Bankas Podcast - 7pm in Austin ｜ The Bankas Show - #049

00:00:00.000 ladies and gentlemen welcome back to the bankers show i know we had no podcast last week due to

00:00:07.260 the fact that i uprooted and left the country that is called canada toronto canada that's where i'm

00:00:15.260 from that's where i'm born and raised born at toronto east general hospital and i've uprooted

00:00:21.100 to austin texas that's right everybody's moving to texas right now drake drake moved to houston

00:00:29.560 texas we'll talk about the drake concert that i went to a couple last week on friday in san antonio

00:00:37.860 texas shout out danny um shout out drake shout out murder b was an absolutely insane experience but

00:00:49.600 basically i left toronto on i don't even remember what date right at the beginning of march i think

00:00:57.040 it was like march 8th that makes sense and within five days shout out to my agent jj um making it

00:01:11.060 happen and um shout out adam egott at the mothership for making it happen getting me up on stage

00:01:21.360 in little boy it's little boy and fat man right those are the names of the nuclear bombs and those

00:01:29.080 are the names that were dropped on nagasaki and hiroshima that murdered hundreds of thousands of

00:01:35.400 people that is what the names of the both rooms at joe rogan's comedy club the mothership are called

00:01:42.540 i'm sure you already knew that if you listen to his podcast but i had the pleasure of performing in

00:01:49.340 little man which fits about 110 120 people it's a tight super intimate very modern cool room

00:01:58.140 and i had the privilege of performing there uh about five four or five days after i left toronto

00:02:06.540 as a showcase spot and i killed it i mean one of my jew jokes didn't work properly because

00:02:15.660 there was some there was some jews there there was israelis there after the show they're like come

00:02:21.240 to israel but so it's basically like toronto's but the jokes for the most part smashed a lot of my 0.92

00:02:31.560 all new shit pretty much that i came up with in the five four or five days that i had before that 0.65

00:02:38.000 showcase and how you might ask did i come up with that material i came up with it by working 0.97

00:02:44.220 i work i go to work okay i go to comedy shows shout out leo kanopka i stayed at his house

00:02:53.960 uh for the first couple days till his cat pissed on one of my good hoodies and i was like i gotta go

00:02:58.940 but he runs a shit ton of shows in austin maggie mays which is essentially it's a bar right across the

00:03:07.540 street from mothership and he does shows there like five times a week so i was able to do like

00:03:14.900 three of those shows plus he hooked me up got me on the creek show shout out to uh i think his name

00:03:21.180 is matt you know his last name um pull it up he's a cool cat matt ross shout out matt ross in austin matt

00:03:33.000 ross comic on insta he hooked me up on one of on a spot for the at the creaking cave

00:03:38.660 that i actually kind of bombed to be honest because i went on stage just trying all this

00:03:45.200 new stuff and trying to figure out what's good right like i'm an immigrant right now i am my 0.73

00:03:49.460 worst enemy because i'm in a new country and i have to figure out what the fuck the vibe is and how 0.85

00:03:56.340 i feel about everything what my perspective is and so thank you to the people that put me on their

00:04:02.000 shows raza over at uh he had a comedy club i think it got shut down though apparently

00:04:06.900 temporarily but um he let me go up on his comedy show a comedy club and where else oh of course

00:04:16.740 sunset strip so i went over to the sunset strip the second night i was here to say hi to red band

00:04:23.000 who i knew from um when i was here before as a vacationer tourist and he wanted to say what up

00:04:34.300 i wanted to say what up so i went to the green room we chatted said what up to anthony one of the

00:04:39.640 owners at the club who i knew uh when i went to skank fest as a tourist in houston a couple years ago

00:04:46.400 if you don't know lewis j gomez's comedy festival skank fest check it out and basically hooked back

00:04:54.560 up with them and got some spots did a spot on a friday um the friday before i did my mothership

00:05:01.920 showcase on the monday so that's how i got prepared for it and it was all new material pretty much all

00:05:07.400 worked except for actually the one joke that didn't work was actually old it was a joke from

00:05:11.000 that i was doing in toronto about jews that i don't even want to talk about jews no more because

00:05:16.120 there are no jews here it's texas um except they like brisket so there was definitely a jew here at 0.99

00:05:23.000 one point teaching people how to make stuff but um i don't know how texans would feel about that that

00:05:29.540 oh brisket you know that's jewish right but 0.99

00:05:33.640 yeah all the new stuff is is firing away so basically after my set i don't want to give too

00:05:44.680 much away we're going to do a patreon where we talk more about it but adam was like come back

00:05:49.080 in april and we'll get you on another showcase and then we'll get you to start calling in

00:05:53.960 to the mothership i was like this is sick when i told a couple people that they're like so you're past

00:05:58.040 your past and like leo cannot bring me up on stage as i'm passing the mothership which you know is low

00:06:04.840 key almost true but um that's that's that's what's going on with that so that was my first

00:06:13.320 four or five days here did a ton of comedy using my visa i'm very happy took years to get that visa so

00:06:22.680 i can be able to perform here and pursue my dream and pursue comedy here and that is what the

00:06:28.360 is going on so we're hanging out all that week it was south by southwest there was some parties there

00:06:35.080 was some you know like outdoor going on we didn't really go to much of that like we went to a couple

00:06:41.000 bars after you know mothership and just to kind of celebrate a bit and had a good time you know austin's

00:06:50.200 a different town than toronto it's you know all the ubers are white or mexican which is

00:06:57.720 i'm not used to that i'm used to exclusively indian and chinese people driving me around but so i'm

00:07:03.800 getting used to white people driving me around feels like i'm kid again getting driven by my parents

00:07:11.880 but the food here is good the grocery stores i mean if you've never been to texas you've never

00:07:18.280 been to heb is heb only texas but it's across all of texas right uh yeah so heb is i don't know if

00:07:27.960 you've been to other u.s grocery stores you've been to wagmans in new york you've been to publics in

00:07:33.720 florida what do they have in california trader joe's or something but here they got heb and heb is

00:07:42.200 pretty good i i have to be honest when i was here two years ago i think it was better i think it went

00:07:47.800 downhill a bit probably because everything's more expensive and all the you know the the ready-made 0.97

00:07:53.400 shit isn't as good as it was but that's specific that could be heb specific because some hebs you 0.96

00:08:00.600 go to and they have like a bigger ready-made area they got like the barbecue area 0.98

00:08:04.200 and i don't you know i'm shout out to jj who's helping me with this podcast jj not my jj my agent

00:08:12.760 jj my new podcast guy um who i'm staying with and nick speak of the devil there's nick right now

00:08:21.720 what's up bro and um and greg let me stay at their place let me do podcasts in the living room when they're 0.96

00:08:29.240 trying to make dinner and shit um so appreciate the fuck out of you guys what was i going to say 0.91

00:08:36.520 about that uh something about it food yeah so i'm living with my friends right now so i can't 0.99

00:08:45.960 enjoy the grocery store as much as i want to i just want to buy a bunch of

00:08:49.560 shit and put it in my freezer and just start making shit every day but that's not where we're at yet but 0.95

00:08:59.240 working out working out every day i officially got a gym membership about my first uh american gym 0.99

00:09:05.800 membership which i feel so i feel american even though it's on a canadian credit card

00:09:11.480 for now i'm getting all that shit dealt with soon i'm gonna have american bank account 0.87

00:09:17.400 american tour the tour starts on may 8th in boston and actually i just added something because i'm in

00:09:26.680 austin i got hooked up with uh an old colleague that i used to do commercial real estate with it's

00:09:34.360 actually embedded down here and she has a uh an app called nemo and she introduced me to these people

00:09:43.720 over at the sapien center and it's a private club where they have a gym and they have a big open area

00:09:50.920 where you can do whatever you want smoke cigarettes and hang out and drink and they do food nights and

00:09:57.400 it's really cool and so met those guys they they love my shit and we're doing a comedy show there april

00:10:03.400 20th so technically my first us show now is now april 20th it went from may 8th to april 20th in austin

00:10:10.760 texas may 8th is in boston and of course i'm coming back to canada before all this happens march 27th in edmonton

00:10:18.120 april 8th april 8th in halifax nova scotia april 10th in amherst i think nova scotia or new brunswick

00:10:27.400 frederickton new brunswick on the uh 11th of april and the 12th of april will be in sydney nova

00:10:34.920 scotia and then i'll be coming back to austin for my april 20th show so it's pretty exciting that the

00:10:41.800 you know the gym here is it's it's no jewish community center in downtown toronto i'll tell you

00:10:48.600 that but there are old jews or old jewish looking people so that's how i i can't work out unless

00:10:55.400 there's old jews and children screaming and swimming because that's what i'm used to thank you for

00:11:02.840 supporting the bank of show as you know i am a immigrant not a refugee legal baby i'm an alien of

00:11:09.000 extraordinary ability but i still need your help i need you to support the cause patreon patreon.com

00:11:14.840 slash ben bank is b-e-n-b-a-n-k-a-s you know what to do sign up right now it's five bucks a month it's

00:11:21.720 not a big deal you put it on the credit card and then you forget about it and you don't tell your

00:11:25.960 wife okay so just sign up today right now in toronto there's this huge crisis where people just keep

00:11:31.880 getting their cars stolen now i don't know anybody who's gotten their car stolen because i'm assuming that

00:11:35.800 all the people who are getting their cars stolen are poor and i don't know a lot of poor people

00:11:40.520 but the people who are getting their cars stolen they live in bad neighborhoods a lot of them are

00:11:45.560 immigrants and then the people stealing the cars are immigrants so really it's kind of a it's kind 0.97

00:11:51.320 of like a net zero it's kind of like the carbon neutral you know carbon neutral it's like well we

00:11:55.720 brought an immigrant here they bought a car it got stolen by an immigrant then we're sending the car back 1.00

00:12:00.280 to india i think it's net carbon zero i think it's actually good for the environment to have

00:12:07.640 these new immigrants having their cars stolen they can no longer do uber eats which means we're saving 1.00

00:12:13.480 a lot of uh litter there's a lot of less garbage out there because people can't order uber eats because

00:12:19.080 their uber eats driver's car was stolen by another guy who does uber eats so i'm actually in favor of the

00:12:25.720 car theft going on right now in toronto canada you don't see a lot of car theft here

00:12:33.320 although i could be blind and not know what i'm talking about but maybe in houston maybe in dallas

00:12:38.040 but in austin it feels like maybe there's less i don't know but maybe it's because people know that

00:12:43.800 other people have guns here so they're kind of afraid to just like i haven't heard a single horn beep

00:12:50.200 like in canada the road rage is out of control people beeping horns and saying 0.98

00:12:54.520 fuck you and part of the reason is because they know that nobody's going to get out of their car 0.99

00:12:57.720 and shoot them in the head but here if you beep your horn somebody might get out of their car and 1.00

00:13:02.600 shoot you in the head and so nobody does it and everybody's a little bit more polite so i think at 1.00

00:13:07.560 the end of the day that's why goods guns are good for society okay they make people more polite they make 0.98

00:13:16.200 them a little more right that the southern hospitality what that really means is just i don't know if you have

00:13:22.680 a gun so i'm going to be really nice to you and that's a good way to live that's a good that's a

00:13:28.280 that's a healthy way for a society to exist just in the constant fear of death i have a lot more

00:13:37.160 like i was at the gym and they have the the sign well they have a sign when you go in which basically

00:13:43.320 says no weapons allowed unless you're allowed to have weapons and then you can bring your weapons in

00:13:48.520 so it's like a big sign with a gun with a with a circle and a line through it as if it's like no

00:13:55.000 guns allowed but then it's like please you cannot bring an illegal firearm in here this does not apply

00:14:00.920 to those who have a legal firearms and then you see people walking around the gym just with their gym bag

00:14:07.480 because i don't know if they don't have a lock or may i was thinking i think they just have their gun

00:14:11.320 in their bag i think they're just walking around the gym with their gun in case something goes awry

00:14:17.240 and beside that once you're in that right beside the sauna actually at the gym they have the uh

00:14:24.440 what is it active shooter like what to do in the case of it so if you want to relax and have a nice

00:14:30.920 sauna first you have to read the the active shooter uh drill and then you go into the sauna

00:14:38.440 and i don't have my glasses on in the sauna so i'm just blind i'm like the number one target just a

00:14:44.040 fat jew in a sauna blind with flip-flops with toronto raptors flip-flops on 0.96

00:14:51.560 somebody gave me a dirty look actually because of the toronto raptors flip-flops and we're like wow 0.90

00:14:55.560 what the who's who the is a toronto raptor fan even drake's switching from the raptors

00:15:03.560 right he's he's moving to houston so okay we'll talk about that

00:15:08.040 so i had the privilege of getting some very good tickets floor seats to a drake concert in san antonio

00:15:19.080 texas one of the coolest experiences of my life uh went with greg and we sat or we didn't sit we stood

00:15:28.760 basically front row for drake and it was just absolutely insane to see him go off

00:15:34.040 and just see the fans and just see it was very for me it was you know you see those lines it's

00:15:38.760 like i went to see chris rock i've seen big artists and big venues and you just see the lines and you

00:15:44.200 see the excitement and it motivates you and it makes you feel like you're on the right track and you

00:15:51.480 if this guy can do it i can do it i mean that's the right attitude to have some people go how does he

00:15:55.720 do this i could never do this those are the people who aren't going to be successful in that kind of art

00:16:00.440 industry but i looked at that and i was like i could do this and it got me really excited it

00:16:06.440 was very refreshing and san antonio is a beautiful city actually it's a really cool city although it

00:16:13.320 took an hour to get an uber after the fucking after the game i want to say after the game but after the 0.97

00:16:21.960 concert it took over an hour to find my uber i'm surprised my uber didn't cancel on me it was like 0.77

00:16:28.120 from the moment of me getting an uber to getting in the uber was like 50 minutes of just walking on a

00:16:35.080 line of like just hundreds of cars lined up to take people home right so that was that was pretty much

00:16:44.520 the drake experience it was it was pretty cool greg's mind was blown his his little brother was very

00:16:52.360 jealous because his brother's a huge drake fan and um i'm sure i hope a lot of people were jealous

00:16:59.080 i hope anybody who saw it saw me at that concert is seething with jealousy because it was a super

00:17:08.840 cool experience that we got to have and then came back did another spot at uh sunset that was a killer

00:17:17.320 spot i think i did another i forget if i did two shows that night or that was the night that the

00:17:24.200 creek and cave i've been hanging out with the creek and cave too but i don't think they know me yet

00:17:29.480 so they're like no they're just like who's this random jewy looking open miker but uh they don't 0.76

00:17:37.880 know what it is yet but it's gonna happen i gotta i have a lot of things to do here i gotta find a barber

00:17:43.720 i gotta find a tattoo artist but at least i have the gym right so anyway we don't want to do a super

00:17:50.600 long episode with you guys first solo episode a while people were hating on my last episode with

00:17:57.720 armin they were just mad that armin was muslim or something but he's actually not muslim he's christian

00:18:02.520 arab which i don't know if you know that exists but that's like the non-9-11 arab so he's non-9-11

00:18:09.560 so shout out armin he's the man he wants me to bring him here and uh like i can get him like an i can

00:18:16.360 like extend my visa to him and like have him under my visa as my like official slave

00:18:24.440 it is funny because all the comics in toronto are like you're basically ben bank is a slave and now

00:18:28.040 he might actually for like he might pay three thousand dollars to get enslaved he might pay money

00:18:34.920 to a lawyer to have them draft a document where they're like you ben bankus owns you for three

00:18:40.920 years if you step inside the united states you're owned and property of ben bankus so i'm i honestly

00:18:48.440 might make him get property of ben bankus or property of bankus entertainment on his arm uh tatted

00:18:55.880 so for real that might happen um my family of course i might bring them too um no i'm probably gonna

00:19:03.000 bring my family it is scary it is scary though when but like what's scarier because toronto it's scary

00:19:10.120 like some random indian guy can just walk up to your family and like and like stab and whatever

00:19:17.640 and whereas here it's like i don't know people are afraid of something bad happening so it's like

00:19:21.800 maybe people are like watching out for a bit where in toronto nobody thinks anything bad is going to

00:19:25.880 happen but then it's like a somalian guy with an ak so the lesser of two evils what's up everybody it's 1.00

00:19:34.360 ben bank as i'm going on tour as you know i'm going to be in edmonton alberta march 27th halifax

00:19:41.720 april 8th amherst nova scotia april 10th fredericton new brunswick april 11th

00:19:50.280 sydney nova scotia april 12th austin texas april 20th boston massachusetts that sounds nice i like that

00:19:59.960 boston massachusetts may 8th okay go get your tickets and that's when the full

00:20:09.000 america takeover tour starts so it's boston uh detroit red bank new jersey portland maine

00:20:16.600 new york new york orlando tampa dania beach uh syracuse albany and then i think we are in

00:20:26.760 philadelphia somewhere in there as well so go get your tickets benbankus.com so as some of you know

00:20:33.240 i haven't been doing the human monkey hybrid videos because i think they're retarded and i just can't 0.99

00:20:39.240 do them anymore because they just piss me off um maybe i'll do one on patreon for you guys if you

00:20:44.520 if like you join and specifically message me for that maybe we'll do one but the one thing that was

00:20:50.600 is funny is people really want me to do the human monkey hybrid videos so they keep messaging me

00:20:57.800 random ideas that are like haven't done a human monkey in a while maybe the monkey's looking for

00:21:03.720 kate middleton and shit like that and but i'll read that and go that is kind of funny you know what i 0.62

00:21:11.160 mean like in my head it is funny to just do the monkey face and be like oh it's a k middleton oh where 0.96

00:21:16.920 the k middleton go oh i don't know i'm just a human monkey but i'm moving away from that folks

00:21:25.080 we're becoming more sophisticated here at the bank of show we are tackling bigger topics you know we're

00:21:30.840 trying to become regular at uh the comedy mothership joe rogan's comedy club we're we're trying to get in

00:21:38.760 here in the austin comedy scene some of the biggest comedy names in the world live here in austin

00:21:44.920 jane gillis matt mccusker tim dylan has a house joe rogan who else uh that's it there's four people

00:21:54.360 there's actually four people that live here uh ron white tony hinchcliffe red man i mean there's just

00:21:59.480 so many comics and people and and industry people that are moving here so this is the spot to be if

00:22:05.640 you're canadian you're watching this and you're like i want to leave the country i mean do it stop 0.99

00:22:09.720 being a figure it out actually no don't don't come to austin because nobody we are not wanted

00:22:14.680 here like as soon as you tell people you're canadian they're like you go back so i'm fighting that but

00:22:21.160 um this is what it is man thank you for supporting the bank is show we're gonna have another episode

00:22:26.840 on patreon sorry this episode was so quick and rushed this is what it is we're in a living room 0.94

00:22:33.480 there's a motherfucking knight in shining armor beside me my buddy's about to make a 0.94

00:22:39.400 really stinky really tasty meal um he's actually sitting down now he's like ready for me to just 0.99

00:22:46.920 entertain him he's like you know what i'm gonna take a break i wanna oh there's a podcast in my living

00:22:54.600 room this is quite entertaining but i'm trying to learn i'm trying to learn how to be american how do i be

00:23:00.840 american man get a gun get a gun i i felt you know how i felt american today leaving the gym

00:23:07.800 some guy didn't hold the door for me enough and then he he was like oh sorry and i was like it's

00:23:13.880 fine i was like i'm american being from toronto makes you a little bit more american than most 0.99

00:23:20.840 canadians like if you're from like rural fucking canada like you're fucked you'd be 1.00

00:23:25.000 fucked here you'd be like oh fuck sorry but like if you're just from toronto you're like no it's 1.00

00:23:30.520 fine so that was my american moment what's another american thing i did oh i went to lone star or not 0.99

00:23:36.040 lone star what is it longhorn longhorn steakhouse that is an american experience if you want to know

00:23:43.960 what it's really like to be american want to know what it's really like to be in debt 0.95

00:23:47.880 you go to fucking longhorn steakhouse everybody there is just in debt pretending that life's okay 0.97

00:23:55.160 with their big families and it's kind of nice though it's nice to see too much food you order 1.00

00:24:00.680 a fucking steak it's like 20 ounces it's like who's eating a 20 ounce steak unless you're you eat a 20 0.99

00:24:06.760 ounce steak two pounds of meat you're about to eat but you're not but you're thin 1.00

00:24:12.600 so and you worked out all day sometimes how how much do you work one of one of the guys here nick

00:24:21.640 is jacked but he's also like crippled because he like broke his arm from being too jacked

00:24:27.160 so he he could eat that longhorn but the longhorn for me was too much like actually we had to do

00:24:33.160 comedy after i was just ready to pass out after longhorn and the guy was like any apps i was like

00:24:38.760 what about the shrimp that looks good he said it was the most popular it was literally a boat

00:24:43.000 of shrimp it was like this long this is it was like a plate like that like almost like a sushi

00:24:48.840 plate but it was that long and it was just like deep it was like that deep and it was just all

00:24:53.800 deep fried shrimp it was incredible i want to go back next week i think you got to do something like

00:25:01.000 that like that's the one thing austin's missing if you live downtown you don't live in the suburbs

00:25:05.080 you're missing that real americana the real americana sorry real americana of lone star steakhouse of

00:25:15.560 we need to get to chick-fil-a before it closes like we gonna there's there's certain things that

00:25:21.000 you do in america that make you feel america go to a like a stadium go into the drake concert

00:25:28.120 that actually made me feel very canadian i was like he's from trono so am i but 0.71

00:25:36.840 april 20th if you're listening this you're in austin you're in the fucking austin texas area come 0.99

00:25:41.080 out april 20th you know what it is the bank is show always provides you with the entertainment you 0.80

00:25:46.600 need not too much because you don't want to be over entertained you might want to go watch something

00:25:51.000 else after this appreciate you guys good night

00:26:00.280 you

Bankas Podcast - March 21, 2024

7pm in Austin ｜ The Bankas Show - #049

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