This Past Weekend with Theo Von

00:00:00.000 no frills delivers get groceries delivered to your door from no frills with pc express

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00:00:13.760 i want to announce that we have a show in cork ireland now on june 9th at live at the marquee

00:00:21.040 new york city new york may 31st belfast london idaho falls salt lake city and las vegas nevada

00:00:33.260 there fourth of july weekend we'll be there in las vegas nevada for two nights at resorts world

00:00:38.160 you can get all tickets at theovahn.com slash t-o-u-r and thank you for your support and if

00:00:46.140 tickets are too expensive make sure you're not buying them on a secondary site you got to do

00:00:50.920 that that's why we suggest go through uh through the website and um and if they're too if they're

00:00:59.760 if they're sold out or something and they're expensive on secondary sites just hold the

00:01:03.640 line we'll come back through some other time i love you guys baby thank you today's guest has his

00:01:09.660 first stand-up special terrified premiering on youtube on may 31st um he is one of the most

00:01:17.840 energetic and engaging um and humorous humans that i've ever met uh you know him from impractical

00:01:28.120 jokers um and just from the years of joy he's brought to all of us today's guest is mr sal volcano

00:01:35.440 oh good to see you man

00:02:04.040 good to see you dude um yeah some yeah we just we waited to like say hey to each other kind of

00:02:12.980 until the episode started oh so this is the app started now yeah okay okay yeah so yeah i'm just

00:02:18.700 letting people know because sometimes yeah you start the episode and it's like oh man we're already

00:02:22.600 going and um and then it's like you you are you just kind of we'll get rid of some of the good

00:02:27.400 energy in the beginning man yeah i got it i got the good energy i was looking forward to seeing you

00:02:30.780 man yeah same dude 100 percent um yeah so what's different oh yeah so the other place like we still

00:02:36.340 have like our um producers that work there every day um uh we got zach and nick and they work over

00:02:43.540 there just making sure everything's smooth planning ahead yeah you know and then yeah it's been

00:02:50.380 different being here you know yeah but you how far are you from here this is not you don't post

00:02:56.020 you stay here i live here you live where we're at right now yeah oh okay i thought you like arrived

00:03:01.580 from somewhere else oh you've been here oh i thought you like arrived here i was like it's a big office

00:03:09.620 man i was like damn i fell asleep here oh okay okay right yeah no this is your permanent area yeah

00:03:17.400 that's my residence oh right on okay oh yeah that's my legal residence man oh that's so cool all right

00:03:21.940 so this is this is a great setup dude yeah it's good when you when you went to scope the place out

00:03:26.500 this had to be like a big selling point that you could make that well this is that this existed kind

00:03:32.160 of was like oh wow so i could maybe make this work you know yeah i wish there was a little more space

00:03:38.200 sometimes up here or yeah yeah up here but um though yes i mean it's been look that's the thing it's like

00:03:44.960 do i need more like i looked at a house the other day that has like a all like basically the front is

00:03:51.220 kind of almost an office okay um and i was like well i could do that and then i'm like but do i need

00:03:58.340 more you know it's i think it's about figuring out what you really need kind of yeah man and what

00:04:02.540 you want you know i don't know and then i'm not home as much as i would like to be yeah you do a lot

00:04:07.680 of road still right now right yeah yeah still touring and then sometimes i'll go do podcasts on

00:04:11.420 the road yeah yeah i know what you mean i'm i've been trying to like uh i live in a condo still

00:04:17.900 i've been trying to build a house oh wait weren't you guys building a house for a while

00:04:21.240 we talked about this last time is that true no joke i haven't progressed at all oh we're supposed

00:04:29.120 to like knock down a house and build a house and i had to go through the process like i don't know

00:04:32.780 anything about this stuff like getting like an architect and like you know making the plans and

00:04:37.900 then demoing the thing and you know i don't not handy i don't i don't really know anything about

00:04:41.880 this stuff and uh it's just been like the the worst experience really yeah we had stuff and

00:04:48.600 start squatting aren't you in new york i am yeah yeah i bought the i bought the property okay years

00:04:54.500 ago i thought i'd be living there already yeah but it's all about so we've been making refinements so

00:04:58.580 it's like that's what it's by a river or something it's by the the hudson yeah like the you know it's

00:05:04.020 by the new york there on the water it's yeah it's pretty dope like i like i have questioned in the

00:05:09.380 last three years like not doing it like three three times already and just saying fuck it because

00:05:14.560 like it's just been so tough to do that's me no worries no you know what that said you're gonna

00:05:21.200 laugh at me it said no smoking no junk except fruit every day that's my album wow just to make sure

00:05:29.780 yeah because you know when i smoke weed like i i i eat it's no good so you you'll smoke and then you

00:05:35.560 you'll eat i say i play this game myself where it's like all right if i smoke tonight i'll let

00:05:40.760 myself smoke if i don't eat if i eat i can't smoke and then when you're hot you just like you're like

00:05:46.820 yeah but you know and it just happens over and over and over and over it's like but it's not even

00:05:51.340 like we're laughing but it's like an issue oh you know what i'm saying like and i'm just like i was

00:05:55.240 trying to lose weight you know because i shot the special and i was like trying to lose weight for that

00:05:59.560 and so i did really good i lost like a ton of weight you look a lot leaner thanks yeah yeah it's been

00:06:04.260 over time but like it's it's from like my heaviest like a year and a half ago probably down 50

00:06:08.320 what i fluctuate up and down 50 my whole life though so like now i'm trying to like break down

00:06:13.980 even like the next get down to like next 20 or whatever yeah and it's just it's just tough because

00:06:18.700 because i'm so stressed like oh yeah that's the first thing i want to do it is like at the end of

00:06:23.340 the night i cannot turn off you can't i can't turn off my brain unless i just smoke a little and

00:06:28.900 otherwise i won't be able to sleep i won't be able to just like stop everything just keeps racing

00:06:32.200 so yeah dude i would love to be able to have that i wish i could smoke dope or even smoke crack

00:06:37.860 honestly sometimes but but yeah then it's like how do you also get some rest i guess but yeah

00:06:44.060 i don't know if you're gonna rest with the crack though yeah i don't know if you rest with the crack

00:06:47.840 i don't know i never really like i i feel i have known people that have done crack i haven't talked

00:06:53.240 to them about it when i say i know them i was probably a kid and there was people that worked around

00:06:57.320 where i live with my and i think they did crack that was a rumor wow but i don't really i don't really

00:07:01.920 know what crack does it's a functional like the my pillow guy he did it his whole building the

00:07:10.040 pillows you know really yeah oh so good things can come out of it yeah there are crack success

00:07:16.440 stories you know what i'm saying oh wow is that what the secret is is like cracking there

00:07:22.280 like they dust a pillow with crack before they ship it people are like yo this is the best

00:07:27.340 fucking pillow i've ever had in my life this is my pillow you can't have that shit it's like crack

00:07:32.000 bay that guy like this you know he just there's a guy on the assembly line just like as they pass

00:07:38.960 no but like crack is like crack like is it crack like cocaine or is it like heroin or is it like

00:07:44.240 both let's bring up a little bit of crack if you can yeah and and and bring up a crack rock

00:07:49.820 crack i think crack was it hasn't been as big as it was when we were younger when we were younger it

00:07:58.500 was like you know sleep breathe crack like it was in the black population too i think they and i think

00:08:05.640 there's documentaries and i haven't seen this but i believe there's documentaries that they

00:08:09.300 believe it was unleashed on the black community or whatever is that right i don't know if it's true

00:08:14.480 and i'm not saying that it isn't true i just haven't seen i didn't go down i've never gone down that

00:08:19.320 yeah but um how do you how do you make it can you give me some information on it yeah but there's

00:08:25.120 a beautiful picture not beautiful i mean there's different images there's an assortment it looks

00:08:29.200 like crack had a had a photo session it looks hold on a second because those are all like how you

00:08:33.380 shoot ebay items you know it's not like in the wild crack it's like crack in a studio yeah it looks

00:08:38.680 like somebody made a uh a charcuterie board with crack i bet you there's been a drug party before

00:08:45.860 where it's been laid out like charcuterie oh like in the high end the high-end drug parties like in

00:08:50.640 the hills and stuff oh dude i heard a brisket and like a little bit of like oh yeah a little

00:08:55.740 camembert yeah yeah yeah a little um sauvignon croc you know like it's really appealing too like people

00:09:03.680 went to the party and they never did drugs before but then they were like looks good though oh yeah

00:09:08.540 they're like oh there's no way that crack rock doesn't go with that fig jam yeah fig jam is my

00:09:14.200 favorite thing on that charcuterie board it's not always on there but it is it is only it gives you

00:09:18.720 the sweetness that you need to cut through yeah i love a good fig jam it you know it's undervalued

00:09:25.420 i think it's kind of the um it's underappreciated yet it's costly which is really the dichotomy

00:09:33.420 undervalued but overpriced yeah wow yeah when's the last time you had fig jam i think when you're

00:09:42.240 saying it when someone is when i've been at someone's house that has um that has i guess

00:09:48.800 rich or whatever and they have uh fancy wine corkers or whatever like that bottle the wine like

00:09:56.060 yeah and then they'll have a charcuterie board sometimes yeah but i got a charcuterie board for

00:10:01.460 the super bowl you didn't have fig jam on it yeah i had fig jam on it really but it also had

00:10:06.620 jalapeno poppers on it it didn't know well i did have wings as well i had wings i had other things

00:10:12.100 normally we'll make it but then uh my lady found found uh someone who did it she went to a party and

00:10:18.540 they had and she was like whoa and she got the number and then we ordered it and they bring it it's

00:10:22.560 like on a four foot board oh you know and you know you got to pay a little extra for it but for the

00:10:26.800 guests you know it's almost a level of like how rich you're willing to be when you go down the

00:10:31.400 charcuterie boards because there's also different sizes there's the um there's the noah's ark there's

00:10:36.540 the and you can go all the way down to like the titanic door santa maria yeah yeah yeah there's like

00:10:40.420 the nina sorry and that's your joke dude i stepped on it but um and yeah and you can go all

00:10:48.100 the way down like titanic door like this small little yeah don't ever let go yeah yeah yeah you

00:10:52.960 never want to let go right right i thought i would but i will tell you though i i stood there

00:10:58.160 calculating how much the woman actually paid like the actual wholesale cost because i was like there

00:11:05.700 was some there was some things on there that there are some things on there that make you go oh okay

00:11:09.520 but they're they're like you know they're throughout but then there's also like you know grapes

00:11:13.920 just cheap you know so i'm like looking at it i'm like man i guess it's labor intensive i'll give her

00:11:19.720 that okay because i felt like she probably could have got away with everything on there for like

00:11:22.940 under 200 and it was probably like 450 or something like that oh wow 450 it was like

00:11:27.880 four feet well we had like 35 people oh that's fair yeah oh yeah if it feeds 35 dude i'll fucking

00:11:33.840 get one of those every yeah but then like not we had so much food not everyone ate it and then i

00:11:38.160 have like so much excess charcuterie and then i feel guilty because i'm like i have to eat this i

00:11:42.600 can't piss away money like this yeah so i'm just i was eating charcuterie for like six seven days

00:11:47.400 past the super bowl really yeah just what just having olives and pecans and just what yeah but you know

00:11:52.460 what it is 11 pistachios like they always have like health like seven or eight like things yeah

00:11:57.400 there's unidentified things all the time i gotta like google photo it i don't even know i'm like

00:12:02.480 what is this it's like i don't even know if it's cheese it's a cream you know there's nuts i never

00:12:08.260 seen in on there before oh it gets twigs very vague towards the end like there's like sometimes

00:12:13.320 there'll be like a hoof meat there will be um like something called a neighborhood sausage you're

00:12:19.840 like yeah they give you like they give you like a legend like a key you're like oh oh you gotta try

00:12:26.780 that's the neighborhood sausage but it's so most or more depressing eating it the week after because

00:12:31.400 it's bagged in like sandwich bags in the fridge and so now i'm just pulling out different bags of

00:12:36.680 unidentified meats and like like tasting it and like the sodium levels that week were probably

00:12:42.100 through the roof really i retained a lot of water that week yeah yeah oh that's another big issue i

00:12:47.440 think is one of the side effects of charcuterie of charcuterie boards is gout probably and severe

00:12:53.720 salt retention my buddy's daddy if he had too much salt he couldn't talk and uh and so i miss you man

00:13:02.240 oh yeah so he'd get his fucking dad like his dad would be drunk and he'd get him he'd get a bunch

00:13:08.800 of fucking like he'd keep giving him potato chips and shit if he knew he was gonna like steal the car

00:13:15.080 that night the day before he'd be like give his dad just a like a family so i got like a costco bag of

00:13:20.780 ruffles yeah so he wouldn't he wouldn't chew him out when he got home he would just look at him like

00:13:27.000 furrowed

00:13:28.120 you ever have gout no i never had i'm a stepdad had it i think it basically salt builds up like in

00:13:40.400 the bins of your body huh i have i self-diagnosed gout you just said you had it yeah i just said i

00:13:47.660 was trying to will it thank you for admitting it a lot of people will have fucking like i had like a

00:13:53.320 stepdad probably couldn't even move his arms or anything he's like i don't have anything wrong

00:13:57.160 and meanwhile i was like randy in a christmas story in the snowsuit

00:14:01.880 no i i was getting these sharp pains is that gout stuff yeah right there right there oh wow i never

00:14:11.800 even googled gout and that's where i had it gout happens when you're eight you are a t-shirt gout

00:14:17.820 happens gout happens yeah i didn't mean to cut you off no and that is definitely a market that as

00:14:23.480 we age we can get into i think gout happens gout happens right oh my stepdad would wear that every

00:14:29.920 day he'd wear the swede wear the helmet yeah he's got it so bad dude he's a fucking yeah he shows up

00:14:36.180 on the periodic table at elements that dude has so much salt in him that dude's fucking probably got

00:14:41.040 iodine in him that's not good you ever talk to him about it huh we mentioned you should cut it cut

00:14:46.000 his sodium down you know we mentioned anything you do for him he's born free he wears a shirt that

00:14:50.140 says born free all the time so that's not the kind of guy you can approach about their i think born

00:14:53.780 free essentially means gout happens yeah yeah those are that's an interchangeable shirt no i had this

00:15:01.900 shooting pain like in your foot out of nowhere i don't know where but i mean like your foot locks up

00:15:07.280 and you can't like you would have to like like you have to like tiptoe and put your weight on the

00:15:11.060 other foot out of nowhere right and then what happened like um could happen for two minutes

00:15:16.500 could happen for like five minutes ten minutes and then it would just magically like a charlie

00:15:21.380 horse would just go away oh and i didn't really know what it was i thought i kind of i thought i

00:15:25.080 broke my toe or i had some something wrong with the actual like infrastructure in there

00:15:29.720 and it would reoccur and go away and reoccur and i was like i gotta talk to my dad so i went and i got

00:15:35.840 x-rays and they were like it's fine there's nothing wrong with it yeah like you're full of shit and i

00:15:40.260 realized god because it's not just salt i just heard like well it is meats and stuff so i guess

00:15:44.880 that is salt yep salt shrimp i know have it shit that's the seafood seafood is high in sodium i didn't

00:15:51.740 really really know that and i eat seafood thinking like oh it's lean it's uh it's good protein you know

00:15:58.340 and um yeah it's the lean cuisine of the ocean kind of it is yeah it is right yeah i uh and then i and

00:16:05.400 then i realized i i realized i i have i guess you can have it you can have flare-ups and it goes

00:16:10.000 away because i haven't now had knock on wood this is going to be this is going to suck because i know

00:16:14.180 i'm going to bring it back now by saying it but i haven't really had it in like like a year or in a

00:16:19.040 year and a half but there was times where i would get it like every few days and it would strike

00:16:23.400 anywhere at the most inopportune times oh yeah yeah it's thank you though god you know prayers you

00:16:29.700 know anything you could do for me you i love how like you really you actually really just got

00:16:34.900 empathy for them for my oh well i watched my stepdad he would have so much like flare-up or

00:16:40.000 whatever he couldn't even my stepmom would go put a blanket on him he's like he couldn't even like

00:16:45.420 even an afghan or whatever couldn't touch his skin it would fucking hurt him too much let's give this

00:16:51.100 information though gout happens when urate a substance in your body builds up and forms needle-shaped

00:16:56.220 crystals in your joints i don't even know what that god yeah i got i had i guess i had needle-shaped

00:17:02.920 crystals this leads to pain swelling redness and changes in the movement and use of the affected

00:17:09.780 joint however not everyone with high urate levels develop gout and does gout just go away maybe look

00:17:18.420 that up how it comes and goes away yeah um the pain is is like you can't step use the foot yeah you

00:17:28.240 literally like it's almost like you need a crutch but you don't have one because you never know

00:17:32.360 when you're a short friend yeah you need yeah you need anything really any kind of support at all

00:17:37.420 gout can go away or return again and again oh my gosh dude this is like one of those um

00:17:43.200 one of those robert pattinson movies some people will go months or even years without having

00:17:48.780 another gout attack or very rarely they may never have another one yeah yeah it's like the mafia

00:17:54.600 like you never know when it's lurking over your shoulder like it threatens you once and then you

00:17:57.600 just be like you gotta fall in line i have psoriasis which is the same exact thing i got a lot of like

00:18:04.280 uh like like uh autoimmune things that that like threaten me then they go away but they always

00:18:11.680 there's always a threat of them again yeah yeah that's one thing i just i guess about growing up

00:18:17.220 is that that stuff starts to happen um your special is um yeah it's called terrified i shot at the vic

00:18:25.260 in chicago back in december uh is my this is my first actual one on like anything i recorded yeah i have

00:18:31.440 some like television sets and like you know this is not happening this and that but like most of my

00:18:36.480 stuff i just never put it out there so like i finally like had the time the runway to do it

00:18:40.820 so like big it's a big deal for me because like people like a lot of a lot of people aren't educated

00:18:45.760 that i am a stand-up you know like my my fans are but like just you know i want to reach like you

00:18:50.760 know you know so it's like this is a kind of like my you know hopefully i'll reach a lot of people

00:18:54.420 yeah well i remember why one of what you and i got on a show together at a bookstore in new york i

00:19:01.460 remember i think when you were first starting to do comedy yeah like it's well now let's read about

00:19:06.420 uh proper standard probably been about eight eight years and yeah so now yeah i actually was just so

00:19:12.240 so funny because i was like i was talking to my lady that was coming here and uh we started talking

00:19:18.140 about you and i actually i went and looked at because we we it was like eight nine years ago

00:19:23.300 you you visited uh this we went we're not fit together for halloween me yeah and i found a photo of us

00:19:29.520 you did yeah i got i found the photo list i was like i went it was that far back but i had to go in

00:19:34.040 like my uh this is this is you this you you dressed as a newsie and i was like a run dmc dude

00:19:40.120 yeah that was a that was a fun night dude that was a fun night i remember we went to a couple of

00:19:46.800 good bars yeah we were hopping around that was dude that was nine years ago i can't believe i know

00:19:52.260 and then i found this one which i was like i guess i forgot we did this but we did a show together

00:19:56.400 me you and adam ray at the house of blues in san diego do you even remember that i remember i showed up

00:20:02.160 there with luggage for some reason i remember i don't remember that i definitely remember that

00:20:06.840 and um because i uh yeah i just remember because sometimes you don't have luggage with you

00:20:12.800 yeah most of your life you don't have luggage right no not most of the days yeah so most so so when i

00:20:17.580 have luggage sometimes i remember it especially if you're with luggage at a place that you shouldn't

00:20:21.540 have lunch it always feels so weird oh if you go to lunch or somewhere you have to go to the airport

00:20:26.440 after you fucking walk into like a um you know uh uh i'm trying to think of a good place that's

00:20:34.680 well that place is closed down but even like a macaroni grill like a semi nice place where

00:20:39.100 and you got the luggage by your seat you know it's by your seat and people are like walking by and

00:20:45.120 you're like yeah i know especially in new york i'm sure if you go to a cafe because a luggage will

00:20:51.480 take up probably seven percent of a cafe yeah yeah yeah i would say so yeah absolutely and then

00:20:57.460 forget about it if you have a large if i have your large you probably just got to eat in the park

00:21:00.720 you probably can't get it through the doorway well you've done i mean at that point that's how

00:21:07.200 homelessness starts i think it's somebody that's somebody is meeting somebody they're on their last

00:21:13.400 leg they're headed out of town and they're they're meeting somebody for lunch somebody's like

00:21:17.420 look i'll buy you a meal and you realize your luggage is too big to get into the cafe and they're

00:21:22.700 like you got to eat in the park i just got new luggage so i'm like feeling good about it oh yeah

00:21:27.160 my old i was still using a like the cloth one like not a hard case i like the cloth one because it used

00:21:32.800 to like zipper the like the flat was thin and the whole depth was one side and i was i was hesitant

00:21:39.240 to get you were using that style i was doing that with just the two wheels that you had to lug like

00:21:43.660 on like it was like a hand truck i respect the two wheels yeah yeah yeah and i you know and i i

00:21:48.280 ended up getting that one because my shit busted while i was at the airport and then i had to run

00:21:52.980 down and get luggage at the airport and i bought it and i was like all right and then i was like

00:21:57.260 oh man it was it was like uh can't not can't you know it wasn't like hard case too so it got you

00:22:03.100 know wet and dry and wet and dry and but i like that it was deep you know yeah oh i guess that's true

00:22:10.300 you have one side is deep you're not deciding what it wasn't like a split you know and i i

00:22:14.840 resisted the hard case split for so long and uh and then finally this luggage i couldn't get the

00:22:20.560 handle up anymore i still i still had it for like three months with no hand couldn't get the handle

00:22:24.780 up i was like just reaching low and just pulling oh my god i just i just i don't know i just like

00:22:30.420 don't have time and i was like i you know what it is i want to be a smart consumer yeah and i didn't

00:22:36.840 have the time to do the research on the new luggage and so i just was like i'm gonna do and

00:22:42.080 then one day i just was like i can't do this anymore yeah and i committed and i got the new

00:22:46.120 hard hard like trying to get out of a marriage i'm gonna stay with this baby just a just a few

00:22:53.160 just so i know that i really like i found somebody else uh and now i do the split hard top and you know

00:22:58.980 what i was afraid for nothing really it's got four wheels it glides effortlessly oh uh it's

00:23:05.000 impermeable to to liquids oh yeah right and and it's not really that bad because i was like oh

00:23:10.520 what if i need something that is like tall in a split i'm not gonna be able to do it because one

00:23:15.660 side zips so it's not like you can combine both sides really uh-huh but uh luckily i haven't run

00:23:20.640 into that problem happy to say that happy to announce it here damn thanks man that's unbelievable

00:23:25.560 so you are you're hard case luggage guy now yeah i'm hard case luggage guy wow the best part

00:23:30.380 of it though is the effortless gliding yeah i used to like be like oh it was like the trail

00:23:36.020 of tears when i was like you know with the old one yeah yeah not to diminish get out of here engine

00:23:41.420 people would yell that at you you're like hold on guy this guy yeah this guy is just he's a he's a

00:23:49.720 he likes what he likes you know he he knows that style of luggage wow that was almost archaic i feel

00:23:57.280 like though to see somebody who would still just have the one thin layer side that you couldn't

00:24:02.020 put anything in maybe some pockets but that was it yeah it was like for you know tissues the first

00:24:08.280 thin flap was you couldn't do anything with it really yeah but you have you seen someone walk with

00:24:12.640 like us you remember when we were little it was just a suitcase with a handle and if you were lucky

00:24:19.520 there was these little ball wheels on the bottom of like a traditional suitcase and then they had

00:24:25.060 like this little like almost like a little handle that you could pull it with but it had no control

00:24:30.360 it was little ball it had no also uh like it wasn't weighted correctly you remember they were

00:24:35.420 like just big so back in the day people had to like literally to carry their luggage in both hands

00:24:41.540 like walk with it yeah that's true when i was little that's the luggage my parents had well that's

00:24:46.440 all and they call it luggage i mean they call it i i guess that was the original like they were

00:24:50.320 lugging it around that's got to be it right that's why they call it that it would have to be i think

00:24:54.240 my mother still carries a bag like that from like her childhood basically this she's got she she

00:25:02.460 jacked uh she could be yeah she could probably hit you pretty quickly without you being really

00:25:08.660 prepared for it unless you grew up with her uh you came to you came to oh you had timing that your mom

00:25:15.480 was like mike tyson and mike tyson's punch out like you can get all the way up to him and then you were

00:25:19.280 just screwed oh you make one mistake with him you're done yeah it's one hit you're done

00:25:24.160 oh yeah remember that yeah oh seven three seven three five nine six three that's the code it was

00:25:30.100 yeah i have a tattoo in my brain i made a t-shirt of it my own t-shirt

00:25:35.020 gal dude your mom was like tyson did you ever beat him mike tyson's on nintendo

00:25:41.240 yeah we beat him yeah somebody yeah i remember like um yeah we had one neighbor that was like real

00:25:49.280 liberal and was like don't beat him because he's black you know and it was like it's not about that it's

00:25:53.320 like this is a video game they missed the point yeah yeah i'm like they didn't want to shoot the

00:25:57.780 ducks in duck hunt yeah they didn't want to rock the boat yeah you know i'm like look we paid 44

00:26:03.540 for this game yeah on my seventh birthday so we could rock the fucking boat yeah yeah you know this

00:26:09.940 is one place i can take a swing at a tough brother yeah in the safety of my own home but yeah when he

00:26:17.320 would come out yeah what sucks is if you got all the way up to him i guess they gave you the code

00:26:22.380 once you got up to him but i used to try and play it straight through you know i got to i got to that

00:26:27.660 point where i could play it straight through it was one of my games what do you mean play it straight

00:26:31.640 through like i would start at glass joe yeah and go until i beat tyson just without like in one

00:26:37.140 session oh one sitting really yeah one sitting yeah yeah i mean it didn't take that long

00:26:41.600 a couple hours i had all the time in the world when i was 12. uh remember how much time you had

00:26:45.880 yeah remember how much time you had dude people like what are you doing today you're like what are

00:26:51.720 you even talking about i don't even know what i'm going to do today i have no idea what's going to

00:26:55.460 happen today yeah summer vacation from school felt like it felt like years yeah so kids can't imagine

00:27:04.180 imagine this or anybody imagine now you're out of school you go home there's a tv that's it really

00:27:12.700 and it's playing like little house in the prairie and then straight into uh wheel of fortune

00:27:19.240 that's exactly right or straight into price is right uh well little house price right was 11 a.m

00:27:25.360 and then little house was where i was it was like it was like it was actually a what's the last prime

00:27:32.260 time though i think it was or am i thinking of highway to heaven highway to heaven okay okay

00:27:36.820 yeah and we're huge fans here both of those yeah michael landon's staying all the way yeah michael

00:27:42.020 landon somebody sent me a video of his hometown the other day and the his childhood home and stuff

00:27:46.640 is pretty cool of michael landon's yeah someone sent you a video of michael landon's childhood home

00:27:52.080 just recently yeah just sent me like this is where he lived at this is the bench he used to spend time

00:27:56.800 on and just like just some like uh police pieces from his neighborhood um what uh where is he from

00:28:04.880 connecticut i have no clue i want to talk more about this special man forest hills new york

00:28:12.680 now this sounds nice have you been here no uh is that queens yeah oh yeah yeah i've been to queens of

00:28:19.400 course is that queens forest hills yeah go back to it let's see landon was born to eugene

00:28:26.180 maurice orowitz october 31st halloween no way no way that's when we hung out yeah um we're still

00:28:36.020 in the neighborhood of queens new york his fathers were peggy oh yeah it's beautiful that dude

00:28:39.060 it looks like it looks like you're in an old old europe or something it's all these old like

00:28:42.820 there's an old section of it um oh yeah yeah yeah yeah it looks like you're in like a like a

00:28:48.640 cottage like it looks like you're in the foothills of switzerland and some some of the places in

00:28:52.440 queens wow yeah so yeah this was some of the footage if somebody had sent me um and now this

00:28:57.940 is apropos of nothing they sent you the michael landon treats people know i'm a fan is that right

00:29:02.760 yeah oh all right i'm a known um fan of that kind of programming or him specifically him specifically

00:29:10.580 i think just like you know it was just uh he was good wholesome he was the fatherhood yeah he was

00:29:16.560 kind of that father that television father um when i started podcasting um an online store was

00:29:24.380 probably the furthest thing from my mind you know i was just concerned with uh with getting the episodes

00:29:29.980 out but eventually we we put a t-shirt online and we started selling it and and then that evolved and

00:29:38.160 people wanted more and so next thing you know we was selling a t-shirt and a dang sweatshirts and a

00:29:44.340 high heel even at one point i think and that's where we are now and it's been so easy all because

00:29:51.880 i use shopify shopify is the global commerce platform that helps you sell at every stage of

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00:30:12.980 your online shop stage to the first real life store stage all the way to the did we just hit a million

00:30:19.920 orders stage shopify is there to help you grow right now you can sign up for a one dollar per month trial

00:30:26.740 period at shopify.com slash t-h-e-o all lowercase go to shopify.com slash t-h-e-o now to grow your

00:30:37.360 business no matter what stage you're in shopify.com slash t-h-e-o everybody likes having skin on their

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00:32:00.400 t-h-e-o see site for details great time to get something for yourself or something for father's

00:32:09.300 day a little bit more about the special man so yeah like what has that been like for you like

00:32:14.100 the comedy road like did you start to really feel like okay this is what kind of comedians go through

00:32:19.000 because you also got into comedy where people already knew you um did was that scary like oh

00:32:25.420 they're gonna judge me or did it feel more like they're gonna support me like um yeah i know what

00:32:30.440 you mean uh yeah well i did stand up like 20 years ago like out of college i did it for a little bit

00:32:35.960 and then i started getting to sketch comedy and like improv and stuff and then that's how i really

00:32:41.640 got into comedy because i started to get a little successful with the sketch stuff this is like 2000

00:32:46.000 you know 99 i started that and then um and then i got on the show and i was like well the only thing

00:32:52.080 i ever really wanted to do was do stand-up but it just i didn't get go down that path and then i was

00:32:56.760 like you know if i don't do it now i mean i'm not i have to start doing it now i have a platform now you

00:33:01.180 know but i was like uh i was very into this like i was into the stand-up world a little bit because

00:33:07.560 i used to host i owned a bar and i used to host like comedy on tuesdays and and this is 2008 9 10 11 12

00:33:15.360 and so every comic every new york comic played my bar and so i became friends with everyone like

00:33:22.280 years before i like started going hard at it in new york and so everybody was like i was friends

00:33:27.900 with everybody and also like i just went at it really really hard like i was you know i didn't

00:33:31.780 half-ass anything i was like it's what i it's what i do and it's what i wanted to do but i understand

00:33:36.260 like it's a thing like okay people know me from television like that am i backdooring it am i gonna

00:33:42.560 have an act you know like a you know but if you just like if you're out there every single night

00:33:46.660 at every i mean i'm playing bars with three people in it to this to that to the next thing five six

00:33:52.620 spots a night for you you know so it's like you know and then it's like you know if you're if you

00:33:58.240 respect it i mean you know so luckily everybody was really cool with me and uh would you feel like

00:34:03.140 personally that's a little bit more what i mean like i think you seem like an authentic enough guy

00:34:07.560 where like you would um be realistic about what you were really doing you know if you're just trying

00:34:14.160 to create a fun show that was like a like a joker show like you know or just like bring a lot of that

00:34:19.660 to stage or if you were trying to you know like really rock in a stand-up and really go through it

00:34:24.060 you know and i know that for years you were um performing but yeah like what was it was there

00:34:29.520 anything like for you in your own head like do i need to prove to myself like was it some of that a

00:34:34.160 little bit you think yeah but that's a motivator you know like because because i tour with the

00:34:38.300 guys i've been touring with the guys for 13 years well we toured back in 2000 but now since the show

00:34:44.920 we've been touring for 13 years we're on our fifth you know like we do united states every market and

00:34:51.160 then uk every mark you know this is our fifth one in 12 years so and you know you know our story was

00:34:56.280 like you know we started really small we started playing literally when we started like nobody wanted to

00:35:00.120 really invest in us oh yeah you know like even our agents they like we're like oh yeah you can do

00:35:04.800 live stuff you know and we started in like literally like c rooms you know like really like

00:35:09.040 at like hole-in-the-wall places but it it got better and then you know a few years went theater and then

00:35:13.700 and then we started you know playing big big big places and then uh but it is it's different it's not

00:35:19.740 it's not stand-up you know it's like it's like a multimedia show it's oh yeah it's for our fans we

00:35:25.180 tell stories it's interactive it's like geared toward the fan yeah and i love being there i mean

00:35:29.280 so many of my first fans were fans that were came over from you guys oh no really oh yeah i mean um

00:35:36.300 is that just because of you like you i think from going on the cruise that we went on and then some

00:35:41.920 of the fans like um would come to my shows you know you guys have uh jokers had some of the most loyal

00:35:47.700 fans um by far yeah yeah that's true that is really true by far i mean it's like the bible and then

00:35:54.360 jokers i feel like no but they're good like that if like we vouch for someone it's like they will

00:35:59.720 attach themselves because you know they're not really stand-up fans you know like they're they're

00:36:04.360 fans of the show maybe they're fans of comedy and everything but they find a lot of people through

00:36:08.760 us yeah you know so it's like when we tell them oh this person like they're like they're so happy to

00:36:13.900 have someone to seek out and to become a fan of yeah they're like more like human fans kind of human

00:36:19.080 fans like just like usually just pretty fun loving people you guys have said some of the best fans i feel

00:36:23.900 like thanks yeah i think i think so too and they're just so like uh they're so invested and

00:36:28.800 they're so loyal you know it's we're only on the air this long because you know because of that kind

00:36:34.080 of i don't know that kind of dedication they have to it that loyalty you know what i mean like we just

00:36:39.040 signed i just uh season 10 just finished airing and uh we mean we didn't announce this yet but we

00:36:45.000 signed for season 11 and 12 so i'm shooting season 11 now wow and i can't even believe it really

00:36:50.660 because it's like 300 episodes we've been doing it since 2011 like i didn't think that shit but

00:36:55.160 it's because of them it's really it's because of them and like they if someone is in our orbit and

00:37:02.540 of the show's or like they want to like that's how much they love us they just want to like they want

00:37:07.200 to kind of they're cool they're cool to be like a fan of what we're a fan of you know i mean like

00:37:11.860 that kind of thing they buy extension yeah yeah they want to care yeah they and also they trust

00:37:16.360 your acumen or whatever like yeah whatever whatever you think is on your charcuterie board

00:37:24.380 of humor right they like want to get it they're like oh yeah like you're my fig jam babe yeah you

00:37:28.760 know i'm like try some fig jam right here you're my fig jam babe that's another good shirt we're gonna

00:37:35.720 make a lot of shirts today let's see how many pieces of merch we can come up with by the time this

00:37:39.120 this episode ends right now we got two yeah we got two we got gout gout happens in your

00:37:43.940 magic jam yeah all right but i want to branch out it can't just be t-shirts maybe we'll do some like

00:37:48.280 oh we'll get into socks like maybe some yes maybe laptop laptop covers or something like that

00:37:53.740 yeah maybe like a wind chime oh you gotta get you gotta that's a secret with merch you have great

00:38:00.780 you gotta get you gotta throw in something like people don't normally get really i think so yeah

00:38:06.240 that's i i think i just didn't want to end up having like all kind of like you know i got like

00:38:10.640 um hats for disabled people or i got like you know niche children's vests not a lot of disabled

00:38:18.100 children's vests you know you're like what is going on you know yeah but you should do cinnamon like oh

00:38:23.260 theo's got a cinnamon yeah do you have anything like that i'm surprised you don't you don't have

00:38:27.800 like a rub or something like that you don't dude come on you're the you're the southern king man

00:38:34.140 you got to get like yourself a rub or something bro i've got a rub dude you're not allowed to use

00:38:40.520 it near school i'll tell you that brother but i did a peanut butter for charity no way yeah the well

00:38:48.500 the our podcast we have the so i do hey babe with christa stefano and taste buds with joe de rosa

00:38:53.520 and together we're on this no press network on it's on youtube whatever and so we i had this peanut

00:38:58.880 butter that i loved saratoga peanut butter company was this uh family-owned like woman-owned business

00:39:05.240 and she used to be from staten island where i'm from and i found her at a christmas market not even

00:39:09.840 her i just found a stand and i was loving it loving it loving it and i would mention it and like you

00:39:14.660 know it's a support and then they reached out and like we combined and made a like a peanut butter for

00:39:18.400 charity did that once oh saratoga peanut butter put in like the no press i bet you it'll come up

00:39:24.740 because it was cool with her on the we're on the label and stuff like fun you know oh that would

00:39:28.200 be really cool yeah i never thought about some of that i guess uh pickles one time pickles we did

00:39:37.580 i don't know i just worry i guess about like trying to sell to me there's something that gets weird if

00:39:43.560 i feel like i'm trying to sell people too many things oh for sure i didn't sell that that was just

00:39:47.860 the money went to charity and that was i was just oh i see what you're saying yeah i didn't make my own

00:39:51.500 yeah i make my own yeah of course of course yeah q i was on a so q my buddy you know he made

00:39:57.180 cucumbers no that would be good he he owned the beer company he started it he he bought the rights

00:40:02.740 to and revived a beer company from staten island from like a hundred years ago that went great idea

00:40:07.240 right and yeah and he he was so passionate about it and he he doesn't he doesn't have any more but

00:40:12.980 years he had it and to to mess with me on the show he made uh there was one time on the show

00:40:20.380 where they renamed me prince herb okay and i had to go by prince herb in my whole life for like a

00:40:27.260 year like late night tv the news any press going up on stage please welcome prince herb they pierced

00:40:33.600 my ears they made me wear these big cubic zirconia earrings it was very embarrassing so i was known as

00:40:39.000 prince herb and so i mean everything i did like i would go to starbucks and get like a lot of things

00:40:43.860 they'd be like prince herb yeah right and he he he made a prince herb brew and it was

00:40:50.520 was that you in a picture of you if you pull up prince herb that's all me oh yeah that's prince

00:40:56.920 herb they put billboard in times square that's a billboard of me with the earrings no way yeah that

00:41:01.340 that's the that's the new year's eve billboard that's the huge one that's in times square yeah

00:41:07.760 that's the size of the building you had gout in your cheeks dude yeah that is huge dude dude it's

00:41:14.300 it it was like 60 no what are you looking at the t-shirt the prince herb for 2024 no so if you put

00:41:20.280 in prince who is that that that's oh that's another thing i'll get to that that's me that oh that's

00:41:24.880 that's you that's me that's the worst picture i ever took 2003 i had the flu and i was 60 pounds

00:41:28.580 overweight and i gave them the picture to put on jokers because we like help each other out you know

00:41:33.080 like they want to do something like here take this bad picture of me go ahead yeah and they kept

00:41:37.040 using it for like six seven seasons right and then i was like this joke is getting old and then

00:41:42.940 just when i thought i was getting old it became a meme dude like the crying michael jordan face

00:41:47.820 not that like it's that big but i'm saying like that like people just started using it i don't

00:41:51.220 understand why dude it got so big that college campuses across the country i go to college shows

00:41:57.380 now everybody in the audience has that face on a shirt or they put it on they put it on quilts and

00:42:03.940 they put it on like these blankets and they hang them in the dorms wow dude at their graduation i'm

00:42:09.920 on my fat hands on the cap like and everything that it's it's and i never sold made a dollar from

00:42:14.520 that someone made so many millions of dollars i mean dude i can't tell you the amount of merch

00:42:20.320 that that thing is on who is that that's me dude that's me i look like andre the giant bro

00:42:26.760 yeah it's just a bad angle or a bad day i was in santa monica i was at lunch with q he took the

00:42:32.860 picture and i was at i mean that one's blown up like someone widened it but it wasn't good i

00:42:39.400 understand the one with the glowing orbs has been edited i don't know what i asked the kids when i go

00:42:46.460 to the colleges like they hold them up on the blankets like they get this they spend real money

00:42:49.900 oh yeah they get it blown up and i'm like what what is this and they just like quiltery is very costly

00:42:54.880 yeah yeah i don't know nothing i don't know much about it yeah but i didn't think college kids

00:42:58.860 could do quiltery can afford quiltery oh look at this oh my god i didn't know you had all this

00:43:03.780 happen to you yeah and so but when it first happened i didn't know what it looks like the guy died

00:43:09.080 yeah i think that's part of it everybody when they look at that guy they're like oh yeah i remember

00:43:14.420 him it's terrible to gamble i look like the whale right i never didn't see the movie but i look

00:43:19.980 like i locked myself in my house and i had you know i didn't come out for a while you look like

00:43:22.980 the whale if he wrapped i feel like like that's the element that's also there's a very brooklyn

00:43:27.860 or very like uh okay there's a run dmc like kind of a little bit with this and i don't see run dmc

00:43:34.640 in just my big peach fat bald circle head but i if you say it i'll take it because anything to make

00:43:39.420 me feel better about this photo okay there is a hasn't run in a while dmc has not run yeah

00:43:44.540 yeah yeah yeah there's a hasn't thanks for the thank you for the in a while i appreciate that

00:43:49.300 um but i you know it's one of those pictures you see if you notice you go to and i hate to say this

00:43:55.900 out loud but a f-u-n-e-r-a-l and one of the pictures that's on there why don't you want to say

00:44:02.440 funeral because people pronounce it differently and it means something bad well if you say funeral

00:44:07.180 oh yeah soften the blow that's a good call yeah yeah say we're at a crazy funeral somebody hands

00:44:12.200 you a pamphlet yeah and you see a fixture on it sure it looks like that guy a lot of times like

00:44:19.600 damn r.i.p yeah just say a frere just say a frere for me r.i.p ricky too soon like a lot of that kind

00:44:26.100 of yeah that's what it looks like it definitely looks like that but when it i didn't know what they

00:44:30.360 meant someone texted me and was like i gotta tell you something you're sitting down that's what they

00:44:34.420 something i said what's up they go you become a meme and i was like what does that what do you

00:44:38.360 mean i become a meme you know i know what a meme is but what do you mean i become a meme and they're

00:44:41.960 like you the picture of you that you hate that was on like because i was like this is not funny

00:44:46.480 anymore you did it till it's not funny it's like they used it for like seven seasons and then it

00:44:49.740 happened and then dude for like one year if i posted something if i and my dms were i couldn't

00:44:58.140 get to regular messages i couldn't see if you dm me i couldn't see it if i put something online

00:45:02.880 800 that face right underneath in the comments and it was like i i thought it was funny at first

00:45:08.400 but then it was like it's just not funny i gotta talk to i gotta i have to communicate i gotta use

00:45:15.000 the internet yeah every time i post i can't just get that head in you know it's like so i don't even

00:45:20.180 know where we're going oh but anyway the prince herb it was a non-alcoholic hot pink beer and it said

00:45:26.580 a corny a corny beer for a corny mofo if you put prince herb brew you'll see the can now this is a

00:45:32.280 funny story uh you'll see the can with me on it it's a hot pink it's a hot pink can uh like prince

00:45:39.980 herb there it is on the left there oh wow that's a real future looking can of beer and that's that's

00:45:45.660 cute plugging it right there yeah and it said like a corny brew for a corny mofo now here's the thing

00:45:50.280 this is the funniest thing ever it was unintentional but he shipped so many of those things right it was

00:45:55.840 hot pink and it was non-alcoholic and he shipped so many of them and what we did he wanted to get it

00:46:01.520 done in time for that punishment where they pierced my ears put on the billboard so it was all part of

00:46:05.700 the same punishment okay so i didn't know he was doing this so after they they brought me out to

00:46:10.400 time square they told me i was going to become prince herb and i and i didn't know what they

00:46:14.420 meant and then they said turn around and i saw on the billboard and then they took me inside pierced my

00:46:17.640 ears for the whole season i had to wear these big cubic zirconia earrings oh i didn't see this yeah

00:46:22.340 and then and then that came up and they told me about that in the moment

00:46:25.620 so in the i guess in the haste in the haste to produce the beer make a recipe of a hot pink

00:46:31.360 non-alcoholic ipa something was wrong in the in the measurements of the recipe and he shipped out

00:46:38.920 like i want to say like i don't know hundreds and hundreds of cases or hundreds of cases and uh

00:46:44.100 he got word back that they were exploding yeah and what happened was if they were not refrigerated and

00:46:53.600 only or they had to stay cold and that's it once they were cold they had to stay cold and if they

00:46:59.440 if you didn't if you took them out of the refrigerator they exploded bro and i don't mean like they leaked

00:47:04.720 they exploded which is actually in you know in full circle it's the funniest thing i've ever heard of

00:47:10.220 in my life because it's like he didn't intend that but people started reaching out being like yeah

00:47:14.320 it's exploding all over my house my fridge everything because you could also leave it out to

00:47:18.700 them put in the fridge and explode in the fridge oh but these things were popping like grenades my cats

00:47:23.580 sweat my kids yeah dude so and so they were expanding and so that you see the metal in the

00:47:29.360 bottle just like start to expand until the things pop like grenades and it happened to everybody and

00:47:36.140 he had to give all the money you know back or whatever i think it was the charity of all too

00:47:40.400 and then i got i got a case of my own as just like here you have it and i didn't know and i put

00:47:46.800 them in the fridge right away and then so then i had like two cases i had 48 of those in my fridge

00:47:53.300 and when i realized that they were going to start exploding i was like i can't i need room in the

00:47:57.180 fridge it's my main fridge yeah and so my lady's like we got to get these out of here and i was

00:48:01.400 like but i don't know how to get them out because they're going to start exploding yeah and so we took

00:48:06.040 out i left two in there now right now there's only one in my fridge and it's it's it's expanded

00:48:10.680 because but i put it back in time so it's it's like the top is like it's almost like a point

00:48:16.360 and it's ready to explode if it loses like five degrees but it's in the it's in like the

00:48:21.120 crisper oh yeah but we took yeah it's a safe drawer yeah it's supposed to keep you know so but we took

00:48:27.120 every one of them out and i put them in the sink in my in my i put them in the sink in my kitchen

00:48:31.760 and i just put a blanket over it dude it was like it was like sarajevo in there dude it after like 30

00:48:39.440 it's like 20 30 minutes it was like and dude it was i mean and then part of it don't call it a

00:48:46.780 combat dude it was exploding it was hot pink sticky beer all over my kitchen i mean and it was scary

00:48:53.720 actually and it was scary it's not alcoholic but i would try to like pop them open to preempt the

00:49:01.220 blast and so i would go and i would like but then you'd pop them open and they would just still

00:49:06.080 explode yeah i gotta send you a picture of the one in my fridge it's like it's just two degrees

00:49:12.540 away i know what's gonna happen but like i just i'm keeping it for like the like the what do you

00:49:17.600 call it just like like a gender reveal no like like just a keepsake that's what it should be really

00:49:24.680 funny you know what it sounds like these would have been great for is gin gay gender like gender

00:49:29.480 reveals if your cousin was gay or your brother's gay like hey mom and dad we got an announcement to

00:49:34.220 make like an out and out like a yeah yeah like a coming an hour coming out or yeah like a coming

00:49:38.980 out reveal which i guess is a sexual reveal yeah or preferences reveal or something yeah yeah uh

00:49:45.640 you'd be like mom and dad we gotta we gotta we want you to know something you just set one in front

00:49:49.700 of them and everybody's waiting a couple minutes and it's just fucking it's like a trojan horse

00:49:54.160 really i know but to put to hear like danny's gay and they're like no shit we fucking we knew he was

00:50:02.200 gay and now you fucking ruin your mom's new wallpaper that's the problem dude but it's just so funny to

00:50:12.240 think that they were exploding all across american people's homes unintentionally oh yeah but beautiful

00:50:17.980 there's something so special about that type of thing sitting in your chair at home right you're

00:50:23.000 relaxing you're cute right you've made a lot of beer you got prince herb brew just it's just hit the

00:50:29.440 you know it's on the ships heading out to different homes and then you know it's starting to blow up

00:50:34.820 and you're like all right it's things are going poorly but you hear like boom like the email

00:50:40.180 boom boom boom you've got malpractice

00:50:46.100 for real though for real lucky nobody got hurt oh for because i'm telling you dude i'm telling you

00:50:53.260 the sound was like you would go yo just i was one can i had four i had uh 48 cans oh yeah thank you

00:51:02.300 baby angel that is so heavy yeah it is heavy when that kind of stuff is going on when um there's a

00:51:10.300 dangerous product that hits the scene i think is very scary um kid rock i know made a beer

00:51:16.160 yeah and the first batch of it was good it was like badass beer or something it was called yeah

00:51:20.820 and the second it was called not bud light

00:51:23.060 it was called straight beer

00:51:28.320 even though the craziest part is he drinks bud light every day

00:51:34.220 you get over things you know it's like a bad breakup yeah it really is time will heal his

00:51:39.340 bud light wounds that's a good point um it did quickly but badass that was his beer badass beer

00:51:45.120 american lager and the second batch of it like they just made it bad like whoever made it it was a bad

00:51:51.980 beer like they messed up the recipe or something oh so it didn't taste good tasted horrible tasted bad

00:51:56.340 so yeah tasted just ass they had to just get like a sharpie and like blackout bad and they could sell

00:52:01.200 it for what it then it wouldn't be like false advertising people like what are you drinking

00:52:05.440 you're like yeah somebody disgusting somebody put ass in a can exactly

00:52:11.520 which is so ironic because he didn't want to do bud light but then people are like yo i'm eating ass

00:52:18.880 i messed with ass yeah you're like hold on you put that ass in my mouth

00:52:26.240 a can of horrible ass yeah but you can't support a beverage of some guy who maybe prefers a little

00:52:35.280 ass every now and then like what kind of world are we living in but the simple fact that he had his

00:52:43.280 second run of the beer he was all fired up and then it just was and the recipe was bad like i'm

00:52:48.080 sorry to hear that because he he's a guy who needs a break oh yeah you ever go to his like compound

00:52:53.840 or whatever oh yeah it's nutty right i know you kind of know him probably right yeah it's crazy

00:52:57.440 yeah it's pretty interesting he um where was i with them i went to one of his shows he played in my

00:53:02.640 sister's town a couple of weeks ago in louisiana okay and so i got to fly over with him he has his

00:53:08.560 own plane so i got to go on up on like a private plane and then we flew over there and flew back

00:53:13.600 late at night is he a nice dude cool dude he's a really sweet guy it's not constant badass right oh no

00:53:19.920 no well he's also he's also just is he normal uh he's a unique individual he's a really unique

00:53:26.880 individual but is everything badass like if he eats a peanut butter and jelly sandwich is it like in a

00:53:32.960 badass way like what is he like how when does that go away like ever with him and he did you ever see

00:53:37.520 him weep oh never weep i don't think yeah maybe no he like he loves like um kid rock is an interesting

00:53:47.760 dude man he's like he's the kind of guy if you'll go you go do something with him he'll send you a

00:53:53.760 card or a nice picture of like something y'all did together oh that's so sweet um something like that

00:53:58.320 right you're like that sometimes maybe i am you are like that you you you are like that uh i remember

00:54:04.480 when you when you when you did the cruise actually you sent me a gift after oh i did it was the

00:54:08.720 sweetest thing no one's ever done that thanks dude it was so nice sometimes i think i got so busy that

00:54:15.280 i just didn't even know who i am sometimes but um but then bob also would be the uh but then kid

00:54:21.600 rock will also be the kind of guy where if you're in a car like one night we're in a car we were

00:54:24.560 leaving oh you call him bob yeah i was about to ask you like what do you do yeah his real name's bob

00:54:28.080 yeah i know that but i don't know if you call him oh yeah so i call him bob right or somehow it just

00:54:32.160 depends kind of but you do you ever call him kid i call him rock retard half the time okay okay okay

00:54:37.840 and we can beep that out but people know what it is you know um but oh he'll he's the only guy i've

00:54:46.880 ever been with in a car and everybody's chatting and having a good time that's wild bro the only

00:54:53.760 guy you ever move in the car kid wrong yeah just as a craziest uber it's like uber black and then

00:55:00.160 uber dirt lord you know and he comes and gets you uh but he was in the car one time he's like hey

00:55:08.320 can we turn down the radio so we can talk about me that's what he said

00:55:15.120 so he has this other element of look like um like a kanye west thing yeah it's kind of like

00:55:21.440 yeah it's just a cocky thing right yeah so and he he'll be like both of those things but he's

00:55:26.560 tongue-in-cheek about it cocky but he's you can't tell a little bit sometimes all right all right

00:55:31.360 you can't tell a little bit interesting um but a nice guy like if i call i think if i

00:55:36.960 needed something he would be willing to help out you know like what level of needing something like

00:55:42.800 if i needed like to borrow 20 grand or something really oh that's that's that's pretty good yeah but

00:55:51.440 he's also the kind of guy like if i called him i needed something he would you know i think he he's

00:55:55.280 helpful he likes to all like he'll help you think about stuff he's been through a lot you know yeah

00:56:00.720 um have you gotten to see his like white house replica has he shown you that have you been over

00:56:05.360 there there was a white house no it's like the capital of the south i think i was for some reason

00:56:09.680 or another maybe there was an event going on in his compound or something and there was an opportunity

00:56:14.560 for me to go i've never met the guy but i didn't end up going but i thought tyler perry had the white

00:56:18.960 house replica oh maybe he does oh yeah what does bob have that's what bob has to go down one

00:56:23.760 picture wait is that a replica like that you can walk into or a replica like a snow globe replica

00:56:28.080 that's a replica you can walk into the picture to the right is his home um wait the white house is

00:56:33.760 his home yeah wait he lives in a he lives in a replica of the white house if that's the white house

00:56:39.200 i can't i don't know what the white house looks like but that looks like that i think oh then that's

00:56:43.600 that but wait but tyler perry has a i think he has a whatever is he has like a compound that's like

00:56:49.440 oh yeah a state in atlanta a huge statewide like it's like it's like 308 whatever it is and he built

00:56:55.360 a i think a three-fourth identical scale of the white house every room like whatever so that they he

00:57:02.720 and then he lets movie productions film there as the white house wow did you not hear about that i

00:57:07.840 didn't know that is that not a wild endeavor to have somebody rebuild the white house at three-fourth

00:57:13.200 scale to that meticulously well it's like people are like hey does media like what really runs

00:57:19.360 america and if you don't think it's media the fact that somebody rebuild a white house somewhere

00:57:25.200 else right and is using it to shoot it's wild yeah it's media and it's duncan yeah oh yeah it's

00:57:31.920 definitely duncan dude we hope you're enjoying your air canada flight rocky's vacation here we come

00:57:37.920 whoa is this economy free beer wine and snacks sweet fast free wi-fi means i can make dinner

00:57:46.240 reservations before we land and with live tv i'm not missing the game it's kind of like i'm already

00:57:53.040 on vacation nice on behalf of air canada nice travels wi-fi available to airplane members on

00:58:00.400 equipped flights sponsored by bell conditions apply see your canada.com hey fellas i'm gonna need you to

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01:00:51.440 thing that uh that my girl always talks about is um one time we hung out in uh in the city or

01:00:59.200 whatever and then like a couple weeks later or whatever like you left me a message that i played

01:01:03.600 for her that she just she didn't forget and this is a long time ago but you were like hey you know hey

01:01:09.120 you guys i just i want to give you a call see how you're doing like i just uh you were in my heart

01:01:12.960 today is what you said i'll never forget that line he said you guys were in my heart today and i just

01:01:16.880 i just figured i'd give you a call to see how you're doing oh nice i played that for her she she's she

01:01:21.920 already loved you but she was like she never forgot that it's just such a such a gentle sweet thing to

01:01:26.720 to call to see how we're doing just in a general sense but then to say it like that it was like

01:01:31.440 that's that's uh i love you buddy you're you're you're such a big heart yeah thanks dude yeah i think i

01:01:37.360 just have a tough time remembering sometimes that i'm a decent guy is that true yeah why i think i

01:01:44.720 just have a tough time i don't know why i think i have a forgetter i just have this like i have this

01:01:50.960 forgetter inside of me you can stray from like what you know yourself to be like you just kind of have

01:01:57.360 ebbs and flows about how you feel about yourself no just like a reminder it's like um i almost feel

01:02:02.880 like uh like i'll forget that um people know that i care about them right i feel like it's this

01:02:11.600 constant thing you have to remind people about right or they don't know it it's like i didn't

01:02:16.320 understand that if you care about somebody then they will just know that you care about them and

01:02:22.480 that sometimes it's okay to like kind of show it or express it but it doesn't have to be something that

01:02:28.720 you have to like remind people of all the time yeah and i don't know what that was i think it's

01:02:34.240 gotten a little bit better as i've gotten older but i think yeah i think for a while i just didn't

01:02:38.880 know like i would you felt the need to be expressive like you actually it would be on your mind to make

01:02:45.600 sure you would have to express it right because then you thought that they wouldn't know people wouldn't

01:02:51.440 feel it from you or something yeah yeah like as if your feelings weren't real to people all right or

01:02:57.120 something yeah like if i seem like i had a nice time i don't know if they knew it or not okay and

01:03:03.360 so i need to make sure that they knew that had a nice time or if i was thinking about somebody um

01:03:10.560 i needed to i guess let them know maybe or like that if a time meant something to me i don't know

01:03:16.320 and some of that's kind of normal but i think i had this uh i don't know i i can't explain it exactly

01:03:22.640 you know i i'm i am that way but i'm that way like not because i need people to know but because

01:03:29.280 i just not need or want them well i want them to know you know like but not that they not because

01:03:34.880 i think that they don't know if i don't tell them but that's the way i grew up my family and just how

01:03:38.800 i am like i uh i never want to miss a chance to tell someone uh you know anything that i that that

01:03:45.680 i'm thinking about them that i admire them that i love them that like you know any any little thing i i i

01:03:50.720 i'm just i don't hold anything back like that wow it's the best yeah it helps me too because i

01:03:57.440 like i it makes me feel good to tell somebody that that i love them or that i care for them or i'm

01:04:02.160 thinking of them or or i admire them or they're you know anything nice you know like i when i greet

01:04:07.200 people and when i say goodbye it's just like or anything like i just i don't know that's that's

01:04:11.040 just the way i am i don't think i i i don't think i could be another way really you know and yeah you

01:04:16.000 couldn't be you are trapped being a nice guy but that's what i'm saying like i feel that from you

01:04:21.520 yeah i think i just get like i just like i'm self-tormented a lot of times but um but yeah

01:04:26.960 no you always seem like the yeah you seem like just like a little campfire that's allowed to be

01:04:32.160 inside of people's homes you know that's that's that's a did you is that the first time you ever

01:04:37.040 said that yeah yeah really you just conjured that that that metaphor up that well i'm digging

01:04:42.320 i know you're good with words man i know that you are the person that you you're the person i

01:04:46.000 know the most that will say a phrase that i've never heard before i mean off the top of your head

01:04:51.520 man you're i mean you're one of my genius friends that you you have a way with words but that that's

01:04:55.840 a that's such a good that that's like that's a that's merch you're a campfire that's allowed indoors

01:05:01.280 yeah well no that now you switch it you're not like you're a campfire that's allowed indoors seems

01:05:05.840 like a rule i think it's like you're a campfire in people's homes was the oh yeah it's two

01:05:11.440 different things you know we'll have to go back and see exactly what we said but

01:05:16.320 you're a warm you're a warm soul man yeah you are that's that's a great that's what you are yeah yeah

01:05:22.000 yeah i appreciate that when i was a kid i didn't i remember like my kid i used to write postcards

01:05:27.440 all the time to my kids that weren't born yet like because i wanted them to know that i was thinking

01:05:33.680 about them like if that's kind of crazy that's unreal man yeah i think when i was a kid i didn't

01:05:38.480 know if my parents were thinking about me or whatever and so i always grew up with this like

01:05:43.280 uncertainty about it i think and so i didn't even remember this my roommate from when i was like 20

01:05:49.600 was like dude you got these postcards you used to send them to yourself um really send them to your

01:05:54.800 kids you put like unborn kids or something on it you put postage yeah oh i'd put them in the mail

01:06:01.360 they'd be from like other places i was doing comedy at or something really and he goes and you would just say

01:06:06.000 like hey kids i haven't i didn't meet your mother in this city or whatever like just saying what's

01:06:12.400 up i've wrote uh i've written i did that one time for you know i i did that once and wrote something

01:06:18.480 to your future children yes i did yes one time but like yeah i did that um that's that did you really

01:06:23.520 do that yeah i swear to god oh that's that's awesome man that's awesome it was crazy also like

01:06:27.840 because i remember my roommate would be like uh do you have them uh i think i probably had because

01:06:32.800 aren't you gonna he sent me like nine or ten of them because then when you have a kid i'll give

01:06:36.640 them to him yeah but it was it was like like you were just like jokey like i i don't know if i'm

01:06:41.280 gonna meet your mother here or was it like hey one day when i am a dad or when i am your i hope to do

01:06:46.320 like it was it was it like what was the angle i think sometimes i'd put in a little joke you know

01:06:50.320 but it was like hey unborn kid unborn um children uh but it was for you being silly no i was being

01:06:57.840 serious okay okay yeah i didn't realize at the time like now i'm a i i have a better understanding

01:07:04.240 of like how um the exchange of um like uh emotions i guess a little bit more than it yeah at the time

01:07:16.720 i just didn't know i think i i think it went from when i was a kid i didn't know if my parents were

01:07:20.160 thinking of me or whatever and so i was like i want to make sure my kids know i'm thinking of them

01:07:24.320 oh that's heavy but then i'd be like yeah sometimes it would be fun i'd put something

01:07:28.000 funny on there like i didn't meet your mother or i hope i didn't meet your mother in this town

01:07:33.680 yeah you gotta throw a little it's got heart and humor oh yeah sometimes yeah we put some funny

01:07:37.760 stuff in there yeah you just reminded me of this uh when i was younger like one of my first girlfriends

01:07:42.960 that i like was serious with as a kid like my first love kind of thing that kind of thing oh yeah

01:07:47.840 so i thought like i was gonna marry her like it was like you know we dated for years as kids you

01:07:52.000 know like 15 16 to like 20 21 something no way yeah yeah and so i really thought i was gonna marry

01:07:58.960 her like our families were close and uh i i we we said we were gonna and i wanted to and stuff

01:08:04.160 it didn't end well but but uh but so i did this thing i i i wrote her a letter um when i the first

01:08:14.320 time i knew that i i was like in love with her you know it was like not that far into our relationship

01:08:20.400 let's say a year not maybe a year or whatever and we ended up dating like five six years and i

01:08:24.720 wrote her a letter uh to to propose to her to tell her i wanted to marry her and like how i felt about

01:08:31.360 her and to be like i feel this way now and i know one day this is gonna happen but i just want to let

01:08:35.920 you know that i've been feeling it from right now and then i mailed it to myself and i put it was

01:08:40.080 postmarked and it was sealed wow and so i was like when i proposed to her one day oh i'm gonna start

01:08:44.880 with that i'm gonna give her the letter and let her open it and it's kind of the postmark date on it

01:08:48.320 from all the way back then oh that's romantic yeah i don't know why or how i thought of that

01:08:53.520 but i did and i did it and uh i didn't and proposed i did the letter and everything and like you know

01:08:58.320 five years later we broke up or whatever and you know i would call it it was on her uh let's just

01:09:05.120 you know whatever i was yeah it was probably on no i was on her like it was you know whatever

01:09:08.400 whatever right we broke god bless you know but i you know we're kids but uh but i i remember too

01:09:14.320 because it was like uh oh my god dude it was the worst timing it was like a little bit after like

01:09:20.000 um christmas i think or her birthday and i had gotten now dude this is

01:09:26.160 this is oh god what time when this was the 90s it was like the would you get a jet ski or something

01:09:34.640 no that would be great a jet ski i was like no it was like 20 no it was like uh it was like the 90 it

01:09:40.640 must have been like 96 97 maybe something something like that right oh yeah rent rent was

01:09:45.840 the huge broadway musical it was like the it was do you know rent remember rent and you were dating a

01:09:51.120 woman no not even who the broadway musical was oh you're from new york i forget yeah right yeah

01:09:57.360 i've been going to kids plays and music no but that's that's a thing like right oh yeah yeah rent yes

01:10:02.480 they have everything from like the lion you're got the golden ticket that's exactly the right one

01:10:07.360 and uh you know like now like how it's like who's who it's the hot ticket of the president oh hamilton

01:10:12.720 yeah yeah it was like that yeah right then and i spent three hundred dollars and she wanted to see

01:10:19.200 this thing and i spent three back then do you know i was 19 20 whatever three hundred dollars if you

01:10:25.360 were just for inflation now it's like it's one-tenth of your salary yeah it was like twenty thirty

01:10:30.640 thousand dollars oh yeah maybe more and i got these things and i i surprised her with them and

01:10:40.880 it was that night and i called her on the phone and i said to her i got these tickets the rent tickets

01:10:49.280 surprise you know whatever like i got these like it's something she wanted to see for so long it felt

01:10:52.880 like it was like unattainable because it was so expensive oh yeah wow and i got i remember it i was like

01:10:59.760 i told her i was going to surprise her with something and so i got ready i like had it on

01:11:03.680 a button-down shirt like i got like all nice because i was going to pick her up and drive there

01:11:08.240 and go see rent and so i got all ready and i called her and i told i was gonna pick and then i told her

01:11:12.320 i was like you know we're gonna i got tickets to see rent and this wasn't the only time this happened

01:11:18.160 because it was like rocky toward the end like broke up got back broke up but but she broke up with me on

01:11:24.560 the phone no the debt they're like a few hours before rent and i was like i was i mean i was

01:11:33.200 devastated dude right this is worse than the gout dude and um this was like the gout in my body

01:11:40.240 whole body like a gout heart i had gout heart merch that's there's a there's a that's a subsection

01:11:45.760 of the gout merch there's gonna be a gout tab if you have gout in your heart dude you are dead dude

01:11:52.640 my heart needed crutches right and i i'm bawling crying i'm bawling crying and which borough were you

01:11:58.960 in i was in staten island oh thank god okay and then so so rent is now at eight o'clock it's like

01:12:08.640 like it's like 3 30 and i was like i i spent my life savings on these tickets yeah so dude i got in

01:12:17.600 my old beat-up car all dressed up and i drove to the theater crying oh i paid to park and i was like

01:12:27.600 laughing about something else no no no no please you know i know you would never laugh at this and

01:12:31.680 um dude i but you know when you when you cry so hard that you look like you got punched in the face

01:12:36.960 dude like like out like my eyes were like like i look like the photo of me that became a meme

01:12:41.920 like i wasn't that heavy but my face just blew up like i was when you cry so hard that it looks like

01:12:47.760 you got straight up punched in the eyes that's how i got out of the car and and my goal was not to see

01:12:56.080 rent i couldn't do it i've never seen it i i was too i'll tell you and i never saw sleepers in seattle

01:13:01.520 because she had she ended up she ended up going on a date with a guy who took her to see sleepers

01:13:06.560 in seattle and it broke my heart and so i never saw it to this day i mean a nora efron classic tom

01:13:11.040 actually would think i would see it i still to this day now i i would see it now doesn't bother me but

01:13:15.360 i just i kind of like think it's fun that i haven't yes but i and then i i was like how do i so then i was

01:13:20.320 like i gotta scalp these because like i i couldn't eat the tickets yeah and i wasn't gonna go with

01:13:24.640 sitting there next to a blank next to an empty seat and cry through rent so i'm standing outside

01:13:30.560 i'm like 19 years old my face is puffed out yeah i still have i'm crying there i'm crying trying to

01:13:36.000 scalp i had two rent tickets in my hand i i i was in a black button-down shirt i was crying and people

01:13:43.280 were going into rent and i was like excuse me and let me tell you something those scalpers i give them

01:13:47.040 respect because people don't even want to they don't give you the time of day you know i was a young

01:13:52.480 kid i was dressed respectively i'm right in front i got two tickets in hand i'm not gonna kill you

01:13:56.400 i'm not gonna run they it was like crip tonight is that something sick person yeah if they were all

01:14:01.920 superman yeah and i'm crying and which also probably in hindsight looked really weird like here's a young

01:14:07.840 boy crying yeah you know right outside of red and just saying i'll give him to you for 280 instead of

01:14:14.000 300 like i don't even know if that was a deal or not dude it was so sad and then um what i ended up

01:14:20.320 doing was after it was like everyone rejected me and was like almost start gonna begin oh yeah and

01:14:25.840 i was like now i'm like i i didn't know what to do if i lost that kind of money you know like i was

01:14:31.360 like it would have been so sad so i went to the box office and i pleaded with them and i just said my

01:14:36.400 girl i said everything i was talking to the box office lady she was like 80 i was like telling her

01:14:40.400 my life story i'm like she broke up over the phone i was like i i've been i've been i'm keeping this a

01:14:44.480 sacred you know like and she goes all right here's what i'll do i'm not supposed to do this

01:14:49.440 she's like but the next people that walk up to buy tickets because it was sold out she's like i'll

01:14:53.280 refer them to you whatever and these two women walked up and she referred them to me and i don't

01:14:57.920 know i don't remember exactly what i got for them it wasn't full price but i i was able to unload those

01:15:04.320 and um did you feel any better after you sold them no no not at all i didn't see rent i took a hit

01:15:11.680 on the money and uh and she was still gone and where'd you park uh let me tell you something

01:15:18.160 i parked uh you know in that area there's a lot of parking garages nearby so i wasn't too far but

01:15:22.880 they get you they get you so i was saying they get you you go to a broadway show you're it's like

01:15:27.520 maybe a four hours total it's like eighty dollars now that's rent that's rent yeah they charge you

01:15:33.520 rent yeah they do it's insane so anyway so after she broke up with me i told her

01:15:40.320 about the letter about the letter oh yeah i would do that kind of stuff to show how romantic i

01:15:47.520 am it wasn't spiteful or anything no no just like i was like but you don't understand like

01:15:51.840 from five years ago i thought you know like i can't believe this and i guess she was she was

01:15:58.640 i guess she i don't remember her exact reality i think she was moved by it she must have been moved

01:16:05.280 by it i have to i have to really think on it because i know i told her but i just gotta i can't call it

01:16:09.680 the moment it's been so long since i spoke oh yeah but check this out about

01:16:15.920 i call it

01:16:19.600 three two three years later i was in the workforce now i was out of college so was she i mean and i was uh

01:16:28.640 i used to work at prudential securities and i was at a desk right i had like a at a college you know and

01:16:34.160 uh i got an email from her and uh she said can you give me a call or whatever at her office so

01:16:40.160 i called her and she goes hey listen i just want you to know um there was this there was this site

01:16:46.960 called i think it was called daily candy i guess it was like a daily blog or whatever i don't know what

01:16:51.200 it was about she said and uh they were uh doing a contest um

01:16:57.440 um where uh you submit submit the most if you got if you're married submit your engagement story

01:17:05.200 and the most romantic would win and she goes and so i submitted what you did for me oh she didn't

01:17:13.920 send my letter in but she told the whole story but as we as if we got married because it you had to be

01:17:20.080 the married person so you know so she said i i said that i am married and this is what my you know

01:17:25.360 what my how my husband proposed and she won the contest and they gave her a five thousand dollar

01:17:32.240 shopping spree and she called me up and said do you want to split it do you want like to do some

01:17:40.640 of the shopping spree with me and i was like no i don't want to i don't want to do it half the shopping spree

01:17:46.560 i was like like i don't think i was i wasn't like i was still like mad but i was still hurt

01:17:53.440 you know and i was like you know what it was i was more like that's fucked up actually yeah like you

01:18:00.080 you didn't experience this right you we didn't experience it like i was i thought we were gonna

01:18:04.960 we didn't we didn't and now you're profiting off of it it's a lie dude i was like you just like

01:18:12.080 like if you i mean how like wouldn't you not want to do that because like you you you broke up with

01:18:18.400 me like so why use that story and and she won wouldn't you know because of your work yeah and i

01:18:26.080 was like no you take it you know and i but in my in my in my head i was like i think it's kind of

01:18:30.560 messed up that you submitted that yeah at least from you know for me to hear it oh yeah it hurts a

01:18:35.840 little bit oh but that's a letter i wrote to the future you know you know i know you're romantic

01:18:42.960 you're a romantic sound i was a very um salvatore how can you not be romantic with that name

01:18:49.200 oh yeah is your family full italian half yeah yeah my dad is italian my mom is puerto rican and cuban

01:18:56.400 oh wow yeah i don't know if you want to add this in there but it looks like you spent about the

01:19:01.360 equivalent of 720 in 2024 yeah maybe just pull that chart up

01:19:08.400 you just did let's adjust the value of uh of the rent tickets and your love at the time

01:19:17.200 1990 when was it 90 it was 90 i want i'm gonna call it 96. okay 300 and then now 600 yep

01:19:25.760 it's not jump chains man and then how much was five thousand dollars i guess double right

01:19:30.800 be ten thousand yeah right the shopping spree she won i mean that's that's basically gonna keep the

01:19:35.360 same right yeah even if it was two or three years later yeah pretty close so we're double we're

01:19:39.360 basically 28 years later we are double wow and we doubled up i remember like uh i broke up with my

01:19:46.720 girlfriend and then i tried to learn like she was like learning french or something so i tried to learn

01:19:51.120 french in like three weeks or whatever and like how'd you do that rosetta stone or like uh i got

01:19:58.320 a book or something it was like uh french burles french or something and so i start learning and

01:20:05.840 my parents like what are you doing like you just learn in individual words that that's not teaching

01:20:10.240 you syntax or anything is it it's not teaching you like grammar like grammar look homie i was crying in

01:20:16.640 my backyard smoking newports okay it's just like we we like just like i couldn't think of another

01:20:25.360 french word but like you're like baguette you end up going to her and be like i learned french like

01:20:31.440 napoleon you know like but definitely i like bonsoir like how old were you like 24 i love that i love

01:20:41.120 the idea like this will get her back oh that's what i thought i just dropped some pepe lepe on that

01:20:45.680 that's what i thought i made up like this story about us going like sailing or something i made

01:20:51.280 this like little sailboat like dude it was the whole thing wait how old are you huh uh 10

01:21:01.040 a story about you guys sailing who knows dude i don't remember what happened dude there was a lot of

01:21:05.680 different things going on in the area at the time but i do remember oh this is so gay uh g-a-y i don't

01:21:14.960 want to say it but uh because actually gay dudes don't even do that kind of this is like kind of

01:21:22.560 shakespearean sadness but then i remember dude i hitchhiked so i went to a sailing thing

01:21:31.600 in biloxi mississippi right and my ex-girlfriend had moved up to charleston south carolina and when

01:21:38.960 i'm there there's some guys that are there who were from the sailing team of college of charleston

01:21:43.840 so i told my friend who i went there with i was like i these guys said they'll give me a ride to

01:21:50.560 charleston i'm gonna roll with them right and she's like what and i was like yeah she's like

01:21:56.640 we're in biloxi she's like it's like a 10 hour drive i was like i know but i gotta wait so you

01:22:03.440 hitched a ride to biloxi i hitched a ride charleston sailors i hitched a ride to charleston from biloxi

01:22:09.360 oh okay so i'm right so in so in biloxi i meet some people uh that are sailing from charleston i

01:22:15.040 hitch a ride back to charleston with these guys that i met you're like the mom and home alone like

01:22:20.000 driving with john candy in the polka bay you're like i gotta get there i gotta see my son bro i

01:22:28.400 end up we pull up there like 1 a.m probably into charleston i end up i knew her my ex-girlfriend

01:22:34.320 this is i think a crime but uh i knew where she lived i go to her place i'm on the porch of her home

01:22:40.960 petting somebody's cat out there and thank god a floodlight came on and kind of like

01:22:46.800 knocked me into my senses i wasn't gonna go inside everything i was just like seeing where she

01:22:50.480 lived which sounds like oh she doesn't know you were there yeah i don't know oh you didn't i you

01:22:55.360 didn't uh announce yourself it was what but we but we then you what did you made a u-turn she

01:23:03.440 you saw the next day i went back to those guys place and crashed on their couch for a couple days and

01:23:07.520 then she and i finally met up like a week later she did not want to see me okay but your intention was

01:23:12.240 to see her and you saw her i saw her a week later so you posted at the time i was just i guess i was

01:23:18.560 just you posted up in charleston for like i ended up staying there for like six months so then we kind

01:23:24.000 of fell out of each other and then i had yeah then you just left in charleston yeah i had a great time

01:23:28.640 loved it there did you really yeah you i think i stayed there for a year are you like a nomad you

01:23:34.800 roam from place to place in search of food and water i could have at the time and then once podcasting

01:23:39.520 started i had to be in a place that it had to be more substantial but this but you know but before

01:23:45.600 that my math is off once podcasting oh but you you pre-podcast you felt like you could you could

01:23:51.760 wherever you set your bags down yeah i was a little never do that really no i'm the opposite man i wish

01:23:57.440 i could i wish i could i go on vacation yeah that's about it i can't i can't i can't uh i don't know man

01:24:04.320 i'm so rooted and it's something i'm working on in therapy i i i i have attachments i have a

01:24:11.280 you know i i don't know i don't like change and i i have attachments and stuff and i just can't pick

01:24:17.120 up and leave like that i can't relocate i feel like anchored to where i'm from uh i don't know if it's a

01:24:23.440 good thing you know but i don't know if it's a bad thing though yeah yeah you know to know yeah it's

01:24:28.000 like because you have so much joy and love there's sometimes you can go to another place and

01:24:31.520 i don't know and also at the time i was younger it was easier to do that kind of stuff yeah yeah

01:24:37.280 that's true for sure we do you remember your first girlfriend like a kid like no i guess not a kid

01:24:41.840 oh yeah but yeah my first real girlfriend wasn't that till that till 15 but i remember like being a

01:24:46.240 little kid i remember i used to live in this like these garden apartments right and so like uh i mean

01:24:52.480 from like from like grammar school that kind of age like so i was little like from like zero to you

01:24:58.000 know whatever like 10 and it was in its own complex so all the kids from all the buildings

01:25:03.920 we all grew up together and we we were there young enough so that we were allowed to be because all the

01:25:09.040 buildings like were surrounded like a courtyard parking lot pool like in the middle and so like

01:25:15.920 our parents were like you can hang out anywhere in in the in the property yeah out of the property

01:25:20.560 which was kind of cool because we had more um autonomy than we should have at that age because you

01:25:26.320 were kind of caged in right but but then you know yeah so it's kind of cool but yeah but we all grew

01:25:32.800 up together there and um i must have been i'll call it like like fifth grade maybe yeah and uh it was

01:25:41.600 summer yeah and we had a pool a pool area there for the residents right and i remember like it was just

01:25:47.760 one of those summers where we were talking about before how salt like when you were a kid time went so

01:25:51.040 slow which i want to touch on that because i have a theory about that because if you did if you took

01:25:56.960 away your phone and your internet and your car you know what i'm saying and and and and you didn't have

01:26:02.240 a job and then you just had to find time in the day like you basically reduce yourself to the options

01:26:08.320 you had then i think that we could slow time in a way you know what i mean time is it only gets faster

01:26:13.600 and faster it's burning for me right now but like you know get up at eight go outside come back in at

01:26:20.000 six yeah you know and then see how long the days feel and i've been having such a hard time with how

01:26:26.240 fast i think life is going right now especially because i hit an age where like i'm for the first

01:26:30.720 time i see my i look older that's the first time it registered with me you don't you feel it until you

01:26:34.800 feel it and then it's too late yeah and then my my parents you know i see them you know and so like

01:26:39.440 for me right now i'm going through that like really like i'm having that like existential thing

01:26:43.200 going on and so i've been given this thought and i was like why did time feel so slow back then you

01:26:48.560 know and i you know i thought i was i i like daydreaming but i'm like i'm literally like i

01:26:53.280 want to just do a thing where i like just go stop working you know and then just like don't don't don't

01:27:01.360 use the internet and i just want to like get up and go out and just spend my days like i was if i was a

01:27:06.240 kid like try that for like a month and just see if it feels like everything just slows down yeah and

01:27:14.320 what that does to my psyche and my my day-to-day and you know i really want to like but anyway that's

01:27:19.120 i mean i really do feel like it was like i remember just being like you came back at six o'clock it felt

01:27:22.960 like you went on a pilgrimage and that was daily you know what i mean and you really are much more

01:27:28.080 in touch with yourself you know and you're you're really spending these this quality time with these

01:27:33.040 kids all day long and it's just like i don't know man it just was like oh things had more value then

01:27:39.280 for sure because you did them you experienced them now we consume so many experiences and just have

01:27:47.600 less of them i think and yeah point um that everything's on to that i mean it's just buzz

01:27:53.920 buzz but next thing next thing a point we call this idea you know it's just it's just non-stop you know

01:27:58.320 oh the times where you would sit i remember just laying in my bed just like thinking about a girl

01:28:05.920 or something that didn't even exist thinking yes you're just laying there thinking yeah no who's

01:28:09.920 thinking name 30 people that are thinking right right now yeah it's probably not i don't think anyone

01:28:16.960 is really everybody is reacting sitting down thinking yeah i daydream about just getting i just want to

01:28:22.320 move to the country like not even like a like sure more part i want a porch and i want to sit on the

01:28:27.520 porch all day long and think that's what i want to do i really i swear to god dude i've come this

01:28:33.600 close to almost doing that just leaving this life that is kind of like this career life you know or

01:28:38.400 just like dude or just at least going like six months on six months off yeah like i really think you could

01:28:44.080 i don't know but i i'm romanticizing it right now yeah you know i grew up in the city and like oh i have

01:28:48.960 six jobs you know like you you know we it's a hustle what we you know as you if you hustle you have to

01:28:53.760 hustle you know what i mean it's just like i don't know like i'm just so tired of like even when i do

01:28:59.280 allow myself like all right up the afternoon like the morning i'm not gonna look at my phone

01:29:03.840 or like if i if i let's say i go away on vacation you know if i do and it's like three or four days

01:29:09.520 i'm like i want to stay off the grid i have this anxiety of all the things that people are waiting on

01:29:14.880 answers for that are piling up that's what might be important or like god forbid someone needs my help

01:29:19.840 or like you know whatever and that when i get back i think about the hole i'm gonna have to dig

01:29:24.080 out that because it's key it's piling up and i can't even enjoy the off the grit days because i'm

01:29:29.280 like i'm gonna get slaughtered if i don't at least mitigate it a little while i'm on vacation when i

01:29:34.160 come back i can't dig out of it dude i don't know how you are but right now look how many text messages

01:29:39.600 i have unanswered right there oh my gosh that's insane look at the miss calls oh my god i can't live

01:29:46.640 like this who are you i don't know you got that too right i mean you can't possibly i just changed

01:29:51.360 my number dude yeah i know because i was texting you and i was like oh shit you ain't getting back

01:29:55.840 to me the other day the worst part some kid the other day sends a thing i guess he got my phone

01:30:02.240 number right okay so he's like some guy from berlin or somewhere some other country maybe africa

01:30:09.760 he gets my number and he's like i got a burner phone for three weeks it must be theo von's phone

01:30:14.640 number he's like so far i've talked to mgk and jordan peterson that's what he said because people

01:30:21.040 were texting him texting him he just thought it was still me no shit dude i just forgot to i literally

01:30:25.280 told probably 15 people closest in my life and then i was like i'm gonna shut my life down bro i just

01:30:33.200 couldn't handle anything anymore i so understand dude because you know you know i will tell you though

01:30:38.000 because that because when i went to text you last i like you know whenever it was like a few couple

01:30:43.040 months ago whatever what it was there was the last time i texted you and i guess in the interim

01:30:48.240 you read and i was looked at it and it was a voice note and i was like oh and i just i i played it

01:30:54.080 it was a while back but i i played it and it was like this voice note i left you that was like kind of

01:30:58.720 like um it was like uh like not sentimental but it was like nice message yeah it was like it was like

01:31:05.840 a message like it's kind of like the one you left me yeah like i'm thinking about you i just you know

01:31:10.480 i hope you're doing well man like i'm always like you know i know you're always on the go like i just

01:31:13.760 it was like a you know whole and i listened to it i started cracking up because i was like i forgot

01:31:18.240 i left but i was like he didn't even answer that i was like no but i'm like but not because you didn't

01:31:22.400 answer because i was like look i haven't answered 200 you know what i mean but i was like oh shit dude

01:31:26.800 that's like so funny i gotta tell him and then you when you change your number i was like oh he never

01:31:30.160 even he never probably even got it never got it yeah but it's all right yeah that's the worst part

01:31:35.520 the the the world knows i left like the i left it i left that message thanks so you know you know

01:31:41.600 yeah some kid in berlin is probably decoding it right now no but uh so oh no so i lived in this

01:31:50.000 compound right so that summer everybody was like everybody had like crushes and was getting

01:31:53.680 girlfriends and stuff like all my friends pressure suddenly yeah like and it's that young kind of

01:31:58.880 like sandlot kind of thing kind of oh yeah you know what i mean and you'd hear like samantha likes randy first

01:32:03.760 of all i didn't know who samantha was right and i didn't know who fucking randy was right and when

01:32:07.200 i found out i could tell you right now randy didn't deserve some yeah why i deserve you know

01:32:11.840 what i mean but even if i didn't even know who they were if i just heard that sentence

01:32:15.760 samantha likes randy i was like oh my god dude we gotta get somebody to like us left out yeah

01:32:23.040 dude i felt so left out and so i was i got to the point where i went up to the went up in the

01:32:27.760 and it was midday the pool's open all day it's midday and i just felt like i was trying

01:32:32.960 i was like midday midday uh i went up and uh i was i was like sad and my mom was like what's

01:32:38.480 the matter what grade i was in yeah it was probably about fourth or fifth fifth and uh

01:32:45.040 i actually was like everybody's got girlfriends like nobody likes me i was like crying and stuff

01:32:50.000 and i'm like i don't know and she's like what's the matter i'm like no everybody has a girlfriend

01:32:53.120 i don't have a girlfriend or whatever i'll never forget what my mom did she's so sweet i got a

01:32:57.600 reminder of this i don't know if she knows this or remembers this so i was crying so she comforted me

01:33:01.600 and she's like you can you can get a girlfriend too you just didn't meet the you know the right

01:33:05.840 girl yet or whatever and i'm like yeah but he i was naming her like matt has a girlfriend jason has

01:33:10.880 a girlfriend and i'm like they're out there like and nobody likes me and she's like you can get a

01:33:15.200 girlfriend she's like we're gonna get you a girlfriend so she makes me put on like a like

01:33:19.600 a nice outfit right then in the middle of day in the summer that day when i went i remember what i

01:33:24.160 put on i put on like i put on these gray dark gray jeans yeah capizio there's a leather black

01:33:31.280 leather shoes that michael jackson used to wear capizio i think they were called capizios bring

01:33:35.520 them up bring them up and uh i got those because i was obsessed with michael jackson so i had capizio

01:33:40.560 these were like special date like easter shoes yeah so i put on my easter capizio i put on like

01:33:45.520 dark gray and i put on this like mock white like cream turtleneck kind of shirt oh my god this gets

01:33:52.000 worse huh yeah yeah yeah but also better yeah yeah so and then i put jewelry on you know oh and

01:33:58.400 so i didn't really have jewelry and so my mom gave me like a gold chain of hers and i put on my mom's

01:34:04.480 gold chain and she put i she's like you're gonna go out you're gonna dress up so i put on this outfit

01:34:11.040 i put on the gold chain she sprays me with her perfume because i didn't have cologne she's like a

01:34:17.040 little cologne and she's like look it's like cologne and she's like put on whatever she had i don't

01:34:20.800 know i would guess i was wearing like chanel or whatever the hell i don't even know what it was

01:34:23.840 and she gave me five bucks and she's like when the ice cream man comes you just go up to a girl

01:34:28.960 that you like ask if you want to you know to buy her ice cream or whatever like that and my mom sent

01:34:33.120 me out and i went out with like women's cologne my mom's chained five dollars and capizios and i was

01:34:37.840 like just circling the pool area like looking for a girlfriend oh yeah wow that's so romantic and

01:34:45.040 that's how you ended up being a pimp basically yeah that's basically how i ended up being yeah a pimp yeah

01:34:49.280 gosh dude that's so romantic i ended up buying five girls five ice creams and then they were

01:34:54.400 in my stable after that i whip them with the now it's pretty sad now that i think about it yeah

01:35:02.720 but what a beautiful about it mom the mom was beautiful that's beautiful great choice yeah it

01:35:07.680 is you're right it is beautiful but i really felt sad then that was like the foreshadowing of like the

01:35:12.640 feeling i had with the rent yeah yeah i was i don't know my best friend got all the girls when we were like

01:35:18.720 at kids or whatever so i'd always be like running the notes for him and that sort of guy you know

01:35:24.080 but you got you but you're popular with the ladies i started getting dates um probably later in high

01:35:30.640 school yeah you know i got a girlfriend pretty quick yeah but then i always kind of felt uh

01:35:36.960 you always kind of feel a certain way though i was kind of too sentimental i think at times and

01:35:42.160 shit i don't know you but you you don't think like the women didn't girls didn't like respond to

01:35:47.760 your you have a gentle way about you uh nope no they weren't into that really they would like a

01:35:54.160 tougher guy you know it was just like young southern kind of you know there wasn't a lot of like you

01:36:00.560 know there was like the drama you know there was like yeah it was just you know it wasn't bad but it

01:36:07.040 just wasn't like um i mean i remember when i was younger they locked me in this room with this girl

01:36:12.960 she had a chipped tooth pretty badly um yeah she had that that lloyd chris a little bit yeah that's

01:36:20.000 bad that's bad it's a lot for a kid i chipped my tooth on a miller high life once oh making a joke

01:36:26.800 i went to take a swig on it for comedic effect and i hit it and i chipped my tooth i chipped like i would

01:36:31.600 call it less than five percent yeah and i couldn't that's the only thing i looked at when i looked at

01:36:36.320 my face for a decade after that so a third dude i remember one time somebody came in the room i think

01:36:42.160 i was either jerking off or just pretending i was jerking off right and i went like that and

01:36:49.360 chipped my own tooth what room huh what room a room room in your home or a room in like school

01:36:55.760 a room in a home my home or somebody else's home okay

01:36:58.400 okay and that'd be well that's that's fascinating if you felt comfortable to masturbate in someone

01:37:03.360 else's home and i went like that and then okay so now where you chipped on your dick oh i

01:37:09.440 what did you chip it on it's just on the bottom tooth just i i just like you your tooth chipped your

01:37:16.080 own tooth yeah i was so oh my god it's like a civil war in your mouth yeah and then i like

01:37:20.160 like you know it's like you know did you stay the course no way dude i'm crazy you think i'm

01:37:28.240 jerking off with a chipped tooth no that would that would be crazy it's just the fact that you

01:37:32.240 were in someone else's house like i'm some kind of homeless person hell no dude i only jerk myself

01:37:39.440 off if i have a fucking you couldn't you weren't good enough for yourself after you chipped it no i'm

01:37:43.920 like i ain't jerking off i mean you do it feverishly then yeah this guy with a chipped tooth usually

01:37:48.080 you're a spirited masturbator then i don't know you're chipping teeth oh that's it well i think

01:37:52.240 i was just i was like so shocked that somebody had come in the room you know i don't remember

01:37:57.200 exactly what happened but i've chipped my teeth a lot over the years really yeah well the microphone

01:38:01.360 you hit those a lot oh i hate that and that'll bounce and people can hear that too and they're

01:38:05.680 all like i've done it i haven't chipped but i've done and every time i hit it i go oh no and i

01:38:10.480 feel it right there because i'm like please no but wait so what happened with the girl it's the one

01:38:14.080 third oh yeah people locked us in a room and made us kiss each other whatever

01:38:17.760 more kids i don't remember if we kissed or not i think we did people like neighbors other kids

01:38:22.960 you know other kids because i'm going to say this is bordering on something that sounds not good yeah

01:38:28.320 you know it was on the up and up no nothing like sexual just like they you know you better get in

01:38:32.400 there and kiss you little queers or whatever they would call us you know and then we had another

01:38:36.800 family that's protestant but she was a girl oh yeah she was a girl and they still called you queers

01:38:41.440 and her brother tough town yeah it was just and she had a short haircut okay okay and you had a long

01:38:46.800 one yeah and people like now it's making sense yeah yeah like you gay kids better get in there

01:38:55.040 but uh and then what else was there any good love stories and everybody we had a lady that would

01:39:00.160 always be drunk and her husband i think was gone or missing or whatever and she would like be just

01:39:06.400 drinking and laying on her corvette just like this was an older lady like a miss robinson yeah trying to

01:39:14.080 be like oh yeah like this vet uh she would just be saying that to nobody we're like what is this

01:39:22.400 lady doing dude just and she was like i think kind of a tramp or whatever but then we had this other

01:39:28.480 guy he was kind of like a homoerotic kid or whatever and he might have been like a young man but

01:39:34.400 he would always like it was unclear we would do like the navy and his they had like a big bathtub

01:39:40.480 and he would have us pretend like we're in the navy or whatever and like swim around in his tub or

01:39:44.800 whatever but he wouldn't do anything he was just like an older kid and he had like used hairspray and

01:39:49.520 stuff so he was like i think he didn't know that if he was gay or not but he was gay you know

01:39:55.520 and he would have us do the navy or whatever it is how do you do the navy huh how do you do the navy

01:40:00.400 you just swim until somebody yells and fucking throws something at you how many kids are in the

01:40:06.080 tub probably three kids did you and were you in were you clothed i mean it was bumper to bumper in

01:40:13.760 there it was there's not a lot of room in the tub you know i think we had our underpants it was

01:40:18.720 it was submarine there was like a submarine yeah yeah it was like yeah it was like buds or whatever i

01:40:23.280 don't know what that what that thing is that guys go through but yeah a lot of just just some navy

01:40:28.880 action yeah just kids being yeah just like when you're at home during this just like a lot of

01:40:33.200 that summertime stuff like what are we going to do all day and then other kids parents are going to

01:40:36.960 end up doing we you know just being around like the days would get so long because then you'd have

01:40:41.600 a friend that went to summer camp and you didn't go to summer camps you would just be literally

01:40:45.360 laying face down on the sofa at home yeah the tv's going yeah and you have nothing but just nothing

01:40:51.680 nothing i remember we used to play like uh we called it manhunt you know what that is uh i don't know

01:40:56.800 it sounds like the navy that i was in yeah it was like outside like almost like tech like teams of

01:41:02.320 like whatever it's just five kids and five kids right against and so basically one team goes out

01:41:06.960 and hides and the other team says job to capture all of them and there was like you know a home base and

01:41:12.560 there was like where they locked you up and so we we would have the whole apartment complex and there

01:41:18.400 was hills and grass there was some things in it so we would go out and play manhunt all day and it

01:41:23.600 it was so intense that like there was a time where like we split up and used to hide i did i

01:41:28.400 got so into it i used to put like on camouflage and i used to like burrow under bushes really yeah

01:41:34.640 we got that intense with it you think that perfume would give you away

01:41:40.320 i'm so yeah it's like there he is i smell lilac uh i remember one time i went under this bush up on

01:41:46.000 this little like hill like and i mean if you could find a good spot great and you stayed there and you

01:41:51.920 would hear like you would hear like screaming and running like in you know and you would oh

01:41:56.240 he's getting caught and then you would have to come out and if they were in the jail you can if you got

01:42:01.520 there and tagged them you would free them again but if you got caught like now it's high stakes right

01:42:06.240 because if you let's say three three of people are your friends are pow's right and now you got to go

01:42:11.760 get now there's five people still searching for only two of you and like now they got people guarding the

01:42:17.920 jail so they're hunting you down and now you got to get past that guy who's already guarding it and

01:42:22.720 then when once he yells it's a swarm so it's like really it really like you had to get strategy with

01:42:26.880 you know so i would commit to it so one time i dug on i mean i went under a bush dude and i put like

01:42:32.800 dirt i was like and i was looking and 20 minutes 30 minutes 40 minutes hour was easy i'm talking like

01:42:41.520 dude i'm talking like two plus hours wow and i stopped hearing everybody and like i was like

01:42:48.240 do i come out like i don't i don't like this is a great spot it was i swear to god it was getting

01:42:53.120 dark out and that's what i was like i don't hear anybody is getting dark like and so i came out it

01:42:57.200 was like two two and a half hours i was i was under there so behind who has the time to lay in the

01:43:03.680 dirt for two and a half hours just to play a game this is what i want to go back to but uh i came out and

01:43:09.600 i start looking for them and i can't even find them doing it and we live in these apartments

01:43:13.520 and i live on the second floor my friend lived on the first floor and i said i'm just going to go

01:43:17.120 home and i start to go home and i hear i hear people i hear no i hear people and they're all

01:43:22.800 singing happy birthday and i hear like and it's coming from the first floor of my friend's house

01:43:27.200 one of my best friend's house that lives like all the windows open i'm like what the hell and i look

01:43:30.640 in everybody's in there for a birthday party oh just having a birthday party they're already at the cake

01:43:35.520 they're already at the cake and i was just in the dirt for two and a half hours just like hoping

01:43:39.440 not to get caught by by these and the crazy part was there was nobody to tell that story to it's

01:43:46.240 just like you get inside it's like do you want some cake guys like you usually like all right we're

01:43:51.360 calling it yeah you know what i mean but yeah a lot of bad intel it was a different time yeah dude it

01:43:58.720 was like i mean i had nothing i used to come home one one time we moved i moved in my grandparents

01:44:02.720 when i was uh around just after fifth fifth grade and i moved in my grandparents and then

01:44:07.360 i moved away from those people and they didn't live in the best neighborhood and so we weren't

01:44:10.960 really allowed to go outside it was like a really bad neighbor like you would hear like gunshots and

01:44:14.000 stuff oh yeah like just in the summer they never we didn't have air conditioning so like we had all

01:44:17.360 the windows open and you just hear like pop pop pop like you just it was normal but um my grandparents

01:44:23.360 lived there for like 50 60 years you know and so uh we lived downstairs for them for a bit when we're

01:44:28.320 trying to get uh you get our footing or whatever and um and i had nobody it was just me and my

01:44:34.240 sister right so i'd get home from school and like i had not like nothing and i just would like whatever

01:44:38.800 like that's why how i was beating mike tyson like like one hand behind my back but uh but i remember

01:44:44.000 one time i was i was like maybe i'll get a pet so i used to i don't know if you ever had these county

01:44:51.920 like these fairs or these festivals at your school yeah yeah yeah we did they would like come like

01:44:57.760 confetti eggs and stuff we would have different things like they would come like carny like it

01:45:01.040 would open up the truck it was like a ferris wheel and like a little like they would come for

01:45:04.080 like a few days like a mini little uh what do you call like not carnival but like a you know like

01:45:09.280 a fair a fair yeah we just had a carny in here actually which is pretty cool but we yeah yeah we

01:45:13.680 had fairs too oh really yeah i can't never tell if you're joking oh we had a carny in here

01:45:20.800 you said that we had a car how did you uh we had a carny in here actually how'd you book one uh we just

01:45:26.000 searched for him ah we searched for him we found a decent guy but um yeah but they had fairs too

01:45:30.960 yeah we had yeah i know what you're talking about so so we had these fairs you had it would come to

01:45:34.880 your school yeah they would post up in the parking lot and it was also a way for the school to raise

01:45:39.280 money because it would also be like casino night in the at the church so like the parents they would

01:45:43.840 get you know so it was like but they had those games that you i would come home with like a stuff

01:45:48.000 down you know whatever and uh they had this thing we threw a a ping pong bowl in the goldfish and he's

01:45:53.680 little oh yeah you know there was like maybe a a grid like 20 by 20 grid of these little bowls with

01:45:59.760 goldfish in them and then it was like it was like 50 cents you threw a ball if a ping pong ball landed

01:46:04.720 in the thing they bagged up the goldfish for you and they gave it to you yeah they shouldn't be doing

01:46:08.480 that i mean if you think people don't give goldfish any respect at all like they're just as good as

01:46:13.760 nothing they're like ants like you know it's it's not fair people eat them and throw them back up like

01:46:18.080 steve you know but but goldfish get a really bad they're really born into a bad life if you think

01:46:23.760 about it they don't have a memory they don't they a lot of them are used just to feed other fish it's

01:46:28.160 almost sex trafficked almost it's really bad sex yeah yes and if you're a goldfish i mean i don't know

01:46:34.000 man i just a goldfish is a terrible life you get split from your family you know you don't even

01:46:38.720 know your family is you don't know who your family you get immediately put you either live alone for

01:46:43.840 your whole life or you get thrown in with people you don't want to be with yeah you know and then

01:46:48.160 you usually die of an infection you know your eye is like has a big freaking like cotton ball on it or

01:46:54.800 something like that and like and you die slow yeah nobody knew how to reverse a goldfish death when i

01:46:59.760 was young you got it and then when it started to die you're like oh there's the white stuff a couple

01:47:03.520 weeks now he's got a couple and then like you just walk you'd still feed him and you just watch him

01:47:08.240 with like one flipper you'd stare at this thing looking at you like i am i have been dying for two

01:47:13.520 weeks you know so as a matter of fact i guess so i i would get them and bring them home and like

01:47:20.000 oh this is going to be like i'll pass the time i have something to take care of now yeah my my mom

01:47:25.440 never knew i never got the setup she never got me a tank a filtration system i didn't know you needed

01:47:31.440 a filtration yeah i did not know because when you threw the ball in the thing there was no filtration

01:47:35.600 and they just threw them in that water well you know they that water has to be cycled and filtered

01:47:39.840 whatever those are all goners and they had if the ping pong ball don't hit they're dying anyway

01:47:44.480 right it's like a kill shelter basically for fish right and so i would bring them home and i would

01:47:49.200 put them in a salad bowl i just fill up tap water throw them in a salad bowl i'm like this is like

01:47:53.520 oh italians thinking you solve anything you're supposed to throw it in a salad bowl dude dude i just i was

01:47:59.120 like this is his biggest it's eight times bigger than where he came from he's like the jeffesons right

01:48:03.200 he's moving on up this thing i'm in a big salad bowl right and i would just bread it was white

01:48:10.400 bread i would just put white bread in there and i was like because i'm a kid what are you making a

01:48:15.200 sandwich dude i when i when we were a kid and we went fishing at the lake we would we would ball up

01:48:20.320 wonder bread till it became like a like a boy a little nugget and put it in and then put it on the

01:48:24.240 hook and we did it with wonder bread so so i would just feed it one bread and you know it wasn't until

01:48:28.320 way after that i realized like the fish would eat like i would break it and throw it in chunks and it

01:48:32.320 would suck it right in and then shoot it right back out you know some of them wouldn't come back

01:48:37.520 out but most of them would shoot back out yeah and i'd be like i just was like he's full yeah but i

01:48:42.800 guess he just didn't want white bread they can take it in yeah so i would so they would always die oh so

01:48:49.360 i felt so bad so then i realized one day like i was like the fish store because it was a there was a

01:48:54.640 fish store near my cousin's house that we used to it was on the same square block we weren't allowed

01:48:58.880 to cross the street so we can go to the fish store without crossing the street so one day

01:49:02.240 i'm in there and i'm like oh there's these bubbles like i don't have that i gotta get bubbles yeah so

01:49:07.760 one time i went in and i brought a fish home my mom wasn't home from work yet and i was like i gotta i

01:49:13.440 don't want this fish to die and so i took a straw yeah and i put i i put it in the fish bowl in the

01:49:20.720 salad bowl and i blew into the salad bowl to keep the fish alive i blew bubbles until for three hours

01:49:28.480 until she got home at six o'clock thing was dead that night i'm blowing carbon dioxide directly

01:49:33.680 into the thing i literally was like literally poisoned the fish i'm sitting there going

01:49:39.200 and i'm blowing and i named him i named him harry and i remember because i named every fish and they

01:49:43.040 all died very quickly yeah and so i was here i am three hours blowing with a straw and i just thought

01:49:48.640 the bubbles did it so so finally when i got older i uh i got my niece won a fish and she brought it

01:49:58.960 home well maybe my little sister or my niece won a fish brought it home and was it beautiful was it

01:50:03.120 big it was little it was a little right but i was like i'm i'm not i was like i'm not letting this

01:50:08.320 happen to this fish i was i was like right this is going to be different i was like 20 20 i was like

01:50:13.040 probably a 23 24 right who am i if i continue to let this happen went right to the store bought the

01:50:17.680 whole setup i came home rocks like coral fake coral yeah castle little dmv in there i had the

01:50:24.960 the treasure chest and like a little like like a little dmv kind of thing a perk dealer yeah yeah

01:50:30.240 i i got yeah all that i had the whole neighborhood in there right all the people in the neighborhood

01:50:34.400 but i had all the accoutrement and i got into it you buy the rocks i don't know if you ever had a fish

01:50:38.640 but then you have to like you roll the rocks through a strainer because the dye has to come off a

01:50:43.120 little bit oh no put them in there and you have i got so into this i bought medicine food i bought

01:50:49.600 all like i i would do the water i would test it the ph put all the i would uh wow i would uh what

01:50:54.960 you call it condition the water oh yeah and i took this fish and i had it for six or seven years

01:51:00.480 right and the fish became like this big and i don't know if it's a thing but i would just feed the

01:51:04.400 fish i would put my hand and the fish would eat out of my hand that might be a one any of them do but

01:51:09.040 it really felt like we had something like if i put my hand there he didn't jolt away right he she he

01:51:13.520 would just like go he would like go in my hand and just like stay there oh you know and so seven

01:51:18.800 you don't see a lot of that you don't see that now these days with goldfish with people like that

01:51:22.480 right anyway one day he's he died or whatever and i think i honestly think he was murdered i really do

01:51:30.080 i'm not making a joke i know it sounds like i am i think i think that uh it was a spot i think

01:51:35.120 maybe got murdered out of spite from somebody in my house i think or a friend because i had just

01:51:41.040 done the clean the fish tank he was in perfect health i just did a full fish tank cleaning you

01:51:45.600 did it like every three weeks i mean i i dumped it out i put him in another bucket yeah you had to do

01:51:49.600 this whole thing you put half of the water in the bucket with him because you wanted to stay

01:51:53.840 like the ecosystem that water oh yeah it's like fema or whatever yeah exactly i was basically like i was

01:51:58.720 basically like red cross yeah my cousin worked for fema for a while they had to do all that

01:52:02.160 shit yeah he'd be fucking putting wet people in shoe boxes for two hours while they fucking vacuum

01:52:08.480 out there i was i was fuming it up and uh and i put it in i tested everything and i had to do a

01:52:14.160 science thing seven years right and it looked beautiful too it flourished right then then the

01:52:20.160 next day he was in the clean water just dead just not even a slow death just dead yeah i suspect found

01:52:26.320 play yeah but this fish moved with me to three different locations okay so i'm in the third

01:52:33.600 location that i've owned this fishing in seven years and that's where he died and i it was a

01:52:39.120 summer and i felt guilty i didn't want to flush the fish it just felt disrespectful seven years

01:52:44.320 enough and the pipes too are you in new york at that time yeah yeah yeah i don't want to put the fish that

01:52:50.000 i i i called my friend where i you know where people shit yeah that's a good point actually hey fish

01:52:55.680 i love you yeah people that's nothing people just flush the goldfish when they don't it's so

01:53:00.400 disrespectful they have no they have no platform no voice anyway uh i didn't want to you're right

01:53:08.320 they don't people look i didn't want to so i was i'm gonna bury it in the yard yeah and it was a summer

01:53:14.160 and i just didn't want to bury it because i felt it was a stink and decompose and stuff maybe be dug up

01:53:19.040 by like a raccoon and so i was like i have to wait till cooler weather and so i put it in the

01:53:25.600 freezer i did wow did i tell you this story no because i told it before i was thinking what would

01:53:31.040 somebody do i put it in tin foil and i put it in my freezer yeah and you know i kind of half and half

01:53:38.160 half was i forgot about it and like maybe i missed a cycle maybe you don't want to remember because it's

01:53:43.040 painful too sometimes your brain will hide um information yeah like i had to unearth it in

01:53:49.360 therapy or something but one thing led to another and a few warm seasons passed and i still hadn't

01:53:56.320 i still hadn't done it and um and then it got to the point where i was like

01:54:01.760 i don't know i just felt bad i was like whenever i i just felt bad and then i moved it could have

01:54:08.240 been toxic shock syndrome or something you know a lot of animals if they move too many times they get

01:54:12.400 really sick yeah well i mean not to worry about that with him because he was dead oh another

01:54:17.600 thing was i thought that they had only died when i i was like it's bad luck to name him so i never

01:54:21.360 i had this seven years i didn't name him oh that would kill anyone i called him fish it was fine he

01:54:26.400 didn't care and uh i moved and i and then i moved i took the stuff from my fridge and freezer with me

01:54:33.200 it's not like i'm gonna throw stuff out i took him i moved again so i moved from what kind of

01:54:38.240 compartment is he in are you keeping him in a little bowl or a little little bag with water in it

01:54:41.760 it's uh tinfoil okay it's he's not in water and so i so the the place i had him do you have like

01:54:48.320 a couple grams of a fish rolled up in tinfoil it's like this big of a fish and uh it's in my

01:54:53.280 freezer right he's in my freezer right now he's in my freezer right now and it has been it has been

01:54:59.360 since he died it has been 2010 it's been about 12 years since he's done and i have

01:55:05.760 i moved into the house 2010 that he died in and then when i moved to my next house in 2015

01:55:15.440 he was already dead so he died somewhere between 2010 and 15 2012 2013 he the fish is frozen in my

01:55:23.840 freezer right this very very second wow still today today 12 years i have a frozen fish in that

01:55:28.640 i've told the story in my pockets and people started sending me fish coffins little fish coffins and i i was

01:55:33.760 gonna actually have a like a funeral for him yeah i was literally gonna because i told him my pod

01:55:37.920 years ago and so people started sending him in and we were gonna do like a like a patreon like

01:55:43.200 funeral for him oh man but he's and then you know what i end up taking him i hadn't done it but

01:55:49.200 we talked about it so i got him out of the i used to film it at my house i got him out of the freezer

01:55:53.280 and i opened it no way yeah i was scared i did yeah i opened he's still there i put him back in

01:55:58.800 but i was scared to do it did he have any how did he look it wasn't good you know it was

01:56:03.600 he was still whole yeah but uh he was i mean very very very light gold yeah if there was even a

01:56:13.440 it was a gradient it was maybe like a 10 percent gold zirconium maybe yeah it was like it was like

01:56:18.400 whitish you it might have been right close to white which is a hint of gold and his eyes it was like

01:56:24.000 the cheapest high school ring you could get exactly right yeah yeah like he turned local gold or

01:56:30.240 whatever yeah they would have like a term they'd be like oh yeah yeah special zone like um mountain

01:56:36.240 gold or something like that's something they tried to sell you on yeah yeah that turn and uh

01:56:40.800 his eyes they were like not there which was he had like the sockets but the balls they were kind of

01:56:49.920 not there i don't know what happens to balls when you freeze them over time if you're a gold

01:56:53.600 fish well i'll say this we had a guy named max moore on and he uh runs the cryonics institute which is

01:56:58.560 where they freeze people in arizona and it was how was that conversation it was interesting i don't

01:57:04.560 know if it's a scam or not i believe that in theory it's a it's a good idea i really wonder about that

01:57:10.720 i really do but they keep bodies in like these big um vats of uh nitrogen and they just keep them at

01:57:17.600 really low temperatures in the hopes that one day they'll be able to uh yeah like walt disney and

01:57:21.680 call her shrimpski right yeah like start them back up yeah um that's wild though would you do it

01:57:28.320 i mean some people like it's all the same you're gone you're gone why not put it in there and see

01:57:31.840 if to i've had this kind of because like what do you want to wake up to like what's it let's say in

01:57:36.960 300 years they can bring you back because it's like you know they find the technology's there and

01:57:41.840 yeah like prize picks you know no one you know no one it's like you know nothing of that world

01:57:47.600 it's like yeah you're just being yeah like this draft is brought to you by prize picks and you're

01:57:52.400 just drafting you back in a time but that's definitely gonna be what it's like when you

01:57:57.200 think about it in the future you're going to be able to create your own player like you can do on

01:58:03.040 video games but out of dna that's actually in labs you're going to be able to create your own like

01:58:10.000 player that will play in like some special gym universe somewhere and that will actually

01:58:14.560 eventually go on to the court and play like that's going to be a real thing people can do

01:58:20.080 i have my dna and and sperm you do stored yeah and i just did i just did the 23andme premium package

01:58:27.200 really what did it what and how i mailed it out i mailed it out 10 days ago it's like five to six

01:58:32.480 weeks it comes out i've always went dude 20 years ago i i've always been like i need to know

01:58:38.480 as far back as i can go i need to like i just it's so fascinating to me oh yeah i've asked to

01:58:43.360 be on that show uh like oh the histories it's like hey this is where you're from there's two of them

01:58:48.800 like one's a pbs version and one's like a and it's just like where you came whatever it's called

01:58:52.800 i've been asking them for years because they like they do all the legwork the black people one's

01:58:56.160 always just chicago it's like you're from chicago you're like there's been some crazy ones though

01:59:02.560 like i've seen people go on there like celebrities and then realize that they came from like

01:59:05.200 really bad people yeah i've seen that dude i've seen dude i got i did my 23 i was like 40 percent

01:59:11.200 thousand island dressing i feel like i don't know that dressing went downhill didn't it yeah i never

01:59:20.240 liked it wow yeah it's doing too much it's it's also a mystery to me it's like kind of like orange

01:59:28.800 right yeah it's like a orangey mayonnaise it kind of feels mayonnaise i don't like a

01:59:33.200 magnetic base i don't like it but uh you did do it or no you didn't do it french dressing was big

01:59:38.560 remember yeah yeah i don't you don't hear much about french dressing anymore everything's a

01:59:42.640 vinaigrette now yeah it's a vinaigrette it's ranch or it's blue cheese never lost blue cheese

01:59:47.520 yeah i don't like ranch either french was very scary to be a child and they would have french no

01:59:53.040 like thank you it was orange right yeah no i don't oh no orange was thousand island but there

01:59:59.120 was a really fine orange wasn't french the lick like uh no that was the italian one was like the

02:00:04.800 oil yeah they you're right yeah there it is no i wouldn't i wouldn't fuck with french yeah french

02:00:09.840 was very it doesn't look appealing no i'm not a big salad dressing guy i i'll do a little red wine

02:00:15.360 vinegar i just stick to that but i'll do i'll i'll eat some blue cheese um but what the hell is that

02:00:22.800 did you really do the 23 and me yeah so what did you know because because because because i did

02:00:28.480 this one now where you could like find out you can go back like it says like i mean hundreds of

02:00:34.560 years like they tell you like oh like really i i read a review where the guy was like i found out

02:00:39.920 that like my great great great great i i'm not joking and i was like he's like i i found out like

02:00:47.120 my great great great great great great grandfather died by an arrow that's the kind of detail he got

02:00:54.480 i don't know how but i read it and i was like hell yes i want to know all of this yeah you know i can't

02:01:00.000 wait for the results to come back i can't wait yeah i've done ancestry i know my right i know my

02:01:04.880 breakdown but i didn't do it where it's like genetic testing i did that traits uh you know predispositions

02:01:11.200 everything like if you're a night person what stuff you should eat not eat and then all as as much uh

02:01:17.280 history of your family tree as possible you yeah do you think you want to know all that i guess

02:01:21.840 sometimes i really do yeah really well i've i've lived with a mystery for 40 something years already

02:01:27.040 i want now i want to know you know what i mean i just feel like you know i don't know i how do you

02:01:32.000 not you don't really know your you know yourself but yeah you gotta know i i have a longing to know

02:01:37.920 exactly where i came from was it was it a big thing in y'all's house to y'all's family was like

02:01:42.480 this is where you're from because that is the thing that i feel like is very important that um

02:01:47.200 should be in more homes probably is like this is who your grandfather was and this is like

02:01:51.760 where our bloodline comes from and this is what we've been through everybody should know that yeah

02:01:55.920 we didn't do it at all and i think that's why i long for it yeah like i only i i knew one great

02:02:00.160 grandparent when she died she passed away at 99 and i was still young and then i had a very great

02:02:06.320 relationship with my four grandparents i mean very close and i still have my one of my grandmas

02:02:11.200 and i they all i luckily i i had them till a decent decent age so i was really really tight and i was

02:02:17.360 like i just wish i knew you know about i you know you blow your mind thinking about like even just go

02:02:24.320 back like it's crazy that we don't even know our great grandparents never mind just a few times

02:02:28.800 removed you know just how about great great great no idea and that shit's like that's long enough

02:02:34.400 ago to be like oh he was a you know he was a you know a blacksmith i don't even know yeah you

02:02:38.960 know what i mean he lived oh yeah i mean yeah a lot of times you just know like oh my grandpa drove

02:02:42.480 a van or whatever yeah what the fuck the guy lived a whole life right you know created your dad right

02:02:50.720 and all you know yeah is that he smoked paulman yeah that's all you know he smoked unfiltered cigarettes

02:02:57.280 and yeah the guy lived yeah he had a chicken coop yeah that's really it though right that's it like

02:03:01.840 oh yay everybody likes to almost yeah there's like there's this mystery whereas i think a long

02:03:06.720 time ago there used to be a lot more um probably uh familial lore yes that was passed down and now

02:03:15.280 it's just like um a lot of that's not present in a lot of families like my dad did i remember my dad

02:03:21.920 was like she'd be like i think my dad liked to drink a pretty good bit like my dad was very my dad was

02:03:27.760 born and he was he was 70 when i was born so he was an older guy you know um he was like remember

02:03:33.120 you talked about that in your first special yeah he was like i knew it earlier but you know in a lot

02:03:37.120 of ways um but yeah he was like he would my dad would like drive us to school or something my dad's

02:03:44.560 car he always hit stuff with his car so he always had like spare tires in his car like in the backseat

02:03:49.840 it was stacked with fucking tires that were blown out or ones that were still usable dude um and so

02:03:57.200 a lot of times you just get in the backseat of his car so you'd like he'd take him to school sometimes

02:04:01.200 and i would get out and all my clothes and skin would be just covered in like black tire marks dude

02:04:07.920 like i just wander into school dude like just trying like i'm a diversity hire like pig pen from

02:04:16.640 peanuts yeah like yeah like i'm part of the diversity like a coal miner yeah that was like a five-year-old

02:04:23.440 coal miner um and then yeah he just saw his like you know he just so that was very did you know so

02:04:30.480 what did you know of your grandfather then oh i didn't your paternal oh mike i knew we had a step

02:04:35.920 grandpa that would smoke a lot of cigarettes you know and he would wear his like he used to wear

02:04:41.280 motorcycle goggles even when he was just sitting on the porch for a long time he wore like that

02:04:45.200 he had like that old school kind of motorcycle hat with the goggles you know he just wore it on

02:04:49.360 the porch and he'd sit on the porch and i think he wanted people to know he was about to go ride

02:04:53.600 his motorcycle all the time i want to know that guy you know and he wore like a onesie kind of

02:04:57.600 like a um but a workers oh look like like yeah like a like a like a like a like a dickies like a

02:05:02.320 yeah jumpsuit thing yeah and he worked at a factory and stuff like oh see yeah this is like

02:05:06.800 yeah that's like a salt of the that's like that's what i'm talking about you know i'm saying yeah i

02:05:10.720 want to know that like i don't know man i i you know my grandparents all had like eight or nine

02:05:15.360 siblings yeah there's a bit you know what i mean but what did your dad do did he do what is your dad

02:05:19.920 kind of a neat guy do you have any good like cool memories about him when he was a kid my dad yeah

02:05:24.240 well he's look he's still with me luckily yeah oh my dad just like memories when you were a kid of

02:05:29.120 like your dad like what was your oh yeah my dad would have these big shoes that we would put on

02:05:33.760 sometimes and that was pretty cool my dad would put his shirt sometimes he would take his shirt off

02:05:38.000 he liked to drink and he would have a couple drinks or whatever and then he would just take his shirt

02:05:42.640 off and like button it up like in front of us and he'd be like oh you got my shirt on uh and he would

02:05:48.240 say stuff like that and then he would just pass out on the sounds like a very warm guy

02:05:53.520 just the physicality that you become when you're talking i'm like you got your shirt on

02:05:58.080 yeah put a shirt on he'd be like you got my shirt on like that was his like playing with

02:06:03.360 us or whatever game who wants to wear my shirt and you were just your eyes were burning with like

02:06:08.960 brute and like old spice and by the time you got the shirt off or whatever he would just be like

02:06:16.240 asleep on the couch yeah yeah yeah yeah he'd be like this is good my dad you know is like you know

02:06:21.840 i i'm lucky i have a real good relationship he's like my best friend really uh you know growing up

02:06:27.280 was cool you know i got hit by a car with him uh my body not in a car accident we were playing frisbee

02:06:34.080 in a parking lot by my house and uh it was a gated it was a gated parking lot and it was like one of

02:06:40.080 those posts it was like cw no c what do you call those those are those um veteran vw posts yeah right

02:06:45.840 you know what i'm saying and uh it was like a big parking lot and it was gated and so vfw vfw

02:06:51.200 it was like yeah yeah yeah and um and so we used to play like stick ball and that thing and like

02:06:56.000 hockey and things like that and so they but but because it was always closed when it wasn't an

02:07:00.000 event it was a big empty parking lot and it was gated and it was pretty big for a kid like it was

02:07:03.840 like you know it was a good like i would call it uh maybe about a hundred and maybe 25 feet long

02:07:10.320 something like that or more you know and and pretty wide and uh he in the buildings we lived in it was

02:07:15.920 right in the front of them those buildings and he was he had like so many jobs and he was a superintendent

02:07:20.000 of those buildings so he had an office there and we also lived there and i would go visit him in the

02:07:24.320 office and go around and like help him fix i watch him fix like you know things he you know oh he was

02:07:29.200 a super yeah he was a super oh wow yeah and at he was also a garbage man but he did both and uh and so

02:07:35.840 he had an office he used to lift weights in there and i used to go hang out with him and and the guys

02:07:39.360 that worked there and everything you know they had like posters of girls on the wall in the office and

02:07:43.280 like they played darts and stuff but my dad like he didn't drink he wasn't like he wasn't into sports he

02:07:47.920 didn't drink he just was like i don't know man he just he was very unique he's a healthy guy very

02:07:53.600 into fitness but um but you know i i hung out with him a lot and so he took me one day i'll never

02:07:59.200 forget he's like oh we're gonna go play and he threw it was a coca-cola red coca-cola frisbee i'll just

02:08:03.680 and we went down the block we went in there not a car in the place gates closed and we're throwing

02:08:07.840 the frizzy back and forth i'm young i'm probably i was like five six years old tops and uh you know you

02:08:14.640 i don't even know to this day i can't really throw a frisbee i throw the one that just does that

02:08:18.160 oh really yeah you can throw a frisbee yeah it must feel like a superpower it does feel good when you

02:08:22.480 learn it because when you don't know how to do it as a dude it is a questionable look yeah i mean i i

02:08:29.920 it's a it's it's anybody's it's anybody's guess when i throw it how it's gonna look if it's gonna

02:08:34.720 just sail to the right if it's gonna wobble if it's gonna hit the floor like you know can you throw

02:08:39.040 it like that huh no i that dude is also closet engaged yeah i think i'll throw it like a regular

02:08:46.320 dude yeah and bless him yeah but that dude is like yeah any of that dude that dude's trying to steal

02:08:51.600 your lady too he's skipping it yeah yeah yeah he's skipping it off of a but you could throw like you

02:08:56.720 could toyota tercel or whatever yeah yeah yeah well that was that's a show-off you know nobody likes

02:09:01.600 a show-off that's what i don't like is that guy yeah yeah i could just make sure i get it to where

02:09:05.920 it's going in the area so you so if we were playing if we haven't a is it a fret the catch

02:09:10.800 i haven't a catch yeah having a frisbee having a throw uh throwing frisbee i thought if we're

02:09:14.960 throwing a frisbee you you can i could be far away from you and you could be like i got you i got you

02:09:19.200 get me that's that that's that's really that's really nice do you have to spin in a full circle

02:09:23.440 before you let it go or no can you just no i didn't really throw like a discus i had no skill

02:09:26.880 whatsoever in that department yeah so i would just like you know let it go yeah and um

02:09:30.960 i'm sorry it's all dude well what happened to me i had a traumatic experience i seen three

02:09:37.120 gay dudes throwing a frisbee and a hampton inn uh uh hot tub like a big hot tub and to this day yeah

02:09:48.720 that had to be bigger than the place the tub you played navy in because they were throwing the frisbee

02:09:52.960 well they were all just sitting there just kind of throwing it to each other and it just was it was

02:09:57.120 just the most craziest thing i've ever seen in my life wait what was crazy the fact that they

02:10:03.520 it was like kind of like a little sport and they were only sitting like four feet from each other

02:10:10.480 and then they kept throwing this little frisbee to each other i love that you described that

02:10:16.560 it's like a would you say a dramatic would you say a crazy experience it broke my heart

02:10:22.400 because that's when i knew that our military was done

02:10:31.120 that's what i knew dude oh god that uh to me it sounds like a it sounds like a a party broke out

02:10:39.040 though yeah you're right i think i gotta know and a lot of it for me is a perspective issue it's like i

02:10:44.320 show up it is man i show up with a negative perspective i'm like i love you look at these

02:10:51.200 guys look at these air force guys or whatever oh i must have missed that part they were in the air

02:10:57.120 force oh no no no oh they were in the navy probably you saw you weren't in the tub and

02:11:02.720 you're just having like ptsd about the negative was it you throwing them over the

02:11:11.680 oh yeah um that's hilarious well mine went wide and um it was our neighborhood and my dad saw a guy

02:11:19.040 that he knew walking by in the street outside the other side of the gate and so he was like i'm gonna

02:11:23.600 he just walked over to the gate to say hello to his friend and he's at the gate talking to his friend

02:11:28.320 and and he he threw it to me and it was like over it went over there so i was like all right i was

02:11:34.000 walking to go get it a hunt i mean there was there was two things in this parking lot me and my dad

02:11:40.560 and so i'm walking to get the frisbee and then i look up and from the other side of the parking lot

02:11:44.160 i see a station wagon is in the is now in the parking lot and it's driving toward me and

02:11:51.040 even at that age i'm like i'm not i i hadn't i didn't my there's no way he didn't see it wasn't

02:11:58.640 like oh my god a car's coming yeah i was just like no he saw me and i'm walking to get the thing

02:12:02.560 and he's driving toward it as well and i i remember it so vividly i i i got to the coca-cola frisbee and

02:12:11.280 i looked down and i looked and the car was still coming at me you know it wasn't going that fast i i i'm

02:12:16.960 sure it was going like 10 miles an hour right right something like that and uh and i went to

02:12:21.600 go pick up the frisbee and my dad's talking he doesn't he's not looking and i go to pick up the

02:12:25.360 frisbee i remember i picked it up and i dropped it i fumbled it and it dropped back down and i had this

02:12:30.480 moment of do i pick it back up right now or did i get out like i i just remember being like i it happened

02:12:37.520 fast and i went to pick it back up and the next thing when i woke up i was in my dad's arms he was

02:12:43.760 running with me in his arms and uh and to get in his car and we had to take me to the hospital

02:12:49.840 oh i didn't get any uh broken bones or anything i got bruised up and uh but yeah blacked out

02:12:56.960 completely the car hit me now now in hindsight i know the story like my dad got my dad got so mad

02:13:03.920 like he he turned around he just i i don't know what you must think to see your five-year-old get

02:13:08.560 hit by a car yeah and i didn't know this till later on but i found out that he just went nuts

02:13:13.440 and he he ran because the guy hit the thing and he ran up to the car and he was like just punching

02:13:18.160 like get out of the car just punching the car and the guy wouldn't get it he's like get up and he's

02:13:22.000 trying to rip it and my my dad's friend goes south south don't worry about that get your son

02:13:28.000 you know oh yeah yeah yeah and he was like oh and they just grabbed me and we ran went to the hospital

02:13:32.880 um who's punching the car you know but that was a big guy you know he's punching the car and

02:13:38.800 everything and then uh yeah so i got hit by this hold on son yeah it's like stick with stay with me

02:13:44.720 you know i'll be right with you smash but um it later turned out that it was one of my kids in my

02:13:52.160 grammar school's grandfather but anyway uh and i guess we sued him but it was like man it was really

02:13:58.640 a disappointment of a lawsuit yeah because i got five i mean i was like what was it it was like

02:14:03.200 probably 1981 but i got 5 000 bucks that's a lot of money then yeah it adjusted for inflation uh from

02:14:09.760 81 hit me out uh and then i couldn't touch it till i was 18 and so when it was 18 she had that

02:14:16.560 all 12 grand when i was 18 it was 12 when you were 18 yeah i think 12 13 grand that was that's about it

02:14:22.720 5 000 to that's a lot of money 12 grand you're 18 years yeah what'd you do with it

02:14:32.400 you know i don't really know ultimately but i'll tell you what i thought i was going to do with it

02:14:37.920 i thought i was going to buy an engagement ring oh with it yeah that's what i told us like oh i'm

02:14:43.040 gonna just take this money to buy you an engagement ring yeah thank i i love that you've taken like a

02:14:48.240 like a like a like a knee for me so many times i started with the gout oh so many times you're

02:14:54.800 really like i've you've you really uh felt my pain thanks man yeah it's right i mean that's a

02:14:59.440 fucking god yeah when i get i'm gonna get her that ring and we're gonna get a little home or something

02:15:05.040 it sounds like uh there's so much like i haven't spoken about like it's just it sounds right now that

02:15:09.040 i'm like yeah man my life with this woman and i'm still thinking about it it's like i didn't even

02:15:15.040 remember that that i was gonna do that but when you asked me i was like i think yeah i remember

02:15:18.400 telling how that like i'm gonna get you a ring with this money yeah yeah yeah i think yeah well

02:15:23.600 oh i remember a girl she broke up with me and then i got in like oh i'm gonna i remember calling her

02:15:28.800 mom i'm gonna buy her a ring you know and like i took that avenue one time like i was i was just

02:15:36.080 yeah doing that stuff and planning ahead is relationships are fucking hard especially when you're

02:15:41.840 just figuring out about love and am i in love what's going on you know how many how many uh

02:15:46.320 have you been in love yeah i've been in love man how many times you know i think maybe three four times

02:15:52.000 i think you know that's about right um that's about i think three for me i gotta start dating towards

02:15:57.920 a family you know because you want one i think so yeah yeah because otherwise i'm like what happens if

02:16:04.720 you don't get one then you are are you it's sometimes it gets a little strange when i still go

02:16:15.040 like to people's things or something and it's just me i get that yeah i get that it's like i gotta start

02:16:21.760 bringing somebody do you but you want to bring some boot like you know you don't want to bring like

02:16:26.160 something that's not like potential yeah right right right right so wait so are you feeling

02:16:33.760 pressure just externally because of those situations and maybe your age or are you feeling

02:16:40.800 internally biologically like i long for this and i and i i feel like i'm ready to i i feel like i'm

02:16:46.320 kind of ready to start a family are you feeling that are you like yeah i think it's a little bit of

02:16:51.360 both i think it's like if i'm gonna do it i have to do it at some point do you feel or i'm gonna be

02:16:58.800 like my dad right you know or not really but i'll be you know i see what you're saying in parallel yeah

02:17:04.720 you know but i think there's part of me in that that's always like oh you could do it whenever i

02:17:08.000 think that could have been my mindset that i got too you know like i can always yeah so you want to

02:17:13.760 put my shirt on you i don't know man i gotta set you up with somebody or something i don't know i

02:17:21.280 don't really play matchmaker but uh keep your ears open people sometimes try to match make me

02:17:26.240 but i just gotta be more like um but you're not looking for it i mean i'm keeping my eyes open

02:17:32.160 nashville's kind of tough because it's a lot of like college and then a lot of married also now

02:17:38.400 you know you're so you're so famous like you're famous you gotta like how you meet someone is more

02:17:44.800 little has to be a little more intricate intricate now like you got to make sure you you have someone

02:17:48.720 you're investing your time in someone like that's for the right reasons and like that was the thing

02:17:53.760 with me like the my my my girl that i'm with now i've been with since before i was like in the public

02:17:59.520 you know what i mean it was like it was like right well just like right about that time but i i've known

02:18:03.840 her i knew her like i would say like seven eight years before even before that yeah so you know i

02:18:11.120 didn't have to navigate being in the public like this and then trying to right you had somebody

02:18:17.600 myself out there for somebody like that you know be vulnerable and you invest that kind of time and

02:18:22.560 not you know um yeah it gets a little spooky because sometimes you're afraid to like message somebody if

02:18:27.600 you like if you meet somebody online you know and you don't want to feel forced to like have to meet

02:18:32.400 somebody that's also in like has you know i'd love to just meet a yeah i just want to meet whoever

02:18:39.280 i'm supposed to meet yeah so i just want to make sure i'm able to be like in a good space you know

02:18:44.160 and just be ready yeah you know yeah and i just feel like a little bit of that kind of change and like

02:18:49.840 i think i'm ready for something a little bit more realistic you know yeah um i i i uh i never really talk

02:18:54.880 about it um i never talk about but i uh yeah i was 43 i bet i i'm married yeah i never really talk

02:19:03.200 about at all but um people know that i'm with my lady for a very long time i always reference her

02:19:08.480 yeah you know wonderful you've known you've known her that since back you too sorry i shouldn't have

02:19:12.320 said this but she's wonderful i'll say that but also beautiful she's my best friend that's i was

02:19:16.240 gonna say yeah i was gonna say beautiful then i'm like dude you can't say beautiful to the guy

02:19:19.360 that's you say cute right but it's cute weird dude she's hot yeah i'll just pretend i didn't say

02:19:26.560 anything yeah i i honestly dude i i i'm so so private i just never want to privacy is like the

02:19:32.480 last thing i have you know once i give it away i can't get it back and it's just weird because i i've

02:19:36.880 spent you know a decade on television as myself and so there's like there's a different type of

02:19:43.120 filter between me and the people that enjoy what i do and stuff and then there's a familiarity and

02:19:47.280 it's like good and bad so some people are like just very curious because i'm i am so private so

02:19:53.520 that kind of brings stokes curiosity yeah but then also just sometimes people like they just feel like

02:19:57.760 they know me and so like there's a little bit of a line crossing i was very private before my whole

02:20:02.560 life so this is like to the umpteenth for me you know so like i just keep it i just keep that to

02:20:08.480 the best because it really what is what does it matter what does that detail matter right it doesn't

02:20:11.840 matter you know and i but but it's but i also want to be able to speak freely about your own life i do

02:20:16.000 that's exactly right that's exactly right and i i do want to talk about my own life and i was

02:20:20.240 what i was saying was my next special that i'm working on now i am going to like i want to do

02:20:24.480 it on my own terms and stuff so i am like it's going to be speaking about you know her on stage

02:20:29.920 and stuff so i was like you know what i just gotta like you know just put it out there and stuff yeah

02:20:34.080 it's important yeah yeah well yeah it's it's it's interesting it's like you want to be able to be

02:20:38.800 yourself at the same time you want to protect the few things that you have that feel like that they

02:20:44.240 aren't public and protect her as a person because like you know you know how you know the internet

02:20:49.200 is and all that stuff it's just scary it is you know and i just like i don't like it you know i

02:20:53.600 want to keep the people i love the most away from it you know but but there's a sense in me that also

02:20:57.520 wants to speak about my life and you know and you know i mean like i love her she's my best friend i

02:21:02.480 talk about her but like she's always like you know if you say you say you know but you know she's

02:21:07.040 like i don't mind if you you know you know and i'm like i just want to say good once i say it you

02:21:10.880 know it's just a thing you know i don't know if i make more of it than it should be in my own head

02:21:15.200 but yeah dude i've never really said it so uh i think one other time dang yeah well yeah thanks

02:21:21.200 for talking about it man i felt make me comfortable thanks bro yeah there's been times in my life where

02:21:25.520 i didn't want to say that i was dating somebody because i think i was worried about what people

02:21:28.080 would think or if people would try to find that person yes you know um and but then at some points i

02:21:34.080 felt bad that i didn't try and honor them a little bit more you know or if they felt like that you know

02:21:39.680 that's the struggle i have you know and she's very understanding uh she's the best but like uh

02:21:44.960 you know so it's it's like that balancing it's balancing all those things you know and so it's

02:21:50.000 even like it feels weird for me to even say it out loud yeah i can tell you it's a little bit

02:21:53.680 nervous energy yeah because once i was you know once it's out of the bag it's out of the bag but it's

02:21:57.520 like we can always take it out yeah yeah a hundred percent if you just you know if you think about that

02:22:01.360 totally fine yeah right on um i mean you want to talk about building a family you don't want to go into

02:22:05.600 that you think you're okay that's really going there but i i guess i'm i'm gonna do it as well

02:22:10.960 i mean i don't know that's yeah my i mean like i i just say that i have a kid is like it's you don't

02:22:17.120 feel like you have to at all you don't feel like i think you have to or anything at all no not at

02:22:20.560 all babe not at all i feel totally comfortable i'm just saying to myself like do i want to do i

02:22:24.320 have never you know really said it it's like you know i just want to you know but uh and i so it's

02:22:30.720 yeah it's just like here it is does it feel scary to admit to yourself you think no i've i mean if

02:22:35.920 in my regular life yeah i don't even like if you come up to me with my wife this is my kid like i

02:22:39.920 don't it's that's real life right but why do people that see me for 22 minutes a week on tv need to know

02:22:45.600 that why do people you know what i mean like in real life i honor my real life you know but this is

02:22:50.640 just like this is entertainment for you i don't know if i want to invite you in like i i don't want

02:22:55.200 people to be like come up to me like hey how's your wife like it's like you know but um that's a good

02:23:00.240 point yeah but but so it's even like i think it's like more with the daughter yeah it's like

02:23:05.840 super protective you know what i mean but but i it's the best thing that's ever happened to me

02:23:12.320 i mean if i start talking about her man i'll get tears in my eyes and like so

02:23:16.400 so that i love her so much i want to express that you know yeah i'm so scared i'm so scared too

02:23:22.000 what do you think yeah i don't know you know i don't have that response i don't have that like

02:23:26.320 something that i'm responsible for but also i want to it's funny i think about that a lot

02:23:30.000 i think about like if i have kids would i let people know do i feel like people need to know

02:23:34.960 but then also do i want to be honest about my own life but then who am i being honest to like can i

02:23:41.760 still just be honest to myself and be like a good family man i think with podcasting i think it gets

02:23:47.680 a little different because it's like a lot of times we do share stuff that's real to us and so

02:23:53.760 then people get to know us in a different element isn't it weird and you've been doing it so long

02:23:57.280 right yeah so talk for so many hours and then sometimes you'll see someone come up to you and

02:24:01.200 they know something intimate and you're like oh i guess i i because we get so comfortable with each

02:24:06.160 other and you know we're and this is what you want to have a real conversation yeah and then it's like

02:24:10.000 just so weird because over time when you've talked to 1 000 hours people can really like take notes and

02:24:16.160 be like oh this is they they really know your shit oh i'll get notes at breakfast i'll be eating

02:24:20.400 somewhere and somebody i know like hey man i could tell kind of how you were feeling just

02:24:23.440 shit that we were like fuck i'm talking to fuck i know and it is weird because like do i want to

02:24:29.600 have this exchange with you right it's sweet but it's like you know do i want people to come to me

02:24:34.160 and be like so how's your daughter right all the time like i don't i'm like i don't want to talk to

02:24:38.640 you about my daughter you know what i mean you might not want to but then she's also probably super

02:24:42.480 i mean i know you sent me those pictures she's so cute yeah man god that must be cool huh

02:24:46.720 she doesn't love you you know you hear it you all you know what it's supposed to sound you know

02:24:53.440 what it's supposed to be you know what it is you heard descriptions of it you have it you know

02:24:56.720 everything it's the best thing ever it's hard she's my best friend you do anything for your kids

02:25:01.120 the reason i live the reason i breathe you hear it all but then when it happens to you you there's not

02:25:05.680 words to describe it so you 40 i had her 20 months ago and a thing i i've feelings i've never felt

02:25:14.800 imagine having a new feeling after 45 years 45 years a feeling i never felt in my life is unlocked

02:25:23.280 and it's the deepest feeling that i've ever had in my life and i love my family i love my wife

02:25:29.360 what was the feeling it's a feeling of inexpressible pure happiness and joy that you feel like you are

02:25:40.560 floating in the air and if and and it's overwhelming you cannot process it yeah you can't believe it you

02:25:48.960 can't process it to this day i can't believe she exists every day i wake up and i take a deep breath

02:25:53.760 and i look at her i'm overwhelmed i've never not been overwhelmed looking at her i've never um i've never

02:25:59.760 been able to process my love it's a it's the love is so strong that i can't understand it it's it's

02:26:07.920 it's tough man it's it's it's it's insane dude that's awesome it's and it's just there you know it's

02:26:13.920 just there and it's not going to go anywhere oh and uh i had gotten to some deep jump dark places really

02:26:19.840 dark did you feel like it was gonna like that must have been shocking because you said that it's not

02:26:23.600 gonna go somewhere was there yeah like fuck yeah so just to think that i just to think that i will

02:26:29.680 have her uh you know and then my brain is such that then it gets dark like oh then one day i'm gonna

02:26:34.640 i'm gonna be gone and she's not gonna have me i'm not gonna see how the second half of our life plays

02:26:38.320 out and then i go to depression and it's i have i'm working on this there's a weird thing where i could

02:26:42.800 be like something so good and then my mind wants to go oh you're gonna lose it though oh it's gonna

02:26:49.920 one day it's not gonna be that or what okay so then i'm not gonna know uh this is this is deep

02:26:54.400 but like i'm not gonna know then how her story ends oh isn't that crazy to think about that i the

02:27:00.960 air i breathe is for her and then to just think that like she might have a good 40 years on hopefully

02:27:07.440 100 years on this earth with with a post me that i don't get to know i don't the thing that i care

02:27:14.160 about most in my life i don't get to know the end of that's there yeah so it's like this dichotomy

02:27:23.200 of like this deep deep it's such a deep love but it sends you because like if you get if you let

02:27:27.200 yourself go there yeah yeah it's kind of wild man right but that's also kind of a creative and you

02:27:32.480 know it's a uh it's a deep thought and deep thoughts are you know depth has darkness in it a

02:27:40.560 lot of times you know the deep you want to get into stuff the more yeah the more that can be in

02:27:44.960 there but wow i've never even thought about that it's like if watching your favorite it's like you

02:27:49.280 it's like your favorite movie but you don't get to see the half you know right and but you got to

02:27:54.240 make the movie though oh dude it's it's like nothing you've ever felt that's crazy yeah i the feeling

02:28:00.320 that you said that it's not going to go anywhere that's that really sent me man because yeah i think

02:28:05.120 i didn't realize until you said that there's this feeling always inside of me that um

02:28:11.680 that it's gonna go somewhere you know that it's not uh

02:28:17.600 you know that it's not no like it's not reliable or something i think it even goes back to me like

02:28:23.920 not knowing how to you know you got to check in and make sure people know you care all the time

02:28:28.880 sure yeah yeah it's it's wild that i get to wake up to i wake up now at like seven in the morning

02:28:36.640 every day like or you know we're eight but like but i was never a morning person you know i was never i

02:28:42.160 was a bartender i'm a comic like i i'm not that guy and like and i wake up and i so here's another

02:28:50.000 thing i remember what it was like to feel naturally organically truly feelings of happiness you know

02:28:58.160 whether it was just a general feeling or whether i got good news like this feeling that would emanate

02:29:03.600 like a joy like joy like pure though right you're all you're a very joyous guy but i lost that like

02:29:12.000 and for a while i got like you know i was depressed and i i i i would register that i was supposed to

02:29:18.880 feel happy and and i would say oh i'm so happy about that but i would say but in that feeling is not

02:29:26.720 here i'm telling myself that i'm happy and i'm happy right this is great news or this is oh that's

02:29:31.600 wonderful lord oh i'm excited you know but this this thing that i used to have where it's like

02:29:38.320 you you're walking around like with a pep in your step and you're cheery and it's it's coming out of

02:29:42.960 you yeah like it's coming out of you you're emoting it like uh it's it's beyond you your body you're

02:29:49.200 you're not in control of it you're happy right you're not that you you you now lived life and you know

02:29:53.840 oh this is good news i'm happy i'm supposed to be happy but it's not the same no and i stopped

02:29:58.480 feeling that what happened dude although it's amazing you're saying this is exactly how i feel

02:30:02.240 a lot of times i look at old videos of myself i'm like man that guy was so right and and i would get

02:30:07.040 really sad about that because it's like i have no reason not to be happy i i have such a wonderful um

02:30:12.800 support system family friends i have so lucky in my life to do what i want in my career i feel blessed

02:30:17.760 i i every day every day i know how lucky i am i take nothing for granted and so why why then do i

02:30:25.520 not feel that and um but the odd thing is is that i can feel viscerally sad i have immediate access to

02:30:35.520 sadness immediate access and i didn't used to it like flip-flopped and if i wanted to sit here right

02:30:42.000 now and talk about something sad i could bring up something that's sad to me and in one minute i could be

02:30:46.000 bawling yeah and i could and i and i feel it like i feel it emanating but the happiness it's kind of

02:30:52.160 like i had to either work at it or just like accept this new version of happiness and with my daughter

02:31:03.120 this free again it's more than it ever was you know uh it's crazy to um to have someone pull that

02:31:10.000 out of you and it's it's it's it's it's uh it's at the ready and it's just limitless it's like

02:31:16.320 i don't need anything anything it's like it's i don't need to access it if i hear her voice if

02:31:21.280 she walks through if i look at a photo of her right now something happens to my body like

02:31:26.400 that's cool man yeah yeah even if even if we don't i didn't mean to get into this save this you can

02:31:33.440 give it to her one day you know yeah i i didn't mean to get into this you know like i know that you

02:31:37.440 you know it's cool with you like i know you go everywhere on your podcast and stuff no it's

02:31:40.720 okay i hope your listeners are cool with it like i just if if we keep it in like i just uh i i know

02:31:44.720 it's not all it not laughs but no it's okay yeah it's dude to see that somebody how much somebody

02:31:50.000 cares about their kid you know yeah i think it's yeah it makes yeah because it's funny that's where

02:31:56.880 i'm at in my life is i think i'm like could i do it like would i be able to be okay you will

02:32:02.320 you know like even if you they say it's true everything you say so you never know you think

02:32:07.120 you're ready you know you will never be ready yeah something just happens man you you don't know if

02:32:13.680 you could do it you don't know if you're ready will you be a good this will you be a good that

02:32:19.760 that happens naturally immediately i mean you you're you it's it's just something a switch flips

02:32:26.880 and you it's not could you do it it's i want to be the best at it you know it's it's the doubt is

02:32:35.280 erased the doubt is erased you immediately like you thrive off of it you know like it's it's it's

02:32:42.480 it really is purpose i mean all those cliches all those trite things that people say but it's true

02:32:47.280 you know it's like i i thought i had meaning and purpose and i do you know i i i you know like i said

02:32:53.760 i just i'm so lucky and i even like people aren't unfulfilled in certain areas but i'm lucky i

02:32:59.440 love i love my job i'm a comedian i want to be a comedian since i'm a little kid a little kid is

02:33:03.840 all i wanted to do and i didn't even start doing it like this until very late in life and i i'm so

02:33:09.440 lucky that i did it because i could imagine i could have never done it's all i care about you know like

02:33:13.440 so and i so i always am like blown away every day that i am a working comedian like wait my dream

02:33:21.120 came true like it's wild to me because you could be a comic too and it's so hard to like stay the

02:33:26.480 course and then to get by and make a living and all that stuff you know and i really don't think

02:33:32.560 what is the percentage of comedians that get to that level like that can say this is my job you

02:33:38.560 know i mean like i don't know but like i never would believe it and so that's so i feel like i have

02:33:45.280 a purpose and i and i and i and i love my family and like i'm just i i am very um self-aware and

02:33:51.680 reflective and everything but like then when i had you know my daughter it's like it's like uh

02:33:59.600 everything just melts away like it's like there's just one thing that matters it it's it's so fulfilling

02:34:06.880 and uh it's a source of joy and energy and and and just the love the the love is a different level of

02:34:14.480 love and so it's like it's not like oh i'm afraid like oh oh i you know i hope i don't

02:34:19.280 fuck this up it's like it's the best thing that's ever happened to you you're gonna honor it you know

02:34:24.880 what i mean like you you die like you become a new person yeah yeah i mean i am i am i've had i

02:34:33.440 i'm late in life so i feel like i was i'm always getting i'll never be you know always getting in

02:34:37.600 touch with yourself and and learning oh yeah but i did have a so late in life that i feel like i

02:34:42.880 you know just to say like if i had a kid when i was 25 or 45 i know who i am more so in that respect

02:34:49.120 i feel good about that uh but um but yeah yeah yeah because you have a new title you have a new

02:34:59.840 job you haven't you have a new purpose you know and uh and it's so beautiful because uh everything

02:35:07.280 that this that she consumes how she learns life how she learns

02:35:16.400 what life is about and who people are and who she is and everything from just her brain developing and

02:35:22.720 learning words and just to emotions and the things she observes and molding the person that she becomes

02:35:29.440 and wanting to give her do better than you always want to do better and do better and you know and

02:35:35.920 you know i'm i'm always like trying to you know we fail but trying to better myself and like she just

02:35:41.600 like it's like on step on the gas you know what i mean like everything i do i run through the filter

02:35:46.640 of her everything now like i i mean like it has nothing to do with her i say will this if if my

02:35:53.440 daughter saw me doing this and my daughter saw me working on this or talking to someone like this

02:35:59.200 or speaking like this or handling myself in this way like will make her proud you know well it's an

02:36:04.800 example for her and so like i just like i walk around thinking of that all the time now and it's

02:36:10.560 really great it's really great to hold yourself to a standard which i did before but like i said this

02:36:16.560 is a deep new level and to hold yourself to the standard but but want to do it and be proud to try and

02:36:22.080 then be proud to and then succeed at it you know like and know it oh hi i'm right i have an integrity

02:36:28.640 here makes you feel like i i'm big on integrity man i my whole life and so as a guy who has always

02:36:33.760 been on like my word i give you my word i'm honest like i i uh i'm not i've tried to be genuine i don't

02:36:39.760 fucking i can't stand phony people i don't like you know i just i don't i don't like people that aren't

02:36:44.400 kind you know like i'm just very i don't know whatever my my work everything i do i try the hardest i

02:36:49.760 can i kill myself with that shit but like um so so being a person like that already to then have

02:36:57.280 the marker be her and how that how the person she becomes and who how she thinks of me what's going

02:37:04.160 to be her perception of me that's the highest and so it's like it's like the super bowl of like

02:37:09.360 integrity you know and uh and and it's and it's a wonderful thing it's not a hard thing it's it's a

02:37:15.840 gift it's like a gift you know this probably sounds so corny to people i don't think it sounds

02:37:20.480 corny at all dude and it's like i think i know everyone says it and i probably just sound like i

02:37:24.080 just realized it but it's like like i said it's just different when it happens we never talk about

02:37:29.520 it on here i don't have a yeah i never really talk about like to friends about their about kids or

02:37:34.720 anything like that and it's just funny because it's a place that i'm at in my life now and you know

02:37:39.520 wondering how that'll look and it's just funny how like god kind of puts things together and is like

02:37:44.240 oh well how about this why don't i connect you with this awesome example of a guy who um feels

02:37:50.720 like he's got who has been bringing joy forever and found a whole new level of joy this guy made

02:37:58.480 300 episodes of joy and now i trumped him with one episode of joy right right right you know yeah

02:38:05.120 it's wild dude now it's outside the episode never ends and there's no commercial there's no commercial

02:38:10.560 breaks um oh and so your special is it's coming out next week uh yeah it's great it's called

02:38:16.800 terrified it's on uh youtube the salvacano terrified on youtube it's on 800 pound gorillas uh channel

02:38:22.880 oh yeah they're great man i made my first uh album with them yeah yeah yeah so yeah that's uh i'm super

02:38:28.080 excited about it man and a tour is is going on sale the same day okay nice yeah i got the whole tour

02:38:34.000 coming up i mean geez the next year uh everything's fine tour tickets at salvacano comedy.com so it's a

02:38:40.640 big week you know next week yeah everything so hopefully people want to come see me hopefully

02:38:45.120 people want to come watch it and uh want to watch it yeah thanks for coming and talking about that

02:38:49.200 with me man um yeah that's so exciting so to have a a big tour heading out um right on the back of

02:38:56.160 the special launch and it's your it's crazy it's your first special yeah it's my this is my first

02:39:00.240 special and not my first tour but like right no no to come out together it's like it's like a big

02:39:05.360 like hold your breath day you know what i mean like because it's been a long road it's a long

02:39:08.400 road for a comedian to get to his first special it means so much yeah you know how you know i remember

02:39:12.800 your first netflix one uh oh people are so excited when you yeah when you get a chance to do your first

02:39:17.520 special it's like yeah i'm doing this i've dude i worked so hard i mean i know we all do it just

02:39:23.120 like i was in this zone you know never mind that it's like 10 years of whatever the material but like

02:39:28.560 just the last like ramping up to it the last six months i i spent hours on it every single day

02:39:33.680 for like to the point of the day after i filmed it i felt like i was going to pass out because it's

02:39:38.000 like i can't believe i don't have to think about this thing oh yeah getting meticulous with stuff

02:39:41.760 you know like the every little thing you know yeah getting it like that and i and and everyone

02:39:46.880 that worked on me with it i just want to say thank you because they did such i had a huge team

02:39:50.160 it's they did such a good job i think it looks really great like i just it's just it just i'm

02:39:54.800 really i'm it's i'm proud of it you know as i hope i hope you i'm anxious because you know like

02:39:58.960 you get like people that just they don't care they're gonna hate you no matter what yeah you

02:40:03.360 know but i i really it's very it's personal you know um and uh yeah and then the tour launching

02:40:09.280 with it i hope it like i just i'm just hoping for big things you know like stay you know i just

02:40:14.400 because i'm yeah you know i just want to go ahead like i just want to be full-on stand-up and and

02:40:18.400 you know like i said i'm lucky that we got another season of the show and stuff but you know after

02:40:22.400 that it's kind of like what i you know what i'm jumping into but it's been tough touring non-stop

02:40:27.280 you know with the show but dude this is just like i'm i'm really i'm just psyched so thanks

02:40:32.720 for having me thanks let me talk about it and stuff yeah no it's huge man i mean that's

02:40:36.960 like oh yeah getting your first special um man yeah i i know uh we just realized that your

02:40:43.200 time we got to get you out of here yeah my flight board's in 17 minutes i'm sorry i didn't

02:40:46.720 mean to run out like that i'm gonna talk to you for another two hours dude yeah same same here

02:40:50.320 man we can um i'll have to come up and visit you guys please and uh and um come and come over that

02:40:55.760 come over the house have dinner and stuff yeah i'd love to man i love you man i love you buddy i'm

02:41:00.240 just happy to get to spend time with you today this is just i told you i texted you i was excited

02:41:04.720 so excited to see you you didn't disappoint i always love uh catching up with you bro thanks

02:41:08.320 man same congratulations on your first comedy special thanks bro you started off a comedian you

02:41:12.640 still are man and thank you for all the years of entertainment sabal canna appreciate you

02:41:16.480 now i'm just floating on the breeze and i feel i'm falling like these leaves i must be cornerstone

02:41:27.280 oh but when i reach that ground i'll share this peace of mind i found i can feel it in my bones

02:41:37.760 it's gonna take

02:41:48.720 you

This Past Weekend with Theo Von - May 28, 2024

E506 Sal Vulcano

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