This Past Weekend with Theo Von - E447 Trevor Wallace

00:00:00.000 We hope you're enjoying your Air Canada flight.

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00:00:10.720 Fast-free Wi-Fi means I can make dinner reservations before we land.

00:00:14.760 And with live TV, I'm not missing the game.

00:00:17.800 It's kind of like, I'm already on vacation.

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00:00:22.240 On behalf of Air Canada, nice travels.

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00:00:28.720 CRCanada.com.

00:00:30.000 I want to chime in about a new tour date we have in Austin.

00:00:33.460 We have added another show there.

00:00:36.340 Sunday, June 11th at 7 p.m. at the Bass Concert Hall.

00:00:43.080 And we will be there.

00:00:44.580 I'll also be in Edmonton, Alberta, July 14th.

00:00:47.780 Guilford, New Hampshire.

00:00:50.440 Guilford, July 20th.

00:00:53.320 Windsor, Ontario.

00:00:55.140 August 18th.

00:00:56.560 Niagara Falls.

00:00:58.640 I don't want to say that.

00:01:01.920 I don't want to upset any people.

00:01:05.600 August 20th.

00:01:06.980 And Toronto, Ontario.

00:01:09.280 Toronto, sorry.

00:01:10.700 August 27th.

00:01:12.040 Get all your tickets at Theovan.com.

00:01:14.220 Slash T-O-U-R. 1.00

00:01:16.960 Today's guest is one of the most entertaining men on social media.

00:01:22.480 He's been here before.

00:01:24.660 I love getting to spend time with him.

00:01:26.600 He has his studio right upstairs from ours.

00:01:29.440 And it's just great to know that there's such good creative energy in the building.

00:01:34.580 He has his Stiff Socks podcast.

00:01:38.340 He tours.

00:01:39.860 And he's one of the most creative young men in the game.

00:01:43.960 Today's guest is Mr. Trevor Wallace.

00:01:47.860 Shined that light on me.

00:01:54.300 I'll sit and tell you my stories.

00:01:59.540 Shine on me.

00:02:03.920 And I will find a song.

00:02:07.140 I'll be singing.

00:02:08.100 I'm going to stay.

00:02:08.860 Kelly Rowland, baby.

00:02:17.820 Kelly Rowland.

00:02:19.200 We rolling.

00:02:20.860 You see me, Kelly Rowland.

00:02:23.500 They hate.

00:02:24.220 Chameleonair?

00:02:25.020 They hate.

00:02:25.640 He's like an investor now.

00:02:27.260 Dude, Chameleonair.

00:02:32.180 Chameleonair was a.

00:02:34.580 He had a studio by our first studio.

00:02:37.180 He had an office in our first studio.

00:02:39.520 What was he doing in there?

00:02:40.460 In the same building.

00:02:41.920 He was just Chameleon.

00:02:43.800 I don't know what they do.

00:02:45.800 You know what I'm saying?

00:02:46.600 Yeah. 1.00

00:02:47.380 Last I saw, he's just a big investor in a bunch of business shit. 0.99

00:02:50.640 He wasn't in the trenches anymore. 1.00

00:02:52.500 No, no, no, no, no, no.

00:02:54.480 You know what the trenches are?

00:02:55.800 I've heard of them.

00:02:56.500 Yeah.

00:02:57.040 I grew up in a suburb.

00:02:57.860 We wish we were in trenches.

00:03:00.240 Really?

00:03:00.620 We always thought we were in a gang, but nobody would check us.

00:03:04.400 That's how you know when you're a suburban.

00:03:05.640 You could just say you're in a gang, and everybody,

00:03:06.980 but yeah, all right.

00:03:07.740 Nobody was like, which one?

00:03:09.080 People would just be like, oh, me too, man.

00:03:10.860 What time do you guys meet?

00:03:11.780 We had a meeting time for our gangs.

00:03:13.540 Yeah.

00:03:14.100 After math on Tuesdays.

00:03:16.200 Yeah.

00:03:16.520 Like if your mom picks you up from the gang, it's not really.

00:03:19.800 Exactly.

00:03:20.340 Right?

00:03:20.880 Right.

00:03:21.160 And then she offers a ride to everybody else.

00:03:23.000 Do you need a ride home, Riley?

00:03:24.760 Oh, your mother's coming?

00:03:25.720 She's a sweetheart. 1.00

00:03:27.280 Fucking mom, stop, dude. 1.00

00:03:28.800 Mom, stop. 1.00

00:03:29.620 We call him fucking Gunner. 1.00

00:03:31.880 You know? 0.99

00:03:32.320 She's not even using people's code names.

00:03:34.200 Right, right, right. 1.00

00:03:34.700 Yeah, and then when your mom walks away, you look back, you're like, fucking bitch. 1.00

00:03:37.380 Yeah, dog. 1.00

00:03:38.060 I used to cuss my mom all the time. 1.00

00:03:38.780 I'll fucking tell dad. 0.99

00:03:39.780 Did you ever cuss at parents? 1.00

00:03:41.180 I used to cuss them all the time. 1.00

00:03:42.620 No, I think we would sometimes spray paint obscenities and stuff on my mom's car, I remember.

00:03:49.140 And tell other people.

00:03:50.100 With big words?

00:03:50.760 Huh?

00:03:50.980 Like, big words or just, like, kind of small?

00:03:53.260 No, just things like queer or whatever.

00:03:55.260 Like, things that didn't even really relate to her.

00:03:57.800 It was just...

00:03:59.080 Would people honk and be like, I'm with you?

00:04:01.860 I mean, I don't know what people, like, some people, I think, showed up there at night,

00:04:06.220 like, thinking it was, like, a club or whatever.

00:04:08.060 Like, sometimes you'd go out there in the middle of the night, there'd be a couple gay dudes out there.

00:04:11.200 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:04:11.500 Yeah, people are knocking on the windows and be like, where do I Venmo?

00:04:14.180 Where do I Venmo?

00:04:14.680 Yeah, we had a spray paint that was, like, meant for just, like, art, but it washed off.

00:04:18.180 So, you could spray paint somebody's car, and then they'd lose their mind, but then it'd rub right off.

00:04:21.860 Oh, that's sick, man.

00:04:22.720 It was fun, yeah.

00:04:24.060 Yeah, they had this thing bust.

00:04:25.540 People would put, like, a slice meat or something on somebody's car at night.

00:04:30.320 Oh, a shark.

00:04:30.760 Oh, bologna.

00:04:31.700 Yeah, bologna.

00:04:32.180 Bologna would take paint off a car.

00:04:34.020 Yes.

00:04:34.320 It'd be like a Honda Civic rolling around with just smallpox on it.

00:04:37.460 It'd look like somebody had done cupping on the back of it.

00:04:39.800 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:04:40.400 Or on the hood. 0.99

00:04:41.100 Damn, that Civic's really working on itself. 0.99

00:04:42.960 It's trying to find its inner core. 0.99

00:04:44.680 Yeah, dude, definitely.

00:04:45.620 Got its chakras right. 0.99

00:04:47.380 Yeah, it seemed like, yeah, it's like.

00:04:48.740 I forgot about that.

00:04:49.600 Oh, yeah, and somebody, if you really hated somebody, you'd put three or four slices on them. 0.98

00:04:53.480 I mean, you would charcuterie up a damn, the front of a Ford Escort. 0.95

00:04:57.380 Oh, yeah, exactly. 0.99

00:04:58.000 If you hated somebody in the area.

00:04:59.460 Right. 0.99

00:05:00.000 You know, they'd fucking, you'd just have them. 0.99

00:05:01.600 But then the birds would pull up and be like, oh, shit, we got a charcuterie board right here. 0.99

00:05:04.460 Yeah. 0.99

00:05:05.220 Yeah, I mean, there was one that would, like, turn somebody's grass a different color.

00:05:08.840 You could put, like, Cheerios in it.

00:05:10.080 Or do you ever do forking where you put plastic forks in somebody's lawn and you just snap the handle? 0.97

00:05:14.200 That was the most fucked up because it would just break a lawnmower. 0.97

00:05:16.600 Oh, really? 0.99

00:05:17.220 You break it, and then at the top, you break the handle, so you can't really get them out.

00:05:21.400 We were just bored and didn't have drugs.

00:05:23.460 Yeah, it sounds like a very low-risk gang.

00:05:28.520 Yeah.

00:05:29.780 Did y'all have a name or anything for the gang or not?

00:05:32.140 I don't remember.

00:05:32.820 I just remember the initials were TFE.

00:05:34.600 I don't remember what it stands for. 0.99

00:05:36.300 The fucking English or something. 0.99

00:05:37.700 I don't really know what it was. 1.00

00:05:38.900 There's definitely a fucking in there. 1.00

00:05:40.160 You, like, when I found out the F word, the first time I said it to my dad, I called him a fuckhead. 1.00

00:05:45.600 I didn't know, I knew the power of fuck, but I didn't know how to use it. 0.99

00:05:48.600 Oh, yeah. 0.99

00:05:49.140 So my dad said something, and I was walking away from the table on my way out. 1.00

00:05:51.880 I was like, whatever, you fuckhead. 1.00

00:05:53.540 And then I just heard the belt coming off. 1.00

00:05:55.660 Oh, yeah.

00:05:56.440 Did you just hear the fondling with it?

00:05:58.300 Yeah.

00:05:58.700 And I was like, oh, boy.

00:06:00.240 Then you run to your room.

00:06:01.280 It's like, he knows where you're at.

00:06:03.140 That's the worst thing.

00:06:04.840 You only had one place to go.

00:06:07.100 And you're cornered.

00:06:08.200 Yeah, yeah. 1.00

00:06:08.900 You should get your ass beat. 1.00

00:06:11.260 Papa, no! 1.00

00:06:13.480 Papa, no, dude.

00:06:14.860 Yeah.

00:06:15.240 It sounds like, uh, that sounds like a very-

00:06:18.000 We got armaged real quick.

00:06:19.120 What century was it?

00:06:20.400 Uh, the early 90s.

00:06:22.480 Okay, I was gonna say.

00:06:23.340 Early 90s.

00:06:24.460 Papa, no sound kind of-

00:06:25.940 But I just tried to make a connection so he wouldn't hurt me.

00:06:28.540 Oh, yeah.

00:06:29.500 Father.

00:06:30.320 Yeah, father.

00:06:31.720 Tis I.

00:06:32.640 Yeah.

00:06:32.860 Your loving son.

00:06:33.820 If I made a connection, maybe it wouldn't hit me as hard.

00:06:35.780 Yeah, father, it's not meant to be, father.

00:06:38.680 It's me.

00:06:39.240 Your dementia's kicking in.

00:06:40.760 It's your good old pal, Trev.

00:06:42.880 Do you want to be in the gang? 0.99

00:06:45.100 Yeah, I remember one time my mom broke a paddle over my ass, and I started laughing. 0.99

00:06:49.380 She really- 1.00

00:06:49.760 Your parents really abused you. 0.99

00:06:50.940 They would spank you. 1.00

00:06:52.260 Yeah. 0.87

00:06:52.800 Yeah, my mom spanked, yeah. 1.00

00:06:53.660 It was a classic white family. 0.80

00:06:55.440 Yeah.

00:06:55.680 But like, they would do that, and then they would be like, I'm only doing this because I love you.

00:06:59.020 And they'd like hit me.

00:07:00.040 Yeah. 1.00

00:07:00.500 Fucking hit me. 1.00

00:07:01.200 Talk some shit, you know? 1.00

00:07:02.880 Don't throw in some soliloquies as a haiku poem. 1.00

00:07:06.120 Yeah, it is.

00:07:06.880 I guess, I think, the thing about running to the room, that is such the- 0.98

00:07:11.680 Because as a parent, you have to be like, how dumb is this kid? 0.98

00:07:14.660 They ran to the only place. 0.99

00:07:16.880 And it's the same thing you did as a kid.

00:07:18.840 You're like, how have we not learned as a-

00:07:20.580 We just think that that was like our safety.

00:07:22.120 It's like, I'm in my room.

00:07:23.080 You can't get in here.

00:07:24.560 Yeah.

00:07:24.800 And they're like, watch me.

00:07:26.380 We didn't have any locks on the doors.

00:07:27.780 You didn't?

00:07:28.180 Mm-mm. 0.99

00:07:28.940 I had to jerk off just with the safety off every night. 0.99

00:07:31.780 Just with God was your lock? 0.99

00:07:33.340 Yeah.

00:07:33.880 Just hope.

00:07:34.840 And the light used to crack through the door.

00:07:37.080 So I'd be like, oh, I'm going to bed.

00:07:38.600 I'm going to touch myself.

00:07:39.680 So I'd go to bed, and then I'd put a towel.

00:07:41.780 Most people do this to hide smoke from weed, but I wasn't cool.

00:07:44.680 So I'd put the towel under the door cracks so the light wouldn't shine through because

00:07:47.580 I was touching myself. 0.92

00:07:47.840 Smoke from that freaking rub, baby. 1.00

00:07:49.520 Smoking that cock. 1.00

00:07:50.600 Just in case you were freaking, yeah. 0.99

00:07:51.980 In case you just did it so well, you just started nativing out and having real smoke

00:07:56.380 come out of your body. 0.85

00:07:56.780 They knew what was going on.

00:07:58.180 They knew what was going on.

00:07:59.540 Dude, I remember when a, have you ever laid on your back and put your legs in the air while 0.94

00:08:04.120 you jerked off? 0.94

00:08:04.960 That's like the biggest thing you could do. 0.99

00:08:07.260 I'm never, I would never do that.

00:08:08.900 It sounds like you might've done that.

00:08:10.220 I haven't done that.

00:08:11.960 You want to?

00:08:12.900 No, I don't want to do that, dude.

00:08:14.760 That's crazy, dude.

00:08:15.900 Wait, so you're saying.

00:08:17.120 This guy's team.

00:08:18.880 When would you ever need to be in that position?

00:08:21.020 You're laying on your back and your feet are in the air?

00:08:22.700 I don't know.

00:08:23.280 I just remember.

00:08:24.080 That's a reverse colonoscopy right there.

00:08:25.140 Yeah, I just remember seeing this very alarming like drawing or something on a website.

00:08:32.780 It could have been on a website or even like the side of like a dumpster, which was like

00:08:36.040 an early website.

00:08:36.980 Oh, yeah.

00:08:37.740 Like before they had websites, people would like write message for help on a dumpster,

00:08:41.200 you know?

00:08:41.560 Of course.

00:08:42.040 That is true. 0.97

00:08:42.780 You know, like my son's gay or something. 1.00

00:08:45.600 On a dumpster? 0.99

00:08:47.000 You're like, is this recycling or yard waste?

00:08:49.300 Neither.

00:08:49.660 It's for my son.

00:08:51.020 Can you pick what position you get a colonoscopy in?

00:08:54.840 Oh, well, I've wondered a little bit.

00:08:56.300 I mean, you know, and I've long thought that a lot of misbehaving children or kids that

00:09:02.640 are really bad were born doggy style.

00:09:05.280 I've heard that.

00:09:06.520 I feel like that.

00:09:07.800 What's the most like wholesome missionary? 1.00

00:09:10.920 Probably just jerk off into your hand and give it to her. 0.99

00:09:13.480 Like however you want to insert this into you. 0.99

00:09:15.060 Oh, that's very, that's like a Valentine's.

00:09:17.560 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:09:18.420 That's like an old school Valentine's where people walk thousands of miles to get it there.

00:09:22.260 The seed, right?

00:09:23.020 Yeah.

00:09:23.100 Here you go.

00:09:23.980 Postmates.

00:09:25.040 Postmates for Cheryl. 1.00

00:09:26.120 Just a nut in her hand.

00:09:27.100 If you were to have a kid, what position would you want it to be, what's it called when you

00:09:32.520 conceived?

00:09:34.920 Yes.

00:09:35.620 Well, that, oh, that was, that was what I thought.

00:09:37.160 I thought years ago, and I've long thought that children conceived in doggy style positions

00:09:41.460 are more likely for things like crime.

00:09:44.100 Got that dog in them.

00:09:45.520 Yeah.

00:09:46.120 They got, yeah, they just, yeah.

00:09:47.280 Got that dog.

00:09:47.740 Little labradoodle.

00:09:49.940 Something about it.

00:09:50.980 Yeah.

00:09:51.220 I think if you throw, yeah, I mean the kind of kid where why their parents are making love, 0.99

00:09:54.980 you fucking, if a frisbee goes past and the semen in there just kind of runs to one 0.99

00:09:59.760 side of her body. 1.00

00:10:00.940 That's that dog, baby. 0.85

00:10:02.180 That's that dog right there.

00:10:03.200 You think, what do you think the type of kid would be if the girl's on top and then 0.92

00:10:07.500 that's how it's conceived?

00:10:08.500 You think the kid, you know, it's like tall, maybe a little like class clown.

00:10:11.620 Good posture.

00:10:12.360 I definitely think good posture.

00:10:13.700 Straight.

00:10:13.860 I don't like people with good posture.

00:10:15.480 It feels like they know something that we don't.

00:10:17.640 Well, it feels like they're working for somebody.

00:10:19.460 Yeah.

00:10:20.320 It feels like somebody who's trying really hard to blend in to be a human.

00:10:23.320 Yes.

00:10:23.740 And like, if you asked him what his name was, he would know it.

00:10:25.900 He would say it like too quick.

00:10:26.940 Rick.

00:10:28.020 Rick.

00:10:28.540 Yeah.

00:10:29.180 I'm Rick.

00:10:30.480 It'd have a question mark.

00:10:31.440 Yeah.

00:10:31.520 I'm Robert.

00:10:33.180 Robert.

00:10:34.020 Yeah.

00:10:34.540 And it's just like this.

00:10:36.240 I don't know.

00:10:36.600 It just feels weird.

00:10:37.200 I'm Rick.

00:10:39.220 Like they start, like the, it starts glitching after hours.

00:10:42.140 Like you didn't get the update or whatever.

00:10:44.100 Yeah.

00:10:44.460 Like he's probably trying to read a bowl of alphabet soup.

00:10:46.860 Like he could really quickly if he wanted to.

00:10:49.200 Yeah.

00:10:49.620 Yeah.

00:10:49.960 Just start yelling all the letters.

00:10:50.960 I'm Rick.

00:10:52.260 I'm Rick.

00:10:53.320 I'm Rick. 0.96

00:10:53.880 And then he's like, starts, like, if you don't get the update, the guy gets gay or something. 0.68

00:10:58.580 He's like, I'm Rick.

00:11:00.560 You're like, what?

00:11:01.640 How much does the update cost?

00:11:03.000 And the update costs like $59.99.

00:11:04.880 Yeah.

00:11:05.160 And you're like.

00:11:05.620 Well, you can also like hack updates. 0.99

00:11:07.120 But then if your son, like your good postured son is now a gay son. 0.98

00:11:12.140 Everybody's like, oh, you can't afford to make your son straight. 0.54

00:11:14.500 You won't get the update. 0.98

00:11:15.220 I think it'd be more expensive to make your son gay. 1.00

00:11:17.180 Oh, that's true. 1.00

00:11:17.740 I think it's an upgrade to be gay. 1.00

00:11:18.760 Yeah, that's true. 0.99

00:11:19.280 You get better style.

00:11:20.140 You always have energy. 0.94

00:11:21.120 You ever seen a gay dude yawn? 1.00

00:11:22.540 Yeah. 0.95

00:11:22.740 Uh-uh.

00:11:24.140 Just always on. 0.88

00:11:25.400 Dude, I've never seen a gay dude yawn. 0.99

00:11:27.740 They're just too pumped.

00:11:28.560 They just got life. 0.50

00:11:30.020 Also, I just, I think you need a couple of gay dudes in your corner because they're just 1.00

00:11:32.600 opinionated. 0.79

00:11:33.200 They will give it to you straight.

00:11:34.400 Like, like, like, bro.

00:11:35.500 Like, just like every dude at Barstool, like, you could ask them a question.

00:11:38.800 They'll be like, yeah, bet for sure.

00:11:39.820 Uh-huh.

00:11:40.480 But you can be like, oh, is this a good outfit?

00:11:42.000 But yeah, for sure. 0.64

00:11:42.680 But like a gay dude will be like, good outfit for what? 1.00

00:11:45.100 Dumpster diving? 0.66

00:11:45.660 And you're like, that right there?

00:11:47.220 I need that in my life.

00:11:48.520 Right.

00:11:48.780 They'll put you in check.

00:11:50.280 Right.

00:11:50.780 Yeah.

00:11:51.060 Like fighting your stepdad?

00:11:52.500 Yeah.

00:11:53.360 Yeah.

00:11:54.980 Were you parents when you were a kid?

00:11:56.520 Oh, dude.

00:11:57.060 I remember I ran away.

00:12:01.360 Yeah.

00:12:02.120 I ran away.

00:12:02.620 And what would you pack?

00:12:03.440 Would you pack anything or were you just raw dog life?

00:12:05.460 I remember the second I was born, I remember being across the room.

00:12:09.740 Like, I...

00:12:10.200 You got shot, put it out?

00:12:11.340 I mean, I ran away.

00:12:12.640 There goes Theo!

00:12:13.900 But the cord is still on?

00:12:15.320 Oh, dude.

00:12:16.080 I think I remember tying the cord to, like, the nurse's foot just to, like, keep people

00:12:19.240 occupied.

00:12:19.460 Oh, like you're surfing?

00:12:20.540 Like, no, just to confuse them, you know?

00:12:22.580 Oh, really? 0.99

00:12:23.220 Because that thing's a fucking house arrest. 1.00

00:12:24.740 I wonder how many babies think that's their dong. 1.00

00:12:26.920 Or they're, like, damn, I'm packing. 0.98

00:12:28.040 Out of the gate? 0.99

00:12:28.920 Yeah.

00:12:29.640 And the doctor's like, oh, no, we got to cut that one.

00:12:32.080 And then we got to cut the other one.

00:12:34.700 Yeah, I don't know.

00:12:35.960 I do remember, I remember trying to run away, man.

00:12:38.180 I remember going to the post office because I thought somebody could mail me somewhere.

00:12:42.180 You were a light baby?

00:12:43.520 In our town.

00:12:44.140 No, I think when I was, like, probably 10 or something like that.

00:12:46.840 10?

00:12:47.060 11?

00:12:47.560 Okay.

00:12:48.180 Just rode my bike over there.

00:12:49.660 And I remember thinking that somebody could mail me somewhere.

00:12:51.940 Maybe not 10, maybe 11.

00:12:53.220 With the bike or no?

00:12:54.800 I don't know.

00:12:55.500 I just remember finally getting to the post office.

00:12:57.200 It wasn't that far, but it was, like, maybe about five miles.

00:12:58.980 And I got there, and I was, like, the first person that I saw that looked nice or, like,

00:13:03.260 concerned or whatever.

00:13:04.200 Somebody combed their hair.

00:13:05.120 I was, like, I got to get out of town.

00:13:06.820 Where did you want to go?

00:13:07.920 Anywhere.

00:13:08.920 Yeah.

00:13:09.500 That's funny.

00:13:10.140 Just go to the post office.

00:13:11.080 Send me anywhere.

00:13:12.040 Yeah.

00:13:12.420 My dad had a friend who robbed a bank on a bike when he was 14.

00:13:16.460 Oh, yeah.

00:13:17.880 Which is hilarious.

00:13:18.900 That's the same mentality of running to your room when your parents about to hit you.

00:13:22.000 Like, where are you running to on a bike?

00:13:23.800 Skatepark?

00:13:24.220 I don't know.

00:13:24.520 Like, Kmart?

00:13:25.400 You're really anywhere.

00:13:26.420 Yeah.

00:13:26.980 But he got caught.

00:13:27.980 He did?

00:13:28.500 Yeah.

00:13:28.700 They just put a stick in his spokes.

00:13:30.580 Oh.

00:13:30.860 I don't know how they caught him, but, yeah, dude, as a 14-year-old on a bike, like, you're

00:13:35.500 going to get caught.

00:13:36.440 Oh, yeah.

00:13:36.880 They had two brothers in our town.

00:13:39.340 They were twins.

00:13:41.000 They weren't twins.

00:13:44.000 They were brothers.

00:13:46.100 And they did a drive-by shooting on a bike in our town.

00:13:50.980 Bear Bear.

00:13:51.640 One of them named Bear Bear, and I don't know what the other one's name was.

00:13:53.720 Was it a tandem bicycle, or they were just riding next to each other?

00:13:56.540 A tandem drive-by would be hilarious.

00:13:59.280 Moody or something.

00:14:00.020 Maybe Bear Bear and Moody.

00:14:01.780 But they were brothers, and one of them was on the handlebars.

00:14:04.480 Yeah.

00:14:04.840 And he did the shooting.

00:14:07.060 Oh, on the handlebars?

00:14:08.060 Yeah.

00:14:08.320 That's honestly kind of cute.

00:14:09.820 I think it would be so hard, because, like...

00:14:11.640 Yeah.

00:14:11.940 The blowback.

00:14:12.940 Yeah.

00:14:13.280 And you're kind of already balancing yourself up there.

00:14:15.560 They hit a wheelie?

00:14:15.720 That'd be kind of tight.

00:14:16.840 Oh, that'd be sick.

00:14:17.600 I always see that in the South, where dudes will just on a dirt bike, or, like, Atlanta 0.99

00:14:20.720 type shit. 0.97

00:14:21.180 They just do wheelies on, just, like, on a dirt bike through town. 0.99

00:14:23.920 That makes me feel, you know, good.

00:14:26.200 I like seeing that.

00:14:27.180 Well, that's the new, like, the cavalry's coming when you see a

00:14:29.960 batch of, like...

00:14:30.760 Yeah.

00:14:31.020 Because you'll see some of that.

00:14:32.020 And that is one of the most...

00:14:33.620 There must be something about those bike riding, because that is the most

00:14:38.460 diversifying thing.

00:14:39.600 People, all ethnicities come together to do those things.

00:14:42.840 The wheelies?

00:14:43.400 Yeah.

00:14:44.000 That is true.

00:14:44.540 I was just in Indianapolis over the weekend.

00:14:46.120 There was a whole bunch of that.

00:14:47.780 It was just a red light, and somebody pulls up, and it's just...

00:14:50.220 Yeah.

00:14:51.240 It was loud as hell for no reason.

00:14:52.520 Oh, it's the worst, dude.

00:14:53.740 Yeah.

00:14:54.000 I was out there at Gary VCon.

00:14:55.960 Have you ever met Gary?

00:14:56.600 You went to VCon?

00:14:57.320 Yeah, I went there to go film a video.

00:14:59.240 No.

00:14:59.540 It's bizarre.

00:15:00.420 How was...

00:15:00.940 Yeah, I talked to Gary.

00:15:01.880 Oh, Shultz was there.

00:15:02.180 I was...

00:15:02.360 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:15:02.920 I talked with Gary about it online, but it started...

00:15:04.980 Once it was named VCon, to me, that was a...

00:15:07.940 It seemed a little...

00:15:09.740 It made me kind of wonder what's going on, what am I getting involved in?

00:15:12.780 It was...

00:15:13.360 It's exactly...

00:15:13.980 Picture VCon right now?

00:15:15.060 That's it.

00:15:16.140 Whatever you're thinking about, what are you thinking about?

00:15:19.780 Yeah, like people bothering people about money.

00:15:22.900 Yeah, it was a lot of bright colors and people who may have not seen a tit in a while.

00:15:27.520 Oh, yeah.

00:15:28.080 I don't know what you're talking about. 0.93

00:15:28.960 I mean, look, Gary's a very nice guy, and he fires these people the fuck up. 0.51

00:15:33.420 The funniest thing he said, we watched his speech on the last night, and we walked in 1.00

00:15:36.840 at a random part, and I walked in on him going, fuck your grandparents. 1.00

00:15:40.660 Yeah. 1.00

00:15:41.100 And I'm like, that's the energy I need in life. 1.00

00:15:42.940 I'm like, they are past RIP, love you both, but fuck them, you know? 1.00

00:15:47.220 Like, that's just where he's at in life. 0.99

00:15:49.320 Yeah, he and I, I mean, I totally respect kind of like...

00:15:53.140 I respect him too.

00:15:54.100 I respect his acumen, you know?

00:15:56.300 Yeah. 0.99

00:15:56.600 I think, but he also like, but he tells people crazy shit. 0.90

00:16:00.120 He'll be like, you know, oh, you got to, like, there's videos of him, like, meeting 0.98

00:16:05.520 a guy in a park, and the guy's like, I sold all of our silverware, I sold my baby highchairs,

00:16:11.960 I sold everything, I made $720, you know?

00:16:16.320 And Gary's like, he, like, hugs him, he's like, that's great.

00:16:18.520 The guy's like, yeah, we're not staying, we're living in this park, we're cutting down all

00:16:22.620 costs. 0.99

00:16:23.100 And then it pans out, and him and his family are living in a fucking park, right? 0.99

00:16:26.520 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 0.99

00:16:26.980 And then Gary's like, you're doing wonderful.

00:16:28.380 And Gary kicks it over, and he goes, that's from me to you.

00:16:31.100 You got to start from the bottom to be at the top.

00:16:33.660 And you were too humble.

00:16:35.240 He talks like, just like a crazy person in front of a 7-Eleven, but he's so convincing at it.

00:16:41.100 Right. 1.00

00:16:41.300 Like, if you walk past a guy at 7-Eleven and be like, fuck your grandparents, you'd be 1.00

00:16:44.220 like, sure. 1.00

00:16:44.920 Right.

00:16:45.280 I get that.

00:16:46.000 I forgot, yeah.

00:16:46.840 But then you get one of those tiny headsets, like the little, like, TED Talk ones, and I'm

00:16:50.460 like, yeah, you know what? 1.00

00:16:51.360 Fuck him. 1.00

00:16:52.080 Yeah. 1.00

00:16:52.380 I agree.

00:16:52.940 He makes a lot of good points, but it's just good stuff.

00:16:56.380 Well, I think it's you all, there's always people that are giving, like, guidance and inspiring

00:17:01.440 people.

00:17:01.880 Inspiring is nice, because I think it's hard to get inspired.

00:17:05.160 So, if Gary Vee inspires you, or whoever you find that inspires you, you know, that's

00:17:10.980 great.

00:17:11.680 No, he was very good at it.

00:17:13.820 He could say anything, and you put, like, enough of an emphasis or, like, an exclamation

00:17:17.040 point, a couple words, and you're in.

00:17:19.720 Yeah, the guy's like, are you still using silverware?

00:17:22.360 He'll ask him, are you still using silverware?

00:17:23.480 The guy's like, yeah, I am.

00:17:24.120 He's like, you can sell those.

00:17:25.760 You could easily sell those silverware and be up $25, $28.

00:17:29.940 Yeah, exactly.

00:17:30.520 You know?

00:17:30.840 Yeah, you have to put food in your mouth with your hand.

00:17:32.920 Yeah, you ever see the videos of him going to garage sales?

00:17:35.480 They're the funniest things ever.

00:17:37.040 That was insane.

00:17:37.900 Dude, he, I mean, he's almost, he has, like, $150 million to his name, but he'll go to a

00:17:40.940 garage sale and be like, how much for this ficus tree?

00:17:43.360 And they're like, oh, $7.

00:17:44.700 And he goes, I'll give you four.

00:17:46.340 And they're like, oh, well, I mean, okay, we really need it.

00:17:50.140 We just need a liver transplant by Tuesday, right?

00:17:52.220 He'll do that. 0.99

00:17:52.960 And then he'll walk away, and I'm like, fucking got him. 0.99

00:17:55.300 That was a steal. 0.99

00:17:56.460 Dude, it's hilarious.

00:17:57.720 That was, I made a video about this, because that's why we got connected.

00:18:01.100 Really? 0.99

00:18:01.400 Yeah, I made a video kind of just talking shit, how he, like, literally just lowballs 0.99

00:18:04.900 poor families in, like, Des Moines. 0.99

00:18:06.600 Yeah.

00:18:08.340 Like, he, like, hardballs them.

00:18:09.680 Like, he'll walk up, and they'll be like, $100 for this.

00:18:11.160 And then I'll be like, let me play hard to get.

00:18:12.400 Goes to his car, rips some K, walks back, and he's like, we'll do $68.

00:18:16.940 Gary, please, our son is, our son has one tooth.

00:18:20.560 He's been eating applesauce out of a tooth for eight years.

00:18:22.660 And he's like, I'll give you three.

00:18:25.200 It's electric.

00:18:26.300 I love it. 1.00

00:18:26.640 Fuck your son. 1.00

00:18:27.300 Yeah, I love that type of energy, though. 1.00

00:18:28.840 Good.

00:18:29.400 But he also, he was born, like, with wine.

00:18:31.520 He was, like, from a wine fortune.

00:18:33.320 So that's the only thing, like, I'm not knocking it, but it's like, has it always just been easy?

00:18:40.140 Has he always had money?

00:18:41.380 Like, is it really?

00:18:42.700 I don't know.

00:18:44.380 Is it really, if you don't have any money?

00:18:46.640 I forget the backstory, but I think there was something where, like, he, like, started the

00:18:49.760 family business or something with the winery.

00:18:51.080 I don't really know what happened, but, yeah, I don't know, dude. 0.99

00:18:54.660 He was convincing as fuck. 0.98

00:18:55.820 And it's like, you want to laugh, but then you leave there a little fired up. 1.00

00:18:58.500 You ever been to a black church? 0.98

00:18:59.800 Oh, yeah. 0.99

00:19:00.340 Dude, those get you fired up.

00:19:02.180 They're so much better than regular church.

00:19:03.540 They got a drum set.

00:19:04.760 Yeah.

00:19:05.180 I've been to regular, I'm Jewish, but I went to, like, regular church a few times.

00:19:09.060 And I was like, but after going to a black church and then going to that, I was like, 1.00

00:19:11.820 this shit is boring. 1.00

00:19:12.880 Oh, dude. 1.00

00:19:13.520 Black church is definitely, yeah, you, like.

00:19:16.900 You feel the Lord.

00:19:18.100 Oh, you feel the Lord. 1.00

00:19:19.180 And somebody will splash fucking hot grease on your back. 0.99

00:19:21.720 You're in the middle of it. 0.99

00:19:22.360 Like, you don't even know what's going on.

00:19:23.620 And, like, you don't know if somebody just, like, ripped open, like, a lunch plate real

00:19:27.520 fast.

00:19:27.700 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:19:28.260 Or if some lady's, like, whipped her hair. 1.00

00:19:29.980 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 0.97

00:19:30.260 Like, you'll see a black lady. 1.00

00:19:31.280 She'll have a fucking plant. 1.00

00:19:32.580 She'll be watering a plant in her hair during the fucking sermon, dude. 1.00

00:19:36.240 People are dressed up. 1.00

00:19:37.180 Offering you a grape or something.

00:19:38.260 Oh, everybody smells good, dude.

00:19:40.620 The Lord will pass through the room.

00:19:42.760 Dude, at one point, like, I wanted to give more. 0.99

00:19:45.500 I already donated, but I was like, send that bitch back. 1.00

00:19:47.340 I want to donate more. 0.99

00:19:48.360 Oh, yeah.

00:19:49.100 What's the bowl called?

00:19:50.200 Whatever. 1.00

00:19:50.460 I don't know, but this shit, it was, like, three hours, and, I mean, man, it had an arc. 0.99

00:19:56.400 Start out slow. 0.99

00:19:57.560 You feel the closing bit. 0.99

00:19:58.680 Then it's the grand finale, and I just want to throw my wall in the damn air and be like, 0.95

00:20:02.260 I'm converted, and then just throw it up there. 1.00

00:20:04.280 Oh, I'll throw my fucking. 1.00

00:20:05.140 Fuck my bar mitzvah. 1.00

00:20:06.060 Yeah, yeah. 1.00

00:20:07.420 I'll throw my fucking dick in the air and catch it in my mouth, dude. 1.00

00:20:10.480 You know what I'm saying? 1.00

00:20:12.820 If it calls for it.

00:20:15.900 But I'm like.

00:20:16.500 If God calls for it.

00:20:17.360 If God calls for that.

00:20:18.480 If that's what he's asking for.

00:20:19.220 Yeah, I've been in him. 0.55

00:20:19.920 The first funeral I ever went to, man, was a black guy.

00:20:23.400 How did he die?

00:20:24.820 He died.

00:20:27.640 He was the biggest guy in our town.

00:20:29.500 His name was Ricardo.

00:20:30.600 Buff or just kind of large?

00:20:32.120 He was buff.

00:20:32.900 He was like a man child. 0.98

00:20:34.940 It was like as if you saw like a nine-year-old child, but he was like, I mean, he's probably

00:20:39.760 six, four. 0.99

00:20:41.140 Damn. 1.00

00:20:42.300 And I bet he weighed. 1.00

00:20:42.960 He was nine?

00:20:43.800 He weighed two.

00:20:45.120 No, he looked like a nine-year-old, but he was probably, I guess we were in 11 or 12.

00:20:51.220 Maybe he was six, two, six, four.

00:20:52.880 I think he might have been six, four.

00:20:54.140 He was the biggest.

00:20:54.980 He was the biggest kid in our town.

00:20:56.280 He was, you never see nothing like it.

00:20:59.580 They didn't have it.

00:21:01.060 You know, when you saw him.

00:21:01.700 He should have just been the mayor.

00:21:03.020 Oh, he was. 0.98

00:21:03.720 I mean, he definitely, he could fucking keep the sun off of you. 0.99

00:21:08.040 He was fucking big. 1.00

00:21:09.340 I bet he would fuck shit up in dodgeball. 1.00

00:21:11.260 Oh, dude. 1.00

00:21:11.860 He was just, he could do whatever he want.

00:21:14.300 The birds knew him.

00:21:15.260 The birds knew him. 1.00

00:21:16.120 I mean, you see a bird come fucking, he knew it. 1.00

00:21:18.540 He was fucking big, dude. 1.00

00:21:21.000 He was big. 1.00

00:21:21.980 So how'd he pass?

00:21:22.880 He was playing basketball.

00:21:24.120 It was like a Little League basketball game.

00:21:26.380 Big boy, Little League.

00:21:27.720 11 and 12-year-olds, and he had a heart attack and died.

00:21:31.600 Really?

00:21:32.300 Was he on Natty, or was he on the roids?

00:21:34.340 He wasn't on anything.

00:21:35.520 He was just on just two miles.

00:21:36.880 I think he had, his heart, they said he had an enlarged heart.

00:21:39.680 I don't know what that means.

00:21:41.100 What does that mean, Zach?

00:21:41.880 Can we look that up?

00:21:42.620 Just the heart of a grown man and a young boy's body.

00:21:45.140 It could have been it. 1.00

00:21:45.960 I wish I had a grown man's penis when I was 12. 1.00

00:21:48.120 Do you? 1.00

00:21:49.000 Kind of.

00:21:49.800 Oh, you don't want that, man.

00:21:50.740 I had that.

00:21:51.600 You had that, or you have it?

00:21:52.920 I had it as a child.

00:21:53.980 You were packing as a child?

00:21:55.460 Yeah, did you know that? 0.99

00:21:56.300 How the fuck would I know that? 0.99

00:21:57.760 I was born with an adult's... 1.00

00:21:59.700 Adult dong? 0.56

00:22:00.980 Genital, yeah. 1.00

00:22:01.960 Just, damn, ball and penis, or just ball, or just penis? 1.00

00:22:04.720 I think it's the whole thing. 1.00

00:22:06.220 Wow.

00:22:06.920 So when did you know that?

00:22:07.980 When did you look down one day, and you're like, oh, I'm packing more than the average?

00:22:11.300 Oh, I remember seeing some other kids, like, wieners and not even noticing, and then my 0.99

00:22:16.540 wiener, I felt like, looked like Florida, and I was like, oh, damn, dude, my wiener, 0.69

00:22:21.580 like, people are going to show up on my wiener, like, in the summer, you know? 0.96

00:22:25.380 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:22:26.180 You're like, is that Alabama in there, too, dog?

00:22:28.200 We're packing.

00:22:29.000 And I just remember, like, just being so uncomfortable, yeah, because, and I remember sleeping at night

00:22:34.380 and feeling it under my body.

00:22:36.200 Really?

00:22:36.640 And it was just a nightmare. 1.00

00:22:37.820 Do you have to, like, tuck it in and shit, too? 1.00

00:22:39.100 Yeah, it was embarrassing. 0.99

00:22:40.580 Embarrassing?

00:22:40.900 Yeah, because you weren't just, you were just abnormal. 1.00

00:22:43.200 No kid, no five-year-old's like, yeah, who's got a big dick, you know? 0.99

00:22:47.600 And if they ask that, they're definitely not five. 1.00

00:22:50.220 It's a 48-year-old man on the internet, who's a big dick? 0.97

00:22:53.960 Also, other five-year-olds enter. 0.98

00:22:55.820 So did you grow into it, or are you just steady packing?

00:22:58.820 No, I just grew into it.

00:22:59.940 Oh, wow.

00:23:00.520 But yeah, I have some abnormality.

00:23:02.160 But let's look at that enlarged heart.

00:23:03.240 I just want to know what it's called.

00:23:04.940 An enlarged heart and a child?

00:23:06.060 I've lost two friends, actually, to basketball, playing hard with an enlarged heart.

00:23:09.640 An enlarged heart cardiomegaly.

00:23:12.800 What is it, Zach?

00:23:13.420 Well, it says it's usually caused by another condition.

00:23:16.440 Like, it's a side effect.

00:23:17.200 But it can be caused by damage to the heart muscle or any condition that makes the heart

00:23:20.140 pump harder than usual.

00:23:21.860 And then...

00:23:22.600 Hearts just be gone.

00:23:23.580 That's crazy.

00:23:24.200 Every day, he working.

00:23:25.780 He never taken Labor Day off.

00:23:27.640 It may also be a sign of a prior heart attack.

00:23:29.720 Is that one in the family?

00:23:32.380 I think so.

00:23:33.320 Heart attacks do?

00:23:34.080 For sure.

00:23:34.500 Isn't that crazy when something runs in the family?

00:23:36.180 You're just like...

00:23:36.680 You just have to take that with a grain of salt.

00:23:38.240 Be like, oh, all right.

00:23:38.900 Breast cancer runs in the walls, genes. 1.00

00:23:40.580 Cool.

00:23:41.520 Yeah. 1.00

00:23:41.860 Hope my tits don't... 1.00

00:23:42.620 Can men get breast cancer? 1.00

00:23:44.080 Don't clip this. 1.00

00:23:44.960 I don't know how fucking the human body works. 0.99

00:23:47.960 What do you mean? 1.00

00:23:49.720 Like, can men get breast cancer?

00:23:51.520 Yes.

00:23:51.640 Or do you gotta...

00:23:52.100 You can?

00:23:52.580 Yes.

00:23:53.140 Okay.

00:23:53.760 Do they call something chest cancer?

00:23:56.100 I've got something.

00:23:57.060 I don't know what it is.

00:23:58.620 You ever felt something in there?

00:24:00.200 Sometimes when I drink too much, I feel like I have it.

00:24:02.880 I'm like, I don't know where my liver is, but I feel it beating extra today.

00:24:06.900 Oh, yeah.

00:24:07.280 If your liver is beating, then yeah, you probably need to take it in.

00:24:11.500 Sometimes I just get pain in the middle of my chest.

00:24:13.920 And then I remember a girl I was dating at the time.

00:24:15.600 She's like, oh, it's heartburn. 0.83

00:24:16.640 I was like, is it?

00:24:18.320 It's been three days.

00:24:19.260 I think it's just like... 1.00

00:24:21.300 It could just be your bitch signal. 1.00

00:24:23.600 You know what I'm saying? 1.00

00:24:24.280 Like, you could... 1.00

00:24:24.980 We could just be little bitches. 1.00

00:24:26.460 IBS? 1.00

00:24:27.040 I be bitch signal? 1.00

00:24:28.020 I be bitch signaling right now. 1.00

00:24:29.620 You got pain right there? 0.99

00:24:31.480 Sometimes, dude.

00:24:32.320 Yeah.

00:24:32.760 What happens when you wake up?

00:24:34.200 Is your body just good to go or you just got pain?

00:24:36.780 No. 0.98

00:24:37.260 I think these days I fucking want to vape or... 0.98

00:24:40.660 Are you off the vape still? 0.99

00:24:41.640 Go down on a stranger.

00:24:43.320 That's a woman. 1.00

00:24:44.420 In what order?

00:24:46.180 Either one.

00:24:46.840 I think just you want something to kind of get you going. 1.00

00:24:48.860 One of the first porns I ever saw was a girl smoking a cigar out of her pussy. 1.00

00:24:52.000 Oh, my God. 1.00

00:24:52.840 Yeah.

00:24:53.180 Really?

00:24:53.580 Yeah.

00:24:53.920 And it was like...

00:24:54.580 And what was it for?

00:24:55.240 It was like an advertiser?

00:24:56.000 Was it a...

00:24:56.760 It might have been from Marlboro.

00:24:57.880 But I remember I was just so young.

00:24:59.480 I was just like...

00:25:00.760 I was turned on for both reasons.

00:25:02.380 Because I wasn't old enough to smoke.

00:25:03.840 But I also wasn't old enough to stroke.

00:25:05.920 Come on now.

00:25:06.500 Oh, yeah. 0.98

00:25:06.840 So I saw the cigar and the vagina. 1.00

00:25:09.160 And I was like, those are both so cool. 0.98

00:25:10.920 Yeah.

00:25:11.620 Yeah.

00:25:11.780 It was wild.

00:25:12.580 Oh, wow.

00:25:13.300 Yeah.

00:25:13.700 Because I feel like there was always some kid who like...

00:25:15.560 Like you knew...

00:25:16.400 He would show you porn. 1.00

00:25:17.240 But then like his older brother would be like, yeah, but you want to see that pussy smoke 1.00

00:25:20.760 a hookah? 1.00

00:25:21.320 Like he had the next level.

00:25:22.660 Yeah, yeah. 0.68

00:25:23.440 That next level of porn. 0.87

00:25:24.180 Yeah. 1.00

00:25:24.560 You want to see this labia throw a grenade? 1.00

00:25:27.440 You're like, damn. 1.00

00:25:28.900 Okay. 1.00

00:25:30.140 This labia is in a hot tub making lasagna. 0.99

00:25:32.580 He's like, oh, you want to see this uvula eat a half a bag of Skittles? 1.00

00:25:36.840 You're like, damn. 1.00

00:25:38.140 Yeah. 1.00

00:25:38.460 I don't...

00:25:38.960 But like I feel like one dude always had the porn, but like somebody close to him had

00:25:42.940 next level porn. 0.90

00:25:43.880 Yeah. 0.99

00:25:44.000 You want to see this urethra do a zen?

00:25:46.400 You're like...

00:25:46.780 Right.

00:25:47.320 Oh, right.

00:25:47.860 Yeah.

00:25:48.360 All right.

00:25:49.020 The six milligrams? 1.00

00:25:50.160 Oh, shit. 1.00

00:25:51.320 Yeah. 1.00

00:25:51.540 I feel like for whatever reason...

00:25:54.500 Like that was like drug dealing back then.

00:25:56.220 It was like... 0.79

00:25:56.820 Porn? 0.95

00:25:57.280 Yeah.

00:25:57.820 Somebody always had like...

00:25:59.020 Oh, you know, whenever you buy weed, they're like, oh, this is the best in town.

00:26:01.860 Somebody would always be like, yo, this is the best porn you can find on some

00:26:04.620 random website.

00:26:05.600 Really? 0.72

00:26:05.920 You could go to whitehouse.com and it was porn.

00:26:09.040 Because the whitehouse was like .gov is like the official one. 0.68

00:26:12.160 But like, oh, we got a head nod.

00:26:14.240 See, producers always know that porn life. 0.64

00:26:17.580 Yeah.

00:26:17.740 I was like the oldest trick in the book in like 2001.

00:26:19.960 Dude, but that was so cool because my parents just thought I was doing homework every night.

00:26:22.920 Exactly. 1.00

00:26:23.420 They're like, oh, this motherfucker just loves George Bush. 1.00

00:26:26.040 No, I love beating off to Bush. 1.00

00:26:27.420 What are you talking about?

00:26:28.600 Because you could just go to whitehouse.com and your parents wouldn't associate the two.

00:26:31.540 Wow.

00:26:32.540 See, when I was a child, they didn't have internet. 0.98

00:26:39.260 So you had to fucking get somebody who knew something about some cooter. 0.99

00:26:43.460 You had to fucking have somebody tell you or somebody... 0.99

00:26:46.600 Describe it. 0.99

00:26:47.140 Yeah.

00:26:47.480 Or like you'd lay in the dark at night and one guy, his job was to kind of try and make 0.99

00:26:50.960 the sounds of like a vagina so that other people could enjoy it, you know? 1.00

00:26:55.460 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 0.99

00:26:56.080 Or like your boys...

00:26:57.120 If we're doing a sleepover, you know?

00:26:58.460 Yeah, of course. 0.99

00:26:59.180 Or like one of your boys buries you at the beach and then he puts sand tits on you. 1.00

00:27:02.420 Oh, yeah. 0.99

00:27:03.100 You ever do that?

00:27:03.640 Yeah.

00:27:03.920 Then he put the two seashells over it so it's like scantily clad.

00:27:07.060 Yeah.

00:27:07.340 And then you have a little sand.

00:27:08.760 Like some of the sand just starts to like elevate above your wiener. 0.99

00:27:13.820 Like, damn, brother. 0.99

00:27:15.660 But if you can move earth with your wiener like that, boy, that's positive. 1.00

00:27:18.660 My God, I bet some dad would look over and be like, that's my boy up there.

00:27:21.640 That's the tectonic plates, though.

00:27:23.220 Like, is that the earth just doing there?

00:27:24.580 It's getting bricked up? 0.99

00:27:25.400 Like when there's earthquakes, is that the Lord's fucking bricked? 1.00

00:27:28.140 Yeah, or just creating a vagina or something. 1.00

00:27:30.380 Bumping and grinding? 1.00

00:27:31.500 It's gotta be, huh?

00:27:32.320 So you didn't have internet.

00:27:34.060 I feel like my early on porn days was like Girls Gone Wild. 0.76

00:27:36.740 Like, do you remember those commercials where the girls would have the stars over their nipples? 0.89

00:27:40.940 I don't know what it was.

00:27:42.240 Like, we had all seen it.

00:27:43.160 Yes.

00:27:43.540 It was like, we just needed to know what was behind that star.

00:27:46.760 Like, we knew what a tit looked like, but I'm like, I need to know what those look like.

00:27:50.040 And whatever happened to that guy who created that site, Joe, what's his name?

00:27:54.140 I think he's in jail.

00:27:56.420 Yeah, I heard that.

00:27:57.160 I think he actually did.

00:27:57.680 That or like probably Tucson or something.

00:27:59.880 Yeah, Tucson, which is basically just outdoor jail.

00:28:03.420 It's free play jail.

00:28:04.780 Yeah.

00:28:05.360 It's like no bars jail.

00:28:07.220 Yeah.

00:28:07.500 It's like, you can roam, but do you want to?

00:28:09.960 You just stay at this Chili's all day.

00:28:12.220 Yeah, dude.

00:28:12.520 I used to go to school in Tucson, man.

00:28:15.120 Did you?

00:28:15.700 You went to Dirty T?

00:28:16.740 I went to Santa Rita High School, man, for one semester.

00:28:19.620 And people would always fist fight in the car wash, dog, after school.

00:28:22.580 You box, dog?

00:28:23.420 You box?

00:28:24.100 That is what we did body blows at our school. 0.99

00:28:25.860 Body blows, no face shots.

00:28:27.460 Oh, really? 0.89

00:28:28.140 Yeah, so you could just punch each other in the torso a bunch, but no face. 0.87

00:28:31.060 Oh, it sounds like a really tough gang. 0.74

00:28:32.820 Yeah, dude.

00:28:33.340 That's how we found the leader of our gang.

00:28:35.000 But one time, I ducked down and body blows got hit in the face, and that was on me.

00:28:38.260 You took a body blow in the face?

00:28:39.520 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:28:40.160 That was on me, though.

00:28:40.980 Because I ducked. 1.00

00:28:41.440 Because I was a bitch. 1.00

00:28:42.220 Oh, yeah. 1.00

00:28:43.100 Dude, I'm not tough at all. 0.98

00:28:44.820 No, bitching will really fucking... 1.00

00:28:46.320 If you're a bitch, dude, it'll ruin... 1.00

00:28:48.100 It can really... 1.00

00:28:48.840 It won't ruin...

00:28:49.380 It can make things...

00:28:50.520 It'll be interesting. 0.99

00:28:51.700 Oh, dude, people knew I was a bitch. 1.00

00:28:52.720 I was wearing Heelys. 0.99

00:28:53.020 Really?

00:28:53.420 Yeah, because I'd wear Heelys with no heels.

00:28:55.560 You know? 0.99

00:28:55.800 They'd be like, what are you wearing those dumbass shoes for? 1.00

00:28:57.620 You can't even Heely. 0.99

00:28:58.440 So the wheel on the back, but no wheel in it?

00:29:00.640 Yeah, no wheel.

00:29:01.160 It was just an empty area.

00:29:02.440 I was just like...

00:29:03.380 Anytime somebody was like, you want to go body blows?

00:29:05.240 I'd be like, no.

00:29:06.760 Please, no.

00:29:07.300 I don't want to do this.

00:29:08.200 We can do tech deck together.

00:29:09.560 Yeah, if you say please, no.

00:29:11.120 That's bad, dude.

00:29:13.980 Dude, I remember one time I accidentally...

00:29:16.900 I went to hit a guy in the shoulder and he ducked and I hit his nose and he had a bloody nose. 0.99

00:29:20.720 And then he kept fucking me all day in science. 0.99

00:29:23.820 And then he's like, this Saturday, we're going to fight. 0.99

00:29:25.800 I'm bringing my brother.

00:29:26.800 Meet me there.

00:29:27.760 And I didn't show up because obviously I didn't have an older brother. 0.96

00:29:30.540 I had an older sister with a fat rack. 1.00

00:29:32.760 So I'm like, what the fuck am I supposed to do? 0.99

00:29:35.200 And then on Monday, he's like, yo, you didn't show up. 0.97

00:29:37.000 I'm like, yeah. 0.99

00:29:39.080 Let me just pencil in this ass beating real quick. 1.00

00:29:42.620 Did you fight a lot growing up? 0.99

00:29:45.040 Well, one thing at a time.

00:29:46.120 One thing at a time.

00:29:46.740 Oh, sorry.

00:29:47.140 What are we talking about?

00:29:47.960 Trevor Wallace is here.

00:29:49.220 Oh, yeah.

00:29:49.980 Thank you, man.

00:29:50.940 Dude, thanks for having me.

00:29:52.000 Yeah, it's fun to see you, bro.

00:29:55.600 You're still crushing it on socials.

00:29:57.060 I don't see how you keep doing it.

00:29:58.680 I don't know, man.

00:29:59.620 But you keep doing it.

00:30:00.920 I'm trying to.

00:30:01.820 It's amazing.

00:30:03.300 I want to get.

00:30:04.020 I want to find out about this Joe guy.

00:30:05.320 And then we can.

00:30:05.780 Well, I want to.

00:30:06.600 Oh, the guy from.

00:30:08.120 Yeah.

00:30:08.480 Girls Gone Wild.

00:30:09.400 Yeah.

00:30:09.640 Girls Gone Wild.

00:30:10.400 That checks out.

00:30:11.380 Long story short, he filed for bankruptcy, moved to Mexico and their allegations that some

00:30:15.560 of those girls were underage. 0.95

00:30:16.740 So he's kind of just floating.

00:30:19.020 It seems like.

00:30:19.920 Wow.

00:30:20.380 He looks like that.

00:30:21.340 And he's married to a woman, Abby Wilson.

00:30:23.620 I think they're estranged, according to this article, because there was a there was a big

00:30:27.440 expose on Girls Gone Wild last year, I believe.

00:30:29.900 So since then, there's been an extra heat on it.

00:30:32.120 What does a strange mean?

00:30:34.880 They don't like each other anymore.

00:30:36.320 Oh, yeah.

00:30:37.060 Separated from each other.

00:30:38.500 So because, yeah, remember, that was the.

00:30:40.360 And that was like where kind of they had like the girl.

00:30:42.580 It was almost like we're kind of bang bust started a little bit.

00:30:44.860 Wouldn't they have girls in the van or something sometimes? 1.00

00:30:47.040 And like show your tits and be like, I don't want to, but I will in a minute. 1.00

00:30:50.920 Right. 1.00

00:30:51.200 Right.

00:30:51.340 Right.

00:30:51.540 And then they show me they put the stars over.

00:30:53.400 The stars.

00:30:53.740 The stars.

00:30:54.160 Well, sensible.

00:30:55.040 Yeah.

00:30:55.220 That was like because now TikTok is it's kind of that. 0.98

00:30:57.880 But without the tits, they just brought to a hot girl and be like, what's your body 1.00

00:31:00.920 count? 1.00

00:31:01.320 It's like, fuck all that. 1.00

00:31:02.920 Put the stars on the tits. 1.00

00:31:04.480 How do you pitch that idea? 0.99

00:31:05.660 You got to be coked out as hell to go to your boy and be like, you still got that.

00:31:09.620 You still got that camcorder.

00:31:10.880 I know.

00:31:11.660 I got an idea.

00:31:12.520 I bet they were partying, dude.

00:31:13.860 I've ran into girls who got on this, who were on Girls Gone Wild over the years.

00:31:18.800 Like, yeah, I was on Girls Gone Wild a while back, you know? 0.98

00:31:21.580 They're just smoking out of their neck holes. 0.95

00:31:23.240 Oh, yeah. 1.00

00:31:24.500 They're like, yeah, somebody fucked this hole into my neck. 1.00

00:31:27.760 I would give a lung problem. 1.00

00:31:28.700 They're like, nah, somebody just did sex right into my neck. 0.99

00:31:32.360 I just needed more holes, more ventilation. 1.00

00:31:35.260 Put the drop top in the throat. 0.96

00:31:37.080 Yeah.

00:31:37.600 A convertible right here?

00:31:38.760 Would you put that in there if you could just close it without anybody noticing?

00:31:44.260 Yeah, I think so.

00:31:45.540 Yeah.

00:31:46.040 Might as well.

00:31:46.820 I think the human body should be upgraded.

00:31:48.460 I'm like, I got to pee so much.

00:31:50.060 I'm like, how can I get more storage on my phone but not a bigger bladder?

00:31:52.900 Oh, definitely. 0.98

00:31:53.600 I need at least half a terabyte in one of my legs for this piss. 0.98

00:31:58.260 I also think my brain is at capacity. 0.99

00:32:00.360 Oh, God.

00:32:01.160 Yeah.

00:32:01.520 Because you got to kick out memories from like fourth grade just to learn how to parallel

00:32:07.720 park at some point.

00:32:09.440 But that's vital memories in fourth grade. 0.99

00:32:11.460 You found out like National Geographic had tits in it. 0.99

00:32:13.680 Oh, dude. 0.99

00:32:14.620 When we saw them long, they had a set of long darks in one of those National Geographic 1.00

00:32:19.060 episodes because it was the first time you saw a black tit in the area.

00:32:22.960 Just a tit in general. 0.76

00:32:24.200 Well, yeah. 0.82

00:32:24.640 There wasn't a lot of like, first of all, the porn, when I first saw it, it was very,

00:32:30.400 it was like people, like it was people that had the same kind of haircut, kind of having

00:32:39.080 sex from far away.

00:32:40.560 And there was a lot of music in the background.

00:32:42.380 You couldn't even really hear the people.

00:32:44.060 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:32:44.520 So there was a lot of like, ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba.

00:32:47.080 And you were so horned up, you don't even know if that music was from you or the TV.

00:32:50.100 Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba.

00:32:50.780 It was just, but you knew.

00:32:52.040 Where's that coming from?

00:32:52.980 There was a lot.

00:32:53.580 They did more with the soundtrack back then.

00:32:55.560 Mm-hmm.

00:32:56.080 Like they cared more about the music and the ambiance and went with it.

00:32:59.480 They set the tone.

00:33:00.400 Than like hearing what the people were saying.

00:33:02.440 Yeah.

00:33:03.020 And then it evolved.

00:33:06.700 So you get some of that, but you had, you didn't have your phones.

00:33:09.560 You couldn't just play porn wherever.

00:33:11.080 So if you went outside or left the television or whatever, you were, there was no porn.

00:33:15.260 Yeah.

00:33:15.520 At that point, you had to see somebody that could do some art or you'd have to, you know, we've 0.98

00:33:21.420 talked about it before, but somebody had chiseled a set of tits into like a birch that had been 1.00

00:33:28.740 hit by light and just like half of a tree by us. 0.98

00:33:30.860 Oh, that's correct.

00:33:31.460 And so people would go out there and just cream out to that.

00:33:34.560 And would you like try to like hide the tree like you were to clear your browser history?

00:33:38.820 Like, would you try to like, like undiscover it?

00:33:40.780 Like that way nobody else could see it?

00:33:42.060 Maybe somebody had like leaned a branch or something.

00:33:44.340 Yeah.

00:33:44.360 Just hide it from, you know, cause you don't want to like, you want to gatekeep a little

00:33:47.220 bit.

00:33:47.840 Yeah. 0.98

00:33:48.180 That's my porn. 0.94

00:33:49.280 Yeah. 0.99

00:33:49.580 This is mine.

00:33:50.180 But you'd get back there and you'd, uh, you could tell other people had been back there.

00:33:54.120 There'd be a cigarette or half a can of a beanie weenie or something.

00:33:58.260 Oh yeah.

00:33:58.600 Somebody chiseled.

00:33:59.260 I came here 1993.

00:34:00.820 Somebody just, it was like a heart and it was just like Rick, but it'd be like Rick

00:34:07.180 plus, but also just Rick.

00:34:09.560 Rick plus Rick.

00:34:10.720 Rick plus Rick Dick. 1.00

00:34:13.480 Damn. 1.00

00:34:14.100 Yeah. 0.99

00:34:14.400 Rick's been out here.

00:34:15.040 I feel like when you were younger, you didn't look for porn. 0.96

00:34:16.740 Porn just found you. 1.00

00:34:18.180 Like you wouldn't be looking for, like you just open up a book and you're like, oh damn, 1.00

00:34:21.340 I got tits on page 48. 1.00

00:34:22.900 It blew your, I mean, you would get porn wherever you could. 0.99

00:34:26.000 Like in science, sex ed was such a, like people would dress up.

00:34:30.540 I mean, I were, you know, people would wear their Sunday best, but we're a cologne to

00:34:34.840 sexy, you know, it'd be like, you guys knew when it was.

00:34:37.340 Well, yeah.

00:34:37.940 You knew the year that it was and you were like, God, are we ready? 0.99

00:34:41.580 And I remember people outside of the fucking classroom, like slapping each other in the 0.99

00:34:45.160 cheeks. 0.99

00:34:45.440 You know, it's one guy putting ice on another guy's like neck and back, you know, it was

00:34:49.960 crazy.

00:34:50.620 He threw his neck out when he learned tomorrow. 1.00

00:34:51.820 Sex ed. 1.00

00:34:52.320 Oh, fuck. 1.00

00:34:53.560 Yeah. 1.00

00:34:53.720 Like Mike Brown was his coach.

00:34:54.920 He was like, it was his, like you had a corner man, you know, get in there.

00:34:58.700 We didn't get no, like, like lead up to it. 0.99

00:35:01.580 It was just like, all right, class, get your dicks out. 0.99

00:35:03.800 It's sex ed day. 1.00

00:35:04.700 Like there was no buildup.

00:35:06.100 Like we just learned, like we had no idea.

00:35:08.060 Wow.

00:35:08.660 So they just sprung it on us and then we'd have to play it cool.

00:35:12.420 You know, do you remember the first time that you were attractive to a woman?

00:35:18.560 I do.

00:35:19.280 Or were you always the kid that was like, kind of got the girls some?

00:35:21.860 No, I never, I never really got a lot of women. 0.99

00:35:25.460 I do remember the first time this, like the first girl that came back with a rack after 1.00

00:35:30.720 summer.

00:35:31.160 That was like, God, that was big.

00:35:33.460 That was like when they build a new like Tesla charger station in town.

00:35:36.020 You're like, everybody knew about it.

00:35:37.940 This girl, Jamie, she showed up in sixth grade and she was racked out in like, it was a talk.

00:35:42.020 The teacher was like trying to talk about like long division. 0.99

00:35:44.320 We're like, fuck all this. 0.99

00:35:45.320 Have you seen the C cups? 1.00

00:35:46.600 Yeah. 1.00

00:35:47.080 Fuck all this. 1.00

00:35:47.780 Even the teacher was like, God damn. 1.00

00:35:49.240 Yeah. 1.00

00:35:49.480 Have you seen the square root of them fucking, those fucking lung nuggets? 1.00

00:35:54.380 D squared. 1.00

00:35:55.020 Yeah. 0.99

00:35:55.960 How much can, how big can tits be on a, and I don't want to say on a child because we've 1.00

00:36:01.200 said this kind of stuff before and, but this is what we're looking up.

00:36:04.100 Do you understand what I'm saying?

00:36:07.700 All right.

00:36:08.980 See, this is the problem.

00:36:10.300 Go incognito.

00:36:11.240 Yeah.

00:36:11.420 See, that's what you have to do is, is before you type, you say for a podcast and then colon and

00:36:16.180 then do it.

00:36:17.080 Yeah.

00:36:17.260 This is your internet.

00:36:18.260 What?

00:36:18.520 Yeah.

00:36:18.680 Or just, cause I'm not, I'm not curious and I'll never look anywhere.

00:36:22.580 You're going to open the browser.

00:36:23.800 Just Chris Hansen with two Glocks. 0.81

00:36:26.440 You interviewed him.

00:36:27.340 Yeah.

00:36:27.560 Yeah.

00:36:28.240 Okay.

00:36:28.680 The guy say, yeah, the guy stopped hundreds of pedophiles, man.

00:36:31.820 Yeah.

00:36:31.980 There was an episode where his friend walked in.

00:36:33.840 Uh, yeah. 1.00

00:36:35.120 He's like, Oh fuck. 1.00

00:36:36.240 Is that so-and-so? 1.00

00:36:38.040 That's gotta be tough.

00:36:40.660 Yeah.

00:36:42.680 What happens, Zach?

00:36:43.700 Yeah, I, um, I don't have details on this question yet.

00:36:50.140 What do you get if you put that in?

00:36:52.440 Uh, Texans Children's Hospital breast development questions.

00:36:56.600 Okay.

00:36:59.620 Well, this is kind of like what you said.

00:37:01.300 If you go back one page.

00:37:02.600 Oh, here's a good question. 0.72

00:37:03.540 Why are my breasts big? 0.99

00:37:05.500 First of all, it should be plural, at a young age. 0.98

00:37:08.800 But that's kind of what you had, but with a, with a wiener.

00:37:11.320 That's true.

00:37:11.900 So, that's a good point, actually.

00:37:14.240 So, imagine going to bed one night and you can't lay all the way down because you suddenly 0.99

00:37:18.660 have tits. 1.00

00:37:19.280 That's gotta be crazy for a girl. 1.00

00:37:22.200 You can't, you can't get massaged.

00:37:23.180 You can't do anything.

00:37:23.860 You're just up.

00:37:25.580 You're just always planking.

00:37:26.960 Oh, yeah.

00:37:28.040 That's crazy, dude.

00:37:29.400 My whole life is a plank.

00:37:30.280 Yeah, I don't know, man.

00:37:30.900 Yeah, yeah.

00:37:31.320 Dude, I was a late bloomer.

00:37:32.440 I wanted, uh.

00:37:33.280 Were you really?

00:37:34.060 Yeah.

00:37:34.540 I remember in PE, everybody had like deodorant and like armpit hair.

00:37:37.720 Oh, yeah.

00:37:38.100 Dude, so I had this like giant stuffed animal in my room.

00:37:40.680 I probably made love to it.

00:37:41.940 Definitely made love to it.

00:37:42.840 And I used to cut the hair off it and put it in my armpit because I wanted armpit hair

00:37:45.740 that bad.

00:37:46.280 Just see what it looked like.

00:37:47.460 Oh, yeah.

00:37:48.480 Yeah.

00:37:48.840 And it.

00:37:49.160 What color was it?

00:37:49.720 It was black.

00:37:50.520 So, it didn't match any of my ginger tones at all.

00:37:52.540 But I'd put water on my armpit and then I'd put it in there and I'd look in the mirror

00:37:55.140 and be like, dude, this is, this could be me one day.

00:37:58.020 Yeah.

00:37:58.260 And I still do that to this day.

00:38:00.140 I love that.

00:38:00.980 It's amazing.

00:38:02.400 Yeah.

00:38:02.860 You weren't a late bloomer?

00:38:04.040 If you had implants, armpit hair, armpit hair.

00:38:07.100 If you had armpit hair, implants.

00:38:08.580 Oh, dude, I was just putting Rogaine on every morning.

00:38:10.400 Is that Old Spice?

00:38:11.120 No, it's Rogaine.

00:38:12.480 Dude, I distinctly remember, like you said, when you went to PE and somebody had deodorant

00:38:16.660 for the first time.

00:38:17.340 That was a kid.

00:38:18.160 It blew your mind.

00:38:18.920 You're like, oh, now we have to get deodorant.

00:38:21.200 Yeah.

00:38:21.600 This is where I learned, like, okay, yeah, I use deodorant.

00:38:24.900 Like, what do you use?

00:38:26.020 You know, when you start, you would name, like, dish soap or something.

00:38:32.620 You would name it the wrong thing.

00:38:33.760 Yeah, yeah, exactly.

00:38:34.360 Yeah.

00:38:34.760 Yeah, I remember just, I wanted to.

00:38:36.500 Yeah, like Reebok.

00:38:37.400 What do you guys use, Reebok?

00:38:38.720 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:38:39.280 What do you, Roland, is that ax?

00:38:40.700 Yeah, no, I use a machete.

00:38:42.040 Every day, I saw somebody doing that.

00:38:45.000 Like, I remember the first day I had armpit sweat, I was excited.

00:38:47.400 I was like, this is puberty.

00:38:48.940 It's knocking.

00:38:50.140 You know?

00:38:50.440 I remember when I had, like, a little, like, blonde mustache.

00:38:53.640 Yeah. 1.00

00:38:54.860 I was, I'm not shaving this shit. 1.00

00:38:56.820 I'd rather look like I sell used taquitos with this mustache. 1.00

00:38:59.680 Oh, yeah, dude.

00:39:00.340 Oh, especially on a guy like, I think red-headed guys are guys that lean Auburn or gin. 0.96

00:39:06.340 Yeah, lean more red.

00:39:07.320 Or gangers, they call them. 0.96

00:39:10.720 They are, you guys are almost adopted into the black community. 0.89

00:39:16.620 I feel like you guys are. 1.00

00:39:17.880 We do get shit on a lot. 0.99

00:39:18.980 No, no, a lot of, like, Wiggas, as they say, which is a popular term from the past 100 or 150 years. 0.99

00:39:25.720 It, it, you guys are often, they're often gingers or gangers.

00:39:30.480 Yeah, I do feel that.

00:39:32.360 I do.

00:39:32.640 Yeah, my first job, I was the only white guy there.

00:39:34.560 When I first moved to LA, it was, like, 80 black dudes and me.

00:39:37.580 And it was one of the best jobs of my life.

00:39:39.720 They respect you guys a lot more, I think.

00:39:42.180 Let's pull up Wiggas and see what they've been doing, if you don't mind.

00:39:45.540 Let's see, like, where they are.

00:39:47.720 Pulled their S-Corp.

00:39:48.560 What have they been doing?

00:39:49.580 Been selling whippets? 0.96

00:39:50.640 And just put, click on images and let's see who we get.

00:39:53.200 Yeah, that's, what is, and this is where the Girls Gone Wild guys should be.

00:39:58.180 Is that Hollywood Wiggas?

00:40:00.280 What is that?

00:40:01.120 Wait a sec.

00:40:03.520 Yeah, that sounds like.

00:40:05.020 That's Adam Devine, isn't it?

00:40:06.300 It does look like him.

00:40:09.480 San Diego does have a high breed of this type of person, I think.

00:40:11.760 Now, there you go.

00:40:13.500 Where do you think spawns this person?

00:40:15.060 What city comes to mind when you think of this?

00:40:16.540 I think of Little Rock.

00:40:17.920 Oh, yes.

00:40:19.000 Little Rock, something about that.

00:40:21.420 Yeah, my friend Justin is from Arkansas, and he likes to gun down them gobblers over there, 1.00

00:40:26.500 but he said that there is a lot of Wigg-esque behavior.

00:40:31.420 So what are these charts that are also on here?

00:40:34.440 This has nothing to do with the white guy with the orange Camaro.

00:40:37.460 Let's go to this diagram.

00:40:38.440 I guess there's a popular diagram called the Wiggers Diagram.

00:40:42.140 Well, what is that?

00:40:43.080 It's a standard diagram using cardiac physiologically named after Dr. Carl J. Wiggers.

00:40:48.280 Dude, come back.

00:40:50.140 Carl J?

00:40:51.640 Dude, you got to go by just Carl J at that point.

00:40:53.820 So people are going to learn about this in school?

00:40:57.120 I mean, dude, our chart looked way different.

00:41:00.060 It was a ginger dude, and it cross-sectioned with a UNC basketball jersey.

00:41:05.120 And he had a yo-yo and a vape for some reason.

00:41:08.040 That'd be so funny if you opened up that page.

00:41:10.420 And he drove a Honda Civic, dude, which was the number one car.

00:41:13.980 But he chipped off the word Civic and put BMW logos on there.

00:41:17.780 There's nothing better than that.

00:41:18.880 When somebody takes the Chrysler 300 and puts a Bentley logo on it,

00:41:21.660 those people come off insane, but I respect it.

00:41:24.420 Oh, I respect that, too.

00:41:25.940 Because that's all the car is sometimes is just an extra emblem, you know?

00:41:28.940 Yeah, 100%.

00:41:29.840 What was your first car?

00:41:31.600 My first car was a 1984 Ford Escort, and I paid cash for it.

00:41:35.680 Somebody stole the passenger seat.

00:41:39.460 They just didn't want you in that carpool lane or what?

00:41:42.040 I don't know what the issue was.

00:41:44.080 I just remember picking people up, and they had to get in, and there was no order for me to sit.

00:41:48.060 It was like a bus.

00:41:49.060 You were in the bus.

00:41:49.760 You were the bus driver up front, and the people had to walk past you.

00:41:51.620 Did they pay you a fare?

00:41:52.700 They were like, all aboard.

00:41:54.500 Just one seat in the back.

00:41:55.760 Just one lady? 1.00

00:41:57.840 You're like, oh, just get right there.

00:42:00.480 But so I want to talk more about that. 1.00

00:42:02.760 Yeah, whenever you hit Purbity, man, that shit was wild. 0.99

00:42:05.220 I remember. 0.99

00:42:06.880 It feels like you ever put a Mentos in a Diet Pepsi or Diet Coke?

00:42:12.700 Yeah.

00:42:13.300 And it starts to bubble up at first?

00:42:14.920 That's what it feels like your body's doing.

00:42:16.140 It's starting to bubble up at first.

00:42:18.400 I think I remembered.

00:42:20.420 I'm trying to think if I remember getting body hair.

00:42:22.420 Maybe a little on my chest, like in the crack of my chest.

00:42:25.440 Yeah, I got a few of those.

00:42:27.280 Oh, right here you get that happy trail.

00:42:29.180 And that's crazy.

00:42:29.700 You want to keep it.

00:42:31.020 You can't wait to go to the pool and take your shirt off.

00:42:34.320 Yeah, dude.

00:42:35.080 Some people even put a little barrette.

00:42:36.740 A lot of the brothers would put a little barrette on it.

00:42:40.100 Little bow tie down there.

00:42:41.480 Yeah, just something small.

00:42:42.600 Nothing crazy.

00:42:43.500 Yeah, exactly.

00:42:44.360 You know, just something chill, something to flex a little.

00:42:47.360 I grew up in kind of like a white and urban area, so you'd have.

00:42:50.480 Dude, I remember they had a handicapped dude, a black dude, 0.98

00:42:53.700 and his legs didn't work, and they had braided his fucking legs around each other. 0.99

00:43:01.640 Yeah, you should. 0.99

00:43:02.600 Yeah.

00:43:03.020 Yeah, you know, that's what I would do.

00:43:04.540 Or I'd put underglow on them.

00:43:06.660 Oh, really?

00:43:07.940 Like on the bottom so they shine a little?

00:43:09.980 Personally, yeah.

00:43:10.760 Because then it looks like the Lord's carrying me, you know?

00:43:12.980 You're right?

00:43:13.700 I've never seen a wheelchair with underglow.

00:43:16.480 But if your legs had it, wouldn't you be like, oh, he's not walking because he can float?

00:43:21.320 I don't know, man.

00:43:22.140 I saw a car with underglow recently driving from the IE, the Inland Empire, and it brought me back.

00:43:27.180 God, it's beautiful.

00:43:27.700 Like the spinners era. 0.96

00:43:29.440 I think they should have pimped my wheelchair, and that's just me trying to help out.

00:43:33.820 Them spree wells.

00:43:34.800 Yeah, well, you'll see sometimes there's a lot of dudes who are in wheelchairs.

00:43:37.960 They'll do that dolphin where they kind of pull up and just let the wheels spin.

00:43:41.120 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:43:42.060 Those dudes know what they're doing.

00:43:43.120 But if I spent my life in a wheelchair, I'd get bored after a while.

00:43:46.320 I'd definitely want to.

00:43:47.220 You think?

00:43:47.840 I think so.

00:43:48.540 I'd definitely want to learn the tricks.

00:43:50.420 Sometimes I'll pretend like this, even if I'm at a dinner or something, or I've been at a table for a while, and people don't, you know, I'll kind of do this, you know?

00:44:00.020 Looks like you're about to start a bobsled.

00:44:01.780 Yeah, just for fun.

00:44:03.160 Yeah, just to let people know that you could be if you needed to.

00:44:06.540 But, yeah, I think I'm trying to remember to what that was like.

00:44:08.800 Like, it's crazy that, like, puberty happens to your body, and you don't even, you're not, like, documenting every day.

00:44:16.040 It's like, it's, because it's unreal.

00:44:18.140 Yeah, it feels like you're just waiting in line, and eventually it's like the Lord being like, you better get some pubes.

00:44:22.940 But it's a slow process.

00:44:24.480 It's not like you walk up to the front door and they stamp your puberty card.

00:44:27.780 It's like a slow little bit of this, a little bit of that.

00:44:30.180 But the voice cracks, if, when your voice cracked in class, I mean, that was one of the worst days of my life.

00:44:36.020 Especially late.

00:44:36.880 Oh, yeah. 1.00

00:44:37.340 Yeah, when I was at 17, you're getting your ass beat at noon, for sure. 1.00

00:44:41.560 Yeah. 1.00

00:44:42.480 It's crazy. 0.99

00:44:43.940 Yeah, that man would start to fucking break out of you. 0.98

00:44:46.140 It's almost like the Incredible Hulk when he breaks through his own clothing. 0.99

00:44:49.120 It's like when snakes shed a little bit, but it's just, the manliness is coming out. 0.99

00:44:53.440 Yeah, you'd be like, can we go get some, I'm trying to fuck, you know? 0.99

00:44:56.920 Just like, whoa, whoa, what happened? 0.99

00:45:00.200 And then you're trying to do that voice again, but you can't do it.

00:45:02.520 You're trying to get back to here.

00:45:03.880 Yeah, you couldn't do it.

00:45:04.780 You're trying to get back, you could never do it.

00:45:06.960 Dude, remember coming to school and one kid had like, just gone way past puberty, like he was like seven.

00:45:12.480 Dude, he had like arthritis, I'm like, you missed like 19 stages.

00:45:16.080 He had a beard.

00:45:17.120 Yeah, he had a beard, and that kid always had to buy a beard then.

00:45:19.240 Dude, there was a guy, his name was Chuck, and he had a full facial hair in ninth grade, and he was dating an eighth grader.

00:45:25.620 And he, this is a hilarious story, and if you're from my hometown, you know the story. 0.61

00:45:29.680 He was dating this chick, and they did anal, and she had to miss school the next day. 1.00

00:45:34.900 No way. 0.99

00:45:35.600 Yeah, this is ninth grade, bro. 0.99

00:45:36.800 I'd barely even seen one of my cocks. 0.93

00:45:38.740 Like, I was so nervous. 0.88

00:45:40.460 So people must have been freaking out, right?

00:45:42.140 Dude, this guy was like Dan Bilzerian of ninth grade.

00:45:44.380 Dude, I was looking at him like, tell me your secrets.

00:45:46.360 Oh, and he used to not wear boxers. 1.00

00:45:48.160 He'd wear just denim, just denim on dick. 0.99

00:45:50.760 No boxers. 1.00

00:45:51.900 Raw dogging it.

00:45:52.940 Raw dogging that denim, dude.

00:45:54.400 It was crazy.

00:45:55.740 But the girl literally had to miss school the next day because she couldn't walk. 1.00

00:45:58.640 No.

00:45:59.480 And he works at a restaurant now, but.

00:46:02.060 Yeah, he does.

00:46:03.060 Yeah, he's serving it up.

00:46:05.020 But.

00:46:05.220 Wow.

00:46:05.780 That, like, that guy was so many levels ahead of puberty than I was.

00:46:10.040 Yeah.

00:46:10.320 It was crazy.

00:46:11.560 Oh, when you heard about the first guy that had sex, kind of like. 0.69

00:46:14.940 Like, I remember we came back from seventh grade and some kid had had sex, apparently, 0.51

00:46:19.820 like on a pool chair or something.

00:46:21.320 Yeah, it was always outside.

00:46:22.400 And people were losing their mind.

00:46:25.200 People didn't know what to do.

00:46:26.440 People were, like, trying to, like, install a pool at the school.

00:46:30.000 Like, people had.

00:46:31.280 Sign my beach ball.

00:46:32.460 Like, everything.

00:46:33.500 Yeah, people just bananas because they just. 0.77

00:46:35.860 It's like you want to get as close to you can as you can to sex, you know.

00:46:39.660 What was, like, the first person that went to the moon, everybody was just, like, tell

00:46:42.180 me how you did it.

00:46:42.960 What was it like in there?

00:46:43.980 Like, could you really, like, bounce around?

00:46:46.140 Did you feel like yourself?

00:46:47.640 Well, I met the guy that did it, man.

00:46:49.900 The green screen?

00:46:51.700 Buzz Aldrin.

00:46:52.520 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:46:53.140 You met him?

00:46:53.640 Yeah.

00:46:54.100 Wow.

00:46:54.620 What did he say it was like?

00:46:57.740 Do you think it was real?

00:46:58.920 Oh, well, I'll tell you this, man.

00:46:59.860 If I went out, I remember this.

00:47:01.040 When I looked at him, it didn't seem like he'd been to the moon.

00:47:06.560 What gave it away?

00:47:08.320 Just something. 0.99

00:47:09.660 He was describing it like a 12-year-old talking about tits. 0.98

00:47:12.760 Yeah, it was pretty cool. 0.99

00:47:13.780 It was bouncy.

00:47:14.940 You know, they were bigger than I thought.

00:47:17.280 Yeah.

00:47:17.580 But I could handle it.

00:47:19.720 You didn't see it in his eyes?

00:47:21.760 Yeah, they're just something.

00:47:23.360 He just, I don't know.

00:47:25.880 You know what I'm saying?

00:47:26.720 If I met somebody who'd been to the Galaxia or whatever, I would know.

00:47:33.800 Right.

00:47:34.280 Well, it's like somebody, like, if I told you I've been to jail, you would look at my body

00:47:37.180 and be like, you have not.

00:47:38.420 Right.

00:47:38.780 You have picked up a friend from juvie, but that is the most.

00:47:41.300 But there's something about, like, an energy.

00:47:43.040 So I see what you're saying.

00:47:44.040 Yeah.

00:47:44.220 Maybe you Zoomed with, like, a PO or something.

00:47:48.440 Yeah, exactly.

00:47:48.840 But you haven't been, you haven't done any time.

00:47:50.160 Shook a man's hand who's the data guy. 0.97

00:47:52.000 So that was a thing for me.

00:47:53.260 And I'm not discrediting the space program or NASA, but that's just what I thought.

00:47:57.500 My grandpa used to work for NASA.

00:47:58.900 Nuh-uh.

00:47:59.180 Yeah, he was a veteran and worked for NASA.

00:48:01.440 Really?

00:48:01.640 He was, like, the manliest guy.

00:48:02.780 Like, he always wore the same outfit every day.

00:48:04.880 He was jacked at, like, 65, worked for NASA, and fought in war.

00:48:09.440 That's crazy. 1.00

00:48:10.020 I'm a fucking TikToker. 1.00

00:48:11.060 Like, what? 0.99

00:48:11.580 Like, this guy has lived a legacy.

00:48:13.440 Yeah.

00:48:14.200 One time I saw him eat an orange with a peel on, like an apple.

00:48:17.780 And the thing he said after was, like, the most badass thing.

00:48:20.440 He was, like, when you're in the war, you have an option.

00:48:23.520 You can either, like, peel your orange and, you know, take your eye off what's going on,

00:48:27.640 or you can risk it in your face peeled by a caliber.

00:48:30.340 I'd never heard something so cool in my life.

00:48:32.200 Wow.

00:48:32.800 Yeah, it was really cool.

00:48:33.480 He was a great man.

00:48:34.800 Was he?

00:48:35.280 Yeah.

00:48:35.620 And, like, if I, like, ever disrespected my mom, he, like, my mom had, like, a bodyguard.

00:48:40.080 If I ever disrespected my mom or said something like, 0.99

00:48:41.900 I don't want to eat the fucking frozen peas. 1.00

00:48:43.560 He'd taste like shit. 1.00

00:48:44.660 He'd be, like, he'd always put something down, right? 1.00

00:48:47.420 Oh.

00:48:48.040 And then be, like, don't you treat my daughter that way?

00:48:51.600 And I could just, he wouldn't hit me, but mentally he did.

00:48:54.340 Yeah.

00:48:55.060 He was the manliest man I knew. 1.00

00:48:56.660 Fuck, that's amazing, man. 1.00

00:48:57.640 What was his name? 1.00

00:48:58.360 Bert.

00:48:58.760 Bert.

00:48:59.160 That's a good name.

00:48:59.940 Yeah.

00:49:00.440 No, he was awesome.

00:49:01.840 Wow, man.

00:49:02.480 That's really neat, dude.

00:49:04.200 And how did he pass away?

00:49:06.320 Sage.

00:49:07.020 Oh, Bert.

00:49:08.440 Yeah.

00:49:09.380 Yeah, yeah.

00:49:09.920 Super cool, man.

00:49:11.000 And he fought in the war, so he would, uh, 1.00

00:49:12.940 he would always say crazy shit in the car. 0.99

00:49:16.240 And I was too young and noticed at the time, 0.99

00:49:17.940 but my mom would always be like, 0.98

00:49:18.720 you can't, you can't say that anymore.

00:49:20.200 You could, that's, you shouldn't be saying that anymore.

00:49:22.380 I should be sitting in the bag.

00:49:23.200 It was like a live Jerry Springer.

00:49:24.420 It was awesome.

00:49:25.100 Yeah.

00:49:25.880 Well, yeah.

00:49:26.340 Like, I remember watching football, yeah,

00:49:28.020 with my grandfather and he'd been in one of the wars

00:49:29.900 and the guy would like, they'd be like,

00:49:31.060 the guy ran a slant or whatever.

00:49:32.580 And he'd be like, if a slant runs by here, 1.00

00:49:34.840 they'll fucking know what's going on. 1.00

00:49:36.520 Like, he would say crazy shit. 1.00

00:49:38.160 I'm like, whoa, dude, that's not. 0.99

00:49:40.380 You know, you just, anybody that kind of fought in the war,

00:49:43.480 I try to make a joke about that on stage sometimes.

00:49:45.560 Like, anybody that fought in the war,

00:49:47.160 like, you're just like kind of okay with them

00:49:48.720 being like slightly a little, uh, prejudiced or something.

00:49:52.540 You might be like, you're just like, ah, they're in the war.

00:49:55.360 They fought for the country, you know?

00:49:57.160 But if they didn't, like, if they didn't fight a war 0.99

00:49:58.740 and they said the same shit, you'd be like, yo, 1.00

00:50:00.100 fucking pull that man's life alert. 1.00

00:50:01.580 That's fucked up. 1.00

00:50:02.740 But if you notice how to use a bayonet, 0.99

00:50:03.980 you're like, yeah, you're all right.

00:50:05.620 Like, literally, you know,

00:50:08.260 this is between him and the Lord right now.

00:50:10.760 Don't intercept what he's trying to think.

00:50:12.220 I don't know.

00:50:13.120 Dude, it is kind of crazy how, like,

00:50:16.540 like, people that, like, serve the country

00:50:18.420 and help protect the country

00:50:20.160 and, like, establish the borders

00:50:21.660 and, like, um, they kind of throw them

00:50:26.520 by the wayside as they get older

00:50:28.220 because, like, they're, like,

00:50:30.580 here's what I'm saying is,

00:50:32.020 it's interesting how, like,

00:50:33.320 like, our parents might have, like,

00:50:35.400 different views than, like,

00:50:36.680 probably a lot of younger generation has, right?

00:50:39.540 Probably a lot of more old-fashioned views.

00:50:41.480 But their parents, like,

00:50:43.420 went off to war to, like,

00:50:45.000 protect, like, the free,

00:50:46.640 the safety of the nation

00:50:48.260 and stuff like that.

00:50:49.140 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:50:49.400 So when they're, like,

00:50:50.220 pissed off about the border,

00:50:52.340 it's like,

00:50:53.440 you kind of have to respect

00:50:54.780 where they're coming from

00:50:55.540 if they had a parent that died somewhere

00:50:57.820 defending the border,

00:50:59.420 you know what I'm saying?

00:50:59.900 Or, like, establishing the land of America.

00:51:02.560 It's like, that,

00:51:03.320 a lot of times that stuff gets so, like,

00:51:05.760 not even factored into the way

00:51:07.460 that people behave.

00:51:08.540 Like, yeah,

00:51:09.500 I could understand if,

00:51:11.380 like, my mom

00:51:13.460 feels certain ways about, like,

00:51:16.080 protecting, like,

00:51:17.540 the freedoms of America

00:51:18.640 and, like, defending our border

00:51:20.820 and, like, looking out for America first.

00:51:22.760 If she had a grandfather

00:51:24.580 or a father that was gone 1.00

00:51:26.780 for fucking eight months 0.99

00:51:28.480 or a year out of her life 0.99

00:51:30.400 because he was out defending it

00:51:31.620 or whatever.

00:51:31.980 The problem is

00:51:32.440 when there's the disconnect

00:51:33.420 when, after generations,

00:51:36.040 it fades away.

00:51:37.340 You know,

00:51:37.640 if your dad was that guy,

00:51:39.320 then it's very strong to you.

00:51:40.340 And now when you have the child,

00:51:41.660 it's like,

00:51:42.300 it gets less and less.

00:51:43.640 And now it's like,

00:51:44.380 I hear about the war

00:51:45.360 and I'm like,

00:51:46.080 yeah, but, like,

00:51:46.600 what about the TikTok algorithm?

00:51:48.360 Like, that's the war I'm fighting.

00:51:49.800 Yeah, what about war?

00:51:50.480 Yeah, Minecraft.

00:51:51.640 Exactly.

00:51:52.380 Yeah, somebody who's, like,

00:51:53.180 a better gamer now

00:51:54.460 is, like, better than, like,

00:51:55.940 who was that general

00:51:58.140 during, like, Iraq

00:51:59.100 or something that was,

00:52:00.820 Colin Powell.

00:52:01.720 David Petraeus.

00:52:02.100 Or Petraeus, yeah.

00:52:03.600 David Petraeus.

00:52:04.760 Petraeus now is, like,

00:52:06.120 is, like, the same as, like,

00:52:07.260 some, who's, like,

00:52:07.820 one of the best gamers right now?

00:52:10.780 I know Ninja was big

00:52:12.040 or, like, all the FaZe Clan dudes.

00:52:13.680 Like Shinobi or somebody.

00:52:15.380 Yeah.

00:52:15.620 Or whoever.

00:52:16.680 Wolfgang, you know.

00:52:17.800 Whatever.

00:52:18.280 Yeah.

00:52:18.580 It's that disconnect

00:52:19.340 where it's, like,

00:52:20.060 it's, well, I mean,

00:52:21.320 it's, like, now it's, like,

00:52:22.080 I've done a lot of, like,

00:52:23.320 college shows

00:52:24.120 and 80% of the audience

00:52:27.000 wasn't alive for 9-11.

00:52:28.620 And it's, like,

00:52:29.660 you say 9-11 to them

00:52:30.980 and it's just, like,

00:52:31.780 a date to them.

00:52:32.600 And it, like, blows my mind.

00:52:33.600 But it's, like,

00:52:34.120 yeah, that was me learning

00:52:35.100 about World War II.

00:52:36.100 I don't, I don't know.

00:52:37.460 I was in a nutsack somewhere.

00:52:39.520 Balled up.

00:52:40.220 Yeah.

00:52:40.600 Waiting for my draft.

00:52:41.800 Yeah.

00:52:43.080 So,

00:52:43.960 it's just a time thing,

00:52:45.100 I think.

00:52:45.360 But it is bizarre.

00:52:47.200 Well, it's crazy, too,

00:52:47.880 how we just don't even, like,

00:52:48.980 reflect.

00:52:49.360 Yeah.

00:52:49.580 It is wild how much things change

00:52:51.780 and then how, like,

00:52:53.600 we kind of don't take into account

00:52:55.360 what other people,

00:52:56.880 like, what their generation was like,

00:52:58.420 you know?

00:52:58.720 Correct.

00:52:59.120 It's almost like you're,

00:53:00.040 they're suddenly, like,

00:53:00.820 wrong just because they're getting older

00:53:02.540 or because, like,

00:53:04.860 times have kind of changed,

00:53:06.080 you know?

00:53:07.400 Yeah.

00:53:07.640 But anyway,

00:53:09.660 what else can we talk about 0.96

00:53:10.640 that's a little more fucking normal, dude? 0.97

00:53:12.560 What else is going on in the news, Zach? 0.97

00:53:14.100 A lot of stuff, huh?

00:53:16.680 Yeah, we got a couple stories here.

00:53:18.300 I guess a former bodyguard

00:53:19.320 is launching a ride-sharing app

00:53:20.680 where the drivers will be armed with guns.

00:53:22.680 Oh, I heard about this in Atlanta, right?

00:53:25.760 Yeah, yeah.

00:53:27.160 I would use that,

00:53:28.180 but I would go to a place

00:53:28.900 where you wouldn't need bodyguard

00:53:30.040 just to feel cool.

00:53:31.500 It's called Black Wolf.

00:53:32.640 Black Wolf.

00:53:33.480 Wow.

00:53:33.780 An app designed to rival Uber and Lyft

00:53:36.000 recently launched in Atlanta

00:53:37.140 and is about to drop in New York.

00:53:39.520 Kerry King-Brown revealed

00:53:40.760 he created the app

00:53:41.460 as a necessary evil

00:53:42.600 who are mostly on the news

00:53:44.380 getting robbed, 0.98

00:53:45.080 getting raped, 0.97

00:53:45.700 the average person. 0.99

00:53:48.000 Well, yeah,

00:53:48.580 who else is it going to be?

00:53:50.580 Senators?

00:53:51.260 Yeah.

00:53:51.760 You could take down a senator

00:53:52.780 pretty easy, though.

00:53:54.120 But who else is going to be?

00:53:55.000 Animals or something?

00:53:56.000 Like, who else?

00:53:57.040 Yeah, that is interesting.

00:53:58.660 Like, where would you take this?

00:54:00.060 Like, what's something

00:54:00.600 you'd be going to?

00:54:01.620 Like, if I was going to,

00:54:02.140 like, a Kid Rock con...

00:54:03.140 Yep.

00:54:04.300 Yeah.

00:54:05.720 I mean,

00:54:06.280 easily Memphis, dude.

00:54:08.560 Shout out Memphis. 1.00

00:54:09.500 A Raiders game?

00:54:10.540 Raiders game.

00:54:11.500 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:54:12.520 Yeah, I think that...

00:54:13.900 I think maybe, like,

00:54:15.940 a Kid Rock cover band concert.

00:54:18.040 Oh, yeah.

00:54:19.140 You know?

00:54:20.040 Yeah, I could possibly

00:54:20.820 see it needed for that, too.

00:54:22.800 So what happens?

00:54:23.640 They just send you

00:54:24.160 with a driver with a gun?

00:54:25.480 Because I think

00:54:26.020 most Uber drivers,

00:54:27.240 if you go to, like, Sacramento,

00:54:28.940 probably just have a gun on them.

00:54:30.660 Yeah.

00:54:30.900 It seems like the drivers

00:54:32.600 are specially trained.

00:54:33.680 Like, they mentioned

00:54:34.240 one of the drivers

00:54:35.020 is a private investigator

00:54:35.980 and previously worked

00:54:36.960 as a bodyguard.

00:54:37.700 So it's not just

00:54:38.340 they have the gun.

00:54:39.240 It's like they're

00:54:39.600 professionally trained protectors.

00:54:42.060 Okay, got it.

00:54:42.740 So what I'm creating

00:54:43.280 is a necessary evil.

00:54:44.360 It's a necessity.

00:54:45.220 It says,

00:54:46.060 Brown is no ordinary driver 0.99

00:54:48.340 and he's no regular man

00:54:49.260 with a plan.

00:54:50.320 He is a private investigator

00:54:51.320 and has worked as a bodyguard

00:54:52.400 for celebrities and politicians.

00:54:53.780 He wants to share

00:54:54.280 his own brand

00:54:54.820 of executive protection

00:54:55.980 with the world.

00:54:56.960 So this is one of those things

00:54:58.040 I think you're starting to see

00:54:59.020 like, you know,

00:55:00.240 like, there's too many

00:55:01.820 insanely rich people

00:55:04.060 out there, I think.

00:55:04.800 Yeah.

00:55:05.220 You know, like.

00:55:05.920 Walking around.

00:55:06.420 Right.

00:55:06.600 I think there should be a cap

00:55:07.680 on how much money

00:55:08.380 that you can make.

00:55:10.240 Then what?

00:55:11.400 You lose it

00:55:12.120 and get back up?

00:55:12.900 Like, if you overshoot in 21?

00:55:14.800 Oh, yeah.

00:55:15.380 That's a good call.

00:55:16.820 No, but here's what happens.

00:55:17.960 I think they then, like,

00:55:19.080 the town or wherever you're from

00:55:20.980 lets you get something

00:55:22.260 like named after you.

00:55:23.420 Like, there's some, like,

00:55:24.760 there's some value

00:55:25.700 that's given to you

00:55:26.620 because of the way

00:55:28.240 you're creating stuff

00:55:29.180 or you have to give more

00:55:30.300 to your employees.

00:55:31.420 Like, I don't know,

00:55:32.140 something like.

00:55:33.880 But I think part of it is

00:55:35.060 like you're just starting

00:55:35.620 to see like a lot

00:55:36.300 of rich people

00:55:37.160 are probably getting scared

00:55:38.600 of people that are like

00:55:39.720 shooting at them.

00:55:40.880 What do you think?

00:55:42.660 I mean, yeah,

00:55:43.360 that's a huge problem

00:55:44.140 here in L.A.

00:55:44.740 Like, rich people

00:55:45.260 are getting robbed

00:55:45.760 all the time.

00:55:46.540 Oh, yeah.

00:55:47.160 Like a Rolex on Rodeo

00:55:48.820 and someone runs up

00:55:49.560 and grabs it.

00:55:50.340 Yeah, that's what people

00:55:51.000 are going to get this.

00:55:51.740 It's not going to be.

00:55:52.240 He says it's for regular people,

00:55:53.660 but what regular person

00:55:54.360 is going to get that?

00:55:55.700 Yeah, unless they're

00:55:56.600 going to prom or something.

00:55:57.540 They don't want somebody

00:55:58.080 else hitting on their chick

00:55:59.500 or something.

00:56:00.620 Yeah, I don't know when.

00:56:03.160 I don't even know

00:56:03.940 when I would like use that.

00:56:05.820 Like when I would feel like, 0.99

00:56:06.940 oh, fuck, you know, 1.00

00:56:07.860 maybe Black Friday 1.00

00:56:08.660 will show up to Walmart.

00:56:10.400 People be shooting

00:56:10.920 over flat screens,

00:56:12.240 shooting over an air fryer.

00:56:14.360 Yeah.

00:56:14.660 So maybe I pull up

00:56:15.360 with that there.

00:56:17.180 Yeah, I think it's just,

00:56:18.020 well, it's going to become,

00:56:18.820 first of all,

00:56:19.140 it's going to become

00:56:19.940 a niche thing

00:56:21.000 that rich people

00:56:21.700 are going to do.

00:56:22.840 Yeah.

00:56:22.940 So rich people

00:56:23.720 who have a ton

00:56:24.640 of extra expendable income,

00:56:26.500 they just want to spend it

00:56:27.580 any way they can

00:56:28.160 to look even richer.

00:56:29.220 If you could hire somebody

00:56:30.040 to be with you at all times,

00:56:31.080 who would it be?

00:56:31.480 Would it be like a bodyguard,

00:56:32.460 an escort,

00:56:33.500 maybe like somebody

00:56:35.200 who knows a lot

00:56:35.640 about like zoo animals?

00:56:37.320 What do you think it would be?

00:56:39.700 Ooh, that's a good question.

00:56:41.860 I would think,

00:56:42.300 I would think like a middle,

00:56:43.100 like somebody,

00:56:44.360 like a really buff mom,

00:56:45.600 I think. 1.00

00:56:46.660 Oh, I'd hire like a total wigger 1.00

00:56:48.440 to hang out with me all day. 0.99

00:56:50.500 Like my boy,

00:56:51.300 Brian Purvis

00:56:52.020 that I grew up with, dog.

00:56:53.840 Who's Brian Purvis?

00:56:54.900 RIP, man.

00:56:55.600 Oh, what happened?

00:56:56.380 No, he's not dead,

00:56:57.140 but he is in jail

00:56:59.500 for so long

00:57:00.260 that it's like,

00:57:00.940 he might as well be.

00:57:02.120 That is interesting.

00:57:03.620 Nobody on the outside

00:57:04.280 is going to get to know him,

00:57:05.440 you know?

00:57:05.780 That is wild.

00:57:06.420 If you're in jail for life,

00:57:07.420 you kind of are RIP.

00:57:08.480 That's him?

00:57:09.020 Yeah.

00:57:09.780 Oh, wow.

00:57:10.380 He got the,

00:57:11.060 see, if that guy told me

00:57:12.380 he's been to the moon,

00:57:13.460 I wouldn't believe him,

00:57:14.580 but I would buy Molly off him.

00:57:15.840 Yeah.

00:57:16.300 He's got the,

00:57:16.780 I got that good Molly on him.

00:57:18.120 He got those moon rocks, yeah.

00:57:19.620 Oh, so what happened?

00:57:21.240 Um.

00:57:21.860 Attempted murder.

00:57:22.660 I could just,

00:57:23.280 I would like to hang out

00:57:24.100 with him, bro,

00:57:24.900 or just like some real,

00:57:26.380 like,

00:57:26.880 just some dude that's real,

00:57:28.960 like as real as it can get.

00:57:30.220 Like he's always rubbing

00:57:30.840 his hands?

00:57:32.000 Yeah, some dude

00:57:32.560 that's as real as he can get,

00:57:33.740 bro, some dude that,

00:57:35.060 uh.

00:57:35.180 He can just smell it.

00:57:35.660 He has to move his head

00:57:36.560 side to side like this

00:57:37.620 to even move forward

00:57:38.700 or to come up with a good idea.

00:57:40.380 Yeah, you ask him

00:57:40.980 what smooth he wants

00:57:41.820 and he's like,

00:57:42.240 ah, yeah.

00:57:43.160 He's thinking about 0.99

00:57:43.720 catalytic converters and shit. 0.99

00:57:45.620 Yeah, he doesn't blink 0.97

00:57:46.800 unless he's,

00:57:47.460 you know,

00:57:47.720 he sees you blink. 1.00

00:57:48.680 He's fucking, 1.00

00:57:49.260 you know. 1.00

00:57:50.260 He has to remind himself

00:57:50.980 to blink.

00:57:51.780 On his hand it says blink

00:57:53.040 and he goes.

00:57:54.140 Yeah, his whoop bracelet 1.00

00:57:55.540 fucking goes off. 1.00

00:57:56.600 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 1.00

00:57:57.160 He always knows a good,

00:57:58.360 like, ICP playlist.

00:57:59.800 Oh, dude,

00:58:00.440 his, uh,

00:58:01.080 his, uh,

00:58:01.680 his, um,

00:58:02.700 house arrest bracelet.

00:58:04.160 Oh, yeah,

00:58:04.580 it's got the Wu-Tang logo on it.

00:58:05.840 It makes a special beep

00:58:07.060 when he walks

00:58:07.540 through a grocery store entrance.

00:58:09.340 Yeah, yeah.

00:58:10.160 That's how he does

00:58:10.840 Apple Pay with an ankle monitor.

00:58:12.720 Yeah, it's crazy, dude. 1.00

00:58:14.080 He just puts his fucking, 1.00

00:58:15.380 uh, 0.99

00:58:16.180 his British knight up

00:58:17.300 on the, uh.

00:58:17.980 You ever been arrested?

00:58:19.400 Yep.

00:58:19.840 I've been arrested, man.

00:58:20.780 I didn't know that.

00:58:21.500 We was at a house somewhere

00:58:22.920 and the cops came in

00:58:24.600 and they went upstairs,

00:58:27.420 right?

00:58:27.740 This is the crazy thing

00:58:28.440 and they bring a kid down

00:58:29.960 from upstairs.

00:58:30.840 Everybody's high downstairs.

00:58:32.740 You had no idea

00:58:33.280 who the kid was?

00:58:33.900 No.

00:58:34.660 And everybody's like, 0.99

00:58:35.380 who the fuck here as a kid? 0.99

00:58:36.900 Nobody had a kid, right? 0.99

00:58:38.920 It was,

00:58:39.540 we were kids.

00:58:40.440 Right.

00:58:41.020 They bring like a sleeping kid

00:58:42.960 with like a, um.

00:58:43.760 Do you think they tried

00:58:44.260 to plan it on you?

00:58:45.040 It totally seemed like a.

00:58:46.700 Like when somebody gets like shot

00:58:47.700 and they experiment with Coke on him.

00:58:49.060 Oh, it was a Coke head.

00:58:50.100 Yeah.

00:58:51.280 These kids were funneling kids.

00:58:52.840 But like, yeah,

00:58:53.220 with the kid,

00:58:53.680 it was like he was like

00:58:54.300 rubbing his eye

00:58:55.460 and he had on like

00:58:56.560 a little nightgap.

00:58:57.860 I mean, yeah,

00:58:58.400 it seemed like something

00:58:58.860 out of like a Charles Dickens novel.

00:59:00.700 Yeah, I was gonna say,

00:59:01.120 kids are always rubbing

00:59:01.680 their eyes in movies.

00:59:02.480 Yeah, so it seemed really

00:59:04.220 like a setup in Mississippi

00:59:05.320 and so we had to go

00:59:06.120 stay in for the night.

00:59:07.140 I'm trying to think

00:59:07.660 if there was another time.

00:59:09.580 I feel like I did another time.

00:59:11.760 I got put in the back

00:59:12.620 of a cop car

00:59:13.180 for teeping a house

00:59:14.100 in eighth grade. 1.00

00:59:15.680 Suburb shit. 1.00

00:59:16.340 Wow, what gang was that? 1.00

00:59:19.140 Dude, fucking Charmin Ultra. 1.00

00:59:20.720 Fucking hard Charmin? 1.00

00:59:22.140 Yeah, single ply, bitch. 1.00

00:59:23.940 Wow. 1.00

00:59:24.520 Y'all were a single ply, huh?

00:59:26.100 Oh, well then you went 1.00

00:59:27.000 through some shit. 1.00

00:59:27.840 Yeah, a little. 1.00

00:59:28.400 Nah. 1.00

00:59:29.200 Some shit went through you. 1.00

00:59:30.380 Yeah, fingers went 1.00

00:59:31.580 through some shit, yeah. 0.99

00:59:32.880 But I was, 0.99

00:59:33.900 remember me and my friend Matt,

00:59:35.400 I had a backpack on

00:59:36.560 and if you see any kid

00:59:37.700 with a backpack

00:59:38.360 at four in the morning,

00:59:39.380 he ain't going to school.

00:59:40.740 So the cop just pulled over

00:59:43.480 and I had like four rolls on me

00:59:45.700 just Charmin.

00:59:47.760 Yeah, my parents

00:59:48.500 were probably more so pissed

00:59:49.320 that I was throwing

00:59:49.820 the nice toilet paper.

00:59:50.980 Yeah.

00:59:51.440 But yeah, the cops were like,

00:59:52.320 what are you doing?

00:59:52.720 And then I had to go

00:59:53.140 wake my parents up

00:59:54.180 and then my parents

00:59:55.080 had to go talk to the cop

00:59:56.020 and my neighbor at the time

00:59:57.620 was the sheriff.

00:59:59.020 That's the only reason

00:59:59.560 we got anything.

01:00:01.060 They're like, 1.00

01:00:01.440 oh shit, I know your neighbor. 1.00

01:00:02.740 That's the shit, you know? 1.00

01:00:03.880 Yeah. 1.00

01:00:04.200 And so they just,

01:00:04.860 I don't know how that helped

01:00:05.840 but yeah, that was it.

01:00:07.400 That's all I had to do

01:00:07.980 was wake my parents.

01:00:08.760 It was a cop downstairs. 1.00

01:00:09.900 I was like, what the fuck? 1.00

01:00:11.120 That was it. 1.00

01:00:11.560 Damn. 0.99

01:00:12.420 That was such a weird time 0.99

01:00:13.740 as a kid when you had to go

01:00:14.820 get your parents up at night.

01:00:16.200 Remember that?

01:00:16.780 Oh, yeah.

01:00:17.140 Because like you would go open,

01:00:18.220 you'd have to open their door,

01:00:19.540 go by their,

01:00:20.260 and you knew they were asleep.

01:00:21.620 Right.

01:00:21.980 And it was that moment

01:00:22.760 where you're like,

01:00:23.180 how do I time where I knock?

01:00:25.400 Maybe they're like not,

01:00:26.940 like maybe I'll give them

01:00:27.920 an extra five seconds

01:00:28.940 to sleep or something.

01:00:29.940 Yeah, how do you like?

01:00:30.720 And then you're like,

01:00:31.360 mom, yeah.

01:00:32.960 She's like,

01:00:33.180 you have another nightmare?

01:00:34.880 No.

01:00:35.680 Mom.

01:00:36.680 There's a squad car out front.

01:00:38.720 Cops are here.

01:00:39.540 Yeah, and your dad

01:00:40.840 was in some weird PJs 1.00

01:00:42.300 and his dick was probably 1.00

01:00:43.440 flopping out, man. 1.00

01:00:44.480 What the fuck are you talking about? 0.99

01:00:45.820 Yeah, it was weird. 0.99

01:00:46.600 I don't think I got in trouble for that.

01:00:47.980 I think it was just,

01:00:48.540 I don't even,

01:00:49.280 I don't even remember what happened.

01:00:50.260 Yeah, all that time

01:00:52.620 was just interesting, man.

01:00:54.120 What were we talking about

01:00:54.880 on the news that happens that?

01:00:56.100 Atlanta.

01:00:57.040 Oh yeah, Atlanta.

01:00:57.920 So yeah, I'm just wondering,

01:00:58.880 yeah, I think you're just gonna start

01:00:59.860 seeing more rich people

01:01:01.200 get like special services.

01:01:04.880 Yeah.

01:01:05.360 Just to spend their money

01:01:06.120 because they have to.

01:01:07.260 I wonder if it's just gonna get

01:01:08.400 so mainstream.

01:01:09.140 Like imagine where,

01:01:10.160 like these dudes

01:01:10.620 aren't doing any combat.

01:01:11.640 Like these dudes are trained 0.98

01:01:12.640 tactically to like fuck somebody up, 0.99

01:01:14.400 but now you're just dropping 0.98

01:01:15.060 somebody off at LAX.

01:01:16.040 Like I get bored.

01:01:16.780 I'm like,

01:01:17.000 I know how to shoot a gun.

01:01:18.500 Why are you making me drive

01:01:19.320 to, you know, American Airlines?

01:01:21.260 Well, and at a certain point,

01:01:22.080 those guys are gonna want

01:01:23.000 to shoot guns.

01:01:23.520 Yeah, I think they should. 0.77

01:01:24.280 So they're gonna want

01:01:25.040 to pop off on somebody.

01:01:26.060 They're gonna want to.

01:01:27.360 Yeah, can you get the trunk for me?

01:01:29.020 They're gonna want to put

01:01:29.920 a piece into somebody.

01:01:30.820 They're gonna want to put

01:01:31.380 a free filling 1.00

01:01:32.080 in somebody's fucking rib cage. 1.00

01:01:33.400 Yeah, because I think 1.00

01:01:34.080 they're just gonna be like

01:01:34.740 loading in that car. 1.00

01:01:35.780 Like I want to fucking hit someone. 0.99

01:01:37.480 Yeah. 1.00

01:01:37.820 Or they might start some beef. 0.99

01:01:39.460 Well, shit's getting weird. 0.99

01:01:40.360 Now I notice 0.99

01:01:41.240 when I walk up to a car now,

01:01:45.900 it used to be you could

01:01:46.980 walk up, tap on the window

01:01:48.380 or ask somebody a question.

01:01:49.560 Seems crazy to do now.

01:01:51.220 Doesn't it?

01:01:51.860 Yeah.

01:01:52.340 Bro, the other day

01:01:53.140 I'm walking up to a car

01:01:54.240 and I was like,

01:01:55.600 oh my God.

01:01:57.680 Well, you also look like

01:01:58.580 somebody who's gonna sell you

01:01:59.700 some like fake fish tickets.

01:02:01.680 Oh, yeah.

01:02:03.500 You know what I'm saying, bro?

01:02:05.000 Or some fake fish. 1.00

01:02:08.280 Y'all fuck with these? 1.00

01:02:12.700 It's just a hamster 1.00

01:02:13.480 with a fin on the back?

01:02:15.140 So wait, what were you saying?

01:02:15.920 I cut you off.

01:02:16.680 Yeah, it's either

01:02:17.240 Modest Yahoo or Mahi Mahi, dude.

01:02:19.360 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:02:20.180 You're buying something.

01:02:21.100 Yeah, so you walked

01:02:21.860 into a car and what happened?

01:02:22.880 I didn't mean to cut you off.

01:02:23.300 But it spooked me out.

01:02:24.580 I was like, oh my God.

01:02:25.480 If this person

01:02:26.480 would have just drawn on me 0.99

01:02:28.420 and shot me, 0.94

01:02:29.800 there would have been 0.89

01:02:30.540 a case for them

01:02:31.400 that this guy came up

01:02:32.760 on my car

01:02:33.440 whether or not

01:02:34.060 I had a weapon or not.

01:02:35.460 Yeah.

01:02:36.000 It wouldn't have been

01:02:37.160 just like an open shut thing 0.67

01:02:38.440 of like you shooting a stranger. 0.96

01:02:40.260 Right. 0.73

01:02:40.800 Do you approach my bubble?

01:02:41.840 Remember that?

01:02:42.260 And people say,

01:02:42.720 get out of my bubble. 1.00

01:02:43.700 That was some mom shit. 1.00

01:02:45.360 But so what do you do 1.00

01:02:46.580 if you're like at a red light

01:02:47.500 and somebody like

01:02:47.900 walks up to your car?

01:02:48.820 Do you keep your eyes

01:02:50.800 on the road

01:02:51.140 or you talk with them

01:02:51.720 or you just look forward?

01:02:53.100 Like it is weird.

01:02:53.880 Like you just stand there

01:02:54.820 and you're like

01:02:55.120 pretend you're at the wheel

01:02:55.800 and you're just like

01:02:56.420 pretending that they're not there

01:02:57.600 or do you interact?

01:02:58.460 You mean if they come

01:02:58.900 up to the window of your car?

01:02:59.860 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:02:59.960 Like who are they?

01:03:00.760 Why would someone do that?

01:03:01.660 I don't know.

01:03:05.140 Most are kind of expecting

01:03:06.080 and in that moment

01:03:06.800 I feel like at a stoplight

01:03:07.800 you're kind of looking around.

01:03:09.080 I think for me

01:03:09.760 like there were cars

01:03:10.560 in a parking lot.

01:03:11.420 They were parked

01:03:11.940 and what happened was

01:03:13.260 I thought I walked up to

01:03:14.420 we had a rental car.

01:03:15.500 I thought I walked up

01:03:16.140 to the rental car.

01:03:16.760 I walked up to the wrong car

01:03:18.300 but I walked up

01:03:19.560 and kind of like

01:03:20.440 was by,

01:03:22.000 I mean I'm like

01:03:22.440 right by the glass.

01:03:23.280 There's somebody sitting

01:03:24.100 in that car

01:03:24.680 and I'm like

01:03:25.060 if that person

01:03:26.060 years ago

01:03:26.900 would have been like

01:03:27.400 oh I'm so sorry

01:03:28.180 it's an accident

01:03:28.780 but now it's like

01:03:30.040 their windows are all tinted

01:03:31.400 everything so it's like

01:03:32.400 I don't know.

01:03:33.320 It just felt like

01:03:34.120 if they shot me

01:03:34.860 it wouldn't be 0.81

01:03:35.380 it wouldn't be crazy.

01:03:37.280 Yeah,

01:03:37.480 your like glass words

01:03:38.280 would be like

01:03:38.560 I get it.

01:03:39.860 It does feel like

01:03:41.100 the brain just trains you

01:03:42.180 that anytime like

01:03:42.740 somebody comes up

01:03:43.240 to your car

01:03:43.660 you should be like

01:03:44.040 oh like

01:03:44.500 like fight or flight

01:03:45.540 immediately.

01:03:46.320 But everybody's scared now

01:03:47.680 I feel like

01:03:48.180 and we're building up

01:03:49.640 this

01:03:49.960 but sometimes you go

01:03:52.320 to like a real small town

01:03:53.360 and they're like

01:03:53.880 the opposite.

01:03:54.740 Like you walk up

01:03:55.480 they're like

01:03:55.740 do you need something honey?

01:03:56.860 I remember I was doing a show

01:03:57.680 That's a good point.

01:03:58.380 I was in Butte, Montana

01:03:59.480 and there's a population

01:04:00.960 of like 456

01:04:02.720 maybe 450

01:04:03.840 for today

01:04:05.380 but that

01:04:06.460 I was walking

01:04:07.880 from the Walmart

01:04:08.580 to my hotel

01:04:09.340 and this lady drives by 1.00

01:04:10.820 and she goes

01:04:11.200 do you need help?

01:04:11.900 And I was like

01:04:12.360 and like

01:04:13.000 this is like

01:04:13.380 very early in my career

01:04:14.160 so I thought I was like 0.99

01:04:15.120 hot shit 1.00

01:04:15.640 and I was like 1.00

01:04:16.320 oh maybe she recognized me

01:04:17.340 and I was like

01:04:18.020 no, what's up?

01:04:18.960 She's like

01:04:19.220 oh anytime you see

01:04:19.940 somebody walking

01:04:20.620 in this town

01:04:21.160 that means something

01:04:21.800 you know

01:04:22.160 something bad happened

01:04:22.920 and I was just

01:04:23.320 helping you out

01:04:23.900 and that was that.

01:04:25.240 Yeah.

01:04:25.380 No offers of sex

01:04:26.980 or nothing.

01:04:27.540 Yeah.

01:04:28.540 Yeah, I think

01:04:29.220 that's a good point

01:04:30.180 so I'm thinking

01:04:30.760 from more like

01:04:31.380 a city perspective

01:04:32.280 Where was this at?

01:04:33.200 This was in

01:04:34.520 Phoenix.

01:04:36.180 Okay.

01:04:36.680 Yeah, there's a lot

01:04:37.240 of walking up cars

01:04:37.960 out there.

01:04:38.760 But I just had never

01:04:40.020 thought that before

01:04:40.900 I'd never thought

01:04:41.620 that before

01:04:42.240 like if somebody

01:04:42.940 if I walk up

01:04:43.700 somebody's car

01:04:44.140 that they would 0.98

01:04:44.600 if they did shoot me 0.87

01:04:46.060 or that

01:04:46.260 I just had never

01:04:47.380 thought that there was

01:04:48.560 that much fear

01:04:49.280 in the air

01:04:49.940 or like

01:04:50.600 weird energy

01:04:52.700 and like uncertainty

01:04:53.540 I think people

01:04:54.200 are just very nervous

01:04:55.500 about what other

01:04:56.120 people are capable of.

01:04:57.580 Yeah, that is true.

01:04:59.100 Everyone's just like

01:04:59.760 on the heightened senses.

01:05:01.240 Yeah, I think some of it

01:05:02.240 is because you see

01:05:02.840 a lot of clips

01:05:03.480 of people like

01:05:04.180 beating people up

01:05:05.160 on like Twitter and stuff.

01:05:06.300 Do you ever see

01:05:06.840 any of that stuff?

01:05:07.340 Of course. 0.99

01:05:08.540 Twitter is just tits 0.99

01:05:09.420 and people getting 1.00

01:05:09.880 knocked out.

01:05:10.580 Yeah.

01:05:11.020 Which is pretty good combo.

01:05:12.760 It's like the new

01:05:13.940 Spike TV. 1.00

01:05:15.460 Where the fuck 0.99

01:05:16.280 is Spike TV? 1.00

01:05:17.040 I miss that shit. 1.00

01:05:18.480 Mansers, 1.00

01:05:19.420 every time it'd be like

01:05:20.600 my girlfriend

01:05:21.360 is talking too much 1.00

01:05:22.580 and be like fucking 1.00

01:05:23.140 divorce that bitch 1.00

01:05:24.340 and the Spike TV. 1.00

01:05:25.960 We'll be back to you

01:05:26.500 after this Jack Link's

01:05:27.400 beef jerky commercial.

01:05:28.700 I miss Spike TV.

01:05:29.900 That was just like

01:05:30.380 creatine for the soul.

01:05:31.400 Dude, Spike TV 0.98

01:05:32.040 was so fucking good. 0.98

01:05:33.260 It was like 0.99

01:05:33.920 they had like

01:05:34.720 I don't even know

01:05:36.480 they were like

01:05:37.300 oh, watch this guy

01:05:39.140 get a root canal

01:05:40.880 done with a forklift.

01:05:42.240 Yeah, yeah.

01:05:42.600 And he does it himself.

01:05:44.460 But they had the show

01:05:45.380 A Thousand Ways to Die.

01:05:47.360 Oh, I never really

01:05:47.980 saw that.

01:05:48.060 You ever see that?

01:05:48.860 They would just find

01:05:49.740 random cases around the world

01:05:50.800 then they would hire

01:05:51.560 reenactment actors

01:05:53.380 to be like

01:05:54.820 yeah, this guy was

01:05:56.260 climbing the Christmas tree

01:05:57.320 to try to put the

01:05:57.920 final thing on the ornament

01:05:58.740 and got electrocuted 0.99

01:05:59.820 in the cock. 0.99

01:06:01.140 Yeah, it was a really 1.00

01:06:02.000 weird show.

01:06:02.580 They would just reenact

01:06:03.680 how random deaths

01:06:04.840 would happen.

01:06:05.860 I wonder if there's

01:06:06.620 like one actor

01:06:07.360 that does a lot

01:06:08.220 of the death reenactments.

01:06:09.440 Oh, he was the

01:06:10.480 go-to guy on a call?

01:06:11.860 Yeah.

01:06:12.300 Now he's just at a bar

01:06:13.060 like you ever seen

01:06:13.700 A Thousand Ways to Die?

01:06:14.820 That was me.

01:06:15.580 Yeah, that was me.

01:06:16.380 40 of them were me.

01:06:18.320 Yeah.

01:06:19.600 Yeah, what other shows

01:06:20.600 does Spike TV have?

01:06:21.720 I just remember the name

01:06:22.920 and the feeling

01:06:23.640 associated with the channel.

01:06:24.380 Well, they had early UFC

01:06:25.620 I think was on Spike TV,

01:06:26.820 wasn't it?

01:06:27.140 Was it UFC

01:06:27.540 or just a bunch of dudes

01:06:28.260 fighting in front of a Red Lobster?

01:06:30.100 I think it could have been

01:06:31.120 either one.

01:06:31.840 That's Maine

01:06:32.620 that you're talking about.

01:06:33.600 There's nothing better

01:06:34.160 than like a raw street fight.

01:06:35.560 You ever just been

01:06:35.920 driving by to see a fight?

01:06:37.220 It may have been

01:06:37.660 a ring cam from Maine.

01:06:39.120 Yeah, exactly.

01:06:40.140 Yeah, dude.

01:06:40.960 Bro, I was in New York

01:06:42.040 the other day, right?

01:06:42.840 So, there's like two

01:06:44.600 there's like a homeless dude

01:06:46.360 and what we thought

01:06:47.000 was like a regular dude

01:06:48.080 like we're sitting

01:06:48.920 outside of a cafe

01:06:49.860 and I don't go to cafes, dude 0.99

01:06:52.360 because they're gay, right? 0.87

01:06:53.280 My buddy wanted to go. 0.84

01:06:54.440 Yeah, I was going to say

01:06:54.960 I can't see you sitting there

01:06:56.260 sipping a little cappuccino

01:06:57.820 with a pinky out.

01:06:58.980 Yeah, I was just

01:06:59.620 dude, I was buying coke

01:07:00.720 and then selling it

01:07:01.320 to other people.

01:07:01.800 I don't do it anymore

01:07:02.540 but I'll middle a few grams,

01:07:04.620 you know,

01:07:04.820 to keep me hype, right?

01:07:06.880 Right, just to stay cool

01:07:07.920 at the cafe.

01:07:08.860 Yeah, what can I give you

01:07:09.840 an eight ball?

01:07:11.260 You want it iced?

01:07:12.700 So, we saw some dudes

01:07:16.200 and me and my buddy Kevin

01:07:17.120 were like, alright

01:07:17.580 let's go see what's going on here

01:07:18.900 so we get up

01:07:19.640 from our little table

01:07:20.760 and the tables in New York

01:07:21.980 are small, especially cafes. 0.99

01:07:23.700 How fucking small 0.99

01:07:25.200 is this table? 0.99

01:07:26.120 Yeah, it's insane.

01:07:27.380 I do like the arguments

01:07:28.180 when you're like sitting

01:07:28.860 at a table at a restaurant

01:07:29.840 in New York

01:07:30.720 you can hear the people

01:07:31.820 like directly

01:07:32.620 to your left and right.

01:07:33.860 Couples aren't doing well

01:07:34.640 in New York.

01:07:35.360 No.

01:07:35.600 Which I get,

01:07:35.940 there's a lot of hot people

01:07:36.540 I wouldn't want to be

01:07:37.100 in a relationship

01:07:37.480 in that town either.

01:07:38.320 Oh, dude,

01:07:39.040 everything that walked by

01:07:40.640 I wanted to put my face in it,

01:07:42.160 you know?

01:07:43.020 It's an insane scene.

01:07:43.980 I couldn't imagine

01:07:44.900 feeling like I was

01:07:46.780 in a comfortable relationship

01:07:47.840 in that town.

01:07:48.560 Like, you're both walking

01:07:49.360 and be like,

01:07:49.840 wow, that girl's so hot 1.00

01:07:50.800 and she's like,

01:07:51.200 wow, that dude's so hot

01:07:52.020 and you're just like,

01:07:53.220 huh, okay,

01:07:54.080 I can't wait to go back

01:07:54.980 to Easter with your family

01:07:56.120 next weekend.

01:07:57.080 Yeah. 1.00

01:07:57.580 Fuck everybody. 1.00

01:07:58.700 Oh, dude, 1.00

01:07:59.500 it's just like, 0.99

01:08:00.120 you just want to fucking, 0.99

01:08:01.340 you know, 0.99

01:08:02.140 it's great in the fashion out there. 0.99

01:08:03.300 You just want a damn 0.99

01:08:04.020 pink eye collection, 1.00

01:08:05.200 you know? 0.99

01:08:05.480 Like, you're fucking willing 0.97

01:08:06.580 to get it the organic way too. 0.98

01:08:08.340 Oh, yeah,

01:08:08.480 you're willing to do

01:08:09.160 what you need to do.

01:08:10.000 Yeah, not a fart on the pillow, 1.00

01:08:11.340 just fart on these goddamn eyelids. 1.00

01:08:13.200 Oh, damn. 1.00

01:08:14.880 Yeah, I'll put these things 1.00

01:08:16.120 to sleep, honey.

01:08:17.120 Yeah, it's just a hot town.

01:08:18.800 So we heard two homeless dudes,

01:08:20.140 wait, we thought it was

01:08:20.720 a homeless dude

01:08:21.240 and a regular dude fighting.

01:08:22.660 Which is not fair

01:08:23.860 for the regular dude. 1.00

01:08:26.140 He'll get his ass beat. 1.00

01:08:27.020 Well, we didn't know 1.00

01:08:27.660 what was happening.

01:08:28.400 So we cruise over

01:08:29.380 and then one of them,

01:08:30.700 they're beating each other

01:08:31.520 with toilet tissue

01:08:32.980 with a bunch of 0.99

01:08:33.800 packet of shit tickets, right? 0.99

01:08:36.160 So one of them's 1.00

01:08:36.700 banging the other dude up

01:08:37.900 with this,

01:08:38.460 with like an eight pack 1.00

01:08:39.420 of shit tickets, dude. 1.00

01:08:40.620 And we're like, 1.00

01:08:41.480 oh, dude,

01:08:42.100 hey, what's going on here, guys?

01:08:43.580 Yeah.

01:08:43.880 And it was a black guy

01:08:44.900 and a white guy.

01:08:45.860 And we're like,

01:08:46.120 what's going on here, guys?

01:08:47.360 Who was what?

01:08:48.960 I can't remember who.

01:08:50.480 And then at that point,

01:08:51.240 we realized,

01:08:51.660 oh, both of these guys

01:08:53.120 are home,

01:08:54.020 are like kind of

01:08:54.820 crackheads or whatever. 0.85

01:08:56.000 Yeah, oh yeah.

01:08:56.580 You know,

01:08:56.920 like they were drug induced.

01:08:58.000 Were they having fun, though?

01:08:58.940 That kind of sounds fun.

01:08:59.780 No.

01:09:00.220 It sounds like a street

01:09:00.940 pillow fight.

01:09:01.620 It did a little,

01:09:02.680 but then they're like,

01:09:03.880 we're so sorry.

01:09:04.900 They kept cursing at each other

01:09:06.180 and kept hitting each other

01:09:07.740 with toilet tissue. 1.00

01:09:09.420 Damn. 0.99

01:09:11.040 But it was weird 0.99

01:09:11.780 because we went from thinking

01:09:12.420 like, all right,

01:09:12.860 let's step in here

01:09:13.700 and see if we can help out

01:09:14.540 or what's going to go on to.

01:09:15.540 Oh, yeah. 1.00

01:09:15.980 Oh, fuck. 1.00

01:09:16.540 Both these guys are fucking 1.00

01:09:17.500 mentally unwell. 1.00

01:09:19.280 Do you see the fight

01:09:19.900 at Disneyland last week?

01:09:21.080 Yeah, a couple of whites, huh?

01:09:22.360 Yeah, I love a good public fight.

01:09:24.520 It's so funny.

01:09:25.500 Well, I always thought

01:09:26.140 that this was a black thing 0.88

01:09:27.300 until white people,

01:09:28.180 so this is basically

01:09:28.920 cultural appropriation now.

01:09:30.460 White people fighting? 0.64

01:09:31.280 White people fighting 0.95

01:09:32.160 at Disney World

01:09:32.840 because they'd had one group

01:09:35.080 of black people

01:09:35.500 that had done it pretty well

01:09:36.560 a while back.

01:09:37.180 Remember that, Zach?

01:09:37.700 Yeah.

01:09:38.680 And they do it at places

01:09:39.660 that matter,

01:09:40.260 like Space Mountain,

01:09:41.020 like fun places

01:09:41.620 to watch a fight.

01:09:42.420 Yeah.

01:09:42.960 But what's worse,

01:09:44.360 like proposing

01:09:45.500 at Disneyland?

01:09:47.080 Be like,

01:09:47.240 will you marry me?

01:09:47.760 Or fighting at Disneyland?

01:09:48.900 I think proposing

01:09:49.480 at Disneyland is worse.

01:09:51.380 Fighting,

01:09:51.860 like that's free entertainment.

01:09:54.420 Oh, I love how they have

01:09:55.140 matching t-shirts.

01:09:55.980 That's hilarious.

01:09:56.940 This was over,

01:09:57.540 like where to take a picture,

01:09:58.660 by the way,

01:09:58.960 is people fighting.

01:09:59.420 This is right as you walk in.

01:10:01.520 Uh-uh.

01:10:02.200 They all have matching t-shirts.

01:10:04.680 Wow.

01:10:05.840 That's the best ride there.

01:10:07.560 No ride will give you

01:10:08.220 that much drama.

01:10:08.300 He tried to get out of there.

01:10:09.480 No, that's true.

01:10:11.660 Oh, this is Mace Mountain, dude.

01:10:13.400 This is a bunch of thick whites 1.00

01:10:14.460 fucking spraying each other 1.00

01:10:15.980 with that no sight saw. 0.99

01:10:18.420 So, I mean, 1.00

01:10:18.700 these people are fucking 0.99

01:10:19.400 going down. 1.00

01:10:20.360 Yeah, dude, 0.99

01:10:20.860 that's fucking, 0.99

01:10:21.960 yeah, I don't know. 0.99

01:10:23.020 What started that?

01:10:24.080 Was it over a photo?

01:10:25.620 Oh, over a photo.

01:10:26.280 That's literally what it says.

01:10:27.200 Good job, driver,

01:10:27.900 for reading.

01:10:28.480 There's something nice

01:10:29.120 about being in a group fight

01:10:30.360 like that

01:10:30.780 where there's a lot of,

01:10:31.700 like, energy in one space.

01:10:33.200 Look at that chick rolling in. 1.00

01:10:34.660 Yeah, dude on the bottom

01:10:35.860 has to just move states. 1.00

01:10:37.280 That guy's getting his ass whooped. 1.00

01:10:39.540 Imagine that's your dad. 1.00

01:10:41.960 Oh.

01:10:42.460 That's crazy.

01:10:43.440 Oh, yeah.

01:10:43.720 See, this is what I don't understand.

01:10:44.840 At this point,

01:10:45.480 at some point,

01:10:46.120 do we ever cut off the gene pool?

01:10:48.020 Like, do we say,

01:10:48.840 hey,

01:10:50.040 we're not going to let their,

01:10:52.960 like, at a certain point,

01:10:54.060 the genes have had enough time

01:10:55.660 to be in the zeitgeist

01:10:57.520 of humanity, right?

01:10:59.120 Okay.

01:11:00.080 Like, the DNA,

01:11:01.420 we've seen what it can do here,

01:11:02.920 what it can do there.

01:11:03.860 Like, we're getting an idea.

01:11:05.120 At a certain point,

01:11:05.940 do we ever say,

01:11:06.960 hey,

01:11:08.160 you guys can't do any more DNA-ing?

01:11:11.340 The whites? 0.85

01:11:12.180 I know.

01:11:12.620 Any,

01:11:13.080 any groups of people

01:11:15.660 or,

01:11:17.460 like, at a certain point,

01:11:18.660 do you lose your DNA privileges

01:11:20.440 maybe based on your own,

01:11:22.080 not success,

01:11:24.180 but your own,

01:11:26.060 there should be some level

01:11:27.560 where you lose your DNA privileges.

01:11:30.400 Okay.

01:11:31.480 Yeah,

01:11:31.960 like,

01:11:32.160 like,

01:11:32.400 if you keep,

01:11:33.060 like,

01:11:33.240 a three-strike type of thing.

01:11:34.980 Something.

01:11:35.760 Like,

01:11:36.160 a fight like that,

01:11:37.180 you're done.

01:11:37.820 I think you get a strike for sure.

01:11:40.420 Yeah. 1.00

01:11:40.840 And if you get your ass beat, 1.00

01:11:42.040 it's two strikes. 1.00

01:11:43.760 Okay.

01:11:44.160 The guy on the bottom down there,

01:11:45.560 I mean,

01:11:45.760 he is protesting Disney from day one.

01:11:47.900 I mean,

01:11:48.140 that's crazy.

01:11:49.340 Do you stay at the park 1.00

01:11:50.060 after you get your ass beat? 1.00

01:11:51.160 Well, 1.00

01:11:51.320 you're probably arrested.

01:11:52.260 I think you probably stay.

01:11:53.200 Well,

01:11:53.320 they didn't know that the video was out.

01:11:55.040 Who knows if they even got arrested.

01:11:56.380 They have a jail at Disneyland.

01:11:58.180 Oh,

01:11:58.320 they do?

01:11:58.660 Yeah.

01:11:59.460 Oh.

01:12:00.060 I haven't been,

01:12:00.880 but.

01:12:01.420 That'd be crazy.

01:12:01.980 That's dropping the soap there. 1.00

01:12:03.840 Crazy.

01:12:04.980 Just get a quick little hoo-hoo. 0.97

01:12:06.380 No.

01:12:07.380 Oh,

01:12:07.740 boy. 1.00

01:12:09.460 Somebody's getting goofy in that ass. 1.00

01:12:12.280 I don't know, 1.00

01:12:13.280 dude.

01:12:13.540 I'm trying to think

01:12:14.240 if you had to make love

01:12:15.200 to one cartoon,

01:12:16.360 who would it be,

01:12:17.160 bro?

01:12:17.480 The girl from Futurama,

01:12:19.040 Lola, 0.98

01:12:19.540 she had three tits and one eye. 1.00

01:12:21.140 That's a great combo right there. 0.99

01:12:22.380 Let's bring her up. 0.99

01:12:23.920 I think, 0.99

01:12:24.380 I think it was three tits and one eye. 1.00

01:12:25.620 I wasn't really looking past the, 0.94

01:12:26.940 oh, 1.00

01:12:27.120 she only had two tits? 1.00

01:12:28.080 Yeah, 0.99

01:12:28.180 it was only two.

01:12:29.020 No,

01:12:29.680 she had three.

01:12:31.120 Bro.

01:12:31.320 You're thinking of Total Recall.

01:12:32.700 Yeah.

01:12:34.220 I'm thinking of A Good Night.

01:12:36.220 She just kind of does something.

01:12:37.820 It's like the purple hair.

01:12:39.480 Like,

01:12:39.940 she,

01:12:40.180 she would be a bartender

01:12:41.120 at a place in Hollywood

01:12:42.160 and wouldn't look at you.

01:12:43.620 And that's hard to do with that eye.

01:12:45.000 But she would like,

01:12:45.780 she wouldn't look,

01:12:46.380 you know?

01:12:47.080 Well,

01:12:47.240 having,

01:12:48.120 oh yeah,

01:12:48.620 I see what you're saying.

01:12:49.520 But also,

01:12:50.000 I'm going to say this.

01:12:50.640 Having one eye,

01:12:52.640 there would be something so nice

01:12:53.840 if somebody had one eye.

01:12:54.580 You ever really try to look at somebody

01:12:56.120 in the eyes?

01:12:57.020 Just one?

01:12:57.640 I'm doing it right now.

01:12:58.480 Like,

01:12:58.700 but in both eyes,

01:12:59.480 it's almost impossible

01:13:00.480 because you can't.

01:13:01.320 You don't know where to.

01:13:01.980 Yeah,

01:13:02.780 there's always a little bit of,

01:13:04.740 somebody told me a trick

01:13:05.560 for like interviews.

01:13:06.500 You stare in the middle

01:13:07.640 of the nose,

01:13:08.820 like the,

01:13:09.200 like right in between the eyes

01:13:10.200 because it looks,

01:13:11.140 you can't really tell.

01:13:12.720 But also,

01:13:13.440 I think one eye is kind of seductive

01:13:14.720 because like,

01:13:15.080 imagine you do like

01:13:15.740 one of these to her cheek 0.97

01:13:16.540 and she like blushes 0.81

01:13:17.460 and like the one eye goes down.

01:13:18.880 That's pretty hot.

01:13:20.140 But that one eye is bigger

01:13:21.600 and imagine if she starts crying

01:13:23.020 and one big tear comes out.

01:13:24.640 Oh, wow.

01:13:25.240 That could break an iPhone.

01:13:27.020 Yeah, it would be.

01:13:27.740 You got to get a bowl of rice

01:13:28.620 and everything.

01:13:29.520 Who is your cartoon

01:13:30.740 you'd go for?

01:13:31.680 Let me think.

01:13:32.240 The cartoon that's,

01:13:33.100 oh, Jessica Rabbit, huh?

01:13:34.760 Jessica Rabbit does it. 1.00

01:13:35.800 She does it for a lot of people.

01:13:36.740 My God.

01:13:37.840 Yeah.

01:13:38.520 Boy,

01:13:38.940 I just wanted to draw 1.00

01:13:40.080 my own dick on her. 1.00

01:13:43.180 I remember when I saw that. 1.00

01:13:44.760 Oh, what about Lola?

01:13:45.740 I thought she was a real woman. 0.94

01:13:47.240 I was like,

01:13:47.480 mom,

01:13:47.600 we have to go meet her.

01:13:48.780 Oh,

01:13:48.920 do you know how many,

01:13:49.560 wishlist shoes on for Christmas? 1.00

01:13:51.100 I'm going to fucking beat you 1.00

01:13:51.480 in the yard 1.00

01:13:51.980 if you don't calm down.

01:13:53.500 Is that what happened

01:13:54.220 if you got too horned up

01:13:54.920 and your mom would just 1.00

01:13:55.340 beat you in the yard?

01:13:56.200 Oh, dude,

01:13:56.680 my mom,

01:13:57.240 if we were lucky,

01:13:58.160 she'd get a can,

01:13:59.340 she'd get some canned beer

01:14:00.940 and go sit in the yard

01:14:01.880 for a while.

01:14:03.280 Sometimes I wish 1.00

01:14:04.080 somebody would beat my ass 1.00

01:14:05.040 when I get too horny. 1.00

01:14:05.960 It's something bad. 0.64

01:14:06.520 Like if I start like

01:14:07.220 swiping on dating apps,

01:14:08.220 I wish somebody would just 1.00

01:14:08.840 punch me in the back of the head 1.00

01:14:09.880 and be like, 1.00

01:14:10.520 go write a new joke.

01:14:11.620 And I'm like,

01:14:11.840 oh, you're right.

01:14:12.560 Yeah, it would be good, huh?

01:14:13.180 You think about that?

01:14:13.680 The horniness slows down,

01:14:15.300 takes up so much of your time.

01:14:16.920 Look at that.

01:14:17.880 How much horniness does... 1.00

01:14:19.480 Dude, my therapist

01:14:20.200 literally told me the other day 0.99

01:14:21.260 that I should try jerking off 0.98

01:14:22.440 to get these thoughts 0.95

01:14:23.080 out of my head.

01:14:24.880 And I was like, 1.00

01:14:25.500 where the fuck 1.00

01:14:26.080 did you get your degree 1.00

01:14:26.880 at Arizona State University?

01:14:28.580 What?

01:14:28.900 Because I was like,

01:14:29.540 I feel like sometimes

01:14:30.640 I'm going on dates,

01:14:32.080 I don't know if I just

01:14:32.580 like the attention.

01:14:33.820 Do I like,

01:14:35.180 I don't want to waste

01:14:35.660 anybody's time,

01:14:36.400 but do I like these people

01:14:37.160 or is it just the attention?

01:14:38.160 And he's like,

01:14:38.580 well, before you start

01:14:39.600 texting people back, 1.00

01:14:40.540 just jerk off. 1.00

01:14:42.160 And it was like such a simple... 0.99

01:14:43.780 It's the only time

01:14:44.540 he's ever given me an answer.

01:14:45.660 Usually he has questions.

01:14:46.780 He'll be like,

01:14:47.540 well, how does it make you feel?

01:14:48.440 Why does it make you feel?

01:14:48.900 But this is the only time

01:14:49.480 he's like,

01:14:49.720 just touch yourself.

01:14:50.440 And I was like, 1.00

01:14:51.040 damn, bro. 1.00

01:14:52.740 And I did. 1.00

01:14:53.560 And it works for about 38 minutes.

01:14:55.840 Wow, really?

01:14:56.540 Creeps back in.

01:14:57.560 So you got that half-life.

01:14:58.660 So you come back around

01:15:00.900 pretty quick.

01:15:02.100 When you make love to a woman, 0.97

01:15:03.820 all right,

01:15:04.780 are you willing or able

01:15:07.180 to make love again

01:15:08.500 the same night?

01:15:09.320 The same night, yeah,

01:15:10.100 but it's got to be

01:15:10.560 like a full like Family Guy episode.

01:15:12.480 Like it's not...

01:15:13.480 Like in my...

01:15:13.940 I don't know.

01:15:14.460 Like here's...

01:15:15.260 I'll let go.

01:15:15.780 I can get back up,

01:15:16.960 but the nut ain't replenished.

01:15:19.620 You know?

01:15:20.380 Yeah.

01:15:20.800 So I'm like in a car

01:15:21.740 driving downhill,

01:15:22.500 but there's no engine in there.

01:15:24.040 Oh, yeah.

01:15:24.320 But I'm driving.

01:15:25.340 But nobody's home.

01:15:25.660 Yeah, so it's almost like

01:15:26.300 the engine's off,

01:15:26.960 but you're still going down.

01:15:27.680 I'm coasting.

01:15:28.480 Yeah.

01:15:28.980 But there's no...

01:15:29.860 There's no rev power.

01:15:31.200 Yeah.

01:15:31.620 And then I got a line,

01:15:32.500 man.

01:15:32.620 Oh, I finished.

01:15:33.440 And then...

01:15:34.880 Didn't.

01:15:35.980 So I'll be faking it too,

01:15:37.260 ladies. 0.75

01:15:37.560 Oh, I remember the first time

01:15:40.020 I ever got... 0.96

01:15:40.700 Did sex. 0.99

01:15:41.920 This lady... 1.00

01:15:42.500 How old were you,

01:15:43.060 by the way?

01:15:44.700 Well, two things happened.

01:15:46.300 One, I...

01:15:48.560 One, I tried to have sex 0.99

01:15:52.000 with a girl, 0.98

01:15:53.000 and...

01:15:54.560 I just got close to her

01:15:56.440 and just ejacked all over. 1.00

01:15:58.780 Damn. 0.99

01:15:59.480 And I just churned out, baby. 1.00

01:16:01.160 You were just built up.

01:16:02.060 Oh, God, boy.

01:16:03.920 That's probably for the best.

01:16:05.160 I mean, you could hear 1.00

01:16:05.840 a fucking wolf howl. 1.00

01:16:07.000 That shit was pure, brother. 1.00

01:16:08.840 That's uncut nut. 1.00

01:16:10.140 Oh, that shit... 1.00

01:16:11.160 Yeah. 1.00

01:16:11.680 That's straight from the Pacific.

01:16:13.800 So how close was she to you?

01:16:17.920 She was probably

01:16:18.700 four inches away from me in bed.

01:16:20.300 I could just feel my body

01:16:21.320 getting closer to hers

01:16:22.400 and just closer,

01:16:23.320 and then I just...

01:16:24.880 And I was like,

01:16:25.440 are you...

01:16:25.820 Is everything okay?

01:16:26.880 Are you okay?

01:16:27.760 And I was like,

01:16:28.200 I didn't know what had happened,

01:16:29.220 kind of.

01:16:29.460 How'd you get out of it?

01:16:30.300 Uh, I said,

01:16:31.140 we should get out of here, right?

01:16:32.260 And then...

01:16:32.760 You said cops are on the way.

01:16:33.600 I didn't know what I said, dude.

01:16:34.920 But I got so scared and nervous

01:16:36.460 that I made her climb

01:16:38.960 out of the window

01:16:40.080 instead of going back.

01:16:41.080 Anything to take your mind

01:16:42.140 off the fact that

01:16:42.720 you just pre-came.

01:16:43.760 Yeah, I was like, 1.00

01:16:44.160 you got to get the fuck out of here. 0.99

01:16:45.300 She said, why? 1.00

01:16:46.400 The dogs are out front.

01:16:47.240 The dogs are barking.

01:16:48.280 Yes, I was like, 0.99

01:16:48.820 you have to get the fuck out of here. 0.99

01:16:49.960 And there was nobody else 0.99

01:16:50.780 even at our house,

01:16:51.420 so it was like,

01:16:52.140 she snuck out the window.

01:16:54.380 Yeah, that's crazy.

01:16:55.800 And then, yeah,

01:16:57.400 so that was the first almost,

01:16:59.040 and then I ended up making

01:17:00.220 love to this girl

01:17:00.860 behind the bowling alley

01:17:01.740 in our town over there.

01:17:03.180 Bowling alley is kind of

01:17:03.900 a seductive place.

01:17:04.800 A lot of, like,

01:17:05.280 this action right here,

01:17:06.200 these three fingers

01:17:06.800 get a lot of work,

01:17:07.520 and all of a sudden,

01:17:08.180 you know,

01:17:08.520 she's bowling a perfect strike 1.00

01:17:11.260 on that C-O-C-K. 1.00

01:17:11.680 We were out door

01:17:12.500 and behind the place.

01:17:13.520 There's actually,

01:17:13.980 if you pull it up on...

01:17:15.300 It's still out there?

01:17:17.240 There's Tiffany Lane's,

01:17:19.260 it was called.

01:17:20.160 I would love if the first review

01:17:21.860 or like,

01:17:22.500 it was like,

01:17:22.900 Tiffany Lane, 1.00

01:17:23.780 where Theobhan got his cock touched. 1.00

01:17:25.800 Yeah. 0.99

01:17:25.980 Is it in there?

01:17:27.040 Oh my God.

01:17:27.960 Honestly, somebody did it.

01:17:28.780 I'm here because of Theobhan,

01:17:29.780 who lost some of their precious

01:17:30.940 at the bowling alley

01:17:31.600 so long ago.

01:17:32.480 Oh, this is real.

01:17:34.020 Yep, Tiffany Lane's

01:17:34.940 bowling alley over there.

01:17:36.420 They gave it five stars, too.

01:17:38.000 Temporarily closed.

01:17:39.900 You should reopen it.

01:17:41.000 We shut it down.

01:17:42.180 Oh, really?

01:17:43.200 Dude, that wouldn't be

01:17:43.920 a bad idea to reopen.

01:17:45.420 You should...

01:17:46.180 What would you call it?

01:17:47.260 Hmm?

01:17:47.560 Theo's nut hut?

01:17:48.740 Tiffany's lane.

01:17:50.500 Tiffany's.

01:17:51.500 Tiffany's slaying.

01:17:52.680 Yeah, I think you should.

01:17:53.500 You remember when

01:17:53.980 Punchline in San Francisco

01:17:55.100 was going to close down

01:17:55.760 and then Chappelle was like,

01:17:56.760 here's a bunch of money

01:17:57.440 to keep it open?

01:17:58.080 You should do that

01:17:58.600 with this place,

01:17:59.340 Tiffany Lane.

01:17:59.780 What was the review

01:18:03.560 on there, Zach?

01:18:04.000 I don't know if we read it.

01:18:05.360 It was a...

01:18:06.340 They said,

01:18:06.740 I'm only here

01:18:07.200 because Theobhan

01:18:08.100 lost something precious.

01:18:09.760 That's so funny

01:18:10.700 that that's...

01:18:12.220 You have such...

01:18:12.800 I've been meaning to tell you this.

01:18:13.880 You have the best fans,

01:18:14.940 honestly.

01:18:15.360 Really?

01:18:15.780 They're great.

01:18:16.880 All the shows

01:18:17.740 that I've done with you,

01:18:18.520 they're so...

01:18:20.160 They're just excited.

01:18:21.260 They're just happy

01:18:22.080 to be there.

01:18:22.880 Oh, thanks, man.

01:18:23.580 And the energy just is...

01:18:24.780 It feels both

01:18:25.500 because...

01:18:25.780 I don't know.

01:18:26.900 I love doing any of your shows

01:18:28.700 and anytime...

01:18:29.440 And the last time I did

01:18:30.120 this past week

01:18:31.520 on a bunch of positive comments

01:18:32.600 and...

01:18:32.880 Yeah?

01:18:33.460 It's just a great fan base.

01:18:35.220 They just all...

01:18:36.420 They're there for not only you

01:18:37.540 but each other, I think.

01:18:39.160 And I think a lot of the clips

01:18:40.220 I see on TikTok

01:18:40.760 are a bunch of really funny stuff

01:18:42.920 but also people will clip

01:18:44.140 like the moments

01:18:44.820 where you're just real.

01:18:46.320 There was one recently

01:18:46.960 where you're talking about

01:18:47.440 you're like,

01:18:47.680 I don't know if I'm doing

01:18:48.340 my to-do list

01:18:49.800 or I don't know

01:18:50.340 whose to-do list I'm doing.

01:18:51.840 And all the comments

01:18:53.120 were like, 0.98

01:18:53.800 dude, I fucking sympathize with it. 0.97

01:18:55.260 I feel this. 0.97

01:18:56.240 This is like the real Theo.

01:18:57.200 So people respect you

01:18:58.420 on both sides, you know?

01:18:59.780 Because if I open up

01:19:00.700 and be myself,

01:19:02.420 like not that I'm not

01:19:03.220 but like if I really open up

01:19:04.340 and I'm like,

01:19:04.700 this is what makes me sad at life.

01:19:06.100 People will be like, 1.00

01:19:06.680 man, shut the fuck up. 1.00

01:19:08.080 Don't make a video 1.00

01:19:08.840 about Celsius, you idiot. 1.00

01:19:10.920 So for you, 1.00

01:19:11.780 it's like I think people

01:19:12.660 are like 360.

01:19:14.020 They love Theo 360.

01:19:15.240 Oh, interesting, man.

01:19:16.260 And look,

01:19:16.920 I know people do care about me

01:19:18.680 and all that

01:19:19.640 and I'm just fabricating

01:19:20.440 all that stuff

01:19:21.060 but I think like,

01:19:22.820 you know,

01:19:23.260 if I pose anything

01:19:24.800 that's not like a sketch

01:19:25.740 or stand-up,

01:19:26.320 people are like, 1.00

01:19:26.460 the fuck is this? 1.00

01:19:27.480 Yeah. 1.00

01:19:28.060 Go back to making videos 1.00

01:19:29.300 of porn stars, idiot, 1.00

01:19:30.840 you know? 1.00

01:19:31.600 But I think people

01:19:32.520 just love you so much

01:19:33.820 for anything

01:19:34.660 and everything you do.

01:19:35.520 Thanks, man.

01:19:36.400 It's really cool to see you.

01:19:37.220 Yeah, there's a lot

01:19:37.440 of special fans.

01:19:38.060 Yeah, a lot of special people

01:19:39.180 out there.

01:19:39.760 I noticed it too.

01:19:40.500 A lot of nice people

01:19:41.160 come out,

01:19:42.040 will leave nice things,

01:19:43.920 leave nice messages,

01:19:45.680 have a lot of good interaction

01:19:46.800 with people

01:19:47.420 on socials and stuff.

01:19:48.940 Or a lot of people

01:19:49.720 struggling with different things.

01:19:51.500 I think also probably

01:19:52.340 since I'm older than you,

01:19:53.520 like,

01:19:54.080 you'll have probably

01:19:54.840 more times like that

01:19:55.680 in the future

01:19:56.140 where you'll get to spaces

01:19:57.360 in your life.

01:19:58.140 Like, you know,

01:19:58.840 you're still making sure

01:19:59.940 that people,

01:20:01.280 and just like I am,

01:20:02.300 like,

01:20:02.480 you just,

01:20:03.060 you know,

01:20:03.360 you want to make sure

01:20:04.880 that people accept you

01:20:05.900 or whatever,

01:20:06.460 you know.

01:20:07.160 It does feel like that a lot.

01:20:09.220 But yeah,

01:20:09.480 I think,

01:20:10.540 yeah,

01:20:10.860 I feel like that

01:20:11.220 when I did Nelk,

01:20:11.920 I just did a Nelk podcast.

01:20:12.980 How was that?

01:20:13.840 It was good, man.

01:20:14.600 I like being around.

01:20:15.580 I'm kind of fascinated

01:20:16.660 by their business.

01:20:18.720 It's hilarious.

01:20:19.360 And what they do.

01:20:20.360 And they keep,

01:20:21.040 like,

01:20:21.740 kind of axing people 1.00

01:20:23.780 from their fucking body. 1.00

01:20:24.820 Like, 1.00

01:20:25.100 people kind of disappear 0.98

01:20:26.200 and shit. 0.83

01:20:26.640 Dude, it's bizarre. 1.00

01:20:27.440 It's like everybody

01:20:28.100 in there is like,

01:20:29.320 is a boyfriend and girlfriend,

01:20:30.580 and then they're like, 0.99

01:20:31.160 we're fucking done 1.00

01:20:31.800 with that bitch. 1.00

01:20:32.420 And then next week, 1.00

01:20:33.040 they're like,

01:20:33.260 we're back together.

01:20:34.060 But now he's done with that.

01:20:34.860 Like,

01:20:35.320 it's just an ever-changing door.

01:20:36.680 But Kyle's the one

01:20:37.320 that, like,

01:20:37.720 remains the same.

01:20:38.440 And then everyone else

01:20:39.120 kind of rotates around him.

01:20:41.000 But dude,

01:20:41.300 I mean,

01:20:41.520 like,

01:20:41.740 Nelk podcast is,

01:20:43.560 and I would gladly do it.

01:20:45.260 Hit me up.

01:20:45.900 But I remember I took,

01:20:47.060 like,

01:20:47.260 two days off social media

01:20:48.220 and the first thing

01:20:48.700 I opened was my phone.

01:20:49.680 It was Donald Trump

01:20:50.560 being asked about

01:20:51.660 Ice Spice by Kyle.

01:20:53.300 And I'm like,

01:20:53.700 what?

01:20:54.280 How did we get here?

01:20:55.540 And Donald Trump's like,

01:20:56.280 Ice Spice,

01:20:57.060 what a woman, 1.00

01:20:57.960 great hair,

01:20:59.060 love the bush.

01:21:01.180 It is,

01:21:02.420 everything's kind of merged now.

01:21:04.080 That's how it felt.

01:21:05.400 It was like,

01:21:05.720 a U.S. president

01:21:06.640 is doing a podcast.

01:21:08.160 Alone is a wild topic.

01:21:09.940 But to be doing

01:21:10.400 the Nelk Boys podcast,

01:21:11.780 where they're doing like,

01:21:13.160 it's like,

01:21:13.500 all right,

01:21:13.720 up next,

01:21:14.160 Donald Trump.

01:21:14.580 But first,

01:21:15.220 Blue Chew, 1.00

01:21:15.840 does your dick not work? 1.00

01:21:16.940 It's just, 1.00

01:21:17.580 it's what you said.

01:21:18.900 It's worlds combining.

01:21:20.580 And then we're all turning

01:21:21.340 into the WWE.

01:21:22.100 I mean,

01:21:22.260 even the UFC now

01:21:23.140 has merged with the WWE.

01:21:24.840 Yeah.

01:21:25.920 Everything is kind of,

01:21:27.440 you know,

01:21:27.700 you have celebrities

01:21:28.840 fighting boxer.

01:21:30.020 Like,

01:21:30.220 everything is kind of

01:21:31.640 merging in a weird way.

01:21:34.020 Everything.

01:21:34.600 Yeah.

01:21:34.880 It's like,

01:21:36.000 and you think that's good or bad?

01:21:37.340 I don't know.

01:21:38.160 That's the thing.

01:21:38.640 I don't know what it is.

01:21:39.680 It's hard to get,

01:21:40.560 it's hard for me.

01:21:41.900 I have a tough time

01:21:42.780 seeing like the,

01:21:43.380 like the,

01:21:44.140 like the patterns

01:21:45.780 and a tough time seeing like

01:21:47.260 the bigger picture things.

01:21:48.900 So I'm like,

01:21:49.600 what is kind of going on?

01:21:51.040 Do we feel like

01:21:51.960 things are getting better

01:21:53.680 or more unique?

01:21:54.580 Do we feel like

01:21:55.420 we're just becoming like,

01:21:57.340 I don't know,

01:21:57.720 America doesn't really feel

01:21:59.100 like a big thing anymore.

01:22:00.380 Like when I was,

01:22:01.120 America was like 0.99

01:22:02.060 the biggest thing there was,

01:22:03.440 dude.

01:22:03.520 It was like the biggest company

01:22:04.740 in the world was America,

01:22:06.120 right?

01:22:06.340 It was like,

01:22:06.860 we're the biggest company

01:22:08.340 in the world.

01:22:08.500 They were the number one

01:22:09.080 on the Dow Jones,

01:22:09.960 baby.

01:22:10.160 Yeah.

01:22:10.640 USA.

01:22:11.360 That was it.

01:22:12.120 But now it feels almost,

01:22:13.760 and maybe it's just because

01:22:14.480 I live in California,

01:22:15.800 it almost feels like,

01:22:17.260 and this isn't a political statement,

01:22:19.460 but it doesn't feel weird

01:22:20.480 to rep America a little bit.

01:22:21.760 Like if you just see somebody

01:22:22.580 wearing like a USA t-shirt,

01:22:24.340 you almost look at them

01:22:25.120 and you automatically associate

01:22:26.780 who they are politically

01:22:27.920 and like who they are 1.00

01:22:28.900 and like how they eat pussy 1.00

01:22:30.280 and like how they shoot guns. 1.00

01:22:31.900 Yeah.

01:22:32.180 They eat it from the back.

01:22:33.700 Yeah.

01:22:34.240 The back,

01:22:34.920 they're pulling hair 1.00

01:22:35.540 like it's a goddamn trucker. 1.00

01:22:37.740 But it feels like, 1.00

01:22:39.700 but like there's nothing wrong

01:22:40.780 with you love where you live.

01:22:42.660 There's nothing wrong

01:22:43.600 in it at all.

01:22:44.060 Right.

01:22:44.220 Because you'd see a guy then

01:22:45.400 with a Brazilian flag,

01:22:47.820 you'd be like,

01:22:48.080 yeah,

01:22:48.200 that guy loves his country.

01:22:49.620 Exactly.

01:22:50.200 That's all it is.

01:22:50.700 But then you'd see a guy

01:22:50.960 with an American flag,

01:22:51.540 you'd be like,

01:22:51.800 oh,

01:22:51.960 this guy might be

01:22:52.640 some right-wing Politico guy.

01:22:54.100 But that dude 1.00

01:22:54.980 could be sucking cock 1.00

01:22:55.920 like he's fucking, 1.00

01:22:56.800 you know, 1.00

01:22:57.500 on some Joey Chestnut shit. 0.99

01:22:58.980 You know, 0.99

01:22:59.200 so you don't really know

01:23:00.140 what or where or how or why,

01:23:01.620 but like something

01:23:02.140 about the USA flag,

01:23:03.600 you think you know

01:23:04.120 that person specifically.

01:23:05.500 Well,

01:23:05.720 that's when it starts

01:23:06.420 to feel like

01:23:07.280 that something like

01:23:08.680 there must be

01:23:09.920 the dark artists

01:23:10.740 that kind of run things,

01:23:12.080 whoever they are,

01:23:13.220 or if there is,

01:23:15.280 they,

01:23:15.680 you know,

01:23:16.240 they've definitely started

01:23:18.080 to dissolve the idea

01:23:19.540 of what it means

01:23:20.220 to be American

01:23:20.900 to a lot of people,

01:23:21.820 you know?

01:23:22.200 But at the same time,

01:23:23.120 it's like you have people

01:23:24.140 expressing all their rights

01:23:25.340 and opinions

01:23:25.780 when they're lucky enough

01:23:27.180 to live in a country

01:23:28.200 where you can express

01:23:29.260 your rights and opinions.

01:23:30.440 It's a great place.

01:23:31.260 But it's only because

01:23:32.700 those things have been

01:23:34.440 like fought for

01:23:36.160 and the government

01:23:38.760 has been kept enough

01:23:39.900 in check.

01:23:40.660 Yeah.

01:23:40.860 And the,

01:23:41.460 you know,

01:23:41.860 it's only because like,

01:23:43.760 because easily

01:23:44.860 you could be Cuba

01:23:46.300 or you could be,

01:23:47.860 what's another place?

01:23:51.700 Europe?

01:23:52.440 Europe.

01:23:53.980 Paris?

01:23:54.560 Where they don't,

01:23:55.140 or you know what I'm saying?

01:23:55.860 You could be another place

01:23:56.540 where you don't have the freedom.

01:23:57.760 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:23:58.200 Russia, dude.

01:23:58.780 My family's very Russian

01:24:00.240 and it's like,

01:24:01.380 I was,

01:24:02.420 I told somebody the other day,

01:24:03.480 I was like,

01:24:03.640 I kind of want to go back to her.

01:24:04.620 They're like,

01:24:04.860 right now?

01:24:05.400 I was like,

01:24:05.840 yeah, what's up?

01:24:06.380 They're like,

01:24:06.660 what do you mean,

01:24:07.340 what's up?

01:24:08.200 Have you heard of anything

01:24:09.040 about Russia and Ukraine

01:24:09.920 right now, 1.00

01:24:10.380 you dumbass? 1.00

01:24:10.980 I'm like, 1.00

01:24:11.440 dude,

01:24:11.580 I get all my news

01:24:12.160 from Laffy Taffy's

01:24:13.060 and Snapchat.

01:24:13.800 I'm not doing well

01:24:14.420 in the head, brother.

01:24:15.020 I don't know what to tell you.

01:24:16.320 But like,

01:24:16.640 I think we take it for granted, 1.00

01:24:18.900 fucking USA, 1.00

01:24:20.280 you know? 1.00

01:24:20.700 But if you see a guy

01:24:21.560 with a Ford F-350

01:24:22.300 and it's a wrapped USA,

01:24:23.720 you're like,

01:24:24.500 oh,

01:24:25.140 this guy really means it.

01:24:26.760 This guy is on a first name basis

01:24:28.200 with a lot of Hooters in town.

01:24:29.880 Yeah.

01:24:30.920 Well,

01:24:31.320 I definitely think

01:24:32.040 there's like some traditionalism,

01:24:34.040 but there are people

01:24:35.100 who like use the flag now

01:24:36.520 also as like,

01:24:37.660 I'm going to use the flag 0.99

01:24:38.840 as my way of showing

01:24:40.380 how conservative I am.

01:24:45.320 Or I don't know,

01:24:45.900 but there's also like

01:24:46.660 people that have liberty

01:24:48.760 or like,

01:24:50.000 what is the new thing?

01:24:51.720 It's libertarian.

01:24:54.080 Libertarian.

01:24:54.840 Ozempic? 0.79

01:24:55.240 Do they use the American flag a lot?

01:24:58.000 I feel like they do.

01:24:59.240 I feel like they.

01:24:59.960 Ozempic,

01:25:00.100 that's hilarious, dude.

01:25:01.500 Yeah, 0.99

01:25:01.720 that's like fucking, 0.99

01:25:03.020 some people would have 1.00

01:25:03.580 an Ozempic flag

01:25:04.600 outside of their own

01:25:05.140 40 American flag.

01:25:05.680 Dude,

01:25:05.900 and people would be

01:25:06.400 knocking at the door

01:25:07.040 like,

01:25:07.240 you got it?

01:25:07.820 I heard a girl at a bar 0.99

01:25:08.780 maybe a month ago,

01:25:09.980 she goes,

01:25:10.300 I think I'm going to Mexico

01:25:11.220 next week

01:25:12.080 because Ozempic

01:25:12.740 is $800 cheaper.

01:25:14.360 And I was like,

01:25:14.900 that sentence alone.

01:25:16.980 And I was just looking at it,

01:25:17.700 I was like,

01:25:17.900 why do you have to be 0.98

01:25:18.420 so goddamn hot? 0.98

01:25:19.240 That's like, 0.97

01:25:19.760 like if I said that people 1.00

01:25:20.980 like you're an idiot, 1.00

01:25:21.660 but I heard that 1.00

01:25:22.140 and I was like,

01:25:22.460 I can see through

01:25:23.200 the red flags on this.

01:25:24.560 But like going across

01:25:26.120 the border

01:25:26.640 to get diabetic medicine

01:25:29.080 so you can look thinner,

01:25:30.360 it's a wild time.

01:25:33.280 Yeah.

01:25:33.460 So the same way

01:25:34.360 that we might say like

01:25:35.240 a USA flag might look weird

01:25:36.620 on somebody

01:25:36.960 because it's too patriotic.

01:25:38.040 Dude,

01:25:38.200 they're looking at LA

01:25:38.820 and be like, 1.00

01:25:39.180 you fuckers are addicted 1.00

01:25:40.280 to diabetic medicine? 1.00

01:25:41.920 Right. 1.00

01:25:42.740 Pussies. 1.00

01:25:43.280 Yeah. 1.00

01:25:43.800 Put it in your zins, 0.99

01:25:44.960 dude.

01:25:45.220 Let's fire up.

01:25:47.060 Yeah.

01:25:47.220 I don't know.

01:25:47.760 And most of our,

01:25:48.940 like the military

01:25:49.980 that protects our country

01:25:51.060 or keeps things like,

01:25:52.140 you know,

01:25:53.180 will protect us

01:25:53.880 if need be,

01:25:54.700 they are,

01:25:55.980 they have the American flag 1.00

01:25:56.980 on their fucking uniform. 1.00

01:25:58.600 So it's really weird 0.99

01:25:59.620 to get people

01:26:00.260 who are like against America.

01:26:02.540 Like why have we created

01:26:03.980 a people that are

01:26:04.840 against our own flag? 0.99

01:26:06.280 That's the fucking weird 0.99

01:26:07.240 thing to me. 0.99

01:26:07.900 It is bizarre.

01:26:09.060 It's like being like, 0.99

01:26:09.960 I fucking hate Arby's, 0.99

01:26:11.160 but then you're doing 0.99

01:26:11.880 work at an Arby's.

01:26:12.960 Yeah,

01:26:13.100 but you're wearing

01:26:13.500 a big hat.

01:26:14.500 Yeah.

01:26:16.520 Where did that come from?

01:26:18.300 Where are they getting

01:26:18.820 off with this giant 0.99

01:26:19.520 ass cowboy hat? 0.99

01:26:20.800 There's a comedian 0.97

01:26:21.580 that used to have

01:26:21.980 that joke.

01:26:22.460 He was like,

01:26:23.060 oh,

01:26:23.280 do you think Arby's

01:26:24.280 is just a,

01:26:24.880 oh,

01:26:25.620 uh,

01:26:26.780 do you think

01:26:27.120 there's somebody

01:26:27.460 who thinks Arby's

01:26:28.180 is just a place

01:26:28.740 where they sell

01:26:29.200 big hats?

01:26:30.280 God,

01:26:30.760 that was an old joke

01:26:31.580 somebody had.

01:26:32.260 Look at this.

01:26:32.640 Do you ever,

01:26:33.040 you know what Arby's

01:26:33.700 stands for?

01:26:35.800 Arby's,

01:26:36.200 roast beef.

01:26:36.880 Yeah,

01:26:37.280 R-B. 0.95

01:26:38.260 That's why it's Arby's.

01:26:39.360 Wow.

01:26:39.880 Isn't that crazy?

01:26:40.700 It is cool. 1.00

01:26:41.100 That's some shit 1.00

01:26:41.580 that blows my mind 1.00

01:26:42.460 more than it should.

01:26:44.020 Oh,

01:26:44.200 yeah.

01:26:44.620 Yeah, 1.00

01:26:44.920 that's the kind of shit 1.00

01:26:45.500 people don't know 1.00

01:26:46.000 who like the seventh

01:26:46.680 president was,

01:26:47.420 but they know that.

01:26:48.620 Right.

01:26:48.960 It's like when you're a child

01:26:49.700 and they do this,

01:26:50.160 got your nose

01:26:50.660 and you're like, 1.00

01:26:51.140 hold the fuck on. 1.00

01:26:52.140 Yeah. 1.00

01:26:52.340 Better slow down there,

01:26:53.120 brother.

01:26:53.320 What are we doing here?

01:26:54.400 Give me that back.

01:26:55.820 Yeah.

01:26:55.940 When I found out Arby's

01:26:56.800 was Arby's like recently.

01:26:58.280 Yeah.

01:26:58.600 I didn't know a pickle

01:26:59.280 and a cucumber

01:26:59.820 were the same thing

01:27:00.520 until I was 22.

01:27:01.400 Oh,

01:27:01.600 yeah,

01:27:01.740 that does blow your mind,

01:27:02.440 doesn't it?

01:27:02.760 Nobody tells you that.

01:27:03.540 Yeah.

01:27:03.860 We're learning about 1.00

01:27:04.340 Volvo's and goddamn 1.00

01:27:05.420 sexual ed. 1.00

01:27:06.420 Dude,

01:27:06.740 remember when Jolly Ranch,

01:27:07.800 remember when Jolly Ranchers

01:27:08.960 came out?

01:27:09.940 Dude,

01:27:10.360 I was thinking about,

01:27:11.400 my God, 0.98

01:27:12.240 do you fucking remember it though? 0.98

01:27:14.460 Might have been past my, 0.98

01:27:15.580 but do you remember,

01:27:16.640 I mean,

01:27:16.900 you got people,

01:27:18.840 because a candy

01:27:19.540 never lasted that long.

01:27:20.780 No.

01:27:21.140 I want to tell you that.

01:27:22.340 Before that, 0.99

01:27:23.020 they'd had fucking candies, 0.99

01:27:24.340 they'd had mints 1.00

01:27:26.040 and they'd had damn, 0.98

01:27:28.080 even when you break it down, 0.98

01:27:29.820 it was still tough.

01:27:30.920 Oh God, 0.99

01:27:31.620 you couldn't even fucking, 1.00

01:27:32.780 you had to hire a man 0.99

01:27:34.200 to fucking almost chew on it 0.99

01:27:35.520 for you a little bit 1.00

01:27:36.120 and then put it back 0.74

01:27:36.760 in your mouth. 0.60

01:27:37.800 God,

01:27:38.240 do you remember when

01:27:38.760 Yogurtland came out?

01:27:40.900 Not Yogurtland,

01:27:42.000 Pinkberry.

01:27:42.880 Yeah,

01:27:43.180 Pinkberry.

01:27:43.260 Pinkberry had the world 1.00

01:27:44.140 by the goddamn sack and a half. 1.00

01:27:45.860 And what happened? 1.00

01:27:46.440 It was tart yogurt

01:27:47.300 and everyone was like, 0.99

01:27:47.840 what the fuck is this? 1.00

01:27:48.780 Yeah. 1.00

01:27:49.120 Our brains couldn't comprehend it.

01:27:50.420 And it went under?

01:27:51.540 I think they're still out there.

01:27:53.000 Are they?

01:27:53.040 But like at the time,

01:27:54.220 yeah,

01:27:54.400 I saw one recently.

01:27:54.840 Yeah,

01:27:54.960 they're out there.

01:27:55.540 They are.

01:27:55.760 But at the time,

01:27:57.460 our brains were like,

01:27:58.600 why is this ice cream tart

01:28:01.240 and the world

01:28:02.220 just couldn't comprehend it?

01:28:03.640 It was like Burger King

01:28:04.380 chicken fries.

01:28:06.020 Yeah. 0.93

01:28:06.620 It's so goddamn good. 0.81

01:28:07.400 And they were paying, 0.91

01:28:08.380 and we just had

01:28:08.760 Brianna chicken fry on actually.

01:28:10.160 Oh,

01:28:10.380 nice.

01:28:10.840 Yeah.

01:28:11.340 Yeah,

01:28:11.560 she's great.

01:28:12.620 Yeah,

01:28:12.900 she's interesting.

01:28:14.580 I remember in Dallas,

01:28:15.460 a girl,

01:28:15.760 this was like years and years ago,

01:28:17.700 maybe like 2017,

01:28:18.600 she DM'd me before the show.

01:28:19.580 She goes,

01:28:19.900 you can pour chocolate sauce 0.98

01:28:21.280 in my titties. 0.84

01:28:21.900 And before I was getting off stage, 0.93

01:28:23.400 I was like,

01:28:23.960 hold up, 0.90

01:28:24.320 before I get out of here,

01:28:24.900 I remember this DM,

01:28:26.060 where's this chocolate sauce titty girl? 1.00

01:28:27.700 And she was like,

01:28:28.280 woo.

01:28:29.180 And then we hooked up that night

01:28:30.120 and she had some Franzia bags on her.

01:28:33.040 And I'm talking aged like fine wine.

01:28:35.200 Great.

01:28:35.760 She DM'd me like maybe like six months ago.

01:28:37.840 I was like,

01:28:38.360 thinking about you.

01:28:39.800 I was like,

01:28:40.100 I'm thinking about them. 0.99

01:28:41.140 Damn. 1.00

01:28:42.240 God. 0.99

01:28:43.020 But something like that,

01:28:43.940 like that's a DM where you're like,

01:28:45.060 I can't not not answer this.

01:28:46.900 Yeah.

01:28:47.860 Yeah.

01:28:48.220 Sometimes it's cool if you have a chick

01:28:49.280 just kind of lean off the bed

01:28:50.440 and hang one tit off the bed. 1.00

01:28:52.460 Man,

01:28:52.840 like it's looking for an iPhone charger.

01:28:54.300 Yeah.

01:28:54.580 I sound like that.

01:28:55.220 Yeah.

01:28:57.620 You think if you were a female, 1.00

01:28:58.840 you'd have more ass and more rack? 1.00

01:29:00.700 Dude, 1.00

01:29:01.020 I think if I were a female,

01:29:02.880 I would just,

01:29:04.140 probably wouldn't leave the house. 0.99

01:29:06.340 I'd probably get nipples 0.99

01:29:07.200 put onto my butt cheeks, 1.00

01:29:08.460 dude. 1.00

01:29:09.320 And just go all tits, 1.00

01:29:10.500 no ass. 1.00

01:29:11.240 All tits, 1.00

01:29:11.700 no ass. 1.00

01:29:12.100 Yeah. 1.00

01:29:13.180 Wow.

01:29:14.060 That would, 0.99

01:29:14.840 all tits, 1.00

01:29:16.460 no ass. 1.00

01:29:17.040 You had that just unlimited tits, 1.00

01:29:18.960 bro? 0.99

01:29:19.060 I kind of like it because it's,

01:29:20.600 it comes around,

01:29:22.320 you know,

01:29:22.560 like up front,

01:29:23.720 front of the parents,

01:29:24.420 people are like,

01:29:24.760 yeah,

01:29:24.960 whatever,

01:29:25.320 that's just Theovana,

01:29:26.960 whatever your name is.

01:29:27.880 And then you walk away

01:29:28.740 and they're like, 1.00

01:29:29.140 oh damn, 0.99

01:29:29.540 I've misspoken. 0.99

01:29:30.980 You know,

01:29:31.500 because up front,

01:29:32.240 you're just chilling.

01:29:32.980 Then on the back,

01:29:33.560 you got the Hemi. 1.00

01:29:34.460 If you saw that bra on somebody's ass, 1.00

01:29:36.540 you'd be like, 1.00

01:29:36.920 my God,

01:29:37.800 they're doing that well.

01:29:38.820 Bro,

01:29:39.040 it's like a Lamborghini.

01:29:39.860 You got the engine in the back.

01:29:41.120 Yeah.

01:29:41.360 Got the Hemi up on those legs. 0.97

01:29:43.600 I love that,

01:29:44.240 man.

01:29:44.420 It's fun.

01:29:45.000 You know, 1.00

01:29:45.180 it's cool that people have an ass and tits, 1.00

01:29:47.200 man. 1.00

01:29:47.660 Both.

01:29:48.480 What do you got,

01:29:49.260 Zach?

01:29:49.540 What's up in the news over there for you?

01:29:52.180 We were watching this video.

01:29:53.920 This girl did a, 1.00

01:29:55.480 she recreated Kobe Bryant.

01:29:57.100 She's an Asian woman. 0.99

01:29:58.420 She changed her face to look like Kobe Bryant. 1.00

01:30:00.660 And it's pretty crazy.

01:30:02.940 Well,

01:30:03.320 I'm going to need to see that.

01:30:04.220 And then,

01:30:04.580 so there's a debate.

01:30:05.440 Is this black face or not? 0.63

01:30:06.560 You tell me. 0.52

01:30:11.300 Yeah.

01:30:11.700 I mean,

01:30:11.860 immediately.

01:30:12.400 Yes.

01:30:13.060 No,

01:30:13.300 you think?

01:30:19.280 I will say this.

01:30:20.280 This looks like a lot of the portraits that you've seen drawn of Kobe around town.

01:30:25.460 What?

01:30:26.080 I haven't seen really many good portraits of Kobe, 0.94

01:30:28.800 which is fucked up given how great he, 0.96

01:30:31.580 he was. 0.99

01:30:32.700 Let's see her one more time.

01:30:34.300 This is like Kobe Bryant.

01:30:38.180 You saw him on like Hollywood Boulevard.

01:30:39.480 She looks like Charlemagne in like 20 years.

01:30:41.440 I feel like.

01:30:44.600 Do you think this is considered black face?

01:30:47.360 Not to me.

01:30:48.080 It's not.

01:30:50.340 It's might be considered Laker face.

01:30:53.860 You know what I'm saying?

01:30:54.560 Or Western conference face, 0.64

01:30:55.860 but I don't think this is black.

01:30:57.620 How do you,

01:30:58.140 I mean,

01:30:58.520 dude,

01:30:58.680 this is,

01:30:59.840 I mean,

01:31:00.080 how do you not run this past one person?

01:31:03.020 You're Asian, 1.00

01:31:03.840 dude.

01:31:04.300 Some Asians don't even talk to each other, 1.00

01:31:05.740 dude.

01:31:06.100 If you've been to China,

01:31:06.980 bro,

01:31:07.600 it's 70 billion people not even talking to each other.

01:31:10.340 That's crazy.

01:31:11.020 It's unbelievable.

01:31:11.980 I feel like that's how my brain works.

01:31:13.240 It's like 70 billion thoughts,

01:31:14.380 but nobody's aligned.

01:31:16.240 Nobody's connecting.

01:31:17.480 Nobody's,

01:31:17.900 you know,

01:31:18.260 running it past each other.

01:31:19.260 What are people saying?

01:31:20.080 Are they into this or not?

01:31:21.580 I don't think so.

01:31:22.360 I mean,

01:31:22.580 first of all,

01:31:22.900 it has 16 million views,

01:31:24.240 17 million views.

01:31:25.260 I mean,

01:31:25.460 if that's what you got to do to get those views,

01:31:26.760 I mean,

01:31:27.660 people are saying it's blackface.

01:31:29.120 Well,

01:31:29.320 here's what I think.

01:31:30.100 I think you're going to be on the Nugboys podcast tomorrow.

01:31:31.900 Yeah.

01:31:32.500 At a certain point, 0.57

01:31:33.780 black,

01:31:34.140 like blackface was, 0.99

01:31:36.740 it was,

01:31:37.920 they were doing it because they didn't, 0.92

01:31:40.320 black people weren't allowed to be actors. 0.73

01:31:41.900 So they painted white people as black people. 0.94

01:31:44.980 Oh,

01:31:45.480 I didn't know that.

01:31:46.860 She's trying to look like Kobe. 1.00

01:31:48.580 How else would she do it? 0.85

01:31:50.480 Don't.

01:31:51.460 And then someone said,

01:31:52.340 I feel like she's just displaying her makeup art talent.

01:31:54.280 Blackface is really a reach here. 0.80

01:31:56.320 Yeah.

01:31:56.540 Maybe that's what I think.

01:31:57.400 This looks a little artistic.

01:31:58.780 I don't know.

01:31:59.160 It kind of uncomforts me.

01:32:00.140 If a kid who really loves a black athlete can't be the,

01:32:04.260 I mean,

01:32:04.420 I guess you can just by having the Jersey,

01:32:06.260 but like if they wanted to like,

01:32:08.640 cause a kid,

01:32:09.240 if he has no malice in him and he's not trying to like do anything bad,

01:32:13.000 I don't know.

01:32:14.160 At a certain point.

01:32:16.960 Uh,

01:32:18.120 yeah,

01:32:18.840 I think people,

01:32:19.360 if you have the Jersey,

01:32:20.080 people still get the gist.

01:32:21.440 Nobody's wearing just a Kobe Jersey.

01:32:22.800 And they're like,

01:32:23.220 I don't believe you.

01:32:24.240 Then you just pass them a can of paint.

01:32:26.140 And like,

01:32:26.940 you know what to do.

01:32:27.900 Yeah.

01:32:28.220 Mean it.

01:32:29.920 But then here's the crazy part. 0.99

01:32:31.120 There'd be some black people like, 0.97

01:32:32.100 Oh, 1.00

01:32:32.280 you ain't fucking real bro. 0.99

01:32:33.600 Unless you paint yourself up, 0.99

01:32:35.860 you know,

01:32:36.380 next thing you know,

01:32:37.400 the guys win.

01:32:38.380 Yeah.

01:32:38.700 The guys.

01:32:39.120 Yeah.

01:32:39.260 That's the thing.

01:32:39.860 You can't really win because there's always that party.

01:32:42.820 That's like, 0.76

01:32:43.160 there's always that part of black culture.

01:32:44.780 It's like,

01:32:45.020 Oh,

01:32:45.120 you ain't real enough,

01:32:46.100 you know,

01:32:46.760 unless you go all the way in.

01:32:49.100 And then there's always that part of the culture.

01:32:50.780 It's like,

01:32:51.040 Oh,

01:32:51.200 this is too much,

01:32:52.100 bro. 1.00

01:32:52.340 You fucking, 1.00

01:32:52.980 uh, 1.00

01:32:53.280 using cultural appropriation.

01:32:54.420 I think if she wanted,

01:32:55.320 you just go half.

01:32:56.120 She could just do half.

01:32:57.000 Yeah.

01:32:57.100 There you go.

01:32:57.500 You know,

01:32:57.700 that way.

01:32:58.000 Like if somebody's like,

01:32:58.900 that's offensive,

01:32:59.440 she turns like this.

01:33:00.200 And like,

01:33:00.400 what do you mean?

01:33:00.820 And like,

01:33:01.100 ah,

01:33:01.420 but then the crowd that's like,

01:33:02.660 Oh,

01:33:02.960 that's not folding a boom. 0.90

01:33:04.360 Yeah.

01:33:04.760 Kind of like a flounder.

01:33:05.700 And she's Asian.

01:33:06.740 If it were a white person, 0.74

01:33:07.640 maybe it gets looked at a little bit differently.

01:33:09.100 This person is an Asian person.

01:33:10.660 They don't know what they're doing.

01:33:11.900 She doesn't even know Kobe Bryant passed away.

01:33:14.040 Yeah.

01:33:14.360 She probably doesn't.

01:33:15.480 And also is this Kobe Bryant? 1.00

01:33:17.820 Let's look at this fucking person. 1.00

01:33:18.980 It looks more like, 1.00

01:33:19.920 uh,

01:33:20.520 maybe like run our test after he's been doing a lot of Equinox.

01:33:24.540 Yeah.

01:33:26.820 Yeah.

01:33:27.240 I would say that it looks more like,

01:33:29.260 uh,

01:33:29.520 I mean,

01:33:29.900 yeah,

01:33:30.180 the more I look at this,

01:33:31.380 it just doesn't look anything like Kobe Bryant.

01:33:33.640 Right.

01:33:34.080 This looks like,

01:33:35.040 have you ever seen a good Kobe Bryant mural?

01:33:37.340 No,

01:33:37.760 they're all a little off.

01:33:38.700 Right.

01:33:40.140 That pissed me off.

01:33:42.060 Yeah.

01:33:42.420 This looks like right.

01:33:43.060 Yeah.

01:33:43.180 I think you're right on the run.

01:33:44.300 Our test.

01:33:44.800 It even,

01:33:45.100 I don't even know who the, 0.86

01:33:47.260 this is like a black,

01:33:48.120 like a black guy that would work like in an office or something.

01:33:50.500 I had like a FedEx brother.

01:33:52.760 Do you ever see that guy whooping at a gym and he's wearing all Michael Jordan,

01:33:55.500 head to toe?

01:33:56.360 It kind of looks like a little bit.

01:33:57.760 There should be a video.

01:33:58.300 He's like whooping out again,

01:33:59.120 24 hour fitness.

01:34:00.880 What else we got is that for the news?

01:34:04.900 Um,

01:34:05.460 California is about to ban Skittles.

01:34:07.580 Really?

01:34:08.280 Other candies.

01:34:09.160 Yeah.

01:34:09.560 Oh,

01:34:09.920 this is interesting.

01:34:11.060 Yeah.

01:34:11.560 Apparently they're kind of toxic. 0.99

01:34:13.460 I fucking love Skittles. 0.99

01:34:14.520 Skittles, 0.99

01:34:14.980 Pez,

01:34:15.440 hot tamales.

01:34:16.520 Um,

01:34:17.420 this is going to happen.

01:34:18.600 And many more popular candies.

01:34:19.880 The California assembly last week or will only passed assembly bill 418,

01:34:23.800 sending the legislation over to state Senate.

01:34:26.420 Um,

01:34:26.860 as long as they don't ban TikTok, 0.99

01:34:27.980 I don't really give a fuck with their ban. 0.98

01:34:29.880 Skittles is just funny. 0.99

01:34:31.420 It's like we have vape flavored Skittles.

01:34:33.500 Hot tamales too though.

01:34:34.500 Skittles flavored vapes.

01:34:35.240 Yeah.

01:34:35.360 Well,

01:34:35.500 I guess they have linked,

01:34:36.360 they're linked to cancer.

01:34:37.280 That's a big thing.

01:34:38.060 Skittles?

01:34:38.240 Skittles,

01:34:38.860 Skittles.

01:34:39.380 I mean,

01:34:39.700 allegedly that's why this is all kind of happening.

01:34:41.320 Is this our generations putting Coke and Coke back in the day?

01:34:46.240 Hmm.

01:34:46.860 You know?

01:34:47.900 Like was there cancer in the Skittles and they knew it or whatever?

01:34:50.700 Yeah.

01:34:51.180 What if?

01:34:51.700 I mean,

01:34:53.220 I think I'm like,

01:34:54.540 this is just,

01:34:55.180 something's just changed over time.

01:34:56.640 You know,

01:34:57.100 if the chemicals are bad,

01:34:58.380 then they're bad.

01:34:59.520 Who knows?

01:35:01.340 What's Skittles slogan?

01:35:03.140 Taste the rainbow.

01:35:03.980 Oh,

01:35:04.500 well,

01:35:04.760 we should get rid of that first before we do anything.

01:35:07.600 Yeah.

01:35:07.820 Especially on the,

01:35:08.500 on the heels of all the member,

01:35:10.100 all the Bud Light stuff,

01:35:11.300 which has been so crazy for them.

01:35:13.360 Aren't they doing like a camo can to like combat it?

01:35:16.100 Yeah.

01:35:16.700 I think they just do both.

01:35:17.860 It's camo rainbow,

01:35:19.960 a rainbow camo.

01:35:21.520 And just, 1.00

01:35:22.100 they fucked the free. 1.00

01:35:22.660 It would look like a four loco. 1.00

01:35:23.660 Honestly.

01:35:24.420 Yeah.

01:35:25.480 I miss a good four loco.

01:35:26.780 It's crazy.

01:35:27.620 How many,

01:35:28.060 but then also the craziest thing about the Bud Light thing is all they did was send that girl some beers,

01:35:32.620 right?

01:35:33.040 Or that guy,

01:35:34.440 Dylan.

01:35:34.620 I don't even know what happened.

01:35:36.060 They sent him some beers,

01:35:36.940 you know,

01:35:37.120 like sometimes like brands will send you stuff and they'll put your name on it or try to make it personalized to you so that you'll share it or make it a social thing.

01:35:44.100 That's what they did.

01:35:45.300 That's all they did.

01:35:46.320 Yeah.

01:35:47.660 But Mulvaney took it and said,

01:35:50.080 Oh,

01:35:50.320 they made me a spot.

01:35:51.380 Like Mulvaney is the one who blew it up.

01:35:54.500 All they did was send a little gift thing.

01:35:56.840 What did the,

01:35:57.660 I don't know if they paid Mulvaney or not.

01:35:59.900 What did the can look like?

01:36:00.920 Or that was the one.

01:36:01.840 That's it right there.

01:36:02.620 Oh,

01:36:02.900 wait,

01:36:03.680 I didn't even know what the can look like.

01:36:05.280 For some reason I thought it would,

01:36:06.540 uh,

01:36:07.420 what did,

01:36:08.280 huh?

01:36:09.160 Yeah,

01:36:09.360 that's it.

01:36:09.780 They just put her picture on a can.

01:36:11.180 So she then blows it up and then people,

01:36:13.560 you know,

01:36:14.020 now it's just so much bigger than what the,

01:36:15.840 like it.

01:36:16.480 Unbelievable.

01:36:17.120 The joke is so much bigger than what it actually was.

01:36:19.020 The only person it really behooved was,

01:36:20.900 um,

01:36:22.380 Herm.

01:36:23.800 Yeah.

01:36:24.200 And I mean,

01:36:24.460 Dylan probably made a lot of money off this and.

01:36:27.060 Well,

01:36:27.180 just a lot of hype and exposure.

01:36:28.720 Of course.

01:36:30.560 Yeah.

01:36:31.120 Yeah. 0.58

01:36:31.280 I believe that he's a gay male that's looking for clout,

01:36:34.620 but I don't know that.

01:36:35.980 Definitely.

01:36:36.340 It's just something that I believe and I could be wrong.

01:36:39.000 What do you think is that?

01:36:41.100 Um,

01:36:41.680 yeah,

01:36:42.000 I don't know.

01:36:42.640 I mean,

01:36:43.040 uh,

01:36:43.260 the thing is people,

01:36:44.180 people thought that this was being distributed nationwide.

01:36:47.420 And it wasn't.

01:36:48.120 And it wasn't.

01:36:48.800 So it's kind of a perfect example of like misinformation.

01:36:51.320 Like people didn't take any time to like read into it further.

01:36:54.000 It's just the joke was so much bigger than the actual story that now,

01:36:56.940 like anytime you see somebody drinking a Bud Light,

01:36:58.860 you're like,

01:36:59.080 Oh,

01:36:59.280 I better keep my pants on.

01:37:00.640 Or if I'm down,

01:37:01.620 you know,

01:37:01.920 like the,

01:37:03.360 it's almost fun now to it. 0.97

01:37:04.660 You could buy somebody a Bud Light if it's getting laid and you think they're gay. 0.96

01:37:08.120 Yeah. 0.93

01:37:08.480 I mean,

01:37:08.720 now,

01:37:09.140 now it's like,

01:37:09.760 it's past the point of a controversy where now it's just like funny at Bud Light.

01:37:13.080 It has nothing to do with Dylan.

01:37:13.900 It's more just like,

01:37:15.040 like,

01:37:15.180 it's funny.

01:37:15.580 Like send a group of dudes on a bachelor party at a Buffalo Wild Wings,

01:37:19.300 but Hey,

01:37:19.500 can we send them around a Bud Lights?

01:37:20.680 And then they get in,

01:37:21.480 they're like,

01:37:21.780 Oh, 1.00

01:37:22.100 I guess we're going to suck each other off now. 1.00

01:37:24.700 Just start going after it. 0.99

01:37:26.100 Like,

01:37:26.340 it's funnier now than the actual,

01:37:29.400 the,

01:37:29.780 the controversy,

01:37:30.660 I think.

01:37:30.880 Yeah,

01:37:31.140 I agree.

01:37:31.840 Yeah,

01:37:32.160 I agree.

01:37:32.500 It's almost just funny now.

01:37:33.560 It's like a funny thing.

01:37:34.480 It's crazy how quickly something goes from being like real serious to funny.

01:37:38.280 Now it's like,

01:37:38.800 it used to be that that probably would have taken two years.

01:37:42.000 Well now it's just the,

01:37:43.060 the name Bud Light is a joke in the same way that the name like Kyle or like Chad or some of

01:37:48.040 these big or Karen,

01:37:49.000 these big meme names are just forever implant implant.

01:37:52.440 That like,

01:37:53.480 like,

01:37:53.720 so now you'll never think of a Bud Light again.

01:37:55.140 The same.

01:37:55.640 Yeah.

01:37:55.980 And we'll be 93 in our chairs with dementia. 1.00

01:37:57.820 Be like fucking Bud Light. 1.00

01:37:59.100 And just talking to a brick wall, 1.00

01:38:00.680 you know, 0.98

01:38:01.080 Benjamin's gay. 0.53

01:38:02.660 You know, 0.91

01:38:03.060 we're just run our laps in our head of thoughts.

01:38:05.740 What else we got Zach?

01:38:07.040 What else is going on?

01:38:08.720 I can tell you this last night.

01:38:09.780 I was at a fireplace and a moth landed on the corner and then he just flew directly into

01:38:15.320 the fire.

01:38:16.420 I was like,

01:38:16.980 you were looking for the wrong light,

01:38:18.260 brother.

01:38:18.500 He's his time was done.

01:38:20.100 I saw him land.

01:38:20.880 I was like, 0.99

01:38:21.140 damn, 0.99

01:38:21.260 he's awfully close to the fire. 1.00

01:38:22.860 He contemplated it maybe like four seconds and then just be lined right into the flames.

01:38:27.480 It's kind of,

01:38:28.120 kind of sad,

01:38:28.800 but honestly,

01:38:29.200 I respect it.

01:38:30.280 Yeah.

01:38:30.680 Well,

01:38:30.900 I mean,

01:38:31.220 I think it's a lot of people how like addiction happens.

01:38:33.620 It's like,

01:38:34.020 you want something you feel,

01:38:35.520 it makes you feel warm.

01:38:36.960 It's a good light.

01:38:37.660 And you're like,

01:38:38.060 I'm going all the way in.

01:38:39.180 I didn't think about that.

01:38:39.860 He's like, 0.99

01:38:40.260 I'm fucking done with light bulbs. 0.98

01:38:41.820 Give me the brightest, 1.00

01:38:43.040 hottest shit you can find. 1.00

01:38:44.200 I want all the smoke. 1.00

01:38:45.240 Yeah.

01:38:45.920 God,

01:38:46.360 I kind of respect him a little bit.

01:38:47.520 I might get him tattooed on my bicep.

01:38:49.180 Yeah. 0.84

01:38:50.260 Mothy.

01:38:51.740 Dude,

01:38:52.140 I saw one time I was in church and a woman, 0.80

01:38:54.720 a butterfly came and landed on her face at church.

01:38:57.660 Really?

01:38:58.320 And she said,

01:38:58.800 oh,

01:38:58.860 that's my son.

01:38:59.460 He visits me every year.

01:39:00.280 He died this time like seven years ago.

01:39:02.840 Wow.

01:39:03.400 So it was at this crystal cathedral in Orange,

01:39:07.200 California.

01:39:07.960 And the doors of the church open,

01:39:09.740 like the whole wall opens so that butterfly,

01:39:13.920 so that like you can just,

01:39:15.580 the organ is like right there and it's just beautiful.

01:39:17.320 It's always nice.

01:39:18.480 That's awesome.

01:39:19.020 And this butterfly came all the way in and landed right on her cheek.

01:39:21.740 And she said,

01:39:22.480 that's my son.

01:39:23.180 He died in a motorcycle accident and he comes and visits me.

01:39:27.000 Well,

01:39:27.200 I would start tearing up on spot.

01:39:28.960 It was crazy,

01:39:29.620 man.

01:39:29.680 I got some pictures with her.

01:39:30.440 I got to go look and see if I had those pictures.

01:39:31.920 Yeah. 0.99

01:39:32.540 Damn. 0.99

01:39:32.900 Some pictures like this and she just got the butterfly on her cheek. 0.99

01:39:34.420 Did the butterfly ever come to you at all or?

01:39:36.500 No,

01:39:36.960 it kind of,

01:39:37.720 it stayed on her face for probably about 15 minutes.

01:39:40.860 Wow.

01:39:41.240 And then it left.

01:39:41.980 That'd be cool if you and the butterfly became boys.

01:39:44.100 Just left right out the same way it came in.

01:39:45.720 Yeah.

01:39:45.980 Could be interesting.

01:39:46.460 Yeah.

01:39:46.640 Videos like that would make me tear up also.

01:39:49.380 Yeah.

01:39:49.540 When's the last time you teared up you think?

01:39:51.020 Oh man.

01:39:51.760 Probably recently.

01:39:52.920 Yeah.

01:39:53.860 You know,

01:39:54.180 just a lot of stuff in my personal life and just kind of just figure,

01:39:56.820 I'm just trying to figure out like what and who I am,

01:39:58.820 I guess.

01:39:59.220 Like I know very much career wise,

01:40:01.920 but I think internally,

01:40:03.700 you know,

01:40:04.040 like I'm 30 and I'm like,

01:40:05.460 I don't have a family.

01:40:06.280 I don't really know what's going on.

01:40:07.400 And it's like,

01:40:08.320 sure.

01:40:08.660 I can drown my life out with work and,

01:40:11.320 you know,

01:40:11.420 I can always be like,

01:40:12.100 I have more tour dates,

01:40:13.040 make more videos,

01:40:13.800 edit this.

01:40:14.100 But it's like,

01:40:14.600 it's those moments where I'm sitting still.

01:40:16.140 I'm like,

01:40:16.420 what,

01:40:16.660 what am I doing this for?

01:40:18.560 Who,

01:40:18.720 who do I want to share this with?

01:40:20.260 You know? 0.99

01:40:20.780 Damn. 1.00

01:40:21.700 I don't know. 0.99

01:40:22.280 Not to get deep,

01:40:23.020 but it,

01:40:23.420 but I,

01:40:23.980 it's important.

01:40:24.740 Probably that or,

01:40:25.640 or if I see a video of like,

01:40:27.020 uh,

01:40:27.420 you know,

01:40:27.800 somebody coming home from the war and surprising their son at a baseball field,

01:40:31.340 that'll get me home,

01:40:33.120 dude,

01:40:33.460 coming home every time that,

01:40:36.540 or it's like the,

01:40:37.260 the Wiz Khalifa song.

01:40:39.580 Those always make me cry.

01:40:41.260 Those are those man.

01:40:42.980 Or like the dad walks into the baseball or,

01:40:45.160 uh,

01:40:45.400 to the classroom.

01:40:46.340 Oh,

01:40:46.760 I watch those anytime I need to adjust my feelings.

01:40:49.380 Those are the videos that I go to.

01:40:50.900 Those always make me feel just feel.

01:40:53.820 I just feel right there.

01:40:54.940 You know,

01:40:55.180 those are great.

01:40:55.800 You know,

01:40:55.960 videos I love watching for the opposite reasons is stolen.

01:40:58.680 Valor videos.

01:40:59.380 You ever seen those in the airport?

01:41:00.400 When the guy's like filming,

01:41:02.060 he was like,

01:41:02.280 Oh,

01:41:02.420 you serve too.

01:41:03.040 Nice.

01:41:03.400 Where'd you serve at?

01:41:04.280 And the guy's like,

01:41:05.120 uh,

01:41:05.680 St.

01:41:06.080 Petersburg.

01:41:06.540 And the guy's like,

01:41:07.000 really?

01:41:07.240 Cause if you did be on your left shoulder,

01:41:08.540 it starts going at him.

01:41:09.340 And then he's like,

01:41:10.220 so in valor,

01:41:11.580 the guy just trying to get a free Cinnabon at the airport.

01:41:14.300 I'm like,

01:41:14.680 God,

01:41:15.060 it's so, 0.92

01:41:15.440 it's such a loser thing to do. 0.88

01:41:17.520 Oh, 0.97

01:41:17.860 it's the,

01:41:18.440 when people do stolen valor,

01:41:19.820 they should make them have to do a week of bootcamp.

01:41:23.180 Oh,

01:41:23.460 that's like,

01:41:23.920 that's their punishment.

01:41:24.960 Dude,

01:41:25.360 the videos are just so funny.

01:41:26.660 Cause it's like,

01:41:27.080 what are you trying to do it for?

01:41:27.940 They always look like the guy at the top left.

01:41:29.640 Yeah.

01:41:30.040 It's always at a restaurant too.

01:41:31.680 Restaurant or the airport?

01:41:33.580 Because they're trying to get like a free meal or something.

01:41:35.480 Oh yeah.

01:41:36.040 That's what they're using it for.

01:41:37.560 Yeah.

01:41:37.860 That or like respect or second,

01:41:39.280 like board the plane first.

01:41:40.560 That's just too many hacks,

01:41:41.660 man.

01:41:41.760 If you're hacking the world this much,

01:41:43.400 you got to shut it down,

01:41:44.580 bro.

01:41:45.100 Yeah.

01:41:45.440 It's just,

01:41:46.700 I don't know,

01:41:47.460 man.

01:41:47.780 It's there's better ways to do it.

01:41:49.580 Like don't wear,

01:41:50.520 like,

01:41:50.800 like I would just wear a t-shirt that says like organ donor.

01:41:53.200 Somebody will help you out.

01:41:54.720 Yeah.

01:41:54.940 That's a good point.

01:41:55.560 And that's not stolen valor.

01:41:56.680 If you aren't,

01:41:57.320 maybe it is.

01:41:57.880 The craziest stolen valor is when you see somebody wearing like a, 0.77

01:42:01.060 uh,

01:42:01.540 Travis Kelsey Jersey and they're not,

01:42:04.220 it's like,

01:42:04.560 and they're not Travis.

01:42:05.520 Not a chance,

01:42:06.640 bro.

01:42:07.720 Yeah.

01:42:08.100 But the video is always so funny.

01:42:09.120 Cause they,

01:42:09.680 you can tell they did their research up to a certain point,

01:42:12.680 but they're not even as healthy as Randy Travis.

01:42:15.060 Yeah.

01:42:15.320 Right.

01:42:16.180 Bring up Randy Travis.

01:42:18.720 Yeah.

01:42:19.120 I just,

01:42:19.480 it's so funny to me.

01:42:21.440 And God bless Randy Travis.

01:42:22.840 He's an amazing singer.

01:42:23.740 Um,

01:42:24.660 he has a disability.

01:42:25.900 What is it called?

01:42:26.640 He's got something.

01:42:27.760 Men,

01:42:28.020 uh,

01:42:28.360 I didn't know that.

01:42:30.180 Lou,

01:42:30.660 uh,

01:42:31.820 what's he got?

01:42:32.200 Lou,

01:42:32.560 uh,

01:42:32.880 Lou Gehrig's.

01:42:33.680 Maybe Lou Gehrig's.

01:42:34.720 Yeah.

01:42:35.780 Or somebody Gehrig's.

01:42:37.060 What's he got?

01:42:37.920 He had a stroke.

01:42:38.800 Oh,

01:42:38.980 he had a stroke. 1.00

01:42:40.400 Damn. 1.00

01:42:40.860 My bad. 1.00

01:42:42.100 But he's got,

01:42:43.100 yeah.

01:42:43.580 Yeah.

01:42:43.920 But if you see somebody in a rant,

01:42:45.300 yeah.

01:42:45.460 And a Travis Kelsey Jersey and they're not even Travis Kelsey.

01:42:49.420 They're not.

01:42:49.880 Yeah.

01:42:50.020 And they're not even Randy.

01:42:51.020 They're not even like,

01:42:51.940 you know,

01:42:52.280 they're not even Travis Pastrana.

01:42:54.020 Yeah.

01:42:54.940 And he's deceased.

01:42:56.000 Didn't he?

01:42:56.620 No,

01:42:56.900 no.

01:42:57.100 He's a lot.

01:42:58.260 Yeah.

01:42:58.380 He's,

01:42:58.720 he's very,

01:42:59.400 yeah.

01:42:59.600 So they,

01:43:00.180 uh,

01:43:00.520 so anyway,

01:43:00.880 that kind of stuff to me is some real stolen valor.

01:43:03.360 What makes you laugh or what makes you cry?

01:43:05.700 Well,

01:43:05.980 let's do both sides.

01:43:07.840 Well,

01:43:08.740 I mean,

01:43:09.020 what you're saying,

01:43:09.620 I think about like not knowing like what's going,

01:43:11.820 like,

01:43:12.080 what am I doing this for? 1.00

01:43:14.040 Fuck dude, 1.00

01:43:14.760 that shit can. 1.00

01:43:15.660 I find my emotions get really high like that. 1.00

01:43:19.040 And then I kind of calm myself down.

01:43:20.520 I'm like,

01:43:20.900 it doesn't matter what,

01:43:22.100 if I don't know the answers today,

01:43:23.560 that's fine.

01:43:24.360 And then I can like walk myself through,

01:43:25.680 but it starts off high.

01:43:26.600 Then I like walk myself through it.

01:43:28.000 Yeah.

01:43:28.580 And then I saw that moth go straight into that fire.

01:43:30.700 I was thinking about this last night.

01:43:31.400 Actually,

01:43:31.880 I saw a moth go right into the fire.

01:43:33.200 I was like, 0.99

01:43:33.560 damn, 0.98

01:43:34.600 maybe that's, 1.00

01:43:36.120 I don't know.

01:43:36.740 Everybody has their own journey.

01:43:37.980 Whoa.

01:43:38.520 Whoa.

01:43:39.100 Brother.

01:43:39.660 That moth was not feeling it,

01:43:41.340 but yeah,

01:43:41.940 I don't know.

01:43:42.300 I think that's,

01:43:43.500 I usually feel that,

01:43:45.560 then I can walk myself through it.

01:43:47.360 Yeah.

01:43:47.520 That's fine.

01:43:48.160 Well,

01:43:48.340 it can keep going.

01:43:49.180 That's the thing.

01:43:49.640 If you don't get an idea of what you want to do,

01:43:51.700 then whatever you're doing will just continue.

01:43:54.260 I noticed that for myself.

01:43:55.560 It's like,

01:43:55.880 I work all the time.

01:43:57.300 I mean,

01:43:57.580 last night I'm messaging Zach at freaking midnight about something.

01:44:00.580 Yeah.

01:44:00.700 You know,

01:44:01.180 it just can't shut the brain off.

01:44:02.380 I'm the same way.

01:44:02.860 And I'm so,

01:44:03.960 so thankful that I knew what I wanted to do at a young age.

01:44:08.360 Like I,

01:44:08.780 the fact that I'm more lost in life than I am with career,

01:44:11.720 you know,

01:44:12.960 it's a blessing.

01:44:13.300 Cause the other ways it can,

01:44:14.240 can be just,

01:44:15.260 it's just a different way,

01:44:16.200 but yeah,

01:44:16.460 I mean,

01:44:16.640 it's the grass always greener.

01:44:17.740 It's like,

01:44:17.900 you have the perfect family relationship, 1.00

01:44:19.020 but you're fucking, 1.00

01:44:19.900 you know, 0.99

01:44:20.140 you work at H and R block and you're like,

01:44:21.780 I want it to be a balloon animal artist.

01:44:23.660 Yeah. 0.99

01:44:24.460 And now you're in the bathroom blowing up goddamn Trojans, 1.00

01:44:26.560 making snakes. 1.00

01:44:27.640 Oh yeah.

01:44:28.260 Drug mule.

01:44:29.620 Yeah.

01:44:30.300 So I don't know.

01:44:31.300 I,

01:44:31.540 I don't think I ever have to know what's really going on.

01:44:33.900 You just take it day by day.

01:44:35.280 Oh yeah,

01:44:35.740 dude.

01:44:36.000 I think sometimes bro.

01:44:37.600 Uh,

01:44:38.000 but I noticed if you don't have an idea or get an idea at some point,

01:44:41.100 you'll just continue.

01:44:41.860 Like I just continue to work.

01:44:43.260 My life continues to be kind of the same cycle.

01:44:45.300 Some of it is because like,

01:44:47.680 uh,

01:44:48.080 like just being late to figuring out what's going on with myself,

01:44:51.800 you know,

01:44:52.480 whereas now as I do start to look at it a little bit more,

01:44:54.600 like I want a family or I'm alone by myself.

01:44:56.380 And it's like,

01:44:56.820 man,

01:44:57.000 after a while,

01:44:57.540 this gets boring.

01:44:58.560 Right.

01:44:58.960 You know,

01:44:59.340 or,

01:44:59.920 uh,

01:45:00.060 you want to have somebody to share like a nice time with,

01:45:02.540 you know,

01:45:02.920 but then you have a family and you go to Disneyland,

01:45:04.560 all of a sudden some dude's swinging on you.

01:45:05.980 Yeah.

01:45:06.180 And then you're like,

01:45:06.560 God, 0.99

01:45:06.680 I wish I was fucking single. 0.99

01:45:07.800 So there's no, 0.98

01:45:09.420 you know,

01:45:10.100 there's no perfect way.

01:45:11.500 There isn't.

01:45:12.280 And that's what I think you find out just in time.

01:45:14.240 You just find out what you like and what you don't like.

01:45:15.840 And you try to tend to what you like as much as you can.

01:45:18.180 Yeah.

01:45:18.600 Do you think you would ever leave your wife and children?

01:45:21.660 Definitely.

01:45:24.900 Respect.

01:45:25.840 Would you ever leave your wife and kids?

01:45:28.380 I believe that if I don't want to,

01:45:32.740 I'm going to say that right now.

01:45:33.820 I do not want to leave you guys.

01:45:35.220 Wherever they are.

01:45:37.920 Yeah.

01:45:38.600 And I,

01:45:40.680 dude,

01:45:41.180 I used to write postcards to my kids like that.

01:45:43.500 I like years ago,

01:45:44.360 I'd write postcards,

01:45:45.700 even though I didn't even have them.

01:45:46.940 Where would you send them?

01:45:47.920 Just to my own address and like save them for my kids from when I get older or whatever.

01:45:51.980 That's crazy,

01:45:52.860 right?

01:45:53.180 Did you have their names already picked out or it'd be like insert name?

01:45:56.060 I can't remember if I put their names first.

01:45:58.200 I think I just put dear name here.

01:46:00.720 Yeah.

01:46:03.000 A little Vaughn,

01:46:04.340 something,

01:46:04.760 you know,

01:46:04.960 yeah.

01:46:05.100 A little Vaughn Gertrude.

01:46:06.820 Yeah.

01:46:07.200 I can't remember. 0.99

01:46:08.340 Unborn or something like fucking weird. 0.99

01:46:10.300 Yeah. 0.99

01:46:10.360 Yeah.

01:46:10.800 But cause I think part of me always wanted probably to have children,

01:46:13.540 but I,

01:46:13.880 I could never see any way how I was going to get there from where I was,

01:46:17.360 where I was at.

01:46:17.960 Well,

01:46:18.100 what happens with me,

01:46:18.860 I was with a couple recently and they've been together for five years.

01:46:22.140 They got a kid on the way and hearing them talk made me realize how far away I am from where they are in life.

01:46:27.660 You know,

01:46:28.360 they're like,

01:46:28.560 Oh,

01:46:28.620 we're getting married next year.

01:46:29.920 We just had a kid.

01:46:30.740 And like the way they would talk,

01:46:31.840 like she would start talking and then he'd be like,

01:46:33.780 do you want,

01:46:34.700 should I finish the story?

01:46:35.640 Cause you're telling me wrong.

01:46:36.320 I'll,

01:46:36.480 I'll finish the story.

01:46:37.360 Then they're like going back.

01:46:38.280 They're like arguing with each other and they bring it to you.

01:46:40.520 And like,

01:46:41.020 I was so disconnected to where those two were at in life of a family.

01:46:45.520 And like,

01:46:46.400 you know,

01:46:46.880 if a family was like a,

01:46:48.260 like a pie chart,

01:46:49.100 like they had so much more pie than me.

01:46:50.780 Like I had just a little sliver.

01:46:52.040 Yeah.

01:46:52.180 You were more all a mode,

01:46:53.320 huh?

01:46:53.480 Yeah.

01:46:53.680 I was on the side.

01:46:54.480 I was a little,

01:46:55.000 I was a little raspberry on the side hanging out.

01:46:57.540 Well,

01:46:57.940 I think,

01:46:58.320 but also for some people,

01:46:59.360 there's different paths,

01:47:00.460 you know,

01:47:00.880 and it's hard to battle with whatever your path has been.

01:47:04.100 You know,

01:47:04.620 it's like,

01:47:05.180 I felt like when I was a kid,

01:47:06.580 like I just didn't have like a lot of affection and stuff at home.

01:47:08.980 But then as an adult,

01:47:09.980 like you're saying,

01:47:10.780 I got a lot more like affection is from strangers,

01:47:13.300 you know?

01:47:13.740 So it's almost like you just never really know what the path for life is going to be.

01:47:17.800 That's true.

01:47:18.680 You know,

01:47:19.000 you might like Robert Downey Johnson or whatever,

01:47:21.520 just had a kid at 79 years old,

01:47:23.340 right?

01:47:23.740 De Niro.

01:47:24.480 Robert De Niro.

01:47:25.420 Did he really?

01:47:26.080 Yeah.

01:47:26.740 Or whatever.

01:47:27.200 He ain't backed up down there?

01:47:28.660 I know.

01:47:29.140 He just had a kid,

01:47:29.980 man.

01:47:30.900 Wow.

01:47:31.400 Yeah,

01:47:31.660 Robert.

01:47:32.040 Well,

01:47:32.220 how old your dad was old?

01:47:33.320 My dad was 70.

01:47:34.140 Yeah.

01:47:34.440 So you were doing,

01:47:35.080 so he was following the footsteps of your father.

01:47:37.900 Yeah.

01:47:38.200 I mean,

01:47:38.540 my dad,

01:47:38.900 I mean,

01:47:39.060 and this is nine years later.

01:47:40.100 That's crazy.

01:47:40.740 I remember my dad would tell me stories about kids in his village,

01:47:43.760 like eating dirt.

01:47:44.760 They were starving.

01:47:46.020 That's how you know he's old.

01:47:47.000 Village is crazy.

01:47:49.220 There he is right there. 0.99

01:47:50.460 He's still pumping.

01:47:51.200 Is that his wife?

01:47:52.100 And he's hammering on that mixed yam,

01:47:53.840 homie.

01:47:54.220 Yeah.

01:47:54.400 Look at us,

01:47:54.820 his lady.

01:47:55.500 Oh,

01:47:55.820 yeah.

01:47:56.640 Gang,

01:47:57.100 baby. 1.00

01:47:57.460 Damn. 1.00

01:47:58.720 I feel like after he busts one, 1.00

01:48:00.100 he does like,

01:48:00.500 he like hops on his glasses and like polishes on like a silk t-shirt.

01:48:05.260 Yeah.

01:48:06.000 What's the,

01:48:06.500 oh,

01:48:06.720 that's good. 0.97

01:48:07.080 What's the best post ejaculate move? 0.97

01:48:12.560 I would say finger pistols or a gainer flip into a hot tub. 0.87

01:48:17.000 The flip where you run backwards.

01:48:19.240 What is that?

01:48:19.900 It's a forward facing back flip.

01:48:21.620 That's crazy,

01:48:22.660 if you come and then just do a gainer flip into a body of water,

01:48:26.360 you get knocked up and that son is addicted to vape early.

01:48:29.920 Here's a crazy thing.

01:48:31.200 These days,

01:48:31.800 somebody who can do a forward back flip,

01:48:33.700 like you're saying,

01:48:34.840 is looked at more prestigiously than somebody who's serving in the military.

01:48:38.720 Oh,

01:48:38.940 dude.

01:48:39.220 I mean,

01:48:39.660 if I see you do that,

01:48:41.380 you're in my will. 1.00

01:48:42.800 I don't give a fuck. 1.00

01:48:43.700 You earn part of what I earn forever. 0.99

01:48:46.040 You're more important than my agent and manager.

01:48:48.140 Bro,

01:48:49.620 it's so crazy how one little thing that somebody can do.

01:48:52.920 Yeah.

01:48:53.040 What's the craziest thing?

01:48:54.400 I think,

01:48:55.100 uh,

01:48:56.140 Oh,

01:48:56.480 one thing that's crazy is if you say I'm going to the restroom,

01:48:58.560 you go hide in their apartment.

01:49:00.260 It's just anywhere.

01:49:01.340 Yeah.

01:49:02.020 Just in the pantry,

01:49:03.020 eating the biscos.

01:49:04.060 Well,

01:49:04.220 you hide in that to go look for you.

01:49:05.680 Like,

01:49:05.780 Oh,

01:49:06.000 it's high. 1.00

01:49:06.300 This person is a fucking psycho. 1.00

01:49:08.440 I'm definitely taking plan B after this person. 1.00

01:49:10.920 And then you forgot it's your apartment and they just leave for seven hours.

01:49:14.540 What do you think?

01:49:15.460 What do you think a girl would get the most turned on? 1.00

01:49:17.140 Like what moves do you think you could do that would like,

01:49:18.980 she'd be like,

01:49:19.280 Oh my God,

01:49:19.860 Theo's so much more attractive than I thought.

01:49:22.460 Like what's a move besides hiding?

01:49:24.060 I don't know.

01:49:24.740 I don't have a lot of strong moves.

01:49:26.760 I think I like the wifi,

01:49:28.060 maybe kissing on the neck a little bit.

01:49:29.800 I like on you or you to her.

01:49:32.640 Me to her. 0.98

01:49:33.300 I like kissing on a woman neck. 1.00

01:49:34.620 Probably. 0.99

01:49:35.480 Unless you got too much.

01:49:40.480 Perfume on there.

01:49:41.440 Oh yeah.

01:49:41.940 God dang. 1.00

01:49:42.800 Some ladies put that shit on bro. 1.00

01:49:44.700 Right. 1.00

01:49:45.380 Your tongue goes numb.

01:49:46.360 You got fentanyl on your neck.

01:49:47.860 I know. 1.00

01:49:48.400 Damn bro. 1.00

01:49:49.980 Some lady, 1.00

01:49:50.720 that shit is too much bro. 1.00

01:49:52.120 It's a little heavy. 1.00

01:49:52.620 But I like it.

01:49:53.220 The next day,

01:49:53.660 if like the pillow kind of smells like her, 0.99

01:49:55.720 that's some shit where I'm like, 1.00

01:49:57.120 that's wife. 1.00

01:49:58.440 That's wife and stuff. 1.00

01:50:00.240 That's how like,

01:50:01.440 like I,

01:50:02.080 I met up with my ex a couple of months.

01:50:04.600 After we had broken up in that scent was the same scent.

01:50:09.020 And it brought back so many memories.

01:50:11.040 It's just like,

01:50:11.700 it's just,

01:50:12.140 it's just associate,

01:50:13.300 you know?

01:50:14.140 Yeah.

01:50:14.500 We had a chick at our school. 0.96

01:50:15.560 They used to go to school and she put that orange bathroom cleaner,

01:50:18.520 you know,

01:50:18.680 that smell that's in all the bathrooms.

01:50:20.400 Fabulosa?

01:50:21.260 Oh no.

01:50:21.940 No,

01:50:22.140 no,

01:50:22.200 no.

01:50:22.480 It was just very generic orange bathroom cleaner.

01:50:25.500 I think it was called that too.

01:50:26.860 Generic orange bathroom cleaner.

01:50:28.220 Yeah.

01:50:28.420 Something just like that.

01:50:29.480 By Nabisco.

01:50:30.220 Yeah.

01:50:30.580 Yeah.

01:50:30.760 It was a government scent. 1.00

01:50:32.120 She put that shit on. 1.00

01:50:34.080 Oh, 1.00

01:50:34.320 Ajax?

01:50:34.920 And I would smell it.

01:50:35.960 No,

01:50:36.220 no,

01:50:36.400 this is way too commercialized.

01:50:37.860 A lot of that.

01:50:38.320 Uh.

01:50:39.760 And she would put it on?

01:50:40.780 Yeah.

01:50:41.320 Wow.

01:50:42.260 Maybe that was it.

01:50:43.040 Up one.

01:50:43.800 Smelling like vitamin C.

01:50:44.980 Up one.

01:50:45.020 And to the left.

01:50:48.120 Something like that.

01:50:49.040 Eco orange.

01:50:49.540 Yeah.

01:50:49.960 Yeah. 1.00

01:50:50.740 She put that fucking eco orange on at school. 0.99

01:50:53.260 I like the scent of the pink soap they got in the schools. 0.99

01:50:56.080 That stuff's good.

01:50:56.680 That stuff was nice.

01:50:57.480 It tastes like a,

01:50:58.480 like a,

01:50:58.940 like,

01:50:59.480 like Robitussin.

01:51:00.480 Oh,

01:51:00.680 you're not supposed to taste it.

01:51:03.260 Hmm.

01:51:04.060 But.

01:51:04.620 I used to huff a lot of things as a child.

01:51:06.900 God,

01:51:07.280 yeah,

01:51:07.440 there you go.

01:51:07.860 Right there.

01:51:08.180 Get that.

01:51:08.640 The one you,

01:51:09.080 yeah.

01:51:09.540 That's the stuff we're looking at.

01:51:10.980 Yeah. 1.00

01:51:11.300 That's the shit. 1.00

01:51:11.680 But like the scent to that. 1.00

01:51:13.060 It reminds me of the dentist's office,

01:51:14.500 but like in a good way.

01:51:15.900 Advantage chemicals,

01:51:16.920 it was called.

01:51:18.100 Dude. 0.99

01:51:18.460 They did not put any fucking work into that name. 0.99

01:51:20.840 Like it's a contest, 0.99

01:51:22.240 dude.

01:51:22.680 Advantage chemicals.

01:51:23.340 You just knew you were going to lose.

01:51:24.280 That's at a crime scene.

01:51:25.200 You pour that over a dead body and the body just disintegrates.

01:51:27.780 Oh,

01:51:27.960 that's that Dexter sauce.

01:51:29.240 I mean,

01:51:29.380 that's all that is.

01:51:30.360 What other news we got?

01:51:31.480 There's a ton of stories on there.

01:51:32.620 Can I go pee real quick?

01:51:33.360 Yeah.

01:51:33.540 Let's go piss, 0.87

01:51:34.200 man.

01:51:34.520 Take a break.

01:51:36.140 What else?

01:51:36.500 You've been dating?

01:51:37.220 What have you been doing?

01:51:38.060 Because last time we saw each other,

01:51:39.380 we went to Young Gravy's,

01:51:40.280 remember?

01:51:40.660 Oh,

01:51:40.880 yeah.

01:51:41.180 Yeah.

01:51:41.480 I saw you with Young Gravy.

01:51:42.440 I was seeing it late at that point.

01:51:45.300 Yeah.

01:51:45.460 I'm kind of just trying to figure things out right now.

01:51:47.540 I'm really just,

01:51:48.300 I'm filming a special in July.

01:51:49.900 So I'm really just trying to focus on everything,

01:51:51.300 just comedy related right now.

01:51:52.700 Just,

01:51:53.440 but it's hard.

01:51:54.020 Cause you know,

01:51:54.440 you,

01:51:54.640 like you said,

01:51:55.580 you're like,

01:51:55.860 man,

01:51:55.980 I like going on dates.

01:51:57.880 It's fun.

01:51:58.280 It's like,

01:51:58.580 it's fun to kind of build up,

01:51:59.820 you know,

01:52:00.160 chemistry with people,

01:52:00.880 seeing if it's working or not and whatnot.

01:52:02.320 But,

01:52:03.120 um,

01:52:03.720 sometimes,

01:52:04.200 yeah,

01:52:04.280 you just like,

01:52:04.740 you have a show and like,

01:52:05.900 you meet a really cool chick and you're like,

01:52:07.200 all right,

01:52:07.380 let's feel this out.

01:52:08.000 Like sometimes you don't even want to date,

01:52:09.740 but somebody gets brought into your life and you're like,

01:52:11.180 Oh,

01:52:11.440 let me,

01:52:11.780 let me see what's going on here.

01:52:13.580 Um,

01:52:13.900 do you have a process for not wasting your time and their time a little bit?

01:52:17.920 Uh,

01:52:18.260 I think I'm getting,

01:52:19.640 I don't know.

01:52:20.960 I like,

01:52:22.160 do you do a call first?

01:52:23.440 Usually do you do anything like that?

01:52:25.140 Are you just kind of,

01:52:26.760 um,

01:52:27.280 no,

01:52:28.900 I wish,

01:52:29.480 do you,

01:52:30.180 I know some people like FaceTime before,

01:52:31.620 but that's so weird.

01:52:33.260 It feels weird,

01:52:34.180 but if it saves everybody the time,

01:52:36.060 it's true.

01:52:36.700 I don't know if I have a plan.

01:52:38.280 I should have a better plan.

01:52:39.520 I need to start to have a plan.

01:52:41.000 I think if I want to get a wife and family,

01:52:43.180 like not that I can choose what's going to happen.

01:52:45.640 Cause you don't know what's going to happen.

01:52:47.120 Right.

01:52:47.540 But I think I should have at least like some,

01:52:49.900 uh,

01:52:50.520 a little bit of a,

01:52:52.220 like a pattern I'd like to follow to help myself.

01:52:54.580 Yeah.

01:52:54.700 I kind of feel it out.

01:52:55.420 Just like you can kind of feel it like through texting.

01:52:56.980 Like what type of person that is,

01:52:58.160 but like some people we talk to there,

01:52:59.960 they got it all mapped out.

01:53:00.940 I don't have like that.

01:53:01.580 They're like first date.

01:53:02.600 You go to drinks.

01:53:03.280 It's an easy in.

01:53:04.040 It's an easy out.

01:53:04.780 Second date park free,

01:53:06.740 cheap,

01:53:07.140 get out third date.

01:53:08.100 Then you have food.

01:53:09.180 And it's like,

01:53:09.480 it's all mapped out.

01:53:10.240 I kind of just feel it out.

01:53:11.300 Yeah.

01:53:11.580 Like I'll take a girl to a steakhouse four minutes in. 1.00

01:53:14.560 I'll be like,

01:53:15.160 we don't need to be here.

01:53:17.260 Yeah.

01:53:17.580 You know,

01:53:18.020 or she'll say something.

01:53:18.740 She's like,

01:53:19.020 Oh,

01:53:19.140 we could have just watched the sunset.

01:53:20.380 You're like,

01:53:20.780 that's just free.

01:53:22.120 You're like steak mistake. 1.00

01:53:24.220 God damn. 1.00

01:53:24.980 Send this back. 1.00

01:53:25.820 It's medium rare.

01:53:27.080 Send me back.

01:53:28.700 Uh,

01:53:29.100 I don't really have a process.

01:53:30.080 I don't know.

01:53:30.720 I don't really know what's going on in life.

01:53:32.380 A lot of times really.

01:53:34.000 Um,

01:53:34.520 yeah,

01:53:34.960 I think it's,

01:53:35.700 well,

01:53:35.800 it's just interesting,

01:53:36.540 especially these days.

01:53:37.400 I think we're all so like on social media.

01:53:40.780 We're all on,

01:53:41.660 like we're constantly being entertained by stuff.

01:53:43.560 Right.

01:53:43.840 Correct.

01:53:44.200 There's so much entertainment.

01:53:45.360 Like you can turn on your phone at any point.

01:53:47.660 You can see like an amazing goal being scored.

01:53:50.860 Someone,

01:53:51.480 uh,

01:53:52.280 battling something severe in their life.

01:53:54.820 Somebody,

01:53:55.260 uh,

01:53:55.700 doing a go fund me.

01:53:56.720 Somebody lost their arms,

01:53:58.040 legs,

01:53:58.720 head.

01:53:59.400 I saw the other day,

01:54:00.000 some guy,

01:54:00.340 he lost his arms,

01:54:01.220 legs and head.

01:54:02.180 You can also watch a man getting head in a thing.

01:54:04.700 Yeah.

01:54:05.360 And you can do go fund me for both.

01:54:07.760 It's crazy how much stimulation your brain is thrown at you all at once.

01:54:10.880 It's the best of everything.

01:54:12.240 Right.

01:54:12.460 All in a few minutes,

01:54:13.080 but then you shut it off and you come back to whatever your regular life is.

01:54:16.800 And usually I think in that time when your brain would have been kind of processing what's going on in your own life,

01:54:22.780 because your brain's kind of a processor,

01:54:24.440 right?

01:54:24.640 It wants to organize things.

01:54:26.200 Of course.

01:54:26.420 Your brain wants to organize things like that's,

01:54:28.320 it's like modus operandi.

01:54:30.120 Like that's,

01:54:30.560 it's what it does.

01:54:31.300 It like notices patterns.

01:54:32.840 It organizes things.

01:54:33.920 So you have the best,

01:54:35.320 most comfortable way to live and survive.

01:54:37.440 Right.

01:54:37.640 That's like what his whole job is.

01:54:39.400 Yeah.

01:54:39.600 So I think usually when we're relaxing or resting or giving our brain time to kind of process and we're not just constantly entertained,

01:54:47.940 I think that's what it is.

01:54:48.880 Then we are able to have more things figured out.

01:54:52.560 Whereas I think now when we're just doing constant entertainment,

01:54:55.900 you're not getting as much figured out like in the background.

01:54:59.100 You're never giving your brain a chance to openly think.

01:55:02.300 That's why I had to return the books.

01:55:03.500 It's like,

01:55:03.760 you know,

01:55:03.960 at the library,

01:55:04.500 you see all the stacks of books that were returned.

01:55:06.180 Yep.

01:55:06.360 And you're like, 1.00

01:55:06.960 damn, 0.99

01:55:07.340 this is my, 1.00

01:55:07.900 the book I really like could be in there,

01:55:09.460 but I don't even know.

01:55:10.480 Yeah.

01:55:10.840 We're not giving our brain a chance to return your books. 1.00

01:55:12.700 We're just fucking opening up millions of fucking books. 0.99

01:55:14.980 There's not anything on the shelf anymore. 0.99

01:55:16.460 Exactly.

01:55:17.140 Tons of books.

01:55:18.340 You're just throwing books to the shelf and they fall right off.

01:55:20.600 Yeah. 0.99

01:55:21.380 Dewey Decimal is shooting up in the fucking, 1.00

01:55:23.480 in the corner. 0.99

01:55:24.820 Like long division has been talked to in a long time.

01:55:27.880 That boy turned into ketamine ASAP down by the Hudson.

01:55:31.400 But that's really kind of a neat analogy.

01:55:32.960 I didn't think about that before,

01:55:33.820 but that's kind of what it's like.

01:55:34.960 It is because all those thoughts are in your brain,

01:55:37.320 but you,

01:55:38.160 you're just,

01:55:38.720 you're distracting it with social media.

01:55:41.320 And I mean,

01:55:41.960 it's,

01:55:42.300 it is wild. 0.99

01:55:43.040 And that's why like people fucking lose their mind, 0.99

01:55:45.480 you know, 0.97

01:55:45.640 on a plane before you can't take off and there's no like,

01:55:47.940 there's no like wifi yet,

01:55:49.360 or you can't open up your laptop.

01:55:50.880 The dark 11,

01:55:51.460 they call it that dark 11 minutes.

01:55:52.480 Oh,

01:55:52.500 do they?

01:55:52.900 Yeah.

01:55:53.240 Yeah.

01:55:53.480 But that's who you are in that 11 minutes is who you really are,

01:55:57.500 who you are when your phone is dead.

01:55:59.300 That's who you really are.

01:56:00.580 When you're just sitting there at an IHOP with a dead phone and you got to

01:56:04.000 make eye contact with the lady with one eye, 0.99

01:56:06.060 I'll take the flapjack and what the fuck happened there? 0.97

01:56:09.320 But like those moments, 0.99

01:56:10.560 it's like I did that last night when I was sitting by the fireplace.

01:56:13.700 I,

01:56:14.180 I didn't have my phone and I just wanted to just,

01:56:16.640 I just wanted to,

01:56:18.400 I've been traveling so much.

01:56:19.760 I kind of like lost my own narrative a little bit,

01:56:23.480 and I just was like,

01:56:24.360 what,

01:56:24.620 what,

01:56:24.880 what is important right now?

01:56:26.060 What do I want to focus on?

01:56:27.680 And I just stared into the fire and it's just like,

01:56:30.480 I had every thought that I've been neglecting.

01:56:33.280 It felt nice.

01:56:34.180 It's kind of like when people do mushrooms,

01:56:35.540 it's like those thoughts get brought to the surface.

01:56:39.000 Yeah.

01:56:39.120 I'm trying to think of one of my favorite times on mushrooms ever.

01:56:43.020 I like being on a bird scooter,

01:56:44.400 a little buzz.

01:56:45.180 Oh,

01:56:45.580 I know that's illegal, 0.99

01:56:46.520 but it feels fucking. 0.98

01:56:47.980 Is it illegal? 0.99

01:56:48.580 I feel like they only work if you have a buzz.

01:56:50.120 Right.

01:56:50.640 Dude,

01:56:50.900 I remember when we were as children,

01:56:53.260 they had,

01:56:54.000 we did some LSD or mushrooms,

01:56:57.180 right?

01:56:57.980 Or,

01:56:58.340 one of the two or LSD.

01:57:02.660 And we went to the Waffle House and it was the first time we'd seen a gay dude,

01:57:06.340 right? 0.86

01:57:06.680 Or a ledge gay or whatever. 0.98

01:57:08.520 At Waffle House? 0.98

01:57:09.300 Yeah.

01:57:09.640 Or just in general?

01:57:10.780 I can't remember,

01:57:12.280 but it was the first time we'd seen a gay dude like this close to like a kitchen. 0.95

01:57:15.620 Right.

01:57:16.580 And it was,

01:57:17.860 they had,

01:57:20.620 or it was like the first time we'd seen like a gay dude with like a menu,

01:57:25.400 you know?

01:57:25.880 Okay.

01:57:26.420 So,

01:57:27.580 my buddy started just laughing so hard.

01:57:30.260 We were just on drugs,

01:57:31.240 right?

01:57:31.380 We were laughing so hard.

01:57:32.700 The guy thought that he was choking,

01:57:34.800 right?

01:57:35.000 Because of how he was laughing.

01:57:36.140 Like he was like laughing so much.

01:57:37.600 He was like almost spitting up.

01:57:39.100 Yeah.

01:57:39.300 So he starts doing the Heimlich maneuver on,

01:57:41.620 right?

01:57:41.740 On your buddy?

01:57:41.980 A dude that we had just thought was gay.

01:57:43.780 So now the whole restaurant is like,

01:57:46.840 what's going on here?

01:57:48.360 Let's almost say restaurant.

01:57:51.500 This is where like,

01:57:52.480 this is normal Waffle House behavior.

01:57:54.160 This is where people,

01:57:55.360 and in our town,

01:57:55.960 like they had a long bridge near our town.

01:57:57.500 It was the longest bridge in the world for a while.

01:57:59.200 And it dropped off.

01:58:00.500 One end of it was by our town.

01:58:02.180 Nice.

01:58:02.660 And the,

01:58:03.120 so the police,

01:58:04.900 everybody,

01:58:05.220 they called on that bridge drunk drive and they would drop off at this

01:58:08.580 Waffle House. 1.00

01:58:09.420 So it was like a fucking, 1.00

01:58:10.720 that was your drunk tank was a Waffle House. 1.00

01:58:12.260 Yeah.

01:58:12.740 I mean,

01:58:13.200 if I was drunk,

01:58:13.780 I would definitely stay.

01:58:14.700 So it was like a booze.

01:58:15.600 That's actually smart.

01:58:16.360 Yeah. 0.99

01:58:16.700 It was a booze zoo for fucking just, 1.00

01:58:19.800 just derelicts, 1.00

01:58:21.460 you know?

01:58:21.820 So anyway,

01:58:22.580 this, 0.99

01:58:22.900 but this alleged gay dude is just fucking high. 1.00

01:58:26.580 I'm looking at my buddy. 1.00

01:58:27.140 Who's not.

01:58:27.940 He already coughed up and he's still going.

01:58:29.820 Oh no,

01:58:30.280 he's good.

01:58:30.700 He's good.

01:58:31.060 This turnout.

01:58:32.060 And I'm like,

01:58:32.660 is this dude really EMT?

01:58:34.180 Or is this dude just having like, 0.89

01:58:35.540 kind of like a fit of gay or whatever, 0.98

01:58:37.640 you know, 0.97

01:58:38.160 but he was pumping on my home.

01:58:39.480 Yeah.

01:58:39.600 Pretty good.

01:58:40.180 Waffle House.

01:58:40.320 You walk in there sober,

01:58:41.560 but you sit in that chair long enough.

01:58:43.300 You feel a little bit,

01:58:44.180 you don't know what drug it is.

01:58:45.420 Yeah.

01:58:45.740 If it's an upper or a downer,

01:58:47.040 just life,

01:58:47.580 but you feel that.

01:58:48.540 Oh, 0.99

01:58:48.720 it's that fucking margarine buzz, 1.00

01:58:50.160 homie. 1.00

01:58:50.400 I fucking love Waffle House. 0.98

01:58:51.880 There was a, 0.99

01:58:52.360 a donut shop in my hometown where,

01:58:54.520 uh, 0.99

01:58:55.100 if you used to flash them your tits, 1.00

01:58:56.440 you get free donuts. 0.99

01:58:58.440 They never did it for me,

01:58:59.520 but they did have,

01:59:00.940 God,

01:59:01.140 I love that.

01:59:01.680 But like,

01:59:02.180 I was always wondering like,

01:59:03.460 like,

01:59:04.500 do they do a by size?

01:59:06.120 Like, 0.99

01:59:06.280 what if you showed your tits and like, 1.00

01:59:07.740 all right, 1.00

01:59:07.880 here's a donut hole.

01:59:08.680 I'd be like, 0.99

01:59:09.160 damn, 1.00

01:59:09.860 I got fake tits for no reason. 1.00

01:59:11.440 But yeah, 0.99

01:59:11.980 like if you had some knockers,

01:59:13.280 they'd be like,

01:59:14.100 here's a bear claw.

01:59:15.480 It's kind of crazy.

01:59:16.760 Oh,

01:59:16.980 that was the original girl's gone wild.

01:59:18.960 God,

01:59:19.340 I'd show my,

01:59:20.220 God,

01:59:20.480 I don't know what I would do for a bear claw.

01:59:22.260 When I was a kid,

01:59:23.020 so good in our neighborhood,

01:59:24.180 if you had respect for something,

01:59:25.400 you'd take your shirt off.

01:59:26.680 Yeah,

01:59:26.820 what is that?

01:59:27.480 It's just like a thing.

01:59:28.360 It's almost very native.

01:59:29.680 I think you would.

01:59:31.020 Alpha?

01:59:31.600 Yeah,

01:59:31.920 or no,

01:59:32.280 not alpha.

01:59:32.840 Just like you wanted them to,

01:59:34.640 like it was a sign of respect.

01:59:35.900 Like a standing ovation,

01:59:37.000 but for your body.

01:59:38.060 Yeah,

01:59:38.420 because I think back in the day,

01:59:39.920 we didn't have clothes on all the time.

01:59:43.440 That's true.

01:59:44.060 Who invented clothes?

01:59:45.040 Can you look it up? 1.00

01:59:48.700 Some fucking idiot probably. 1.00

01:59:50.340 That's what I'm saying. 1.00

01:59:51.440 You want to see less tit?

01:59:53.460 Unless it was like a parent,

01:59:54.780 then I get it,

01:59:55.420 but like,

01:59:56.440 yeah,

01:59:57.260 the Neanderthals.

01:59:58.620 Oh,

01:59:58.980 Ronnie Pants did it,

02:00:00.420 huh?

02:00:00.760 Yeah.

02:00:01.380 The first known humans to make clothing,

02:00:03.340 Neanderthal man survived from about 200,000 BC to about 30,000.

02:00:07.400 Wow,

02:00:07.820 170,000 years.

02:00:09.640 Did they do it because they were cold or they were just too horny?

02:00:12.480 During this time.

02:00:13.420 Maybe tried celibacy and he's like,

02:00:14.800 bro,

02:00:14.900 you got to cover those nips up or something. 0.97

02:00:17.140 During this time,

02:00:17.820 the Earth's temperature rose and fell,

02:00:18.980 dramatically creating a series of ice ages throughout the northern areas.

02:00:21.520 When was the first clothing made?

02:00:23.800 Can you go down to that?

02:00:24.660 Who was the first brand?

02:00:25.480 It was 200,000 BCE.

02:00:26.620 That's what they said.

02:00:27.420 Okay.

02:00:28.100 And what was it?

02:00:29.180 Can we look and see what it was?

02:00:30.600 It's got to be like a leaf.

02:00:33.260 The first clothes were made from natural elements,

02:00:35.240 animal skin and furs,

02:00:36.320 grasses and leaves and bones and shells.

02:00:40.740 It was often draped or tied.

02:00:43.800 However,

02:00:44.140 simple needles made out of animal bone provided evidence of sewn leather and fur garments from at least 30,000 years ago.

02:00:50.400 Oh,

02:00:50.840 did they even have?

02:00:52.740 Yeah.

02:00:52.900 I'm trying to think if you could stunt back then,

02:00:54.540 you think you could?

02:00:55.320 100%.

02:00:55.600 I think so.

02:00:57.200 How do you roll up?

02:00:58.360 When do you roll up?

02:01:00.240 Not in the middle of the day.

02:01:01.400 It's hot as hell,

02:01:02.120 right?

02:01:02.740 Because somebody's in a cave.

02:01:04.060 Like you have to.

02:01:05.140 Like when,

02:01:05.780 when he flex in it,

02:01:07.180 probably if I was,

02:01:09.540 you know,

02:01:09.820 I would do,

02:01:10.320 I would,

02:01:10.740 I'm going to go get some water,

02:01:12.240 right?

02:01:12.360 Go to the well,

02:01:13.360 no clothes.

02:01:14.220 And I'd come back with the water and the clothes.

02:01:16.360 And they'd be like,

02:01:17.260 oh my God.

02:01:17.800 I'd be like,

02:01:18.080 oh yeah.

02:01:18.740 Oh,

02:01:19.000 oh this.

02:01:19.720 Oh,

02:01:19.860 the water or the outfit?

02:01:20.780 You know,

02:01:21.020 like a little like subtle,

02:01:22.120 like,

02:01:22.280 oh,

02:01:22.420 which one?

02:01:23.060 Yeah.

02:01:23.320 Which one's dripping?

02:01:24.180 You know,

02:01:24.520 which one got that water shoddy?

02:01:26.160 Who,

02:01:26.380 who wet now?

02:01:27.940 The town caveman?

02:01:29.360 I don't know.

02:01:30.240 When would you do it?

02:01:31.400 I don't,

02:01:31.820 that's a good question,

02:01:33.020 bro.

02:01:33.140 I think if you roll in around dinner with a special deal,

02:01:36.480 like a little dessert or a little,

02:01:38.620 you know,

02:01:39.820 yeah,

02:01:40.120 fruit or something, 1.00

02:01:40.960 you bring a fucking apple. 1.00

02:01:42.180 They never seen. 1.00

02:01:43.160 Dude,

02:01:43.340 everybody's smashing,

02:01:45.660 bro.

02:01:46.080 And dude,

02:01:46.500 back in the day,

02:01:47.160 there was no way to let people know you were happy, 0.99

02:01:49.180 except to probably jerk off. 0.99

02:01:50.700 You think? 0.99

02:01:51.420 Oh,

02:01:51.620 I'm sure if you brought.

02:01:52.500 What about stick figures?

02:01:53.660 Or like, 0.98

02:01:54.500 what the fuck's it called? 0.99

02:01:56.400 Cave art? 0.99

02:01:57.620 Dude.

02:01:58.080 Heroglyphics?

02:01:59.000 No.

02:01:59.580 Somebody.

02:02:00.260 You think?

02:02:01.020 Maybe.

02:02:01.540 If you're stuck in a room,

02:02:03.680 you're stuck in a cave,

02:02:04.860 right?

02:02:05.140 You're in there by fire and somebody brings an apple 0.99

02:02:07.340 and you've never fucking seen one and you take a bite of it. 0.98

02:02:10.680 Oh, 0.99

02:02:10.980 that would,

02:02:11.220 that would,

02:02:11.760 that would do things to me.

02:02:12.720 I still,

02:02:13.340 feel that way.

02:02:13.980 A cold granny smith. 0.99

02:02:15.280 I would take that over sex. 0.96

02:02:16.440 A lot of days, 0.98

02:02:17.660 cold granny smith, 1.00

02:02:18.560 a little bit of peanut butter on it.

02:02:20.380 Come on now.

02:02:21.540 She'll never leave you on read.

02:02:23.440 Do you DM a lot of like girls that you think are attractive or you?

02:02:27.200 No,

02:02:27.640 I,

02:02:27.920 I usually wait until people like DM me.

02:02:30.680 I'm cause I'm so scared of rejection that like,

02:02:33.680 I have sent like a DM to like,

02:02:35.860 like a hot chick that I thought was like pretty cute or something. 1.00

02:02:38.180 Yeah.

02:02:38.420 And it fucks with my ego because if I hit them up and they don't respond,

02:02:41.920 then I'm like, 0.93

02:02:42.780 Oh,

02:02:43.320 all right.

02:02:44.080 Maybe I'm just invisible.

02:02:45.100 And who knows?

02:02:45.820 She maybe is dating somebody or she's not into super sexy buff guys like me.

02:02:50.380 Like who knows what the fly is?

02:02:52.140 Yeah.

02:02:52.580 But what about you?

02:02:53.300 Do you,

02:02:53.740 I sent,

02:02:54.760 let me think.

02:02:55.100 I sent Bruce Willis's daughter and his daughter's a DM one time and she didn't write me back.

02:02:59.780 But how did that,

02:03:00.840 did that do anything for your ego or were you just like, 0.99

02:03:02.680 damn? 1.00

02:03:03.220 No, 1.00

02:03:03.520 I saw her at a party and I'd seen her before.

02:03:05.420 I just thought she was,

02:03:05.900 Oh yeah.

02:03:06.100 I just thought she was really neat and had just,

02:03:09.420 uh,

02:03:10.220 that's a rejection for me.

02:03:11.260 And I,

02:03:11.680 uh,

02:03:12.480 you know,

02:03:12.840 visually I was very,

02:03:13.920 you know,

02:03:14.140 I was stimulated by her.

02:03:15.740 She didn't say anything.

02:03:16.560 No.

02:03:16.760 What did you say?

02:03:17.620 I said,

02:03:18.340 Oh,

02:03:18.580 good evening.

02:03:20.380 Um,

02:03:20.940 I said,

02:03:22.060 Oh,

02:03:22.260 good evening.

02:03:22.720 There's bugs in here.

02:03:23.520 I said,

02:03:23.980 Oh,

02:03:24.080 good evening.

02:03:25.800 Uh,

02:03:26.660 all right.

02:03:26.980 What'd you say? 1.00

02:03:27.320 Oh damn. 1.00

02:03:27.820 He's got a lot of them. 1.00

02:03:28.600 I should've went through the catalog.

02:03:31.060 I didn't know.

02:03:32.280 I had,

02:03:32.980 uh,

02:03:33.260 somebody will get back to you.

02:03:36.020 Rumor.

02:03:37.580 Yeah.

02:03:38.240 Yeah.

02:03:38.880 That's her name.

02:03:39.700 Rumor.

02:03:40.640 Yeah.

02:03:41.160 That's crazy.

02:03:42.380 Yeah.

02:03:42.780 Beautiful.

02:03:43.200 Are she,

02:03:43.600 you know,

02:03:43.820 attractive lady. 1.00

02:03:44.720 I don't know her that well,

02:03:45.740 but she just had,

02:03:46.440 uh,

02:03:46.680 uh,

02:03:47.280 I just saw her somewhere and yeah.

02:03:49.320 So then I sent her and DM,

02:03:50.320 but,

02:03:50.780 but that's okay.

02:03:51.420 It's like,

02:03:52.040 you know,

02:03:52.340 that's life.

02:03:52.920 What are you going to do?

02:03:53.600 It is.

02:03:54.140 And you don't know why they didn't respond or whatever.

02:03:56.500 She could be married.

02:03:57.020 Her dad has been sick.

02:03:58.340 She also may have zero interest in me.

02:04:00.580 She may,

02:04:01.440 uh,

02:04:02.300 not even,

02:04:02.780 you don't know.

02:04:03.360 Yeah.

02:04:03.560 It could be anything,

02:04:04.600 dude.

02:04:04.720 You're basically just throwing,

02:04:07.120 you're just wishing into the world.

02:04:09.640 That's really what it is.

02:04:10.700 Yeah.

02:04:10.940 And it's kind of for like a date or get to know somebody.

02:04:14.280 Um,

02:04:15.480 so I don't know.

02:04:16.320 That's pretty,

02:04:16.940 that's okay though.

02:04:17.920 Right.

02:04:18.100 Who are the people you're dating?

02:04:19.280 Are they people you kind of meet out and about or are these,

02:04:21.900 you know,

02:04:23.120 let me think,

02:04:24.100 um,

02:04:25.540 uh,

02:04:27.460 a gal that I met at a comedy show.

02:04:29.500 Okay.

02:04:29.840 But the tough thing is,

02:04:31.460 yeah,

02:04:31.560 you start to look at your schedule.

02:04:32.840 You start to look what that's like.

02:04:33.780 You start to look at your own ambitions.

02:04:35.400 Yeah.

02:04:35.720 Like,

02:04:36.020 uh,

02:04:36.220 you know,

02:04:36.500 David Spade and I are trying to get that movie done and not to name drop,

02:04:40.120 but people know that.

02:04:41.380 And that's what we've been working on.

02:04:42.500 And so it's like,

02:04:43.100 that's awesome.

02:04:43.720 Well,

02:04:43.840 if I have to go do that,

02:04:44.820 how long does that take?

02:04:45.780 And then,

02:04:46.280 you know,

02:04:47.040 people keep at,

02:04:47.900 or I want to go tour more.

02:04:49.640 So that's probably going to be the rest of this year and next year.

02:04:52.240 Yeah.

02:04:52.580 I feel insane when a girl's like, 1.00

02:04:54.220 we should get drinks sometime.

02:04:55.400 I'm like,

02:04:55.660 yeah,

02:04:55.840 yeah.

02:04:55.980 Are you free in four months?

02:04:57.680 I know. 0.99

02:04:58.580 You're like sick.

02:04:59.620 She's like,

02:05:00.080 no.

02:05:01.080 And if I am,

02:05:01.760 I'm dating somebody else.

02:05:03.240 Yeah.

02:05:03.460 But in some weird way,

02:05:04.460 you're like,

02:05:04.820 okay,

02:05:05.020 that's when I'm like here or something.

02:05:06.700 Do you ever do a chocolate Sundays at the life factory?

02:05:09.460 They book you for a first impression,

02:05:11.920 but it's like two and a half years before they're like,

02:05:14.380 are you available in 2048?

02:05:16.160 And you're like,

02:05:16.880 yeah,

02:05:17.460 if I'm not dead,

02:05:18.400 I'll be there for my three minutes.

02:05:19.660 But I remember like 2015,

02:05:20.940 I signed up for it and thank God it took so long.

02:05:23.360 Cause I was trashed then probably slightly less trash when I did it,

02:05:26.980 but like ended up doing well and you got passed and

02:05:29.480 everything.

02:05:29.680 But it's like,

02:05:30.220 it was like a two and a half year wait.

02:05:32.220 It's just so funny to be like,

02:05:33.800 are you available for this?

02:05:34.780 You're like,

02:05:35.320 huh?

02:05:36.120 Who has plans for that?

02:05:37.280 Oh,

02:05:37.520 so I'm going to be enlisted for that.

02:05:39.000 My bad.

02:05:39.980 Yeah.

02:05:40.060 That's the future,

02:05:40.860 man.

02:05:41.220 The future is so weird because it's like,

02:05:43.440 we know it exists,

02:05:46.340 but we don't.

02:05:50.300 The future,

02:05:50.980 just like a moving walkway at the mall.

02:05:52.440 It's just going to keep going no matter who's on it or who's off of it.

02:05:55.940 It's just going.

02:05:57.480 The future is so,

02:05:59.220 because we know so much about it based on what we know from the past,

02:06:03.280 you know,

02:06:03.560 like,

02:06:03.960 or we assume that's the thing about the future.

02:06:06.540 It's this big bowl of assumption,

02:06:08.420 you know, 1.00

02:06:09.300 it's this fucking grandiose play of assumption. 0.98

02:06:13.740 So we've assumed exactly what it's going to have based on everything that's 0.99

02:06:17.140 happened.

02:06:17.680 But then that's the goal. 0.83

02:06:19.120 I think that's the dope ass thing that the future can do, 0.93

02:06:21.620 right? 0.99

02:06:21.780 If the future is a fucking real vibe, 0.96

02:06:23.560 right? 0.98

02:06:23.780 If he's like trick daddy or something.

02:06:25.300 Oh,

02:06:25.420 it's got a couple of tricks up at sleep.

02:06:26.940 Yeah.

02:06:27.180 You know,

02:06:27.760 like all flying cars.

02:06:28.820 No,

02:06:29.040 here's a fleshlight.

02:06:29.860 You're like,

02:06:30.160 I'm not mad.

02:06:31.240 It's kind of works.

02:06:32.600 It's kind of better than a flying car.

02:06:35.020 You ever use the fleshlight?

02:06:36.480 Uh,

02:06:36.840 nope.

02:06:37.140 I never have.

02:06:37.700 And have you ever used it?

02:06:38.340 I have.

02:06:38.680 It's sad.

02:06:39.760 The,

02:06:40.020 the post blink after it's full or whatever.

02:06:42.580 Why is that crazy or whatever?

02:06:48.480 No,

02:06:48.980 my litter robot for my cat does that though.

02:06:50.920 Oh,

02:06:51.060 it does.

02:06:51.500 Yeah.

02:06:51.780 After I come into the little robot.

02:06:53.780 No.

02:06:54.480 Um,

02:06:54.880 but it's the post nut regret is insane because you, 0.61

02:06:59.180 you have to clean it out and you're like in a sink.

02:07:01.520 There's dishes you haven't washed in three weeks and you're just in there scrubbing away. 0.99

02:07:06.140 You catch a glimpse of yourself and like an old fucking shiny cup looking at you. 0.99

02:07:11.220 Can't you take it to the cleaners or whatever? 1.00

02:07:14.180 Uh,

02:07:14.580 you can probably put it outside and like water it down.

02:07:16.620 There has to be a place to mail it or something.

02:07:18.540 You know,

02:07:19.280 I think prison,

02:07:20.200 they'd be pretty happy with that.

02:07:22.580 Dude,

02:07:22.960 we really want to get an inmate.

02:07:24.400 If anybody knows an inmate or has a familial inmate,

02:07:27.560 uh,

02:07:27.960 we would love to have a pen pal,

02:07:29.440 I think in here.

02:07:30.160 Oh,

02:07:30.320 a pen pal would be cool.

02:07:31.360 And preferably I would love for them.

02:07:33.280 I don't want to say what they're in for,

02:07:35.180 but tell me,

02:07:36.420 you know,

02:07:36.700 I'll do.

02:07:38.020 Like,

02:07:38.480 give me a clue.

02:07:40.560 Yeah.

02:07:41.280 We're going to do a little,

02:07:42.160 a little miming there.

02:07:43.940 Yeah.

02:07:44.420 Yeah.

02:07:44.660 A little game of clue,

02:07:45.720 right?

02:07:45.760 I feel like it has to be a good crime,

02:07:47.200 huh?

02:07:47.500 Yeah,

02:07:47.900 definitely.

02:07:48.540 Cause I feel like even,

02:07:50.420 I mean,

02:07:51.060 I would just be so curious to even talk to somebody who's ever murdered somebody.

02:07:53.840 I know.

02:07:54.200 I've always wanted to.

02:07:55.160 And the crazy thing is we probably have. 1.00

02:07:57.580 The dude at a fucking juice shop. 0.99

02:07:59.320 Hey, 1.00

02:07:59.460 are you next in line?

02:08:00.380 Oh yeah.

02:08:00.940 Cool.

02:08:01.140 This guy's killed somebody.

02:08:02.160 Yeah.

02:08:03.860 You go first.

02:08:05.180 Have you ever talked to somebody who's killed somebody?

02:08:07.020 Oh yeah,

02:08:07.760 dude.

02:08:08.160 I got a,

02:08:08.520 I got a friend who killed somebody.

02:08:10.400 On purpose?

02:08:11.960 Hmm.

02:08:12.720 I don't want to say.

02:08:13.800 Well,

02:08:14.260 good.

02:08:14.740 Legal reasons.

02:08:15.920 But he's,

02:08:16.700 yeah,

02:08:17.100 honestly,

02:08:17.600 bro,

02:08:17.700 and he's,

02:08:18.540 he said,

02:08:19.160 it's all,

02:08:19.540 he said,

02:08:19.920 it's,

02:08:20.320 it's awesome.

02:08:24.420 Well,

02:08:24.940 I think we know why he did it.

02:08:27.640 Why?

02:08:28.300 I don't know.

02:08:29.220 But like,

02:08:29.740 if you're like,

02:08:30.160 was it on accident or not?

02:08:31.460 And he said it was awesome.

02:08:32.260 I don't think any accidents are awesome.

02:08:34.500 He said it was awesome.

02:08:35.860 Now,

02:08:36.260 now you have to know him and know what other stuff I think he thinks is awesome.

02:08:39.860 Right.

02:08:40.360 You have to have your own idea of what is awesome.

02:08:42.880 You know,

02:08:43.800 you have to be like,

02:08:44.920 uh,

02:08:45.400 you know,

02:08:46.440 if you could be a stunning Steve Austin fan,

02:08:48.380 and he always say that this is awesome.

02:08:51.100 Was that him?

02:08:52.220 Um,

02:08:52.580 so I think there's a lot of elements that can go into that,

02:08:54.940 but is he in jail or no?

02:08:56.920 He is,

02:08:58.260 or we don't have to get into that.

02:09:00.220 Yeah.

02:09:00.560 I don't want to snitch.

02:09:01.800 I don't want to,

02:09:02.420 I don't want to,

02:09:02.900 I don't want him coming after me.

02:09:03.940 That's all I'm saying.

02:09:05.220 It was an accident.

02:09:06.220 He's,

02:09:06.540 he's vibing,

02:09:08.000 you know,

02:09:08.760 what else can we talk about?

02:09:12.300 What else do we have in the news that?

02:09:15.180 Um,

02:09:15.820 a German surgeon was fired because he had a janitor help with an amputation.

02:09:20.120 Cause no one was available.

02:09:21.600 That's healthcare,

02:09:22.580 bro.

02:09:23.440 German surgeon fired you.

02:09:24.860 They getting anybody.

02:09:27.120 I saw something recently.

02:09:28.220 Maybe you can try this.

02:09:28.860 There's a dude got fired at a hotel. 0.93

02:09:31.120 A manager snuck into somebody's room and sucked their foot. 0.97

02:09:34.140 Mm-hmm. 0.93

02:09:34.920 That was in Nashville.

02:09:35.880 Bring that up.

02:09:36.420 Was that really?

02:09:37.200 Yeah,

02:09:37.620 Bobby.

02:09:37.880 Did you talk,

02:09:38.580 did you talk about it already or no?

02:09:39.640 No,

02:09:40.000 never talked about it.

02:09:40.980 This was in Nashville?

02:09:41.840 Yeah.

02:09:42.400 Does that resonate living there for a couple of years now?

02:09:46.020 Oh,

02:09:46.240 wow.

02:09:46.740 I guess toes are sort of nightmare.

02:09:48.300 Let's go to the,

02:09:48.780 the,

02:09:49.960 Oh,

02:09:50.640 that's somebody who's had a toe or two in his taste buds.

02:09:54.520 Yeah.

02:09:54.860 David Patrick Neal,

02:09:56.320 three first names.

02:09:57.380 52 was arrested Friday after a hotel guest,

02:09:59.860 Peter Brennan,

02:10:00.980 awoke around 5 a.m.

02:10:02.200 on March 30th to find a night manager indulging his apparent foot fetish.

02:10:06.640 Wow.

02:10:07.000 What does it say he did?

02:10:08.880 Brennan reportedly screamed when he found Neil sucking on his toes and immediately recognized him as one of the two hotel staff members who had been in his room the previous day to help him with his TV.

02:10:17.160 First of all,

02:10:18.780 if you call a man from the front desk,

02:10:20.520 come help you with your TV.

02:10:21.480 Yeah.

02:10:21.740 What do you,

02:10:22.060 you're kind of asking for it.

02:10:23.320 You were giving low key. 0.98

02:10:25.940 You're giving low key gay. 1.00

02:10:27.500 You're giving a lot of low key gay. 0.99

02:10:29.100 You're giving a lot of like, 0.92

02:10:30.360 Oh, 1.00

02:10:30.560 maybe you could come in and suck my toes. 1.00

02:10:32.320 Cause think about it. 1.00

02:10:33.080 He was in his room.

02:10:33.740 Oh,

02:10:33.820 my TV doesn't work.

02:10:34.760 He's probably has his shoes off.

02:10:36.200 The night manager is like,

02:10:37.540 yeah.

02:10:37.820 Okay.

02:10:38.160 What do you want to watch?

02:10:39.200 Yeah.

02:10:39.760 TNT.

02:10:40.420 No,

02:10:40.640 let me see them TN feet.

02:10:42.200 Yeah.

02:10:42.940 Let me kind of sound like dabbling right there.

02:10:45.660 Wiggling.

02:10:46.440 He's a plane.

02:10:47.140 Oh,

02:10:47.240 the remotes over there.

02:10:48.480 Yeah.

02:10:49.440 Look,

02:10:49.600 that's all it takes,

02:10:50.640 man.

02:10:51.360 What else does it say?

02:10:52.220 Anything else,

02:10:52.840 Zach?

02:10:52.980 Let's see some more information. 0.68

02:10:54.360 Do you go to jail for that or you just horny camp? 0.97

02:10:57.000 All my life. 0.70

02:10:57.540 You just have that sense of security and that,

02:10:58.900 and that sense of peace,

02:11:00.300 right?

02:11:00.520 It's not like you're camping and you have to kind of keep one eye open.

02:11:03.600 You have a security that's yours.

02:11:04.800 When you close your eyes,

02:11:05.460 you feel like you're safe and you're protected.

02:11:06.820 And it was a complete violation.

02:11:09.180 Who are you?

02:11:09.940 Why are you in my room?

02:11:10.980 It was almost like a dream.

02:11:13.420 Upon further investigation,

02:11:14.600 Brennan,

02:11:14.840 his attorney,

02:11:15.880 uh,

02:11:16.260 found that Neil had a lengthy rap sheet that included voluntary manslaughter conviction

02:11:19.980 for shooting his roommate during a fight in 96.

02:11:22.740 Well,

02:11:23.120 the toe sucker shot someone. 0.97

02:11:24.840 Yeah.

02:11:25.520 Wow.

02:11:26.000 So he's grown since then.

02:11:28.080 He has.

02:11:29.220 What would you do if you were,

02:11:31.040 uh, 0.99

02:11:31.460 sleeping in a hotel in Nashville and someone was sucking on your toes?

02:11:34.200 I mean,

02:11:34.720 look,

02:11:35.060 I'll say this.

02:11:35.640 It's hard to get a foot off.

02:11:37.540 Okay.

02:11:37.940 So maybe the dude is just really,

02:11:41.280 he needed that.

02:11:43.480 You know, 0.99

02:11:43.760 that's somebody who wasn't breastfed as a child and he just needed some suck. 1.00

02:11:47.360 I think you got to let them go for a little bit. 0.99

02:11:49.680 Yeah.

02:11:50.160 I would.

02:11:50.540 Cause what's going to happen next?

02:11:52.020 Like,

02:11:52.240 where do you go from that?

02:11:53.540 Yeah.

02:11:53.700 What is your toenail going to grow a little bit?

02:11:55.300 I would,

02:11:56.920 yeah,

02:11:57.100 I'd give him a few.

02:11:57.800 I would do like two or three,

02:11:59.300 like,

02:11:59.700 Oh no,

02:12:00.340 what are you doing?

02:12:01.200 Cause then I could also see if I'm into it.

02:12:02.880 Right.

02:12:03.040 Cause you're already going to assume you're already going to make bank.

02:12:04.880 You might as well dabble and see if you're into the,

02:12:06.820 you know,

02:12:07.640 the foot fantasies.

02:12:09.720 Trying to think of anything like that's ever happened around us.

02:12:13.040 You ever gotten,

02:12:13.300 I walked into a room one night and there was a big guy sitting on the bed already picking his feet.

02:12:21.100 When I walked into my room,

02:12:21.860 they gave me the wrong room.

02:12:23.460 And how did you say anything?

02:12:24.740 You're just,

02:12:25.000 Oh,

02:12:25.060 I'm sorry.

02:12:25.560 I did that.

02:12:27.320 Backed out.

02:12:28.000 Yeah.

02:12:29.060 Respected what he was doing.

02:12:30.040 Understood it.

02:12:30.720 About four 15 in the afternoon.

02:12:32.280 I get it.

02:12:32.980 Picking his toes.

02:12:33.860 Yeah.

02:12:34.420 But then again,

02:12:35.240 if you were the night manager,

02:12:36.280 you would take that as a sign of flirtation.

02:12:38.500 Oh,

02:12:38.880 you're picking your toes when I'm here to fix your TV.

02:12:41.080 Yeah.

02:12:41.440 Okay.

02:12:41.860 Well now that's another thing.

02:12:43.040 See,

02:12:43.400 there's things that people take.

02:12:45.440 Everybody's idea of what is flirtation is different.

02:12:48.120 Right.

02:12:48.600 Uh huh.

02:12:49.360 So I think if you're in your room,

02:12:51.480 you're chilling,

02:12:52.520 a dude,

02:12:53.080 you're like,

02:12:53.420 Hey,

02:12:53.580 something's wrong with the TV.

02:12:54.320 He comes up and he's being even a,

02:12:56.180 say if that guy,

02:12:56.960 the night manager guy or the,

02:12:58.760 the,

02:12:59.260 the night manager guy is thinking immediately.

02:13:01.180 Of course, 1.00

02:13:01.440 if you're a gay guy who likes sucking on people's feet and a guy calls you to his room, 1.00

02:13:05.460 the first thing you're hoping in your head. 1.00

02:13:07.600 Oh yeah.

02:13:08.460 Well also that's not,

02:13:09.300 this dude wants me to launch all over his back.

02:13:11.340 Right. 0.99

02:13:11.540 It's not too foreign watching porn. 0.90

02:13:14.600 Right.

02:13:14.940 Hotel manager fixes TV and something else.

02:13:18.200 Right.

02:13:18.520 It's not too far down the pipeline.

02:13:20.200 Not crazy at all.

02:13:20.920 He might've taken some melatonin the night before,

02:13:22.500 still been a little off in the head.

02:13:23.860 So I think,

02:13:25.320 yeah,

02:13:25.500 if someone,

02:13:26.160 yeah.

02:13:26.520 So some people,

02:13:27.320 they read signs wrong.

02:13:28.980 Correct.

02:13:29.460 Especially if you want the signs to be a certain thing.

02:13:31.640 That's what's really interesting.

02:13:32.760 Right.

02:13:32.980 And dude,

02:13:33.360 that's what like,

02:13:34.420 that's what like fucked me up with like rejection and dating. 0.92

02:13:36.640 And like,

02:13:36.920 what's why I'm like,

02:13:37.640 so like,

02:13:37.960 I don't hit on women. 1.00

02:13:38.660 I just like kind of see if they like come to me cause I'm scared.

02:13:40.740 Cause I remember I went to a movie and I saw Jackass 2.5 in high school with this girl.

02:13:45.480 I thought I was vibing with.

02:13:46.440 We sat in the middle of the day,

02:13:47.560 matinee,

02:13:48.620 you know,

02:13:49.180 balling on a budget.

02:13:50.120 And we like held hands during the movie.

02:13:52.400 Afterwards,

02:13:52.880 I kissed her in front of her car,

02:13:54.720 Pontiac.

02:13:55.360 And I was,

02:13:55.740 I was geeked.

02:13:57.000 And she was driving.

02:13:58.260 She could drive.

02:13:58.740 She had one of those.

02:13:59.620 Yeah.

02:13:59.940 Wow.

02:14:00.460 Yeah.

02:14:00.720 So,

02:14:00.880 but when I got home,

02:14:01.940 I remember I was so excited.

02:14:03.480 I was unloading the dishwasher.

02:14:05.560 Cause I was sure my mom would make me do.

02:14:07.680 And then I got a text.

02:14:08.520 I was like,

02:14:08.760 Hey,

02:14:08.920 I always don't want to confuse you,

02:14:10.740 but I was just like,

02:14:11.300 it's more of a friend.

02:14:13.760 And I,

02:14:14.260 and I think about that to this day. 1.00

02:14:15.480 Damn. 0.99

02:14:17.480 So now like, 0.99

02:14:18.380 that's where my rejection fears come from.

02:14:20.100 It's like,

02:14:20.360 you make that move.

02:14:21.920 And she's like,

02:14:22.760 Oh no,

02:14:23.240 like I,

02:14:24.200 no,

02:14:24.440 I totally saw you just as like a friend.

02:14:26.020 And you're like,

02:14:26.360 Oh my bad.

02:14:26.840 Like I don't,

02:14:27.560 I think just the embarrassment.

02:14:29.260 Yeah. 1.00

02:14:29.680 Fucks you up. 1.00

02:14:31.100 Oh yeah. 0.99

02:14:31.700 I remember,

02:14:32.400 I mean,

02:14:32.860 when I was really young,

02:14:33.680 my mother rejected me so much that that kind of stuff really hangs over onto a lot of relationships.

02:14:38.680 Right.

02:14:39.720 But I'm trying to think of with actual girls.

02:14:44.200 Yeah.

02:14:44.560 Some kids locked me in this one girl into a closet and they kept saying like,

02:14:47.980 you need to kiss or whatever.

02:14:49.780 Right.

02:14:50.420 You want a girl? 0.99

02:14:51.380 Huh?

02:14:51.660 Yeah.

02:14:52.000 That's like the straightest thing you could do.

02:14:53.620 Oh,

02:14:53.800 it was insane,

02:14:54.500 dude.

02:14:55.000 So we didn't know what to do.

02:14:56.540 So that was scary.

02:14:58.060 They're like,

02:14:58.380 what do you mean?

02:14:58.800 You didn't know what to do?

02:14:59.720 Yeah.

02:14:59.920 They're like, 1.00

02:15:00.380 you queers better make out or we're going to beat the fuck out of you. 1.00

02:15:03.080 You know? 1.00

02:15:03.500 And so I didn't,

02:15:04.240 it was paying these people to say that to you.

02:15:06.360 And we both lived in like the same neighborhood.

02:15:08.940 So we had the same haircut.

02:15:10.140 So it was like, 0.98

02:15:11.200 that was the part that was just fucking crazy. 0.80

02:15:13.260 Cause I didn't know if like, 0.82

02:15:14.860 we were both like,

02:15:16.000 you didn't like scramble for a beanie or something to cover up her hair. 1.00

02:15:19.480 I just didn't know if we were like trans by hair or whatever.

02:15:22.000 Like I didn't know what was going on,

02:15:23.560 you know,

02:15:23.780 it was like just,

02:15:24.500 what if you made out and just turn into one person?

02:15:28.720 So that was a lot,

02:15:30.120 dude.

02:15:30.200 I remember that.

02:15:30.900 And just the fear of having to make out while people are banging on the door, 1.00

02:15:34.080 threatening to fuck you up. 1.00

02:15:35.340 If you don't kiss, 1.00

02:15:36.120 that's crazy.

02:15:37.300 What'd you guys end up doing?

02:15:38.580 Kissing.

02:15:38.960 I think,

02:15:39.340 I don't even remember.

02:15:40.300 I don't know.

02:15:41.000 I just remember being so fucking just scared,

02:15:43.340 you know? 0.73

02:15:43.880 Yeah.

02:15:44.060 And then,

02:15:44.620 um,

02:15:45.120 but yeah,

02:15:46.200 as I got older,

02:15:47.320 yeah,

02:15:47.540 I think just,

02:15:48.280 you know,

02:15:48.580 I never got to be like,

02:15:50.100 my buddy would always be the one who was inviting the girl to the dance.

02:15:52.820 And he always had to go with like the friend of the,

02:15:55.180 I was always like the wingman by,

02:15:56.840 uh,

02:15:57.140 by accident.

02:15:57.980 Yeah.

02:15:58.360 It'd be like my friend was talking to a hot girl. 0.99

02:16:00.180 And then it's like the two plus ones at a wedding that hit it off.

02:16:02.820 It's like the guy and the girl both know the people getting married.

02:16:05.200 And then there's just two random people that are like,

02:16:06.580 eh,

02:16:06.840 I'm Ted.

02:16:07.600 I used to bang his dad.

02:16:09.160 I don't know.

02:16:09.460 Like there's no correlation.

02:16:10.620 Yeah.

02:16:11.240 I'll never forget.

02:16:11.880 I asked the girl,

02:16:12.440 I just posted on my Instagram.

02:16:13.340 I asked the girl when I first moved to LA,

02:16:15.180 like one of my first weekends out,

02:16:16.320 my friend's talking to the hot chick. 1.00

02:16:17.800 I'm just talking to the other girl.

02:16:18.680 And I was like,

02:16:19.020 Oh,

02:16:19.140 what do you do for work?

02:16:19.760 And she goes,

02:16:20.240 no.

02:16:20.740 And I was like,

02:16:21.220 all right.

02:16:23.120 No is crazy.

02:16:25.220 Not even N O P E. 0.98

02:16:26.860 Nope.

02:16:27.440 Yeah.

02:16:27.860 No.

02:16:28.620 Cool.

02:16:29.640 Two letters ruined me.

02:16:31.280 That was 2017.

02:16:32.320 I still think about it.

02:16:33.800 No,

02:16:34.380 but no is crazy,

02:16:35.740 bro.

02:16:36.060 An unexpected.

02:16:37.160 No will ruin you.

02:16:38.180 It'll rock your world. 1.00

02:16:39.080 It'll fucking. 0.99

02:16:39.780 Well, 1.00

02:16:40.200 I think a lot of women, 1.00

02:16:41.320 I don't know if they realize like how much is a man it is. 1.00

02:16:44.740 It's hard for us to fucking get up there and put the balls out there. 0.99

02:16:48.600 That's why like I command anybody that does it, 0.99

02:16:51.180 whether you take an L or not do it the other day.

02:16:53.500 I'm in New York city.

02:16:54.260 Right.

02:16:55.360 And thanks to everybody that came out in New York.

02:16:57.060 We had,

02:16:57.540 we did like a show in the round.

02:16:59.380 Oh,

02:16:59.620 in New York.

02:17:00.460 We were out in Westbury,

02:17:01.860 New York.

02:17:02.240 Oh wow. 0.98

02:17:02.660 And Glenny balls came out. 0.97

02:17:04.220 Oh, 0.98

02:17:04.400 nice.

02:17:05.880 No nonsense.

02:17:06.800 Keith Peterson came out.

02:17:08.000 Yeah.

02:17:08.840 So anyway,

02:17:09.520 it was awesome.

02:17:10.080 How big was that?

02:17:10.800 It was like maybe 2200 to 2400 maybe.

02:17:13.560 Beautiful.

02:17:13.980 So it was cool,

02:17:14.600 man.

02:17:14.720 It was really,

02:17:15.360 and it was just,

02:17:16.080 it was great.

02:17:17.020 I would go back there in a heartbeat.

02:17:19.400 But I do.

02:17:20.700 Yeah.

02:17:21.060 I was always the friend of a friend on the dating thing.

02:17:24.940 And I think a lot of it was just no,

02:17:26.780 like a confidence.

02:17:27.980 Cause when I look,

02:17:29.620 it almost makes me like,

02:17:32.500 I'll wait for chicks to ask me out sometimes, 1.00

02:17:34.180 but I know that then you end up getting,

02:17:37.220 you don't end up getting sometimes options of who you want.

02:17:40.200 You get up getting options of who wants you,

02:17:42.700 right?

02:17:43.120 Which isn't bad.

02:17:44.280 Right.

02:17:44.760 Because sometimes it may be a better path for who wants you might be,

02:17:48.520 get you exactly where you want to be.

02:17:49.900 Right.

02:17:50.360 But are you always then,

02:17:51.700 is there some feeling of like,

02:17:53.160 Oh,

02:17:53.300 I'm not asking who I want.

02:17:55.400 Okay.

02:17:56.080 Does it make sense or not?

02:17:57.040 No,

02:17:57.180 it does.

02:17:57.560 It does.

02:17:59.040 I kind of like if I kind of like that a little bit.

02:18:04.040 Cause then they are at least under the maybe assumption of like,

02:18:09.000 Oh,

02:18:09.360 this is Theo's life.

02:18:10.460 I know Theo.

02:18:11.020 I love Theo.

02:18:11.520 Oh,

02:18:11.620 he does a podcast and he tours a crazy amount.

02:18:13.760 Like they know baseline level Theo.

02:18:16.060 But when you go on like,

02:18:17.120 Raya,

02:18:17.420 I'm not on there.

02:18:18.980 I can't get on either.

02:18:19.960 Really?

02:18:20.480 That makes me feel better about myself.

02:18:22.520 God, 0.99

02:18:22.920 I've been on there for like 12 fucking months. 0.99

02:18:25.240 Waiting and just checking every now and then. 0.98

02:18:26.040 Dude,

02:18:26.080 I made a fake Instagram called Raya.

02:18:27.440 With two A's and I just DM girls. 0.93

02:18:28.840 I'm like,

02:18:29.120 yo,

02:18:29.320 DM Trevor.

02:18:30.420 Dude, 0.99

02:18:30.580 I don't know what the fuck's happening. 0.99

02:18:31.680 There's people who are like valet attendants for like the Beverly Wilshire who are on 0.99

02:18:35.080 there.

02:18:35.820 It's insane.

02:18:36.980 Biden's on there.

02:18:37.720 I think 0.99

02:18:37.940 life alert and fucking Raya, 0.99

02:18:41.840 his two go-to apps, 0.95

02:18:43.040 but I'm not on there.

02:18:44.420 And it's kind of good.

02:18:45.220 And it's kind of good.

02:18:45.240 I think,

02:18:45.540 I think being off the apps is probably helpful.

02:18:47.160 Yeah.

02:18:47.260 I'm not,

02:18:47.520 I'm not on any of them.

02:18:48.400 I just,

02:18:48.820 I,

02:18:49.160 but it's kind of nice that I can't get on in a way.

02:18:51.000 Yeah.

02:18:51.400 I just see like how people's body movements are when on an app.

02:18:55.540 It's like animalistic.

02:18:56.440 They're just like,

02:18:56.920 right,

02:18:57.100 right,

02:18:57.240 right,

02:18:57.400 right,

02:18:57.520 right.

02:18:57.640 And they're just like looking so much for like a stimulation.

02:19:00.600 It's like,

02:19:00.940 I'd rather something either happen in real life where somebody kind of come to me.

02:19:04.000 Cause then they're like,

02:19:04.820 Hey,

02:19:05.040 like I see what you do.

02:19:06.320 I see what you're about.

02:19:07.840 And I like that.

02:19:08.900 Right.

02:19:09.140 Versus if you're on an app,

02:19:10.280 you're starting baseline.

02:19:11.500 She's like,

02:19:11.940 what do you do?

02:19:12.540 And you're like,

02:19:13.060 Oh,

02:19:13.300 I'm like to you,

02:19:14.620 you're Theo Vaughn.

02:19:15.340 You're so clearly who you are. 1.00

02:19:16.920 You know exactly who the fuck you are. 1.00

02:19:18.300 And then you tell somebody who's disconnected in this world. 1.00

02:19:21.080 And you're like,

02:19:21.320 Oh,

02:19:21.420 I'm a comedian.

02:19:22.000 They're like,

02:19:22.820 Oh,

02:19:23.020 like,

02:19:23.880 like,

02:19:24.060 what do you do?

02:19:24.560 And you're like,

02:19:24.900 Oh my God.

02:19:25.440 Like,

02:19:25.920 I like,

02:19:27.480 like,

02:19:27.660 just imagine explaining your tour schedule to somebody who just found out you did stand

02:19:30.800 up.

02:19:31.000 They'd be like,

02:19:31.320 wait,

02:19:31.480 wait,

02:19:31.600 like there's so much to unpack.

02:19:33.400 So if somebody already knows like,

02:19:35.160 Oh,

02:19:35.380 you're always doing your podcast.

02:19:36.540 You're always on the road.

02:19:37.320 You're always filming.

02:19:38.040 Like they kind of understand,

02:19:39.680 they know what they're signing up for maybe in a sense.

02:19:41.200 And I don't want to sound pretentious or anything,

02:19:42.640 but it does feel like somebody might have done the research a little bit.

02:19:46.560 Yeah.

02:19:47.040 You know,

02:19:47.720 versus if you're just on a date and it's just generic,

02:19:49.560 like,

02:19:50.800 yeah,

02:19:51.160 well,

02:19:51.380 if I mean,

02:19:51.840 you might almost have to get on a blind date to have somebody,

02:19:54.760 because these days you can look somebody up and see some,

02:19:56.980 stuff about them,

02:19:57.680 even though sometimes it's better not to do it.

02:19:59.540 Oh yeah.

02:20:00.240 I had a girl tell me,

02:20:01.400 uh,

02:20:01.560 before a date,

02:20:02.180 she went on,

02:20:03.000 uh,

02:20:03.220 the internet typed in Trevor Wallace, 0.99

02:20:04.520 dick size, 0.97

02:20:05.140 nothing popped up,

02:20:06.160 but I'll,

02:20:08.140 but I'll tell her it's a,

02:20:09.400 it's a,

02:20:09.420 it's 12,

02:20:10.180 12,

02:20:11.520 12,

02:20:12.080 12.

02:20:15.100 Yeah.

02:20:15.980 12 by 12.

02:20:16.880 It is really.

02:20:17.560 It's a CM baby CM.

02:20:19.140 It's a,

02:20:19.740 uh,

02:20:20.160 centimeters.

02:20:21.100 Well,

02:20:21.480 I don't,

02:20:22.180 it's a gross.

02:20:22.840 It's 144.

02:20:24.880 It depends on how crypto is doing.

02:20:26.540 Let's be honest.

02:20:27.420 But she just,

02:20:28.300 she told me that while we were on the date,

02:20:30.080 she's like,

02:20:30.340 yeah,

02:20:30.460 I like to look up the guys you want dates with. 1.00

02:20:31.840 And I looked up like your dick size. 0.99

02:20:32.900 Just see if anybody like talked about it. 0.99

02:20:34.820 Wow.

02:20:35.300 Nobody had.

02:20:36.380 Yeah.

02:20:36.780 I think having,

02:20:37.460 they were left speechless.

02:20:38.860 Gang. 0.99

02:20:40.160 Having that wiener when you're young and having that fucking peace on you is really, 1.00

02:20:44.220 it's crazy. 1.00

02:20:45.120 That's so cool.

02:20:45.540 And especially if you're so lonesome as a kid, 0.99

02:20:47.820 it becomes your only fucking way to make yourself feel good. 0.99

02:20:50.380 That's what I remember. 0.99

02:20:51.320 A little stress ball.

02:20:52.340 I remember just feeling so horrible about myself that the only way I could make myself,

02:20:56.460 because it's an explosion of feeling good.

02:20:58.440 It really is a stress ball. 1.00

02:20:59.440 The penis is a stress ball. 1.00

02:21:00.580 Stressed out? 1.00

02:21:01.240 Touched it a few times?

02:21:02.120 Wow.

02:21:02.520 I'm not stressed anymore.

02:21:03.340 And you had it unlimited.

02:21:04.060 Give me those Arby's.

02:21:04.940 Dude,

02:21:05.100 I remember getting scared.

02:21:06.080 I was going to run out how much I had in me too.

02:21:08.980 You know?

02:21:10.840 Oh.

02:21:11.720 And you know what's crazy?

02:21:12.800 You never really do.

02:21:13.820 And then you hit 78 one day and all of a sudden,

02:21:15.660 well,

02:21:15.820 unless you're De Niro.

02:21:16.820 Yeah.

02:21:17.520 What do you take for that?

02:21:18.920 Oh, 1.00

02:21:19.260 I think you just fucking. 1.00

02:21:20.240 Herbal life? 1.00

02:21:21.260 I think you just take a nap and then fuck. 1.00

02:21:24.780 You know what I'm saying? 1.00

02:21:25.620 Is there an age you think you'll be done being horny?

02:21:28.080 Oh, 0.60

02:21:28.380 yeah.

02:21:28.940 65 probably.

02:21:30.380 Anybody,

02:21:30.880 I think.

02:21:31.180 Once you can retire.

02:21:32.280 To me, 0.99

02:21:32.680 if people are real older and they're fucking, 0.99

02:21:34.960 to me, 0.99

02:21:35.320 it seems like a lot. 0.99

02:21:36.900 Somebody asked me recently if my dad still fucks. 0.99

02:21:38.880 And I was like, 0.99

02:21:39.140 I don't want to know.

02:21:40.220 Yeah.

02:21:41.200 But some days he comes in a little too calm.

02:21:43.200 Does he?

02:21:43.500 All right.

02:21:44.720 Were you playing the back nine or were you playing the back?

02:21:47.000 What are you doing,

02:21:47.580 pops?

02:21:48.640 I wouldn't ask him all that,

02:21:50.200 dude,

02:21:50.320 if he's doing butt stuff. 0.60

02:21:50.780 I would never ask.

02:21:51.680 I would never ask.

02:21:52.580 Yeah.

02:21:53.120 I think one time I went,

02:21:54.560 my stepdad,

02:21:55.760 I live with this family in high school,

02:21:57.240 and I went with them and the dad and I did a Mardi Gras parade and he told me that he 0.91

02:22:02.100 got a little recently and it fucking blew my mind. 0.91

02:22:05.520 Isn't that crazy? 0.97

02:22:06.380 I don't think about that.

02:22:07.300 I don't think about that though,

02:22:07.860 but it was just crazy to hear it.

02:22:09.600 What else we got,

02:22:10.180 Zach?

02:22:10.420 Any news?

02:22:12.320 This woman says she's allergic to running. 1.00

02:22:15.060 A lot of people are giving her shit for this. 1.00

02:22:16.660 She had a reaction trying to catch a flight. 1.00

02:22:18.760 Oh,

02:22:18.980 she got a UTI.

02:22:19.840 That's all that is.

02:22:20.960 Whoa.

02:22:21.680 Whoa.

02:22:21.760 Whoa.

02:22:21.860 Whoa.

02:22:22.120 Whoa.

02:22:22.200 Whoa.

02:22:22.700 Whoa.

02:22:22.820 Whoa.

02:22:23.140 This is the New York. 1.00

02:22:23.880 God damn. 0.99

02:22:24.940 The swelling has swelled. 0.99

02:22:26.520 I just had a reaction.

02:22:27.620 You'd go back to that.

02:22:28.520 Dude,

02:22:28.800 I,

02:22:29.720 God dang,

02:22:31.120 wow.

02:22:31.660 That was like watching porn back in the day where like the photo would load,

02:22:34.520 you know,

02:22:35.780 percentage wise.

02:22:36.720 Cause that,

02:22:37.500 that came in out of nowhere.

02:22:38.580 At first I wanted to be like,

02:22:39.780 all right,

02:22:40.060 you're being annoying for no reason.

02:22:41.240 Then I was like,

02:22:41.660 you can be allergic to anything.

02:22:43.140 Just not me.

02:22:44.780 God.

02:22:46.000 Oh,

02:22:46.320 there's footage of her running.

02:22:48.480 It is funny how like people like,

02:22:49.680 uh,

02:22:50.240 sorry to cut you off,

02:22:51.020 uh,

02:22:51.500 document everything on Tik TOK.

02:22:53.120 Now,

02:22:53.300 like,

02:22:53.860 like there's like in court,

02:22:55.300 they're like watching Tik TOK.

02:22:56.380 It's like,

02:22:56.600 well,

02:22:56.720 here's me documenting my rash.

02:22:58.820 Yeah.

02:22:59.980 Yeah.

02:23:00.300 It's like,

02:23:00.520 it's such a Tik TOK.

02:23:02.100 Yeah.

02:23:02.380 Okay.

02:23:02.540 That doesn't necessarily,

02:23:03.400 if you put it to music or whatever,

02:23:05.060 what does she say in this thing?

02:23:06.180 Zach,

02:23:06.400 can we see any of this?

02:23:08.020 She was running on a delayed flight.

02:23:09.760 And then made a Tik TOK about how you can be allergic to running.

02:23:13.580 And this is proof of that.

02:23:15.120 It's because she had a reaction to it.

02:23:17.600 That's not like something I would have said in like eighth grade PE.

02:23:19.860 When they're like,

02:23:20.260 all right,

02:23:20.420 run the mob,

02:23:21.000 but I'm allergic.

02:23:22.060 Once we got on the plane,

02:23:23.040 she started breaking it out into hives.

02:23:24.400 And this is what happened last time when her throat started closing.

02:23:27.000 She popped a few Benadryls,

02:23:28.360 hoping it would go away,

02:23:29.360 but it didn't.

02:23:32.260 Did she just say gang gang?

02:23:33.460 She ended up having to quietly use her EpiPen.

02:23:36.020 We didn't let anybody else know because knowing America,

02:23:38.060 they were charged for no reason.

02:23:39.760 I think this confirmed our doubts that she's allergic to running. 0.97

02:23:42.380 Thankfully she was fine.

02:23:43.360 And it was just a little drowsy after.

02:23:46.620 What a full circle moment.

02:23:48.960 That is crazy.

02:23:49.900 Do you think that we're getting so soft?

02:23:51.820 People are allergic to running.

02:23:52.920 I think that is the environment that we're headed into as a species.

02:23:55.640 Yeah.

02:23:55.820 Well,

02:23:56.260 I do think that's something that you could challenge a PE teacher with.

02:23:59.360 Or you got to run the mile.

02:24:00.500 I'm allergic to the mile.

02:24:02.040 What do you mean?

02:24:02.880 You're going to question what I'm allergic to?

02:24:04.760 Yeah. 0.63

02:24:05.320 Just like you're allergic to your wife. 0.99

02:24:06.640 Where's the last time you saw her? 0.97

02:24:08.160 Start flaming the PE teacher. 1.00

02:24:10.800 Bro,

02:24:11.160 that's the problem with every,

02:24:12.260 nobody,

02:24:12.760 here's one of the issues with everything.

02:24:14.620 Nobody wants to follow what the kind of basic guidelines are for everything.

02:24:19.160 Like there,

02:24:19.580 when I was a child,

02:24:20.480 there was a template for everything.

02:24:22.080 There was how you did it.

02:24:22.960 You stood for the pledge of allegiance.

02:24:24.660 You didn't even know anything.

02:24:25.720 Maybe you knew a fireman. 1.00

02:24:26.840 Maybe your mom and fucking, 1.00

02:24:28.020 you know, 1.00

02:24:28.460 was trying to date a cop or something.

02:24:29.960 That's the most you knew about the military.

02:24:31.840 But you stood for the pledge of allegiance,

02:24:34.000 right?

02:24:34.660 You,

02:24:35.020 like you respected your teachers.

02:24:37.220 You didn't question anything.

02:24:38.500 And now we've gotten in a place where you question everything,

02:24:41.400 but is it doing us any good really?

02:24:43.360 Cause all it is,

02:24:44.080 is just watching people fight.

02:24:45.940 And now nobody wants to do any jobs anymore because they're not,

02:24:48.760 respected.

02:24:49.560 Well,

02:24:49.760 also I think it's the power of the phone too.

02:24:51.960 Cause like a PE teacher can be like,

02:24:53.440 that's not real. 1.00

02:24:54.020 You have to run the fucking mile, 0.99

02:24:55.060 but then you pull a phone out and they're like, 1.00

02:24:56.740 well now I could get fired for this.

02:24:58.180 And they're like,

02:24:58.700 Oh,

02:24:59.280 all right.

02:24:59.860 It's like those videos where people are like acting crazy. 0.99

02:25:02.840 Like the Karen type shit. 0.99

02:25:04.220 Whenever they see the phone, 1.00

02:25:05.180 they either double down and go even crazier.

02:25:07.680 I love when they go crazy.

02:25:08.960 They're like,

02:25:09.380 hello,

02:25:10.000 Facebook live.

02:25:10.980 I'm like, 1.00

02:25:11.260 bitch, 1.00

02:25:11.500 I'm on TikTok. 1.00

02:25:12.940 Young ass is on Facebook. 0.99

02:25:14.900 But they're always like, 1.00

02:25:15.740 Oh,

02:25:16.080 hello everyone.

02:25:17.360 Who's watching?

02:25:18.760 But you either double down or you back up and you're like,

02:25:21.260 Oh,

02:25:21.500 I'm so,

02:25:21.860 so dude,

02:25:22.480 I saw a guy get kicked off a flight.

02:25:23.700 This is a great story.

02:25:25.020 This guy got kicked off a flight.

02:25:26.200 I was coming back from Hawaii and this dude,

02:25:28.980 he was an older guy.

02:25:30.580 And,

02:25:31.060 uh,

02:25:31.580 this was first class.

02:25:32.780 I say this,

02:25:33.520 uh,

02:25:33.880 you know,

02:25:34.140 once,

02:25:34.440 once a year after all the tour,

02:25:35.860 I go to Hawaii. 0.98

02:25:36.480 It's like my like fucking chill out place. 0.97

02:25:38.500 And on the flight back, 0.98

02:25:39.760 this guy,

02:25:40.940 first thing goes,

02:25:42.260 do you guys have any vegan options for breakfast?

02:25:44.020 Like seven a.m.

02:25:44.580 She goes,

02:25:44.920 Oh no,

02:25:45.240 this is all we have.

02:25:45.960 And it was some scrambled egg and he gets mad.

02:25:47.900 He tosses the menu in the air.

02:25:49.220 And I go,

02:25:49.600 this is,

02:25:49.900 we're about to pop off. 0.99

02:25:51.160 You can feel that fucking a little bit of Hulk Hogan. 0.99

02:25:53.980 And this dude's like 70, 0.99

02:25:55.200 right?

02:25:56.520 Next they're playing like,

02:25:57.860 just kind of like ukulele,

02:25:59.120 just kind of casual.

02:25:59.920 And the TV screens.

02:26:01.300 It's like,

02:26:01.580 it's a preset.

02:26:02.260 It just plays.

02:26:02.960 It's like,

02:26:03.240 it's a small world.

02:26:04.040 It's just playing.

02:26:04.900 And he goes,

02:26:05.880 Hey,

02:26:06.000 can you turn this music off?

02:26:07.600 Right?

02:26:07.820 And I go,

02:26:08.200 we're really bubbling.

02:26:10.080 We're getting to something good.

02:26:11.400 And then they go,

02:26:12.240 we can't turn off the music.

02:26:13.380 This is the most electric thing I've ever seen.

02:26:15.160 He pulls out his iPad and he puts on stairway to heaven by Led Zeppelin on full blast.

02:26:19.820 And he leans over to his wife and goes,

02:26:21.820 they'll never make music like they used to.

02:26:24.400 And then eventually he's playing it out loud.

02:26:27.220 Seven minute song.

02:26:28.540 And it,

02:26:29.060 and it's to the point where I'm like, 0.99

02:26:30.240 this is a good fucking song, 0.99

02:26:31.460 you know? 0.99

02:26:32.160 And then essentially like they gave him a couple of warnings.

02:26:35.440 And then,

02:26:35.740 uh,

02:26:36.160 this like Samoan chick and cop outfit comes in, 1.00

02:26:39.260 grabs him by the shoulder and his attitude shifts like crazy.

02:26:42.440 And he's like,

02:26:42.740 Oh,

02:26:43.100 I'm so sorry.

02:26:43.700 I didn't mean to.

02:26:44.640 And then he turns the music off and they kick him off.

02:26:47.220 He leaves his wife there.

02:26:48.880 But on the way out,

02:26:49.680 on the way out,

02:26:50.360 most baddest thing he ever says,

02:26:52.120 he goes,

02:26:52.500 go on without me.

02:26:53.660 You'll be fine.

02:26:54.740 You always are.

02:26:55.580 I was like,

02:26:55.840 this is the most,

02:26:57.100 it was like, 0.99

02:26:57.460 what the fuck is happening? 1.00

02:26:58.780 This is like the end of a fucking guilt porn scene. 1.00

02:27:01.300 But the guy got escorted and the wife didn't say shit the whole time. 1.00

02:27:04.300 She's like, 0.99

02:27:04.840 somebody give this man some fentanyl.

02:27:07.000 Stop acting out,

02:27:08.240 Robert.

02:27:08.820 It was Randy's gonna Randy.

02:27:10.860 Yeah.

02:27:11.400 It was one of the most electric thing. 1.00

02:27:13.260 Damn, 1.00

02:27:13.720 bro. 1.00

02:27:13.840 That's hype when somebody gets thrown off.

02:27:15.440 But his,

02:27:15.820 his,

02:27:16.200 his change was so quick.

02:27:18.020 And it was,

02:27:18.680 it was one of those moments where everyone else on the plane started looking at him like,

02:27:22.900 Oh,

02:27:23.060 was this,

02:27:23.560 we're about to be in a,

02:27:24.540 is this a world star moment?

02:27:25.600 Yeah.

02:27:26.140 I was excited.

02:27:27.340 You ever been in a,

02:27:28.300 like,

02:27:28.760 like a moment like that where,

02:27:30.000 where someone's about to start popping off?

02:27:31.900 Oh,

02:27:32.360 dude,

02:27:32.620 when I was last time I was in Hawaii,

02:27:34.380 they had a,

02:27:35.140 somebody died at breakfast,

02:27:37.320 right?

02:27:37.620 So let me think about what happened.

02:27:41.100 So we're at breakfast,

02:27:42.680 right?

02:27:43.020 Cause that's where somebody died at and good meal to diet.

02:27:47.160 I was every,

02:27:47.640 Oh,

02:27:47.780 I agree.

02:27:48.520 Everybody's eating right.

02:27:49.480 Magic Johnson is there.

02:27:51.100 Okay.

02:27:51.240 It was a nice hotel,

02:27:53.180 right?

02:27:53.580 Yeah.

02:27:54.240 So same,

02:27:54.900 right.

02:27:55.100 Once here,

02:27:55.440 I take myself to a nice hotel in Hawaii.

02:27:58.160 Right.

02:27:58.900 Which is a blessing,

02:28:00.160 man.

02:28:00.360 It's like,

02:28:00.680 I work super hard.

02:28:01.620 That's what I do.

02:28:02.580 Yup.

02:28:02.940 So magic Johnson's is there dude.

02:28:05.560 And he's chilling and some dude starts dying,

02:28:09.780 you know,

02:28:11.120 and every,

02:28:11.840 some people know how to help people that are dying.

02:28:13.920 So I,

02:28:14.420 I kind of jump up and I'm like, 0.99

02:28:15.640 Oh fuck, 0.99

02:28:16.040 I don't know anything. 1.00

02:28:16.880 I'm a comedian.

02:28:17.680 Yeah.

02:28:18.000 So I sit back down,

02:28:19.280 plug in Bluetooth ads.

02:28:22.460 So other people go over there and they put up like this partition around the

02:28:26.060 dude's table.

02:28:26.580 What would you can hear him over there?

02:28:27.840 Just pumping on the dude,

02:28:29.580 right?

02:28:30.140 They take the buffet stands and put it in front.

02:28:32.340 Closed.

02:28:32.940 Yeah.

02:28:33.180 That's kind of how they did.

02:28:34.280 But then so many people got over there.

02:28:35.800 They even had to move those. 0.95

02:28:36.820 So you can kind of see the guy and they finally get him back up.

02:28:39.040 Right.

02:28:39.720 But then,

02:28:40.440 uh,

02:28:40.760 he goes down again.

02:28:41.800 And so they're over there and then it's like,

02:28:44.120 he,

02:28:44.480 it's a wrap.

02:28:45.380 So everybody's like,

02:28:46.160 how long do you wait?

02:28:47.980 How long do you wait?

02:28:48.540 So after somebody's like,

02:28:50.300 they had to eat again.

02:28:51.400 Right.

02:28:51.720 So everybody's kind of like,

02:28:53.440 can you get seconds?

02:28:54.980 Right.

02:28:55.340 There's nobody's like making a move.

02:28:57.420 There's a waiter,

02:28:58.020 take his plate.

02:28:58.640 Like,

02:28:58.780 are you done here?

02:28:59.660 Do you need a box or do you need to be in a box?

02:29:01.800 What are we doing?

02:29:02.180 Yeah.

02:29:03.380 Wow.

02:29:04.280 So it's like,

02:29:05.060 what do you,

02:29:05.660 so what did magic Johnson do?

02:29:07.160 It was crazy.

02:29:07.740 And I'm like,

02:29:08.320 dude,

02:29:08.520 this guy should have done something.

02:29:10.280 Right.

02:29:11.260 First name magic.

02:29:12.860 Yeah.

02:29:13.520 Or like that,

02:29:14.340 you know,

02:29:14.480 make a wish.

02:29:15.020 The final thing is like,

02:29:15.960 dude,

02:29:16.120 magic Johnson's here to send you off.

02:29:18.000 Yeah.

02:29:18.420 That'd be kind of cool.

02:29:19.280 That'd be so cool.

02:29:19.980 The last thing you see is like a couple of pineapples and magic Johnson.

02:29:23.040 I'm going to assist you to heaven,

02:29:24.480 brother.

02:29:26.080 You know?

02:29:26.640 And then you don't die.

02:29:27.580 You're just hanging out.

02:29:28.500 And he's like,

02:29:28.940 I'm going to go to my room now.

02:29:30.080 Yeah. 1.00

02:29:30.380 Kareem's an asshole. 1.00

02:29:31.440 That's what I've always heard. 1.00

02:29:33.400 That's crazy.

02:29:34.020 Last time I was in Hawaii,

02:29:35.000 the week I got there,

02:29:36.720 somebody got their arm chopped off in a 7-Eleven with a machete.

02:29:39.680 Oh,

02:29:39.920 wow.

02:29:40.440 Yeah.

02:29:41.020 That's crazy.

02:29:41.700 That seems like more Albuquerque type vibe.

02:29:43.620 It really is.

02:29:44.260 It's kind of like,

02:29:44.840 also like we get it.

02:29:45.740 It's a personality thing.

02:29:46.640 Now you have to walk around.

02:29:47.400 What happened to your arm?

02:29:48.120 Oh,

02:29:48.260 it was machete.

02:29:48.920 Yeah.

02:29:49.300 I get it.

02:29:49.920 But it was crazy.

02:29:51.600 Yeah.

02:29:51.720 I met a cool lady from, 1.00

02:29:52.580 I think Oklahoma maybe,

02:29:53.640 and her daughter,

02:29:54.220 she had lost an arm.

02:29:56.660 She was a mail truck driver. 1.00

02:29:58.980 And I met her and her daughter,

02:30:00.100 beautiful ladies. 0.98

02:30:01.980 And she had,

02:30:04.360 something had happened,

02:30:04.920 the mail truck had fallen over.

02:30:06.900 And she rolled over,

02:30:08.240 it rolled over on her arm.

02:30:09.580 And she didn't.

02:30:11.060 She,

02:30:11.560 That's crazy.

02:30:13.020 Yeah.

02:30:13.320 She mailed her arm to heaven,

02:30:14.380 I guess,

02:30:14.680 or whatever,

02:30:15.100 you know,

02:30:15.320 or whatever,

02:30:15.760 however they say it.

02:30:16.980 But she was missing an arm.

02:30:18.960 I don't know.

02:30:19.680 What else we got,

02:30:20.580 man?

02:30:20.880 Anything else we wanted to talk about?

02:30:22.280 I'm trying to think.

02:30:23.040 How's work been,

02:30:26.120 man?

02:30:26.260 So you tour,

02:30:26.960 you,

02:30:27.560 do you notice that there's other comics?

02:30:29.540 Cause you kind of got your start,

02:30:30.980 do you feel like in social media?

02:30:32.420 Yeah.

02:30:33.140 Yeah.

02:30:33.460 I started with standup,

02:30:34.580 but social media is what kind of like put me in front of people.

02:30:37.380 And then I used the people who are watching me from digital to be like,

02:30:40.820 Hey,

02:30:40.960 I also do standup and come to a show.

02:30:42.280 Yeah.

02:30:42.640 And then just kind of like,

02:30:43.840 you know,

02:30:44.380 the first headlining show I did was in San Diego in like 2017 and like 112

02:30:48.480 people showed up and I was like,

02:30:50.340 Oh,

02:30:50.480 okay,

02:30:50.680 cool.

02:30:51.140 And then I quit my job and I slowly did one nighters.

02:30:53.460 And then I just kind of started building with videos and just,

02:30:56.140 and then by throwing myself in the deep end to headline,

02:30:58.800 I didn't have 45 minutes on my set list.

02:31:00.980 I wrote crowd work.

02:31:02.060 This was early on.

02:31:03.420 You know how bad you got to be at that time to be like,

02:31:05.520 all right,

02:31:05.820 for the next five minutes,

02:31:06.580 Oh cool.

02:31:08.400 What's your brother's name?

02:31:09.820 They,

02:31:10.240 I wasn't ready.

02:31:11.320 So I just kind of threw myself in the deep end just because I was like,

02:31:14.700 you know,

02:31:15.240 if I'm going to take this leap,

02:31:16.660 I got to do it now.

02:31:17.640 Yeah.

02:31:18.060 Cause then I can quit my job,

02:31:19.920 pay my rent by doing standup and a little bit of videos and I can just

02:31:23.240 double down on myself.

02:31:24.720 And that was six. 1.00

02:31:26.420 Fuck. 1.00

02:31:26.740 I don't even know. 1.00

02:31:27.180 Almost six years ago.

02:31:28.540 Yeah.

02:31:28.940 But yeah,

02:31:29.380 it's good.

02:31:29.660 I'm filming a special in July.

02:31:31.820 Do you know the Paramount in Austin?

02:31:34.260 Oh yeah.

02:31:34.900 July 14th and 15th.

02:31:36.220 Uh,

02:31:36.620 Saturday's shows are sold out.

02:31:39.160 Uh,

02:31:39.520 we added a Friday and I think that's almost sold out,

02:31:41.860 but Trevor wall's comedy.com.

02:31:43.120 But you,

02:31:43.360 you're doing like nine shows there,

02:31:44.760 right?

02:31:45.280 Yeah.

02:31:45.500 We're going to be there.

02:31:46.040 I think in like a week or something. 1.00

02:31:47.140 Holy shit. 0.99

02:31:47.740 Have you done that theater next week? 0.99

02:31:49.240 Yeah.

02:31:49.580 It's great.

02:31:50.340 I've done it a few years ago.

02:31:51.160 I haven't done it in a while.

02:31:51.940 Yeah.

02:31:52.160 How many shows are you doing?

02:31:53.200 I'm so excited.

02:31:53.980 I think we're doing nine,

02:31:56.400 10,

02:31:57.060 10 shows.

02:31:58.040 We just added another show. 1.00

02:32:00.140 What the fuck? 1.00

02:32:01.740 Is that two per nine? 1.00

02:32:02.880 Or is that just like 10 days?

02:32:04.040 No,

02:32:04.340 it's 10 days.

02:32:04.760 I'm going to stay in Austin.

02:32:06.420 Oh,

02:32:06.840 roving it up.

02:32:07.600 Yeah.

02:32:07.920 I'm gonna spend some time over there and try to just see what I like about the city.

02:32:11.180 Nice.

02:32:11.580 It is.

02:32:11.960 I was,

02:32:12.220 I was there on Sunday.

02:32:12.940 It's a nice city.

02:32:13.860 You were?

02:32:14.460 I do like,

02:32:14.940 yeah.

02:32:15.120 So on,

02:32:15.860 after Indianapolis,

02:32:17.240 oh,

02:32:17.540 you'll love this.

02:32:18.800 We filmed the Gary V con with Gary V did a video there.

02:32:21.540 And then on Sunday there was in Kyle,

02:32:23.400 Texas,

02:32:23.660 which is 30 minutes from Austin.

02:32:26.260 They tried to break the record for most people named Kyle in one location ever.

02:32:31.400 And I made that video a couple of years ago about like guys named Kyle. 0.95

02:32:34.920 I was like this like fucking just kid who just loved punching drywall, 0.99

02:32:38.820 drinking monsters. 0.99

02:32:39.480 Just like just was a kid who definitely was neglected by his parents and huffed Axe body 0.69

02:32:44.080 spray.

02:32:44.740 And then,

02:32:45.400 so they were doing a Kyle meetup and I was like,

02:32:48.880 dude,

02:32:48.980 how funny it would be if I went to this meetup dressed up as my Kyle character.

02:32:52.800 So I did.

02:32:54.200 That was on Sunday.

02:32:55.200 Yeah.

02:32:55.360 So that's a video we're working on.

02:32:56.420 Is that crazy? 0.98

02:32:57.060 It was fucking nuts, 0.99

02:32:57.860 but it's like, 0.99

02:32:58.440 if it was at the Kyle fair,

02:32:59.960 right? 0.99

02:33:00.060 So there was like families and shit there, 0.97

02:33:01.600 but there was also 1,700 people named Kyle registered and you needed 2,300 to break the record. 0.93

02:33:09.020 So they missed it?

02:33:09.660 They missed the record.

02:33:11.260 But dude,

02:33:11.820 I'll tell you what,

02:33:12.320 I've never seen that.

02:33:12.880 Dude,

02:33:13.080 that many Kyles, 0.99

02:33:13.760 we could have fucking January 6th all over again, 0.99

02:33:15.740 dog. 1.00

02:33:15.840 We could have taken over a fucking vape shop easy. 1.00

02:33:18.980 Dude, 1.00

02:33:19.360 it was.

02:33:19.940 And what did they do?

02:33:20.780 Yeah.

02:33:20.980 What was their booths?

02:33:22.160 Were there like Kyle?

02:33:23.880 Dude,

02:33:24.200 there was a drywall booth.

02:33:25.780 Like a duck,

02:33:26.360 duck,

02:33:26.620 Kyle or whatever.

02:33:28.000 Dude, 0.99

02:33:28.420 I don't even know what the fuck. 0.99

02:33:29.300 We were in and out of there pretty quick. 0.99

02:33:32.040 But there was a drywall booth where you pay $5 to punch some drywall.

02:33:36.560 It was like half families and just have dudes named Kyle with nothing better to do. 0.96

02:33:40.820 Is it crazy to see that many people name one with one name in the same place?

02:33:44.860 It is because they all look like they were Kyles.

02:33:48.080 They all look like.

02:33:49.180 Bring up Kyle.

02:33:50.980 Yeah.

02:33:51.520 Or Kyle.

02:33:52.560 Yeah,

02:33:52.760 just type in Kyle.

02:33:53.680 Most common Kyle looking?

02:33:55.560 Yeah,

02:33:55.980 they all kind of look like they would,

02:33:58.660 you know,

02:33:58.980 they had puka shell necklaces at one point.

02:34:01.020 Oh,

02:34:01.300 yeah.

02:34:01.360 And they got sunburn easy type of fellow.

02:34:04.860 You know,

02:34:05.140 it's not like blonde hair,

02:34:06.020 but it's not brown.

02:34:07.000 It's kind of that like.

02:34:07.880 Mm-hmm.

02:34:08.900 Yeah,

02:34:09.080 type in Kyle.

02:34:09.740 Oh,

02:34:09.980 yeah,

02:34:10.140 there you go.

02:34:10.680 So there's me right there.

02:34:12.200 Oh,

02:34:12.400 so if you go to Kyle,

02:34:13.260 know your meme,

02:34:13.680 it's just my video.

02:34:14.560 There's some Kyle's right there.

02:34:15.000 Yeah.

02:34:15.460 Oh,

02:34:15.840 God,

02:34:16.280 yeah.

02:34:18.020 So I made this video like three or four years ago about guys named Kyle.

02:34:23.400 And then so I just was like,

02:34:25.120 this would be such a funny video. 1.00

02:34:26.780 It's so stupid. 1.00

02:34:28.160 If we just went to the fair. 1.00

02:34:32.160 And so we got a video and like,

02:34:34.040 it was very,

02:34:34.780 it was fun,

02:34:35.220 dude.

02:34:35.980 Anytime people see a camera and a microphone,

02:34:38.740 they already get pretty like fired up.

02:34:40.740 But then when Kyle see a camera,

02:34:42.400 they're like,

02:34:43.260 this is my chance.

02:34:44.640 So dude,

02:34:45.180 they're going wild. 1.00

02:34:46.100 They let me on stage and I got to yell a bunch of shit. 1.00

02:34:48.320 That's sick. 1.00

02:34:49.120 Yeah.

02:34:49.400 I was like,

02:34:49.860 it smells like Slim Jim's and broken homes.

02:34:52.140 And then they were like,

02:34:53.560 all right,

02:34:54.120 Trevor Wallace.

02:34:54.820 Yeah.

02:34:55.660 It was fun,

02:34:56.160 man.

02:34:56.260 So that video will be coming out later this week.

02:34:57.920 But were you ever approached by like bar stool or anything to work with them?

02:35:01.940 I've done podcasts there,

02:35:03.120 but not like anything to work for them.

02:35:05.540 Like,

02:35:05.760 no,

02:35:06.160 no,

02:35:06.580 no,

02:35:06.700 no,

02:35:07.400 no,

02:35:07.840 I never was.

02:35:08.840 I don't know.

02:35:09.400 Have any LA people like work there?

02:35:11.200 I think it's a lot of East coast people.

02:35:13.120 I don't know why they don't have an LA office also.

02:35:16.480 Yeah. 1.00

02:35:17.460 Maybe LA is just fucking too pussy for them, 1.00

02:35:19.520 dude. 1.00

02:35:19.940 Damn. 1.00

02:35:20.520 Damn. 1.00

02:35:21.040 But they're, 0.99

02:35:21.400 they're good people.

02:35:22.040 I know I said whatever,

02:35:22.860 how their,

02:35:23.220 their podcast clip stuff.

02:35:24.540 You know,

02:35:25.020 I think they're very aware of that,

02:35:26.180 but they're good people.

02:35:26.900 Everybody I met over there is,

02:35:27.780 is really nice,

02:35:28.540 dude.

02:35:28.780 Caleb's awesome.

02:35:30.040 All the KFC guys.

02:35:32.180 Oh yeah,

02:35:32.760 dude,

02:35:32.940 they crushed it over there.

02:35:33.900 I mean,

02:35:34.340 they kind of like,

02:35:35.800 you know,

02:35:36.180 they've created some neat shows.

02:35:37.640 They got all types of characters that start to come out of there.

02:35:40.580 I think that's real fascinating.

02:35:42.180 Yeah.

02:35:42.380 You know,

02:35:42.560 I'd love to have sometimes more like characters to be involved,

02:35:45.740 like in our world and podcasting and stuff.

02:35:48.500 Sometimes it's hard to like facilitate all that though.

02:35:50.540 You know,

02:35:50.800 I mean,

02:35:51.140 it's literally like a reality show.

02:35:52.840 It's like,

02:35:53.020 they just launched careers based on the employees they work with.

02:35:56.400 It's really smart because people attach to the personalities instead of the brand.

02:36:00.480 It's like,

02:36:00.980 Oh, 0.88

02:36:01.060 we love Glennie balls, 0.83

02:36:02.000 but in loving Glennie balls,

02:36:04.180 you're loving barstool, 0.96

02:36:05.220 you know?

02:36:05.700 Yeah.

02:36:06.220 It's so much easier to get attracted to a personality than it is a brand.

02:36:09.100 So it's really smart to do that.

02:36:11.200 What,

02:36:11.640 um,

02:36:12.960 what else can we think about?

02:36:15.300 Yeah.

02:36:15.620 I don't know if I can even think about anything else.

02:36:17.720 Did I ever tell you a story when I first met you,

02:36:20.280 you were eating,

02:36:21.160 it was the Oxnard improv.

02:36:22.480 Maybe I said this on the last podcast,

02:36:23.560 but the first time I met you,

02:36:25.280 I hosted for your show in Oxnard.

02:36:27.520 Oh,

02:36:27.860 thanks dude.

02:36:28.660 And,

02:36:29.060 uh,

02:36:29.400 this was like 2015,

02:36:30.720 2016.

02:36:31.060 And you ordered a salad.

02:36:33.040 It was a tuna sashimi salad with lettuce.

02:36:36.840 And you're like,

02:36:37.280 I don't want any lettuce.

02:36:38.680 And the lady's like, 1.00

02:36:39.500 so you want the salad?

02:36:40.300 And you're like,

02:36:40.600 I don't want the lettuce.

02:36:41.780 And then you were eating just raw tuna with your shirt off.

02:36:44.840 And you looked at me and you go,

02:36:46.240 it's crazy.

02:36:47.320 Anybody can make a baby. 0.74

02:36:49.140 And I was,

02:36:50.020 I was like such a fan.

02:36:51.940 And I was just like,

02:36:52.600 didn't want to overset my boundaries.

02:36:53.660 And I was like,

02:36:54.620 yeah,

02:36:54.900 man,

02:36:56.260 that is crazy.

02:36:57.440 Like I didn't,

02:36:58.040 I don't want to like,

02:36:59.120 it is crazy,

02:36:59.880 man. 0.99

02:37:00.000 When you think that anybody could fucking just pop one out into somebody else and fucking get a kid out of them. 0.99

02:37:05.540 But that's all that was going through your mind. 0.98

02:37:06.840 It was just such a funny,

02:37:08.140 just sitting there eating. 0.98

02:37:10.100 Makes me fucking hard, 0.99

02:37:11.280 boy. 0.99

02:37:11.940 It does.

02:37:12.540 Thinking about that.

02:37:13.460 Thank you,

02:37:13.960 man.

02:37:14.260 Yeah.

02:37:14.460 Thanks for even checking in while I was eating,

02:37:16.080 dude.

02:37:16.480 I mean,

02:37:16.740 I was just sitting there.

02:37:17.460 That was fun.

02:37:17.880 We've done a lot of fun shows together. 0.99

02:37:19.320 We did a fucking red bank together. 0.98

02:37:20.920 And yeah, 0.99

02:37:21.340 dude,

02:37:21.460 that was crazy,

02:37:22.420 but I was losing my mind that weekend.

02:37:24.380 Remember?

02:37:24.680 Really?

02:37:25.060 Oh,

02:37:25.200 well,

02:37:25.460 I think your flight got in like 30 minutes before the show. 1.00

02:37:28.200 But I was like losing my fucking mind. 0.99

02:37:30.340 That was crazy. 1.00

02:37:30.900 It was cold.

02:37:31.560 It was during COVID.

02:37:32.400 It was bizarre.

02:37:32.940 It was bizarre times.

02:37:33.960 Yeah.

02:37:34.100 It was red bank.

02:37:34.860 People were wasted.

02:37:36.280 Oh yeah.

02:37:37.120 Because it was outside.

02:37:38.080 It was like the first event,

02:37:39.260 let alone like a big name.

02:37:40.620 Like you was there.

02:37:41.200 They're like, 1.00

02:37:41.480 fucking yeah. 1.00

02:37:42.160 I saw one guy just throw a chair at another chair. 0.99

02:37:44.540 I was like, 0.98

02:37:44.780 what are you trying to fucking make less chairs? 0.98

02:37:46.960 It was fucking awesome, 0.99

02:37:48.260 dude. 0.98

02:37:48.360 That was a fun weekend.

02:37:49.860 I got to open your Wiltern show.

02:37:51.480 That,

02:37:51.580 that was,

02:37:51.960 Oh yeah,

02:37:52.880 dude.

02:37:53.080 That was great,

02:37:53.820 man.

02:37:54.080 That was like the biggest theater.

02:37:54.860 That was awesome.

02:37:55.420 People were stoked.

02:37:56.160 Really?

02:37:57.080 At the time.

02:37:57.860 Yeah.

02:37:58.040 I ended up doing one over the summer that was outside. 1.00

02:38:00.440 It was like some stupid, 0.99

02:38:01.440 like 5,000 thing. 1.00

02:38:02.400 That was unreal.

02:38:03.460 I wasn't headlining.

02:38:04.200 Wait,

02:38:04.220 did you do Canada?

02:38:05.600 Yeah.

02:38:05.760 The outside lands is me,

02:38:07.020 Michael.

02:38:07.440 I'm going there.

02:38:07.820 Oh,

02:38:08.060 and Tom Segura.

02:38:08.840 So we,

02:38:09.220 we essentially like open loosely open for Tom Segura,

02:38:12.260 but it was supposed to be Pete Davidson and it canceled.

02:38:14.300 And then Tom filled in and they're like,

02:38:16.080 Oh,

02:38:16.180 you guys are still on the show.

02:38:17.400 So you're doing it outside.

02:38:19.860 Let me know how you think it is. 1.00

02:38:21.960 Damn. 0.99

02:38:23.020 It's, 0.99

02:38:23.560 I texted Bob,

02:38:24.860 Bobby,

02:38:25.200 Bobby did it too.

02:38:26.120 I talked to Bobby about it.

02:38:26.800 Bobby said he liked it.

02:38:28.140 It's,

02:38:28.700 it's fun.

02:38:29.700 It's just different.

02:38:30.440 It takes a second to get used to it.

02:38:32.880 But like that,

02:38:34.320 like big pop is still there,

02:38:36.260 but it's,

02:38:37.900 it's not like as magnetic,

02:38:39.680 you know,

02:38:40.000 like electric. 1.00

02:38:41.200 Damn. 1.00

02:38:41.760 The laughs, 1.00

02:38:42.300 it's like,

02:38:42.700 you know,

02:38:43.180 when you watch people vape and it just dissipates in the air.

02:38:45.540 Yeah.

02:38:46.180 And a comedy club,

02:38:47.000 it gets a little smoky in there.

02:38:48.380 Yeah.

02:38:48.660 And laughs.

02:38:49.320 Yeah.

02:38:49.860 Hot laughs,

02:38:50.520 let's go up to the,

02:38:51.380 yeah.

02:38:52.020 People are just like,

02:38:52.540 huh?

02:38:52.980 It's not like you bomb,

02:38:53.940 but it's just like,

02:38:54.620 people are like,

02:38:54.980 huh?

02:38:55.680 It's just weird watching somebody eat funnel cake while you follow your dreams.

02:38:58.400 Oh yeah.

02:38:59.720 But the lashes drift up.

02:39:02.020 But dude,

02:39:02.360 I will say Edmonton is very like,

02:39:05.000 yee yee, 1.00

02:39:05.500 like country shit. 1.00

02:39:06.280 You'll crush dude. 1.00

02:39:07.080 People might even get closer to the stage.

02:39:09.180 If you were like, 1.00

02:39:10.600 fucking come here and get a lick of daddy. 1.00

02:39:13.060 People would swarm up front. 1.00

02:39:14.260 Fuck yeah, 1.00

02:39:14.820 boy. 1.00

02:39:15.100 Like, 1.00

02:39:15.340 fuck your table. 1.00

02:39:16.080 Come sit up front, 1.00

02:39:17.020 bitch. 1.00

02:39:18.200 I think people do it. 1.00

02:39:19.720 I think people,

02:39:19.980 and is it big?

02:39:20.800 Like,

02:39:20.980 can you see everybody?

02:39:22.300 No,

02:39:22.680 dude,

02:39:23.260 it like,

02:39:23.920 I honestly,

02:39:24.720 like I,

02:39:25.840 like it blew my mind that,

02:39:27.600 that,

02:39:27.720 that was there many,

02:39:28.760 that was there.

02:39:30.140 I can't talk.

02:39:31.420 That many people were just there.

02:39:33.060 Like it blew my mind.

02:39:34.460 Like 5,000 people just watching you.

02:39:36.220 And you're like,

02:39:37.200 just talking.

02:39:38.320 It's crazy. 1.00

02:39:39.080 Damn. 1.00

02:39:39.880 But you'll like it. 0.99

02:39:40.380 I'm excited about it.

02:39:41.140 I think I,

02:39:41.540 yeah,

02:39:42.040 it's the only outside show that I have,

02:39:44.200 I think right now.

02:39:45.000 Also,

02:39:45.840 I wasn't headlining.

02:39:48.040 Tom was.

02:39:48.880 So Tom,

02:39:49.640 by the time he got on,

02:39:50.540 was a little darker.

02:39:52.000 So we were up there broad daylight.

02:39:53.560 Uh-uh.

02:39:54.040 But,

02:39:54.340 oh yeah,

02:39:55.340 broad daylight.

02:39:56.700 Dude, 0.97

02:39:56.980 crazy.

02:39:57.800 I mean,

02:39:58.100 there's people,

02:39:58.660 there's a lady like burping a baby in the front row. 1.00

02:40:00.960 Yeah.

02:40:01.120 I like that.

02:40:01.580 Y'all better breastfeed. 1.00

02:40:02.700 Yeah.

02:40:03.180 Let me get some tit. 1.00

02:40:04.480 God, 0.99

02:40:04.960 I fucking love. 0.99

02:40:05.820 If something's on a tit near me, 0.99

02:40:07.600 I'm fucking happy really. 0.97

02:40:08.840 Oh yeah, 0.89

02:40:09.220 RSVP one.

02:40:10.100 I'm next.

02:40:10.740 How do I jump the line?

02:40:12.420 Oh,

02:40:12.840 I want to see,

02:40:13.600 I just want to smell gasoline 1.00

02:40:15.240 and fucking watch something fucking breastfeed, 1.00

02:40:17.340 you boy. 1.00

02:40:17.800 You ever had breast milk?

02:40:19.240 I haven't had a lot.

02:40:21.200 But you have?

02:40:22.440 I probably had a little,

02:40:23.400 I would say.

02:40:24.640 You know,

02:40:25.000 how can you even not get some?

02:40:26.440 With all the,

02:40:27.300 with everything these days,

02:40:28.420 there's probably breast milk. 0.98

02:40:29.720 Everything's cut with that.

02:40:31.040 Something,

02:40:31.560 dude.

02:40:31.760 Yeah,

02:40:32.000 you can't even get a pure line of cocaine

02:40:33.380 without being like, 1.00

02:40:34.260 a little bit of fucking lactate. 1.00

02:40:37.140 A little bit of breast milk in it. 1.00

02:40:40.380 Dude,

02:40:40.800 thanks for hanging out today,

02:40:42.000 man.

02:40:42.240 Dude,

02:40:42.260 thanks for having me.

02:40:43.160 I,

02:40:43.180 yeah,

02:40:43.780 you can check out Safe Socks Podcast.

02:40:45.960 Yeah,

02:40:46.180 yeah,

02:40:46.300 we'd love to have you on Sunday.

02:40:46.740 I got to pop back over there sometime

02:40:48.060 and check in with you guys.

02:40:48.980 Please do,

02:40:49.500 man.

02:40:49.640 It's always fun,

02:40:50.440 man.

02:40:50.520 People love seeing our chemistry together.

02:40:52.500 Yeah,

02:40:52.800 same,

02:40:53.200 man.

02:40:53.300 It's been a blast over the years,

02:40:54.420 man.

02:40:54.700 You're so exciting to watch

02:40:55.900 and I'm glad that you and I are buds

02:40:58.260 and that we have like,

02:41:00.620 you know,

02:41:01.360 the ability I can connect with you

02:41:02.720 if I have a question,

02:41:03.580 you know,

02:41:03.820 and I ask you always there for me,

02:41:05.120 so I appreciate that.

02:41:05.800 Yeah,

02:41:05.940 dude,

02:41:06.320 by any means,

02:41:06.900 you called me recently,

02:41:08.160 you're like,

02:41:08.420 do people still use the word riz?

02:41:09.580 And I was like,

02:41:09.960 yeah,

02:41:10.120 you could.

02:41:10.960 And then I looked at the comments

02:41:12.120 on that video,

02:41:12.700 people were like,

02:41:13.180 they were like quoting it,

02:41:13.980 like laughing.

02:41:14.760 Oh,

02:41:15.000 good,

02:41:15.240 yeah.

02:41:15.280 I'm glad to be your like 1.00

02:41:16.360 millennial little fuck to the internet. 1.00

02:41:18.480 Yeah, 0.99

02:41:18.720 I got to have that plug in,

02:41:19.840 man.

02:41:20.040 Exactly,

02:41:20.460 exactly,

02:41:20.900 dude.

02:41:21.020 Thank you,

02:41:21.440 bro.

02:41:21.520 You're great,

02:41:21.940 man.

02:41:22.060 Thanks for having me.

02:41:22.680 And I mean that about your audience

02:41:23.720 when I said earlier,

02:41:24.500 the best people.

02:41:25.780 Yeah,

02:41:26.040 man,

02:41:26.280 I don't know how we did it.

02:41:27.320 I don't know how we got a part of it.

02:41:28.740 Just,

02:41:29.060 yeah,

02:41:29.200 there's a lot of special people out there.

02:41:30.320 I think,

02:41:30.680 you know,

02:41:31.600 what you put out there attracts,

02:41:32.820 you know,

02:41:32.980 real attracts real. 0.98

02:41:33.940 And that's the fucking worst thing 0.99

02:41:35.020 I've ever said in my life, 0.99

02:41:35.760 but it makes sense.

02:41:37.400 You know,

02:41:37.620 we're trying to stay.

02:41:38.380 Yeah,

02:41:38.580 it's just,

02:41:38.920 it's been interesting,

02:41:39.660 man,

02:41:39.900 but it is crazy,

02:41:40.760 bro.

02:41:40.900 I can't even believe that this many people

02:41:42.020 come out to shows and,

02:41:43.340 you know,

02:41:44.440 I think you're only getting bigger.

02:41:45.660 I think,

02:41:46.020 I think,

02:41:46.240 I think your name is just like,

02:41:48.220 I know like that you're big when like,

02:41:50.740 like people who have never even seen standup

02:41:53.500 and like,

02:41:54.080 they're just so disconnected.

02:41:55.260 You know,

02:41:55.520 like people who are just so hot

02:41:56.800 that when they don't look you in the eyes,

02:41:58.440 it makes sense.

02:41:59.580 And then the one time they make eye contact,

02:42:01.240 they're like,

02:42:01.520 do you know Theo Bond?

02:42:02.700 You're like,

02:42:02.980 yeah, 1.00

02:42:03.160 this motherfucker is on. 1.00

02:42:05.240 This dude is on. 1.00

02:42:07.040 So congrats on that.

02:42:08.340 You're going to keep,

02:42:08.880 dude,

02:42:09.020 10 shows at the Paramount.

02:42:10.000 Paramount,

02:42:10.240 that's crazy.

02:42:11.020 Yeah,

02:42:11.240 I'm excited,

02:42:11.660 man.

02:42:11.760 That's like 13,000 people.

02:42:13.440 It's going to be crazy.

02:42:14.380 Well,

02:42:14.520 thanks,

02:42:14.900 Trevor.

02:42:15.120 I appreciate it,

02:42:15.660 man.

02:42:15.860 And thanks for spending time,

02:42:17.160 dude.

02:42:17.680 Trevor Wallace will share all of his socials

02:42:19.420 and everything.

02:42:20.200 Thanks so much.

02:42:21.120 Amen,

02:42:21.560 brother.

02:42:21.920 Best of luck.

02:42:22.460 I'll see you out there.

02:42:23.040 I'll see you on the date naps.

02:42:24.120 Hell yeah.

02:42:24.880 Trying to date each other?

02:42:26.680 All right,

02:42:27.140 dude,

02:42:27.300 cut.

02:42:31.520 And I feel I'm falling like these leaves.

02:42:34.880 I must be cornerstone.

02:42:40.140 Oh,

02:42:40.900 but when I reach that ground,

02:42:42.820 I'll share this peace of mind I found.

02:42:45.620 I can feel it in my bones.

02:42:49.860 But it's going to take a little.

This Past Weekend with Theo Von - June 06, 2023

E447 Trevor Wallace

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Summary

Transcript