Bankas Podcast - Permission 2 Laugh ｜ The Bankas Show - #047

00:00:00.000 Welcome to the Bank of Show, everybody. I hope you're having a beautiful week. I know I am.

00:00:05.640 And my partner here, Armand and Bobby, we're just having a great time.

00:00:11.280 Oh, it's been peaches and roses.

00:00:13.220 So, you know, like and subscribe to the podcast. A lot has been going on.

00:00:18.940 We did four sold-out shows last week in Toronto, two and two in Burlington.

00:00:24.620 They went super well. I just have started posting the clips from it.

00:00:28.240 And already people cannot get enough of a clip that I just posted where I basically walked a woman and her husband.

00:00:38.440 He didn't want to leave. He was enjoying the show. But of course, he had to leave.

00:00:43.320 So before we get to the show, how about you guys enjoy this awesome stand-up comedy clip from Burlington.

00:00:50.300 You know, there's a lot of white women in this country with a lot of privilege, right? 1.00

00:00:55.140 This one.

00:00:55.820 She's so privileged. She's not even watching the show. I'm just staring over here.

00:01:03.060 Are you okay? What's that?

00:01:04.560 The light is f***ing hot.

00:01:05.900 The light is hot?

00:01:07.020 Right, but it's like this.

00:01:08.020 Oh, okay. Well, you're not even tasting it.

00:01:14.260 Like on the back of your head was hot?

00:01:16.140 Oh, yeah.

00:01:16.480 So it's causing you to look non-straight, but that way?

00:01:22.820 I know. She's tired.

00:01:24.680 That's your wife? 1.00

00:01:28.840 Yep.

00:01:29.220 That's nice.

00:01:30.520 What happened to her?

00:01:31.780 She looks like she's been sexually trafficked here. 1.00

00:01:41.160 She's just sitting in front row sad. 0.97

00:01:43.080 I know!

00:01:43.440 You look so upset. I'm feeling like I'm at home.

00:01:51.240 She's like, look at that.

00:01:56.060 Look at that one. Okay. All right.

00:01:58.940 I'm sorry.

00:02:00.080 Sorry, honey.

00:02:01.220 Can't bring him anywhere, right?

00:02:02.600 He's laughing, but also leaving.

00:02:11.540 Check it in.

00:02:15.820 Yeah, so as I was saying, white women have a lot of women. 1.00

00:02:24.280 I'm excited. I'm excited to leave this country.

00:02:27.440 I'm excited to...

00:02:29.560 I'm not sure where I'm going to call home base.

00:02:31.240 It could be Austin.

00:02:32.940 It could be L.A.

00:02:34.860 It could be New York.

00:02:36.300 We're going to see.

00:02:37.260 And I'm going to go and figure all that out in the next couple weeks.

00:02:40.800 Leading up to my May 8th start to my shows in Boston.

00:02:47.260 So before that, I'm going to go to the States and jump on shows

00:02:52.860 and get my material right for my crowd.

00:02:57.100 Because I got a step foot in the country.

00:02:59.340 I feel like it would be a mistake to wait until May 8th.

00:03:02.880 Yeah, to show up being like...

00:03:04.060 Just like, oh, these jokes work at Yuck Yucks.

00:03:06.300 I don't know.

00:03:07.440 They're working in downtown Toronto.

00:03:09.160 I don't know.

00:03:09.520 I don't know working in Buffalo.

00:03:10.760 Oh, this kill's in Saskatoon there.

00:03:13.400 Oh, I was killing in Halifax the other week. 0.99

00:03:15.560 And then I drove down to fucking Tampa. 0.99

00:03:18.860 They didn't know what the hell they were talking about. 0.99

00:03:20.280 So I got to de-Canadian-ify my jokes.

00:03:25.380 And the only way to do that is go to the States and actually perform comedy.

00:03:29.600 So that's pretty sick that I get to do that.

00:03:33.760 I'm very privileged.

00:03:35.300 And I'm very thankful to the Canadian fans that helped me get to that point. 0.98

00:03:40.460 So keep sharing my videos and shit, making them go viral. 0.93

00:03:43.520 And, yeah, this is a nice room. 0.98

00:03:47.580 I feel like we're doing the podcast from a different spot.

00:03:49.980 This is my buddy's condo's party room.

00:03:53.440 And every time I go to a condo party room, I'm just like, I want to live in a condo party room.

00:03:59.440 Like, they're always just so spacious.

00:04:01.780 Like, this is what...

00:04:03.280 Like, condos give you a piece of what it's like to be rich, right?

00:04:08.500 Like, you can have a one-bedroom or, like, a bachelor and then still come down here and be like,

00:04:11.960 Ooh, pool table, right?

00:04:14.320 And then some Indian guy comes in.

00:04:15.900 Oh, I was going to use it.

00:04:18.360 So it's not as exclusive, but it is like a taste of being rich, right?

00:04:22.520 Yeah.

00:04:22.660 Just a little bit.

00:04:23.300 Some of them have pools, right?

00:04:24.620 It's like, oh, I got a closet in Drake's house.

00:04:26.580 Yeah.

00:04:27.180 It is like that.

00:04:28.300 But I like being in a condo party room.

00:04:31.400 Some of the best, like, parties when I was in...

00:04:35.780 When I was doing commercial real estate was some guy would just be like,

00:04:39.080 Yo, come to the Ice Tower party room or, like, whatever.

00:04:41.960 Like, whatever condo you lived at, some guy would have a party in the party room 0.96

00:04:45.820 and it would just be fucking chaos. 0.94

00:04:48.340 Because it's like having a private party, right? 0.99

00:04:51.060 You can do whatever the fuck you want. 0.90

00:04:52.480 I mean, you can't smoke in it, but there's always usually a door to go out and smoke 0.99

00:04:56.740 and shit like that.

00:04:58.140 As long as you talk to security first. 0.99

00:05:00.120 Oh, I don't know, sir.

00:05:01.320 Are you allowed to go in?

00:05:05.360 That's Armin's joke.

00:05:06.900 The Indian security guard is always telling you you can't go.

00:05:09.480 Can I smoke out there?

00:05:10.500 No, you can't.

00:05:11.200 No.

00:05:11.600 Yeah, I actually do have Indian security guards that work in the building behind the building

00:05:15.780 I live in.

00:05:16.540 And I go out to smoke, like, in front.

00:05:19.180 And then they come out and treat me like I'm homeless.

00:05:21.280 Like, they're like, no, you cannot smoke.

00:05:22.740 Oh, that office building?

00:05:23.760 Yeah, yeah.

00:05:24.180 They're like, you cannot smoke here.

00:05:25.680 And I'm like, I live here.

00:05:26.700 And they're like, whoa, I live in Scarborough.

00:05:29.140 I took five buses together.

00:05:30.900 Yeah, literally.

00:05:31.360 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:05:32.000 Yeah, so I'm trading in the Indian immigrants for the Mexican immigrants. 1.00

00:05:37.960 It's going to be huge.

00:05:39.540 It's a huge.

00:05:40.020 I feel like they, yeah, they don't have as.

00:05:41.380 It's like you're a Pokemon evolving.

00:05:43.180 Yeah.

00:05:43.480 You're becoming Charizard.

00:05:44.820 Mm-hmm. 0.99

00:05:45.240 You're just even the most racist. 0.97

00:05:48.620 What race will I pick on? 0.98

00:05:49.980 It'll be funny, like, the Pokemon.

00:05:53.200 Like, remember when it was like, who's this Pokemon?

00:05:55.420 But it's just the race you're going to make fun of that night.

00:05:57.720 It takes, that's why, another reason I want to go down before the tour,

00:06:00.600 because it takes a few sets, maybe more, to get acclimatized,

00:06:05.780 to get your sea legs when you're talking to different,

00:06:09.320 like, people in a different country.

00:06:10.820 Like, you can't expect everything to be the same. 0.99

00:06:13.420 I mean, a lot of shit they're going to get, 0.83

00:06:14.940 and a lot of stuff is transferable between, you know. 0.98

00:06:17.360 Yeah.

00:06:17.580 The Mexicans do Uber. 1.00

00:06:18.840 I mean, they put, honestly, not even as much as Indians in, like. 1.00

00:06:22.720 Yeah, no, they still got Indians doing that. 1.00

00:06:24.160 In Austin, there's less Mexicans doing Uber in Austin, Texas,

00:06:27.360 than there are Indians doing Uber in Toronto.

00:06:28.820 Perfect.

00:06:29.440 So I know what jokes I'll be doing on Kiltonia.

00:06:31.440 Yeah.

00:06:32.340 Talking about Mexicans.

00:06:35.260 So.

00:06:37.200 Mexicans are more versatile.

00:06:40.020 Yeah, they can build stuff.

00:06:41.160 You don't really see a lot of, like, Indian construction workers.

00:06:43.200 There's no, they can't get the hard hat over the turban. 1.00

00:06:45.360 You wouldn't want an Indian guy building a fence for you. 1.00

00:06:48.100 Well, maybe if he was going to be on the other side. 1.00

00:06:51.940 That's so fucked. 1.00

00:06:55.540 Only if you're building a wall around my house. 1.00

00:06:58.100 You're building a 7-Eleven to work in for me.

00:07:02.220 He's got to build the 7-Eleven, too.

00:07:04.560 He's got to build the, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:07:07.420 But it's been a big week for comedy.

00:07:09.880 Shane Gillis, I know everybody's talking about it.

00:07:12.320 And if you're listening, Shane, congrats.

00:07:16.740 You know, imagine.

00:07:17.820 It is funny.

00:07:18.400 All the comics who didn't really know Shane but had taken a picture with him.

00:07:22.280 Yeah.

00:07:22.740 Like, posted a picture of them with him being like, oh, it's my boy.

00:07:27.300 Yo, I opened for this guy, actually.

00:07:29.020 Oh, I stood beside this guy once after the show.

00:07:32.060 This guy thought I was a fan.

00:07:33.420 I have a picture of me with him.

00:07:36.260 And I was like, do I post this?

00:07:37.400 Like, no.

00:07:37.920 No, it's not cool for you.

00:07:39.400 Because I knew him.

00:07:40.260 When you start working with him, yeah.

00:07:42.400 Because then you can be like, yo, I was in Toronto.

00:07:44.480 And now I'm balling out.

00:07:45.740 But it goes to show you that SNL does still have pull and helps your career.

00:07:51.920 Because right after he posted it, or right after it came out, he's announced that he's doing this deal with Netflix.

00:07:59.640 They're buying his sitcom.

00:08:02.100 And he's going to do another comedy special.

00:08:04.020 And that's great news for comics.

00:08:06.160 Oh, yeah.

00:08:06.740 For like me or comics that aren't politically correct.

00:08:10.360 Comics that push the boundaries.

00:08:12.460 Because it shows, hey, if you get the following.

00:08:15.260 Exactly.

00:08:15.960 And you make people like this type of comedy, you can change the world.

00:08:20.140 You can change how people are entertained, what they're willing to be entertained by, what these bigger companies, these streaming companies are willing to do. 0.84

00:08:29.860 So I'm fucking excited about that. 0.99

00:08:31.560 And we've got to get working on a fucking show. 0.99

00:08:34.960 Yeah, we've got to write a show. 0.99

00:08:36.500 Yeah, we've got to write a show so that we can sell a show.

00:08:39.360 We've got to write a show so that we can do a show.

00:08:41.340 And then there's another show.

00:08:42.300 And then there's a show.

00:08:43.100 And then there's a show about the show, about how we fought about the show.

00:08:45.660 How dare you say that on the show?

00:08:47.060 Oh, you said that on the show.

00:08:48.300 Oh, I can't be on the show.

00:08:50.140 I'm going to take it down.

00:08:51.640 What's up, everybody?

00:08:52.480 I hope you're enjoying the podcast.

00:08:53.860 I am going on tour.

00:08:55.540 I have a few Canadian dates left before my USA East Coast tour starts, the America Takeover tour.

00:09:02.040 So my current dates that I have on the books for Canada, March 27th in Edmonton.

00:09:08.020 Go get tickets.

00:09:09.180 The comic strip at the West Edmonton Mall.

00:09:11.600 We're about half sold out for that show.

00:09:13.380 So go get your tickets.

00:09:14.320 We are also going to be in Halifax, Halifax, Nova Scotia, April 8th.

00:09:22.320 Then I'm going to be in Amherst, April 10th, Fredericton, and some other East Coast place out in the, what do they call it?

00:09:32.980 The prairies?

00:09:33.960 Not the prairies.

00:09:34.580 No, the Maritimes.

00:09:36.380 Maritimes.

00:09:37.060 So between April 8th and 15th, I'm in the Maritimes in Canada.

00:09:42.060 USA tour starts May 8th in Boston.

00:09:46.420 Go get your tickets.

00:09:47.880 I'm going to call Netflix.

00:09:49.020 Take her off. 0.98

00:09:50.300 I'm canceling Netflix.

00:09:51.640 I'm pissed off.

00:09:54.580 Oh, well, I got canceled from Netflix. 0.99

00:09:56.920 That'd be so fucked up. 0.98

00:09:59.820 Just you back at Yuggs after blowing up in the States. 1.00

00:10:02.900 It's like, oh, you know, oh, that was tough.

00:10:04.920 I'm going to go to Thunder Bay again.

00:10:08.660 Got to go do crickets.

00:10:11.260 There's a comedy club called Crickets and Thunder Bay.

00:10:14.120 I know. 0.99

00:10:14.620 It's like the saddest fucking thing. 0.99

00:10:17.640 Oh, God. 1.00

00:10:19.020 Yeah.

00:10:19.500 There were some venues, like the Saskatoon venues.

00:10:23.300 Remember the Saskatoon venue that we did the first night that we were there?

00:10:26.820 The park place?

00:10:27.600 So the first time we went to Saskatoon, which if you don't know anything about Canada, which

00:10:31.400 you shouldn't, hopefully, if you're listening to this and you don't really need to, but

00:10:34.380 Saskatchewan is one of the provinces, which is like a state.

00:10:39.420 And Saskatoon is, I don't even think it's the capital.

00:10:43.540 No, Regina is the capital.

00:10:45.040 Saskatoon is just like-

00:10:46.260 Two cities.

00:10:46.760 Yeah, that's it.

00:10:47.780 Two main cities.

00:10:49.080 And a bunch of farms.

00:10:50.260 And small towns.

00:10:51.040 But when we went to Saskatoon first in 2023, the first time we went, and the first night

00:11:00.220 we got there, first of all, I went into my hotel room and tried to shower and hit my 0.98

00:11:03.740 head on the fucking soap dispensers that stick out in the shower. 0.99

00:11:08.940 Like, I just like stood up and like, fuck, ow. 1.00

00:11:11.700 We were doing this awful bar show for some like local comic. 0.99

00:11:15.320 And then you kept looking at me the whole night like, are my pupils different sizes?

00:11:18.980 Because you thought you had a concussion and you were like, chewing out really hard in

00:11:22.680 Saskatoon.

00:11:24.320 Yeah.

00:11:24.780 So the first night we had to do this brutal show where we got paid like a couple hundred

00:11:30.660 bucks or something.

00:11:31.700 Yeah.

00:11:32.080 And like, it wasn't even a bad bar.

00:11:34.240 Like, it was kind of a newer bar, like in a strip mall.

00:11:37.200 But it was just a terrible show.

00:11:38.960 Yeah.

00:11:39.080 The host was like, he's literally like a 17-year-old kid doing stand-up comedy who, and he's like

00:11:45.100 not very good yet.

00:11:46.480 No.

00:11:47.120 And, but he's really intense and he's just like, I'm running this thing. 0.99

00:11:50.980 And it was just fucking. 0.99

00:11:51.900 Yeah. 1.00

00:11:51.920 He basically, all of Saskatchewan comedy is run by an underage stand-up comedian, pretty 0.93

00:11:57.380 much.

00:11:57.720 Or a native.

00:11:59.020 Yeah.

00:11:59.540 It's all on.

00:12:00.280 You could perform a cigarette show. 1.00

00:12:01.960 A underage white kid or a fucking 45-year-old native guy. 1.00

00:12:04.640 Who's like, I was on TV. 1.00

00:12:06.020 Yeah.

00:12:06.200 They both have to shoulder tap at the LC.

00:12:08.220 But that was brutal.

00:12:09.340 But then the show that we actually, the Yuck Yuck show that we did was pretty fun.

00:12:12.560 It was in the basement of that hotel.

00:12:13.940 Yeah.

00:12:14.080 That was pretty sick.

00:12:14.840 I mean, the hotel was terrible. 1.00

00:12:16.480 We stayed in it and it was like a homeless fucking shelter. 0.99

00:12:19.820 Every hotel in Canada right now has been turned into either a homeless shelter, a native shelter, 0.99

00:12:24.240 or an immigrant shelter.

00:12:26.080 I mean, that's the same in New York.

00:12:27.420 They're doing the same thing, right?

00:12:28.560 A lot of those, those immigrant shelters.

00:12:30.420 It's, those immigrant shelters, by the way, and native shelters, they make them sound like

00:12:37.340 it's this woke thing where they're like, we're helping, we're putting them, we're sheltering

00:12:41.160 these people.

00:12:42.080 But in reality, it's kind of like low-key, like they're in jail.

00:12:45.180 Like, it's kind of like a concentration camp.

00:12:47.020 One of our friends that sadly passed away last year, RIP Liam Dugan, Dugan, can't even say,

00:12:54.620 I don't even know his name.

00:12:55.320 Yo, one of my friends, whatever, don't you?

00:12:58.600 No, um, Liam Dugan and he, uh, was a security guard.

00:13:03.200 Yeah.

00:13:04.160 And he was a security guard for those types of places for natives and stuff.

00:13:08.300 Yeah.

00:13:08.560 And he was like, this is like a concentration camp because they go in, first they need to

00:13:12.780 get an ID.

00:13:13.680 So they make them like their own ID.

00:13:15.260 Oh my God.

00:13:16.200 For being in the camp.

00:13:17.760 Yeah.

00:13:18.420 And it has like a QR code on it.

00:13:20.680 And the native one he was working at, they were busing the natives out to go and be like,

00:13:26.620 go, go do activities, like play, like go on roller coasters, break rocks, go to the mine, 0.94

00:13:32.880 build fucking TV, build the railroad. 0.97

00:13:34.980 Um, yeah, no, no. 0.99

00:13:35.900 Like they would take, go karting, they'd go bowling, these like, and they would have, they

00:13:43.080 would get on the bus and they'd have to show their ID and scan it and not be hammered.

00:13:47.540 But most of them were just, because it, for them it's, it's, you know, when you go in a

00:13:51.400 hockey tournament or something, when you're a kid and everybody's just like drunk and their

00:13:54.400 parents are drunk and the kids are drunk and the kids are smoking weed on the balconies.

00:13:58.620 That's basically what those hotels turn into.

00:14:01.320 Yeah. 0.97

00:14:01.660 If they're native, like not if they're immigrants, cause they don't fucking drink usually or like 1.00

00:14:05.720 smoke weed a lot, but fuck, it's just such a crazy thing that we have in this country 0.99

00:14:11.120 where it's every building that can, you know, that's a hotel, like these hotels just get 1.00

00:14:17.660 turned into immigration places and they're okay with it because they get paid a shit 1.00

00:14:23.700 ton. 0.84

00:14:24.140 Yeah.

00:14:24.300 Like the government's like, we're going to rent every room you have for three years.

00:14:29.180 Like, oh yeah, I'm going to say no to that.

00:14:31.380 Yeah.

00:14:31.880 Even at a discount.

00:14:32.860 It's like, yeah, we know that this place is like, like the hotels are making a killing 0.99

00:14:38.400 off of, uh, from the government off of all of these fucking things. 1.00

00:14:42.640 It's just totally fucked up. 0.99

00:14:44.740 Remember the one we went to in Regina where it was the Ukrainian refugee camp and then 0.99

00:14:48.580 we tried to go to the pool and there was just two guys with their shirts up.

00:14:51.760 That was in Regina.

00:14:52.760 Yeah.

00:14:53.080 That was Regina. 0.99

00:14:53.840 Also Saskatchewan.

00:14:54.980 It was like the whole, whole hotel was filled with specifically Ukrainian immigrants and 0.97

00:15:00.800 they were the worst. 1.00

00:15:03.620 Like they were just like, they were like bathing in the fucking pool. 1.00

00:15:06.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:15:06.140 And then they had photos of us in the fucking elevator. 0.99

00:15:08.620 So it made it look like we were like easy marks. 0.99

00:15:11.200 Like we're like an easy lick.

00:15:12.200 Because we were performing in the building.

00:15:13.700 So it was like, yuck, yuck.

00:15:14.520 It's performing this week.

00:15:15.280 Yeah, yeah.

00:15:15.480 And it's like Ben Benkis, Armand or Bobby with our names, pictures.

00:15:18.340 Like literally. 0.99

00:15:19.140 Might as well just put their fucking room number on. 1.00

00:15:20.620 That's what I was going to say. 1.00

00:15:21.380 Yeah.

00:15:21.640 Like just put my home address.

00:15:23.300 Remember when they didn't have, was it, they didn't have heat or they didn't have

00:15:26.700 air conditioning?

00:15:27.840 No, you couldn't, you couldn't put, you couldn't turn your heat down.

00:15:30.020 So you were just like sweating in your room for like.

00:15:32.880 And then I went in yours and I'm like, this is completely fine. 0.99

00:15:35.140 What the fuck is this? 1.00

00:15:36.400 So I had to switch rooms and shit. 1.00

00:15:38.780 Yeah. 0.99

00:15:39.300 Yeah.

00:15:39.580 That was, that was good times though.

00:15:41.140 There was that one, remember that one crazy guy that followed us from Saskatoon to Regina?

00:15:47.340 Oh, he was like a fan, right?

00:15:48.580 He wasn't, was he a fan?

00:15:50.440 He wasn't a fan, but he like became a fan.

00:15:52.380 He became a fan, but he was like the scariest kind of fan.

00:15:55.000 Cause he just literally was like a guy who flipped his oil rig in Fort McMack. 1.00

00:16:00.360 And he was like, fuck it. 0.99

00:16:01.460 I'm leaving my phone at home. 1.00

00:16:02.580 I'm going on the road.

00:16:03.600 And he just like.

00:16:04.340 What do you mean he flipped his oil rig?

00:16:05.400 So I remember talking to him.

00:16:06.620 So this guy followed us like from Saskatoon to Regina.

00:16:09.640 And I was like, well, so what's your life?

00:16:11.240 And he's like, well, I work at Fort McMack.

00:16:13.240 I flipped a truck.

00:16:14.460 Yeah.

00:16:14.900 Oh, he flipped a truck.

00:16:15.720 He flipped a truck and he had like a meltdown at work.

00:16:18.080 So then he went on like paid leave. 1.00

00:16:20.200 And then he was like, well, fuck it. 1.00

00:16:21.280 I'm just going to drive. 0.99

00:16:22.260 So then he drove to like Saskatoon, watched our show and was like, oh, they're going to

00:16:27.580 Regina next.

00:16:28.260 I guess I'll come.

00:16:29.080 And then just like.

00:16:30.680 The America Takeover tour starts May 8th in Boston.

00:16:34.080 Everybody here are the dates.

00:16:36.660 May 8th, Boston, Laugh Boston.

00:16:39.300 May 9th, Detroit, Michigan, House of Comedy.

00:16:42.080 May 10th, Red Bank, New Jersey, Vogel at Camp Base Center of the Arts.

00:16:47.800 May 11th, Portland, Maine, Empire Comedy Club.

00:16:50.960 May 12th, New York, New York, New York Comedy Club in the East Village.

00:16:55.820 May 14th, Orlando, Florida, the Funny Bone.

00:16:58.880 May 15th, Tampa, Florida at the Funny Bone.

00:17:01.820 May 16th, Dania Beach, Florida at the Improv.

00:17:05.300 May 19th, Syracuse, New York at the Funny Bone.

00:17:09.080 May 20th, Philadelphia at Helium.

00:17:11.900 May 12th, or sorry, May 20th, Philadelphia at Helium.

00:17:15.660 May 21st, Buffalo, New York.

00:17:17.420 And May 23rd, Albany, New York at the Funny Bone.

00:17:21.440 So go get your tickets.

00:17:22.640 Thank you guys for supporting me.

00:17:24.020 We're going to have more U.S. dates on the books very soon for Middle America, the South, and the West Coast.

00:17:30.240 Followed up as like literal serial killer.

00:17:32.940 It's like seven hour drive.

00:17:34.120 Yeah, it's like insane.

00:17:35.880 Oh no, it's like maybe it's like three and a half.

00:17:37.360 I forget.

00:17:37.600 But still, to not know somebody.

00:17:39.720 Yeah.

00:17:40.440 That's the groupies that we get. 0.92

00:17:41.500 That's how good the show is, baby.

00:17:43.680 Yeah. 0.67

00:17:44.320 Rock stars get like chicks. 1.00

00:17:45.840 We get like dudes that just ruin their careers.

00:17:48.660 Just like, guess I'll follow them around. 1.00

00:17:50.580 My girl's like, oh my God, girls want to fuck you after the show. 1.00

00:17:53.260 And it's actually just some guy following me seven hours. 1.00

00:17:56.020 Literally, yeah.

00:17:56.920 Some dude, this is like, I hate. 1.00

00:17:58.180 In a fucking pickup truck. 1.00

00:17:59.480 Like, I gotta see that again. 1.00

00:18:01.080 I know, I know. 1.00

00:18:02.180 Fucking ridiculous. 1.00

00:18:03.100 Literally the same jokes. 1.00

00:18:05.560 Be cool if you're a woman, dude. 1.00

00:18:07.040 Yeah, seriously. 0.99

00:18:08.240 Like, what the fuck? 0.99

00:18:09.340 I mean, that's what it is. 0.99

00:18:10.220 Like, a lot of my fans, like 73 point something percent are men.

00:18:15.800 Hell yeah.

00:18:16.300 And then the other 27 or 20, whatever, are women. 0.99

00:18:20.200 And then there's 3% that are trans.

00:18:25.400 3% undisclosed.

00:18:28.340 Undisclosed.

00:18:30.700 Yeah.

00:18:31.600 No, we had a lot of fun on the last year's tour going from coast to coast.

00:18:37.880 That was really cool.

00:18:38.760 I want to get matching tattoos with Armin that say P2L. 0.88

00:18:43.260 Yeah, because the tour was called Permission to Laugh.

00:18:45.320 Permission to Laugh.

00:18:47.000 And I made a website called permissiontolaf.com.

00:18:49.120 I think it's defunct now, but it used to just go to my website anyway.

00:18:53.180 Let's get a QR code to a website that doesn't exist.

00:18:55.720 But we actually, when I made that Permission to Laugh thing, and the idea to do Permission

00:19:00.640 to Laugh as the name of the tour, the first one was actually that Toronto show.

00:19:06.300 Yeah.

00:19:06.600 The Toronto, so Toronto, my first ever show where I made the money, like, properly.

00:19:13.720 There was a Lula Lounge.

00:19:14.660 Because I've been working for Yuck Yucks since 2019, and when I was opening or middling or

00:19:21.520 hosting, and then I finally was headlining with Yucks.

00:19:24.440 But it's still, like, headlining with Yucks, you're making, you know, because you're not

00:19:29.040 bringing the audience.

00:19:29.980 Yeah, you're making a set raid.

00:19:31.740 You're not, it's just, people are coming to watch comedy that night because there's

00:19:36.000 a comedy club called Yuck Yucks, and people know what it is, and in Canada, it's, like,

00:19:40.320 the biggest name in comedy, so people come and see it, right?

00:19:42.980 Yeah.

00:19:43.280 So you make, but the comics make, like, 300, 400 bucks, whatever, a night, versus, you

00:19:48.620 know, doing your own show, you make, like, thousands of dollars, right?

00:19:51.180 So that was my first one, was at Lula Lounge in Toronto, which was a salsa lounge that I

00:19:58.440 was worried they were going to cancel me before we even did it.

00:20:00.920 Yeah, because they did drag, I remember your fans were upset because they, some of them

00:20:04.860 found out that they did drag shows there during the week, so he had some, like, crazed woman 0.98

00:20:10.160 call and, like, leave a voicemail and send it to Ben being, like, I hope you know what

00:20:14.820 you're supporting by doing this, it was just nuts.

00:20:18.200 Yeah, some woman basically sent me a voice note on Instagram of her calling the venue 1.00

00:20:24.540 and, like, you can hear the venue person talking to you on the phone, and she's talking to her

00:20:29.760 and she's like, I heard that you do drag brunches, and they're like, yes, we do, would you like

00:20:35.340 to make a reservation, you know what I mean?

00:20:37.280 She's like, well, can I bring my kid?

00:20:39.440 And they're like, sure.

00:20:40.360 And she's like, she's only two. 0.58

00:20:42.420 And they're like, yeah, it's fine, whatever. 1.00

00:20:44.120 And she's just like, that's disgusting, you pieces of shit. 1.00

00:20:47.820 And then he fucking hangs up and, like, sends me this as if I, and then sends me this whole 1.00

00:20:52.280 paragraph, like, I'm so disappointed in you, Ben, like, you should be choosing a different 0.99

00:20:56.400 venue.

00:20:56.700 It's like, and I made a joke about it that night.

00:20:59.040 It's like, this is the right-wing version of cancel culture where they're canceling people

00:21:03.740 they like because they're not doing what they want them to do. 0.60

00:21:06.480 At that point, I mean, that woman was obviously just a controlling, psychotic, a lot of the 1.00

00:21:12.980 anti-vax, like, I hate to say it, but, like, there are, like, a lot of anti-vax people are

00:21:16.660 just very controlling.

00:21:17.980 How can you let your kid go to that pool when there was a tranny in it? 1.00

00:21:22.160 It's like, well, because my kid's got to fucking swim. 0.99

00:21:24.940 You know what I mean? 0.99

00:21:25.420 Why don't you go find me a pool that a tranny hasn't been into? 1.00

00:21:28.280 Not so easy, is it?

00:21:30.000 Right?

00:21:30.240 So, but, yeah, so we did that show there at that place, and they ended up, so right

00:21:37.480 after that show, because it was sold out, it's, like, it only fit 200.

00:21:41.360 We had, like, 215 people.

00:21:42.920 It was, like, standing room only, and after that show, they were, like, can we do another

00:21:49.680 show next week?

00:21:51.320 And I'm, like, no.

00:21:52.740 Like, this will be a month.

00:21:53.800 It's, like, months.

00:21:54.980 This will be, like, a month or two months to sell this place out.

00:21:57.400 Like, I'm not, I can't do it next week.

00:21:58.900 Yeah.

00:21:59.100 We did that in, like, a few months.

00:22:00.120 I was, like, hey, hit them up.

00:22:01.560 You want to do it again?

00:22:02.360 They're, like, oh, sorry, we can't ever work with you ever again.

00:22:04.480 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:22:06.880 I forget why I was talking about that, though.

00:22:08.640 Why did I bring it up?

00:22:09.420 Oh, the tour.

00:22:09.920 Just all the, all the, that's how the tour started, right?

00:22:12.100 So, we did it at Lula Lounge.

00:22:13.360 It sold out, 215 people.

00:22:16.540 And then the next one was, we actually went on the real P2L tour, which was, where did we

00:22:26.400 go first?

00:22:26.920 Victoria?

00:22:27.320 Victoria, then we went Vancouver.

00:22:28.760 Vancouver.

00:22:30.200 Surrey.

00:22:31.160 Surrey.

00:22:31.760 Kelowna.

00:22:32.460 Kelowna.

00:22:33.180 Calgary.

00:22:34.220 Edmonton.

00:22:34.660 Red Deer.

00:22:35.300 Calgary.

00:22:35.920 Redmond.

00:22:37.040 Redmondton.

00:22:38.180 Red Deer.

00:22:39.220 Edmonton.

00:22:39.740 And then we took a break.

00:22:41.280 We went back to Toronto.

00:22:42.260 Oh, yeah.

00:22:42.560 Then we flew back out to Saskatoon, Regina, and then two weeks in Winnipeg.

00:22:46.360 Two weeks in Winnipeg.

00:22:47.520 What if we were, oh, God.

00:22:48.160 The worst two weeks of our lives. 0.99

00:22:49.860 That was a fucking nightmare, too. 0.99

00:22:50.800 We were going schizophrenic by the end of it. 0.99

00:22:52.540 So all of that was my tour.

00:22:54.640 Like, I was making the proper money, except for the Winnipeg stuff.

00:22:57.340 Yeah.

00:22:57.480 That was like a Yuck Yucks gig, because it was like 200 bucks a night.

00:22:59.980 Yeah.

00:23:00.280 And, but it was two weeks that we had to stay there in this hotel where the comedy club

00:23:06.020 was at the Fort Gary.

00:23:07.520 And the first night, the girl comes in, and she's like, oh, my God, this is amazing.

00:23:13.300 You've sold the most tickets that anybody's ever sold at this club.

00:23:17.100 She told you that you outsold Sean Majunder.

00:23:19.440 Yeah.

00:23:19.660 She's like, you sold more tickets than Sean Majunder. 1.00

00:23:22.020 It was like fucking. 1.00

00:23:23.200 He's on like CBC Indian. 1.00

00:23:25.060 He used to like Omni Pakistan.

00:23:27.280 He used to dump slime on kids.

00:23:31.780 Yeah. 0.99

00:23:32.060 Oh, like, yo, don't talk shit about Jundar. 0.99

00:23:34.860 That was, yo, actually, it was pretty sick. 0.99

00:23:37.020 Yo, actually, yo, this guy.

00:23:38.540 Like, when we were kids in Canada, they have this thing called YTV, which is TV. 0.90

00:23:42.840 Basically, like Nickelodeon shows and shit. 0.98

00:23:44.780 Yeah, it's like Spongebob and shit like that. 0.77

00:23:46.460 But they have like a part of it where they actually have actors do it.

00:23:51.800 It's kind of like a podcast.

00:23:52.980 Like, in between every show, they're like, that was sick.

00:23:55.040 Right, kids?

00:23:55.520 It's like, that's why we're doing this now.

00:23:57.400 Anyway, so I outsold that guy.

00:23:59.300 Yeah, you outsold YTV. 0.97

00:24:00.860 And she's telling me all this shit before the show and all this stuff. 0.98

00:24:03.160 And then I do the show. 0.99

00:24:04.460 And then after the show, I talk shit about it because like they were selling tickets for 0.98

00:24:09.220 like $13. 0.98

00:24:10.580 Yeah.

00:24:10.820 It's so cheap.

00:24:11.780 Like $13 Canadian is like $7 American.

00:24:15.500 Yeah.

00:24:15.640 It's nothing.

00:24:17.020 Right. 0.99

00:24:17.600 And so I'm like talking shit about the ticket prices. 0.99

00:24:20.980 I'm talking shit about, I'm like, oh, it's haunted. 1.00

00:24:23.060 Like, fuck it. 1.00

00:24:23.900 Whatever. 1.00

00:24:24.240 And then after the show or the next day, I get a call from the owner of Yuck Yucks

00:24:28.860 being like, what happened last night?

00:24:30.200 Well, that's not.

00:24:31.040 Well, no.

00:24:31.800 Well, what happened was we were like finally kind of enjoying the hotel.

00:24:35.820 Like we went to the restaurant and then we were like, let's go work out.

00:24:38.260 Then we were swimming.

00:24:39.200 Like we're literally splashing around in the pool.

00:24:41.500 Like you were in the hot tub.

00:24:42.780 Yeah.

00:24:43.060 Yeah.

00:24:43.280 We were both having fun.

00:24:44.540 And Armin's not even a Yuck Yucks comic at this time.

00:24:46.700 I'm bringing him.

00:24:47.580 I'm like, they were even being difficult about putting him on these Winnipeg shows.

00:24:51.940 Like, oh, I don't know if we can give him a room.

00:24:53.340 He's going to have to sleep at the end of your bed. 1.00

00:24:55.880 Shit like that. 1.00

00:24:57.100 Yeah. 1.00

00:24:57.360 What did you say?

00:24:57.880 You said I was a Persian cat.

00:24:59.380 Just at the end of your bed.

00:25:02.160 I'm like farting all night.

00:25:03.480 Yeah. 1.00

00:25:03.880 Dude, I literally heard shit coming out of your ass. 1.00

00:25:06.100 Yeah, because it was like they had a washroom where there's no fan. 1.00

00:25:08.960 Yeah, yeah. 0.99

00:25:09.360 So I'm just shitting. 0.99

00:25:10.520 This guy's lying on a cot. 0.99

00:25:11.860 His head's like at the edge.

00:25:13.420 There's like a vent where you can literally see my legs through the bed. 0.99

00:25:16.820 I was like fucking Shutter Island. 0.99

00:25:18.520 And I'm just shitting. 1.00

00:25:19.640 It was so fucked. 1.00

00:25:20.800 He could hear like my asshole like going like. 1.00

00:25:23.120 Like I heard. 1.00

00:25:24.080 Yeah.

00:25:24.800 Just completely.

00:25:26.080 It was so.

00:25:27.260 It was like.

00:25:27.740 For two weeks.

00:25:28.220 It was like, yo, it's like, do you want to do comedy? 1.00

00:25:31.060 Oh, you want to listen to Ben Bank is taking shit? 0.99

00:25:32.720 Eventually, then you get an Airbnb. 0.99

00:25:34.320 Yeah, eventually I got an Airbnb.

00:25:36.020 Like some ghetto. 1.00

00:25:37.140 It was on Toronto Street.

00:25:38.340 I was like, oh, that's sick.

00:25:39.260 Oh, Toronto Street.

00:25:39.880 I got there and it was like straight up migrant housing. 0.87

00:25:42.740 Oh, my God.

00:25:43.460 It's so dark.

00:25:44.620 Thanks for listening to the podcast, everybody.

00:25:46.340 If you're enjoying the show, please support us on Patreon.

00:25:49.280 Patreon.com slash Ben Bank is.

00:25:51.520 And you get a free bonus podcast every week.

00:25:54.420 If you're a subscriber and you just want to go check it out and see what Patreon is all about.

00:25:58.620 Go to Patreon.com slash Ben Bank is.

00:26:00.880 You can listen to the first five minutes of every podcast that we do on there for free.

00:26:06.020 But yeah.

00:26:06.780 So the one hotel that doesn't have immigrants are like, you can't stay here. 1.00

00:26:10.880 Oh, they're going to think we're one of those hotels. 1.00

00:26:12.640 You got to go find a migrant fucking hotel. 1.00

00:26:17.060 So fun. 1.00

00:26:17.880 Welcome to Yuck Yucks.

00:26:19.120 But yeah.

00:26:19.660 Yeah.

00:26:19.900 At the time, I wasn't even signed.

00:26:21.800 So I was just like.

00:26:22.680 He was so afraid when Mark Breslin, like the owner of Yucks, called me and was just like,

00:26:26.180 what the hell happened last night?

00:26:27.360 Like the owner.

00:26:27.820 Yeah.

00:26:28.180 The owner was literally ready to cut the whole week.

00:26:32.440 Like after the first show is willing to be like, we're just going to fire.

00:26:36.060 Or maybe they were going to have me only do one week.

00:26:38.140 I forget what they're going to do.

00:26:38.900 They're going to be like, just go home.

00:26:40.780 Don't know more shows.

00:26:41.900 Even though I'd sold all my fans were like coming to shows. 0.96

00:26:45.540 And I had just bought a ticket for Cass to fucking get on a plane and fly. 1.00

00:26:50.080 She was literally in the air. 0.98

00:26:51.440 Yeah.

00:26:51.580 As they called me.

00:26:52.460 They're like, his fiance.

00:26:53.180 Yeah.

00:26:53.480 The whole weekend's canceled.

00:26:54.720 You got to go home.

00:26:55.440 I'm like, she's on her way right now. 1.00

00:26:56.920 Even Mark was like, oh, oh, shit. 1.00

00:27:00.160 He's like, oh, fuck. 1.00

00:27:01.740 And then he was like, OK, let me talk to her and shit. 1.00

00:27:03.740 And then so then he's like, OK, just do the second night. 0.99

00:27:06.240 No problems.

00:27:07.080 No. 0.99

00:27:07.260 Don't talk shit about the venue, whatever. 0.99

00:27:09.460 So we did this. 0.99

00:27:10.080 You basically broke every yucks rule.

00:27:12.160 Yeah.

00:27:13.600 So we did the second night and we killed and it was fun.

00:27:17.620 Yeah.

00:27:17.940 It was fine.

00:27:19.460 Yeah.

00:27:19.640 I remember being so, because I, yeah, I wasn't even signed to yucks.

00:27:22.820 And I was like, oh, he's mad at me.

00:27:24.320 I was like, oh, no, Dougie.

00:27:25.760 You ruined my life.

00:27:27.140 Yeah.

00:27:27.320 You thought like Mark was going to be.

00:27:28.640 Well, Mark was.

00:27:29.320 He did say that you bombed.

00:27:30.580 Yeah.

00:27:31.340 He was like, Armin stunk the place up.

00:27:33.440 And Armin's like, it's like on speaker in a pool.

00:27:36.780 I know. 0.88

00:27:37.300 And he's across the pool in a hot tub with like a fat Russian guy. 1.00

00:27:41.440 Just like a random fat Russian guy in a fucking hot tub with him. 1.00

00:27:44.580 And he's just looking over at me like, what's going on? 1.00

00:27:48.360 Why is Mark mad?

00:27:49.360 Why is he saying I'm bombing?

00:27:50.620 Did I get fired? 1.00

00:27:52.060 Oh, fuck. 1.00

00:27:53.100 Yeah, I know. 1.00

00:27:53.980 You're so fucked. 1.00

00:27:54.400 Yeah, yeah. 1.00

00:27:55.380 And then we went home.

00:27:57.620 And that was it.

00:27:58.460 After two weeks of just torture.

00:28:00.780 Literally mental anguish.

00:28:03.960 It does.

00:28:04.260 It does make it like people are like, oh, how much do you love comedy?

00:28:07.400 It's like, bro, we go through the worst experiences.

00:28:10.160 Oh, my God.

00:28:11.020 Just for like 20 to 40 minutes of fun.

00:28:13.820 Yeah. 0.98

00:28:14.380 Those are just the experiences that are part of the actual fucking comedy. 0.98

00:28:18.820 Yeah, the part that, yeah. 0.94

00:28:20.280 I remember you told me that once when it's like, when you're doing a weekend somewhere,

00:28:23.740 it's like, bro, they're actually paying you to just be in the city.

00:28:26.460 It's not about the time you do on stage.

00:28:28.600 You're just being paid to be in Abbotsford for a night.

00:28:31.380 You know what I mean?

00:28:32.200 Yeah, yeah.

00:28:32.960 It's like, yeah.

00:28:33.540 Well, that's the thing about show business is that you're not paid for when you go on

00:28:40.540 stage or when the camera's rolling.

00:28:42.620 You're paid for all the time that you're waiting around.

00:28:44.680 Literally, yeah. 0.99

00:28:45.260 For the fucking, everything. 0.98

00:28:46.240 When I did, sidetrack, side note, but when I was young, like 21, I did background acting. 0.99

00:28:53.720 Yeah.

00:28:53.960 And Degrassi, and I did it in a movie called Carrie and stuff like that.

00:29:00.160 And it was insane, dude.

00:29:01.380 Like, one night on Carrie, it was such a long night.

00:29:04.620 It was like a 17, 18 hour.

00:29:06.460 Oh, and you're just on set.

00:29:08.420 Well, yeah, you're on set.

00:29:09.240 And at one point, it's like, finally, we got the shot, and the guy's like, all right,

00:29:13.140 we're wrapped.

00:29:13.760 And everybody's like, woo!

00:29:15.220 Like, there's literally hundreds of extras, right?

00:29:17.640 Yeah.

00:29:17.880 In this big scene where it's like, they recreated a whole prom.

00:29:21.500 Oh, I know the movie Carrie, yeah.

00:29:22.620 So we're all like, woo!

00:29:24.060 Yay, we're done.

00:29:24.460 That's like, you were in Carrie?

00:29:25.540 We go out, yeah.

00:29:26.480 We go out.

00:29:27.280 We get on the bus. 0.99

00:29:28.880 Like, it's a school bus to take us back to, like, the area where all our shit is. 0.97

00:29:32.900 Yeah. 0.97

00:29:33.420 And we're all in the bus, sitting on the bus, ready. 1.00

00:29:35.520 We're like, fuck yeah. 0.99

00:29:36.260 It's like, four in the morning. 0.99

00:29:37.720 Yeah.

00:29:37.960 We've been there since, like, 6 a.m. the day before.

00:29:40.880 Like, it was just some crazy amount of time.

00:29:42.320 And the guy comes on the bus and goes, you're going to hate me, but we've got to go back

00:29:48.180 and do it again.

00:29:49.460 And everyone's like, no! 1.00

00:29:50.780 What the fuck? 1.00

00:29:51.340 There's literally black kids there being like, fuck this shit! 1.00

00:29:55.960 Like, punching the seat in front of them in the school bus. 1.00

00:29:59.120 Fuck! 1.00

00:30:01.480 And like, all the, like, yeah, then like those same kids, like, five hours ago, were like, 1.00

00:30:08.360 yo, I'm going to be a movie star.

00:30:09.760 Yeah, I know. 1.00

00:30:09.960 Like, I can't handle this shit. 1.00

00:30:13.720 That's so fucking funny. 1.00

00:30:15.280 But yeah, that was the P2L tour. 0.97

00:30:17.140 And then we went back to Toronto.

00:30:19.320 Then we did more tour in Ontario, didn't we?

00:30:21.900 Then we went to Kingston, Montreal.

00:30:25.300 You didn't take me to Montreal.

00:30:26.640 No.

00:30:27.020 You took a...

00:30:27.940 I took you to Kingston.

00:30:28.600 I took your friend Robert.

00:30:30.380 You took Robert, who farts a lot, and you got mad at him for driving like a Jew in an Indian 1.00

00:30:35.180 man's car, a white Toyota Corolla. 1.00

00:30:36.920 Yeah, he has a white Toyota Corolla and just drives it like shit. 1.00

00:30:39.820 Yeah. 1.00

00:30:40.420 He's just like a 23-year-old, like, Jew from North York.

00:30:44.240 And he's got, he's got, like, all, he's got, like, old people spots all over his body.

00:30:48.740 Yeah, he's got, like, goiters and goiters. 1.00

00:30:50.180 And he's got, like, fucking back me and shit. 1.00

00:30:52.700 And he's like, we shared a hotel, like, me, him, and fucking... 1.00

00:30:56.420 Boardman. 1.00

00:30:56.980 Boardman.

00:30:57.340 And just, they had to sleep in a bed together, just two Jews. 0.99

00:31:00.940 Oh, just recreating the Holocaust. 0.98

00:31:04.760 Well, you get in, it's cold.

00:31:07.800 Thanks for enjoying the podcast, everybody.

00:31:09.940 If you want to go and watch one of my stand-up comedy specials, they are both available for

00:31:14.700 free on YouTube.

00:31:16.200 They are called Please Wear a Mask and Gay Tatership. 1.00

00:31:19.600 Go check them out. 0.93

00:31:20.920 Oh, God.

00:31:21.720 It was so bad.

00:31:22.400 But yeah, and every morning he'd just be up, like, with his shirt off.

00:31:25.260 No, that was the best, what was fun about that for me was I would get calls from you

00:31:29.300 and Robert, both jewing out about each other.

00:31:31.960 Like, you would be, like, calling me, like, what's wrong with him?

00:31:34.560 He's 23, he's always tired, he wants to go to, he doesn't know how to drive, he can't

00:31:38.700 drive.

00:31:39.320 And then I would get a call from Robert being like, why is Bank is yelling at me all the

00:31:43.740 time? 0.99

00:31:46.180 Just screaming at me, what the fuck? 0.99

00:31:48.720 I didn't sign up for this. 0.99

00:31:49.720 And I'm like, yeah, welcome to my world.

00:31:51.660 This guy was like, you know, he wants to be a comic.

00:31:54.340 He has no real other job prospects other than farming school.

00:31:58.420 Yeah, he went to farming school.

00:31:58.720 He's like a guy who grew up in a, like, a Soviet-looking, like, apartment block in Toronto and wants 0.99

00:32:04.800 to go and be a farmer and fucking... 0.98

00:32:06.580 He wants to see some grass for once in his life. 1.00

00:32:10.080 This guy grew up without plants.

00:32:11.600 So bad.

00:32:12.520 And the whole time he's just complaining, right?

00:32:14.100 So, like, he's like, oh, bro, it's so far.

00:32:16.540 I'm like, dude, it's Montreal.

00:32:17.680 We're going.

00:32:18.260 Dude, it's three Jews in one car. 1.00

00:32:20.360 You know, we're, like, doing shows and shit. 0.98

00:32:22.320 And, like, one night where I got a spot and he didn't get the spot. 0.97

00:32:25.940 So he's like, I'm going to a strip club.

00:32:27.480 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:32:29.140 That was another argument. 1.00

00:32:30.840 Was you were like, what the fuck? 1.00

00:32:32.360 You want to be a comic? 1.00

00:32:33.280 Watch the fucking show. 1.00

00:32:34.380 You want to be around it. 1.00

00:32:35.620 And then Robert was like, well, I get one minute to myself. 1.00

00:32:38.540 I want to have an asshole in my face. 1.00

00:32:40.560 Like, you guys are both just fucked. 1.00

00:32:43.160 You guys are both out of your minds. 1.00

00:32:45.360 Oh, my God.

00:32:45.820 He wanted to go to the casino so bad.

00:32:47.520 And then he spent $20 in the casino.

00:32:49.560 I know.

00:32:50.080 He's so.

00:32:50.760 In, like, three hours.

00:32:52.020 This guy calls me to be like, yo, bro, watch me play craps online.

00:32:55.260 And he's making 20 cent bets. 1.00

00:32:57.140 Like, shut the fuck up, bro. 1.00

00:32:59.360 I don't want to watch this. 1.00

00:32:59.820 I bet we're, like, looking for him at the casino. 0.98

00:33:01.560 And he's just sat at a crap, like a computerized craps table. 1.00

00:33:06.640 And he's just like, fuck, bro, I just lost $5. 1.00

00:33:09.380 I'm like, shut the fuck up. 1.00

00:33:10.660 Shut the fuck up, dude. 1.00

00:33:11.500 Let's leave. 1.00

00:33:12.360 That's nothing.

00:33:13.060 But then the last day, like, there was, like, comics in Montreal.

00:33:16.300 We're like, yo, you're sick.

00:33:17.400 Like, you know, there's other places you can do shows at.

00:33:20.140 Yeah.

00:33:20.560 And I'm like, let's stay for a little longer.

00:33:22.020 He's like, bro, I got to get home to my girl.

00:33:26.360 He's like, my girlfriend.

00:33:27.340 I'm like, what's your girlfriend's deal?

00:33:28.360 He's like, she's an Orthodox Jew.

00:33:29.960 Oh, yeah, yeah.

00:33:30.620 And I'm only allowed to see her on Sundays.

00:33:32.900 That's what he was trying to tell me.

00:33:33.820 He's like, I'm only allowed to see her on Sundays.

00:33:35.440 So we have to go home so I can see her.

00:33:37.780 And because then he's like, because she's going to Israel, bro. 0.98

00:33:41.100 You know, yeah, she had to go fucking start October 7th. 1.00

00:33:44.000 Yeah, bro, she's going to a music festival. 0.98

00:33:46.680 I know.

00:33:47.280 This is the last time I'm going to see her, fam.

00:33:49.780 Yo, Armin's cousin's going to go crazy.

00:33:55.500 But, you know, no, it was, like, way before, like, October 7th.

00:33:57.980 It was just like, bro, she's trying to go to Israel.

00:34:00.120 Like, I'm not going to see her for a month. 0.99

00:34:01.460 I'm like, who gives a shit? 0.99

00:34:02.440 You're doing comedy. 1.00

00:34:03.300 Yeah, you're in Montreal.

00:34:04.540 It's like, bro, I got to go rub my back knee on her.

00:34:06.680 And then, yeah, so then the last night he's like, bro, we can't leave Montreal until I

00:34:13.900 get my girl some bagels, bro. 0.98

00:34:16.840 I got to get her bagels.

00:34:18.340 Why does he go to Montreal?

00:34:19.740 So then we're driving.

00:34:20.400 He's like, no, let's go to this spot.

00:34:21.940 He's like, I know the spot to get bagels.

00:34:23.680 We're trying to leave the city right after we get them, right?

00:34:25.720 The hotel is done.

00:34:26.620 Yeah. 0.99

00:34:26.780 We have all the shit in the car. 1.00

00:34:28.020 And we're fucking driving to the bagel place. 1.00

00:34:30.040 The line is, like, five blocks long for the bagels. 1.00

00:34:32.860 And I'm like, bro, I'm not fucking waiting in this goddamn line. 1.00

00:34:36.720 Like, we can go to a fucking Loblaws and you can get some fucking bagels. 1.00

00:34:40.100 And you can fucking go, these are fucking Montreal bagels. 1.00

00:34:42.520 She won't know the goddamn difference, right? 1.00

00:34:44.680 But, I mean, maybe she will. 0.98

00:34:46.080 No, because I know the specific ones.

00:34:49.140 But, yeah, that's not, bro. 0.99

00:34:50.240 It's only five hours for fucking the most Jewish thing to wait in line for. 1.00

00:34:55.380 Literally, he's so Soviet. 1.00

00:34:56.600 He wants to go on a bread line.

00:34:58.320 It's just too much.

00:35:00.740 That was, like, the last P2L, I think.

00:35:03.400 That was it.

00:35:04.180 That was never laughed again.

00:35:06.820 Permission denied.

00:35:12.800 But I still think we should get the P2L, the matching right here.

00:35:15.480 Yeah.

00:35:15.880 Right on the back of the arm.

00:35:16.760 Should we?

00:35:17.500 Yeah, why not?

00:35:19.120 If people ask you what it is, it'd be like, oh, it's the first comedy tour I went on.

00:35:22.560 That's true, yeah.

00:35:23.860 It's pretty big.

00:35:24.820 There's a Jewish man with the same tattoo.

00:35:26.400 Oh, this is a Ben Benkis tour on my arm.

00:35:29.560 Because I'm afraid I'm going to get it.

00:35:30.520 Oh, is it your tour?

00:35:31.340 Well, not really, bro.

00:35:32.220 Yeah, I was on it.

00:35:33.220 I mean, like, 600 bucks.

00:35:36.720 No, I'm scared because I'm going to get it, and then you're just not going to get one.

00:35:41.980 No, we're going to get it at the same time.

00:35:44.360 Not for, like, from the same person.

00:35:46.000 You want to hold hands?

00:35:46.880 Yeah.

00:35:48.140 What are you doing?

00:35:50.080 You're going to be like, oh.

00:35:51.540 Just halfway through?

00:35:56.360 It's just so funny.

00:35:56.900 I just want P and 2.

00:35:58.020 I don't want to know.

00:35:59.080 I don't want the L.

00:36:01.240 I don't want the L.

00:36:03.240 Permission to lurk. 0.99

00:36:04.180 Yeah, I want to know your fans' reactions when they're like, oh, this guy's got a fucking 0.99

00:36:11.340 tattoo of the air. 0.99

00:36:12.140 I was going to get a Yuck Yucks tattoo on my back just to.

00:36:15.120 On your back?

00:36:16.000 Yeah.

00:36:16.280 I was going to get a Yuck Yucks tattoo.

00:36:17.100 How big?

00:36:18.120 I don't like that.

00:36:18.680 Oh, I thought you were going to get a whole back.

00:36:20.380 It's just hard.

00:36:20.920 It's hard to make it that small.

00:36:22.580 Yeah.

00:36:23.880 Yeah.

00:36:24.060 Hire an artist.

00:36:25.260 Yeah.

00:36:25.620 The one guy was like, oh, it's got to be pretty big.

00:36:27.900 I was like, oh, yep.

00:36:29.760 It's going to get the whole sign.

00:36:31.360 On the back?

00:36:32.060 The whole back?

00:36:33.320 It would be pretty funny.

00:36:34.620 Yeah, I know.

00:36:34.980 It would be so funny. 0.97

00:36:36.780 It would be fucking hilarious. 1.00

00:36:38.720 Lose my shit. 1.00

00:36:40.080 Honestly, like, every club in the U.S., I think it's cool that I sell out on my own would 0.99

00:36:46.560 be cool to get an improv to that, like the exact logo, like the Yuck Yucks logo, funny

00:36:51.760 bone.

00:36:52.080 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:36:52.280 That would be sick.

00:36:53.240 That would be hard.

00:36:54.300 So I think we're going to probably do that. 0.92

00:36:56.160 It would be fucked up if at the end of it, it just all looks bad. 0.93

00:36:59.720 It's just a mismatched sleeve. 0.99

00:37:02.200 Oh, coming to America, written.

00:37:05.240 America Takeover.

00:37:06.620 Yeah, America Takeover might be a tough one to write on my body.

00:37:11.400 That's something that, no, not for you.

00:37:13.200 Maybe for me.

00:37:13.980 Well, yeah.

00:37:14.760 If I write this right here, I got to wear a long sleeve.

00:37:17.100 I'm going to go to the border. 0.56

00:37:18.500 Just get thug life on your stomach. 0.99

00:37:20.740 Honestly, I do want a patoo right here. 0.93

00:37:23.580 I really do.

00:37:24.720 Another great way to support the show is by buying merch, folks.

00:37:27.480 So you can go to benbankus.com, hit the merch button, and check out all of our awesome

00:37:32.100 Bankus Show merch, some Teresa Tam merch in there.

00:37:35.640 There's a bunch of funny stuff.

00:37:37.480 So go get it now.

00:37:38.520 What are you going to get?

00:37:41.140 Just food?

00:37:42.180 Sorry.

00:37:43.580 Sorry.

00:37:44.240 Sorry?

00:37:44.780 That would actually be kind of cool.

00:37:45.840 Kind of. 0.97

00:37:47.620 Kind of gay. 0.89

00:37:48.420 You know what? 0.97

00:37:48.860 Sorry for taking your shirt off?

00:37:50.980 Yeah.

00:37:51.440 You have to look at me.

00:37:52.580 Yeah.

00:37:53.020 My bad.

00:37:53.740 That's actually pretty funny.

00:37:54.580 That is pretty funny.

00:37:55.400 Sorry. 0.99

00:37:57.180 For just looking like shit. 0.99

00:37:58.620 How's my driving on your back? 0.99

00:38:00.300 But this next tour is going to be amazing.

00:38:05.640 American fans flowing in to the rescue.

00:38:10.180 They're going to carry me to the promised land.

00:38:12.840 A lot of big things coming up.

00:38:15.020 Rogan.

00:38:15.680 I mean, it's what I want to happen.

00:38:18.040 It's going to happen.

00:38:18.760 Got to get on Rogan.

00:38:19.700 Got to get on.

00:38:20.380 And, you know, Rogan's like the, he's the Johnny Carson of our time.

00:38:25.480 Pretty much.

00:38:26.020 Yeah.

00:38:26.700 As a comedian right now, you don't want to be on Jimmy Kimmel.

00:38:30.880 You don't want to be on, I mean, SNL is cool, obviously.

00:38:35.200 If, you know, like if Jimmy Kimmel approached me, he's like, you can come on. 0.99

00:38:38.080 No, no, it'd be funny if you were like, well, fuck Rogan. 0.99

00:38:40.280 I want to do Trevor Noah. 0.99

00:38:41.380 Yeah.

00:38:42.260 Yo, I'm trying to get on a daily show.

00:38:43.660 Who's the host now?

00:38:45.420 Jon Stewart again?

00:38:46.940 Jon Stewart's redoing it?

00:38:48.040 He's back?

00:38:48.480 Oh, my God.

00:38:49.640 Jesus Christ, guys.

00:38:50.640 Yo, Jon Stewart, the guy that everyone, it's like, I feel like.

00:38:52.920 Remember when he was funny 20 years ago?

00:38:54.420 He's back.

00:38:54.760 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:38:55.440 That's like, yo, your mom.

00:38:56.340 He is still funny, obviously.

00:38:57.040 Your mom thinks this guy's hilarious.

00:38:58.980 Yeah.

00:38:59.780 It's not a good way to get the young audience, but I think they've realized that the only people

00:39:03.680 of watching that are old anyway.

00:39:04.900 Yeah, yeah.

00:39:05.640 And they don't, they're sick of Trevor Noah.

00:39:07.120 They don't know, they don't know how to change the channel.

00:39:09.180 They don't have dementia.

00:39:10.460 We had South Africans at the show.

00:39:12.100 Oh, yeah.

00:39:12.420 We did have South African gun smugglers come to Burlington to watch you do comedy.

00:39:16.540 They were like, you're pretty funny there, he.

00:39:19.880 But yeah, they didn't, they were more, they more had the British South African accent,

00:39:24.400 which is like more Englishy because the guy that I used to work with.

00:39:28.060 Was more Afrikaans.

00:39:29.140 More Afrikaans, yes.

00:39:30.200 He talked like this, Afrikaans, hello.

00:39:31.760 Like, it's honestly a hard accent.

00:39:33.640 It's a tough accent, bro.

00:39:34.820 It's a tough one to impersonate, but I told you that story, but I don't know if I can

00:39:38.040 tell it, but it's kind of funny.

00:39:39.300 Yeah.

00:39:39.680 Yeah.

00:39:40.600 Yeah, I don't know what to tell it, but you can't tell that one, I guess, but it is funny.

00:39:43.560 That's Patreon.

00:39:44.180 Patreon.

00:39:44.700 Patreon.com.

00:39:45.920 Go to subscribe to.

00:39:47.400 We do a bonus podcast every week.

00:39:48.960 This might be one of the last couple podcasts where we're together, at least for the next

00:39:53.760 two, three weeks, because I'm going to be in the States and maybe we'll, maybe you'll

00:39:59.160 come down, we'll do another pod down there, but guys, thank you for listening.

00:40:04.660 Support this show, patreon.com slash benbankus.

00:40:08.080 Support me on Instagram, obviously, benbankus2.

00:40:11.000 Support Armin Arbabi on Instagram, Armin Arbabs, A-R-M-I-N-A-R-B-O-B-Z or Z if you were in

00:40:19.240 the U.S.

00:40:19.800 And yeah, man, keep getting tickets to the shows.

00:40:24.320 Keep supporting me.

00:40:25.060 You guys are my lifeblood.

00:40:26.120 I thank you so much for everything.

00:40:27.980 And I'm very humbled meeting you all after the shows.

00:40:30.520 I love shaking all your hands.

00:40:32.040 People come up to me after the shows and they go, oh, it must be annoying.

00:40:35.220 You know, everybody wanted a piece of you.

00:40:36.640 It's like, dude, this is a part of the job. 1.00

00:40:37.980 This is like shit I'm going to remember for my whole life. 0.97

00:40:40.180 Like I put my whole life savings, put all my money and put all my passion into this career 1.00

00:40:45.720 and it's everything for me.

00:40:46.860 And so I appreciate the fans.

00:40:48.740 I always take the time to say what up to them and show my appreciation for them.

00:40:52.420 So thank you guys.

00:40:53.640 And I hope you have a great week.

00:40:55.520 Peace.

Bankas Podcast - February 27, 2024

Permission 2 Laugh ｜ The Bankas Show - #047

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Transcript