TRIGGERnometry - Comedian DESTROYS Every Triggernometry Guest - Tony Lapidus

00:00:01.000 Mylonopoulos, welcome to the show. 0.98

00:00:03.000 And you're not gay.

00:00:04.000 I'm not gay. 0.93

00:00:05.000 Nobody's gay.

00:00:06.000 Peter Hitchens, welcome back to Trigonometry. 0.99

00:00:08.000 I don't mean to give a solution.

00:00:11.000 It's not my job to give a solution.

00:00:13.000 I'm here to ring the alarm bells on an issue that nobody's talking about.

00:00:17.000 Tucker, what's going on with that laugh?

00:00:19.000 Oh, the laugh.

00:00:24.000 Douglas Murray, welcome back to Trigonometry.

00:00:26.000 Pleasure to be back with you.

00:00:27.000 Oh dear.

00:00:31.200 Gary's economics.

00:00:32.180 So I'm calling for a tax on the super-rich

00:00:34.940 of anything above £10 million.

00:00:36.600 And what's your wealth?

00:00:38.640 9,999,999 pounds.

00:00:43.960 Russell Brand, welcome to Trigonometry. 1.00

00:00:45.760 How long have you been a Christian for

00:00:47.320 and did it have anything to do with the allegation?

00:00:50.160 Thomas Robinson.

00:00:52.140 There seems to be a lot of sniffing going on here.

00:00:54.500 People from Luton sniff.

00:00:57.000 Especially journalists from Luton.

00:00:58.880 What's next?

00:01:04.860 My Liannopolis, welcome to the show.

00:01:08.180 Pleasure to be here.

00:01:09.980 So, it's obviously been a traumatic time.

00:01:12.820 You've just been deported from America.

00:01:14.780 Yeah.

00:01:16.460 Pretty bad, yeah.

00:01:18.000 Why were you deported?

00:01:20.740 Because it was a political witch hunt. 1.00

00:01:23.440 Because I hate women. 1.00

00:01:25.140 I think they don't like people who are not gay. 0.99

00:01:28.520 They don't like people who are completely heterosexual, like me.

00:01:32.940 And obviously, you know that I'm obviously not gay.

00:01:37.840 And I think that Laura Loomer, you know, she just wants me out.

00:01:41.160 So that's kind of what it was.

00:01:43.620 It's become so Trumpy.

00:01:47.980 And Laura Loomer is kind of in Trump's ear.

00:01:52.580 and I just convinced him that I need to be out.

00:01:56.400 They don't like people who are not gay.

00:01:59.480 And you're not gay?

00:02:00.200 I'm not gay. Nobody's gay. 0.94

00:02:01.940 Are you married? 0.99

00:02:04.700 I'm married, yeah. 0.98

00:02:06.980 To a woman? 1.00

00:02:08.200 I don't actually like to talk about...

00:02:13.460 I'm married to a man, but I don't do all the sex stuff.

00:02:17.940 We don't do all that sex stuff anymore.

00:02:21.000 So you're married to a man? 0.95

00:02:22.580 But you don't do the sex stuff, and therefore you're not gay.

00:02:25.160 And I'm not gay. 0.72

00:02:25.980 You're straight. 0.93

00:02:26.440 Nobody's gay.

00:02:27.120 There's no such thing as gay. 0.83

00:02:27.480 Nobody's gay. 0.96

00:02:27.980 Nobody's gay. 0.64

00:02:28.740 There's no such thing as gay.

00:02:30.240 I actually live, he lives down the corridor in another state completely.

00:02:35.340 We live together, but down the corridor, other places.

00:02:39.640 No, I'm not gay. 0.98

00:02:41.300 And you've tweeted in the past that you kind of get sexually aroused 0.97

00:02:44.680 with the idea of people being deported. 0.72

00:02:46.820 Yeah.

00:02:47.100 Why is that?

00:02:47.700 i just went off over it i just went off over um you know the idea that if going behind a dumpster

00:02:57.900 or wherever it is that i choose to actually go um i just um behind wherever i can when i see 0.54

00:03:04.680 somebody being deported especially somali um i just um wank off did you get aroused when you

00:03:12.220 were deported when 15 men um actually swarmed me and and put me in handcuffs and i'm totally not 0.77

00:03:19.360 gay um i did get a little bit aroused but not because i'm gay or anything like that it's not

00:03:25.960 because i'm gay okay okay milo why don't you like women um i um i kind of find them a little bit

00:03:38.160 hard to actually relate to. 0.99

00:03:40.560 I kind of hate them, probably because of my nebyshire mum. 0.99

00:03:43.200 I hate my mum. 0.84

00:03:45.960 And I see it as a flaw in myself. 0.96

00:03:49.620 I see it as a flaw.

00:03:51.060 I have trouble connecting to them.

00:03:53.700 And I just do admit that maybe you got me.

00:03:57.960 Maybe you got me. 0.94

00:03:58.780 I do kind of hate women, but not because I'm gay. 0.96

00:04:02.460 Nothing to do with being gay. 1.00

00:04:05.380 What about feminism? 0.96

00:04:06.200 Are you a fan of feminism? 1.00

00:04:08.100 makes everybody um but it only attracts ugly women and fat women that's um most people are 1.00

00:04:16.100 most most girls are not actually um even they're they're not feminist they're not feminist nobody's 0.99

00:04:22.660 a feminist and nobody's gay are you gay i'm not gay nobody is gay you used to go around saying 0.69

00:04:31.620 you're gay i admit i used to say that kind of thing i used to say that a lot i used to admit 0.98

00:04:38.100 i used to say that you know i was married to a man i don't engage in any of that sex stuff anymore 0.99

00:04:42.260 really you used to talk about being railed by your black husband if i remember correctly yeah 0.99

00:04:46.340 i did i used to say that kind of thing so when you were being railed by by him were you gay in 0.99

00:04:51.140 that moment no that was a trauma that was a trauma that was the demon um that goes into all gay gay 0.95

00:04:59.060 men's heads that say just do it do it be gay and they're not they're not actually gay um they're 0.91

00:05:05.540 not actually gay and it's normally because they they just want to um get some sort of um revenge 0.96

00:05:11.380 um on their nebuchadnezzar mother um you know so um and uh you famously said you don't want to move 0.99

00:05:18.340 back to the uk because you don't speak arabic yeah yeah now that you've been forced to move 0.64

00:05:23.940 back to the uk are you going to start learning arabic well i i don't actually intend to be here

00:05:29.220 much longer than i um than i'm going to fight the case um but i did say it i did say that and i i

00:05:37.780 admit that i said it um i don't know if i really meant it a lot of it is a joke um you know i'd

00:05:43.460 say mean-spirited things all the time totally not gay um but i say mean-spirited things all

00:05:48.580 all the time and if you could call it a political point you can call it whatever you want um but um

00:05:54.340 i have to be careful now uh what i say now that i'm actually in england could get lynched 0.62

00:05:59.780 by somalis somali people who they should deport um completely they should actually 0.84

00:06:05.700 uh consider deploying all of them in my opinion indiscriminately but losing the shackles

00:06:11.300 do you still support donald trump i've called him a traitor um i've called him many things in the

00:06:18.820 past i've never called for incitement in the same way people talk about this thing that apparently

00:06:22.820 i was really bad uh to laura loomer always said crazy things about her i mean i called her target

00:06:26.900 practice i don't think that um uh relates uh to um incitement to violence calling for target 0.83

00:06:34.260 practice does it is that is that incitement would you say yeah it's a pretty gay answer 0.71

00:06:41.300 are you calling me gay that's a pretty gay answer yeah but i don't think you are so you are not gay 0.57

00:06:45.540 no because i thought there's no no one's gay no no one's gay no one's gay except laura loomer she 0.69

00:06:50.180 might be the only she might uh be the only uh genuine lesbian um i think she's actually um

00:06:56.660 she wishes she was me she hates herself so much um and uh what are you looking forward to you look 0.59

00:07:02.900 are you gonna try and get back to america i'm gonna fight this yeah yeah and hopefully um with

00:07:08.580 little bit of luck i might be arrested by uh 15 or 20 of these men again um uh at the board

00:07:13.140 but not because i'm here um just because i want to apologize to all of them and a lot of people

00:07:17.460 in ice lost their jobs actually because um uh they didn't want to do this they didn't want to do it

00:07:23.540 they lost their jobs they lost their jobs some of them said uh i think oh we don't want to do this

00:07:29.460 this isn't what we signed up for and um one of them was really strapping actually in fact they

00:07:34.340 they all were. All of them were really strapping handsome men running the gay way, obviously.

00:07:41.100 And Milo, what's the one thing we're not talking about that we really should be? 1.00

00:07:44.740 Deporting Somalis. They should be deported indiscriminately. The immigration system needs 1.00

00:07:51.840 to work, and it's not doing that. It's not working the way it should be.

00:07:56.260 It seems to be in America.

00:07:58.100 No, it's not for people like me. It's for people like Somalis.

00:08:01.460 Yeah. 1.00

00:08:02.460 Makes sense.

00:08:03.460 Thanks for coming on, Marlowe.

00:08:04.460 Yeah, my pleasure, by the way.

00:08:06.460 Not going.

00:08:08.460 Peter Hitchens, welcome back to Trigonometry.

00:08:14.460 How are you?

00:08:15.460 So far, so good.

00:08:18.460 Yes, indeed.

00:08:19.460 And what do you make of the state of Britain at the moment?

00:08:22.460 Well, I mean, it's finished.

00:08:24.460 It's a finished country.

00:08:26.460 I've never seen a country more finished.

00:08:29.460 what have we got to show for us at the moment? You have a police force that may as well have

00:08:35.140 been abducted by aliens as well as effective as a chocolate fire guard. What else do we have? We

00:08:41.620 have a criminal justice system that may as well have been written by Stalin's pre-revolutionary 0.65

00:08:46.020 bandits and expropriators. And just as you think, as you couldn't get any worse, you have Andrew

00:08:52.500 Burnham, becoming Prime Minister and mounting an assault on the last vestiges of everything

00:09:00.700 that we may have pride in.

00:09:03.180 The language.

00:09:04.180 Who calls a bap a study or a cob or whatever else he calls it?

00:09:10.340 If he knew anything about British baps, I doubt he's ever read around the subject at

00:09:13.740 all. 0.96

00:09:14.740 If he hasn't, he's obviously done so with the lights off. 0.70

00:09:18.160 It's ludicrous that he's calling British Baps a stotty or a cop or a bomb.

00:09:24.280 I've never seen a country more finished.

00:09:29.760 Although I will say that he has inspired me to write my next book. 0.66

00:09:34.740 It's called The Betrayal of the British Baps, How Andrew Burnham Burnt the British Bakery 0.89

00:09:38.680 Revolution.

00:09:41.860 And you've famously outspoken about the terrible effects of weed.

00:09:46.120 Do you say marijuana is the worst drug?

00:09:49.160 Well, there are many things that are arguably worse than this.

00:09:53.000 I mean, the constant clock fiddling every single year, 0.93

00:09:56.080 moving it forward by an hour, is ludicrous and disgraceful.

00:10:00.100 Although, yes, I have answered this question many times.

00:10:03.360 If you think that I'm going to stay here now,

00:10:05.520 talking to both of you for an hour to discuss drugs,

00:10:08.040 I've already said, and I'm starting to wonder

00:10:10.520 whether actually both of you are obsessed with drugs.

00:10:13.460 Are you on drugs yourselves?

00:10:15.460 Perhaps you are.

00:10:16.320 You would know that I've already spoken about this.

00:10:19.560 And have you ever tried marijuana yourself?

00:10:23.720 If you ask me another question about drugs, I will storm out this.

00:10:27.480 This doesn't flow.

00:10:28.900 You've invited me here into false pretenses.

00:10:30.980 I would never try marijuana.

00:10:32.780 Marijuana, I would never try it.

00:10:35.860 It's one of the worst things that has happened to society.

00:10:38.340 I smell it.

00:10:39.340 I can hear the people giggling away at it like little pet children.

00:10:42.660 children. I don't want any part of it. And it is. It is responsible for the downfall and the

00:10:48.420 abolition of Britain. I've been talking about this for years. Nobody's bothered to listen,

00:10:51.580 but it's rather amusing to watch. And a geopolitical question now. Would you

00:10:57.020 say that Russia was provoked into invading Ukraine? Well, what individual with a prefrontal

00:11:02.800 cortex thinks otherwise? I've tried my best to convince people and get into their heads and

00:11:09.320 explain to them that Russia did not need to be provoked. It didn't need to be provoked.

00:11:14.640 What was it? If I could, I'd get into people's heads and I'd seduce them with facts. But people

00:11:19.600 don't want to be seduced. And I don't have the powers of seduction. And I never have.

00:11:24.920 I've said now for decades, I've said, why would Russia ever agree to NATO expansion?

00:11:32.080 Why would it ever agree to that? There's no reason for it. Many have tried to invade Russia

00:11:38.160 over the years, over the centuries and decades.

00:11:41.020 The Swedish and French tried it in the 1700s.

00:11:43.400 Napoleon tried it in the 1800s. 0.60

00:11:45.320 Hitler tried it with Operation Barbarossa in 1941.

00:11:47.960 Why would they accept this? 0.59

00:11:50.420 It didn't need to be provoked.

00:11:53.480 And Peter, how does it feel to be correct about everything?

00:11:56.720 Well, I take no pleasure in it.

00:11:58.940 I'm pleased that everybody gets there.

00:12:01.080 Eventually, people have realised.

00:12:03.100 I'm now told that I'm always writing the obituary for Great Britain. 1.00

00:12:07.180 I am right. 0.92

00:12:08.160 all the time. Nobody bothers to listen. If they did, they could have stopped it. But it is rather

00:12:15.400 amusing to watch, I suppose. I don't take any pleasure in it. I never used to. But I can't

00:12:20.740 influence it. I can't influence it. I can't make people do the things that are necessary to reverse.

00:12:26.240 The revolution has already happened. There are cars everywhere. Why do we see so many cars?

00:12:31.540 I was right about the cars as well. It's ludicrous. And what is your advice for young

00:12:36.640 people now growing up in this country? Well, I don't know how to advise them. What advice can I

00:12:44.420 give? I mean, there is no sunshine and rainbows. There is no happiness in this world. It's all

00:12:50.860 grey and miserable. The sooner they accept that, the better it becomes, the easier life is. I

00:12:56.480 really don't know. Perhaps for a start, I'd say master the art of voting. Don't vote for what you

00:13:02.320 do want is you won't get it. You're only to be disappointed. Vote for, vote against what you

00:13:07.720 don't want and you might be able to stop it. Other than that, what can I say? Pack a bag and go and

00:13:12.120 find a monastery high up on a mountain somewhere and live in a Shangri-La. Other than that, I don't

00:13:17.500 know. So here's the most important question we've ever asked on Trigonometry. Shag, marry, kill.

00:13:23.580 Tony Blair, Boris Johnson, Zach Polanski. I assume you mean Anthony Blair and Zachary Polanski. 0.99

00:13:28.360 Well, I'll start with Boris Johnson. I'll start with him. I wouldn't shag him. You can't shag him

00:13:36.280 because he's a plastic conservative. There's nothing real about him, although he has proven

00:13:40.160 himself to be quite unsuccessful in the union of marriage. So at least I'd have the sweet

00:13:44.600 liberator of divorce to look forward to. So I'd marry him. Although I am fairly sure that if I

00:13:49.880 was to marry him, I'd probably unknowingly be engaged in some sort of scheme of bigamy. I don't

00:13:54.760 know. Regarding Anthony Blair, he's one of the worst prime ministers, possibly the worst prime

00:14:02.740 ministers that we've ever had in this country. And he's responsible for some of the worst things

00:14:08.560 that have led to the decline of Great Britain. But he has also shown himself at the same time.

00:14:16.220 He's shown himself to be rather adept in the union of marriage, so I wouldn't have the sweet

00:14:19.820 liberator of divorce to look forward to. So I suppose I'd have to, I don't want to use the

00:14:26.060 word Shaq again, so I suppose I'd have to punish and pound him for his sins. Let's leave it at that. 1.00

00:14:32.880 And Zach Polanski? Zachary Polanski, yes. Well, I knew this was going to be a process of

00:14:38.700 elimination. Zachary Polanski is somebody who, I suppose that leaves me with no choice,

00:14:46.580 But I'd rather not use the F word or the S word again.

00:14:50.700 I'm going to have to substitute, and I don't believe in killing anybody, 0.95

00:14:53.320 so I'm going to have to substitute the K word for F-M. 1.00

00:14:57.500 So you'd shag them all? 1.00

00:14:59.140 Shag them all, yes. 0.99

00:15:00.840 Would you take any pleasure in it? 0.99

00:15:02.160 No, I'd marry Boris Johnson.

00:15:04.600 You don't listen.

00:15:05.360 This is your problem.

00:15:06.180 You don't listen.

00:15:07.900 Just open your ears and learn something.

00:15:10.260 I said I'd marry Boris Johnson because of the sweet liberation of divorce.

00:15:13.820 I said I'd shag, or I said I'd pound and punish Anthony Blair for his sins, 0.62

00:15:18.460 and I said I'd F Zachary Polanski. 0.83

00:15:22.300 Well, you don't have to like my answer, but you have to listen to it.

00:15:25.680 You don't agree with this. I don't care.

00:15:27.320 I mean, the twilight of my life, it makes no difference to me.

00:15:31.660 And, Peter, final question.

00:15:33.840 What's the one thing we're not talking about that we should be?

00:15:37.600 Cars. We're not talking about appliances.

00:15:40.240 We're not talking about mass ownership.

00:15:42.200 We don't need cars anymore.

00:15:44.440 We need to abolish the cars. 0.99

00:15:46.000 And not only that, we need to abolish kettles.

00:15:48.260 The amount of electricity that the kettle uses is ludicrous.

00:15:51.940 Totally unacceptable.

00:15:53.260 Same goes for washing machines.

00:15:54.600 Hold on, hold on, PJ. 0.98

00:15:55.640 Hold on a second.

00:15:56.920 A cup of tea is the most British thing ever. 0.94

00:15:59.060 You want to abolish kettles. 0.96

00:16:00.100 I have no problem with a cup of tea.

00:16:02.040 It's the kettles.

00:16:03.620 It's the kettles.

00:16:04.600 People boil them again and again and again and again.

00:16:08.420 And they're destroying the climate with all the electricity consumption.

00:16:11.100 The same goes for the washing machines, putting them on the cycles for hours.

00:16:15.900 They go round and round and round for hours and hours and hours, and nobody bothers to

00:16:21.480 talk about it.

00:16:22.480 This is going to lead to the complete destruction of Britain.

00:16:25.560 If you think it's not, it's quite amusing to watch both of you, you naive little selves.

00:16:29.220 Wait, how would you wash clothes without washing machines?

00:16:33.220 I don't need to give a solution.

00:16:36.420 It's not my job to give a solution.

00:16:38.980 I'm here to ring the alarm bells on an issue that nobody is talking about.

00:16:43.140 The principles that nobody wants to talk about.

00:16:47.520 I'm done giving solutions.

00:16:50.200 I don't need to.

00:16:52.020 It'd be a complete waste of my time.

00:16:56.720 Running a business for as long as I have, you start to notice a pattern.

00:17:00.760 The businesses that lose the most money aren't necessarily the ones with a bad product.

00:17:05.540 They're the ones where the phone rang or a message came in and nobody was there to answer

00:17:10.740 it in time.

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00:18:13.560 Tucker Carlson, this has been a long time coming.

00:18:16.360 Thanks for coming on the show. 0.99

00:18:18.520 Why is everything Israel's fault? 1.00

00:18:21.080 Well, I don't think there's any doubt 1.00

00:18:22.700 that everything is Israel's fault, like everything. 1.00

00:18:26.680 But look, I mean, I think it's really clear. 0.87

00:18:29.240 And we know that because I've spoken to preeminent historians

00:18:31.340 of everything, actually.

00:18:33.640 Like who?

00:18:35.020 Well, like Daryl Cooper.

00:18:36.800 Do you have a problem with him?

00:18:38.440 He's one of the most preeminent historians ever.

00:18:40.160 He's not a pseudo-historian.

00:18:41.180 He's real.

00:18:41.880 Is he?

00:18:42.200 He's not revisionist.

00:18:42.980 He's real.

00:18:44.300 Right. 1.00

00:18:44.940 And so I know that everything is Israel's fault, even though I don't ever think I've actually said that even now. 1.00

00:18:50.520 I don't think there's words that have even left my lips. 1.00

00:18:52.680 I don't think I've ever said that.

00:18:54.740 Right.

00:18:55.400 And so, I mean, even this coffee is actually kind of cold. 0.99

00:18:59.020 Israel. 1.00

00:18:59.380 I tried to tie my shoelaces this morning, and I realized it was quite difficult.

00:19:03.900 And guess what?

00:19:04.980 Blue and white shoes.

00:19:06.780 Yeah.

00:19:07.300 Was that... 0.82

00:19:07.900 Israel. That is Israel. 0.74

00:19:09.200 That is Israel.

00:19:10.060 That's just a fact, and I'm not going to apologize for that either, by the way.

00:19:12.740 And it's not only everyday life that it's Israel.

00:19:16.680 It's also, it's not even only in politics.

00:19:18.740 It's everything that I do.

00:19:19.720 I just see Israel everywhere, and I just see it. 0.95

00:19:22.280 I'm like, I took my dogs for a walk the other day, and one of them suddenly got sick, 0.97

00:19:27.320 and I said, oh, my God, are you okay?

00:19:29.340 And I looked down, and she said, woof.

00:19:30.720 And I got closer.

00:19:31.400 I said, is everything okay?

00:19:33.000 And suddenly I heard saying, Israel did this to me.

00:19:36.760 Israel did this to me. 0.99

00:19:38.060 I really want you to think about that as Christians, actually. 0.96

00:19:41.500 I mean, it's unbelievable, right? 0.96

00:19:44.200 Yeah, it is kind of hard to believe.

00:19:46.340 Well, I'm not going to apologize for it.

00:19:48.080 It's just a fact.

00:19:48.860 It's just a fact, and it's out there on the Internet.

00:19:50.760 I'm not making this up.

00:19:51.640 I also heard, actually, I love going for walks, as I say, with my dogs, my wife.

00:19:56.420 Bless my wife.

00:19:57.140 I love my wife.

00:19:57.820 I really do.

00:19:58.220 I didn't know what I'd do without her.

00:19:59.940 And I heard this kind of twittering from a bird.

00:20:04.540 It sounded like a beeper.

00:20:06.080 And it turns out, actually, that it exploded 0.79

00:20:08.300 because Israel had planted a pager, an explosive pager, 0.68

00:20:12.380 in one of the birds and it exploded

00:20:13.340 because it thought it was Hezbollah.

00:20:15.540 Hezbollah.

00:20:17.700 And no, actually, it was Israel. 0.81

00:20:20.960 So Israel is actually killing the birds and making my dogs sick. 0.99

00:20:24.160 Israel is making your dogs sick. 0.98

00:20:25.740 Speaking of dogs and things being sick, 1.00

00:20:28.220 Have you been scratched by any more demons lately?

00:20:31.180 Because I know it's a big thing.

00:20:33.100 Well, this is just another thing that people laugh at,

00:20:35.320 and I know you don't believe it, but it's true. 1.00

00:20:37.060 It happens just to be a fact, actually.

00:20:38.900 And if you don't believe me, ask Daryl Cooper.

00:20:40.980 So I woke up.

00:20:41.860 I've told the story a few times, but I don't mind telling you again

00:20:43.900 what the coincidence of it is.

00:20:47.080 So I woke up, and I found that I'd had...

00:20:49.480 I went to bed, obviously, for hunting dogs and bears and tigers,

00:20:52.780 and I woke up with scratches.

00:20:53.900 And my wife looked at me, and she said,

00:20:55.260 Oh, my God, I think you've been scratched by a demon.

00:20:57.200 I said, Really? What?

00:20:58.220 It turns out it's really normal, actually, and it happens all the time.

00:21:03.100 And I lifted my arm up, and my wife noticed that I had scratch marks here.

00:21:07.320 She said, I think we should count them.

00:21:08.820 And there were 74 of them.

00:21:10.380 And at the time, do you know how old Israel was?

00:21:13.480 74.

00:21:14.920 We also counted on the second side, and there were two giant scratch marks

00:21:18.000 that were the exact shape of Ben Shapiro's eyebrows.

00:21:22.020 So it was Ben Shapiro in Israel, obviously, I think.

00:21:25.920 Ben Shapiro scratched you during the night.

00:21:28.220 Well, I don't think, I think the evidence is just out there.

00:21:30.980 You can look that up.

00:21:32.640 I don't have to convince you of anything, actually.

00:21:36.220 Well, I'm not, you've repeatedly said you want to apologize, but no one's asked you to apologize.

00:21:40.240 I'm not going to apologize for anything.

00:21:41.480 I'm not going to apologize for anything, ever.

00:21:43.560 I don't even know what an apology means, absolutely.

00:21:45.980 What even is an apology?

00:21:47.080 Do you even know what that means?

00:21:48.000 Yeah, I do.

00:21:48.700 What's an apology?

00:21:49.420 It's when you say sorry.

00:21:50.040 I think we have to define what we mean by apologies.

00:21:53.100 I'm defining it.

00:21:53.880 It's when you say sorry.

00:21:54.540 Well, no, actually, it's not actually when you say sorry.

00:21:58.360 It's when you actually regret what you're saying and you mean it.

00:22:02.100 Oh, so you do know what an apology is?

00:22:03.740 Well, no, I don't know.

00:22:04.900 I don't even know what you just asked.

00:22:06.680 Are we even here now?

00:22:08.520 I'm here.

00:22:09.800 No, I'm not going to apologize for anything.

00:22:11.380 All right, can I ask you another question?

00:22:13.100 Well, of course, when you open free speech and dialogue, you can ask questions.

00:22:17.160 We love asking questions, right?

00:22:18.720 Yeah, I thought so.

00:22:21.340 What's your favorite thing about Qatar?

00:22:22.700 Well, Qatar, for me, represents the American dream, actually.

00:22:28.900 It is a place where, and I know everybody's going to hear that,

00:22:31.420 they're going to say, Qatar!

00:22:34.060 Yeah, I do love Qatar, and I recently bought a property there, actually.

00:22:37.780 I don't know if you heard about it.

00:22:38.860 It's a beautiful place, beautiful culture,

00:22:40.580 and as a proud, ashamed American, I go there all the time. 1.00

00:22:44.340 I'm not ashamed to say that because that's my way of saying, fuck you. 1.00

00:22:47.180 I'm allowed to do it as an American. 1.00

00:22:48.960 I have more in common with Qataris than I do most Americans, 1.00

00:22:52.160 And I'm proud to say that as a proud, ashamed American. 1.00

00:22:55.120 Just like when I come to England, actually, I have more in common with a Pakistani driver than I do with any of the English people. 0.95

00:23:01.220 And I'm allowed to say that because I'm British. 0.96

00:23:04.000 What do you have in common with a Pakistani driver? 1.00

00:23:06.280 Just everything. 1.00

00:23:07.860 Everything.

00:23:08.500 The way we dress, the way we think.

00:23:09.920 The way we both go to Qatar.

00:23:11.680 Qatar.

00:23:14.480 And that's really it.

00:23:16.780 I don't think I really need to say.

00:23:18.200 Also, the Christian thing.

00:23:19.140 I have a lot in common with Pakistani cab drivers.

00:23:22.200 Yeah, there's a lot of overlap.

00:23:24.080 Sharia law, are you a fan? 0.51

00:23:26.580 I think Sharia law was better than OnlyFans, better than pornography. 1.00

00:23:32.160 I'd rather have Sharia law than forcing all women. 1.00

00:23:35.260 Oh, my God, we're the OnlyFans. 1.00

00:23:37.260 No, we don't want that. 0.99

00:23:38.740 I would rather, way rather go and live in Qatar under Sharia law or have it here. 1.00

00:23:43.480 And I don't think there's anything wrong with that. 0.99

00:23:45.060 And by the way, Daryl Cooper agrees with me on that. 0.86

00:23:49.140 Are Israel controlling everyone and everything, Tucker? 0.75

00:23:53.500 I really don't think there's any doubt about that, actually. 0.81

00:23:57.240 I think it's really clear if you look at everything.

00:23:59.940 And by the way, I don't even know if it's true.

00:24:01.840 I just like to ask questions. 0.91

00:24:04.380 And I think that Donald Trump is a real slave to Israel. 0.89

00:24:07.720 I think that's clear, right? 0.97

00:24:08.900 I don't think there's any doubt about that anymore. 0.96

00:24:11.460 I don't think he makes any decisions that are not controlled by Israel. 0.91

00:24:15.920 I mean, he went to attack Maduro. 0.87

00:24:18.060 Maduro!

00:24:19.140 And the way that he supports Ukraine and doesn't like Putin, apparently.

00:24:25.820 I mean, he says he gets on with him, but he continues to back Ukraine.

00:24:28.920 And I know a lot of people hear that and they'll just think that I'm saying I love Putin.

00:24:32.680 Putin! Putin!

00:24:35.100 I don't love Putin, actually. I don't love Maduro.

00:24:37.640 I love Qatar more than I do America. 0.99

00:24:40.160 But I do think that Israel is basically responsible for all of it. 1.00

00:24:43.660 And I just don't think there's any doubt about that. 0.97

00:24:46.840 So, are we being controlled by Israel? 0.85

00:24:50.320 Well, who paid you to ask that question? 0.79

00:24:52.240 I think that's the real thing.

00:24:53.500 And also, what color shirt is that?

00:24:55.780 And what color skin are you?

00:24:58.560 It's an Israeli shirt. 0.89

00:24:59.960 It is.

00:25:00.500 It is.

00:25:00.960 Yeah.

00:25:01.300 Right.

00:25:01.800 And what color skin are you?

00:25:03.100 I'm just asking questions. 1.00

00:25:05.280 It's pretty pale.

00:25:06.440 Yeah, it's very similar to the Israeli flag.

00:25:08.500 Are you scared? 0.90

00:25:09.120 If you say white, I'm a racist! 0.98

00:25:11.500 What color skin are you? 1.00

00:25:13.120 White. 0.99

00:25:13.620 White, right? 0.79

00:25:14.220 Mm-hmm. 0.96

00:25:14.800 Yes.

00:25:15.700 You're wearing the colors of the Israeli flag.

00:25:17.340 You're totally controlled.

00:25:18.460 You probably took 7K even to ask me that, right?

00:25:21.980 I don't know what to say about you, actually, but you're probably controlled.

00:25:24.980 He probably controls you. 0.84

00:25:26.540 Israel controls him. 0.95

00:25:27.680 And that's how it works. 0.98

00:25:29.060 I know that because I've actually been there.

00:25:31.460 I've been in Washington.

00:25:32.120 I've seen how this works.

00:25:33.140 It is a drip kind of control where the people at the top control, and they're controlling him.

00:25:40.080 He's controlling you, actually. 0.93

00:25:42.380 So, yeah, you are controlled by Israel. 0.99

00:25:44.160 I don't think there's any doubt about that. 0.96

00:25:46.500 This is a question I really wanted to ask.

00:25:48.260 Do you think, moving on, that Churchill is the greatest villain of World War II?

00:25:53.340 Well, I think that there's no doubt about that either.

00:25:56.680 You're asking me questions where there is actually no doubt.

00:25:59.000 Churchill was the chief villain.

00:26:00.440 I mean, he bombed the Nazis.

00:26:01.400 I know people are going to hear that and say, Nazi! Nazi!

00:26:04.480 No, he is the chief villain of World War II. 0.91

00:26:07.020 He did not have to bomb the Nazis. 0.68

00:26:08.200 I don't believe in bombing anybody.

00:26:09.400 I don't believe in killing anybody. 1.00

00:26:10.600 It includes Germans. It includes Nazis, actually. 0.88

00:26:12.480 I'm not a Nazi. 0.59

00:26:14.220 And also, you have to remember as well that he was the one that dragged Roosevelt into the war.

00:26:18.640 He dragged him in, right?

00:26:20.440 I don't think you know about that because you've probably never spoken to the preeminent historian of World War II.

00:26:24.040 I have a lot of times.

00:26:25.520 Actually, I've read his books.

00:26:27.260 And that was against his will.

00:26:28.960 Roosevelt didn't want to get involved in a war?

00:26:31.120 What? 0.50

00:26:31.680 To kill Nazis? 0.98

00:26:32.960 Who were overtaking the continent of Europe? 0.83

00:26:34.520 Like, people were really scared of that?

00:26:35.760 Really?

00:26:36.120 You think that people really cared about that?

00:26:37.920 No, he was a chief villain, and there was no need for that.

00:26:40.640 But it wasn't just Churchill.

00:26:42.060 You have to remember also that it was actually David Ben-Gurion.

00:26:46.500 He actually convinced Churchill to drag Roosevelt into the war.

00:26:53.020 So it was Israel as well, actually.

00:26:56.640 Wait, Israel was created in 1948?

00:26:58.880 Well, that doesn't matter.

00:27:00.840 It doesn't matter, does it?

00:27:02.780 Doesn't it?

00:27:03.300 I'm asking questions.

00:27:04.340 I'm allowed to ask questions.

00:27:06.240 And Ben-Gurion existed before 1948.

00:27:08.420 He actually wanted the war to go on so that he could get more sympathy.

00:27:12.060 And then establish the state of Israel so you could control the United States of America,

00:27:15.060 which would then control Francis, which would then control you and your entire podcast. 0.57

00:27:18.920 And it's not even a conspiracy to say that, actually.

00:27:21.320 And you have to remember as well, David Ben-Grayon, he undermined Gide.

00:27:25.640 He was undermining it.

00:27:27.320 Yeah.

00:27:27.940 And he calls Pearl Harbor.

00:27:29.940 Who do you think got the Japanese to bomb?

00:27:32.600 You think it was just the Japanese? 1.00

00:27:34.160 The bad Japanese? 1.00

00:27:36.620 No, it wasn't. 0.59

00:27:37.720 Of course not. 0.87

00:27:38.260 It was Israel. 0.77

00:27:40.060 Well, it was David Ben-Grayon. 0.72

00:27:42.060 Of course. It's just a fact. It's out there. I'm not making it up.

00:27:47.240 Definitely not.

00:27:48.200 Definitely not making it up. You can check that up on the Internet.

00:27:50.680 I mean that.

00:27:52.620 Well, some people have said that your obsession with Israel is more about Jews. 0.96

00:27:57.220 Oh, it's not the Jews. I know a lot of people say that because they want to say,

00:28:01.280 Shut up! Shut up, Nazi! 1.00

00:28:04.000 No, it's nothing to do with Jews. I don't have a problem with the Jews. 1.00

00:28:07.800 I have a problem with a stupid country that is claiming to be Jewish. 1.00

00:28:11.300 had nothing to do with Judaism, actually, just a fact, and nobody disputes that at all. 1.00

00:28:17.340 You're just quoting lines now from Bibi Netanyahu, like your boss? Bibi Netanyahu's your boss?

00:28:22.820 He is your boss, isn't he? Why don't you just come out and admit it? You know how I know that?

00:28:26.960 Candace told me. I put more currency in Candace Owens' podcasts than anything that you've ever

00:28:33.020 said. If she tells me that you're controlled by Israel, I believe her. You know why? Feelings. 1.00

00:28:40.860 She has a feeling, and I don't doubt that.

00:28:44.120 So what's the one thing we're not talking about that we should be?

00:28:48.300 I hate to say it. 0.88

00:28:49.640 Israel.

00:28:50.740 I hate to say it. 1.00

00:28:52.080 We're not talking about it. 1.00

00:28:53.440 I don't want to talk about Israel. 0.95

00:28:54.900 We're like, oh, you're anti-Semite. 1.00

00:28:56.500 Shut up. 1.00

00:28:57.160 I don't want to talk about Israel. 1.00

00:28:58.120 I don't care about stupid Israel. 0.99

00:28:59.220 I don't want to talk about Ben Shapiro either, actually, to Israel. 0.99

00:29:03.500 What are your thoughts on Ben Shapiro?

00:29:05.680 I feel sorry for him.

00:29:07.380 I really do.

00:29:07.980 I really feel sorry for him.

00:29:09.100 I think that Ben Shapiro is one of the worst podcasters ever.

00:29:12.940 He's been blown up, juiced his numbers, made out like he's kind of talented, has opinions. 0.95

00:29:18.140 None of them are really his own, and he's a slave.

00:29:19.920 And actually, he's not even a slave.

00:29:21.360 Actually, he's the master of slaves.

00:29:22.940 He controls everybody.

00:29:24.440 You can't get a mortgage because of Ben Shapiro.

00:29:27.320 Your Taco Bells, the price of your Taco Bell is actually going up because of Ben Shapiro. 0.99

00:29:31.060 And he says, shut up, shut up, eat your Taco Bell. 0.99

00:29:33.940 It's all Ben Shapiro. 0.99

00:29:34.740 You have to live outside of New York City where your grandfathers and your grandparents grew up?

00:29:40.820 What?

00:29:41.520 That's Ben Shapiro.

00:29:42.700 He says, get out! 1.00

00:29:43.880 Can't afford it, peasant! 1.00

00:29:45.860 What is that? 0.99

00:29:47.540 He's literally the worst. 0.96

00:29:48.940 He's worse than anything under my shoe, and I mean that. 0.83

00:29:52.420 He's actually worse than Mark Levin.

00:29:54.420 I didn't think that was possible.

00:29:57.340 Tucker, what's going on with that laugh?

00:29:59.360 Oh, the laugh.

00:30:00.420 yeah substances will do that actually a lot of substances will do that when you consume a lot

00:30:09.240 of alcohol and other kinds of things but the truth is i never really talk about this

00:30:13.780 and i will now basically when i believe something and i've said something so outrageous

00:30:20.300 i just laugh it off as if you've never really heard me say it as if i didn't mean it so

00:30:24.780 And somebody says, like, you're an anti-Semite.

00:30:30.480 I'm not an anti-Semite.

00:30:32.040 Never have been.

00:30:33.120 Don't believe in that.

00:30:34.160 Don't believe in blood guilt at all.

00:30:35.980 Like, at all.

00:30:37.340 And I don't love Maduro.

00:30:39.020 Maduro!

00:30:39.520 I don't love Putin.

00:30:40.620 Putin!

00:30:41.480 I know you love Putin.

00:30:42.460 I know maybe you love Putin.

00:30:43.540 I don't love Putin.

00:30:44.700 I don't care what anybody says.

00:30:46.240 And so when I say that I don't love Putin, I go,

00:30:48.120 It kind of means I do, actually.

00:30:52.280 It kind of means I do. 0.99

00:30:52.960 that's right same as when people say shut up nazi you're anti-semi you're a nazi 0.98

00:30:58.780 no i'm not a nazi at all and i don't love nick fuentes 0.98

00:31:03.620 patrick bet david welcome back to trigonometry my pleasure to be here right so what did you

00:31:19.120 Wait, wait. Did you just call me Rod?

00:31:20.860 I said right. Right.

00:31:22.960 Oh, right.

00:31:23.720 Right.

00:31:24.760 Yeah.

00:31:25.920 That's what I said. I say cat. Right.

00:31:28.320 You want to say it? Right.

00:31:30.460 Right.

00:31:31.500 Right.

00:31:32.280 Right.

00:31:33.000 Yeah.

00:31:35.120 You can proceed with the question that you want to ask. Right.

00:31:38.400 So, Patrick, what did you make of Kansas' debate with Andrew Wilson?

00:31:43.260 So, do you want to know what I thought?

00:31:44.960 I know that a lot of people were complaining about that. Right.

00:31:47.620 A lot of people were complaining. They were saying that, you know, you took too much money or they took too much money.

00:31:52.300 I want to tell you something. I don't know if you're ready for this, but here's where I'm going with this.

00:31:55.480 I don't know if you're ready for this. Are you ready for this? Right. Absolutely.

00:31:59.300 Right. Say right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Yeah.

00:32:02.240 So I actually think that debate was one of the most important things that has happened in this decade.

00:32:06.940 And the reason for that is because is because everybody got to see what are the facts.

00:32:11.700 They heard facts from Candace. They heard facts from Andrew Wilson.

00:32:14.940 I respect both of them.

00:32:16.320 And the most important thing is that everybody was baptized.

00:32:19.420 Baptized is key, right?

00:32:21.340 Candace, she was able to baptize everybody with her part of the argument.

00:32:24.960 And guess what?

00:32:26.000 Andrew was able to do the same.

00:32:27.720 I thought it was insightful.

00:32:29.520 I think it was the most important debate.

00:32:31.280 And I don't think there's anything even close to that.

00:32:33.380 And I was just talking to Adam about this.

00:32:34.860 And he agreed.

00:32:35.380 I was actually just sitting for dinner with one of my millionaire friends the other day.

00:32:39.180 And he even said, you know who really wins from all of this?

00:32:42.260 The markets.

00:32:43.660 Guy.

00:32:45.160 And how much were you paid for the debate?

00:32:47.580 So here's the thing.

00:32:48.700 You ready for this?

00:32:49.720 I wasn't paid anything.

00:32:51.800 They said to me, you want $1 million, $2 million, $3 million.

00:32:55.120 They said, I said, you know what?

00:32:56.200 I don't want a thing.

00:32:57.040 All I want is to be able to advertise what's most important

00:32:59.900 because I'm doing this for Charlie Kirk.

00:33:01.240 I'm doing this for the markets.

00:33:02.440 I'm doing this for the people at home.

00:33:04.260 And I said that all I wanted was for her to get $300,000.

00:33:08.280 And I wanted Andrew Wilson to get subscribers.

00:33:12.540 that was to remember Charlie,

00:33:14.680 how Charlie would want to be remembered, obviously.

00:33:16.800 And I wanted to advertise a shoe

00:33:18.740 that blends comfort, function, and luxury.

00:33:24.280 A shoe.

00:33:25.080 The future looks bright.

00:33:26.340 Shoe bright looks bright.

00:33:31.320 And do you think you did a good job?

00:33:35.160 You know what I think?

00:33:36.220 And I was discussing this also with Vinny before.

00:33:38.680 I think that no other moderator

00:33:40.540 would have done what I did, right?

00:33:42.540 Because I don't think if anybody else had debated that,

00:33:46.300 there would have been more ads, right?

00:33:49.000 I don't think that there would have been a lot more ads.

00:33:51.320 I don't think the people were interested in seeing anything

00:33:54.120 except the ads that I was showing,

00:33:55.360 which was for the Futurist Bride shoe.

00:33:57.340 They could have been made fast and could have been made cheap.

00:33:59.780 I chose neither, so I went to Tuscany, Italy

00:34:01.520 to make my Futurist Bride shoe ride.

00:34:04.060 And I think I did a fantastic job. 0.99

00:34:07.040 Okay, would you say Candice is the best debater in the world? 0.58

00:34:09.880 I would say that Candice is very talented.

00:34:12.160 She came calm. She came collected. I respected what she said. I respected that she brought her facts and she backed it up with evidence such as her dreams and feelings and vibes. I respected that. And also, I think that a lot of people don't talk about this when it comes to Candace Owens. She actually is one of the most talented negotiators. And I know that because I'm a businessman, you know, I'm worth hundreds of millions of dollars, one hundred million, two million, three hundred million dollars. But I didn't want the money. I didn't want anything for it.

00:34:39.200 But she's one of the most fantastic negotiators because I'll tell you this, and I've never revealed this to anybody.

00:34:45.500 Are you ready for this?

00:34:47.120 So when she said, I want to do this for Charlie, because my priority and her priority is Charlie and the memory of Charlie Kirk,

00:34:54.900 she wanted to start, she said she wanted to start at $2 million from Andrew Wilson, right?

00:35:00.380 And I realized after she settled for $300,000 to remember Charlie, right?

00:35:07.700 That's what she did.

00:35:09.200 and she knew from the beginning that we were going to settle at $300,000.

00:35:14.040 So she started so high, she went up a little bit,

00:35:16.260 then she went up a little bit, up a bit,

00:35:17.680 then she went down a little bit, then she went up a little bit,

00:35:19.360 then she came down, and she settled.

00:35:20.780 And you know what?

00:35:21.740 I think that the real winner in all of this is, it's Erica Kirk.

00:35:25.540 Erica Kirk has now got to see the facts.

00:35:27.300 They debated it.

00:35:28.000 They had it out.

00:35:28.600 I respect that.

00:35:30.240 And so I think she's a very talented person,

00:35:32.140 and I'm pleased for her for $300 that she made out of this guy.

00:35:36.780 so you all did this for charlie the entire thing was for charlie i didn't want a penny for it i

00:35:43.840 just wanted to advertise i just thought that it was important for the world to see a shoe

00:35:47.920 that combines comfort function and luxury a shoe that could have been made anywhere else it could

00:35:54.840 have been made faster and cheap i chose neither you know about that if you want to buy any for

00:35:59.240 me after this the future is right we can do this i thought that was the most important thing and

00:36:03.900 you know what? I made hundreds of millions of dollars. You know why I did that? You ready for

00:36:07.480 this? I did it for Charlie. Patrick, thank you for coming back on the show. What's the one thing

00:36:14.620 we're not talking about that we really should be? I think we're not talking about the markets enough.

00:36:19.140 I think we should be talking about how the markets are going up a little bit and going down a little

00:36:23.620 bit. I think a lot of people also are not talking about how they don't hear me out. People need to

00:36:28.140 hear me out. They need to wait in suspense and hear my point. Right. That's it.

00:36:58.140 So go make it one.

00:36:59.460 Start your free trial at shopify.co.uk slash trigger.

00:37:02.980 Start your free trial at shopify.co.uk slash trigger.

00:37:12.040 Douglas Murray, welcome back to Trigonometry.

00:37:14.660 Pleasure to be back with you.

00:37:15.960 So, how do you reflect back on your debate with Dave Smith?

00:37:24.920 well I mean first of all

00:37:27.380 I think they should insist at the outset of calling him

00:37:29.620 by his real name comic Dave Smith

00:37:31.860 I mean

00:37:34.100 what does he know about anything

00:37:35.900 that was a long long time

00:37:38.000 ago

00:37:38.480 he should not be

00:37:41.720 platformed for anything except on how

00:37:43.880 to be an expert on being a comedian

00:37:45.620 never actually writing anything funny

00:37:47.640 I mean

00:37:50.160 has he ever been to any of

00:37:51.940 these places he ever opines

00:37:54.120 about? I don't think he has. Have you been? Well, of course, I've been, but he's never been anywhere.

00:37:59.640 We'll get to where I've been in a moment. But as far as I can tell, he's only ever been to America.

00:38:07.200 He's never been to Israel. He's never been to the Gaza. What does he know about Hamas?

00:38:13.220 He doesn't know anything about... I mean, his level of intellect is so low that he would literally

00:38:20.400 make dumb and dumber even dumber if they had to listen to him so coming back to have you been 0.96

00:38:28.080 have you been well of course i've been i've been to a lot of it i don't like to talk about anywhere 0.99

00:38:34.140 even in passing unless i've at least been there have you ever been that's the question have you

00:38:39.720 ever been have you been to any of the places about which you opine i don't think so i've been to

00:38:45.880 i've dined with prime minister netanyahu i've been to the idf headquarters in tel aviv i've

00:38:52.600 sat in the chair of yahia sinwar i've been to these places i don't think anybody should be

00:38:59.500 talking about anything unless they've at least been there no no so douglas this is a question

00:39:09.360 i've wanted to ask you for the for the longest time who is your favorite member of the lgbtq

00:39:15.860 by a plus community i suppose it's rather like asking which of of comic dave smith's jokes are 0.66

00:39:25.700 the worst of so many to choose from uh i mean if i really had to choose which is the worst cretin 0.55

00:39:32.900 of that little so-called community i mean it would have to be own jones wouldn't it 0.93

00:39:37.940 uh it's too bad that there isn't an f in lgbtq of the freak which he would of course exclusively

00:39:45.540 the Occupy. I mean, he's just another one of these people whose rationale is so unfathomable

00:39:53.200 to me. I mean, he seems to be hell-bent on positioning himself as the architect of importing

00:39:59.900 the equivalent of Chop Chop Square into London, of which he, of course, would be the first 0.53

00:40:05.380 victim for obvious reasons. He's like a little hare attempting to ingratiate himself with 0.80

00:40:11.020 the wolf his thought process is unfathomable to me and he's totally repellent totally repellent

00:40:18.120 uh well on that very subject how much would we have to pay here at trig to get you to go on a

00:40:26.860 date with owen well crowd fund it yeah oh i mean it's a very strange kind of question that isn't

00:40:32.400 it i mean i suppose it's a very strange line of questioning i suppose it's kind of like me

00:40:37.820 asking you respectively who would you rather go and how much would I have to pay you to go on a

00:40:42.200 date with in your case Leonid Brezhnev or your case Nicolas Maduro although I suppose and have

00:40:48.260 a sneaky suspicion that you would like to meet with Nicolas Maduro in some capacity if only to

00:40:52.060 remind him that you two are Venezuelan but no truthfully I mean no amount of money could get

00:40:59.760 me I mean what would that date even look like I can see it now picture it now for two hours

00:41:04.840 sitting across a dinner table from Owen Jones,

00:41:08.420 the reprehensible Owen Jones, 0.95

00:41:10.160 as he harangues me on why the tablecloths are racist for being white. 0.95

00:41:16.120 No, I wouldn't do that.

00:41:17.740 I mean, I don't know what the amount is exactly,

00:41:21.320 but I will say this, and this is very difficult to admit publicly.

00:41:24.400 I think rather than go on a date with Owen Jones,

00:41:28.180 I'd probably rather sit through an entire set of comic Dave Smith

00:41:31.580 or be lectured to on the art of sanity by Candice Owens,

00:41:36.420 all of which are enough to make one want to wrap a 50-kilogram weight around your head

00:41:41.960 and dive into the deepest part of the Pacific headfirst.

00:41:45.840 I can see it now. The headlines would be the strange death of Douglas Murray.

00:41:56.200 Gary's Economics, it's been a long time coming, but welcome to the show.

00:42:01.580 So, firstly, why are you quitting public life?

00:42:04.700 Because I'm tired. I'm tired.

00:42:06.920 Listen, I'm going to be honest, right?

00:42:10.060 When you have come from being the most unprofitable peasant in Vilford

00:42:13.380 to being the most profitable trader in Citibank, it is tiring.

00:42:18.660 I cannot carry this cross alone. 1.00

00:42:21.380 The peasants have got to do it. 1.00

00:42:22.780 The peasants have got to get the poor people at home, like you,

00:42:26.300 have got to get your act together and tax the rich.

00:42:28.940 I'm tired. I'm quitting.

00:42:31.580 so why are you back why are you doing this interview because i got tired of quitting

00:42:36.600 listen if i don't come back into put into the podcast space and my my campaign listen i don't

00:42:45.640 need to do this right i could be like playing crusader king sue you know traveling in japan

00:42:51.800 i don't need to be here where by the way i learned a lot more history in economics

00:42:55.680 from crusader king sue but i i'm coming back to save the peasants at home i'm a bit like robin

00:43:02.460 robin hood right i am the one that speaks speaks truth to power and cause cause for taxing the

00:43:09.320 super rich you've got a tax super rich otherwise i'm just gonna get tired again how often do you 0.54

00:43:15.180 get tired i just get tired all the time if i if listen first it started with gary's economics

00:43:21.320 which now we should name Mr. Trigonomics or whatever,

00:43:24.560 but I got tired of Quittinomics.

00:43:28.440 Quittinomics is tiring.

00:43:29.740 When you have learned everything that there is to know in economics, right,

00:43:33.520 and you are Citibank's most profitable trader,

00:43:36.660 and also you've got a degree from LSE at Oxford,

00:43:40.380 listen, I'm going to be honest, it's all tiring.

00:43:44.240 I don't need to be here.

00:43:45.380 I don't even want to be here.

00:43:47.420 I'm doing it for you.

00:43:51.320 Thank you, Gary. I appreciate that.

00:43:53.640 So, if wealth taxes don't work, should we still implement them?

00:43:58.620 What is the alternative?

00:44:00.060 Listen, what is the alternative?

00:44:02.300 If you don't start taxing the super rich now, right?

00:44:06.760 Listen, how much passive income do you make?

00:44:09.820 On this question, how much passive income do you make?

00:44:11.920 Just being here, it's hundreds of thousands of pounds, right?

00:44:14.220 You've got to be taxed.

00:44:15.540 You've got to be taxed.

00:44:16.400 We don't make any passive income. What are you talking about?

00:44:18.220 You make passive income just from when you are sitting there on your YouTube channel.

00:44:21.880 I don't know how it works, right?

00:44:24.840 You are not doing anything.

00:44:26.000 That is passive income.

00:44:26.860 So you're saying you make hundreds of thousands of pounds in passive income.

00:44:29.600 I'm saying that you, listen, I'm going to be honest.

00:44:33.780 I do not want to just tax the rich because I hate the rich.

00:44:37.640 I don't have a problem with the rich. 0.99

00:44:39.380 I own a lot of fucking assets, right? 0.99

00:44:41.540 How many? 1.00

00:44:42.340 How wealthy are you?

00:44:43.740 so i'm calling for a tax on the super rich of anything above 10 million pounds 10 million

00:44:50.800 pounds and what's your wealth nine million nine hundred thousand nine hundred and ninety nine

00:44:57.280 pounds 99 pence so listen i'm part of the patriotic millionaires i if i could i'll pay 0.87

00:45:02.820 listen i want to get taxed i want to get fucking government don't tax me really you know there's 0.87

00:45:07.980 there's a website the government has where you can go and pay tax voluntarily if you feel 0.96

00:45:12.820 strongly about needing to pay more tax but i'm tired too tired of that i don't listen it's not

00:45:18.020 like i'm gonna i could be anywhere that i want it's not like i'm gonna start going out trying

00:45:22.780 to sign up saying tax me tax me tax me no what the government needs is a system in in place

00:45:28.980 to just get taxing people like me making millions of pounds it is hard making millions of pounds

00:45:34.380 i don't want to make millions of pounds i don't want it so i'm doing it for you you're doing it

00:45:41.200 For me?

00:45:41.680 Doing it for both of you.

00:45:42.740 And the peasants at home.

00:45:44.420 And the peasants at home.

00:45:47.280 So you're worth £9,999,999.99 pence.

00:45:53.340 Precisely, yeah.

00:45:54.160 And what is the threshold that you want to bring in?

00:45:56.680 £10 million.

00:45:57.680 Why is that, Gary?

00:45:58.940 That's the fair way to do it.

00:46:00.800 Listen, that is the difference between...

00:46:05.340 Listen, you two laugh at it,

00:46:07.180 but that is the difference between super-rich and rich.

00:46:09.940 I don't know how much you're worth

00:46:12.680 I would estimate about £20 million

00:46:14.000 You should be paying

00:46:16.560 2%

00:46:18.080 Otherwise, listen

00:46:19.400 The rich are going to get rich, the poor are going to get poorer

00:46:21.960 It is very simple

00:46:22.820 And then the consequences is I'm going to own everything

00:46:25.200 I don't want to own everything

00:46:26.440 I'm tired of it

00:46:27.740 So Gary, this is a question I've always wanted to ask you, mate

00:46:32.100 Why do you dress like you're homeless?

00:46:35.020 Well, listen

00:46:35.920 When I

00:46:36.880 when i wrote my book which you should buy not to make me any more millions of pounds i don't want 0.95

00:46:42.340 it i called my sister all right and she was like listen you gotta be a dickhead till i appeal to 0.99

00:46:48.400 the peasants the poor people the scum you've got to be you've got to be a dickhead so i actually 1.00

00:46:54.500 own all the clothes at home right i if you go into the high street now the reality is you will 0.99

00:46:59.100 not find any clothes because i can own all of them i can own all of them and but i don't have

00:47:04.940 to wear them i own all of the clothes and assets you'll get from the highest you will not find any

00:47:10.820 because because i'm so rich i can just buy everything but i want to remind all the

00:47:15.760 i suppose it is my job to just act like a peasant so i dress like a homeless person 0.96

00:47:23.260 look like a dickhead sound like a dickhead and despite that still be city bank's most profitable 0.97

00:47:31.660 trader with a degree from an S.C. in Oxford. 0.98

00:47:37.560 Oh, Gary, one of the things I found interesting is, right, you're quitting because you're

00:47:40.720 tired because the work is too much.

00:47:43.460 Why is one YouTube video a week too much work?

00:47:47.000 Listen, I'm going to be honest, right?

00:47:48.500 When I was at Oxford, I was doing one essay a week, one essay a week on economics, but

00:47:56.000 the poor are getting poorer, the rich are getting richer.

00:47:58.480 and i decided i didn't want to give it to the professors anymore because they honestly they

00:48:03.440 didn't know how to mark good work the professors at oxford knew a call about economics and tax

00:48:11.520 inequality so i remember i would see like these i'd see all these like professors and these little

00:48:16.960 oxford wankers right wearing a little cape so i decided i was going to make a youtube channel

00:48:23.400 I made a YouTube channel, obviously I was getting 20,000 new subscribers a day, making millions of pounds.

00:48:28.700 People subscribing to the Patreon, where I make millions of pounds.

00:48:31.800 Don't want those millions of pounds.

00:48:33.320 And honestly, it just became the Gary Stevenson show.

00:48:35.900 I didn't want it anymore.

00:48:37.720 You know, that's not what I mean.

00:48:38.440 I don't need to do this. 0.99

00:48:39.420 I can just go to fucking Japan, play Crusader King Sue. 0.99

00:48:42.700 It just became too much, so I quit. 0.97

00:48:44.860 Did you enjoy your time at Oxford? 0.98

00:48:47.020 That is full of just Oxford wankers who don't understand economics. 0.94

00:48:51.460 I just rock up everywhere in Oxford, right? 0.98

00:48:54.500 They make you wear that little Oxford wanker cape.

00:48:57.460 I just go in my ACs and my little hoodie, my beanie hat or whatever,

00:49:00.980 and they charge me 30 grand.

00:49:04.520 I want my money back.

00:49:06.560 Not that I need it.

00:49:09.620 So, Gary, what's the one thing we're not talking about

00:49:13.140 that we really should be?

00:49:14.760 How tired I am.

00:49:16.760 It is a real thing.

00:49:18.200 Being tired is something that...

00:49:19.900 People talk about mental health.

00:49:21.120 People talk about tax inequality.

00:49:22.440 I'm talking about that.

00:49:23.480 I can't do it alone.

00:49:24.460 I'm like Jesus.

00:49:25.880 I'm like a prophet.

00:49:27.440 Prophet for Citibank. 0.98

00:49:29.020 Now I'm like a prophet for the peasants.

00:49:31.400 And being tired is a real thing.

00:49:32.580 I think you've got to have a little bit of sympathy for that.

00:49:35.200 All right, mate.

00:49:35.600 Thanks for coming on.

00:49:36.220 Can I have a biscuit?

00:49:37.340 No, these are mine. 1.00

00:49:38.540 I own these fucking biscuits. 0.99

00:49:44.400 James O'Brien, what a pleasure it is to have you on the show. 0.99

00:49:47.680 Are you right about everything?

00:49:50.840 Yes

00:49:51.160 I find it utterly discombobulating

00:49:54.260 You would even ask such a racist question

00:49:56.060 I mean I wrote a book on this a few years ago

00:49:58.740 Called How to Always Be Right

00:50:00.240 And I'm currently writing a

00:50:01.440 I'm currently writing a sequel 0.83

00:50:03.680 Which probably you two wannabe black shirts

00:50:06.340 Should consider reading

00:50:07.580 It's called How to Stop Being Far Right

00:50:09.260 About Absolutely Everything

00:50:11.080 I don't remember the last time

00:50:13.660 That anybody called in on national radio

00:50:15.500 And proved me wrong

00:50:17.620 about anything, whether that was about Brexit, Brexit, Brexit, Brexit or the birth that is

00:50:22.820 a curse of Nigel Farage or Donald Trump, who is responsible for absolutely everything that

00:50:29.000 goes wrong in this world up to and including, spoiler alert, the fact that I was forced

00:50:34.200 against my will when I was a child to go to a private school. And 10 minutes past 10

00:50:40.240 is not even the time, mate.

00:50:41.420 James what's the most dangerous thing in society is it the grooming gangs or is it the people

00:50:50.520 exploiting the grooming gangs well I don't I don't think that you could even argue that it's

00:50:57.520 the grooming gangs which do not actually even exist or they are of course radically exaggerated

00:51:02.060 by a wannabe stormtroopers like yourselves I mean it's absolutely discombobulating that you'd make

00:51:08.220 an exaggeration like that of such a gargantuan scale we are of course at the moment facing

00:51:13.540 an economic crisis unprecedented as a result of Brexit so I don't think you could argue ergo we

00:51:20.620 are of course worse off for it but do you two care about it of course you don't of course you don't

00:51:26.100 you couldn't give a sausage not a flying fig not a scintilla you couldn't care less about the

00:51:30.360 consequences of your racist actions questions could you well why do you hate Brexit so much

00:51:36.260 i think it is good well we all know the reason for that it has brought out of the woodwork all 0.76

00:51:43.280 the fascists all of the racists all of the bigots all of the footballification the people who you

00:51:47.960 either stand with us we are might we are right we are white i mean what else is there to say about 0.97

00:51:53.880 it i don't think i've necessarily said enough about it on national radio uh but i don't think

00:51:58.940 there's anything really really to like and uh are you worried about climate change well be far less

00:52:05.300 worried about it if you two

00:52:06.720 would stop spewing your bilge 1.00

00:52:09.320 and bile every single day with your 0.98

00:52:10.940 verbal pollution and

00:52:12.400 ripping a hole through the ozone

00:52:15.500 layer. We're ripping

00:52:17.320 a hole in the ozone layer. I think that's

00:52:19.340 an ineluctable fact, mate. I don't think

00:52:21.200 anybody would dispute that. I mean

00:52:22.800 you constantly

00:52:25.360 spew off information which

00:52:26.960 spoiler alert, you get from your Aunty

00:52:29.180 Doris' Facebook page. Do you know,

00:52:31.200 I think we should do a phone-in.

00:52:32.980 Should we consider doing a phone-in about whether 1.00

00:52:35.020 you two should just reduce your verbal pollution to net zero. Should we do that? 03456060973. 1.00

00:52:43.900 And you will get through. The lines are open now. You will get through unless, of course,

00:52:47.180 you are a disgusting, bilious, toxic dump of a human being like the two people in front of me 1.00

00:52:52.700 from trigonometry. And then, of course, unless you are one of the 51.9% who voted Brexit the 1.00

00:52:58.700 fascists. And that's not an opinion. That's just counting me. So the question that I have for

00:53:03.740 callers today is should constancy and kissin and francis foster stop speaking altogether and how

00:53:11.420 does it make you feel when they do how does it make you feel and james how do you manage to stay

00:53:19.980 so humble when it's time to admit that i'm a mug uh basically when i when i know that i've been

00:53:26.540 taken for a mug and uh i mean like with jason ardy with jason although i wouldn't do anything

00:53:32.380 differently necessarily i wouldn't do a single thing differently that is humility at its finest

00:53:37.420 i don't know why i would have to i mean i quite literally went from being uh from drinking from

00:53:42.940 the largest mug on national radio to actually being uh the largest mug on national radio and

00:53:48.400 i think it's important to accept when you're wrong which is never in my case and and you've talked

00:53:53.300 about fascism a lot in this interview yes why would you say everyone's become a fascist now

00:53:58.620 Well, because they are, and I think the onus is on you, mate, to actually prove me wrong,

00:54:02.120 which you would never do, because I am never wrong.

00:54:04.160 You know, talking of mugs, if I look down at this mug,

00:54:08.600 and I remove your faces from it, what do you see from that?

00:54:12.580 It'd be a red circle.

00:54:14.960 What do you see from that? Have you guessed it yet?

00:54:17.560 No. 0.92

00:54:17.980 Swastika. 0.55

00:54:18.700 It's almost, you're onto something there. 0.54

00:54:20.940 It's almost the colours of National Socialism in Germany.

00:54:25.080 What do you think of that?

00:54:26.660 Red and white.

00:54:27.340 I'm going to repeat that again.

00:54:28.800 Oh, thank you.

00:54:30.400 I said if I remove your face, not your hair, again, I can never be wrong.

00:54:35.080 Right.

00:54:35.920 So you'd get red, black and white.

00:54:40.200 Do I need to say any more than that?

00:54:42.200 Does that not prove my point?

00:54:44.180 That I'm 100% right and you two are fascists?

00:54:48.800 What does fascism mean, James?

00:54:51.000 I think you epitomise fascism.

00:54:52.960 you're making me late for the headlines mate

00:54:59.480 James thank you for coming on the show

00:55:03.560 what would you say is the one thing

00:55:05.400 we're not talking about that we really should be

00:55:07.240 Brexit

00:55:09.740 we don't talk about Brexit enough

00:55:12.560 I think really we should be

00:55:14.340 and how all the callers that call in

00:55:17.500 are bilious toxic dumps of human beings

00:55:19.920 what I'm about to show you should make a few very expensive brands quite uncomfortable

00:55:29.260 because it proves how much of the price tag is just the name most of you are skeptical of

00:55:34.080 marketing on principle and you're usually right to be so here is a product built on the opposite

00:55:39.120 idea this episode is sponsored by dupe.com and the idea behind it is refreshingly simple a lot

00:55:45.360 of what you're paying for when you buy expensive furniture, clothes, or accessories isn't quality.

00:55:50.420 It's the name on the label and the marketing that got you to that page in the first place.

00:55:54.780 dupe.com finds you the same look, the same quality, often made in the same factory,

00:56:00.140 for a fraction of the price. You paste in the link to whatever it is you were eyeing,

00:56:03.980 or upload a photo of it, and dupe shows you close matches that cost significantly less.

00:56:08.860 We've actually been using dupe here at Trigonometry. We searched dupe for equipment we

00:56:12.900 would have paid thousands of pounds for and what it found instead was something that did the same

00:56:17.160 job for hundreds. Using dupe.com is genuinely simple. Go to dupe.com, paste the product link

00:56:24.160 or upload a photo and it'll show you similar items for a lot less. There's an app and a browser

00:56:29.380 extension too if you want it even easier. No account needed, completely free. dupe.com,

00:56:34.540 Go find yourself a better price.

00:56:41.280 Piers Morgan, welcome back to Trigonometry.

00:56:43.440 First question is, do you feel like your humility

00:56:46.660 has got in the way of your success?

00:56:48.780 Well, hang on, hang on, hang on.

00:56:50.080 First of all, I just want to say,

00:56:51.400 I've noticed that you two are wearing makeup, right?

00:56:53.100 I'm not wearing any makeup at all.

00:56:54.640 So you're looks maxing, aren't you?

00:56:56.840 You know where I learned that from, don't you?

00:56:58.600 Special guest of mine, Clavicula.

00:57:00.800 Do you know him?

00:57:01.460 Yeah, you're a fan.

00:57:02.940 Well, listen, I've got a son that's his age.

00:57:04.980 He thinks I'm really cool.

00:57:06.960 I'm going to have a beer with him, actually.

00:57:08.860 20 years old.

00:57:10.260 Says I'm quite handsome.

00:57:11.660 Says I know how to moo.

00:57:13.240 Look at this.

00:57:14.540 Do you know what mewing is?

00:57:17.580 It's that.

00:57:19.760 So, listen, you talk about whether humility is ruined.

00:57:22.560 I know what you're referring to, right?

00:57:23.960 What you're referring to, essentially, is that I upload on Instagram.

00:57:27.480 Hang on.

00:57:28.500 Don't interrupt.

00:57:28.960 I upload on Instagram every single restaurant

00:57:32.660 that nobody else can afford, right?

00:57:35.900 Hang on, hang on, hang on.

00:57:38.800 I upload every single one

00:57:40.540 because I'm trying to remind people

00:57:42.140 that if they're like me and they just wake up,

00:57:44.540 which is, of course, the name of one of my books,

00:57:46.580 available in all fine bookstores everywhere,

00:57:48.520 they can also be like me.

00:57:50.640 You wish you were like me, don't you?

00:57:52.420 You can see it in your eyes.

00:57:56.040 I suppose the question on everybody's lips is,

00:57:58.500 What are your thoughts on Nigel Farage?

00:58:01.300 Well, I'll tell you what I think of him. 1.00

00:58:02.400 He's a treacherous little worm. 0.99

00:58:04.440 I'll tell you why. 0.99

00:58:05.780 He tried, and you both know it.

00:58:08.120 I had an interview with Donald Trump.

00:58:10.580 A good friend of mine, by the way.

00:58:12.780 I had an interview.

00:58:14.040 I'm friends with a lot of people.

00:58:15.960 Every time someone dies, I upload an image of them with me.

00:58:20.760 So I had an interview with Donald Trump. 0.98

00:58:23.260 And that little treacherous worm tried to sabotage it, 0.98

00:58:26.040 thinking that he's better friends with him than me. 0.97

00:58:27.680 And that's Claptrap. 1.00

00:58:29.000 That's a bullshit. 1.00

00:58:30.040 You know that, right? 1.00

00:58:31.440 That's a bullshit. 1.00

00:58:32.760 Who won the US Apprentice? 1.00

00:58:34.160 Me.

00:58:34.700 Did he?

00:58:35.340 No.

00:58:36.400 You wish you won it, didn't you?

00:58:38.280 Could you do that?

00:58:39.420 By the way,

00:58:41.060 do you condemn Nigel Farage?

00:58:43.920 For what?

00:58:44.720 Well, just condemn him.

00:58:46.080 Just randomly condemn Nigel Farage.

00:58:48.240 Yeah, condemn him.

00:58:50.880 Five million quid, or randomly.

00:58:52.860 Can be for any reason.

00:58:53.720 What he did to me. 0.99

00:58:54.640 Treacherous little worm. 0.99

00:58:56.860 Condemn him. 0.99

00:58:57.320 Do you condemn him or not?

00:58:58.720 Well, hang on, hang on.

00:58:59.980 Simple question.

00:59:00.820 Do you condemn Nigel Farage or not?

00:59:02.420 No.

00:59:03.020 No.

00:59:04.120 Well, I don't think we can continue this conversation then.

00:59:06.320 Well, hang on.

00:59:07.380 No, you hang on.

00:59:08.140 No, I tell people to hang on.

00:59:10.880 You hang on for me.

00:59:12.120 Right?

00:59:12.700 Right.

00:59:13.500 Do you condemn Hamas?

00:59:16.020 Yes, I condemn Hamas.

00:59:16.960 You condemn Hamas.

00:59:17.740 What about you?

00:59:18.480 I absolutely condemn Hamas.

00:59:20.200 All right.

00:59:20.880 Okay.

00:59:21.540 Continue.

00:59:22.860 Do you condemn Israel?

00:59:24.480 Hmm. 0.88

00:59:25.600 Well, I'll tell you what it is about Israel, right?

00:59:27.720 Nobody's been more pro-Israel than me.

00:59:29.680 I've also sat on the fence with all of it, right?

00:59:31.780 Because I think it's important, cutting-edge journalism,

00:59:33.900 which I suppose we'll get to in a moment.

00:59:35.700 I'm not going to condemn Israel.

00:59:36.900 Well, I'm not going to condone it.

00:59:38.900 No.

00:59:39.560 So speaking of journalism,

00:59:40.740 do you think your YouTube channel is cutting-edge journalism?

00:59:44.360 Well, I think it is, and I think everybody sees that.

00:59:46.800 And the reason for that is as follows.

00:59:48.540 Everybody knows that I believe in free speech, right?

00:59:51.840 Uncensored for a reason.

00:59:53.300 So I think the best way to have interviews and conduct interviews 1.00

00:59:56.020 have five lunatics screaming over each other. 0.99

00:59:59.580 Well, hang on. 0.99

01:00:00.760 So nobody can hear, right?

01:00:02.580 Nobody can hear a word they're saying.

01:00:04.360 And I've got some of the best guests,

01:00:05.600 not in a clavicular we spoke about, brilliant guests.

01:00:08.900 We've also got people like Rabbi Schmooling,

01:00:10.380 absolute pleasure to look at and to hear.

01:00:12.320 Got people like Andrew Tate,

01:00:13.600 who are pints on absolutely everything,

01:00:14.920 knowing absolutely nothing about absolutely anything, right?

01:00:17.800 Then we've got people like Dave Smith,

01:00:19.480 whose knowledge, as you two know, is unmatched.

01:00:22.620 Doesn't think like a little girl at all.

01:00:24.940 Hmm.

01:00:25.660 Cutting-edge journalism.

01:00:27.180 Who is your favourite journalist, Piers?

01:00:29.340 Well, it's me, obviously.

01:00:30.920 Least unexpected answer in history.

01:00:32.860 My brother, who's a colonel in the armed forces, agrees with me.

01:00:35.320 What do you think of that?

01:00:36.240 What do you think of that?

01:00:37.680 I'll tell you why I'm the best one,

01:00:39.060 because nobody, nobody in the journalist business

01:00:41.940 delegates like I do.

01:00:44.500 Hmm.

01:00:44.980 I've been saying for a long time

01:00:46.060 that Israel needs to open its border, right? 1.00

01:00:48.080 I've been calling for that, right?

01:00:49.660 You know that.

01:00:50.600 Hmm.

01:00:51.400 Now, if Israel opens the Gaza border, 0.99

01:00:53.040 I'd be the very first to delegate somebody 1.00

01:00:55.480 to go and check it out

01:00:56.320 what do you think of that

01:00:58.360 and then I'd get behind my desk

01:01:00.880 and I'd talk about it

01:01:01.980 and I'd tell you about it

01:01:02.780 I wouldn't go there

01:01:03.680 no

01:01:04.180 why should I

01:01:04.860 not only that

01:01:05.960 I've also got

01:01:07.420 I also bring you aesthetic beauty

01:01:08.740 did you see when I touched Ronaldo's abs

01:01:12.000 did you see that

01:01:13.420 what do you think of that

01:01:14.440 what do you think of it

01:01:16.120 who else has touched Ronaldo's abs

01:01:18.640 quite a lot of people I imagine

01:01:20.220 mainly Ronaldo actually

01:01:21.940 mainly him

01:01:22.560 Yeah. Not everyone gets aroused by it. I do.

01:01:26.380 Renato does.

01:01:26.960 I'm not ashamed of it.

01:01:28.300 Speaking of beauty and being aroused, would you have a go on a day with Meghan Markle?

01:01:32.860 Absolutely not. No way.

01:01:35.140 You know what? She stalked me. 1.00

01:01:37.380 She sent me messages nonstop, begging me to go out. 1.00

01:01:39.800 She was begging for it, basically on her knees.

01:01:42.060 I said, I don't want to be whipped. Where I'm from, I'm a man, right?

01:01:46.040 Alpha male. I'm not a wuss, but I do know a gingerbread prince who wants to be whipped. 0.95

01:01:50.540 So I shut her in a taxi and I said, go and whip him. 0.97

01:01:52.560 Mm. What do you think of that? Meghan Markle wanted me. I inspire the youth.

01:02:01.520 I mean, there's a lot of people, Piers, who say that you really fancy her and that's the way that you behave the way that you did with her.

01:02:07.900 No, no, it's not true. She fancied me. She wouldn't stop. I think it was my slim fitted shirts that she was attracted to.

01:02:14.240 I've been working out recently. What do you think of this? I've been working out.

01:02:18.660 Haven't you?

01:02:19.180 Mm-hmm. Can you tell? Hang on. Can you tell?

01:02:22.560 Piers, Piers, what's...

01:02:27.460 Hang on.

01:02:30.720 Continue.

01:02:32.220 Piers.

01:02:32.880 Hang on.

01:02:34.000 Go.

01:02:34.600 Am I allowed to talk now?

01:02:35.680 Oh, yeah.

01:02:36.480 You sure?

01:02:36.940 Well, I can censor or censor you, of course.

01:02:40.480 Makes sense.

01:02:42.000 What's the final thing?

01:02:43.560 See, I can't even ask the question now.

01:02:45.300 You interrupted me so many times.

01:02:46.940 What's the thing that we're not talking about that we really should be?

01:02:49.360 Cristiano Ronaldo's abs and my brother who was a colonel in the armed forces

01:02:54.340 My brother was a colonel in the armed forces

01:02:57.200 Really?

01:02:57.820 Yeah, nobody talks about it

01:02:59.580 Russell Brand, welcome to Trigonometry

01:03:05.600 How long have you been a Christian for and did it have anything to do with the allegation?

01:03:10.140 Before I answer that question, I would like to take this opportunity to penetrate both of you with a little bit of prayer to the Lord 0.70

01:03:17.560 so i'd like you to do me a favor and just grope your hands together and just flaccidate yourselves

01:03:24.280 and close your eyes and do not open them until i've instructed you after i've whispered prayer 1.00

01:03:29.560 into the lord's ear hole heavenly father shine both of your breasts on these two podcasters

01:03:36.760 francis foster and constancy and kissing and forgive them for they know not what they do 0.55

01:03:42.280 They do not know what they do.

01:03:43.780 And I wonder if you could provide them, Lord,

01:03:45.360 with the wisdomisation and wankylation to prevent them,

01:03:50.320 to prevent them from falling for the titillating temptations

01:03:53.840 that are made against them to put before me a clitony of questions

01:03:56.900 that have been put before them and squirt me with those questions

01:04:00.400 that have been put before them, no doubt, by a big farmer and big government,

01:04:03.660 which are designed, of course, to assassinate my character

01:04:06.500 with which you have impregnated me.

01:04:07.860 Lord, please give me the strength to be their rock.

01:04:10.520 please let us be there for one another, to support one another,

01:04:14.060 to guide one another, so that when they open their eyes

01:04:16.820 upon my instructication, they may accept, as I exclaim,

01:04:20.500 that I am, by God's grace, their new Lord.

01:04:23.140 You may now open your eyes.

01:04:29.020 You may now proceed to procreate your question.

01:04:33.220 Well, I guess you didn't answer my first question, Russell,

01:04:36.320 which is a lot of people are looking at your newfound conversion to Christianity

01:04:41.960 and thinking to themselves, well, does it have anything to do with the impending court case?

01:04:46.920 Well, listen, becoming a Christian is not something that I think that you actually do.

01:04:51.140 I don't think I became a Christian. I think I was born a Christian.

01:04:54.180 I guess you could say people would describe it as a born-again Christian.

01:04:58.100 But the truth is, it is only when you understand and realise,

01:05:02.320 without the sweet milk of the Lord, you're not able to germinate.

01:05:05.800 You're not able to inseminate people and fertilise the world with his love and his word and wankify it.

01:05:11.220 So it's not that I take offence or anything like that by the question,

01:05:14.040 ultimately we're here to have a dialogue, all of us.

01:05:16.340 But I do take a little bit of coverage with the idea that I may have actually converted to Christianity

01:05:21.320 in order to deflect or distract from any of my cases.

01:05:24.760 You've got to understand, I'm a very different person to what I was when a few years ago I was a wankager.

01:05:31.320 I'm a very different person now. I'm a God-fearing, testicularising man.

01:05:34.120 And I've elevated and I've elevated to make it my life's missionary to amplify his word and fertilize the world with his word in a moment of love and passion.

01:05:45.980 Do you have anything to say about the court case? You're facing serious allegations, Russell.

01:05:51.840 After I become a Christian in seven days, right, I was able to internalize and understand that this is not actually a trial by social media or media or even the criminal justice system or the authorities that be.

01:06:03.740 No, rather, this is a trial that has been sentient to me by God himself, a trial.

01:06:08.120 What a thing to embrace.

01:06:09.400 What a thing to love and to cherish.

01:06:11.040 So I'm no longer frightened of the long rod of the Lord.

01:06:15.100 I actually welcome the long, hard and swelled rod of the Lord to spanky-ate me if I need that.

01:06:20.980 We could all do with a little bit of a spiritual spankylation now and again.

01:06:24.160 And that is what I want from the Lord.

01:06:25.960 See, you've got to understand, essentially, by making a little change in that moment of meditation,

01:06:31.180 What I'm able to do, that mind shift

01:06:32.980 I'm able, I believe, to lubricate this entire process

01:06:36.240 I'm able to thrust myself into the spotlight of God

01:06:40.220 Which is, I like to call it, the spiritual G-spot

01:06:42.240 And do you think these allegations

01:06:46.480 Yes

01:06:47.160 They've been

01:06:49.380 Lord save these two poor souls

01:06:51.060 Engineered in an attempt to silence you and your message?

01:06:55.600 Well, it's no coincidence to me

01:06:57.240 And it's nothing new to me that the government would try to silence me

01:06:59.740 What I actually have been describing this as recently is that I believe that this is part of a governmental threesome strategy that has been employed against me.

01:07:07.900 So the first part of the threesome strategy is the accusation itself being allegated against me.

01:07:13.000 That allegation is there in order to scare people, in order to convince people that they need protection or condomisation.

01:07:19.980 They need that protection. That's what they need.

01:07:22.120 And that is the ultimate thing which is going to convince people to perform certain acts that under normal circumstances they wouldn't necessarily perform.

01:07:29.740 And so once they've got you there, they've got you in the second part of the threesome strategy,

01:07:33.980 that is control. They convince you that you need protecting from somebody like me,

01:07:37.980 and then you need to be controlled. So they've got you in that position, physically, literally,

01:07:41.820 and metaphorically, bent over on all fours, stripped down to your bare nakedity, so they

01:07:46.220 can perform their final action and thrust themselves into you. And that final action

01:07:50.300 is something which I actually talk about in my book, How I Become a Christian in Seven Days.

01:07:53.740 There's actually a chapter on it, it's called Total Sexpropriation and Condomination. 0.52

01:07:58.060 they completely condominate you and that so i'm no stranger to all of this strategy it's nothing new

01:08:04.060 to me i know that the government and wants me to not speak out against big government it doesn't

01:08:08.060 want me to speak out against big pharma it doesn't want me to speak out against the industrial military

01:08:11.980 climax it doesn't want me to it doesn't want me to scrutinize against any of these people and now

01:08:16.300 that i've labiated myself i realize that i will continue to act it doesn't matter what they try

01:08:21.180 indeed to silence me i will continue to act as god's fallopian tube his little conduit to

01:08:27.580 fertilize this world with love and passion spiritual passion um do you think it's possible

01:08:37.100 that you're a bit of a narcissist russell i think it's an interesting question i think i think back

01:08:42.260 in the day when i was a wankager i think maybe i was a little bit of a a narcissist i think that

01:08:46.820 narcissism is always very confusing to me when i was growing up because i used to see i used to

01:08:50.660 look at politics and i'd see you had all these isms you had progressivism liberalism conservatism

01:08:56.600 you know fascism communism and all that i also found it a little bit quick psychated

01:09:00.960 and so what i what i actually did i thought well there's no there's no ideology that suits the

01:09:05.300 head of this which is what i was when i was a wankager so i created the wankology of wankism

01:09:09.480 sorry sorry sorry to interrupt brussel sorry i'm getting a bit lost in the linguistics here you're

01:09:14.420 very you know articulate yes what did you what you were a what sorry i was a wankist what's a

01:09:21.620 wankist it's someone who it's a hedonist it was more in my salacious day ah it's my more yeah

01:09:27.860 exactly i love how this communication with love i love you at the moment i really do i'm taking

01:09:32.180 this moment to love you and looking at you loving you and praying for you i'll forgive you

01:09:37.460 feels very authentic thank you it's very authentic just let me just take a moment

01:09:44.420 Thank you. So what was I saying? So I traded in wankism for fankism.

01:09:50.840 I'm now creating my new ideology because I appreciate the blessings that the Lord himself has given me, the bona fide blessings.

01:09:58.140 So yeah, I've traded that in now. Was I a bit of a narcissist? Yeah, maybe it was a little bit of a wank plank of my wanky-ology, but not anymore.

01:10:04.700 And would you like to still be making Hollywood movies?

01:10:08.520 wankily not i don't want to you see i want nothing to do with hollywood because listen

01:10:14.100 back when i was writing i did enjoy it but i don't i don't crave those things anymore i don't

01:10:19.460 want superficial things i don't want money it's not interesting to me all these all these things

01:10:23.480 that really don't mean much to give you a little bit of instant gratification having said that

01:10:28.420 there was something interesting that happened that i don't really talk about too publicly

01:10:31.400 very often but i will i will share it with you lads just because i'm i'm forgiving both of you

01:10:36.100 at the moment i will say that i did submit a script recently to hollywood some agents that

01:10:41.260 were talking to me back in the day they don't talk to me anymore i submitted a script where i

01:10:45.920 thought well what if i write something that's going to do good that's going to spread love

01:10:48.840 that's going to warn people about the impending threats that are surrounding us artificial

01:10:52.920 intelligence humanoids robots things that we cannot even comprehend let alone understand

01:10:57.540 so what if i write something like that now to do good in the world and i actually wanted it to

01:11:01.960 as a warning i wanted to be like kind of warning people like a spin-off of the terminator that

01:11:06.820 we're about to be enslaved to a master and i think they actually liked the agents actually

01:11:11.000 liked it in hollywood but i don't think they accepted it probably because of the name that 0.99

01:11:14.020 i wanted to come up with what's the name masturbator you know russell you you keep 0.86

01:11:19.520 saying that you forgive us what why do you need to forgive us what have we done wrong 0.98

01:11:22.840 it's about vaselineating this conversation making it very durex ability making it very durable

01:11:31.000 and I feel that from forgiveness

01:11:33.120 you can learn to love me

01:11:34.320 I can actually inseminate you 0.86

01:11:35.620 with holy water right now 0.82

01:11:36.780 and I do that mentally

01:11:38.180 I do that mentally and spiritually

01:11:39.900 I'm not talking about

01:11:40.420 in a physical space

01:11:41.040 those days are behind me

01:11:41.880 I'm talking about

01:11:42.800 in a spiritual place

01:11:43.840 and I actually am inseminating you

01:11:45.060 with holy water right now

01:11:46.160 and I'm praying for you

01:11:47.260 and I love you

01:11:47.760 and I think that everything

01:11:48.700 that we do right now

01:11:49.660 think about all the joy

01:11:50.620 that we're bringing

01:11:50.960 to the world right now

01:11:51.780 think about that

01:11:53.000 imagine if you hadn't asked me

01:11:54.680 that question right now

01:11:55.740 I wouldn't have been able

01:11:56.700 to copulate you

01:11:57.600 which is what I do 0.99

01:11:59.260 You seem a bit obsessed with sex to me Russell

01:12:03.580 Do you reckon that's a fair criticism?

01:12:05.160 That was just

01:12:05.600 They were back in my days

01:12:06.740 Like I said when I was a wankager

01:12:08.080 Wanky-lutely not anymore

01:12:09.320 And I think there's quite a wanktagonistic question

01:12:11.240 That you're asking me there

01:12:12.100 I really do

01:12:12.640 I think now it's not about sex 0.71

01:12:15.360 Of course the Lord encourages sex

01:12:17.500 But in a spiritual way 1.00

01:12:18.820 And that's how I feel about you 1.00

01:12:20.220 I want to have spiritual sex with both of you 1.00

01:12:22.340 Now 1.00

01:12:23.340 On this table

01:12:24.680 Please

01:12:25.960 do you think you're a bit of a cult leader russell i think that i'm the only person who's

01:12:32.460 spoken out against the covid-19 vaccine and i think people follow me and i think that is what

01:12:36.580 the big government doesn't like that is what the big tech companies don't like the industrial

01:12:40.400 ministry climax like i said earlier that is what they don't like so people follow me and what do

01:12:44.200 they do they ban me they stop me from talking they stop me trying to silenceify me that's what

01:12:49.100 they try and do but they're not going to succeed because i love them too much and even if they do

01:12:53.200 we'll do it with a smile and uh russell final question as you know on the show is always the

01:12:58.240 same what's the one thing we're not talking about that we should be certainly how to become a

01:13:03.200 christian in seven days that by reading that i want to say on a serious note you will learn to

01:13:09.760 condomize yourself when i say condomize yourself i mean protect yourselves you will surround your

01:13:15.840 entire being your entire body with protection a layer of protection and you'll be able to think

01:13:20.880 about your words you'll be able to think about the consequences of your words and actions in

01:13:24.400 some other people's cases court cases uh but russell final question actually for me is uh

01:13:30.720 what's your favorite bible passage and why right i was happy that you asked that

01:13:39.360 russell i can't help noticing that's not a bible as a copy of the wealth of nations by adam smith

01:13:44.320 yeah and i think it's important to read out my favorite passage from that if you'll allow me

01:13:49.280 It was put upon the same footing with gold and silver mines,

01:13:54.820 which the Lord, without a special clause in the charter of the Lord's word

01:13:58.500 and his shepherd, were never supposed to be comprehended

01:14:01.920 with sexual being in the general grant of the lands,

01:14:06.320 the fertile lands and the eggs.

01:14:10.480 Though mines of lead, copper, tin and coal were as things

01:14:13.900 of smaller consequences, condomination, smaller consequences.

01:14:20.240 That's why you should read my book.

01:14:22.540 How to become a Christian in seven days.

01:14:25.540 Thanks for coming on.

01:14:26.780 My pleasure.

01:14:27.520 My spiritual insemination pleasure.

01:14:34.840 Elon, we've been trying to make this happen for a very long time.

01:14:38.160 Thanks for coming on the show.

01:14:39.260 Yeah, yeah, it is my pleasure.

01:14:43.020 Well, it's great to have you on.

01:14:45.820 Would you say autism is your superpower?

01:14:49.280 I'd say that having autism allows you to say pretty much whatever you want and get away with it. 0.96

01:14:59.500 And when you also have the world's largest social media platform and the biggest in the universe, you're all kind of screwed. 0.91

01:15:15.780 So, yeah, autism is a superpower. 0.76

01:15:19.280 Superpower. And how are you able to do all the things that you do and still be on Twitter 24-7?

01:15:26.420 X, sorry.

01:15:27.160 Yeah, yes. So when people ask me that, I always just say, I'm not actually human.

01:15:37.100 When you're kind of made up of humanoid and South African human and artificial intelligence,

01:15:44.700 you're actually able to do a lot more than people think.

01:15:50.760 So, yeah, autism, humanoid, and artificial intelligence,

01:15:54.780 not being human, that's kind of how I'm able to do it.

01:15:58.820 So, yeah.

01:16:00.980 And a personal question, if I may.

01:16:02.980 Yeah.

01:16:03.360 How many kids do you have?

01:16:05.240 It's kind of like my bank balance.

01:16:06.740 You can't really calculate.

01:16:09.780 I could have another one right now.

01:16:11.560 I can actually hear in the artificial intelligence that is in me now

01:16:16.500 that I have another one right now.

01:16:19.480 Probably in the trillions.

01:16:22.300 So, yeah.

01:16:23.860 I'd also like to admonish you for even asking questions

01:16:27.980 that really don't concern you. 1.00

01:16:30.320 As the richest man in the world, I can just tell you to go fuck yourself. 1.00

01:16:35.960 You can. 1.00

01:16:37.380 Yeah.

01:16:38.360 That's what I'm going to do.

01:16:39.620 Awesome. 1.00

01:16:40.000 Go fuck yourself. 1.00

01:16:41.560 I mean, what is it like being the richest man in the world? 1.00

01:16:46.320 Well, that's the beauty of it. 1.00

01:16:49.000 You can just tell everybody to go fuck themselves. 1.00

01:16:52.880 And you don't really have to worry about it. 0.99

01:16:56.180 Also, it kind of gives me the time that I need to focus on things that are really important,

01:17:04.360 like stand-up comedy.

01:17:06.160 Yeah, I get to...

01:17:08.380 I'm just sort of a joke now.

01:17:11.560 Yeah, I'm going to test my material on you now.

01:17:16.160 So what do you call a place in space on Mars

01:17:21.480 where really cool people hang out?

01:17:24.740 Mars bar.

01:17:27.960 Yeah, it's really awesome comedy.

01:17:33.040 I just thought of another one, too.

01:17:36.040 Yeah, I just thought, so what do you call

01:17:40.760 bank balance of a trillion dollars, an elongated bank balance.

01:17:49.120 I'm going to tweet that.

01:17:50.580 Post it.

01:17:51.340 Post it.

01:17:51.700 Sorry.

01:17:52.140 Awesome joke.

01:17:56.660 Tom's back, yeah.

01:17:58.280 Why do you support Restore?

01:18:01.160 I think I support the people who actually want to make the United Kingdom great again

01:18:08.440 reverse some of the things that your governments have done over the years, and I think Restore

01:18:16.700 is the only party that's going to do that.

01:18:20.840 I mean, look at what your country has become.

01:18:26.620 Look at Luton, where my friend Tom Aronson is from.

01:18:29.440 I mean, it used to be a paradise, and now it is the loo-ton.

01:18:39.020 Great joke. 0.83

01:18:40.460 Only the British would understand that. 0.98

01:18:43.300 And I just thought of another joke, actually. 0.95

01:18:45.580 Can I test that?

01:18:47.840 So an Englishman, an Irishman, a Scotsman, and a Welshman walk into a bar in Luton.

01:18:54.940 And they say, we want a drink.

01:18:56.660 And the bartender says, no, please leave.

01:19:00.660 And they say, why? We just want a drink.

01:19:03.400 And he says, no, you don't understand. 1.00

01:19:05.460 We don't serve foreigners.

01:19:09.260 Because the British people are foreigners in Luton now. 1.00

01:19:14.140 So, yeah, awesome joke. 1.00

01:19:16.980 And finally, just a personal question for you, Elon.

01:19:20.720 I mean, how many baby mamas do you have at the moment?

01:19:24.000 But it's another thing that I don't actually even have the answer to.

01:19:29.880 And again, I'd like to admonish you for asking things that are just personal. 1.00

01:19:35.300 And again, I will tell you to go fuck yourself. 1.00

01:19:38.380 You couldn't even calculate it, even if you wanted to. 1.00

01:19:42.440 You couldn't do it.

01:19:43.440 The only thing that could do that would be a special chip of artificial intelligence

01:19:48.760 that's lodged in my brain.

01:19:50.760 Yeah.

01:19:51.760 Elon, what's the one thing we're not talking about that we should be?

01:19:58.760 Yeah, that's a good question. 0.85

01:20:04.360 Probably AOC and the left, and also the trans movement, the woke mind virus that has destroyed 1.00

01:20:16.880 our planet and universe. 1.00

01:20:19.960 And what about AOC? 1.00

01:20:20.960 She tried to come on to me a few times and some bullshit. 0.97

01:20:27.300 And I just, I mean, she looks pretty good. 0.92

01:20:31.160 But I'm not particularly interested in her anymore.

01:20:36.940 Would you have a baby with AOC?

01:20:39.720 If I had a baby with AOC, I just thought of another joke.

01:20:44.880 What do you call a baby born to AOC and Elon Musk?

01:20:53.000 A trillion dollar baby.

01:20:57.000 Yeah, any baby born to Elon Musk, actually.

01:21:01.060 So, yeah, awesome joke.

01:21:07.720 President Trump, welcome to Trigonometry.

01:21:10.900 First question, why are you the greatest president in history?

01:21:14.880 Because I've done so much for the country, and you know that better than anybody.

01:21:19.720 We have the ballroom, we're fixing the ballroom, the ballroom's going to get done, and you

01:21:23.120 know that.

01:21:24.120 You know, we've had the UFC, we had the UFC fight, you guys saw that, right?

01:21:29.480 Yeah.

01:21:30.480 Yeah, we had that, we had that, it was just an incredible event.

01:21:32.700 Some say the likes of which the world has never seen, actually, when you think about

01:21:35.380 it, and it's not even close.

01:21:37.740 And we're just getting so much done, you know, people, things that people never thought were

01:21:42.120 possible.

01:21:43.120 It was never possible, but it is possible, and I'm getting it done.

01:21:47.260 And the most important thing, you know what it is, right?

01:21:49.740 The ballroom.

01:21:50.740 We've got to get the ballroom in.

01:21:51.740 I was going to say the Middle East.

01:21:52.740 No, no, no, no, no. 0.93

01:21:53.740 Why don't you just shut your mouth for a minute? 0.68

01:21:55.120 Why don't you just be quiet? 0.97

01:21:56.120 Why don't you be quiet and listen to your favorite president?

01:22:00.420 It's the ballroom.

01:22:01.540 The American people, they voted for it, and they won it more than anything.

01:22:05.060 They don't want all these other things.

01:22:06.940 They don't want to talk about the Middle East. 1.00

01:22:08.300 people like you on your stupid podcast uh just putting the war effort down because you're a bad 1.00

01:22:14.340 person actually how are you going to bring peace to the middle east though well i actually already 1.00

01:22:19.700 have and everybody knows that a lot of people are saying it except you and you uh you know they have

01:22:26.380 the abraham of course you're familiar with that right maybe you've heard of it a little thing

01:22:30.280 called the abraham of course uh they probably haven't even heard of it uh so much nicer to say

01:22:35.820 abraham and abraham right i have hamas you know they're calling me up every day they say sir

01:22:41.060 sir there's too much peace here in the middle east there's too much peace we can't deal with

01:22:47.000 it i say no you're gonna have peace you know we created the board of peace and actually hamas is

01:22:51.360 starting to get a little bit bored of peace actually uh so i already have done that and

01:22:56.140 when you think about it as well the straits of hormuz and the iranian army totally and utterly

01:23:02.400 obliterated and the Straits of Hormuz isn't the Straits of Hormuz anymore no no it's the Straits

01:23:07.680 of America yeah that's true that's true actually it's still closed though right no it's totally 0.60

01:23:14.460 open uh you know that's just a nasty question you're such a nasty guy uh we've opened it and

01:23:21.240 there's more shipping you know they thought it was going to be closed they thought this isn't 1.00

01:23:25.400 going to open again I got it open you understand that or are you a stupid person are you stupid 1.00

01:23:31.080 I don't think so. 1.00

01:23:31.560 You just must be a dumb person. 1.00

01:23:33.280 The Straits of America is open, and you know that better than anybody. 1.00

01:23:37.820 You see, he doesn't want to say it.

01:23:39.500 He doesn't want to say it, but he knows it's true, right?

01:23:43.220 No.

01:23:43.840 Yeah, he doesn't want to say it.

01:23:44.980 He doesn't want to say it. 0.96

01:23:45.500 Do you feel the war, the Iran war, was a good idea? 1.00

01:23:50.280 Yeah, I do. 1.00

01:23:51.540 I do.

01:23:52.120 Actually, I think it was a very good idea.

01:23:53.740 Look, it's very simple.

01:23:55.780 Iran can never be allowed a nuclear weapon.

01:23:58.480 and you know i hear all this negative negative talk on your podcast you've been very nasty to

01:24:02.720 me both of you actually saying it was a bad idea oh donald trump shouldn't have done this no no

01:24:08.960 i had to do it and you know i also hear negativity about the russia remember that little war russia

01:24:15.280 and ukraine ukraine let me ask you a question what you're from moscow originally right yeah

01:24:21.200 i've done my research on you why didn't you tell me about what putin was going to do

01:24:25.200 Why didn't you tell me about it? 0.92

01:24:26.320 Like the Japanese, they never told me about Pearl Harbor. 1.00

01:24:28.440 You could have done it. 1.00

01:24:29.400 And as for you, you know, you're Venezuelan. 1.00

01:24:31.480 I called you.

01:24:32.800 I said to you, I said, do you know where Maduro is?

01:24:36.020 Do you remember that phone call?

01:24:36.940 I called it the perfect phone call.

01:24:39.400 It was a perfect phone call, actually, and it's not even close.

01:24:43.300 And you said to me, no, no, no, sir.

01:24:45.700 You sounded like Emmanuel Macron.

01:24:47.140 You said, no, no, sir.

01:24:48.400 Can I give you the coordinates?

01:24:50.440 I didn't even want your help.

01:24:51.680 I didn't need your help.

01:24:53.000 But you were very nasty to me. 1.00

01:24:54.620 And the Iranian war has been a wonderful success.

01:24:57.440 And it's winding down anyway, by the way. 1.00

01:24:59.640 You're such nasty people. 0.98

01:25:02.640 We've been trying to get you on trigonometry for so long. 0.99

01:25:07.120 That's right.

01:25:07.760 Why is it taking you so long? 0.97

01:25:09.220 Well, because you've been so nasty. 0.96

01:25:11.440 We've been nasty. 0.99

01:25:12.120 You've been so bad. 0.99

01:25:13.400 You've been so bad, the both of you.

01:25:15.740 And all you do is spread bad news.

01:25:18.540 And half the time it's not even fake.

01:25:19.900 And your ratings are terrible, by the way.

01:25:21.740 Why should I give you ratings?

01:25:22.920 You call me up and you say, sir, sir, please.

01:25:25.600 We want you to come on trigonometry.

01:25:28.060 I'm actually doing this as a favor to a friend.

01:25:30.200 I don't want to be here for you.

01:25:32.020 You don't really deserve it.

01:25:33.340 You're actually worse than Rosie O'Donnell.

01:25:35.780 Yeah, and it's pretty bad. 0.96

01:25:37.420 Yeah, you're worse. 0.98

01:25:38.200 You're worse, actually. 0.98

01:25:39.080 Some say worse.

01:25:39.900 A lot of people are saying that, actually.

01:25:41.560 And you know that better than anybody.

01:25:45.600 Why are we worse than Rosie O'Donnell?

01:25:47.460 I'm actually genuinely offended. 1.00

01:25:48.860 Because you're just disgusting people. 1.00

01:25:50.380 And she was also disgusting. 1.00

01:25:51.580 She was also a disgusting person and is a disgusting person. 1.00

01:25:55.140 Look, Iran could never be allowed a nuclear weapon, right? 1.00

01:25:59.100 So we had to go to war with them.

01:26:00.600 And all you do is just talk badly about it.

01:26:03.380 I don't appreciate that very much at all. 0.97

01:26:05.580 And I will tear off the hell out of you, by the way. 0.95

01:26:09.980 He thinks I'm joking. 0.99

01:26:11.100 I'm not joking at all. 1.00

01:26:12.080 I will tear off the hell out of you. 0.99

01:26:13.540 I don't think you're joking. 0.98

01:26:14.540 I think you're being deadly serious, Mr. President. 0.99

01:26:15.920 By the way, the studio's a shithole. 0.98

01:26:19.100 What's wrong with the studio? 1.00

01:26:20.120 It reminds me of some of these shithole countries that we have to do business with. 1.00

01:26:24.080 It's just quite similar.

01:26:25.060 I don't know.

01:26:25.400 I just get a bad feeling about it.

01:26:29.120 Just a bad feeling.

01:26:30.020 I thought it was the greatest studio in the world. 1.00

01:26:31.760 No, it's a shithole. 1.00

01:26:33.180 It's a shit? 1.00

01:26:33.680 Yeah. 1.00

01:26:34.340 You should have granite.

01:26:35.860 You should have marble.

01:26:36.840 You should have gold.

01:26:37.560 You don't have any of that.

01:26:39.440 It's fake, actually.

01:26:40.740 Everything about it is fake. 0.98

01:26:41.640 In fact, you're fake.

01:26:42.900 With?

01:26:43.240 Yeah.

01:26:43.760 You're not even here. 0.86

01:26:44.800 You're fake.

01:26:45.460 Are you even happy to be in the UK, Mr. President? 0.94

01:26:48.140 Well, I will say that it's not recognised.

01:26:51.960 It's not recognisable, that I will say.

01:26:54.240 And you know that better than anybody.

01:26:55.820 You walk down the street, I don't know who I'm looking at. 0.99

01:26:59.160 Everybody is a man or a woman, or they claim to be a man or a woman. 0.68

01:27:02.140 You have men in women's sports here, right?

01:27:05.700 And your new Prime Minister, I mean, your old one, he was not Churchill, that I will

01:27:09.000 say.

01:27:10.000 I think your new one's worse.

01:27:11.000 I would agree with you on that.

01:27:12.000 I think he's worse, actually.

01:27:13.380 It's a very good point, Mr. President.

01:27:15.120 The only thing that would be worse is if you two ever run for politics.

01:27:17.860 You better not do that.

01:27:20.240 Yeah.

01:27:20.760 We won't.

01:27:21.460 No, we definitely won't.

01:27:22.800 I mean, I'm quite taken aback by that.

01:27:27.420 You're in a state of shock.

01:27:28.740 I'm in a state of shock.

01:27:29.700 You're in a state of shock. 1.00

01:27:30.960 You know, it's so pathetic. 0.98

01:27:33.960 And there's a lot of rumors at the moment that you're going to be running for a third term. 0.97

01:27:40.500 Are you going to be on this show and quash those rumors?

01:27:43.900 Well, I might.

01:27:44.860 Yeah.

01:27:45.180 I haven't revealed that yet.

01:27:46.560 Yeah, I think a lot of people will be happy about that.

01:27:49.620 You wouldn't be happy about it, because...

01:27:51.620 It would be unconstitutional.

01:27:53.120 Well, actually, there's a whole debate about that. 0.99

01:27:56.380 Nobody likes to talk about it, but it's true.

01:27:58.640 There's nothing unconstitutional about it.

01:28:00.480 By the way, you're British. 1.00

01:28:01.800 You're nobody who cares what the hell you think about anything anymore. 1.00

01:28:05.740 And they haven't for a long time, and you know that.

01:28:08.480 But yeah, I have to run for a third term, potentially, we'll see, we'll see.

01:28:12.100 And the reason is, you know why, right?

01:28:13.800 We've got to get the ballroom done.

01:28:16.000 We've got to get that ballroom.

01:28:16.960 We've got to get that ballroom.

01:28:18.700 We really do.

01:28:20.320 And I'm putting you on notice, if I do,

01:28:22.500 because I will come into the studio on the third term 0.99

01:28:24.600 and I will bomb the shit out of both of you. 1.00

01:28:26.560 You know that, right? 1.00

01:28:28.460 He knows that.

01:28:30.200 And on that note, what's your...

01:28:32.180 Have you ever had a missile fall on your head?

01:28:34.660 No, no.

01:28:35.120 You've never felt a missile. 0.68

01:28:36.420 A big, beautiful B-2 bomber straight on your heads.

01:28:39.020 Think of it.

01:28:39.940 That would be beautiful, right?

01:28:41.940 Two B-2 bombers on both of your heads.

01:28:46.000 I don't think it will be beautiful.

01:28:49.240 I'm going to be honest, but nevertheless...

01:28:52.520 Mr. President, I don't understand the hostility. 0.99

01:28:55.500 Well, you're just nasty people. 1.00

01:28:56.620 You're just bad people. 1.00

01:28:57.900 I don't know what else to say about it. 1.00

01:28:59.940 Everything I do, it's Iran's butt. 1.00

01:29:03.280 No, we think closing the border. 1.00

01:29:05.560 No, no, excuse me.

01:29:06.000 No, no, excuse me.

01:29:06.720 You close the border.

01:29:07.700 Excuse me.

01:29:08.080 No, you don't think that's good.

01:29:09.160 You don't think that's good.

01:29:09.800 No, no, I think that...

01:29:10.180 You are criticising it. 0.91

01:29:11.240 Don't be so nasty.

01:29:11.940 Don't be so rude.

01:29:13.040 Don't be rude in front of your friend here.

01:29:14.620 Why don't you just be a nice person for once, if it's possible?

01:29:17.400 Go ahead.

01:29:17.760 What do you want to say? 1.00

01:29:18.800 He's going to ask some stupid question now, right? 0.99

01:29:21.700 I was just going to say, I think it's wonderful that you were able to close the border. 0.99

01:29:25.280 You ended the legal immigration into the U.S. 0.99

01:29:27.320 I did do that. 1.00

01:29:27.860 Give you credit for that.

01:29:28.720 I did do that.

01:29:29.060 I think that's great.

01:29:30.200 But it's true.

01:29:31.200 You know, we've been skeptical about the war in Iran.

01:29:33.600 Well, why are you skeptical about it?

01:29:35.000 Why don't you tell me to my face?

01:29:36.940 Why don't you say to my face right now, what is it about the war in Iran that you're so against?

01:29:42.060 Well, first of all... 0.90

01:29:43.020 Do you want them to have a nuke?

01:29:45.020 No.

01:29:45.340 They can never have a nuke.

01:29:46.580 I agree.

01:29:47.180 Do you agree?

01:29:47.900 Yes.

01:29:48.520 So what are you against?

01:29:49.660 Well, on a political level... 1.00

01:29:51.680 He's so stupid. 1.00

01:29:52.560 I don't know why your friends win. 1.00

01:29:53.980 He's so stupid. 1.00

01:29:55.160 You're calling me low IQ. 1.00

01:29:56.240 You're so low IQ. 0.99

01:29:57.440 You're worse than Tucker Carlson, actually. 1.00

01:29:59.200 Worse? 0.98

01:29:59.640 You're worse. 1.00

01:30:00.260 You're worse. 1.00

01:30:00.820 I bet him...

01:30:01.400 You know what?

01:30:01.920 I'm going to...

01:30:02.320 In my third term, I'm going to call this place, when I invade it and take it over, I'm going 1.00

01:30:05.680 to call it Trigamerica. 0.98

01:30:07.980 And it's going to be higher IQ than you two, especially you. 0.91

01:30:10.700 I don't know why you hang out with him. 0.99

01:30:11.980 you're so low IQ. Who would you replace us with? That's a good question. Probably 0.89

01:30:18.160 Jared Kushner and Steve Whitcomb. I probably would. But you were saying why you're against

01:30:25.240 it and you can continue. So on a political level, you said yourself, you might lose the

01:30:32.720 midterms and then you'll be impeached. But also in a practical sense, you're clearly

01:30:37.100 losing the war. Well, again, how am I losing the war? The war is won. It's won. It's over.

01:30:43.180 So why is it so ongoing? It's not ongoing. That's fake news. Look, when you think about it,

01:30:48.400 I have beaten Iran and I've beaten and beaten and beaten the hell out of them. And people say, 1.00

01:30:53.840 oh, no, it's over. And people should say, well, people say, well, maybe you should use the new

01:30:58.060 condom or maybe you're going to hit them again. There's no need. The straits are open. Shipping

01:31:02.460 is better than it's ever been before. And it's way better, by the way. And it's not even close.

01:31:06.280 Your prices are down.

01:31:07.980 People are getting eggs.

01:31:09.300 People are getting eggs now.

01:31:10.380 People are eating eggs in abundance.

01:31:12.680 There's so many eggs.

01:31:13.880 So many eggs are coming through the Straits of America from Iran, right? 0.88

01:31:17.780 Nobody thought that was possible. 0.69

01:31:19.140 You never thought that was possible.

01:31:20.720 I didn't realize we imported eggs from Iran.

01:31:22.480 Well, we do, quite frankly.

01:31:23.740 And we actually import everything.

01:31:25.620 It's not from Iran anymore.

01:31:27.720 We're very sure it's going to be America.

01:31:28.900 It's going to be another state, 52nd state after Canada, actually,

01:31:33.620 when you count that. Or actually 53rd when you count Greenland. It's going to be a beautiful

01:31:38.920 thing. So you better watch it. I'm putting you on notice. You both better watch it, right?

01:31:45.800 And what's the one thing that we're not talking about, Mr. President, that we should be?

01:31:50.740 What a terrific job I'm doing. What a terrific job I'm doing. People don't like to talk about

01:31:57.660 what a fantastic job I'm doing. They don't like to say it. You know why, right?

01:32:02.080 Not.

01:32:02.460 Because they're worried about the elections.

01:32:04.040 You have the Democrats.

01:32:05.220 I call them Democrats.

01:32:06.220 You two are like Democrats. 0.99

01:32:08.460 Low IQ. 0.64

01:32:09.320 If you're an American, you'd be Democrats. 0.59

01:32:10.880 That I will say.

01:32:11.980 Or you'd probably be with Tucker Carlson and probably even more low IQ than him. 1.00

01:32:15.440 Or Candace Kooky.

01:32:16.320 I call her Kooky Candace, right?

01:32:18.320 Yeah, we don't like her or Tucker either.

01:32:20.080 Well, then we can agree on that.

01:32:21.320 We can be friends on that.

01:32:22.280 At least we can have a bit of an agreement.

01:32:25.800 But, yeah, they don't want me to run again.

01:32:28.500 And they don't want to cooperate. 1.00

01:32:30.720 They're so dumb. 1.00

01:32:32.120 Have you enjoyed this interview, Mr. President? 1.00

01:32:34.340 Well, I will say that it is, you've given me a fair hearing.

01:32:38.100 I will say that I don't think you did when I'm not here, 0.99

01:32:40.280 which says something about you two, and you're basically cowards. 0.97

01:32:43.480 But I think, yeah, I think it's been pleasant. 0.98

01:32:47.220 But I won't come again.

01:32:49.240 I wouldn't come here again, no, no.

01:32:51.280 I mean, England is totally unrecognisable.

01:32:53.820 I don't know where I am even half the time.

01:32:55.780 And your coffee is terrible, by the way.

01:32:57.780 In fact, your mugs are terrible. 0.98

01:32:58.760 Everything about you is terrible. 0.98

01:33:01.660 Quite frankly.

01:33:08.660 Tommy Robinson, welcome back to Shigenomashi.

01:33:11.660 Yeah, pleasure to be here.

01:33:13.660 So what didn't we talk about the first time we had you on that we should have talked about?

01:33:17.660 We didn't talk about my friends from Luton. I'm a journalist from Luton.

01:33:22.660 I had a friend called Abdullah Duck. He was Donald Duck in the past.

01:33:26.660 He was a mate of mine. Converted to radical Islam. 1.00

01:33:30.080 Now he's Donald Abdullah Duck. We don't talk about that. 0.94

01:33:33.820 I only know this because I'm a journalist.

01:33:36.320 Other mates of mine. We don't talk about him.

01:33:39.680 Muhammad Gizmo. Just used to be Gizmo. 1.00

01:33:41.780 From the Gremlins. He's now Muhammad Gizmo. 1.00

01:33:44.740 He's a fucking terrorist, mate. 1.00

01:33:46.460 Why are you worried about Islam and its effect on our country, Tommy? 1.00

01:33:51.480 Never said that. All I've ever said...

01:33:53.760 I've said that radical Islam is the problem. 0.96

01:33:55.840 People are coming up to me in the street saying, 0.97

01:33:57.800 do you want to fight?

01:33:58.880 Why are you saying this about Islam?

01:34:00.760 I don't actually say anything about Islam.

01:34:02.460 If you look at everything that I've said,

01:34:03.920 I've actually said only good things about Islam.

01:34:06.060 I just don't know radical Islam.

01:34:08.000 That's all.

01:34:09.620 I know that because I'm from Luton.

01:34:11.620 Tommy, you've obviously got into a lot of altercations and fights

01:34:14.600 and you seem to have kind of jumpy energy a little bit.

01:34:17.440 I'm from Luton.

01:34:18.520 I'm not perfect.

01:34:21.420 That's a fair point.

01:34:22.840 So what's your question?

01:34:24.520 I was just going to say, you know,

01:34:26.220 do you seek out the confrontation?

01:34:28.840 Are you a violent person by nature?

01:34:31.440 I've got to walk up.

01:34:32.700 Listen, I'm from London, so I'm not perfect.

01:34:34.320 I grew up as a lad.

01:34:36.320 Fighting was a thing.

01:34:37.700 But when I'm in the street walking on my own,

01:34:39.920 I've got to film everything.

01:34:41.420 People don't understand.

01:34:42.400 I don't walk around with security.

01:34:43.780 People come up to me and want to fight.

01:34:46.040 If they want to fight, I will do it.

01:34:47.720 But I'm trying to avoid it. 0.99

01:34:49.260 I don't try to get in fucking fights, mate. 0.98

01:34:51.300 People come up to me in a confrontation 0.98

01:34:52.540 because they don't like my journalism because they know it's too good yeah and they don't

01:34:56.160 want my rallies yeah so yeah there seems to be a lot of sniffing going on here uh tommy there's

01:35:03.020 a lot of people have insinuated it might be uh something a bit nefarious what would you say

01:35:07.240 people from looting sniff yeah especially journalists from looting huh we sniff yeah

01:35:13.260 and how do you see yourself do you see yourself as a freedom fighter an activist a journalist

01:35:19.240 What are you, Tommy?

01:35:20.640 So, a lot of the journalists that I do is online.

01:35:23.340 All the stuff that I do, all the tweets and all that,

01:35:25.760 people call it hate.

01:35:27.460 Thanks to Elon Musk, I've got free speech again.

01:35:29.960 Got to remember, I was put in solitary confinement.

01:35:32.560 Sniffing.

01:35:33.460 I was put in solitary confinement.

01:35:35.940 Now that I'm out, I think my goal is just to wake people up.

01:35:40.980 That's all my goals.

01:35:41.920 Just wake people up.

01:35:43.240 That's it.

01:35:44.500 They'll be voting for Rupert Lowe, so, yeah.

01:35:46.560 Would you ever go back to Luton?

01:35:47.940 I always go back to Luton.

01:35:50.200 Luton's my hometown. 0.94

01:35:51.720 I fucking love Luton. 0.94

01:35:53.480 But when I was growing up in Luton, 0.98

01:35:55.720 there was about three mosques.

01:35:57.700 Now there's about one million of them.

01:35:59.820 So, yeah.

01:36:00.840 And I don't exaggerate.

01:36:02.000 Nothing that I say online is exaggerated.

01:36:04.800 So, yeah.

01:36:05.820 Believe what you want.

01:36:09.560 Tommy, final question's always the same.

01:36:11.620 What's the one thing we're not talking about that we really should be?

01:36:14.020 Radical Islam and Donald Abdul-Ladak,

01:36:16.020 A mate of mine who converted to radical Islam.

01:36:18.620 That's it. 1.00

01:36:24.160 So, Francis, welcome back.

01:36:25.720 It's been a while since we did one of these.

01:36:28.560 How have you been and what have you made of, you know,

01:36:30.640 everything that's been going on?

01:36:31.860 Well, first of all, I just want to say that I hate Argentina. 0.98

01:36:36.200 I hate Argentina. 0.98

01:36:39.660 The lying, the cheating, and we don't talk about it enough. 0.98

01:36:45.060 we're not nobody's talking about the arrogance about Argentina and also what's been going on

01:36:52.180 in the news with Andy Burnham has he ended homelessness no has he delivered on any of

01:36:58.220 the things that he says he will of course he hasn't and we don't talk about it and his first

01:37:03.580 PMQs absolutely awful he should probably read my book uneducated

01:37:10.600 so Constantine how do you see the political situation in the UK at the moment I think it's 0.99

01:37:18.680 a shit show mate I think it's only getting worse and it's interesting because if you speak to people 0.87

01:37:22.760 like Peter Hitchens you realize actually Peter was kind of right about everything I don't know 0.99

01:37:27.900 whether you agree with that but I think Peter was right about everything and then you look at what's

01:37:32.320 been happening in the news I don't know whether you watch the brain rot of the Candace Owens and

01:37:35.620 Andrew Wilson debate but it was literally just her talking about facts as if they were facts 1.00

01:37:40.620 but really they were just her fucking feelings. It takes me a lot of restraint on X not to respond 0.98

01:37:45.760 to things like saying Candace is a complete cunt. I have to restrain myself all the time 1.00

01:37:50.540 but I managed to do it. So who is the worst? Is it Candace? Is it Tucker? Is it Nick Fuentes?

01:38:01.680 I mean, they're all just as bad as each other. 0.95

01:38:03.600 They're all kooky. 0.98

01:38:04.300 You've got kooky Candice, you've got nasty Nick. 0.87

01:38:06.580 And who was the other one?

01:38:09.140 Tucker.

01:38:09.700 I don't think I even want to. 1.00

01:38:10.880 I mean, he's just a coke head. 1.00

01:38:13.460 I mean, he's clearly just a coke head. 1.00

01:38:14.800 He's just on lines all the time. 1.00

01:38:15.940 And we've actually seen that in this studio today, haven't we?

01:38:24.800 Tony Lapidus, thank you for all those hilarious impressions.

01:38:27.420 Thanks for coming on, mate.

01:38:28.320 My pleasure. Thank you for having me.

01:38:29.460 Yeah, it was really, really good. How did you get so good at all of these different characters?

01:38:34.880 Well, I've been doing impressions since I was about the size of this mug.

01:38:39.460 You know, they started, all starts in the playground, all starts with...

01:38:43.260 So you took a lot of beatings when you were a kid.

01:38:44.640 Many beatings. Oh no, you should have seen the other guys.

01:38:47.820 But I, you know, it all starts in the playground, a lot of family members,

01:38:52.760 anybody who got too close to me made the mistake of getting too close to me,

01:38:56.580 got impersonated and that's and so that's why the teachers absolutely hated me growing up

01:39:02.120 but the pupils my classmates liked me so yeah just for that and how do you create a really

01:39:09.320 good impression what is it what is the art of a good impression um I think firstly it's always

01:39:15.360 the voice um but in in my case particularly I think one of the things I'm that I'm quite good

01:39:21.580 that is uh embodying the people yeah and changing my face almost that's why i i try to like so when

01:39:28.020 i when i did um milo you know his entire face changes um and when i do you know i do some

01:39:35.100 boxes and people like that i change my face for like um tyson fury and the people i imitate in

01:39:39.400 sports world and i always think that even where sometimes the voice might be lacking a little bit

01:39:44.240 if you move your body like them um if you if you change your facial expressions like them you can

01:39:49.180 really make up they can really compensate for that but the goal is always the voice so um

01:39:53.820 for me it's not actually about studying them i don't try and study them what i do is i listen

01:40:00.620 to them i started off listening to your podcast just listening out of a matter of interest

01:40:04.920 and eventually something just kind of clicks some you can't even do in the beginning but the more

01:40:10.020 you just listen just absorb them um suddenly if you look at for example the peter hitchens impression

01:40:16.160 that I did my very first one just isn't the same one as it is now and that applies for a lot of

01:40:20.700 them so it's just about letting it in and then realizing you talk to yourself a lot as well

01:40:24.940 which makes people think you're mad yeah yeah Peter Hitchens is really good uh there was actually

01:40:29.900 a question I think from our supporters on Substack which was which one of us is harder to do an

01:40:34.240 impression of and I have to say I think it must be me your Francis it seems to me like a lot more

01:40:39.060 on the money yeah I think you're right I think you're right I actually remember your very first

01:40:42.340 reaction to my uh to my impression of you you said why do i sound american yeah um i still do

01:40:48.440 i don't think you do in the bit that we did for substack i don't think i you or me sounds american

01:40:53.680 oh okay is it i think is there something about me that's just a bit hard to imitate or bland or

01:41:00.500 what no but but again you're somebody who i i think i do your body language better than i do

01:41:04.460 the voice yeah um i think people can see what i'm getting at with the voice even if it's not 100

01:41:08.360 percent um i think people see i think people people online about actually very nice and

01:41:13.040 encouraging you know they'll say like this one's improving that one's improved they've always liked

01:41:16.260 yours yours is yours has just been easier the body language is is is actually funny because

01:41:21.000 why exaggerate i mean i tell you you're not constantly doing that with your glasses i've

01:41:24.300 just made you do that for no reason um i have picked up on little things that that but you'll

01:41:29.460 say like we're not talking about enough but there's a part of me that actually doesn't like

01:41:33.860 doing them and i'll tell you why because i always feel that once people have heard that it's kind

01:41:38.340 It's almost a bit of a mirror being held up to them.

01:41:40.580 And I don't want to make you reluctant to say you're from Venezuela. 0.63

01:41:43.920 Not that I could have caused that. 0.99

01:41:45.560 There's no way you're going to get him to stop fucking saying that. 0.99

01:41:47.480 I take no responsibility for that. 0.99

01:41:49.800 But there are certain phrases, I think.

01:41:51.820 But I think, yeah, I think you are definitely the harder one to crack, I think.

01:41:57.780 I find it interesting that people react badly to them.

01:42:01.540 Because to me, number one, it's a sign that you've kind of made it

01:42:05.820 when people are doing impersonations of you

01:42:07.500 and people recognise the impersonation.

01:42:09.880 And two, it's a compliment that people take the time,

01:42:15.020 like impressionists take the time,

01:42:16.280 in order to create what they think is an impression of you.

01:42:18.840 Yeah, I agree.

01:42:20.220 I think I remember the very first one I did of James O'Brien

01:42:23.080 many years ago at the height of Brexit.

01:42:25.400 He gave me a few shout-outs.

01:42:27.260 He actually, it's on there somewhere on YouTube,

01:42:29.240 somewhere of him saying I was Mike Yarwood level.

01:42:31.460 I was very proud of that kind of thing.

01:42:33.680 And I just think that the problem when you do political impressions,

01:42:38.300 and I do now, but it was the war that got me into political impressions,

01:42:41.320 the war, the Israel-Hamas war.

01:42:42.980 Before that, I just had a whole bank of them. 1.00

01:42:44.540 I never did them. I just did sports one.

01:42:46.640 They got into this to do basically boxing and TV shows.

01:42:49.980 But with political impressions, sometimes people will see them,

01:42:53.740 the victim, the target, and they'll probably think

01:42:56.320 this is a reflection of his opinions.

01:42:58.340 And the truth is, it isn't always.

01:43:00.000 The truth is, sometimes it is.

01:43:01.400 And sometimes it's just a pinch of both.

01:43:03.680 Um, and so sometimes, you know, they'll take something that I've said, I could do an impression

01:43:09.980 of Russell Brand and very easily he could hear what I'm saying, think I'm making fun of him or

01:43:14.600 finding him guilty or not. I could do Andrew Tate and they'll think, oh, this reflects how he feels

01:43:19.700 about me. Any of them. Um, but it isn't always. So some of them don't always like it. He's actually

01:43:24.800 a massive Andrew Tate and Russell Brand fan. Yeah. Who is? Me? Yeah. I'm actually a massive fan of

01:43:30.820 clearly yeah yeah yeah um i was gonna say you've got to do before we go you've got to do you have

01:43:36.500 you seen his tyson fury no it's amazing why i don't understand why we didn't ask him to do it

01:43:41.620 all right yeah well because because this was meant to be political yeah and what you do is a lot of

01:43:46.340 politics and so when you're doing tyson fury as well yeah you've got to stick your jaw out a little

01:43:51.140 bit like that you know what i'm talking about and you've got to sniff and you've got to breathe in

01:43:56.340 through your teeth yeah because so far no one's knocked my teeth out so i'm able to breathe in

01:44:01.380 through them and when you're the best heavyweight champion in the world what's ever lived in history

01:44:05.140 yeah you can call yourself a gypsy king so when you're the best venezuelan what's ever lived in 0.74

01:44:10.260 heavyweight history you can call yourself the king of venezuela maybe you can actually overtake 0.85

01:44:14.420 overthrow and overtake maduro maybe you can do that i don't know i don't know what i'll say can

01:44:20.820 Can you do a Dana White?

01:44:23.420 He sounds so good when I do it to myself.

01:44:27.500 No, I can do some others that I've been getting a go.

01:44:31.060 Which ones?

01:44:32.540 But not harsh judgment here, right?

01:44:34.900 No, no, no.

01:44:35.140 These are works in progress.

01:44:36.460 My David Starkey is one that I'm working on,

01:44:39.380 but there's an overlap between him and Douglas Murray,

01:44:40.880 and you'll see, you've got to admit

01:44:42.960 that there is a certain element of revenge

01:44:46.900 in what you've done.

01:44:48.400 But anyway, we won't get into that.

01:44:50.820 That's very good.

01:44:51.740 Yeah, that's the basis of it.

01:44:52.740 That's the basis of it.

01:44:53.540 What others didn't we talk?

01:44:56.500 The Lex Friedman one's always a popular one.

01:44:58.700 Lex Friedman, you know, one of your peers, podcaster,

01:45:01.620 who always talks about love and is always talking about aliens

01:45:05.460 and loves aliens and loves everybody

01:45:08.140 and only wants to see the world of peace.

01:45:12.420 Have you ever read George Orwell's 1984 or Animal Farm?

01:45:17.860 That's Lex Friedman, basically, in a nutshell.

01:45:20.820 Is there anyone else? Oh, Hunter Biden. Okay, let's do it.

01:45:23.860 Hunter Biden is someone I'm working on at the moment.

01:45:25.400 I watched an interview with him and Nick Fuentes recently. 0.99

01:45:29.660 There's a fucking company. 0.99

01:45:30.820 Yeah, oh, I'm going to do it. Oh, the Medihassan. Let's get to Medihassan in a second. 1.00

01:45:35.420 Nick Fuentes, Norman Finkelstein. Oh, the list goes on.

01:45:39.380 Nick Fuentes, when he's having this conversation, and for some reason, Hunter Biden keeps saying to him,

01:45:44.260 No, this is where you lose me, Nick. This is where you lose me.

01:45:47.580 The whole thing you said about the cookies, Nick,

01:45:49.560 it was hurtful. You can understand.

01:45:51.920 I don't think you meant it, Nick.

01:45:53.520 And he did mean it. You know, the things he said,

01:45:55.380 you just keep saying that to him.

01:45:56.900 It'll be funny once I stick a fake podcast together.

01:45:59.700 Of course, I do the one with Mehdi Hassan.

01:46:01.780 Which, what's better? Have any of you

01:46:03.440 read Zateo? You've never read Zateo, have you?

01:46:06.040 I conduct polls in Zateo all the time.

01:46:07.560 I've been talking about this since 2015.

01:46:09.240 I've spoken about this and I've published things online.

01:46:11.600 Neither of you are familiar with it.

01:46:12.660 I do. Anyway,

01:46:14.300 that's a Mehdi Hassan one.

01:46:16.660 but very hard to do because he speaks so fast but yeah well tony that was so great having you on

01:46:21.060 the really funny great impressions uh where can people find your work thank you and uh tell

01:46:25.860 everybody you know we'll make sure to do a youtube collab so people can find you well first of all

01:46:29.700 thank you to both of you for having me on really appreciate the shot really appreciate just uh

01:46:33.300 hosting me um so tony lapidus uh youtube um my youtube page is the one um i'm also on instagram

01:46:41.220 and on TikTok and on X.

01:46:43.520 My political impressions are mainly on X and YouTube,

01:46:46.300 and it's more sporty on Instagram and TikTok,

01:46:48.980 but there's also plenty of that there.

01:46:50.540 So the more, the merrier. 0.98

01:46:52.020 Support, get behind me now.

01:46:53.840 Well, it's still early, right?

01:46:55.660 Tony, thanks for coming on.

01:46:56.820 Thank you.

01:46:57.260 And head on over to triggerpod.co.uk.

01:46:59.740 We'll see some more impressions and answers to your questions.

01:47:03.100 D. Mr. Hitchens, after reading every word you've ever written,

01:47:06.620 I still don't know your position on drugs.

01:47:08.660 Do you have any strong opinions on drugs?

01:47:10.540 wouldn't you agree that most people would be happier if they occasionally indulged in drugs?

TRIGGERnometry - September 09, 2026

Comedian DESTROYS Every Triggernometry Guest - Tony Lapidus

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