Simp China ｜ The Bankas Show - #046
Episode Stats
Words per minute
156.40262
Harmful content
Misogyny
23
sentences flagged
Toxicity
101
sentences flagged
Hate speech
58
sentences flagged
Summary
In this episode of My Dating Diaries, I talk about a guy who does just that. I also talk about the time I met a man who was willing to spend $8,000 on a date with me, and my favourite video of the week!
Transcript
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welcome to the podcast everybody i hope you're having a good week i surely am uh i'm pretty
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excited about four sold out shows that are going down toronto two shows in uh burlington two shows
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in toronto um i hope y'all are coming to that we're gonna have special guests it's going to be
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amazing and my boy armin our bobby is going to be doing a spot shout out uh armin is here say what up
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to armin um he's essentially um he's a made man he's part of the warlock mafia the bank is warlock
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and i just met a guy who does just that if you're new here welcome to my dating diaries where i
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overshare my dating life in new york this guy slid into my dms on instagram saying that my dating
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diaries are very downtown based and i should have an uptown edition so let's call this guy uptown man
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i asked what a night uptown entails and he said shopping at hermes and dinner at daniel at first
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i thought he was kidding but then when he called me a car i saw that the end location was hermes
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on madison out once i arrived i met him inside the store and i was great with champagne and then we
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went straight to the shoe section i tried on the oran sandals and was debating between the brown and
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white he preferred the white so i went with that he then checked out and we walked over to daniel
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uptown man was an extreme gentleman and he told me he believes in princess treatment only he talked
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me up like no other and told me i'm still worthy for a 21 year old we talked about our favorite spots
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in london paris and sandrake that's when i told him i'm going to paris at the end of this week
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and he offered to make me reservations while i'm there he told me that i'm much more than a last
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minute reservation at some mid bar downtown also the food and drinks at daniel was top tier it was
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probably one of the best dinners i've ever had this was the best part at the end of dinner he
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offered to bring me back to the kitchen to meet the chef at the restaurant before going our separate
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ways we made plans to see each other once i'm back in town he then called me a car and texted me
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immediately after uptown man says the bar extremely high ladies don't listen to any dusty mail when
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they tell you your standards are too high can i see a photo of what this girl looks like
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all right i mean she's kind of got like a sydney sweeney kind of look to her
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but i mean she looks retarded she's 21 she looks like a 34 year old woman
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like i don't know this is she's not like first date spend eight thousand dollars saying bro she
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even fucked the guy why are people like i thought if i was that rich i would like i was single i would
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never buy hookers i mean not even that just why why would you have to spend eight thousand dollars
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on a date it's insane it's insane it's insane no man i don't know i don't know what you've seen
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a girl like that maybe it's because you just imagine that she's never fucked other guys
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this is my other favorite video of the week by the way this is chinese citizen give speech in chinese
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after being elected to serve in san francisco's election commission
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is it racist that i just find that funny for like no actual like like nothing i i don't know
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what she's saying doesn't matter it's funny it's just chinese
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why is it funny though what is what is it about the sound of the chinese accent the words
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gum gumta chinese uh gumma in chinese means father mary sister paternal aunt
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it's definitely the wrong word that's my gumma my father's mary sister paternal aunt
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um lala oh lala means lesbian in chinese that's kind of funny
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anyway welcome to the show everybody it's what day is it it's february well february's almost
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over february goes quick every year and that's why we do black history month for february because
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it's it's uh it's over before we know it and we don't have to do too much um social justice warrior
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ship but i think it's pretty cool that connie's album is number one during black history month
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and i'm pretty sure like fuck taylor swift for trying to steal black history month i know we've
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been talking about taylor a lot and people are sick of it which is why sometimes i want to talk
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before i would talk about like israel palestine people like please stop talking about israel
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palestine and then it's like please stop talking about taylor swift it's like what's worse what's
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worse what's that oh yeah taylor taylor send her to gaza i i i've seen a lot of videos of like people
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from gaza being like hello it is i am from gaza i just every time i watch it i just don't like it
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doesn't elicit the emotion they want it to from me like i just see it and go yeah you're a terrorist
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um i'm joking free palestine anyway um gum lao means my sister's paternal aunt
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what is even a sister what is a sister's paternal what's i guess that's like your mom's your
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would be your mom's sister that raised you i guess i don't fucking know
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i don't know what happened i got sick you were talking about taylor swift and then you were like
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gum lao what the fuck are you okay no yeah ben's feeling some of tylenol right now ben's ben's
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pretty sick right now he's got uh chinese fever he's got something he's got mono 16 he made out of
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15 no you can't say that oh ben just went back to queens re-enrolled mono yeah mononucleosin
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did you ever get mono um no yeah once i thought i had mono but it was like bronchitis they thought
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no mono's like i don't know it's like if you're cool and you suck dick and get your lip
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it sucks because if you smoke cigarettes and you're just sick you're like still want a cigarette but you
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just like have the flu and you're just like oh oh oh oh tylenol yeah that is what it's like man
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some guy just messaged me he was like you've gone woke i want to see the monkey again
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i love it who thinks you've gone woke because you talked about what like what the fuck
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all you talked about is taylor you literally did not upload a blackface video today you are
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yo ben bangus used to be cool we used to post him doing a monkey chinese voice every single day
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it would be funny if you did go woke though i i'd be i'd laugh i'd be like if this i mean i
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would need to make some more money to go woke just you go hollywood you're like i don't even know
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about that but then underground fans are like this guy used to be a monkey doggy
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you know what i mean you're like hosting tonight show like and tonight lady gaga wore this and then
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it's like deep reddit threads like yo this has been bangus saying to enward after he did yucks burlington
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oh yeah man yeah i gotta stop you're gonna have a bad dementia it's gonna be tough to see
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it's gonna be really funny like you'll still crush
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oh yeah yeah i think i'll just do that yeah dude it'll be that you're gonna be thinking mike's
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coming to set up a pod you keep saying i have dementias well you have been just laying on a
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couch for 14 hours i'm sick yeah well you lay you you sleep a lot i sleep at a decent hour man i get
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like eight hours i don't sleep that much i just sleep when i'm in the car because i it's comfy
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okay but you've you've had i have a track record of waking up at like 3 p.m yeah i've changed this
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i wake up at 11. yo yo this guy grew up it's programmed 3 p.m i used to call this guy at like
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two and he'd be like bro whoa whoa it is fun though now he's like yo this guy's resting from
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his sickness so he can perform well sorry your version of resting it's like we're a cigarette
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i like the new cigarettes with the this is poison on them i kind of pretend they're like supreme logos
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yeah it does look pretty it looks pretty sick it's like yo this is that's how you know if the
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cigarettes are new at least that's true yeah i got some stale cigarettes last time i did nyer
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yeah pissed off i know i had stale belmonts i was like this is bad you gotta go call fucking
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immigration that probably made me sick probably yeah it's definitely that not the lifestyle it's
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crazy that it's yeah twenty dollars for a pack of stale cigarettes it's like yo it was a stale
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cigarette to join the bank of show support us on patreon patreon.com slash ben bankus
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and get a weekly bonus podcast episode also bonus stand-up clips
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that's what it was doc well when it's like a pack of it
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what'd you just bro you got money go buy another bag bro what the fuck
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i try not to smoke though oh yeah that's true i guess yeah we could order from circle k
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yeah why can't we uber cigarettes yeah that's one thing i actually states you can fuck bro you don't
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have the map pack yet yeah there's some it is really it was really annoying when i'd order
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cigarettes in the states so sometimes you'd be like more and more they got pomos down oh no that
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was i ordered cigarettes once i was like really fucked up and i called my uber eats driver and i was
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like can you bring i sent him to 7-eleven i was like can you just get cigarettes and i'll pay you
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like the extra like yeah cash and he's like okay what do you want belmont and then he brought me
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palm oil he's like you said ball more all month belmont i don't know it's annoying so i never did that
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again here's bobby eltoff she's the uh she's back she's back with wiz khalifa she cheated on her
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husband they got a divorce yeah that she got a divorce from her husband yeah she cheated for
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sure what did she cheat bro what what else could it be honestly like watching this clip would make
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you want to divorce her let's just watch this clip okay so what do you do for a living my life is
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like literally revolves around my kid i work for him you work for him yeah what's his job
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no i'm saying like i go to work so oh i thought you meant you like work for him that's actually
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what you said so of course i thought you meant that he's the purpose that i work he's a reason
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he's a reason why i work that's a better way to say it that's why i go to work is you don't yeah
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you don't work for your son my son inspires me to work that's great that's exactly how that's not how
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i meant took it though no but when i said that i work for him that's what i meant like now i got
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like i physically get up and go to work for him that's what i thought you meant though i can't do
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that why he's 11. yeah but i don't know what rich people do maybe your kid's like already doing
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something he has like a brand or something and you work for it i could see that when you say it like
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like that cool but in a normal world parents don't work for their 11 year old children you
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don't live in a normal world you know i don't like that this it's just average looking white
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women feel too powerful now with social media yeah bro okay great and her face looks like a
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fucking say that again she's got great tits yeah okay cool but then her ass aquaman loves the tits
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yeah hangers she's like touching them in this whole video too because she knows that she's
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no i don't know i don't like it i'm not here for it i think it's weird though what happened with her
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husband wait what's weird her act is like calling out rappers on their bad grammar her act is just
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being an annoying white chick that's her act is just like i don't know like you do that like
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okay should i just do that for the rest of this pod should i just pretend wait here's okay wait
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yeah okay one week ago drake not responsible for balty bobby althoff divorce despite speculation
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okay but like how could he be like not responsible like
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of what her and drake in the bed he deleted it he like forced her to delete it yeah at gunpoint
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took her to drake mansion bobby althoff is getting divorces now being picked apart by fans who think
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drake might have had something to do with it but we've got the real story it's far from that at all
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here's the deal bobby's now a strange husband husband cory cited july 4th 2023 as the day he and baa
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separated and the reason folks are hyper focusing on this is because it just so happens to be around
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the time when she aired the viral drake interview blah blah blah drake yeah imagine your like feet
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like wife who you have kids with yeah it's hanging out with drake like in a bed with yeah and then the
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video gets deleted and the whole video is just like oh my boy smiggy would like that
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like smiley is like yeah i was literally a criminal yeah literally just a murderer
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yo i'm smiling my boy smiling oh how's cory doing um of course the speculation has been peaking with
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many suggesting bobby and drake were perhaps closer than we saw obviously imagine going to drake's house
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and not banging him if you're a chick okay yeah there we go i was gonna say or as a dude i mean
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trying to bang him you try to bang him if that's what he wants me to do no i didn't see no that's
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actually he was really upset when he didn't get to see his dick he was like fearfully maybe there
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were some women talking about it at um the show in osha with this past weekend and they said that it
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was skinny that's good okay i'm happy with that so what you have yeah oh i got drinks how did you
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how did you fucking see it this guy filmed it he filmed it he was setting this up in drake's house
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it was the lighting good for this one drink he's just
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long story short we're told drake and bobby continue texting after they had their famous lay
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down chat and our sources say drizzy even invited bobby to his la concert august 12th which she
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attended unfortunately for her only general admission was offered our sources tell us bobby
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is genuinely angry about this apparently feeling she deserved to be in the vip area with drake and
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other celebs friends she made her indignation known in a since deleted video where she's standing
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around the arena floor pouting about it i know i remember this video yeah i remember this too i want
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to know who what photos does her dad have with these celebrities that she's in all these videos
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like there's got to be like multiple files of like all these guys dming kids and it's like yo i'll
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release this but you have to do an interview with my shitty dickhead kid come catch me on tour guys
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my last few shows in canada before taking off are going to be march 27th in edmonton at the west edmonton
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mall comic strip after that april 8th i'm going to be in halifax nova scotia at the yuck yucks
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april 10th uh to 15th i'm going to be doing the lol fest which is amherst frederickton new brunswick all
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kinds of east coast canadian uh dates and theaters so you need to go get tickets for that ben bankus
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dot com why would she like pout at the concert it's like you just did a fucking interview with
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the guy because she's giving you free tickets
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well if you were at that concert the fuck is that nice
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um yeah that's crazy that she actually got divorced though at the time people were trying
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to figure out if they had been falling out as it turns out they absolutely did
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our sources tell us that when bobby was at the show her little video was reflecting how she actually felt
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oh that's about drake falling out um drake's camp hit her team to demand she take down both the
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clip and the interview which she then did at that point we're told their friendship fizzled
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oh shit oh my god here's a picture of her with her she's like a really prudish looking chick
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like who got pregnant twice with a really kucky looking guy
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this is what he looks like oh here wait i should put it into this
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so this is this is a husband with her with her pregnant now in terms of whether they patch
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things up since bobby herself recently applied kiki palmer's podcast oh my god who are these fucking
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people bro does she did she do one with a kanye
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on the issue of why cory actually filed to divorce bobby it's very simple explanation our sources tell
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us her skyrocketing fame and his desire to remain a normie was the main catalyst that had nothing to
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do with allegations of cheating although we're sure she probably didn't appreciate how cozy
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she was acting with champagne poppy on tape would you be cool if your girl did that yeah
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no would you if she was making like how much money does she make yeah but then that's not
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good either well you want your girl to be making like a couple million a year to lay in bed with drake
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apparently yeah four million how much is dixie d'amelio is worth 15 million who's that
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charlie d'amelio's sister oh i forgot about those two yeah they kind of disappeared they probably just
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the money yeah they just made their parents probably like okay you made yeah 20 million
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from age 14 to 20 just chill like you don't have to on boats what is bobby's altobs net worth four
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mil big break when she landed an interview with drake in 2023 craziness i want to do an interview
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let's get it i'd love to see you in bed with drake i'd probably like it i'd probably like it
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oh yeah this people are sending me this video after it emerged that u.s and chinese scientists
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have implanted human cells into monkey embryos to for practice wait why are people sending you this
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we should see the embryos as human at all i think um when we create an organism that is a mix between
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a human and a monkey we're really not sure at all what sort of organism we have created i mean
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is it a human is it a monkey is it something in between um and that raises ethical issues because
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we don't know how we should treat these creatures can we simply use them inside the experiments can
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do we somehow get your cells into like a monkey's embryo and make an actual human monkey hybrid
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organism we create how we should treat it is not so much of a problem uh for the research we're
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discussing here because in that research as you mentioned that is the most ugly fucking
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retarded monkey according to two papers published in national science review scientists in china
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have successfully cloned monkeys with genetic disease symptoms researchers from the chinese
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academy of sciences used a crispr cast 9 method on in vitro fertilized monkey embryos
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with no bmal1 to help manage their circadian rhythm the resulting monkeys exhibited a wide rate
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after taking a fibro rape the gene edited monkey that's what i heard too
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to use somatic cell nuclear look at this picture of the fucking retarded monkey
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cell nuclear transfer to replace a nucleus of a monkey egg cell with a fibroblast nucleus
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325 embryos were implanted in 65 surrogate monkeys all five cloned monkeys carried the altered
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bmal1 gene introduced in the donor monkey for biologists this term describes any organism
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whose body consists of cells from two different organisms why am i telling you about this tonight
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because scientists in recently tried will let me bring on daniel borman
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creating the world's first human monkey chimera
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these i have to make like eight monkey videos from this
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yeah we were just talking this is exciting quitting you know
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oh never mind actually what scientists are back we're back in business
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viral they integrated human cells into the embryos of a macaque monkey
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in simple terms they created embryos that were part monkey and part human
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what happened next the embryos were grown in the open in a laboratory for 20 days
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about it we still don't fully know what the drawbacks or benefits of creating a human monkey hybrid
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they don't even know the benefits what is the drawback you want to know about the drawback
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they're not even the what are the benefits they have no benefits they're just fucking around
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what is the benefit of making a retarded monkey person
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just putting come okay uh yesterday we did a kobe with a bat today we make a half human
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half monkey hybrid tomorrow we make a chimera welcome to the podcast everybody please like and
00:24:15.800
subscribe to this video also click the little bell so that you get notified every time that i make a
00:24:20.580
new podcast which is every tuesday i believe i'm from israel human animal monkey hyper
00:24:36.060
that's funny do that again look like a do-rag oh no oh there he is this guy sold me weed in grade 10
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you want family you want family trying to get the monkey coming back in the coffee time
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no i feel good i feel like i'm one with god right now
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mohammed you can't you can't die before you meet drake i want to see you meet drake
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oh drake you're gonna have your hands in your pockets for sure do you want to see an old skinny
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my penises do you want to see my yeah oh drake you do that i do monkey
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oh your tour is pretty cool have you ever seen this oh
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oh can i open for you at acc i want to do monkey
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that'd be amazing though just before they bring happy brock history move
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you dressed up like a monkey would you do that then because i always bring up like wearing a
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monkey mask you never want to do it would you do it for drake
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yeah i have we used to wear it we lost it i think it's at yucks
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i think some one of the indians stole it so they could go home and
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why do you want to vote on my monkey man stole it from ben bangor
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and he stole it from ben bangor loving the show go to benbankus.com click the merch button you can
00:26:21.340
get your very own bank a show hoodie t-shirts and more oh yeah that's i won an award uh like a raffle
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in high school and like the indian kid on the announcements announced it it was like raptors
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taking a little ben bangor yeah they call me ben banker so everybody started calling me ben bangor
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i don't know why indian always gets me dude it's like you in chinese
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ben bangor because it was like bankus and like probably thought the s was an r
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i don't know why i don't know why i don't know why i don't know why i don't know why i don't know
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i'm in limbo right now folks i talked a bunch about that on my patreon podcast which is coming out uh
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tomorrow or thursday we just recorded it earlier today because i'm waiting for my u.s visa so there's
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not much i can talk about if you're frustrated because you want me to say more about whatever the
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fuck this is what we're talking about for now and um i'm enjoying it yeah well i don't know what i
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don't know canada's very suppressed uh you know the only thing you can talk about is drake's penis
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censorship yeah yeah it's very censored yeah and i just want to get out and we have a bunch of dates
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lined up for the u.s on the east coast um and the west coast and all this shit so it's just going
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to be fucking insane and i can't announce it until we have the paperwork done so that's very soon
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and like within the next if you're listening to this now like within 10 days for sure
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and well at least we'll know what what the fuck's happening at that point and
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bada bing bada boom coming to the u.s a lot of crazy crazy
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stuff that i want to post and do but we're just waiting a little bit like i said we talked about
00:28:20.620
it in the patreon episode uh it's a loading screen the monkeys in the cage whatever you want
00:28:25.580
to call it human transfer to replace a nucleus of a monkey egg cell
00:28:36.700
we still don't fully know what the drawbacks or benefits of creating a human monkey hybrid could be
00:28:42.620
they don't even know the benefits they're just in a lab oh the benefit i got a free health care
00:28:56.540
when are you gonna go to china is the real question once i blow up in the states and uh
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it would be pretty funny if it's just me wearing a monkey mask for like stadiums in china
00:29:12.060
just like like soccer stadiums they're gonna pass you off as one of the
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and i'm just like coming out with a monkey like or if they probably just like project it on my face
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00:29:25.020
in china yeah they probably have some next yeah they make you a monkey in life
1.00
00:29:39.260
they're howling at the moon chinese people turn into dogs and they see the monkey oh it's so
1.00
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is it the year of the monkey no it's your dragon
00:29:51.420
okay that is crazy that they have all those like things
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that's a fucking way do they rot animals or they just cycle
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how do they even tell just random they're just ran it's random how does chinese new year work
0.99
00:30:17.100
um i'm an atheist i don't believe in this second new moon after the winter solstice on december 21st
00:30:22.540
i mean i don't tell you new year noisy firecracker can be heard
00:30:36.940
so that's what's happening um shows are all sold out right now edmonton you can go get tickets for
00:30:41.660
that march 27th also east coast halifax april 8th amherst nova scotia or something new brunswick
00:30:51.580
frederickton i'm doing all that shit in the first half of april all that is on my website ben
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bankus.com and uh if you uh you know want to go support armin i think you should go support armin
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rather and uh so he's you know once i leave this country he will be we're going to be the only um
00:31:12.060
human monkey hybrid left it'd be funny if we just start doing it then we'll be
1.00
00:31:16.220
i'll sell it dude no 10 grand that's such a that's so dumb you'll all sell you this thing
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that your fans will not be like oh support him at armin our bobs a-r-m-i-n-a-r-b-o-b-z
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yeah or z on instagram you have facebook page you gotta get a facebook page you gotta get
00:31:40.300
youtube you have a youtube what's your youtube it's armin our bobby comedy there you go i got
00:31:44.620
a hundred subscribers how did you spell it that's my name armin a-r-m-i-n-a-r-m-i
00:31:49.980
what you don't know we're not in your house uh our bobby a r b a b i comedy i got 100 subscribers