Laugh in a Time of Corona: Episode 3 | Scott Capurro and Julian Deane
Episode Stats
Words per Minute
187.00047
Summary
In this episode of Laugh in the Time of Corona, the lads are joined by Scott Caporro, who is in quarantine in San Francisco, and Jules Deen, who has not yet heard of the internet.
Transcript
00:00:00.080
Hello, everybody. Welcome to episode three of Laugh in a Time of Corona.
00:00:04.980
We're here, as usual, with Francis, myself, and two brilliant guests tonight.
00:00:08.880
Francis, do you want to introduce our guests for tonight?
00:00:10.900
Absolutely. We've got two amazing guests for you that some of you might know.
00:00:15.520
The first guest, we've got Mr. Scott Caporro. Hello, Scott.
00:00:21.080
Very, very well. And Scott, you're going to bring a little bit of an international flavor to it,
00:00:25.560
as you are based in San Francisco at the moment, aren't you?
00:00:27.920
right now i am i'm in well not in quarantine but it feels like in prison but yes we're here
00:00:33.760
fantastic and our other brilliant guest today it was uh it was meant to be red richardson however
00:00:41.240
due to the fact that red is based in devon and unfortunately they haven't yet heard of the
00:00:47.040
internet he could no longer join our chat um however we've got a fantastic guest here who
00:00:53.040
we're going to book later on but we brought him in it's uh julian dean hey julian hey
00:00:57.840
how you doing is covid down in devon yet no mate they don't even know what that is fair enough i
00:01:04.240
was surprised to find out they had the internet mate to be honest hey blood ski this uh first
00:01:08.040
comment for today welcome to episode three of laugh in the time of corona more people are joining
00:01:13.000
and saying hello uh it's good to see you guys i hope you're all well uh we've got two brilliant
00:01:19.460
guests for you one of them is just blowing his nose i don't know which one it was it was it
00:01:23.540
I've heard that's a little bit contagious. I think the old rona and Ian Parker. Hello and welcome to have you back. June bug is here as always. Welcome one. Welcome all. It's good to have you guys here. I hope you're all well, Francis. Let's get cracking with the show.
00:01:45.440
So the way we always start the show is we ask people how they are
00:01:51.660
Well, I don't even know what it's called anymore.
00:01:57.640
How have you been spending your self-isolation in Frisco?
00:02:01.160
I've been self-violating as often as possible with all this time on my hands and lube.
00:02:06.440
So my husband and I are taking advantage of the time to get to know each other a little bit more,
00:02:12.540
and then um i knew enough about him already but apparently there's more and uh we've been
00:02:18.360
desperately hunting for food we went out yesterday looking for cleaning products because i'm a double
00:02:23.260
sag and he found somehow cabaret chocolate eggs and bought about 80 of them he's shoving them in
00:02:28.380
right now his mouth in the other room and uh we're gonna go for a drive later it's very pretty here
00:02:33.420
it's just going quiet there's parking and uh if anywhere is open serving coffee for example the
00:02:41.180
people doing it are nice so it's like the city of my childhood it's as if other than this experience
00:02:46.900
right now it's as if the internet never happened which is amazing uh it's going back to sort of
00:02:51.700
working class needy sort of desperate demanding town i like it i mean in a way i'll miss corona
00:02:57.660
the worst thing about it is that it's going to come to an end and then we'll go back to how we
00:03:01.620
were before you know how we were before so this is good you know sort of although the deaths that's
00:03:09.320
nothing well done for for making that for pulling it back at the end there just clarifying your
00:03:15.440
position on the whole everybody fucking dying thing i want to be a nurse from now on because
00:03:20.460
they can cut line the red it's like the red sea parts when the nurses come into the market it's
00:03:25.680
amazing everybody gets out of their way that's the next job i think after this well we've got a
00:03:30.380
couple of uh of comments uh scott while you were talking white blotters sent a super chat thank you
00:03:35.240
for the two bucks says keep up the good work fellas uh call me mickey says loving scott from
00:03:40.660
santa barbara a long time no see uh and uh a bunch of people were saying hi beauties i assume they
00:03:46.640
must be talking to scott uh just based on on what i'm looking at in this four-person view here
00:03:51.400
but sorry sorry sorry julian i i usually make jokes at francis expense you just you were
00:03:59.040
collateral damage in that particular observation mate he's a straight white male he's all they're
00:04:03.980
all collateral damage get rid of them anyway let's move on to julian how have you been spending your
00:04:09.920
uh self-isolation julian i'm actually um loving it to be honest apart from you know there's an
00:04:16.040
eerie sense of death around like and it's scary the numbers that are going to die and that's
00:04:20.220
obviously bleak but in my little world it's nice you know i mean um i'm just i'm watching everything
00:04:29.340
there is to watch about covid i'm basically a got a phd and laying in bed watching porn
00:04:36.120
on the hour every hour because i'm not letting this change my way of life do you know what i mean
00:04:40.380
and um yeah just eating healthy trying to exercise um and yeah just enjoying it man
00:04:47.940
it's quite nice going down the supermarket queuing up and it's quite there's a peace around isn't
00:04:54.440
it's like a long Sunday but obviously there's numbers dying so that's bleak well I love the
00:05:02.220
way we started this everybody's just really happy and actually Nina Nina who said hello
00:05:07.240
YouTube beauty she was talking about me and Francis believe it or not she says we make her
00:05:12.060
love so much she's probably just listening to the audio or something she really needs a hug
00:05:21.940
And Greco Brick Girl, who's a British girl living in Greece,
00:05:29.580
That's your audience feedback for the day, Julian.
00:05:43.820
It feels like we're just, there's no, you know,
00:05:48.380
I mean, even my husband said, and he's not very complimentary in general, he said that he's liking the way California feels, like people are helping each other out, you know.
00:06:02.400
But there's also photos running online of his country, Brazil, ignoring the virus as they dig graves in, say, Apollo.
00:06:08.860
So I guess he feels better being here for reasons such as those, you know.
00:06:12.240
So Bolsonaro is not taking this seriously in any shape or form, is he?
00:06:18.380
as a world leader he's not no he thinks it's all a conspiracy to kind of you know undermine
00:06:25.060
his economy and his authority he's the last leader on earth uh who's not you know doing
00:06:32.040
what he should be doing which is guiding his people through some sort of phase of you know
00:06:36.720
hunkering down he's telling people go back to work act like a man but to me acting like a man
00:06:41.920
means being you know vain and predatory i think what they should be doing i'm still doing that
00:06:46.600
just from my home yeah it's terrifying I don't you know and I I feel like there's some leaders
00:06:55.660
in the U.S. who are doing the same I don't know if you read about that governor of Georgia
00:06:58.780
who said yesterday in a press conference well we didn't know that you could have this without
00:07:05.000
having any symptoms her and I he said her and I her and his wife her and I we didn't know he lives
00:07:12.480
six miles from the center for disease control six miles you could yell out the results to his home
00:07:18.360
i just feel like there's a lot of people with blinders on who don't who are terrified of their
00:07:22.660
of their economic status altering uh and you know we're suffering from that my husband and i too but
00:07:28.180
we think we should probably try to live first and then worry about our jobs after that's that's our
00:07:32.460
strategy is that stupid what do you think no i think that's a that's a that's a good strategy
00:07:37.100
what's your strategy Julian to survive this what survive staying in bed and doing what I've got to
00:07:43.560
do and exercising and eating healthy and taking my dogs out and zoom in it's nice man like um
00:07:50.200
it's better than the second world war anyway got a different uniform but um yeah I'm quite
00:07:58.260
enjoying it it is worrying that I don't know like the conspiracy thing like I keep getting the it's
00:08:03.180
5g and all that kind of thing and i was going to watch a video on it i just want to see what
00:08:07.900
they're saying but i don't want to get pulled into it because i can get pulled into things
00:08:11.540
next thing i'm fucking thinking it's a conspiracy and starting whatsapp stuff
00:08:16.340
sending it around but um yeah i don't know what is the conspiracy thing anyway does anyone know
00:08:22.640
do you know constantly we're gonna play a little game with you julian not just with you with
00:08:26.700
everybody if i just said you it sounded creepy and also that's the first time you've smiled
00:08:30.980
throughout the whole thing but uh well we're going to look at conspiracies yeah we're going
00:08:36.460
to be looking at the conspiracies and uh i've got four real ones well one real one and four
00:08:41.800
made up ones but we'll do that later on yeah sorry well i was gonna i was gonna say uh greco
00:08:50.020
brit girl says we're desperate to get back to work people have absolutely no financial backup here in
00:08:54.860
greece it's grim for so many if people can financially survive for a couple of months
00:08:58.820
that's great many can't and then she thought about it some more and just went sorry to be a downer
00:09:03.620
it's valid though isn't it i i did i have had a few moments of like anxiety attacks like for about
00:09:11.040
an hour or two then i just have a wank and it's like oh i was just hungry yeah you just you're
00:09:17.860
just wanking your way through it mate not just hungry that was finally got victorian and when
00:09:24.880
his hand went to his pearls here as he talked about his own survival it's very sweet very old
00:09:30.160
school yeah i feel like you know um a lot of things are being relearned i mean i'm doing stand-up
00:09:37.260
you told us to plug ourselves i'm doing stand-up every saturday night well every night at 10 o'clock
00:09:41.940
doing 10 minutes and then a live show from my living room and i'm thinking in san francisco
00:09:46.260
on instagram and i'm thinking maybe this is the way it should be anyway i mean i've always had
00:09:50.620
this dream about being a rock star you know uh driving up to the stadium rolling the window down
00:09:55.220
yelling my jokes out the window rolling the window up and driving off and maybe this is the equivalent
00:09:59.520
to that maybe i don't have to deal with clubs or promoters or any of that bullshit fuck that
00:10:03.680
i'm doing stand-up like julian said from my bed right do that people like it i mean people don't
00:10:09.900
have to leave their homes either maybe this is the the wave of comedy in the future you know
00:10:15.220
none of us like audiences anyway they're all a bunch of cunts maybe this is the way
00:10:18.460
that we find a better way of expressing ourselves without the threats of an audience you know
00:10:26.460
throwing glasses at us or cutting ourselves on the way out i mean who wants to play sheffield
00:10:30.240
when half the audience are beating each other up in the street on the way back to a hotel anyway
00:10:34.160
maybe this is the new sheffield this is it this is how comedy should be right sheffield is taking
00:10:39.680
a pounding tonight um but um a very important question just to interrupt sheffield takes a
00:10:45.680
pounding most nights mate absolutely uh i haven't met him uh anyway uh danger mouse says can we
00:10:53.520
presume julian has taken advantage of free porn hub then this important question julian which
00:10:57.500
would like you to address in to the whole of the internet what's porn hub what's that
00:11:02.480
you're a benefactor i um i wish i bought shares in it i'll tell you i wish i bought shares in
00:11:09.560
zoom everyone's using zoom now aren't they like like at the opportunity wait guess who owns zoom
00:11:16.300
by the way the russians the chinese uh so so conveniently they start a virus and then boom
00:11:24.020
their company is the one that we all use to talk or rather zoom yeah yeah yeah
00:11:52.780
Do you see those memes that go around when it's like China and stuff?
00:11:58.360
But if you've been watching the press conferences, the US ones.
00:12:03.440
and um deborah is that her name yeah yeah yeah they're quality man i want them to adopt me after
00:12:08.880
this i like the governor of new york he's good yeah he seems a bit i mean he's very real isn't
00:12:14.540
he when i was just listening to his thing today live like they're not got enough ventilators
00:12:18.920
they're not got enough anything i was like i want to change channel man yeah it's a bit
00:12:23.040
i don't want to get mixed up in his dramas do you know what i mean yeah yeah who writes this shit
00:12:30.440
yeah trump's got a lot of punchlines though he does have a lot of punchline i like how he blames
00:12:34.900
he blames the nurses that's good right like they're selling them on ebay or something it's
00:12:41.720
funny yeah yeah when did he play the nurses he said they're selling um some of the equipment
00:12:46.980
out the back door oh right sneaking out the back door yeah yeah but like the hospitals yeah some
00:12:52.060
of the hospitals he's keeping an eye on that but the doctors i mean his team's good isn't it the
00:12:57.360
doctors are quality man yeah one of the i'm so glad his son-in-law's involved i feel so much
00:13:02.760
safer with the gay nazi yeah it's like that black guy with a big dick um he's taken care of
00:13:10.060
so yeah we're safe we're safe and how is the situation in california is it i presume it's
00:13:18.280
not as bad as new york right well the population's less concentrated right we're yeah we're we're
00:13:25.000
less of a petri dish and um there's more open space i think that probably has something to do
00:13:29.120
with it but it's doing okay also the the governor of california gavin newsom uh shut the state down
00:13:35.640
before anyone else did really in the u.s and then a lot of local mayors and county officials shut
00:13:43.780
down cities before which is why i think i think that's part of the reason why our numbers are low
00:13:49.600
in california compared to our population i mean it's one tenth of the population of the country
00:13:54.460
live here but our numbers are much lower than the state of new york or other other concentrated hubs
00:13:59.740
you know i think how long have you been in lockdown for scott uh we've been a state um i heard the
00:14:06.700
term self-isolation here i came back march 2nd and people were using the term already here and
00:14:13.440
i hadn't heard it before and then the lockdown started about it was the day after the who called
00:14:20.500
a pandemic which i think the was at the 11th of march so the next day my husband arrived from the
00:14:26.360
uk i wasn't sure he was going to make it and he did and that's when the lockdown that the lockdown
00:14:30.860
started about weekends it's pretty soon pretty early on compared to the rest of the u.s i mean
00:14:35.400
not the rest of the world and because we've been dragging our you know our our bloated feet on this
00:14:42.800
one for a while so and how is it enforced is it you know is it done the british way where it's
00:14:48.200
gently persuading? Or is it more like if you get out, you'll get a fine, you'll get $50,
00:14:54.280
whatever it is. I don't know. Well, I've heard stories of people being ticketed on the freeways
00:14:59.120
here, being pulled over and ticketed by police because they're not doing essential travel. But
00:15:02.980
that may just be urban myth. I haven't seen any police or National Guard on the streets. We've
00:15:09.020
seen police cars cruising a bit, but I think they're looking for looters because we see them
00:15:12.560
more at night uh driving around but we feel i feel safer actually wandering the streets now than i
00:15:19.800
did before all this happened like it's again it's quieter and people seem to be respecting distance
00:15:25.560
and again the bay area is keeping their numbers really low in terms of infection and death numbers
00:15:31.400
so that's one of the reasons why we stayed why we ignored british airways when they told us you
00:15:36.680
either come back this weekend or we we're not sure when we can get you back so we thought well
00:15:41.680
we should stay here i mean to me it sounds is the metaphor i think i mentioned to you of a horror
00:15:46.400
movie when uh the guy with the flashlights walking into a closet when there's a serial killer on the
00:15:52.180
loose thinking i hope there's no killers in here we felt that way about going back to london it's
00:15:55.980
like why should we leave the the bright open space to go to you know london where it's a bit more
00:16:01.940
concentrated and the danger is a bit higher where we are no that's fair enough and julian are you
00:16:08.440
missing comedy well i'm still i'm still kind of doing podcasts and have i'm still having a laugh
00:16:16.540
and that's what it is isn't it i don't miss the facial expression when you said that
00:16:23.160
i don't miss the travel like five hours each way on a saturday night i don't i do miss the gigging
00:16:29.620
and stuff yeah but i mean it's like a holiday this is the longest i've been without a gig since
00:16:35.940
i started um i'm getting better sleep eating better you know i mean it's all right mate
00:16:41.600
apart from all the death obviously i don't want to i feel quite selfish like absolutely in my element
00:16:47.620
um so yeah i'm really enjoying it as well man like i said i'm going for a daily walk with my
00:16:54.360
wife spending more time with her sleeping a lot eating healthy coronavirus has been brilliant
00:16:59.020
for my health exactly i think i think that's the irony this virus will make the people who don't
00:17:04.780
diet a lot healthier and um like i've been doing like i took i've been taking food this isn't a
00:17:11.120
virtue signal it is a virtue signal but taking food to a couple of old people as well and that
00:17:16.680
makes me feel better about fucking loving this life so that's all right you know i mean are you
00:17:21.980
part of the volunteering scheme appreciate it are you volunteer did you volunteer for the government
00:17:27.140
scheme no no just a couple of people i know so i'm a good guy you know i mean it's what i'm trying
00:17:34.280
to say oh we've got we've got a a comment from mark williams oh by the way julian's a vegan so
00:17:40.400
when he takes food around to somebody else's house none of it is edible anyway it's just punishment
00:17:44.860
oh god i've just discovered salt and pepper that's how bad i am in the kitchen as well i've just
00:17:50.260
discovered i was telling people about have you ever tried salt and pepper on something it makes
00:17:54.220
it amazing they're like yeah we've heard of that you know what i mean but it's uh it does make a
00:17:59.740
me all nice didn't it mark williams says at last trigonometry who has found someone who looks more
00:18:05.440
jewish and comes at kk and francis and there won't be egg on my face if it turns out julian
00:18:10.440
actually is jewish so julian i don't even know if i'm i don't think i'm jewish am i
00:18:16.300
why are you asking us it's not like it's not like we have a built-in i mean my mum's not jewish
00:18:22.200
um my dad changed his name to from golden to dean oh yeah you're jewish mate right okay
00:18:35.640
but I also think that if you're genetically Jewish,
00:18:57.480
a signaling prick right okay except for francis obviously yeah that's that's how i and the rest
00:19:04.300
of our audience feel about that as well i love what they've done the south of israel brilliant
00:19:08.980
what have they done so safe for people like me we were in tel aviv and we oh we loved it that's
00:19:16.240
my husband said see hitler could have been so bad i mean that part of israel is so beautiful we love
00:19:22.220
what they've done so great job guys jews guys great job well done jews grega bread girl says
00:19:29.120
we all love francis and then she says i do anyway there you go thank you very much we love francis
00:19:35.100
really that's my middle name actually it is not jewish is it no it's not mate it's an irish name
00:19:41.660
actually is it francis yeah that's why no english people know how to spell it well the man's way is
00:19:48.420
is isn't it and the woman's way is es yeah but everybody yeah miss miss spells it anyway but
00:19:55.100
we might as well do a game so very very quickly what i'm going to do is i'm going to read out for
00:19:59.840
you five conspiracy make it three francis make it three three conspiracy theories um and i want you
00:20:08.240
to work out which one is real and which one is fake this is easy yeah this is easy okay so number
00:20:15.920
one conspiracy theory number one the government are bankrolling porn hub to ensure men stay at
00:20:22.240
home false uh i like to sound that but it sounds it makes sense but it's not true because it was
00:20:30.900
in italy first it's not like every government in the world's doing that they're doing it globally
00:20:35.240
all right keep it on right you can tell you've spent too much time on the internet i can just
00:20:40.260
smell it julian's been fucking he's got to investigate this shit and we've got our first
00:20:45.900
periscope comment from fast eddie how are you doing good to see he says that is definitely true
00:20:51.120
all real okay uh by the way more lanias says anyone ever thought that francis looks like a
00:20:56.760
latex puppet thanks mate appreciate that okay the next one is i'm gonna do four actually
00:21:05.940
the Disney film Tangled predicted the coronavirus epidemic so the Disney film Tangled predicted the
00:21:14.660
coronavirus epidemic I mean that's possible that's possible because there was a lot of predictions
00:21:19.520
of the coronavirus wasn't there yeah well it's always existed so the prediction is a bit weak
00:21:26.440
but anyway yes I mean SARS is a type of corona isn't it COVID-19 is the corona that we've got
00:21:32.720
now yeah you are ready for info i'm looking forward to covid 20 to be honest yeah and the
00:21:39.220
edinburgh flu after each festival that's a corona version too uh yeah yeah yeah okay so uh number
00:21:47.060
three is uh the chinese invented the coronavirus as a revenge for brexit as the chinese large
00:21:53.560
large capitalist supernatural organizations why would they be against brexit don't know
00:22:00.460
And number four is the Queen is dead and it's being silenced to ensure that the UK doesn't go into meltdown.
00:22:07.260
Tangled's the only possible valid one out of all of those that could be true.
00:22:12.000
And that's tenuous anyway. Maybe they had a little reference to some flu and that's what they mean.
00:22:17.800
Are you saying conspiracy theory might not be true?
00:22:21.440
Well, I don't know. All around the flat earth, people believe all sorts of nonsense.
00:22:25.660
i'm going for the porn hub because it's sexist and the world is so that one i'm going for i think
00:22:35.020
okay so you're very right it's very racist as well all right is it porn and all porn's racist
00:22:41.380
yeah they're dropping n-bombs all over the place oh really yeah i don't watch it but my mates yeah
00:22:46.820
friend asking for a friend yeah but that's you know is that is that racist or fetishist
00:23:15.620
So you're going for, Scott, you're going for Pornhub, yes?
00:23:21.040
you were nothing if not a loyal customer well done to you julian which one do you think it is
00:23:27.520
i'm going for tangled but it's also a tenuous link to that being the prediction okay right
00:23:34.380
tangled kk i think tangled as well okay nobody went for the queen no but the queen's dead yeah
00:23:42.780
and it's being silenced to ensure that the uk doesn't go into meltdown who's doing the song
00:23:51.200
Right, you are the worst person to play this game with
00:23:55.620
No, I don't believe David Icke, I'm just saying.
00:23:59.780
I'm just saying he might be right about everything.
00:24:13.900
uh chinese invented the coronavirus as a revenge for brexit that's obviously made up uh the queen
00:24:21.060
is dead and it's and it's being silenced to ensure that the uk doesn't go into meltdown i thought
00:24:25.400
that was a good i think it's too wishful thinking too much wishful thinking in that one i think
00:24:30.060
who would melt down the country wouldn't melt down more than this anyway do you remember what
00:24:35.460
happened when princess died well in suspicious circumstances i nearly said killed but
00:24:41.380
princess dies dead yeah yeah there is that theory going around anyway yeah i mean you know when
00:24:52.240
boris kicks it from this the country will kind of there'll be there'll be a shake-up in the uk
00:24:58.380
because he's really ill right boris is i mean he looked like shit yeah yeah yeah he looks bad
00:25:06.180
usually anyway but he looks really bad right now when he goes who's the next in line i don't even
00:25:10.840
know who it is who's next line call the secretary person yeah it's prince charles is the next in
00:25:17.560
line isn't it isn't it if we have the answer please okay it is it is uh the disney film
00:25:25.220
tangled predicted the coronavirus yep very good that was a very educated informed guest of mine
00:25:32.660
as well so can i just take credit on that yes you know i only i only agreed with it because julian
00:25:39.120
said it agreed with it because julian said it i knew he was going to have a right i thought i
00:25:43.500
wasn't smart enough to come on your podcast as did we um anyway uh scott uh steven mcdonald
00:25:55.440
steven donald says hey scott why is the right stuff so bad now matthew right was great
00:26:00.140
yeah he was great he's still great he's on the radio and he's marvelous and he's doing some
00:26:05.540
morning tv as well but uh they changed direction and fired me so um whatever happens happens you
00:26:12.020
have to i mean i think tv's gotten a bit um the bbc most certainly although i know it's not on
00:26:16.580
the bbc has definitely turned right and it's become a bit of a daily mail fan club um you
00:26:23.560
might have to refer back to constantine about that because he does more about that than i do but
00:26:26.980
yeah i think it's all uh it's all a conspiracy to misinform us which is what this virus is all
00:26:34.140
about i mean i feel fine it must be conspiracy and we've got a super chat francisco we do indeed
00:26:41.920
it's from lazarus long it's 4.99 good stuff thumbs up good to see scott back in the day before i was
00:26:48.840
bound for banned from the bounding gagged it was always a good night when he was on the bill
00:26:53.860
banned what's that how was he banned how did you get banned um i told um no no no no you
00:27:02.440
became a big star i told him to keep his time down on stage because he went over time every
00:27:09.180
time he was on stage and i said you need to cut it and bring me on and don't fuck with me with
00:27:13.320
your long overdue set to go on and on and that was daniel kitson anyway so when i said
00:27:18.840
he was brilliant but he would go on and on do a half hour so after i did that they didn't
00:27:26.640
really invite me back i don't know why but anyway oh wells so you told daniel kitson to shut up
00:27:33.660
i was the first one you're the first one i've seen him do a two-hour show mate we need to be
00:27:40.760
there scott he's great he's great but two hours fucking it's too long even for the best isn't it
00:27:52.120
You can go over two minutes, I think, with yours.
00:27:58.800
But it turns out that Lazarus Longhead was also banned from Bound and Gagged as well.
00:28:09.040
But he or she or they or Zer haven't confirmed.
00:28:17.560
Francis, was there another game we were going to play?
00:28:22.940
So how do you think the world would change as a result of the coronavirus?
00:28:29.360
Other than we've covered the deaths, I think we've all established we're not keen on that.
00:28:34.340
Well, have you been following Madonna on YouTube?
00:28:37.880
Well, we'll all realize that all along she was out of her fucking gourd.
00:28:43.200
She's singing songs from her bathtub covered in rose petals,
00:28:46.300
telling us how we're all on the same ship and if it sinks when it goes down we're all going to go
00:28:51.580
down it's just she rewrites all the lyrics to vogue which as it turns out she doesn't know
00:28:56.420
the lyrics originally to begin with and she's tone deaf and she can't dance even in her own
00:29:00.820
bathroom it's genius oh by the way she's had so much facial surgery that you think that's not
00:29:07.560
madonna that might be a trans that could be francis playing madonna for all we know
00:29:10.900
we'll all realize after this is done that she was never any good to begin with and i've had
00:29:35.620
gay people as well? I don't know why you hate them.
00:29:41.680
pile-on. It's not like an interactive version of
00:29:45.780
something gets misconstrued by an abugrabe your ass motherfucker yeah it's weird i mean madonna
00:29:52.560
you know streisand all that stuff gays are drawn to sort of i think um people that seem like broken
00:29:59.000
wings or they come out of nowhere right that sort of are kind of left of center for a while and then
00:30:04.100
they become huge and then they're not any longer left of center but i think gays also feel a bit
00:30:09.760
um of an affinity toward women on their own because i think sexism and homophobia kind of
00:30:16.340
go hand and manicured hands so that's why women and gay men sort of feel an affiliation i think
00:30:22.440
from the when they meet each other that and there's no weird sex energy like there's between
00:30:27.860
straight guys like yourselves and women because you're all hashtagging me two people you know
00:30:31.740
yeah thanks scott um there we go appreciate that about that two meter thing isn't it we can't do
00:30:40.600
that anymore yeah yeah julian's devastated all the me too opportunities have been taken from us
00:30:47.220
um but uh someone says oh gaza says france is showing his true gammon ideals there we go yeah
00:30:55.320
gammon look the problem is is this camera and this lighting makes me look even more gammon than
00:31:03.040
normal he's the most gamony gammon of all gammons uh but uh julian what do you think how is the
00:31:08.660
world going to be different when this is all over um i i think we'll only know when it happens i
00:31:14.400
think it's going to affect this is such a shit answer but i think it's going to affect things
00:31:18.140
that we don't can't even imagine now at the time we will find out but obviously the economy i think
00:31:23.860
crowds are going to be different from for like maybe a few years um i don't know i think people
00:31:30.480
are just practically i think i'm going to be wearing a mask for about two years or all the
00:31:35.160
time which mask will you choose who do you want to be um madonna
00:31:40.180
it would be quite funny if for two years everyone just wore a gimp mask like from
00:31:47.020
Pulp Fiction just walk around on one of them I've been to that festival actually
00:31:51.540
I bet you have two meter rule at that one is there no
00:31:57.260
that is lovely but by the way did you have a nice time at that festival Scott
00:32:03.000
I don't remember I I woke up that's a yes yeah yeah I was yeah I'm glad I woke up but yeah it
00:32:09.620
was good yeah I couldn't walk for three days but oh well walking's overrated man
00:32:15.860
although people are discovering exercise now during a pandemic that's the irony of it
00:32:20.740
people are going for walks absolutely man absolutely well guys we've got over 200 people
00:32:26.380
watching the stream so make sure before we wrap up you smash that like button so more people get
00:32:30.580
to see it thank you very much for hanging out with us as you know during this time of corona
00:32:35.200
we're putting out a piece of content every day except monday so uh tomorrow francis and i will
00:32:40.240
be back with a stream on sunday we've got an episode with the brilliant dominic frisbee coming
00:32:44.620
out uh monday is our day off and then we'll be back into the usual uh streams episodes etc we've
00:32:51.420
got some cracking interviews coming out in the next few weeks they're going to be really really
00:32:56.320
cool so thank you very much for hanging out with us thank you yeah thanks scott and julian uh just
00:33:01.940
let everybody know where they can follow what you do what you're doing at this time uh and let
00:33:06.700
everybody know uh what's going on with you go on scott first of all um i'm doing stand up live on
00:33:15.880
instagram from my living room every night at eight o'clock pacific standard time in california
00:33:21.600
and then on saturday night every weekend i'm doing a full comedy show with guests
00:33:26.460
i do the live stream from my living room this saturday and then again from up north about an
00:33:31.780
hour with some people on the 10th the friday of april the 10th so yeah every night instagram
00:33:37.400
eight o'clock check it out okay fantastic and what's your instagram scott it's just my name
00:33:43.900
scott capuro and my paypal and uh venmo details are on my instagram page yeah fabulous stuff and
00:33:53.120
julian what is there anything that you particularly want to plug julian um my instagram is julian
00:33:58.940
dean dean's got an e on the end official um my porn hub not normally my uh yeah my twitter julian
00:34:07.460
underscore dean i also do a podcast two vegan idiots with carl donnelly which we're just
00:34:13.680
releasing an episode with paul mccaffrey and we've also got a patreon patreon.com slash two vegan
00:34:20.440
idiots we do release them outside of patreon and they get extra in patreon if that makes sense i'm
00:34:27.560
also doing bikini halls 6 p.m weekdays there you go and june bug says vegans unite uh white blood
00:34:37.320
to send us another two dollars says have a pint we can't mate we have to get it in a bottle and
00:34:41.720
take it home unfortunately but thank you very much for the support and jesus or jesus franco
00:34:46.940
says scott is a great comic so scott there's some lovely feedback for you thanks thank you for that
00:34:52.720
thank you very much to both of you thank you very much to all you guys for tuning in and we'll see
00:34:57.020
tomorrow seven o'clock uk time for another stream take care stay safe and have a good night before
00:35:02.860
before we go uh one person says uh mr stream i was out spreading covid