TRIGGERnometry - Laugh in a Time of Corona： Episode 3 ｜ Scott Capurro and Julian Deane

00:00:00.080 Hello, everybody. Welcome to episode three of Laugh in a Time of Corona.

00:00:04.980 We're here, as usual, with Francis, myself, and two brilliant guests tonight.

00:00:08.880 Francis, do you want to introduce our guests for tonight?

00:00:10.900 Absolutely. We've got two amazing guests for you that some of you might know.

00:00:15.520 The first guest, we've got Mr. Scott Caporro. Hello, Scott.

00:00:19.300 Hello. How are you?

00:00:21.080 Very, very well. And Scott, you're going to bring a little bit of an international flavor to it,

00:00:25.560 as you are based in San Francisco at the moment, aren't you?

00:00:27.920 right now i am i'm in well not in quarantine but it feels like in prison but yes we're here

00:00:33.760 fantastic and our other brilliant guest today it was uh it was meant to be red richardson however

00:00:41.240 due to the fact that red is based in devon and unfortunately they haven't yet heard of the

00:00:47.040 internet he could no longer join our chat um however we've got a fantastic guest here who

00:00:53.040 we're going to book later on but we brought him in it's uh julian dean hey julian hey

00:00:57.840 how you doing is covid down in devon yet no mate they don't even know what that is fair enough i

00:01:04.240 was surprised to find out they had the internet mate to be honest hey blood ski this uh first

00:01:08.040 comment for today welcome to episode three of laugh in the time of corona more people are joining

00:01:13.000 and saying hello uh it's good to see you guys i hope you're all well uh we've got two brilliant

00:01:19.460 guests for you one of them is just blowing his nose i don't know which one it was it was it

00:01:23.540 I've heard that's a little bit contagious. I think the old rona and Ian Parker. Hello and welcome to have you back. June bug is here as always. Welcome one. Welcome all. It's good to have you guys here. I hope you're all well, Francis. Let's get cracking with the show.

00:01:44.640 Absolutely.

00:01:45.440 So the way we always start the show is we ask people how they are

00:01:48.640 and how they've been spending their isolation.

00:01:51.660 Well, I don't even know what it's called anymore.

00:01:53.160 Is it self-isolation?

00:01:54.300 Is it isolation?

00:01:55.320 I don't know.

00:01:56.080 Scott, we'll start off with you.

00:01:57.640 How have you been spending your self-isolation in Frisco?

00:02:01.160 I've been self-violating as often as possible with all this time on my hands and lube.

00:02:06.440 So my husband and I are taking advantage of the time to get to know each other a little bit more,

00:02:11.420 which is a bad choice.

00:02:12.540 and then um i knew enough about him already but apparently there's more and uh we've been

00:02:18.360 desperately hunting for food we went out yesterday looking for cleaning products because i'm a double

00:02:23.260 sag and he found somehow cabaret chocolate eggs and bought about 80 of them he's shoving them in

00:02:28.380 right now his mouth in the other room and uh we're gonna go for a drive later it's very pretty here

00:02:33.420 it's just going quiet there's parking and uh if anywhere is open serving coffee for example the

00:02:41.180 people doing it are nice so it's like the city of my childhood it's as if other than this experience

00:02:46.900 right now it's as if the internet never happened which is amazing uh it's going back to sort of

00:02:51.700 working class needy sort of desperate demanding town i like it i mean in a way i'll miss corona 0.90

00:02:57.660 the worst thing about it is that it's going to come to an end and then we'll go back to how we

00:03:01.620 were before you know how we were before so this is good you know sort of although the deaths that's

00:03:09.320 nothing well done for for making that for pulling it back at the end there just clarifying your 0.81

00:03:15.440 position on the whole everybody fucking dying thing i want to be a nurse from now on because 0.97

00:03:20.460 they can cut line the red it's like the red sea parts when the nurses come into the market it's 0.97

00:03:25.680 amazing everybody gets out of their way that's the next job i think after this well we've got a

00:03:30.380 couple of uh of comments uh scott while you were talking white blotters sent a super chat thank you

00:03:35.240 for the two bucks says keep up the good work fellas uh call me mickey says loving scott from

00:03:40.660 santa barbara a long time no see uh and uh a bunch of people were saying hi beauties i assume they 0.77

00:03:46.640 must be talking to scott uh just based on on what i'm looking at in this four-person view here

00:03:51.400 but sorry sorry sorry julian i i usually make jokes at francis expense you just you were

00:03:59.040 collateral damage in that particular observation mate he's a straight white male he's all they're 0.92

00:04:03.980 all collateral damage get rid of them anyway let's move on to julian how have you been spending your

00:04:09.920 uh self-isolation julian i'm actually um loving it to be honest apart from you know there's an

00:04:16.040 eerie sense of death around like and it's scary the numbers that are going to die and that's

00:04:20.220 obviously bleak but in my little world it's nice you know i mean um i'm just i'm watching everything

00:04:29.340 there is to watch about covid i'm basically a got a phd and laying in bed watching porn

00:04:36.120 on the hour every hour because i'm not letting this change my way of life do you know what i mean

00:04:40.380 and um yeah just eating healthy trying to exercise um and yeah just enjoying it man

00:04:47.940 it's quite nice going down the supermarket queuing up and it's quite there's a peace around isn't

00:04:54.440 it's like a long Sunday but obviously there's numbers dying so that's bleak well I love the

00:05:02.220 way we started this everybody's just really happy and actually Nina Nina who said hello

00:05:07.240 YouTube beauty she was talking about me and Francis believe it or not she says we make her

00:05:12.060 love so much she's probably just listening to the audio or something she really needs a hug

00:05:18.580 She's not going to get one, but she needs one.

00:05:20.680 She really needs one.

00:05:21.940 And Greco Brick Girl, who's a British girl living in Greece, 0.99

00:05:25.360 not surprisingly given her name, says,

00:05:27.120 a long Sunday, lol.

00:05:28.260 So someone has got a joke.

00:05:29.580 That's your audience feedback for the day, Julian.

00:05:32.060 You're smashing it, mate.

00:05:33.240 Julian Dean official on Instagram.

00:05:37.280 With the DMs, two liters.

00:05:39.780 It all feels like Christmas without the abuse.

00:05:41.980 That's how this feels, you know.

00:05:43.820 It feels like we're just, there's no, you know,

00:05:46.120 nothing to do but stare at each other.

00:05:47.700 It feels nice.

00:05:48.380 I mean, even my husband said, and he's not very complimentary in general, he said that he's liking the way California feels, like people are helping each other out, you know.

00:06:00.760 So that's nice.

00:06:02.400 But there's also photos running online of his country, Brazil, ignoring the virus as they dig graves in, say, Apollo.

00:06:08.860 So I guess he feels better being here for reasons such as those, you know.

00:06:12.240 So Bolsonaro is not taking this seriously in any shape or form, is he?

00:06:16.720 As a comedian, he is.

00:06:18.380 as a world leader he's not no he thinks it's all a conspiracy to kind of you know undermine

00:06:25.060 his economy and his authority he's the last leader on earth uh who's not you know doing

00:06:32.040 what he should be doing which is guiding his people through some sort of phase of you know

00:06:36.720 hunkering down he's telling people go back to work act like a man but to me acting like a man

00:06:41.920 means being you know vain and predatory i think what they should be doing i'm still doing that

00:06:46.600 just from my home yeah it's terrifying I don't you know and I I feel like there's some leaders

00:06:55.660 in the U.S. who are doing the same I don't know if you read about that governor of Georgia

00:06:58.780 who said yesterday in a press conference well we didn't know that you could have this without

00:07:05.000 having any symptoms her and I he said her and I her and his wife her and I we didn't know he lives

00:07:12.480 six miles from the center for disease control six miles you could yell out the results to his home

00:07:18.360 i just feel like there's a lot of people with blinders on who don't who are terrified of their

00:07:22.660 of their economic status altering uh and you know we're suffering from that my husband and i too but

00:07:28.180 we think we should probably try to live first and then worry about our jobs after that's that's our 0.98

00:07:32.460 strategy is that stupid what do you think no i think that's a that's a that's a good strategy 0.99

00:07:37.100 what's your strategy Julian to survive this what survive staying in bed and doing what I've got to 1.00

00:07:43.560 do and exercising and eating healthy and taking my dogs out and zoom in it's nice man like um

00:07:50.200 it's better than the second world war anyway got a different uniform but um yeah I'm quite

00:07:58.260 enjoying it it is worrying that I don't know like the conspiracy thing like I keep getting the it's

00:08:03.180 5g and all that kind of thing and i was going to watch a video on it i just want to see what

00:08:07.900 they're saying but i don't want to get pulled into it because i can get pulled into things

00:08:11.540 next thing i'm fucking thinking it's a conspiracy and starting whatsapp stuff 0.95

00:08:16.340 sending it around but um yeah i don't know what is the conspiracy thing anyway does anyone know

00:08:22.640 do you know constantly we're gonna play a little game with you julian not just with you with

00:08:26.700 everybody if i just said you it sounded creepy and also that's the first time you've smiled

00:08:30.980 throughout the whole thing but uh well we're going to look at conspiracies yeah we're going

00:08:36.460 to be looking at the conspiracies and uh i've got four real ones well one real one and four

00:08:41.800 made up ones but we'll do that later on yeah sorry well i was gonna i was gonna say uh greco

00:08:50.020 brit girl says we're desperate to get back to work people have absolutely no financial backup here in

00:08:54.860 greece it's grim for so many if people can financially survive for a couple of months

00:08:58.820 that's great many can't and then she thought about it some more and just went sorry to be a downer

00:09:03.620 it's valid though isn't it i i did i have had a few moments of like anxiety attacks like for about

00:09:11.040 an hour or two then i just have a wank and it's like oh i was just hungry yeah you just you're 0.54

00:09:17.860 just wanking your way through it mate not just hungry that was finally got victorian and when 0.94

00:09:24.880 his hand went to his pearls here as he talked about his own survival it's very sweet very old 0.93

00:09:30.160 school yeah i feel like you know um a lot of things are being relearned i mean i'm doing stand-up

00:09:37.260 you told us to plug ourselves i'm doing stand-up every saturday night well every night at 10 o'clock

00:09:41.940 doing 10 minutes and then a live show from my living room and i'm thinking in san francisco

00:09:46.260 on instagram and i'm thinking maybe this is the way it should be anyway i mean i've always had

00:09:50.620 this dream about being a rock star you know uh driving up to the stadium rolling the window down

00:09:55.220 yelling my jokes out the window rolling the window up and driving off and maybe this is the equivalent 0.99

00:09:59.520 to that maybe i don't have to deal with clubs or promoters or any of that bullshit fuck that 0.98

00:10:03.680 i'm doing stand-up like julian said from my bed right do that people like it i mean people don't 0.97

00:10:09.900 have to leave their homes either maybe this is the the wave of comedy in the future you know 0.97

00:10:15.220 none of us like audiences anyway they're all a bunch of cunts maybe this is the way 0.97

00:10:18.460 that we find a better way of expressing ourselves without the threats of an audience you know 0.57

00:10:26.460 throwing glasses at us or cutting ourselves on the way out i mean who wants to play sheffield

00:10:30.240 when half the audience are beating each other up in the street on the way back to a hotel anyway

00:10:34.160 maybe this is the new sheffield this is it this is how comedy should be right sheffield is taking

00:10:39.680 a pounding tonight um but um a very important question just to interrupt sheffield takes a

00:10:45.680 pounding most nights mate absolutely uh i haven't met him uh anyway uh danger mouse says can we

00:10:53.520 presume julian has taken advantage of free porn hub then this important question julian which

00:10:57.500 would like you to address in to the whole of the internet what's porn hub what's that

00:11:02.480 you're a benefactor i um i wish i bought shares in it i'll tell you i wish i bought shares in

00:11:09.560 zoom everyone's using zoom now aren't they like like at the opportunity wait guess who owns zoom

00:11:16.300 by the way the russians the chinese uh so so conveniently they start a virus and then boom 0.99

00:11:24.020 their company is the one that we all use to talk or rather zoom yeah yeah yeah 0.98

00:11:30.600 stick to the wanking jokes mate 0.83

00:11:33.580 We're not meant to call it the Chinese virus. 0.96

00:11:37.020 We just call it the virus.

00:11:39.240 Namaste.

00:11:42.540 Although the Spanish flu is fine. 1.00

00:11:45.780 You know, fuck those people call it that. 1.00

00:11:47.380 But not the Chinese virus, it's very naughty. 1.00

00:11:49.340 Trump is hilarious, though, man.

00:11:51.000 Trump was cracking me up.

00:11:52.780 Do you see those memes that go around when it's like China and stuff? 1.00

00:11:56.820 It's fucking... 0.99

00:11:58.360 But if you've been watching the press conferences, the US ones. 1.00

00:12:01.760 Yeah.

00:12:02.520 Fauci's good, isn't he?

00:12:03.440 and um deborah is that her name yeah yeah yeah they're quality man i want them to adopt me after

00:12:08.880 this i like the governor of new york he's good yeah he seems a bit i mean he's very real isn't

00:12:14.540 he when i was just listening to his thing today live like they're not got enough ventilators

00:12:18.920 they're not got enough anything i was like i want to change channel man yeah it's a bit 0.99

00:12:23.040 i don't want to get mixed up in his dramas do you know what i mean yeah yeah who writes this shit 0.96

00:12:30.440 yeah trump's got a lot of punchlines though he does have a lot of punchline i like how he blames 0.98

00:12:34.900 he blames the nurses that's good right like they're selling them on ebay or something it's

00:12:41.720 funny yeah yeah when did he play the nurses he said they're selling um some of the equipment

00:12:46.980 out the back door oh right sneaking out the back door yeah yeah but like the hospitals yeah some

00:12:52.060 of the hospitals he's keeping an eye on that but the doctors i mean his team's good isn't it the

00:12:57.360 doctors are quality man yeah one of the i'm so glad his son-in-law's involved i feel so much 1.00

00:13:02.760 safer with the gay nazi yeah it's like that black guy with a big dick um he's taken care of 1.00

00:13:10.060 so yeah we're safe we're safe and how is the situation in california is it i presume it's 1.00

00:13:18.280 not as bad as new york right well the population's less concentrated right we're yeah we're we're

00:13:25.000 less of a petri dish and um there's more open space i think that probably has something to do

00:13:29.120 with it but it's doing okay also the the governor of california gavin newsom uh shut the state down

00:13:35.640 before anyone else did really in the u.s and then a lot of local mayors and county officials shut

00:13:43.780 down cities before which is why i think i think that's part of the reason why our numbers are low

00:13:49.600 in california compared to our population i mean it's one tenth of the population of the country

00:13:54.460 live here but our numbers are much lower than the state of new york or other other concentrated hubs

00:13:59.740 you know i think how long have you been in lockdown for scott uh we've been a state um i heard the

00:14:06.700 term self-isolation here i came back march 2nd and people were using the term already here and

00:14:13.440 i hadn't heard it before and then the lockdown started about it was the day after the who called

00:14:20.500 a pandemic which i think the was at the 11th of march so the next day my husband arrived from the

00:14:26.360 uk i wasn't sure he was going to make it and he did and that's when the lockdown that the lockdown

00:14:30.860 started about weekends it's pretty soon pretty early on compared to the rest of the u.s i mean

00:14:35.400 not the rest of the world and because we've been dragging our you know our our bloated feet on this

00:14:42.800 one for a while so and how is it enforced is it you know is it done the british way where it's

00:14:48.200 gently persuading? Or is it more like if you get out, you'll get a fine, you'll get $50,

00:14:54.280 whatever it is. I don't know. Well, I've heard stories of people being ticketed on the freeways

00:14:59.120 here, being pulled over and ticketed by police because they're not doing essential travel. But

00:15:02.980 that may just be urban myth. I haven't seen any police or National Guard on the streets. We've

00:15:09.020 seen police cars cruising a bit, but I think they're looking for looters because we see them

00:15:12.560 more at night uh driving around but we feel i feel safer actually wandering the streets now than i

00:15:19.800 did before all this happened like it's again it's quieter and people seem to be respecting distance

00:15:25.560 and again the bay area is keeping their numbers really low in terms of infection and death numbers

00:15:31.400 so that's one of the reasons why we stayed why we ignored british airways when they told us you

00:15:36.680 either come back this weekend or we we're not sure when we can get you back so we thought well

00:15:41.680 we should stay here i mean to me it sounds is the metaphor i think i mentioned to you of a horror

00:15:46.400 movie when uh the guy with the flashlights walking into a closet when there's a serial killer on the

00:15:52.180 loose thinking i hope there's no killers in here we felt that way about going back to london it's

00:15:55.980 like why should we leave the the bright open space to go to you know london where it's a bit more

00:16:01.940 concentrated and the danger is a bit higher where we are no that's fair enough and julian are you

00:16:08.440 missing comedy well i'm still i'm still kind of doing podcasts and have i'm still having a laugh

00:16:16.540 and that's what it is isn't it i don't miss the facial expression when you said that

00:16:23.160 i don't miss the travel like five hours each way on a saturday night i don't i do miss the gigging

00:16:29.620 and stuff yeah but i mean it's like a holiday this is the longest i've been without a gig since

00:16:35.940 i started um i'm getting better sleep eating better you know i mean it's all right mate

00:16:41.600 apart from all the death obviously i don't want to i feel quite selfish like absolutely in my element

00:16:47.620 um so yeah i'm really enjoying it as well man like i said i'm going for a daily walk with my

00:16:54.360 wife spending more time with her sleeping a lot eating healthy coronavirus has been brilliant 0.69

00:16:59.020 for my health exactly i think i think that's the irony this virus will make the people who don't

00:17:04.780 diet a lot healthier and um like i've been doing like i took i've been taking food this isn't a

00:17:11.120 virtue signal it is a virtue signal but taking food to a couple of old people as well and that

00:17:16.680 makes me feel better about fucking loving this life so that's all right you know i mean are you 0.93

00:17:21.980 part of the volunteering scheme appreciate it are you volunteer did you volunteer for the government 0.96

00:17:27.140 scheme no no just a couple of people i know so i'm a good guy you know i mean it's what i'm trying

00:17:34.280 to say oh we've got we've got a a comment from mark williams oh by the way julian's a vegan so

00:17:40.400 when he takes food around to somebody else's house none of it is edible anyway it's just punishment

00:17:44.860 oh god i've just discovered salt and pepper that's how bad i am in the kitchen as well i've just

00:17:50.260 discovered i was telling people about have you ever tried salt and pepper on something it makes

00:17:54.220 it amazing they're like yeah we've heard of that you know what i mean but it's uh it does make a

00:17:59.740 me all nice didn't it mark williams says at last trigonometry who has found someone who looks more

00:18:05.440 jewish and comes at kk and francis and there won't be egg on my face if it turns out julian 0.99

00:18:10.440 actually is jewish so julian i don't even know if i'm i don't think i'm jewish am i

00:18:16.300 why are you asking us it's not like it's not like we have a built-in i mean my mum's not jewish

00:18:22.200 um my dad changed his name to from golden to dean oh yeah you're jewish mate right okay

00:18:28.640 You get it on your mum's side, don't you?

00:18:31.860 Yeah, that's not how it works, really.

00:18:33.640 I mean, that's technically how it works,

00:18:35.640 but I also think that if you're genetically Jewish,

00:18:37.760 you're kind of Jewish.

00:18:38.680 We are all Jewish.

00:18:40.460 We are all Jewish.

00:18:42.380 We are all Corona.

00:18:44.500 We are all Jewish.

00:18:45.620 I like Jews, so I'd like to be Jewish.

00:18:48.880 Yeah, I'm happy to be Jewish.

00:18:51.440 Why do you like Jews, Julian? 1.00

00:18:53.360 I like all people, man.

00:18:55.920 Well done, you got out of that one.

00:18:57.480 a signaling prick right okay except for francis obviously yeah that's that's how i and the rest

00:19:04.300 of our audience feel about that as well i love what they've done the south of israel brilliant

00:19:08.980 what have they done so safe for people like me we were in tel aviv and we oh we loved it that's

00:19:16.240 my husband said see hitler could have been so bad i mean that part of israel is so beautiful we love

00:19:22.220 what they've done so great job guys jews guys great job well done jews grega bread girl says

00:19:29.120 we all love francis and then she says i do anyway there you go thank you very much we love francis

00:19:35.100 really that's my middle name actually it is not jewish is it no it's not mate it's an irish name

00:19:41.660 actually is it francis yeah that's why no english people know how to spell it well the man's way is

00:19:48.420 is isn't it and the woman's way is es yeah but everybody yeah miss miss spells it anyway but 1.00

00:19:55.100 we might as well do a game so very very quickly what i'm going to do is i'm going to read out for

00:19:59.840 you five conspiracy make it three francis make it three three conspiracy theories um and i want you

00:20:08.240 to work out which one is real and which one is fake this is easy yeah this is easy okay so number

00:20:15.920 one conspiracy theory number one the government are bankrolling porn hub to ensure men stay at

00:20:22.240 home false uh i like to sound that but it sounds it makes sense but it's not true because it was

00:20:30.900 in italy first it's not like every government in the world's doing that they're doing it globally

00:20:35.240 all right keep it on right you can tell you've spent too much time on the internet i can just 0.97

00:20:40.260 smell it julian's been fucking he's got to investigate this shit and we've got our first 0.99

00:20:45.900 periscope comment from fast eddie how are you doing good to see he says that is definitely true 0.99

00:20:51.120 all real okay uh by the way more lanias says anyone ever thought that francis looks like a

00:20:56.760 latex puppet thanks mate appreciate that okay the next one is i'm gonna do four actually

00:21:05.940 the Disney film Tangled predicted the coronavirus epidemic so the Disney film Tangled predicted the

00:21:14.660 coronavirus epidemic I mean that's possible that's possible because there was a lot of predictions

00:21:19.520 of the coronavirus wasn't there yeah well it's always existed so the prediction is a bit weak

00:21:26.440 but anyway yes I mean SARS is a type of corona isn't it COVID-19 is the corona that we've got

00:21:32.720 now yeah you are ready for info i'm looking forward to covid 20 to be honest yeah and the

00:21:39.220 edinburgh flu after each festival that's a corona version too uh yeah yeah yeah okay so uh number

00:21:47.060 three is uh the chinese invented the coronavirus as a revenge for brexit as the chinese large 1.00

00:21:53.560 large capitalist supernatural organizations why would they be against brexit don't know

00:22:00.460 And number four is the Queen is dead and it's being silenced to ensure that the UK doesn't go into meltdown.

00:22:07.260 Tangled's the only possible valid one out of all of those that could be true.

00:22:12.000 And that's tenuous anyway. Maybe they had a little reference to some flu and that's what they mean.

00:22:17.800 Are you saying conspiracy theory might not be true?

00:22:21.440 Well, I don't know. All around the flat earth, people believe all sorts of nonsense.

00:22:25.660 i'm going for the porn hub because it's sexist and the world is so that one i'm going for i think 0.97

00:22:35.020 okay so you're very right it's very racist as well all right is it porn and all porn's racist 0.93

00:22:41.380 yeah they're dropping n-bombs all over the place oh really yeah i don't watch it but my mates yeah 0.95

00:22:46.820 friend asking for a friend yeah but that's you know is that is that racist or fetishist

00:22:54.640 There's a fine line, isn't there?

00:22:56.700 Yeah, I think there is.

00:22:57.600 I mean, the way I say it is fetishes, 1.00

00:22:59.620 but I've heard others say it, yeah.

00:23:02.400 Yeah, you whisper it.

00:23:03.540 If I remember correctly, you whisper it.

00:23:05.820 But when they yell it, that's the bad time.

00:23:07.660 I blow it in ears.

00:23:09.180 Yeah, yeah.

00:23:10.460 Let someone, let's get an answer

00:23:12.220 and then someone's got a question.

00:23:14.220 Okay, so, right.

00:23:15.620 So you're going for, Scott, you're going for Pornhub, yes?

00:23:18.540 I am.

00:23:19.200 I always do.

00:23:19.820 I always do and I will today.

00:23:21.040 you were nothing if not a loyal customer well done to you julian which one do you think it is

00:23:27.520 i'm going for tangled but it's also a tenuous link to that being the prediction okay right

00:23:34.380 tangled kk i think tangled as well okay nobody went for the queen no but the queen's dead yeah

00:23:42.780 and it's being silenced to ensure that the uk doesn't go into meltdown who's doing the song

00:23:47.180 David Icke said none of this, has he?

00:23:49.600 Jesus, look at you.

00:23:51.200 Right, you are the worst person to play this game with

00:23:54.060 because you believe all of it.

00:23:55.620 No, I don't believe David Icke, I'm just saying.

00:23:58.920 Right, OK.

00:23:59.780 I'm just saying he might be right about everything.

00:24:01.780 I don't believe our Lord and Saviour, no.

00:24:05.860 So, we have got...

00:24:08.740 It's the government have bankrolled in Pornhub

00:24:11.200 to ensure men stay at home. 0.98

00:24:12.580 I'm sorry, that was made up.

00:24:13.900 uh chinese invented the coronavirus as a revenge for brexit that's obviously made up uh the queen 1.00

00:24:21.060 is dead and it's and it's being silenced to ensure that the uk doesn't go into meltdown i thought

00:24:25.400 that was a good i think it's too wishful thinking too much wishful thinking in that one i think

00:24:30.060 who would melt down the country wouldn't melt down more than this anyway do you remember what

00:24:35.460 happened when princess died well in suspicious circumstances i nearly said killed but

00:24:41.380 princess dies dead yeah yeah there is that theory going around anyway yeah i mean you know when

00:24:52.240 boris kicks it from this the country will kind of there'll be there'll be a shake-up in the uk 0.99

00:24:58.380 because he's really ill right boris is i mean he looked like shit yeah yeah yeah he looks bad 0.96

00:25:06.180 usually anyway but he looks really bad right now when he goes who's the next in line i don't even 0.93

00:25:10.840 know who it is who's next line call the secretary person yeah it's prince charles is the next in

00:25:17.560 line isn't it isn't it if we have the answer please okay it is it is uh the disney film

00:25:25.220 tangled predicted the coronavirus yep very good that was a very educated informed guest of mine

00:25:32.660 as well so can i just take credit on that yes you know i only i only agreed with it because julian

00:25:39.120 said it agreed with it because julian said it i knew he was going to have a right i thought i

00:25:43.500 wasn't smart enough to come on your podcast as did we um anyway uh scott uh steven mcdonald

00:25:55.440 steven donald says hey scott why is the right stuff so bad now matthew right was great

00:26:00.140 yeah he was great he's still great he's on the radio and he's marvelous and he's doing some

00:26:05.540 morning tv as well but uh they changed direction and fired me so um whatever happens happens you

00:26:12.020 have to i mean i think tv's gotten a bit um the bbc most certainly although i know it's not on

00:26:16.580 the bbc has definitely turned right and it's become a bit of a daily mail fan club um you

00:26:23.560 might have to refer back to constantine about that because he does more about that than i do but

00:26:26.980 yeah i think it's all uh it's all a conspiracy to misinform us which is what this virus is all

00:26:34.140 about i mean i feel fine it must be conspiracy and we've got a super chat francisco we do indeed

00:26:41.920 it's from lazarus long it's 4.99 good stuff thumbs up good to see scott back in the day before i was

00:26:48.840 bound for banned from the bounding gagged it was always a good night when he was on the bill

00:26:53.860 banned what's that how was he banned how did you get banned um i told um no no no no you

00:27:02.440 became a big star i told him to keep his time down on stage because he went over time every 0.99

00:27:09.180 time he was on stage and i said you need to cut it and bring me on and don't fuck with me with 0.99

00:27:13.320 your long overdue set to go on and on and that was daniel kitson anyway so when i said 0.56

00:27:18.840 he was brilliant but he would go on and on do a half hour so after i did that they didn't

00:27:26.640 really invite me back i don't know why but anyway oh wells so you told daniel kitson to shut up 0.54

00:27:33.660 i was the first one you're the first one i've seen him do a two-hour show mate we need to be 0.97

00:27:40.760 there scott he's great he's great but two hours fucking it's too long even for the best isn't it 0.98

00:27:48.020 That's why I keep mine to 159. 0.97

00:27:50.340 Do you know what I mean?

00:27:52.120 You can go over two minutes, I think, with yours.

00:27:54.400 You reckon you have to do it?

00:27:55.800 Yeah.

00:27:56.360 I'll keep it tight, though.

00:27:57.500 Short and sweet.

00:27:58.800 But it turns out that Lazarus Longhead was also banned from Bound and Gagged as well.

00:28:04.160 The person who sent us the super chat.

00:28:06.280 Why was Lazarus banned?

00:28:08.020 Yeah, that's what I asked him.

00:28:09.040 But he or she or they or Zer haven't confirmed. 0.85

00:28:14.880 So we'll find out.

00:28:16.780 We'll find out.

00:28:17.560 Francis, was there another game we were going to play?

00:28:20.280 No, no, no.

00:28:20.700 That was it?

00:28:21.920 Yeah.

00:28:22.320 All right, guys.

00:28:22.940 So how do you think the world would change as a result of the coronavirus?

00:28:26.860 What will be different when this is all over?

00:28:29.360 Other than we've covered the deaths, I think we've all established we're not keen on that.

00:28:34.340 Well, have you been following Madonna on YouTube?

00:28:36.900 No. 0.99

00:28:37.880 Well, we'll all realize that all along she was out of her fucking gourd. 0.99

00:28:41.880 You have to watch those videos. 0.99

00:28:43.200 She's singing songs from her bathtub covered in rose petals,

00:28:46.300 telling us how we're all on the same ship and if it sinks when it goes down we're all going to go

00:28:51.580 down it's just she rewrites all the lyrics to vogue which as it turns out she doesn't know

00:28:56.420 the lyrics originally to begin with and she's tone deaf and she can't dance even in her own

00:29:00.820 bathroom it's genius oh by the way she's had so much facial surgery that you think that's not 1.00

00:29:07.560 madonna that might be a trans that could be francis playing madonna for all we know

00:29:10.900 we'll all realize after this is done that she was never any good to begin with and i've had

00:29:16.020 that fight with so many gays, lost so many 1.00

00:29:17.860 friendships before this, and now I'll

00:29:19.980 be winning.

00:29:21.880 Why is it that gay men love Madonna 0.73

00:29:24.080 so much? I don't get it. 0.97

00:29:25.960 Not just gay men, like everyone does. 1.00

00:29:28.360 Yeah, the world loves Madonna,

00:29:29.940 Francis. Don't be like that, Francis.

00:29:31.680 Why do you hate

00:29:33.920 Madonna, Francis? Why do you hate

00:29:35.620 gay people as well? I don't know why you hate them. 0.93

00:29:38.300 Yeah.

00:29:39.700 This is an absolute

00:29:41.680 pile-on. It's not like an interactive version of

00:29:43.820 Twitter here. I say one thing

00:29:45.780 something gets misconstrued by an abugrabe your ass motherfucker yeah it's weird i mean madonna 1.00

00:29:52.560 you know streisand all that stuff gays are drawn to sort of i think um people that seem like broken 1.00

00:29:59.000 wings or they come out of nowhere right that sort of are kind of left of center for a while and then

00:30:04.100 they become huge and then they're not any longer left of center but i think gays also feel a bit 1.00

00:30:09.760 um of an affinity toward women on their own because i think sexism and homophobia kind of

00:30:16.340 go hand and manicured hands so that's why women and gay men sort of feel an affiliation i think

00:30:22.440 from the when they meet each other that and there's no weird sex energy like there's between

00:30:27.860 straight guys like yourselves and women because you're all hashtagging me two people you know

00:30:31.740 yeah thanks scott um there we go appreciate that about that two meter thing isn't it we can't do

00:30:40.600 that anymore yeah yeah julian's devastated all the me too opportunities have been taken from us

00:30:47.220 um but uh someone says oh gaza says france is showing his true gammon ideals there we go yeah

00:30:55.320 gammon look the problem is is this camera and this lighting makes me look even more gammon than

00:31:03.040 normal he's the most gamony gammon of all gammons uh but uh julian what do you think how is the

00:31:08.660 world going to be different when this is all over um i i think we'll only know when it happens i 0.92

00:31:14.400 think it's going to affect this is such a shit answer but i think it's going to affect things

00:31:18.140 that we don't can't even imagine now at the time we will find out but obviously the economy i think 0.95

00:31:23.860 crowds are going to be different from for like maybe a few years um i don't know i think people

00:31:30.480 are just practically i think i'm going to be wearing a mask for about two years or all the

00:31:35.160 time which mask will you choose who do you want to be um madonna 0.79

00:31:40.180 it would be quite funny if for two years everyone just wore a gimp mask like from 1.00

00:31:47.020 Pulp Fiction just walk around on one of them I've been to that festival actually

00:31:51.540 I bet you have two meter rule at that one is there no 0.96

00:31:57.260 that is lovely but by the way did you have a nice time at that festival Scott

00:32:03.000 I don't remember I I woke up that's a yes yeah yeah I was yeah I'm glad I woke up but yeah it

00:32:09.620 was good yeah I couldn't walk for three days but oh well walking's overrated man

00:32:15.860 although people are discovering exercise now during a pandemic that's the irony of it

00:32:20.740 people are going for walks absolutely man absolutely well guys we've got over 200 people

00:32:26.380 watching the stream so make sure before we wrap up you smash that like button so more people get

00:32:30.580 to see it thank you very much for hanging out with us as you know during this time of corona

00:32:35.200 we're putting out a piece of content every day except monday so uh tomorrow francis and i will

00:32:40.240 be back with a stream on sunday we've got an episode with the brilliant dominic frisbee coming

00:32:44.620 out uh monday is our day off and then we'll be back into the usual uh streams episodes etc we've

00:32:51.420 got some cracking interviews coming out in the next few weeks they're going to be really really

00:32:56.320 cool so thank you very much for hanging out with us thank you yeah thanks scott and julian uh just

00:33:01.940 let everybody know where they can follow what you do what you're doing at this time uh and let

00:33:06.700 everybody know uh what's going on with you go on scott first of all um i'm doing stand up live on

00:33:15.880 instagram from my living room every night at eight o'clock pacific standard time in california

00:33:21.600 and then on saturday night every weekend i'm doing a full comedy show with guests

00:33:26.460 i do the live stream from my living room this saturday and then again from up north about an

00:33:31.780 hour with some people on the 10th the friday of april the 10th so yeah every night instagram

00:33:37.400 eight o'clock check it out okay fantastic and what's your instagram scott it's just my name

00:33:43.900 scott capuro and my paypal and uh venmo details are on my instagram page yeah fabulous stuff and

00:33:53.120 julian what is there anything that you particularly want to plug julian um my instagram is julian

00:33:58.940 dean dean's got an e on the end official um my porn hub not normally my uh yeah my twitter julian

00:34:07.460 underscore dean i also do a podcast two vegan idiots with carl donnelly which we're just 0.85

00:34:13.680 releasing an episode with paul mccaffrey and we've also got a patreon patreon.com slash two vegan 0.89

00:34:20.440 idiots we do release them outside of patreon and they get extra in patreon if that makes sense i'm 0.88

00:34:27.560 also doing bikini halls 6 p.m weekdays there you go and june bug says vegans unite uh white blood 0.99

00:34:37.320 to send us another two dollars says have a pint we can't mate we have to get it in a bottle and

00:34:41.720 take it home unfortunately but thank you very much for the support and jesus or jesus franco

00:34:46.940 says scott is a great comic so scott there's some lovely feedback for you thanks thank you for that

00:34:52.720 thank you very much to both of you thank you very much to all you guys for tuning in and we'll see

00:34:57.020 tomorrow seven o'clock uk time for another stream take care stay safe and have a good night before

00:35:02.860 before we go uh one person says uh mr stream i was out spreading covid

00:35:08.580 happy chinese new year

00:35:13.120 take care everybody see you next time

TRIGGERnometry - April 03, 2020

Laugh in a Time of Corona： Episode 3 ｜ Scott Capurro and Julian Deane

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