E447 Trevor Wallace
Episode Stats
Length
2 hours and 42 minutes
Words per Minute
222.73563
Hate Speech Sentences
175
Summary
Trevor Wallace is one of the most entertaining men on social media. He has his own podcast, Stiff Socks, which he tours, and he's one of my favorite people in the game. I love getting to spend time with him, and it's just great to know that there's such good creative energy in the building.
Transcript
00:00:00.000
We hope you're enjoying your Air Canada flight.
00:00:10.720
Fast-free Wi-Fi means I can make dinner reservations before we land.
00:00:25.260
Wi-Fi available to Airplane members on Equipped Flight.
00:00:30.000
I want to chime in about a new tour date we have in Austin.
00:00:36.340
Sunday, June 11th at 7 p.m. at the Bass Concert Hall.
00:01:16.960
Today's guest is one of the most entertaining men on social media.
00:01:29.440
And it's just great to know that there's such good creative energy in the building.
00:01:39.860
And he's one of the most creative young men in the game.
00:02:47.380
Last I saw, he's just a big investor in a bunch of business shit.
00:03:00.620
We always thought we were in a gang, but nobody would check us.
00:03:05.640
You could just say you're in a gang, and everybody,
00:03:16.520
Like if your mom picks you up from the gang, it's not really.
00:03:34.700
Yeah, and then when your mom walks away, you look back, you're like, fucking bitch.
00:03:42.620
No, I think we would sometimes spray paint obscenities and stuff on my mom's car, I remember.
00:03:55.260
Like, things that didn't even really relate to her.
00:04:01.860
I mean, I don't know what people, like, some people, I think, showed up there at night,
00:04:06.220
like, thinking it was, like, a club or whatever.
00:04:08.060
Like, sometimes you'd go out there in the middle of the night, there'd be a couple gay dudes out there.
00:04:11.500
Yeah, people are knocking on the windows and be like, where do I Venmo?
00:04:14.680
Yeah, we had a spray paint that was, like, meant for just, like, art, but it washed off.
00:04:18.180
So, you could spray paint somebody's car, and then they'd lose their mind, but then it'd rub right off.
00:04:25.540
People would put, like, a slice meat or something on somebody's car at night.
00:04:34.320
It'd be like a Honda Civic rolling around with just smallpox on it.
00:04:37.460
It'd look like somebody had done cupping on the back of it.
00:04:49.600
Oh, yeah, and somebody, if you really hated somebody, you'd put three or four slices on them.
00:04:53.480
I mean, you would charcuterie up a damn, the front of a Ford Escort.
00:05:00.000
You know, they'd fucking, you'd just have them.
00:05:01.600
But then the birds would pull up and be like, oh, shit, we got a charcuterie board right here.
00:05:05.220
Yeah, I mean, there was one that would, like, turn somebody's grass a different color.
00:05:10.080
Or do you ever do forking where you put plastic forks in somebody's lawn and you just snap the handle?
00:05:14.200
That was the most fucked up because it would just break a lawnmower.
00:05:17.220
You break it, and then at the top, you break the handle, so you can't really get them out.
00:05:29.780
Did y'all have a name or anything for the gang or not?
00:05:40.160
You, like, when I found out the F word, the first time I said it to my dad, I called him a fuckhead.
00:05:45.600
I didn't know, I knew the power of fuck, but I didn't know how to use it.
00:05:49.140
So my dad said something, and I was walking away from the table on my way out.
00:06:25.940
But I just tried to make a connection so he wouldn't hurt me.
00:06:33.820
If I made a connection, maybe it wouldn't hit me as hard.
00:06:45.100
Yeah, I remember one time my mom broke a paddle over my ass, and I started laughing.
00:06:55.680
But like, they would do that, and then they would be like, I'm only doing this because I love you.
00:07:02.880
Don't throw in some soliloquies as a haiku poem.
00:07:06.880
I guess, I think, the thing about running to the room, that is such the-
00:07:11.680
Because as a parent, you have to be like, how dumb is this kid?
00:07:28.940
I had to jerk off just with the safety off every night.
00:07:41.780
Most people do this to hide smoke from weed, but I wasn't cool.
00:07:44.680
So I'd put the towel under the door cracks so the light wouldn't shine through because
00:07:51.980
In case you just did it so well, you just started nativing out and having real smoke
00:07:59.540
Dude, I remember when a, have you ever laid on your back and put your legs in the air while
00:08:18.880
When would you ever need to be in that position?
00:08:21.020
You're laying on your back and your feet are in the air?
00:08:25.140
Yeah, I just remember seeing this very alarming like drawing or something on a website.
00:08:32.780
It could have been on a website or even like the side of like a dumpster, which was like
00:08:37.740
Like before they had websites, people would like write message for help on a dumpster,
00:08:51.020
Can you pick what position you get a colonoscopy in?
00:08:56.300
I mean, you know, and I've long thought that a lot of misbehaving children or kids that
00:09:10.920
Probably just jerk off into your hand and give it to her.
00:09:18.420
That's like an old school Valentine's where people walk thousands of miles to get it there.
00:09:27.100
If you were to have a kid, what position would you want it to be, what's it called when you
00:09:35.620
Well, that, oh, that was, that was what I thought.
00:09:37.160
I thought years ago, and I've long thought that children conceived in doggy style positions
00:09:51.220
I think if you throw, yeah, I mean the kind of kid where why their parents are making love,
00:09:54.980
you fucking, if a frisbee goes past and the semen in there just kind of runs to one
00:10:03.200
You think, what do you think the type of kid would be if the girl's on top and then
00:10:08.500
You think the kid, you know, it's like tall, maybe a little like class clown.
00:10:15.480
It feels like they know something that we don't.
00:10:17.640
Well, it feels like they're working for somebody.
00:10:20.320
It feels like somebody who's trying really hard to blend in to be a human.
00:10:23.740
And like, if you asked him what his name was, he would know it.
00:10:39.220
Like they start, like the, it starts glitching after hours.
00:10:44.460
Like he's probably trying to read a bowl of alphabet soup.
00:10:53.880
And then he's like, starts, like, if you don't get the update, the guy gets gay or something.
00:11:07.120
But then if your son, like your good postured son is now a gay son.
00:11:12.140
Everybody's like, oh, you can't afford to make your son straight.
00:11:15.220
I think it'd be more expensive to make your son gay.
00:11:30.020
Also, I just, I think you need a couple of gay dudes in your corner because they're just
00:11:35.500
Like, just like every dude at Barstool, like, you could ask them a question.
00:11:40.480
But you can be like, oh, is this a good outfit?
00:11:42.680
But like a gay dude will be like, good outfit for what?
00:12:03.440
Would you pack anything or were you just raw dog life?
00:12:05.460
I remember the second I was born, I remember being across the room.
00:12:16.080
I think I remember tying the cord to, like, the nurse's foot just to, like, keep people
00:12:24.740
I wonder how many babies think that's their dong.
00:12:29.640
And the doctor's like, oh, no, we got to cut that one.
00:12:35.960
I do remember, I remember trying to run away, man.
00:12:38.180
I remember going to the post office because I thought somebody could mail me somewhere.
00:12:44.140
No, I think when I was, like, probably 10 or something like that.
00:12:49.660
And I remember thinking that somebody could mail me somewhere.
00:12:55.500
I just remember finally getting to the post office.
00:12:57.200
It wasn't that far, but it was, like, maybe about five miles.
00:12:58.980
And I got there, and I was, like, the first person that I saw that looked nice or, like,
00:13:12.420
My dad had a friend who robbed a bank on a bike when he was 14.
00:13:18.900
That's the same mentality of running to your room when your parents about to hit you.
00:13:30.860
I don't know how they caught him, but, yeah, dude, as a 14-year-old on a bike, like, you're
00:13:46.100
And they did a drive-by shooting on a bike in our town.
00:13:51.640
One of them named Bear Bear, and I don't know what the other one's name was.
00:13:53.720
Was it a tandem bicycle, or they were just riding next to each other?
00:14:01.780
But they were brothers, and one of them was on the handlebars.
00:14:13.280
And you're kind of already balancing yourself up there.
00:14:17.600
I always see that in the South, where dudes will just on a dirt bike, or, like, Atlanta
00:14:21.180
They just do wheelies on, just, like, on a dirt bike through town.
00:14:27.180
Well, that's the new, like, the cavalry's coming when you see a
00:14:33.620
There must be something about those bike riding, because that is the most
00:14:39.600
People, all ethnicities come together to do those things.
00:14:47.780
It was just a red light, and somebody pulls up, and it's just...
00:15:02.920
I talked with Gary about it online, but it started...
00:15:09.740
It made me kind of wonder what's going on, what am I getting involved in?
00:15:16.140
Whatever you're thinking about, what are you thinking about?
00:15:19.780
Yeah, like people bothering people about money.
00:15:22.900
Yeah, it was a lot of bright colors and people who may have not seen a tit in a while.
00:15:28.960
I mean, look, Gary's a very nice guy, and he fires these people the fuck up.
00:15:33.420
The funniest thing he said, we watched his speech on the last night, and we walked in
00:15:36.840
at a random part, and I walked in on him going, fuck your grandparents.
00:15:41.100
And I'm like, that's the energy I need in life.
00:15:42.940
I'm like, they are past RIP, love you both, but fuck them, you know?
00:15:49.320
Yeah, he and I, I mean, I totally respect kind of like...
00:15:56.600
I think, but he also like, but he tells people crazy shit.
00:16:00.120
He'll be like, you know, oh, you got to, like, there's videos of him, like, meeting
00:16:05.520
a guy in a park, and the guy's like, I sold all of our silverware, I sold my baby highchairs,
00:16:16.320
And Gary's like, he, like, hugs him, he's like, that's great.
00:16:18.520
The guy's like, yeah, we're not staying, we're living in this park, we're cutting down all
00:16:23.100
And then it pans out, and him and his family are living in a fucking park, right?
00:16:28.380
And Gary kicks it over, and he goes, that's from me to you.
00:16:31.100
You got to start from the bottom to be at the top.
00:16:35.240
He talks like, just like a crazy person in front of a 7-Eleven, but he's so convincing at it.
00:16:41.300
Like, if you walk past a guy at 7-Eleven and be like, fuck your grandparents, you'd be
00:16:46.840
But then you get one of those tiny headsets, like the little, like, TED Talk ones, and I'm
00:16:52.940
He makes a lot of good points, but it's just good stuff.
00:16:56.380
Well, I think it's you all, there's always people that are giving, like, guidance and inspiring
00:17:01.880
Inspiring is nice, because I think it's hard to get inspired.
00:17:05.160
So, if Gary Vee inspires you, or whoever you find that inspires you, you know, that's
00:17:13.820
He could say anything, and you put, like, enough of an emphasis or, like, an exclamation
00:17:19.720
Yeah, the guy's like, are you still using silverware?
00:17:25.760
You could easily sell those silverware and be up $25, $28.
00:17:30.840
Yeah, you have to put food in your mouth with your hand.
00:17:32.920
Yeah, you ever see the videos of him going to garage sales?
00:17:37.900
Dude, he, I mean, he's almost, he has, like, $150 million to his name, but he'll go to a
00:17:40.940
garage sale and be like, how much for this ficus tree?
00:17:46.340
And they're like, oh, well, I mean, okay, we really need it.
00:17:50.140
We just need a liver transplant by Tuesday, right?
00:17:52.960
And then he'll walk away, and I'm like, fucking got him.
00:17:57.720
That was, I made a video about this, because that's why we got connected.
00:18:01.400
Yeah, I made a video kind of just talking shit, how he, like, literally just lowballs
00:18:09.680
Like, he'll walk up, and they'll be like, $100 for this.
00:18:11.160
And then I'll be like, let me play hard to get.
00:18:12.400
Goes to his car, rips some K, walks back, and he's like, we'll do $68.
00:18:16.940
Gary, please, our son is, our son has one tooth.
00:18:20.560
He's been eating applesauce out of a tooth for eight years.
00:18:33.320
So that's the only thing, like, I'm not knocking it, but it's like, has it always just been easy?
00:18:46.640
I forget the backstory, but I think there was something where, like, he, like, started the
00:18:51.080
I don't really know what happened, but, yeah, I don't know, dude.
00:18:55.820
And it's like, you want to laugh, but then you leave there a little fired up.
00:19:05.180
I've been to regular, I'm Jewish, but I went to, like, regular church a few times.
00:19:09.060
And I was like, but after going to a black church and then going to that, I was like,
00:19:19.180
And somebody will splash fucking hot grease on your back.
00:19:23.620
And, like, you don't know if somebody just, like, ripped open, like, a lunch plate real
00:19:32.580
She'll be watering a plant in her hair during the fucking sermon, dude.
00:19:42.760
Dude, at one point, like, I wanted to give more.
00:19:45.500
I already donated, but I was like, send that bitch back.
00:19:50.460
I don't know, but this shit, it was, like, three hours, and, I mean, man, it had an arc.
00:19:58.680
Then it's the grand finale, and I just want to throw my wall in the damn air and be like,
00:20:02.260
I'm converted, and then just throw it up there.
00:20:07.420
I'll throw my fucking dick in the air and catch it in my mouth, dude.
00:20:19.920
The first funeral I ever went to, man, was a black guy.
00:20:34.940
It was like as if you saw like a nine-year-old child, but he was like, I mean, he's probably
00:20:45.120
No, he looked like a nine-year-old, but he was probably, I guess we were in 11 or 12.
00:21:03.720
I mean, he definitely, he could fucking keep the sun off of you.
00:21:16.120
I mean, you see a bird come fucking, he knew it.
00:21:27.720
11 and 12-year-olds, and he had a heart attack and died.
00:21:36.880
I think he had, his heart, they said he had an enlarged heart.
00:21:42.620
Just the heart of a grown man and a young boy's body.
00:21:45.960
I wish I had a grown man's penis when I was 12.
00:22:01.960
Just, damn, ball and penis, or just ball, or just penis?
00:22:07.980
When did you look down one day, and you're like, oh, I'm packing more than the average?
00:22:11.300
Oh, I remember seeing some other kids, like, wieners and not even noticing, and then my
00:22:16.540
wiener, I felt like, looked like Florida, and I was like, oh, damn, dude, my wiener,
00:22:21.580
like, people are going to show up on my wiener, like, in the summer, you know?
00:22:26.180
You're like, is that Alabama in there, too, dog?
00:22:29.000
And I just remember, like, just being so uncomfortable, yeah, because, and I remember sleeping at night
00:22:37.820
Do you have to, like, tuck it in and shit, too?
00:22:40.900
Yeah, because you weren't just, you were just abnormal.
00:22:43.200
No kid, no five-year-old's like, yeah, who's got a big dick, you know?
00:22:47.600
And if they ask that, they're definitely not five.
00:22:50.220
It's a 48-year-old man on the internet, who's a big dick?
00:22:55.820
So did you grow into it, or are you just steady packing?
00:23:06.060
I've lost two friends, actually, to basketball, playing hard with an enlarged heart.
00:23:13.420
Well, it says it's usually caused by another condition.
00:23:17.200
But it can be caused by damage to the heart muscle or any condition that makes the heart
00:23:34.500
Isn't that crazy when something runs in the family?
00:23:36.680
You just have to take that with a grain of salt.
00:24:00.200
Sometimes when I drink too much, I feel like I have it.
00:24:02.880
I'm like, I don't know where my liver is, but I feel it beating extra today.
00:24:07.280
If your liver is beating, then yeah, you probably need to take it in.
00:24:11.500
Sometimes I just get pain in the middle of my chest.
00:24:13.920
And then I remember a girl I was dating at the time.
00:24:34.200
Is your body just good to go or you just got pain?
00:24:37.260
I think these days I fucking want to vape or...
00:24:46.840
I think just you want something to kind of get you going.
00:24:48.860
One of the first porns I ever saw was a girl smoking a cigar out of her pussy.
00:25:13.700
Because I feel like there was always some kid who like...
00:25:17.240
But then like his older brother would be like, yeah, but you want to see that pussy smoke
00:25:32.580
He's like, oh, you want to see this uvula eat a half a bag of Skittles?
00:25:38.960
But like I feel like one dude always had the porn, but like somebody close to him had
00:25:59.020
Oh, you know, whenever you buy weed, they're like, oh, this is the best in town.
00:26:01.860
Somebody would always be like, yo, this is the best porn you can find on some
00:26:05.920
You could go to whitehouse.com and it was porn.
00:26:09.040
Because the whitehouse was like .gov is like the official one.
00:26:17.740
I was like the oldest trick in the book in like 2001.
00:26:19.960
Dude, but that was so cool because my parents just thought I was doing homework every night.
00:26:23.420
They're like, oh, this motherfucker just loves George Bush.
00:26:28.600
Because you could just go to whitehouse.com and your parents wouldn't associate the two.
00:26:32.540
See, when I was a child, they didn't have internet.
00:26:39.260
So you had to fucking get somebody who knew something about some cooter.
00:26:43.460
You had to fucking have somebody tell you or somebody...
00:26:47.480
Or like you'd lay in the dark at night and one guy, his job was to kind of try and make
00:26:50.960
the sounds of like a vagina so that other people could enjoy it, you know?
00:26:59.180
Or like one of your boys buries you at the beach and then he puts sand tits on you.
00:27:03.920
Then he put the two seashells over it so it's like scantily clad.
00:27:08.760
Like some of the sand just starts to like elevate above your wiener.
00:27:15.660
But if you can move earth with your wiener like that, boy, that's positive.
00:27:18.660
My God, I bet some dad would look over and be like, that's my boy up there.
00:27:25.400
Like when there's earthquakes, is that the Lord's fucking bricked?
00:27:34.060
I feel like my early on porn days was like Girls Gone Wild.
00:27:36.740
Like, do you remember those commercials where the girls would have the stars over their nipples?
00:27:43.540
It was like, we just needed to know what was behind that star.
00:27:46.760
Like, we knew what a tit looked like, but I'm like, I need to know what those look like.
00:27:50.040
And whatever happened to that guy who created that site, Joe, what's his name?
00:27:59.880
Yeah, Tucson, which is basically just outdoor jail.
00:28:16.740
I went to Santa Rita High School, man, for one semester.
00:28:19.620
And people would always fist fight in the car wash, dog, after school.
00:28:28.140
Yeah, so you could just punch each other in the torso a bunch, but no face.
00:28:35.000
But one time, I ducked down and body blows got hit in the face, and that was on me.
00:28:55.800
They'd be like, what are you wearing those dumbass shoes for?
00:29:03.380
Anytime somebody was like, you want to go body blows?
00:29:16.900
I went to hit a guy in the shoulder and he ducked and I hit his nose and he had a bloody nose.
00:29:20.720
And then he kept fucking me all day in science.
00:29:23.820
And then he's like, this Saturday, we're going to fight.
00:29:27.760
And I didn't show up because obviously I didn't have an older brother.
00:29:32.760
So I'm like, what the fuck am I supposed to do?
00:29:35.200
And then on Monday, he's like, yo, you didn't show up.
00:29:39.080
Let me just pencil in this ass beating real quick.
00:30:11.380
Long story short, he filed for bankruptcy, moved to Mexico and their allegations that some
00:30:23.620
I think they're estranged, according to this article, because there was a there was a big
00:30:27.440
expose on Girls Gone Wild last year, I believe.
00:30:29.900
So since then, there's been an extra heat on it.
00:30:40.360
And that was like where kind of they had like the girl.
00:30:42.580
It was almost like we're kind of bang bust started a little bit.
00:30:44.860
Wouldn't they have girls in the van or something sometimes?
00:30:47.040
And like show your tits and be like, I don't want to, but I will in a minute.
00:30:55.220
That was like because now TikTok is it's kind of that.
00:30:57.880
But without the tits, they just brought to a hot girl and be like, what's your body
00:31:05.660
You got to be coked out as hell to go to your boy and be like, you still got that.
00:31:13.860
I've ran into girls who got on this, who were on Girls Gone Wild over the years.
00:31:18.800
Like, yeah, I was on Girls Gone Wild a while back, you know?
00:31:24.500
They're like, yeah, somebody fucked this hole into my neck.
00:31:28.700
They're like, nah, somebody just did sex right into my neck.
00:31:38.760
Would you put that in there if you could just close it without anybody noticing?
00:31:50.060
I'm like, how can I get more storage on my phone but not a bigger bladder?
00:31:53.600
I need at least half a terabyte in one of my legs for this piss.
00:32:01.520
Because you got to kick out memories from like fourth grade just to learn how to parallel
00:32:11.460
You found out like National Geographic had tits in it.
00:32:14.620
When we saw them long, they had a set of long darks in one of those National Geographic
00:32:19.060
episodes because it was the first time you saw a black tit in the area.
00:32:24.640
There wasn't a lot of like, first of all, the porn, when I first saw it, it was very,
00:32:30.400
it was like people, like it was people that had the same kind of haircut, kind of having
00:32:40.560
And there was a lot of music in the background.
00:32:44.520
So there was a lot of like, ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba.
00:32:47.080
And you were so horned up, you don't even know if that music was from you or the TV.
00:32:56.080
Like they cared more about the music and the ambiance and went with it.
00:33:06.700
So you get some of that, but you had, you didn't have your phones.
00:33:11.080
So if you went outside or left the television or whatever, you were, there was no porn.
00:33:15.520
At that point, you had to see somebody that could do some art or you'd have to, you know, we've
00:33:21.420
talked about it before, but somebody had chiseled a set of tits into like a birch that had been
00:33:28.740
hit by light and just like half of a tree by us.
00:33:31.460
And so people would go out there and just cream out to that.
00:33:34.560
And would you like try to like hide the tree like you were to clear your browser history?
00:33:38.820
Like, would you try to like, like undiscover it?
00:33:42.060
Maybe somebody had like leaned a branch or something.
00:33:44.360
Just hide it from, you know, cause you don't want to like, you want to gatekeep a little
00:33:50.180
But you'd get back there and you'd, uh, you could tell other people had been back there.
00:33:54.120
There'd be a cigarette or half a can of a beanie weenie or something.
00:34:00.820
Somebody just, it was like a heart and it was just like Rick, but it'd be like Rick
00:34:15.040
I feel like when you were younger, you didn't look for porn.
00:34:18.180
Like you wouldn't be looking for, like you just open up a book and you're like, oh damn,
00:34:22.900
It blew your, I mean, you would get porn wherever you could.
00:34:26.000
Like in science, sex ed was such a, like people would dress up.
00:34:30.540
I mean, I were, you know, people would wear their Sunday best, but we're a cologne to
00:34:34.840
sexy, you know, it'd be like, you guys knew when it was.
00:34:37.940
You knew the year that it was and you were like, God, are we ready?
00:34:41.580
And I remember people outside of the fucking classroom, like slapping each other in the
00:34:45.440
You know, it's one guy putting ice on another guy's like neck and back, you know, it was
00:34:50.620
He threw his neck out when he learned tomorrow.
00:34:54.920
He was like, it was his, like you had a corner man, you know, get in there.
00:35:01.580
It was just like, all right, class, get your dicks out.
00:35:08.660
So they just sprung it on us and then we'd have to play it cool.
00:35:12.420
You know, do you remember the first time that you were attractive to a woman?
00:35:19.280
Or were you always the kid that was like, kind of got the girls some?
00:35:21.860
No, I never, I never really got a lot of women.
00:35:25.460
I do remember the first time this, like the first girl that came back with a rack after
00:35:33.460
That was like when they build a new like Tesla charger station in town.
00:35:37.940
This girl, Jamie, she showed up in sixth grade and she was racked out in like, it was a talk.
00:35:42.020
The teacher was like trying to talk about like long division.
00:35:49.480
Have you seen the square root of them fucking, those fucking lung nuggets?
00:35:55.960
How much can, how big can tits be on a, and I don't want to say on a child because we've
00:36:01.200
said this kind of stuff before and, but this is what we're looking up.
00:36:11.420
See, that's what you have to do is, is before you type, you say for a podcast and then colon and
00:36:18.680
Or just, cause I'm not, I'm not curious and I'll never look anywhere.
00:36:28.680
The guy say, yeah, the guy stopped hundreds of pedophiles, man.
00:36:31.980
There was an episode where his friend walked in.
00:36:43.700
Yeah, I, um, I don't have details on this question yet.
00:36:52.440
Uh, Texans Children's Hospital breast development questions.
00:37:05.500
First of all, it should be plural, at a young age.
00:37:08.800
But that's kind of what you had, but with a, with a wiener.
00:37:14.240
So, imagine going to bed one night and you can't lay all the way down because you suddenly
00:37:34.540
I remember in PE, everybody had like deodorant and like armpit hair.
00:37:38.100
Dude, so I had this like giant stuffed animal in my room.
00:37:42.840
And I used to cut the hair off it and put it in my armpit because I wanted armpit hair
00:37:50.520
So, it didn't match any of my ginger tones at all.
00:37:52.540
But I'd put water on my armpit and then I'd put it in there and I'd look in the mirror
00:37:55.140
and be like, dude, this is, this could be me one day.
00:38:08.580
Oh, dude, I was just putting Rogaine on every morning.
00:38:12.480
Dude, I distinctly remember, like you said, when you went to PE and somebody had deodorant
00:38:21.600
This is where I learned, like, okay, yeah, I use deodorant.
00:38:26.020
You know, when you start, you would name, like, dish soap or something.
00:38:45.000
Like, I remember the first day I had armpit sweat, I was excited.
00:38:50.440
I remember when I had, like, a little, like, blonde mustache.
00:38:56.820
I'd rather look like I sell used taquitos with this mustache.
00:39:00.340
Oh, especially on a guy like, I think red-headed guys are guys that lean Auburn or gin.
00:39:10.720
They are, you guys are almost adopted into the black community.
00:39:18.980
No, no, a lot of, like, Wiggas, as they say, which is a popular term from the past 100 or 150 years.
00:39:25.720
It, it, you guys are often, they're often gingers or gangers.
00:39:32.640
Yeah, my first job, I was the only white guy there.
00:39:34.560
When I first moved to LA, it was, like, 80 black dudes and me.
00:39:42.180
Let's pull up Wiggas and see what they've been doing, if you don't mind.
00:39:50.640
And just put, click on images and let's see who we get.
00:39:53.200
Yeah, that's, what is, and this is where the Girls Gone Wild guys should be.
00:40:09.480
San Diego does have a high breed of this type of person, I think.
00:40:15.060
What city comes to mind when you think of this?
00:40:21.420
Yeah, my friend Justin is from Arkansas, and he likes to gun down them gobblers over there,
00:40:26.500
but he said that there is a lot of Wigg-esque behavior.
00:40:31.420
So what are these charts that are also on here?
00:40:34.440
This has nothing to do with the white guy with the orange Camaro.
00:40:38.440
I guess there's a popular diagram called the Wiggers Diagram.
00:40:43.080
It's a standard diagram using cardiac physiologically named after Dr. Carl J. Wiggers.
00:40:51.640
Dude, you got to go by just Carl J at that point.
00:40:53.820
So people are going to learn about this in school?
00:41:00.060
It was a ginger dude, and it cross-sectioned with a UNC basketball jersey.
00:41:10.420
And he drove a Honda Civic, dude, which was the number one car.
00:41:13.980
But he chipped off the word Civic and put BMW logos on there.
00:41:18.880
When somebody takes the Chrysler 300 and puts a Bentley logo on it,
00:41:21.660
those people come off insane, but I respect it.
00:41:25.940
Because that's all the car is sometimes is just an extra emblem, you know?
00:41:31.600
My first car was a 1984 Ford Escort, and I paid cash for it.
00:41:39.460
They just didn't want you in that carpool lane or what?
00:41:44.080
I just remember picking people up, and they had to get in, and there was no order for me to sit.
00:41:49.760
You were the bus driver up front, and the people had to walk past you.
00:42:02.760
Yeah, whenever you hit Purbity, man, that shit was wild.
00:42:06.880
It feels like you ever put a Mentos in a Diet Pepsi or Diet Coke?
00:42:20.420
I'm trying to think if I remember getting body hair.
00:42:22.420
Maybe a little on my chest, like in the crack of my chest.
00:42:31.020
You can't wait to go to the pool and take your shirt off.
00:42:36.740
A lot of the brothers would put a little barrette on it.
00:42:44.360
You know, just something chill, something to flex a little.
00:42:47.360
I grew up in kind of like a white and urban area, so you'd have.
00:42:50.480
Dude, I remember they had a handicapped dude, a black dude,
00:42:53.700
and his legs didn't work, and they had braided his fucking legs around each other.
00:43:10.760
Because then it looks like the Lord's carrying me, you know?
00:43:16.480
But if your legs had it, wouldn't you be like, oh, he's not walking because he can float?
00:43:22.140
I saw a car with underglow recently driving from the IE, the Inland Empire, and it brought me back.
00:43:29.440
I think they should have pimped my wheelchair, and that's just me trying to help out.
00:43:34.800
Yeah, well, you'll see sometimes there's a lot of dudes who are in wheelchairs.
00:43:37.960
They'll do that dolphin where they kind of pull up and just let the wheels spin.
00:43:43.120
But if I spent my life in a wheelchair, I'd get bored after a while.
00:43:50.420
Sometimes I'll pretend like this, even if I'm at a dinner or something, or I've been at a table for a while, and people don't, you know, I'll kind of do this, you know?
00:44:03.160
Yeah, just to let people know that you could be if you needed to.
00:44:06.540
But, yeah, I think I'm trying to remember to what that was like.
00:44:08.800
Like, it's crazy that, like, puberty happens to your body, and you don't even, you're not, like, documenting every day.
00:44:18.140
Yeah, it feels like you're just waiting in line, and eventually it's like the Lord being like, you better get some pubes.
00:44:24.480
It's not like you walk up to the front door and they stamp your puberty card.
00:44:27.780
It's like a slow little bit of this, a little bit of that.
00:44:30.180
But the voice cracks, if, when your voice cracked in class, I mean, that was one of the worst days of my life.
00:44:37.340
Yeah, when I was at 17, you're getting your ass beat at noon, for sure.
00:44:43.940
Yeah, that man would start to fucking break out of you.
00:44:46.140
It's almost like the Incredible Hulk when he breaks through his own clothing.
00:44:49.120
It's like when snakes shed a little bit, but it's just, the manliness is coming out.
00:44:53.440
Yeah, you'd be like, can we go get some, I'm trying to fuck, you know?
00:45:00.200
And then you're trying to do that voice again, but you can't do it.
00:45:04.780
You're trying to get back, you could never do it.
00:45:06.960
Dude, remember coming to school and one kid had like, just gone way past puberty, like he was like seven.
00:45:12.480
Dude, he had like arthritis, I'm like, you missed like 19 stages.
00:45:17.120
Yeah, he had a beard, and that kid always had to buy a beard then.
00:45:19.240
Dude, there was a guy, his name was Chuck, and he had a full facial hair in ninth grade, and he was dating an eighth grader.
00:45:25.620
And he, this is a hilarious story, and if you're from my hometown, you know the story.
00:45:29.680
He was dating this chick, and they did anal, and she had to miss school the next day.
00:45:42.140
Dude, this guy was like Dan Bilzerian of ninth grade.
00:45:44.380
Dude, I was looking at him like, tell me your secrets.
00:45:55.740
But the girl literally had to miss school the next day because she couldn't walk.
00:46:05.780
That, like, that guy was so many levels ahead of puberty than I was.
00:46:11.560
Oh, when you heard about the first guy that had sex, kind of like.
00:46:14.940
Like, I remember we came back from seventh grade and some kid had had sex, apparently,
00:46:26.440
People were, like, trying to, like, install a pool at the school.
00:46:35.860
It's like you want to get as close to you can as you can to sex, you know.
00:46:39.660
What was, like, the first person that went to the moon, everybody was just, like, tell
00:47:01.040
When I looked at him, it didn't seem like he'd been to the moon.
00:47:09.660
He was describing it like a 12-year-old talking about tits.
00:47:26.720
If I met somebody who'd been to the Galaxia or whatever, I would know.
00:47:34.280
Well, it's like somebody, like, if I told you I've been to jail, you would look at my body
00:47:38.780
You have picked up a friend from juvie, but that is the most.
00:47:44.220
Maybe you Zoomed with, like, a PO or something.
00:47:48.840
But you haven't been, you haven't done any time.
00:47:53.260
And I'm not discrediting the space program or NASA, but that's just what I thought.
00:48:02.780
Like, he always wore the same outfit every day.
00:48:04.880
He was jacked at, like, 65, worked for NASA, and fought in war.
00:48:14.200
One time I saw him eat an orange with a peel on, like an apple.
00:48:17.780
And the thing he said after was, like, the most badass thing.
00:48:20.440
He was, like, when you're in the war, you have an option.
00:48:23.520
You can either, like, peel your orange and, you know, take your eye off what's going on,
00:48:27.640
or you can risk it in your face peeled by a caliber.
00:48:35.620
And, like, if I, like, ever disrespected my mom, he, like, my mom had, like, a bodyguard.
00:48:40.080
If I ever disrespected my mom or said something like,
00:48:44.660
He'd be, like, he'd always put something down, right?
00:48:48.040
And then be, like, don't you treat my daughter that way?
00:48:51.600
And I could just, he wouldn't hit me, but mentally he did.
00:49:20.200
You could, that's, you shouldn't be saying that anymore.
00:49:28.020
with my grandfather and he'd been in one of the wars
00:49:40.380
You know, you just, anybody that kind of fought in the war,
00:49:43.480
I try to make a joke about that on stage sometimes.
00:49:48.720
being like slightly a little, uh, prejudiced or something.
00:49:52.540
You might be like, you're just like, ah, they're in the war.
00:49:57.160
But if they didn't, like, if they didn't fight a war
00:49:58.740
and they said the same shit, you'd be like, yo,
00:50:36.680
probably a lot of younger generation has, right?
01:30:20.280
This looks like a lot of the portraits that you've seen drawn of Kobe around town.
01:30:26.080
I haven't seen really many good portraits of Kobe,
01:31:07.600
it's 70 billion people not even talking to each other.
01:31:25.460
if that's what you got to do to get those views,
01:31:30.100
I think you're going to be on the Nugboys podcast tomorrow.
01:31:52.340
I feel like she's just displaying her makeup art talent.
01:32:00.140
If a kid who really loves a black athlete can't be the,
01:32:09.240
if he has no malice in him and he's not trying to like do anything bad,
01:32:39.860
You can't really win because there's always that party.
01:32:49.100
And then there's always that part of the culture.
01:33:07.640
maybe it gets looked at a little bit differently.
01:33:20.520
maybe like run our test after he's been doing a lot of Equinox.
01:33:31.380
it just doesn't look anything like Kobe Bryant.
01:33:48.120
like a black guy that would work like in an office or something.
01:33:52.760
Do you ever see that guy whooping at a gym and he's wearing all Michael Jordan,
01:34:19.880
The California assembly last week or will only passed assembly bill 418,
01:34:39.700
allegedly that's why this is all kind of happening.
01:34:41.320
Is this our generations putting Coke and Coke back in the day?
01:34:47.900
Like was there cancer in the Skittles and they knew it or whatever?
01:35:04.760
we should get rid of that first before we do anything.
01:35:13.360
Aren't they doing like a camo can to like combat it?
01:35:28.060
but then also the craziest thing about the Bud Light thing is all they did was send that girl some beers,
01:35:37.120
like sometimes like brands will send you stuff and they'll put your name on it or try to make it personalized to you so that you'll share it or make it a social thing.
01:36:17.120
The joke is so much bigger than what it actually was.
01:36:24.460
Dylan probably made a lot of money off this and.
01:36:31.280
I believe that he's a gay male that's looking for clout,
01:36:36.340
It's just something that I believe and I could be wrong.
01:36:44.180
people thought that this was being distributed nationwide.
01:36:48.800
So it's kind of a perfect example of like misinformation.
01:36:51.320
Like people didn't take any time to like read into it further.
01:36:54.000
It's just the joke was so much bigger than the actual story that now,
01:36:56.940
like anytime you see somebody drinking a Bud Light,
01:37:04.660
You could buy somebody a Bud Light if it's getting laid and you think they're gay.
01:37:09.760
it's past the point of a controversy where now it's just like funny at Bud Light.
01:37:15.580
Like send a group of dudes on a bachelor party at a Buffalo Wild Wings,
01:37:22.100
I guess we're going to suck each other off now.
01:37:34.480
It's crazy how quickly something goes from being like real serious to funny.
01:37:38.800
it used to be that that probably would have taken two years.
01:37:43.060
the name Bud Light is a joke in the same way that the name like Kyle or like Chad or some of
01:37:49.000
these big meme names are just forever implant implant.
01:37:53.720
so now you'll never think of a Bud Light again.
01:38:03.060
we're just run our laps in our head of thoughts.
01:38:09.780
I was at a fireplace and a moth landed on the corner and then he just flew directly into
01:38:22.860
He contemplated it maybe like four seconds and then just be lined right into the flames.
01:38:31.220
I think it's a lot of people how like addiction happens.
01:38:54.720
a butterfly came and landed on her face at church.
01:39:15.580
the organ is like right there and it's just beautiful.
01:39:19.020
And this butterfly came all the way in and landed right on her cheek.
01:39:23.180
He died in a motorcycle accident and he comes and visits me.
01:39:30.440
I got to go look and see if I had those pictures.
01:39:32.900
Some pictures like this and she just got the butterfly on her cheek.
01:39:37.720
it stayed on her face for probably about 15 minutes.
01:39:41.980
That'd be cool if you and the butterfly became boys.
01:39:54.180
just a lot of stuff in my personal life and just kind of just figure,
01:39:56.820
I'm just trying to figure out like what and who I am,
01:40:27.800
somebody coming home from the war and surprising their son at a baseball field,
01:40:46.760
I watch those anytime I need to adjust my feelings.
01:40:55.960
videos I love watching for the opposite reasons is stolen.
01:41:11.580
the guy just trying to get a free Cinnabon at the airport.
01:41:19.820
they should make them have to do a week of bootcamp.
01:41:33.580
Because they're trying to get like a free meal or something.
01:41:50.800
like I would just wear a t-shirt that says like organ donor.
01:41:57.880
The craziest stolen valor is when you see somebody wearing like a,
01:42:09.680
you can tell they did their research up to a certain point,
01:42:12.680
but they're not even as healthy as Randy Travis.
01:42:45.460
And a Travis Kelsey Jersey and they're not even Travis Kelsey.
01:43:00.880
that kind of stuff to me is some real stolen valor.
01:43:09.620
I think about like not knowing like what's going,
01:43:28.580
And then I saw that moth go straight into that fire.
01:43:49.640
If you don't get an idea of what you want to do,
01:43:57.580
last night I'm messaging Zach at freaking midnight about something.
01:44:03.960
so thankful that I knew what I wanted to do at a young age.
01:44:08.780
the fact that I'm more lost in life than I am with career,
01:44:24.460
And now you're in the bathroom blowing up goddamn Trojans,
01:44:31.540
I don't think I ever have to know what's really going on.
01:44:38.000
but I noticed if you don't have an idea or get an idea at some point,
01:44:43.260
My life continues to be kind of the same cycle.
01:44:48.080
like just being late to figuring out what's going on with myself,
01:44:52.480
whereas now as I do start to look at it a little bit more,
01:45:00.060
you want to have somebody to share like a nice time with,
01:45:02.920
but then you have a family and you go to Disneyland,
01:45:12.280
And that's what I think you find out just in time.
01:45:14.240
You just find out what you like and what you don't like.
01:45:15.840
And you try to tend to what you like as much as you can.
01:45:18.600
Do you think you would ever leave your wife and children?
01:45:41.180
I used to write postcards to my kids like that.
01:45:47.920
Just to my own address and like save them for my kids from when I get older or whatever.
01:45:53.180
Did you have their names already picked out or it'd be like insert name?
01:46:10.800
But cause I think part of me always wanted probably to have children,
01:46:13.880
I could never see any way how I was going to get there from where I was,
01:46:18.860
I was with a couple recently and they've been together for five years.
01:46:22.140
They got a kid on the way and hearing them talk made me realize how far away I am from where they are in life.
01:46:31.840
like she would start talking and then he'd be like,
01:46:38.280
They're like arguing with each other and they bring it to you.
01:46:41.020
I was so disconnected to where those two were at in life of a family.
01:46:55.000
I was a little raspberry on the side hanging out.
01:47:00.880
and it's hard to battle with whatever your path has been.
01:47:06.580
like I just didn't have like a lot of affection and stuff at home.
01:47:10.780
I got a lot more like affection is from strangers,
01:47:13.740
So it's almost like you just never really know what the path for life is going to be.
01:47:19.000
you might like Robert Downey Johnson or whatever,
01:47:35.080
so he was following the footsteps of your father.
01:47:40.740
I remember my dad would tell me stories about kids in his village,
01:48:00.500
he like hops on his glasses and like polishes on like a silk t-shirt.
01:48:12.560
I would say finger pistols or a gainer flip into a hot tub.
01:48:22.660
if you come and then just do a gainer flip into a body of water,
01:48:26.360
you get knocked up and that son is addicted to vape early.
01:48:34.840
is looked at more prestigiously than somebody who's serving in the military.
01:48:46.040
You're more important than my agent and manager.
01:48:49.620
it's so crazy how one little thing that somebody can do.
01:48:56.480
one thing that's crazy is if you say I'm going to the restroom,
01:49:08.440
I'm definitely taking plan B after this person.
01:49:10.920
And then you forgot it's your apartment and they just leave for seven hours.
01:49:15.460
What do you think a girl would get the most turned on?
01:49:17.140
Like what moves do you think you could do that would like,
01:50:04.600
After we had broken up in that scent was the same scent.
01:50:15.560
They used to go to school and she put that orange bathroom cleaner,
01:50:22.480
It was just very generic orange bathroom cleaner.
01:50:53.260
I like the scent of the pink soap they got in the schools.
01:51:18.460
They did not put any fucking work into that name.
01:51:25.200
You pour that over a dead body and the body just disintegrates.
01:51:45.460
I'm kind of just trying to figure things out right now.
01:51:49.900
So I'm really just trying to focus on everything,
01:52:09.740
but somebody gets brought into your life and you're like,
01:52:13.900
do you have a process for not wasting your time and their time a little bit?
01:52:43.180
like not that I can choose what's going to happen.
01:52:52.220
like a pattern I'd like to follow to help myself.
01:52:55.420
Just like you can kind of feel it like through texting.
01:53:11.580
Like I'll take a girl to a steakhouse four minutes in.
01:53:41.660
like we're constantly being entertained by stuff.
01:54:02.180
You can also watch a man getting head in a thing.
01:54:07.760
It's crazy how much stimulation your brain is thrown at you all at once.
01:54:13.080
but then you shut it off and you come back to whatever your regular life is.
01:54:16.800
And usually I think in that time when your brain would have been kind of processing what's going on in your own life,
01:54:26.420
Your brain wants to organize things like that's,
01:54:39.600
So I think usually when we're relaxing or resting or giving our brain time to kind of process and we're not just constantly entertained,
01:54:48.880
Then we are able to have more things figured out.
01:54:52.560
Whereas I think now when we're just doing constant entertainment,
01:54:55.900
you're not getting as much figured out like in the background.
01:54:59.100
You're never giving your brain a chance to openly think.
01:55:04.500
you see all the stacks of books that were returned.
01:55:10.840
We're not giving our brain a chance to return your books.
01:55:12.700
We're just fucking opening up millions of fucking books.
01:55:18.340
You're just throwing books to the shelf and they fall right off.
01:55:24.820
Like long division has been talked to in a long time.
01:55:27.880
That boy turned into ketamine ASAP down by the Hudson.
01:55:34.960
It is because all those thoughts are in your brain,
01:55:43.040
And that's why like people fucking lose their mind,
01:55:45.640
on a plane before you can't take off and there's no like,
01:55:53.480
But that's who you are in that 11 minutes is who you really are,
01:56:00.580
When you're just sitting there at an IHOP with a dead phone and you got to
01:56:06.060
I'll take the flapjack and what the fuck happened there?
01:56:10.560
it's like I did that last night when I was sitting by the fireplace.
01:56:14.180
I didn't have my phone and I just wanted to just,
01:56:19.760
I kind of like lost my own narrative a little bit,
01:56:27.680
And I just stared into the fire and it's just like,
01:56:35.540
it's like those thoughts get brought to the surface.
01:56:39.120
I'm trying to think of one of my favorite times on mushrooms ever.
01:57:02.660
And we went to the Waffle House and it was the first time we'd seen a gay dude,
01:57:12.280
but it was the first time we'd seen a gay dude like this close to like a kitchen.
01:57:20.620
or it was like the first time we'd seen like a gay dude with like a menu,
01:57:57.500
It was the longest bridge in the world for a while.
01:58:05.220
they called on that bridge drunk drive and they would drop off at this
01:58:22.900
but this alleged gay dude is just fucking high.
02:00:03.340
Neanderthal man survived from about 200,000 BC to about 30,000.
02:00:09.640
Did they do it because they were cold or they were just too horny?
02:00:18.980
dramatically creating a series of ice ages throughout the northern areas.
02:00:33.260
The first clothes were made from natural elements,
02:00:44.140
simple needles made out of animal bone provided evidence of sewn leather and fur garments from at least 30,000 years ago.
02:00:52.900
I'm trying to think if you could stunt back then,
02:01:14.220
And I'd come back with the water and the clothes.
02:01:33.140
I think if you roll in around dinner with a special deal,
02:01:47.160
there was no way to let people know you were happy,
02:02:05.140
You're in there by fire and somebody brings an apple
02:02:07.340
and you've never fucking seen one and you take a bite of it.
02:02:23.440
Do you DM a lot of like girls that you think are attractive or you?
02:02:30.680
I'm cause I'm so scared of rejection that like,
02:02:35.860
like a hot chick that I thought was like pretty cute or something.
02:02:38.420
And it fucks with my ego because if I hit them up and they don't respond,
02:02:45.820
She maybe is dating somebody or she's not into super sexy buff guys like me.
02:02:55.100
I sent Bruce Willis's daughter and his daughter's a DM one time and she didn't write me back.
02:03:00.840
did that do anything for your ego or were you just like,
02:03:06.100
I just thought she was really neat and had just,
02:03:54.140
And you don't know why they didn't respond or whatever.
02:04:10.940
And it's kind of for like a date or get to know somebody.
02:04:19.280
Are they people you kind of meet out and about or are these,
02:04:36.500
David Spade and I are trying to get that movie done and not to name drop,
02:04:49.640
So that's probably going to be the rest of this year and next year.
02:05:06.700
Do you ever do a chocolate Sundays at the life factory?
02:05:11.920
but it's like two and a half years before they're like,
02:05:20.940
I signed up for it and thank God it took so long.
02:05:23.360
Cause I was trashed then probably slightly less trash when I did it,
02:05:26.980
but like ended up doing well and you got passed and
02:05:52.440
It's just going to keep going no matter who's on it or who's off of it.
02:05:59.220
because we know so much about it based on what we know from the past,
02:06:03.960
or we assume that's the thing about the future.
02:06:09.300
it's this fucking grandiose play of assumption.
02:06:13.740
So we've assumed exactly what it's going to have based on everything that's
02:06:19.120
I think that's the dope ass thing that the future can do,
02:06:54.880
but it's the post nut regret is insane because you,
02:06:59.180
you have to clean it out and you're like in a sink.
02:07:01.520
There's dishes you haven't washed in three weeks and you're just in there scrubbing away.
02:07:06.140
You catch a glimpse of yourself and like an old fucking shiny cup looking at you.
02:07:14.580
you can probably put it outside and like water it down.
02:07:16.620
There has to be a place to mail it or something.
02:07:24.400
If anybody knows an inmate or has a familial inmate,
02:07:51.060
I would just be so curious to even talk to somebody who's ever murdered somebody.
02:08:05.180
Have you ever talked to somebody who's killed somebody?
02:08:36.260
now you have to know him and know what other stuff I think he thinks is awesome.
02:08:40.360
You have to have your own idea of what is awesome.
02:08:52.580
so I think there's a lot of elements that can go into that,
02:09:15.820
a German surgeon was fired because he had a janitor help with an amputation.
02:09:31.120
A manager snuck into somebody's room and sucked their foot.
02:09:42.400
Does that resonate living there for a couple of years now?
02:09:50.640
that's somebody who's had a toe or two in his taste buds.
02:10:02.200
on March 30th to find a night manager indulging his apparent foot fetish.
02:10:08.880
Brennan reportedly screamed when he found Neil sucking on his toes and immediately recognized him as one of the two hotel staff members who had been in his room the previous day to help him with his TV.
02:10:42.940
Let me kind of sound like dabbling right there.
02:10:54.360
Do you go to jail for that or you just horny camp?
02:11:00.520
It's not like you're camping and you have to kind of keep one eye open.
02:11:05.460
you feel like you're safe and you're protected.
02:11:16.260
found that Neil had a lengthy rap sheet that included voluntary manslaughter conviction
02:11:19.980
for shooting his roommate during a fight in 96.
02:11:31.460
sleeping in a hotel in Nashville and someone was sucking on your toes?
02:11:43.760
that's somebody who wasn't breastfed as a child and he just needed some suck.
02:11:47.360
I think you got to let them go for a little bit.
02:11:53.700
What is your toenail going to grow a little bit?
02:12:03.040
Cause you're already going to assume you're already going to make bank.
02:12:04.880
You might as well dabble and see if you're into the,
02:12:09.720
Trying to think of anything like that's ever happened around us.
02:12:13.300
I walked into a room one night and there was a big guy sitting on the bed already picking his feet.
02:12:38.880
you're picking your toes when I'm here to fix your TV.
02:12:45.440
Everybody's idea of what is flirtation is different.
02:13:01.440
if you're a gay guy who likes sucking on people's feet and a guy calls you to his room,
02:13:09.300
this dude wants me to launch all over his back.
02:13:20.920
He might've taken some melatonin the night before,
02:13:29.460
Especially if you want the signs to be a certain thing.
02:13:34.420
that's what like fucked me up with like rejection and dating.
02:13:38.660
I just like kind of see if they like come to me cause I'm scared.
02:13:40.740
Cause I remember I went to a movie and I saw Jackass 2.5 in high school with this girl.
02:14:33.680
my mother rejected me so much that that kind of stuff really hangs over onto a lot of relationships.
02:14:44.560
Some kids locked me in this one girl into a closet and they kept saying like,
02:14:52.000
That's like the straightest thing you could do.
02:15:00.380
you queers better make out or we're going to beat the fuck out of you.
02:15:06.360
And we both lived in like the same neighborhood.
02:15:16.000
you didn't like scramble for a beanie or something to cover up her hair.
02:15:19.480
I just didn't know if we were like trans by hair or whatever.
02:15:24.500
what if you made out and just turn into one person?
02:15:30.900
And just the fear of having to make out while people are banging on the door,
02:15:50.100
my buddy would always be the one who was inviting the girl to the dance.
02:15:52.820
And he always had to go with like the friend of the,
02:15:58.360
It'd be like my friend was talking to a hot girl.
02:16:00.180
And then it's like the two plus ones at a wedding that hit it off.
02:16:02.820
It's like the guy and the girl both know the people getting married.
02:16:05.200
And then there's just two random people that are like,
02:16:41.320
I don't know if they realize like how much is a man it is.
02:16:44.740
It's hard for us to fucking get up there and put the balls out there.
02:16:48.600
That's why like I command anybody that does it,
02:16:51.180
whether you take an L or not do it the other day.
02:16:55.360
And thanks to everybody that came out in New York.
02:17:21.060
I was always the friend of a friend on the dating thing.
02:17:37.220
you don't end up getting sometimes options of who you want.
02:17:44.760
Because sometimes it may be a better path for who wants you might be,
02:17:59.040
I kind of like if I kind of like that a little bit.
02:18:04.040
Cause then they are at least under the maybe assumption of like,
02:18:31.680
There's people who are like valet attendants for like the Beverly Wilshire who are on
02:18:45.540
I think being off the apps is probably helpful.
02:18:49.160
but it's kind of nice that I can't get on in a way.
02:18:51.400
I just see like how people's body movements are when on an app.
02:18:57.640
And they're just like looking so much for like a stimulation.
02:19:00.940
I'd rather something either happen in real life where somebody kind of come to me.
02:19:18.300
And then you tell somebody who's disconnected in this world.
02:19:27.660
just imagine explaining your tour schedule to somebody who just found out you did stand
02:19:39.680
they know what they're signing up for maybe in a sense.
02:19:41.200
And I don't want to sound pretentious or anything,
02:19:42.640
but it does feel like somebody might have done the research a little bit.
02:19:47.720
versus if you're just on a date and it's just generic,
02:19:51.840
you might almost have to get on a blind date to have somebody,
02:19:54.760
because these days you can look somebody up and see some,
02:19:57.680
even though sometimes it's better not to do it.
02:20:30.460
I like to look up the guys you want dates with.
02:20:40.160
Having that wiener when you're young and having that fucking peace on you is really,
02:20:47.820
it becomes your only fucking way to make yourself feel good.
02:20:52.340
I remember just feeling so horrible about myself that the only way I could make myself,
02:21:06.080
I was going to run out how much I had in me too.
02:21:13.820
And then you hit 78 one day and all of a sudden,
02:21:25.620
Is there an age you think you'll be done being horny?
02:21:36.900
Somebody asked me recently if my dad still fucks.
02:21:44.720
Were you playing the back nine or were you playing the back?
02:21:57.240
and I went with them and the dad and I did a Mardi Gras parade and he told me that he
02:22:02.100
got a little recently and it fucking blew my mind.
02:22:31.660
That was like watching porn back in the day where like the photo would load,
02:23:09.760
And then made a Tik TOK about how you can be allergic to running.
02:23:17.600
That's not like something I would have said in like eighth grade PE.
02:23:24.400
And this is what happened last time when her throat started closing.
02:23:36.020
We didn't let anybody else know because knowing America,
02:23:39.760
I think this confirmed our doubts that she's allergic to running.
02:23:52.920
I think that is the environment that we're headed into as a species.
02:23:56.260
I do think that's something that you could challenge a PE teacher with.
02:24:14.620
Nobody wants to follow what the kind of basic guidelines are for everything.
02:24:38.500
And now we've gotten in a place where you question everything,
02:24:45.940
And now nobody wants to do any jobs anymore because they're not,
02:24:55.060
but then you pull a phone out and they're like,
02:24:59.860
It's like those videos where people are like acting crazy.
02:25:18.760
But you either double down or you back up and you're like,
02:25:42.260
do you guys have any vegan options for breakfast?
02:25:51.160
You can feel that fucking a little bit of Hulk Hogan.
02:26:13.380
This is the most electric thing I've ever seen.
02:26:15.160
He pulls out his iPad and he puts on stairway to heaven by Led Zeppelin on full blast.
02:26:32.160
And then essentially like they gave him a couple of warnings.
02:26:36.160
this like Samoan chick and cop outfit comes in,
02:26:39.260
grabs him by the shoulder and his attitude shifts like crazy.
02:26:44.640
And then he turns the music off and they kick him off.
02:26:58.780
This is like the end of a fucking guilt porn scene.
02:27:01.300
But the guy got escorted and the wife didn't say shit the whole time.
02:27:18.680
it was one of those moments where everyone else on the plane started looking at him like,
02:27:43.020
Cause that's where somebody died at and good meal to diet.
02:28:11.840
some people know how to help people that are dying.
02:28:22.460
So other people go over there and they put up like this partition around the
02:28:30.140
They take the buffet stands and put it in front.
02:28:36.820
So you can kind of see the guy and they finally get him back up.
02:28:59.660
Do you need a box or do you need to be in a box?
02:29:19.980
The last thing you see is like a couple of pineapples and magic Johnson.
02:29:36.720
somebody got their arm chopped off in a 7-Eleven with a machete.
02:30:34.580
but social media is what kind of like put me in front of people.
02:30:37.380
And then I used the people who are watching me from digital to be like,
02:30:44.380
the first headlining show I did was in San Diego in like 2017 and like 112
02:30:51.140
And then I quit my job and I slowly did one nighters.
02:30:53.460
And then I just kind of started building with videos and just,
02:30:56.140
and then by throwing myself in the deep end to headline,
02:31:03.420
You know how bad you got to be at that time to be like,
02:31:11.320
So I just kind of threw myself in the deep end just because I was like,
02:31:19.920
pay my rent by doing standup and a little bit of videos and I can just
02:31:39.520
we added a Friday and I think that's almost sold out,
02:32:07.920
I'm gonna spend some time over there and try to just see what I like about the city.
02:32:18.800
We filmed the Gary V con with Gary V did a video there.
02:32:26.260
They tried to break the record for most people named Kyle in one location ever.
02:32:31.400
And I made that video a couple of years ago about like guys named Kyle.
02:32:34.920
I was like this like fucking just kid who just loved punching drywall,
02:32:39.480
Just like just was a kid who definitely was neglected by his parents and huffed Axe body
02:32:45.400
so they were doing a Kyle meetup and I was like,
02:32:48.980
how funny it would be if I went to this meetup dressed up as my Kyle character.
02:33:01.600
but there was also 1,700 people named Kyle registered and you needed 2,300 to break the record.
02:33:13.760
we could have fucking January 6th all over again,
02:33:15.840
We could have taken over a fucking vape shop easy.
02:33:32.040
But there was a drywall booth where you pay $5 to punch some drywall.
02:33:36.560
It was like half families and just have dudes named Kyle with nothing better to do.
02:33:40.820
Is it crazy to see that many people name one with one name in the same place?
02:33:44.860
It is because they all look like they were Kyles.
02:34:18.020
So I made this video like three or four years ago about guys named Kyle.
02:34:46.100
They let me on stage and I got to yell a bunch of shit.
02:34:56.260
So that video will be coming out later this week.
02:34:57.920
But were you ever approached by like bar stool or anything to work with them?
02:35:13.120
I don't know why they don't have an LA office also.
02:35:37.640
They got all types of characters that start to come out of there.
02:35:42.560
I'd love to have sometimes more like characters to be involved,
02:35:48.500
Sometimes it's hard to like facilitate all that though.
02:35:53.020
they just launched careers based on the employees they work with.
02:35:56.400
It's really smart because people attach to the personalities instead of the brand.
02:36:06.220
It's so much easier to get attracted to a personality than it is a brand.
02:36:15.620
I don't know if I can even think about anything else.
02:36:17.720
Did I ever tell you a story when I first met you,
02:36:41.780
And then you were eating just raw tuna with your shirt off.
02:37:00.000
When you think that anybody could fucking just pop one out into somebody else and fucking get a kid out of them.
02:37:05.540
But that's all that was going through your mind.
02:37:14.460
Thanks for even checking in while I was eating,
02:37:25.460
I think your flight got in like 30 minutes before the show.
02:37:42.160
I saw one guy just throw a chair at another chair.
02:37:44.780
what are you trying to fucking make less chairs?
02:37:58.040
I ended up doing one over the summer that was outside.
02:38:09.220
we essentially like open loosely open for Tom Segura,
02:38:12.260
but it was supposed to be Pete Davidson and it canceled.
02:38:43.180
when you watch people vape and it just dissipates in the air.
02:38:55.680
It's just weird watching somebody eat funnel cake while you follow your dreams.
02:39:58.660
there's a lady like burping a baby in the front row.
02:40:15.240
and fucking watch something fucking breastfeed,