you meet her at the place?
00:20:58.060 No, I met her at a coffee shop.
00:20:59.560 Okay.
00:20:59.900 You met her at the coffee shop.
00:21:00.900 Oh, you met her for the first time ever at a coffee shop after seeing her online.
00:21:04.140 Right.
00:21:04.760 And did you meet her outside or inside?
00:21:06.740 Inside.
00:21:07.360 Nice.
00:21:08.060 Nice, nice, nice.
00:21:08.900 A more chill move.
00:21:09.940 Mm-hmm.
00:21:10.300 Yeah.
00:21:10.720 Good.
00:21:11.640 And so what happened?
00:21:13.020 Had it, had it, had it escalated or how, how, how did it go?
00:21:16.080 Yeah.
00:21:16.480 I mean, we, at least what I thought we were going on a couple of dates.
00:21:19.920 Ooh, okay.
00:21:21.300 Okay.
00:21:21.860 And what was it about it that you, that you liked her?
00:21:24.200 Like if you had to name, if you had to name two things about her that you liked, just one word.
00:21:30.900 She's just a. 1.00
00:21:36.740 Just one word.
00:21:37.340 Just one word.
00:21:38.520 She's cute. 0.95
00:21:40.220 Mm, that's good.
00:21:42.080 That's good.
00:21:42.680 And tall?
00:21:43.140 Show me how tall with your hand if you can.
00:21:45.440 Eh.
00:21:45.740 I mean, she's probably five, seven.
00:21:50.220 Ooh, ooh, that's nice, boy.
00:21:52.440 That's nice.
00:21:53.140 You need that at least.
00:21:54.040 I've almost, you gotta have a decent amount of woman. 1.00
00:21:56.580 Right.
00:21:56.680 You know?
00:21:57.320 You want enough.
00:21:59.000 You want enough.
00:22:00.080 Because sometimes, unless the smaller ones, they got more fire in them.
00:22:03.460 Mm-hmm.
00:22:03.960 Because the longer they get, sometimes they run out of fire.
00:22:06.260 You meet a girl six, five, and she barely, you know, can't, barely keep her eyes open.
00:22:11.420 Right.
00:22:11.580 Because the gas can't get, get up that high.
00:22:14.520 Um, and what happened?
00:22:16.280 Did you, uh, did you guys, did it escalate into a, you know, were you, did you guys ever
00:22:21.700 make out or any?
00:22:23.680 Uh, no, almost.
00:22:25.260 Okay.
00:22:26.100 And what happened?
00:22:26.900 Did you, were you?
00:22:29.200 So, yeah.
00:22:29.440 So we were at a karaoke bar.
00:22:30.840 Okay, nice.
00:22:31.560 And did you sing anything?
00:22:32.840 I did.
00:22:33.620 Okay, good.
00:22:34.980 Good.
00:22:36.240 Look at you, man.
00:22:37.360 Did you pick out the song?
00:22:38.560 No, she did.
00:22:39.480 Okay.
00:22:40.460 Wow, that's good.
00:22:42.340 That's good.
00:22:44.100 And then what happened?
00:22:46.160 Um, we sat next to each other.
00:22:47.840 Um, her head was on my shoulder at one point.
00:22:50.620 Which shoulder?
00:22:51.840 My right shoulder.
00:22:52.640 Oh, yeah.
00:22:53.340 And are you right-handed or left-handed?
00:22:54.860 Right-handed.
00:22:56.540 Um, okay.
00:22:58.460 Would you rather she was on your left shoulder or are you okay with that?
00:23:00.780 I was okay with it.
00:23:01.580 Oh, yeah.
00:23:02.960 Oh, yeah.
00:23:04.220 And then what happened?
00:23:05.280 Did you have, because that's kind of when you move the mouth down there and you kind
00:23:07.960 of take a chance.
00:23:09.080 Right.
00:23:09.560 I should have.
00:23:10.380 Oh, were you feeling it in your body at all?
00:23:12.620 Did you, what were you feeling in your body?
00:23:14.640 I was just feeling excitement.
00:23:15.960 Okay.
00:23:16.260 And nervousness.
00:23:17.360 Okay.
00:23:18.000 And were you feeling erect or anything like that?
00:23:19.880 Are you feeling calm?
00:23:21.100 Feeling calm.
00:23:21.740 Okay.
00:23:22.640 Wow, that's great.
00:23:25.220 Oh, man.
00:23:25.980 And then what happened?
00:23:27.680 Then we left and I took her home.
00:23:29.920 Um, and did you, did you try to advance it at some point?
00:23:34.160 Did you say, you know, did you let her know what was going on like with you or how did
00:23:37.540 you know it?
00:23:38.240 Because it sounds like it's over now.
00:23:39.960 Yeah.
00:23:40.200 So I, I told her a couple of weeks later, um, sat her down.
00:23:44.400 I was like, Hey, can we talk?
00:23:46.980 And I just told her how I felt.
00:23:48.540 Were you nervous?
00:23:49.200 I was.
00:23:49.780 What were you feeling like?
00:23:51.220 I was, man, I was so nervous.
00:23:53.500 So give me four words how you were feeling.
00:23:55.080 Yeah.
00:23:59.920 Um, happy, nervous.
00:24:03.780 Oh yeah.
00:24:05.360 I can only come up with two.
00:24:06.780 Oh yeah.
00:24:07.920 That's hard.
00:24:08.640 I'm, then that means a lot was probably going on because yeah, if you can only come up with
00:24:12.020 two words, dude, and you had all those things going inside of you, were you scared?
00:24:16.800 Yeah.
00:24:17.360 Okay.
00:24:17.960 Scared.
00:24:18.860 Oh, terrified. 1.00
00:24:19.920 Damn. 1.00
00:24:20.620 So you were really dealing with it all. 1.00
00:24:22.500 Right.
00:24:22.800 So you sat her down where inside?
00:24:24.500 Um, just in my car.
00:24:26.240 Oh yeah, boy.
00:24:28.340 And did you park or were you driving?
00:24:30.860 Park.
00:24:31.260 Oh, dude.
00:24:32.180 I like to keep driving if things are going to be serious because at least something's
00:24:35.280 happening.
00:24:36.120 But once you stop, you're like, things feel real heavy.
00:24:39.680 Right.
00:24:41.320 Um, or at least, uh, put on the wipers.
00:24:44.620 I do something to create like some type of a movement.
00:24:48.460 But, uh, and what did you say to her?
00:24:50.880 Um, I told her, I, I was like, you know, that one song, you know, I really like you by
00:24:55.280 Carly Rae Jepsen.
00:24:56.520 Ooh.
00:24:56.880 She was like, yeah.
00:24:58.080 So I said, cool.
00:24:59.540 Well, yeah, that, I, I really like you.
00:25:02.700 Oh, you just dropped it on her, huh?
00:25:04.700 Mm-hmm.
00:25:05.000 And then what did you, you close your eyes after that?
00:25:08.000 No, I kept them open. 0.99
00:25:09.180 Oh, that's brave as fuck. 0.99
00:25:10.720 I wanted to see your reaction. 1.00
00:25:12.100 Oh, the gayest thing you can do, dude. 1.00
00:25:13.700 And not even like in a homoerotic way is just say something real and then just close your 0.99
00:25:18.900 eyes, bro.
00:25:20.260 Oh, that's unbelievable.
00:25:21.380 That's fricking serves.
00:25:25.040 Whoever does that dude, serve him one of them S cakes, baby. 1.00
00:25:27.680 You know what I'm talking about.
00:25:29.580 Um, but, um, no, she basically said it was bad timing.
00:25:33.800 Bad timing.
00:25:34.440 Why?
00:25:34.660 What?
00:25:35.160 Uh, and you were still just sitting in the car?
00:25:38.740 Yeah.
00:25:39.120 Oh, oh, must've hurt, did it?
00:25:45.900 Yeah. 1.00
00:25:46.620 Fuck. 1.00
00:25:47.400 And were you at her house? 1.00
00:25:48.380 You still had a driver somewhere after?
00:25:49.940 No, I was at her apartment.
00:25:51.180 Oh, that's good.
00:25:51.980 So then it's like she can leave and it's done.
00:25:53.880 Right.
00:25:54.200 But what, why would she say she, it was bad timing?
00:25:57.200 I mean, just her family was visiting her.
00:26:00.580 She had some friends from home visiting her.
00:26:03.600 Um, stuff happened with her car.
00:26:05.760 Stuff happened with her car.
00:26:07.000 Like what, she had car problems.
00:26:09.400 How does car, I mean, gosh, how does car problems happen?
00:26:15.540 I never heard something, you know, like, you know, my blinker doesn't work or whatever.
00:26:20.640 So I can't date you or whatever.
00:26:22.220 Like that's, I don't, that sounds crazy to me, you know?
00:26:27.900 Yeah.
00:26:28.340 Like, I, like I need like, you know, my rotors are bad or whatever.
00:26:32.000 So I can't fall in love or something like that.
00:26:33.940 Like, what did she, what else did she say about it?
00:26:37.860 Um, I mean, she just said that her car got broken into, um, which I mean.
00:26:42.440 But that's crime.
00:26:43.160 That has nothing to do with y'all's feelings, I don't feel like.
00:26:45.300 Right.
00:26:46.340 That's why I was really confused.
00:26:48.740 And what else?
00:26:49.720 Because she said car problems.
00:26:51.100 Um, she, she was at a church and her wheel got stolen.
00:26:59.320 Are you serious?
00:27:00.540 Jesus Christ.
00:27:02.060 Jesus take the wheel, baby. 1.00
00:27:03.700 Damn, that's just insane. 1.00
00:27:06.120 Look, brother, if you're getting stolen from that church, bro, you bad luck. 1.00
00:27:11.320 That lady sounded like witchcraft, bro. 1.00
00:27:13.280 If they, if people stealing from you, you out there, your, your shit's parked in the Lord's yard and somebody's out there jacking your wheels, baby. 1.00
00:27:25.200 Damn, son. 1.00
00:27:26.240 That's look, that's, that's, that's, you know, that's, if that's what's happening, man, it sounds like then maybe it was for the best, dude, because that's crazy. 0.99
00:27:36.500 So I'm having car problems, so I can't date, like, but I guess if your wheel gets stolen, I guess it is hard to date somebody, huh?
00:27:44.180 I guess, apparently. 0.99
00:27:45.480 Damn, man. 0.99
00:27:47.220 Well, I'm sorry, dude. 1.00
00:27:48.280 I would buy, I'd honestly put a wheel on her car, bro, if she'd go out with you.
00:27:51.380 Right.
00:27:53.260 So where are you back at now?
00:27:54.540 Does ground zero?
00:27:55.520 Yep. 0.99
00:27:56.320 But still no masturbation, huh? 0.99
00:27:58.000 Right. 0.99
00:27:59.100 Unbelievable.
00:28:01.040 Dang, big dog.
00:28:03.340 You saving that thing, boy.
00:28:05.060 My God.
00:28:06.960 I know some political men that would smell you nuts for probably a couple thousand, baby. 1.00
00:28:11.300 Damn. 0.99
00:28:13.320 Well, good to see you feel healthy. 0.99
00:28:15.900 I do, yeah.
00:28:16.960 Yeah?
00:28:17.540 You still growing?
00:28:18.540 I am.
00:28:19.180 Oh, that's great, man.
00:28:20.260 God, you got a lot going on then.
00:28:23.400 You got a lot going on.
00:28:24.860 Riley Mao, thank you so much for being here and telling us what's going on, man.
00:28:28.080 Thanks for having me on.
00:28:29.720 Yep, you bet, dude.
00:28:32.900 What else is going on?
00:28:34.640 Oh.
00:28:36.500 Let me see.
00:28:38.580 We had a couple more calls that came in.
00:28:40.580 Oh, we got to Chicago and that was, oh, man.
00:28:44.360 It was all awesome.
00:28:45.520 I mean, it's all, touring is awesome, you know?
00:28:47.460 It's like you go and you get to see all these people and you see some of them in the street.
00:28:50.800 You see some, and it's just like, like in Lafayette, I went down to the YMCA and got me a workout in right before the show.
00:28:58.540 So, I'm running down the street.
00:29:01.160 Some kid work at a candy shop.
00:29:02.940 He comes running out.
00:29:04.000 He's like, guy, guy, you want, you want some of these caramels, mother?
00:29:10.240 And it was just, you know, it was beautiful. 0.75
00:29:13.600 You know, it was just damn beautiful, man. 1.00
00:29:15.100 And so, just shit like that, you know. 0.99
00:29:18.060 So, I'm trying to think what else happened that was, oh, in Chicago we get there and there's a dude outside dressed as Captain America. 0.99
00:29:31.000 And he stayed outside of the bus for about two hours and he stood out there and he had a sign.
00:29:41.520 And I'll put this picture in the YouTubes so you can see it.
00:29:45.120 He had a sign on him that said something, I just saved the world but I can't afford tickets to your show.
00:29:52.360 Which is crazy because there were $40 tickets available.
00:29:55.820 So, that's bizarre.
00:29:58.000 But, hey, but maybe that was a lot, you know, a ton for him.
00:30:01.920 And so, anyway, we set him up with some tickets.
00:30:04.960 And, yeah.
00:30:07.920 And, I mean, he didn't even have mittens on.
00:30:11.040 And it was cold.
00:30:12.060 It was cold.
00:30:12.600 It was in an alley in Chicago.
00:30:15.100 So, that was pretty, I mean, it's just crazy when Captain America is coming out to the show or even just a third stringer.
00:30:22.320 You know, when they're coming out and showing love, man, it was beautiful.
00:30:24.960 So, what else happened?
00:30:29.380 What else happened?
00:30:30.680 I got to have my tour manager, Tim, on soon.
00:30:34.600 He is almost the memory.
00:30:38.240 He acts as the memory.
00:30:41.120 We had, yeah, Chance Willie, Maddie Smith.
00:30:44.500 We're on the shows opening up.
00:30:46.640 Tall Alex.
00:30:47.960 Oh.
00:30:48.440 And we got to Chicago.
00:30:52.180 This was crazy.
00:30:52.880 We got to Chicago.
00:30:54.920 And it was just, I mean, it was the biggest show I've ever done.
00:31:01.880 You know, it was, I think, 35 something, 35 something hundred.
00:31:06.060 And, man, it just, it was magical.
00:31:12.220 Even just walking in that place.
00:31:15.700 And there was just so much love.
00:31:17.940 And I wish I could have done a meet and greet or jumped outside.
00:31:22.280 There's just, it was cold.
00:31:23.540 And there's people rape.
00:31:24.620 I mean, people running to their cars.
00:31:28.600 Chicago's the kind of place you're walking down the street.
00:31:30.040 Somebody falls. 1.00
00:31:31.880 Fuck them, bro. 1.00
00:31:33.880 You keep going. 1.00
00:31:34.640 I've seen people keep going.
00:31:36.220 Leave their fathers stuck in a crack.
00:31:38.900 It's just, the weather is right there.
00:31:42.480 Jack Frost is, I mean, he's nipping at your nose, dude. 1.00
00:31:46.460 And he's wiggling at your ass, bro. 1.00
00:31:49.180 You know what I'm saying? 1.00
00:31:50.000 He's about to serve an S cake, bro. 0.92
00:31:52.220 You know what I'm talking about.
00:31:53.860 He's about to serve one of them, uh, tangent,
00:31:56.660 that one of those Livingston Parish nut desserts, baby.
00:31:59.140 You know what I'm saying? 0.90
00:32:00.820 That's semen cake, baby. 0.99
00:32:02.460 That energy drink. 1.00
00:32:03.500 Like, damn, what are they doing? 0.99
00:32:05.660 I mean, this kind of stuff has to stop, man. 1.00
00:32:09.020 When I was young, you jerked off and you did it for, you know, 0.98
00:32:12.080 mostly for yourself only. 0.98
00:32:14.780 Um, bridge credit solutions.
00:32:22.580 I'll tell you that bridge credit solutions is different.
00:32:26.660 I've used them.
00:32:28.320 I couldn't get money to get my house.
00:32:30.360 I couldn't get the right mortgage because I had a couple of dings.
00:32:33.680 They call them on my credit number.
00:32:36.680 So I had to get them adjusted and that was that, uh, they helped me within I think six
00:32:44.620 weeks.
00:32:44.960 They had them tightened up and I was then able to get a loan, uh, with a lower interest.
00:32:49.420 So it saved me a lot of money.
00:32:51.140 That's the facts.
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00:32:56.320 removed.
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00:33:46.580 They work.
00:33:47.940 They really work.
00:33:50.620 Um, what else, what else do we have that happened?
00:33:57.540 I mean, yeah, it was just so magical.
00:33:58.660 I wish I was feeling better.
00:33:59.860 I've had a fever for about four days and so my, everything just feels kind of, I think that
00:34:05.040 weather got me.
00:34:07.440 Um, yeah.
00:34:08.880 But I'm trying to think of some other stuff that we were on the, I mean, the bus is just,
00:34:14.560 you're just kind of, you know, it's tight confines on there and you breathe in a lot of
00:34:19.880 the same air.
00:34:20.660 So you can't get a lot of new ideas because your air has the same, it's coming to your
00:34:25.300 body and going out. 0.99
00:34:27.180 So you basically just huffing the same bullshit that's been in your brain because I mean, 0.99
00:34:32.720 you, you know, if you, if you have some, an idea in your body and in your head and you 0.99
00:34:38.580 breathe out, it's part of, it's in the air, you breathe it back in and you just sit in
00:34:43.160 there.
00:34:43.440 You basically just, you just hot hose hitting your own fricking, uh, poor choices sometimes 0.66
00:34:52.020 at some point, but I wanted to, I wanted to come and be here with you guys.
00:34:56.680 Um, I wanted to take a couple of calls and see what was going on in you guys's world as
00:35:02.580 well.
00:35:02.880 Um, what do we got right here?
00:35:09.320 Hey Theo, it is Jessica from California and I'm not sure if ladies are allowed to call 1.00
00:35:15.280 in.
00:35:16.140 Oh yeah.
00:35:16.740 Ladies, welcome. 0.99
00:35:18.040 Ladies, welcome. 0.99
00:35:19.360 Thank you.
00:35:19.980 I don't hear a lot of that.
00:35:22.180 Uh, anyhow, I just want to say I'm really taken by the last episode, the, uh, episode you
00:35:28.600 had solo, um, talking about ayahuasca and therapy and all of that.
00:35:33.560 I went to Peru myself and did ayahuasca and the way you articulated it was perfect.
00:35:39.700 Um, like giving your, like God giving the secrets away or giving your heart a chance to
00:35:45.660 talk was really beautiful and spot on.
00:35:48.500 Thank you very much.
00:35:49.660 Yeah.
00:35:50.060 It's like your, it's like your heart gets a brain in it.
00:35:53.620 Um, it's like your soul gets to fart kind of.
00:35:57.500 Uh, it's, it's unbelievable.
00:36:02.120 I just got back from another experience, uh, with it and I'm going to talk about that a
00:36:06.360 lot.
00:36:06.540 I'm not really ready to yet.
00:36:07.740 I don't think, or I just, I don't want to talk about it in our, when I feel like I'm
00:36:10.760 on kind of a, um, when I'm, I just want to feel a little more settled.
00:36:16.280 This week has been just a ride.
00:36:18.140 And last weekend is when I did the ayahuasca, uh, the second time.
00:36:22.360 So this has been just a, and then I went right into the touring.
00:36:25.340 So it's just been a wild week.
00:36:26.600 Let's hear more.
00:36:28.320 And, uh, reminded me how much I need to get back to it because I don't think it's just
00:36:33.300 a one shot deal.
00:36:35.120 Um, and just thank you for your vulnerability.
00:36:37.740 Cause you show a good example to men on how to be vulnerable.
00:36:42.380 I know you probably don't think that way with what you're struggling with, but it is good
00:36:48.180 to have an example to the masculine about how it looks and what it looks like to be in
00:36:54.960 touch with yourself and not to be scared of that.
00:36:58.440 So you're doing great.
00:37:00.820 And I thank you for your vulnerability and I'll see you around Los Angeles.
00:37:05.020 I live in studio.
00:37:06.680 It doesn't matter.
00:37:07.240 Okay.
00:37:07.540 Um, we'll thank you again. 1.00
00:37:09.560 Shooter, shoot, baby. 0.99
00:37:10.740 Uh, I love you young lady. 0.98
00:37:13.320 Thank you for the call.
00:37:14.100 Um, yeah, you know, I, I, I don't really have any other choice.
00:37:18.680 I don't think, but to be where I'm at in my life.
00:37:21.680 Um, and it is hard. 0.83
00:37:24.060 Sometimes I feel, you know, uh, sometimes I feel like a little bitch, honestly, in some 0.98
00:37:31.780 ways. 0.95
00:37:31.960 I know that's just a term, right?
00:37:33.300 Um, but I didn't have, I need, you know, I think part of me, I grew a little, I grew 0.94
00:37:38.240 a little bitch in me because I didn't have that motherly love I needed. 1.00
00:37:42.700 So part of me probably sprouted a bitch inside of me because I needed that. 1.00
00:37:48.240 It's amazing what you will create, what you're, what you will create inside of yourself, uh, 0.99
00:37:55.140 when you need it.
00:37:56.740 So, um, but anyway, thanks for the words.
00:38:01.360 Yeah, I'm just, uh, I don't know.
00:38:02.520 I'm just trying to be alive and, uh, and yeah, I just, I don't know.
00:38:09.060 Uh, the, the ayahuasca experience has been a, it's been really amazing.
00:38:12.620 I don't know if it's, I don't know.
00:38:16.900 I have a lot of thoughts on it.
00:38:18.220 I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll get into it at a different time, maybe next week.
00:38:22.760 Um, when it just hasn't been such a jump, just, uh, it just hasn't been such a time.
00:38:29.640 This has been a long little stretch.
00:38:32.000 I feel rattled right now, kind of all over the place.
00:38:34.760 Um, I'm trying to make it down to, uh, Mardi Gras to spend some time with my family in Louisiana.
00:38:40.780 Um, you know, I miss, uh, I miss my hometown some, and I miss my family some.
00:38:52.520 Um, and yeah, I don't know.
00:38:55.500 I really just, I don't know.
00:38:58.200 I miss being around people that I know really care about me and who I care about.
00:39:02.660 Um, so I'm gonna go, I hope to spend some time doing a little bit of that this week.
00:39:08.960 Uh, so what else, what else do we have?
00:39:13.580 Um, do you have any regrets about the lady, Riley?
00:39:19.540 I don't.
00:39:23.120 Uh, do you, uh, do you feel like she was into you?
00:39:27.480 Do you feel like, what do you feel like?
00:39:28.800 Um, yeah, um, I felt like she was into me.
00:39:32.040 Um, did you do something that sent her away?
00:39:34.500 Do you feel like there was a false move you made?
00:39:36.600 No, I didn't. 0.99
00:39:39.560 Damn, man, I feel for you. 1.00
00:39:43.200 I feel for you. 0.99
00:39:45.660 And do you feel like she had good intentions with you?
00:39:49.240 Oh, definitely.
00:39:52.580 Okay.
00:39:54.740 Okay, man.
00:39:56.000 But you're out there.
00:39:56.900 You're looking for love, huh?
00:39:58.040 I am.
00:39:59.280 Gosh, you're right there on the front lines, aren't you? 0.99
00:40:02.840 But you're not even, yeah, damn. 0.99
00:40:05.500 And now what if you get her to a moment with a woman and she wants to be sexual? 1.00
00:40:09.700 You know what I'm saying?
00:40:10.540 She wants that Livingston Parish dessert. 0.98
00:40:12.480 What you gonna do then?
00:40:14.980 I don't know.
00:40:15.860 I don't think it'll ever get to that point.
00:40:17.480 What?
00:40:19.160 It has, you know, it has to, huh?
00:40:22.520 I mean, at some point you have to, you know, you just, why?
00:40:25.560 You just think you're not gonna have that, any luck with ladies? 1.00
00:40:29.000 I don't know.
00:40:29.880 I don't know.
00:40:31.860 So far, not yet.
00:40:33.240 Hmm.
00:40:34.680 But how old are you now?
00:40:36.020 23. 1.00
00:40:36.880 Oh, you got time to kill them, man. 0.99
00:40:39.340 I think if by 30 you haven't maybe gotten to, you know, at least a, I mean, what are you 0.99
00:40:48.660 allowed to do sexually before you have to go to church, before you have to get married?
00:40:52.900 I mean, how, can you have any type of sexual interaction or it's just actual sex you can't
00:40:58.240 have? 0.82
00:40:58.880 I think it's just actual sex you can't have. 0.93
00:41:00.840 Okay. 0.91
00:41:02.100 Okay.
00:41:02.900 So you can get a little feeling and a little touchy touchy and do some heavy hugging, huh?
00:41:07.920 Right.
00:41:08.440 Okay. 1.00
00:41:09.480 Damn, there you go. 1.00
00:41:11.840 Wow, bum. 1.00
00:41:13.540 Mmm.
00:41:15.620 Man, and you haven't even had a wet dream or anything like that, huh?
00:41:18.880 Right.
00:41:19.800 Not yet.
00:41:20.200 Wow.
00:41:21.320 I'm surprised, dude.
00:41:22.820 I'm surprised Satan didn't just pry open that little tuna can, bruh. 1.00
00:41:27.220 Damn, brother. 1.00
00:41:29.240 I'm surprised, dude. 1.00
00:41:30.540 I bet a damn strong wind comes up your spine the right way, dude. 0.98
00:41:34.480 You'll start. 0.99
00:41:35.900 Oh, you'll water the pants. 1.00
00:41:40.240 Yeah, thank you guys.
00:41:41.360 A lot of great calls came in about the, about ayahuasca stuff and thoughts like that.
00:41:46.260 And I will get into it.
00:41:47.660 Um, maybe next week.
00:41:50.260 I'm still kind of sorting through some of my feelings.
00:41:53.180 Because you come out that thing and you really, a lot of your peel is gone. 0.97
00:41:56.960 So you just, you feeling just damn. 0.95
00:41:59.820 You just heavy in the peach, baby. 0.98
00:42:01.760 You know?
00:42:02.920 Your peach is feeling real damp.
00:42:05.600 So, um, would you ever try something like that?
00:42:10.320 An exotic drug, Riley?
00:42:11.440 Um, I wouldn't.
00:42:14.160 Really?
00:42:14.700 Yeah.
00:42:15.220 God is your dope, huh?
00:42:16.600 Mm-hmm.
00:42:17.540 Man, I love it. 1.00
00:42:19.100 Oh, God, boy, I want to cut your damn arm up and eat that bitch. 1.00
00:42:23.380 Um, what else? 1.00
00:42:25.600 You have any other, you want to say goodbye, Riley, anything?
00:42:28.140 Um, actually, I, now that I think of it, I don't think she had good intentions.
00:42:32.680 Who's, oh, the date?
00:42:33.760 Right.
00:42:34.280 Oh, wow.
00:42:35.120 What, uh, what made you believe that?
00:42:37.180 I just feel like she was using me for all my connections.
00:42:41.980 What, what do you mean?
00:42:43.380 You're, what type of connections for?
00:42:46.020 Um, for all of my bands, her favorite artists.
00:42:49.700 Oh, because you work in audio and you felt maybe she was using you.
00:42:55.160 Right.
00:42:55.600 Wow.
00:42:56.520 Any band in particular?
00:42:58.340 Uh, yeah, Shinedown's one of them. 0.99
00:43:02.300 Damn. 0.99
00:43:02.820 Look, it's a, that's the world we live in, Riley, and that's the thing. 0.99
00:43:08.380 I don't know if I want you out here with you, uh, you know, getting sprung out and hammering
00:43:12.760 down on these chickens, bro, because that's the world we live in, Riley.
00:43:17.740 A woman will come over here and she'll fricking, you know, she'll rub that little genie lamp 1.00
00:43:23.920 of some little Christian just to get some damn Shinedown tickets out of them, you know? 1.00
00:43:29.880 And that's the kind of shit that breaks my heart. 1.00
00:43:32.820 Oh man, how do you know? 1.00
00:43:38.220 How are you going to know in the future, Riley, if they're good, if they, you know, I guess
00:43:41.880 it doesn't matter.
00:43:42.460 You just keep trying, huh?
00:43:43.600 Right. 1.00
00:43:44.140 Damn. 1.00
00:43:46.020 That's it, baby. 1.00
00:43:47.100 Just throw your heart up in the air and hit that bitch with a bat. 1.00
00:43:50.740 And then you just, you hope somebody catches it, you know? 1.00
00:43:57.280 You hope somebody catches it.
00:43:59.280 And are you guys allowed to do homosexuality in your church or not?
00:44:02.820 I don't think so. 1.00
00:44:05.740 Well, damn. 0.99
00:44:09.000 Riley Mao, guys. 1.00
00:44:11.880 Out here.
00:44:14.220 Getting taken advantage of.
00:44:17.160 It's dark, baby.
00:44:18.240 On the way out, I want to tell you that the last website you will ever need is now available
00:44:27.100 from Modify, M-O-D-I-P-H-Y.
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00:45:19.720 Yeah.
00:45:20.560 I'm excited to get to Louisiana and see my family.
00:45:22.880 I wanted to make this episode because the same reason.
00:45:26.480 We do, you know, we try to show up.
00:45:29.020 So, you guys showed up for me this week.
00:45:33.520 You guys show up for me every week.
00:45:36.400 You know, I don't think I tell you sometimes enough how much you guys mean to me and girls
00:45:40.280 and just, man, I just feel, I don't know.
00:45:46.900 I feel like we're doing something.
00:45:50.080 You know, I don't know what it is.
00:45:53.160 But, I feel like it's the right thing, baby.
00:45:57.020 Gang, gang, you know.
00:45:59.580 So, you guys be good to yourselves.
00:46:03.160 You deserve it.
00:46:04.500 And, I'm going to try and do the same.
00:46:06.720 Let's hit this one on the way out.
00:46:08.360 This is Robert Finley.
00:46:10.980 Get it while you can.
00:46:18.120 Off his album, Going Platinum.
00:46:22.700 Robert Finley.
00:46:23.900 Trying to love this woman
00:46:33.840 It's going to break my back
00:46:37.180 If I'm working for a living don't
00:46:40.900 Give me a heart attack
00:46:43.280 You gotta take it when you can get it
00:46:46.720 Get it while you can
00:46:49.660 Wrap it up in bacon
00:46:52.980 Sizzle it in a pan
00:46:55.940 If it don't come in the mail
00:46:58.720 Walk it back
00:46:59.880 Come in the movie, man
00:47:02.000 Well, you gotta take it when you can get it
00:47:05.480 And get it while you can
00:47:08.280 You ever go to any of those church camps, Raleigh Mow?
00:47:12.420 I have not
00:47:13.140 Wow, you never have
00:47:14.460 No
00:47:14.940 You never went to a church camp or nothing?
00:47:18.780 I don't
00:47:19.040 You ever been at a
00:47:20.960 Because I just don't see how you haven't seen somebody else
00:47:23.740 Masturbating themselves, you know
00:47:25.660 I feel like a lot of times that happens with young men 0.99
00:47:28.060 You're somewhere else and you see somebody masturbate themselves
00:47:30.320 You never witnessed anything like that, huh? 0.63
00:47:32.820 I have not
00:47:33.300 And you ever had a brother?
00:47:34.800 You have a brother?
00:47:35.420 I do
00:47:35.720 And have you ever walked in on him on accident or something
00:47:38.480 Or, you know, bumped into him real hard and he came or something?
00:47:42.080 No, I don't think so
00:47:43.120 Wow
00:47:43.620 Wow, y'all just have a different family, man
00:47:48.620 I feel like that's a lot of times
00:47:51.700 A lot of young men, they learn it like that, you know
00:47:54.240 They learn it like that
00:47:55.500 You get
00:47:56.000 I'm sure there's probably
00:47:58.260 If there's anybody out there
00:47:59.460 If you ever had a brother 0.98
00:48:00.540 You've accidentally seen your brother masturbate or something 0.98
00:48:02.960 You know, and I'm not trying to be 0.99
00:48:05.160 You know, nasty or whatever
00:48:08.020 But I'm just curious the effect it has on you
00:48:10.900 Can you still
00:48:11.820 Look at him the same?
00:48:14.040 Is everything still okay between you?
00:48:17.580 And if you saw him, do you tell him?
00:48:19.980 Do you let him know that?
00:48:20.880 Or is that a private thing?
00:48:22.260 And
00:48:22.280 You know, or if your brother saw you
00:48:25.680 How did you handle that?
00:48:28.340 You know, how did you handle that?
00:48:30.440 Hit the hotline with someone
00:48:31.520 I might be interested in chatter
00:48:32.660 And we can learn from each other
00:48:34.020 985-664-9503
00:48:38.840 What do you think on that rally?
00:48:46.460 Yeah
00:48:46.860 You heard the man
00:48:53.560 You heard the man
00:48:53.580 What do you think on that rally?
00:48:56.900 You got to take it when you can
00:48:58.900 Get it
00:48:59.460 Get it
00:49:01.140 While you can
00:49:02.500 Wrap it up in bacon
00:49:05.660 And chill it in a pan
00:49:08.900 It may not
00:49:10.600 Run in a bell
00:49:11.960 It might take a moving van
00:49:14.680 But you got to take it
00:49:16.460 When you can get it
00:49:17.960 And get it
00:49:19.780 When you can
00:49:21.060 Yeah, I want to thank
00:49:31.320 Bizzle Gibbons
00:49:32.120 I want to thank
00:49:32.880 Isaac Heckert
00:49:34.980 For the support this week
00:49:37.440 Colin Reiner
00:49:38.100 Riley Mao
00:49:38.760 Jimmy Rector
00:49:39.480 Everybody who helps
00:49:40.940 Make
00:49:41.480 This podcast
00:49:43.200 And
00:49:44.000 And the tour
00:49:45.500 Work
00:49:46.000 You guys be good to yourselves
00:49:48.100 Baby gang
00:49:48.840 Love ya
00:49:51.060 Ladies and gentlemen
00:49:55.480 I'm Jonathan Kite
00:49:56.680 And welcome to Kite Club
00:49:58.000 A podcast
00:49:58.920 Where I'll be sharing thoughts
00:50:00.240 On things like
00:50:00.940 Current events
00:50:01.640 Stand-up stories
00:50:02.860 And seven ways
00:50:03.960 To pleasure your partner
00:50:05.180 The answer may shock you
00:50:07.100 Sometimes I'll interview my friends
00:50:09.100 Sometimes I won't
00:50:10.440 And as always
00:50:11.960 I'll be joined by
00:50:12.780 The voices in my head
00:50:13.920 You have
00:50:14.800 Three new voice messages
00:50:16.800 A lot of people
00:50:18.240 Are talking about
00:50:19.140 Kite Club
00:50:19.800 I've been talking
00:50:20.880 About Kite Club
00:50:21.780 For so long
00:50:22.600 Longer than anybody else
00:50:24.240 So great
00:50:25.040 Hi
00:50:26.040 Sweetie
00:50:26.800 Easy deal
00:50:28.100 Anyone who doesn't
00:50:29.580 Listen to Kite Club 0.97
00:50:30.540 Is a dodgy 0.99
00:50:31.400 Bloody wanker 0.99
00:50:32.340 Jermaine 1.00
00:50:33.280 I'll take a quarter pounder
00:50:36.080 With cheese
00:50:36.580 And a McFlurry
00:50:37.600 Sorry sir
00:50:38.180 But our ice cream machine
00:50:38.980 Is broken
00:50:39.460 Oh no
00:50:41.220 I think Tom Hanks
00:50:43.320 Just butt dialed me
00:50:44.420 Anyway
00:50:44.860 First rule of Kite Club
00:50:46.240 Is 0.88
00:50:46.820 Tell everyone about Kite Club
00:50:48.540 Second rule of Kite Club
00:50:49.900 Is 0.88
00:50:50.460 Tell everyone about Kite Club
00:50:52.720 Third rule
00:50:53.480 Like and subscribe
00:50:54.580 Wherever you listen to podcasts
00:50:56.380 Or
00:50:56.860 Watch us on YouTube
00:50:57.880 Yeah
00:50:58.300 And yes
00:50:59.200 Don't worry
00:50:59.780 My Brad Pitt impression
00:51:01.020 Will get better