E480 Tim Dillon
Episode Stats
Length
2 hours and 17 minutes
Words per Minute
197.64554
Hate Speech Sentences
112
Summary
Tim Dylan is one of the funniest people I've ever met and on this episode of The O.U.R. Podcast, he's joined by his good friend and fellow comedian, Mr. Dylan, to talk about his new show The Tim Dylan Show on Comedy Central and much more.
Transcript
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tour dates to tell you about tickets are currently remaining in state college pa february 7th amherst
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massachusetts february 9th brisbane in the australia on march 1 sydney in the australia on march 10th
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today's guest is one of the funniest people i think that's ever lived and it's a wild thing to say
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because i'm only just known of this period of time but i'd go on to throw him on in there probably in
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the top 400 uh he is on his american royalty tour right now uh he has his own show the tim dylan show
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it's a podcast you can find it every week um i'm just so grateful to get to to yap it up with this
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guy man he makes me laugh today's guest is my friend mr tim dylan
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i don't know sometimes i like it i just started doing it because like
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can we see tim shot just so we have his idea of it so we can
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if you can de-read my face somehow that would be amazing i know that
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these things are hard to do did you get a procedure done or something no no it's just i
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just have like i have like a breakout today some days you just wake up and you have like
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a breakout but if you have any of the technology that james cameron used in avatar
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to de-read your face a little did you just de-read my nose yeah we'll take something off of you any of
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the uh we'll do like plastic surgery there's got to be some like ai like i i just no we just got
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scalpel we just got scalpel good i think that software technology should get to a point where
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like literally when someone sees you they should go who are you
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you know yeah i agree man yeah i mean the fact that we have to show up it's crazy as ourselves
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oh it's insane and that's why the um yeah yeah that's what the metaverse is gonna is gonna slap
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as the kids would say the simple fact that yeah a one-legged person yeah has to actually present
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themselves it's insane they should just yeah because you know online they have two legs it's
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like hey how humiliating do you want this existence to be yeah now i see why people are like jacob
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elordi 2006 on their handle yeah but they won't come to the door to get their door dash no because god
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only knows i'll tell you this man those door dash people see some shit oh god dude first of all
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lest we forget the people that have had to go to people's homes brother they have to go into the
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trenches well sometimes they get killed sometimes people kill them
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sometimes you have a burrito in your car and you're driving it to someone's house and that is
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going to be the last thing you do on this earth the last thing you do is walk a soggy burrito to a
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guy's house and instead of just taking the burrito and saying thank you he goes i'm going to kill you
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now yeah he said and he then they kill you yeah they say welcome to memphis okay and the crazy thing is a
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lot of the people inside who know they're going to kill you yeah as you're walking up murders have
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gotten so advanced with like ambiance and production yes that they will even play yeah there goes my
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hero right from like yard plants yeah speakers hidden in yard plants yeah as you're about to go and then
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you're and you're laying there and you're bleeding out and and you the one of the last thoughts you have
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is this song is great this is a great song yeah and i'm sad i won't be able to hear it anymore it's
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the last thing i'm hearing and then you see that burrito as you're bleeding out you just look at it
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just that burrito yeah it's a tough gig a hand just comes in a frame and grabs it yeah yeah it's a tough
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gig um the gig economy is tough well you know i've talked about this before it's they want us to all just
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be gig people who are doing gigs oh they want us to be it will eventually be the lords right and then
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everybody else will just be driving around like literally holding we'll all be uber drivers right
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and we'll be holding each other at gunpoint to be passengers like be my passenger now sit in the back
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seat subscribe to my daughter's only fans while you're back there right she's in the front seat with a
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light owner yeah yeah no it's going to get to a point where there's going to be i think communities
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where no one leaves like really wealthy communities and then people are just going to get so rich these
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houses are getting so big everything they want is going to be in their house like they're going to
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have the whole foods in the house yeah it'll be a tinier whole foods but it'll be in their house
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they go i just have a grocery store in my home i have everything i need in my home we have a little
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doctor's office they're going to get to a point where you go to the doctor and they just take an
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elevator down in their house to an urgent care there's an urgent care there's a nurse sitting
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there and the nurse is going to hand you the paperwork and you go bitch you're in my house
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you know what i mean and then she's gonna go yeah but it's like still one of those things we have to
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fill out and you go all right so you're filling out paperwork in your own house to get your ball looked
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at and that's how rich that's the level of rich where you're never gonna have to leave never never
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gonna have to leave and why should you have to leave yes i think then every now and then you you
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go you gamble online by ordering doordash just to yeah see a someone come up from the depths from the
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lower from somebody climb out of a wishing well you'll go to an airport yeah that'll be the thing
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like occasionally you'll go to an airport you'll go god cheat and you're gonna see these like people
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around you and they will have their pillows around their neck and they're drinking like smoothies and
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stuff and some of them are asleep on the floor and you're gonna go oh yeah that's what life is
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for most of these people that don't have a doctor's office in their house yeah yeah it's definitely
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getting alarming man people are sleeping they had a family they found said was sleeping in a wishing
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well they had basically commandeered a wishing well somewhere yeah and a guy had built a two-bedroom
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yeah with shovels right had two-bedroomed out a wishing well and it was raising his children in it
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well it's like it's like all the disney stories that we grew up with are now very disturbing you
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know like this idea of like when you look back at all these stories things like that like living in a
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well living in a wishing well if you had read that story when you were like 10 you'd be like that's the
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yeah it's beautiful like that's a beautiful moment that that family gets to live in that well and wish
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every day yeah and then you realize now it's just a place people throw cigarettes into it's a real
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horrible place you know you're just getting cigarettes and like recyclables old furniture
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yeah just a homeless guy yells into it every night when you're trying to sleep
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just undecipherable yelling for 20 minutes people just throwing used clothing just throwing old lacoste
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shirts down there so it's not like the you think it's like a family with a little lantern
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and it's like tonight it's time to wish but it's not that it's homeless people screaming if you come
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up i'm gonna get you know it's tough well also people don't want to talk about the real turf war
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that's going on today yeah and that is between door dashers and the homeless yes well because if you're
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homeless if i see a door dasher i see i'm seeing an opportunity that's all it is that's all it is
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if i by the way door dashers now are are they don't let it be known they're a door dasher they are
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stealth like food delivery people are stealth they'll dress up like post postal workers yeah vampires i've
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seen a vampire yeah you don't even know who they are they're in a costume they're in a truck i see
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somebody just wandering like sometimes they have their friend with them as a lookout have you seen that
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there's literally be a guy in the front seat of the car and then his chick will be just kind of
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looking out just making sure like nobody comes and kills him how crazy that door dashers yeah it's
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crazy yeah i mean and they are also carrying messages here's the thing i don't feel bad for
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any of them yeah because i don't know anyone who does it and i do believe anybody who's doing door dash
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has is is like you know in india they have a cast of people called the untouchables do they really yes
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you just can't fuck with them wow you can't go near them you see them and you look away
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that is kind of and this to no no don't take offense to this but it is when i encounter a food delivery
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person in the wild i i don't i look away no i will look away tim you don't feel like you're one of
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them a food delivery person no yeah i just there's so many other jobs i just feel like if you're delivering
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door dash i just inherently here's the thing i i i love them as a person they're child of god yeah but
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they're in so much pain are they a lot of times you can see they're in pain i can't see really
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they're just listening to scott staff usually i don't feel like they're i think some of them are
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in pain they're just it's tough it's a hard i just it's hard for me to see and look yeah it's just hard
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for me to look at well we make them the saddest part is we make them drive too it's like well yeah
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they're a victim to gas prices at least in other countries they like door dashers will be on motorcycles
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or they'll just be throwing the food to someone who's further down the street actually cool yeah
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because they're many of them are asian and they're on a tiny little bike and it's fun yeah and they're
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having a great time and they're actually seeing how fast they like yeah seeing how fast they can get
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it to you oh there's a dark web of that they are all on the way they get points in their little oh yeah
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they like seeing how and many of them are risking their life with ramen on their back to get it to you
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they're risking their life so that an nyu student can eat that ramen piping hot you're getting it so
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hot but in la maybe i should qualify my statement yeah it's only door dashers in la of course because
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they're all people that want to be like actors or screenwriters they're lazy the food's cold you
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barely get it yeah that that's my issue here it's not i don't want to malign all the food delivery
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people in los angeles i've noticed a problem sometimes they'll just steal the food yeah now that's
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another thing yeah some of them are just looking to get a meal because you can apply online yeah
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you can be working for door dash in six minutes or less that's one of their big things like yeah
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in six minutes that's not a good idea yeah it's a horrible idea it's a horrible idea become a
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door dash delivery guy in six minutes yeah you can be a door dash delivery guy in six minutes
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like or in a very small amount of time i'm not sure what it is but and they call you an
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independent contractor um but yeah next thing you know you can be you can have a food in 40 minutes
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you can be picking up food from somewhere that you can just eat yeah i mean i've had some issues with
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them have you well i actually door dash now i think it's pretty good it's the one that i use what i
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thought you just said all this well no they are they're bad but they're all bad like postmates is
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they're all different kinds of bad yeah postmates is bad uh uber uber eats i just feel like it's a
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monopoly i don't want to be involved uber eats is disgusting i don't want to be involved with
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people that are double dipping yeah i agree it's you know it's sick but to me it's like door dash
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even though it's evil it's the lesser of all the evils yeah or you could leave your house but that's
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terrifying to go and like the the process of getting oh to go into the world yeah it's crazy and to go eat
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like well like david spade still eats at mcdonald's you know he's basically he's like the
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ulysses s grant of our time i feel like like he goes yes he's on the front line he is the ulysses
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s grant he will go sit in there yeah dine he'll battle he has an amazing story about battling a
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homeless guy for a series of nuggets that he had right well that's probably what keeps a guy like
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that who's so successful and so beloved it's what keeps him grounded yeah like once a week he goes i'll go
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in his legendary career but he's like once a week let me go and get him a griddle yeah and see if i
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can make it out you know and if he can make it out with the mcgriddle he's like all right it's just
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we all need a little friction in our life like this is for you farley yeah this is for you and he goes in
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you know it's just he's like adam sandler's on a spaceship somewhere you know like writing movies
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from a space station and david spade's like let me just go into the la cienega mcdonald's and just
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see if i can get out today with a mcflurry get into my car dude there's a yeah i there's a promoter
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this guy who's a promoter promoted a bunch of like midwestern tour dates he'd double book features and
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stuff you'd show up you'd drive through the snow to paint winds in like midland iowa or something you'd
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get there he'd have four other fucking features you know and it would be closed it was just a
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nightmare oh it was unbelievable and he would always trade tickets for everything you'd go to eat with
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him he's like let's go to lunch and then he would try to pay with tickets and you'd feel so fucking
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embarrassed like i can afford then you'd end up having to pay for him a lot of times it was this
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guy was just like tickets at carnival like tickets to the comedy show oh because he was also a feature
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opener gotcha he did 10 minutes about um being uh just he did he did 10 minutes up top but one time
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he had two milkshakes right and a couple of he had a couple sisters that were fighting each other near a
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um honda civic okay right which is that's most of the midwest right that's probably a lot of it
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yeah the whole state of missouri so honda civic with two sisters maybe hefty
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maybe not i mean definitely like you could you wouldn't put more than three of them in a in a
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camry probably it would get tight so but they were they were talking shit outside in a parking lot
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right so he's like i'm gonna be a good samaritan i'm gonna walk over there with two milkshakes right
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because i think in some cultures if you milkshake a sister it's like
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it's just like it's beautiful it goes a long way yeah so he gets over there and they did not want
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anything to do with him and they literally started beating they lit him up for that dude that's
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up they lit him up for just coming with milkshakes and he was such a he'd never let go of the shakes
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right so this guy took all the abuse the beatings down on his knees and he still has the shakes like
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christ on the cross with a shake on each yeah gary that was his name yeah and we can take his name
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out if we want but that's who he was man he was yeah he'd invite you go to a show in the middle of
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lake of the ozark one time i went to it was nowhere yeah yeah it's the guys yeah it was just a couple
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dudes at a water fountain you know i used to do shows with this guy he was a pre like a preacher
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and he was a ex recovering addict oh of course he had one hand and like one arm like he he had a fake
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arm but this was before like there were good prosthetics you know so he it was like a i'm
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not even kidding kind of like a halloween arm oh yeah you can get the nixon arm or whatever right
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it only had one and it was like the coach arm like he was giving this so it was always just like this
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no matter what was going on he'd be like talking and then you just had this like a halloween arm it
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wasn't good and and he would leave it on the sink in the bathroom uh-huh and you would just walk into
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the green room and then you'd be taking a pass there'd be an arm yeah just an arm and then he'd
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like fasten on and one of his bits is he just you know took it off and the crowd would go nuts and
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he'd like put it back on it was a dark time in the beginning of comedy you know and then he he would
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tell people he like he'll go i'm a veteran he didn't lose his arm in any type of a veteran activity
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yeah but he would say i'm a veteran and they would be like oh thank you for your service but he never
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went you know he just i mean he served but he never served an active no yeah but he had like a
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fake arm and then he would get on airplanes and he'd go i should sit in first class i'm a veteran
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and then the woman would go yeah but that's not how it works we're sorry you have an economy ticket
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and he'd go i'm a veteran i serve this country and he would with the hand he'd be like i served this
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country and she's like you have to go to economy sir and then sometimes like part of the plane would
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side with him yeah like they'd look at her they'd be like you're disgusting but he was just an ex-crack
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head who lost his arm because he was on crack and gotten like a horrible accident his car
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yeah there's they never there's not enough differentia these days amongst the ptsd community
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i've said it a lot i don't want to hear that word unless you're in a war yeah i don't want to hear
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about ptsd uh i don't want to hear that you're taking i don't you don't need to take ayahuasca
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all the time like a lot of these people now just take ayahuasca i just came from a ceremony
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yeah but i mean it's okay every now and then but people are like overboard oh people are doing it
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too much it's overboard it's like the incans did not come up with ayahuasca so you could try to
00:19:26.560
figure out how to get a range rover there's no way that that was the intended purpose of ayahuasca
00:19:32.880
it's a religious they used to give it to kids before they sacrificed them and killed them and
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now and and if your shaman is named jennifer and she lives in studio city it's not a shaman you
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can't follow around a white bitch in santa fe new mexico you're just a junkie at that point you're
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a junkie if you're throwing up into a bucket in santa fe new mexico with a white bitch named jennifer
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you can't do ketamine every week there's people showing up they're going into the valley in la
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okay you're sitting in a lazy boy somebody who's not even a nurse but who's dressed in the scrubs
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yeah they're not you don't even know who a nurse is anymore yeah because they're just dressed in
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those scrubs but that's somebody that was door dashing a week ago and now they injecting you with
00:20:14.320
ketamine and you're laying in a chair just high you're a drug addict it's not they go people go i
00:20:19.840
do it i do ketamine but under the care of a doctor yeah that's not a doctor that's not a doctor yes
00:20:24.800
somebody that's watching amazon prime on their phone or listening to the salt burn soundtrack while you're
00:20:31.040
sitting there geeked out in a lazy boy in a lazy boy and then they're like hey did that help with
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your ptsd they're like what war were you in you go no i you know i wasn't in any war i just you know
00:20:42.000
yeah i had a stressful career as a gymnast i never made it to the olympic trials but like my parents
00:20:48.800
were real hard on me as a gymnast so i got to come in here and get high once a week yeah we were forced
00:20:53.680
to wear tight turtlenecks yeah at our private school it was real tough you know i sprained
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the hamstring once my family like was like all right well your life's over so now i got to get
00:21:04.720
high in a strip mall once a week it's like this may be not good r.i.p matthew perry sorry yeah r.i.p
00:21:11.040
man and it's just where we are yeah it really is man it's like we're at the point where people are
00:21:16.000
going to be holding each other um at gunpoint yeah to subscribe to the only fans or to get in
00:21:23.200
the uber technology will be the new drugs i think as technology gets better it will take the place
00:21:29.440
of drugs so when the metaverse gets so crazy that you can throw the goggles on you're gonna go i don't
00:21:34.800
need ayahuasca yeah because i'm i'm in the thing i you've created the digital world that i can live in
00:21:41.600
i don't need ketamine i'm i'm whoever i want to be in the digital world right like we were talking
00:21:45.920
before the show started somebody with one leg in the digital world has two legs and is running
00:21:51.600
yeah through a park and it's running through a park and it's running for office is running for office
00:21:56.480
in san francisco and it's just no homeless there in the digital world it's just beautiful yeah it's
00:22:00.880
just the painted ladies those houses from the oh from uh full house full house you're just running
00:22:06.480
through that park there's no heroin addicts nothing just you and your dog
00:22:11.280
running to the park but in real life you're a one-legged person living in a horrible situation
00:22:18.640
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tim dillon good to see you man thanks for having me we haven't seen each other in a while we haven't
00:24:40.240
seen each other in a while you're killing it you're all over the place i see you i see you i'm like this
00:24:44.560
is amazing you're the funniest guy people love you so much that's very sweet of you to say um did you
00:24:50.560
ever like what was i gonna ask you i just got back from i just saw the lahaina fires man ooh i just got
00:24:57.520
back from there i like a good fire yeah you know this was that was now here's the thing i don't want
00:25:03.040
anyone to die or anyone to be hurt this wouldn't be your space and i don't want anyone to lose their
00:25:07.840
property right but i just like a nice crisp i like a controlled burn oh i like a controlled burn
00:25:15.680
i think you go in there you do a controlled burn everybody goes to the hilltop kind of watch it
00:25:21.520
and then and you go down and rebuild together and then you go down and rebuild you need to do that
00:25:26.480
to thin out the forest otherwise if they get overgrown this is what happens yeah i wanted to
00:25:32.480
go scatter my mother's ashes in hawaii oh because she died and she loved hawaii did she really yeah
00:25:38.320
but it was a week after that i thought it would be in poor taste to come in with the urn you know what
00:25:43.520
i mean oh yeah you can't bring sand to the beach i just don't want to and i come in with the urn and i'm
00:25:48.720
just with ashes just kind of just kind of flinging them people or the urns as some black people call it
00:25:54.160
right yeah that's not what i didn't want to do it but i my mother did love hawaii but i was like
00:26:00.560
you know what she won't know the difference if i go down to florida just kind of you know what i
00:26:05.520
mean oh yeah the ocean's the ocean well she won't know the difference if you get one of those little
00:26:10.240
uh japanese sand gardens that's right and just dump her in the middle that's what we're gonna do i'm
00:26:14.800
actually just gonna throw an east river in new york water's water water eventually finds other water
00:26:20.160
i think that east river will eventually find hawaii i think that's the way water works
00:26:25.600
it has to be look just throw her in the hudson yeah bobby kennedy jr will clean it up yeah he'll
00:26:31.760
figure it out him and his wife will figure it out i love them they're a fun couple i just went to his
00:26:37.200
uh 70th birthday they are amazing she's amazing two nights ago she's so funny the best thing about
00:26:42.640
being around them is when she's around too there's this whole level of like comedy that's around it all
00:26:48.480
yes um it's a fun sitcom where she's like a fun bubbly sunny person and and the cia killed his
00:26:57.440
whole family and and it's just like a fun and it's like hilarity ensues you know what i mean
00:27:03.120
yeah and he's like looking for bombs in a car and she's playing tennis it's a fun mix they're an
00:27:09.200
odd couple come and knock on our door come and knock on our door this could be our last day
00:27:14.320
because they've killed all of his dad and his uncle and people are like why is this guy so
00:27:20.080
skeptical about stuff are you out of your money crazy people like why doesn't he trust the government
00:27:27.920
to inject us with the right chemicals it's like they killed it probably got so non-eventful that
00:27:34.000
they would just open his door when he was a kid and go they just killed someone else and he'd go
00:27:37.680
um whatever yeah did he even get upset after the third or the fourth one it was probably like
00:27:42.800
yeah we get it yeah you at the after that you got to be able to just bet on who it's going to happen
00:27:47.120
to on prize yeah and they would just come to him and be like hey so your nephew just flew into a
00:27:51.040
mountain we think we don't even know we think your cousin was eaten by a shark but while she was skiing
00:27:57.440
like they didn't even make sense they're like she was eaten by a shark on the slopes and he'd have to
00:28:02.240
just take it he'd have to go yeah man that's what happens when sharks get in the mountains it's
00:28:06.400
yeah yeah she fell she fell through a pothole in in her imagination yeah they would none of it made
00:28:14.080
sense they were like you there was there was like there was one shooter who shot your father 18 times
00:28:21.040
but that shooter was blind yeah he was blind blind man who shot your father in a hotel kitchen this is
00:28:28.320
so sad it's crazy have you been to the place the the the place where the shooting happened i have not
00:28:34.960
bro you lean you would have to to actually pull crazy you would have to lean out of a window oh
00:28:42.160
that yeah jfk i was at that yeah that is facing kind of the other way you'd have to lean out of
00:28:47.680
this window you would have to have a friend hold your legs while you lean out of a window yeah at
00:28:54.320
some point in that someone would go man this is not a good idea we should do it another way
00:28:58.240
there's like this there's no way this works it was impossible to do hard it was unbelievable it
00:29:04.240
was tough but he's for all that he's like a remarkably well-adjusted guy i agree i feel like
00:29:09.760
he is i really feel like he's the best choice agreed by the way agreed yeah as a human being that's
00:29:18.320
gonna whether he's right or wrong about so i would rather that someone cares and gives a
00:29:22.880
fuck about whatever's going on the guy cares that they're injecting try could be injecting trash
00:29:29.760
into people a hundred percent yeah and and the whole thing is like what i like about him is that
00:29:36.880
he like he's on he's on he doesn't care right he has nothing to lose they've taken everything from
00:29:45.360
him taking everything from him he's out there just going this is my truth right there would be a lot more
00:29:50.720
money in it if he just like went along with the rest of the thing yeah if he just say it replied
00:29:56.400
to an email from chuck schumer right he could be like like he'd have a lot easier time if he just
00:30:01.920
went along with everybody else but that's what i think is so yeah i agree it's just that he's not
00:30:07.120
beholding to anybody no he's not beholding to anybody that's you kind of what he wants do you
00:30:11.760
think there's any path because i don't know if they'll let him on a lot of the ballots are they
00:30:15.440
letting him he's hard it's hard i think that there's rules that keep him off certain
00:30:20.400
ballots they want him to pay for his own thing like crazy though it's crazy but they're trying
00:30:25.200
to like um yeah i mean like they're just trying to close ranks around uh biden they don't want
00:30:34.480
yeah they're really protecting biden a lot of these lawyers are because by the way you know biden it's
00:30:38.400
gotten to a point where it's almost a little fun now for the people around him because it is like
00:30:41.840
a weekend at bernie's yeah it is kind of fun because he's like essentially just almost at the death's
00:30:48.720
door and they're all now like we're all in this together oh he's like death dash it's death dash
00:30:53.920
yeah they're in it together now so it's kind of like we can't get out it's kind of fun like late
00:30:58.800
nights just propping them up like playing with them like a puppet and going like we're just going to
00:31:03.360
put them out on the debate stage like giving them good drugs injecting them like the injections
00:31:08.240
that biden gets before the first debate it will be nothing you've ever heard like teams of people
00:31:14.880
you ever see the scene in et where they put a tent around and they won't let anyone near it
00:31:20.000
before biden walks on that debate stage there's going to be an et like tent and just people in
00:31:25.600
hazmat suits are going to go in and just start injecting them with things and then he's just
00:31:29.840
going to walk out like a regular person and then you're going to go oh there's shit we have no idea
00:31:34.000
about he's gonna have a dip in in his cheek of children's hair yeah he's gonna just start boxing
00:31:39.040
like he's gonna come out they're gonna be like they'll start like throwing hands they'll be like
00:31:46.000
there are drugs we've never heard like oh there's technology we've never heard of there are drugs
00:31:51.120
we've never heard oh they're gonna be pumping they're gonna be playing ti they're gonna be doing
00:31:55.680
anything they're gonna be good like they'll have they'll be say have a ouija board channeling corn pop
00:32:01.120
from the fucking swimming pool they're gonna be do you can you imagine like doing debate prep with him
00:32:05.600
how nervous they're gonna be they're gonna be sitting there and they're gonna be like okay and
00:32:09.920
then they're gonna call like the people in like the deep state and stuff they're gonna go we gotta
00:32:14.080
we gotta really up up the dose here we're not i mean like he's not responding to the regular stimuli
00:32:21.440
and he needs to really get in here with something like really intense because he just left the room
00:32:27.520
we just asked him a question he just walked out of the room he doesn't know where he is so like
00:32:31.600
we gotta like play around with a cocktail of things to just get him to a point where he stands
00:32:36.720
at the podium put him on the aids meds they're gonna have him on everything you can be on dude he is
00:32:42.320
the crazy thing is they're gonna have it so he's gonna be on aids meds they'll have him on everything
00:32:48.160
ketamine imagine the scripts they'll be practicing with him the week before oh my god probably it'll just
00:32:53.280
be monologues from famous movies oh my god it's gonna be things tony soprano said they're like if
00:33:00.560
if if you forget just give this speech that tony soprano gave to anthony about world war ii
00:33:08.800
if that's the closest you can get to this question read this scene from the sopranos where tony talked
00:33:16.320
about the importance of italian americans during world war ii it's gonna be dude he's gonna be reading
00:33:22.720
monologues from the movie hoosiers whenever gene hackman try to get jimmy shitwood to run the picket
00:33:31.360
fence it's gonna be yeah unbelievable unbelievable by the way that first debate i will be watching
00:33:38.960
just like there's nothing more entertaining than that it's the super bowl for someone like me to just
00:33:44.400
watch that go down it's old versus orange baby it's old versus orange and it's just they're both
00:33:49.200
wild like trump's gonna be just popping off because now trump's also four years older he
00:33:53.760
doesn't even care anymore and who's more likely to even say the n-word now it's different reasons
00:33:58.800
because one could just bubble out of biden or trump could just fire one off that he earned
00:34:04.400
back in the presidential candidates said the n-word in a debate well if they did at the same time i think
00:34:09.120
it's what we all want to hear yeah but if they don't good point if they just both said it at the
00:34:14.320
exact same time then it would just be a reset then the country like at that point if they if
00:34:19.760
trump and biden say the n-word at the same time in that debate the israelis and the palestinians
00:34:23.920
just going to look at each other and start embracing yeah they'll hug because that's what we need really
00:34:28.160
oh it's exactly what we need the fact that um but if if if bobby kennedy jr was out there and got to
00:34:35.120
debate either one of them i think he would crush them bobby kennedy jr i think would absolutely
00:34:40.800
wreak havoc in a debate he should be out there why can't he debate he's an independent candidate
00:34:48.080
right they just these big parties try to keep everybody out because people try to get in there
00:34:55.040
like if you know what i mean like people try to get in there like people just like i think ben
00:35:01.600
glebe was trying to like run for president so they just try to keep people out because it could get
00:35:07.120
real wild yeah you know like the third party candidates could kind of get wild oh definitely
00:35:11.920
you know like you'd have a bunch of you'd have like one of the real housewives you have an only
00:35:17.280
fans model on there some only fans model would get out there we dc yeah for the real housewives
00:35:22.160
she'd get out there you know it's so like you you'd you just and white probably would be out there
00:35:27.040
hopefully you're right get this bitch out there jeepers huh wow it looks like the fuck it literally
00:35:34.320
reminds me of uh like the muppets went to fucking makeup yeah but that's the problem like so that
00:35:41.520
like here's the thing like as much as i don't think it's fair yeah that they're keeping bobby kennedy
00:35:45.760
out they do need to keep certain people out right because it would just be a waste of time
00:35:50.960
yeah glebe ran in 2020 how did he do i don't know yeah how did he do do we do it was there
00:35:58.240
i don't know it's such a brave thing to do is it that's a good question what does brave mean
00:36:05.120
i don't know i think it's brave if you get to a certain level right but if most people don't
00:36:09.200
know you did it right it's not that brave right it's not yeah yeah it wasn't successful it becomes
00:36:14.400
brave like bobby kennedy's brave yeah i mean every single person that he knows the government
00:36:20.720
says died from a headache yeah people are shocked like hey why is this guy yeah curious about these
00:36:29.440
government mandated medications they're like this guy should just trust his government what's wrong
00:36:34.000
with him he won't trust his government by the way your aunt died she was struck by lightning eight
00:36:39.280
times uh in her car anyway moving on so you know i don't know man i just i'd like to maybe run for
00:36:46.880
the governor of california try to clean it up wow just where would you start we just had a a homeless
00:36:52.720
guy just threw a bird scooter through one of our producers um girlfriend's windows i'm against that
00:36:59.600
are you so that's my first that's my first thing uh no it's against it it's getting crazy dude there's
00:37:06.160
a bunch of and i told this story before you know some of the um homeless or outdoorsmen or whatever like
00:37:12.000
new native americans what some people are calling them yeah that's interesting how do the old native
00:37:16.800
americans feel about that well i don't think they should feel good about it and i would love to see
00:37:21.120
them right rise up and attack the home yeah i think that's probably and just for youtube we want to be
00:37:26.080
very careful we're not calling for that right i would like to see them rise up and challenge challenge
00:37:31.440
in a in a in a american ninja warrior way it would kind of be like uh but my thing is i think with
00:37:37.360
california you just got to get the wine people up north and like napa valley you got to get them
00:37:42.880
involved because i think that's like where the power lies in the wine community because it's a lot
00:37:47.920
of like rich white drunks and that's like where all that that big the power is up there and i would
00:37:53.280
just try to get them to just kind of like focus right merlove yeah you got to take the one because
00:37:59.280
they're all just that's a problem with this state is that they're all like by 3 p.m they're hammered
00:38:05.600
one merlove that could be your campaign right by 3 p.m all these people are just drunk and you
00:38:11.600
keep trying to explain to them you're like there's people throwing bird scooters and they're like
00:38:16.080
get out of here they're just hammered and they're just drinking wine they're eating cheese and they're
00:38:20.560
living in a beautiful area and and they're like and you're telling all these stories you go a woman
00:38:25.120
gave birth in a uh in a in a el pollo loco and they're going get out of here and they're just
00:38:29.920
getting happy so i think we got to just focus them yeah like i think they definitely are it's
00:38:35.440
definitely the rich looking down being like oh what are they up to today they'll ask someone
00:38:40.080
that's right they'll ask a doordasher hey what are people doing down there yeah they'll go what's
00:38:45.120
going on and then like halfway through the answer they check out because they close the door
00:38:49.280
they go wait a minute what yeah they go yeah there's you know von supermarket there was a guy
00:38:56.320
fucking the meat and they go get out of here man i can't handle this i'm just trying to get drunk at
00:39:01.600
4 pm come on brother can you see how rich i am i'm just trying to get drunk enough to look my
00:39:06.240
son in the eye i'll have a conversation see i'm trying to get drunk enough to breastfeed my own
00:39:12.720
child it's a problem with how rich people are here in california it's too rich well here's one of the
00:39:17.440
problems that's really true is people are so rich yeah that they're the they start to look at their
00:39:22.480
time by the value of an hour that's a great point and they're like if i spend six minutes talking to
00:39:27.360
this doordash right human right alleged human that god has said is human that's right will then
00:39:34.240
that's that that's seven hundred dollars i'm losing that's how they start to look at that level of rich
00:39:39.520
you can kind of just like you shrug off an amazing amount of stuff yeah like they go how bad is it
00:39:45.040
really you know and then somebody go they go there's like 300 000 people on the street and they go
00:39:50.880
um is 300 000 a lot is that even is that a lot they go because the world has like billions of
00:40:00.080
people so we're talking about only 300 000 people without homes on the street in india that would
00:40:05.840
just be a natural afternoon yeah they're like that's fine yeah i don't think that's a problem
00:40:10.240
and now things are getting so bad if you try to tell a rich person how bad it's getting like somebody's
00:40:13.920
really rich they act like you're making something up yeah like there was a guy last night and i was
00:40:19.440
driving on santa monica in west hollywood at west hollywood and he was just running darting
00:40:24.880
because they dart across like the street what's risky for them and they just dart across the street
00:40:30.080
and he had a skateboard with no wheels he just had the board oh yeah and i didn't understand what
00:40:34.880
that was and he just and he he had it and then he just in the middle of my car just stopped and
00:40:40.880
looked at me like hit me wow and i was just like i don't want to i'm not trying to hit you know
00:40:45.680
people looking for accidents it's people that were just like kind of like i don't know what
00:40:49.760
it was he was like a deer in headlights god and i just swerved around him but it's like people just
00:40:54.080
mentally aren't together and they need help someone needs to help them they their people
00:40:59.200
are missing their wheels they're they don't have their wheels and someone needs to like step in there
00:41:04.400
and help and like go like hey man what's going on but the only people that they're encountering for
00:41:10.880
any sort of guidance are doordash it's doordash but the doordash but here's the thing doordash
00:41:15.920
people and by the way earlier on i said you weren't human beings bygones forget that yeah that was
00:41:20.320
crazy because i i here's what i meant by that we need you now more than ever amen because what you
00:41:25.520
need to do is rise up you were the therapists you were the homeless people if there's somebody that
00:41:31.920
is homeless and is having a problem on the corner you need to put the ramen down
00:41:37.440
put the ramen down and go address the problem what's going on sir i am a doordash professional
00:41:47.600
yes i'm a licensed licensed professional food delivery service professional
00:41:56.320
can i assist that this person is going to be yelling and pointing at something that isn't
00:42:00.880
there invisible yeah it's gonna be he's gonna be pointing at something that in this dimension you cannot
00:42:06.000
see so you're just gonna have to let bear with them bear with them it's not gonna happen first
00:42:12.720
question you go are you on any medications right now have you taken any drugs yeah you gotta ask that
00:42:18.560
in a non-threatening way 100 yeah and then you're gonna need to you will be equipped with markers and
00:42:24.720
paper you're gonna need to get these people to draw a picture of what's happening of what's happening
00:42:30.240
yeah a separate picture to calm them down yeah of their ancestors no for sure and here's the thing
00:42:36.880
we need to give the homeless people service animals but service animals that are a little
00:42:42.000
huskier they can take yeah because it could get they need a lot of love and yeah some of the homeless
00:42:47.440
people so we need to go out there with like maybe pot-bellied like pigs wild hogs i mean yeah
00:42:52.720
something that can can really something that has a little girth to it animals that got disqualified from
00:42:56.640
the iditarod not cute puppies nothing we need chows we need asian animals that can handle this kind of
00:43:02.960
tough that could slap them around that'll be quiet in court if they start to can fight it back you
00:43:08.160
need so that the homeless person learns to respect you you need an animal that will be quiet in court
00:43:13.280
yeah you need an animal that lays down the law immediately with the homeless person goes i will
00:43:18.480
be your emotional support thing but if you touch me like that again i'll cut you i'll kill you yeah i will
00:43:23.120
choke you out and kill you so sometimes those little kangaroo bears might be good in australia
00:43:27.840
the ones yeah the boxing ones yeah the ones that are in the trees and the things like that where
00:43:32.720
they just you don't think of them as emotional support animals but they have but they know they
00:43:36.880
can do it they can do it but they're also tough enough when the homeless person throws a fit
00:43:42.400
they're able to literally pull them down and lay on top of them we need animals gorillas
00:43:47.920
we need to give homeless people in la silverback gorilla emotional support so that if they start
00:43:57.520
going nuts outside of a starbucks and it just we should normalize us normalize seeing a gorilla
00:44:03.280
sitting on a homeless guy outside of a starbucks and you just nod at that gorilla like thank you i
00:44:07.520
know exactly what you're doing sbgs they're called okay they don't like to be referred to as their full
00:44:12.160
name right but silverback gorillas they need to be out there because here's the problem for a long
00:44:18.880
time starbucks and some of these other big overlords as i like to call them now the corporate overlords
00:44:24.640
overlords uh they hired like down syndrome workers but that's not nice which is great but it's not
00:44:32.480
they don't have the level of um jujitsu no they can't that a son that you that sbg a down syndrome
00:44:40.160
worker is in a it's got to be a nice environment like a upper middle class nice like a vineyard
00:44:45.600
vines like a vineyard vines environment and because then it's all nice yeah if somebody takes a little
00:44:52.320
time like i let there's a down syndrome coffee shop in georgetown in washington dc and like the cia
00:44:58.080
people go in there and they're real nice to them you know they're like good hey thank you and then they
00:45:02.640
go you know wherever they're doing do horrible things maybe but the down syndrome people they're really
00:45:07.280
sweet right they're real sweet um but no we we do need some because it can't be these social workers
00:45:14.320
aren't equipped they're not equipped anymore they don't want to do it and they've also given up a
00:45:18.800
lot of them are just creating uh profiles social profiles a lot of social workers are also doing
00:45:24.160
only fans so they get clients confused you'll have a therapist yeah log on to a zoom and just start
00:45:29.760
showing their butthole yeah and it's like what because the last thing a homeless person wants to
00:45:35.280
find out he's like can you imagine that you're homeless you got the big cape yeah and there's
00:45:39.920
this guy in tribeca where i spent some time sometimes has a big cape oh i'm sure the government bought it
00:45:43.760
for him yeah he has like that big furry cape oh yeah and he's like kind of bedazzle i'm kind of like
00:45:48.000
they do those fabergé eggs he's kind of like a game of thrones guy and he's in the winter he's kind of
00:45:53.120
it's not a bad look it's kind of like statue but then like you know he's always kind of
00:45:57.120
rapping to himself he's always got his headphones he's kind of doing that back and forth yeah
00:46:01.040
exactly and then his social worker comes over is like hey what's going on and then if he's like
00:46:05.120
bitch aren't you and he points to her photo on only fans immediately she has no credibility yeah
00:46:11.200
aren't you chatty pussy 30 right you have no credibility i'm watching you right now yeah i'm
00:46:17.200
watching you right now finger yourself so you and then you come to me and you ask me what's wrong
00:46:21.760
i could ask you the same question what is wrong so that's where it's going to be it's going to be
00:46:26.480
homeless only fans social workers chatting with door dash door dash professionals door dash clinical
00:46:35.840
door dash psychiatric professionals and then we need highly trained sbgs yep silverback gorilla so
00:46:41.920
that they know when it is and isn't appropriate to step in and calm a homeless person down by sitting
00:46:49.520
on them outside of the five guys yeah that's it dude and that is our that's not a bad idea that's
00:46:56.560
our campaign brother not a horrible idea um they had what was what is that the coffee shop with the
00:47:02.480
down syndrome people it's called biddy and bows i believe i don't want to go there it's really nice
00:47:08.960
and i like to go back and forth with them in a way in a nice way
00:47:13.840
there we go biddy and bows yeah human rights movement disguised as a coffee shop yeah it's nice
00:47:19.200
man i go in there and i go what's good today yeah do you like this you know and and here's the thing
00:47:25.680
man all down syndrome people want to do is work for 11 or 12 hours a day i know they want to engage
00:47:32.240
they want to work well they're also and they want that human connection well what's funny is they're
00:47:37.280
and then there's people in there that don't have down syndrome and they're very lazy oh yeah there's a
00:47:41.120
lot of people in there there's a lot of dsis it's like down syndrome imposters yeah where there's
00:47:47.440
people that will go in there literally put freckles on right this makes me nervous because everybody
00:47:52.960
has down like not everybody okay there's a few others it's almost like uh somebody needs to
00:47:58.800
there's got to be one person it's like where's waldo kind of it is like but i think there's there are
00:48:04.400
also lazy people who consider themselves lobbyists yeah okay in dc and basically i love how if you're
00:48:14.160
out of work in dc you're a lobbyist and they will go in and they will put freckles on and they will
00:48:19.360
how lazy do you have to be to be in a coffee shop and look at a down syndrome person and go can you get
00:48:24.160
that unbelievable it's unbelievable like you're an employee and you go to somebody with down
00:48:29.920
syndrome you go by the way i'm stepping out i'm taking a break what i'm taking a break you got this
00:48:35.920
right all right like it's got to be you got to really check what your life's at if you're going
00:48:41.360
to somebody with down syndrome and going i got to take off tomorrow yeah i can't be here can you handle
00:48:47.440
it's just where the fact that people are like are we at the end of times we are we are we have
00:48:55.440
down syndrome people are happy yeah they're working yeah we we can't even do that no without
00:49:02.720
crying online taking ketamine dying our hair taking one of our eyes out of our head some guy
00:49:08.160
took his eye out of his head the other day for no reason and that's crazy well it's just it's like
00:49:13.360
it's a lot it's a lot when you're taking your eye out yeah and people are like what
00:49:17.360
stuff because by the way no one cares it's one of those things you do and no one cares yeah you
00:49:22.560
think it's gonna have a big you think it's gonna be a big moment yeah and it's nothing i have two
00:49:28.160
friends and their wives have each of them has one eye oh wow because one of them had a thing and
00:49:32.800
another one had a thing they just oh yeah they just each don't have an eye a lot of perverts
00:49:36.960
everybody's perverted yeah no one no one no one even it's not even a big deal well nobody cares
00:49:43.520
anymore it's like unless you're willing to really take your fucking limbs off that's right and put
00:49:48.800
them in your own ass yeah you got to do something with those that i'm fucking what just happened in
00:49:53.520
the news wasn't there something we were looking at earlier nick oh uh man arrested for faking
00:50:00.960
heart attack in over 20 restaurants i respect this i respect this nowadays because at least this guy is
00:50:06.800
even it used to be this you did a slip and fall in a walmart or whatever you got 25 000 and
00:50:12.720
then you raised a son or whatever but now at least this guy a 50 year old from lithuania was
00:50:19.280
recently arrested in spain at least he's willing to travel and see the world after allegedly faking
00:50:25.760
heart attacks at several restaurants in order to avoid paying the bill what's great about this to me
00:50:30.960
is that this guy you know like is basically going out there and he knows one of them is going to be
00:50:39.280
real yeah like he knows oh he's playing because it's live by the sword die by the sword you know
00:50:44.960
what i mean like it's classic boy who cried wolf like he goes one of these days it's going to be
00:50:52.960
real but he's like not today yeah like he walks it off there's only time so many times you can try to
00:50:58.640
teach your aortas to talk and then finally they write and yell when you fake a heart attack that's got
00:51:03.600
to be a lot yeah but your heart's like hey what's good yeah maybe i should learn this right okay so
00:51:08.560
eventually it's just gonna be a real one but i love that this guy's willing to put in work this is
00:51:14.960
what you're gonna have to do now to entertain the lords the insurance lords yes yes what did the guy
00:51:21.040
do he just oh he broke his leg once on a bad pothole you're gonna have to fake yeah a lot of stuff
00:51:27.280
yeah this guy at least he yeah he faked 20 heart attacks let's give him a couple thousand dollars
00:51:33.040
you know and it's we only care about a heart attack that's how heartless we are you have to be
00:51:38.400
incapacitated yeah you can't just go in and go like i don't have a lot of money yeah i have hives or
00:51:43.440
whatever nobody gives no one cares i have shingles yeah i was molested yeah get no one cares
00:51:48.720
can you imagine going into a place i was molested and the waitress going i i was also molested uh so
00:51:55.040
what do you want the breadsticks because they're eight dollars they charge for bread yeah go to a
00:52:00.720
restaurant yeah they charge for bread and butter they charge for bread and butter you used to be
00:52:05.120
able as a homeless person go in fake it out get a little bread and butter in you maybe get a soup in
00:52:10.400
yeah lie like oh this came from home yeah yeah this is at the house do you know looking at the remote
00:52:15.200
or something and lie times have changed um it is it's interesting man what's going on in your world i
00:52:22.240
guess dude well i mean you know i'm i'm i'm just trying to you know trying to live out the the
00:52:30.320
dream of you know being grateful for being lucky enough to make people happy yeah hopefully yeah it
00:52:37.840
almost feels there's a lot there's a lot to that where you got to kind of always remind yourself that
00:52:42.080
you're doing a fun thing and a cool thing and you don't want to get caught up in any of the
00:52:46.400
bullshit and the nonsense of it yeah you know yeah it's kind of hard to well it's not hard but it's
00:52:50.960
like it can i can see how it can happen you almost though see like so many like celebrities and like
00:52:57.680
hollywood is such a example of all of that so i think as comedians these days it seems like you
00:53:03.680
have such a good example of like the avenues not to go down yeah just try to keep your head about you
00:53:09.440
and do and get excited about what you're doing a lot of it becomes about like how big can it be or
00:53:15.200
how is there your reps will call you go there's money here yeah there's money you know and then
00:53:20.640
you just got to be like but am i happy with like the things i'm actually doing yeah am i putting stuff
00:53:25.280
out that's funny so that's like the the hard part again who do you want if there is somebody who really
00:53:30.880
wanted to do like a television or film you'd have to really want to do it because we're lucky enough to
00:53:35.440
be able to go and perform you have to really love it there's something i really want to do
00:53:39.840
it's like one thing i've always wanted to do and i don't know how i'll do it or who i'll do it with
00:53:45.280
but it's just that one thing like i don't have 10 thing yeah and if i never get to do it that's okay
00:53:49.840
too because i've been able to do a lot of other things but there's just one idea could be a show
00:53:53.680
could be a movie it's just one thing i've always wanted to do and i just want to do that and then
00:53:57.360
i'd be done you'd be good with that i'd be good with that so that might happen or it may not happen
00:54:02.080
and i'd also be good with it not happening because i think at a certain point you've got to give
00:54:05.120
it to god and go if it doesn't happen it doesn't happen yeah yeah i think like david spade and i
00:54:10.080
wrote that film that maybe you would be in i love it that was super cool so that would be cool getting
00:54:15.280
to do something with drewski i think would be neat amazing he's so funny um but yeah outside of that
00:54:20.480
i don't know if i have much ambition yeah it would have to be something you really loved and you wanted
00:54:24.560
to do it i really love it because we have the ability to go out and make people happy that are right
00:54:29.600
right in front of us so fortunate and a lot of people don't like a lot of actors you meet actors
00:54:35.280
and they're just waiting for people to call them it used to be like actors would you know they'd be
00:54:42.800
like happy now you talk to them they're like they're like not happy yeah they're like just kind of waiting
00:54:48.800
around well everyone in hollywood is having a bit i mean they're literally having a strike for their
00:54:53.440
fucking for some earnings right that's like the people that are they're trying to take their jobs
00:54:58.000
away with ai the writing and even the um the extra work imagine that you can't even be a
00:55:04.960
fucking extra no they're just trying they want the celebrities we have now to be the last ones yes
00:55:09.760
they want timothy chalamet who i like and he says nice things about my comedy apparently uh he's a good
00:55:16.320
man but this twink can't be the last one is that little mabu it looks slightly like little mabu but
00:55:22.800
you know who mabu is yeah dude me too he's fucking yeah bro he's fucking i do some drill he's yeah
00:55:29.120
but i started reading about drill i tried to explain louis ck what drill rap was oh it'd be
00:55:33.360
hilarious to watch but to show me he can't be the last dude like he can't be he can't play rosa parks
00:55:42.480
you know what i mean yeah he can't be the last actor we have we need other people so i think what
00:55:48.320
hollywood's doing right now they're going like look tom hanks give me a margot robbie give me this
00:55:52.640
give me a chalamet let's get them they're they're it this is it we're gonna take their likeness we're
00:55:57.840
gonna put them in everything we're gonna shut it down we're gonna shut it down i agree that's how
00:56:01.680
crazy they're getting they're like give me a chalamet give me a margot robbie give me a michael p
00:56:07.040
jordan give me this give me that give me whoever we got now yeah we don't want anyone new and we're
00:56:11.680
gonna take their likeness and use it again so chalamet will be every like you'll be watching a movie
00:56:17.600
and he'll just maybe be two or three of the characters yeah he'll be in the sub he'll be in
00:56:21.280
a subway commercial he'll be in crazy they'll just rosé parks he'll do rosé parks you've heard about
00:56:26.000
that it's like a drunk woman who but she wouldn't leave the bus because she was drunk right and
00:56:31.200
timothy shaman is playing her yeah he'll be playing her yeah i just think that is we've got to stop
00:56:35.520
like i like him a lot and i think he's a talented actor unbelievable but we can have him in everything
00:56:41.040
right it'll just be yeah i mean jacob b lordy was in saltburn and then he was also elvis presley
00:56:46.320
it's it's just no that's a different one huh uh that's um a different one that's not the same
00:56:51.120
guy no that's austin butler oh no but in priscilla i'm sorry have you seen priscilla no but he was in
00:56:58.320
that lordy dude priscilla's good movie yeah i'm not all the way finished so it might not be good but
00:57:03.200
so far it seems good the first two-thirds of it's good well you i like euphoria's great show
00:57:08.960
i haven't seen that yet it's a great he was in that he's in that oh i didn't know that i gotta
00:57:13.120
go down the lordy rabbit hole but it definitely i get it he's he's one of them that's going to be in
00:57:18.320
the he made it in he made it in but it's getting fewer it's getting far between her tate mccray i'm
00:57:23.760
sure they will get yeah but it's getting very few and far between i agree that the door is shutting
00:57:28.640
the door is shutting and they're like we don't need a lot of people we don't need any more we'll just
00:57:34.080
take these guys michael b jordan yeah just a few of these guys and then we'll but then they're
00:57:39.360
going to just start putting people in stuff that don't act you know they'll be like travis kelsey's
00:57:44.800
famous right he yeah he can definitely play they throw him in you know dracula or whatever
00:57:50.560
they'll throw anybody in you know what i mean they might be just like let's put them in so i don't
00:57:56.160
know i i don't know what's coming for that this town i don't know because a lot some of the good
00:58:01.440
actors have also daniel day lewis just went off and he said i'm not doing this right i think he
00:58:05.680
lives in ireland in like a castle or something yeah yeah i mean even some of the great yeah they're
00:58:11.120
just done mel gibson's done remember that singer enya yeah she had those songs they were like
00:58:17.680
like that'd be her song she'd be like yeah she's done now she just went she went to a castle in
00:58:24.480
ireland look up her house look up enya house ireland you want to show you how to do it right wow that's how to
00:58:31.120
do it right that's kat von denya right there you know what i mean she just lives in a case she's
00:58:35.200
fuck it she goes i don't care about malibu yeah i'm gonna go live in a castle i don't want to have
00:58:40.640
to hose down yeah homeless people looking for a warm piece of bread outside of my meeting every
00:58:46.880
morning with my door dash guards yeah dude i don't want to have to
00:58:50.400
fucking peel the bird scooters out of my stepdaughter's windshields every morning that's
00:58:56.080
crazy that somebody threw a bird scooter at someone like that well it one what is it is it a
00:59:00.240
mating call in certain communities it is i think it actually is because to be honest with you if
00:59:06.960
i'm a homeless female and i see a male and he has the strength to take a bird scooter and put it through
00:59:14.480
the windshield of a civic i go that's someone who can protect oh i'm gonna split my last pocket full
00:59:19.520
of hummus so immediately i go to him with the things i have the vittles that i've collected throughout the
00:59:25.120
day the candy corn yeah the the air fresheners from the car i got and i start sharing my gold with him
00:59:31.680
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h-e-l-p dot com slash t-h-e-o so i do i do believe but hollywood has definitely gotten you know what i think
01:03:12.560
i was thinking about this earlier they just got no everybody's just keeping their money nobody's
01:03:17.200
even brave enough to take a risk anymore nobody wants to take a risk all the movies are like
01:03:21.760
remakes of things that have already happened it's like willy wonka it's like dude priscilla
01:03:26.160
there's nobody saltburn was original story saltburn was original saltburn was great but with willy
01:03:32.000
wonka here's the deal it was a freak who liked chocolate everyone gets it yeah and he likes also
01:03:39.600
let's just say it children he was there was something wrong in that i'll say that in that in
01:03:45.680
that chocolate factory and they've told the story now multiple different times right and i'm creeped
01:03:51.120
out every time i walk out of the theater i go something's not right well you want a little
01:03:55.520
chocolate like what is this shit you want a little chocolate there's something and grandpa joe remember
01:04:02.800
the yeah this was good the first one was good it was good the first one was good and and
01:04:07.600
sydney portier should have been in it though i i think sydney portier should have also been in it
01:04:12.800
but like they're going too far well now it's just crazy remember they had the one with the indian
01:04:16.560
they were trying to be so pro indian one year and they put all the indians in it that was the one
01:04:20.240
with the uh johnny and then every indian was an oompa loompa and they did 7 000 instead of paying
01:04:26.720
extra indians they just they just put them in a math equation yeah with the ai like they 3d printed indians
01:04:33.600
that's all they did that's all they did with the same little guy can you imagine like a meeting in
01:04:37.520
hollywood they bring a one indian guy they go you're gonna play 7 000 oompa loompas and we're
01:04:42.000
sorry that we've kind of demeaned we're only gonna pay you for one but but i do like i gotta be honest
01:04:47.440
i do like this guy oh this guy's amazing i met him this guy is kind of amazing deep roy i met him in
01:04:53.040
a uh park once in santa monica he is let's be honest the top one yeah the best one he is the deep
01:04:59.600
i think is the best one and he should have been elvis how do you fucking he agree with you how do
01:05:04.400
you not make zoom in on this guy is that his wife how is deep roy right there is fine yeah how is
01:05:12.160
that's elvis presley how is that's elvis presley how is this not elvis that is elvis presley
01:05:20.080
it just that's why hollywood you're like you're fucking up what was he when he was in that little
01:05:24.080
hat with yoda what is that that's that oh look at that now that's kind of beautiful this is probably
01:05:31.360
one of the uh democrat who's put who's putting this on and probably some right democratic lord
01:05:37.120
can you see can we just scroll down a little the bohemian grove can we scroll down oh i'm sorry
01:05:41.600
can you scroll up a little i just want to see who's putting that helmet on him that's nancy pelosi yeah
01:05:47.600
she's putting a yoda mask on him this is if you want to work in hollywood this is yeah this is how it
01:05:52.800
happens this is the kind of sick shit they're into but it's also it's like that the fact people
01:05:58.320
have to go on strike to get fucking paid it's crazy when they're already out here all the time
01:06:03.840
you spend volunteering as actors to even get work and then you have to go on strike and be in a union
01:06:09.840
um what was the thing that it said with deer deck a bunch of people went to um what was that uh
01:06:15.920
i don't know did you see that no what happened about ridiculous is they changed the amount of episodes
01:06:21.200
um they're always trying to really screw over the people in like they can't fight back yes
01:06:33.280
like if you're like an extra and you were like in batman and you were the hot dog guy you can't
01:06:39.680
yeah you can't afford the attorneys that are going to battle them you can't fight back so they're
01:06:42.880
basically like we've just we've just a i'd you you're the hot dog guy and everything now and then
01:06:47.760
it's like hell because he's a famous hot dog guy people come back from the movie theater and they
01:06:52.320
go that's my dad yeah but then they have no money you have no way to contact no money and he's he's
01:06:59.120
living in the desert and it's terrible and like people just see him all the time they go and he's
01:07:03.920
got like you know he's got maybe diabetes or something he's just sitting there and they're
01:07:07.840
going you're the guy that always serves the hot dog to every superhero he has no money no way to
01:07:12.960
even get nothing he's put he'll literally put just sit there all day and put mustard on his
01:07:16.640
finger yeah just licking mustard in the middle of the desert in the salt flats of the california
01:07:22.400
nevada desert living there and they go this guy is the hot dog guy and they act like he died he
01:07:27.840
doesn't even die and they have like an in memoriam to him yeah because they don't want to pay him
01:07:32.320
anymore they don't want to pay him so they just say he died and he's screaming in a greyhound bus station
01:07:38.320
she goes i'm alive you fuckers i'm alive and then he's on the greyhound bus and everybody's
01:07:43.680
watching uh watching a movie like that's him like it's him that's him and he's on the way
01:07:48.640
and that's a great film by the way and then he's on the way to hollywood and then he has to kill
01:07:52.560
the executives that's kind of an interesting oh yeah that's not horrible or he has to damage
01:07:56.880
the executives we'll say that damn he has to teach them a lesson because we got a lot of we've had a
01:08:01.440
lot of uh i have a lot of issues taken about a lot of things because you know there's a lot of things
01:08:06.240
out there that just people misconstrued a hundred percent yeah um yeah they had uh but what was the
01:08:12.480
issue with deer can you bring that article back up um yeah they storm ridiculous right right
01:08:17.680
ridiculousness writers stormed rob gerdick's office asking for a meeting but he was nowhere to be found
01:08:22.720
so they straight up tried to get him yep on january 4th the writers of ridiculousness asked host and
01:08:28.320
executive producer rob gerdick for his support for a fair contract wow wow they just want a fair contract
01:08:34.080
apparently around 10 of the show's writers stormed deer decks office but were turned away when they
01:08:38.480
called and left messages no one answered because you know what it is they looked at january 6th and
01:08:42.480
they go that got some results like that woke people up a little bit that got some heat you know
01:08:47.040
that got some heat you know rightly or wrongly it got some heat so i think a lot of these writers
01:08:50.880
were like let's just storm his office right now yeah and try to like they asked host deer deck for
01:08:58.640
support for a fair contract my name is ryan connor uh i am here i know my fellow writers
01:09:03.440
and rob's office he's a nice guy because we just wanted to ask him for his support in our efforts
01:09:07.840
to get our first he was a comic in new york city wow tried to go up uh oh gosh gosh sorry oh no that's
01:09:17.760
okay uh we called we left a message nobody answered hi uh this is the writers from ridiculousness we are
01:09:24.880
here in the uh ground floor of the building just to ask if we could that's good talk to rob so it
01:09:30.240
looks like they're trying to go there and get a hold of them and they can't is that the gist of it
01:09:33.600
nick that is that's a gist and you know that guy ryan connor yeah he was a nice guy he was a comic in
01:09:38.400
new york city and i guess he moved out here i guess became a writer wow and what did that article
01:09:43.200
say towards the end nick do you mind um oh it said uh we are currently compensated at a rate well
01:09:49.280
below our peers nope well below our peers writing for wga coverage shows like ridiculousness the next
01:09:56.080
step is they're gonna have to kidnap him well and they're gonna call and they're gonna go we have
01:10:00.320
him like we have rob dyrdek and what do you want from him and yeah and i'm not saying that i condone
01:10:06.960
that no of course not but i'm saying like the next step logically logically is to kidnap rob dyrdek
01:10:12.480
and they're gonna go hi and he can do it like just the way he did it he'd be like hey i'm this ryan
01:10:16.560
connor and uh i i just want to say we have rob dyrdek but it's just like we tried it the first
01:10:21.760
way yeah we tried it your way we went to the lobby remember that it's like terminator and you he's in
01:10:26.080
a boxy his box like like make some sounds it's me they got me and everyone goes yeah yeah get it
01:10:33.360
by a skateboard yeah yeah yeah he goes he goes we got rubbed your deck here he's unharmed i hit the box
01:10:38.880
ah hear him he's unarmed but we are just trying to get a fair contract so let's start the negotiation
01:10:44.640
yeah let's start it now let's just start it now because we have rob at an undisclosed location
01:10:50.720
but that's the next logical step here you have to kidnap uh you have to commandeer you have to
01:10:57.120
commandeer rob dyrdek yes for a few days yes for a few days to just get people awake awake because
01:11:07.840
this doesn't by the way i see that i see people in the lobby of the building i go all right yeah so what
01:11:13.120
what you know but you got to pay these people you got to pay them money what does it say about the
01:11:18.080
episodes in it they used to do 30 in 2011 when they started and now they're doing 336 wow a year and
01:11:25.600
they're not union wow well they got to put them in a box yeah i mean or they could do the old school move
01:11:33.840
you ever see march of wooden soldiers uh-uh laurel and hardy fat guy thin guy brilliant
01:11:40.640
they nail themselves in a box the old school move yeah to rob troy rob dyrdek exactly trojan horse
01:11:49.280
trojan horse rob dyrdek they're like he goes oh someone sent something like the studio sent something
01:11:53.680
nice to the house they got a big box the it opens and it's the whole writing staff yeah right there
01:12:00.880
they're there they're standing ollie it's the whole writing staff and then all of a sudden
01:12:05.680
then but then they still here's what's interesting about that they actually still have to kidnap them
01:12:09.440
you're right so it's like forget the box they still have but they still mean business they still
01:12:14.560
mean a way to get in the building it's a way to get in the building but they they have to just say
01:12:18.320
hi my name is ryan connor i'm a writer at ridiculousness and we have rob yeah we tried it your way yeah
01:12:24.320
and uh but rob is here and rob is now very enthusiastic about this new contract aren't you
01:12:30.240
rob hit the cage rob rob has had a change of heart he's actually leading the charge
01:12:43.680
for this new contract right hit the cage yes yeah give give them anything they want we're not even
01:12:51.440
asking for that rob but thank you for saying that i believe we have them on that's that quote yeah
01:12:56.320
that's cool you just heard was give them anything they want please i just want to leave here alive
01:13:03.280
he's being fed yeah we're taking care of him no one's abusing him you think if i don't even think
01:13:08.080
they pay people to i think they offered me to go on that show before and they don't even pay you to go
01:13:12.560
it's not good if they're not paying they don't even pay you to go be a guest on that show yeah like
01:13:18.800
they say oh well you get publicity out of it that's what they always say about everything
01:13:22.800
we're paying you an exposure right but yeah these people are exposed they they don't have health
01:13:27.840
care that's the people exposed they're in the elements yeah you think you think writing 336
01:13:38.880
yeah what even is this show they get like snooki and someone else to they get snooki and then they
01:13:43.360
commandeer some brother out there right and uh it's just like you know it's usually like somebody
01:13:49.520
that knocked up a kardashian or something or at least came near one and they get them to um right
01:13:56.320
to do to to literally look at videos of people who are breaking their necks right doing different
01:14:02.160
stunts gotcha and make fun of them they say that right okay well again i chanel west coast is on it
01:14:12.560
she's actually really funny yeah she's really funny i just you know i'm i'm never a person for
01:14:17.760
extremes but i do believe in this rare instance it just bargaining power being what it is
01:14:25.680
it just if you have them it makes it a lot easier yeah yeah i agree just throwing it out
01:14:32.640
if you have them and it unders like like think about the movie seven great movie seven great movie
01:14:40.560
now the reason that everybody was so uh wound up in seven is because there's there's a serial
01:14:47.760
killer who just kept like leaving little notes yeah you know communicating with the cops making
01:14:53.120
phone calls yeah gossipy kind of gossipy kind of guy but he didn't show up in the um you know like
01:14:58.160
the office building you know what i mean what he was able to do is really capture people's attention
01:15:03.040
by by actually going like hey i got the i i'm i'm i got the thing i got the guy so the reality is
01:15:11.040
what they need to do is just in a nice way uh kidnap him yeah i think commandeering is the term we like to
01:15:18.880
use that's correct commandeering someone commandeering someone yeah for the purposes of a negotiate
01:15:24.960
contract negotiation is great yeah well look it's getting to that point yeah i won't be because at one
01:15:31.200
point all it's going to take is the policeman to say wait i'm not on the side of this company no the
01:15:37.360
police i'm on the side of this person here's the brilliant thing about this the police might help
01:15:41.600
this yeah the police how is that actually the police might they they might not look too hard for him
01:15:50.480
right they might not be looking too hard for him okay because the show i believe is celebrating
01:15:55.840
accidents right yeah celebrating just public lawlessness yeah the cops aren't looking too
01:16:01.760
hard for this guy and plus here's the thing if they're not paying people for the clips that i'm
01:16:06.080
using i'm sure they're not right and they're not paying guests to go on there and i there's probably
01:16:10.720
like some guy in like on a stretcher and they just like a producer runs up to him and they go do you
01:16:15.360
mind if we use this on ridiculousness and they're like great that counts yeah well you put a little
01:16:21.440
your saliva on this contract right yeah um but i and i remember them offering and they did not
01:16:27.280
offer a payment on it but then who's making all the money then probably the network i mean the show
01:16:33.280
these days it's only ridiculous it's their own what was the deal they had and i'm all for people making
01:16:40.160
money yeah and i'm not trying to shit on rob maybe it's just a misunderstanding but no and maybe he's
01:16:45.840
doing the right thing i'm not right we're not being negative we're just saying zoom i'm zooming
01:16:51.920
out i'm zooming out that this is an overall this i don't even care who he is who they are yeah i'm
01:16:57.360
just talking about negotiations in general agreed one person usually has all the leverage yeah is my
01:17:03.520
point and if you and yeah and sometimes you have to bring a true article to the uh yeah like to the
01:17:11.920
what the writers did there we had no imagination right which maybe means they shouldn't be getting
01:17:16.880
paid maybe they shouldn't be getting paid i gotta be honest i didn't see one funny thing happen yeah
01:17:20.800
good point there was not one funny thing those writers but sometimes you got to bring a real
01:17:24.000
article to the negotiation dressed up like clowns and they were like oh you're treating us like
01:17:28.320
clowns but bloody clowns or big like remember big that passed away remember robin big what if they
01:17:33.360
all dressed up like big and like mummified big like we came back from the grave and big would be
01:17:38.240
ashamed of this yes big would be ashamed of the way we're being treated kind of like a christmas
01:17:43.200
story like a christmas carol r.i.p big too man big so if they all so our our thing is telling the
01:17:49.520
writers to do blackface well i well i'd go sure but i i'm just saying at this point at this point
01:17:56.160
you're desperate affirmative action desperate matters if you and i get it now a black writer you
01:18:01.200
get they call rob dude they go listen listen to this the writers are mad they're in the lobby of the
01:18:05.760
building here's here's where they fucked up rob they're all in blackface you're off the hook
01:18:10.960
you're actually or you don't have to pay any of them or hollywood's so scared of everything like
01:18:15.360
we better pay these black writers right now that's right that's the truth that's a good point hollywood
01:18:20.080
be like the last thing we want to do is upset the black community that's right yeah they come in if
01:18:24.720
i yeah if i were black i would just sue everybody in hollywood that's true to be honest with you
01:18:29.520
that's a good point to be honest with you start suing every human being in hollywood yeah i just
01:18:36.160
i just know that rob has the biggest d i he is all that's on mtv is i don't even know what mtv
01:18:42.560
is anymore but i have no idea is ridiculousness well good hey i like i said everybody's got to do
01:18:49.440
what they want to do in this world you know um what else were we looking at nick what else you had
01:18:55.040
you brought up oh neighbors say party house in beverly hills is run by squatters this is right
01:19:02.400
up the same avenue we're talking about right um can you uh yeah what do they say neighbors are fed up
01:19:08.160
with what they're calling a problem house on the border of beverly hills and bel-air they say while
01:19:12.720
parties are being thrown there all the time by squatters police have been to the homes numerous times but
01:19:17.600
the homeowners home ownership rather status is complicated eyewitness news reporter josh haskell has the
01:19:23.680
details condoms and drug paraphernalia litter beverly grove place outside a party house located on the
01:19:30.240
border of beverly hills in bel-air neighbors tell eyewitness news squatters have been living here for
01:19:35.280
a few months throwing wild parties that they advertise and charge admission for the squatters even claimed
01:19:41.760
they were raising money for the victims of the october 7th hamas attack they're showing up at two and
01:19:47.040
three in the morning with loud cars so it's jewish squatters that's good is it uh victims of the
01:19:54.640
yeah i mean you guys see this part of it okay it's just a little aside police will do something the
01:20:00.080
lapd has been to the home numerous times but the ownership status is complicated it was owned by
01:20:06.160
disgraced dr mounir ueda who fled the united states and is reportedly living in lebanon after he was accused of
01:20:13.280
playing a role in the murder of 21 year old model juliana redding who he had dated ueda has also been
01:20:19.520
linked to an insurance fraud scheme the company mdrca properties llc is currently listed as the owner
01:20:25.600
but they filed for bankruptcy last year the home is now for sale for four and a half million dollars
01:20:31.280
according to neighbors and their private investigator the squatters who live here had their driver's
01:20:36.320
licenses registered to this home which has slowed the eviction process they claim that
01:20:43.280
i say i support squatters i do because the reality of the situation is is that you you you want
01:20:50.560
people in one place yeah and you want people to you know if this is a house it's owned by a guy who
01:21:01.120
fled the country because he murdered his girlfriend and by the way that's what i love about la it just
01:21:06.240
attracts good people you know what i mean just attracts like good salt of the earth people like
01:21:13.120
what a beautiful story yeah about a doctor who killed a 21 year old some some only fans chick and
01:21:20.240
then fled to lebanon like that's by the way that if you're a realtor in la you assume that's everyone
01:21:25.040
you're showing a house to you're like you're going to live here for about five years then you're going
01:21:28.480
to kill a girl and go to lebanon so don't worry about the resale value it's not a big deal you're just
01:21:34.320
here to kill one person yeah um but if that's the case i mean why shouldn't squatters move into his
01:21:40.480
house and enjoy it well yeah i think look if the if rich people are just going to hide that's right
01:21:47.440
and kill people and then you have got to get in there and spend time with them yeah and a lot of rich
01:21:53.760
people yeah they say they don't want you there right but that's not true buddy no he's in lebanon
01:22:00.000
in their heart too a lot of rich people want other people to be around they want you to be there at
01:22:04.000
dinner yeah they want you to live in the laundry room or wherever you see fit yeah and at the end
01:22:09.600
of the day it's like if you're squatting in a property of a guy like he has no authority to
01:22:17.200
tell you what to do yeah he could call the house and make hey that's my house and all you have to
01:22:21.680
say is yeah why aren't you here that's it are you on vacation you killed a bitch and you fled to lebanon
01:22:29.440
so yeah i'm gonna swim in your pool yeah yeah i mean no one has any moral authority in that
01:22:34.320
situation well you got to tell them you're saging the premises as well yeah i think you come in with
01:22:38.240
a small oh yeah you go we're trying to help you out we got bleach we're wiping everything down dude
01:22:44.080
like we're helping you out this is like don't tell mom the babysitter's dead like oh my god you know
01:22:52.000
what i mean like it's like we're throwing a huge party to cleanse the house yeah of your murder you're
01:22:58.320
lucky that we're here for free first of all we're here for free yeah first of all he's screaming from
01:23:03.840
lebanon i go first of all let me just stop you there you're welcome let's start with you're welcome
01:23:10.240
okay because we had a pool guy in here twice last week okay you're welcome and yeah we're having a
01:23:16.160
few parties to raise money for the victims of the hamas attack yeah yeah in your house we're having a
01:23:21.600
fundraiser and this is where we're doing it yeah look we're raising money to make the next big
01:23:27.520
big mama's house yeah you know we're trying to solve the middle east yeah we're trying to raise
01:23:32.960
money for the ridiculousness writers yeah we are doing all sorts by the way are the ridiculousness
01:23:39.840
writers the ones in that house hopefully yeah that's probably they're getting free rent because
01:23:44.720
that's where they're plotting their whole thing yeah like we're in this house we're squatting in the
01:23:48.800
house and we're just trying to get rob dyrdek to pay us money so we can get apartments so we
01:23:54.240
don't have to live in this mansion of this murderer look if there are extremely wealthy people out of
01:23:59.040
town i and you and they are you consider them or people in your area consider them some lord or deviant
01:24:04.720
or dark artist right i don't think there's anything wrong with spending time in their home they have a
01:24:10.240
pool the pool didn't kill anyone they're not even there did the terrorists kill someone no so you're
01:24:17.200
basically going into a piece of real estate i think real estate's blameless i agree i did not blame i
01:24:23.920
don't blame brentwood for oj's activities yeah i don't look at the house and go oh you look at this
01:24:30.720
i mean they've demolished it now but like epstein's townhouse didn't do anything wrong agreed it's the
01:24:36.560
people inside yeah and so i think yeah if there's a house in a fancy area and you love it get in there i
01:24:44.240
think i think get in there and expect look for murderers in your area who fled yeah because all
01:24:50.880
it takes yeah is two or three yeah houses in a neighborhood for this happening and then it the
01:24:55.760
property values all come down and we can all for rents again and by the way if you live in a nice
01:25:00.640
area there are definitely a few murderers who have fled yeah it's it's really just a matter of you doing
01:25:07.840
the legwork online finding it yeah and because it's always going to appear like oh nobody's been
01:25:15.280
in that house for a while i wonder why it is and then you're going to find out oh yeah sometimes
01:25:20.800
people's kids kill people and they check out yeah it's easy to figure out too and a lot of times i
01:25:26.560
think look go through halloween see who doesn't have a trick-or-treating thing set up that's a great
01:25:30.720
point and that those are the first people's houses to stop in at and see what's going on and
01:25:35.040
eventually the government don't do it in my house i'm just in reno okay forming at a casino okay i
01:25:40.160
didn't kill anyone so i just want to put that out there yeah i have a nice home don't come to my
01:25:44.720
house because i am coming back in two days i'm just i'm probably in boston or something just screaming
01:25:50.240
at drunks um you think it's okay for people to get into more of the squatting and the commandeering
01:25:57.200
it goes it's a case by case because you think so i think it's it goes back to the old times where
01:26:02.320
it's like when you showed up and you took some land i feel like that's the times we're getting
01:26:06.080
back to and i think it's okay well here's where people can't afford rents well how how else do
01:26:11.920
you expect people when one when one when seven families or whatever own half the city it's a
01:26:19.120
great point um i think the problem becomes like when you are squatting in a house of like i don't know
01:26:30.320
uh somebody it might it might somebody's disabled or something well no but maybe what's going on
01:26:37.520
like it does i don't know you're envisioning what you're envisioning is like a fan like a family who's
01:26:42.640
like down on their luck is like we're gonna squat in this house oh i'm also envisioning a couple of
01:26:47.600
rager boys from freaking uh that's fine like here's the deal i think what you're gonna get
01:26:51.920
you're gonna get a lot like you might get some you might get some activity in that property that's
01:26:58.560
not great for the neighborhood oh i think that's what i want okay all right sure as long as you know
01:27:04.000
what's gonna go down yeah as long as you know what's gonna happen i want dude it's not gonna be like
01:27:08.000
christmas carols and you know they're doing fake hamas uh fake fundraisers these people are doing hamas
01:27:15.920
reenactments they've got like the pictures of the hostages they're just doing coke off them
01:27:20.640
i mean oh my god these are people these are the kind of people we need i think people doing puppet
01:27:27.200
shows people doing um i do think a little candlelit marriages something fun renaissance
01:27:35.040
fair renaissance fair stuff because so that's my thing it's like if you are going to squat
01:27:40.320
make it an event that the community can enjoy yeah to some degree i agree there should be a
01:27:46.640
punch and judy show yeah for the kids you know something fun put on a petting zoo yeah do something
01:27:52.160
small you know my godson is chinese they always take him to petting zoo get a persian guy to just
01:27:57.520
get on his knees and pet that dude get a persian guy get that actor deep roy like any of those people
01:28:02.880
like elbis yes make it fun like i just i just don't want it to be because the squatting might just
01:28:10.080
be its own way of like they might also just start gatekeeping it from the community if you're
01:28:15.520
squatting in a big mansion you got to let it be a community center i just think it's yeah that's
01:28:23.120
true i agree yeah that's all i'm saying i'm not saying don't squat i'm saying like you said do once
01:28:29.920
a month you do a play you do a play you do something you do some shakespeare shakespeare in the park yeah
01:28:34.560
you do raising in the sun you do a raising in the sun you do a version of raising it and everybody's
01:28:39.280
going to be hung over and you go wake up today's we're doing raising in the sun and people can be
01:28:44.960
on book they can they don't have to memorize their lines like there's going to be people that are near
01:28:51.840
overdose you got to get them off the floor hand them a script and they got to stand out there for
01:28:56.960
the local children and do raising the sun or mr belvedere mr belvedere they got to do something you
01:29:04.400
you know death of a sales yeah death of a salesman for sure if you can't find yeah one
01:29:12.160
fucking dream catcher weaving yeah lesbian to play willie lowen
01:29:19.920
you gotta you gotta get a bitch named sky yeah who's been on molly just the best molly
01:29:25.360
who's been to a lot of widespread panic shows to play willie lowen so that at least because then
01:29:33.440
the cops won't even do anything yeah because they're just gonna go hey man they do plays for
01:29:38.960
the community and like you people write yelp reviews and stuff they go you know we really
01:29:43.040
thought it was just a bunch of junkies partying but my kid went there the other day and we saw a
01:29:48.800
a beautiful production of death of a salesman with like a shaman who was straight up a ayahuasca
01:29:56.400
playing willie lowen and it was brilliant yeah i think bert what was the guy's name in that his
01:30:02.720
son's name i can't remember i don't know that would have been great to remember um but yeah we saw uh
01:30:09.040
oh biff and harold yes biff and harold playing biff like they're yelling at a guy he's coming down
01:30:15.040
you're playing biff today you're doing biff he's like all right he's just like he's got the script
01:30:22.000
he's like shaking he's just going through the dts because he's trying to fucking he's just trying to
01:30:28.400
do it but that's my thing just make it a community center yes make it fun because here's what's going
01:30:32.800
to happen too the rich people of they're so rich now they don't eventually they're going to stop
01:30:38.240
fighting you yeah they're not going to go to they're going to they're not even going to fly back
01:30:41.200
no it's going to look bad for them to fight you yes they're going to start talking about it in
01:30:45.600
aspen right they're going to start going we have one of our homes yeah it's an aquarium now one of
01:30:51.280
our homes is being used by people uh putting their lives together and they're doing death of a salesman
01:30:57.600
and they will love saying that yeah you have to understand at a certain point you have to understand
01:31:01.840
the value of the media for yourself that's right it's all advertising so you get people to say hey
01:31:08.320
fuck these rich people right let these people live um and that's all you need is two or three
01:31:13.600
people saying that it's a status symbol to go we have so many homes we don't even care a few of them
01:31:17.200
we just have people squatting they do petting zoos yeah few of our house we got a house in belair
01:31:21.440
it's a big petting zoo right and it's run by this lesbian on molly and she just walks a bunch of kids
01:31:26.240
through once a month to petting zoo because we like to give back to the community yeah they go we're not
01:31:30.320
using it we just got to meet a hercule poirot the other day in character right you know we just met
01:31:35.920
hest they just did a hester prinn meet and greet in the front yard yeah it was brilliant so why you
01:31:42.480
know they they go listen we're not going to get in the way of that yeah they're doing 10 little
01:31:47.040
indians by at christmas that's right we can't stop this so if you walk in if you walk in if the
01:31:53.440
cops walk into a squatter's house and there's just a bunch of junkies writhing on the floor
01:31:57.680
that's one thing but if they walk in and those junkies start going god rest ye merry
01:32:07.600
christ our savior was born on the cops start singing yeah like you know you just have to do
01:32:14.720
that and that's miracle on 34th street that's exactly that's the new christmas movie that we
01:32:21.840
pitch yeah about it bunch of junkie squatters who team up with the rich landlords who are fleeing the
01:32:27.920
country because they've killed their only fans girlfriends to make a beautiful christmas pageant
01:32:32.080
for the community oh that's it and it's so good like the whole pageant is so ridiculous it's so
01:32:38.000
crazy it's contrived and he's watching it from lebanon yeah it's got like macaulay colkin battling
01:32:44.240
the fucking ninja turtles oh it's amazing just pop culture references and it's absolutely it's
01:32:50.720
icky azalea it's icky azalea's doing this playing fucking cindy lou
01:32:59.680
it's out of control yeah but there's something beautiful about it beautiful about it what uh
01:33:04.880
what other news do we have going on nick anything else great happening
01:33:09.760
yeah john stewart is returning to the daily show only on mondays but and also as an executive producer
01:33:15.920
through the election cycle wow they must have backed up the money money truck you think so or
01:33:22.320
do you think because john also seems like a guy right he seems like a guy of character as well i think
01:33:26.480
he wants to do it you know yeah he wants to have a voice it would be funny though if they let him do
01:33:32.960
it mondays and then trump did it tuesday yeah you know what i mean just to kind of they paramount
01:33:38.720
makes the announcement to let john stewart's can do it mondays donald trump will do it fridays yeah
01:33:42.960
he will do the daily show friday and whitney's doing it on wednesday yeah then whitney whitney's
01:33:47.600
gonna do it on wednesday um her kid's very cute is the kid cute cute kid yeah i haven't seen the kid
01:33:53.440
yeah i um he's he's like um he's a beautiful uh child well she's got
01:34:03.360
yeah nice breasts well is it a boy or girl the kid it's a boy with very nice breasts oh wow
01:34:09.200
okay good yeah and that shouldn't matter i'm just saying no it doesn't matter i wouldn't be
01:34:14.400
shocked if the kid has great breasts one day yeah the boy um oh that's amazing the child has
01:34:21.200
filed emancipation papers you can see him right there begging for a sip yeah he's in
01:34:27.040
that's deep roy isn't it that's not that's not a child that's deep roy and roy's getting look at
01:34:35.200
her she's just beyond this is a new headshot this new headshot by the way deep roy has pretended to
01:34:43.440
be an infant is there gonna be a newspaper article with the company's baby was actually deep roy i
01:34:53.760
i wouldn't be surprised there's a lot of look things are getting so tough out there
01:34:58.000
little people are going undercover they just had a russian girl yeah who faked with the family
01:35:04.080
of course to be able to eat and and survive so they're just gonna have to you know and whitney
01:35:08.480
because whitney is is she's busy she's busy that's the thing with whitney a great mom and everything
01:35:14.400
but she's busy she's got a lot going on so she she might not notice if her son is deep roy
01:35:20.960
she might not notice if she's got deep roy oh you got a young baby who's just in an elvis outfit
01:35:32.400
she might like how quickly he's growing and like she might be like my baby's so impressive he's
01:35:37.600
speaking he's speaking hindu he's dressed like elvis yeah he's doing great i've done a great job
01:35:45.440
yeah he's deep roy yeah he's doing fucking uh and then like they're gonna say to her they're gonna
01:35:52.080
go at what i have a blue at what moment did you realize that your son was actually deep a squatter
01:36:02.080
a squatter there was a squatter in your home deep roy there's a squatter in your jeans she's like
01:36:07.120
there was one time i was just looking at him at dinner i was looking at him at dinner and he was telling
01:36:12.240
stories about johnny depp from the charlie the chocolate factory movie and she goes i just
01:36:20.640
looked at him the light hit him a certain way i was like are you deep deep roy unbelievable dude
01:36:28.080
unreal unreal wow we'll have a blue dude but it's getting so bad little people are squatting as
01:36:36.160
infants yeah to eat to survive that's how bad people don't understand when it goes from grapes
01:36:43.520
to grapes of wrath man people don't understand it because there are a lot of little people that
01:36:48.560
can and should kind of try to pass his children oh they bet they get in a car on the way to a
01:36:54.960
six flags try to get him like look be with the family they had a guy in indiana he uh if you get
01:36:59.920
a chance they looked at it he was like 31 and he had um primordial dwarfism i think right he went
01:37:06.720
back to third grade right yeah went to third grade was doing pretty good they said he wasn't even doing
01:37:11.760
that good in it right and i'm like god well third grade's not easy that's when they start bringing
01:37:16.080
out the big math textbooks that's a good point yeah yeah oh uh six-year-old orphan or con artist adult
01:37:22.320
revisiting the strange oh no this was net natalia grace this was a male but that was the russian child
01:37:37.920
no i would say dwarf um impersonates child indiana it's very it's a very interesting uh move
01:37:48.640
and to me it's like something other states but and other states i feel like it's totally appropriate
01:37:53.360
you know given the way things are um yeah oh but i'm just not shocked that this is but this guy went
01:38:00.960
back to school and they one day the teacher saw him driving somewhere driving to an applebee's or
01:38:05.680
something yeah and they that's how they busted like shouldn't you be doing your home right and
01:38:11.040
then he was like no i'm actually it's a weird move to just wanna go to school but i guess he was
01:38:16.880
getting fed and taken care of yeah i think there's a lot of that well it's free then you're on the
01:38:20.480
government's time that's right and you know what it's like he's like let me try again yeah that's
01:38:25.520
yeah let me relive it yeah like everybody wants to kind of relive it oh i'd love to like to me it's
01:38:29.520
like that's also heartwarming that little people can can kind of relive it and i think if you are a
01:38:34.960
little person you do feel better around children you should be able to go back to school i think if you
01:38:39.040
want to try it again run it back a lot of little people out there that go i like all of us i want
01:38:45.360
to run it back what would you do if you ran it back oh god man so would you do something different
01:38:49.200
really well were you outgoing in high school yeah i was i was outgoing i wouldn't have started
01:38:55.600
cocaine at 13. wow that's early that was early really yeah it's too much i did it for like till i was
01:39:02.960
like in my early 20s and then i cut it out but i i didn't do like every day when i started to be like
01:39:07.760
13 i was smoking weed you know i was trying stuff like you track up lines of blow and like
01:39:12.240
you know like lsd not great like it was not good lsd started then i would have held off on that
01:39:17.760
you know and then i would have tried to be if i could be any archetype of person a chef or something i
01:39:23.760
wanted to be like a real hot dumb person if i could do it again i would want to live in california and be
01:39:29.520
one of those people they're just really hot and all they do is surf all day yeah and they're just they
01:39:34.560
don't know and like they don't know they're the people that will believe they're like they you
01:39:39.280
come to them and tell them anything they believe in they're like oh wow they're like what yeah
01:39:44.240
they're the word they always say is what what they go what what what but they have the best life
01:39:51.440
in my estimation so nice they just sit on a beach eat burritos and they just go swimming and then one
01:39:56.880
day the luckiest ones of them get eaten by a shark the luckiest ones the ones that the gods love enough
01:40:03.040
the ones that the gods love enough are like you can just we'll take you now yeah you know
01:40:09.360
that would be nice that'd be in that i guess that's a romantic way to look at going back to high
01:40:13.760
school i think just being like yeah all body just like you're sitting in class and you're so good
01:40:19.520
looking people don't even care if you're learning they don't care if you're learning the teachers are
01:40:22.960
kind of afraid of you you get a c plus really really hot people people just kind of let them do whatever
01:40:28.640
they want just kind of let them do whatever they want if you're a really good looking person you
01:40:32.720
don't even have to squat you can kind of just show up to someone's house they'll let you in they'll be
01:40:36.560
like come on in bro ian sommerholder went to the high school i went to right he was the best looking
01:40:41.120
guy for i think he won an award once it was like best looking guy for like 700 miles or whatever
01:40:46.640
right and he was like as he would come to the first day of school right they would give him a's for the
01:40:54.480
and he would leave and he would leave yeah he would not he would just they gave him that's what
01:40:59.840
it is literally get his report cards for the year yeah and he would he just looked at all the ladies
01:41:05.200
just let them all know that he existed that he loved them and that was it and then he would um
01:41:11.760
he would go back home he just he moved out of town he lives on a farm now he's a he has a farm
01:41:16.320
with his wife and children him he moved out of hollywood anyway yeah um good move but god is
01:41:22.240
growing up in the shadow of such beauty for men and women women would get their hair cut to look
01:41:26.800
like him of course of course it was people didn't know what to do you had a lot of moms and like
01:41:32.800
stay-at-home moms and basically just like people that didn't want to work kind of and they would
01:41:38.000
all try and look like him or dress you had women dressing like him wearing abercrombie and
01:41:41.840
fitch and the men's stuff it was just yeah when somebody's that good looking you just people
01:41:46.960
try to be them without even knowing it yeah yeah people were devastated if they didn't know him or
01:41:53.040
if they didn't know somebody that knew him yeah he was just that handsome it's just yeah that power
01:41:57.200
the effects of somebody that could be that good looking on a community yeah of course because
01:42:01.600
you're all just everybody else is ugly everybody else is just in comparison to him less yeah and they feel it
01:42:09.200
good um what is this tech ceo dies after freak accident on stage in front of crowd at company
01:42:21.280
party the company's president remains in critical condition did they just say he died said he died oh
01:42:29.040
my god dude yo they don't get clickbait they just want you in the the ceo died the president is in
01:42:35.600
critical condition oh okay they were being lowered from a cage and the chains broke and they fell 15
01:42:40.480
feet in front of well that's one of those by the way no one feels bad for them well well i mean a lot
01:42:46.160
of people in that company were like dude come on they're lowering him from a cage yeah what are like
01:42:52.960
what is what are we doing here what do you that's it's just like you're if you want to be a lord
01:42:57.280
you we're yeah you can't pretend to be a god on earth man you gotta stop a chicago area tech ceo died
01:43:03.520
after falling onto a stage at a packed company event in india last week vistex ceo sanyeh shah
01:43:11.280
36 and company president rajudatla 52 were marking the company's silver jubilee celebration
01:43:18.800
what did it say happened uh both men were inside a suspended cage when the chain hole in the cage
01:43:22.880
broke on one side causing them both to fall onto the stage at the time of the accident music was being
01:43:30.400
played and sha and rajud were waving to their staff while being lowered wow what music would
01:43:38.400
you want being played while that happened do you think
01:43:42.480
it's a great question um maybe jai ho from slumdog millionaire you know joe yeah because it's kind
01:43:49.200
of that fun you know nobody would even believe you dead they would they'd be having so much fun
01:43:53.440
that's the thing because it's like it would be such a crazy environment joe that it would like
01:43:58.880
even though you're dying it's still it's still kind of you know joe yeah so that would be my personal
01:44:04.160
choice i love that dude tell me something boy i think i would go with that that would certainly
01:44:10.640
yeah bring it down yeah yeah well i mean god bless you know it's sad it's like oh it's
01:44:15.680
heartbreaking you know laughing at it you know we're not laughing at it it's just it's one of those
01:44:19.200
things where it's like you're already the ceo right like do you need to be the brett heart of
01:44:25.120
right do you need to you know that scene in the beginning of cats we're like all the or the end of
01:44:29.760
cats we're like the i don't know if you ever saw the show cats but like they go up on this little
01:44:33.600
like ufo there's like a bunch of cats oh do they really at the end yeah it's like a garbage can
01:44:37.600
lid there's just a bunch of cats and like you know they just rise because they're going to heaven
01:44:42.240
and the cats at the end and uh relatable yeah and for sure but that you don't need that level
01:44:49.840
of theatrics when you're the ceo you don't need you shouldn't be up there put the secretary should
01:44:55.600
be up there yeah it's like you just you're a ceo you just these people someone want to kill you
01:45:00.320
hire some squatters hire a couple people that you bring out that's when you go thank you for coming
01:45:06.160
now iggy azalea yeah ladies and gentlemen let iggy azalea fall through the cage and die in front
01:45:13.440
of your company do not die in front of your car there's no reason for and if it's tech you're
01:45:18.960
supposed to be tech you're supposed to be technologically advanced wizard of oz you can't
01:45:22.480
even put a fucking yeah cage on a hologram like what are you doing because that's not what they do
01:45:28.720
they do like that new age shit you should be a hologram yeah you shouldn't be trying to do
01:45:33.840
ringling brothers and barkley bailey circus where you like ride out on an elephant they were probably
01:45:38.640
like it's india like we're gonna get wild yeah lower cage yeah i would have been a great idea do
01:45:45.120
you do anything exorbitant like that do you do anything you ever do any fancy stuff tim like on
01:45:50.960
stage not really i just kind of walk out and or just like parties and stuff i've heard you throw some
01:45:55.200
pretty wild parties i've actually heard yeah i heard we have like a yeah i heard this i heard like a
01:46:02.720
crazy thing about parties that you throw we had a caitlin jenner one did you yeah well you invited
01:46:07.360
me to one of them i invited you to all of them you're not around caitlin jenner came which was
01:46:11.040
fun no way she came she came with her girlfriend who's a trans maga influencer and they were they
01:46:16.800
came and they were great because you're going around the party to talk about donald didn't need
01:46:20.640
we need donald trump and and it was la so there were people that were just but you can't say
01:46:25.360
shit to caitlin because caitlin's like six eight caitlin's a tough and she's a tough woman she'll
01:46:30.800
break your head wow if she wants to is she pretty cool she's cool wow she's like picture this i know
01:46:37.680
this is going to blow everybody's minds okay it's going to blow your mind right now oh my mind's easily
01:46:41.280
blown here's what i'll say about okay her it's almost like she's a dad wow you know what i mean oh
01:46:48.960
yeah like danny tanner it's almost like i can almost imagine her as like a dad it like it has
01:46:56.800
like some dad energy it's weird when you meet a mom who like has the vibes of like a dad like one of my
01:47:05.040
aunts because she drank with the uncles and never went to sleep yeah they just called her charlie oh
01:47:10.320
yeah even though that wasn't her name it was susan but her nickname was charlie they go get charlie
01:47:15.520
because she would drink every night so she fell down with the men caitlin has that vibe of like
01:47:22.240
just a dad energy oh yeah and i love i love her and i i support her and i support she was showing
01:47:29.280
people pictures of her plane and she's just trying to live her life that's the thing she's just trying
01:47:33.360
to live her life and yeah i would love to meet her she seems like a cool lady support trump from her
01:47:37.280
plane and i respect all of it that's her girlfriend that's her girlfriend wow beautiful and it's it's uh
01:47:44.560
you know it's a it's a it's a it was a it was a it was a friendsgiving i had and uh did spade come
01:47:51.200
too spade came he didn't tell me see spade's on a lot of these lists he's you know people always say
01:47:55.600
he's on that oh that's her plane right there that's her plane so she's a pilot she's a pilot
01:48:03.920
wow that's wild i would i like interesting people and this is uh this to me
01:48:09.600
like a like a trans trump supporting olympian pilot i love that is a that's a thing that's
01:48:17.440
like tiger king it's like our tiger king that's without question yeah she is our tiger king
01:48:24.800
and she's free she's already free you know what i mean she's ready for dude but imagine being
01:48:30.800
first of all so good at being a man you're like fuck it i'm i'm so i already did this so well i'm
01:48:37.680
gonna be a woman as well i'm gonna go do this and i'm gonna be great at that and get that can you
01:48:42.080
get that photo up of caitlin and trump again because that explains her energy but it explains
01:48:49.440
our time maybe more than any other photo yeah that is caitlin jenner and donald trump engaged in what
01:48:59.360
can only be called like a historic kind of like there's something clasp of power there's something
01:49:06.800
in the orange bro i mean that is that's what lord of the rings should have been
01:49:12.320
that's that's the ring of power she's giving him the ring of power there you go right there
01:49:16.960
the yeah there it is that's what i mean the epic handshake that's what it is we need more blacks
01:49:22.000
that's what we need yes just overall oh we agree i absolutely agree that's something that's got to
01:49:29.920
happen but and i think trump would do that if he's in office i i dude but that's so wild to be um
01:49:38.320
to be i yeah i guess he just did so well at being a man he's like i want to be a woman and now she's
01:49:44.880
an amazing woman and she's killing it and as a beautiful girlfriend and as a beautiful girlfriend
01:49:49.520
and is killing it and the girlfriend is a trans bestite trans uh the the girlfriend is a is a is
01:49:56.880
a trans trump okay like she supports trump heavily and she's trans for trump got it have you been to
01:50:05.760
i was on shane gillis's podcast and and matt mccusker how funny are those guys the best absolute
01:50:10.720
best and they said they made a good point we were talking about this and it's like that's how strong
01:50:14.720
maga is you're just you'll get it's like covet like matt was like it's like covet you're gonna get
01:50:19.360
it you can you can you could even the trans people will get it you can dye your hair blue
01:50:25.920
you can go out in the street and stomp around eventually one day you're just gonna get it
01:50:30.400
you'll be sitting in a mcdonald's you'll feel a scratchiness in your throat and the next day
01:50:34.480
you'll wake up and you go immigration is a problem yeah and did i just see david spade yesterday
01:50:39.360
yeah and was david spade fighting a homeless guy for a hash brown
01:50:48.960
uh you gotta go to the ufc fights do you like going or you don't i'll go i'll go i've never gone
01:50:53.760
but i'd love to go i see all you guys go i'll go i think you would just a lot yeah i mean i would
01:50:58.400
like i like the spectacle of it yeah the spectacle i dig i don't know a huge amount about the sport but
01:51:03.360
i'm i for sure you would have so much stuff to talk i'd have a great time because you're you just
01:51:08.080
have like there's just like you get to meet so many different people and yeah the none of the
01:51:11.920
representatives are there who ruin everything that's just regular people it's just cool people yeah yeah
01:51:16.720
for sure well there's one i forgot about that that's one yeah you're there a lot that spade took
01:51:20.880
me too that was fun it's just been so fun to get to be around some of the it's so fun it's like not
01:51:26.400
even it's crazy how fun you guys seem to have it's just been fun i think that's one of the
01:51:34.720
beautiful the cool side effects of also that joe rogan had on the comedy community oh was he brought
01:51:39.920
both of those worlds together i mean he brought i brought all these different worlds together
01:51:43.920
science fitness nutrition you know history uh fighting mma all that stuff comedy like he
01:51:52.640
really married all these different worlds yeah people a lot of times would be like yeah
01:51:56.240
like shane and i were just talking the other day shane gillis was now we're saying about
01:52:00.080
yeah people were like if he moved to austin was he just moving into rogan's universe or whatever
01:52:05.840
but bro i just think people talk about a lot like people say oh you're sucking rogan's dick whatever
01:52:11.440
but he's just one of the most he's one of the most he's there's nobody like him no yeah and i don't
01:52:17.920
think i think i think it's a you know like it's one of the greatest clubs in the history of comedy
01:52:25.120
bro i had some of my so like why wouldn't any you know what i mean like i go down there when i can
01:52:30.960
like it makes so much sense to be there we did a show as me shane joe uh and ron white was down
01:52:39.680
there brian simpson and we did a show for like law enforcement cops it came it was just and we're
01:52:44.880
making fun of them they loved it like it was just one of the most fun nights of comedy that you can
01:52:49.120
have yeah yeah and they protect the phones there's no phone so people can't just put stuff up and stuff
01:52:54.080
like that that's just run perfectly people can't take the phones out and start fucking around
01:53:00.320
yeah adam e gets down there he does a great job you can't deep roy can't sneak in like you can't
01:53:05.280
turn around you like it's deep right out of nowhere i have a squatter in my womb i can't believe
01:53:10.000
whitney had a squatter in her it's crazy that deep roy fooled her for a year it's a solid year
01:53:16.720
even though she saw him on his cell phone talking to other people in the backyard yeah i guess this
01:53:24.080
is my six-year-old infant my six-day-old infant it's deep roy you're like i'm having a kind of a busy
01:53:30.560
flow this month it's curry-esque even that had to be shocking when you have cummings at what point did
01:53:40.080
you realize your newborn son was deep roy she's like when he pronounced my last name as humans i
01:53:48.240
think that's probably when dude when they had tandoori in my underpants you didn't think it was
01:53:53.680
strange that your four-month-old son was walking around the house on the phone with his agent
01:54:03.280
he didn't find it strange that he first learned to walk on hot coals you didn't think it was odd
01:54:11.680
that he had a pet tiger none of this was odd to you um what else did we have anything else
01:54:19.840
yeah what did i oh what was that yeah i can't believe that they said that about oh when cat
01:54:24.160
williams what do you think about the cat williams fiasco i didn't see the interview i read it because
01:54:27.920
i was on a plane i read it i was i read the transcript because i couldn't you can't get service on a plane
01:54:33.280
just land and watch it no i just everyone was talking about i was just read the transcript
01:54:39.040
like it was a court case yeah he's the funniest guy to me like i his specials when i was growing
01:54:43.840
up watching them oh yeah you know my friends would watch him and cry laughing like he's the funniest
01:54:47.920
guy did you ever you ever met him never met him wow but like to me like his specials when i watch
01:54:53.680
his specials uh it's the best thing ever club shake shake shannon sharps like the jacked
01:54:59.520
wendy williams now i feel like for sure no doubt right where is wendy well like we don't even know
01:55:05.440
well that's another people that's another a lot of the black community has said that she's been kind
01:55:09.120
of um what's it calling your common deer taken over or whatever it's i don't know like she's a
01:55:14.720
compromised uh compromised yeah like she's a uh plant who planted her i don't know right
01:55:22.240
that's the thing well that well that's one one thing cat brought in a to the conversation was
01:55:27.840
that a lot of fall there's black there's plants in the black community interesting that black people
01:55:32.240
feel that way interesting and uh i thought that was interesting and now we said rogan had unfunny
01:55:38.400
comics remember you see yes i saw that yeah i don't think that i wouldn't take that well i think
01:55:44.960
rogan's he's had so many comics that have been around he's had so many comics that i feel like
01:55:49.440
you know i don't know i think he probably wasn't talking about us maybe or he could have been or
01:55:55.440
he could have been and if he was it's nice to who it would have been it's nice to think about
01:56:00.960
that he wasn't talking about us yeah that's nice you're right what ego no it's just nice to imagine
01:56:06.480
he was talking about someone else yeah that's the best because all of us when we heard that we're
01:56:10.080
like i'm sure he means someone else our friends our other friends immediately as soon as that happened
01:56:16.320
we all went yeah he probably means someone else he's talking about us what i don't i don't know
01:56:22.320
but it's we don't know yeah i mean all like could be anybody and also if you have so many comics
01:56:27.840
come on your show over the years and comic comedy is so what's it called when you everybody has
01:56:33.680
something subjective yeah yeah it's like there's all so many types i'll watch and i'll watch a guy one
01:56:39.680
night i'll be like i didn't love it and i'll watch him another night yeah like that was the best thing i've
01:56:43.600
ever seen it goes both ways you can hate someone and love them and then love them and hate them or
01:56:49.600
hate them because you love them or love them because you hate them there's like a weird cringe
01:56:55.360
there's these bitches on tiktok who review restaurants in new york city and they have
01:56:59.040
the most annoying voice oh it's the worst and they go and then they're like this steak
01:57:03.680
fucks go cry about it and or they'll be like this pasta was rubbery and overrated
01:57:10.400
go cry about it i hate them but i can't stop watching you understand it's like you just can't
01:57:16.960
stop watching their things because they're it's just such an annoying pitch or voice yeah and i
01:57:21.680
imagine them every time they review something like every time they're like this ramen fucks like i
01:57:27.360
my pussy's horrible right i imagine them getting thrown out of a wind like a window on the central park
01:57:33.520
west and just getting impaled on the thing so but but i still watch so yeah i don't know i you know
01:57:39.840
maybe he's talking about others did you ever um yeah it's just interesting to think about yeah did
01:57:46.640
you ever have parties what was what i heard like this crazy rumor that you would have parties yeah
01:57:51.600
where guys would have to bring a cake or like a nice dessert to the party is that a true no we never
01:57:56.960
had that i just heard that no i was kind of jealous that's just kind of a hilarious every party i've
01:58:05.040
ever had i have like have it catered oh yeah yeah yeah yeah because i would love that i would never
01:58:09.680
trust the people that we know to bring anything of value to my house why would i trust so that burt
01:58:19.280
kreischer could bring an alcohol cake it's like he just brings a colostomy bag of like yeah that's
01:58:27.440
completely insane that's a great idea if i had a different circle of friends it'd be a great idea
01:58:32.720
yeah everyone show up with like a little dessert it'd be cool but it would be fun like i i like
01:58:37.120
that that's a rumor and i want it to keep going because i i'd like the rumor to be like tim dylan
01:58:41.920
sits on like a throne and you have to go in and feed him like and deep roy is next to me and you
01:58:46.880
have to give the dessert to deep roy you can't look me in the eye deep roy has to deal with me
01:58:50.720
he runs it up to your mouth so deep roy just feeds it to me and then i go yes or no and if i say no
01:58:56.160
you have to leave yeah you have to take your your whatever your beignets and leave if i don't like
01:59:02.480
it and if and if you don't like it they take whatever dessert you brought and put it on a
01:59:08.000
really heavy tray yeah carry it yeah heavy tray on the way out and then caitlin jenner comes in and
01:59:13.760
she's like you want something baby and then she just brings in and she just puts in it's an entire
01:59:19.360
wedding cake you know i got to meet mel gibson the other night how was he man he's uh it was really
01:59:25.040
interesting it was that the bobby bobby kennedy had a birthday right that i went to so i went to
01:59:29.520
his birthday and i got to uh talk with mel gibson for a while i met him at a ufc fight that was that's
01:59:33.680
just one of the things that's crazy just meet the yeah just meet people people you'd never think to
01:59:37.040
meet and then um but yeah it was just fascinating i mean the patriots one of my favorite movies ever
01:59:42.160
it's a great movie so that was just yeah it was just fascinating uh he's an interesting guy he was
01:59:47.600
cool he had some funny stories and i like that bobby kennedy's like just open to having different
01:59:52.400
people there oh yeah it was there was all types of interesting folks over there yeah but that was
01:59:56.960
kind of fascinating john stockton was there the basketball player do you remember him i remember
02:00:01.680
i don't remember he played for the utah jazz yeah of course yeah he was like uh and these people are
02:00:06.240
all just there hanging out with bobby kennedy just in support yeah friends of him
02:00:13.280
wow john you know the nba logo was designed after him wasn't it
02:00:17.040
no yeah jerry west jerry west so i think that's what's cool about robert kennedy it's just he's
02:00:23.200
got like an open like you might turn around with him and like sirhan sirhans there the guy who like
02:00:29.440
killed his dad yeah and bobby you know robert kennedy is just like listen what do we you know what i
02:00:34.240
mean he's willing we're not gonna hold grudges yeah he's willing to support the super pad he understands
02:00:38.480
the vax is not great like that's would be great you just turn around and you're like
02:00:45.120
cheryl's like sirhan's here and you know it's strange for bobby but sirhan is the big supporter
02:00:53.200
of bobby because he's really sirhan's really concerned with blackrock buying up all the houses
02:00:59.920
so we leave the past in the past and sirhan sirhan get up here you big nut so that's what i would love
02:01:08.240
to see you big nut dude that's what i would love to see to cheryl and bobby in a full-on embrace
02:01:17.440
sirhan sirhan's in the middle of both of them and sirhan's got a kennedy for president shirt with mel
02:01:23.040
gibson and she's like he canvases for bobby he calls people hi this is sirhan sirhan
02:01:29.760
yes the one the same one and i support robert f kennedy jr because i think the medical industrial
02:01:38.720
complex should be transparent and they're like somebody on the other end of the phone south
02:01:43.120
carolina is like what the hell he's going on in this country and then somebody would literally say
02:01:49.840
they'd be like i wasn't sure about sirhan i wasn't sure about bobby kennedy but sirhan sirhan knocked on
02:01:54.560
my door the other day if he supports if he supports him he really convinced me that this is the way to
02:01:59.600
go this is the right way to go yeah dude bro you're so funny man god that's i haven't laughed
02:02:07.760
this much i don't think we have a great time it's a great podcast in my whole life dude um well that
02:02:12.160
might be an overstatement but this is fun well if we had deep roy to come in and finish it out like
02:02:16.880
with the end deep roy to come in here she would do it we could text her she'd leave her baby and we're like
02:02:24.240
we got a great band you just we got deep roy well her baby's also yeah charming a snake so the baby
02:02:32.000
is gonna be the baby's fine yeah the baby is yeah the baby's gonna be fine yeah um but yeah i just
02:02:39.200
wonder do you think there's any way that bobby kennedy could win well trump could go trump could go get
02:02:43.920
arrested i don't think it'll happen i think a lot of the charges are really trumped up they're all
02:02:48.720
bullshit they're all like he inflated the price of a toilet he bought in maraca it's the most
02:02:52.880
ridiculous but some of the charges he also does have a like he said it was marble it's actually
02:02:57.600
granite it's like guys remember you told us that he was like the russian president remember all that
02:03:03.440
couldn't prove any of that and now they're like he said it was quartzite it's just quartz that's a
02:03:09.920
man-made stone you're like guys you went left on this yeah this didn't really just didn't work out
02:03:15.680
i wish he would have started that i i would believe that he fucking yeah that he that he uh
02:03:21.760
shakes at a couple of right uh construction company a hundred percent countertops a hundred
02:03:26.880
percent a hundred percent yeah but he he he could have some complications with that
02:03:32.560
but then biden could pass away biden has passed away biden there we know what they're
02:03:37.760
going to try to do to him oh they're going to have him geppettoed up they're going to have a
02:03:41.360
fucking uh pfizer is going to get involved they're going to get involved and so you have
02:03:48.880
this interesting scenario where you have one candidate who's maybe in jail and the other
02:03:53.520
candidate is on like an experimental new cocktail of drugs no we don't know the side effects we have
02:04:00.240
no idea what's happening they could be roller skating it's crazy he could levitate chewing on your
02:04:05.200
tongue we don't know what's going to happen we don't know and they're gonna scientists by the way
02:04:09.440
make no mistake scientists at pfizer right now are sitting down with members of the biden campaign
02:04:14.160
and going we here's the bad news we don't know what happens yeah after we know it gives him energy
02:04:21.680
we know it makes him clear-headed we know it gives him uh the ability to speak what can his valves
02:04:26.400
handle yeah but we what psi yeah what psi can his aorta's handle right now we don't know what else
02:04:34.160
happens so you know we don't have an option we're just shooting them up with this putting them on
02:04:38.480
stage do they have to debate each other does that have to happen i imagine that it will and they i
02:04:45.600
mean you know when it turns out you gotta somebody smarter than me would know it's happened every single
02:04:50.800
election it'd be weird if it didn't happen be very weird wow it would be very weird and
02:04:56.240
what and but anyone could throw their hat in at the last minute oh you like bloomberg tried to do
02:05:01.840
remember that little mabu anyone could come in and just it's yours now i mean somebody could try
02:05:08.000
bloomberg got shellacked yeah gavin usa might try even though he's hating he's like on a vineyard
02:05:13.680
he's fucking he's on a vineyard somewhere just wine drunk telling people he's the president just
02:05:17.920
watching home cameras making sure there's no squatters heading michelle obama could get involved
02:05:22.560
i don't think she would win though she i think had uh some heat but it's kind of like died down
02:05:30.960
well if trump say if trump went to a jail or something happened they made it so he couldn't
02:05:34.720
run and if biden is too old to run kennedy if he could get in could actually fucking win that's
02:05:40.000
the weirdest part dude a thousand percent but you know because i would just love to see somebody get
02:05:45.440
in who fucking thinks hates all these monopolies and all of that kind of stuff like dude everything's
02:05:50.960
starting to be the same like i live in nashville and like the main they had this quaint street
02:05:55.920
there called 12 south right it was cute nice fun you go take a date there you go on a walk all the
02:06:01.200
shops were like localized for the most part and now they've just they've taken that and they're putting
02:06:06.800
in like a yeah rag and bone it's just it's horrible bro it's all the same corporation and it's all the
02:06:12.080
same if you go to city they have capital one cafes wow they're just let they have people come to the
02:06:17.440
bank they're not even pretending anymore they just want to have a latte in the bank yeah they go
02:06:20.720
get a latte and sit down we talk about what you owe let's talk about how how in trouble you are
02:06:28.160
come get a lot yeah you know what that conversation is that woman's telling her to go we're going to
02:06:32.400
shut it off yeah we'll shut it off yeah we'll shut the lights off yeah you have a young
02:06:38.480
you have a young mixed lady who's applying for a probably wants to open up a dip in dots or something
02:06:44.160
at the mall with her husband somebody probably went in there and was like i want a small business loan
02:06:47.520
yeah and then the older woman goes let me tell you something right now look at me this coffee is
02:06:53.840
the last thing you're gonna buy we're shutting it off we're shutting it down that's where they have
02:06:59.200
capital one cafe so that you could come in there and drink coffee and be told you're done yeah like
02:07:05.440
hey they're taking you out have a free coffee wow every consultation is like this guy telling her he goes
02:07:11.840
i know it's all fun and games now yeah but what's going to happen is we're going to raise the rates
02:07:16.080
on all your cards your payments are going to go up and we're going to begin to start putting liens and
02:07:21.520
judgments on you on your family on your family you won't be able to get a job yeah yeah we're going to
02:07:27.200
repossess your fucking uncle and then they give you like they take one of those like the like the
02:07:31.280
the pliers little tweezers they just give you a little scone wow just put a scone on the plate
02:07:36.400
they just there you go you're done they just look at you go you're done they're going to see this
02:07:42.640
that's all the mortgage payments that were frozen for you during covet watch what i do to my computer
02:07:48.640
watch how i make them triple and this couple has no idea what's about to happen she goes you see that
02:07:54.000
we froze your mortgage that's 18 payments that's 18 payments that you owe now we're going to add on
02:08:00.080
the back interest now watch what you owe for 300 though if we if you let us live stream while you
02:08:07.120
realize that your mortgage payments are going to be for that it's all frozen yeah if you let us last
02:08:13.280
year that we'll take 300 yeah off of the cost of your mortgage i mean this guy's like he's like so
02:08:18.240
here's where you went into the hospital for the seizure that's 52 000 you see now because you put
02:08:25.520
that on a credit card you are not in what's called medical debt you are in debt to us and we will take
02:08:32.000
it all what about this chuck schumer guy dude i keep everybody i hear about he just like has like
02:08:37.920
the whole democratic party like he's just a wall street guy but it's like health care he just has
02:08:43.280
it all fucking well chuck schumer is one of those guys who like it's sick he's like the geppetto of dirty
02:08:49.600
health care yeah because he's a you know he's like beholden to wall street and the big companies
02:08:56.160
it's just sick man they're all old dude all these boomers need to step aside our country's being run
02:09:03.440
by like 80 year old boomers well there's no way it just like everything this guy's doing it just seems
02:09:08.400
like it's all crime it's all crime yeah that's what i feel like it's all crime we're being right it's all
02:09:13.360
batman villains yes it's all batman it's like dick tracy villain remember that like the oh yeah
02:09:19.680
lips lips manless yeah and the prune yeah it's like that's who this is the prune there's eyebrows harper
02:09:25.920
right there yeah and they're like out here telling us can we watch whatever he's saying
02:09:33.360
this woman has a crazy jaw this is about uh chuck schumer he's like she's got like a matt rife
02:09:39.280
jaw yes she looks like woman is carved um she looks like uh uh schwarzenegger's ex-wife shriver
02:09:46.480
maybe yeah maria shriver she does have a little bit of that she's got a very strong nicotine pouches
02:09:50.720
pose a danger to teens as they use them as an alternative to e-cigarettes pouch packed with
02:09:57.200
problems high levels of nicotine so today i'm delivering a warning to parents
02:10:04.000
fuck this guy now he's selling you know he's selling vapes on young kids teenagers and even
02:10:09.520
lower right after this press conference he's got a garbage bag full of vapes yeah and he takes them
02:10:14.720
out back and just sells them to kids oh yeah he there's no by the way he'll get like the vape people
02:10:19.840
will call him and donate a lot of money to him and like the next week he'll be out there he'll be like
02:10:24.000
you know kids are very stressed out yeah and is it the worst thing in the world that they go out and
02:10:31.120
take a puff a couple puffs off a pineapple father they have the saddest names yeah right because
02:10:36.160
it's the worst thing in the world to relieve a little stress yeah watermelon hope you didn't get
02:10:40.400
asked your eighth grade dance yeah you want to go out there and just blow a little air you want to
02:10:45.520
suck a little cranberry yeah get a little peach peach smoke oh this guy is uh well this are this right
02:10:53.760
here this is about the um are they saying they're outlawing zins we're at a new york nit yeah they want uh
02:10:59.520
the fda to look into it um saying they're trying to sell the children dude fuck this guy this guy
02:11:05.520
there's no nothing about this guy to me seems trustworthy no he's not he doesn't care he doesn't
02:11:12.240
you're right he's selling something on the back end he has some back end deal he's like there
02:11:16.480
people are coming to him going like this is in stuff's fucking up our stuff he's like okay he
02:11:21.280
doesn't care chuck schumer doesn't care if kids were addicted to drugs no he does not care at all
02:11:26.960
nope it's just i mean but he's the one i think that has a lot to do with the monopolizing of the uh
02:11:32.720
well he's you know that's the thing man he's just basically like hey i'm here to tell you that i'm
02:11:40.560
four people and he's been in there forever you're not supposed to be there forever so dirty that guy's
02:11:45.600
been in there forever do you know how dirty you have to be to be in there forever he's forever in
02:11:50.720
there yeah get him out man that's the number one rule uh wall street money reigns on schumer yeah
02:11:57.360
11 million on the senate since the beginning of the year and more than 2009 this guy's been doing
02:12:02.240
this forever wow imagine how much money this fucking guy has been doing this forever if you
02:12:10.000
have anything to do with this dude to me feels like fucking bad news bro and you know his his
02:12:17.360
niece is a comedian is she really ali wong oh i didn't even know that and she's in beef too
02:12:24.320
i'm obviously joking it's not ali wong it's the one with the same name yeah but it's not her fault
02:12:29.680
no it's no one's fault well what he's doing is his fault it's his fault but um if he gave a
02:12:37.120
fuck about health unless she's selling vapes right that'd be crazy right if she's in the zen women's
02:12:44.880
lib puffers she's like selling zin and vapes to women who've been like victims of sexual assault
02:12:52.320
she's like they should have the right to puff they should have the right to zin puff the pain away
02:12:57.440
yeah healthy sex is the flavor of it yeah healthy sex kiwi um but no dude if that guy thinks he's
02:13:04.560
gonna take zins away bro he's out of his bro dude that's not the big imagine looking at the world
02:13:09.520
and going the biggest problem is zins do you know how crazy you have to be like it's like gavin newsom
02:13:15.760
like they were trying to ban i forget what they were trying to ban but they were all going nuts
02:13:19.600
about something in california i'm like there's there's there's people like straight up on a 101
02:13:26.080
running across it with their dog in their hands yeah yeah here we go they're banning these food
02:13:32.000
chemicals which is good that's all nice right california governor gavin newsom has signed a
02:13:36.480
landmark law aimed at banning red dye number three and other potentially harmful food additives and
02:13:41.360
consumer goods it's like okay that's great but also like how about we address some of the other
02:13:47.280
issues right like yeah like the fact that some homeless people i've said this before stole a bunch of
02:13:56.080
um high school band equipment right and they live in the park and they're in the park near me and the
02:14:01.840
problem is they're not even good oh they're not good at all but hey the problem the unfortunate
02:14:06.080
thing for the area is that they practice at around 240 in the morning and i respect the the wanting to
02:14:11.920
get good oh look i get it because we all we all did that when we were starting you got to get the reps
02:14:18.080
in but the problem is they're not together because sometimes people will even hear it it's like there's
02:14:22.560
a there's you need a conductor that's where you they don't have issue they do not their conductor
02:14:28.160
that is not focused they have three drums and a second chair clarinet or flautist a lot of them
02:14:34.080
have a problem with authority oh it's the middle of the night you'll just hear though it's like uh
02:14:38.640
sometimes it's like benny and the jets or it's like uh yeah it's that uh love the way you lie by
02:14:44.400
rihanna it'll be like yeah and sometimes just sometimes you hear a little bit of it and it is
02:14:49.760
impressive yeah it's like you hear the beginning of it and you go oh they finally got it and then by the
02:14:54.640
middle of love the way you lie it's everyone's doing something different because the conductor
02:14:59.600
is just not focused yeah the conductor we need more uppers yeah for these conductors that are
02:15:07.200
living in our they gotta keep time keep time i want to stand there and watch me yeah yeah that's
02:15:15.920
what it has to be what was that article about was that it oh but you're gonna have a better if you
02:15:20.480
want to take zins away you're taking fucking zen the last thing the last thing people going to
02:15:26.000
college people need to choose something at this point in their lives we have adult males that whose
02:15:33.280
wives have left them they have zen body pillows right that's all they can do yeah you can't you'll
02:15:39.120
never take ours in that guy dude you have better luck taking guns from people than zins right zin people
02:15:45.600
need it in fact i think i would load a gun with zins right yeah yeah walk into a kappa sig house and
02:15:51.200
just fire it into the jaws of everybody in there i'm one thousand percent with you you cannot take
02:15:56.640
the fucking the last thing that they have no you can't you know it's just all dirty health care i
02:16:03.600
wonder how though that's what i don't know they feed us poison so we buy their cures i don't know what the
02:16:09.600
bottom says but it says sirhan sirhan supports rfk dude it's been it's been quite a time tim dylan um
02:16:21.120
i want to come on your show man please next week anytime you want let me know you you you said
02:16:26.400
come in two weeks that's great february like second week of february whenever you want to do it we'll do
02:16:30.640
it okay yeah we have a studio in la and new york so whichever one you want to do whichever
02:16:34.400
la la it's great yeah um thank you for having me i always have so much fun with you dude thanks so
02:16:40.080
much man yeah dude we it's a it's a lot of fun this is a blast ladies and gentlemen tim dylan
02:16:43.520
thanks tim thank you folks now i'm just floating on the breeze and i feel i'm falling like these
02:16:50.400
leaves i must be cornerstone oh but when i reach that ground i'll share this peace of mind
02:17:00.880
i found i found i can feel it in my bones but it's gonna take