Bankas Podcast - March 05, 2024


Mama's Meatballs ｜ The Bankas Show - #048


Episode Stats


Length

40 minutes

Words per minute

166.5627

Word count

6,675

Sentence count

912

Harmful content

Misogyny

73

sentences flagged

Toxicity

383

sentences flagged

Hate speech

74

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

This week, the crew eats food from a 75-year-old woman's kitchen and talks about a man who thinks he's George Washington. Also, a guy who's been living alone since the War of 1812 and doesn't know what a bootleg is.

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Toxicity classifications generated with s-nlp/roberta_toxicity_classifier .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
00:00:00.260 So today my camera guy brought me food from his 75-year-old mother, which, God bless her, thank you.
00:00:09.060 God bless her soul. What's your mom's name, Mike?
00:00:13.500 Doesn't matter, doesn't matter, doesn't matter. Don't tell him. Never mind.
00:00:19.640 Like, last week, this guy tells me he's too sick to come here to film.
00:00:23.440 Yeah.
00:00:23.960 I asked him why. He said because he ate his mom's food, and then he just brought it.
00:00:28.120 Yeah, we looked at it. It looks like it makes you sick.
00:00:31.100 Can you bring your mom's food in here?
00:00:33.440 Yeah, maybe, like, make a little platter for us.
00:00:39.560 They kind of, you know, set it up real nice.
00:00:45.420 I love how this guy came back in the room with no water. 0.99
00:00:48.180 What the fuck was that? 0.99
00:00:50.500 He, like, came, he thought he was on the show. 0.99
00:00:53.780 Yeah, our cameraman, also, his hair,
00:00:57.660 you said it looks like George Washington's hair.
00:00:59.980 Yeah, he went from Aquaman to George Washington.
00:01:02.360 Yeah, yeah, he's, um,
00:01:04.880 looks like a judge in the 1800s.
00:01:06.640 Oh, my God, this is hilarious.
00:01:07.960 Oh, here we go.
00:01:09.540 Oh, yeah.
00:01:10.220 That's how you know it's good.
00:01:11.500 So, you know, it's really good Italian food, traditional.
00:01:14.480 They always have nice mason jars.
00:01:17.120 You see that?
00:01:18.320 Hold on, wait, I want to open the sauce.
00:01:19.580 Is that sauce?
00:01:27.400 Oh, oh, I'm going to puke.
00:01:32.720 Thanks to our cameraman's mom, Chef Boyardee,
00:01:36.440 for bringing us this...
00:01:39.080 Made in a can.
00:01:42.380 Yeah.
00:01:43.620 Made in a sewer.
00:01:45.260 No, it actually does look pretty good, to be honest.
00:01:47.340 What are you guys talking about?
00:01:49.180 What is it supposed to look like? 0.99
00:01:51.240 Like, it's fucking red sauce? 0.99
00:01:54.060 And meatballs, and that's cutlets and sauce. 0.99
00:01:56.300 Hold on, I'll show them the...
00:01:58.660 I mean, I don't know,
00:01:59.760 the cutlets look a little discolored.
00:02:03.100 Looks like he's been sitting on a Loblaw shelf.
00:02:05.500 Yeah, it kind of...
00:02:06.340 It kind of looks like asbestos concrete.
00:02:09.380 Public shelf, H-E-B.
00:02:10.680 I'm excited for U.S. grocery stores.
00:02:14.640 You don't have to eat this anymore?
00:02:16.080 Yeah.
00:02:17.180 No, I'm going to eat it right now.
00:02:19.740 Eat it.
00:02:20.660 I have to take out my Zin Pod.
00:02:22.260 Okay, well, it's not worth it, then.
00:02:23.820 Yeah.
00:02:24.740 I'm going to eat it after, I promise. 1.00
00:02:26.300 No, I'm just fucking with you. 1.00
00:02:31.680 Bro. 1.00
00:02:32.800 Bro.
00:02:33.420 I know, it is funny.
00:02:34.360 My mom put that in a Cool Whip. 0.99
00:02:35.940 Where's the lid for that?
00:02:37.200 I don't know.
00:02:38.400 You brought it out here with no lid, bro.
00:02:40.120 No, I didn't.
00:02:41.040 It's here.
00:02:42.280 This guy's getting so Italian all of a sudden. 1.00
00:02:44.640 Do you even cook?
00:02:45.600 You don't cook. 1.00
00:02:48.160 I fucking cook. 1.00
00:02:49.000 No, you don't. 1.00
00:02:49.900 Of course I do.
00:02:50.660 You cook?
00:02:51.160 What do you cook?
00:02:51.800 I've been living alone for like 12 years.
00:02:53.920 20 years.
00:02:56.880 This guy's been living alone since the War of 1812.
00:03:00.060 Yeah, this guy's been living alone since the Revolutionary War.
00:03:02.940 Yeah, it's not funny because they can't see his hair, but...
00:03:05.240 No, we're going to superimpose a photo of your hair at Profile so that they see you.
00:03:09.180 Here, I'm going to take a picture of what you look like, just so I can put you on the
00:03:12.180 screen.
00:03:12.540 Look towards the bathroom.
00:03:13.280 No, look towards me.
00:03:14.060 Yes.
00:03:14.800 And look towards me now?
00:03:16.140 Yes.
00:03:16.540 Okay, that'll be...
00:03:20.340 People know what you look like now.
00:03:21.840 George Washington wearing Amiri.
00:03:24.300 He's wearing fake Amiri. 0.99
00:03:25.800 Oh, why'd you go to expose him like, that's fucked up. 1.00
00:03:28.420 Look, I'll shit on the guy's mom's cooking. 1.00
00:03:30.360 You don't tell him brand's fake, bro. 1.00
00:03:32.420 He told me it was fake.
00:03:33.160 Yeah, but in confidence.
00:03:35.580 He said it was like a bootleg.
00:03:37.540 Yeah, yeah.
00:03:38.360 A bootleg.
00:03:38.840 To be fair, he did buy a bootleg.
00:03:41.160 Fugazi?
00:03:41.300 That's what it's called?
00:03:42.040 Fugazi.
00:03:42.860 Fugazi?
00:03:43.340 That means fake?
00:03:43.960 That's all the Italian this guy knows is from Donnie Brasco.
00:03:49.700 All right, guys.
00:03:52.360 The most...
00:03:53.240 This guy called me a mungie cake.
00:03:55.620 Bro, I'm more Italian than you. 0.83
00:03:56.920 You're like a mungie shawarma. 1.00
00:03:59.780 That's solid.
00:04:01.040 That's a good one.
00:04:04.680 Mungie shawarma. 1.00
00:04:06.020 Now, what's that other shit? 1.00
00:04:07.060 Mungie baklava? 1.00
00:04:08.600 That's Greek.
00:04:09.980 Is it?
00:04:10.580 It's Greek and Turkish.
00:04:12.520 That's what they fight over.
00:04:13.380 They fight over that.
00:04:15.520 If you say to a Greek person...
00:04:16.820 If you go to Alibaba, they got a baklava.
00:04:18.640 Yeah.
00:04:19.400 Is it baklava and then there's baklava? 1.00
00:04:21.800 Oh, shut up. 0.99
00:04:22.340 No, baklava is the scary mask they wear. 1.00
00:04:24.280 No, no.
00:04:24.480 That's a balaclava.
00:04:25.380 That's a balaclava.
00:04:27.540 Yo, I've been ordering the wrong thing.
00:04:29.200 Yo, I got a balaclava from this shawarma place.
00:04:31.500 I keep trying to order masks. 0.99
00:04:32.340 I think they want me to do a fucking ISIS movie. 0.99
00:04:34.220 Trying to order masks. 1.00
00:04:35.240 They keep sending me cake.
00:04:36.100 It's kind of funny if a shawarma shop sent you a balaclava and said baklava.
00:04:43.360 I'd be happy.
00:04:44.360 I'd be like... 1.00
00:04:44.720 Just sends you a fucking... 1.00
00:04:45.760 They're like, here. 1.00
00:04:46.340 This is authentic.
00:04:46.800 Your mission is to go to Sienthal.
00:04:49.080 This is a woman. 1.00
00:04:49.840 Cut her head off. 0.99
00:04:53.700 Anyway, this is the final episode with Armin. 0.53
00:04:57.520 We're terminating him after this episode as my friend. 1.00
00:05:02.460 Fuck off. 1.00
00:05:04.840 No, I might have to... 1.00
00:05:05.700 He might have to fork over three grand so I can slave him around the US. 1.00
00:05:09.340 Yeah, it's pretty fucked up. 0.99
00:05:10.600 I have to literally sign my name into the bank. 0.98
00:05:13.320 It's kind of funny that you're going to...
00:05:16.000 On a vacation right now that...
00:05:18.360 Like, Armin's going to Spain to be 25, even though he's 26 now.
00:05:24.140 I'm 25.
00:05:25.020 Oh, you're 25 still?
00:05:26.140 This is good.
00:05:26.780 This is good for you.
00:05:27.520 You're going to Spain. 1.00
00:05:29.580 You're going to have sex, hopefully. 1.00
00:05:32.020 Yeah. 0.99
00:05:32.880 You're going to... 1.00
00:05:33.840 It's going to suck. 0.99
00:05:37.400 Yeah? 0.97
00:05:38.040 No, no.
00:05:38.700 You're going to have a good time.
00:05:39.620 But it is funny that you're spending the equivalent of what you could have spent to pursue your
00:05:43.580 career to go on your first vacation.
00:05:45.480 Yeah.
00:05:46.420 I mean, it's not even that much.
00:05:47.760 Yo, I haven't really done anything, but I'm tired.
00:05:50.380 I need a rest.
00:05:52.140 I posted like eight clips this year.
00:05:54.000 Yeah.
00:05:54.280 It's a big year for me.
00:05:55.280 It's the most clips you've ever posted.
00:05:57.860 It's a pretty good clip, though.
00:05:59.000 Yeah?
00:05:59.960 What are you at?
00:06:00.520 What's your following now?
00:06:01.600 I'm almost 1700.
00:06:02.840 Pull it up on the screen, Anunziata.
00:06:04.420 I checked it recently.
00:06:05.840 No, I think it was up to almost 2K.
00:06:07.680 I meant in post.
00:06:10.540 He just pulls his phone in front of him.
00:06:12.380 Put it up on the phone.
00:06:14.280 Yeah.
00:06:14.700 What does it say?
00:06:17.400 Do you have 2K?
00:06:18.020 Oh, it went up.
00:06:24.380 1,670 people.
00:06:25.140 He's got some clips that are about 20K, man.
00:06:29.780 Crazy.
00:06:30.820 It's going to be huge.
00:06:31.560 Fired up.
00:06:32.760 It's going to be huge.
00:06:33.160 Fired up.
00:06:33.700 Wait until I'm making content in Spain.
00:06:35.600 Doing travel blogs.
00:06:37.400 It's over, bro.
00:06:38.440 Just you hungover and being like, yo, bro, I have no money.
00:06:40.980 My cards aren't working.
00:06:42.160 Pretty good content.
00:06:43.000 I feel like that would actually go viral.
00:06:44.440 Just, yo, I'm hungover in Spain.
00:06:45.660 My phone bill.
00:06:48.520 Shee, boy. 0.93
00:06:49.760 Yeah.
00:06:50.340 No, it's going to be sick when I come back and max out a credit card to come to the States.
00:06:54.860 We're just going to put, like, 200 bucks in a TD Bank account.
00:06:59.840 It's going to be funny when I go to the States and meet a new friend.
00:07:03.300 Yeah.
00:07:05.680 This is a great pod, bro.
00:07:07.040 Yo, save your three grand. 0.90
00:07:09.820 Put it in a biggie bank.
00:07:12.580 No, that'd be awful.
00:07:15.040 That'd be really mean.
00:07:17.700 Yeah, I want to go to Texas.
00:07:21.060 You just want to go to grocery stores, really.
00:07:23.280 Yeah.
00:07:23.740 That's all he's talked about with the States.
00:07:25.580 It's just like, bro, the grocery stores?
00:07:27.600 Like, that's it.
00:07:33.120 They got that.
00:07:34.420 Ready, mate.
00:07:35.120 Yo, thanks, Trudeau.
00:07:36.420 Show that. 0.99
00:07:37.660 Yo, food's so expensive, I had to get my Italian friend's mom to make me a fucking meal. 1.00
00:07:42.640 Elderly woman. 0.99
00:07:43.360 The inflation crisis of food is disturbing.
00:07:49.580 Yeah.
00:07:50.460 The show is 100% sponsored by me.
00:07:53.940 You can support me at patreon.com slash benbankus, or you can go buy tickets to some of my upcoming
00:08:01.700 shows, benbankus.com.
00:08:03.720 No, it's not.
00:08:05.320 Okay.
00:08:05.760 All the people who are, like, posting these videos of what they bought at Walmart, they're
00:08:10.860 like, can you believe this is $300?
00:08:12.380 It's like, you bought fat people food.
00:08:15.640 That's true.
00:08:16.060 Yeah, I know, right?
00:08:16.820 You bought, like, McCain's fries.
00:08:18.100 Yeah, literally.
00:08:18.980 It's all, like, Jane's chicken strips.
00:08:20.960 They were frozen, like, six years ago, and you're just like, whoa, why's that 30 bucks?
00:08:25.100 How am I supposed to feed my family?
00:08:26.280 It's like, how about make a friggin' fresh meal and a salad, and it'll be, like, $30, you 1.00
00:08:32.160 fucking fat pig. 1.00
00:08:34.680 Yeah. 1.00
00:08:35.000 Hey, you tell them, bro.
00:08:37.920 Hey, I'm losing weight.
00:08:39.200 Look how thin I look.
00:08:40.120 No.
00:08:40.680 Do I look thin?
00:08:41.620 You look thin.
00:08:42.260 I look thinner.
00:08:43.100 You're wearing a bigger sweater.
00:08:44.520 No, it's smaller.
00:08:46.360 It's Amiri.
00:08:48.660 It's Amiri Jordan.
00:08:54.320 Yeah, anybody who complains about food being too expensive is, I think they just buy the 1.00
00:08:59.200 wrong shit. 1.00
00:09:00.080 Yeah? 1.00
00:09:00.720 What should they be buying?
00:09:02.520 Like, vegetables.
00:09:05.480 Meat.
00:09:07.720 Milk.
00:09:08.620 Eggs.
00:09:09.420 I mean, like, they're out there being like, how come Doritos are seven?
00:09:13.420 Like, why are you buying Doritos?
00:09:15.620 Doritos is, like, the same thing as taking a vaccine. 1.00
00:09:18.140 Like, eating a bag of Doritos is, like, taking a fucking... 0.99
00:09:20.420 Well, you're really vaccinated then, eh? 1.00
00:09:22.920 Yeah.
00:09:27.400 Yo, I got, like, eight doses of Doritos.
00:09:29.440 This guy takes a dose a day.
00:09:32.720 Keep the duck through it.
00:09:35.000 But no, I know what you mean.
00:09:36.100 Yeah. 1.00
00:09:36.260 They always buy the worst shit. 1.00
00:09:38.280 They always buy ice cream and shit. 1.00
00:09:39.880 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 1.00
00:09:40.220 Just some woman. 1.00
00:09:41.040 Like, all these videos, there's, like, a woman crying, and she's just like, girl, I've been 0.98
00:09:45.420 working 40 hours a week, and all I can't afford is fucking McDonald's, and I can barely 0.98
00:09:50.400 pay my rent. 0.99
00:09:50.940 It's like, yeah, you're a woman, and you didn't find a man.
00:09:54.500 It's over.
00:09:55.680 It's done.
00:09:57.040 You're just...
00:09:57.300 Like, it'll be, like, a semi-good-looking woman, like, crying. 1.00
00:10:00.520 Be like, I can't afford groceries.
00:10:02.240 It's like, yeah, because you were annoying, and then nobody wanted to pay for you.
00:10:05.240 Maybe that's how they're trying to find a man, though.
00:10:06.940 They're like, yo, what if I just, like, throw it out there?
00:10:09.180 Cry on Facebook?
00:10:09.640 Yeah. 0.99
00:10:09.900 And some dude's just jerking off, like, oh, I'll take that one. 0.98
00:10:13.340 Want to go to Kelsey's? 0.99
00:10:14.360 Yeah, straight up. 1.00
00:10:15.680 What if you DM that crying bitch? 1.00
00:10:17.400 You're like, yo, I'll buy you some fucking eggs. 1.00
00:10:19.240 The sad part is she probably has a boyfriend that's just... 1.00
00:10:21.840 Yeah, it's just broke.
00:10:23.660 She's at home, like, playing video games.
00:10:25.580 Like, what?
00:10:26.180 Why'd you make that video? 1.00
00:10:27.300 You're viral now for fucking saying we're poor. 1.00
00:10:30.900 All my friends think you're a fucking bitch. 1.00
00:10:33.500 I just want to play video games. 1.00
00:10:35.120 I'm going to move home with my mom.
00:10:39.140 That's every guy's threat.
00:10:40.880 I'm going to move home with my mom.
00:10:41.800 I can't remember.
00:10:42.360 Is that their threat?
00:10:43.580 What guy's threat?
00:10:44.340 That would be your threat if you were, like, in a relationship with a girl living in a place.
00:10:48.480 Yo, I'm going back to my mom's. 1.00
00:10:50.320 Oh, fuck you. 1.00
00:10:51.440 I'm going to go live with my mom again. 1.00
00:10:53.700 That's what Enonsiata does every weekend. 1.00
00:10:55.660 He just goes home and goes, Mama Mia.
00:10:57.760 Mom, make me a meatball. 0.99
00:11:00.600 I want to take it to us.
00:11:04.140 Why are you, like, stroking your hair now? 0.99
00:11:11.420 I'm going to have to take another fucking picture. 1.00
00:11:13.760 Do what you were just doing. 0.99
00:11:15.000 Oh, this guy's got a lot of split ends.
00:11:18.480 Split ends, yeah.
00:11:19.360 Jesus.
00:11:21.040 How about get a haircut? 1.00
00:11:22.100 You look like a fucking animal. 1.00
00:11:24.520 I look like out of shape Fabio. 1.00
00:11:28.440 You look like bad Fabio.
00:11:30.560 You look like Flubbio.
00:11:33.460 Hey, what is Flubber?
00:11:35.120 Flubbio.
00:11:39.200 Flubbio.
00:11:41.360 Yo, were you in a movie with Robin Williams?
00:11:43.120 Yo, that's my alcoholic.
00:11:44.220 He films my shows.
00:11:48.520 He has like eight beers.
00:11:49.000 Why'd you pour him a drink and now you're calling him an alcoholic?
00:11:51.960 I know. 0.96
00:11:52.700 You're such a piece. 0.99
00:11:54.100 You're the worst employer known to man. 1.00
00:11:56.900 Have a drink. 1.00
00:11:57.620 Oh, you're crazy. 1.00
00:11:58.440 You're having booze. 1.00
00:11:59.920 Yeah, show the gift he gave you again. 1.00
00:12:02.360 Look at this shit. 1.00
00:12:03.600 Oh, I thought it was Cool Whip. 1.00
00:12:05.200 But fuck. 1.00
00:12:05.920 I hate that. 1.00
00:12:08.220 As a kid, I hated that.
00:12:09.360 My parents did that. 0.98
00:12:10.320 They put like whatever, just random shit in these containers and I'd be like, what the 1.00
00:12:16.060 fuck, grandma? 1.00
00:12:17.880 And what was it? 1.00
00:12:18.600 What was in there?
00:12:19.380 Just like.
00:12:20.080 Babushkas? 1.00
00:12:21.040 Yeah, like a soup.
00:12:22.260 Like put soup in a Cool Whip container.
00:12:24.220 It's like, you can't do that. 1.00
00:12:25.380 That's fucking criminal. 1.00
00:12:27.060 Buy some containers. 1.00
00:12:28.260 Buy your goddamn mother some containers for God's sake. 1.00
00:12:30.660 That's all she wants for Christmas. 1.00
00:12:32.520 She's crying out for help, putting fucking soups and fucking Cool Whips. 1.00
00:12:36.660 And you're just like, thanks, ma. 1.00
00:12:38.340 You should be showing up with a bunch of Ziploc.
00:12:41.140 Ziploc bags.
00:12:43.920 Put it over her head. 1.00
00:12:46.860 A glad bag of your mother's head. 1.00
00:12:48.860 Just end the suffering. 1.00
00:12:50.800 Just take her out of fucking misery. 1.00
00:12:52.460 Look at these cutlets that dry. 1.00
00:12:54.680 The fucking cutlets are dry. 1.00
00:12:56.540 Put it down. 1.00
00:12:58.100 That's when Italians put their moms and seniors home. 1.00
00:13:00.340 That's when the cooking is bad.
00:13:02.520 Oh, what the hell is this meatball? 1.00
00:13:04.080 There's too many fucking. 1.00
00:13:05.300 Shallots. 1.00
00:13:06.260 Shallots ain't garlic. 1.00
00:13:07.200 What, you fucking stupid? 1.00
00:13:10.280 No, please. 1.00
00:13:10.980 We're getting good content out of this.
00:13:13.240 No, but back to the Cool Whip thing.
00:13:15.080 Yeah, that's a thing.
00:13:16.120 Like, I have a weird thing now where I only want good Tupperware.
00:13:20.880 Yeah?
00:13:21.280 The glass.
00:13:21.880 Because, like, as a kid, that was just too scarring. 0.99
00:13:26.500 Just fucking soup in a, in a, like a, Basel container. 0.99
00:13:32.880 Yeah, you just want Tupperware. 1.00
00:13:34.580 Margarine container?
00:13:35.380 Oh, the worst.
00:13:35.940 You just want nice Tupperware, eh?
00:13:37.500 That's when you know you made it.
00:13:39.060 I like nice Tupperware.
00:13:39.860 Because, honestly, I don't even think anything should be put, like, I don't think anything
00:13:43.220 should be saved.
00:13:44.260 Like, I don't really, like, unless it's, like, unless it's expensive.
00:13:49.980 Like, you go out at the keg or you go to somewhere and you have, like, save a little bit of food.
00:13:54.480 Yeah.
00:13:55.580 But if you're just baking, like, pasta and saving it for, like, two, like, that's just
00:13:59.420 bad.
00:14:00.020 Just throw it out.
00:14:01.300 Not pat, like, that was a dig at your mom.
00:14:06.240 That was a dig at all Italian people.
00:14:09.300 Oh, if you're made.
00:14:10.540 No, Italian people don't, no. 0.99
00:14:11.460 If I was Italian, that's different, because they actually make good pasta.
00:14:14.400 So you have beef with leftovers? 0.99
00:14:16.140 I'm just, yeah, like, people who, like, save hamburger, help her in, like, a fucking. 1.00
00:14:21.660 Yeah, that's bullshit. 1.00
00:14:23.200 Yeah, that's some bullshit. 1.00
00:14:24.380 Yeah. 1.00
00:14:25.240 Yeah. 1.00
00:14:26.020 Just throw the fucking food at the camera. 1.00
00:14:29.400 Just pour it in. 1.00
00:14:30.180 That's a good soft food.
00:14:31.140 Dude, I'm going to eat all of this food and be like, this is great, and then call you the
00:14:34.200 next day and be like, oh, my God, I have diarrhea.
00:14:36.920 I feel sick.
00:14:37.820 Your mom undercooked everything because she's 80.
00:14:39.880 Jesus. 1.00
00:14:41.620 This guy's online going, Joe Biden's an idiot. 1.00
00:14:44.020 Mom, do my taxes. 1.00
00:14:46.720 Mom, do my taxes. 1.00
00:14:48.740 Does your mom do your taxes, Mike?
00:14:50.800 No.
00:14:51.380 No.
00:14:51.560 Mom, make me a meatball. 0.99
00:14:57.820 Mom, I want a meatball sub from Subway.
00:15:01.500 Mom, you know meatball subs from Subway?
00:15:03.200 Can you make that?
00:15:04.280 Cool.
00:15:04.660 Coming home this weekend.
00:15:05.580 Mom, you making a cold good combo? 1.00
00:15:06.860 Honestly, that could be a mean sandwich if you just put all this shit. 0.99
00:15:11.520 Like, you know those videos where the guys have those mega wide set? 0.99
00:15:14.180 The mega sandwiches? 0.99
00:15:14.980 Yeah, and they just put, like, every fucking, like, it's just retarded. 1.00
00:15:20.020 Then it takes them, like, five hours to make it. 1.00
00:15:22.840 They, like, fucking deep fry. 1.00
00:15:25.020 They do all this shit to it, and then they just take, like, one bite. 1.00
00:15:27.300 Yeah. 0.99
00:15:27.900 And then it's just like, yeah.
00:15:29.280 You couldn't even, yeah, you can't even eat that. 1.00
00:15:31.260 Like, you could feed, like, a fucking football team. 1.00
00:15:34.820 You could feed one Ben Bankers. 1.00
00:15:38.460 Could feed me one meal.
00:15:39.960 Oh, yeah, if you were on that video, you would eat the whole thing.
00:15:44.460 It's like, look at all the wasted food.
00:15:49.440 Take a bite, bro.
00:15:50.460 You know what I mean?
00:15:52.900 Eat the sausage.
00:15:53.480 I want to eat the sausage.
00:15:54.520 Eat the sausage.
00:15:55.600 Really? 1.00
00:15:55.880 I got a fucking zen in. 0.97
00:15:57.240 Hey, guys, it's me, Ben Bankers, and I am going on tour, not only to the USA, 0.98
00:16:02.040 but we are finishing up touring Canada until the fall, and you got to go get tickets.
00:16:07.240 Come see me live in Edmonton, March 27th, Halifax, April 8th, Amherst, Nova Scotia,
00:16:13.640 April 10th, Fredericton, New Brunswick, April 11th, Sydney, Nova Scotia, April 11th, 12th.
00:16:20.780 12th.
00:16:21.540 12th.
00:16:24.640 Wow, these zins are good. 1.00
00:16:28.280 Yeah, these are the new, this would be a good sponsor, actually.
00:16:31.280 Zonic?
00:16:31.980 Yeah.
00:16:32.380 Yeah.
00:16:33.180 Zonic. 0.94
00:16:33.620 Zonic, this is like the Canadian zin pod. 0.97
00:16:36.900 Well, it's actually from Sweden.
00:16:38.220 Is it?
00:16:38.660 Zonic?
00:16:39.080 Yeah.
00:16:39.680 You never read the package?
00:16:40.680 No.
00:16:41.360 So they have these in the States, then, too?
00:16:44.180 Probably, yeah.
00:16:44.780 Maybe it's competing with zin. 1.00
00:16:46.620 Probably.
00:16:47.740 Originally from Sweden, it says.
00:16:49.540 Oh, so maybe it is from Canada.
00:16:51.640 Where is it actually from?
00:16:54.080 Mississauga.
00:16:57.220 How to use zonic?
00:16:58.800 Use one pouch at a time. 1.00
00:17:00.440 Put it up your ass. 1.00
00:17:01.400 For up to an hour. 1.00
00:17:03.960 Harmful of swallowed.
00:17:05.640 Oh, I've just been swallowing this.
00:17:07.680 Not.
00:17:08.320 Oh. 1.00
00:17:08.520 If you swallow the whole fucking thing. 1.00
00:17:09.540 Oh. 1.00
00:17:10.420 I've just been eating them.
00:17:13.780 Oh, that's pretty good. 0.99
00:17:14.860 Oh, I break it open, I fucking rail it. 0.98
00:17:18.200 Is that bloat? 0.99
00:17:19.000 No, it's not. 1.00
00:17:19.500 Oh, shove it up my ass. 1.00
00:17:20.720 Oh, that's a zin pod. 1.00
00:17:22.460 What if you put these in a girl's pussy? 1.00
00:17:23.940 She'd go crazy. 1.00
00:17:26.540 She'd probably get infected and die. 0.99
00:17:29.260 That's what I said.
00:17:29.960 Well, there's like, you want to use a tampon or you want to use a zin? 0.93
00:17:34.320 Zin pod. 0.69
00:17:35.520 Zin pod would be funny. 0.99
00:17:36.460 Zin pod is a good sketch.
00:17:37.900 Zin tampons. 0.77
00:17:39.360 Every sketch.
00:17:40.220 I just do one sketch every three months.
00:17:41.980 It's always about tampons.
00:17:43.720 I think you're, what is he trying to tell us?
00:17:45.600 I was watching this awful, like, I, I, like, Netflix knows how lazy you are now, so if
00:17:55.720 you're just watching Netflix and then you're on the couch and whatever you chose ends, they
00:18:01.440 just show you a random, like, movie.
00:18:03.500 Yeah. 0.97
00:18:03.980 And if you're just, like, me, I can never find the fucking controller for my TV. 0.95
00:18:08.580 I can never find anything. 0.96
00:18:10.160 The PS5 controller's not charged.
00:18:12.640 I'm lying there.
00:18:13.540 I'm fat.
00:18:14.120 I just ate a shawarma lying down vertically. 1.00
00:18:17.460 I'm not getting up to fucking change it, so I just, we watched a whole fucking movie 0.99
00:18:21.480 that was just because I was fat. 0.99
00:18:23.860 My 600-son life.
00:18:25.420 No, it's this, it's this movie about this woman who works at this company and she, like, 0.99
00:18:29.520 fucks the guy. 0.98
00:18:31.020 It was just, like, some woman movie, but it was just, she, at one point, she, she, like, 1.00
00:18:36.860 the guy, like, something falls out of her pocket.
00:18:39.740 He's like, what's this, a shot glass?
00:18:41.320 And she's like, oh, no, that's my zippy cup, or, like, my diva cup.
00:18:45.740 Oh.
00:18:46.280 And, like, she's like, tampons are bad for the environment. 1.00
00:18:49.120 Like, there's so much weird stuff in movies now where they just randomly say shit like 0.99
00:18:52.980 that. 0.90
00:18:53.540 Tampons are weird for the environment.
00:18:55.780 And you're like, oh, I thought this was mission impossible.
00:18:59.660 Take it out.
00:19:00.380 Are you wearing a diva cup?
00:19:03.700 Have you ever had to take a girl's tampon out? 0.98
00:19:06.080 No. 1.00
00:19:07.800 What the fuck? 1.00
00:19:10.800 Yeah, like, what? 1.00
00:19:11.980 Like, defuse the bomb? 0.97
00:19:14.080 Was it fucking an episode of 24? 0.99
00:19:16.660 Oh, Jack Bauer. 1.00
00:19:18.620 Take this tampon out. 1.00
00:19:19.460 No, you wanted to fuck her, and you're like, oh, that's in there. 1.00
00:19:22.160 No, she'll usually, she'll be like, oh, I'm on my period, and I'll be like, oh, take care 0.99
00:19:25.760 of that and come back.
00:19:27.060 I'm not me.
00:19:27.820 I'm not, like, oh, this is the best part. 1.00
00:19:33.180 Fuck. 1.00
00:19:35.060 Fuck. 1.00
00:19:36.860 Have you done that? 1.00
00:19:38.760 Hell yeah.
00:19:39.680 Ew.
00:19:40.700 What? 1.00
00:19:41.400 Fucking gross. 1.00
00:19:43.000 Wasn't, this guy's gay. 1.00
00:19:45.120 Yeah, that's gay. 1.00
00:19:45.920 Yeah, you take a girl's tampon out? 1.00
00:19:48.360 Like, at a certain point, you just.
00:19:51.200 Like, how long have you been with the girl?
00:19:52.860 It was a first date?
00:19:56.080 Yeah.
00:19:56.520 Just got to know you?
00:19:57.520 Oh.
00:19:57.780 What was that?
00:19:58.320 What was this do?
00:19:59.240 Oh, let me check your oil.
00:20:02.680 You just see it hanging out.
00:20:04.320 Oh, take it to Midas. 1.00
00:20:05.860 What the fuck? 1.00
00:20:07.980 Oh, baby, you gotta go to Jiffy Loop. 1.00
00:20:10.440 Ew, what the fuck is wrong with you? 0.99
00:20:12.200 No. 1.00
00:20:13.500 Never. 0.99
00:20:13.900 I've fucked girls on their period, but I've never taken the tampon out. 1.00
00:20:17.140 Once this girl had her tampon, like, get stuck in her vagina or something. 1.00
00:20:22.860 Or, like, I fucked her, and, like, it was, she was like, oh, no, it was in. 1.00
00:20:25.840 Bro, how small is your dick? 1.00
00:20:27.240 I got through that. 1.00
00:20:29.360 The fuck? 1.00
00:20:30.200 You fucked her with the tampon in, bro? 1.00
00:20:33.400 What the fuck? 1.00
00:20:35.460 This guy's like. 1.00
00:20:41.400 That's the end of the episode.
00:20:43.760 Oh, and that's why Ahmed's not coming to the U.S.
00:20:45.840 I don't think it, I, honestly, I think that anybody could.
00:20:49.440 You just smushed it in, right?
00:20:50.960 I think it was more, like, the opposite. 0.76
00:20:53.680 Was she a big poos? 1.00
00:20:54.980 Yeah, or something. 0.97
00:20:56.280 Her, the tampon was just in there like a Zin pot in your mouth. 1.00
00:21:00.380 You know, push it to the side.
00:21:04.280 Well, they get used to it, I imagine. 1.00
00:21:05.780 How do you forget something's in your vagina? 1.00
00:21:08.840 That's what, that's what every girl does when you fucked them. 1.00
00:21:11.380 Oh, thanks for filming this one. 1.00
00:21:17.080 Thanks for your mom's cooking.
00:21:18.860 This guy's mom's food. 0.99
00:21:19.920 They're like, you, every girl that you ever fucked, I don't forget about that. 1.00
00:21:25.760 Had to have sex with the first president of the United States. 0.99
00:21:28.940 Gross topic. 0.98
00:21:29.960 No, it's not.
00:21:30.860 But I mean, kind of.
00:21:31.760 So, yeah, you had to fish the tampon out of her. 1.00
00:21:33.760 Yeah, she was like, oh, my God, it's stuck in there.
00:21:36.240 I can't get it out.
00:21:37.300 Yeah, she would have gotten toxo, whatever.
00:21:39.040 So I had to put on, like, the glove from Jurassic Park when they look in the poop. 1.00
00:21:44.340 That's a, it's a big pile of shit. 1.00
00:21:46.420 Yeah. 1.00
00:21:48.860 Got it. 1.00
00:21:49.440 Put your whole hand in her pussy. 1.00
00:21:51.380 To like here. 1.00
00:21:52.400 Whoa.
00:21:53.240 I'm just kidding.
00:21:54.000 I'm just kidding.
00:21:54.740 I'm kidding.
00:21:55.360 I'm kidding.
00:21:56.420 Imagine.
00:21:57.020 Let me find it.
00:21:58.520 Just fist in.
00:21:58.980 What is that?
00:22:01.060 Pull out of your. 0.99
00:22:01.540 That is your heart. 0.66
00:22:03.320 Ripped out your spine.
00:22:06.000 I'm Ripper's. 0.95
00:22:07.560 Fatality.
00:22:09.040 Yeah, that's crazy, though.
00:22:11.620 No, it was like, yeah, it was like all tucked up in the side or whatever.
00:22:14.420 It's like the ultimate claw game.
00:22:15.800 The arcade. 1.00
00:22:17.620 You should see this guy's pussy game. 1.00
00:22:19.480 You found a tumb on in there. 1.00
00:22:22.220 That's nuts.
00:22:22.900 What did you guys do after?
00:22:23.920 Did you just never talk again?
00:22:26.820 Had a kid? 1.00
00:22:28.760 No, I was like in the fuck house. 1.00
00:22:30.200 High school. 1.00
00:22:36.280 That's young.
00:22:37.920 I had to go through that.
00:22:40.060 Or it made me gay. 1.00
00:22:41.880 That was like my third vagina. 1.00
00:22:44.580 Yeah. 1.00
00:22:45.320 The same girl like cut my dick once by accident with her mouth. 1.00
00:22:48.680 Ooh. 1.00
00:22:50.240 Before or after this incident?
00:22:51.640 Uh, I don't remember.
00:22:55.260 It's traumatic.
00:22:56.420 Yeah. 1.00
00:22:56.760 It's because he had traumatic things happen to his penis. 1.00
00:23:00.400 It's because of the worst luck. 1.00
00:23:05.360 I had to, I remember I was just like so, I was like my dick. 0.99
00:23:09.140 I was like. 0.99
00:23:09.740 Is it bleeding?
00:23:10.280 It's not hard.
00:23:11.020 Yeah.
00:23:11.440 Anymore.
00:23:11.940 And then I was just bleeding.
00:23:13.680 Look bad.
00:23:14.560 And then I ran into my mom's room.
00:23:18.200 That's why she got dementia to forget this. 1.00
00:23:20.540 I was like, forget that shit. 0.99
00:23:26.720 Quick, get Mike and Nunziata's grab on here. 1.00
00:23:29.060 Maybe pour this into a yogurt cup or sauce.
00:23:35.300 That's what the sausage is.
00:23:36.800 I'm going to piss my pants. 1.00
00:23:41.160 Oh, shit. 1.00
00:23:42.280 Yeah. 1.00
00:23:42.600 Yeah, it was, it was scary. 1.00
00:23:45.100 That is, I've cut my dick before. 1.00
00:23:46.920 It is scary. 1.00
00:23:47.620 Put like news.
00:23:47.960 You don't have sex for like.
00:23:50.240 I mean, I still kind of figure it out.
00:23:52.040 It was my, when I did it.
00:23:53.120 Ow, ow. 1.00
00:23:53.600 It was like at the base.
00:23:54.660 I just didn't use like that part.
00:23:57.160 Oh, you got, that's a little different.
00:23:58.600 Yeah.
00:23:58.760 Yeah.
00:23:59.120 Like yours was probably like what?
00:24:00.540 At the tip?
00:24:02.160 Slice it right open.
00:24:03.300 Ooh. 0.58
00:24:03.520 Right off the whole head.
00:24:04.780 Whoa.
00:24:05.560 I have no head.
00:24:06.460 No, I just can't imagine.
00:24:07.700 Yeah, I can. 1.00
00:24:08.540 This guy's got like Weinstein penis in that jar. 1.00
00:24:18.660 Cool whip Weinstein. 1.00
00:24:20.480 Cool Weinstein.
00:24:21.240 We can't post any of this.
00:24:22.500 Why not?
00:24:24.160 This is good content.
00:24:25.900 I know.
00:24:26.060 My U.S. tour starts May 8th in Boston, everybody.
00:24:30.040 Go get tickets.
00:24:30.960 May 8th in Boston.
00:24:32.220 Detroit, May 9th.
00:24:33.760 Red Bank, New Jersey, May 10th.
00:24:35.600 Portland, Maine, May 11th.
00:24:37.380 New York City, May 12th.
00:24:38.800 Orlando, May 14th.
00:24:40.340 Tampa, May 15th.
00:24:42.020 Dania Beach, Florida, May 16th.
00:24:43.880 Syracuse, New York, May 19th.
00:24:46.020 Philadelphia, May 20th.
00:24:47.740 Buffalo, May 21st.
00:24:49.560 Albany, New York, May 23rd.
00:24:51.760 More dates are being added right now along the West Coast,
00:24:54.960 as well as in the middle of the states, Chicago, et cetera.
00:24:58.640 So go get your tickets now.
00:25:01.060 BenBankist.com.
00:25:02.320 And we're back.
00:25:03.140 It's the Bankist Show.
00:25:04.100 The best show.
00:25:05.940 The best show that you're going to watch in the time that it takes you to watch.
00:25:10.240 Are you Chinese?
00:25:11.460 Do you rock a tiny people? 0.60
00:25:17.960 Why are you making your teeth look like it's so Chinese? 1.00
00:25:22.960 Chinese.
00:25:23.560 I don't know how to describe it.
00:25:25.380 It's a Chinese face.
00:25:32.560 My mom used to do that. 1.00
00:25:36.160 When there was a kid in my class named Howard Dong.
00:25:39.220 And she'd go,
00:25:39.940 Oh, Howard Dong.
00:25:44.240 Oh, Howard Dong.
00:25:45.680 In business class.
00:25:49.800 Like a 37-year-old.
00:25:52.000 He was 14.
00:25:55.080 Oh, my name is Howard Dong.
00:25:57.260 Because he would have to say,
00:25:58.480 like you'd go around the class on the first day.
00:26:00.560 Oh, yeah, yeah.
00:26:01.000 What's he doing there?
00:26:01.620 Howard Dong. 1.00
00:26:03.420 That guy's probably a fucking billionaire. 1.00
00:26:06.160 Yeah, he's straight up worth. 1.00
00:26:07.580 He's probably driving a McLaren right now, dude.
00:26:09.760 I'm just like,
00:26:10.860 We only need 10 more minutes of the podcast.
00:26:12.800 Do the Chinese accent. 0.98
00:26:14.720 It kind of just sounds like a retarded Chinese person. 0.99
00:26:19.800 Yeah. 0.99
00:26:20.460 Well, that's like your joke.
00:26:21.320 You have that bit.
00:26:24.040 I went to TNT today.
00:26:25.620 They were pissed when they had to speak English to me at the cash.
00:26:30.260 Well, they were pissed you were.
00:26:31.040 Oh, you have your TNT card?
00:26:34.600 Your royalty card?
00:26:38.760 I said no.
00:26:40.280 You should have signed up.
00:26:41.400 She was like,
00:26:42.180 Oh, then you're going to have to pay extra for the cracker.
00:26:47.400 You're going to have to pay $2 instead of $2.
00:26:51.200 $9 to $10.
00:26:54.580 Yeah, you called me today because you were outside the TNT.
00:26:58.700 You sounded like a kid at Disney World.
00:27:00.520 Yeah.
00:27:00.740 You were like,
00:27:01.220 Bro, there's so much ready-made food here.
00:27:04.680 There's so much food.
00:27:06.940 It's so bad.
00:27:07.800 I just ate the TNT and then fell asleep for six hours.
00:27:11.040 What did you see today?
00:27:11.860 You said you saw an old man nervously look around
00:27:15.500 and then run into a rub and tug in that same strip mall. 1.00
00:27:18.060 Yeah. 0.99
00:27:18.560 Dumb about that. 0.99
00:27:19.260 He was in the car next to me when I got into my car to leave 0.99
00:27:22.280 and he was just staring at the rub and tug.
00:27:26.120 And then beside the rub and tug, 0.99
00:27:28.100 there's a place just like a wholesale go buy pots and pans and shit. 0.98
00:27:33.220 And so he looks like he's walking towards it 0.98
00:27:35.540 and then at the last second he just turns like this
00:27:38.060 and goes right into the rub and tug.
00:27:40.360 And you just see him open the door.
00:27:42.480 So it's not even like he looks back.
00:27:44.480 He's just like,
00:27:44.960 I'm in.
00:27:46.200 And just the door closing behind him.
00:27:47.980 It's like Indiana Jones escaping the Temple of Doom.
00:27:52.400 Yeah.
00:27:52.600 It's like,
00:27:53.620 oh God,
00:27:54.260 it's only 2 p.m.
00:27:55.500 Am I really going in there?
00:27:56.500 He's trying not to think about his kids. 1.00
00:27:58.280 Fuck, 1.00
00:27:58.600 maybe I should just go to TNT. 1.00
00:27:59.800 I'm just running to TNT.
00:28:01.260 Going to go get some duck legs.
00:28:02.960 Yeah.
00:28:03.500 It's just a white husband just like, 0.94
00:28:05.820 no,
00:28:05.980 we need more Xinjiang sauce from the TNT.
00:28:08.780 I got to go back.
00:28:10.480 Oh,
00:28:10.720 we're out of Xinjiang?
00:28:11.480 Yeah, 0.99
00:28:11.920 we need more fucking sharpie legs. 1.00
00:28:17.200 Oh, 1.00
00:28:17.920 we're out of crab legs for breakfast?
00:28:19.480 We need chow chow paws. 1.00
00:28:21.920 Oh,
00:28:22.340 we need puppy dog paws and tails. 1.00
00:28:24.540 I got to go buy cats and ducks.
00:28:26.940 It would be funny because,
00:28:28.380 you know,
00:28:28.620 they do have a couple of cuts of meat on their like,
00:28:31.080 in their dally where it's like,
00:28:33.720 oh,
00:28:33.900 that's a pork loin.
00:28:34.940 It's like,
00:28:35.260 that's a cat. 1.00
00:28:37.280 Just like a fucking cat. 1.00
00:28:39.420 And you're like, 1.00
00:28:39.720 oh,
00:28:39.840 that's pork. 0.99
00:28:40.460 They just, 1.00
00:28:40.800 you know how they have like the fucking aquarium with all the fish and shit. 1.00
00:28:44.760 They just have dead cats in the water. 1.00
00:28:50.180 Sewer cats.
00:28:51.500 Chained to the bottom.
00:28:52.660 Jesus Christ.
00:28:54.460 God,
00:28:54.780 there's so much food here. 1.00
00:28:57.020 Was that a cat in a fucking pool? 1.00
00:28:58.740 Would you eat dog? 1.00
00:28:59.500 Would you eat dog or cat?
00:29:00.560 If you were in China, 0.93
00:29:01.340 would you try it?
00:29:02.500 I feel like you would.
00:29:03.240 I mean,
00:29:03.620 if I didn't know what it was.
00:29:05.360 No,
00:29:05.620 you're going to know what it was.
00:29:06.380 Like,
00:29:06.600 if you,
00:29:06.920 obviously not.
00:29:07.900 No?
00:29:08.520 Like,
00:29:08.740 I'd have to be deep.
00:29:09.580 I would have had to be there for like three weeks.
00:29:11.520 I'd be like,
00:29:11.820 oh,
00:29:12.040 I guess.
00:29:12.300 Three weeks?
00:29:12.740 That's all it takes.
00:29:14.820 That's a deep.
00:29:16.300 I'd have to be like three hours or something.
00:29:19.460 Lay over.
00:29:21.260 Three hours into China.
00:29:22.620 We just ate a dog's head.
00:29:23.900 Yeah,
00:29:26.540 you got to save that for the end of the vacation.
00:29:28.660 You can't like blow your load right away.
00:29:30.680 I was going to go to Barcelona.
00:29:32.160 I was like, 1.00
00:29:32.420 fuck it, 1.00
00:29:32.660 I'm going to Wuhan. 1.00
00:29:33.640 I'm going to eat a bat's brains. 0.99
00:29:36.900 I want to stay at home again. 1.00
00:29:38.420 Holy shit, 1.00
00:29:38.940 they got TNT here. 0.99
00:29:40.500 Everywhere it's the same.
00:29:41.660 Yo,
00:29:41.840 this whole country's TNT.
00:29:46.700 Where's the ready-made food?
00:29:47.760 Why do I always have to wait for you to boil a rabbit head?
00:29:51.960 Just asking random Chinese people,
00:29:54.360 where's your food?
00:29:56.140 What do I order?
00:29:57.180 I swear my mom used to say they boiled rat eggs.
00:30:00.900 They probably just like,
00:30:02.660 do rats?
00:30:03.700 Rats don't lay eggs.
00:30:04.840 Yeah,
00:30:05.080 I was going to say they're mammals.
00:30:06.140 But that's why it's racist. 0.99
00:30:07.360 Rat eggs. 1.00
00:30:08.300 Chinese rats. 1.00
00:30:08.980 What the hell are you eating a bunch of rat eggs? 1.00
00:30:11.040 I'm sorry? 0.99
00:30:12.900 Chicken fetus?
00:30:13.780 Isn't that just an egg?
00:30:15.980 Oh.
00:30:17.660 Chicken fetus?
00:30:19.780 I would eat that before a dog.
00:30:21.700 Yeah,
00:30:22.020 I would eat that before a dog too.
00:30:24.080 Like,
00:30:24.720 yeah.
00:30:25.160 But I would have like,
00:30:25.860 that's like,
00:30:26.100 oh,
00:30:26.340 you don't like a dog?
00:30:27.460 That's like appetizer.
00:30:28.780 Most Chinese people don't eat dogs,
00:30:30.420 I feel like.
00:30:30.900 No.
00:30:31.980 I hope not.
00:30:32.400 A small minority are like,
00:30:34.200 I love to eat dogs.
00:30:35.700 The Chinese version of trans is just people eating dogs? 1.00
00:30:41.200 That's really funny.
00:30:41.880 We need to protect the doggy too.
00:30:43.900 Oh,
00:30:44.240 what are your pronouns?
00:30:45.200 Woof,
00:30:45.400 woof.
00:30:45.640 Oh,
00:30:45.920 my pronouns are woof,
00:30:47.140 woof.
00:30:49.580 Bow wow.
00:30:52.180 Chow wow. 1.00
00:30:53.940 Chow down.
00:30:54.780 Oh,
00:30:55.020 this is chow men.
00:30:56.020 Oh,
00:30:56.640 sometimes I eat the dog,
00:30:58.160 sometimes I eat the shark fin soup.
00:31:00.440 Yo,
00:31:00.660 shark fin soup sounds sick.
00:31:01.920 I would eat shark.
00:31:02.320 I've had that.
00:31:03.040 Yeah?
00:31:03.580 Yeah,
00:31:04.000 as a kid.
00:31:04.820 Where?
00:31:05.280 In Toronto?
00:31:06.360 My dad worked with a Chinese classical guitarist.
00:31:11.180 His name was Alvin.
00:31:12.400 Tommy Lee?
00:31:14.060 Oh,
00:31:14.640 Alvin.
00:31:16.020 No,
00:31:16.340 and he,
00:31:16.740 he had like a wedding and we went,
00:31:20.140 I went to it and there was like shark fin soup.
00:31:22.420 It was like a big Chinese wedding.
00:31:24.760 And they have like a five course, 1.00
00:31:26.300 they have like a fucking 10 course meal. 1.00
00:31:28.280 It's like crazy. 1.00
00:31:29.100 Like it was like in some banquet hall in Markham.
00:31:31.660 Mandarin.
00:31:32.020 Is that a man?
00:31:36.400 Is that a TNT grocery store?
00:31:38.720 I got married in the fish market.
00:31:44.640 Oh,
00:31:45.240 it smells just right,
00:31:46.120 my wife.
00:31:50.720 It looks like my wife.
00:31:52.240 My Chinese wife poses Malrake.
00:31:56.560 So does her hand from cooking to fish all day. 0.98
00:31:59.620 There's all these like videos on fucking like Instagram reels or whatever, 0.98
00:32:08.360 where it's like a Chinese woman cleaning, 1.00
00:32:10.200 but like sped up.
00:32:11.900 But it's always,
00:32:12.700 it's like for a product.
00:32:13.820 It's like selling.
00:32:14.540 It's like,
00:32:14.840 like she's like washing her clothes in like a,
00:32:17.280 in like a cup.
00:32:19.120 Like they have like some,
00:32:20.140 like they have like these mini washing machines in China.
00:32:22.700 That's cool.
00:32:25.160 You only got tied to go.
00:32:27.240 You don't have like a washing machine.
00:32:29.360 Plug in a mini washing machine in the middle of the club.
00:32:32.300 I like Chinese people though.
00:32:36.260 They're cool.
00:32:36.980 Like I felt,
00:32:37.960 I felt very safe and like,
00:32:41.040 like it was almost like one white person there kind of made all the Chinese
00:32:43.920 people chill out.
00:32:44.800 Like,
00:32:44.940 they're like,
00:32:45.240 okay.
00:32:46.180 Well,
00:32:46.360 no,
00:32:46.620 we're in China.
00:32:47.320 What do you think,
00:32:47.680 what do you think it was?
00:32:48.560 A secret police station?
00:32:50.420 TNT in the basement?
00:32:52.320 No,
00:32:52.740 they liked it.
00:32:53.260 They're like,
00:32:53.620 Oh,
00:32:53.980 he got the typical white person food.
00:32:57.420 He got the safest food.
00:32:59.760 He got to arrive.
00:33:00.840 Crab.
00:33:01.520 Yeah.
00:33:01.720 Sorry.
00:33:02.100 I don't want to buy food that looks like it's from most. 0.99
00:33:03.920 It's fucked up. 0.99
00:33:04.460 Cause like, 1.00
00:33:04.820 I wouldn't even cook a live crab,
00:33:06.200 but I just want to like buy,
00:33:07.300 like when you see live crab like that and other.
00:33:10.200 Once you have it as a pet.
00:33:11.300 Fresh foods.
00:33:11.700 Like I just want to like buy them.
00:33:13.640 Why don't you just make them fight each other? 0.52
00:33:15.420 It would be pretty funny if I just had a crab like,
00:33:17.400 like Pokemon set right now.
00:33:19.120 Just holding a crab.
00:33:20.440 Make it bite you.
00:33:22.960 Yo, 0.87
00:33:23.340 we bought a crab and just die because it's not in water.
00:33:25.900 They don't have to be in water.
00:33:27.140 Do they?
00:33:27.700 Yeah.
00:33:29.340 No.
00:33:30.940 Lobsters do.
00:33:31.580 No,
00:33:31.920 they do,
00:33:32.460 bro.
00:33:32.780 They don't survive out of water,
00:33:34.460 bro.
00:33:35.340 Oh,
00:33:36.400 yeah.
00:33:37.060 Like walk around for a second.
00:33:38.780 I know. 1.00
00:33:39.120 Fucking. 1.00
00:33:41.700 What's up? 1.00
00:33:42.360 It's not like a hermit crab that I thought crabs were just,
00:33:45.080 they could just lurk.
00:33:45.780 Yo,
00:33:45.920 I thought I saw a crab on a TTC yesterday.
00:33:50.300 I saw a crab at the airport.
00:33:51.840 What about?
00:33:52.340 Yo,
00:33:52.500 you going to Paris too?
00:33:53.820 You going to Paris,
00:33:54.480 Paris?
00:33:54.800 Yo,
00:33:55.100 I'm digging my crab.
00:33:55.920 You going to Paris,
00:33:56.500 Paris,
00:33:56.760 Paris,
00:33:56.900 or Paris,
00:33:57.360 Texas?
00:33:58.740 Going to Paris,
00:33:59.500 Ontario.
00:34:01.660 It's kind of funny.
00:34:02.400 You're going to Paris.
00:34:03.120 I'm going to Texas and there's a bar in Toronto called Paris,
00:34:05.700 Texas.
00:34:06.240 Oh, 0.86
00:34:06.360 that is pretty sick.
00:34:07.500 Yeah.
00:34:08.840 Yo,
00:34:08.980 where are you going?
00:34:09.440 Paris?
00:34:09.780 Where's your boy going?
00:34:10.740 Texas?
00:34:11.280 Oh, 1.00
00:34:11.620 shit. 1.00
00:34:12.080 No, 1.00
00:34:12.320 you guys should start a bar.
00:34:13.260 We should go to Paris,
00:34:13.900 Texas.
00:34:16.780 Bring a crab.
00:34:19.300 No,
00:34:19.680 but you do want to buy them.
00:34:20.640 Like part of me wanted to just like boil a crab.
00:34:23.720 Seeing it there.
00:34:26.060 I like to eat it.
00:34:27.740 It's just crazy how many they have and like how many of them are just
00:34:30.940 definitely not getting bought.
00:34:32.660 No,
00:34:32.880 they're getting bought.
00:34:34.160 I don't know.
00:34:34.800 They have a lot of live crab,
00:34:36.340 bro.
00:34:36.640 Yeah,
00:34:36.820 but they live for,
00:34:37.640 they just,
00:34:38.080 okay,
00:34:38.600 well,
00:34:38.980 you buy the,
00:34:39.840 it's not like it goes on fresh.
00:34:41.580 It's just alive longer.
00:34:43.800 It's just an older crab.
00:34:45.160 The restaurants buy from TNT?
00:34:46.840 The Chinese ones? 1.00
00:34:48.500 Oh,
00:34:48.880 the Italian ones,
00:34:49.580 bro. 1.00
00:34:50.880 Fuck you think? 1.00
00:34:52.720 French restaurants. 1.00
00:34:53.280 Girl,
00:34:53.420 can your mom make me a crab leg? 0.99
00:34:56.300 Does she make seafood ever? 1.00
00:35:00.720 Why?
00:35:01.260 Because it's Jesus?
00:35:03.540 Jesus.
00:35:04.260 Christmas Eve,
00:35:04.860 seafood,
00:35:05.320 why?
00:35:06.760 You can't have meat for,
00:35:08.180 because you're Christian
00:35:09.220 and you might think about it.
00:35:10.480 Bro. 0.90
00:35:11.400 What a bad religion. 0.98
00:35:12.740 Spinnin' dread off. 0.98
00:35:15.220 Pray to Allah.
00:35:16.280 Yeah.
00:35:17.740 You can do anything in Islam,
00:35:20.040 really.
00:35:22.260 Yeah,
00:35:22.740 just ask any Muslim guy from Toronto.
00:35:24.960 Yo,
00:35:25.160 I do everything.
00:35:26.220 Yo,
00:35:26.560 bottle service,
00:35:27.420 that's haram.
00:35:28.640 I still do it.
00:35:29.760 Or rob people at gunpoint?
00:35:32.640 That's what makes it more fun.
00:35:33.680 That's harambe.
00:35:34.500 Because you know what's wrong.
00:35:37.480 It's like ordering food late.
00:35:39.680 My favorite part of being Muslim
00:35:40.940 is eating food.
00:35:43.600 Made by somebody's mom. 0.74
00:35:46.540 Yeah,
00:35:46.960 can your mom make some food?
00:35:49.120 She could,
00:35:49.840 but...
00:35:50.300 I want to eat some of her lentil soup 1.00
00:35:51.800 or some shit. 1.00
00:35:52.520 She doesn't make lentil soup. 1.00
00:35:53.660 What the fuck does she make? 1.00
00:35:55.160 No, 1.00
00:35:55.480 it makes like Persian food.
00:35:56.800 Persian?
00:35:57.260 Like what?
00:35:58.100 Like gourmet sabzi.
00:35:59.640 It's like...
00:35:59.860 Ugh.
00:36:00.780 What the hell is that? 0.85
00:36:01.580 It's like a stew
00:36:02.660 with rice.
00:36:04.200 She just makes... 1.00
00:36:05.020 So she makes very basic shit. 1.00
00:36:06.760 No, 1.00
00:36:07.080 it's not basic.
00:36:07.880 It's just...
00:36:08.620 It's hard to explain.
00:36:09.560 I don't really know what's in it.
00:36:10.820 I could show you a photo.
00:36:12.020 Do you take photos of the food she makes?
00:36:15.600 No.
00:36:16.380 Why not?
00:36:17.020 Because I'm...
00:36:17.900 I'm spoiled.
00:36:19.380 Wow.
00:36:19.940 I just...
00:36:20.300 I'm like,
00:36:20.560 whoa,
00:36:20.660 that's there.
00:36:21.840 I used to always take pictures of food
00:36:23.500 my mom would make.
00:36:25.180 No,
00:36:25.480 I feel like I should
00:36:26.240 because it's like that. 1.00
00:36:28.300 Looks like shit. 1.00
00:36:30.460 Literally looks like somebody took a shit. 1.00
00:36:32.220 All right, 0.99
00:36:32.560 well,
00:36:32.940 that's why I don't bring you any of her food, 1.00
00:36:35.100 you piece of shit. 1.00
00:36:36.760 I want to eat some of your mom's diarrhea soup. 1.00
00:36:39.440 The fuck? 1.00
00:36:41.160 You're like, 1.00
00:36:41.540 shit on this guy's mom's cooking for 20 minutes. 1.00
00:36:45.420 Yeah. 1.00
00:36:47.640 My mom can't cook. 1.00
00:36:49.240 She can,
00:36:49.840 just she'd probably
00:36:50.540 light herself on fire.
00:36:52.840 No,
00:36:52.960 she really can't.
00:36:53.840 Even when she was...
00:36:55.180 She eats like... 0.95
00:36:56.200 Sentient?
00:36:56.960 She eats...
00:36:57.800 Puree.
00:37:00.540 Oh.
00:37:01.340 She eats like cat food.
00:37:02.920 They don't.
00:37:03.400 They just like puree anything they make.
00:37:05.320 Mm.
00:37:06.580 So she just eats like pureed chicken. 1.00
00:37:08.580 Can you bring some of that?
00:37:10.040 Yeah,
00:37:10.280 you want that?
00:37:11.000 Can you try some of your mom's food?
00:37:12.500 I'm the long-term care.
00:37:13.540 I'll get you some of my mom's food.
00:37:15.840 Pay it back
00:37:16.700 for the diarrhea soup.
00:37:18.540 And this guy's mom's undercooked meatballs
00:37:22.260 look pink in the middle. 1.00
00:37:23.620 All our moms make dog shit. 1.00
00:37:31.020 I've like, 1.00
00:37:31.760 I've been to people's houses
00:37:32.920 where their parents like,
00:37:33.800 make actually good food.
00:37:35.680 Yeah?
00:37:36.720 Okay, 1.00
00:37:37.240 what the fuck? 1.00
00:37:38.060 Did you brag about that? 1.00
00:37:39.100 Like,
00:37:39.500 yeah,
00:37:39.820 like,
00:37:40.040 I don't know,
00:37:40.300 I've been on boats.
00:37:41.080 It's like, 1.00
00:37:41.740 fucking bitch. 1.00
00:37:46.460 I honestly have it. 1.00
00:37:47.960 It sounds like a white girl, 1.00
00:37:49.420 like,
00:37:49.660 I've been a nicer con.
00:37:50.620 I actually have it.
00:37:52.260 Like,
00:37:52.720 this guy's food's probably the best
00:37:53.880 that anybody's parent has like,
00:37:55.320 made me.
00:37:57.500 I'm trying to think
00:37:58.340 what other food I've ever had
00:37:59.780 of like,
00:38:00.060 people's parents.
00:38:00.920 It's a lot to think about,
00:38:02.100 bro.
00:38:02.720 To access the database
00:38:03.700 of every meal you've ever had.
00:38:07.020 His brain.
00:38:08.580 Jarvis,
00:38:09.040 pull that up.
00:38:11.080 Nothing like,
00:38:12.960 really jumps out.
00:38:17.160 Hey,
00:38:17.680 what about your fiance's parents?
00:38:18.840 Have they made like,
00:38:19.500 a three cheese dip 0.99
00:38:20.380 from fucking Longo's 1.00
00:38:21.540 or something? 0.99
00:38:23.140 Have they ever pulled out
00:38:24.460 like a,
00:38:24.980 have they ever called
00:38:27.340 Johnny Quests?
00:38:33.440 Once I picked up,
00:38:34.700 like,
00:38:36.880 sandwiches that were made
00:38:38.040 at,
00:38:38.280 like,
00:38:38.940 Metro.
00:38:41.080 That's pretty much
00:38:43.000 white people cooking. 1.00
00:38:44.060 It's just ready-made shit. 1.00
00:38:45.940 No, 1.00
00:38:46.180 they made some,
00:38:46.820 they made some,
00:38:47.540 some food.
00:38:48.460 Well,
00:38:48.540 they made burgers once,
00:38:49.500 but they were also frozen.
00:38:51.780 Um,
00:38:52.220 they made good food.
00:38:56.860 Let's not talk about that.
00:38:58.140 Jesus Christ. 1.00
00:39:01.260 Fuck. 1.00
00:39:02.320 This podcast is already 1.00
00:39:03.680 going to get me fucking killed. 0.99
00:39:05.300 Oh, 1.00
00:39:05.520 I don't know.
00:39:06.860 I talked about my in-laws.
00:39:08.820 I talked about,
00:39:09.820 uh,
00:39:10.260 sexual experience I had
00:39:11.380 before I met my fiance.
00:39:12.600 And then I talked about
00:39:13.340 my in-laws cooking.
00:39:14.160 When I was 12 years old,
00:39:15.140 that was molested.
00:39:15.880 I'm Jewish. 0.99
00:39:16.620 Take a tampon 1.00
00:39:19.740 out of my teacher's pussy. 1.00
00:39:25.080 Strawberry shortcake. 1.00
00:39:26.360 Oh, 1.00
00:39:26.640 is that your asshole? 1.00
00:39:27.920 Oh, 1.00
00:39:28.280 why do you have a tampon 1.00
00:39:28.960 on your butt? 1.00
00:39:30.420 Is it because you're a dude? 1.00
00:39:31.540 Oh,
00:39:32.480 why is this brown?
00:39:34.000 Oh,
00:39:34.440 why'd I put a tampon 1.00
00:39:35.300 in my ass after I did 1.00
00:39:36.400 a spin class? 1.00
00:39:37.100 Oh, 1.00
00:39:37.260 you ever take shit 1.00
00:39:37.860 out of a girl's ass 1.00
00:39:38.540 and fuck it? 1.00
00:39:40.960 Isn't that Jason Rouse's joke? 1.00
00:39:42.540 No,
00:39:43.100 that's,
00:39:43.500 that's that 1.00
00:39:44.880 when you freeze dog shit 1.00
00:39:46.000 and fuck her pussy. 1.00
00:39:46.780 But I'm saying, 1.00
00:39:47.300 what if you took the shit 1.00
00:39:48.100 out of her ass 1.00
00:39:48.940 and then fucked her asshole? 1.00
00:39:51.460 Folks, 1.00
00:39:51.880 I'm going on tour.
00:39:53.340 Guys,
00:39:53.740 you can buy tickets
00:39:54.400 to see this live.
00:40:00.120 Watch this before
00:40:00.880 we put it behind the paywall.
00:40:03.020 Thank you for listening,
00:40:03.940 everybody.
00:40:04.260 Good night.