This Past Weekend with Theo Von - Great Expectations

00:00:00.000 You know, I have to pee right now. I gotta do some urine, but I'm not gonna.

00:00:06.480 I'm not gonna.

00:00:08.560 You ever do that?

00:00:11.080 You know you gotta, you just ride that full bag, baby, you know?

00:00:18.360 I'm just like a...

00:00:21.660 I mean, I should be surfing right now.

00:00:23.420 I got, you know, I'm basically, I'm like whatever that surfer guy's name is.

00:00:30.740 Just riding that yellow right now.

00:00:32.860 Dude, I am full.

00:00:35.000 My body's full right now of urine, but I'm not gonna pee.

00:00:38.720 I'm gonna ride that bag and stay in the pocket and do my work.

00:00:44.280 And do this episode right here.

00:00:48.800 I'm gonna tough it out. That's who I am today.

00:00:51.300 I'm somebody that's gonna tough it out.

00:00:55.920 Damn it.

00:01:14.520 Celebrate living.

00:01:18.980 Celebrate misery.

00:01:21.300 You know that soon we're gonna die.

00:01:30.520 Let's have some fun while we all die.

00:01:36.580 Celebrate dark days.

00:01:37.780 Celebrate dark days.

00:01:45.060 Celebrate all your things or ways.

00:01:50.060 I'm not even sure what they say in it, but...

00:01:51.780 That is Celebrate by Spencer Jacob Growl, who is a musician.

00:01:57.500 He lent us that song.

00:01:59.620 And that's a real happening tune.

00:02:03.680 And music is neat.

00:02:05.540 Isn't music neat?

00:02:06.280 Because it's like a...

00:02:09.060 You know, it's something that gets into your body.

00:02:11.920 It's almost like ants.

00:02:14.640 Music is like ants.

00:02:16.000 And they crawl in the ear.

00:02:18.660 And sometimes the ants are real chill.

00:02:20.400 They crawl slow.

00:02:21.540 And they vibing.

00:02:22.460 And they're from Jamaica.

00:02:25.120 And they're smoking that ganji.

00:02:28.240 They got them big horse-legged hitters.

00:02:30.600 Them giants.

00:02:31.220 You know what I'm saying.

00:02:33.520 They got them big giants.

00:02:37.860 But now other times you'll get those ants.

00:02:42.800 And they're climbing into your sound holes.

00:02:46.740 In your ears.

00:02:47.560 And they're looking, you know...

00:02:49.020 They're flying fast.

00:02:51.100 And they're staying busy.

00:02:53.060 Them big body.

00:02:54.300 Them big dogs inside of you.

00:02:56.760 And that's what sound is.

00:02:58.100 Sound is just...

00:02:59.600 It's just really just a ghost.

00:03:02.020 That has a lot of noise in it.

00:03:03.440 And it just...

00:03:04.120 Just...

00:03:05.160 Gets right into your head.

00:03:06.580 It makes you feel some type of way.

00:03:10.780 Oh...

00:03:11.780 School.

00:03:13.620 School is back.

00:03:14.840 For a lot of families right now.

00:03:17.020 It's coming back.

00:03:19.140 This is the big weekend.

00:03:21.900 And thank you for...

00:03:23.600 Checking in.

00:03:24.440 This is the big last weekend.

00:03:29.340 Before school.

00:03:31.780 Remember?

00:03:33.880 Remember the summer was long.

00:03:37.540 You had summer camp.

00:03:39.520 And you might have went through a little bit of pervity.

00:03:42.200 You know what?

00:03:43.340 One day you wake up and your legs a little bit longer.

00:03:47.160 Or you got a little bit of hair on your kneecaps.

00:03:50.520 Or you got...

00:03:51.540 You know...

00:03:52.100 Maybe you get a little titty or something.

00:03:54.940 You wake up in the morning and you got a little titty.

00:03:59.200 And you fell asleep sans contit.

00:04:02.780 You know...

00:04:03.180 Without tit.

00:04:05.500 But you wake up in the morning and your shirt got a little bit of...

00:04:09.720 You know...

00:04:10.220 Some of your fat is kind of meeting up around your nipple like they smoking a jaunt.

00:04:16.120 Like your nipple was like a brown jaunt.

00:04:19.060 And some of your fat cells kind of met up around it to get that hitter, baby.

00:04:23.620 And that is a tit.

00:04:29.160 That's how a tit starts.

00:04:32.520 And man, we don't get them.

00:04:34.160 Some guys...

00:04:34.780 We had a fella that got some wild tits from Tennessee last year.

00:04:40.040 And he got tattoos on him and everything.

00:04:44.100 But a lot of men don't get a...

00:04:46.980 Don't get titty.

00:04:49.820 You know, a lot of men don't get titty.

00:04:52.640 But it is school time.

00:04:57.100 Dude, I remember when school was coming and...

00:05:00.840 You got in that last week and...

00:05:03.640 Summer was wrapping up.

00:05:05.460 Like about a week before, I would set my clothes out on my bed.

00:05:11.240 I knew what I was wearing.

00:05:13.820 Mom had got us two outfits.

00:05:18.160 One of them, you know, usually has some Jebo jeans or something.

00:05:24.160 And maybe a...

00:05:25.560 A Varnette t-shirt or something nice.

00:05:31.220 I had my Eastlands.

00:05:33.620 Them low-top Eastland hitters, baby.

00:05:36.680 Them foot boats, baby.

00:05:38.360 Them shoes.

00:05:40.680 And I'd get them hitters and lay them out.

00:05:42.820 I'd lay the pants out.

00:05:44.240 I'd even roll the pant legs up a little.

00:05:46.460 Like I was...

00:05:47.580 As if my body was on the ground.

00:05:49.300 I would lay my whole outfit on the ground and look at that bitch.

00:05:52.980 And say, damn, that boy.

00:05:55.860 He looks...

00:05:56.640 And he's gonna look nice.

00:06:00.320 And then I'd have my outfit.

00:06:01.720 I'd have it all...

00:06:02.860 And man, school came fast, man.

00:06:08.220 And you had your new clothes.

00:06:10.360 Boy!

00:06:12.340 Dude, and I would...

00:06:13.600 First day of school, I'd get my hair fixed.

00:06:16.180 Up!

00:06:17.780 I'd put everything in my hair.

00:06:19.600 Do I shampoo it?

00:06:20.900 Do I conditioner it?

00:06:22.640 Then I'd put a little damn...

00:06:24.600 You know, I'd put some musk powder in it.

00:06:27.520 I'd put a little gel.

00:06:29.620 I'd put a little foam.

00:06:31.160 I'd put a little moss in it.

00:06:33.980 I'd do it all.

00:06:35.100 I'd put some baby powder in the sides, boy.

00:06:38.240 In case the ladies come a-knocking.

00:06:41.660 This head smell is rocking.

00:06:47.040 Because, look, a lot of ladies, they want a baby.

00:06:49.980 That's genetic.

00:06:50.540 If you throw a baby up in the air and it's little enough, a lot of ladies will catch it right there.

00:06:58.900 In their vajet, bruh.

00:07:01.820 They'll catch it in that...

00:07:03.540 You know, that vagina net, boy.

00:07:07.440 They'll just do a headstand and...

00:07:10.960 Catch that bambin.

00:07:14.000 Because the ladies want that baby.

00:07:16.400 They want it.

00:07:18.920 Dude, if you put a baby on roller skates and send it by a couple ladies, they're going to follow it.

00:07:27.120 And that's 100% science.

00:07:29.560 So, you know, that's...

00:07:31.940 There's a lot of...

00:07:33.060 You got to know what's up.

00:07:35.060 So, that's the thing.

00:07:36.020 If you put a little baby powder in your hair, that's the bait and switch.

00:07:40.620 They...

00:07:40.980 They smell that baby.

00:07:44.700 And then, bam!

00:07:46.260 They get that man.

00:07:47.840 You feel me?

00:07:48.640 They get you.

00:07:51.160 And that's what it was.

00:07:53.260 Everything went in my hair first day of school.

00:07:56.540 Dude, I'd do everything to get the ladies to come around.

00:08:00.500 Looking at that poif, baby.

00:08:03.640 Looking at that hitter, baby.

00:08:05.240 See that?

00:08:07.380 Looking at that frickin' crisper.

00:08:09.920 I was a crisper potamus.

00:08:11.680 You feel me?

00:08:13.380 And everything went in my hair.

00:08:15.120 A little bit of cologne.

00:08:16.980 I'd even take a hit off that cologne if the thing...

00:08:20.900 You know, because some of that...

00:08:22.240 That Ralph Lauren.

00:08:23.960 They used to have that Ralph Lauren cologne.

00:08:26.240 Cologne.

00:08:27.440 And that shit was probably about nine proof.

00:08:31.120 And I'd put a little bit...

00:08:32.500 I'd pour, you know...

00:08:33.720 Pour a drop in each ear.

00:08:35.400 And then...

00:08:36.120 Just get that...

00:08:40.000 Get a little hit in myself, boy.

00:08:41.520 You drink enough cologne.

00:08:43.700 Your breath will smell good for...

00:08:45.740 Damn, at least two seasons.

00:08:47.880 You know, come winter.

00:08:48.760 You just...

00:08:49.680 You just easing off that positive scent you'd have in you.

00:08:54.440 And man, that first day...

00:08:56.120 My hair had it all.

00:08:59.800 My hair had it all.

00:09:01.560 Everything was in there.

00:09:03.060 I put all of...

00:09:03.880 Just...

00:09:04.780 Trying to put a little ketchup behind my ears.

00:09:07.100 Anything to get the ladies to look over at Papa.

00:09:11.120 And it was fun.

00:09:12.140 Remember the first day of school?

00:09:13.400 You showed up.

00:09:17.120 And no matter what I had on the outside...

00:09:19.480 But you were all excited.

00:09:20.840 Who's doing what?

00:09:21.900 Who's got a beard?

00:09:22.940 Who's pregnant?

00:09:24.460 Who failed?

00:09:25.420 Who didn't fail?

00:09:26.480 Who moved away?

00:09:27.580 Oh, dang.

00:09:28.980 Leonard moved away?

00:09:30.960 Who was Leonard?

00:09:31.760 I didn't even fucking know him, boy.

00:09:34.160 Bye, Leonard.

00:09:36.700 Somebody did this.

00:09:37.960 Somebody did something.

00:09:40.540 And you came back to school and you found out.

00:09:42.920 Oh, dang.

00:09:43.620 Patrick went to Texas.

00:09:45.080 How was it?

00:09:47.060 You know?

00:09:48.440 Little Jennifer, she caught a...

00:09:50.880 She caught a couple charges.

00:09:53.500 She was escorting outside of the A&P.

00:09:57.460 And you're like, damn.

00:09:58.400 Sorry, Jennifer.

00:10:00.840 And what else?

00:10:03.040 La Veldrin got his...

00:10:04.680 He got corn road.

00:10:06.220 Damn, La Veldrin.

00:10:08.060 That shit looks tasty.

00:10:11.600 And so everybody brought the tails from their summer back.

00:10:14.540 You know, somebody had a nice shirt.

00:10:17.960 They went to Florida.

00:10:19.040 Remember that?

00:10:21.200 Florida.

00:10:22.040 You see, they had the shirt set, Florida.

00:10:25.180 And that was the real hitter.

00:10:26.640 Somebody that went to Florida.

00:10:27.820 You're like, damn.

00:10:30.340 I mean, Florida was our moon, you know?

00:10:33.980 Florida was really our moon.

00:10:35.960 But there was no...

00:10:37.420 It was so exciting, but then also it was so nervous.

00:10:39.740 Because every year that first day of school was like, okay, are the girls going to like me this year?

00:10:48.320 You know, am I just going to be the...

00:10:50.860 Am I going to be...

00:10:51.680 Is any girl going to look at me?

00:10:53.360 You know, what's my vibe going to be?

00:10:55.880 Who am I?

00:10:57.900 And sometimes I...

00:10:59.300 You know, I come to school and I had bad acne.

00:11:01.600 And acne is just...

00:11:04.760 I mean, your dick is so wild.

00:11:06.340 And yet, when you're young, your dick is just such an animal.

00:11:09.220 It's trying to climb out of your head.

00:11:11.360 From the inside of you.

00:11:14.060 I mean, while you're laying there at night, your dick will run up through your neck up to your face

00:11:17.760 and try to jump out of your pores.

00:11:20.540 And your pores get all bruised from the inside.

00:11:22.720 And that's acne.

00:11:23.360 And it shows on the outside.

00:11:25.680 And they got a little bit of bust.

00:11:27.060 And some of them got a little bit of bust.

00:11:28.380 Because that's...

00:11:29.340 I mean, you're just...

00:11:30.340 Your hormones are so vibrant.

00:11:35.400 Your hormones, they...

00:11:36.740 You know...

00:11:37.760 They...

00:11:38.140 They're wilding.

00:11:40.920 And they try...

00:11:41.760 And your dick just scooting around inside of you.

00:11:44.260 Trying to bust out of your face at night.

00:11:46.620 And leaving little divots and stuff.

00:11:50.320 And that's acne.

00:11:51.460 And that's another thing.

00:11:52.300 If you showed up with acne at school.

00:11:53.920 Remember?

00:11:55.140 Oh.

00:11:56.800 It broke my heart.

00:11:58.380 Dude, coming to school, you had a huge zit on you.

00:12:02.600 That thing was heavy.

00:12:03.580 Some of them...

00:12:05.260 Dude, I had acne so bad.

00:12:06.800 One time, I remember having one zit.

00:12:08.480 It was kind of heavy on the side of my face.

00:12:10.480 Like, damn.

00:12:12.880 I couldn't even...

00:12:13.960 I had to have one of my buddies kind of just pull down on my other ear.

00:12:17.540 You know?

00:12:18.100 Just to keep my head straight.

00:12:20.460 Because I had that heavy Z, baby.

00:12:22.440 That big zitty.

00:12:24.340 That baked zitty on my side.

00:12:26.580 I was fully Italian.

00:12:28.140 That...

00:12:28.700 You know?

00:12:30.420 That little bust lump.

00:12:32.080 That acne.

00:12:32.720 That...

00:12:33.280 That thing's trying to...

00:12:35.780 Because you were just so horny.

00:12:37.340 Remember?

00:12:38.680 Remember how horny you were as a boy?

00:12:41.120 As a child?

00:12:43.560 Remember that?

00:12:44.320 Dude, some kid died.

00:12:49.220 I remember when we went to his funeral.

00:12:50.680 He was erect in a coffin.

00:12:52.980 Like, damn.

00:12:56.000 Damn, Wallace is...

00:12:58.240 He's got that death bust in him.

00:12:59.980 He's trying to bust from beyond.

00:13:01.580 It was different, different time.

00:13:05.220 But I remember...

00:13:06.240 And I know a lot of you parents have your kids going back to school.

00:13:08.760 And just...

00:13:10.380 My thoughts are with you.

00:13:12.440 Because I know it's...

00:13:13.680 It's an exciting time.

00:13:15.260 And you guys are looking for a break.

00:13:16.680 It's probably been a long summer.

00:13:18.720 Out there.

00:13:20.340 And I remember my mom...

00:13:21.660 It was risky.

00:13:22.380 Every day she would leave the house.

00:13:24.200 And who knows that that thing was going to be standing when she got home.

00:13:31.340 Just...

00:13:31.980 Just a risk.

00:13:34.120 She just left a couple dang riskopotamuses just milling around.

00:13:38.640 Inside of the zoo that was our home.

00:13:41.140 When she went to work in the summertime.

00:13:47.340 What's going on?

00:13:48.120 My family was in town this past weekend.

00:13:50.480 My family came out here.

00:13:53.040 And it was cool.

00:13:54.660 You know, we went to Disneyland.

00:13:57.860 And...

00:13:58.700 And it was hectic and chaotic.

00:14:03.700 But it was nice.

00:14:05.780 You know, it was nice to...

00:14:07.040 My mother came.

00:14:08.360 My brother and my sister came.

00:14:10.660 They brought their children.

00:14:12.120 Five total children.

00:14:13.720 Beautiful children, you know.

00:14:14.980 And my family's lucky to...

00:14:17.980 You know, have five able-bodied children that are able to...

00:14:22.740 You know, see.

00:14:24.200 And experience and feel and be creative and...

00:14:29.700 And laugh and just...

00:14:32.220 You know, we're really fortunate.

00:14:34.500 That the...

00:14:35.540 You know, that we have a lot of health in our family.

00:14:38.440 And...

00:14:38.860 And it was nice.

00:14:40.660 You know, my mom was here.

00:14:42.900 And...

00:14:43.360 And it was nice.

00:14:45.980 It was the first time we'd all ever done something like that.

00:14:49.140 All together.

00:14:50.320 Rented a house.

00:14:51.780 Got a nice Airbnb.

00:14:52.800 And we stayed there together.

00:14:58.300 And it was a little tough for me because I've been dealing with a lot of stress.

00:15:01.820 And...

00:15:02.260 You know, sometimes I just have to be by myself.

00:15:04.280 I just can't...

00:15:06.300 You know, honestly, I was having trouble just being grateful.

00:15:10.260 And I feel a little sad sometimes because sometimes I go into an experience and I want it to be a certain way, you know.

00:15:21.860 I want...

00:15:23.760 You know, I want the...

00:15:25.760 You know, I want to...

00:15:27.360 You know, I know my family's coming so I think, oh, I'm going to be up and at them every morning.

00:15:31.840 And I'm going to be active and...

00:15:33.840 You know, I'm going to help out as much as I can.

00:15:37.100 And I'm going to just keep a positive attitude and this and that.

00:15:40.700 And then, you know, the weekend...

00:15:43.880 Finally, the week comes.

00:15:45.000 They're coming in town.

00:15:46.140 And I've been having to work a lot and just been overwhelmed.

00:15:50.320 And, you know, and I don't...

00:15:52.420 I was good.

00:15:53.560 You know, I was a good son.

00:15:54.880 I was a good uncle.

00:15:56.980 I was a good brother.

00:15:59.420 But it's never...

00:16:00.840 I guess sometimes I'll just have too much expectations.

00:16:05.760 You know, and it almost prevents me from enjoying stuff sometimes because...

00:16:10.360 My mind has already created...

00:16:13.160 You know, such a cliff that I can't...

00:16:16.440 The odds of me being on that cliff or being at that...

00:16:19.960 You know, my mind has created such a level that...

00:16:23.840 That the odds of me...

00:16:27.840 Of the reality...

00:16:28.840 Of the experience, once it comes...

00:16:32.820 Being at that level, they're probably very slim.

00:16:36.800 You know, I have this imagination or this...

00:16:39.840 Expectation...

00:16:41.840 In my head that, oh, everything's going to be like this.

00:16:45.140 And then the truth comes and look, the kids...

00:16:47.000 They're kids.

00:16:49.360 One of them, you know...

00:16:50.840 They're wiling out and they're having fun...

00:16:52.840 And they're in a new place...

00:16:54.580 And there's a swimming pool...

00:16:55.940 And they're...

00:16:56.840 They're being kids.

00:16:58.920 And...

00:16:59.840 You know, the truth is...

00:17:01.840 My mom's driving me nuts half the time.

00:17:07.840 And so, you know...

00:17:08.880 And the truth is...

00:17:09.520 I know sometimes I'm probably driving people nuts.

00:17:11.660 So I take myself out...

00:17:13.300 I go put myself in a bedroom for a little bit by myself.

00:17:15.860 So I don't bother anybody.

00:17:18.700 Sometimes I...

00:17:19.520 I gotta babysit myself, you know.

00:17:23.600 And the reality is...

00:17:24.900 We had a great time.

00:17:25.880 It was fun.

00:17:28.200 You know, we worked as a team.

00:17:31.540 You know, somebody would cook breakfast...

00:17:33.580 And I was...

00:17:34.400 You know, what did I do?

00:17:35.440 I did...

00:17:37.160 How did I contribute?

00:17:38.360 I played with the kids.

00:17:39.540 You know, I...

00:17:45.480 Made sure all the audio-visual stuff...

00:17:48.760 If we were watching a movie...

00:17:50.120 Or the kids wanted to watch...

00:17:51.900 They had this cool little...

00:17:53.260 Projector outside that would be on the wall...

00:17:55.580 So the kids could watch TV outside.

00:17:57.440 And that was really cool.

00:17:58.760 That's one nice thing about California.

00:18:01.360 The weather...

00:18:02.260 They got an outside projector...

00:18:04.460 Sometimes.

00:18:06.040 And so, you know...

00:18:07.020 And so I helped with that...

00:18:09.540 What else?

00:18:13.280 I was good.

00:18:13.880 You know, I contributed as much as I could.

00:18:17.420 I was good at Disney.

00:18:18.720 I kept things moving.

00:18:19.780 I stayed positive.

00:18:22.980 You know, I didn't...

00:18:24.040 I didn't be greedy at all.

00:18:26.300 If it came to finances, I...

00:18:28.040 You know, I over-contributed...

00:18:30.160 Or contributed as much as I could afford.

00:18:35.040 So...

00:18:35.480 So...

00:18:36.040 And the truth is, we had a great time.

00:18:37.380 The thing for me was just my expectations.

00:18:40.860 Sometimes I build these crazy expectations...

00:18:43.380 That life is never going to live up to.

00:18:46.140 Because it's life.

00:18:47.820 And there's variables.

00:18:49.200 And there's just...

00:18:50.960 So I got to manage my expectations sometimes.

00:18:54.020 You know...

00:18:54.700 But I live and learn, man.

00:18:57.440 You know, I live and learn all the time.

00:18:58.840 And that's all we do.

00:18:59.680 I ain't winning this deal.

00:19:04.860 You know what I'm saying?

00:19:05.520 We're all getting second place.

00:19:07.780 Nobody's getting...

00:19:09.100 Dude, we ain't getting first, bro.

00:19:12.020 We ain't...

00:19:12.440 Or I'm not getting first, man.

00:19:15.380 You know, progress, not perfection.

00:19:17.500 And...

00:19:17.680 And I know if I go to...

00:19:19.920 You know, I need to go to some more AA meetings.

00:19:22.000 And I've been...

00:19:22.800 You know, neglecting my program.

00:19:25.180 And...

00:19:25.660 And I know if I do that...

00:19:28.100 And...

00:19:28.940 Then I'll get rid of a lot of the stress that I have inside of me.

00:19:33.700 Because I'm living life...

00:19:34.940 You know, I'm trying to just...

00:19:37.020 I'm...

00:19:37.440 It's all my own will.

00:19:38.540 I want everything to...

00:19:40.180 And I got to recognize that the world is going to be what it's going to be.

00:19:44.000 And I can't have a lot of expectations.

00:19:46.900 You know?

00:19:47.460 Not for the...

00:19:48.240 From the whole world.

00:19:49.020 I can expect things out of myself.

00:19:51.540 But I can't...

00:19:53.600 Be combative with the way the world is.

00:19:56.340 Or how other people are.

00:19:58.840 It's just...

00:19:59.460 I'll lose every time.

00:20:01.960 So...

00:20:02.460 So I'm trying to find a little more gratitude, man.

00:20:06.520 And...

00:20:06.920 And, uh...

00:20:08.460 And, man, in my heart goes out.

00:20:10.140 I was saying, you know...

00:20:11.020 These news stories with these shootings and...

00:20:13.460 And, uh...

00:20:14.980 My heart goes out to...

00:20:16.640 Uh...

00:20:17.000 The people in those cities.

00:20:18.100 And the people that are affected by those things.

00:20:19.860 And...

00:20:20.260 And, uh...

00:20:23.860 And, um...

00:20:25.860 Um...

00:20:26.560 My heart goes out to them.

00:20:28.260 Um...

00:20:28.860 What else is going on?

00:20:30.720 Yeah, we...

00:20:31.280 Well, we had a nice time.

00:20:32.300 And I hate to brush over, you know, the family visit.

00:20:34.420 But we went to Disneyland.

00:20:37.260 And my thing is...

00:20:39.420 My thing about Disney...

00:20:41.860 Dude, I like watching...

00:20:43.460 I love seeing Asian people...

00:20:46.980 Eat big things.

00:20:50.280 And I used to watch it on the internet.

00:20:52.220 They used to have a good series out there...

00:20:54.760 On the YouTube about...

00:20:57.240 It was a lot of, uh...

00:20:58.680 Chinese and kind of...

00:21:00.300 You know...

00:21:00.980 Kind of Mekos.

00:21:03.060 Kind of mini Koreans.

00:21:04.280 Eating, uh...

00:21:05.440 Big pieces of pound cake.

00:21:07.560 And you could see them on their...

00:21:08.880 You know, and it's beautiful.

00:21:10.080 Because, you know, Asians are probably one of the top...

00:21:15.220 Easily top four ethnicities.

00:21:16.820 Or five.

00:21:19.020 And when you see them, they're so docile.

00:21:21.380 And they're so...

00:21:23.580 And this is a...

00:21:24.380 I'm talking...

00:21:24.980 Some of the newer generation is more active.

00:21:27.640 You know, you got more, uh...

00:21:29.380 You know, you got a lot more...

00:21:32.380 You know, they got a lot more gunpowder in them.

00:21:35.480 Some of the, you know...

00:21:36.400 Kind of more recent Asians.

00:21:38.680 But I'm talking...

00:21:39.520 You go back a generation...

00:21:40.780 You got a lot of DAs...

00:21:42.080 Boy, them docile Asians.

00:21:44.340 And man, watching one of them just...

00:21:46.900 Kind of just...

00:21:48.620 Just...

00:21:49.900 You know, just navigate a big piece of pound cake...

00:21:53.420 Or a big, uh...

00:21:54.740 Cotton candy.

00:21:56.260 With that small...

00:21:57.900 That small huffer.

00:21:59.280 They got that small mouth.

00:22:00.780 And God, it's beautiful.

00:22:02.380 It's beautiful.

00:22:03.380 It's like watching nature work.

00:22:04.700 And watching God work.

00:22:06.860 And so, that's one thing I love about Disneyland.

00:22:09.380 Is seeing...

00:22:10.980 Just...

00:22:12.100 Just...

00:22:12.700 I mean, you...

00:22:13.700 And you got to pay attention.

00:22:15.920 There's not a sign that says...

00:22:17.240 Hey, hey, buddy.

00:22:18.060 Over here.

00:22:19.680 Look at the Lord work over here.

00:22:22.520 You got to...

00:22:23.160 You got to navigate and see what's going on.

00:22:25.960 And sometimes on a park bench just off of your...

00:22:29.060 You know, outside of your...

00:22:31.180 You got to kind of go like that.

00:22:32.820 And they'll see...

00:22:33.260 You'll see a park bench.

00:22:34.460 And they'll have two beautiful...

00:22:35.720 Aseans, baby Asians.

00:22:38.200 Beautiful.

00:22:39.700 And they are...

00:22:40.600 And they're a beautiful culture.

00:22:41.600 And you'll see them...

00:22:43.040 You know, one of them with like a big turkey leg.

00:22:46.540 And one of them with a...

00:22:47.960 A big cotton candy in there.

00:22:50.120 It seems like they're whispering to it.

00:22:52.940 But they're ingesting it.

00:22:54.080 It's beautiful.

00:22:54.980 I mean, it's really...

00:22:56.660 It's something that's...

00:22:58.660 You know, I'm surprised it's not in more travel guides.

00:23:02.380 But I love that.

00:23:03.340 I love that about Disneyland.

00:23:04.400 And just everybody having fun.

00:23:09.400 And we enjoyed it.

00:23:10.460 And we made the most of it.

00:23:11.700 And the kids are crying.

00:23:13.280 And they're fighting.

00:23:14.120 And somebody drank a bunch of bubbles.

00:23:15.760 But that's life.

00:23:20.000 That's life.

00:23:21.920 And I got to realize that I'm grateful to be in it.

00:23:25.600 And I am.

00:23:27.280 And I am.

00:23:30.020 You know, and I think I've just been struggling a lot with just my gratitude.

00:23:33.960 And just remembering to be grateful.

00:23:38.540 Because my life is good, man.

00:23:39.980 I'm healthy.

00:23:40.840 You know, I'm able to breathe.

00:23:42.980 You know, I have a career that I want.

00:23:45.760 You know, I have people that love me.

00:23:54.880 You know, I have a mother that's alive I can talk to.

00:23:59.060 I have a brother that I know cares about me.

00:24:01.440 Till the end of the world.

00:24:04.260 You know, I have...

00:24:05.960 I have the ability to love others.

00:24:12.600 I have legs that work.

00:24:15.760 You know, so I can be...

00:24:18.980 I can help others.

00:24:20.960 You know, I can take action.

00:24:22.740 I have a voice.

00:24:24.300 I can speak.

00:24:24.980 I have dreams.

00:24:30.460 And I have the ability to take action on some of them.

00:24:35.680 You know?

00:24:36.980 And, you know, I just have a lot of blessings.

00:24:41.360 And I just...

00:24:43.100 I hate when I forget that.

00:24:45.200 Because it leaves me in a space where I am.

00:24:51.920 I don't know.

00:24:52.620 I just hate myself when I'm not that.

00:24:54.600 I don't hate myself, but I don't...

00:24:56.500 I just...

00:24:57.300 I've lived in gratitude before.

00:25:00.100 And, man, it is a good place to be.

00:25:05.280 You know, because when you're grateful, you're not alone.

00:25:07.620 And you're not in judgment.

00:25:12.000 That's the thing.

00:25:12.560 I just hate being judgmental.

00:25:13.820 I hate it.

00:25:15.140 And it's tough because I'm a comedian and there's part of that in there.

00:25:17.780 But there's...

00:25:19.340 I hate it when...

00:25:21.320 You know?

00:25:22.000 I don't know.

00:25:23.100 Everything's going to be okay.

00:25:24.340 I'm just going to work...

00:25:25.420 I'm going to do a little bit better of being in gratitude.

00:25:27.580 And I'm thankful for you guys.

00:25:28.780 I'm thankful...

00:25:30.620 You know, we got sold out shows this week in Sacramento.

00:25:33.340 I think Las Vegas is almost sold out for this weekend.

00:25:36.940 And they say that that rarely happens because it's a...

00:25:40.080 You know, Las Vegas is a destination city.

00:25:42.580 But I'll be in Sacramento on the 8th and 9th of this week.

00:25:47.640 And then on the 10th, Saturday night, I'll be in Las Vegas.

00:25:51.560 So you guys can come out.

00:25:53.740 Theovon.com slash tour.

00:25:57.060 Also coming up shows in Brea.

00:25:59.800 Biloxi.

00:26:01.760 Scotland.

00:26:02.280 Dublin.

00:26:03.740 Oslo.

00:26:04.420 Stockholm.

00:26:05.560 London.

00:26:06.200 Manchester.

00:26:07.300 And Amsterdam.

00:26:08.460 We just added another show in Sayerville, New Jersey on October 3rd.

00:26:15.160 And there's just...

00:26:17.020 There's a lot of shows.

00:26:18.180 Theovon.com slash tour.

00:26:20.180 T-O-U-R.

00:26:24.320 Well, I'll tell you this.

00:26:25.880 If you like sex...

00:26:27.400 And I know people do because...

00:26:29.120 Sometimes if you put your ear up to the wind, you could hear people fucking, bruh, in the distance.

00:26:36.780 And if you like sex, then you will love blue chew.

00:26:40.540 Blue chew, baby.

00:26:41.860 Blue chew.

00:26:43.380 Blue chew.

00:26:45.180 A blue chew.

00:26:45.980 It's almost like somebody sneezed like, blue chew.

00:26:49.700 But it's not.

00:26:50.600 It's erection.

00:26:52.240 Blue chew offers men a performance enhancement for the bedroom or kitchen.

00:26:56.140 Boy, fuck where you want to.

00:26:58.080 That's what I say.

00:27:00.400 Wouldn't you like to last longer and go extra rounds?

00:27:03.520 I wouldn't.

00:27:04.520 But I'm not you.

00:27:07.140 At bluechew.com, you can get the first chewables with the same active ingredients as Viagra and Cialis.

00:27:15.380 Chewables can work faster than pills, up to twice as fast.

00:27:19.540 But the chewables from Blue Chew can be taken on a full or empty stomach.

00:27:24.560 First of all, I ain't the type of guy that's going to be doing sex on a full stomach.

00:27:31.780 Boy, are you crazy?

00:27:33.920 Are you crazy?

00:27:36.220 What, you think I'm going to have two pork chops and then sprout a T-bone?

00:27:41.200 Hell no.

00:27:42.800 I fuck on empty.

00:27:44.460 I'm that bad boy.

00:27:46.500 I fuck on empty, son.

00:27:48.700 And even masturbate.

00:27:49.580 I won't even masturbate on a full stomach.

00:27:51.360 That's, what are we?

00:27:53.420 What year is it, 1930?

00:27:56.080 I mean, come on, guys.

00:27:58.080 Come on.

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00:28:18.220 You and your partner will love it.

00:28:20.280 Chew it and do it.

00:28:23.120 Yeah, man.

00:28:24.000 Get in there, boy.

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00:28:46.920 The online physician consult is free, so it's cheaper than those other two fancy pills you hear about.

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00:28:57.300 Use promo code Theo.

00:29:00.420 And look, you know, I've been through, I've had all the erectile problems.

00:29:05.180 I mean, I've done, you know, dude, I remember about five years I didn't even have an erection.

00:29:09.780 So if you saw me, you'd be like, damn, that guy just got a lot of loose skin around his kind of near his nuts.

00:29:16.820 And that was my wiener.

00:29:18.540 But not anymore.

00:29:19.480 If I need to get hit, if I need to get that Tony Gwynn, then I throw that blue Chew.

00:29:25.540 I throw it in my gums, boy.

00:29:27.720 So let's get to a couple calls here that came in.

00:29:31.080 And the hotline, as always, is 985-664-9503.

00:29:37.400 And if you're struggling with something, you know, and you need somebody to reach out to or something like that, you can hit the hotline.

00:29:44.020 And we listen to every call that comes in.

00:29:46.420 And thank you for being a part of this past weekend and this experience.

00:29:52.420 Gang, bruh.

00:29:53.480 Always.

00:29:54.980 Gang, man.

00:29:55.660 Hi, Theo.

00:29:57.000 This is Angel in Tulsa, Oklahoma.

00:29:59.480 I actually got the pleasure to meet you.

00:30:02.840 You helped my family out.

00:30:04.180 We had a great loss.

00:30:06.560 Oh, Angel, I do remember that, actually.

00:30:09.060 Thank you guys for coming out.

00:30:10.160 I believe you're...

00:30:12.120 I want to say...

00:30:13.140 Hold on.

00:30:15.300 I have my booklet here.

00:30:16.600 Usually I have some of that stuff written down.

00:30:17.960 But I believe your mother had passed away.

00:30:20.440 Let's hear more.

00:30:21.180 And I was listening to the podcast last night, and I've been thinking about it.

00:30:26.860 And, you know, don't stop being a bright light just because somebody's, you know, having a bad day.

00:30:33.720 We don't know what that woman was going through, but I'm a single mom with three boys.

00:30:37.960 And, you know, I would never treat anybody like that.

00:30:40.760 But some people just weren't raised right.

00:30:42.640 And some people just don't have that God spark to say, hey, I'm doing somebody wrong.

00:30:49.140 Or, you know, we're lucky that we have that kind of spirit in us.

00:30:53.060 And, you know, I work with people daily doing hospice.

00:30:57.420 And I listen to your podcast.

00:30:59.740 And it just always brings, like, an uplifting spirit.

00:31:02.620 And what you do for single moms is just amazing.

00:31:05.740 So don't let this one nasty lady who is probably having a nasty day ruin your spirit.

00:31:13.180 We love you.

00:31:14.080 Gang, gang.

00:31:14.940 Gang, gang.

00:31:16.100 Thank you for the call, Angel.

00:31:19.660 I appreciate that.

00:31:22.120 Yeah, and I know you were talking about last week with the, you know,

00:31:26.880 they had the single mom came out to San Francisco.

00:31:30.280 And she really, really shit the bed.

00:31:32.540 And, you know, and I think I had expectations.

00:31:39.120 You know, I think I had, you know, I wanted it to go a certain way.

00:31:43.080 And there's things I can't control, though.

00:31:46.040 You're right.

00:31:47.080 You know, and I felt a little bad about it.

00:31:48.680 I thought a little bit about it.

00:31:49.980 Like, part of me is like, you know, I don't know what that lady, you know,

00:31:54.920 you can't make people do anything.

00:31:58.920 You know, and I'm sure there's been times in my life

00:32:02.060 when people tried to help me and I shit on them.

00:32:04.780 Or I didn't do, you know, I could have done better.

00:32:08.960 Dude, I remember some people, you know,

00:32:10.560 they let me come live with them when I was a child.

00:32:13.040 And the neighbors was lesbians.

00:32:14.820 And I would drive through the yard in the morning

00:32:16.580 in a 1984 Ford Escort

00:32:18.660 and pour vodka out the window for no real reason.

00:32:21.880 And it wasn't because they were lesbians.

00:32:24.120 They happened to be lesbians.

00:32:25.340 And their yard happened to be across the street.

00:32:27.240 But I'm sure when those people opened their doors to me,

00:32:30.800 they weren't thinking, oh, yeah, this boy going to go hot wheeling,

00:32:33.260 you know, through these munchers fucking hedges.

00:32:36.620 You feel me?

00:32:37.220 So, yeah, we all do stuff.

00:32:41.660 But, yeah, you're right.

00:32:42.800 I appreciate you saying that.

00:32:44.280 And, yeah, I just, you know, I'm going to limit my expectations

00:32:48.260 or try to and do what I can.

00:32:52.400 And we do what we can.

00:32:54.240 I think part of it is, yeah, it's like we got a group.

00:32:56.260 We do some good.

00:32:56.880 We're trying to do a little bit of good.

00:32:59.360 And most of the time we succeed.

00:33:01.400 I mean, out there in Tulsa, you know,

00:33:02.860 we had two single moms came out to Kane's ballroom over there.

00:33:06.520 And, boy, that was a show.

00:33:08.820 We put it on them.

00:33:11.120 And God bless all the single mothers

00:33:12.700 getting their children ready for school.

00:33:15.360 Come on up on this week.

00:33:16.580 I know you need a break.

00:33:18.840 And bless you, young lady, for working in hospice.

00:33:22.820 You know, you're right there on the front lines of life and death.

00:33:28.300 And that's, you know, my brother, his wife's grandmother

00:33:34.000 passed away last week.

00:33:35.640 And she was a beautiful woman.

00:33:38.300 Man, she always made me feel good every time I saw her.

00:33:41.840 Avis, that was her name.

00:33:43.860 Mama Avis.

00:33:45.120 And she always made me feel good.

00:33:46.480 And I know she was in hospice right before she passed.

00:33:49.080 And I know you guys are right there.

00:33:53.580 And it takes a special person to do that work.

00:33:56.840 And so thank you very much for doing that, Angel.

00:34:01.860 Let's take some other calls that came in.

00:34:03.880 985-664-9503.

00:34:07.060 School's almost back.

00:34:08.480 Dude, I wouldn't.

00:34:11.880 Here's the tough thing.

00:34:14.380 First of all, spending time with my nieces and nephews this past weekend

00:34:17.300 set me back a couple years on wanting to have children.

00:34:21.220 Man.

00:34:22.900 They are so energetic.

00:34:24.660 And their parents have to be so patient.

00:34:28.300 And what if your kid ain't even smart?

00:34:30.020 And you got to get him ready for school.

00:34:32.620 You, you know, you spending $130 getting him a bunch of, you know.

00:34:37.820 Some new zapatos for La Escuela.

00:34:40.980 And you know he ain't even fucking smart.

00:34:44.120 That's got to be crazy.

00:34:45.940 You know, you sending little freaking, you know, little, little Mark or little Darius

00:34:55.220 or little Hector.

00:34:58.080 You got him $130.

00:35:00.140 You got him a new pencil pouch.

00:35:02.680 And you hugging him and saying, oh, yeah, you're going to have fun this year, buddy.

00:35:08.020 Then you close the door and go to your room.

00:35:10.040 And you're like, damn, he, my child is, he's dumb as fuck, man.

00:35:15.340 He'll be lucky to get through this shit.

00:35:17.060 That's got to be crazy.

00:35:20.400 Dude, parents must have to pretend so much, huh?

00:35:24.080 That's so fascinating, man.

00:35:26.800 You're giving him $2 for lunch knowing he's just going to be fueling up

00:35:30.560 to go back to a class that he ain't even going to fucking do well in.

00:35:36.480 Man, that's crazy, man.

00:35:37.920 Shout out to all the parents out there.

00:35:41.120 You guys are warriors.

00:35:43.120 Warriors, you guys are warriors.

00:35:44.880 I witnessed so many of y'all at Disneyland this weekend working the front lines

00:35:50.340 of raising children.

00:35:53.440 And it was pretty beautiful, man, just seeing the families all just doing the best

00:35:57.380 they could to make it a nice experience for their kids and the sacrifice.

00:36:01.680 And it's beautiful.

00:36:03.480 You know, it's beautiful.

00:36:04.220 And my mother took my brother and I there when I was young.

00:36:06.560 And I'm sure she probably had to sacrifice a lot to do that.

00:36:11.940 And so it was nice to have that memory while I was there this weekend.

00:36:18.600 Let's take another call.

00:36:20.080 How's it going, Theo?

00:36:20.980 This is Will from Burlington, Vermont.

00:36:23.700 What's up, Will from Burlington?

00:36:26.160 In Burlington, Vermont, I've always wanted to go.

00:36:30.700 And my luggage went once.

00:36:36.660 Southwest Airlines messed my luggage up and sent it over there to you guys.

00:36:40.980 And I don't know what happened to it.

00:36:42.840 Fuck, somebody probably wearing some of my shit right now.

00:36:45.560 I did have a nice crew neck sweatshirt that I really, it was kind of Heather Gray or something.

00:36:52.160 And it said, boys will be boys on the back.

00:36:56.000 So if anybody sees anybody wearing it over there, outside of, I think it was Manchester, Vermont, maybe, or something.

00:37:02.660 I don't know.

00:37:03.560 I don't know at all, actually.

00:37:05.560 Let's hear more.

00:37:07.320 Just listen to your podcast where you put that guy on blast for recommending a single mom that wasn't, didn't really behave that well.

00:37:17.600 And I thought that was kind of messed up of you to do that.

00:37:22.460 I'm a huge fan, but, I mean, that guy, I mean, that guy probably really looks up to you.

00:37:28.240 And, I mean, you know, he was just trying to do something nice for somebody who he thought was fine.

00:37:36.980 And, you know, it turns out, obviously, that she may have been kind of an alcoholic or something along those lines.

00:37:43.460 But, I mean, he obviously didn't know that, and, I don't know, I just feel like you just kind of, you put him on blast.

00:37:50.280 You called him during his lunch break, and you kind of took out your anger on him.

00:37:54.460 And, I don't know, I didn't like that.

00:37:57.600 I mean, that being said, it was pretty entertaining.

00:38:00.880 But, I mean, he's, you know, you're probably one of his role models.

00:38:06.540 I think you should have directed that anger towards the woman.

00:38:09.620 She really, she really screwed up.

00:38:11.960 But, oh, well, I appreciate it, man.

00:38:14.940 I appreciate the call.

00:38:19.300 Yeah, you know, I felt bad about that.

00:38:22.220 When we got to the end of the episode, I was driving home, and I was thinking, man, I felt like I forgot something.

00:38:27.940 You ever know that?

00:38:28.880 You might be somewhere, and you forget something.

00:38:32.000 Maybe you had a camp out or something, and you drive halfway home.

00:38:37.100 You realize, you know, man, you pat in your pocket.

00:38:40.080 You're like, damn, I left my, you know, maybe a Playboy magazine or a Hustler or a club.

00:38:46.060 One of them, you know, a little bit of jerk-off kind of, you know, novellas, really, or magazines.

00:38:53.500 Something you could jerk around to.

00:38:55.200 Pictures, mostly.

00:38:56.940 You know, titties and everything.

00:38:58.200 But, yeah, man, I agree with you.

00:39:02.660 I felt like I forgot something, and I felt like, yeah, I took my anger out on that guy.

00:39:08.560 You know, I was angry.

00:39:11.320 I was angry, man.

00:39:13.180 And I can be angry, you know.

00:39:14.980 Sometimes I can be nice, and sometimes I can be angry.

00:39:17.040 I can be both of those people.

00:39:18.340 I can be somebody who is a loving person, and also somebody who overreacts sometimes and doesn't manage things well.

00:39:25.120 You know, I'm a, I am a, we all are.

00:39:30.680 We all are, we're more than one thing.

00:39:34.420 And that's a good point, man.

00:39:35.860 And that lady could be more than one thing.

00:39:38.140 You know, she could be a couple of things.

00:39:40.200 Now, also, if she's four things, three of those things could be a real bitch.

00:39:48.040 But, you're right, man.

00:39:49.900 Actually, I think, let me give this guy a call right now, Michael.

00:39:52.860 And, uh, at least leave him a voicemail.

00:40:05.700 Your call has been forwarded to an automated voice messaging system.

00:40:10.220 At the tone, please record your message.

00:40:12.560 When you've finished recording, you may hang up or press one for more options.

00:40:18.040 Hey, Michael, what's up, man?

00:40:19.580 This is Theo.

00:40:21.140 We spoke last week from the podcast.

00:40:24.880 You had submitted a single mom for San Francisco who was a real dragon.

00:40:31.080 But I just wanted to call and apologize.

00:40:35.800 You know, I feel like I was, you know, I was angry.

00:40:39.680 And, and I think I took it out on you.

00:40:43.320 And, uh, because I couldn't get in touch with the woman.

00:40:48.300 And, and maybe it's for the best.

00:40:49.880 Maybe I'm glad I didn't get, you know, into an argument with her.

00:40:53.400 I mean, I just shouldn't have been taking action when I was angry.

00:40:56.280 So, I just want to say I apologize.

00:40:58.820 And I hope you forgive me.

00:40:59.820 I'm sorry.

00:41:00.260 And, you know, and I appreciate you, you know, caring enough to check out the podcast.

00:41:08.540 And I know people can spend their time and their efforts doing anything.

00:41:13.320 And, uh, and the fact that you have spent any of it listening to my, listening to me is, uh, baffling.

00:41:22.680 And, uh, but I'm grateful.

00:41:24.260 And, um, and you cared enough to submit somebody.

00:41:27.680 And I'm sorry, uh, that it turned out kind of the way that it did.

00:41:31.320 Uh, but it certainly isn't your fault.

00:41:34.080 And it's not my fault either.

00:41:35.420 And, and, um, and we tried our best.

00:41:39.000 And, uh, yeah, and that's that.

00:41:41.380 And just, you know, if you check in with her, the single mother again, just tell her, I'm

00:41:46.180 sorry that, you know, uh, we couldn't make the evening something for her that she could

00:41:49.540 enjoy.

00:41:50.620 And I'm sorry that, uh, that she thought, um, that I was racist.

00:41:55.660 And I think part of it was that hurt my feelings, but still, no matter what, none of it, I should

00:42:00.180 have taken out on you.

00:42:01.180 So, um, thankfully we were able to find a, uh, a Mexican or Latino, uh, mother, single mom

00:42:08.720 and, uh, gift that we were going to give to your friend.

00:42:12.940 Um, we were able to find, uh, a young lady, uh, who's very deserving of it, which, you

00:42:19.620 know, we called her at the end of the episode the other day.

00:42:21.760 So, um, I'm sorry that your friend missed out on her gift and you just, uh, let her know

00:42:28.320 that I hope she, you know, I hope she, uh, I hope she's feeling better than she was, uh,

00:42:35.280 whenever she came out to dinner into the show.

00:42:38.580 And, um, and again, I'm sorry, man, I'm sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable.

00:42:42.920 And, uh, and if I put, you know, if I called him, I didn't, you know, if I, you know, I

00:42:48.220 called and put it on the show and, and, you know, it kind of wasn't fair.

00:42:53.560 So, uh, thank you very much for being somebody who cared enough to, um, to submit a single

00:42:59.980 mom.

00:43:00.240 Um, and, uh, and in the future, you know, I hope to be able to get you tickets or something

00:43:04.860 to a show and, and I'll repay you.

00:43:08.800 Fuck.

00:43:09.800 Beeps always ruin my life, but I think he gets it.

00:43:13.740 I hope that left.

00:43:16.320 Um, anyway, Jesus, that was a long voicemail.

00:43:22.260 That's it.

00:43:22.640 I'm chatty.

00:43:23.320 I am chatty, I guess, huh?

00:43:25.640 Uh, let's take another call, man.

00:43:27.680 And thank you to the caller for, uh, for bringing that up because it was something that was

00:43:32.360 on my mind.

00:43:33.280 All right, let's, uh, get into another single call in just a second.

00:43:37.780 I got to let you know that when you're selling online, getting orders out can be a real pain.

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00:45:39.240 Support this past weekend and go check it out.

00:45:42.340 Oh, let's take another call right here.

00:45:50.280 What's up, Theo?

00:45:51.680 Gang, gang.

00:45:52.660 This is Michael.

00:45:53.940 What up, Michael?

00:45:55.520 And Michael is a very, very popular name.

00:46:02.360 God.

00:46:02.880 Who is emailing somebody on Sunday night?

00:46:09.420 Sorry, Michael.

00:46:10.580 Very popular name, though.

00:46:11.740 Let's onward.

00:46:13.040 Calling you from sunny South Florida, Fort Lauderdale.

00:46:17.760 Just calling in.

00:46:18.740 Down on the Florida Keys.

00:46:22.180 A little place.

00:46:24.000 Come on.

00:46:24.880 Come on.

00:46:25.380 Just to give you a little comfort about the single mom debacle.

00:46:31.680 You know, they always say no good deed goes unpunished, but don't let that break your spirit.

00:46:36.880 I think people should just be nominating fans.

00:46:40.820 And that lady was obviously not a fan.

00:46:44.700 So that might be a little guideline to implement.

00:46:48.640 Second thing with Will the Busmeister.

00:46:52.540 I think a lot of guys, you know, they're in there doing business, and they got a little situation with that premature E-Jack.

00:47:03.500 Oh, yeah.

00:47:03.940 And I don't think they want to give away the details to their lady.

00:47:08.300 So that's why they end up riding it out and maybe get themselves in a situation.

00:47:16.420 Oh.

00:47:18.060 Oh.

00:47:18.780 Well, I didn't know that was something.

00:47:22.540 That premature ejaculation, or that P.E. boy, that P.E., you know, that pre-E-Jack.

00:47:32.160 I didn't know that a lot of guys, if they did it, they was ashamed of it and then stayed in there.

00:47:37.280 Ugh.

00:47:38.000 Who is that?

00:47:40.880 Who would do that, dude?

00:47:42.320 That seems crazy.

00:47:47.320 Bro, if you spill pudding in the kitchen, dude, and it's all over the place, you don't just stay in there with it.

00:47:57.020 You got to get out of the kitchen, man.

00:47:59.540 You got to go tell somebody, hey.

00:48:01.980 Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

00:48:03.660 You just spilled a bunch of pudding in the kitchen.

00:48:07.400 You know what I'm saying?

00:48:07.820 You got to have a plan.

00:48:11.200 You don't just pretend nobody spilled pudding in the kitchen.

00:48:15.760 You got pudding all over your legs.

00:48:19.500 You got pudding on your cheeks.

00:48:22.840 And you're going to pretend that nobody spilled pudding in the kitchen?

00:48:32.640 Guy, guy, guy, guy.

00:48:35.900 Unbelievable.

00:48:36.760 As far as the single mom, I think, look, 14 out of 15 single moms have been awesome.

00:48:50.660 Actually, about 13.

00:48:54.700 Or actually, you know, I think some of it's just expectations.

00:49:02.720 I had some expectations, you know.

00:49:04.220 We sent, you know, it's like, it's like, yeah, I had expectations.

00:49:14.960 And so I shouldn't have had them, you know.

00:49:18.140 Or my expectations should have stopped.

00:49:19.940 If no one submitted anybody, that would maybe should be something I could be bummed about.

00:49:24.860 But, you know, Mike will try to submit somebody.

00:49:27.780 We did our best.

00:49:28.440 Boom.

00:49:29.000 But, yeah, I think in the future, we'll just keep it as is.

00:49:33.340 And we'll just do our best.

00:49:34.600 And, you know, we should probably vet a little bit better, I think, on our end.

00:49:38.720 Just make sure that the lady isn't some, you know, kook.

00:49:42.000 But even then, you don't know.

00:49:43.880 And at some point, it's just out of our control.

00:49:46.060 All we can do is try our best.

00:49:47.420 So, let's hear another call right here.

00:49:51.080 Here we go.

00:49:52.640 Yo, this is Mike from Raleigh, North Carolina.

00:49:56.340 Big Mike over there in Raleigh.

00:49:57.920 And Raleigh Coleman was an assistant principal at one of my schools.

00:50:04.640 And he used to sleep in his car at lunch.

00:50:07.160 And he would deny it.

00:50:08.220 But I saw him get in there a couple times and kind of close the thing.

00:50:11.200 And he'd rest in there.

00:50:12.620 And he had a little thing.

00:50:13.800 He would tie it off and just breathe out the, um, by the keyhole.

00:50:17.920 He would take the key piece off and breathe through there.

00:50:20.200 Put his mouth by the air on the inside.

00:50:21.780 And breathe through there.

00:50:23.340 And sometimes take one of them little, a sack milk in there with him.

00:50:27.080 One of them sack milks.

00:50:28.180 You put that straw in and you just dexter that bitch and then hit it.

00:50:31.360 Remember those?

00:50:33.000 But, uh, and he also would sometimes wear roller skates at lunch and do a little athletics.

00:50:37.380 But go on, onward.

00:50:40.160 Not really a hot topic or anything.

00:50:43.200 I just thought it was kind of a crazy story.

00:50:44.820 I don't know if you ever heard a surprise baby story.

00:50:46.920 But the day after the 4th of July, we had a baby boy.

00:50:50.400 And we had no idea that was coming.

00:50:53.440 She took some tests back in November.

00:50:55.100 All came back not pregnant.

00:50:56.520 She was having her cycle, her hitter every month.

00:51:01.260 Oh, yeah.

00:51:01.680 That Tony Gwynn baby batting for the cycle, bruh.

00:51:05.200 It's like a brother gets loose inside of a woman, bruh.

00:51:07.800 That Tony Gwynn.

00:51:08.520 And they start acting wild, you know.

00:51:10.900 And they start just really, just, just really acting wild.

00:51:14.640 He never kicked one time.

00:51:16.760 And 4th of July, she thought she was constipated all day long.

00:51:20.220 I was driving around, going to go to a pool party, listening to King and the Sting.

00:51:25.520 And, you know, she said she thought she was constipated and feel good.

00:51:28.600 So we were going to go to the ER together.

00:51:31.320 And she ended up going home, going to sleep.

00:51:33.900 So I was just waiting to get that call.

00:51:35.220 She wanted to go.

00:51:35.820 But I never got a call.

00:51:36.720 Went by.

00:51:36.960 Her apartment car was gone.

00:51:39.040 Called the hospital.

00:51:39.920 Said they were getting, she was getting transported there.

00:51:43.500 And came by.

00:51:44.880 Her dad was outside waiting for me, saying I was going to be a daddy.

00:51:47.960 She was in labor.

00:51:48.960 And I just think it's funny, man.

00:51:50.520 You know, some people when they're, when they're pregnant, they give them all this, uh, the Beethoven.

00:51:55.120 Let the baby in the womb.

00:51:56.240 Let's all this stuff.

00:51:57.040 My kid was listening to this past weekend.

00:52:00.680 King and the Sting.

00:52:01.540 And that congratulations by Chris Delia.

00:52:03.960 Oh, God.

00:52:04.840 Sorry about that part.

00:52:05.800 Hope the kid will be okay.

00:52:08.540 Onward.

00:52:09.960 Yeah, I just thought you'd think that's cool, man.

00:52:11.600 Maybe he'll grow up to be a comedian one day.

00:52:15.440 That's all for me, man.

00:52:16.520 Gang, gang.

00:52:18.060 Gang, gang, bro.

00:52:19.500 He might be a comedian.

00:52:20.700 He might also grow up, uh, you know, to be a mime.

00:52:25.560 I mean, that dude must be hella quiet if nobody even knew he was in their body for nine months.

00:52:31.740 Think about it.

00:52:34.600 If I got something in my body for nine months and it doesn't make a peep, that's not even a baby, man.

00:52:43.720 That's a ninja.

00:52:46.420 Your wife had a ninja.

00:52:49.580 So, you might want to give that thing a piece of, you know, a big piece of pound cake or a big turkey leg or a cotton candy.

00:52:59.060 Because you got that low-key, that secret Asian, baby.

00:53:02.900 That's a damn ninja, dude.

00:53:04.280 If you didn't, dude, I never gone to the toilet and come back a parent.

00:53:10.780 I mean, that's dark arts, brother.

00:53:14.180 You know, and God bless you guys with the new baby and I'm so excited for you.

00:53:17.600 But I never, you know, I've never been over at, you know, at a chick's house and she busts a fart or something or a little bit of body gas.

00:53:26.720 And next thing you know, I'm a stepfather.

00:53:31.160 So, I don't know what's going on.

00:53:33.600 But y'all might need to get on keto or y'all might need to get on a, um, you might need to get a sonogram at the house, brother.

00:53:40.860 Y'all, you know what I'm saying?

00:53:43.220 You got to know when, you just got to know if something's living inside of your body, I think.

00:53:50.540 I guess.

00:53:51.140 Or maybe you don't.

00:53:52.360 You know what?

00:53:53.080 Actually, bro, this sounds great.

00:53:56.500 You didn't have to spend any money on the baby shower.

00:53:59.560 You didn't have to paint the room or do all of that.

00:54:02.140 Dude, if this baby can be quiet for nine months inside of a woman's body, he can sleep in the garage.

00:54:10.560 He could sleep in a fucking, in one of the DeWalts in the truck.

00:54:14.880 Dude, you could put this baby anywhere.

00:54:19.240 Dude, you could put this baby in a glove box.

00:54:21.840 Baby, leave him in there overnight.

00:54:23.740 Put a sack milk in there with him like your boy Raleigh Coleman.

00:54:28.700 So, look, man, I think you need to write a book.

00:54:32.140 On how to have that zero dollar baby.

00:54:35.940 Because you heard a million dollar baby, Hilary Swank.

00:54:39.980 But you never heard of a, of a, of the, of zero dollar baby.

00:54:47.780 That's what you got to write.

00:54:49.300 How to have a baby, zero dollars, zero sonograms, no baby clothes.

00:54:56.000 Silent baby.

00:54:57.700 Baby, you got a, you got a damn mind, brother.

00:54:59.900 And congratulations, man.

00:55:02.040 I'm happy that you're a father.

00:55:03.060 And it sounded like your wife is doing okay.

00:55:05.600 And, and, you know, it sounded like y'all beautiful over there.

00:55:07.620 And, and, and thank you for sharing that remarkable story.

00:55:14.600 That's remarkable.

00:55:15.560 Jesus.

00:55:16.420 Here we go.

00:55:17.000 Let's take one more call.

00:55:17.720 985-664-9503.

00:55:21.700 And, you know, Skillshare.

00:55:23.980 You know, and if you want to support the podcast, people are like, man, I love the podcast.

00:55:27.660 How can I support?

00:55:29.060 Go try, try one of the deals.

00:55:31.120 Get you the blue shoes.

00:55:32.220 Get you the hitters.

00:55:33.040 You know, start using ShipStation.

00:55:35.540 Quit doing all this stuff yourself and not being able to figure it out.

00:55:39.700 Or go to Skillshare.com slash Theo Vaughn.

00:55:45.080 Skillshare is an online learning community for creators.

00:55:48.560 And creators, man, they're people that are making something.

00:55:52.340 You know, just like in Bishop Gunn.

00:55:54.660 They say, I'm making it.

00:55:56.700 That's who, that's creators, man.

00:55:58.960 And you might be making something.

00:56:00.420 Maybe this guy is suddenly, he's making that book.

00:56:03.000 He's going to make the zero dollar baby.

00:56:04.820 How to do it.

00:56:06.400 How to, you know, have a baby inside of your wife and not tell anybody.

00:56:11.380 I mean, now that's the move.

00:56:12.660 The other guy called in and said, look, if you, you know, if you spill pudding in the kitchen, you got to tell them.

00:56:18.660 Maybe this guy tells you where to put the pudding.

00:56:23.200 So nobody even knows.

00:56:25.460 They got a dessert milling around in them.

00:56:30.420 But Skillshare is an online learning community with more than 25,000 classes in design, business, and more.

00:56:37.620 You'll discover countless ways to fuel your creativity and your career.

00:56:42.700 You know, people always want to learn, oh, I got to go back to college.

00:56:45.820 I got to go, you know, I want to learn about trains.

00:56:48.660 I got to go be a hobo for two years.

00:56:51.040 No, you don't, Daniel.

00:56:52.120 No, you don't.

00:56:55.940 All you got to do is take some classes, social media marketing, mobile photography, creative writing.

00:57:02.660 Whether you're looking to develop a new passion or start a side hustle or gain professional skills, Skillshare is there to keep you learning, thriving, and reaching those goals.

00:57:13.200 You want to learn graphic design?

00:57:15.100 Yes, you do.

00:57:15.940 We all do.

00:57:17.940 Graphic design basics.

00:57:19.540 Core principles for visual design.

00:57:21.640 That's easy.

00:57:22.820 Next thing you know, you learn it.

00:57:24.580 Next thing you know, you go to a company in your town.

00:57:26.240 You say, hey, what you're missing is your graphic design elements.

00:57:29.100 They're not there.

00:57:30.320 You charge them a fee.

00:57:32.260 Boom.

00:57:32.580 You hit them with a couple of deals.

00:57:34.280 Gang, gang, son.

00:57:35.620 Now you're a graphic designer.

00:57:37.000 That's your business.

00:57:37.700 You don't need to go rent a big office and do all of the bullshit.

00:57:41.660 It ain't 1996, daddy.

00:57:45.000 Join the millions of students already learning on Skillshare today with a special offer just for our listeners.

00:57:51.060 Get two months of Skillshare for free.

00:57:53.460 That's two months.

00:57:54.160 You could be a graphic designer by the end.

00:57:57.120 That's right.

00:57:57.780 Skillshare is offering this past weekend listeners two months of unlimited access to over 25,000 classes for free.

00:58:04.980 To sign up, go to Skillshare.com slash Theo Vaughn.

00:58:09.520 Again, go to Skillshare.com slash Theo Vaughn to start your two months now.

00:58:15.980 That's Skillshare.com slash Theo Vaughn.

00:58:19.480 And I'm grateful to our advertisers for supporting this past weekend.

00:58:24.880 Wow, you got a new baby?

00:58:26.760 Well, man, a lot going on.

00:58:28.900 You know, we apologize to Michael.

00:58:31.160 We got school starting back.

00:58:35.620 We're living life.

00:58:37.520 We're living life, man.

00:58:39.760 And thank you guys for reminding me that I am because I walked in here today and I was just, you know, I wasn't remembering that.

00:58:47.160 And that's why I'm grateful you guys are here to remind me of, you know, that good things are going on.

00:58:51.740 And if they're, if I don't feel like they're going on in my life, if they're going on in yours and you tell me about them, then they are going on in mine, too.

00:59:01.520 Gang, gang, let's take this call.

00:59:03.600 Hey, Theo.

00:59:04.200 It's Darren from Omaha.

00:59:05.480 And I just wanted to maybe ask the listeners for some advice.

00:59:08.340 I was 34 years old this December and just seems like a really fucked up life.

00:59:15.720 And it doesn't really seem for the obvious reasons.

00:59:18.380 I went to school, got an undergraduate degree and a master's degree and don't have a criminal record still because of student loans and whatnot, living with the parents.

00:59:31.320 And it's real hard to meet a lady because of having to have a mountain worth of student loan debt.

00:59:38.240 And I just.

00:59:39.440 Oh, yeah, it's hard to fuck it at your parents behind a bunch of debt.

00:59:43.980 That's hard to do.

00:59:46.340 No lady is like, hey, yeah, let's go over to your parents and fuck behind all your bills.

00:59:51.860 That's tough.

00:59:52.940 Onward.

00:59:53.660 Figured when I was younger, the life would be better, especially if I walked the straight and narrow.

00:59:58.320 I did have a lot of fun, but it just seems like life isn't really adding up to being what I expected it to be.

01:00:05.820 So if there's anyone else out there who's in their 20s and 30s who is suffering with a mountain of student loan debt, maybe they have some advice on how they're getting through.

01:00:15.400 Just paying off bills like I can as fast as I can.

01:00:18.380 But thanks.

01:00:19.480 Bye.

01:00:20.920 Thank you for calling, man.

01:00:22.280 And I'm sorry that you're dealing with that struggle.

01:00:24.660 And this call actually came in.

01:00:26.420 I'm reading this note here.

01:00:27.200 It says this call came in a week, a week back.

01:00:34.540 And then we got another call from him.

01:00:37.500 But I want to say this about student loan debt.

01:00:39.880 Get consolidation.

01:00:42.180 Check out different companies.

01:00:44.800 And pay a lower rate over a longer time.

01:00:49.720 Pay it for the rest of your life.

01:00:50.920 Who cares?

01:00:51.500 So many people I hear, or this is what I think.

01:00:55.680 This may be not what you think.

01:00:57.740 So you don't have to listen right now.

01:01:00.300 But just pay it.

01:01:01.960 Who cares if you have to pay it for 50 years?

01:01:04.240 Who gives a damn?

01:01:05.700 Pay it.

01:01:06.820 $50 or $100, $200 for 50 years?

01:01:09.680 Fucking pay it.

01:01:10.380 Oh, well.

01:01:11.960 Just pay it.

01:01:13.540 So many people like I got to do.

01:01:15.160 Don't fuck that.

01:01:16.280 Spend the rest of your money enjoying your life.

01:01:18.300 Living your life.

01:01:19.040 Pay that little bit by little bit over time.

01:01:21.400 Who knows?

01:01:22.220 Elections in eight years or whatever.

01:01:24.060 They may bankrupt the whole nation by paying your student loan debt.

01:01:30.000 So then nobody has student loans.

01:01:32.180 But everybody's just out in the street.

01:01:35.080 You know?

01:01:35.900 And it's war.

01:01:36.840 And it's total war.

01:01:37.820 Because there's no...

01:01:39.780 Because nothing means anything.

01:01:41.860 I don't know, man.

01:01:42.760 We'll see.

01:01:43.840 But I'll just say this, man.

01:01:44.780 Don't beat yourself up over that.

01:01:46.400 And student loan debt isn't that much.

01:01:49.500 You know?

01:01:49.920 In the big amount it is.

01:01:51.100 But in the small monthly amount it isn't.

01:01:53.160 And we can pay that.

01:01:54.700 So you just got to work a little bit harder, man.

01:01:57.460 You know?

01:01:57.760 There's been times where I was making nothing.

01:02:00.380 But, you know, we can pay that.

01:02:02.460 It's not that insane.

01:02:05.500 And, you know, sorry, man.

01:02:07.800 I got a little...

01:02:08.640 I'm telling you, man.

01:02:09.620 I've just been kind of jazzed out.

01:02:12.000 Been jazzed out, man.

01:02:13.240 Like I got damn Wynton Marsalis in me.

01:02:15.280 Let's take another call.

01:02:16.740 Hey, hey, Theo.

01:02:17.580 It's Darren from Omaha, Nebraska.

01:02:19.400 And I'm really actually...

01:02:20.340 Okay.

01:02:20.900 And this is Darren again called a week later.

01:02:24.100 This is a fresh call.

01:02:25.520 I'm actually thankful you haven't had a chance to play my other message yet.

01:02:29.380 I was really beating myself up in that last one.

01:02:31.980 And this last episode from July 29th, it really helped out.

01:02:37.140 I mean, honestly, when I started focusing on the fact that I'm, you know, hitting the gym

01:02:41.720 five days a week, making my fat ass, you know, go there and also have a full-time job and

01:02:48.420 also taking care of other people and trying to make other people's lives better by being

01:02:52.060 a good human being, I have a lot going for me.

01:02:54.300 And, you know, my situation will eventually change.

01:02:56.400 And I really appreciate that last episode focusing on action because I think things are

01:03:01.360 going to get better.

01:03:02.220 It's just a matter of time.

01:03:03.480 Thanks.

01:03:04.060 Gang, gang.

01:03:04.740 Gang, bro.

01:03:05.800 Wow.

01:03:07.720 Yeah, man.

01:03:08.440 That's amazing, man.

01:03:09.380 A week, you know, the perspective change.

01:03:12.940 You say you've been going to the gym, getting your blood flowing.

01:03:16.560 Every time that is the solution for me.

01:03:19.680 Every time.

01:03:20.400 If my brain is leaking, bro, then I got to get my pores to start leaking.

01:03:29.080 I got to get sweat activity.

01:03:31.960 They call that sweat activity.

01:03:34.680 Because once my body starts feeling good, I feel like I can do anything.

01:03:39.080 You know, by nature, we're supposed to be in motion.

01:03:43.360 By nature, we are supposed to be in motion.

01:03:45.540 The world is round, according to most people.

01:03:48.680 And, you know, you're not supposed to be sedentary on a round object.

01:03:55.320 If you see a seal on a ball, they're moving.

01:03:59.740 They're moving to keep their balance.

01:04:01.420 They're moving.

01:04:02.480 If you see a seal on a block, they're doing nothing.

01:04:06.480 You know, they're doing cigarettes.

01:04:08.000 They're doing pudding packs.

01:04:09.380 They're doing Pop-Tarts with the icing on them.

01:04:11.940 And I like the ones without icing.

01:04:16.180 But, what was I talking about?

01:04:18.680 But, what I'm saying is, we're supposed to be in motion.

01:04:24.920 We've built this world now in this society, especially in America here, where we're really sedentary.

01:04:29.980 Like, I'm sitting here in a damn desk now.

01:04:32.300 In a room that's in.

01:04:33.420 I'm in a room that's inside of another room that's inside of a building.

01:04:37.240 I'm three rooms deep right now.

01:04:39.500 I'm so disconnected from activity at this moment.

01:04:43.060 So, we've got to go out and get it.

01:04:45.800 You know, our bodies were meant to be really like oceans.

01:04:48.480 They're supposed to move and flow and get the vibe.

01:04:51.320 You've got to get that vibe.

01:04:52.500 So, if I'm out here with no vibe, doing nothing, doing hostess cakes, and, you know, just being a damn snack of dactyl, and fucking smoking, you know, freebasing Fritos, then, yeah.

01:05:07.060 I'm going to be nothing, bro.

01:05:09.860 I'm going to be slow.

01:05:11.360 Or, I'm going to be looking at all the doldrums.

01:05:15.480 But, yeah, we can stay busy.

01:05:17.820 And, yeah, and I appreciate you reminding me, man, because I need to hear it.

01:05:20.580 It's just a boomerang we made here.

01:05:22.440 I say something, then y'all say something.

01:05:24.520 And we go back and forth, man.

01:05:26.280 And we stay alive, bro.

01:05:27.780 I love that.

01:05:28.900 Let's take another call here, 985-664-9503.

01:05:34.720 And go attack that student debt, man.

01:05:37.080 Look at that as a challenge.

01:05:39.240 All right, government, you want to put student debt on me?

01:05:42.380 Go live, dude, get your life.

01:05:44.740 Get your life.

01:05:49.120 You can do it, man.

01:05:50.560 You're a capable guy.

01:05:51.540 You sound capable.

01:05:53.700 You could do whatever.

01:05:55.380 This is our life.

01:05:56.700 We have to do it now, gang, boy.

01:06:02.840 Theo, what's going on, man?

01:06:04.920 This is Mark from Pittsburgh, a little north of Pittsburgh, Butler, PA.

01:06:09.380 Out of Butler, PA, man, in Pittsburgh.

01:06:11.860 Everybody knows a couple ladies came down from West Virginia once.

01:06:15.680 And they tried to give me a little sex out there by the parking garage down there.

01:06:21.100 Down there by Union Station or whatever.

01:06:24.600 And I got a little bit of it, you know.

01:06:28.100 And they was aunt and niece.

01:06:30.160 And they said they wanted, they was from Wheeling, West Virginia.

01:06:34.200 And they said they came to give me some of that Wheeling feeling.

01:06:38.120 And I got a little bit of it.

01:06:39.560 And it was okay.

01:06:40.520 I would say probably it was all right.

01:06:43.480 It wasn't, it wasn't crazy.

01:06:46.180 But it wasn't, it wasn't too, too, it was all right.

01:06:51.360 Onward.

01:06:52.640 And I was just listening to your podcast talking to Bishop Gunn about how they were in that Rolling Stones header.

01:07:00.080 You know, it's funny that you guys talked about fans of the podcast being fans of Bishop Gunn because my fiance and I are huge fans of the podcast.

01:07:09.640 And we have become huge fans of Bishop Gunn as well.

01:07:15.400 They're so good, man.

01:07:17.200 Dude, I'll be honest with you.

01:07:18.440 When I first heard them, I didn't even think they were any good, bro.

01:07:22.780 But the more I heard them, I think they are good.

01:07:27.240 And then I think they're really good.

01:07:30.240 Gang, bro.

01:07:31.080 And we're going to be getting married this August, August 10th to be precise.

01:07:37.820 And after we say I do, Shine is going to be playing by Bishop Gunn when we're walking down the aisle.

01:07:44.680 And that's just because your podcast, when we hear that, we know, you know, we're about to get in a good mood.

01:07:50.680 And we just want to get sent off right in a song that puts us in the right vibe and the right spirit.

01:07:56.280 So thank you for everything you do.

01:07:58.420 Thank you for everybody you help.

01:08:01.680 And, yeah, gang, gang.

01:08:04.980 Gang, gang.

01:08:07.460 Man, thank you, dude.

01:08:08.700 I appreciate that message, man.

01:08:11.780 You know, that really lifted my spirits.

01:08:13.340 Man, you just put me in a nice place just now.

01:08:16.580 You know, you put something in me that feels good.

01:08:20.220 And I think it's just because you came with the positivity.

01:08:22.720 You know, you came with the care.

01:08:25.840 You know, you got the wife.

01:08:27.080 You got a special moment.

01:08:29.420 You know, you related it to us and everybody who listens and pays attention to this deal.

01:08:33.940 And you made us feel like we have some value a little bit.

01:08:38.840 Or that's what I felt.

01:08:40.660 And so thank you very much, man.

01:08:42.300 We're happy to be part of your wedding, man.

01:08:44.820 That shine, baby, it does make me feel good.

01:08:46.920 You know what?

01:08:47.240 I'm going to get out of here on it right now, I think.

01:08:49.120 I'm going to get out of here on some shine.

01:08:53.740 And yeah, I got to stay in the light.

01:08:55.840 Because that's the only way we win.

01:08:57.380 The other side, it's just there's no end to it.

01:09:02.860 The judgment.

01:09:03.980 Look, man.

01:09:06.220 You know, like.

01:09:07.300 Nothing on the outside is going to change the way I feel, except for me.

01:09:14.760 And the way I interact with the world.

01:09:17.900 If everything is, if something's always wrong, then something's wrong with me.

01:09:21.640 And it doesn't make me a bad person if something's wrong with me.

01:09:25.780 It doesn't make me a bad person if I have a bad day.

01:09:28.620 You know, it doesn't make me a bad person.

01:09:33.740 You know, I just, but I got to right the ship.

01:09:36.160 I don't stay alone.

01:09:37.280 I communicate with others.

01:09:38.360 A lot of it I do right here.

01:09:40.300 Talking with you guys.

01:09:41.320 Listening to people talk.

01:09:43.020 The guy has the baby, you know.

01:09:44.880 They think it's a little, you know, a fart or something or a belch.

01:09:48.920 Imagine that.

01:09:50.320 Dude, I'd be afraid to pat my wife on the back after that.

01:09:53.880 She'll burp up a, you know, a damn stroller with twins in it, man.

01:10:01.040 Oh, man.

01:10:03.180 But you know, I'm glad you got a lady and I'm glad you're going to be coming down the aisle.

01:10:06.780 That's what made me.

01:10:07.540 That's what it did.

01:10:09.000 Just picturing two people coming down to the aisle.

01:10:12.020 To a song that I know makes me feel good.

01:10:14.200 So I know it makes you feel good.

01:10:16.660 And man, I could just relate.

01:10:18.080 That music, isn't it?

01:10:19.980 It's funny what music does when it gets in us.

01:10:22.920 It's funny how it can do something special to us.

01:10:26.140 Music.

01:10:27.360 It's interesting.

01:10:28.160 It's like a little baby, you know.

01:10:30.260 It's that fucking, it's that air ninja.

01:10:32.160 It really is, man.

01:10:36.360 I'm going to take us out of here on that, man.

01:10:37.980 I'm going to take us out of here with a little bit of shine.

01:10:40.760 Michael, again, I'm sorry if I put you on blast last week.

01:10:43.460 I could have done better.

01:10:45.600 I'm not really sorry if I'm still angry at that lady a little bit.

01:10:48.240 I'm not really angry at her.

01:10:49.860 Actually, I'm more grateful that we found a young lady, you know, who was excited about us.

01:11:00.460 And, yeah, man, whatever.

01:11:04.900 It's all good, dude.

01:11:05.860 Everything will be okay.

01:11:07.800 You know, I need to expect less and do more and show up with a positive attitude.

01:11:15.640 And, man, we're pretty lucky, aren't we, guys?

01:11:19.280 We are pretty lucky.

01:11:20.100 Thank you, guys, for being here this weekend.

01:11:25.360 What else?

01:11:26.440 Any other news I got to share with you?

01:11:28.640 Maybe some things, but I'm waiting until next week when I'll have more information.

01:11:36.280 But you guys be good to yourselves, man.

01:11:37.820 Let's take it out of here with a little bit of Bishop Gun.

01:11:47.020 Do you say I do?

01:11:49.660 Yes.

01:11:50.760 And you say I do.

01:11:52.200 You may now kiss the bride.

01:11:56.780 I'm just sitting on your front porch wondering how could I be so far from my home.

01:12:05.340 Yeah, man.

01:12:07.660 And my mind is somewhere else, but when I find it, I'll patch up where it's been blown.

01:12:15.560 Now I'm just falling on the breeze, and I feel I'm falling like these leaves.

01:12:24.940 I must be cornerstone.

01:12:28.140 Oh, but it's gonna take a little time for me to set that parking brake and let myself unwind.

01:12:51.360 Shine that light on the breeze.

01:12:52.360 Shine that light on me.

01:12:57.740 I'll sit and tell you my story.

01:13:03.880 Shine on me.

01:13:06.040 And I will find a song I've been singing just for you.

01:13:13.480 And now I've been moving way too fast.

01:13:21.220 On the runaway train with a heavy load of my past.

01:13:26.000 And these wheels that I've been riding on, they're worn so thin that they're damn near gone.

01:13:34.420 And I guess now they just weren't meant to last.

01:13:37.880 Congratulations on that wedding, man.

01:13:39.840 Check your wife.

01:13:40.540 Check your spouse for babies, everybody.

01:13:42.660 Check your lady for a damn baby.

01:13:44.560 That ain't a mole.

01:13:45.560 That might be a baby.

01:13:47.200 And where I'll be.

01:13:50.640 Shine that light on me.

01:13:55.920 I'll sit and tell you my story.

01:14:00.820 Shine on me.

01:14:04.420 Come on now.

01:14:05.500 And I'll be able to find a song.

01:14:08.940 I will sing it just for you.

01:14:12.740 And I will find the words to help you make it move.

01:14:15.440 All right, let's go all the way, man.

01:14:16.940 If you call my name.

01:14:19.060 I'll sing it to you.

01:14:22.660 Shine that light on me.

01:14:27.960 I'll sit and tell you my story.

01:14:31.160 Shine on me.

01:14:35.480 Shine on me.

01:14:37.180 And I will find a song.

01:14:40.620 I will sing it just for you.

01:14:44.440 Till death do y'all part, man.

01:14:52.860 I wish you a million happy years together.

01:14:54.760 And, uh...

01:14:56.760 Yeah.

01:14:58.800 Be good to each other, huh?

01:15:00.540 And be good to yourself, man.

01:15:01.600 You deserve it.

01:15:02.660 And thank you for, uh...

01:15:04.760 You guys for reminding me to do the same.

01:15:06.300 Gang.

01:15:11.020 Ladies and gentlemen, I'm Jonathan Kite, and welcome to Kite Club.

01:15:14.980 A podcast where I'll be sharing thoughts on things like current events, stand-up stories, and seven ways to pleasure your partner.

01:15:22.400 The answer may shock you.

01:15:24.120 Sometimes I'll interview my friends.

01:15:26.200 Sometimes I won't.

01:15:27.880 And as always, I'll be joined by the voices in my head.

01:15:30.800 You have three new voice messages.

01:15:33.380 A lot of people are talking about Kite Club.

01:15:36.720 I've been talking about Kite Club for so long.

01:15:39.400 Longer than anybody else.

01:15:41.060 So great.

01:15:42.420 Aye.

01:15:43.020 Swear.

01:15:44.000 Easy deal.

01:15:45.340 Anyone who doesn't listen to Kite Club is a dodgy bloody wanker.

01:15:49.320 Jermaine.

01:15:50.580 Ho-ho!

01:15:51.380 I'll take a quarter pounder with cheese and a McFlurry.

01:15:54.380 Sorry, sir, but our ice cream machine is broken.

01:15:56.460 Ho-ho-ho!

01:15:57.720 No!

01:15:58.060 I think Tom Hanks just butt-dialed me.

01:16:01.200 Anyway, first rule of Kite Club is, tell everyone about Kite Club.

01:16:05.340 Second rule of Kite Club is, tell everyone about Kite Club.

01:16:09.600 Third rule, like and subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts.

01:16:13.240 Or watch us on YouTube, yeah?

01:16:15.360 And yes, don't worry, my Brad Pitt impression will get better.

01:16:18.440 Thank you.

This Past Weekend with Theo Von - August 05, 2019

Great Expectations ｜ This Past Weekend #220

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