Bankas Podcast - March 05, 2024


Mama's Meatballs ｜ The Bankas Show - #048


Episode Stats

Length

40 minutes

Words per Minute

166.5627

Word Count

6,675

Sentence Count

912


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
00:00:00.260 So today my camera guy brought me food from his 75-year-old mother, which, God bless her, thank you.
00:00:09.060 God bless her soul. What's your mom's name, Mike?
00:00:13.500 Doesn't matter, doesn't matter, doesn't matter. Don't tell him. Never mind.
00:00:19.640 Like, last week, this guy tells me he's too sick to come here to film.
00:00:23.440 Yeah.
00:00:23.960 I asked him why. He said because he ate his mom's food, and then he just brought it.
00:00:28.120 Yeah, we looked at it. It looks like it makes you sick.
00:00:31.100 Can you bring your mom's food in here?
00:00:33.440 Yeah, maybe, like, make a little platter for us.
00:00:39.560 They kind of, you know, set it up real nice.
00:00:45.420 I love how this guy came back in the room with no water.
00:00:48.180 What the fuck was that?
00:00:50.500 He, like, came, he thought he was on the show.
00:00:53.780 Yeah, our cameraman, also, his hair,
00:00:57.660 you said it looks like George Washington's hair.
00:00:59.980 Yeah, he went from Aquaman to George Washington.
00:01:02.360 Yeah, yeah, he's, um,
00:01:04.880 looks like a judge in the 1800s.
00:01:06.640 Oh, my God, this is hilarious.
00:01:07.960 Oh, here we go.
00:01:09.540 Oh, yeah.
00:01:10.220 That's how you know it's good.
00:01:11.500 So, you know, it's really good Italian food, traditional.
00:01:14.480 They always have nice mason jars.
00:01:17.120 You see that?
00:01:18.320 Hold on, wait, I want to open the sauce.
00:01:19.580 Is that sauce?
00:01:27.400 Oh, oh, I'm going to puke.
00:01:32.720 Thanks to our cameraman's mom, Chef Boyardee,
00:01:36.440 for bringing us this...
00:01:39.080 Made in a can.
00:01:42.380 Yeah.
00:01:43.620 Made in a sewer.
00:01:45.260 No, it actually does look pretty good, to be honest.
00:01:47.340 What are you guys talking about?
00:01:49.180 What is it supposed to look like?
00:01:51.240 Like, it's fucking red sauce?
00:01:54.060 And meatballs, and that's cutlets and sauce.
00:01:56.300 Hold on, I'll show them the...
00:01:58.660 I mean, I don't know,
00:01:59.760 the cutlets look a little discolored.
00:02:03.100 Looks like he's been sitting on a Loblaw shelf.
00:02:05.500 Yeah, it kind of...
00:02:06.340 It kind of looks like asbestos concrete.
00:02:09.380 Public shelf, H-E-B.
00:02:10.680 I'm excited for U.S. grocery stores.
00:02:14.640 You don't have to eat this anymore?
00:02:16.080 Yeah.
00:02:17.180 No, I'm going to eat it right now.
00:02:19.740 Eat it.
00:02:20.660 I have to take out my Zin Pod.
00:02:22.260 Okay, well, it's not worth it, then.
00:02:23.820 Yeah.
00:02:24.740 I'm going to eat it after, I promise.
00:02:26.300 No, I'm just fucking with you.
00:02:31.680 Bro.
00:02:32.800 Bro.
00:02:33.420 I know, it is funny.
00:02:34.360 My mom put that in a Cool Whip.
00:02:35.940 Where's the lid for that?
00:02:37.200 I don't know.
00:02:38.400 You brought it out here with no lid, bro.
00:02:40.120 No, I didn't.
00:02:41.040 It's here.
00:02:42.280 This guy's getting so Italian all of a sudden.
00:02:44.640 Do you even cook?
00:02:45.600 You don't cook.
00:02:48.160 I fucking cook.
00:02:49.000 No, you don't.
00:02:49.900 Of course I do.
00:02:50.660 You cook?
00:02:51.160 What do you cook?
00:02:51.800 I've been living alone for like 12 years.
00:02:53.920 20 years.
00:02:56.880 This guy's been living alone since the War of 1812.
00:03:00.060 Yeah, this guy's been living alone since the Revolutionary War.
00:03:02.940 Yeah, it's not funny because they can't see his hair, but...
00:03:05.240 No, we're going to superimpose a photo of your hair at Profile so that they see you.
00:03:09.180 Here, I'm going to take a picture of what you look like, just so I can put you on the
00:03:12.180 screen.
00:03:12.540 Look towards the bathroom.
00:03:13.280 No, look towards me.
00:03:14.060 Yes.
00:03:14.800 And look towards me now?
00:03:16.140 Yes.
00:03:16.540 Okay, that'll be...
00:03:20.340 People know what you look like now.
00:03:21.840 George Washington wearing Amiri.
00:03:24.300 He's wearing fake Amiri.
00:03:25.800 Oh, why'd you go to expose him like, that's fucked up.
00:03:28.420 Look, I'll shit on the guy's mom's cooking.
00:03:30.360 You don't tell him brand's fake, bro.
00:03:32.420 He told me it was fake.
00:03:33.160 Yeah, but in confidence.
00:03:35.580 He said it was like a bootleg.
00:03:37.540 Yeah, yeah.
00:03:38.360 A bootleg.
00:03:38.840 To be fair, he did buy a bootleg.
00:03:41.160 Fugazi?
00:03:41.300 That's what it's called?
00:03:42.040 Fugazi.
00:03:42.860 Fugazi?
00:03:43.340 That means fake?
00:03:43.960 That's all the Italian this guy knows is from Donnie Brasco.
00:03:49.700 All right, guys.
00:03:52.360 The most...
00:03:53.240 This guy called me a mungie cake.
00:03:55.620 Bro, I'm more Italian than you.
00:03:56.920 You're like a mungie shawarma.
00:03:59.780 That's solid.
00:04:01.040 That's a good one.
00:04:04.680 Mungie shawarma.
00:04:06.020 Now, what's that other shit?
00:04:07.060 Mungie baklava?
00:04:08.600 That's Greek.
00:04:09.980 Is it?
00:04:10.580 It's Greek and Turkish.
00:04:12.520 That's what they fight over.
00:04:13.380 They fight over that.
00:04:15.520 If you say to a Greek person...
00:04:16.820 If you go to Alibaba, they got a baklava.
00:04:18.640 Yeah.
00:04:19.400 Is it baklava and then there's baklava?
00:04:21.800 Oh, shut up.
00:04:22.340 No, baklava is the scary mask they wear.
00:04:24.280 No, no.
00:04:24.480 That's a balaclava.
00:04:25.380 That's a balaclava.
00:04:27.540 Yo, I've been ordering the wrong thing.
00:04:29.200 Yo, I got a balaclava from this shawarma place.
00:04:31.500 I keep trying to order masks.
00:04:32.340 I think they want me to do a fucking ISIS movie.
00:04:34.220 Trying to order masks.
00:04:35.240 They keep sending me cake.
00:04:36.100 It's kind of funny if a shawarma shop sent you a balaclava and said baklava.
00:04:43.360 I'd be happy.
00:04:44.360 I'd be like...
00:04:44.720 Just sends you a fucking...
00:04:45.760 They're like, here.
00:04:46.340 This is authentic.
00:04:46.800 Your mission is to go to Sienthal.
00:04:49.080 This is a woman.
00:04:49.840 Cut her head off.
00:04:53.700 Anyway, this is the final episode with Armin.
00:04:57.520 We're terminating him after this episode as my friend.
00:05:02.460 Fuck off.
00:05:04.840 No, I might have to...
00:05:05.700 He might have to fork over three grand so I can slave him around the US.
00:05:09.340 Yeah, it's pretty fucked up.
00:05:10.600 I have to literally sign my name into the bank.
00:05:13.320 It's kind of funny that you're going to...
00:05:16.000 On a vacation right now that...
00:05:18.360 Like, Armin's going to Spain to be 25, even though he's 26 now.
00:05:24.140 I'm 25.
00:05:25.020 Oh, you're 25 still?
00:05:26.140 This is good.
00:05:26.780 This is good for you.
00:05:27.520 You're going to Spain.
00:05:29.580 You're going to have sex, hopefully.
00:05:32.020 Yeah.
00:05:32.880 You're going to...
00:05:33.840 It's going to suck.
00:05:37.400 Yeah?
00:05:38.040 No, no.
00:05:38.700 You're going to have a good time.
00:05:39.620 But it is funny that you're spending the equivalent of what you could have spent to pursue your
00:05:43.580 career to go on your first vacation.
00:05:45.480 Yeah.
00:05:46.420 I mean, it's not even that much.
00:05:47.760 Yo, I haven't really done anything, but I'm tired.
00:05:50.380 I need a rest.
00:05:52.140 I posted like eight clips this year.
00:05:54.000 Yeah.
00:05:54.280 It's a big year for me.
00:05:55.280 It's the most clips you've ever posted.
00:05:57.860 It's a pretty good clip, though.
00:05:59.000 Yeah?
00:05:59.960 What are you at?
00:06:00.520 What's your following now?
00:06:01.600 I'm almost 1700.
00:06:02.840 Pull it up on the screen, Anunziata.
00:06:04.420 I checked it recently.
00:06:05.840 No, I think it was up to almost 2K.
00:06:07.680 I meant in post.
00:06:10.540 He just pulls his phone in front of him.
00:06:12.380 Put it up on the phone.
00:06:14.280 Yeah.
00:06:14.700 What does it say?
00:06:17.400 Do you have 2K?
00:06:18.020 Oh, it went up.
00:06:24.380 1,670 people.
00:06:25.140 He's got some clips that are about 20K, man.
00:06:29.780 Crazy.
00:06:30.820 It's going to be huge.
00:06:31.560 Fired up.
00:06:32.760 It's going to be huge.
00:06:33.160 Fired up.
00:06:33.700 Wait until I'm making content in Spain.
00:06:35.600 Doing travel blogs.
00:06:37.400 It's over, bro.
00:06:38.440 Just you hungover and being like, yo, bro, I have no money.
00:06:40.980 My cards aren't working.
00:06:42.160 Pretty good content.
00:06:43.000 I feel like that would actually go viral.
00:06:44.440 Just, yo, I'm hungover in Spain.
00:06:45.660 My phone bill.
00:06:48.520 Shee, boy.
00:06:49.760 Yeah.
00:06:50.340 No, it's going to be sick when I come back and max out a credit card to come to the States.
00:06:54.860 We're just going to put, like, 200 bucks in a TD Bank account.
00:06:59.840 It's going to be funny when I go to the States and meet a new friend.
00:07:03.300 Yeah.
00:07:05.680 This is a great pod, bro.
00:07:07.040 Yo, save your three grand.
00:07:09.820 Put it in a biggie bank.
00:07:12.580 No, that'd be awful.
00:07:15.040 That'd be really mean.
00:07:17.700 Yeah, I want to go to Texas.
00:07:21.060 You just want to go to grocery stores, really.
00:07:23.280 Yeah.
00:07:23.740 That's all he's talked about with the States.
00:07:25.580 It's just like, bro, the grocery stores?
00:07:27.600 Like, that's it.
00:07:33.120 They got that.
00:07:34.420 Ready, mate.
00:07:35.120 Yo, thanks, Trudeau.
00:07:36.420 Show that.
00:07:37.660 Yo, food's so expensive, I had to get my Italian friend's mom to make me a fucking meal.
00:07:42.640 Elderly woman.
00:07:43.360 The inflation crisis of food is disturbing.
00:07:49.580 Yeah.
00:07:50.460 The show is 100% sponsored by me.
00:07:53.940 You can support me at patreon.com slash benbankus, or you can go buy tickets to some of my upcoming
00:08:01.700 shows, benbankus.com.
00:08:03.720 No, it's not.
00:08:05.320 Okay.
00:08:05.760 All the people who are, like, posting these videos of what they bought at Walmart, they're
00:08:10.860 like, can you believe this is $300?
00:08:12.380 It's like, you bought fat people food.
00:08:15.640 That's true.
00:08:16.060 Yeah, I know, right?
00:08:16.820 You bought, like, McCain's fries.
00:08:18.100 Yeah, literally.
00:08:18.980 It's all, like, Jane's chicken strips.
00:08:20.960 They were frozen, like, six years ago, and you're just like, whoa, why's that 30 bucks?
00:08:25.100 How am I supposed to feed my family?
00:08:26.280 It's like, how about make a friggin' fresh meal and a salad, and it'll be, like, $30, you
00:08:32.160 fucking fat pig.
00:08:34.680 Yeah.
00:08:35.000 Hey, you tell them, bro.
00:08:37.920 Hey, I'm losing weight.
00:08:39.200 Look how thin I look.
00:08:40.120 No.
00:08:40.680 Do I look thin?
00:08:41.620 You look thin.
00:08:42.260 I look thinner.
00:08:43.100 You're wearing a bigger sweater.
00:08:44.520 No, it's smaller.
00:08:46.360 It's Amiri.
00:08:48.660 It's Amiri Jordan.
00:08:54.320 Yeah, anybody who complains about food being too expensive is, I think they just buy the
00:08:59.200 wrong shit.
00:09:00.080 Yeah?
00:09:00.720 What should they be buying?
00:09:02.520 Like, vegetables.
00:09:05.480 Meat.
00:09:07.720 Milk.
00:09:08.620 Eggs.
00:09:09.420 I mean, like, they're out there being like, how come Doritos are seven?
00:09:13.420 Like, why are you buying Doritos?
00:09:15.620 Doritos is, like, the same thing as taking a vaccine.
00:09:18.140 Like, eating a bag of Doritos is, like, taking a fucking...
00:09:20.420 Well, you're really vaccinated then, eh?
00:09:22.920 Yeah.
00:09:27.400 Yo, I got, like, eight doses of Doritos.
00:09:29.440 This guy takes a dose a day.
00:09:32.720 Keep the duck through it.
00:09:35.000 But no, I know what you mean.
00:09:36.100 Yeah.
00:09:36.260 They always buy the worst shit.
00:09:38.280 They always buy ice cream and shit.
00:09:39.880 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:09:40.220 Just some woman.
00:09:41.040 Like, all these videos, there's, like, a woman crying, and she's just like, girl, I've been
00:09:45.420 working 40 hours a week, and all I can't afford is fucking McDonald's, and I can barely
00:09:50.400 pay my rent.
00:09:50.940 It's like, yeah, you're a woman, and you didn't find a man.
00:09:54.500 It's over.
00:09:55.680 It's done.
00:09:57.040 You're just...
00:09:57.300 Like, it'll be, like, a semi-good-looking woman, like, crying.
00:10:00.520 Be like, I can't afford groceries.
00:10:02.240 It's like, yeah, because you were annoying, and then nobody wanted to pay for you.
00:10:05.240 Maybe that's how they're trying to find a man, though.
00:10:06.940 They're like, yo, what if I just, like, throw it out there?
00:10:09.180 Cry on Facebook?
00:10:09.640 Yeah.
00:10:09.900 And some dude's just jerking off, like, oh, I'll take that one.
00:10:13.340 Want to go to Kelsey's?
00:10:14.360 Yeah, straight up.
00:10:15.680 What if you DM that crying bitch?
00:10:17.400 You're like, yo, I'll buy you some fucking eggs.
00:10:19.240 The sad part is she probably has a boyfriend that's just...
00:10:21.840 Yeah, it's just broke.
00:10:23.660 She's at home, like, playing video games.
00:10:25.580 Like, what?
00:10:26.180 Why'd you make that video?
00:10:27.300 You're viral now for fucking saying we're poor.
00:10:30.900 All my friends think you're a fucking bitch.
00:10:33.500 I just want to play video games.
00:10:35.120 I'm going to move home with my mom.
00:10:39.140 That's every guy's threat.
00:10:40.880 I'm going to move home with my mom.
00:10:41.800 I can't remember.
00:10:42.360 Is that their threat?
00:10:43.580 What guy's threat?
00:10:44.340 That would be your threat if you were, like, in a relationship with a girl living in a place.
00:10:48.480 Yo, I'm going back to my mom's.
00:10:50.320 Oh, fuck you.
00:10:51.440 I'm going to go live with my mom again.
00:10:53.700 That's what Enonsiata does every weekend.
00:10:55.660 He just goes home and goes, Mama Mia.
00:10:57.760 Mom, make me a meatball.
00:11:00.600 I want to take it to us.
00:11:04.140 Why are you, like, stroking your hair now?
00:11:11.420 I'm going to have to take another fucking picture.
00:11:13.760 Do what you were just doing.
00:11:15.000 Oh, this guy's got a lot of split ends.
00:11:18.480 Split ends, yeah.
00:11:19.360 Jesus.
00:11:21.040 How about get a haircut?
00:11:22.100 You look like a fucking animal.
00:11:24.520 I look like out of shape Fabio.
00:11:28.440 You look like bad Fabio.
00:11:30.560 You look like Flubbio.
00:11:33.460 Hey, what is Flubber?
00:11:35.120 Flubbio.
00:11:39.200 Flubbio.
00:11:41.360 Yo, were you in a movie with Robin Williams?
00:11:43.120 Yo, that's my alcoholic.
00:11:44.220 He films my shows.
00:11:48.520 He has like eight beers.
00:11:49.000 Why'd you pour him a drink and now you're calling him an alcoholic?
00:11:51.960 I know.
00:11:52.700 You're such a piece.
00:11:54.100 You're the worst employer known to man.
00:11:56.900 Have a drink.
00:11:57.620 Oh, you're crazy.
00:11:58.440 You're having booze.
00:11:59.920 Yeah, show the gift he gave you again.
00:12:02.360 Look at this shit.
00:12:03.600 Oh, I thought it was Cool Whip.
00:12:05.200 But fuck.
00:12:05.920 I hate that.
00:12:08.220 As a kid, I hated that.
00:12:09.360 My parents did that.
00:12:10.320 They put like whatever, just random shit in these containers and I'd be like, what the
00:12:16.060 fuck, grandma?
00:12:17.880 And what was it?
00:12:18.600 What was in there?
00:12:19.380 Just like.
00:12:20.080 Babushkas?
00:12:21.040 Yeah, like a soup.
00:12:22.260 Like put soup in a Cool Whip container.
00:12:24.220 It's like, you can't do that.
00:12:25.380 That's fucking criminal.
00:12:27.060 Buy some containers.
00:12:28.260 Buy your goddamn mother some containers for God's sake.
00:12:30.660 That's all she wants for Christmas.
00:12:32.520 She's crying out for help, putting fucking soups and fucking Cool Whips.
00:12:36.660 And you're just like, thanks, ma.
00:12:38.340 You should be showing up with a bunch of Ziploc.
00:12:41.140 Ziploc bags.
00:12:43.920 Put it over her head.
00:12:46.860 A glad bag of your mother's head.
00:12:48.860 Just end the suffering.
00:12:50.800 Just take her out of fucking misery.
00:12:52.460 Look at these cutlets that dry.
00:12:54.680 The fucking cutlets are dry.
00:12:56.540 Put it down.
00:12:58.100 That's when Italians put their moms and seniors home.
00:13:00.340 That's when the cooking is bad.
00:13:02.520 Oh, what the hell is this meatball?
00:13:04.080 There's too many fucking.
00:13:05.300 Shallots.
00:13:06.260 Shallots ain't garlic.
00:13:07.200 What, you fucking stupid?
00:13:10.280 No, please.
00:13:10.980 We're getting good content out of this.
00:13:13.240 No, but back to the Cool Whip thing.
00:13:15.080 Yeah, that's a thing.
00:13:16.120 Like, I have a weird thing now where I only want good Tupperware.
00:13:20.880 Yeah?
00:13:21.280 The glass.
00:13:21.880 Because, like, as a kid, that was just too scarring.
00:13:26.500 Just fucking soup in a, in a, like a, Basel container.
00:13:32.880 Yeah, you just want Tupperware.
00:13:34.580 Margarine container?
00:13:35.380 Oh, the worst.
00:13:35.940 You just want nice Tupperware, eh?
00:13:37.500 That's when you know you made it.
00:13:39.060 I like nice Tupperware.
00:13:39.860 Because, honestly, I don't even think anything should be put, like, I don't think anything
00:13:43.220 should be saved.
00:13:44.260 Like, I don't really, like, unless it's, like, unless it's expensive.
00:13:49.980 Like, you go out at the keg or you go to somewhere and you have, like, save a little bit of food.
00:13:54.480 Yeah.
00:13:55.580 But if you're just baking, like, pasta and saving it for, like, two, like, that's just
00:13:59.420 bad.
00:14:00.020 Just throw it out.
00:14:01.300 Not pat, like, that was a dig at your mom.
00:14:06.240 That was a dig at all Italian people.
00:14:09.300 Oh, if you're made.
00:14:10.540 No, Italian people don't, no.
00:14:11.460 If I was Italian, that's different, because they actually make good pasta.
00:14:14.400 So you have beef with leftovers?
00:14:16.140 I'm just, yeah, like, people who, like, save hamburger, help her in, like, a fucking.
00:14:21.660 Yeah, that's bullshit.
00:14:23.200 Yeah, that's some bullshit.
00:14:24.380 Yeah.
00:14:25.240 Yeah.
00:14:26.020 Just throw the fucking food at the camera.
00:14:29.400 Just pour it in.
00:14:30.180 That's a good soft food.
00:14:31.140 Dude, I'm going to eat all of this food and be like, this is great, and then call you the
00:14:34.200 next day and be like, oh, my God, I have diarrhea.
00:14:36.920 I feel sick.
00:14:37.820 Your mom undercooked everything because she's 80.
00:14:39.880 Jesus.
00:14:41.620 This guy's online going, Joe Biden's an idiot.
00:14:44.020 Mom, do my taxes.
00:14:46.720 Mom, do my taxes.
00:14:48.740 Does your mom do your taxes, Mike?
00:14:50.800 No.
00:14:51.380 No.
00:14:51.560 Mom, make me a meatball.
00:14:57.820 Mom, I want a meatball sub from Subway.
00:15:01.500 Mom, you know meatball subs from Subway?
00:15:03.200 Can you make that?
00:15:04.280 Cool.
00:15:04.660 Coming home this weekend.
00:15:05.580 Mom, you making a cold good combo?
00:15:06.860 Honestly, that could be a mean sandwich if you just put all this shit.
00:15:11.520 Like, you know those videos where the guys have those mega wide set?
00:15:14.180 The mega sandwiches?
00:15:14.980 Yeah, and they just put, like, every fucking, like, it's just retarded.
00:15:20.020 Then it takes them, like, five hours to make it.
00:15:22.840 They, like, fucking deep fry.
00:15:25.020 They do all this shit to it, and then they just take, like, one bite.
00:15:27.300 Yeah.
00:15:27.900 And then it's just like, yeah.
00:15:29.280 You couldn't even, yeah, you can't even eat that.
00:15:31.260 Like, you could feed, like, a fucking football team.
00:15:34.820 You could feed one Ben Bankers.
00:15:38.460 Could feed me one meal.
00:15:39.960 Oh, yeah, if you were on that video, you would eat the whole thing.
00:15:44.460 It's like, look at all the wasted food.
00:15:49.440 Take a bite, bro.
00:15:50.460 You know what I mean?
00:15:52.900 Eat the sausage.
00:15:53.480 I want to eat the sausage.
00:15:54.520 Eat the sausage.
00:15:55.600 Really?
00:15:55.880 I got a fucking zen in.
00:15:57.240 Hey, guys, it's me, Ben Bankers, and I am going on tour, not only to the USA,
00:16:02.040 but we are finishing up touring Canada until the fall, and you got to go get tickets.
00:16:07.240 Come see me live in Edmonton, March 27th, Halifax, April 8th, Amherst, Nova Scotia,
00:16:13.640 April 10th, Fredericton, New Brunswick, April 11th, Sydney, Nova Scotia, April 11th, 12th.
00:16:20.780 12th.
00:16:21.540 12th.
00:16:24.640 Wow, these zins are good.
00:16:28.280 Yeah, these are the new, this would be a good sponsor, actually.
00:16:31.280 Zonic?
00:16:31.980 Yeah.
00:16:32.380 Yeah.
00:16:33.180 Zonic.
00:16:33.620 Zonic, this is like the Canadian zin pod.
00:16:36.900 Well, it's actually from Sweden.
00:16:38.220 Is it?
00:16:38.660 Zonic?
00:16:39.080 Yeah.
00:16:39.680 You never read the package?
00:16:40.680 No.
00:16:41.360 So they have these in the States, then, too?
00:16:44.180 Probably, yeah.
00:16:44.780 Maybe it's competing with zin.
00:16:46.620 Probably.
00:16:47.740 Originally from Sweden, it says.
00:16:49.540 Oh, so maybe it is from Canada.
00:16:51.640 Where is it actually from?
00:16:54.080 Mississauga.
00:16:57.220 How to use zonic?
00:16:58.800 Use one pouch at a time.
00:17:00.440 Put it up your ass.
00:17:01.400 For up to an hour.
00:17:03.960 Harmful of swallowed.
00:17:05.640 Oh, I've just been swallowing this.
00:17:07.680 Not.
00:17:08.320 Oh.
00:17:08.520 If you swallow the whole fucking thing.
00:17:09.540 Oh.
00:17:10.420 I've just been eating them.
00:17:13.780 Oh, that's pretty good.
00:17:14.860 Oh, I break it open, I fucking rail it.
00:17:18.200 Is that bloat?
00:17:19.000 No, it's not.
00:17:19.500 Oh, shove it up my ass.
00:17:20.720 Oh, that's a zin pod.
00:17:22.460 What if you put these in a girl's pussy?
00:17:23.940 She'd go crazy.
00:17:26.540 She'd probably get infected and die.
00:17:29.260 That's what I said.
00:17:29.960 Well, there's like, you want to use a tampon or you want to use a zin?
00:17:34.320 Zin pod.
00:17:35.520 Zin pod would be funny.
00:17:36.460 Zin pod is a good sketch.
00:17:37.900 Zin tampons.
00:17:39.360 Every sketch.
00:17:40.220 I just do one sketch every three months.
00:17:41.980 It's always about tampons.
00:17:43.720 I think you're, what is he trying to tell us?
00:17:45.600 I was watching this awful, like, I, I, like, Netflix knows how lazy you are now, so if
00:17:55.720 you're just watching Netflix and then you're on the couch and whatever you chose ends, they
00:18:01.440 just show you a random, like, movie.
00:18:03.500 Yeah.
00:18:03.980 And if you're just, like, me, I can never find the fucking controller for my TV.
00:18:08.580 I can never find anything.
00:18:10.160 The PS5 controller's not charged.
00:18:12.640 I'm lying there.
00:18:13.540 I'm fat.
00:18:14.120 I just ate a shawarma lying down vertically.
00:18:17.460 I'm not getting up to fucking change it, so I just, we watched a whole fucking movie
00:18:21.480 that was just because I was fat.
00:18:23.860 My 600-son life.
00:18:25.420 No, it's this, it's this movie about this woman who works at this company and she, like,
00:18:29.520 fucks the guy.
00:18:31.020 It was just, like, some woman movie, but it was just, she, at one point, she, she, like,
00:18:36.860 the guy, like, something falls out of her pocket.
00:18:39.740 He's like, what's this, a shot glass?
00:18:41.320 And she's like, oh, no, that's my zippy cup, or, like, my diva cup.
00:18:45.740 Oh.
00:18:46.280 And, like, she's like, tampons are bad for the environment.
00:18:49.120 Like, there's so much weird stuff in movies now where they just randomly say shit like
00:18:52.980 that.
00:18:53.540 Tampons are weird for the environment.
00:18:55.780 And you're like, oh, I thought this was mission impossible.
00:18:59.660 Take it out.
00:19:00.380 Are you wearing a diva cup?
00:19:03.700 Have you ever had to take a girl's tampon out?
00:19:06.080 No.
00:19:07.800 What the fuck?
00:19:10.800 Yeah, like, what?
00:19:11.980 Like, defuse the bomb?
00:19:14.080 Was it fucking an episode of 24?
00:19:16.660 Oh, Jack Bauer.
00:19:18.620 Take this tampon out.
00:19:19.460 No, you wanted to fuck her, and you're like, oh, that's in there.
00:19:22.160 No, she'll usually, she'll be like, oh, I'm on my period, and I'll be like, oh, take care
00:19:25.760 of that and come back.
00:19:27.060 I'm not me.
00:19:27.820 I'm not, like, oh, this is the best part.
00:19:33.180 Fuck.
00:19:35.060 Fuck.
00:19:36.860 Have you done that?
00:19:38.760 Hell yeah.
00:19:39.680 Ew.
00:19:40.700 What?
00:19:41.400 Fucking gross.
00:19:43.000 Wasn't, this guy's gay.
00:19:45.120 Yeah, that's gay.
00:19:45.920 Yeah, you take a girl's tampon out?
00:19:48.360 Like, at a certain point, you just.
00:19:51.200 Like, how long have you been with the girl?
00:19:52.860 It was a first date?
00:19:56.080 Yeah.
00:19:56.520 Just got to know you?
00:19:57.520 Oh.
00:19:57.780 What was that?
00:19:58.320 What was this do?
00:19:59.240 Oh, let me check your oil.
00:20:02.680 You just see it hanging out.
00:20:04.320 Oh, take it to Midas.
00:20:05.860 What the fuck?
00:20:07.980 Oh, baby, you gotta go to Jiffy Loop.
00:20:10.440 Ew, what the fuck is wrong with you?
00:20:12.200 No.
00:20:13.500 Never.
00:20:13.900 I've fucked girls on their period, but I've never taken the tampon out.
00:20:17.140 Once this girl had her tampon, like, get stuck in her vagina or something.
00:20:22.860 Or, like, I fucked her, and, like, it was, she was like, oh, no, it was in.
00:20:25.840 Bro, how small is your dick?
00:20:27.240 I got through that.
00:20:29.360 The fuck?
00:20:30.200 You fucked her with the tampon in, bro?
00:20:33.400 What the fuck?
00:20:35.460 This guy's like.
00:20:41.400 That's the end of the episode.
00:20:43.760 Oh, and that's why Ahmed's not coming to the U.S.
00:20:45.840 I don't think it, I, honestly, I think that anybody could.
00:20:49.440 You just smushed it in, right?
00:20:50.960 I think it was more, like, the opposite.
00:20:53.680 Was she a big poos?
00:20:54.980 Yeah, or something.
00:20:56.280 Her, the tampon was just in there like a Zin pot in your mouth.
00:21:00.380 You know, push it to the side.
00:21:04.280 Well, they get used to it, I imagine.
00:21:05.780 How do you forget something's in your vagina?
00:21:08.840 That's what, that's what every girl does when you fucked them.
00:21:11.380 Oh, thanks for filming this one.
00:21:17.080 Thanks for your mom's cooking.
00:21:18.860 This guy's mom's food.
00:21:19.920 They're like, you, every girl that you ever fucked, I don't forget about that.
00:21:25.760 Had to have sex with the first president of the United States.
00:21:28.940 Gross topic.
00:21:29.960 No, it's not.
00:21:30.860 But I mean, kind of.
00:21:31.760 So, yeah, you had to fish the tampon out of her.
00:21:33.760 Yeah, she was like, oh, my God, it's stuck in there.
00:21:36.240 I can't get it out.
00:21:37.300 Yeah, she would have gotten toxo, whatever.
00:21:39.040 So I had to put on, like, the glove from Jurassic Park when they look in the poop.
00:21:44.340 That's a, it's a big pile of shit.
00:21:46.420 Yeah.
00:21:48.860 Got it.
00:21:49.440 Put your whole hand in her pussy.
00:21:51.380 To like here.
00:21:52.400 Whoa.
00:21:53.240 I'm just kidding.
00:21:54.000 I'm just kidding.
00:21:54.740 I'm kidding.
00:21:55.360 I'm kidding.
00:21:56.420 Imagine.
00:21:57.020 Let me find it.
00:21:58.520 Just fist in.
00:21:58.980 What is that?
00:22:01.060 Pull out of your.
00:22:01.540 That is your heart.
00:22:03.320 Ripped out your spine.
00:22:06.000 I'm Ripper's.
00:22:07.560 Fatality.
00:22:09.040 Yeah, that's crazy, though.
00:22:11.620 No, it was like, yeah, it was like all tucked up in the side or whatever.
00:22:14.420 It's like the ultimate claw game.
00:22:15.800 The arcade.
00:22:17.620 You should see this guy's pussy game.
00:22:19.480 You found a tumb on in there.
00:22:22.220 That's nuts.
00:22:22.900 What did you guys do after?
00:22:23.920 Did you just never talk again?
00:22:26.820 Had a kid?
00:22:28.760 No, I was like in the fuck house.
00:22:30.200 High school.
00:22:36.280 That's young.
00:22:37.920 I had to go through that.
00:22:40.060 Or it made me gay.
00:22:41.880 That was like my third vagina.
00:22:44.580 Yeah.
00:22:45.320 The same girl like cut my dick once by accident with her mouth.
00:22:48.680 Ooh.
00:22:50.240 Before or after this incident?
00:22:51.640 Uh, I don't remember.
00:22:55.260 It's traumatic.
00:22:56.420 Yeah.
00:22:56.760 It's because he had traumatic things happen to his penis.
00:23:00.400 It's because of the worst luck.
00:23:05.360 I had to, I remember I was just like so, I was like my dick.
00:23:09.140 I was like.
00:23:09.740 Is it bleeding?
00:23:10.280 It's not hard.
00:23:11.020 Yeah.
00:23:11.440 Anymore.
00:23:11.940 And then I was just bleeding.
00:23:13.680 Look bad.
00:23:14.560 And then I ran into my mom's room.
00:23:18.200 That's why she got dementia to forget this.
00:23:20.540 I was like, forget that shit.
00:23:26.720 Quick, get Mike and Nunziata's grab on here.
00:23:29.060 Maybe pour this into a yogurt cup or sauce.
00:23:35.300 That's what the sausage is.
00:23:36.800 I'm going to piss my pants.
00:23:41.160 Oh, shit.
00:23:42.280 Yeah.
00:23:42.600 Yeah, it was, it was scary.
00:23:45.100 That is, I've cut my dick before.
00:23:46.920 It is scary.
00:23:47.620 Put like news.
00:23:47.960 You don't have sex for like.
00:23:50.240 I mean, I still kind of figure it out.
00:23:52.040 It was my, when I did it.
00:23:53.120 Ow, ow.
00:23:53.600 It was like at the base.
00:23:54.660 I just didn't use like that part.
00:23:57.160 Oh, you got, that's a little different.
00:23:58.600 Yeah.
00:23:58.760 Yeah.
00:23:59.120 Like yours was probably like what?
00:24:00.540 At the tip?
00:24:02.160 Slice it right open.
00:24:03.300 Ooh.
00:24:03.520 Right off the whole head.
00:24:04.780 Whoa.
00:24:05.560 I have no head.
00:24:06.460 No, I just can't imagine.
00:24:07.700 Yeah, I can.
00:24:08.540 This guy's got like Weinstein penis in that jar.
00:24:18.660 Cool whip Weinstein.
00:24:20.480 Cool Weinstein.
00:24:21.240 We can't post any of this.
00:24:22.500 Why not?
00:24:24.160 This is good content.
00:24:25.900 I know.
00:24:26.060 My U.S. tour starts May 8th in Boston, everybody.
00:24:30.040 Go get tickets.
00:24:30.960 May 8th in Boston.
00:24:32.220 Detroit, May 9th.
00:24:33.760 Red Bank, New Jersey, May 10th.
00:24:35.600 Portland, Maine, May 11th.
00:24:37.380 New York City, May 12th.
00:24:38.800 Orlando, May 14th.
00:24:40.340 Tampa, May 15th.
00:24:42.020 Dania Beach, Florida, May 16th.
00:24:43.880 Syracuse, New York, May 19th.
00:24:46.020 Philadelphia, May 20th.
00:24:47.740 Buffalo, May 21st.
00:24:49.560 Albany, New York, May 23rd.
00:24:51.760 More dates are being added right now along the West Coast,
00:24:54.960 as well as in the middle of the states, Chicago, et cetera.
00:24:58.640 So go get your tickets now.
00:25:01.060 BenBankist.com.
00:25:02.320 And we're back.
00:25:03.140 It's the Bankist Show.
00:25:04.100 The best show.
00:25:05.940 The best show that you're going to watch in the time that it takes you to watch.
00:25:10.240 Are you Chinese?
00:25:11.460 Do you rock a tiny people?
00:25:17.960 Why are you making your teeth look like it's so Chinese?
00:25:22.960 Chinese.
00:25:23.560 I don't know how to describe it.
00:25:25.380 It's a Chinese face.
00:25:32.560 My mom used to do that.
00:25:36.160 When there was a kid in my class named Howard Dong.
00:25:39.220 And she'd go,
00:25:39.940 Oh, Howard Dong.
00:25:44.240 Oh, Howard Dong.
00:25:45.680 In business class.
00:25:49.800 Like a 37-year-old.
00:25:52.000 He was 14.
00:25:55.080 Oh, my name is Howard Dong.
00:25:57.260 Because he would have to say,
00:25:58.480 like you'd go around the class on the first day.
00:26:00.560 Oh, yeah, yeah.
00:26:01.000 What's he doing there?
00:26:01.620 Howard Dong.
00:26:03.420 That guy's probably a fucking billionaire.
00:26:06.160 Yeah, he's straight up worth.
00:26:07.580 He's probably driving a McLaren right now, dude.
00:26:09.760 I'm just like,
00:26:10.860 We only need 10 more minutes of the podcast.
00:26:12.800 Do the Chinese accent.
00:26:14.720 It kind of just sounds like a retarded Chinese person.
00:26:19.800 Yeah.
00:26:20.460 Well, that's like your joke.
00:26:21.320 You have that bit.
00:26:24.040 I went to TNT today.
00:26:25.620 They were pissed when they had to speak English to me at the cash.
00:26:30.260 Well, they were pissed you were.
00:26:31.040 Oh, you have your TNT card?
00:26:34.600 Your royalty card?
00:26:38.760 I said no.
00:26:40.280 You should have signed up.
00:26:41.400 She was like,
00:26:42.180 Oh, then you're going to have to pay extra for the cracker.
00:26:47.400 You're going to have to pay $2 instead of $2.
00:26:51.200 $9 to $10.
00:26:54.580 Yeah, you called me today because you were outside the TNT.
00:26:58.700 You sounded like a kid at Disney World.
00:27:00.520 Yeah.
00:27:00.740 You were like,
00:27:01.220 Bro, there's so much ready-made food here.
00:27:04.680 There's so much food.
00:27:06.940 It's so bad.
00:27:07.800 I just ate the TNT and then fell asleep for six hours.
00:27:11.040 What did you see today?
00:27:11.860 You said you saw an old man nervously look around
00:27:15.500 and then run into a rub and tug in that same strip mall.
00:27:18.060 Yeah.
00:27:18.560 Dumb about that.
00:27:19.260 He was in the car next to me when I got into my car to leave
00:27:22.280 and he was just staring at the rub and tug.
00:27:26.120 And then beside the rub and tug,
00:27:28.100 there's a place just like a wholesale go buy pots and pans and shit.
00:27:33.220 And so he looks like he's walking towards it
00:27:35.540 and then at the last second he just turns like this
00:27:38.060 and goes right into the rub and tug.
00:27:40.360 And you just see him open the door.
00:27:42.480 So it's not even like he looks back.
00:27:44.480 He's just like,
00:27:44.960 I'm in.
00:27:46.200 And just the door closing behind him.
00:27:47.980 It's like Indiana Jones escaping the Temple of Doom.
00:27:52.400 Yeah.
00:27:52.600 It's like,
00:27:53.620 oh God,
00:27:54.260 it's only 2 p.m.
00:27:55.500 Am I really going in there?
00:27:56.500 He's trying not to think about his kids.
00:27:58.280 Fuck,
00:27:58.600 maybe I should just go to TNT.
00:27:59.800 I'm just running to TNT.
00:28:01.260 Going to go get some duck legs.
00:28:02.960 Yeah.
00:28:03.500 It's just a white husband just like,
00:28:05.820 no,
00:28:05.980 we need more Xinjiang sauce from the TNT.
00:28:08.780 I got to go back.
00:28:10.480 Oh,
00:28:10.720 we're out of Xinjiang?
00:28:11.480 Yeah,
00:28:11.920 we need more fucking sharpie legs.
00:28:17.200 Oh,
00:28:17.920 we're out of crab legs for breakfast?
00:28:19.480 We need chow chow paws.
00:28:21.920 Oh,
00:28:22.340 we need puppy dog paws and tails.
00:28:24.540 I got to go buy cats and ducks.
00:28:26.940 It would be funny because,
00:28:28.380 you know,
00:28:28.620 they do have a couple of cuts of meat on their like,
00:28:31.080 in their dally where it's like,
00:28:33.720 oh,
00:28:33.900 that's a pork loin.
00:28:34.940 It's like,
00:28:35.260 that's a cat.
00:28:37.280 Just like a fucking cat.
00:28:39.420 And you're like,
00:28:39.720 oh,
00:28:39.840 that's pork.
00:28:40.460 They just,
00:28:40.800 you know how they have like the fucking aquarium with all the fish and shit.
00:28:44.760 They just have dead cats in the water.
00:28:50.180 Sewer cats.
00:28:51.500 Chained to the bottom.
00:28:52.660 Jesus Christ.
00:28:54.460 God,
00:28:54.780 there's so much food here.
00:28:57.020 Was that a cat in a fucking pool?
00:28:58.740 Would you eat dog?
00:28:59.500 Would you eat dog or cat?
00:29:00.560 If you were in China,
00:29:01.340 would you try it?
00:29:02.500 I feel like you would.
00:29:03.240 I mean,
00:29:03.620 if I didn't know what it was.
00:29:05.360 No,
00:29:05.620 you're going to know what it was.
00:29:06.380 Like,
00:29:06.600 if you,
00:29:06.920 obviously not.
00:29:07.900 No?
00:29:08.520 Like,
00:29:08.740 I'd have to be deep.
00:29:09.580 I would have had to be there for like three weeks.
00:29:11.520 I'd be like,
00:29:11.820 oh,
00:29:12.040 I guess.
00:29:12.300 Three weeks?
00:29:12.740 That's all it takes.
00:29:14.820 That's a deep.
00:29:16.300 I'd have to be like three hours or something.
00:29:19.460 Lay over.
00:29:21.260 Three hours into China.
00:29:22.620 We just ate a dog's head.
00:29:23.900 Yeah,
00:29:26.540 you got to save that for the end of the vacation.
00:29:28.660 You can't like blow your load right away.
00:29:30.680 I was going to go to Barcelona.
00:29:32.160 I was like,
00:29:32.420 fuck it,
00:29:32.660 I'm going to Wuhan.
00:29:33.640 I'm going to eat a bat's brains.
00:29:36.900 I want to stay at home again.
00:29:38.420 Holy shit,
00:29:38.940 they got TNT here.
00:29:40.500 Everywhere it's the same.
00:29:41.660 Yo,
00:29:41.840 this whole country's TNT.
00:29:46.700 Where's the ready-made food?
00:29:47.760 Why do I always have to wait for you to boil a rabbit head?
00:29:51.960 Just asking random Chinese people,
00:29:54.360 where's your food?
00:29:56.140 What do I order?
00:29:57.180 I swear my mom used to say they boiled rat eggs.
00:30:00.900 They probably just like,
00:30:02.660 do rats?
00:30:03.700 Rats don't lay eggs.
00:30:04.840 Yeah,
00:30:05.080 I was going to say they're mammals.
00:30:06.140 But that's why it's racist.
00:30:07.360 Rat eggs.
00:30:08.300 Chinese rats.
00:30:08.980 What the hell are you eating a bunch of rat eggs?
00:30:11.040 I'm sorry?
00:30:12.900 Chicken fetus?
00:30:13.780 Isn't that just an egg?
00:30:15.980 Oh.
00:30:17.660 Chicken fetus?
00:30:19.780 I would eat that before a dog.
00:30:21.700 Yeah,
00:30:22.020 I would eat that before a dog too.
00:30:24.080 Like,
00:30:24.720 yeah.
00:30:25.160 But I would have like,
00:30:25.860 that's like,
00:30:26.100 oh,
00:30:26.340 you don't like a dog?
00:30:27.460 That's like appetizer.
00:30:28.780 Most Chinese people don't eat dogs,
00:30:30.420 I feel like.
00:30:30.900 No.
00:30:31.980 I hope not.
00:30:32.400 A small minority are like,
00:30:34.200 I love to eat dogs.
00:30:35.700 The Chinese version of trans is just people eating dogs?
00:30:41.200 That's really funny.
00:30:41.880 We need to protect the doggy too.
00:30:43.900 Oh,
00:30:44.240 what are your pronouns?
00:30:45.200 Woof,
00:30:45.400 woof.
00:30:45.640 Oh,
00:30:45.920 my pronouns are woof,
00:30:47.140 woof.
00:30:49.580 Bow wow.
00:30:52.180 Chow wow.
00:30:53.940 Chow down.
00:30:54.780 Oh,
00:30:55.020 this is chow men.
00:30:56.020 Oh,
00:30:56.640 sometimes I eat the dog,
00:30:58.160 sometimes I eat the shark fin soup.
00:31:00.440 Yo,
00:31:00.660 shark fin soup sounds sick.
00:31:01.920 I would eat shark.
00:31:02.320 I've had that.
00:31:03.040 Yeah?
00:31:03.580 Yeah,
00:31:04.000 as a kid.
00:31:04.820 Where?
00:31:05.280 In Toronto?
00:31:06.360 My dad worked with a Chinese classical guitarist.
00:31:11.180 His name was Alvin.
00:31:12.400 Tommy Lee?
00:31:14.060 Oh,
00:31:14.640 Alvin.
00:31:16.020 No,
00:31:16.340 and he,
00:31:16.740 he had like a wedding and we went,
00:31:20.140 I went to it and there was like shark fin soup.
00:31:22.420 It was like a big Chinese wedding.
00:31:24.760 And they have like a five course,
00:31:26.300 they have like a fucking 10 course meal.
00:31:28.280 It's like crazy.
00:31:29.100 Like it was like in some banquet hall in Markham.
00:31:31.660 Mandarin.
00:31:32.020 Is that a man?
00:31:36.400 Is that a TNT grocery store?
00:31:38.720 I got married in the fish market.
00:31:44.640 Oh,
00:31:45.240 it smells just right,
00:31:46.120 my wife.
00:31:50.720 It looks like my wife.
00:31:52.240 My Chinese wife poses Malrake.
00:31:56.560 So does her hand from cooking to fish all day.
00:31:59.620 There's all these like videos on fucking like Instagram reels or whatever,
00:32:08.360 where it's like a Chinese woman cleaning,
00:32:10.200 but like sped up.
00:32:11.900 But it's always,
00:32:12.700 it's like for a product.
00:32:13.820 It's like selling.
00:32:14.540 It's like,
00:32:14.840 like she's like washing her clothes in like a,
00:32:17.280 in like a cup.
00:32:19.120 Like they have like some,
00:32:20.140 like they have like these mini washing machines in China.
00:32:22.700 That's cool.
00:32:25.160 You only got tied to go.
00:32:27.240 You don't have like a washing machine.
00:32:29.360 Plug in a mini washing machine in the middle of the club.
00:32:32.300 I like Chinese people though.
00:32:36.260 They're cool.
00:32:36.980 Like I felt,
00:32:37.960 I felt very safe and like,
00:32:41.040 like it was almost like one white person there kind of made all the Chinese
00:32:43.920 people chill out.
00:32:44.800 Like,
00:32:44.940 they're like,
00:32:45.240 okay.
00:32:46.180 Well,
00:32:46.360 no,
00:32:46.620 we're in China.
00:32:47.320 What do you think,
00:32:47.680 what do you think it was?
00:32:48.560 A secret police station?
00:32:50.420 TNT in the basement?
00:32:52.320 No,
00:32:52.740 they liked it.
00:32:53.260 They're like,
00:32:53.620 Oh,
00:32:53.980 he got the typical white person food.
00:32:57.420 He got the safest food.
00:32:59.760 He got to arrive.
00:33:00.840 Crab.
00:33:01.520 Yeah.
00:33:01.720 Sorry.
00:33:02.100 I don't want to buy food that looks like it's from most.
00:33:03.920 It's fucked up.
00:33:04.460 Cause like,
00:33:04.820 I wouldn't even cook a live crab,
00:33:06.200 but I just want to like buy,
00:33:07.300 like when you see live crab like that and other.
00:33:10.200 Once you have it as a pet.
00:33:11.300 Fresh foods.
00:33:11.700 Like I just want to like buy them.
00:33:13.640 Why don't you just make them fight each other?
00:33:15.420 It would be pretty funny if I just had a crab like,
00:33:17.400 like Pokemon set right now.
00:33:19.120 Just holding a crab.
00:33:20.440 Make it bite you.
00:33:22.960 Yo,
00:33:23.340 we bought a crab and just die because it's not in water.
00:33:25.900 They don't have to be in water.
00:33:27.140 Do they?
00:33:27.700 Yeah.
00:33:29.340 No.
00:33:30.940 Lobsters do.
00:33:31.580 No,
00:33:31.920 they do,
00:33:32.460 bro.
00:33:32.780 They don't survive out of water,
00:33:34.460 bro.
00:33:35.340 Oh,
00:33:36.400 yeah.
00:33:37.060 Like walk around for a second.
00:33:38.780 I know.
00:33:39.120 Fucking.
00:33:41.700 What's up?
00:33:42.360 It's not like a hermit crab that I thought crabs were just,
00:33:45.080 they could just lurk.
00:33:45.780 Yo,
00:33:45.920 I thought I saw a crab on a TTC yesterday.
00:33:50.300 I saw a crab at the airport.
00:33:51.840 What about?
00:33:52.340 Yo,
00:33:52.500 you going to Paris too?
00:33:53.820 You going to Paris,
00:33:54.480 Paris?
00:33:54.800 Yo,
00:33:55.100 I'm digging my crab.
00:33:55.920 You going to Paris,
00:33:56.500 Paris,
00:33:56.760 Paris,
00:33:56.900 or Paris,
00:33:57.360 Texas?
00:33:58.740 Going to Paris,
00:33:59.500 Ontario.
00:34:01.660 It's kind of funny.
00:34:02.400 You're going to Paris.
00:34:03.120 I'm going to Texas and there's a bar in Toronto called Paris,
00:34:05.700 Texas.
00:34:06.240 Oh,
00:34:06.360 that is pretty sick.
00:34:07.500 Yeah.
00:34:08.840 Yo,
00:34:08.980 where are you going?
00:34:09.440 Paris?
00:34:09.780 Where's your boy going?
00:34:10.740 Texas?
00:34:11.280 Oh,
00:34:11.620 shit.
00:34:12.080 No,
00:34:12.320 you guys should start a bar.
00:34:13.260 We should go to Paris,
00:34:13.900 Texas.
00:34:16.780 Bring a crab.
00:34:19.300 No,
00:34:19.680 but you do want to buy them.
00:34:20.640 Like part of me wanted to just like boil a crab.
00:34:23.720 Seeing it there.
00:34:26.060 I like to eat it.
00:34:27.740 It's just crazy how many they have and like how many of them are just
00:34:30.940 definitely not getting bought.
00:34:32.660 No,
00:34:32.880 they're getting bought.
00:34:34.160 I don't know.
00:34:34.800 They have a lot of live crab,
00:34:36.340 bro.
00:34:36.640 Yeah,
00:34:36.820 but they live for,
00:34:37.640 they just,
00:34:38.080 okay,
00:34:38.600 well,
00:34:38.980 you buy the,
00:34:39.840 it's not like it goes on fresh.
00:34:41.580 It's just alive longer.
00:34:43.800 It's just an older crab.
00:34:45.160 The restaurants buy from TNT?
00:34:46.840 The Chinese ones?
00:34:48.500 Oh,
00:34:48.880 the Italian ones,
00:34:49.580 bro.
00:34:50.880 Fuck you think?
00:34:52.720 French restaurants.
00:34:53.280 Girl,
00:34:53.420 can your mom make me a crab leg?
00:34:56.300 Does she make seafood ever?
00:35:00.720 Why?
00:35:01.260 Because it's Jesus?
00:35:03.540 Jesus.
00:35:04.260 Christmas Eve,
00:35:04.860 seafood,
00:35:05.320 why?
00:35:06.760 You can't have meat for,
00:35:08.180 because you're Christian
00:35:09.220 and you might think about it.
00:35:10.480 Bro.
00:35:11.400 What a bad religion.
00:35:12.740 Spinnin' dread off.
00:35:15.220 Pray to Allah.
00:35:16.280 Yeah.
00:35:17.740 You can do anything in Islam,
00:35:20.040 really.
00:35:22.260 Yeah,
00:35:22.740 just ask any Muslim guy from Toronto.
00:35:24.960 Yo,
00:35:25.160 I do everything.
00:35:26.220 Yo,
00:35:26.560 bottle service,
00:35:27.420 that's haram.
00:35:28.640 I still do it.
00:35:29.760 Or rob people at gunpoint?
00:35:32.640 That's what makes it more fun.
00:35:33.680 That's harambe.
00:35:34.500 Because you know what's wrong.
00:35:37.480 It's like ordering food late.
00:35:39.680 My favorite part of being Muslim
00:35:40.940 is eating food.
00:35:43.600 Made by somebody's mom.
00:35:46.540 Yeah,
00:35:46.960 can your mom make some food?
00:35:49.120 She could,
00:35:49.840 but...
00:35:50.300 I want to eat some of her lentil soup
00:35:51.800 or some shit.
00:35:52.520 She doesn't make lentil soup.
00:35:53.660 What the fuck does she make?
00:35:55.160 No,
00:35:55.480 it makes like Persian food.
00:35:56.800 Persian?
00:35:57.260 Like what?
00:35:58.100 Like gourmet sabzi.
00:35:59.640 It's like...
00:35:59.860 Ugh.
00:36:00.780 What the hell is that?
00:36:01.580 It's like a stew
00:36:02.660 with rice.
00:36:04.200 She just makes...
00:36:05.020 So she makes very basic shit.
00:36:06.760 No,
00:36:07.080 it's not basic.
00:36:07.880 It's just...
00:36:08.620 It's hard to explain.
00:36:09.560 I don't really know what's in it.
00:36:10.820 I could show you a photo.
00:36:12.020 Do you take photos of the food she makes?
00:36:15.600 No.
00:36:16.380 Why not?
00:36:17.020 Because I'm...
00:36:17.900 I'm spoiled.
00:36:19.380 Wow.
00:36:19.940 I just...
00:36:20.300 I'm like,
00:36:20.560 whoa,
00:36:20.660 that's there.
00:36:21.840 I used to always take pictures of food
00:36:23.500 my mom would make.
00:36:25.180 No,
00:36:25.480 I feel like I should
00:36:26.240 because it's like that.
00:36:28.300 Looks like shit.
00:36:30.460 Literally looks like somebody took a shit.
00:36:32.220 All right,
00:36:32.560 well,
00:36:32.940 that's why I don't bring you any of her food,
00:36:35.100 you piece of shit.
00:36:36.760 I want to eat some of your mom's diarrhea soup.
00:36:39.440 The fuck?
00:36:41.160 You're like,
00:36:41.540 shit on this guy's mom's cooking for 20 minutes.
00:36:45.420 Yeah.
00:36:47.640 My mom can't cook.
00:36:49.240 She can,
00:36:49.840 just she'd probably
00:36:50.540 light herself on fire.
00:36:52.840 No,
00:36:52.960 she really can't.
00:36:53.840 Even when she was...
00:36:55.180 She eats like...
00:36:56.200 Sentient?
00:36:56.960 She eats...
00:36:57.800 Puree.
00:37:00.540 Oh.
00:37:01.340 She eats like cat food.
00:37:02.920 They don't.
00:37:03.400 They just like puree anything they make.
00:37:05.320 Mm.
00:37:06.580 So she just eats like pureed chicken.
00:37:08.580 Can you bring some of that?
00:37:10.040 Yeah,
00:37:10.280 you want that?
00:37:11.000 Can you try some of your mom's food?
00:37:12.500 I'm the long-term care.
00:37:13.540 I'll get you some of my mom's food.
00:37:15.840 Pay it back
00:37:16.700 for the diarrhea soup.
00:37:18.540 And this guy's mom's undercooked meatballs
00:37:22.260 look pink in the middle.
00:37:23.620 All our moms make dog shit.
00:37:31.020 I've like,
00:37:31.760 I've been to people's houses
00:37:32.920 where their parents like,
00:37:33.800 make actually good food.
00:37:35.680 Yeah?
00:37:36.720 Okay,
00:37:37.240 what the fuck?
00:37:38.060 Did you brag about that?
00:37:39.100 Like,
00:37:39.500 yeah,
00:37:39.820 like,
00:37:40.040 I don't know,
00:37:40.300 I've been on boats.
00:37:41.080 It's like,
00:37:41.740 fucking bitch.
00:37:46.460 I honestly have it.
00:37:47.960 It sounds like a white girl,
00:37:49.420 like,
00:37:49.660 I've been a nicer con.
00:37:50.620 I actually have it.
00:37:52.260 Like,
00:37:52.720 this guy's food's probably the best
00:37:53.880 that anybody's parent has like,
00:37:55.320 made me.
00:37:57.500 I'm trying to think
00:37:58.340 what other food I've ever had
00:37:59.780 of like,
00:38:00.060 people's parents.
00:38:00.920 It's a lot to think about,
00:38:02.100 bro.
00:38:02.720 To access the database
00:38:03.700 of every meal you've ever had.
00:38:07.020 His brain.
00:38:08.580 Jarvis,
00:38:09.040 pull that up.
00:38:11.080 Nothing like,
00:38:12.960 really jumps out.
00:38:17.160 Hey,
00:38:17.680 what about your fiance's parents?
00:38:18.840 Have they made like,
00:38:19.500 a three cheese dip
00:38:20.380 from fucking Longo's
00:38:21.540 or something?
00:38:23.140 Have they ever pulled out
00:38:24.460 like a,
00:38:24.980 have they ever called
00:38:27.340 Johnny Quests?
00:38:33.440 Once I picked up,
00:38:34.700 like,
00:38:36.880 sandwiches that were made
00:38:38.040 at,
00:38:38.280 like,
00:38:38.940 Metro.
00:38:41.080 That's pretty much
00:38:43.000 white people cooking.
00:38:44.060 It's just ready-made shit.
00:38:45.940 No,
00:38:46.180 they made some,
00:38:46.820 they made some,
00:38:47.540 some food.
00:38:48.460 Well,
00:38:48.540 they made burgers once,
00:38:49.500 but they were also frozen.
00:38:51.780 Um,
00:38:52.220 they made good food.
00:38:56.860 Let's not talk about that.
00:38:58.140 Jesus Christ.
00:39:01.260 Fuck.
00:39:02.320 This podcast is already
00:39:03.680 going to get me fucking killed.
00:39:05.300 Oh,
00:39:05.520 I don't know.
00:39:06.860 I talked about my in-laws.
00:39:08.820 I talked about,
00:39:09.820 uh,
00:39:10.260 sexual experience I had
00:39:11.380 before I met my fiance.
00:39:12.600 And then I talked about
00:39:13.340 my in-laws cooking.
00:39:14.160 When I was 12 years old,
00:39:15.140 that was molested.
00:39:15.880 I'm Jewish.
00:39:16.620 Take a tampon
00:39:19.740 out of my teacher's pussy.
00:39:25.080 Strawberry shortcake.
00:39:26.360 Oh,
00:39:26.640 is that your asshole?
00:39:27.920 Oh,
00:39:28.280 why do you have a tampon
00:39:28.960 on your butt?
00:39:30.420 Is it because you're a dude?
00:39:31.540 Oh,
00:39:32.480 why is this brown?
00:39:34.000 Oh,
00:39:34.440 why'd I put a tampon
00:39:35.300 in my ass after I did
00:39:36.400 a spin class?
00:39:37.100 Oh,
00:39:37.260 you ever take shit
00:39:37.860 out of a girl's ass
00:39:38.540 and fuck it?
00:39:40.960 Isn't that Jason Rouse's joke?
00:39:42.540 No,
00:39:43.100 that's,
00:39:43.500 that's that
00:39:44.880 when you freeze dog shit
00:39:46.000 and fuck her pussy.
00:39:46.780 But I'm saying,
00:39:47.300 what if you took the shit
00:39:48.100 out of her ass
00:39:48.940 and then fucked her asshole?
00:39:51.460 Folks,
00:39:51.880 I'm going on tour.
00:39:53.340 Guys,
00:39:53.740 you can buy tickets
00:39:54.400 to see this live.
00:40:00.120 Watch this before
00:40:00.880 we put it behind the paywall.
00:40:03.020 Thank you for listening,
00:40:03.940 everybody.
00:40:04.260 Good night.